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Chapter Text

The front door slamming shut followed by the harsh sound of high stilettoes broke the mounting tension that had filled the room after Ainsley’s declaration.  

It also startled Malcolm out of his shocked trance, a breath rushing in his lungs painfully. His hand started shaking, his heartrate picking up as anxiety and fear tightened around his chest.  

“Malcolm! I didn’t know you’d be there!” His mother’s surprised and slightly suspicious tone engulfed him, not helping with the suffocating feeling in his chest.  

He opened his mouth to make his excuses but no sound came out and he just turned on his heels and left as quickly as he could without outwardly running.  

“Malcolm!”  

His mother’s voice followed him but he didn’t slow down. All he wanted, needed, was go away. He didn’t want to be in his childhood’s house anymore. He didn’t want to be in his sister’s presence anymore. It was too painful. Too frightening.  

Because suddenly, all he could see in her was their father’s duplicity and talent for manipulation.   

Ainsley accusations rang back in his ears as he walked aimlessly.  

“You do know she’s  kinda  right, right?”  

Malcolm stopped dead and stared at his father, sitting on a sidewalk bench, hospital clothes and cardigan in perfect place, looking relaxed.  

The profiler closed his eyes, counted to ten, willing his heart to calm down, hands clenched at his sides.  

“You’re not here, you’re a stress-induced hallucination.” He repeated like a mantra.  

“Well, of course I'm  a  hallucination. Doesn’t make it untrue. I keep telling you, son,  we are the same .”  

“Shut up!” Malcolm shouted, making a mother and his littlegirl that had been walking towards him stop and stare before hastily crossing the street. “Damn it!”   

“Now you look like a lunatic. You really should be more careful son. You wouldn’t want to get arrested.”  

Malcolm wished he could become suddenly deaf, or best, slam his head against a wall hard enough to make the hallucination go away.  He settled to carry on walking as fast as he could, keeping his head down and ignoring his surroundings as much as possible, letting his mind slip in a haze.  

He didn’t want to think anymore. He didn’t want to feel anymore.  

He came back to his senses only when night had fallen. He looked confusedly around himself and suddenly realized he knew his surroundings.   

Had spent countless of days wandering there when he was a teenager with a life too complicated to cope with.  

His feet guided him towards the well-known door. He raised his arm to knock. And deflated before his knuckles could make contact. Instead, he let himself slide down until he sat curled under the small porch, back against the wall next to the door where there used to be potted plants flourishing.  

He shivered in the coldness of the evening, almost expecting Jackie to come and scold him for waiting outside when he could have just entered with the hidden spare key.  

He never thought he would be nostalgic of his teenage years. And yet, as  awful  as those where, the pain of the bullying and guilt was nothing compared to what he was feeling now.  

He had lost everything. Sacrificed everything and all he could do was stare at the devastation around him, not even able to talk to anyone about it because the minute he did he would ruin everything for his mother too.  

There was nothing he could do. He was stuck in lies and deceit of his own making.   

“Bright?”  

Malcolm’s head rose slowly, mind and body  weak  with exhaustion. His eyes settled somewhere around Gil’s shoulder, unable to face his mentor’s eyes.  

“What are you doing here?”  

The profiler shrugged. He didn’t know what to say. How to explain. Without explaining.  

“Do you want to get in? Have a drink? You look like you could use a tea.”  

“I’m fine.” His voice was  cracked , barely a whisper.  

Gil hummed, carrying on his way to the door.  

“You’ve been there long?”  

Malcolm shrugged again. Gil’s phone biped twice in quick succession just as he slid his key in the door. He checked it.  

“That’s your mother. Demanding if I’d seen you.” He let the sentence hang for a minute, quietly observing Malcolm. He sighed. Before coming to settle down next to Malcolm with only a small grunt.  

Another one of Malcolm’s mistakes to add on the growing pile suffocating him.  

“Should I be worried kid?” Gil finally asked after a long time, just as he would all those times, a long time ago, when Malcolm would come hide his sorrows here.  

Malcolm snorted quietly. The irony of Gil worried for him hitting hard. Would he still worry if he knew the true extent of the darkness lurking in Malcolm’s psyche? Would he still even sit next to him like that?  

“I’m...”  

“You haven’t been fine in a very  long time  kid.” Gil cut though his sentence. Not harshly, not cruelly, just stating an obvious fact.  

Malcolm let the words float around him.   

Maybe he had never been fine and probably never would be. Not anymore.  

Gil’s warm hand settled on the back of his neck and rubbed the tense muscles there. Malcolm wanted to shake him off, feeling undeserving of comfort when all he did the last months was lie. But he found himself unable to and, without meaning to, he felt himself start to cry, silent tears soon turning in harsh sobs that felt like thew had been suppressed for months, if not years.  

Watching Malcolm break down in front of him sitting on the cold floor was not how Gil had expected his evening to go. He pulled the younger man towards him, hugging him and rubbing his back, trying to get him to calm down. He had no idea what brought this on but he had been expected it.  

He hadn’t needed Dani’s observations to see that Malcolm had been struggling. He had seen the increased franticness to solve cases, the ever-growing dark circles beneath always worried-looking blue eyes. But he also had known that it wouldn’t have achieved anything to push for answers. Malcolm never had answered direct questions on his mental health and he had learned to be patient about it.  

He hadn’t thought things would turn out just like that. The number of times he had seen Malcolm cry could be counted on one hand, mostly when his father has been condemned and Jackie had died. It was deeply worrying and Gil struggled to figure out how to react to it.  

“Please Malcolm, tell me what’s wrong. Tell me how I can help.” He asked after a time when the man in his arm had slightly calmed down, sobs replaced by quiet shaking.  

“You can’t.” It was barely a whisper but Gil could hear the profiler was sure about this.  

“Try me.”  

Malcolm pushed himself away but didn’t look at Gil, tired gaze lost somewhere far away. The  lieutenant  wished he could read minds.  

“Do you think I’m like my father?” The profiler finally asked after so long Gil had thought he wouldn’t speak again.  

“Of course not!” He readily answered. “From where does that come from?”  

“I manipulate people. Make them do what I want. How is that different from him?”  

Gil frowned. Questions about Malcolm and Martin resemblances had been a long-held concern during his teenage years but not for a long time. Everyone would tell you Malcolm could be manipulative and intense but it was always for the right reasons.  

“You do it to save people. To talk suspects down, not to hurt them.”  

“Yet it does.”  

Gil didn’t know what to say. He could see Malcolm wouldn’t hear reason.   

“How about we go inside and you tell me what truly bothers you?” He suggested instead, pushing himself up with a grunt as his still not quite perfect muscles shifted in his abdomen.  

He opened his door and waited for Malcolm to move, watching as the young man unsteadily got up, before entering his home and taking his coat and shoes off.  

He turned and saw Malcolm frozen, hand shaking at his side.  

“Malcolm?”  

“Sorry. Sorry. I can’t. I’ll go.”  

And with that he was gone, stumbling down the three wooden steps and walking away before Gil had even time to blink.  

“Damn it!” Gil huffed as he struggled to put on his shoes again. “Malcolm! Come back!” He jogged to the main street in time to see the man sit in a passing cab.   

His gut twisted in anxiety. He hadn’t seen his almost-son like that in more than twenty years and it wasn’t good memories.  

He quickly ran back to his house and found his phone in his jacket’s pocket, not losing a second to dial Malcolm. Without much surprise, the man doesn’t pick up.  

“Malcolm. Call me. You don’t have to talk about what’s bothering you. Just... Let me know you’re  okay ...” He searched for something more to say but knew he couldn’t sound too pushy.  

His phone buzzed in his hand and for a second his heart soared as he thought it would be Malcolm. He looked down to see his mother’s name. He hesitated but picked up.  

“Gil. Thank God! Have you seen Malcolm? I’ve been to his flat and he wasn’t there and he isn’t picking up his phone. Or answering his texts.”  

And if Malcolm’s attitude wasn’t worrying, the desperate tone in Jessica’s voice was.  

“He was there. But he left. What happened Jess?”  

There was a long  silence at  the other end of the line.  

“I... I don’t know Gil.” The lieutenant would bet his badge that was a lie.  

“You’re sure?”  

“Of course, I am!” She sounded a bit too offended. Gil sighed.  

“Look. Maybe we should leave him for a bit. I’m sure he’ll contact us when he’s ready.” He proposed even if he knew he wouldn’t stop trying to reach Malcolm and would probably find himself at his door the next morning.  

“Yes... Yes... Maybe you’re right...Thank you Gil.”  

She hung up leaving Gil even more confused. Jess had been lying and Malcolm was obviously troubled by something. He just wondered when it would all implode and just how bad things would go.  

His phone kept ringing and buzzing until it stopped from lack of battery.  

Malcom didn’t care anyway. He had taken twice his usual meds, had shackled himself to his bed and curled under his covers, letting the haze of benzos blur the world around him. He was neither conscious nor unconscious, drifting in artificial nothingness.  

After a time, the buzzer from his door pierced the silence, startling him. The sun coming through the windows cued him that it was late morning. Slowly, he opened his restraints and stumbled up.  

“You might want to get that. You know how your mother gets when you ignore her.”  His father commented from where he was sitting at his kitchen counter.  

Malcolm ignored him in favor of replenishing Sunshine’s food and water. The small bird eyed him reproachfully when he didn’t let her out.   

