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The drop to her bed made her buzz with excitement as he crawled on top of her, gripping either side of her face before pulling her into another loving but heated kiss. Moans filled the room as her hands exploded his body, tightly gripping the back of shirt and almost threatening to rip it off him but she didn’t care. Neither of them did.

This was them. The real them. Nothing could stop it.

“What do you want?” He growled at her, her excitement growing with every word her said. She pulled away from him, their breathing heavy as they locked eyes, minds clouded with love and lust.

“I want - ”

A loud beeping noise rung throughout the house, startling you so much that you began to choke on the coffee you had been sipping while reading.

With the amounts of times you’ve started a fire alarm, you’re both surprised and relieved you still jump at that thing.

You put down your coffee and book and book it (haha) straight to the kitchen, cringing as black smoke begins to build up within the room, what was meant to be your lunch now ruined.

A string of swears fall from your mouth and you hastily open any and all windows you can before turning off the stove, holding your breath as smoke clouds around your face. Grabbing some a glass cover, you place it over the burn pan and watch as the small fire forming within it begins to die and the kitchen begins to clear of smoke.

You sigh with relief, a weight being lifted off your shoulders as you lift up the cover, cringing once more at the burnt and into mess that is your cooking.

“You look like shit.” You say to the pan with an empty chuckle. “At least you look better then me.”

You grab the thickest oven mitts you can find within the kitchen along with a metal spatula, taking the pan by its handle before heading to the trash. Hanging it over the bin, you attempt to use the spatula to pry the, whatever it was, off the pan to no avail. Sighing in defeat, you drop the pan into the trash, a heavy thud echoing through the house as it hits the bottom of the bin.

You’ll buy a new one.

“WAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!” A young voice wales upstairs, making you tense as you remember what you were doing.

Babysitting.

Swearing once more, you rush upstairs, missing the front door open as you burst into a baby nursery. There, you find a baby sitting up from its crib, bawling his bright blue eyes out.

You immediately go into baby mode, rushing over to the baby’s side and pick him up. You hold him close as you bounce up and down with your knees in hopes of calming him down.

“Shhhh, it’s okay Peter.” You tell the baby in the most soothing voice you can manage. “It’s okay buddy, I’m sorry for waking you.”

You pull the baby away from your chest, smiling at him warmly as you raise him above your head. The baby sniffles as his crying stops, before smiling down at you in a fit of giggles. You chuckle before placing him down back in his crib, Peter grabbing the rails and bouncing up and down on his bed continuing to smile at him.

“You’re lucky kid.” You sigh, sitting down on a nearby frog designed chair. “You can cry as much as you want and have someone to comfort you.”

Are you that sad and depressed that you’ll vent to a fucking baby?

“I on the other hand, have to wait until I get home after a 20 hour shift. And I used most of my vacation days watching you so you better be grateful you didn’t die while your parents were gone.”

...This is sad.

Peter is oblivious to your words as he continues to babble non-coherent ones, smiling without a care in the world. It honestly warms your heart to see him like this.

Being like this isn’t so bad once you realize what’s out there.

“You... need a hug or something?” You perk up from your seat and turn your head towards the doorway. There, you find a man leaning on the dark wood frame with his arms crossed and looking at you with concern.

He was tall with dirty blonde hair, wearing nothing but a light blue button up shirt and black pants. His eyes were blue and looking down at you with worry, frowning as you sigh tiredly.

“I owe you a new frying pan.” You grumble at him in an attempt to avoid this conversation, pinching the bridge of your nose as the lack of sleep over the past couple weeks kick in.

“It’s fine.” He smiles, pushing himself off the frame and shoving his hands into his pockets. Peter looks up at the man, cheerfully calling “Dada!” to him making you smile at the baby. The man walks in and picks him up, the baby laughing as he grips his nose. “You didn’t answer my question.”

“Don’t wanna.” You force out, patting your knees before pushing yourself up and placing you hands on your hips before turning to him. “I thought you weren’t coming back for another week.”

The man sighs again, seemingly having giving up on getting you top open up. “The wedding ended earlier then expected.” He explains, rubbing Peter’s surprisingly fluffy dark hair. “Jane and I managed to save you some cake, which shockingly survived a week without molding.”

“Cake?” You ask curiously, your bitter attitude now gone as he mentions your favorite dessert. He chuckles at your question, though he continues to look at Peter who babbles as his father bounces up and down with his knees.

“Yeah.” He replies. “It’s downstairs with Jane. I guess you haven’t eaten yet?” You nod, thinking how much of a dent buying a new pan for your best friend.

This was Micheal Cordero.

The two of you have known each other since you were children. You knew everything about each other, both inside and out. You knew you could rely on him when you needed but now isn’t one of those times where you want to burden him with your problems.

“Nope.” You shake your head. “Last thing I want to eat is my cooking.”

“You know me and Jane can always teach - “

“I know.” You sigh rolling your neck, hearing a bone or two cracking. “But you know I’m to stubborn to ask.”

“Figured.” Micheal shrugs, continuing to smile at this kid who grabs his fingers with his adorable tiny hands. “Go talk to Jane. I’ll put him back to sleep.”

You nod at him before leaving the room and walking down the stairs. The faint smell of smoke makes you cringe once more, praying that Micheal’s wife, Jane, won’t kill you for destroying one of her prized kitchenware.

At the foots of the stairs, in the kitchen sits a woman a little over 5 feet. Her hair was long and flawless, covering her backless dark blue sleeveless dress. It had white arches on the hem and torso of it, looking like gates almost. She’s reading a book that was placed on the dining table, specifically one that belonged to you and one you had been reading before rushing upstairs.

You open your mouth and raise your head to greet her but she speaks first, pointing to a small container on the other end of the table. “Your favorite flavor, you’re welcome.”

You laugh nervously as you walk over to the table, pulling up a seat where the container was before sitting. “I owe you a new pan.”

“I know.” She replies flipping a page. “I smelled your cooking a mile away.”

Ouch.

Your confidence shattered, you pulling the container towards you and open it up. A fork awaits in there which you pick up before digging into the cake. It tastes surprisingly good for something a few days old without preserving.

Either that or you’re taste buds have been numbed by your cooking.

“So how were things while we were gone?” Jane starts pulling down the book. “The Guard fall apart without Micheal?” She asks teasingly.

You roll your eyes with a smile, swallowing your bite before answering. “Very funny. If you must know, the Royal Guard is perfectly fine.” You take another bite of your cake, praying you were right since you haven’t checked in in over a month.

“Unlike my frying pan.” Jane mocks you with a smug look on her face, making you choke on your bite. Your pound on your chest as Jane picks up the book and continues reading, the piece stuck in your throat finally going down and you glance up at the pretty lady nervously.

“T-That was an accident - !”

“Your food fused with the metal.”

“Okay, that has to do with your pan - ”

“That doesn’t matter right now.”

You sighed tiredly, slouching onto the table as you take another bite of cake. “ ‘m sawry.” You mumbled, mouth full of food.

“I’ll forgive you if you let me borrow this book.” She says, not even bothering you glance your way as she flips another page. You swallow your bite and look at her with curiosity.

“That book is shit.” You tell her, sitting back up.

“True but the smut is always good to read.” You burst into a fit of giggles at her response, watching as clears her throat and looks down at the page. Your begins to laughter harder as you realize what she’s about to do.

‘Her heart began to pound harder in her chest as they became one, covered in sweat and lust as they laid there taking each other in. It stung as first, but she ignored the pain as he gazed into his eyes. They stared at her with love and adoration, watching as she nodded before he started moving - ‘

“Please stop reminding me of how some fictional character is getting laid more then me.” Both of you laugh at your sad excuse of a life as you shove another piece of cake in your mouth.

“Seriously though,” You look up at her as she puts the book down, before taking your free hand and holding it, looking at your with concern. “ - how are you feeling? Was Peter to much for you to handle? Is the Guard okay? Have you been eating?”

You smile at her as her motherly attitude, swallowing your bite before answering. “In all honesty, I’m not entirely sure but we aren’t going to war so that has to mean something.” You chuckle in an attempt to lighten the mood, only to earn a frown of displeasure making you clear your throat before continuing. “But, uhh, Roman and Undyne came to check up on me the other day and they saying everything’s fine. Edge is filling in for me and he’s been working everyone down to the bone, no pun intended.”

This time Jane giggles at the unintended pun, lifting some unease off your chest causing you to smile at her. You take another bite of your cake, realizing half the slice is already gone.

You were a member of the Royal Guard, working under the name Kingdom of Deltarune, ruled by King Asgore and Queen Toriel. You were a General of said Guard, two rankings under Captain.

Micheal was part of the Guard with you, him also being a General. You both joined the Academy at the same time and you both graduated top of your classes. Being assigned in the same Kingdom was also in your favor
because at least you have someone you know which relaxes you whenever you think about it.

Monsters have been around longer then you have. A war did happen between them and humans, simply known as “The War.” Not a very creative name but that wasn’t your job.

The war happened in the year 300, when Mages first started to show up and humans were becoming more paranoid and religious. They believed Monsters were “evil” and “born from the depths of hell” or some bullshit like that and convinced Mages to join their side in the war.

They would’ve lost otherwise.

When they were locked away, people thought that was it. Nothing could be done, and they were all “at peace” with locking an entire fucking civilization under a mountain of all things.

Well sucks to be them because 300 years later, they were back!

The year 614 is the year Monsters were reintroduced to the world.

Of course, humans were not very happy with this. The Magic Barrier needed SOULs to be broken, 7 human SOULs to be exact. So what happened? Did they ruthlessly slaughter the people who were thrown into the Mountain as punishment? Did they seek revenge? Did they thirst for blood?

No.

They were saved children.

Fucking, children.

Who were also Mages.

...Let that sink in.

After hearing of this, all of a sudden the man himself, King Arthur was involved! The ruler of Camelot and the greatest warrior that had ever existed at the time, now invested in the lives of Monsters, what a recipe for disaster!

King Arthur wasn’t around at the time of the War, but he knows the stories, everyone around the world does. Unlike them however, he showed them kindness and peace, even helped them integrate back into the world. He helped them build the Kingdom into what it is today, make piece with other humans and other Empires as Monsters showed how wonderful they would be.

Monsters forwarded the process of technology, giving people the ability to talk to people miles apart with phones or computers, and entertainment without having to travel days with television. They helped with building architecture so no one would have dirt floors anymore. Monsters were changing society as people know it everyday and you found all of it fascinating.

Aside from all the harassment that is.

As much as Monsters trusted Camelot and King Arthur, he passed away long ago and even if humans were warming up to them, they continued to act bitter and most didn’t even dare to come near the Kingdom. And Monsters still didn’t like humans. They were locked away for over a hundred years because of them so the fact humans were even allowed to be in the Royal Guard was just wrong to many.

You weren’t the only human in Deltarune so you didn’t suffer through the pain alone. But it still hurt nonetheless. You became a Guard to protect others and to show what you were made of and how can you do that when the people you were protecting hated your ugly guts.

You tried to focus on the good though. You became good friends with your Superior and her assistant, along with a Commanding Officer -

Err, maybe you wouldn’t call the two of you friends per se?

It was more like he hated your ugly guts before he “took pity” on you and the two of you would train together sometimes.

He complains a lot during training, but you don’t really mind. He mainly complains about his family, his brother especially, claiming he’s a “LAZY PIECE OF SHIT WHO HAS WAY TO MUCH TIME ON HIS HANDS.”

Which in fairness is true, having met the man yourself, he wasn’t totally lazy. A persistent sleazball, hell yes, but he is useful.

“That’s good.” Jane finally says, snapping you back to reality. “I didn’t mean to leave you without any sessions - ”

“I haven’t had any nightmares, no episodes, I’ve been taking my meds, AND, I got 8 hours of sleep last night!” You tell her with pride before eating the last of your slice, Jane raising an eyebrow at you in suspicion.

“What about the rest of the month?” You stop chewing your cake, the fork falling back into the container as you loosen your grip on it, tensing up at her question.

“...” You glance at her nervously, forcing a hesitant smile onto your face as she frowns at you with disappointment.

“[Y/N - ]” She begins with a sigh, preparing to give you another lecture about how you should’ve called her or some bullshit like that. She’s told you this speech more times then you can count for the past three years, and you know she was right, you didn’t want to rely on her like you did for everything else. You know she cares, both her and Micheal do a lot and you love them both so much for that.

You don’t know why they do though.

