Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Magnus Bane hadn’t heard the name Alexander Lightwood in years. Truthfully, he’d suspected that he’d never hear it again, void from his own thoughts, which drifted to Alexander far more often than he would ever dare to admit to anyone aloud.

He and Alec had dated once, when they’d both been far too young to deserve a love as pure as what they’d found. Magnus was not a sappy man but, in the privacy of his own head, he thought Alexander was the person he was supposed to end up with before — well, before everything in his life went to shit.

He and Alec had fallen in love fast. They’d spent most of their high school years utterly enthralled with each other. They’d spent their evenings making out in Alec’s room, just to wake up and spend the morning making out in Alec’s car before the bell rang and they had to go their separate ways. Magnus had known, even then when no one had believed they’d last, that he was going to spend the rest of his life with Alec. He was supposed to spend the rest of his life with him.

Magnus shifted and sighed, dropping the note from Raphael back onto his desk. Raphael had come to tell him in person, but he’d still been out. Perhaps, it had felt too personal to send as a text but too urgent to wait until the next time Raphael and Magnus would be able to see each other again.

Raphael was the only person in Magnus’ life that still knew just how deeply and utterly in love Magnus was with Alexander Lightwood. In his line of work, he had to pretend to be uncaring and he did a pretty good job of it. Even with Alec, if anyone ever asked about him, Magnus would pretend not to remember who he was. Alec was something of the past. He was someone Magnus didn’t even recognize anymore.

It was both to protect Magnus’ reputation and to protect Alec himself. Alec deserved a normal life, after everything Magnus had put him through. He had decided a long time ago that even if his heart ached every single time he thought of him, he’d let Alec go. He’d never talk to him again. He’d keep Alec safe from every danger Magnus’ life could bring and Alec would simply be someone he knew once, someone he hardly remembered, someone that meant nothing to him anymore.

Yet, here was this note, threatening all of that with a few simple words. Raphael had written it bluntly and Magnus glanced down to read it over again, as if anything about the contents might have changed since he last looked.

‘Alexander works at the shipping company. Guard. I couldn’t get information on his schedule. We can call it off, if you want.’ Then Raphael had signed his name, as if Magnus wouldn’t know who’d written it.

Magnus sighed and tossed his head back. Even the simple way Raphael had written it showed a consideration that he knew Raphael would not afford many others. The thought of Raphael offering to call off a heist they’d been planning for months simply because someone his associate had dated years ago might be there was laughable and yet, Raphael had done just that because he knew what no one else in Magnus’ life did. He knew that Magnus had never gotten over Alec and that if he forced Magnus to go through with this when he didn’t want to, it could be more dangerous than if they called it off from the beginning.

He was scared Magnus would do something stupid if Alec was there. Magnus would have loved to say the fear was unfounded, but Alec Lightwood was perhaps the one person in the world that he could still be hurt by. Anyone else, he’d conditioned himself to accept that he would lose, even when it came to people like Raphael. What they did was dangerous and he had tried to prepare himself for the day Raphael would end up dead, if it happened before Magnus himself met an untimely demise.

Alexander was different. Magnus had already lost him and yet, he couldn’t bear the thought of living in a world where Alec had been hurt because of him — hurt any more than he had been already, anyway.

He knew that Alec had become a bodyguard. He kept an eye on him when he could. He had someone inform him if Alec moved, if he got a new job, or if he was in trouble. Magnus had only stepped in once or twice, though Alec didn’t know and hopefully never would. Magnus didn’t think he would accept anything from him, if he outright offered. Instead, Magnus had made sure Alec just happened to get what he needed.

When Alec’s parents cut him off, Magnus sent someone to give him money. A ‘random’ charitable act of course, one that Alec just happened to be given when he was struggling, one that a ghost like Magnus Bane had nothing to do with.

Alec was doing a lot better now, so Magnus had mostly backed off. He had a solid job. He made a lot of money. He was trained in self defense, if he ever needed to protect himself.

Magnus didn’t imagine Alec would need him anymore, which was why he hadn’t expected to hear about him again, but he supposed fate worked in mysterious ways and, apparently, fate couldn’t leave Magnus the fuck alone.

He would rather know that he’d never see Alec again than do this, than suffer wondering if they’d run into each other, wondering if Alec would look just as disgusted with him as he had when they’d last seen each other. That was even before Magnus was wanted for murder. That was even before he had done all he’d done after that.

He knew that he couldn’t call it off. It was a simple hit, but a lot of work had gone into figuring out where Camille’s stuff was being held and what exactly they could do to disrupt her operations even more. Magnus couldn't call it off now just because Alec might be there.

He wanted to. He wanted to throw everything aside and call it all off, so he could stay home that night and not have to wonder if he’d see the man he loved again, not have to wonder what that would mean for Alec if he did.

Hopefully he wouldn’t be there but, if he was, Magnus knew he couldn’t stop it. He’d done his best to do right by Alec. He’d left him alone and never contacted him again, after everything happened. He’d kept an eye on him, in case he needed help. He’d helped when Alec needed it but, even after all of that, Magnus couldn’t stop this.

He’d done a lot of stupid things for Alec, but Magnus knew that this was crossing a line that he could not cross. He could not call this off for a man he hadn’t seen in years. He couldn’t call it off just because he might be there. He couldn’t protect Alec from this.

If he’d known Alec worked there before this, it would have been different, but by now their plan was more or less set in stone. Calling it off wasn’t an option. If Alec died there, it was because the world had wanted it to happen, not Magnus. He had done his best to protect Alec, but this was out of his hands. Besides, what message would it send if anyone found out Magnus had called all of this off the moment Alec’s name was dropped? He’d be in danger anyway and that wouldn’t be any better.

Magnus crumpled the note from Raphael and threw it away. He didn’t say anything to him about it, which they both knew that meant that nothing about their plan had changed.

Saturday night came quickly. They approached the shipping company in the dark, silently. They had a small crew with them, the best of the people they knew. The instructions were simple. Get in, take everyone out quietly and efficiently, destroy Camille’s shit, and get out.

Magnus had to stop himself from scanning the cars in the parking lot and wondering if any of them were Alec’s. Truthfully, he’d had to stop himself from thinking a lot of things about Alec recently. He had to stop himself from wondering what would happen if Alec was here now and did die. He had to stop himself from thinking of Alec’s siblings, who he remembered as so much younger than they were now. He had to stop himself from visualizing exactly how heartbroken they’d be if anything happened to their big brother. He had to stop himself from dwelling on it and he had to convince himself that he didn’t care, because he couldn’t.

He had a job to do. It was as simple as that. At the end of the day, Magnus couldn’t put anything else first and… well, it was the end of the day, wasn’t it?

They stood outside, eyeing the big building as Raphael leaned against the hood of his car, lighting a cigarette. Magnus didn’t smoke much anymore, but he reached for the one Raphael had lit anyway, taking it from his hands and raising it to his own lips.

Raphael’s hand froze, now empty. For a moment, it looked as if he was going to argue but, after a second, he simply reached for another one and lit it again. It might have been because of Alec that Raphael let it slide where he’d normally protest. Magnus wasn’t sure and didn’t ask.

“You could’ve called it off,” Raphael said finally.

Key word: could’ve, past tense. Magnus wanted to snap at him for bringing it up at all. He’d been hoping they’d pointedly avoid the topic for the rest of eternity. “No, I couldn’t have,” he said simply, blowing out a puff of gray smoke as he did.

Raphael shrugged. “Maybe not,” he admitted. He lowered the cigarette from his lips, flicking the ash to the ground. “What if he’s in there?” he asked.

“What if?” Magnus posed in return. He knew what Raphael was asking, but pretended that he didn’t. He wasn’t sure what answer Raphael wanted him to give. He wasn’t sure he wanted to say the answer out loud.

Before Raphael could say anything else, Lily appeared in the doorway she’d disappeared through nearly three minutes before. She wore a tight black dress with heels and a pistol strapped to her thigh. For anyone else it would have been an issue but, with Lily, Raphael and Magnus both knew that she was just as capable no matter what shoes she was wearing. Lily raised her hand towards them.

Magnus dropped his cigarette to the ground. Raphael nodded towards her, took a long drag of his cigarette, and then did the same. No words needed to be exchanged for them to all understand what was going on. In the simple motion, Lily had told them that the cameras inside were off and that, just as planned, no one had seen her.

Magnus crushed the cigarette under the heel of his boot before he started to make his way towards the rest of their crew, about five men that he knew each by name. Some of them, he’d trained himself. Some of them had come already trained and eager to make some money doing something distasteful. All of them were trustworthy.

“You know the plan,” Raphael said as they reached them.

There were a couple of nods and a few grunts of approval before they all turned and started heading towards the door that Lily was still holding open with her stiletto. Normally, they’d all have continued walking inside without another word. There was nothing else to say but, as they reached the door and Magnus moved to dart after Lily, who’d ducked inside again, Magnus froze.

His hand clenched on the door, holding it half open, letting no one move past him. Magnus took a slow deep breath before he turned to eye all of their men, his gaze suddenly hard. “There’s a man named Alexander that might be inside,” Magnus snapped. “He has dark hair, tall, a scar across his left eyebrow. If he’s here, you don’t shoot him. You save him for me.”

Magnus’ tone left no room for questions, so no one dared to open their mouth and ask one. He turned to continue inside again, meeting Raphael’s eyes for just a second. Even Raphael said nothing, but his expression said enough.

Magnus looked away and when he finally walked inside, he didn’t look back.

Inside, everything went off without a hitch. Magnus sat back and observed, propping himself up against a wall. Truthfully, he didn’t have to be here. Everyone knew he didn’t. Either he or Raphael should be there in case something went wrong, as this was a big hit against a dangerous person, but they’d been planning this for so long. Nothing could go wrong. Camille had no clue they were here, as planned. She had no time to stop them and they’d be gone before she figured out it was them. They didn’t both need to be there.

Yet, Magnus had come. He liked to pretend he didn’t know why. Maybe, he just felt like getting out. Maybe, he felt like getting his hands dirty after a dull couple of weeks. Still, Magnus knew that it was neither of those things.

He’d come for Alec. He’d come on the off chance that his life was unfair enough for him to really be here. At first, he’d just thought it was a matter of honor. If Alec was here, he wasn’t going to let him die, afraid, with a gun held against his head, wondering what he’d done wrong. Magnus would do it quickly. He wouldn’t make him suffer. Maybe Alec wouldn’t even see the gun coming.

Alec didn’t deserve to die scared. Magnus owed him that much.

Now, Magnus thought he was a fool for coming. He watched as their men worked their way through the building, silently taking everyone out until there was no one left. He didn’t ask if they’d found Alec. They’d have told him if they had.

Magnus would have breathed out a sigh of relief, if he wasn’t acutely aware of the fact that Raphael was watching him, though he had enough tact to pretend that he wasn’t. Magnus had the fleeting urge to leave and go spend the rest of his evening somewhere more pleasant, but that would just make it blatantly obvious he’d only come in case Alec was here, wouldn’t it? He pulled himself off the wall and made his way across the big empty room, towards the storage. Raphael pulled the door open. There was a man there who instantly jumped out, apparently dumb enough to think he’d try to tackle one of them. He’d probably heard the gunshots and thought catching them by surprise the moment the door opened was the only way he’d survive. Maybe, he’d been planning to try to grab one of their guns.

Either way, the man didn’t take him by surprise and he didn’t get close enough to grab anyone’s gun. Magnus pulled the pistol from his holster and shot him before the man probably realized Magnus had pulled the gun on him.

Magnus slipped the gun back into its place and stepped around the body now slumped on the ground. His eyes flickered up to the large shipping crates, all marked in red lettering, ‘fragile’.

It almost made Magnus laugh. It wasn’t fragile. It was drugs.

He nodded his head towards the crates. “Start moving,” he commanded.

In a matter of twenty minutes, they had well over a million dollars worth of drugs destroyed. They had considered taking them and turning a profit, but this was quicker, easier, and more of a hit to Camille anyway. They didn’t steal her drugs because this wasn’t about making money. They destroyed her drugs because she could go fuck herself.

He did notice in the back of his head that it seemed a couple of their men were missing but he didn’t think too deeply about it. Alec wasn’t here, their plan was going off without a hitch and quite frankly, Magnus hadn’t given a shit about what they’d gotten distracted by.

That was his first mistake. He let himself assume he was already in the clear when he wasn’t, not at all.

As they were finishing up, Magnus had to admit that he was bored.

Of course, he didn’t want something to go wrong but… There could have been a little bit of action thrown in. Things going well was good, but after worrying about today for the past week, he felt like the entire affair was a little anticlimactic. Tonight, Magnus would go home and nothing would have changed. Alec would wake up in the morning and learn about what had happened at the facility he’d been hired at for the week. He’d know he’d escaped death but he’d never know he’d come so close to having Magnus shoot him in his pretty head.

It was good. Magnus was relieved, but a small selfish part of him had been excited to see Alec as much as the rational part of his brain had been dreading it, knowing what would happen, what it would mean. There was just a childish part of Magnus that couldn’t think of seeing Alexander in any scenario and not feel excited about it. If he was seeing him again, it had to be something good, right?

But that wasn't how the world worked. Alec didn’t want to see him and to see him here today would mean Alec’s certain death. It was better for them both to never see each other again than for Magnus to find him here. Later, Magnus was sure he would lay in bed alone and be unable to think of anything but scenarios in which they’d meet again and this time, they’d work past everything that had forced them apart before.

It was the most painful, unrealistic dream that Magnus allowed himself.

They were ready to leave in about a half hour and Magnus hadn’t had to lift a finger, excluding the poor sap he’d shot. All of Camille’s guards were dead. All of her drugs had been destroyed. The police hadn’t been called. Everything had gone off without a hitch and Magnus felt as if he’d wasted his night when he could have been wallowing in his luxury apartment, thinking about romantic endeavors that were long gone and over with.

He was just about to leave Raphael to clean up when Elliott, one of their men that Magnus had only distantly realized was missing, reappeared in the doorway, looking right at him. “Bane?” he called cautiously.

Magnus turned and raised an eyebrow, the universal sign for him to hurry up and spit it out. On the outside, Magnus’ face was smooth and impassive but on the inside, he knew the moment Elliott spoke his name. Some part of him knew what he was about to tell him.

“The man you mentioned,” Elliott continued. “He’s upstairs. You said to leave him for you,” he reminded, as if Magnus could have forgotten.

Magnus wished he could say that he reacted instantly. He wished he could say that the knowledge of Alec being so close had his heart pounding in his chest with memories of every good moment they’d ever shared flashing behind his eyes. He wished he could say the dread had flooded him soon after, leaving him already mourning the horrifying reality of what was going to happen now.

In reality, Magnus didn’t react at all and the only thing he felt was an overwhelming numbness. None of it felt real. Alec couldn’t be here. Magnus had already resigned himself to having a boring night at home. Where was that boring night now? How could things have shifted so quickly, until he was standing here, knowing the man he’d been longing to see was so close and yet, dreading the moment he’d see him?

When Magnus failed to speak, Raphael himself stepped forward, “Alexander?” Raphael asked.

There was an edge to Raphael’s voice that Magnus knew made Elliott, and nearly everyone else, uneasy. Elliott shrugged as if he wasn’t. “I guess.”

Raphael turned to Magnus and they exchanged a few words at once without speaking. Raphael’s gaze looked cautious, like he wasn’t sure Magnus had the guts to do what needed to be done now, like he’d been hoping for any outcome except this so Magnus wouldn’t do something incredibly stupid that Raphael couldn’t stop.

Magnus wasn’t sure what his expression told Raphael but, for a moment, he looked like he was about to jump in and take over, so Magnus found himself speaking before he could.“Where is he?” he asked Elliott smoothly. Maybe, it wasn’t even Alec. There could be someone else here who looked like him but, even as Magnus rationalized it in his head, he knew that it was going to be Alec. Of course it would be Alec. Magnus wasn’t fortunate enough to live in a universe in which the torture of never seeing Alec again was punishment enough.

“I’ll show you,” Elliott said, before he was turning to walk back out of the room.

Magnus could do nothing but follow behind him.

Elliott led Magnus upstairs to what had to be an office. The door was closed but as they reached it, Elliott threw it open unceremoniously, giving Magnus no extra time to prepare himself. Perhaps if Elliott had understood the importance of this, he’d have hesitated a little more, but he didn’t. Magnus didn’t talk about Alexander. Of course no one but he and Raphael understood what was happening here. As the door opened, he made a point to keep his face blank.

He wasn’t even sure why. If he had to shoot him, what did it matter if Magnus showed emotion right now? Maybe it was just for his own sake. Maybe it was because he knew that if he showed emotion, any emotion at all, he might just crack and all of it would come spilling out — years and years worth of waiting for the moment to come where Alec would be in front of him, just to have it add up to this twisted version of his dream.

Alec had always been Magnus’ weakness. He did stupid things when it came to Alec. When Alec was around, nothing was more important than him. Not his own safety, not some plan, nothing. It was always Alec that Magnus made his decisions for. Sometimes, it wasn’t even a conscious choice. He just put Alec first when he was forced to decide and, having something like that, something that made you throw all reasoning out the window, was beyond dangerous.

He had let Alec go because he had to, but he’d also let him go because everyone was in danger when Alec was around. Magnus couldn’t think straight when it came to him. He never could. Ragnor had learned that lesson the hard way.

Now, Magnus was coming face to face with the one man he’d lost everything for and he knew he couldn’t do it again. Last time, Magnus had attended a funeral. He’d been a wanted criminal. He’d lost Alec. He’d lost Ragnor. He’d lost everything.

That had been the end of their story. Magnus had ruined everything trying to stop himself from losing Alec and, in the end, he’d lost him anyway, along with so much more. That was supposed to be the end of it all but here they were again, drawn together by some horrible twist of fate.

Alec looked horrified when Magnus saw him. He looked terrified. Magnus didn’t blame him. He would have been scared too, if he was on the ground, kneeling, with a gun held steadily against the side of his head. When Alec looked up and saw Magnus standing in the doorway, a couple of complicated things crossed his face all at once. There was one expression in particular that broke Magnus’ heart in two.

