Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

He stares at the mirror yet again, absorbing the way his long hair fall against his shoulder and his bangs stick to his forehead

Eyes red and wide open, bluish eyebag on display
Cheeks and nose reddening for crying too much

He hates it. He hate the person staring right back at him - disgusting

His grips on the sink tightened, turning his knuckles white to ground himself

'Useless piece of shit'
'Disgusting excuse of a person'
'Pervert freak'
'A confused boy'
'A boy'

Dongju snapped out of his thoughts when a soft knock were landed on the bathroom's door

"Dongju-ah, are you okay? We have to leave in five" Hwanwoong chimed from the outside

He hummed a yes, not trusting his voice to answer just yet

Splashing the water on his face a few more time, he tries to ignore the mirror before making his way out and to the living room, grabbing his phone and his bag to follow the rest to their manager's car

___

Of course, luck were not on his side as they were informed to be scheduled for a dance practice for 6 hours

Ignoring the mirrors were certainly not an easy task, considering that the practice room have two giant ass of mirrors so they can check their dance - and it has set Dongju on the edge

He were doing fine, really
Until his part come and he took a glance at the mirror, his heart skipped a beat

Then he weren't able to focus at anything, not the way the members keep eyeing him and not the way they've told him to focus

"Let's take a break!" Youngjo exclaim, followed by a relieved sighs from Keonhee and Seoho

The music were stopped and 5 of them take it to drink some water and catch their breaths
Except Dongju, whose breath has rather quickened the moment he were left alone with no sounds other than his own thoughts, eyes still locked to his reflection

"Yeah you are beautiful Dongju-ah, but sit down now and drink some water - you look like you're about to pass out"

Geonhak said, handling him a bottle of water

But Dongju's breath has quickened even more the moment that word left Geonhak's mouth

'beautiful'
'beautiful?'
'why does that make me feel good?'
'disgusting, I'm a man'
'I shouldn't be beautiful'
'A man should be handsome, right?'
'I'm a man, not a girl! Right?'

Tears made it way to Dongju's eyes, on his cheeks just a few seconds later

Dropping on his knees, he put his palms on his ears - too loud

Geonhak panicked at this, instantly kneeling down beside Dongju

"Shut up, shut up, I'm a man, I'm a man, shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!"

Dongju's voice echoed through the room, the members scrambled to him

"What happened?"
"Is he okay?"
"Dongju-ah?"
"He isn't responding!"
"Should I call an ambulance?"

They cries out desperate words, but Dongju can't hear them
Not when his own thoughts is too loud and his lungs closing up

He curls on himself, fully sobbing - embarrassing, so weak for a man, he thought

The members tries to calm him down, rubbing circle around his back, holding his hands, wiping his tears away

Soon, his breath steadied
But he feels so tired, so he let Youngjo and Seoho hold him all the way to their manager's car, whom Keonhee apparently has called

Letting himself cuddled against two members, he fell asleep

___

"Dong-ie, look up~"
"Aww is our Dong-ie crying?"

Siwoon and Taejoon has forced him to the school's toilet, locking it up from the inside and refusing to let Dongju out

And now he's on his knees, tears on his cheeks - bruising after being slapped around by his "friends"

"You know, we've been thinking for a while.."
Taejoon left his words hanging for a while, putting Dongju on the edge

"You look so much like a girl, so we want to know if it'll feels the same too"

Dongju gasped before finding himself pinned to the dirty floor, unable to get free from the grasp of two other boys, bigger and stronger than him

A scream left his mouth as they touched him, hurt him, ra-

Dongju woke up with a scream, jolted out from a memory he doesn't remember
But the memory has now creeps it way to Dongju's mind, chanting everything he doesn't want to remember

He trashes around when a pair of hand made it way to his shoulder, trying to calm him down

And it worked, only because he recognised the hands as Dongmyeong's

Steadying himself, he look around and realized he's on his bed, probably carried here by Geonhak
They probably told his twin

"Dong-ie, look at me-"
"Don't call me that!"

Disgusted by the nickname, he almost threw up when Taejoon and Siwon's voice replayed on his mind. Why didn't he remembers this before? He didn't remember this as the reason they stopped talking

"Ju, are you ok?"
Dongmyeong asked as he wrap the younger in a hug

He wailed onto Dongmyeong's neck, letting out all his sorrow

"Aigoo, my precious brother"

"I'm not your brother" Dongju let out in between sobs

"What? What do you mean? Dongju-ah"

Dongmyeong pull himself out of the hug, hands still on Dongju's shoulder, trying to make an eye contact

"I'm not..I don't feel like a brother, and I think-"
He let out a broken sob once again

"I feel more like a sister rather than a brother and thought I'll like it more if you call me sister instead - but how can I? It's disgusting! They made it feel so disgusting! This stupid feeling made them hurt me and I-"

"Dongju-ah, look at me.. I'm fine with that. You can be anything you want"

Dongmyeong gave Dongju an assuring smile

"But what you said, what do you mean by that, Ju? What happened?"

Dongju take a sharp break

"Siwon and Taejoon"

"Those from highschool? Why? You stopped talking with them one day"

"I think they raped me"

Dongmyeong pull Dongju into a hug, both of them letting a chocked up crying

Dongmyeong felt as if his world shattered, how dare they hurt his brot- sister, His precious sister. Dongju doesn't deserves this. And Dongmyeong let out another "you're gonna be okay, I'm here"

He felt Dongju falling asleep in his arm, he put them into a more comfortable position before snuggling close, falling asleep himself.

He'll need a talk with Dongju tomorrow, but for now - he just want to stay close and protect his precious sister

Chapter Text

Dongju woke up to find Dongmyeong and the other members snuggled close to them

Feeling the movement, Hwanwoong stirred awake too

"Oh Dongju-ah, feel better?" Concern written all over his face

"Um, better" Dongju hummed before making her way to the bathroom, grabbing her clothes and towel

Once inside, Dongju stares at their reflection - door locked

'What a shame'
'Maybe if you weren't such a pretty face'
'Maybe if you've acted like a men'
'Maybe if you've just been normal'
'If you weren't such a freak'
'If you've just accepted what you have in your pants'

'They wouldn't have raped you'

They let out a frustrated scream as the mirror cracked - knuckles bloody from punching it

"Dongju-ah! Open the door!" Keonhee yell, seconds after

Keonhee's plead were ignored as Dongju find herself staring at their reflection, their pitiful reflection

"Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, STUPID"
'But they didn't do anything wrong, right?'

"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT"
'But they didn't ask for it'

"USELESS FREAK"
'Was it so wrong?'

"MAN UP, WILL YOU? YOU'RE A MAN! A MAN, YOU FREAK!"
'But they didn't feel like a man'

"JUST DIE, WILL YOU?"
'Oh.."