“He’s asleep.” Both you and Jane turn to the stairs, a wave of relief washing over you as you see Micheal there. His shoulder looked wet, most likely from Peter drooling on him.

He was here. The conversation can change. You can avoid talking.

“You got something, uhhh...” You begin, leaning on elbow on the dining table and the other arm gesturing to the blonde, pointing to his damn shoulder. “there buddy.”

He rolls his eyes as he walks over to the kitchen counter over where he and Jane made coffee and began to set up two mugs for serving. “You’ll understand when you have kids.”

“I’m barely stable enough to get up in the morning, you think I’ll have kids?” You ask him with an empty chuckle, somewhat surprised he even had the balls to tell you something like that.

He shrugs his shoulders, mumbling a ‘meh’ as he places one mug onto a coffee machine and presses the start button, the device making quiet whirling noises as he turns back to you. “It’s not impossible.”

“I think the summer heat is making you delusional again.” You tell him as you lean back in the chair, raising your arm above your head before stretching. Once you’re done, you yawn as you stand up from the chair and pick up the container and walk over to the trash and toss it in. You quickly take a peek into the can, letting out a hiss of pain as the ruined frying pan stares back at you.

“You do know heatstroke is a serious thing, right?” Jane chuckles as her husband hands her a mug of coffee. “Also, we aren’t done talking - ”

No now. Please.

“Can I schedule an appointment next week?” You cut her off abruptly, your palms, back and next feeling warm. She frowns at your question as you add, “We can talk then.”

“What’s the rush?” Micheal asks as he begins the machine for his cup, the inner workings of it making noise once more as dark liquid begins pouring out from its spout. You simply shrug for your answer, praying to would suffice.

“I wanna go check on things. Plus get out. I haven’t really gone outside aside from shopping because Peter kept me busy.”

‘Please let me go, please let me go, please let me go, please let me go, please let me go, please let me go, please - ‘

‘Shut up.’

Jane sigh is in sync with the beeping of the coffee, making you snap out of your thoughts. You almost flinch as she begins to sip her drink loudly with her eyes closed.

She’s thinking about it.

You want her to say yes, please, please, please, say yes.

“Fine.”

Oh thank stars.

Your chest feels lighter at her answer as she tells Micheal to get some money for you, the blonde already walking over to a dufflebag he used for the trip.

“But you call if you need anything, got it?” Jane commands you as her husband walks back into the room, a string-bag the size of his hand being carried over to you as he hands it over.

“Promise!” You forcibly chirp out.

You take the money from Micheal, nodding and thanking both him and Jane. You quickly grab your jacket that was hanging on Jane’s chair, patting its pockets to make sure you have everything before turning to her.

“You still want the book?” You ask her, shoving your hands into said pockets. Jane nods her her, humming in agreement.

“Sure! You finished reading?”

“Yeah, its like, my third time reading it.” You admit, cringing at the fact that you’re so lonely you’re reading books about sex.

Jane giggles at you as she grabs Micheal’s coffee and hands it to him as he walks over to her. “Again, thank you so much for watching Peter. We really appreciate it.”

Micheal hums while sipping his coffee, bringing it down before pointing to you in order to get your attention. “Tell the others I’m back on Monday, my phone died on the way here.”

You stupidly smile and give the blonde a thumbs up, nodding. “On it!” You step backwards in the direction of the door, gesturing behind you before turning. “I gotta go, I’ll see you guys later!”

“Don’t forget to call!” Jane yells at you as you open their front door to leave. You let out an empty chuckle as you swing it shut behind you.

You definitely weren’t calling.

——

Guard life was interesting.

It’s been over 90 years ever since Monsters have resurfaced and with them modernizing and rebuilding their lives, their systems have changed.

For example, the Royal Guard for Deltarune was divided depending on where you live or were designated to be. The kingdom was separated into different districts and for the guard was separated depending on what environment suited them best.

You were stationed in the Capital, where the Castle was location along with the main town. Most guards who have recently graduated from the Academy were stationed here to get a feel for the kingdom before Undyne or rather her assistant, Roman, assigned them to a different district.

As a General for the Guard, your job was to work with graduates and take on whatever tasks you were assigned. Sometimes it was Spy Work, which there wasn’t many of, and sometimes it was protection.

You’ve been a General for nearly three years thanks to Undyne and some others. If it wasn’t for them you probably wouldn’t be here at all. You become an apprentice to your hometown’s Guards but you stayed longer then everyone else because you were a girl. The rule to allow girls to become knights is only ten years old so not many were used to it.

Then… it happened…

…and now here you stand.

Watching one of the dumbest fights you’ve ever witnessed.

“MECHANICAL PENCILS ARE SUPERIOR!”

“THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH NORMAL WOODEN PENCILS.”

“THERE IS EVERYTHING WRONG WITH WOODEN PENCILS! THEY BREAK TO EASILY AND SHRINK WHENEVER YOU USE THEM.”

“WELL FOR MECHANICAL PENCILS, YOU HAVE TO BUY A SPECIFIC SIZE LED OR ELSE IT WON’T WORK PROPERLY AND THEY JUST SEEMS LIKE A HASLE.”

“MECHANICAL PENCILS KEEP YOUR HANDWRITING NEAT AND CLEAN, NOT THAT YOUR HANDWRITING IS EITHER.”

“WE HAVE THE SAME HANDWRITING.”

“…YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN YOU FUCKING NINCOMPOOP!”

…This was your life.

You fail to hold back a smile as you close the door to the library behind you, the lock of it shutting echoing throughout the room which causes the two skeletons who had been fighting to stop and turn to you.

Roman, Undyne’s assistant, practically lights up at the sight of you while your Superior, Commanding Officer Edge, huffs in what you can only guess is surprising as he crosses his arms.

“YOU’RE BACK.” Both of them say in unison, Roman with enthusiasm and Edge curtly. You wave at them nonetheless as you walk over to where they had been sitting. Roman stands up and meets you halfway, pulling you into a very tight, but very comforting bear hug.

“DEAR HUMAN, IT’S GOOD TO HAVE YOU HERE!” Roman explains as you hug him while laughing with surprise that quickly turns to joy. “I TRUST THE SPAGHETTI UNDYNE AND I MADE YOU WAS DELICIOUS?”

It wasn’t.

The sauce was burnt and the noodles were undercooked and broken up into so many pieces, you had to use a spoon to eat it.

Like, who the fuck uses a spoon to eat spaghetti?!

You digress as he puts you down, nodding to his question as Commander Edge glares at the two of you. “I eat every last bit.”

Even if the spaghetti was horrible, you still ate it nonetheless. You were an even worse cook by comparison so Roman's cooking was basically heaven from whatever the hell you make.

Commander Edge scoffs as he stands up from his seat, walking over to the two of you before forcibly splitting you two up. “I TRUST THIS MEANS YOUR OFF YOUR LITTLE VACATION.”

You nod at him firmly, standing in a formal position before saluting. “I’m here as you need me Commander.” You claim with a smile.

Commander Edge rolls his eye lights and gestures his hand for you to stand down. “I ASSUME THIS MEANS GENERAL CORDERO IS BACK AS WELL.”

You nod once more, putting your hands in the back pockets of you jeans. “Indeed Commander, he says he’ll be back on Monday.”

Commander Edge scoffs once again in annoyance. “MONDAY? WHY SO LONG?”

“He just got back from a long trip Commander. I would imagine he wants to settle back in before jumping straight into work.”

“WELL ABOUT ABOUT YOU?” Roman jumps in, sounding curious. “YOU’VE BEEN TAKING CARE OF A BABY, I IMAGINE THAT MUST BE TIRING.”

You shake your head. “Not really. He and I both fall asleep to white noise so it was very peaceful.” You lie to assure the skeleton. “Plus, jumping back into work gives me something to do. You know I like to keep busy.”

“HAVE YOU BEEN EXERCISING?” Commander Edge suddenly asks you.

“Yes Commander.” You lie once again.

“HAVE YOU BEEN EATING?” Roman adds on.

“…somewhat.” You mumble out, not having the heart to lie once again.

“GENERAL - ” Commander Edge begins.

“I ate Roman’s spaghetti all day yesterday because I didn’t want to eat my cooking. The rest of the time, I ordered food because I didn’t want to take General Cordero’s food from his fridge. Then this afternoon, I burned my lunch and ended up eating cake and - “ You started to talk in hopes of easing their concerns, but you realized that you just rudely cut off your Superior from talking. You feel blood rush away from your face out of fear and guilt, looking at your Commander and preparing your apology.

“Forgive me Commander for cutting you off - ”

“CALM THE FUCK DOWN, YOU’RE FINE.” Commander Edge sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose tiredly. “I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU’RE ALRIGHT.”

Your eyes widen in surprise, slightly shocked at his concern. It wasn’t like he never asked for your well-being but it was still rare for him to show any level of concern for anyone. “Really Commander?”

“OH COURSE.” He answers, looking at you as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “YOU ARE MY FFFFFFFFIRECEST ASSEST!” Commander Edge seems to catch himself from saying another word other then “fiercest,” his cheekbones dusting red as he quickly composes himself.

“Y-YOU MEAN A LOT THIS NINCOMPOOP AND THE REST OF THE GUARD AND HAVING TO DEAL WITH THEIR WORRY FOR YOU IS A PAIN IN MY ASS.” The Commander states, gesturing to Roman as he turned his skull away from you in embarrassment.

You had a feeling he was lying to a degree, but you decided to leave it at that, nodding at his explanation before turning to Roman.

“Does Undyne have any assignments for me?” You simply asked. The skeleton nods as he heads back over to the couch and grabs some folders and binder, flipping through the pages as he comes back over.

“SOME. EDGE DID SOME OF THE HEAVY LIFTING FOR YOU SO THERE ISN’T THAT MUCH YOU NEED TO DO.” He explains handing you about 4 brown hard-covered folders.

“How much did he do?” You question as you flip through the folders. Most of the work are requests for one-on-one training with some Squires and Patrol reassignments. You could handle those.

“THAT’S NOT IMPORTANT - “

“ALMOST ALL OF IT ACTUALLY!” Roman shares with you, cutting off Commander Edge who smacks his arm, earning an “OW!” from his cousin.

It puzzled you that they were cousins. They looked exactly the same but they insisted it was true. You didn’t know much about genetics at all, you didn’t know much family as a kid, but something about them just seemed weird.

Why you’re bringing this up, you aren’t sure. It’s not important however as you looks up at Commander Edge in surprise.

“Commander, is that true?” Commander Edge flinched at your calm voice as he flushed red once again, stumbling on his words.

“W-WELL YOUR WORK IS SO EASY, I JUST WENT THROUGH IT N-NO PROBLEM.” The Commander stated once again crossing his arms.

“T-Thank - “

“I DON’T WANT YOUR GRATITUDE!” Your Superior cuts you off, holding his gloved hand to your face in a halt position, promptly shutting you up. “I WANT YOU BACK AT WORK.”

Not sure what else to do, you nod firmly once again and close the folder. “Of course Commander. I’ll report to Captain Undyne right away.” You tell him, Commander Edge nodding awkwardly in return.

“Y-YES, GO DO THAT.” Your Superior responds, gesturing to Roman. “ME AND THIS IDIOT HAVE TO GO BUY FOOD FOR DINNER.”

Roman looks at Commander Edge, frowning sadly. “B-BUT SHE JUST GOT BACK - ”

“AND SHE’LL BE HERE TOMORROW.” The Commander reminds his cousin, smacking the skull of his head telling him to snap out of it. “WE ALL HAVE THINGS TO DO AND WE SHOULDN’T WASTE DAYLIGHT JUST CATCHING UP.”

Roman sighs disappointedly, holding his elbow in one hand and his skull in the other. “I Guess…” He mumbles sounding dejected.

“You may make me lunch again tomorrow and we can eat together if you wish.” You suggest, tucking the folders under your arm, Roman lighting up at your words.

“WHY HUMAN THAT’S A WONDERFUL IDEA!” The skeleton exclaimed with excitement, making you smile at his enthusiasm. “I’VE BEEN TRYING TO OPEN MY CULINARY EXPERTISE TO OTHER FOODS SO IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO REQUEST SOMETHING, I’M MORE THEN HAPPY TO OBLIGE!”

You envied Roman and his optimism. He stayed happy and strong even when he sees others at their worse. He was brave and charismatic and made friends more easily then you. Everything about him from his smile to his posture was full of life and happiness.

Oh how you envied him.

You ponder on his offer a minute, before settling with “Surprise me.” and winking at the skeleton playfully. It earns a light orange blush from him as he quietly “Nyeh-he-he’s!” to himself.

