Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Oh, I say - Emmet,” called Elizabeth, from where she was peeking behind the curtain, “Emmet!”

“Oh, sister,” sighed Emmet, “I was trying out a bit of Bach. You know I get rusty if I don’t mix it up a little!”

“Oh, never mind that,” Elizabeth gestured, “Look!”

Emmet stood beside his sister at the window. “Now, would you look at that!”

“I know,” chirped Elizabeth, “I’m sure it couldn’t have come cheap.”

“Knowing Hyacinth,” Emmet smiled, “I’m sure that’s precisely the look they’re going for.”

“But how odd!” declared Elizabeth, turning to her brother before glancing back out the window, “Why on Earth would they buy an old 1920’s car?”

The front door opened, and out stepped Richard, holding the door open.

“Why - “ Elizabeth cried, “ - he’s fully decked out!”

“Is that a three-piece suit?” chuckled Emmet, “And a derby hat?”

“I do say he looks the part,” said Elizabeth, “Is it some kind of a festival on today?”

“Knowing Hyacinth,” said Emmet, “Every day is a production.”

Hyacinth stepped out from the front door onto the driveway, smiling radiantly. Elizabeth and Emmet ducked down, and stared at each other with twitching smiles.

“Well, she’s gone all out,” Emmet bit his lip and he laughed.

Elizabeth, covering her mouth with her hand, slightly opened her fingers.

“The pearls. The feathers! It certainly must be hot in all that fur.”

Emmet and Elizabeth peeked over the windowsill. Richard was closing the front passenger door of the car, and got into the driver’s seat, a bit of stalling, and then driving off.

Elizabeth, in being first to stand up, roused her brother to similar occupation.

“Where on Earth do you think they are going?” Elizabeth turned to Emmett.

“Who knows,” Emmet watched the car go down the road, “Far away from here, I hope.”

Elizabeth moved to the coffee table. “That reminds me… “

“Hmm?”

“The way they were dressed. The car they drove.”

Elizabeth picked up a copy of the TV Guide. She flicked through it while Emmet came round to her side.

“Look,” pointed Elizabeth, “Now, if I didn’t know any better - knowing Hyacinth - she would be trying to audition!”

“Oh, Elizabeth,” chuckled Emmet, “I can’t see her playing any serious part. Besides, they’re only re-runs.”

Elizabeth sniffed, and picked up the remote and sat on the sofa. “I suppose.”

Emmet sat at his piano, fingers poised, and glanced over.

“Besides. I’m not sure Hyacinth even owns a television set. And if she does - I’m quite sure Richard has no time of his to watch anything like that !”

Chapter Text

“Oh, do be careful, Richard,” Hyacinth buckled in her seat, “I do so want to appear fresh and radiant for the tour.”

“It’s this old car, Hyacinth,” grumbled Richard, “We didn’t need to dress up in these costumes!”

“Hmm?” Hyacinth glanced round, “Oh, don’t be silly, dear. Everyone on the tour will be dressed their best. We don’t want the Earl and Lady Carnarvon to think we’re just part of the group.”

Richard burst, “We are part of the group!”

“Keep your eyes on the road, dear. Richard, don’t you see? This is our real chance to tour the grounds for a sighting of the Earl and Lady Carnarvon. I will not let this chance go by to invite the Earl and Lady Carnarvon to one of my candlelight suppers.”

Richard drove round a corner, and up the lane.

“Hyacinth, I’m sure they’re not there - or at least in another wing,” Richard chuckled, “They’ve hosted enough of these tours to know to keep out of sight of the general public.”

Hyacinth, balancing her purse on her lap and glancing out the window, rustled up a general side-eye to Richard and primped her hair.

“ Now ,” began Hyacinth, her gloved hand a directive that made Richard’s hands on the wheel skitter, “ When we arrive, I want you to take the guide aside and ask him for a private viewing.”

Richard, gesturing, gobsmacked, began: “Hyacinth - “

Hyacinth hurried to assure Richard with a screwed up face and raised shaking hand.

“Now, I know, dear. He won’t want to. But I’m sure if you tell him it’d be a favor to the Earl and Lady Carnarvon to be invited to one of our candlelight suppers, I’m sure he can have the rest of the group back in their cars by the end and provide us an hour or two around the gal-le-ry.”

Richard, blustering, came to a stop.

“Oh, are we here already?” Hyacinth looked out the window, “Richard, we can’t stop here.”

Richard unbuckled her seat. “Hyacinth, this is where guests park.”

Hyacinth sat rather stiffly in her seat as Richard got out of the car and walked round the car. Richard held the door open and Hyacinth got out.

“This is rather dis-mal ,” Hyacinth shielded her eyes with her hand, “I suppose the tour guide’s up ahead.”

Hyacinth and Richard walked past some of the other cars parked. Hyacinth with pained expressions looked at some of the cars and tutted.

“Nobody was here to see our en-trance,” said Hyacinth, as they rounded the corner through the gate, and saw a dozen people clustered around the guide, “At least we travelled in style. Daddy would’ve liked coming with us.”

Richard volunteered: “I’m glad your father didn’t come with us. He ran right up the stairs when I suggested it to him.”

“Daddy is a good soul,” Hyacinth beamed and waved at the tour guide, “Oh, look!”

