Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It had been a slow morning at SVU, although Kat had learned not say that out loud. She was trawling through social media, making sure that there weren’t going to be any nasty surprises coming Carisi’s way when this particular case went to trial next week. It wasn’t the most thrilling of detective work, and Kat wasn’t disappointed when she was interrupted by a woman entering the squad room. “Excuse me? This is Special Victims, right?”

Kat looked up; the woman was wearing dark sunglasses despite being indoors, and Kat knew that was never a good sign. “Yeah, can I help you?”

“I’m looking for Detective Rollins or Captain Benson?” 

It wasn’t unheard of for victims or witnesses to come in looking for specific detectives, and Kat stood from her desk, ready to go and get them, “Oh, sure - I’ll see if they’re available. What was your name?”

“Gina. Gina Carisi.”

Kat hesitated. “Carisi?”

“He’s my brother.”

Amanda and Liv were talking through the upcoming case when Kat knocked on the door, ducking her head in. “Uh, sorry to interrupt - Captain, Rollins. I’ve got… Carisi’s sister is out there asking for you.”

“Carisi’s sister?” Amanda stood up, turning to Kat - surprised, and a little concerned - Sonny's family didn't tend to show up unannounced at the precinct, “Is he okay?”

Kat shrugged. “She didn’t say what it was about. I don’t think it’s about him.”

“Which sister is it?” 

“Gina?”

Amanda followed Kat back out of the office - Gina was the only one of Sonny’s sisters they hadn’t met; she’d heard plenty about her, though - she knew that of all the Carisi siblings she was the one Sonny worried about most - she’d heard him on the phone with her, checking in, heard stories about the kinds of trouble she got herself into, the men she’d dated. 

“Gina, hi,” she said, holding a hand out to shake Gina’s, her gaze going to the sunglasses she was wearing, knowing they probably weren’t for fashion. Her concern deepened. “I’m Amanda Rollins. Kat said you asked for me?”

“Yeah, thank you - I - Sonny talks about you,” Gina offered up a small smile, “He says you’re a great detective.”

Amanda smiled, “We’ve heard a lot about you too,” she said, she nodded her head back in the direction she’d just come. “We can talk in the captain’s office.”

Gina glanced about the room, “Sonny’s not here, is he?”

“No,” Amanda said reassuringly; he had multiple arraignments this morning, and she wasn’t expecting to see him until their tentatively scheduled lunch date this afternoon. “He’s in court. Is everything okay?”

Gina nodded. “Good - that’s good. I don’t,” she bit her lip, lowering her voice, “I don’t know if this anything, and I don’t want him to know I’m here unless… he needs to.”

Amanda’s curiosity was piqued - this definitely wasn’t a social call, and whatever it was, it was serious enough that Gina would show up here, knowing full well that her brother would likely find out what was going on one way or another. She led Gina into Liv’s office, gesturing to the couch. One Gina had sat down, Amanda joined her and gestured towards Liv. “This is Captain Benson, Gina.”

“Hi - Sonny’s told me so much about you,” Gina turned from Liv back to Amanda. “About both of you.”

“You too,” Liv said, leaning forward on her desk, “Is there something we can help you with?”

Gina nodded and removed her sunglasses, revealing an angry purple bruise around her right eye; Amanda’s mouth dropped open, a sense of protectiveness came over her - concern for this woman she didn’t know, but who was a big part of Sonny’s life - who mattered to her because she mattered to him. 

“How did you get that?” she asked, her mind already whirring, knowing exactly how Sonny would react. 

Gina’s eyes travelled from Amanda to Liv and back again, “Please don’t tell Sonny; he’s going to freak out.”

“Who gave you the black eye, Gina?” Amanda asked gently,  “If it was your boyfriend-”

“What?” Gina shook her head fervently, “No, Leo wouldn’t,” she sighed, “I know Sonny doesn’t like him, but he’s a good guy.”

Amanda hadn’t heard much about Gina’s boyfriend, but what she had heard hadn’t been great. Sonny wasn’t a fan, and neither was his father. He had a reputation for being less than reliable, and a tendency towards making poor decisions while drunk. 

“Okay,” Liv said, before Amanda could push the matter further, “So why don’t you tell us what did happen?”

“I’m here about a friend, not me,” Gina insisted, “I just got this because I tried to get involved.”

“With what?” Amanda asked. 

“My friend Ruby - her ex just got out of prison a couple of weeks back; he’s a real violent guy,” Gina explained, “He showed up at her place, wantin’ to pick up where they left off - he’s been gone ten years. But they got kids, so she let him stay and he - he beat her, he raped her. She, uh, she doesn’t think there’s anythin’ the cops can do, because they’re technically still married - but it’s still rape if she didn’t want it, right? It doesn’t matter if they’re married.”

“It’s still rape.”

Gina nodded, “I tried to tell her that - told her Sonny’s had cases like this before, but she just wouldn’t believe me. Anyway, after a few days she dropped off the radar, wasn’t answerin’ messages or anything - so I went over there. I know I shoulda called Sonny, or at least taken Leo with me, but I was worried and I thought it might be easier if it was just me - I was tryin’ to get her to leave him, said she and the kids could stay at my place until it was sorted. I mean, he’s on parole, he can’t just- but then he got back and,” she gestured to her eye. “That was last night, now today she’s not answerin’ my calls again and I’m worried he’s done somethin’ to her.”

Amanda and Liv exchanged glances; nothing about this sounded good. “Okay,” Liv said,  “Well we can send an officer around there, do a welfare check, but if this happened in Staten Island we don’t actually have jurisdiction. I can put in a call to the local precinct-”

“No, no, it happened here - in Manhattan. She - Ruby - she’s got this fancy ass apartment. While he was inside she was seein’ this other guy, a real asshole - she’s always gone for the bad boy type, even when we were kids; and now she thinks she’s damaged so she doesn’t go for anyone worth it.”

Amanda nodded. “Right, so this other guy she’s been seeing?”

“He’s got a wife - kids, the whole shebang. They split maybe three years back? But he’s still payin’ for that apartment because he doesn’t want his family to find out about the affair - Ruby, she has a kid by him. Little girl; she’s only six years old. Guess he’s afraid if he stops payin’ she’ll file for child support.”

“And does her husband know this?” Liv asked.

“He knows Emily’s not his, obviously - he told Ruby he forgives her, like he wasn’t the one who stabbed somebody.” 

“So, your friend, she’s living in Manhattan? I can have a patrol unit sent over now-”

“No - you can’t do that! If he sees them he’ll know I’ve gone to the cops, he’ll take it out on her,” Gina said, “Can’t you - couldn’t someone check in without sayin’ they’re police?”

“You said she has kids,” Liv said, “There’s an easier way, we can start by checking if they’re in school today. Do you know where they go?”

Amanda and Liv got as much information from Gina as they could, ready to set the wheels in motion - they’d do whatever they could to help. While Liv continued to ask questions, Amanda pulled her phone out of her pocket to text the school details to Kat, and found three unread messages from Sonny - he was out of arraignment court and offering to pick up coffee on his way over to the precinct. 

“Carisi’s on his way over here,” she told Liv. 

“He just text you?”

“About ten minutes ago,” Amanda replied, just as she heard Sonny’s voice out in the squad room. 

Gina’s eyes went wide with worry, and she returned the sunglasses to her face. “Please don’t let him know I’m here - he’s gonna hit the roof when he sees my face. He’ll go after Bobby himself.”

Amanda stood up, making her way towards the door, “I won’t let him do anything stupid.”

“You clearly don’t know my brother.”

“Actually,” Amanda heard Liv say as she walked out of the office, “Detective Rollins knows him pretty well. He’ll listen to her.”

Sonny was hovering by her desk, a takeout coffee in each hand, and Amanda didn’t miss the way his eyes lit up when he saw her - it gave her a small thrill, that even after knowing each other as long as they had, he could still be excited to see her; that whatever this thing between them was, this new relationship they had yet to define, it still sparked with the joy of something new and half-secret despite the years it had taken them to get here. “Hey Rollins,” he said, holding out a coffee for her to take - she hadn’t even had time to respond to his message but he’d picked her up one anyway.

She walked over to him and accepted the cup as Sonny nodded towards Liv’s office. “Everythin’ okay? Somethin’ I need to know about?”

Amanda hesitated, reluctant to tank his good mood, but knowing it was inevitable. “No. Well, actually, yeah, but not- not here.”

He gave her a puzzled look, his eyes darting to Kat and Fin, both sat behind their computers pretending they weren't watching them, “What’s goin’ on?”

Amanda nodded towards the break room and he followed her there without question. “Could be more subtle, Amanda,” he said, grinning at her over his coffee cup and taking a step towards her.

She rolled her eyes. “I’m not trying to get you alone,” she sighed, “You should sit down.”

The smile dropped from his face, replaced quickly with worry, and he took the nearest chair. “Is something wrong? Have I-”

Amanda sat opposite him, “No, it’s not this,” she gestured between them. “It’s your sister.”

“My sister-?” His eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

“Gina - she came here to speak to me and Liv.”

The worried expression on his face only deepened, the concern obvious in his voice as he spoke, “What? Is she okay? Did that-”

Amanda held up a hand, cutting off his train of thought. “She swears Leo’s not involved. Listen,” she said, “You need to keep your cool.”

“What’s goin’ on?” 

“Promise me you’ll stay calm,” Amanda said, meeting his eye.

“I- what’s happened to Gina, Amanda?” His voice cracked - worry winning out over any simmering anger, and Amanda took his hand in hers.

“She’s here because she wanted to report an assault - a friend of hers, her ex-husband’s been knocking her about. She just wanted some advice, some help,” Amanda said, hoping to reassure him.

“Why didn’t she come to me?” The concern on his face deepened, inlaid with no small amount of hurt that his sister hadn't come to him first. 

“She’s, uh, she’s worried you’re gonna freak out,” Amanda told him.

He lifted his free hand, gesturing with it before resting his fingertips on his temple, “Why would I do that?”

Amanda gave him a long look, one she hoped conveyed clearly because you’re halfway there already. “Because you get overprotective when it comes to your family.”

“Did someone do somethin’ to Gina?” The edge was back in his voice now; protectiveness and worry lining his face.

“She might have… tried to intervene herself.”

“She did what?” 

Amanda was quick to respond, to cut him off before he wound himself up even further. “She’s okay, a bit shaken up maybe. She’s- she’s got a black eye,” she held up a hand as he rose from his chair, anger radiating off of him now, “Carisi.”

He stopped, watching her carefully, but he didn’t move to sit back down. “Rollins,” he paced the small distance between the table and the vending machines, one hand going to his hair as he moved, his anger bubbling wildly now, “This guy took a hand to my sister-”

“Sonny,” Amanda said, gesturing for him to come back to the table. “Sonny, she’s okay. And the last thing she or her friend need is you going after this guy yourself.”

“Okay,” he sat back down, but his posture remained stiff and he looked out towards the squad room as though expecting to see Gina there. Amanda placed a hand on top of his, and he turned back to look at her. He brought his free hand up to his face, pressing his fist to his mouth. 

They sat in silence for a moment, Amanda keeping her fingers wrapped around his, hoping to ground him. She had seen him angry over his family before - seen this protective side of him with Bella, way back when she still barely knew him, and again, more recently, with Mia - on that occasion he had been wracked with guilt over not being able to protect his niece, and she could see the same distress in him now - the battle between wanting revenge and wanting justice that was flickering in his eyes. She let him sit with it, her thumb running across his knuckles, and she watched him mentally talk himself down before he looked up at her again.

“So who is this friend? Someone I know?”

“Gina says you do - Ruby Bianchi?”

Chapter Text

Sonny was unusually quiet - he’d nodded when Amanda had told him the name of Gina’s friend, but there was something in his eyes that Amanda didn’t like - a flash of discomfort that unsettled her. “You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. Gina’s in Liv’s office, right?”

“Sonny-” she started, but she heard footsteps outside the break room and pulled her hand back from Sonny’s just as Kat walked in. 

“Hey,” she said, “Sorry to interrupt. I just got off the phone with Joey Bianchi’s school - he’s in today. Fin and I are gonna take a ride over there and speak with him. See if he can tell us what’s happening at home. The captain’s just on the phone with Emily’s school.”

“Great, thanks Kat. I’ll go catch Liv.”

Sonny didn’t give Amanda a chance to return to their conversation, he stood up as soon as Kat left, following her out of the door and heading towards Liv’s office. Amanda followed him across the squad room, a step behind him as he knocked on Liv’s door and walked in without waiting for a response.

He nodded to Liv before turning towards Gina, crossing the room in quick strides, the anger from earlier bubbling back to the surface as he caught sight of her, her sunglasses still obscuring her eye. Amanda watched from the door way as he stood in front of the couch, hands on his hips, “Gina, what the hell?”

Gina stood up, a hand out in front of her, “Sonny-”

“Let me see it,” he said, reaching out take off Gina’s sunglasses; she swatted him away with the ease that comes from an entire childhood of taunting and teasing each other. She stepped back from him before removing the sunglasses herself, and Amanda watched as the colour drained from Sonny’s face. He slowly reached a hand out towards his sister, stopping short before he touched her eye. “Gina,” he breathed out, his voice shaky.

“Don’t start,” Gina said, dropping back down onto the couch. 

Sonny stayed standing, his mouth was open but no words were forthcoming as he studied Gina’s face.

Liv broke the silence in the room, standing up and walking over to Amanda. “Amanda, let’s head down to Emily Bianchi’s school - they said that she’s in today, and they’re going to try and reach her mother - hopefully we’ll be able to meet her there.”

Sonny didn’t turn to look at them, his eyes were still on Gina’s bruised face, worry and guilt colouring his expression. Amanda stepped into the room, touching a hand to Sonny’s arm for just a moment. He dropped his gaze from Gina, turning towards Amanda as she gave his forearm a gentle squeeze before following Liv out of the door.

Once Amanda and Liv had gone, Sonny moved to sit beside Gina on the couch, shaking himself off of the road his mind was going down, thoughts swirling with Gina’s black eye, Ruby Bianchi - Ruby Fiorelli as he’d known her - beaten and raped by Bobby Bianchi. And Bobby Bianchi himself, a memory of his face as he stood over Sonny, laughing even as blood clouded Sonny’s vision.

He shook his head at Gina as she leaned into him, “You shoulda let me go with you.”

“Don’t make a big deal out of it,” Gina told him, “It’ll heal. Anyway, you’ve given me worse.”

“I was six!” Sonny protested, holding back a smile. This was a conversation they’d had a thousand times - it was familiar, and it eased some of the tension he was feeling, “Why do you always have to bring that up, huh?”

“You hit me in the face with a baseball, Sonny,” Gina said, her serious expression betrayed by the mirth in her eyes.

“I was aimin’ for Teresa,” he reminded her, and they both broke out into laughter - a moment of light, a moment not to worry about the asshole who’d taken a hand to his sister, or the memory of the boy who’d left Sonny broken and bleeding in a back corridor, his laughter echoing down the hallways. 

When the laughing stopped, and he let his eyes travel again to Gina’s face, she gave him a small smile, “Dominick, I’m okay. It looks worse than it is.”

“Yeah, you try tellin’ that to Dad on Sunday,” Sonny said. “An’ I bet he’s gonna blame me.”

“So maybe I skip out on dinner,” Gina said, though Sonny knew she wouldn’t - Sunday was their father’s birthday and there was no way any of them were missing it, even if the two of them were going to be faced with a lecture an hour long. There was something familiar in that too, Sonny and Gina being raked over the coals for something only one of them had done - usually Gina, somehow keeping Gina out of trouble was considered his responsibility despite her being two years older than him - standing side by side to take their sermon ahead of whatever judgement their mother would meter down upon them. 

“Oh that’s gonna go down well,” Sonny said, leaning back into the couch and shaking his head. 

They sat a moment in silence before Gina grinned at him, “So, you wanna tell me about Detective Rollins?”

Sonny tilted his head towards Gina, hoping his expression didn’t betray anything as he spoke, “What about her?”

“I caught that look when she was leavin’.”

He was saved from answering by his phone ringing - Hadid, no doubt asking for an update on this morning’s arraignments, “Sorry, I gotta take this,” he said, grinning right back at her. 

When Amanda and Liv had gotten to Emily Bianchi’s elementary school the principal informed them that Ruby Bianchi was already en route to the school.

“Emily’s teacher got a bad vibe at drop off this morning, Mrs Bianchi waited in the car and had Emily’s brother bring her in - she never does that. When we got your call Emily’s teacher spoke to her, and we were concerned by some of what she said. We told Mrs Bianchi that Emily wasn’t feeling well and needed to be collected.”

Ruby Bianchi had been surprised to see them there, and a little angry that Gina had gone to the police, but she had reluctantly agreed to come to the station and speak with them. 

Amanda called Sonny on their way back, and he was waiting in the squad room when they got there, leaning against her desk like he belonged there. Gina was sat beside him, and smiled apologetically at Ruby as they approached. Fin and Kat were back from Joey Bianchi’s high school too - having confirmed with him that his father had been violent towards their mother since his return from prison - and Amanda assumed the sullen looking teenager sat beside Fin’s desk was the eldest Bianchi child. 

Amanda walked ahead a little, stopping beside Sonny as Liv and Ruby followed. “This is our ADA,” Liv said by way of introduction, but Ruby clearly already recognised him. 

“Little Sonny Carisi,” she said, and Amanda didn’t like the way her eyes travelled up Sonny’s body, taking him in.

Sonny ducked his head a little awkwardly, “Hey Ruby.”

“Didn’t you grow up nice?”

“Uh, thanks?” He was flustered in a way Amanda had rarely seen, his cheeks pink, and as Kat led Ruby, Emily and Joe towards the interview room, Sonny’s gaze followed them. 

Gina elbowed him sharply in his side. “You really never got completely over that, huh Sonny?”

“What are you talkin’ about?” He frowned.

“Ruby. It’s like you were just possessed by your fourteen year old self,” Gina said teasingly; Sonny’s eyes moved to Amanda before he nudged Gina’s shoulder with all the petulance of a younger brother.

“Alright Gina, you can go now.”

They all made their way to into Liv’s office, leaving Gina sat out in the squad room, and Kat joined them once she had the Bianchis settled in the interview room.

Liv turned to Sonny once the door had been closed, “First thing - Carisi, do you have history with the vic?”

Sonny shrugged; he and Amanda were standing inches apart, and she could see the tension still lingering in the set of his shoulder. “Not really,” he said, “I mean, I’ve known her since we were kids - Gina’s friends were always hangin’ round.”

“What your sister said just now,” Liv continued, “If you need to recuse yourself now is the time to do it.”

“Nah, I’m all good,” Sonny insisted, shaking his head. 

“Carisi, if this is an ex-girlfriend kind of situation-” It wasn’t a thought that Amanda had had until Liv had brought it up, and Amanda shifted minutely closer to Sonny as he answered. 

“No, uh, no. Definitely not,” his cheeks were pink again, “I… I mighta had a bit of a crush on her in middle school, but we’re talkin’ about a lifetime ago.”

“Right,” Amanda said - she didn’t know why but it rankled her; ordinarily the idea of a teenage Sonny having a crush on his sister’s friend would’ve made her laugh, but being faced with it in reality bothered her more than it should have.

“But, uh,” Sonny hesitated, his gaze going to Amanda briefly before turning back to Liv, “Full disclosure; the husband - Bobby. He and I went to school together.”