You wave goodbye to the two of them, Commander Edge still crossing his arms looking indifferent towards you. As you turn to leave manor’s library, your Superior catches your attention forcing you to halt.

“GENERAL.” He starts. “MECHANICAL OR WOODEN PENCILS?”

You stand there, somewhat stunned at his question. He never asked for your opinion often, was he just trying to make a point in front of Roman?

Deciding to drop the thought, you ponder of a few seconds taking the question seriously.

“…I don’t have a real preference but I would say mechanical.” You answer with a shrug. Commander Edge smirks at your words, chuckling in victory with a snort sprinkled in.

“I TOLD YOU THEY WERE SUPERIOR!” The Commander exclaimed, pointed at Roman who rolled his eye lights and simply smiled at his cousin.

“I NEVER SAID THEY WEREN’T, I SAID THEY CAN BE A HASLE.” Commander Edge’s smirk fell into an annoyed frown at Roman statement.

“THEY AREN’T A HASLE! THEY MAKE THINGS LOOKS CLEAN!” You smile at your Superior and his cousin before opening the door of the library and leaving, Commander Edge continuing to make his point has you close it from behind.

Oh how you envied.

——

God, the castle somehow got prettier and prettier every time you came.

The walls were bright and clean, with beautifully carved wooden doorways lining the walls. The sun shined brightly through the elegantly framed windows and the floors tile were sparkly clean as your boots made noise with every step.

You’ve never seen the Deltarune Castle in its entirety, you were too low of a status for that. Still, it was honor to walk in the hallways alone. Captain Undyne’s office was in the Castle so who took the same route often but it still were in awe nonetheless.

Focusing back to your task at hand, you pull out one of the folders you were carrying and open it as you continue to walk. You had the route memorized so you could go on instinct as you read some files.

Hmm… okay. You have two new human cadets who requested some one-on-one training. You could do that.

What else… a patrol reassignment for Brigade 7, you could do that too.

Ohh, there’s one where you can help train some apprentices, you haven’t one of those in a while!

Continuing to read the assignments, a piece of paper floats to the ground as you turn to the last one. Pausing, you kneel down to pick it up and read what it says.

PERMISSION TO REQUEST A BODYGUARD

This form is the official procedure of requesting a Royal Guard to become one’s bodyguard for a specific amount of time, as The Guard still needs members to function accordingly.

By filling out this form, you are requesting the aid of a member of the Royal Guard with a status of Knight or higher to protect you if you believe you may be/are in harms way.

The maximum amount of time you may have a bodyguard is 75 days. If the Guard hasn’t returned for any reason, you will be charged with Treason and will officially become a felon in the eyes of the Royal Guard.

If you wish to go beyond the maximum amount of days, you must fill out another request form and have it approved by Captain Undyne or a Commander Officer.

Please fill out the following information.

————————————

REQUESTER: Royal Advisor Stretch

REASON FOR REQUEST: The Royal Negotiator Blue will be leaving on official business to the Kingdom of Enio of the Griva Region. Word is that the Monster-Hate group “Righteous” has set up a base there and the Royal Cabinet would not like to take their chance for him to go alone.

DURATION OF REQUEST: 16 days.

NATIVE / FOREIGN TO DELTARUNE

SIGNATURE OF REQUESTER: stretch the skeleton

————————————

This section is strictly for Offical Royal Guard Members only. Please do not write anything if this section isn’t of your jurisdiction.

————————————

SIGNATURE OF APPROVAL: Captain Undyne

SIGNATURE OF DECLINE: ______________

STAMP HERE FOR APPROVAL OR DENIAL

APPROVED

A bodyguard request form?

Another one?

You stand up and rub your chin, pondering over the paper.

You’ve been a bodyguard before, you still take on the jobs even after everything but why was one from a Royal Advisor in your folder?

…wait -

It’s from a Royal Advisor -

- and it’s in your assignment folder.

“…Fuc - ”

“FUCKING MOVE LADY!” You flinch at the loud voice as you take a few steps back and look up from the paper to find a monster, eyebrows furrowing at you in annoyance as he adjusts his grip on the giant frame of a painting he’s carrying.

“Watch where you’re standing, this thing is heavy.” The monster uses it’s red tail to support the painting in the middle as he and some other workers walk it down the halls intersection.

“A-Ah, my apologies for holding you up.” You tell him as you turn left to catch up. He’s walking down the same way to get to Undyne’s office so it seems best to say sorry if you’ll be walking together.

His eyebrows (or where they should be) furrow before he sighs at your tiredly.“ ‘s fine, just watch next tim - why are you following?” The man asks you once he’s notices you’re walking beside him.

“I have to walk this way.” You explain to him, placing the form back into the folder.

“You can’t go this way.” He holds up his tail which causes the crew he’s with to stop walking. “This hallway’s under renovation.”

“Renovation?” You inquire, tilting your head to the side in confusion.

He nods his head humming. “Yep. Me and my team were asked to clean up and redecorate some of the hallways. This area is off limits for the next few hours.”

“O-Oh…” You mumble before quickly holding the folders down in front of you and bowing politely. “If that’s the case, I’m sorry to hold you up. I’ll find another way.”

He stares at you, looking slightly confused before shrugging and using his tail to signal his team to move again. Walking in the opposite direction, you see one of the his crew members in the back placing down signs with the words “OFF LIMITS” on them.

You sigh as you watch them leave, leaning your head against the wall in frustration.

You don’t know your way around the castle.

And now you’re lost.

“Fuck.” You curse to no one in particular, lightly(?) slamming your fist on said wall. You shut your eyes tightly, before taking a deep breath and quickly pushing yourself off the white paint to stand up straight.

Okay, this is fine. There were plenty of staff who worked in the Castle. You’d eventually have to run into one of them where you can ask for directions or you’ll find her office by pure luck.

Pulling out and opening one of your folders, you flip through the papers before finding a few blank sheets tucked away in the back pocket. Finding a (wooden) pencil in there too, you pull out one of the sheets and begin to draw out the hallway you were currently standing in.

You begin to draw a map of the route you usually take to Captain Undyne’s office, making a small note on the side that says it’s closed off. Making a layout of what you’ve seen so far may be helpful in the future if you catch yourself in a situation similar to this once again.

Smiling proudly at your map, you begin to walk back from once you came, deciding to go a different way as you continue to draw your map. You were determined to find a way to the Captains office, it can’t be that hard right?

Be positive like Roman, this is positivity right?

You got this!

——

You don’t got this.

Remember when you said it wouldn’t be that hard?

Haha, yeah -

You’re lost now.

Like, lost lost.

Your map was somewhat helpful, you made a few different pages for each floor but apparently the castle has a lot of renovations going that block you from getting a full layout.

You think your on the ground floor of the castle, and you haven’t run into any staff for any reason. Was the castle that big or were you just dumb?

You stop walking in front of a doorway, stretching your arms up and arching your back which pops a bone or two of your spine. You pull out your phone from your back pocket, checking the time.

You’ve been here for an hour, christ. Slipping your phone away, you sigh in self-pity as you lean on the double doorway -

Wait, fuck it’s unlocked.

You manage to catch yourself before falling at the doors open from your weight. You swiftly move to the side of the door to stay out of sight from anyone inside, your heart pounding from anxiety.

Shit, what if someone was inside? Will they come out and see you? Should you hide? Did you interrupt some important meeting? That could explain why no one was around. What if someone important and powerful was in there, you could reprimanded, maybe fired!

Okay [Y/N,] calm down. It probably isn’t that bad. Be more positive like Roman! Think about best case scenario, there could be no one inside so you won’t have to interact with anyone.

But if there wasn’t anyone inside, you couldn’t ask for directions. Then you’d continue to be lost and be stuff in the halls of this god forsaken but beautiful castle.

Your body begins to move on it’s own you step back in front of the doorway. Ignoring the anxiety and fears crawling up your spine, you impulsively slam the double doors open. You pause as the back of your head tells you this is a bad idea before inhaling deeply and looking up, opening your mouth to say you need help -

Only to stare and gawk in awe of the most elegant room that stands before you.

It was a corridor, a very long corridor but it was so beautiful you were almost hypnotized by it. The marbled checkered tiles were so clean and shiny, they were basically mirrors as you walked. Pillars lined the side of the room, symmetrical spacing between them with giant yellow-stained glass windows with the kingdoms symbol designed in.

The sun shines from the windows, giving the corridor a yellow-hue, you would’ve thought it was sunset if you hadn’t already check the time. You begin to draw the corridor on your current maps layout, labeling it as Golden Hall for obvious reasons.

As the amazingness of the Corridor begins to fade, you frown once more as you realize it doesn’t help you get any closer to Captain Undyne. You grumble about how maps were useless as you finish drawing and place the paper back into a folder, slamming it shut angrily -

…You shift your feet into a more balanced stance.

Someone was watching.

You don’t know who. When you shut your folder, you felt this weird chill down your spine. It may be your paranoia but Commander Edge has taught you to always be on guard, so you follow his advice right now as you turn your head over your shoulder to look behind you.

The doors were closed now. You don’t remember closing them, but you were already halfway down the corridor so it was unlikely that you did. This only furthered your suspicion.

Maybe they closed because of someone else outside the Corridor. Maybe you closed it yourself. Maybe the person watching you did so themselves.

If the latter was true, then the person watching you was almost definitely monster. Most humans you knew weren’t quiet so someone either used magic to close the doors or they were just stealthy as hell.

You stand still for a while, how long you aren’t sure. All you focused on was the silence of the room, save for your breathing. If someone was watching, they would have to make noise at some point. Stepping, coughing, maybe someone looking for them, they had to do something.

But nothing.

Nothing happens.

You yawn loudly, rolling your neck. If someone was watching, if they wanted to kill you, they would’ve done so by now. You can’t waste time waiting, you had to see your Captain and ask her about -

“howdy.”

You whip around swiftly in the direction of the voice, tensing up at the fact this person managed to sneak behind you without you noticing, only for your heart to sink into your stomach.

It was a skeleton.

You’re pretty sure he’s never met you before, but you know him.

He’s Roman's brother.

“I - uhhh - Good afternoon Sir!” You manage to spit out, bowing rather quickly.

He’s also a Royal fucking Advisor.

“whoa, no need for formalities.” The skeleton chuckles, gesturing for you to stand up straight which you do. “name’s marsh. well." He pauses for a beat before shrugging. "it's actually sans but the others call me marsh. marsh the skeleton.” He explains, offering his hand for you to shake.

Really? You had noooooo idea.

If you didn’t know who Marsh the Skeleton is (or apperently Sans for some reason) , you either were a shut in who never went outside who never read the news or were just really, really stupid.

He was one of the Royal Advisors for the King and Queen, part of their cabinet with many others. His job specifically made him deal with matters involving a foreign country, also known as a Diplomatic Advisor. You’ve seen him time to time with Roman and Undyne during lunch hours but you’ve never spoken to him until now.

Breathing through your nose, you hug your folders tightly to your chest as you hesitantly take his hand. “I know - ”

You’re cut of by a rather loud fart noise that echos throughout the corridor, Sir Marsh continuing to smile as you stare at his hand shocked.

The sound continues for a few seconds, even after the noise stops as it bounces around the walls. The skeleton then shakes your hand for real as he begins chuckling.

“the old whoopee cushion in the hand trick.” He smiles as he takes his hand away from yours showing you his palm to reveal a small pink fart balloon strapped on. “never gets old, imma’ right?”

You stand there shocked for a minute, confused on what just happened. Under normal circumstances, you would’ve found this funny but the fact this man was supposed to be a serious and calculating had just pulled a prank on you made you feel back a bit.

“not a fan?” Sir Marsh asks bringing you back down to earth, shoving the hand away in his pocket. “not many are, that’s fine - ”

“I-I thought it was funny!” You blurt out on impulse, immediately regretting it as the skeleton raises a bone-brow at you.

“did you now?”

Stars, you’re digging a hole and you can’t stop.

“Y-Yes! I’m not one to oppose jokes, I used to drive Micheal crazy with them! I-I was just surprised, I guess, but I didn’t hate it!”

Stop fucking talking.

You clear your throat as you bring back your hand to hug the folders, your anxiety once again crawling up your spine. Sir Marsh continues to stare at you for what feels like forever, not exactly helping.

“what was your name again?” He asks you, dread swelling up in the pit of your stomach.

Was he going to report you to Captain Undyne? For being a complete idiot?