Hyacinth and Richard stood at the beginning of the path which led up to Highclere Castle.

“Well,” said Hyacinth, smiling, “The walk alone will do our nerves good - and it’s good for exercise!”

Richard walked forward, but Hyacinth pulled him back.

“Hyacinth, what are you doing?”

The tour guide waved them over. Hyacinth shook her head and gestured, and the guide with his group went up the path. Richard was bursting.

“Hyacinth - “

Hyacinth continued smiling and waving. “In a minute, dear - “

The guide and his group had by now made a steady path towards the house. Hyacinth led Richard out of the gate, and into the little copse of trees nearby.

Richard’s hands shook. “Hyacinth, what are you doing?”

“Oh, sometimes I do wonder at you, Richard,” Hyacinth tutted, “I’m planning to make an entrance for the Earl and Lady Carnarvon.”

Richard spluttered, “But they’re not there!”

“You don’t know that, Richard. And on the chance they’re looking down from their windows, they’ll see the tour group, and then they’ll see us - “

Hyacinth did a little twirl but fell over.

“Hyacinth?” Richard shook her, and Hyacinth rubbed her face and blinked.

“Oh, where was I dear? I think I - I’m quite fine, dear.”

Hyacinth stood up.

“ - don’t you see, Richard?” Hyacinth gestured with her gloved hands, and smiled, “They’ll mark us out from the rest of the group! They’ll be curious about us, Richard!”

“Yes - yes, they will,” nodded Richard, “They’ll think we’re late - and they’ll wonder why we’re dressed up like this at all!”

“Oh hush, dear. I will not have the Earl and Lady Carnarvon think we’re just tourists. Now breathe with me.”

“Huh?”

Hyacinth closed her eyes and took a deep breath, and opened one eye. “Richard.”

Richard closed his eyes, took a deep breath. Both of them had their eyes closed, their intake of breath, Richard was cocking his head from side to side, then Hyacinth exhaled and Richard let his breath out, too.

“I can feel it, Richard,” Hyacinth swelled, “This moment is ours. The winds have changed .”

Chapter Text

Richard, still standing with Hyacinth, swung his hands by his sides.

“If that’s your idea of a warm-up, I’d say we’re going to have to sprint to catch up to the tour when we get there - “

“Hmm?” Hyacinth glanced round, adjusting her pearls, “Well, never mind that, dear. We might just take a bit of a sedate pace - you know at our age we can’t very well run - and it’ll mark us out from the others.”

Hyacinth, adjusting her clothes, looked down at Richard. “ Do try to look upper-class, dear. I will not have the Earl and Lady Carnarvon think we’re anything but upper-class.”

Hyacinth took the lead out of the little copse of trees, and Richard followed. They came out into the parking area near where the gate was, and Richard blanched.

“Hyacinth! It’s been stolen!”

“Hmm?” Hyacinth glanced round. “Oh, I suspect the Earl and Lady Carnarvon have simply ta-ken our car.”

Richard stared, “Taken it?”

“Yes, dear,” Hyacinth nodded and smiled, “I suspect the Earl and Lady Carnarvon saw, or rather heard - I do suspect the Earl and Lady Carnarvon are quite knowledgable about goings-on around their estate - about how our car stood out, and so sent the help to park our car in what I’m sure is a very respectable garage with appropriate facilities.”

Richard stared. Hyacinth pursed her lips.

“Really, Richard - I will not have you accusing the Earl and Lady Carnarvon of stealing our car while they have a very respectable garage with appropriate facilities.”

Hyacinth paused, and then glanced around. “But I do say - it was rather accommodating of the Earl and Lady Carnarvon to - to take all the cars… “

Richard noticed, too. His receding bluster of alarm gave way to astonishment.

“Hmm,” Hyacinth fixed her handbag on her arm, “Well, there’s nothing else for it! When we meet the Earl and Lady of Carnarvon, we shall just have to take pride in that our lovely car is noticeably better than the other cars they had parked in their very respectable garage with appropriate facilities.”

Hyacinth and Richard, still looking around a bit as they walked, continued towards the gate.

“Hyacinth,” paused Richard, “Look at the gate!”

“Hmm?” Hyacinth glanced at Richard, in the first instance, “Rich-ard, I’m sure it’s very com-mon to look at gates.”

Hyacinth glanced up, bolstered by Richard’s curiosity, and scratched her neck with a keenly pensive and screwed up look on her face.

“It’s different,” Richard gestured, “Everything’s different!”

Hyacinth glanced slowly around as Richard followed her movement.

“You don’t say… “

Hyacinth came to a stop. “What do you suppose it is, Richard? There’s just something I can’t put my finger on. I will not have things I can’t put my finger on.”

Richard strained, “You’re pressing my buttons!”

“Hmm? Oh, that’s nice, dear,” Hyacinth sniffed and hitched her handbag up her arm, “We mustn’t be late for the Earl and Lady Carnarvon - I’m sure they have more important things to do than stand at their windows and watch tourists come up their path.”

There was a bark and a dog rounded the corner, bolting past their legs.

“Oh!”

Richard had fallen in the bush. “Hyacinth - “ 

Hyacinth glanced after the dog who went into the copse of trees.

“Oh,” Richard grumbled, getting up and patting leaves off his pants. “What are you looking at?”

