Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chuuya sat on his bed, legs crossed, laptop open in front of him, anxiously chewing at his fingernail as he stared at the webpage in front of him. 

This was overstepping a boundary, right? 

He had spent the last few hours doing... research. Two days ago, he learned Dazai was transgender, after an incident involving an unfortunately placed bullet wound. It wasn't a coming out per say, more like an unavoidable reveal, but nonetheless, Dazai had trusted Chuuya with that information about himself. He trusted Chuuya with his secret. 

He had kept his promise. He hadn't told anyone, and didn't plan to. He wouldn't break that trust. 

It did, however, have the unfortunate consequence that Chuuya couldn't ask anyone about it, not really. Even if he was vague about who he was talking about, people would make assumptions, and that wouldn’t be fair to Dazai.

Dazai hadn't brought up the subject after that night, except to clarify that he was in fact a boy and wanted to be treated as such. Chuuya wished he would talk about it more, but he wasn't going to push. Recently, something in their dynamic had shifted ever so slightly, their vicious rivalry softening at the edges. Chuuya wouldn't go as far as to call them friends , not really, but they were getting there. He wasn't about to ruin that. 

So, Chuuya had taken to the internet. He knew what being transgender was , at least. Kouyou had mentioned her own transition a couple of times to him, but frankly he didn't know too much about it, especially not in Dazai's situation. 

He wanted to be educated. In case Dazai ever did want to talk about it. He wanted to.... support him. Emotionally. That realization made him pause. 

As much as Chuuya claimed he disliked the other boy, and he did , mostly, he could never stop the concern that ate away at him whenever Dazai talked about wanting to die, or even worse, the few times he had actually attempted to do something about it. The way Dazai had looked the other night, more vulnerable than Chuuya had ever seen him, his usual mask crumbling at the edges, had only made that little pit of worry inside of him grow. 

More specifically, It also hadn't escaped his notice that Dazai had been using his bandages to bind his chest before. He hadn't thought much of it at the time, there were more pressing issues on his mind, and Chuuya didn't know enough to be concerned about that fact. 

But now, after a good bit of research, he knew enough to know that was... unhealthy. He shouldn't have been surprised, given most of Dazai's self care habits, but more than Dazai's many other self care issues...this seemed like something Chuuya could help with. 

So here he was, cursor hovering over the 'add to cart' button on a binder he hoped was Dazai's size. 

This was too much, right? This was weird- Dazai would find this invasive, he was sure, and it isn't like he's expressed much concern for Dazai before this (at least not openly.) 

But as much as he wished he could, he wasn’t able to stop thinking about the fact that Dazai wouldn't do this for himself. Not willingly. Someone had to reach out, offer him support, and right now, Chuuya needed to be that person. 

Chuuya wanted to be that person. 

Wasn't that fucked up? It's not like the mackerel deserved it. Chuuya never was good at ignoring his emotions, though, his gut instinct, as much as he desperately tried. 

Before he could talk himself out of his decision, Chuuya clicked the button, adding the garment to his cart, before proceeding to order it to his apartment. 

Fuck it. If Dazai was pissed at him for this, then fine. He could be upset. It was better than Dazai hurting himself. 

With a resounding sigh, Chuuya slammed his laptop shut with more force than necessary, before flopping back down onto his bed, pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes. 

God....When did he start caring so much about that bastard? 

----------- 

The sounds of buttons mashing and electronic music from his handheld controller echoed in the frankly pathetic metallic box that Dazai called his home. 

Dazai was bored out of his mind. Since the last mission where he had gotten injured, he had been given some time to recover, and in that time, Dazai was going stir-crazy. 

He was itching for a job, to do anything . At this point he would even take doing paperwork over sitting alone with his own thoughts. Even his video games, ever a useful distraction, did little to turn his brain off. 

He hadn't seen Chuuya since they parted ways after their last job, and Dazai didn't know if he was glad for that fact or not. 

It's not like the two of them hung out that often outside of work, so going a week without seeing each other wasn't all that out of the ordinary. So really, Dazai shouldn't care so much. This incessant worry that Chuuya was bothered by the reveal shouldn't be eating away at him like this. 

He seemed fine with it before, respectful of Dazai's insistence that he didn't want to talk about it, and so far, he hadn’t really treated Dazai any differently than before. Now though, Chuuya had almost an entire week to think. What if he had changed his mind? What if he had started to think of Dazai differently, despite how nice he was about it initially?  

It was hard not to think back to Mori's reaction to the news. He had known since he met Dazai, after rescuing him after an attempt, and it had been an upward battle to get Mori to actually treat Dazai like a boy. Even now, Dazai was sure Mori didn't actually think of him that way, only acting like it to appease him somewhat. 

What if Chuuya was the same way? 

His spiraling thoughts were interrupted by a loud banging from the outside of his container, the sound of someone knocking echoing loudly in the small space. 

There were a very small number of people who knew where he lived. Mori never bothered to visit, and Odasaku was respectful enough to at least call before stopping by, so that really only left one person.

Ah speak of the devil.

Dazai let out a melodramatic sigh, pausing his game and sitting up from where he was half dangling off the edge of his bed. “Come in.”

The heavy metal door opened with a loud groaning noise, and of course, Dazai’s suspicions were correct. Chuuya stood in the entrance to the container, the mid afternoon light causing Chuuya to appear silhouetted, his shadow looming across the small room. 