Probably.

“…I’m General [Y/N] [L/N] from Capital Brigade 2.” You answer as your straighten your face. “Sir.” You quickly add.

Sir Marsh’s face(?) shifts from confusion to realization as he snaps his fingers and points at you. “ohhh, i know you!”

“You do?”

“yea.” The skeleton nods. “rome and edge talk about you a lot.”

“Really?” Roman and Edge talk about you?

Often?

Sir Marsh nods again. “my bro says you’re almost as cool as him.” The skeleton continues however.

You frown at his words, shaking your head. “Roman is definitely cooler then me.”

Sir Marsh pretends to think, rubbing his chin(?) before shrugging. “yea, you’re probably right.”

Oh course you are. Who would think you’re cool?

“but edge is a different story.”

“Oh?” Your inquire, the skeleton nodding.

“yep. think he really likes ya’.” Your eyes widen in surprise before you quickly shake your head with an empty chuckle.

“Now that’s a joke.”

“no, i’m serious.” Sir Marsh insists. “he talks about how much of a good fighter you are and how you’re good at what you do.”

You blush at his words, not sure how to respond to that. Commander Edge never said what he thought of you, but you knew he didn’t hate you. Not completely at least -

- you think.

But then again, the whoopee cushion thing told you Sir Marsh was a jokester, so he could be lying to get another reaction out of you. Roman did say his brother did like to do that to him.

Shoving that thought into the back of your mind, you clear your throat and just decide to be nice about it. Whether or not he was lying to you didn’t matter, you had somewhere to be. “Thank you Sir.”

“thank edge.”

“Maybe later.” You bow respectfully. “I’m actually in a hurry.”

“where too?” Sir Marsh asks, shoving both hands into his pockets.

You quickly scan the Advisor taking note of both his clothing and posture, both were very casual for a Royal. As you noted before, his hands were tucked into the pockets of his pants and his shoulders were relaxed but he seemed to be watching you carefully.

His clothing was nothing special. The skeleton has a light blue button-up shirt and a dark blue vest which was open. His pants were black but seemed to big for him as he wore a belt and the cuffs were folded at the bottom. They slightly sagged at his matching slacks, which were almost as shiny as the floor.

“Captain Undyne’s office Sir.” You answer his question. “I’ve taken the past few weeks off and I’m supposed to report to her at once.”

“on who’s orders?”

“Commander Edge Sir.” You reply informatively. “He said he wanted me back to work as soon as possible.”

Sir Marsh nods his skull with a hum. “after coming back right away?”

You nod with a smile. “He likes to work others down to the bone, he believes it to be the best way to find someone’s limits so they can work on expanding them.”

…

………

…………..wait -

Oh shit, you made fun of him! Or Commander Edge, but you just made fun of a skeleton! Do you apologize again? Will he report you? I’d he gonna fired you on the spot?! Dammit, why were you so -

You flinch as Sir Marsh snorts loudly before bursting into laughter. The dread from before begins to come back as you forcibly laugh with him, both confused and terrified for what’s happened.

“d-damn, kid.” The skeleton says, his laughter dying out but he pretends to wipe away a tear from his eye socket (skeletons can cry?) “don’t look so chilled to the bone.”

Did he just…

You laughing turns into small genuine chuckles as his words, your shoulders relaxing as he sighs with joy. “I wouldn’t if Commander Edge wasn’t so bad to the bone.”

Why are you still talking?

Sir Marsh snickers at your pun, your tight grip on your folders loosening. “the guy never lets anything get under his skin.”

You stifle a giggle. God that was horrible.

“What’s funny is that he never has the guts to stomach a horror movie.”

Stop digging.

“he probably has no body to hold on to.” Your attempt to keep your enjoyment quiet backfires as you burst into a small fit of laughter.

“He seems pretty bone-ly.” You shoot back.

Dude.

Shut.

Up.

Sir Marsh snickers once more as he stands still, the snicker fading into a smile.

“…hey, can i do something?”

“D-Depends on the something Sir.” You answer almost immediately with a smile still on your face, no matter how hard you try to put it away.

Sir Marsh shoves his hands back into his pockets before turning around to look around the corridor. He takes a deep breath through his nose (you think? You never asked Roman to explain skeleton anatomy.) as you listen to the silence.

Silence was a weird thing. Sometimes you found it a calming, where no one was barking orders are yelling at you about something dumb. It left you at peace and you could relax. Other times you felt it was isolating. You were alone with only your thoughts and they weren’t very good company.

This time it was nice. The light from the windows played into that factor as you heard birds singing by. It was just you and Sir Marsh, along with each other’s breathing.

You had a weird thing for breathing.

“this hallway ends to the throne room.” The Advisor tells you after a while, looking up at one of the windows.

…did he - ?

Oh…..

Oh!

“Oh.” You say after a while, your smile dropping into a straight line. “I’m lost Sir. The renovations around the Castle have cut off my usual route to Captain Undyne. I’ve been making maps in an attempt to keep better track of where I’ve been.” You explain as you pull out the folder with your drawings, handing them to him so see your legitimately.

He takes them curiously, flipping through them as his eye lights scan the paper before he hands them back to you. “smart, but that’s not what i needed.”

You take back the papers and put them away. “Then what do you need?”

“it’s dumb really.” Sir Marsh chuckles, scratching the back of his skull. “you’re telling the truth, i can tell that. i guess this is just a, tradition of mine.”

“Tradition?”

“yeah.” The skeleton nods. “see, being a royal advisor isn’t my only job.”

“What’s your other one?”

“…i’m a Judge.” He answers you after a few seconds of hesitation. “not like a court judge, though i’d look pretty good in a lawsuit.” He winks at the punch-line, putting a small smile on your face before he continues.

“i Judge people bested on their actions. what their intentions are, their sins, their STATS, before they meet the king.”

STATS you knew about. They told you a persons skills and traits but that’s only a basic explanation. Your STATS were very good last time you checked, but it’s been a while so they may’ve changed so you can’t be sure.

“i was wondering if i could Judge you.” He states, turning to you fully. “you aren’t meeting the king but it feels weird to not do it, ya’ know?” He asks you with a shrug.

You stay quiet for a while as you think about answering. Roman explained to you that CHECKs outside of battle weren’t a very honorable thing to do. To monster culture, they were underhanded and generally frowned upon if they were done without good reason. He said it was like breaking into someone’s house, CHECKing someone’s SOUL without permission was similar.

Eventually, you shrug and nod to the Advisor. “I don’t mind Sir.”

“really?” He asks you a little surprised. “thanks. it wouldn’t take long, i’ll take you to undyne after.”

“Oh no Sir, I couldn’t ask that of you - ”

“no worries.” He cut you off with a smile rather quickly. “you ever been in an ENCOUNTER before?”

You nod. Commander Edge has pulled you into them once or twice when you had gotten curious. He explained the basic mechanics of it and even fought you once. It was more difficult then the normal way of fighting because you had to think of your SOUL but you found it was a good method of training.

“it kinda feels like that.” He explained briefly. You nod to indicate you understand. “so just relax your body and take a deep breath. this’ usually takes a few seconds.”

Why you were going along with this immediately is unclear to you. Yes, he’s
Roman’s brother but he’s still a stranger to you. He seems nice, sure, but he could be one of the most fiercest fighter ever and could kill you in a matter of seconds.

Maybe it’s because he’s your Superior. Maybe it’s because you trust to easily. Or maybe you just want a short cut to Captain Undyne as soon as possible.

No matter the reason, there’s no turning back.

You nod once more before inhaling through your nose and exhaling out your mouth, feeling more at ease then you did. Would you feel a thing? Would it hurt? He may have lied to make you feel at ease, but you’ve been through worse so you could probably handle it -

*PING*

WhOoOoOooAaaAa sHhHhHiIiIiiIiIittTttT!

You know he warned you but Jesus Christ, that shit feels weird!

It didn’t hurt, you felt fine, it was… you don’t know how to describe it. You felt heavy yet at the same time lightweight. A cold chill waves throughout your body but you felt warm. This didn’t feel like an ENCOUNTER, they were quick and sent a certain thrill in you. For this, you tensed up quickly and held your breath as a reflex.

Sir Marsh eye sockets were closed, his position unchanged but he seemed, different. Like he was concentrating on something. He’s definitely doing something on you, wonder what he sees.

He stayed like this for a while, bone-brows furrowing in what you assume is frustration. Did he not like your STATS? Was there something he didn’t need to see? You suddenly feel more self-conscious then normal.

He opens his eye sockets and stares at you suddenly, your insecurity growing.

“…you’re pretty strong.”

“Is that a compliment or a statement?” You ask before you have a a second to think.

Before you can take it back, Sir Marsh shrugs before answering “bit of both. being strong isn’t a bad thing, it’s just want you do with that strength is what concerns me.”

“I use my strength to protect others and nothing else.” You state firmly. “Nothing more nothing less.”

“…i believe ya’.” He says with a wink. “now, a deal’s a deal.”

The skeleton others you his hand again, which you stare at with confusion before looking back at him.

“I shook your hand already?”

Sir Marsh snickers as she shakes his skull. “nah. i just want an excuse to hold yours.” The skeleton flirts, winking again.

…You feel your face warm slightly at his comment.

Was that okay for him to say? Do you still take it? Did he seriously hit on you of all people?!

Goddamnit, get a grip [Y/N!] He’s your Superior and a jokester, don’t think to much into it!

Against your better judgement, you take the skeletons hand. There’s no whoopie cushion this time so you felt the actual bones of it. His hand was strangely warm as he squeezed yours, pulling your into closer to him as you pressed against his side.

“hold on tight.” He warned quickly. Before you could pull yourself away and ask why, a bright flash of blue blinded your vision, static being all your could see for a few seconds.

As you blink, the light goes away, and you slowly begin to regain your vision. Pulling your hand away from Sir Marsh, you rub your eyes seeing at they string and prop yourself up against a nearby wall feeling lightheaded.

“you good?” The skeleton asks from behind you.

“I just went temporarily blind, so yes I’m fantastic.” You snark out with sarcasm, the pain now going away as you begin to slightly feel better - .

….wait, you snapped at your Superior.

Quickly whipping around, you ignore your sudden head rush and now respectfully at the Advisor. You place your arms at your side and shut your eyes tight, preparing for a reprimand.

“I-I’m very sorry Sir for rudeness!” You apologize loudly. “Please forgive my rudeness!”

“whoa, kid you’re fine!” Sir Marsh chuckles, lightly pushing your shoulders up until you stand up straight. “don’t get so worked up about that.”

“B-But you’re my Superior - ”

“then consider this off the book.” He suggests with another wink. “might as well. i’m not supposed to do things like that unless it’s important business.”

He must mean the Judging.

“so right now, we are just two people. doing each other a favor.” He suggests with a smile.

You open your mouth to rebuttal but hesitate on your words. He shouldn’t have CHECKed you, but yet you let him. You shouldn’t have snapped, or even been in the Corridor in the first place yet he was willing to let it slide.

The question was why?

Why was he being nice to someone he just met, especially a human of all things? Was there a certain reason or was he being genuine? He must have one because he was literally just hitting on you!

You!

Literally the most unattractive person ever!

But do you say yes? Or do you say no? If you say yes, he could think you owe him a favor but if you say no, he could tell someone you snapped at him. Both options spelled trouble, god why was being social so hard?!

“uhhh…” His voice brings you out of your thoughts, a bead of sweat rolling down his skull as he smiles nervously. “if you wanna say no, that’s cool too - ”

“N-No!” You cut him off, mentally lecturing yourself at your eagerness. “I… uhhh… fuck, wait I don’t mean fuck, I meant wait! I already said wait, goddamnit. I mean I would like that!” You also mentally slap yourself in the face for making a fool out of yourself in front of a Royal Advisor. “T-To keep this off the book, I guess.”

Sir Marsh stares at you for a while, looking somewhat surprised by your answer but nonetheless chuckles and gives you a thumbs up. “thanks kid.”

You nervously smile as you nod your head. “You’re welcome Sir.”

“just marsh is fine.”

“You’re welcome Just Marsh.” You reply rather quickly, your heart nearly dropping but you relax as he smiles. He seems to rather enjoy your stupidity which a part of you finds comfort in it.

“Just Marsh” then moves to the side, revealing a very familiar door that you know like the back of your hand. He gestures to it with his hand and gives you a friendly wink. “captain undyne’s office, as promised.”