He looked confused. He looked like he wasn’t sure if he was seeing things correctly. He looked terrified. Then, he seemed to realize that he wasn’t mistaken and what he was seeing was real. Magnus was there in front of him and all at once, Alec’s face blossomed with a desperate kind of relief.

It was obvious that Alec didn’t know what was going on. He didn’t know what he’d done wrong to end up here. He didn’t know if he was going to live or die, but Magnus was there and, for a moment, Magnus could see plain on Alec’s face that he thought he was safe.

He thought Magnus was going to save him. He thought Magnus was going to protect him. He thought there was no way that Magnus would ever let anything bad happen to him. If Magnus was there, things had to be okay. Wasn’t that just the most heartbreaking thing Magnus had ever been forced to see?

“Magnus,” Alec breathed out. He didn’t move. He didn’t seem to dare, but his whole body swayed forward, as if desperate to be closer to Magnus even by an inch.

Magnus allowed himself just a moment to look and think. Ignoring everything else, he was struck by how beautiful Alec was. He always had been. No one had ever taken his breath away the way Alexander did and somehow, even after all these years, that hadn’t changed.

Magnus felt the gun heavy at his side. He knew that in a moment, he’d reach for the gun and he’d do what he had to do. He would shoot him, and he wouldn’t let his face give any indication that he cared. Alec would die here and Magnus would know for the rest of his life that they were really and truly over.

They’d been over for years now, but when one of them was buried in the dirt, it was different. It was a different kind of over. Before, Magnus could wonder if they’d run into each other. He could wonder if Alec would happen to be at a bar Magnus wandered into. He could wonder if they’d see each other at a Walmart and stop for a moment to talk and then realize they couldn’t live a single day more without each other. Magnus always wondered, no matter where he went.

After this, there would be no wondering ever again. He would know that Alec was dead and there was never going to be anything more for them.

Magnus wondered if Isabelle would invite him to the funeral. He wondered if she’d call to tell him what had happened or if they’d forgotten how tenderly he had loved Alec once, how tenderly they’d loved each other. He wondered if Alec’s family would even think of him, if they’d hear of their brother’s death and remember Magnus, not knowing he’d had been the cause of his death.

Magnus reached for the gun. He lifted it steadily. The barrel came to rest not even a few inches away from Alec’s head. He didn’t want to see the expression on Alec’s face when he realized what would happen now. He didn’t want to see him realize that Magnus was not going to protect him, that he couldn’t, but Magnus couldn’t look away either.

There were tears in Alec’s eyes and it broke Magnus’ heart. He wished this could have happened differently. He wished that they were alone, so that he could kneel and press his lips to Alec’s one more time. He wished that he could tell him how much he loved him, how much he always had, and he wished that he could tell Alec he was sorry, at least once before he did it.

He wished he could take away his fear, so that he didn’t know what was coming but Magnus couldn’t. If he kissed Alec, he’d never shoot him. Kissing him now was as unrealistic as every other fantasy Magnus had ever had about them working out but he let himself imagine it for a moment anyway. He wondered what Alec was thinking as he watched the tears fall down his pretty cheeks and drip to the floor. He wondered if they were sharing the same impossible fantasy of one last kiss before it was over.

Magnus knew he had to shoot him. He’d do it and Alec’s body would collapse to the floor. He’d be dead before he even landed. Magnus would make sure of it. He wouldn’t let Alec suffer.

Magnus had to shoot Alec. There was no other choice here. Yet, he had always made impossible choices for Alexander. He lowered the gun. Then, he turned away. “Take him,” Magnus said simply. “He’s strong. Be careful, then bring him to my loft.”

Magnus saw Elliott nod. He was sure that Elliott was confused, but Magnus didn’t wait to see that expression on his face. He just started walking away and, as he heard the commotion behind him, a bitter smile crossed Magnus’ face. He had no doubts that Alec was putting up a fight.

Of course, Alec wouldn’t come easily. Nothing was ever easy with him. That was the curse that had always plagued them. If the only thing that mattered was love, he and Alec would have never left each other's side, but it wasn’t that easy and it never would be, especially not for them.

Magnus walked downstairs. He told Raphael he was leaving and didn’t mention Alec to him. Someone else would later, he was sure. He wondered if Raphael would be surprised at what he’d done. He doubted it. Maybe Raphael had known all along what he’d do if Alec was there. Magnus wasn’t sure and he wasn’t going to ask.

Going to see Alec at all had been Magnus’ second mistake. He should have known he’d never be able to look at him and make any other choice than the one he’d made. Looking back on it, he should have sent Raphael to confirm it was really him and then he should have let them take care of it while he left.

Taking Alec was his third mistake, but it had been inevitable at that point.

Chapter Text

Magnus had been home for about half an hour when Elliott finally arrived with Alec. He wasn’t sure what he’d expected when they walked through the door. Maybe Alec kicking and screaming as he was dragged in, doing anything to get away and remind Magnus exactly how severely he’d fucked up here. Yet, when Elliott walked inside, Alec was unconscious and thrown over Elliott’s shoulder, who struggled to carry him.

Elliott was strong, but Alec, with all that toned muscle now nothing but dead weight, was heavy. Magnus gestured to the couch and Elliott dropped him unceremoniously onto it. For a moment, Elliott hesitated and, when Magnus turned to look at him, he frowned.

“Do you want me to—” Elliott trailed off. Magnus blinked uncomprehendingly. At last, Elliott gestured vaguely towards Alec. “He’s pretty strong. You don’t want me to restrain him?” he asked, quirking an eyebrow.

For a moment, Magnus was caught stupidly off guard by the question. Of course, Alec was strong. Magnus himself wasn’t weak, but Alec… Alec was a threat to him. It was an undeniable fact. Alec was bigger than him, stronger than him, and better trained in self defense.

And now, Magnus had kidnapped Alec. Alec could easily kill him and, not only that, he’d have reason to do so. It would be self defense and there would be no way around that. He knew he would deserve it and yet, he was bitterly hurt by the idea of Alec attacking him. Part of him just didn’t understand. Part of him remembered Alec like they’d been years ago.

He remembered kissing him for the first time. He remembered them both shyly holding hands for the first time. He remembered their first date. He remembered Alec’s childhood bedroom and how they’d curl under the covers together and part of Magnus just couldn’t reconcile all of that with what was happening now.

He had the urge to send Elliott away without tying Alec up at all. Magnus would insist that Alec loved him and wouldn’t hurt him. Magnus would insist that tying Alec up was entirely unnecessary. But that was a fantasy, as stupid as all the dreams Magnus had before of them meeting again and somehow, making it work.

Alec didn't love Magnus anymore. They were both so far away from that.

Magnus turned away at last. “Tie him up,” he murmured. He stood in the doorway to the living room a second later, leaning against the wall with an old cup of coffee in his hands, watching as the love of his life was restrained — his hands tied behind his back, his ankles locked together.

When Elliott left, Alec was still unconscious. He laid on Magnus’ couch with his head tossed back, showing off the tender skin of his neck. Magnus wanted to put a pillow behind his head so he wouldn’t wake up sore, but he didn’t.

That’s not who they were anymore and, after this, even the fantasies Magnus had of them someday becoming that again seemed entirely out of reach. There was a time when everything had been so simple between them. They’d been in love. No one had really believed them when they said it. Everyone thought they were too young to know what love was, but Magnus knew better. They hadn’t been too young. Magnus had loved Alec with everything he had and Alec had loved him in return.

Once upon a time, he had thought that was enough. He’d been so naive then. They both had. They’d thought love was all they needed to make it work, but life didn’t quite agree with that sometimes. Magnus had gotten involved in shit he was too young for and Alec had ignored his parents’ warning that Magnus was trouble. Alec hadn’t believed them and Magnus really hadn’t either until…

Well, it didn’t matter. They just hadn’t worked out in the end and, now, Magnus was here with Alec tied up on his couch, an unwilling participant in this new game he didn’t think either of them wanted to be playing.

The first time Alec had kissed him, he’d done it without warning. Magnus had found himself entirely taken back. He wasn’t upset at the turn of events, but he was shocked. Magnus and Alec had both left school and walked to get ice cream, as they often did together. Things had been a little awkward between them that day.

The night before, Magnus had told Alec that he liked him. Alec had frozen when he said it and then he’d stumbled out that he wasn’t gay, but that it was okay that Magnus liked him. He’d tacked that last part on frantically, but his face had turned white a second later. Then, he’d fumbled out some excuse about homework Magnus knew he didn’t have before he turned and left him there alone, feeling incredibly stupid for misunderstanding what they were.

He hadn’t expected Alec to talk to him the next day, but he did and as they walked to their normal ice cream place in silence, Magnus had thought he’d truly managed to destroy their friendship. Alec was going to buy him ice cream and then, he was going to tell him they couldn’t be friends anymore.

Instead, Alec bought him ice cream and they sat together outside eating in silence until he turned to Alec to ask if they were still going to be friends and Alec turned to him and leaned in without any other prompting, crushing their lips together before Magnus could get a single word out.

When they parted, Alec’s cheeks turned bright red. He said nothing and, after a moment, Magnus asked slowly, “So, you…”

“I like you,” Alec rushed out. “I lied,” he said simply.

Magnus remembered nodding, a slow grin stretching across his lips. His ice cream was melting in his hands, but he didn’t care. Without another word, Magnus leaned in to kiss Alec again. Back then, things had really been that simple. He wouldn’t have even been able to imagine how things would change.

He missed that kind of innocence. He missed ice cream, sticky fingers, and kisses that tasted like vanilla.

Alec woke up slowly. When his eyes finally fluttered open, Magnus could see the exact moment he remembered everything that had happened. He could see the moment he remembered how irreversibly Magnus had fucked them both over and, when Alec’s eyes fluttered over to Magnus’, he could see the moment where his eyes sparked with recognition.

For just a second, Magnus saw that same emotion that had flicked across Alec’s face when they’d first made eye contact in the office. He could tell that Alec didn’t remember the guns, the fear, or the kidnapping just yet but he knew Magnus.

He looked happy, hopeful, and he looked so reassured to be in Magnus’ presence. Then, Magnus saw the minute Alec finally remembered everything else. Magnus saw Alec’s face crumple just before he jerked on the couch, tugging on his restrained hands.

When he seemed to realize there was no way he was going to get his hands free, he went entirely still and, when he looked up to Magnus again, his face was blank. He had expected Alec to look scared, but it seemed more fitting for him to look like this — closed off, guarded, and hiding absolutely every emotion he had from Magnus. He wondered if he’d been trained to do that just in case he was ever put in a compromising position such as this, but Magnus wasn’t sure if they’d have covered kidnapping in Alec’s training.

Maybe, the guarded look was not something he’d been taught to do. Maybe, this was something special, a reaction reserved just for Magnus.

Alec had always been open for him. He used to be able to read Alec as easily as he’d read a book. When Alec was upset, Magnus could tell. When he wasn’t, Magnus could tell that too. Now, Magnus couldn’t see anything at all in Alec’s face. Of all the things to be hurt by, he shouldn’t have been affected by that, not after what he’d done to Alec, but he let himself to be pained by it anyway. Emotions were funny like that. They didn’t need to make sense.

“Did you do all of that just to take me?” Alec asked finally. Magnus was pretty sure he’d intended for his words to sound neutral, but there was a burning anger behind his voice that he could admire.

Alec had always stood up for what was right, unflinchingly. Magnus had loved that about him. It was part of the reason he’d fallen in love with him but, back then, Alec had been standing up for Magnus. They’d been on the same side. Now, Magnus was the thing that was wrong.

“No,” he replied honestly. “You just happened to be there.”

He could tell that Alec wasn’t sure if he should believe him. He didn’t blame him. He could have orchestrated this whole thing just to kidnap Alec, but he hoped they both knew he wouldn’t do that. Still, Alec would have never thought Magnus would kidnap him either. Perhaps, the person standing before Alec was not someone he felt he knew anymore.

“Untie me,” Alec ordered, instead of commenting any further. It wasn’t a request, but they both knew Alec wasn’t exactly in any position to be making demands.

“You know I can’t,” Magnus responded evenly.

“So, what are you going to do with me?” Alec snapped. He tugged on his arms again, but there was no give for him to take advantage of. He didn’t even try to tug on his ankles, which were also firmly bound together, but Magnus imagined he knew he was stuck.

Magnus blinked at Alec’s question, no words coming out of his mouth. He had nothing to say to that, nothing he wanted to say, at least. The truth was that he had no clue what he was going to do with Alec. He couldn’t let him go and he couldn’t kill him, so where exactly did that leave them?

When Magnus said nothing, Alec asked instead, “What were you doing there then?” He snapped his jaw closed after he said it, his teeth tight in his mouth. Magnus had seen that same tense expression on Alec’s face when he’d fought with his parents, sometimes over his grades which were never good enough, sometimes over Magnus. “If you didn’t go there for me?” Alec clarified when Magnus didn’t respond.

Magnus hesitated for just a moment, but there was no real reason not to be honest. Alec wasn't going anywhere anyway, and it wasn’t like he had some glowing impression of Magnus that he was trying to protect.

“I was getting back at someone,” Magnus murmured. “Your boss. I don’t imagine you know who took out your contract though…”

He trailed off, but he knew Alec didn’t know. Companies like Alec’s were discrete. She’d probably used a different name, anyway.

“You were getting back at the person who hired me,” Alec echoed blankly. “So, you killed everyone?” There was a soft kind of disbelief on his face as he said it, like he couldn’t imagine that was the truth.

Magnus looked away.“I didn’t kill everyone,” he answered softly. “I didn’t let them kill you.”

He turned away from Alec to head into the kitchen. He returned with water, as if that was why he’d left but, truthfully, Magnus just didn’t want to look at Alec any longer. He couldn't stand seeing his face. He couldn’t stand the expression on it. He couldn’t face the disgust he knew he’d see there.

He still couldn’t wrap his head about what he’d done. Why hadn’t he just let them kill Alec? But he knew the answer. He hadn’t let them kill Alec because he was still in love with him.

It was a stupid reason. Perhaps the most dangerous one he could have.

Magnus had met Raphael his senior year of High School. Raphael had been working with a woman named Camille and, eventually, Magnus started working for her too. Back then, Raphael hadn’t exactly liked Camille. He’d only worked for her because his family needed the money. His mother had been sick and there was no other job for a seventeen year old that would bring in as much money as Camille offered. None of the poor words he’d to say about Camille scared Magnus away.

Magnus started working for her for more selfish reasons than Raphael. He’d been young and naive. He’d thought that it was all a fun game where he got to make more money than he’d ever had before. He didn’t think anyone could possibly get hurt. He wouldn’t have started working for her if he had but, by the time he realized just how serious it was, it was far too late.

In the beginning, though, it had just been fun. Even Raphael had found part of it entertaining. He was doing it all for more noble reasons than Magnus, admittedly. He didn’t like Camille. He didn’t like what they were doing, but they were young and they’d felt invincible. How could they not enjoy playing the bad guys, just a little?

It was stupid, little things in the beginning. They’d steal stuff. They’d threaten people. It was never anything more serious than that. They never did anything to make them think that anyone was in real danger. Looking back on it, Magnus knew that Camille had done that on purpose. That’s how she got people. She’d make them think it was all a fun, risk-free game and then, when she finally made them do something that showed just how dangerous it all was, they were already in so deep that they couldn’t leave.

It was smart. Magnus hated her for it, but he hated himself more for falling for it. Regardless, Magnus met Raphael and Raphael introduced him to Camille. Alec had liked Raphael, the few times they’d met but he didn’t like what Magnus did with him. Alec only met Camille twice and he hated her instantly. He’d never fallen for Camille’s smiles and the way she danced around the truth.

Camille had always given Alec a bad feeling. He’d told him so the night after he’d met her. Magnus had just thought his boyfriend was being overprotective and anxious, but now, Magnus knew that he should have listened to him. If he had, none of this would have ever happened.

Magnus held a glass of water out for Alec’s lips. Alec had initially refused but, when he promised there wasn’t anything in it, he finally leaned forward to take a sip. “I want to call my siblings to tell them I’m okay,” he said as he leaned back again.

At that, Magnus frowned. He wasn’t surprised at the request, but he was unhappy. He knew Alec would want to call his siblings, but he’d been hoping he’d have a little more time to figure out if he was going to let him or not before Alec asked. He’d been hoping he’d have time to figure out what he was going to do with him in general.

Magnus’ hesitation prompted Alec to speak again, his words hard and unyielding. “I can’t let them think I died.”

Slowly, Magnus nodded. What would it really hurt if Alec called his siblings? How would it make this situation any worse? Except that his siblings knowing would mean that someone knew Magnus hadn’t killed Alec there, someone other than Magnus, Raphael and their crew, who wouldn’t say anything no matter who asked.

Instinctively, he knew this was a mistake. He couldn’t pinpoint why, but he knew it was. He shouldn’t want anyone to know that Alec was alive. He shouldn’t want anyone to know that he cared about this man that much. Magnus had already nodded though and before he knew it, he was moving to untie Alec’s hands, too.

At this point, he hesitated again and, after a long moment, Alec spoke, “I won’t.” He didn’t need to clarify what he meant. They both understood what they were agreeing to. Magnus would let him call his siblings and Alec wouldn’t attack him.

He nodded again and cut through the rope holding Alec’s hands together. Alec stretched for a moment, twisted his wrists, and rubbed some blood back into his chafed skin. He reached for the phone as Magnus handed it to him and, for a moment, Magnus had the urge to rip it out of his hand and change his mind entirely. It would probably be the smart thing to do. He didn’t and, instead, he stood and watched Alec dial the number.

It was only a couple of months after starting to work for Camille that everything changed. Magnus and Alec had both graduated at that point. Alec was taking a few months off before he was going to law school, like his parents wanted him to. Magnus himself was just happy to be an adult and be free. At the time, he had no real plans besides moving in with Ragnor, and that had been fine by him.

