Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Chapter One: Death

Oh Gods the pain!

Thirty-five years, in thirty-five years I've had my fair share of pain but this, this was different. This was the agony of having your soul torn from your living flesh, my spirit cried out like velcro protested coming apart. With enough force it would give. I could not even shriek in agony, there was no breath. Somehow I knew that if I could just scream some of the pain would ease. There was no relief, just the torment of having my life ripped away. It seemed to go on forever and yet eerily the pain lessened, or maybe I was drifting away from the pain.

It was dark now, not the dark of night, but something more profound. It was the dark of nothing, and it was soothing. Then part of my dying thoughts caught up with me, Velcro? Really? I giggled, in the nothing, at the inane thought.

I knew I had died, I just didn't know what came next. You hear the stories of every religion, of what comes after death, but no one really knows until they die. They may claim they know, but they're fools.

I was becoming angry, most people knew why they died. They were sick or an accident occurred, but for me there was just the pain and then death.

I drifted for an interminable amount of time, it was strange really. I was still me, but there was nothing here, I wasn't bored, I wasn't in pain, and my anger had subsided as soon as it had come, now I just existed. If you could call floating in nothingness existing, it felt more like just being.

Then came the soft glow of candlelight, not the bright white some people claim is there, nor the fiery hell of Hades either. Just the soft glow, like those days when the power goes out and you have to light a candle, a feeling like you stepped back in time.

Abruptly I stood in a cavernous stone room surrounded by uncounted millions of candles. It was warm and painfully bright after the dark. I didn't know why it should be painfully bright, I had no eyes, but where my eyes should be felt the pain as if they were still there. I could not even say I had a body, as I had tried to throw my hands over my eyes, I found I was merely a presence.

Once my 'eyes' had adjusted I found in front of me an amorphous form, a silhouette. Not really in the shape of anything or anyone it was just the vague notion of a being.

The shifting essence of the creature was fascinating, it seemed to be able to produce scenes from Earth in vivid detail, as if you were there viewing it in person. Scenes from the far distant past and the not so distant past. At one point I was sure there were dinosaurs, I grinned at that one. Abby would be green with envy when she found out! This gave me pause as I remembered I was dead.

I did not know how long I had been in the presence of this...I wondered what exactly this was. Seeing as I’m dead, it has to be a type of God, or perhaps the amalgamation of all Gods. I mused to myself, knowing that many on Earth would have a heart attack if they knew what I was thinking and seeing.

That’s right, I am God.

Every wisp of my current form froze at the voice that wasn’t. It was more a pure thought transmission than actual words. I was curious about a few things of course, I mean who gets to meet a God? As I had no mouth to open and no voice to speak I figured I’d go with the whole Manga thought speech thing. I felt silly as I started but seeing as it had heard my thoughts before, I figured it was better than nothing.

Why aren’t you in one form? I realize that this wasn’t the most pressing question, nor even the one that really needed answering, but I was so curious! I was the epitome of ‘Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back!’

It felt like the God paused for a moment and assessed itself as if only just now realizing that xe didn't have a distinct body.

Isn’t that curious. Normally I appear to any person as the form of the Deity they worship. It seems you had an equal reverence for all Gods and Creatures, therefore I have no form.

So it seems that it was my fault. Still it was delightful to know that all the stuck up pretentious people would think that their way was the right way, without knowing the truth.

There are not that many that get to meet me.

Oh? Meeting you is not the normal way of things?

No. Not at all. There have been less than thirty thousand humans that have met me after death.

I knew that if I moved in the direction that this conversation seemed to be flowing, I would not get to have any other questions answered and I was not going to let go of such an opportunity to sate my curiosity!

Were there really Dragons on Earth at one point? What of Magic?

Again it felt like Xe paused in surprise. I wasn’t sure why, all the humans that came before must have been curious about something or other. Did they just not ask? They must have thought it rude. To ask a God that is. I thought that must be the reason, as most of the time people tend to view their Gods as the pinnacle of authority, and that wasn’t wrong, but on the other hand if you never ask then you’ll never know. The worst that could happen is they don’t answer you. I mean any God worth their salt would not mind the question being asked.

You are correct, most of the humans that came before never asked questions and thought that if there was something they should know, I would tell them. Holding a conversation like this is a pleasant turn of events. To answer your query, there were Dragons and Magic at one point in your history, but the laws of physics in your reality could not shoulder the burden and so all was wiped from your reality.

What do you mean at one point? Wouldn’t they have had to exist before?

This time the pause was long and felt as though the God were deciding whether xe should answer the question.

Your Arthurian legends hold more truth than most would admit.

I was puzzled, I knew the legends of course, but most of the history before them wasn’t noted. ‘Your reality’ the God had said, meaning that they had to have come from a separate reality.

How many different realities are there?

More than there are stars in your universe.

This caught me by surprise. How can there be so many? How can it be sustained?

Every book you humans have written is a version of reality, every dream ever dreamed is a version of reality. Every story ever told is a version of reality. Now imagine the versions in the other realities being versions of reality. They are all interwoven to sustain the others, that is why when one reality crosses another, the very existence of a reality is threatened and the cause must be eliminated.

What would constitute a crossing of realities? How major an event must it be to be considered a crossing of realities?

This time the pause was an uncomfortable one. Not uncomfortable for the length of time it was but uncomfortable for the suspicion that filled it.

There was tension in the ‘voice’ of the God when it answered. There are several instances of a crossing of realities. Minor or localized ones can be maintained and sustained, while major ones must be eradicated.

I noted that the God didn’t really answer my questions and decided that I would shelve that topic for now.

Why are mushrooms so pretty, enticing, and tasty when most of them are poisonous? Children are fond of brightly colored things, was this meant as a type of population control? Ever since I was young this question had bothered me. They’d all looked so yummy but I knew that eating them could kill me so I had to steer clear.

The God seemed to blink several times seemingly dazed before answering. That is one instance that is considered minor and was not eradicated.

This time it was my turn to blink my non-existent eyes in shock. The cause of one of my longest lasting questions was that there was a crossing of realities that was considered minor?! I held my ‘head’ at the unfairness.

What were they supposed to taste like? Were they supposed to benefit us in some way before this crossing?

They were supposed to taste like rainbows and sunshine.

I raised my head at this description that boggled my mind. What the actual bloody hell does that mean?!

They were supposed to taste like rainbows and sunshine. Xe repeated, not seeming to understand my question or my confusion.

I couldn’t even begin to comprehend what that was supposed to taste like. I rubbed my imagined temples trying to soothe my absent headache, only then realizing that I didn’t actually have one. I mentally sighed and shelved this as well, knowing that I couldn’t get an answer for it.

If you’re a God, why have you let the suffering continue on Earth?

This question seemed to cause an ancient sadness with a taste of acceptance to fill the air. I may be God, but your fates are your own. I have tried to pass instructions down, but it is you humans who must follow them.

That makes sense. You can’t force people to do what you want. Well, I’m sure you could, but humans would come to resent you and would eventually rise up to try to erase you.

The God brightened at this. Yes, exactly. You understand!

Feeling an odd kinship with this God I retorted, Why wouldn’t any rational person understand this?

An air of mutual understanding filled the space between us. I knew that most people were not rational and the God knew the true nature of a human. It seemed that this was the knot tying together this sudden odd camaraderie.

I supposed that most of my random questions were answered. At least answered as much as I would get. Now for my more standard questions.

Is it just humans whom you oversee or do animals pass through your hands as well?

All creatures pass through my hands.

What happens to them?

If they’ve lived a good life, then they get a better life in their next incarnation.

I nodded, this made sense to me. Who decides what a ‘good life’ is?

This time the God did not give me an answer, instead I felt like xe was smiling in an odd way, a smile that hid many things.

Could you tell me if my pets had lived ‘good lives’? Did they get a better life?

The sound of shuffling pages could be heard even though I saw no book.

You have had a great many pets over your lifetime. Most died of old age, a few died of diseases and two died in accidents. It seems that they all led good lives and are in better incarnations now.

My phantom mouth grinned in pleasure. Thank you!

The nebulous form seemed to cock its head in question. You wish to know of no others?

I answered as I shook my formless head. No, all the others made their own choices. My pets were my companions and I made the decisions for most of their life so I needed to make sure that I didn’t condemn them. They deserve a really good life.

A confused sort of impressed silence descended then. Xe seemed to find my answers and questions out of the ordinary as xe hadn’t told me to hurry or gotten impatient with me. It was too bad that I knew I needed to get a move on, I didn’t like how porous my ‘body’ was feeling. It felt like I might drift away into the nothing at any moment.

Why did you talk with me?

Pink tinged the vague form in front of me, then xe coughed. Ah, um, well I was reading the next death and blew out the candle with the corresponding name, your name, but well there were two candles next to each other with the same name. I was reading the details as I was blowing. It turned out to be the incorrect candle. I mean, why do you all have such similar names?! Sheryl Jones!

All of this was said in a rush and I could feel my existence slacken further in shock. On a subconscious level I knew that another big shock could push me into the nothing.

You mean...I died in an excruciating way, because you went on autopilot when doing your job? Disbelief, incredulity, anger, sadness and a sense of betrayal laced my mental words.

Ah...yes, but I brought you here so that I could reincarnate you. I’ll also give you a few perks to make up for it.

My conscious mind was drifting in the shock from the news that I had died due to an error on the Gods part and didn’t really process the last thing it had said for a time. Vaguely I wondered why the God could speak so well with me, a current era human, if all life had to pass through its hands. I decided to ask to try and stall to get my mind back in working order.

How can you speak so well in a way that I can understand?

I watch and study so that I can understand what is going on with all of life.

Might I suggest a more regal tone, one less buddy buddy and one more formal? It would save a bit of confusion on our end. I wasn’t really paying attention to what I was saying, I was just ‘speaking’ to ‘speak’, to try to get my emotions under control and to get my brain rebooted. I mean I don’t personally care how you talk, but some people would be disillusioned at the informality of your current speech.

Slightly offended at the accusation xe responded, I do take into account who I am speaking with. I believed that this was the best way to converse with you.

How often do you make these ‘mistakes’?

Xe squirmed, meaning its whole being writhed under my ‘eyes’ making my phantom stomach churn in unease. Maybe a dozen times?

I supposed that I couldn’t fault the God for making a few mistakes in many millennia. Hell I’d made a dozen mistakes in a few days. I sighed mentally again.

I see. So what are you going to do with me now?

You can choose any reality you want and I can reincarnate you there, also you can choose a few things you want.

Things? I questioned.

Powers.

Ah. Cheats. I can choose some cheats to go along with my reincarnation. I paused. You said I could choose any reality? Meaning any book I have ever read, any movie I have ever seen, any story I’ve ever heard, any dream I’ve ever had?

Yes and yes.

Throwing out my previous feelings in light of this new information I became ecstatic! There were hundreds of thousands of awesome ‘realities’, how could I choose just one! I mean obviously I would choose one that had Dragons and Magic, but even then there were still thousands. I flitted from one idea to the next before a thought struck me. If I choose a book, do I have to follow the plot? Can I choose when in the realities history I am reincarnated? Would my actions be dictated by the plot that was already written in my former reality?

Each reality has its own fate, but there are those who have gone against the fate and won. So yes and no, if you are strong and lucky enough, you do not have to follow the fate of that reality. I will let you choose when in the reality you can be born in exchange for one of your gifts. As for your actions, you would only be boxed in on the major events until and if you can break free.

This gave me pause, but not for long. I was already plotting. How many gifts can I get?

Five.

If I change the fate in the reality I am going to, what happens to the book in my former reality?

The book will still exist as a reality, but so too will the changed one you created.

You mean like a fanfiction?

There was a brief pause as if the God were researching the term then the God laughed, straight out laughed and it filled most of my essence with bliss and a small part with annoyance. I did not appreciate being laughed at but the sound was so pure that it felt good at the same time.

Exactly like a fanfiction! You humans never cease to amaze me, you come up with some of the best terms for some very esoteric concepts!

I knew one story that I wanted to change the fates of characters in and save others the suffering that they had gone through in the story. I wasn’t sure I could do it, but I felt very strongly about it. I knew that it had been done already in other ‘realities’ as the God said each fanfiction was its own reality, but I wanted to do it my way. I wanted the satisfaction of doing it with my own hands.

