Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Tonpa’s eyes twitched when the newest rookie spat out his laxative laced juice, prompting the other two to dump their own cans. What was with the rookies this year? There were so few of them that were falling for his normally effective trick. They were all irritating, arrogant little snots…

Not that he’d ever let any of that show on his face, of course. No, instead he allowed a nervous expression to tug at his features. “My apologies,” he gulped nervously, clasping his hands together and bowing to really sell the show. “I had no idea the juice was expired! Er, how could you tell?”

The smallest one blinked at him with a bright grin. He couldn’t wait to see it crushed, smile falling into despair as he was stabbed in the back. That’s what this idiot should get for trusting so blindly. This kid was the best type to mess with even if they annoyed him to no end with naivety. “That’s alright! I used to taste a lot of herbs and buds on my home island so I can usually tell when something is bad. It’s a good thing that I drank first!”

That response just made his nervous expression a bit more genuine. Why’d it have to be some backwater mountain child? A small bead of sweat gathered on his brow. He couldn’t allow these strange newbies to throw him off his game. Come hell or high water they’d be destroyed or his name wasn’t Tonpa the Rookie Crusher! 

“Y-yes! All the better. Er, oh look! Another contestant,” he hummed turning to the elevator. He’d honestly thought these last guys were cutting it close but he wasn’t always the best at guessing when phases would start. It all depended on the examiner after all. “I should go say hello!”

“Oh, that’s really nice of you, Tonpa! I’ll go with you. Kurapika, Leorio, would you like to come?”

The aforementioned men gave Tonpa a narrowed eye stare that made Tonpa clench his teeth. But eventually they agreed and their small group made it to the short figure right as they were pinning the #406 badge to their robe. He gave the figure a once over. They were small, practically swallowed under the beige desert robe that was covering them entirely; except for the bony hands and painfully thin wrists that were soon swallowed in the folds as their arms fell to their sides. 

“Hello there,” Tonpa greeted with false warmth, trying to peer into the black void under the hood. Could they possibly be another child? There were already two of them in this exam so far. What a weird year, strange rookies and a bunch of kids. There was a chance it was just a small adult but those hands... “Looks like you’re new to the exam! My name is Tonpa-”

“And I’m Gon,” the small boy at his side exclaimed, bouncing forward to peer closer, a large grin on his face. He gave a happy wave which was hesitantly returned, displaying that thin hand and wrist again. Yea, no. Definitely a kid and most likely an underfed one.

Tonpa couldn’t stop the eye twitch. He cleared his throat. “Right. Right! I can’t help but notice I’ve never seen you before. I was just helping these rookies out-”

“Aw! That’s nice of you! Hi, I’m Jasper- you can call me Jas. I’m definitely not going to remember you in a few minutes.”

One of the rookie’s -probably the middle aged business man- behind him spluttered while the other teen muttered, “Well, that was blunt.” 

And Tonpa couldn't really find it in himself to disagree. And he’d thought the green one was bad enough!

“Why do you say that,” Gon asked, interrupting before Tonpa could even get a word out. Obviously with this kid around he wasn’t going to get anything done! Fine. He could take this loss and just stomp on the brat later. He had plenty of time and if by some miracle the kids made it past the first round, more time for him to work his magic. Besides, the phase should be starting up pretty soon after all.

“Because I have a terrible memory! Speaking of!” A phone was pulled out of the clutches of the robe and brought up to the kid’s face. Then they started typing just as an alarm went off catching everyone’s attention. Tonpa glanced over, keeping the latest rookie within his peripherals. That there looked like an examiner!

Tonpa grinned. Show time.

Jasper hummed as he finished typing a bold ‘FOLLOW PURPLE HAIR’ on his phone before placing it back in his pouch, tucked on his hip beneath his robe. He was absolutely determined to not forget what he was doing during the Hunter Exam. It was too bad he was already off to a horrible start, having almost not made it on time. He couldn’t remember exactly what he forgot but… it had cost him a lot of time and he’d only barely followed behind the group that had… er… what had he said his name was again? Well, it’s fine. He was better with colors anyways and that kid was green all over the pace which made following him easy.

Greenie and his group had made it so… following him should be safe right? It’d be easier to remember than having to check his phone for what he had forgotten anyhow. Probably. For a while anyway. It just really sucked that today was turning out to be a bad day already.

He scanned the people around him, not paying too much attention to details, because he wasn’t going to remember them anyway, so what was the point? But that didn’t mean that people couldn’t be important for him to use in the present! Like following greenie had led him here! 

And, oops, he’d almost forgotten to move, he was so focused on remembering the instruction to follow. So, follow he did. Which was immediately noticed.

“Oh! Hello Jas! Are you going to stay with us?” Greenie seemed super nice. Bad trait for him to have but potentially really useful for him to use, especially right now. The other two seemed much more suspicious of him. Hm, was that why they stuck around? Were they protectors of some sort? Then if he could just get greenie to trust him, he should be fine until he had gotten some rest! Then he could- he could… finish what he came here to do? What had he come here to do?

“Jas? Are you okay?”

“Huh?” He blinked at the face in front of him. Greenie was walking backwards now, face leaning far too close to his own for comfort. He squawked in surprise and almost fell backwards. A firm hand fell on his shoulder and Greenie let out an apologetic laugh. “Sorry!”

“No, it’s ok. It’s my fault… I think.” He shooed the hand away from his shoulder, extremely uncomfortable with the contact. Greenie didn’t seem to be bothered at all by it, thankfully.

“Are you really letting this kid hang around, Gon? He seems a little… erm-” That was the tall one. Drab colors. He’d be extremely difficult to remember. How unfortunate as that normally pissed people off. Oh, well. There was more than one guard after all.

“It’s fine! He’s a good guy!”

“If Gon thinks it’s fine, then leave it.” Blonde. Also in darker colors with a bit of white thrown in. He… might be able to remember this one. If it was any other day- “Oh, that’s strange.”

Drab looked confused and Greenie glanced at his two guards, curiosity written all over his face. 

“What’s happening? Everyone seems so rushed,” Drab complained, glancing this way and that.

“I was right! The rhythm is getting progressively faster,” Blonde said seriously, starting to run along with the rest of the crowd.

“Oh! The ones in the front have started running,” Greenie exclaimed, flipping around so he was facing forward again as he too started to run. “C’mon Leorio, Jas! Let’s go.”

Jasper blinked and followed. He’d heard the guard’s name but… well, not important. What was important, though- “Why are we running?”

“Are you seriously asking that!?” Ah, so Drab was a hot-head.

“I have a bad memory,” he helpfully explained. He needed them to like him after all if he was going to use them to… to do…. Whatever he had set out to do today. He should check his phone. He usually wrote what was needed on it. 

“Is your memory really that bad,” Blonde asked, sending a frown his way.

“Yup!”

“Then why are you taking the Hunter Exams!?”

“Aha! That’s what I’m doing,” Jasper exclaimed gleefully. “The Hunter Exams! Thanks for the reminder!”

“ARE YOU SERIOUS!?”

Wow. Drab was seriously going to hurt himself if he kept up like that. Anger wasn’t good for you… or something like that. But he supposed there was no harm in telling them. “I’m taking the Hunter exams to find my family. There’s lots of information available that I can use with a License!... I think.”

As Drab went into another fit of disbelief and anger, Jasper turned his attention instead to Greenie who was laughing. That was a much better reaction. Safer. “That’s really neat, Jas. I’m doing the same thing. My dad is a Hunter and I wanna know what it was like for him. Then I’m going to find him!”

Oh. Well, he’d never met anyone that had the same goal as him before. That was actually… really cool. He glanced over at Greenie again, trying to take in the details. The green was honestly what stood out the most, but he also had a fishing rod on his back which was a notable identifier too. Beyond that though, Greenie was sort of plain; brown eyes, black hair, round child-like face. It was a pity but he’d try his best to remember him if only for the novelty of meeting someone like him.

And considering that novelty and how rare it was -he knew of no others by the way- Jasper would do his best to make sure that Greenie liked him while they were still around each other! “In all fairness to you… I’m not going to remember that.”

Greenie laughed. “That’s okay! I can just keep reminding you!”

Perfect! That was absolutely what he needed. If Greenie could just keep telling him what he needed to know every time he forgot then his day would be set. Jasper opened his mouth to reply, a big smile pulling at his lips, before he was cut off by some rude stranger running next to them.

“That’s really dangerous, you know. If you keep forgetting things how are you going to pass the exam?”

“And who are you?”

He watched the muscle in the stranger’s cheek twitch as they closed their eyes. “This is exactly why it’s dangerous. I’ve been here the whole time and you’ve already forgotten me. It’s even worse than I thought,” the blonde haired boy muttered.