It only made sense that he’d start working for Camille full time. It wasn’t really a choice he made. It was just something that happened. Camille knew Magnus had graduated. She knew he wanted money. She started calling him more often and that’s also about when she gave him a gun for the first time.

He had never held a gun before, but Camille showed him how to use it and, after that, he never left the house without it. He remembered specifically not telling Alec this. He knew Alec wouldn’t like it, and part of him knew that Alec’s concern wasn’t unjustified, so he hid it instead.

He did tell Ragnor, who didn’t like it, either. He, like Alec, did not like Camille. That should have been a big red flag for Magnus. Two of the most important people in his life not liking who he was working for should have been a huge, glaring red flag, but he brushed it all off.

After that, Magnus had a gun but he never had to use it. Raphael had a gun too, so it was fine. It was all fine, until suddenly, it wasn’t anymore. Camille asked Magnus to go with her to do something and Magnus, naïve as ever, assumed it was nothing more than what they’d done before.

The fact that Camille wanted him to go with her alone should have told him that it was nothing like what they’d done before, but Magnus didn’t pick up on that. He was excited that Camille wanted him to go. He was excited that she liked him enough to ask for him and no one else.

He shouldn’t have been excited.

Camille brought him towards the edge of the city. They were following someone, Magnus realized a little too late. He only noticed when Camille took every turn the car in front of them took. She wasn’t being subtle either. They were right behind the car, clearly tailing them. The car had noticed too, as they started speeding up to try to get rid of them.

The car ran through a red light, ripping around a corner and cutting through a parking lot until they could turn into an alleyway. They were trying to lose them, Magnus could tell, but Camille wouldn’t let them. She went through the red light, cutting off cars, nearly causing accidents but somehow managing not to.

Camille stayed right behind the car and Magnus remembered clutching the seat under him as his stomach dropped.

“What are we doing?” Magnus finally asked. He had no clue what they were about to do. He didn’t know what Camille was thinking. He did know that he didn’t like it and, suddenly, he regretted letting himself get into any situation where he was here with her alone.

“You’ll see,” Camille had responded smoothly, not even looking at him.

The car finally pulled over in a parking lot. The person, a young man, jumped out of the car, leaving the door wide open and the lights still on as he sprinted across the parking lot. He was trying to get away, clearly thinking that if he couldn’t lose them in the car, he might be able to by running on foot to where they couldn’t follow with the vehicle. He had to have known why Camille was following him, what she’d do, but Magnus hadn’t been sure what the man had done. He hadn’t wanted to know. Maybe he owed Camille money. Maybe he’d betrayed her but, either way, he’d done something and he had to have known it too.

Camille stepped out of the car calmly. Then, she reached for the gun she kept in the side door. She raised it steadily and shot it without flinching. He heard the man let out a pained noise as he fell to the pavement, clutching some part of his body that Magnus couldn’t see in the dark. He’d been so thankful that it was dark.

Camille turned to Magnus, then, and Magnus heard her knuckles hitting the top of the car. “Bring this back,” she said simply. It took Magnus too long to even process that she was talking about the car. He remembered Camille standing there without moving, just staring at him. She was analyzing him, he’d realized, watching his reaction closely. After a beat, she turned and started walking to the car the man had fled from.

Magnus jumped out of the car and finally rushed into the driver's seat. He shoved the car into reverse and he left as quickly as he could. He didn’t look to see if Camille shot the man again to make sure he was dead. He didn’t want to see if she took his body or left him there. He didn’t want to know. He didn’t want to see any of it.

He met her at her home a half hour later. Magnus had still been sitting in the car she’d told him to take, shaking, not knowing what to do. Camille drove him home after. They didn’t speak of it the entire way. She could have threatened him to stay silent and not tell anyone what happened, but she didn’t.

She didn’t need to. Magnus had gone with her. He’d taken her car back. He hadn’t called the police. He was already an accomplice. He couldn’t tell anyone and she knew it. She didn’t need to threaten him.

Magnus didn’t tell Alec, Raphael, or Ragnor what happened that night. That, too, he regretted because if he’d told them, he knew one of them would have convinced him to do something different than what he did, which was to pretend it hadn’t happened at all and avoid the news like the plague.

Magnus had made a lot of mistakes, but not telling anyone about that night was probably the worst one. That was the moment his life had shifted and, after that, he hadn’t seemed to be able to shift any of it back again.

Isabelle picked up on the fourth ring. The number was private. Magnus could tell by the hesitation in her voice that she almost hadn’t answered, but her brother was missing, probably presumed dead. Of course she’d answer a weird call she got in the middle of the night.

“Izzy,” Alec breathed out. Magnus could hear the relief in his voice at the simple fact that she’d answered. Magnus remembered loving someone so much that hearing the sound of their voice was like a breath of fresh air. He’d loved Ragnor like that. He’d loved Alec like that, though that kind of love had been a little different. Now, Magnus didn’t have either of them and he couldn’t really recall what it felt like to care about someone like that and have them care about you in return.

“Alec?” Izzy’s voice was soft in disbelief and then, suddenly, her voice was rising until she was nearly hysterical. “Where are you? The police called and woke us up, they said your place—”

Alec cut her off, “I know. Izzy, listen. I can’t talk for long.” Alec’s sister fell silent at the serious tone in his voice and then, Alec spoke again, “I’m fine. I’m safe. I can’t tell you where I am, but I just wanted you to know that I’m okay.”

Isabelle stayed silent for a long moment. Then, she was asking in a hushed voice that Magnus could barely hear from where he was standing, “Where, Alec? Where are you? Who are you with?”

At that, Alec hesitated. His eyes darted over to Magnus and he could tell that he was thinking about what would happen if he told her the truth right now and what would happen if he didn’t.

Magnus said nothing, nor did he move. Alec would say what he’d say. It was Magnus’ stupid idea to let him make the phone call anyway. He’d deal with the consequences.

“I’m just... I’m safe, Izzy. I’m with a friend, okay?” Alec hesitated for another moment before he was speaking again, surprising Magnus twice in the same moment. “Don’t tell the police I called. Trust me. I have to go but let Jace know I’m okay and don’t tell anyone else, alright?”

They said their goodbyes. Isabelle threatened Alec over the phone that if anything happened to him, she’d kill him, and Alec insisted that he’d take care of himself and that he knew what he was doing. When they hung up, Alec stared down at the phone in his hand, blinking as if he couldn’t believe what had just happened, that he’d talked to his sister and not told her where he was, even though nothing was stopping him.

Magnus reached for the phone and Alec handed it to him without a fight.

Then, Magnus told Alec to stay and disappeared into the bedroom. When he came back, he was carrying a set of handcuffs. Magnus cuffed Alec to the hand rest on the couch and untied his feet, slipping his heavy boots off him as Alec sat there limply.

He offered to get Alec something more comfortable to wear, but Alec declined as he stared blankly down at the metal on his wrist. He left him there on the couch with a blanket, going to his bedroom to sit and pretend to sleep for the rest of the night — pretend that he wasn’t thinking about Alec, who he’d dreamed of nearly every night before, who was now in Magnus’ living room restrained to the couch and tucked in like a cherished guest, even though those two facts didn’t seem to fit together.

He managed to sleep for about an hour. The rest of the time, he spent thinking about why Alec hadn’t told his sister exactly who he was with when he’d had the chance.

Chapter Text

The next time Camille brought Magnus along with her to do something, they found themselves in an empty warehouse. Upon reflection, Magnus thought it was very cliché.. There was a man there, older than the last one. He was tied to a chair when Magnus and Camille walked in. Whoever had tied him was gone already and now it was just the three of them alone in that dark, drafty building.

Magnus hesitated when he walked in and saw exactly what was going on, but Camille snapped at him to come in and he listened without a word. The man bound to chair was big and full of muscle. Magnus remembered being thankful that he was tied down because he was sure this man could beat the shit out of him if he wanted to.

He tried to ask why they were there, but Camille ignored him. She acted like she hadn’t even heard him speak. Instead, she focused on asking the man questions about who’d tipped him off, who’d told him this or that, who had betrayed her, acting as if Magnus wasn’t standing right there, watching in bewilderment.

The man insisted that he didn’t know what she was talking about. Camille clearly didn’t believe him and Magnus himself hadn’t known what to think. Later, he’d be convinced that the hostage was innocent after all but back then, he hadn’t been so sure. He’d still been convinced that Camille wouldn’t do this to someone who was innocent. The last man she’d killed had to have done something deserving of his fate. This one too. There was no way this could all be happening to them for nothing. Magnus still thought that Camille wouldn’t do that. Even if they didn’t deserve death, they’d done something to get themselves here.

Camille got sick of it all quickly: sick of trying to dig for answers and having the man insist he didn’t have any when she was so clearly convinced that he did. First, she slapped him across the face. Then, she punched him, and kept punching him until blood was dripping from his face down his chest and cascading across his body. It was only his nose that was bleeding, Magnus recalled, but it was bleeding so much that the entire scene looked so much worse than it was. He hadn’t thought Camille’s delicate-looking hands could inflict so much damage. He’d been taken back that her nails still looked perfect. She tried for a while longer to get the man to give her answers that he truly didn’t seem to have, while Magnus stood and did nothing the entire time.

He stared dumbfounded, not assisting her, but also not doing anything to help the man. He just stood there frozen with wide eyes and, when Camille finally turned to him and snapped ‘shoot him’, Magnus still didn’t move. His face twisted when he finally processed her words. His stomach flipped suddenly, making him anxious he’d throw up right then and there. He hadn’t signed up to shoot people. He’d never wanted to hurt anyone. He’d thrown up alone in the bathroom of his apartment the night he saw Camille shoot someone for the first time. Afterward, he’d promised himself that he’d never do what she did, no matter what Camille said. Magnus wasn’t a killer.

He did try to refuse, at least.

“I can’t,” he had said to her. He’d thought Camille would be annoyed with him at first, but then she’d do it herself. She did have a gun, after all, same as the one she insisted Magnus be holding as they walked inside. Now, it was cold in his hands. The safety was off. It was loaded. It had been loaded the entire time he’d carried it on him, but it suddenly felt much less like a toy and more like a real thing, capable of ending someone’s life. How had he held this before and thought it was so cool?

Camille glared at him. Then, she moved towards the man in a flash of anger. She was ripping off the binds tying the man to the chair and then backing up with a look of calm contemplation and strange excitement.

The man scrambled to his feet. Magnus expected Camille to shoot him right then. She had to be letting him get up so that she could shoot him. Yet, she didn’t raise her gun even when the man was standing. Magnus didn’t understand what she was doing until the man's eyes locked on the gun in Magnus’ hands.

Camille would shoot the man if he dove towards her, but Magnus was the weakest link here and all three of them could see that plainly. The man Camille had brutalized could probably see it more than anyone. Magnus might be his chance at getting away alive. The man didn’t waste a moment before he was lunging towards Magnus, grappling to try and get the gun from his hands.

Magnus yelled for Camille, but she did nothing except stand and watch, blinking impassively as the scene unfolded around her.

Magnus raised the gun and pointed it at the man at last, yelling at him to back up. The man didn’t. Instead, he dove for Magnus again and, without even deciding to do so, Magnus found himself pulling the trigger. The man dropped to the ground before he could even process what he’d done. His ears were ringing with the sound of the gunshot. His hands were trembling as he lowered the gun.

The man laid dying on the floor, choking and jerking as he made horrendous noises Magnus wished he couldn’t hear. It wasn’t like in the movies. He had shot him in the chest, but he didn’t die instantly. He stared wide awake with a panicked, far too human expression on his face as he struggled to breathe.

Magnus only looked away when Camille reached out to tip Magnus’ jaw up towards her. “When I tell you to shoot,” she said, after a long moment. “You do.” Her words were sweet like velvet, discordant with the threat that lay plainly behind them, where the man lay dying on the floor, Magnus’ shaking hands still holding a gun he’d just fired.

Camille dipped forward and pressed her red lips against Magnus’. The kiss was not sweet. Her lips were cold and left dark lipstick smeared across Magnus’ face, marking him. Her sharp nails dug into the skin under his chin, leaving a shallow scratch mark as she finally pulled away and turned to leave him standing there, as if nothing at all had just happened between them, as if Magnus’ lips weren’t stained red like the blood that was trailing far too close to his shoes.

Just like before, he didn’t tell anyone about that night. He certainly didn’t tell Alec about the kiss. Somehow, it was the kiss that stuck in Magnus’ mind, lingering just as heavy as the memory of watching someone he’d killed slowly realize they were dying. It hadn’t felt like something romantic.

It had been her showing him exactly how fucked he was. When Magnus kissed Alec later that night, he tried not to cringe at the feeling. If Alec noticed, he didn’t say anything about it. Magnus was thankful for it at the time.

Now, though, Magnus wished that Alec had noticed. He wished he’d asked what was wrong and refused to let Magnus push him away. He wished Alec had pushed him until he’d broken down and admitted it all.

Maybe, Magnus would have ended up in prison. He had killed someone, but maybe the police would have been able to help him, too. Either way, he was sure things would have ended up better than they did. Ragnor would have come to visit him. Alec too. Magnus never would have thought of being in prison as nice but it would have been.

Magnus envied that version of him, locked up and ignorant to just how bad things might have gotten if he hadn’t been.

The day passed in a weird amalgamation of fake normalcy. Magnus uncuffed Alec and let him go to the bathroom. After, he’d intended to cuff him back to the couch, but Alec had asked if he could have some coffee instead. Magnus nodded. When Alec sat at the counter with his mug, Magnus didn’t tell him not to. He could have cuffed him to the barstool if he really wanted but, thus far, Alec hadn’t moved to attack him or run outside, so Magnus let him sit, occasionally using his free hands to lift the mug to his lips.

Alec eyed him, as if daring Magnus to break whatever moment they were having and restrain him again. When he didn’t, Alec’s first instance of being unrestrained in Magnus’ house passed in silence. It was probably incredibly stupid for Magnus to loosen his control on Alec so easily, but he was hopeful that Alec understood the situation they were in now. If Alec wanted to leave, he’d have to hurt Magnus to do so. If he tried to leave, Magnus would have to hurt him in return to stop him.

Magnus wasn’t sure of much between him and Alec but he did know that neither of them wanted that. Yet, Alec wanted to leave and Magnus couldn’t let him. He wasn’t quite sure how that would possibly pan out, but coffee at the counter as they made small talk wasn’t that awful a start.

Alec, somewhat awkwardly, asked what Magnus had been doing recently. He struggled to answer and, after a long moment, Alec coughed and started telling him about how Izzy was dating this cute nerdy guy who Alec would never have thought she’d be into. He rambled on about it, clearly just trying to fill the silence with something.

Magnus and Izzy had always gotten along. They’d been friends towards the end, in a way that was more than just Magnus being nice to his boyfriend’s sister. He’d missed her for a while after everything happened. He’d lost more than just his boyfriend that day. He’d lost Ragnor. He’d lost Isabelle, who’d quickly become one of his best friends. The only one left had been Raphael and… well, it was a dark time for both of them. Magnus didn’t think he or Raphael had been a good influence on each other.

Without Ragnor, their anger ricocheted off each other and amplified itself. Maybe, that anger had never really gone away. It had just stewed and become something more essential. Magnus was still angry. How could be not be? Ragnor was gone and he had nothing else to do but sit and blame the person who’d taken him away, along with Alec and anything else good that Magnus had ever had.

“I missed you,” Magnus said aloud eventually. He hadn’t even been sure what Alec was saying before he cut him off. He was probably being rude, but he hadn’t exactly chosen to speak, either. The words had simply bubbled out and besides, they were something much more aligned with the truth than whatever odd conversation he and Alec had been having about siblings and partners.

“I missed you too,” Alec murmured after a long, quiet moment. He seemed reluctant to admit it. Magnus wondered why. Hewondered if it was a lie. He wondered if it mattered even a little bit if it wasn’t the truth.

He and Alec were soulmates. Magnus knew without a doubt that their story was supposed to end with them together, and yet, that wasn’t what happened. Did it matter that they’d missed each other, when considering everything else? No, it didn’t. If anything, it made everything even more tragic and the last thing Magnus needed was another tragic fucking story.

Magnus got up, moving to do the dishes. Alec sat behind him. Neither of them spoke, until Magnus finally turned and led Alec back into the living room, where he cuffed him to the couch yet again.

When he glanced down at his phone for the first time that morning, he had a message from Raphael. It read simply: ‘She’s pissed.’

Magnus shoved his phone into his pocket without answering. They’d known she would be. That was the point.

Magnus tried not to think about the night that everything changed. He and Raphael didn’t speak about it, even after all these years. They had never spoken about it. They probably never would.

Magnus was fine with that. He tried not to think about it. He tried not to think about what he could have done differently. He tried not to think about the countless mistakes he’d made. He tried not to think about the fact that it was all his fault, but at night, even after all these years, he still had nightmares about it.

He didn’t think he’d had a single nightmare since that didn’t involve Ragnor, Camille, Raphael and Alec. Every nightmare he had involved one of them; Ragnor most often, Alec coming in just behind and on the tail end were Camille and Raphael. Sometimes, he dreamt about what actually happened. He relived it night after night, though sometimes his head was much more creative.

He dreamed about things going differently. He dreamed about him and Alec making it work somehow. He dreamed that they’d stayed together. He dreamed of Ragnor at their wedding, giving a speech. Everything was always perfect and then, in the end, Camille always showed up again. Magnus dreamed that she shot Alec, Ragnor, and then, she shot him. Sometimes, Raphael was there. Sometimes not. Ragnor always died and Magnus’ dream always ended just as Camille raised a gun and shot him, too.

They say if you don’t wake up when you die in a dream, you die in real life. Magnus never had the pleasure of seeing if that was true or not. He always woke up just then, covered in sweat and gasping for air like he’d been holding his breath all night.

That night, with Alec cuffed on the couch for the second evening in a row, Magnus had that same dream. This time, though, he got to get up and stared at Alec from the doorway, watching his chest rise and fall in time. This time, Magnus got to get up and see that Alec was fine. He was alive. Camille had not come to kill him in the middle of the night.

