Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

~ November 1st ~

“What?!” She practically spits the word at him. Her stance says fight me, I dare you. Cassian made incidental eye contact with his new neighbor as she passed him on the stairs, and apparently in her world, that warrants an angry “what” hurled your way.

“Nothing. Geez, sorry,” Cassian states somewhat reflexively as she goes by.

“Your neighbor is scary,” Kay states levelly. Cassian agrees, though he says nothing. His new neighbor is aggressive, and he does not like her.

Cassian and Kay are leaving Cassian’s apartment building and heading to work. Kay lives in a slightly better area, just outside of the city. He always picks up and drops off Cassian for work, unless his car isn’t working.

Cassian’s new asshole neighbor moved in a month ago. They live on the 5th floor and her door is across the hall from his. She replaced his neighbors who pretended to be nice but were just, they were just so loud.

His new neighbor was very quiet when not acting hostile. He appreciated the quiet. He and Kay worked three overnight 12-hour shifts a week at the ER, from Monday night to Thursday morning, Cassian as a nurse, and Kay as an X-Ray technician. They met in the military doing stuff they wish they could forget before they trained to be special forces medics instead. They have been close ever since. They also worked for an old friend Friday and Saturday nights as security for a swanky club uptown called Elle Three.

It’s not fancy apartment building, quite the opposite. They let you rent by the month without requiring a lease, and right now Cassian, for reasons he is not entirely sure of, is not ready to sign a yearly lease. The building probably would not pass a building inspection due to things like not having enough fire escapes and having a broken elevator, so asking people to lock in for the year seems inappropriate.

He’s lived on the 5th floor for a little over a year. It was cheap enough that he could afford the rent, utilities, and some simple but nice furniture. He had enough left over to send some money to his mom and little sisters and to set some money aside for later. His place was cozy. There were four apartments on his floor, though only two have occupants at the moment. It was just him and his angry asshole neighbor.

He usually knows more about the people around him because he’s extremely observant, but with her, it’s been hard to figure much out at all (other than she’s an asshole who moves quietly). So far, he’s noticed her clothes are quite worn, and she doesn’t seem to have many of them based on how often she wears the same ones. Her schedule makes no sense to him.

He realized how quietly she moved when he was on the first floor getting his mail and some of the other residents were talking about that new lady being a mean bitchy asshole. When they left he saw her, realized she was nearby, and heard the whole thing. (He turned beet red at that point and he wasn’t even part of that conversation). She looked completely unbothered.

Jyn hears the extremely tall guy say she’s scary and smiles to herself. Good, he is intimidated. They’ll leave her be. She’s safer that way. That handsome quiet one who lives across the hall seems stuck up and self righteous, so not having to deal with him or his tall friend is good.

Why the fuck do I think he’s handsome? Probably because he is, but since when have I cared about anything like that? Fine, I know why I care in this case, it’s because his friend is odd and he treats him like he isn’t. That caught my attention, and then I realized he was handsome. Him and his friend remind me of me and Bohdi.

I bet that guy would be nice to Bohdi.

Having a crush is so weird and new. He also thinks I’m an asshole, so it’s not like it matters if I think he’s cute. Plus, I can’t have friends. I’m in hiding and I’m just a tool used to hurt people.

She is heading upstairs as they head out. Her quiet steps are foiled when her traitorous stomach growls loud enough to echo, and fuck I hope they didn’t hear that. She rushes up the stairs faster taking them 3 at a time hoping they didn’t hear. She can’t believe she is now hurrying towards an apartment with no food in it to get away from those two guys who don’t even like her.

Cassian and Kay heard, but figure she’s headed up to eat, so they don’t think much of it. Well, Kay doesn’t. Cassian briefly wonders if the threadbare clothes signal a lack of food. He dismisses it, it seems unlikely, she’s probably just frugal.

Jyn knows a little more about them than they know about her. Her neighbor’s tall friend comes over around 6:30 PM Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday nights, then they head out to work together. They get home at 7:30 the next morning. They wear scrubs those days. On Fridays and Saturdays, they dress quite sharp and head out between 4 and 5:30 PM. They are usually back by 3:30 AM. Clearly they both work two jobs together.

She also knows her neighbor's wi-fi password because she uses it for her work. She owns five valuable things, a laptop, a smart phone, fancy figure skates that are eight years old, a necklace that was her mother’s, and a photo album. Most days those things are more important to her than heat and food. The laptop is how she works, her smart phone is necessary for finding work and finding her brother, the skates are from her figure skating days (she sneaks into rinks or finds free skate times when she can), the necklace is something she’ll never part with as it’s all she has left from her mother, and the album contains a few family photos of happier times. They are irreplaceable. The skates are in a backpack. The album stays on top of her unplugged refrigerator. The necklace stays around her neck tucked away under her clothes because it’s just for her.

She never turns on the heat. Sometimes she skips a lot of meals because she has to. She’s starting to miss more and more because of new city rules. All dumpsters now have to be locked to beautify the city (a.k.a. make the hungry disappear). They didn’t replace it with with anything like a food bank either. She looked. Since she’s in hiding, though her ID is real, she wants to keep it out of as many government systems as she can. She’s afraid of signing up for assistance.

She uses her laptop to do programming as a contract worker. She’s a good programmer but because she has to stay hidden and fairly anonymous, employers have found it is easy to stiff her. She’s stuck paying some private investigators every month so she has warning if her old abusers, Mr. Krennic or any of his scary bosses, figure out where she is. It’s expensive, and some months it feels like extortion. It’s expensive enough that she has to watch for local activity and report back when they ask her to. One day she hopes that enough people pay her or that Krennic and his crew die so she can afford to use the heat and eat regularly.

Her pocket buzzes. She stops walking when she sees a message from her brother.

Bohdi: 🎹 😀 🎶

She smiles, turning around and heading back out toward those guys who are afraid of her. She rushes back out then around them before she sees two other guys loitering around who are clearly about to either grab at her, proposition her, or say something rude to her.

She goes right towards them and says, “I told you to get the fuck away from my building!” She’s ready to physically fight them and they can tell, so they scurry away. She’s scary and crazy and they don’t want to tangle with her.

Suddenly her aggressive demeanor makes more sense to Cassian. 

They hop into Kay’s car while she disappears into the night. 

Cassian asks, “Do you think she thinks we’re going to assault her?” 

“Why would she think that?”

“Well she scared off those guys who I think were about to grab or proposition her and they backed off.”

“Oh,” says Kay as understanding dawns on him. “But we won’t.” 

“I know that.” 

“She’s not my type.”

“What is your type Kay?” 

“Well, not an angry asshole.” 

Cassian smirks. 

. . .

“Kestral,” they are in public and he always calls her Kestral in public, “I’m over here.”

“Hey Bo!” Says Jyn. “What’s up?”

“I found something! Oh shit, I forgot what I found. But it reminded me of mum. Well, my mum, not our mum,” says Bohdi as he tries to remember.

“You texted me keyboard, happy face, and music notes. Did you find a piano?” Jyn has a big smile on her face now.

His eyes widen, “Yeah!! That’s it! It’s a public one.”

“Well, you gonna show me where it is? Also, you better play me Oltremare.”

“Yes, yes, yes, Oltremare. Over here.” It’s in the first floor lobby of a twenty story building. Jyn decides to intercept anyone who tries to stop Bohdi from playing, but no one does once he starts. He’s a wonderful pianist.

Jyn watches him become enveloped in the music and the enjoyment he gets from playing it leaves her happy and warm.

His mum taught him to play before she died in her sleep, before he was adopted by the Erso family. Music connects him to her. He was not this good back then, but he loved how playing made mummy happy. She would be happy if she heard him now.

Bohdi plays a few songs before he decides to go, and Jyn makes sure he gets back home safely.

Chapter Text

~ November 10th ~

“Yes, I’ll talk to her.” Cassian tells a neighbor on the first floor.

Apparently he is considered the building’s envoy for talking to that woman across the hall. No one else is willing to approach her. He goes to find the grumpy asshole. He isn’t looking forward to talking to her.

“What?” She says from behind her door which so far she isn’t planning on opening.

“Can you come out here a minute? It’s about the mail.”

She opens and closes the door fast, and suddenly she’s in front of him. “Which males?”

“No, not the - ” she’s joking. Angry neighbor is joking. He actually smiles. “You scared the mail lady and the UPS guy, and now they’re afraid of you and our building.”

She narrows her eyes and honestly looks confused. “How the fuck did I do that?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t see it happen. Did you yell at somebody? Or threaten them, or new people maybe?”

“I mean, I have done that, but I don’t always do that,” she replies.

Cassian is skeptical, “Really?”

“Yes really, well maybe.” She reddens a little. Is that really what he thinks of me? That I threaten anyone and everyone? Why do I care what he thinks? She does start to remember when she may have scared them. “Hmmm. I bet it was the day I was covered in blood.”

“What?”

“Don’t worry, it was my blood! No one else’s.”

“That’s not really any better.”

“It’s a little better.” Fuck, why do I care what he thinks?

He does not want to agree to that. “So . . . “

“I’ll talk to them.” And she’s back in her apartment with the door shut in a flash.

He has no idea what else to say. He knows three new things. One, she can joke. Two, he would pay a lot of money to see her talk to the UPS man and mail lady. Three, she’s not bothered nearly enough about being covered in blood.

How did that even happen?

He tries not to think too much about how her eyes are beautiful and fiery.

. . .

Two days later there are no more mail or UPS problems and the UPS man and mail lady also ask about that “nice grumpy lady” sometimes.

Chapter Text

~ November 13th ~

The next time they meet, she’s running full speed, knocks him over, then has the nerve to say, “Move!”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!?” He’s so pissed. This will definitely leave a bruise on his ass.

She looks back a moment, and he can’t read the look on her face, it’s inscrutable. She runs again.

He wants to yell something angry after her, but doesn’t know what he’d say, so he doesn’t.

When he gets back to his building, there is a lot going on in the parking lot.

“Hey Gertie, what happened?” Asks Cassian. Gertie is an older neighbor from the second floor.

“Domestic stuff. Kara’s fella was after her and ha daw-tah. I think they’ll be ok.”

Cassian looks at a crying woman and child speaking with a police officer. “Why do you think they’ll be ok?”

“Caws that fella was scared shitless,” she replies, then looks up and grins at Cassian.

He raises an eyebrow, “Ok, now I have to know more.”

“When her fella hit ha, some chick jumped him, grabbed and took ah-paht his gun, and broke his hand too I think. She also threatened him.”

“Where is she now?”

“No idea.”

“Hmmm.”

He’s glad Kara and her daughter are ok.

Every time his ass hurts from when he was knocked over by his asshole neighbor, he thinks about her. She’s a literal pain in the ass. Every time it hurts his frustration returns.

Chapter Text

~ November 15th ~

He sees her again a few days later. He wants to avoid her completely if he can. Kay’s car is in the shop, so Cassian is sitting at the bus stop. He sees his asshole neighbor walking towards their building. On the sidewalk he sees a small boy drawing with chalk. He still doesn’t know his neighbor’s name.

Angry neighbor stops to look at the drawings. “You drew these?” Asks his neighbor, in that special kind of incredulous way that an adult uses with a child when they are about to build them up.

“Yeah Miss, that was me!” Says the little guy who appears to be about six or seven.

“Are you sure?” Then she leans closer, and her eyes widen, “Because to me, it looks like a famous comic book artist came and drew on our sidewalk.”

The little guy is having fun so he makes a surprised hop before half galloping and skipping away then back to her. “What!? It really was me Miss lady!” The hyper little guy grabs her hand and pulls her down to crouching. “I can show you how, wanna see?”

She smiles, and it’s incandescent, “You’re gonna show me how to make these?” She’s so excited! Then she looks up at the sky and declares, “This is the best day ever!”

The boy gets up and hops around her before pushing chalk into her hands. At this point he is distracted. “Hey Miss Lady, you got all deez boo-boos on your hands.” He examines the scars on the back of her hands.

“They’re old, I’m ok. Can you show me how to draw?”

He’s shifting back and forth, “But, but how did this happen?”

She realizes he wants to know so he can prevent it from happening to him and others he knows. There’s no way she’s explaining how she actually got them. “You know what happened, I got hurt and I forgot to go get kisses from Grammy and have her check my boo-boos. You’ve got a nice Grammy, so this won’t happen to you.”

He looks at her and her hands a little longer, and decides that her explanation is acceptable. “Ok, get your chalk ready!”

“Yes sir!”

“Okay Miss Lady.” And he tells her all about his pictures and how to draw them while she sits criss cross applesauce on the pavement and follows his directions.

Cassian is kind of in shock as he sits quietly at the bus stop. He can’t stop watching his angry neighbor play with the neighbor’s kid like she has all the time in the world for him. She also somehow knows he lives with Grammy? Cassian knows he lives with Grammy and not mom or dad, but he’s surprised Miss Lady knows.

Grammy comes and sits next to Cassian at the bus stop, watching her hyper little guy interact with someone who isn’t in a hurry.

Another little girl shuffles over to Miss lady. It’s Kara’s daughter. “Miss?”

“Yeah?” Says scary neighbor.

“Miss, ummm,” and she hugs her tight. “Tanks lady.”

“Welcome poppet.”

The little girl lets go with one arm to look at the chalk pictures while still remaining as attached to Miss Lady as possible.

“Wanna draw too?” The little boy asks the little girl.

She nods and they all start drawing, while Kara’s daughter sits on Miss Lady.

Oh my god, Gertie was talking about her! Angry neighbor jumped that guy, took apart the guy’s gun, broke his hand, and scared him away. Then she must have run off after and right into me.

Now the literal pain in his ass doesn’t equal frustration towards her.

The bus comes and he leaves.

The next morning when he gets home from work the pavement is covered in many more drawings.

He knows a few new things about the asshole across the hall a.k.a. Miss Lady. One, she is capable of kindness. Two, scars cover the back of her hands. Three, she possesses an incandescent smile. Four, she can fight, she fought for Kara and her daughter (and she can disassemble a gun, which he can do but he’s surprised she can). Five, she’s good with children.

Chapter Text

~ November 29th ~

“Would you like some music?”

Jyn falls in fright. A loud booming woman’s voice suddenly comes through the loudspeaker. She had no idea anyone else was here.

“Oh sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” says the loud voice. “You can keep skating. It’s ok. Also, you’re welcome here. You’re really good by the way. Would you like some music?”

Jyn finally gets her bearings and nods yes. “Thank you!” She yells at the disembodied voice.

Jyn, a.k.a. random figure skating lady and the owner of the voice on the loudspeaker do not exchange names. The woman is named Elle.

Jyn was a figure skater before Krennic tore her and her family’s world apart. He wanted her to keep skating and getting better at it so he could show the tapes to her dad thus keeping him under control, and it allowed him to hide that he was regularly beating her, because see, she’s fine.

Her coach, Saw Gerrera, knew enough of what was happening to find her an escape. Once he gained both Jyn and Krennic’s trust, he started saying she was so good she needed more lessons, she might be able to make it to the Olympics with more training! That was a lie, she was good but never that good. What Saw got from the lies was time. He could take her to train more for longer periods of time without being monitored. He taught her Jiu Jitsu and Muay Tai, some Hapkido and how to use weapons real or improvised, some Krav Maga, as well as more figure skating. When he felt she was ready, at age 16, he coordinated Bohdi, Jyn, their father Galen, and himself an escape. Saw and Galen went to different countries, and Jyn and Bohdi went to America. Krennic only knew Bohdi as James Erso, so using the names Kestral and Bohdi Rook worked well for them.

Krennic ruined many things, but skating wasn’t one of them. Jyn loved how fast she could skate, the feeling of gliding around, spinning super fast, expressing herself creatively, and she could do some decent single jumps. The only double she could manage was a double toe loop.

Her skates were really good expensive ones from when she was 16, and they still fit. When she used them, she felt free.

She loved skating, but was doing it less as she became more and more hungry.

. . .

The next time Cassian saw his angry neighbor, it was from afar and he didn’t recognize her. It was night time and he was watching people skate in an outdoor rink, the ice wasn’t packed. He was captivated by this small woman who was by far the fastest person on the ice and who would spin in the middle of the ice sometimes and look up at the sky while she did. She would sneak in a jump here and there if she found she had enough space.

The woman looked so happy and free to him. He wished he felt that happy and free too.

In that moment, she felt happy and free.

Chapter Text

~ December 10th ~

The next time Cassian sees her . . . isn’t great. He sees her (well, first her hears her) and a guy from the third floor having a shouting match as he’s walking upstairs.

She’s yelling, “I did not break into your car! I’m an asshole, not a thief.”

The guy looms over her (and she doesn’t back up), “You’re always out there threatening people, and you’ve clearly got nothing, you dress like trash, so it makes sense you’d steal stuff. So either fess up or I’m gonna call the police.”

Cassian sees a flash of abject terror appear on her angry face for less than a second before she covers it back up. “I did not break into your fucking car, I have never broken into a car or any other vehicle!” She’s livid.

Cassian decides to intercede. He’s good at peacemaking, though this is already out of control. “Hey, did you see her in your car?” He asks Mr. Third floor.

“Well not exactly.”

“Have you ever seen her hang out by any cars that weren’t her ride somewhere?” He asks because Cassian doubts it. He’s mostly seen her rushing through the parking lot on her way somewhere else, never stopping in it.

“Well she hangs out around Gertie’s car - ”

And now Gertie from the second floor is in the stairwell. “She carries my groceries in for me! Now leave her alone.” Gertie can’t move fast, but her voice definitely carries.

Cassian’s grumpy asshole neighbor jumps back into the conversation and yells through gritted teeth, “There are 5 CCTV cameras pointed at our building, and at least 3 of them cover the parking lot as well! When was your car broken into?!”

When the answer isn’t forthcoming, Mr. third floor backs up and Cassian, Jyn, and Gertie realize at about the same time that no one broke into his car, and that this is some kind of insurance fraud claim. Cassian and Gertie both think, ok, problem solved, move on. Gertie heads back to her apartment.

Scary neighbor however, is about to completely lose her shit.

“You threatened me . . . . with police . . . . FOR INSURANCE FRAUD?!?!” Her face is pure rage, and there is about to be a murder in the building.

Cassian realizes what she’s about to do, and catches her around the waist as she launches herself at Mr. third floor insurance fraud.

Cassian says, “Leave it, he’s not worth it,” quietly by her ear, then turns back to the guy whose life he just saved, and hisses, “Get back in your apartment and don’t bother her again,” while still holding the enraged, vibrating, and now confused woman. She doesn’t usually have arms around her. The guy rushes into his place and locks the door. Cassian then tells the fury in his arms in a calm gentle voice, “Let’s go,” as he brings her towards the stairs.

She stops needing to be dragged and walks with him, attempting not to stand out in front of anyone else in the building after what just happened. She’s cognizant of the fact that she was just really really loud. When they get to the 5th floor, she turns those fiery eyes on him, hissing, “I had it handled.”

“Liar,” he replies incredulously. He narrows his eyes at her and moves into her space, “You really wanted to end up seeing those police officers you are terrified of for murdering that guy?”

That gets a reaction out of her.

Her eyes go wide. How did he know? I thought I hid it. He’s way too fucking observant. Shit, fear is back on my face again, get yourself under control Erso. “I’m not a criminal,” she tells him, because she isn’t. She just really wants to avoid them running her ID and putting it in their system.

“I didn’t say you were. I just defended you dummy,” he replies. I am playing with fire, she is clearly flustered and agitated. I really hope she doesn’t hit me.

Oh fuck, I don’t know how to do this, only having small talk with Bohdi is not helping me right now. “Thanks. Now fuck off,” she tells him, staring and trying (and failing) to read his face. She’s blushing, and her voice is a mix of anger and confusion.

She finally just quickly gets into her apartment.

She’s not a criminal, she’s in hiding. Having her ID run by police and in their system scares the shit out of her.

. . .

He quietly heads into his place locking the door behind him. That was intense. He helped her and she told him to fuck off! Her face said something different. Her face showed confusion, anger, shock, and fear. Third floor saying she dresses like trash runs around his mind making him angry.

He now knows a few new things about his neighbor. One, he knows what it feels like to have her in his arms when she is a vibrating ball of rage . . . . scary and exhilarating, and like she . . . like she . . . well like she just fit. Two, he knows she’s still an asshole. He helped her and she was pissed off. If he had not been there she would have been charged with assault or murder soon after. Three, she brings in Gertie’s groceries (and clearly Gertie likes her).

He does not know that she uses anger to keep other emotions at bay.

He also finds her eyes are beautiful, even when she’s angry, and she does not dress or look like trash.

. . .

Jyn can’t get away fast enough. She knows what it feels like to be in handsome neighbor’s arms. It feels really good.

I am so fucking touch starved. Of course I am, I’ve never dated or been romantic with anyone. His voice, by my ear, I wish I didn’t know what that was like because it’s something I want more of. I can’t have that.

He figured me out too, I might have to move.

I like that guy, a lot. I like how he treats his work friend, I even like that he stopped me from assaulting that guy. I like his voice, and I like that I’ve never seen him hurt me or anyone else.

Stop, I have to stop.

An old cruel voice plays through her mind again reminding her of what she thinks she still is.

All you are good for is hurting others. You are nothing but a tool for hurting people.

If you actually care about him, you will stay away from him.

She takes a cold shower because she doesn’t use hot water. For once a cold shower is also what she wants, to calm her feelings and hide her tears.

Chapter Text

~ December 19th ~

She’s in the library working when she notices this guy getting increasingly frustrated with his computer. She looks a little closer and realizes he’s having a hard time with an admin page he’s using to update his website. It’s not an intuitive setup. After half an hour more of him being frustrated, she decides to approach him.

“Hi, I do web development, I can help make that easier.”

He stares, but also looks intrigued. He finally moves over and turns the screen towards her. “Ok, what do you think?”

“Hmmm,” she combs through the admin and the live site. It’s for a nice looking dance club uptown called Elle Three. “I think you’re meant to update this section from this subpage. This part of the site correlates to this part of the admin.” She shows him, then adds, “If you give me three hours I can make you a better site that will be easier for you to use.”

“Really?” He tips his head to the side. He’s realized he recognizes her as someone he’s seen dumpster diving behind a restaurant very late at night before they were all locked up. He’s not sure he believes her but either way he thinks this will be entertaining.

“Yeah, really.” It’s true, fuck I hope he believes me. He looks posh, so he can probably pay for it.

“Ok, three hours, how much do you charge?”

“Ninety bucks if you like it.”

That seems low to him, but he can pay $90 whether it works or not. “Ok, three hours, ninety dollars.”

“I’ll get to work. See you in three hours.”

“I’m gonna get a bite to eat. Here’s my card.”

She looks it over. “Nice to meet you Lando. You won’t be disappointed.” She has boilerplates ready for this and will be able to make a good enough looking site to show him and also how he can use it by then. She can get the pictures she needs from the site he has up currently. They’re not encrypted. She can flesh it out more if he likes her initial setup.

“Great! What’s your name?”

“Kestral Rook.”

. . .

He’s back right on time, and she shows him the site set up locally on her machine. “Kestral, this is amazing.” Right then and there he puts the $90 on the table next to her hand while not taking his eyes off of her computer screen.

She shoves the money deep in her pocket without taking her eyes off the screen.

“Thanks. So to deploy it, you need a hosting site, it’s about ten dollars a month, and you already have the web address. If you use something like Quickbooks, I can make it work with the admin side of this site too. Are there any other things you want it to do?”

He’s honestly still kinda dumbfounded. “Yeah, if you can add a way to connect to Quickbooks that would be great. Can you also add a portal for my employees to access a calendar and all that?”

“Yeah, I can do that.”

They sit a bit longer to discuss the details, planning to meet up there same time tomorrow.

. . .

She’s early because the library is warm. He’s right on time.

After she shows him where it’s deployed and how to use the new updates, he’s clearly very pleased. “Kestral, you didn’t put your name anywhere. You should put your information in the footer or something so people can contact you.”

Her eyes widen, “No no no, I can’t do that. That’s, that’s, I just can’t.”

“All right, all right, I understand. Is there a way I can contact you if I need help, and if someone wants a site like this, I can call you? I won’t hand out your information, but I can use discretion and make an introduction.”

“Sure.” She can’t reasonably turn down the help. “Here’s my number and a good email address for reaching me.”

“Thanks.” He puts it somewhere safe, then pays her $90 more, and he takes a box out of his bag. “It’s near Christmas, so I brought something for you. You can think of it as a gift or a as payment. Whichever you find more comfortable.” He leaves before she can protest.

She puts everything away fast and heads to her apartment before opening the box.

She’s shocked and happy when she does. It has food that’s prepackaged so she knows it hasn’t been tampered with. There’s a $50 grocery card for the cheap grocery store so she won’t look out of place. There’s a transit card prepaid for a whole month! There’s a gift card for a place she can get a coat, and it won’t be a fancy coat but it will be good enough and she won’t stand out. There’s also $15 dollar gift card for “Finn’s Cafe,” so maybe she can have a treat.

This Lando Calrissian guy, he gets it. She wonders if he’s been homeless or hungry before. She’s glad he isn’t anymore.

Today is a good day.

. . .

“You like the new site?” Lando asks two of his favorite security people, Cassian and Kay.

“Yeah, it looks great,” remarks Cassian.

“And you two can log in here to check your pay, hours, add to the calendar, all that,” adds Lando.

“Now I am also impressed,” says Kay.

“And if you know anyone who might like a site like this, I think the lady who made it could use more work.”

“Sure, what’s her name?” Asks Cassian.

“Can’t say, she’s uncomfortable giving out information. Just send them my way and I’ll make an introduction.”

Chapter Text

~ December 29th ~

What is that sound?

Cassian swears he hears knocking. It’s 4 AM Saturday morning. He got home half an hour ago and was finally falling asleep.

There can’t possibly be knocking.

More knocking.

Hmm, I’m not dreaming am I, that is knocking, at 4 AM.

He heads to the door, then realizes it’s not the door. It’s the window?

He heads over to it and peeks out from the side of his blackout curtains. 

His eyes widen. “What the fuck?” It’s his angry neighbor. She looks frantic. He hasn’t seen her much in passing after he stopped her from murdering a guy on the third floor, and now she’s on the ledge of his window? He opens the window a little bit. It’s freezing because it’s December 29th, and this is the 5th floor! “What do you want?” 

“Please lemme in,” she whispers. “I’ll leave your apartment right away, I promise.”

He turns on a light then starts to open the window more and takes the screen out so she can come in. “What’s you name?” He asks her.

“Why do you need to know?” 

He stops and looks up at her, and the look says are you fucking kidding me? “Fine, but pick someone else’s fucking window next time.” She’s about to come through his apartment and can’t even tell him her name? “Are you being followed? I don’t want to be put in danger by my asshole neighbor.” He is well and truly pissed off. This woman is insane.

For once, she softens a little bit, she knows she has been and continues to be rude and there isn’t a good reason for that from his point of view. He’s definitely angry at her and she knows he’s completely justified, he hasn’t done anything to earn her ire. “My name is Jyn.” Almost immediately she realizes her mistake, she just told him her real name. What the fuck Jyn!! How did it even slip out? Her eyes widen and her anxiety jumps, “Wait, my ID says Kestral, so, please call me that,” she pleads.

He gets the window and screen open and she comes in. She takes the screen from him and starts putting it back, and he’s tired, so he lets her. Her movements are careful and precise. While she’s focused on that, he notices she’s smaller than he realized. Her aggression must have made her seem bigger to him. Her hands are really red because it’s fucking cold and she doesn’t have gloves on. The backs of her hands and knuckles are covered in scar tissue, which is what preoccupied the neighbor’s kid. He also wants to know why she has them, but if she was hesitant to tell him her own name, she isn’t going to tell him about her scars.

 “Jyn is your real name?” He asks carefully.

The screen is back in, she closes the window, and locks it, then she turns and looks at him, she doesn’t nod. She’s not sure what to say so she has an almost blank look. She notes he looks tired and angry. He’s also still very handsome. How is he always so handsome, even now?

When she is looking right at him, he notes that she looks a bit too thin, and she still has such beautiful eyes.

“I won’t say anything about it Kestral, to anyone,” he assures her quietly. “My name is Cassian Andor.”

He used her real name and then her fake name. Her real name hasn’t been used by someone other than her brother in so long, it makes her feel slightly warm somewhere inside that this guy said it because she likes him, quite a lot, and this guy hasn’t tried to hurt her yet. Her face actually softens completely.

“Yeah, it’s my real name. Nice to meet you Cassian. Thank you for opening the window.” She tells him then turns to leave. She stops and turns back, “I’m sorry I’ve been an asshole. You’ve never given me a reason to be. You’re a good man.” And she turns to leave quietly. 

“Why did you pick my window?” He’s not sure why he asks.

“Because I like how you treat your friend. He seems different to many, and you treat him like he’s not.”

That was not the answer he was expecting. “Wait,” he follows her to the door, and grabs a pair of gloves. He puts them in her hand then tries to close the door softly behind her before she can protest.

He’s not fast enough because she says, “I have gloves.” 

“Liar.” And he calls her a liar like he considers her a friend. “If you did you would be wearing them.” And now he gets the door shut, locked, and goes back to bed. The thought of, did she scale a five story building in late December? Plays through his mind as he falls asleep.

. . .

His place was nice. Really nice. And warm. 

He was pissed, and still cute, well, really cute. And handsome. Why am I thinking about my neighbor like that? Again! Well, maybe because I know what it’s like to have his voice in my ear, and be held by him. I’ve never seen him be mean. And Cassian is a nice name. I bet he would even be kind and good to Bohdi.

It’s so cold here.

The heat is off and it’s December. She brushes her teeth and looks in the mirror. She looks exhausted and her face is thinner than usual. She actually looks like she isn’t getting enough food lately. She decides to stop thinking and puts on the new warm gloves and climbs into her sleeping bag on the floor.

Before she sleeps it registers that the gloves smell like her neighbor and his warm apartment.

Chapter Text

~ January 7th ~

Seriously,” says Kay quietly. 

“Fuck,” replies Cassian. Six guys they wouldn’t let into the club because they were clearly up to something and creeping out the other patrons in line are waiting for them near Kay’s car. They parked farther from the club than usual and are regretting it. Cassian and Kay are not useless in a fight but there are six of these guys. And it’s dark. And now they are being backed into an alley that isn’t close to Elle Three.

“You assholes ruined our night,” says the apparent ringleader, and Cassian thinks to himself, no you ruined your own night, and hears exactly that said out loud as he thinks it. But he didn’t say it.

He recognizes that voice.

That’s Jyn’s voice.

She rushes the guys like a bat out of hell before the six of them have even finished turning towards her. She’s got some kind of stick on her arm. Later when Cassian looks it up, he finds out it’s something called a truncheon. One guy gets a truncheon to the face and an elbow to the gut, while another gets knocked down hard by a strong well placed kick to the chest. The next is flipped over her and onto his back, hitting the ground hard.

The fourth lands a painful punch in her gut before she uppercuts him with her truncheon followed by her fist. There are two more guys, and one has already started running away, and the last one decides to do the same the moment Jyn looks while growling in his direction.

Kay and Cassian gawk at her. She’s breathing a little heavy.

“Hey,” she snaps at them, “Quick, let’s go.

Cassian grabs Kay’s keys from his hand and they head to Jyn, all three getting into the car.

Cassian starts driving then says, “Kay, this is Kestral.” 

“The scary neighbor!” Says Kay as he recognizes where they’ve seen each other before. 

“Yeah, that’s me. Can you let me out here?” They’ve driven all of two minutes.

“That guy hit you really hard though,” Cassian starts to say and realizes based on the look he sees in the rear view mirror, she might just jump out of the vehicle instead of talk about getting medical care. “Nevermind, I can drop you off here. Talk later Spiderwoman.” 

She looks amused at her nickname. She narrows her eyes at them both before saying, “All right, now you two be careful.” And she disappears into the night.

“What just happened??” Kay asks Cassian.

“I mean she took out six guys - ”

“ - IT IS 3:00 IN THE MORNING AND SHE IS AT OUR WORK AND SHE’S BASICALLY BATMAN!!” Kay cannot take it all in. He continues, “That awful man punched her really really hard. Why did you let her leave? She needs to go to the ER.”

“I know, but she was never going to agree to go. She was about to jump out of the moving car instead of getting medical help.”

“I see. Kestral a.k.a. Spiderwoman a.k.a. scary neighbor is, well, she’s lost her mind hasn’t she?”

“Kay, I think she’s just had a very different kind of life.” And not a good one, he suspects.

. . .

That was exhilarating, but fuck, that hurt a lot. He was right, I got hit bad. I saved handsome neighbor Cassian and his tall friend Kay.

Jyn, get yourself together, stop calling him that. You are in hiding, you can’t have friends. You especially can’t have handsome friends that you think about kind of often. What would you and him even talk about?

The voice in her mind turns cruel and darker thoughts drilled into her by a monster take over.

All you’re good for is hurting others and being used to hurt others. If you actually care about him, you will stay away from him.

. . .

“So, I saw some terrifying CCTV footage, and you guys need a new safe parking spot,” Lando’s girlfriend Elle tells Cassian and Kay. She’s been rewatching it.

“I’ve set up a space in the garage next door, you can take the tunnel there. I’m paying,” Lando tells Kay before Kay decides to protest. “Do you know that lady?”

“Wait, do you know that lady?” Replies Cassian.

“Maybe,” replies Lando.

Cassian puts it together, “She made the website didn’t she!” Cassian didn’t know she was a programmer, but Lando had been secretive about who made it and Jyn was secretive about everything.

“Kestral makes websites?” Kay asks.

“Hey, be discreet. She clearly keeps a low profile for a reason. Respect that,” replies Lando.

Elle has been rewatching the video, trying to figure out if she’s met fighter chick before. She finally puts it together. “Oh my god! I recognize her! She’s sneaky figure skater! This Kestral is the figure skater who kept sneaking into the rink I manage. She’s really good.”

“Batman figure skates?” Asks Kay.

“Yeah, though not as often as she did in the fall.”

“And keep her name off your lips. I don’t know what she’s hiding from, just that it’s bad,” says a dead serious Lando to the three of them.

Chapter Text

~ January 15th ~

“Batman is here,” says Kay.

“Batman?” Cassian replies wondering what Kay means. He’s inputting a patient’s medication details and printing discharge papers. It’s been a quiet night.

“Kestral, your scary super neighbor.” 

“Oh no, it’s gonna be a long shift.” She is being argumentative while trying to come in with someone who is in a wheelchair from the waiting room. He honestly really liked her, she was difficult but she was brave and underneath that harsh exterior, she had a big heart, but she wouldn’t talk to him or wave or even acknowledge him when he saw her since she saved him and Kay a week ago, or since the window incident a week before that.

“He’s my brother, he has insurance, let me come in with him.” She’s practically pleading already. The man she wants to come in with has work goggles on his head and large alert beautiful eyes. They don’t really look alike. They’re adoptive siblings. She gives them her ID to look over. They look and don’t scan it. She’s Kestral Rook. They are Bohdi and Kestral Rook. They are really adoptive siblings, but Bohdi Rook-Erso and Jyn Erso were their more accurate names. 

The staff just wants to complete intake before letting her in. Her brother won’t let go of her hand so they finally let her in with him.

When Cassian goes in to their room after their intake, Jyn is sitting holding her brother’s hand and she’s asleep. The patient, Bohdi, appears to be a ball of jittery anxiety. The pair of work goggles perched on his head look out of place here, but somehow they do not look out of place on him. He writes a note for Cassian with his other hand. 

————

I don’t want to wake her. I hurt my right leg. I fell. Hurts bad.

————

Cassian starts to write ok . . . then he hears it. Breathing that sounds . . . off. He wouldn’t have heard it if it wasn’t so quiet. It isn’t Bohdi’s breathing, it’s Jyn’s. 

He looks at her and edges a little closer. She’s still asleep. Her breathing is definitely labored.

He gets a better look at her now than he has before because she’s staying still. Now he’s positive she isn’t eating much or often enough. Either she has access to less and less food or he hasn’t been paying enough attention to her.

He gets back to writing.

————

My name is Cassian, I’m your nurse today. Kestral is my neighbor. Tell me more about this fall.

————

Cassian is wondering what is up with these two, she seems so alone and while he’s not starving quite like her he’s thin and he appears to be one of the most jittery people Cassian’s ever met.

They sort Bohdi’s information out on the pad of paper. Next he takes Bohdi’s vitals.

Jyn stirs as Cassian takes Bohdi’s blood pressure. She looks from one to the other, then at herself, then she hides her hands in her sleeves. “Hi Cassian, this is my brother Bohdi. Bohdi, this is my neighbor Cassian.”

Bohdi turns to her, “You made a friend?” He’s a mix of shocked and excited.

Jyn looks mortified, and kinda confused.

Cassian decides to help before whatever crazy reply she’s concocting comes out of her mouth, “Yeah, your sister’s awesome. She saved me and my friend from six guys who were gonna beat us up,” he tells Bohdi, then he turns to her, “I’m your brother’s nurse. If you two need anything, just call.” He heads out as he wants to find the doctor on call, his friend Baze Malbus. 

“Baze,” says Cassian as he finds Dr. Malbus, “the guy in there, hurt his leg bad from a fall, but his sister is with him, and her breathing sounds, it sounds like she’s having breathing problems.” 

“Hmmm, thank you for letting me know.”

“She’s my neighbor, I don’t think she has insurance, and she’s pretty aggressive whenever I see her. I don’t think she’ll be cooperative.”

Baze surprises him with a big smile. Dr. Malbus likes a challenge. “I’ll see what I can do. Thank you for passing that info on.” 

“She also looks like she’s not eating enough.”

“Not eating, breathing wrong, and aggressive. Got it.”

“And she took out six guys who came after me and Kay last week. One of them punched her in the stomach pretty hard.”

“That was her?” They’d talked about it, but he didn’t expect to meet her. “She’s so tiny.”

“Yeah, that’s her,” he says, and there is affection for her in his voice.

Dr. Malbus raises an eyebrow at him before he turns around to head over to their room, but the ER social worker and counselor, his husband Churrit Îmwe, has already entered Bohdi’s room. He will have to wait. Cassian and Baze note that Churrit has brought food for the siblings.

. . .

While Churrit had worked to hone his other senses after he lost his sight, he already had better hearing than most.

When the brother and sister arrived, he could hear a few distinct things. One, the one who could walk right now stepped so quietly that he suspected most people would not hear her moving around. Two, her breathing was labored. Three, Dana the administrator who checked them in quietly asked her coworker if that sister looked a little too thin to her. If Dana had felt the need to bring it up, then this woman was probably not eating enough.

Good hearing also helped him hear the quiet conversation that Kestral and Bohdi were having with each other when they passed by him. His consummate people skills are what he used to pick up on the subtext of their conversation.

Kestral was reassuring him by telling him where they were, and her voice was calm, which made Churrit suspect he had trouble keeping track. His mental state is likely complicated. Bohdi kept reassuring her that they were safe, though his voice was not as steady. Churrit suspected it meant that her brother thought she might run and that she doesn’t trust many people.

He went to the cafeteria and bought food for them both. He decided to pretend that they usually brought a meal in for patients and their family in the ER at 10:30 at night.

When Cassian left their room, Churrit slipped in.

“Hello, I’m Churrit Îmwe, and I’m the social worker and counselor on this shift.” He can feel the tension rise, they don’t trust counselors (they don’t trust anyone). “I brought your meals,” and he hands them to them.

“Now, I’m sure you’ve noticed that I am visually impaired, so instead of writing notes, I take them on my keyboard.” It’s a small hand held remote keyboard. “It’s not a recording device.”

Bohdi audibly startles wondering if this guy read his mind. Jyn’s curiosity is peaked, and with a somewhat full mouth she asks, “How does that keyboard work?”

“It sends the notes to my laptop and tablet so I can sort them with a screen reader later.”

“What’s the program called?”

He tells her.

“I’m gonna look them up later. I program.”

Bohdi pipes up, “She’s really good, like really good. Kestral’s amazing.” He’s beaming.

“Wow, who do you work for Kestral?” Asks Churrit.

“Not one person or place. It’s contract stuff I find online, sometimes in person.”

“They keep stiffing her, but I’ve seen the work, she’s really good,” says Bohdi.

Fuck, she doesn’t want to talk about that with this Churrit dude. They just met. She also doesn’t want to be aggressive in front of Bohdi because it scares him. Time to change the subject. “Bohdi is a mechanic, he’s really good at it.” Understatement thinks Jyn. He’s basically a savant, but he’s hard to employ, he disappears a lot. So far, Hera is the only employer who hasn’t fired him out of frustration. Bohdi doesn’t mean to disappear, he gets confused.

“Tell me more.” Churrit notes they are both enthusiastic about each other’s abilities and supportive of each other.

Before he leaves a little later, he tells them, “My husband Dr. Malbus will be in soon.”

. . .

Baze meets them and orders X-Rays for Bohdi.

When Cassian takes Bohdi to Kay for X-Rays, Baze comes and has Jyn come with them instead of having her wait in the room like they usually do. She has no idea that this isn’t how it’s usually done.

Baze has decided to corner her in front of Bohdi. It’s clear to everyone she’s calmer around him and goes out of her way not to upset him. He talks to her after Bohdi’s X-Rays while they are all still there.

“Kestral,” Baze addresses her, makes eye contact, and keeps it. “I want to take a chest X-Ray of you under Bohdi’s name. We can delete it because ‘something went wrong with the machine’ after I look at it.”

She looks about to run and fight, but Baze maintains eye contact. 

What the fuck? Is the first thing she thinks. She realizes she can’t look away. And fuck, Bohdi’s right there. This doctor guy is not lying, that much is true, he will delete it. I still don’t want to get on that table, but he probably won’t let me out without the X-Ray. I don’t want to do this. But fuck it’s been so hard to breath lately. And Bohdi’s right there, and it’s better if he trusts these guys, and it’s better if he doesn’t see me in crazy aggressive mode.

She hasn’t said anything yet. She’s still thinking. 

Baze says, “You guys, out,” without even turning away from her. Even Kay doesn’t question him.

Once they all leave and the door is closed he asks, “Are you hiding from the law?” 

“No.” Because she isn’t. 

“You’re hiding from someone or a few someones?”

She nods.

His tone is more gentle now, “Kestral, what happens to Bohdi if you die from a breathing problem?”

That makes her think. She’s all Bohdi has and Bohdi is all she has. “You won’t tell anyone anything? Not even your husband?” 

“I won’t tell anyone.” Then he adds, “You realize my husband is likely to figure it out without me telling him. I mean, you met him.”

She snorts out a small laugh at that comment. “Fine. It’s just, if I’m found, they’ll use me to hurt people, so you promise no records.” 

“No records.” He assures her. “Now I have to get them back in here to hide what we’re doing.”

She nods once.

“Change there,” and he points to a small door and hands her a hospital gown. “Just upper half. You can keep your pants on.”

She does what he says. Why am I listening to this guy? She wonders. Maybe because he’s grumpy like me, and seems to understand me and Bohdi. He feels safe. 

Baze calls Kay, Bohdi, and Cassian back in. Cassian is at the back of Bohdi’s wheelchair. Bohdi looks extremely apprehensive. Cassian keeps a reassuring hand on his shoulder, hoping to offer the man some calm.

Jyn still has her necklace on when she comes out, which she takes off and hands to Bohdi. He holds it like it’s the most precious item in the world, because to Jyn, it is.

Up close, Kay realizes she’s in a fair amount of pain, but he’s always careful with patients, and he is with her as well. 

The back of her hospital gown isn’t completely closed, and Cassian notes her bones definitely show more than they should. He wants to get food into his neighbor if he can ever get her to at least acknowledge his existence.

The guys head behind the divider and Kay pushes the button. They wait to see if it comes out, and when it does Kay visibly startles. Baze sees exactly what he expected to see. Cassian isn’t a radiologist, but he has some understanding of X-Rays. She has pneumonia and two broken ribs. She’s clearly no stranger to broken ribs. She has many older fractures that have healed over. She went through prolonged child abuse according to her X-Ray.  

Before anyone says anything Kay gets up and heads back over to her acting like everything is fine. “It worked. I’m going to take two more to get a better look. I’ll delete them. You have my word. Move a little this way.”

“Why?”

“There are two more views that are beneficial. Come on Batman, let’s do this.” And he gets her into position. 

“Batman?”

“You took out all those guys last week. It was like you were Batman.”

“Never been called Batman before.”

“Stop moving Batman.” Kay goes back and pushes the button. This time he drops his head into his hand when he sees the new image. He takes a deep breath. He wants to murder whoever did this to her. Then he gets up and walks back over to her like nothing is wrong. “Last one.” He gets her into position then comes back and pushes the button. 

Baze, Cassian, and Kay stare at the images they will be deleting soon before leaving the room. Bohdi stares over his shoulder at them and at the screen. He doesn’t know what he’s looking at, but he has some idea of why they look angry. He remembers. Some of it is hazy, and a lot of it is out of order, but he remembers.

“Can I get up?” She asks after two minutes.

“Yeah, go change,” says Baze.

Kay deletes the X-Rays as she comes out of the changing room. “What?!” She says angrily giving Cassian déjà vu. Bohdi looks for her hand to give her the necklace. She puts it back on and tucks it away. Then she holds Bohdi’s hand again. They are each other’s life line at the moment.

“We deleted them, let’s go back to the room.” Baze informs her.

. . .

Kay tracks Baze, Churrit, and Cassian down. “You have to admit her.” He tells them, specifically he tells Baze. 

“Can’t do that.” 

“That is unacceptable. Is she in trouble with the law or something?” 

“No.” Baze looks at his stubborn coworker. Honestly Baze isn’t sure she isn’t in trouble with the law, just that it is not what she’s running from. “I am going to do what I can.”

“We can admit her.”

“If we do that we won’t be able to do anything.” 

“Why not?”

Cassian cuts in, “Because then she will leave.” 

Kay narrows his eyes and looks at them all for a long time, “Fine. No admitting her.” 

“Kay,” says Churrit, “You’re already doing a lot for her. I promise we will do as much as we can.”

He looks at them all one at a time. “Good, because if you don’t I’m coming for you.”

. . .

Baze and Cassian finish getting Bohdi ready to be discharged. He has a fracture, but it should heal soon. Churrit has been talking with Bohdi a lot as well.

“Hey grumpy,” Baze addresses Jyn. She actually smiles a little. Cassian notes he really likes when she smiles. “Antibiotics for you. No charge. You follow the directions. An inhaler twice a day. And ibuprofen. Take 2 to 4 every 8 hours for 3 days. It will help.” The antibiotics and inhaler say they are for Bohdi Rook, and she suspects this doctor is giving her ibuprofen he bought at a Target. Now some tears want to flow, but hell if she’ll allow that.

Breathing has been really uncomfortable.

She nods and agrees to do what he said. 

. . .

It’s almost the end of their shift when Bohdi is discharged and Kay insists on driving them home. Jyn thinks that’s a good idea since they came here on the bus which was difficult with Bohdi having an injured leg.

Bohdi is half asleep and babbling about Jyn, “For real, she’s real good at websites, made a club site, and finding things, she finds me sometimes, I forget where I am, been brother and sister since we were kids, since me mum died, mum wore goggles, like these goggles, I miss mum, my first mum, our mum was nice too,”

“ - Bohdi, wanna tell them about how you draw planes?” He’s telling people they barely know a whole lot.

“Wait, they’re your friends right, you have friends now? We can have friends?”

“You can have friends,” she says reassuring him.

Cassian notes she said Bohdi can have friends, not both of them.

“Ok Kestral. I draw planes, but I keep drawing the bad man who hurt - ” and now she puts a hand over his mouth.

“Cassian, tell us why you decided to be a nurse!” She begs. He does because Jyn looks desperate.

“Kay and I met in the military, we were medics.”

“Well first we did other stuff in the military that gives Cassian nightmares, then we made our way into medical specialties,” Kay adds solemnly. He’s decided Kestral needs to know she and Bohdi are not the only haunted people in the car, they are not alone.

“True,” replies Cassian. He does not want to talk about those specific memories. Bohdi and Jyn are silent.

Cassian continues telling them about his and Kay’s time in the military (leaving out parts of his time there that haunt him) until they get to Bohdi’s place.

Jyn and Bohdi do not let Kay or Cassian into his place when they get there. She brings Bohdi in and returns to the car after a couple of minutes.

“I’m not used to social stuff,” she tells them after a few minutes of silence while driving.

“Me neither,” says Kay.

“Did, did it happen when you were Batman?” Cassian can’t contain his curiosity anymore.

“No, well, not all of it.”

Kay says, “I have more questions, and I won’t ask, because I know you won’t answer. If that ever changes, you better call me.”

Cassian finally adds, “I don’t know anyone who is great at being social after a night in the ER. Well, maybe Churrit.”

“Yeah, I can see that,” says Jyn, and she smiles thinking about it.

Kay drops off Jyn and Cassian. Jyn wants to rush up and away from Cassian because he’s nice, and kind, and handsome, and interesting, and she wants him to hold her, and she can’t let him in because he deserves much better than her. She’s just a thing used to hurt people.

But she can’t move very fast today.

And breathing is still hard.

“Do we take the stairs or climb the outside of the building?” He asks, and looks quite serious.

She flashes him a genuine big real smile, “Stairs maybe, don’t want to show off too much.”

It takes longer than usual to get to the 5th floor, and Cassian sticks by her side. When they get to their floor, she waits, not wanting to go in to her cold apartment yet, and waiting to catch her breath.

After a couple minutes, she decides to let him in on one secret. “Cassian?”

“Yeah?”

“I didn’t climb up the building. I climbed down from the roof. Thank you for opening the window.” And she goes inside her apartment, locking it immediately.

“I have so many more questions.” He says in a strained voice at her door before he goes back to his place.

Chapter Text

~ January 25th ~

Cassian is waiting for his date to show up. It’s his day off. So far he has waited an hour. He’s attempting to go on a date because he can’t stop thinking about Jyn, and Jyn is not interested in him. He can’t just keep thinking about her all the time.

The date isn’t helping him move past Jyn because the date is a no show, and also because his beautiful aggressive super neighbor Kestral/Jyn arrived in the same cafe he is in fifteen minutes ago. She was very distracted so she never noticed him.

They are in Finn’s Cafe, and he’s having matcha tea and vegetable soup, and she’s working on her laptop and eating nothing. She has the gloves he gave her. Since she was an unofficial patient in his the ER, she’s started nodding hello to him and acknowledges him when she sees him in the halls of their building. That’s an improvement, but she’s clearly not interested in him the way he is interested in her. And he can’t get her to make small talk.

He’s pretty sure his date isn’t coming. He ordered food for himself when she was half an hour late.

The cafe owner smiles a lot and is a bit overly chatty with people thinks Cassian, but Cassian’s a quiet type so he wonders if maybe the overly friendly owner is normal and he’s the weird one.

Fifteen minutes later, he’s sure the date isn’t coming, and he’s also observed Jyn becoming increasingly distressed. Her hands are gripping her table like it’s the only thing keeping her tethered to the earth. The scars on her hands are stretched wide.

Soon after Jyn came in, she realized she was not going to get paid for the Python Scraping Scripts she made and already sent to the client. They’re perfect but he said they’re bad and refuses to pay. The guy even gave her a bad rating on the contract site she’s using to get out of paying. Today he’s just getting something for free, but today and tomorrow she won’t eat. That he’s also taken away her ability to get future income through this site just leaves her feeling broken. 

Today is a very bad day.

Jyn still hasn’t eaten anything and Cassian is getting up the courage to sit with her and get her some food because it’s clear she needs some, her unwillingness to have friends be damned. Her cheeks are too hollow at this point. When the owner goes by, he flags him over and quietly asks to order some food for that lady over there. “She’s my neighbor,” he explains.

I won’t cry, I won’t cry in front of anyone ever again, Jyn tells herself. She puts her laptop and other stuff in her bag, briefly walks toward the counter and carefully takes and hides a wrapped sandwich and leaves as calmly as she can.

Cassian and the owner both notice (the other patrons do not), and the owner is out the door and after her immediately. Cassian was about to just pay for what she took, but the owner is already gone. Cassian runs out to try to catch up with them hoping to diffuse the situation.

“Hey, hey,” the guy at the shop gets a hand on her elbow and there are too many people around for her to punch him without being noticed. Plus, she feels physically weak lately. “You can keep the sandwich, it’s on the house, just please come eat it inside.” 

She was just so so fucking hungry, she finally took food and ran after using the cafe’s heat and wifi yet again. She’s embarrassed and hates herself for stealing from a small shop. She’s seen this guy, and he works hard. She keeps eye contact as she reddens. His hand is still on her elbow and while his face is stern, his eyes are soft and warm. She sees her neighbor, her gorgeous nice neighbor, jog up to them out of the corner of her eye. He doesn’t look angry either.

It’s too hard. Today is too hard. She can’t think and she feels like garbage.

“My name is Finn. You’re not in any trouble. Please just come eat inside where it’s warm,” pleads the cafe owner.

Cassian hears this and Finn is officially the best cafe owner.

Jyn swallows and nods. What the fuck else is she supposed to do? She almost wants to cry because she’s just exhausted and he’s giving her food, but she doesn’t. She’s been humiliated for crying enough times that she doesn’t want anyone to see her cry ever again. 

Finn seems to get that she’ll cry if she talks, and gently leads her inside to a different quiet spot in the cafe right by the heater.

“Can I sit with you Spiderwoman?” Asks Cassian. Honestly she has no idea what to think right now. “I’ll keep quiet. Mind if I read here?” He shows her his book. So Long and Thanks for all the Fish, she loves that book.

She does and doesn’t want company right now. She has no idea what she wants. It probably makes her less noticeable to the other patrons if she is not alone at a table, but rather with “a friend.”

Then something just breaks inside her.

He keeps coming back and he’s kind. I want to be near him, know all his stories, and have him be my friend. All I have is Bohdi and he’s my brother and friend and we’re both broken. Why can’t I at least have Cassian as my friend? Maybe I’m more than just a creature that’s used to hurt people. Maybe Krennic was wrong. Maybe, just maybe, I can have a friend. Cassian always calls me Kestral and keeps my real name secret. Cassian’s a good friend to Kay. What’s the point of avoiding everyone except Bohdi? I’m already falling apart.

She says, “Take a seat. I’ve read that one, it’s good.”

Finn goes behind the counter for a minute while she wonders if she should pull the stolen food from her pocket in front of Cassian and whoever else is here, but he’s back. “Here’s your order ma’am.” And he looks from Cassian to her and wordlessly asks “is this guy bothering you?”

“Neighbors,” she explains. “He’s a good neighbor, a good man.”

It’s a grilled cheese and tomato soup, and a glass of juice. There is a note on the napkin:

————

On the house, we pretend you paid. Keep the sandwich in your pocket for a meal later. 

I have a sandwich for you any day you need one.

Finn

————

“Thanks,” she says quietly. She does not have the words to properly express what this means to her. She hopes Finn understands, (he does).

Finn leaves to serve other customers.

Jyn moves to tuck herself away a little before taking a bite. It’s so fucking good. She hopes she didn’t moan out load or something, she’s been out of it lately from being forced to skip more and more meals. (She did moan, Finn takes it as a compliment and Cassian is relieved she’s eating).

The food is good, the rest of her does not know what to feel. She does however, have a question. She knows she should already know the answer, but doesn’t. “Cassian?” She asks.

“Yeah?”

“Can I have friends?” She has to make sure.

Cassian’s heart breaks, she looks so lost. It’s clear that she has been eating less and less while under rising stress since he first met her. That has to make thinking harder. He answers her like it’s a regular question and not one that tears his heart out, “Yes, you can have friends.”

“Ok, thanks,” she replies, as if all along she just needed his permission. “And, we’re friends?”

“Yeah, we are.” He puts his hand on hers for a few seconds for emphasis. She visibly relaxes when he does.

. . .

Finn realizes his fiancé has popped in through the back to say hello. Getting to help a starving patron and his fiancé dropping by, it’s a great day.

Finn then notices the look on his fiancé’s face. “Rey? You ok?”

She looks stunned. She quietly asks, “What just happened?”

“Food insecure patron. She comes in for the heat and the wifi. I wasn’t sure she was hungry until today. Do you know her?”

In her head she thinks, yeah, and my partner and I charge her a lot to keep her and her brother from being found by some pretty scary people. I knew she wasn’t living fancy based on her clothes, but I thought she was just frugal, not starving. What she says quietly is, “I know of her. Nice kid. I’m gonna go.”

“Already?”

“Yeah, love you.” Then she gently pulls him into the back to kiss him deeply.

“Love you too. You sure you’re ok.”

I am not sure at all, “I’m fine Finn. I’m off the clock at five, can you come over?”

“Yeah, I’m closing up at four. Wanna watch Ghosts?”

“Yes, that’s perfect!”

“See you then.” He gives her a quick kiss, but she follows and chases after a deeper one. “You are very distracting and amazing,” he says breathlessly.

“You too, I’m a very lucky woman.” And she leaves.

. . .

When Jyn has eaten part of her food (as her stomach physically requires her not to hurry at the moment) she gets back on the computer. She takes her work profile down, it’s ruined on this site anyway. 

That asshole who didn’t pay me may have ruined my chances for new work here, but maybe I can have vengeance.

She also realizes Cassian is reading, but sometimes he looks up at her. They’re friends now. She decides to attempt to be social. She talks slowly, like she hasn’t in awhile, because the only person she shoots the breeze with is Bohdi. “I made some scraping scripts for a client through this work site. They were good. He refused to pay, and then he tanked my rating. I’m taking my profile down.”

“Oh,” and he moves a little to see the screen. “Does that happen a lot? Them not paying?”

“Well, it happens to me a lot.”

“Can you do anything about it?”

“No,” she thinks a bit, she’s deciding how much to tell him. “I can cause him some trouble.”

“What kind of trouble?” Cassian asks looking quite intrigued.

“Well, if I can get into his system, I can ruin the scripts he took.”

“That sounds fair. Can I see?”

Within a few minutes, she’s in his system, and has changed the scraper scripts she sent him. They no longer work and it doesn’t appear he had copied them anywhere else yet.

She perks up a little. “I can sign his work email up for a butt load of subscriptions through this subscription service too, then change his password for the contract site. He’ll have a hard time resetting it because his inbox will be useless.” She looks at him. There’s some fire in her eyes.

He laughs, “Perfect, because fuck that guy.” Jyn actually flashes a big proper smile at him.

“Yeah fuck that guy,” she says quietly while signing him up for enough stuff to completely ruin his work email while changing his password for the contract site. She notes it’s nice sharing this experience with Cassian.

Another bite of this wonderful food.

“I should leave this place amazing reviews everywhere.” And she gets right to it. “There’s no website. There’s no website?”

“There isn’t?” Cassian replies.

“No, I mean I can review it in all the usual places, but this guy doesn’t have a website for his place. He needs one! He has to have one! His amazing food must be known!” She’s a lot more animated suddenly even more than when she was getting back at the guy who screwed her.

“I can make one,” and she gets a container up and running on her computer and adds her boilerplate Django backend and React frontend with SASS styling because it’s gonna be beautiful. 

“You can do that? Like right now?” Cassian asks, watching her open and close programs, windows, and tabs while typing.

“Yeah.”

She has many windows and tabs in different programs there working together. There are a lot of colors and different programs and now and then she shows him the test site she’s running. 

“That looks really good Kestral. Did you make a site for Elle Three?” He already knows, but doesn’t want to get into why, as Lando was careful with her name.

“Yeah.” And she smiles.

“I work there, it looks really good. Lando paid you right.”

“Yeah, Lando’s good. I had a good Christmas because of him.”

. . .

“I made you something.” She tells Finn, there is a lull in customers and it’s almost closing time. She’s walked her laptop over to him at the counter. “You need a website. See? It’s all yours, you just need to pay for a url and a hosting fee, but the site is all yours. I can show you the admin side. Do you use quickbooks?”

Finn can see Cassian smiling from the table the two of them were sitting at.

“I do. This looks amazing. You sure? I can’t really pay much, and this looks expensive.” It does look really good and functional, but he does not have much money for something that looks this good.

“You already paid.” And she smiles and holds out the note where he said she could have a sandwich any day she needs one.

. . .

After the day at the cafe, she is friendlier, and they even have small talk in the hallway. He gets her to come over and they hang out at his apartment twice. They watch Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy the first time, and play cards the second.

He tells her a little about his time in the military. When he tells her about how his father didn’t come home one day when he was caught in crossfire, she puts her hand on his and squeezes it gently. She listens too.

He cooks and they eat together. She does the dishes, and he dries them. He tells Kay later and Kay is very happy to hear the scary neighbor with scarier X-Rays is eating and hanging out.

Chapter Text

~ February 3rd ~

Luke tried to stay positive for his sister, but sometimes it was difficult. He felt out place frequently. He wasn’t as diplomatic and comfortable with others as she was. They moved to this city recently to try to figure out what happened to their family and to start over. So far they found nothing other than a partial lead. Their mom was from here, but died right after they were born. They weren’t sure who their father was. There were rumors someone hurt their mother, and that it might have been their father.

“Everyone who knows anything is at that club Kay works for. I asked Kay if we can go with him tonight,” says Leia. Kay lives on the first floor next door to them. “You’re gonna need to dress up.”

“Wait, tonight?” This is way out of his comfort zone.

“Yeah. Did you have other plans?”

“No.”

“Come on, it will be fun. I’ll ask questions and I promise I won’t drink.”

“I make no such promises. What should I do while we’re there?”

“You can watch my back and find a cute guy to dance with. You’re a decent dancer.”

He has a short laugh at that idea. He’s coordinated, but dancing makes him self conscious. “I think you’re the only one who thinks that.” He looks at his sister and she’s getting deflated. It’s clear she doesn’t want to drag him to the club if he doesn’t want to go, but they are legitimately following up on leads. “Hey, I’ll still have fun ok? How about you tell me what I should I wear?”

He was right, and she perks back up. “I have some ideas,” she says, and they head to his closet.

. . .

On Saturday, Jyn knocks on Cassian’s door. When he answers, he’s in an undershirt and dress pants and he has wet somehow still artfully styled hair.

He’s so gorgeous, he’s gorgeous like all the time. How does he do that?

“Hey Kestral, what’s up?” Cassian takes in her look, because she looks like she wants to ask for something but is embarrassed about what she’s going to ask for.

“Hey, umm, what’s Elle Three like?” Asks Jyn.

“Oh, it’s really nice, there are a lot of lights, multiple dance floors, good music, tables to meet up and talk, and of course lots of dancing. Lando runs a tight ship, illegal substances are not allowed and smoking has to be outside, so the atmosphere inside is great. I mean I’m sure some illegal stuff gets in, but we try hard to keep it out. The food and drinks are good too.” Why is she asking about Elle Three and looking embarrassed to ask?

“Cool, cool.”

“Come in, I have to finish getting ready.”

“Thanks.” She comes in and hops up onto his kitchen counter. She fiddles with her hands.

He comes out of his room buttoning his dress shirt, and his first thought is she is at a perfect height for a kiss, then he remembers to speak. “Would you like to go to Elle Three?”

“Yes, no, well, kinda. I think it would be good for Bohdi. I think it would be good for his senses to be overwhelmed for a bit in a place like that. Also, he likes dancing and music.”

“Would you and Bohdi want to come with me and Kay tonight? You guys can come in the back, guests of employees don’t have to pay the first time.” Not true, but he’s not gonna tell her. He’ll pay for her and Bohdi ahead of time and make sure they don’t know. “Kay and I will be working, but it should still be fun for you and Bohdi.”

She thinks about it. “Yeah, that would be really good.” She looks a lot happier, and hops off the counter. “I think it will help, I’ll go find him.”

“Kay comes at 4:30.”

“I know.” She turns back and reddens. “You have a predictable schedule.” Cassian has a little smirk. She wonders if he knows how much she likes him. “We’ll meet you outside.”

Cassian makes a few calls. Elle is especially excited that sneaky figure skater will be visiting.

. . .

“I don’t know about this,” says Bohdi. He definitely likes music and dancing, but he is not a confident person.

“Don’t worry, I have a plan. Remember how sometimes when we were on the run, we switched, and you would act confident and I either was quieter or acted nervous?”

“Yeah?”

“We need to do that tonight.” Bohdi could fake confidence, he had done so when needed before. More than ten hours of fake confidence was not possible, because while it was fun, it involved a lot of mental energy that consisted of figuring out what Jyn or confident people do in a given situation.

Jyn figured it would be enough and once the music and dancing started he wouldn’t have to be in confidence mode. He could simply be caught up in the music.

“But why?” Asks Bohdi.

“Because we need to get out and this will be good for us once the dancing starts, and an appearance of confident Bohdi will get us there.”

“Ok, I like this idea, as long as you don’t act nervous. What are you going to act like?”

“I’m gonna pretend to have social skills,” she says seriously, before she starts laughing.

He laughs too, “I’m gonna be doing the same! Do you think we’ll fool anyone? Who cares, this will be fantastic!”

. . .

When Kay picks them up later, Leia looks lovely as usual and ready for a night at the club, and Luke is dressed well, but he does not have his sister’s confidence. He’s nervous.

Kay tells them, “We’re picking up my friend, and apparently he’s bringing two people tonight as well. It’s his neighbor and her brother. They’re odd. Should be fun.”

They pick up Kestral, Bohdi, and Cassian. Cassian is dressed quite sharp like Kay, and Kestral and Bohdi, do not looked like they are dressed for a night at a club. Kestral owns two and a half outfits total, all utilitarian stuff. Bohdi has work goggles on his head, which look out of place in the car, but they look like they belong on Bohdi’s head. He has his boot air cast on still, though his leg is doing much better.

Kay’s car is packed. At least Jyn, Bohdi, Luke, and Leia are all small.

“So how long have you worked at Elle Three?” Asks Bohdi, who to Kay and Cassian, seems like a completely different person today. His voice is strong, his eyes are not constantly roaming.

“Four years,” replies Kay.

“And how did you get into club security?” Asks Jyn in the most confident voice she can muster.

“We’re friends with the owner. When he opened the place, he asked if we wanted to work there,” says Kay.

“And what does this job entail on a normal night?” Asks Bohdi.

Cassian turns around and looks hard at Bohdi before answering, because this is so different from the last time they met. He also wants Jyn and Bohdi to know what’s up while they are there so he needs to answer. “Taking care of the line for four to six hours, then doing security inside. We have an earpiece in the whole time, so even if we’re resting in the back, we can be called in as needed.”

“Do you like to dance?” Jyn asks, though she is less confident and more curious this time.

“Yeah, I do.”

. . .

When they come in through the back, they are intercepted by Elle. “Figure skating girl! I’m the loud voice, my name is Elle.”

“Nice to meet you Elle.” Jyn replies, and smiles. “You’re music and kindness helped me. Thank you.”

“Awe, your gonna make me cry.” Elle then takes in Jyn and Bohdi’s look, sizing them up. “You,” she says addressing Bohdi, “need a to make some small changes.” Elle folds up his sleeves and unbuttons the top button on his button down.

Bohdi turns to Kestral and holds out his arms and arcs an eyebrow wordlessly asking if it’s a good look.

She honestly has no idea what constitutes a good look, so she gives him a thumbs up. He looks fine to her.

Elle turns to her, “Now you need a different outfit for the club,” states Elle, sizing Kestral up.

“I don’t have anything else though,” Jyn is getting uncomfortable.

“I do, you’ll look beautiful.”

Cassian sees Jyn looking increasingly uncomfortable and blurts out a little louder than he means to, “Elle, she’s already beautiful.” It’s out of his mouth before he realizes that he’s basically announced to all of them and Jyn that he thinks she’s beautiful and they probably gather that he has a massive crush on her. He starts to blush.

“I know that!” Says Elle, “But she likes to stay a little hidden so some makeup and a different look that will let her hide in plain sight so she can party is good! Right Kestral?”

Jyn is a deer caught in the headlights, caught off guard by Elle and by Cassian’s announcement, but confident Bohdi’s got this. He throws his arm around his sister and says, “Yeah, she’s right, hidden in plain sight. Elle’s got your back.”

Jyn smiles at him, this is good, he’s having a good time. She’s also smiling because now she’s sure Cassian likes her the way she likes him. She says, “Ok, I’m game.”

. . .

Leia is doing her best to talk with people at the sides of the club where there are tables. She is not getting anywhere. She dances in between talking to people to fit in, but she is on a mission. She’s trying to find an organization that may have had some connection to her mother.

Luke keeps an eye on their surroundings while talking with Bohdi when he takes a break from dancing. Bodhi does not take many dancing breaks.

“What do you like to do?” Asks Bohdi.

Luke replies, “I like flying, I took flying lessons when I was younger. I want to be a pilot, but I haven’t had a chance to train formally yet, too much happening.”

“Oh my gosh, I wanted to be a pilot or a plane mechanic! I can’t but man, that would be something.”

“Why can’t you?”

“I’m too erratic,” replies Bohdi, like he’s just recounting the weather and not telling Luke something much more personal.

“Really?” Ask Luke, he’s thrown off by this turn in the conversation.

“Yeah, I do however, fix cars. I am not too erratic for that,” he tells him with a smile. “Well, I hope you get to fly more Luke. Kestral is dancing again, and I’m gonna join her.”

He heads back onto the dance floor and into the throng.

Luke should be watching Leia more, but his eyes keep drifting back to Bohdi. He finally convinces Leia to take a real break and go dance near Elle, Kestral, and Bohdi.

. . .

“Cassian,” Cassian hears Lando in his ear later in the night.

“Yeah?” He replies.

“Go find Kestral and Bohdi. You’re all set, I’ll contact you if anything comes up.”