Still I hesitated on choosing that one, I had so many other realities that I could explore with relative ease. The first one would be hard as I would have to change that ‘realities’ fate, while the others would not be too much work and I could live in comfort and style. So my own easy happiness or the difficult and painful route to my own happiness as well as the happiness of the characters, who apparently weren’t characters, that I loved so well.

A part of me wanted the easy comfort, the soft life, but I also knew that I would regret choosing that path for as long as my life would last in the new ‘reality’. So I really only had one choice. I began to grin maniacally. Yes, the hard path it is! I was never one to take the easy road, after all, most of the things I held closest to my heart, the memories, the animals, the people, were all found on the hard roads.

First, I want to have an eidetic memory, meaning I want to remember everything I have ever read, seen, or heard in both lives.

That is an interesting request. Why?

I don’t want to forget any important detail that could change the Fate of those I wish to help, I also don’t want to forget any of my pets, friends, and family from my past reality.

I see.

Second, I want to be a Polyglot, meaning every language past, present, and future. I want to be able to speak, read, and write.

This one is a little more difficult, this is a rather large request. Your other requests may be rejected.

I understand which is why for my third request, I don’t care if my family is a good family or a bad family. I don’t care if they are awful people to me and others, they only have to be a magical family.

Why go so far?

Because the gifts I am requesting are imperative for my survival and for my ability to change Fate.

Alright, continue.

Fourth, I want to be born with the ability to improve my magic prowess. Meaning I don’t want to be born a Squib, but an ordinary person who, the harder I work, the better I get.

That one I understand.

Fifth, I want to be born in 1977 in the Harry Potter reality.

You want to be born before the defeat of the Death Eaters and Voldemort?

Yes.

So be it, but know that I am sorry for the suffering you will have to endure.

The Gods response to my requests nearly made me panic, but I had no time to reconsider before my consciousness broke and I knew no more.

Chapter Text

Chapter Two: Rebirth

Again pain! So much pain! This time I was being compressed from all sides and there was an urgent panic to the pressure. I wanted to scream, but again found that I could not! Finally a lessening of the pain and squeezing. A brief relief it turned out as it started again! Time meant nothing in this endless cycle.

Bright light and cold assaulted my senses forcing me to inhale a lungful of air, the most painful experience yet. The air felt like fire searing me from the inside out, the only thing I could do was shriek in agony.

The howl that came from my mouth was shocking, it was the cry of an infant not the scream of an adult. Now I understood, I was being born, I had naively thought that I would gain my memories at a later time. Retaining an adult's mind during birth is a bad idea. This amount of pain, let's just say it's better off forgotten. It was as painful as dying, if in a different way. Life is pain. I understood that line more thoroughly now than ever. I wanted to laugh maniacally but could not.

The cold was just as excruciating as the fire of air, it was so cold it felt like my flesh was burning. Don't they know that infants need to be warm?! I seemed to have no control over my own wailing. I could not stop crying and screaming, nor could I control my limbs, and damn it I was hungry! This just added insult to injury. I was having one hell of a day. First the God goes on autopilot and accidentally kills me, meaning I died in an excruciating way, then I find out some very mind blowing news I mean come on! Multiple realities! Then I have to make some hard decisions, and now more pain, and to top it all off, I was hungry which just seems to make the whole day even worse!

Eventually they washed my body and placed me in warm blankets which quieted my uncontrollable body’s mewling to whimpers. I was mildly ashamed but knew too that the shame was just beginning for me. Babies had to have their diapers changed, be bathed by others, and suckle. Well, I’ll just create a place in my mind to go when these things happen.

I noticed that I didn’t have good vision and hoped that this was a result of being an infant and not how my vision would always be. I wore glasses in my last life and I don’t want to do so again. This train of thought was derailed as they brought me closer to the woman I presumed was my mother in this life. She was by no means pretty, but her hair was a very pretty auburn. Her face looked pinched and unhappy.

When they tried to place me in her arms she refused. “I’ve done my duty, you raise her until she’s five and I have to begin her education or until the Dark Lord needs her.”

Shock froze my entire body, even the unconscious squirming of my infancy. Dark Lord? I’ve been born to a Death Eater family… I sighed mentally. I should have known. What else can go badly?

This was not going to be fun.

“Yes Mistress.”

The high squeaky voice caught my attention and I turned my dim eyes to it and blinked. It was a house elf. They were uglier than was seen in the movies but had an adorable quality that made them endearing. There was a kindness on the worn out face that seemed out of place in such a harsh environment.

Tiredness took my conscious mind into a deep sleep before I could protest.

———————————

I next woke in the kitchens where the house elves were preparing food. I’m still hungry .

Acknowledging that fact seemed to be the wrong move though, as my body also recognized this, it began to wail. My spirit writhed in embarrassment.

Now I know I’ve been making a distinction between my body and mind, but in all honesty I just don’t want to admit that I have no control over myself. It’s not like my body has a mind of its own, it’s just that, as an infant, my body can’t handle the discomfort like my old body and therefore I give in easier, which is shaming.

The same house elf that was given custody of me, brought me a bottle of hot milk and smiled at me while putting it in my wailing mouth.

The most delicious sustenance that I’ve ever had entered my mouth as I instinctively sucked. A sweet, thick, rich choir burst across my tongue. Ambrosia. That was the only word to describe this intense melody. I lost myself in the flavor.

I mourned the loss as I finished the bottle. Apparently I also missed everything the house elf was saying while I was feeding as I became aware that they were in the middle of what they were saying.

“-okay Little Mistress. Magpie will take good care of you.”

“We all will Little Mistress!” A chorus rang out from all the house elves present.

They didn’t know me but were willing and happy to be taking care of me. This touched me deep in my heart and I grinned my chubby little grin and giggled with my infants voice, giving them all the warmth I was able to in my current body.

Silence, then an outcry of delight. They all clamoured around me trying to get a better look at me, cooing out their affection.

If I had been a normal child, I suspect this reaction would have caused me to tremble and maybe cry out in fear, but I wasn’t and it only pleased me to know that they liked me so much. I tried to raise my hands to be held but they only flailed uselessly in the air above me. Magpie seemed to know what I wanted though and picked me up.

House elves were only the size of a five year old and had very spindly arms, so I didn’t feel very secure, but at the same time I felt more secure than I ever remembered feeling. Maybe it was because she actually cared wholeheartedly about me.

She cradled me for a few moments then set me over her shoulder and proceeded to burp me. I struggled with all my tiny body had to offer to only burp and not spit up, it was a small victory, but it was a victory nonetheless. I clenched my fists in celebration.

More cooing ensued and I was embarrassed by their attention. I didn’t expect that they were still watching.

She brought me back down to her chest, beaming with pride at my burp, and proceeded to gently rock me to sleep while murmuring a lullaby that made no sense.

“Hush Little Mistress don’t say a word. Magpies gonna get you a unicorn, and if that unicorn does not please you, Magpies gonna get you a kneazle, and if that kneazle brings you trash, Magpies gonna get you a Gytrash, and if that Gytrash leads you wrong, Magpies gonna...”

Unsurprisingly this nonsense lullaby put me to sleep. It was interesting only for the differences to the lullaby I was used to.

———————————————-

Much of my first few months of life went this way, I would eat, sleep, and defecate. That would be the cycle of my days and nights. It wasn’t always Magpie looking after me though, sometimes there would be Moth. Moth was one of the male house elves that got along best with Magpie.

Those two seemed to be the ones at the top of the hierarchy, of course this wasn’t a good thing, they were called the most often by my mother and father. Meaning they were the ones most often abused and beaten. They were also exceedingly busy but would not give up their time with me to the others, even if they could barely move.

The other house elves picked up all the slack they could to assist them. There seemed to be no resentment between any of them about anything. They didn’t resent having to pick up the slack either, they didn’t resent being made to work for my family, if you could call it that, I hadn’t seen my supposed mother since that first day and I had never seen my father. From what I gathered listening to the talk of the house elves was that he had come to see me and after sneering in disdain he had left not saying a single thing, the only thing they seemed to resent was the way I was being treated.

Personally I didn’t care that my parents were leaving me alone, it meant that I was safe from whatever abuse they would put me through. I knew that at some point I would be made to endure what they would throw at me, likely in four years when Voldemort lost his powers. Then the abuse I would endure would make the house elves treatment look like a day in the park.

I knew though that I had to keep the house elves on my side if I wanted to get anything done and I had to do it in such a way that kept them from the notice of my parents. I didn’t want them to get into any trouble on my account. I would also need to let them know that I would not be able to treat them the way that I wanted or were used to if my parents were near, doing so would lead to unnecessary problems arising.

I also learned more of what was going on in the world than I thought possible. It turns out house elves are gossips! Who knew?

I learned that my parents weren’t even Death Eaters in a high status. They were merely underlings that did the bidding of others. They were plotting to rise above the Malfoys, but I knew that would never happen. Their plan was a long term one and the Dark Lord would be out of power by then.

Bellatrix was still nuts but was apparently friends with my mother. This concerned me more than I can accurately express. I mean she was batshit crazy and she’s the bitch who killed Sirius. I mean I have a plan for this, as well as keeping him out of Azkaban or at least getting him out at a much earlier time, but I wasn’t sure if they would work…one thing I didn’t count on when asking for my gifts, was that I was only of average intelligence. Increasing my memory did not actually make me smarter so I could only do so much.

My parents were responsible for the tortures and deaths of eight muggle families. They had also tortured and killed two ‘blood-traitor’ families. Unfortunately the house elves didn’t know the names of any of those families. There was only one small bit of good news on this front, my parents had been unable to torture, capture, or kill five other ‘blood-traitor’ families.

Interestingly, house elves could go almost anywhere. They weren’t barred entry from very many establishments meaning they basically had free reign. The only places they could not go were ones that had the Fidelius Charm or ones they were specifically banned from, and even then they could still go there if they punished themselves, case in point, Dobby. This would be very important for me and my plans. I would try not to send them to dangerous places, but I also knew that if there was something I needed in a dangerous place I would ask one of them to go, which meant they would see it as an order and try to get it done. I really didn’t want that though. Perhaps I would think of a solution later.

I found it interesting that the house elves knew what was going on in the Order of the Phoenix as well. Any time they talked about that they cast silencing and detection spells around the kitchens so that they would know if any creature approached. It seems that both sides didn’t take into consideration that house elves were intelligent and talented individuals. The Light and Dark sides appeared to think they were less than wizards and witches. I wondered if this thought process came about because of the magical binding of house elves to a wizard family, which made them nearly unable to disobey and were usually abused. In any case it was a serious underestimation of a powerful species.

I will have to ask if they mind being referred to as ‘species’ or ‘creatures’ or if there is a different term they prefer. Maybe people? They’re too good to be human though. This brought my thoughts to humanity itself. Humans were not a good species. They were argumentative and prideful. Cancerous even. At least that was the way they were in my previous reality. I wonder if there are more good ones here? I mean I suppose there could be, but the bad ones seem to be far worse, if they’re of magical descent at least. Hmm…

Getting back on track, the Order still refused to kill their opponents which was ridiculous. If they killed the masked Death Eaters then they wouldn’t be having so many issues with them escaping and coming back. Also, there wouldn’t be a mass breakout of Azkaban down the line leading to their near defeat.

I was too deep in my musings to notice the approach of Hopper, another house elf, before he picked me up with a great amount of enthusiasm.

“What’s wrong Little Mistress? Are you hungry?”

I perked up, I wasn’t hungry, but I couldn’t deny that I wanted the milk. It was still the best tasting thing I had ever had in any world.

“No Hopper, the Little Mistress just ate twenty minutes ago.” Magpie stated firmly while looking at my face. “Perhaps you can walk around the kitchen and tell her what everything is and what it is for.”

Hopper seemed to be happy about that and did as she had suggested.

I gathered from the way that the other house elves treated him, that he was a lot younger than they were. They also treated another male the same way and I figured that they were siblings who were only just old enough to work.

I was happy enough to be pulled out of my brooding thoughts as there was nothing I could currently do. I was working my body but I really had no control over myself, which was incredibly frustrating.

There were many differences between a magical kitchen and the kitchen I was used to. Here there were all kinds of magical devices that achieved the same results, these interested me only until I saw the magic my caretakers performed.