That night, Magnus didn’t stay awake worrying until sunrise. He didn’t work himself up in circles, worried that something had actually happened to Alec and having to convince himself that Alec was probably fine and it was just a dream, having to remind himself that Alec didn’t want to hear from him, even if something was wrong.

But even watching Alec, there was something about the dream that lingered in Magnus’ head. There was something about Camille, something about the way she’d looked that Magnus couldn’t quite shake. He convinced himself that it was anxiety left over from the dream, that it was something about being the only one awake late at night, something about seeing Alec on his couch, something about the situation they were still trapped in.

He brushed it off, but staring at Alec, he felt a slow cold dread spreading in his stomach. For just a second, something occurred to him that hadn’t before, something that he shrugged off in the warm, comforting morning light.

What were the odds that Alec just happened to be there, guarding a shipment that was intended for Camille? One she’d have to know they’d want to sabotage, one she might have suspected they were looking into? What were the odds of that being an accident?

Magnus got himself a glass of water then went back to bed, where he struggled to sleep for a few more hours before he finally drifted off. He didn’t think about it again after that. Alec worked for a small, specialized company. There were only so many of them and, if you wanted the best security in New York, you’d call them. It made sense why Alec had been there. It wasn’t very coincidental at all, when Magnus really thought about it. The odds were rather high.

That was another mistake Magnus made. He should have thought about it a little more. He shouldn't have brushed off what occurred to him that night.

The next morning, he woke up and uncuffed Alec like he had the day before. They made breakfast together and sat silently, eating as if everything was normal. Magnus didn’t think about Camille once.

“So, you’re just going to keep me?” Alec asked evenly the next afternoon.

Magnus was sitting with a book propped open on his knees. He’d been pretending to read it and trying not to glance over to Alec, wondering what he was thinking about, when Alec finally spoke.

Magnus pressed his lips together and pointedly didn’t look up. He turned a page and found even more words that didn't seem to mean anything to him. “What else would you like me to do with you?” he asked.

Alec stared at him, his uncaring facade cracking. “You can’t just keep me. I’m not a pet you picked up.” Alec’s voice rose in anger. He hadn’t gotten angry with him since the day Magnus had first taken him. “I have a life, Magnus. I have a life outside of you and whatever criminal mess you’re constantly wrapped up in.”

Slowly, Magnus closed his book. He looked up to Alec, scanning his angry face. Alec looked like he expected him to be angry at his outburst in return, but Magnus wasn’t. Part of him wanted to breathe a sigh of relief. Being around Alec didn’t make any sense. Having breakfast with him, making small talk like nothing was wrong — none of it made any sense but this, this finally did.

“My other option is to kill you,” Magnus said softly. It could have been a threat. To anyone else being held hostage, it probably would have been, but Magnus didn’t mean it as one. He wasn’t trying to scare him. It was just the truth.

He couldn’t let him go. He was willing to do so much for Alec, but letting a witness who’d seen what Alec had seen go like nothing had happened was out of the question. Magnus couldn’t do that, not even for him.

Alec blinked as his words sunk in. The anger disappeared on his face. They stared at each other for a long moment before Alec, in an equally as soft tone, said, “So, what? I just stay here, tied to your couch every night? I never see my family again? No one knows where I am or what happened to me? I just disappear and stay trapped in your loft for the rest of my life?”

Magnus moved to put his book down on the coffee table. “That—” he said as he rose to his feet, “—or I could have someone shoot you.”

He stared at Alec, gauging his reaction. He was past the point of pretending he’d be able to do it himself. If Alec would rather that, Magnus could call Raphael and have him do it. Then, he would take a very long vacation and contemplate throwing himself off a bridge, like he had years before.

This time, Magnus might just go through with it. He wasn’t sure.

When Alec said nothing, Magnus went to go make them both a drink. For the first time since he’d gotten there, Alec accepted the whiskey that he was handed. He grimaced as he took the first sip and then downed the whole glass in one gulp and made a face after like it was the most disgusting thing he’d ever tasted.

“Another?” Magnus asked, half joking.

Alec handed his glass back with his uncuffed hand and nodded.

“How could you keep doing it?” Alec asked after a while, his words forced out like he couldn’t bear to hold them in any longer. He’d had more than a few drinks and Magnus had as well. Apparently, they were past the point of avoiding questions and holding back their words. At least, Alec was.

“What do you mean?” Magnus asked, pretending not to immediately understand the question.

“After what happened, how could you just keep doing it?” Alec looked up at Magnus, his eyes desperate for an answer, desperate to understand. Magnus wondered how long he’d wanted to ask Magnus that. He wondered if Alec would be disappointed at the truth.

Magnus shrugged one shoulder. He looked away. He was sick of looking at him. He was sick of the way his heart ached when he did. He could ignore it normally, but the alcohol made everything worse. Whiskey was his heartbreak drink and it was the only thing he’d drank for years after he and Alec stopped talking. Perhaps, choosing it again tonight hadn’t been a wise choice.

“Why would I stop?” he asked eventually. He dared a glance over. “I didn’t have you anymore. I didn’t have Ragnor.” Magnus knew his words were bitter. That wasn’t fair. It hadn’t been Alec’s fault they’d stopped talking. Neither of them had a choice, but that was the moment that Magnus’ life had irreparably changed. Burying Ragnor, losing Alec — what else did Magnus have to do besides get revenge? He had no one else to fight for, no one to change for, no better life to long for with anyone who mattered. Ragnor had been Magnus’ best friend, Alec his life. Without them, Magnus hadn’t cared anymore.

“I stopped caring. Nothing mattered anymore,” he summarized finally. He took a sip of his drink and then choked out a soft, bitter laugh. “I was dead, Alec. What else could I do?”

“You could have come back to me,” Alec murmured quietly. Magnus thought he was kidding but, when he looked up, Alec was staring back seriously, his eyes soft and hurt. “We could have run away together. You could have stopped. Everyone thought you were dead. You could’ve been anyone. I could have become anyone.” Alec fell silent as if he’d suddenly realized just how unrealistic that all would have been.

Not impossible, no. Some people did that. Some people left and managed to find a new life so disconnected from their old one that they never had to look back, but the odds of that having worked out for them were so slim. Alec’s family would have done anything to find him. They’d have followed him to the ends of the earth, even if he didn’t want them to.

They’d have gotten caught or recognized somewhere. Something would have gone wrong. It was a nice thought anyway, a nice thought now gone sour with age.

“I loved you so much,” Alec said finally.

“I loved you too,” Magnus responded.

Neither of them said anything else. There didn’t seem to be anything else to say. What was the point in thinking about how things could have been different? There wasn’t one, but Magnus understood anyway. It seemed so impossible that they’d ended up here and not in one of the millions of universes Magnus was sure existed where he and Alec were together and happy and where Ragnor wasn’t dead.

He didn’t think there was anyone who had ever loved someone as much as he loved Alec. It was truly astonishing that that hadn’t been enough.

Everything with Alec came to a head far before the night it actually happened. Perhaps, they had been doomed from the start and it hadn’t been Camille who’d ruined them at all. Magnus wasn’t sure and he wasn’t going to dedicate his time to rehashing it. What he did know was that they fought. They’d been together for about a year at that point, the happiest year of Magnus’ entire life still and up until that point, they’d never really fought before.

The only time they’d come close, they had been disagreeing about Magnus’ work with Camille. That’s what they fought about that day too and yet, the day had started so nicely. Ragnor was gone, leaving Alec and Magnus in their apartment all alone. They’d made out on the couch and done nothing but enjoy the presence of each other all morning. Those days were Magnus’ favorite. Even now, he’d look back and remember those mornings with Alec pressed against him as something sacred and blissful. He’d go there in his head when he needed an escape and he was weak enough to allow himself to.

Eventually, the kissing had come to an end and Magnus had told Alec that he was meeting Camille later. It was supposed to be Magnus’ day off, but he didn’t officially have days off and even when he tried to ask Camille not to call him on specific days, she only seemed more inclined to call him then, so he’d stopped asking.

Looking back on it, Camille had been jealous of Alec. She’d been jealous of Magnus’ devotion to him. Magnus was stupid and blinded when it came to her but he still loved Alec more than anything else and Camille hadn’t liked that one bit.

Alec had gotten mad at him. He’d told him that he didn’t like Camille or that Magnus was working for her, but Magnus had heard all of that before. He knew Alec didn’t like her. Then, Alec had said something Magnus hadn’t heard before.

“I found blood, you know,” Alec had snapped. “On your shirt after you came home last week.”

Magnus was sure he looked horrified when Alec’s words sunk in. He wasn’t that good at hiding his emotions back then. Alec had liked that, how open he was. Now, he could hide everything without even trying. He supposed he and Alec had that in common now.

“Whose blood was it?” Alec asked when Magnus failed to speak.

Magnus didn’t answer him. What was he supposed to say? That he’d shot someone? That he didn’t even know the guy's name? Instead, he turned and stormed out. He was angry but, truthfully, he wasn’t angry with Alec, even then. He was angry with himself and, for the first time, he was angry with Camille for making him do all of the things she had.

Magnus knew then that he was going to lose Alec. He’d thought for a while that Alec would realize Camille wasn’t all that bad and it would be fine, but that wasn’t the case. Camille wasn’t fine. What Magnus was doing with her wasn’t fine and if he didn’t do something about it, he was going to lose Alec.

Outside, Magnus just happened to run into Ragnor.

Magnus wondered a lot what would have happened if Ragnor hadn’t come home right then. Magnus would have left. Maybe, he’d have gone to confront Camille by himself. Camille might have shot him instead. Or maybe Magnus would have sat outside and calmed down enough to realize that was a horrible idea. Maybe, he’d have gone inside and told Alec everything instead and Alec would have convinced him to go to the police for help.

Magnus wasn’t sure, but either way, he was sure that Ragnor would still be alive. Magnus might have died in his place, but maybe he wouldn’t have. Maybe, he and Alec would have figured it all out and he would never have lost his best friend. Maybe, he and Alec would have been happy together for the rest of their lives, like they were supposed to be.

None of that was what happened.

Instead, Magnus sat in Ragnor’s car and broke down crying. Magnus didn’t tell Ragnor everything that had happened, but he managed to tell him about the first man he’d seen Camille shoot and that had seemed to be enough for him to understand. He didn’t tell him about the man Camille had forced him to shoot. He didn’t tell him about all the people who’d come after.

He’d been so scared Ragnor would hate him if he knew everything. He loved Ragnor so much. He looked up to him and admired everything he did and, for some reason, he looked at Magnus and saw something worth admiring back. He couldn’t deal with Ragnor hating him.

Ragnor paled at what little Magnus had managed to say, but he also didn’t look surprised. He didn’t look scared either and that calmed Magnus so much. Ragnor always knew what to do. He always took care of everything.

“We’re going to go to her and you’re going to give her the gun back and you’re going to tell her you’re done,” Ragnor said calmly.

Magnus had brushed his tears away and then nodded. If Ragnor said that’s what they’d do, then of course that’s what they’d do.

Looking back on it, Magnus wasn’t sure what Ragnor had been thinking. Magnus was pretty sure Ragnor had thought Camille wouldn’t hurt them. They, unlike the man she’d shot, had people who’d miss them. They had phones with location services on. They were even connected to Camille. Magnus had a photo of him, Camille, Alec and Ragnor in his room, taken back when Magnus had still thought Camille was everything she wasn’t.

They would be too messy to hurt. That’s probably what Ragnor had thought. She wouldn’t be that bold. They were safe. If Magnus went and told her he was done, that would be the end of it.

Magnus should have told Ragnor everything. He should have made sure he understood the scope of what was happening here, but he hadn’t. He was ashamed of how far he’d let it go and he didn’t want to tell Ragnor about what he’d done. So, he didn’t and even though he knew better, he started his car and he drove them to Camille’s, so Magnus could tell her he wasn’t working for her anymore and pretend that he thought that would go over well.

Magnus had understood the situation so much more than Ragnor did. He knew how unhinged Camille was. He knew how untouchable she’d made herself. He should have insisted that it was a bad idea. Ragnor would have trusted him if he had said it, but Magnus just wanted so desperately for someone else to tell him how to make this right.

He had never regretted being so selfish in his entire life. That moment where he decided to listen to Ragnor when he knew he shouldn’t, when he knew Ragnor didn’t understand how bad it was, haunted him like the rest of that day would.

Chapter Text

Magnus wasn’t sure how it happened. He wished he remembered it all. He wished he could remember every detail and who leaned in when, but all he could remember was sitting on the couch next to Alec, both of them half drunk, when suddenly they were kissing for the first time in years.

Magnus had been so bewildered by it that part of him was sure Alec leaned in and caught him off guard and the other part of him was convinced he’d leaned forward without thinking about it, drawn to Alec by some unconscious pull. Either was possible. God knows that Magnus had thought about kissing Alec since the moment they’d last stopped.

Even with all the time between them, even with everything about them gone sour, kissing Alec still felt like coming home. Kissing Alec made the world right itself. Kissing Alec made everything wrong fade until it was just them, as young as they had been the last time, as old as they’d ever be, kissing in some immortal plane of existence where nothing else mattered but their breath blending into one.

Magnus liked to think that he and Alec had both felt it that night. He liked to think that they were just drunk enough that nothing that had happened between them mattered anymore. He liked to think that they’d both leaned in at the same time and met in the middle somewhere, wordlessly agreeing that the alcohol was enough for them to pretend that they didn’t know what they were doing. He liked to pretend it wasn’t just him, desperate to feel Alec again but, truthfully, he wasn’t sure.

They didn’t pull away until they were both panting and breathless. Magnus wrenched away from him, gasping for air like he’d been underwater. He hadn’t even noticed he wasn’t breathing. If Alec hadn’t shifted, Magnus was sure he’d have kept kissing him forever. He was sure he’d have let himself pass out before pulling away from him for a single moment.

He looked at Alec and saw his red, glistening lips and his wide eyes and he remembered how many times they’d done this before, back when kisses were exchanged between them freely, not yet something to cherish so closely. He remembered Alec looking younger than he did now, his face softer, his smile brighter, his hands a little less tense where Magnus hadn’t even noticed they’d moved to clutch Magnus’ knee.

One of Alec’s wrists was tied to the couch, but the other held him firm for a moment, desperate to keep him close before Alec uncurled his fingers and slowly pulled his hand back.

They both blinked, not daring to move away, their breath brushing across each other’s cheeks. He couldn’t have been more than a few inches apart. Magnus could see every detail of Alec’s face. He could see the scar on Alec’s eyebrow, the one he’d gotten after slamming his head on his headboard the day they’d crawled into Alec’s covers for the first time and dared to touch each other a little more than they ever had before.

Magnus suddenly felt startlingly sober and, if Alec’s expression was anything to go by, he wasn’t the only one.

Magnus shifted back an inch and that seemed to break whatever was happening between them. Alec shifted too, moving backwards and looking down to his lap as if the sight of Magnus sitting there was suddenly unbearably painful.

Magnus should stand up. He should say that he was going to bed. He should leave Alec here like he had the night before. He should let this moment slip into what it was; something of the past, something they couldn’t do anymore. They were not this. They couldn’t have this. Magnus had known that for so long and he’d tried to accept it, but how could Magnus accept it when Alec was so close? When he could still feel the ghost of Alec’s lips against his own?

How easy would it be to just lean in again and…

Magnus reached for Alec’s turned away jaw. Alec came easily into his hand, as if he’d just been waiting for Magnus to touch him again and pull him forward. Their lips met and Magnus could remember nothing else that night, except their lips on each other, coming together again and again like the inevitable crash of the waves upon shore.

They could have kissed for hours. They could have kissed all night. There was no rational thought in Magnus’ head. There was nothing but Alec, finally Alec.

When Magnus woke up, he and Alec were both sprawled in his bed. Alec’s long limbs were stretched across the bed and Magnus was curled into his side. He’d always fit so perfectly there and that hadn’t changed. Even after all this time, Magnus’ body was still made to fit into Alec’s, where he belonged.

They were both completely dressed but, somehow, that felt even more intimate. It was the first night that Magnus hadn’t cuffed Alec to the couch and it was the first night that Alec had a chance to leave while Magnus slept but didn’t.

Magnus shifted and pulled himself out of bed, the night before still lingering in his mind. When Alec woke up, Magnus didn't cuff him again. It felt significant somehow, but he didn’t point that out aloud and neither did Alec. Perhaps, it was easier for them both to pretend that this wasn’t happening. It was easier to ignore whatever shift had happened last night. It was easier to pretend that Alec was not here of his own free will because he was now, wasn’t he?

Alec could have left. He could still leave. He’d be bombarded with police and he’d be forced to explain what had happened that night, but he could go. Magnus knew now that he wouldn’t stop him. There was no world in which Magnus let Raphael kill Alec. He’d let him go, but Alec didn’t leave. Magnus found it hard to be surprised by that, but he also didn’t quite know how to handle it. It had been painfully simple before. Alec was Magnus’ hostage and now… well, now what were they?

It was romantic in a twisted way that tugged at Magnus’ heart. Alec gave him hope that he knew he shouldn’t feel. It made him want to invite Alec back into bed. It made him want to curl against Alec’s chest again and trace his fingers across his skin. It made Magnus want to pull him into another kiss.

He didn’t do any of that but, that morning, he knew he could. That was almost worse.

Raphael showed up suddenly, as he often did. He didn’t bother with a text to let Magnus know he was coming, nor did he wait after he knocked to hear that he was allowed to come in. He simply knocked once and then opened the door, walking in with a critical gaze as if he was expecting to catch Magnus and Alec in the middle of something he didn’t want to see but wanted proof of anyway.

They were in the kitchen. Magnus was sitting at the counter and Alec, uncuffed and clearly not being held against his will, was cooking eggs. Alec looked up and faltered the moment he saw Raphael’s face. He had to have recognized him. Raphael was older now, no longer looking like the boy he’d been when Alec had seen him last, but there was no mistaking the glare of Raphael’s face for anyone else.