You nod at Sir Marsh, assuming this was now on the book, thanking him for bringing you to the Captain’s office, which he blows off claiming it’s not a big deal. You insist on thanking him as you walk towards the door and grab the handle, slamming it three times as he talks.

“nah, don’t worry about it. i wouldn’t mind helping someone as a-door-able as you.”

The skeleton playfully chuckles, mentally rolling your eyes at his words but nonetheless putting a smile on your face before turning back to him. “Flirting with strangers now, are we?”

“can’t help it. i got an a-door-able lady with an a-door-able smile unintentionally asking for my attention.”

“Overusing your material is a very bold move Sir.” You challenge as you cross you arms, suddenly amused by the comedian who simply shrugs at your words.

“maybe.” He said, taking a step closer to you. Taking notice once again, you realize the skeleton was at most 5’2. He’s nowhere near Roman’ or Commander Edge’s 7’1 but you notice it nonetheless. “i have more material but i don’t think it would be appropriate until after a first date.”

You somehow manage to suppress the growing heat to your face and keep a straight face at the Advisor. “Why would you want to go on a first date with a random member of the Royal Guard?” You decide to ask bluntly, silently praying Undyne answers her door.

The skeleton shrugs again. It’s beginning to piss you off. “how can i with someone like you?”

‘Someone like you?’

What the fuck does that mean -

The sudden slamming of a door opening behind you makes your reflexes kick in and you turn around in the blink of an eye in surprise, tensing slightly. You almost immediately relax as you see that it’s only Captain Undyne who stands before you, with a look that tells you she didn’t want to be disturbed for hours until she drank a few gallons of water.

She wasn’t in any armor today. Her hair was done up in a ponytail as usual with a bang hanging on the left side. She wore a light grey sleeveless turtleneck, a black leather jacket, and matching pants that were tucked into brown boots that were covered in dirt and mud.

“I’m fucking busy you - “ Your Captain begins to grumble before she makes eye contact with you, her face immediately lighting up which fills you with a sense of pride and happiness.

“ - PUNK!” Captain Undyne pulls you into a sudden hug that’s slightly stronger then Roman’s but you again manage to hug back as you begin to laugh at her enthusiasm.

“Hey there loser, thought you’d never come back!” She says after putting you down and letting you go. “That spaghetti me and Paps made you any good?”

You nod happily with a smile. “Yes ma’am.”

“Ayyye, no need for titles! You’re off duty - ” She stops mid-sentence, silently thinking to herself about something. “No, wait. I actually do need you for something.”

“What’s the problem Captain?”

“Well ya’ see - ” Captain Undyne cuts herself off again, glancing behind you to the skeleton who just stands there watching. “Why are you here?” She demands in an annoyed tone.

Sir Marsh once again shrugs at your Captain, putting a lazy smile back on his skull. “helped her here.” He replies, gesturing his head to you.

“Oh.” Captain Undyne simply says, clearly shocked by his answer. “Well, uhhh, thanks I guess.”

…Since when does Captain Undyne act calm?

“high energy as always.” The skeleton replies casually, but you wonder if he meant to be sarcastic or not. “what happened to being busy?”

“Oh crap, that’s right.” The cool fish lady groans tiredly. “Thank you for bringing her but I really am busy so can uhh, go I guess. Later!”

Captain Undyne’s words are a blur to you as she quickly grabs your hand and yanks you inside of her office and slamming her door quite loudly. You stumble by the force of her pull but manage to catch yourself and stand on your feet.

There’s a few seconds of silence before you turn to her standing up straight and ask her, “…What was that?”

“What was what?” She asks you back, placing her hands on her hips content.

“That weird conversation you have with Sir Marsh.” You inform her, trying to sound respectful. “Out of curiosity, you were acting weirder then normal and it seemed strange to me.”

“G-Gah - !” She playfully acts taken aback by your words. “How dare you call me weird!”

“You’ve always been weird Captain.” You tell her with a smile. “Just want to make sure it isn’t contagious.”

“Damn, you’re being bold today aren’t ya’?” She teases walking past you towards her desk, making you roll your eyes as you follow her body.

You liked Captain Undyne. She had this way of making you relax whenever she was around which was comforting. Unlike Commander Edge, you were certain she liked you a lot, just behind the love for her girlfriend of course. You considered her your friend which you technically shouldn’t do but you like it when it was just you and her.

“Well, the past 10 minutes have been very weird itself, so I think I deserve to - “

You stop talking when your eyes land on her desk.

…Okay, so it wasn’t just you and her anymore.

At her desk where two seats, both of which were currently filled. They wore proper Royal uniforms, unlike Sir Marsh, with the kingdoms symbol embroidered on their left shoulder.

And they were watching you.

When she said she was busy, you thought she was doing paperwork or cleaning all her armor! Whenever she does that, she gets really frustrated that she has to do something like that over actual training.

But instead, she’s apparently in the middle of a meeting in her office.

Because of course she is.

You feel like the world wants you to get yourself fired today. With you being extra bitchy and all.

Captain Undyne sits down at her desk, taking notice of your frozen position and glancing at her two taken seats and seems to put two and two together. She quickly clears her throat, catching the attention of both occupants and you begin to breath again.

“General [L/N,] I’d like you to meet The Royal Negotiator Blue and The Royal Legal Advisor Stretch.”

…You literally just realized the two other people in the room are also skeletons.

Not only that, they also happen to be related to Commander Edge, and Roman, and Sir Marsh!

Because of course they are!

“A-Ah.” You reply, failing to hold but your stammer. “I assume they’re here about the bodyguard request.”

“I DON’T NEED A BODYGUARD!” The shorter skeleton who looked like Sir Marsh exclaimed in frustration.

This was Sir Blueberry, or Blue for short. He was the kingdoms Royal Negotiator. His job was to travel on the Royal Family’s behalf to negotiate with other countries for peace. This could mean making a deal for supplies, possible marriages for Prince Asriel, the king and queens son, or simply to prevent any possible war from happening.

Which, sadly, has happened more then once.

Sir Blue turned to the taller skeleton on his right. “I’M OLDER THEN YOU, SO WHY AREN’T YOU LISTENING TO ME?!”

…that is the worse comeback you can say in a situation.

“bro, for the last time, this is under cabinet orders and even then, i don’t want to take chances.” The taller one who looks liked Roman responds with a tired sigh.

This was Sir Stretch, the kingdoms Legal Advisor. He oversaw any and all legal transactions or deals the Royal Family decided on to make sure all terms were fair and just.

He travels with Sir Blue a lot because of all the deals and treaty’s made with other parties. He makes sure there’s no loopholes anyone can take and everyone gets what they want.

He also’s Sir Blue’s brother.

More brothers. Yay.

“Plus, this isn’t something you should do on your own. Sir.” Captain Undyne quickly jumped in, quickly adding “Sir” at the end as she gestured you to come forward.

“That’s why I have assigned the best person to travel with you.” You step forward as ordered between the seats of the two skeletons, looking as serious as you possibly could as they look up at you.

“General [Y/N] [L/N] was one of two people to graduate top of her class during training. She’s also one of the most swift and skillful when in battle, almost as good as Commander Edge and me.” You fail to hold back a smile at her words as she continues.

“She’s done guard work many times before and I can promise you that she will make you are completely out of harms way.”

You look down at Sir Blue, making eye(?) contact before smiling. He furrows his bone-brow(?) and crosses his arms, looking away from you.

Ouch.

“ignore my brother.” You turn to Sir Stretch he stands up with a sigh. “he’s gonna be like that the whole time so don’t take it personal.”

Too late.

You push away your feelings and offer your hand from him to shake. “Well either way, it’s an honor to make your acquaintance Sir.”

Fancy talk is annoying.

“if you live up to your reputation, then same.” He chuckles, taking your hand.

No pranks. Nice!

“If I may ask, why only hire one bodyguard. Sir Blue is a rather important person and from what I’ve been, err, “told,” very dangerous people could be after him.” You ask curiously. “Surely a team of at at least 5 is better then me.”

“hiring one person was the only thing my brother would agree to.”

“AND I STILL DON’T NEED ONE.” Sir Blue jumps in, still very annoyed.

“you do. so stop fighting and say hi to the pretty lady.”

You turn to Sir Blue to offer your hand, but quickly look back at Sir Stretch who simply gave you a smile before gesturing to his brother. You feel your face warm slightly before offering your hand to Sir Blue, who looks at it distastefully.

“Look at it this way Sir. I can promise you won’t even notice me there. And once this is done, you won’t need me anymore.” You tell him in an attempt of reassurance.

He continues to frown at your hand, before glancing up at you. His frown lifts up into a more neutral way expression, giving you deja vu of Sir Marsh and you feel self-conscious once again.

Eventually, he sighs too and shakes your hand with a small smile.

“I’M SORRY. I’M SURE YOU’RE A NICE PERSON.”

“Oh no, don’t be Sir!” You chirp at him as you pull away your hand. “I get the feeling of wanting to take care of yourself and not wanting me around is completely understandable.”

Be self-deprecating later, he’s your client not Jane.

“But I can promise you will be out of harms way.”

“That’s why I chose you!” Captain Undyne jumps in ducking under her desk. From there, she comes back up with a box of very thick books and folders and places it on said desk. “I already have profiles and the geography of where you’ll be going right here for you.”

You laugh dryly as you place the folders you had been carrying on top of the box before picking it up. “Considerate as always Captain.”

“Thanks!” She replies cheerfully, seemingly ignorant of your slight sarcasm. “Anyway, I think that’s all I need from you right now. Make sure to read all this before tomorrow morning, you start then.”

“T-TOMORROW?!” Sir Blue asks with a slight whine. “BUT WE DON’T LEAVE UNTIL WEDNESDAY!”

“It’s protocol Sir.” You answer your client calming, slightly hurt by his words but you ignore it. “As your bodyguard, I need to get to know you and my habits so I can prepare any precautions.” You explain informatively.

“Precautions - ? - WHAT KIND OF PRECAUTIONS!?”

Aw shit, he’s upset again.

“N-Nothing extensive Sir. It just gives me a chance to get to know you better. Your schedule, who you interact with, things like that!” You once again reassure him, moving the box to the side of your hip to pat his shoulder in an attempt to calm him down.

Sir Blue begins to drop his clear frustration and begins to look at you with surprise, looking hopeful even. “G-Get To Know Me Better?”

Okay, he’s calming down. Keep talking.

“Yes Sir.” You say, relaxing slightly. “In order for me to make sure you will be at your absolute safest, I need to understand you better to make sure I take care of any and all possible liabilities.”

Sir Blue seems to think, rubbing his chin(?) turning away from you, his eye lights turning into question marks -

Wait a second what?

“SO, YOU’LL BE LIKE A FRIEND?”

…

……..

“………E-Excuse me?” You ask after a while.

“YOU NEED TO GET TO KNOW ME BETTER RIGHT?”

“Essentially - ”

“THEN YOU’LL BE LIKE MY FRIEND!” Your client repeats, this time his eye lights are literal stars -

How is he doing that?!

More importantly, what the fuck do you say to that?!

You glance at Captain Undyne, who shoots you a very nervous look, her mouth strained as she gestures for you to answer. You don’t even dare to look at Sir Stretch but you have a feeling he has the same expression.

“Ummmm… sure?” You eventually answer, not even bothering to hide your uncertainty.

Sir Blue practically lights up, more tiny starts appearing in his eye sockets -

I’m sorry, you can’t get over this.

- before he eagerly grabs your hand and starts shaking it again.

“WOWZERS, I HAVE A FRIEND! PAPY DID YOU HEAR THAT!?” The skeleton exclaims happily, rushing over to his brother. You finally turn to the Advisor, who chuckles with his brother as he pats his skull with a smile.

“that’s awesome bro.” Sir Stretch comments as he looks at you a nods. You nervously nod back, adjusting the box at your hip to hold it with both your hands as this sudden wave of emotions begin to smother you.

What the fuck just happened?

“Uhh, w-well I should get going!” You announce with a bow.

Why did two Royal Advisors hit on you today?

“I have lots of work to do! Lots of work that I have to work on!” You let out very forced and nervous laughs as you walk backwards to the door.

Why does the Royal Negotiator want you to be his friend?

“L-Like papers. Lots of paperwork!”

Why did things stayed the same but also changed?

Captain Undyne quickly nods as Sir Blue and Sir Stretch wave at you. “You do that work! I expect that back soon.”

“Got it! Wait, I mean aye aye Captain, I-I mean…”

Why don’t you ever shut up?!

