Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Philza Minecraft was not a bad man. He chased after pickpockets, helped children find their parents, saved cats from trees. He tried his best to be a good person. But he wasn't all that great of a father. He was a hybrid and could barely keep himself fed while paying the bills let alone three orphan children whom he found on the street. He tried his best even with his five jobs, tried to give them as much attention and toys as possible but they still felt neglected. So when the oldest was eighteen, they left, taking Philza's heart with them.

He was so so sad after that, fell into a depressive state that affected how he was at work, and was fired from his jobs one by one. Phil was evicted from not being able to pay his bills and after a bad incident with a Hybrid Racist he was forced to leave the Dreamssempii.

Hybrids were disliked or hated everywhere. If they weren't a Hero, they were a freak.

He traveled to L'manburg and had to move into the slums. And of course Phil had to get multiple jobs once more since the pay was a cheap and a total rip-off of his hard-earned labor, but he did it and was able to afford a apartment with running water, air conditioning, and heat. But he was a hybrid so what do you expect? 

Hybrids aren't human and shouldn't be treated as such, unless they were a hero of course.

'Hybrids are monsters' and 'shouldn't even be in the city to begin with' or so people say. Hybrids are treated with almost zero respect and are often given pay cuts from their jobs and are always blamed for illegal activities even though the person had no clue what they were even getting arrested for.

Phil tried getting a house and job in the nicer districts.

It's safe to say that that didn't work out.

He was immediately arrested, the owner of the shop saying that he was trying to threaten her and steal from the shop, which he was certainly not. He had to spend the last of his money on a bail.

Phil had gotten so used to needing and striving to protect and care for another that with no one to motivate him to continue trying his best he felt empty and broken,

He was an 'old man', he was 'senile', and he was 'not in his time', he'd 'lived his life' and needed to 'move on and go into retirement'. People told him to leave their stores and shops saying that he needed to let the younger people have a chance and give them experience for their adult lives. They said he should go home and relax.

WELL HE CAN'T DO THAT IF HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY MONEY!

And......there was so much crime in the poorer districts and so many people needed a hero or someone to help them but all of the police didn't care at all and the 'official' heroes were in the cleaner and richer parts of the city getting more famous and earning loads of money that they would never need.
Someone needed to do something about it.

So Philza took up vigil-anteing,

It gave him purpose again, to help those in need, to save children from fires and disasters and give them a chance at life. Protecting young men and women from those who wanted to use and twist their bodies before killing them and throwing them into the garbage like a broken doll. (You would not believe how many kidnappings and attempted rapes he's stopped in just the last month alone.)

It felt nice to help those who couldn't help themselves or were too afraid to get in trouble.

Then someone who he had gotten arrested escaped prison and snitched on his patrol routes. He barely managed to escape the heroes and police that night. After that happened, three more people snitched on him, revealing who his vigilante persona talked to the most and where he usually hung out.

He stopped being a vigilante then.

If people were going to continue getting out of prison and doing bad things, if not worse stuff, all over again why bother letting those people continue?

Wouldn't it be better if they weren't there at all?

Wouldn't it be better if they were dead?

So he became a villain; a villain who killed villains and criminals alike, protecting the innocent and vigilantes that crossed his path.

Philza became the Crow Father.

Philza upped his training, started stealing, and giving himself bigger challenges, starting to get attention from the bigger heroes, villains, and vigilantes.

He became an Anti-hero.

And god damn he would be lying if he said that he didn't love it.

Of course now he had a decent amount of money from all the stealing he was doing. He was able to afford better equipment and first aid.

He's going to rob a bank tomorrow.

Give half of it to charity and save half for himself.

Phil had become friends with Bad and Skeppy a while back at a cute café and they continued meeting up there. When they found out about his job predicament they offered him a job as an intern at their work place which he immediately agreed to.

He hadn't known it was Hero HQ though.

He was in for one hell of a ride.

Chapter Text

Phil sighs as he gets his foot stomped on by the various people rushing out of the train and bristles when someone punches his back making contact with his bound wings. A spike of pain shoots up throughout his back and his fluffy appendages. Phil whirls around, elbowing the teen in the face causing a loud crack to echo through the air.

People pause what they were doing and stared wide eyed. The teen cries out in pain while his friends look startled and scared behind him. "Next time think before ya hit an old man ya twat! Now fuck off before I punt the lot of ya!"

They quickly scamper away and Phil continues through the station rolling his sore shoulders wincing slightly. He ignores the people who were recording what just went down in favor of taking out his phone and texting Bad that he was off of the train and heading to the HQ.

Muffin Boi

Hey Philza! You almost there?

Dadza                                                                                                        

Yeah almost Bad! I'll be there in a bit, It might take a while tho. city life sucks

Muffin Boi

Okay! Me and skeppy are super excited for you to meet our friends!! :3

Dadza

Yeah can't wait! <D

He turned his phone off and put it back into his bag, jogging off into the crowd of people and skipping up the stairs two at a time. He almost slipped multiple times, but was in to much of a hurry to care all that much.

Crows flew above him cawing and Phil could feel their self restraint as they stopped themselves from landing on his shoulders or head. Philza was proud of his murder's will power.

Dadza's new job!

Undercover Philza!

Dangerous!

Killza Killza Killza

Ooooh! WE GET TO MEET HEROES!!!

can we meet racoonInnit!!??

Oooooh! no CAN WE MEET DREAM!!!

No! Willow! Wanna meet willow!

oi! Just because Crow Father is working there doesn't mean he's going to meet them

Can we meet the blood god!!!

BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!

Blood for the angel of death!!!

Poop

Ewwwwww! Did you just shit on that guy?

Poop

OMG

WTF

EWWWWWWW

One of the crows suddenly got attacked by dozens of other crows and lets out a distressed caw swooping away from the other birds who give quickly chase.

Phil giggles in amusement as he watches fondly from below, wishing he was able to join them. But it was broad daylight and he was heading to his new job as a intern. He didn't have any time to play.

Looking around, there was a slightly larger crowd in the city's main square than there was last time he was there. It was probably nothing but it never hurt to be cautious.

Suddenly screams were heard from afar and Phil looked around with wide eyes as large explosions erupted from his sides. Debris and people flew up into the air disrupting the chase the crows were in, scattering them back into the air. People were crying over bodies and hugging their children close. Phil would have felt bad but they really shouldn't have brought their children into a place where big villains usually came to cause havoc.

They were the idiots, I mean- why would you bring anyone let alone children to a place where the super villains gathered to kill and cause destruction?

Phil hurried along hoping he wouldn't be seen by whatever Villain was there- he just wanted to get to his new job dammit. ITS HIS FIRST DAY FOR CHRISTS SAKE!

Well luck was against him today it seemed as he turned into an alley and ran head-first into a tall, bright green man with gold armor. Also blood he was covered in his own blood with smoke coming out of his mouth and nose.

The man's eyes rolled into the back of his head and he fell forward. Phil caught the villain saving the man from getting a head injury. 

First his wings were molting because he had been too busy trying to get settled in and have money to pay the bills to properly take care of them and were being extra achy and sore because of it, he didn't have any food left in the house that wasn't expired or moldy, He was late for his first train, some kid tries to mug him using violence-first-demand-money-later in a heavy populated place and then a Super Villain passes out on him? Wow today's just his day huh?

"God what is it with my luck today?" He mumbles frowning, Phil takes off his bag and taking out his spare cloak wrapping it around the man and clicking a button hidden underneath his pocket giving his clothes the illusion that they were white. Along with a 'Mask'. It cost quite a hefty sum of money leaving him completely broke but it was so worth it when he was in public and not able to change his clothes. Though it kind of sucked that he didn't have a voice changer and therefore wasn't able to speak- He wanted to make sure he wasn't at all recognizable in his day time persona.

He picks Awesamdude up bridal style; the man wasn't a completely awful person so Phil wasn't going to just let the heroes take him. There weren't enough semi-decent villains out there so why would he let one of them get caught? The man wasn't a killer, he only stole and blew things up....Okay okay so maybe someeeee people die because of the explosions but hey! They weren't the poor people who couldn't afford health care so that was fine really! (Besides it would be hypocritical of him to judge the man because of killing)

Phil shifted the man into one arm when he heard someone approaching. Philza quickly grabs a knife and cuts his binding in a swift movement, almost sighing in relief as his wings were freed from their confinement.

He keeps his wings hidden though until he sees a figure come into the alley.

Dream, the Number Two Hero, was right there.

Oh.My.Fucking.God.

He would fanboy and ask for an autograph but he was in his villain persona so he couldn't. He had to keep his posture and voice calm, cold, and calculated.

He also didn't have his voice changer since he wasn't wearing a proper mask so he had to keep himself from talking. No matter just how much he wanted to babble and chat the other's ear off giving praises and words of encouragement.

Dream paused when he caught sight of the crow father tilting his head to the side. "Oh....Hello and who might you be? You haven't seen Awesamdude around here have you"

"He's in his arms Dream, he's either another Villain or one of Awesamdude's lackeys," another voice pops up from beside Dream, SnapNap! The Number Eight Hero!! Okay Phil mayyyy have studied up on all the heroes he could find- It was just business! NOTHING ELSE! SHUT UP MURDER!!!

"I knew that! I was just waiting to see what he'd say!" Dream snarked back shifting his body weight. Snapnap rolled his eyes, tossing a fire ball from hand to hand.

"Okay hand him over and turn yourself in! It'll make things a lot easier for us!" Snapnap called waving a hand around lazily blowing some hair out of his face.

Philza looked up; the alleyway was small enough that he could jump wall to wall without revealing his wings. Perfect.

"Ughhhhhh come on, I have a date tonight! This cute red head! Nicest hips I've ever seen" Sapnap exclaimed, boredom seemingly taken over as he started blabbering and Dream groaned from beside him.

Phil wanted to walk over and smack the guy but he knew (or at he least hopes) that the man is just young and that's how their generation are- not being sexist or anything. They're just a youngster, not those assholes in the slums.

"Snapnap I really don't care, let's just apprehend this guy okay?" Dream says taking a step closer to Philza who takes a step back.

"Ahh yeah! Come one man! We have better things to do than waste our time with a wanna be."

Phil's wings bristled and his ears pressed against his head without his permission. It hurt more than he thought it would. No one likes getting shit on by their idols- even if they were decades younger than him.

Phil huffed before lounging on the wall opposite to him and propelling himself onto the next one keeping his moment till flung himself onto the roof of the twelve-story building, getting a decent view of the city. Philza heard the yells and surprised squawks of the heroes as he escaped and couldn't help the giddy giggle that bubbled out of his mouth.

He then sprinted across the rooftop and jumped on the next roof a floor shorter- then another a floor higher before jumping onto a wall and sliding down it. He heard some people yelling and chasing after him, close on his tail.

"GET BACK HERE!"

"HAH!!!! YOU GOT DUPED BY A NEWBIE!"

"WE DIDN'T KNOW THAT WAS POSSIBLE!"

"OKAYYYYY SURE~~~"

"OH SHUT UP WILLOW!"

Omgomgomgomgomgomgomg!!! HE WAS GETTING CHASED BY DREAM, SNAPNAP AND WILLOW!!!! BEST DAY EVER!!! Willow was the Number Three Hero!!

He sprinted and made a swift turn jumping on a wall and jumping back off to keep his momentum as he ran. The others behind slowed down as they neared the corner as to not fall before trying to pick up their pace again.

"HOW IS THIS GUY SO FAST??"

"HEY WHATS GOT YOU BITCHES IN SUCH A PISSY FIT?"

Omgomg! RACOONINNIT!!! THE CUTEST MOST FIERCE HERO EVER!!! Number Six Hero!

"Hullo~ What's got you guys so stressed?"

THE BLOOD GOD!!!! THE NUMBER ONE HERO!!!!

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!

He heard the loud caws and squawks from the crows above and sensed even more flying over now, There was practically a whole swarm flying above them now.

Wait a second....Why are five of the biggest heroes ever chasing him?

HOLY SHIT THIS IS AWESOME!!!

"Okay please murder if you can hear me swoop down and start peckin away, if you do I will give you ALL THE BIRD SEED." He mutters quietly.

Right as he thought it birds started swooping down at lightning speeds, pecking and cawing at the heroes, blocking their vision and some even pulled on their clothing, yanking them backwards.

"WHAT THE FUCK!!??"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"

"HEH????!!!"

"WHAT THE HELL???!!!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Phil was able to make a quick escape and took his disguise off when he got far enough away. He took off his button and stuck it to Awesamdude's clothes, taking out his phone and changing the settings somewhat before pushing it and giving the creeper hybrid the illusion of being human. There that would help him extremely.

He takes out his phone quickly texting Bad that he got caught up in the explosions in the town square- nothing serious but he had to go home and wouldn't be able to come in. Bad fretted over him but relaxed and told him that they ended up letting the civilians and employees leave early because of the battle.

Philza sighed in relief a small smile on his face as he heads to another train station planning on heading home and passing out- after dealing with Awesamdude's wounds of course.

Chapter Text

Philza sighs and finishes wrapping bandages around Awesamdude's waist, covering his wounds. He ties it before gently setting him back down. Groaning, he stood up and popped his back then flopped back onto the floor, throwing his head back and closing his eyes groaning again.

He opens his eyes and picks up the Button (Phil wasn't all great with all the tech-no-log-ical words and stuff in general, he's old and like- seriously! We do you even need half the things people use? It's all too difficult to comprehend for his frail mind and body) from off the television before putting it back on his cloak and pushing it, activating the cloaking device. Phil looked at his empty first aid kit and groaned again (again), rubbing his forehead tiredly.

Well alright, even if Awesamdude decided to be hostile, the man wouldn't know what Philza's face looks like if he escaped and tried to get at Phil for some reason. Anddddd of course this happened the day he was supposed to start his new job.

He glances back down at his device thrumming quietly from underneath his cloak, Philza would need to charge it soon unless he wanted it to die when he actually needed it. Awesamdude grimaced, his eyebrow twitching as he tried to sit up from his position on Philza's bed.

"Oi- slow down mate, you have some nasty cuts and shouldn't reopen them." Phil told him forcing the other back down onto the bed as gently as possible.

"Who are you...." Awesamdude asked drowsily, smoke coming out of his nose as he huffed.

"I'm the Crow Father, nice to meet you. And it's alright, no heroes are here, you're perfectly safe here at my apartment. Now go back to sleep." Philza's words seemed to relax the Green Villain, and as soon as his head touched the pillows he was out like a light.

Phil shakes his head smirking before turning his device off and plugging it into those little holes in the wall.... (HEY! HE DIDN'T BOTHER TO LEARN WHAT THEY WERE! SO FUCK OFF!)

He walked over to his dresser and opened one of the drawers, lifting the few shirts he has, and grabs his mask, fitting it snug over his face. Phil drops the clothing back in place and slides it closed.

Philza walks over to the bedroom door and opens it, stepping out and closing it once more and shoves his hands in his pockets sighing deeply. He strolls over to his small kitchen turning the stove top on and grabbing his kettle, filling it with water that he had filtered earlier before placing it on the burner letting it heat up.

Phil then takes a few steps over to the TV that was sitting on the counter, reaching over and turning the knob watching as it switched on, showing the current news.

"Vigilante possibly turned Villain known as The Crow Father was sighted only an hour ago giving assistance to world-renowned Super Villain Awesamdude. He managed to escape five of the most powerful Super Heroes in the world. They are tracking them down as we speak.

"More updates will be given, stay tuned on-" Phil tuned the rest out when the tea pot started whistling, turning to it and turning the stove off. He opened the cupboard right above the stove, and stood up on his tippy toes, reaching the top shelf and grabbing two mugs, taking them down and placing them on what little counter space he had.

Philza then grabbed some green tea bags and placed two in each cup, along with some honey and a few drops of milk, before grabbing the kettle and pouring some in. Phil learned decades ago that he didn't have to waste clean water on dishes when you have none to begin with- and when you put all the extra stuff first it all mixes itself.

He places the kettle back on the burner and grabs the mugs, trotting back over to his bedroom and lightly kicking the door open, walking in and placing the cups on his bedside table. He took a seat beside the bed before grabbing a book and starting to read.

Awesamdude woke up a few minutes later and Phil had handed the man his tea before sipping his own. In the corner of his eyes he saw that the creeper hybrid was much more awake than the last time he awoke and was looking around the room in suspicion.

Philza sighed, finishing his chapter and setting the book down before placing his hands on his lap and looking down at the villain watching him with a calculating gaze.

"Have any questions mate? You're free to ask." Phil tells the man, shrugging his shoulders and leaning back, shifting in his chair to get more comfortable.

"Where am I?" Awesamdude asks, suspicion flaring in his eyes as he tries for eye contact with Philza, or as much as you can when you're both wearing masks. At least Awesamdude has dark green eye holes.

"In my apartment, we're still in the city if that's what you were wondering." Phil answers, nodding to himself as he props his head up with his hand.

"Who are you?" he says, sounding slightly more confident in his words.

"My name is Crow Father" Philza answers nonchalantly, grabbing his mug and taking another sip of his tea.

"WAIT THE CROW FATHER. WHY HAVEN'T YOU TURNED ME INTO THE POLICE!!!????" Awesamdude panics, his eyes turn wide as he tries to get out of the bed.

Looks like the Crow Father's reputation precedes him.

Phil quickly sets his cup down and pushes the Villain back into the bed, earning a few kicks and punches for his efforts.

"OI! STOP THAT! YOU'RE GOING TO REOPEN YOUR WOUNDS!" Awesamdude processes his words and slumps in defeat. Phil sighs in relief before plopping back down onto his chair slurping on his tea draining the rest of it.

"I'm not going to turn you in mate, don't worry," Phil reassures the other as best he can, offering a fatherly smile to the man who only looks at him in suspicion.

"Why.... you're a vigilante, why would you house a well-known Criminal let alone a Super Villain?" He asks genuine confusion lacing his words and Phil can practically see the younger man's brows furrow up in thought.

"Ahhhh, well I don't really know why honestly, I saw you half dead and I suppose my bird instincts took over or some shit, but hey at least now I've got a positive word in for me in the villain community!" Phil says a bright grin spreading across his face.

"Uhh why would you want that? Aren't you trying to get them arrested?" Awesamdude asks, twisting his face in confusion and skepticism.

"Well..... I technically count as a Villain now? I won't attack any of you guys as long as you don't come after me, so don't worry bout that mate!" Awesamdude looked skeptical but nodded never-the-less.

"Alright sure...."

"Okay! Well you need to go to sleep and rest up! When you're well enough, you can go back to where ever you live."

"Wait...you're just going to let me go?"

"Only after you heal mate, now go to sleep."

"What if I stay up....."

"I'll read you a book then till you go to sleep."

"Really?"

"Yup, anything you have in mind. I have the Three Little Pigs, Little Red Riding Hood, Rapunzel, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty."

"Why all children's books?"

"Do not judge my book preferences."

"Oh okay, Could you read the Three Little Pigs?"

"Sure mate!"

Chapter Text

Philza jumps from roof to roof, spreading his wings and jumping off one of the taller buildings, soaring over the city feeling the breeze ruffle his feathers with his long coat flapping behind him like a second set of wings.

Phil thinks back to the past few days- He had fed Awesamdude and nursed the man to health. As it turns out, he also had regenerative abilities thanks to his power of exploding (It would be very unproductive if you died every time you used your hybrid ability) and was fully healed after just three days. They had became surprisingly good friends with their time spent together, Awesamdude even gave him some tips of what low life criminals that Philza should kill that would beneficial to both of them. Phil would kill low life scum and Awesamdude would have less competitors, a win-win situation!

They ended up trading phone numbers and giving one another their real names, deciding to hang out with each other as friends and comrades. Awesamdude said he didn't really have any allies in the Super Villain community and that it would be useful for the both of them to be allies. Philza had happily agreed.

Philza swooped down into an alleyway after hearing a distressed cry from a young man. He drop kicked the homeless man in the head who had the teen pinned to a wall trying to take the boy's shirt off, the person fell to the ground and was knocked out cold, laying there with only the small rise and fall of his chest to indicate that he was still alive.

Not for long though.

The teen thanked stammered thank yous before running home. When the teen was out of sight Phil took out a sword, slicing the man neck.

Philza let out a satisfied sigh as he watched the blood drip from the wound onto the trash-covered concrete before wiping the blade on the criminal's clothes and sheathing it.

He then plunged his fist into the man's forehead taking out his blood- and gore-covered hand, walking over to the wall and drawing the shape of a wing, then wiping his flesh covered hand onto the man's clothes.

It felt so relieving to rid the world of filth such as this.

He just can't wait to do it again.

Philza beat his wings down in the tight space shooting up into the air in a blink of an eye.

KILLZA

KILL

KILL

BLOOD

ANGEL OF DEATH POG

DO IT AGAIN!!!

SERVES THE FUCKER RIGHT!

WE KILL BUT WE DON'T APPROVE OF SEXUAL HARASSMENT AND RAPE!!

YEAH NO CHILD RAPE!

KILL MORE!

BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!

Daddddddd can we stop by a prison?

YAYY!! SLAUGHTER TIME!

Go right, left, take another left and down that alleyway

The Crow Father followed his murder's directions as they chased after him, silently beating their wings and watching everything within a five mile radius from every side of Phil, cautiously being his extra pair of eyes and keeping a look out for any potential targets or heroes.

Phil flew above the alleyway the crow spoke of and spotted what appeared to be a drug dealing. Philza kept quiet as he flew down, landing on the fire escape before quickly tucking in his wings and taking out his talons climbing closer to the two, digging his talons into the side of the building and watching with bird like eyes as the exchange went on.

"Okay man- I really don't have time for this! How about I just give you this and go? Huh! how about that!" One man said waving a bag around before shutting up as a gun was pressed against his forehead.

"How about you give me that and tell me where Jschlatt is?" The man sneered baring his teeth at the cowering man in front of him.

Alright now that was a surprise. Why the hell did this guy think that this drug dealer new where the J-schlatt was? The famous Villain who had leeched his way into the government and almost became president and a dictator?

Well for whatever reason the Crow Father couldn't just let this man die.

Phil took out his own pistol (He stole from a weapons store a while back and was able to get some silencers which quieted the shots from his various guns quite a bit) and aimed it at the man's head waiting to see what would happen next.

"I have no clue what you're talkin about man!" The black haired man said nervously, his golden wings twitching.

"Don't fucking lie to me! You know where he is Quackity!" The dark haired man sneered back, pressing the gun against Quackity's temple with more force.

That name sounded familiar......

"Ahhh but I really don't man!" Quackity stared wide eyed with a too wide smile as his wings quivered in fear.

Philza decided he was bored and the man would most definitely shoot the chicken hybrid if he didn't interfere...... The Crow Father has been looking forward to using his gun....

He pulled the trigger, a muted shot rigging out along with a dull thud a few seconds later. Blood had splashed against the walls and was slowly pooling down at the black haired mans feet.

It is way more efficient to just kill the target instead of giving it the opportunity to harm a civilian, and if the target was innocent....well Phil really doesn't care that much.

"HOLY SHIT!" He exclaimed jumping backwards and away from the dead body laying on the cold, filthy concrete.

"Hello mate! You good?" He asks his voice changer making it sound distorted and angelic. The hybrid looked up and watched as Philza jumped down meeting him on the ground.

His outfit helped him blend into the shadows and Philza knew that the fellow bird hybrid was having trouble seeing him.

EPICZA

EPICCCCCCCC!!!!!!!

THE CROW FATHER!

BOW DOWN TO YOUR GOD!

GODZA!!!!

GODDDDDDDDDDDDD

ANOTHER BIRB!!!

SAVE THE CHICK!

He ain't no chick ya dum fucks

Philza walked forward so Quackity could see him a bit better. He inched away in fear gulping and shivering like a leaf.

"h-h-h-hey man! I'm good! An-and h-how you doin?" His voice quivered and his body was shaking more intensely than before.

"I'm good. Thank you for asking" Quackity was obviously surprised that he responded and forgot about his fear for a second.

"What the fuck man. You were being all badass and then you come into the light and you actually look like a boomer?" Quackity scoffed crossing his arms and smirking. Well at least he wasn't about to piss himself anymore.

"So what if I am a boomer?" Philza asked tilting his head and mimicking the others movements. How the fuck did this guy know he was a boomer? Like how?

"HAHAAHHAHA! You got a gray hair!!!" Quackity cackled gripping his side with one hand and pointing at a very offensive gray hair that Philza just now noticed. He reached a taloned hand up and yanked the few hairs off of his scalp letting the hairs fall to the ground.

"Not anymore" He stated, crossing his arms once more. Quackity gaped and they stared at each other for a few seconds before Quackity was bursting into a fit of giggles. The laughter was contagious and quickly spread to Phil and they both ended up on the ground clutching their stomachs.

"WHY THE FUCK ARE WE LAUGHING!!!???" Philza yelled cackling hysterically, Quackity burst into another fit of giggles, tears streaming down his face.

"I DON'T KNOW MAN!!!! AHHAHAAHHA" He cackled like a hyena and after a few minutes they calmed down and were just chillin on the ground.

"Sooooo~ You the famous Crow Father?" Quackity asked crossing his arms and legs and sitting there casually.

"Yuppppp" Phil says Popping the 'P' as he answered, Quackity nodded seriously and pursed his lips seemingly in thought before his face lit in a grin.

"So you killed that guy right?" Quackity asked slyly tilting his head with a mischievous gleam in in eyes.

"Yes....?" He answered concerned for well being, wondering where exactly this was going.

"And vigilantes don't kill right....." Quackity trailed off grinning mischievously wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"Uhhh....yeah?"

"Well how would a super sexy badass Birdy like yourself think about becoming my bodyguard for when I'm doing illegal villainy things! eaaaaaah!!!!" Quackity wiggled his eyebrows suggestively again looking him up and down before wiggling his eyebrows again (again).

"Uhhhhmmm, What exactly made you think I'd be interested in that sort of thing? And....you're a villain? Wait....Oh fuck your The Quackity???!!!" Philza's eyes widen and he couldn't help the rush of fear that fled into his system.

Quackity was the right hand man of  Jschlatt, Mastermind and the worst Super Villain the Heroes had ever faced. He was a mob boss for Christs sake!!! And Quackity himself had a major underground black market and was a Drug Baron. He had connections with who knows how many people with power and money and could get absolutely anything he wanted. If this man wanted someone dead, they would be completely erased from the history of mankind, like they never existed. 

Philza just wanted a good patrol dammit.

And Phil's murder seemed to have come to the same conclusion.

OH FUCKKKKKKKKKKK

HOLY SHIT

WE'RE FUCKED

HELL YEAH TAKE THE JOB!!!!!

MONEYMONEYMONEYMONEY!!!!

QUACKITY MY MANNNN!!!! WITH ALL THAT MONEY WE CAN GET ALLLLLLLL THE BIRD SEED!!!

BIRB SEED!

BIRB SEED!

BBBBBBIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRBBBBBBBBBB SSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDD!

YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!

Dadza is fucked

Dadza is fucked indeed.

"Yep! The one and only!" Quackity grinned, puffing up his chest and wings in pride before a baffled look crossed his face. "Wait.......Did you save me without knowing who I was?"

Philza nodded dumbly suddenly very afraid of the man.

"HAHAAHH! WELL YOU'RE MINE NOW!" Quackity cackled, tackling Philza with a hug and squeezing him to the point he could barely breathe.

Holy shit this guys strong.

Philza just noticed the muscles showing through the Drug Baron's jumper.

"Soooo~ Wanna earn some cash on the weekends? You'll get a nice amount of money each time you protect me! Andddddd could give me your number good lookin! Me Schlatt have been wanten a threesome lately!" Quackity babbled giggling when he saw Philza's face redden, patting him on the shoulder light heartily.

"Oh relax I was just joking! Although I do want to get your phone number to stay in touch! You saved my and if you ever need a favor you'd be able to reach me! Besides you seem cool and I wanna see if we can become Amigos!"

Philza relaxed somewhat sighing tiredly and reaching up to rub at his eyes, ugh he's going to be so tired at work tomorrow......

OH SHIT HE HAS WORK TOMORROW!!!!

"Okay sure-yeah sure but I really have to go. I'll see you some other time Quackity" Philza stammered hastily getting to his feet, practically throwing the fellow bird hybrid off of himself.

He remembered that he needed to do his symbol before he left, so he threw his fist into the dead man's chest, taking his hand out and using the blood and guts to make a wing shape before turning back to Quackity who was watching only mildly disturbed holding a card.

"So I'll take that as a yes we can hang out and be potential colleagues so here ya go!"Philza grabs the card and slides it into a pocket, nodding to the other. He can faintly hear sirens off in the distance.

Took em long enough he shot that gun like ten minutes ago. It was pretty loud despite the silencer.

Philza grabbed the man be the waist earning a surprised squawk, Phil ignored it beating his wings down and boosting them into the air, earning a terrified and excited shriek.

He flew them high over the city before asking the Villain where he wanted to be dropped off. The chicken then told him where and said he could just let him go since he could just glide down.

Philza obliged letting the other go with a wave before zooming back to his own apartment .

God Phil's not going to have enough time for even a fucking nap.

Chapter Text

Philza flew as fast as he could to his apartment checking the time on his phone again, It said Three Forty-nine. He would need to leave in less than two hours for work. And since he can't get any sleep that will mean he hasn't gotten any sleep what-so-ever in five days, He may have to get a few coffee's for himself later.

He bursts into his nest (His bird instincts just scream that his flat was a nest for some reason) He left the door open and let dozens of crow's follow him inside a particularity large crow that Philza had named twitch flew in last and cawed at some of the others and together they pushed the door closed before flying off into the small living room perching wherever.

Phil hopped over to the bathroom chucking pieces of clothing around haphazardly when he was only in his boxers he closed the bathroom door as far as it could go before taking the last piece of clothing off and jumping into the shower-tub turning the nob that causes a blast of cold water spray over Phil.

He tucked his wings away from the water trying to keep them as dry as possible. it never did work well.

When he cleaned his hair and got all the dirt and blood off he jumped out turning the shower off and quickly drying himself with a towel, He then jogs out of the bathroom inspecting the clothing that his flock had picked out for him, Twitch tilted their head innocently as Phil gave them a disappointed look.

"dadza look good in shirt" It squawked, Philza never knew just how that worked but he supposes that is has something to do with the fact that he's a one hundred and thirty seven year old Crow Hybrid, and since he's the oldest Bird around the crow's around him latch on and he naturally understood them over time.

That's the best theory he has.

Dadza!

Get dressed old man

We got work to do!

Work work work!

Work=Money-=Bird seed!

Here you go dadza! <3

One of the crows landed beside him with a bag of Pellet dog food, Phil takes it from her beak and sets it on top of his messy dresser before slipping the Dark green Kimono and then pulling on some Darker green knee long shorts and slipping on his sandals.

Phil jogs over to where he had discarded his Dark grey coat before deciding against it and throwing it into a basket for cleaning later. It was covered in blood and soot from earlier. So he quickly binds his wings and grabs the spare white waist coat that he had for emergencies like this.

Philza sighed before picking up the pellet of dog food and opening it, Twitch flew over carrying his bag in its beak and landing on his shoulder. He takes the bag and slings it over his opposite shoulder and running his fingers through their feathers earning a happy caw as it nuzzled into his hand.

He then took some of the dry dog food and held it out, Dozens of the various birds littered around the Flat zoomed over gobbling up as much as possible and the dog food was gone in seconds. Phil gave a tired yet happy smile as he grabbed some popping some into his mouth as well, He tended to never eat this sort of thing in front of people but well, He's part crow and crow's love practically anything.

A Crow flew up and landed on his head sitting down comfortably starting to sleep, Philza gently grabbed the bird and plopped it onto the bed earning an annoyed caw.

Phil checked the time and started making his way to the front door, He opened it up standing to the side and letting his flock fly out into the sky and he fought the urge to join them.

Phil ran down the stares and passed by the various people on the streets, it was still dark out and barely anyone who was awake at that time. He checked his phone, It was at Seventy percent and the time was Six o-one. 

He hopped down the stairs into the train station and got in the train right as the doors closed, Phil sighed in relief and saw a group of girls and boys look at him with wide eyes and nervous giggles.

Phil tried to ignore them and sat down on a seat near the exit, just in case.

Philza caught a glimpse of a one of the girls phones and saw a video of him socking the teen from yesterday playing, With his bird eyes he was able to see that it had- Okay holy shit why? Just why did it have Thirty million views? what the fuck is with people now a days?

Well that explains why they were so nervous, Hopefully the company won't see that. If they even care anyway.

Just then he noticed that Twitch was perched beside him on his arm rest and was watching everyone on the bus with a critical eye.

"Twitch what are you doing here?" He asked even though he knew that it wouldn't understand that language. They understood cawing and chirping, not the guttural noises humans make. They seemed to know what he meant though and cawed. "Must protect, You chick" 

A few people looked startled and swirled their head in their direction but Phil ignored them and the video that the teens had started to record. Phil snorted, refraining from chirping back and just he reached over and let Twitch sink its talons into his arm and perch there. He got into a more comfortable position taking out a news paper to help the time go bye faster.

----------------------------

Philza got off the train almost two hours later with Twitch perched on top of his bucket hat, That they had oh so kindly givin to him since he forgot it at home.

He ignored the people staring at his Feathered friend and made his way to the coffee shop that he was told to get the coffee's from.

Phil opened the door and it let a little jingle ring through the air as he walked over to the counter with....There were Four cup carriers all filled with coffee's there had to be like sixteen coffee's there.