Alec glanced at Magnus, his lips set in a deep frown. He didn’t seem to know if they were about to get in trouble or not. He didn’t seem to know if Raphael could get them in trouble or not.

Magnus rolled his eyes and rose to his feet. “Eggs, Raphael?” he called over casually.

Slowly, Alec turned back to his eggs and then jumped to flip one as he realized it was on the verge of burning.

Raphael shifted around Magnus’ counter without responding. He moved his hands carefully like he was scared to touch Magnus’ things and tarnish his perfectly clean suit with the invisible grime of Magnus' apartment, which he clearly thought existed. Finally, he came to stand beside Magnus. He stared at Alec’s back. When he turned to Magnus again, he seemed to have come to the decision that he was going to ignore Alec’s presence entirely.

“We’ve been invited to a banquet tonight. It would look odd if you didn’t come,” Raphael informed him blankly.

Magnus hummed softly. “Are you saying I have to go?” he asked.

“Yes.” Raphael’s eyes drifted back to Alec again. “If you can find a babysitter that is.”

Magnus could tell by the way that Alec stiffened that he knew Raphael was talking about him, but when Alec didn’t turn around or say anything, Magnus sighed. “Alec will be fine here on his own, I’m sure.” Magnus looked up at Raphael and quirked an eyebrow. “If I really have to go, that is.”

“You do,” Raphael said without looking.

Magnus knew he probably didn’t actually have to go, but it would look good for him to go with Raphael and play nice with a bunch of their associates. Besides, for him to be seen in public like nothing had happened was also a plus and then there was the fact that Raphael wasn’t that good at playing nice, at least not like Magnus was. Technically, Magnus knew he didn’t have to go, but he should.

He was also well aware that Raphael could have texted him this, but instead he’d shown up at his door unannounced. Magnus glanced to Raphael once again and caught him still staring at Alec. Clearly, Raphael was a little concerned about Alec’s very-much-still-alive-and-not-being-held-captive presence.

When Alec turned uncertainly with the food, Magnus gestured for him to come forward and sit. He was determined to pretend that everything was normal. He certainly wasn’t going to acknowledge just how odd this entire situation was. If Raphael wanted to say something, he could.

Though, Magnus would prefer he not. Whatever Alec and he were doing right now was nice. He really didn’t need Raphael ruining that.

“Food, Raphael?” he asked again.

Raphael glared at him like he’d said something distasteful before he was shaking his head once and turning towards the door. “Tonight at five,” he informed him as he left. “I’ll send you the address.”

Raphael didn’t turn around to glance back at them and, when the door slammed shut, Magnus and Alec were both left staring at each other in silence. Magnus shifted, moving to grab a fork. Alec followed his lead and, after a while, Alec finally opened his mouth, but what he said was not anything Magnus would have expected.

“Would you need a bodyguard tonight?” Alec asked without looking up.

Magnus startled as he glanced up to his face. He could always use a bodyguard. His line of work was dangerous. A lot of people didn’t like him. There was always the vague threat of Camille trying something. The answer was undoubtedly yes, but that wasn’t really what Magnus was considering after Alec’s words finally sank in.

He was really thinking about the fact that Alec had never wanted to do this. Alec had never wanted to be part of any of this. Had he asked Alec to come work for him before all of this, Alec probably would have laughed and then slammed the door in his face, but here and now, what other options did Alec have? What other options had Magnus given him? If he didn’t want to sit in Magnus’ loft for the rest of his life pretending he was there against his will, his only other option was to embrace this and try to find something useful for him to do, so he didn’t die of boredom. Alec had always been one that needed something useful to do. He’d never liked time off. He’d never liked downtime.

“I could, if you’re offering,” Magnus said finally. He spoke confidently, but in his head he was less sure. He wanted to tell Alec that he didn’t have to. He wanted to tell him that he knew he didn’t want to do this and that they’d figure something else out, but there was no place for Alec anymore that wasn’t entangled with Magnus and, unfortunately, Magnus’ life came along with all the gruesome things Alec had never wanted to do.

Alec should have died that night that Magnus had taken him from the warehouse. Magnus should have left him to die and he should have forgotten every bit of the past along with him, but Alec was here and this was the consequence.

Later that evening, Alec dressed himself in a suit that had been Ragnor’s. It was tight in the shoulders, but Ragnor and Alec had always had a similar build and now, it was years later and Alec had gotten bigger, finally filling out into the body of a man and not the teenager Magnus had known so long ago.

He looked good. He looked breathtakingly good. The only other time Magnus had ever known Alec to wear a suit was at his funeral, the one he was unable to attend. He’d always wondered what Alec looked like. Now, Magnus knew he’d have looked like this, with baby cheeks and hair that fell across his face no matter how much product Izzy gave him.

Magnus handed him a gun before they left and Alec slipped it into his back pocket without a word.

It was obvious the moment Magnus arrived that he was under Alec’s protection. He had almost forgotten that it had been Alec’s job to do exactly this — guard people, guard things, carry a gun around and protect stuff that needed protecting. Of course, Alec would take this just as seriously as he would an actual job he was hired to do.

Magnus walked around and made polite pleasantries. When people spoke to Alec, he’d nod and smile, but few did. It was clear by the way that Alec stood behind Magnus, his shoulders tense and his eyes alert, that he was not there for social interaction. Most chose to ignore him entirely or murmur to Magnus about how handsome he was, as if Alexander couldn’t possibly hear them from just a few feet away.

At first, Magnus thought that Raphael had tricked him into coming so that he didn’t have to, but after a few minutes, Magnus eventually ran into him. For a moment, he thought that Raphael was wearing the same suit he had been earlier, but when he looked closer he saw that this one had a touch more gray where the other suit had been mostly black. Raphael’s closet seemed to have an endless array of suits.

Truthfully, he focused on scrutinizing Raphael’s suit because he didn’t want to look at his face and see the expression he was giving Magnus. Raphael glanced to Alec with a tight, angry expression before looking to Magnus again. He most likely hadn’t considered that Magnus would bring him. Honestly, Magnus hadn’t considered it either, until Alec had offered.

“You brought him?” Raphael hissed when they were close enough.

“He’s my bodyguard,” Magnus insisted seriously. “That was his job before, you know.”

“Yeah, until you kidnapped him.”

Magnus rolled his eyes. He and Raphael disagreed on Alec greatly. They hadn’t spoken about it aloud. They hadn’t really had a chance yet. They hadn’t been alone together since Magnus had taken Alec so long ago and, truthfully, Magnus had been hoping to avoid being alone with Raphael so he could avoid this very conversation at all costs.

“He’s an asset and he offered,” Magnus snapped. “He’s fine.”

Raphael gave him a look that let him know that he did not think it was fine. He didn’t need to tell Magnus that he didn’t trust Alec. He thought Magnus was blindsided by what he and Alec used to be. He thought Magnus still had feelings for him and he thought that Alec was far more over it than Magnus himself was.

If Alec’s lips on his the night before were anything to go by, Magnus disagreed. Alec did not seem to be over it. There was a reason Alec hadn't tried to leave. There was a reason Alec hadn’t gone to the police. There was a reason Alec was here, carrying a gun even though he’d never wanted to before, not for Magnus at least.

It wasn’t because Alec was over it, that was for sure. Raphael just didn’t understand that. He only loved one person and that was his boyfriend, Simon, who Raphael kept as far away from all of this as he possibly could. Magnus was pretty sure he’d only met Simon once or twice himself, despite all the years they’d known each other.

Raphael had not dealt with having to leave the love of your life. He had not dealt with losing your best friend, your boyfriend, and your life in the same moment. He hadn’t stayed awake late at night dreaming of a life he couldn’t have for years, just to finally get a glimpse of that life now, in this impossible situation.

Raphael didn’t understand. He never would.

Despite the social obligation of being forced to attend this event, Magnus still found himself using it as an excuse to drink and have fun. He tried to offer Alec a cocktail at least five times, but Alec declined each and every time, clearly finding his task of protecting him from anyone with ill intentions much more important.

Magnus would be lying to say he wasn’t charmed. He was charmed by anything Alec did, honestly, but now he was charmed and just slightly drunk. Magnus was destined to do something horribly embarrassing before the night was over and he knew it. He was feeling too drawn in by Alec and his serious eyes that flicked around the party instead of focusing on Magnus at all.

Though, Alec seemed more concerned about Magnus literally stumbling than someone bursting from the shadows to attack him. As the night wore on and he found himself particularly intoxicated, Alec started hovering just a few steps closer than he had been before, his arms posed as if to catch him if he fell, but only ever when Alec thought Magnus wouldn’t notice him doing so.

It was sweet. Everything about Alec was so sweet. He’d always been so fucking sweet and it broke Magnus’ heart.

Magnus was drunk and he was in love. Those two things had never amounted to anything good in his life. The last time he’d been heartbroken, he’d started a war with Camille that had yet to reach its conclusion. Some would say he had poor judgement when he was heartbroken.

Sometimes, Magnus wondered why Camille hadn’t shot him. She’d had so many chances to. She should have killed him and yet, she hadn’t. She’d killed Ragnor instead and then every chance she had to put Magnus out of his misery, she smiled and walked away. He wondered if she would have shot him, had she known just what a problem he and Raphael would become for her. Probably. It didn’t matter.

Magnus was alive, Ragnor was dead, and Alec was… here.

Alec was finally here.

Magnus swayed into Alec’s shoulder, who wrapped an arm around him instantly. His sweet caring eyes shifted down to Magnus as he held him close, holding him up with such a tender touch that it almost made Magnus want to cry. Alec clearly thought that Magnus had just drank too much. It was true. He had drank far, far too much but he’d leaned into Alec on purpose.

He’d spent so long without him. He’d missed him every moment of every single day they’d been without each other. Some days, it had felt as if Magnus couldn’t bare another single moment away from him and yet, he’d had to.

Now, Alec was here and Magnus had never loved him more desperately. He was not going to let him go again. He and Raphael would take care of Camille and Magnus would finally be free. This could all be behind him and, in the end, Magnus would have Alec. All he had ever wanted was Alec.

It had seemed so impossible to think that way when he was sober. Everything was cloudy and complicated but, drunk, Magnus could see everything clearly for the first time. It was so simple. It was almost over. Things were finally coming to an end and Ragnor would be dead forever, but Alec was alive and maybe things could finally be okay if he and Alec could just stay together.

He didn’t understand how they’d ever let the world part them. It was inconceivable to him now, standing with Alec’s arm gently around his shoulders. He let himself be supported and, when his brain finally snapped out of his thoughts, he realized that Alec was speaking to him.

“Should we go?” Alec was murmuring softly. His hand rubbed at Magnus’ shoulder and Magnus felt tears prick his eyes at the carasses. He’d never been a drunk crier, but he felt like he might become one now. “You’ve had a lot to drink.”

Magnus nodded wordlessly. He could find no words. His throat was suddenly very tight and he was scared that if he spoke, his voice would betray the sudden emotion that had come into him and that if Alec asked what was wrong, he might in fact start crying on the spot.

Magnus wasn’t drunk enough to not know how horribly embarrassing that would be.

Somehow, he managed to make it outside with Alec without bursting into tears or tripping over his own feet on the way. It was a miracle he’d made it that far, but on the threshold of the steps, shrouded in darkness, Magnus lurched to a stop and pulled Alec with him.

Alec might have looked confused or concerned, but Magnus didn’t notice. He didn’t notice anything really. He just crushed their lips together and when they finally parted, Alec’s eyes were wide and Magnus’ cheeks had tears streaming down them. He didn’t even notice that he’d started crying until they pulled away and he saw the bewildered expression on Alec’s face as he took it in.

“You’re drunk,” he said softly. His hands were still holding Magnus up at his waist, resting steady and firm. Magnus knew if he swayed into Alec’s hands, he would be there to catch him without missing a beat.

“I missed you so much,” Magnus rushed out unprompted. He’d thought it over and over again, but until now, he’d had enough mind to keep those kinds of thoughts in his head. Alec didn’t need to know that Magnus yearned for him everyday. Alec didn’t need to know that he had dreamed of him countless times and woken crying when he realized Alec was not in fact filling the space beside him. “I’m drunk, but I missed you. I missed you every day,” he rambled.

Alec paused, blinking for just a second as he took in what Magnus was saying. He looked hesitant and taken aback, but when he finally spoke, that hesitance eased off his face with the clarity of the words. “I missed you too,” he hushed. He leaned forward slowly and then all at once when Magnus didn’t move away and pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead. “I’m not leaving,” he promised as he rested his forehead against Magnus’, where his skin was still warm from Alec’s lips. “I’m never leaving you again.”

Alec spoke with absolute resolution and, though Magnus was drunk, he knew at once that he meant it. Alec was never one to say something and not mean it. As Alec pulled him towards their car, Magnus was left wondering exactly what he’d done to earn the devotion of anyone half as good as Alec. He was certain he’d never done anything to deserve it. Magnus thought that maybe in a past life he’d been different. Maybe, things had happened differently for him and he’d been fair and kind and he’d deserved the love of Alexander Lightwood.

Magnus knew that here, in this life, he did not deserve it, but he was too selfish to ever push it away, even if he was smart enough to know that he should. If he had pushed Alec away, things probably would have ended differently for them all, but he didn’t and he never would. Magnus wasn’t that strong. He never had been, at least not when it came to Alec.

Alec’s siblings came over a few days after the party. Alec had hesitantly asked if they could and Magnus had nodded just as hesitantly. It was an odd thing to figure out. Alec was not a captive and yet, he was not free to leave either. All in all, Alec’s request was a reasonable one. He needed his siblings for this to work. Magnus knew that.

Shortly after, Alec called them and told them to come over. Though they lived over an hour away, (Magnus didn’t volunteer that he knew this off the top of his head) they showed up in forty five minutes. Magnus was pretty sure they had to have sped the entire way there.

Alec opened the door and, suddenly, his sister was there, launching herself at his chest and clinging to him. Alec’s brother, Jace, stood behind her, watching before he too rushed forward and put his arms around Alec, when he seemed to realize Alec was in fact there and it wasn’t all some elaborate trick.

Magnus looked away. Even in his own house, he felt like it was intrusive to watch something so tender take place.

That was something he’d always admired about Alec. He loved people so fiercely. He had never felt love like that until he’d met Alec. Granted, he’d been too young to really realize just how special Alec was until he was gone but, older now, Magnus understood.

Alec loved the people he loved with everything he had. Magnus knew that Alec would do anything for his siblings and now, somehow, he had been allowed back into that circle of people Alec kept close.

Alec would do anything for him yet again. Somehow, that didn’t quite feel right.

Magnus didn’t feel like he deserved that kind of devotion, but he was hoping someday he might. That feeling of inadequacy was only amplified when Isabelle looked up, caught sight of Magnus standing there and looked utterly horrified. Jace followed her eyes and his expression hardened, souring instantly.

Magnus smiled bitterly. He knew that they wouldn’t be thrilled at the sight of him. Alec had admitted that he’d told them everything that had happened years ago. He’d told them what Magnus was doing and what he continued to do today. He’d told them about the blood on Magnus’ clothes and about Camille. Magnus couldn’t be mad at him for it. Even for something as serious as that, he wouldn’t expect Alec to lie to his family.

That didn’t mean he was thrilled to be facing the wrath of Alec’s siblings. Magnus was pretty sure Jace wouldn’t punch him, but Isabelle Lightwood was a force to be reckoned with. Magnus had known it even years ago, when she’d seemed so much younger than them.

Isabelle came forward suddenly and before Magnus could even ready himself, she was slapping him across the face and then pulling him into a tight hug.

Magnus couldn’t even help the laugh that bubbled up from his lips. His cheek stung and his heart felt so heavy that it might burst. He’d missed Alec’s sister and he hadn’t even realized it. He’d been so consumed with missing Alec that he hadn’t noticed he’d missed everything else.

They’d been his family once. Magnus had never had his own family before. His mother had died when he was young. His father had always been absent. He had grown up in foster homes with no one to care for him. His family had always been Ragnor,then Alec and his family.

Magnus had lost them all. He’d lost Ragnor and Alec and everyone at all who had ever cared for him. Even Raphael, he’d lost that day. Raphael never said it aloud, but he blamed Magnus for what happened to Ragnor and that was something he could never be forgiven for. Raphael was there for him, but he kept him at an arm's length.

He and Raphael were colleagues united by a common goal and that’s all they were. Maybe someday when their goal was complete and Camille was dead, Raphael would finally leave him behind altogether.

Needless to say, Magnus couldn’t remember the last time someone hugged him. It had been a long, long time, that was sure. Ragnor had probably been the last, hugging Magnus with one arm in the car that day before they’d gone to Camille. He hadn’t even remembered what it felt like anymore, until now when he was experiencing it. Magnus wrapped his arms around Isabelle and, for a moment, he let himself do nothing else.

He’d missed them so much he could cry.

Alec’s siblings were not happy that he was suddenly staying with Magnus and that the entire world had presumed Alec was dead. Magnus couldn’t blame them. They talked about how the police had come to see them, asking about Alec and, after a while, explaining why exactly they had questions about Alec. Everyone had seen what happened to the warehouse. It was on the news the next morning. It was easy to figure out what happened, knowing what Magnus did for a living and knowing that Alec was suddenly hiding, staying with Magnus and okay with it.

Magnus didn’t think anyone would be happy to hear their brother was suddenly staying with a dangerous criminal that he had once loved, but they all knew things were more complicated than that. Isabelle gravitated towards her brother the whole time she was there, looking as if she was debating slapping him like she had Magnus or pulling him into yet another hug.

Jace himself was a bit more mad about it all. He stayed away from Magnus, who couldn’t blame him for the cold shoulder. He heard Jace whispering to Alec in the kitchen that they’d leave and talk to the police and sort it all out.

Alec didn’t respond at first and Magnus wondered if he was thinking about it. He wouldn’t stop him if that’s what he chose to do and they both knew it. They were long past pretending Magnus would hurt Alec if he dared to leave.

“I still love him, Jace,” Alec whispered finally.