You sigh tiredly before placing the box at your hip again as your free hand reach for the door handle. “I’ll get too it.”

Before she can get another word in, you rush out the door and quickly slam it behind you.

You feel this wave of exhaustion wash over you, moving the box to hold in both your hands. You move to the side of the door and lean your back against the wall, feeling ready to pass out.

…Well.

This was your life.

Chapter Text

Sleep is uncommon territory for you.

You did sleep. You could sleep. You just chose not too.

It’s not like you never sleep. You do, but it’s only when your body feels like it’s about to die or you have days off, which almost never happen.

So whenever you don’t sleep, like now, you like to keep yourself busy. Keep blood pumping or some shit your doctor said.

In all fairness, he was a good doctor who didn’t encourage your habits but he isn’t here, is he?

Because you decided not to sleep, you started working on those assignments Captain Undyne and Commander Edge gave you, which were rather easy. Which meant they were done rather quickly.

So then why were you up at 4 am?

You were researching the box your Captain gave you.

You had been writing on maps searching the safest routes, you were crossing off areas to avoid that Hate Group, and for some reason taking note of any and all tourist attractions in the region in cause the deal was over before you had to come back home.

You spent, and I’m not joking, 3 hours on tourist attractions alone .

Enio was boring as hell .

All they had was this museum with, you will admit, beautiful paintings but they didn’t sound fun. It wasn’t near the beach and all they had was this lake in the middle of the fucking woods which you crossed off immediately. And you doubt a tour of the kingdom will be entertaining.

Why were you making a big deal about this anyway? You’ll be working for two weeks then you’ll never have to see this short ass again!

Deciding you’re done, you lean back into your chair and stretch out your arms and legs with a yawn.

Glancing at the clock, you feel a part of you die inside as you realize you have to get ready for the day.

At 4 am.

What fun.

You undo your hair and let it fall, grabbing a piece of it to smell. You immediately drop it in disgust holding back a gag.

How did it smell this bad? You showered yesterday.

Or was it last week?

God, taking care of a baby have you amnesia.

You begin to clean up the papers and books scattered around your dining table, which you barely used, placing them back into the box nice and neat. You separate the papers that you considered important before standing up and heading to your bedroom.

Your room wasn’t much. You don’t have enough time to decorate so you bought the cheapest things you could find that were of decent material. Your bed was in the center of the wall when you walked in, with a desk on one side and a nightstand on the other with a lamp. Across the bed was a dresser and a TV hanging above. Your closet was on the wall next to the nightstand, doors semi-open to reveal your clothing.

Turning on the light, you head for your closet and scan through your shirts. You eventually pull out two button-ups, one light blue and one white.

What to wear?

Ahhh, the pointless dilemma.

If you wore blue, it flattered your skin well. It was also one of your favorite shirts. However, your clients name was literally Blue so maybe that would mean something?

You’re overthinking -

If you were white, it seemed more professional to make up for being a complete idiot yesterday. You wore this shirt often though and  you were honestly getting bored of it.

This is stupid -

Does this even matter? This job is only two weeks. Then he’ll never have to see you again. This isn’t even your first time meeting him so his opinion of you is already probably shit.

Sighing heavily, you hang the blue shirt.

You grab some black pants and socks from your dresser before heading to your bathroom. It was small, but you spared it no extra thought to it as you turned on the shower.

Stripping your clothes, you toss them into a hamper nearby before stepping in. The warm water feels nice on your skin as you grab shampoo and massage it into your hair.

This was honestly your favorite part of the day. The time you get to yourself before you went off to work. It was slow, but you liked slow since time felt longer.

Sadly time was never on your side because before you know it, you were stepping out of the shower with a towel wrapped around you. You quickly squeeze any excess water from your hair, tucking the towel right before rummaging for your blow dryer.

Blasting warm air on your hair, your mind wonders to your job. Papyrus had texted you last night Sir Blue’s schedule which seemed very light like you hoped it would be. Then again, he was related to Papyrus and Commander Edge so anything was possible.

The rest of your time in the bathroom just flows past you as you fix your hair and put on your clothes. The warmth of the bathroom begins to fade when you look at yourself in the mirror, nodding at the fact you don’t look like a complete mess.

Walking out, you head back to your dining table and grab the pile of papers you separated, along with your phone and wallet. Heading to your front door, you grab a black jacket hanging nearby and slip it on, placing both your phone and wallet into pockets inside. Finally, you sit down as you grab some match shoes, tying them nice and tight before you stand up again and head out your door.

It’s still dark out for the most part, but you notice the sun slowly rising up. It’s breezy but nothing extreme, it felt nice as you walked down the street to a nearby Carriage Stop.

It arrived at 4:35 (you checked your phone) and you got on, paying the coachman the fee before telling him the address to Sir Blue’s house.

…and Papyrus’ house.

…..and Commander Edge -

Basically, every skeleton lives together.

Probably?

God, your amnesia’s getting worse.

There were more, because of course there were, but you’ve only met a handful of them in person. Until yesterday, Papyrus, the Commander and his brother were the only skeletons you’ve interacted with more then once.

Right, you also know Commander Edge’s brother.

He was….

…interesting to say the least?

Wonder what mood he’ll be in today. Bitchy, annoying, or both? It’s always a gamble with him.

By 4:55 (you checked your phone again) you arrived at the house. You thanked the coachman who tipped his hat and wished you to have a nice day before riding off. You turn to the house again, already feeling exhausted for what’s to come.

Or because you haven’t gotten any sleep.

The house was big, not mansion big but it was nice. Why they lived in their own house instead of the castle is something you’re unsure of but don’t ask. You simply gather your nerves together before you step forward and lightly knock on the door in hopes of not disturbing anyone else who is asleep.

It swings open after the third knock, a chuckle coming out of your throat as you see a familiar face, err, skull.

“GOOD MORNING GENERAL!” Roman greets you cheerfully, moving aside with a wave and you take it was a sign to walk inside. “ARE YOU READY FOR A FANTASTIC DAY?”

“How do you know the day will be fantastic?” You smile as he closes the door and walks ahead of you into the kitchen. “Have you added “ predicting the future ” to your long list of talents?”

The skeleton shakes his skull looking genuinely frustrated making your smile bigger. “SADLY NO, THOUGH THAT WOULD BE VERY COOL.” He tells you as he goes to his fridge and begins searching for something.

“I JUST HAVE THIS FEELING TODAY WILL BE FANTASTIC.” Roman explains, grabbing a carton of eggs from the fridge before closing the door. “HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?”

You quickly shake your head with a humble smile, shaking your hand to show him you were fine. “Thank you but I’m alright.”

“NONSENSE! THE BEST WAY TO START A FANTASTIC DAY IS TO HAVE A FANTASTIC BREAKFAST!” The skeleton insists, gesturing you to sit down at the dining table as he starts up the stove. “NOW ANSWER MY QUESTION.”

You sigh before pulling up a chair, tossing your papers on the table as you begins to look over then once more. “Sunny side up. Over easy.”

Roman nods with a hum before placing the carton on the kitchen counter and grabbing some eggs. You grab the papers you tossed and began to look over then as Papyrus begins to cook.

Now that you think about, you’ve never been inside of their house. You’ve known both Roman and Commander Edge for a long time but you’ve only interacted with them for work. It wasn’t as weird as you thought it would be, in fact in took comfort with the skeleton cooking breakfast.

It was just, weird that you didn’t feel weird.

Maybe it’s because you’re here for work. Yeah, that explains it! You’re business focused today, you aren’t relaxing. Roman is making you breakfast so you’ll have energy, not because he’s your friend!

Well, you two are somewhat friends. You cared about him a lot and he cares about you along with the Commander and the Captain. You considered all of them your friends - !

Friendship had nothing to do with anything right now!

You snap out of your thoughts rather quickly, getting back to your task at hand. Sir Blue’s schedule was very laxed today, a meeting in the morning and then the rest of the day he would do paperwork and occasionally spoke with the King or other members of the Cabinet.

All you can hope is that it stays that way.

“HERE YOU GO!” You retain a neutral face as you look at the skeleton who places 2 eggs like you requested hot and ready in front of you with a fork.

It’s just 2 fucking eggs but you haven’t eaten in over 12 hours so they were fucking heaven.

You hide your excitement well, smiling at Roman as you pick up the fork and nod at him. “Thank you so much.”

“WOULD YOU LIKE SOMETHING TO DRINK?”

“No thank you.” You shake your head while smiling gently. The skeleton seems content with your answer before he heads back to the fridge and grabs some more food.

You use the fork to cut part of the egg, with you take a bite of as you continue to review. It wasn’t much, you will admit that, but again you never cared what you ate. Just as long as it wasn’t your cooking.

As you eat, you hear another set of footsteps approach the kitchen. They were being dragged across the floor, this person obviously still groggy from the fact they had to wake up at 5am.

You could hear from here that they wore fluffy slippers, some sort of noise was made whenever this person stepping with them. You have several guesses to who is could be, but you’ll only know for certain when you look up since they begin to get closer to the kitchen.

You glance up from your papers and smirk at this new surprise guest entering the room. He didn’t seem to notice you right away which you’re very thankful for while he yawns tiredly and scratches his butt. (Coccyx?)

“g’mornin’ paps.” The guest tiredly greeted, walking over to the fridge.

“GOOD MORNING RED!” Roman greeted back with enthusiasm.

You will never understand how he as so much.

Sir Red goes unfazed by the tallers loud voice as he opens the fridge, bending down to scan its contents before shaking his skull disappointedly and closing it.

“stretch up yet?” The shorter yawned, walking over to the seat in front of you. He still doesn’t notice you as he places his skull on the table with his arms around it for comfort.

“HE WILL BE SOON.” Roman answered as he placed some more cooked eggs onto a plate. “OH GENERAL, YOU HAVE TO TRY HIS COFFEE. IT’S JUST AMAZING.”

You nod at the skeleton who looks back at you excitedly. “I’ll think about it.”

Sir Red lifts his head from the table slightly to look at Roman before he slowly turns to you, his eye lids(?) half closed. You pick up another piece of egg before waving at him and popping it into your mouth.

“Good morning.” You greet the shorter calmly.

His eye sockets widen in both surprise and horror, shooting up from his sleeping pose rather quickly with his face flushes red. This causes the chair to lift up on its two back legs, and Sir Red nearly falls backwards before he tightly grips the table and pulls himself forwards.

“w-why the fuck are you here?!” He demands from you in frustration, pointing at you exaggeratedly. You shrug and place your eyes back to reading.

“Work.” You simply reply, taking another bite of egg.

“then go to the fuckin’ cas’le! not ma’ damn house!” He lectures you as he snaps his fingers, a pair of pants falling into his hands. “ ‘m fuckin’ naked you bitch!”

“HEY!” Roman snaps at Sir Red, turning in his direction with a frown and his bone-brows down. “NO NAME CALLING!”

“It’s fine Roman.” You assure him as you continue to read. “And I would hardly call ducky boxers and a dirty t-shirt naked.”

Sir Red stops putting on his pants backwards as he turns into a tomato, Roman looking at his cousin before smiling brightly once again.

“YOU STILL WEAR THEM?” The taller asks excitedly, his eye sockets literally sparkling with anticipation.

How the fuck are they doing that?!

Sir Red’s skull is now blinding your eyes as he pauses from putting on his pants, and looks away in embarrassment. “yeah, they’re nice ‘n breezy.”

You suppress a giggle as he continues putting on pants.

Once Sir Red has them on, you finally glance up at him with a smirk. He looks back at you with annoyance, his skull finally having calmed down.

Having finished your food you place down the papers and grab your plate, getting up from the table. You stare at the sitting skeleton before deciding to say, “They’re on backwards.”

You smile before walking over to the sink right next to Roman, Sir Red noticing you were right and turning into a tomato once again. You hear him fumble to take them off as you begin to wash your dish.

“fuckin’ cocky ass bitch - ”

“WHAT DID I JUST SAY?”

Sir Red groans before he mumbles an apology and slips on his pants. He sits back down at the table with a frown, before his eye sockets land on your papers across from him. Shrugging, he grabs them just as you place your dish on a nearby rack and turn around to see him reading it.

“…stars, ‘course they hired you.” He grumbles frustratedly as he hands you back the papers. You take them wordless sitting back down in the chair, glancing at the clock that read 5:00.

Roman slides a plate of more eggs on the table along with a plate in front of Sir Red with a fork. The shorter mumbles a thank you as he snaps his fingers and uses magic to lift some onto said plate.