Hyacinth tried to rouse him with a smile. “This is exactly the entree we can use to get into high society?”

“What?”

Hyacinth pointed into the forest, “The dog, dear. Clearly it’s run away - not that dogs owned by prominent families want to run away - oh, but don’t you see, Rich-ard? If we return the dog, the Earl and Lady Carnarvon will be in our debt!”

Hyacinth adopted an almost crouching position as she walked, holding out the hand on which her handbag dangled. The dog burst from the trees and Hyacinth jumped.

“Oh, you are a - friendly dog,” Hyacinth scrunched up her face and held the dog’s collar, petting it, “There you are… “

Hyacinth frowned as she brushed fur off her sleeves. Richard came near.

“How we do we even know it’s their dog?”

“Rich-ard,” Hyacinth frowned, “You can always tell with breeding. I wonder if - if you have a name… of course I can hardly imagine the Earl and Lady Carnavon not giving a name to their dog. A dog couldn’t sit prouder knowing their owner was the Earl and Lady Carnarvon .”

Hyacinth pulled on the dog’s collar and twisted round the nametag.

“Would you look at that, very distinguished… “ Hyacinth smiled as she showed him, “You see, Richard? The dog must belong to the Earl and Lady Carnarvon. Only they would name their dog after a Egyptian god-dess.”

Chapter Text

“Well,” said Hyacinth, rising from the ground and dusting her hands, “We must get the dog back to the Earl and Lady Carnarvon. And just think, Richard!”

Richard shook his head, tugging the dog along by his collar and trailing behind Hyacinth.

“That explains our absence,” Hyacinth nodded wisely, as they walked through the gates and began their walk along the long path. “Just think, Richard! If I had not held us back, we would have missed our chance to be part of the upper-classes.”

The dog, more eager upon seeing home, followed without tussle. Richard sighed.

“Whatever you say, Hyacinth.”

Their progress up the path allowed Hyacinth time to smile and admire the view; Richard, to brush fur from his pants and collect his breath.

“Well, I say ,” beamed Hyacinth, as they came upon the estate, “I’ll have a very good time touring this - “

The front door opened, and Hyacinth beamed and waved, Richard stood still, the dog leapt, and a man in livery answered the door.

“Hello!” cried Hyacinth, bounding forward. “ I am Hyacinth Búcké.”

“Madam,” spoke the deep sounding man, “I am Carson, the butler here at - “

“Oh, but of course,” Hyacinth lay a hand to her heaving breast, “And this is my husband Rich-ard , and this, I believe, belongs to the Earl and Lady Carnarvon!”

The dog, already winding its way past Carson’s legs and into the mansion, wasn’t the only one possessed of the curiosity, as Hyacinth absent-mindedly glanced through the gap and smiled at Carson’s expression.

“May I ask what you are doing here?”

“ Well ,” Hyacinth dithered, “Un-officially, we’re here for the tour - but you see, I’m sure the Earl and Lady Carnarvon will be pleased to have their dog back!”

“They will,” said Carson stiffly, “If any such names lived under this roof. This , madam, is Downton Abbey!”

“Hmm?” Hyacinth frowned, and Richard stepped forward, but Hyacinth shook him off, “Oh, Richard dear, not now - “

A voice from inside the estate, “Isis!”

Hyacinth beamed with good fortune and anticipation, clutching her hands. Richard pulled at his collar, his eyes darting, his teeth grinding together.

A man appeared beside Carson; his face wore a look of rapture, and he ruffled the dog’s fur.

“You found her!”

“Oh,” Hyacinth laughed, “It was just a happy accident, I’m sure… “

Hyacinth glanced to her husband who wore an odd expression which she frowned at. She turned, beaming, to the man.

Hyacinth stepped forward with her hand outstretched, “You must be the Earl - “

“ Lord Grantham,” Carson spoke up, “May I introduce Mr and Mrs Búcké.”

Lord Grantham shook Hyacinth’s hand, and Richard who began scratching his neck. Hyacinth beamed, spun slightly as she stood in place, glancing up at the estate.

“I didn’t know the Earl and Lady Carnarvon were having guests ,” Hyacinth smiled, “Do you know where they are, by any chance?”

Against Hyacinth’s inquisitiveness, Lord Grantham glanced to Carson who coughed and Lord Grantham addressed both of the Búckés.

“There must be some mistake,” said Lord Grantham, a bit of rigidity in his tone, “I am the Earl of Grantham, and my wife is Lady Grantham.”

Hyacinth, at being ousted from her certainty, had few words to support her; Richard, from behind, muttered into Hyacinth’s ear: “Hyacinth, we have to go… “

Lord Grantham, eyeing the two of them, hearing nothing, stepped forward.

“But you must stay for dinner, I insist,” Lord Grantham smiled, “You found Isis before I could send out a search party. I owe you my thanks.”

Hyacinth beamed, Richard glanced around, and Lord Grantham spoke some words to Carson. Carson gave them a stern look.

“I’m afraid there’s been a mix up,” Hyacinth laughed, “I did give my husband directions, but you know how men are. I suppose it is another estate I am thinking of that hosts the Carnarvons.”

Hyacinth, her disappointment eclipsed by her curiosity at this family of peerage being unknown to her, excited her fervency and made greater her need to gain their favor.