Cassian smiles, “Thank you. Umm, do you have any idea where they are?” The club is not small.

He hears Lando laugh, “Sorry, yeah, that would be useful information. They’re with Elle on the third level, dance floor C.”

He wonders how Jyn and Bohdi are and goes into the mass of dancers to find them. It’s not easy to find them, people are quite close together. He sees Elle first as she is taller, and she’s always fun. He sees Luke and Leia next, they look a little self conscious but are having fun too.

Where are, oh my god, there they are.

His first thought is, Jyn and Bohdi are both really good dancers. His second thought is that they are both completely unselfconscious right now and they are happily lost in the music and dancing. They both can’t stop smiling.

He also likes what Elle put on Jyn. Yes, she was already beautiful, but this look is also beautiful. She has on leggings that stop a little above her ankle, and over them she has on a dress that is knee length. The dress has an asymmetrical hem and is cinched at the waist by a colorful elastic belt. She has on her usual combat boots. She has a lot of colorful paint and glittery stuff around her eyes and some of it glows when hit by the blacklight.

He hopes he wasn’t staring for long (because he definitely was staring), and dances over to her.

“Hey,” he says near her ear, reminding her how much she’s wanted that to happen again. She turns, and takes his hands pulling him close and into her dance.

“Hey,” she replies, close to his ear. “You like dancing?”

He wants to say it’s you I like, but he doesn’t want to say much because she’s caught up in a euphoric dancing haze which he does not want to interrupt. “Yeah, and you are an amazing dancer.”

Clearly that’s the right answer, she smiles at him and it’s incandescent, then she dances with him and near him. Jyn and Bohdi sync up their moves sometimes, memories packed into each move.

After Jyn has been is dancing with Cassian for a little while, she tells him, “I think you’re beautiful too.” Her eyes tell him everything else he needs to know. Then Bohdi pulls her away.

“Kestral,” he says, “I have a question.”

“What is it?”

“I wanna ask Luke to dance, like close dance, but I’m not sure he’s interested.”

Jyn looks over at Luke, and she’s actually shocked that Bohdi had to ask her. “Bohdi, he is definitely interested.”

“How can you tell?”

“He is taking a lot of surreptitious glances at you. He also has easy to read eyes. Go sweep that guy off his feet.”

“I just met him, I’m gonna start with a dance first. Thanks,” he smiles at her, happy he agreed to come here with her before getting close to Luke to ask his question.

“Luke, wanna dance, like close?”

“Yeah,” he replies and lets Bohdi draw him in because Bohdi knows what he is doing and he does not.

Jyn comes back to Cassian, dancing close again. It’s getting near the end of Cassian and Kay’s shift. She gets close to his ear and decides to divulge one of her secrets. “I - umm - I haven’t kissed anyone, like, romantically, before.” She’s serious.

“You haven’t?” She’s in her twenties, but her life has been an odd one from what he has seen.

“No. Have you?”

“Yeah, I don’t often, but yeah, I have.”

“That’s good, at least one of us knows what we’re doing.” She plans on kissing this man later tonight.

His brain catches up with his ears and his eyes go wide. She smiles a small smile and her eyes dance with mischief.

“Now?” He asks, because he wants to.

“No, maybe when we get back to our building,” she does feel a little self conscious now that she’s setting up a time to kiss.

“Sounds perfect.”

Soon after Leia asks, “Where’s Kay? Can we head out?”

It is pretty late.

“Yeah, we can head out when we find Kay,” says Jyn. She’s having fun but she’s tired and can tell Bohdi is too.

They get the biggest surprise of the night when they find Kay in the back making out with a very pretty patron. Cassian is pretty sure she is also a neurosurgeon who works in another department at their hospital. “I gotta go,” says Kay. “You have my number?”

The stunning woman nods yes, “See you again soon.”

. . .

They’re mostly quiet on the way back. Jyn walks Bohdi into his place, then comes back and sits by Cassian. Kay drops her and Cassian off next before Luke, Leia, and him head home.

Jyn and Cassian head up five flights of stairs quietly. At the top, neither wants to say goodnight, plus, Jyn made it clear she wanted to kiss him. “Come in a minute?” Asks Cassian.

She nods yes.

When the door closes behind them, he thinks, I’ll ask if she wants a drink, but their eyes meet, and they don’t speak. Her tongue darts out a little and back in unconsciously, and she moves closer. Cassian mirrors her. It’s like there is a gravitational pull between them that won’t be denied anymore.

She reaches and gently touches his face, coaxing him closer as she goes up on her toes and kisses him. It’s soft and warm. She stops and pulls back gauging his reaction.

He’s gauging hers as well.

He reaches for her next, placing his hands on the sides of her face, ducking down to her angling their heads to kiss her softly.

They come apart, taking in each other’s reactions.

They kiss again and they don’t come apart this time. It feels electric. Jyn involuntarily makes a mewling sound when she pushes closer to Cassian and he pulls her as close as he can.

She puts her arms around his neck cards through the back of his hair. Then she moves her hands up and down his back and sides, trying to memorize the feel and shape of him.

The kiss deepens.

His hands move to her waist, then hips, up her sides, around her back, they are both pulling each other closer and and closer wanting to be as close as possible.

When she wraps one leg around him, he finally reaches lower and picks her up one arm around her back, and one under her ass, then sits her on the counter. Her legs now on either side of him, and their faces come to the same level.

Their lips haven’t stopped touching.

When she feels his tongue carefully looking for access to her mouth, she opens her lips to see how this will feel and she is not disappointed. She has no control over the high pitched gasp elicited from her.

That sound, all her sounds heighten how he feels because it means she’s enjoying this too, and honestly he enjoys all his moments with her.

He feels her hand on his back under his shirt, and she’s not trying to take his shirt off, but she does want her hands on him.

She’s in leggings under the dress, and that means she’s in pants by Cassian’s definition so he does run a hand underneath that dress, over her hip, then she feels his hand on her skin on her waist and fuck that feels really good. By the time his other hand makes it onto the skin of her back, she pulls back and just wraps her arms around him instead, as she breathes hard.

“You ok?” He asks softly right by her ear leaving her with goosebumps on half her body.

“Yes,” she says in a whispery high pitched voice. She holds him tight. She continues, “That was so fucking fantastic. I need to breathe. Can we do this again.”

“Yes, we have to do this again.” He holds her close in response, not wanting to forget the feeling of having the shape of her in his arms. It is also 4 AM. “Want to go to sleep? You can stay here, I mean like we’ll actually sleep. I have a toothbrush in a new pack and all that if you want to stay.”

She meets his eyes and looks very tired and also happy. “I would like that a lot.”

Soon after they are side by side in his bed under the covers. Her makeover from Elle is cleaned off. She’s nearly asleep before her head touches the pillow. Cassian thinks she looks content. Her hand finds his and she falls asleep as he holds her hand running his thumb over the back of it.

. . .

He wakes up and she’s not there but there is a note.

————

I put your number in my phone, and mine is in yours. I’ll see you soon.

J

————

He smiles because he never gave her his passcode. She’s observant. And there is a text from Kestral Rook.

Kestral: Back soon

The clothes she borrowed from Elle are folded neatly. It’s his day off, and he hopes soon is really soon.

She isn’t back that day. She planned to be, but sometimes things go very wrong.

Chapter Text

~ February 5th - 1:30 AM~

It was so fucking cold, and there was a lot of snow.

She had not planned on being out so late in the first place. She was helping Rey by watching for activity at the back of a high rise. She wanted to get back to Cassian. Then things went really wrong.

She didn’t see them coming, three women, two men, they took her by surprise when she was headed to Cassian’s place. In her defense, she wasn’t who they were looking for, it was a case of mistaken identity. They attempted to slow her down with some kind of liquid on a cloth, but she resisted that. She gave someone a bloody nose and kicked another one hard before it started really affecting her, making moving fast and in a coordinated way difficult. They didn’t believe she wasn’t who they were looking for so they beat the shit out of her to teach her and her friends a lesson. Whoever the fuck she was supposed to be and whoever the fuck these friends were, she had no idea.

She eventually was successful enough at “playing dead” that they left.

They ran off a few minutes ago. Now she’s laying here motionless. She’s here laying in the snow, being covered in more of it even though she’s sure they’re gone now.

I can get up now.

I don’t want to get up.

I can just stay and freeze to death.

That sounds kinda nice today.

I could end it right now and drift away forever. I can be done.

She feels her Mama’s stone, tucked away under her clothes, on her skin. If she drifts away, maybe she’ll see her soon.

But then what happens to Bohdi? Bohdi is still not ok, and Mama and Papa would want me to be there for Bohdi. I can’t be there for Bohdi if I drift away.

And there’s Cassian. Cassian will be ok, but I like him. I actually love him. A lot. I’ve never wanted to be with someone the way I want to be with him. I want to be with Cassian. I don’t know what that even means. Yesterday we kissed, a lot, in his apartment and he shared his warm bed. I can’t be with him if I drift away.

Get up Jyn.

Go back to your apartment, sleep this off, then go see Bohdi and go see Cassian.

Get up Jyn.

Get up Jyn.

Get up.

Get up you fucking idiot, GET UP!

She listens to herself and gets up.

She sees her phone was broken badly enough during the beating that it doesn’t work anymore. Anyone she calls will try to make her go to the hospital, and she can’t go there, so this is fine. She’s in pain, but it’s fine. She’ll sleep it off and be fine.

She slowly limps through the heavy snow. It’s getting pretty deep, but she’ll get back to her stupid freezing apartment and sleep it off for a few days then go see Bohdi and Cassian.

She is not moving quietly like she usually does.

. . .

She didn’t come back all day Sunday. Cassian hoped she would, but she put her number in his phone, so at least that was a good sign.

Cassian hears some noise coming in from the hall. It’s usually quiet on his floor at 3 AM early Monday morning. Jyn is always quiet, so it can’t be her. They’re the only two people who live on this floor. And there is a snowstorm and so much snow, no one is going anywhere anyway. He also thought she would have come to see him because they both seemed to enjoy the night before. A LOT. So what is that sound?

He looks out the peephole and towards her door, and he sees her across the hall. He’s out the door immediately.

“Oh god, what happened.” She looks bad. She’s soaked, freezing, covered in partly melting snow, and she’s not moving well. She dragged herself up five flights of stairs like this? There is blood on her face and hands. He suspects that she is bleeding other places as well. The gloves he gave her, one is missing, the other is torn. In fact a lot of her clothes are torn.

He gets an arm around her and he helps her stand while she looks for her keys. She’s out of it and her movements are not coordinated.

“‘M ok, ‘s ok,” she says, and Cassian sees there is blood on her teeth. There is bruising on her neck that looks like she had hands around it.

“Mmm-hmmm,” he says with a skeptical tone. 

She’s got her keys out, and she has the right key in her hand, but can’t get it to work. Her hands are still basically frozen, and the drug hasn’t worn off. “‘M ok, ‘s ok,” she repeats. 

He realizes it’s a mantra that she’s telling herself, not him. 

The third time she can’t get the keys to work, he gently takes them and helps her open the door. He thinks she’s either hit her head, taken drugs, or been drugged as she doesn’t smell like alcohol. “‘M ok, ‘s ok,” she repeats as he helps her into her apartment.

His jaw actually drops open. What the fuck?! He had no idea she was living like this. There appears to be no food, the refrigerator is unplugged, the heat is not on, there is zero furniture, there is nothing. When it becomes clear that her plan is to immediately go to sleep in a sleeping bag near her messenger bag and backpack by the wall, while soaked, frozen, bloody, and broken, in an unheated apartment with no food in it, he decides he’s taking her to his place (and maybe she never comes back here). 

“Jyn, Jyn?” 

“‘M ok, ‘s ok.” 

“Yeah, ok, you’re ok, and we’re gonna go be warm. I’m gonna pack your stuff, then we will go be warm.” He hopes she focuses on the word warm, because she is out of it and he’s not sure what he says is being taken in. He packs her computer, some papers, the small pile of clothes next to her bags, and charger. He carefully gets her back up, gets the backpack and messenger bag, and tries to leave.

“Album, I gotta, I got pictures.” And she reaches towards the refrigerator.

It’s on top, so he gets it and puts it in her bag too. He catches her small (semi-delirious) smile when he does. “Thanks.”

Then he locks the door behind them, taking her to his place. 

“You’re ok, it’s ok,” He tells her. He gets her to the sink in his bathroom. He inspects her face, “Can you open your mouth?” She opens it a bit. Her teeth are covered in blood but don’t appear to be broken. “You brush your teeth ok? They’ll feel a little better. I’m gonna grab a few things quick ok?”

She does as he asks while not looking in the mirror. She doesn’t want to see her fucked up face. He was right, it is nice to have the taste of blood out of her mouth, especially since a lot of it wasn’t her blood.

He comes back to her with medical supplies, towels, soft blankets, some of his clothes for her, and water. She needs the ER or Urgent Care but she’s not going to agree to that. “Your clothes are freezing and soaked. We gotta take them off ok? It’s just me, I’m safe. You’re safe.” I promise I’m not trying to be creepy taking all your clothes off.

The word safe coming from his mouth is nice. “Yeah. ‘M ok, ‘s ok. No crying, see, no crying, ‘s ok.”

Except she is crying.

She doesn’t know she’s crying.

She doesn’t know? Oh god, she doesn’t know. He stops and stares, “Jyn, what happened?” 

Jyn looks into his eyes. They’re such nice eyes. She starts tugging at her shirt, he said take the wet cold stuff off, gotta listen to the nurse. “Kicked me,” is what she says as she takes off her shirt. “Drugged? I think they tried? Used a rag? Made it hard to fight.” She looks down. Fighting was usually her strong suit, she’s embarrassed by how it went today. “They were looking for someone else, thought, thought I was, but I wasn’t. I’m me, see?” He’s helped get her boots, socks, and pants off. “Taught, taught me a lesson, but they meant a different me.”

Cassian is shocked. She’s covered in bruises, most of them on her torso. A couple on her back even look like boot footprints, and she has way too many older scars to go with them. This is bad, and they are basically stuck in the building until the snow storm slows. They are on the 5th floor, the elevator is broken, there is a snowstorm and deep snow, she can’t use her real name, and she doesn’t want her fake name known in any systems, and how the fuck can he get her proper fucking medical attention??

Cassian, focus damn it, help her.

“But they didn’t get to finish drugging you?” He asks gently.

“Mm-hmm, wanted to slow me down. I got away from it.”

“How many people were there?”

“Five.”

“The fuck? Sorry. Can you drink this? It’s just water.”

“Mm-hmmm.” He dries her carefully and places a towel around her before taking her bra and underwear off. He puts all of her clothes by the tub. He does not take off her necklace.

She’s quiet, slowly warming up. He says, “I’ve got acetaminophen for you for the pain.” And he hands it to her, and then helps her take it. Drinking feels good but is also uncomfortable, so she has to do it slowly.

“‘M ok, ‘s ok.”

“I’m gonna check . . . everything, ok?” She nods yes then drinks more water. He’s switches her from towels to soft blankets that hopefully won’t irritate her skin more, then guides her to his couch with a chaise attached. He sits her on the end if it so he can easily move around her. He moves the blankets carefully as he systematically checks everything. Her wrist seems like it’s probably fractured, she has minimal injuries on her head, so far no cellulitis, keep checking. Her right leg is swelling a lot and she’s definitely putting more weight on the left one.

“Jyn, is it ok if I check here?” He’s indicating the side of her breast. She nods yes, and he adds. “I didn’t want to surprise you.”

“Thanks.” She even smiles a little. He’s so nice, asking first and all that.

He hears her put down the now empty cup. He’s checking some of the bruises on her back by her shoulder. One shoulder looks a lot worse than the other. “Jyn, does this hurt more or less than the areas around it?” 

He asked a question didn’t he. No idea what it was.

Instead of answering, she has questions. She slowly turns to find those eyes of his, she looks deep into them, those warm eyes. She starts pleading, getting louder and more insistent as she speaks. “Why are you so gentle? Why are you so careful? Why are you careful? Why are you so gentle, so gentle with me?”

The dam inside her heart and mind bursts.

“No one’s been gentle since Mama.” She sobs, “They shot her, she’s dead, he shot her, he shot her, I was there, I saw it happen, I saw her body fall.”

He stops checking her and just listens. He wants to answer there are a million reasons he’s gentle with her but doesn’t because it’s time to listen to her let everything out.

She cries hard. It’s been so long. The sobs are painful and her chest hurts but she can’t hold them in. “Then he took Papa, and I couldn’t see him, then that murderer beat me and beat me until Saw found a way to escape.”

Her abuser murdered her mother?

“And Saw, he taught me to skate and fight, there were no hugs, but he didn’t beat the shit out of me. He told me I had to go. That day he hugged me. Papa, Bohdi, and I could escape as long as we went a different place than Papa. I can’t see him. They would catch me and use me to make him do what they wanted. I didn’t want to run, I had to.”

“I’m so sorry.” What else is there to say? She’s crying, she keeps looking down and then back up to look deep into his eyes. She’s 8, 16, and 24 all at once, and she wants answers from a universe that doesn’t have them.

“They shot her, they shot Mama, they broke me, they broke Bohdi. She’s gone, and then he hurt me, why did he do that? Why did he do that? What’s wrong with me?”

“Nothing, you never deserved any of that. No child deserves that.” He gets closer and holds her carefully.

“He said I did. And he used me to make Papa do what he wanted. I had to leave, I had to hide. They used me to hurt Papa, I’m just a tool they can use to hurt him, and I miss him. I miss him so much. We had to leave, me and Bohdi, Krennic didn’t know Bohdi’s real name. We had to hide so Papa could finally escape, but we still can’t see each other. And Bohdi, they hurt him and his mind, they broke it. I can’t fix him, I can’t fix him, I can only go find him. Why did they hurt him? Why did they hurt us? We were just kids.”

“I’m so sorry, you and Bohdi deserve so much better.” Cassian is crying as well, not big sobs, just a broken heart for what happened and what she’s clearly never acknowledged out loud.

She cries hard. Her nose is running, her face is red, her chest hurts and breathing hurts so sobbing is very painful. She’s held it all in for years. When she calms a little as she tries to breathe Cassian says, “Oh querida. I’m sorry they used you and hurt you. You’re still strong. Your father and mother would be proud of you.” 

“Why?” She asks, how can he know that?

“Look at all you’ve done in spite of everything that happened. You and your brother are still there for each other, you’re an amazing programmer, you made a great website for Finn, you fought six guys for me and Kay, and one of my first memories of you is you playing with chalk with the neighbor’s kid and Kara’s kid when they asked you to. There are many more reasons I could name, but the point is you’re amazing and I know they would be proud.”

She cries and sobs, and somewhere deep inside she understands that Cassian is right. All those things had happened. Her father would be proud. Her Mama would be too.

She cries, mourning the family and the time that was stolen away from Mama, Papa, Bohdi, and her.

When she’s more cried out, exhaustion from the beating and the long walk back demands her attention. She calms down out of necessity. She’s tired. Something about having a chance to die and not taking it has made her brave. She wants to tell Cassian two important things before she falls asleep, “My real name is Jyn Erso, and I love you Cassian Andor. I want to be with you as long as you’ll have me.” It’s a statement, and she finds it’s ok if he does or does not feel the same, she’s just glad he knows now.

“Jyn Erso?” 

“Hmm?” She can’t keep her eyes open. She feels his hand gently card through her hair, and it feels so good. He kisses her forehead at her hairline.

“I love you too.” 

Chapter Text

She wakes up and she’s warm. It’s February, and she’s waking up warm? She’s in pain, a whole lot more than usual. It smells like, it smells like . . . like Cassian. She’s at Cassian’s place. She’s not wearing the clothes she came in with, and she’s not wearing any underwear. She’s wearing a soft t-shirt and very loose sweatpants. Cassian must have put them on her in her sleep, and if he did, she knows he protected her modesty. She was naked in a blanket when she feel asleep. They must be snowed in. She remembers last night, but it’s coming back in bits and pieces.

I got beat up last night. Cassian took me in last night. I took my shirt off last night. I was cold and wet last night. I was naked last night. Then I cried and told him everything. I actually told him everything. I told this man everything. I was truly completely exposed when I told him everything. I told him about my past. I told him I loved him.

He told me he loves me too.

She opens her eyes and sees Cassian is asleep in a chair next to her, and she’s in his bed, their hands linked.

Of course he fixed me up after I feel asleep and didn’t try to take advantage. He’s in that chair and not in bed with me because he couldn’t ask a woman who’s asleep to share a bed. He’s perfect.

He opens his eyes and sees she’s awake and looking at him. “Hey, how do you feel?”

“Less drugged.”

“That’s good. Can I look?” He immediately hands her a glass of water.

“Ok.” She sits up and he helps. She takes the cup, and drinks as fast as she’s able (which is not very fast) while he looks her over. When she finishes the water, she adds, “What I said last night,” and she sees him tense up, which is concerning, “I meant it. I meant all of it.” She sees the tension go out of him.

“Good, so did I.” After a long moment, he wants to ask if he can kiss her again, (but not in quite the same way that they did two nights ago), but he has other questions first. “Do you think any of your ribs are broken?”

“Yeah, they hurt a lot.”

“How does this wrist feel?” He put her left wrist in a splint at some point.

“I think it’s just sprained,” then she tries to move it, “ok, maybe it’s not just sprained.”

“Right leg? I think it may be fractured.”

“I think you’re right.”

“I’ll be right back, I’m gonna get some ice.”

Fuck, he’s gorgeous. I bet I look like shit. He’s seen everything hasn’t he. He’s seen all of me, covered in gray, green, blue, yellow, and purple. He’s seen inside too because of the X-Ray and because I told him everything. What else is there for him to see?

When he gets back and puts ice packs where he thinks they should go, he inspects her face. She has a bruise on her right cheek and some swelling around her left eye. They are not warm to the touch, so no infections so far. Her face and head were left mostly alone.

“You’re so beautiful,” he tells her. It was not what she was expecting.

She carefully moves forward and kisses him.

Her lips barely brush his before she backs up a little. Then they both get closer and kiss again, letting it deepen. She gasps because it feels good and better than the rest of her. Their lips fit together perfectly, they just fit, the two of them, Cassian and Jyn, they fit together. It’s not deep hard kissing, she’s honestly too beat up for frantic passion.

It is more than she ever hoped for, that she’d be loved like this, even when she was such a mess.

She slowly lets her hand with the good wrist explore his back, his arms, his neck, and she cards through his hair while they keep kissing again, and again. He’s hard and soft at the same time, and he’s so warm.

His hands stay in the few places he knows won’t hurt. It feels so perfect having her here in his arms. She’s thinner than she should be he thinks, her ribs and spine protrude a lot, but he’s gonna fix that.

He crawls into the bed with her and leans back so she ends up half on his side and half on top of him. She doesn’t want to pull away, but she has to rest. She lays her head on his chest, listening to his heart. He pulls the covers over them so they are warm and toasty.

“We should move,” he says after a few minutes pass.

“Where to?” She slowly looks up and looks around the room.

“There’s an apartment near Baze, Churrit, and Kay. It’s on the second floor, and it’s warm. I’m actually a decent cook you know. I think it’s probably time for you to have heat and food security. Also, I’m in love with you, but even if I wasn’t, it’s time you had food and heat.”

“I thought you meant - ” and she trails off. She looks into his eyes. He really means it doesn’t he. “My income is sporadic.”

“I know.”

“And I’m aggressive.”

He actually laughs, and she likes that laugh and smile. “You? No way.”

“I do like being in this bed with you and warm instead of on the floor in a sleeping bag.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“I go out alone at odd times, and there’s, there’s, stuff, I don’t want to talk about.”

“I have realized that. That’s ok too you know.”

She sniffles and he can feel her becoming anxious and jittery in his arms. She speaks, “I want to, but, what if, mmm - ”

“It’s ok. It’s just me. We’ll take it slow. We’ll take it slow Jyn. It can be the two of us in a relationship, or it can be Jyn gets to be warm and have friends. I got your back Spiderwoman, and I know you have mine. I want to be with you as long as you’ll have me.” He kisses her forehead, and she settles back into him, head over his heart.

“I would like that Cassian.” He gently squeezes her good shoulder to show her he hears her. After a couple of minutes she asks. “Can I go to your ER, but like you hide me again?”

Thank god! He thinks to himself. She definitely needs to go there or at least to an Urgent Care, but he knew forcing it was not going to work. “Yes, just come with me and Kay. Hopefully they dig us out by then.” It’s a Monday. “Lemme talk to Kay and Baze to get ready to keep you hidden.”

“Thank you.” After some time she asks, “Can I call Bohdi? I broke my phone.”

“I don’t think you were the one who broke it.” He hung up her clothes last night after she fell asleep and found her completely wrecked phone. Now it’s on his kitchen counter. “Yeah. Just a second,” and he finishes a text to Kay and Baze, also letting them know he can’t use his phone for a bit because Kestral needs it.

He gives her his phone and more water. “You call, I’m gonna make us some breakfast.” (It’s 3 PM)

She calls Bohdi and he doesn’t pick up, but she leaves a message and he calls right back. Cassian can hear half of a conversation that starts with Bohdi insisting on bringing her a phone she can put her mobile chip in and meeting her at the ER. Cassian wonders where he will get a phone (Bohdi actually has a few backup phones because he is paranoid).

“Ok, ok, I’ll see you there. Can you take the bus? This is Cassian’s number, our friend from the club, the nurse you met. My neighbor.”

“I don’t think he’ll mind if you text him when you get there.”

“Friends? He and I are more than friends.”

That makes Cassian smile.

“I won’t run away.” He hears her say with conviction. “I literally can’t, but that’s not the point, I don’t want to run away. I want to be with him as long as he’ll have me.”

“I did tell him that, yeah. Look, I almost died yesterday. You and Cassian are the reason I got back up off the ground.”

Cassian stops when he hears that.

Almost died?

Almost gave up?

She didn’t have to get back up, but she did, for Bohdi and for him? She really does everything deeply doesn’t she, including love people. He’s not sure he’s worthy of that kind of love.

There is a longer pause on Jyn’s end as she listens to her brother.

“I haven’t . . . no never.”

“No I do not need the talk!” She tells him like she’s a teen talking to a parent who is asking important intrusive questions.

“I will.”

“I promise. I will.”

“Ok . . . hey Cassian, it’s Bohdi,” and she hands him his phone before slowly making her way to the bathroom.

Bohdi starts immediately asking questions. “What are your intentions?”

“Whoa, what do you mean?”

“Your intentions. Kestral’s never dated before. You, you’re serious, right? She’s so strong, but not always.”

“My intentions are good Bodhi. I’m serious when it comes to your sister. She told me her real name, and I take that seriously.”

“And it is?”

“Jyn.”

“Ok. If she told you, you must be special. Thank you for taking care of her.” He pauses before asking, “How, how bad is it?”

“Umm, well, so you’re not completely surprised, it’s pretty bad. She’ll be ok, but it might take awhile.”

“Did she say who did this?” There’s real apprehension. How far of a reach do the people after her have?

“She doesn’t know because they thought she was someone else. She said it was mistaken identity. Talk later though, we need to eat.”

“Thank you Cassian.”

“See you soon.”

There is food! Jyn’s a bigger mess than she realized, it’s harder to eat than expected. It is still really good food.

. . .

Kay arrives at 6 instead of 6:30, and he’s practically vibrating. Kestral looks bad. The building’s elevator doesn’t work, and he’s going to make damn sure he gets her grumpy ass down the stairs safely. He insists on carrying her most of the way, which was honestly the best choice. Cassian also told him he finally wants to move closer to him with Kestral, and Kay is very happy. He’s been trying to get him to move there for months. He’s also wanted this scary Kestral lady closer to wherever he is so he can insist she eats.

Churrit sets her visit up so she can stay anonymous because she’s hiding from an abuser. They can see her this time without having to be quite as sneaky.

The bus didn’t run, so Bohdi called Hera and begged her to pick him up, for the record, he did not need to beg. She and her husband Kanan pick him up. They both come into the hospital with Bohdi because she’s worried he will get lost because traumatic things seem to cause the past and present to mix in his mind. She, just like the rest of them, is shocked when she sees Kestral. Kanan can’t see Kestral but Hera’s reaction tells him what he needs to know.

Bohdi hugs Jyn and cries. He tries not to cry, but sometimes he can’t help it. “Oh my god, I’m just so happy you’re alive.” He’s realizing he has no idea where to put his hands to hug her, so he hugs her lightly and she hugs him back as hard she can instead.

Cassian starts an IV and is taking vitals when Baze comes in.

Baze asks, “You gonna file a police report?” When he sees her.

“No, no, no, no, they’re not here are they?” Says Jyn, and she Bohdi start looking around. Bohdi starts to gather her stuff and she goes to remove her IV.

“Wait no,” Cassian has to physically stop her from removing the IV he carefully put in moments ago.

“They’re not here! They’re not here,” Baze assures them both. He sighs, “Just tell me what happened”

A little later he still can’t quite believe what he’s hearing.

“So five people beat you up because they thought you were someone else?” Asks Baze, with a definite undercurrent of anger.

“Yeah.”

“So five people are out there running around doing this sort of thing.”

“Yeah.”

“And you won’t file a police report or press charges?”

“Yeah.”

“Who did they think you were?”

“Padmé Amal-Dahl? I’m usually better with names, but they drugged me with some cloth over my mouth, and it got really confusing.”

“Padmé Amadala?”

“Yeah, do you know her?”

“I know of her. She’s dead.”

“Wait, really?”

“Yeah.”

“I got the shit kicked out of me for a dead woman?”

“It would appear so, she’s been dead for a long time.”

Jyn is pissed, Bohdi looks afraid.

“What if the hospital sends a report from a Jane Doe patient so at least the police know to look out for these people?” Cassian asks tentatively.

“Is, is that a thing?” Asks Jyn.

“Yeah, we’ve done it before once in awhile.”

“That sounds ok,” she replies.

“I think it would be good to include a picture of the boot print,” Cassian adds quietly.

Baze and Bohdi don’t know what he’s talking about.

“Bohdi, I need you to go get me a snack,” she says very quickly.

“I’m not sure where,” he starts.

“Never mind, please go sit with Hera,” she says calmly.

“But Kestral?”

“Bohdi, you’ve seen me hurt worse, I promise I’m ok. Please sit with Hera, she won’t mind. I’m just about to be really bitchy. I’m not hiding anything other being an asshole in front of you.”

He actually smiles. He says, “Ok.” And goes to sit with Hera.

After he leaves she asks, “Those motherfuckers left a boot print on my back?”

Cassian doesn’t want to tell her there is more than one, but he should so he does. “There are two and a half.”

She didn’t know. She realizes they may want a lot of pictures. “Fuck it, just don’t put my face in the pictures. You need pictures right?”

“One thing at a time,” Baze cuts in, “First, I’m going to do my job. Next Churrit and Nurse Maddel will put an anonymous report together with you. Rodma Maddel is very kind, she’ll do the pictures. Cassian, go find her after and explain the relevant details.”

Baze examines her and writes up orders.

This time she’s sent for a CT scan. They do that since she needs X-Rays many places all at once.

“So, I’m gonna put this liquid in your IV before I take another scan,” the CT Scan Tech lady says, “and it’s going to make you feel like you’re suddenly really warm, and like you’re peeing.”

“Umm, it can do that?”

“Yeah, it won’t hurt, it’s still pretty freaky.”

The woman adds it, it’s immediate. “Oh shit, that’s so weird.” Jyn actually checks to see that she hasn’t peed. She hasn’t, but that was so fucking weird.

“I know right? Don’t worry, I don’t have to add anything else in.”

She has two fractures in her right leg, by her ankle and thigh, a fractured left wrist, three fractured ribs, and bruises everywhere. Her kidneys were a little damaged as well, but they will heal if she takes it easy. They had punched, kicked, strangled, and drugged her. Jyn bit the woman strangling her hard to get her to stop. Jyn feels lucky they didn’t stab her or pull a gun on her.

She also feels lucky that the hospital is hiding her identity.

Baze realizes it’s going to be hard to keep her longer than one shift because she’s determined to get out of here. He would like to take her home with him and Churrit but they don’t know each other well enough for that. If Cassian was not on the 5th floor they were send her home with him. After some discussions, she agrees to go home with Bohdi.

When Bohdi gets her cell phone chip into a new phone and it’s working, there’s a surprising message. “I have to take this,” she says robotically, and shoos them out of her room.

. . .

Han and Rey are the private investigators Jyn pays to keep an eye out for her old abuser.

Rey wants to talk through a private calling app.

“What’s happened?” Asks Jyn.

Rey replies, “I have something for you. Can I meet you somewhere?”

“I’m, well, I’m at the hospital.”

Jyn had checked in and sent them what she saw late yesterday, but then Rey thought she went home. “What the fuck? What happened? Was it to do with the job yesterday?”

“No,” and Jyn tells her the rest because it’s likely Rey will find out since she and Han basically keep an eye on everything and everyone in this city. “Jumped by some punks, they thought I was someone else. Didn’t care that I wasn’t.”

“Are you fucking serious?” Says Rey angrily, then she adds, “I’ll be there soon.” She hangs up.

. . .

“Do you know who they were they looking for?” Asks Rey after meeting Jyn.

“Padmé Am-Dahl or Am-ala is what I think I heard. I usually catch names and details, but they put some drugged cloth on my face. I got away from that quick, but it still slowed my reflexes and thinking. Dr. Malbus says they probably meant Padmé Amadala, but she died years ago.”

“Were they trying to take you somewhere else?”

“No.” Says Jyn, then she adds, “What do you know of this Padmé person?”

“The only Padmé Amadala I know of is the one who has been dead for a long time.”

“I can’t believe I took a beating for a dead woman.”

“Yeah, not good.” Rey is wondering who has been using the name lately.

“Is this why you wanted to talk?”

“Oh, no. Sorry.” Rey takes out a small piece of paper. “I found a way to communicate with your dad.”

Jyn stares for a long while, before finally asking, “How? What . . . are you for real?”

“Yeah. It’s a way to message him. You should still encrypt it and make it look like it’s coming from somewhere else, and talk in code, but yeah, you can talk to him. I don’t know how often he can talk, I do know that it’s him.”

Jyn stares at the paper Rey gave her for a long time. She doesn’t notice that Rey left at some point while she stared, contemplating it.

She can contact her father.

She decides not to tell Bohdi or anyone else until she knows it works.

. . .

Jyn goes home with Bohdi. Cassian and Kay bring the siblings to his place, and they are allowed in this time because Bohdi can’t get Jyn in there by himself. Kay and Cassian immediately get a better idea of Jyn and Bohdi’s dynamic and why they don’t live together. Bohdi lives in a basement apartment, the interior walls of which are covered in aluminum foil, with strings hung over the foil with traumatic drawings hanging from them. The drawings are honestly amazing as far as his ability to draw. They’re scary, but amazing. It’s clear why Bohdi wasn’t helping his starving sister out with food, she probably hasn’t told him she needed help, because he’s barely hanging on.

Bohdi isn’t in hiding quite like Jyn is because the man who murdered their mum knew him as James Erso, and hasn’t see him for a long time but he does his best to be careful.

Cassian and Kay see a lot of drawings with two panels. The first panel is of a girl being hit by a man in white, then the man is eaten by a monster in the second panel.

“Is this the guy who left you all those fractures?” Kay asks Kestral. She looks like a deer in the headlights. Bohdi nods then looks away. “Did a monster eat him yet.”

“No.” Bohdi replies softly.

“Let’s go!” Says Kay. “You two are staying with me, because you are not staying here, you are not staying on the 5th floor, and I have a recliner that will make sleeping easier for you Kestral.”

“Ummm,” Bohdi starts.

“Come on Bohdi,” Cassian says like this is all normal, “let’s pack you some clothes and stuff.”

“I have to go to work,” says Bohdi.

“Hera talked to us, you don’t have work today,” says Jyn, there is a hopeful tone in her voice about getting Bohdi out. She glosses over the fact that he was there when they talked to Hera only a few hours ago and he clearly doesn’t remember.

Cassian was there for that discussion, he’s shocked. It’s years of guarding his expression that stop him from reacting outwardly.

“She’s not happy with me though, I lost time,” Bohdi tells Jyn.

“It’s ok, I talked to her about it.” Bohdi’s boss’ number is one of the few in Jyn’s phone. Bohdi is an excellent mechanic, but he is erratic when it comes to a work schedule. Bohdi hasn’t realized Hera doesn’t get mad at him, she gets frustrated at what’s happened to him. “Let’s go stay with Kay.”

They set Jyn up in Kay’s recliner so she can find a comfortable (or comfortable-ish) position, and so the chair can do the work. She doesn’t have to climb into it. Cassian covers Jyn with blankets and makes sure she’ll stay warm.

“Kay, this is the most comfortable chair in the world,” says Jyn becoming sleepy, and she is being totally genuine.

It’s an old chair he bought at a yard sale, and Kay can’t take anymore of Kestral and Bohdi’s amazement at very normal things today, so his response is, “Are you two feral?”

To which Jyn replies, “No,” and Bohdi replies, “I think we might be.”

Cassian is mortified. “Kay!”

“It’s a chair, it’s a fucking chair! Right! You two, you’re gonna eat, you’re gonna be warm, and, and, you’re safe. So there.”

Something about the word safe is a trigger for them, and Jyn falls asleep while Bohdi starts talking.

“I don’t remember, I don’t remember all of it. It’s out of order. I try, but they hurt us, hurt her, hurt me, and what if they’re here? Is this real? It’s real, right?”

“Yeah, it’s real,” says Cassian.

“They beat her, he beat her. He sent me away to work. Not many beatings, just endless work.” And Bohdi goes into his mind. Soon after he asks again, “And this, this is real?”

“Yes, this is real,” Cassian repeats. He says it the same way as before and like the question is reasonable, because for Bohdi, it is.

“I’ll be right back, stay!” Kay leaves. He returns with his neighbor.

“Bohdi, remember Luke? He is very nice and very real. Luke will stay here with you. And Luke, do not let him put aluminum foil or drawings on the wall. Got it?”

Luke looks shocked, but he nods yes and says, “Ok.” He’s only seen confident Bohdi.

Kay continues, “Remember Kestral? We did not do that to her. We will be back in an hour. No. Foil. Cassian, let’s go.”

Later when they return with some of Cassian’s stuff and all of Jyn’s worldly possessions, Jyn is still asleep, Bohdi is asleep on the couch with a blanket over him, and Luke is sitting near them both quietly reading.

Luke shows them a note:

————

I’ll be back at 5:30, and leaves.

————

Kay wants to ask why, but Luke already left.

. . .

After Cassian and Kay left, Bohdi asks Luke, “And this, this is real?” Then he looks over at Kestral. He’s disoriented.

It’s also the third time he’s asked Luke this question. Luke is calm, he appears calm and reassuring, but he is confused as to why Bohdi is so different than the other night. “Yeah, this is real. Remember we met two nights ago and danced at Elle Three?”

Bohdi thinks about it for awhile, and realizing he’s only met Luke once helps him put his mind in order. “Yes, I asked you to dance.” He thinks more, maybe he can keep it in order. “Thank you.” Then he looks at his sister. “They thought she was someone called Padmé Amadala, but at the hospital they said Padmé died a long time ago.”

Luke keeps calm outwardly, but he isn’t because he knows that name. “Who thought she was Padmé?”

“Five people who jumped her. She’s been my sister since we were kids.”

“That makes sense,” replies Luke.

“I’m adopted,” explains Bohdi.

Luke figured one or both of them were when they met.

“A bad man took our family apart,” says Bohdi, as he falls asleep. Luke covers him with a blanket from the back of the couch.

He has to talk to his sister. He also wants to talk to Bohdi more, but not about this. He wants to figure Bohdi out.

Luke and Leia moved in next to Kay a couple months ago.

“Leia?” Luke looks for his sister after leaving Kay’s place.

“Yeah?”

“So, did you say your name was Padmé recently?”

“Why are you asking?”

“Because Kestral got beaten really badly by a group of people who thought she was Padmé Amadala.”

“What the fuck? Really?”

“Did you say you were Padmé?”

“No, but I’ve been asking about her a lot. I asked people at the club questions.” Leia looks distraught, “Did I get her beaten up?”

“Well no, you didn’t lay a hand on her, five morons did that. We better be more careful.”

“We should find a private investigator.”

“Agreed.”

“And I should go apologize.”

“Leia,” he puts his hands on her shoulders, “you didn’t do that to her. How about we just talk with her?”

Leia feels mentally exhausted. She sniffs and tries to hold in a tear, “Ok.”

Chapter Text

5:30 PM at Kay’s

“Hi Bohdi,” says Luke when Bohdi opens Kay’s door.

“Shhh-shh, Kestral’s asleep,” Bohdi whispers.

“Oh, sorry,” whispers Luke. “I just wanted to say hello. See how you are doing.”

“I’m ok, I’m watching Kestral.”

“Oh, I wanted to ask if you would take a walk.” Kestral is not alone. Kay and Cassian are there. Luke thought Bohdi could use a break.

“No,” Bohdi looks very distracted, he keeps looking back her way. “Another time, gonna stay with Kestral.”

“Ok, well if you want to go some - ”

“Bye now,” Bohdi closes the door.

Luke stands there, feeling rejected. He walks back to his place soon after. He wonders if he offended Bohdi, or if Bohdi is confused again.

Bohdi is just trying as hard as possible to keep his mind in one time and place.

. . .

“Kestral, meet Kanan and Sabine,” says Kay. “Baze and Churrit asked them to come by, they are physical therapists.”

Jyn was asleep with they were introduced. Who the hell are these two? She thinks groggily at first. Wait, I’ve met one of them.

“Hera’s husband?” Asks Kestral.

“Yeah, you’re Bohdi’s sister,” replies Kanan. “Baze explained, some of the situation.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” says Sabine, who thinks Jyn looks rough.

“Nice to meet you, but I don’t have insurance,” says Jyn, thinking this may be a bad idea.

“Baze and Churrit explained, it’s taken care of,” replies Sabine.

“How?”

“You’re a Jane Doe in hiding, there are some funds and provisions for that kind of thing. It’s all set,” answers Kanan.

By the time they leave, Jyn is exhausted, has exercises to work her way up to, knows how to get around and do tasks the “right” way, and wearing a lot of kinesiology tape courtesy of Sabine.

~ February 7th ~

Lando, Elle, Baze, Churrit, Luke, Leia, and Kay come over to help Cassian move on Thursday.

“Are you serious? The elevator doesn’t work?” Elle asks incredulously.

“Yeah, for as long as I’ve lived here,” replies Cassian.

“Give me a minute,” replies Elle. She has it fixed in ten minutes. She’s the building’s new hero.

. . .

“Kestral! Oh no, Kestral.” Lando has come to visit Jyn between trips moving Cassian. She’s at Kay’s sleeping a lot. “I have some friends who are interested in your work, but I think they can wait a bit. What happened?”

“Oh, I’d still like to work please. Who’s interested?” She may be exhausted and typing slower due to her wrist, but she definitely wants more work. She also figures if Lando knows them, they’ll pay her.

“Ok, I’ll make introductions. But first, what happened?”

“Goblins. Caught by a bunch-ah sewer goblins,” she smiles. “Some people thought I was Padmé Amadala and wanted to teach me a lesson.”

“You are definitely not Padmé.” He looks perplexed. “How many of them were there?”

“Five.” Why is he asking her about it?

“I meet a lot of people, and have many contacts. I am going to ask around, someone will know something.”

Jyn sees that while his expression remains friendly, there is a steely resolve in his eyes. He’s fiercely protective of those around him. If he’s going to do that, he will need more information. “Do you want more details?”

“If it would help, yes.”

“They told me that they were teaching me and my friends a lesson. They drugged me or something with something on a rag. It slowed me down. I bit one of them really hard when she was strangling me, like, she’s gonna have a scar. There were three women and two men. They looked young, and left boot prints on my back.”

“Was it chloroform?”

“I don’t think so. I stayed awake, but I was confused and groggy for hours.” It felt blurry, well, most of it did. “Cassian fixed me up,” she tells him with a smile.

“He’s a good man,” remarks Lando.

“Lando?”

“Hmm?”

“The gift at Christmas, you knew exactly what to get me. It was perfect for my situation. Have you been in any situations that were similar?”

He does not like talking about those times in his life, but she has a point. “I’ve been homeless, mostly as a teen. I have a great family. We all ended up on the street when work dried up.” That isn’t an accurate explanation, he has never said what actually happened out loud to anyone. He decides to change the subject. “I recognized you as someone I saw dumpster diving before the beautify the city dumpster locks.”

She narrows her eyes and tilts her head to the side before asking, “And you let me make your website?”

“Yeah, I didn’t know if you could do it when you offered, I was curious to see what would happen,” he replies. “I could afford to pay ninety dollars to see what would happen.” He has more questions. “Where did these young punks jump you?”

“In an alley near the intersection of Hoth Street and Wampa Avenue. I still can’t believe they caught me by surprise. Fighting is my main skill.”

He laughs, “You were on CCTV when you saved Cassian and Kay. You are an excellent fighter. I suspect you have quite a few main skills Ms. Skater slash Programmer slash Dancer. Don’t sell yourself short!” He’s all smiles now, but he’s already planning out how to track down these young violent people who did this to her. “I’ll come back with more work information soon. You don’t need to be going on interviews like this, I’ll make sure you get their work information. It’s always a pleasure to see you Kestral,” he says as he shakes her left hand since the right one is in and air cast.

A little later he confers with Elle, “Who do you think could be behind something like that? Why on earth did they think they were beating up Padmé Amadala? They don’t sound all that bright do they.”

“No, they don’t.” Elle thinks for awhile. “You’re right, it really doesn’t make sense. I wonder if they did it on someone’s orders, but who would order something like that?”

“Yeah, why order your minions to go after someone who’s dead?”

“You sure they’re minions?”

“I mean, what else could they be? They had access to a somewhat sophisticated drug, but beat up the wrong person? It doesn’t fit.”

“Maybe they’re not from around here, or maybe whoever sent them isn’t?”

“Either way, I want them off my streets.”

“Your streets?” Elle’s always intrigued when his protective side comes out.

He playfully pulls her onto his lap. “Well, I want the people who live in my neighborhood protected.”

“Is the whole city your neighborhood then?”

“Mmm-hmmm.” He kisses down her neck, then is briefly distracted by his thoughts. “I’ll start with Rey and Finn.”

“Not Han?”

“That no good dirty scoundrel! Ok, maybe Han, but not yet.” He gets back to kissing down her neck, and starts to move her shirt out of the way.

As Elle starts to tug his shirt up, she says, “I’m gonna pretend I’m looking to hire a group like them.”

Lando looks up into her eyes, his widen, “Elle, I don’t think that’s a good idea.” This idea worries him. He loves her so much, she’s perfect, and also impulsive. “I do realize it doesn’t matter what I think, you’re going to do what you want, but please rethink this. I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

She breaks into a wicked grin, before it changes to a softer one. “Hey, I love you. I’ll think on it more, and I’ll be careful.” She kisses him deeply.

Chapter Text

By the end of the day Thursday, Cassian and Jyn officially live near Kay, Bohdi, Churrit, Leia, and Luke. Bohdi lives with Kay unofficially still. Kay is concerned that Bohdi will cover the place with foil, or get lost. So far Bohdi has done neither.

Jyn is the only one who realizes Bohdi is spending a lot of mental energy on not putting foil on the wall and not drawing scary pictures. She’s asleep most of the time too so she can’t help him nearly as much as she wants to and usually would.

Jyn is shocked and happy when she sees Cassian’s new place. He calls it their place, which to her is wild. She hasn’t paid for anything yet.

The first day, Cassian sleeps on the couch after settling Jyn in bed. She hears him having a nightmare later. He wakes up with her sleeping on the floor near him holding his hand. Her on the floor is not ideal. He knows he has a lot of nightmares. Will she be on the floor every time? He needs a better solution if that’s the case.

The next day when he goes to sleep on the couch, a few minutes later, she comes to get him and wordlessly bring him to his bed. She holds his hand and they both fall into a deep sleep.

Jyn sleeps a lot for the first few days, and programs (mostly with one hand) when she’s awake. Cassian either wakes her up to eat, or leaves food and water close to where she is if he’s not home. He keeps track of her physical recovery as well.

Jyn is also planning how to contact her father.

. . .

Jyn’s been sleeping a lot, but on Monday when he wakes up for work, she isn’t next to him. He looks around, and she isn’t in their apartment either. He looks more before he finally sees her.

She’s outside talking to Rey. He can usually pick Rey out of a crowd because of how she carries herself. She’s shorter and younger than him, but she carries herself in such a confident way that she seems larger and older. She can often command a room by projecting an air of authority and capability. She looks neat and crisp as usual. He gets the feeling that song about a professional woman in a short skirt and long jacket could have been written about her if she wasn’t a child when it was written.

And oh god, he needs to find clothes for Jyn. He hasn’t brought it up yet because he still feels awkward about it. She is wearing her torn coat which won’t zip anymore, one of her two shirts, and his oldest pair of pajama pants which have bulbasaur and charmander on them and are torn at both knees. She is using her forearm crutches that he borrowed for her. She has an air cast boot on one foot and her regular boot on the other one. And it’s February! She is the most beautiful ragamuffin, and he hopes she stays forever.

She’s on her way back inside, so he goes to use the bathroom to brush his teeth so he won’t greet her with morning breath.

There are things she won’t talk about, but he does have important questions. He wants to know how she knows Rey.

Rey brought a new coat for Jyn, (well it’s new to Jyn, it’s a really nice hand me down), and when Cassian comes out of the bathroom, she’s searching the pockets for information. Rey left her some notes and reports.

“Good morning,” she says smiling happily when she sees him. “No nightmares last night!”

“Yeah, no nightmares, thank goodness.”

“Would you like breakfast? I was planning to make eggs and toast after I finish this.” She notes that he lifts an eyebrow. “I can manage eggs and toast!”

He laughs, then decides he’ll just ask. “So, how do you know Rey?”

She snaps to attention, “Wait, do you know Rey?”

“We’ve met.”

“How do you know her?” Jyn asks and she’s insistent.

“I work at a nightclub and a hospital. I mostly know her from the nightclub because she sometimes does her job there. She’s visited the hospital too before she visited you. Lando and her partner are old friends.” He pauses, sighs and says, “I know they’re private investigators.”

Jyn narrows her eyes at him, reading his expression while deciding what she is willing to explain. It has to seem odd that she pays them while skipping meals. He doesn’t know she pays them at all because it hasn’t come up yet, he was wondering if she works for them. “Rey and Han are the main reason I was able to stop moving around. I pay them a lot of money to keep me and Bohdi safe and so I have warning if people from my past come here. They help me and Bohdi hide.

“But here’s the thing, I snuck into their computer system, and her partner Han keeps meticulous expense records to back up billing if anyone wants a full breakdown. What I pay doesn’t cover what keeping me and Bohdi safe costs. I do side work for them when they ask, but I’m sure they still lose money on us. They haven’t said anything so I don’t either.”

“Really?” Cassian’s actually shocked.

“Yeah, really. Moving from place to place works to keep me and Bohdi safe, but I couldn’t keep moving Bohdi around. He never complained, but it was too hard on him and left him even more confused. When I realized Han and Rey could deliver what they promised, that Hera wouldn’t fire Bohdi, and that she put him on health insurance, I decided to make it work. Then the new city dumpster rules happened, and, and, well that was really bad.

“But then I saw this guy being a really good friend, then that same guy was nothing but kind to me.”

“I wasn’t always kind, I did swear at you when we ran into each other after you saved Kara and her daughter.”

“In fairness, I ran into you at full speed, knocking you on your ass, because I wasn’t paying attention, and then I acted like it was your fault. You weren’t mean, I was the asshole.”

That makes him smile. “Ah, good times. You were a pain in my ass for a couple days until I realized you were the one who jumped ‘Kara’s fella.’ Gertie told me ‘some chick jumped Kara’s fella,’ she really likes you.”

“I know, I called her from Kay’s when I woke up the first day. I can go visit but I can’t even carry her groceries at the moment!”

“It won’t be as hard for Gertie now, Elle fixed the elevator.”

“What! Elle for the win!” Then she adds, “I only had to scare off Kara’s ex-fella one more time. He was such a douche.”

“He came back?!” Was the guy insane?

“Yeah, ummm, I beat him up pretty badly that time. It was around New Years. He came after me and whacked me with a shovel, broke my fucking ribs. I took it off him and threw it then just beat the shit out of him. I think I was spoiling for a fight.”

“Ok, the absolute raw power you wield is both terrifying and awesome.”

“Cassian, do you mind if I pay Rey and Han before I pay for other stuff? Bohdi doesn’t know how much it costs, I don’t want him to know. I don’t think I can stay around here if I don’t have them protecting us.” She looks around the room, then she looks embarrassed but she does make eye contact again. “Is, is that ok?”

She looks vulnerable. He walks closer and carefully wraps his arms around her while looking into her eyes. “Yes, that’s ok. I don’t want you or Bohdi to have to keep moving around either.” He kisses her forehead, and she gets close snuggling into his gentle hold. He kisses her again before asking another question. “Did Rey bring you a coat?”

“Yeah! You like it?”

“Mmm-hmmm, it’s a nice color, and it’s not torn up.”

She laughs, “Yes, there’s that.”

“What’s in the coat?” She’s been searching it.

“Information about Padmé Amadala and local surveillance locations. New place and all.” She pauses for a beat, “Hey, I want food. Can I make us breakfast? You can go shower for work.”

“Are you trying to tell me I smell or something?” He asks with mirth in his eyes.

“No! Isn’t this when your getting ready?” She looks startled, wondering if she got the timing wrong.

“Yeah, but if I cook with you, I can sneak kisses, and I can’t if I'm getting ready for work in a different room.”

She brightens, “Ok, yes, help me cook, I want kisses!” Then she reddens, a little self conscious of her own enthusiasm.

He kisses her immediately before they get to work cooking. There are other reasons he wants to help with cooking. For one, she is gaining weight thankfully, but she is still catching up. And two, she still gets tired fast and is mainly using her left hand, so help is good. It’s been one week since she was jumped.

Chapter Text

~ February 18th ~

When Kay and Cassian get home at 3:20 AM early Sunday morning. Both of their roommates are MIA.

Kay calls Cassian immediately. “Is Kestral there?”

“No.”

“Bohdi isn’t here.”

“Interesting. I’ll call Kestral then I’ll call you back.”

“Wait, why aren’t you freaking out about her not being there? She’s still injured and it’s 3:23 in the morning.”

“Look Kay, she’s not going to stay with me if I try to change her and push her to be home at reasonable times. She is what she is and I love her.”

“Fine. I however, am not in love with Bohdi.”

“Noted. I’ll call you back.”

Jyn doesn’t pick up. He doesn’t leave a voice message, he leaves her a quick text.

Cassian: I’m home. If you need help, just call or text

Fuck I’m not gonna sleep until I know she’s ok am I.

He calls Kay back, “She didn’t pick up. You can go to bed. They’ll be ok.”

“I don’t know if I agree.”

Cassian’s phone buzzes.

Kestral: I need help

“Nevermind, she just texted back that she needs help. Talk later.”

Jyn tells him where she is and when he opens the door to go to her, Kay and Luke are already standing there.

Cassian did not ask them to come, and he wonders if Kay woke Luke or if Luke just has a sixth sense with Bohdi. “Umm, guys, it might freak them out if we all show up.”

“Then text her back!” Says Kay.

Cassian: Luke and Kay insist on coming. Bohdi is there?

Kestral: Yes. I don’t think he wants to be seen like this, but I can’t stop them from coming. Can you bring flashlights?

Cassian: 👍🏼

“That’s not good,” says Kay quietly when he sees Kestral and Bohdi. They find them in an old derelict condemned factory, hidden away in the back corner of the 3rd floor. Bohdi is on top of a raised area. It’s around 4 AM and there isn’t much light. Bohdi has a camping light and Jyn has a flashlight.

Luke asks, “So . . . do they usually just deal with whatever this is by themselves? And does it happen often?”

She said, They broke him and I can’t fix him, that night she let her guard down.

“Not sure how often, but alone, yeah,” replies Cassian.

Jyn is trying to get to Bohdi, and to help him understand where he is and what year it is.

“Bo, you are not in school. You are an adult.”

“Jyn, how did you escape?”

“We both escaped, we escaped awhile ago. Bohdi, this is a condemned building, it is not a school.” He’s still in an air cast for fucks sake and he’s still climbing. Granted something like this is how he fractured his leg in the first place.

The ground here is not steady and Jyn’s physically and mentally exhausted from trying to corral Bohdi. She keeps trying, she always keeps trying.

“This is a trick. Just another cruel trick.” Bohdi says angrily. He actually looks truly angry. He looks at her like she’s the one who took his sister. Jyn sees him furious a lot when he’s lost in time, but the other’s haven’t. He’s not a big guy but he is still intimidating when he’s truly mad about something.

“Please, it’s me. I’m Jyn. We’re ok now, we escaped, please come down.”

“Who are they?!?!” He practically growls the question, and looks past her. “And where is Jyn?! If you guys have her,” and he starts to try to go after them.

Shit, he’s gonna fall! She moves to be in the way or to help him land, “I’m Jyn! I’m Jyn! We escaped! And we have friends.”

“We don’t have friends because we can’t trust anybody. They killed mum and their eyes are everywhere . . . and, oh no, where am I.” He starts looking around more. He starts putting his mind back together. “Jyn, you’re right it’s not school.”

She holds out a hand and he holds it. He’s still kind of high up. She’s real. This is real. She’s smiling, “It’s nicer than the school they sent you to isn’t it.”

“True, less cruel people. Wait, why are you guys here?” He notices it’s not just the two of them.

“It’s because I can’t get you down.” She isn’t smiling now. She looks nervous. Why is his sister nervous? She’s rarely nervous.

“Did they hurt you?” He asks, his eyes flash, anger rising.

Fuck no, I can’t lose him again, “No, Bohdi, it’s Cassian, Kay, and Luke. I didn’t know they were all coming, but I can’t get you down all by myself today. I don’t know how you got up there.”

“I climbed?” He’s not sure, he doesn’t remember.

The three guys have made their way over and are trying to figure out how best to get him down.

“Hey Bohdi,” says Luke, as he hops up onto the high platform. “I think you can get down this way. Right where Cassian and Kay are.” He guides Bohdi from the back.

“Thanks, umm, ohh god,” this is bad. This is really bad. How long has he been here? “Kestral, how, how long?”

“I found you at 8, so not too bad, let’s go, ok?” Jyn’s relieved, Bohdi is back now.

“Your name is Jyn?” Kay asks this woman who he thought was Kestral.

“Yeah, but Kestral is on my ID for a reason so please call me that. Ok?”

“Is the ID fake?”

“No, I’m legally Kestral, originally Jyn.”

“Ok. Are you hiding from the man who abused you as a child.”

“Mmm-hmmm.” She can’t plausibly hide it from Kay and Luke any longer, not after what they just saw.

Luke assists Bohdi, Cassian helps Jyn pick her way back out of the old building, and Kay assists both of them as needed. Bohdi is mortified, but Luke does his best to keep Bohdi engaged to help him feel comfortable.

“I was thinking of going to the airstrip on the left side of the city. I was wondering, would you like to come with me?” Luke asks making conversation.

“Um, maybe? That’s, that’s a thing people do?” Bohdi’s mind is still trying to take him places.

“Yeah, but we can go later, like another week if that’s better. I like watching the prop planes.”

“Yeah the prop planes,” repeats Bohdi. He’s quiet, Luke tries to think of what to say next. Bohdi speaks up, “My mum fixed prop planes.” Then he adds, “Before she died, she fixed them. She was good at it. Had goggles on her head like me, well, me like her. What does your mum do?”

“My mom passed right after I was born. She was a diplomat. Leia and I are trying to figure out what else she did.”

“You’ve got a dead mum too? I’m sorry, it’s better when they live isn’t it.”

“Yeah.”

“I had two mums, I miss them.” Bohdi stops speaking all together.

Back at Kay’s place, Luke, Kay, and Cassian start to feel like they are intruding when, Jyn sits Bohdi down and he just drops his head down into his hand and cries. “I’m so sorry Jyn. I try so hard and it just keeps happening.”

She rubs his back, “I know you do. You’re the best whether it happens or not. You know that right?”

“I feel like I’m just a massive screwup. I mean wouldn’t your life be easier if you weren’t stuck tracking me down at random times because I’m lost in some other time and place? I don’t know how I got there, and I can’t believe you had to pick your way through that place when you’re in pieces.”

“Whoa, Bohdi, my life would not be easier without you and without nights like the last one because I wouldn’t have a life. I’ve gotten back up so many times because my family, you, my family Mama and Papa chose, are still here. You’ve personally picked me back up. I mean, the time I got stabbed, you saved me. That time I got kidnapped, you stole a car and got me out of there.”

“By the time I got there you’d gotten yourself out.”

“I needed a ride though. I broke their car and it was cold. My point is, you need me and I need you. And it was never all work. We have a lot of good times too. Who else is going to play Nuvole Bianche for me? Plus if you’re a fuck up, then I am too, so I mean, we go together or something.”

He laughs though the tears keep flowing.

She adds, “Hey, you get some sleep, and we’ll go look at fish and gerbils at the pet shop later, ok?”

He replies, “You look like someone beat you up, people will assume I did that to you. We’d definitely get unwanted attention.”

Luke, Kay, and Cassian are still there, and though the three of them were chatting, they were surreptitiously listening in. Cassian has an idea. “Churrit and Baze have two dogs, you could go over to their place.”

Bohdi forgot they were there so he startles. Jyn asks, “They would let us come pet their dogs?”

“Of course they would,” Kay replies, surprised that that would even be a question.

Cassian gives him a look with eyes wide. “I think so. I’ll ask them and bring you over later today,” says Cassian.

. . .

When they get back to their place, Cassian asks her, “That was happening for eight hours?”

“Yeah.”

“Is it always like that?”

“No, it doesn’t happen often, but then it happens a lot at once. It comes in waves.”

“Is eight hours long for that?”

“I don’t think you’re gonna like the answer.”

. . .

Cassian plans to take Jyn and Bohdi over to Churrit and Baze’s place while Kay heads out for a date with the woman he was making out with at Elle Three. He has questions for Kay first.

“Hey, have you dated before?” He asks his oldest friend gently.

“I do not need the talk,” Kay replies.

“I know that, that’s not my question. Have you dated before?”

“Yes, in middle school,” he replies.

Now Cassian is concerned, but Kay needs to head out soon. Kay is who he is. Cassian just says, “Well, Monique, her name is Monique?”

“Yes,” replies Kay testily.

“Well, she’s lucky to be dating you.” That comment surprises Kay. He wasn’t sure what Cassian was going to say, but he was expecting some kind of lecture. Cassian keeps going, “You’re a great person, you’re so careful with patients, you carried Jyn down five flights of stairs, you took her and Bohdi in on the spot a week ago, you’re my best friend, and I pick friends well. You’re awesome. I don’t know much about Monique, but she clearly has good taste in men. Have fun, I won’t wait up.”

Kay raises an eyebrow, but he has a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. He didn’t realize he needed a confidence boost until his friend gave him one. “Thanks. Can you check on Bohdi later?”

“Oh, that’s all set. I was planning to have him sleep at my and Jyn’s place or I would stay here with him tonight. No worries.”

“Good, have fun at Churrit’s!” And he leaves.

Cassian walks Jyn and Bohdi over. Churrit opens the door as he is about to knock as usual. “Cassian, Kestral, and Bohdi?”

“Yes, it’s us three,” replies Cassian.

“Hello Churrit!” Says Kestral.

“Hello,” adds Bohdi.

“Come on in guys. Where’s Kay?” Asks Churrit

“Heading out on a date with Monique the neurosurgeon.”

Not much surprises Churrit, but this does. Now they hear eight feet scrabble their way. “Ah, here comes Artoo and Bee-bee, and my better half."

“Churrit, you’re the better half,” says Baze, following eight feet skittering their way. “Hey grumpy!” He says to Kestral in particular. She smiles.

“This is Artoo,” says Churrit, introducing an adorable medium sized mutt. "And here's Bee-bee,” he says, introducing a very tiny yorkie.

Jyn is on forearm crutches, and Artoo seems to know to be careful with her. Bee-bee isn't exactly careful, but she's small so it's ok.

Bohdi and Jyn are both immediately delighted, especially Bohdi.

“Hey, come sit over here,” Baze brings them all over to a sitting area. They start to have small talk, but Churrit realizes what Jyn already knows. Small talk will take more mental energy than Bohdi has right now. Cassian and Baze chat a bit before realizing why they are the only two talking.

Artoo sits next to Bohdi wanting to be pet, and Bohdi obliges. Bee-bee runs round and round playing with her toys. She sits on Jyn after awhile.

Baze does want to know how Kestral is doing though, so he asks for updates. “Kestral - ”

“ - I like when you call me grumpy,” she interrupts, with a small smile.

He laughs, “Ok grumpy, how are you feeling? I know that you’ve healed from crazy stuff before, how do you feel it’s going this time?”

“It’s going better than usual,” and she looks at Cassian.

There is another knock at the door, and Baze heads over. “Guess?” He asks Churrit.

“Leia,” he replies.

Baze opens the door, “Hello Leia, what’s up?”

“Hello, I’m looking for Kestral.”

Baze turns toward Kestral, who is already heading over. She nods that she’s comfortable talking with Leia, and Leia comes in. “Hello,” says Jyn.

“Hi, umm, I’m just gonna get right to it. Our brothers were talking, and you were beaten up because someone thought you were Padmé Amadala?”

“When did they talk?”

“A week ago maybe?”

“Yeah, they thought I was her.”

“It’s just that, she’s dead, and she’s my birth mother.”

“What the fuck?”

“Look, I have been asking about her, but I don’t know why anyone would think she’s alive. I’m just trying to figure out what happened to her and if it had anything to do with my birth father, and, oh god, I’m so sorry.” Leia feels like it’s her fault.

Jyn says, “Look, I’m not good at this stuff, but just so you know, this is not your fault, I mean what happened to me, not your fault.” She wonders if she should hug her. Cassian and Bohdi are the only people she hugs currently, and one of them only very recently.

Bohdi however, has returned from wherever he was in his mind, and heads over. He puts an arm around Leia, “Can you tell us about your mum?”

Leia smiles, “Yeah, well what little I know. She was a diplomat, and a really good one. Then she died right after having me and Luke. That was all we knew, until recently. Luke got a hold of her autopsy, and, it looked like there was bruising around her neck, kinda like yours.” Leia’s eyes settle on Jyn’s neck.

“Hmm,” says Jyn. “Well, Bohdi and I lost a mum to violence, so at least you’re in good company.” She doesn’t mention Cassian’s father as that is not her story to share.

Cassian adds it instead. “My dad too, caught in gang crossfire.”

“Oh shit, I’ve been really rude to your brother,” Bohdi says.

“What?” Asks Leia.

“Nevermind, I’ll sort it with him. Socially, I’m a mess sometimes. So, back to dead parents.” And Leia tells them everything she knows.

Later Kestral asks, “How old are you?”

“Twenty-two,” replies Leia.

Twenty two years ago, a corporation was built on the ashes of two others. A corporation that puts its hands in anything to do with weaponry.

Jyn suspects her and Leia’s lives have just collided in earnest.

“Do you need clothes?” Leia asks Kestral.

“What?” Jyn was zoned out thinking of her father’s old place of work.

“Do you need clothes? We’re about the same size, and I can take you to find something you’re comfortable in.”

Jyn looks down at what she’s wearing. She’s in one of Cassian’s older shirts, and her one pair of pants that were not recently ruined. The shirt and pants actively clash. She starts laughing, quite a lot. “You are so kind, I look absolutely ridiculous and you’re calmly asking if I need clothes. I’m down to one and a half outfits that are not Cassian’s, but I don’t have money right now.”

“I have hand me downs, no money needed.” Then Leia leans in closer. “Fair warning, I am going to buy you proper underthings that are not hand me downs.” She looks at Kestral pointedly, because she’s serious and Kestral needs to know she can’t turn this gift down.

Jyn reddens, but she also thinks proper underthings sound nice. She also has realized this tiny Leia lady is a hell of a lot stronger and tougher than she lets on. Jyn honestly feels intimidated.

Chapter Text

——First Transmission——

Hello fellow human,

I hope this finds you well. Where I am the sun is shining bright today.

The stars look lovely at night, and when I see them I feel safe.

Someone I love told me what stars are made of. I hope that person walks free.

Birds used to carry messages. I have heard that a link in an ad for birdseed can carry a return message if you have questions about their product.

- The Rookery

——End transmission——

Chapter Text

“Luke!” Bohdi catches him walking, and falls in step with him. “I’m sorry, I’ve been really rude.”

“No, you haven’t, ok well maybe you have been once, but I don’t think you meant to be. You were worried about Kestral.” They are walking in public, and Luke has intuited that they never say her real name if anyone might be around.

“Sometimes I get really confused. I didn’t realize I had been rude until I was zoned out petting Artoo, and my brain went back into place. So, I’m sorry.” Bohdi looks tense, but ok.

Luke wonders if he’s meeting the most real version of Bohdi. Luke smiles and says, “No worries.”

Bohdi adds, “Leia said your mum died violently? Mine did too. Well, the second one. I’m sorry for your loss.”

“I’m sorry for yours as well.”

“Thanks. Kestral and me went through a lot, we just dealt with it different.” Bohdi often wonders why she’s mostly ok and he’s not. She’s not actually ok. “So, I remember what you want to do, but what do you do currently?”