“Really son this is ridiculous you can’t ignore the world forever.”  

Instead of answering, Malcolm took out another handful of pills, more than he should be taking he knew, and swallowed them with a couple mouthfuls of water.  

Thankfully the pills acted fast and by the time he was back on his bed, his father had finally disappeared and grogginess was settling in. And when his mother finally decided she had enough waiting for him to open the door and simply barged in, it was easy to feign sleep.  

She didn’t seem to catch it and left him. He let out a deep breath as he heard her leave, willing himself to drift off again.  

He didn’t know for how long he stayed like that, getting up only when the accusing voices in his head or his hallucinations became too bad. He made them disappear with more pills. Too many, he knew. He didn’t care. He just wanted to forget. He wanted for everything to stop.   

Hours or days later, his door’s buzzer woke him up. He opened one bleary high to the night sky but quickly closed it when he felt the room spin around him. He groaned softly, wondering when was the last time he had eaten anything. He couldn’t remember. He didn’t particularly care either.  

The loud buzzing didn’t stop and was mildly annoying but Malcolm couldn’t find the will to get up. It finally stopped and then a faint scrapping sound filled the room. Malcolm wondered what Sunshine was playing at. It was a fleeting thought.   

“Bright?” He frowned. He had never hallucinated Dani before. Well except in that strange  alternate  reality where he had everything.  

He forced his mind away from it. He couldn’t bear to think of that when he had lost everything. He wished he had stayed there.  

“Hey Bright? You with me?” He groaned as he was shaken softly. Uncoordinatedly, he tried to push the hands away, forgetting he had his restraints on and being stopped by them.  

“Stop being childish now.” The scolding tone made him open his eyes, frowning at the curled hair spinning above him.  

“Dani?” He asked, his voice croaked and he winced. “How did you get here?”  

He thought he saw her blush.  

“You keep forgetting I grew up in the Bronx, don’t you?” Her teasing sounded forced. “How are you feeling?”  

Malcolm frowned again, his thoughts were muddled, slow and incomplete and he felt exhausted even if he hadn’t moved in God knew how long.  

“Malcolm?”  

The use of his first name startled him. He realized he must have been drifting again.  

“I’m fine.” He mumbled, eyes falling close despite himself. He felt her cold fingers on his wrist. It was oddly comforting.  

“Hey, hey, no falling asleep on me yet.”  

Part of him wanted to obey her. The other just didn’t care. The later won and he let himself drift again.  

Dani watched Malcolm’s eyes close, shaking him again. It was clear he wasn’t okay, and not just mentally. His pulse was thready beneath her fingers and it was obvious he had lost weight in the days she hadn’t seen him.  

She cursed herself for not checking on him earlier. True, she had called and texted but she hadn’t come. She had thought that maybe he needed time to sort himself out.   

She had talked to Gil about it and he had seemed just as worried as her. And yet they had done nothing either.  

They were responsible for this.   

She was at a loss of what to do.  

She did the only thing she could think of and called her boss.  

“Powell? Aren’t you supposed to be home?” He asked as he answered.  

“I’m at Bright’s. I think you should come. I.... I don’t know what to do...” She was only half surprised to hear how  shaky  her voice was.  

“I’m on my way.”  

She stayed on her knees next to Malcolm, fingers on his pulse as she waited. She looked around herself, trying to find clues on what was wrong with her friend. She could see his bird sleeping in her cage, food and water at an acceptable level, the rest of his flat was in its usual pristine condition. Except for the  pill's  bottles on his counter.  

She had been there enough times to know he usually kept them in a neat row, a weird habit of bringing calm in chaos that always amused her. But now they looked spread haphazardly. She hesitated but it was clear Malcolm wouldn’t notice her leaving his side.   

She hated snooping in his private life but knew it was a necessity. It was clear the bottles were all more than half empty and yet the delivery date was only a week  prior.  She wasn’t a specialist but it seemed a lot.  

The buzzer shook her from her investigation. She glanced at Malcolm’s form but he hadn’t moved so she went to open the door. She had barely the time to pull it open before the man barged in, eyes frantic as they quickly swept the room before falling on Malcolm.  

He didn’t seem to see her as he hurried towards the bed.  

“Kid? Malcolm?” He shook the young profiler who barely reacted. Dani’s gut twisted painfully. “What’s going on with him?”  

“I’m... I’m not sure. He was briefly awake when I arrived but he didn’t seem completely coherent... Gil... I... I checked his meds and I think he took too much...”   

Even saying the words out loud made her feel sick. Seeing Gil’s face crumble didn’t help. He looked like he had aged ten years in ten seconds.  

“Call 911.” He finally said, voice chocked as his hand reached to Malcolm’s hair. Suddenly she could see how much like a father he felt towards their profiler.  

She turned her back to the scene to make the call because she wasn’t sure she would be able to stop crying. She needed to be strong.  

EMS came quickly and she was grateful for Gil’s hand around hers as they auscultated the man, swapping medical terms that didn’t sound good.  

“We have to take him in. It looks like benzo overdose but he’s also severely dehydrated.”   

Both cops nodded, feeling numb with fear and guilt.  

“How did that happen?” Dani whispered as they watched Malcolm get loaded on a stretcher, not even reacting anymore.  

“I don’t know. But I intend to find out.”   

Dani nodded. She would be right with him on that. She had known something was wrong with Malcolm for a long time. She should have done more to know what. She should have done more to let him know he was not alone.  But that was before.   

She was not about to let her friend down. Not again.  

Chapter Text

“I have to say. It is good to see the Whitly name used in a good way.”  

Ainsley couldn’t hide her grin. She shared the feeling. She was proud that her latest interview had made enough noise to reach national. It felt good to be recognized. And if she had to walk on a few people feet and bend a couple rules to reach that goal. Well, so be it.  

“I’m proud of you my girl.”  

Despite herself, the words warmed her. Logically, she knew she shouldn’t give that much attention to the Surgeon’s praise. But he was her father. And the first family member that had actually supported her, even if she hadn’t known it at the time.   

Another family deception under the guise of “protecting” her. She didn’t need protection. She never had.  

She was just glad that, at least, she could count on her father to tell her the truth.   

She had come to him when she had started getting flashes of the  night  she killed Endicott and doubted Malcolm’s explanations. Of course, he had tried to lie to her, probably encouraged by her brother, but she could read right through him.  

She was as good a profiler as Malcolm, if not better.   

“Thank  you, dad .”  

“So, does that mean you’ll get your own show now? Oh, wouldn’t that be a sight!”  

She wasn’t sure how much of his enthusiasm was a show but she couldn’t deny she had herself thought about it, imagining herself leading interviews live on TV. She was about to mention it when her phone rang.  

“A new burning case for our number one reporter, I’m sure!” Martin grinned, settling back on his chair as she picked up.   

She had to bite back a groan as she heard the kind voice talking with that soothing tone only nurses could go away with.  

“Yeah. Okay. I’ll come as soon as I can.”   

“So, what was that about? I am hanging there!”  

She rolled her eyes.   

“Malcolm got himself admitted in hospital. Again.” Her annoyed tone couldn’t be stopped. She hadn’t forgiven him for lying to her for months. And she wasn’t sure she ever would.  

“What? Why? Is he okay? Which hospital? I could probably call...”  

Her father obvious worry and complete switch of attention angered her. She came here because she knew that when she was with her  father  she had his undivided attention. And yet, one mention of Malcolm and it was like she didn’t exist  anymore .  

It has always been like that.  

It was unfair.  

She had been the one to save their family from Endicott.   

She was the one assuming her name and not hiding from it.   

She shook her head, not even answering.  

“I’ll see you later, doctor Whitly.” She answered curtly.  

“Wait, Ainsley! You didn’t even...”  

She was out of the door before he could finish his sentence. She had no wish to feel second best again.  

It was enough she’ll have to play the concerned sister.  

Waiting in hospitals was quickly becoming Dani’s worst nightmare.   

Not that anyone was a fan.   

She just hadn’t had that much experience before the last year.   

She used to be the one to be hospitalized. When she was a teenager, afraid of nothing, climbing things she shouldn’t be, riding her bike down hills that ended with walls. Or after her overdose.   

She had a newfound respect for her family and friends that had been the ones waiting for her.   

Gil’s warm hand on hers shook her from her memories and she noticed she must have been rubbing her fingers because her skin felt raw. She sighed.  

“How did we miss this?” She asked.  

It was the question that kept repeating in her mind again and again since she found Malcolm half conscious.   

Gil looked physically pained, shaking his head.  

“I knew something was wrong.” Dani carried on when he didn’t say anything. “I knew it. And I wasn’t there.” She bit her lip when it trembled too much.  

Part of her was angry. At herself for being so emotional, for caring too much, for letting someone get close to her. And at Malcolm for not reaching out to her.  

“This isn’t your fault, Dani.” Gil squeezed her hand almost painfully. “Malcolm... He... He has never known how to ask for help. If anything, I should have checked on him earlier. He came to me. He was distraught. And I let him go. I thought he needed time to get himself sorted. I should have known not to let him alone.”  

They fell silent again, watching anxiously as medical  personal  walked past them without a second look.  

“What I don’t get is... Why now? What happened?”   

Dani could help rewinding the last weeks. Malcolm had seemed more distracted than usual and infinitely more anxious but she had put that on the stress from work and life and maybe lingering trauma of falling down an elevator shaft.   