“You must stay the night,” Lord Grantham nodded, “It is surely a long way from - where did you say you were staying?”

Hyacinth outstretched an arm that held Richard back from speaking. “Oh, we’d love to, my lord!”

Lord Grantham smiled and spoke some words to Carson and went inside. Carson eyed the Búckés.

“Where are your belongings?”

“Hmm?” Hyacinth glanced around, “Oh! I do believe we, er, mislaid them. Yes. I believe we carried them into the forest and mislaid them during our search for Isis. Hmm. That must be it.”

“I shall show you to one of our guest rooms,” boomed Carson, “This way… “

At the door opening further and held open by Carson, Hyacinth could scarcely conceal her excitement. She turned in a hurried whisper to Richard.

“This must be a production!”

Richard, slowly shuffling along, hissed, “What?”

Hyacinth nodded, “A production, dear. Clearly , the Carnarvons have hired these people as a sort of test. They mean to see how we fare among their sort. Yes. That must be it.”

“But Hyacinth - “ argued Richard, aware of how Carson was eyeing them, huddling in the forecourt, “They’re dressed like they’re in the twenties!”

Hyacinth screwed up her face, with difficulty and hand motions trying to envisage all that she was feeling into a clear sentence.

“Now Richard, dear. Clearly it makes for a little challenge. Of course, I brushed up on my history while purchasing my lovely costume. Now we must play along, dear. We must act as though we, too, are in the twenties and of a respectable bloodline.”

Hyacinth marched forward, and Carson stepped back as he held the door open. Richard, seeing all that was joy in his wife’s face, could not reduce it.

“Where are the others?” Richard hissed, as Carson led them into the foyer. “This all seems very strange - “

“Clearly, dear, they’re being tested as well,” Hyacinth adjusted her posture, raised her chin, nodded to an implacable footman, “ They’re probably down-stairs, with the help.”

Chapter Text

Hyacinth, chin raised and regal posture, followed Carson up the stairs, and Richard was an after thought trailing behind. They were led along the gallery and then to a room well furnished with light pouring in.

“If you need anything, please ring the bell,” Carson gestured, “I will ring the dinner gong when it is time.”

Carson closed the door behind him, and Hyacinth spun on the spot, while Richard sat down.

“Rich-ard,” Hyacinth dragged him to his feet, and eyed the ceiling, “They probably have security cameras watching us.”

Richard screwed up his face. “Hyacinth! Clearly they don’t care about us this much!”

“No, you’re right dear,” Hyacinth patted her hair, “We may very well not see the Carnarvons until we pass this little test, dear. Clearly , they’ve hired a stand-in for the Earl - I’ve never heard of Lord Grantham, or Downton Abbey.”

Richard shook his head as he walked over to the window. “I don’t believe it. I don’t believe it, Hyacinth!”

“I told you we’d have our lucky day today,” Hyacinth plumped the pillows, and fussed down her dress, “Of course, I didn’t bring anything to change into for dinner.”

“Why can’t we just wear this?”

Hyacinth’s eyes widened as she strode over, “That’s what they want us to do, Richard. Naturally, if we were completely prepared we’d pass with flying colours. We must combine our smarts to win the test.”

“Hyacinth - “

“Yes, I’m thinking, dear.”

Richard raised his hands in the air and slumped them as quickly. Hyacinth rocked back and forth as she sat on the bed.

“Yes - yes,” Hyacinth nodded, “I’ve got it. You stay here, dear, and keep watch.”

“Watch for what?”

“Hmm?” Hyacinth glanced back, “Oh, yes - “

Hyacinth bade he follow, and Richard did as asked. The two of them, Hyacinth glancing both sides, and Richard peeked out the door.

“Move!”

Hyacinth rustled as she ran across the balcony, glancing this way and that. Richard, struggling to keep up, almost crashed into her at a junction.

“Keep steady,” Hyacinth sniffed, “I’m sure Lord Grantham’s bedroom is nearby.”

Richard spluttered, “Lord Grantham’s bedroom - “

Hyacinth shushed him with a look and indicated he go with a gesture. Richard, standing in the corner, glanced to Hyacinth.

Richard mouthed: “What now?”

Hyacinth pointed-tapped on the door opposite her, and when she glanced both ways and went inside, Richard was overwhelmed and slumped but for the ability to remain erect in time.

Hyacinth closed the door behind her and glanced around this well furnished bedroom. She smoothed the covers of the bed and walked the length of the room and came upon a door. She opened it and rifled through the closet, holding a hangar against herself. She heard a noise and bolted; she hid in the closet and closed the door behind her.

She heard footsteps come in, rustling, footsteps leave and the door close once more.

Hyacinth opened the closet door slowly, still clutching the hangers of dresses, and saw an outfit laid on the bed. She tiptoed across the room, opened the door and exited out onto the gallery.

Richard, smiling and nodding to a maid who passed, glanced to Hyacinth. He did exaggerated gestures as did she, and Hyacinth glanced both ways to run back down the gallery to her room. She closed the door and lay the hanger over her bed.

The door opened, Richard fuming and spluttering entered, and he closed the door behind him.

“You didn’t give me a signal,” Richard’s voice shook, “What if you had been caught!”

