Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

01 JANUARY - The Penthouse Living Room 

[ I don't know why I thought this was a good idea. Jesus Christ, I look horrible.

*puts both hands on face and groans*

Bucky mentioned at Christmas that when he's having a hard time with himself he journals and it helps work through his emotions. It also lets him reflect and he can write memories of him and Steve from way back when. 

He got also misty-eyed talking to me about it. It was pretty late, I guess, we were supposed to be finishing up decorating the Christmas tree while Tony and Steve were away on some secret thing. But he opened up to me and we hugged for like a long time and I'm not sure I've ever hugged anyone for that long, well except Pete and Tony, but they’re different. That was like a big thing for us in terms of our friendship I think. 

I hope he thinks of me as a friend *stares off-screen for a while*.

But back to vlogging *gag*, the first day of the new year is coming to an end. I had a really amazing Christmas break. Like we did loads of cool shit and I got to help Tony with testing out a new thing for the suit. I almost died from excitement. It was so amazing. I have no clue how it fucking worked, but ya know it was nice to be included. Peter and Aunt May spent Christmas here which was like a party every night. I’ll never be able to look at ham the same again.

School starts again in about a week. I'm cautiously optimistic about it. I've got a whole semester to figure out how I'm gonna continue to pay for school. 

I know I can ask Tony, I just, it feels like I'm taking advantage of him. Is that weird? Considering everything? I don't know. He's my daddy, and I love him and I don't wanna do something that would make him think I don't love HIM. I'd still have him for my daddy if he was some broke-ass mechanic. 

This gonna sound so stupid and sappy if I ever rewatch these, but whatever. 

I just want Tony to know I love him, for him, and not anything else. He treats me like a person, a human being, not something lesser. Like society's hierarchy of people goes supers, rich people, pretty people, average people, villains, then me… somewhere down at the bottom. But Tony, he's deffo in those top three and I need him to know I'd love him even if he was a villain. Which he isn't. But like that's my level. 

Okay, I gotta go, it's dinner time. I guess I'll talk more tomorrow. JARVIS end video please. ]

04 JANUARY - The Penthouse Living Room 

[ Daddy, stop I'm trying to do this for my mental health and sanity.

But *kiss* I *kiss* need *kiss* kisses.

One more kiss, then give me like 10 minutes okay? I wanna brag about our day in privacy *Tony leaves the living room*.

Okay, so today was really good. I think. In the moment, it felt really good. We spent the whole day at MoMa, and I guess that's a pretty regular thing to do, but it felt really special. Like we were on a date, like regular people. Nobody was begging for his attention or picture, well except for me. But we were just a part of the crowd. We looked at loads of art. I took loads of inspo pics and I'm gonna post some to insta later. Daddy took a picture of me he wants to post too. I’m kinda nervous about it? I don’t know. I just don’t wanna cause problems for the PR team… Pepper gave me a whole lecture over Christmas about it and now I’m worried about making them do extra work.

Just… whatever. That’s not what I wanna talk about.

I just enjoyed being Daddy's girl. He held my hand all day, which was nice and good because who boy was it crowded, and there were a couple of times where I almost wandered off by accident. I just got distracted. It was almost like being a kid again, except no leash and ya know Daddy was there. I don’t know where my head was at, I just kinda floated a bit. It was all kinda a lot. 

Also, we deffo made out in this like tiny… alcove? I think that's the word for it. I don't know. What I do know, is that I've never just kissed like that for the sake of kissing. He who can fuck a cactus only kissed me if he wanted sex. It was never nice. 

But Daddy, ugh, when he kisses me it's always nice. Even when it's a kiss goodbye in the morning or in the middle of sexy times or whatever, I always get butterflies I guess? It makes me wanna melt. Makes me feel safe. 

But making out in my mind has always led to sex, so doing it today kinda got me all riled up and Daddy reeled me back in so easy. I feel like I'm learning how to be normal…*stares off*

Anyway.