Dongju stop herself from punching the mirror for the sixth time

'Oh' - she thought

Death doesn't sound so bad
Afterall, they're just an useless excuse of a freak, someone who couldn't accept their own body, someone who couldn't just be normal - and they got themselves punished for that

They raped her for that, a realisation hit - and death doesn't sound so bad

The constant yelling and knob twisting from outside were ignored as Dongju's hand travel to the razor on the sink, separating the blade

"Dongju, please.." a choked sob from Dongmyeong were all it take for Dongju to get the blade as far away from her - throwing it across the room

Dongmyeong hug her close as soon as she opened the door, the others are there too - worried

She feels like a five years old again, when she scrapped her knees and Dongmyeong hug her close, crying louder than her - nothing has changed much huh?

But so much has changed, because they're not an innocent child anymore - they're tainted now, abnormal

She just snuggle closer to Dongmyeong, crying to his nape

The others, seeing how much Dongju need supports, pull the twins into a group hug

Dongju knows they need to talk then, but now, they need a hug

___

"You doesn't have to talk if you don't want to" Seoho said, still busy treating Dongju's wound

"It's okay, I know you guys want to help"

"Whatever it is, know that we're here. We'll support you, we will help you." Youngjo said, rubbing circles on Dongju's back

The others nodded at that, sitting Infront of her

"Whenever you're ready" Dongmyeong gave them an assuring smile

___

To says that they were shocked were an understandment

Dongju told them what they had remembered, what had caused them a discomfort all these time but once forgotten

But she left out the other things, them knowing she was raped is enough

She doesn't need them knowing that the cause of this were herself

___

It's all suprisingly going well, they acted indifferent to Dongju, supported them and assure them that it's not their fault everyday

'of course they would, they didn't know how much of a freak Dongju is'

Dongju has been doing better, at least
They had started practice again, and the mirror isn't much of a problem anymore

Conversations goes smoothly, they still play around, eat together, shop with a mask and cap on, nothing changed much

Heck, Dongju even went to a make up store with Dongmyeong - the only one who knows her secret

It was going well

Until Dongju sees him as she was testing a lipstick on her hand, eyeing them from a distance with a smug smile

'Siwon'

Chapter Text

'Siwon'

Dongju freeze on the spot as they spot the devil, the lipstick fell to the floor

"Dongju? Baby, what's wrong?" Dongmyeong immediately leave his place to take Dongju's hands on his

Caressing his twin's cheeks, Dongmyeong follow the younger's gaze, landing his eyes on a taller man with a sharp features and brown hair. Lip split to a smile, deep dimples on his cheek - but far from sweet

"Is that-"
"Siwon"

Dongju gasped as the said man went back a few step as Dongmyeong slapped the asshole accross his face not a second later

"FUCKING ASSHOLE, I'LL MAKE YOU PAY"
A smack echoes through the shop again

"I'LL KILL YOU" Dongmyeong's fist were stopped mid-air from smacking Siwon for the third time

"Stop" a honey like voice announced before both the twins were taken outside, straight to a car way too familiar to them - it moves fast before the car stop Infront of their dorms building

"Hey Dongmyeong, tell hyung what the fuck was that?"

Yonghoon said from the driver's seat, clenched jaw and fiery eyes

"You never did that before, what was that about?" Silence followed after his question, Dongju still shocked and Dongmyeong too scared to answer

"I said, what the fuck was that?" The older's stern voice made them shivers

"That man was from highschool" Dongmyeong answered, not daring to look at the older

"Doesn't explain why you're trying to kill him" Dongmyeong has never seen Yonghoon this serious before, despite knowing each other for years

"He raped me" Dongju blurted out

The car is once again filled with silence

Dongju look up to Yonghoon as she feels the car moving again

"I'm going to kill that bastard" if Yonghoon was mad before, now he's filled with rage

"Hyung, no.. it's okay" she put a hand on the older's shoulder, stopping him from driving back to find Siwon

"I'm so- Dongju, I want to kill him" Yonghoon let out a heavy breath before turning in his seat, wrapping Dongju in a hug

They just melt into the hug, trying to find comfort in his arm

___

It has been a week since then, the incident left unspoken to their other groupmates

Dongju woke up feeling like shit, they got a headache and they feel anxious right off the bat

Groaning as she hears Youngjo from the door, announcing that they got dance practice and vocal training today

Standing from her bed, they took a shower before dressing up in whatever clothes they found - avoiding the mirror as much as possible before joining the others for their ride to the company

Dongju feels the anxiety but she brush it off thinking it will pass

___

"Five, six, and turn, back to five!"

Hwanwoong's instructions were left ignored as Dongju just keep dancing at her own pace, completely off synch from the other

The anxiety she felt earlier hasn't went down a bit, but keep growing

The stares she received from the other members are making them dizzy and the fact that Dongmyeong is not here are even more wrecking

She felt as if something bad were going to happen, but can't pin point what

Like, she's just dancing - what could go so wrong?

Will she got scolded? - that's fine, they've received a scolding so many time before

Will she faint? - they don't think so, they're just a bit tired

Will she received a bad news from home? - that's the worst that could happen

They just keep dancing even though their pace were a second too early or a second too late from the others

The anxiety is eating her alive, but nothing could go so wrong

Right?

A knock from the door were heard before their manager walk in to the practice room

"Hello guys, take a rest for a while! I want to introduce our new staff members! They will be helping you from now on, so be nice to them"

"Yes, hyung-nim" the others echoed

"Oh you can come in!" The man in his late 30 invite

But when they walk in, all colors vanished from Dongju's face

"Hello, my name is Taejoon.. I'll be in charge of your vocal training from now on!"

A nightmare

"And I'm Siwon, I'll be working with you guys in producing"

Another nightmare

"Please take good of us!!"

Nightmares after nightmares

A soft whimper were all that come out of Dongju's mouth - barely heard by the others
At this instance, she regretted not telling them the names of their walking nightmares

'You're asking for this, aren't you? Dumb fuck'
Dongju just stood frozen at her spot, mind blank

- Fuck, this is her fault again

Chapter Text

The first few days were nerves wrecking for Dongju

She flinch everytime someone got too close, she can't look at the mirrors longer than a second and refused to sleep before hearing Dongmyeong's voice through the phone

'I'm so stupid and weak' she thought cause really, they haven't done anything

They haven't touch her, look at her or even acknowledge her presence except when they're discussing works with the other members - and that's worse than anything

Cause now, Dongju is laying in her bed wide awake at what she assumed were 4 in the morning - thinking

'You just made it up in your head'
'pervert, you wanted it didn't you'
'They didn't touch you, you freak'
'stop playing victim'
'you made them the bad guys without reason'
'you're such a horrible person'
'you are lying'

Tears made it way to Dongju's eyes at that
Did they really made it up? Did she lied?