Jasper blinked and tried to dig into his flickering memories. It was dark, it was cold, there was a steak, then he met Greenie… Mm, nope he didn’t remember at all.

“This is Kurapika,” Greenie cut in cheerfully. “He’s been with us this whole time. And this is Leorio,” Jasper dragged his eyes away from the blonde, over to a middle aged looking man. He looked like someone he’d pickpocket on the street. How drab. Hm. That’s a good name for this guy. As for the other one… his most notable feature was his hair. So. Blondie. “And I’m Gon!”

Jasper nodded a few times absentmindedly. He definitely wasn’t going to remember them but greenie-er, Gon?- was important for his continued success. He should probably at least try… but really on a day like today was it even worth the effort?

Meh. Fair warnings should be given.

“I’m not going to remember that.”

“Stop saying that,” Drab shrieked from behind them as the pace continued to increase. At the rate he was slowly falling behind, Jasper honestly didn’t think Drab was going to make it to wherever they were going. How long were they going to be running for?

There was a voice from up front that suddenly spoke up, barely drowning out the sound of hundreds of running feet slapping at the ground. “Oh, yes. I forgot to mention. I am Satotz, your first phase examiner and I am to lead you to the second phase.” There were a few rumbles from multiple people- he couldn’t understand them for how quiet they were, not that he cared to- but they were soon cut off as Satotz spoke again. “The first phase has already begun. If you’re able to follow me to where the second phase is located, you’ll have passed the first test. I can’t tell you where or when we’ll arrive. You must be content with following me.”

“That doesn’t sound too hard,” Jasper hummed, tugging his hood down lower so it wouldn’t fly off his head with the subtle pace increase. He’d just have to focus on remembering to follow the examiner… who he totally didn’t remember. What did the guy look like again? He’d definitely seen him… probably.

“An endurance test,” Drab huffed. “I’m down! Where he goes, I go!”

“This test is weird,” Greenie said at the same time blondie muttered something under his breath.

Not a moment later someone shot by him, almost knocking into his arm as they bypassed Greenie and Drab. Drab immediately responded with offense, telling the… kid? Yea, definitely another kid. That was pretty cool! He didn’t often get the chance to see kids around his own age. Oh, right, Drab was telling him that riding his wheeled board wasn’t allowed. What was that thing anyway? He’d never seen anything like it… that he remembered anyway.

 It’s possible he had seen it before but it wasn’t ringing any bells. Must not be too important even if it looked like a lot of fun.

“Why?” 

Jasper turned his attention back to the kid instead of the thing he was riding. He sounded bored, with maybe a hint of curiosity? Or perhaps Jasper was pushing his own emotions into this interaction. Because… he’d like to know why too.

“Why!? Because it’s an endurance test! That’s cheating!” Drab really seemed like he needed anger management. What a hot-head.

Greenie piped up, stealing Jasper’s -admittedly flighty- attention. “No, it’s not. He just said we have to follow him, didn’t he?”

Right. They were following someone and it was important.

“Whose side are you on, Gon!?”

“You should just drop it, Leorio,” Blondie sighed. Huh. Jasper had almost forgotten about him. He was a quiet one, wasn’t he? “You’re just being noisy now. You should conserve energy-”

“Hey. Why are we running again?”

“SERIOUSLY!?”

“We’re following the examiner for Phase One of the Hunter Exam,” Greenie dutifully explained with a grin.

“Hey thanks,” Jasper responded happily. He knew that Greenie would have his back! After all, they were both hunting family!

“Hey, you two.”

Jasper glanced at the boy on the wheeled board who had called for their attention. He had striking white hair and deep blue eyes. Huh… those eyes actually reminded him of Ma. He had a feeling that he wouldn’t be forgetting this kid, or at least not his eyes, any time soon. Not to mention that he seemed strong for his age! Jasper couldn’t exactly put his finger on what it was but there was definitely something about Whitey that was giving off danger vibes.

“How old are you guys?”

Jasper blinked but readily answered. There was no harm in it after all. “I’m twelve.”

“I’m almost twelve,” Greenie chirped. “Wow! Jas, I didn’t know we were so close in age!”

How old did the boy think he was? He wasn’t that much shorter than him!

“Just like me,” Whitey murmured. “Alright. I’ll run too.”

There was a ‘tak’ and suddenly the other boy was hopping up into the air, the wheeled board beneath him flipping up as well. It was neatly caught in one pale hand and Jasper couldn’t help but admire the skill that probably went into that. 

“Cool!” It seemed Greenie couldn’t help but to admire it as well. Maybe this boy would be another one to keep around? But he didn’t seem nearly so gullible or helpful as Gon. He’d probably have to give the boy a really good reason. Hm.

“I’m Killua.”

“Gon!”

Oh, there were introductions. Was he included in this? Whitey had called out to them both, right? He was remembering that correctly? 

“And you?” 

“Oh, Jasper.” So, he did remember! Weird thing to remember… Maybe it had to do with the eyes? They were really sticking with him! Whatever, he couldn’t control his brain. But he should probably warn Whitey about himself. If he stuck around, all the better, if he didn’t… well, not like it mattered. “I won’t remember you in a few minutes.”

Whitey frowned at him quizzically. “What do you mean?”

“I have a bad memory,” he stated blandly.

“I’ve been reminding him why we’re here,” Gon laughed.

“Oh. Is that why you asked why we were running earlier?”

Jasper tilted his head in thought. “I asked that?”

“Huh. You’re weird.” There was a smile on Whitey’s face so Jasper took no offence. “And what about you, mister?”

This was directed to a man dressed in a very drab suit running next to Gon. Jasper turned his head to look at him. Had he been there the whole time? Well, it wasn’t any wonder that he’d hardly noticed him considering how boring and dull his attire was. But still… why was  Whitey including him? Was this someone that Jasper had forgotten?

“Oi! I’m not that old! I’m from the same generation as you!”

All four of them skidded to a stop.

There was a vague thought of ‘ Oh, a hot head ,’ floating in the back of his mind but mostly his brain had frozen in absolute shock because- What!? There was no way this guy with rough facial hair, dorky looking glasses, and dressed in a suit made for the most boring people in the world, could be from the same generation! That would make Mr. Drab a teenager at the oldest and he refused to believe that!

“Are you sure!?” Thank you Greenie for voicing his thoughts because his own vocals were petrified. Just… just how!?

“Argh! That’s it, Gon! I’m finished talking to you,” Mr. Drab screeched, and yea… definitely had a temper this one. It was probably best to just… forget this entire thing had happened.

Almost mechanically, Jasper turned away and started running again… or maybe sprinting was better. The faster he was away, the better. In this instance he was glad that he’d be forgetting that encounter really soon. Instead, he just focused on running and running and running and running and… 

Why was he running again?

Jasper frowned. He was running in a group of people and he was obviously here for a reason. And it obviously had to do with finding his family because… why else would he be doing something like this? From the gentle burn starting in his legs, he’d been running for a while but he just couldn’t figure out why he’d be… just running. And in a crowd at that. He hated being so close to people and larger groups always made him nervous. Especially because they were all adults! Why was he running in a cluster of adult males!?

Jasper took a sharp breath in and held it, before letting it slowly. Panic was never a good thing. He just needed to think.

There was always something that he did when he was confused like this. Because sadly these bad days were becoming more common than he’d truly like. There wasn’t much he could do about that except… except… maybe writing it down? But where could he write- 

Oh! His phone! With a giddy excitement filling his chest at remembering that crucial detail, Jasper reached into his pouch. Mentally, he patted his less forgetful self on the back for always having his own back. The pouch was the only place he could store things so he couldn’t possibly forget where he put it. There were a few other things in there that he paid no attention too, instead latching onto the slim brick that was his phone.

He pulled it out and held it out in front of him, looking over the set up quickly. He couldn’t quite remember how to turn it on so he just started pressing buttons until the screen lit up. He grinned at it. There was nothing else on the screen except for a red notebook so he tapped it, opening up his most recent notes.

HUNTER EXAM

Get on boat

Listen to Captain. Captain has biggest hat.

Get to Zaban City

Do not get on busses

Find other examinees?

Made it. Don’t forget Hunter Exams!

FOLLOW PURPLE HAIR

That was it? Okay so he was doing the Hunter Exam… probably for information. Every goal he had was to get back to his family and a Hunter License would certainly help. But… who was purple hair? Is that why everyone was running-

“Oof!” Jasper slammed into someone’s back, sending his phone flying out of his hands as he twisted around them so he wouldn’t fall onto his butt and lose momentum. He fumbled to catch it but instead sent it spinning forward through the air as he knocked it with the back of his hand. It smacked into a wild tuft looking head of red hair. Then it was snatched out of the air by a pale hand tipped with some rather sharp looking nails and-

Oh. What- what was that feeling? It made his stomach churn and bile build in his throat and-

“Hey, watch it rookie!”

