Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The sun fell in the sky. It was my favourite time of day as the horizon glowed with pinks and burnt orange. It signalled the end of our drive and Dean’s last-ditch effort at avoidance. The picturesque scene settled over the ocean, it was perfect. Dean sat on the right of me, perched on Baby’s hood, with one black boot placed carefully on the chrome bumper. We’d been drinking in silence for an hour, the beers had progressively got warmer and a spring chill cooled the exposed skin of my neck.

“So, we gonna discuss this?” I broached, a little tired of his avoidance but not surprised by it. If Dean was anything he was consistent. His strong fingers tightened on the damp glass of the bottle, taking a swig, he swallowed then sighed with annoyance, “Why do we have to talk about it? You’re such a pain in my ass.”

Anger flicked a low burn in my gut, “Because you’re the ass and as your friend, it is my sworn duty to tell you when you’ve moved on into ass-dom.”

“I am not-”

“Yes. You are,” I growled, my patience sliding away at his denial.

“But Cas-”

I lept off the hood and began pacing, “I will talk to Cas but you’re the one who won’t discuss it right now, Dean.” I glared, one hand on my hip with my back to the beautiful sunset, I lost my anger to the emotion spreading over his face, pain. I knew that pain, that loss, I felt it but unlike my pain, his could be fixed if he’d stop being so god damn stubborn.

“You’re so beautiful when you’re angry,” he replied with a shallow grin.

I froze, “Oh shut up, flattery will get you nowhere.” But it always did a little, perks of being bisexual I suppose and having a very attractive best friend, his compliments always boosted my ego.

He frowned, “Damn, that usually works. You’re really mad huh?”

“No, I’m just… dumbfounded,” I sighed and sat in the grass on the verge of the road. Sand slid around my converse as I settled into place.

“Oh no, big words, you’re really serious? You think talking will solve this thing?”

I found myself doubting for a second, it was because it hit so close to home. It was a fleeting second of doubt and then gone because they weren’t me, their relationship wasn’t mine but these guys were my OTP, my one true pair. I wouldn’t, I couldn’t in good conscience let it lie or let it fail. “Yeah,” I said and it came out hoarse, tears threatened but swallowing hard I gained control. No crying. Dean didn’t respond well to crying.

“We just couldn’t… he kept saying we need to talk about kids... so I left.”

I froze, my hand halfway to picking another shell from the sand. Glancing up at his wonderfully symmetrical face I frowned, “You just left, you didn’t even hear him out?”

Surprise crossed his features and he met my eyes, “You really haven’t spoken to him?”

“No,” I huffed, “You dragged me out of a meeting and told me to, and I quote, ‘get in loser, I need a drive’. When exactly would I have had time to discuss it with him?”

Dean shrugged, “I- I figured he’d called.”

Shaking my head I stood and leaned back on the worn-looking wooden fence that enclosed the bay, the waves crashed, a relaxing hum behind me as they caressed the sand.

“Oh.”

“Dean, tell me what the big deal is.”

Silence and something like worry wrinkled his brow. Worry for who? Then it clicked, for me, he was worried about me so I added, “It’s okay. You won’t trigger anything okay? I swear, I’ll cry on the inside like a winner.”

That forced a genuine smile as relief replaced the worry, “He wants kids, I know he does.”

Frowning, I stepped closer, “You didn’t stick around long enough to discuss it, how would you know?”

His arm paused mid-lift as he pressed the bottle to full lips, no reply came as he downed the now warm liquid. The silence was almost peaceful if you ignored the intensity at which Dean stared at the sea, “It’s Cas,” he replied, “You know how much he...feels.”

“You can feel good around kids and like kids without wanting kids,” I replied, My heart ached at the memory of Amara storming out as I said no, even adoption. She didn’t understand, she hadn’t seen what I’d seen. She didn’t get it, I didn’t need more responsibility, I had the world to look after.

That made him look at me, there must have been more pain in my tone than I could hide, “She knew who you were, she knew what you wanted.”

“Do you think maybe you’re just projecting?” I said ignoring his statement, it hadn’t mattered what she knew, she’d figured I’d change my mind. ”You’re seeing what I went through and think it’s better that Cas goes off and finds someone who wants kids?” My back relaxed against the old wood fence, as the falling sun beat its warmth on my skin. For my armchair psychological analysis, I got a raised eyebrow and a shrug. Awesome.