Dazai didn’t have enough time to ask what the redhead wanted, and he barely had time to register the small package Chuuya was holding, before the package was thrown across the room at him, smacking Dazai in the chest before falling down into his lap. 

Dazai’s mouth parted slightly in surprise before he was able to school his expression into his usual nonchalance. By the slightly smug grin present on Chuuya’s face, he was guessing he had caught the slip in composure. 

“Ah it seems my dog really does know how to fetch!” 

Chuuya’s smug expression shifted into his usual annoyance, but the way he was gripping the sleeve of his jacket gave Dazai the impression that the other teen was nervous. “Just open it, asshole.”

Dazai’s curiosity got the better of him, so he spared Chuuya the further teasing, instead looking down at the package in his lap. Chuuya had never gotten him anything, in the entire time they had known each other, so he wasn’t sure what to expect. 

The package was small, and thin, and based on the weight and texture, whatever was inside was some kind of fabric or piece of clothing. Dazai used his thumbnail to tear open the adhesive keeping the package closed, before pulling out the contents of the package. 

It took a moment to realize what he was holding. It was tan, about the same color as his skin, and it was a spandex-like material. Once Dazai unfolded the garment though, he realized what it was. 

Despite not owning one until now, Dazai knew what a binder was. He never really bothered to buy one, mainly because it was a pain, and it’s not like he had an actual address to ship it to. His bandages worked well enough until now, so it was fine. 

Chuuya chewed his bottom lip, anxiously awaiting Dazai’s reaction, hoping that his anxiety wasn’t showing on his face. He had no doubt that Dazai would have been able to pick out his expression regardless of how well he hid it. Dazai wasn’t paying attention though, the other boy just staring at the item in his lap, and for once the other teen’s expression was honest- mouth slightly parted and eyebrows furrowed together in confusion.

Oh god, he was right. This was super weird, he definitely crossed a line. 

The silence was palpable, tension so thick you could cut it with a knife. It was a good minute and a half until Dazai finally spoke. 

“....Why?” 

Chuuya was taken aback by the question. He was expecting Dazai to be angry, hell, even gratitude wouldn’t have been too strange, but confusion was not a reaction he was prepared for. Although, given their relationship, he supposed it kind of made sense. 

“Because I don’t want you to break a rib? What the fuck?” Chuuya replied. He meant to sound annoyed, like he was stating the obvious, but his nerves were evident in his voice. If Dazai noticed, he didn’t comment. 

“Why do you care? ” Dazai didn’t look up from the item in his lap.  

Chuuya paused. He didn’t have an answer. He wished he did- he didn’t know what drew him to the other teen, why he wanted to take care of him, regardless of how resistant Dazai was to the idea. There was something about the small bits of vulnerability that Chuuya had seen from Dazai, the small glimpses into his true self, something that Chuuya understood, as much as he wished he didn’t. He didn’t really want to explain that much to Dazai though. 

“I don’t know,” He started, after a brief moment of collecting his thoughts. “You’re my partner, I guess?” He didn’t sound sure, but it was the most honest answer he was willing to give. “We’re supposed to look out for each other.”

There was another beat of silence, and then Dazai spoke, quietly. “Right.”

Chuuya was grateful the other teen didn’t tease him about his answer. As much as he found familiar comfort in their usual bickering, there was something about this honest moment between the two of them, the kind of sincerity that they were both so unused to, that made something turn in his chest. 

“I..I hope it’s the right size,” Chuuya said, picking at a thread on his sleeve. He wasn’t sure why he was still nervous. He hated it. “I kind of had to guess.”

Dazai blinked at him a couple times, expression still a little lost. “I’m sure it’s fine.”

Chuuya swallowed, trying to school his expression into something more familiar than... whatever was going on with his emotions at the moment. “Just make sure you actually wear it, alright? If you break a fucking rib I’m not listening to you whine about it.” 

Dazai looked up at Chuuya, giving him a small smile. It wasn’t like his usual smiles, all sharp edges and mischief, this one was softer, his lips barely upturned, but his eyes were soft. “Chuuya?”

Chuuya tried to ignore how hot his face felt. “Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

Chuuya couldn't help but return the smile. He was pretty sure this was the first time Dazai had ever genuinely thanked him for anything. “No problem.”

Chuuya shifted back and forth on his feet, glancing between Dazai and the door behind him. “I should-”

“Chibi should stay.”

“I- What?” Now it was Chuuya’s turn to stare at Dazai, bewildered. 

Dazai flopped back onto his bed dramatically. “Well you came out all this way to bother me, you might as well keep me company. I’ve been bored out of my mind here, waiting for something to do.”

Chuuya suspected that wasn’t the real reason why Dazai had asked, but either way, he felt his heart stutter in his chest. Seriously, what the fuck was going on with him today? Regardless of the reason, the idea of just hanging out with Dazai didn’t seem so bad. 

“Yeah, sure,” Chuuya said, walking over to join Dazai on the bed. He nudged Dazai’s leg where it was dangling over the edge of the bed with his foot. “Move over, asshole.”

Dazai whined about it, but eventually did scoot over as Chuuya plopped down next to him, snatching the console from beside Dazai. 

Yeah , Chuuya thought, as Dazai teased him over his third consecutive loss in the game they were playing, I think we could be friends.