“I work at a college library, library science major, and I teach self defense classes.”

Bohdi stops walking, his jaw drops open.

Luke stops and tries to read his face, but he has no idea why Bohdi reacted this way. He asks, “Is that bad?”

“Luke, that’s amazing! Which college?”

Luke can’t help but smile at the compliment. “The one that’s ten minutes away. It’s a little quiet, but I am really good at finding obscure information.”

“That’s amazing, that’s like a proper brilliant job.”

“Being a mechanic is a proper job too.”

“Yeah, I know, but you saw what happened. I go missing. Hera’s the first person I’ve worked for who hasn’t fired me after a month. I try, but I can’t hold a proper job.”

“Don’t sell yourself short. I think your idea of a proper job is the problem, not you.”

Bohdi looks at him sideways. He’s not sure what to make of that comment.

Luke has another question, “Can I ask about Elle Three?”

“Sure, but I don’t work there.”

“Sorry, I mean about you at Elle Three.”

It takes Bohdi a minute. “Oh, ok. What would you like to know?”

“You were different that night. I was wondering why?”

“Kestral asked me to do that. She thought it would be good for us to go out dancing. It was too. I can fake confidence for awhile, and it’s fun, but tires my mind out. Confident Bohdi can only come out once in awhile.”

“That Bohdi is fun, but I like this Bohdi.”

Bohdi smiles and keeps walking with Luke. Eventually he asks, “Do you know anyone with a piano?”

“I have one at my place.” And he is about to ask if Bohdi plays, but Bohdi interrupts.

“Oh my goodness, can I please come play it sometime?! I’m careful, can I bring Kestral too? She doesn’t play, she likes when I play.”

“Yeah, let’s do that. You want to go now?”

“Tomorrow? Maybe?” Bohdi thinks Jyn should be sleeping.

“Sure.”

“Cassian too? Kestral and him are pretty attached.”

“Yeah, Leia will probably be there too, is that ok.”

“Yes it is!” Bohdi reflects. “Luke, I really like talking to you.”

. . .

If someone had told Jyn a month ago that she would be going over to other people’s houses and apartments, anyone’s place other than wherever she or Bohdi were staying, like to Churrit and Baze’s place, Kay and Bohdi’s place, and now Luke and Leia’s place, she would not have believed them. Her life was so different. There was food, she’d kissed somebody, she lived with somebody kind, there was heat, and while Bohdi was still having a hard time, he was happy more often. Now they are headed to a friend’s place because that friend has a piano.

“You ok Kestral?” Asks Bohdi.

“I think so.”

“Cassian, are you ok?” Asks Bohdi.

“Mmm-hmm. And are you ok?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

Leia greets them and takes them to the piano.

“You pick,” Bohdi whispers to Jyn.

“Oltremare,” whispers Jyn.

He starts to play, and it feels so good. His hands and fingers know where they belong as they flow over the keys. He knows the song so well, he can just let it take him away. His goggles are on his head, his Jyn is close by, and his mum feels close right now. She loved when he played. He couldn’t play anything like this back then, but she always loved when he smiled and played songs for her. His new mum and dad loved when he played too. Jynnie smiles too! She always smiles when he’s playing piano.

Bohdi forgets where he is and who he’s with, but doesn’t get so lost that he can’t find his way back.

When he does come back, Luke is looking at him with an open smile. That look means something thinks Bohdi, probably that he enjoyed the song.

Leia gives Jyn some hand me downs and new underthings too.

Jyn has questions.

“Was your mum attached to any companies around the time when she died?”

“I don’t think so. She was always involved in government work. She had been overseas but lived here at the time.”

Luke asks, “Why do you think she may have been?”

“Just a hunch,” replies Jyn.

Luke has information, “I’ve been doing a deep dive into what was happening around that time, and there were some big mergers. I haven’t seen direct connections with our mom yet, but there are a few companies that kept being alluded to in the news at the time. They didn’t usually say their names which is weird.”

Bohdi and Jyn exchange a glance. “Maybe they had something to do with weapons manufacturing,” says Bohdi.

“Why do you think that?” Asks Leia, she’s curious.

“I don’t want to talk about it. It just was something happening around that time,” says Jyn.

“So, Kestral,” starts Luke.

“Leia, my name is Jyn. My ID says Kestral, it’s legally Kestral, call me Kestral in public and anytime someone might be in earshot.” Jyn has decided Luke doesn’t need to hide her real name from his sister/best friend/roommate. “Luke, Kay, Cassian, and Bohdi are the only people who know.”

It wasn’t completely true, Han and Rey knew, but it was different with them. They always called her Kestral even when alone.

“I promise I’ll be careful,” replies Leia. “And Luke, look at you keeping secrets.” Leia is smiling and now Jyn wonders if this means he rarely can.

Luke starts where he left off, “Jyn, I teach self defense classes, I was wondering if you need some tips.”

Bohdi immediately bursts out laughing. Jyn has a small smile but planned to be polite, though Bohdi’s outburst makes it hard to pull off.

Jyn likes that Luke thought of her. “Bo!” She sighs, “Thank you, I’m usually a really good fighter, when I’m doing better would you like to spar?”

Luke is still thrown off by the reactions of the siblings. Cassian decides to explain. “She fought six guys who were coming after me and Kay. She took them all out. Only one landed a single hit on her. If you two spar, I want to watch.”

Bohdi’s laughter slows. “Sorry mate, it’s just, you have no idea. She’s a terrifying whirlwind and a fury in a fight. Good figure skater too. Please be careful if you spar with her, she’s likely to do you some damage.”

“I’ll behave!” She says to Bohdi emphatically. “Luke, I promise I will. I also appreciate the offer. I like that you look out for people and give them skills to stay safe.” She means it too. “What styles do you use?”

“Krav Maga for the classes, but I’m trained in MMA fighting.”

Jyn’s eyes widen, “You might be hard to beat. We definitely should spar.”

“Wait, what styles do you use?”

Jyn replies, “Jiu Jitsu, Muay Tai, a bit of Hapkido and Krav Maga thrown in as well.”

“Can you wear protective gear Luke?” Bohdi asks, not laughing anymore.

“Shouldn’t Jyn also wear protective gear?” Asks Leia, and Cassian and Luke are thinking the same thing.

Bohdi asks Jyn, “Have you used protective equipment? I remember that wild fight when you were sixteen better than the rest of them. There were ten guys and a couple of them had knives. It was summer and we were on the run, so you were just wearing a tank top and shorts.”

“Yeah, but I had a stick,” she arches her eyebrow at him. “That was a wild one. You did my stitches after.”

“No, no, no, no, not that part. You had too much blood outside your body.”

“Not all of it was mine! It’s ok!“ She starts laughing.

“That’s not really better,” he starts laughing too.

“You remember, you remember,” she still laughing, “Those four big guys, thought they were so tough,” she starts holding her sides because she can’t stop laughing and it hurts. Then she tries to do an impression for Bohdi. “Hey big eyes,” in the lowest voice she can muster.

He laughs harder, “I remember!” In a low voice he says, “Hey big eyes!” Then in his normal voice, “We were like who now?”

“I still don’t know who they meant!” They both have large eyes. She’s red and laughing hard enough to have tears fall down her face.

Bohdi is as well. “They were in those fancy suits, they clearly worked out too!” He laughs more remembering their fancy clothes and surprised faces. “I think they were expecting me to go after them. The look on their face when you charged! All ninety pounds of insanity,”

“Bo, it was totally fine, I had a stick!” They both laugh even harder.

“One of them had a gun, well you had it soon after. My god, you made them regret it.”

“They got off easy, they ran off after a few hits.”

“I know, but the look on their faces. Oh my god. What got into you?”

“I was pretending they were fuckface.”

“Yeah, that will do it. Which fuckface?”

“Both of them.” The laughter finally slows. Bohdi and Jyn realize it’s not just the two of them talking at about the same time. Jyn says, “Sorry, I forgot you were all here.” She’s red for a new reason.

“I have new questions,” says Leia, “but you look a little sleepy.”

“Oh god, that’s an understatement isn’t it,” Jyn replies to Leia.

“Want to head home?” Asks Cassian. Seeing Jyn and Bohdi caught up in uncontrollable laughter may be his new favorite thing.

“Yes and no,” Jyn says honestly.

“Ok. Bo, we’ll walk you home or you can stay with us tonight,” adds Cassian as they head out.

. . .

Jyn’s comment about weapons companies gets Luke thinking, and he spends many hours after work at the library for the next few days comparing news sources from around his mother’s time with each other attempting to suss out what the company or companies being alluded to actually made and what their names were.

He is making progress, but it’s slow.

On the third night in a row of this Bohdi calls. “Hey Bohdi, how are you?”

“I’m um, I’m, I think I need help.”

“Ok, I’ll come to you. Where are you?”

“Really?” Bohdi’s shocked Luke said yes. He doesn’t even know what’s wrong. “I’m at Kay’s.”

“I’ll be there soon.” Luke wants to stay on the phone with Bohdi, so he asks more questions. “So what’s going on?”

“Well, Kestral usually helps, but she is probably sleeping and she needs more sleep. I am afraid I’ll put pictures on Kay’s walls. I keep getting foil and paper, then remember where I am, and when I am. Kay will be mad if I cover the walls with anything.”

“Can you hold off on putting anything on the walls until I get there? We can stay on the phone and talk.”

“I, I hope so. I’m trying really hard.”

“Is Kay out of the apartment?”

“Yeah, he’s with Monique! She’s lovely. They go out a lot.”

“I haven’t met her formally yet. You’ve met her a few times?”

“Yes, she’s quite nice. She’s also a lot taller than me.”

“Are they out a lot?”

“Yes, wait, no. Kay works too. Shit, what day is it?”

“It’s Thursday, so you’re probably right, I bet he is out with Monique.” Bohdi forgetting what day it is worries Luke.

Luke keeps Bohdi on the phone right up until he knocks on the door.

When Bohdi opens the door for him, Luke sees relief wash over him. “It’s you, thank you. Come in?”

“Yeah,” replies Luke. Bohdi looks disheveled and confused. Luke sees paper and foil on the floor behind Bohdi. “Let’s clean this up. Then you can come draw at my place.”

“Shit, I did that?” Says Bohdi looking where Luke is looking. “I mean probably right? Who else would it be?” He sounds so disappointed in himself.

Inside Luke is distressed, because Bohdi is forgetting things that just happened. He thinks he can help though as he has been watching how Bohdi interacts with Jyn and others. “No worries. Come on, let’s clean this up together.”

“Ok,” replies Bohdi with some resolve. He gets to work. They clean it up soon after, and Luke is not going to leave Bohdi here alone. Bohdi is also still disheveled. “Bo, can I,” he’s about to ask if Bohdi wants to change or shower, but that seems weird. Instead he just adjusts Bohdi’s goggles.

“Thanks,” and a small smile appears on his face.

“Here, let’s leave Kay a note and you come over to my place.”

Bohdi looks down then around, nodding yes. “That’s, that’s probably best isn’t it.”

“Yeah. Let’s bring your paper too.”

Luke’s place is quiet, and Bohdi keeps wanting to draw. When Luke realizes he’s still trying hard not to, he says, “You can draw. I’m right here. You can draw as much as you want.”

“Ok? ummm, thank you.” That’s what Jyn does sometimes, just to help him get it out of his system. He knows that he keeps drawing her as a child and that has to be traumatic, but she lets him anyway. Those times, it feels completely out of his control. “I just have to message Jyn. We check in.” He sends her a quick text and starts drawing.

He is really good, but what he’s drawing is scary. He draws young Jyn backing away from four adult men, one of whom is a lot taller than the rest. Then he draws Jyn skating. Then he draw himself and Jyn being taken from their father.

He draws and draws and draws, and Luke’s heart breaks because all of this happened to Jyn and Bohdi. He also starts to recognize symbols in the drawings. “Is that a logo?”

“Mmmm-hmmm.”

“I’ve seen it before, what company is it for?”

“Separatist Industries. They were a robotics company that also made weapons.”

“They’re not around anymore?”

“No, they were taken over.”

“What’s this logo?”

“Republic, Inc. They were a distribution company that also made some weaponry. They were competing for the same contracts. They were also taken over.”

All at once Luke realizes Jyn and Bohdi know a lot more about what was going on when his mother died than they let on. He’s not sure if they are purposely or accidentally keeping it to themselves. They were both traumatized as children, he didn’t realize it had something to do with these companies who were operating when his mom was alive.

Bohdi’s staring at him. Luke starts to feel uncomfortable. Bohdi asks, “Can I tell you about some of these?” It’s like it’s the craziest question he’s ever asked.

“Yeah, you can.”

He speaks slowly trying to explain it to Luke. “I tell Jyn, and she listens, but it was traumatic for her so it feels wrong to tell her sometimes. But there are times when I have to get it out.”

“I don’t know how much you’re comfortable telling me, but I am a good listener and I really enjoy your company.”

“So, those two companies were bought by another and - ”

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard!” Says Leia to someone, bursting into the room.

“Let me tell you sister,” starts Han.

Bohdi interrupts, “Han?”

Han does a double take before he does his best to act cool and collected. “Hey Bo, you guys know each other?” He asks, scratching the back of his neck. Bohdi is one of the more complicated people he looks out for. Bo and Jyn’s situation was precarious.

“Yeah, we met recently. Kestral made a friend, then we made some more.” He smiles at Luke and Leia.

“Ok then,” honestly Han is concerned. He also doesn’t want to fight with his newer client in front of one of his most complicated clients. He really wishes he hadn't signed a contract with “Kestral,” because he’s stuck protecting her and her brother from the scariest corporation on the planet. It scares him that he could end up on their radar. Some of what Leia’s asked about seems to coincide with the founding of that corporation. He needs to leave and talk to Rey. He looks at Leia, needing to end the conversation now, “So, umm, I’m sorry I was so stupid. I’ll come back with something better.”

Leia looks between them all while Han leaves. She had asked Han to help her look into what happened to her family. They both pissed each other off soon after but that was beside the point. Based on Han’s reaction to Bohdi and what Han knows about her case, she guesses the death of their mother and the lives of the Rook siblings are somehow intertwined. Leia would normally just ask them questions, but whatever Jyn and Bohdi went through has left them thoroughly traumatized. She’s not going to ask Bohdi right now, and if and when she asks either of them questions, she plans to do so carefully.

Luke asks Bohdi instead. Luke realizes Bohdi needs to talk about some of these things, and he understands why Jyn and Bohdi can’t exactly just do that. “How do you know Han?”

“He and his partner keep Jyn and I safe. We pay them.” He does help pay, Jyn just hasn’t told him the real cost. “Jyn said we could stop moving from city to city because Han and Rey did what they promised.” Bohdi looks at his paper and stops drawing. “Can we talk about something else?”

Leia replies, “Yeah, you want some dinner? Luke made a great vegetable stew that we’ve been heating up all week.”

Bohdi closes his notebook. He has a question. “That’s a thing friends do, eat together?”

Luke notes Bohdi looks confused and lost, “Yeah, they do. And we’re friends. You can stay for dinner.” He puts his hand on Bohdi’s back.

“Thank you,” replies Bohdi. He looks relieved. His mind is on constant overdrive and worrying about being lost or drawing on top of that is exhausting. With Luke and Leia, especially with Luke, he doesn’t have to worry about those things as much.

He doesn’t eat dinner with them because he falls asleep before they eat. He sleeps on their couch that night. Luke sleeps in a chair nearby in case Bohdi is confused when he wakes up.

. . .

“Leia,” Luke begins.

“What’s up?”

“Can I ask Bohdi to move into our spare room?”

Leia knows her brother has a crush on Bohdi, but she also knows he would not ask him to move in without good unselfish reasons because he’s like that. “Why?”

“Because he’s spending all his energy trying not to put foil and drawings on Kay’s walls. I don’t mind if he draws and hangs up foil and pictures, he and I can just clean it up. Plus, I think Kay and Monique need a little more privacy.”

“Foil?”

“Yeah. I don’t think he can stay with Jyn either.”

“True, I saw the drawings. Can the foil and drawings mainly be in the spare room?”

“I hope so.”

She thinks on it. “Will you having a crush on him be an issue?”

He reddens and says, “I never said - ” Leia is infuriatingly observant. No use denying it. “No! Well, I hope not. I just want him to feel it’s safe to be who he is.”

Leia smiles, she’s always so proud of her brother. “I’m on board and I don’t mind the drawings or foil either. Go call him.”

“Now?”

“Yes, right now, and I don’t plan to charge him rent.” Leia owns the place outright already.

“Thank you,” says Luke. He hugs his sister tight.

It takes some convincing because Bohdi doesn’t want to inconvenience anyone, but Luke and Leia convince him.

Leia says, “I own our place, I don’t mind if you draw on the walls.”

Luke adds, “Me neither. I can help you clear it up if needed. We just want you to be somewhere where you are not constantly worrying about drawing and foil. Is that ok?”

Bohdi’s speechless. He hugs them both tight before vigorously nodding yes.

He’s their new roommate soon after.

Jyn worries about moving him again, because it confuses him, but something about this move feels right. She also appreciates that Luke and Leia seem to understand her brother. Jyn and Bohdi both thank Kay for taking them in as well. He’s been good to the siblings.

Chapter Text

Jyn’s hears an alert from her phone. It’s a specific alert she’s been waiting for. She goes to her laptop, and runs two decrypting scripts. When they finish, she takes a deep breath and reads the output.

——First Return Transmission——

To the Rookery,

Thank you for sending such excellent birdseed. The delivery service is impressive.

When sunbeams appear through the clouds, I am so happy. I love them.

When I see stars and remember what they are made of, I so am happy. I love them.

There are gale force winds where I am, and a mill nearby for shaping wood. The owner of the mill takes pride in their work and it makes them happy.

I love to learn about the history of messenger birds and to buy birdseed. I hope to hear from you again.

- The Wind Mill

——End transmission——

Cassian sees Jyn attempt to go in three directions at once. “Hey what’s up?”

“I gotta, it’s, I’ll tell you but, but I gotta tell Bo first!” She covers her face. “Fuck, fuck, it’s . . . holy shit.”

“Are you ok?” Asks Cassian, coming over to her and framing her face in his hands to look into her eyes, reading her expression closely.

“Yes and no.” She hugs him tight. She doesn’t realize she’s crying tears of joy at first. Cassian holds her close, carding her hair. She realizes he has no idea if whatever happened is good or bad. “Oh my god, I’m sorry. It’s a good thing that’s happened! I should just share with Bo first, it’s that kind of thing.”

Cassian smiles, “Thank goodness.”

Kestral: come over, it’s important

He’s there five minutes later.

She brings Bohdi and Cassian to her laptop and whispers, “I heard from papa.”

“How?”

“Rey gave me a way to contact him, and I checked it out. I wanted to make sure it worked before I said anything. I had to do a fair amount of encryption, and make the message quite obtuse, but look.” She shows the messages.

Bohdi let’s out a big breath and just stares for a long time. “He called me Sunbeam. I miss him so much.”

Jyn goes to find something. She comes back with her album. “Cassian, this is our dad.” She shows him a picture of the three of them. Bohdi and Jyn at the beach building a sandcastle with their father. Both kids looking quite animated. They must have been talking to him when their mother took the picture.

“And the mill, he means Saw.” She shows him a picture of a stern looking man standing next to her while she is wearing an ice skating outfit.

“He got you ready,” remarks Bohdi.

“He got us all out. Cassian, can you show us your album?”

He has a few. He’s about to say let’s just focus on you, but they want him to share in their joy. He’s not going to deny them. “Yeah, I’ll get it.”

They have a few more pictures they show him, but they end up asking a lot of questions about his family, wanting to know all about his family and his home growing up with them.

Later Bohdi asks Jyn, “What will you say when you contact him this time?”

“I’m not sure yet. I’ll show you the first message I sent, and you can help me write it this one. I wanted to make sure it would work first.”

He smiles.

——Second Transmission——

To the Wind Mill,

Messenger birds have a long history. If you are impressed with these birds, please send more information. You do not need to send geography or civics information.

The Sunbeam I see makes me so proud. I bet you would be proud too. Sunbeam’s can fix many things. Stardust is cryptic.

We’re happy that there is wind for the mill. I hope the wind is strong and the mill runs well.

Have you heard anything about the corrupt bird seed sellers that our tiny company broke away from? We are always on the lookout, and our eyes are tired.

We heard lyre harp music. We miss hearing it, and love it. We know you love it too. We feel lucky to have heard it.

- The Rookery

——End Transmission——

Chapter Text

~ February 24th ~

They had a fight, THEY HAD A FIGHT, they had an ACTUAL fight! Cassian looked angry! He was well and truly angry. It was Friday, and when he left for work, Jyn left their place, well his place. She couldn’t pay for much yet. He never brought that up, and always calls it their place. They’ve only been dating for a little over 3 weeks!

Now it’s 4:30 AM on Saturday, and she’s afraid to go back to their place. He’s home by now too. He didn’t hit her or anything like that. He raised his voice, but she definitely raised her voice first and she was louder.

She is afraid because she doesn’t know what happens next.

How do I sort this out?

She turned off find my phone and all location services, and then she turned off her phone. Twenty minutes ago, she turned it on to call Bohdi.

“Hey Kestral,” he says as he comes to sit with her. She’s sitting on the ground behind a metal barrier, her arms on the middle rung, her legs in front of the barrier hanging over a wall by a salt water canal. It’s so foggy. She’s been watching fishing boats come in and go out for an hour after walking around a lot. The bright lights on the fishing boats in the fog make them look like ghost ships. As always, Bohdi has his goggles perched on his head.

“Hi,” she replies quietly as he sits down with her.

“So what happened?”

“I had a fight with Cassian. He was mad and said I need to stop scaring our new neighbors, and I freaked.” Almost as soon as she could move better, she started purposely scaring the neighbors she didn’t already know. “We argued, then I yelled, then he yelled, then I yelled and I was louder. He said he was ok before he went to work, and I did too. I lied. I wasn’t ok.” She pauses before continuing, “Scaring the neighbors, I always do that. It didn’t even occur to me that that was unusual and that he wouldn’t want me to do that,” then she lapses into silence.

“I scare the neighbors without trying to,” says Bohdi, trying to lighten the mood.

“I’m sorry.”

He’s quiet. He knows how vulnerable she actually is. “Does he know that sometimes you yell so you won’t cry?”

She says nothing for a full thirty seconds, “Well, no. I haven’t actually told you that, so why would I tell him? How did you know?” She asks, mystified.

“I was there at first, remember? I saw you change.”

“Oh,” she replies quietly.

“So why are you here with your location services turned off?” He decides it’s time to get to the point.

“How do you know about that?”

“We’re on the same phone plan.”

She takes Bohdi’s hand and breathes in and out slowly but not too deep, just in as much as her ribs allow. It’s been a little over three weeks and she’s improved a lot, but she’s still recovering. Right now she’s trying to control her emotions. “Fine. I’m scared. I don’t know what’s normal, I don’t know if he stays mad for a short time or a long time, I don’t know if he gives me the silent treatment, I don’t know how to argue like an adult. Plus, what happens when he gets tired of me and my bullshit. I’m a nightmare, and I don’t know what he sees in me.”

“I think it’s ok to be scared. Also, have you met you? You’re amazing and he knows it. If you want to know for sure, I think you can just ask what he sees in you. But if you ask, you have to believe him. You can’t just go ‘nah’ because you aren’t confident. You would expect him to believe you if he asked you that question.”

“But he’s angry, and I was hostile. And I always scare the neighbors, it’s how I stay safe.”

“I think it’s possible that you and I have no idea what’s normal. I mean, we did not have a normal upbringing, so what the fuck is normal? I have no idea.”

“Yeah, what is normal,” she echos to herself. They lapse into silence.

Bohdi eventually speaks up, “Mum and dad used to fight and argue sometimes, and then they were fine a little later.”

“I forgot about that.” She’s quiet again. “What if I’m right and should scare the neighbors and can’t convince him? If I’m wrong, how do I face him and make this ok?”

“I think . . . I think . . . if you tell him what you told me, and talk about it, it will be ok. And you make it ok by apologizing. Mama and Papa apologized to each other, I remember that.”

“I don’t remember much of that. I remember they apologized to me sometimes. I thought, whoa, adults apologize to kids? Mind blowing when you’re six.”

He laughs a little, “Yeah, they were honestly really good parents and people.” They watch another boat go by. “Mum was better with words than dad, but she didn’t use that to get her own way when they argued. Cassian’s better with words isn’t he.”

She laughs, “Understatement of the century. Yeah, he’s definitely better with words.”

He laughs too. He finally adds, “He’s kind, I don’t think he’ll use being better with words against you.” They lapse into a comfortable silence.

She pulls out her phone and turns on her location. “Can you wait with me? I’m gonna tell him where I am, but, but I’m not strong enough to go to him, and I might run off before he gets here.” Some tears escape. What they argued over wasn’t as big a deal as this all feels. The argument, all of the feelings it brings out, have her feeling emotional and raw.

“Yeah. I got your back.” He puts an arm around her, and she slowly breathes in and out a few times. She hasn’t texted yet. “Here, give me your phone.”

She hands it to him. He knows her passcode. He types a message for Cassian and sends.

Kestral: I’m at the pier, location is on. I’m really sorry, can you come to me?

Jyn watches, “He might realize I didn’t write that.”

“Why?” He asks, and he has a small smile.

“The really, and maybe the sorry. I’m . . . I’m not nice. You may have noticed, I can be quite a bitch.” She puts her head on his shoulder.

He laughs a lot this time. Then they stay silent and just watch the boats, her head on his shoulder, her necklace hidden away under her clothes and touching her chest, his arm around her, his goggles perched on his head.

Cassian arrives a little over 20 minutes later. They see him and Bohdi leaves, though he tells Jyn, “You got this,” as he gets up.

Cassian sits where Bohdi was, saying nothing at first because he’s not sure what to say. He can tell Jyn is pretty cold, and she’s going to have a hard time getting back up. He wonders if she’s noticed. “You like watching the boats?” He asks after a couple minutes, making conversation.

“Yeah. They look like ghost ships in the fog,” she explains. I should talk. Come on Jyn, use some words. “I yell sometimes to keep from crying. Crying meant I would be humiliated, so I stopped.”

That explains so much, thinks Cassian. It definitely explains what happened after he stopped her from murdering Mr. Third Floor Insurance Fraud and why and how she yelled at him last night. He puts his arm around her and rubs his hand up and down the outside of her arm, attempting to warm her up and to let her know even though they argued, they are ok. It’s clear she doesn’t know that.

“Bohdi remembers our parents arguing sometimes. I don’t remember much of that, but I remember they were happy. He remembers mama was better with words than papa, but that mama didn’t use that to her advantage. Well, not to win arguments with him. She was patient. I asked how they got back to all right. He said they were good at apologies.”

She closes her eyes and takes some measured breaths. He wonders if he should talk now, but she continues before he decides what to say.

“I don’t know how this works. I was taught, scare the neighbors to stay safe. It, it feels important, but I know I’m not normal. I’m all bullshit and harsh angles, and maybe you should be with someone who’s a better person. I mean, really, what do you see in me?” She turns and looks deep into his eyes.

His eyes widened in confusion as soon as she said I’m bullshit and harsh angles. When she looks at him he looks shocked, and she does not know what that means. “You are not all bullshit and harsh angles. In you, I see a big heart. I see someone who cares a lot and deeply. I see someone who loves deeply, and loves with actions not just with words. I see someone smart. I see someone brave. I see someone who needs a chance. I see someone beautiful. I see someone who I want to know better. I also see someone who is hostile for a reason. I see you, and I love you.”

The description takes her by surprise and she sucks in a sharp breath. She’s shocked. “I love you too.”

“What do you see in me?”

“Someone very brave because you were kind when I was an aggressive asshole. Someone quiet who pays attention, like you always remember when to call me Kestral. I knew you cared early because you always look out for Kay. He reminds me of how Bohdi is different, but you treat Kay like he should be treated. I’ve also since been in your care when injured, and you chose the right profession. You’re really good. You’re fun to be with. You respected me when you didn’t have to. Also, you are the most handsome man I’ve ever seen, but I didn’t notice that until I noticed you and Kay. You’re really good with Bohdi. The fastest way to piss me off is not get my brother, but you comfort him and you tell him this is real when he needs to know, even if he asks over and over, you answer him like it’s normal and the first time he’s asking. You’re strong, you kept me from murdering third floor guy. You’re wonderful, you know that right?”

“So if I’m wonderful, and all those things you said, and you’re also wonderful and all those things I said, I think we can figure the rest out. We just need to remind ourselves of all those things we love about each other everyday.”

“What do you mean?”

“Love doesn’t just happen, you choose each other everyday again and again, remembering why you love the person in the first place. If not, what you love about them early on can turn into things that annoy you about them. I choose you everyday.”

“That’s deep. Do they teach you that in, well, when do they teach you that?”

“My mom told me. After a breakup I asked her about her and my dad. They argued hard sometimes, but they were still quite devoted to each other. I asked her how they stayed together and loved each other even with such passionate arguments. She explained that concept, and a few other things. Both partners choosing each other everyday, so what you love remains what you love, that was important for me to understand.”

“How do you know I’ll do that too?”

“I don’t,” he replies. “Something about you only liking me after you saw my relationship with Kay makes me think you will, but I’m not in charge of your actions, so I don’t actually know.”

That gives Jyn pause. It puts the risk of being in a relationship in better perspective for her. Relationships have inherent risk. He’s taking big risks in being with her. “It’s more than just that though isn’t it? I mean, I’m not only those good things you love about me. I have problems. I’m not good with words, and . . . not yelling,” she states while staring at the water.

“I’ll respect your words, and be patient, and you try to maybe not yell at me quite so loud like yesterday. You’re scary sometimes. When it’s us, it’s ok to cry instead of yell. I will never humiliate you for crying.”

“Aggression is my default factory setting.” And it sounds like she’s not joking, but he looks over and sees her watching the fog with a little sneaky smile on her face.

He laughs then presses his face into her hair and kisses her. “This is beautiful but also very cold. Can you come with me and let’s warm up and sleep, and we sort the rest out later?” Now she finds his eyes again and her fear has returned. He tucks away her flyaways and cards through her hair. “Hey, hey, it will be ok, it really will. You and I, we’re ok. I love you, and I know you love me too. We can do this Spiderwoman.” He gets up and holds out his hand.

She starts to get up too and fuck she is stiff. “Fucking photons, I am an idiot. Shit.” She’s having a hard time moving.

“Shit, wait, lemme help.” He’s back by her side helping her up.

“You’re really nice,” and her voice cracks because he really is and she doesn’t feel she deserves it or know what to do with this amount of kindness. She also shouldn’t yell go away I’ll do it myself right now, even though part of her still wants to.

“Yeah, well, when your girlfriend is Batman and saves you from six bad guys, nice is the least you can do.”

She laughs. Then is serious, “I’m sorry I yelled at you. I should have just talked.”

“Thank you. I’m sorry too. I should have brought it up in a better way.”

She smiles, “Thanks.”

“I think I have a good compromise when it comes to our neighbors.”

She asks, “What is it?”

“How about instead of scaring them purposely, just don’t go be friendly with them? You don’t have to befriend them, and in return I will keep to myself. I won’t go out making friends with them and inviting them over.”

She mulls it over, “I think I can do that. You can be friendly, you don’t have to keep to yourself. Don’t have them over though, like you said.”

“Ok. Hey, we solved it,” he adds, smiling down at her.

She smiles back.

. . .

She is still stiff and cold when they get back. “Jyn, can I warm you up?”

“Yeah.”

“Ok. And you know the best way to do that this time is if we both take most of our clothes off and get under the covers?”

Oh.

He looks apprehensive because he doesn’t want to spook her.

“Let’s do that,” she says and starts stripping.

He does so too before adding, “You don’t have to take - ” everything off, but she’s already taken everything off except for her underpants and climbed under the covers. He does the same and climbing in after her. He pulls her freezing little frame close. She tucks her arms up in front of her chest while he does his best to warm her. He’s about to ask if it’s working as he feels her relax. She’s asleep so he doesn’t get to ask. He adjusts to a more comfortable position and follows soon after.

. . .

“Cassian, Cassian?” He’s clearly having nightmares again. He’s making fearful sounds, and she wonders where he is in his nightmare. “Cassian, wake up, please wake up.”

“No!” As he wakes up he pins her on reflex, and she flips him right back, pinning him on reflex.

That was a mistake and it hurts a lot.

“Fuck, ooowww,” says Jyn, her rib cage screaming in pain. She lets go of Cassian and tries to find a manageable position. Pinning someone was a really bad idea.

“Jyn? Oh no, ok,” Cassian gets his bearings and turns on the lights. Oh shit, he forgot she was topless. They’re both just in underwear. He does his best to help get her into what passes for a comfortable position when her ribs are aggravated. He moves pillows to put against the sides of her ribs which help her breathe when it’s really bad. “I gotcha, ok, we’re ok.”

“Yeah, yeah, we’re ok,” she repeats softly. She’s red, covered in sweat, and doing her best to breathe through the pain.

“Querida, mi amor, you’re safe. Focus on comfortable breaths, in through your nose, out through your mouth. Slow, but only as deep as is comfortable. The pain will subside. You’re safe, take comfortable sized breaths.” His voice lilts and is calming, “Focus on how the air feels when it enters your nose, and how it feels when it exits your mouth. Is the air warm on the way in, does it cool as it passes your lips? Focus on how it feels going in and how it feels going out.”

Her eyes are closed tight, she’s red, and covered in sweat from the intense pain. She tries to focus. She tries, and gets more focused with time. Saw taught her to do this as well because she frequently showed up to practice with injuries from Krennic. It takes awhile before she is able to focus enough to concentrate on the feeling of a breath going in and coming out. It takes all of her attention. She breathes through the pain as it slowly subsides.

At some point Cassian left and came back with ice packs, pain relievers, and water. “I’m gonna prop you up with some more pillows and you tell me when it’s a comfortable position, then we’ll set up ice packs and you can take ibuprofen or acetaminophen.”

She nods yes. Finally she softly tells him, “I didn’t fall in love with you because you’re a nurse,” she stops and takes a few breaths before continuing, “but I’d be lying if I didn’t tell you, I’m so happy you are.” She smiles at him. She’s still beet red from pain.

He kisses her forehead then helps her find a workable position. “Honestly, I am happy I’m a nurse too. So which one of us had a traumatic nightmare this time?”

She tells him, “It was you. You pinned me then I pinned you on reflex.” She pauses. “This isn’t how I planned on being topless and uncovered in the light with you for the first time,” and she pouts while laughing a little because this is absurd.

Cassian has a small laugh too. He points out, “I wasn’t trying to be creepy, but you were technically naked after, well after - ”

“You were definitely not creepy! You kept me covered as much as possible when you checked everything that night. I remember you protecting my modesty. I know you saw everything, but it was different and not all at once or something.” Now she sighs, “I wanted to like, look fancy with my titties up, sexy and all that. It was supposed to be sexy. Then we would do fun stuff, and take each other’s clothes off. I want to touch you everywhere and make you happy.”

“We will definitely still do all of that,” he tells her, some excitement in his voice. Earnestly he adds, “It will still be sexy and fun.”

He’s also happy she felt protected and safe with him that night he brought her to his fifth floor apartment in pieces. He watches her intently, assessing her current state and wondering how often she dealt with stuff like this all alone. In moments like these, Cassian realizes how different this relationship is not just for him, but in general. She’s street smart from her crazy life literally living on the streets, she’s a virgin who definitely was not given enough sex-ed information, she’s battered and describes herself as broken, she’s ridiculously strong, and she doesn't know that arguments will not ruin their relationship. Will she stay once she has enough time to figure out who she is once survival doesn’t take up so much of her focus and energy?

He doesn’t realize she’s staring and assessing right back at first. When he does, he reddens, wondering how well she’s been reading him. She says, “I’m sorry about earlier. I love you Cassian and I want to stay with you as long as you will have me, but my actions yesterday say otherwise.” She feels ashamed that she left for awhile instead of face her feelings. She looks away, “I’ll try harder and do better.”

Now he gets close and back into her space. He cards her hair moving the sweaty strands sticking to her face, then he touches his forehead to hers and runs his hand up and down her arm. “Hey, hey, hey, I know. I’ll try harder and do better too. It was a new experience, and you, me, and Bohdi, we sorted it.”

“I’ll get better at relationship stuff, I’ll work at it, I promise.”

“We’ve met, I know we will both work at it. Love is a promise, not a feeling. I choose you everyday just like you chose me when you said you want to be with me as long as I’ll have you.” He hopes she will stay. “Since I also want to be with you as long as you’ll have me, we’re gonna be there for each other forever. Got it?”

She nods yes, a smile back her face.

“I have an idea, because I think we need a break from serious topics. First I’m gonna grab you some clothes, because you just sweat through a mountain of pain and you’ll start to feel cold soon.”

She’s nearly naked feels like shit and she probably looks like shit too. She starts to feel self conscious then decides she doesn’t have the energy for that. She’s been a big mess like this for at least half an hour and Cassian doesn’t seem to think she looks like crap so why should she?

He continues, “Second, I’ll get my laptop and we are gonna watch the stupidest movie I can find.” He brings her comfy stuff that Leia gave her, and starts to assist her in putting it on. He puts sweats on too.

She’s about to ask about food, but he brings it up first, “ - and food! We can eat here while we watch the movie. What would be comfortable for you to swallow today?”

She takes a careful breath to see how here chest cavity feels. “I think it’s a drinking soup day.”

“Got it, we have that in our fridge.”

He said our again. I don’t pay much yet, and he says our fridge, our food, our place.

Then Cassian just looks at her. She’s semi sprawled out and half sitting up in the only position she could find that hurt the least, surrounded by strategically placed pillows and ice packs while wearing comfy mismatched hand me downs from Leia. He says, “You’re beautiful.” Then he goes to get food and the movie ready.

He chooses the MST3K version of the Wild Wild World of Batwoman. Jyn is practically in shock over how crazy the movie is, “This movie is insane. I didn’t me know they made movies this bad. It’s all over the place!”

“There are a lot more stupid movies we can watch if you like. We have time,” he replies since they plan stay together forever.

Chapter Text

~ March 4th ~

After the scaring the neighbors conversation, and after seeing more into the depths of Jyn’s paranoia, Cassian realizes he has to ask her more questions. It’s time for him to find out exactly who she is hiding from.

On Sunday evening a little over a week later, he decides to find out. He starts with simpler inquiries.

“I have questions,” says Cassian, and when she tenses he immediately adds, “and you don’t have to answer any you don’t want to! I’m just curious.” They are sitting together on the couch, her back to his chest and his arms around her.

She remains a bit tense, but replies, “Ask away.”

“Why were you covered in blood in front of the mail lady and UPS man?”

She starts laughing, “Sorry, the story isn’t funny, but you’ve probably wondered for awhile haven’t you? You have excellent self control. I do not have that much.” Her laughter slows and she thinks a bit. She decides to relay the story. “I was running from some guys who were looking for prostitutes. It was like 5 AM or something. They’re actually pretty hard to find in our city because of all the rules pushing out hungry people. I was not a prostitute, but by then, their group was looking for any homeless looking women.”

Cassian feels a little sick to his stomach now.

“I was far enough ahead of them that they couldn’t see me, but they were persistent and there was no real way out of the area they chased me into. I also fell at one point and my hand and knee were bleeding and dirty, that gave me an idea. I cut my other hand quick and started rubbing blood and dirt all over. I had some bacitracin at my place, so I wasn’t worried. I was however, getting too tired to keep running. I hid by a dumpster and hoped they would pass by without seeing me, but if not, I planned to act crazy enough that they would move on. They went by and didn’t see me. I left and headed back to my apartment a minute later. It took me awhile to get back to our old building. I’m pretty sure the mail carrier and UPS delivery person saw me as I was heading in.”

“That was harrowing, I didn’t realize there were people like that terrorizing people they thought were homeless around here.” He shivers. “Did the bacitracin work?”

“Yeah, I was fine. New scar on my knee, but it wasn’t bigger than any of the others, so I decided it was a win.” She smiles.

“What did you say to them to get them to ask about you later? The UPS man and the mail lady asked about ‘that nice grumpy lady’ sometimes.”

“Really?” That was strange. “After you talked to me, I did my best to remember how to use social skills and looked up how to diffuse situations on Pinterest. I knew being hostile wouldn’t solve things with them. I think I apologized and said I was ok, that being covered in blood happened somewhere else.”

“You’re on Pinterest?”

“Yeah, are you?”

“Yeah, recipes and such. What’s on your page?”

She grabs her phone, “Lemme follow you.” He shows her his page so she can follow him. “Mine is hard to find and it’s mostly tech articles on private boards. My public boards are pretty desserts I’ll never make and survivalist articles.”

She’s showing him her page from her phone, and it really is mostly private boards. He wouldn’t be able to tell it was her page from her avatar and handle. He doesn’t want to get off track even though now he wants to know which desserts she thinks look best because he could make them with her. He will sort that later, for now he gets back to his line of questions. “Next, why did you have to climb down from the roof? I know why you picked my window, because you told me why, but why were you in that situation?”

“I was trying to avoid CCTV cameras, especially those around our building. Someone from my past was in the city for some event.” The person she feared most was in town. She avoids thinking about him as much as possible because the memories that sometimes come with thinking about him are just . . . so bad. She’s starting to wish Cassian hadn’t asked about that early morning. “I ‘borrowed’ an extendable ladder, then went into the building two over from ours and used it as a bridge between each roof. I climbed down to your window when I got to our building. I didn't leave my apartment for two days after that.” She adds more, and it’s as if she thinks the next part is what Cassian would think is the most important, “I did get the ladder off our roof after that and brought it back to where I took it from! I didn’t forget.”

“Jyn, our buildings are not close together! How? Dios mio.” He puts his hand on his face. “That all sounds terrifying.”

“It was not fun.”

“See, to me, this is the scary part. I know you, and you are brilliant, you really are. I know you would not have taken a risk like that unless it was truly worth it. That you chose to take that risk - ” he trails off, he doesn’t have the words.

“I was careful, I promise I didn’t put you in danger!”

“Whoa, I know that! Please do not worry about that.” It crosses his mind that if she thinks her presence puts him in danger she might leave without a trace. That scares him. He holds her closer, her small frame in his arms holding her without wrapping her too tight because she’s still a fucking mess, though she has improved a lot. He doesn’t want to let go. Please don’t run away is what he’s thinking.

She’s confused now, hugs from Cassian feel good, but she has a feeling that this one is a little different. She doesn’t feel trapped, but she suspects he will not let go right now. She quietly says, “It’s ok, I’m still careful, so no need to worry.”

“I know.” He hopes she doesn’t change her mind. “Remember, I have an idea of how ridiculously smart you are. I’m safe with you Batman.” He kisses the top of her head. Now he has to start asking questions that get to what he needs to know. He needs to know who she is hiding from.

Jyn speaks up first, completely derailing him. “I stole your wifi.” Then she sighs, “We’ve been together, for a little over a month. I trust you a lot. You only know some of the reasons why.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I used your wifi for work as soon as I moved into the apartment across the hall. I also looked around in your computer a bit from mine when I started using your wifi. Then I did some background check style stalking. I checked Kay out too. I honestly forgot all about it for awhile.”

Cassian stiffens. He’s floored because he has written deeply personal experiences in his computer to help him work through the death of his father and his time in the military. Some of it is in English and some of it is in Spanish. He and Kay had done special ops that haunt him. Their last mission before they got out of that kind of special ops as soon as possible by becoming military medics instead was the worst of them. His mouth runs dry. “What did you see?”

She’s quiet, and looking down. Eventually she replies, “Some of what you probably didn’t want me to see. I was checking you out since you lived across the way. I didn’t read through everything, I was just looking for red flags that you were a psychopath. I used a proper translator site.” Fuck I feel like such an asshole. “There were no red flags and I got out of your system. Well, I kept using the wifi, but I didn’t snoop in your computer again.”

“How did you forget you did that?”

That’s his question? She turns as best she can in his arms to look him in the eye. “Cassian, by the time I finally stopped listening to that horrible voice in my head telling me all I was was a thing used to hurt people, and actually asked you if I was allowed to have friends, I was starving. I was a mess and couldn’t think properly. I was barely keeping it together. By then, if wasn’t an immediate issue, I forgot about it.”

He has some tears escaping his eyes and leaving tracks down his cheeks, because now there are two forces demanding equal space in his mind. She’s absolutely right about forgetting because he was there. He remembers how lost she looked. He’s also terrified of what she saw. He had done things he found hard to live with. Deep down, he didn’t want those he was close too to know details, only that there were bad missions. Those he was not close to, he wanted them to know nothing. He looks across the room at nothing in particular then closes his eyes, attempting to keep his composure.

Jyn is staring wide eyed in horror. I made him cry? I made him cry. Ok, I’m a horrible person.

He finally opens his eyes and looks deep into hers. He has to know. He sniffs, and asks, “What exactly did you see?”

She reddens and feels terrible. She really wants to lie, but she suspects the consequences of lying right now will be bad and permanent.

Be brave right now, berate yourself later. I can’t believe I made him cry. I’m such an asshole.

“I saw your banking,” it’s true, she did, “and you’re very responsible with money. I saw you write a lot, and did some phrase searches. Then I read a bit, like a sample. It was about a last mission gone wrong, no details of where exactly or when, just that . . . ” she casts about for words because you and your squad accidentally killed a family with children when you raided the wrong house is something that her mouth apparently refuses to say. She begs, “Please don’t make me say it.”

He must feel terrible, she should explain why what she read didn’t make her see him as a bad person, but there are memories in her mind that she keeps carefully compartmentalized. They’re not secret, but they are truly nothing she needs to share. They fit into the outline of what Cassian already knows. She has already skirted close to them today when she told Cassian she was hiding from someone from that old company, the one she fears most. She quickly weighs how much she can tell him while keeping the memories in place. They are already closer to the surface than usual. When they come out it can take days for her to become functional again. She remembers Cassian wrote that he felt he was a monster. She starts pleading, “Cassian, I’ve been with people who have no problem causing serious harm to children on purpose. I’ve been in the care of true monsters, and you are no monster.”

“God damn it, you managed to read about the worst mission in your random sample?” And she said she used a decent translator site and not a catchall site.

Shit, he might kick me out, he’s angry, I messed up bad didn’t I. “I don’t know how to do this!” She says louder than she means to. This conversation hurts. “I do know you’re a good person.” She still wants to be with him as long as he will have her, but she worries maybe he won’t want to have her anymore.

That is not something she needs to worry about. Cassian closes his eyes, covers them with one hand and growls. It’s not at her it’s at the world and himself. He can tell she’s scared and confused. Hell, he’s also scared and confused. He wipes his eyes and looks at her hard. His mind is warring. He tucks away some of her flyaways hoping to convey that while he’s distraught they are ok.

She decides it’s an opening. She turns fully to him and wraps her arms around him tight. His head is on her shoulder, then he realizes it’s her bad shoulder, the one that hasn’t healed yet, tries to correct it, but she’s holding him very tight and he can’t.

He takes some deep breaths. She said he’s not a monster, that she’s met real monsters. He knew they’d physically abused her, but he and his squad had accidentally killed children in that botched raid. He asks, “How do you know they’re real monsters and I’m not?” He asks because he’s curious, because how on earth could she read what he did and not think he was a monster? He has no idea of the unholy hell about to be released in her mind.

Because the monsters made me watch.

When that statement crosses her mind, the memories in all their visceral horrendous glory decide to follow it. She can’t dance away from them anymore, they come rushing back to the surface of her mind.

She knew because they made her watch. Krennic was cruel and ordered people to be hurt and hurt her, but the enforcer, Vader, was the one they called in to cause absolute terror. Horrific memories of others being tortured run in her mind. They videoed when they tortured others so they could then show people like her what they would do to her and her father if they didn’t do what the company wanted.

Jyn knew in gruesome detail exactly what would be done to her and her father by Vader if they crossed their new overlords.

When she was eight, they made sure she knew how Vader would slowly torture, permanently maim, and then kill her if she or her father got out of line. They had no qualms with having anyone tortured, even children. She knew that for a fact. Right now it’s replaying in her mind on a horrible loop. She never forgets, but she compartmentalizes, keeping the memories at a distance in her mind. She can usually keep them there. She has to.

She knows they didn’t make Bohdi watch any, thank god, just her and her father.

She’s going to be sick.

She lets go of Cassian, and makes a mad dash for the bathroom, half walking then crawling. She vomits violently.

Her ribs scream in pain as she loses track of what’s happening around her. She forgets where she is, who is around, and how old she is. She might be eight or sixteen or a hundred. It doesn’t matter. It’s just going to be this for awhile, the pain doesn’t matter. What she saw, their faces in terror, and the face of the monster who did it to them, will replay in her mind for some indefinite amount of time now, and eventually subside. Sometimes it’s hours, sometimes it’s a week. It doesn’t matter whether she can physically handle it or not. Nothing matters now.

She keeps vomiting, keeps remembering, starts shaking, there is nothing else.

In reality, she’s crying out in physical pain while throwing up and shaking because it’s too much pressure on her rib cage. Cassian tries to help, to get any response at all. He gets none.

She doesn’t know he’s here.

What the fuck did those monsters put her through. Now he understands more. She knows what the real monsters do because the monsters showed her. That’s the only thing that could cause her to react like this. Whatever they showed must have been worse than what he did since she already knew about that. She had to have been a small child when they showed her.

He can’t help her, this is way past what he can handle on his own. He calls Churrit and begs him for help. Churrit and Baze arrive minutes later. Jyn is still dry heaving and making sounds like a wounded animal. Cassian fills them in on way more details than Jyn would be comfortable with, he’ll deal with that later.

Churrit requires one more piece of information before heading over to her. “Tell me her real name.”

Cassian has worked with Churrit and been friends with him for a long time, he trusts him completely. “Her name is Jyn Erso.”

Churrit gets to work. He crouches down next to her. He takes both of her shoulders and Cassian cringes because that must hurt like a motherfucker. One of them is fine but the other is still an issue. She reacts with a loud long deep scream aimed at nothing and everything. She does take in a sharp breath and stops dry heaving. Churrit moves his hands to the sides of her arms instead, slowly turning her towards him.

“Jyn Erso? Where are you right now?” Churrit asks using a gentle yet commanding voice.

“Mmm-mmm-U.S. sir,” she answers while shaking.

That’s not great, why is she calling me sir? She should not be calling anyone sir right now, but at least she’s answering. “Jyn, it’s Churrit. I’m going guide you back here.”

She breathes too deep for comfort and she moves like a small scared child trying to remain hidden. She doesn’t reply with words or nodding, she just slowly grabs Churrit’s sleeves tighter and tighter, trying to pull herself closer to him.

She wishes Mama or Papa could come pick her up.

Churrit nods towards Cassian and Baze wordlessly asking them to come to Jyn and him. When they get there he tells them, “Sit, I’m going to get her back and we’ll need to be close so she can hide instead of run.”

They do as Churrit asks crouching down beside her. Cassian sits on one side of her and Baze sits on the other. Churrit is still in front of her and a wall is behind her. She’s shaking in fear or exhaustion, probably both.

Cassian understands that it’s technically good that he knows about this part of her past, but this is a whole other level of horrifying. She hasn’t said anything, but it’s clear to him that her “caretakers” must have threatened her. They purposely made sure she knew what harm they were willing to do to people, to children, to her. This all happened after her mother was killed in front of her when she was eight. She was right, they were monsters. He decides he’s going to take some days off and just be here with her. He can’t leave her here like this. He rarely takes days off and he often fills in for others when asked, so it shouldn’t be a problem.

Jyn is sweating buckets. Cassian wets two cloths, and hands one to Baze. They gently wipe her brow and the back of her neck. She flinches slightly but doesn’t run. Some part of her realizes she is hidden away by the three of them.

Churrit continues with his gentle and commanding voice, “Jyn, it’s Churrit. You are with me, Cassian, and Baze. It’s just us. Who are you with?”

Question. Asked question. Answer question, “Churr-ch-Churr-itt,”

“Yes, good job, who else.”

“Cass - ” breathe, “Cass-ian,”

“Good job, one more,”

“Doc-nice-B-b-Baze.”

“Yes, you are with Churrit, Cassian, and Baze. Do you know what room you are in.”

“No?” She says in a small high pitched voice. Does it matter? She remembers to actually take in her surroundings while her mind is on visceral overdrive. “Wait . . . yeah.”

“Which room?” Churrit repeats the question.

She opens her eyes, grabs at him, becoming more frantic, “Churrit, Churrit, they’re not gonna stop until they stop.”

“What room are we in?”

“No, that’s not the point. Loo, it’s a loo. It is . . . there’s a toilet, a sink, but this happens. Churrit, it’s happened before, remembering, it has to run its course, runs and runs.” She takes in a sharp breath, her rib cage, stomach, throat, and shoulder feel awful. Her eyes dart all over the place much faster than usual. The memories continue running wild in her mind.

She finally lets go of Churrit, scoots back to the wall, tucks her legs up to her chest, covers her face with both hands, and cries hard. She stops shaking and just cries, resigned to what’s happening.

At least she’s somewhat aware again.

From behind her hands and through tears she says, “Those kids, those people, they never deserved that. They didn’t. They, I, it’s - there are these monsters out there. The killer, his scary face in my mind. His awful mask. The people he hurt, the look in their eyes when they realize he’s about to end them after they’ve already been tortured and tortured and tortured, been cut up, been torn apart, I can’t forget them. He took them apart. He took them apart! He was gonna take me apart! He was gonna take Papa apart! I can’t forget their faces, their pain, I can’t forget any of them!”

Baze and Cassian look over her at each other, both of them are shocked and horrified. They knew it was bad, but it’s worse than they ever imagined.

“Would anyone else remember them?” Asks Churrit.

“I don’t know. I’ll never forget though, so, so there’s that.”

“Ok, there’s that.”

“They said they would take me and Papa apart of we didn’t do what they wanted. We knew, we knew, we knew exactly how they would do it, every detail burned into our brains forever. They didn’t show Bo, he didn’t see it.”

Suddenly she’s frantic again, grabbing onto Churrit, trying to make him understand. “If they’re here, if they find us, we’ll run. We have to run. I can’t let them take you apart, I can’t let them take Cassian apart, I can’t let them take Bohdi apart. I can’t do this, I can’t do this.” She’s looking around frantically like she’s looking for an escape.

They crowd in closer, helping her hide from demons only she can see.

“Jyn - ” says Churrit gently.

“I can’t do this - ” tears feel like they will flow forever.

“Jyn - ” Churrit keeps trying to converse.

She grabs at his arms and sleeves, frantic, trying to get close. She’s shaking, not sobbing anymore, but tears keep coming. She’s a child looking for someone to hide her like a parent should. “I can’t Churrit, I can’t - ”

“Can’t what?” His voice is gentle and strong.

“I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know. Can’t, can’t talk, can’t talk.”

The only part of this that is going in their favor is that she feels she has to respond to authoritative tones, and that’s not great, thinks Churrit. She’s back to responsive, this might be all he can do for her for now. He thinks she will shut down for awhile. Maybe he can get some information before that happens.

“Who was your father forced to work for?” Asks Churrit. Cassian gave him a lot of information and it’s time to try get to the bottom of this.

“I don’t wanna, I don’t, I don’t wanna talk more, can I, can I stop talking if I tell you?”

“Do you mean you want a break from talking about this or a break from speaking altogether until you’re ready.”

“Second, second one. Second choice, please? I’ll be good, I promise.”

Churrit worries she’s slipping away, “You don’t have to be good. You’re in your home you share with Cassian. You have a home here, you are home. You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to. I understand that you want a break from speaking. I’m sure Cassian understands too, right?”

That does not sound good to him, but if it helps her, he is for it. “Yes, you don’t have to speak until you’re ready. I’m gonna take the next few days off, I’ll be here.” I am not leaving you alone.

Churrit asks again, “Who was your father forced to work for?”

“I won’t let them get you!” She tells Churrit, sudden force in her voice.

“I know Jyn, I know,” he replies gently. “Who was your father forced to work for?”

She’s quiet, she doesn’t like saying their name. Eventually she forces it out, “D. S. E. Imperial Corporation.”

That explains everything.

Bohdi and Jyn’s state and situation now makes much more sense to Cassian, Churrit, and Baze.

She shuts down almost completely. Churrit holds on and talks to her attempting to get her mind more under her control, but she’s barely responsive.

Cassian feels terrified and broken. The logo of that company is a permanent fixture in his nightmares. His father was killed by one of their weapons. His military days featured many of their weapons on every side of every conflict.

That company was known for being unethical and doing whatever it wanted to by anyone who had dealt with them, but until now he didn’t know the depths of their depravity. He suspected they just blackmailed people well, not this. He had wondered why anyone would work for them in the past. He didn’t know they tortured children and adults to keep employees and possibly others in line in a monstrous show of power.

And they showed this to Jyn, when she was EIGHT! How could they subject her to this?

Now he also knows that if Jyn disappears because “he’s better off without her,” it won’t be because she feels too broken for him, it will be because she thinks he will be tortured if she doesn’t. He would do the same if their roles were reversed. The revelation makes his heartache.

Later the three of them walk an unresponsive Jyn to bed before Cassian sees Churrit and Baze out. Cassian comes back and lays next to her. She moves as close to him as humanly possible while curled up on herself.

She falls into a deep sleep while wrapped up in his arms as he silently cries himself to sleep.

Chapter Text

It’s not like getting the silent treatment. Cassian had an ex who gave him the silent treatment for all kinds of supposed indiscretions and slights making him “guess” what he had done to deserve such treatment. It was exhausting and he didn’t want to date anyone like her again. He didn’t date for awhile after that, not until Jyn.

This is nothing like that. For one, Jyn is not angry. She is out of it sometimes, but when she isn’t, she is helpful, and somewhat engaged. She just doesn’t speak. He can even see that sometimes she wants to, but literally can’t get words out.

The first day she appears at his side and starts drying dishes when he is washing them. She is in and out, sometimes she’s visibly responsive, sometimes she shuts down completely.

Sometimes she shakes uncontrollably whether she is out of it or not. When she does, Cassian hugs her and she doesn’t pull away.

He’s figured out one of the reasons she’s like this. She is twenty four and has never spoken of many traumatic parts of her past out loud to anyone. Now it comes out little by little, about her family, about threats, and it’s extremely difficult to get through. She is wading through it as an adult who missed working through anything remotely like this as a child. He knows she is strong and she will get through it though he’s not sure how long that will take. He wants to help and be there while she does. He doesn’t know what to do or how to help other than to be there. What happened to her and what haunts her is so bad, he feels useless.

She’s spending all her mental energy recompartmentalizing. Not speaking is a side effect of her process. To her, Cassian being there is more than enough.

Bohdi realizes something is wrong when Jyn doesn’t check in. Baze, Cassian, and Churrit try to convince him not to come over. He makes it clear he has been there when she’s stopped talking and interacting before, and that he really can help. He won’t make it worse. They are afraid they’ll both get worse. They also don’t know what to do, and Bohdi seems confident.

Bohdi and Jyn don’t know the worst of what the other went through, and they like it that way, but they help each other through the after effects. Bohdi tells Cassian, “I won’t stay long, I promise I’ll be helpful. I know what to do.” He asks Hera for a ride to pick up some groceries first.

When he comes in, Jyn is out of it. He says, “Hello Stardust,” and puts his hand on hers. She doesn’t react at all.

This might be worse than usual.

He talks to her more. “I’m going to make soup. It’s my mum’s recipe. I would love for you to help me.” She doesn’t react, and that’s ok.

He starts to ask Cassian where a cutting board and pans are, but suddenly she’s at his side helping him find them. He gives instructions, she follows them. Bohdi realizes Cassian doesn't know what to do so he asks him to cook with them.

“Jyn, I’ll have you do the tasks that you can do with the air cast on ok?” Says Bohdi. She nods yes.

A little later when she drops what she’s doing on the counter suddenly and starts shaking, Bohdi holds her tight and doesn’t say anything. Cassian realizes Bohdi is holding her tight enough that that it’s like he’s a weighted blanket. When she stops shaking, Bohdi asks, “All set Stardust?” She nods yes, and they go back to cooking.

They eat together, and Bohdi keeps up a conversation with Cassian about the area, what parks there are, how close they are to the city beach, and what activities they can do nearby for free. He asks Jyn yes or no questions, and she responds to a little over half of them.

Cassian starts doing dishes, Bohdi dries them, and Jyn puts them away.

Afterwards, Bohdi gets ready to head out. He talks to her first. “Hey, I’m gonna go. I’ll come back for a little while tomorrow, ok?” She nods. Then he puts a little notebook and pencil by her. “For later when you’re ready.”

She smiles at Bohdi, it’s a small smile.

Bohdi leaves.

Then he texts Cassian.

Bohdi: you can talk to her and tell her what’s happening. If you need an answer ask a yes or no question. Do not call her Stardust, it is not a romantic nickname.

She sleeps like the dead that night.

She wakes up shaking and sweating. When Cassian puts his arms around her, she curls up on herself and burrows into him, getting as close as possible. He murmurs comforting words into her hair in Spanish while holding her tight like Bohdi did. The shaking subsides eventually, and she hugs him back when she starts to uncurl.

Bohdi was right, she doesn’t mind Cassian talking to her. He says, “I’m going to make cinnamon cookies. I would love if you helped, if you want to.” It’s a recipe that reminds him of his mom and his childhood home.

She doesn’t seem to hear him, so he starts making them alone, but then she’s there at his side, watching, helping, and following his instructions.

The cookies remind her of Mama, so she thinks about Mama. She misses Mama. Those kids had Mamas. The cookies make her feel happy and sad.

Bohdi brings a deck of cards in the middle of the day, and they play a game while sitting on the floor. Midway through Jyn realizes something is wrong with the cards and grabs them all to count them. There are only fifty! She silently tackles Bohdi, he’s laughing. Now she grabs the pad of paper and uses it for the first time.

————

Which cards did you take out?

————

“Which cards? What do you mean?”

She checks, a king and queen are missing.

He pulls them out of his pocket, and she gives him the best faux angry look she can muster while trying not to laugh. They play the game with all the cards and end in a draw.

“See you later Stardust,” he says when he leaves.

Cassian brings her a sandwich around dinner time. “Can you sit with me on the couch and we can binge a funny show together?” She nods yes.

After awhile he asks, “Is Stardust a special family nickname?” She nods, and burrows into his side. The memory is a good one.

She is completely out of it later that night and goes to sleep on the floor. For some reason, today it feels wrong to move her so Cassian brings their pillows and blankets to her. He sleeps on the floor with her.

He wakes up with her hand cupping his cheek. She’s watching him.

He says, “Good morning. Would you like to stay right here together or would you like get up?”

She pulls herself closer and tight against him. He wraps her up in his arms and kisses her forehead. He tells her, “I like this choice too.” He feels a kiss on his collarbone, then she stills again.

That day, she doesn’t shut down or shake much. Bohdi comes over and has her help him fix engine parts stripped from an older vehicle.

She wants to talk and comment now, and she’s getting really frustrated that words just won’t come out.

She grabs paper and a pencil to ask Bohdi about the parts. He answers her questions, getting her to use the paper and pencil more.

He leaves in the afternoon.

She helps Cassian cook then dries dishes later.

That night, when he’s changing, she stops him before he puts a shirt on. She touches his brow, then caresses the side of his face. She tries to draw him closer and he gets the hint, leaning in to kiss her. It’s a simple kiss, but they both react with deep need.

She moves forward pushing them towards the bed and he takes her shirt off leaving her in a thin tank top. They reach the bed, and leave the lights on because while she’s gotten a lot better it helps to see what still looks like it hurts. Sabine has redone her kinesiology tape a few times, she doesn’t have as much of it on anymore. It’s mostly around one shoulder. She’s in two air casts as well, and her ribs are still healing.

Jyn feels his chest and back with her hands, she wants to feel all of his exposed skin.

When the back of his knees hit the bed, he sits and she straddles him. She involuntarily grinds down on him when he kisses down her neck. She reacts bodily without a sound because she can feel he’s erect under her and she’s surprised at how electric she feels from the friction even with their clothes on.

Cassian looks back up and watches her. He sees feelings washing over her face, and then he sees her trying to speak. She still can’t and it’s frustrating her.

“Paper and pencil?” He asks.

First she shakes her head no because she doesn’t want to move, but then she nods yes and goes to find them.

She gets back and straddles him then writes while she rolls her hips.

————

Feels amazing

————

“What does?” He’s pretty sure he knows, but being very communicative right now is important.

————

You and me, I feel a lot. I feel you’re dick is hard under me, and I’m turned on

————

“I can tell you’re enjoying this because you’re really wet.”

————

Is that good?

————

“Yes, that’s really good,” he answers, enthusiasm in his voice. He wants more. What he really wants is to devour her and have his name be all she remembers while she gasps and shakes as an orgasm goes through her, but he hasn’t even asked if he can feel her up let alone if he can put his hands and mouth on every part of her body memorizing it, drawing out every reaction, every sound, figuring out how many ways he can get her to feel wonderful, to orgasm hard, so he’ll have to wait.

“Jyn,” his voice is husky, she shivers at the way he says her name. “I’ll always stop when you ask me to stop.”

She nods yes in agreement, takes his face in her hands kissing him hard and deepening it.

He pulls back enough to ask, “Can I take your shirt off?”

She looks at his eyes, and he definitely wants her. She’s being careful not to breath too deep, not wanting to aggravate her ribs. She wants him too, she wants all of him. She emphatically nods yes.

He takes it off, over her head, and she’s beautiful. He kisses her and feels her tongue at his lips. She’s doing much better, and many of her bruises have disappeared, he’s still careful when he holds her close feeling her exposed body on his.

He pulls his lips away, then puts them by her ear and quietly says, “I want to put my hands and lips on your body,” then runs his hands all the way her side for emphasis on where exactly he is thinking about. “Would you like that? Would that be ok?”

He feels her emphatically nodding yes, so he keeps one arm around her, and his other hand explores her side while he kisses her. His roaming hand gets closer to her breast. He takes it in his hand and brushes her nipple with his thumb and forefinger, and she reacts, this is definitely new for her. Her back arches.

Now he can feel her breathing deeper, and it’s only been a little over a month since she was beaten up. She can still aggravate her ribs.

He stops moving, she notices soon after and stops as well. Their eyes meet. “Jyn, you’re so fucking gorgeous. You’re body is fantastic. I want to make you come and feel lost in bliss with me. I want to memorize every part of you. And I want to do that right now, but that will involve heavy breathing which will hurt.”

He’s right. She drops her forehead to his.

Cassian adds, “I don’t think either of us wants to stop, but can we stop for now anyway? I want to make you come hard and forget everything but us, but I want to wait until you can breath deep again. It will be a lot more fun that way.”

————

That sounds really fucking hot. I can wait. I love you Cassian.

————

They both change into the least sexy stuff they can find in a desperate attempt to take down the heat.

After she asked if being wet was a good thing, he has new questions. “Have you dated before?”

She shakes her head no.

“Have you wanted to date before?”

She shakes her head no. She touches his chest, then holds up her index finger.

“I’m the first person you’ve dated and the first one you’ve wanted to date?”

She grabs her paper.

————

Yes, I never felt like this until you.

————

Something big dawns on him. “And all this was after you saw my computer.”

She nods yes.

He leans over and kisses her forehead.

Jyn writes something more. Cassian sees her doing what she usually does when she has a question she’s embarrassed to ask.

He tries to get her to make eye contact, and tucks her flyaways behind her ear. It’s an excuse to card her hair, because that usually relaxes her. She hands him the paper.

————

Tell me what happened after the really bad mission.

————

“I don’t think it’s a good time to talk about this,” he replies.

Her face immediately changes, a mix of anger, fear, and loss. She starts writing, then holds it up.

————

I’m not fragile! I’m not weak!

————

“Whoa, I know you are not weak! You are very strong! There is no questioning that.” He gets closer, his hands on the outside of her arms.

She taps the word fragile.

“Jyn, we’re all fragile sometimes, at least I am.”

That stops her, she stares, reading his expression. She starts to write

————

I’m,

————

then stops.

He tries to get to the heart of the issue. “Why do you want me to tell you about that mission.”

She starts writing,

————

Talking about things, it’s when in a

————

Then crumples the paper and throws it violently. Tries to speak. Can’t speak. She writes more.

————

I’m bad with words

————

“Then try again. You don’t need to rush.”

She stares with her eyes narrowed. She looks back down at her paper. She looks back up at him, this time there is need in her eyes.

“You look like you want something but you don’t know what it is.”

She nods yes.

“Come here,” and he holds her again, her back to his chest.

It takes her awhile, but she eventually writes what she wants.

————

It’s important that we are both allowed to share. The relationship works if we can both share. You are allowed to share too.

————

He stares at the paper, and eventually says, “You’re right. I just don’t want to talk about it in general, with anyone, but that’s not a real excuse. You’re right.” She turns looking into his eyes. He catches her gaze and narrows his eyes at her before saying, “I’m not an expert at this relationship stuff.” He suspects she thinks he is.

Then he just looks incredibly sad, “I left special ops to become a military medic after a bad mission. We went to the wrong house. We went to the wrong house. We went to the wrong house. We did what we were told, but it was the wrong house. There were five people inside, two adults, and three - “ he pauses, “I don’t want to say it - ”

“ - You don’t have to. I’m so sorry that happened, that you went through that.”

“Dios mio, querida I missed your voice.” He grabs her holding her tight, she holds him tight too.

“I’m sorry.” She’s crying, “I’m sorry.”

“Whoa, you don’t need to be sorry, why are you sorry?”