The quiet from earlier settles in once again as Sir Red begins eating. Roman begins to cook some bacon next, placing the pan he used for the eggs to the side to cook off.

After a while, you decide you’ve memorized Sir Blue schedule and stand up from the table with papers in hand. Sir Red glances up at you as you walk over to the side of a wall before standing straight. You fold your arms behind your back with your papers as you make eye contact with the skeleton.

“what’ca doin’?”

“It feels rude to be sitting when everyone wakes up.” You explain calmly to the short, who scoffs at you and points with his fork.

“since when are ya’ nev’a rude?” He asks you sarcastically, cutting more of his eggs and putting them into his mouth.

“I’ll stop being rude whenever you pull an actual brain out of your coccyx - ”

“THAT APPLYS TO YOU TOO GENERAL!” You tense up slightly at Roman but nod nonetheless.

“I wouldn’t say it was name calling - ”

“DOESN’T MEAN YOU TWO SHOULD BE RUDE TO EACH OTHER.”

You simply nod at him while Sir Red frowns and continues to eat.

You wouldn’t say you hate Sir Red, in fact you respected him more than anything. He was the Kingdom’s Deputy Advisor, which meant he supervised what is being said to the public from a political standpoint as well as what the Royal Family or Ambassadors do and say.

He was good at what he did. Sure, he came off as a slob who probably hates the sun and smiles and sits on his ass (if he had one) 24/7, but he knew what needed to be said or done at the right time.

With that being said, he’s also a pain in your ass (which you have.)

The man is a slob, the biggest one you’ve ever seen. He leaves his trash all over the place and smells like absolute shit. His clothes are washed every single day but they smell horrible once he puts them on.

That’s literally just his BO! He doesn’t even have a body!

Then he’s also super annoying. Like, insanely annoying you don’t know why he even tries. Whenever he’s around, he does just the most weirdest shit and he attempts to bother you whenever he sees you to get a reaction.

So yeah, you don’t hate him.

But if he was somewhere, you wanted to be at least 20 feet away from there.

“MORNING EDGE!”

Roman’s voice snaps you back to the present and you look up at entryway where your Commanding Officer stands -

Shirtless you may add.

His rib cage wasn’t that different from a humans, it was just slightly more, pronounced, which is the best way you can describe it.

He looked exhausted and obviously still very groggy, similar to his brother before, and he doesn’t seem to notice right away like him as well.

“Morning Nitwit.” The Commander grumbles tiredly. “Brother.”

“sup boss.” Sir Red greets him, standing up from his seat and heading to the sink with his plate.

“Good Morning Gen - GENERAL ?!” Your Superior finally notices you out of the corner of his eye socket, his skull turning bright orange.

…You knew you were invisible but this was a whole new level.

You plaster a soft smile on your face and nod. “Good morning Commander.”

“W-WHY ARE YOU HERE?!” He demand from you, using both his arms in attempt to cover up  his rib cage (it didn’t.)

“For Sir Blue, Commander.” You answer calmly.  “I’ve been hired as his bodyguard for his upcoming trip to Enio.”

Commander Edge looked dumbfounded as he processed your words, before groaning loudly in despair, turning to Papyrus with annoyance. “DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS YOU NITWIT?”

“OF COURSE!” Roman chirped proudly. “I RECOMMENDED HER MYSELF!”

“Did you now?” You inquire the skeleton, this being new information.

“OF COURSE! BLUE DESERVES THE BEST, AND YOU ARE THE BEST SO IT’S ONLY NATURAL I RECOMMEND THE BEST FOR THE BEST.”

You chuckle and continue to smile at Papyrus, Commander Edge having given up on covering himself as he sits down at the table. “Can’t argue with logic.”

“IT’S NOT LOGIC, IT’S FAVORITISM.” Commander Edge grumbles distastefully.

It’s more pity than favoritism.

“SHE IS THE BEST EDGE AND YOU KNOW IT.” Roman talks about, having finished the bacon which he placed on the table next to eggs. “YOU’RE JUST JEALOUS.”

“Those are very heavy words Papyrus.” You playfully tease. “Be sure not to rattle him up like last time.”

A yawn comes from behind you. “what happened last time?” A fifth voice asks groggily.

You and the three other skeletons in the room turn to the entryway once again to find Sir Marsh, wearing nothing but a blue open jacket, sweatpants, and fluffy pink slippers.

Two shirtless guys in one day, you’re either just lucky or crossing 20 lines of common curtesy.

“REMEMBER WHEN WE ASKED GREEN TO GIVE US SOME TAX MONEY FOR THE MANOR?” Roman informed his brother, Red standing next to him washing his plate. “THAT WAS LAST TIME.”

“oh yeah, didn’t ‘dyne make a lecture ’bout that - “ Sir Marsh cuts himself off, his eye sockets landing on you, his skull dusting a light blue as he stands frozen.

“You’re not the first person to not see me right away, it’s completely fine.” You nod your head as a gesture of respect. “I’m sorry if I’m here on such short notice. Coming to my clients place of residency is part of my job so don’t mind me.”

Sir Marsh continues his pause for a beat before he chuckles. “i don’t mind you being here for work.” He claims, shoving his hands into his pockets as he steals a glance at the other skeletons in the room. “i mind the fact i’m half-naked and we haven’t been on a first date yet.”

You feel a lump in your throat rise up at his comment as you force your face to remain the same. The others on the other hand snap their skulls towards Sir Marsh, Commander Edge looking absolutely pissed which Sir Red and Papyrus look somewhat shocked and surprise.

…okay, what the actual fuck was he doing?

No, like seriously, what the fuck?

You played along yesterday because he was your Superior who helped you out. You humored him, let him do what he wanted, hell, he flirted with you of all the things he could’ve done and he still wants to play that card?

No one flirts with you! No one even talks to you outside of work. Jane and Micheal don’t count, you’ve know them for years! You met this dude yesterday!

Yesterday!

Was he doing this to mess with you? Get a reaction out of your constant bitch face? Play with your feelings? You almost laugh out loud at the thought he’d want to actually sleep with you.

“MARSH!” Roman gasps exasperatedly. “YOU DON’T JUST SAY THAT!”

“Y-YEAH!” Commander Edge jumps in, standing up from the table, holding his fist out determinedly. “YOU DON’T JUST HIT ON MY FFFF IRCEST ASSEST LIKE THAT!”

See, not a friend.

Also, thank you Roman for being the only other person with common sense like always.

The skeleton hums in agreement with his scarier doppelgänger. “THAT’S RIGHT! YOU NEED TO FOLLOW THE MANUAL FIRST!”

“EXACTLY - ” Commander Edge starts off his agreement but cuts himself off and pauses for a hot second.

“…I’m Sorry, What?”

“yea’, what?” Sir Red jumps in after so long of staying quiet

Yeah, what?

“LUCKY FOR YOU, I ALWAYS HAVE IT HANDY!” Roman chirps, leaning on the counter behind him as he snapped his skeletal fingers, a flash of orange dropping a pink book into his hands. “WE CAN REVIEW THIS AT DINNER TONIGHT.”

“solid plan as always bro.” Sir Sans compliments the taller with a wink, teleporting to a seat next to Commander Edge before sitting.

Oh right, they can teleport -

WAIT, THEY CAN TELEPORT!?

“THAT IS NOT A SOLID PLAN!” Your Commander argues angrily, slamming his hands on the table and pointing at the monster next to him. “YOU DON’T JUST SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO SOMEONE SO CASUALLY!”

“y-yea.” Sir Red jumps in, obviously uncomfortable. “b’asides, she’s way outta ya’ league.”

“I mean, at least he gets to play.” You jump in without hesitation, Sir Marsh suddenly holding back a massive fit of giggles while Sir Red frowns in annoyance.

“go ta’ hell ya’ fuckin’ crazy - ”

“damn, what crawled up your imaginary ass and died today?” Another voice drops in a more joking manner.

Oh my god , how many skeletons live in this fucking house?!

“GOOD MORNING STRETCH!” Papyrus greets his look-alike cousin, who tiredly waves in return.

“g’morning paps - oh shit.” Sir Stretch begins but he cuts himself off as he looks in your direction.

“uhhhh…” His eye sockets widen in surprise for a quick second before he snaps his fingers and points to you. “ - General [L/N] right?”

You nod at the Advisor, offering your hand for him to shake. “Miss [Y/N] is suitable, but thank you.”

He’s the first person to notice you right away, good on him!

“I heard about your famous coffee Sir.” You say with a friendly smile as he takes your hand. “It sounds very delicious.”

“nyeh, thanks.” He smiles back at you, pulling his hand away seeming somewhat awkward. “you, uhhhh, wanna try some?”

“Oh no, that’s completely fine - ”

“sweet’art, trust me.” Sir Red advises in a cautionary tone, teleporting(!?) next to you and placing a hand on your shoulder. “if ya’ gonna babysit berry, ya’ gonna need a good cup of coffee.”

You turn your head in Sir Red’s direction, face straight flat and staring back at his somewhat tired and bored expression.

…

“First off, you’ve known me long enough to know if you ever called me sweetheart with that foul tongue of yours again, I’d kick your pathetic ass all the way to London.” You state informatively, a variety for expressions scattered throughout the room but Sir Red stays unamused.

“Second, I wasn’t asking for your opinion. I’ve once made a trip all the way across the country without a wink of sleep with a crying baby and three cranky pregnant women so watching over Sir Blue for 2 weeks will be easier then getting you to shower.” Commander Edge smirks at your remarks, while Roman frowns in annoyance but doesn’t jump in.

“Lastly, I’m not a personal fan of coffee.” You state calmly. “No matter what, it tastes overly bitter. So I don’t want a cup.” Your turn to Sir Stretch and put a smile back on your face as if you weren’t totally pissed. “And while I’m sure you coffee lives up to it’s expectations, I am completely fine with a glass of water that I can get when I’d like.”

“So thank you, but I must decline.” You nod your head in respect at the taller before turning back to Sir Red, your smile now back to an annoyed frown. “And as for you, don’t call me that ever again and mind your own damn business.” You warn the shorter, who’s expression still remains unchanged.

“Is that clear, Sir?”

The skeleton says nothing for a while, however it feels like an eternity to your anxiety. It begins to build up again as you calm down from your outburst.

…

You’re being judged.

You can feel it.

You can feel Roman’s disappointment, you can feel Sir Red’s irritating as he just continues to stare into your eyes, you can  feel the Commander amusement of making a complete fool of yourself in front of the others -

Oh my god, the others.

Sir Marsh CHECK ed you yesterday, but that’s a completely different thing from judging. He’s judging you, and he’s judging you hard.

You feel it more intensely this time.

You can feel his surprise and shock, and the disgust he feels at your behavior towards his cousin. How dare you speak to him like that? He’ll back off with the flirting now at least.

Then Sir Stretch -

You feel his eye sockets just burn into the back of your head. You can feel his disappointment at now having you watch over his brother. You acted out of line, he won’t want you on the job anymore after this.

He’ll probably tell Captain Undyne, maybe both him and Sir Marsh. You can already predict her disappointment in you. You chose you specifically and getting fired on the first day here, your first day back just makes your stomach twist and turn in anxiety.

That all your good for huh?

Disappointing people?

‘ You really are pathetic. ’

…

“…crystal general mcbitchington.” Sir Red replies after an eternity.

“GODDAMNIT RED, THAT’S THE THIRD TIME!” Roman groans in disappointment at the shorter.

“THAT WASN’T EVEN A GOOD INSULT!” Commander Edge jumped in, sitting back down as he’s obviously now relaxed. “YOU GOT TO HIT CLOSE TO HOME.”

“EDGE, DON’T ENCOURAGE HIM.”

“WHAT?” Edge asks with a teasing smile towards his cousin. “SHE CAN TAKE IT, ISN’T THAT RIGHT GENERAL.”

… He knew what he was doing .

“Oh course Commander.”

You’ll thank him later.

“SEE.” He gestures to you to prove his point. “IF SHE CAN’T THEN SHE ISN’T THE BEST.”

“And like you said Roman, I am the best.” You chuckle, ignoring the disgusted stare coming from Sir Sans.

Roman frowns and points his skeletal finger at you ready to lecture. “USING MY WORDS AGAINST ME IS EVIL.”

“But they’re right.” You shoot back with a soft smile.

“i can’t deal with this much cheerfulness in the mornin’.” Grumbles Sir Red, pinching the bridge of where his nose should be, most likely having a headache.

“Good.” You nod, still smiling. “Maybe it’ll rub off on you.”