His eyes darted back to the man he’d bumped into and he couldn’t help but frown. He was a short squat man with scruff on his face and a nasty sneer hidden in his eyes, with a gleeful tilt to his mouth. Automatically he marked this- his eyes darted down to the numbered badge as everything else was unremarkable about him- #16 as a threat. Maybe not a major one... But he honestly hoped he remembered this later. Why couldn’t he have a normal brain?

“Don’t just stop in front of people then, gramps,” Jasper huffed, completely put out by this situation.

“Gramps!? Hey, you little-”

Ignoring the grasping hands and irritated face, he slipped away from the annoying man and sped back up to catch up with the crowd. He needed to… to… what exactly was he doing before? He’d been checking his phone, right?

His hand slipped down to his pouch but it wasn’t there. Where…?

His stomach lurched and that horrible feeling came back, making black spots dance in front of him as his head pounded. 

“I believe you owe me an apology, little rat~.”

“Ah.” That’s right. It had slipped from his fingers and this man- this man that was suddenly right next to him- in his space!

How was he running bent over like that!?

Thankfully, while his brain was stuck on the invasion of personal space and the painful looking running position, his auto-mouth kicked in with a small, “Sorry.”

“Now, that doesn’t sound very sincere~! Want to try again?”

Jasper couldn’t help the hitch in his stride as his muscles started clenching on their own. His breath caught in his throat and his heart started beating a mile a minute as that horrible sickening feeling grew stronger. He’d never felt like this before! Never! What was this!?

It was like he was losing control of his body! Nothing made sense except the need to run and run but he was already running! He was running and it didn’t stop, he was running and it was still there, the jaws of a predator, sharp teeth, warm blood dripping and dripping-

It felt like death incarnate was standing next to him and nothing would ever be okay again- 

He was back in the dark, and the hands, and the screams-

He’d never find his family because he’d be dead- 

His lungs hurt, his limbs hurt, he hurt, hurt, hurt-

Chapter Text

He was slightly disappointed so far. This year, just like the last, had no interesting fruits to be plucked, though he was still holding out hope for a few unripe ones to show up. But the rest… why, they were all just rotten or overripe! Just his luck…

Well, if nothing else his very~ good friend, Illumi, was here to brighten his day. And the tiny untouchable fruit that was his brother was wandering somewhere in the crowd too, of course. But no matter how much he wanted to go looking, to assess the potential of that forbidden fruit, doing so outside of the parameters of the Hunter Exam Phases would just set off Illumi… and as much fun as he’d get out of a true fight from that one-! It really wasn’t worth it because then he’d just have unhappy Zoldycks after him. He wanted glorious, visceral fights, not to be hunted like a wolf, thank you very much.

As the exam began- and it turned out to be something very boring for the first phase, ugh- Hisoka decided to start searching a different way. If he had scared the little fruits into hiding with his earlier show, well, then he’d just have to sniff them out. He started with gentle bursts of Ren (causing quite a few contestants to trip over themselves to get away) but ended up hooking nothing. That was fine. They could still be scared~. He was very scary after all. So he sent out a wave of En, and, oooohhh!

He should have done that earlier!

There were quite a few pings, most were latent but that was fine because he was only looking for potential right now. Hisoka hummed as he narrowed in on the few people he’d managed to tag with his En. One was unsurprisingly, Illumi- who’d brushed his nen away with annoyance, knowing exactly what he was doing- so he ignored him and moved on. Another was the examiner, also not a surprise, but up near the front and close to the Hunter examiner was a bald man who, he vaguely remembered, had been telling anyone and everyone who would listen that he was a ninja. He’d keep an eye on him but he was latent, not even a single aura node open. 

Near the back was a cluster of four, no five? Yes, five. He’d have to get closer to them to figure out their potential separately. But he made sure to try to memorize their unique feelings before moving on. There were one or two latents next to him but considering how they’d all scurried away before he really had no interest in them. With not even a spark of will they were useless to him. Fruits that looked appetizing on the outside but were quite sour when you took a bite. He’d run into plenty of those and they always left him feeling more bloodthirsty than usual. That just wouldn’t do so early on! 

Now for the only other awakened nen user… Hm. He was closer to the back, not quite as far as the little cluster but Hisoka would only need to slow down his rhythm a bit and he’d be close in just a few minutes~!

Waiting was always such a delicious torture! Hisoka had learned the hard way that patience paid off more than instant gratification. He’d never get to see a fruit ripen if he couldn’t learn the art of restraint, after all. Mmm, but that didn’t mean he didn’t suffer in the interim. His excitement  for the hunt could get so painful and yet it felt so goood-

Something thunked into the back of his head, pulling him from his thoughts. There’d been no malicious intent… or any type of intent really. An accident perhaps? Still, how annoying to pull him away from his thoughts so rudely. He glanced down at his hand that had snatched up the offending object almost automatically. It was a rather expensive phone with a writing application open. And an… interesting list? It almost seemed like a reminder list. Hm.

He glanced behind him to see where it had come from and- oh. Oh! One of the little clusters' fruits was separated from the bunch! Not only that but, he was not nearly so latent as he’d thought earlier. Definitely not fully awakened but enough that it snagged Hisoka’s attention. He could check out the awakened later, they’d be easier to find after all (as long as they didn’t use Zetsu but they hadn’t yet so far-). Right now he had a precious little ripening fruit to go check out~!

He dropped back with a blissful hum, making sure to fall into step with the tiny little fruit. The little thing was completely covered with a beige desert robe, much too large for them but it looked like the bottom had been hemmed sloppily. Hmm. A little desert thief mayhap? It wouldn’t explain the phone, though… unless that was stolen too? My, my, he might have a quick one on his hands! Yes, he could see it now, a little desert rat scurrying to and fro collecting new items with each person passed. And if the little thief didn’t just give him the most wonderful reminder of that fight he’s so longingly waiting for, hmmmm~!

He licked his lips, heat stirring in his lower gut. But he couldn’t be distracted now!

Hisoka forced his mind back onto the little rat in front of him and allowed a smirk to settle on his lips. Time to see just how much potential this unripe fruit had.

Keeping his pace even with shorter strides to match the little one’s pace, he bent lower aiming to get a glance under the hood. And if it put him closer than most people would be comfortable with? Well, discomfort was just a fact of life and he’d love to see how the child- they were definitely young and not just small, their nen gave them away- handled it. Would they fluster? Would they ignore it?

“I believe you owe me an apology, little rat~.”

“Ah.” Their voice was a little raspy but neither high nor low in pitch. Hm, no gender given away there. Ah well, not too important. It’s not like he truly cared about gender, he only wanted the thrill of the fight. They continued flatly, “Sorry.”

Hm. They seemed to be in control outwardly but standing this close he could feel the little fluctuations in their nen. He actually was making them uncomfortable. 

Well now. He wanted to see if he could crack their exterior. Make them turn towards him, acknowledge him as the very real threat that he is. So, he let his bloodthirst leak into his aura and pushed a little Ren to wrap around the kid.

“Now, that doesn’t sound very sincere~! Want to try again?”

There it was! A hitch in his breath, stumbling steps and-

Hisoka was not at all ready for the sudden blast of nen to spike dangerously close to his face as if it was trying to actually snap at him. Then it was gone, instead wrapping around the child in a cloak of Ten. 

How-?

Hisoka stared, golden eyes wide, only still running because his body had fallen into auto-pilot the moment the surprise had stalled his higher cognitive functions. After a moment of staring, his breath hitched and his tongue wet his lips. That heat was back in his gut, his pants tightening because-

This one was interesting!

Most of the kid’s aura nodes were still partially closed but the ones around his head and neck had blasted open, swirling with snapping Ren that had solidified into an instinctive Ten. It was enough to send examinees around them flinching back, and make Hisoka lean forward eagerly. He was bent in half now, a small grin threatening to split his face. An anomaly! How rare! How sweet and perfect and waltzing right towards being edible~! This one deserved his attention certainly!

“Give me my phone.”

Oh? The voice was different. Deeper and smoother and with an accent that he couldn’t immediately place. The hood turned towards him and he saw a flash of bared teeth set in a pale snarl.

“But you still haven’t apologized~,” he whined, tilting his body awkwardly towards the child. It made his back and abdomen burn to hold such a position but it was worth it because now he could see under the hood. Most of the child’s face was cast in shadow but he could make out gorgeously defiant green eyes set in naturally wide sockets. That look just made him all shivery inside and a small pleased moan passed his lips.

“That look~! How splendid!”

Those eyes went wide before narrowing, disgust settling heavily onto the hidden lines of their face. “A pervert. Lovely. Give me my phone before I bash your skull into the wall.”