Though knowing the truth, Dongju still doubt theirselves - what a horrible person she is to accuse them of something so horrible

But what they did to them were very much true, and they made sure to let her know that

___

"Dongju can you stay behind? I need to discuss your part with you"

Taejoon's voice sent shivers down their spines

The other members gave her a smile before they walk out of the room

"I'm sure it's nothing, don't worry so much Dongju-ah! We'll tell hyung-nim to pick you up later" Geonhak assure her before disappearing behind the door

But it's not nothing, and she knows that

Because Siwon join in the room not a minute after, locking the door

Taejoon whistles before making his way to Dongju

"Well well, you're even more prettier now.. almost like you're begging for it"

Dongju steps back until their back hit the wall, she want to scream, she really do - but her voice won't obey her, as they were stuck on their throat

"Did you miss us?" Taejoon asked, caressing her cheeks

"Of course you did, look at you all dolled up for us" Siwon add

She can only shake her head as disgust took over her

"Ah!" Dongju let out a short yelp as Taejoon pulled on her hair

"Why are you so pretty, baby?"

The remarks made her stomach churls and twist

Of course it's her fault for being such a pretty face, she is pretty much begging for it isn't she?

"N-no, stop, stop" Dongju plead as cold hands made contact with their thighs and stomach

"No, no, no, please no"
"You can't say that when you begged for it with your pretty face"

Dongju's hands that were trying to push both of them off went limp at that

'Right, I begged for it'

And she gave up on fighting them - letting them do whatever they want to

___

When they finished, it has been two hours
Dongju were left on the floor, chest heaving up and down trying to catch their breaths

"Not a word to the others, dollface"

Dongju flinched at Siwon's words

"Aw, you still like being called that? We used to call you that all the time, Dongie-ah" He trails off

"Remember that? You used to call us hyungs! You begged to join us in the music room"

'Really?' Dongju can't remember a thing from highschool related to the other two, as if it never happened - she blocked it from her memory

"You likes begging since forever, huh? We'll add that to our list for next time" Taejoon announce before making his way out with Siwon

'Next time?' Dongju just curls themselves into a ball - sobbing

___

The ride home were quiet, Dongju too dissociated and the manager doesn't know what to say

The dorm were quiet too when she entered, the lights were off

She just quickly take what she needed and went into the bathroom

When she saw her naked body in the mirror, you'd expect her to cry and freak out again

But all she did were scoff at how the bruises she got can easily be covered up

'They're smart, aren't they?' They only bruises her where they know won't show in normal clothing - her inner thighs, her ribs and her stomach

No one will notice unless she strip Infront of them

'You can't be mad when you begged for it, you whore'

That phrase chants through Dongju's mind and follow them even later when she were in a call with Dongmyeong

___

Two weeks later and they didn't stop, they still make her stay behind every other day to please themselves or just to tell her those stories

That same old stories.

Today were no exception, they call her for 'extra vocal training'
The hyungs started questioning them but were forced to leave for dance practice and interviews

"What you wanna do today, Dongie-ah?"

"You said I'm here for vocal training, so if we aren't doing that, I'm gonna join the others"
Dongju doesn't know where this sudden courage come from but it sure is satisfying to caught Siwon off guard

But what left Taejoon's mouth after left Dongju gaping

"Donghyun wouldn't like his little Dongju being rude like this"

A thousand memories flood her mind

"Eat more, you're going to have a stomachache like this"

A student, taller than Dongju

"Do you want me to teach you?"

Sof hands, neat clothes

"Be careful! See you tomorrow"

Sharp eyes, rosy lips

"DONGJU RUN, RUN DON'T MIND ME"

Warm voice, pale skin

"Donghyun hyung"

Dongju gasped, feeling overwhelmed

"Yes, your Donghyun hyung..That bastard ruined our funs and then disappear without a trace"

Dongju let out a choked sob as her memories were flooded with Donghyun again

'That's right, hyung stopped them. And I just run like a coward'

"Where is he?"
"Yah, we told you he disappeared without a trace"

Silence surround them for a while before Taejoon broke it

"Then, should we continue the fun?"

Dongju let them do whatever without much fight, mind still foggy

For the first time, she felt helpless

Because they're touching her again,

and Donghyun is not here to save them

Chapter Text

Dongju jolt awake, a scream dying on their lips - muted

That person, that one person. That's all she had in her mind for the past few weeks

The torment has decreased since they were all busy for their online concert but that doesn't mean it hurt any less

After those monsters mentioned him, it hurts so much more
Mostly because deep down, she'd hoped that Donghyun would break the door and save them again, just like before

Of course life doesn't work like that

Dongju sat on their bed, Sweaty and dizzy - she went straight to bed after their concert, only changing clothes without shower
The clock shows it is a little past 6pm

Careful as they stand, she made her way to the living room

The members were scattered around with their brother group
Yonghoon and Youngjo on the couch, Kanghyun, Giwook, Geonhak and Seoho are on the floor while Harin, Dongmyeong, Hwanwoong and Keonhee are doing some weird dance battles

"Oh? Dongju-ah! Good afternoon!!"
Seoho greet them with a big smile

"Afternoon, my ass" Dongju said, ducking when a pillow came flying from where Seoho sit

"OH? PILLOW FIGHT!!" Keonhee announced before they all break into a pillow fight -Dongju barely able to grab a pillow

___

They all lays on the floor, trying to catch their breaths after the pillow fight

"Why are you guys here?" Dongju nudged Giwook side, trying to whisper but failing miserably

"Because"

"That doesn't answer the question" Kanghyun answered Dongmyeong, hands still holding tissues to his bloody nose from Geonhak's way too powerful accidental pillow swing

"Shut up before I blackmail Geonhak hyung to broke your nose again"

"Wait, blackmail me with what?" Geonhak eyes suspiciously at the short guy

"I won't tell" Dongmyeong stick his tounge out

Dongju just smiles from where they lay, she feels happy like this - surrounded by these idiots she loves

"I'm hungry, wanna order takeout?" Keonhee ask from beside Hwanwoong

"Sure, pizza?" Youngjo suggest

"Nah, too much dough" Yonghoon decline

"Noodles?" Youngjo tries again

"Too noodle-ly"

"What the-? Chicken!"

"Too Geonhak"

"HEY!" The said man exclaim

"Ugh Dumplings?"

"Too basic"

"WHAT DO YOU WANT TO EAT, HYUNG?!"