“I’m sorry that happened to that family, I’m sorry it happened to you and your squad, that it haunts you and Kay. I’m sorry I’m such a fucked up mess, you’re so perfect and I’m a mess of a girlfriend. I just, I’m sorry, I must be exhausting.”

He doesn’t want to spend time arguing to convince her point by point because that feels like it will waste time and be a long battle. He backs up looking deep into her eyes. He decides to get to the point instead. “You are the strongest human I’ve ever met, and I’m so happy I did.” He hugs her tight again, says a lot of words in Spanish by her ear, giving her goosebumps by default, before backing up and framing her face in his hands, looking into her eyes with an intensity that she feels in her soul. “I’ve done things I find hard to live with, and you waltz in and make it my life so much better. I love you Jyn Erso. I’m not kidding when I tell you I want to be with you always.”

“I love you Cassian Andor.” She feels some of his tension melt when she says those words. She adds his and her other favorite, “I want to be with you as long as you’ll have me.”

“I told Churrit your name.”

“You told him a lot more than that, but I understand why. All is forgiven as long as Baze keeps calling me grumpy.”

He laughs. He stills then asks, “Are you ok?” The real question is, how do I ask without triggering the memories.

“I never forget, I just . . . it won’t happen often. It can’t.” Does he understand? “I wasn’t hiding them, they’re, they’re different.”

“I understand.”

“Is that enough?”

“Yes,” he replies. He doesn’t add that he planned to ask who exactly she was hiding from because Churrit got her to tell them.

She says, “Thank you for staying with me.”

He kisses her, deepens it, and holds her. He doesn’t try to take it farther. She doesn’t either. He just kisses her then keeps her close. She kisses him back, being in his arms is warmth and comfort.

It’s just the two of them hidden away from the world holding each other close.

Chapter Text

~ March 9th ~

——Second Return Transmission——

To the Rookery,

Are you watching out for the old corrupt bird seed company? They have deployed bad products everywhere. Please be careful and stay hidden so they don’t ruin your small business.

Someone left something in their bird seed to expose its effects. I don’t know how to get to it, from where I am, but I think you know someone who could.

Music from the Lyre Harp really is so lovely.

How safe do you think these transmissions with customer service are? Can you explain why they are safe?

- The Wind Mill

——End Transmission——

What the hell does that mean? Is Jyn’s first thought. She goes to see Bohdi.

“I got another message. Some of it’s weird,” she tells him once she’s in his room and the door is closed.

He looks it over. “It is weird, but what part are you talking about specifically?”

“Well the part where they ask us to be careful! We’re ridiculously careful.”

“They don’t really know that. We’ve had little contact with dad for sixteen years. You and Saw knew each other for eight years, but that was also eight years ago. They don’t know we’re paranoid and smart. They don’t know I’m a really good mechanic and that your a freaking math and coding genius.”

“I am not!”

“You’re full of shit. You can’t lie to me like that.”

She reddens. Taking compliments is not one of her strengths. “I’m not - whatever. You’re probably right, they don’t know we’re good at being safe.” She huffs at that last part.

Bohdi is still rereading. “So they’re asking who programmed this, because that person might be able to break into dad’s original programming?”

“I guess so - ”

“ - don’t tell them it’s you.”

“Why?”

“I don’t think dad will tell you more if he thinks you will be the one to exploit whatever he left in his code. I don’t mean you should be the one exploiting it! I just mean, I don’t think we should let him know yet.”

“Ugh, parents protecting their children,” says Jyn rolling her eyes in an exaggerated way. “What do we write back? I think we can’t send it for a few days this time.”

“I guess say how our ‘friend’ set up all this encryption? Dad wants to know how safe it is right? Maybe he won’t be so cryptic if he understands.”

“I made the messages cryptic mostly to figure out if it’s them. The setup is safe, I guess much safer than they realize.” She realizes she should check, but that will involve disappearing for a few days.

Bohdi’s staring. “Are you going to check? Can you wait until you’re, well, out of this stuff?” He indicates towards her air casts.

She grumbles at him, “Mind reader. Yeah, all right, I’ll wait.”

“Leave Cassian a note when you do.”

“I will.”

“You better!”

. . .

Kay and Cassian are driving to Elle Three for work. Cassian has been out of the ER for days. “Cassian?” Asks Kay.

“Hmmm?” He replies.

“You’re despondent. Why are you despondent after taking days off? What happened?”

Cassian looks at his best friend. He doesn’t need to explain, but he wants to. “It’s just, you and I went through some shit. I feel guilty about what happened. I’ve felt messed up for a long time. Then there’s Jyn. I just found out in great detail that she’s been through things that are much worse than anything I went through. She’s truly been through some shit. I feel inadequate and helpless. I don’t know what to do for her.”

Kay thinks about it. “How much does it bother you?”

“What do you mean?”

“How much does it bother you that you can’t help her?”

He’s not sure how to answer that. “A lot?”

“I don’t think that will change. Maybe you should break up with her.”

“I don’t - how can you suggest that?” Cassian feels hurt.

“Because you can’t fix her, that’s why. If you can’t find a way to accept that, you should break up with her now. Also, I didn’t say I WANT you to break up with her. You two seem happy.”

“I hadn’t looked at it that way. I don’t want to break up with her, but should she be with someone better? Someone who can help her?”

“Cassian, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, she doesn’t want to be with someone else, she wants to be with you. Plus, I think all you’re meant to do is be there. Can you do that?”

“Yes.”

“Then you’re fine.” He adds, “You should probably talk to Churrit.”

“Yeah, I’ll do that.”

“When?”

“Kay, I will. I promise I will.”

“You better.”

Cassian doesn’t want to talk about this anymore, but he’s still glad he did. Kay’s perspective has been enlightening. He decides to change the subject. “How are you and Monique?”

“We’re happy. I like being with her and she likes being with me. We’ve even had sex, that was new for me.”

“You don’t have to tell me about that!”

Chapter Text

~ March 11th ~

A few days later, while Jyn is finishing up washing dishes because she doesn’t have to wear an air cast on her hand and wrist anymore, she has happy news to share with Cassian. “Cassian, Lando’s gotten me quite a few jobs, and they all pay.”

Cassian walks over and starts drying the dishes. “I don’t think Lando would send anyone your way who he thought wouldn’t pay. Lando’s a good friend.”

“Yeah he is! I can help with rent and other expenses now!”

“Wait, how about build up a cushion for a month or two then help?”

“But I want to help now.”

“I know that, how about some savings anyway?”

She narrows her eyes at him while pressing her mouth into a thin line. “I’ll think about it.” She wants to be helpful. He’s done so much for her, she doesn’t think she’ll ever be able to repay him properly, but he’s not wrong about savings giving her piece of mind.

He also decides to change the subject. He has questions.

“Am I really your first crush? Not just first significant other?”

“Yeah. Is that bad?”

“No, just different,” he replies. He’s wondered since she asked if being wet was good if she’s ever even seen porn or masturbated. She clearly likes their intimate moments, quite a lot, and he wants to know more. Him being her first crush has also thrown him off. She’s twenty four.

She finishes washing dishes then looks at him hard, trying to read his face or his mind, he’s not sure anymore. She finally tells him, “Just be blunt. You don’t have to be this tactful. I don’t mind if you’re blunt with me.”

He’s not sure he wants to be blunt. “Being to the point wasn’t great when I brought up not scaring the neighbors.”

She starts to redden, and wants to say some angry words to defend herself but swallows them. “Yeah, sorry about that,” she decides to say quietly instead. “How about this time just ask me what you want to ask me about my past lack of intimate partners. I’ll be nice.”

Now he feels bad that he embarrassed her. He didn’t mean to. He reminds himself that this is also how relationships work, learning to communicate better takes time and involves making mistakes. “I was caught off guard when you asked if being wet was good and also by being your first crush. Those aren’t bad things, just different and brought up questions.”

“Ummm . . . you can ask them, it’s ok.”

Now he’s getting red, this feels awkward. He will start with a less awkward question. “Did you get to attend high school?”

She smiles, quite pleased, “You didn’t go through any of my stuff.” Honestly she couldn’t blame him if he had. She had gone through his computer for fuck’s sake. “Saw made sure I graduated high school. It was on the go, homeschool style, because he told Krennic I had a chance at the Olympics with more training. That was not true, but it got me out and with him more. I graduated at sixteen, there is a high school diploma in my pile of papers. Bohdi and I have informally sat in on college classes, done all the work and that, but I’ve never gotten actual college credits or anything. Next question!”

“Ok! As you wish. I can’t be the only kind human man you’ve met, how am I your first crush?”

“You’re right, I’ve met kind people, even ones that are my age. I still never felt like this until you.”

She decides to try to explain, “The guy who killed mum had a weird obsession with me. He never acted on it, but I found it creepy and sort of shut that part of me down very early on. On the run wasn’t a great place for crushes, dating, kissing, or fucking, so I just left it all shut down. I still had it shut down when I got a crush on you, so you’re quite special.” She steals a kiss. “Next question.”

“So, did you ever look at porn or masturbate before?”

“No. I didn’t want to awaken anything, plus, there wasn’t time. We were homeless a lot, often near other homeless people, so not much privacy. It seemed best to stay away from all of that,” she answers in a low quiet voice. This time there is loss in her voice because from age eight and onwards how to survive has taken up the majority of her thoughts. She tries not to dwell on how long it’s been and how much longer she will have to do this because that leaves her feeling depressed.

They’re still standing by the sink, so he wraps her in his arms and kisses her temple.

“Should I watch porn and masturbate?” She asks.

“I honestly have no idea. Did Saw give you the talk?”

She laughs, Saw was a specific kind of conservative and overly straight laced. “Bohdi did.” She pauses, “Bohdi’s dated. He’s had boyfriends and girlfriends. Not all at once though!”

Cassian pulls back his arms still around her to look into her eyes. “Bohdi doesn’t simultaneously date a bunch of people? Really?” They share a small laugh. “Was the talk accurate?”

“Yeah, not a lot of detail, I mean I was sixteen or seventeen so he was eighteen or nineteen. Not a lot of experience.”

Cassian starts migrating them to the couch, because sitting back with their feet off the floor and her leaning back on him so he can hold her close and card through her hair is one of his favorite activities, and it seems to be one of hers as well.

As they sit, Jyn is wondering about a few things, “You’ve dated, but you said you haven’t dated often. Have you had boyfriends and girlfriends? Wait, are dating and significant others the same? Fuck, I am way to old to know so little.”

“They overlap a lot. I was attempting to go on a date the day we were both at Finn’s Cafe, because I could not stop thinking about you and I did not think you were at all interested in me.” She turns to find his eyes. She looks surprised. “Thankfully the date didn’t show up.” The sides of her mouth tick up a little at that comment.

“How do grownups find dates?”

“You run into them at full speed after stopping a domestic abuser.” They both laugh at that, remembering their early interactions. “I tried Tinder for the date at Finn’s. It’s off my phone now.”

“Someone saw your photo, and they were like, this guy, I’m gonna skip a date with this guy? Whoever they are, they are crazy.” She can’t believe it. “You’re kind and you’re incredibly gorgeous, you know that right? You’re like . . . the best one. I’m ridiculously lucky.”

“Don’t sell yourself short. I’m ridiculously lucky too. Dating a beautiful fierce Spiderwoman.” And now he can’t resist anymore, kissing her hard, deepening it.

“Wait, have you had - Cassian!”

“Kisses, not questions!”

“Ahh!” She’s laughing. “I wanted to ask about your girlfriends and boyfriends.”

“Fine,” he answers with faux over the top frustration. “I mean it’s not like I just asked you a bunch of invasive questions.” Internally he notes that he hasn’t spoken about his past dating life in awhile. “I’ve had some one night stands, not a lot, but some. I’ve had four girlfriends, and like Bohdi, not all at once. The last one was over a year ago, and was not good.”

“What happened?”

“Anytime I did something that made her mad, and the list of what made her mad was an ever growing changing one, she would give me the silent treatment for days and pretend I wasn’t there. Then I had to ‘guess’ what I did wrong and needed to be taught a lesson for before begging for forgiveness.” He feels her tense and sees her about to speak so he adds, “It was nothing like when you couldn’t talk! That was completely different.”

“Mind reader,” she replies with narrowed eyes, a gravelly tone, and a small smile.

“And don’t you forget it!” He smiles and puts his forehead to hers, then sits back and continues, “She was mentally draining and controlling. It took me awhile to see what was happening because her controlling behavior started slow. She eventually decided I shouldn’t hang out with Kay anymore and that’s what snapped me out of it. I broke up with her and Kay threw a party.”

“That’s an awesome reason to throw a party. How could anyone demand you stop being friends with him? Wanker. That sounds miserable.”

“It was! Nine months of that nonsense. The other girlfriends, the first was when she and I were in high school and it ended dramatically, but we’re friends now. She’s happily married with kids and we talk and catch up when we see each other. The next one was mostly long distance, that relationship was short. She had a fiancé the whole time, I had no idea until he messaged me. Her and I would probably not chat beyond hello and goodbye if we saw each other now. The next was fine, but we both bored each other. She was nice, we both were, but it was a poor fit. Ended as friends.” He closes his eyes and leans his head on the back of the couch, “And the last one, fair warning, I will hide if I see her. Surprise, surprise, she did not take the breakup well.” He got close to needing a restraining order before she started leaving him alone when she met someone else and was pregnant soon after.

Then he looks at Jyn and tells her, “You are different from all of them. This relationship is so much better than any of the others.”

She blushes, a shy smile appears on her countenance. She doesn’t know what to say to that. “Well, if I meet the two who you are on good terms with, I’ll definitely be friendly. They sound nice. I can scare the shit out of the bad one if you want.” A mischievous smile comes with that last remark.

He laughs, “I would have liked that, but she’s had baby since then. I hope that’s her focus and that she becomes a better person. Scaring her would likely just make being mom harder. It would probably end up affecting the baby more than her.”

“They really just let anyone have babies don’t they.”

“Who is this they?”

“No idea, but if I ever find them, I have a lot of questions.” Jyn thinks more. “Your mum gave you really good relationship advice after a breakup right? Was it after the last ex?”

“Yeah. That one messed me up.”

“What other advice did she she give you?”

“She said both partners need to show they can compromise, and there has to be evidence of actual compromise, not just them saying they can or will. She also told me both people need to be active listeners and remember people change over time and that’s normal and all.” He thinks back on the conversation. “She was so good with answering my questions, but I felt bad because it made her miss dad a lot. It always feels like he should be here still, at every event. Do you feel like that with your family.”

“I try not to think about it, it’s just . . . too much for me. Is that bad?”

“I don’t think so. There isn’t one right way to deal with trauma.”

“Someday maybe I can meet your mom.”

“We can call her on the computer maybe?”

Fuck, they haven’t talked enough about this yet. “I can’t really do that. I don’t do video calls. I mean, I can try to find a properly encrypted one, but so far I haven’t. I don’t think it’s safe to tell her about me even with my fake name unless we are in person and I’ve checked for CCTV cameras and all that. I can’t avoid those, but I don’t have to be as close to them. They hear and see so much. You can tell her about me in a vague way.” She doesn’t realize she’s started to shiver until he pulls a blanket over them both, and tightens his hold. She stops shivering.

He says, “Well, sometime if she’s here in person, she’ll love meeting you.”

Jyn smiles. She sure hopes so. “You can tell her about us, just don’t use my names or say much about my situation.”

His mom is going to be so confused.

Chapter Text

~ March 15th ~

“Elle?” Says Cassian when he opens the door to find Lando and her on the other side of it. Elle looks to be recovering from recent injuries.

“So, umm, is Kestral here?” Asks Lando.

“Yeah, is she home?” Asks Elle.

“She isn’t, but she will be soon. What happened to your eye and arm?” She has a black eye and her arm is in a sling. The large amount worry and unease on Lando’s visage is something Cassian has never seen before. Lando is unsettled by Elle’s state.

“We found some leads on that group who went after Kestral thinking she was Padmé,” answers Elle.

“But what happened to your eye and arm?” Cassian redirects back to his original question.

“Elle decided to try to find those five by posing as someone looking to hire them. That’s how the black eye and fractured arm happened. For the record, I asked her not to!” Lando says looking pointedly at her.

She scrunches up her face at him before replying, “I’m fine! It went fine!”

“We have different definitions of fine,” Lando replies.

“What the fuck happened?” Asks Jyn as she closes the door. She’s just arrived home.

“Hi Kestral,” says Elle. “We’ve been following some leads. You might want to sit down.”

Jyn comes to sit by Cassian, and anxiety is already rolling off of her, though she is attempting to hide it. She’s been anxious more often since admitting where her father worked to Cassian, Churrit, and Baze and why he worked there.

Lando starts to explain, “Elle and I have been trying to figure out who went after ‘Padmé’ and why.”

“And it was not Lando’s idea that I try to hire them. That was my idea, he asked me not to.” She turns to look her boyfriend in the eye. “And I’m fine!” She turns back to Jyn and Cassian. “I found out they were probably young members of the Hutt gang hired by someone else. I didn’t find out anything else. I got punched and kicked before I maced them and got away.”

“You didn’t mace them, you sprayed them with a massive can of wasp nest killer.”

“Close enough,” says Elle.

Lando continues, “I asked around, and did not get punched! I found some important information as well. Have you heard of D. S. E. Imperial Corporation?” He fixes Kestral with a hard stare that she doesn’t know what to do with.

“I have,” she replies in a much calmer voice than she or Cassian expected.

“Well, if you ask about Padmé Amadala around here, the place she was from, they have this crazy software that picks up on it. Soon after, someone from that company, not the government, the actual company, gets in touch. From there, well, clearly there was miscommunication, but the point is, her name gets flagged and followed up on.” Lando pauses, “You remind me of someone I met from that company.”

Jyn goes stiff and is silent. “Kestral?” Asks Cassian.

Lando speaks again. “I’ve had to deal with them before, and . . . ”

“They made sure you knew what happened if you didn’t comply,” adds Kestral. She can see it in his eyes. She recognizes the haunted look that appears in them.

A look of resignation and understanding passes between them.

“Your eyes remind me of him. I understand why he was there now.” He pauses and Jyn is thinking of asking him when he met her father, but Lando says more. “I don’t want to know your real name, I can’t, I can’t ever go back there.”

“I understand,” she says, because she does. She doesn’t ask her other questions either.

“Just tell your other friends, no more saying her name.”

Kestral adds, “Bo doesn’t know.”

“Doesn’t know what?” Asks Lando.

“He wasn’t shown . . . what we were. He saw other things.” Even she’s not sure what. She just hopes Lando understands.

Cassian had no idea his friend and employer had a run in with D. S. E. Imperial Corporation. He has a lot of questions, as does Elle, but based on Lando’s reaction, they won’t be able to ask them.

. . .

After they leave, Jyn’s mind starts running fast with multiple trains of thought after the initial shock of Lando’s revelation. Cassian thinks she looks about to say something to him then doesn’t over and over.

The corporation called when Padmé’s name came up? They sold the software, they shouldn’t have access to that copy once they’ve sold it. That thought flies around her mind like a persistent hornet.

Cassian texts Leia, Luke, and Bohdi to have them come over.

Jyn keeps thinking. Why Padmé? She has no idea. How can they access information like that when they sold the software? They must have left a secret opening, which was a terrible idea. They left an opening and her father left something in the software? There are so many new possibilities. She can work with this.

She’s in her own world and doesn’t realize she’s checked out until Bohdi’s hand is on her shoulder shaking her. “Hey, we’re here,” he says. Luke, Leia, Cassian, and Bohdi are all here. “Cassian explained what Elle and Lando said. What’s up with you?”

Jyn has a picture of Padmé that Rey sent her. “It doesn’t add up. There are missing pieces. Bo, I don’t know if you’ve seen pictures, this is Padmé,” she shows him the picture of Padmé in an official government photo. “Do you have any ideas?”

He stares at the picture. He has some memories, but they are extremely scrambled. They also feel painful, even though he can’t recall them properly. “I . . . ummmm . . . ” then he starts speaking fast, “No, no, no, no, no, I have to go, I have to go - ”

“Bo! Wait!” Starts Jyn, grabbing Bohdi’s arm.

“No!! Absolutely not!!” Bohdi turns back to her and he gets in her face. “Stop looking into this!!”

“Why?!”

“I DON’T EVEN REMEMBER HER AND WHEN I SEE THAT PICTURE ALL I CAN THINK OF IS FUCKFACE!! WHY IS THAT HAPPENING?!”

“Which fuckface?!” Asks Jyn, completely unfazed by her usually calm brother angrily yelling in her face.

“THE TALL ONE!!!” Bohdi looks half mad because the thoughts are connected and he has no idea why. He’s pacing all around attempting to go in multiple directions at once. “I don’t know, I don’t know, this, this is . . . ” he finds Jyn and grabs her by the outside of her arms, “I’m scared! You stop, you have to stop looking into this!”

“Hey, I’m scared too,” she says barely above a whisper. “We can be scared together ok?”

He shakes his head telling her no. It’s like they’re sixteen and eighteen again, alone but together, against the world on the run. Barely above a whisper he says, “You’re not gonna fucking listen, but please, if he’s involved, don’t you dare. Just wait for now, please. Maybe when you’re not in pieces. Or maybe when he’s dead.”

They feel alone, but they are not.

“Who is tall fuckface?” Asks Leia

Jyn and Bohdi look at a loss for words. Sometimes it hurts to talk, especially about him. Jyn decides to try. “He’s ummm, the muscle.”

“The enforcer,” adds Bohdi. “Second in command.” The siblings shiver.

Everyone but Cassian is missing the connection. Leia asks, “The muscle for who?”

Bohdi answers, “For D. S. E. Imperial Corporation.” Jyn and Bohdi won’t say the enforcer’s name. Not today. Bohdi’s hit his limits, “I need to go.”

Jyn looks at her brother’s shoes and goggles, “I can’t keep up today.”

“I’m just going to walk, no talking.”

“I’ll walk with you,” says Luke. “I won’t talk.”

Bohdi wonders if Luke has work tomorrow, but it’s a mad house in his mind and no single thought lasts long before another one overtakes it. Bohdi just says, “Ok.” And leaves.

That stuns Jyn more than anything else. She’s not the one who is following Bohdi?

Cassian walks Leia home while Jyn gets to work adding to her growing pile of equations and notes. When Cassian returns he doesn’t want to interrupt whatever Jyn is doing, so he just puts dinner on a plate by her quietly. He eats at the counter while she works at the coffee table.

She notices the food and is startled. “Cassian! Cassian?”

“Yeah?”

“Luke walked with Bohdi, right?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s good right? I mean, I can’t keep up today. Luke’s a good man isn’t he?”

“Yes, he is,” he replies as he walks over to Jyn and puts an arm around her, looking at her mess of equations. “Leia too, she’s a good woman.”

“She tracked Bohdi down the other day and got him to work on time. He said he’s not sure what happened, but he remembers she was really nice about it.” Jyn’s feels some kind of wonder. “They care a lot, and they like being around him too.”

“Bohdi is an amazing guy, it’s not surprising is it?”

“I agree, but in my past experience, people avoid him. It’s rare to see someone else there for him in the way they should be.” She keeps staring towards the door.

“Hey, so, what is all this math?”

“Oh! Theoretical stuff. There is a lot of math in programming. This helps me grasp more of what my father made.”

“Oh, ok.” He suspects he won’t understand the full explanation. Cassian gently asks, “What happened to Bohdi?”

Jyn notes this is yet another topic she hasn’t spoken of out loud. “I’m not completely sure, but it started when he found his mum dead from a heart attack. He didn’t talk at all for awhile and when he did, there were some jumbled memories. Our parents worked hard to help him get back on track. His memory improved and he became much more secure. Then they killed mum, he was there too. They split up the three of us after that and Krennic shipped him off to some tough scary boarding school. When Saw rescued my father, Bo, and I, well, Bo’s been like this since then. He’s better than he was then, but I can’t fix it. Fuck it was terrifying at first, attempting to help when he would be lost in time, I didn’t know how to help, I just wouldn’t leave him. That was all I could do at first. We’re both broken and we can’t fix each other, we can just be there.” She looks hard at Cassian, “I’ve never said most of this out loud, not until you.”

“Umm, I don’t think you should keep describing yourselves as broken.” He pulls her into a hug, kissing the crown of her head. “Your lives are complicated but you’re both still here. I love you querida.”

“I feel broken,” she says. She really does feel that way. “I don’t know how else to describe it.”

Cassian’s not sure what to say, but he keeps what Kay said in mind and what Jyn says she did for a Bohdi. “I don’t know what the right words are, I just know I belong here with you.”

She smiles, and it’s incandescent.

. . .

Bohdi can walk fast, faster than Luke expected. He’s having trouble keeping up. They walk for hours, and Luke only speaks up when he thinks Bohdi will get hurt as he walks into something without knowing that he isn’t when and where he thinks he is.

Bohdi’s thoughts run over each other so fast he can’t hold onto them to sort them out. It feels as if he keeps moving, moving, moving, maybe, just maybe, he can go faster than the fastest thoughts, and then he can get back in control.

“Bo, wait,” says Luke. It’s the fifth or thousandth time Luke has stopped him from stepping off a ledge or running into something.

Bohdi stops suddenly, rounding on Luke. “Why are you so nice to me?!” Bohdi asks angrily. “I am a mess and a burden. I have no idea if I’ve been walking for hours or days and you’re here, you’re still here! Are you crazy?! Do you know how fucked up I am?!”

“I’m not crazy, and you are not fucked up!” Luke answers, louder than he meant to.

“I’m not gonna get better! I’ve been like this for years! You can’t fix me! No one can!”

“I’M NOT TRYING TO FIX YOU!” Now Luke’s mad.

“THEN WHY ARE YOU HERE!”

“I’M HERE BECAUSE I LOVE YOU! I LOVE WHO YOU ARE! I LOVE YOU ALL THE TIME! I love you when you’re happy playing the piano, I love you when you can’t stop drawing, I love being with you! Damn it Bohdi, I just want to stay in your life and hopefully help you be comfortable in it, I’m not here to fix or change you!” Luke blushes furiously after his declaration of love, but it’s dark out, so it’s hard to tell.

Bohdi is shocked, he had no idea Luke was interested in him that way. He was, perhaps, the only one who hadn’t figured out Luke was interested. He’s so surprised that his mind actually stops rushing, focusing on Luke and what he said. He doesn’t know what to say back. He is quiet for awhile before he asks, “Can we go home?”

“Yeah, let’s go home.” Luke’s glad he called their place home, because Bohdi hasn’t given any indication about how he feels about Luke’s declaration of love. It all just kind of came out.

They walk home quietly. When they get inside, Luke walks Bohdi over to his room. Bohdi opens his door, and Luke is trying to figure out what to say.

Bohdi pulls him into the room and before Luke realizes what’s happening, Bohdi kicks the door shut, Luke’s back hits the wall, and Bohdi’s lips crash into his, kissing him passionately.

By the time Luke realizes what’s happening and remembers to actually kiss back, Bohdi’s gotten both their coats off and untucked Luke’s shirt. One of his hands is under Luke’s shirt running over his stomach then to his back, the other outside of his shirt running over his back and up his spine.

Luke feels Bohdi’s tongue lightly push against his lips. He opens his mouth a little and as their tongues meet, he pulls Bohdi closer. The hand Bohdi has in Luke’s shirt is back out of it and in Luke’s hair, carding it, bringing Luke closer.

Bohdi is so much more passionate than Luke ever expected. Luke wants to say something, but he can’t. He can’t get away, and maybe he doesn’t want to.

Bohdi, who is a little shorter than him, is crowding him and he feels like the most desired man in the world. Luke manages to briefly pull back, “So does this mean you’re interested in me too?”

“Yes, yes, yes I am. I’m sorry I yelled at you earlier,” he says, looking into Luke’s bright eyes.

“It’s ok,” replies Luke, kissing Bohdi again, he kisses him tenderly, before they both deepen it.

Bohdi pulls away completely then says, “I’m still all fucked up and broken.” He wonders if Luke has any idea what he’s getting himself into.

“I would not characterize you that way. You’re not broken. Having mental issues doesn’t mean you’re broken.”

That gives him pause. He’s described himself that way for so long. He and Jyn both refer to themselves as broken. Bohdi isn’t ready to fully confront this. “I’m hard to date. I’m exhausting. I haven’t dated in awhile. My last breakup was when I said the wrong name. I didn’t miss the other guy, I just get lost in time and space sometimes. She didn’t like being called another name. It’s likely to to happen again. Are you going to break up with me if I say the wrong name? Is what I am really ok?”

“Of course,” replies Luke, drawing Bohdi closer.

“If Jyn says we have to run, I’ll leave immediately. We don’t want to keep running, but the horrors we both went through, we can’t risk going back. Even if I love you, I’ll still run. I can’t go back.”

Bohdi looks haunted, Luke hugs him and kisses his brow. “I understand, not completely, but I get it. If you and Jyn disappear, I won’t take it personally.” Luke isn’t sure he should tell him that that he wants to go with him. They only just kissed. Luke also realizes Bohdi is completely exhausted. “Hey, let’s rest.” Luke turns off the light then guides them both to Bohdi’s bed, laying them back and laying behind Bohdi.

Bohdi turns over and stares at Luke in the dark. “This is real?” He asks in a tired yet hopeful voice.

“Yeah, this is real.”

“Good.” Bohdi tucks himself closer into Luke’s embrace. He’s asleep seconds later. It takes Luke a little longer to fall asleep as his thinks through the recent events of the day.

Chapter Text

The next morning, Bohdi visits Jyn before he goes to work. “So, umm, I have some news.” Then he says nothing.

“Yeah? What is it?” Asks Jyn, her curiosity peaked.

“I kissed Luke last night, and he said he loved me, but in reverse order from that.”

“Oh, wow!” Jyn is excited, then worried. “He said he loved you before you kissed?” Then she remembers she told Cassian she loved him less than 48 hours after they kissed, so maybe she shouldn’t be surprised.

“Yeah, I asked why he was still walking with me, or rather, I yelled the question, in an aggressive way. He said it was because he loved me. It was, well, he said it in such a pure way.”

“I think he’s been interested in you like that for awhile.”

“You knew?”

“I had an inkling,” she replies quietly. She had more than an inkling. Luke’s crush was obvious, even to her, but she doesn’t want to tell Bohdi that.

“Well I didn’t notice. Was I the only one who didn’t know?”

She smiles, “Probably not, but no matter who knew, I’m happy he told you how he feels.” She’s happy for him because he’s happy, but worried because she’s been there for his past breakups. She’s seen her brother get hurt before. She has delicate questions, though she isn’t sure how many she’s willing to ask yet. “So, ummm, does . . . did you talk about, ummm, what it might be like?”

“Yeah,” he thinks about it for a bit trying to keep it in order. “I kissed him. I kissed him hard. Then I told him I’ll call him the wrong name, and how it’s happened before, but didn't mean I wanted to be back with someone else. He says he understands.”

“He better!” 

“What?”

“Bo, you’re amazing, he better understand and appreciate you.”

“Ok? I also told him that we might have to run whether he and I are together or not. He said it’s ok. I hope that’s true.”

“Do you think he really understands?” She asks, and she’s honestly curious. They both know she’s really asking if Luke understands why they are so paranoid.

“I mean, not really, but maybe it’s more like not yet. Does Cassian get it?”

“He understands . . . I told him more than I meant to. He understands the fear at least, he knows what we’re running from.”

“What do you mean more than you meant to?”

“I said more than I’ve said out loud to anyone, ever, while I was panicking.” She doesn’t have to add when, he knows.

“He understands and he’s still by your side. Cassian’s an awesome person. Do you think Luke will stay?”

She thinks about it. “He is a good man. I think you can believe what he told you. He seems like the type to work hard at everything he does, including relationships. He's been consistently kind and thoughtful, plus he does MMA, and that takes discipline and patience. That should make him an excellent partner.”

Bohdi smiles, happy with Jyn’s answer. He finally asks the question simmering under the surface. “Are you going to threaten him?”

She snorts, “Of course I am. How is that even a question?”

. . .

An hour later, Jyn tracks Luke down at his college library.

He nearly jumps when he sees her. He’s pretty sure why she’s here. She and Bohdi always check in, and they are very protective of each other. He was expecting this. She still makes him nervous.

“So, Kestral, can I help you with something?” He asks attempting to make it seem like she’s just any other student that he assists.

“Yeah,” she starts looking around, attempting to figure out a way to get him away from others, and ideally also away from CCTV cameras. “I’m looking for books about programming for mathematicians and also about the history of compilers.”

Luke is confused. He expected her to ask for something much more mundane because she’s not here for books. It’s just an excuse. Is she here for books? He is still always helpful and queries for the books on one of the library’s laptops. “Right this way.” When they get close to the the area she asked for he quietly starts to add, “You’re not a student, so you can’t take them out, but you can read here - oof”

His back hits a shelf. She hisses, “What are your intentions with my brother?”

“What?”

“You’re intentions! They’re - ” her tone changes and she backs off a little. There is worry in her voice when she says, “You’ll be good to Bo right?”

“Of course.”

“I’ve heard that before,” her eyes become stormy.

“He told me his last breakup happened when he said the wrong name, and asked if that was ok because it’s likely to happen again. I said it was, because it is.”

Jyn whispers, “That wasn’t the last breakup.”

“That’s . . . that explains a lot. He also said, if you say you have to run he’ll leave immediately, and asked if I was ok with that, and with everything else. I said yes. I care about his wellbeing whether we date or not. And I’m not trying to fix him, he isn’t broken. Mental health issues doesn’t mean he’s broken.” She’s searching his expression. He adds, “I know he remembers things out of order, and I’d like to help. I will not be a hindrance.”

She searches his expression a little longer before she nods, then completely backs off. “Good. He really is amazing. He has a big heart and cares a lot. I just want to make sure he’s appreciated properly. You, you’ll . . .” Her tone completely changes to a rough angry one again as she gets back in his face, “I will beat the shit out of you if you’re not good to him. Do you understand?”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

She lets out a sigh of relief. She looks around more before asking, “Can I really look through books here?”

“Yeah, you just can’t take them out. Some of the books can’t be taken out at all, you need permission to see those in the first place, so just come find me if there are any of those that you want to see.”

“Thanks,” she says drifting towards a title that has caught her eye.

“Do you need any more help?”

“Probably,” she says softly, mainly to herself.

He gets back to work, and hours later, she’s still there reading, working on her laptop, and taking handwritten notes.

Before she leaves, she tells him, “Don’t tell anyone where you saw me, just that we saw each other. Giving more details than necessary isn’t wise. The less anyone else knows, the better.”

“You don’t want Bohdi to know you threatened me?”

He would be more surprised if I didn’t, you can tell him about that. No one needs details about what I’m looking into. It’s safer to have less details.”

The extreme amount of paranoia the Rook siblings exhibit routinely catches Luke by surprise.

She’s shifting back and forth now, attempting to get up the nerve to ask for something she’s wanted to see for a long time that Luke should have access to.

Fuck it, just ask him! “So, ummm, can you see if a dissertation is requested a lot?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean if it’s cited and used a lot, and if it is, then can you request it?”

“Yeah, ummm, what do you want me to request?”

This is it, this is risky. Maybe it’s time. She quietly mulls it over. Her hand is shaking when she writes down a name.

————

Galen Erso

————

Barely above a whisper, she adds, “He’s published some papers, and has some dissertations in . . . more than one field. If, umm, if there are papers of his that are requested a lot, and won’t look suspicious being requested here . . . I’d really like a copy of them.”

He stares between her and the paper with the shaky handwritten name. He asks another question. “What subjects would they be under?”

She snatches back the paper and adds them to it.

————

Galen Erso
mathematics, computer science

————

Luke doesn’t understand why she is so incredibly paranoid, but he wants to. He’s not sure if it’s warranted paranoia yet, just that it’s very real to Bohdi and Jyn. “Why only of they’re requested a lot? Are you worried someone might notice?

“They will definitely notice. I just don’t want to stand out.” Maybe one day she’ll even ask for Lyra Erso’s Geology dissertation and papers. Right now she thinks that would be pushing her luck.

“Ok, I’ll make sure the requests won’t stand out. You want a ride home?”

“No, I’ve got work to do nearby, then I’ll catch the bus.” She’s going to see Finn next, his site needs an update and he has a few friends who would like to hire her for their sites. “Thanks Luke, and I’m watching you.” She gives him a semi-goofy evil eye, because now she is convinced he’ll be a great boyfriend to Bohdi.

. . .

She arrives home awhile later to Cassian and Baze. They’ve been chatting and waiting for her.

“Hey grumpy,” says Baze as she comes through the door.

“Hi guys,” she replies. This feels like an ambush. Baze has become a father like figure to her. “Am I in trouble?”

Baze laughs, “No, you are not in trouble!” His laughter slows. “I just want to know how many people you’ve bitten hard enough to draw blood.”

“What?” She replies, her eyes widen.

Cassian speaks up, “I should have brought this up when you were in the hospital, but you’ve bitten some people in self defense hard enough to draw blood, and you’ve been bled on, more than I realized at the time. Can Baze order blood work for you to make sure you haven’t picked up any blood borne diseases?” He looks nervous, because they definitely just sprung this on her.

“I haven’t bit too many,” she stops, then looks up at the ceiling as if she’s counting just how many people she’s bitten, “I mean usually it was my own blood.” She’s starting to feel embarrassed. Biting was not a tactic she enjoyed at all, but it was a dependable last resort and a great way to throw an attacker off their game. It was unexpected. “I don’t want to talk about how many.”

“Ball park figure,” says Baze. “More or less than five?”

Now she’s starts to turn really red.

He continues, “Five to ten?”

“I have to go.” She starts to leave, and Cassian gently stops her.

“Hey grumpy, more than ten is enough information. Were any of them known drug users?” Asks Baze.

“Probably, but not that I could tell? Look, just take my blood and then we talk about something else, yeah?” She wants to get off this topic.

“I just want to narrow down what to look for. How about this, if you’ve bitten someone, or been covered in blood that wasn’t all yours, I’ll assume you had a good reason for it, ok grumpy?”

She does love when he calls her grumpy. “Ok.”

Baze says, “I’ll put your paperwork together tonight and Cassian will bring it home tomorrow.”

She nods and Baze tells her a funny story about Beebee to get her mind off of this subject.

When he leaves later, Jyn is angry.

She rounds on Cassian, “What the fuck was that about?!”

“Whoa, whoa,” he backs up because she’s pissed, and he’d be lying if he said he had no fear of her when she was angry. She had never been violent with him. “We’ve been more intimate lately, and I was thinking I should be able to show you I don’t have any STIs. I know you don’t have any, but then . . . ”

“ . . . you put together that I’ve bitten people and been covered in other people’s blood on at least a few occasions.” She looks around the room then down at the floor. She defensively asks, “Will you break up with me if . . . if I have something?”

“Absolutely not!” He sounds so vehement, her eyes snap to his. “It’s just better to know and to treat things.”

Jyn let’s out a long breath she didn’t know she was holding. “How much blood do you need?”

Nonchalantly he says, “Buckets of it.”

She bursts out laughing.

Eventually he adds, “We’ll find out soon, depends what tests Baze orders.”

“What do you mean when you say you want to prove you don’t have STIs?”

“I asked my doctor to screen for them, I can show you the results. I had it done ten months ago and had no partners since then. I asked them to send me a copy of the results. Still waiting for it.”

“Awe, thanks.” He’s so sweet, caring for her safety and all.

A little later, he has his scrubs on and will leave for work soon.

“So, Jyn, what are you doing?” Asks Cassian. She’s made and bagged five peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

“I’m watching activity for Rey tonight, and where I’m going there are quite a few homeless people, so I like to bring sandwiches.” She keeps looking at what she’s doing, she’s practical. She misses that his expression changes.

“Oh, how long have you been doing this?”

“Bringing extra food? Not too long.”

“Can I help?”

“You want to?”

“Have you met me?” Seriously, how is this even a question? He’s insulted that she didn’t think he would.

She’s startled. She felt he already did more than enough, but he seems insulted that she didn’t ask. She’s thinks she’s missing something and she feels stupid. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I have shitty social skills. I’m not sure why I didn’t ask either other than I’m an idiot.”

“You are not an idiot, well, most of the time. You definitely should have known I would want to help. I could at least go with you to,” he pauses, “I was about to say to protect you, but that’s me being an idiot. You can protect yourself better than I can. I mean, you can also protect me better than I can. I could come and keep you company.”

“You have work! You’re really important too, working in an ER.” She smiles. “And you! You find me with the shit kicked outta me about six weeks ago and you still think I can protect you? I thought my fighting cred would be worthless!”

“A month before that you took out four guys and scared off two more in under a minute about three meters from where I was standing. Your fighting cred is just fine.”

“So,” she pushes the bread between them, “I was planning to bring nine sandwiches. Do you have some time?”

“I do. I would also like to steal kisses.”

She kisses him in response.

A few seconds later, he says, “Between all the programming, doing odd jobs for Rey, and you’ve been working out more even with the air cast still on your ankle, you work quite a lot.”

“This coming from you, you work around fifty-four to fifty-six hours a week!”

“And that’s a lot?” He tickles her from behind and she wriggles away, laughing hard. He eventually crowds her to the counter, and when she’s recovered from the tickling, he says, “I was thinking of cutting back to one day a week at Elle Three. I like working there, but once a week is good. Five night shifts a week is a lot.”

“True, so can I pay for stuff now since you’ll make less?”

“Not yet! The hospital is having trouble getting and retaining enough night nurses. We all got a raise when they raised the starting salary.”

“When did they do that?”

“It starts next week. I found out last week at the beginning of a shift which explains why I forgot to tell you at the end of my shift.”

“So I can see more of you.” She smiles and it’s incandescent.

“I was thinking the same thing,” he says as he leans in kissing her gently before they both deepen it.

. . .

Luke visits her late that night. “I got what you asked for. The college had most of them already, so I only requested the two they didn’t have. This guy published a lot.”

“Will it look odd? Requesting the other two?”

“No, it will just look like they’re completing a collection for a department, or departments. His work is foundational in multiple areas of study. How did you hear of him?”

Ah, Luke only knows Kestral and Bohdi Rook, and that her original name is Jyn. He doesn’t know that her last name was Erso. “I’ll tell you some day, when I’m ready.”

“Ok.”

. . .

Cassian arrives home to find her looking ridiculously frazzled at the kitchen counter. There are papers all around her.

“Hey Jyn? You ok?” He asks, gently shaking her shoulder.

“Huh? Oh. Hi.”

“Are you, ok?”

She looks at him and pouts, “My brain hurts.”

“I see. What is all this?”

“It’s . . . my father’s dissertations and published papers.”

“Wow, that is a lot. How did you get them?”

“Luke got them. He doesn’t know my last name, or that he’s my father.”

“Umm, so, they make your brain hurt?”

“Yes, yes, yes, please order me to go do something else so I can take a break.”

“Wait, have you been doing this all night?”

“No, just for an hour and a half.”

“Come on, let’s go find a vampire.”

“What?”

“Phlebotomist.”

“That works, thank you,” she says finally able to tear herself away.

Chapter Text

——Third Transmission——

To the Windmill,

These messages to customer service were written in an overly cryptic way to verify it was you two. We’re happy you are together and not alone. We are not alone either.

We have not forgotten safety lessons we learned from the mill. We are careful and vigilant.

These messages are sent over public channels but are hidden away in innocuous content under encryption and layers. They take a circuitous route to you. To an outsider it looks like ads being sent from an API to whatever site it’s meant to show up on. It also disappears in the circuitous route. When you write back with the link provided, it is a similar process though it is sent in a different kind of innocuous ad.

When you say something was hidden away inside the product from the old birdseed company to expose them, what kind of exposure would they face?

Wait a few days before writing back and also, write back at a late hour to obscure your time zone.

- The Rookery

——End transmission——

Chapter Text

~ March 20th ~

The day after Baze tells Jyn she is all set and doesn’t have to use her air cast anymore, she disappears, but not without a trace. She leaves a note for Cassian and Bohdi.

Cassian comes home from work to find her phone, necklace, laptop, and some papers with a note on top on the kitchen counter.

————

Cassian and Bohdi, I’ll be back in three to five days. Bo can explain.

————

What the fuck?

That’s it? Thinks Cassian. The message is so abrupt.

And why is her phone here? Why is her necklace here? Why is her laptop here? What the fuck?

Cassian calls Bohdi, and Bohdi arrives with Luke soon after. Bohdi seems unnaturally calm while putting Jyn’s necklace on and tucking it away under his shirt. He starts reading through the papers she left them.

“Has this happened before?” Asks Cassian.

“Yeah, she has to do this once in awhile,” replies Bohdi, now parsing through the most recent message from their father again. She wrote it out rather than print it. He’s seen it before, but is combing through it again anyway.

“But she left her phone behind?” Asks Cassian.

“Yeah, too traceable, she’ll get it when she comes back,” replies Bohdi.

“How do you know she’ll come back?” Asks Luke.

“Because she always does. She says she’ll be back in the note, see?”

“What do you think she is doing?” Asks Luke.

Now Bohdi notes the difference between now and when this has happened before. No one has talked to him when Jyn “disappears,” until today. His eyes snap to their’s as he takes in the look on their faces. They’re both nervous, and Cassian is also agitated. It’s probably not good for a significant other to disappear without warning. He and Jyn’s habits do not make sense to everyone. Maybe he can explain.

“Guys, we’re paranoid for a good reason. I promise caution is warranted. Look, I get that you’re probably pissed, but she has to be alone and on the move when she checks out and tries to get into their software.” He doesn’t say their name, but Cassian and Luke know.

“That’s what she’s doing?!” Asks Cassian, horrified.

“Well yeah, they are in everything, so she has to be on the move. She checks what’s up with them to see if we need to change our hiding strategies. The less the rest of us know, the better.” He opens the laptop up next.

“Her laptop is here though, how is she getting into their stuff?” Asks Luke.

“She uses a borrowed or junked laptop wipes it before and after,” says Bohdi. “Different one every time.”

It takes Bohdi a minute to realize Cassian’s issue might be that he didn’t know she COULD do this kind of programming. Jyn didn’t go around talking about how capable she was, Cassian must not know. She and him also haven’t talked in depth to anyone but each other for so long until recently, he knows their social skills need work. “Wait, wait, wait, Jyn and I, our social skills are shit. Cassian, feel free to be blunt about what she should be telling you since you’re in a relationship. She’s never had one before and we haven’t had friends other than each other in years. Luke, you can be blunt with me too.”

Cassian’s not sure what to say to that so all he says is, “I’ll keep that in mind.”

Bohdi continues, explaining the other issue. “Here’s the thing, well, the other thing. Our father is a genius, like truly. I’m not just trying to make him sound good. He has two PhDs and at the time was a giant in multiple fields. He was quiet about it, but he’s the real deal.”

Luke realizes immediately that name Jyn wrote down on that slip of paper is the name of her father. Published PhD, Galen Erso, is Bohdi and Jyn’s father. He keeps this to himself.

Bohdi says, “Mum was a PhD too, different field. But that’s, I mean, you know,” he doesn’t add that she’s dead. They already know. “Anyway, Jyn is like them, well she’s a lot like dad. She’s as brilliant if not more so. We’ve both sat in on college classes in person and online that we weren’t enrolled in when we could, we both do well at that kind of thing. I’m smart too when my mind isn’t lost in time, but she’s, she’s something else. She learns fast and understands complicated theoretical concepts in a way that’s just . . . she’s smarter than she’ll ever let on. I’m not sure if she’s being modest or if she truly doesn’t understand how brilliant she is. She understands mathematics and programming like dad did. Now and then, she leaves to get her head around dad’s monster, checking if it’s changed, hoping to figure out a way for the two of us to stop running and hiding, or at least to get around it better. Unfortunately it’s necessary.”

“How are you so calm?” Asks Luke gently, he can’t contain his curiosity anymore.

Bohdi answers with sorrow and resignation, “Because we know we can’t keep running and hiding forever. Cassian, what future do you and Jyn have if she’s constantly on guard? She’s afraid to apply for heat assistance and get healthcare under her current legal name, it’s not even her real name. She can’t meet your family over a video call. You can’t even tell your family much about her until you see them in person can you? What future can I have with you Luke? Neither of us can stop hiding yet.”

Cassian knew, he figured it out early. She was still who he wanted to be with. Even though the relationship was new, he knew it was much more than early infatuation.

Luke knew too. He didn’t like to dwell on it, but he knew the current limitations of he and Bohdi’s relationship.

Neither of them realized Bohdi and Jyn were aware of it. This kind of relationship was so rare for either of them, it was possible that they hadn’t thought that far ahead. They were still getting their footing. Bohdi had Luke and others helping him now, it had been only Jyn helping him for a long time. Jyn finally had more than just Bohdi. Cassian and their other friends had given her a proper safety net. They had a solid footing for the first time in years.

They never forgot they didn’t have a future yet, they just tried not to dwell on it.

Bohdi pulls some papers out of a beat up little notebook he keeps in his pocket. “I can send her a message. We have a code set up.”

The directions tell him exactly how to set up a virtual machine and a VPN inside of it on her laptop. Then he goes to a missed connection site and sees her message. “See, she left this message, it matches my notes.”

————

Looking for a tired cat owner with green eyes and blue dyed hair. I thought we had something Trevor! Get back to me!

————

Luke laughs then asks, “What does it mean?”

“Just that it’s her. It’s not a code like this word means this or that. It’s just the current message that lets me know it’s her. We change them up, and it’s always just nonsense stuff. I’m going to write back the note that means we’re fine, see you soon. I have a note for something is wrong, come back right now, but we’ll be ok right?” He looks at Cassian, the question is for him.

“I guess?” Replies Cassian. He’s still freaked out.

Bohdi puts a hand on Cassian’s shoulder. “We’ll be ok. I’ll check in on you.”

“Thank you,” replies Cassian. He’s usually the one checking on Bohdi, it feels strange to have the tables turned. He’s glad Bohdi’s calm.

“And you should text me to ‘check in’ from her phone as her,” adds Bohdi before posting his message.

————

You tried to steal my cat! I never want to see you and your stupid fluorescent jacket again!

————

“That’s the I’m ok message?” Asks Luke with a bit of a laugh.

Bohdi smiles, “Yup! Maybe you can help us come up with the next one. We change it all completely everytime.” He sighs, “She doesn’t like doing this and neither do I. She’ll be ok though, I trust her, you should to.”

“I do,” says Cassian. He says it in a resigned way, but that doesn’t mean he’s not telling the truth. He really does trust her.

“You have her passcode?” Asks Bohdi.

“Yeah,” replies Cassian.

“She definitely trusts you,” remarks Bohdi with a smile, he’s truly surprised. That was an enormous amount of trust from her.

Cassian cheers up a little at Bohdi implying Jyn must trust him deeply.

He also still thinks this sucks.

. . .

She’s back in five days.

An utterly exhausted defeated looking Jyn arrives home. She asks, “Can I carry narcan?” As she closes the door behind her.

“Oh my god, Jyn, what the hell!” Says Cassian. It’s 7:15 PM on a Sunday night.

Jyn is covered in dust and dirt (he hopes it’s dirt), grease, and heaven only knows what else. He heads over to her and she doesn’t seem injured, which is good. The smell hits him a second later. The sadness in her eyes hits him next. He tries to surreptitiously cover his nose while asking, “Narcan? I mean yeah, why?”

“I wanted to use the cold showers by the beach before I came back because I’m disgusting and smell terrible, but there was a corpse in there. It was too late to save him, but I’m pretty sure he ODed. It still got me thinking maybe I should carry it.”

“You would have been freezing walking back here all wet.” Was she crazy?

“That’s ok, I’ve been cold before. I didn’t want to be this gross when I came home to you.”

He loves when she calls their place home. He still has questions. “So, does anyone else know someone died in there?”

“Yeah, I called Rey from a pay phone. She’s calling the authorities.” Jyn looks incredibly drained. There weren’t many pay phones in the city, but there was one by the beach.

That she wouldn’t call the authorities herself even from a pay phone is a level of paranoia that Cassian finds distressing given what she’s been doing. “Where were you?”

“I was moving from place to place a couple hours away, did Bo explain? Oh, and is there narcan or something for meth addicts?”

Cassian is getting increasingly agitated and worried. How could he not be? “Whoa, wait, umm . . . there isn’t narcan for meth addicts, and I have more questions about that, but back to the first part. Bohdi explained, but I didn’t know you were trying to get into their software. I didn’t know that you could do that. Is that even . . . I mean, should you do that?”

“Are you angry?”

“Jyn,” he closes his eyes in frustration, and keeps his nose covered, “please just explain. I don’t understand. You and Bohdi are incredibly paranoid and then apparently you also attempt to hack this software from a company that causes you abject terror that you’re hiding from? Can you explain why both of those things are ok to do simultaneously? I mean you wouldn’t even call 911 yourself? I just want to understand.”

“If he hadn’t been dead awhile I absolutely would have called 911 myself!”

“That’s good to know,” he’s slightly relieved. He still looks kind of frantic and Jyn can’t really blame him for being angry this time. She just disappeared and left her phone behind. She’s tried to figure out how she would feel in this situation, if their lives were switched around. She suspects she also would be angry, though their lives have been so different that she has a hard time putting herself in his shoes.

She fixes her gaze on him and it is full of deep sorrow. He visibly startles, because he’s never seen true despondence in her eyes before. There is always some fire in them, but there isn’t right now. Even when she was drugged and beaten and the time when her mind was on horrible traumatic overdrive, the fire wasn’t completely gone. When she couldn’t talk, sometimes she looked blank, but never completely despondent. His agitation subsides completely while his worry increases.

He still wants an explanation, he needs one, but he wants to comfort her too. He comes a little closer (but not too close because the smell stops him), and speaks in a soothing tone, “Jyn, it will be ok. Even if I’m angry or frustrated, I won’t stay like that. I just need a little time. I’m glad you’re back home. We’re ok, I promise we are. I just want an explanation.”

She thinks about it, maybe it will be good for him to understand more. She starts by explaining the monster her father built. “Ok. The company makes weapons. I’m sure you’ve used them or seen them when you were in the military. My father is a mathematician and a software engineer, he built software for them, and you already know why.

“Governments and groups buy it then run it from their countries. I don’t know how else to explain what happens next other than they set it up and let it loose. Countries already collect data on their citizens, but his software collects and parses it so it’s not just a bunch of collected data that needs to be worked on, it comes back organized and already following people. It gets into public and also many private systems all on it’s own.

“That means somewhere, there is already a file on Cassian Andor, and it can include all kinds of things like whenever you are on CCTV, your grades from high school and college, your military evaluations, your banking, if you’ve ever done one of those ancestry kits and possibly the results, your search history, your porn habits and preferences, and your family links. It may well contain your health information which it shouldn’t since it completely violates HIPPA, but those who use the software aren’t really concerned about your privacy. All that information comes back already linked up, and often with a decent idea of where you are right now.”

She looks around the room more, then stares towards the window before continuing. “The system even sends back warnings if it thinks you’re doing something your government doesn’t want you to do, like protest. If they go after you, because of how it links to the company’s other weapons, they can kill you and make it look like an accident, or they can blow you up or do something flashy to send a message. It’s nearly impossible to hide from them. That Bohdi and I don’t look like we did when we escaped because we’re not teenagers anymore, and that our names are not the ones they knew us by is our main saving grace. Their files on us are small and somewhat inaccurate.”

“It automatically links up CCTV footage with my banking, porn habits, and health information?” Asks Cassian rhetorically, confirming she said what he thinks she said. The implications dawning on him leave him increasingly afraid. He knew it was bad because of how paranoid Jyn and Bohdi were, but having it all laid out like this was making a much bigger impact. “Fuck, that’s scary.”

“Yeah,” she replies quietly, not sure what to make of his expression. “Government surveillance is already sophisticated and quite advanced without the software. Linking it all up automatically and in a way that’s opaque to the public is much harder. It also pisses me off that they could use it to find missing persons, but contractually, they are only allowed to use it for military purposes! The contracts are, ugh, they’re fucking iron clad and not great for most of us. The guy at the top has a background in law and he doesn’t use it for noble purposes.” She’s disgusted just thinking about him. She hates Palpatine.

She continues, “Once all the information is linked up to your ID and name, it’s easy to find you. Sometimes it can tap into your computer’s camera and microphone depending on your setup, though my father hasn’t been there in eight years so it can’t do that with newer tech. It seems like it’s really hard for them to update what he made. I also checked to make sure it couldn’t do that on our computers or phones when I moved in across the hall from you last October.

“And that leads back to me and Bohdi. They want my father back working for them, and the only reason he would ever come out of hiding and go back is if they had Jyn or James Erso as a hostage. They never knew Bohdi’s real name because my father’s direct boss, Krennic, underestimates how much my father loves him. Bohdi and I are equally loved by Papa, but Krennic’s weird obsession with me blinded him to that, which is a small blessing.”

She takes a deep breath, “I’m sorry, Cassian. I forget that what’s normal for me isn’t normal at all.” She pauses before giving him the other part of the explanation he asked for. “I can’t exactly ‘hack’ into it, I can just see parts of it. I’ve gone through what I can see to figure out what I can do. So far I’ve only been able to avoid them seeing us better. When they called about Padmé though, and from something my father wrote . . . the system is more vulnerable than I thought.”

“Did you find a way in?”

“Maybe, I think I know where they may have left an opening, but it’s nothing I can use yet.” Some fire comes back into her eyes, “It’s more than I knew before.” A small smile tugs at the corners of her mouth.

Cassian wants to hug her, but she is really filthy. “I’m sorry you have to do stuff like this. I want to keep you safe, but I don’t know how to do that.” Her scent hits him again, she smells really bad. “So, where did you stay?”

“Outside by dumpsters and in crack dens by places with wifi. I made myself smell bad and look gross so no one would bother me. I underestimated meth heads. A few of them were not deterred. They’re exhausting.” She looks as her knuckles, which are wrapped.

“Did you punch some people?”

“Yeah, but my hands were wrapped when I did. And I didn’t do it much! Only when I had to.”

“Did people mostly leave you alone?”

“Yeah.”

“Can I help you clean up?”

She snorts. “What, you don’t like this overpowering stench I’m giving off?”

Now he laughs. “It’s so bad.”

“I’m going to burn these clothes,” she says in a low deadpan voice.

He replies with his own deadpan voice, “I’m going to help. Did you bite anyone this time?”

“No! Why?”

“Well, they did all that bloodwork the other day because you have bitten a lot of people - ”

“ - not all at once!” She interrupts, affronted by the accusation.

“ - of course,” he wonders why she thinks he would suddenly assume she bit a bunch of people at once, “and you’ve been bled on and all that. The good news is your bloodwork was clear. I just want to know if we need to do it again already.”

She smiles. “The results were all good?”

“Yeah!”

She smiles, “I didn’t bite anyone or get bled on when I was gone.”

“Good, so how about I help you clean up?”

“Oh, that’s ok, you don’t have to do that.”

He’s missed her, quite a lot, he really wants to help. “I want to anyway.”

“It’s fine, I don’t need help,” she replies because she doesn’t. He doesn’t need to worry about this.

“My god, Jyn, please can I just help anyway?” He’s frustrated. He turns away, running a hand through his hair. “I know you don’t need me, but I still want to help. Look, I’m sorry. I’ll be here when you’re done.”

It’s quiet. Neither of them moves or says anything.

Then Cassian feels her put her hand in his. She says, “I don’t know how to do this.”

He looks back and into her eyes, not sure what to say.

She’s embarrassed and reddening more and more as she talks. She continues, “You have helped me. You put me back together. I have heat, food, friends, and a real home with someone wonderful who I’m in love with. You’ve given me actual stability. I can never properly repay you because what you’ve helped me with and given me is immeasurable. You and I crossed paths and somehow with me being an absolute asshole on purpose, with me running into you full speed knocking you onto your ass, you made friends with me and everything changed for Bohdi and I.” She pauses, not sure how to express herself. “I didn’t understand why you wanted to . . . that you felt,” come on get it out Erso! She stares at their hands, she’s blushing furiously at this point. He made it all sound so wonderful. “I don’t want to impose, but I would like help if, if it’s ok, especially if it makes you happy.”

“You don’t have to repay anything, it’s not like that.”

“Save it! If I was mean and unhelpful the relationship wouldn’t work. I can’t repay you but I had better be good to you.”

“There may be selfish reasons for helping you clean up.”

Her eyebrows knit together. She’s not sure what he’s getting at. He decides to be blunt. “Your ribs won’t get aggravated if you breathe deeply anymore right?” He looks into her eyes, thinking wait for it . . .

He sees understanding dawn on her.

Oh!

“Oh . . . I . . . wow, yeah.” She’s completely red for a new reason. “Can I eat first?” She’s so hungry.

He laughs, “Of course! How about I help in the shower because I might be sick if we don’t take care of the smell, then we eat before fooling around more? Also, you gotta show me those hands. You had to fend off meth heads?”

The sparkle in her eye and small smile tugging at corners of her mouth might be the most adorable thing Cassian’s seen in days. “Yeah, I did. A couple of them. The crack heads get chatty, but the meth heads, they’re a scary lot.”

“Ok, first, you take these all off and I’m gonna bag them and put them in the trash outside, I think if we actually burn them the neighbors will get sick. Then I’m gonna join you in the shower.”

She looks excited and confused, but she does start stripping like he asked. “Try not to throw up.”

“I work in the ER, I’ve smelled worse.”

“Really?” She stops what she’s doing and stares.

“Yes really. I’ve held it together this long. Hey, get these off!”

She laughs, “I’m still not sexy! It’s supposed to be sexy.”

“I have a secret.”

She leans in, “What is it?”

“You’re always sexy. I’ll be back.” She’s naked and heads into the shower as he ties the bag tight and leaves to take the clothes to the trash.

He contacts Bohdi to let him know she’s back, but also that he shouldn’t come over right now. He doesn’t tell him why, but he suspects Bohdi gets it.

When he gets back he strips. “Can I join you?”

She hesitates, “Yeah, come on in.” She’s clearly been trying to scrub all the grime off as fast as possible. She brushed her teeth and used the toilet before hopping into the shower.

He starts washing her hair, and him massaging her scalp helps her drift away. She turns and holds him close as he washes the shampoo out. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” He frames her face with his hands and kisses her cheek, then kisses closer to her mouth. She turns to find his lips and kisses him, deepening it immediately, a needy sound escapes her and he hums in return. He reminds her, “I’ll always stop when you say stop,” while she reaches back behind her to turn off the water.

“Please don’t stop,” is her breathless reply.

“I don’t plan to,” he replies. A few seconds later he feels her shivering. It’s proper shivering too, not you whispered near my ear shivers. It isn’t stopping. The past five days catch up with her. They will have to stop. “Let’s warm you up first though ok?”

She nods, that sounds really nice. She wants to wear some of his warm clothes instead of her own, so she does.

“I’m gonna make food quick,” he says, wondering what he can make fast that’s also warm. He settles on oatmeal in the microwave because it means he can get warm food to her in two minutes.

“Thank you,” she says still shivering.

“Hey, come on,” he gets her to get closer to him under their covers so he can warm her up more while she eats in bed.

“This is so good,” she says.

“One day I hope to give you higher standards.”

She laughs with a mouthful of food, and nearly chokes trying to keep it there.

A little while later he says, “I’m gonna get water.” He takes her bowl to the sink then gets them each a glass of water.

He returns to find her still sitting up, but fast asleep.

He smiles wondering how she always manages to fall into deep sleep so fast. He moves her to a more comfortable position so that she’s laying down under the warm covers.

He carefully takes her hand, taking in the new set of bruises that appear around the scars on the back of her hand. She shouldn’t be out doing this sort of thing all alone. She should have backup. She deserves backup. He wants her to have backup. He doesn’t want her to be all alone. He doesn’t think she should be all alone. He wants to help, but he’s not sure how to.

He puts her hand back under the covers then reads a book on his phone while she sleeps next to him.

Chapter Text

“Cassian?” Jyn hears the door close as he arrives home. He didn’t slam it, but from what she hears from the bedroom, agitated footsteps, frustration removing his coat, and a lack of patience while clearing his lunchbox, something is wrong.

She had been programming on the part of the counter that separates the kitchen and living room area, but had gone to get something from the bedroom. That’s when she heard him. She tentatively heads his way. “Cassian? What happened?” She asks him, her voice soft and inquiring.

He’s angry. He catches himself before he says why is your stuff all over the counter because as usual the rest of the place is neat. He’s good at cleaning, but since they moved here she usually gets to cleaning before he does while he’s at work or sleeping, which means she does most of it. She takes pride in their space.

Plus, the counter isn’t the problem. He decides to tell her what put him in a bad mood before he snaps about something unrelated. “Work was bad.”

“What happened?”

He wants to just push it all down like he usually does. He hasn’t come home from work in a mood like this in months, and he definitely hasn’t had someone to talk about it with in a very very long time. Why not tell her? Fuck it, he decides to see if sharing what happened will help. “Too many things. Baze has three new interns, and two of them are fine, but one of them, she seems to take offense that I have an accent. She made it clear that me being ‘foreign’ is somehow a problem for her. She kept making all these passive aggressive comments. I felt like she was seeking me out just to piss me off after awhile.” He puts his hand over his eyes, rubbing them.

“That’s awful, want me to teach her a lesson?” Asks Jyn, and he’s sure she is just trying to cheer him up by saying that, and won’t actually do it . . . knowing she could do it makes him smile just a little. “I can make it look like an accident if you don’t want me to threaten her outright.”

He narrows his eyes at her and says, “I will not take you up on that offer just yet.” The idea of Jyn scaring that woman is a mental image he enjoys. “It wasn’t even just that woman! There was a guy who brought his sister to the ER, and he was drinking in the bathroom! He had those little bottles of alcohol, and he just got more and more belligerent. He would not listen, we had to call security. His poor sister was mortified. There were way more patients than usual too, it was just so close to complete mayhem. Oh! And that awful intern! We had a woman there in the midst of a serious complicated mental crisis, and she told the woman to stop faking it!” That pissed him off the most. “Baze found out and flipped out on her. He started yelling. Churrit intervened, removing the intern because Baze would have kept yelling. Who could blame him? The other two interns seem nice and conscientious so far thankfully. I think one of them is the bad ones roommate. She seemed mortified by her as well. The third one, I don’t think she knew the other two.” He rubs his hand over his face again, and looks out the window. “I am gonna take a shower.”

“That’s a good idea,” she hugs him. “Maybe I can apply to be security at your hospital. I’ll make sure that woman and drunk visitors behave.”

“Please don’t do that. You already work a lot. Plus, the city needs you roaming around taking out bad violent people. And doing this,” he says gesturing at a lot of math she’s done long hand on paper all over the counter. “I don’t know what it means, but it looks important.” He kisses the top of her head before heading off to the shower.

Talking with Jyn then washing the night off leaves him feeling much better than he expected. He’s thinking about going right to sleep as soon as his hair dries, that is until he sees Jyn.

She has done her best to stay in shape even when she was hungry and injured, but he hasn’t seen this part of her home workout routine before. He’s surprised at what she can already do, she must have been more in shape than he realized in the first place. She was small and light, and he knew she was strong. He did not know she was ridiculously strong.

She found a removable chin up bar by someone’s trash while out walking, and currently she’s using it in the doorway between the bedroom and the main room of their apartment. Her back is to him as she pulls herself up and down slowly.

She’s wearing his old pajama pants with charmander and bulbasaur on them, at some point she repaired the knees. They are way too big on her and look like they would fall off if untied. She’s also wearing a thin tank top with a low back over a blue sports bra. She has on big warm socks as well. Her improvised workout clothes are entertaining.

She must have just started because she’s not sweating yet. He can’t look away, finding himself entranced by the muscles flexing all across her back and arms. She’s alternating between slow two handed and one handed pull ups. Her knees are a little bent and one ankle is wrapped over the other.

She’s gorgeous.

They’ve been waiting for one if his days off to get really intimate.

He doesn’t want to sleep anymore. She can breathe normally, she isn’t bruised all over, and her fractures have healed.

Maybe he doesn’t want to wait for a day off anymore.

Hopefully she also doesn’t want to sleep just yet, and maybe doesn’t want to wait anymore either.

He walks up behind her. She can hear him coming of course, she’s hyper aware so he really can’t surprise her. He also knows enough not to surprise her because that can lead to him being injured. He still says something as he puts a hand on her back to feel the sinews flex under it. “You can always say stop if you don’t like something we’re doing.” He puts his other hand on her hip and lets it migrate under her shirt and over her stomach muscles, feeling them flex under his hand.

She does slow down a bit. “Well, yeah, I remember . . . What’s um, do you . . . ” He ducks around her, letting his hand wander higher. She was on her way up, so her eyes are a little above his. There is a mischievous look in his eyes.

Her eyes widen when she realizes what he’s thinking. There is want in his eyes.

Now he pulls the tie loose on those ridiculous pajama pants. The bow comes apart easily, leaving the pants quite loose. They fall off, stopping where her feet are together. She has a small smile when she moves her feet to let them fall to the floor. She’s still half pulled up when she asks, “Now?”

He comes closer, encircling her waist so if she lets go, he can carry her. “Yeah. Is now ok for you?”

She answers by wrapping her legs around him, letting go of the bar, and kissing him hard. One of his hands feels the swell of her ass as he holds her up under it, the other hand and arm wrap around her waist. He carries her toward the bed.