“You loved him before. You never stopped loving him,” Jace snapped harshly. “That doesn’t change anything. He’s dangerous, Alec. Surely you’re not stupid enough to have forgotten that?”

Instantly, Alec turned on Jace with an expression Magnus guessed was murderous, “He killed everyone I worked with. Of course I haven’t forgotten that.”

Isabelle walked into the kitchen then, not knowing what conversation she was interrupting. Jace and Alec both dropped it and later, Jace begrudgingly left without Alec. Magnus pretended not to notice the furious look he shot Alec before he left, just like he pretended not to hear Isabelle whisper for him to be safe.

They all knew he wasn’t being safe. They all knew that being with Magnus meant he was not safe. What she really meant was, ‘Don’t let yourself die for him like Ragnor did. Save yourself, if you ever have to choose.’

Magnus had a sick feeling in his stomach that night when Alec kissed him. He should have told Alec to go with his siblings. Alec probably would have listened to him, if Magnus insisted.

Instead, Magnus said nothing and Alec stayed.

Chapter Text

Ragnor and Magnus drove to Camille’s in silence. Magnus texted her that he was coming to talk to her. She hadn’t responded, but she’d seen the message and she hadn’t told Magnus not to come, which either meant she was okay with it or didn’t care enough to tell him that she wasn’t home.

Camille was tricky like that, but when they pulled up to her house the lights were on and Magnus saw her car parked in the yard. She was home, then. Ragnor seemed to think that was a good thing. Magnus tried to convince himself that he believed it even though his heart sank the moment he saw her car there.

He’d been hoping she wouldn’t be there. He’d been hoping he wouldn’t be able to go in and they’d have to drive away and think of something else to do. He’d been hoping something would stop them on their way over. He’d been hoping they’d get into a car accident. Anything, really. He’d been hoping anything would happen.

Nothing did. They arrived at Camille’s without issue.

There was a lot that Magnus had never said to Ragnor. Sitting outside of Camille’s house, that had been his last chance. That had been his last chance to open his mouth and tell Ragnor that he knew this was a horrible idea. That was his last chance to tell Ragnor something bad was going to happen inside. That was his last chance to tell Ragnor anything he’d been far too ashamed to admit aloud.

Ragnor would have listened to him. That was the thing. A lot of people would have brushed Magnus’ concerns off and assumed he was overreacting, but Ragnor wouldn’t have. He would have listened. Magnus wouldn’t have even had to explain everything. All he had to do was open his mouth and tell him that they needed to drive away. It would have been that easy.

They parked outside of Camille’s house and Magnus opened his door without another word. Up to that point, he’d still thought that he’d go inside alone. He’d assumed that Ragnor was going to wait outside for him and that if he never came back out, Ragnor would know enough to drive away.

He’d leave and call the police. It would be too late for Magnus, but Ragnor would be safe. When Magnus actually stepped out of the car, though, Ragnor threw his door open and followed him. For a moment, Magnus was too shocked to say anything. Then, he fumbled out, “You can’t come with me.”

Ragnor closed his door and calmly started to make is way up Camille’s driveway, towards the door. “I’m not letting you go alone,” he said simply.

Magnus stood there dead in his tracks for far too long of a moment. That was his last chance. That was his last shot to do anything to save Ragnor’s life. He should have insisted that Ragnor stay behind. He should have put himself in front of Ragnor and stopped him. He should have pushed him back. He should have yelled and demanded he stay outside. He should have done anything to stop him. He should have fought with him like his life depended on it. At that point, though, Magnus hadn’t known enough to try.

Part of him had still thought it would be fine. Ragnor couldn’t die. Nothing could ever happen to him. Except, Magnus also knew exactly how much danger Ragnor would be in walking inside that house. He’d known. Even if he wanted to pretend it wasn’t true, part of him had known exactly what would happen to Ragnor if he went inside with him.

But Magnus didn’t want to go inside alone. He didn’t want to walk inside by himself and confront Camille. He didn't want to be there. He wanted to go home. He wanted to go find Alec and tell him it was all over. He wanted to curl up on the couch with Ragnor and watch some stupid movie and know that everything was okay again.

He wanted Ragnor with him. He wanted Ragnor beside him to make him do it. He wanted to know that someone else who had his back was with him and that he wasn’t alone to be twisted by Camille’s manipulation, like he had been so many times before. Magnus just wanted Ragnor. Everything was better with him there and if he was there, maybe Camille wouldn’t seem all that scary anymore. Maybe with Ragnor, Camille would just seem like a person and not some mythical beast he didn’t have the tools to conquer on his own.

Ragnor would be fine. The thought of him suddenly not being there was as inconceivable as the moon suddenly blinking out of existence. It didn’t make any sense. Magnus’ world could not exist without him in it. He couldn’t function without knowing he was there. There was simply no reality in which Magnus Bane woke up the next day and Ragnor Fell did not.

That’s probably why Magnus didn’t do anything to stop him. If he knew what was going to happen, he’d have stopped at nothing to save Ragnor, but he didn’t know and to the dumb, naïve version of Magnus who walked into Camille’s house that day, there wasn’t a world in which Ragnor didn’t walk out.

If anything, he had thought he would be the one who didn’t walk out. He was the one who was leaving Camille. He was the one upsetting her. Ragnor would be fine - except he wouldn’t be and by the time Magnus realized it, it was far too late to insist Ragnor stay back.

They both walked inside together and merely twenty minutes later, Magnus was the only one who walked back out and, when he did, he was drenched in blood that was not his own and trembling all over.

Camille had been the one to shoot Ragnor, but that wasn’t the story people would tell. Camille Belcourt didn’t exist. Camille was a ghost. She was an illusive figment that could vanish into nothing. Magnus Bane had walked inside of that house that day and Ragnor Fell had died, shot by a gun that was exactly like the one Magnus himself owned.

Of course they all believed he did it.

Magnus broke his leg once. He was ten and even though the world had kicked him around quite a bit, he still hadn’t quite lost whatever ambitious spark he had that Ragnor always said got him in trouble. Even back then when they’d been so young, Ragnor would roll his eyes at Magnus’ antics before he inevitably gave in and followed Magnus into whatever catastrophe he was creating.

Ragnor would oppose him just enough so that when it went wrong, he could pretend it was all Magnus’ fault and that he hadn’t been just as excited about it as Magnus was, only better at hiding it.

The day Magnus broke his leg was not one of those days. The day he broke his leg was one of the very rare times that he was scared and Ragnor pushed him to go farther anyway.

They’d jumped on a train together and, though that was something they’d get rather good at in the years to come, the first time they’d ever done it had been scary. Well, it hadn’t been scary at first. When they got on the train, it was fine. The train had just been taking off. It was barely moving on the tracks when they jumped and landed sprawled on their hands and knees in the empty train car.

They hadn’t considered what would happen when they had to get off the train. It was a mistake that only two ten year olds could make. Of course, if they jumped on, they’d have to jump off at some point, but they hadn’t considered that and when it started to get dark and the train showed no signs of slowing down, they realized that they had to jump off. The only other option they had was staying on and ending up in a different state. Their foster parents would call the police, thinking they’d run away. They’d get in so much trouble.

Ragnor told Magnus that he had to jump and Magnus, even with tears in his eyes, had nodded. Ragnor promised him that it would be fine. He told him to jump and roll when he hit the ground, so he wouldn’t get hurt. He said they’d land fine and they’d stop and get a snack on the way home.

Magnus didn’t have much of a choice.

Ragnor went first and he remembered vividly watching his body disappear beyond the tracks. He saw the blur of Ragnor’s sweater before the train car sped away, leaving him completely alone.

Magnus’ least favorite thing was being alone. He’d always been so scared of being left behind. That’s why he didn’t hesitate. He swallowed any fear left in his chest and he jumped out of the train car before he could even orient himself and remember how he was supposed to land.

All he wanted was to hit the ground and see Ragnor again. All he wanted was to be with him again, safe on the ground and not standing in a dark train car that was slowly speeding farther and farther away. He didn’t twist himself like Ragnor had. He didn’t try to roll. When he hit the ground, he hit the ground hard and, in his screaming ears, he’d heard an unmistakable snap as one of his legs twisted the wrong way.

Ragnor carried Magnus for three hours, until they broke through the woods and the isolated tracks they’d been following vanished as they found themselves yet again in civilization. He cried the whole time and though he knew Ragnor had had a hard time carrying him, he never said it.

Ragnor had felt horrible. He’d felt like it was his fault. Magnus had known he’d get hurt, but Ragnor had told him to do it anyway and Magnus had listened. He’d always listen when Ragnor said something.

He remembered thinking of it that day, after Ragnor was already dead. He remembered Ragnor’s stony face as he carried Magnus through the woods. He remembered his tears soaking into Ragnor’s neck and he remembered Ragnor trying to distract him the entire time. Ragnor told him there would be snacks at the hospital. He told him he’d get to pick what color he wanted for a cast. He told him not to look at his broken, mangled leg.

It wasn’t very similar. Magnus had grown and healed after that. His leg had eventually been fine and his life had not been halted because Ragnor pushed him to jump off a train when he’d been scared, but it still reminded him of everything that had happened, somehow.

Magnus had known he’d get hurt and he hadn’t said anything. Magnus had known one of them would die and he hadn’t said anything. He just hadn’t thought it would be Ragnor. He’d thought it would him.

Ragnor blamed himself for Magnus getting hurt that day, but it had never been his fault. He had really thought he could do it. Magnus was the one who knew better.

Camille was just as inviting as she always was when Magnus stopped by. The door was unlocked and when he and Ragnor walked in, she was nowhere in sight. Magnus had looked around her home, the one he’d once been so impressed by, and he’d seen it for what it was — a very fancy, grand hotel of a house. Magnus doubted it was even in her name. Actually, he knew it wasn’t in her name.

That was how she got away with everything. That was how Magnus got away with everything, later, when he had to. There was no Camille Belcourt who lived in New York. There was no paper-trail to follow after her. She was nothing, no one. It didn’t matter what she did. It didn’t matter who she killed or where. She did not exist. Someone without a name couldn’t be charged with anything if they couldn’t be followed, if they couldn’t be caught — if they vanished like they’d never been there to begin with.

There were three of them in the house that day, but really there were only two. Camille Belcourt did not exist. Magnus Bane was caught on camera, getting in a car outside his apartment with Ragnor Fell. They were both caught on camera driving towards the house where Ragnor Fell would soon be found dead.

Camille had not been caught on any cameras. It was clear someone was living in the house. Someone had paid for it. Someone with a name and a social security number had bought it, but that person wasn’t real. The documents were all fake and the trail went cold as quickly as it was looked into.

Magnus’ trail was less than cold. He had a history of trouble. He’d been arrested for petty crimes as a child. He’d grown up in foster care and everyone knew what happened to kids like that. He’d even been seen around the area of another shooting a few months earlier, one that happened in a warehouse and, wouldn’t you know it, the bullet that struck the man in the head there matched the exact bullet that had entered Ragnor Fell’s temple and killed him on the spot.

Who cared who had owned the house? Who cared where the money to buy it had actually come from? Who cared about the testimony of some kid named Alec, who frantically told the police a story about a mysterious woman who didn’t exist?

They had more than enough evidence to put out a warrant out for Magnus’ arrest. That had been the point. Camille had been setting him up the entire time and he had just been too stupid to see it. Ragnor was just the last piece Camille needed to really fuck him over.

You couldn’t go back to a normal life when you were wanted for murdering your best friend. You couldn’t go to the police and turn in someone who didn’t exist when you would be the only one ending up behind bars.

Camille had thought she was trapping him. She’d thought she was making him stay and if she had framed Magnus for killing anyone but Ragnor, it probably would have worked. Magnus would have kept working for her. He would have been too scared to do anything else and the lure of Camille’s protection would have been too strong for him to go anywhere else, but Camille had fucked up in choosing to kill Ragnor that day. She’d fucked up with it all. She’d vastly miscalculated.

Without Ragnor, Magnus didn’t care anymore. He didn’t have his best friend. He’d lost the love of his life because how could he go back to him when he was on every news station, wanted for murder? Magnus could get shot, he could get arrested — it didn’t matter anymore. None of it mattered. Ragnor Fell was dead and Magnus was never going to get to see Alec Lightwood again.

The only thing Magnus cared about was putting a bullet in Camille’s head. He hadn’t known then that it would take years of maneuvering and side stepping to finally get there, but he’d been fine with a long game anyway. It wasn’t like he had anything better to be doing. As long as their entire story ended with Magnus shooting Camille in the face, he didn’t care how they got there.

That night, he left his best friend’s body to grow cold alone and while the news was announcing that Magnus Bane was wanted in connection to murder, Magnus himself went to find Raphael.

The next day, Magnus and Ragnor’s apartment was part of a murder investigation and Magnus Bane was long gone. Nearly a week later, there was a body found down by a canal. It was disfigured enough that Magnus wasn’t immediately recognizable, but when Alec Lightwood was brought in to identify the body, he clutched Magnus close to his chest and he cried.

There was no doubt that it was him and on that night, it was announced that the wanted criminal Magnus Bane had been found dead. Though his cause of death was undetermined, the police didn’t think there was any immediate threat to the public.

It took a while for Magnus to figure out that Camille had done it. She’d killed Ragnor and then, she’d helped Magnus become a ghost, exactly like her. Would she have done so, if she knew what a major pain in the ass Magnus would become to her? Why did she do it? For fun? Just to see what would happen? Just so he wouldn’t be arrested and their game wouldn’t come to the most boring conclusion on the board?

Magnus wasn't sure. He’d never gotten a chance to ask her. He didn’t plan on doing so, even if he did. For whatever reason, Camille had done it and after that, Magnus was no one.

He did contact Alec once after that. He couldn’t bear the thought of Alec thinking he’d died. It was stupid. He should have just let Alec think so. It probably would have been easier on both of them, but Magnus wrote him a letter anyway.

It began, ‘I don’t know who it was you saw, but it wasn’t me. I didn’t do that.’

Magnus still wasn’t sure why he had to clarify that. Maybe, the idea of Alec thinking he’d killed someone to fake his own death when he hadn't was too painful, as if that wouldn’t pale in comparison to everything else Magnus had done with Camille.

‘I didn’t kill Ragnor either,’ he’d also said. He knew why he’d written that. He needed it to be written somewhere. He needed someone to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Magnus Bane would not have killed Ragnor Fell and even if the world forever thought so, he needed Alec to be the one person to know otherwise.

Later, Magnus would learn through police reports that Alec had never thought he’d killed Ragnor. He’d said as much to the police. He’d cried and sobbed in an interrogation room, telling them that Magnus would not have done that and that Camille had set him up.

The police had written that they thought Magnus had made Camille up from the beginning and Alec — poor, naïve Alec — had fallen for it. Alec tried his best to get them to listen, but he didn’t stand a chance. Magnus had killed Ragnor and that was the only story anyone cared about.

‘I don’t imagine I’ll see you again,’ Magnus had continued. ‘But I think of you every night and I probably will for the rest of my life. Your parents didn’t think we’d last. Even Ragnor thought we’d break up eventually, but we wouldn’t have. We’d have stayed together forever. You know that, right? You felt it too?’

I’d have loved you forever, my Alexander. I will love you forever.’

Magnus had finished his letter simply, ‘I won’t write again. I’m sorry for everything. I love you always,

Magnus.’

He had expected Alec to bring the note to the police the moment he got it. It would prove Magnus was alive and corroborate Alec’s story that Magnus had been innocent all along, but as far as Magnus knew, Alec hadn’t shown anyone.

It wouldn’t have mattered anyway. Magnus wasn’t completely innocent. He hadn’t killed Ragnor, but he had killed for Camille and when some of the evidence lined up, it all might as well have.

He never contacted Alec again, until they saw each other face to face the night Alec was supposed to die.

Magnus’ lovely week with Alec was broken by, unsurprisingly, Raphael. Magnus and Alec were curled on the couch naked, catching up on years worth of shitty sitcoms as they lazily made out, when Magnus heard a familiar pounding on his door.

There was only one person who had the audacity. Immediately, Magnus was rolling his eyes. He reached for the robe that had been discarded on the ground hours before and had just enough time to slip it over his shoulders before Raphael was bursting through his door.

Alexander unfortunately didn’t have enough time to cover himself. Magnus had a quip on his tongue about Raphael not being able to wait a moment for them to get dressed, when Magnus saw Raphael’s face and fell entirely silent.

He felt like he’d been slapped across the face. Every ounce of his blood ran cold.

Raphael was crying. There were tears burning in his eyes — angry, furious, desperate tears. Magnus had only seen Raphael look that way once and that had been when he’d found out what happened to Ragnor.

Raphael Santiago did not cry. Raphael did not lose his composure and Magnus hadn’t seem him do it a single time since that one horrible day. Raphael was always calm and scarily collected, even when Magnus struggled to understand how he managed it.

“What happened?” Magnus rushed out.

“She took him,” Raphael spat. Tears were spilling out of his eyes and Magnus knew in an instant who Raphael was referring to. There was only one person he could be referring to and that was Simon.

“How do you know?” Magnus asked quietly, just as Raphael thrust a paper at him.

He recognized Camille’s writing instantly. ‘I’ve grown rather bored of our game. I think it’s time to end it. I have the boy. If you care enough about him, come get him. Bring Magnus and Alec too. If not, I’ll just kill him. Up to you.’

She didn’t sign it, but she didn’t have to. They didn’t need her to sign a fake name for them to know who she was.

“Where is she?” Magnus demanded. They didn’t have time to sit around and talk about how quickly she’d managed to sweep the rug out from under them. They had to find Simon. They had to find him now, before Camille decided he wasn’t worth the effort and killed him before they could get there. They all knew she would.

Raphael replied, his voice tight, “I don’t know.”

Magnus took a deep breath. He tried to think rationally. She’d clearly expected that they’d know where she was. She hadn’t told them where to meet her, so that meant she expected them to figure it out.