He let me take pictures of our visitors' pins to post too, which I'm also keeping forever. Maybe I’ll become one of those women who scrapbooks… or a hoarder. I don’t know. 

Daddy knows so much about art, it's nice having someone to talk to about art. Peter listens, but he doesn't really know art. But to discuss? That was really good. I could listen to Daddy talk about Greek statues for days and not get bored.  

We walked through Central Park while the sun was still out too. It was nice, seeing some nature, seeing the squirrels, but it's not Indiana. Like this is my home, 100 emoji for sure, but sometimes I guess I miss the made up version of Indiana in my head. The beautiful fall leaves, endless rows of corn in the summer, pretty almost mountains. Oh and the caves. I miss the caves. Even though they were a few hours drive away, it was always some of my favorite times. They always felt safe, and I don't really have anything like that here. Nothing like that is similar so far. I'm sure I'll find it.

JARVIS end video please.]

07 JANUARY - Tower Communal Kitchen

[ Today was my first day back on campus. 

It was weird. Not because classes were bad, but like being at my dorm last night felt wrong. My roommates were up all night, for once on my schedule, but I felt so disconnected. They should be my friends, right? I should have college friends and not just… older friends? Like I’m a young female student, I should have young student friends, but like… I just can’t connect. Even before when I was spending like all my time here. I just… don’t work the way they do. I guess. 

*huffs, weak laughing at self* I guess it’s just like being back in Indiana… I felt like that there too. I don’t-

*Looks over shoulder* Oh hi Dr. Banner, how was your day? Petey sent me a video of that cool experiment you did. Yeah, Tony's in his lab.

What was I talking about? I don't know. I'm tired. I need to sleep, need cuddles. 

JARVIS end video please.]

15 JANUARY - Tony’s Penthouse Bedroom

[ How has it only been two weeks? I feel like I've been back at school for years. 

What is time anymore? Is it Monday? Yesterday? Who knows!

You, Babygirl, need sleep.

Daddy, I haven't finished this yet.

No arguments, bedtime, let's go. 

JARVIS end video please.]

16 JANUARY - Campus Art Studio

[ Had my first statistics quiz today. I didn't cry, so that was a plus. I feel sick thinking about it though. Daddy and I are gonna talk about different ways to help me study when he's back from his business trip because the way I’m currently doing it is not helpful or healthy and I can’t just be this gross ball of stress all the time. 

But he's away right now, so I'm hole-ing up in the art studio for now. I've got plans to get coffee with Steve and Bucky tomorrow morning. I'm looking forward to hanging out with them. Steve really wants to see the studio space here so I said I'd show 'em around. I've never had coffee with friends before. 

Oh, I gotta go, someone's coming into work. Ah, shoot, off.]

Chapter Text

When I walked into the penthouse, finally home and craving your attention, you were filming another diary entry. You brushed the string of your sweatshirt over your face, staring at the holoscreen JARVIS had pulled to film you, either thinking about what you wanted to say next or getting lost in your head again. I smiled. This was a good idea. I guess I finally owed Bucket something. 

You'd been doing these for little videos every night for almost a month now. It was precious really, watching you just start talking, a stream of words flooding from your mouth with no off switch. You were speaking quietly today, not nearly as animated as you normally were.

"Hey, Babygirl.”

I wrapped my arms around your shoulder, bending a little so I could rest my face next to yours. My hand slipped under the loose collar of your hoodie. You weren't in your pajamas yet, it didn’t even look like you’d done much of anything else since you’d gotten here sometime after dinner. 

"Hi Daddy," you sighed, leaning back into me.

"What's up Buttercup?" Our eyes met on the screen still recording. 

"I-its just-" you groaned and pointed at the paper next to your Stark cup. 

Oh. Your quiz. 

It's time to pull out the big Daddy guns.