Every time they cast any spell I was fascinated. Having come from a world where magic was not possible, any magic I could see was riveting. I wanted so badly to be able to do magic as well. Being an infant who was unable to even move my head how I wanted frustrated me. I was itching to ask questions, read spell books, and learn magic, but my body could do none of those things.

Again one of the house elves did some magic. This time it used a silent ‘Hover Charm’ to remove the baked bread from the oven. Just off to the side another used a silent ‘Fire-Making Spell’ to caramelize the top of the crème brûlée. At least I thought that those were the equivalents of the spells they used as I had no idea if the magic house elves could do were the same as witches and wizards. Thinking further on that note, it had to be of the same variety or at least compatible because if a house elf really wanted, they could use a wand the same as its owner.

This thought made my body stop its squirming. If house elves could do silent magic and achieve a high level of control, wouldn’t it stand to reason that I could as well? It had to be possible, at least theoretically, because children used unconscious or unbidden magic before they got their wands. I wanted to try as soon as possible, but I also knew that I had never performed a single unconscious bit of magic. I would first need to know what magic felt like before I could even attempt to try silent magic. I scrunched my face in concentration on this line of thinking, getting internally excited, not noticing that my surroundings were getting noisy because I looked angry and in the months the house elves had known me, I was a very easy baby to deal with as long as my basic needs were met.

Abruptly a hand was on my forehead and a silent spell was cast on me to take my temperature. Startled, I let out a muffled cry and my eyes focused on Magpie as she fussed over me.

Again it was time to immerse myself in my own mind as she took me for a bath and a change of diaper. Mentally I sighed.

Chapter Text

Chapter Three: Anomalous Occurrences

My stomach roiled in discontent, my eyes rolled back in my head and I couldn’t keep from spewing the ambrosia I had imbibed not half an hour previous. Severe vertigo hit and I couldn’t tell what was up and what was down. Again my stomach rebelled and I lost even more of my dinner. It did NOT taste as good coming back out as it did going in!

What in all the realities is going on?! I shrieked in my mind as I let myself wail. I have never liked vomiting and I had done it twice in less than a minute. I felt like I deserved a good cry. Of course I was also plastered with my own bile and I needed it gone before I hurled again and crying was my only form of communication at the moment.

Moth rushed over and his little face fell in dismay. “Oh no Little Mistress! What happened?”

I continued to whimper as I looked at him in exasperation, if I knew, it wouldn’t have happened!

This wasn’t the first time this had happened but it was the first time in quite a while. The first time I had only been ten days old followed closely by one of the worst fevers I could ever remember having, then it happened again a month and a half after that again followed by a serious fever, this one didn’t seem as bad as the previous one. This time it happened while I was trying to learn to crawl. Which is hard work, just so everyone knows! I knew nobody was listening, but it made me feel better to say it that way. It amused me to think I had an audience for my life. Although, now that I think about it, the God did say xe could see and hear everything, so I guess I do have an audience. This made me giggle, even as I was covered in goo.

I honestly had no idea why these random, violent vertiginous bouts kept happening, but I was getting really tired of it.

The look on Moths face was somewhat comical and I knew I must look a little nuts; wailing unhappily one moment then giggling contentedly the next. I wanted to face palm but only ended up smacking myself in the face. I glowered at my hand, before sighing in exasperation. At least I had some control over my mobility but it wasn’t enough!

Moth laughed happily at my scowl, before snapping his fingers and making my mess vanish.

“I’m sorry Little Mistress, I don’t have time at the moment to give you a proper bath, this will have to do until Magpie gets back.”

I grinned up at him to let him know I understood as well as tried to say his name. “Oppuu” I flushed in embarrassment but kept smiling.

Moths eyes widened and began to gleam in a mixture of surprise and pleasure. “Oh Little Mistress!” and he scooped me up into a tight brief hug.

The number of hugs and physical affection that I was receiving in this, my second incarnation, far outweighed the amount I had received in thirty-five years in my previous reality. Even then I was still uncomfortable with the physical expression of it. Not having been conditioned to it made it all the more awkward. I had known that other families expressed their love this way, but mine never really had and it tended to make a difference in your interpersonal relationships, no matter the kind. Storge was hard to accept, I always liked it even if it made me uncomfortable, but I was also coming to need it, and I knew that this was not a good idea. My personality made it very difficult for people to get close to me and it would disappear later in my life.

Not noticing my mental distress Moth set me back in my makeshift crib and hustled back to his work.

I knew that I would begin brooding if I let myself so I made a conscious effort and brought my mind back to my current worry. Where is Magpie?

For the last two days Moth had been the one caring for me. This was very irregular as Magpie was my primary caregiver. She had never been gone for so long before.

Struggling to my stomach, which took longer than I wanted to admit, I looked around. The atmosphere in the kitchen seemed subdued, the house elves weren’t talking or gossiping as they normally would while they were making dinner. Even Hopper was quiet, Hopper could talk the ear off a fence post if you let him, but now he was silent.

I began to fret that maybe Magpie would not be returning. This made me start crying silently. I needed to see Magpie, I needed to make sure that she was at least alive. I concentrated so hard on the image that I didn’t realize at first when I was actually seeing her.

Magpie was being railed at by a man I could only assume was my father. I couldn’t hear what was going on, but Magpie was alive and at least physically unharmed at the moment and the relief I felt made me lose the tenuous picture.

Magpie is alive!

Then what had just happened hit me, I had done accidental magic for the first time. I began giggling maniacally. I’m not a SQUIB!!!!!

An enormous wave of relief washed over me and I collapsed while giggling. My giggling had the same effect as a Cheering Charm on the house elves. The kitchen was no longer a somber place and they began talking and gossiping as they normally would. I had not realized that my mood could make such an impact on those who cared for me. I fell asleep listening to the hustle and bustle and the hum of their chatting. Soothed by the knowledge that Magpie was alive and that I was not a squib.

Magpie returned a day later with bruises and cuts, but she was not otherwise impaired. Not otherwise impaired? I scoffed at my own thoughts. Oh yeah, not otherwise impaired. Isn’t it bad enough that she was emotionally and physically abused?! I knew my thoughts were callous but the fact that she returned at all and in a mostly whole state was what made me happy.

I knew the toll the abuse she had gone through would take, but I was still glad she was alive.

“Oppi!” I writhed with my inability to properly pronounce any words but still held my arms out and grasping with my fingers to be held.

Smiling through her bruises Magpie obliged and hugged me close.

__________________________

The bottom dropped out of my stomach and then slammed into my lungs, I felt weightless for a moment and then felt like all the inertia caught up to me. In short, I felt like I was on a roller coaster and all I was doing was learning to walk! What the bloody hell?! I quickly sat to make sure that I did not fall and waited for the feeling to pass.

Throughout my entire first ten months, these incongruous paroxysmal sessions kept happening and neither me nor the house elves could figure out why.

As soon as I could speak in any way that let them understand what I was trying to say, I explained what was happening. Their reactions to me speaking in full sentences and explaining what was going on was, shall we say, comical. That was putting it into the nicest terms.

I began laughing while remembering it.

<-Each house elf in the kitchen had stopped what they were doing and if they had been in the middle of a spell it had just stopped. Food fell to the floor, water splashed everywhere, knives had fallen over and the flour they were pouring poofed into the air. Complete silence filled the kitchen.

I realize now that they had never heard me practicing my words and had not known that I could speak anything other than their names, but at the time, the sudden stillness and botched spells made me uneasy and I had scooted backwards trying to get out of the unfamiliar atmosphere unsure of what I had done wrong.

Their sudden flurry of words and motions towards me made me even more uneasy and I had found myself in a bin in the storage room covered in sugar.

Once they found me they seemed to be calmer and that made me calm down as well. I was still anxious that I had done something that they didn’t like so I had asked, “Dwid I dwow someping wong?”

They had again been surprised but were quick to reassure me.

Thinking about it later, I had understood that having an eight month old talk to you in understandable sentences and understanding what was wrong with it’s own body and then having the cognitive ability to say it would be, to me, terrifying. I would probably have thought the kid was possessed or was way too intelligent to be associated with me. To the house elves though they just praised me and said “As expected of our Little Mistress.” And “Our Little Mistress is so smart!” They took it all in stride and since then I had not hidden what I was doing from them so that they wouldn't be so surprised next time I did something outrageous, because obviously I would. I had plans.->

Finally the incongruous feeling passed and I could again begin walking. I wasn’t perfect yet, but I could walk around the kitchens and navigate the stairs without mishap. My next plan was to begin working out my body so that I could have muscles in this incarnation and not be fat. I knew my bone structure was bigger than most people and that would make me look fat, I wanted people to be surprised when they saw that I wasn’t. I also wanted to be able to execute all my future plans and I needed to be fit enough to do so. Also, I had seen my parents, they were above average in their looks and I wanted to be attractive for once. I knew it was vain but it was also true that being good looking, even if only mildly would assist me in swaying people. I twisted my lips in amused disgust, I was already trying to plan that and I didn’t even know if I could do it. I had not seen my face. I only knew that my body was that of a child’s, except that my bones seemed to be bigger than other babies, I mean, I had no one here to compare myself to so I compared myself to the memories of the babies I had seen in my past life, and that seemed to be the case.

I would also ask the house elves if they could explain how they did magic and see if I could acquire it. I was fascinated by the fact that they didn’t need wands and still had full control. I had read an article once, okay more like I had glanced at it, if I’d read it I would know more about it, but it had said that house elves perform magic through their sheer force of will and intent. Much the same as chantless wandless magic.

Chantless wandless magic was also on my agenda to learn. I knew that I might not have great control over it, but if I could combine it with the house elves' way of doing magic, I figured I would have a fair shot at making it work properly. I had not actually tried doing any intentional chantless wandless magic yet.

Might as well give it a go. I paused. What do I want to try? It would have to be something nondestructive, I didn’t want the house elves to get into trouble, nor did I really want to draw too much attention to myself. Ah, I’ll try Lumos.

In my mind I pictured my fingertip lighting up like a flashlight, just the pointer finger of my left hand though. I didn’t want to have all of my fingers light up, if I could get the spell to work anyways. I concentrated until I could see it clearly, then I pointed my finger and willed it to light up. LUMOS!

Nothing happened. I cupped my finger in my other hand and looked at it without any other light. Nope, not even a faint glimmer. I was disappointed but knew that intentional wandless magic was so difficult for European casters that there were very few who could do it. I also knew, however, that most of Africa, the Native American peoples and several other cultures didn’t use wands at all and could still perform magic with no or very little difficulty. I would master this!

First though I looked for Hopper to ask him to explain how the house elves did magic. I wanted to know if there were any tricks to it or if it was all practice and repetition.

“Hoppa, how dwo you dwo mwagic?” I gritted what few teeth I had in frustration at my still botched pronunciation . Then hoping that Hopper wouldn’t misinterpret my gesture as anger at him, I smiled innocently.

“House elf magic, Little Mistress?”

I nodded eagerly.

Hopper turned from the dishes he was using a Scouring Charm, or the house elf equivalent, on. Him splitting his concentration seemed to make no difference to the continuation of the spell though.

“Hmm. Well Little Mistress, I know what I want to happen and so I make it happen.” He looked perplexed by the question.

“What awout when you fwiwst stawted?”

“When I was first learning it I suppose I imagined what I wanted and made it happen. I remember that it was very easy though.”

I slumped in disappointment. So there was no trick to it, house elves are just more attuned to it than I am. That’s okay I would just practice harder.

“Tank you Hoppa.”

“Of course Little Mistress.”

As Hopper turned back to the washing I wandered off to a quiet corner of the kitchen to practice. I will give myself a week to master Lumos and Nox as wordless wandless magic.

I will make it happen.

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So my week of hard work was both fruitful and disappointing. First I found that I could not cast Lumos on a living being, but only on objects that weren’t living. Meaning it couldn’t be cast on a living plant or creature, but if it was on a clipping from the plant or on a dead bug, then it worked just fine.