Her hands come together behind his neck. When she kisses him hard, he reacts with need and she mirrors it. Suddenly they’re both more frantic as passion overtakes them. He brings her to their bed laying her on it, following immediately after. Their lips haven’t stopped touching. As soon as she’s laying back, he’s pushing up her shirt. His hand is already inside of it exploring, memorizing the shape and feel of her stomach and breasts over her sports bra as their tongues join the kiss. Her back arches and her breath quickens as he starts to kiss down her neck. He takes every reaction to find which places elicit involuntary movement.

“You’re so beautiful,” he tells her.

“You’re gorgeous,” she says her breath hitching when he finds a particularly sensitive spot by her collarbone.

He stops to take off her shirt and bra. She helps, then he gets his mouth back on her neck kissing down it making his way to her breast. He’s somehow slow and gentle while being passionate. He’s taking in all her reactions and sounds while also crowding her. He makes some involuntary sounds of his own that reverberate through her.

The thought that he’s finding out what she likes with her turns him on more than he expected. It isn’t about her being a virgin, it’s about being there when his hyper capable strong girlfriend who is definitely able to take care of herself has new experiences. That she also routinely brings him new experiences, such as coming through his fifth story window, is also exciting. He’s happy he can be there and help her learn something new that she enjoys . . . a lot based on the sounds she’s making.

Her hands run over his back and sides and through his hair while he pays attention to her chest. His muscles flex under her hands. She loves how he feels warm, soft, hard, lean, and strong all at once. She loves that he’s hers, that he doesn’t do this with anyone else. She loves that she is his, she never wants to do this with anyone else.

They don’t talk much. It’s all moving faster than expected, but their passion for each other won’t be held back any longer. It’s like they are caught in a whirlwind.

“Cassian,” she says in a high pitched tone, as her head falls back and her back arches more as her senses heighten. She didn’t know she could feel like this because honestly, there was never a good or safe time to figure herself out before. His mouth and hands on her tits and his body between her thighs is a fucking fantastic sensory overload. She is breathing heavier when she adds, “Oh my god, fuck, you feel amazing.”

He comes back up kissing her lips, and she adds her tongue in response. One arm wraps around her waist, and the other frames her face. His own sounds of need added to hers. She loves those sounds.

She runs a hand into his pants and over his ass while still over his underwear, and fuck, he’s overdressed. Her other arm is around him pulling him close, wanting to feel as much of him flush to her as possible. He’s warm, hard, and soft, and she wants all of him. She says, “Take these off - ” then she gasps when he quickly moves to her breast and sucks harder than before.

A mewling sound escapes her when she feels how erect he is through his clothes. She can feel him on her cunt and thigh. She involuntarily rolls her hips and the growl and purr that comes out of him sends a shiver down her spine. He gets up, removing his pants and shirt quickly. His body is back on her pressed flush, she lets out a high pitched hum at the feeling.

He can feel that she’s wet, in fact she’s really wet. Her pupils are blown wide, he’s pretty sure his are as well. He wants to go down on her until all she remembers is his name while her body quakes and flutters as she becomes boneless.

“Jyn, can I go down on you?” He asks, his voice comes out ragged and husky.

“What’s that mean?” She asks, thinking oh shit, I don’t even know the fucking terms.

“You don’t - ” he catches himself before he says ‘know what that means.’ He knows her history, why would she? Instead he crowds her, putting his mouth by her ear so every breath gives her goosebumps as he tells her, “It’s when I use my mouth and tongue on your wet cunt.”

She turns to meet his eyes and he can see it. She has no baseline for this. She doesn’t know what to say. He says in a more normal voice, “It will feel really good, and I’ll go slow. If you don’t like something we can stop or try something different.” He does not want to go slow, but he will. “Can you trust me?”

“I trust you,” she says like it’s the most natural thing in the world. She sees relief wash over him.

“I would like to use my fingers on your clit and in your vagina too. It will also feel really good. I’ll tell you before I do, and I’ll take it slow.” He remembers he should be really clear about what he wants to do and is doing because this is all new to her. He should have figured out that Bohdi hadn’t explained fingering and cunnilingus to his sister.

She kisses him. She looks apprehensive, but she says, “I trust you.” She does, she really does. Trust is a luxury in her life, and that she can trust someone, anyone really, like she trusts Cassian is still crazy to her. It’s surreal to be in a situation where she trusts someone fully. “This is real right? I’m not dreaming?” Asks Jyn.

He smiles, “Yeah, this is real. You’re awake.”

She kisses him hard, and he mirrors her. They each hope to convey how real this is to each other.

Soon after, he pulls them both back so they are on the end of the bed with her straddling him. “Can I use my fingers first?”

She just wants all of him, so whatever he wants at the moment should be good. “Yes please, I want you so much right now,” she replies, her voice is husky.

He’s not going to just plunge his fingers into her, he’s careful and methodical. She isn’t some fragile creature, but roaming around her vagina with rough random fingers won’t be appreciated or feel good. His hand is in her underwear, and he starts using his deft fingers on her delicate folds. Soon after he’s inside her with one finger while his others explore her clit.

Her eyes slip shut, she kisses him frantically, has one hand on the back of his neck in his hair, and the other arm around his back. She wriggles and inches higher as he finds new ways to make her oversensitive.

“Fuck, you’re so passionate,” he says just before he explores her mouth with his tongue.

“Me? I can say the same thing about you, you’re making me lose my mind!” That makes him smile. She asks a question soon after, “Is, is it all, uh!” She interrupts herself because he’s so good at finding places inside her that make speaking difficult, “Normal down there?”

“What?”

“My, my cunt.”

“There is no normal vagina, they’re not uniform.” He moves his hand, causing her to squirm. “Yours feels perfect. God, I don’t want to wait, I’m gonna go down on you.”

She vigorously nods in agreement while he moves them both. She gets her hand in the front of his boxers while he sits her on the edge of the bed. She applies what he would describe as an exquisite amount of pressure, and it’s his turn to stop thinking before he gets back on track. When he does, he lays her back with her legs dangling off the bed.

He kisses down her body, removing her underwear, before slowly spreading her legs apart. It’s the first time she’s completely exposed with him. It’s the first time she’s been exposed like this with anyone. She’s feeling more self-conscious about all this, but he’s treating her like she hung the sun, moon, and stars so she doesn’t let those feelings slow them down. He starts kissing the insides of her thighs, getting closer to her cunt.

When he looks up at her, she is filled with anticipation, and she looks a bit nervous. Her pupils are still wide though, so he’s not worried.

He kisses her cunt, then uses his tongue on her slit before carefully using it on her clit. He lightly sucks it as well, then uses his tongue again.

It feels really good, and she can’t stay still. He has an arm over her stomach to keep her from moving too much.

“I’m going to add my fingers again,” he tells her a little later, letting his voice reverberate through her, then he does.

“Cassian, that’s - mmmm - ” she can’t use words anymore. Her body is building to something that she is barely in control of.

His tongue and hand are on her with a faster rhythm, and more pressure. She feels like that something is being built up in waves. She tenses completely and her back arches. Suddenly it’s as if her body can’t take anymore and lets go all at once.

Waves of pure bliss and contentment ripple through her and it’s completely overwhelming. She didn’t know she could feel like this.

Cassian feels her orgasm, and plans to keep at it, using his tongue and fingers on her at a slower pace while she goes through it, hoping to draw it out and start to build her up for another one. Her body is fluttering and extremely relaxed.

Then he realizes something is missing. He doesn’t hear her, he wonders why. He looks up at her to see her biting her hand rather than cry out. It’s bleeding. Shit, there is blood on her neck and chin from her hand. He gets up, immediately trying to stop her, “Jyn, hey, stop please. You don’t have to do that.” He’s trying to get her to stop biting it while she is still in the middle of a lovely orgasm haze.

That felt amazing! What’s he saying now? I feel so good and relaxed. My what? My hand? She is much more aware all at once, “Shit, I’m bleeding. Oh shit, shit, shit, sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s ok,” he replies. He’s lying, it sucks. He’s trying to keep worry and frustration out of his voice.

“Fucking photons,” she says. She can hear disappointment in his voice. He loves the sounds I make when we fool around, just like I love his sounds, and I just stifled them? And I’m fucking bleeding. We haven’t even fucked yet!

She starts pleading, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to ruin this.” How do I fix this? “You made me feel amazing, I didn’t know I could feel that way. I’ll clean it up quick and then I wanna make you feel good too. Please?”

She looks half panicked, half confused, and completely embarrassed. He’s already put it together, though he’s still frustrated and disappointed (not in her), maybe he should have seen this coming. “Hey, it’s ok, we’re ok. You’ve spent the last sixteen years hiding your feelings right? Is this an automatic response?”

She is trying to stop freaking out so she focuses on answering his question. “It can’t be though because I’ve never done this before. I mean, felt like that. I’ve bit my hand to keep quiet before. Maybe . . . shit . . . maybe you’re right.” She stares at her hand. That’s a deep bite. She admits, “I bite too much.” They both snort at that comment.

“Let’s fix you up,” he says as he guides into their bathroom. Her legs are still wobbly, and ok, that makes him happy. If she’s still having trouble walking from the orgasm, it means it was powerful. He takes some pride in that.

He starts to clean her face, then she takes over doing that. He gets out the first aid kit, and gets to work on her hand. She bit deep, it will take longer than he thought to fix her up and require steri-strips.

He asks her with a small smile that definitely reaches his eyes, “So, did that feel really good?”

“Yes! As if you couldn’t tell. Really good is an understatement, that was amazing! You’re incredible. I mean. Did you learn to do that in some kind of sex class or something?”

He laughs, “That good? I have not taken sex classes, I just pay attention to you.”

She’s cleaned off the blood completely. She continues, “Well, then you’re amazing at paying attention. It was so good that I did nearly bit through my own hand because I think you were right and apparently my instincts still demand I stay quiet,” she replies, reddening. He kisses her before getting back to work. In a quieter voice she adds, “I’ll work on that. I know you like all the sounds I make when we’re . . . doing stuff, so I don’t want to stifle them. I love all those sexy sounds you make too. Can we . . . umm . . . can we still have sex? Or do other stuff?” She gets frustrated with herself, “I don’t know the fucking vocabulary!”

He laughs again.

“What?!” Why is he fucking laughing?

“You are amazing, you’re smart, you’re crazy strong, you have not one, but two superhero nicknames, but at least I can do something new and different for you. I want to make you feel amazing over and over. Please don’t worry about the vocabulary. You don’t have to be good at words. I mean, now that I know how it feels to have you orgasm with my tongue on your clit and my fingers inside you, I want to do it again and again and again. I don’t want to keep my hands off you.” He wraps her hand once the steri-strips are in place, then begins to wrap the other one.

“Wait, why are you wrapping that hand?”

“To deter you from biting it when you come.” After a pause, he gets close and looks deep into her eyes with an intensity that takes her breath away, he informs her, “We’re not done.”

That sends a shiver through her. She stares at him wide eyed and can’t help but smile. He finishes wrapping her other hand, then immediately frames her face while kissing her passionately. He wraps his arms around her waist and is about to drag her back to their bed, but she comes willingly. His enthusiasm is intoxicating.

“Ok, I don’t know absolutely nothing, you need to come too.”

“I will, but first, I want my hands all over you. Also, we may need a few things. I have condoms, latex free just in case, and lube.”

“I get why you have condoms, but I’m pretty wet. Why do we need lube?”

He hesitates, “The first time, well, isn’t always the most comfortable. Lube will help. It’s good to have around anyway.”

Now she’s frustrated. “Bloody fucking hell, I am fucking ridiculous! I need a book called something like You and Your Vagina! Seriously! I was way to successful at - ” Then talking becomes difficult, because he’s behind her and his fingers are back gently exploring her clit, “Cassian,” is all she says in a high pitched voice as his touch reignites her oversensitive nerves. Eventually she adds, “Why latex free?”

“Because during sex is a bad way to realize you have a latex allergy, and a good way to end up in the ER.”

“Does that happen lot?”

“No, but it happens with some regularity.”

She laughs, “Your job is fucking bananas.” She forgets how words work as he moves her hair to kiss down her neck, while his hand not currently pleasuring her cunt runs down her chest and stomach and pulls her close.

She wants to explore him as well, one hand reaching back to card through the hair at the back of his head, and the other hand behind her on his ass then running down his thigh. She backs as close to him as she can while he pulls her as close as possible.

“Your cock is huge,” she feels it at her back. Then she pulls his hand away from her vagina. “It needs a break.” She reaches back to close her hand around his cock, running her hand up and down it slowly.

He briefly feels bad she removed his hand from her cunt, but this is the most attention it’s ever received, so he can see why she needs a break. Then she wraps her hand around his cock, and god that feels good. “Jyn - ” is all he says as his head drops to her shoulder.

She lets go to turn and push them both back onto the bed. She crawls up over him. She drops down to plant a kiss on his lips while her necklace runs up his stomach and chest. She moves the pendant to her back before laying on him. Her hand is around his dick again, and he notes, she also pays attention because it feels just right.

She’s memorizing him too. She feels fluid leaking from the tip of his cock and uses it on her hand to make it more slippery. She realizes it’s semen, and is that a little or a lot? Now she’s getting nervous. “Bohdi mainly explained how to not get pregnant and how to avoid STIs.” She pauses and thinks about how to say what she needs and wants. She doesn’t have a great or sexy way to say it. “I don’t know what to do next, like I know how it works, but do I give you a blow job then we fuck, or . . . is there some other stuff I don’t know the name of?” She is trying to ask without being too self-conscious as it’s clear that Cassian has been doing everything in his power to help her be comfortable asking questions.

She doesn’t quite manage it. She looks uncomfortable now, and she shouldn’t he thinks to himself. Of course she’s heard of blow jobs, there’s such a hyper fixation on them in society. He does not want one today. Instead he starts to sit up and kisses her gently, while she wraps her arms around him before he wraps his around her holding her close. Then he looks into her eyes. “How about I explain as we go, if we keep going? Do you want to do more? We can take a break and try more another day if you want to.”

A small smile appears on her visage, she’s happy he’s offering choices. He can feel her relax in his arms and he’s relieved that he said the right thing.

She says, “Let’s keep going. Narrating sounds good. You are good with words, and all this sexy stuff. Besides, it’s bad if you stop before you come right?”

“Not really, I can just masturbate later if I feel uncomfortable. I mean it when I say I’ll always stop whenever you want to stop.”

She believes him, of course she does. The implications of all of this trust and love still hits her hard sometimes, and right now she feels incredibly lucky. “Cassian, it’s, I . . . sometimes I wonder if I’ll wake up and find out this was all a dream. I never imagined I would trust someone the way I trust you. I love you.”

Her eyes are soft and full of wonder, and her words take his breath away. This is deep and beyond his usual relationships. I also love you and I also trust you feels like a wholly inadequate response. He says what he can, “You’re awake, we’re awake. I love you Jyn.”

She’s out of words and wants to try more. She wants more. She wants more, she can actually want finally. She kisses down his neck slowly, but with increasing pressure. She reminds him, “Tell me what’s next.”

He moves to lay her back, to be over her and between her legs. Then he does as she asks, explaining as they go.

When they actually have sex, he was right, she does not find it comfortable. He has a condom on and they are making liberal use of lube.

“Cassian, you’re too big, it won’t fit.”

“I’m not that big.” He’s a little above average.

“Are you fucking kidding me? I don’t believe you. How’s that even fit? You said my vagina is perfect.”

“It is, your cunt is perfect. I don’t want to talk about dick sizes right now.”

She laughs, “Really? Ok fine.” This is a little absurd.

He assures her, “It gets easier, it won’t always be like this. It will feel good, it’s just different at first. We can stop.” He’s worried that she seems uncomfortable, “We can stop, we don’t have to do this today.” He starts to pull away.

“No - ” She stops him. She wraps her legs around him tight. She looks deep into his eyes. “I wanna feel you come,” she says in a low sultry voice.

“Fuck, Jyn,” now words are not working well for him. “Wait, give me your hand.”

“I won’t bite it,” she starts to say.

“I know, that’s not why I asked for it. Here,” he says as he takes her hand and puts it between them. He guides her to her clit and his base. They both use their fingers working together to add more stimulation He’s going to come soon no matter what, but she won’t unless she’s built up more.

It’s working. “Oh god, oh Cassian, uh, oh, oh Cassian,” her voice is melodic.

That pretty much does it.

“Jyn, oh my . . . fuck - ” he lets out a string of curses as he comes soon after with her holding him close, his weight on top of her.

She loves feeling him go through it. She plans to make him go through it again and again.

They clean up then snuggle close.

“Can we stay like this forever?” She asks in a whisper.

He kisses her temple, “Mmm-hmmm, forever.”

Chapter Text

Cassian: I have a question I’ve been meaning to ask. Do you know Mr. third floor insurance fraud’s name?

Kestral: Henry Marshall

Cassian: Oh, how did you remember so quickly?

Kestral: I know everyone’s name. I knew yours before you introduced yourself too. I just wait to be introduced before I start using them out loud.

That explains a lot. She’d been through his banking before they even met.

Cassian: I probably should have realized that earlier

Kestral: maybe 😋 Hey, so I’m at your work.

Cassian: Which one?

Please let it be Elle Three.

Kestral: ER

Oh no, what the fuck?

Cassian: Are you hurt?

Kestral: No, Kara is here with kidney stones so I’m in the waiting area with Violet

Ah, she must be watching Kara’s daughter. Kara has Jyn’s number?

Kestral: Gertie called and asked me to watch Violet

That makes more sense.

Kestral: Can you bring us some food?

Cassian: yeah, does Violet have any food allergies?

Kestral: no dairy

Cassian: 👍🏻

Kids can be picky, he’s not sure if Violet is. Jyn isn’t. He decides to bring different kinds sandwiches and snacks, hoping Violet likes something, knowing Jyn will eat whatever Violet doesn’t.

He gets there early. When he arrives, he goes to the ER waiting room, which has a different vibe than usual. The first thing that catches his attention is that a show about training puppies to be service dogs is on the TV instead of a show about redecorating houses. People in pain seem to be enjoying it more than the usual station, probably because of all the puppies being featured. There is also more smiling than usual because there is a lot of giggling coming from one corner.

Violet is giggling. Jyn can’t stop smiling.

It’s rare to have children in this waiting room since there is a children’s hospital and ER that parents usually take their kids to. The waiting room here only has a child sized table and chairs in one corner, nothing else is specifically for kids.

“Miss Kestral, you are so silly,” giggles Violet, she and Jyn are coloring and checking Jyn’s phone. They’re both on kid sized chairs at the kid’s size table.

“Hi you guys, I brought dinner,” says Cassian as he makes his way to them, he’s smiling too.

“Mistah Andor, wanna know what Miss Kestral’s favorite Pokémon is?”

“Yeah, which one?”

“Nidorina!” Says Violet as she dissolves into giggles and laughter, because Kestral picking Nidorina as her favorite is clearly just so funny.

“You like Pokémon?” He asks Jyn while trying to recall what Nidorina looks like. He watched the show as a kid and played the games sometimes on his cousins game boy. He pulls up another small kids chair and sits with them.

“Well I do now that Violet showed me so many of them,” says Jyn for Violet’s benefit and with a big smile. She is excited for whatever Violet wants to do. “I’m logged in to Kara and Violet’s Pokémon Go account.”

“She likes Nidorina’s grumpy face,” laughs Violet.

Jyn then attempts to make the grumpy face so Violet will laugh more. Now he remembers what the Pokémon they’re talking about looks like. He has a small laugh when he tells her, “This fits your nickname from Baze.”

Jyn snorts, “Oh geez.”

Cassian adds, “Because what you need, is another nickname.”

She laughs, then she says, “I gotta find nicknames for you. Do you have a favorite Pokemon Mistah Andor?” She asks using Violet’s pronunciation.

“Hmmm,” he pictures it then tries to remember its name. “I have two. The big one that looks like a tiger dog and Pichu.”

Jyn quietly asks Violet, “What do those two look like?” Violet is digging through the food Cassian brought, but stops to show her. Jyn says, “Awe, too cute.”

“So are you guys staying here?” Cassian wonders what the plan is. He hopes it’s not keeping Violet here late or all night.

“We’re waiting to see what’s up with Kara. Violet is going to sleepover at Gertie’s depending when she’s discharged. I’ll come back on the bus and accompany Kara home if she’s discharged late.” If it’s likely that Kara can pass the stone on her own, she’ll be discharged soon, if not, she’ll be prepped to have it removed. Kara now has “Kestral Rook’s” number so Jyn is waiting for her to text updates.

“Tanks Miss Kestral and Mistah Andor,” says Violet as she picks out a sandwich.

“You’re welcome,” says Cassian. “I have to get to work now, but I’ll see if I can get you an update soon ok?”

Jyn smiles and nods yes.

Violet says, “Tell mommy I love her.”

“Oh, that’s gonna make her feel a lot better. I will tell her right away,” he replies with a huge smile. Then he gets up and heads to the back to start his shift.

Kara is one of the patients he’s assigned to so he gets them an update quickly with Kara’s permission. She isn’t going to be discharged for at least a few more hours because while Kara’s stone is moving, it’s slower than usual. They’re not sure if it will get stuck again. It was stuck for a little while before she came in so she arrived with water on her kidney.

Since it will be pretty late by then, Jyn takes Violet to Gertie’s place and comes back to wait for Kara in the waiting room. She falls asleep almost immediately while she sits there because sleeping anywhere is her specialty.

“Your Kestral is something else,” Kara remarks to Cassian later when he comes in to take her vitals again and to give her more fluids.

“What do you mean?” Asks Cassian.

“She’s mean to most adults, a scary beast in a fight, and incredibly sweet and patient with Violet. She’s awesome. I’m surprised Violet isn’t afraid of her though. It was kinda scary when she went after my stupid ex, and little kids don’t always understand who’s who in a fight. I have a video of the fight from a CCTV camera across the street. Have you seen it?”

“No, I haven’t.”

She shows him. There is no sound and the video isn’t close up. He can tell Kara and Violet are scared at the start from their postures. The guy is menacing Kara and Violet is trying to hide behind her. They are backed up against a car and look cornered. Cassian can’t tell if the guy has pulled the gun Jyn took apart on them, it’s too far away, but he can see the guy hit Kara.

Suddenly Jyn rushes into frame and pounces on him. She takes him down fast, pops back up, and that’s when he sees her take apart a gun like an expert. The ex gets up and she immediately pins him to a car and gets in his face. This must be when she breaks his hand because he reacts like he’s in a lot of pain. He runs away when she lets go. Next she turns to Violet and Kara and looks to be having a quiet conversation with them, then her head turns suddenly and she runs away. Two police cars pull up a few seconds later. She must have run into him soon after.

“Wow. I heard about it from Gertie, but I hadn’t seen it. Kestral said he came back?”

“What?! When?”

“Around New Years?”

Kara looks shocked. “Seriously? Shit. What happened?”

He thinks back, “You know what, from what she said, he may have been targeting her specifically. She beat him up.”

Kara smiles, then winces from sudden pains. A couple moments later she looks wistful. “I miss Violet’s dad.”

“Is he - ”

She cuts the question off by answering it. “He’s scattered in the Atlantic. He was killed by a drunk driver.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m shit at relationships. I’ve managed to pick poorly since him. Her dad was the best one. She was a surprise. We were young and dumb and didn’t know what we wanted in a partner, but we did our best to make it work because we love her so much.” He may be gone but his love for Violet wasn’t. “I haven’t dated since the incident in the parking lot. I can’t have Violet go through anything like that ever again. I know there are many great guys out there, but since I always manage to pick shitty ones I’m not gonna date any time soon.”

“Oof, yeah. I understand. How did you meet Violet’s dad?” Asks Cassian as finishes her vitals and switches saline in her IV.

She laughs, “At a drunken one night stand. One broken condom later, our little sweetpea was on the way. I don’t drink anymore.”

His head swivels her way, but he mostly hides his reaction. That’s not a great way to start a relationship. “I can see why, but I’m glad you had Violet. She’s an awesome kid.”

“Yeah.” She smiles. “Kestral looks a lot better lately. You’re being good to her?”

“Of course!”

“Good. Gertie would probably come after you if you weren’t.”

He snorts then smiles, “She would, wouldn’t she.”

Kestral accompanies Kara home on the bus at 3 AM when she is finally discharged.

Cassian contemplates the story of Violet’s conception while he works for the rest of his shift. He knows he should discuss birth control with Jyn because they’re currently completely dependent on condoms. He just can’t bring himself to talk about it because he’s afraid of discussing what happens if they do get pregnant. She loves kids but it’s not like she can settle down. She and Bohdi may be staying still but they’re still hiding from D. S. E. and extremely paranoid. She won’t just settle down with a family, because she can’t. She would have to put a lot more information about herself in all kinds of systems if she became a parent.

He does add pick up Plan B to his list of things he needs to pick up from the pharmacy the next time he is there.

Cassian gets lucky and doesn’t have to bring it up later, because the next day Baze and Churrit bring it up with Jyn directly. Afterwards, she tells Cassian about the birth control implant they recommended she get in her arm. They want to do the procedure with her as a Jane Doe. She asks Cassian if it’s a good idea, and he of course says yes. They’re happy, but they both leave the conversation at that because they aren’t ready to talk about those bigger questions yet.

. . .

Cassian: where are you?

Kestral: Elle’s rink. Need me to come home?

Cassian: No, all set. Just checking in 💚

Now he hurries, he's wanted to see her skate. He hoped to see her skate before she saw him arrive, so she wouldn’t be self-conscious. If she was lost in music, she wouldn’t be whether she knew he was there or not.

Elle let’s him in. The first thing he sees is Jyn wipe out after a jump. She rolls with it, and gets back up immediately. He hangs back, watching. She’s still getting used to being back on skates and also working out on the ice. She warms up more by going around the ice ridiculously fast then she throws in some footwork. It’s quick moves across the ice forwards and backwards. When she decides to spin, he realizes he’s seen her skate before.

Now he stops hanging back and walks over to the wall around the rink resting his arms on top of it. She skates over. “How does it feel?” He can’t stop smiling, and neither can she.

“Really good. I get dizzier than I used to because it’s been awhile, but it still feels really good.”

“I think I saw you skate last year at an outdoor ice rink. You looked so free, just like now. Mind if I watch?”

Elle turns on music and turns the lights down a bit. Then she says, “Less flirting more skating,” over the loudspeaker.

“I don’t mind at all,” she replies. It does feel really good. “Do you have skates?”

“No,” he replies.

“Please stop flirting,” Elle says over the PA system.

“We should get you some so I can teach you.” She kisses him.

“I said more skating less flirting!”

Jyn rolls her eyes and starts skating again, getting lost in the music.

. . .

“Seriously Kestral, please don’t hurt him,” says Bohdi.

Jyn finally has a chance to spar with Luke in a practice room in the gym at Luke’s college. It was just going to be practice, but when Cassian, Bohdi, Kay, Monique, and Leia heard, they wanted to come watch. They say they have come to “supervise,” but they’re really just there to watch the show. They are all curious. Bohdi is the only one actually attempting to supervise and asking for safety measures. The rest of them just figure Jyn and Luke are experts and will be fine.

Jyn replies, “I won’t do lasting damage.”

“Don’t break my boyfriend!”

A wicked grin crosses her face. “But you can kiss him better.”

“I’ll kiss him anyway! Don’t break him.” He gives her the evil eye.

“Ok Bo.” She turns to Luke and she thinks he does not look nervous enough. They do wear some safety gear and set some ground rules.

They start to spar, each attempting to suss out the other’s skill level. Jyn goes on offense first putting Luke on the defensive.

When he switches to offense suddenly, Jyn’s the first one to go down.

Bohdi and Jyn are in shock. She hasn’t gone down in a one on one fight in over eight years.

In the second round, Jyn briefly fakes favoring a defensive strategy before suddenly switching to an unpredictable wild aggressive set of moves to take Luke down. Jyn comes out on top. It’s Leia and Luke’s turn to be surprised.

Then they both really let go, no longer holding anything back. They’re both so skilled that they just keep sparring, and neither of them gains an upper hand.

They both also have some seriously impressive moves. Luke and Jyn are also much more acrobatic than everyone but Bohdi and Leia realized. Jyn’s style is tenacious and aggressive while Luke’s is mainly defensive with sudden explosive sets of moves when he switches to offense.

Cassian really wants to take Jyn home and kiss her everywhere as this is turning him on, but that won’t happen because he can tell she’s going to fall asleep almost as soon as they get there.

The sparring only ends when Jyn and Luke wear each other out.

“Time,” says Jyn. She’s covered in sweat and breathing hard. “I don’t want to be more exhausted than this.”

“Yeah,” replies Luke, equally sweaty and breathing heavily. “Let’s be done. I’m tired.”

“Who trained you?” She asks. She thinks to herself that she should have asked him BEFORE they started sparring.

“Obi-wan Kenobi and well, the second guy mostly goes by one name. Have you heard of Yoda?”

“Yes! Yes I have. That guy’s a legend. Is, is he still alive?”

“Yeah, want to meet him?”

“Maybe, but not yet.”

“Who trained you?”

“Some other time, when we’re not in a public place.”

. . .

Luke has been researching carefully after work, still trying to unravel what happened to his birth mom, who strangled her, and who his biological father is. There was no father listed on his original birth certificate. His adoptive parents were listed on his current one. He doesn’t stay late everyday, usually just two or three times a week. Using what he already knows along with information he’s gathered from conversations with Jyn and Bohdi, and from the pictures Bohdi draws, he’s made some discoveries.

He’s not sure if he should share them all yet. He wants to meet with Jyn alone to discuss a few things first. He isn’t comfortable talking about them with Bohdi as Bohdi’s mind is all over the place. It takes awhile, but he finally sets up a secret meeting with Jyn at night by the salt water canal.

“What’s up?” She asks as she walks over to stand next to him. She puts her arms over the railing and stares out into the fog.

“Well, I have something for you first. The college had these, and I thought you might like a copy.”

She peeks inside the big yellow envelope he hands her, and is shocked. “My . . . these are . . . but how did you know?” The envelope contains Lyra Erso’s dissertation and her other published papers. She stares into the envelope wide eyed.

“Bo said something that made me realize who that other guy you asked about is to you.” Luke figures he shouldn’t say Galen and Lyra’s names out loud. “I looked into it more and realized who she was. We already had all of her papers on file. I didn’t have to request them.”

She’s speechless. She eventually recovers. “Thank you.”

“I have something to ask of you.”

“What is it?”

“Next time you have to leave to get your head around, well, around it, take me with you. I can get time off easier than our other friends and I’ll have your back so you don’t end up with bruised hands.”

“You noticed?”

“They were hard to miss. Bo was especially concerned.” He hadn’t said anything at the time so Jyn didn’t know. “Also, I can help with getting information.”

“True, and you have actual fighting skills.” She thinks about it, “It’s dangerous.”

“I know.” He wants her to understand. “I want a future with Bohdi, and I don’t think you should do this alone anymore. I’m not just offering to be nice, I want to be there with you, to back you up and keep you from being alone.”

“I don’t want anyone else in danger, but I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about how having someone with me would be better.”

“I also found something else,” and he says it in his usual kind tone, but to Jyn it sounds ominous. He hands her a picture.

“Fucking, shit, how? Mmmmm,” Jyn sputters. It’s a picture of Vader, Palpatine, Tarkin, Krennic, her father, a very young Bohdi as “James,” and Jyn. She and Bohdi somehow manage to look solemn, stoic, and scared all at once in the picture.

“I still don’t know how my mom’s connected to them, just that she is. I haven’t shown Bohdi.”

“Yeah, continue not to show him. Bloody fucking hell.” She’s hoping her brain doesn’t turn on her. “Why are you showing me this?”

“Because I need to know their names,” he replies quietly.

She looks into his eyes for awhile, and she’s reading him. He sees curiosity and fear in her eyes. She eventually looks back at the picture and points to Vader, “This is the guy Bohdi saw when he looked at Padmé’s picture. Everyone just calls him Vader. It wasn’t always his name, but I don't know any more than that.” She takes a deep slow breath and closes her eyes. She quietly says while starting to shake, “He’s the scariest one.”

Luke puts an arm around her tight, hoping to stop her from shivering by helping her feel secure.

“And who are the other guys?”

“That’s my dad.” She points to Galen. Next she points to the man in white. “That’s Orson Krennic. He took our family apart and forced my dad to work for him. He shot mum. Dad worked for him directly. This is Krennic’s boss, Wilhuff Tarkin. This asshat here is Palpatine and he’s in charge of everything. The Vader guy works for him directly but so does Tarkin. They’re kind of in parallel. Vader answers only to Palpatine.” She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes. “I can’t say more today, I’ll have bad flashbacks.”

“Oh,” his eyes widen. He hadn’t realized that. He knew he shouldn’t ask Bohdi, but didn’t realize it would this bad for Jyn.

“Where did you get this?” She asks, her eyes still closed.

“It’s from an article in a trade magazine.”

“Fucking monsters, using me and Bo in their filthy garbage propaganda.” She doesn’t know what the article or ad that must have been with the picture was about, but she’s sure it had to be propaganda. It always was with them.

“I, ummm, you ok?”

“YES! No. Not really.” She takes some shaky breaths, “Can you destroy that please? Don’t let Bo or I see it again.”

“Ok,” he replies and keeps her in a hug while her eyes stay closed and leak silent tears. He didn’t expect this kind of reaction from her, and is regretting bringing it up. He shoves the picture deep into his pocket.

“They didn’t do the same thing to Bohdi and I, and I don’t know what they did to him. We didn’t tell each other the worst parts.” Luke still has no idea what to say. Jyn decides to change the subject and says, “Tell me about Obi-wan Kenobi.”

So he does. Jyn thinks he sounds familiar but she isn’t sure why.

Luke asks, “Who trained you?”

She meets his eyes again. “Well, before I say his name, it’s possible you’ve heard of him. If you have, what you’ve heard probably isn’t good. He’s the one who got Bo, dad, and I to safety, so keep that in mind. You love Bo, so remember that he’s a good man regardless of what you’ve been told, got it?”

“Yeah.”

“Saw Gerrera trained me.”

Luke’s eyes go wide. He has heard of Saw, and it wasn’t good. “You’re right, I have heard of him. I believe you when you say he’s good since he saved you and Bo.”

“You better,” she says sounding stoic. “I want to go home now. I think you should ask your Obi-wan about your mum and this company, but do it in person and away from all cameras and microphones.” She starts to leave.

“Wait, why?”

“Because you’re only 22. Kids learn martial arts all the time, but making you into a fully trained MMA fighter by 22, that can’t be random. He had to have reasons. Maybe he could just tell you had great potential, but I think there could be other reasons.” She wonders if it was so Luke would be able defend himself from bad people.

Now she leaves. He thinks he should walk her home, but he can’t get his feet to move. He just keeps thinking. What would Obi-wan know about my mom?

Cassian finds Jyn at home later sitting on the floor in the kitchen. She has tear tracks on her cheeks and red eyes.

“Jyn? What happened?” He asks, sitting with her.

She notices he’s there after a beat. “I don’t want to talk about it,” she replies, in a shaky small voice.

“You don’t have to. I’m here, I love you querida.”

She says, “I love you too you perfect man. I’m trying really hard not to break things.”

“What?”

What do I want? What do I need? It hurts and I want it to stop. She starts to shake a little and an increasing amount of tears start to escape when she tells him, “I want to break and throw everything and scream and punch things and stay here and be in your arms and hide under the covers and hide in a closet and be all alone and be with you and it hurts.”

“We can go somewhere and break things - ”

Then she surprises herself by cutting him off and talking about what she didn’t want to talk about. It just starts coming out. “ - Luke says he wants to go with me if I have to leave to get into their software. He saw my hands. Then he gave me my mum’s geology papers, but I never told him about them. Then he had a picture, and I was little in it, Bo too, and my father and the monsters were all there. He asked me who they were.”

“Show me,” says Cassian. His tone is assertive, because if she’s pouring all of this out of her to him, he has to see more.

She hands him the pile of papers next to her. Lyra Erso’s name is the first thing he notices, then he leafs through them. He looks at Jyn and his eyes are warm. “She published a lot.” It had to have been before they went into hiding.

“Mmm-hmm.”

He takes her hand, “Come on, let’s hide away.” He walks them to the bed.

“This is probably best because if I start breaking things I don’t think I’ll stop.” Later she says, “I can’t live like this.”

“What?”

“I mean, I have to face them, make it so Bo and I don’t have to hide forever, make it so you and I can have a real relationship.”

“It is real!”

“I mean one where we’re not limited like we are now. I love you so much you perfect man, it’s like my heart will burst. I want to be by your side as long as you’ll let me be there.”

“I want that too. What do we do?”

“First I have to face some of this fear, and I have to keep looking for a way to fix this.”

He thinks about it. She’s actually saying she needs to be desensitized. “Can you tell me more?”

“I don’t wanna, not today,” she replies quietly.

“How about you promise to tell me sometime, but not today? Today we hide away.”

“Yeah. Today we hide away. I promise I’ll tell you.”

. . .

Cassian tracks Luke down the next day in the college library. “Show me the picture.”

“Wait, what?” Asks Luke.

“The one you showed Kestral,” Cassian replies.

“Ok. Hello to you too. I just have to go on break first.” Luke is worried, Cassian doesn't look angry, but he is unusually abrupt.

In a quiet room without cameras and computers, Luke shows him and tells him their names.

Cassian decides to get to the real reason he’s here. He asks, “When you offered to go with her, did you mean it?”

“Yeah, I did. I don’t want her doing that alone ever again and I have the skills to defend her.”

Cassian lets out a long breath. “I know she can defend herself, but I don’t want her alone either. She deserves backup. I can’t keep her as safe as you can. I wanted to hear it from you.”

“You want to see if I’m telling the truth.”

Cassian nods.

Luke asks, “Are you satisfied that I am?”

Cassian keeps looking at him, then he seemingly changes the subject. “Do you think she and Bo will stay once they can think of more than just survival?”

“Of course. Wait, what?” Luke feels thrown off by this change in the conversation.

“Think about it. For the last sixteen years, survival has taken up most of their thoughts. When that’s no longer the case,” and he says it like it will definitely happen at some point because he has to be optimistic about it, “they can find out who they really are. I wonder sometimes if she’ll still want to be with me, and I’m not going to stop her if she doesn’t. I think it will break my heart, but I want to see her thrive more than I want to keep her.”

“I hope they’ll stay,” remarks Luke, more to himself than to Cassian.

“Will you still go with her, even if it means you could lose Bohdi? Going with her puts you in real danger, you understand that right?” Cassian has to make sure he does.

“Yes, I will. I understand. I love Bo and want him to thrive more than I want him to stay with me.” Even though he hadn’t thought of this before Cassian brought it up, Luke knows what he’ll do. He knows his own heart.

“Good. Thank you.” Cassian leaves. He plans to hold Luke to his word. What he really wanted to know is if Luke is telling the truth, he can tell when people are lying. He can tell Luke is telling the truth.

Chapter Text

——Third Return Transmission——

To the Rookery,

What was left in does not affect how it is run. It is a trap that if opened, automatically exposes the deeds of the old company to everyone all at once. It had to continue to run properly for me to leave anything hidden inside. I left some information to help with this task in an unassuming repository that will not be noticed by anyone but you. The rest of the necessary information can only be used by someone smart enough to figure it out. If it’s just handed to someone, they won’t be smart enough to exploit it.

Whoever gets this information must be trustworthy and excellent in the same fields as me. They can change everything.

The Lyre harp inspired some of my best work.

I miss you both constantly and everyday. I regret that I couldn’t hide you better. My sunbeam and my stardust, you never should have been found by them. I love you both so much as did your mother, yet I completely failed you both and miss you every minute of every day. You two are wonderful and no accomplishment of mine will ever be better or more important than the privilege of being part of your lives. I hope and pray I see you again someday. I hope you can forgive me, but I understand if you cannot.

The Mill did not fail us, and I am thankful for him everyday. As ever, the Mill is so proud of both of you as well, and happy that you live on.

- The Windmill

——End Transmission——

Jyn is speechless after reading the reply from her father. She’s not sure how long she’s been staring at it when Cassian appears at her side. He’s watching her and gently rubbing one of her shoulders, she thinks he may have been next to her for awhile.

“It’s . . . ” she says quietly and points at the message. He’s quiet, and since she has no idea how long he’s been next her, it means he probably read it already and that’s why he’s not asking her questions like what are you looking at and what does it say.

Instead he says, “I texted Bohdi for you.”

Now she stares at him and eventually says, “Cassian, you’re perfect, and I’m incredibly lucky to be with you.”

Cassian feels at a loss for what to say and how to help, so he kisses her forehead, then goes to the door because Bohdi’s arrived.

Bohdi takes in a sharp breath and says, “Oh my god, I miss you too Papa.” His knees feel a bit weak suddenly and he sits down on the floor. Jyn gets down and sits in front of him.

They don’t really know how to talk about the part of the message where their father pours out his heart, so Bohdi asks, “What does he mean about smart enough to figure it out?”

“I have a theory,” says Jyn. “I have figured out that the programming language he used is actually pretty similar to one he’s used before. In his dissertation, he showed a way to make it harder to understand the language for security purposes. He added a layer of calculus to it, specifically, he used the language then used derivatives to add complexity before it was compiled. The language he used to make their software, I think it’s similar except that he used linear algebra concepts this time. Something is still missing.”

“What do you mean missing?” Asks Bohdi.

“It almost works, but not quite.”

“When he says it’s inspired by mum’s work, is it that he’s inspired by her as a person, or by her actual work, like her geology work?”

“How would? I mean, what?” She has no idea. “I don’t know.” It seems unlikely.

Cassian sits down next to them and gives the siblings each a plate of food. Jyn notes she didn’t realize he’d cooked.

Cassian asks, “What happens when you figure it out?”

“Nothing for now. I may have figured out where an opening was left in the software, but if I just go into it looking around and trying things is out, they’ll see me.”

“What’s he mean by a repository?” Asks Bohdi.

“They’re online places people post code for one reason or another. Sometimes it’s for work, sometimes just for saving it, sometimes it’s to show your process. He published so long ago that he doesn’t have any.” She stops and looks at her food. “Cassian, this is really good. Is it a new recipe?”

“Jyn? I, umm, you really haven’t noticed much since you got that message have you?” Replies Cassian.

“I guess not, why?”

“The food is from Finn’s Cafe. I didn’t cook, and there are bags from his place right there,” says Cassian pointing to them.

She looks surprised, then reddens a little and smiles. “Yeah, I’m not sure how long I haven’t been taking in what’s been happening.”

Bohdi smiles, “That’s my thing, get your own.”

She snorts at that comment before laughing more. They eat together.

When she finishes eating, Jyn tries to find words. She says, “I miss him too. I didn’t know he blamed himself like that. What do we write back?”

“I don’t know. I keep starting to come up with a message in my mind then I scrap it soon after,” says Bohdi.

“Tell them I love you and miss you all the time too,” says Cassian. “I don’t know how you address the guilt or any of that, just that you can still say I love you and I miss you and have it be true. Hearing it from you two means a lot.”

Bohdi nods in agreement. “You really are good with words.”

“I’m kind of going on being nearby in countless emergencies at work. Saying the important part is much better than waiting and saying all the right words in a perfect response.”

Jyn thinks about it. “Then we should reply back soon right?”

“Yeah, we should,” says Bohdi. “It sounds like dad is lonely.”

“But he has Saw,” says Jyn.

“And I have you and you have me, but when it was just the two of us, weren’t you still lonely at times? I was,” says Bohdi.

That hurts a bit, but she keeps that to herself. “I hadn’t thought of it like that. I wasn’t lonely but I didn’t know what I was missing either,” she says looking at Cassian.

They send a reply the next day. They decide to continue to leave out exactly how much Jyn knows about programming and that she’s the one who will be breaking into her dad’s software if she figures the rest of the mystery out. They decide to say she does web development and leave it at that.

——Fourth Transmission——

To the Windmill,

From Sunbeam: I’m doing better lately. Stardust and I are careful and stay off the grid, but we have finally made some friends who are also careful with our secrets. I’m a mechanic and I have a great boss. Stardust does anonymous contract work in web development. She’s great at it.

While I still have problems, they’re not as bad as they used to be. Stardust has been there and helped me since we escaped. She’s the best sister ever. I hope to see you again someday and not have to be hidden away forever, but if not, you should know I love you and miss you too. I don’t blame you for what happened to us.

From Stardust: I love you and miss you. I want to see you both again, but if that never happens, just know I love you so much. I don’t blame you for any of what happened to us, I blame those who did it.

I make websites for people, I don’t sign them or put my information anywhere on them. Bohdi is the best brother, he’s been by my side since we escaped and he’s kept me safe.

We haven’t attended college, but we’ve taken classes. We both like learning.

Making friends who have been careful with our secrets has made our lives so much better. I hope you have a few too.

What are your lives like these days?

- The Rookery

——End Transmission——

. . .

Jyn decides to send another message that she doesn’t tell Bohdi about.

The Padmé connection is driving her crazy, and she really wants to figure it out. It feels important, and her father and Saw might know something. She decides to just ask them directly.

——Fifth Transmission——

To the Windmill,

I have a question, and it’s important. How is Padmé Amadala connected to our old company?

- Stardust

——End Transmission——

She gets an answer to that question a day later, before an answer to their fourth transmission is sent.

——Fifth Return Transmission——

Stardust,

Before Vader was Vader, his name was Anakin Skywalker. I didn’t know him well back then, but I met him a few times. He was completely different than what he turned into. He was dating or secretly married to Padmé, I am not sure which. I just know they were together and committed to each other. She was pregnant when he killed her. He was not charged with murder because there was never enough evidence to tie him to her death. It was also late in the pregnancy, and the child passed with her.

I am giving you this information because as my pupil for eight years, I trust you and know you wouldn’t be asking if it wasn’t vital for you to find out.

Take care and be safe my child.

- The Mill

——End Transmission——

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” She says out loud to no one because she is the only one home. Cassian is at work. “Fuck, hell if, what the? I don’t know how to process this shit.”

She starts thinking instead of saying things out loud.

What the fuck is wrong with Padmé? Why on earth was she with that monster? Can he really be Luke and Leia’s father? That’s batshit crazy. Fuck, I’m not telling them unless I can be more sure than this. I hope to god it’s not him and that Padmé had a side piece. Anyone but this guy.

She doesn’t tell anyone, instead she decides to see if Vader has a relative, then check if said relative is in an ancestry database somewhere. So far she can’t find anything.

Chapter Text

~ April 15th ~

Cassian, Luke, Leia, and Kay left for a game night at Kes and Shara’s house. A few other friends of Shara and Kes are attending as well.

Kes is a physician on a different floor of the hospital Kay and Cassian work at, and his wife Shara is a pilot. Cassian and Kay knew her from their time in the military. Their two year old son named Poe is being watched by his grandpa that night, and is at his house sleeping over.

Game night usually consists of board and card games, and sometimes video games. It also involves catching up and reminiscing.

“Kestral” and Bohdi were invited but decided not to go because a couple of the party attendees post a lot on social media. Monique was invited but also decided not to go after a week of extra long unusually complicated emergency head trauma surgeries left her feeling completely drained. She didn’t want to handle social situations with new people just yet.

A little over an hour after game night began, Jyn starts getting texts from Cassian. He doesn’t usually text her much when he is at an event because he does his best to focus on the present. He usually just texts her - I’ve arrived, or - on my way home, or - see you soon.

Cassian: I wish you were here

Kestral: It’s ok, I’ll see you soon

Cassian: there drink someone brought, and thought it tasted good, now seems off

Kestral: what do you mean off?

Cassian: Everything is ok, no worries

Then there is a gap.

“Seems off” is worrying her. She calls Bohdi. “Hey, is Luke ok?”

“Wait, is something wrong?”

“I got a text from Cassian and he said something was wrong with the drinks at the party?”

“I’m gonna put you on speaker phone, you do the same.” Bohdi texts Luke. “Ok, I texted Luke and he texted back some absolute nonsense. I think you’re right, something is wrong.”

Cassian starts texting again.

Cassian: game night gone bad here

Kestral: I’m sorry, you ok?

Cassian: help, bad kiss, she took picture

What??

Whatever is happening, it’s escalating.

Cassian: photo

Cassian: ayudme

Cassian: por favor

Cassian: jrlp

“Bohdi, he seems really confused.”

“I texted Monique, and she’s coming to get us. We’ll go there and check on them.”

Kestral: I’m coming

Cassian: tjx ifufycig

It isn’t far. Monique looks concerned as they drive, “So Kay keeps texting about how he didn’t know it was the wrong house, how it hurts, how he’s sorry. Do you have any idea what that’s about?”

Jyn does, but it’s not her story to share. She shares what she thinks is a safe amount of information. “I think they’re where they’re supposed to be now based on their phone GPS data, so he probably means something else in the past?”

Monique says, “He’s said similar things about it being the wrong house when he’s sleeping. Sometimes he cries in his sleep too.”

Jyn hears the distress in her voice. “That happened sometimes when we stayed at his place.”

Monique adds, “Then it’s a pretty frequent occurrence.” She sighs, “He keeps saying everything is fine, he’s fine, there is nothing in his past affecting him, and sure, whatever, but that’s not true is it? Something seems wrong, right? I mean he doesn’t have to tell me what happened, but he’s not dealing with it at all. That’s . . . not . . . good right? I’m not crazy am I?”

Jyn and Bohdi both are not sure what to say, but Bohdi has more experience with relationships than Jyn, so he decides to speak up. “You’re not crazy. If it’s important to you that he doesn’t ignore his past, then it’s important in your relationship.”

“Yeah, ok, thanks,” she replies and it is as if she’s come to an understanding with herself. “Hey, after we sort whatever is wrong with them all out, I’m taking you two bowling. I mean another night, not tonight.”

Neither sibling knows what to say.

Monique rolls her eyes, “I’ll make sure people don’t take your picture and that there isn’t much of a CCTV feed.”

“We’re in!” Says Jyn.

. . .

Game night is a shit show. They don’t really know what happened when they get there, but Monique tells Kestral to call 911 when she checks the first party guest. She starts checking the rest of them one by one with help from Bohdi while Jyn’s on the phone. She thinks they have alcohol poisoning.

Soon after, ambulances arrive.

After calling 911, Jyn stays by Cassian and Leia until they are put on a gurney. She has been surveying everything happening since she arrived. Almost all of the guests have to go to the hospital.

Almost . . .

Jyn wants to go to the hospital with Cassian, in fact she wants to ride in the ambulance with him.

Except that she’s been observing, and she has to take care of loose ends first.

The main loose end is a woman she’s never met in person who is acting sketchy. She’s seen pictures of her in Cassian’s Facebook feed. There are only a couple people who are sober enough to stay, and she’s the one that’s caught Jyn’s full attention.

While they are loading Cassian into the ambulance, Jyn sees the woman open her phone, do something with it, then turn it off. Jyn memorizes the passcode.

As the woman is attempting to leave a few minutes later, she goes around a corner heading towards the back door.

Jyn quickly follows and shoves a kitchen towel in her mouth before pinning her to the wall by the back door. The woman’s face and body are up against the wall and she can’t talk or leave. Jyn uses one hand to take the woman’s phone out of her pocket while using the rest of her body to hold her in place against the wall. She puts the phone next to them both on a small side table near the back door.

Jyn says nothing. The woman can see her opening the phone and looking through her social media apps. The woman is attempting to make noise, but thankfully it’s muffled by the towel.

This woman posted pictures of her kissing Cassian! No wonder he was distressed. The captions say he’s her new boyfriend and how happy they are. Jyn opens her own phone and takes pictures of the posts showing the phone in its case before she starts taking screenshots on the woman’s phone. Next she systematically deletes the posts. She unfriends then blocks Cassian on the woman’s social media apps as well.

Next she goes through all the messaging apps. She also starts sending the screenshots and pictures to Han and herself. She sees the woman sent pictures to Cassian and messages in a clumsy attempt at blackmailing him into dating her using the pictures. Jyn takes screenshots then she deletes the conversations and his information from her phone.

Now she opens any photo apps she can find to see more staged pictures the woman took of herself and Cassian, some of which she didn’t post because Cassian looks quite out of it. It doesn’t look like consensual kissing in these images. She sends them to Han and herself before deleting them from the woman’s phone and cloud.

She’s nearly done. She screenshots the woman’s information in settings, and sends that to herself and Han as well.

It’s been fifteen minutes since she started all this. She does another final check through of the apps on the phone to make sure she didn’t miss anything. She decides it’s safe to remove herself and Han’s information from the phone now that she’s sent everything.

She wipes her prints from the phone before taking a switch blade from her pocket and cracking the screen enough to cause this woman serious inconvenience without actually breaking the phone.

She finally addresses the woman, who is still struggling against Jyn’s solid hold. “I know your name, where you live, and I can find you. Even if you change your number and move immediately, I’ll still find you. If you do anything like this ever again, you’ll go to the ER with two broken hands. Understand?” Jyn presses the woman’s back and twists her arm enough to hurt quite a lot to emphasize her point. The woman feebly nods yes that she understands. “Now get out.” She opens the back door and throws the woman out of it then picks up the phone with her sleeve and hurls it after her. She locks the door.

She heads towards the front door and calmly fills a plastic water bottle full of whatever concoction they’ve been drinking to bring to the hospital for whoever is on call. It’s in a punch bowl on a table with other drinks and snacks. It’s the only drink that didn’t come pre-packaged in a sealed can or bottle from the store. She takes a picture of the table and its contents just in case it’s needed.

She’s about to go when she sees a picture in a frame on Shara and Kes’ wall. It’s of Cassian holding Shara and Kes’ son, Poe. He looks to be around one year old in the picture. They both look happy.

Jyn takes a picture of the picture, and only realizes a tear has escaped her eye when she feels it slide down her cheek.

She wants to hold Poe. She wants to see Cassian with him. She wants Cassian to have kids of his own, and knowing him, she suspects he wants them too.

She feels her heart break because she also wants a family and to be a parent. It’s such a painful thought because she sees no way she can have one while she’s in hiding. If birth control failed and she got pregnant now, she had two options she was comfortable with. She would either leave the baby with Cassian and go on the run again alone sending money when she can, or she would give it up for adoption to a nice family to keep it safe.

She wants to be a parent, and that thought of wanting is one she’s afraid to dwell on. It always leaves her despondent because it’s not something she can have until she isn’t on the run and in hiding anymore, and she’s not sure that will ever change.

To her, the picture of Cassian and Poe is beautiful, even though it breaks her heart.

She leaves and pushes those thoughts away while she finds the closest bus route to the hospital.

. . .

Rodma Maddel recognizes Jyn in the waiting room. They won’t let her in to see Cassian without scanning her ID, but that changes when Rodma vouches for her, recognizing one of her past Jane Doe patients.

“Come on, I’ll take you to him,” says Rodma, taking Jyn’s hand. “He’s in rough shape now, but he’ll be fine in a couple hours.”

“I brought some of whatever they were drinking. I think someone spiked it with something. Cassian doesn’t drink much, so this is weird,” says Jyn quietly.

“Thank you. This will help, there are quite a few patients from that party.”

Jyn finally sees Cassian, and like Rodma said he does indeed look rough. He’s asleep, and has an IV, a catheter, a nasal cannula, and multiple monitors.

He’s sweating and looks kinda gray. She feels fear rising inside her. Rodma was right, he looks bad.

Rodma puts a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “Hey, he’ll be ok. I promise he will. He’ll recover even faster now that you brought us this too, ok?”

Jyn nods, not taking her eyes off Cassian.

She tells herself to focus after Rodma leaves. She has to get those pictures and messages from that awful woman off his phone and block her from his social media accounts. She sends them all to herself and Han in case Cassian wants to press charges before she finally removes it all from his phone. She blocks the woman on all of Cassian’s social media apps and on his phone, and she removes the woman’s contact information. She removes the group text messages she sent to Han and herself.

Han had called while she took the bus to the ER, wanting to know why the fuck was she sending all of this to him. She explained and he understood the situation. Jyn also let him know that Leia, the client he was frequently arguing with, was also at the hospital. She suspected he would show up to check on her.

Cassian’s texts to Jyn where he kept asking for help, where he was becoming increasingly distressed and confused, she’s not sure if she should leave them on his phone or delete them. She’s got it all on her phone anyway, so the texts are available if and when he wants to see them, but she’s still not sure if she should remove them from his phone. She decides to ask him what he wants her to do with them when he wakes up. She tucks his and her phone away in her cargo pants.

Now she takes his hand in hers and just watches him.

His breathing sounds wrong. It’s too fast. She wants to ask someone what’s happening, but at the moment her mouth doesn’t want to work and her legs won’t move to go find someone.

Cassian wakes up twice in the next hour. The first time he speaks fast in a mix of Spanish, English, Italian, and gibberish. The second time he vomits, and thankfully she has fast reflexes and gets the pink kidney shaped bowl to him in time to catch most of it. He falls back asleep immediately both times. She cleans him up gently and gets her legs to work long enough to wash out the pink plastic bowl.

Monique finds Jyn a little later. “Kestral, I was worried that you were scared and left. I didn’t realize you stayed there checking things out. Bringing what they drank was really helpful. Good thinking. It wasn’t just alcohol, there is some drug or something in it too and a lot of alcohol that doesn’t really smell like alcohol. We’re still figuring it out, but their treatment be better because of you.” Jyn turns to her and Monique takes in the look on her face. In a quiet voice she adds, “Oh honey,” then she crouches down to hug Jyn, and Jyn hugs her back tight, “Cassian’s gonna be just fine I promise. No one’s explained anything to you have they.” She lets go of Jyn and backs up to look her in the eye.

Jyn’s trying to hold herself together. She thinks, ok, so he’ll be fine. Monique and Rodma know what they’re doing and they said he’ll be fine . . . but he doesn’t look fine. He looks bad. She hates that she wasn’t there to protect him, and that it’s because she’s afraid of ending up in pictures on social media. She would have protected him too since she wouldn’t drink something that wasn’t sealed or that she didn’t bring herself. This was her fault, she should have been there keeping him safe.

She finally says, “I believe you, I’m just . . . I’m scared.”

“It would be weird if you weren’t scared,” Monique replies gently. Then Monique explains what’s happening and why they are treating Cassian and the others this way. She also makes sure Jyn knows who Cassian’s doctor and nurse on this shift are.

Jyn feels a bit better about Cassian’s state after Monique explains it. She also feels even worse about not being there to keep him safe. Monique leaves to go stay by Kay. Jyn wonders if Bohdi is here somewhere by Luke. She finally texts him and he is, though she and him decide to stay by their respective partners’ sides and don’t go find each other.

Jyn holds Cassian’s hand again, then she lays her head down next to them on his bed. She falls asleep quickly because she’s exhausted and can sleep just about anywhere.

. . .

Cassian is attempting to get his bearings . . . again. He remembers waking up, and he thinks he’s seen Jyn and a hospital room, but he’s not sure. He’s trying to figure out what happened. He remembers being out of it, finding it hard to move right, and that woman trying to kiss him and take pictures, taking advantage of his state. He feels gross.

He keeps his eyes closed and listens for a couple minutes. He recognizes the familiar sounds of the monitors, so he’s definitely in the hospital. As he becomes more aware, he feels that there is a hand in his and something, no, someone warm near it. He opens his eyes a little to see Jyn resting her head on the bed fast asleep. He carefully takes his hand out of hers to gently move the hair that has fallen across her face behind her ear.

She starts to stir and opens her eyes just a little bit to look at Cassian.

His eyes are open! His eyes are open and focused! He looks, he looks, “Oh my god Cassian,” she’s wide awake now. She gets up and hugs him. “You’re ok, you’re ok,” she says in a soothing tone. She backs up still holding him but looking into his eyes and examining his expression. She tells herself, Don’t blurt out how scared you were, don’t blurt out how scared you still are, just ask how he’s doing! “I wasn’t scared! Shit.” Erso! What the fuck! Get yourself together! “I’m sorry, the wasn’t what I meant.” She looks away. “Ok, I’m scared.” She bites her lip in a desperate attempt to stop tears from escaping, she feels more emotional than she expected. “How do you feel?”

“Happy to see you.” He remembers wanting her with him when he was afraid. “I also feel gross. My mouth feels nasty.”

“You threw up.” She swats at the unbidden tears that she can no longer keep from falling.

“Hey, you stop that,” he says, some annoyance in his voice as he he takes her swatting hand away from her face and gently wipes her tears himself instead. It does taste like he threw up so he adds, “That explains it. I’m not sure what happened. I remember being scared.” He pauses before asking, “What happened?” He isn’t sure if what he remembers is real, some of it felt like a hallucination.

Jyn lets out a shaky breath. “So, there was a drink with a drug and high alcohol content. I think the high amount of alcohol was kinda masked or something, and now a bunch of you are here.” She could mention his desperate texts now, but she doesn’t want to talk about it. She still can’t wrap her mind around that woman taking advantage of Cassian. “An ambulance brought you and the others here and you’ve got an IV, a catheter, that thing in your nose, and other stuff, so you’re getting better.” She smiles at him, hoping he’ll smile back.

He isn’t smiling. He’s staring at her like he’s trying to read her mind. She feels uncomfortable.

She finally looks down and quietly asks, “What do you remember?”

“Arihnda brought punch,” says Cassian. Jyn figured it had to have been her. It was her phone that she went through. Cassian sighs, then looks down, his eyes track back and forth. “The ambulance. Did you call them?”

“Yeah, I did. Monique, Bohdi, and I went to check on you all.”

Cassian realizes he’s not going to find out what happened from her unless he asks her a lot of questions. She’s telling him the bare minimum. She looks quite nervous, and he can see the fear that she is trying to hide. “Did I text you?”

“Yeah.”

“Is my phone here?” What the hell did I text her? And did I kiss that woman? Does Jyn know about that? Oh shit, what does Jyn know? If I remember right, I should fix things. I have to fix things! It wasn’t what it looked like, I didn’t want that woman kissing me. I wasn’t a willing participant.

She replies, “It is, but it’s all set. I’ll go find your nurse.”

He catches her arm as she gets up, “Wait,” Her eyes snap to his. All set? Shit. “No need for that. I feel lousy, but I’m ok. I’d like to see my phone now.” He’s pleading with his eyes, he wants to sort this out now.

“Ok, but I have a question first.” She looks down then around as she continues, “So, umm, I thought the texts you sent me might be a lot to see. Would you like me to delete them before I give you your phone? You can still see them later on mine . . . if you want to.”

This makes him even more nervous. “Not really? Look, I’m not sure what happened and what I imagined happened.”

Oh no, he must remember a lot, “We can sort it out later, we don’t have to do it now. Let’s get you better first.” He is less gray now thankfully, but he’s still sweating too much and breathing too fast.

He starts speaking faster, “But something bad may have happened, and I don’t want to forget - ”

“ - I kept evidence so you can press charges if you want to. I took it all off of her social media and phone and off of yours as well. Cleaned up the cloud too, took all your contact info off of her phone and yours as well, unfriended her, blocked her, all that stuff. You can rest and get better. It’s, it’s all available for . . . later.”

“Press charges? What?” He rubs his eyes and forehead with his hand. “God, I can’t - ” He takes his hand off his face and looks back up at her, “Please just tell me everything.” He isn’t sure what to say, or what to think, he has so many questions. Then he remembers something else she said earlier. “Wait, you called 911? On your phone?”

“Of course.” 

Her paranoia runs so deep, her making that call on her own phone and not someone else’s is an expression of deep love from her. Now he smiles. “Can I see?”

“Why?”

“Because that’s huge, and I know you. I know what it takes to do that. That’s real. I want to see it, to mark the occasion.”

She gets very red, but she shows him her call log. At the top there is a call to Han, below that is a missed call from Han, and below that is an outgoing call of 911.

He’s staring at her call log with affection. “I need a screenshot of this.” She takes one and sends it to him, she has small smile while she does. Cassian asks, “Why did you call Han?”

“I sent the evidence to him in case we need it. He knows how to handle this kind of thing.”

Now Cassian looks unhappy, Han is not his favorite person, he thinks he’s kind of a dick. “Hmmm . . . Please just tell me everything else that happened.”

She doesn’t get to yet because that’s when Cassian’s doctor and nurse arrive with information, explanations, and questions. After they leave Cassian asks her what happened again.

She does as he asks and tells him, though he can tell she is sharing a simpler sanitized version of events. When he asks to see the photos on her phone, she says no. She just lets him see the texts he sent her from his own phone.

“Please?”

“No.”

“But Han has them?” He’s honestly still concerned.

“He and Rey are really helpful with that stuff. They take privacy seriously.”

“I still don’t know if I like him having them.” Then he adds, “Look, I’m not fragile, you can show me the rest.”

“I said no!” She’s losing her patience. “Today you are fragile. I am too.” She looks down, it’s been a lot to deal with. “So not today.”

“Why not?”

“They’re,” distressing? Depressing? She’s not sure what the right words are, but it’s written all over her face.

“Is it that bad?” He asks quietly.

“Well, it clearly wasn’t consensual. I’m sorry.” She’s trying not to cry again, and it’s not really working.

At the time he was so confused but some part of him was worried she would see the pictures and be mad at him. She wasn’t. He thinks he should have realized that at the time, he only needed to worry about getting himself out of that situation. He still wishes she hadn’t seen them, they can’t be good. He doesn’t want to think of Arihnda kissing him anymore, he wants to get out from the shadow she’s cast over all the events and lighten the mood instead. “Fine, I’ll wait. But you owe me.”

“What do I owe you?” Jyn asks, sounding incredulous, distracted from the tears.

“For waiting, you owe me.” He then gives her the most haughty shit the eating grin.

“What do I owe you?” Now she’s starting to smile.

With some mirth in his voice, he says, “This is what you owe me.” He pulls her onto the bed next to him and gathers her close, gently wiping away the tears with his thumb so she’ll stop swatting at her face like a little kid, then he keeps her hands in his. “Rest with me, and tell me about when you threw that woman out the door again.”

“What about it?”

“Like how far did you throw her?”

She smiles and narrows her eyes, “Pretty far. I was thinking I should work out more so I can throw her farther.” She carefully snuggles closer to him.

He laughs, “As if you aren’t working out enough already.”

When she’s asleep a little later, since she’s such a deep sleeper, he tries to get her phone to look at the pictures to see how bad it really was.

“Don’t do it,” she says quietly, eyes still closed.

He says nothing, but he stops trying to get to her phone. He kisses her forehead instead.

. . .

“I really can’t come?” Asks Kay.

“Not tonight. It’s Bohdi, Kestral, and Monique night,” replies Monique. She pushes up onto her toes to kiss him on the cheek. She’s over six feet tall but he is 7’ 1” so it isn’t an easy feat.

“But it wasn’t my fault.”

“I didn’t say it was!” Says Monique. “I know it wasn’t. Look, it was stressful all the way around so those two and I are going to go bond in non-frightening situation. We can all go bowling some other time.”

“Fine.” It doesn’t exactly sound fine, he wants to hang out with his girlfriend when he can because their schedules are bonkers, but at least now he understands. “I hope you have a great time and bowl well.”

Monique laughs, “I’ll have fun, but I won’t bowl well. I’m truly terrible at it. See you later.”

She takes them duckpin bowling.

“Aren’t the balls usually bigger?” Asks Kestral.

Monique sees the issue behind the question. “Yes. Have either of you bowled before?”

“No,” replies Bohdi while Kestral shakes her head no.

That’s what Monique was wondering. She wasn’t sure if Kestral or Bohdi had a frame of reference for this other than on tv or something. “Ok, so usually the pins and balls are bigger, unless it’s duck or candlepin bowling. There aren’t many of those kinds of bowling alleys anymore.”

After they each take a couple turns and after a lot of laughter, while it’s Bohdi’s turn, Kestral asks Monique, “Is this how you normally do at bowling?”

“Yes, why?” Asks Monique, already starting to smile because she knows where this is going.

“It’s just, you’re not really good at it.”

Now Monique starts laughing. “I know, it’s still fun though isn’t it?”

“Yes!” Says Bohdi who has just finished his turn. “I think we need those things that those kids over there have.” He’s indicating bumpers in the gutter.

They start giggling more, “You’re probably right,” says Monique. All three of them have abysmal scores. “In all fairness, I don’t actually get to do this often.”

“Really?” Replies Kestral in an exaggerated way.

“I know! Hard to believe right?” Says Monique as she goes to take her turn.

As the night goes on, they get to know more about each other. Kestral asks, “How did you know you wanted to be a neurosurgeon?”

“Well, I wanted to be a lot of things first. It took awhile before I narrowed it down. When I was little I wanted to be a zoologist, an astronomer, and Santa Claus.”

“Santa?” Says Bohdi.

“Yeah, it sounded fun. My brothers were scandalized by the idea. I have younger brothers, no sisters.”

“So Santa to brain surgeon.”

“Not quite. I was the kid who was good at a lot of subjects. Later I wanted to be a mathematician, an astrophysicist, and a geologist. If I worked on the composition of stars, I could have been a bit of all three. I still liked biology a lot, and got down to mathematician, geologist, or biologist, and kind of on a whim picked biology. Soon after I decided to go to med school and when I was doing different residencies, I decided to be a neurosurgeon. I feel like having studied a bit in so many different fields helps me a lot. I look at each surgery with all my medical knowledge, but sometimes something else I studied like linear algebra or advanced physics helps me figure out something that I otherwise wouldn’t have put together.”

“Like when you studied to be Santa,” deadpans Kestral.

Monique snorts, “I actually have used my Santa observations for work.”

“Wait, really?” Asks Bohdi.