He went forward to the counter and showed his employee badge and gave the cashier a Company credit card then when the young lady was finished he took the card back before taking out a two dollar bill when Twitch was staring hungrily at the Bagels that were sitting in a closed space.

He grabbed the Coffee holders and Twitch sat happily atop his shoulder with their bagel sitting in their mouth.

He kicked the door open before starting his trek to the Company building swerving through crowds and surprisingly not dropping a single thing on his person, he even kicked a guy in the nuts that tried to steal from an elderly woman who had thanked him profusely and started beating the poor fucker up with her cane.

He finally made it to the front doors, now that coffee place may have let him keep the bird but he didn't want to risk his job just yet so Phil told Twitch to stay outside which she refused and kept trying to get in the building, He ended up tricking her by taking the last of her bagel earning a enraged squawk and it was quickly distracted when he said he time how long it took for them to get it and threw it as far as he could with almost zero hand space. Which was at least half a mile.

As They zoomed after it he hurried inside and into the main office giving the receptionist a kind smile as he walked by earning a small wave then she returned to her work typing away.

Phil speed walked to the elevator tapping the top arrow button waiting for it to come down. When it opened it revealed two figures bickering.

"OH COME ON BEE! WE'D GET AWAY WITH IT!" The one wearing a neon red outfit with white stripes running up and down his sides, He had a bright red mask that made it impossible to make eye contact with the young man. But the most noticeable thing was his Bright red wings with a rainbow of colors shining at the tips of his feathers..... Philza hasn't met anyone else with wings in decades.....He thought he was one of the very last ones along with a few elderly people. looks like he was wrong.

The noticeably shorter of the two wore the same outfit except it was neon green instead of red, He also had wings but they resembled that of a bee's had long antenna's atop his head.

"WE CAN'T STEAL NUKES RACOONINNIT! THAT'S ILLEGAL!!!!" Bee yelled back throwing his hands in the air before noticing me and quickly stepping to the side letting Philza in.

"Oh hello! I'm Bee this is RaccoonInnit! Are you new here? I've seen everyone in the building at least thrice and i haven't seen you once!" The young Bee man probably grinned from underneath his mask, almost as if he was desperate to change the topic and started rambling and completely forgot about whatever they were last talking about. 

"Uhh, yeah! I'm Philza nice to meet you Bee." Phil replied playing around and shifting the weight of the coffee carriers to one hand to offer a hand to shake, The young man was polite and shook it before letting go and letting Philza use it to hold the cup carriers once more.

"Your old" RacoonBoy stated crossing his arms and tilting his head down slightly to look Phil in the eyes and Philza to squint but he could make out a pair of bright blue eyes glaring down at him judgmentally.

Philza burst out laughing as Bee opened his mouth to scold the taller. "My God, you act like a child!" He snickered against when RaccoonInnits face scrunched up in anger.

"I'M NOT A CHILD!" He said defensively stomping his foot onto the ground, like a child.

"Right-right sorry mate!" With the large smile on his face it was very hard to believe him.

"BEE! HE'S BULLYING ME!" Raccoonboy wined clinging to Bee like a small child being told no when they really wanted a toy.

"I'm sorry about him Philza sir, He's just like that" Bee says before bonking Raccooninnit on the head ruffly, The young man who is attacked screeches before screaming out profanities and curses.

"What floor are you going to?" Bee asks pointing at the large amount of button on the elevator wall.

"Oh, Uhm i think One Hundred and forty?" Phil says remembering the floor he was assigned to work at.

Bee brights up again giving what Phil can assume was a grin that stretched across the young mans face.

"Thats where we work!" Bee exclaimed bouncing up and down before pushing the button making the elevator move upwards.

Oh shit.

How did Philza not recognize them?? He's in a building that hero's work at and he didn't even think about the possibility that some of the Hero's would actually be there? AND HE JUST SPOKE TO TWO! AND HE'S IN A TIGHT ENCLOSED SPACE WITH ONE OF THE TOP HERO'S. PHILZA IS THE CROW FATHER FOR CHRISTS SAK! HE'S HALF BIRD HE HATES TIGHT SPACES AND OMG HE'S SO FUCKED-

And right when Phil was about to have a panic attack the elevator opened and He was greeted by a large open space with a large open ceiling- or it could be glass, He can't see glass which is quite a problem sometimes.

He then walked over to a table that said to put the coffee's there so he did, He put little pieces of cardboard that had names on them on the cups of the people they belonged to.

Philza then stood there awkwardly not really sure on what to do till a familiar voice came from beside him "Phil! Good morning! How are you? Yesterday was really messy hope you were okay" Bad said giving him a tight hug before setting him back down, Phil looked up at bad who was at least less then five feet taller than him.. How he got in the elevators? Phil has no god damn clue.

"Hello mate! Yeah i'm fine How are you?" Phil asks back tilting his head all the way back to keep eye contact. Bad's smile brightened at his action and he nodded.

"I'm feeling good! How did you sleep last night? You look tired!" Bad then exclaimed furrowing his eyebrows which would probably scare anyone else shitless, but Philza isn't just anyone, bad is a very nice demon. Besides Philza''s met Satan he's way scarier and wayyyyy more ugly.

Bad is more of an angel compared to most actual angel hybrids out there.

"Ahh, i wasn't able to sleep last night" Phil lied easily shrugging in a 'ehh what can you dd' fashion.

"Oh well try to get some more sleep to okay?" Bad patted Philza's shoulder, and Phil didn't as much as flinch under the weight or at the way the demon hybrids hand completely engulfed his entire right side.

"Kay bad! Now do you perhaps know where I'm supposed to go?" Phil asked tilting his head slightly to the side and raising an eyebrow.

"Oh yeah! Your going to be RaccoonInnit and Bee's Manager now! You looked like you were good with teens and stuff so i thought that you could manage them better than anyone else who has tried could!" Bad grinned brightly before the smile turned sheepish and his ears twitched down. "Oh sorry, probably should have asked first.....Sorry"

"Oh its fine bad! I actually met those two earlier in the elevator!" Phil reassured patting Bad's hand that was still engulfing half his body.

Bad gave him another grin before reluctantly letting go.

Bad pointed to a door that read 'Bee and Raccoons office, Bitches ain't allowed!' the demon sighed tiredly before giving a small toothed smile and skipping over to Skeppy's desk.

Phil noticed that people had been staring at their interaction with side amazed eyes and Philza just rolled his eyes and walked over to the door knocking on it a few times.

"COME IN!" Raccooninnit yelled loudly from the other side, Philza obliged opening the door before walking in and closing it. He immediately took state of the room, There was garbage everywhere and where there wasn't garbage there were piles of unsigned documents and a number of other things.

"Oh phil! Big P!" RaccoonInnit yelled throwing his hands up and waving him closer to his dark red desk. Bee was across from Racconinnit and was actually typing into his computer, supposedly doing his work.

"What brings you here?" Bee asks raising his eyes from his monitors and looking Phil in the eyes.

"Oh well, turns out i'm your manager now, soooo yeah! What do managers do exactly?" Phil says and gets less confident by the time he's done speaking.

"I have no fucking clue" Bee shrugs before continuing to do whatever it is he's doing.

"Come here Big Man! Let me tell you how to be a manager!" Philza rolled his eyes not expecting bunch of what ever the young man -possibly a teenager from what Bad said- and sat down in the chair in front of the desk.

Surprisingly Raccooninnit did indeed know a few things about managing employee's and what not, Of course that didn't mean the teen didn't stray from the topic and talk about random things. Phil found it endearing though so he let Tommy prattle on while Phil did some paper work that he had been handed to by Bee.

Not bad for his first day.

Aside from Twitch making faces and cawing profanities at him from outside the window that only Philza heard thanks to his psychic link he has\d with Crows.

Chapter Text

Phil chased after the group of thief's before deciding he was bored and just started sniping them from the sky, One head shot.....Two head shots.....Three....Four......Five! The crow father cheered silently as he flew back down grabbing the bags of money and handing them to the crows that were following closely behind him, They flew back to his apartment where he had left a window open for them to leave the money inside.

Tonight was a good night or well bad for others but good for him! Philza was able to Take out three thugs, A drug deal, and a bank robbery! Of course he let the robbers do their thing and when they were far enough he killed them and took their loot, Ehhhh half of it's going to charity and the others going to equipment so whatever its going to a good cause.

He slipped into the shadows and up onto a roof just in time because Dream, Snapnap and Georgenotfound just got there!

"WHAT THE HELL!" Snapnap exclaimed throwing his hands in the air when he caught sight of the bodies littering the alleyway.

"Wow, so now what?" Georgenotfound asked looking to dream who was standing there with a glowing green bow in hand.

"We track down the one who killed them and stole the money obviously" Dream said before turning his gaze up and seemingly looking at the flock of crows that were flying high above them, Snapnap and Georgenotfound followed his gaze.

"That doesn't look normal..... I'm pretty sure that crows aren't usually in big city's like this....." Snapnap says crossing his arms previous anger forgotten with confusion in its place.

"Doesn't that look familiar....." Dream asked earning raised eyebrows from both Georgenotfound and Snapnap.

"Like that guy from before...? Remember those crow's that were swarming us?" Dream asked in an annoyed tone.

And oh fuck of course the window he was sitting in front of just had to have a light turn on from the inside now fully exposing him to the group of hero's in front of him......

"WE HAVE A VISUAL OF THE CROW FATHER! SEND REINFORCEMENTS AND ANY OTHER HERO'S THAT ARE AVAILABLE TO DISTRICT TEN WE'RE ON THE ROOF TOPS." Dream yelled into what Phil can only assume was a mic, Wow they new his name!!! AND THEY THOUGHT HE WAS THAT BIG OF A THREAT!!!!! PHILZA IS SO FANBOYING RIGHT NOW! Also fuck no that aint very good.....

But Hero's=Fanboying!!!!!

They sat there for a few seconds before Phil took out his talons and scrambled up the wall opposite of him followed closely behind by The dream team- Bad wasn't there other wise it would be called the four muffin tears- AND HOLY SHIT BAD'S HERE.

The demon suddenly appeared jumping up and onto the same roof that Philza was currently on, and holy shit bad looked badass!

GO CROWZA!

CROW FATHER RUN!!!

THEY'LL PLUCK YOU!

KILLZA

KILL THEM!

BAD!!!!! <3

The Four muffin tears!!!

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Phil couldn't help the giddy laugh that bubbled out of his mouth coming out distorted and wobbly thanks to his voice changer.

Phil flew up into the air twisting away from Bad's hands and Georges vines, He dodged another of dreams arrows earning some surprised squawks from the hero's, Dream asked for Hero's with wings ability's.

Oh no, Phil needs to leave....now.

Phil Flew as fast as he could zooming away and making sharp turns but he was too late and there was Willow- Golden Eagle hybrid hot on his tail- God if Philza didn't have as much experience and muscles he would be so fucked right now Eagles are fast as fuck.

He swooped down then quickly flew up the side of a tall skyscraper but Willow was gaining speed quickly, Various crow's that were watching suddenly swooped down and started attacking The Eagle.

PROTECT DADZA!

KILL KILL KILL

KILL THE EAGLE

KILL KILL KILL

PROTEC PROTEC

PREDATOR!!!!

PROTECT THE CHICK

PROTECT THE DADZA

PREDATOR! PROTECT THE FLOCK!

DADZA DADZA DADZA

KILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILL

PROTECT THE CROW FATHER FROM THE PREDATOR

Philza was grateful for the distraction as Willow squawked before being forced to fly away and the Crows were still chasing pecking and cawing at him.

Willow hissed and chirped probably trying to get the flock away from him, But all he did was egg them on and even more Crows came out of nowhere and started swarming the man who was now Flying away as fast as possible yelling frantically into his mic and kept glancing around in fear.

"HELP ME HE HAS A WHOLE GOD DAMN SWARM OF CROWS!!!! HOW HAVE WE NOT SEEN THESE BEFORE!!!?? CROWS DON'T EVEN LIVE IN CITYS-" Willow cuts himself off with a scream as a Crow caws in his face opening its beak wide.

Phil uses that as an opportunity and quickly makes his escape diving into an alleyway and tucking his wings out of sight throwing off his mask and various other things stuffing it all into his back pack that was hidden underneath his cloak before pulling out his white waist coat and stripped bucket hat yanking it all on and throwing the back pack over his shoulder before jogging out of the pitch black alleyway and into the light of a street lamp.

He speed walks and when he looks up he see's Willow and-

The Blade.

OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYDGODOHMYGOD-

Philza's chat disruptively stops zooming around and stares at The hero, As if the two hero's can sense the eyes of at least a hundred crows they look up and stop their conversation.

After a few seconds Phil snaps out of his shock and continues speed walking making crunching noises on the road to alert the hero's of his position- it would be more suspicious if he was there and they didn't know.

RaccoonInnit swooped down and landed beside the two hero's and looked down at Philza, He grinned waving at him and yelled something along the lines of "HEY BIG P!" Before turning back to the other tow and continuing their conversation.

Philza hurried back to his apartment his murder following within a ten mile radios of him being extra careful this time.

As soon as he opens the front door Twitch is in his face screeching at the top of their lungs launching them self into Philza's face.

Chapter Text

Philza had went to work and nothing really happened while he was there- other than chasing after tommy and tubbo after he found out that they had raided the Armory and had a grenade launcher and torpedo launcher. He doesn't know just why that was in the armory but Phil wasn't going to ask questions.

But anyway Philza was now standing outside a Walmart and being chick-sitted by Twitch who was sitting on his shoulder watching Phil and their surroundings crucially. A few crows were also flying near by and some kept crashing into glass and the Bird hybrid was careful to avoid where they hit into a wall that was invisible to Philza's crow like eyes.

He stared at the doors critically, It was all a see through wall for him.....But he knew that more than half was glass- He just needed to find the Door......He hesitantly poked at the invisible wall and felt cold smooth glass, He looked around noticing a few people staring but he ignored them in favor of trying to actually find the front door, Twitch squawked unhelpfully pecking at his hair before turned their head to glare at people passing by them.

"Excuse me? Do you need help?" A man asked, Phil turned his head to see a tall man in high heels with a light floofy dress on with a Bisexual colored cloak and Black out sunglasses on.

"Oh yes! I can't find the doors" Philza answers grinning sheepishly at the other who give a confused look in return.

"Uhm....Their right there" The man points to a section of the wall and Phil trails over uneasily moving his hand toward it and finding the handle, he grins and turns back around to the nice man.

"Why thank you! I'm Philza, I'm sorry if i bothered you in some way. I can't really see glass...." The others eyebrows rise in realization and they give a nervous smile.

"Your welcome! but I uhh I kinda thought you were some weirdo or something so sorry about that! I'm Eret, I use They/Them pronouns, Nice to meet you Philza" Eret says shaking the hand that Phil then offered.

"Its perfectly fine!" Philza reassured before stepping aside as Eret stepped forward and opened the door for him, Phil thanked them stepping inside and walking over to the carts on the side of the wall and grabbing one. Eret does the same and they walk side by side chatting about something random, Eret gives Phil his phone number asking if they could hang out sometime then moved on to the opposite side of the store than Phil was headed.

Twitch poked their head out from where they had hidden in his bag giving a quiet caw "Pretty Them!" Phil laughed lightly, discretely scratching Twitches head before continuing through the large building.

Philza decided that getting food was top priority so he went over into one of the many sections, He grabbed two jugs of milk, Three cartons of eggs, Five loafs of bread, and countless other things. Phil checked his wallet and saw he had enough for some warmer clothing, So he went to the clothing sections and spotted- 

Holy shit. Phil wanted that.

There in the Merch section was plastic golden crowns, Pig masks, Plastic Skeleton masks, And more importantly- There was expensive pure velvet Red mantles.

It would keep him warm....Sure it was expensive and he wouldn't be able to pay rent or pay for the electricity and heating bills but......It would be so worth it.

Making up his mind he examined them all before finding one in perfect condition that was a perfect fit for him.

Since these were for really hardcore cosplayers and fans he won't be able to wear it to work or in the day time without drawing attention to himself soooooo Might as well use it for his Villain Persona!

Philza grinned carefully placing the well crafted cape on the side of the cart away from where he put most of his food, and thinking last second he decided fuck it and grabbed a LGBTQ+ long sleeved shirt that had the pansexual flag on it.

He then hurried past civilians making his way to the check out just in time before a swarm of people could start getting into the lines. The bird Hybrid walked over to the person waiting for Phil to start placing things down for them to scan.

He took things from his cart and put them down on the conveyor belt, When the person was done and put all of his stuff into bags Phil handed over the mantle earning a raised eyebrow a they scanned it before taking the tag off of it.

Phil offered them a sharp smile making the cashier work faster, He paid the bill- Three hundred dollars, Which is the most that Phil has paid for anything in months.

Phil grabbed his bags putting them into the cart and walking out, He then parked it taking the seven bags out and finding semi-comfortable positions before starting the ten mile track back to his apartment.

He's done this hundreds of times before with longer walks and more bags with heavier things, this was absolutely nothing compared to that and he was able to carry it all easily without as much as a small muscle strain.

He accidentally bumped into someone that was stepping out of a martins knocking them taller man down onto their but- thankfully they only had two bags and it was all fine.

"OH NO! I'm so sorry! Let me help you up-" Phil exclaimed letting his bags drop to the side as he yanked the other up and grabbed their things quickly placing them all into the mans bag before standing back up and handing it to them.

"heh?" They asked blinking their eyes confusedly before looking down at Phil who was a few inches shorter. "Uh...thanks?" The man said unsurely before their eyes land on the bags that Phil had dropped in his panic.

"You dropped your stuff" The Pinkette said pointing towards Philza's things, Phil just offers of sheepish smile before yanking his stuff off of the ground and turning back to the pig hybrid.

"Your welcome, I'm really sorry mate, I really wasn't paying any attention to where i was going." Phil explained nervously, Now that he was actually paying attention. The Man in front of him had bright pink hair that was in a tight braid that reached his ankles, He was a pig hybrid and they were naturally Big and burly so the man in front of him was above Six feet tall and had a shit ton a muscle mass all over, His clothes fit comfortably over his chest and hips showing a nice amount of his plump and well built body.

He was pretty hot. Like Ten out of Ten attractiveness level. But the guy is probably not even interested in men like Phil if he even is into men at all.

He ignored that train of thought and sized him up in case the Pig Hybrid decided that he would try and fight Philza, Which probably wouldn't happen since the other hasn't even made a move to pummel him yet. (No he wasn't checking him out! Shut up Chat!) Not that he could Philza literally has a black belt in Karate and Kendo. Speaking of which he really needs to get a sword soon.

"Ahh no its fine, Uhm thanks for helping me up i guess" The pinkette says awkwardly shifting his gaze away glancing up every now and then.

"No Problem! I have to go I'll See you around sometime!" Phil grins charmingly waving a little and slipping out a card that has his phone number on it on reflex handing it to the other who took it cautiously.

--------------

Philza obviously doesn't notice the soft blush from the pinkette as they watch the Charming man leave before glancing down at the card with a sort of shy determination.

Twitch Watches from where they were perched on top of a street lamp in interest,

Chapter Text

Philza slips on his Dark waist coat and adjusted his mask before opening the window that looked out into an alleyway and crawling out of his bedroom, flinging himself onto the wall and using his talons to skitter up it.

The Crow Father peaked his head up to be greeted with his largest and most badass of his flock which was about Fifty, They wore white and black doll sized fedora's on their head (They had raided all toy stores across the city and got as many as they possibly could before this whole thing went down) Twitch and two others that were meant to be his body guards had the smallest guns they could find on the black market.

Phil stood to his full height clearing his throat before making a rattle sound getting all of their attention. He cawed and chirped tucking his hands behind his back and walking into the middle of the crowd.

"We are here to day to remember our fallen comrades who were taken by a neighboring territory that have recently declared us Rivals." Philza announced by cawing and chopping noises with a stoic expression on his face.

Many Crows cawed in agreement. Before expressing their remorse of their fallen members cawing out the names of those who had been taken from them during a surprise attack.

Lovemimo!

HallsOfDarkness! T-T

Ravenswoodlol!!!!!

AbleInsomnia! :c

VoiLily???!!!!

InfinityWarsDestroyedMe!!!! NOOOOOOO!!!!!

Dramaquincey! T-T 

problamatic_anon!!!!! NUUUUUU!!!!!!!!! ToT

Laysserre !!!! NOOOOOO WHY DID THEY HAVE TO KILL THEM!!!!???

The Birds around him cried out the names of the ones who were taken and no longer had a body to fly around with(the little fuckers were still in his head though, they were currently having the time of their lives giving Philza pure mental agony), flapping their wings and bowing their heads mournfully. 

Phil nodded as well bowing his own head and titling his wings back in respect. After a few seconds he straightens up along with the Birds surrounding him.

"They have declared war on us, And if they want war. We shall give it to them!" Philza Kraa's loudly and angrily, a terrifying and threatening look falls across his face quickly after. He looks around quietly, the Crows watching him silently waiting to see what he'd do next.

"WE SHALL GIVE THEM A WAR!" Phil caws, his voice echoing throughout the slums and their enemies would surely hear the clear threat.

Phil beat his wings flying up into the air and is followed by the crows who caw and Kraa after him circling him in a deadly circle formation. Hundreds of crow's see and follow suit.

KILL ANY RAVENS YOU SEE! SAVE THEIR LEADER FOR ME!" Phil screeches before diving and swooping back up into the air, Hundreds of Crows fly into the city swooping and swarming everywhere. They stayed quiet enough to not draw attention from hero's but loudly enough for their Enemy to know.

In the center of the City they are met with hundreds of Ravens sitting on window sills and lamp posts waiting silently for them.

Philza lands on a street lamp with his crows stopping on various buildings, He was perched across from the Ravens Alpha Bird who was the oldest of them all, the generals were all also wearing gangster fedora's and some had tiny guns as well, Just how they got them Philza had no idea.

He glanced around trying to keep his anger in check as he sized the opposing side up, they had One hundred at most, so it was even. Ravens were more dangerous and were bigger than crows so their sheer number of Crows would be able to take them down. Not to mention that with Philza's size he could easily take out a large number of Ravens.

The opposing sides leader hopped forward looking around before her eyes landed on Philza who was towering over his flock with a protective ferocity.

Philza decided that he would be the first to speak.

"You have slain our brethren. What do you have to say on behalf of your flock?"

The Raven titled her head before straightening her back and turning her head to one side pointedly looking at her Flock, and turning to the other where more of her flock awaited her orders.

"We want this city as out territory, and that can't happen with you lot here, We gave you a warning to leave. You did not, Now suffer out wrath!"

She swooped up into the air followed by her herd that were right behind her, Philza swooped up as well unsheathing his sword and cross bow readying it. The others leader let out a loud harsh grating noise that seemingly echoing throughout the empty market.

Their forces clashed with loud caws and shrill sounds, Pained chirps and agonizing Kraa's loud and painful sounding before getting cut off. Phil heard a few of the miniature guns go off with more pained caws and Kraa's flowing through the air.

He watched Twitch dive down and use her talons to scratch out a Ravens eye's before slicing their throat and flying off to do the same to another. He watched a few of his crow's get torn open, blood gushing everywhere as their feathers flew down to the ground and died shortly after.

Philza turned his gaze to the leader who was watching from afar, observing the blood shed and screams ringing through the air. Their gazes locked for a split second before they both zoomed up into the air attacking one another- beaks against teeth, Talons on talons- Wings pushing against wings- Philza was able to block a talons with his arm before it sunk into his left eye.

The ravens leader kraa'ed out for back up while he was yanking his bloody arm away from her. So now it was ten against one. Every time A crow tried to come over and help they were shot down falling into the dark abyss that was the city's dirty concrete floors.

Philza's hand twitched around the swords handle before he boosted himself forward slicing through two ravens before kicking one that had been charging him and letting them fly into a wall where twitched before no longer moving in any way whatsoever. He spun around shooting a bolt through a ravens eye before reloading and doing the same to another that was about to swoop down for him.

Blood spurted out of their mutilated eyes, Brain and feathers littering the roof tops and walls. It was a grotesque and brutal.

He wasn't able to move fats enough before a raven was tearing into his stomach, He quickly pushed it off before crushing its head with his boot and hugging his stomach letting his cross bow fall to the abyss below before readying his sword and striking forward as two more ravens flew closer effectively killing them.

There was now only the leader left on his rooftop, He straightened his wings and back to appear taller. He towered over the cowering Bird before giving it a murderous look and weaving his weapon through the air and straight through its neck, Her head flew as the lower body dropped.

Philza turned to face the remaining forces that were still fighting before opening his mouth and cawing loudly for their attention when they were all focused on him he lifted the head of the Ravens leader in triumph.

"WE HAVE WON THE WAR! NOW GET OUT OF OUR CITY!" Phil roars his thunderous caw echoing throughout the city even over the deafening roar of the cars and traffic below.

The Ravens retreated and The remaining members of Philza's Crow's cawed and chanted, celebrating their victory with glee before going off to collect the bodies of their comrades,They found a few still alive and the showed Phil who then flew over and picked them up when they found the remaining survivors they flew away, and by the time that the hero's came upon the scene their flock was already long gone.

Chapter Text

He sits at the head of the table waiting for the youngest members of the legion to arrive, they were late as usual. (This is why they extended their meetings by an hour a few months back) The four muffin tears and Skeppy were hanging out on one end of the table playing uno together yelling every now and then in frustration. From what he could see Bad was winning with skeppy close in second because they were working together, which was fair since the other three had teamed up in the beginning which had been rotten.

Captain, LadyRose and Wilbur were on the other side, The lady's were watching Willow play his guitar offering simple chit chat with one another. Foxy was watching from afar shifting uncomfortably, something unreadable swirling in his eyes that The older man just couldn't quite place his finger on.

The Hero then turned his attention back to the files sitting in front of him in disdain, groaning he shuffled them a little bit to straighten the pile. the doors burst open with Raccooninnit and Bee tumbling inside in a hurry, Raccooninnit scrambled up into a standing position and grinned sheepishly.

"Hello big T! We got carried away with something!!" He faltered a bit at the end earning a raised eyebrow and some confused looks at the others worry. Everyone knew that if something worried the bold brave teen that it had to be serious.

"What happened" Technoblade demanded narrowing his eyes at the blonde who shrunk back from under his gaze, which only further proved that something was wrong.

"Uhhh.....Maybe you should just watch" Bee answered lifting a hard drive from out of one of his pockets before jogging over tt the computer beside Technoblade and plugging it in, Raccooninnit turned off the lights and sat down.

Bee frowned before taking a deep breath and clicking play. Everyone turned their attention to the large hologram centered in the middle of the table watching show the outline of the city roof tops, with not the best angle with it being takin from a teens window from what Technoblade could make out anyway. But technblade ignored that and focused on what the camera was actually pointed at.

There were hundreds of Ravens sitting on window sills, lamps,Roofs, Pipes, electrical lines....al sorts of things just sitting there seemingly waiting for something....which was impossible because Birds didn't have that level  of intelligence.....right....?

BIRDSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Wtf

BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD

BIRD BLOOD!!!!

DADDDDD I WANT A PET BIRD FOR CHRISTMAS!

E

e

E

E

E

e

E

E

What is happening?

FINALLY!!! SOMETHING INTERESTING!!!!!

>:D

Technoblade leaned closer, The other occupants in the room doing similar motions as they watched everything in fast motion before it suddenly became normal time. This time- crow's flew over landing on the opposite side of the ravens, with even more numbers.... some were wearing little fedora's and some had.....guns???!!! what.

Then something unexpected happened.

The Crow father landed in front of the ravens in a defensive position.

A few confused noises and whispers flew across the room as they watched them stare each other down before The winged man opened his mouth -presumably to speak- and cawed. the man made a series of caws and Kraa's chirping loudly and baring his sharp fangs.

"WHAT THE HELL????!!!!"

"DID HE JUST TALK TO THE BIRDS OR SOMETHING???"

OH MY GOD, WHAT???!!!"

A series of confused and alarmed voices called out into the meeting room only to be shushed by techno who barked loudly to get them to shut up.

Right in time to because a large Raven further up then the others straightened up and opened their beak kraaing loudly making multiple loud and ear splitting sounds before swooping up so fast Techno could barely see the movement, It was followed by the other Ravens their path blocked out the stars from where you tried to look at the sky in the direction that the birds flew in.

The crow father zoomed up into the air with the crows right after, The birds clashed together with pained squawks and loud gun shots ringing through the area.

Suddenly The crow father and the raven from before clashed together peaking and clawing at one another, The raven swooped away a ferocious swipe that the man had made and dug into his arm, he let out a pained chirp and yanked his arm away, The raven let out a warning Kraa and suddenly more ravens were surrounding the man. He took out a sword seemingly from no where and started slashing at the birds kicking and crushing them, he even shot some from a cross bow that Techno still had no clue came from, soon they were all dead. 

Blood, feathers and mutilated body parts littered the area around The man who then turned to the Raven from before.

He straightened himself pushing his wings back, The crow father appeared even bigger and menacing then before towering over the bird before he sneered in rage and sliced the birds head clean off. A few shocked gaps and gagging noises were heard but Techno paid them no mind.

He picked up the head and turned to the still fighting birds cawing loudly attracting their attention, He lifted the head of the bird and chirped multiple times loudly before screeching out loud caws in triumph.

The remaining Ravens fluttered around getting chased by crows in mockery, some actually getting wings torn off or their throats torn out as they cawed and chirped in victory.

The crow father picked up some of the crows body's before flying away, Raccooninnit and Bee arrived shortly after before the feed cut out and the hologram paused.

"so.... Any Information on what happened? Did either of you understand what he said? What any of the....birds  said?" Dream asked Bee and Raccooninnit then turning to willow.

"No.....we have nothing." Bee said shaking his head.

"I don't understand bird talk dream, I can barely understand Eagles and only know a few words let alone whole sentence's of raven and Crow speak. I don't even know how to talk bird!" Wilbur answered huffing angrily and narrowing his eyes at the hologram accusingly.

Technoblade sighed looking over to Raccooninnit who looked back sheepishly. "I only know some parrot but thats it, even a big man like me an't know everything with no one to show me"

"Huh...Maybe this 'crow father' guy knows more than Crow and raven? Maybe if we capture him he can teach you guys?" Technoblade stared at Snapnap with a blank expression.

"what! He obviously knows crow and ravens talk! and their are literally zero books on their languages! Not to mention that Bird hybrids are almost extinct and the ones out there weren't taught anything about their culture!! This guys could show you shit you've never seen!" Snapnap exclaimed throwing his hands up and grinning ignoring the language thrown his way by bad.

Snapnap.....Actually had a point..... Willow and Raccooninnit have been so obsessed with learning their native languages for years now, and now they actually have a chance.... But no that isn't the main issue that they need to address right now.

"As wonderful as that is, this man has killed countless people, stolen high amounts of money and has broken tons of laws in the few months he's been here. We still haven't found what district he lives in, We think it may be in District Ten to One, We still aren't sure just which one it is but we're searching as much as possible. Not to mention he saved Awesamdude, One of the worst super villains we've ever dealt with! TH crow father is dangerous and most likely had friends in high places, especially since he saved awesamdude.... What makes you think he would willingly teach Willow and Raccooninnit?" Dream explains, Technoblade was thankful for the others intervention. Techno did not want any social interaction at that moment. He might blurt out something inappropriate or that would embarrass himself. His mind was still on that charming stranger that he had bumped into earlier.... and nope! we're focusing back on the matter at hand!

"Oh yeah..... " Snapnap says shrugging his shoulders and slumping over in his seat.

"Wasn't he a vigilante? why'd he turn into a villain?" Raccooninnit asked tilting his head and frowning- That was actually a good question. Why did the vigilante turn into a super villain? He still donated to charity's and stuff......Why would he switch when he was doing perfectly fine before hand?

Hero turned bad!

illegal  hero's rule!

I'm crow fathers number one fan!!! >:3

YAAAAAY!!! CROW FATHER!!

"well, either he got bored, Didn't like the job, or he just wanted to be evil. I don't know" Georgenotfound replies with a bored tone as he mumbles sleepily obviously not very concerned with what was happening.

"Does anyone even have an idea on what this....Massacre was about?" Skeppy asks unsurely, everyone shook their heads.

"So what was this meeting originally going to be about?" Bad asked titling his head to the side curiously. His blank white eyes seemingly burned a hole into Technoblade's skull and he repressed a shiver, but he succeeded in holding it back in respect to the Gentle Demon.

"it was actually about The crow Father, there isn't ,much that we have. But now we have more to add to his files" Techno answers curtly shuffling through The crow fathers folder before sighing and gesturing for them all that they can leave, which they do so quickly some sprinting out while others lagged behind talking with someone.

Technoblade walked out of the meeting room with Foxy behind him.

Chapter Text

Philza wraps himself in some clean bandages and applying more antibiotic-ointment onto his arm and wrapping that in some gauze too. When he was done addressing his wounds he put the materials back into his first aid kit closing it and hiding it underneath his bed before standing up and slipping on a shirt. Phil peaks at his wings before sighing.

They were injured during the fight and he wouldn't be able to fly for a few days without a possibility of reopening some tears, but other than a few cuts his wings were fine. He really shouldn't bind them though.

But he's Philza Fucking Minecraft he really doesn't care about his body's well being.

So he wraps his wings up semi-loosely so its more of a bandage instead of full on biding it, He throws on his fluffy silky Technoblade merch cape, thankful he bought it since it was so Floofy it easily covered up the large bumps that showed on his back since he didn't bind it.

He grins spinning around watching the flowy cape billow out around him in a gorgeous way, so worth not being to pay for his electricity and heating bills for two months.