“I don’t know what Cas want’s Dean other than you, I don’t think he wants anything and if you’re not ready for kids then-”

“No,” he said, gaze unwavering on the clouds that littered the horizon, “I don’t want them at all.”

It was my turn to stare, “but when I broke up with Amara you didn’t say anything…”

“I know, I figured I might change my mind… that it would just happen you know but then you did that and you were sure. Then I knew I was too. It wasn’t a problem until-”

I sighed, “Until Cas asked.”

Dean nodded, adjusting his foot on baby’s chrome, “How do I stop him from having something he wants? You’ve seen him with Jack, he’s amazing… it makes him so happy but I can’t. For the same reasons as you, we’re hunters… I don’t know how to tell him without wrecking his world and telling him about all the crap out there.”

Moving towards him I replied, “You don’t know if that’s what he wants, you gotta talk to him and if you have to tell him then you just do. You didn’t think you could hide it from him forever did you?”

Resignation finally settled in around the 5th beer. Again, his silence spoke volumes and I added, “We can sleep this off here tonight and then tomorrow you can go talk to your man.”

With a begrudging nod, he caved. I grabbed the blanket from the bag I kept in Baby for these very excursions, laying it on the sandy grass verge. The alcohol helped me to slip into a deep sleep and before I knew it the birds were chirping accompanying the sunrise into the sky.

Chapter Text

Dean yawned and growled something about coffee, I agreed, coffee was life juice, I didn’t trust anyone who hated coffee. Before we could begin the journey back we had to find a diner. It didn’t take long as there was a well-reviewed place a few miles down the road, one dude on Yelp described it as ‘Weird but wonderful with food to scream for’ and it made much more sense when you considered the pace was called Spookies: Where Halloween never dies. He tried to hide his excitement on seeing the tacky looking decor but couldn’t and punctuated it with “Oh man, Sammy would hate this, I gotta take a picture.”

We spent a few minutes posing on haystacks with plastic pumpkins and witch dolls before going inside to order coffee and breakfast rolls.

I checked my phone and returned a text from Meg and one from Cas. Both asking if we were okay and both knowing they wouldn’t get a response from Dean. He was a wall of non-communication when he felt like this and while infuriating it was also just who he was.

“Whmp do Ip sh?” he asked, interrupting my reply to Meg, I frowned at him as my mind tried to work out the words. Realising that through his mouthful of bread he had asked, “What do I say?”

I shrugged, “I mean, just ask him what he wants. Start there.”

“Can you come too?” he whispered softly while staring at the table.

My heart throbbed with the feeling of being needed by my friend, “Sure, if Cas is okay with it.”

With that, we ate and had a brief discussion about the garish decor. Several coffees later we were ready to go and face the music.

The drive back was quiet apart from Led Zeplin filling Baby’s cabin. We didn’t do much talking because we were both in our own heads, worried for different reasons about how the next part of the day was going to go down. I’d messaged Cas asking if it was okay for me to stay and he’d said sure, not that I expected him to object, I was like a third in their relationship sometimes, always at their place, always with one of them. I’d know Dean longer but when Cas came along he embraced me fully as part of his life which was why it was weird that we’d never really discussed his stance on kids. Usually, it came up with people, though I tried not to pry. After years of having people tell me that I was wrong, that I’ll be unfulfilled, that I’ll change my mind, that I won’t know real love and a million other annoying, often hurtful replies, well, you learn not to start that conversation. But with friends, it usually came up. I realised then that Cas was pretty secretive about his choices, about his life and family. We’d met his brother Gabriel of course who was married to Sam but neither of them typically spoke about their family or their parents. They were often vague about their past homes and childhood. Weird, I never realised that before, and itch began somewhere in the back of my mind, as we drove I tried to ignore it but it stayed, annoying me the whole journey.

We pulled up to their ranch at 1 pm. Cas had messaged to say he’d be out with the horses until 2 so that gave us a little time to get refreshed after our night on the beach. I had spare clothes here and my own room. When you had eight bedrooms and there were two of you, there was space to spare. The ranch was also miles from anywhere so when people came to visit they usually ended up staying over. I messaged Meg, who was my business partner and told her that I should be in tomorrow as normal. She had also been friends with the guys for years and knew how Dean could be so she’d just picked up the slack as I sorted out the mess. Our business centred around vintage cars and was a front for our hunting, Dean worked as one of the consultants and it afforded us all the freedom to travel as the job required.