“Jay, end the video.” I moved to spin the chair around and settled both hands on it behind your head. I let the silence between us settle, your pretty eyes still glistening tears. Well, that just wouldn’t do. My gaze dropped to your lips slowly, then I met your eyes again.

“Now we can do one of two things since you’ve been such a good girl for Daddy while he was away.”

I could instantly see the gears in your head start to turn as you licked your bottom lip. Fuck, did I love how easy it was with you. All I had to do was remind you how much a good girl you were, following the rules all week, and your mind started pushing you to that subby baby love place. God did it made me feel good too, pushing me to try harder and be better. 

“We can go watch the next Star Wars movie, and Daddy gets to snuggle and play with you," you're almost nodding along, sweet as ever despite your general distaste for the film. "Or you keep daddy warm while I finish up some work in the lab."

"Can I bring my blanket to the lab?" 

∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆

This was still pretty new. Wrapping your head around the idea of giving me pleasure this way, took some time and explaining. Even still, there were times you'd subtly swallow, slurp a little while my half-hard cock just rested on your tongue. The first couple of times we did this, you’d get antsy if I didn’t keep a hand on you. You needed constantly grounding. Cockwarming had been my suggestion, one that I knew from experience could do really well or really shit. 

Tonight, it went beyond any expectation I could have possibly had. 

I was working on my present for you, something for Valentine’s Day. That put us at about six months and hell if that wasn’t the longest romantic relationship I’d ever been in, so I wanted to go all out. The full nine yards of every romantic thing I could possibly think of because fuck were you worth it. I sent the prototype design off to the 3D printer and looked down at you. 

Don’t get me wrong, you are a fucking vision on any day, but there was just something about seeing you between my legs that just takes me places, brings out this primal side of me I’ve never felt before. You looked so content and perfect, your eyes fluttering a bit as I brushed some of your hair away from your face. The weight of your head on my thigh was keeping me grounded this time it seemed. I wanted so badly to just keep you this close to me forever, keep you at my feet while you worship me. 

Jay quietly alerted me that it had been an hour, but that your heart was steady and even. You’d never lasted that long, 30 minutes was normally the max amount of time you could handle. Gently, I lifted your head a little to see your glassy eyes, unfocused and not really seeing. Somehow you nuzzled into my hand while keeping your mouth full wrapped around my cock. There was a slow double tap on my ankle, a green light that you were total good, but I knew I couldn’t keep you here. Even with the cushion, your legs were going to be sore and stiff from kneeling. 

“Baby, need you to look at me.”

You blinked, eyes staying closed for a while before you opened them again. The more you tried to focus, the more I wondered if you were really with me. Eventually, you looked at me and saw me, and just nuzzled deeper between my legs. Your arm loosely wrapping around my leg to hold me close while your blanket slipped off your shoulder. 

“Tell Daddy what you want, Baby.”

The feeling of my cock slipping from your wet mouth, a line of spit still connecting me to those plush lips, was almost too much. I was getting hard, struggling to stop myself from just fucking your mouth until my cum was dribbling from those lips. I knew if I just decided to do that, you’d be more than okay with it, but I needed to know what you wanted. I needed you to tell me what you wanted. I needed to give it to you.

“Wan… you, Daddy...” you struggled to form the words, slurred together and softly spoken. “Need you, always, feel… empty… love Daddy.”

Just… Fuck me, okay? Like my heart was already mostly machine and now you were trying to steal it all over again. Fuck, I can’t believe you. Fuck. I didn’t think I could be more in love with you but seeing that you’d floated, fully, totally gone into subspace for me just… fuck. 

I carried you up to the penthouse, careful the sharp edges of the suit’s arm didn’t touch any bare skin or dig in. You clung to me, mouth lazily kissing on my neck the whole time. We could talk in the morning about this, check-in and see how you felt. Right now I just need to hold you, to feel you against me while we both come down and drift off to sleep. 

“I love you, Babygirl.”