“Do you know him well?”

“Not really, I haven’t seen him since high school… he dropped out junior year.”

Amanda made a connection then that she hadn’t before, something that explained Sonny’s response to this case far more than his anger at Gina having been hurt, and she could’ve kicked herself for not making the link sooner, for not having connected the dots before now - realising what was tormenting Sonny while they were in a room filled with their friends and colleagues who still believed the two of them were dancing around their feelings didn’t exactly give her any opportunity to try and comfort him. “Wait, Bobby Bianchi - isn’t he the kid that-”

“It was a long time ago,” Sonny said, cutting her off. 

“Carisi-” Amanda took his arm, her fingers curling around his bicep, heedless of Liv’s eyes on them.

“It doesn’t matter,” he insisted, “Let’s just see what Ruby has to say and then you can bring the son of bitch in, job done.”

Liv nodded, putting an end to the conversation. “Rollins, you go speak to Ruby, let her talk you through what’s been happening. Kat - set Joey and Emily up to wait in the break room and keep an eye on them.”

“Hi Ruby, can I get you a drink or anything?” Amanda said as she walked into the interview room. 

“No, no. I’m fine.” Ruby shook her head, and Amanda took a seat opposite her. 

“Okay, so you know why we’re here-”

“Because Gina’s brother’s got pull with SVU?” Ruby said with a roll of her eyes.

“Not exactly… look, Gina reported that you had been assaulted; that’s a crime, that’s why we’re investigating.”

“It’s nothing that Bobby isn’t allowed to take, okay? We never actually got divorced,” Amanda began to notice a crack in Ruby’s facade - the woman behind the eyes that had roamed over Sonny - that had been a front, but there was clearly something beneath the surface that Ruby was barely managing to hide. 

“That’s actually not true, it doesn’t matter whether you’re still married, if Bobby forced you to have sex with him, that’s rape,” Amanda told her firmly. 

“Look, I was moving on with my life - if Bobby hadn’t gotten parole… Joey is fifteen, and Danny he’s twelve. Bobby still had eight years on his sentence, if they hadn’t let him out early they’d have been all grown up by the time he got out. None of this would’ve happened.”

Amanda nodded, “Right, but it has. And Emily, she told her teacher some pretty upsetting things, I’m sure you don’t want this sort of thing to happen around her.”

“She didn’t see anything,” Ruby said firmly, “When Bobby lost his temper, Joe took her to her room, put her to bed. He’s a good brother.”

“That might be true, but she definitely heard some things,” Amanda gave her a soft, encouraging smile, “And, look, I’ve got a little girl, five and a half - I know how much they pick up on, more than you might want them to. So, for Emily’s sake - and for your boys, let us help you.”

Ruby took a moment before she started to speak, playing with her hands on the table in front of her. When she did start speaking, it was as though she couldn’t get the words out fast enough, “They didn’t warn me Bobby was getting out, and I don’t know how he found out where we were living, but he showed up the day he got released - told me he was back to live with his family. I told him no, that we weren’t together anymore. I stopped visiting him years ago, Bobby’s parents took Joe and Danny up to Sing Sing sometimes, but I haven’t been since before Emily was born. I made it pretty clear.”

“But Bobby didn’t get the message?”

“No, so he shows up - says the boys are his kids and he’s staying. That’s that. I thought… well, he can stay for the kids. But I told him he was sleeping on the couch. He lasted maybe two days before he says no, he’s my husband and he’s waited ten years, he’s not waiting anymore,” Ruby’s voice began to waver now, tears forming in her eyes.

“Okay, Ruby, I know this is tough but I need you to be specific - what happened?”

“He forced me into the bedroom, told me he was going to take his god-given rights as a husband, and then he did. Pushed me onto the bed, took what he wanted and left. And then again every day since,” her breathing was stuttering now, and Amanda gave her a moment to collect herself before continuing.

“So, last night? After Gina Carisi visited you?”

“Gina… she shouldn’t have come over. Bobby was mad, I know he hit her - I get it, little Sonny’s your ADA, she’s his sister - but this is all too much,” Ruby swiped at the tears forming her in her eyes and stood up, “Bobby’s going to know something’s wrong when I don’t get home soon; when Emily’s school called they said she was sick - he wasn’t happy about me leaving to get her.”

Amanda held out a hand, gesturing for Ruby to sit back down. “Okay, Ruby, let’s just keep talking and then we can sort that out, okay?”

Ruby sunk back into the chair, swiping angrily at the newly formed tears running down her cheeks as Amanda continued, “So after Gina left?”

“Bobby… he pushed me up against the wall, he, uh, he had his hands on my shoulders, banged my head against the wall. Told me that I shouldn’t let my friends disrespect him like that. He… he yelled at the kids to get to their rooms and then… then he forced me… then he threw me into my bedroom when he was done with me. I wanted to just grab the kids and run but… he sat outside the door all night, drinking and yelling.”

“And when you took the kids to school this morning?”

“Bobby came too, he wouldn’t let me out of the car - he made Joey take Emily into school. Then once we dropped the boys off, we went home - and the same thing, all over again.”

Amanda nodded; Ruby looked defeated, the light gone from her eyes as she stared down at the table. “We’ll need to document your injuries, take you to the hospital for a rape kit… and we’ll pick Bobby up. He’s on parole, we can have him back at Sing Sing before the evening news.”

“My kids-”

“Is there someone who can take them for a while?”

Ruby nodded. “My parents - they live in Staten Island.”

“That’s okay, someone can give them a ride. We can get Danny picked up from school too.”

Ruby nodded gratefully, “Can I- is Gina still here?”

“Yeah,” Amanda nodded, “I think so, I’ll let her in.”

Amanda opened the door, waving Gina over before going back to Liv’s office, where she and Sonny had been watching through the glass. There was a guilty, haunted look in Sonny’s eyes that Amanda wanted nothing more than to sooth away. This wasn’t the time, or the place, but she placed a hand on his arm as she stood beside him, and he blinked out of his thoughts, giving her a weak smile.

Chapter Text

Sonny had lived with a feeling of guilt over Bobby Bianchi for years - since he learned about the guy he’d stabbed and his subsequent arrest. Maybe even before that, back in high school, the first time he saw Bobby pummel another kid once Sonny was no longer his target. He thought about it a lot - an unwelcome reminder every time they dealt with a stabbing, or met with a kid being bullied; it also invaded his late night thoughts, when he was lying in bed and couldn’t drift off to sleep. He’d spent so much time over the last twenty-five years thinking about Bianchi that he almost thought he’d be prepared to see him again. He wasn’t.

Bobby Bianchi was just a taller, broader version of the kid he’d once been; the same nasty look in his eyes; the expression of someone who lived and breathed rage and enjoyed feeling power over those he thought were smaller or weaker than him. 

When Fin and Kat had arrested Bianchi they’d taken him into interrogation, but the first and only word out of his mouth had been “lawyer”, and so now they were waiting. They’d called his parole officer; he hadn’t been surprised, or in a particular hurry to join them at the station. Bianchi was sitting in the interrogation room, thunder on his face, occasionally slamming his hands into the table in front of him impatiently. They watched from inside Liv’s office, waiting for Bianchi’s court appointed attorney to put in an appearance, and Sonny’s eyes kept darting towards the window of the office, looking for whichever sap had gotten stuck defending this no-win case, eager to get the whole thing over with.

He was watching for Amanda, too. She had accompanied Ruby Bianchi to the hospital for an exam and a rape kit; the Bianchi children had been collected by their grandparents while Kat and Fin were arresting their father. The precinct was quieter than usual, quieter than Sonny would’ve liked, leaving him too long with his thoughts - the rest of the squad chatted idly, but Sonny couldn’t concentrate on what they were saying, his gaze going between the squad room and Bianchi, a ball of fear and anxiety sitting in his stomach, wrestling with the way Bianchi somehow made him feel thirteen all over again without even knowing Sonny was in the building. 

Amanda arrived back at the station at almost the same time as the defence attorney did, and when she joined them in Liv’s office her eyes went from Bianchi sitting in interrogation and back to him, an unasked question in her gaze - he nodded, indicating he was okay though he didn’t really feel it. He could tell from her concerned expression that she knew it, too, but she didn’t push. 

After giving Bianchi some time alone with his attorney, Sonny followed Fin as he led the way into interrogation, taking a seat opposite Bianchi as he introduced them both, “I’m Sergeant Tutuola, this is ADA-”

“Carisi,” Bianchi scoffed, “Really. You’re a lawyer now? Makes sense. You never did know when to shut your mouth.”

“Didn’t I?” Sonny said, taking the seat opposite him.

“You didn’t snitch because you were too fucking scared,” Bianchi spat out.

He might be an ADA now, but Sonny had been a cop for a long time. He knew how to play a suspect, how to get them to talk themselves into a corner. He knew how to hide his emotions during an interrogation - had hidden disgust, anger, revulsion, and even fear in the past. The young Sonny Carisi inside him was willing him to run from the room, but ADA Carisi wasn’t about to be overcome by Bianchi again - and he definitely wasn’t about to let Bianchi know he could still get to him.

“We’re here to talk about you, Bobby,” Sonny said, keeping his voice steady. “And about your ex-wife.”

“We’re still married,” Bobby said, “And I didn’t do anything she didn’t want or deserve.”

“So you admit to assaulting Ruby, then?” Fin said. “Makes our job a hell of a lot easier - and we’ve already called your parole officer.”

“I’m not admitting to anything, and you can’t prove anything.”

“We can,” Sonny said, “And the DA’s office intends to prosecute you for both the assault on your wife and on her friend-”

Bobby rolled his eyes, “Your sister, you mean?”

Sonny ignored him, and Bianchi’s lawyer interjected, “Are we talking about parole violations here or are you bringing new charges against my client?”

“Both. The assault alone is a clear violation of the conditions of his parole, and we’ll also be charging Mr Bianchi with rape one.”

Bianchi pushed his chair back from the table, turning towards his lawyer, “Can he do that?”

“Technically, yes,” the lawyer said, then turned back to Sonny, “but I think that there’s room for negotiation here, Mr Carisi.”

“We’re willing to offer rape two. 5 years. He goes on the registry,” Sonny said flatly. He was in no mood to give Bianchi a pass on this - there was a big part of him that was determined to make this stick as a way of atoning for his mistakes, of making it up to the people Bianchi had been able to hurt because Sonny had kept his secret all those years ago.

“Served concurrently with the remainder of his sentence?” 

Sonny shook his head, “No, that’s not on the table.”

“Wait,” Bianchi said, “I’m not agreeing to any deal - I’m not admitting to anything,” he stood up, one hand on the table and the other pointed directly at Sonny, “Take it to trial, Carisi, you won’t win. You haven’t got the balls for it.”

Sonny walked straight out of interrogation, tension bubbling through him - he'd needed to get out of there, to get away from Bianchi because that beaten and bloodied teenager that was eating away inside of him wanted revenge, wanted to show Bianchi that he wasn’t helpless anymore, wanted to make amends with his fists instead of in the courtroom. Sonny pushed the anger and frustration down as he walked into Liv’s office - he knew the best way to handle this was to stay calm, and use every inch of the law to lock Bianchi away until he could no longer hurt anyone else.

“What’s the deal with you and this guy, Carisi?” Kat asked as he walked into the office, Fin close behind. “He steal your lunch money or something?”

Sonny ran a hand through his hair, taking a deep breath. He looked to Amanda, who knew, and Liv, who had probably remembered that old story by now. He could sense Fin behind him, knew the gears in his head must be turning too, making the connection between a story he thought Sonny had made up and this very real person in front of them, this very real person who had tormented Sonny for most of his childhood and whose image still returned to him to remind him of his failure to act all those years ago. 

He sighed, leaning against the wall, looking at Kat as he spoke but hyper-aware of the rest of the squad around him, of their eyes on him and Amanda’s presence at his side. “When… when I was thirteen I was, uh, I was the smallest kid in my class - and the other guys, they liked screwin’ with me, I guess. Someone’s always the littlest kid, right?” he shrugged, “So one day, Bianchi, he, uh, he gets me on my own and he’s messin’ with me, as usual, and I musta said somethin’ back, mouthed off, I don’t remember but, uh, next thing I know he’s got me by my hair. He shoved my face right through a plate glass window. There was… blood and glass everywhere, my hands, my face, in my eyes…”

Amanda reached out to place a hand on his shoulder and he stiffened, not expecting her touch, but he didn’t pull away. He paused for a second before continuing.

“Anyway, I never… I never said who did it, Bobby, he… he got away with it. Didn’t change anythin’, least not until I hit a growth spurt and he started lookin’ out for other targets. Everythin’ that happened after that, everyone he hurt, that’s on me… so that’s it. That’s the deal.”

“Sonny-” Amanda started, and he turned his head to look at her, giving a small shake of his head. Hoping she understood that it was not a no, but a not now. She squeezed his shoulder once before stepping away again, giving him his space. He ducked his head, avoiding everyone’s eyes before he shrugged off the cloud covering him.

“Like I said - it was a long time ago. Right now I just wanna get him away from his family.”

After talking to Ruby Bianchi, Amanda had already been keen to get a run at Bobby - to make him admit to what he’d done so they could ship him back to Sing Sing until he was too old and tired to beat on anyone - and that desire had only increased when she’d seen his interactions with Sonny and the mark it had left on him. Sonny was good at putting up a wall, at making it seem as though things didn’t bother him, but Amanda had known him too long and knew him too well to believe he was unaffected - she could see the slight strain in his eyes, the furrow of his brow, the way he held his shoulders stiffly, his hands balled into fists because he was holding back on letting out that anxiety and anger. 

She introduced herself to Bianchi as she and Fin sat down in front of him, but didn’t waste any more time on pleasantries. “So why don’t you tell us your side of the story.”

“What side is there to tell?” Bianchi said, “Sonny Carisi has a vendetta against me - he must’ve put his sister up to this.”

Amanda couldn’t roll her eyes any harder.

Bianchi’s lawyer held up a hand, “Mr Bianchi is aware that those assertions will be hard to prove at this stage, but he is maintaining he neither raped nor assaulted his wife.”

“And Gina Carisi?” Amanda asked.

“Self-defence; she showed up in our apartment, harassing my wife,” Amanda didn’t like the cocky smirk Bianchi broke out into; she wanted nothing more than to knock it off of his face. “When I asked her to leave she came at me. Crazy bitch.”

“Okay,” Fin said, “Let’s wind back a bit Bianchi. Your relationship with your ex-wife.”

“As I told your lawyer buddy, we’re still married. Our relationship is solid - she stood by me while I was at Sing Sing.”

Fin gave Bianchi a look of disbelief, “Stood by you while she had a kid with another man?”

“Everyone’s entitled to one mistake in nineteen years of marriage,” Bianchi said, he almost looked like he believed what he was saying. 

“Did it make you mad though,” Amanda goaded him, “Coming home to the evidence of your wife’s betrayal?”

“Look, Ruby made a mistake, and she’s made it up to me since.”

“Made it up to you how?”

He leaned across the table, his face only inches from Amanda’s and she felt her skin crawl. “You want details, sweetheart?”

“What we want, Bobby, is for you to tell us the truth,” she said, not pulling back - she didn’t want to give him the satisfaction. 

“Your wife’s got a lot of bruises,” Fin interjected, and Bianchi sunk back into his chair with a shrug. 

“She’s clumsy.”

“And the hand prints on her shoulders?” Amanda asked.

“She’s very clumsy.”

“That’s what you wanna go with, huh?” Fin shook his head, “And the results of the rape kit we’ve done?”

“Well, she’s my wife - we had sex, my DNA’s gonna be all over her.”

Amanda was done; Bianchi wasn’t going to confess to anything today, and the assault on Gina was more than enough for him to be booked on his parole violation - regardless of the self-defence excuse he was trying to throw into the mix.

Fin had clearly reached the same conclusion, because he stood up and walked around the table, ready to haul Bianchi to his feet and away to processing. “I think we’ve heard enough,” he said, and Amanda couldn’t have agreed more.

Chapter Text

Amanda found Sonny in the break room once she and Fin had taken Bianchi to holding. He was staring at the contents of the vending machine, not choosing anything, his hand resting against the glass. He startled when she approached him. “Hey, you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he said, turning towards her, a forced smile fixed to his face. Amanda reached out to him, a hand on his forearm and he turned fully, slumping back against the vending machine. He looked tired and a little lost; a far cry from the way he had looked when he brought her coffee just a few short hours ago.

“Tough day today, huh?” She said, brushing her thumb up and down on the sleeve of his suit jacket.

“It was a lot,” he said, closing his eyes and tilting his head back against the machine behind him. Amanda closed the gap remaining between them, and she gripped at the lapels of his suit jacket, tugging him closer until he opened his eyes and wound his arms around her, letting himself draw comfort from her. She released her grip on his jacket, her hands sliding down the material and around to his back.

They held each other only for a brief moment, but when they pulled apart she took his right hand in hers, squeezing it reassuringly as she looked up at him, “Do you wanna talk about it?”

“No,” he shook his head. “Not right now- I just want- can I come over tonight?”

She gave him a small smile, happy to be able to do something to help. “Yeah, of course,” she looked down at their linked hands, giving his fingers another light squeeze. "You wanna see the girls or spend the night?”

“Both?” he asked, and she nodded. 

“Perfect.” They were still navigating this new change in their relationship, still working out where the lines should get drawn. Nothing had been defined yet, and there were nights he came by just to be ‘Uncle Sonny’ - to cook with Jesse and play with both girls; to read bedtime stories with elaborate character voices and kiss their foreheads as they drifted off to sleep; there were nights he came later - caught up with work but wanting to see her enough that he’d sneak into the apartment after the girls had gone to bed - those nights were filled whispers of Dominick, with kisses and hands and mouths and all of the things they had been holding back for seven years. Her favourite nights were the nights where she got both - where he’d come home with her after work and they’d hold hands on the way up to the apartment and greet the girls together; where once Jesse’s eyes were closed, night light on, he would join Amanda on the couch and things would be the way they had always been, except that now she was allowed to touch, to kiss, to lead him to her bedroom. He’d stay the night and she would get to wake up to the sound of his heartbeat beneath her head; Jesse and Billie would scramble into the bedroom and they’d begin the day together like a family. 

Amanda had been in the periphery of Sonny’s mind all afternoon - her arms around him in the break room easing the ache in the pit of his stomach; when they’d finished up with Bianchi and he had to go back to his own office she had walked him down the elevators, taking his hand in hers briefly while there were no eyes on them. He had taken the risk of kissing her then - just a brief press of his lips to hers, that he hoped told her thank you as much anything else. He knew that she was worried, knew that she could see through the wall he’d put up - that she hadn’t believed for a second that he was okay after retelling the Bobby Bianchi story. It was strange, having it out in the open - he had told that story precisely once before, to Kyle Turner in an attempt to convince him to tell the whole truth about his father’s abuse. This was different - it had felt different telling the squad today, even if most of them had heard the story the first time around - like he was sharing a part of himself that he’d kept locked away; his failure to report Bianchi, and the subsequent pain Bianchi had inflicted on others, was something he carried with him daily, a deep guilt that he was ashamed to share with them. He hadn’t been able to look any of them in the eye afterwards, either - not wanting to see judgement there, or worse, pity.