“ Look at this, dear,” Hyacinth smiled, holding the hangar against herself, “ Just lovely!”

“Hyacinth, I doubt very much the Carnarvons will want to come to your candlelight suppers after you’ve proved you’ll steal from their closet.”

“Hmm?” Hyacinth’s eyes bulged, “Don’t say that, Richard. I’m upset you’d accuse me of stealing from the Earl and Lady Carnarvon with their very respectable garage with appropriate facilities. This is only a test !”

“Well, I’m glad someone’s passed,” Richard swung his arms back and forth, “I’m about due for a nap.”

Hyacinth said nothing until Richard began to lie on the bed. “Wait!”

Hyacinth turned and glanced down at Richard. “You’re not going to wear that , are you?”

“Hyacinth, if you haven’t noticed, I don’t have another - “

Hyacinth took Richard’s hand and pulled him up. “You can never say we don’t do anything together, Richard.”

Hyacinth led him to the door and Richard gulped. Hyacinth held up her hands. “Now Richard, you’re going to have to follow my advice… “

Richard sighed, shrugged and slumped, nodding and agreeing.

Chapter Text

“Richard, do wake up, dear,” Hyacinth shook Richard awake, “That’s the gong, dear.”

Hyacinth, checking her last touches in the mirror, smoothed down her dress. Richard began to slowly dress, until he caught his wife’s expression.

“You know, I must say,” said Hyacinth, “It doesn’t surprise me that the Lady Carnarvon and I share the same dress size. It’s to do with bloodlines.”

Richard, tugging this way and that, found an amenable fit in the clothes he had changed into.

“This is only the beginning, Rich-ard,” said Hyacinth, adjusting for Richard his final touches, “We must ensure they cannot doubt us being upper-class.”

“What do we even say?” Richard burst, “Hyacinth, you have to tell me what to say .”

Hyacinth frowned, “I can’t do all your thinking for you, dear. Part of the magic is im-prov. If we show a bit of character, a bit of color - the Earl and Lady Carnarvon are sure to invite us to supper some time, and I’ll have to repay the favour by inviting them to one of my candlelight suppers.”

Hyacinth led the way onto the gallery, chin raised and regal posture. Richard, by the force of his wife’s look, pasted on a bright smile that made a passing maid frown.

They went down the staircase and into the foyer where from an ajar door, they could see the dining room being laid the finishing touches to. Hyacinth directed her gaze - 

“Madam,” interrupted Carson, and Hyacinth jumped, “Lord and Lady Grantham are in the drawing room.”

“Oh, thank you,” Hyacinth laughed, “We were just - “

Carson raised his eyebrows, and Hyacinth ushered her husband along.

Richard could not hold back: “I thought you said we had to fit in, dear?”

Hyacinth chewed on a reply stuck in her throat and beamed brightly as Carson held open the door to the drawing room.

“Mr and Mrs Búcké.”

Hyacinth led the way, Richard followed and Carson closed the door. Lord Grantham rose from his seat and beamed.

“Please, allow me to introduce my family,” Lord Grantham gestured, “This is my wife, Lady Grantham - and my daughters, Lady Mary, Lady Edith, Lady Sybil.”

“Oh, how do you do ,” Hyacinth beamed, offering her hand.

Lady Grantham smiled and shook Hyacinth’s hand. Hyacinth and Richard sat on a couch opposite Lord and Lady Grantham, while a sofa facing the fire held the three girls.

There was a distinct puzzlement shared between the Granthams which made Richard wide-eyed, and Hyacinth readjust her hands, clasped tightly in her lap.

Hyacinth began, “So - “

“Robert mentioned you found Isis,” Cora smiled, and glanced at her husband and back again, “It is so good to know we have a reliable friend - Mrs - “?

“Hyacinth,” spoke Richard, eager to present his front, then pointed to himself, “Richard.”

“Please call me Cora,” smiled Lady Grantham, “Are you staying in town?”

“Well - “ Hyacinth paused, and glanced to Richard, who only needed to open his mouth for Hyacinth to speak at once, “ - we’re touring, you know. Here and there. Ha-ha-ha. You never know where your travels might take you!”

Lady Mary, who since their entrance had failed to be roused, asked, “And where are you from?”

Hyacinth, a smile on her screwed up face, her shining eyes, rocking back and forth under the attention, blurted, “Oh, you know - “

“We’re from the village,” said Richard, grinning, who could not meet his wife’s eyes.

“The village?” Mary glanced between them, raising her chin, “And you happened upon our estate?”

“Come now, Mary,” Cora forced a smile, “You’re being rude to our guests.”

Mary shrugged, “Merely curious, is all.”

Carson entered. “Dinner is served.”

While everyone rose, Hyacinth tugged Richard back to allow the Grantham family to depart first. She hissed in his ear.

“ Rich-ard . There was simply no need to say we were from the vill-age .”

“But we are, Hyacinth,” said Richard, as Carson frowned from afar, “It doesn’t matter for the test.”

“ Rich-ard . We would have fit in much better with the Lord and Lady Grantham of Downton Abbey if you had allowed me to speak for you. Honestly, Richard. Sometimes you have allow your wife some room to speak.”

Richard spoke up, “I thought the 1920’s were different?”

“Hush now, dear. Let’s go in to dinner - and let me do the talking.”