"Anything"

All of them were ready to choke the oldest right at that moment

"Hyung, can we order pizza?" Dongju ask

"Sure thing, I'm craving pizza" the older answered immediately, sending the others' jaws open

"That's my first suggestion!!" Youngjo whined

"Yeah but you're not Dongju"

Youngjo gasped but orders the pizza anyway

Home.
'This feels like home' Dongju thought

She broke into a laughing fit, the others just smiles before forming a cuddles pile with Dongju in the middle

___

"I'll take it!" Dongju announced before making a dash to the door

She were greeted by a taller delivery man, helmet still on

Dongju just give him a nod, taking the boxes of pizza to her arms
She were about to go back to the living room when the man grabbed their arm

Panic creeps it way to Dongju
Sure, they are not that popular but those obsessive 'fans' are no strangers to them

"Let go" She managed to spit out, trying to shake the hands off her arm
The man just shake his head

"I'll scream if you don't let go" they threaten

Slowly, the man let one of his hands off Dongju's arm, taking his helmet off

"Dongju, it's me" he says, with the same soft raspy voice from years ago

"Donghyun hyung?"
Donghyun nods

Dongju yelp before dragging the older inside, throwing the boxes of pizza to their confused and worried members and pulling Donghyun to her room

Once inside, she practically threw herself into Donghyun's arms - melting into a hug

"Where have you been?" Dongju sobs to the taller man who is also in tears

"That day, I was supposed to tell you that I'm moving away" Donghyun comb Dongju's hairs with his fingers, moving to the bed to sit with Dongju still in his arms

Settling into a more comfortable position, he continued
"But, things happened and my family thought I picked a fight so they just send me away to our new home faster than planned - I didn't get to give a proper farewell, I lost contact with everyone and I-" his voice cracked

"I'm so sorry for leaving you like that, I'm sorry, Dongju, I'm sorry"

"It's okay, hyung"

They tighten their hugs, trying so desperately to be closer than possible
___

A knock were heard from the door before the others burst into the room

"Um, are we interrupting something?"
Hwanwoong asked

Dongmyeong's gasp filled the room before the two managed to answer

"Donghyun?"

The others whip their heads to Dongmyeong

"Who?" Harin ask the shorter man

"I'm Donghyun, Dongju's friend from school"
Donghyun introduce himself

"He saved me before"

They all broke into confusion before some grasp the situation

Seeing that most of the Onewe's members were still confused, Dongju gesture all of them to sit down

"When I was in highschool, I..was raped. And he saved me"

Gasps filled the room
Dongju cling to Donghyun for support

"W- who did it?" Giwook's voice shakes

Dongju close her eyes
For a moment, she considers telling them
But she can't, because telling them make the monsters real and that's..
Horrible

So she let out a whimper and shake her head

"It's just.. someone close but I'm not ready to tell"

"Someone you trusted? Or..are they physically close??"

"Both, they works at the company"

Gasps filled the room once again

"What do you mean?" Dongmyeong half yelled

"Fuck, Dongju I will kill them"

If it were on any other occasions, Yonghoon would've tell Giwook to watch his language but this - he too, want to spit out all the curse words he knows

"Who, Dongju? This is dangerous, you shouldn't has to work with them. We need to know-"

"What the fuck do you mean they work at the company? Since when? They were so close and you didn't tell me? What the hell, Dongju?"

Dongmyeong cut off before Youngjo finished his words
Dongju tugs on Donghyun's uniform, asking for support once again to which Donghyun gave by tightening his arms around Dongju

"Please, please tell them. Or I can say the name, please I can't let you like this"

"Please, I can't tell them by myself" Dongju let out to Donghyun,gesturing him to tell the others instead

'coward, you can't even tell them yourself' Dongju whimper at their own thought

"It's.. Kang Taejoon and Lim Siwon"
Donghyun says

The others felt like their soul left their bodies at that

"The new producer and vocal trainer" Dongju finally have the courage to say

"Dongju! They've called you in alone so many time!" Geonhak yelled in horror to which Dongmyeong replied with

"What the fuck?!"

'You dissapoint them'
'It's your fault'
'its your fault'
'It's your fault'
'It's your fault'
'It's your fault'

'it's my-'

"It's NOT YOUR FAULT" all of them managed to yell at the same time, as Dongju unknowingly said it out loud

"Dongju, we need to stop this. Let's tell the company, please?" Hwanwoong plead

"Not now, please..just not now"

"Tomorrow? Please? We need to stop this as soon as possible - we're all going to be there, Donghyun can join" Seoho tries

"...Okay"

They breathe a sigh of reliefs

They just hope they have more strengths right now, because they all want to protect Dongju - at all cost

___

Walking up to the management's office were nerves wrecking
Every step feels like another weight chained to them

But it's okay, because Dongju have their brothers, they have Donghyun, everything will be okay now -

Right?

___

"We'll have to check the cctv, Dongju..we need physical proofs so we can press charges against them. We will make sure they're not around the company for now, we believe you but-"

Of course Dongju didn't hears the rest, only the ringing accompany her ears

'they thought you're lying'
'you're making a big deal over nothing'
'wait until manager- nim hear this, he'll think you're a freak too'
'stupid stupid stupid stupid STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID-'

- She flee from the small room

She ran through the hallway crying, into the toilet 3 floor below from the others

'STUPID STUPID STUPID'
'WEAK WEAK WEAK WEAK'
'LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR'
'GROW UP GROW UP GROW UP GROW UP GROW UP'
'FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK'

Dongju let out a sickening scream to the mirror, banging her palms to the cracking reflection

"Is our Dong-ie crying?"

Dongju freeze before making eye contact with Siwon, Taejoon locking the door

What a familiar scene

"Fuck you, bastards" Dongju said through gritted teeth

"Yah, do you have death wish?" Taejoon said before yanking Dongju's hair pulling her down to her knees

"We heard you tried to get rid of us, what happened to 'not a word', huh?"
Taejoon slap her again and again

Just like in the past

"Do we need to punish you? I bet you want that" Siwon said, trying to rip Dongju's clothes off

The past, the past, the past, the past

The door broke open, revealing a raging Donghyun with scared Keonhee and Giwook behind him

Siwon and Taejoon stop and curse at the sight at the door frame

Dongju stand up from her place and broke free from their hold - and run again

Past the assholes, past Donghyun, past Keonhee and Giwook

Run fast, through the hallway, through the entrance, through the streets

Faster, into the building, into the dorm, into the bathroom

Find the pills, find the razors, find an escape

Tired, tired, tired, tired, tired, tired

She decided,
Fuck the past, fuck the present, fuck the future, fuck Siwon, fuck Taejoon, fuck the management, fuck the members, fuck the others, fuck Dongmyeong, fuck Donghyun, fuck the fans, fuck everything

She is tired

-and she needs escape

Chapter Text

Escape, escape, escape, escape, escape

So Dongju swipe the blade across their thighs

Swipe
'numb'

Swipe
'why doesn't this hurt?'