Amanda, he knew, didn’t judge him for it. They’d never spoken about the specifics of what happened with Bianchi - back when he told the story the first time the two of them were still only just beginning to blur the lines between friendship and romance, but even back then she’d seen straight to the heart of him - while Fin had accepted the story as quick thinking on Sonny’s part, Amanda had known right away that it was the truth - and while he’d avoided her questions about it afterwards, their brief interaction was enough for him to know she didn’t think less of him, even if he thought less of himself.

He hadn’t gotten much work done the rest of the afternoon - he didn’t have much to prepare for Bianchi’s arraignment, and once that was done he found he couldn’t focus on any of his other upcoming cases. He checked the clock frequently, hoping for five-thirty to get closer a little faster, no intention of staying late tonight, and had just noted the time at five-fifteen when he heard little voices in the space outside his office, the tapping of tiny shoes against the linoleum floor - he glanced up at the window and saw Jesse and Billie running towards his door; it was ajar and Jesse didn’t hesitate to push it open, even as Sonny heard Amanda behind her telling her to knock.

“Uncle Sonny!” Jesse yelled at the sight of him - she ran into the office, spinning around and taking it in. The girls hadn’t visited him here before and it felt good to have them in this space. “You got my picture up!” she said, pointing the colourful drawing taped to his filing cabinet, and he smiled.

“It’s the best thing in this room,” he told her. Billie ducked under her sister’s arms, toddling around his desk and holding up her arms to be lifted; he gladly swept her up, sitting her on his lap.

“Hey,” Amanda said, smiling from the doorway, “I had Sienna meet me out front, thought you might like to sneak out a little early.”

“Yeah,” he smiled over at her, his hand stroking Billie’s hair as she played with his tie, “Yeah, that sounds good.”

Later, once the girls had been bathed and put to bed - with two whole stories from Uncle Sonny - he joined Amanda in the living room, ready for the conversation he knew was coming. She was lounging across the couch cushions and he tapped her legs when he reached her; she lifted them long enough for him to sit down before stretching out again, resting her feet in his lap; he turned, giving her a lazy smile as he placed his hands on her shins. She smiled back at him, and he could see so much there - could see how much she cared for him, how she wanted to comfort and protect him, just as he had tried to do for her dozens of times.

“So, Bobby Bianchi,” she said, “He’s a piece of work.”

“Yeah, always was,” Sonny replied, turning his head to look at her. “I guess some people never change.”
 
She leaned back, her elbow on the arm of the couch, hand propping up her head as she watched him, “You know I’m proud of you, right?” she said, and he blinked.

“Why? I haven’t done anythin’ to be proud of.”

“I know it can’t have been easy, facing him today, but you did it. And you’re gonna take this to trial and get justice for the people he’s hurt.”

“I hope so,” he said, curling his fingers around her leg.

“You will,” she said confidently, and he gave her a small, disbelieving smile. He appreciated her attempt at bolstering him, but it didn’t make the gnawing in his gut go away.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, his fingers tapping the side of her leg, her eyes on him. He sighed, tilting his head back into the couch cushions. “I just… I can’t help but feel responsible.”

“For what? You’re not his keeper, Sonny,” Amanda said. She pulled her legs away from him, curling them under her as she moved the rest of her closer to him on the couch, leaning a hand on his shoulder and resting her head against it.

“But if I’d just-” he sighed, “I’ll never not regret keepin’ it to myself. Everyone he hurts, that’s kinda on me.”

“How many times have you told a victim that they’re not responsible for their attacker’s actions?”

“It’s not the same, Amanda. I coulda - I’m not sayin’ I deserved to get my head bashed through a window - I mean, I was kinda askin’ for it, mouthin’ off-”

Amanda lifted her head from his shoulder, sitting upright and looking right at him; he could see the frustration and sadness in her gaze, hear it in her voice as she emphatically responded, “Dominick, there is no asking for it.”

“Yeah, yeah I know- it’s, uh, it’s easier to say that to someone else,” he sighed; he looked straight out ahead of him, not meeting her eyes, “But what I meant is I made a choice not to say who did it, an’ then Bobby, he thought was untouchable. Me bein’ too afraid to tell the truth, that’s- that’s what made him think he could do whatever he wanted for the rest of his life.”

“You were thirteen,” Amanda said, “You can’t spend the rest of your life being ashamed of this.”

He turned to look at her, knowing she’d be able to see the lingering guilt and sorrow in his eyes, but not feeling any need to hide it from her. “Can’t I?” 

She moved closer to him again, putting her head back on his shoulder and reaching out for his left hand with hers, idly playing with his fingers. She didn’t answer, didn’t push him to keep talking, but his brain wasn’t about to let him rest. “Y’know, I didn’t get that many scars from it, I always kinda felt like that was lettin’ me off too easy.”

“You know what you sound like, don’t you?” Amanda said.

“Yeah, doesn’t stop me thinkin’ it though.”

She released his hand, winding her arm across him instead, drawing him in close as she pressed a kiss to his shoulder; knowing she was there, that she was listening, just kept on bringing out the things he’d tormented himself with alone all this time. They’d known each other for years, and she knew him better than anybody, but this shift in their relationship, it gave him an extra push, like he didn’t need to hold back anymore, didn’t need to keep on pretending nothing affected him - hiding his hurt away, saving his darkest thoughts only for the confession booth, where they would be held in secret.

Amanda was here, and she wanted to hear him, to know him, even the parts of himself he wasn’t proud of, and so he continued, “Seeing him… I just, I felt like that scrawny, scared little kid again. Almost felt helpless.”

“But you’re not helpless this time around, Carisi,” she pressed another kiss to his shoulder before lifting her head, looking at him with pride, with something like love in her eyes, “You’re gonna take him down.”

He kissed her gratefully, drawing her in as close as they could get, and she rested her head on his chest, his arm coming around her, a comfortable silence coming over them until he was ready to speak again.

“I’m sorry, I come over an' spend the whole night just offloadin’ on you.”

Amanda shook her head, “How many times have you let me do the same?”

“That’s not the point,” he protested, but she didn’t let him - she sat up again, making sure he was looking right at her when she continued.

“It is, Sonny,” she took his hand again, “Hey, you and I, we’re… I’m here for you, okay? Whatever you need.” He leaned forward, cupping her cheek in his hand as he took her bottom lip between his; they kissed slowly, leisurely for a moment before he pulled back, dropping his hands from her face but still close enough that his nose was brushing hers.

She ran her hand down his right arm, her fingers entangling with his when she reached his hand. “You looking for a distraction?” she said, taking his hand up under her sweater, leaving into rest just below her ribcage, her skin warm against his palm.
 
“I’m lookin’ for you,” he breathed out before kissing her again, gently pushing her into the couch, the hand under her sweater stroking leisurely across her ribcage. 

He broke their kiss to move his mouth to her neck and felt a jolt of pride as she bit back a groan, “Well, how about we go-”

Her words were cut off by a cry from the girls’ bedroom, and he lifted his mouth from her neck as Billie cried out, “Momma!”

“Sorry,” Amanda whispered, reaching up to run a hand through his ruffled hair as he began to pull back.

“Don’t be,” he pressed his lips to hers again briefly before moving off of her completely, watching as she smoothed her sweater back down, heading towards the girls’ bedroom. 

He sat upright on the couch for a moment before moving to clear away their glasses and turn off the living room lights; by the time she emerged, having soothed Billie back to sleep, he was already leaning in the doorway to her bedroom, an eyebrow raised suggestively, and she laughed as she approached him, winding her arms around his neck before kicking open the bedroom door and tugging him in after her. 

Chapter Text

Walking into the courtroom on Friday morning felt worse than walking into home room the Monday after Bobby had pushed his head through a window - the terror that had overwhelmed him then was threatening to do the same now. But Sonny wasn’t thirteen anymore, and Bobby had far more to lose than he did. The courtroom was his territory - his battleground - in the same way that school had been Bobby’s back then. He had allies this time, too, the squad didn’t need to be here for arraignment - it was going to be quick - but they were, Amanda’s hand touching his back as they walked into the courtroom. 

Bobby's lawyer had somehow convinced the probationary judge to allow Bobby to remain out on parole while the investigation was ongoing, and Bobby was still sticking to his not guilty plea, but there would be no reason to grant bail, and Sonny went in as confidently as he could do while facing the monster from his childhood nightmares.

“People on bail?”

Bobby turned his head towards Sonny, his eyes narrowed in a clear attempt to intimidate him, but Sonny shrugged it off and continued on steadily and confidently. “Remand. The defendant is accused two counts of assault and the rape of his ex-wife, and is also currently being investigated on a clear violation of his parole.”

“Your honour, the defendant has already been subject to a parole violation hearing and the judge has ruled a return to probation on those charges pending the outcome of this investigation. The defendant has ties to the community and children whose lives he has only just been able to return to. We request ROR.”

“Given the seriousness of the charges and the parole violation, I see no reason to grant bail; the defendant is remanded to Rikers pending investigation.”

It was too early to celebrate - the lack of bail had been all but assured anyway - but Sonny did feel a jolt of pride as he exited the courtroom; Amanda hung back as the rest of the squad headed out of the courthouse, and once they were alone, leaning up against a wall in the corridor, she curled her fingers around his wrist, giving him a smile that told him she was proud, even of this small thing.

He wanted to kiss her right there in the courthouse hallway, but that felt like pushing their luck, so he settled for returning her smile as he pulled out his phone to update Gina.
 
“So, what happens next?” Gina asked.

“Bobby’ll sit at Rikers over the weekend - the trial date will most likely be set for early next week, unless he changes his mind about the plea,” Sonny explained. “You’ll probably have to testify.”

“Do you think he will?”

Sonny shook his head, despite the fact that Gina couldn’t see him, “He seemed pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to get a conviction, I think he’ll go to trial just to try an’ get one over on me again.”

“What do you mean, again, Sonny?” He could hear confusion and suspicion in Gina’s tone, and he felt like a teenager caught under their mother’s gaze. 

“Just school, y’know,” he said, trying to deflect, “He was kinda an asshole.”

The rest of Friday played out quietly - he caught up on other cases, and was ready to go as soon as five-thirty rolled around. He spent Friday night and all of Saturday in a bubble of Amanda and the girls - the lightest things in his life - and he reluctantly kissed her goodbye on Sunday morning to head out to Staten Island. In the doorway, as she reached out a hand to tug him back for one last kiss - and he still couldn’t believe that this was something that happened between them - he almost asked her to come with him. He was so ready for his two worlds to combine, to have his two families together, but he also didn’t want to subject Amanda to his whole family at once. He’d made a decision, too, about Bobby, about the secret he’d kept almost thirty years, and having Amanda there would give him courage, but this was something he needed to do alone. Still, he lingered, ducking back for a third last kiss while Jesse laughed at them from the living room and his phone buzzed in his pocket, no doubt Gina asking if he was nearly at her place. 

She was out front when he got there, and she slid into the passenger seat with an impatient eye roll. She looked into the back of the car and frowned. “So Amanda isn’t invited either?”

“What?” He didn’t look at her, knowing she’d read his expression in an instant.

“I just figured you’d be picking me up with her and the kids in the car,” Gina said, “I thought that was why you were late.”

Sonny was quick to change the subject, before Gina asked one too many questions, “Did Dad actually say you couldn’t bring Leo?”

“No, but he didn’t need to,” Gina sighed, “I don’t get why you guys hate him so much.”

“Might have somethin’ to do with the fact that he got arrested for gettin’ in a barfight the night before he was meant to meet Mom and Dad for the first time.”

“He was drinking ’cause he was nervous,” Gina countered, and Sonny settled in for an hour of Gina ranting about how her family never thought her boyfriends were good enough.

When he parked the car in their parents driveway he turned to Gina - one last moment of solidarity before they went inside. Gina might have tried to cover her black eye with make up, but they both knew their mother would see right through it. “Okay,” he said, “Let’s just bite the bullet. Tell Mom what happened right away and get it over with.”

“Sonny, it’s Dad’s birthday, we shouldn’t-”

He shook his head, “It’s better if we do.”

Their mother threw her arms around him the second he walked through the door, and just as he’d suspected, she stopped short when she saw Gina. “What happened?” she asked, a worried frown crossing her face.

“It’s nothing, Mom,” Gina said, hugging her.

“It wasn’t Leo,” Sonny chimed in as he greeted their father. “Happy Birthday, Dad.”

“Happy Birthday to me, and your sister’s got a black eye. You not lookin’ out for her in the city?”

Gina had moved forward now, hugging their dad close. “It’s not Sonny’s fault,” she said, “And he’s already given me a lecture.”

They were able to put off answering too many questions until later in the evening - deflecting at every turn and reminding their parents that this was a celebration. After dinner though, once Bella’s children had been excused to watch television in the living room, and everybody was on at least their second glass of wine, Gina told their family the basics of the story - that Bobby had gotten out of prison, that he had hurt Ruby, and that he had hit Gina when she tried to protect her friend. Their parents were proud of that, if they were appalled that she’d dared do it alone.

“You coulda taken your so-called boyfriend with you,” their father huffed, “Or y'know, called your brother - the cop.”

“I’m not a cop anymore, Dad-” Sonny cut in, but his father waved him off.

“You know cops.”

Gina nodded, taking a sip from her wine glass. “I could've done that, sure. But it’s too late now. Anyway, Sonny’s old unit are investigating and he’s going to prosecute the case, so he’s helping me now.”

“This is your case?” His father asked, pride on his face once again as he reached over to clap Sonny on the shoulder. “That’s my boy.”

Sonny shrugged him off - his stomach was a knot of nerves once again. He knew he had to tell his parents the truth about what had happened with Bobby all those years ago, but it was opening up an old, raw wound. 

His mother had sobbed when she’d seen him in the nurse’s office - he was covered in blood; dozens of small cuts covering his face, his neck, behind his ears - his hands and arms were scraped and bloodied too, and his once white t-shirt had turned an ominous red. He had been fighting tears since he’d hauled himself up from the floor and stumbled towards the nurse’s office - somehow no one had heard the commotion, or if they had, nobody had come to help him. He had held in those tears until he saw her, until she cupped his broken and bleeding face in her hands and kissed his forehead and told him she loved him. 

His father had been angry - angry at the school, angry at Sonny for not standing up for himself, and angrier still when he wouldn’t name his attacker. Sonny hadn’t known then, at thirteen, but his father was angriest at himself, for not protecting him from his bullies, for not doing something sooner. When he was much older, one night sitting out on the back porch with a beer, his father had told him that he felt guilty for all the times he’d pushed Sonny to be tougher - and that was the moment something shifted in their relationship, the moment they began to know each other. 

Telling his parents the truth now was going to tear open the stitches they’d covered that incident with - would bring back feelings they had all long buried. He wished he’d told Gina on the ride over here, interrupted her rantings to reveal this secret so that he had an ally in the room. He wished again that he had invited Amanda along too, that Jesse and Billie were watching TV just a few feet away and he could have Amanda’s hand in his while he faced this part of his past. But it was right that he did this himself, and so he took a deep breath and then looked first to his mother, then his father. 

“The thing is- I know I never said an’ I- I wanna get justice now, I wanna take this to trial an’ get a conviction for Ruby and those kids, but- but also kind of… for myself.”

His father frowned. “Why?”

“You, uh, you remember - in seventh grade. I- the window-” he stuttered, breaking off - unable to say the words aloud.

“Of course I remember,” his mother said, her voice shaking with the memory of that awful day, “That was one of the worst days of my life - getting that phone call, seeing my baby all covered in blood-” 

His father’s voice was steadier than his mother's, but there was something unsettling there, “Sonny, what are you saying?” he said; it was barely more than a whisper, and a cloud came over his father’s face.

“It was- it was him.”

“Bobby Bianchi,” his father confirmed.

“Yeah.” Sonny couldn’t meet his eye - couldn’t meet any of their eyes - Bella reached over to squeeze his arm where it lay on the table between them, his fingers curled around the stem of his wine glass.

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell us,” his mother said, “All these years.”

“I didn’t - didn’t want to make things worse. I wasn’t brave enough to-”

“Mario Bianchi always bragging about those star athletes of his,” his father spat out - angrier than Sonny had ever seen him, but not in a volatile way, it was a quiet, deep set anger that filled Sonny with regret; the relief he’d hoped for in telling this story had come, but it was overshadowed by the pain in his family’s faces. “I bet he knew, this whole time - that twisted kid-”

“Dad. It’s not worth getting upset over now, not today. Please.”

His father nodded, and they were all silent for a moment.

“Sonny, you should’ve told us, we would’ve done something.”

“Mom, honestly, I just- I wanted you to know, but I don’t wanna keep worryin’ over it, it’s in the past now. Can we change the subject?”

“I got a change of subject,” Gina interjected, she met his eye reassuringly, and for half a second Sonny was relieved - until she finished that thought. “Sonny’s got a new girlfriend.”

“Gina,” he hissed.

“What? You do,” she said smugly, and he had to credit her a little, because the whole atmosphere in the room had lifted, an excited bubble coming over his mother and his sisters.

His mom wiped a stray tear from her eye as she smiled over at him, “Do you? Sonny?”

“It’s not-”

Bella nudged him with her shoulder, “Sonny, who’s the girl?”

“Gina’s jumpin’ to conclusions,” Sonny said, but there was a smile he could barely contain hovering behind his lips and he knew the second his mother caught it. 

“Oh am I?” Gina pointed at him across the table, “You’re really gonna lie to Mom and Dad? On Dad’s birthday?”

“Dominick, you know we didn’t raise you to lie,” his father said - the cloud was gone from his face, too, replaced with a knowing smile.

“Not you as well, Dad,” he groaned.

“Come on, Sonny,” Teresa said, “Tell us about your girlfriend. What’s her name?”

“Fine,” he held up his hands in surrender, “but, for the record, we haven’t put a label on it.”

“Sonny,” Bella said, dragging out his name the way she would when they were children, “You’re stalling.”

He gave her a glare but it was half-hearted; his family could all see the grin he was struggling to hold back as he dropped his eyes to the table, “It’s, um, her name is Amanda.”

“Wait, Amanda?” Bella said, excitement coming over her,“As in the Amanda?”

“Why are you saying her name like that?”

“Sonny, is it that Amanda?” His mom’s turn to quiz him now, “Your partner Amanda?”

He sighed, rubbing at his eye and resigning himself to spending the rest of the evening being interrogated by his family, “Yeah, yeah, it’s, uh, it’s Amanda Rollins, yeah.”

“Since when?”

“A couple months.”

His dad gave him a stern look that was betrayed by a smile that matched Sonny’s own, “A couple months an' you didn’t bring her to my birthday dinner.”

“Well, it’s your day, Dad.”

His dad clapped him on the shoulder again; a return of his earlier pride, albeit for a different reason now, “And you think I don’t wanna meet the woman my only son’s gonna marry?”

Sonny felt his eyes widening and he lifted a hand to punctuate his response, “Hey, hey, Dad, you’re gettin’ ahead of yourself there.”

“Well, you’ll just have to bring her next time, okay?” We’ll set up a day. You can bring her and those beautiful girls of hers.”

“Mom-”

“No arguments, Sonny,” she smiled, “I’m really happy for you. We all are.”

As the evening wore on they quizzed him further, wanting to know everything - Gina and Bella pushing for details he had absolutely no intention of sharing with anyone - they revelled in his happiness and he let it wash over him, let it smooth away the cracks formed by the return of Bobby Bianchi to his life. He would revisit the topic with his parents again - once the trial was over and everything was decided, but for now he let it all fall away, a problem for tomorrow, not tonight.