Chapter Text

“Oh, yes ,” smiled Hyacinth, adjusting the many forks and knives before her plate, while footmen surveyed and made their rounds with trays of food, “My husband and I are due on the QE - er, I mean, the, er - “

“The Titanic,” Richard smiled, and patted his wife’s hand.

“Er, yes,” Hyacinth beamed, “Such - such a beautiful vessel. Us English are known for our seafaring. My father was ve-ry highly regarded in maritime circles.”

Mary glanced over, “Was he a sailor?”

“The Titanic ,” beamed Robert, “My cousin James and his son Patrick are planning for a voyage - a bit further on from your date of departure, I understand.”

Hyacinth smiled.

“I’m planning on taking my lovely set of matching executive luggage with genuine leather embellishments and initials. You can’t beat quality!”

Mary set her glass of wine down. “I thought you lost your luggage in the forest?”

Edith and Sybil shared small smiles, and Cora determinedly steered the conversation to safer shores when her husband could not pick up on it.

“You’ll be leaving us so soon, then,” said Cora, wiping her lips with her napkin, “The Titanic is due to leave day after next.”

“Hmm?” Hyacinth glanced up from her meal, “Oh, yes. Well - we’ll certainly be ready for an early departure by train. Won’t we, Richard?”

Richard nodded slowly, and shared a look with Robert. Hyacinth adjusted the fork and knife this way and that, and Mary did not trouble to hide her smile as she ate.

“I thought that went ve-ry well,” smiled Hyacinth, tucking into bed, “Just think , Richard! The Titanic !”

“Well, I don’t see how we’re going to pass that test,” Richard shook his head as he sat on the bed, “Whose car are we taking?”

“Hmm? Oh, we’ll ask their chauffeur. Taylor, I think was his name. Oh, the Lord and Lady Grantham are ve-ry nice people. It’s a shame they’re only actors. But then, I played my part wonderfully .”

“Hyacinth,” paused Richard, “Whose pyjamas are these?”

“Hmm?”

“I mean,” said Richard, “We didn’t come with any luggage!”

“Oh, that doesn’t matter, dear,” sniffed Hyacinth, pulling the covers closer, “Now turn the lamp beside you. We’ve an early start tomorrow. I tell you, Richard. We’ve passed with flying colours - and the Earl and Lady Carnarvon will be only too pleased to have us drive our car out of their very respectable garage with appropriate facilities. I’m sure they’ve even given it a wash down!”

Mary, brushing her hair in the mirror, nodded to Anna who curtseyed and left. Cora, entering the room, smiled and came up to Mary’s side.

“You don’t have to tell me what you thought of our guests,” Cora clasped her hands, seated on the bed, while Mary rubbed cream into her hands.

“They’re quite odd,” Mary watched her mother through the reflection, “And you can’t deny - they certainly tracked you down well.”

“Whatever do you mean?”

“Oh, Mama,” Mary scoffed, “You can’t tell me that woman wore exactly the same dress you own. And I hear from Anna that O’Brien’s mislaid yours .”

“I’m sure it’s just an oversight,” said Cora, “They found Isis in the forest. Nobody could be so shameless as to steal our clothes and wear them right in front of our noses. Especially after doing us such a favor as returning your Papa's Isis."

Mary turned back to the mirror. “You Americans. You'll believe the best of anybody. Even someone like that woman.”

Chapter Text

“It’s a shame you were leaving us so soon,” Cora smiled, standing at the entrance to Downton Abbey. “You must visit us when you return.”

Hyacinth glanced to Richard, who nodded and Hyacinth smiled. Robert gave something to Richard, who hesitated but smiled.

“Of course , Lady Grantham,” Hyacinth did a slight curtsey. “Wonderful to have met you all. Goodbye!”

Hyacinth and Richard climbed into the car brought round by Taylor. Hyacinth waved like the queen, and Downton Abbey soon became the background.

“Oh, Rich-ard,” smiled Hyacinth, “I say, we passed with flying colours.”

“Hyacinth,” pointed Richard, “Where are we even going?”

“Hmm?” Hyacinth glanced over Taylor’s shoulder, “I suppose he’s taking us to the Earl and Lady Carnarvon’s very respectable garage with appropriate facilities.”

The car drove out of the gate.

“I do say,” Hyacinth fidgeted with her pearls, “Well! There’s nothing else for it. Naturally, the Earl and Lady Carnarvon have treated us to a little tour around York before returning us to Carnarvon to fetch our car from their very respectable garage with appropriate facilities.”

The car arrived at the train station. Hyacinth scratched her neck as she got off.

“Good day,” Taylor tipped his hat, and off the car went.

“Hyacinth,” Richard bellowed, “Where is our car?”

“ Rich-ard ,” Hyacinth glanced around, “Clearly the Earl and Lady Carnarvon are still testing us. They want us to get on the train!”

“Hyacinth, the Titanic disembarked from Southampton. Our car’s not there!”

Hyacinth strode over to the man who was assisting luggage.

“Yoo-hoo!”

The man turned with some surprise. Hyacinth tugged her husband forward.

“My husband and I have a first-class cabin on this train,” Hyacinth gestured.

“Names?”

“Búcké.”

The man checked his clipboard. “I don’t see any Buckets… “

Hyacinth tutted, “It’s pronounced Búcké.”