“Yeah, when I wanted to be him, I would closely observe the Santas. I noticed that a lot kids were afraid to sit with Santa. Then one time I was at some kind of kids party and Santa came in and handed out gifts to kids before taking pictures. None of them were afraid to take a picture with Santa that day. That was when I was eight. Now, if I have a patient who’s young, I bring a gift first. It helps a lot because unfortunately by the time I see them, they’re having scary complicated issues. Anything that helps them feel more comfortable is good. When the doctor gives you a present, it helps. If they have siblings I send them home with something for them too since they all usually worry for each other.”

“So then you kinda did become Santa,” remarks Bohdi.

“Yeah, I did didn’t I?”

They get bumpers for a second round of bowling, their scores are a little less abysmal that round. They still have a lot of fun.

Jyn thinks about Monique’s story of using multiple fields of study quite often, because it feels like it’s at least part of the answer to her father’s code.

Chapter Text

Arihnda did move and change her number two days after the party she ruined where she sexually assaulted Cassian. Then the next day Jyn arrived at her door, scaring the shit out of her. She made sure Arihnda understood that she couldn’t hide. Her message was received.

Meanwhile, Cassian felt pretty down on and off since the party with the unwanted kissing incident and advances. It was partially because he wasn’t sure if she’d put her hands on other parts of him, partially because she’d kissed him a few times, and partially because he thought Jyn was less attracted to him after seeing him in the hospital and in those pictures. His memories from that night remained somewhat jumbled. He did eventually look at the pictures on Jyn’s phone, and that hadn’t exactly cleared things up. He just felt worse.

So Cassian and Jyn tiptoed around it all week. She was afraid of hurting him by being intimate before he was ready so she was trying to closely read his mood while giving him space to take the lead. She also wanted to fuck him senseless because, well, she enjoyed it, but also because she wanted to make sure she was the woman he felt and remembered all over his body, and so that he felt desired. She still wasn’t going to push him into it until his was ready. She didn’t think it was going well because mind reading wasn’t something she was good at.

She also blamed herself for not being there to keep him safe when he was in danger.

They kept waiting for the other to take the lead and talk about what happened.

They talked a bit about the pictures. Cassian asked her to take them off her phone. She was only willing to take them off if she backed them up somewhere other than just with Han.

Jyn argued, “Shara and Kay are thinking of pressing charges too. Also, I don’t look at them, but I can’t just get rid of them!” It wasn’t completely true, she looked at the picture of Cassian and Poe more frequently than she would ever admit, even to herself.

“But Han has them!” Replies Cassian.

“I’m not comfortable with them only being one place! Look, I’m not happy having them, it’s just important to protect you in case she comes back or something.”

“Fuck, I hate this.”

“Cassian?”

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore,” he says turning away.

“Ok,” she replies softly, wishing she had said it all in a better way so he wouldn’t turn away again. It was driving her crazy, she felt she was so bad at this. She also continued to blame herself for not being there to protect him in the first place.

So they were both just off. They kept dancing around that something they couldn’t quite put their finger on. The real problem was that they had different assumptions of what was bothering the other and didn’t want to bring it up.

Jyn finally breaks first. Just before Cassian leaves for work one night a little over a week later, she can’t take it anymore. She decides to at least tell him how she feels at fault for what happened so she can apologize. She looks everywhere but at him while she does. She suddenly blurts out, “I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I should have been there to keep you safe.”

He narrows his eyes and stares, trying to read her expression. She still won’t look at him. Of all the things he’s thought she could be thinking about since that night, it never even occurred to him that she thought she was at fault. “Wait, all this time, have you been blaming yourself for what happened?”

Now she meets his gaze. “Well, I blame her too, but yeah. I should have been there keeping you safe.”

“How can you?” He pauses and takes a breath, “You should not be blaming yourself at all.”

“But I should have been there, not somewhere else because I’m afraid to be in pictures.”

“Even if you were able to come that night, you’ll still never be able to keep me safe 24/7, just like I can’t keep you safe all the time!” This is crazy. He comes closer, and he sounds like a teacher lecturing a wayward student. “Will you blame yourself every time something happens and you can’t keep me safe? If you blame yourself for something like this, it will be a never-ending blame game. Do you blame me when you’re in danger?”

She gives him a hard stare because she doesn’t know what to do with this new perspective. She’s been blaming herself for over a week now. “I still wish I’d been there.”

“I wish you were there too, but you, zero - blame. Got it?”

“I can blame myself if I want to!” She thinks a moment, then tries to smother a laugh, “I sound fucking absurd.”

“Maybe just a little,” he replies, a smile back on his face.

She quietly asks a new question, “Can I kiss you?”

He’s surprised at the question. She hasn’t avoided him, but he could tell she’s been giving him space. “You want to?”

“Of course I want to, if you’re ready, and ok with it. I’m with you as long as you’ll have me. So, can I?”

“Yeah.”

She does, and it’s soft, gentle, and sweet. And it’s time to leave for work. “I love you Cassian. See you in the morning.”

“Love you too.” He heads out to Kay’s car.

When he arrives home from work the next morning, Jyn is waiting for him. She wearing sweatpants and one of his button down shirts, though she’s only fastened the two top buttons.

“Morning,” she says. After he closes the door behind him, she adds, “I have something to show you in the bedroom.”

His eyes widen a little, wondering what on earth that means.

She says, “Clear out your lunch first. Are you hungry?

“Oh,” he starts clearing it out after hanging up his coat and leaving his shoes by the door. “I’m not hungry.”

She nods and starts blushing walking towards their room. He idly wonders what this is about as he follows her. For once, he hasn’t figured out the obvious.

In their bedroom, she has fairy lights set up. She walks to his side of the bed while he closes the door behind them. She steps out of the pants, then unbuttons the shirt before shrugging it off. She is wearing purple see through lacy hipster underwear, a matching purple lacy see through tank top with a low v neckline, and a teal push-up bra under that purple see through top.

His mind kind of blanks.

She’s stunning.

“Leia didn’t buy me these. I did.” Her eyes dart around and while the room isn’t brightly lit, he can tell she’s blushing even more now. He hasn’t moved so she adds, “We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to. I’ll wait until you’re ready, and I can put this all back on when you are, if you want.”

His brain reboots. She definitely still finds him attractive if she went out of her way to set up their room and wear something so fancy with him in mind. He quickly crosses the room and kisses her hard while pulling her close to him. She wants him and he wants her. He wants all of her. He decides he’s going to show how just how much, and how much he’s missed being with her like this. He’s relieved to know that he’s still wanted by her. He pulls back and asks, “Can I see?”

“See? I mean I’m already here,” she replies, confused at the request.

“I mean, turn,” he says while indicating a turning motion with his finger. She’s in see through clothes, but probably not for long, so he wants to take her in first.

She has a small shy smile while she slowly turns letting him take in every angle. “You like?”

“What do you think? You’re gorgeous, and you’ve got your titties up like you wanted.”

“You remember!” She replies. She says nothing else because the moment she finishes turning around, he’s back on her.

He fits in, “I love you Jyn,” while kissing her hard. He wraps one arm around her waist before it migrates lower while the other wraps around her shoulder and neck and his hand is in her hair. He feels like he’s been starving, and right now he is voracious with her. He keeps pulling her as close as possible and his hands are everywhere.

She lets out a high pitched gasp in surprise, and wraps him up in her arms. She has one arm around his hip with her hand on his ass while the other tousles his hair then wraps around his shoulders. Her hands roam as well, and they both hum when they exhale. “God you feel amazing,” she says. Having him back in her arms feels wonderful.

He picks her up and sits her on their bureau so her neck is at his eye level. Her legs wrap around his waist and she pulls at his shirt, eventually getting it off of him. He leaves a trail of kisses down her neck while holding her so close and tight. She feels like she couldn’t get away even if she wanted to (and she doesn’t want to). He’s in control and currently she’s just trying to keep up.

He looks back up into her eyes before tracing the tops of her breasts with his fingertips where they are spilling out of her bra, all while keeping her in place with his other arm around her. She has goosebumps and her hands are everywhere. He has a question, and he asks while keeping eye contact. “Is this pace ok or too intense?”

“It’s good, please don’t stop,” she pleads. Her eyes are wide and she’s breathing deep.

His reply is a confident wicked grin, then he kisses her again, deepening it, his tongue demanding access. She allows it. Her hands frame his face while his hands run up and down her sides, her back, and over her chest, memorizing her.

She runs one hand through his hair while the other slowly traces his spine from top to bottom. He pulls his lips away and kisses her collar bone, then down lower to where her tits are spilling out of her bra.

He stops and looks up into her eyes again while he unhooks her bra, taking it off and slipping it out from under her top. She runs a hand down the front of his pants at the same time feeling the length of him. He groans before pulling back enough to to say, “Not yet, I have plans first.” He wants to last awhile. The look he gives her sends a shiver through her, and that excites him more. He kisses her chest and breasts through the lacy fabric. “I really like this outfit,” he says letting the words reverberate through her, “and the body under it.”

“I couldn’t tell,” she jokes, before she’s cut off by a gasp when he sucks hard on her nipple through the lacy fabric. She breathlessly asks, “What’s your plan?” She’s wondering what she’s gotten herself into.

He just looks up at her and arches one eyebrow, before getting back to her chest.

Now he takes the strap off of her shoulder and down exposing the breast that his mouth is not currently on. He pulls back to look at them while still crowding her then he lightly traces them both with his fingertips again. It tickles while also making her shiver, and she’s wriggling so he keeps his other arm around her tight to keep her in place. He looks up and intently into her eyes. He tells her, “Arch your back.”

She does as he asks and he’s back on her, one arm around her back, still keeping her where he wants her while his other hand and his mouth are back on her chest. He doesn’t hurt her, but his touch isn’t feather light anymore. He alternates between sucking her nipple while swirling his tongue around it and sucking gently then sometimes hard and kissing back up her chest to her neck, by her ear, to her lips, then back again. His hand runs over her other breast, then up to cup her cheek and back again. He takes the second strap down completely exposing her chest and with the same hand, he runs it over her breast, shaping, squeezing lightly as well.

Jyn’s reactions are becoming increasingly involuntary, and she’s wrapped herself around him more, unable to keep her back arched like he told her to. She hears him open the top drawer and he’s feeling around for something.

He quickly pulls her legs and hips closer to the edge of the bureau. “I have something new,” he says. “I picked up more condoms and lube the other day, well, before it all, but I also bought something to try.” He shows her a bullet style silicone vibrator. “I think using it on you, especially on your clit, will feel really good.”

He honestly wishes he could surprise her with it by having it turned on and on her as an introduction, but he knows better than to do something like that so he’s telling her first.

She has a small half smile and warm eyes when he looks to see if she’s interested. He asks, “You want to try it?”

She nods a small yes, then puts her forehead to his and says, “I haven’t regretted anything you’ve recommended during sex so far, so yes. Did you get that at the pharmacy?”

“No, I got it somewhere else.” He takes both of her hands in his and holds them behind her, then he uses one of his hands to keep them there. With his other hand, he turns on the vibrator and starts nudging by her clit through her panties. The friction from the fabric and vibrations makes for a fantastic sensory experience almost immediately.

“Wait, uhh,” she closes her eyes and bites her lip. She gets some control again, “Can I, can I make you come too soon? It’s all focused on me, oh god Cassian!”

He keeps her hands behind her and his face close to her ear, crowding her with his body, and says, “This is what I want,” now nudging her underwear out of the way to touch her directly with the silicone vibrating tip. He’s light with it, reading reactions from every place he touches her sensitive cunt. He gets more of his hand in her underwear so he can stroke her with some of his fingers while driving her mad with the vibrator. She’s really wet.

She’s wriggling and he keeps her somewhat in place. He kisses her and she kisses him hard, now her tongue pushes for him to open his mouth and he does immediately. She is already making high registered humming noises every time she exhales, and slowly getting louder. He moves the vibrator, methodically paying attention to which places make her move and moan more. He briefly pulls back and says, “You’re so fucking perfect.”

She’s having a hard time forming words, “Cass, oh god, you’re, FUCK,” he’s crowding her and she can’t get away. He’s keeping her so close. He can feel that she’s slowly losing her mind and he’s happy.

“You’re gonna come hard for me,” he says in an authoritative tone right by her ear and she opens her eyes and turns to look deep into his.

Her hips roll again and she looks like she’s at his mercy.

He’s less light when he touches her with the vibrator now and she no longer has control over her reactions. He adds one finger inside her keeping that moving as well. When he adds a second finger inside her and with the tip of the vibrator pushing onto a specific part of her clit that elicits more of a reaction than anywhere else, she does come, hard.

Her eyes slip shut, and he feels and hears her go through it. He turns the vibrator off, and while she’s still hazy he lets go of her hands, he removes his pants, and her top. She starts to be aware again when he takes her down off the bureau to stand her up. She’s still wobbly when he ducks down, swiftly removing her underwear.

He’s decided to keep up the relentless pace to keep her on edge.

He pushes them both back. When the back of her knees hit the bed, he starts kissing down her neck, then down her body, gently forcing her back onto the bed. She’s with it enough now to try to pull him back up to her mouth, but he just keeps going down her body, keeping a hand on her stomach to keep her where he wants her. He traces the inside of her thighs before spreading them more and getting his tongue on her.

“Cassian,” She says his name with a full throated moan as her head falls back. Her hands fist the blankets, and her back arches.

While his tongue is gentle, the pace is excruciating. She tries to sit up while her hips roll involuntarily yet again, and he slowly pushes her back down, keeping his arm over her. When he adds one finger then two, she rocks her hips hard and she’s starting to lose it yet again. When he uses those deft fingers to stroke her from the inside out and to put pressure on one of the places inside her that drives her crazy while his tongue is doing things to her clit that drive her wild, she comes again, and it’s even more intense this time.

“Oh god, Cassian!” Words fail her and she goes over the edge. It’s like waves radiating from her oversensitive cunt, and he’s still . . . not . . . stopping. She’s not sure she can take anymore, but she’s also not coordinated enough to stop him. He’s still holding her in place while his mouth, tongue, and fingers are still moving on her pussy.

She starts to breathlessly ask, “Cassian, please can I - ”

“ - I’m not done yet,” he says interrupting her.

“What?!” Her eyes widen. He licks up her slit one more time before he moves to grab a condom and lube. He keeps one hand on her wet cunt. “Jyn, can you help me take these off?”

She sits up as fast as possible while still hazy to remove the only clothing either of them are still wearing, his boxers. She takes the opportunity to feel his cock with one hand and wrap her other arm around him. “Do we need a condom? I have that implant.”

“It needs a little more time to work.” He gasps and his eyes slip shut as her hand goes slowly up and down his cock.

He has to take his hand off her now to open the condom wrapper. He slides the condom on and she helps him roll it down. She squeaks in surprise when he suddenly flips her over.

He puts some lube on even though she is quite wet. “Hey, put this under you right here.” He puts a pillow under her hips, as he thinks it will enhance the experience by making the angle better for her.

Then he kneels behind her, and pulls her up a little by her hips. When she bends her knees, he straightens one of her legs out and pushes it a bit to the side, then he quickly pushes all the way into her and she cries out in surprise. He moves so he's over her back, holding himself up with one hand, his head to the side of hers. He keeps his mouth by her ear so he can give her goosebumps when he talks and keep her on edge by crowding her.

She gasps, and he pulls nearly all the way out before pushing back in fast and hard, causing her to cry out again.

Now he worries he's gone too far. "Is this ok?" He asks.

“Yes,” she replies, attempting to keep what little composure she still has. "Yes, it's, fuck, it's, keep going." He’s usually more gentle with her, but it’s like he can’t be today. He has to make her feel how much he wants her. He’s voracious and the pace is frenetic and desperate.

He starts moving faster, fucking her hard. The angle is perfect, hitting just right inside, and he is relentless. They’re both breathing hard, and desperate sounds are being pulled out of her. He notices how hard she’s bracing herself so she won’t be pushed too far forward and start hitting her head on the headboard. He takes in how hard and fast he’s fucking her now. He thinks he might need to slow down. “Is this really ok?” He asks her, pulling almost completely out of her.

“Don’t stop fucking me!” Is her answer. “Please, please don’t stop,” she pleads. She’s not sure if she can take much more, but she’s sure if he stops now, she’ll cry.

He’s gonna come really soon but he doesn’t want to before she does. He says nothing. He puts more lube on quick before pushing back in hard, pulling a deep moan from her. She’s not completely dry, but they have been doing all of this for awhile. He lays over her again, putting one arm under her so it’s under her neck and face and he can still hold himself up on that elbow. He’s crowding her again. She can’t get away. His other hand snakes under her quivering frame to find her clit. They’re both covered in sweat.

“I wanna feel you come,” he tells her aggressively. “Wanna feel you come so fucking hard. You’re gonna come for me.”

This time it’s like a tidal wave, and she can’t stop it if she tried. “Oh god, oh Cassian, uh, oh, oh, ah, ah, Cassian,” her voice is melodic. She comes hard, again, and when this orgasm hits her and it’s bigger than the other two. She can’t think. She’s almost sobbing at the intensity of it, and some tears escape her eyes.

“Oh god, Jyn, Jyn,” gasps Cassian, a few seconds later when he orgasms so hard that a growl and moan are ripped from him simultaneously. He cries out at the intensity of it before collapsing onto her. When he gets his bearings, he speaks to her Spanish telling her every romantic thing he can think of, that she’s beautiful, that her cunt is perfect, that he’ll be with her always, and much more.

They’re both still breathing hard and covered in sweat when he asks her in English, “Was it good?”

“What the fuck? How can you ask that? You fucked me so thoroughly that I’m a quivering mess and completely blissed out. You made me come three times you perfect man. You made me lose my fucking mind.”

“But was it good?” He asks cheekily as if she didn’t answer that question.

She laughs, “You are ridiculous.”

“I missed you,” he says, and she knows he means when they weren’t communicating well, he missed her.

“I love you.”

“I was afraid you didn’t want me after what happened.”

“Oh god, no, don’t ever think that. I was afraid of rushing you before you were ready.”

He didn’t realize that was also one of her worries. He says, “Well, I think we cleared all that up.”

She laughs, then moves to get him out of her so she can turn over and hold him close. “Let’s stay here, yeah?”

He smiles at her, he’s happy. “Yeah,” he replies and gently kisses her forehead. “Thoroughly fucked?”

“I don’t know how else to describe it,” she says.

“I like the description, especially because you also said you’re blissed out.” He can’t stop smiling.

They clean up a bit soon after then come back and stay close in each other’s arms.

While what happened still bothers him, he feels much better about him and Jyn.

Chapter Text

~ April 26th ~

“Hey,” says Cassian, as Jyn comes through the door after running an errand. He sounds distraught. “Kes called and said Arihnda moved, do you think Rey and Han can find her?”

“Yeah,” she replies, she looks calm, “Han already has, and so have I. She moved two days after the party so I showed up at her new place the day after that to scare the shit out of her.”

He just stares for a full fifteen seconds before he asks, “What?”

“I told her I would find her even if she moved and changed her number immediately. She did both, so I showed up at her door to make sure she understood that I meant what I said. Just after, I got a text from Han saying she’d moved and changed her number but not to worry because he had them both already. I told him great, and that I already went to her new place to make sure she knew that. I may have damaged his pride a little.”

“Why didn’t you tell me before?” He’s honestly just curious. There have been more than a few times that she should have told him about something because it was the sort of thing that friends and significant others talk about, and she didn’t, though it was rarely an intentional omission on her part.

She thinks about it. She realizes it’s because it simply didn’t occur to her that she should. She says, “It’s because I’m absolute shit at communicating.” She doesn’t say more because what else can she say.

“You didn’t think it was the sort of thing I would want to know about?” There is no anger or frustration behind his question. He just wants to understand.

“Well, I mean, shit. Look, I wasn’t trying to hide it.” She takes in his expression. He’s not angry, he looks amused. In fact she thinks he looks way too amused. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“The idea of you suddenly being outside her door the day after she thinks she’s gotten away, well, that makes me happy. For future reference this is definitely the kind of thing that I want you to tell me about, especially since a bunch of people besides me are pissed off at her. I love you so much.” He catches her in a tight hug, and starts kissing her all over.

“I! I’m! Nevermind, I’ll add this to the list of stuff significant others talk about.”

“You have a list?” he says and he has a cute half smile that she wants to kiss.

“No, but I’m gonna start one,” she replies, and she sounds embarrassed and is getting red.

He pulls her close again then kisses her at her hairline. Into her hair he says, “I’m gonna call Leia, the Dameron’s, then Kay because they’ll all want to know. I’ll keep information about you vague over the phone, ok?”

“Thanks,” and now she has a smile she couldn’t suppress even if she wanted to. She wraps him up tighter, holding him close. He’s always careful with what he tells others about her and it makes her happy. A few months ago, she thought only Bohdi could be trusted to do that. “You are absolutely and truly perfect Mr. Andor.”

He pulls back to look at her with an over the top haughty grin on his face. “That’s me, Mr. Perfect.”

“That’s an excellent nickname for you! You’re Mr. Perfect!” She’s beaming at him.

He smiles, though he’s not sure about this nickname, “So that’s me, Mr. Perfect?”

“Yeah, you like it?”

“I do as long as you don’t use it sarcastically.”

“Of course I won’t! That would ruin it!”

“Ok then, Mr. Perfect it is.” They’re still holding each other. He smiles, kisses her, then says, “I need a favor.”

“What is it?”

“Can you do that thing where you check to make sure no computers can listen in at Baze and Churrit’s? I’m going to start counseling with Churrit at their place, and it would be best if no one could listen in.”

She looks confused. What does he need counseling for? Then she wonders, what do people go to counseling for? She’s never been and rarely uses the healthcare system anyway, so she notes she doesn’t have a baseline. “Yeah, I mean, I already have. No one can listen in in their house, or Kay’s, or Leia’s house either.” She pauses before she asks him, “Are you ok?”

“Yeah. I want to talk through what happened with the party and a few other things. Churrit’s done counseling with me before, he’s really good at it.” Cassian sees that Jyn looks perplexed. “Have you had counseling?”

“No. I haven’t. The first time I’ve been to a doctor in years was when you guys saw me in the ER secretly. Even when I was stuck living with Krennic, he wanted to keep the abuse hidden, so I rarely went to the doctor.”

“Oh god, that’s depressing. I’m sorry.” He pulls her close again, then pulls back to look into her eyes. He runs his hand back and forth on the back of his head while the other is still around her. Now he’s trying to figure out what she thinks counseling is for while not getting too sidetracked.

She thinks counseling is probably good, especially since he’s gone before, but part of her is wondering if he’s going because of her and their relationship. She’s not sure if that’s good or bad. Their relationship isn’t normal given how secretive she has to be in all areas of life.

Cassian can’t read her mind, but her expression has enough confusion in it that he wants to find out what she’s thinking. “You look like you have questions. You can be blunt and just say what your wondering.”

She’s not sure if blunt is the right thing, but he’s been so good to her over and over, she feels like she owes it to him to try and talk things through whenever he asks. “I umm, is it because of . . . Are we ok?”

“Yeah, we’re good.” He kisses her forehead, then continues, “From media and what you’ve seen in the past, what do you think counseling is for?”

“Mental issues.” She doesn’t say more.

Now it’s his turn to be blunt. “Do you think it’s for extreme issues only?”

“I have no idea. Is it just for people with a diagnosis? Wait, no, let me start again. Who is counseling for and why do people get it?”

He smiles, he’s happy she said what’s on her mind. He explains, “It’s for anyone who needs it, and you don’t need to have a particular diagnosis to get it. Insurance can make it complicated, but that’s a whole other topic. There are all kinds of reasons people get help. Sometimes it’s because they’ve been through a lot, sometimes it’s because they need help talking through a diagnosis, and sometimes it’s to help with communication. I didn’t go for a few years after what happened to me, and I wish I had gone sooner. You and I, we’re good and I want to be with you always. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

He kisses her hard then breaks away when he says, “I’ll start calling people.”

And that is how Kestral ends up playing with blocks on the floor with Poe at Kes and Shara’s place the next day. Luke, Leia, Cassian, Kay, Monique, Bohdi, Kes, and Shara are there as well, though they are having a discussion while sitting on chairs and couches in the living room. Only Jyn and Poe are on the floor, but they are nearby the rest of the group. While there are more game night guests who may want to be involved in potentially pressing charges since they also ended up in the ER, this meeting is for people who already know Kestral and Bohdi (though Kes and Shara have only met them once before in the ER after they began to recover from alcohol poisoning and being drugged). Kes and Shara plan to explain more to the other guests after this meeting.

They’ve been talking for awhile when Kay asks Cassian, “Are you going to press charges for sexual harassment and assault?”

Cassian had already decided what he planned to do, so he tells them now. “I don’t want to press charges and deal with courts and seeing her again,” says Cassian. “I want to move past it. I’m comfortable doing that since Kestral scared her so much that I think she regrets it and won’t try anything like this again.” He doesn’t say the main reason he isn’t pressing charges. He can’t risk getting Jyn and Bohdi involved with an official investigation and possible court case. Jyn and Bohdi didn’t ask him not to, they didn’t even bring it up. He just knew.

“She resigned from work too,” adds Kes. She had been an administrator on his floor. “She also lost most if not all of her friends.”

Shara looks over at Kestral who is sitting on the floor playing with Poe. Poe wants her to build, so she does, then he dramatically breaks the building while she gives him a shocked and funny reaction every time. They’ve been playing this game for awhile now. “Hey Kestral?” Says Shara.

No answer, Poe has her full attention.

“Kestral?” Asks Kay, and there is still no reaction from her.

Bohdi knows his voice will grab her attention. “Kestral!”

She looks immediately, and while she’s distracted, Poe tackles her while roaring. “Oh geez,” he actually surprised her, which is rare. She recovers and says, “Oh no! You got me!” then dramatically falls over.

He looks worried so he stands up then pats her cheek and says, “All bettah, all bettah.”

“Thanks Poe,” she replies with a smile as she sits back up. She turns back towards Bohdi, “What’s up?”

“Shara has a question,” he says, redirecting her.

Shara asks, “What was her reaction when she saw you?”

“She looked like she sh - ” and she looks at Poe and stops herself before she says shit a brick. Poe is old enough to repeat random stuff he hears. “She looked really scared.”

“And you threatened her? When did you do that and what exactly was the threat?” Asks Kes. He wants to make sure he has the story straight.

“I did it right after you were all sent to the hospital. I caught her and went through her phone. Then I said I’ll - ” and she stops and looks at Poe again. She decides she’s not gonna say that she’ll break some woman’s hands in front of him. “One sec, I’ll write it down.”

She gets paper from her pocket and writes it out, then hands it over. They all read what she threatened to do to Arihnda.

After they have all read it, Bohdi says, “And now we will definitely be destroying this.” He starts tearing the paper into tiny pieces.

Shara stares at Bohdi’s hands as he shreds the paper, then looks over at Kestral. She doesn’t know how paranoid Bohdi and Kestral are, she only knows that it’s extreme. The paper said nothing more than break both her hands so she has to go to the ER. It didn’t say whose hands, who would do the breaking, or why someone planned to break someone else’s hands. Shara may not know these two well, but she knows she won’t be able to get either of them to testify if she takes Arihnda to court. They’ll just disappear. “None of us are pressing charges, are we.” It’s a statement, though it should have been a question. She doesn’t have to say more. Bohdi looks uncomfortable while Kestral looks fine because she isn’t paying attention to the adults in the room.

Kay is the most unhappy about this outcome. He finally says, “Fine, but only if I can go scare her with Kestral.”

“I want to go too,” adds Monique with a small smile. “I mean, I want to watch and be supportive. I’m not good at threatening people.”

“It wouldn’t be Santa like,” comments Bohdi with a completely straight face.

“Wait what?” Asks Luke.

A block flies between them all and hits Kes in the chest. Poe can throw far. “Whoa!” Says Kestral, laughing. She didn’t realize he was about to do that. “Sorry”

Poe is quite pleased that he made this new lady laugh.

“No worries,” says Shara. “We need something from you.”

“Yeah?” Jyn tries to keep her anxiety in check, she may not be paying attention, but she knows why they’re here.

“Take me, Kay, and Monique to Arihnda’s new place. We want to scare her too.”

Jyn’s not sure if that’s a good idea, but since they haven’t asked her to be involved in a police investigation or court proceedings yet, she won’t say no. “Sure, when do you want to do that?”

“Tomorrow,” says Kay, answering for Shara and Monique. He at least knows Monique’s schedule, and that she is available.

Kestral takes Monique, Shara, and Kay there the next day. Arihnda freaks out when she finds them all at her door with Kay and Monique holding hands. Shara does the talking. She has loud choice words for Arihnda. The rest of them just give her the evil eye. By the time Shara finishes yelling, a few of Arihnda’s new neighbors know she drugged a party full of people and kissed someone without consent. The four of them leave her looking embarrassed, cowed, and sad in her doorway.

. . .

“Hey grumpy,” says Baze when Jyn answers her phone. It’s been a little over a week since the meeting at the Dameron’s.

“Hello,” she is already smiling. “What’s up?”

“Churrit and I are taking Beebee and Artoo for a walk. Bohdi is coming too. Can you come along?”

“Yeah, I’ll be right over,” she says as she puts away her laptop. She’s been working on websites and accompanying software for businesses in the area.

Cassian isn’t home so she texts him an update then heads out. Not for the first time, she marvels at how much she likes telling him when she does simple normal things, like go for a walk with friends, so he knows where she is. It’s still a novelty to trust and be cared for by someone other than her brother. She smiles to herself as she locks the door behind her.

Churrit hugs her when she finds the three guys and two happy dogs waiting for her. He says, “You walk Beebee and Bo will walk Artoo. We’re going to the beach for a surprise.”

Bohdi and Jyn exchange a confused look but still agree to go. They start walking.

“Kestral,” says Baze, “you look so much better than when we first met. How are things these days?” She’s still small, but she’s gained weight so she doesn’t look underfed, and she isn’t injured anymore.

“They’re great,” she replies with a smile.

Baze was hoping for more information, but Jyn will require more pointed questions if he wants to know more. “So how is work?”

“Do you know Lando and Finn?”

Is she changing the subject? Baze wonders, but he answers her question anyway. “I know Lando, I don’t know Finn.”

“Oh, he has a cafe down town. The two of them have gotten me so much work, I should probably pay them commission!” Being consistently paid for work makes her so happy. She hasn’t been stiffed. Only one new client couldn’t pay, but their reason was legitimate. It was a very small business and the owner and another employee were in the hospital after a bad car accident, so she didn’t blame them for the changed circumstances leaving them unable to pay. She did the work anyway. “How is your work?”

Now it’s his turn to smile. He remembers what she and Bohdi were like when he first met them. They were not social with others, and now she’s asking about his life. The conversation continues until they get to the surprise.

Churrit and Baze take them to an outdoor ice cream shop by the beach that has just reopened for the season. They treat the siblings to ice cream, and Jyn and Bohdi pick the smallest size possible because they are not used to being treated. They are cautious and wonder if there are unspoken rules that they don’t know about.

Kay, Monique, Luke, and Cassian meet them there at about the same time and get ice cream as well. They coalesce around a picnic table.

“Kestral,” says Bohdi sitting down next to her, “what flavor did you pick?” While everyone has been chatting the siblings keep gravitating towards each other even though they already talk all the time. They used to live by the beach and are feeling nostalgic.

“Black raspberry, what did you get?” Asks Jyn.

“Mocha chip.”

“Try mine, and I want a bite of yours,” Jyn says, already stealing a spoonful. He does the same just as fast. “It’s so good! Ice cream is fantastic isn’t it.”

“Mmm-hmmm.” He pauses, “Remember dad and mum both used to sneak us out for ice cream as a treat and as if the other wouldn’t approve?”

She nearly shoots ice cream out of her nose because she starts laughing hard. “Oh my god I haven’t thought about that in so long! ‘Oh don’t tell mum, oh don’t tell dad,’ I remember just being so confused because they made it clear that it was vital that we keep it secret, and I just kept thinking, great it’s important that it’s secret. Now why is it secret? I didn't understand the joke. I couldn’t wrap my little mind around it.”

“And when they ‘caught’ us at the ice cream place? The wild excuses they came up with - ”

“ - and had us come up with! One time dad said, umm, uhhh, Bo, quick tell mum why we’re here. You said a purple diplodocus kidnapped us in its big dino truck, and demanded we go eat ice cream or else it would steal all our dishes and furniture.”

“I was totally believable! It was really was the best I could come up with on the spot. And you! When dad ‘caught’ us one time, mum said you could explain, and you, at seven years old, very loudly declared that Margaret Thatcher made the three of us get ice cream, because otherwise she wouldn’t let any kids have sweets ever again.”

“And I said all that with absolute confidence. I wanted to say it while standing on the picnic table, but mum wouldn’t let me.” She scrunches up her nose in pretend annoyance at her mum.

“They had the weirdest flirting style.”

Without skipping a beat, Jyn asks, “Margaret Thatcher and the purple diplodocus?”

Bohdi giggles, “Of course! And mum and dad, they were crazy for each other.”

“Yeah, they were always doing crazy funny stuff. I mean, the over the top fights they had over absolute nonsense like demanding to do the chores first and not letting the other one do them. I get it was fake but they really got into it sometimes.”

“Oh my goodness, maybe a month or two after you guys took me in, remember I hadn’t talked at all yet? Then one day our short mum took down our tall dad in a tickle fight because they both wanted to clean the bathroom. I mean I get she was strong, but so was he! I don’t remember what I said, but I said something.”

“You said, ‘Hey! Don’t hurt him!’ with the most confused expression I’ve ever seen you make.”

“They both stopped immediately and looked at me like they were happy I was there.” He looks down and away, lost in the memory.

“That’s because they were happy you were there. I remember they approached you gently because they didn’t want to scare you. They kept you talking and got me involved too. When we hugged you that night, it was the first time you hugged back.”

They both smile awhile feeling happy and sad at the same time over the memories. Neither dares to say how much they love and miss their parents out loud. It feels like too much to handle today, especially because they’re in public. Bohdi snaps out of it first. “And dad always did all the dishes.”

“And mum always dried them,” replies Jyn.

“Is that why you like doing the dishes?” Asks Cassian. They’ve all been sitting near each other having conversations. They are all close enough to hear each other.

Jyn looks at him, her smile is warm. “Yeah, I think it is.”

Bohdi speaks up, “They would start joking then usually end up chatting about anything and everything.”

“Sometimes they would steal kisses,” adds Jyn.

Bohdi laughs. “I mean, yeah, but they did that even when dishes weren’t involved.”

Luke is smiling, Bohdi insists on washing the dishes that don’t go in the dishwasher unless he’s lost in time. He says, “It must feel like home when you do dishes.”

“It definitely does,” remarks Bohdi. “Hey, I’ll throw these away.” He takes their empty cups away.

He comes back a few moments later and drops a branch in front of Jyn, then he backs up and says, “En garde!” He’s holding his own branch right in her face.

Fast as lightning, they both empty their pockets and in Jyn’s case, she empties one sleeve as well, and deposit their stuff in front of Luke who is closest to them before they start running down the beach with their improvised swords. They stop to tug their combat boots and socks off while still moving, leaving them behind as well. There are very few people at the beach right now, and the waves are loud.

When Luke seems at a loss of what to do as he is still trying to figure out what’s happening, he doesn’t immediately pick up their stuff. Cassian sees what they left behind and puts it all in his pockets quick, because the contents of Bohdi and Jyn’s pockets range from mundane to wild. They left their phones behind, along with Bohdi and Jyn’s little notepads, their pens, duct tape wallets, Bohdi’s knife, Jyn’s three knives (only one of which Cassian knew about until now), Bohdi’s pepper spray, Jyn’s mace, their keys, and a truncheon Jyn sometimes wears on her arm. The truncheon doesn’t really fit in his pocket.

Bohdi yells after Jyn, “I said en garde, get back here!”

Artoo decides to run after them.

Jyn rounds on Bohdi and their sticks meet. “You asked for it!” She says as dramatically as possible. They get into their best approximation of a fencing stance and start testing each other. They get faster and faster and Jyn is the one backing up making a show of being overwhelmed. Now and then she goes back on the offensive, but they mostly just keep having a fast sword fight while sometimes stopping to run farther down the beach. Artoo bounces around them.

The group not running down the beach leaves the picnic table so new customers can use it. They stand at the edge of the beach enjoying the ocean view, and in Churrit’s case enjoying the sounds, smells, and having his partner’s arm around him. They also watch the antics of Jyn and Bohdi for a little bit.

Monique asks Kay and Cassian, “How old were they when they were traumatized?”

Kay answers, “They were under ten.” While Cassian says, “We probably shouldn’t talk about it without permission.”

“Oh, I was just wondering what age they’re remembering,” says Monique wistfully. She finds Kestral and Bohdi sweet and intriguing, and she likes being one of their friends. She never asked if they were traumatized, it wasn’t hard to tell they’d been through something if you knew either of them for long. The extreme paranoia was hard to miss.

Bohdi and Jyn are at the edge of the water when he grabs her sword stick and flings it far into the waves. When she turns to watch it fly, he pushes her in.

“That’s it! You’re dead!” She says as she gets up and grabs him attempting to pull him in after her.

“Did Bohdi just push Kestral in the water?” asks Kay.

“It’s too cold for that,” says Cassian now starting to head their way.

“They’re fine,” says Baze, pulling him back. He’s been standing by Cassian, watching and narrating for Churrit.

“But their phones, wait, they?” starts Luke, realizing he doesn’t know where their phones are.

“I got them, no need to worry,” says Cassian. “They must have done something like this before.”

Monique asks, “Are they trying to drown each other?”

Baze replies, “I think they might be.”

Bohdi gets the upper hand completely submerging Jyn underwater. When she pops back up, she accidentally knocks his goggles off with the back of her arm.

“My goggles!” Exclaims Bohdi.

“Shit, I’ll get them!” Says Jyn, and she goes underwater to find them. Thankfully, she finds them almost immediately before the waves and undercurrent can take them away. She comes up sputtering and hands them to him.

He starts wiping them off with the part of his clothes that are not wet, they’re some of the only goggles left from his mum. He says, “Thank you. Oh no, I think the tracker is ruined.”

“That’s ok, give it to me and I’ll get another one set up by tomorrow.”

He plucks it off, hands it to her and she pockets it. The waves are so loud, that even though they are outside, he feels it’s safe to talk. He quietly tells her, “So I called Luke Heather twice and at least once I’ve called him Lance.”

“Oh, how did he react?” Jyn asks while looking out at the water.

“He wasn’t bothered. He just kind of checked to make sure I knew where and when I was. He’s really kind.” He puts the goggles back on top of his long hair and looks out at the ocean.

“I think so too.”

“They’re kind of like us.”

“Who?” Asks Jyn, sometimes Bohdi jumps around in conversations.

“Luke and Leia. They were separated when they were younger, for a long time.”

“They were?”

“Yeah, they were raised separately by different families. They didn’t know about each other until they were fourteen.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“That’s why Leia is wealthy and Luke isn’t. It’s unusual to be wealthy at twenty-two unless your parents are.”

“Oh.”

“They don’t know why they were separated. They didn’t know who their birth mum was until they were older. It was strange. They were both adopted by people who knew their birth mum but they weren’t told about each other. I mean, I know sometimes twins are separated when they’re adopted, but these families knew of each other. Why would they separate them?”

She doesn’t answer, but she’s pretty sure she knows why in their case. It’s because their mum was in a relationship with Vader. She still hopes Padmé was with someone else as well. Vader can’t really be their father, can he?

While she’s thinking about it, she doesn’t notice that Bohdi is now staring at her. Her lack of a reaction caught his attention.

“You know something don’t you,” he eventually says. He’s staring wide eyed and he isn’t happy. Leia and Luke have been searching for any and all information, and Jyn knows that.

She doesn’t want to get into it, it feels a little too close today. She tries to deflect. “No, I don’t know anything. Why would you think that?”

Now he looks shocked. “You do know something! You can’t lie to me. You know how hard they’ve been looking into all this, why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because I have to be sure! I have to make sure it’s true first,” she replies, no longer trying to hide that she knows something. Whenever Bohdi realizes she’s lying, there’s no point in denying it.

“They’re chasing down rumors already. If you heard something, even if it isn’t verified, you should have told them immediately. You know how important this is to them!”

“No, it’s not like that!”

“Are you fucking joking? How long?”

“What?”

“How long have you known something?”

She doesn’t answer, it’s been weeks. She reddens and won’t meet his eyes. She hadn’t looked at it like this before.

He’s angry. She doesn’t mind when he’s angry at her when he’s lost in time, she never takes it personally. She does care when he’s truly angry at her and present, like right now. He exclaims, “Oh my god, and they’ve been so good to us! You know why we don’t live together and what a mess I am, and the two of them have helped us so much with all of that.” He balls his hands into fists by his sides, closes his eyes, and growls out, “Kestral, this could really piss them off, and I owe them, especially Luke. I owe them so much more than I’ll ever be able to repay them.”

Artoo is still nearby, but he’s getting agitated and confused because his friends are not playful now.

“It’s not like that!” Jyn shouts.

“Then what is it like?!” Asks Bohdi. Artoo whines in the background, but Jyn and Bohdi don’t notice.

“Umm, it’s just different.” Even as that answer comes out of her mouth, she knows that it’s a shitty one. He’s going to want to know more.

“Why?”

She thinks she’s about to lose the battle with her mind soon no matter what, the images aren’t back, but her chest is starting to feel really tight, so she decides to just force it out. She hopes she can move on before she completely loses control. The words come out fast, nearly running over each other. “The person you thought of when I showed you their mum’s picture, they were together, like a couple. I don’t know if, I mean, together doesn’t mean, fuck, I hope she cheated on him, shit,” she starts speaking to herself, “come on, keep it together.” She closes her eyes and digs her nails deep into the palms of her hands, then her knees buckle. Her chest feels really tight. Breathing is getting harder. She puts her hands down to keep somewhat upright, but part of her wants to be swallowed up by the sand.

It takes a moment for Bohdi to remember, but now he knows exactly who she means. He doesn’t like Vader either, but he isn’t afraid of him the same way Jyn is. Sometimes she can talk about him, but often she can’t. This must be a time that she can’t. She’s not ok. He understands why she didn’t say anything. “No, no, no, stop, stop, please stop, talk about something else, let’s talk about something else. Like, like, Artoo. It’s nice to take him for walks? What am I even saying?” His voice is full of worry and concern. He crouches down and wraps Jyn up in a hug so she won’t fall forward more and burrow down into the sand because he thinks she’s about to.

Artoo is pawing at her and making whining sounds. He can tell she is in distress.

“I’m sorry,” she’s trying not to cry, and it’s not working. “I’m sorry.”

“No need to be sorry, I understand now. I’m sorry. Let’s talk about something else.” What she said starts to sink in. “Oh god, I'm sorry, he really, he really might be?” His mind is whirring, and the idea that Vader is connected to Luke and Leia is just a mind breaking concept. Now he’s trying to keep his mind from running since Jyn needs him, and he won’t leave her like this.

Except his mind won’t stop, it’s going too fast. How can Vader of all people be connected to Luke and Leia?

“Something’s wrong,” says Baze. They’d all gone back talking and catching up while enjoying the ocean view, and not watching Jyn and Bohdi drown each other. When Baze notices a change in how Artoo is interacting with Jyn and Bohdi, he realizes that their demeanor and body language has changed. He is the first to recognize that there is a problem.

“Oh no,” says Cassian. Baze is right, and Cassian can tell that they are in distress. He starts running to them.

Then they all do, and Kay picks up Jyn and Bohdi’s discarded boots and socks on the way.

Neither Jyn nor Bohdi know how much time passes before they’re not alone anymore. There are hands and voices. Luke, Cassian, Churrit, Baze, and Monique are trying to pull them apart. Kay is watching, trying to figure out what exactly is happening and if he can help. Bohdi reflexively and angrily tells them, “No, I won’t let you hurt her.” There are too many voices. He won’t let them get Jyn, he will protect her.

“Bo, she’s not breathing right,” Luke tells him gently.

“She’s . . . Jyn? Jyn? Oh no,” says Bohdi, he is so confused. He’s supposed to help her. Does this mean he isn’t helping her here? Where the fuck is here?

They’re carefully pried apart because Jyn is having a difficult time breathing and Bohdi is out of it. Monique decides to shock Kestral, who she just found out is actually named Jyn, in a good way. She hopes to help her to focus on a solid feeling like the cold so she can be present. She quickly pulls her over to the freezing ocean before anyone can object, walking herself and Jyn into it. She carefully holds Jyn up so the water won’t go up past her ankles.

Having her feet and ankles back in the cold water gets all of Jyn’s attention. She starts to breath more normally as she focuses on how cold it is in the water. Cassian is on the other side of her now and she suspects Monique and Cassian might be talking to her, but she had no idea what they’re saying. She is trying to keep the cold the focus of her mind. It’s working.

She vomits.

She didn’t know it she was about to until it was happening. Thankfully she only vomits once, and breathing feels a bit better now. Her chest isn’t so tight.

Monique and Cassian are rubbing her back while keeping her upright. Her knees keep wanting to give out. She’s small but she’s still an adult so holding her up when her legs keep buckling isn’t easy. Kay takes over. He stands next to her on the side Monique was on, keeping a steady arm around her back and and under her shoulders.

Jyn eventually focuses on what Monique is now trying to put in her hand. “What’s this?” Asks Jyn quietly, now holding it.

“It’s a molting from a horseshoe crab,” replies Monique. It’s a small one. “They shed seventeen times as they grow.” Monique reaches into the water for something. She gets back in front of Jyn and holds it up. “This is a live one.”

Jyn startles, “What the fuck?!”

Monique is holding it gently by its sides. It is much bigger than the molting in Jyn’s hand. “This sharp tail, it’s not a stinger, it helps it turn over when it’s stuck on its side or back.” She holds it up higher then carefully shows Jyn all the wiggling legs underneath it. “They don’t pinch or bite. See?”

Jyn stares at it for a long time, then she looks at Monique. “It looks ancient.”

“They’ve looked like this since before dinosaurs roamed the earth.” Monique moves the ancient creature down closer to Jyn’s chest level.

“Like a constant presence,” adds Jyn, mainly to herself. “A constant.” Jyn stares at it. Then she sounds distraught when she says, “I threw up in its house. I’m sorry horseshoe crab.” She stares longer then says, “Thank you for showing me.” Her mind isn’t her own, but it isn’t trapped in bad memories either. It’s filled with cold and horseshoe crabs. She’s thankful. Monique has helped her immensely.

Meanwhile Bohdi is still kneeling on the sand, and having trouble wrapping his mind around what Jyn just said, and he feels guilty that he isn’t helping her. He has to know more about the Vader connection, but he doesn’t want to know more. He has to help Jyn, but he doesn’t think he can right now. He should tell Luke what Jyn said. Luke and Leia should know, but the words won’t come out.

He watches Jyn. She’s standing in the ocean with Kay, Monique, and Cassian. He’s afraid she’ll disappear if he stops watching her.

And Luke, Churrit, and Baze are talking to him, but he doesn’t know what they’re saying.

Artoo is next to him, and licking his face. Beebee is pawing at him. She wants to sit on his lap but he’s still kneeling so she can’t. He distractedly starts to pet Artoo because he has that hand available. He realizes Luke is holding his other one. He is able to break out of this exhausting reverie that he’s been trapped in.

“Bo?” Luke is trying to engage him, “Can you hear me?”

Bohdi replies, “Yeah, I can.” He keeps staring at Jyn so she won’t disappear. How can Luke, his wonderful Luke, be connected to Vader? Now he wants to run, but he can’t seem to move. “I’m afraid.”

“What are you afraid of?” Luke asks gently, hoping to figure out what happened.

“I’m afraid if I look away, she’ll disappear,” is Bohdi’s reply. It isn’t his only fear, but it’s the one he is able to talk about. “This is real?”

“Yeah, this is real,” says Luke.

Churrit speaks up, “We can watch her too, well, in my case I can keep track of her with my other senses. You don’t have to do this alone.”

“I know . . . but I,” and he stops. He and Jyn have other people, which is good, but the thought that others can keep her from disappearing by watching, that’s different. They’re not all in his head and he isn’t telepathic. Probably. It’s still an intriguing idea. “Churrit, I’m not telepathic like you.”

Baze starts laughing. The sound causes some of Bohdi’s anxiety to ebb away.

After awhile Churrit asks, “What happened?”

Bohdi still looks lost. He finally looks away from Jyn to look at Luke, Baze, Churrit, Artoo, and Beebee. He’s not sure if words will come out. Then he looks back and sees Cassian, Monique, and Kay walking Jyn away. When they are farther up the beach, he decides to try. He lets out a long breath first. “We argued. There’s this guy, Vader. He did something horrible to dad and Jyn, something that changed them. We’re both afraid of him, but she’s much more afraid of him than I am. We were talking, and he, he came up in the conversation. We stopped arguing.” He looks at Luke, his Luke, and he has no idea how to tell him he and Leia might be related to a monster.

“Thank you for telling us. I think it’s time to go home,” says Luke in a calm voice. Bohdi walks with Baze, Churrit, Luke, Artoo, and Beebee. They guide him home.

. . .

Jyn isn’t sure how she gets back to her apartment. She just keeps thinking about horseshoe crabs, trying desperately to keep her mind on them. She’s somewhat successful, which is a win. It means she isn’t paying attention to anything going on around her.

She starts to become more aware. It’s quiet now. She’s in a warm bath when she finally becomes aware of the present. Cassian is next to her outside of the bathtub. Jyn still has the horseshoe crab molting in her hand. She looks at it then at Cassian. “Hi.”

Cassian immediately looks a little relieved. “Hi Spiderwoman.”

“Hi Mr. Perfect,” she says while looking at him. Then she looks around and down. “I’m naked,” she remarks, stating the obvious. “Have I been here long?”

“Not too long. I was just about to wash your hair.”

“Why?”

“Because you were covered in salt water and sand. You were also freezing.”

“You look worried.”

“Really?” He says playfully. It makes her smile, just a little.

Her tongue feels around in her mouth. “Did you brush my teeth? I threw up but they don’t taste like I did.”

“You did actually. I just helped a little.”

“I can’t believe I threw up all that lovely ice cream in that horseshoe crab’s house.” She’s not happy about that. She looks at Cassian again, taking in his expression. “You still look worried.”

“It’s ok. I’m less worried now,” he replies. Baze called to tell him what little Bohdi said about what happened. All he really knew was that they argued and Vader came up in the conversation. Baze didn’t say Vader’s name. He said just enough information for Cassian to figure out who he meant. “Lay your head back.”

She does as he asks and he gets the rest of the salt water off of her. “That feels really nice. You’re so nice, and kind, and gentle.” She feels like she’s about to cry and she isn’t sure why.

“Why wouldn’t I be? I love you, now let’s get you out of here.” She lets him guide her. She keeps the little horseshoe crab molting in her hand the whole time.

Cassian is a little playful, joking around with her while she gets into warm dry clothes. He also changes his pants which were wet and stiff from standing in the ocean with her. She is interacting with him finally and is a little bit playful as well.

Now that they’re both dry and warm, he’s hoping to sit on the couch with her snuggled together under a blanket, but when they are about to, she gets back up to go find something. She comes back with her laptop to show him her exchange with Saw. She’s finally sharing it with someone. “Here, you read it, but not out loud.”

He does. She’s close but turned completely away from her screen and folding in on herself while next to him. He automatically puts an arm around her to tuck her into his side.

He’s shocked at what he reads. She definitely should have said something earlier, but he isn’t going to say that because he completely understands why she didn’t. Talking about Vader wasn’t something she could do easily. Sometimes it was impossible. He reads though it a few times before finally closing the program window and then the laptop. “Hey, come on, it’s just me.” He turns and fully wraps her up in his arms. She turns and puts her arms around his waist with the little molting still in her hand, then she puts her head on his chest. She can hear his heart beating. They sit in silence for awhile. “How about I tell Luke and Leia either alone or with you? You don’t have to tell them, I can do it.”

“But I don’t know for sure.”

“When you say for sure, what do you mean?”

“I want to figure out if he has a relative in one of those DNA ancestry databases. I can’t just, I can’t - I don’t know.”

“Is this what you and Bohdi argued about?”

“Yeah, but it’s because I knew something and didn’t say anything. Luke and Leia have been searching for any information they can get, even if it means following up on rumors. Then I said who,” she takes a breath and her voice cracks, “and the argument stopped. I didn’t even say that fucker’s name, I just alluded to him. I feel apart. I don’t know how to handle this. How do I handle this?”

Cassian holds her a little closer and remembers who else fears Vader like she does. While Lando does, he can’t talk about it yet, but maybe her father can. “You do know someone who went through the same thing, and you are talking to him again. Also, Churrit is good to talk to. He helps people work through traumatic things really well. You don’t even have to explain it all to him either, he already knows what happened. I don’t really know how to help, but I’m here. You can always talk to me as much or as little as you want.” Jyn feels small in his arms right now. It reminds him of the first time he noticed just how small she really was that night when she came through his window.

She moves and pulls back, then reaches out to put the horseshoe crab molting down on the coffee table. She looks at it a little longer then gets close to Cassian again. It’s so warm next to him with them both under a blanket. She feels safe. She looks deep into his eyes. “You’re lying, you do know how to help. You’ve helped me over and over, too many times to count. Do you not understand how wonderful you are?”

He feels inadequate with his ability to help her. “But I . . . Jyn, I mean,” she’s staring and he feels trapped in her gaze, “I love you, and I wish I was better at it.”

“How can you be any better when you’re already so wonderful and perfect? Cassian, you have helped me immensely, and I’ll never be able to repay you, though that’s partially because you’re unlikely to go through the same things as me. My life is weird. I love you and will be with you as long as you’ll have me.”

He’s about to reply, but she turns away and starts speaking before he can. “I’ll think about it, about talking to dad. I think you and Bo are right, Luke and Leia should know, and it’s probably best if you tell them. I don’t think I can. Just don’t go yet, I want to be selfish and stay here with you hidden away for now.”

“I want to be selfish too.” He pulls her closer and she burrows into him more. “I love you Jyn.”

They chat about lighter topics, then Jyn starts staring at the horseshoe crab molting on the coffee table. There’s something important that she hasn’t quite put her finger on. It’s like it’s roaming the edges of her mind. She keeps coming back to a couple of specific thoughts. It looks ancient, and its species has been a constant presence on earth for a long long time.

The answer to the problem she’s been trying to figure out for over a month, the problem she’s been working on and marinating in for ages, honestly a problem she’s been trying to solve for years, finally clicks into place.

A constant.

An ancient constant.

“He meant it literally,” she says out loud quietly.

He meant it literally! That’s the missing piece! He used some of mum’s constants from her geology paper in linear algebra equations and a compiler to make a program written in a simple language into an impossible looking one!

He used other equations and constants as a key to get in.

That’s it! Now I just need an xml file.

“Cassian! I know what dad did! I know how the program works! I still need an xml file, that’s a file that’s like a map, but I know what he did now!” She hops up off the couch runs to get her parent’s papers along with the math she’s been working on.

She pats the little molting on the head when she gets back before spreading the papers out. “He used mum’s constants, constants to do with ancient rocks, and this little guy got me to realize it.”

“You are having the wildest day,” is all Cassian says because the ups and downs she’s experienced are extreme.

She looks at him, smiles wide, then pounces, kissing him senseless before going back to her papers. She starts quickly rifling through her mother’s published works.

When he recovers, he realizes she’s already engrossed in her work so it’s the perfect time for him to go talk with Luke and Leia. He says, “I’ll write out that message you showed me and talk to Luke and Leia while you work on this. Ok?” He’s already opening her laptop back up.

“Yeah. That’s probably best isn’t it,” she concedes. He hands her the laptop so she can pull up the message. She makes sure not to look at it.

. . .

When Cassian arrives at Leia and Luke’s place, he explains why he’s there but is careful with details. Bohdi is still in a vulnerable place in his mind. It’s decided that Bohdi should go to Churrit and Baze’s place, and Bohdi is in agreement. Luke and Cassian take him and only leave when he’s completely engrossed in petting Artoo and Beebee with Baze sitting next to him.

Churrit asks to come along so he can assist in the discussion. He thinks Cassian will do better if he’s there with them.

Cassian shows them the exchange between Jyn and Saw. He does not tell them what Vader does to people, and what he showed Jyn, Galen, and Lando. Luke tells them what he knows about Saw Gerrera, and what Jyn said about him. Leia asks, “Why wouldn’t we just believe this guy? Even if he has a scary reputation like Luke said, he sounds credible.”

Churrit, who was there when Jyn explained what happened to her answers. “Because however bad you imagine Vader is, he’s actually worse. Jyn has trouble even saying his name. Cassian, why didn’t she show anyone the note?”

“She was trying to find a relative then see if they’re in a DNA ancestry database first. I think she accepts that he killed your mother, but she isn’t willing to accept that he’s your biological father without proof. She hopes your mom cheated on him.”

“Shit,” says Leia. She leans back in her chair and puts her thumbnail between her teeth. She is concentrating and looks lost in thought, until she asks more questions. “I mean, it’s hard to be worse than the asshat who killed mom, but unable to utter his name is really bad. Now Saw thinks we died, well that a baby died. Does everyone from that time think she was pregnant with one child and that it died with her?”

Cassian answers, “Hopefully they do. Jyn and Bohdi are paranoid for a good reason. It’s best if most people don’t know who you are to Padmé. You need to be paranoid when you look into this.”

“Where do we even start?” Asks Leia. She isn’t sure where to begin with this new information.

Luke has an idea. “I think it’s time I went to see Obi-wan.”

“Do you think he knows something?” Asks Leia.

“Jyn thinks he might,” Luke replies. “I was talking with her awhile ago, and she suggested I talk with him. She thought it was odd that I was taught to be a fully trained MMA fighter at such a young age, that there could be a reason other than that he saw that I had potential. It wasn’t that I was taught martial arts, it’s that I was taught such an intense version of it.”

“You won’t bring it up over the phone will you?” Asks Cassian.

“No, I’ll go to him,” Luke assures him. “Jyn and Bohdi have taught me how to avoid being overhead. I’ll talk to them both before I go, and I’ll be careful what I say.”

Leia has been thinking. “Jyn thinks you were taught because of how bad the people attached to our possible father are.”

“Yeah.”

“Then Obi-wan must know something. I want to come too, but I’m not leaving Bohdi here alone and he’s not going with you,” says Leia.

Luke doesn’t want to agree to that, but Leia is probably right.

“That’s probably best,” says Churrit. “I’ve heard of Saw and Obi-wan, they’re reputations are . . . interesting.”

A few days later, Luke leaves to visit Obi-wan.

. . .

Jyn’s phone is on the counter buzzing. Cassian looks over to see that Lando is calling. It goes to voicemail. It starts buzzing again, and Elle is calling this time. Rey, Han, and Finn also appear to be calling her. Then Lando calls him. When Cassian picks up, Lando asks if he knows where Jyn is so he goes outside to find her. She’s talking to Baze.

“Everyone is calling you,” he says handing her his phone. “It’s Lando.”

“Oh, ok,” she takes the phone. Lando says something to her and she replies with, “No no no! I’ll come to you, talk later.” She hangs up.

“What’s up?” Asks Baze. He and Cassian exchange a glance. They are already worried by her reaction.

“Those people who beat me up, they’re back.”

“Are they looking for you?” Asks Cassian.

“I mean, they weren’t even looking for me the first time, so probably not.” She’s contemplating what it means and what to do.

Baze says, “I’m coming with you to see Lando. I’ll drive.” He leaves no room for argument. He goes to get Churrit and their car.

When the four of them arrive, they find Finn, Rey, and Elle chatting. Lando and Han are talking too, but they are not enjoying each other’s company. The tension is real.

“Kestral!” Says Elle happily when the arrive. Her mood starts to shift immediately. “We have bad news.”

“And you’ve brought three other people with you,” adds Rey, looking concerned.

Baze replies in a gruff voice, “We patched her up, and we don’t plan on her ending up like that again.”

Jyn turns to him because she knew they were friends but it still catches her by surprise when Baze is so protective of her. He’s become a fatherlike figure to her. “I, uh, ok. So what have you heard?”

Han speaks up first, because he feels he’s being scooped by Lando and Elle and it’s bothering him. “Someone is hiring Hutt gang members and sending them to our city. It’s the same gang members that went after you, plus a few more.”

Finn says, “I overheard one of their contacts here talking in the cafe. They’re sending ten people.”

“What do they want this time? They aren’t here for me, they thought I was someone else,” says Jyn.

Lando answers, and he’s no longer looking at Han with animosity, now he’s looking at Jyn with purpose and fear, though he is trying to hide the fear. “I don’t know, but what I do know is that they were hired by the same people as last time.” Understanding passes between them and they both try to hide their rising anxiety.

“No, that . . . fuck,” Jyn starts. Elle and Cassian note the effect the news is having on their respective partners. Elle moves closer to Lando to put a soft steadying hand on his shoulder. Cassian puts a gentle hand on the small of Jyn’s back. Jyn says, “Well, we should keep an eye on Leia.”

That gets her an unmistakable look from Han. “Leia? What do you mean?”

“Because the night they found me, while they said they were looking for Padmé, I think they were looking for her.”

Chapter Text

~ May 17th ~

Cassian is folding laundry and Jyn is washing dishes. The clinking of dishes stops. He looks up and over at her. Jyn is staring intently outside while mostly still. She’s absentmindedly wiping wet soapy hands on her pants instead of on a dish towel, which is weird.

Suddenly she heads for the door, then she’s practically flying down the stairs.

He quickly follows her without thinking. He hears someone yelling for help as he goes down the stairs towards the open door.

. . .

Shit, shit, I have to get away, thinks Leia as a cloth is held over her mouth and nose. They are also trying to hit and kick her, though the results are mixed.

Leia is strong. She struggles hard to get away. Even though they’ve caught her, she moves so much that it’s hard to land a proper blow on her. She elbows and kicks some of them, finally managing to wriggle away and out of their grasp. She yells for help, but now she feels herself slowing down, she feels herself weakening, and they’re trying to grab her again. She knows they’ll catch her soon.

This is bad.

“ROUND TWO ASSHOLES!!”

CLANG!!

A voice snarls, “Remember me?!?!”

A furious whirlwind in the form of a woman arrives.

It’s Jyn wielding a shovel, taking on Leia’s ten assailants. Announcing her presence isn’t usually a recommended tactic, unless doing so is necessary to get attention off of someone else, like Leia.

Jyn gets punched in the face but moves with it so it doesn’t cause much damage. She isn’t even thrown off her game.

CLANG!!

“Oooww - ”

Jyn switches to throwing punches, elbows, and well placed kicks while using the shovel to block blows from the attackers.

“You’re that bitch who broke my, ooof - ” and he’s hit in the stomach by Churrit wielding a bow staff. Churrit has arrived to join the fight. He is calm and quick. He listens, feels, and smells as he whirls and metes out perfectly placed strikes with his bow staff, feet, knees, elbows, and hands. He takes down four of Leia’s assailants in just under sixty seconds.

Jyn takes down five of them and Churrit takes down four, then Rey arrives. She quickly incapacitates the last assailant as if she does this all day everyday. The last of Leia’s attackers was about to strike Jyn from behind when Rey took her out, all while dressed in a sharp crisp business casual outfit.

All ten of the attackers have been dealt with, none of them have escaped.

Meanwhile, Cassian made it outside to see his girlfriend running so fast she may as well have been flying yelling “Round Two Assholes” just before the flat side of the shovel connected with the back of the first woman’s head. He froze briefly before heading over to the fight to get Leia, who wasn’t moving well, away from the fray. He froze again, though thankfully he and Leia were away from the fight at this point, when Churrit joined Jyn.

Luke arrived as the last three were taken down. He literally just returned from seeing Obi-wan, and hasn’t even been home yet.

Baze arrived during the fight soon after Churrit, he brought rope and scissors. He’s beaming at his other half. At the end of the fight, he hands them to Jyn then goes to check on Leia. Rey and Han have zip ties in their pockets that they are now using.

Kay and Bohdi arrived near the end of the fight, at which point Kay called 911. Leia looks like she needs medical attention as do these other ten people thanks to Jyn, Churrit, and Rey.

Jyn, Rey, Han, Luke, Cassian, Leia, Kay, and Bohdi didn’t know Churrit was such an amazing fighter until now. They are somewhat stunned and trying to stay on task. Jyn, Rey, Bohdi, and Han are watching over the assailants (though Han checks on Leia first), tying them up with rope and zip ties and removing weapons. Kay is taking in the scene and still talking with the 911 operator. He also stands by the group being tied up while looking extremely menacing. Luke went to Leia, and he’s next to her now looking quite worried. Cassian is still watching over her with Baze. Churrit is next to Jyn, but he isn’t searching anyone.

Han has seen Rey fight before, and Baze has seen Churrit in fights, but the rest of them haven’t. Rey is really good, but Churrit, given his age and disability, is on a whole other level. Churrit is older than all of them other than Baze, and they just found out that he’s at Jyn, Rey, and Luke’s skill level when it comes to fighting, while blind.

“Can you spar with me?” Jyn eventually asks Churrit quietly.

“And me as well?” Asks Rey quietly.

“Maybe, just don’t hurt me,” replies Churrit.

Jyn says, “That won’t be a problem. You’re skills are better than ours. We need to worry about being hurt, not you.”

An expression of surprise crosses Churrit’s face.

The ten assailants can’t run because they are now all tied up, and also because four of them are unconscious while the other six are out of it. Baze starts checking them to make sure they will be ok eventually.

Cassian stays with Leia assessing her injuries and talking her through it all because she definitely got a dose of whatever was on that cloth. He’s also holding her in a partially sitting position. He stays with her the whole time. He’s keeping track of how the effects of the drug cause changes in her over time. Luke is with them, and he’s keeping her engaged. He looks worried. Han actually looks worried as well, and keeps looking over at them. Usually, no one can tell if he’s worried because he hides his emotions well. He usually comes off as arrogant and cavalier.

Jyn has the shovel in her hands again and is pacing like a caged wild animal guarding the tied up assailants. Cassian has been trying to catch her eye, and he hasn’t succeeded, she’s completely focused on the task at hand. He wants to try to get her to come over to him and Leia so he can check the bruise forming on her cheek and talk with her.

She’s still focused on the ten attackers when Bohdi takes her by the shoulders. “You ok?”

She snaps her eyes to his and her demeanor changes immediately. “Huh? Yeah. Sorry.”

Bohdi wordlessly takes the shovel from her, walks into the shadows, and while holding the shovel with his shirt, starts wiping it. Jyn follows and the siblings are now on autopilot. She helps him clean off her fingerprints with the bottom of her shirt. It’s been cold for May, but they are still in short sleeves. They look around as well, taking in the scene. When they finish removing traces of Jyn, Bohdi carefully and quietly puts the shovel down while still not touching it with his hands, only through the fabric of his shirt.

Then the two of them run.

“Hey! Wait!” Says Kay. “You have to talk to the police!” Sirens can be heard in the distance. Emergency Services will be here soon.

“They’re not gonna give a statement unless they can do it anonymously,” says Cassian in a resigned tone.

“Are they illegal or something?” Asks a woman. She’s another neighbor whose come outside to help sort things out.

“No,” says Solo. “They’re citizens.”

“Why run?”

“Use your imagination,” replies Han sounding like his usual smartass self again.

Cassian is worried about this neighbor. He knows she is a busybody, but he isn’t sure if she’s the good or bad kind. He asks, “Are you going to report them?”

“No way! I just saw my neighbors take out a bunch of people trying to kidnap another neighbor. I’m safer here than I realized. She and Mr. Îmwe, and that other lady, the classy one, might be my new favorite people,” is her reply. “I know your wife, she isn’t, umm, friendly? She’s kinda, well, she’s very scary, but I’ve seen her be nice, mainly to kids. That guy with the big eyes, he’s really nice and fixed my car the other day. I hadn’t asked him for help. He offered when he heard my car making a weird sound. They’re good people, so my lips are sealed if that’s what they want.”

Thank goodness, thinks Cassian. He smiles in relief at her. “They do. Thank you.” He did not realize people thought he and Jyn were married.

Jyn texts Cassian.

Kestral: Location is off, but we will keep in touch with you 💜 How is Leia?

Well that’s a good sign, thinks Cassian. If they keep in contact at least it isn’t Jyn and Bohdi alone versus the world like before.

Cassian: Leia is out of it and confused, but will be ok. She wasn’t beaten up too much. You got to her before they caused much damage 😁 I love you. Ambulance is here, I’ll update you after. Tell me how I can help

Kestral: Ty, I will, 💜 u

. . .

Twenty-six minutes after the mayhem started, Leia is on her way to the hospital in an ambulance with Luke and Baze, and the scene is swarming with people and emergency vehicles. There are ambulances, a fire rescue truck, police cars, EMTs, officers, and among the officers are two detectives, Detective Mothma and Detective Draven to be exact. They are not happy that two witnesses, one of whom wielded the shovel which has no fingerprints on it, fled the scene. Also, none of the people in the neighborhood will share any details about them, as none of them “remember.”

The busybody neighbor had gotten the word out about not saying much about the two of them after talking to Cassian.

Han, Cassian, Churrit, and Rey do their best to talk to the detectives about some statements needing to remain anonymous while Kay tries to argue that it doesn’t have to be that way because the detectives can be trusted to be discreet. Kay doesn’t know the extent of the surveillance they are all subjected to constantly. Mothma and Draven want the two people who ran off back here no matter what, and so far, they haven’t accepted the arguments.

Draven is especially livid, “Get them back, we need statements and we will need to check IDs.”

“No,” replies an overly calm Solo.

“Fine, we’ll arrest you instead for obstructing an investigation,” says Detective Draven addressing Han and Rey. He’s not a fan of this private investigative team.