“I know where she is,” he announced after a long moment had passed. “Alec, get dressed,” he snapped over his shoulder. He debated if they should call everyone else. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go. They were closing in on Camille. They were supposed to be getting close to ending this. They were the ones fucking with her until they finally got the chance to end this all.

Now, she had Simon and everything had changed. They couldn’t call anyone else to come. She’d asked for Raphael, Magnus and Alec. If they took anyone else, she’d have Simon shot before they even walked in.

It was just them outnumbered, outplayed and out of time.

Magnus didn’t even consider wondering how Camille knew Alec was with him or why she would ask for him to come. The only thing that mattered was getting Simon. They had to get Simon. The rest, they’d figure out when they got there.

They knew they were in the right place the moment they pulled up to the warehouse. It was the same one Magnus had found Alec in so long ago and it was only fitting that Camille would expect them to meet her here. There were cars outside. The police tape had been knocked down and trampled over, though Magnus wasn’t sure if that was kids wanting a glimpse at a crime scene or Camille and whoever else she had with her. Even if they were all from her, Magnus couldn’t begin to estimate how many footsteps had gone inside, but he knew damn well that it was a lot more than three. He also knew that somewhere among those footsteps was Simon.

He’d probably been dragged in, if he was awake at all. Magnus couldn’t imagine Camille and her men letting him walk. That would be too dignified. That would be too kind and Magnus knew better than anyone that kind wasn’t quite her style.

The second the car stopped, Raphael threw his door open. Magnus had no choice but to follow behind him. He desperately wanted to tell him to stop and take a deep breath. He wanted to tell him to calm down before they walked inside. He wanted to say that they should take a moment to think, but what would he have done if Camille had taken Alec? He knew he’d be marching in there like Raphael was now, mindlessly. He wouldn’t think a single thought until Alec was by his side again, safe and sound.

Alec got out of the car behind him. He was pale and Magnus was reminded all at once that Alec wasn’t used to this, even if he knew how to stand confidently and hold a gun without shaking. Alec worked security. He had worked security. He went where he was told to and he guarded things. He’d most likely protected people too, but Magnus was sure it had never been like this. Alec had never gotten out of a car holding a gun to march into a building to save a hostage.

Alec had never had to deal with anything like this, until his life intersected with Magnus Bane’s again. His life had been normal and safe, until Magnus had come and shot everyone he worked with in some petty attempt at pissing Camille off. Apparently, he had succeeded on that front. They’d pissed her off. She was officially sick of them, just like he had wanted.

Except, he had always thought they would be the ones making the calls. He’d always assumed that they had the upper hand here. He’d always thought they were three steps ahead of her at any time. It didn’t matter how much they pissed her off. They had the power here. They had all of the cards and Camille had nothing.

Now, Magnus wasn’t so sure that had ever been true. Now, he knew that Camille had simply kept her hand close to her chest. They’d laid everything they had out on the table. They’d practically bragged and rubbed her face in it, but they’d never actually had any kind of power over her.

She’d been toying with them. She’d been toying with them from the very beginning and, standing outside that warehouse for a second time, Magnus was only just beginning to realize it.

Chapter Text

Part of Magnus expected they’d walk inside to find a deceptively empty warehouse moments before they’d be ambushed. Yet when they went inside, Camille was just standing there, waiting for them. Magnus hadn’t seen her in person in so long, but she hadn’t aged a day since he’d last seen her. Sure, it had only been a few years, but Camille was older than him.

Shouldn’t she look older now? But no, standing before him she looked like she always had. She was beautiful and alluring. She looked nothing like the poison that Magnus knew twisted within her. She smiled and all he saw were teeth. How had he not seen how fake that was all those years ago? How had he ever looked at her and thought that she was kind and smart?

Camille was flanked by people, but Magnus hardly even looked at them. They’d known they were outnumbered. He didn’t need to take inventory here to verify that, but there was a twist of movement in the background that had his eyes narrowing instantly.

It was Simon, though he didn’t recognize him at first. His hands were tied behind his back and someone was holding him there with a minimal amount of effort as Simon struggled feebly. His face was covered in blood. He wasn’t terribly hurt, but his nose was obviously broken and it seemed it had bled for a while before stopping. It was hard to tell if he was hurt otherwise. It looked like he had a bruise across his left cheek, but even that was hard to verify the severity of from this far away and with so much blood.

Regardless, he was struggling and it didn’t look as if he’d been shot or stabbed or had his legs broken or any number of the horrible things Magnus was sure Raphael and he both had been imagining on the way here. Simon was alive and right now, he wasn’t dying. That meant they weren’t too late.

Magnus’ eyes darted back to Camille as she opened her mouth. Her words were smooth and calming. They didn’t match the situation at hand at all. Once, that had calmed Magnus. Once, she’d made him think everything was under control when he really should have been running far away. Now, Magnus knew better, but it was too late to be running from anything.

“Magnus, Raphael—” Camille’s eyes flickered over them as she spoke before finally landing on Alec with apt interest. She seemed very interested in the fact that Alec was holding a gun in his hands. She took a few steps forward towards him, as if the weapon hardly even mattered.

Rationally, Magnus supposed it didn’t. They’d all be shot the moment she said the words. Who cared if one of them managed to shoot a bullet off in return? The odds of it landing before they were dead was slim.

“Alexander,” Camille murmured. Her eyes glistened and Magnus’ spine straightened instantly.

He realized all at once that he should not have brought Alec with him. It didn’t matter what Camille said. He and Raphael should have come alone and tried to grab Simon by themselves. Magnus had just been thinking that one more person had to help them. Alec knew how to shoot a gun. Alec knew how to protect himself. He was an asset and Camille wouldn’t shoot them for bringing him, like she’d asked.

But Camille had wanted him to come for a reason and it wasn’t because he’d make it harder for her. Magnus’ eyes darted over to Alec and he felt a slow sinking horror in his stomach. Why the fuck hadn’t he told Alec to stay home? Why hadn’t he sent Alec somewhere, anywhere else? Alec could have gone to the police. He’d have been safe there, regardless of what happened here.

Magnus knew by one look at the expression on Camille’s face as she looked at Alec that Alec wasn’t safe here. She’d wanted Magnus to bring him and he had, without thinking, but he didn’t have time to regret it. Alec was here. He couldn't send Alec away now. Camille would have him shot before he even reached the door.

He wasn’t sure if Raphael thought the same. He didn’t think so. Raphael was thinking about one thing and that was getting Simon away and back to safety. He wouldn’t have cared if they were walking into their certain death. For Simon, there would have been no other option.

Magnus had thought so too, but standing here now, he realized he did have another option. He had a lot of other options and instead of doing anything of them, he’d landed the three of them here, standing before Camille exactly where she wanted them.

For the first time, Magnus had the feeling that so much more was going on here than he’d realized. How had Alec just so happened to be hired by Camille that night? How had Alec just happened to be working, when Camille probably knew they’d hit the place? Why had Camille waited so long to do this, when he was realizing she could have put an end to them whenever she wanted?

They’d thought they were so smart. They’d thought they had her outplayed the whole time. They’d thought that this was their game, their revenge, but he was realizing all at once that they’d never had any control over any of this. Camille had just let them think they did.

“Give him to me,” Raphael snapped. Apparently, they were skipping any warm greetings.

Camille’s eyes slid over to Raphael. She gazed at him evenly, a vague look of distaste on her face. “Why?” she asked finally. She sounded bored.

Raphael started forward like he was going to push past her and to Simon who was still so far away. Someone stepped out, blocking Raphael’s path. Magnus had a terrifying moment of thinking that Raphael was going to try to push past them anyway, but at the last moment he stilled. His eyes didn’t leave Simon’s for a second.

Magnus dared a glance over. Simon looked terrified. At least Alec knew how to handle a gun and keep the fear Magnus was sure he was feeling off his face. Simon knew nothing. Simon was just a happy, bubbly kid who didn’t deserve to be caught up in any of this.

This was Raphael’s biggest fear. This had always been Raphael’s biggest fear. He’d always been so okay with dying, but he’d done everything he could to keep Simon safe. The only thing he’d ever wanted to do was keep Simon safe and now, they were here and Simon had a gun point at his head, ready to shoot him if Camille felt so inclined.

Raphael’s jaw tightened. “What do you want?” he asked, tearing his eyes away from Simon long enough to look over to Camille again, who stood regarding the entire situation as if it were an amusing sitcom playing out in front of her.

Magnus wasn’t sure if that was better than her being bored. At the very least, if she was amused, she wouldn’t kill them.

Camille seemed to ponder the question for a moment. “Well, what do you have?” she asked finally. She cocked her head and it was obvious it was a rhetorical question. They had nothing for her. Nothing at all. They had nothing she wanted and nothing she needed. In fact, they’d gone out of their way to become a huge pain in her ass. The biggest thing she could need would be them dead and Magnus was more than aware of it.

“You kill my people, you ruin my stuff, you walk around tarnishing my name all across the city to anyone who will listen to you.”

Magnus remembered vividly every moment in which they’d done just that. Killing the people Camille hired at the warehouse that night was just the most recent plot they’d enacted to make her life a little harder, but they’d been doing it for years. They took every chance they could to fuck things up for her.

It was all a game. Even they’d known it. Camille kept herself well protected and it was all a game to piss her off until they could finally put a bullet in her head. They’d never considered what would happen if she got sick of them before that. They’d never thought they’d be in a position to have to consider anything Camille might think.

“What can you really offer me now?” she pondered. “A promise you’ll leave me alone? Well, that would be too easy, wouldn’t it? And you’d never keep to it.”

Magnus opened his mouth. “We have money. You can take it. Anything we ever took from you, you can have it back.”

Camille’s eyes darted to him. She didn’t need money. She didn’t need her stuff back and they all knew it. “What did you think was going to happen?” she asked curiously. She ignored his offer entirely. “Did you think you had the upper hand? Did you think I didn’t stop you because I couldn’t?”

There was silence after she spoke and that was enough of an answer for all of them.

“You were always such a stupid kid, Magnus. I thought you’d outgrow it. Apparently, I was wrong.” Camille’s eyes darted over to Alec. “I hired him on purpose, did you know that?” Her eyes flickered back over to Magnus. “You knew to hit that place because I wanted you to know. I hired him and I put him there that night, just to see what you’d do. I was curious if you’d shoot him like you did the rest of his little friends. What crime did those people commit to deserve death, Magnus? Unknowingly being hired by a monster to do their job? That was enough for you to condemn them all to death, just to slightly inconvenience me?”

Camille’s eyes flickered over to Alec again. No one spoke. Even Simon had stopped struggling. “But it wasn’t enough for you to shoot him. You do realize how hypocritical that is, don’t you, Magnus? You hate me for killing your friend, so you murder innocent people to get back at me.”

“You murder innocent people everyday,” Magnus snapped suddenly. It didn’t matter if she was right. Who was Camille to talk to him about any kind of wrong doing he’d ever partaken in? She’d done worse than him for far longer.

Camille hardly blinked. “I do. We’d have worked well together, if you hadn’t gotten so upset when your friend died. Ragnor, was it? I bet you blame me for that too, but you’re the one who brought him to me. What were you expecting to happen?”

Magnus bristled at the reminder and his stomach twisted. He spat, “You shot him for no reason. He didn’t do anything.”

Camille hummed softly. “I killed your friend because I was curious what you’d do,” she said after a long moment of silence.

She continued, “You used to pride yourself on your outstanding moral compass. You didn’t want to hurt anyone. You wanted to help people, but all it took for that to change was for me to shoot your friend. Do you know what a good person would have done in that situation, Magnus?” Camille paused for just a moment, but no one opened their mouth to speak. “A good person would have gone to the police. A good person would have pled their case, even knowing they’d be charged with a crime they didn’t commit. A good person would not have killed dozens of innocent people, just to get back at one person. It didn’t matter how many people you killed that were vaguely connected to me. You were never going to bring Ragnor back to life and a good person would have known that.”

“So, where does that leave us now?” Camille asked. She turned, surveying the room casually before her eyes returned to Magnus. “I let you play your game for a while. I was curious how far you’d go, but you thought you were so close. You thought it was just a matter of time before you’d kill me and win. What would you have done after?” she questioned curiously.

Magnus didn’t answer. He knew what he would have done after. He’d have stopped. He’d have stayed with Alec. Maybe, they’d have moved somewhere out of the country, where Magnus wouldn’t have to pretend he’d died. But there was always a chance that that was all just a fantasy. Maybe, they would have stayed in New York and Magnus would have never stopped. He knew better than anyone that there would always be one more thing to help Raphael with. There would always be one more hit, one more incident demanding his attention.

Maybe a year down the line Alec would beg him to stop and Magnus wouldn’t listen. There was a lot that could have happened and a lot of ways his fantasy of living a perfect life with Alec probably would have gone wrong.

“Well, it doesn’t matter anyway,” Camille concluded finally. “This was fun for a while and now it’s not anymore. Now, you’ve started to become a major pain in my ass and that will not do.”

Camille turned and gestured behind her. The man holding Simon shoved him suddenly. Simon staggered a few feet before falling to his knees. His hands were still tied behind him, so he almost face planted the ground as he fell.

No one even had a chance to move. No one had a chance to say anything. Simon didn’t even have time to react. One moment, he was fine and in the next, the man that was holding Simon in place lifted his gun. He held it steadily for just a moment before he pulled the trigger without hesitation.

Simon fell to the ground in a mess of blood. His dark, curly hair covered his face and Magnus was thankful for it. Raphael didn’t need to see his face, not like that.

Magnus knew instantly that Simon was dead. The bullet had gone in the back of his skull and out the other side. There was no chance he’d survived and when he laid against the ground and didn’t even take in a final, shuddering breath, Magnus looked away.

At least he’d died quickly. He had seen so many that hadn’t.

No one reacted but Raphael. In the back of Raphael’s throat, he heard a soft choking noise. The gun he was holding clattered to the ground uselessly and Raphael was on his knees before anyone could move, pulling Simon up and into his lap.

Simon’s head fell to the side. His dirty, bloody hair fell away. His face wasn’t even in one piece anymore, but Raphael pressed his hand to it anyway, as if he could push Simon back together and force all the blood to go back inside him.

Magnus wished Raphael hadn’t moved. He wished Raphael had stood there and made himself not react. This was what Camille wanted. This is what she enjoyed, but Magnus also knew that Raphael was kneeling, holding his entire world in his now bloodied hands.

He knew what that felt like. He remembered kneeling, holding Ragnor in his arms as he took his last few pained breaths. Ragnor had died quickly, but when he’d hit the ground he’d still been alive and in those moments between Magnus grabbing him and him dying, the world had seemed to halt.

Magnus could have held him for just a few seconds. It could have been an hour. To this day, he wasn’t sure. The only thing he remembered was brushing back Ragnor’s hair, pressing his hand over the wound in his neck and yelling for Camille to call someone for help.

He wasn’t sure why he’d done that. It should have been obvious that Camille would do no such thing. She was the one who’d shot him. Of course she wasn’t going to call anyone to help. All she’d done was stand there and watch, her face entirely blank, emotionless.

Camille did not look emotionless now. Now, she looked delighted.

Magnus dared a glance over to Alec and saw that he’d turned completely white. His eyes were locked on Simon and one might think Alec was unaffected, if it weren’t for the horror in his eyes that gave him away. He looked like he might throw up.

Alec had never seen anyone die before. Alec had never had to watch something like this. He gripped his gun tight enough that his knuckles had turned as white as his face and Magnus wondered for the first time if he’d be able to shoot that gun, if he needed to. Being trained on how to use it was very different from firing it at someone and knowing you were ending their life.

Magnus still remembered how horrified he’d been the first time he’d seen Camille shoot someone. He remembered how horrified he’d been when Camille had made him shoot someone for the first time. He remembered thinking he’d never do it again, but how many more had come after and how quickly had he gotten used to it? Camille was right. Watching Ragnor die had changed everything for him. After that, he was no longer the horrified kid who couldn’t stomach the thought of someone dying because of him. After that, he didn't care anymore.

Nothing else had mattered. The world thought he was a murderer and then, dead. Ragnor was dead. Alec was gone. Magnus was a shapeless, nameless ghost. He’d felt, and still did, that his actions had no consequences. How could they when no matter what, the two best things in Magnus’ life were gone? It was only them and Camille. Everyone else meant nothing. They were just pawns in a game they’d never agreed to play.

Alec was just a pawn in a game he’d never agreed to play and Magnus knew he was going to die for it, just like Simon had.

“I’ll work for you,” Magnus murmured softly. If he expected some reaction from Raphael at the blasphemy of his words, he received none. He knew that Raphael no longer cared. If Raphael didn’t die here, he would soon. There was not a place in the world for Raphael Santiago here if Simon wasn’t at his side. Maybe, if they survived, he’d make it through the funeral. Maybe after, he’d shoot himself or let someone else do the job.

Magnus wasn’t sure, but he did know that Simon wasn’t coming back to life and Raphael was as good as dead. His offer was not for Raphael. His offer was for Alec and she knew it.

“Just don’t kill him. Please, Camille,” he begged.

Camille turned to him slowly. She raised an eyebrow and appeared to think about it for a moment, but Magnus knew she’d already made up her mind. She’d known Magnus would offer. She’d known he’d do anything to save Alec and the only thing he had to offer was himself.

“And what, he goes back to his life? He pretends to have amnesia about what happened to him over the past few weeks?” Camille paused, taking a moment to eye Alec holding the gun. “Or were you hoping I’d take him too? Take you both back into my flock after you’ve gone out of your way to mess things up for me so badly?”

Magnus didn’t answer. He didn’t have to answer. Yes. Yes to all of it. As long as she didn’t kill Alec, he didn’t care. He and Alec would figure it out. Alec knew how to use a weapon. He could hold his own, if Camille would accept him. Anything would be better than Alec dying here because of him. Anything would be better than him dying exactly like Ragnor had, like Simon had.

“You know I can’t do that,” Camille murmured. Her words were soft and deceptively kind. Magnus felt his resolve break at them. He was so stupid. He should have never taken Alec to begin with. There were so many things he could have done instead. He could have left Alec here the day they’d killed everyone. Alec could have made up a story. He could have been a lucky survivor. Magnus could have shot him too. That would have been kinder than all of this. That would have been kinder than torturing him by making him stay, torturing them both by making them think that they had even an ounce of a chance of making it together.