Swipe
'I need to feel'

Swipe, swipe, swipe
'NUMB NUMB NUMB NUMB'

SWIPE, SWIPE, SWIPE,
'I WANT TO FEEL'

AGAIN, AGAIN, AGAIN, AGAIN,
'You can't escape'

Dongju stop her movement, looking at the scattered cuts across her thighs, bloods gushing out from it - too deep

It were all so deep, deeper than she ever did
Yet she's numb
She can't feel it, not the stinging pain, not the hot puddles of blood
Dongju can't escape

'You can't escape'
'You can't escape'
'You can't escape'
'You can't escape'
'I CAN'T FUCKING ESCAPE'

Eyeing the bottles of pills on the sink, Dongju stand up from the floor, body aching

They doesn't think, grabbing it and pouring the pills to her palm
Grab another, pour again
Again, again, again, again

The rainbow of colors on her palm should be terrifying, yet Dongju feels calm.. even when they shoved all of it down her throat because each one of these pills promised her one thing

- escape

So when the promised escape didn't come instantly, Dongju scream to the mirror

Right, the person in the mirror
It's his fault, his fault, his fault, his fault
ALL HIS FAULT

His fault for being so weak, his fault for not fighting, his fault for being raped, his fault for being a freak, his fault for having a pretty face, his fault for being born like this

ALL HIS FAULT
not..not her fault

Dongju choked on her own bitter salivas, mixed with the taste of different medicines

'This is not working' they thought, grabbing the abandoned blade from the floor
The promised escape were too far away, still minutes away
But Dongju need it - right now

So she stabs her arm with the blade, the pain shocking her back to reality

Dongju is shaking so hard, even holding the sharp blade became too hard
Her throat feels swelled up, cold sweats drenching her clothes
Her arm and thighs still bleeding from her own doings but her stomach-

Gosh it hurts more than any of that
It feels like someone has put hundreds of poisons into it
That's not so different from the reality though

Dongju curls up on herself, falling back to the cold tiles of floor
It hurts so bad, and she regrets everything instantly - cursing to herself

There were white noises outside of the bathroom, but she can't find herself responding to it

So when the unconscious darkness engulf her in a hug, Dongju just let herself melting into it

___

"Donghyun no!" Keonhee wanted to say but he can't, instead, he let Donghyun step forward and give Siwon the hardest punch he could - sending him to the floor

Donghyun turns to Taejoon and kick him straight on the crotch without skipping a beat

He only stop when Giwook pull him away with a concerned face - much like Dongju always did when he used to get into a fight

"We need to find Dongju" Giwook said, pulling Donghyun away before he beat the bastards again

"Call the others" the youngest said, suprisingly the calmest among the three

Keonhee pulls out his phone and call Youngjo, asking to gather right now
He was in the middle of talking when Taejoon shoved him hard to the floor trying to run away but stopped by Donghyun who caught him by the doorframe

Leaving Siwon a chance to grab Giwook and pin him to the floor, earning a suprised yelp

"Let us go, or I'll rape him" Siwon threaten, turning Giwook into a shaking whimpering mess and the older two gaping

"Fuck- Siwon let go of the kid" Donghyun gasped out

He can't let him hurt another person, not again
He tried to step closer but stop dead on his track when Siwon pull his face closer to Giwook's

Donghyun gestured Keonhee to hold Taejoon from escaping, before trying to step forward again

This time, the action send Siwon to put his hand inside the pant of the smaller boy under him

Giwook's breath hitched, he feels lightheaded like his lungs is closing up on him as cold sweats drench his clothes - panic attack
He sure it's a panic attack

Siwon stare straight at Donghyun as he proceed to lick Giwook's tears from his cheeks
He lean down to kiss the small boy's neck

Giwook trashes around, closing his eyes
But the weight on top of him were no more and the touch never reach him
He open his eyes to see Siwon on the floor instead, Donghyun on top of him - probably beating the shit out of him

His heart skipped a beat when Siwon somehow managed to get off Donghyun, running up to Taejoon who has scratches Keonhee's side so hard with his long nail, drawing bloods on it

The two run away just as the others reach the bathroom

"I'm sorry, I accidentally let go of him" Keonhee said, Seoho helping him to stand on his feet

"It's okay, not your fault" Donghyun state, turning to Giwook

Giwook flinch away when Donghyun touched his shoulder

"What's wrong? Giwook, baby, what happened?" Yonghoon ask when he noticed Giwook on the floor

"Can I tell him? We can tell him later but hyung should know" Donghyun ask for permission, not wanting to upset the younger

Giwook nod, pulling himself from the floor and melt himself in Yonghoon's arms
Kanghyun walk over and pull both of them to his hug
Other times, he would've joked about how the older two act like his parents, so protective but right now, he needs that protectiveness - badly

"We found those bastards trying to.. rape Dongju and- one of them tried to run away but I stopped him. One of them, Siwon he-" Donghyun take a breath

"He.. grabbed Giwook and threatened to- to rape him, pinned him to the floor and touch him- gosh"

"WHAT THE FUCK?" Giwook look up to Kanghyun, the usually quiet and calm man is clenching his teeth, hands in a fist

"I'm sorry, I said I'll help Dongju but I just make things worse, I'm sorry, please don't be mad at me, I promise I didn't want it, I'm sorry, Please, I'm sorry hyung" Giwook wailed to Yonghoon's chest

"Shush baby, it's okay.. we're not mad at you, it's not your fault"

Yonghoon bend down to make eye contact with the younger

"It's not your fault, okay? It's okay now, you're safe, we love you - always. Remember that, please?"

Giwook nod again as the older wipe his tears from his face

___

"What happened here?" A voice raised from outside - a male staff, probably sent to find them when they all ran after Dongju

"YOU tell us, what the fuck is the company doing? Recruiting fucking rapists as staff?" Harin snapped back

"We haven't got the cctv tapes so it's not confirmed yet, stop pointing fingers like we want this to happen"

"I DON'T NEED ANY CCTV TAPE WHEN I WAS FORCED TO SEE ONE OF MY BROTHERS AGAIN PINNED TO THE FLOOR WITH A MAN ON TOP OF HIM - ASSAULTING HIM! HE CAN'T FUCKING MOVE WHEN THAT FUCKASS FORCE HIMSELF TO HIM, AND ALL YOU BELIEVE IS THAT IT DIDN'T HAPPEN - I DON'T NEED A FUCKING VIDEO WHEN I GOT THAT ENGRAVED ON MY MEMORY! "

Keonhee's voice were louder than ever, making sure that the male Infront of him heard him clear

He knows he should calm down, he knows that the cctv tapes were necessary and that no one wanted this to happen but-

"Whatever, who told them to have those pretty faces - it makes sense when they're being that slutty.." the staff said as if Giwook isn't there

All of them - save Giwook, launches forward to shut the man up

Kanghyun got the shorter male by his collar,
"Apologize now, you dipshit"

"Fuck off"

He got Dongmyeong, Yonghoon and Harin beating his sides when he opened his mouth, Donghyun and the the remaining Oneus members trying so hard not to join in

"Okey, fine, sorry - now fuck off will ya? Geez I bet you all fuck eachothers, acting like this just because someone touches those sluts" He said when the Onewe members stopped

It took all the remaining sanity of them to not kill the asshole right there and then

"Now all of you to the office, we need a meeting - Dongju, one of your whore make a scene and land himself to the hospital, an expensive one at that"

"What- What do you mean a meeting when Dongju is literally at the hospital? What the fuck-" Dongmyeong trail off, fed up with the company's decisions

His fucking twin, his other half, his baby is at the hospital and they want a meeting? What in the actual fuck is wrong with this company?