“Go ahead,” drawls Solo, and he holds his wrists out for Draven.

Detective Mothma cuts in, “Wait, why are you willing to be arrested for those two?”

Solo puts his wrists out more towards Draven as his answer. The real answer is that he’s more afraid of who Jyn and Bohdi are hiding from than he is of being arrested, but he isn’t going to tell them that. Rey however, has had enough. In a quiet yet unmistakably intimidating voice, she says, “Because they’re hiding from untouchable people. They have a lot of power and money, and they hurt and do horrible things to anyone who gets in their way. They’re more frightening than a prison cell.”

“We can protect them and go after this powerful group,” says Draven.

Rey cuts him off, “ - Bullshit. For one thing, they surveil constantly, and for another, do you know why I know what they do? I’ve seen it. They’ve been caught on video. Do you really think with irrefutable damning video evidence available, no one has tried to hold them accountable? Many have tried and it went nowhere. The evidence is seen then somehow it always disappears before anyone can be formally charged. That’s just a sample of what they’ve gotten away with. They wield an enormous amount of power. You can promise all you want, but you’re lying. You cannot actually protect them, all you will do is endanger them, and they’ve been through more than enough already.”

Cassian feels an ache in his chest and wonders if Jyn and Bohdi will ever be able to stop hiding. He wants to ask Rey more questions, but he won’t ask them right now in front of all these people.

“You two can contact us when you’re ready to keep it anonymous. We’ll verify, and then, and only then, will we try to set up a meeting. Come on Han. Let’s go check on your girlfriend,” says Rey. Leia has probably reached the ER by now.

“She didn’t say yes when I asked her out, she’s not my girlfriend.”

Rey just rolls her eyes.

Draven and Mothma don’t stop them from leaving. Honestly, they are not sure what to do about the two who ran off, but after talking more with Churrit and Cassian, they decide the statements they receive from everyone else will be enough.

Jyn and Bohdi don’t come back that night. They don’t return the next day either.

. . .

Cassian tracks down Rey the day after the fight. He has questions. “There’s video of what can happen to them, that you’ve seen?” He had no idea people like Rey could just . . . find it.

“Kind of. It appears and disappears. Why do you ask?”

“Because she’s told me what happened to her, but from how much you know and what you said yesterday, you know more about what the two of them have been through than I realized. I didn’t know you’d seen it.”

“I wish I hadn’t.”

“Does Kestral know?”

“She doesn’t know what I’ve seen,” Rey says, then she gets to the point. “Now why are you really here?” She asks him in a nonchalant way.

“I just want to help and keep her and Bo as safe as possible, and help them. If you know something that would help, or have information, please share it,” he says. She can see that he feels drained.

“Ok. Well, I probably can’t say too much, and you already know most of what I know.” She looks at him, appraising his expression. “She and Bohdi have been doing so much better since they met you. I did a deep dive when they became clients, and they’ve improved more than I thought was possible at the time. Meeting you has changed their lives immensely in the best way. That’s what you should know.” While she thinks there is more she might be able to share, she suspects he already has a good enough idea of what the two siblings have been through. There probably isn’t much she can say that would be new to him. She does have some information that she found recently, but she is still verifying details, and she will only share it with Jyn.

Cassian isn’t sure what to say. He feels some relief. He often struggles with feeling inadequate when it comes to helping Jyn. Rey laying it out like this, pointing out that he has done a lot, helps. “Huh. Thanks. Maybe it’s time for me to stop telling myself that I’m inadequate.” He does however, have another question. “Now where did you learn to fight like that? You’re really good.”

She smiles, and when she does it’s like a light turns on in the little office. “Have you heard of Rex and Ahsoka Tano?”

. . .

It rains hard for much of Saturday, and all day Sunday, which is when Jyn finally returns at 9:13 PM. It’s still raining hard when she texts Cassian.

Kestral: I don’t see anyone staking out our street or place. Do you?

Cassian: No, I don’t see anyone

Kestral: Ok, I’ll be home soon. Bohdi’s home already. Coming in the bedroom window.

“Hey Spiderwoman,” he says as she comes in, offering his hand to steady her.

“Is this better than a 5th floor freezing window visit?”

He laughs, “That was memorable, and it was 4 AM.”

She laughs, “I kept thinking how are you still so handsome when you’re exhausted, and angry at your asshole neighbor?”

“I didn’t know you thought I was so handsome back then.” He gently touches her face by her bruise. “I thought I saw you get hit at least once. Did they get you anywhere else?”

“No, just on my cheek.”

“You’re so beautiful, though I prefer it when you are uninjured.”

“Me too.” She gives him a quick kiss. She’s soaked and starts to turn, “I’m gross, I’m gonna take a shower.”

And he doesn’t let go of her hand. She looks at her hand, then she looks into his eyes. Oh, I know that look, it’s his I want you look.

He asks, “May I assist?” He’s already walking her back towards the shower.

She blushes furiously, “Maybe?” Their schedules are so strange that showering together for fun rarely happens.

He comes closer and her back touches the wall. He’s so close and she’s pinned there (though she can escape if she wants to), “It’s just, you see, there’s this amazing woman who comes in through the window sometimes.” And he pulls her cold rain soaked shirt over her head, then she tugs at his, so he pulls it off with help from her, “And this fighter chick who is, just the most beautiful fearsome person.” Then he unhooks her bra, gets very close, looks deep into her eyes, and in a low voice says, “And I’m going to make her come again and again tonight.” He still requires explicit permission because she has been out on the run and returned completely soaked, she may not be in the mood right now. “Would you like that?”

“Yes,” she replies breathily, and in a much higher pitch than she expected.

Ok, she is in the mood. He loves how excited and flustered she gets when he makes it ridiculously clear how much he wants her in as seductive a manner as possible.

He kisses her hard then turns them both so he can back her into the bathroom. He kisses down her body, removing the rest of her clothes along the way. When he runs his hand up her outer thigh, then inner, getting close but not quite to her cunt, she lets out a stuttering breath. She’s soaked from the heavy rain, but she’s also already wet in anticipation. He frames her face and kisses her, deepens it, then feels her tongue slide into his mouth.

She’s tugging at his clothes and they both manage to get them off quickly while getting into the shower. His hands roam briefly before he picks her up and pins her to the wall. She turns on the water, and it warms up fast.

“You’re so strong. Sometimes I forget you workout a lot too.”

“Not as much as you, and I can’t take you in a fight,” he replies, then he kisses her again.

The warm water feels so good, and Cassian is pulling sounds from her, and she feels amazing, and he feels wonderful, and then she doesn’t. She’s been continuously soaking wet for well over 24 hours and now she starts shivering uncontrollably. She starts to whine, “No, I don’t want to stop,” through chattering teeth. “If we stop, I’ll fall asleep before we fool around.” She’s cold, distraught, and disappointed.

Cassian stops being seductive and gently puts her down. He tips her chin up to look into her eyes. “Look at me,” he says gently, and she does briefly. “Come on, look at me please.” She meets his warm gaze and doesn’t look away this time. “It’s fine, let’s just warm you up first ok?”

“It’s not fine,” she’s so frustrated.

“It will be, we’re gonna get you warm, then I’m going to make sure you forget how to talk. Got it?”

She looks a little blue when she asks, “Is that a promise?”

“Yes. Come on.”

When she’s eventually warmed up properly a little later that night, she does fall asleep. Cassian expected that the moment she started shivering like crazy, so he isn’t surprised or disappointed. He’s happy she’s back and sleeping next to him. He will keep his promise tomorrow.

. . .

Late the next morning, Jyn’s first thought, while in a semi-awake state, is that something smells really good. She hasn’t opened her eyes yet when she realizes she smells food. She smiles as she opens her eyes.

Cassian is setting up breakfast next to his side of the bed. He’s setting it up there since he and Jyn sometimes wake up with a start so anything on her side could be knocked over if she was still asleep.

“That smells so good,” she says, and he turns to see she’s awake. He made quite a lot of breakfast. “Wait, wait, wait, you made all that, pancakes, strawberries, eggs, made tea, brought water, and I didn’t wake up?” She’s shocked. She knows she is a deep sleeper, but this is ridiculous. She starts to sit up and she’s stiff today. She’s in some pain from being out on the run and soaked for so long. She only winces slightly.

“Yeah, but I mean, you were really tired.” He has a question. “Hey, are you sore and achy right now?”

“A bit. You’re gonna let me eat in bed?”

“It’s our bed, and you don’t need me to let you. You can actually eat in bed whenever you want to, you don’t need me to let you. But yeah, I was thinking breakfast in bed today,” he replies and she smiles. Now he has a new question which he slips into the conversation after they begin eating. “So, how often have you had aches and pains and just didn’t say anything?”

“I dunno,” and it’s true, she doesn’t. She hasn’t kept track. This kind of pain is background noise. She stops eating after a moment and asks, “Am I supposed to say something?” Shit, how many more normal social skills am I missing? It’s not like pain is new, I’m just used to it, she thinks to herself.

“You don’t have to, but if you don’t tell me, you miss out on some important benefits of being with me,” he says in a crisp professional tone while a small mischievous half smile graces his face.

“Well, what are these benefits?” She asks, playing along with his tone. It’s as if they’re discussing a clause in a contract.

“I’ll show you when you’re done.”

She narrows her eyes, trying to figure him out, then finishes eating. “Now tell me, what are you talking about?”

“This,” and he moves partway behind her, then starts massaging one of her shoulders and back. “I can’t massage sore muscles if I don’t know about them.”

Her eyes close, and she involuntarily says, “Fuck that feels really good . . . and kinda hurts.”

“Good hurt or bad hurt?” He asks.

“Good, so good.”

He smiles and keeps working, asking for feedback along the way.

“Cassian, this is so wonderful, I think I might tell you I’m achy when I’m not,” she says. He’s really talented. He briefly tickles her sides in retaliation. She curls to one side and laughs, then tries to smother it. She adds, “So now you have to teach me how to do this for you.”

“You don’t have to - ”

“ - but I want to.”

He briefly kisses her for that comment before he bunches up her loose pajama pant leg to work on her left calve and thigh. He asks, “Are you used to being in pain so often that you just don’t talk about it?”

“Yeah,” she says.

“Why?” He is pretty sure he knows why, but he’s curious and wants to hear it from her. He thinks it’s because she still isn’t used to talking a lot, because that’s usually the answer. He doesn’t expect the answer she gives.

She thinks about it for some time before she says, “Because Krennic didn’t care, and he usually caused the pain. He would make fun of me if I complained. I never wanted to seem vulnerable around him because he enjoyed causing me fear. Saw cared a lot, but he was tough and thought it was important for me to be as well, so he taught me to deal with it rather than say anything. He felt that was important, and he wouldn’t have taught me that if he didn’t love me and my family. I know he believed being able to deal with pain would help me. Bohdi cares deeply, but he has enough going on, so I don’t say anything unless I can’t hide it.” She says it all like it’s the natural, and that it doesn’t bother her, because it doesn’t anymore. It’s just been her life.

That makes him sad. It shouldn't have been that way. He stares at her foot which he’s just started working on while he says, “So it’s that there was no one to tell?”

“Yeah.”

“You can always tell me. I mean, you don’t want to miss out on this, right? And you don’t have to lie,” he says with a smile because he’s being playful, “I can do this when you’re not in pain too.”

She stares, a small lopsided smile accompanies the stare, softening it. That sounds so wonderful. “And when can you can teach me? I want to do this to you too. You get benefits.” It feels so good, there’s no way she’ll let him miss out.

“I’ll show you everything later, but you have to promise me something.” He looks serious.

“Ummm, what do I need to promise?”

“You can’t massage my feet. They’re too ticklish.” He catches the look on her face, and oh shit, she might go after his feet immediately.

She is thinking about it, be decides not to right now. Instead she takes her foot back so she can crawl forward, then gets up on her knees so she’s a little over him, and she kisses him. Even as she deepens it, it’s a soft and gentle. She wraps him in her arms, and his hands go to her sides, following her curves.

She says, “I’ll do my best to resist tickling your feet.”

He laughs, and has to pull back to look at her. “That’s not a promise.”

One of her legs is traveling up his side. “Your feet are just so irresistible.”

“I’m in trouble, aren’t I?” He says as he kisses her. His slowly follows the curve of her back while the other is in her shirt cupping her breast and letting his fingers brush her nipple.

“Yeah, you might be.” She deepens the kiss.

Cassian’s takes his hand out of her shirt and gets that arm around and under the leg that is migrating up his body, he slowly pulls it up so it’s partway around his waist by running his hand along the back or her thigh and to the swell of her ass. He lowers them both back to laying down on the bed. She goes along with him while she pulls off his shirt. As soon as she’s laid back, with his body between her thighs, he holds himself up on one elbow, and uses that hand to brush her hair away from her face. While she pulls him closer, his other hand makes its way into her pants, and now he’s featherlight as he traces her. “You are ridiculously wet.” He’s honestly surprised because they just started.

“A wonderful, gorgeous, perfect man just massaged my whole body while the fabric of this barely there tank top added some light friction and nearly fell off. And I’ve been thinking about you and us like this since yesterday. Of course I’m wet.”

She moves her hips, wanting to get more contact with his hand, and she has one hand combing through his hair while her other one grabs his ass, hard. “You’re so subtle,” he remarks, now slowly kissing down her jawline.

“I most definitely am not,” she replies. “You have the cutest butt.”

“No, I’m pretty sure you do,” he replies. He takes his hand out of her pants, to pull her tank top strap down exposing her breast. He kisses her chest again and again before taking her nipple in his mouth. She makes a mewling sound, she can’t keep it in. She keeps moving, unable to keep still under him. He takes down the second strap and pays attention to that side with his mouth and hand. She arches her back.

He backs up tugs at the hem of her shirt, so she partially sits up briefly and helps remove it. They get partway under the covers, then she takes the opportunity to flip him over. He’s suddenly on his back and she’s on top.

Cassian is briefly startled, but he recovers quickly and his hands come up to frame her face. He says, “Your eyes are so beautiful.” She starts to kiss him, then she kisses just below his ear and leaves a trail of kisses down his jawline then down his neck. One of his hands travels down her spine while the other explores her chest again. With one leg still over him, she moves to his side. She gets a hand in his underwear to move languidly up and down his length. “Is this good?” She asks. Her lips are on his neck so the words reverberate through him.

He manages, “Mmm-hmm.”

She moves her hand and uses a different amount of pressure. “And this?” As she’s asking, he groans and pulls her closer. He doesn’t answer with words, but it’s clear that he likes it. He tries to get his hand back to her cunt but she stops him, swatting it away. “Later,” she explains. “Now take all your clothes off.”

He does, and she doesn’t take her hand off of him while he does. Soon after, she tries something new with her hand on his shaft. “God, Jyn,” he says, then he quickly guides her lips to his, capturing them in a frantic deep kiss. His tongue parts her lips, and he wraps her in his arms, keeping her as close to himself as possible.

She keeps building him up more and more, and now he’s worried he’ll go off soon. “Jyn, fuck,” she’s so good at this, “stop so I can work on you.”

“I’m gonna lose it almost as soon as you’re in me. I told you, I’ve been turned on for awhile now. I’ve been thinking of being like this with you since yesterday, it’s been hours, and then you massaged me everywhere.” She bites her lip and she’s honestly really so close already.

She keeps herself together and tries something else with her deft hand. Some more sounds escape him, then he tells her, “I want to be inside you, please let me be inside you now.”

“You’re close?”

“I am about to come all over your hand, so yes, I’m close.”

She moves on top of him then they maneuver so she can line him up and take him in. “You feel fucking fantastic,” she says as she shifts a little to the side while also bending one of her legs. The position hits just right while also being perfect if one or both of them is tired. Their lips meet again, and she sets up a rhythm. They haven’t used condoms for a little over a week now.

Cassian notices pretty quickly that she is not kidding about how turned on she is, as she is already becoming erratic and frantic. He keeps the rhythm she set up since she can’t and soon after he feels her clench around him, then the tension wash out of her. She is saying his name, loud, between moans, over and over. He does the same soon after with her name.

“I love you Cassian,” says Jyn a short while later.

“I love you too.”

They eventually start moving to get ready for the day.

A little over an hour after they finish having sex, Cassian wants to try something with Jyn.

“What are you working on?” He asks her. He is currently behind her looking over her shoulder. She’s sitting at the counter with an external hard drive, her laptop, and notes.

“I’m just backing up some work.”

“Is that hard?”

“No?” This is a weird line of questioning.

“So, it wouldn’t be a problem if say,” and now his hand is in her shirt, and his lips are right by her ear giving her goosebumps, “I distracted you?”

“I guess not? What are you planning on . . . ” and she stops talking as he kisses her by her ear while combing through her hair lightly with the hand that is not in her shirt. That one is now in her bra. She turns her face to nuzzle his. He kisses her lips and face lightly, then puts an arm around her shoulder, across her collarbone, and his hand on the outside of her arm, keeping her somewhat in place. He leans her back onto him just a little.

“What are you planning?” She asks an inch away from his lips, so he can feel each breath.

“You were so turned on earlier, I thought it’s time for you to orgasm again.” He says this like the conversation is normal, and not like he is currently unzipping her pants and gently exploring her with clever fingers. He kisses her again, this time deepening it while his touch remains light in her pants.

“You’re confidence that you can get me off,” she squeezes her eyes shut and lets out a stuttering breath, “fuck, is probably completely warranted, ah, hmmm, Cassian,” she stops talking as he captures her lips in his. She’s still sitting on a stool at the counter, but now her back is flush to his chest and stomach, and he’s pulled back just enough that she’s a little off balance. She will stay since she might fall if she doesn’t. She puts one arm behind her and around his back to anchor her, while her other hand is on the arm he has around her. His other hand is between her legs, which are now spread wide.

“Feels good?” he asks.

She gasps and hums in response. He’s stroking her from the inside out, at a slow pace, drawing out every sensation. She slowly tries to increase the pressure between herself and his hand and fingers, but he adjusts, remaining at the pressure he’s been using. She goes from wanting him to needing him to touch her more.

He takes his fingers out of her, “No, wait,” she pleads. She sounds like she’s about to beg, but he starts focusing on her clit before she does.

In a soothing tone he tells her, “I won’t stop, I promise I won’t.” And he doesn’t. His touch is light a little longer, then he has two fingers crooked back inside her and while he isn’t rough, he also isn’t light.

She goes from mewling sounds to open mouthed moans when she goes over the edge. Her orgasm continues to ripple through her and Cassian can feel her muscles fluttering around the fingers that are still inside her. She’s still leaning back on him and limp. Her eyes are closed and she’s still breathing hard. Cassian kisses her neck and collarbone while she keeps going through it.

He kisses her lips again then he leans her forward so she can get back to work. She’s wobbly and unfocused, so she does not get back to work right away.

She starts to get her bearings, then looks at the clock on her computer. Now she realizes Cassian has probably gone to bed. It’s Monday, and he usually sleeps a few hours in the afternoon before he goes to work. “Dammit, I can’t interrupt him.” She wants to be all over him, but she doesn’t want him to be too sleepy to be safe at work. She gets back to work.

She’s asleep by the coffee table when he wakes up and starts to get ready a few hours later. One of the first things he does is head to the refrigerator to pack a lunch for his overnight shift, which is when he sees that Jyn already did it for him. He smiles, then looks back over at her. She’s waking up.

“Hey you!” He says playfully, “Someone already packed me food, so now I have all this extra time,” which isn’t exactly true, he has some extra time, but not a lot, “and a girlfriend who I suspect is still oversensitive and turned on.”

He starts moving towards her and now she’s on her feet, with a recliner between them. “But I have my own plans!” They both move to their left, then their right, neither of them willing to be “caught” by the other just yet.

“What are these plans?” Asks an intrigued Cassian.

“It’s my turn, and I want to suck you off.” She hasn’t tried that often, and it wasn’t bad, but it definitely wasn’t one of her talents.

Her words say let me get you off, but her body language says, I’m gonna getcha, and that’s why his brain says, Yay! and Run! at the same time. When he pauses briefly to sort his thoughts out, she climbs over the chair at lightning speed and pounces, carefully. She doesn’t want to knock him over.

He says, “You don’t have to - ”

She hastily interrupts, “ - I want to. I think I can make it better.”

“But, how - ”

“ - I read some articles online from that sex site you got that vibrator from. It’s a sex positive shop.” She kisses him while she tickles his sides to playfully to move him back. He is much more ticklish than she is. She quickly pushes his pajama pants down. “Is this ok?” She asks before she pushes down his underwear. She knows he will say stop if he’s uncomfortable with anything. Though they often still ask if the other wants to do something, they have passed into the implicit yes and no stage, and they always respect when the other says no. They’ve also already woke up having sex once, and still aren’t sure who started it because they were asleep when it happened.

“Yeah,” is all he gets out before her lips are back on his. He’s wrapped her in his arms and tickles her at times as well, causing her to wriggle and squeak. She backs him to the wall, making sure he doesn’t hit it when she pins him there. She’s a mix of frantic, playful, and gentle today.

A moment later she sinks down on her knees while removing his boxers. Watching her go down is sexy, and then she gets her mouth on him. “Fuck, Jyn,” says Cassian, he groans and hums involuntarily.

She can’t take him in very far or for long, so while she sucks his cock sometimes, she supplements it by using her tongue, swirling around his shaft, and sometimes licking in a straight line from base to tip. She uses her hands by his base as well. She pays attention to his reactions to see what elicits more reactions. She does take him in as far as she can as well, and the wet sound that's made when she comes off of him make Cassian whimper. He runs a hand into her hair, then cradles the back of her head without directing her. He doesn’t push or stop her. He does try to keep his hips from bucking, which is not an easy task, though he is mostly successful. His eyes slip shut somewhere along the way.

“God Jyn, you’re . . . oh god,” he says with a ragged voice. He opens his eyes to look down at her, and she peeks up at him.

He’s making a lot of sounds that she loves hearing, and it’s going well, then she gags. She gets past it quick. He is about to ask if she wanted to stop but she gets back to work so quickly he doesn’t have a chance to say anything. He’s still standing but now he’s half curled over her.

She gags a second time and tries to get past it fast again, but this won’t do, he thinks to himself. He starts to pull her up and says, “Wait, stop, I want to be inside you.”

She wipes her mouth on the way up, “But I can do more - ”

“ - Please let me be inside you,” he interrupts her, now pleading.

She nods.

He playfully turns them both so her back is to the wall then he moves down her body to remove her pants and underwear. Then he lingers there, and positions himself so he can put one of her legs over his shoulder.

She realizes he’s planning to go down on her. “You said you wanted to fuck.”

“I said I wanted to be inside you. I didn’t say which part of me,” he kisses up the inside of her thigh. He has one arm around to her keep her steady since she’s standing on one leg, and with his other hand he spreads her slowly. He kisses her clit, then gets his tongue on her.

The combination of cool air, Cassian’s warm mouth, skillful tongue, and talented fingers feel heavenly. Her head falls back and her eyes close. She has a hand on his shoulder and the other is carding his hair.

He stops to look up at her after a minute, then says, “You’re still so sensitive today aren’t you?”

She knows he means she’s turned on. She nods emphatically and says, “It’s, yeah, still, oh god.” His tongue is back on her. “Cassian,” is the only other word that comes out of her, her voice is high pitched. The other sounds she’s making are not words.

He builds her up, slowly oscillating between more and less pressure. He backs off to blow on her now and then too, so she goes from warm to cool and because every time he does that, she gasps and curls over him more.

“Cassian, please,” says Jyn after awhile. She’s so close and it’s excruciating. She’s about to beg more, but he understands. His tongue is on and in her and he adds two fingers. His touch is no longer light, he uses the perfect amount of pressure. “Oh god, FUCK, Cassian, I, uh - ” She comes so hard that her vision goes white, and she would have fallen over fast literally if he didn’t have a strong arm around her. They still do fall over when she goes boneless, but it’s a slow controlled fall thanks to Cassian.

Jyn is laying on the floor breathing hard next to him, her orgasm still rippling through her. Cassian is watching her, and he wants to actually have his dick in her now, but it feels wrong to just do that because she’s so out of it. He’s not sure she would want to either, she looks ridiculously satiated.

She looks at him with hazy eyes, then moves to get on top of him, taking him in before he asks for anything. She says, “You feel so fucking good.” The stretch is comfortable, and she loves when he’s in her. It’s like they fit just right. She’s too spent to orgasm again, but it still feels good to have him inside her.

“So do you. Can I move?” He pushes up into her to show what he means.

“Mmm-hmmm.”

He sits up and holds her close, they are facing each other. Then he moves and she moves with him. When he’s close, they start to kiss frantically while he moves faster and becomes erratic. He stops kissing then comes hard with his forehead to hers, while gasping and moaning with stuttering breaths. He speaks in Spanish, telling her things she doesn’t yet understands. Eventually he tells her, “My English isn’t working.”

She briefly laughs, “It was that good?”

“It’s always good with you.”

She kisses him languidly for that remark. “You need to get ready for work,” she says sadly, she doesn’t want to move.

He doesn’t either, “Maybe I can stay here with you like this instead.”

“I would like that,” she replies while getting up anyway. She takes his hand and leads him to the shower. They may have had a little too much fun and now he has to get ready fast.

Jyn goes to see Bohdi after Cassian leaves, and she gets the distinct feeling that Luke has been all over him the way Cassian has been all over her in the last 24 hours. What she says when she realizes this is, “Huh.”

“What?” Asks Bohdi.

“You don’t want to know,” she replies then changes the subject. “Did Luke find anything out from Obi-wan?”

“Yeah, he did. I’ll let him tell you. He’ll be back soon, he’s at the gym I think.” Bohdi isn’t sure because his days are getting mixed up.

Jyn has noticed him having trouble lately. It comes in waves. “It’s a Monday night, so you’re probably right. He usually goes to the gym or teaches self defense on Mondays.”

“Monday, ok, it’s Monday,” he tries to keep his thoughts in order. “He will be back around 9.”

“Hey, give me your phone.”

He does, no questions asked. She starts going through his apps, then connects her phone to his. Now he has questions. “What are you doing?”

“I’m adding a way for you to talk to dad and Saw. It’s safe.”

“I didn’t think you would put it on my phone if it wasn’t safe. I can talk to them more often?”

“Yeah.” They had been going back and forth with them more often these days on her laptop, slowly catching up and getting reacquainted while remaining vague. She wants Bohdi to be able to talk with them without worrying about what she sees.

“Thanks Jynnie,” he replies when she gives the phone back. He’s really the only one who calls her that, and he has to be happy and nostalgic when he does. “Now show me more so I understand how to keep safe.”

An hour later Luke, Leia, Bohdi, and Jyn are sitting at Leia’s table. Luke explains what he learned from Obi-wan.

“I found he knew so much more than I expected. He was the one who found Vader strangling our mother, and he was there when we were born. He knew about their secret relationship, so Anakin is definitely our father.”

“Don’t say that,” says Jyn. “You need to know for sure.”

“This seems pretty certain. Why wouldn’t Luke and I accept that? I know he’s bad, but how much worse can he be than man who murdered my mother?” Asks Leia. She knows he is not a good man, but it seems like he has to be their biological father.

“He’s worse,” reply Bohdi and Jyn simultaneously.

Jyn says, “Don’t claim him if you don’t have to. Hopefully your mum cheated on him.”

“She doesn’t seem like the type,” Luke replies. He’s annoyed at Jyn’s hope of his mother’s infidelity.

Bohdi intercedes. “Jyn, from everything we know of Padmé, he must have been different before. I don’t think she would have been with the man we knew. And Luke and Leia, you really don’t want to claim him without hard evidence, like DNA evidence. He really is that bad.”

“I hate this,” says Leia. “There is more though. Obi-wan said Anakin has a relative. His mother had a brother, and he had a daughter. She’s alive and lives somewhere in Nebraska.”

Jyn leans back in her chair and crosses her arms over her chest. “Do you have a name and are either of you in an ancestry database?”

A half smile appears on Luke’s face, and he replies, “Yeah.”

Jyn gets to work on figuring that out late the next day.

. . .

A few days later, Jyn tracks Lando down. She won’t tell him her story, because he doesn’t want details and she respects that, but she thinks it’s time that she knew his.

She meets Lando alone by the ocean, and after some small talk, she gets to the point. “I won’t tell you what you don’t want to know, but I have to ask, why did they show you what they do to get what they want?”

“Right to the point. I wondered when you would ask.” He closes his eyes and takes a few deep breaths before telling her. “They wanted my mother. They wanted her to make them bio-weapons. She was a molecular biologist and an expert on contagious diseases. They showed my father and I what would happen to us if we didn’t get her to do exactly what they wanted. They showed us before we could tell them she died three months earlier of stomach cancer. When we were finally able to tell them, they demanded proof. It wasn’t even hard to get. We had her death certificate and treatment files. I have no idea why they didn’t realize she was dead before they showed up, they knew a lot about her.” He is trying to keep his composure.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” says Jyn, she sounds distraught. She suspects they didn’t know all the details about his mother because her father’s monster didn’t work yet. She puts an arm around her friend.

“That whole thing basically broke my dad. That’s how we ended up homeless. Then one morning, a little over a year later, he didn’t wake up.” Lando is lost in the memories and desperately trying not to cry.

“I’m so sorry,” she hugs him. She’s positive that she’s the first person who he’s told who actually fully understands.

“I think they may have dragged along your relative. Your eyes are similar.”

Jyn doesn’t sob, but tears fall down her face when she thinks of her father being forced to go along on such a horrifying recruitment mission. How often did they make him do they kind of thing?

Jyn and Lando don’t say more, they stay in an embrace trying to get their memories and feelings under control before they each head to their respective homes.

Chapter Text

~ May 29th ~

“Oh my god, this is it.”

Late at night, just before midnight, while alone at home, Jyn finds the last piece of the puzzle. She finally finds the file her father left behind to show the way to the secret trap he hid in the monster he was forced to build.

He made it so only she and Bo would recognize it.

I can take them down!

I can take them down.

I can take them down . . . . fuck.

Elation turns to fear. Now that she knows she can go after them, she has to decide if she will. She doesn’t say anything about it to anyone for a couple days.

She doesn’t say anything until the day she finally verifies with DNA proof that Vader is Luke and Leia’s father.

. . .

Cassian sees Jyn looking lost in thought while staring at her phone. He catches a glimpse of what she’s looking at.

She realizes he’s there and quickly turns the screen off and tries to put it away, but he grabs it and turns away from her as he puts in the passcode. “Hey, no!” She tries to get it back, but he’s fast and holding it out of reach.

He stares at it. It’s the picture of him and Poe, the one that’s on at the Dameron’s wall. Poe looks to be about 12 months old in it. Cassian turns to look back at her. “Why are you trying to hide this?”

Initially she looks embarrassed and kinda pissed, but then sadness washes across her features. She finally says, “You look so happy.” Her voice nearly breaks.

They haven’t talked about this, they’ve been afraid to. Cassian had hoped she hadn’t thought about it deeply, but she must have. She knows. She knows he can’t have this if he’s with her. He hasn’t said he wants a family, because he doesn’t want her to leave when they admit to each other that she can’t have one and therefore he can’t have one with her, unless things change drastically. What can he say? “Jyn, you said you want to be with me as long as I’ll have you, and I still want you here with me. I love you.”

“But you can’t have any of this with me. Then again, neither can Bohdi and Luke, and probably many others from D. S. E.,” Jyn says, her voice breaking. Through tears she continues, “You look so happy holding him. He must be just about a year old in this picture. I want you to hold your own one year old that you adopt or have biologically,” she pauses, trying not to sob. What she wants, what she’s wanted for a long time starts to come out. “I want to hold my own . . . I want . . . I want to play peekaboo, drop the toy and pick up the toy over and over. I want to get awkward little cookie crumb hand prints on my clothes, and hear all sorts of baby babbling as it slowly turns into words.”

He puts her phone down then hugs her tight. He kisses the crown of her head then he kisses her at her hairline. They have not talked about having children and while he knew she was good with kids, knowing specifically which baby games she wants to play, she wants a family so much more than he ever imagined. Some tears spill from his eyes as well, and he swallows a few times so he won’t sob.

In a tired voice she adds, “I’m so tired of running and hiding. I can’t stop until they’re out of commission.”

“One of those things has changed. You and Bohdi are hidden without needing to run. Also, they have to be pretty old now, you will outlive them, then you can stop hiding.”

“Rey thinks Krennic isn’t with it anymore, but she isn’t completely sure.” She swallows and sniffs, trying to regain her composure, then she drops the biggest news. “I found it.”

“Found what - wait, do you mean - ” his tears slow as do hers “ - the last piece of the program?”

She nods. “It’s more like a guide so I can get it where it needs to go so I can run it. He left an xml file, it’s like a blueprint, inside of the comments of another program fragment. I can get to the trap inside his monster. He hid it away in a repository called stardust under the handle sunbeam. He left it for Bo and I to find.”

Cassian feels equally elated and afraid.

If it’s the last piece, she has a chance at a real life.

If it’s the last piece, it means she’ll go after them.

“Did you tell Bohdi?” Asks Cassian.

“Not yet. I was still sorting myself out. I think I’m ready now. I need to tell Bo in front of you, Luke, and Leia. If I tell him one on one, he’ll never agree to me going after them, and he’ll try to make it impossible for me to do so. If I tell him while telling you and them, he won’t be able to do that. We’ll make a plan and Luke will come with me.” She’s not comfortable forcing her brother’s hand in this decision, but she’s even more uncomfortable leaving him in this situation of having to remain indefinitely hidden, unable to do normal things those in society do everyday. There were also many others negatively affected by her father’s work and D. S. E., she wants to help them be free as well.

“I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t afraid. I don’t want you to go either, but I trust you. I’m with you all the way,” he says quietly.

She hugs him tighter in response. She has everything she needs to go after them now. She doesn’t plan to tell Cassian or Bohdi just how likely it is that she’ll be found. Her chances of being caught are not as low as she expected them to be. They’re still low enough that she’s willing to risk it. She will tell Luke that information once they’ve gone on the run so he can make an informed decision to stay with her or go home.

“There’s one more big thing,” adds Jyn. “I found Anakin’s relative in an ancestry database. I didn’t put Luke and Leia in the same one, but I did compare their results. Anakin is Luke and Leia’s father.”

Cassian lets out long breath. “We should message them to meet up,” he pauses, he’s not ready, “but not yet. Stay here in my arms a little longer.”

“I would like that.”

. . .

“So our father killed our mom,” says Leia more to herself than anyone else. “And abandoned us.”

“I don’t think he knows you’re alive,” theorizes Bohdi. Cassian, Jyn, Bohdi, Luke, and Leia are talking at Jyn and Cassian’s place.

“Why not?” Asks Luke.

“It’s a hunch, but I think he would have found you a long time ago if he had any idea you were alive.” Something about Vader and his kind of loyalty, makes Bohdi suspect he could be loyal to family. He turns to Jyn, “What do you think?”

“I have no idea.” Vader scared her so much that most of the time it was just a wall of fear when she thought of him. “Bo was older when everything happened. He understood more than me. I trust his judgement.” It’s time to get to the point. “I think I can take down the company, which means Vader might face actual consequences for what he did to your mum, but I need help.”

Bohdi’s eyes go wide, “Wait. How?”

“By exploiting a bug dad left in the code. Let me explain,” she says now addressing them all. “Our father was forced to build their surveillance software. It’s sophisticated software that by contract can only be used by the military and for military style operations. Countries and sometimes just, large entities, buy it then secretly let it loose on their populations. It automatically makes profiles of anyone and everyone because it gets into nearly every system. It makes it easy to go after specific targets. What it does that’s different is that it gets into all kinds of systems, tapping CCTV, public and private computers depending how old they are, public and private records, public and private sites and instead of bringing back a massive amount of data to sift through, it comes back already sifted by person. It also ‘reports’ certain activities automatically, like if you’re planning a terrorist attack or if you’re planning to protest your government. Basically you’re easily found and dealt with by the military whether you do something bad or just something the government doesn’t like.

“It’s a nightmare. It can be synced up with the company’s other weapons too. It can send a drone after you that can make it seem like you dropped dead from a heart attack or it can kill with bombs and bullets to send a message.

“He built the code accurately because he had to. Bo and I were the leverage the company had over him.” While Krennic exclusively used her as leverage, Galen loved Bohdi and Jyn equally, and he would do anything he could to protect them. “He was smarter than the rest of them though, and he built something else into the program. If it can be reached, it opens their intranet to the internet and sends out the company’s secrets to everyone, well, it’s not like it goes to kid’s tablets and everyone’s computers directly, it goes to news organizations, the government departments and agencies that are not the secretive ones, leaders, colleges, universities, and other organizations. If it isn’t exposed to them all at once, relevant government agencies can sweep it all under the rug, and they will because they are all buyers and because the company has access to all their secrets. It’s also why D. S. E. gets away with so much. Government agencies protect them because the company can blackmail them.

“The bug can be exploited from any country that purchases their software, and ours is one of them. I can’t expose as much as I could if I were at their headquarters overseas, but it will still be enough.” She pauses and takes a breath. “Our father cannot get back into it, but I can. I have to keep moving while I do it, but I won’t have to keep moving indefinitely once so many people know what’s happening that it can’t be hidden.” She looks at Cassian and Bohdi when she says this.

“We, we can stop hiding?” Asks Bohdi, the idea is completely novel.

“Yeah.” She replies.

“How can we help?” Asks Luke.

“Wait no!” Says Bohdi. “Jyn, don’t do this please. What if they catch you?”

“Bohdi, I wouldn’t do this if I thought they’d catch me.” That’s not completely true. She thinks it’s unlikely she’ll be caught, but it’s more of a possibility than she’ll admit to any of them right now. She will only tell Luke later if he accompanies her. “We can’t keep doing this. You know we can’t.”

She gets back to Luke’s question, “Well, for one thing, I need you guys and our other friends to play dumb, and also, to not change your schedules much. I also can’t be in contact with any of you. They are in so many systems already, and as soon as their secrets start getting out they’ll start looking deeper, but they won’t find anything if you all act normal.

“It would also help if . . . ummm, Luke comes with me. Your research abilities helped me figure this out.” She doesn’t add that she wants him along because his fighting skills are as good as hers, she won’t say it in front of Bohdi and Leia. Luke already knows that’s the other reason anyway, and he told her months ago that he would go with her.

“Of course. When do we leave?” Asks Luke.

“Soon, but separately,” she replies.

“Wait, did you two already plan this?” Asks Leia. Luke answering immediately is suspicious.

“No,” says Luke. “Well, I mean we’ve talked about some of this, but we didn’t make any plans.”

Leia looks skeptical. “How likely is it that they’ll find you really?”

Jyn decides to mix enough truth into her answer to cover up the lie. “It’s less than a one percent chance.” In reality, she thinks it’s just a little under a twenty percent chance. “They never knew Bohdi and I under our current names, and we keep a low profile. We’ve been successful at making sure their file on us is inaccurate and only under these names. Also, when I looked into your possible relative, I checked to see who had accessed that information other than me. From that and what Obi-wan said, either no one at the company knows about you or they lost track of you a long time ago.”

Leia reads Jyn’s expression a little longer. She says, “Fine. But wouldn’t that software have been updated since your dad got away?”

“The main part of it hasn’t been. The styling on top has changed, but the main part of it was so sophisticated in the first place that dad used it as a good excuse to make it impossible for them to understand. He’s a genius, and he made it seem like they could of course update and understand it, but after he disappeared, they realized they couldn’t.”

Leia says, “Fine. So we need to keep our schedules as normal as possible, what else do we need to do?”

“Well, we need to tell Han, Rey, and Kay some of what’s happening. I trust Monique, she can know some of what’s happening. Lando can’t be part of anything like this so don’t tell him and Elle, or at least don’t tell them more than what’s necessary”

Cassian adds, “I’d say you don’t need to tell Baze and Churrit, but Churrit will figure out something is happening anyway. We should probably tell them some of the details.”

Jyn snorts and laughs out loud. “Yeah, ok then.”

They sort out the rest of the plan then head home for the night.

. . .

“Luke, please don’t do this,” Bohdi says to Luke quietly. They are in bed and Bohdi has turned to face Luke. He’s afraid, and doesn’t want Luke or Jyn taking this risk.

Luke turns to him and their eyes meet. He’s not sure what to say. Bohdi’s eyes are wide and pleading, he can see fear in them. Luke almost says, I have to do this, because that’s how he feels, but that will likely make Bohdi feel worse. He says, “She and I will help each other and keep each other safe. I promise we will. I’ll be back as soon as possible, and you won’t have to keep hidden anymore.”

“But you haven’t met them. They did horrible things to us, if they catch you or her . . . ” he can’t finish the thought out loud.

“That won’t happen.”

“You don’t know that!” Says Bohdi forcefully. “You can’t promise it won’t.”

“I need you to trust Jyn and I,” Luke replies in an assertive tone. Bohdi starts to tear up. Luke finally asks a question he’s wanted to ask for a long time. He gently asks, “What did they do to you at that trade school?”

The closest Bohdi has ever come to saying what happened out loud before was one time with Monique, and that was because he thought she could help him, and maybe she could, but he wasn’t sure because he decided not to say anything at the time. “I’ve never told anyone, not even Jyn.”

“Please tell me,” says Luke, and he caresses Bohdi’s cheek gently.

“I - but I - ” he stares into his partners warm eyes and decides to do the unthinkable and tell him. He feels a steely resolve form in him. “The school was a trade school, but D. S. E. owned it, and they used us as test subjects.”

He had a hard time remembering his time there because of this, which made it harder to talk about. It was out of order, and hallucinations mixed with real events. It was an impossible tangle.

Luke’s eyes remain steady. Bohdi explains more. “It really started when I found mum dead. She had a heart attack. The Erso’s knew her and I and adopted me. I didn’t talk for awhile and I would get lost in time sometimes, but I got better.” He pauses, “Then they found us and shot my new mum. I was sent to that school, and for a month or two every year, they would experiment on us. They mostly tested injections on us that made our nerves hypersensitive, but sometimes they tested other drugs as well. I hallucinated sometimes, so I have a hard time remembering what was real. I think that drug that they used to heighten our nerves is why I’m as anxious as I am, and that plus the other drugs they tried on me is why I get so lost in time. When I hallucinate, it feels and looks so real.”

“I’m so sorry Bohdi,” says Luke, his voice cracking as quite a few tears escape. He pulls his partner into a warm embrace, kissing his forehead. More tear drops appear on his pillow and he swallows hard to keep from sobbing. His hand comes up and he caresses Bohdi’s face again.

“They didn’t beat us, they had us work endlessly and they tested that awful stuff on us. I didn’t get to see Jyn or dad much at all. Jyn was beaten by Krennic, and it happened often. They also did something to her and dad, but I don’t know what, just that they didn’t fight back after that. They looked haunted. Jyn’s still haunted by something horrible. Fuck. If you’re gonna go, I have to tell you what to do if she’s lost in those memories.” So he does.

Luke interrupts partway through it and says, “I don’t want to be away from you. I want to stay and hold you close, but I’m not gonna leave you in this situation either.” It’s tearing his heart out. He didn’t know Jyn sometimes shut down like this. He completely understands why Bohdi doesn’t want him to do this, but he has to do this for him anyway. “I love you Bo.”

Bohdi pulls back slightly so he can move more and see Luke’s face. He kisses Luke, deepening it, then he stops and wipes away Luke’s tears. “I love you too. You and Jyn better come back to me safely, but stop promising you will. You can’t guarantee that you will. You can only do your best.”

Luke nods, accepting it. He kisses Bohdi. He has no more words, and this may be their last night together for awhile.

. . .

Jyn and Luke disappear at different times.

Luke doesn’t come home from work one night and Leia finds his phone in her room.

Jyn is gone when Cassian gets home from work two mornings later. He knows what she is doing is good, but he still breaks down and cries hard when he sees her laptop, phone, and necklace on the night stand.

Bohdi is at Cassian’s eating dinner a couple days later when a distraught Kay arrives at the door with news that distracts everyone’s attention from Jyn and Luke’s absence. Kay arrives and tell him that Monique and him had a fight and they broke up.

“What happened?” Asks Cassian.

“She said I need help with mental issues and I told her I am completely fine. She kept saying you don’t have to tell me but you can’t pretend nothing is wrong. Cassian I am fine!”

Bohdi speaks up, “You have nightmares every night about a bad mission.”

“I do not!”

“I was your roommate remember? Every. Night.”

“Well, I’m fine. I don’t need help or a girlfriend.”

Cassian doesn’t know what to say. Monique wasn’t wrong, Kay had been through a lot and hadn’t dealt with much of it. Monique was also really good to Kay and he was good to her as well. It sounded like she saw him refusing to deal with what happened as a red flag that could not be overlooked. What he says out loud is, “I’m sorry Kay.”

. . .

They hear nothing from Jyn or Luke.

It’s quiet, then a month later information about the inner workings of D. S. E. Imperial Corporation become much more available than usual. News stories about them start appearing at an increasing rate.

Jyn built a group of programs that work like a lattice. She planned them for quite awhile but finished building them while she and Luke were on the move. She finally started deploying them, exploiting the trap her father built into the system, exposing company secrets.

It was a small leak that grew. As it got bigger, there were stories of D. S. E. Imperial Corporation changes in department leadership.

Soon there were announcements. The first was of the “tragic” suicide of Orson Krennic. The company published his detailed suicide note . . .

. . . which was a huge mistake.

Rey’s intel had been correct. While not many people outside or inside the company saw him much over the last eight years, enough of them did to cast serious doubt on the narrative. The note was seen as fake.

For the last eight years, those who met Krennic noticed two things about him. The first was that he didn’t talk. He smiled, waved, and nodded along with conversations, but he said nothing. The second was that sometimes he looked really out of it and confused, so he always had an assistant or minder nearby.

When the company tried to use him as a scapegoat to get past the massive scandal, no one bought their explanation.

What no one knew, outside of Vader, Palpatine, Tarkin, and Krennic’s two minders, was why he hadn’t been a threat to anyone for the last eight years. Vader tortured him for hiring Saw Gerrera as Jyn’s coach. Saw was using a different name, but there was no way Krennic could have hired Gerrera if he’d looked into him properly. He did a simple background check and nothing more. Vader tortured him well past the breaking point and Krennic was left as a shell of himself. He was still brought to work events sometimes to look the part of the company executive continuing to lead his department, but he could literally only look the part. It was just for show, and it became less convincing over time.

Wilhuff Tarkin was the next scapegoat. Palpatine himself announced the sad passing of Tarkin. He had a sudden heart attack over night. And now Palpatine felt he could let them all know that in fact this was Tarkin’s spy software project and he got carried away. The rest of the company, himself included, had no idea.

No one really believed that either, not after the botched story of Krennic’s suicide and Tarkin seemingly not being involved with the software department. It looked obvious that blame was all over D. S. E., and not on one person. At least not on any of the people the company had suggested so far.

Questions were being asked, investigations were being started. It was already a P. R. nightmare and it was starting to become a criminal one as well.

After the scapegoating of Krennic and Tarkin failed, the company went quiet.

. . .

“Our only chance of moving past these scandals is to find the only one we can still credibly scapegoat. Can you force him out?” Palpatine asks Vader.

“Assuming he’s still alive, I can. I just have to find his daughter or son,” replies Vader.

“Is that possible?”

“I have a lead.”

“Good. Hunt them down and leave me out of it. I need to have clean hands.”

“Yes sir,” replies Vader. His boss demands as much plausible deniability as possible. Even now with the company in crisis, he’s still demanding it. Vader is tired of risking his reputation while Palpatine stays above everything, but he isn’t going to admit it. He’s just so tired of this life.

His lead is one short clip from a CCTV camera. It’s from America. In it, a woman fights off six guys. Her style of fighting caught his attention. He’s seen it before . . . in those taught by Saw Gerrera.

He has to find her because he and Palpatine know there is only one person left who they can credibly blame. They have to find Galen Erso.

Chapter Text

That sound, that gait, she recognizes it. After all this time, it’s still burned in her brain. She should warn Luke but she’s having a hard time with words. Suddenly she is eight years old again, but she is desperately trying to be twenty four.

Shit.

He’s here.

Come on Jyn! Be practical! Move!

He’s here, Palpatine’s right hand, his enforcer, the monster under the bed, the one who fills her mind with fear. Krennic was cruel, but they sent Vader in when they wanted to terrorize someone.

How is he here?

How did he find us?

She finally gets out a warning, though it’s not much above a whisper, and it’s too late, “Luke, your father is here.”

Luke sees something he’s never seen in Jyn before, abject terror. This is bad. “Let’s go to the roof.” They’ve stayed in seedy motels, tents, fields, crack houses, and condemned buildings with squatters, like the one they’re in now. This one doesn’t contain too many others. They have very few belongings with them.

She whispers, “Too late.”

Luke springs into action getting in front of her in a protective stance. He has to protect her. He promised. He can’t fail her and Bohdi, he just can’t.

Vader strides into the room, immediately commanding the space. He’s only in his late forties, so he’s still the large unusually strong man Jyn remembers. Eight guards fan out behind him.

Vader sees this young blond guy attempting to shield a small woman. He wonders which one of these two got into D. S. E.’s system, because whoever did is in this room. As of yesterday he realized that the same target he was hunting for is also connected to the one that broke into the system.

The blond guy looks ready to fight, and the one behind him looks like the woman he’s been looking for.

“Vader, that’s you right?” Asks this young guy. Vader cocks his head slightly to the side. Most people either beg or say nothing, and this guy not only asked him a question, he asked it in an unusually calm way. Then the guy says something that catches Vader completely by surprise. “I’m your son.”

“Not possible.” Vader surges towards the guy, grabs his hand and crushes it. It happens so fast Luke doesn’t register that he’s under attack until Vader picks him up by his throat.

Now the woman reacts. She’s small, but she’s a tiny scary whirlwind. She punches him in the kidney, quite hard, and kicks the back of his knee causing it to buckle briefly, before his guards go after her. She’s taking on six of them at once. They seemingly have her in a hold, until she climbs and kicks off of the wall sending them sprawling. Now he’s sure she’s the one they’ve been looking for. She fights like one taught by Saw Gerrera. They only manage to take her down when three of them simultaneously tase her.

The blond kid is fighting back hard by kicking. He uses the hand that isn’t broken to try pry Vader’s hand from his neck to get some air, and he sinks his fingers into Vader’s hand at the same time. This kid will give him bruises, but he’ll be fine. If Vader were smaller and weaker, it would make more of a difference. He throws the blond kid against the wall then tases him much longer than necessary.

Luke can’t get up, he can barely move.

Next Vader crouches down by the now zip tied woman. Her arms are zip tied together behind her and her legs are zip tied together. His underlings already removed her boots and socks and emptied her pockets. One of the female guards was tasked with making sure there were no other weapons in her bra or underwear by frisking her, and she’s just finishing that task now. They’ve taped her mouth shut. Vader takes her by the chin and forces her to look at him. “You were trained by Gererra,” he says in a voice that makes her tremble in fear. “Look at me!” She does, and he looks into her eyes. They are full of fear. He recognizes her eyes. He’s captured Jyn Erso.

They have their leverage.

They sweep the room, and only find some clothes, some blankets, and a laptop. He systematically wipes and wrecks it. These two don’t have any other electronics.

Vader asks the guard who frisked Jyn, “Which one of them do you think got in our system?”

“This one,” she replies, pointing to Jyn. “He’s a librarian with no coding experience. We don’t have many details on her, but we know she codes.”

Jyn hears this, and wonders which of her friends was made to tell them she programs. Were they beaten until they talked or tricked into telling them? She hopes it was the latter.

The woman talking to Vader pauses then asks, “Do we tell Palpatine we found the one who got in?”

“No, not until we’re back at headquarters. It’s outside of the current mission, so he’ll want to hear about it in person.”

Jyn’s surprised that wasn’t part of the mission. It means they were here for her only. The mission is to draw out Galen.

Vader hears a name he hasn’t heard often, the name of the only one he remembers feeling love for. In a weak yet determined voice, the kid he threw against the wall says, “Padmé Amadala is my mother, you are Anakin Skywalker, and I’m - ”

Vader rushes over and backhands the kid hard enough to send him flying into the wall again, then he kicks him in the stomach a few times and stomps his side once. He turns and grabs the incapacitated girl. Before he drags her away, he stops to tell this insolent guy, “I will meet you in your city tomorrow where I’ll show you real power. I will show you why you and your support system will never interfere again.”

He’s going to make them watch enough of what he does to Jyn Erso live that they never take on the corporation again.

“Stop, take me instead,” begs the kid, his voice strained. Breathing is hard and painful, moving is worse, he’s sure some of his bones are broken.

The door slams shut, he is alone.

. . .

Jyn wet herself out of fear when he was sent to scare her when she was eight. She doesn’t this time, the tasers however, caused her to piss herself. A small part of her is resigned to what’s about to happen, even as another part of her is devoted to escaping the upcoming hell. She is mostly trying to get her fear under control. She remembers him. She remembers how he was not afraid to hurt people, to torture, to maim, and to kill. He would have done it to her at eight, sixteen, or twenty four. Whatever it took to get what he wanted out of people. There was nothing he wouldn’t do.

What happens when Bohdi finds out? What happens when Cassian finds out? What happens to Bohdi if? if? Is Luke ok? Is Luke alive?

Who did they get information about me from?

What the fuck just happened? Am I awake? What happens now?

And Vader already wiped and smashed that laptop. I can’t get to my backups.

They’ve dragged her to wherever here is, she’s not sure. She’s in cargo pants, a tank top, and she still has all her underthings on because while Vader is a violent monster, he doesn’t sexually assault his victims.

Her clothes are filthy, and she’s already got bruises and scrapes all over, especially around the zip ties. Now they’re injecting her with something, and she whimpers through the tape which is still on her mouth. She would beg them not to if she could, though she’s sure they wouldn’t listen. She doesn’t know what is in the syringe, just what it does. It will keep her awake and keep her nerves on edge. This is gonna hurt even more than it should.

In her mind she hears Saw’s voice telling her, pay attention, pay attention child, look for a way out.

She’s in a gray concrete room and the door is open. The room will probably be soundproof when they close it. She tries to listen to everything. She hears a conversation between the monsters.

“He said he’s my son,” Vader tells Palpatine. They are talking over a cellphone. Vader can’t quite believe what that kid said. He was angry when the guy said he was his son but he didn’t think anything of it until he told him his mother was Padmé Amadala. Their relationship had problems, but cheating wasn’t one of them. He knew Padmé only slept with him, and she’s the only woman he’s ever been with. Also, how did he know his old name?

Palpatine’s oily voice comes through the phone, “Do you think he was telling the truth, and that you have children?” Palpatine laughs.

Children? Children? Why did he say children? Does he know something?

Vader keeps these thoughts and questions to himself.

Palpatine continues, rubbing salt into an old wound, “Who would the mother be? You don’t have romantic entanglements. I think you’ve been lied to.” Palpatine never talks about Padmé directly.

Vader doesn’t trust his old partner as much as he used to. He decides to play along so as not to give him anymore information about his current state of mind. “You’re right. It’s just lies.”

Jyn cries out in pain in the background. There is still tape over her mouth. The guards have her arms behind her and have hoisted her off the ground by her wrists. Her chest is nearly parallel to the ground. The angle alone has her in excruciating pain. The injection is making it worse, adding pain that feels like needles crackling along her nerves. It’s all so bad that she has to fight hard to keep her mind on anything other than pain.

“I have to go,” says Vader, and he hangs up. He doesn’t want to talk to Palpatine more than he has to. He asks his guards, “Is the camera set up?”

“Yes sir,” replies one of them.

“And you gave her the injection?”

“Yes sir,” replies a different guard.

“Good, now get out,” and a second later, the door is closed and he’s alone with her. He puts on a mask, the one he wears when he tortures. He turns on the camera and holds up today’s local newspaper, making sure the date is seen. He turns and tears the tape off of her mouth.

She’s breathing hard, tears stream from her eyes from excruciating pain, and yet she’s still trying to pull herself up and get herself together. She’s afraid, but she hasn’t completely given up. She’s strong.

He’ll break her anyway.

He’s still wondering how on earth she broke into their system. No one at the company even really understood why Galen’s program worked the way it did. They thought they did, but it became clear that they didn’t when he disappeared. Is Jyn a genius or something? Is he about to break someone as brilliant as her father? He pushes those thoughts aside because yes, he is. He is going to break her.

He takes her chin in his hand and makes her look at him. Normally this is when he’d say something threatening to get her even more on edge, but this time, he doesn’t. He doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t know what to say. This is already different because she isn’t saying anything either. They beg unless they’ve had a break with reality and gone into their mind, but they’re completely unresponsive when that happens. She isn’t unresponsive so she must remember that begging for mercy is futile and know that the room is soundproof. When they beg and plead, it just makes him crueler. He should be annoyed that she’s figured this out, but his mind is all over the place.

She looks to be close in age the to that kid who insisted he was his son, that kid who said he was Padmé’s.

Vader just continues to stare into Jyn’s eyes. He remembers her, he remembers them all, and she most definitely remembers him. He remembers when she was eight and he showed her exactly what he was capable of. He had become less capable as time passed, but she doesn’t know that. He’d seen true fear in her eyes, and in the eyes of many others before and since. Today he sees a lot of fear, but now it isn’t just abject terror like it was then. It is fear mixed with exhaustion and resignation, and a little bit of resolve.

He lets go of her face. She’s slowly spinning in the air. Time to get to work. He backhands her and then when she comes around, he’s about to hit her again, but she manages to bite him . . . hard. She draws blood. He actually has a hard time getting her off of him, and punches her hard enough that he thinks he might have broken some of her teeth.

She yelps like a wounded animal when he punches her in the face again and once in the stomach. Now she swings back and forth instead of around and blood drips from her mouth making a line on the floor.

He grabs her chin, then says, “Look at me!” She whimpers but she does what he says, her eyes are red and still leak near constant tears. He stares.

Could his child with Padmé have lived? If so, it was definitely his, she’d never been with anyone else and neither had he. She would have broken things off with him before being with anyone else.

What would his life have been like if he was taking care of a child?

He knew this woman’s father, and he was about to force him out into the open by doing horrible things to her. They needed him to be a scapegoat. They could sacrifice him and continue bringing peace through coercion and fear. He was about to leverage the love of a parent to get what he wanted yet again. Her father loves her deeply.

If he was a parent, what would he do for his child?

He can’t do this anymore. He lets go of her chin and turns off the camera. He unties the rope from the wall, she falls down unable to brace herself with her arms still tied behind her, so she falls onto her knees and right shoulder. He clips her ropes to a loop recessed into the floor, turns off the lights, and leaves her there locked in the completely dark room. “No one enters that room but me,” he growls at his underlings.

“Yes sir,” they reply in unison.

Half an hour later, he goes back in that room, locking the door behind him. He tries one more time. He puts on his mask then turns the camera on. Her arms are still tied together behind her and she’s attached to the floor when he starts kicking her in the stomach. He kicks her twice. She groans and vomits.

He can’t do this. He turns off the camera, rips off his mask and throws it against the wall so hard that it shatters. He sits down suddenly right next to Jyn. She is quivering and curled up on the floor in a puddle of her own blood next to a puddle of her own vomit.

He takes some deep breaths before he finally asks, “Is he really my son?”

She says nothing.

He knows she should be able to hear him, and that she’s conscious. At this point, he is not sure if she has gone into her mind and shut out the world like some of them do. “You bite really hard.”

She’s still shaking when she starts to edge away from him.

So she hasn’t shut down, she hears him. She’s having a hard time breathing, she must just be getting her bearings. “I have a question. I promise the only one I plan to hurt is you. Not your relatives, not that kid you were with, not anyone else in your life, only you, if you answer my question.” She keeps edging away from him, but that’s fine. There’s no where for her to go. “Am I a father?”

“Yes,” she says quietly in a coarse high pitched voice. Her voice is weak from what he’s done to her.

Jyn is desperately trying to figure out how to use these new circumstances to her advantage. Vader lies like he breathes, but she can tell when he’s lying. He’s not lying now. He asked her sincerely. This isn’t a mind game. He’s also not torturing her like he usually would torture someone. Something is different. Knowing more information might change everything.

Between labored breaths, she says, “You have two kids with Padmé.”

He’s rarely truly surprised, but he is now. He turns and stares hard.

What. Did. She. Just. Say.

Two children, two babies, two . . . . he was the father of two, with Padmé . . .

She’s still not looking at him, she’s too physically tired to do so. She would have to turn in an uncomfortable way to see his face.

“Are you sure?” He asks quietly, moving his face close to hers.

“Yes. I’ve seen pictures of Padmé, she looks just like her,” she replies quietly.

A daughter that looks just like Padmé. He loved her deeply, but the closer he got to Palpatine the less he could trust those around him. He and Palpatine were bringing peace. They sold their wares allowing peace to be maintained by force. It was cruel but necessary. Little by little back then, everyone kept turning against him. It made him so angry because they turned against him when his goal was so noble. It was to bring peace! When Padmé turned against him, he laid hands on her, strangling her. She wasn’t dead when he let go, but she was soon after.

Palpatine was the one who told him she and the baby died.

But the baby didn’t, and she was carrying two of them? Palpatine said children! How the fuck did I not know she was having twins? We weren’t talking as much, our relationship was falling apart, she probably decided not to tell me. No, that’s not the whole truth, she was afraid to tell me.

In the end, Padmé feared me.

It really was suspicious that everyone “turned” on me as I got closer to Palpatine.

His mentor demanded absolute loyalty, yet gave none. Vader had the thought of how suspicious it was at times throughout the years, but always pushed it aside. He was in too deep.

But now, he can’t push it aside.

I’m a parent? Have I been one all along?

“Is there DNA proof?” He asks, already knowing the answer has to be yes. Who would admit he, a monster, is their father without it?

She’s still breathing heavy trying to get the pain under control. Her reply is just above a whisper, “Yes.”

He growls in response and Jyn shudders next to him.

Vader’s train of thought continues.

Fucking DNA proof? I have living children? I just beat the shit out of my living child? I definitely did lasting damage to him.

I am in so deep, but what kind of world have I made for me and Padmé’s children? Do I want a child of mine, a child of hers, to live in the world I’ve been building? A world of peace brought about by fear? A world of people controlled by fear? A world of fear?

This woman, I and the others scared her and her father into compliance. She spent the last eight years of her life on the run. Is that something I would do to my own children? The real question is would I do that to Padmé’s children? She is still the only one I remember loving. I also remember this woman as an eight year old, with her tiny terrified face. She survived. She thrived. She broke into our system for fuck’s sake. She looks like shit at the moment but that’s because of me, she’s actually strong and resourceful. But me, Palpatine, Krennic, and Tarkin, we turned her existence into hell, and somehow, she survived.

I don’t want to break her. I can’t break her. I can’t break anyone anymore. I’m not going to break her.

Fuck, I have changed.

And Palpatine knew, all this time he knew? He said children!

A new deep rage towards his mentor grows by the second.

I’m in too deep, but maybe it’s time to end all of this anyway.

He looks Jyn over, cataloging her current state. She’s swelling and bruising, covered in blood, sweat, tears, vomit, and urine based on the smell. She’s in an uncomfortable position and her shoulders are out of their sockets. He can at least make that a little better. He picks her up to move her and she whimpers, clearly afraid he’s going to hurt her more. Maybe he had already done more damage to her than he realized. He thinks back, and it’s not a maybe. He definitely did a lot of damage.

He hasn’t decided what to do next just yet or ultimately what to do with her, but he has decided to attempt to make her more comfortable or at least get her into a more manageable position before they put her in the back of the windowless van to take her back to her city. He does change how she’s tied, removing the zip ties which cut into her. The rope is still rough on her wrists, but just rope is better than rope and zip ties. He puts her shoulders back in their sockets. That causes her to cry out in pain, though she tries to stifle it. He does not untie her because she is scrappy and unpredictable. She might manage to hurt him again. He’ll have to get her to drink some water.

He’ll send five of his underlings ahead to set up his gear in an old factory. They will meet up with the other four he left there with his other two captives. The rest of them will get there sometime early tomorrow. He’ll meet that blond boy and those connected to Galen’s kid.

Padmé would be enraged if she knew that I hurt our son.

I can’t undo it.

I can, however, change.

If I’m going to change things, I need help.

And that kid with blond hair and blue eyes is really mine? If I am really a father this isn’t what I want for my children, for Padmé’s children.

Why have I never asked myself what world I would want for my own children if I were a parent?

What the fuck is wrong with me? How have I never asked myself this question until now?

I am a monster. I have wasted my life and made many others lives a living hell then cut them short for something I don’t want for my children. My life for the last 22 years is a lie.

“You say nothing to any of the guards. Do you understand?”

“Yes sir,” she eeks out quietly.

He gets up and leaves the room. She’s back in complete darkness.

. . .

He doesn’t lay hands on her again, but loud sounds and bright lights are used to keep her awake as they travel overnight. He doesn’t want those under him to think he’s gone soft. He scares Jyn when makes her drink a little water. She doesn’t trust that it’s water and his touch still causes her nothing but fear.

When they reach the abandoned factory early the next morning, Vader ties her to a chair by his other captives. She promptly falls asleep.

Chapter Text

Bohdi and Kay are at Cassian’s when they hear near constant frantic knocking. The three of them are attempting to take their minds off their significant and no longer significant others in the case of Kay by watching a movie. It’s not really working.

Cassian idly wonders if it could be Baze or Churrit as he walks to the door, but then he remembers they are away on vacation at a rented lake house and five hours away. As soon as he unlocks the door, Luke rushes in. “They took Jyn, they have her, and they’re bringing her here. Well, not to this house, but to our city. Quick, I need your phone.” Luke’s voice is hoarse and strained.

Cassian hands it to him, noticing nasty bruising around his neck and half of his face. Luke looks terrible. Cassian is already cataloging more injuries. He asks Luke in a low dangerous voice, “What do you mean they have Jyn? Who has her?”

Kay and Bohdi have already rushed over the moment they realized it was Luke. “Someone took her?” Asks a fearful Bohdi.

“I’ll explain.” Whoever he’s calling picks up, “Leia? I’m at Cassian’s please come quick.” After a pause he adds, “No she’s not here, that’s the problem.” He hangs up, then hands the phone back to Cassian. Cassian sees Luke’s other hand is completely mangled.

Luke starts to pace, and Bohdi takes him by both shoulders, then lets go when Luke winces involuntarily. He’s afraid that he’ll hurt Luke who must have more injuries under his clothes. “Please, what happened to you guys? Where is she?”

“I’m not sure, but I know where she will be, kind of. I’ll explain everything I know. I promise.”

Moments later, Leia, Han, and Rey arrive. Leia walks right in like she owns the place. “They were with me when you called. What happened? Oh my god!” She takes in Luke’s face, rushing over to carefully inspect him. Her look turns to barely concealed rage, “Who did this to you?”

“Vader.”

The implications hit Bohdi like a freight train. “VADER HAS JYN!?!?” He’s instantly completely terrified and enraged. He starts speaking quickly, “No, no, no, he’s terrorized her and I before, he did something horrible to her and dad, he can’t have her again. What happened?”

“We got into their system, exposed, well a lot. I’m sure you've seen it on the news and other places. It was going well. We were planning to come back home soon. Then Vader showed up with his guards. They took Jyn.” Luke is pacing like he might lose his mind. “That guy, he’s, he’s huge. I told him I was his son, and he crushed my hand before I even knew I was under attack, then he had me by the neck, threw me, tased me, hit me, kicked and stomped me. I said Padmé was my mother and his original name. Her name had some affect on him. I have no idea how they actually subdued Jyn. She’s a nightmare in a fight. She punched Vader hard then the guards were on her. I saw her kick off the wall knocking a bunch of the them down, then they hit her with tasers I think, it got confusing. I begged him to take me instead - ”

“ - but they took her because they want to draw out Galen,” interrupts an absolutely devastated Bohdi. “They want to put the blame on someone and he’s the only credible option left. They want him to come out of hiding and say it was all his fault.” Bohdi snaps to attention, anger and resolve in his eyes. “Where did they take her?” Bohdi also takes in Luke’s injuries more, he gets close again inspecting him gently. Luke has missed his gentle caress so much.

“He’s bringing her to our city, I don’t know where exactly. He knew more about what we were doing than either of us expected. He wants to scare everyone she’s connected to into staying out of this.”

“We should probably do something about that hand of yours,” says Han. He’s also noticed more than just Luke’s hand needs medical attention.

“No, not now, I have to figure out where she is and go to her,” replies Luke. “I have to convince him to let her go.”

Bohdi is shaking in anger now and looking at Luke’s hand. Rey puts a firm yet gentle hand on his shoulder to help him stop shaking. She has helpful questions. “Luke, what does the vehicle look like that they took her in?”

“Gray van, no windows. They also had black SUVs. I crawled to the window and saw them shove her in that van.”

“That helps. I can work with that. What else happened that you remember?”

“They wrecked and wiped her laptop. Vader has at least eight people with him.”

Han’s phone starts ringing. He doesn’t recognize the number. “Hello.” Han’s eyes go wide when the person starts talking. He pulls a notebook out of his pocket and writes something down in a hurry. “Yes, I understand, no police. Is she even alive?” He asks sounding like his usual gruff laid back self even though visually, he’s freaking out.

Whoever he’s talking to hangs up, and a moment later everyone but Bohdi and Luke receive a video of her. This Vader guy knows their numbers?