“If you don’t have a ticket, you can’t board!”

The man began to head away. Hyacinth clutched him.

“Excuse me! We come very highly recommended by the, er, Lord and Lady Grantham of Downton Abbey. Yes - I’m afraid we left our tickets - I wouldn’t want to inconvenience the Lord and Lady Grantham of Downton Abbey. That was their driver, you see. Taylor. Yes. I’m sure we will miss our voyage tomorrow.”

“Well,” the man rubbed his neck, “I’d have to check… “

“ Do be a dear and help the man with our luggage, Rich-ard.”

The man and Richard glanced around. Hyacinth patted her hair.

“Oh, yes. We’re - er, traveling light. On board, Richard!”

The whistle blew, the train bellowed smoke, and Hyacinth and Richard were securely in their first class cabin.

“This is ve-ry nice,” Hyacinth looked around and sniffed, “You know, Richard. I’m surprised the Earl and Lady Carnarvon went to - to such lengths to make the train station look just as it did in the 1920’s.”

The train began to move, and Richard was handed a newspaper while Hyacinth requested a cup of tea. Richard tugged at his collar.

“Hyacinth, we only have the outfits we took from home - and those you took from the Lord and Lady Grantham. And Lord Grantham gave us some money as reward for finding his dog.”

“Hmm?” Hyacinth glanced round, “Oh, no matter, dear. I’m getting rather good at it, you see.”

Hyacinth produced another dress and clothes for Richard. “You’ll just have to trust me, Richard. The Carnarvons have gone to a great deal of trouble to make sure we’re part of the upper-classes.”

Richard rolled his eyes and flourished his newspaper. “I hope we’re worth the effort.”

“ Rich-ard . Clearly, the Carnarvons mean to meet us there! We’ve secured passage on the train. It’s not as though we’ll actually be boarding the Ti-tanic.”

Chapter Text

“Well,” said Richard, “You don’t see that every day.”

Hyacinth, alighting from the train, and from some way making their way through the streets which made them both glance around, curious, and the bulk of the ship in the distance.

“This is very odd, Richard,” said Hyacinth, “The Carnarvons surely haven’t - “

They saw all sights around them which increased their blood pressure.

“Come now, Richard. Clearly, we’re still on the train,” Hyacinth hitched her handbag, “We’re just dreaming. That must be it.”

Hyacinth led her husband to a hotel, they paid for the night and settled into their room.

“I don’t know what’s going on, dear,” Hyacinth pursed her lips, “The Carnarvons couldn’t have gone to this stretch - though it would be pleasing at the thought. Clearly - clearly, this isn’t Southhampton. This is just a recreation, dear. And the ship is clearly not the Titanic.”

“Hyacinth,” Richard bellowed, “Look out the window! None of this is normal!”

“Oh, do stop running on, dear. I’m going downstairs for dinner. We’ll hear from some of the locals about the Earl and Lady Carnarvon.”

Hyacinth and Richard went downstairs. En route to their table for dinner, they bumped into a couple.

“Oh! Please do excuse me,” Hyacinth chuckled, “I’m a guest in this hotel bound for the Titanic !”

“The Titanic?” asked the older man, with a younger man. “My son and I decided to leave early. Mr James Crawley and this is my son Patrick.”

“Oh!” Hyacinth cried, “We’ve just come from Downton Abbey. You must be cousin to the Lord Grantham of Downton Abbey. We rescued his dog, you see.”

“Please join our table,” James led them over, and to a table seated four were they moved.

“ Ve-ry nice,” Hyacinth smoothed her gown, “It is so very large, the Titanic. You’d almost think it was a reconstruction, ha-ha.”

James and Patrick looked at each other then at Richard.

“Hyacinth… “

“What my husband means to say,” Hyacinth ventured with a shaking lip, “Well, er - everyone has gone to a great deal of trouble. And we cannot be more gratified by the efforts of the Lord and Lady Grantham - er, I mean, the Earl and Lady Carnarvon - “

Some passing noise made them bolt, and Hyacinth recovered her composure.

“You know, I must lie down. Please excuse me.”

Hyacinth lay in bed. Richard was fretting.

“Hyacinth - “

“I know what you’re thinking, dear. It’s ve-ry odd. But we must persist! A good sleep will do us well. It isn’t in our blood to give up. We must march on! However odd the circumstances. Just think how enamoured of us the Earl and Lady Carnarvon will be that we did not lose face. We continued on. Of course, they expected us to fall at this last hurdle. They almost caught us!”

Richard rolled his eyes and got into bed. “Hyacinth, surely the last hurdle is getting onto that ship. Surely they won’t let us on simply because we had dinner at Downtown Abbey.”

“Hmm? Oh, don’t worry about that, dear.”

Richard closed his eyes. “If only we could ask the Mr Crawleys to buy us tickets… “

Chapter Text

“Oh, Rich-ard ,” Hyacinth beamed at the docks, “Now would you look at that!”

The Titanic was issuing steam, whistles blowing, people scurrying like mad, luggage and porters. Hyacinth and Richard wound their way through the crowd.

“Hyacinth, how are we going to get on board? How - “ Richard took a deep breath, “How are we going to get home ?”