Their 6000 square foot, craftsman style home, was set on 10 acres of land and it was breathtaking. Cas came from money, that much we knew but we hadn’t asked and he hadn’t told. Gabe and Sam had a penthouse apartment in Newyork and again, we hadn’t asked about where the money came from because it wasn’t polite but they’d also never offered an explanation. That niggle in my mind grew and I pushed at it, we had other issues to deal with right now. Dean had accepted the ranch as a gift when Cas had said “I wanted the perfect place, here we have space for everything we need and I have space for the horses.” Cas loved his horses and the bee farm he kept on the opposite side of the ranch. It really was his haven.

It really wasn’t Dean’s style at all though but he appreciated the huge kitchen and was often caught singing while cooking. It was more space than they would ever need but with our work being so dangerous Dean had made few excuses, just warded the place against everything he could think of and been thankful they were in the middle of nowhere.

“Are you grabbing a shower?” he asked as I touched the rail on the curved staircase.

I replied with a nod, “Yeah, meet you back down here?”

“Sure, there should be leftovers in the fridge.”

“Cool,” I said and moved upstairs to my room. It was one of the smaller ones by choice and sat in a hexagonal turret that forced the rest of the building into asymmetry. As I walked through the doorway, closing the heavy oak door behind me, I sighed relief to be somewhere that felt like home. It always felt a little like I was a princess locked in a tower, one of the few childish things I still had and indulged in were fairytales, Grimm particularly but anything where someone was saving someone else. Sweat and sand were stuck in places that they absolutely shouldn’t be. Putting my bag on the chaise, I glanced in the full-length mirror that ran the wall next to my en-suite, wincing, yep, I looked a mess, sand everywhere.

Stripping, I threw my clothes in the hamper which matched the pewter of the walls. Cas had insisted on decorating and he seemed to enjoy it. The ceiling had a step upwards in the centre, finished with a single brass light fitting which was more modern than Cas’ typical tastes but perfect for mine and the mink shade of the paint set off the brass nicely. A large wood-burning fireplace sat on one wall though it rarely got cold enough to use it. I had asked him to put some pictures up of the horses, so there was a professional series of artistic canvases in a trio displaying Horthawn, Lavender and Rose along one wall. Smaller pictures of the guys, one of me, Meg and them together and one of Jack sat on the mantle. The last picture was one I’d taken of the ranch in the snow last winter, I was really proud of it because it looked professional. Cas had made it the size of a painting, framed it and had it placed here behind my bed and another in the foyer of their home. There was no higher praise from Cas, he loved pictures and seeing it every time I walked in made my heart glow. After admiring my work for a second I went to turn the shower on, it was a three-man monstrosity that I’d deemed overkill but Cas had insisted that the tiny original shower would not do.

Stepping into the warm water helped release the last of the tension from my shoulders. The multiple shower heads beat the stress from me while the smell of coconut from the shower creme I kept here stoked memories of our vacation to Mexico and the one too many pina Coladas. The smile I could feel on my face relaxed me further and by the time I stepped out into one of Cas’ ridiculously huge white bath sheets, I was as chill as I was going to be.
Throwing on some shorts and a t-shirt I made my way down into the kitchen where I could hear voices, damn, I was late.

Chapter Text

Cas sat in the window chair which was the focal piece of the kitchen. A wall spanned the left side and was all glass with traditional dark wooden frames. Each panel was small but together they were an enormous expanse of glass looking out over the pond that filled the yard. The oversized chair left Cas looking a little lost but he somehow owned the space as always. His dark hair was matted with sweat from riding and there was grime on his clothes, dust and dirt, blue eyes shining with love as he stared at Dean. That itch in my mind kicked up a notch, something was different, something wasn’t quite right but I couldn’t put my finger on it.

“Hello you,” he said and smiled as I walked in. I couldn’t help but smile in return. The expression on his face was tender and I loved how much he made me feel like this place, their couple, was mine too, with a simple welcome.

His ‘Hello’ also said a million things we never needed to vocalise, a million memories and emotions which made me as much a part of them as they would allow.

“Hey,” I replied, my tone holding as much weight as his. It had been a hard 24 hours and I hated the void between them.

Dean stood behind the counter, resting on his arms, a coffee cup sat between tense fingers. Somewhere in my mind, I registered it was the purple one Cas had brought for Christmas. It said ‘Merry Christmas you filthy animal’ and it was one of my favourites.