Chapter Text

Amanda was at her desk working her way through a backlog of case reports she’d been neglecting over the past few shifts when she looked up to find Ruby Bianchi standing in front of her, “Detective Rollins, right?”

“Yeah, hi Ruby, everything okay?”

Ruby nodded, “Captain Benson asked me to come in - she said wanted to go over some things before- before the trial.”

“Of course; she’s just in with the Deputy Chief right now but if you take a seat you can wait,” she gestured to Kat’s empty chair and Ruby sat down, a little uneasy. Amanda dropped her gaze back to her laptop, not wanting to push Ruby into a conversation.

Ruby broke their silence herself barely a minute later, “You’re dating Gina’s brother, right?”

“Oh,” Amanda glanced up to check if anyone had overheard - neither Fin nor Kat were in the squad room, and nobody else seemed to be paying them any attention, “I, uh, yeah.”

Dating wasn’t exactly the right word for whatever it was she and Sonny were doing - they had only been out on something you could class as a date once - dinner two weeks into their tentative steps towards a relationship, with Sienna staying late, and the two of them sitting awkwardly across from each other at a restaurant they would never have gone to otherwise. It didn’t work for them - sure, a meal together could be romantic and she’d never regret spending time with him, but the whole date set up was too formal - it was something you did when you were getting to know someone, and Sonny already knew her better than anyone. They’d skipped out on dessert, made out in the cab on their way back to Amanda’s place, and arrived in time to finish up Jesse’s second bedtime story. But they hadn’t put any other label on things either - it wasn’t dating, because dating was something you did before you reached this point in a relationship, but calling him her boyfriend just didn’t sound right either. Ruby didn’t need her to unpack that though, so instead Amanda said, “Yeah, I guess you could say that.”

“He’s a nice guy,” Ruby said, a sad sort of smile on her face.

“Yeah, he is,” Amanda replied, ignoring the voice in the back of her head that always crept in when she thought about how much nicer he was than the guys she usually went for. These days it sounded irritatingly like her father. 

“Gina keeps telling me I need to let myself like a nice guy-” Ruby started, her eyes going wide as she caught Amanda’s expression - not knowing that Amanda was frowning that niggling voice, “Not that I- I’ve known Sonny since he was like nine.”

Amanda smiled, shaking her head, “It’s okay. I get it. And for what it’s worth? Gina’s right.” Letting herself admit to her feelings for Sonny was the best decision Amanda had made in a long time, and she wasn’t going to let her self-doubt take that away from her. “And I bet Carisi was real cute when he was in elementary school.”

“Oh, talk of the devil,” Ruby said, turning her head as Sonny approached them. He hesitated when he spotted Ruby sat opposite Amanda, but continued his journey across the squad room after barely a second’s pause - he handed Amanda a coffee and she accepted it gratefully. 

“Liv’s still in with Garland,” she told him. 

He nodded and turned to Ruby, “Did the captain call you in?”

“Yeah, she said there were some questions you guys needed to go over before the trial. Will it- do you know when it’s going to start?”

Sonny nodded “Set for Thursday, but don’t worry, we’ll go over your testimony today, and again before the trial starts.”

Amanda watched Sonny interact with Ruby; his reassuring tone, the way he projected an air of confidence that she would buy too if she didn’t know him so well. Although she missed him being her partner, missed the ease that came with working side by side with someone you knew so well, she had to admit that being a prosecutor looked good on him, and she made a mental note to tell him so.

He enquired after Ruby’s children, reassured her they wouldn’t need to testify, and it wasn’t long before Garland emerged. Sonny took Kat’s now empty desk chair as Liv lead Ruby back into her office, and he smiled fondly at Amanda while he waited.

“So I guess I won’t be seeing much of you for the next couple of days then?” Amanda asked, keeping her tone light - she’d miss him, even if she saw him at work every day, but she knew how important his job was when the personal stakes weren’t this high - she knew how wrapped up he could get in a case and this one would only be more consuming.

He nodded, “I think I’m gonna be workin’ late, I don’t wanna be hit with any surprises if I miss somethin’.”

“I get it,” she smiled, not wanting to add to his guilt, “You’re not gonna miss anything though, Sonny. You’ve got this.”

“I guess we’ll see in court,” he said; he picked up a pen that was lying idle on Kat’s desk and fiddled with it, not meeting her eye - the mask of confidence he’d used with Ruby had dropped now, but she knew he wasn’t looking for another pep talk. 

She reached over to put a hand on his, stilling his movements, “You should come over when you’re done for the night.”

“You’ll probably already be in bed,” he said, looking up at her at last.

“Doesn’t mean you can’t join me.”

Sonny had joined Ruby and Liv in her office once they’d had time to go over her statement once more, to make sure there was nothing she’d left out, and he took a seat on the couch as he ran through her testimony, prepared her for some of the questions Bobby’s defence lawyer would probably throw out it, “The main thing is just be consistent,” he said, “You’ve told us what happened and the jury just needs to hear it from you too - Bobby’s gonna play the marriage card but the jury will be able to understand that you consider the two of you separated, you just need to be honest an’ they’ll see that.”

He held open the door to show Ruby out when they were finished, then turned back to Liv once he’d closed it behind her, leaning against the wall.

“How are you feeling, Carisi?”

He shrugged, “She’s gonna be a good witness, as long as there’s nothin’ she left out we should be good.”

Liv raised her eyes at him, giving him a soft smile, “That’s not what I was asking.”

He had always appreciated his relationship with Liv - the way she had taken him under her wing after her initial reticence when he’d joined the squad - the way they’d grown into their friendship, built on mutual respect and care. Since he’d become an ADA that relationship had changed, it had to professionally - but she also wasn’t his boss anymore, and while he didn’t have - and didn’t want - the same kind of relationship she had had with Barba, he felt like they worked well together, and he appreciated her concern. Before he could tell her that, there was a knock on her door and Amanda came in, worry etched on her face.

“Sorry to interrupt,” she said, glancing at him briefly before turning back to Liv, “Captain, can I get out early today?”

“Shouldn’t be a problem,” Liv said, “Is everything okay?”

Amanda sighed, running a hand over her face, “Jesse got in a fight at school.”

Sonny pushed forward from the wall he had been leaning on, surprised, “A fight? She’s in kindergarten.”

Amanda turned back to look at him, “Well, I don’t think it was an actual fight,” she said, biting her lip. She looked anxious and he wished he was able to reassure her, to take her hand or put his arm around her, but Liv’s gaze had travelled between the two of them more and more recently and now wasn’t the moment to confirm her suspicions, “Her teacher wants to speak to me.”

When Amanda collected Jesse after school, her teacher had relayed the afternoon’s incident to her - Jesse had been found in the playground at recess shouting at two other kindergarteners, her hands and knees both grazed and bleeding. She’d allowed the nurse to clean up her cuts but had just shrugged when asked how she’d gotten them. Looking at Jesse, matching plasters on each of her knees, her palms red, a small scrape on her right cheek and a solemn expression on her face, Amanda’s heart broke a little for her daughter, and she wrapped her arms around her, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “You okay, baby?”

Jesse nodded, “Can we go home?”

Amanda waited until they were in the car to ask any further questions, turning to look at Jesse from the front seat before she pulled out of the school parking lot. “Jesse, you wanna tell me what happened?”

“I fell down,” Jesse told her.

Amanda frowned. “All by yourself?”

Jesse nodded, looking out of her window, Amanda following her gaze to the playground where some of her classmates were chasing each other. She looked lost, “Yeah.”

Amanda reached behind her, placing a hand on Jesse’s right leg, just below her scraped knee. “Your teacher said she thinks somebody pushed you.”

Jesse shook her head forcefully, looking away from the other children and meeting Amanda’s eye, “No, I just fell down Mommy.”

She wanted to push - the cop in her wanted to ask a thousand questions and find out exactly who had hurt her baby, but she knew that stubborn look in Jesse’s eye, the way she held her shoulders stiffly, like she was trying to look braver than she felt, the wobble of her bottom lip unmistakable as she dropped her head back against the back of her car seat and looked away from Amanda. 

“Okay,” she said, “If you say so. Shall we get ice cream on the way home?”

When they got home Jesse had dropped her book bag in the hallway and gone straight to her room, “Just to play quietly, Mommy.” Even when Sienna had dropped Billie off Jesse still hadn’t emerged, Billie toddling back from their shared bedroom with a disappointed look on her face, Jesse clearly not interested in joining her.

Amanda had just started on dinner - heating up some homemade pasta sauce Sonny had left in the fridge because you can’t just use a jar, Rollins - when she heard his key in the lock, the familiar sound of his shoes as he walked down the hall. She had fully expected not to see him at all tonight, although she had hoped he would slip into bed with her once he finally left the office for tonight - would have been happy enough to feel his arms slide around her, rousing her from sleep with the promise of his presence. 

She was so distracted and so surprised that she blurted out, “What are you doing here?”

He looked a little awkward, standing in the kitchen doorway, his eyes darting to Billie playing in the corner; she’d had looked up when he came in, but even she hadn’t greeted him with her usual enthusiasm, and he bit his lip, his expression uncertain, “You said I could come by.”

“Yeah, you’re always welcome,” Amanda said, stepping away from the sauce to reach up and press a kiss to his cheek, reassuring him that he was wanted, “I just thought you’d be tied up ’til late.”

He tapped his briefcase, “I mighta brought some stuff home with me, I’ll need to go through it later,” he rubbed the back of his neck. “How’s Jesse?”

Amanda smiled fondly at him, touched that he’d set his work aside to check on her daughter, “Is that why you came by?”

“I just wanted to check you were all okay.”

“She’s in her room,” Amanda shrugged, a little defeated, “She won’t tell me what really happened.”

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I just,” she sighed, “Her teacher said this isn’t the first incident. A couple of weeks ago she said she’d fallen off a swing, and last week her teacher found her crying at recess… I should’ve noticed something was going on,” Amanda hugged her arms around herself and Sonny stepped forward, his own arms coming around her, his lips pressing against her forehead.

“This isn’t your fault, okay?”

She knew objectively it wasn’t - knew that kids got into arguments and fights and sometimes children could be cruel, but she had always thought Jesse knew she could tell her anything, the idea that she might be hurting and hadn’t said anything, it twisted at her heart. Sonny held her for a moment longer before releasing her, “You want me to finish dinner while you talk to her?”

She nodded, leaving him to take over while she went to Jesse’s bedroom - she was sat on her bed, several Frozen dolls around her as she whispered out a story to herself. She looked up when she saw Amanda, “Is Uncle Sonny here?”

“Yeah,” she smiled, crossing the room and holding a hand out for Jesse, “You gonna come say hi?”

She shook her head, “He’s here all the time now.”

Amanda sighed, crouching down beside her, “Jesse, do you mind Uncle Sonny being here?”

Jesse put her dolls to one side, shaking her head firmly, “No, I want him to live here.”

“Well,” Amanda hesitated, resting her hands above the plasters on Jesse’s knees, “That’s a conversation for another day, I think,” Jesse frowned but nodded, reaching out to hug Amanda, her head resting against her mother’s shoulder. Amanda hugged her back, caught up for a moment in reflecting on how small Jesse still was - she was getting older every day and sometimes it felt as though her baby was disappearing before her eyes, but she was still so young and it hurt to know she was unhappy at school.

As she drew back, she brushed Jesse’s hair back from her face,“Hey, Jesse, if someone pushed you down it’s okay to tell me.”

“I fell,” Jesse insisted, but Amanda could see tears pooling in the corners of her eyes, she reached forward to wipe them away before they could fall, and she didn’t push any further.

“Alright,” she said, “If there’s anything you’ve forgotten you can tell me later, okay?”

Sonny had finished dinner while Amanda was talking with Jesse - he’d called to them as he finished and they emerged from the bedroom, Jesse clinging to Amanda’s arm. Amanda gave a small shake of her head to his unasked question about their conversation, and he reached out to squeeze her hand. He was sure Jesse would tell Amanda what was going on when was ready, but the idea of some kid messing with Jesse didn’t sit well with him, so he knew it would be harder for Amanda; protecting her children had been her number one priority since Jesse’s birth.

The case files in his briefcase were calling to him, but the quiet, unsettled atmosphere in the apartment drew his attention more, and when Billie called for him to read their bedtime story, he had stepped away from his work to sit awkwardly on the floor between their beds, a book of fairytales open on his knee as the girls drifted off to sleep. A kiss to each of their foreheads and he backed out of the room, ready to join Amanda on the couch, letting her lean into him while he reread statements for the the fiftieth time, looking through social media and financial records that the squad had put together for him. 

He had just flicked off the light when he heard Jesse call out to him, barely more than a whisper, “Uncle Sonny?”

He turned in the doorway, looking back at her. “Yeah?”

“Ethan is mean to me,” she said, her voice was small, her throat tight like she was holding back tears.

He moved back into the room, leaving the door ajar to cast a small amount of light over them. He crouched down beside her bed, one arm leaning beside her on the blankets, “You wanna tell me about it?”

“He says I’m dumb,” Jesse said; in the dim light from the hallway he could see tears trickling down her cheeks and he reached up with his left hand hand, brushing them aside with the pad of his thumb.

“You’re not dumb, Jesse. You know that, right?”

“I know,” she nodded, wrapping her fingers around his wrist, “I said I’m not dumb, I’m gonna be a lawyer.”

He smiled at that, this thumb tracing just below the scrape on her cheek as he regarded her with pride, “You can be anythin’ you wanna be.”

“Ethan said that was dumb, and I said no, because my Uncle Sonny is a lawyer and he’s the smartest person I know,” she frowned, “And then Ethan pushed me down.”

He set aside the feeling he got in deep in his chest as he heard Jesse talk about him so confidently and proudly, focusing instead on her admission that today’s events were not an accident, “Did you tell your teacher?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Ethan will get in trouble,” Sonny sighed, dropping his hand and leaning back on his heels. There was some irony in him being the person she’d chosen to confide this in - the circumstances were very different, Jesse much younger than he had been when faced with a bully he didn’t want to make things worse with, but it didn’t lessen the ache he felt, didn’t ease the protective urge that came over him.

“Okay,” he said, feeling a touch hypocritical, “but it’s important to tell a grown up.”

“I’m telling you,” Jesse said, looking up at him with trust and love in her eyes.

He returned his hand to her face, cupping her cheek gently, “Why didn’t you tell Mommy?”

“Mommy has to arrest people if they hurt someone. That’s even bigger trouble than the principal’s office.”

Jesse’s logic made sense, especially for a five year old, but with a little more encouragement she filled in some more blanks - it had been Ethan the teacher saw her yelling at, and Ethan who had pushed her off a swing, and Ethan who had made her cry saying some very unkind things about her family situation - things that made Sonny’s blood boil, because there was no way a kindergartener reached those conclusions on his own, and a part of him wanted to show up at Ethan’s parents’ door tonight and let them know just how wrong they were. 

Instead, he soothed Jesse’s tears and gave her reassurances, dropping a kiss on her forehead as she drifted off to sleep. 

Back out in the living room he joined Amanda on the couch, letting her rest her head against his chest before he even reached for his briefcase - he wanted this moment, this time with her. The work needed to be done, but his priorities were a little different than they had been even four months ago, and he would get up extra early tomorrow if it meant he could have this moment with Amanda now.

“That was a long bedtime,” she said, and he nodded.

“Jesse wanted to talk to me,” he said, his arm curling around her shoulder, “About Ethan Miller.”

“Miller? Ugh, his mother is the most- wait, did she say Ethan pushed her?” Amanda pulled away from him, leaning back on the couch, outrage and hurt crossing her face.

“Yeah,” he reached out for her hand, holding her steady before she could go and question Jesse further, “She, uh, she didn’t want him to get in trouble - and she thought you’d have to arrest him if she told ya.”

They talked through Jesse’s story and he let Amanda vent her anger and frustration, tried to sooth her guilt and self-admonishments, tried to reassure her that there was nothing she could’ve done differently. He was so focused on Jesse and Amanda that the Bianchi case actually began to drift from his mind, and it might well have stayed that way, he might well have had an evening where his family remained the biggest thing in his thoughts and where he closed his eyes when they went to bed without seeing Bobby’s face on the backs of his eyelids, but just as he was about to suggest they turn in for the night, his phone rang.

It was Gina, and she didn’t greet him before she told him the reason for her call, “Bobby’s out.”

“What? How? The judge didn’t grant bail.”

“I don’t know - he just called Ruby.”

Chapter Text

“How the hell does a violent parolee with pending rape and assault charges get out of prison?”

“Okay, Carisi, I understand you have a personal involvement in this case, but Judge Peterson reassessed and Mr Bianchi was granted bail. I suggest you talk to your old unit and focus on making sure your case is watertight before bringing this to trial, we don’t want any more surprises.”

“Why wasn’t I informed?”

“You found out before I did, Carisi. I’m playing catch up myself.”

He had a restless night; between calming Gina down, checking in with Ruby and her children and trying to find someone who could tell him how Bianchi had gotten out of Rikers, it was after midnight before Amanda had taken his phone from him and insisted he come to bed. Even then, he’d lain awake beside her, scenarios running through his head - reasons Bianchi could have been released, conspiracies he could be involved in, images of Bianchi showing up here even. When Billie cried out at 3am, he was out of bed before Amanda had even sat up, glad for something to do, quietly soothing her back to sleep even as his own eyes stubbornly refused to close. Amanda had curled around him when he returned to bed, a hand on his chest, her breath against his neck, and he had eventually fallen into a fitful sleep, only to be woken by his alarm at 6am. He’d left for work just after seven, kissing Amanda and the girls goodbye - an extra hug for Jesse as she fretted about Ethan Miller - and had spent the next hour making phone calls that got him nowhere. 

He was outside Hadid’s office when she arrived, and she’d been impatient with him as she tried to make sense of what was happening. All they could determine was that his bail had been set at $500,000 cash and somehow someone had posted it. Sonny had known the Bianchi family his whole life - not well, but enough to know they weren’t the type of people to have that kind of money lying around. 

Something was wrong - there was something happening that they didn’t know about and they weren’t prepared for. Too much was riding on this conviction, and whatever was happening here, however Bobby Bianchi had managed to wrangle himself out of prison, it couldn’t mean anything good for Sonny or the upcoming trial. 

He’d visited Judge Peterson in chambers, but he’d come up empty there too - the judge had little to no interest in engaging with him, and said as much, “The proceedings of my courtroom and the decisions I make there are not up for debate after the fact, Mr Carisi. You can bring your case to trial and have your day in court. Until then, I have no intention of justifying my decision to you.”

Sonny left in a worse mood than the one he’d arrived in, and seethed the whole drive over to the precinct; he didn’t like this at all; he was on edge, waiting for the other foot to drop and derail this whole case. 

As it turned out, he didn’t have to wait long. He greeted Fin when he arrived at the precinct, no one else around in the squad room. “Rollins give you an update?”

“Yeah,” Fin said, “How did that son of a bitch make bail?”

“I’m tryin’ to find out - Judge Peterson wasn’t exactly talkative. What I wanna know is who posted his bail - whoever it is knows somethin’ we don’t.”

“What I wanna know,” Fin said, voice low, “Is how Rollins knew about this before the captain did.”

Sonny had called and left a message for Liv late the night before, then called her from the car when he’d left Amanda’s apartment in the morning; he’d given her all the information he had, and he hadn’t mentioned Amanda knowing. He brushed off Fin’s comment with a shrug, “I was at her place when I got the call last night.”