I surmised that if there was a living energy the magic would not initiate, which was odd as there were many spells that did work on the living. I wondered if maybe Lumos was a spell that was incompatible with a living body… Perhaps there is a variation I can use to make it usable on the living. Do spells have to be in Latin? I began remembering every instance of magic in the Harry Potter world and no, there was one clear instance where Hermione gave Harry the ‘Point Me’ spell which would always point north. So maybe the difference here is in the Latin word itself. No Lumos is a variation of lumen which refers to inanimate objects, so in theory if I create a spell that has the same effect as Lumos but with a different base meaning I can make living things light up.

I decided that I would try that, but was unsure of what language I should use. It would have to be a language I was at least familiar with, one that I had read in the past. There were four languages I was most familiar with in my previous life and I began to think of them. Out of the blue my own words came back to me, “Second, I want to be a Polyglot, meaning every language past, present, and future. I want to be able to speak, read, and write.”

I could have kicked myself. Why was I only just now remembering this?! Because you had no reason to before now. I snipped at myself.

I glowered at myself and my own thoughts before cycling through all the languages and deciding which meaning meant the closest to what I wanted and which of those I had the strongest image of, and settled on ‘hikari’ the Japanese word for light/shine/gleam and was what the name Hikaru was based on which meant light/radiance.

I was an avid manga reader and anime watcher in my previous life so I had a closer image to the Japanese language than to the other languages.

Well, lets give it a go! I concentrated forming the image and the intent of my left index finger lighting up like a torch. Once I had the image and intent firmly in my mind, Hikari!

Pandemonium broke out in the kitchens as a light as bright as a spotlight lit them up. I was so stunned with my success and blinded by it that I froze. I had done it!

Magpie came up to me and put her hand around my finger. “Little Mistress! Make it go out!”

When I didn’t respond she shook me a little. “Little Mistress!”

I nodded my head even though I still couldn’t see and concentrated on the image of putting out the light. Yamete hikaru!

Even though I still couldn’t see I knew that something was seriously wrong when the house elves whimpered.

“Little Mistress! You’ve put out all the lights in the Manor.” Moths voice was scared, but also held a hint of awe and pride, but the fear far outweighed those. “Little Mistress you must…”

His voice was cut off by a roaring voice and the pounding of footsteps. Then the kitchen door at the top of the stairs flew open and in stormed the large man who was my father, his wand thrust out in front of him with a Lumos spell igniting its tip.

“What has the brat done?” His voice was calm and menacing.

None of the house elves answered.

“I twied to put out the light that I cwast.”

The look of fury sliding into glee on my fathers face gave me a vaste unease. That look couldn’t mean anything good.

He grabbed me in a rough and imperious way bruising my tender baby flesh as he picked me up and took me up the stairs. I looked over his shoulder to the house elves and all I saw was fear on their rapidly disappearing faces.

No, not good at all. I mused to myself, truly afraid for the first time, in this my second life.

Chapter Text

Chapter Four: Consequences

Having a full blown Death Eater happy and excited about something was more frightening than I would have thought possible. The happiness was manic, overpowering and suffocating, but the muttering was even worse.

‘Dark Lord could use her’

‘she’s young yet’

‘higher than Malfoy!’

‘could work’

‘training?’

We finally reached a room filled with books, a few chairs, a couch, and a desk. The study? I mused. I knew that this wasn’t important, but it was keeping my mind off of what was to come, trying to keep myself from drowning in fear and keep my mind sane.

I wasn’t ready for this confrontation, I had no way to combat it yet. I hadn’t worked on my mind-scape at all, I’d been training my body trying to be able to move, training my magic trying to get a feel for it. Afterall it had only been a week since I found I wasn’t a squib.

I hadn’t yet made any plans on how to react either. It had happened too fast. I had royally effed up!

My father fairly threw me into one of the leather chairs in the room and loomed over me.

“How long have you been able to do magic?”

The tone of his voice was calm and cultured now. I shivered. This was a voice belonging to a man with no empathy. I felt the cold fingers of the dead curling around my ankles ready to drag me into death once more.

Swallowing to keep myself from screaming, I’m almost thirty-six! I CAN do this.

“Seben days.” I swallowed hard again.

“How old are you?” He paused, “no nevermind, I remember. Nivea was out for a week after giving birth to you. The Dark Lord was not pleased to lose one of his fighters that week.” His lips curled into a snarl while his eyes narrowed in anger.

Then, as fast as it had happened, the look was gone.

“You’ll be of some use to the Dark Lord so I believe some training is in order.”

His tone was the same, but I felt the incorporeal hands of death once again tightening on my entire being. I wanted to run away but knew I had nowhere to hide. I bit my lip, trying to feel something other than the dread coursing through my veins.

“I’m going to train you until you will not embarrass me. Then I will present you to the Master.” He smiled in bliss.

“Rule One: you will not talk back to me. Rule Two: you will do as I tell you to, as quickly as possible. Rule Three: no crying. Not following these rules, or any rules to follow, will result in harsh consequences. Do you understand?”

I bit my lip harder, but nodded my head. At least I wasn’t being taken to Voldemort right now. I had time to plan, at least, so long as I could survive the training. I would have to survive it without doing too well. Just enough to drag it out for two years, almost three. Then I would have a reprieve from being presented to him.

*****TRIGGER WARNING*****ABUSE OF A MINOR*****

*Smack!*

Blinding light flashed in my mind and a throbbing pain resounded on my cheek. I whimpered.

“When I ask you a question, all answers are to be verbal. Is that understood?”

I couldn’t answer, my body would not obey. My voice was frozen and my eyes were weeping. Fuck! I messed up! I have no pain resistance in this body! In my previous life I had already been through this, I knew I could handle it then, but this life, in this life I had not yet known pain. I was unaccustomed to it.

Burning pain assailed my senses, localized at my scalp as he lifted me by my hair. I was weightless before slamming into the floor as he threw me.

Fire in my shoulder as it popped out of its socket, I cried out in pain, the shock releasing my voice to cry out.

Blood dripped onto the floor from my split lip and sliced cheek, as I panted and tried to answer. “Y-yes. Fawthew.”

His advance on me stopped. “Good, now stop crying.”

I tried, I held my breath and tried to will my tears to stop, but to no avail. The pain was horrid, yes I remembered my previous death and yes I remembered being born, but pain is something you have to experience frequently to be able to handle. My tiny body had not had constant pain so it was unused to it, it could not even handle running into a corner without crying, let alone handle this.

Again my father rounded on me, this time he kicked me in the ribs. I felt one crack, I tried to scream, but no air would come out. He wrenched me up by my dislocated arm. Too much, too overwhelming, I fell into the darkness awaiting me as a mother would.

__________________________

When I awoke, I tried to move, tried to get up and apologize. My mind was still fuzzy but I knew I needed to stop the beating. The shriek I released at the pain coursing through my body reminded me I was in no condition to move. I went limp trying to get enough air to breathe, trying to stop crying.

“Oh Little Mistress.” There was anguish in the voice I recognized as Magpies. “I’m sorry Little Mistress, we’re not allowed to use magic to heal you.”

I opened my eyes to look at my companions, my vision was blurry and washed out but I recognized my family, my chosen family, and tried to smile. My smile became a grimace of pain though. I tried to picture what I must look like. I was ten months old and had to have a bruised cheek and bloody cracked lips. Those are just the injuries they could see. How absurd I look.

I had calmed down enough to at least speak. The pain hadn’t left, but the panic and fear had subsided. “I knwow, Oppi. Fawthew wiww not awow it.”

“Little Mistress.” This time the words were murmured from all with varying tones of concern, empathy, and sadness.

“Pwease wemembew dat fawthew wiww make me tweat you da same. I wiww not want to dwo it.”

“We know Little Mistress.”

“Gwood. I am sowwy in adbance.”

“It’s alright Little Mistress, we know. We know all too well.”

“I’m sowwy fow dat too.”

Magpie tried to hug me but stopped when she saw the look on my face. “Little Mistress?”

“Fawthew bwoke a wib, awso a diswocated shouwdew.” I knew that so long as the pain stayed the same I could get used to it and suppress it, and I was starting to, even in this body, but I knew that if they touched me it would intensify the pain to blinding proportions and I would scream in agony, just as I had on awakening.

“If magwics not awwowed, couwd one ob you pwut my awm bwack in pwace?” The horrified looks I was receiving would be comical in any other situation, but in this one, they were just mildly irritating.

“Little Mistress, we’re not sure how.” Magpie stated when it was clear none of the other house elves would answer either.

“Oh...weww basicawwy whiwe I wie down on da tabow one ob you need to put a weight, maybe twow pounds? on my hand fow ten to tweny minutes. Den my awm goes ina swing fow a few days. Den it wiww take weeks to heaw compwetewy.”

“That sounds barbaric, Little Mistress.” Moth said slowly.

“Not bawbawic, just muggle. Dey hab no magwic so dey found oder ways.”

“Alright Little Mistress. We will do as you want. We always will.” Moths' voice held a promise and a vow.

“It wiww huwt me, I wiww pwobabwy wose consciouthness. Its otay.” Again I tried to smile but this exacerbated my split lip so I stopped. “Be cawefuw ob my wung. Don’t mobe my towso too mut ow da bone mwight puntuwe my wung.”

Again horrified looks were exchanged, but Magpie pulled herself together and gently lifted me to a table using the house elf's version of the Mobilicorpus spell. I tried not to cry out, I really did, but the pain was too much for me. I felt Magpie wince at my pain as well, but she did as I instructed and laid me face down on the table.

My dislocated arm swung free and I whimpered, but soon I inhaled sharply and again slipped into the darkness as Moth applied the two pounds of weight to my arm.

__________________________

Groggily I swam my way to consciousness and opened my eyes. I was still in the kitchens back in my makeshift crib.

“Oppi?”

Instantly she was by my side wearing a look of utter relief and sadness. “Little Mistress! What can Magpie do?”

I reached my functioning arm up and held my hand open, immediately she placed her fingers in mine. “Tank you.”

Moth came over with some soft foods for me. “You’ve been sleeping for a long time, Little Mistress. You need to eat.”

I nodded my head knowing it was true. “When is fawthew coming to get me again?”

Hesitantly, Moth answered. “Tomorrow morning Little Mistress.”

“I unnewstand.” I very slowly and carefully maneuvered my body to a sitting position. By the time I had managed to do so, I was whimpering with the pain and doing my best not to cry out.

“Weady to eat,” I smiled slightly in triumph.

All of the house elves present were looking at me teary eyed.

“It’s otay, you dwid notting wong.”

“Oh Little Mistress. That’s not…” they didn’t continue, they just let the tears fall and went back to their duties glumly.

I ate what Moth had brought me with careful bites, I didn’t want the iron flavor of blood to be all I tasted so I was careful not to reopen my cuts. The mashed fruits and veggies were delightful. I remember trying to eat baby food once in my past life, you know curiosity and all, but it didn’t taste anything like this. I suppose it could be because this is fresh and the ones I tried before were store bought.

__________________________

Again I was in fathers study in the same chair. He had just explained the basic foundation of their beliefs under their vaunted Dark Lord. To me they just sounded like a bunch of fanatical cultists bent on destroying themselves after destroying the world.

“Do you understand?”

“Yes fawthew.”

“I’m glad to see you learned to answer correctly.” He paced away from me and brought out a sleeping bunny. “Now I am going to teach you a spell that is one of the foundational spells for our organization. You will need to know it and two others before we can proceed to other spells. These three are imperative.”

He placed the bunny on the low table in front of me, glanced at me to make sure I was watching, then “Imperio!”

The bunny twitched then stood on its hind legs and walked like a human would. I could see the muscles writhing under its fur in order to do it. He made the bunny do a backflip, a pirouette, roll over onto its back, then bite itself.

Then he released it, and the poor bunny was sobbing in pain and confusion, it wanted to go home, to the store it was at. It missed its siblings.

I screwed up my face to keep from crying.

“Now you.”

I looked at the bunny and knew I wouldn’t be able to cast that spell. All of the Unforgivables had to have true feeling behind them to work. I had to really mean it for them to work.

“Impewio!” I shouted as I pointed at the bunny.

Father watched intently as nothing happened. Then he turned disappointed and cold eyes on me. “Did you even try?”

“Yes, fawthew.”

“Try again.” He spat while glowering at me.

I swallowed in fear and tried again. “Impewio!”

Again he watched the rabbit intently while nothing happened.

This time when he turned, he backhanded me then grabbed my hair and forced me to look at the rabbit.