"Shut up will ya? That bitch have your manager there and you- ALL OF YOU. The office, now - and who the fuck are you?"

He said, noticing the unfamiliar face of Donghyun

Donghyun ignore him, instead, he state that he'll go to see Dongju to the rest of them
The others thanks him for that, asking for him to take care of Dongju

"Can I join you?" Giwook said faintly
He wants to see Dongju too, and he doesn't want to be near anymore assholes

"Can he?" Donghyun ask for permission from the rest, eyeing the shorter who's tugging on his sleeves - reminding him of Dongju

"You saw all of that so you aren't going anywhere, and YOU, Cya or whatever - you're in trouble if you step outside of this building"

"Go with him, Giwook-ah .. we'll handle this, and I don't want you near this trash mouth" Yonghoon made the decision as the leader

Donghyun and Giwook ran outside after thanking the older, the staff yelling at them to stop

"Their manager texted me the hospital" Giwook said

So they ran side by side, grab a cab and rush to see Dongju

___

Dongju's eyes flutter open and all she sees is white

White ceiling, white walls, white bandages, white bed with white cover

"Did i die?" They ask groakly to theirselves

"Dongju?" Dongju tilt her head to see their manager on the side of his bed

"Thanks god you're awake, gosh you scared me back there - I call for you so many times but all you say is 'hurt' and 'help' .. Good gosh" the older confessed to her

Dongju eyed the man, another person that practically raised her for years - a brother, a father, a family to Dongju

She worried yet another person

"Hyung-nim, I'm sorry" she plead, feeling guilty

"No no no, it's okay, you're okay - it's going to be okay, Dongju.. you're strong, the strongest man-"

"No" Dongju stopped him before she realised it

"Why, why? Are you feeling pain? Should I call the doctor?" The older stressed out

Dongju took a deep breath
'She can do it, this is their Mun hyung, the warm man with fatherly gestures, he will understand, he will accept'

"If I tell you..that I don't feel like a m-man and that I feel more like a girl - would you still say that?" Dongju look up to read the older's reaction

Mun just stare back with a slightly open mouth
The expression sent Dongju to have a momentary panic before the older shake his head

"Of course I won't"

And Dongju feels like the world crumbled down again

"No! I mean- I won't say that you're a strong man then.. I'll say you're the strongest girl I've ever known" Mun pulls Dongju into a hug softly

Dongju let him, feeling stupid for selfish-ly trying to kill herself just moments ago

When Mun pulled out from the hug, he run his hand on Dongju's hair

"Hey Ju, I need to tell the doctor that you woke up, okay? I'll be back"

Dongju nods, tailing the man's move to the door
When the door opened though, her mind went blank and her ears started ringing

"Oh, Dongju..Siwon and Taejoon is here to visit you, you okay with that?" Mun asked a bit confused

The men Infront of him were a mere staff, not knowing Dongju longer than half a year, why are they here? Wjy do the look like a mess? Are they the one who hurt Dongju? Mun can only eyes them suspiciously

Mun's suspicion died down a bit when he sees Dongju nodding

"Oh okay then, I'll be back soon fast!" He said as he walk out the room

'No..no stop'
'I don't want them here'
'They're going to kill me'
'No, don't walk out'
'Hyung, please..no'

Maybe if Mun payed attention to the exchange between Taejoon and Dongju, he will stay

Because Taejoon had mouthed to Dongju secretly with a small smirk

"I'll kill you if you says anything"

Dongju remembers then the blood trailing down her thighs everytime she stays back at the company, the blood on her hands when she slams the mirror, the blood on her arm, her thighs from when she cuts them

She imagined those blood on her again when Taejoon mouthed it
She hates it

So she nods
But when Mun left - she feels like a fish who've bite onto a bait, willingly throwing herself onto a sea of her own blood

- swimming in red

Chapter Text

"Aren't you ashamed, dollface?" Siwon started, his smug smile failed him when he winced, clearly in pain

- did he got beaten up? Dongju can only think about it briefly when she see Siwon stepping closer to her

Taejoon checks outside the room before joining his asshole of a friend, eyes trailing around the room as if to check for any camera and smiles when he realised there aren't any -

of course there aren't, the company especially requested for an extra private room, too ashamed to admit that one of their artist is too weak to defend theirself

Dongju usually loves the privacy, when she got to do something without having it recorded on the camera for the whole world to see

Bur right now, they really really really want that camera , to record what these assholes are doing to her, for a proof, for a justice - just something

Something to save her, just this time

"Answer me, Dongie-ah" Siwon continued when he reached the bed where Dongju lays, machine connected to her hand

Dongju can only whisper a quiet; "what?"
When Siwon trails his fingers around Dongju's bandaged arms

"Putting a show, acting out like this - aren't you ashamed? You're making us look like the bad guys here, Dongie-ah"

"You raped me, bastards" Dongju half-yelled, followed by a little yelp when a dulling pain shoot up from her stomach - sore from being pumped out

"Did we though?" Taejoon and Siwon exchanged a look

"You wanted it, honey" Taejoon trails off with a shit eating smile

"I said no, every single time, and you ignored me-"

"But you enjoyed it" Siwon cut her off

Dongju has their mouth gaping at that
Just how more messed up can these people be?

"I NEVER DID-"

"But you moaned, didn't you?"

"I WAS SCREAMING AND CRYING-"

"You asked for it" Taejoon accused

"I never did" Dongju let her tears fall down, feeling wronged

Siwon yanked their hair up, forcing Dongju to sit up and look him straight in the eyes
It's funny, really
A few hours ago, Dongju was trying to kill herself and just a few minutes ago, she was regretting the stupid act
But now, she really wish she had just succeed on doing so

"Look at those tears, you even look pretty with your face ruined in tears like this - and you said you didn't ask for it?"