“Okay Dean, now we’re all here, what do you want to say?” Cas asked as I took a seat. I could see them both but my position was in the middle, neutral.

I glanced at them both but Dean stayed quiet until he looked at me and I nodded.

“I don’t… I don’t want kids Cas…” he final whispered, bracing for the fallout.

I glanced at Cas who seemed confused for a split second and then grinned, “I know.”

We both gaped at him for a minute before I could get my wits about me to ask, “What?”

Again, Cas seemed confused but elaborated, “I know, I’ve known since we got together. I just wanted to reassure you that I was happy, that I didn’t need children after everything with Amara-” he paused to make sure I was okay and then continued, “ I play with Jack and I could see how pained it made you. I could feel it, you know what I mean, from you so I thought we should talk but then you ran and well here we are.”

All at once, the room froze and everything clicked into place for me, “You’re not human.” The words fell out of my mouth before I could think, as that itch became thoughts and patterns realised. Instinct kicked in and I reached for my knife that was still in Baby. Damn it.

Dean scoffed, “What are you talking about? Are you still drunk?” But he stood taller, we’d worked together for a decade, been friends for much longer and he knew when to trust me.

“All this time you’ve been worried about him finding out about your hunting-” I started.
Dean cut me off, his conscious mind in denial even as he stepped back toward the knives in the block on the side, “Dude!” he cursed, “Not cool!”

“Think about it Dean-,” I said maintaining eye contact with Cas, “The money, he and Gabe, they don’t talk about their family, the past… anything. He’s always saying he feels your emotions and I just realised he’s rarely dirty even though he spends all day outside but today he is… and, it's weird. He's dirty now and shouldn’t be but he should and you know what I mean… Gabe seems to just arrive here, with no warning and-”

“No,” Dean whispered, horror filling his voice, “No, I warded this place, I would know.”

Yet Cas stayed silent and stared. We all stared at each other as the reality that our beloved Castiel was not a human began to sink in.

Dean’s fury was palpable, he did not like secrets and this one was the motherload. Were we in danger? Surely not, Cas had always just loved and given us everything we needed.

“What are you?” I asked because I wanted the answer and Dean’s temper wouldn’t allow him any words right now. Anger and betrayal flit over his features and I felt it too. How could we have been so oblivious?

“I’m an Angel,” he said, it was calm and succinct with something like relief in his eyes. My anger flared, I knew it was a defence and Cas wouldn’t hurt us, I knew him but then did I, did we really know him?

A tight laugh escaped Dean, “They don’t exist-”

Cas stood suddenly, we readied for a fight because that’s what we did but he stayed in that spot and opened his arms, seeming to focus for a few seconds then large black shadowy wings appeared behind him. It was breathtaking and overwhelming.

“Your warding wasn’t built for me and my kind, Dean. I added to the perimeter wards so we’re safe. Gabriel and I were sent here to watch over you and then we fell…”

“You fell?” Dean and I asked at the same time, apparently focusing on weird details was going to keep us both from racing badly to this news, well for now. My emotions were all over the place but I’d never met an Angel before and now realising they were real and one was here, it was intense. My curiosity peeked out over the anger and betrayal.

“We watched from afar for a long time,” he continued, “but we felt things for you and so we asked for permission to be closer. It was granted and that’s when I started working next door to the agency.”

It had seemed a strange place to open an equestrian store, I’d noted it at the time but not strange enough to warrant any investigation. Cas had seemed normal, well, strange but not supernatural.

“You lied to me Cas,” the hurt and anger Dean felt came through loud and clear. His fists clenched so tight his skin was near white at the knuckles. I was just glad all the weapons were in Baby or the safe right now but we were in a kitchen. I had the same thought at the same time as Dean glanced at the knife block and shook my head.

“That won’t hurt me, Dean. I didn’t lie about anything important. I love you, I love you both, I wouldn’t hurt you,” Cas said and the pain of it shone through in his tone.

Wincing, Dean stared at the cup that sat to one side, anything to avoid looking at Cas and acknowledging this was all real but he hadn’t run, a good sign, “You’re an Angel, how is that not important? Don’t answer, I don’t care. Just get out.”