“Well, now you’re just trying to get me worked up,” Hisoka purred in return. A violent little thing. How marvelous! “Why don’t you try it~!”

There were a few moments that dragged on into eternity of the child just watching him, contemplating. Despite the rigidity of Ten hiding the major conflict, Hisoka could still feel each emotion as close as he was. Eventually the warring settled back down into determination. He waited, keeping his running steady, curious to see what the child would do. He didn’t have to wait long at all.

Lashing out with a rough kick to the ankles as a distraction, nimble fingers tried reaching out to snatch the phone from his hand. Hisoka hummed pleasantly, letting it happen, though he hopped deftly over the kick. When the child had latched onto the phone, there was a grunt of surprise when it wouldn’t move from his hand. Bungee Gum was ever so useful for keeping little rat’s from stealing things after all.

“What-”

Hisoka’s other hand reached out, quick as a viper, and snatched the wrist attached to the hand trying to futilely tug the phone from him. He felt the bones grind beneath the skin, Ten being the only thing protecting the rat’s wrist from snapping. Hm, there was no padding there either, almost literally skin and bones. What an unhealthy little thing. That wouldn't do! He’d have to keep a closer eye than he thought so his new little anomaly didn’t die from starvation. Though, they’d made it this far. A contemplation for another time then.

“Let go!”

Hisoka chuckled, straightening up so he had the little rat hanging by his wrist, his pale forearm on display as the sleeve slid down. Quite a few interesting scars, some silvery and small, one a botchy purple cut in three jagged lines like claw marks, and even one an angry red that wrapped around the base of the forearm closest to the elbow, looking suspiciously like a mottled handprint. Obviously not a happy life… or at the very least not a safe one. How perfect, like a little diamond still being pressurized. 

The child barely made it to his hip so Hisoka lifted them straight off the ground with ease. He let the phone go, letting it stay attached to the thief’s hand with bungee gum for now, but kept up the punishing grip on the wrist still caught in his other hand. The magician lifted them even further until they were face to face, the little kicking legs doing absolutely no damage to his abdomen. He allowed the punch to his face, not stopping his lip from splitting open on his teeth. Unconsciously licking his lips again at the beautiful sight in front of him, Hisoka relished the tinge of iron on his tongue. So much anger and burning defiance! So much fight~!

“That’s not very nice, little rat~!”

“Shut up, pervert! Let me- ack!”

Hisoka squeezed just a bit harder, relishing the crunching under his hand and the even brighter glow of hatred and fear forming on the child’s face. “All I asked for was a little apology. Were you not taught any manners~?”

“I know my manners fine,” the child breathed with contempt. “You just don’t deserve them!”

“Oh~! I like you,” he replied, eyes rolling back a bit, a shudder running down his spine. It was going to be uncomfortable running for a while after this. Ah, the sacrifices he made for his little fruits! “Do be safe, hm? It would be such a shame if you were to die early!”

With an amused chuckle, he sharpened his bloodlust and flooded it in front of him. Despite the Ten still wrapped around the small form, the rat froze at such concentrated malice directed at them. Hisoka dropped them after that, chuckling as they practically collapsed to the ground with their phone clutched tightly in their white knuckled grip.

Now~ wasn’t he hunting another active nen user earlier~?

“Jas! Are you alright?”

He startled, sucking in a deep breath of air. He was… on the ground? Why was he on the ground? What was he even doing before this? It had been something-

A shiver of terror ran down his spine and Jasper tried to chase the memory. If he was this scared he should know! He needed to know to avoid it! But, it vanished like smoke between his mental fingers.

“Tired already? That’s lame.”

What…? What had he been doing…? It was like… he was caught in a fog. So different from how he normally just didn’t remember. This felt more like he was wading through mud to even think, let alone remember.

“No, he’s not tired. I think something is wrong…”

His head was starting to pound between his ears, his heartbeat sounding like a deafening drum. There were noises around him indicating people and he knew that he should focus on them- never leave yourself defenseless!- but he just couldn’t. It was toomuchtoomuchtoomuch-

“Jas-”

And there was a hand on his shoulder. That was enough to startle him into action. He was at a disadvantageous position on his hands and knees like this but he’d been in worse! He just had to go for the weak points!

He leaned his weight on one hand ( his arm throbbed and throbbed owowowowow ), lashing out with the other to catch the wrist attached to the hand. He dug his nail into the soft underside and there was a small yelp but- but- No tugging. He couldn’t use them to pull himself up because they’d gone really really still and-

He was still scared? But not? Because-

There was nothing wrong. Nothing but his head pounding and too many people- loudloudloud-

In front of him was safe, what he held… he held- 

“Jas?”

For the first time since waking up on the ground, he opened his eyes and glanced up, catching sight of greengreengreen. He couldn’t remember this boy but the boy knew his name and green seemed safe. Green was- green was nice.

“Jasper. What happened?”

He could say. He could but he didn’t know. So, he couldn’t. More importantly-

“Who are you,” he rasped.

The boy in front of him blinked but smiled anyway ( safenicesafe ). “My name is Gon! You’re at the Hunter Exam to find your family!”

“I am?”

Another boy stepped closer before crouching down into a squat. His blue eyes -those sparked a memory, important important , but he just couldn’t grasp it right now- were studying him with detached curiosity. There was a board with wheels attached to one side clutched under his arm and his hands were stuck in the pockets of his shorts. “Wow… you look really out of it.”

“What happened, Jasper,” Gon asked again.

“I… I don’t remember. I was- I was scared. And… that’s it.”

And he hated that he couldn’t remember! It was important, he knew it was!

“Well… I’m gonna keep going. Are you guys coming?”

Gon- he totally wasn’t going to remember that… but the color green? He could do that. Greenie maybe?- nodded and stood up, staring down at him with a kind grin wrist still held in Jasper’s hand. Oh. He let go sheepishly. “C’mon! We’re still fine. We haven’t even gotten to the back of the group yet. Whatever happened must have happened recently because you haven’t been here long. Maybe we can figure it out!”

He blinked at the sheer sunshine pouring from Greenie’s pores. It was almost blinding but at the same time so very attractive. Jasper found himself smiling without much internal input. “Yea. Yeah I think I’d like that. Thanks Gree- er… Gon. I’m not gonna remember your name by the way.”

A snort came from Whitey’s direction -because seriously how many young people had white hair like that?- but Gon just laughed and waved it off. “I already told you I’d keep reminding you! I don’t mind.”

“If you’re sure.”

Jasper had always been alone after he’d been separated from his family. It was safer that way. Adults weren’t to be trusted and kids were cruel. But… Gon seemed different. He seemed safe. And for once, Jasper found himself actually wanting to get along with someone. Gon could still have his uses- he’d already proven it by reminding him why he was here… apparently multiple times- but he really liked the boy himself.

He wondered if they could become friends.

Gon was… a little worried.

He’d had so much fun getting here and his new friends were really competent. Even if he’d had to stop for Leorio earlier the man had eventually gotten his steam back and plowed right back into the running contestants with even more energy than at the start. And that was great! Kurapika was doing just fine in front of them and Killua hadn’t even started sweating.

But Jasper…

Well, he’d been excited to greet him in the beginning. It wasn’t that all rookies should team up but when he first saw his cloaked form, he’d noted exactly how small the rookie was. And if Tonpa was going to greet him, well, it was fine if Gon did too, right? Making friends was nice, he’d discovered.

And when he first introduced himself, Gon had immediately liked him. He was bright and straightforward. That was something that Gon understood easily! He’d thought, then and there, that he was going to have another friend. There was just something about the boy that he really liked! And he still felt like Jasper was going to be his friend… which was why he was so worried. 

He’d only left them for a little bit, not even half an hour most likely. And then- and then he and Killua had found Jasper on the concrete shaking so hard he almost looked like a giant noiseless rattle. And Gon just knew that Jas was terrified. In that moment the older boy had been less than human. And yet, Gon couldn’t stop himself from reaching out anyway. He knew, of course, that animals backed into a corner would lash out so it was hardly a surprise when he ended up with a hand wrapped around his wrist and nails digging in deep. He couldn’t stop the pained yelp but beyond that, he’d not moved an inch. No threatening moves but no fearful ones either. He knew he was bleeding too but there was little that could be done about it at that point. It would be easy to wipe away later.

And- 

It worked. Suddenly, Jas was back and it seemed like things were going to be okay again!

Except. Well.

Jas seemed to be forgetting much more quickly and he kept zoning out. Killua was sending glances over constantly, his eyebrows furrowed with wary curiosity. Gon would probably feel the same if he wasn’t so worried!

What exactly had happened?

He almost seemed- seemed... like Old Man Greg.

His Aunt Mito had told him once that Old Man Greg had been hurt a lot in his past and sometimes he would get stuck in his head, sucked into the past that hurt him.