You go Philza!

Dadza lookin gooooooddddddd! 

YEEEEEEEE BOIIIIIIII!

Can we rob a museum and steal a crown?

YEEEEEEEE! DO SOME TECHNOBLADE COSPLAY!!!!!!!

COSPLAY TECHNOBLADEEEE!!!!!!!

YEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

DADZA!!!!!

Philza chuckled at his ghost members antic's before grabbing his stripped bucket hat and placing it atop his head before wondering into the kitchen and grabbing a bag of bird seed, thankfully he had enough money to buy him bird seed for the next few weeks before he needed to steal. Oh yeah did Phil mention that he also didn't have enough money for actual food now? yeah turns out Rent is more important than having things to consume for bodily function now.

He grabbed a single handful shoving it in his mouth before jogging out of his apartment and out into the city streets. He got a few weird looks at his cape and a few shitty comments on his LGBTQ+ shirt which he kindly kicked the fuckers in the stomach.

Phil loved this shirt, it was adorable with the pride flag colored wings on a bird on the center of his chest.

He looked down at his phone turning it back on as twitch flew down and landed on his out stretched arm, Philza scrolls and clicks on the message symbol and pushes his finger onto quackity's name and checks the name of the Bar again before putting it away and walking down the street to the address and pushed the door open.

First thing Philza noticed was the loud music, Then the strippers and people deep throating one another, he chose to ignore that and skirts his eyes around.

He spots Quackity in a booth with four other people but he could only see the top of their heads from where he was, He walks over to where the man was dancing on the table raising an eye brow at the fellow winged hybrid.

"Hello Big Q" Philza smiles as he says their cod words that they had texted each other to say when Phil spotted the Drug Baron.

The young man spins around with a bright grin on his face, His eyes scan Philza's body before slipping his face into a smug expression.

"See told you guys! This is my new body guard for when i'm doing illegal shit!" Quackity exclaimed shoving Philza into the booth and sitting beside him, Phil looked up and was pretty damn surprised by what he saw, Awesamdude was there along with the guy he met yesterday, The Mafia boss Jschlat was there along with the most renowned and feared time traveler called the In-Between. And now that he thought about it..... The guy from yesterday looks really fucking similar to the king of a distant land who was exiled and became a villain here in the Essempee. Holy shit.

"Phil?" Awesamdude questioned tilting his head before realization came across his features and he started glaring daggers at Quackity who watched their exchange curiously and a tad cautiously with the level of protectiveness that the Creeper hybrid was radiating.

"Quackity!? Your going to taint Philza's innocence!" Awesamdude exclaimed fear and worry coating his voice as he then sneered at Quackity threateningly, He then yanked Quackitys arm away from Phil's shoulder and drags Phil closer to him in a protective way.

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaah!" Quackity yelled waving his arms around confusedly before speaking Spanish steamrolling it as fast as possible. 

"You two know each other?" The In-between asked them completely ignoring Quackity's antic's and glancing at Awesamdude to Philza multiple times in confusion.

Awesamdude straightened up glancing over to Philza before turning to the various villains sitting at the table.

"Oh yeah, Phil is actually the Crow Father, We are currently allies and I had actually wanted to talk with you guys on if he could join the league of Villains?" The creeper hybrid explained quietly watching people dance and yell drinking their alcohol.

Jshlat chokes on his wine staring at the tall figure as if he grew a second head, In-between stared wide eye's blinking a few times in shock. The man from yesterday had his jaw dropped with raised eyebrows, and Quackity was grinning ear to ear.

"Ooooh! Sure i'd be down with Crow Daddy joining!" The young man exclaimed throwing his arms in the air and whooping loudly over the blasting music, Phil spluttered at the inappropriate nick name and flushed a tad hoping no one would notice.

"oh! I recognize you! Your that guy who couldn't see the glass at that Walmart! I'm Eret nice to meet you properly, I use They/Them pronouns and You seem like you'd be a promising addition to the group." Eret said offering a hand that Philza accepted easily shaking it, Eret tilted their head down to his shirt giving a small hum of approval.

"I'm Jschlat, Use He/Him pronouns, Nice to meet you handsome you got my vote" Jschlat grinned sipping on his wine again and slouched down into a more relaxed position probably now that he knows that phi isn't a threat offering him a hand to shake, which Phil did.

"Awesamdude, Real names Sam. I also use He/Him pronouns" Awesamdude nodded when he was done and picked up his beer and slid a straw through his mask that was similar to that of a gas mask. It was probably to keep his smoke and gun powder fumes in so he doesn't suffocate anyone.

"I'm The in-Between but since it seems your in the team you can call me Karl, I use He/Him" Karl smiles giving Philza his hand and they shook their hands before letting go.

"I'm Quackity as you probably already know~ I use He/Him pronouns" Quackity announced unhelpfully waving a hand around exasperatedly beaming down at Philza from where he was still standing on the table.

"Well, I'm Philza Minecraft. I use He/Him pronouns it's nice to meet you all. I honestly wasn't expecting this Quackity" Phil raised an eyebrow at his fellow winged hybrid who smiled innocently.

"Hey if your the crow father than where's your wings?" Jschlat asked raising his own eyebrow and staring at Phil in suspicion.

"I bound it, There aren't exactly many winged hybrids with Crow wings around here. It would be incredibly suspicious if I had my wings out in the open for all to see. And i don't know about you but i don't wan't to get watched by the police and potentially arrested, It's a pain getting out of jail." Phil groans at the end in aggravation speaking from experience. 

"fair point. Alright now what were you talking abut earlier about Phil working for you?" Eret asks Quackity who just sat down beside Phil again and was chugging a beer.

"Oh yeah! He saved me from this dick trying to shoot me for information! I gave him my number and he agreed to become my body guard, not all the time just when i'm doing dangerous shit." The golden winged Hybrid explained before finishing off his beer and called a waiter over to get a refill.

"oh?" Jschlat asked tilting his head on Philza's direction raising an eyebrow (They seemed to be doing that a lot.) curiously.

"Oh yeah, It was nothing really" Phil answered shrugging and was handed a beer from Quackity and took a cautious sip from it.

He heard his villain name from somewhere and turned his head to look at the giant TV that their booth had.... Wait did these guys have VIP?

"A Bird massacre happened last night at around One AM in the roof tops of district Ten by Super villain, The Crow Father, Witness's say that The man was in some sort of Bird gang war of the sort, We have a video clip to show you." A women in a bright red dress spoke looking like to much of a hooker for Philza's liking announced before a box appeared with the crow father standing farther away from where ever it was being recorded. It showed him talking to the ravens and then the fight that had taken place that night. It shows the part where his arm was dug into by the Ravens leader and he winces at the memory.

It then shows him being a complete badass and tearing Ravens apart easily before cutting off the leader head and showing it to his flock, The cawed and chirped in victory before flying off carrying their wounded.

"There was the video feed, Hero's are currently investigating just what exactly happened. It seems that this new Villain is getting bigger. We recommend being careful on the streets and keeping you pets inside for the time being." Philza snorts at the lady's words sipping on his beer and rolling his eyes.

"Holy shit dude! What the hell happened there!?" Quackity asked excitedly bouncing in his seat even the other villains looked curious and were listening attentively.

Philza saw no harm in it so he started explaining "Oh, Their gang didn't like us being on their territory since they seemingly just noticed us being there. So they attacked a scouting party and killed a few of my flock. We then fought- My clan obviously won as you can see, I killed their leader." Philza explained giving them the short version.

Awesamdude raised his eyebrows before furrowing them and glanced around the table before turning his gaze back to Philza. "Why though? Why there?"

Phil shrugged sipping his beer before opening his mouth "That's where they wanted the battle so thats where we went"

"How do you know that, that was what they wanted?" Karl asked curiously from where he was seated.

""I can speak bird" Philza answered rolling his eyes and drinking the rest of his alcohol.

"Wait how?" Quackity asked bringing his face close to Philza's in excitement.

"Uhh.....I'm a bird hybrid?" Phil said uncertainly as he got stairs from everyone around the table.

"Dude no one can speak bird now a days!!!" Quackity exclaims throwing his arms into the arm and bouncing his head against the table.

"It's a forgotten language, there are almost zero books any where and the one's that are still here have little to no information or are based on only a single bird species." Eret states crossing their arms and leaning back into the booth.

"Ahhhh, well I don't really know how then" Philza lies easily, shrugging and grabbing a refill that Quackity had called for.

"Did you learn it from you parents?" Jschlat raised an eyebrow leaning forward.

"Never met them" 

"Oh sorry"

"Its fine. Now come on lets relax!" 

"Hell yeah! Lez go Crow Daddy!"

"watch wher ya put your hands ya twat or i'll break your knee caps."

Chapter Text

Philza opened his eyes before immediately shutting them, hissing in pain he shuffled his face into the covers. But he hears a caw beside his head- Twitch- and a beak peck at his hair trying to get him up and moving. Phil groans before relenting throwing off the covers and slowly sitting up.

Twitch caws once more "Get up! you have thirty minutes to get ready for work!" Twitches words make him wide awake and he zooms out of bed and over to his dresser and speed runs getting dressed and binding his wings. 

Meanwhile in the background Crows are cooing and singing the dream speed run song while watching Phil panic and sprint across the apartment quickly washing his hair in the bathroom sink- Grabbing a hand full of Bird seed and chugging a bottle of water.

Twitch and another bird slipping his coat over his arms while a third crow force feeds him a rat- and Oh my god Who knew these disgusting and filthy creatures could taste so could?

Phil thinks about it as he crunches on the bones hearing it  squeal for the last time with a particularly loud CRUNCH filling the air.

OH GOD!!!

I think ima be sick-

DID YOU ENJOY THAT??

wtf

I'ma faint

CROWZA??? HOW COULD YOU!!??

WHY OBSIDIATHEDRAGON ??? WHYYYY!!!!!

WHY???

YOU MONSTER!!!

Thank god it wasn't a mouse.

The crow then proceeds to fly out of a mouse whole with two baby mice into its talons.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

YOU MONSTER!!!!!!!

*Sobs*

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DON'T YOU DARE PHILZA!!!! YOU HEAR ME YOUNG MAN!

Phil experimentally opens his mouth and allows the crow to drop the squealing pests into his mouth and he closes his mouth before chomping down hard.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

*screams*

*Sobs hysterically*

NUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!! HOW COULD YOU????!!!!

He starts chewing grabbing his bucket hat and checking the clock- He had ten more minutes before he had to leave god he rushed.

"It tastes good" He says before chewing once more, the satisfying crunches loud in the other wise silent room.

"Your a monster" Twitch shakes their head disappointingly.

AT LEAST TWITCH IS SANE!

THANK GOD!

TEACH YOU CHICK SOME MANORS!

Then they proceed to race forward before Obsidiathedragon could drop the mouse into Philza's mouth and killed the mouse eating themself.

"Hypocrite." Philza mutters.

WHAT!!!!!

WHAT! WHUT! WHATTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!???????

NO WONDER HE HAS NO MANORS!!!!!!!!

HE GETS IT FROM YOUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!

Alright who wants to sue twitch for custody? If so see 'I'.

I

I

I

I

I

I

I

I

I

I

I

I

I

I

I

I

I

I

I

I

I

I

I

I

I

I

I

I

I

I

I

I

I

I

I

I

I

I

I

"okay i get it jeeze. But you really can't adopt me your all dead" Philza rolls his eyes and ignores the ghosts disagreement only grabbing a small bag of bird seed and running out the door with twitch perched atop his shoulder.

He dashes across the streets and into the subway station boarding onto the train and waiting for it to take off.

When it does he spots sight of the gang of kids form a few days ago staring at him weirdly but before he can ask a taller one- most likely the ring leader- walks over from the group before standing face to face with him.

"Hello?" He greets giving a sweet parental smile, it seemed to have worked because the guy gave a look of confusion before switching his posture from tense to timid.

"ahh sorry dude- uh sir,sir. We thought you were this other guy who beat the shit- uh crap out of one of my friends." The Teen explains waving his hand nonchalantly.

"Ahh its alright mate! Have a nice day at school" He grins waving the teen off, The teen smiles back before trotting back over to his friend group with a pep in his step.

Philza is good when it comes to kids- like an open book, he can tell that the teen he just spoke to didn't have a good home life and most likely didn't get any good attention from his parents and that was why he let Phil be after he was nice to the young man.

Sad but {Phil can't just adopt all the sad and miserable children in the world (He tried helping some but look at how that turned out)

He stops that train of thought there focusing on his silent conversation with Twitch.

Phil gets tired of all the stares he was getting from the kids and glanced down at just what they were looking at only to see his Red mantle.... His technoblade merch....

Fucking crows.... he should've paid attention to what they were giving him.

He rolls his eyes seeing no real harm in it, So what if he ws a full grown ass man wearing a red cape with fluff at the top? He's a fanboy and He's proud thank you very much.And he says so to the teens giving him stares and they excitedly ask if they can record what he just said and post it on tiktok and when he asked why they said-"Our parents say we're to old for merch and childish things so a 'old' man like himself would prove them wrong."

He had agreed obviously more than happy to help them, Phil checked his phone and realized that two hours had already gone by- and just like that the doors open and he's rushing out along with dozens of other people.

Phil sighs before rushing over to the coffee place and walking inside.

"Nice cape Phil" Eli says grinning as they glance down at his clothing stiffing a giggle, Phil rolled his eye's before standing to the side and waiting for his order to be done so he can hurry to the Hero Head Quarters.

He then feels his phone vibrate in his pocket and see's that he got a text from someone- Awesamdude.

Awe-sam-dude

Hey, We're doing a outing later tonight. Wanted to know if you could come?

Philza quickly texted back grinning ear to aer.

Dadza

Of course! What are we doing?

Awe-sam-dude

We're going shopping! and to the bank*

Awesamdude put the little symbol that ment that they would indeed be going to those places, But shopping- but definitely not paying for it.

Dadza

Cool! What time?

Awe-sam-dude

8 o-clock

Dadza

Kay! :D

Awe-sam-dude

See ya! :)

Philza grinned before hearing his name being called out and rushing over and grabbing the loads of coffee. "Thanks Eli! see you tomorrow!"

They wave him off as he jogs out of the place before sprinting across the street over to the large building and kicking the doors open waving to the secretary and going into the elevator and pushing the button and waiting for it to start going up.

Why so many ands?

idk

Im borrrrrreeeeeeeedddddddddd

Is this really what you did when we were still alive?

Can we fly!

FLY!!!!

WINGS!!!

Wow your wings must be really uncomfortable man.

Oof

His wings were indeed very uncomfortable since he wasn't able to release them yesterday- god just how long was he at that bar?

Speaking of which his headache was slightly better then when he first woke up, which- thank fuck for that. The elevator door then opened up but on floor one-hundred and thirty-two instead of his.

He was barely able to keep his excited chirp in as the Blood God and Willow came in, He tired to keep his cool as they walked in and stood beside him.

"What floor you going to?" Willow asked- Phil, He asked phil!

"Oh- One-hundred and forty, you?" He asks in a relaxed and easy-going tone seemingly untensing the other who had looked very stressed before hand.

"Oh same! Are you new?" He asks politely a charming and very fake-looking smile fits across the taller's face.

"Yep! Started just this week!" Philza grins earning a more genuine smile in return, Willow then looks down and beams before tapping technoblade on the arm.

"Techno! look! He has your merch! who new that your audience consisted of old people!" Willow exclaimed playfully obviously having no ill intent when he insulted Phil just then.

Technoblade seemingly looked over- He was wearing his prized Skull mask. Intimidating and super cool for all those who see it. well except for Philza, he's seen wayyyy worse. It really just looked cool in his opinion.

"oh uhhh cool?" The Pig hybrid says unsurely, Willow just throws his arm around the shorter grinning happily.

"well looks like this is the stop see ya later old man!" Willow laughs waving his hand and dragging Technoblade behind him, Phil isn't sure if he was seeing things but he swore he saw Technoblades long floppy ears turn a shade of pink when he noticed Phil wearing his merch.

Philza chose to ignore it and gave everyone their coffee before jogging over into raccooninnit and Bee's office.

Chapter Text

Philza beams as he dives into a group of unsuspecting officers scattering the papers they were looking at and earning alarmed yells as they took out their guns and started firing.

He cackles hysterically giving a manic grin before taking out a sniper rifle from a secret compartment in his cloak and shot a officer in the face- He had done some research before hand and found that some of the police force was corrupted, Killing innocent civilians and easily getting bribed and letting terrorists run free.

Now yeah He was indeed a villain but the civilians need People to take care of them other than Hero's and vigilantes you know?

Philza's eye's flickered around and he spotted Quackity piggy back riding on Schlat's back who was using his ram legs to run up the building and dodging bullets that were raining down upon them. Phil took out a tranquilizer gun and shot the police officers effectively knocking them all out.

Awesamdude meets them carrying some duffel bags that he drops on the roof top and crouches down opening it. Eret floats over before landing and peering down into the bag before grinning.

"Ooooh sweet!" Karl exclaims jumping down from Phil's shoulders and jogging over to the creeper hybrid who was pulling out a fuckin rocket launcher......

"Gimme that...." Philza swipes it running a taloned finger across the shiny material and his eyes sparkled when the light reflected against it.

"Crow father come one! I wanted to try it out!!!" Quackity wined making grabby hands but Philza cawed and napped at his hands holding the deadly weapon close to his chest, cradling it like a small child.

"well that's mildly concerning" Eret raised an eyebrow and crossed their arms with slight fear in their expression before turning back to the slightly shorter figure beside them.

"don't give him the ammo sam" after those words were spoken Philza's head snapped toward them with wide eye's his pupils completely blown out, Dozens of crows did the same staring at them expectantly.

"SHIT-shit shit shit! WHY DID YOU MENTION IT!!!??" Jschlat yelled yanking at his hair in fear and frustration.

The five of them backed into a corner and were followed by the birds/bird man till they were completely surrounded. More crow's had came over hearing the commotion taking place.

"Just give it over sammy" Philza asks ever so sweetly giving a parental smile reaching a hand out expectantly.

"Don't give in!!!" Karl exclaims waving his hands around but was ignored as Sam stared into the older's eyes, Phil could see the guilt and shame pooling into his eye's and watched as the taller reached out and gave him the bag full of ammunition.

"Good boy!" Philza grinned proudly he saw sam puff his chest up ear's perking up and tail thumping before stilling with wide eyes.

"H-How did you do that??!!" He asks fear and worry evident in his voice as his ears real back and tail curls around his leg.

Philza simply grins loading the rocket launcher with a craze grin split on his face. "A father has his ways~ now i'm go cause a distraction! You all go and rob da bank! See ya in a bit mates!" 

Phil jumps into the air cracking the concrete he was standing underneath with the force of it- but he was excited! He had BIG SHINY!!! oh-oop bird instincts man.

Shiny!!!!!!!

USE THE GUN!

BOOM BOOM BITCH

KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL

YASSSSSSS BIRBSSSSSSSSSSS

BOOM BITCH BOOM

SHINY

SHNIYYYYYYSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

SHINY GUN!

SHINY BOOM BOOM!

"Yes shiny make big boom" Philza chirps much to his teammates confusion, but they ignore it and continue on with the plan.

"Alright- well it seems that Phil took the role of distraction so- karl you teleport into the bank and start packing things into bags, I will go into the lobby and throw some sleeping gas, when everything's clear Eret you go in and blow hole's into the safe so we can get the money out safely. Quackity and Jschlat you two will be outside on watch to alert us if any hero's come by. Got it?" Sam explains going over the plan once more with only a few changes- Everyone announced their agreement before going to their tasks.

Philza had actually planned on robbing this back a while ago, But it's the most secure back in the world- so he hadn't really been able to try it out just yet.... But hey! Together the six of them are unstoppable!

Phil grins before beating his wings and starting to simply glide in the air staying in place, He positioned the weapon toward's a Hero's outpost getting ready to pull the trigger.

"what are you doing?" A voice asked from beside him, he turned to be met with RaccoonInnt glaring at him.

"Uhhh nothing mate! just taking a lovely fly round the block ya'know?" He gives a sheepish grin to the young man who in return gives an unimpressed look before sighing and rolling his eyes.

"Alright hand it over old man" Philza scowls at the youngers words not appreciating the anger and hatred coming out of the mans mouth when he's usually so nice.

"Oh fuck off you little shit" Philza groans slapping Raccooninnt with his wings earning a unholy screech as the taller plummeted down to the ground. 

He didn't have much time so he positioned it once more before clicking the button and sending a rocket to the building, A loud deafening boom rang throughout the city as his fellow villains took their cue to get ready.

He cackled loudly before swooping down and quickly reloading aiming it at a fancy looking store that was closed firing at it and watching as it burst into flames with another loud boom.

"WHAT THE HELL!!!??" Raccooninnt yelled dive booming him but Philza easily dodged swooping behind a wall as The younger man shot a beam of red energy at him.

Phil pouted before taking out a machine gun (don't ask where he puts these things not even the crow's know) and starts shooting, The red hooded man screeches calling for back up probably as fire rained down upon him. Philza then quickly reloaded the rocket launcher again while Raccooninnit was ducking for cover and aimed it at a jewelry store before pausing and instead choosing to shoot the road in front of it so the explosion could break the glass without hurting anything inside.

"STOP IT!" Raccooninnt yells waving his hands around before screeching again as Bullets rained down upon him once more. Philza quickly dashed into the building glancing around to find something pretty and shiny he could keep- He fund two pure golden ear rings with bright green emeralds in them along with a few gold necklaces and diamond rings and bracelets. His murder was going to have a field day with this.

Philza heard some glass crunch under neath the weight of someones feet as they stepped inside the broken window

"is this what your after? Then why the heck would you shoot everything else first! Did you want us   to come after you??" A voice said from behind him, Philza turns his head to see a young man with fluffy fox like ears and tail- or well he had the body of a fox but was standing on two legs and the size of a human. He was wearing a white shirt with a black leather jacket that had stripes on the sides, He was also wearing Black leather pants with white shoes, A dark grey cap sat atop his head in between his long ears with the same stripes as the coat on the front.

"Ello mate! I have absolutely no clue what your talking about" Philza exclaims grinning as he continue's to shoves more loot in his bag to the point where it was practically overflowing and he could barely zip it shut.

When he succeeded he found Willow, Foxy and the blood god waiting there just watching as he struggled to finally close the damn thing.

"ohhhh hello! How are you lot on this lovely evening!" He chirps peacefully his wings fluttering slightly from behind him as he flickered his eye's around for the best escape routes. The blood god seemed to notice and took a step forward hand on the hilt of his sword as he approached.

Philza saw some movement at one of the window's and caught a glimpse of lady rose and her deadly vines slowly covering it, Looking across to the other window that he was thinking about and saw Captain looking through and internally cursed himself.

The only way out was to fight.

"Wow! Didn't know so many of you hero's would be here for lil ole me!" Philza grins leaning back lazily, He spoke into the mic planted inside of his voice changer letting the others know of his predicament.

"You even blocked all the exits! Why are you lads even here? I'm not that big just yet~"  Crow father rolled on the balls of his feet casually listing off things for his team and to hopefully distract the hero's and give him some time to think of something.

"Surrender or face the consequences Crow Father" Willow states stepping forward so he was right beside The blood god.

"uhhh i don't really want to?" He questioned shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly a crow flew in from a small crack in a window landing on his shoulder and chirping into his ear.

"What are you going to do dadza? LMAO YOU GOT CUAGHT HAHAHAAHAHA" The crow started laughing and Philza couldn't help but caw back to the bird telling it to fuck off before pushing the bird off, It gave an insulted squawk before flying over and landing on Willows shoulder the man gave a startled chirp.

"You traitor! Get back here you lil shit!" Philza exclaimed waving his arms around trying to get the crow back onto his side, but the bird just turned its head away acting all posh as it nibbled at their feathers.

"I have bird seed~" He says waving the bag the crow perks up its head looking a tad more interested but not going for it. Philza groaned before taking out some dried dog food.

"I also have dog food" 

The crow immediately flew back over greedily shoving its beak in and gobbling up as much as possible.

Philza reaches a hand in and can't help but shove a hand full into his mouth, he hears a gagging noise and looks up seeing The blood god grimace seeing Georgenotfound gag in the corner that phil had been to occupied to notice.

Philza crunches loudly before slowly reaching another hand into the bag and pulling out some more of the dry dog food. He hears a disturbed protest before shoving more into his mouth earning a ear splitting screech of terror as he continues crunching at the snack.

"Liked that did you?" He asks smirking as he finishes chewing, Georgenotfound quickly shakes his head in fear before gripping onto snapnap like a life line. Even the half demon looked disturbed.

Philza then open's up his bag where he had pulled the other two bags from that he called his 'snack bag' and pulled out a baby mouse, still moving mind you.

Foxy lets out a noise of horror when it comes into sight his eye's seemingly pleading for what he released to not be true.

"Please...." Foxy pleads taking a cautious step forward as if he can actually save the mouse from its fate. Looks of dawning horror spread across the faces in the room as the realization of what he's about to do falls upon them.

"crow father..... Have mercy..." Badboyhalo whispers his clawed hands covering his mouth as he watches in fear as Philza slowly raises the mouse closer to his face....

Even the blood god looked disturbed and was shifting uncomfortably.

He then stares right into the eye holes in dreams mask while tilting his head back and opening his mouth, Bad and Georgenotfound make noises of horror at the sight.

The crow father looks right into where he believes Dreams eyes to be before dropping the mouse into his mouth, starting to chew with his mouth open.

Snapnap screams clutching onto Bad like a life line while the other cries into the smaller s hair., Willow pales considerably and passes out, He hears captain and LadyRose scream before fainting. Georgenotfound curls into a ball and cry's loudly. The blood god's knee's wobble and he looks like he's about to collapse. Foxy is staring at nothing frozen like a statue.

The noises coming from the poor mouse in Philza's mouth are sure to be traumatizing for many, except Philza because Philza has had to do this for his entire life and is completely numb to the process. Of course he could have killed the mouse first but he wanted to scare the shit out the others in the room.

The mouses pained screams rang through the air with loud crunches being heard as its bones snapped every time Phil brought his teeth down. Blood gushed out of his mouth in long steams and a few bones flew out and landed on the ground. 

The screams finally stopped and he closed his mouth to swallow, lips his lips and cleaning the inside of his mouth with his tongue.

He put his hand back into his bag an earned alarmed squeals from the others but he simply pulled out a bottle of water gulping some of the liquid down.

Philza grinned looking around- he spotted multiple ways to get out with the lot of them distracted- so he Sprinted out of a window flapping his wings and swooping up into the air not giving the hero's enough time to react.

"I'm out! You guys get everything?" Philza asks grinning as he scanned his surroundings.

""yep! We're in the car now- What happened? You suddenly cut out! did something happen??!" Karl exclaimed worriedly.

"Oh, uhh I got surrounded by like ten hero's in a jewelry store! I'm fine though, managed to distract them long enough to get out" He grins proudly diving down into an alleyway when he hears a loud beat of wings from afar.

"Oh Fuck! You alright!?" Quackity asks actually sounding worried for once.

"Oh yeah i'm fine heading back to the bar now! I'll see you guys there"

"okay thank god! See ye there Crow daddy!" 

"quackity i'll break your fuckin knee's when i get there."

Chapter Text

Philza sigh's tiredly still exhausted from last night's activity's before looking down at his phone and checking messages. His eye's widen a bit and a large grin stretches across his features as he see's what was sent.

UNKNOWN

Uhm, Hi? Its me that guy you bumped into- or Well i guess i bumped into you? and uhm you gave me your hone number. uh would you like maybe like to hang out some time? like whenever your free? it's okay if you don't want to though.

Philza cackled before quickly typing something in return he glanced to when the message was sent and saw that it was sent less than an hour ago. He clicked send when he was done.

Philza

Oh sure mate! was wondering if you were ever going to send a text to hang out! I'm free in just a few minutes where would you like to go?

Philza got a reply only a few seconds later.

UNKOWN

The park down at Kimiko Street? There are lots of birds and wildlife that hang out there and makes the city sound more natural and alive. Or-uh in my opinion anyway.

Phil grinned liking this man on a personal level already.

Philza

Oh! Sure i've been to that street before but Ive never been able to go to the park! I'll meet  you there in an hour maybe more!

Philza changed the mans name with a little giggle.

Pretty Pink haired man

Oke

Philza beamed before glancing around and seeing Raccooninnit drooling on his desk with soft snores filling the air along with the typing of Bee's keyboard as they frantically typed away doing whatever they were doing.

"I'll be off mate! mate sure Raccooninnit wakes up soon so he can actually sleep tonight" He told the young man who nodded saying "kay, have a good afternoon" before returning to whatever he was doing.

Philza smiled before turning and strolling out the door and out into the main office where hero's were starting to leave and some just starting to pack up, Bad skips happily over to him with a big adorable grin on his face as his long fluffy tipped tail wagged behind him.

"Hey bad! How was your day? Anything new happening?" Philza asks with an easy smile on his face as he tilting his body to look up at his friend more easily.

Bad sigh's before giving a sheepish smile of his own his seemingly pupiless and missing cornea glance around before landing and staying on Phil. "well, we got a new super villain running around called the crow father- He's very dangerous and the league just doesn't know how to deal with it...."

The smile slips off Bad's face for a moment and he frowns before opening his mouth once more "We don't really know who his targets are but He blew up one of our outposts and well- He could go after our Head quarters, Everyone in here including the secretary's- literally everyone has a power here Philza, I...I worry he'll hit this building with you inside and you won't have anyway to defend yourself...."

Bad's voice trails off into a whisper his pointed ears dipped down with his tail wrapped around his thigh. "Oh mate.. I'll be perfectly fine don't you worry your pretty little head. I'm a tough old fart and you know that lad."

A small giggle and laugh slips from the demons mouth before he catches it and plays it off as a small cough, but Phil just lets his grin show. Philza takes a step forward and wraps his arms around Bad who tenses but quickly melts into the embrace wrapping his own long arms around the shorter.

"Thank's phil" Bad say's genuinely giving a small smile that lights up his entire face that a beacon.

"no problem mate! now i got to go, I've got a friend who's waiting for me" Philza Beam's slipping out of the hug with a small wine coming from bad before he quickly catches himself and a bright white flush spreads across his black features.

Philza cackles jumping up and taking advantage of the fact that the demon had bent down to give a proper hug and ruffled his hair earning a startled rumble that sounding similar to that of a cats purr.

"see yeah monday mate!" Philza laughs before logging over to the elevator just in time before it closed.

Willow clicked on the first floor and they waited in silence with willow throwing a few glances his way, before They landed on the right floor and Phil could get out and hurry to the meeting spot.

He walks outside before going down the street and hurriedly sprinting down the streets before he spots the Park that was ten miles away from his workplace- Thank god he could run fast for long periods of time- and checked his phone. He was one minute late, He sigh's in annoyance before sprinting into the park and seeing a head of pink sitting on a blanket underneath a tree.

"Sorry i'm a tad late mate! Got distracted in the office." Philza calls out earning the others attention, they snapped their head up giving a bright grin and their tail thwapped adorably on the ground as they put their book away.

"Its alright- I'm used to people being an entire hour late- oh you were only late by a minute?" Surprise clear in his voice as he checked his watch, But he just smiles sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck and standing up.

The other didn't have his hair in any braid or anything that day and had just let it fall gracefully down his back almost reaching his ankles when standing completely straight, Philza grinned reaching an hand out to shake, the other reaches their own out shaking it with an iron grip.

"How was your day?" Philza asks joining the other down on the blanket ignoring the protest his back gave him as his wings were pressed skin tight against the binder practically screaming to be free'd as immeasurable bouts of pain shot up his back.

He grimaced biting in a scream that clawed at his throat, when the pain left he got a concerned look from the pinkette.

Philza just laughed it off waving a hand. "Ah its nothing mate! I was just hunched over all day at work and it's killing my back"

The pig hybrid sighed in relief and then took out a basket and placing it in between them "uhm, i- uh brought this in case you were hungry" 

Philza lights up happily grinning up at the pretty man's face that light's up with a dark pink."Holy fuck! That's so nice of you! Thanks mate!" 

The other nods shyly waving off his thanks before opening the basket and showing the contents inside- and holy fuck.....

There were multiple types of bread inside, like five different types of meat and three different cheese's and ten sauces along with a shit ton of sliced tomatoes, cucumbers and lettuce.

Its safe to say that this is the most variety That's philza's had in his entire life.....

Its safe to say that phil would die, live and kill for this man.

The other takes the food out and sets two plates out for them along with some Pepsi's and coca cola's, Phil eagerly takes a plate waiting for the other to make how ever much he wants before getting his own.

They both sit there waiting for the other to get what they want before making eye contact and bursting out into laughter they finally calm down after a few minutes.

"okay- okay you get yours first mate!" Philza grins in between pants and before the other protest he makes up the excuse that he had brought the food so he should pick what he wants first.

The pinkette sigh's grumbling under his breath as he picks out all that he wants and opening a bottle of coca cola sipping from it.

Philza grabs two piece's of each bread and stacks his sandwiches with as much as he can and when he looks up he see's the other staring at him with wide eye's.

Phil grins before shoving one of his monstrosity's straight into his mouth fitting the hole thing in in one go, The other chokes on his drink cackling loudly clutching at his stomach as Phil chews the monster he somehow fit into his mouth.

"OH MY GOD!! HOW???" The pig hybrid gasps rolling around on the ground giggling like mad as he tried to catch his breath.

Philza gulps the whole thing down before grabbing another sandwich he sips his coke first though, suddenly a realization crossed his mind "oh! we never did fully introduce ourselves did we?"