Was there something else? Something they didn’t know about?  

Gil struggled to stay calm. He itched to do something. Anything.  

But he knew he had to stay put. If not for him then for Dani.   

But he shared her worry and interrogations.  

His mind kept going back to the night he found Malcolm on his doorstep. How scared he had looked.   

He had cried and Gil had just let him go.  

He should have followed him. Demanded answers. Offered more comfort.  

He failed Malcolm. He failed the person he had promised to always protect. Again.  

He wouldn’t again. He’d find out what happened. He would help his almost son in any way he could. He just wished the young man will let him.  

His musing was interrupted by the sound of high heels and he watched as Ainsley made her way towards them. He knew she was Malcolm’s emergency contact so he assumed the hospital had called her and he suddenly realized he should have done so himself. And called Jessica too. He winced internally.  

He got up quickly.  

“Ainsley!” He started. “I’m so sorry I haven’t called...”  

“It’s okay Gil. What happened?”  

The lieutenant shook his head.  

“We’re not sure... We found Malcolm almost unconscious. EMT said it was a benzo overdose...”  

The announcement didn’t produce the reaction he expected. If anything, Ainsley looked annoyed instead of worried. He frowned.  

“I’m sure it’s just a mistake. You know how distracted Malcolm can be. He probably forgot he took his meds and took them again.”  

She sounded a bit emotionless but Gil could only guess she was trying to protect herself. She had been there before when Malcolm had  spiraled  and he could only imagine how painful that must have been for her.  

“Family of Malcolm Bright?” A voice asked, making them turn as one, Dani jumping up.   

“I’m his emergency contact.” Ainsley announced.  

“Good.” He gestured at them to follow him and led them through hospital corridors until they reached a closed door. “M. Bright suffered from a benzodiazepine overdose. It looks like he had been upping the dosage of his usual medication for several days and that combined with lack of nutrition made his blood-pressure drop and induced some heart arrythmia. We put him on a drip to rehydrate him and flush out most of the medication. It should take a few hours but he should be okay.”  

Relief at the news that Malcolm would recover warred with the worry at the confirmation that he had indeed overdosed. Gil knew that, if nothing else, Malcolm would always be careful and consistent with taking his medication. For him to change the dosages without medical advice was  unheard  of.  

“What about his mental state?” Ainsley asked after a moment.  

“As he is still unconscious, we couldn’t evaluate it. But we would like to get a psych eval as soon as he can handle it.”  

“What about admitting him for a 72 hours suicide watch?”  

Gil’s jaw almost dropped. Of course, the thought had been in the back of his mind, but he never would have suggested it. Anyone who knew Malcolm knew that admitting him in a psychiatric ward would be the last thing they should do. It would make everything worst.  

The doctor nodded kindly.   

“It could be a requirement. However, this is for the psychiatrist to judge.”  

Ainsley  nodded,  expression unreadable. Gil glanced at Dani and saw that she was just as horrified as him.  

“You can visit him but I do not expect him to wake any time soon.” And with that the doctor left.  

Gil waited for Ainsley to move and watched as she entered the room. She approached the bed with her back turned to them and observed Malcolm for a moment until her phone pinged. She glanced at it and turned away.  

“I have to go.” She announced as she stepped out of the room. “I’ll call mother.”  

And with that, she was gone, leaving Gil and Dani to stare after her. They knew Malcolm and Ainsley’s relationship could be complicated but they had expected a bit more worry. Especially as they had seemed to be closer since Gil’s stabbing and the following crises.   

Dani stared after Ainsley until her blond locks disappeared.  

Something in her attitude bothered her and she couldn’t put her finger on it. She glanced at her boss and saw the same look in his eyes. But he shook his head and turned back towards the room.  

She felt her heart squeeze. They’d deal with the reporter once they knew for sure Malcolm was okay.  

She let Gil get in first, suddenly feeling shy and  inappropriate .  

Would Malcolm want her there? She asked herself. Would she? If the roles were reversed?  

She wasn’t sure how to answer any of these questions.   

While sometimes it felt she and Malcolm had become closer those last months, sharing after works drinks and the odd meal, it also felt like he had been keeping her at  arm's length  more than ever. Present situation as proof.  

She cursed him again.   

And immediately felt guilty for it.  

Wouldn’t she do just the same as him? Hadn’t she already?   

She still very well remembered getting addicted and hiding it from everyone until it was far too late.   

She squared her shoulders. She wouldn’t let Malcolm make the same mistake again. She’d make him understand that he wasn’t alone,  whether  he wanted or not.  

Gil was already sitting on the chair next to Malcolm’s bed when she finally crossed the threshold. He was wearing such a broken expression that Dani suddenly realized she may be intruding on a private moment.  

She wondered just how many times Gil had found himself in the same situation. Sitting at Malcolm’s bedside in hospital.  

Finally, her gaze landed on her friend.   

She had seen him asleep plenty of time, usually with a twinge of worried expectation in her gut, but here, on a hospital bed with needles stuck in his hand, it only made her feel sick.  

He looked... Frail.  

Which wasn’t how she would typically think of him, contrary to popular belief.  

She knew he was far stronger most people gave him credit for. Which he often played on.  

She walked closer to the bed until she could reach for his usually shaky hand. Now it was still and cold. It made her eyes sting.  

Again, guilt welled up in her. She should have worried earlier. She shouldn’t have waited for a week of unanswered texts and phone calls before barging in on his flat.   

What kind of a friend was she?  

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there.” She quietly told Malcolm, even if he couldn’t hear it.   

“We both weren’t.” Gil said, his voice rough. “But that is going to change.”  

Dani nodded. She already knew it wouldn’t be easy. But neither Gil nor her would let Malcolm pull away from them again. They would be with him. They would make him talk. They would be his friend.  

Chapter Text

Jessica nodded as she listened the contractor in front of her as he explained the plans to her newest rehabilitation project.   

As interested as she was in helping the neighborhood, the mechanics of building construction was still a tad bit too abstract to her.  But,  as she wasn’t about to blindly sign her money away, she did her best to follow the explanations.  

Thankfully, the man was kind enough to use as many layman terms as he could.   

Her phone suddenly interrupted them and she saw her daughter’s name lit up the screen.  

“If you would excuse me. It won’t take long.” She excused herself, getting up, her heart picking up a bit. Her children voluntarily calling her without any kind of pressure from her part was almost always bad news.  

“Ainsley, dear!” She said as cheerfully as possible, hoping she was over-worrying. “I hope you are not calling to cancel dinner. I have ordered in this new restaurant we were talking about last week!”  

“No. No. It’s... It’s Malcolm. He’s been admitted in hospital.”  

Jessica’s world seemed to tilt on his axis as her heart skipped several beats. She had heard the same words several times from several people and yet they were still just as heart-stopping.  

“What... What happened?”  

She asked, her mind already flashing with all the possibilities, gunshot wounds, stabbing. Hell, had he not fallen down an elevator shaft some weeks ago?  

“The doctor said he overdosed on his meds and was dehydrated but that he would be fine. Gil is with him.”  

Too many information reached Jessica’s brain, making her dizzy. Shakily she sat down on a nearby chair. Malcolm was in hospital. After an overdose. But Gil was with him. Why? How?  

“Look mom, I have to go. I’ll text you the  address . Talk to you later”  

The faint click resonated through the fog that had settled over Jessica’s brain. The ping of a text shook her.  

She excused herself from her meeting without realizing it and found herself in her car almost before noticing it. Thankfully, Adolpho was nothing if not efficient and he drove away towards the address Ansley sent her the moment she was siting.  

The drive felt like an  eternity .   

Her mind kept going back to Ainsley’s words. Overdose.   

She could remember a time when that at happened. When Malcolm was a teenager and struggling with a world that wasn’t kind to, or the Whitly family as a generality. But they had gone over it. And since that he had been religiously following his prescriptions. Of that she had never had any doubt. Mostly because she regularly counted the remaining pills and compared it to the expected number.  

She thought back to the last time she had seen Malcolm. She went to visit him after he had stormed out of the manor but, as strange as it was, he had been actually asleep and she hadn’t had the heart to wake him.  

Was that the first sign that something was wrong?  

Guilt burnt her stomach., making her feel sick.   

She suddenly realized that he had looked terrified at the manor. And she had done nothing.   

“We’re here.”   

Adolpho’s voice cut through her mounting panic.  

“Thank you.” She breathed as she opened the door and almost run out, needing to see her son.  

The time it took for the nurse to tell her where to find him was even longer than the car ride and only her education stopped her from tapping her foot on the floor.  

She barely remembered to thank the young man in front of her before she went away, following the instructions given.  

It was easy enough to find the hospital room. Entering it was far less easy.  

For long minutes she stayed outside the threshold, watching as Gil and detective Powell sat next to her son’s hospital bed, similar looks of worry on their faces.   

They hadn’t noticed her for the moment and she was grateful because it felt like the guilt was eating her away, making her lungs shrink.   

She couldn’t entirely see Malcolm but the stillness she could see was enough to make her sick, throat tight and eyes stinging.  

Gil finally noticed her and jumped up.  

“Jess...” He started but interrupted himself, the Deja-vu feeling was atrocious. She wanted to let him hug her but immediately remembered just how badly she had and still was treating him by lying to him.  