Gon couldn’t be exactly sure it was the same… the memory loss was kind of... unique… but if it was anything like that, he’d have to be careful. Maybe instead of leaving Jas in silence he should engage him more? Or would that make it worse? 

No. He’d seemed to trust him earlier when he’d been scared (and that trust made him feel really warm and fuzzy!) so it should be okay. It would just be tricky because of the memory thing. Well! He could just carry on as he has been and keep reminding him!

Simple!

“So Jas! You want to be a hunter for your family, right?”

Killua glanced over again, blue eyes settling on the cloaked figure trailing behind Gon almost mindlessly.

“Huh? Oh… Hunter Exam? Uh. Yes.”

Before Gon could say anything more probing, Killua cut in. “Hey. How do you remember your family if you can’t even remember our names?”

It was quite a moment before the other boy answered. “The only thing I truly remember is my family. When I was young… we were separated. I don’t… remember what happened. But I’m pretty sure I’ve been looking for them ever since.”

Gon hummed. Sounded pretty tough. He would probably be looking for Aunt Mito if they were separated when he was younger too! 

“But I still don’t get how you can live without remembering anything,” Killua huffed, a frown on his lips as he turned to look forward again. Oh. There were a bunch of stairs coming up in front of them. 

“It’s not like… I forget everything. I mean… I do… but I also don’t. Like! I remember that green is safe!” A small finger poked him in the back and Gon blinked in surprise, turning back to glance at the shadowed chin he could see beneath the hood. Green? Did Jasper mean him? Wow! That was really cool. So even if Jas couldn’t remember his name, he could remember that he knew Gon?  “Colors are easy usually. And there are some things that I do over and over and over so that I can do it even without remembering! Like my phone. I write in it to help me. But even remembering I had a phone took… a while. Probably.”

“Huh. That’s really weird.”

“I’m not… usually this bad? I think? I can’t be. I’m pretty sure this is a bad day. A really bad day but I can’t tell you how I know.”

Jasper fell silent and Gon glanced back again before looking over to Killua. The white haired boy had his head tilted back, running up the steps with ease as he stared at the ceiling with a hum. He didn’t seem inclined to say anything more so Gon took it upon himself to continue the distracting conversation. “Would you tell us about your family?”

“Huh? Why… why would I do that?”

Jasper sounded far more confused than before and Gon figured he’d forgotten again. “Because I’m Gon, and this is Killua! We’re friends and I’m taking this exam to find my family too!”

“Friends?” Jasper’s voice was hesitant, confused. And in the corner of his eye, Gon could see Killua staring at him with wide eyes.

“Uh-huh!” 

Of course they were his friends. They were almost the same age, they were taking the Hunter Exam together, and they both seemed really cool! It would be pretty great to have friends his own age!

“Friends…” It was soft and he almost didn’t hear it. “I’ve never had friends… I don’t think.”

“That’s okay! You have me now,” Gon responded cheerfully.

If both of his new friends were quiet after that, well... Gon could give them space. He’d just ask more about them later! Distractions were better for now. “Oh, look. I didn’t notice we were so close to the front.”

“It’s because of the rhythm. Going the fastest is easier and less tiring but people don’t realize that. The Hunter Exams seems really accessible… but really, it’s no joke. I’m impressed you’re both able to keep up with me,” Killua answered. When Gon looked over there was an almost unnoticeable smile on his lips.

“Really? Well… you know me and Jas are looking for our family. Why do you want to be a Hunter, Killua?”

“I don’t want to be a Hunter per se,” the other boy responded with an easy shrug. “I just thought the exam sounded like a challenge and would be fun. But, besides getting here, it’s been disappointing so far.”

Well… there was nothing wrong with that! And Gon had had a lot fun getting to the exams. It had been a little less challenging than expected but no less fun for it. And he was making friends! Maybe Killua just needed to hang around them, he seemed less bored than before anyhow.

“Why are we talking about Hunters?”

Gon and Killua glanced back in surprise before Killua snorted. Gon laughed, bringing up a hand to rub at the back of his head. He definitely wasn’t going to go back on his word but he was having to remind Jas a lot more than he thought he would. Oh well! Maybe tomorrow would be a better day for the older boy. But for now-

“We’re talking about why we want to be Hunters! I want to become a Hunter like my dad so I can find him one day!”

Chapter Text

Jasper glanced around the fog laden area, paying only half a mind to the two arguing boys behind him. Arguing over who got to buy dinner… arguing over who placed first in their silly little sprint… It made him smile.

Greenie and Whitey. 

Whitey and Greenie. 

They were important. He just- just had to remember that. He wanted so badly to remember that. But he wouldn’t. And soon enough he’d have to be reminded again. How many times would it take for them to get annoyed? How many more times before he was on his own again?

Jasper pursed his lips. The boys were much too useful. He couldn’t allow himself to forget.

He held up his phone that he’d forgotten to even put away- how had he not noticed he’d been running with it in his hand the whole time, ugh- and started typing while he still could.

Milsy Wetlands. Killua glanced out over the revealed landscape. Seemed like somewhere his mom would have used for him as a training ground when he was younger if mustache man was right. A whole muddy forest based on trickery and deceit. That would have been one hell of a training run.

His lips quirked up. This was more like it. So much more fun than running through a boring tunnel.

“Take care not to be surprised and do your best to follow me,” the examiner said.

Like that would be hard. At least he had met Gon. He was weird, different. But that made him fun. So, even if Killua got too fed up with the exam itself, he’d hang around to stick with his new… friend.

And- He could already feel his lips twitch up at just the thought. Killua was pretty sure you didn’t become friends with someone right after meeting them… but if Gon wanted to claim him as a friend, well… he wasn’t exactly complaining. He’d never had friends after all so it would be interesting!

Which… reminded him of the other person Gon had claimed as a friend. 

Jasper.

The boy was… weird. And Killua still wasn’t sure if it was in a good way yet. He glanced around, catching sight of the robed kid fiddling with his phone next to Gon and paying (or perhaps only looking like it?) absolutely no attention to any of the other examinees around him. Memory problems that severe should have crippled someone and yet here he was, having somehow made it to the Hunter Exams. But even Jasper had said he normally wasn’t this bad, which begged the question of why he was currently suffering so harshly. Did bad days just happen ? Or were they triggered? If so, what were the triggers? And why had they been set off right before the exam?

Killua leaned more towards the trigger theory considering the state they’d found the boy in earlier but that still left the question of what the trigger was. Was it fear? Jasper had said that’s all he’d remembered, so it could be pretty solid. Or maybe it was something else they just couldn’t see because Jasper couldn’t remember .

Not for the first time since meeting the cloaked boy, Killua thought about how annoying memory problems were. As a Zoldyck, trained since infancy, he hardly had any memory problems except natural degradation and even that was limited because he’d been constantly tested over and over to keep his brain sharp. To run into it now, to be lacking so much information- it was frustrating… but also intriguing. Like a mystery puzzle that was begging to be solved. Or as Milluki might say, a puzzle game set on expert mode.

So, maybe Killua didn’t want to claim Jasper as a friend like he happily did with Gon, but he could admit to himself that he wanted to hang around the other boy more. There was potential there… maybe. Leaving Gon to deal with the annoying repetition stuff took away most of his problems with dealing with the boy anyway.

“That’s false! He’s lying to you guys!”

Killua blinked, pulled from his thoughts as he glanced over to the new voice. Hm. The way he was holding himself seemed much too lax for the kind of injury he had. His breathing should have been a little more difficult with a chest injury but the guy was yelling and pointing just fine.

“He’s lying to you guys! He’s not an examiner because I’m the examiner!”

Ah. This had to be one of those deceit things, Killua thought with a scoff. It was super obvious. If this guy was the examiner, he would have been there to pick them up. Not to mention it made him seem really weak to get so beaten by one single beast that relied on trickery.

Except… all the adults were murmuring amongst themselves, confusion evident, distrust brewing. Killua couldn’t resist rolling his eyes. Were adults actually this dumb? It was insane!

And then the fake examiner pulled out a monkey with the examiner’s face, plus mouth ( which, how did he eat? Was his mustache his mouth? Was it hiding under his mustache? Could he just phase food past his skin? Was it only an illusion and it was actually just a gaping hole? ), and Killua sighed harshly through his nose. He ignored whatever was going on and instead turned to observe how Gon and Jasper were handling it. Which was why, when the bloodlust spiked he got to witness Jasper freeze, fingers unconsciously clutching at his phone as they shook harshly. Even with paper white skin of his knuckles got even paler with blood loss. 

He noted that reaction carefully and looked up to see cards embedded in the liar’s corpse and… Mustache holding some between his fingers. 

“I see, I see. That settles it then.”