The other furrows his brows before nodding and frowning as he sat up.

"Oh yeah, well I'm Technoblade." Technoblade introduced himself grabbing his own sandwich and taking a bite of it.

"I'm Philza minecraft, Pleasure to meet ya mate" Philza giggles before shoving the slightly smaller sandwich into his mouth and chewing.

Techno holds in a snort at the sight trying not to choke on his food, Twitch then  suddenly fly's down and lands on Philza's shoulder, Technoblade startled watching with wide eyes.

"Oh hello? would you like some bread?" Philza asks the bird pretending to now know the bird because- Technoblade seemingly recognized the bird which...odd but Phil wasn't taking any chances.

Twitch cawed hoping down and rubbing their beak against the bag with whole wheat bread.

"I'll take that as a yes! Hey techno can i give the bird some bread?" Philza asks with a bright smile.

Techno nods which gives Phil the confirmation he needs as he then proceeds to open the bag and give twitch the whole slice which seemingly appeases the bird as they then fly off into the tree's.

When their both done their food they start walking around the park enjoying the nice temperatures and getting to know one another more.

It was over all a very fun hang out, they should do this again sometime.

Chapter Text

Philza walks down the street in a sour mood, kicking up pebbles as he trots along, with putrid smells gracing his senses. He scrunches up his nose before going to investigate the inside of the alleyway.

BLOOD AND GORE WARNING!

The sight that awaits him makes him stumble before he catches his bearings. There, covered in trash, were mutilated children along with a few literal jugged gallons of blood. Sitting beside them were trash bags, most likely filled with human organs (well probably since one of the bags has a hole in it and said hole has guts pouring out of it.)

Philza sees a woman come out of a door with a apron on, covered in blood and various organs, carrying another trash bag. She stopped in her tracks when she caught sight of Phil.

The woman pulled out a gun, but was too slow for Phil who already had his sword out and immediately slit the woman's throat. He took out his talons and shoved his hand deep inside the woman, watching as the light drained from her eyes, before yanking his hand out and painting a feather onto the wall with the blood. Philza walked back over to the woman using their apron to clean his hand off before standing up and, stepping over her corpse, making his way through the open door.

YOU GOOD NOW! (For now 6u6) RECAP: Phil found dead child bits in the alleyway and killed a woman for carrying more out.

Also if you don't like child abuse- WARNING ABUSED CHILD'S INCOMING!!!! Actually you know what- like this entire chapter is like blood and sad kid shit so if you don't like I'd recommend just skipping this chapter  T_T

Philza was immediately hit with the stench of piss, shit, and rotting flesh along with a hint of cooked meat- what it was Philza really didn't want to find out.

Phil hurried inside, taking out his pistol and turning a corner, shooting two people cutting up meat that looked suspiciously close to human meat.

He hears a whimper come from a cage and Philza immediately went to check it out. He was met with the eyes of a tiny child- no more than the age of four.

He immediately unlocked the cage and made a move to reach inside before stopping and instead crouching down so he was eye to eye with the small pig hybrid.

"Come on out, I'm not going to hurt you.... And oh, don't worry- the bad people aren't going to hurt you either." Philza whispers gently coaxing the small child out. His words worked like a charm and the kid immediately scrambled out, reaching his tiny arms out and getting a death grip onto the front of Phil's shirt.

Phil rubbed the small child's back before slowly standing and looking around spotting multiple more animal kennels that had rotting children and adults sitting inside. He looked around reaching out and trying to get a pulse on any of the no-so-dead-looking-body's and having no luck so far.

The kid suddenly gasped making a choking noise. Philza was about to ask what was wrong he saw what the child was looking at- a teen maybe in his late sixteens was huddled inside of a cage with barely any room to move. Their skin was split in half; one side entirely white and the other a deep sky black. They wore a torn up hoodie covered in purple blood, their tail was wrapped tightly around their calf, and their horns scrapped against the roof of their cage.

Philza hurried over to the child, unlocking the cage and gently taking them out and laying them on the floor, propping their head and upper back up with his arms he checked their pulse.....

Thump.......

Thump Thump.......

Thump......

There was a pulse! Philza grinned before freezing as he heard a small shuffle in another cage he turned his to see a orange fox sitting inside, gazing up at him tiredly. Philza slowly reached over and unlatched the lock before opening the door and letting the fox escape, but the fox wasn't moving.

The only movement Philza saw was the unsteady rise and fall of its chest, and even that was barely moving. Philza gently lowered the teen down onto the floor earning a sad whimper from the kid but he tried to be as comforting as possible as he ran a hand through their hair.

Philza stood up, taking a mask out of his pocket and slipping it on before taking his cloak off and unbinding his wings, setting them free. He wraps his trench coat around the boy. Even with the size difference at least it helped somewhat.

He reached his hand into the cage letting the fox sniff him before gently petting its side. He then wrapped his hand around its waist and lifted it out. Philza set the fox down and placed him inside of his satchel before lifting up the teen and cradling him close to his chest, The small piglin looked down at the ender hybrid with worry before shoving his face back into Phil's shirt.

Philza jogged outside, trying not to jostle the children too much as he made his way outside and out of the alleyway before deciding that he has his wings out so fuck it, He spread his wings before blasting up into the sky, weaving in between buildings letting his reflection bounce against the windows of the high rise buildings. The stars danced in the sky painting the city like a masterful piece of artwork.

He swooped down to his apartment, squawking loudly to get his crows to open the door for him as he stumbled inside, plopping the teen onto his couch and gently setting the kid down beside him. Reaching inside his satchel, he set the fox down on the couch beside them before yanking his mask off and shoving it into a hiding spot. He raced to the kitchen, turning on the stove and letting the water heat up before sprinting to the bathroom, chucking his cloak into the basket and placing his green and white stripped bucket hat atop his head, deciding that it made him look more friendly before jogging over to the kitchen once more and pulling the fridge door open to see what they have.

They have bread, and some bologna, and chickfa'la sauce sitting in there. Ehhh, good enough.

He grabbed the whole loaf, throwing it onto the counter before grabbing the meat and sauce out and setting that down as well. Philza reaches into a cupboard, taking out paper plates and sets four down, (It's pretty obvious that the Fox was a human in a animal form) and made two sandwiches each for three plates, only making himself one sandwich and grabbing a small bag of sunflower seeds before making his way back to the living room with all four plates balanced evenly.

All three of them were wide awake and looking around worriedly before their eyes landed on him. The small pig child waved shyly before snuggling into the tall teens side. 

"Hello mates, sorry it took so long but here." He says with a gentle smile as he sets the plates down on the table, reaching the fox and setting their's in front of them.

"I'm Philza Minecraft, pleasure to meet the three of you. I'm sorry you lot had to go through the shit back at that other place, but you're safe now so don't worry." Philza says trying to be as reassuring as possible and it seemingly works as the others immediately start digging into their food.

The fox finishes first and changes into their human form, startling the two kids as they then watched in fascination. 

"Thank you for your help, I was on a under cover mission and was ambushed..... I doubt anyone at the agency would have notice me gone till I was already long dead and rotting somewhere. I had heard them saying they were going to butcher me next, curious to see what a Fox hybrid tastes like." The man's ears tilted down and he shivered uncomfortably before continuing. "If it weren't for you I would be dead. These kids would have lived a while longer, but they would also be dead soon if it weren't for you.... Are you a lower ranked hero? Or an underground one?" 

Philza shifts a bit scratching the back of his neck nervously before realizing that his wings are out......

FUCK.

Philza quickly tries to hide his appendages smiling nervously, earning a worried and curious glance from the fox man.

"Uhm, not exactly? Uhm.... I work at hero HQ, I'm like Raccooninit and Bee's manager, and well.....I saw the body bags and kinda started shooting the guys back there..... SOooooo if you could perhaps not mention me or anything.... especially my wings since they're kinda a secret that literally no one knows..... soooo yeahhhhh." Philza grins aloof and tries to keep the nervous points in his voice hidden.

The man's eyes widen and he opens his mouth before closing it and repeats it a few times before opting to just keep it closed and furrowed his brows thinking for a moment.

"So what're your names?" Philza asks thankful for the opportunity to change subjects and opens his bag starting to munch on the seeds.

"Oh uhm.... I'm Ranboo.... This is my son Micheal." Ranboo says, gently setting the toddler onto his lap watching Philza's and the fox man's eyebrows raise in disbelief.

"I-I adopted him....." Ranboo explains slouching down more so and covering Micheal with his body.

"Oh! That's interesting! Do you have any parents?" Philza asks Ranboo, who furrows his brows and bites his lip before answering.

"I uh... I have memory problems, and uhm I don't think either of us do." Ranboo nods in thought before nodding in confirmation.

"Oh.... Orphanage? Foster Parent?" Philza asks.

"No, None." Ranboo repeats, shaking his head.

""Oh, hmm well I suppose you're mine for now." Philza grins before throwing some of the seeds into the air and chirping watching as some members of his flock swoop up and catch some of it mid air while others that failed pecked at the seeds on the floor in shame. Philza makes that chirping caw-like laugh that the other crow's high up on the couches and laps were doing.

"Wha...:" Fox man asks ears tilted side ways in confusion, as he looks around.

"Oh yeah! You never introduced yourself," Philza states, looking expectantly toward the younger man who furrows his brows and opens his mouth to answer.

"I'm The Hero Foxy, but you saved me and have seen my face along with shoving me you wings, which you obviously don't want anyone to know about, so I'll tell you my real name which is Fundy, I use he/him pronouns."

Philza opens his mouth before closing it and furrowing his brows as well, mulling over what Fundy had just told him.

He let a pro hero into his fucking house.

He's so screwed.

Buttttttt, if Philza's sources are correct.....

"The two of you" Philza says pointing at Fundy and Ranboo "Are now my Peeps, and you" He says, pointing at Micheal who looks up in curiosity "Are now my grandchick"

Fundy and Ranboo watch with wide eyes full of confusion.

"You have entered my nest and seen my wings. You are either flock or you are food. Your choice," Philza answers, shrugging and popping a mouse into his mouth hearing it squeal as he crunches down on it.

Fundy pales considerably, opening his mouth.

"You are the Crow Father....." His words were barely a whisper but everyone heard it.

"Yep! And you have just been adopted by him! Welcome to the family~" Philza says grinning brightly from his seat on a perch he had nailed to the wall.

Chapter Text

Ahhhh bird seed.

The universal currency of Birds.

Well Live critters were worth thrice as much as five seeds.

Humans don't know anything about current modern day bird culture.

The monkeys.

Well getting side tracked.

Anyway-

Philza was currently heading to the Black Birbket.

Yes clever name isn't it?

It's the equivalent of the black market for humans but is instead the birds own version, Instead of exotic animals and expensive produce and Illegal drugs.

They sell humans, Shiny sparkily things that glitter, and well....marajuana, Believe it or not birds like to party.

It is kinda hard for a normal birb to get these things.

and while it may not be illegal since the flying demons never made a government or anything-

Their still birds.

In human society birds are pets and pests.

In return.

In bird society Humans are pets and pests.

And well.....Philza and a small portion of others are both.

Luckily!

Philza has earned his title as Crow Father In the Dome.

Which is where the toughest of birds pit together and fight to the death either for Money, Freedom, or a Title.

Philza fought for a title.

To give his clan/Flock a place among the council along with a place high up in bird society.

His flock was the most powerful in all the tree's and mountains.

But that got boring.

So they left for the human life.

Well now Philza's back.

And well his flock forced him to come....

Saying he needed to find a mate.

Which- AH HELL NAW.

Or well thats what he's thinking as he reads the card that was sent to every single clan in the world just last week- he only just found out as he was headed to the Black Birbket for some drugs and shiny things.

Philza's going to kill Twitch when he gets back.

He sigh's crushing the cardboard before zooming back into the sky looking down at the thousand of birds flying about perched atop tree's and nestled close to Chicks. The leaves were all sorts of colors ranging from bright greens to pinks as they waved in the wind.

Philza smirked swooping down and hovering over the dome watching a older human male was ducking it out with a large tiger. If the tiger wins the feathered watchers would swoop down and massacre the carcass and have their fill, Same for if the Human won. 

The human won slicing the Tigers head clean off its shoulders, Philza clapped loudly gaining the woman's attention, her eye's widened as she saw him before yelling out to him to save her. He ignored her knowing that The One's who brought her there for her crimes would soon return her and instead flew down and ripped a large chunk out of the tiger before quickly snatching the head up and grinning.

The woman tried to make her way to him but she was collared and led to a cage where she was then dragged by horse's that would bring her to the return section.

After that though....

He was immediately swarmed with Peacocks, parrots and a flamingo or two- even a golden pheasant came over to flirt with him, With he was very flattered but not interested.....

Although the Golden necklace with a living beating red heart inside of a see through casing looked....dazzling.....

and well the price to keep it was to go on a date with a vulture- and only a date so Philza saw no harm in it.....

And he spent the rest of the day buying Shiny golden jewelry and tons of diamonds with all the bird seed he had on him. By the time he was done his bag was fulled to the brim.

Phil looked around spotting a small beautiful black crow that he couldn't help but be drawn to.....

She was cooing softly.....

In fact she was drawing all of the birds around towards her......

Philza didn't know why......

He followed......

He heard his phone ding and reflexively went to check what it was.

Techno

Hey would you like to do that again sometime? Uhm the park i mean.

It's fine if you don't want to!

We could even do something else!

Get back to me whenever please

That snapped him out of his trance and he was then able to realize that that crow Wasn't a crow...

It was a siren hybrid with glamour on.

God Of course when there's so many exotic Birds in one place humans would come to steal them away.

He took out his gun and shot the 'bird' clean in the head effectively killing it, The effect was immediate as the creatures now free from her spell flew and broke free.

The siren came alone.

Rookie mistake.

We birds are badass we don't take no shit from nobody.

Nope WE give the shit.

(Quite literally too)

Chapter Text

Philza fly's over the city before flapping his wings and landing on the tallest buildings lightening rod that gave him the view of the entire city. The night was calm with a soft breeze waving through the air cooling the sweat dripping down his back.

Phil looked up into the sky watching the stars glitter in the night painting the city in a gorgeous landscape and reflecting against the water down below.

He glanced back down before taking out his phone and scrolling through social media causally. He made sure his feet were secure before stretching out his wings and sighing in relief.

He's been using the skin tight binder more often than he really should trying to look more human looking and less suspicious towards his coworkers (after they had asked why he always wore his cloak. Of course they were pretty cool with it since Multiple Hero's wore cloaks and capes but they had weapons underneath theirs)

And well, They wanted to know if Philza had any weapons underneath his. Philza obviously said no, ya know? like a liar. 

What villain doesn't have weapons on them at all times?

A fucking moron is what.

Which he is currently.

Because he grabbed the wrong fucking outfit.

Philza had two outfits laid out (His Night time outfit for villainy was in need of serious cleaning and wasn't available at the moment)

One, Had his normal clothes and cloak but with a shit ton amount of Fire arms and melee weapons.

The second, Is also a normal set of clothing and a cloak but with nothing in the pockets or sides.

He was wearing the second one.

Philza looking down at his boots.

A he does actual have a weapon.

A hunting knife that he was gifted by his son- or well, His ex-son about Seven years ago.

He better not fuckin lose it.

Philza sigh's before flapping his wings and preparing to go home before he spotted two distressed individuals,  He swooped down landing close to them. He quickly ripped his mask off and His his wings when he saw their face's- or masks.

Racooninnit and Bee, Technically his two bosses.

Philza runs over calling out softly to them, Racooninnit's head snap's in his direction before grinning in relief immediately hurrying over to phil.

"Philza! Big Man! Could you may'haps give us Boi's a hand?" Raccooninnt grinned and Philza nodded picking up the smaller teen and setting him comfortably in his arms.

"You Guy's got anywhere to go?" Philza asks noticing the tense atmosphere around the taller, His plae blue eyes flickered to Bee's face before landing on Philza's and giving an uneasy grin.

"Uhm yeah! Should be around here actually!" Raccooninnt exclaimed waving his arms before making grabby hands for Bee.

"But you aren't really allowed to see it yeah know? Big man stuff that old men can't see!" Philza sighed at the younger mans antic's but nodded but instead of handing the smaller over he gently sat the man down.

"At least let my bandage you mate"  Philza stated crossing his arms and raising a brow.

The taller grumbled but allowed him to tend to his wounds with the small first aid kit Phil always carried everywhere with him.

Huh there was also a needle in the kit, Thats another weapon if needed.

Chapter Text

The sun is shining

The flowers are blooming

The Rivers are running

The Birds are singing

The Bee's are buzzing

The Tree's are whistling

And deep inside the Hero Head Quarters......

A golden Eagle was screeching......

And Philza was Screaming......

-----------

It was an overhaul normal day at the office, for Hero Headquarters anyway...(it was never normal here) and Philza was just wondering about, minding his own business.

And suddenly....

a motherfucken golden eagle flew in and started chasing him, Twitch was with him (they snuck into his bag while he was wrapping his wings that morning the little shit) and was now chasing the Eagle who was chasing phil. So they were pretty much playing ring around the rosie.

Except instead of a fun childs game the big bird was swearing all sorts of offensive slurs.

"GET BACK HERE you black crow bitch!" The golden eagle screeched trying to dive bomb him but Philza was able to dodge the attack and threw a chair at it.

"THATS RUDE OF YOU! I'M NOT EVEN BLACK YOU FUCK! AND THAT'S RACIST!" Philza cawed back before ducking underneath Bee's desk and started throwing the various nick nacks the hero had at the golden Eagle a few feet away.

"STOP BEING SUCH A BITCH! YOU FUCKIN CROW WHORE!" The large bird Chirped out aggressively trying to take another dive before Twitch dove down and used their claws on The eagles wings.

"LEAVE DADZA ALONE YOU BITCH!" Twitch screeched and started clawing and slapping the Golden bird with their wings.

But the eagle was stronger and threw the Crow off before charging back at Philza.

Philza ducked and his hat was snatched by the large creature Philza hair was somewhat caught too and exposed his pointed ears, He quickly ran and ducked underneath Raccooninnit's desk before grabbing The younger mans chair and blocking the way in.

He heard the Eagle make contact with the chair, She started furiously scratching against it trying to break her way in.

Philza caught sight of his hat underneath the chair and quickly made a move to grab it, He succeeded but he was a second too slow and his hand was caught in the Eagles claw. Philza let out a pained caw before keeping his hand stock still in the hopes that the female would let his hand go and not worsen the wound.

"Thats what i thought bitch. Now move the damned chair!" She chirped smugly, Philza begrudgingly did as told lifting his free hand and moving the chair aside.

The eagle stood proudly with her wings puffed out she stretches out her claws still inside his hand and he hisses quietly as pain flares up.

He was too tired mentally and Physically to even try and hide the pain he was getting forced onto him.

"See was that really oh so hard?" She asks tilting her head to the side, He resists the urge to punt the Bird as it lets go and hops over to him blinking seductively.

Philza scowls, This Eagle must have been desperate to go to a Crow for mating purposes. Didn't she know that he wasn't even full bird? What the fuck.

What a second..... He has been feeling odd lately and more Bird species have been talking or- chirping with him more often. More crows have also been joining his flock.... Is something happening that he doesn't know about?

But before he could get to far into thought the door opens and while the golden eagles distracted Philza sprints out from underneath the table and fixes his hair before throwing his bucket hat on to cover his horns.

He ignores Bee and Raccooninnits confused looks and hurries over to twitch who was limping over to him with one of their legs twisted in an unnatural way.

"The fuck happen in here?" Raccooninnt asked, worry seeping into his voice as he took in the state of the place

"Ah, Uhm, The eagle and The crow got into a fight. I'm going to go now, I'll see you too tomorrow." Philza tells them hurriedly snatching his bag and trying to get out.

"WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOUR GOING!? GET BACK HERE YOU SLUT!" The golden Eagle whistled angrily hopping after him, but he had the high ground now so he easily kicked the fucker in the face, With a little more force the bird would be dead.

But Bee had told him to watch it while they did a small mission- He also stated that it was Willows..... And he wasn't going to kill Willows pet even if said pet was a mother fucker.

(Literally)

"OI! WHY'D YOU DO THAT!?" Raccooninnit screeched waving his arms around.

"That birds a dick, Now I'll se the two of you tomorrow, See yeah!"

He quickly walked out ignoring the concerned looks he got when people caught sight of his bloody hand.

Chapter Text

Philza sprints across the tracks, trying to get as much distance from the Dream Team as possible. They were hopefully still on the surface and not underground with him.

Blood steadily seeped out of his wounds as he willed his legs to pump faster. Philza would have liked to flown off, but- being underground makes that impossible.

Phil breaths out before his ears twitch and he picks up on a sound.

Oh fuck.

A train is coming.

Philza quickly glances around trying to find somewhere for cover. He finds a door and he then sprints towards it as the ground starts rumbling underneath him. 

He makes it right on time and flips the door open, throwing himself inside. Seconds later the train zooms by.

Philza slowly gets up before stumbling up the flight of stairs and out into the cold outside of an alleyway.

He looks around before spotting Fundy standing just a few feet away staring wide-eyed at him.

"What the- Phil? What are you doing here? ARE YOU BLEEDING???" He squeaks out-(quiet literally, after Fundy finished his sentence he let out an adorable little fox squeak)

Philza lifts his hands and finds that his mask is no longer in place.

"Oh yeah- I'm all good mate," Philza nods. He takes a step forward before promptly falling face-first into the dirty alley's floor and blacking out.

The last thought to cross his mind was 'Oh, looks like I got shot more than I originally thought.'

-------

He carried Phil out of the alley and into the street, making his way to the older man's apartment. Fundy kept throwing worried glances to the crow hybrid in his arms.

He finally reached the Crow Father's apartment and knocked on the door. Ranboo opened it, warbling in worry when he caught sight of Phil.

"Is Phil okay? What happened?" The taller one asked, quickly moving some things around on the couch before settling the older man onto it.

"I don't really know, he just collapsed in front of me..." Fundy responds before running over to the bathroom cabinet, grabbing the first aid kit and running back.

Micheal wobbles into the room most likely having heard the commotion and woke up from his nap.

"Its alright Micheal, you can go back to sleep," Ranboo strains to sound as calm and comforting as possible but fails quite miserably.

Micheal's ears perk up in alarm and he looks much more awake then he was moments ago. He scurries over to Philza and watches with wide scared eyes as Fundy takes some pliers and removes a bullet.

Philza then just so happens to wake up, eyes flying open scaring the shit out of everyone.

"Phil! Phil relax its just us!" Fundy states, calming the crow hybrid down. Phil quickly relaxes and drops back down to the couch knowing that he's safe.

"Oh, thank god. Thought I got caught by the police or somethin, fuck..... Well thanks for bringing me back Fundy!  probably would have been fine on my own but thanks again!" Philza chuckles patting him on the head good-naturedly.

Philza then grabs the pliers from his hands and starts taking the bullets out himself.

"Wait you shouldn't be doing that! Let me!" Ranboo grabs the pliers and gently pushes Phil back into the couch. Phil grumbles for a second but lets Ranboo work.

------

Philza checks his phone and sees a few text messages from techno, most are very worried too.

Dadza

Oops, srry it took so long for me to get back to you!

Some stuff came up and i didn't check my phone

A few moments later Techno replied.

Pretty Pink haired man

Oh thank god, thought something bad happened.

Are you good?

Dadza

Yeah I'm fine!

And yes i would like to hangout again sometime! I had a lot of fun! :D

Pretty Pink haired man

Good to know, Great!

Let me know whenever your free!

Dadza

Please let me know too!

Pretty Pink haired man

Sure thing :)

Philza grinned before slipping his shirt back on and throwing his black cloak and white skull-like mask on. He listened closely, hearing some shuffling in the living room along with a movie running.

Philza grinned before slowly opening up his window and jumping out.

There was chaos to be done.

Chapter Text

Philza flies around before landing on a street lamp. He glances around making sure no one was looking before jumping down and booking it to his goal.

The thing he and the bird kind have treasured ever since mankind created it.

Its radiance.

Its glamour.

The Bird Bath.

If only they made it in his size.
oh well.

Philza chirps before shoving his face into it and gurgling some of it before spurting it at twitch who took the challenge in stride scooping up some water themself and spitting it at the Crow Father.

They continue on like that for a while before tiring down and just sit perched on top of a park bench.
And before he knew what was happening, a large net shot out at him and he collapsed onto the grass with an angry kraa.

Raconninnit, Bee, and Willow walk out of some bushes, Bee holding a gun-looking thing with a smirk on his face.

"Well, well, well. Looks like we finally caught the Crow Father" Bee states smugly before high-fiving Raccooninnit.

Willow quickly jogs over and crouches down to Philza's level with a smug grin on his lips, He then kicks Him in the stomach earning a pained cough and some blood splattering against his voice changer.

Willow doesn't notice it or doesn't care though and proceeds to kick him a few more times before finally stopping to instead throw Philza over his shoulder.

The Crow Father groans as his previous wounds reopen and his new ones throb painfully, but he does his best to not let it show as he's taken to the police station.

Or at least he thought he was being taken to the police station; he thought that that was where they were going.

Philza's instincts were going bizarre from being so close to a natural predator and everything inside of him was just screaming at him to get away, but he couldn't risk getting Twitch hurt since they were in the net with him.

The Crow Father could do nothing but helplessly watch as the Heroes took him inside Hero HQ.

Chapter Text

Philza sat in the large birdcage glaring at his captors from underneath his mask. Thankfully they hadn't tried to get his mask off just yet, which is all in all a blessing. And if they did try, Philza would bite and scratch their hands off.

He already bit WIllow's fingers when they tried to tie up Philza's hands.

Bee had called down more heroes and there were about ten currently sitting on the outside of Philza's glass cage talking about something. Most likely what they were going to do with him.

Philza got a good view of everyone inside the room, Raccooninnit, Bee, Foxy, LadyRose, Georgenotfound, Snapnap, Badboyhalo, Skeppy, Willow, and Dream. 

Ya know like practically all of the top ten hero's. 
No biggie.....

No reason to start panicking......

Oh god, he's panicking.....

PHILZA SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO FUNDY AND RANBOO!

FUCK THE BLOOD GOD JUST WALKED IN!

LOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

DADZA FUCKED! XD

OOOOOOOFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

RUN!ESCAPE!GETTHEFUCKOUTRIGHTNOWORYOUWILLDIE!!!!!DNFUEFYIOJJOXYUOSYKDFULE

Uhmmmmmmmmmm I think their dying?

OFMG why are they freaking out? How inconsiderate! WE SHOULD BE WORRYING ABOUT THE CROW FATHER RIGHT NOW!

HFJJHWJIOIFDOPWKUQF

STOP HAVING A Panic Attack!

YOUR GONNA MAKE PHIL HAVE A Panic Attack!

STOP HAVING A PANIC ATTACK!

Philza was having a Panic Attack.

It got twice as bad whenever Willow came in, Philza's instincts were at their all-time high with being so vulnerable. So as soon as the Eagle hybrid unlocked the cage and stepped inside Phil cawed at the fucker and booked it.

Phil heard noises- voices? yes, voices calling out and yelling. There were blurs of colors clouding Philza's vision. 

A large black and red blur came and grabbed him, Phil screeched pushing the figure off before tilting his ears and jumping up.

He climbed up a flat surface trying to get away from the blurs and noise. It was all too much. Everything hurt his eyes and ears. He wanted to make it stop, he had to get away. It was hard to breathe.

He needed home, flock, he needed his flock. They could stop the noise. Stop the colors. Protect him. He needed it to stop. They said they would protect him. They said they would make sure nothing hurt him anymore. SO why are they letting him feel so much pain? It hurts.

Pain laced through his shoulder Philza looked down seeing red ooze down his shoulder painting the blurs in a different color.

He needed safety. Flock. He-..... He needed his floc-ck...

Needed flock.

PHILZA!

Breath!

Take deep breaths!

GET AWAY! GET AWAY!

GETTHEFUCKUTOFTHERERIGHTNOW!

GETOUTGETOUTGETOUTGETOUTGETOUTGETOUTETOUGETOUTGETOUTGETOUT!!!

Blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood

KILL THEM!

BREATH DADZA!

BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD!

Blood for the blood god.

KILL THEM HEY HURT YOU!

BREATH PHILZA!

Death for the angel of death

BLOOD

blood

BREATH!

Out! In, Out! In.

Death for the angel of death

Blood for the angel of death

They hurt dadza, kill them.

BREATH

The voices were so loud...

Philza ran, beating his wings up and pushing himself up into the air, he flew as fast as he could getting farther and farther away from the painful voices and colors till there was nothing but the blacks and white of the above.

It still hurt.

But not as much.

There was almost no noise up there.

The air was getting thinner.

Philza then noticed the lack of air entering his lungs and how they burned from exhaustion and lack of oxygen.

He took a long intake of air and breathed out, Phil repeated the action a few more times before looking around at his surroundings.

He was above the clouds, how he was able to get up there so injured was beyond him but Philza's needed to get down and take off his mask quickly before he burned himself out and crashed down onto the earth. 

That would be a painful way to go.

Mentally, Emotionally and Physically.

Phil quickly flew down, landing a few blocks away from his house looking around and scouting the area to make sure none of the heroes were able to follow him.

After an hour he made his way back to his apartment knocking on the door and promptly falling into Ranboo's arms.

Chapter Text

Philza laid down on the bed watching Ranboo's chest rise and fall. He had wiped off the teen's painful tears a few hours earlier and he would have fixed the peep bloody tears tracks but the chick wouldn't let him go and ended up passing out clutching onto Philza with a death grip that he couldn't even try to escape.

The door opened and Philza turned his head to watch Micheal trot inside looking around curiously before running over to the bed and hopping up onto it, the tiny peep slide in between Philza's back and his wings, planting himself there and shuffling around a bit. Moments later Phi heard soft snores where Micheal was.

Philza sighed a small smile gracing his face as he looked around at the scene.

He shook his head before grabbing his phone out of his pocket ignoring how pain laced through his body at the small action.

Philza reached up and plucked his bucket hat off placing it on his bedside table looking around once more but instead of looking at the heart-warming scene, he looked at his apartment If he was so rich from his heists then why the fuck does he live like a broke person? (He actually has an answer for his own question, it is because he refuses to sell the jewelry that he stole because its shiny, and he gives the actual money he gets to charity.)

Phil sighs before lifting his hand and rubbing his small horns. Thinking back to when he first got them, he hadn't really been able to ponder on just why he had them, and he had really just pushed the thought to the side for later. He never did get back to it.

GIVE US BIRBSEEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

DADDDDDDDDDDZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

GI-ME MY CHIGGIE NUGGIES!!!!!

FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

IM HUNGRY!

GET UP OLD MAN

Phil groans as his head are suddenly bombarded with tons of different voices at once and he begrudgingly does his best to squirm and wiggle his way out of Ranboo's grip, ignoring the pains racing through his body that most definitely weren't there when he had gotten home.

He stumbled into the kitchen starting up the coffee machine and turning the TV on, then he limped into the bathroom grabbing his Healing Drugs that sped up his already fast regeneration ability.

After a few minutes, he put the medkit away and walked back into the kitchen with only a small barely noticeable limp this time.

Philza ignored whatever the TV was saying and poured himself a cup of the newly brewed coffee putting some sugar and milk into it and sipping slowly. He sat there for a few minutes clearing his senses before looking up at the news lady rambling about the weather and Philza's breakout at Hero Headquarters at the same time for some reason before switching topics to a museum.

He raised an eyebrow silently judging the obvious newbie before grabbing some bread and putting it in the toaster.

"-have been studying a new artifact that was found deep within a desert, Archeologists have been marveling over the object that somehow stayed completely intact for thousands of years without even a speck of dust on it. Scientists have studied the mysterious treasure and are perplexed by it, saying that it doesn't have any atoms or anything and shouldn't even exist! 

"They concluded that someone with a special power had made it. They ended up putting the totem into a museum the ######### #### on ###### Street, Here's a picture of the item" She stated and with a few awkward hand gestures a picture of the totem appeared.

Philza spat out his coffee back into his mug and stared wide-eyed at the treasure.

He hadn't seen one of those since-

Phil cuts that train of thought before hastily grabbing a water bottle, chugging the water before dumping his coffee into the bottle and twisting it back on. Philza places it on the counter before throwing his toast beside it and sprinting into his bathroom, thankful he left his other set of clothing in there the day before, and quickly chucked his bloody and torn clothing onto the floor changing as fast as humanly possible and sprinting back out into the living room.

He opens a cabinet shoves some bags aside and grabs his shotgun and ammo, Phil runs over to the closet taking out his content and buckling its sheath on his hips, and throwing the shotgun over his shoulder. Phil almost grabs his food before hesitating, and instead he grabs a piece of paper letting Ranboo know he would be back soon before then grabbing his breakfast and dashing out the window.

"CHICK! You're alright!?" Twitch calls flagging their wings and chasing after him as he soars through the sky.

"I'm fine Twitch! But it's an emergency and we need to get something quick! These fucking humans don't know what to do and the magic they're fuckin with!" Philza caw's back trying to stay in the shadows doing his best to not get seen even if the sun still hadn't risen yet.

Twitch and a few other crows that had followed made confused kraa's and caw's but followed after Phil regardless.

Philza landed on a tall building waiting for his fellow Murder to land beside him before explaining his plan to them all.

----

Team Hotza scoped out the area and looked for openings while Team Alonzee flew over to a restaurant ready to create a distraction at any moment while Team Team waited for the orders to get in and secure the item.