“Oh, you were at Rollins’ place,” he smirked, “At 11pm on a Monday.”

Sonny rolled his eyes - he knew better than to play this game with Fin. Better not to comment that engage further. Fin just shook his head. “And you both look like you’ve barely slept. Interesting.”

“You should be a detective, Fin,” Sonny said, not meeting his eye. Amanda and Kat arrived in the squad room before the conversation got any closer to the truth, Kat nodding to him in greeting while Amanda gently touched his arm on her way to her desk - something that didn’t go unnoticed by Fin.

He followed her over to her desk, leaning on it with one hand, a little closer to her than he needed to be, “How’s Jesse?”

Amanda glanced up at him, nodding slightly, “A bit tearful going in - I spoke to her teacher; they’re gonna deal with it,” she smiled, “Thank you for getting her there.”

He nodded, “Not a big deal - all I did was tuck her into bed, she’s the one that decided to start talking.”

“And she knew you’d listen,” Amanda told him, and they shared a smile. “How did it go with Hadid?”

He groaned, “I got nothin’ from her, and nothin’ from Judge Peterson except to find out bail was set at five hundred thousand an’ someone put it up.”

“So he’s out,” she sighed, “It doesn’t mean this is over - we’ll keep doing what we’re doing and we’ll make sure we don’t miss anything.”

There was a commotion over by the desk sergeant that drew his attention away from Amanda; raised voices and the sound of tears - when Sonny looked over he saw Ruby Bianchi, a distraught expression on her face - behind her stood two people Sonny only vaguely recognised, possibly Ruby's parents. Amanda got up first, walking over to them and nodding at the uniformed officer on duty as she turned towards the three visitors, “Ruby? What’s going on?”

“The boys are missing-” she said, her voice shaking with emotion, she gestured to the man behind her, "My dad drove them to school, but they never made it into class.”

Amanda put a hand on Ruby's arm, guiding her into the bullpen as her parents followed, “And you’ve tried calling them?

“They’re not answering," Ruby said, wringing her hands anxiously, “It’s not like them, Danny never misses school, he tried to go in with pneumonia last year. Bobby must have them," she said firmly, and Sonny's heart rate sped up at the same moment Fin rose from his desk, heading in the direction of Liv's office.

Amanda remained far calmer than Sonny was managing to as she continued to question Ruby, “Okay, and did you try Bobby?”

“Yeah, it’s going straight to voicemail.”

In Liv's office twenty minutes later, whilst Ruby and her parents were in the interview room with hot drinks and a uniformed officer keeping them calm, the captain set out a plan of action, “Right - we need to speak to Bobby’s parents, his family - Rollins, Kat, you head out to Staten Island, see what you can find out. Fin, we need to find out who paid Bobby’s bail, they may know where he is.”

“I’ll call,” Fin said, making his way out of the office and back to his desk as Kat and Amanda grabbed their coats and their phones.

Sonny turned to follow them, “I’m comin’ with you.”

“Carisi,” Liv said in warning, but he shook his head.

“It’s Staten Island,” he said, following a step behind Amanda and ignoring Liv’s disapproving glance. 

Kat grumbled from the backseat of the car - Sonny wordlessly taking his usual seat at Amanda’s side without giving Kat the option - but the drive out to Staten Island was otherwise quiet. Sonny gave occasional directions as they got closer to their destination, his mind whirring as they drove, fear at where the Bianchi children could be, at what their father was doing with them, had his heart beating faster in his chest, his hands were on his knees, his posture stiff and anxious; Amanda reached over to squeeze his hand briefly, bringing him back to reality in time to realise they were on his parents’ street.

“Oh, hang on,” he said, “I didn’t mean to take us this way.”

“We lost, Carisi?” Kat asked from behind him.

“Nah, that’s, uh,” he pointed, “That’s my mom’s house. I know exactly where we are.” He hesitated, but the image of his mother’s face in his mind, frowning at him for being metres from her front door - with Amanda no less - and not saying hello, had him making a suggestion, “You can park there, the Bianchis only live a couple blocks out.”

Amanda pulled the car into his parents’ driveway, parking beside his father’s car and bringing his mother out to the front door without him even having to call her. “What are you-” she started, ready to scold whatever stranger had decided to park up unannounced, but she broke out into a smile when she saw him getting out of the passenger side, “Sonny! We’re not expecting you ‘til the weekend.”

He nodded in greeting, “We can’t stop, Ma, I’m just sayin’ hi, we’re workin’,” he said, but he let her drag him down into a hug. “This is Amanda Rollins, Kat Tamin - they’re detectives at SVU.”

His mother gave him a knowing look, glancing between him and Amanda, “It’s so lovely to meet you,” she said, a hug for each of them, whether they wanted them or not. “Amanda, did Sonny ask you-”

Sonny shook his head sharply, “Not yet, Mom. Listen, can we leave the car here?”

“Of course,” she patted his arm, “Are you- is this about Bobby Bianchi?”

He bit his lip, “We can’t really-”

“Gina told us he was out, and we saw him this morning, your dad and I,” she said it so matter-of-fact, like she was telling him about their neighbour’s dog getting out, but Sonny’s blood ran cold.

“What? Did he come by the house?” He reached out to touch his mother’s arms, silently checking her over for unseen injuries, but she shrugged him off.

“He was lurking around the street when your father went for the paper,” she said, unconcerned, “Your dad asked Bobby what he wanted and he walked off.”

“What- he did what?” Sonny looked around wildly, as though Bobby might still be lingering around, waiting to attack his parents. He knew it was illogical but his heart and stomach disagreed. 

“Mrs Carisi,” Amanda said, a hand on Sonny’s arm to calm him, “We’re looking for Bobby right now - and his kids, if he comes by again just call Sonny right away,” she reached into her jacket pocket, pulling out her own card, “Or call me.”

Amanda eyed Sonny carefully as they said goodbye to his mother and began the walk to the Bianchis’ home - she had to take long strides to keep up with him, it reminded her of when they were partners, him storming off ahead when he was in a bad mood, the eventual stop and slowing of his pace when remembered she was behind him. She caught up to him eventually, Kat still a few steps behind. “Carisi.”

“That- my parents.”

“They’re okay,” Amanda reminded him, “He didn’t do anything to them, and we’re gonna find him before he can hurt anyone.”

He sighed, turning to look at her. There were dark circles under his eyes; she knew he had barely slept; she hadn’t managed much herself, but she’d practically had to drag him into bed and she could feel him lying awake beside her as she had begun to drift off. In the morning she’d hoped he would silence his alarm, allow himself a little more time to rest, but he was up and out the door before Amanda had even had breakfast, and she’d worried about him all morning. This case was eating away at him, and after the weekend, stepping away from work and talking things through with his parents, Amanda had thought he was beginning to move past his guilt, but Gina’s phone call last night had sent him right back into this spiral of self-blame and she knew nothing would get him out of it until Bobby Bianchi was convicted and back at Sing Sing where he belonged.

“I don’t like that he was there, like he was tauntin’ them or somethin’.”

“Well, it doesn’t seem like it worked if that’s what he was going for,” she stepped back, creating a small gap between them, as Kat caught them up.

“This it?” Kat asked, gesturing the house they’d stopped outside, and Sonny shook his head. 

“Nah, they’re the next block over - they haven’t moved.”

“This is really where you grew up, Carisi?”

“Yeah, my parents got that house right before Bella was born. Don’t remember livin’ anywhere else,” Amanda watched him glance around the neighbourhood as they walked, taking in his old home, nostalgia in his eyes, but tempered still by his anxiety over Bobby. Eventually he stopped outside a modest looking home and turned to wait for them, Amanda taking the lead in walking up the steps to the front door.

A man in his late sixties answered - he looked like an older, rounder version of Bobby Bianchi, but with less anger in his eyes, “Can I help you?”

“I’m Detective Rollins,” she said, “This is Detective Tamin, and ADA-”

“Carisi, right? Dominick Carisi’s boy. Heard you were a cop,” Mario Bianchi frowned, turning his attention back to Amanda, “What's this about?”

“We’re here about your son.”

“Which one?”

“Bobby.”

“Bobby,” Bianchi sighed, “Come on in,” he stepped to one side letting them in, and Amanda noticed Sonny’s hesitation before he followed them deeper into the house; Bianchi gestured for them to sit on the couch, taking a well worn armchair for himself. Sonny hovered in the doorway, not taking a seat himself, but if it bothered Bianchi he didn’t say anything. “I don’t know what this is about, but I can’t help ya,” Bianchi said. “I know Bobby’s got himself locked up again already, but I can’t tell ya anything about what Ruby says he’s done.”

“Bobby was released on bail last night,” Amanda told him, “And your grandsons didn’t show up to school today.”

“What?” he leaned forward in his chair, clearly surprised to learn they were missing, “Are they alright?”

“Mrs Bianchi mentioned that you and your wife were still visiting Bobby in when he was at Sing Sing.”

“Yeah, well, my wife more than me - but I don’t like for her to go alone. Listen, he’s my son and I love him, but when Joey called me to say what had happened, that was it. I told Bobby he’s no son of mine - it’s one thing to get a little rough with your classmates when you’re a kid,” Bianchi’s eyes flashed to Sonny, who stood stiffly in the doorway, swallowing hard at Mr Bianchi’s admission, “And even to get in a fight that goes bad, but to do that to a woman - and with your kids nearby. No. That’s too far.”

“So you haven’t had any contact with him since he made bail?” Amanda asked, “We know he’s been in the neighbourhood.”

“Well, not to see us he hasn’t,” Bianchi looked furious, “Does he have those boys?”

“That’s our working theory, do you have any idea where he could be?”

“No, not at all. I can call around the family, see if anyone’s seen him.”

“That would be helpful,” Kat nodded. 

“Mr Bianchi,” Sonny spoke up suddenly from across the room, “Do you know how Bobby woulda got the money to pay bail? If it wasn’t you and your wife.”

“I don’t know all of the people Bobby’s friends with these days,” he sighed, glancing at a bookshelf in the corner - a photo of three teenage boys, taken in the nineties by the look of their outfits - Amanda could easily pick out which one was Bobby, that mean set of his brow visible even in the photograph.

They ran through a few more questions, and Bianchi assured them he would call if he heard from his son or his grandchildren. 

Back outside, Sonny paced anxiously as he called Fin for an update, Kat turning to Amanda as he did, “Is he doing okay?”

“He’s carrying a lot of guilt,” Amanda said quietly. 

“And the two of you?”

“What?”

“Oh, come on, Rollins,” Kat said, keeping her own voice low, “We all know.”

Amanda didn’t respond; she had other priorities right now, and the biggest one was standing in front of her, running a hand through his hair as he listened to Fin on the other end of the phone - from the expression on his face she didn’t think it was promising news.

“So, the guy who paid Bianchi’s bail is the brother of his former cellmate,” Sonny said, tucking his phone back into his pocket, “Fin and Liv are on their way to speak to him now.”

“Bianchi must’ve been an excellent cellmate,” Kat said, frowning. “What’s our next move?” 

“TARU have traced the Bianchi kids’ phones, they both went dead less than two blocks from their schools. They’re checkin’ street cams,” he sighed, frustrated, “I don’t know. I shouldn’t even be here, I should be back at the courthouse tryin’ to figure out how to keep him locked up once you’ve found him.”

Amanda handed Kat her car keys, “Hey, go on ahead.”

Kat glanced between the two of them, her earlier suggestion still written all over her face, but Amanda shot it down with a look and Kat took off back the way they had come. Amanda waited until she turned the corner before she took Sonny’s hand in hers, tugging him around to look at her - the broken look in his eyes was unsettling; he was always the one being strong for her, always the one burying his feelings and telling them he was fine. She’d seen him hurting before - seen the torment in his eyes after Tom Cole, after Jules Hunter, after Frank Bucci - she’d seen him angry, seen him scared, seen him worried and distressed - but every time he’d taken a breath, he’d stepped back from the situation, regrouped and moved forward - or at least that was the impression he’d always given off. She knew he was letting his walls down with her more now, walls he’d pretty much pretended he didn’t have, but this went far beyond that. This was an old wound scabbed over and buried then ripped open again, seeping and burning. Bianchi’s release, whatever the reason for Judge Peterson’s change of heart, was just another thing for Sonny to blame himself for, and she could see it in his face - had seen it the moment he got off the phone with Gina - the fear of inadequacy, the fear that Bianchi’s release was a result of something he hadn’t done. On top of everything else it was pushing him closer and closer to the brink.

He didn’t speak, just looked down at her without focusing on her face.

“I know what you’re doing,” she said, “But you can’t add this to the list of sins you think you’ve committed. You did everything the law gave you the power to do, and you got him remanded. Someone above you made a call - the wrong call - and that’s not on you.”

Sonny shook his head, so slightly she wouldn’t have noticed it had she not been studying his face closely.

“At some point you’re gonna have to forgive yourself - it’s not easy, trust me, I know - but at some point you’re gonna have to look back at thirteen year old Dominick and say enough’s enough.”

“I can’t just forget everything I let him do,” Sonny said; he pulled his hand from hers, turning away, but Amanda had no intention of letting him give up this easily, and she took hold of his wrist, bringing him back around to face her.

“You didn’t let him do anything, Carisi - you were a kid and you were afraid, and you don’t have to be ashamed of that. Everything Bianchi does is on him - I can tell you it a thousand times before you believe it, but one day you’re going to.”

“Well one day doesn’t matter - right now, he’s got those kids and he could be doin’ anythin’ to them and I- I’m not even doing anythin’ useful.”

“You are - you’re doing everything you can, more than most prosecutors would be, so don’t you dare sell yourself short,” she pulled him to her, and he let her embrace him, wrapping his own arms around her after half a second’s hesitation. When he stepped back after a moment, she kept her hands resting on his arms, keeping him close to her. “Jesse was afraid to tell on Ethan Miller, but she told you, because she loves you, and she trusts you, and she knows you’re the kind of guy that will always do everything he can to protect people. It’s who you are, Dominick, and screw Bobby Bianchi if he’s gonna make you forget that.”

Fin and Liv got back to the precinct an hour after they did, and they arrived with information and a direction to point their investigation in.

“So, turns out Bianchi’s old cellmate, Joshua Arlington, has friends and relatives in high places,” Fin said as they all gathered in the bullpen, “The guy got two years for assault and he must have had some good intel for the DA’s office because he was originally charged with eighteen counts of fraud and two of attempted murder.”

“What, and they dropped it all the way down?” Sonny rolled his eyes, “Do we know why?”

Liv shook her head, “Not yet, anyway,” she gestured at Fin to continue.

“So, Arlington’s easy pickings up at Sing Sing - according to his brother Harrison, Arlington was attacked his first week in - Bianchi intervened, then said Arlington owed him one. Harrison Arlington’s story is, his brother calls him up from Sing Sing on Saturday, says he needs his help getting a lawyer for Bianchi.”

“They sent the family’s attorney,” Liv interjected, “That checks, the only visit Bianchi had over the weekend was on Sunday morning - from his new attorney Arthur Oldham, who also represented Joshua Arlington. We don’t know what was said in that conversation, and Harrison Arlington is not the sharing type, but what we do know is two hours later Harrison placed a call to Judge Peterson at home, and by Sunday night Bobby Bianchi's bail status was changed and the Arlingtons had posted bail.”

“So what, Bianchi’s such good buddies with this guy that his family just convince a judge to let him out? And Peterson goes along with it?” Sonny’s patience was wearing thin and he knew there was an edge to his voice, knew that Fin and Liv didn’t deserve to get the brunt of his anger, but despite Amanda’s attempts to reassure him, all Sonny could picture was Joey and Danny Bianchi covered in blood and glass and left bleeding and alone. “We’re missin’ something.”

“I was just getting to that,” Liv said, “Judge Peterson is Joshua Arlington’s godfather.”

“Bianchi threatens Arlington, the lawyer passes on the message and Judge Peterson risks his career to protect Joshua?” Amanda suggested.

Sonny nodded - he didn’t know anything about Peterson’s relationship with his godson, but he knew full well what he would risk to keep Jesse and Billie safe. “It solves one mystery, but it doesn’t help us find Bianchi.”

“That’s our job now,” Liv said, giving Sonny a look that allowed no further argument, “Your job is to go back to Hadid and get her up to speed on Judge Peterson. Once we have Bianchi, you need to make sure he doesn’t get out again.”

Chapter Text

Every minute that ticked over on the clock was another minute further away the Bianchi children could be, but every person they talked to and every lead they chased up was yet another lost cause, yet more time wasted. Amanda had spoken to at least a dozen of Bianchi’s known associates and was met with blank stares and unanswered questions - and those were just the ones cooperating with them. Traffic cams had come up with nothing concrete - there was no footage of either boy getting into any vehicle, and without knowing what car Bianchi was driving they had no hope of tracing them that way.

Kat had spoken to some of Joey Bianchi’s friends, but all they had been able to tell them was that Joey had gotten a phone after he arrived at school and had told them to go in without him; the school’s cameras didn’t cover a wide enough area to determine where Joey had gone next, and all TARU could establish was the call had come from a burner cell. 

There was no doubt in anyone’s minds that Bobby Bianchi had taken the boys - but whether they went willingly and what he was planning to do next was anyone’s guess. Lunchtime had long since past, and the later it got the lower the chances of finding the boys was; Amanda glanced periodically at her phone - monitoring the time, checking for any messages from Sonny, but other than noting the time at 4pm, there had been little of interest there. 

As far as Amanda knew Sonny had been holed up at Hogan Place since he left the precinct, but she hadn’t heard from him, and although she was focusing her energies on efforts to find the Bianchi children, her thoughts did stray to him throughout the afternoon - she was a little worried; he’d been close to the edge when he left, agitated and frustrated - whatever conversation he and Hadid were having with the judge now, she didn’t envy Peterson at all.

Sonny was aware of the passing time, glancing at his watch and calculating how many hours it had been since anyone had seen Joey or Danny Bianchi. He didn’t regret his move to the DA’s office, but it was times like this that he missed being a cop - missed feeling like he could make a difference in scenarios like this one - still, he knew his ADA credentials could serve him well too, and the skills he’d built up as a detective, investigating and interrogating suspects, weren’t lost to him now - even if the person he was interrogating was an uncooperative judge, and even if he had to approach things a little differently. This wasn’t a criminal investigation, and his involvement with Judge Peterson would only stretch as far as getting the information and help he needed.

Peterson’s cool demeanour was beginning to fade with every minute sat opposite Sonny and Hadid in his chambers, and while he’d originally tried to evade their questions, he was becoming more impatient and less collected as they spoke, “I’m a sitting judge, and you’re accusing me of abusing my position to let a violent criminal onto the streets?”

Hadid’s tone was measured, the same air she gave off when throwing back handed compliments Sonny’s way, “Right now all we’re interested in is finding Joey and Danny Bianchi and making sure they’re safe.”

“Well I can’t help with that, because I have no idea where they are,” Peterson insisted, “I don’t know this man beyond having seen him in my courtroom.”

Sonny leaned in a little closer, his elbows on the edge of Peterson’s desk, “But you do know Harrison and Joshua Arlington, right?”

Peterson looked rattled, his voice a little less controlled. “Yes, of course. Their father and I went to school together. It’s no secret.”

“Exactly,” Sonny said, leaning back in his chair, “So you can help us by gettin’ out your phone and callin’ Harrison and persuading him to tell us what he knows.”