“Again!” He snarled.

I was crying again and hoped he wouldn’t notice. “Impewio!”

Again nothing happened.

He made a sound of disgust and derision before he hissed, “Avada Kadavra!”

Thy bunny never even saw death coming. It was still begging to go home when the light left its eyes.

“You stupid girl!”

Then he yanked me out of the chair by my hair and the fire raged along my scalp making me cry out in pain.

He had me settled on his lap over his knee before I registered the pain on my scalp was fading.

Father pulled my diaper down and smacked his large hand against my bare flesh.

Hot iron speared through me at each smack he gave me, my bones screamed in horror and my wailing grew louder.

I do not know how long he spanked me, I lost count after thirty, it didn’t seem to matter, I just focused on trying to stifle the pain. I wanted it to stop. It needed to stop, but it did not. It went on and on.

Finally, he seemed to tire and threw me to the floor.

“Magpie!” A pop sounded as she apparated into the room.

“Yes, Master.”

“Take this garbage back to the kitchens. She’s useless today as well. Tell her she has a week to practice, if she can’t do it, it will be worse for her next time.”

“Yes, Master.”

A gentle hand on my shoulder and then the tight pinching of apparition. Then the warmth of the kitchens surrounded me.

I had no voice left as I had screamed myself hoarse. I wasn’t sure what I could do at the moment. I knew that my pain was only just beginning though. I could not perform the Unforgivables on innocent creatures. I would not, no matter how much he hurt me. I would not do so.

__________________________

Fathers study was fast becoming my torture chamber.

I had tried again and failed to perform the Imperius Curse and father wasn’t pleased. The last session ended much the same as those before.

For this session he was focusing on the Cruciatus Curse.

This time he transfigured the candle on the table into a rat and demonstrated. “Crucio!”

Glee filled his face as the rat writhed in pain on the table, it shrieked incoherently as its eyes begged for the pain to stop. Father only stopped after a full minute had passed.

“Now you.”

I was trembling but did as I was told. Silently begging it not to work. “Cwucio!”

Father watched nothing happen again. This time there was no rage as he turned to me, he just commanded, “Strip.”

I looked at him in fear. “Father?”

He reached down and ripped my sundress from me then shoved me in front of him. The transfigured rat soon became a riding crop and father beat me with that.

Each slash stung like acid. I fell to my knees after the third blow, but he merely flicked his wand and uttered “Levicorpus.”

This was terrifying, I was in the air in front of him hanging my ankles. I could not even curl into a ball to protect my soft stomach from the riding crop.

He struck me over and over, each strike became harder and began to draw blood. I could feel its warmth tracing toward the ground like a mockery of the warmth of the kitchens. I could feel it as some of the slashes ripped strips of flesh off. I shuddered.

I knew I had brought this on myself, if I had used the Imperius Curse or even the Cruciatus Curse as he had wanted, I would not have to be whipped, but I also knew that if I allowed myself to resort to inflicting pain on innocents just so that I would not be hurt myself, I would find an excuse every time and I would become as dark and twisted as Voldemort and his Death Eaters. It will never happen!

Finally, I once again welcomed the darkness with open arms.

*****End of the first TRIGGER WARNING*****

__________________________

I spent the majority of those first few months learning to close off a portion of my mind to keep myself sane. Learning to let my body know when I needed to pay attention and learning how much I could handle at any given time.

My mind-scape was turning out to be pretty awesome. It was a place that I set to guard my thoughts as well as give solace to those who entered.

I had it quartered into the four seasons on the first ring. Each one was my ideal of those seasons.

Fall had deciduous trees in every shade as well as falling leaves. Big clouds raced across the bright sky. There was the smell of ice and rain in the air though neither ever happened. There was a cozy cottage that offered ever hot tea and always hot chocolate. There was a closet that held every sort of sweater and comfy pants imaginable. Truly, just imagine it and it will be provided. And it was always the perfect temperature to be wearing them.

Winter held soft wisps of clouds in the blue sky. The snow was deep and fluffy, with just the right amount of stick to build a snowman or an igloo. It also had the best places to have a snowball fight. There was an ice cabin here that held an ever warm fire and furs to snuggle in. It also gave warm soups and hot apple cider.

Spring was blustery and wet, the rain fell beautifully against the glass in the library that was there. It was the perfect weather to curl up and read with. Formidable cumulonimbus clouds rained down their tales in great flashes of light and loud claps of thunder. The library always had teas, cakes, and sandwiches ready for the pleasure of those inside.

Summer held not a cloud in the sky, and it was hot enough to entice you to swim in the crystal clear pond where you could swing into it by the rope held in the boughs of a giant maple tree. There was an ever present picnic under a willow, where any food you could want was there for the imagining. The shade under the trees was the perfect temperature to take a light nap in and you never burned under the sun.

The second ring was very much the same and at the same time very much different. This ring held the worst of those seasons.

Fall held hail, sleet, and flooding. Washed out roads, landslides, sickness, and death.

Winter was a white out blizzard where you couldn’t see an inch in front of your nose. Avalanches, icey mountain paths, and freezing death.

Spring was massive flooding and winds reaching tornado standards. Ice, sleet, rain, and watery deaths abounded.

Summer held blazing heat. It was hot enough to roast a person alive in minutes. Stagnant air, unending scorched earth, and dry death.

If you managed to pass those obstacles you encountered a forest filled with every deadly plant, every deadly animal, and every deadly myth, all both magical and mundane from both of my realities.

Passing that would truly be a great feat and so my fourth ring held sweet succor in your most wanted fashion. Getting stuck here would cause your death but it would be such a sweet death faced with your greatest desire you would wither away as your magic was siphoned out of you. This ring was inspired by the mirror of Erised.

If you made it past even that my fifth ring was a recreation of every painful thing I had ever experienced. Each room you pass through, you would have to live as me in the moment of the memory. Living my pain as I had.

The sixth ring was one of my favorites. It could be both a play room and a torturous adventure. This ring held a marathon of all movies I had ever seen in the form of a choose your own adventure story. There wasn’t only one right answer but you had to live with the answers you chose. If you could survive a bad choice the story would continue, if you failed then there would be damage to your brain, at least I thought there would be.

I had not finished the seventh, eighth, ninth or tenth rings yet. I needed something more extreme but also more mundane. Perhaps I would go over every muggle thing I could think of. Oh yes! Maybe a ring where they have to solve the puzzles with muggle items!

__________________________

*****TRIGGER WARNING*****ABUSE OF A MINOR*****

The next two years were pure hell. I didn’t really want to remember them, I received whippings, broken arms, broken legs, more broken ribs, more lacerations, more dislocations, and more bruises than I had ever gotten before, and that includes my last life. My body was covered in scars now. Big ones and small ones. Ones that would fade with time and ones that wouldn’t.

I had kept my vow though. I had not inflicted any Unforgivable on any innocent creature.

Instead of learning to perform them, I learned what it felt like to have them inflicted on myself.

The Cruciatus Curse was almost like my soul was being ripped from my body again, except there was no reprieve of death like before.

The Imperious Curse was by far the worst though. I had no control over myself at all, at least in the beginning, then after a while I could have resisted but knew that if I did, it would renew fathers flagging interest in me. This control made the Imperius Curse tolerable. I knew I had the ability to stop it when I needed to. Which made the Cruciatus Curse my main problem.

I had learned on my own how to do most spells silently and wandlessly in the time he allotted for my personal training of the Unforgivables. I estimated that I was in the third year of spell work at Hogwarts. I couldn’t be sure however, as the books had never gone into detail on what was actually taught. I would have to ask one of the house elves to acquire the school books for me. Not yet though. Voldemort was not yet dead. Soon. Very soon I would be able to put some of my other plans into action.

*****End of the second TRIGGER WARNING*****

Chapter Text

Chapter Five: Ignored Warnings

F ive times. That was the number of times I attempted to get the Potters to listen to me before they went under the Fidelius Charm. I had written to them and warned them of what was to come. Told them not to trust Pettigrew. They would not believe me. I could not meet them in person so they would not trust me. Even had they met me, they would not have trusted me anyways. I am the daughter of a Death Eater and a child. No one would believe someone like that.

I sighed in frustration at the latest missive from them. Re-reading it.

S hade,                                                                                                                  Oct 23, ‘81

 

We want to thank you for the information that you have provided, but we feel that this information is non-actionable at this time.

 

We do not know you and you have refused to meet us in person stating that it would not engender acceptance nor understanding. This revelation does not give us confidence that you have our best interest at heart. You are an unknown to us and therefore we cannot place our trust in someone so shrouded.

 

You used a muggle pen to write all of you missives and that just adds to the suspicion we feel towards you and your words. They cannot be verified in any way.

 

Your statement of ‘fact’, as you called it, to not trust Pettigrew is absurd. He is our friend and we do trust him.

 

Thank you for your ‘concern’ but our lives are worth more than to listen to the words of a person who will not meet us and will not reveal their true name. Our son is our concern. We will keep him safe as we see fit.

 

Please do not contact us again. We will not respond.

 

Regards,

  James Potter, Lord of House Potter

  Lily Potter née Evans, Lady of House Potter

 

I crumpled the parchment in irritation. They had written with a quill to prove that they were who they were while I had not. I could not risk them knowing who I truly am nor risk anyone finding out after they died if they ignored me, which they had. I truly hoped that they burned the letters I wrote, but I knew that they had complete faith in Dumbledore. They likely gave him each and every one to try and find out who I was.

There was no proof I had about Dumbledore, at least not yet, but things in the books worked too perfectly for him to be entirely Light. I was looking into his past, mainly his first rise to true power, his fight with Grindelwald. This was proving harder than it would first seem, too many people were no longer living. Coincidence? I think not!

Today was October 24, 1981, I had no more chances to get them to listen. Dumbledore would put them under the Fidelius Charm with Pettigrew as their Secret Keeper. This would seal their deaths in seven days.

Gritting my teeth in frustration I slammed my fists onto the small desk at which I sat. Now my only option to try and keep Harry out of the Dursley’s clutches was to convince the hot-headed Sirius Black to not go looking for Pettigrew after James and Lily were killed.

Opening my hands, I let the parchment fall onto the table and stared at my palms in dismay. I loved the Sirius in the books, and definitely wanted to keep him from Azkaban, but dealing with him for real seemed to be pointless. I could not even convince the most level headed of the Marauders how am I to convince the most brash one? I buried my face in my palms and ran my fingers into my hair in vexation.

Nothing for it but to try.

Padfoot,                                                                                                                                  Oct 24, ‘81

 

I am aware that you do not know who I am. I am also aware that the Potters, James and Lily, likely shared my missives to them with you.

 

I am begging you to heed my warnings.

 

Do NOT trust Peter Pettigrew with their whereabouts. Do NOT make him their Secret Keeper!

 

If you do, they will die October 31st.

 

Trust Moony, trust Prongs, trust yourself, but do NOT trust Pettigrew the Rat. He is a rat, not just his Animagus, his personality. He is working for Voldemort.

 

Yes I dared to write his name and I will dare to say it as well!

 

Don’t trust Dumbledore either. I know it sounds ludicrous, but please, believe me.

 

Should all my warnings go unheeded, Harry Potter will grow up in an abusive home and will be downtrodden and ridiculed for his entire adolescent life. He will have no one to rely on. He needs a guardian that will protect and nurture him. Someone who truly has his best interests at heart.

 

The Potters have decided to ignore my warnings, I am hoping that you will not.

 

I know it’s unlikely you will trust my advice anymore than the Potters did, so when they die, for your love of them and of Harry, DO NOT GO AFTER PETTIGREW! You will go to Azkaban as a Death Eater and Voldemort sympathizer!

 

I do not know how much more I can do to help you all stay alive and free to help Harry.

 

My situation is precarious as it is, but should Voldemort find the Potters through Pettigrew, he will be temporarily stopped by Harry. At that time I will have the ability to help at least a little more. I am sincerely hoping that it does not come to that, but should it do so, know that my first priority is trying to help Harry. I am prepared for the worst, I would suggest you take a good look at what it is you actually want.

 

Please heed my warnings.

 

Hoping for the best,

  Shade

I wasn’t sure what else I could write. He was likely not going to listen to me in any event.