I felt tears rising behind my eyes, and as a look of steel descended over Dean’s features my heart sank. I kept Cas in view and saw him notice it at the same time I did, his eyes glazed with unshed tears as he replied, “Give it some time,” then stopped to clear his throat, hurt making it difficult to speak, “but know nothing important was a lie. I’m no danger to you and you know that. We’re soul mates Dean, we were made for each other.”

I felt a tear trail down my cheek as they shared a look, it was all love and pain at once. Dean was shutting down. It was the only way to avoid that urge to hunt, kill, anything that wasn’t human and I hoped he would win against it.

“I think I need some time…” he said, it was dead, his voice held nothing. The emptiness hit me like a wall and before I could stop it my legs buckled, knees slamming into the tile. I think Cas stepped towards me, I heard it but he stopped, Dean must have done something.

“Alright, just call me when you’re ready, just say my name and I’ll be here,” Cas replied and then he vanished.

My world had imploded and I sat in silence with tears streaming down my face. How had this happened?

Dean walked over to the sofa which lined the other wall near the conservatory and fell into it. He stared at the ceiling, unmoving.

After several long minutes, I stood and it hurt, I’d bruised my knees in the fall. Moving, I sat down by his head. The soft material caressing my skin as I shuffled closer to his tense form, “So,” I sniffled, choking back more tears.

“So,” he replied, sitting up and grabbing the whiskey from the table.

So indeed, what the Hell did we do now?

Chapter Text

It had took two days for Dean’s shock to turn into a rage then into self-loathing. It had coincided with a call from Sam telling him to let the Angel thing go which hadn’t helped one bit. Sam knew because Gabriel spilt the beans before their wedding. With that news, things got broken. I spent the week trying to fix the chair he’d thrown at the dining room wall and then the wall but the rest of the time I made food and got more whiskey from the cellar. Meg had been over a few times to try and talk to him but it ended with him storming off or ignoring her. My plan to go back to work had been scuppered by Cas’ revelation and Meg had put the team to work researching Angel’s.

My heart hurt with every day that Cas wasn’t here, their love had helped me through my own breakup, their friendship was my family. I didn’t know how to function without them now.

It was day ten before I got the courage to call him, “Cas?”

He appeared as the last syllable left my lips and before I could add anything else tears choked me. Frowning, he crossed the space of the barn in a blink to gather me in his toned arms. The embrace was perfect, complete in how loved it make me feel. At that moment it was just me and my friend connecting, nothing was different. Sobbing into his shirt, the white material absorbing the pain and anger of the situation before I finally pulled my shit together. Stepping back, I wiped my eyes on tissue from my pocket, sitting heavily on a hay bail.

Cas perched next to me, sighing, “He’s hurting… you’re hurting…”

“Sam knew…” I replied.

“Gabriel couldn’t marry him with the half-truth, so he told him.”

“I know, but when were you going to tell us?”

A frown filled his expression, “When the time was right-”

“Or when we figured it out?” I asked.

He nodded, “Yes, it was easier to let that happen. Though it was cowardly, I’m sorry.”

Signing, I shuffled to get comfortable, crossing my legs on the bail, “No, we didn’t want to see it, it’s not like you went out of your way to hide it.”

“Dean... I don’t know if he will forgive me.”

“You broke his heart Cas but he loves you, he’ll come round,” I glanced at the pristine barn and stables, “You’d been coming here?”

“The horses, they needed tending.”

I leaned into his shoulder with a smile, “Go talk to him, he wants to see you.”

Cas’ gaze lifted to the doorway, “There’s no need, he’s coming.”

“No time like the present,” I said flippantly but my heart hammered in my chest.

He smiled softly and stood waiting for the love of his life to either forgive him or let him go. I couldn’t face the latter, the idea of Dean pushing away this kind of love broke me inside.

“You called him?” Dean said with anger.

Cas stood tall, “Hello Dean.”

“You can’t go on like this,” I replied as Dean ignored Cas, he didn’t even glance his way, the rage was all for me.

“Dean-” Cas began but the look Dean shot him cut him short. That’s when the yelling began, he growled his pain and anger out at Cas. I’d never heard him speak to him that way.

“I thought we would grow old together, I thought we would be HUMAN together Cas, can you die? Will you get old? All the times I made you food, do you even need food? We had sex, isn’t that against your religion or something? I don’t understand how you could lie to me like that!” he hissed.

Then I looked at Cas, the same time as Dean did and we both stared as a single solitary tear fell from his beautiful blue eye. Something snapped in Dean and he moved faster than I’d ever seen, embracing the love of his life in a tight hug.