“What happened?” She asked instead, forcing herself to stand tall even if she wanted to collapse in sorrow. “Ainsley said he overdosed.”  

The lieutenant nodded as the detective got up to let Jessica pass.  

Jessica barely noticed.  

All she could see was her son’s pale, slack face. Her lips shook and she struggled not to cry. She took his limp hand in hers, shocked at the coldness.  

“Darling.” She whispered as her other hand brushed back his too-long hair.  

Her mind flashed back to the last time she had seen him. The sorrow and the fear so clear in his eyes. Why hadn’t she followed?  

She had seen him unravel after she confronted him with his lies. But she had been too concerned by Ainsley to really notice it. Was this the consequence of him pain? Was she responsible?  

“I’m so sorry.” She added quietly.  

Watching the usually stoic Jessica Whitly at her son's bedside made things even more painful for Dani and she turned away, trying to give her the privacy she deserved.   

Yet she couldn’t  help  but hear the quiet words uttered.  

She supposed it was normal for a mother to feel guilty when their child was hurt, but for some reason, she felt suspicious. Call it her cop gut instinct.  

It just sounded too laden.   

More than the normal, expected concern. She glanced at Gil but he seemed lost in thoughts, hand half raised as if he wanted to  touch Jessica  without daring.  

She bit her lips.   

“You found him?” The woman finally asked Gil.  

He shook his head.  

“Dani did.”  

The detective had only a second to brace herself before she was pulled in a bone-crushing hug.  

“Thank you. Thank you so much.”  

Dani nodded, awkwardly patting the older woman’s back. Not sure she deserved the gratitude when she felt she had failed Malcolm.  

“Was... Was he already unconscious when you got to him?”  

Her mind flashed back to a few hours ago. Malcolm’s confused surprise at seeing her.  

“No.... He was awake briefly.”  

“Did he say anything? About... About his reasons to...” She couldn’t finish her sentence and Dani could feel her pain.  

“No... No, he was pretty out of it already...”  

The woman nodded, turning back towards the hospital bed, hand going back to Malcolm’s heir in a display of affection Dani hadn’t often seen.   

Silence fell on the room, making Dani squirm. She didn’t want to leave Malcolm but was feeling inadequate to stay.  

“I’ll go get coffees.” She finally decided, she needed time to breathe. And she wanted to let to Gil the opportunity to speak to Jessica alone.  

Gil observed Jessica as she sat down on Malcolm’s hospital bed, sorrow lining her face.  

“I’m... I’m sorry Jess.” He finally said, feeling he had to say something.  

She shook her head, eyes not leaving her sleeping son.  

“It’s not your fault.”  

“I should have followed up after his visit last week...”  

“I went to see him the following day... He was asleep so...” She interrupted herself with a gasp. “Do you think he really tried to...?”  

She couldn’t finish her sentence so he pulled her into a hug. Despite everything that had happened between them, he couldn’t watch one of the strongest person he knew suffer without doing anything.  

“We won’t know before he wakes up. But I know Malcolm, I’m sure there is an explanation. And we’ll help him.”  

He felt Jessica nod against him.  

“Sorry.” She said, pulling back.  

Silence fell in the room as both waited for the man on the bed to wake up. Gil wished he would hurry up. He needed to talk to him. To understand.  

Unfortunately, his wish wasn’t granted for hours. Long enough for Dani to come back with coffee once and then a second time.  

He felt oddly touched that she chose to stay around. He knew her friendship with Malcolm was strong but seeing the proof was something else. He hoped the profiler knew he had such good friends.  

Gil’s mind had been drifting for a long time when a low groan cut through the room’s silence. Everyone’s attention shifted back to the bed, muscles tensing as they watched Malcolm shifting on the bed.  

They were all aware things could go wrong very fast if the night terrors came  out .   

Jessica’s hand tightened on his and Gil took a step  forward , getting ready to restrain Malcolm if need arose.  

They all watched with bated breath as the man struggled with his subconscious before awakening with a strangled cry, curling on himself. Jessica started to rub his back as he struggled to get his panting breaths under control.  

“What? Where?” He sounded  worriedly  confused but Gil couldn’t help his heart from soaring at the fact that he was awake and talking.  

Waking up after dreaming of being stabbed was, sadly, not a novelty to Malcolm.   

The dizziness and raging heartrate, however, were less common but not entirely unknown either.  

He was confused, however, as to why his mother, Gil and Dani were all around him. The lingering panic, however, made it hard to understand why.  

“What? Where?” He tried to articulate his thoughts but two words was everything his foggy brain could manage.  

“You’re in the hospital.” His mother supplied from where she was still half hugging him which was both very comforting and very awkward.  

He took a mental check. Except for his still foggy brain and fluttering heart, he couldn’t say he hurt anywhere.   

“Can you remember what happened?” She carried on when he didn’t react.  

He shook his head, frowning. He remembered falling down an elevator shaft. And he had woken up in hospital... No, that was a dream. In real life, he had gotten checked by EMTs, refused the hospital visit and went on his merry, pain-filled way.   

He remembered finding Ainsley in his flat... Covered in blood... The following days flashed in his mind’s eye, his heart feeling it wanted to fly out of his chest.  

“You overdosed Malcolm.” His mother’s words cut through the mounting panic, halting the recollections but starting another string of them.  

Hallucinating his father, the whispers telling him that he was just like his father. That he was responsible for Ainsley’s breakdown or whatever that was. He remembered upping his medication, just so he could ignore them and not feel like he was drowning.   

“Malcolm?”  

Shit, shit, shit . His mind panicked, eyes flying to Gil and Dani’s worried face for a few seconds before settling back on his mother.  

He scrambled to find an excuse,  an  explanation, anything.  

He drew blank.  

He’d been stupid. So stupid.  

“I told you  you  couldn’t just ignore the world by eating pills. Always knew that would happen.”  

Malcolm closed his eyes and breathed deeply, willing himself to make the imaginary Martin Whitly go away.  

“Malcolm?” Gil’s voice repeated and the worry he heard in it made his guilt flare. He hadn’t wanted to put the man through that again.   

Hell, he hadn’t wanted that.  

“It... It was a mistake... You know how I am; I must have lost track of time and when I took each round. Gabrielle always said I should use that Med-tracker App, guess she was right.”  

He struggled to pull up a reassuring smile on his face even though he knew half of what she just said was a lie.  

He hadn’t meant to overdose per say. But taking more pills than prescribed had been a conscious  decision .  

Dani’s eyes lifting to the  ceiling  before leaving the room told him exactly how  successful  he was with his lie. Which was not at all.  

Damn.  

He hadn’t meant to hurt her. Or anyone.  

His eyes glided to Gil and he saw the hidden disappointment. The lieutenant, however, didn’t comment. He didn’t know how he felt about that but thought he deserved it completely.  

“I’ll go find a nurse. Tell them you’re awake.” And with that, Gil also left the room.  

Double damn.  

His mother shifted to sit up more on his bed, keeping one of his hands in hers. The pain in her eyes broke him.  

“Malcolm.”   

She interrupted herself with a sigh, obviously not knowing what to say.   

“Darling. You have to be honest with me. What really happened?”  

He bit his lip, turning his eyes away. He didn’t want to tell her. He didn’t want to further break her heart by telling her about Ainsley’s ploy to prove him how bad he was. How wrong he, they, all were in thinking her fragile.  

It would break his mother. Again.  

She rubbed his fingers.  

“Is this about... You know what?”  

Another flashback to the day when everything started to fall apart. He shook his head, unable to bring himself to talk.  

“Then what?”  

He refused to answer. He wouldn’t cause her any more pain. She sighed and he hated that he was already too late to spare her completely.  

She  ducked  her head.  

“Malcolm. If you don’t find a better explanation... They will admit you...”  

“I’m fine.”  

It was her turn to shake her head and it hit him.  

They’ll admit him... On suicide watch. In a psychiatric ward. His breath shortened again.   

“They can’t.”  

“They don’t have to get your authorization if they think you are a danger to  yourself.  Especially as they have your medical  proxi’s .”  

The implication of her words hit him like a ton of bricks, robbing him of his breath. Ainsley would let them put him away. Just to prove her point. To get her revenge.   

Just as she had let him live through hell, thinking she had killed someone else under his watch.  

She wouldn’t, would she?  

Ah, that’s my girl! I knew she wasn’t to be messed with!  

He didn’t even bother to react to his father’s words from where his hallucination sat near the window, proud smile on his face.  

Chapter Text

Gil couldn’t say he was proud of himself. But sometimes, need be. And this time, well...  

So  he stayed hidden next to the open door, as inconspicuously as possible, and listened in mother and son’s conversation.  

Yes,  it wasn’t very moral or professional but he had enough experience dealing with the Whitly’s to know that most of the time, conventional methods just wouldn’t work.  

And it had been quite obvious Malcolm himself wouldn’t talk about what was going on. At least not with him or Dani.  

However, from what he was overhearing, it was clear Jessica knew, or at least strongly suspected, what had brought this hospital visit on.   

A part of him was glad he wasn’t answering her questions either. The other part, the concerned father one, was deeply worried. The panic in Malcolm’s voice at the realization that he could be sent in psychiatric watch didn’t help. At all.  

Neither did the fact that it sounded like his own sister would be the one to send him there. He was still  pondering  over that fact when a stressed looking nurse appeared, obviously alerted by the spike in Malcolm’s vitals.  