Hotza found some vents that the crows could fit into and effectively go in and get what they needed, Team stealthily swooped into tree's and stayed high even though Philza reminded them multiple times that they were indeed birds and no one would suspect them, but of course they didn't listen. 

And why would they? They're just dumbass Crows that chase after laser pointers and chase after cats when it's supposed to be the other way around for both of those (Ignore how Philza has literally done both of those things as well and was the one who initially instigated that behavior.)

Alonzee started shitting everywhere and stealing people's food effectively causing a big enough distraction in case things went sideways, and just as expected the guards immediately went to go and see what all the commotion was bout which gave ObsidiatheDragon enough time to swoop down and snag some keys without getting caught.

Half of Team Team went through the vents while the other half went through the front door, And well.... turns out that not all of the guards had left so Philza went in to slit the guard's throat, which hadn't been part of the plan but then again Philza's calling card was painting a feather symbol onto a flat surface so that's just what Phil did as Team Team found and grabbed what they had come for.

Team Alonzee reported that the guards were now returning to the museum so they had to hurry, and Team Hotza also reported that The Dream Team was on their way chasing another villain who was accidentally leading the Heroes right to The Crow Father.

Phil kraa'ed loudly, telling everyone to get out now. WeirdLookingWolf swooped down handing Philza the totem and then flew into the vent. Phil quickly followed suit as he heard the footsteps of guards heading in their direction.

Philza grinned as slipped out of the vent falling onto the pavement below. He silently cheered in victory as he flew away and then, ironically, flew straight into Dream.

He knocked Dream to the ground and apologized before helping the young man to stand, which earned a startled thanks before the Hero froze and they stared at each other for a few seconds before Philza booked it in the opposite direction.

Well, he got what he came for, that's all that matters.

He then looks behind him and proceeds to scream as he sees Badboyhalo literally running on the walls and jumping from building to building chasing after him.

Chapter Text

Philza kissed Ranboo on the forehead and hugged Micheal before grabbing his lunch and sprinting out of the house mindful of the way more than just his back twinged in pain each step he took.

Mynarxya chases after him throwing a mouse his way he jumps afoot to catch in his mouth when thankfully no one was looking. He cawed his thanks before running to the train station eating his morning snack happily.

He ran over to the coffee shop and grabbed that morning's coffee before wishing Eli a good morning and booking it towards HQ.

Phil was able to get there without much fuss and greeted everyone warmly as he passed heroes and interns and just people there for business.

He hands everyone their order and then hurries to Raccooninnit and Bee's office, gently pushing the door open and grinning broadly at them both.

"How are you two today? Anything fun happen?" He asks before sitting down and starting on his paperwork.

"Oh! We found a book on how to speak Parrot! We're trying to translate it but... I'm dyslexic and Tommy's stupid so we aren't having much luck," Bee explains annoyedly, Philza heard the name slip up but choose to not mention it.

"I'M NOT STUPID!!! I'M A BIG MAN WHO KNOWS'S BIG THINGS! This book is just a bitch!" Raccooninnit exclaims angrily pointing at said book and crosses his arms, pouting.

"Raccoon, books can't be bitches because it's an object," Phil said smartly sticking his tongue out as Bee snickered and Raccooninnit stared wide-eyed with his mouth open before he exploded. Verbally that is.

"I THOUGHT YOU WERE ON MY SIDE! BUT LOOKS LIKE YOUR A BITCH! YOURANASSSHOLEASSSHOLEISAYWHY'DYOUDOTHATPHILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL" Raccoonninnit whined flopping down onto his office chair and spinning on it.

"Well I believe that Phil has a point, Bitches are dogs, not objects." Bee grins before taking a seat in his own chair and grabbing his paperwork.

Phil chuckled at their antics and sat down at his own desk, thankful he wouldn't be standing on his aching feet but accidentally letting out a pained groan as pain flared up in his lower back. 

Bee and Raccooninnit's heads swiveled toward him in alarm and they both stood up and raced over in sync.

"Are you alright boss man?" Bee asked concernedly seemingly looking him up and down.

"Should we get Dream? The blood god? Willow?" Raccoon asked biting his lip and wringing his hands together.

"Oh no, I'm fine m8! Just overworked my back last night, me being old n' all that" Phil tried to cover up, the lie slipping easily on his tongue.

"No, no you didn't." Bee replied his antennas twitching as he looked Phil up and down.

"What ya mean mate?" Phil asks clearly nervously as his grin twitches down slightly.

"There's blood on your seat." Bee points out in a calm-yet-panicky voice, Raccooninnit's head swirled down in shock and his wings flared up in alarm.

Phil looked down and also noticed that his lovely green cloak was now dirtied.

He groans annoyedly before looking up at the heroes who looked a second away from getting help. 

"Look m8 I'm fine! Okay well, I may have got mugged again but that's pretty normal! And yeah his knife may have slipped a tad but that's also fine! I'll just head to the mall down the street and grab me a medkit." Philza covered nodding to himself as he finished.

"No, we have bandages here since Racconninnit always hurts himself," Bee says walking over to his desk and pulling a drawer.

"Hey! Well- uh, That's because I'm a big brave man! I get hurt because I save people!" Racconninnit says, wings flaring up behind him proudly.

Bee snorts walking back over and handing Phil the medkit. "Or you're just a dumb noisy Child" 

Phil leaves the room hearing the two of them bicker as he closes the door behind him. He quickly looks at his surroundings and sees that everyone is working and not looking at him, so if he hurried he wouldn't get any worrying looks or someone trying to help.

And crap there's Bad and Willow.

"Phhhhiiiiiiiiiiilllllllll!" Bad called out happily wagging his tail behind him like a puppy. God this giant is too adorable.

Bad ran over and Scooped Phil up into a hug his tail wagging happily behind him and smacking against Bad's ankle.

"I missed you!" Bad declared squeezing him once more, Phil could practically hear the hearts in the man's sentence.

Well, he sure could hear the murder.

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

ADORABLE!!! <3 <3 <3 <3

God i love bad!!!!!!

He's such a cute bad boi!!!!! <3

BADBOYHALO! MY BELOVED!!!!!!

Yeahhhhhhh.

Philza patted Bad's shoulders since that's all he could reach giving a warm and slightly pained smile back to the angelic demon. "It's been a few days mate." 

BadBoyHalo grinned before putting Phil back down and Philza almost wished he kept cradling him because pain flared in his feet and lower back once more.

God, he was going to need to check on that very soon. It's getting very worrying.

Willow, Skeppy, and the Blood God came over and- Oop he hadn't seen the other two.

The Blood God's lips pursed as the pig hybrid saw him and- Was that a blush? Naw probably not.

Willow smiled in greeting and Skeppy grinned, throwing his arms around Phil laughing brightly jumping them up and down.

"It's been forever!!" Skeppy yelled, lifting Phil up despite the size difference.

"It's been like three days mate!" Phil laughs patting the other back before getting set back down again.

"Hello again!" Willow says smiling a bit brighter than before and offering his hand in greeting.

"Hello to you too!" Phil smiled in return reaching out and gripping the other's hand shaking it, he quickly pulled away though because of the predator's aura surrounding the guy.

After a few beats of silence, Wilbur elbows the Blood God in the stomach and whispers something harshly into the other ear.

"Uh hi..." The Blood God says... almost nervously his ears twitching and was that blush? Nope, he's the Blood God no way that's true.

Willow looked a bit startled too and Phil saw the man's mask crinkle as his brows furrowed in suspicion.

"So how you guys meet? It's pretty obvious that you guys have known each other for a long time if Phil was willing to let you pick him up like that! I've known you for years and wouldn't be caught dead doing that," Wilbur said chuckling lightly clearing saying it as a joke.

"Oh, a few months!" Phil answers smiling softly at Bad when he saw the ears of the other tilt down and the way the demon's eyes got the sad puppy look.

It worked and Bad perked back up smiling genuinely once more.

WIllow's mouth opened in shock "Wait really?" 

"Yep! We met at a café! And we kept meeting up there!" Skeppy added trying to throw his arm over Phil's shoulder and somewhat succeeding although it hurt Philza's back with how he had to lean down.

Philza turned his head around and saw Bee and Raccooninnit walking towards them and Philza's happy grin turned nervous as they came closer- clearly heading towards their group.

They made it over within seconds glaring at Phil who smiled back sheepishly.

"Philllllllll" Raccoonninnit called sternly crossing his arms.

"What you do?" Skeppy whispered into his ear slowly letting him go and taking a few steps away towards Bad.

"Did you fix yourself?" Raccooninnit demands seemingly raising an eyebrow, Bee stands beside him narrowing his eyes as well.

"Uhhhh, well I kinda got distracted-" Phil attempts to excuse but Bee interrupts him.

"YOU WERE BLEEDING!" Bee shouts waving his arms around frantically.

"It's not that big of a deal mate" 

"Uh yes, it is! THERE WAS BLOOD ALL OVER THE DAMN SEAT AND ON THE FLOOR! DID YOU SEE HOW BIG THAT PUDDLE WAS!?? HOW HAVE YOU NOT PASSED OUT FROM BLOOD LOSS!!??" Raccooninnit screamed frantically.

"Oh come on Raccoon! It's fine! Like literally I've had way worse than that! I mean it feels just like yesterday I was pushed off a building! Add it really was not that much blood!" Phil waved his hands trying to calm the two young men down.

Bad's eyes widen in shock along with pretty much everyone else in the room that had stood up to watch the drama unfold.

"Is that true? Y-you got pushed off a building?" Bad stammers his ears flat against his head in shock.

"Uhhhhh, of course not! You heard wrong!" Philza says quickly, waving his arms.

"Oh come on it really isn't that big of a deal!" Phil added quickly "I bet you guys have had way worse than that!" 

"Well, we're heroes! It's our job!" Bee stammered.

"Okay well I'm a go to the bathroom and use the medkit- see ya!" Phil tried to leave but was stopped by Bad.

"Want me to help you?" Bad asked ears tilting down as he asked uncertainly.

"Naw I'm good Mate" Phil answers before speed walking to the employee bathrooms.

Jesus, he must be a tad delirious from the blood loss huh?

Chapter Text

Willow sat down beside his fellow heroes to discuss an important matter that has been brought forth because of their very own Intern.

Everyone was sat down silently waiting for Dream to start the meeting who was currently typing away on his iPad. Once the blob man set the iPad down, everyone looked up and came to attention.

"Matters have been brought to our attention regarding crime-related matters in the lower districts. In fact one of our very own co-workers has been experiencing it almost daily. In districts ten through fifteen there has been a large spike in villains and vigilantes, not to mention the new Vigilante-turned-villain Crow father. We have also gathered information that the Crow Father has joined the League of Villains." Dream states, his voice cold and monotone, but they could all hear the worry in his voice.

"So, we need to solve this ever-growing issue quickly before it spirals out of proportion and leads to something that can not be undone," Captain answers bringing her hands together and looking down in thought.

"Yes," Dream answers tensely.

"So what do we do?" Snapnap asks throwing his hands up and looking at the other worriedly.

"Well First we need to start patrolling the lower class areas, So we can catch more criminals, and while we're out there criminals and villains will be less willing to come out and cause trouble. Second, We need to find and capture the vigilantes and get them off the streets and revive hope people have in us heroes. Thirdly, we need to go to the president and ask him to send more money to the people in the poorer districts. Fourthly, Bad you have Philza Minecraft's number correct?" Dream states his facts before turning to BadboyHalo questioningly.

"Uhm, yeah. Why?" Bad asks furrows his eyes and biting his lip wringing his hands together in worry.

"Ask him how he's doing and ask him to give us some information about whatever district he lives in." Dream answers leaning back and reaching his hand out to grab his tablet.

"Oh! Like what?" Bad asks tilting an ear questioningly, as they all watch Dream tap on the iPad once more, scrolling and taping and other things.

"How many crimes there on a scale one-to-ten compared to the other districts and ask what the living conditions of the average people there are, along with his district number of course- what he eats daily, how many meals he has a day, how many snacks does he have a day. How long he usually sleeps. Ya know, the basics." Dream says non-committedly.

Bad nods, pulling out his phone and typing into it for a minute before sending it. Bad flickers his gaze up before looking back down and grinning.

"It says he's typing!" Bad says happily, Dream nods before permitting them to a break.

Wilbur looks over to Technoblade who seemed to be fuming in anger for a reason that Wilbur may have the answer to.

"Hey Blood God, can we talk for a minute?" Wilbur asks gaining the other's attention. Techno nodded, standing up and they both left the room standing outside the door to the meeting room. There was no one around so they had privacy.

"Sooooo Techno~" Wilbur lets his cold work-only facade fall as he grins at his friend who purses his lips and tilts his head up to look Wilbur in the eyes.

"Yes....?" Techno trails off worriedly shifting his legs slightly for a more comfortable position as Wilbur's eyes bore into his.

"What's your relationship with Phil?" Wilbur asks getting to the point. He gets the reaction he wants though. As he watches the pig hybrid's ears and cheeks flush a darker pink.

"I don't have one" Technoblade answers, the lie is obvious though as his ears flicked up and down, Wilbur bursts into laughter as his suspicions were revealed true.

"Holy SHIT! You have a crush!!!" Wilbur grins in disbelief.

Techno's ears flick back and his tail thrashes behind him wildly in alarm.

"No, I don't!" Techno weakly defends, his blush growing by the second.

"Oh, you so do! Wait- Is That why you've been buying so much gold and jewelry lately?! Are you giving him gifts!" Wilbur's eyes shine in excitement when Techno's face grows even REDDER.

"HOLY CRAP!" Wilbur exclaims giggling like a teenager as he watches Techno open his mouth and close it multiple times before simply shutting his mouth shut.

"I-.... I haven't gotten his address to send them yet..." Techno finally admits after a few seconds of silence.

Wilbur's eyes widen and his grin stretches across his face and he starts jumping up and down in excitement, his wings flaring up and down behind him in uncontained energy.

"OH MY GOD!!! BLADES GOT A BOYFRIEND!!!" Wilbur yells loudly in happiness, His mouth gets covered not a second later by Technoblade. 

Wilbur licks his friend's hand, gaining the wanted reaction as the pig hybrid's hand was ripped away in disgust.

"Haha! This is so Poggers!! I'm gonna be the Blade's wingman! LITERALLY!!!" Wilbur screeches throwing his arms and wings around his friend (Well he tries to wrap his arms around techno but the guy was too damn bulky and his arms only reach the guy's sides.)

"Wait you're what?" Techno blinks in shock and relief but then it's quickly followed by panic.

"Oh HONK NO! YOU SUCK AT ROMANCE!" Techno yells back trying to push Wilbur away but Wilbur stuck on him like glue and Techno wouldn't be able to rip the man off without tearing his clothing off.

After a few minutes of struggling they go back into the meeting room and sit back down in their seats, Dream starts speaking aloud moments later.

"Alright from what we gathered from Bad- Phil lives in district fifteen and how bad the district is crime-wise with a scale one-to-ten is a ten out of ten," Dream says in obvious discomfort.

Alright, now that was worrying. And Wilbur isn't the only one to think that too.

"He usually sleeps about two to six hours a day. Eats one meal a day with a snack or two on the side. He takes one shower every two to three weeks- but since he started working here he's been showering once to twice a week. He has a small apartment with one bedroom, a bathroom, kitchen, and Livingroom. He uses the bathroom about three times a day, and uhm. He gets into muggings and gang fights and whatnot at least five times a week." Dream says before saving his data he typed in as he spoke and placed the tablet back down.

Everyone sat in silence for a moment before Wilbur spoke up.

"So who all wants to start patrolling district fifteen?" 

All hands go up.

Chapter Text

Philza threw the cute purple cat hoodie over Ranboo's head earning a displeased Vrooop, Ranboo immediately threw it off with an angry warble.

"No! Don't you dare! I'm going with you!" Ranboo growled angrily before throwing his black shirt back on and his dark blue jeans.

"What about Michael!?" Philza asked crossing his arms unimpressed by his peep's efforts.

"He can take care of himself! I've already told him we'd be gone for a while! He's currently taking a nap." Ranboo answers before hopping on one leg putting on a shoe.

"You could get hurt!" Phil glares, crossing his shoulder with his wings tense on his back.

"You get hurt all the time so-SHUTTHEFUCKUP!" Ranboo yells angrily, finally getting both shoes on and spinning towards Philza.

"You" Ranboo points at Phil "Aren't leaving this apartment without supervision!" 

"I'm not a child Ranboo-" 

"WELL, YOU SURE ACT LIKE ONE! AND I KNOW YOU AREN'T GOING TO STAY HOME AND HEAL SO THE NEXT BEST THING IS I COME WITH YOU!" Ranboo yells before stomping over to a box where they put Ranboo's clothes and slipped out a red Technoblade merch cloak.

Phil hears an oink and see's Micheal holding one of Philza's pistols holding it scarily correctly and cocked the gun and switched on the safety.

"He's coming as well it seems." Ranboo nods pulling the cloak over his back and tying it at his shoulders.

Micheal trotted over to his own box and slipped out his own little Technoblade merch cloak, slipping it on with graceful ease that not even Dream had.

Phil sits there mouth agape for groaning and walking over to a floorboard that was loose opening it and looking through his illegal supplies pulling out two extra masks and three-voice distorters since Phil forgot to grab one.

He slipped his own on and helped the other two put theirs on.

Philza gave the toddler one of his knives watching the possible six-year-old expertly swirl the knife around before sheathing it.

"Your child is scarily good with weapons," Philza says nervously, his eyes flickering to Micheal's knife (Which was basically a sword for the child) and the way the chick hid the gun in a pocket inside of his cloak was slightly unnerving.

But he is the Crow Father, he's quite unnerving himself.

"Well, we are going to be killing people mate. Sureeeeee you want to go?" Philza attempts one last time but gets a firm nod in response.

Philza sighs before picking Ranboo and Micheal up into his arms. The teen was really tall, but the Crow Father made it work.

He popped the window open, cawing to his murder before taking flight. He blasted up into the sky before spinning and swooping down into an alleyway and hiding on top of a gutter.

"Micheal aim- yep right there! Now pull the trigger," Phil whispers gently, pretty fucked up in his opinion, but the kid seemed absolutely fine with it and even pulled the trigger multiple times after the man was already dead.

"I think I just made a little psychopath Ranboo," Philza says worriedly before jumping down and using the blood to make his usual feather. The young boy the man had been molesting had run as soon as the guy's body fell.

Phil swooped back up into the air landing on a rooftop a few blocks away. "Hey, Phil-err Crow Father can you put me down?" Ranboo asks, Philza sets him down gently and puts Micheal on his hip.

"I thought I should let you know that I can teleport. Also what should be our code names?" Ranboo asks, his voice changer making him sound older and more distorted.

Philza thought for a second as Micheal played with his golden hair and ears giggling when they flicked up and down.

"You can be Ender, he is either Pinky or Death" Phil nodded watching the chick giggle and squeal as he ran his hooves through his hair.

"Oh we're going with Death."

"Obviously."

Philza takes out some comm things and places them in Ranboo's ear before putting one in his own, he then gives one to Micheal and clips it onto the peep's ears since it was so big the ear-bud thing would just fall out.

"So what's the plan?" Ranboo asks tilting his head and scanning the streets below with only a hint of nervousness.

"Well I'm going to do my patrol, you take Micheal and watch. For tonight and the next few nights you and Micheal will only watch or you'll take out some of the easy ones. But that's about it." Phil shrugs before stretching an arm out and letting Twitch perch on the outstretched limb cawing and nicking at his hair.

Philza hands Micheal over to Ranboo before spreading his wings and taking off into the sky.

"Alright Ranboo you'll have to teleport and jump across rooftops, but I'm going to be flying above so don't worry too much," Philza tells Ranboo flickering his eyes down watching Ranboo follow him, jumping roof to roof with Micheal sitting atop his shoulder quietly watching his surroundings excitedly.

"Uhm alright," Ranboo says right back teleporting a few buildings away peering into an alleyway. "There's someone getting murdered down here"

"Well if the person's distracted, either you or Micheal shoot him," Phil tells him circling the area protectively watching his peeps. A few dozen crows join him and what he's doing looks more like a death circle which he really hadn't been going for. He caws for the others to fuck off which they do thankfully.

"I'm not really good with guns, better with a sword and hand-to-hand combat, sorry could you do it Micheal sweetie?" Ranboo says before asking Micheal in an adoring voice to kill a guy.

Phil watches Micheal pull out his gun and aim it into the alleyway pulling the trigger a few times before reloading suavely.

"Noice" Phil grins swooping down into the alleyway and painting his signature feather onto the wall with blood.

"Alright, you see this picture I made? Well If you are not queasy you can start to paint it on using your victim's blood!" Philza explains cheerfully tapping the wall with his still bloody fingers, Ranboo and Micheal nod and hum in sync before Ranboo teleports the two of them back on the rooftop, and Phil bursts out and back into the sky.

"God we're starting to sound like a fucking cult," Phil mumbles but he hears Ranboo hum in agreement before snorting in laughter, Micheal giggles as well waving his arms excitedly with a disturbing glint in his eyes.

CULTZA

CULT CULT CULT CULT CULT!

BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD

WE SERVE THE ANGEL OF DEATH! AKA CROW FATHER

CULT OF DEATH

TEACH DEM CHILDS THE WAYS OF GOD

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS BLOODDDDDDDDD

WE ARE BIRB CULT

CAN WE MAKE A TIKTOK ON BIRB CULT?

Wait they should totally make a tiktok and make it about Birb Cult.

Well, that's marked on his to-do list.

They continue the night like that, Micheal happily shooting from afar with Ranboo going in to make sure the person/people were dead and to paint the bloody feather symbol, Micheal even drew some small feathers on the walls too. It was adorable.

Chapter Text

Philza kneels before his Technoblade shrine with Ranboo and Micheal at his side, their hands were folded together, and they bent down in sync before rising and bending once more.

"Blood for the Blood God," Phil and Ranboo say in sync with Micheal snorting and squealing as well.

"Blood for the angel of death," They all say.

"Blood for the Crow Father," They chant.

"Join The Birb Cult." They all slowly turn their head to where a phone was recording their ritual.

"Join us."

"One of us."

The crows circled around them start chirping and cawing some of them even saying "one of us" in somewhat broken English, but still never-the-less still bloody terrifying.

Philza stands walking over and hitting the stop recording button before turning on the lights, Phil cackles, and Ranboo and Micheal are clutching their stomaches in absolute joy crawling over and watching the video again.

Phil then starts to edit the video adding in something called ###### Crow Bop, Before he posted it onto his new youtube, tiktok, and Twitch account.

Philza cackled before putting his phone away and starting to clean up the mess they had made, Ranboo opens the window letting out some of the crows that needed to do their business and what-not.

"I'll join you in bed in a minute Boo," Phil says giving ranboo a kiss on the cheek after taking off his masks.

"Kay dadza" Ranboo acknowledges before trotting over to the bed with Micheal in tow.

-----------------

WARNING---- SLightly inappropriate like 18+ stuff since it mentions Penis's and stuff- (But If your underage I don't care. Read whatever just try not to traumatize yourself)

Phil wakes up at around five and starts getting ready for the day, He goes into the bathroom and turns so his back is facing the mirror and looks at the bone jutting out of his lower back half the length of his arm and starting to sprout feathers, He tries to use the bathroom but finds that his penis is no longer there... neither is his Asshole... Which was quite concerning.

Philza takes a closer look using his fingers and a miniature mirror only finding a singular hole. He blinks at the thing before simply sitting on the toilet and doing his business that way, both number one and two go out of the hole and plop into the bowl below. He stands and flushes it grabbing toilet paper and wiping it before throwing it into a trash can.

WARNING OVER!--------------RECAP Phil now has a cloaca and Used the toilet to do his business

So thats, why it felt like his crotch, was on fire last night.

Phil stands up and shaves the sides of his face leaving a nicely trimmed goatee with some stumble on his neck. He looks down at his hands that have started to become more scaley and his nails have become long and pointed and look and feel hard to break.

Philza next glances down at his feet finding his toes to also have talons, thankfully he still had heels- but He didn't know just how long it would take till they were gone as well.

He leaves the bathroom slipping some black jeans on and a baby blue shirt and pulling his dark green cloak out and slipping it over his arms and feeling it settle comfortably right above his ankles.

"Alright, so what the fuck happened to me twitch?" Philza caws raising an eyebrow at the Crow perched on top of his hat.

"Did I become a woman as well as grown a tail and talons?" Phil glares at them twitch scoffs wings ruffling as they take a few steps forward.

"Of course not! That's rude of you! You still have a- well, not on the outside anyway. You aren't genetically female just because your privets turned into one thing- which is really all in all more accessible and better than the dangily limb you had before If you were really just worried about your woo-woo" Twitch deadpans giving him a look.

Phil squawks giving them the middle finger with his long talon "Okay, well is this because of what happened like One hundred and some years ago?" Philza asks tilting his head receiving a stern nod in return.

Philza frowned as the information processes through his brain, He sigh's un tensing and rubbing his forehead.

"So now I have a cloaca?" Phil asks giving the bird a curious look.

"yep! What do you think so far?" Twitch asks flapping their wings and grabbing his hat before flying over and flopping it into his head and landing on his outstretched arm.

"How am I gonna have sex?" Phil asks, face Stoney as the thought is crushed down upon him.

Twitch cackles as Phil try to come to a conclusion.

"Oh well I didn't know I'd have to give you 'the talk' but okay~ So when a Pretty Crow and a shiny Crow love each other very much-" Twitch is silenced as Phil clasps his hand around their mouth stopping whatever they were going to say for being heard.

"Just tell me!" Phil groans letting them go after a few seconds.

"Well, You just rub against each other-" Phil clasps his hand back around their beak silencing them once more as Philza quickly nods his head.

"Alright, thanks, good to know, Now kindly fuck off." Phil orders opening a window and throwing them out before closing the latch once more.

Ranboo trots over to Philza handing him a lunch box and a hug before sending him off to work.

Phil grins quickly throwing his cloak off and binding his wings throwing the cloak back on and grabbing his cloaking device, His ears have gotten too long and feathery to simply hide in his hair so he had to start relying on the nifty little device more now.

He ran outside down the stairs and towards the underground train station slipping on and sitting down waiting for the long two-hour ride to district one where Hero Head Quarters waited.

Phil heads into the crowded streets and went to the coffee shop grabbing the containers the awaited him and hurrying over to the HQ and through the front door and up the elevator to the one hundredth and fortieth floor.

He gives everyone their drinks and walks over to Bee and Raccooninnits office, No one was in it. Phil frowned leaving the room and looking around the office before noticing that everyone was huddled together looking at something. Phil jogged over standing beside Fundy who gave him a startled look glancing back to the others before mouthing 'did you make that?' Phil gave him a confused look and Fundy pointed at a large TV playing the tiktok that he had made late last night and very early in the morning.

Phil grinned nodding in delight, Foxy gave him a deadpan look before walking over to the other hero's who were discussing what to do about it.

A Man was talking about 'the Crow Father' and showing the new video he had posted online, along with the new music he and the crow's had made- called crow bop. His youtube channel already had five million subscribers and one billion views. Which wow. 

The blood god was trying to hold in laughter as the part where they chant 'blood for the blood god' pops up again clearing his throat.

Willow spots him waving and his tense smile melts away into something happier, Phil jogs over to them giving a bright smile of his own.

"Hey, Phil! How are you?" Willow asks him glancing over to the blood god and back to him.

"I'm good mate! You?" Philza asks unconsciously flicking his ears as he looked the Eagle hybrid over.

"I'm good! So you know Technoblade here?" Willow asks pointing to The Blood God, Phil furrows his brows confusedly looking at the intimidating man beside him.

"Wil! He doesn't know I'm a superhero!" The Blood God growls swatting the back of Willow's head earning a pained whine.

"Oops welp, this is that guy you've been seeing- Technoblade. ring any bells?" Wilbur continues with a grin ignoring the look The blood god sends his way.

"Wait Pretty Pink Haired man? That Technoblade?" Philza's eyes widen as he stares at The blood god- or Technoblade.

Willow bursts out in laughter and Technoblades eyes widen mouth popping open and face becoming ten times redder.

"I wouldn't say he's pretty" Willow cackles some more clutching his stomach.

"No Techno's absolutely gorgeous! You just don't understand true beauty, unlike us gods, for you are but a puny mortal" Philza crosses his arms shaking his head and tutting disappointingly towards the hero who stares baffled at him.

Technoblade snorts giving a grin as he stands beside Philza. "Yes, he is but a weak plebian Mortal, but we are thou god's, so kneel before us or perish in flames." 

Philza chuckles as Techno glares Willow challengingly.

The day follows normally afterward along with after work Philza and Technoblade go to McDonald's for dinner, Philza buys two twenty packs and two large fries for Ranboo and Micheal. Turn out it was good to get that much because Fundy came over and Micheal didn't eat many thanks to his tiny body and ended up watching cartoons as Philza, Fundy, and Ranboo laughed in the kitchen.

Chapter Text

Philza screeches before brutally smashing a gangster's head into a wall, painting the wall with a vibrant red. He ducks to avoid an ax swing and guts the woman with his talons, killing her in seconds.

Philza glances around before kraaing loudly at someone attempting to escape, darting forward and tearing their throat out with his new claws. He pulled out a gun from his hoister and shot two men through the eyes before diving out the window and climbing up the building's side. Quackity was sitting there, playing on his phone waiting for him to finish.

He hurries over, throwing Quackity over his shoulder and vaulting himself off the building, and gliding down to another rooftop. Quackity doesn't so much as flinch as he scrolls through Twitter before switching back to his zombie game.

Phil pulls out his minigun and starts blasting gang members that were shooting at them from below, quickly taking out six guys.

Phil lands on the roof, setting Big Q down and returning fire via grenade, ducking and shielding Quackity from the blast before continuing to gunmen, women, and non-binaries down with a machine gun.

Quackity silently cheers as he opens a loot box and gets some gems before switching back to his base and sending some people to attack someone else's base while he upgrades his. Phil caws and points to someone trying to sneak up on Big Q. A few crows fly down and start clawing the woman's eyes out, earning blood-curdling screams.

A few dings come from Quackity's phone and he cheers a little louder than before switching to discord and sending Schlatt a sexy pic he had taken earlier before going to a different game and collecting stuff from his farm.

Phil ducks and rolls away from a man attempting to claw at him with his bear-like hands, the Crow Father yanks out a shotgun and blasts the non-binary's brains out before shooting another guy who tried sneaking up behind him.

Philza groans, popping his back, before lifting Quackity over his shoulder once more and taking off into the sky. Flying a few dozens of miles away, he drops Big Q off at his mansion, gently setting him down (despite the verb used).

"Thanks, Crow Daddy! Here's yo money- just sent it to your bank account! Thanks for taking me home, see you later Big P!" Quackity grins, patting Philza on the back before skipping inside, the front door closing behind him.

Phil took back off into the air, heading back home. He perches on a streetlamp and watches Ranboo and Micheal run over buildings, sniping people and giggling.

Philza lets out a proud chirp before blasting back up into the air and going over to the other side of the city and landing down onto a building.

He stretches his back once more before plopping himself down onto the building's edge. He sat there for a minute, enjoying the chilly night air blowing against his feathers.

Phil pulls a wing closer to his front and starts carding his talons, much better suited for preening, into his feathers. He gently digs his claws into the stems and carefully straights them out and gets all of the dirt and bad things out.

After about an hour Ranboo tells him that he and Micheal had a good night and that they’re heading back home to sleep. He gives them an affirmative and moves onto his other wing.

After another hour he gets up to leave only to be stopped when a voice calls out.

"Crow Father, long time no see!"

Crow Father turns to face Willow and Raccooninnit. Willow's eyes were watching him carefully, as is if expecting him to pounce at any moment. Raccooninnit looks angsty and seemed to be having trouble keeping still.

"Ah, yes. Hello!" Philza grins underneath his face mask, not all that comfortable with the anger and hate thrown his way by two people that tend to look at him warmly when at work.

"Alright- we're just gonna get straight to the fucking point!" Raccooninnit yelled out spreading his arms out in front of himself startling Phil every so slightly.

"Do you know Bird Talk?" The young man asked eyes narrowed and finger pointed accusingly at Philza.

"You mean Bird Communal or Crow Speech? Uhh, yes for both cases?" Phil says tilting his head and raising his eyebrows, even though the others can't see it.

"Uhhhhhhhm didn't know there were that many..." Raccooninnit deflated timidly before puffing back up.

"Well teach us shit! Or we'll turn you in and force you to teach us!" The young man ordered, crossing his arms and seemingly daring for Phil to protest.

"Uhm, aren't you kinda forcing me either way?" Phil asks tilting his head again, giving the others a deadpan voice.

"Shut the fuck up and say yes!" Raccooninnint ordered narrowing his eyes and glaring.

"Uh, sure? Why the fuck not." Phil shrugs nodding his head.

The heroes blink owlishly at him before grinning and high-fiving each other.

"Holy shit I can't believe it was this easy!" Willow grinned throwing his hands in the air excitedly.

"You only had to ask mate," Phil shrugs, crossing his arms as he watches the other two look at him in disbelief.

"Well, shit, who knew askin' politely would actually work?" Raccooninnit grinned still trying to process it.

Phil snorted before plopping himself back down but this time facing the two heroes.

"So when can we start?" Willow asks hurriedly like a little chick on Christmas morning.

"Awfully excited are we?" Phil asks with a playful grin.

"Oh, you have no idea how long me and this child have been trying to learn to speak bird!" Willow grins nodding his head enthusiastically.

Phil nods in understanding.

"Alright then, meet me here at Ten PM on Saturday," Phil says before standing up and getting ready to leave.