Looking around my room I found that the tea I had requested from Moth had gone stone cold. Yes, in the last years I had been assigned my own room. Apparently my father had not known I was sleeping in the kitchens, once he found out, mother had been on the receiving end of his abuse for once. He’d yelled about how that was not proper Pureblood etiquette. Even if he was abusing me it was because he was teaching me and I was still a Pureblood child and should be treated with the respect one is due.

After that fight, father had demanded that mother teach me proper manners and the Pureblood histories. He also changed what he was teaching me, he began to teach me the family business and what was to be expected of me. These lessons were easier to learn and I was not physically abused so often anymore, but the other lessons still continued and they were just as unpleasant as always.

When I learned their lessons correctly, I was not praised, I was told that I was just doing as was expected and that I had to be perfect at all times. If I failed at something then I would be punished.

I looked at my arms and the scars that were visible there. I smiled wryly. “It’s a good thing I don’t mind scars…Hopper!”

Instantly the house elf was right beside me.

“Yes Little Mistress?” He squeaked out beaming at me.

Smiling in return, “It’s good to see you looking so well after,” I swallowed, “after last week.”

When he didn’t respond beyond a sad smile I continued, “I would like some more hot tea please.”

“Of course Little Mistress!” And off he popped taking the cold tea tray with him.

A few seconds later he was there again with steaming hot tea. “Anything else Little Mistress?”

“Yes, but this is a request and not an order. You are free to refuse if you want.” I paused to make sure he understood and when he nodded I continued, “I need this letter to be given to one Sirius Black. Then I need you to tail him without being seen or noticed by anyone. When the Aurors come for him, which should be on November 1st, I need you to get him out of there and to number twelve Grimmauld place, without being seen or followed. Once he is there you need to convince him to be nice to Kreacher, his house elf. If he cannot be nice to Kreacher, make sure he sends him to a separate Black property with orders to stay there and communicate with no one else besides Sirius Black. Can you do this for me?” 

“This is important to Little Mistress?”

“This is important for a great many reasons, but yes it is important to me.”

“Then I will do it. I will follow what you have asked me to do.”

“Thank you Hopper!” I hugged him and noticed we were the same size now. They really are the size of four year old children. “Please be careful.”

I had one more letter to write, at least I hoped it would help. Maybe they would be more receptive.

Frank and Alice Longbottom,                                                                                                      Oct. 24, ‘81

 

I sincerely hope that this letter finds you well.

 

I have information that you may find useful but will most definitely find disturbing.

 

First, if the Potters did not heed my warnings and advice, then on October 31st they will die. Voldemort will be temporarily halted, Harry will survive.

 

If Sirius Black does not heed my advice or warnings either then on November 1st, he will go after their Secret Keeper, Peter Pettigrew, he will fail to kill him, although it will look as though he succeeded. Sirius Black was not the Potters Secret Keeper, that was the rumor to try and lure out the real betrayer. Sirius Black will not be detained, I have seen to that. Not that I can do much more than that.

 

Do NOT trust Peter Pettigrew. Do NOT trust Dumbledore.

 

In the coming days you will most likely curse me. Asking why I could not do more. Who am I and other questions will plague your mind. I cannot answer any of those questions. I am in a very dangerous position myself.

 

I am writing not just to give you this news, but I am going to give you a warning as well. If the Potters die and Voldemort falls, then you two are in danger.

 

Frank will be kidnapped first, you will be tortured into insanity for not being able to give the Death Eaters what they want. Then Alice, they will do the same to you. Neville will grow up in the care of his grandmother and become a lonely shy boy who is ridiculed and made fun of.

 

In order to prevent this from happening, please, I urge you to get the Fidelius Charm placed with someone you absolutely trust as your Secret Keeper. Someone you know would die for you. NOT Pettigrew and NOT Dumbledore. You will only have days after their death in order to get this done. I am not sure precisely how long but things will move very quickly and so to should you.

 

I implore you to heed my warnings as the Potters did not.

 

The Death Eaters who will come after you first, if you manage to evade them, I am sure there will be others, are Bellatrix Lestrange, Rodolphus Lestrange, Rabastan Lestrange, and most surprisingly to you, Bartemius Crouch Jr.

 

If you do get caught and tortured, know that I will do my best to help Neville just as I will do my best to help Harry. I don’t know what I can actually do, but I will try everything I can.

 

I am begging you to heed my warnings, please be careful. Please let me at least change one bad thing that is going to happen.

 

I know you will not trust me, but please at least take precautions.

 

I hope to one day meet you both, still sane and as Neville's loving parents.

 

Warmest wishes,

  Shade

“Moth!” I called and held out the letter. Without waiting it was taken by the apparated house elf. “Please deliver this to the Longbottom family without being seen.”

“Of course Little Mistress. Is there anything else?”

“That will be all for now. Thank you.” I smiled in affection.

__________________________

Just days later my parents were called to their Dark Lord and given tasks to carry out for the next week. These tasks were likely meant as a distraction. Diversion tactics. Spreading the enemy's defense.

This meant that the Potters had indeed ignored my warnings and made Pettigrew their Secret Keeper. Pettigrew had then told Voldemort where he could find them. This meant that they would die in three days. I felt like crying, but I would not cry for fools. I had warned them, even if they did not trust me, they could have at least changed their Secret Keeper to be someone I did not name. They could have made one of themselves the Secret Keeper as well. I would not cry for them, but for Harry, I would, but later, not now. I had things to do. Important things.

The fact that my parents would be gone for a week meant that the house was mine. I could at least get some things done without having to worry that I would be found out.

I had to figure out how to get the house elves to do what I wanted without losing their trust. I needed the bodies of ten year old children…Look I know that sounds bad, but I wanted to bring my friends into this reality and if they were already dead then what did it matter? I never claimed to be Light minded. I am Grey. I will do what I want and get what I want, but I will not intentionally harm innocents.

I also needed to create a hidden dungeon for experimentation. Hidden so that no one could find it. I felt that this was the most likely to be the noisiest so I should get this done this week, then when the uproar starts, I will figure out what to say to the house elves to get them to acquire me the bodies I needed.

“Magpie!”

“Little Mistress, how can I help?” Her piping voice sounded so happy. She must know as well that the Masters were gone for a while.

“Magpie, I need the help of the house elves to create a room that no one but myself, or those with the password, can enter or even know of its existence. Can this be done?”

Magpie looked at me concerned. “Little Mistress, what do you need this room for?”

I was surprised that she had asked me a question rather than answering right away, “I need it for spell experimentation as well as dangerous other experiments. It will not be a safe place.”

“I know that you are very smart Little Mistress, I cannot believe that you are only four, but can you please tell me why you need this type of room, why you need to do spell experimentation and other dangerous experiments? Magpie is very worried, Little Mistress.”

Again I was surprised by her evasion, but I decided I would answer her to an extent, she was after all, the closest thing to a real parent I had in this life. I wasn’t really sure how to answer though. I couldn’t tell her the truth, or at least not the whole truth.

“Magpie, I am not like my parents nor many other wizards and witches. I am different. There is so much more I know already, but there is so much more to learn. I need to see if I can achieve more. I know I am young right now, but I also know that right now is when I am most free of supervision, I have the most time to devote to something. Later I will be in school and have more notice taken of what I am doing…These things I want to try are not rooted in the Light nor are they rooted in the Dark, I am trying to be Grey in all that I do.”

Her giant blue orbs studied me intensely before she answered after what seemed like hours. “It is true, what Little Mistress says. I will help you with the room. What does it need?”

“Thank you Magpie, you have no idea what your trust means to me.” And that was true. I had spent weeks trying to get the Potters and Sirius to trust me and being shot down, even with the best of intentions, it hurt. “I need it to be reinforced with many spells to keep any noise or vibrations from leaking out as well as keeping it from collapsing. It will need to be very large, contain all potion making equipment and ingredients as well as a dozen medical beds and equipment. It will also need all standard spell components.”

Her eyebrows rose in surprise.

“I know, that’s a lot, but I really do need it. Oh! And before I forget!” I pulled out the secret stash and stolen galleons. “First, I need to go visit Gringotts. Can you take me?”

“Of course Little Mistress. Grab your cloak and Magpie will take you.”

Grinning, I did as I was bid and grabbed my cloak. I wrapped it around my shoulders and grabbed my stolen bag of galleons. As Magpie grabbed hold of my elbow I smiled remembering that each of these stolen coins was a slap in my fathers face. He thought he’d lost them or had already spent them. I was not opposed to using the Imperius Curse on someone who deserved it.

I found myself outside of Gringotts looking at its famous poem:

Enter, stranger, but take heed

Of what awaits the sin of greed

For those who take, but do not earn,

Must pay most dearly in their turn.

So if you seek beneath our floors

A treasure that was never yours,

Thief, you have been warned, beware

Of finding more than treasure there.

The multi-storied edifice was a pure snowy white that leaned crazily at each floor. The whole mad building made me smile in happiness. I love magic!

Chapter Text

Chapter Six: Gringotts

U pon entering Gringotts, I was met with quite the sight. Goblins were more like the D&D fifth edition goblins than the ones in the movies. This didn’t deter me though. I knew what to expect. I had read a great many FanFics as well as lore for goblins. I had a few different plans on how to deal with them.

Magpie had stayed outside out of sight and knew to get me home as soon as she saw me emerge, so I was on my own.

I walked up to one of the goblins that did not have a wizard already there and waited patiently for xe to acknowledge my presence.

Minutes ticked by but I remained patient.

Fifteen minutes passed before the goblin sighed, “What does a pipsqueak like you want?”

I bared my teeth in a manner reminiscent of their own smiles, “Greetings, may your vaults be overflowing with gold and your enemies bleed out at your feet.”

The goblin flinched and then looked more closely at me. “May your gold run deep and your enemies give way before your might…How may we assist you little warrior?”

This time my smile was more natural. “I would like to speak to someone for the purpose of creating my own account and making investments. I would also like to have my inheritance test performed at a later date.”

The goblin studied me closely and eyed the large bag in my arms. “Very well. Please wait over there for a while.”

“Of course, thank you. May the blood of your enemies flow as a river and your hammer ring true.”

Again the goblin looked surprised. “May your enemies flee before you and your magic never fade.”

This time I bowed in the wizard fashion and went to sit where xe had indicated. It never hurt to give full courtesies to someone who would be dealing with your money and your food. Too often people took for granted those who they thought of as less than themselves.

Another fifteen minutes passed before a much older goblin emerged and made its way to me.

“Greetings, may your vaults be overflowing with gold and your enemies bleed out at your feet.” Xe growled.

“May your gold run deep and your enemies give way before your might.” I responded with the same snarl. Then I set the bag between my feet and held out both arms palms up.

Surprise colored this goblins features before it stepped forward and grabbed my forearms with its hands as I did the same. The full ritual greeting performed.

“Cregz was correct. You will do well with a Senior Account Manager as your specialist.”

“Many thanks to Cregz and to you Senior Account Manager.” I didn’t know xe’s name so I provided mine. “I am Septima Sextus Nivea Wroxton. I would be pleased if you called me Septima and disregarded my foul parentage.”

The goblin blinked at me in both amusement and wariness. “I am Cruikal. Follow me Septima.”

“Of course Senior Account Manager Cruikal.” I smiled at the small flinch from the goblin as I bent and retrieved my bag of galleons. Apparently they were used to having wizards ignorant of their ways and were unaccustomed to treating wizards with the respect they reserved for one of their own. I was making their lives a little more interesting.

Cruikal led me to a very large room at the end of a series of halls. On the door was a very ornate plate reading: Senior Account Manager Cruikal the Ruthless. As this was written in Gobbledegook I knew that most if not all of the wizarding world ignored the blatant warning.

Oh this was going to be fun.

Cruikal motioned me to one of the chairs and I stood by it and waited for xe to sit before I sat.

I was using all the pooled knowledge on goblins I had ever read in order to approximate their culture and rituals. I seemed to be doing very well.

“Your mannerisms are very like that of our Upper Courts. Are you acquainted with any goblins?”

Flashing my teeth in a goblins grin, I replied, ”Not in this incarnation.”

This truly confused my new associate, but I didn’t bother elaborating. Xe watched me suspiciously but when I did not continue xe did. “How may I assist you today?”