Gil followed the red-hair woman in and watched as she tried to talk Malcolm down from his obvious panic attack. He glanced at Jessica who just looked as distraught as he felt.  

Meanwhile Malcolm was panting, clutching at his chest where his heart was beating erratically. Gil wished he could do something but he was powerless as the nurse finally decided to inject him with a calming drug.  

It took only a few minutes before Malcolm’s heartrate finally calmed, leaving him obviously exhausted, his eyes closed.  

Jessica’s lips trembled as  GIl  was rooted to the spot.  

“I think it would be best to leave Mr. Bright alone to rest for the moment.” The nurse said as she herded them away and out, not giving them a choice in the matter.  

It was a testament to how worried Jessica felt when she obeyed.  

Gil stayed silent as he thought about what to say. Getting a Whitly to talk was always hard work that necessitated special skill.  

“Jess...”  

She shook her head, looking like she barely held herself together.  

“Jesssica, if you know what this is about, you have to tell me.”  

Okay, that might not be the most subtle approach but he was frustrated.  

She shook her head, visibly putting her walls up.  

“I don’t know Gil.”  

And if that wasn’t a lie, well, Gil would gladly give his badge away. Sometimes, the Whitly’s were really bad liars. But also bloody stubborn.  

“Right.” He answered and a tense silence fell between them as neither wanted to leave the hospital.  

Gil tried to piece together what he had learned but it made no sense.   

Yes, Malcolm had been even more intense lately but Gil thought that it was just the global stressful period that had been affecting him. Between the global pandemic, Gil being hospitalized and JT rising up to temporary chief, it could be understood.   

But was this really all there was to it?   

Gil had to admit that he had struggled to keep track on Malcolm when he was in the hospital between the strict no-visit rule and the fact that neither him nor the profiler were fans of videocalls. Had he missed something then?  

But if  that,  was it, why had it taken so long to affect Malcolm? Or had he just been oblivious the whole time?  

His hand nervously rubbed his hair.  

In any case, Jessica was at least partially aware of what was happening. Had Malcolm confided in her? He couldn’t imagine that. The young man had never been one to talk to his mother about his troubles, which was partially the reason why Gil was still in the picture. After Martin’s arrest, it had just been clear that the child had needed someone to talk to. Someone that was neither family or medical professional.  

So, how had Jessica learnt of what was wrong?  Was it something she had discovered in one of her inspections in Malcolm’s loft that she thought no one knew off? Certainly not as the profiler was clever enough to hide everything he wanted to keep secret.  

There were just too many unanswered questions. It was beyond frustrating.   

Dani punched the bag in front of her, wishing it could help get rid of the emotions boiling under her skin. There was just too many to name  individually  and they were just swirling in her like a dizzying, sickening mess.  

She had been at it for hours and her muscles were aching but she just couldn’t stop.   

It wasn’t helping anything but if she stopped, it felt like she would go  crazy.  

Her mind kept flashing back to Malcolm. Him unconscious on his hospital bed or falling asleep on her, smothered by too many chemicals. Him smiling at her as she teased him, calling her beautiful seemingly without noticing it. The badly-hidden pain and guilt when she told him he was bad at lying about whatever was bothering him.  

Her words came biting her now.  

She hit harder.  

She should have insisted. She should have...  

She didn’t even know what she should have done.   

For all that Malcolm had a skill to make her talk about her feelings, she had no idea how to make him talk.  

Sure, he would sometimes share a random personal fact with her, but it never felt like it was due to anything she would say or do.  

She hated it.   

She hated Malcolm for making her feel like she was failing him.  

She hit even harder.  

“I wouldn’t want to be the guy who annoyed you like that.” JT’s voice made her literally jump, racing heart missing several beats. “Don’t tell me Jackson hit on you again.”  

Dani just breathed heavily for a moment, gloved-hands on her bent knee. How she wished the situation was as simple as unwanted, slightly creepy, attention from a rookie.  

“Hey,  you  okay?”   

Damn, she must have really looked like a mess if JT dared to ask the question. She wondered if she should lie, pretend everything was fine. But wasn’t that what had caused the current situation? Lies?  

She just shook her head. Her partner’s shoulders squared and she appreciated the fierce look that entered his eyes. He was obviously ready to defend her.  

“What happened?”  

She went to sit on the nearby bench, her tired muscles shaking slightly.  

“Bright’s in hospital.” She paused for a moment, still feeling sick at the words. JT’s mouth opened. “He overdosed on his meds.”  

His mouth closed and he frowned. For all he pretended he didn’t care, he looked damn worried.  

“How did that happen?” Dani was glad that he sounded just as confused as she was. She shrugged helplessly.  

“He says he was distracted and forgot he took them.”  

“That’s bull...”  

“He was pretty distracted last time I saw him.” Edrisa’s voice interrupted JT’s exclamation and Dani vaguely wondered why suddenly everyone knew of her hiding spot.  

“What are you doing here?” JT asked, more surprised than mean.  

Edrisa blushed, shifting on her feet.  

“I... Huh... I heard about Bright... And... Well...” She wrung her hands, obviously conflicted.   

“What is it Edrisa?” Dani asked. Despite all her weirdness, it was not often that the ME struggled to express herself. Quite the contrary, usually. Seeing her so hesitant sent her already frayed nerves on edge.  

“Huh... Just... Forget it...” She turned on her heels.  

“Edrisa! Please, just... Tell us what you know.” And if Dani sounded desperate, well, it couldn’t be helped.  

The ME stopped but didn’t turn back.  

“I know you care for him. I... We do too. We want to help him but he’s obviously hiding something and whatever it is, Edrisa, it is hurting him. And he won’t let us help.”  

Sighing, her shoulders dropping, the small woman turned.  

“It... It may be nothing...”  

Dani didn’t say anything, holding her breath. Her gut was telling her that maybe, just maybe, she was about to learn something that would finally explain things.  

“He... He asked me to analyze some blood last week... Off records...”  

“Edrisa!” JT cried out exasperatingly.   

And while Dani’s first reaction was to agree, she wasn’t overly surprised. Malcolm had turned to the ME previously. With every rights. They had been doubting him while she had kept total faith in him.  

“What did you find?”  

“Pig’s blood.”  

Dani and JT exchanged a dubious look.  

“How did Bright react to that?” JT asked  

The ME shrugged.  

“I don’t know... He looked... Stressed? I mean, more than his usual kind of stressed?  Also  I saw that he sent tens of texts to his sister and she didn’t answer. He looked worried when I commented on it.”  

Again, Dani could feel her gut twist. Ainsley had her phone basically stuck in her hand. There was no way she hadn’t seen her brother’s texts.  So  she was consciously not answering.   

And what with the blood?  

“Did he tell you from where he got the blood?” Dani was grateful that JT was there to ask questions because her mind just couldn’t focus.  

Edrisa shook her head.  

“Like I said, it’s probably nothing.”  

Dani wasn’t so sure about that. The two events were just too close to each other to be mere coincidence.  There was only one way to know.  

“I’ll go ask him.” She decided, getting up to gather her stuff.  

“Hum, Dani?”  

She interrupted herself to turn towards JT.  

“It’s 9PM. They won’t let you visit.” He pointed out.  

He had a point. However, she was not about to wait the whole night to talk to her friend. Certainly not when there was a  risk  he would be placed on  a 72 hours  watch before that.  

“I can help with that.” Edrisa jumped in. “I have a friend there. He’ll let you in.”  

“Thank you Edrisa.”  

She nodded but looked guilty.  Dani sighed.  

“You did the right thing.”  

The woman didn’t look convinced but there wasn’t anything more to be said. She turned towards the locker room for a quick shower.  

“Keep us posted?” JT asked and, again, concern was evident on his face. She wondered if Malcolm knew how much people cared about him.  

Probably not.  

“Of course.”  

She took the quickest shower ever and jumped in her car only 10 minutes after leaving the precinct gym. Thankfully, the late hour meant traffic was pretty scarce and she reached the hospital in less than half an hour.  

As promised, she was gritted by Edrisa’s friend who led her to Malcolm’s room.   

She took a deep breathe before knocking lightly and entering. The light was dimmed and Malcolm was lying on his side, his back turned to the door. One could think he was asleep but she could see the tenseness in his body.  

“Hey.” She said softly as she made her way towards the chair on the other side of the bed.  

He jumped a bit and she knew he had been lost in his head.  

“Hey.” He answered, voice rough and tired.  

She sat down and observed him for a moment. He looked exhausted. Exhausted and defeated.   

“I thought visitation hours were over.” He commented after some time.  

“As if that would stop me.” She tried for levity. It didn’t work.  

“What are you doing here Dani?” She hated how flat his voice was.  

She leaned forward, trying to catch his eyes.  

“I’m trying to be your friend.”  

His eyes closed with a depreciating snort.  

“You shouldn’t.” His voice was barely a whisper but the room was quiet enough that she heard it. Her heart broke at the conviction it held.   

“Why?”  

He didn’t answer, eyes  remaining  closed as if he wished she would disappear. Both his hands were shaking. She wanted to reach for them but wasn’t sure it would help. She sighed.  

“Malcolm... You can’t carry on like that. I can see something is eating at you. Something important... And it is killing you...”  

She let silence settle for a moment, worried that the man in front of her wasn’t even trying to dispel her accusations.   

“Please, you have to talk to me. To anyone...”  