Dongju can only shakes her head, more tears slip down her face - they feel weak

And dirty, really really dirty

Even more when Taejoon shoved his fingers inside inside her mouth

And more when Siwon pull out his phone to record

Dongju feels dirty - dirtydirtydirty...

DIRTYDIRTYDIRTYDIRTYDIRTYDIRTYDIRTYDIRTYDIRTYDIRTYDIRTYDIRTYDIRTYDIRTYDIRTYDIRTYDIRTYDIRTYDIRTYDIRTYDIRTYDIRTYDIRTYDIRTYDIRTYDIRTYDIRTY

______

Mun was getting a cup of water for Dongju when he heard a voice calling him from afar

"Hyung-nim!" He quickly recognized the shorter male who he partially raised, although he's not their manager

"Oh Giwook-ah, where is the other?" The older ask when he realized that it's just Giwook and another man he didn't quite recognise

"The company called all of us for a meeting, I escaped to see Dongju"

"A meeting?! Right now?? What is the company doing- I just- Really? Dongju attempted suicide and they want a meeting instead of letting you here?"

"Suicide attempt?!" The other taller man questioned out loud

"She- he's fine now, I made him throw up the pills and stopped the bleeding in time" The manager informed, stopping himself from outing the said person without permission

"And may I know who you are?" He questioned the unknown man Giwook came with

"I'm Dongju's friend, Donghyun from highschool.. it's a long story"

Mun look at Giwook to confirm the story and smile when he nodded in confirmation

"Let's go meet Dongju then" Mun lead the way as Donghyun and Giwook tails behind him fastly

"Do you have any idea why..Dongju would do this? Has he always been suffering Infront of me and I'm just- too stupid to notice? To help?"

Giwook and Donghyun exchanged a burdened glances as the Oneus' manager spill his heart

"There's actually something going on but I don't know if we can tell you the details, but I promise it's not your fault..we haven't notice until recently too" Giwook tries to hold back his tears as he put his hands on the older man's shoulder

"I'm just glad that he's still breathing when I found him - I don't think I could ever forgive myself if he were just..laying cold"

The three stop their walks when Giwook couldn't hold back his tears - The two older pulled him into a hug for comforts

"Geonhak hyung said that they had called Dongju in alone to the company for so many time but- but none of us noticed..they believed it everytime when they said it's for extra training and I- I didn't even bait an eye when he stopped answering my texts and when Myeong started sleeping over at their dorm.. I was so ignorant and uncaring that I didn't even know that he were raped-"

Giwook clasped his hand to his mouth when he realized what he just said

"W-what?" Mun couldn't believe what he just heard from the shorter male

"Raped.."

Giwook know there were no turning back at this point so he just nodded
Donghyun link his fingers with him to give him some support - the older man is oddly comforting and warm for someone he just knew yesterday, Giwook thought

Mun still has his mouth gaping, still couldn't accept the fact that the person he'd taken care of like his own family has suffered so much

"Wait..did you mentioned training? Is the person from the company?" Mun finally able to ask when he processed what he just heard

"They got into the company recently, Dongju told me - as a vocal trainer and producer, if I remember correctly" Donghyun explained

Mun dropped the cup of water he'd been holding and run through the hallway to get to Dongju's private room

Donghyun and Giwook run after him quickly after, noticing the distress from the manager
People threw them some disapproval and worried looks as they run pass them

When they opened the door to Dongju's room, the sight that greeted them made them all see red

____

Taejoon got three of his fingers inside Dongju's mouth, laughing as Dongju let out a gag and more tears when he force it deeper - hitting the back of Dongju throat

His laughing stopped when the door opened forcefully
Siwon and Taejoon froze on their spot, not expecting the sudden barge

Dongju can only let out a relieved sigh as the three man basically ripped Taejoon's fingers off her mouth

"I'm calling the police" Giwook announced as Donghyun and Mun slammed the two to the floor, trying really hard not to kill them on the spot

Siwon let out a bitter chuckle after Giwook's phone call with the emergency service

"What happened to the scared little slut on the bathroom's floor, huh?"

Giwook accidentally locked his eyes with Dongju's widened one, clearly trying to processed what it means

"Giwook? Did he.." Dongju asked, confused
Her voice hoarse from the damaged throat

She's all but calm when Giwook didn't answer - ripping the needle attached to her hand, she ignored the pain through their whole body and the blood that started dripping from where the needle once was

Dongju runs to Giwook side, examining the younger for any bruises, any damage

"It's okay, he didn't got to" Giwook admitted

"He tried?" Dongju ask with a small, unsure voice - scared to know the answer

Giwook nodded

He was taken aback when Dongju sink to their knees - head bowed down

"I'm sorry, Giwook I'm sorry - it's my fault- I'm really sorry, this is all my fault" Dongju's voice trembled the same as her body

Giwook shakes his head and adjust himself to be on the same level as the older - he let his own tears wet his face

"It's not your fault, it never were"

Dongju just bury herself into Giwook's shoulder as she wails loudly

Donghyun and Mun can only watch with a pained looks until the polices finally arrived, cuffing the assholes' hands

____

"We need the statement before putting them behind the bars" one of the officers explained to Mun

The manager glances to Dongju who's still crying to Giwook's shoulder

He explained it briefly to what he knew, hoping the officer would believe him and put the two bastards away from everyone

The officer just nods as he writes on his notes, occasionally throwing a glance to Dongju and Giwook to see if they've stopped crying

"Poor kids, they shouldn't has to go through this" the officer sighed

Mun just nodded along

"We still need to check the cctv on the company, if we can? So these.."

The officer made a gesture to Taejoon and Siwon who were cuffed to the waiting chairs outside the room - guarded by another officers

"..rapists can't escape the hell they've created"

Mun was distracted at that point, focused on the bastards who ruined the life of those people he calls his family - they were grinning

Not an ounce of guilt or fear on their face, they're fucking grinning

"What the fuck.." Mun wondered outloud
"What the hell" another voice chimed at the same time

Mun locked eyes with Donghyun, both in disbelief of what they've just saw. Those bastards are happy, way too happy for someone who's about to rot in jail. Something doesn't sit right with that

They were snapped out of it when voices started filling the space outside the private room

"..dare you-"
"-na get in trouble.."
"..down, Myeong, Calm down"
"-on't care, to hell with that-"
"-yeong, no!"
"I'LL KILL YOU BASTARDS"

Then it was chaos

Dongmyeong has to be held by three officers to stop him from throwing another punch, and kicks, and curses

But Siwon and Taejoon, oddly, still has a small smirks behind their pained expression

____

"All of you are getting in trouble, you can't just beat up someone like that, lwt alone your staffs-" one of the head management's staff stated

"We're not letting them hurt anyone as they please, they're rapist"

"They're fucking rapist, what do you want us to do? Applause them?"