My heart melted as Dean gripped onto Cas’ shirt like it was the last solid thing in the world. Cas was shocked by it but then relaxed into the embrace. They stayed like that for a long time, and I just stared because this is what real love was, it was forgiveness, hope and knowing that some secrets were there to simply accept.

Dean created a little space between them so he could look into Cas’ eyes and said, “Don’t lie to me again.” There was no aggression to it, only the knowledge that this forgiveness was a one-off.

“Okay, Dean,” Cas replied.

Then came a kiss so searing I was left scorched on the hay bale, hands gripping the dead grass hard enough to cut my skin. It deepened into furious touching, the desperate kind that needed immediate satisfaction. I should leave, I thought and it glowed like a hot brand in my mind but the moment was so intimate that I didn’t want to shatter it with distraction.

Dean kissed down Cas’ neck, finding the rim of his shirt and tugged it up over his face, throwing it to the ground. Bare skin filled my vision and I screamed at myself to stop watching, to leave but I was frozen to the spot. Cas’ tore Dean’ t-shirt down the middle in an insane show of strength, it ripped like paper. My gaze was fixed on them, like a beautiful train wreck that I couldn’t tear my attention from. The pants were next, Dean’s denim flew past, followed by Cas’ slacks, which left them near-naked, wait no, Dean was naked. I had a second to double-check it before covering my eyes with my hands, it was the least I could do but by God what a view that had been. ‘He’s your best friend’ my mind screamed but at that moment my body didn’t care, it was on fire. Lust tore at me and I knew that I had to go, this wasn’t my moment, I wasn’t welcome here. They’d forgotten about me in their passion and when they realised I was still here it would ruin everything. A pang of preemptive loss filled my chest, no, I couldn’t lose my best friends, not when they had once again found each other. With that decision, I began to move, feeling my way to the edge of the hay and the wall I knew would guide me out of the barn. The smooth panelling touched my hand and gripping the edge I started to move, trying to be quiet but a few seconds later I realised the sounds of passion had faded, silence filled the barn, occasionally punctuated my rapid breathing.

“Where are you going?” Dean’s voice called from the relative darkness of my closed eyes. I wasn’t sure when I closed them, maybe when I’d moved my hand. Surprise caught me off guard as I realised he was amused not angry.

“I, er, sorry, I was going to go and leave you two to make up, you know…”

They laughed together and I opened my eyes in annoyance and froze to the spot as they filled my vision, damn, hot frickin damn they were beautiful. Their skin glistened with the sweat of the summer threatening to come soon and exertion, the dirt smears only seemed to make them sexier.

“That good huh?” Dean asked.

It made me very aware that my jaw hung open and I immediately stared at the ceiling, “No, not at all. It’s like a bad 60’s porno in here, nope, I was just thinking about how dirty the floor got in the-”

“- I never noticed how much you talk, and this barn is immaculate,” Cas said, eyebrow raised and cutting me off mid-sentence.

“Really?” I replied with a sigh as my head fell to my chest then gaze rising to meet theirs sheepishly, “I’m so aware of it.”

They chuckled in unison and Dean held his hand out. Once again I froze, what was happening? Glancing at Cas for reassurance, he nodded and my legs moved without conscious thought. Before I could rationalise it Dean tugged at my clothes, stripping me down, kissing as he went. It felt weird but also so very right. Cas leaned over to kiss my cheek but it sent shudders down into my groin, melting places inside me I didn’t even know existed.

“I didn’t…” I mumbled between gasps, “...think Cas was into… well anyone but you.”

Dean’s lips touched my jaw and replied, “Not usually but today he’s making an exception though it’ll mostly be me.”

That’s when Cas’ ran his hands over Dean’s hard, glistening cock from behind while looking into my eyes and the world shattered into a billion pieces.

Somehow we ended up on the pile of blankets that sat over the hay on one side of the barn. The summer breeze caressed our skin as hands and mouths searched and explored. I’d never felt this consumed by anything or anyone in my life. Dean’s rough fingers slid carefully between my legs as my back sank further into the blanket. Cas lay spread and watching on the other side stroking himself to throbbing. He watched Dean watching me and as I met my friends gaze a smile flitted over my lips. He returned it but in his eyes was something I’d never seen before, at least not for me, hunger and the soft ebb of love. It wasn’t anything like what he had for Cas, I knew that but this was for me, and it was special in its own way.