“I can’t.” He answered after a long time.  

“Why?” She struggled not to let her frustration color her tone.  

He heaved a heavy sigh, opening his eyes to observe her.  

“Because it would ruin everything.”  

And he seemed so certain that it chilled her. She reached for one of his shaking hands and squeezed it.  

“From what I see, things cannot go really worse.” She commented, wishing he’d trust her.  

He shook his head.  

“Please Malcolm... I’m worried about you. The team is worried about you. I haven’t seen you like that since Eve and Endicott...”  

And as she said it, it suddenly struck her that that was it. The moment when things changed.  

The fact that he froze beneath her hand only confirmed it.  

How had she not made the link earlier?  

Things hadn’t been normal since that night when Gil was stabbed but she, they, had all been too swept up in everything else that had happened to notice anything else.  

“Malcolm?” She questioned.  

He pulled his hand free of hers, hugging himself, eyes tightly shut.  

“Malcolm, what happened?” She was aware she was pleading. She didn’t care.  

She was almost sure now. That all that was because of Endicott. Again.  

“I killed him.” His voice broke through her thoughts and the whole room seemed to stop.  

She stared at him for a beat. His eyes were still closed and he was still huddled on his side.  

“ No  you didn’t.”  

And it wasn’t just hopeful thinking or denial that made her say that.   

It was total conviction.   

It may not have been for long but she knew him.   

She knew him and she knew he wouldn’t have killed Endicott. Not when they were already on him. And certainly not by stabbing him multiple times like the autopsy report Edrisa had showed them said.  

Not that Malcolm wasn’t capable of violence. He was. But even if he wanted to kill Endicott, he knew enough about anatomy to not do it like that. The profiler could kill a man with one single well placed hit. Of that she was sure.   

But that was not what happened.  

“Dani...” He almost whimpered, desperate.  

“You didn’t. I know you didn’t.” She insisted.  

He opened his eyes but barely glanced at her before looking down at his hands.  

“I did.” His voice was shaking. It hurt her but she had to carry on.  

“What about the pig’s blood then?”   

Because that was it. The big question. The element that changed the precarious equilibrium that was Malcolm Bright.  

The whole body flinch the question created only proved to her that she was on the right path.  

“Where did you find it?”  

He didn’t answer, whole body tense, breathes short and rapid.  

“Did someone threaten you?”   

He shook his head vehemently but the increase of his hand’s tremors was belying his answer.  

“Malcolm if someone threatened  you,  we can protect you.”  

Again, he denied it, wide blue eyes carefully avoiding her.   

“What about Ainsley?”   

“She has nothing to do with this.”   

Dani was no FBI-trained profiler but she knew that when a suspect  answered  a question that quickly, it was usually a lie.  

That, Edrisa’s comment on  unanswered  texts and her own observations only made her more suspicious of the youngest Whitly.  

She knew, however, that Malcolm wouldn’t say anything more. She sighed, leaning forward again.  

“I know you are hiding something and I wish you would trust me enough to tell me...” The pained look in his eyes told her he wished the same. “But I am your friend, and I’ll respect your decision. What I’m asking you, however, is to promise me you will not meddle with your meds again. And if you don’t do it for me then do it for Gil, or your mother.”  

Slowly, Malcolm nodded, still looking pained and conflicted. She nodded too, patting his arm softly. It was not the best outcome but it was something. She got up and went to the door, turning back to watch him for a moment more.  

Then she stepped out of the room and took out her phone. It was really late but she did not hesitate before tapping her boss’ name.  

“Gil? We have a problem. Can I come to your house?”  

Chapter Text

Gil had been staring at a glass of bourbon for the best part of an hour without drinking a drop when his phone rang.   

Seeing Dani’s name made his mind flash back to her last call and he didn’t lose a second to answer.   

While this time she had no bad news to announce per say, her tone still made anxiety rise in his gut.   

It was clear, however, that whatever she wanted to tell him wasn’t something that could be done over the phone. There was therefore no hesitation in accepting a  late-night   visit .   

He spent the next half an hour of waiting preparing coffee. He hadn’t been expecting to get any sleep before Dani’s call and with how stressed she had sounded, it was clear he would need the pick-up. Not to mention keeping busy somewhat stopped his mind from spiraling over what kind of “problem” they could have.  

He saw her park her car behind his and opened the door before she could knock. She looked pale and tense,  acknowledging  him with a nod before entering.  

“I’ve made coffee. Let’s sit in the kitchen.”  

“Thanks.” She whispered as he passed her a mug, wrapping her hands around it as if she was freezing.  

For a moment, Gil said nothing, letting his detective settle, even if his brain was now running with a thousand various scenarios, most of them involving a certain profiler.  

“So, what is going on Dani?” He sat down in front of her and waited.  

She let out a deep sigh, ducking her head before she started to talk. She walked him through Edrisa’s revelation (and he really had to talk to their ME about rules) and her decision to go talk to Malcolm before describing her discussion with the profiler.  

“What are you saying Dani?” He finally asked when it looked like she had told him everything.  

She leaned back on her chair, nursing her cup of coffee.  

“I honestly don’t know Gil. All I know is that Malcolm hasn’t killed Endicott.”  

The Lieutenant nodded. He shared the same belief. He had known Malcolm for long enough to know that cold-blooded violent murder was not something the man was capable of.   

Despite the situation, it  warmed  his heart that Dani finally thought the same.  

It didn’t help to understand what the hell was happening with  Malcolm  however.  

“And yet he confessed.” He commented, for the sake of argument.  

He didn’t like what his mind was telling him and he hoped the woman in front of him would give him another explanation.   

Dani shook her head. She looked pained.  

“He really wanted me to believe him, Gil... He was... Desperate for it... And all I can think is that... There are only a few people for whom Malcolm would confess to a crime... And most of them were together...”  

Gil sighed, taking a sip of coffee and suddenly wishing it was the bourbon from earlier.  

“Except Ainsley.” He finished for her.  

He may have been unconscious in surgery that  night  but he had heard enough people talk about it to have a pretty good idea of the night’s events. And he knew the youngest Whitly hadn’t been in the picture.  

Dani nodded.  

“He seemed to panic even more when I mentioned her. He was adamant she had nothing to do with it but... It just sounded wrong...”  

A heavy silence blanketed the room.  

“So, what are we thinking here?” Gil finally said, feeling weary. “That Ainsley killed Endicott and that Malcolm is covering for her?”  

Dani shrugged. She looked just as exhausted as he felt.  

“It’s horrible to say but... I think it’s the only explanation that fits.”  

Gil wished he could disagree with her but... That was just it. Malcolm would never accuse himself of a crime he didn’t commit. Except if he thought he was protecting someone he loved. And the list of those was really, really, short.   

And he knew for a fact just how protective of his little sister that kid had and will always be.  

“Damn.” He swore.  

Neither talked for a long time as they finished their coffees. Gil’s mind felt stuck in a loop of potential scenarios, of what-ifs and what- now .  

“What are we going to do Gil?”  

Dani’s voice was only a  whisper  but it cut through the night’s silence easily.  

“I don’t know.” He wished he had a better answer for her.   

He got up and cleaned the table, just to have something to do with his hands.  

“From a strictly professional point of view, I’m not sure there is anything we can do. There is no proof. The body Is in Estonia. And we’re not even sure what precisely happened.”  

He saw Dani nod in agreement but he knew that wasn’t the only thing she was asking about.  

“For the rest...” A deep sigh escaped him. “I’m not sure I can blame  Malcolm?  If this turns out true and he is covering for her... I can’t even say I’m surprised honestly.”  

“I agree...”  

He was glad for that. He knew how important what Dani thought of him was to the profiler. Whether she realized it or not was still under examination.  

“One thing I still don’t get, though...” She carried on after a moment. “What is the deal with the blood he gave to Edrisa? It is obvious that it... Tilted the balance for him... But why?”  

Gil shook his head. He was as much at a  loss  than her.   

“I don’t know. But I know someone who could help with that.”   

Jessica stared out of the car’s window without taking the sights in. Early morning traffic was heavy and it felt as if they hadn’t moved in hours even if she knew it was barely minutes.  

She just wanted to see her son. Gil and her being banned from his room the day before had outraged her as much as it worried her. It was clear to her that Malcolm’s mental state had deteriorated far more than she had thought if he was back to having panic attacks.  

And she was at a loss at the reason for it.  

Yes, he had witnessed his sister kill a man. Yes, he had covered for it.   

But he had clearly had things together for months.  

Hell, she hadn’t even suspected anything before him and Ainsley started to act all weird around each other and over her missing rug.   

She still couldn’t believe she had believed that stupid story about spilled wine.  

“We’re here Ma’am.” She half-jumped. She had been lost in thoughts.  

“Thank you Adolpho. I’ll call you when I need you again.”  

The man nodded as he got out to open her door.  

She started to make her way to the visitor’s entrance but was stopped at the sight of Gil sitting on the bench next to it, eyes fixed on her.  

It was clear he had been waiting for her. Unconsciously, she straightened her back. Despite how much she wanted to just unburden herself to the man she had trusted for so long, she knew, in that instance, she couldn’t.  

After all, Gil was still a police officer. One that was of the good, uncorruptible ones. And she didn’t want to put him in any  more tight  situation where he would have to  choose  between following the rules and saving her family.  

“Come sit next to me Jess.” He asked once she was near enough.  