“Oh, never mind that, dear. You see, I heard - I heard there’s a gambling session from in the restaurant. I pick up things, dear, that’s called being observant.”

Hyacinth led Richard over to a bar of sorts.

“Now, listen! You’ll bet what money we have, and you’ll go in there. Rumor is one of the gamblers has tickets for the Titanic, hmm? You’ll have to go in there, and gamble your best!”

“But Hyacinth - “

Hyacinth opened the door, shoved Richard in, and turned to the crowd. She slapped her hands and dusted them on her dress.

“I really must find a change of clothes - the Earl and Lady Carnarvon will want me looking my best.”

Hyacinth scanned the crowd, and saw a red-haired woman step down from a car, joined by a younger red-haired woman. They were accompanied by a well-dressed man with slicked black hair.

“Oh, I do say,” Hyacinth clutched her bosom, “They’ve even hired actors from another film - though I do say I only heard of it from Sheridan - what were their names… “

Hyacinth hurried through the crowd.

The older red-haired woman, standing next to the younger red-haired woman, noticed with sharp eyes the crowd.

“It’s that Molly Brown,” said she, “Quickly. Let’s get on board.”

“Oh!” Hyacinth thrust up a hand, “Mrs Dewitt-Bukater!”

The red-haired ladies hurried up the gangplank, and their male companions hurried to follow.

Hyacinth pushed through and squeezed past and paused at their car.

“Oh, but they have lovely luggage. Mrs Dewitt Bukater! Yoo-hoo!”

Hyacinth was held back by the surging mass, watching the red-haired ladies stand at the junction and then disappear onto the ship. She turned and saw the Mr Crawleys.

“You look like you needed a rescue,” said Patrick.

“Oh, how thoughtful. You’re just like my Sheridan,” Hyacinth beamed, “I do suppose you’re boarding, hmm? Oh, how lovely. You know, I must host one of my candlelight suppers on board. You’d love it, I’m sure.”

James and Patrick glanced at one another. Richard came through the crowd, stinking of tobacco and his clothes soiled.

“Oh, Hyacinth,” said Richard, “I lost - “

Hyacinth caught the Crawleys’ stare.

“ Oh !” Hyacinth covered her eyes, “You lost our tickets! And where shall we go?”

“Please, please - “ James reached into his pockets, “Have ours.”

“Hmm?” Hyacinth’s eyes lit up.

“It was only a passing fancy - “ James practically shoved the tickets into Hyacinth’s hands, and tugged Patrick into the crowd.

“Oh, Rich-ard ,” beamed Hyacinth, flashing the tickets, “This is exactly what the Earl and Lady Carnarvon would want!”

Hyacinth hurried up the gangplank, smiling at all the cheers, and Richard puffing behind.

“Name?”

“Búcké, dear.”

Hyacinth handed over their tickets.

“Mr and… Mr Crawley?”

“Hmm? Yes - we were highly recommended by the Earl and Lady Grantham - you know, Down-ton Abbey?”

The man paused. “Well… “

Hyacinth hurried ahead, and lifted a hand. “Oh! Mrs Dewitt Bukater!”

Hyacinth ran around the corner. Richard stayed at the junction of gangplank to ship.

“I don’t feel very good about this,” said Richard.

“The ship is unsinkable, sir.”

Richard’s eyes bulged, “What about icebergs?”

“Icebergs, sir?” the man chuckled, and glanced to Hyacinth who was chasing the red-haired ladies down a corridor, “With your wife on board sir, I’m no’ afraid of any ice-bergs.”

Richard got on board the ship, and the Titanic blew steam as did the whistle.

“Oh, Rich-ard ,” Hyacinth waved from the railing, “Look! Look at all the people! The Earl and Lady Carnarvon must be meeting us on board. Yes. Clearly this ship is theirs.”

Richard pulled at his collar. The ship began to depart.

“Hyacinth, this all feels a bit too real.”

“Oh, Rich-ard. You know I don’t care for your negativity, dear. Now let us take a quick nap before following Mrs Dewitt Bukater into the first class lounge.”

“Oh, yes… “ Hyacinth murmured, “The Earl and Lady Carnarvon are sure to - “

“Hyacinth?”

“Hmm?”

Hyacinth bolted upright. She was sitting against a tree, and saw to her dismay the gate of Highclere Castle.

“Oh!” Hyacinth held a hand to her bosom. “Oh! Richard, I’ve had the most vivid dream!”

“We’ve missed the tour, Hyacinth.”

Hyacinth got up and dusted the leaves off her dress. “Never mind that, dear. I think I’ve had enough of the peerage for one week.”

“But Hyacinth - you asked to drive you out here to York - “

“Oh, Richard. You must learn to read between the lines. It’s called acting, dear. And I’ve had quite enough of it, thank you very much.”

Richard raised his eyebrows, leading Hyacinth out of the copse of trees and to their car. Highclere became a dot in the distance.

“I do say the Earl and Lady Carnarvon would have been welcome guests at my candlelight suppers… “

“We can still turn around!”

“Nonsense, Richard. You know - sometimes - it is always better wondering what could be , dear. It keeps one’s spirit poised to take the next adventure. And we’re only young, Richard!”

Richard gripped the steering wheel tightly, the car bumping along the road into traffic, and the end credits played to music.

THE END