Vader sends part of the video taken the day before. It starts with Jyn being punched in the stomach and crying out, then she’s swinging forward and back, blood dripping from her mouth to the floor. Her wrists are tied with zip ties and rope and her arms are behind her. She’s suspended by her wrists. She looks bad. She’s in her tank top and cargo pants, her boots and socks are long gone. Her shoulders, upper arms, and the area around her collarbone are completely bruised. She’s covered in blood, sweat, and dirt. There are dried and wet tear tracks on her face. The guy who punched her is in a mask. He takes her by the chin and orders her to look at him. She does, her eyes are red and leak new tears due to excruciating pain from the way she’s been hung up and though they don’t know about it, from what was in that syringe. Her face is bruised and swelling. She looks at the man in the mask, not at the camera. The video stops.

“Fuck no,” says Cassian, then he attempts to keep calm. Cassian and Bohdi are both screaming at themselves internally to keep it together, keep it together. They can’t help her if they can’t keep it together.

They all receive another video. This one is of Lando, Elle, and Jyn. They are tied to chairs and have tape over their mouths. Lando and Jyn look injured and appear to be unconscious. Elle doesn’t look like she was beaten, but she does look like she’s been tied up for quite awhile. She is alert, her eyes are wide and terrified. This video is short, it’s from today.

“He demanded that we meet him at an abandoned factory. We can’t alert anyone. No calling the authorities, got it?” Says Han.

“Yes, let’s go!” Bohdi replies and starts leaving.

“Bo, let’s get a game plan together first,” says Han, stopping him. They all look at Han waiting expectantly for the plan. “He told me where they are.” Then he looks at them all pointedly, “And we call no one, got that, absolutely no one. They had our information and know we’re connected. There’s no telling what else they already know. We need to empty our pockets too, I’m sure they’ll search us.”

“Why do they want us all there?” Asks Kay.

“They want to scare us so we won’t interfere,” says Bohdi. It’s obvious to him.

“Maybe I can talk him out of this,” says Leia. If anyone can, it’s her. She is incredibly diplomatic and persuasive when she wants to be.

“Maybe you can, but for now turn off your phones and give them to me,” demands Rey. “I can hide them in the car but if we have them turned on and on us they’ll take and wipe them. Also, empty your pockets like Han said.” They all comply. Rey hides their turned off phones and a few other things in secret compartments in her car.

Bohdi, Luke, Leia, and Han get into Leia’s car, and Rey takes Cassian and Kay in her car. When they pull up to the abandoned factory, some people with big scary guns search them before roughly pushing them into the building. The thing Jyn was hung off of is set up, but no one is on it. There appears to be other torture apparatus ready as well. There are twelve guards who are acting menacingly, this massive Vader guy, and behind them all tied to chairs are Jyn, Lando, and Elle.

Elle is facing them, Lando and Jyn are on either side of her. They are both in profile.

Cassian and Bohdi are desperately trying not to panic. Kay puts one heavy hand on Bohdi’s shoulder, and the other on Cassian’s, attempting to help them remain calm. It helps.

Elle, Lando, and Jyn look so small all tied up with tape over their mouths. Lando and Jyn appear to be unconscious or asleep. It isn’t apparent if either of them realize their friends have arrived.

Vader no longer plans to scare them to stop them from interfering. Right now, he wants one thing. He wants to see if Jyn told the truth about his daughter looking like Padmé.

She looks just like her mother.

The blond kid, his son, Padmé’s son, is back, and he looks terrible. Vader feels guilty. He did this to his son, to Padmé’s son. She would be ashamed of him. He hides his feelings completely. His voice booms as he tells them, “There is a sophisticated weapons system set up in this room, and at the push of a single button, I can kill all seven of you. No sudden moves. Got it?”

It’s true. He did set it up. He waits to see if they all nod in understanding. Once they all do, he pushes a different button and all twelve of his underlings drop to the ground unconscious. Then he growls, “The other weapon’s system is still active.” He has to maintain control. “Do not move!”

He walks to Jyn, crouches in front of her, and carefully removes the tape from her mouth. His face is immediately covered in her saliva and blood. She had a lot of blood in her mouth, and is quite good at spitting. He glares. He wipes his face with his sleeve while telling her, “This doesn’t end unless Palpatine’s dead. You understand that right? I have to kill him. I’m the only one who can get close enough to do it.”

She looks into his eyes and thinks for a long time. “What happens once he’s dead?” Her voice is coarse.

“I’m going to use that program you made to finish exposing everything all at once before anyone can stop me. Then I’ll turn myself in.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean why?”

“What’s your motive for all this?” She needs to hear him say it out loud.

He does not want to tell her because he is ashamed, but he needs her. He slowly tells her, “I don’t want this world I’ve made for my . . . for Padmé’s children.”

She stares, her tired red eyes boring a hole into what’s left of his soul. “You’re not lying. You lie whenever your lips move, why aren’t you lying now?” It’s rhetorical, she’s just still processing. She knows why. She says, “I understand.”

“Explain it to them.” He turns her in the chair to face them. He keeps his hand menacingly on the button. His face is still smeared with her blood.

“Wait, how much does Palpatine know?” She asks.

“What do you mean?” Asks Vader in return.

“Does he know my address and all of their addresses and phone numbers or do only you know that information?”

“Just me and them,” replies Vader, indicating the guards. “Palpatine demands plausible deniability. He doesn’t even know I’ve found the person getting into our system. Now can you explain it to them?”

Lando is conscious now, he’s slowly looking around the room. Vader hasn’t untied the three of them yet because he has to get all of them to understand first.

Jyn explains, “He has to go back and kill Palpatine, then he can expose everything. That lot stays here, they can’t be allowed to check in with anyone.” She indicates Vader’s unconscious guards. “It won’t look suspicious because he’ll say they’re keeping me somewhere hidden away as leverage so they can’t check in. I have to be kept alive, so it’s a good cover. Lando and Elle would be set free once they’ve been sufficiently scared into compliance. Since they caught me, and Palpatine knows about it, this can only end once he’s dead, and fuckface over here is the only one who can get close enough to kill him. Certain government agencies all around the world will cover up their involvement and everything else unless he’s dead and all the company’s secrets are exposed to the public at the same time.”

“And then I’ll turn myself in,” Vader says from behind her.

Bohdi speaks up, and he is frightening, “Why the fuck should we believe anything that comes out of your lying mouth?!?!”

Vader just looks back down at Jyn. She says, “He lies like he breathes, but he’s not lying this time.”

“How do you know?” Asks Bohdi.

“I just do,” says Jyn. She’s not sure how to articulate why.

“Do we have an understanding?” Asks Vader, in his usual commanding voice.

“Yes,” says Bohdi, no hesitation. He’s Jyn’s fiercest supporter.

Cassian has zero desire to agree, but he does because he trusts Jyn. “Yes.”

Luke looks at Bohdi. Bohdi has met Vader more times than he has. Part of him wants to trust his father because he strives to see the best in people, but he realizes that would be wishful thinking. He can however trust Bohdi and Jyn. “Yes.”

Rey seems like she should be naive when people meet her because she is really young, but she is not. She reads people better than most. “Yes, and we need to take weapons off these guys and tie them up, correct?” She says. She is practical as ever, no time not to be. Vader nods yes.

Kay adds, “Yes, I understand,” as he walks towards Lando and Elle. Vader is still standing menacingly over Jyn.

“Fine.” Leia and Han say simultaneously.

Leia starts removing weapons with Rey while Han, Kay, and Cassian go over to Lando and Elle. Bohdi starts removing weapons soon after. Luke tries to help, and Leia stops him, getting him to sit instead.

Kay carefully carries a heavily injured Lando while Han and Cassian walk a skittish Elle away from Vader.

Elle starts talking, “They got into the club’s system, went through all of Lando’s files, and they tied him to a chair and beat the shit out of him. He told them nothing, then they brought me into the room and he told them everything.”

That explains how they knew who Jyn was connected to. Vader starts untying Jyn. She musters some energy to tell them all, “I would have done the same thing.” They stop and stare. “I would have told them everything the moment they brought one of you into the room and threatened you.”

Elle stares and Lando tears up and closes his eyes. She understands, Lando feels some relief knowing that. Elle doesn’t look relieved, but she’s thankful that Jyn understands.

Vader finishes untying Jyn and she stretches carefully to see what works. She says, “You need a video don’t you. Yesterday’s isn’t enough.” For the first time that she’s ever seen, he actually looks truly sad. He doesn’t hide it. He nods yes. “Fine. Let’s sort the rest first.”

Cassian and Bohdi start to walk towards her, and that’s when it hits her she’ll break if they touch her, and she can’t. Not yet. She has to get through this first. “No, no, no! Stay over there! Help Lando and move the guards outside, stay away from me!” She looks frantic.

“But Jyn - ” starts Cassian.

“No! Not yet! Just not yet. I’m ok.” She isn’t, she is not at all ok, but that doesn’t matter right now. They reluctantly back off and do as she asks. They still don’t understand why.

“Bohdi, I need your phone, do you have it?” Jyn asks. He has the program to talk to their father tucked away in it.

“Yeah,” he replies. He and Rey go get it for her.

Vader has a question for Jyn. “I couldn’t find his number. Are you the reason I couldn’t?”

She looks up at him, but doesn’t answer because fuck him, she doesn’t want to.

He eventually says, “Your skills are impressive.” He leaves it at that.

Cassian and Kay are assessing Lando while Han keeps him steady. Jyn says, “You can take him to the hospital or Urgent Care now, he just can’t tell anyone what happened. He would have been set free once they felt he was sufficiently frightened into not talking.”

Vader asks her, “Do you still have that program somewhere?”

“Yeah. It’s multiple programs. Do you want me to set them up to run here?”

“No, I’m gonna run them from Palpatine’s console after I remove his head from his body.”

Jyn turns and stares, saying nothing for a full twenty seconds. “Ok then. You have any encrypted thumb drives?”

“I have something better.” He takes a new clean laptop from his bag. He also takes out some thumb drives and cords to connect different formats. “It isn’t connected to the internet or intranet, it’s never been connected. He monitors nearly everything I do, so I’ve been saving this for a special occasion. You can put them on here.”

They get to work on it, Jyn making sure not to touch anyone yet, especially him.

Jyn already decided she can use Bohdi’s phone. She’s modified it so it’s hard to track. She needs it to get a message to her father and Saw first, then she’ll use it to get the programs onto the laptop.

She turns to Vader. “I’ll number them for you. I also put them a few places. Do you have Pinterest?”

“What?”

“PIN-TER-EST.”

“No, I do not.”

“Fine, look, part of it is in the middle of some recipe blog entries.”

“That’s a terrible place to hide something this important.”

“You don’t actually cook do you.”

He looks a little self conscious, “I do not.”

“I’ll put them on your laptop, but if anything happens to them, you’ll know where the backups are.”

When Bohdi returns with his phone, Jyn tells him, “Put it there.” She indicates next to Vader’s laptop. She says nothing, but gets a message heading Saw and her father’s way warning them that D. S. E. will try to draw them out with a video, but the video is a fake. She’s fine. Do not take the bait. She will never forgive them if her father is drawn out by a fake torture video. Her hands aren’t working well but she eventually gets the message typed out and sent. She’s not sure how they would actually get a video in front of her father since they can’t just put it on the news. They have to try to show it to him using underground networks and contacts, there is no guarantee it would work. She still has to make sure he’s prepared just in case.

Next she downloads the programs splitting them into three folders on his laptop that is not connected and never has been connected to the internet or an intranet. It’s only, just now, been connected to Bohdi’s phone. She explains how to use the programs. Vader turns it off and puts it away as soon as she’s done.

She puts Bohdi’s phone back down and says, “Come take it.” Next she asks, “Are you guys all done?”

“Yeah,” replies Han.

“Can you take Lando to the hospital now?” Asks Jyn.

“Yeah, I’ll take him,” says Han.

“Elle remember, you can’t talk about what happened here yet,” she adds. She knows Lando already knows that, she’s not sure about Elle.

“We know,” says Elle. She’s over him trying not to cry.

Jyn adds, “Ok, take them outside and don’t come back in. We’ll come out when we’re done.”

“Jyn, I’m not leaving you in here,” Cassian begs.

She gets agitated, “No! Absolutely not! This doesn’t work without a video. He can’t get close to Palpatine without it! We can fake it,” it’s a half truth, they can fake some of it, “but I’m not doing it with any of you watching. I’ll come out right after.”

“Jyn, please not alone,” pleads Bohdi.

“OUT!” Her patience is gone. She yells at all of them because she has to get this over with. “ALL OF YOU GET THE FUCK OUT!! AND THERE’S GOING TO BE A LOT OF FAKE PAINFUL SCREAMS, DO NOT COME BACK IN HERE!! I HAVE TO DO THIS! IT’S THE LAST THING I HAVE TO DO! THE LEAST YOU CAN DO IS LISTEN TO ME AND DON’T FUCKING WATCH!!”

Cassian starts to come over to her, and all she can think is, I can’t break yet as she backs up. “I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT! GET OUT! Then wait for me!”

“Always,” says Cassian, now tearing up. He does not want to leave her alone with this monster, but he decides to trust her. She’s trusted him over and over, he has to do the same.

Bohdi grabs Cassian’s arm, and tugs him away and towards Vader. Bohdi, with a face of pure rage, says, “If you do anything she doesn’t want you to, I will personally cut you up into tiny pieces.” Vader believes if Jyn’s brother had an actual chance of taking him down in a fight, that he isn’t exaggerating, and really would cut him into tiny pieces. Enraged Bohdi is a sight to behold.

Han takes Leia’s car to take Lando and Elle to an Urgent Care that he knows will be discreet. The rest of them stay to deal with the twelve guards and to help Jyn.

When they’ve all left the derelict factory, Jyn walks over to the device she was hung from yesterday and puts her arms behind her. She’s trying not to panic and trying to seem apathetic.

“Wait, I can do this a different way so it won’t hurt as much - ” Vader starts to tell her.

“ - No you fucking can’t. Just fucking do it. I can fake being tased. I’ll even try to piss myself.”

“How do we fake blood, I need to make it look like I’m carving you up.”

“Oh my god, you’re fucking useless!” She grabs one of the sharp items, and hands him a bucket. She heads outside with him following over to the his guards.

“What are you doing?” Asks Rey, when a fuming Jyn and a confused Vader come out of the building.

“We need blood.”

Cassian heads over because at this point if she asks him for help with anything, including a murder spree, he’ll do it no questions asked. It’s been so long since he’s been able to help her. “Hey, I can help. Just don’t tell Baze.”

“Why?”

“I’m breaking some oaths.”

“Thanks.” He doesn’t touch her, he seems to understand now. They take blood from three of the guards before heading back inside. At the door, she turns and reminds them, “I’m going to put on one hell of a show for the camera. Remember the screams and cries are fake. Got it?”

They nod.

Vader and Jyn get ready. They decide to make it look like he’s been torturing her for awhile by making it look like she’s already been cut repeatedly, and that they are just adding some more. The video doesn't need to be too long. She’s covered in blood that isn’t hers soon after. Vader puts on his backup mask since he shattered his usual one the day before. He hoists her up carefully but it still puts her back into absolute agony, then he turns on the camera. She knows what to do next because how the others reacted is etched permanently into her brain. Between convulsing for a taser that he turns on but doesn’t actually touch her with, and reacting to more “deep cuts” that show up on her body using other people’s blood, she puts on a hell of a show.

Because Vader no longer believes making a world of peace brought about by fear is a worthy cause, the veil has been lifted and he is seeing everything with new eyes, and with every cry, whimper, scream, sob, every time she begs him for mercy, every time she promises she’ll tell him whatever he wants just please let her go, he feels more and more guilt. He makes sure his face betrays nothing, even through the mask. He feels increasingly sick to his stomach the longer it goes on.

He ends the video after showing today’s newspaper.

. . .

From outside, it sounds bad. The windows of the factory are broken and they can hear everything.

It’s horrifying.

Cassian knew more of what happened to those Vader scared into compliance than the rest of them, but hearing it is still so much worse. This will be the new soundtrack of his nightmares.

This will be the new soundtrack for all their nightmares.

All but one of the twelve guys is still out cold. The conscious one just looks alarmed. The rooms Vader uses are usually soundproof so while she has heard the beginning of torture sessions, she’s never heard everything until today.

After what seems like ages, it’s quiet.

. . .

Vader turns the camera off, lowers her carefully, unties her, and then he just stares. She slowly gets up. Her shoulders are a mess. One is partially out of its socket again while the other is completely out. She walks to a wall to push them back in. He heads over to help and when she realizes what he’s planning, that he plans to “help” and might touch her, she moves away and screams. “Don’t you fucking touch me!”

“But your shoulders, I can help - ” he starts to say.

“Get the fuck away from me!” Her voice is hoarse and it sounds like she’s been eating rocks, and yet it’s still strong.

At this, Bohdi realizes Vader and Jyn must be done, and he runs in. Leia and Cassian rush in after him.

Vader does as Jyn asks, and backs away. He sends the new video to Palpatine.

Jyn finished getting her shoulders back in place as Bohdi, Cassian, and Leia came into the room.

On pure adrenaline Jyn goes apeshit.

She lets out a primal scream while coming at Vader. He goes to block the fist heading for his face, but it’s a fakeout and she kicks him in the groin, causing him to double over, then she comes for his face. “You better fucking kill him! You better make it fucking painful you monster!”

Jyn’s attack is weak, but it’s still savage. Vader isn’t attacking back. He’s barely blocking her. She backs up from him and screams, “I hope whenever you close your eyes you see nothing but those you tortured, all the pain you caused. I hope you’re haunted every waking moment by every scream, every whimper, and that look on their face when they know you’re about to send them to oblivion.” She lets out one more loud long primal scream, and kicks him hard.

Bohdi was shocked when Jyn went after the monster, but now he snaps back into action and runs over to her. He kicks Vader and adds, “And tell fuckface hello from us when you kill him.”

“And you better do it real fucking soon! What I did in that video better have fucking meaning because it hurt a fucking lot! I’m watching!” Adds Jyn. She’s vibrating with rage and absolutely exhausted. She’s getting dizzy. Cassian comes to her side, catching her at the moment she’s about to fall.

Vader sits and sheds tears. He’s not sobbing, he’s quiet. He sits in melancholy as tears drip down his face. He tells her, “I can’t bring any of them back.” He just has to sit with what he’s done.

Bohdi and Jyn look thoroughly confused.

Leia speaks up and tells him in a much gentler voice than he deserves, “Go kill that other monster and show the world what you all did. That is what you can do.”

Cassian and Bohdi start to walk Jyn away. Her adrenaline is wearing off fast.

Vader says, “She’ll get delirious as the drug we gave her yesterday wears down and because she’s dehydrated. Lando was given it too.”

Cassian and Bohdi look back, Cassian wide eyed and Bohdi in absolute horror. Jyn just closes her eyes.

“Wears down?” Asks Bohdi. He didn’t say wears off he said wears down?

Vader looks at Bohdi and says, “Yes, it’s similar to what was used on you, but this one affects nerves longer.”

Jyn opens her eyes and slowly looks at Bohdi. “What does he mean used on you?”

“Fuck,” says Bohdi quietly. He doesn’t know what to say to Jyn. It has to be the same drug or a drug like what was tested on him and others over and over. Vader never showed up, it was always some other company representative. He begrudgingly asks Vader, “Is once different than over and over?”

“Yes.”

“How long?”

“Some of the effects will last for months.”

“Fucking bloody hell,” says Bohdi. They walk on. As he passes Luke, he gently touches his face on the side that looks less painful, and says, “I love you, see you at home later.” What’s unspoken is do what you have to do, I understand. They walk out of the factory and away from all this.

Jyn whispers to the two of them in a spent voice, “I’m sorry, I had to make it through that first. I wouldn’t have made it if we touched.” She tries to walk faster, wanting to get as far away as possible before she completely breaks down. It’s not working, she’s having trouble standing, never mind walking.

“Jyn, I’m gonna pick you up,” Cassian tells her.

She nods, and asks, “Please?”

“Of course querida. It’s ok, we’re ok.” He carefully picks her up bridal style. “We’re going home. There’s a warm bed with clean sheets, and it’s quiet.”

“How we gonna get there?” Asks Bohdi as he remembers how they got here. Neither of them was the driver.

“Come on, I’ll drive,” says Kay catching up and holding Rey’s keys. He carefully takes Jyn from Cassian.

“Good. See, all set, go to sleep Jynnie,” says Bohdi.

“But Bo, what did he mean about the same one used on you?” She asks.

“Nothing, he meant nothing. We’re going home ok?”

“We’re, we’re really going home?” She asks them quietly. She has to make sure. She’s beginning to have trouble following conversations. She really hopes the answer is yes.

The worry briefly leaves Cassian’s face and he answers, “Yeah, we’re going home.”

. . .

Leia and Luke sit by their biological father. Leia speaks first, “This is the first and last time I plan to talk with you. I want to know something.”

“I’ll tell you anything. What would you like to know?”

“What was mom like?”

He thinks, where do I start, “She was not the loudest person in the room, but she was always the smartest. She was excellent with words, wielding them better than anyone else. She was kind too. She knew what people needed, how to connect to them, and she often was able to take care of their needs. She kept her promises. I never should have - ”

“Nope!” Leia cuts him off. “I didn’t ask about the two of you or what happened. There are no answers or justifications that will make a difference to me. Just tell me what she was like.”

“Ok,” he replies. He wants to explain and justify what he can, but she’s right, it won’t change anything or help her. It might help him, but that’s not her responsibility. “Your mother could make anyone feel heard and understood, because she was great with words and because she truly understood people. She had real love and care for others.”

This is hard. This is painful. He’s the reason she’s no longer in this world. He also needs to leave soon. “I don’t know what your jobs are or what your lives are like, but whatever they are, she would have been supportive and enjoyed every minute with you. She loved you, I’m sure of it.”

“How do you know that?” Luke asks, sensing that there is more packed into that statement other than just mommies love their babies.

“Because she didn’t tell me about you. She loved you enough to keep you safe from whatever I was becoming. Smart woman.” He sighs. “I’m going to do what I can to end this. You cannot let them communicate and you cannot tell anyone what’s happened. Palpatine has to think they are here keeping Jyn as leverage. Lando and Elle have to lay low as well. He knows what was done to Jyn, Lando, and Elle. He knows I’ve met you,” he says addressing Luke, “but he thinks I didn’t believe you. He doesn’t have any details on the rest of you. He can probably look up information on Jyn, Elle, and Lando if he wants to, though he’ll have a hard time finding anything out about her due to the name not matching. I already removed all of your information from my devices. It has to seem like we scared Elle and Lando sufficiently. Palpatine’s old but he’s sharp and strong. I’m sorry for, everything, but I’m glad you’ve made your way in the world.”

“If all goes as planned, I would like to visit you,” says Luke.

Vader is shocked. “Thank you.” He’s not sure if Luke will actually do so, but the prospect gives him hope.

“Some local authorities are coming,” Rey tells them. “I need some help keeping them hidden. I can keep them quiet. D. S. E. Imperial Corporation should strike enough fear to keep this under wraps. You however, need to leave now.”

He nods once, packs up the sophisticated weapons that can’t be left behind, and leaves. Getting out of the country shouldn’t be a problem. Government bodies routinely cover up his doings and don’t ask questions since they’re his main buyers. He hopes Rey and the local authorities will be able to keep his guards incommunicado.

Hope, real hope, that’s something he hasn’t felt in a long time.

When Mothma and Draven pull up, they are not happy. When they see blood and the torture devices that were left behind in the factory, their anger turns into distress. They know Rey, and when she explains what she can they are not quite convinced, until Leia steps in. She is like her mother. She’s excellent with words. She convinces them to do as she asks.

. . .

Detective Mothma brings Leia and Luke to the ER. Luke does not need to be in hiding and he has health insurance, but he can’t talk about what actually happened. He lies. The medical staff can tell, but they eventually stop questioning him.

He wants to text Bo, but doesn’t because someone could be monitoring him.

“How have Kestral and Bohdi lived like this for years?” He asks Leia.

“I don’t know. Let’s hope they don’t have to much longer,” replies Leia.

Chapter Text

Kay calls Monique. “I need help.” He’s sitting on the curb outside of Cassian and Jyn’s place. He carried Jyn upstairs, and left.

She gently asks, “What do you need help with?” He sounds off to her. Something is wrong.

“With my me? I think? I think, I think I’m broken.”

Now he’s crying, she can tell he’s crying. “I’ll come to you, just leave your location on.”

“Ok.” And he hangs up.

She sits down next to him ten minutes later, and puts an arm around him. “What happened?”

“I think a bad man broke my friend. I broke people too a long time ago. I didn’t break them like he did to her, but it still hurts.” He takes a few breaths. “I’m sorry, I was such an ass to you. You were right.”

“About what?” She wants to make sure they are on the same page.

“It was traumatic, many things were. I was affected by all of it. I just don’t want to talk about it all.”

“You don’t have to tell me all about it, it was just important to me that you didn’t ignore it.”

“And that I stop acting like I’m perfect?”

She smiles, “Don’t worry, you’re already so close to perfect that you may as well be. Are you asking me back out?”

“No, you can do so much better.”

She narrows her eyes at him, then softens. “I’ll be the judge of that. Kay, would you please go back out with me and take me to our broken friend. I can help fix her.”

“It’s pretty bad.”

“Does she have a horrific brain injury?”

“No.”

“Then I’ve seen worse. Take me to her.” She takes his hand and heads upstairs. She’s pretty sure Jyn is the friend he’s talking about since they are in front of her and Cassian’s place.

“And yes,” he adds, when they get to the top. “Yes, I want to be your boyfriend. Monique’s boyfriend is one of my favorite titles.”

Monique smiles in reply.

Cassian is confused as to why Monique and Kay are at the door. Did someone ask for Monique? It’s chaotic inside as Bohdi and Jyn are both somewhat confused and getting excited because Vader not being their monster anymore is sinking in. Also, Jyn is dehydrated and the drug she was given is having weird effects. She is delirious.

She is also still covered from head to toe in a mix of blood, dirt, vomit, sweat, tears, and urine. Cassian is having a difficult time assessing her current state. The dehydration and drug have left her in something like an energetic drunken state. Monique starts to assist, then she gently takes charge when she sees how overwhelmed Cassian is. He is thankful, Monique being here helps immensely.

“She can’t go to the hospital right?” Monique asks Cassian.

“Yeah,” he does not have the energy to explain.

“Ok then, Kay and Bo, she needs an IV, so I’ll call my spa and we can get a couple of those saline B12 infusion drips. You two go pick all that up. I’ll let them know you’re coming and pay ahead.”

“Two of us?” Asks Kay, two of them are not needed for this task.

“Yes,” Cassian and Monique say in unison. These two need to leave, especially Bohdi.

They acquiesce.

Monique and Cassian take Jyn into the bathroom. Her clothes are a lost cause so they cut them off of her. They clean her off using a partial shower and partial sponge bath. They try to get Jyn to explain what was done to her. She tells them as best she can while she is side tracked a lot. They’re horrified by her ordeal.

They check and catalog her injuries, Monique checks especially for head injuries, and while Jyn was dropped she was not dropped on her head. She was punched in the face by Vader a few times. “Cassian, her head is ok, I think she’s just disoriented from being dehydrated. What was she drugged with?” She’s lightly massaging Jyn’s head while checking it which is relaxing Jyn.

“I’m not sure,” replies Cassian.

Jyn says, “A drug to keep me awake and make the pain worse. Makes my nerves cranky. It’s not a fun one. Why didn’t they give me fun drugs, like candy?”

“Candy is a drug?” Asks Cassian. He’s been trying to keep her engaged.

“Is it? Cassian, I don’t think it is,” she replies. She’s not following the conversation that well. She forgot that she started this line of thought.

Monique tells Cassian, “I don’t think her shoulders are in their sockets right. She put them back in herself?”

Cassian replies, “I was thinking the same thing, they don’t look quite right to me either. Yes, she did put them in herself, then she tried to beat the shit out of the guy.”

Monique’s eyes go wide, “Really?”

“He didn’t fight back, but she was still pretty brutal. Right Jyn.”

“I don’t want to go to the zoo today. Where’s fuckface?” Jyn asks again, pouting, not answering his question, and getting frustrated.

They also keep trying to get her to drink water, but her mouth hurts a lot so she’s resistant. Cleaning her teeth to see the damage is slow going, especially because she keeps telling them she bit fuckface. They clean her off and assess her injuries together making notes. They put her in a tank top that buttons in the front and pajama pants as her lower half doesn’t look bad, but her top half does. They need easy access to her top half and arms. Her stomach is badly bruised as well, and that’s concerning. Jyn is having a hard time figuring out what’s happening. She keeps giggling then saying ouch because her mouth hurts.

Then she smiles and talks about them like they aren’t there, “Pretty Cassian and Pretty Monique want me to drink water, and my teeth don’t wanna. Vader hurt my teeth. Is Vader around here somewhere?”

“He’s not here,” says Cassian.

There is a lull then she keeps asking them, “Where’s fuckface? I wanna kick him again.”

The fourth or fifth time she asks Monique the question, Monique decides to tell her what she wants to hear. She tells Jyn that he’ll be here soon so she can kick him again. Jyn replies with a huge sloppy smile, “I love you so much. You wanna kick him too?”

“Yeah, I love kicking that guy.” She has no idea who that guy is other than he’s the guy who made a mess of her friend. She definitely will kick him if she gets the chance.

“Does Santa kick bad people?” Asks Jyn, and it’s a serious question.

Monique snorts, then answers her. “Usually no, but Santa can make an exception for fuckface.”

“THAT’S good,” says Jyn, happy with Monique’s explanation.

Things start to calm down when Kay and Bohdi get back and Cassian starts her IV. She slowly becomes less surly, though she remains fairly delerious.

Kanan, Hera, and Sabine arrive, and Cassian did not know they were coming. Bohdi and Kay stopped at Hera and Kanan’s house to ask them to come with Sabine.

“The details Bo gave us were confusing,” Kanaan starts to say.

Sabine interrupts when she sees Jyn, “Oh my god, what happened to her?”

“Long story that can’t be told yet,” says Monique. “Can you check her shoulders? Also, she’s still dehydrated and they drugged her with something weird, so she’s out of it.”

“The drug makes her nerves more sensitive to pain, and messes with sleep,” adds Bohdi.

Cassian and Monique’s heads swing his way, they don’t know what to say.

Kanan feels the current state of her arms, shoulders, and neck gently and carefully while she asks him over and over if he wants to kick fuckface, cause it’s so fun, and he should have fun. He and Sabine have a sad exchange soon after because to fix her they have to hurt her. They talk to Cassian, Kay, Hera, and Monique about fixing up her handiwork in the other room while Jyn lays on the couch and Bohdi sits on the floor next to her. They are talking.

The group in the other room gets quiet when they notice a lot of laughter from the siblings.

Bohdi’s back! Jyn sees him! Yay for talking to Bohdi! She’s still babbling and now she’s excited, she wants to talk about today, “There were, penguins, and a bad monster man, but I, but I, but I’m not scared of him anymore. I’m ok now. I’m ok now. See me? I screamed and the monster exploded. He’s just a stupid human now.” Bohdi smiles at her. Maybe she’s actually banished one of the monsters from her mind.

He replies, “Yeah, you did, screamed that monster away. You also kicked him in the balls, so that was cool.”

She starts giggling like crazy, “That sounds like something I would do. What’s this?”

“That’s an IV, don’t pull that out,” Bohdi stops her.

“Bo, the monster, he sploded.”

“Yeah he did.”

“Sploded. Luke, your Luke, he’s real nice. He’s a good partner. You can marry him! You should marry him! We don’t gotta, we maybe don’t gotta keep hiding? Can marry people?”

Bohdi’s happy, “Oh my god, you’re right. Maybe we won’t have to keep hiding much longer! We can have friends, go to parties where people take pictures, go get a driver’s license, get heat assistance, get you health insurance.”

“Yeah, take the ice cream to the prom, steal a beluga whale, gotta do that. Need one to be my life coach.” She giggles a lot, “And a manatee. You see manatees Bo? Best ever.”

“Yeah they are!” He’s giggling just like her.

“Carp-y, carp, carp-y-bears! Bo, love carpy, cute carpy . . . bears, so cute. We should get one.”

“Will it also be your life coach?”

“Who? Nevermind. Bo, you’ve met Cassian? He’s good at everything, like cooking and kissing and, and, he’s just so kind. I love him so much. I wonder if he knows that. Luke is kind too.” She starts giggling again, “I kicked the monster in the balls.”

“He’s just a stupid human.”

“Yeah, just a stupid human. Bo, how am I gonna eat ice cream? Fuckface hurt my teeth.”

“Maybe we can get them fixed when Palpatine is dead.”

“They do that?”

“Yeah.”

The others are back in the room and Cassian cuts in to the conversation, “We can get them fixed because you need ice cream.”

She giggles a lot, she likes that idea. “Yeah, I do need ice cream. I love food, it’s better than no food.”

Sabine and Kanan have their game plan ready. Sabine starts to talk to Jyn, “Hi Jyn, remember me?” Cassian and Monique told them her real name because she’s confused, and switching names seems unwise at the moment.

“Saaaa-bean! You heard? Monster sploded. What’s this?”

Bohdi stops her from removing her IV again, “Leave that there Stardust.”

“That’s me!”

“Yes it is!”

“Hey Sunbeam!”

“That’s me! Let’s listen to Sabine,” says Bohdi, and he stops her from removing her IV again.

Sabine starts to explain, “Jyn, Kanan and I are going to fix your shoulders. You did a good job getting them in place, but they’re not quite right. Kanan and I are gonna finish getting them in right. Your arms and hands will move better after that.”

The IV is helping and she’s starting to realize more of what’s happening. “Oh no. That’s gonna hurt.”

“It won’t hurt for long,” says Kanan. It’s not true, they’ll still hurt, but she will have more control. He adds, “Are you ready?”

“No, do it anyway.” She yelps when they do. It hurts a whole lot. One shoulder takes longer than the other. They were right though. Her arms and hands are more responsive.

Sabine puts a lot of kinesio tape in all different directions on Jyn while Jyn makes up a song about manatees with dynamite that blow up monsters.

“All set,” Sabine tells her when she’s done.

“All set,” repeats Jyn. She looks for Cassian’s face amongst the group. “There you are. You’re so gorgeous and nice. I don’t know if you’ve heard, I love you. We should fuck tonight . . . but I’m busted. Vagina’s fine. Guys, you guys, you should know, my vagina is perfect. And Cassian? He’s got a great dick, and does some real great stuff with his tongue. Makes my vagina real happy,” she informs them all. They should know.

Cassian reddens as he would rather she not tell people about this kind of thing, but he doesn’t want to shush her, so he goes for a redirect, “Jyn, can you tell us more about manatees?”

“Cassian, they really need to know about how happy the sex is. Real good at oral. Got an amazing mouth. Excellent tongue. Five stars. And things he does with his fingers - ”

“ - ok, can we please talk about manatees and capybaras? Plus, you already told them, so it’s all set now,” adds Cassian. He is now beet red.

She narrows her eyes at him. Is he trying to tell me something? Maybe he thinks I’m offering to share, well I can clear that up! “But he’s not sharing it with everyone. It’s just his own dick. And mouth. And fingers. What’s this?”

“Jyn, leave that there, that’s an IV,” says Bohdi.

She gives him the goofiest smile, then pauses and takes a few breaths, which hurt. “I think I didn’t break too many ribs this time. Why’d he kick my tummy? Fuckface is dumb. I think, I think, I . . . I wanna . . . sleep. Hold my hand?” And she reaches vaguely towards them all.

“Yeah, let’s get you to bed and I’ll be there soon after,” Cassian says.

“No, I sleep here ok? Yay,” she replies quietly with half closed eyes.

Cassian moves Bohdi a little then tapes over her IV more and wraps it so hopefully she won’t take it out in her sleep. Next he looks around, and the place is messy, and some of it is not the kind of messy he can leave until tomorrow. She was covered in filth. The bathroom is a disaster.

Kay is mind reader. “Take care of her then go to sleep Cassian, I’ll clean up,” says Kay.

“Me too,” says Monique.

“And we’ll take Bohdi to see Luke,” adds Sabine.

“I’m not going anywhere,” says Bohdi. To Jyn he says, “Most of our monsters are dead now so all in all today was good for us.”

She mumbles something incoherent.

“You sure you don’t want to go see Luke?” Asks Hera quietly.

“I’m not leaving her side,” replies Bohdi. His demeanor changed the moment she fell asleep. He’s looking at the cuts around her wrists from the zip ties. “Why did they drag her all around tied up?” His eyes are getting red and tears start flowing. He doesn’t sob. He decides he has to tell them why before he forgets, it’s like it’s being wrenched out. It’s also why he forgets so much and gets so lost. “I can’t leave her when they’ve hurt her. They even used that awful injection on her. They experimented on me and some of the others at that fucked up trade school. They used a similar one on us, a lot, over and over. That’s what left my brain like this. It wasn’t constant over eight years, but I lost count of how many times, and now they did it to her.”

“Oh my god Bohdi,” says Cassian as he gets down and puts an arm around his friend who is sitting on the floor by Jyn as she sleeps. So that’s what happened to Bohdi, the part that Jyn didn’t know about.

“I’m so sorry,” says Hera, getting close, sitting on his other side, and putting her arm around him.

What else can they say? What else is there to say? They don’t know what she was given, just its effects, and the idea that it was given to Bohdi over and over and over, they’re speechless, except Monique.

She sits down on the floor by Bohdi, and takes his hand. “She’ll be ok, they only injected her once and I’m going to figure out whatever it is, and I’m going to help you. Brains and the nervous system are my specialty, I’ll do my best to counteract it for her and I bet I can make it a little better for you too. This is what I’m good at, I promise.”

“Lando too please and thank you,” says Jyn quietly.

“What the fuck? You were asleep,” says Bohdi, still crying without sobbing. He didn’t want her to know, and she usually sleeps like the dead. She was definitely asleep!

Jyn continues, opening her eyes, “I’m sorry Bo. Is it the part you never talk about?”

He lets out a long breath, “Yeah.”

“The part I don’t talk about is when they showed Papa and I what Vader would do to me if he didn’t build what they wanted. It’s burned in my brain forever. I was the thing used to keep dad in line. I was just a thing used to hurt people. That’s why fuckface needed a video today. Now you know the part I don’t talk about.”

“That’s what they did to you two?”

“Well, that was the part I couldn’t talk about,” she says quietly, then after a pause she adds, “I’m gonna fall asleep soon.” She can’t keep her eyes open, and her voice is getting quieter, “Check on Lando and Elle, Lando was shown the same thing I was when he young. Tell them I would have done the same thing. Lando knows what I know. They injected him too.” She breathes deeply then winces, it hurts. “Hey, someone needs to take these spiders off me and put them outside. They’re too big, and their glowing eyes are freaking me out.”

Without missing a beat, Bohdi reacts to her parasomnia and says, “Stardust, your eyes are closed. There are no spiders. Go to sleep.”

“Really? Tricky fake spiders. Night Bo.” She’s out cold. Bohdi, Kay, and Monique spend the night. Bohdi doesn’t leave her side. He sleeps on the floor next to the couch, he has to stay close to his hurt sister. His mind is oscillating between the past and present, between now and other times Jyn has been hurt. He keeps forgetting that anyone else is there with them.

Cassian, Kay, and Monique make sure Jyn is as set as possible, then clean up what can’t wait before they go to sleep. Cassian and Monique sleep sitting on chairs nearby. Kay sleeps on the floor.

Chapter Text

~ The next day ~

There’s fire everywhere! How’d all this fire get in here? I’m trying to take my math test and all this fire is in the way. I have to hand it in soon to the head teacher, who is just the loveliest manatee I’ve ever met, but the room is on fire. This is ridiculous. Why is the classroom on fire during test time?

Aren’t manatees usually in water?

Why am I taking a math test?

This is a dream isn’t it.

Hmmm . . .

Wait.

Does this mean I’m actually on fire?

“Turn off the fire, turn off the fire please,” Jyn begs, her voice hoarse and slurring. “Why am I in a fire?”

She gets her eyes to open briefly and tries to get up, to get out of the fire. Getting up feels like fighting her way through concrete.

She opens her eyes again and now there is a bigger problem.

“There is no fire? There’s no fire. So it, so it . . . so it won’t stop?” She doesn’t ask anyone in particular because while she’s noticed the lack of fire she hasn’t stopped to check if anyone else is here or where here is or much of anything else.

She starts to break down because everything hurts much more than ever before and there is no relief. She tries to get up, tries to escape, which is a mistake, it feels worse and now there are hands on her. The hands are gentle. Her chest feels so tight so she tries to loosen her clothes so she can get more air. She’s using her perpetually exhausted arms and hands, both of which feel so weak right now. Her chest is tight and at the moment breathing feels like fire.

She feels like a giant raw exposed nerve.

“Jyn?”

“I can’t do this,” she cries. She feels hands carefully interfering with her frantic movements.

“Jyn?”

“No, I can’t do this.” Her hands and arms have tired out so she lets them drop.

“Can’t what?”

“Fucking live.” It properly registers with her that she’s not alone. “Bo?”

Bohdi isn’t the only one there either. Baze, Cassian, and Churrit are close by. Baze and Cassian both want to move Bohdi over to check on Jyn, but Churrit wordlessly stops them. Sometimes it’s like the world falls away and it’s just Jyn and Bohdi. This is one of those times.

“Hi Jynnie,” Bohdi replies and he sounds sure of himself. He doesn’t sound anxious. He does however, sound tired. “Cassian, Baze, Churrit, and I are here. Monique and Kay went to his place but they’ll be back later, possibly tomorrow.” He pauses. “Remember they used drugs like this on me before?”

She thinks awhile because she’s still waking up, but that sounds familiar. “Yeah?” She says quietly.

“Yeah, so I know it sucks, and that that’s an understatement, but I also know how to make it a little better.”

“No, I don’t think so,” she says, not realizing she’s speaking out loud. She looks away. She is having an inner monologue out loud and she has no idea. She’s been having one out loud on and off whenever she’s awake, and she wakes up frequently even though she’s exhausted. She isn’t delirious anymore, but she is wired and in severe pain. “I still better try whatever he says because I owe him and when he finds out he’ll never forgive me. I couldn’t keep Luke safe. And they hurt Lando bad. And Elle, she looked so scared - ”

SNAP!

“Hey, it’s me,” Bohdi snaps his fingers close to her to get her full attention. “You’re saying things out loud that you don’t mean to.”

“No, shit, no.” She looks dejected. “What did I say?”

“It’s ok Jyn.”

“That’s not what I said. Did the drugs make you say everything out loud?”

“No, they didn’t. I think there are similarities but it’s not quite the same as any I had. If I’d said everything out loud I wouldn’t have kept my real name hidden.”

“Oh yeah,” she replies then thinks for a bit. The pain is taking up too much of her thought process, it’s as if there is extra static in her mind. “Why do the bottom of my feet hurt?” She asks no one in particular. “They didn’t do anything to them. I feel like my nerves are exposed to the air. It’s fucking ridiculous.” Then she has an idea. “Can I have pain medication? Anything? Like ibuprofen, aspirin, morphine, something?”

Bohdi has bad news. “The drug works in such a way that taking pain medication makes it worse, and I know for sure that it still does that because Lando was given pain medication and it didn’t go well. I forgot it could do that so I didn’t warn him and Elle. The drug makes pain medication useless.”

Jyn’s expression goes blank, then changes to devastated. She starts to cry outright because that’s a terrible answer. The pain is so complete that it is almost impossible to think and focus on anything else. It also means she keeps teetering into anger and feels irritable in addition to feeling sad. She cries hard because there is no end in sight. “I’m gonna say so many things I’ll regret later.”

“What? Why?” Asks Bohdi.

“Because the pain is too big.” She dissolves into more tears. She sobs, “This is awful. I can’t fucking think. I can usually at least master the pain enough to fucking function, but not this time. I’m gonna say mean things to everyone. I’m gonna be a total asshole. I’m fucking crying in front of people and I hate crying in front of anyone but right now I don’t even give a shit. I don’t think I can do this.” She’s shaking, her body and life seem completely out of her control.

“I’m sorry,” says Bohdi. Bohdi, her anxious Bohdi, is somehow the calm in the storm right now. The crying slows because it’s painful. When she’s a little calmer, Bohdi asks, “What do you remember from the last few days?”

She sniffs a few times and Bohdi wipes away more of her tears because her arms are tired, then she speaks. “The manatee was giving me a math test. But that was a dream.” Jyn starts to really get her bearings. “I’m in the living room on the couch because I refused to move to the bed. Bohdi is sitting on the floor near me. Cassian is there behind him with his reassuring everything will be ok just be patient expression that he uses in the ER, but it isn’t working. I can tell he’s tired and visibly nervous so I must look like absolute shit. Baze and Churrit are here too, and Baze does not look pleased. He looks like he might kill someone. Even peaceful Churrit looks quite concerned, that can’t be good. Monique and Kay must have left like he said. I’ll focus on Bo because he isn’t looking at me like I’m all fucked up.”

Her stream of consciousness takes them by surprise and Baze, Churrit, and Cassian try to school their expressions.

Bohdi gets a word in and asks, “What else do you remember?” He wants to know if she can keep it all in order.

She starts reassembling the last few days. “That this is the third time I’ve woken up since getting home. Last time I thought I was freezing. The time before that thought I was being stung by something.”

“You woke up saying flying sewing machines were shooting at you and that those knitting needles over there were really mean.”

She laughs, just a little bit. “They were being mean. They kept attacking me.” She thinks more. “Yesterday I told everyone I had a perfect vagina.”

Bohdi looks uncomfortable and smothers a laugh.

“That was awkward,” she says while blushing a little and looking anywhere but at the people in the room. “I should not talk about how I told everyone how great Cassian was at sex and oral and everything else. I don’t know why I thought they needed to know that.”

“Moving on, what else do you remember?” asks Bohdi.

“Kanan and Sabine fixed me up. Monique helped Cassian and me a lot. I kept trying to take out my IV. I said a lot of weird stuff. The factory was yesterday too but I don’t want to talk about it. They drove me there while keeping me awake with noise and lights in that fucking windowless van.” She has not mentioned this before to any of them. It’s been a lot. “I was so tired. Then the day before that . . . the day before that . . . ” she gets quieter, and yet again doesn’t realize she’s speaking aloud, “was bad . . . because that was the day Vader caught me. Vader actually fucking caught me. He hung me up to torture me. He started torturing me. All the nightmares started to come true. Then he shattered his mask.” She can see the pieces flying across the floor all over that sound proof room in her minds eye. “The pieces were everywhere.”

“Jyn, wait,” Bohdi tries to get her attention but it isn’t working.

“I was so scared about what would happen to Bo and Cassian when they found out, and I didn’t know who they got information from and I hoped they were tricked, not beaten, but he was beaten. He beat the shit out of Lando and he would have done horrible things to Elle. Lando didn’t look ok. Will he be ok? God, what have I done? Then there was Luke. I wasn’t sure he was alive. Vader attacked him viciously. Vader fucked me up, and Luke, oh god, he beat Luke up, it was bad. I shouldn’t have brought him. I shouldn’t have let him come.”

“Jyn,” Bohdi finally gets her attention again. He’s been trying to for some time. “Your memories are in order, so that’s good, but you’re also still saying everything out loud.”

“No, no, no, fuck, no.” She has quite a lot of feelings and is worried that they will all come out. “I’m sorry.”

“What?”

“It hurts, but like different, and my patience is gone. If I can’t keep my words in I really am gonna say nasty things to everyone.”

“Feel free!” Bohdi replies, “I know I’ve been mean when you’ve taken care of me when I’m out of it, and you never take it personally. I won’t either.”

“It’s not the same. You aren’t mean to me, you always think I’m someone else. You usually say whoever you think I am took me.”

“And you still stay and help me every time. I’m here and I won’t take it personally.”

“But you don’t understand. I lied,” she says then looks distraught. “Shit, I didn’t want to say that out loud. He’s gonna hate me.”

“No I won’t.” Jyn looks distraught and growls, realizing he answered a question that she thought she asked herself internally yet again. “How about you just tell me,” suggests Bohdi. “You keep bringing it up, so you should probably just tell me what you lied about. I won’t hate you.”

“Shit. He can always tell when outright I lie.” She whispers, “About our chances.” She looks dejected. “I knew our chances of being caught weren’t as low as I said. I told Luke, but I didn’t tell you, Cassian, or Leia. I don’t know if they’ll forgive me or hate me. And Luke was there to help me if I needed to fight, not just for research.” She starts to get more agitated. “Then I heard his footsteps, Vader’s fucking footsteps. It’s been years and I still recognized them.” She pauses, and starts to break down in angry sobs and tears. “I froze. I couldn’t protect Luke. I fucking froze! By the time I got out a warning it was too late. He was there. He was in the room! He picked him up by his neck then threw him at the wall.” She shudders. She sees it in her mind’s eye and closes her actual eyes tight. “What the fuck is wrong with me? I fucking froze.”

“Jyn. Hey, come on,” Bohdi tries to calm her down. “Breathe with me.”

She looks at him, not sure what he means, but decides to try and match his rhythm.

“Focus on breathing. It helps to focus on breathing when it hurts. One breath at a time is how you get through it and how it gets a little better. Just breathe,” says Bohdi.

“Ok,” and she does. She thinks about each breath and while each one still feels terrible, she gets through them one at a time. Her inner monologue stays in because she’s completely focused on breathing. Her eyes leak a few tears of relief involuntarily as her face starts to relax.

She doesn’t notice Bohdi taking her necklace from his neck, she notices when he gently places it over her head. “You can focus on this too Stardust.”

She looks at the pendant. It isn’t fancy, but it was mama’s. She misses her. Having it back around her neck where it belongs feels like becoming herself.

Bohdi asks, “How likely were you to be caught?”

“The chances were one in five,” she replies still contemplating the pendant. “But it wasn’t how we were caught.” She pauses, but before Bohdi can ask a follow up question, with sudden growing horror she asks, “Is Luke alive?”

“He is, he’s alive. He was at the factory.” Bohdi isn’t happy that she didn’t tell him that she thought there was a decent chance she would be caught, but he isn’t furious either. He’s focused on getting her through this and helping her get better. That she feels guilty on top of being in a mountain of pain is not what he wants. “Why did you think there was a higher chance you would be caught?”

“The more I got into papa’s work, like REALLY got in it, that’s when I knew the chances were worse. In the end though, they didn’t track me down through the program I made.”

“How did they catch you if it wasn’t due to your programming?”

“Fuckface recognized that I used Saw’s fighting style. I was on surveillance or something. He was looking for you or me to force dad out of hiding. They only figured out I was the programmer as they closed in.”

“Oh, Saw’s style is that distinct?”

“I don’t think it is actually. As much as I hate him, I have to admit Vader is technically smart and extremely observant,” replies Jyn, then she looks down. She thinks more. “Where is Luke now?”

“He’s at the hospital, he’ll be ok.”

“I have to see him. I just have to.” She wants proof. She starts to get up then stops because she’s off balance and new waves of pain and dizziness arrive. “Motherfucker!”

Cassian and Baze are suddenly a lot closer. Cassian says, “Stop, you can’t go to him yet.”

“No! I have, shit,” she’s going to throw up. Moving fast makes her woozy.

Cassian is quick and gets a bowl to her in time so she doesn’t vomit on herself. Unfortunately she’s throwing up some blood along with bile.

As soon as she can speak again, she says, “No, please, I have to check. God, I’m so fucking tired.”

Bohdi asks her, “How about I go check on Luke, then I’ll come back and tell you how he is?”

Jyn stares, “I’m sorry.”

“Why?” asks Bohdi.

She tries to breathe like Saw taught her to, and like Bohdi asked her to. Her mind is all over the place. “Fuck. Everyone keeps looking at me like I’m all fucked up, except for Bohdi. I don’t mind how he’s looking at me. He even looks a little happy but he should be pissed. Why does he look happy?”

“It’s because you’re alive. I’m so happy you are alive and here. Vader sent a video to us, and I thought I might never see you alive again, and yet you’re here, I’m indescribably happy.”

“You’re not mad?”

“I’m a little mad, but I’m just so happy you made it.”

“Wait, he sent a video?”

“Let’s talk about something else.”

“What was in the video?”

He doesn’t want to say, but she’ll find out eventually so he decides to be the one to tell her. “You were hung up, and he punched you.” He doesn’t say more. He hopes she moves on so he doesn’t have to add that Vader also grabbed her chin and demanded she look at him.

Jyn’s head drops. “I didn’t want to be seen like that. Damn it.” She looks back at Bohdi. “Well, at least it’s not as bad as when I was stabbed.”

“You were closer to death that time, but it hurts more this time doesn’t it.”

“Yeah. It’s excruciating and I want to die. How did you do this and not die? I’m lucky you’re alive aren’t I?”

“Maybe. I don’t want to talk about it.” Bohdi does not want to examine those memories right now.

“Well, I’m happy you’re alive too. Indescribably happy. I wonder if they all made it. He wasn’t the only student subjected to those horrors.”

“We didn’t,” Bohdi replies. Some of the other students had committed suicide, and he thought about doing the same often at the time.

“I literally can’t not say things, I’m so sorry. This is fucking ridiculous.”

“Try focusing on breathing again. Also, I hadn’t been beaten first, so it wasn’t exactly the same. They just injected us with stuff.”

“That’s still terrible. I was beaten after, well, they tased me a lot first. They injected me later. I fucking whimpered, then they hung me up. Assholes.” She’s quiet again. After a minute she looks confused again. “You’re not lying to protect me right? Luke really is alive?”

“Yeah, he is.” He narrows his eyes at her wondering why she isn’t sure. “You are forgetting something important,” he says, sounding like he has weighty secret.

“What is it?”

“You kicked Vader in the balls.”

She laughs, and it hurts but she can’t help it. “That did happen. That might be the best thing I ever do.”

“It was cool, but no, you’ve done far better and cooler things. Luke also said you punched Vader hard when he found you two.”

“Yeah. I punched him in the kidney and kicked out the back of his knee, then the guards were on me. I bit fuckface hard when he hung me up.”

“How hard?” Asks Baze.

“Oh no. It was hard enough that you’ll want more blood.” She turns toward Bohdi, “Can you check on Luke now?”

“Yeah, I’ll go check on him, but I have a question first.”

“It isn’t as if I won’t answer, so ask away.”

“Why do you keep saying I’m sorry?”

“Because it’s my fault.”

“What is?”

“That Luke got hurt, Lando and Elle too.”

“Bullshit,” says Bohdi.

“What?” Asks Jyn, eyes going a little wider.

“Who hit Luke?”

“But Bo,”

“Who hit him and threw him?”

“Fuckface did, but it’s - ”

“Who laid hands on Lando?”

“Bo - ”

“ - no, who laid hands on Lando? Who threatened Elle?”

“Fuckface and his guards. But they wouldn’t have gone after them if I - ”

“ - No. Don’t be ridiculous.” He cuts her off. “You’re not taking the blame for his actions.”

She searches his eyes. His forceful proclamation of this different perspective catches her off guard. She eventually says, “But it feels like it’s my fault.” She looks away, then asks, “Do you think Cassian, Lando, Leia, and Elle will forgive me? Will Luke forgive me?”

Bohdi notes that she goes in and out of remembering who is in the room with them. She’s talking to him like he’s the only one here. The pain is crowding out her ability to scan her surroundings. Cassian is here, and she’s asking questions about him in front of him. She remembers a lot and has it in order but she isn’t thinking the way she usually does. He also can’t answer for them. He suspects that they blame Jyn for very little of it if at all. He decides to look at it from a different angle. “Do you blame Lando?”

“No.”

“Do you blame papa?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because they would have hurt us, well, more than they did. He had to, they both had to.”

Bohdi lets the words sink in before he says, “Yeah, and the point is you don’t get to take the blame for the monstrous stuff they did. You never would do that to anyone, let alone friends.”

“Oh,” she says quietly to herself. “I hadn’t looked at it like that. It’s still hard not to blame myself.”

“We can work on that together. I blame myself for stuff I probably shouldn’t too.” Bohdi continues, “You and I are good. I love you Stardust.”

“I still feel terrible and guilty. Luke really is alive?”

“It’s true. I’ll go visit him, ok? I’ll send Cassian a picture of him so you can see for yourself.”

“Yeah, ok.” She pauses, she has a harder question. “Do you, umm, do you think he and Lando will recover?” There is trepidation in her voice when she asks.

Bohdi’s mood falters. He isn’t sure if they will completely recover, and now he knows that if they don’t she’ll forever blame herself. He’s not sure she will fully recover either. Her injuries are extensive. “I don’t know, but I haven’t seen them yet. I’ll find out.” He pauses before he asks, “Do you remember all of it?” He doesn’t need to add that he means everything that happened in the last few days.

“Yeah,” she replies in the quietest voice.

“I’m sorry.” That breaks his heart.

She doesn’t want to talk about it more for now. She says, “Let’s change the subject. You guys all have to leave soon right? Can’t change schedules yet?”

“Not quite,” says Churrit. “Officially my love and I are on vacation. We were away when Kay called. He kept it vague, but we came back.”

“Did I ruin your vacation?” Asks Jyn.

“Grumpy!” Baze startles them all. “What did Bohdi just say? No you did not ruin our vacation.” Jyn smiles. When Baze calls her grumpy, somehow it always makes her happy, even when he’s lecturing her like now. “You didn’t do this to yourself.” He indicates her injuries. “I think I can figure out how to counteract the drug.”

“Really?” Asks Jyn. She honestly didn’t think it was possible.

“Hey, I’m not just a doctor, I’m a doctor in the ER. Figuring out what people injected or ingested is a large part of what I do,” says Baze. He adds, “I will work with Monique.”

Jyn hadn’t thought much about it. “Thanks.” She thinks more then says, “I need to pee real bad.”

“I’m coming with you,” says Cassian. She’s unsteady.

“I can do it! I don’t like peeing in front of you.”

“I’m not chancing you falling in there. Nurses orders.”

“And doctor’s orders,” adds Baze.

Bohdi says, “And that’s my cue, I’ll go see Luke. I love you Stardust.” He heads out.

“Love you too Sunbeam,” she says as Bohdi quietly closes the door on the way out. Jyn asks Baze and Cassian, “How about I just don’t lock the door?” She starts to get up. “I really don’t want him watching me pee.”

“No, I’ll go with you,” Cassian replies sounding as patient as ever and not like she’s pushing back on a reasonable requirement from a medical professional. He’s also close but not helping yet because he and Baze want to see what she can do on her own.

“Do you have to convince patients to take you with them to the loo at the hospital too?”

Truth be told, none of those coming through the ER had some kind of torture drug in their veins as far as he knew, and it’s rare that they’ve been beaten up quite like this. He’s seen much worse injuries, but this still feels different because Vader had started to systematically torture her. He replies, “Constantly. I spend loads of time in the bathroom and the rest of the time convincing patients to please tell me,” and now he switches into a game show host voice, “What’s in your butt?”

Baze laughs, he can’t help it.

Jyn gets half way up then starts to fall back, and now Cassian catches her. She snorts and smothers a laugh because laughing is uncomfortable while she also winces because everything hurts. “I can’t believe you have to do that at all, let alone often. Why are people putting things in their butt?”

“Because it can feel quite good. There is a lot of insisting that they just fell on it. It’s better to not stick something random in there that they can’t get back out,” says Cassian matter of factly, “and then they’re sent home with information about prep and safety.”

“Oh.” Now she pauses before she concedes and acknowledges the inevitable. “I can’t do this. You’re right, you have to come with me.” She’s much less steady than she realized. Her legs are in good shape, but she’s dizzy. “Why do my feet fucking hurt so much!”

“I’m sorry querida.” Cassian kisses her forehead on the side that isn’t too bruised and briefly cards her hair. “Jyn?”

“Hmm?”

“I may look nervous, but I’m also indescribably happy that you’re back. I missed you constantly. I’m not mad and you don’t need me to forgive you. I love you Jyn.”

She lets out a long breath. She feels some relief and like some weight has been taken off her shoulders. “I kept forgetting you were here. You heard all of that?”

“Yeah.” Cassian helps her back up. The other reason he wanted to help her in the bathroom was to see if she was peeing blood. He’s observant and they’ve lived together long enough for him to know her period would have ended a week ago, which means the blood he sees in the toilet came out with her urine. That’s not great, but at least it’s not a lot. He signals to Baze from behind her to confirm yes, there is blood, and a little not a lot. They’ll add this to the notes he and Monique started making last night.

Cassian is also concerned that Jyn isn’t telling herself “I’m ok, it’s ok” like she has in the past when injured. Her mantra hasn’t appeared. “It’ll be ok eventually, for now just focus on the next step.”

“Fuck off, it won’t. Fuck, sorry. I know somewhere in the part of my brain that isn’t screaming that you’re right. You and Bo are right. I’m still gonna be a massive bitch for awhile.”

Baze speaks up, “Be as bitchy as you want. None of us will take it personally.”

“Fine. But it’s bad.”

“We know,” says Churrit, his voice filled with empathy and sympathy. “Now, I need to make sure I understand something. When Vader takes out Palpatine you can go to the hospital?”

“Yeah,” says Jyn. “Well, except this is America and I don’t have health insurance.”

“You still need to go. Now I have a plan to get you insured, and I brought some paperwork for that. You and Cassian will get married as soon as Palpatine’s dead then you’ll get on his insurance immediately and be admitted to the hospital.”

“What?!” Jyn, Baze, and Cassian say all at the same time.

“Look,” Churrit explains, “you two are meant for each other. You’re going to get married or be common law partners eventually, that much I can tell. Getting married now is just doing the inevitable early. It’s also the quickest way to get you insured. You’re both already citizens so there won’t be any delays.”

Jyn is tired, and her inner monologue is still escaping. “I mean, Cassian is amazing. Being married to him sounds lovely. And hopefully I get better at some point so I can love him with actions all the time so he knows how awesome he is.” She starts falling asleep again.

He quietly replies, “As if you aren’t already doing that.”

“Everything is still out loud?” She asks.

“Yeah,” replies Cassian as he carefully combs her hair away from her face. He feels bad she can’t keep anything in, it’s as if she has no privacy in her own mind, but it has been enlightening.

“Hmmm, so is that a yes?”

Cassian remembers where they were in the conversation, and that she’s asking if he’ll marry her as soon as Palpatine is dead, “It is.” In truth, it is and it isn’t. It feels too soon and he isn’t prepared, but it’s also too practical of a solution to say no to.

“Ok cool.” Her eyes close and she quietly adds, “And these spiders, they don’t need to come to a wedding do they? You three should come though. Maybe the manatee should come too . . . . and I want to be Jyn again.”

. . .

When Bohdi arrives at Luke’s room in the hospital, he sees him asleep with Leia nearby.

“He got out of surgery a little while ago,” says an exhausted and drained Leia. “They were working on his hand. His internal bleeding is under control now but they’re still watching him closely.”

Bohdi just stares, then starts to tear up. Luke looks awful. It’s no wonder Jyn wasn’t sure he was alive. He finally comes in from the doorway to sit next to Leia. He puts his arm around her and she turns to him. They hug in silence for awhile.

Bohdi finally asks, “Will his hand work again?”

“I don’t know. The surgeon says time will tell.”

“I’m sorry. How is the rest of him doing?”

Leia sighs, “I mean, they say he’ll recover but it will take some time. I’m not so sure. From what he’s said, it was a horrible brutal attack. How is - ” and she remembers not to say her name, not even her fake one, “Spiderwoman?” They’ve all heard Cassian call her Spiderwoman at one time or other.

“Not great, but she isn’t delirious anymore. I stayed by her side because of the - ” and he makes an slight injection motion. “She keeps asking if Luke is alive.”

Leia looks perplexed. “She was there yesterday. Why doesn’t she know?”

“I’m sorry,” says Luke quietly before Bohdi can reply to Leia. Luke’s voice is raspy and small. He’s trying to get his eyes to open. He feels terrible and terribly guilty. He wants to apologize, to beg for forgiveness from Bohdi, but part of him doesn’t want Bohdi to forgive him. He failed him and Jyn and doesn’t feel he deserves forgiveness. “I’m sorry, I didn’t protect her.”

Bohdi thinks he should have realized this is the conversation he would have with Luke. It’s already mirroring his conversation with Jyn. Bohdi carefully takes Luke’s unbroken hand in his and with the other he carefully cards Luke’s hair to the side. “Did you hang her up?”

Bohdi’s touch feels so perfect. How can Bohdi be so kind when he failed to protect Jyn? “No - but it isn’t like that. He caught her.”

“Did you help him find her or catch her?”

“Bo - ”

“Stop,” says Bohdi gently. “I had a similar conversation recently with her, and she is devastated that she couldn’t protect you. She’s full of guilt and wanted to come beg for forgiveness from you.”

“But,” Luke’s eyes track back and forth, “she doesn’t need to . . . really?”

“Yeah. And neither do you. She feels incredibly guilty about what happened to you, Lando, and Elle. I said she’s not allowed to take the blame for what they did to you all. Also, they didn’t find you from the programming.”

“They didn’t?” Asks Leia.

“No,” replies Bohdi.

“But then how?” Asks Leia.

“Her fighting style is on surveillance,” says Bohdi quietly. He looks at Luke again. “I missed you constantly and I’m so glad you’re back. I love you.” Bohdi tears up, his anxiety starts to rise in earnest.

Luke has felt so guilty about not being able to stop Vader from getting his hands on Jyn, it’s taken up most of his waking thoughts after he got to the hospital. Bohdi’s strong rebuttal and beautiful declaration catch him off guard, and seeing his mood falter and his anxiety rising visibly brings him back. He wants to find a way to comfort him. “Bo . . . I love you too.” He pulls him closer.

Leia rubs Bohdi’s back briefly then walks out saying, “I’ll be back later.” She has decided to give them privacy, and she also needs a break.

The exhaustion is only just hitting Bohdi. Luke pulls him closer. Bohdi kisses his forehead, then moves so their foreheads touch.

“I’m so sorry for what happened to you but I’m happy that your back,” says Bohdi, as a few tears fall from his eyes onto Luke.

“I missed you Bo,” replies Luke. Relief at being back together lets him relax. “I thought you’d never forgive me.”

“You and her are absolutely ridiculous.” He won’t say her name. “You knew the risks and don’t need my forgiveness because I don’t blame you. Got it?”

“Yeah,” Luke has a wry smile. “I was also afraid you were angry when you didn’t come.” He pulls Bohdi closer so Bohdi’s head is by his shoulder. His hand that is not wrecked and bandaged trails up and down Bohdi’s back.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you would think that. What they used to use on me, was used on her.” He doesn’t add more. There are so many words and thoughts that go with that statement, too many.

Luke closes his eyes and winces, “I didn’t realize that. That’s awful. Is, is she, ummm - ”

“She remembers everything. Do you?” Asks Bohdi, anxiety and worry in his voice.

“Yeah.” They don’t say more because Bohdi falls asleep moments later. He is sitting in a chair with his head on the bed by Luke’s shoulder. Luke feels deep melancholy at what has happened while also finding comfort in having Bohdi close to him again.

~ The next day, 6:32 AM ~

“What the fuck?!” Jyn says in a loud voice when she answers a video call very early the next morning. She recognizes the number.

Monique is staying with her, Cassian is at work. Baze and Churrit went home to get some sleep. Jyn’s been walking up distraught every couple of hours and needs someone to stay with her at all times.

Monique is alarmed at Jyn’s reaction.

“I wanted to show you I did what I promised,” replies a familiar deep voice.

“You can’t show severed heads on video calls!” Vader just greeted her with Palpatine’s severed head.

Monique looks over her shoulder at the screen, and there is indeed a severed head.

“Even his?” Vader puts the head down. “I mean, I was calling you, not just anyone.”

“I will not endorse greeting people with severed heads.”

He stares hard before conceding, “Fine. Wait, are you not alone?”

“Of course I’m not alone, you beat the shit out of me and drugged me. I can’t be left fucking alone you asshole.”

Vader stares into the phone, then says, “Sorry.” After a moment he continues. “I’m about to use your program in the main console, I thought you should witness it.”

“Ok, lemme see.”

He connects his laptop to Palpatine’s main computer console and sets up his phone so Jyn can see the screen. The programs appear on it. She watches as he sets them in motion. Two have to be started and running for it to begin working, then they call one after the other until they’ve all run.

It’s not the most interesting thing to see on a computer screen. There isn’t much action for anyone to see other than as each program runs, little messages pop up in the terminal window as commands are completed. These confirm when parts of the software have now been accessed. It’s still the most beautiful thing Jyn’s ever made and she finds watching it moving.

The last two programs run in the heart of the bug her father left behind. The beautiful trap that he hid away in all the other code they forced him to write, the trap he left for them, is sprung.

This time, since it’s from Palpatine’s console, it’s not just affecting part of the system. The whole company is exposed. It’s secrets are sent to news organizations, government organizations, and other organizations and companies. It’s everywhere and the system’s protections go down and stay down.

She doesn’t realize she has a few tears of joy escaping her eyes until Vader looks back into his phone and says, “I’m turning myself in at a press conference in about fifteen minutes. Goodbye, and thank you.”

She doesn’t notice Monique quickly taking the phone and saying wait then asking questions about the drug Jyn and Lando were given.

Jyn wipes her face furiously.

Monique hands her the phone a little later. She texts Bohdi.

Kestral: Watch the news

She puts down the phone. Monique is writing down notes when Jyn turns on the TV, changing the channels once in awhile. They see it happen live seventeen minutes later.

“Well, I guess that’s . . . ” says Monique, turning to where Jyn was standing. She isn’t there now and the door is open.

She heads outside to find her. It’s raining hard.

Jyn and Bohdi are outside on their knees crying in a desperate hug.

It’s finally over. They’re free!