He had deep bags under his eyes that showed that he probably hadn’t slept much more than her.  

She wondered if she could go away with ignoring him but immediately knew it wasn’t an option. She put a bright smile on and spoke as cheerfully as she could.  

“Gil! I can’t say I didn’t expect you here but I thought you’d be inside.”  

She gave a dubious glance at the not-that-clean bench and sat on the edge of it. She heard Gil sigh deeply.  

“Listen Jess... I have to be frank with you. You know how much I care about Malcolm, about you... About Ainsley. And that’s why I have to say this. I know they had something to do with Endicott’s death.”  

Jessica’s blood froze in her veins and the smile on her face tensed.  

“This is ridiculous.” She immediately denied.  

“Malcolm confessed to Dani, Jess.” Jessica inwardly cursed her son for being such a self-sacrificing idiot.  

“Malcolm is dosed on meds in a hospital bed. Surely your detective knows not to believe a confession made under substance influence?”   

He ignored her.  

“Dani didn’t believe a word he said because she knows him. Like I do. And like you do. However, you didn’t look all that surprised about it.”  

And now she cursed herself. Gil reached out to take her hand and she noticed it was slightly shaking. She wanted to pull away but couldn’t. She was tired.  

“Jess. Trust me when I say that I am not here as a police officer but as a friend. There are no concrete proofs of anything regarding Endicott’s death. So, even if we wanted to, which we don’t, there is simply nothing we can do.” He took a breath. “What we want to do, however, is help Malcolm.”  

His fingers squeezed hers  and she  felt tears fill her eyes.   

“This situation has gone too long Jess. And while I know Malcolm didn’t kill Endicott, I also know that he wouldn’t confess to it without a very good reason. And the only reason I can see... Is Ainsley.”  

She couldn’t stop the sob that rose up her chest. She shook her head. Why did that have to happen?   

“Jess, please, you have to tell me what happened.”  

She didn’t want to but she knew she had to. The weight of it was threatening to choke her.  

She suddenly realized just how hard it must have been for Malcolm. To keep this secret for months. Without anyone to confide in.  

And all she did was put more weight on him, forcing him to see his father to convince him to tell the truth to his sister.  

So, sitting just outside the hospital’s doors, she told Gil everything she knew about what had happened the night he got stabbed.  

“I... I would never have thought...” She  concluded,  voice chocked. “How did that happen Gil? How could I let this happen? I... I should have protected them...”  

He pulled her to his chest and she hated that it felt so good to be hugged. But she had to admit she needed it. She needed the man’s comfort. She felt him sigh deeply.  

“There was nothing you could have done Jess. Your children were always going to make their own decisions, whether it’s Malcolm or Ainsley... They both are independent, stubborn people.”  

She  almost  laughed. That was a polite way to say it.  

“There is still something I don’t understand, thought.” Gil carried on and she straightened again. “What happened last week?”  

“I... I really don’t know.” She answered  honestly .   

She was just as much at a loss as Gil. She had kept replaying the last two weeks in her head, dissecting every interaction she had with Malcolm and Ainsley but she couldn’t understand what had provoked Malcolm’s breakdown.  

“I think Malcolm and Ainsley had an argument but... Neither would tell me what it was about... We were trying to convince Malcolm to tell the truth to Ainsley so... Maybe it was about it?”  

“We...?”  

Jessica grimaced at her mistake. She hadn’t wanted to let out that information.  

“Martin and I.”  

“You went to see...” She could see him judging her.  

“Well despite how much of a monster that man is... He still is their father.”  

The lieutenant hummed. He knew she was right, even if he clearly hated the thought as much as her.  

“I’m not sure if it was that...” Gil finally said after some time.  

“What do you mean?”  

“Malcolm gave our ME blood to analyze. It turned out to be animal but... It just seemed too much of a  coincidence ...”  

Jessica frowned.  

“What do you think happened?”  

“I don’t know. But I can’t help but think this is linked and we need to understand to know how to help Malcolm...”  

“Do you think Ainsley...?”  

She didn’t even know how to finish that question. What did she think Ainsley did? And why would it be Ainsley?   

“Couldn’t it be from some sort of crime scene? I mean he always is investigating cold cases and that sort of things?”  

She was conscious this was wishful thinking but she just had to find another explanation.  

“We doubt it. He asked her to keep the analyze private. He wouldn’t have done that if he had been working a case.”  

She deflated, shoulders bowing.  

“There only one thing to do then.”  

She pushed herself up, getting her phone out to text Adolpho.  

“What are you doing?”  

“I’m going to search Ainsley’s stuff. She’s still living under my roof.”  

“Jess...” He interrupted himself with a pained look. “Just... Be careful.”  

She froze for a second, remembering the fear that still kept her awake at night at the thought of sharing her house with another murdered, even if that made her sick to the soul.  

“I will keep you updated.” She answered instead and walked back to her car when she saw it appear.   

Chapter Text

Jessica had a weird sense of déjà vu as she, once again, found herself meticulously going through every inch of her daughter’s room.  

It made her feel sick that she had to do it but she also knew it was necessary. What Gil had told her just kept repeating in her mind and she just couldn’t stop wondering what had happened.  

Contrary to when she was younger, Ainsley’s room was almost spotless and she had to be careful to replace everything at their rightful place.   

It took two hours and, still, she found nothing out of the ordinary. Well, except for some low brand cosmetics.  

Maybe they were all being paranoid?  

Yes, she had killed a man. But he was an awful man, worse than even her father. So, she could be excused. It doesn’t mean anything...  

And yet, it didn’t erase the uneasiness she sometimes felt. More and more often, if she was honest with herself.  

But Ainsley had always been... Intense. Intense and driven.   

As she went back to the ground floor, she suddenly realized there was another place she had to check. The office in the basement her daughter had all but commandeered .  

Getting down there still made her shiver and she usually avoided it at all cost. She had to stop herself from thinking too much about what went on in that basement as she slowly descended the stairs.  

She entered her daughter’s newly designated office and couldn’t help but think that it looked far too much like Martin’s old one.  

She shook her head and started opening drawers. For the longest time, she found nothing and really started to think that Gil had been wrong. But then, partly hidden behind an old chest she saw a small black sport’s bag.  

Her heart picked up as she extended a trembling hand towards it.  

Slowly, she opened it and peeked inside, gasping as she saw the red infused white blouse. She felt as if the ground was disappearing from beneath her feet.  

“Mom?” Her daughter’s voice made her jump up, heart in her throat. “What are you doing here?” Her brows were drawn together confusedly before she saw what she was holding.  

Her face instantly hardened and Jessica felt her heart break at the cold look in her eyes.  

“I should be the one asking you this.” She answered instead, willing herself to keep hold of her feelings. “What is this?”  

She threw the bag on the ground, its contents spilling. Ainsley barely glanced at it.  

“What did you do Ainsley?”  

“It’s none of your business.”   

“None of my ... ? ” Jessica enraged. She didn’t recognize her sweet daughter. “Of course, it’s my business! Where is that blood coming from?”  

“It’s from a pig. Don’t look so dramatic!”   

How could Ainsley be so calm about this?   

“What have you done Ainsley? Why do you have a shirt full of blood hidden in your office?”  

The woman didn’t answer and just picked up the bag, closing it before putting it back at its place.  

“Ainsley!” Jessica wanted to shake her daughter.  

“It was just for a prank. No need to be so panicked about it, mom.”  

“A prank? What kind of prank is that?” Jessica didn’t even know if her daughter was telling her truth or not.  

Ainsley looked annoyed and ignored her. Jessica quietly sighed. She knew what she had to do if she wanted to get to the bottom of it.  

“Is there a link to what happened to Nicholas Endicott?” She asked and saw her daughter’s shoulders tense. “Yes, Ainsley, I know what happened.”  

“What do you know?” Her voice was calm and collected. Anyone would think she was totally innocent. It scared Jessica that she was such a good liar.  

“I know you killed him. And I know Malcolm disposed of the body for you.” Her own voice was far less collected.  

“And how do you know that?”  

“Malcolm told me.”  

Ainsley snorted, a scary glint in her eyes.  

“Of course, he told you. Did he also tell you he lied to me for months? That he gaslighted me into believing he killed him again and again?”  

Jessica closed her eyes. It was clear Ainsley had been deeply hurt.  

“ Yes, he did. And I told him that he should have told you the truth.”  

“Well, too late. I remembered all by myself!”  

“What did you do Ainsley?” Jessica repeated again.  

“I taught him a lesson!” Her daughter cried out unapologetically. “I showed him what it was like to be scared because you didn’t know what happened. I showed him what it was like to be lied to! I showed him that he shouldn’t underestimate me! I am as much a Whitly as he is and I am tired that everyone thinks I am a fragile little thing to be protected! I saved this family from Endicott! You should all thank me instead of looking at me like you both do!”  

Jessica was shocked and, as hard as it was to admit it, terrified of her daughter’s words. She looked so much like Martin in that moment that it took her breathe away.  

“Ainsley...”  

“You know what? I am tired of this. I’m moving out. And I don’t want to hear from you or Malcolm again.”  

And with that, she took her laptop and a couple of files that had been on her desk and left in a flurry of blonde hair.   

Jessica was just struck at her place, wondering who was that stranger that had replaced her daughter.  