That voice made his teeth clench. It was that clown from earlier in the day. He was shuffling a deck of cards expertly, a smug smirk on his lips as his hand lashed out. There was another thump and Killua caught sight of the ape, the one that had been dragged over and pretending to be dead, lying sprawled further away with a card embedded in his skull. He sucked in a breath.

D̶̘̩̗̥͗̈̏̏ą̷̨̻̩̞̺͎͔̈́n̴̢̼̫̩̙͖̟̉̿̈́̇́̋̃̚͜͠g̷̡̡̘̦͓͙̻̤̤̮͆͒̈́͑̅͘͠e̴͓͌͌̑̄͆̏̾͝ͅṛ̴̨̡̛̹̮̰͈̰̻͂͑́͘õ̸̞̳̫̺̰̫̆u̸̙̻̙̝̻̰͇̺̙̱͛͆͐̽̾̔͋s̵͙̅̈́͝

“He’s the true examiner,” the clown hummed, looking at mustache man. The examiner carelessly dropped the cards he’d caught. “A true Hunter would never be caught by such a paltry attack.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.” The examiner’s voice was as cool as before, not even the slightest bit rattled. Killua admired that. “However, if you attack me again for any reason, you’ll be disqualified. Is that understood?”

“Yes~ Yes~.”

When he swallowed, his throat was a bit tighter than expected and when he blinked, his eyes were dry and burning. What a terrifying man that clown must be to have bloodlust like that at the drop of a hat. Not that Killua couldn’t do that as well but he was an assassin! It was different. His wasn’t nearly as potent.

He turned back to Jasper only to witness Gon standing in front of the boy, waving a hand in front of the robes’s hood with a concerned expression. “Gon?”

His friend looked up and gave a small embarrassed smile. “I don’t know what’s wrong with him… but we probably shouldn’t touch him. I just don’t know how else to get his attention.”

Killua… was pretty sure he knew what was wrong. He glanced back at the clown and-

Shivered as golden eyes caught his own before flickering over to Jasper and-

Was that a tongue licking his lips!? What the hell kind of expression was that!?!?

The young Zoldyck immediately turned back and was absolutely positive that Jasper had had a run in with clown man. And the result was a terrified young boy hiding from a pervert. Gross!

He had the sudden urge to keep a closer eye on the older boy. No kid deserved that kind of attention! Even Illumi had warned him about that stuff and if that wasn’t enough of an indicator for how bad it was… 

Killua was only thankful that Jas’ mind remembered subconsciously based on his reaction alone. It could, of course, have been the bloodlust, but he had a feeling that wasn’t it. Now he just needed to keep the idiot with the brain of a literal goldfish away from a dangerously powerful pervert. No problems.

Hey… Goldfish wasn’t a bad nickname. It was pretty accurate. Or maybe Peanut? He was small despite being older and with his memory capacity that was probably about the size of his brain. 

He’d have to think about it more.

For now. “Just clap in front of his face or something.”

“Let’s go to the front. We should keep an eye on the examiner,” Whitey said, throwing a glance behind them as the fog thickened. Jasper glanced at his phone again. Well, if his past self thought it was worth it to trust these two, he probably should. Greenie was quick to agree so Jasper had no problems with it. “We should really get away from Hisoka. He’ll probably use the haze to mask his kills. He feels really impatient.”

He wondered who this Hisoka was-

“Ha,” Whitey laughed, and though Jasper could not see his face as he was jogging behind Greenie, he could feel the mocking in it. “You shoulda seen your face! I can tell because we’re the same type. So, I can feel it.”

“The same type? I couldn’t tell.”

Oh, but Jasper could. He could not tell which of the examinees Hisoka was, and really did not care to find out as he’d just forget the name soon anyways, but he could certainly feel the malicious intent behind him. (He was trying his hardest to ignore it, to not shiver and hide and crycrycry-) And though Whitey was not currently releasing the same feeling, he could just tell there was something dangerous about the boy.

“You shouldn't rely on appearances. Do you understand,” Whitey hummed, sounding slightly scolding.

“Ah.” And then Greenie fell back a bit, making sure not to bump into Jasper, before yelling, “Leorio, Kurapika! Killua says it’s better to be in front!”

There were some shouted responses but Jasper did not pay them much mind, instead glancing at his phone again. The list he had made was simple in the beginning until it got to the most recent entry.

Trust… He didn’t really have much of that so why would he decide to trust these boys. He’d even written physical descriptions of them so he could find them later! That was… well, he wasn’t sure if he had ever done that before and he wasn’t about to go through all his past entries to find out but- 

It didn’t seem like normal behavior for him. Maybe they had impressed him with their usefulness? It was pretty obvious that Greenie was reminding him again and again whenever he’d ask a clarifying question (though having his phone out for reminders probably made him less annoying, he should just keep it out) which was super helpful. But then why did he use words like ‘trust’ and ‘friend’? They were so little used in his vocabulary they might as well not exist!

Jasper really hated his failing memory. Really really.

He sighed slowly and turned back to paying attention to following Greenie and Whitey. The fog was getting worryingly thick. If he got lost- Well, goodbye License. And he couldn’t afford that.

So-

Of course-

Not even ten minutes later they get eaten by a frog.

A short time later, sitting in the middle of frog stomach acid on the muddy ground, he groaned and let his head thunk forward not caring for the mud that caked onto his face or hood. That had been highly unpleasant for a multitude of reasons. 

Whitey was saying something about juice but he hardly cared at the moment. He just wanted to lie down and sleep. When was the last time he had done that? He had no idea. The writing application didn’t tell him when each update on an entry was made. He could have slept… or he might not have… He honestly couldn’t tell beyond feeling exhausted suddenly.

While bemoaning his own (possibly) sleepless state, Greenie suddenly shot up and took off into the mist. Jasper was so startled that he tried to scramble up after him. The only thing that stopped him was a hand on his shoulder. And it only worked because he flipped around and tried to groin punch Whitey… who he realized was Whitey after already throwing the punch. (And that a groin punch was usually meant for an adult so he would have accidentally throat punched him… er… he had a feeling he should be really happy it hadn’t landed.)

“Huh. That wasn’t half bad. A little slow though.”

Jasper stared for a moment. Throwing a punch that hadn’t even landed shouldn’t hurt, right? “Oops.”

Whitey snorted. “That’s it? Whatever. Anyway, don’t go running off. If you lost Gon we’d never find you again and you wouldn’t remember that you needed to be found. And I’m definitely not wasting time for you.”

Sounded like solid logic. Whitey didn’t seem as safe as Greenie but he’d still been included in his last entry. He double checked to make sure, though. Then he looked at the other kid and blankly asked, “Hunter Exams?”

Blue eyes closed in exasperation. “Yeah. First phase. Your family. Yada yada-” That was extremely unhelpful. He wanted Greenie back. Wait… if he wasn’t back soon was Jasper going to forget about him? Should he make another entry to look for Greenie? “-C’mon. We can still catch up to the examiner and Gon can take care of himself. Way better than you at any rate.”

Well, that was rude. Jasper could handle himself fine. He’d been doing so for years!

“I can take care of myself,” he muttered mutinously.

Whitey looked unimpressed. “Your brain is the size of a peanut and your memory is as fragile as one. Now c’mon, Nutty.”

“Hey! I only half resemble that remark,” Jasper replied smartly. “And my name is not nutty.”

The other boy smirked, blue eyes sparkling (and he liked the color… he missed Ma). He turned away and started walking, hands held behind his head. “I dunno, Nutty seems to fit you! You have mental problems, and your brain is a peanut. I mean… unless you want to be called goldfish?”

“What? No!”

Jasper was appalled. He was not a goldfish! Or a peanut! But Whitey was trotting away before he could argue his case, so he quickly followed.

Kurapika thought a lot, about a multitude of subjects (though it often circled back to avenging his clan, he was first and foremost a seeker of knowledge… He just put that knowledge seeking to use to take down the Phantom Troupe) and that usually required a lot of thinking. If one wanted to actually understand the knowledge, in any case. He didn’t see why one wouldn’t but he was digressing-

Kurapika thought a lot, which led to the hundreds of thought threads currently racing through his head as he ran behind Gon to follow Leorio’s (apparently) unique cologne scent. Some thoughts weren’t all that important- mostly wondering about food and how this or that clansman would like certain things he’d seen. Others were a little more so- wondering about the next phases, thinking over what possible Hunters could be their examiners. And some were at the forefront- mostly circling around the current oddity his interest had chosen to latch onto. Namely, Gon.