"Okay! See ya then Big C!" Raccooninnit grinned waving him off as he flies away and back to his little peeps waiting for him.

Chapter Text

Alright school has started! I'll not be able to update as much as i used to-(Not that i ever really posted :3)-  and will most definitely be taking a while to post on ANY of my stories TvT

But yeahhhh thought ya'll would like to know! :3

Feel free to share any fanart you might have based on this story or anything like that!

Chapter Text

Phil hurriedly slips on a collared shirt and some black dress pants and shoves his feet into black shoes, sprinting into the bathroom fixing his hair for the fifth time before hurrying into the kitchen where Ranboo, Micheal, and Fundy were sitting.

They looked up and grinned approvingly, Fundy nodded smirking, Ranboo gave two thumbs up with a smile of his own, and Micheal giggled, clapping his hands before running up and handing him a golden bracelet (That looked suspiciously similar to one of his shinies from his hoard).

"Thank M8!" He slips it on, rolling his sleeves to his elbows letting the beautifully crafted jewelry shine.

Micheal's eyes sparkled as he stared at it before squealing and running over to Ranboo, plopping down onto his lap and snagging Fundy's paper and starting to draw ignoring the loud 'Hey!' thrown his way.

Micheal finished spiting the Fox by scribbling over his drawing completely covering it.

Philza grinned before waving goodbye and opening the front door, going outside and making his way to the party that Technoblade had invited him to as his plus one.

Phil grinned to himself before hurrying his pace. Twitch landed on his shoulder with a tilt of their head.

"What's got Chick happy?" They asked him curiously, Phil gave his loyal companion a giddy grin.

"Techno asked me out on a date- sorta anyway. He invited me some superhero convention thingy." Philza says shrugging before pausing.

"Wait a second... I'm The Crow father...And I'm technically dating the number one hero?" He says out loud staring at Twitch who looked back with that startling realization.

They cackled before flying off leaving him to stumble through his thoughts with no one to help him.

After a few minutes, he made it to the train station hopping onto the one that led too ######.

After an hour the train stops and opens its doors, letting him and other people out to go about their business. Phil looks around before spotting a fancy electric car and making his way towards it.

Technoblade steps out of the driver's seat and Philza almost trips when his eyes land on the man before him.

Techno was wearing his mask (for obvious reasons) but instead of his usual Hero outfit, he wore a white-colored shirt, a red vest with his signature red cloak on top. Black dress pants with black and red heels. He wore his shining golden crown on his head with sparkling jewels crafted beautifully.

Technoblade was wearing multiple golden dangly earrings, a few golden rings on his tusks, he had a ring on each of his fingers, some had emeralds, some had diamonds, some had amethysts. He had a fluffy thing instead of a necktie that was a deep red.

He had two sheaths strapped at his hips carrying his sword and ax. A long fancy braid trailed down his back, gold and ruby flowers were woven into the man's hair, The man looked like a king. 

Regal and Beautiful.

Phil was drooling.

Thankfully, Technoblade was also drooling.

Phil closed his mouth and cleared his throat feeling his face heat up.

"Uh hello, Techno. You look handsome" Phil says stepping forward so they were face to face, Techno's face heats up t the comment and he gives a shy smile in return.

"You too- er uhhhh I mean you also look handsome." Technoblade stutters before silently groaning with his ears pressed against his head in embarrassment.

Phil laughed waving the man's brain dead moment off and stepping over to the other side of the car, letting himself in. He buckled himself and waited for the other to start up the car, they zoomed off down the road passing cars as they went.

Philza raised an eyebrow and the other just gave a smirk before pressing the pedal-to-the-metal! (Hah yeahhh Phil's lame with them old shit, so sue him)

"Isn't this illegal mate?" Philza yells over the blaring vroom of the vehicle, Techno just keeps on going as if it were a perfectly normal thing.

"I'm above the law, Phil!!!!!!" Technoblade roars cackling like a maniac, Phil soon joins him as they race past cars to their destination.

They finally slow to a stop and Techno turns off the engine before getting out, Phil follows suit and turns around before staring wide-eyed at the building they were beside.

Quackity's casino.

Or otherwise known as the Golden Man's Casino.

Yeah, Quackity had a persona outside of his actual villain self as a non-leader-board hero. He doesn't do shit hero-wise, he's probably only still a hero because of how rich he is honestly.

Errr... well he's kinda confusing himself right now. Quackity is himself, no mask whatsoever causing chaos and mass destruction letting everyone see his scarred face. While Golden Man is him WITH a mask, He basically paid the government off to let him be a hero but he doesn't actually do anything hero-wise.

In fact, Philza doesn't even know WHY Quackity wanted to be a hero, When he asked the fellow bird hybrid the other just said "Because it's fun, I also get to have threesomes with schlat and the president"

Oh and 'Golden Man' doesn't host parties either.

So it's quite a surprise that The hero party shin-dig is happening here.

Technoblade sees his look and sighs, nodding in seemingly understanding. "Yeah I know, Sucks we have to go here with a 'hero' that doesn't do shit except paying the government. But as a hero- and the good Number One Hero I have to go for publicity and all that good stuff. Thought it would be more fun with you here." 

"Oh no, It's perfectly fine Tech! I was just surprised it was here you know?" Ah no, it's just Quackity is probably going to prank call of the strongest heroes and blow the building up.

Techno offers a smile before offering his arm for Phil who wrapped his arm around the others, Techno pushed Philza's arm to his chest much to Phil's Surprise but he smiles at the nervous Pig hybrid and turns to the building. 

Before they go Techno hands him a green and black mask that covers up his eyes, and Phil takes it gratefully. (It's smart to hide his identity from the public so he isn't harassed, and it looks absolutely nothing like his villain mask so it's fine)

They make their way over and after a few seconds, they hear the excited gasps of the crowd before the cameras start flashing and the noise grows.

"Blood God! Is this your secret lover?"

"THE BLOOD GOD ARE YOU GAY!?"

"Blood God! do you support LGBT relationships!"

"What is it like to be the Blood God's lover!?" 

Phil and Techno both ignore the reporters and Technoblade flips off one that made a homophobic comment which if even possible made them even louder.

They were finally inside of the building and both sighed in relief as the doors closed behind them. Security guards stood watch by the doors, making sure that no one snuck inside.

Heroes and rich people lined the walls, Phil saw Fundy and Willow staring awkwardly at each other in a corner so Phil decided to head that way.

"Dad, come on. We've already talked about this! Just sign the damn papers." Foxy growled lowly so no one would be able to hear them- well unless you have exceptionally good hearing, like Philza.

Willow frowned furrowing his brows and opened his mouth to make a retort but he spotted Philza and Technoblade.

Fundy noticed them as well and handed the papers he had been trying to shove at willow only moments ago into Phil's hands.

"Phil convince Wilbur that you would make a better dad than him! Get him to sign the paperrrrrsssssss," Fundy whined throwing his head back and groaning.

Philza's eyes widen and he looks up at Willow's confused face. "Wait, WILLOW'S your father!?" Philza asks mouth dropping open.

"Yeah, but not for long. I'm seventeen so if you don't sign this and make yourself my legal guardian I'll just disown him on my eighteenth birthday." Fundy says glaring at Willow how shrinks back before his head pops up as relaxation appears.

"Wait- YOU are the one who's trying to adopt Fundy? MY SON!" Wilbur exclaims quietly throwing his hands up.

Techno's mouth drops open and he quietly says 'drama' before slipping away moon-walk style.

"Well, I hadn't known it was you! Errr, but, well..." Phil tries but fails to make up an excuse.

"B-but Fundy's my son! You-you-" Willow stumbles with his words, trying to find something hurtful to say but also knowing that Philza's a 'sweetheart' and not wanting to ruin their friendship.

Willow slouches in defeat looking between him and Fundy.

He sighs nodding and taking the papers and grabbing a pen from his pockets.

"Is this what you really want Funds?" Fundy looked surprised but after a few seconds, he nods resolutely, his shoulders tense. Phil raises a comforting hand onto the fox's back feeling the teen relax under his touch.

Wilbur nods signing the papers and handing them to Phil who grabs both the pen and papers, signing his own full name before handing them to Fundy who smiles brightly as he looks through them.

Fundy hugs Phil and Wilbur much to the Eagle's surprise and runs over away to who-knows-where.

They stand there in awkward silence for a few minutes before Phil finally speaks up.

"I really didn't know it was you mate, I thought his parent wouldn't care and would just hand him over or something," Phil says trying to explain.

Willow winces but nods understandingly. "I'm sorry you felt the need to. I've been so drowned in work that I made the same mistake my own father did and neglected my child."

Phil nods in understanding as well, remembering how he accidentally neglected his own children being so drowned in work that he hadn't as much as had a second thought on how his children felt.

"Yeah, It's difficult being a parent," Philza says frowning before looking up at Willow who looked just as lost as him.

"But everyone makes mistakes, I'm sorry that this happened. But I'll do my best to be there for Fundy whenever he needs it. Besides you two still, work together, and I'm sure the two of you can mend your relationship over time." Philza states with a soft smile, Willow blinks at him before nodding and giving a grateful smile of his own before walking away.

Philza's smile drops once Willow is out of sight.

If his kids spoke up would he have tried to be a better parent for them? Why didn't they speak up and tell him that they felt the need for more attention? Where are his sons now?

His line of thought abruptly ends when Schlatt bumps into him with a feral grin.

But the most intriguing part is that he isn't wearing a mask.

Ahhhhh, so this is why Quackity had the party here.

"How would you feel about being my hostage, Philza Minecraft?" Jschlatt grins, throwing an arm around his shoulder.

Phil laughs grinning at the other.

"I would be more than happy to be your hostage"

Schlatt took out a gun and pressed it to his head, but Phil knew the other wouldn't even think about pulling the trigger. 

Gasps were heard throughout the room and Phil quickly changed his face to a scared and tense expression.

Badboyhalo and Skeppy took steps forward threateningly having recognized him as the hostage almost immediately, the Dream Team stepped forward next with Technoblade AKA The Blood God, Willow, Bee, and Raccooninnit in tow.

Dream steps forward closer than the others menacingly dipping his head, his hand settled on the handle of his sword.

"Let him go Jschlatt" Sapnap hissed, glaring at the ram hybrid behind Phil.

Raccooninnt and Bee step closer as well baring their teeth and glaring holes into Philza and Schlatt's head.

"Wow! I hadn't known that this handsome guy was so important to all of the top heroes! Must be my lucky day!" Schlatt cackled giddily, god he was going to get so much teasing after this.

The Blood God takes a few steps forward, but Jschlatt presses the gun ever so slightly closer to Phil's head, freezing Techno in place.

"Now, now Blood God! I wouldn't do that if I were you~" Jschlatt says, and just for the hell of it, he gives Phil a nice smooch on the cheek.

If they weren't roleplaying Phil would skin his nuts.

Techno makes an animalistic growl along with other hybrids making not-so-jealous-and-possessive animal noises.

"Wow! I saw you and this gorgeous guy out front! Are you two REALLY dating! Wow, the Boi's and I are going to have fun with this later~" Everyone in the room froze in fear, not fully knowing what he meant but only thought the worst, while Philza was really just dreading all of the teasing he was going to get later.

Hopefully, Sam wouldn't try and kill Techno. 

Then Jschlatt starts villain monologuing.

Okay, Phil's getting bored now.

SO mid-speech Phil kicks Schlatt right where the sun doesn't shine.

He throws his head back dodging the bullet and smacking Schlatt on the back of the head.

Win-win if you ask him. Kicking ass and going on a date with a hot hero, even if they didn't spend much time together.

Philza then turns around swiping the ram's legs out from under him and sprints across the room to Raccooninnit. Behind him the In-Between teleports inside and grabs Schlatt before teleporting back out.

Immediately he's swarmed with heroes and a jealous and frightened Technoblade clinging to him like he'll disappear if he even looks away for a millisecond.

Now if Phil wasn't preening from beating the shit out of Schlatt he would feel bad for making the Pig hybrid so worried.

Chapter Text

Phil walks down the alleyways getting closer and closer to his destination.

He feels eyes on his back staring at his wings and tail as if he were a prize to be claimed.

They thought he was fragile.

They thought he was Pretty.

They thought he was ignorant.

They thought he was Needy.

They thought he was Weak.

And they were wrong.

And they would die tonight.

Even if it was the last thing that Phil did.

He already left a letter home to let his peeps know he was on a dangerous mission, he let his villain friends know he was on a life-threatening mission.

He didn't tell his hero friends anything of course.

Phil heard footsteps behind him.

They were getting closer.

He heard his mistress' wings beat loudly.

He couldn't wait to rip her wings from her body.

She took everything from him.

So he would take away the only thing she cared about.

He stopped in the middle of an empty street waiting for them to catch up.

He turned his head, Kristen and XD were standing there.

Waiting for him to give up.

Waiting for him to willingly give himself to them.

But that would never happen.

Phil blasts into the air sending bullets blazing down onto the two creatures who covered themselves with their wings like idiots.

They haven't been around much in this golden era.

They didn't know what guns were.

Now they do.

He hears their pained grunts as green and Black blood seeps from their wounds.

He takes his sword out zooming doom and cutting at the goddesses wing effectively cutting off his primary feathers on her left wing.

She can't fly now.

She was grounded.

Just as she had done to him all those years ago.

He swoops forward once more, slicing off her other wings feathers before flying off into the sky.

Ex Dee teleported beside him swinging one of his many thorned wings at him but Phil ducked.

Philza swooped back down aiming for the killing blow but She put up a void shield blocking him completely.

He quickly flew away not wanting to get stuck in the blackness.

She pushed the ooze towards him, he dodged flying away before it could take him.

He faked going right and turned left in the last seconds taking off the woman's head in one swift chop.

He grabbed her head and put it into his bag before turning to Ex Dee only to find the other gone.

Chapter Text

Phil laughed, throwing an arm around the creeper hybrid's shoulders, the other's face was flushed a deep green and the other quickly tried to hide the picture but everyone else had already seen it.

"Oooooooh~ So Sammy has a boyfriend~ Ponk's his name? So what's his game?" Quackity rhymes badly but Karl still laughs at it as if it's the funniest thing in the world.

“Speaking of boyfriends~ Phil also has a boyfriend!" Jschlat exclaims proudly crossing his arms and grinning devilishly at Phil who glared in response.

Sam slowly turns his head towards the Crow father in hatred, his eyes burning with a look that promises blood and war to whoever invoked his wrath.

"Sam- Sammy- Sam it's fine! I was going to tell you- Hey if you start anything you will be such a fucking hypocrite! HEY STOP THAT! GET THAT LOOK OFF YOUR FACE THIS INSTANT!"

Phil is now on Sam's back getting swung around the room while the creeper hybrid tries to fling him off, ordering the others to tell him who Philza's boyfriend is.

Let's say it wasn't pretty when Schlat bahhed out "The blood God '' in fear for his life.

Afterward, Philza had to stop a six-almost-seven-foot-tall creeper hybrid from committing mass genocide.

Protective Bff Much.

--------------------------------

Philza screams as he's flung around the tower for the third time, He claws at the slime that was wrapped around his waist as if he were a toy easy to be flung across the room.

"HELP MEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!" Phil screams again as he's flung halfway across the city before being abruptly swung back in the other direction. He passed by Willow who was heading towards slimecicle (who was the cause for all this ruckus) direction with Raccooninnit by his side.

They paused their conversation to stare at him as he flew by (Still screaming) and simply blinked before going back to their conversation when he was out of their sight.

"FUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK YYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!" He screeches flipping them off as he's flung into a building.

Eret floats over to him blasting the slime that was connected to Slimecicle and freeing him.

"Thank you, Eret! You are my savior" Phil kneeled before the ultimate being falling onto his hands and knees and kissing Erets shiny knee-high boots.

They laughed at his antics and lifted him up before flying back off to blast a hole through an enormous building. Philza straightened himself, took out his foldable rocket launcher that defies physics, and started shooting.

--------------------------

Skeppy pranked him.

Skeppy put something into his coffee.

And Philza never realized just how truly beautiful Skeppy's boyfriend was until then.

And now he's clinging to Bad's side, gazing into the demon's beautiful star white eyes.

As pure as moonlight.

Oooh, that one was good! He should say it out loud!

"Bad, Your eyes are as pure as Moonlight, Brighter than all the stars in the sky. You are beautiful, a God amongst men." Philza said aloud continuing to drool over The demon's muscular and well-fit body.

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO DADZA!?" Willow yelled waving his hands about toward Phil before pulling at his hair in panic.

"It was meant to be a harmless prank! I was planning on making him look at a bird or his reflection! I didn't know Bad would walk in at that exact moment he drank it!" Skeppy yelled back looking three seconds away from ripping Philza off of his boyfriend.

"You're so dead when the Blood god finds out" Captain snorted at Fundy's off-handed comment, they both took a sip of their coffee as the realization came upon his face quickly replaced with horror.

"YOUR FUCKED!" Willow screeched with a hysterical giggle, Bad gave a small language while politely pushing Philza's face as far away from his own as he could.

Philza swerved away from his hands and slid gracefully onto the tallers lap, a rose mysteriously appeared in his hand as he wiggled his eyebrows and purred up at the demon with a suggestive grin on his face.

"How about me and you make some little muffins back at my place~" Phil purred, a chirp threatening to make its way out of his mouth as he gazed up at the sexy demon in front of him whose mouth was dropped open and face red.

He hears a few people choke on their coffee and spit their drinks out but paid them no mind.

"You need to fix him, Skeppy! OR TECHNOBLADE WILL MURDER YOU!" Snapnap screeched, shaking Skeppy by the shoulders in a blind panic.

Dream and George kneeled making prayers for the diamond golem hybrid with solemn faces.

Fundy and Wilbur soon joined him right as Technoblade came into the office looking around confusedly.

Bad snapped his head up and paled quickly trying to shake Phil off who only clung harder.

"What did I miss?" Techno asked awkwardly, his ears tilting back as the piglin surveyed the scene in front of himself.

When no one spoke, Willow stood and cleared his throat anxiously to speak. " Skeppy gave Phil a love potion and so Dadza kinda has a thing for Bad at the moment, should hopefully wear off in a few hours. well, or until Skeppy gets a cure. I don't know."

Techno slowly turned his head towards Skeppy who screeched and jumped out the window as an ax flew into the wall where his head had been.

------------------------

Phil gazed out of the window, gaze blank as he stared at nothing. And everything. All at once.

Dream stared at him, seemingly unnerved by what was happening.

Snapnap walked in and paused giving a curious look to Dream to find the man just as puzzled, Snapnap walked over to the smiley-faced hero.

"Is Phil Okay?" Snapnap whispered, giving concerned glances at the man who still had yet to move.

"He hasn't blinked in the past ten minutes." Dream answers then continue's, "I'm not even sure if that's humanly possible."

George then walks in, looking at Phil for a few seconds before turning to look at Dream and snapnap, he turns back to Phil before walking out.

After a few seconds Willow, The blood god, Racooninnit and Bee come in with curious looks on their faces.

"He hasn't blinked in eleven minutes" Dream answers them, earning very concerned raised eyebrows.

Bee skips over to Phil waving his hand in front of Phil's face and when nothing happens he buzzes loudly into Philza's ear.

Nothing happens.

Bee skips back over to them shrugging.

They hear someone walk out of the bathroom and they turn to see George.

He blinks at them tilting his head.

"Oh! You got Phil to move?" He asks, they turn back to look at Phil, the older man had his eyes closed.

They turn back to look at George only to find The brown-haired man had seemingly walked over to Dream which gave them all a minor jump scare.

"Okay, this is getting weird," Raccooninnit says.

The lights flicker.

They turn back to look at Phil to see if the man moved.

He was gone.

The lights flicker again.

They turn back to look at the bathroom door.

The lights flicker off.

"What the fucks with these lights!?" Willow yells.

The lights turn back on.

Philza's standing in the doorway.

They all scream, jumping closer and curling around each other.

Techno and Dream swear they didn't scream.

Chapter Text

Kitty.

Kitty Kitty.

Kitty Kitty Kitty.

Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty.

Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty.

Kitty Cult.

Kitty Cult.  Kitty Cult.

 Kitty Cult.Kitty Cult. Kitty Cult.

Kitty Cult. Kitty Cult.

Kitty Cult.

Kitty Cult.  Kitty Cult.

Kitty Cult. Kitty Cult.                            Kitty Cult.

Kitty Cult.

Kitty Cult.

Kitty Cult.

Kitty Cult.Kitty Cult.

Kitty Cult.                    Kitty Cult.

 Kitty Cult. Kitty Cult.

            Kitty Cult.

 Kitty Cult.                        Kitty Cult.

Kitty Cult.

Kitty Cult. Kitty Cult.

Phil was doing Kitty Cult Tiktok.

He was made general to the kitty cult.

He did not want to join.

But they have shown him the light.

They now have over thirty thousand members.

Kitty Cult is life.

If not part of Kitty Cult then you must die.

That is the sad part of life.

But you are kitty cult.

OR DEATH.

This was how Philza found himself in kitty ears standing in the middle of a mob of people with kitty ears and katana's.

He stared up at Racooninnits horrified face and stared blankly.

Before he meowed, drawing the attention of the entire crowd.

he points at the hero who looks around in alarm as hundreds of heads turn to stare at him.

They all suddenly screech climbing, jumping and running towards the Young hero who screams, calling for backup before taking off to the sky.

Chapter Text

Alright, so turns out, that a villain had drugged the water supply….

So that explains the kitty cult thing!

Butttt back to his current task!

Philza looks around with a furrow of his brow, he walks around the market with his hand stuffed into his pocket.

Glancing about the shelves, He sighs and walks over to the food aisle, pushing the cart along with him, Ranboo vrrps and grabs a box of chocolate cookies lifting it towards him questioningly. Philza nods and grabs the box, putting it beside Micheal who was sitting in the cart, playing with his new Technoblade action figure.

Philza pursed his lips, and grabbed peanut butter, Mayonnaise, butter, Grape and Strawberry jelly. Then he leaves the Isle and heads over to the Dairy section, grabbing milk, yogurt and cheese before swiping a gallon of ice cream and hiding it from the children’s gaze. 

He grabs some iced tea, and then heads to the counter to check out his items.

He had gotten food, drinks, sweets, clothes, bathroom niceties and most importantly, toys.

He pays for the stuff, and then he, Fundy and Ranboo haul off their things to the apartment, with Micheal holding a gun to protect them if anyone tries to mug them.

Of course he hid it in his coat and was sitting on top of Philza’s shoulders.

Snow was softly falling, Lighting everything around them in a beautiful way, even in the dark dreary city.

Philza smiles, pushing all of his bags into one hand, then taking out his phone and snapping a picture of all of them before quickly putting it away.

After a little while they're back at the apartment, putting things in the fridge and shelves. After that they make popcorn and watch movies. The crows were allowed inside too and joined them, feasting on popcorn and soda.

Probably not very healthy for a bird actually.

—-----------------------

Philza yawns, sleepily stumbling out of the elevator with dozens of coffee’s in hand, he hands them out, giving them to everyone it's meant for.

Techno walks past him before stopping and walking over to him. “Hi, Uhm… Are you alright? That… uh Date didn’t go so well did it?” 

His ears were flat against his head, his ruby red eyes looking everywhere and anywhere other than him.

“Oh! If you’re talking about my hostage situation that was perfectly fine! I’m quite used to it! But what did piss me off was that you ditched me as soon as we entered.” Philza frowns, hands on his hips as he glares up at the Piglin who shrinks away under his gaze.

“Sorry, I didn't want to be a part of Wilbur’s family drama….” Techno says quietly, his ears twitching.

Gos Phil had the urge to cuddle the giant fluff ball and play with his floppy ears.

“Oh well you're involved now! You're my potential lover and Fundy is becoming my child, I’m adopting him soon.” Philza states, shrugging his shoulders, he hears some people choke on their coffee, most definitely listening in on their conversation.

“W-What!?” Techno rears back his voice filled with shock.

“Yep! I’m also adopting another young man! I think you’d get along with him actually! Of and Ranboo- the other child I’m adopting also has a child! SO I’m already a grandparent! Ahhh yes! Now I can spoil the little shit as I see fit! HEHEE!” Philza grabs his chin and strokes it, giggling evilly to himself as he thinks about all the sweets he will surely feed the little piglin.

Techno’s mouth dropped open, staring at him in shock. Before shaking his head.

“I thought you were the sane one here, Looks like I was wrong.” Techno say’s sombernly, shaking his head once more.

“HAH! You thought wrong hot stuff!” Philza laughed happily, wiggling his brows at the piglin who’s ears turned a dark red.

“Phhhhhiiiiiiiiillllllllllll come on! DO OUR PAPERWORK!!!!!!” Raccooninnit yelled, grabbing him and yanking him to his and bee’s office.

“I’m not doing your paperwork Raccoon.” Philza states, crossing his arms sternly.

“Pleaaaaaaaasssssssssseeeeeeeee?” Raccooninnit asks, trying to give him puppy eyes.

“No, Now leave me alone! I was flirting!” Phil groans, pushing the child away, opening the door and being met with Georgenotfound.

“Ooooh- uhh heyyyyyy! George! Nice to see you!” Phil says awkwardly, coughing into his arm and giving the slime hero a bright grin.

“Hello, We’ve reason to believe that Willow, Raccooninnit and Bee’s father is alive. He had a feather that came from his father's wings and ran a DNA test with it. Sadly we couldn’t get a match digitally but we have someone with a quirk that allows them to track down the person the DNA is from. They have tracked him down to this building, but we sadly can’t seem to do any more than that.” Georgenotfound tell’s them, Phil blinks and nods stupidly, and after a few moments of silence Raccooninnit and Bee scream, racing out of the room and into the hallway, most likely going to Wilbur. The mooshroom hybrid expertly twisted out of the way to not be trampled.

“Oh! That's great! Why did Wilbur think his dad was dead?” Philza asked, tilting his head to the side.

Georgenotfound shook his head. “Private information, he didn’t even tell me.”

Phil nods with a frown.

“Also, we have reason to believe that his dad is also Crow Father. The feathers we have collected from both Crow Father and Willow's father are the same, we’re running blood samples now.”

Dun, dun, DUNNNNNNN

Shut the fuck up

Chapter Text

Techno frowns, watching Wilbur fully explain to Tubbo and Tommy what was going on, giving the two teenagers a proper explanation. 

Wilbur had only told a select number of people the full details, Fundy, Karl, Dream, Bad, him and now Tubbo and Tommy. 

They had managed to get DNA from the crow father, they had a few of his feathers, and a blood sample.

Techno sighed, watching Tommy bounce for joy, grinning broadly. He turned around and made his way to The teenagers office, where Philza would hopefully be.

And just what he had hoped, the older man was indeed there. Texting quickly, Techno heard sharp ‘taps’ from hos much force he was putting into it that were almost impossible for his fleshy fingers to be doing,

He was about to comment but Philza noticed his presence and his head snapped up towards him with an inhuman speed.

“Oh! Hey mate, What do you need?” Philza say’s, relaxing his shoulders and typing a few last things before putting it away into his pocket.

Techno’s ears twitch in embarrassment, just now realizing that he came here because his animalistic instincts wanted him to cuddle with his mate…. THEY WEREN’T EVEN OFFICIALLY BOYFRIENDS YET!

“Oh uh, Honestly, I just wanted to relax y'know?” Techno say’s, trying to stay calm as he slides onto the couch beside Phil, His thigh against Phil’s.

“Heh! Okay mate, wanna watch cat videos? Or you wanna watch ‘pussy’ cat videos?” Philza asks, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Bruuuuh.” Techno drawls out, forcing himself to not giggle, Phil breaks out into a fit of giggles before taking out his phone.

Techno catches sight of the screen before Phil switches tabs, The texting name said ‘Awe-sam-dude, But he wasn’t able to see much of their conversation.

The name itself was a worrying thing.

But maybe it was just Phil being weird.

So technoblade won’t think much about it.

Hopefully.

Hey! Wait no can we go back ten seconds! I wanna get a screenshot!

Heyyyyy lore.

SOMETHING INTERESTING!

Does Philza have a character arccccccc

Or is Philza just the protagonist’s lover?

Wait, is Phil a background character!

Wait! Is phil the sweet lovable dad who is killed to give the main character is tragic backstory OWO

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

NO MY BIRB MAN!

PHIL CAN’T DIE! Techno doesn’t even know his secret yet!

What the fuck were the voices talking about?

Phil and him then end up watching a bunch of cat videos, laughing at the stupid fluffy little critters, then they watch dog video’s, then bird ones.

God Techno was now scared of birds.

—------------------

After work Techno and Philza got coffee, they watched a movie at the theater and had dinner together.

Techno was feeling as light as a feather, happier than he’s ever been, He laughed more this night than he has in the past month. 

They giggled, leaning against one another giddily, they stumbled into Techno’s apartment. They weren’t drunk with alcohol, just happiness, conry he knows.

Techno leads them to his room, plopping down onto the bed with a giggle, Philza plops beside him, before leaning forward, and stroking his cheek.

Techno freezes, his face heating up as he then notices just how close their faces were.

“May I kiss you?” Phil whispers, his eyes lidded with lust, cheeks flushed and lips parted.

Techno closes his mouth and swallows, before licking his lips and nodding.

Their lips touched, sparks flying through his eyelids, it felt as if time slowed, Technoblade felt Philza’s warmth seep through him like a comforting fire on a chilly day, sipping hot cocoa with your family.

When they parted they were breathless, gazing into one another's eyes.

Philza climbs onto him, straddling his hips and opening his shirt.

“May I?” Phil asks, looking down at him, the room was dimly lit, and what little light there was, it showed Philza in a supernatural way, illuminating his face and body beautifully, like a god.

Techno nodded, tilting his head to get a better look at Philza.

Phil leans down, kissing his lips and then moving down, kissing his jaw, neck, and then his chest.

Techno squealed when Philza brushed his crotch, an embarrassed flush came to Technoblades face, Philza laughed, a silly smile falling into place.

Phil leaned back down, Techno decided to touch as well, caressing Philza’s muscled back, before taking his cloak off.

Panic flashed in Philza’s eyes and a white flash lit up the room, Techno blinked and his eyes widened at what he saw.

Philza had feathers all over him. Also a tail.

Chapter Text

As soon as Technoblade saw, Philza leaped into action, following Dream's footsteps and speed-running while massively panicking; bouncing off the bed and over towards the window, throwing it open.

After a split-second decision he grabs Technoblade, throwing him back onto the bed, quickly taking off his shirt, revealing the binding covering his chest and stomach.

Philza hurriedly threw the binding off, letting his large, majestic wings flap free. Technoblade's eyes were wide and shocked from his place on the bed. 

He grabs his classic skull mask and throws it onto his face, then puts the pig mask on Technoblade, just in case.

Then Phil quickly grabs Technoblade, carrying him bridal style (Though the piglin was HEAVY). Then he jumps out the window, earning a terrified squeak.

He hurriedly dove, swooped, and flapped his wings heading towards his apartment, but nope! Of course something then happened.

Fucking Badboyhalo and Skeppy were chasing Quackity, who was gliding away, shooting at them and looking like he needed help.

“CROW DADDY! HELP!” Quackity yelled, shooting at Bad again, Bad shot back at him, the Chicken hybrid barely able to dodge in time.

“WAIT IS THAT THE BLOOD GOD! WERE YOU IN THE MIDDLE OF KIDNAPPING A HERO!!!!!!?????” Quackity screeches, his eyes wide and giddy.

Even if Phil could speak he didn’t know what to say. He didn’t have his voice modulator on, they could probably record him and track him down. Although now Technoblade, the number one hero knew what his secret identity was.

Phil was overflowing with panic at the moment, and was extremely scared of what could possibly happen.

He wanted his peeps, and flockmates.

“TE--BLOOD GOD!” Bad yelled, rushing over to Philza.

Techno screamed as Philza plunged down towards the streets, Bad hot on his tail, he swooped up at the last moment ,lifting off into the air and heading towards Quackity. 

Quackity grabs hold of his tail with wide eyes, looking up at Phil with confusion and surprise. Philza swooped away from Skeppy who threw sharp shards of diamond at them, which could easily split through them and leave a large gaping whole. Not to mention, Philza wasn’t wearing a shirt, and obviously didn’t have armor and zero weapons 

But Philza did have his claws. They didn’t do well against ranged weapons though.

Philza tensed as he caught sight of dark brown hair, a black and purple crown glittering in the moonlight.

What… But, She was dead! It must have been a trick of the light…..

Philza scorned himself for getting off track, he had two lives in his hands! If he fucked up they could all die!

Philza makes an angry chatter noise before cawing loudly, Asking his flock for help.

Moments later Crows fly in, pecking and scratching both Bad and Skeppy.

Philza picked up speed, ducking into an alleyway, twisting his body to make room for the three of them.

He flew out of the alleyway, and continued ducking, swooping and speeding his way back to the apartment.

Philza slams into his apartment door, doing his best to shield his passengers, a few seconds later the door is thrown open and Fundy grabs him, yanks him inside (Philza did most of the moving though) and shuts the door quickly behind them.

“Ranboo, grab the rope from the closet and bring it here. Fundy grab a chair and set it in the middle of the room. Quackity, make sure he doesn’t get anywhere, I need to grab something from the bedroom.” Philza orders, They all immediately get to work, grabbing the requested items and bringing it into the living room. Technoblade seemingly passed out from shock on the way there, which was good….

Philza quickly ran into the bedroom, throwing a shirt on and grabbing a gun, a few knives and a small attachable item.

Phil hurries back into the living room, before tilting Technoblades head up and putting the attachment on his neck, pushing a button and watching it light up green.