And yet, her brain couldn’t help but remind her of all those times when Ainsley had been that cold and stubborn. After all, she had had to be to gain her position, to make people forget she was not just the daughter of a serial killer but her own woman.  

Tears filled her eyes as she went back to the living room to get her phone.  

She had to take several deep breaths before she could tap the name on the screen.  

“You were right. I found a bloody shirt. I think she made Malcolm believe that she had killed someone again.” A sob escaped her before she could hold it back. “She said she wanted to teach him a lesson....”  

She couldn’t carry on. She just couldn’t get how her little girl could have been so cruel. Especially as Malcolm had sacrificed so much for her.  

She heard Gil sigh sorrowfully.  

“I’m sorry Jess... But it will be okay... I’ll come as soon as I can, okay?”  

She nodded before realizing he couldn’t see her.  

“Thank you but... I should go see Malcolm... I... I have to apologize to him.”  

“You have nothing to apologize for.”   

She appreciated the confidence but she clearly remembered how hard she had been with her son, criticizing every decision he had taken without once acknowledging the toll it must have taken.   

“Besides, you are no use to him in that state. Take the time to calm down. I will talk to Malcolm.” Gil added, his voice calm and caring. “Everything will be okay.”  

She knew he was trying to convince them both and she was grateful for it. She just wasn’t sure she could believe him...  

Having Jessica confirm his worse theories was not a relief. If anything, it broke Gil’s heart even more.  

He could only imagine the impact of his sister’s actions on Malcolm. He knew just how easily the young man felt responsible for things that were beyond his control.  

To believe that his sister has killed another man under his watch would be the worst torture possible for him.  

It was terrible to think that his own sister would be the one to hurt him that way. Especially as she was one of the few people that were intimately aware of just how fragile his psyche could be.  

“Gil?”   

He jumped slightly. He hadn't heard Dani enter his office.  

After their discussion late at night, he had offered her his guest room and she had readily accepted, too exhausted to drive back to her place. And after that, she had naturally tagged along when he decided to wait for Jessica outside the hospital.  

She had, however, kept out of sight, knowing that the woman wouldn’t talk to anyone other than Gil.    

After that, they had tried to go to see Malcolm only to be told that he was undertaking his psych evaluation and wouldn’t be available for the morning.  

It had brought out mixed feeling as they both knew the man needed the help but it could also mean being admitted which would probably be more than counter-productive.  

Knowing that nothing could be done before Jessica’s information came in, they had decided to go to the precinct and had settled at their respective desks, trying, and mostly failing, to concentrate on paperwork.  

“That was Jessica.” He answered and watched Dani close the door, her expression turning serious.  

“You were right. Ainsley manipulated Malcolm to make him believe she killed someone.”  

The words were just as awful when said out loud. The detective sat down heavily in one of the chairs in front of his desk.  

“That’s... Cruel.”  

Gil couldn’t agree more.  

“No wonder he was so distracted if he thought...” She interrupted herself with a shake of her head. “How could she do this?”  

“I don’t know...”  

And it was the truth. He had witnessed countless of sibling's drama across the years but he never could have imagined something like that.  

“We’ve got to go see Malcolm.” Dani decided, already pushing herself up. It was clear she was on a mission.  

He could only nod. Yes. They needed to see their profiler. To make him understand he had their support.  

They arrived at the hospital in half an hour of a quiet ride during which Gil was trying to prepare what to say.   

He looked over to Dani as they walked across the hospital halls towards Malcolm’s room. She looked both determined and anxious. He was glad that she was with him. He had a feeling that his kid needed to know he had the support of more than just Gil.   

After checking that Malcolm had finished his evaluation, they found themselves in front of the closed hospital door. They shared a final encouraging nod before Gil knocked. He waited for two seconds before entering.  

Only to find Malcolm pulling a T-shirt on his far too skinny torso. It was quite clear he was leaving.  

“What the hell are you doing?” Dani asked before he could.  

Malcolm jumped and turned towards them, wavering and steadying himself against his hospital bed. He still looked far too pale and far too exhausted to be anything but lying down.  

“Leaving.” The man answered with an such obvious forced grin that it made Gil’s stomach twist.   

“Did the doctors authorize that or...?”  

The guilty looked quickly hidden told them Malcolm was leaving AMA.  

“How did the psych eval go?” Gil questioned, making the profiler shrug.  

“Well, good news is I’m crazy, but not enough to keep.”  

The joke fell flat as Gil and Dani crossed their arms as one. Gil thought he should have known Malcolm was clever enough to manipulate a random, overworked hospital psychiatrist into not admitting him on suicide watch. He had, after all, graduated in psychology himself.  

“What are you two doing here?” Malcolm finally asked after a moment of silence during which Gil and Dani stared at him unmoving. He looked stressed.  

Gil sighed.  

“Sit down.” He ordered, strongly enough that the man obeyed, gingerly resting back on his bed, hands clenched at his sides. “We know what happened Malcolm.”   

The profiler’s shoulders bowed for a second before straightening again, eyes flickering to Dani. He nodded to himself.   

“I... I’m sorry I didn’t tell you Gil. Everything happened so fast and I didn’t want you to have to protect me again, especially as you were recovering... And I... I understand if you have to arrest me for murder...”  

Gil shook his head, raising a hand to stop further talk. He just couldn’t understand why, after everything, Malcolm was still protecting his sister.   

“No Malcolm. You don’t get it. We know what really happened. We know Ainsley killed Endicott. We know you disposed of the body for her and lied to her. And we know she made you believe she killed someone else.”  

If Malcolm was pale before, now he was white and looked like he was about to keel over. He was visibly struggling to breath and Gil stepped forward until he could place a hand on his neck, trying to calm him down.  

“Breathe Malcolm.” He coached gently, sending a look at Dani who was biting her lips, eyes jumping between them and the door.  

“You... You don’t understand...” The profiler struggled to say between heaving breaths, trembling beneath Gil’s hands.  

“Then explain to me.”  

“She... She didn’t know what she was doing... When she killed him... And after it, I... I just panicked... I told her I killed him and then... I just... I couldn’t tell her the truth... It would have destroyed her, Gil!” Malcolm’s eyes filled with tears as he pleaded for him to understand.  

And Gil did, he really did. It wasn’t that he had a problem with.  

“After that... I... It was just... Not easier... But necessary to lie... I... I wanted to protect her... I wanted to protect mother...’  

Gil nodded as the tears finally run out of Malcolm’s eyes. It had been a long time since Gil had seen the man in front of him cry and it made his whole body physically hurt but he knew Malcolm had to tell his story.  

“But then... She started... She started remembering and I tried to convince her! To tell her it was me! But mother... And doctor Whitly... They thought we had to tell her... But when I was about to... She was at my flat... Covered in blood. She said she blacked out again.... That she didn’t remember anything.... And I thought... But... It... It was all a trick. It wasn’t human blood. She... She just pretended... She said...”  

He interrupted himself, crumbling in front of Gil as he sobbed. And this time Gil didn’t hesitate to pull him towards his chest hugging him.  

“She said I was just like Martin, manipulating her... Gaslighting her... And... She is right Gil. I did do all that. I am no better than him.”  

And that was it. The knot of the problem. What has always been Malcolm’s greatest fear and weakness. He pulled away to make sure to catch the younger man’s eyes.  

“Listen to me, Malcolm.” He said strongly, squeezing his biceps as if it could force him to understand. “You did what you thought was best to protect your sister. You were acting under immensely stressing conditions and I don’t think anyone should blame you about it. Especially not Ainsley. What she did to you was cruel and unfair.” He could see in Malcolm’s wide, pained eyes that he didn’t believe him. “You are not your father Malcolm. And if you want proofs of it, just look at yourself. You wouldn't feel that guilty if you were even the slightest bit like Martin Whitly.”  

Malcolm didn’t answer and carried on sobbing as if he was finally releasing months of pent-up emotions. Gil pulled him back to his chest, rubbing his back as he did when he was a child. He looked up at Dani and saw tears falling down her face too.   

She approached them and sat down on Malcolm’s other side, rubbing his arm comfortingly.  

“I’m really sorry I didn’t tell you anything.” Malcolm finally said after a very long time. His voice was rough. “I... I just didn’t want you to have to choose between your jobs and protecting me...”  

He was talking to the both of them.  

“And I’m sorry you had to live through all that alone.” Dani answered before Gil could say anything. “I wish you would have told me. But I understand why you didn’t. I can’t blame you for wanting to protect your family, Malcolm.”  

He bowed his head.  

“She’s right.” Gil added. “We all understand why you did it and we wish you wouldn’t have had to... But you did. And now all I can promise you is that I won’t let you face that alone again.”  

“Me neither.” Dani pipped up.  

Malcolm shook his head.  

“You don’t have to....”  

“We want to.” They both answered.   

Malcolm’s lips curved into a small but real smile.  

“Okay.” He finally said.  

“Now, you have to promise us that next time you are faced with a situation like that or you feel overwhelmed or anything, you’ll call one of us.” Dani demanded.  

Malcolm nodded, he still looked pale and exhausted, but somehow, also, indefinitely lighter.  

“You have to say the words, kid.” Gil added.  

The younger man shook his head exasperatedly .  

“I promise I’ll call one of you.”  

And while it wouldn’t magically resolve everything, Gil knew it was the first step towards healing. And he knew, that whatever the future would hold, Malcolm wouldn’t be alone to face it.