“I would like to open a vault of my own, inaccessible to anyone I don’t give permission to. It will not have a single Knut in it to start. These fifteen hundred galleons are to be split equally and you are to invest in the muggle stocks of Apple, Microsoft, Wal-Mart, Coca-Cola, M&T bank, and Sun Microsystems. Use the money made on these to buy more. In 1999 when the stock for Sun Microsystems reaches 309 USD per share, liquidate it. Sell it, as quickly as possible, it will tank shortly thereafter. Then use that to purchase stock in Verizon and AT&T.”

Cruikal blinked at me in amazement. “What?”

“I would like to open a vault of my own, inaccessible to anyone-“

“No, I heard you.” Xe cut me off before I could reiterate the whole thing. “How do you know all that?”

“Does it matter?”

“If you have information on the future I would like to capitalize on it.”

Grinning, I responded, “You wish to use me for your own gain?”

“Absolutely.” A firm response.

“I suppose that can be arranged. You would be my only goblin. No other goblin would get any commission from me until or unless you die or retire. Your commission fees are, what, ten percent now?”

Xe nodded in agreement.

“How does twenty percent sound?”

The goblins' very inhuman-like face made a very human look of surprise and fascination. “What would you need for this deal to become a reality?”

“I want full anonymity on certain transactions and full secrecy on all our dealings. I will also provide you with information on the questions that you ask, I won’t go out of my way to provide you with information on questions you don’t ask. I will, however, give information I feel beneficial to both of us. If for any reason you feel I am making a bad choice, let me know, I will either reconsider or tell you why it is not. I will also need the same from you. All answers will be truthful, if we cannot say the truth or provide the requested information for any reason, we remain silent. I will also let you have free reign on my vaults so long as you follow my wishes. Also, I want a free inheritance test done, this will provide you with the proof you need to take my offer. Does that sound agreeable to you and Gringotts?”

Cruikals mouth was slightly open in astonishment and a healthy amount of respect. “How old are you?”

Flashing my teeth at him I spoke again, “Are my terms agreeable Senior Account Manager Cruikal?”

“Yes. I will abide by them.”

“Good.” I smiled, “I am four years old.”

The goblin had been getting up from xes chair when I told him how old I was. This was the first time I had ever heard of, let alone seen, a goblin fall. Mostly they were quick on their feet and could avoid falling in almost every case, but this information caught Cruikal so off guard the xe fell to xes knees.

“Senior Account Manager Cruikal, has the enemy of all, age, taken you by surprise?”

A bellow of laughter came from the other side of the desk and this time it was my turn to blink in surprise.

“You! You’re four?!” This time there were chortles of merriment. “Little Warrior, you terrify me!”

Cruikal straightened and looked directly at me, xes eyes were positively alight with respect and camaraderie.

“In this incarnation, yes, I am four years old.”

“I will get the tools ready for the inheritance test.”

“Many thanks Senior Account Manager Cruikal.”

The goblin varily sprinted out the door. Amused, I waited, though I didn’t have to wait long for my goblin specialist to arrive once again.

“I have informed the Inheritance Team that they have a high profile client of mine incoming and that all details are to remain strictly confidential with no one outside those involved in performing and yourself, ever be informed.”

“One point I forgot to include in this, and without it, there will be no deal. Never tell Dumbledore a single thing about me or our dealings.”

The goblins' eyes went wide and cunning. “Glad to see you are not the fool the rest have come to be. I will abide by this as all the others.”

I bowed my head in gratitude. “Many thanks Senior Account Manager Cruikal.”

I followed where my comrade led. We went deeper into Gringotts where the marble slowly changed to black. It felt like I was walking into the bowels of a great beast. All light soon fled but I could still see myself and Cruikal. I could not see even a hint of the floor or the walls. There was nothing to see other than us.

We walked for a total of about twenty minutes before I saw in front of me an elaborate and ornate gold door. It stood twenty feet high and ten feet wide. It glowed in the darkness like a beacon.

“Do not touch the doors.”

“I was not planning on it. They are goblin forged and deadly beautiful.”

“You should have been born a goblin, Little Warrior.”

“Perhaps, but I will make do with what I am in this incarnation.”

Again Cruikal chortled, then he reached out one long thin finger and stroked the doors. They dissolved like gallium and pooled to each side creating a walkway. Again the room beyond was as black as death, I should find the uncanny resemblance frightening, but it feels welcoming instead.

We walked further into the dark before Cruikal spoke again. “You will need to lay on the slab in front of you for the duration of the test. It will be painful and long.”

“It always is. Do you have a potion to help with the after effects that will be provided?”

“Of course.”

I nodded and stepped forward, I could see no slab but knew that if Cruikal said it was there, then it was. After a moment more, I found it and positioned myself on it.

“Good luck Little Warrior.”

I shuddered, if a goblin was wishing me luck in the wizard manner, this was going to hurt, a lot.

Glowing lines in rainbow hues started to snake around me in a three dimensional spell. Then the gold sprang up from the floor and began forming runes to assist. Floating runes and smoke like lines of power swirled with light around me.

Five voices raised in Gobbledegook chanted around me:

By Lady Magic

By Lord Death

We seek the truth that lies in Blood

Tell the Tales of those long past

Give us knowledge, this we ask.

By Lady Magic

By Lord Death

Pull the truth that lies in Blood

Scribe the Tales of those tragic lost

Spill the knowledge for the cost.

I was only mildly discomfited by the wording. It sounded pretty standard for a spell to me.

They repeated this chant three times before anything started to happen with the lines of power and the glowing runes.

The lines seemed to stop their lazy shifting and snapped to attention. The runes seemed to blaze with power. Suddenly they started to whirl around me in a maelstrom of intent. Then they swirled through my body.

The pain was awful, almost like burning, but it was cold too. This wasn’t like the Cruciatus Curse, nor like dying, not even like being born. I could handle this pain with mild grunts and whimpers. I would not give in and scream though.

I could feel surprise from those chanting, their tones were of a higher pitch than when they started, but they didn’t falter with their chant. They were professionals and would do their jobs.

The magic burrowed itself deeper into my body and started to seek out my soul as well as my magic core. I broke out in a cold sweat but didn’t cry out. The fire and ice intensified in my body seeking out every last crevice it could.

I shuddered with the feeling of being frozen solid and with being burned alive. I was coming to appreciate just how unpleasant this ritual was, just how unpleasant an Inheritance Test was. I now knew why most wizards and witches chose the much smaller and easier Blood Line Test that just showed who they were related to and what magics they could have, but I also knew that this Test was the best to convince Cruikal and I needed to know what all it would show.

The Blood Line Test was also quite a bit cheaper. This Test would have cost me five-hundred galleons on my own, but because it was part of the deal, it was free for me. Cruikal would have to foot the bill. A Blood Line Test was only a hundred galleons, still too expensive for a lot of wizarding families, but worth it to the Purebloods.

I was letting the pain wash through me without making any more noise as I focused on other, more menial things.

Then the magic entered my Mind Scape, or rather, it got lost when trying to do so.

Outside of my musings I heard the surprised tones again, this time they were mixed with worry. They could not stop the test, but they could not proceed, my mind was keeping them out.

I felt a presence at my side and looked over, Cruikal stood there with a look of consternation, “You will have to let down your shields to allow the magic entry to complete the test.”

I grimaced through my pain but understood. For the first time since I had created my Mind Scape I allowed a path to form to the center.

The magic rushed down the pathway with a sonic boom, my mind screamed in agony but not a sound passed my lips. Not for lack of trying on my part this time. This time my lungs were frozen.

Having the magic of five goblins aided by Lady Magic and Lord Death rampaging through your mind is a very unpleasant experience. That’s the understatement of the millennia!

Glacial Ice and Infernal Fire rioted in my body, mind, and soul, until finally they all connected and there was peace. It felt like a warm spring breeze blew through my being refreshing me after a frenzied storm of death.

I automatically sighed with the comfort of it and my body visibly relaxed and the goblins continued chanting in Gobbledygook.

Each minute that passed after the initial madness of the spell brought me closer to full peace, but brought the goblins more piercing tones to their chanting.

It must be working then. It must be showing what I went through and whatever magics I can inherit. It would be interesting to see it when the magic finished running its course.

Total zen.

I was one with the world and the world was one with me. I could feel the life of the planet as well as every blade of grass, every tree, every plant. I could feel the people walking on the surface, I could feel the people swimming in all the oceans. My breath was the breath of the winds, the storms of the oceans, the life in the trees. My heart, the heart of the planet, my veins pulsed with the magic of the earth. I sighed in contentment and the planet sighed with me.

Pure bliss.

There was no conflict worth it for me to engage in, there were no wars worth me fighting in, no pain to feel. The small squabbles of those on my being were of no consequence to me. I made sure all was balanced. I would favor no people over any other.

With a jolt I realized that I was feeling what Lady Magic and Lord Death felt and I was intruding on their territory and their beings.

I felt mild amusement and surprise, not my own, but theirs. A feeling that I was the first in a very long time to connect with them in this way. I also felt their acceptance of me in their world. They knew I came from a separate reality, one that could not sustain them but knew that I came to create not to destroy. Knew that I came to correct the wrongs that I saw in this world. Knew that I came to help not hinder.

The peace I felt this time was my own. I was accepted for what I wanted to do, for what I was. This was the first time I had truly been accepted by something that knew all of me. I had been accepted in small parts by those I loved, but these two beings saw all of me, all of my thoughts, and all of my actions. They saw me in each incarnation and still accepted me. True peace for the first time in my lives. A peace and confidence that I had never felt before.

I would not betray their trust. I would do my best.

Acknowledgement and then sorrow. I was confused for a moment and then understood. There would be the intense pain from before when they left the closed circuit of magic. Life is Pain. I responded with wry amusement. I got to use that line twice now!

Again I was assailed with the mind numbing cold and the soul charing heat. It ripped its way out of my mind, as soon as it left I eradicated the trail I had created for it to use, it tore its way out of my soul, and seared its way out of my body.

I was left shaking in torment on a cold stone slab in the eye of the glorious maelstrom of magic. Then it abruptly fell silent, the glowing lines of power and the fiery runes fell to the floor like rain before disappearing entirely as if they never were.

The silence was broken by Cruikals growling voice. “You, Little Warrior, are a wonder.”

I grinned wolfishly, “Of course I am.”

Chapter Text

Chapter Seven: Surprises

The seven of us were back in Cruikals office now. All six goblins seemed nonplussed at whatever results they had seen. I was unsure what they had seen, but was amused by their reactions, in pain as I was though, I could not enjoy it.

“Senior Account Manager Cruikal I would very much appreciate that potion right about now.”

Each of their reactions was very different and very odd, almost like they were in the presence of someone very important.

I managed to raise an eyebrow at their antics while Cruikal brought me the potion.

At the first hellish flavor of the potion, I blanched. It tasted of rubber tires and spoiled milk and had the texture of cheese at its turning point. It clung to the tongue like algae on rocks.

I gagged and nearly lost it, I chewed my tongue trying to rid myself of the sensation. That had been the singular most unpleasant thing I had ever had the displeasure of ingesting.

My face must have shown my disgust plain as day for the goblins began to chuckle a little at my discomfort.

The relief I had from my throbbing head, my aching body, and my screaming soul was instantaneous. I felt as I had before the Inheritance Test had begun. I sighed with the sudden relief from pain.

“I can see why that particular potion is not widely accepted, even if it works wonders.”

The vicious grins were more evident now, but I ignored that and asked for my results. This had the effect of wiping every face back to the previous look. They were puzzled and a little awed. I could not fathom what they had seen, but found myself of much the same opinion as they were once I began reading the spidery iridescent script:

Name:

  Septima Sextus Nivea Wroxton neé ‘Sheryl Jean Jones (Deceased)’

 

Age:

  4 years + ‘unknown’

 

Magic Inherited:

  Morgan le Fay (No blood connection; performed inheritance feat ‘not specified’)

  Polyglot (‘Source Unknown’ granted)

  Eidetic memory (‘Source Unknown’ granted)

  ‘Source Unknowns’ Conversationalist (‘Source Unknown’ granted)

 

Soul Titles:

  Straddler of Realities

  Reincarnatee

  Time Traveler

 

Soul Tethers:

  Cause Unknown

  Cause Unknown

  Cause Unknown

 

Gifts:

  Sanctioned by Lady Magic

  Sanctioned by Lord Death

 

Other Titles:

  Heir of House Wroxton

  Little Mistress (house elf granted)

  Little Warrior (goblin granted)

 

“I wasn’t expecting Lady Magic and Lord Death to accept me.” I said inanely as I kept my surprise to myself on a few of the other points.