“I’m sure he doesn’t know anything,” Peterson insisted, a little flustered.

“Well, let’s find out.”

Amanda’s phone rang on her desk a little after three-thirty; Sonny’s face - a picture of him and Jesse taken three weeks ago at the zoo - filling her screen, “Hey.”

He didn’t bother with a greeting, “Harrison Arlington hired a car for Bianchi. I’m textin’ you the details now.”

“Thanks”, she said, wanting to say more, ask more, but not knowing if it would be well received, “Are you-”

She was cut off by Kat, leaning across their adjoined desks, her landline propped between her shoulder and her chin, “Hey - some unis just picked up Joey Bianchi.”

“Carisi, I think we’ve got something,” she said, “I’ll call you back.”

Whilst they waited for Joey to be brought into SVU from where he had been picked up by a patrol unit in Queens, Amanda checked her messages from Sonny - the details of the rental car followed up by a second text ten minutes later; See you soon. She passed the licence plate details on to the officers trawling through traffic cam footage and was ready when Joey arrived.

He had a deep bruise blooming on his right cheek, and a cut just above his eye, but otherwise looked unharmed. He had approached the patrol unit himself after running from his father, and as soon as he’d given his name the patrol officer had called into his supervisor - it had been a little over an hour since he’d escaped Bianchi, but even in New York traffic Danny Bianchi could have been taken miles away in that time.

Amanda allowed Ruby Bianchi a moment to hug her son, to look him over and kiss his bruises, before she lead him towards the interview room. “Your mom can sit in if you want,” she told him quietly, but he shook his head. He refused food, or a drink, and sat solemnly waiting until Amanda and Fin sat opposite him.

“You got to find my brother,” he said, desperately looking from Amanda to Fin and back again. “Please. I didn’t mean to leave him, I - I thought he was right behind me, but when I turned around he wasn’t there - I should’ve gone back, I shouldn’t have left him,” he rubbed at his face, clearly distressed, and Amanda gave him a moment to catch his breath.

“You can help now, okay?” she assured Joey, “You can help us find him.”

“He’s little,” Joey said, desperation in his voice, “Danny, he’s not- my dad thinks he’s a nerd. He kinda is a nerd, but not- my dad’s gonna hurt him.”

“We’ll find him, you just start by telling us what you remember, where you were before you ran.”

“My dad showed up at my school, he called and told me to come with him and I said no, but then I heard Danny with him in the car, he sound really scared, so I had to go,” he shook his head, “He’s my little brother, I’m meant to protect him.” Amanda wanted to reach out to him, because she understood that urge to protect a younger sibling, the urge to make the world better for them even at your own expense; she’d been doing it for Kim since she was half Joey’s age. 

“Where did you go?”

“I don’t know- we were just driving at first, he kept talking, he was just saying how my mom was liar and we needed to learn some respect for our elders, for him. We went to an apartment building, I think we were in Queens - I tried to figure out where we were but he was just pushing us in the door.”

“Okay, so how did you get out of there?”

“We didn’t - he said he had to teach us how to be men, how to respect him and not let our mom tell us what to think. He wanted me to- to beat on Danny. I wouldn’t at first- then he said he’d do it if I didn’t. I tried not to hurt him too bad,” the guilt in Joey’s face was plain, and Amanda understood why he hadn’t wanted his mother in the room with him. “Then he told Danny to beat on me back - he’s not, Danny’s not that kinda kid, he’s never been in a fight, Dad said he was weak and he’d show him, that’s when he did this,” Joey gestured to the bruising across his cheek. “I thought he was gonna kill me, then his phone rang and he said we had to go - when we got outside his phone rang again, so I just grabbed Danny’s hand and ran - he let go but I thought he was still behind me and then- then he wasn’t.”

“Do you know where he went?”

“No, I’m sorry,” he choked out, tears in the corners of his eyes; he brushed them angrily away. 

“You did good, Joey, don’t apologise. You can go see your mom now, you need to get to the hospital and get checked out.”

“No!” Joey rose from his chair as Amanda made to stand up, and he slumped back down when she stopped, his voice quieting, “Not yet. I wanna talk to that lawyer. The one my mom knows.”

“You know you’re not in any trouble,” Amanda assured him, “Whatever your father made you do.”

“I know, but I wanna talk to him. He can help me. Help Danny.”

Sonny was outside when Amanda and Fin got there, and she could see the guilt deepening in his face as he looked through the two-way mirror, watching Joey as he lay his hands flat on the table in front of him, Sonny’s eyes glancing over Joey’s bruises. She placed a gentle hand on his arm and nodded towards the interview room, watching as his stance and demeanour changed, as he switched into what Amanda thought of as Uncle Sonny mode - the kind reassurance he reserved for interviewing children and teenagers.

She followed him into the room, joining him at the table as he introduce himself. “Hi Joey, my name’s Sonny.”

Joey nodded, “You’re Gina’s brother, right?”

“I am. Detective Rollins said you wanted to talk to me.”

“You hate my dad, right?” Joey lifted his head up fully, meeting Sonny’s eyes, and Amanda watched the expression on Sonny’s face change minutely, he still remained calm, but she could see the uncertainty in his face, the way he wasn’t sure how this conversation was going to go. 

“That’s not really what I’m here to talk about, Joey.”

“I left Danny with him,” Joey said, the desperation creeping back into his voice, “I didn’t mean to -  when- when they find him I need you to make sure he goes to prison again.”

Sonny turned his gaze briefly in Amanda’s direction, and she hoped her expression did enough to communicate to him that this wasn’t another thing he could to blame himself for - but she knew even if she had the words it wouldn’t do much to sooth him; he wasn’t going to step back from that train of thought until he knew that Danny Bianchi was safe, and even then she knew he would be grappling with this for days to come. 

“My job is prosecute people who’ve broken the law,” Sonny said carefully after a beat, and she could see in his eyes the urge to promise that he would lock Bianchi up and throw away the key, but he knew better, “and I will do everything I can to see that your dad can’t hurt you again.”

“I’m not a little kid,” Joey said, shaking his head, “You don’t have to do that. Just tell me you’ll get him locked up.”

“Let’s start by finding your brother, okay?” Sonny said.

“Please. I don’t want him to be able to hurt my mom or my brother-” The tears were back in Joey’s eyes and he was swiping angrily at them, frustration and guilt overtaking him, and Sonny cut him off with a firm reassurance.

“Joey, I promise I will throw everything I’ve got at this case - but you’re right, you’re not a little kid, so you understand how trials work, and what a jury does?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, wiping his face with the back of his hand and taking a breath before speaking again, “My dad said you went to school together. He said you- he said some things.”

“I’m sure he did. We weren’t exactly friends,” Sonny sighed, “Listen, Joey, I can’t predict what the jury will decide, but I promise you that I will do everything I can to make sure you and your family are safe, okay?”

The hours continued to tick by; 4pm became 5pm, became 6pm, and Amanda put in a quick call to her sitter, asking if she could stay a little later - part of Sonny felt he should offer to go over, to take care of the girls; he wasn’t needed here right now, but he couldn’t leave either, couldn’t step away until he knew Danny was okay - traffic cams had picked up Bianchi’s rental car near the area Joey had been found in, but they lost him again - the car disappearing between one street cam and the next. A patrol unit found the car abandoned in a parking lot, keys still in the ignition, and no trace of Bobby or Danny left behind, other than a small amount of blood in the backseat that Sonny tried not to think too much about.

6pm left them, 7pm, 8pm - twelve hours since Bianchi had picked the boys up and five since Joey had last seen him.

More calls put in to Bianchi’s friends and family, all met with the same answers - no one had seen them, and no one knew anything.

It was almost 10pm when Amanda’s phone rang on her desk, lighting up with a number she didn’t have saved - but it was a number Sonny recognised - a number Sonny had had memorised for most of his life. His parents’ landline number. Amanda answered it before he could say anything, and his heart pounded in his chest, blood rushing to his ears and clouding his hearing as he tried to listen to Amanda’s side of the conversation. “Thank you Mrs Carisi, of course,” she was saying, and he watched as her cheeks turned a little pink, before she bid his mother goodnight and turned back to him. “Your dad saw Bianchi.”

“What? Is he okay? Was he outside their house again?” he was already lifting his coat from where he’d left it on the back of her chair, reaching for the gun that was no longer on his hip as she put a hand on his chest, stopping him in his tracks.

“Your parents are fine. Your dad was on his way home and he saw Bianchi sitting outside his parents’ house.”

Sonny frowned, his eyes narrowing in confusion, “What is he doing? What’s his end game?”

“I don’t know,” Amanda said, “But we’re going to find out.”

Sonny had insisted on coming with her, and no one had sought to argue - they were prepared for a stand off, some dramatic venture, everyone in stab vests as they drove, lights on, sirens blaring. Sonny was stiff as a board in the seat beside her, and although they were speeding across the city, hurtling towards Staten Island with a drive boarding on fury, she still took a second to glance at him, to try and calm him as they drove. “Your mom said I should ask you about dinner,” she told him, watching his reaction, his body language changing as her words startled him out of his thoughts.

“I was gonna ask you once things settle down,” he said, “It can wait.”

“Even at this speed you’ve got five minutes,” she told him, her eyes on Fin’s car ahead of her. 

“They just want us to go out there for dinner. You, me… the girls,” he said, “But we can talk about it when we’re not chasing down a psychopath.”

“I’m not sure Bianchi is actually a psychopath,” she said, ignoring the way he rolled his eyes, “I’d love to meet your parents,” she said, surprising herself as much as him - it wasn’t that she didn’t know where this thing between them was headed - they’d jumped in with both feet - this wasn’t casual and it didn’t have an expiry date. She knew what he wanted from this relationship and while it taken her a bit longer to get there, she had realised she wanted the same thing too - wanted him to be her family, wanted to embrace everything that that meant - an extended family that were there for each other, people who would be invested in her children’s lives as much as she and Sonny were - dinners and holidays and everything in between. 

“You met my mom earlier,” Sonny said, a smile creeping onto his lips despite the tension of the situation, “I’ll tell her yes, then?”

“Yeah,” she said, a smile on her own face.

They had tried calling Mario Bianchi while they were on their way, but had had no response, and as they pulled up outside their home, a home that somehow looked darker and less inviting that it had just twelve hours ago, as sense of dread came over Amanda - fear of what they would find here, what sort of last stand Bianchi was looking to take.

The police presence was instantly obvious - two patrol cars were outside when they got there, but they reported there had been no answer at the door and no sound coming from inside. Bianchi wasn’t waiting outside the house any longer, though, and Danny Bianchi was nowhere in sight. 

They entered the house with guns drawn and hearts hammering in their chests - there was a trail of blood in the hallway, and Amanda and Fin followed it out to the kitchen, eliciting a scream from a woman Amanda presumed was Julia Bianchi as they opened the door. She was sat at a worn dining table, and in the seat next to her was a young boy, battered and bruised and with a towel pressed up against the side of his head, red with blood, tears streaming down his face as his grandmother tended to his wounds.

“This way,” Amanda gestured to the kitchen door, leading Danny and Mrs Bianchi back out of the house, where a patrol officer guided them towards the EMTs waiting nearby. When Amanda returned she followed the path Fin had taken, across the kitchen and out of the back door. Bobby Bianchi was sat on the back porch, Mario Bianchi beside him, fury and rage on his face - the same fury and rage that had simmered low on Bobby’s face when they’d had him in the interrogation room. Bobby smirked over at them; he must have known his fate was sealed, must have known that Sonny would bury him in the court room and that he wouldn’t be seeing his children again any time soon, but that wasn’t reflected on his face - there was something dark and malicious behind his eyes as Fin cuffed him, and Amanda followed them back through the house; she could hear Kat checking on Mr Bianchi, hear the gruff anger in his voice at his son’s actions.

Amanda watched Sonny, standing at the end of the Bianchis’ driveway, the way his eyes darted back to Danny Bianchi sitting on the back of the ambulance, his face more blood than flesh, the look of contempt he threw to Bobby as he was led into the patrol car, the fear that lit up in his eyes as memories haunted him.

She walked straight to him, taking his hand in hers and bringing him back to her, “Hey, we’ve got him,” she said and he nodded stiffly before his posture relaxed, before he tugged her to him in a hug that didn’t go unnoticed by their colleagues; she let him, she embraced him back and could feel the way his heart was still racing.

It wasn’t a question when they left the precinct two hours later; she didn’t have to invite him and he didn’t have to ask - they drove home together, bid Sienna goodnight and a thanked her for staying so late, and they looked in on the girls together - both fast asleep and snoring quietly. 

She led him to her bedroom, let him undress her in the dark, their lips meeting in the moonlight streaming through the open curtains. She held back words she wanted to say, words she had never imagined she would say, words that could wait for another time, another night that couldn’t be tainted by bad memories - she replaced them with other words, words that told him what she was feeling without carrying the weight of the truth, words that showed him all the good they had in their lives - and he whispered them back to her, into the curve of her neck and against her skin, breathed them against her as their lips met - both of them saying I’m alive, and I’ve got you, and this is everything. 

Chapter Text

When Amanda walked into the precinct on Wednesday morning Sonny was by her side; his fingers interlinked with hers. He didn’t need to stop by, but they had wordlessly agreed he would - this wasn’t them trapped in the first flush of new love - this was something much more; the feeling of words, of emotions, known but yet unsaid, that drew them to each other and made stepping away just a little harder this morning than it had been the day before.

In the elevator on their way up to the squad room she didn’t pull her hand away and neither didn’t he. He looked like he wanted to say something, but the words weren’t quite ready to come out. Amanda thought that maybe they should have talked about this before they openly showed their hand, but it didn’t feel like a big declaration, it felt simultaneously momentous and routine, because he was meant to fill this space in her life and she was certain everyone around them knew it.

He’d fallen asleep before her last night, and she’d taken the opportunity to watch him, his head pressed against her collarbone, her fingers in his sweat-soaked hair as he breathed against her, a sense of calm he hadn’t worn since Gina had arrived in the squad room a week ago. 

When her alarm went off in the morning he was no longer in bed with her, but the sound of his voice echoed back down the hall, Jesse’s laughter following it. When she got to the kitchen Jesse was perched on the counter - her favourite spot whenever Uncle Sonny was cooking - a cup of juice in her hand, chatting animatedly away as Sonny poured pancake batter in a frying pan.

“Pancakes on a Wednesday?” 

“Felt like a pancake sort of morning,” he said, reaching out a hand to gesture her over to him, letting her slide into his embrace, his lips pressing close to her ear with a whisper of, “Thank you.”

“For what?” she asked, leaning into his touch, aware of Jesse’s eyes on them.

“All of this,” he said, gesturing to the kitchen, to Jesse and back to Amanda, and she knew he was saying thank you for so much more than being in her apartment making pancakes at 6am on a Wednesday, but for giving him this space, for last night and all of the nights that had come before - for the many more nights they’d have to come - and for being by his side while he faced demons he’d been trying to bury for years. She didn’t remind him of all the times he’d done the same for her, that wasn’t what he needed right now. She tilted her head up for a kiss that lasted a little longer than she planned - that ended only as Jesse screeched, “The pancakes are burning!”

She had pulled away with a laugh as Sonny turned back to the pan, frowning at the charred pancake remains. Amanda had left him to recover breakfast as she went to get Billie up and ready for the day, glancing back over her shoulder to see him pouring fresh batter into the pan, as Jesse leaned in to remind him that, “You said we should always watch the pan, Uncle Sonny.”

Walking into the squad room three hours later their presence didn’t go unnoticed. Fin was already behind his desk, a knowing smirk on his face, “You two look far too happy for how late we all got home last night,” he said.

“I woke up to pancakes,” Amanda said, releasing Sonny’s hand to move behind her desk. He pushed a stack of files closer to her before sitting on the end of the desk, smiling down at her. 

“Don’t you have work to do?” she said, returning his smile. 

“Is this gonna be how things are now?” Fin said, Amanda and Sonny both rolling their eyes right back at him.

“I better go,” Sonny said reluctantly a couple of minutes later, “I’m meeting with Bobby’s new lawyer at ten,” he stood up, but didn’t move away from her desk, “Let me know once you’ve spoken with the Bianchi boys? They’re gonna have to testify unless Bobby changes his plea.”

“I spoke to Ruby Bianchi while you two were mooning over breakfast,” Fin said, “Danny’s out of the hospital; pretty roughed up but he’ll be okay.”

“That’s great news,” Sonny said, and Amanda could see a little more weight lift from him.

He nodded to them both, turning to leave, but Amanda stopped him on impulse, “You forgetting something?” she said, teasingly.

Fin pointedly looked away as Sonny stepped back, leaning down to kiss her goodbye. She wasn’t usually the type of person to go for public displays of affection, and once the novelty wore off - and the disclosure paperwork had been filed - they’d be back to keeping things mostly professional at work, but she let herself enjoy the moment, even with Kat arriving just as Sonny pulled back, dropping into her own chair and shaking her head at Amanda, “I can’t believe you denied it.”

Wednesday had been busy - a flurry of trial prep and paperwork - Bianchi’s new lawyer had no intention of accepting any deal, even with additional charges pending for the kidnapping of the two Bianchi boys. Sonny had gone from that meeting into another with Hadid about those pending charges, as well as the upcoming trial and his role in it.

“There’s no way Bianchi’s lawyer doesn’t introduce your personal involvement in this case, Carisi. I need to know you are not going to let it get to you.”

“I’m not,” he’d insisted, though in truth his stomach was still in knots just thinking about facing Bianchi in the courtroom. He felt like he would never be able to move forward if he passed this case on to somebody else, though, and so he didn’t back down.

After Hadid, he’d sat with Liv as they helped prepare Joey and Danny Bianchi's testimonies. Danny’s injuries didn’t look any better in the light of day - the blood had been cleared away, but there was bruising covering almost all of his face, as well as stitches on his forehead. Once Joey had slipped away, Bianchi had turned all of his attentions onto Danny - and his intent had been clear - he wanted to scare Danny into testifying that Bobby hadn’t laid a hand on their mother. It would backfire; the result of Bobby’s attempted persuasion would speak to the jury itself.

He hadn’t been to his own apartment in days, but he headed straight to Amanda’s anyway, home in time to save them all from the jar of pasta sauce Amanda had pulled from the cupboard. He’d set Jesse up on the counter beside him; he loved these moments with her, the two of them cooking together, her eager to learn from him. He’d always loved it, from the first time she’d scattered shredded cheese on a homemade pizza, right before dropping her face to the dough and smearing sauce across her cheeks, not even a year old and already having his heart in her tiny fist. Amanda was in the living room with Billie; they were reading a book together, Billie’s excited yells travelling across the room and he and Jesse worked. This was the distraction he needed - if he’d gone to his own place tonight he would have spent the evening on edge, anxiously going over everything he’d prepared for tomorrow’s trial. Instead, he got this - these little moments of joy that thirteen year old Sonny could never have anticipated.

As he finished preparing the vegetables he looked over at Jesse, where she was staring intently into the saucepan, “How was school today?” he asked, and she didn’t look up.

“It was okay.”

“Only okay?” he frowned, “Somethin’ happen?”

“No,” she still didn’t look at him, just continued stirring the sauce carefully the way he’d taught her. 

“Jesse, you know you can tell me anythin’,” he said, putting down his knife and coming around the counter to stand closer to her, keeping his voice low so that he didn’t draw Amanda or Billie’s attention just yet, “I don’t ever want you to think you can’t.”