"I'll kill them if I need to"

Youngjo, Yonghoon and Dongmyeong snapped back

"No violence and unprofessional acts, it's in the contract. You broke both of them, and those cursings earlier are getting you in more trouble" the one in charge said with a widening eyes, trying to threaten them all - as if they're scared

"Oh fuck off"

All eyes turned to Seoho - their sweet, sweet Seoho who won't even budge if you spat on his face

"What?" The rude staff from earlier asked

"Fuck off, I said. The company broke the contract too - you!" He pointed at that one rude dipshit he wanted to punch from the toilet

"You acted unprofessionally, you cursed at us, used inappropriate languages, made sexual remarks about your artists - don't even deny it, I've got it on tape" Seoho stated, pulling out his phone from his pocket

"And what happened to 'keep our artists safe from threats and dangers' ? You failed to provide us safety - one of the first thing you promised in the contract. Don't bullshit us now"

The staffs had their mouth opened slightly, as if wanting to fight back - no use, they know they're at fault

"We're going then, there's no use fighting with an empty can" Seoho simply said before leading them all outside, the staffs just watch in defeat

Once outside, Geonhak and Harin patted Seoho's head, whom had broke out of his character from before - letting out a nervous chuckle

"I can't believe I signed with this useless company, they can't even provide us safety" Hwanwoong started, he looked like a furious fluff ball walking in-between Keonhee and Yonghoon like that

If Dongmyeong wasn't so furious and antsy, he would've laughed at both Seoho and Hwanwoong

"I've called a cab" Youngjo said from behind Dongmyeong, accompanying Kanghyun who had been really quiet since the stupid staff opened his mouth

When the cab arrived, they all cramped inside
The driver sent them a questioning look but drove to the hospital nevertheless

Harin were the first to get off when they reached the white building, followed by Kanghyun who sat beside him

Soon, all of them get off and walked inside after Yonghoon insisted to pay the driver for all of them

"Is that polices?" Geonhak asked confused, he checked the room number that their manager sent them

It's infact Dongju's room, so why were there polices?

"Bastards.." Yonghoon breathe out from behind him

They all stopped at their tracks to take in the situation, visions turning red when they realized it's Taejoon and Siwon who's the reason there are polices in the hallway, and a faint crying from Dongju's room

They came back to their senses a moment later
Dongmyeong march forward - ready to beat the shit out of the two assholes

"How dare you show up here!" Siwon and Taejoon snapped their head to the fuming Dongmyeong

Yonghoon grabbed the back of the younger's shirt to stop him from doing something that could hurt himself in the process

"Myeong, you're gonna get in trouble.." to no avail, Dongmyeong continue to wiggle himself from Yonghoon's grasp

"Hey, calm down Myeong, Calm down- there are people here" Youngjo tries to reason

"I don't care, to hell with that- they hurt Dongju"

"Dongmyeong, no!"

Yonghoon's hand slipped and Dongmyeong ran forward right away

"I'LL KILL YOU BASTARDS" He announced before knocking Taejoon's nose with his fist

He was sure he heard it break when the contact happened - but he didn't stop

He slammed his fist again and again, switch to Siwon and then repeat - the polices were caught off guard, watching uselessly
And if they actually think that both men deserves it, nobody has to know

They stopped him when he started choking both of the fuckass though, deemed that it was enough to teach them a lesson

Siwon and Taejoon were a canvas of blues and purples by then, yet they were still grinning

Dongmyeong doesn't care, he'll deal with that later - he practically ran inside the room to find Dongju in Giwook's embrace

The others joined him just a seconds later, forming a protective circle around Dongju that turned into a warm hugs - a promise that it'll get better, that this is the last time

That Dongju can take a rest and bury Siwon and Taejoon away - that this is the funeral for them

____

It was broken just a few weeks after

Dongju had been released from the hospital, with a warning and promise to everyone that she'll be okay, the evidence were collected from the cctvs around the company, Siwon and Taejoon were left to rot in jail

And Oneus had just finished their performance in a music show

It was going well - really well

And then the people backstage threw Dongju some curious glances

She ignored it, walking side by side with Geonhak and Keonhee through the hallway to their changing room

Dongju felt the familiar fear rose up to their throat as even more people glances at her oh so subtly - the staffs, the seniors, the juniors

'they think you're a freak'
'they noticed how stupid you look'
'they probably are disgusted of you'

But there's more to their stare than a simple disgust

'what?'
'why?'
'just tell me'
'...someone told them..?'
'they knew.'
'THEY KNEW THEY KNEW THEY KNEW THEY KNEW THEY KNEW THEY KNEW THEY KNEW THEY-'

Dongju walked pass one of the staff when she saw it - the video

No Siwon, no Taejoon - just Dongju

Dongju with a fingers inside their mouth, crying and gagging like a pathetic dumbass

Suddenly, nothing were okay
Suddenly, the walls are too tight and the members are too far away
Suddenly, everyone are looking at her
Suddenly, it doesn't matter that they're in jail
And suddenly, Dongju wasn't safe yet again

She seriously thought that Siwon and Taejoon wouldn't be able to hurt her again, like everyone promised

She thought that they're buried faraway, six feet under, because that day was supposed to be their funeral

Stupidly enough, no one remembered that Siwon and Taejoon brought their own shovels too

Because if it were their funeral, then it's Dongju's too

Chapter Text

Hey, if you still remember me. So, i know that i promised an happy ending for this fic, i know, and I'm sorry for breaking the promise by basically abandoning it.

Here's what happened;

A few months before I started this fic, my assaulters moved back to our town. I needed to do something before I had a nervous breakdown over it so I wrote this.

Fast forward, I know I've mentioned that I stumbled upon them in one of the chapters, that's where it started going down.

While I continued writing other chapters, I actually stumbled upon them a few more times before finally, around the time of the last chapter, they approached me. Then it happened again, and again.

One day, I brought it up to my family (who prior to this, don't know anything about the assaults) and they suggested a restraining order. However, it requires me to give reasons and evidences of it as it will affect their work and place in society.

So at that point, I guess why don't I just bring them to court for the assaults? So that's what i did. I did it all with the supports from my friend (who inspires one of the oc character here).

However, due to lack of evidence and only my friend as a witness, i obviously failed to get them punished so out of spite, I abandoned this fic as it feels unfair and pathetic to me, to only be able to write fictional justice.

After the trial, i moved out of town with my friend and I'm currently receiving therapy. If you've visited my account, you can see that I'm still active and I've read quite a lot of fics surrounding the topic of rape even at the time the trial was going on. It's quite hypocrite but reading things like that help me see that what happened to me was awful, but reading what I wrote only make me blame myself more. So if you're curious, i won't continue this fic, but i might write other fics surrounding this topic with a different approach when I'm better. I hope you guys understand.