He tossed around the little tidbit Gon had imparted about being excited to fight Hisoka and had decided the boy was a budding thrill seeker. Not necessarily a bad thing if handled correctly. It would be pretty useful in a Hunter’s line of work but it could also lead to recklessly dangerous acts. But Gon’s newly budding adrenaline discovery was just a small morsel when compared to the rest of him. First, the original thing to catch his attention, was how good at reading people the kid was. Considering he didn’t come from a terrible background as far as Kurapika could tell, it had to be from something else? Maybe a sense of empathy? Or perhaps, because he’d grown up in the wild, it was a basic animal instinct that was somehow translating over?

So far it had yet to be wrong to a detrimental degree. Except maybe in Tonpa’s case. There was definitely something wrong with the man and the drinks proved it. But Gon had still talked to him nicely… but had never said he trusted him like he had Kurapika and Leorio. Hm. Okay so maybe good sense but no experience? That could be fixed.

And there was his superhuman abilities like his sense of smell and overly strong and dexterous muscles. There were tribes of people that had specific attributes (like Kurapika’s eyes) that set them apart from others but he’d never really heard of any so… generalized as Gon’s. It was more like he was an animal in human skin.

Then there was that… subtle charisma. Kurapika was 100% positive Gon had no idea how easily he drew in people and, so far, hadn’t seemed to notice that he did so with… maybe not good people per se, but at least, not morally reprehensible ones. (It had been a bit of a relief to hear Leorio’s story. It proved Gon’s judgement and charisma wasn’t a fluke. And that Kurapika hadn’t judged the man’s- teenager’s?- kind heart wrong.)

It made him briefly wonder about the two kids that had been with Gon as well. Killua he hadn’t seen much of but Jasper… while their interactions weren’t long, Kurapika had gleaned quite a bit. Trouble forming new memories should have been a larger hamper than the boy was currently showing it to be. The thought had crossed his mind several times now that it could all just be an act and he might have decided to disbelieve it if Gon hadn’t said he was ‘good’. That still didn’t mean it couldn’t be an act but Kurapika was slightly more inclined to trust the tiny boy- and wow, was he tiny, even smaller than Gon.

“We made it in time,” Gon cheered, suddenly sprinting forward.

Kurapika jerked from his thoughts and followed quickly, his chest heaving with exertion. He’d never been the best at endurance even though he could do it ( nothing would break his will ), so he was quite thankful it was finally over. 

He glanced around but found no examiner. Hm. There was nothing to say they passed but also nothing to say they were disqualified. They’d obviously made it to the right place but had they made it in time? He’d just have to act with the assumption that they’d passed...

They found Leorio quickly enough and… he wasn’t really surprised that Leorio couldn’t remember much with the nasty hit he’d taken. He and Gon both agreed it was better if the man didn’t know about Hisoka. Kurapika would hate to have the aspiring doctor get himself killed by going after the murderous man again . Kind hearted, Leorio may be, but even-tempered he was not.

Thankfully the next few minutes were calm because he appreciated the break to sort himself out again. Quick stretches to cool down, and breathing exercises to focus his mind on the important matters. Another few minutes passed and-

“Why is nothing happening,” Gon asked blithely, staring at the large doors that were situated on a small building that sat in the middle of the forest. There was a large clock above it that was ticking ever closer to noon and Kurapika would bet that was when the second phase would start. He was about to say so when someone else answered.

“We can’t get in yet.”

“Ah! Killua,” the eleven year old happily exclaimed, turning to one of the other kids in the exam. Kurapika took a moment to listen to their conversation (Yes, Gon was certainly unique) while looking the other over. No matter how much Gon liked the other, everyone here was still an enemy and he’d like to at least be aware of threats. The closer you let someone in during an exam like this, the more you risked being backstabbed.

Killua honestly didn’t look like too much but there was just something in the way the kid held himself. Like he was bored and these tests weren’t really curing that for him. And he didn’t even look slightly winded or tired after such a long run. That lent a lot more proof to Killua being a lot more dangerous than his appearance suggestion. It didn’t mean that he was a threat but it also didn't exclude that option either

“Well, Nutty and I made it here pretty quickly. We’ve just been hanging out.”

“Who’s… nutty?”

Killua snorted in amusement. “Jasper. ‘Cause he’s a nutcase with a brain as fragile as a peanut. Duh.”

Gon blinked and Kurapika couldn’t help the twitch of his lips. It was actually a rather mean, if amusing, nickname. “Oh! I guess it fits? But I don’t think I’ll call him that.”

“To each their own.” Killua shrugged as if it honestly didn’t bother him. Kurapika couldn’t help but analyze that as well. He did that for a lot of things, seeming unfazed. Was it truly an act or no? Either answer would give him a lot of ground if he ever had to face the boy.

“So, where is Jas anyway?”

“I left him over by that tree and- oh no-”

Kurapika looked over to where the other boys were facing and couldn’t help the nervous frown and the harsh thumping in his chest. Hisoka was over there, smirk as unchanged as ever, talking to the little cloaked boy. The blonde was faced with the sudden urge to run over and rip them apart because that look on the older man’s face seemed absolutely indecent-

And then a clawed finger was pointing in their direction.

Jasper glanced at his phone again before looking around. He couldn’t see anyone with the description written down in the second to last entry. The last one was a simple ‘ Second Phase. Wait to start ’. Whatever that meant. But the one right above it… something about him being friends with two other people here and he could trust them. Except he couldn’t see anyone of their description around.

He sighed and stood up, stretching away the slight ache in his muscles that suggested he’d been doing some kind of physical activity. His right wrist heavily protested the movement and he frowned at it, before dropping the hand with a sigh. Whatever the problem was he could take care of it later. He glanced at the crowd of adults again, seeing no one that fit the physical description he’d provided himself. How annoying. Now he had to decide if he should handle this next part by himself when it started or look for his supposed friends.

Should he bother if he wouldn’t remember shortly? But then he’d look at his phone and probably go through this drama again. He could always delete their entry. What kind of friends were they to leave him alone after all?

Then again… he’d written it for a reason. He’d written… written… he glanced down at his phone. Oh, right. Friends. Hm.

“Having some trouble, little rat?”

He blinked and tilted his head to look at the man that had appeared at his side. How had he not noticed, he was usually better than this! This guy was way too close!

With a wary step back to get some distance, he looked the other over. The man didn’t follow but his amusement practically radiated off of him. Jasper ignored it. He liked his bubble, okay? Personal space was a thing and he respected it and would like his respected in return. 

He returned to observing, giving himself a slight shake out of his own thoughts before he was too distracted and ended up forgetting this guy was even talking to him. A… strange costume this man was wearing, all poofy, contrasted by slimming bits in areas like the waist and ankles. It made the man look larger than he probably was underneath those clothes. Definitely a showy guy. And his hair was redredredred -

He sucked in a careful breath. “Uh. Who are you?”

“You don’t remember me~? Why~ I’m hurt!” Was that an honest to goodness pout on an adult’s face? Weird.

“I don’t remember a lot of things,” Jasper responded frankly.

“Oh! I see~ How unfortunate. That would explain that little list on your phone,” the man hummed, a clawed finger coming up to tap on his lip thoughtfully.

Jasper frowned sharply, an uncomfortable feeling of go away run away wiggling in his gut. He trusted his gut implicitly… except he had nowhere to run away right now. If he left this conversation there was no guarantee this man wouldn’t just follow. His hand clenched on the aforementioned phone as he huffed out, “How do you know about that?”

“Why you gave it to me earlier, of course~.”

What reason would he have to give his phone to a man he hadn’t even told his memory problem about? There was something very wrong with this conversation, with this man. Alarm signals were blaring to life in his head and he- 

Wanted to run. 

He glanced at his phone discreetly, turning the bright screen enough that he could see it without moving his head. Green was safe. He wanted to find Greenie.

“Who are you,” he asked instead of giving into his growing urge to flee. He tucked his right arm closer to his side, feeling it twinge. If he couldn’t get away would he be able to use it?

“Are you going to remember if I tell you~?”

Well, no. But the mocking practically dripping from those words pushed practically every button that shouldn’t be pushed. Condescension from adults had always been- had always- he hatedhatedhated it. It made his vision go red just like that day .

 “Of course I will,” he spat (like a liar).

“Then my name is Hisoka~,” the clown looking guy practically purred. “And what should I call you, precious little fruit?”

He twitched at the change of address. Wasn’t he being called a rat earlier? Please change back to that, thanks. The way those words practically caressed the guy’s tongue on the way out of his mouth made Jasper supremely uncomfortable, and he didn’t need the splitting migraine that suddenly popped up either.

Blinking black spots from his eyes ( and suddenly everything was too bright and his head was poundingpoundingpounding like the drums of war ) Jasper cleared his throat, once, twice, thrice, before answering. “It’s… Jasper.”

“A pleasure~!”

Yea… yea, no. Definitely not. He was leaving now.

So, he turned to do just that except- “Are you looking for your friends, Jasper~?”

He froze. Was that what he had been doing? How had this guy known?