“god, i hate ya’ so much.” Sir Red grumbles, and you continue to smile as you ignore the sting his words have.

“That’s lovely.” You nod towards the Advisor before turning your head towards Sir Stretch, who tenses as you make eye contact and his cheekbones turn a bright orange. “Do you know when your brother will wake up?”

His eye sockets widen slightly before he seems to grab ahold of himself, shoving his hands into the pockets of his grey sweatpants. “uhhhh, soon probably.”

Wow, so helpful.

You resist the urge to roll your eyes as you nod. “Duly noted. Roman made some eggs and bacon if you’re hungry.”

The Advisor puts on a nervous smile and rapidly nods. “y-yeah, sounds nice.”

“HERE’S YOUR PLATE!” The skeleton jumps in, sliding a plate of food across the table which he caught rather quickly before sitting across from Edge.

“wha - make meh’ coffee first!” Sir Red demanded as Sir Stretch began to eat.

“you know i always make it after eating.”

“ya’ not the one who stayed up ‘til 2 am.”

“no, i stayed up ‘til 3 ‘cause blue wouldn’t shut up about today.”

“WHAT’S WRONG WITH TODAY?” Roman jumps in sitting down next to his brother, placing a plate of food in front of the Advisor who says a thank you.

You .

“nothing.” Sir Stretch answers. “he’s excited actually.”

“the hell would he be excited about?” Sir Red asks, shoving more eggs in his mouth.

“her.” Sir Stretch replied, pointing to you.

“her?” Sir Red asks skeptically.

You?

“thought he didn’t want her.” Sir Marsh joins in after a while.

“well, he did, but then he began to think of her as a new friend and he, made things.”

“THAT’S NOT SUSPICIOUS.” Commander Edge remarks sarcastically with a chuckle.

“nothing weird , it’s just like, get to know you better questions and he even wants to go to that cafe he likes for lunch.”

“ aaannnnnnnd it’s all for her?” Sir Red asks, gesturing to you.

“yep.” Sir Stretch answers, popping the “p.”

“why?”

Yeah, you agree with Sir Red. Why?

…that’s something you’d never thought you’d say.

“BECAUSE FRIENDSHIP IS IMPORTANT!”

Okay, please for the love of god let this be the last one.

You all turn to the entrance of the kitchen to find Sir Blue, already dressed up and carrying a folder and some flash cards under his arms with the brightest smile you’ve ever seen.

Damn, Sir Red was right. You can’t deal with this much enthusiasm in the morning.

…these skeletons were changing you and it’s been less than a day, what the actual fuck -

“Good morning Sir.” You greet your client with a patient smile, who looks at with slightly widened eye sockets but he somehow smiles almost brighter.

“GOOD MORNING GENERAL!”

“Just Miss [Y/N] is fine thank you.” You correct him politely before gesturing to the table. “Papyrus made eggs and bacon if you’re hungry.”

“ARE YOU HUNGRY?”

“No, I had something to eat before you woke up. Thank you though.” You nod again as he nods at you before walking over to the kitchen counter and setting up his plate.

“WELL HOW HAS YOUR DAY BEEN SO FAR?”

You pretend to ponder, not wanting to reveal the fact you’re tired as hell and want to cry for an hour. “I did some research before heading to bed, than woke up and come here.”

“BUT IT’S 5 AM?” Sir Blue questions as he takes the last free seat at the dining table. “ARE YOU NOT TIRED?” He gasps as he realizes something.” YOU SHOULD TRY SOME OF PAPY’S COFFEE! I’M NOT A VERY BIG FAN BUT IT JUST WORKS WONDERS!”

You chuckle at his wonder like attitude but shake your head. “I have heard, but I’m alright. I’ve already told Sir Stretch I am not a personal fan. As for my sleep schedule, I usually go to bed early but I thank your concern.”

Roman and Commander Edge slightly frown but continue eating while Sir Blue nods nods at your answer before he begins eating.

Everything then returns to a peaceful silence. Some of them make some small talk but overall, the room is quiet. Domestic even.

It’s nice.

You smile to yourself as you watch the skeletons before your turn back to your folder to do some reading.

…aka, making yourself look busy so so you don’t feel awkward and left out in a strangers house.

Maybe going over Sir Blue’s schedule will help you!

You flip through the papers of the folder and reread the information, becoming bored at reading it again. You hold back a frown before opting to just stand there all “professionally,” holding the folder in your lap and looked straight ahead.

…wait, is that even the proper phrasing?

You’re standing up straight, and your folding is flat against your thighs. That normally the lap area of your legs.

But you’re standing .

People refer to laps when they’re sitting, their legs set up horizontally and flat. Does that count if the legs are vertical too? Or does a lap just not exist anymore when you stand up?

Maybe you can ask Micheal. You’d probably get kick out of him either getting annoyed or being genuinely as confused as you.

You fail to hold back a smile at the thought of bothering Micheal. It’d be insanely funny because that’s his thing. Cheering you up when he doesn’t even try.

Him and Jane’s thing anyway.

…okay, maybe him, Jane and Peter.

He was just so cute and adorable - ohhh ! And he does this thing where he tries to speak and he says syllables instead and it’s literally the cutest thing ever -

“stop lookin’ stupid.”

Your thoughts break away from Peter when you turn to Sir Red and you smile quickly drops to a frown. He looks at you with the same expression and he gathers the attention of everyone else at the table.

Joy …

“Pardon?” You inquire the skeleton, holding back the urge to sound annoyed.

“ya’ stupid smile is creepy as fuck, stop doing’ that.”

Roman sighs and rubs his skull (face) with both his hands as he lets out a groan. “RED, WE’VE TALKED ABOUT THIS.”

“what, it freaks meh’ out!” Sir Red claims as his defense. “she’s just starin’ atta’ wall for no fuckin’ reason?”

“Oh, so you’d rather have me breathing down your neck 24/7?” You ask, failing to hide a hint of sarcasm.

Sir Red scoffs. “fuck nah’ you have an ugly ass face and ya’ breath smells like onions.”

…okay, that one actually kinda hurt.

He’s not wrong but that was a low fucking blow dude.

“THAT’S IT!” Commander Edge snapped, slamming his fists on the table and pointed to his brother dramatically. “IF YOU DON’T BEHAVE AND STOP BEING A LITTLE BITCH, THEN I BAN YOU FROM BREAKFAST.”

“ya’ bannin’ meh’ from breakfast?” Sir Red scoffed again, leaning back into his chair and crossing his arms. “for makin’ a joke?”

You resist the urge to scoff. Typical excuse from someone like him.

“YOUR “JOKE” ARE FAR FROM FUNNY.” The Commander remarks. “SO EITHER YOU APOLOGIZE TO THE GENERAL RIGHT NOW, OR YOU CAN LEAVE RIGHT NOW.”

“ oh my god, ‘m so scared! ” Sir Red exclaimed sarcastically, Papyrus sighing tiredly to the side and Commander Edge beginning to grow angry. “my younger brother is makin’ leave, boo hoo!”

“Why Are You Always Like This - ” The Commander grumbled. “APOLOGIZE OR LEAVE!”

The Advisor leaned back into his chair with a scoff, crossing his arms as he made eye(?) contact with his brother. No one at the table dared to move a metaphorical muscle, not even you, out of pure curiosity and slightly fear.

Sir Red then turned his head and looked at you. He made eye contact with you too, and you could practically feel the hatred he felt towards you. It’s not a new feeling, but you do feel extremely uncomfortable.

Not that he’s know. You’re not giving him that satisfaction.

Suddenly the skeleton rolls his eye lights and makes a quiet “tsk” noice, before standing from the table. He doesn’t move to grab his plate as he swiftly leaves the room.

“ fuck this bullshit .” You hear him mumbles as he passes you towards the stairs. His footsteps become distance after a while and you soon turn back to the table to observe the others.

Commander Edge has sit back down, pinching the bridge of his nose while groaning tiredly. Papyrus awkward drinks a glass of water that you didn’t see him get, clearly just as uncomfortable as you. Sir Sans meanwhile seems annoyed of all things, tapping his fork between two of his fingers and looked at his plate with a frown.

Sir Stretch and Blue just sit in their chairs, somewhat stiff and on edge. They weren’t used to this like you were, you’re assuming that anyway so their uncomfortableness was valid.

A very long minute goes by and nothing happens. Sir Red continues to be upstairs, probably jerking off or something to make his room more dirty than you can assume it is. Sir Blue gets back to eating so Sir Stretch and and Sir Sans follow suit. Commander Edge doesn’t touch his food, instead tapping his foot impatiently while Roman moves his food around unsure of what to do.

…would now be a good time to say something?

Like, change the atmosphere of the room or whatever?

That’s what people do when things are weird, right?

Oh fuck, would that be professional?

No, it wouldn’t.

…

…just play it off as something casual!

Yeah, that’s not weird!

Okay, so just compliment them or something!

Say something about their house! Normal people like to talk about their houses right?

“…You all have a lovely house.”

Fuck yeah, you just did social interaction!

Some glance up at you while others turn their heads, Roman being one of those people. Whatever he was feeling before seemingly washed away, and he smiled brightly at your compliment.

“WHY THANK YOU GENERAL!” Roman says. “WE ACTUALLY JUST REDECORATED!”

“Did you now?” You asked while attempting to seem more casual and proper.

Roman nods and opens his jaw to speak again but Sir Blue cuts him off eagerly. “YEAH, WE DID! WE BOUGHT SOME NEW CLOCKS BECAUSE MOST OF THES WE HAD WERE BROKEN!” He informs you. “WE ALSO ORDERED A BUNCH OF NEW APPLIANCES AND INSTALLED THEM LAST WEEK!”

“oh my stars, that dishwasher?” Sir Marsh joined in, Roman watching blankly for a quick beat before smiling contently. “fucking lifesaver, i love that thing.”

“YOU DON’T EVEN WASH THE DISHES.” Commander Edge points out.

“ohhh, we also bought this new vacuum.” Now Sir Stretch joined in with a chuckle. “takes you like five minutes to clean the living room. it’s awesome.”

“YOU’VE NEVER EVEN TOUCHED A VACCUM!” The Commander exclaimed.

“but you have.” Sir Stretch chuckles. “and you get it done in five minutes.”

“THAT’S BECAUSE I DON’T SIT ON MY LAZY ASS ALL DAY FOLLOWING MY OLDER BROTHER LIKE A PUPPY.”

“edge, that’s his job.” Sir Marsh chuckles, the Commander frowned at the reminder.

“PLEASE, LIKE HE’S ANY GOOD AT IT.”

Sir Stretch scoffed at the accusation, putting a challenging smirk on his skull. “i will have you know that i’m excitement at my job.”

“I would hope so, or otherwise you wouldn’t have it.”

Commander Edge glares at you with annoyance as Sir Marsh snickers at your comment and Sir Stretch smirks with pride. You feel like you should take it back, but Commander Edge sighs before you can and continues to eat.

“i like her.” Sir Stretch comments, looking at you with a smile. You can’t help but smile back in return, and nod as a response.

“I like me too.”

Chapter Text

…oh.

There’s a visitor.

Sitting at her desk, the author looks away from her computer and turns to you -

Not the character you self-insert yourself as. (And while she’s aware of the debate about it, she doesn’t really care or judge - )

Like, you the actual reader.

The one on your phone, or computer, or even iPad (that one she does judge, who reads shit with an iPad these days? Unless you’re an IPad kid - )

— and looks at you with a face of confusion.

“Why are you here?” She asks you, crossing her arms at you.

…

“Well?” She asks you. “I’m waiting.”

…

“Wait, I can’t hear you.” She realizes, nodding to herself. She turns away from you and types away on her computer. You think she’s going back to writing until you see a little pop-up screen, showing the weather and date around where she lived.

Suddenly, it dawns.

“Oh.” She says.” You’re here because it’s Valentine’s Day.”

To your surprise, she snickers.

Then her snickers turn to chuckles.

Then her chuckles turn to full on laughs -

Oh, she’s making fun of you.

“Y-You think I’m gonna write something for fucking Valentine’s Day!?” She wheezes out baffled.

“That disaster of a chapter isn’t going to be out for at least another year, and even if it was, I don’t have the brain power to write it because of how shit it was.”

Her laughing calms down but she continues to giggle before turning back to her computer.

“I’ll write something soon.” She tells you as she gets back to work. “But I’m not going to write something lovie-dovie just for some dumb holiday.”

She glances back at you with a frown.

“The chapters over.”

Why are you still here?