Dean was hard and waiting at my entrance, so I nodded, this was it, no going back. Cas’ fingers played with my hair as Dean pushed into me. The groan which tore from my throat was feral, and suddenly lips were on mine stopping any further noise. Teeth caught my tender skin, our tongues met with furry and as Dean made love to me, I drowned in sensation.
I felt happiness, like a glow around us and knew it was Cas. Dean groaned and I followed as Cas fingers played across us, Dean gained in speed, filling me and forcing me to experience all of him. Panting and sweating we finished together, my heart pounding like a drum trying to escape from my chest as I moaned his name into the dusky air. Amazing, perfect and amazing.

Then it was Cas’ turn, I assumed magic was involved because as Dean found his strength and came to kneel, Cas pushed his slick cock into Dean’s ass, it was slow but there was little resistance. I watched in awe as they panted and groaned their love. It was both perfect and heartbreaking, they gave it to me as a gift but it was something I would always be slightly separate from. As I watched these two beautiful men consume each other I sighed contently. While I didn’t have them like this, they were still mine, my family, my friends and tonight we had crossed over into something more, I didn’t know what yet but more.

It didn’t last long. Fury and time had the whole thing done in minutes. Then we lay together as the sun fell, wrapped in dusty, itchy blankets lazily touching each other skin.

“So…” I said, sleep filling my voice.

Dean yawned, “So…”

And that was the last thing I heard as sleep took me.

Chapter Text

Weeks passed in a blur as we got to know Cas as an Angel as well as our person. It was much the same, except for things were faster. We could visit Sam whenever we wanted for example now we knew Cas could fly. Though Dean’s anger had taken longer to pass than I’d thought it would but it did pass.

I returned back to my apartment in town sometime after the first week and even though everything felt better in a lot of ways, being alone in my home felt wrong. Brushing it off was easy at first but days passed and then weeks, and the only time I felt at home was with them at the ranch. When the three of us curled up on the sofa with Dean sandwiched in between, it felt like home. Sometimes, at my apartment, I’d stare at the T.V for hours not really watching, feeling empty, so I avoided going back to the ranch. I figured that time would help, maybe staying here would make me reconnect with my space but it didn’t. More time passed and they called, they let me know I was welcome but I explained and part of me was terrified of becoming dependant. Sure it was nice to be wanted but I’d always relied on myself, I always enjoyed my alone time. The ache in my chest only got worse, lie shadows filling the space around my heart. What was I going to do?

It was a Thursday when I noticed that my stuff had started to go missing. I didn’t notice at first because mostly it was stuff I didn’t use all the time, things that were in storage, but eventually I noticed. My clothes, my favourite stuffed toys and even my crockery started to vanish. After two day’s and the disappearance of my best work sweater, I was at a loss. Meg said in all her research she had no idea what kind of spirit would steal things and I’d tried everything to stop it, salt, banishing, everything.

In despair, I called Dean, “I need your help…”

“Finally!” he sighed, but he wasn’t on the phone he was standing with Cas in my kitchen.

“Huh?”, I gaped.

“Cas has been moving your stuff over to our place for days dude, come on, a ghost? You’re really not thinking straight right now are you?”

I gaped more, “What?”

Cas smiled and replied, “You should live with us. We’re not sure what will happen in the future but right now, we feel… like we need you and it feels like you need us.”

Staring, tears forced their way out and down my cheeks, “You mean it?”

They nodded together and moved in for a hug. The embrace was wholesome and loving, I felt at home with them and I sobbed harder into Dean’s flannel shirt.

“Was that a yes?” he asked.

I nodded, “Yes.”

The air changed, became the dry that you only got with high-quality air conditioning and when I looked up we were in the kitchen at their place. All my appliances were sat on the counter, my plush mink robe hung by theirs on the rack. The well used riding boots which I only wore at the ranch were tucked next to Cas’ by the door to the wet room. It wasn’t until Dean pushed a mug towards me and I read it that the tears flooded back. I had oversized mugs made for their anniversary a few weeks before, Dean’s had said “One Angel makes my heart soar.” He’d rolled his eyes at the sap but he’d drunk from nothing else for weeks. Cas’ said, “Two studs make a heard,” he’d laughed at it every time he used it. Now Dean passed me one that looked exactly like those but on the side, it said, “Three shots makes the best coffee.” It did, it absolutely did.