Phil grabbed the rope from Ranboo and quickly secured Techno to the chair. Philza sighed and hurried back to the bedroom, grabbing his Polygraph machine and trotted back to the living room, quickly setting everything up.

He sticks wires to the Pig hybrid before him, groaning once he was finished.

“Phil was going on?” Fundy asks, fear and confusion in his eyes as he stares at Techno and Quackity.

“Phil… Is this where you live? Why are kids here?” Quackity asks as well, his usually happy, mischievous and sly face now concerned.

“I'll explain… But first we should rest, eat, and collect ourselves before talking”

—----------------------------------

Philza sips his coffee, not having taken his eye off the still form of his boyfriend since they got there. Only needing to take his gaze away to do his business in the bathroom.

“So?” Fundy asked with a frown, his ears stood straight as he stared at Technoblade blankly.

“Ahhhh, Well I hadn’t meant to kidnap him! He saw my feathers! It was either capture him or book it!” Philza says, waving his free hand about with a grimace, Fundy looked away and in the corner of His view he could see Techno’s ears twitch and his face contorting into a frown at his words.

But yeah, Philza wasn’t sure what he’s been seeing lately is reality or hallucination, so he won’t dwell on that.

“How did he see them?” Fundy asked, his brows lowering angrily.

“Uhhhh, We…Uhm…. Were getting carried away….. In his bed…. And I hadn’t thought about clothes…..” Philza replies, clearing his throat as his face flushes.

“Holy shit crow daddy! You were gonna fuck the BLOOD GOD!! Wow! What was it like! Is he big? He suck good? Is he a good kisser?” Quackity barreled him with questions. Philza flushed deeper and let out a small purr when the chicken asked.

Before cutting it off and if possible, flushing even deeper.

“Uhh,Uh uhhhh” Philza squawked, snapped his mouth shut with an audible click.

“Oh my fucking god,” Quackity grins. “You really ARE sweet on him! And here I thought Sam was being jelly for nothing!”

“Oi! Me And Sam and pretty much brothers! He was only being protective.” Philza explained, nodding his head firmly.

“Yeah I know, I know.” Quackity says with a grin and roll of his eyes.

“How’s you and Schlatt?” Philza asks, raising his brows.

Quackity grinned slyly, wiggling his eyebrows. “¡ai! mi papi cuervo! My man is VERY good at being a button when I ask, ``We're both switches, thank god, I don’t think either of us would have been able to do SHIT if one of us was a top, But yeah, My man is really damn good in bed.”

Philza gives him a wtf face and shakes his head.

“Jesus, I didn’t ask for your whole sex life!” Philza says, screwing his face up in playful disgust.

Quackity laughs, shaking his head, before turning serious.

“Okay, Now, Why are you living in a dump like this? You are literally a rich man! Why would you be in a place like this!? This is where rapists, druggies, gangs, and just the lowest of the low live man.” Quackity says seriously, which doesn’t doesn’t happen often.

“This is my territory, I keep the fuckers in line. Have you heard of any gang wars lately? Any territory trifles? Yeah, that's what I thought, that’s because of me, I keep this place under control, make it so the people stuck here aren’t completely screwed over. And I don’t know about you Quackity, but I’m the most wanted villain at the moment aside Schlatt and you, and the heroes don’t come here often, so it’s where I can stay safe.” Philza tells him, his eyes stern and tone somber as he explains his situation, and then he decides to be more honest. “Not to mention, that I’m being chased by some very dangerous individuals. They don’t think that I would come here where, “People of lower status reside”. And quite frankly, if I left this place, if I took my chicks away from here, they would be dead or used to threaten me within seconds.”

There was silence that lasted a few minutes, nothing but the angry shouting of people outside, the loud rush of traffic, and the cawing of crows.

“What… You're… You're the Crow Father, you're one the most dangerous things out there! How can you be that threatened? How have I never heard of them before? I have sources everywhere! Tell me” Quackity says, leaning forward with wide eyes.

Philza frowns, furrowing his brows and looking away.

“There's a reason you wouldn’t have heard of them….” Philza mutters before sighing and standing up.

“Now I believe we should talk with our guest, He’s quite clearly awake at this moment.” Philza turns professional, leaving no room for argument.

Quackity’s eyes widen and he grits his teeth before muttering. “We’ll continue this later.” He warns, before also standing and turning towards Technoblade, who lifted his head, watching them with steely red eyes.

Chapter Text

Philza sits across from his possibly (?) ex boyfriend, who stares blankly back.

He frowns, leaning back into his chair. He needs to think about what he would say, and what he would do, after all.

The heroes have actually hurt him quite badly; he remembers the time when he and Twitch were chilling after playing with a bird bath and Wilbur beat the shit out of him, and kraaed angrily.

Phil loved the chick, but he was a total dick.

Philza was petty, but he wasn’t an asshole.

And Technoblade hadn’t done anything to him,  so he wouldn’t hurt his mate.

Mate…

Phil hopes that Techno is still his mate after this…

“So, I will admit, I had not meant to kidnap you, or for you too see my…. Hybrid parts, but, well, instincts y'know? See something shiny and pretty, must take.” Philza says shrugging, he watches Techno’s face flame up at his words, he scooted about on his chair.

Phil smiled despite himself. “I do actually like you y’know mate, I didn’t even know that you were The Blood God when we had our first date.” 

Now it's Philza’s turn to blush as he recalls their first date, he had been very poor then, and had scarfed down as much as he could.

Wait a second….

He can show Techno all of his merch!

He’s been collecting!

Philza jumps up, startling the various Villains and Heroes in the room.

“Be back in a second love!” Philza says, pecking Techno on the cheek and hurrying over to his room, rifling through the warzone where pillows and blankets lay, most likely from a pillow fight.

He grabs a crate and hefts it up, hurrying back to the living room, he plops it down and rips it open, taking out the various pieces of merch out for them all to see.

“Oh my god…. You're a fanboy.” Quackity says, raising his brows in disbelief.

Fundy snorts, putting a hand over his mouth to stop himself from full out laughing.

“Shut the fuck up unless you want to be stripped of your clothes and have the words ‘I-am-the-birbs-bitch’ written on your back, then I’d suggest shutting the fuck up.” Philza warned, eyes steely and back ramrod straight.

A few of his crows were also inside, staring dead eyed at the hero and villain who shrank under their stare in fear. Quickly nodding their heads.

Philza grins showing Technoblade the red cape, the crown, the shirts, the plushies, literally every Blood God merch he had. Including some he had recently stolen.

After a while, he puts it away and gets back onto the chair, Quackity and Fundy leave the room, leaving Techno and Phil alone.

“So, I have a few questions for you.” Philza says, crossing his legs, stretching out his wings and tilting his head. The crows around him turn serious, perching and watching the scene unfold.

Ooooh! Drama!

FINALLY! We’ve all been waiting for this to happen

Get him talking!

Is this going to become a kinky thing? Should we give them privacy?

KILL HIM.

GET AS MUCH INFORMATION AS POSSIBLE! THEN SLIT HIS THROAT!’

Have Technoblade join us!

Phil tried blinking but found he couldn’t, ah, forgot he couldn’t blink anymore. Didn’t have eyelids. Wonder how the heroes didn't notice that he didn’t blink. Well, in all fairness, he forgot.

Techno narrows his eyes, keeping his face blank, Philza rolls his shoulders, leaning back. “How much progress has the Government made in tracing the DNA of the Crow Father?” 

Technoblade stiffens, but stays quiet.

“How much progress have they made in finding the Crow Father's base?” Philza tries again.

Technoblade stays silent.

“Do you know who the Crow Fathers' alliances are? Any estimates on how many? When do you believe his first time as the Crow Father was? When was his first sighting?” Philza kept throwing questions out there, hoping he’d get some traction, something.

Philza sighs his ears drooping in disappointment. “How about a compromise? You ask a question, I answer, then I ask a question, and you answer. Deal?”

Techno sucks in his lower lip, or as much as he can with his tusks in the way, before nodding.

“Alright! Ask away!” Philza grins, relaxing in his chair, hand fiddling with a knife on his belt.

Techno’s face was stone, his voice even as he spoke. “Were you trying to infiltrate HHQ?” 

“No, actually, I just needed the money. Only job with decent pay, do you know how hard it is to just keep the water running? The government has its taxes way too high up for the people in the slums. The rents are higher up here than in the damn middle class in some places! And we can’t go to the higher zones because we look too poor, and we need a proper background, yada yada.” Philza answers, grimacing as he remembers trying to get an apartment in the more ‘educated’ class zones. 

They also forced him to take his cloak off, and it just so happened that the cheaper buildings  were a no hybrid area.

Techno’s eyes widen before quickly becoming neutral.

“So, How much progress has Hero HeadQuarters and the government made in tracking down the Crow Father?” Philza asks, leaning forward, eagerly.

Techno glares at him not responding.

“Hey! I answered your question! It's only fair for you to answer mine!” Phil exclaims, chirping in aggravation.

Techno blinks in surprise as he chirps before steeling his expression once more. “You’re a villain, why should I tell you anything.”

“Because, unlike other villains, you are close to me, I won’t harm you for information! And! If you promise to not tell anyone about my identity I was going to just let you go! Of course, if you're lying, I would make it so you're on the top of my allies board of who-to-kill-as-soon-as-possible.” Philza’s eyes glow menacingly as he stares down his mate, whom he doesn’t want to threaten but needs too.

Technoblade glares right back, but he can see the shock written on his face. “You're lying.”

“I’m fucking not mate!” Philza throws his head back, and flops back forward glaring at the pig hybrid.

Techno glares back. “Yes you are.” 

Philza groans, eruptively standing up and going to the kitchen, grabbing some bird seed, and opening it, trudging back into his chair across from techno.

He grabs a handful, popping it into his mouth hearing the satisfying crunches, Techno turns his nose up, sniffing a few times before giving him a what-the-fuck look.

Philza stares right back before tossing some bird seed on the floor for his crows to munch on.

He caws to Twitch, watching them fly over and land on his hat.

“What should we do? My Mate is not telling me what I must know” Phil chirps and caws in frustration.

“I don’t know, maybe kiss him?” Twitch sort of shrugs, praying quietly, a few crows cackle at her suggestion while Phil smacks them lightly on the beak.

“No! We aren’t doing that! I need consent!” Philza trills, shaking his head and glancing at Techno, who was watching their exchange curiously.

Philza’s eyes widen and he jumps up, “I forgot I was meeting with Raccooninnit and Willow today!”

“Sorry m8, I have a meeting that I need to get to! I’ll be back to see if you’re going to cooperate! Just think about it, I’ll be back in a few hours!”

Philza lets Quackity and Fundy know, and then leaves the building heading towards the rooftop where he said he’d meet the Fellow Bird Hybrids.

Chapter Text

“-It lingers in my mind and keeps on getting bigger love” Philza mutters, He feels like he had just been frozen mid sentence and continued speaking.. But that was probably just his imagination. He shook his head, looking up to face his lady. She turned back to him, offering a soft smile, leaning over and giving him a kiss on the cheek.

“It will be alright love, everything will be alright. I am not upset. I am sure of that my love.” Kirsten say’s, giving a bright smile, Philza nods, giving her his own small smile, he turns away and in the corner of his eye he sees a dark look cross over her expression.

“Hey love,” Phil turns to her, a look of love and relief crosses over her features as his gaze turns back to her.

“Is something wrong Kris?” He asks, frowning.

“Nothing now that you’re gaze is on me.” She says with a bright grin, grabbing his hand and putting it to her cheek.

Philza frowns, glazing around to take in their surroundings, But Kristen grabs his head and forces him to look at her. 

He tried to turn his head away, a bloody body in the corner of his eye.

His eyes widen and he pushes her away, turning to look at his mother, who was speared in half, a long dark purple spear made out of obsidian went right through her, out her mouth and from…. She was speared through her lower regions all the way through her, dried tears on her cheeks. Blood flowing down from the inside of her dress painting the dirt below red.

Tears started trailing down his cheeks as he looked at his mother’s corpse, he felt the urge to vomit, he turned to look at his father, why was nothing more than a bloody, fleshy lump on the ground. The only reason he could identify the body was because of his father's homemade green and white striped bucket hat covered in gore lying a few feet away.

Philza saw his little brother, only thirteen, with his head missing .

He slowly turns back to his wife, his mistress, his lady of death.

“Y-you…you…..” Phil stutters in disbelief, his eyes blown wide, blood covering his hands and face, where Kristen had touched him.

“I had to love, They were in the way,” Kirsten says softly, walking forward and cupping his face.

“In the way of what….?” Philza asks, his voice shook and quiet.

“In the way of us! Your parents are in the way of your potential! Of our love! They were going to take you away from me Phillip!” Kristen hissed, her eyes glowing purple, tone dangerous. 

Phil backed away from her, stepping into the pool of his mothers blood.

“You’re insane.. Ho-how did I not notice them being murdered right behind me!!??” Phil cried, wrapping his arms around himself as tears fell down his cheeks.

“Oh! I cast a little time spell on the cup of tea I gave you! To freeze you in place! I didn’t want you to witness your family being murdered of course! But, sadly you broke out of it too soon.” She says, shaking her head before shrugging. 

“But that doesn’t matter! We should get going now! Before Xedee finds out I’m taking his favorite human for good.” She says with disgust her eyes glowed menacingly and her voice echoed and vibrated, she glanced back at him, immediately softening. 

She grabs his hand pulling him forward forcefully, Phil sobbed, trying to get out of her grasp but to no avail.

He couldn’t do anything, this was a god for God's sake! He-he needed help from another god, 

Exdee.

Exdee offered him a deal a while ago, but he refused. 

because he loved Kristen and was loyal.

Phil didn’t even know if Exdee would show up, but it was worth a try.

“EXDEE! HELP! PLEASE- I-I’LL AGREE TO YOUR PROPOSITION! PLEASE HELP ME!” Philza screamed, thrashing and trying to yank himself out of Kristen's grip. Ugly sobs tore out from his throat, and he was struggling to breathe.

Kristen’s eyes widened and she slapped him hard, knocking him to the ground, he curled into a ball, looking up he was met with his decapitated younger brother's head, the boy’s lifeless eyes staring back at him.

He screamed, scrambling away as fast as he could and curling underneath his family's house, trying to hide from the horrid bodies of his family members. 

His beloved bird Twitch was a few feet away, hidden in their nest, trying to hide from the scary noises, Kristen growled, a deep animalistic sort, Philza saw her shadow become bigger, horn sprouting from her head, wings sprouting from her back. 

“Phillip, Get out of there right now ” She hissed, a deep growl threatening to come out. “Before Exdee comes! HURRY THE FUCK UP! DON’T MAKE ME GET YOU MYSELF ”

Phil cries out in alarm as a large purple scaly hand comes underneath and starts trying to grab him.

A few seconds later an angry shriek fills the air, The large hand retreats quickly, sounds of yelling echoed throughout the area, Philza had to cover his ears to not burst his eardrums. Twitch quickly flies over to him, burying its head into his clothes to block out some of the noise.

Philza hears loud thuds, a horrifying BANG somewhere, and angry shrieks fill the air, Philza sobs, shakily grabbing Twitch and crawling to the back of the house where an exit was, blood and dirt were covering his body, his tears making his face sticky and getting dirt and blood smudged.

He quickly gets out from underneath the house, running through the tree’s as fast as he could, he turns back and watches the house fall down. If he had stayed there for even a few moments more, he would be dead. All because two god’s were fighting over him.

He hears two agonized screams as the two towering forms quickly crouch down and dig through the rubble that used to be the house. Kristen puts her hand in and comes out with blood.

She sobs, clutching her bloodied hand close to her chest.

The blood must have been from those animals he and his father had brought home earlier that day.

Philza turns away, sprinting away as fast as he could.

Chapter Text

Philza sighs happily, last night, Willow and RaccoonInnit didn’t know about Him kidnapping Techno, too busy complaining to one another how he was late, he taught them a decent amount of Parrot, and some eagle, along with some communal Bird language. 

And Techno didn’t give him any information, BUT! He agreed to continue dating him! Yay! Happy day!

Oh, yeah he also agreed to not tell anyone about him, Fundy and Quackity’s identities.

Phil sees something in the corner of his eye, he turns to look out the window, he sees his reflection, but, It looks different from him. had a circular device in his hands, he also wore a sort of armor, dark and glowing purple, He had pointed ears and wings on his back like Philza, but different, before Philza could look into it any more he disappeared and his reflection stared back at him.

Philza blinked, shaking his head, he needed more damn sleep, well, he was currently bringing the coffee’s around the office giving them to whoever ordered one, he finds techno being mother henned by Badboyhalo and Willow.

“If I had known that bastard had kidnapped you I would've trapped him and brought him back to HHQ!” Willow fumed, his hands poking at Techno to see if he had any wounds.

“I’m fine Wil, He didn’t hurt me, Only asked a few questions, then kicked me out.” Technoblades roll his eyes.

Phil snorts, giving Techno a cheeky grin and walking over.

“What happened?” Philza asks with a small frown, tilting his head. 

“Techno was captured last night by the Crow Father! We’re currently checking for any injuries! Are you okay Phil? You didn’t answer any of my calls last night!” Bad asks worriedly, about to check him for injuries as well.

“No! No, I'm perfectly fine, I was just spending some time with chicks-er kids.” Phil say’s, chuckling and scratching his head.

“You have kids?”Bad asks, eyebrows raising in surprise, Philza nodded.

“Yep! Two! And I have a grandson now! God, I’m getting old.” Philza says, frowning at the end.

Willow gasps. “Wait! Does that mean my little champion will have a sibling and nephew! Or neice! Or whatever the in between is!”

“Oh yeah, Fund’s now has a little brother and nephew, Wanna see a picture!?” Philza asks, his eyes lighting up in excitement. Bad and Willow hurriedly nod scrambling over to him as he pulls out his phone.

He shows them a ton of adorable pictures, some with Ranboo and Micheal cuddling, sleeping, watching TV for the first few times, Pillow fight, role playing (When he showed the kids hero’s they became fanboy’s, Micheals favortie hero’s are actually Raccooninnit and Bee) and he had to hurriedly skip past some… not so child friendly pictures before Bad or Willow could notice, such as baby’s first kill!

Yeah thank god Bad and Wil had looked away at Skeppy who was now running over to join them.

Eventually though, They had to split up and go their separate ways to get to work. The Hero’s were having a meeting, and he wasn’t a hero, so he wasn’t allowed to enter.

He headed towards Raccooinnit and Bee’s office, stepping inside and starting to clean the place up while he waited.

—------------------------

Wilbur sat down before Tommy and Techno, Waiting for everyone to get settled down so they can have the meeting, after the room quieted, dream started speaking.

“Alright everyone, a week ago you all heard how we had traces of the Crow fathers DNA, we also had some of Wilbur's father, and we had a theory that the two might be related. After all, it's not every day that you find someone with large black wings.” Dream say’s, before turning on a TV and turning to it, everyone followed his gaze.

“We have conducted multiple DNA tests, and have found nothing, we also had multiple people with Blood and DNA quirks examine it, we found something.” 

Eyes widen, some steeled in anticipation, leaning forward.

“They traced where the feathers came from, both of them, and it traced back to this very building. So in short, Wilbur, Tommy, and Tubbo’s father are the Crow Father, and that man is inside this very building.” 

“We have an imposter among us….” Tommy gasped, eyes wide.

Tubbo beats Wilbur to it and slaps the teen on the back of the head.

Chapter Text

Philza groans, frowning and looking around, before glancing back at the paper in his hands.

“Uhm, Phil? Me and Micheal are going to have a movie night, we’re calling Fundy, Sam, and Techno over. Are you coming too?” Ranboo asks him, his face lit up with excitement. Phil heard the swish of air which meant his tail was wagging.

“Oh course! But I need to finish up here, kay mate?” Philza grins reassuringly. 

Ranoo returns the grin and closes the door behind him, the smile drops from his face and he puts his head in his hands, taking deep breaths, and trying to not cry.

In front of him were pictures, news-paper, printed articles and they were all connected with different colored string.

They all had something in common, they all talked about Kristen, the pictures of her, some were her looking at a camera, some looking away, and some pictures of paintings that she was in, he even had some of Exdee, 

He also found evidence that she was still alive, and too top it off, One of his Crows overheard a conversation between Dream, George, and Sapnap about him, They knew that the Crowfather was in their building, they also believe that the crow father is somehow Willow, Raccooninnit and Bee’s father? Which was absurd but he needed to be careful.

There was so much going on, too much pressure, and too little time.

He needed to prepare to leave the city, he needed to take his children, needed to see if Fundy would come with, needed to say goodbye to his lover, his friends, he would need to thoroughly cover his and his children's tracks.

Phil had made to much commotion here, and he almost earned a fate worse than death, he was almost caught and made a slave.

Was Phil really that weak? That the pressure would be his downfall? If his Flock, his friends got hurt because of him….

If Kristen or Exdee got their hands on someone he cared for… He knew he would hand himself over. 

He needed to cut his ties with everyone…..

Which meant, that he couldn’t just leave, the hero’s would look for him, if he just left and told them he was leaving, they were stubborn, they would follow. If he randomly yelled at them to leave him alone, again, they were stubborn. 

He would need to give a lasting impression that he did NOT want to see them ever again, but he didn’t want to hurt them.. He couldn’t!

So, he would have to stay, prepare, for when they would inevitably find out about him being the Crowfather, he would escape, get his kids, set up a bomb, some flesh filled dummies, and pretend to die.

Yes, that could work.

It would also lead Kristen and Exdee to believe he was officially dead.

It would both get rid of the Crow father, and of Phil Watson, Of course, this meant he wouldn’t be able to bring Fundy, he didn’t want to take the Fox and force him away from everything he’s ever known.

Phil takes a deep breath. Before standing up and stretching out his wings. He rolls his shoulders, hearing the satisfying pops, then left the bedroom.

He needed to enjoy what little time he had left.

Chapter Text

Philza cackles evilly, Techno was sprawled over his lap mumbling angrily at Sam, his eyelids drooping sleepily. Same glared back, his head leaning on Philza’s shoulder. (Platonically of course, Sam is platonic and Techno is romantic)

Ranboo vroops happily on Phil’s other side, Michael sitting on his lap munching popcorn with a large smile on his rosy pudgy cheeks. Fundy was on the couch behind him, leaning against his back, running his paws through Phil’s hair, getting rid of any loose feathers or strands.

Phil chirps, smiling at his flock. He cards his talons through Techno’s hair, combing out any knots. 

“So what are we watching?” Phil asks, tearing his eyes away from Techno’s red piercing eyes that gave him the overwhelming urge to rid all his worries and sink into the crimson ocean.

“Envato!!!Envanto!” Micheal squealed, throwing his hooves into the air excitedly. 

“Do you mean Encanto mate?” Phil asks teasingly, taking a hand away from Techno’s hair and tickling Micheal, earning happy little giggles.

Techno glares up at him tiredly, so Phil places his hand back onto Technoblades head, continuing the methodic motion.

Techno snuggles up closer to him, shutting his eyes and evening his breathing.

Phil smiles down at him, Techno must have been extremely tired huh?

Fundy turns the TV on and goes to youtube, searching Encanto, and clicking on it, an ad pops up showing Kitty cult, someone was talking about how everyone should join the Crow Father’s Crow Cult, or the Kitty cult, for there would be war shortly.

Phil full out laughed at that, startling Techno who angrily bit his leg in retaliation for being disturbed from his sleep.

Philza quieted down as the movie played out, 

As the movie went on the more he disliked it, it reminded him of similar items… of peaceful times….of times when he had his parents, his brothers and his wife.

This movie… hit a little too close to home….

Bruno reminded him of his older brother….. He had attempted to run away from their family, To protect them.

And back when people were first starting to develop powers, of course, people didn’t like new things, they destroyed things they didn’t like nor understanded, His brother showed signs of….powers, or as people back then called it, satanist traits. So He ran, their village would have burned their house down with their whole family inside if he hadn’t. The only reason Phil knew about his… special features and abilities, was because he had been awake that night and had followed his brother.

He still remembers watching his brother's eyes widen in fear as his Red horns, Long pointed tail, and devilish wings unfolded in front of him.

But… He was no devil, His brother was good, if anything he was an angel! Phil looked up to his brother more than anything! His brother, His brother was the best person ever, Just because he looked evil didn’t mean he was.

But, someone had seen them, they thought that the devil looking man would kill the child, so, his brother was shot straight through the heart, and he was taken back home.

This spiraled quite a bit didn’t it? Phil was just watching a kids movie moments before.

Phil blinked away the tears and focused back on the screen.

Once it was over everyone was asleep beside Phil, Philza’s lips wobbled and a single tear trailed down his cheek and landed on Techno.

God, why couldn’t he even enjoy his last few moments with his family?

Chapter Text

Philza got dressed, turning his hologram on and getting ready for work. Ranboo and Micheal were waiting for him in the kitchen with who was munching on some berries, 

They were all ready to go, dressed up in the new clothing Philza had managed to get enough money to buy.

Fundy worked there, so he was really just going along for the ride, (He was also driving them all to HHQ, Because Phil doesn’t have a car, or a license.)

“Everyone ready?” Phil asks, tilting his head, everyone nods and stands up, they all head outside and towards fundy’s bright rainbow Lamborghini with the words ‘Gay champion’ written on it. Why he had it? No one knows. But it's best not to ask questions no one wants answers to.

Philza gets into the passenger seat and they take off after Ranboo buckled his seatbelt, Phil checked his phone, seeing multiple messages.

Awe-Sam-dude

Hey Phil

Dadza

Yeah m8?

Awe-Sam-dude

Quackity and Schlat have been bugging me, they keep screaming and asking when you’ll come rob a bank or somthin with us

Dadza

PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT

Wow 

Clingy much

Awe-Sam-dude

Ikr

Anyways, when u free

Dadza

Tonight at around 9

We meet at L’mantree?

Awe-Same-dude

K

I’ll let the others know

See you there

Philza grins, and quickly puts his phone away as the car stops and Fundy gets out.

“Arlight kids, First things first, We need to get the coffee, for no one in the workplace can function without it.” Philza announces, Fundy raises an eyebrow but follows him as they make their way to the coffee shop Philza always gets the coffees at.

Philza orders fundy to hold both ranboo and Micheals hand since he can’t, Fundy grumbles, but obliges, THey makes their way back to HHQ and step inside, hurrying over to the elevator, they got up to the top floor and make their way out, giving everyone their coffee, he gets a few stares but Phil really doesn’t care much.

Phil waves Fundy goodbye as the Fox makes his way over to his own desk, Phil takes his kids to say high to Techno before heading to Raccooninnits and Bee’s office.

“Hey love! I brought my peeps to work today!” Philza states happily, pushing the door open all the way Bad, Techno and Willow were all chatting at Techno’s desk, err, well, WIllow and Bad were chatting, Techno looked like he wanted them to die in a hole in some ditch.

But Techno immediately brightened upon hearing his voice, snapping his head into Philza’s direction with a happy grin. 

Which…. Honestly Looked terrifying since Techno NEVER grinned.

“PHIL!” He grins hopping up and giving Phil a passionate kiss, dipping him and everything.

Philza yanked back up a long moment later, gasping for air at the rush of adrenaline.

“Damn Techno…. Did… did you practice? Cuz damn mate…. I wanna go again…” Philza says, then proceeds to french kiss Techno, Dipping him and all.

He hears Micheal gleefully giggling.

“Bwood god! Bwood god! Kiss gwanpa!” Micheal giggles happily, clapping his hooves together.

Phil pulls Techno back up with a grin, both of their faces flushed red.

“Oh yeah.. Not sure If I’ve told ya’ this before But Mkey’s a bit of a fan, just like his grandpapa.” Philza says proudly, with one hand on his heart and his chin stuck up.

Techno snorted, while Willow and Bad looked at the four of them aghast.

“Oh! Bad, WIllow, This is my son, Ranboo, and his son, Micheal, See Fund’s is no longer a single child now. He has a younger brother, and a nephew.” Phil says with a grin, squeezing Techno’s ass with a sly grin.

Techno squeaks quietly, blushing furiously and glaring at him, Phil giggles smiling sweetly.

Willow furrows his brows in deep thought “You may have told me about them before… But I’m not sure If i’ve met them. Ahh, Great to meet you!” Willow says, shaking hands with Ranboo, Ranboo nods and mumbles a greeting politely, Philza then makes his way (peeps in tow) back to Raccooninnits and Bee’s office.

He steps inside, and sighs at what he sees.

Raccooninnit and Bee were rolling around on the ground, biting and scratching at each other.

“Boy’s, Meet my son and his son! Rambo and Micheal.” Philza speaks up, The two young adults freeze looking up and freezing once more.

“Ranboob!!!! Where the fuck have you been!” Raccooninnit screeches, jumping off of Tubbo and running over to Ranboo, yanking the lanky teen into a hug.

“Oh! Uhm hi?” Ranboo says, blinking questioningly.

“It's me! Tubb and Tommy! I’m your platonic husband! Remember!” Bee- err, Tubbo says. Running over and pulling him into a hug

“Wait… I HAVE A STEPSON! WHEN DID MY BABY PEEP GET MARRIED!” 

Chapter Text

Philza grins as he holds a gun to a cashier's head, he slowly pulls his sunglasses down staring the man down.

“Us Ladies, want a refund, we bought some spoiled milk and weren’t told that said milk was expired, we want all the money you got young man as a refund.” Philza says snootily, like a true Karen.

Sam nods behind him, holding up said spoiled milk.

He had the karen wig sitting haphazardly on his head, a bluish dress over his armor, Quackity and Schlat were behind him, with their own Karen outfits ready to roll, Eret and Karl were beside them, Kalrs being more sloppy, while Erets was extremely fancy. Hair done perfectly, Dress fluffy, Heels high, phone recording, and drink in hand. 

Phil had his karen hair underneath his hat, he was wearing a shirt, with a skirt, and sandals.

He clocked the gun with a nice click.

“I want to speak to you manager.” Philza says, Sam chews some gum behind him, nodding in agreement.

The cashier looked like he was about to shit himself. But quickly nodded, telling them to follow him and practically sprinted to the back room.

They then spent around thirty minutes stealing all their money, and getting a new gallon of milk.

Afterwards, Outside the store the group of villains proceeded to cheer Sam on as he chugged the whole gallon in ten seconds.

They then did the exact same thing to ten more stores, but told them that their milk was empty and they hadn’t known it was empty when they bought it. They continued watching Sam chug until he could chug no more.

Then the heroes came, Sam could not fight, for he chugged too much milk, so it was five Vs three, it's safe to say they were the five, and the dream team were the three.

They won obviously, but the karens needed to retreat when the Hero’s backup came.

This birb-Karen simply can’t deal with a shirt-less Technoblade.

It's simply not possible.

And that pink basterd NEW IT.

That sexy fucking BASTERD.

Chapter Text

Philza yawns, giving everyone their morning coffee on their desks (since it seemed that everyone was at a meeting) before heading over to Raccooninnit and Bee’s office, 

He opened and shut the door, sitting down and starting his paperwork.

—-----------

Philza blinks as hero’s start filtering into Raccooninnit and Bee’s office, fully geared and ready for a fight,  everyone looked tense, some pissed, some confused, and Techno looked-.... Guilty…..

Oh shit.

Philza got ready to spring into action, Slipping a knife out of his sleeve and glancing over at the bullet proof glass window that he couldn’t see but knew was there, preparing to throw Bad threw it to make his escape.

“Oh? Hey mates! What's going on? Did a villain get in?” Philza asks, frowning, he quickly stands up, giving them all an innocent dad look.

WIllow looks physically pained as he steps forward. “I’m…sorry Phil, But we have reason to believe you're the Crow Father, Technoblade gave us the last bit of proof needed to figure it out.” 

Philza’s worst fears came to life, what he hoped wasn’t true was indeed, actually true.

Techno fucking betrayed him.

He really doesn’t have any luck with love huh?

Tears started trailing down his cheeks.

He doesn’t see the surprised faces as he shuts his eyes tight.

“God DAMMIT TECHNOBLADE! I THOUGHT I COULD TRUST YOU!” Philza roars, snapping his eyes wide open and glaring at the piglin who rears back in shock. Surprise and guilt shone on his fate.

Dozens of eyes widen but before they could do anything Philza hologram was turned off and he grabbed Bad, flinging him out of the window, effectively breaking it, Phil jumps out after him, flying as fast as he could to get home, he gets his phone out, quickly calling Ranboo, telling him to get their bags packed and get Micheal harnessed up.

Willow was chasing him, yelling at him to stop, but Philza only panicked more.

OMG

THEY”RE GONNA KILL US!

HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT

FLY! FLY OLD MAN!

OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD

PHIL RUN!

GET THE CHICKS!

FUCKING TECHNOBLADE!

TRAITER

TRAITER

TRAITER

TRAITER

LEAVE

CALL THE FLOCK

Philza caws loudly asking for his clock to come down and distract the Hero’s, Not a moment later WIllow is swarmed with crows, and has trouble not dropping down to the streets below.

Philza sends Sam a quick text, telling him he’s skipping town before talking to Ranboo once more.

“Ranboo! We need to leave NOW!” He says, landing in front of his apartment, He bursts inside, running over to the bedroom and ripping the floorboards up, looking inside at everything he had stored, His Technoblade merch, Weapons, food, his totem of undying, He  grabs the bag that stored it all, running back out to the living room, Ranboo had to bags packed, one with clothes and what-not and the other with food and water.