The day Ragnor died, Magnus had died too. It was just a matter of time before Camille took him out and he was only ever alive because she allowed it. Thinking they could beat her was a fantasy. Thinking there was any place in this world for him and Alec to be happy was just a fantasy.

Magnus should have shot him that day and been done with it, but Alec had always been the one thing that he made stupid decisions for. He was about to make another one of those right now.

He raised his gun. It was loaded. The safety was off and before anyone could react, he fired. A moment later, the world dissolved into chaos. He wasn’t even sure if he hit her, but he didn’t get to fire again because the gun was ripped out of his hands. There were arms grabbing him and before Magnus knew it, he’d been hit across the face with a rifle.

There was blood running down Magnus’ forehead but he hardly even felt it. The world went fuzzy around the edges and before he knew it, he was on his knees with his arms locked behind his back. There were two men standing on either side of him. There was a gun pressed against the back of his head.

He was sure that the same treatment was happening to Alec, but he couldn’t look over to see him. His view was blocked. He had just a moment to wonder what Camille was going to do about Raphael when another gun went off.

He didn’t even know who shot it. He didn’t see if it was Camille or someone she’d signaled to, but the moment he heard the noise, he knew what happened even before he watched Raphael drop to the ground. He’d been clutching Simon’s body close, like he could protect him, but Simon was already dead and as Raphael fell forward, Magnus could see that he was as well.

Camille didn’t care about Raphael. That wasn’t who she was here for. That wasn’t who she was having fun with. She shot him exactly like she’d shot Simon, exactly like she’d shot Ragnor so long ago — as if they were nothing, as if they’d never mattered at all.

Magnus’ eyes found Camille again. She had a hand over her arm. There was blood gushing out and it took him a moment to even realize that he had shot her. He’d been trying to shoot her in the head or even the chest but he’d failed on both accounts. He couldn’t help but let a laugh bubble from his lips.

He’d shot her in the arm. The arm. Magnus knew with that one mistake that he’d just sealed his and Alec’s deaths. Camille looked up at him and cocked her head, a phantom smile flickering across her face. Blood was gushing out of her and streaming down her arm to the floor that Magnus had splattered with his own blood not too long ago.

It was almost poetic. Everything in his life had come full circle, until he landed here. How many people had he done this to? How many people had he held down and then shot without a moment of consideration?

Magnus hated her so much. Some deep part of him would always blame her for everything. If he had never met her, if he’d never started working for her, if she’d never killed Ragnor, everything would be different. Magnus would be different. He’d have been a different person, one who cared about what was just and right, one who protected people. He’d have been a good person. All he’d ever wanted in life was to be a good person. How had he failed so miserably?

“That wasn’t very nice of you,” Camille murmured. Magnus saw those pretty lips that had once leaned in to kiss him just before someone was moving towards him and kicking him in the face.

Magnus choked on a noise in the back of his throat, but he couldn’t even cry out. He felt his teeth shatter on a steel toed leather boot and when he bent over, sagging in the arms holding him up, he watched beyond his bleary eyes as chunks of white fell to the dirty floor, splattered with his blood.

When Magnus’ ears stopped ringing, he could hear Alec talking. He couldn’t even hear what he was saying, but he wanted to snap at him regardless. Shut up, Alec. Shut up, shut up - then he heard what Alec was actually saying and his entire heart sank. Shut up, Alec, but Magnus’ lip was swollen and bleeding. He was pretty sure he’d managed to bite his tongue and even if he tried to speak, he didn’t imagine it would be very intelligible.

“Please, don’t hurt him,” he heard Alec beg. His voice broke and Magnus could hear the pure desperation in it. Alec didn’t understand though. He knew Camille, but he’d never known her like Magnus had. He didn’t understand that Camille would have no sympathy. She wanted Alec to beg. She liked it. She’d use it to her advantage and she most certainly wouldn't stop just because Alec wanted her to.

Camille motioned with her hand and Magnus didn’t have another moment to prepare himself before he was being kicked in the face again and then again.

Magnus had been hurt before. Fuck, he’d been tied up and hurt before he’d never been hurt like this - with such a ruthless abandon that it was obvious no one cared if he lived or died because of Camille’s punishment.

People had used him as leverage before. They’d needed him alive.

Camille didn't need anything from him and it was obvious. In that moment, everything hurt so bad that he felt something in him break. He could think of nothing beyond the pain of it all. He could think of nothing besides wanting it to stop, needing it to stop, and knowing that it wouldn’t.

Alec was screaming. Magnus could hear him struggling and yelling as loud as he could, begging Camille to stop, telling her to hurt him instead, telling her to leave him alone, please.

At some point, he was sure they’d stopped kicking him in favor of punching him. His eyes were so swollen that he could barely see, but he knew it was the case because he felt the hands grabbing him by the shirt to yank him upwards just to drop him again when a fist connected with his face.

Eventually, they threw him to the ground. He landed on his hands, watching blood fall from his face to the dirty concrete floor which he could hardly see. He heard Camille’s heels clicking on the ground as she walked and when he forced his eyes up, he saw her approaching Alec, who was still being held in place on his knees.

There wasn’t a hair out of place on his head, but Magnus didn’t imagine that would remain true for very long. He felt the panic rise inside him. He wanted to stumble to his feet. He wanted to rush at Camille and do anything to keep her eyes on him and away from Alec.

Magnus’ hand twitched. His gun was still on the ground where it had been thrown. If he could just reach it…

He dove for it suddenly, but only made it a few inches before there was a boot crushing down on his hand, grinding it into the concrete. He heard the sickening snap of his knuckles and the delicate little finger bones in his hand breaking before he even felt the pain of it.

Magnus had known he wouldn’t get the gun. They’d left it there just out of his reach to see if he’d try. He should have known better, but for Alec’s sake he’d tried anyway. He’d have let them break every bone in his body if it might mean he’d have even the slimmest chance at saving Alec.

When Camille crouched before Alec, she had a look on her face like she’d come across something spectacular. Magnus wished he could punch that look right off her, but his punching hand was broken and he’d never been very good with his right hand anyway.

“Did you know that I wanted Magnus to take you home?” Camille asked softly. “If he hadn’t, I’d probably have let this go on for so much longer. I might have even let him live. All he had to do was send you away or kill you and none of this would have happened, but he took you, just like I knew he would. How could I pass up this opportunity after that?”

Camille reached out and her dark finger trailed across Alec’s cheek. He flinched away from the touch, but the arms holding him didn’t let him move far. “This was so much more fun than just killing them. Magnus is so stupid for the people he loves. I knew this would be interesting.”

Alec stared warily and terrified. He didn’t seem to be taking in any of Camille’s monologue because after a moment, Alec spoke. “My family has money,” he said softly. Magnus could hear the fear in his voice even though he could barely see him. It was a reasonable offer. Alec’s family did have money, a lot of it, but Camille had no use for Alec’s money. She had more than enough of her own and even if she didn’t, Magnus was sure she’d much rather enjoy killing them than get anything tangible out of it.

“I don’t need your money, Alexander,” Camile cooed. She almost sounded kind when she spoke to him, like she was speaking to a small child who didn’t yet understand the circumstances they’d found themself in. Magnus was an adult to be kicked swiftly. Alec was merely a child to her, someone caught up in all of this who didn’t exactly deserve it, but who would die anyway.

Camille reached out with one hand and pressed it gently across his cheek. She touched him tenderly and Alec froze at the touch, staring with desperate eyes. He didn’t know what was happening. He still thought there was a chance they’d be okay. He thought this show of kindness from Camille might mean something different for them. He didn’t understand her. He didn’t understand that Camille had known what she’d do to them the moment they walked inside.

Camille’s hand dropped from Alec as she rose to her feet. She turned away from him and Magnus knew in that moment that she was done with him. He knew the second she turned away what was about to happen. Magnus lunged forward before she could even speak, but he was shoved back down into place before he made it anywhere. A noise came from Magnus’ throat, desperate and keening.

He needed to stop her. He needed to do something. “Camille,” Magnus spoke desperately, his voice rising with panic.

Camille didn’t even turn to look at him. She merely smirked.

Magnus didn’t have a chance to say anything more before Camille was speaking. “Shoot him,” she said simply.

It was only a second between her words and Magnus watching as a gun went off, the same gun held to the back of Alec's head. Alec slumped forward instantly. He probably hadn’t heard what Camille said before it happened, let alone had a second to process it. A bright red puddle slowly started to spread out from under him, forming quicker than Magnus thought it should.

Magnus had seen enough people die to know that Alec wasn’t getting up, but none of those people he’d watched die had been Alec. He should have known better, but he didn’t. He froze as he stared, waiting for Alec to move. He waited for him to gasp in a pained breath or lurch on the ground, showing any sign that he was still alive where he laid, but Alec didn’t move, not even an inch.

He was dead and part of Magnus knew it. Part of him had known that Alec would die for a while now, even if he desperately tried to think of a way out of it. They were all dead the moment they walked inside. Magnus had been expecting it, but that didn’t mean it was any easier to process.

He couldn’t be dead. Alec couldn’t die, not here, not like this, not before Magnus. It was wrong. The entire situation was wrong. Alec wasn’t supposed to die. Alec was never supposed to die, not here, not because of Magnus, not like this.

Magnus didn’t sob. He didn’t scream even if he wanted to, but a quiet shudder worked its way through him and before he knew it, there were tears dripping down his face, falling silently to the ground.

Magnus didn’t want to think about it. He didn’t want to think about Alec. He didn’t want to think about any of it. He just wanted it all to be over already, but his mind flickered back to the first time he met Alec anyway. He couldn’t even remember what had happened. He just remembered that they’d been in school together and Magnus had been enamoured with him from the first moment they met.

In his mind, he saw Alec young and alive as he stared at him lying lifeless on the ground. He remembered Alec with his lanky, awkward limbs, not yet grown into his body, his messy hair and his soft cheeks. He'd smiled shyly at first and Magnus hadn’t even known how beautiful it would be the first time he got to see that brilliant blinding grin on Alec’s face He remembered Alec’s arm around him. He remembered wearing his jacket. He remembered Alec kissing his cheek and blushing after, neither of them too sure if the soft kisses were welcome or if the other found it all far too corny.

Magnus wanted to spend forever there. He wanted to spend forever in that life, when he’d had no clue what was coming, when he'd thought he’d be with Alec forever, when he’d thought that there was nothing that could possibly rip them apart. That’s what Magnus’ life was supposed to be like. That’s how it was supposed to be forever, just him and Alec and nothing else that mattered half as much.

Magnus would do anything to go back there. He’d do anything to do it differently. He’d never have started working for Camille. He’d never have let Alec leave his side. He’d kiss Alec everyday and at every chance he could and he’d let nothing pull them away from each other, not even for a moment. But Magnus couldn’t go back. That wasn’t how the world worked and kneeling here with Alec’s dead body just a few feet away from him, the only thing Magnus could hope for now was that they’d get another chance.

Some people believed in reincarnation. Maybe, they’d be reincarnated and some other version of Magnus would meet Alec and be enamoured with him all over again Maybe, that Magnus would be better. Maybe, he’d try harder. He’d be a better person and he’d work to deserve even an ounce of happiness with some other version of his Alexander.

Magnus had never believed in reincarnation. He wished he could. He wished that he could believe in any of it but, deep down, Magnus knew that he wasn't going to get another chance. This had been his one chance with Alec. This had been his one chance with it all and the only thing he’d ever done in his life was hurt a lot of people and end up getting his best friend and the love of his life killed.

Maybe, there was a heaven and Alec would be going there. Magnus knew he’d deserve it, but if any of that was true, he also knew that he would not be meeting Alec in the same place. Alec had always seen something in him that didn't exist. He’d always seen something good, but that wasn’t who Magnus was.

Magnus wondered if Alec realized it in the end. He wondered if he’d realized just before he’d been killed how horrible Magnus had always been. He wondered if it had all fallen into place for Alec, like it had for Magnus with Camille. He wondered if he’d just realized that the person he loved hadn't really existed. The Magnus Bane that deserved Alec’s love had only existed in his head.

Magnus wondered if Alec had regretted loving him, just before it was over. He knew he’d deserve it, if he had, but Alec was dead and he couldn’t even ask. Maybe that was better anyway. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to know the answer or not. He was pretty sure he didn’t.

Magnus only tore his eyes away from Alec when Camille walked over to him. He didn’t want to stop looking. He wanted the last thing he ever saw to be Alec, even the twisted grotesque version of him that was laying dead on the ground, but he couldn’t help his eyes from jumping to Camille anyway.

She walked towards him slowly and he could see even through his swollen, bleary eyes that she was smiling. She was pleased. This was playing out exactly like she’d wanted it to. This was exactly how she’d planned for all of this to go. It was only Magnus who’s world was ending.

Camille crouched before him. She didn’t reach out to touch him like she had Alec and Magnsu was thankful for it. For a moment, they both stared at each other and neither of them said a single thing until Camille finally murmured, “We’d have worked so well together. You realize that, right?”

Magnus could have laughed. Of course, that’s what she’d be thinking about. She’d be thinking about how many people they could have killed together, how many lives they could have ruined if Magnus had just run into her arms instead of running away when Ragnor died.

“I’d never have worked for you. Not after I knew what you were,” he spit instantly.

Camille eyed him for a moment before her eyes flickered over to Alec on the floor. Slowly, she looked back to Magnus and cocked her head. “I think we both know that’s not quite true.”

Magnus said nothing, but he knew she was right. He’d have done it for Alec. He’d have done anything for him, but Alec was dead now and Magnus… Well, Magnus had been dead for a long time. He’d been kidding himself to ever think he could have a life. He’d been living on borrowed time, Camille’s time. He just hadn’t known it.

“I’ll miss this,” she murmured. “You were so interesting for a while, but you became just a little too predictable for my taste.” She eased back, rising to her feet yet again and leaving Magnus on the ground, covered in his own blood.

He had thought that was it. He thought that any moment now another gunshot would ring through the room and then, he would learn exactly what it felt like to stop breathing. He’d learn what Alec had gone through not too long ago, but that’s not what happened.

Instead, Camille walked around Magnus until she’d settled behind him. The men who’d been standing at Magnus’ side before had vanished. He was sure they were close enough to step in if they needed to, but he couldn’t see them any longer. The warehouse stretched out before him and all he could see was Raphael, Simon and Alec.

Camille said nothing for a long moment. No one in the building so much as breathed. Outside, Magnus could hear it had started to rain. The only noise he could hear was the gentle pattering of water on a metal roof so far above him.

It had rained the night that Ragnor died. Not when it happened, but long after when Magnus was entirely alone, thinking his life was over, not yet knowing how true that was. It was fitting in a way. Maybe, the world felt bad for him. Maybe the world was mourning another life in which things had gone differently, just like Magnus was.

Magnus’s eyes fell down and it was no sooner after he looked away that Camille spoke. “Look at him,” she murmured.

Magnus’ jaw tightened. Camille was not mourning anything. She purred with pleasure as she spoke. Magnus looked up. He didn’t have to wonder what she meant or why. She wanted him to look at Alec. She wanted him to be thinking about the fact that Alec was dead and it was all his fault before it was over. She wanted the last thing he ever saw to be Alec crumpled on the ground in a pile of his own blood.

He looked so broken. He looked so small. Magnus didn’t understand how people looked so small when they died. Alec was always bigger than him, but now he looked so small that Magnus thought he could walk forward and cradle Alec in his arms.

Magnus wondered if he’d be stiff already. He wondered if he’d still feel warm. He wondered if he pressed a kiss to Alec’s lips if Alec might feel it, wherever he was now. Magnus wondered if wherever he was, if he was anywhere at all, if he was sitting with him and sharing the same impossible fantasy of one last kiss before it was over or if Magnus was truly sitting here alone, like he was pretty sure he was.

There would be no final kiss and Alec wasn’t even here to want it with him. Alec was gone. Alec was dead. If Magnus had never met him, he knew that he’d still be out there alive somewhere, happy maybe, visiting his siblings and not knowing how colossally someone named Magnus might have messed up his life in some other universe.

“He loved you so much,” Camille murmured. “It’s a pity.”

A bitter laugh made its way out of Magnus’ throat. At least Camille was here. He wasn’t really alone. He’d never been alone. Everything in his life always ended with him sitting with her.

“I loved him too,” Magnus said finally. The words came cracking out of his throat. He could taste blood in his mouth still, so much of it. He didn’t even feel around with his tongue to see how many of his teeth were broken. It didn’t matter. He wouldn’t need them soon. There would be no horrified dentist to look at Magnus' mouth and try to put him back together again.

“It’s a shame that never really mattered, isn’t it?”

For a moment, Magnus was going to say nothing and then, he spoke one last time. “It mattered,” he insisted quietly. “It’s the only thing that mattered.”

Behind him, Camille stilled. She’d been enjoying their conversation up until that point, but Magnus was sure that his sudden conviction made the whole thing hit a sour note for her. She’d been entertaining his words for as long as they pleased her but, suddenly, she was not enjoying it anymore.

Magnus heard the gun click behind him. He had just a second to realize that Camille was about to shoot him. He was the only one that Camille had bothered to shoot herself. Everyone else, she’d condemned to die by someone else's hand, but Magnus was going to die the same exact way that Ragnor had, by her hand, by her gun, only gone the moment she decided it.

Magnus looked at Alec. He didn’t look away for a second, even if part of him wanted to and when the gun finally went off, the image of Alec laying dead against the ground was the last thing Magnus ever saw.

He didn’t hear the gunshot. He didn’t even register what had happened before it was over, but he thought of Alec and he held the image of his lover close before his mind lapsed into thinking of nothing at all.

Everything was entirely still. Only the blood streaming out of Magnus’ head to the ground moved along with the rain dripping down the dirty windows.

Camille sighed softly and stepped around Magnus to walk outside.