“That’s all you have to say about it?!” Cruikal burst out in exasperation.

“Mmm.” I murmured.

“Blood of my sire!” Xe spit in expletive.

“May your Sire bleed his foes dry.” I responded with my teeth bared in an approximation of their smiles. “I take it this is enough of a confirmation of my words for you to sign a contact with me, Senior Account Manager Cruikal?”

“Yes of course.”

“Good,” I purred as I pinned the other goblins with a feral gaze, “before the rest of you leave though, I want a bound oath in Gobbledegook that none of this information will ever be communicated in any way to any other creature without my express permission.”

There was an uncomfortable shifting around the room, almost like they were hoping I would forget. This information was sure to make waves in both the Goblin and Wizarding communities were it to get out, and they were hoping I would take a verbal promise so that they could worm their way around it, thus they could have made quite the hefty sum in selling the information. I had, however, thwarted that by demanding it in writing, had it not been in Gobbledegook they could still have found loopholes in the English language, but Gobbledegook was open to no such ambiguity. Gobbledegook was as ironclad as any language could be as it took into account the intent and magic of those agreeing to its words.

“Senior Account Manager Cruikal if you would be so kind as to get that written out, I will review it and sign first, that way my intentions are clear.” A flash of my teeth in an overbearing manner made my meaning clear.

A belly laugh of pure delight came from my accounts manager as he did as I asked. I could tell he was amused by my thoroughness as well as the immaturity of their underestimation of who they were dealing with.

It took only moments for the bound oath to be written as I had specified:

The goblin oath signatories below will never reveal any information regarding the bound signatory listed below.

 

None of the information, or any conclusions drawn thereof, gathered from today, Oct 29th 1981, onwards will ever be communicated in any way to any other creature without the bound signatories express permission.

 

Binder:                                                          Oaths:

I signed my name with the Blood Quill provided under the ‘Binder’ category and slid the paper to Cruikal. Xe signed under the ‘Oaths’ category with the same Blood Quill, then xe slid it to the edge of the desk and each of the other goblins stepped forward, signing under the ‘Oaths’ just as Cruikal had done.

When this was complete I held my hand out for the Blood Quill and once it was handed to me, I set it ablaze with a silent Flagrante Curse while simultaneously casting a silent Flame-Freezing Charm on my hand so that it only tickled and didn’t burn.

An audible collective gulp came from those surrounding me and I looked up to be met with wide eyes. “What?”

Cruikal shifted uncomfortably before answering, “That was silent, wandless, and simultaneous casting.”

“Yes. It was.” I shrugged. “I have spent four years perfecting it.”

Spluttered words, none of them intelligible came from all the goblins present.

I was exasperated, “Oh for the blood of my sires! Come now, you cannot have forgotten my Inheritances so quickly, it just happened.”

All of them glanced at the paper I still held in my off hand and then back at me. There was disbelief in their eyes, almost like they hadn’t really believed their own Test. It had not actually sunk in yet, what they had read. They believed it intellectually but not on a deeper level.

I sighed, but pressed forward with my business. “Senior Account Manager Cruikal, I would be pleased if we could get to my vaults today and the papers I will need to sign for our own contract.”

“Of course Little Warrior. I will get that processed presently.” He shooed the other goblins out of his office and sat to prepare the formal documents and to fill out the new vault acquisition paperwork.

“Everything pertaining to our deals and my accounts should be maintained in Gobbledegook only.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way with you Little Warrior. For my own sake and yours. You are going to be a formidable enemy or an invaluable ally. I would like to remain as the latter.”

Nodding my head in agreement I let Cruikal get back to the papers. Minutes ticked by and grew into an hour, still I remained seated and composed waiting for the goblin to complete the required papers so that I would be able to read them over before signing. I would never again sign anything without reading it first. I had made that mistake in my first incarnation and ended up owing a great deal of money to a shady phone company. Never. Again.

I grimaced slightly at the memory but flattened out my expression with ease and continued waiting for another forty-five minutes.

Cruikal held up a stack of papers and handed them across the desk to me, I of course, could not reach so I used a silent Leviosa to get the stack to me so that I could remain in the very comfortable chair.

Once I had them I took fifteen minutes to read through them thoroughly and found no mistakes in the execution of them. Xe had been very scrupulous in making sure there were no loopholes for either of us. We both had something to gain and something to lose. Cruikal had essentially made me an equal, which was something that goblins did not do. They would try to gain an advantage no matter who the opponent was.

I looked up at Cruikal and noticed that xe was busy filling out the other documents and was not paying attention to me in the slightest.

Smiling, more than pleased with the terms, and a little surprised, I picked up another Blood Quill then signed and dated the contract and set it on the edge of the desk.

“Little Warrior, in order to set up your secure vault, we will need to travel to it.”

“That will be acceptable,” I nodded in understanding while sliding the bundle of parchment closer to Cruikal, “but first we finish the contract, we don’t want any mistakes.”

Cruikals savage grin in response let me know that I had impressed xe again. Xe picked up the bundle, took fifteen minutes to read through it, making sure I had not made any changes, then signed and dated it with the same Blood Quill. This time Cruikal incinerated the used item after placing it in a metal bowl on his desk. I had noticed it before but had not made the connection.

Neither of us mentioned that as we both moved towards the door to descend into the bowels beneath Gringotts.

The Gringotts carts were better than any roller coaster in my previous life. The thrill of it had me squealing in delight as a real four year old would. I was flushed with giddy happiness and filled with exuberance.

“That made my blood sing!” I grinned, turning to Cruikal, who was watching me with undisguised amusement.

“It sings in our blood as well.” Then xe turned from me and approached the black door. “It will require your blood and mine to lock this vault to you and give me access.”

I shrugged and walked up beside Cruikal. “Sure.”

“Palm on the door please.”

Doing so at the same time as Cruikal, I felt a sharp sting in the palm of my hand but didn’t pull it back, instead I waited and watched for the signal from my goblin. When xe moved, so too did I.

“This vault can only be opened by you or by myself. If you wish to add another to the vault spells, you will need to repeat this process.”

“Understood.”

Finally, all my tasks at Gringotts were done. Climbing back into the cart we made our way back out of the banks’ underbelly, once again, I was filled with the pure exhilaration of the wildest roller coaster in two worlds!

Before I left Cruikal I bent forward and whispered in Gobbledegook so that no one else could hear, “On the 31st the Potters will die, and Voldemort will be temporarily taken down.”

Cruikal stiffened in utter surprise and looked at me with apprehension.

I straightened and said in a normal tone, “Use that information how you want.”

Slowly xe nodded in acceptance.

“Senior Accounts Manager Cruikal, many thanks to you, may the blood of your enemies flow as a river and your hammer ring true.”

He looked immensely pleased and responded in kind, closing the ritual. “May your enemies flee before you and your magic never fade.”

Nodding, I finally exited the bank and nearly hexed my assailant into dust before I recognized that it was Magpie who fairly threw herself onto me and not an enemy.

“Oh! Little Mistress!” Even in the middle of this exclamation, she followed her orders and immediately returned us to the Wroxton Manor.

“Is something the matter Magpie?” I asked anxiously.

“Little Mistress was gone for so long! Magpie thought something went wrong! Magpie couldn’t come looking for you, your orders were to wait!” She sobbed into my neck as I patted her on the back trying to calm her down.

It was jarring to my senses to deal with the house elves after spending the majority of the day with the goblins. The two creatures' mannerisms were diametrically opposed. The suddenness of the change nearly gave me mental whiplash.

Rolling my eyes at my own thoughts I continued to soothe Magpie, murmuring that nothing went wrong and that the goblins did not take advantage of me, until she had calmed down enough to release me.

“Are you okay now?”

“Magpie is alright Little Mistress, but please tell Magpie if it will take that long again. Those goblins’ can be very nasty.”

Smiling sadly at the prejudiced comment I responded, “I’m sure they can Magpie, but so can everyone else.” I was surprised that the house elves had any such prejudice in them, but then I had to remind myself that all peoples held preconceived notions about a great many things. It saddened me to know though, that even the house elves, kind and generous that they were, could still hold such views.

This statement gave Magpie pause as she thought it over and realized her error. Understanding that the wizards and witches I had been acquainted with so far had been worse than anything the goblins could have done to me. “You’re right Little Mistress. Magpie is sorry.”

“It’s alright Magpie, just remember that in every race there are bad individuals and good individuals, while most are just doing the best they can with what they’ve been dealt.”

Magpie nodded her head so hard that her ears flapped.

“I will likely become friends with some very, well at least in the eyes of most of society, unsavory sorts. I want to be able to make friends with anyone I think is worthy of my friendship regardless of their backgrounds or curses on them. Is it so wrong to ask that my chosen family also accept them?” This time I looked pleadingly at Magpie, trying to convey how important this was for me.

“Oh Little Mistress. Magpie will do her best to make any friends you have feel warm and welcome. We all will. If they are friends of the Little Mistress, we house elves are happy to have them.” Her large eyes were wet with unshed tears and beamed with pride.

“Thank you Magpie.” I said simply. Then I continued.

“So how long do you think my special room will take?” I knew the subject change was tactless and graceless, but I only had so much time before my parents would return and I needed to get everything in order before that. Afterall, in four years this was the first time they had left me without one or the other in the manor with me.

“Magpie will need to talk with Moth and the others, but maybe a week?”

“I take it you will be using house elf magics to get the manor to accept a new room being built below it?”

Again Magpie nodded.

I lost myself in thought for a while and began mumbling to myself as I thought out the logistics of the type of room I wanted. “If I could manage to, I would prefer a Newt Scamander approach to this...perhaps that would be too blatant though, and beginning to carry around a suitcase at this age would be suspicious...But it's hard to pass up a portable experiment room...I suppose I will have to stick with a physical room for now and maybe after I have perfected the Undetectable Extension Charm...That’s illegal though...So it would have to a normal Extension Charm maybe couples with a less complicated Fidelius Charm…”

After I finished that train of thought I looked at Magpie who seemed content to let me continue on in my own world, and didn’t appear to care about the illegalities of what I was muttering in the slightest. She looked content to just watch me.

I flushed at the scrutiny she'd been giving me. I wasn’t used to going off on tangents where anyone would notice me, at least not ones that were audible.

I cleared my throat, “So, where do you think the most inconspicuous place for the entrance would be?”

Magpie smiled and pointed to my fireplace. I brightened in childish delight, “A secret entrance hidden in the fireplace to a secret laboratory where secret things happen!”

I was giddy with the cliché and gothic teen fantasy! Oh yes! This would be awesome!

“Yes!” I nearly shouted before I realized just how excited I had become, I cleared my throat again and continued in a normal volume but still excited tone, “Yes, please. Let’s do that!”

Magpie disappeared and went to go discuss it with the other house elves and I was left to my own devices to quell my overenthusiastic anticipation, which was not easy, but I managed by focusing on learning and casting the Extension Charm. I would eventually need it. The Extension Charm would be invaluable for school and life.

I would like to have all books and items for any type of magic I may need all readily available, and the only way I would be able to do that would be to have full control over the Extension Charm. This particular charm was proving to be problematic though. I could not work out the full logistics in my mind. It felt like my visual on it was too vague. I either needed to have a concrete image fixed in my mind or understand the theory behind it.

Sighing, I decided to try and create a concrete image rather than understand the full theory right now. Once I could accomplish the charm, then I would look into the theory on how to improve it for my specific uses. I could also have too grandiose an idea of the Extension Charm if I focused too closely on Newt Scamander's bag. I mean, who wouldn’t want that bag! It was glorious and I was jealous, but perhaps that was hindering my ability to do the spell.

For now though, I sat in the middle of my bed and meditated, falling into my Mind Scape to review every visual I could on anything remotely like the Extension Charm, including all the Harry Potter movies that pertained to having an Extension Charm. I gave myself the goal of being able to caste it successfully by the time the house elves were done creating my Laboratory. That gave me a week.