“ Twitch, Look around the perimeter, keep watch, if you see the hero’s, or….or Kristen and Exdee tell me imminently then fly far away. ” Philza tells them, they blink at him but before they could say anything Philza’s off,hurriedly getting Ranboo and Tubbo’s masks on,getting them ready to leave. Phil quickly sends Fundy a ‘I love you’ via voice message and spins around when he hears a warning caw, He quickly Grabs both of his chicks and sprints out of the front door, flapping his wings down to the ground and shoving his kids into a random car, he starts it up, and glances up, Hero’s were storming through his house, most likely looking for his Phone’s that they hacked into to find his location.

Tears were still dripping down his face as he sped off, 

This reminded him too much of what happened all those Decades ago.

—-----------------------------------

About an hour earlier…..

Techno shuffled around nervously, trying not to show just how anxious he was right then.

They just got news from the professional blood Tracker that they knew who the Crow father was.

And everyone was extremely anxious and excited.

The person was in the front of the room, waiting for everyone to get seated.

Willow finally opened the door, walking around the table and to his seat.

Then, the person up front started speaking. “Alright, as you all know, I have been running tests and have been trying to find who the S rated Villain is, and I have found them.”

The person then clicks a few buttons and shows a picture of the Crow father,mid-air, holding a rocket launcher, then he switches to a picture of Philza, struggling to hold the doxens of coffees in his arms.

“This man, Philza minecraft is the most likely to be the Crow father, we’ve ran multiple tests, But, we’ll need blood samples from him to make sure, but, we also have reason to believe that someone here may know the Crow fathers identity, since you are all so close with Philza” They say, and then they motion for a older woman to step forward.

She nods her head in greeting. “Since you’re all heroes and work to protect the public, none of you should have any problem with us using a ‘must tell the truth' quirk on you all.” They say with a small but kind smile. 

“Alright, Miss Ellen will ask some questions, and all you need to do is answer.” They say, everyone nods in confirmation.

“Alright, BadBoyHalo, what is your relationship with Philza Minecraft?” She asks, directing her attention to the pitch-black-white-eyed-giant-that-scares-the-shit-out-of-everyone-even-though-he’s-extremely-sweet.

Don’t tell them about Philza’s colleges, don’t tell them Phil’s a villain, don’t tell them he’s a hybrid.

“O-oh, uhm, We’re really good friends! We met before he became a hero!” Bad says, his tail flicking anxiously.

“Did you know if he’s a villain?” She asks,

“No… I’m.. I’m sure Philza would never be a villain! He’s too kind for that..” Bad says, his voice wobbly. Techno frowns, feeling bad for Bad. (Pun not intended)

Don’t tell them about Philza’s colleges, don’t tell them Phil’s a villain, don’t tell them he’s a hybrid.

“Alright, Willow, What is your relationship with Mister Philza Minecraft?”

Don’t tell them about Philza’s colleges, don’t tell them Phil’s a villain, don’t tell them he’s a hybrid.

“Ah-, uhm, He’s like… A father figure for me….. I… left mine because I was a stupid teenager in his emo faze. But yeah, He’s like, the father I kinda didn;t have, And I’m pretty damn sure Phils not a villain!” Wilbur says, looking away as his eyes went wide when he realized what he had just said, slapping a hand over his mouth.

Techno gulps, knowing it was now his turn.

Don’t tell them about Philza’s colleges, don’t tell them Phil’s a villain, don’t tell them he’s a hybrid.

“Blood god, What is your relationship with Philza Minecraft?” 

Don’t tell them about Philza’s colleges, don’t tell them Phil’s a villain, don’t tell them he’s a hybrid.

Technoblade gulped, preparing to try and lie.

“He’s my boyfriend, we fucked a few nights ago, He’s the crow father and Works with every major villain in the city, including the mob boss schlat, and the Drug baron Quackity, he has two kids, I found out by accident one night when we both got carried away, he has a sort of hologram covering up his hybrid features, he made me promise not to tell anyone because he genuinely cares about everyone here.” Techno snaps his mouth shut, eyes widening as does everyone else's in the room.

God why did he just so happen to LITERALLY BLURT EVERY SINGLE THING OUT!? EVEN THE SHIT THEY DIDN'T NEED TO KNOW ABOUT! EVER!

Jesus…..

Did we really need to know that?

OWO

MY EYES

MY EARS!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHH

TECHNZA TECHNZA TECHZA

Awwwwwww!!!!!!

We know that techno really loves Phil :3

He’s also a stalker, well, The more you know~

“Ah…. shit..” Techno mumbles.

“M-mob boss… Drug baron!? He knows all of the major villains in the city! We must report this to the president right now! You all must arrest the Crow Father immediately!” The blood tracker practically shouts, grabbing the other quirked woman and running out of the room, moments later everyone was shouting, asking questions.

Techno shriveled up into himself, wishing he just called in sick today.

Chapter Text

Philza sigh’s, glancing over at Ranboo and Micheal, who were watching the buildings get smaller and smaller as they left the city.

Phil closed his eyes tightly, keeping his attention on all the noises on the road so he didn’t accidentally get into a crash wreck.

Phil’s eyes snap open and he swerves the car to the side as a bolt of void is thrown into where the car had been moments before.

If he had stayed put the car and everything inside (including them) would be trapped inside the void.

Kristens littler dimension she had made.

They used to have so much fun inside it….

But now, Phil has no idea what she’d do to him and the boys.

Wait, THE BOYS!

He’he needs to drop them off so she doesn’t see them!

Thank god the boy’s were in the back of the truck.

Philza looked around, watching people scream and run around, looking at the literal giant woman, that was a big as a skyscraper floating above them.

She looked….

Beautiful….

But, she also looked extremely crazy.

And Philza’s a taken man!

Philza picked up the speed swerving into an alleyway, he hurried out of the car, yanking the back door open.

“Boys! You need to get out, lo-look, uhm, here! Take this” he says handing Ranboo his spare phone, He had all the numbers labeled so Ran wouldn’t have a problem with who was who.

“Ranboo, you need to take Micheal and go back to fundy’s place okay? You know where that is?” Ranboo nodded in confusion, probably wondering what was going on.

“Listen, uhm, Something really bad is about to happen to me, and I really don’t want you dragged along okay? Listen, I love you very VERY much, okay boo? But, Bu-t you need to go to fundy, he’ll take care of you in case I don’t come back okay?” 

Ranboo nods,  now confused, terrified, and worried.

“Okay .. good. Good, bye ranboo.” Philza says, with a bitter smile, before pushing Ranboo and michael into a random door, right as a giant hand grabbed him, Ranboo screams, clutching onto Micheal tighter.

Phil blinks as he’s met face to face with kristen. Looking down, he sees a few bloody lumps of flesh below, 

She must have been looking for any blond headed person she could find, and when she saw it wasn’t him she dropped them.

Kristen grinned as she caught sight of his face.

Philza sees helicopters circling in the sky, she sees a news reporter explaining the scene, and he mentions that ‘the giant woman was holding Philza Minecraft, Who was Just found out to be the number one villain, the crow father.’

Philza gulped,flapping his wings uselessly behind him. Kristen croons, petting him softly.

“Phil! It's been so long since I’ve last seen you my love! I thought you were dead.” She says sadly, her own wings flapping behind her, causing massive winds to crush people behind her, some people were pushed up high into the air and then fell down to their demise.

Philza watched with a horrified expression, his face going pale, seeing how easily she killed dozens of people.

Without even trying.

She smiles sweetly, before moving him closer, curling around him protectively.

“I saw you with that Blood god love, Are you into male gods now? If you’d like, I can change my form to appeal to your current interests.” She says sweetly, Her body morphs into a purple glow before dying down and a more masculine looking body taking its place.

She-he? Still had long dark hair, but now no longer had breasts, and the hourglass body shape, but now had a little scruff on the chin.

Philza flushed beet red.

Holy shit he didn’t know Kristen could shape shift!

God that would have been nice to know……

Wait, does she think Techno’s an actual god?

“Wait, blood god?” Philza says, the first sentence he’s said to her in over a century.

She frowns, alos seeming to notice that the first thing he’s said to her in over a century is actually about someone else other than her.

“Yes, The Blood god you’ve been seeing, I saw the two of you kiss Phil! Don’t play dumb.” She says jealousy flashing in her eyes, then her eyes widen as if coming to a realization.

“Wait! Was that Exdee! Was he just dressed up to suit your fancy! God dammit! That fucking whore! Trying to take what's mine!” She growls, eyes glowing a dangerous purple.

Philza glances down and spots Ranboo, staring up at them in alarm.

Kristen notices his gaze and turns to look, but Phil chirps softly as a distraction, facing her.

She blinks, face flushing with color as she quickly turns her gaze back to him.

He starts softly singing and chirping, stealing a glance back at Ranboo who hadn’t seemed to get the memo to get the heck out of dodge.

“Awwwwwww! You sang! You’re such a cute little birdie now huh? Awww! Did you make that noise to keep my attention on you! I knew you still loved me Phil! Oh! Did you know that I’ve been researching birds since I knew how much you loved them! And I know that you crows chirp and sing to call a mate!” She says, spinning around the air happily, Philza gives her a small and awkward grin, sneaking a glance at Ranboo, seeing him come to the realization to teleport away.

He sighs in relief as the teen disappears from sight, Kristen glances to where he was looking and looks confused when she sees nothing, then she changes back to her original body type.

“Well, If you Don’t care for my masculine form I’ll stay like this for now.” She says, then starts waving her hand, magic on her finger tips.

“We should head home! It’s been so long Phil! And I’m not going to let you get away that easily!” She giggles, a bright smile on her face as an enormous portal appears.

Philza’s eyes widened and he started thrashing violently, trying to break free.

He frantically glances around, and by some miracle he locks eyes with Sam, who’s eyes were wide, standing beside some platinum blond haired man and a taller black haired man.

They were hiding behind a car, trapped, if they moved they’d be seen.

Phil frantically takes his bag, filled with books on everything he knows about people with ‘godly’ powers, focusing on the goddess of death, and Dream Exdee, the god of life.

When in reality, they were just the first ones to get a power, and it just so happened to be one of the most powerful ones, Their only human, they can still die.\

He just doesn’t know how to kill them yet.

Philza dropped the bag, throwing it as far as he could, in Sam’s direction when Kristen wasn’t looking.

Phil waved to Sam, gesturing to the bag, and giving a sad smile before he was submerged into the portal, probably never going to see his friends ever again.

Chapter Text

They sat around a table, all the heroes and Villains in the city were gathered in an abandoned warehouse, on neutral ground. Well, It was in Quackity’s territory, which was, in fact, neutral grounds between villains, vigilantes, and heroes, so it counted as neutral ground.

The atmosphere was thick, with anxiety and hatred filling the air.

In Tommy’s humble opinion the room was kinda tense, Tubbo whacked him on the head when he said it aloud.

He grumbled, slouching in his chair and moved his gaze over to Ender and Death.

Which, What the fuck Phil!?? Why would you name a toddler death and have it literally kill people.

Tommy chooses to ignore the part of him that says he would do the same thing.

But back to the reason they were all here.

“Alright, so we can all agree we are attached to Philza, AKA the Crow father, AKA top villain, AKA the workplace Dad? So we should really just chill the fuck out and not look like we’re three steps away from stabbing shit?” Tommy blurts, saying what really should have been said ten minutes ago.

The warden sighs, reluctantly nodding.

 “Raccooninnit has a point… We won't get anywhere if we’re at each other's throats.” He says pointedly, yanking Jester away from the blood god.

“I agree, We should put aside our past quarrels and focus on the issue at hand.” Captain speaks up, before pulling something up on her laptop and showing everyone at the table.

It was a live video taken by a helicopter. An enormous woman was standing in the middle of the highway, or well, floating, in the middle of the highway.

There were dozens of corpses littered everywhere, either crushed or fell from extreme heights, everything around her was trashed, cars and trucks torn in half and upside-down, buildings broken in on themselves, and just over all chaos.

She did more damage in ten minutes than most villains could do in their entire life.

She leaned down, putting her giant hand into an alleyway and grabbing something, or someone, Philza was thrashing in her hand, desperately trying to break free, but once he was lifted halfway up he froze and turned to face her.

They could clearly hear every word she said, from the way it echoed through the area, and even with the helicopter's loud blades you could hear her.

“Phil! It's been so long since I’ve last seen you my love! I thought you were dead.” She says, seeming heartbroken, her wings flapped behind her, causing massive waves of wind to crush people behind her, some people were pushed up high into the air and fell down to their demise.

The group of hero’s watched in terror and morbid fasination at the display, From what the saw, she hadn’t even tried to kill those people, and didn’t seem to care that she did.

She smiled sweetly, before moving Phil closer, curling around him protectively.

“I saw you with that Blood god love, Are you into male gods now? If you’d like, I can change my form to appeal to your current interests.” She said delightfully.

God? Did she think that Techno was an actual god or something?

Her body starts to morph into a purple glow before dying down and a more masculine looking person taking its place.

The person Still had long dark hair, but now no longer had a round chest, and the hourglass body shape, not to mention they had a fashionable bit of scruff on their chin.

They couldn’t see Philza’s expression all that well, but it looked like his face had heated up.

“Wait, blood god?” Philza says, sounding puzzled, asking what they were all curious about.

The frown, alos seeming to realize something, and it seemed that Phil also knew about whatever it was.

“Yes, The Blood god you’ve been seeing, I saw the two of you kiss Phil! Don’t play dumb.” They say jealousy flashing in their eyes, then their eyes widen as if coming to another realization.

“Wait! Was that Exdee! Was he just dressed up to suit your fancy! God dammit! That fucking whore! Trying to take what's mine!” They growl, eyes glowing a dangerous purple.

Tommy flinched away at her tone, it was dark and possessive, filled with anger.

What the fuck did Phil do tp find this person and get them so obsessed with him???

Philza looked down, glancing at something in alarm before quickly looking back up.

The giant noticed Phils gaze and turned to look, but Phil chirped softly, almost as if it was a distraction….. Oh it was.

They blink, the giant person's face flushing with color as they quickly turn their gaze back to Philza.

Philza starts softly singing and chirping, stealing a glance back Down face twisting in concern before going neutral again.

“Awwwwwww! You sang! You’re such a cute little birdie now huh? Awww! Did you make that noise to keep my attention on you! I knew you still loved me Phil! Oh! Did you know that I’ve been researching birds since I knew how much you loved them! And I know that you crows chirp and sing to call a mate!” They say, spinning around the air happily, Philza gives her a small and awkward grin, sneaking a glance down, his expression turning into one of relief moments later.

This person really was not thinking straight huh? Because Tommy’s pretty sure that birds chirp for more than just calling a damn mate. Also holy shit is this just some obsessed Ex?

The big person looked over to where Philza had kept looking, a confused expression on their face before changing their form back to their feminine on.

“Well, If you Don’t care for my masculine form I’ll stay like this for now.” They say, before they started waving their hand, magic on their fingertips.

“We should head home! It’s been so long Phil! And I’m not going to let you get away that easily!” They giggled, a bright smile on their face as an enormous portal appeared.

Philza’s eyes widened and he immediately started thrashing violently, trying to break free, The avains wings flapped wildly behind them.

Phil frantically glanced around, and locked his eyes on someone, he frantically picked up his bag before dropping it, throwing it as far as he could, in whatever he was looking at’s direction.

Phil waved to the thing that was presumably a person, gesturing to the bag, and giving a sad smile before he was pulled into the portal, 

The portal disappeared moments later, leaving nothing behind.

Captain closed her laptop, frowning to herself.

Everyone was silent, thinking to themselves for a few minutes.

“So… Blood god, Have any ideas what She was talking about?” Jester asks, sounding suspicious.

Blood god shook his head, not giving any further information.

“I was there, Philza saw me and threw this, he  pretty much told me to grab it.” Warden says, picking something off the ground and putting it onto the table.

It was a decent travel bag, filled to the brim with things, you could see some stuff bulging out.

Everyone straightened out at Warden's admittance.

“And you didn’t mention this beforehand because…?” Siren asked, raising a hand in question, anger in his tone.

Damn Wilbur was pissed, which, understandable, Warden had withheld information that they all should have known as soon as the meeting started.

“I wanted you all to know what was going on first, Me, Ender and Death had been the only ones who witnessed it, and I only knew it was Crow father a few minutes into their conversation.” Awesamdude explained, keeping his back straight and voice calm, though they could all see the worry in the villain's eyes.

“Hey question.” Bee says randomly, Raccooninnit shoots him a glare that is completely ignored.

“Uhm, yes?” Warden asks unsurely, shifting in his seat slightly.

“Why do you use two names? Warden and Awesamdude?” Tubbo asks, not caring for the important matter at hand.

“Oh, I prefer Warden, but my friends kept calling me Awesamdude as a prank, and people stuck to it.” The creeper hybrid shrugged, fiddling with his trident almost shyly.

“Heh, Coooool-le-o awe-sam-dude.” Bee drawls out, leaning back with his arms behind his head.

Tommy snorts, before zipping forward and snatching the bag, warden lets out a hiss as he opens the bag, dumping contents out of it.

Their were a surprising amount of weapons, a few bags of bird seed and other things, Some Blood God merch, which, wow, fucking simp, some books, and a small golden trinket, sort of like a doll.

“Wait, is that the historical artifact that Philza had stolen? He must have been in a hurry when he left, why would he take that with him?” In-between questioned, leaning forward and gently grabbing it, he examined it, tracing some of its details before placing it back down.

“He seemed really anxious when he threw this at me, there must be something important.” Warden mumbled, taking a book and flipping it open to the first page. He paused for a moment before lifting his head.

“Well I think I know what that artifact is.” He says, passing the book to Eret, who tentatively grabbed it, looking inside, before sharply inhaling.

“What is it?” Fox asked, anxiously flicking his tail behind him, Siren patted the guy on the shoulder but also looked curious.

“Totem of undying, made from the god of undying, when held in someone's hand, or on a necklace, touching skin in some way, will bring you back to life when killed, but once used it breaks, They are incredibly hard to find, only four in recorded history ever found, And three had been used.” Eret reads aloud, nervously glancing over to the golden trinket.

“That's a load of bullshit, Phil couldn’t have been that dumb right?” Dream says, crossing his arms, Bad hisses and smacks him across the head, scolding the man quietly.

“I used one of them, After my parents were killed i died two decades after, While Treasure hunting I found one of them, Hidden deep inside a woodland mansion, I was shot in the heart by a hybrid hunter, They had caught me saving their slaves, when I came back to life,I killed the hunter and quickly left, over the course of a few months I started noticing hybrid features, And, then I grew wings, It hurt, Quite a lot, I wonder if this was how my brother felt when he had to run away from home, Even If he wasn’t so lucky and didn’t survive long……” Eret says, pausing for a second looking up.

“Are we sure that Philza just didn’t take some good drugs?” Schlat asks, raising an eyebrow.

Jester scoffs, punching the guy in the dick, causing the ram to fall to the ground in pain.

“It’s been exactly a hundred years since I had died, I seemed to have stopped aging, well, Seemed is the wrong word. I have most definitely stopped aging, I still look thirty six, Which is very intriguing. I honestly don’t know what to do, I lost my kids, a few years ago, Wilbur was around sixteen when he left home with Tommy and Tubbo. I hope they're doing alright, I really did try to take care of them, you know? Wait, when did this become a damn diary? I’m supposed to be writing about my condition and the totems, not my depressing life. Alright, back to what I’m supposed to be talking about, I died again, and thankfully I had bought a totem off the dark web when it happened, thank god it had been a real one, they were selling it for much cheaper then it really should have been selling for, but then again, it wasn’t at all cheap, around ten thousand american dollars, I scammed him for twenty bucks, before shanking him and taking my kids birthday money back, the stupid fucker. The transformation was much quicker this time, my bones are much more fragile, and my organs and genitalia are even changing. I have feathers nearly everywhere, and going to the Black Birbket can only give so much information. Which, was really none at all, but he attempted. At this rate, if he continues using totems he’s going to become one of his chat. Or in other words, He would become an actual to fucking god BIRD. He doesn’t know if his size would change, however, he might just become a giant bird. Also, his instincts are much stronger now, so going back to the theory of turning into a bird- he might become one physically and mentally, which is not good…I tried to kill Kristen last night. I don’t think I succeeded, I still see her, wherever death is, she follows…. The hero committee knows that “The crow father” is working here at HHQ. That's not good, I’m gonna have to leave soon. Maybe I can fake my death? That's gonna be the last course of action, the emergency plan some would call it. I won’t involve anyone other than Ranboo and Michel though. As much as I love Fundy, he has a family other than us, and we have nothing, other than each other. I just hope I can protect Ran and Micheal….. It ends there.” Eret says, their tone neutral throughout it all, everyone sat in silence for awhile, before Skeppy grabbed one of the other books flipping through it.

“This one's talks about gods and shit.” Diamond says, BBH mutters a quick language before gesturing for him to continue.

“It says stuff about… The goddess or death and life? Kristen and Exdee….. Wow. they both had the fucking hots for him it seems.” Skeppy exclaims, flipping through pages before he freezes, eyes blowing wide as he suddenly slams the books down and spins it around, showing them all the contents.

There were very detailed drawings of two people.

A man wearing a mask, A D on it with a crossed out halo around its head, it had a hood over its head, no neck, just a floating ball, it was dressed elegantly, with flowing robes.

The other picture was a woman, Who looked exactly like the giant who kidnapped Philza.

“Holy shit, Well…. It seems we have things to do, shit to read.” Snapnap says, grabbing another book and flipping through it.

Everyone seemed to agree, some sharing books while others wrote things down.

Tommy watched everything happen, he saw them all make history, Heroes and villains working together for the same goal.

Chapter Text

Felix was a very mischievous blob, He spied on Exdee, he trolled humans, and he loved shooting machine guns, having no arms never stopped him from blowing shit up too.

He is blob, blob he is, Blob they are, Well Felix uses They slash He pronouns, But anyway- Exdee is currently Simping over a brown-haired humen.

Heh, Hu-men, human, hu-MAN HAHHAHHAHA.

Applause, please.

….

…

..

.

Well, Fuck you then.

Eh, blobby is bored, They’re gonna just go to the human realm. It's boring here. Maybe he can find a frog.

Actually, They’re gonna go bother Foolish and start some drama between gods or something.

—--------------------------

Sam sigh’s, rubbing a hand on his forehead.

He glances up and looks at his fellow villains, It was surprising that they had been able to make an alliance with the heroes. With how much they’ve hated each other it was honestly scary that Phil could bring them all together  just  by getting man-napped. 

And since the superheroes were supposed to arrest them, they were literally breaking the law by working with them.

Which, god damn man, Philza technically betrayed them and risked becoming full of criminals to save the guy, They must all really love the guy.

The villains, The group that Sam’s been dubbed in since he first found out how shitty the government was, will go to hell and back to protect their people, And Phil was one of their people.

Sam glances up, watching Quackity and Schlat talk about something with Karl, who looked quite exhausted, with his time-traveling abilities he was up 24/7 attempting to go back to the time Phil was kidnapped to see what all happened. Which was really irresponsible since going back through time even once tired him out a lot. He’s done it three times so far, he didn’t really find anything new, other than where Philza’s kids were, they were actually beside Sam at the moment.

He turned to them, taking off his mask and giving them what he hopes is a reassuring smile.

“Don’t worry, We’ll get Phil back, It’s just gonna take a while,” Sam says, gently rubbing the youngest’s shoulder, Ranboo nods, leaning into the touch, cradling his child, and the kid snuggles closer to the ender-hybrid's chest, making a cute chortle noise.

A sudden thought came to his head then.

“Hey Ranboo, Is there anything that Phil said when he was taking you out of the country that might have sounded odd? Other than the fact he was taking you two out of the country?” Sam chuckles at the last bit, pulling an equally awkward smile out of the teen.

Ranboo frowns, thinking for a second before shaking his head, Sam grimaces, but nods, bringing the smile back up a split second later, telling the other where the spare bedroom is so the two could rest.

After they're both gone Sam gets up and walks over to Eret, who was watching the other three villains bicker amongst themselves.

“Hey, Sammy.” Eret greets him, not looking away from the trio.

“Hey.” He replies, very unoriginal, wow. 

“Do we know anything new about the whole… God thing?” He asks, grimacing, Eret opens their mouth, pausing, before closing their mouth and shaking their head.

Sam raises an eyebrow at the suspicious behavior, but if they don't wanna talk about it he’s not going to push.

Eret sighs, rolling their eyes at him fondly. “I thought You were going to push so I could answer dramatically, but Okay, I’ll just give it to you straight. Even though I’m not.” 

Sam huffed out a laugh, smiling at the other, who returned it before going serious.

“I’ve… actually heard of that “totem” god before, being a descendant of herobrine and all, I know things,” they say cryptically, Sam nods in slight understanding, gesturing for them to continue.

They frown, biting their lip before speaking. “The God of Undying that Phil mentioned in his journal is indeed real, and actually in the city, I’m, Kinda friends with him actually…. I babysit his kids every now and then.” 

Sam blinks, his mouth opening in shock before he closes it with an audible click.

“And you didn’t mention him before because..?” Sam questions, raising an eyebrow and crossing his arms.

“He’s my friend, and well, people aren’t really supposed to know about overpowered individuals who can be counted as godly. There Are many reasons for why it should be kept secret.” Eret explained, sighing and uncrossing their arms, they got off the wall and stood up straight.

“You text the group chat and let them know that we have a lead, I’ll call the Totem god and let him know we’re coming over,” Eret says, pulling out their phone and unlocking it.

Sam nods, pulling out his own. “Is it going to be just us? Quackity might wanna go.”

Eret grimaces shaking his head, “Nope, He’d freak if he found out he’s hired a godly being to work underneath him as his personal guard in his civilian persona.”

Sam’s brows shot up once more, nodding in surprise before quickly sending everyone a text, he glanced up and saw Schlat, Quackity, and Karl looking at them curiously.

“Since our group is already here I'll let them know, But don’t worry, I won’t tell them any particular details about our trip,” He addresses, Eret nods, pushing a button and putting his phone to his ear, walking away for some privacy.

Sam spins around, pocketing his phone and spinning around to face his three comrades.

“We got a lead, We’ll be going out in a bit so don’t worry,” Sam tells them once he’s beside the three.

“Wait really! We’re coming with you then!” Quackity exclaims, a grin on his face.

“Sorry nope, the person we’re going to Visit needs to be kept secret, For their safety. Sorry guys.” Sam explained apologetically, Quackity slumped pouting, not fighting on it any more surprisingly.

“If It’s for the person's safety then fine, but let us know if you two get into any trouble okay?” Quackity asks seriously, Sam blinks, nodding and giving the other a small smile which the shorter returns, grinning before turning back to Schlat, who gives Sam a reassuring grin before strutting over to the living room’s couch, with Quackity joining him.

“If you and Eret need any help with this mysterious person?” Karl continues, completely bulldozing over Sam’s attempt to speak “I’m being completely serious. If you need anything, And I mean  anything  just send me a quick message.” 

Sam pauses, closing his mouth and nodding. “Okay Karl, We’ll keep that in mind. See you around.” 

Karl nods, reaching up to pat him on the shoulder before walking away, grabbing a soda from the fridge, and sitting down beside the bickering couple.

Sam spins around, heading off in the direction Eret had gone in, He finds them saying goodbye to the person on the call, swiftly ending it and slipping their phone into their jacket, turning to face him.

“Let's get going, we’ll take my car because it's faster.” Eret proclaims, and Sam nods, raising an eyebrow as they take the lead, The two of them make their way out of Quackity’s penthouse suite and over to the elevator, they head inside pushing the first garage's button and waiting.

A minute later they’re both in the garage, heading over to wherever Eret’s car was, Eret speed walks over to an expensive-looking car, With a rainbow-colored frog on the back of it, along with Pink, purple and blue stripes going around it, representing the Big colors. They pulled out a pair of keys, pushed a button, and the car unlocked.

Sam’s eyes widened.

“You own a 2019 Bugatti Chiron??? And It’s pride colored!!???” He exclaims excitedly, hurrying over to them, they slid inside, gesturing for him to go to the passenger's seat.

Both doors were slid up, Eret waiting until Sam had slid in before closing both doors in sync.

“Yep, I like it, fast baby,” Eret says, probably winking, But Sam couldn’t see because they had sunglasses on.

Sam looks around, marveling at the sleek interior, and the classic Bi colors lighting up the place.

He huff’s out an unexpected chuckle, buckling himself in, before waiting for Eret to start driving.

They slowly drive the racecar backward, turning it before speeding off and out of the garage, Sam whoops as they race down the streets of Kinoko, dodging cars, and ignoring police cars.

“Did you hide your car's ID?” Sam yells, and Eret nods, a grin on their face.

“Of course! I’m not stupid! I’m gonna have to get a new paint job after this though.” Eret calls out back, spinning the wheel and barreling past two cop cars that had probably been called in.

“I think that maybe we shouldn’t have been going over the speed limit while going somewhere for a secret informative meeting.” Sam deadpans, raising an unimpressed eyebrow at Eret, who simply chuckled, spinning the car around and zooming off, causing a traffic jam, forcing the cops to stop unless they wanted to crash.

“Don’t worry, I’ll park this somewhere private, and then we’ll walk the five blocks to his house,” Eret says, waving a hand as he swerves down a corner into an alley.

—-----------

Sam follows Eret as they lead him down a private neighborhood, children's toys littered yards, vans, and cars parked outside houses, and the houses were all neat and trimmed.

Eret led him up a path to a yellow house and pushed the doorbell, then they took a step back and waited for it to be answered.

The two were currently in civilian clothing since them walking down a family-oriented neighborhood where rich people lived would have heroes zoning in on their location like flies to a lightbulb.

After a minute someone hurriedly opened the door, and a towering golden man greeted them, he looked flustered and in disarray, his clothing askew, Sam hears two children playing somewhere in the house, giggling loudly as one peaked out of a doorway, waving to them before dashing back inside.

Sam blinked, before turning back to Eret and the man, he seemed to know why they were there, a look of realization washing over his face before he hurriedly called his kids to go upstairs and get ready for their bath while he stayed with them.

After the kids went upstairs the man gestured for them to come in before leading them into the living room, after they all sat down Eret spoke.

“Sam, this is Foolish, and Foolish this is Sam, You both use He slash him pronouns, now, Foolish.” Eret quickly explained, before going straight to business.

“We need to discuss your relation to Philza Minecraft.”

Foolish's eyes blow wide and his mouth pops open.

"Kristen's Dead husband?? Where did you hear about him!?" Foolish blurts out, snapping his gaze between the both of them.

Eret flinched at his reaction, raising a hand to calm the tall, buff golden man down, he did not look like someone you wanted to piss off after all.

"For one, He's not dead, and two, We're friends with him, Wait Have you not seen the news?" Eret asks, blinking, Foolish also blinks before furiously shaking his head.

Sam raises both eyebrows for probably the fifth time in the last two hours, turning to face Foolish's large TV attached to the wall.

"Well, yeah, he's alive, but He's recently been kidnapped by someone named Kristen, a four-hundred-foot tall woman who killed hundreds in the span of minutes. Who seems to be Philza's ex-wife, since He's currently dating someone else." Sam says aloud, keeping one brow raised as he watches the man's reaction.

Foolish still seemed flabbergasted, blinking at the both of them like they grew ten heads.

"Omg! That is... Probably something I should've heard about by now..." He trails off, a grimace appearing on his face.

Sam nod's his head in agreement.

"So what do you know about Phil and This Kristen person?" Eret asks, leaning forward, tilting their sunglasses down somewhat, showing off their unique glowing white eyes.

"uhhhh, well, I'm a pretty young "god", I only heard about Phil from Exdee! Since I've been inside their cult for overpowered individuals, I've heard them both talk about him, and even seen a few statues and paintings of the guy!! He's pretty popular honestly... On the day that Phil died- or, I guess when they thought he died, they'd both get super pissed off, easy to aggravate, and got into fights with one another. All I know is that they both liked him, and fought over him, and then he got crushed beneath a house because of it..." Foolish explains, sounding very worried, he takes a breather once he's done, glancing around the homey living room before leaning in and whispering.

"I... I hadn't told Either of them but I've felt someone, use multiple of my totems over the course of a hundred years, It's been the same person too, I had a hunch it was him... But I couldn't exactly tell the two, more powerful people about that... Who knows what their reaction would be!" Foolish furrows his brows, before leaning back into his chair and sighing.

"Was that all you needed? Or do you want help getting Philza back? Because I really don't like the goddess of death, and I don't much care for Exdee, but the guy is not as bad as her, If you let me join you guys, I'll get him to help you and we can finally kill her." Foolish turned serious, his emerald eyes hardening as he waits for their response.

"Kill? I don't really mind killing her, But doesn't Phil have some kind of attachment to her?" Eret asks, looking between both Sam and Foolish for an answer.

Sam sigh's, shaking his head. "No, he does, but it's more of an abused person with an abusive partner type situation, Not wanting to leave and still having feelings for them, but also needing to leave because their partner is awful to them. I hadn't seen much of their interactions together, but it didn't look healthy." He grimaces.

Eret slumps, nodding as he frowns.

"So I'm allowed into your guy's little group?" Foolish asks, tilting his head.

"Yeah, We need all the help we can get, You're gonna need a disguise though, And after that, we need to introduce you to everyone," Eret says, before standing up, Sam and Foolish quickly follow.

"Of course! I have something that I think will work, I'll let Exdee know about this, he can help us get Phil back and take the goddess of death down." Foolish say's with a grimace of a smile, shaking both of their hands before leading them to the front door, he waved them goodbye as they left.

"Well," Eret says, turning to face Sam "That went pretty well."