“Ethan said sorry for being mean to me,” she twisted the spoon around in her hand, watching the bubbles in the sauce, “We’re gonna be friends now.”

“That’s good, so why are you staring at my spaghetti sauce?” He poked her gently in the side and she looked up at him, barely containing a giggle.

“It’s my spaghetti sauce!”

“I think I helped a little,” he said, gesturing to the vegetables they’d yet to add. 

“When I’m big and I can have a knife then I’ll make it all by myself,” she turned back to look at him, still stirring with one hand, “Then I can make it for you and Mommy.”

“That would be nice, Jess," he leaned back against the island, watching her, "So, what’s goin’ on?”

“I’m just thinking hard,” she shrugged,

“An’ what’s Jesse Rollins got to be thinkin’ about so hard?”

She glanced away from the sauce to look at him earnestly,  “Why don’t you just live here?”

Sonny turned to the living room to see whether Amanda was listening, but she was helping Billie build a tower, not looking their way, “Well, I have my own apartment, Jesse.”

“But you could live here instead,” Jesse told him.

“I visit plenty," he said; the truth was he'd move in in a heartbeat, and when Amanda was ready, he would - for now he was content with what they had; enjoying every minute he got to spend immersed in the world of the Rollins' girls, and retreating to his own space when he needed to, however lonely his apartment felt these days.

Jesse sighed dramatically, “You wouldn’t need to visit if you lived here, and then we could have pancakes every breakfast. Even if you burn them because you wanna kiss Mommy all the time now.”

After an evening filled with Amanda and the girls, all the distraction he could have wanted, Sonny had hoped to get a restful sleep, but he still spent half the night lying awake while Amanda slept beside him, his stomach churning with nerves - after almost two years as an ADA he was no longer a ball of anxiety before every single trial, but this wasn’t just about doing his job, wasn’t just about getting justice for the victims, however much they deserved it.

Back when he was a teenager he would lie awake at night thinking about Bobby Bianchi, about all the things he wanted to do to him, all the ways he wanted to get revenge. He would never have believed that it would be like this - that he would be facing Bobby down not in the schoolyard but in a courtroom, that he would be using his words rather than his fists - that it would be a fight he could actually win outside of his dreams. The thought didn’t sooth him though - everything that was a stake - the expectations others had upon him, but more the expectations and pressure he was putting on himself. If he lost this trial, would he spend another twenty five years being haunted by the memory of his childhood bully? How could he reckon with that guilt? 

The whole squad showed up for the trial, anxiously waiting alongside him outside the courtroom, Amanda’s hand on his back, a nod from Fin, Liv’s assurances that she had every faith in him. He didn’t feel that faith in himself; he felt small and unprepared, he felt simultaneously like his thirteen year old self and the brand new ADA going up against the big guns with nothing but a prayer and a hope.

He called Gina first. He’d gone back and forth over whether to have her testify at all, but she had made the initial report, and she was the only person outside of that apartment to have seen firsthand what Bobby had been capable of that night. It was an easy start - he asked and Gina answered - simple, until Oldham began his cross, going straight where Sonny had hoped he wouldn’t. 

“Now, before I begin - can you just confirm. You are ADA Carisi’s sister, are you not?”

Sonny was ready, he knew this might come, but he hoped to shut it straight down, “Objection - relevance.”

“Goes to reliability of the witness,” Oldham said, a smile for the jury as the judge answered.

“I’ll allow it.”

“Your honour,” Sonny interjected, “The defence had the witness list ahead of time, they had ample opportunity to raise any-”

“Mr Carisi, thank you,” she cut him off, “The witness will answer.”

Gina nodded, her eyes darting to his, “Yes, he’s my brother, but that doesn’t change anything.”

“You aren’t trying to help your brother win this case?” Oldham asked.

“No,” Gina shook her head, “I am, but I’m not lying about anything that happened. I didn’t even take it to Son- to the ADA, I took it to SVU.”

Oldham crossed his arms over his chest, his gaze on the jury again before he turned back to Gina, “To your brother’s girlfriend?”

That he hadn’t expected, hadn’t predicted and wasn’t prepared for. His heart hammered in his chest, heat on the back of his neck - he had known it would come up in court sooner or later, if he was honest he’d known the second he took the ADA job that one day someone could bring up their relationship, however it was defined, and he should’ve been ready for it but he wasn’t.

Gina answered instinctively, before he could, “Well, I didn’t know then that-”

“Objection,” he said, collecting himself, “The witness has already attested she is not lying to further the people’s case.”

The judge nodded. “Sustained. You’re walking a thin line, Mr Oldham.”

The rest of the cross-examination went as expected - Oldham playing up Bianchi’s initial argument that Gina had attacked him first; it didn’t look as though the jury were buying that, but when they went into a recess his heart remained hammering in his chest - whatever the judge did or didn’t allow, Oldham was planting seeds for the jury - seeds about his personal involvement in this case that could bring it crumbling down if he wasn’t careful. Not to mention declaring his relationship status to the whole courtroom, with Amanda right there watching. 

She was at his side the second he left the courtroom, a hand on his shoulder, trying to reassure him, but his mind was in overdrive and he could barely feel her touch. “I shouldn’t have called Gina, I shoulda known this would happen.”

“Carisi, don’t,” Amanda said, and he could feel her hand now as she gently squeezed his shoulder, “If you hadn’t called her Oldham would’ve, to do exactly what he’s trying right now. But Gina made the report to the police, not to you.”

“Yeah, but she made it to you and now he’s tryin’ to,” he sighed, “I should’ve prepped Gina for that question, I’m sorry we- I don’t know how Oldham figured-”

“Hey, look - it was always going to come up sooner or later. We knew that.”

He sighed, running his hand over his face, “But you and I, we haven’t even-”

“What? Put a label on it?” she smiled at him, her hand moving down his arm and resting just above his elbow, “Come on, Carisi, I’m going to dinner with your parents this weekend. Look, Oldham’s a snake, but this isn’t over.”

“Hadid warned me she’d pull me from the case if she thought I was compromising it. I insisted on taking it to trial, and my history with Bobby is going to-”

“Your history with Bobby is exactly why you’re going to convince that jury,” Amanda insisted, “You’re not telling them anything that isn’t true, the facts of the case don’t change because you’ve got a past with him.”

He had begun to feel at home in the courtroom now, he had found his stride, and he didn’t want to lose it. He just wished he had the same faith in himself that Amanda did. 

Ruby Bianchi’s testimony went far more to plan - they’d gone over exactly what she was going to say, they had the photographs of her injuries, and statements from the doctors who had treated her. He admired her courage when faced with Bianchi - she didn’t flinch even as he leered at her across the courtroom. Oldham tried to assert she had made up the charges, colluded with a friend who had a brother working with the NYPD, all to assure custody of her children in the divorce she was about to file for, but Ruby had been prepared for that tactic, and she shrugged off Oldham’s assertions with ease - she had raised her sons without Bianchi for the past ten years, she had a good job and a stable life. What risk was there of her losing the children? 

Despite that, he still didn’t sleep well Thursday night - in his own bed, in his own apartment that felt too big and too cold and too empty without Amanda and the girls filling the spaces and the silences. She’d called him a little after midnight, knowing that he would be awake, and while her voice soothed him to sleep, he regretted even considering coming back to this empty apartment.

As he’d expected, Danny Bianchi’s injuries spoke volumes as he stood on the stand, his voice shaking as he told the jury how his father had barged into their home, as he recounted listening to his mother’s screams as he and Joey sat in their bedroom, backs against the door to keep it shut and Emily curled between them, cradled between her brothers so that she would be safe.

Joey’s own bruises were still violent and clear when he took to the stand after Danny, and there was little Oldham could do to discredit them - saying their mother had put them up to testifying held little weight while both boys bore the signs of their own father’s attempts to silence them. 

Bianchi’s testimony began after lunch, and as he and Oldham spun the journey a sob story about a man who had made one mistake and then returned home to find his world had been turned upside down - his wife unfaithful, his children turned against him, an old classmate with a longstanding grudge born out of teen rivalry, Bianchi’s eyes narrowed in Sonny’s direction, his posture, every inch of his body language had the hairs on the back of Sonny’s neck standing upright, he felt sick to his stomach, that awful fear he had felt walking into school, dozens of barely healed cuts on his face and neck, and Bobby sitting on a desk in homeroom, a cold laugh thrown in Sonny’s direction as he hollered, “Hey, you lose a fight with a window, Carisi?”

Still, Sonny steeled himself and rose to his feet and imagined his hands weren’t shaking as he began his cross. “Would you say you were a violent man, Mr Bianchi?” 

“No, I wouldn’t,” Bianchi responded disdainfully. 

“Do you not have a history of violent offences?”

Bianchi leaned forward in the witness box, “Are you scared of me, Carisi?”

“Mr Bianchi, answer the question asked,” the judge instructed.

Sonny, determined to end this today, didn’t give Bianchi the satisfaction of knowing he’d gotten to him. He stepped closer to the witness box as Bianchi answered.

“I was convicted of stabbing a guy, yeah. Never hurt a woman though, or a kid.”

“Before the events in question?” Sonny said, turning his gaze to the jury.

“I told you, I’m not guilty.”

“Right, Mr Bianchi, so you keep saying,” Sonny said, turning back towards Bianchi; he was barely two feet from the stand now, his back straight, a hand sliding into his pocket as though this were just another case he was trying, just another bad guy he was putting away; not fazed by his demeanour or the darkness in his eyes, “Other than your previous conviction, do you have any history of violent behaviour?”

“What do you want me to say, Carisi?” Bianchi scowled, “That I roughed you up at school?”

Sonny sighed, rolling his eyes as he looked back toward the jury, caught their curious expressions, the way they were considering whether or not this really was an old vendetta, “Mr Bianchi, were there not multiple domestic disturbance reports made to police in the years prior to your incarceration?”

“Objection,” Oldham interrupted, “No charges were ever filed against my client in any of those instances.”

“Mr Carisi, please stick to the facts of this case.”

Sonny nodded, conceding. “Your ex-wife-”

“We’re still married,” Bianchi spat. It was a sore spot for him, and Sonny wanted to exploit it.

“Mrs Bianchi has testified that she considers the two of you to be separated; that you had not been in contact for over six years prior to your release. What did you consider the status of your relationship to be when you arrived at Mrs Bianchi’s home?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know, Carisi? You still harbourin’ a little crush there?” Bianchi threw a knowing look at the jury, a smirk Sonny would’ve loved to smack off his face lingering there. 

Still, Sonny had reasons of his own to smile, he would get under Bianchi’s skin before he let him get any further under his own. “Mr Bianchi, I’ll ask again, what did you consider the status of your relationship with Ruby Bianchi to be?”

“I told you. We’re married,” he shrugged, “She might’ve made some bad choices while I was away, but I forgave her. I let her back into my life.”

“You, uh, you ‘let her’ back into your life?” Sonny moved past the jury, looking from them to Bianchi and back again, in his stride a little more now as he feigned confusion, “Did you not show up unannounced at Mrs Bianchi’s apartment - an apartment you have never lived in?”

“What’s hers is mine,” Bianchi said stiffly. 

“The apartment in question is in fact owned by an Isaac Simmons, were you aware of that?”

“She’s my wife,” Bianchi said, that temper he’d been keeping in check up until now beginning to surface, the sharpness in his voice clear. He would just need to be pushed a little further.

“She has testified she doesn’t consider herself to be, she’s had a child with another man-”

“I told you, that was a mistake!” Now that his temper had been roused he wasn’t containing it - and Sonny could see the way the jury leaned back a little, the way Oldham was beginning to sweat.

“And she told you she didn’t want to be with you, that you should sleep on the couch.”

“I’m her husband, she doesn’t get to tell me that.”

“She didn’t want you in her bed, didn’t want you to touch her-”

“That’s not up to her,” Bianchi slammed his hands down on the box in front of him, startling the jury, and while Sonny’s heart was in his throat, he didn’t let it show - kept his face neutral as he turned back from the stand, catching Amanda’s eye where she sat in the gallery alongside the rest of the squad, all of them nodding at him, showing the confidence he was only just beginning to feel himself. 

When the time came for his closing argument, Sonny felt that confidence fully for the first time since this case had landed in front of him, and he spoke to the jury with his voice steady, feeling like himself again, like the anchor around his neck was beginning to lift, “Mr Bianchi and his defence counsel would have you believe that this case is a conspiracy concocted by the NYPD and the DA’s office in some sort of delayed retribution for childhood incident. Mr Bianchi has testified that the NYPD colluded with his ex-wife to file false police reports regarding Mr Bianchi raping and assaulting her; he would have you believe this is an elaborate ploy to ensure custody of their children in their pending divorce; a ruse to turn their sons - two young boys who grew up with Mr Bianchi in prison - against him. There is no conspiracy here. The facts of the case have been laid out - you have heard testimony from Mrs Bianchi, from Joseph and Daniel Bianchi; you have seen the injuries suffered by Mrs Bianchi. What you have not seen - what the defence has not proven in any way - is evidence of any vendetta; you have not seen evidence that these charges are false or even exaggerated. You have not seen any evidence to suggest Robert Bianchi is anything other than guilty of these crimes.” 

Chapter Text

Blood was pounding in Sonny’s ears, his heart was racing and he gripped the table in front of him to steady himself. The judge was speaking, thanking the jury for their service, but he could barely focus, could barely believe what had just happened.

He felt Amanda’s hand on his shoulder, reaching over from the gallery, and he turned his head to look at her, the grin on her face bringing him back to reality, the sights and sounds of the courtroom coming back to him - the relief on Ruby and Gina’s faces, the stoic expressions of Mr and Mrs Bianchi, the rage simmering in Bobby’s face as he met Sonny’s eye, a scowl directed towards him. The buzzing sounds of conversation, of shock, and joy and anger. He couldn’t form any words himself, but he smiled back at Amanda, a little shaky, a little overwhelmed. As hard as he’d worked and as much as he’d hoped, hearing the jury return a guilty verdict, after only two hours of deliberation - time he’d spent mostly sat with his head dropped between his knees trying not to throw up or pass out - had come as a welcome surprise. The confidence he’d built up during the trial and whilst delivering his closing statement hadn’t quite extended to any surety in the verdict. 

Outside the court room, Ruby approached him, throwing her arms around him in a hug that would probably have rendered his teenage self incapacitated, and she smiled at him as she pulled back, “Guess you really did grow up well, Sonny. Thank you.”

He nodded, feeling a little awkward, and Gina laughed into his ear as she hugged him herself. He sensed Amanda approaching them and turned to look at her at the same time Ruby and Gina did, and Ruby leaned in to thank her too. Amanda’s fingers grazed Sonny’s elbow as she smiled at Gina and Ruby; they said their goodbyes and he followed Amanda out of the courthouse to meet the rest of the squad.

“Should I be jealous?” Amanda asked, but her tone was light and teasing, and he shook his head.

“Well, you know I can be patient,” he said, grinning at her, “If I can wait seven years, I can wait twenty five.” 

She laughed, nudging him with her shoulder, “Like I’m letting you go.”

There was a drink waiting for him when they joined everyone in the bar - his friends lifting their glasses in a toast as he approached their table. 

Liv reached out a hand to squeeze his shoulder, “Good work, counsellor.”

“Thank you,” he nodded, smiling at them and accepting the beer bottle Kat slid towards him, “For a minute there, I thought-”

“You did good, Carisi,” Fin said, cutting him off. Sonny lifted the bottle to his lips as he sank onto a bar stool, Amanda taking the seat next to him and accepting the drink Liv passed her.

“What happens next? With the kidnapping charges?” Kat asked.

“The Arlingtons aren’t going to press charges over the threats Bobby made,” Sonny told them, “So Oldham’s persuaded Bobby to take a plea; two counts of assault and unlawful imprisonment; another fifteen years on top.”

Kat nodded, and he sat back as the conversation drifted away from the case, the atmosphere light and celebratory. A violent man, the bully from his nightmares, had been put away - and Sonny had had a hand in doing that - he’d helped put a dangerous man behind bars, and gotten justice for his younger self in the process. It was a lot to take in.

He didn’t contribute much to the conversation, just sipped his beer and revelled in the feeling of finally being able to relax, of being surrounded by his colleagues - his friends - with Amanda’s hand resting casually on his thigh as they drank and decompressed after a tough week. 

With everyone focused on their own conversations, Amanda leaned in, her lips close to his ear as she moved the hand that was on his thigh to loop around his arm, “I’m so proud of you,” she whispered, and he turned his head, smiling down at her, a rush of affection coming over him, one that almost had his mouth running away from him. Instead he slid his arm around the back of her chair, enjoying the feeling he got as she leaned back into his touch, letting his fingers rest at the top of her arm.

Friday night had been one of celebration - they’d stayed at the bar long enough not to get ribbed too much for sneaking off together, and they’d gotten home early enough to bath the girls; Amanda had watched Sonny reading their bedtime story and her heart had swooped in a way that was becoming all too familiar. As he closed the book, placing it back onto the shelf behind Billie’s bed, Jesse had reached out a hand to him, “Uncle Sonny?”

Sonny let Jesse take his hand, crouching down to be closer to her, and he brushed her hair back from her face with his free hand, “Yeah, Jess?”

“Did the bad guy go to jail today?”

“Yeah, he did,” he pressed a kiss to her forehead and she smiled sleepily up at him.

“Can we go see your mommy?” He turned to look at Amanda, where she was still watching the two of them, and she gave him a small shrug. “I heard you tell Mommy we could go see your mommy once the bad guy went to jail.”

“Jesse,” Amanda shook her head, “What did we say about listening to grow up conversations?”

“I wanted to know why Uncle Sonny was sad,” Jesse said, pouting up at her. Amanda couldn’t help but smile - the way Jesse cared so much about how other people were feeling always filled Amanda with pride; that her little girl was already so kind, that with every day she grew into her own, wonderful little person. Amanda’s gazed flicked to Sonny, who was leaning back, an almost guilty expression on his face. 

“Jesse- I wasn’t-”

“Okay, time to say goodnight, I think,” Amanda said quietly, and Jesse sighed dramatically before dropping her head back to the pillow. Sonny gave her one more goodnight kiss, turning to look back at Billie - sleeping soundly - before he followed Amanda back out to the living room.

“I never meant for her to-” he started, but Amanda didn’t let him finish, meeting his words with a kiss.

“Don’t start finding new things to feel guilty about, Carisi,” she said, and he nodded slightly, his eyes trailing over her face, he opened his mouth to speak but closed it again, instead wrapping his arms loosely around her waist.

“I’m so lucky,” he said, leaning down to kiss her again; she broke away only to lead him to the living room, pulling him down to join her on the couch, his lips back on hers before she’d even settled against the cushions. She let him push her back against the arm rest, hovering over her, holding himself up with one arm whilst the other moved down her body. When he pulled back for air, moving his lips to her neck, she cupped the back of his head, her fingers running through his hair as she thought about how she was the lucky one in this scenario.

Sonny had slipped out of the apartment early on Sunday morning - he’d been planning to go to his place on Saturday night but somehow he hadn’t managed to break away; after falling asleep on the couch with Jesse tucked into his side and Billie curled up in his lap, he’d helped her tuck the girls into their own beds. Amanda had taken one look at him, his hair sleep-mussed and his clothes rumpled, and she’d determined not to let him go home to his own empty bed. He’d left before breakfast, a good morning and a goodbye kiss before she was even fully awake, telling her he had to get a change of clothes before they went to Staten Island. She’d sleepily told him he should keep more clothes at her place, and once he’d gone she’d lain back on her bed worrying about whether she’d said a little too much, given away too much.

She hadn’t had time to dwell on it - she was nervous about meeting his parents officially, about whether or not they’d like her, and the girls, and what their thoughts exactly were on their only son taking up with a single mother, taking on two other men’s children - she had spent the morning getting the girls ready, choosing outfits, packing a bag with toys, books and other essentials, reminding Jesse to be on her best behaviour.

Jesse had none of Amanda’s concerns, she was far more excited than Amanda was nervous, and she kicked her feet happily as Amanda brushed her hair back for the third time that morning, “I think I’m gonna like them, Mommy. I love Uncle Sonny.”

“Yeah, me- uh, yeah, I know you do,” she pressed a kiss to the top of Jesse’s head, “And he loves you.”

“And Billie.”

“And Billie too,” she wound her arms around her firstborn, hugging her close, “Uncle Sonny’s mom and dad are really excited to meet you - you know he’s been telling them all about you since you were born.”

“Really?” Jesse’s eyes were wide, her excitement growing. 

“Yeah, he’s always been so proud of you,” Amanda said, her heart doing somersaults again because it was true. Sometimes she couldn’t believe she’d end up here - not just the two daughters she’d sworn she’d never have but now couldn’t imagine life without - but being with Sonny, with a man who not only treated her better than she thought she deserved, but loved her children with his whole heart. Meeting the parents wasn’t something she’d done many times before, and her nerves today were about so much more than just meeting the Carisi family - they were about just how much this - being with Sonny, being a part of each other’s worlds - mattered to her. 

Jesse pulled away from her at the sound of Sonny’s key in the lock, bounding across the living room as though it hadn’t been just hours since she’d last seen him. “He’s here!”

Sonny would have been lying if he’d said he wasn’t nervous - it wasn’t the same kind of overwhelming nerves he’d had facing Bobby in the courtroom, but more akin to the kind of nerves he’d had the first time that he’d kissed Amanda - like this was something he wanted more than anything, but he was afraid of what could go wrong, how he could mess it up. Amanda, Jesse, Billie - they were his family just as much as his parents and siblings, and he wanted them to know each other, to be a part of each other’s worlds. He knew his parents would love Amanda - knew that they already half-did, that his mother had maybe loved Amanda since the first time she’d spotted Sonny’s face light up when her name was on his caller ID at Sunday dinner. That was longer ago than he’d care to admit, but he knew she could still read all over his face whenever he was thinking about Amanda. He wasn’t worried about the girls either - they were both impossible not to love, from the second Jesse’s tiny fingers had curled around his he knew he was doomed to spend the rest of his life enamoured with the Rollins girls. He just hoped nothing went wrong, that his mother wasn’t too over eager, that his dad didn’t make an awkward joke he couldn’t cover for, that Amanda wasn’t overwhelmed by his family and the significance the day held.

He realised, later, that his parents must have been nervous too. His dad was waiting on the front steps when they arrived, and had started in on him the second he’d gotten out of the car, and over-zealous in an attempt to make a good first impression. Amanda had pulled the car up onto the driveway and Sonny had reached out to squeeze her hand, “Ready?”

She'd squeezed his hand right back, “Ready.”

He unbuckled his seat, climbing out of the passenger side and was met immediately by his father, a frown on his face, “Did you make Amanda drive, Sonny?”

“I didn’t make her,” Sonny said, “She won’t let me drive her car.”

His father’s frown deepened, “You could’ve brought your car.”

“The car seats, Dad,” he rolled his eyes, moving around the car to open the rear passenger door for Jesse to scramble out of. She looked up at Sonny’s father, her eyes wide, and looped an arm around Sonny’s leg nervously; with a smile, Sonny lifted her into his arms, “This is my dad. His name’s Dominick too.”

“But all my grandkids call me Nonno,” his dad said, and Sonny’s heart swelled, his eyes darting to Amanda; she had lifted Billie from her car seat and was watching them from the other side of the jeep; he saw a nervous smile come over her face.

“Is that like a grandpa?” Jesse asked.

“Exactly like a grandpa,” his father responded, and Sonny felt a deep sense of emotion at the easy way his father was accepting the girls - Sonny didn’t know what the future held, what place he’d fill in Jesse and Billie’s lives, but he knew that he wanted to be as much of a father to them as he could be, and that without hesitation his parents were willing to be grandparents to these two little girls they didn’t know, but who their son loved with everything he was - it made him feel proud that they were his parents, that this was the home he had come from. 

Amanda met his eye as she came around the car, and he moved his free hand to the small of her back; she didn’t look uncomfortable; she looked a little overwhelmed, touched by his father’s words to Jesse, who was looking up at her newly declared grandfather with awe. 

“At last,” his dad said, turning to Amanda, “You know his mother’s been tryin’ to get him to bring you out here for about five years,” he held out a hand for Amanda to shake, “So glad to meet the woman that’s had him upside down for so long.”

Amanda’s cheeks reddened, but not nearly as much as Sonny was sure his own had. They followed his father up the front steps and into the house, and just before Sonny put Jesse down she leaned in to whisper in his ear, “Is that how you’re gonna look when you’re a grandpa?”

Sonny bit back a laugh as Jesse slid to the ground, a hand on the top of her head as he guided her towards the kitchen. Looking at his father, Sonny had always had a pretty good idea of how he’d look as he aged, but the fascination in Jesse’s eyes had him fighting a grin. His mother had no hesitation at all in sweeping Jesse into her arms, and though she threw a glance over her shoulder to her mother and godfather, Jesse hugged back with just as much enthusiasm. 

Billie reached out to Sonny as soon as they stepped into the kitchen, excitedly clamouring to get closer to the action.

“Are you not gonna do proper introductions, Sonny?” his dad asked, leaning back against the kitchen table with his arms folded over his chest. 

His nerves were creeping back up - his earlier affection for his father waning at the expression of disappointment on his face, and his eyes flicked to Amanda briefly, hoping she wasn’t picking up on his father’s mood, “Dad, ease up.”

“What? You’ve never brought a girl home before,” he said, throwing a wink in Amanda’s direction and losing all pretence of tension, “I want to make sure you’re treating her right.”

“Dad.”

“He’s treating me very well, Mr Carisi,” Amanda said, reaching out to run a hand over the back of Billie’s hair - her head was buried into Sonny’s neck, a thumb in her mouth as she watched with eager eyes as his mother handed Jesse a freshly baked cookie - dessert before dinner being a grandparent’s speciality.

“You can call me Dominick,” his dad said, a grin breaking out onto his face. “And you,” he pointed to Sonny, “Can give me a hand. Your mother wants some boxes shifted from the garage and I’m not allowed to lift them apparently.”

“Your back, Dominick,” his mother scolded, rolling her eyes, “But let me get a look at the boy first.”

He reluctantly left Amanda and the girls alone with his mother, Billie had willingly leapt into his mother’s arms at the promise of a cookie of her own, and Jesse’s initial shyness had dissipated quickly once inside the house. Amanda gave him a look, silently assuring him she was fine, and so he followed his father out to the garage with only minor complaint.

“Gina said you won the case, Sonny,” his dad said as soon as they were alone.

“Yeah,” he nodded, “Guilty on all counts - he won’t be getting out for a long time.”

“I don’t know if your mom and I ever said, but we’re so impressed with you, with everythin’ you’ve done.”

“Dad-”

“Don’t worry, I’m not gonna get all sentimental on you,” he pointed to a pile of boxes in the corner of the garage, and Sonny moved to lift the first one, sensing his father’s desire to be occupied while he spoke, “But y’know, you didn’t have it easy and you’ve more than made somethin’ of yourself. And now you’ve got this beautiful family- an’ I know what you’re gonna say, about it bein’ new and all that, but the way you look at that girl - the second you got outta that car. I’ve been lookin’ at your mother like that for fifty years.”

Sonny lifted the first box, and followed his father out to the driveway and loading it into the back of his parents’ car. Neither of them spoke until they were back in the garage, and Sonny was trying to find the words to thank his father, to share with him how he felt, but his dad - who had never been so much of a talker, at least when it came to emotions - just carried on going. “Those little girls too. I know what it’s like to love someone that much - that’s why- why your mother and I agreed we’re gonna be just as much grandparents to them as we are to your sisters’ kids. Unless that’s not something the two of you are comfortable with.”

“I-” Sonny swallowed, turning away from the box he’d been about to lift, “Dad, they’re my world. I want- I know I said you were gettin’ ahead of yourself last week, an’ you are, but- but yeah, one day maybe. If she’ll have me. If they will.”

“Good, all your mother and I want is for you and your sisters to be happy. You know that already, you already feel like that about those girls,” he smiled, “An’ that’s enough chat, your mom really does want these boxes shifted an’ if you’re not quick she’ll get to tellin’ Amanda about your first grade talent show.”

It took another twenty minutes to clear out the boxes, and they had worked in companionable silence - Sonny didn’t need to say more for his dad to know how he felt. He heard Jesse’s excited chatter as they walked back into the house; she was sat between Amanda and his mom on the couch, a photo album open on her knee; his mother had one hand holding onto Billie and was pointing out pictures with the other, and he groaned internally at the sight, “Is that really Uncle Sonny?”

“Yes,” his mother was saying, “He’s about five years old there.”

“I’m five now!” Jesse said, bouncing in her seat.

“Ma, come on,” he said as he walked into the room, “Not the baby pictures already.”

“I’ve been waiting a long time to show off that cute face,” his mother said; Amanda laughed, smiling mischievously up at him, and he knew there were questions coming his way.
 
“It’s embarassin’,” he grumbled, dropping down onto the other couch. Billie tugged away from his mother, scrambling down and toddling across the room to be hoisted onto his knee, a big grin on her face. In one hand she held a photograph that must have come loose from the album and she thrust it into his face excitedly. He pulled it back, glancing at the photo; it was taken a couple weeks after the incident with Bobby Bianchi - Bella’s birthday, a family photo that he couldn’t get out of, his face was still marked with scratches, remnants of the deeper cuts left behind. 

“Sonny!” Billie said, excitedly, and he gently set the photo aside, wondering if Amanda or Jesse had caught sight of it before Billie took possession. He pressed a kiss to the top of Billie’s head, laughing as her eyes flicked curiously back and forth between him and his father. 

Amanda had expected to like Sonny’s parents; they had made him into the man he was, after all, and from the stories he had told her, the way he always spoke about them, she had known they were loving and despite her nerves she had anticipated them being kind, but she hadn’t been prepared for the way they had swept her and the girls into their family without even blinking. It hadn’t bothered her, the way it might have done years ago; she wanted to be a part of this family, for her girls to have the kind of grandparents that were so eager to see them they were out on the front steps when the car pulled up, who snuck them cookies before dinner and let them win at board games. Jesse would be talking about “Nonna Carisi”’s cooking for days, and Billie had been toddling around after Sonny’s dad most of the afternoon, clinging to his leg whenever he stopped still. 

Mrs Carisi had thrown them out of the kitchen when they had suggested helping with the dishes, swatting at Sonny with a dish towel and telling him he knew better, “And your dad will take the girls out into the backyard,” she said, turning towards Mr Carisi who stood up from the table, lifting Billie into the air much to her delight. Mrs Carisi smiled fondly at her husband before looking back at Sonny, “Take Amanda through to the other room - we’re on grandparent duty.”

Amanda let Sonny lead her back into the living room, and they sat together on the couch, his arm coming around her and her head resting against his shoulder. “Your parents are great, I can’t believe they…” she hesitated, leaning back to look at Sonny properly, “I never expected them to accept the girls just like that.”

“If you’re not comfortable with it I can speak to my mom,” he said; she could see the hesitation in his eyes, the careful way he was watching her.

“No, it’s great, really. I just- I just never thought it would be like this,” she dropped her head back down, reaching across him to take his left hand in her right, slotting their fingers together. It was easier to speak when she wasn’t looking at his face, “I don’t want you to keep worrying that I’m gonna panic or back out of this, Sonny. I know it’s been a long road but I’m not turning back now.”

He sighed softly, turning his head to press a kiss to her hair, “I’ve been wanting to say- you know, we’ve taken our time to get here and I don’t wanna do anything that’ll screw it up, but this past couple of weeks, I… I appreciate you so much, y’know?”

She squeezed their joined fingers, hoping he knew that the feeling was mutual, hoping to silently convey it if he didn’t. They sat a few moments in silence, Amanda’s eyes beginning to drift closed; she lifted her head to stop herself from falling asleep right here in Sonny’s parents’ living room, and as she did so a discarded photograph caught her eye, one that had strayed from the albums they’d been looking through earlier. She dropped his hand and reached for the photo, lifting it up to get a better look; her heart tightened at the image of a young Sonny, cuts and scrapes covering his face as he posed with his siblings, an awkward, forced smile on his young face.

Amanda leaned back to look at him, the stiffness in his jaw as he caught sight of the photograph. She lay a hand on his thigh and he turned to look at her as she spoke, “Tell me about him?”

“Who?”

She tapped the photo with her thumb, “Little Sonny Carisi.”

He shook his head, “You don’t wanna hear about that.”

“I wanna know everything about you, Carisi,” she told him sincerely, and he paused a moment, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth before he spoke.

“I was- I don’t know, I was me, just smaller,” he gave her a smile, “I wanted to be- Gina, she was always one of the cool kids, y’know? Always had a whole crowd of friends around her. I used to be jealous, that it was so easy for her. Bella, she was sweet - everyone liked her. I always felt kinda awkward,” he took the photo from her, staring at it for a moment before setting it to one side, “And, y’know, the other kids at school, in the neighbourhood, they gave me a hard time,” he poked her thigh gently, “You woulda been too cool for me.”

She smiled, taking his hand in hers, “I would’ve been wrong.”

He laughed, shaking his head, “I hit a growth spurt right after I started high school. It didn’t make me any less awkward, but Bobby, the other kids, they moved on to- to other targets, and I picked up basketball, made some friends... just kinda kept my head down, you know. I mean, I was never what you’d call quiet-”

“Shocking.” He rolled his eyes at her, but she could see him holding back a smile. 

“I was just a kid, I guess,” he shrugged, “Nothin’ special.”

“You grew up pretty special, Dominick,” she told him; she wished he could see it, wished he understood just how far he’d come since he’d been that scared little boy tormented by a bully, wished he could see how much more he was than a frightened boy who’d kept a secret too long. 

“I don’t know about that,” he said, not meeting her eye.

“No, I mean it. You did,” she lifted their joined hands, her lips grazing his knuckles, and she smiled when he lifted his head to look at her, “You’re… you know, how much you mean to me, to the girls- but it’s not just that, you were a great cop and you are a great prosecutor. Just look at what you did this week.”

He nodded, “I really feel like I got justice for that scrawny little kid, finally.”

“Now you can start to forgive yourself a little, yeah?” she pressed another kiss to his hand, “Forgive thirteen year old Sonny.”

“Yeah, maybe,” he glanced back over his shoulder at the photo he’d put down behind him, and she watched him for a moment, waiting for him to turn back to look at her.

“I know I already told you, but I was so proud of you in that courtroom,” she said - and she hoped he could see how much she meant it, “Proud of you, and proud to be with you.” 

He smiled, an uneven, uncertain smile, he released her hand, resting both of his palms on his thighs, “I- Amanda, I want to… You know, I’ve been talking about being too afraid to stand up to Bobby, and you know, I faced that so I can face this- an’ this isn’t even a bad thing, I just-”

“Carisi,” she said, her heart rate increasing with every word he spoke - fear coursing through her because she knew where this was going, but she was surprised to find the fear dissipating almost as quickly as it formed, replaced instead by a ball of excitement in her stomach, a thrumming in her heart because she wasn’t afraid of this anymore, she was ready to let him say this - she thought she might even be ready to say it back. 

“I know this isn’t exactly the- the most romantic- we’re in my parents’ house an’ the girls are gonna come in any second and my mom’s probably listenin’ in but… but I-”

She could see the uncertainty behind his stuttering; there was no sign of the confident Sonny Carisi she’d gotten used to seeing hiding behind his eyes - he was stumbling through this because he didn’t know how it would be received, and that pained her. “Dominick-”

He shook his head, not letting her interrupt, “No, I- I want to say it-”

“I know what you’re gonna say,” she said, placing a hand over his on his left thigh, “And you can say it, okay? Don’t- I want you to say it.”

“What?” he gave her a lopsided smile that he probably thought hid the apprehension in his face, “I was just gonna say that I think we should ask my mom for her-”

“Carisi,” she cut him off a little more sharply than she probably needed to - but as much as she loved the way they could freely joke with each other, she didn’t think her heart could take much more waiting.

“I’m sorry,” he smiled, reaching out to take her hand in his again; he didn’t hesitate again, didn’t take a chance to compose himself, he launched straight in with so much honestly and conviction that Amanda could never question whether he meant every single word, “I love you. I love you so much it drives me crazy.”

She kissed him. She couldn’t not - her heart was pounding in her chest, her body was drawn to his and all she could think about was kissing him, about him kissing her back with all the passion he held inside him, not caring that they were on his parents’ couch, surrounded by photos of his childhood self, his mother banging about in the kitchen and their girls giggling as they ran around the backyard; she pressed into him and he leaned back into the couch cushions, his arms coming around her, holding her as close as he could, his lips not leaving hers. They eventually pulled apart breathless and laughing - thirty seconds could have passed or thirty minutes and Amanda couldn’t have told you because her heart and her mind were both so full of him, of Dominick Carisi Jr and the fact that he loved her.

She pressed her forehead to his, catching her breath and readying herself to say the words back; they were so close together that she could feel the smile on his face and she sighed happily into him as she opened her mouth, “Dominick, I-”

“Oh not again.” 

Amanda turned to see Jesse standing in the doorway, an exasperated look on her face; her gaze moved upwards to see Mr Carisi standing behind Jesse, a hand on her shoulder and a smile on his face, he nudged Jesse away from the door, turning her back towards the kitchen with the suggestion that Nonna Carisi might have some juice boxes in the fridge. Once Jesse had skipped off he ducked his head back around the door frame with a small smile, “I’m gonna close this - let me know if Jesse and Billie need a sleepover.” 

He was laughing as he pulled the door closed behind him and Sonny’s cheeks were red when Amanda turned back to him, a little embarrassed herself at being caught half-straddling Sonny in his parents’ living room, she shuffled backwards, sitting back on the couch but he closed the gap between them just as swiftly, a brief kiss to her lips, “That was-” he laughed, “It’s been a long time since my parents have caught me makin’ out with someone.”

“Not the first impression I was hoping to make,” Amanda admitted; he shook his head, running his thumb over her cheek and smiling at her reassuringly. She returned the smile, “I was gonna say-”

“You don’t have to.”

“I’m gonna, because I mean it. Dominick, I love you too,” she said, and she could feel his smile against her lips as he kissed her, long and slow, pouring his heart in it. When he pulled back she stood, holding out a hand for him, “Come on,” she said, “Let’s go see what our girls are getting up to.”

He let her lead him to the door, her hand ghosting over the handle briefly before she turned back to look at him, “I really am so proud of you,” she said, and she delighted in the look on his face, the love she could finally admit to seeing there.