“No need to worry. They’re right over there~.”

A clawed finger was pointed at a tree surrounded by four people, two of which seemed familiar and-

He glanced at his phone. Greenie and Whitey. His shoulders sagged in relief and he scurried over, desperate to get away. He wanted to be safe right now.

The man, thankfully, did not follow.

Chapter Text

Leorio prodded the rather large lump on his face with a wince. He was absolutely clueless about how he’d gotten here… and Gon and Kurapika had shown up afterwards looking for him. Which- left him with so many questions. Going off of the muscle burn. He’d gone through a pretty hefty workout- which coincided with his memories of lots of running- and he’d been hit by… something. And somehow got to the Second Phase exam site.

He let out an aggravated sigh and prodded his face again. Despite being a rather nasty contusion that caused some memory loss, and practically shredded the inside of his mouth, Leorio was pretty sure he didn’t have a concussion. Thank goodness for being hit on the cheek. Actually… thank goodness he didn’t have a broken jaw. Good at field dressing he may be, there was still only so much he could do.

Didn’t make it any less frustrating that he didn’t make it here on his own power… and that he had no idea who had helped him.

A loud cry of “Jas!” drew him from his self pity session and he blearily looked up at the approaching kid decked out in a ragged, dirty robe. He’d seen a few of those in his time, good for keeping warm on cold nights and keeping the sand from blasting one’s skin off. Though, he doubted that’s the reason this kid was wearing one. It was probably more for hiding than anything else. It did a pretty good job of it at any rate.

He let out a sigh through his nose and thanked his lucky stars that he hadn’t been more damaged ( it could have been so much worse ) before pushing himself up into a standing position. There was a brief moment of lightheadedness but it went away quickly enough that he wasn’t too worried. Considering he was still shining with sweat, it was probably dehydration and not the lump on his face. 

(And, urgh, he was trying so hard not to think about how stupid he looked. There were more important things than pride! Like money!)

“So… what are we waiting for,” he asked as he ambled after the group that had made their way closer to the building in the clearing. His skin felt tacky with dried sweat. Hm. He should probably put on a shirt. He pulled his jacket and shirt from his waist, separated them, then started pulling his shirt back on and tying his jacket around his waist (the badge went on his chest of course). Feeling a little more put together he turned back to the group to ask-

“Who are you?”

Leorio let out a strangled noise before reigning himself in. It was fine. The kid has some form of anterograde amnesia. He had to remind himself not to yell (not because it wasn’t deserved because being constantly forgotten was really annoying but because his face hurt dammit! That was definitely the reason. Definitely. ), to take deep breaths. 

Was it even worth it to introduce himself at this point?

“That’s Leorio! He’s part of our group!”

Nevermind.

At least he could bask in the feeling of being included. Gon was a really great kid. (Most of the time.)

And with that thought, the doors in front of everyone started peeling open with a groan; one completely different than the grumbling and growling that had been coming out of the building for the past forever. And they were starting the Second Phase with-

Cooking!

Which was… not exactly what he was expecting from a Hunter Exam. Sort of stupid really.

But definitely something within his range of capabilities! He’d cook the best damn pork that examiner had ever tasted!

So, high on his future success, he almost didn’t notice the beige figure in the corner of his eye start lagging. He glanced over, a bit surprised that Jasper was falling back, away from Gon and the white haired brat. He glanced at the two boys but they made no move to say or do anything… and Kurapika was too focused looking forward and around them trying to spot any pigs.

Leorio huffed. Then he slowed down until he was right next to the kid. There were a few quiet moments before Jasper spoke. “Who are you?”

“Seriously!? Ugh- You know what, fine! I’m Leorio and you’re looking a little down there, kid. What’s wrong?”

“Wrong? Nothing. Nothing is… wrong.”

“Uh-huh sure. Lie a little more convincingly. Now, out with it.” Despite his blunt words he really was curious. Would Jasper even remember what he was falling behind for? And if he did remember… Well, doctor’s were supposed to help people, right? This was totally fine!

“I can’t cook.”

The blunt admission almost made the older teen fall on his face as he stumbled over a tree root. How the hell had the kid survived? Hadn’t he said he’d been looking for his family? Leorio had sort of assumed Jasper was on his own if that was true but what if wasn’t? Had somebody been cooking for him? Is that why he hadn’t learned? He didn’t want to think about how tiny those wrists were. There just… was no way that he’d survived on his own with no way to make food! There wasn’t!

…

UGH! How was this kid alive!?

“That- That’s not a problem,” he stuttered, still trying to get over his shock.

“No? But aren’t we supposed to cook?”

“Well, yes,” he grunted.

”Then how is it not a problem?”

“Because I’ll help you!”

He’d blurted it out without really thinking about it but Leorio wouldn’t take it back. He knew how to cook just fine enough to survive and if he had to help teach a kid to do it (and maybe impart an important life skill at the same time that would hopefully be remembered) then he was all for it!

“Why?” Jasper’s voice was bland and it made Leorio’s eye twitch.

“What do you mean why!? It’s the right thing to do!”

“You’re a bit of a hot-head aren’t you?”

He gaped, head turning directly towards the small form beside him. How dare-! He was trying to help-! And this was the respect-!? What the hell!

“WHY YOU LITTLE BRAT!”

Jasper’s laughter rang clear and high. It was a full bellied laugh, one that made the boy stop running as he leant over clutching his stomach. It was bright and light hearted and it made an unconscious smile tick up Leorio’s face.

“Alright, Mister Drab,” the boy panted between giggles. “I’ll accept your help. What are we doing again?”

Leorio sighed, eyebrow twitching with annoyance. (But there was a warmth in his gut and if his sigh was a tad bit more fond, no one could call him out on it.)

Did it have to be Mister Drab, though?

Jasper doesn’t really remember how a giant pig came to be settled over a fire in front of him. It was a rather big fire pit but the fire was settled low. The pig sat above it skewered through the mouth and settled on two large poles outside the pit.

“Hey kid, how’s the pig looking?”

He glanced up slowly. Then blinked, a little stunned at the burn behind his eyelids. He must not have blinked for a while.

“Kid? Jasper?”

Oh. Right. Someone was here. A middle aged looking man in a white suit shirt with some rather drab looking suit pants and a matching jacket tied sloppily around his waist who was addressing him like he knew him. Maybe he did. But he couldn’t really remember. He was too tired to be bothered about that right now, though. Jasper didn’t know where it came from or when he was hit by it, but this wave of exhaustion wasn’t leaving him alone. He felt bleary and vulnerable. It was not a nice feeling. A little too close to terrifying for his liking-

“Kid!”

Jasper jerked back upright, saving himself from falling into the arms of the adult. “Who are you,” he grumbled, shifting into a more comfortable position and leaning back onto one hand.

The man sighed and plopped down beside him. “Names Leorio. I’ve been helping you cook. I was literally five feet away from you this whole time.” He had been? Oh wow… Jasper was worse off than he thought. “And I’ve been watching you almost faceplant for the last five minutes. Are you feeling alright?”

Obviously not. But he wasn’t about to go saying that to an adult. “Fine.”

“You’re not really that great of a liar, are you?”

Pshaw. He was a fantastic liar! Just… when he was better aware of himself. Maybe not so tired too.

“Hey. I noticed you’ve been favoring your left hand. Are you hurt? I could help.”

Jasper twitched. Was he hurt? He rotated his right wrist and barely suppressed a shriek of pain. His shoulders grew tight and he sat upright at the sudden agony spreading up his arm in waves. With trembling fingers, he pulled the sleeve away from his arm and winced at the livid splash of red and purple. Where- Where did that come from!?

“Damn… that looks rather bad.”

He jumped, jerking his head over to look at the man sitting next to him. Where did he come from!?

The man sighed, rubbing the heel of his hand against the eye opposite the swelling on his face. “I’ve been here, Jasper. Names Leorio. Can I look at your wrist? I have some medical training.”

No way! He wasn’t about to let some guy touch him! He’d had worse! Maybe… He couldn’t recall having worse and honestly his wrist really really hurt… which was probably why he hadn’t been moving it. Moving it had been such a huge mistake!

“Kid. Kid-”

He jerked away from the hand on his shoulder, snarling. It didn’t matter if it hurt, he could still fight! He was fine! He wasn’t going to let this guy touch him!

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry, alright? It just looks really bad. I- I want to be a doctor to help people. I could help you right now. If you let me.” The man had retracted his hand, and was staring at him with a small frown on his face. His eyes were intent but… Jasper couldn’t really see or feel any ill intent. In fact, they looked rather earnest and that was especially helped by the goose egg sitting on his cheek. It made the drab looking man look even more harmless.

Jasper grimaced, clutching his arm to his chest. Appearances could be very deceiving. He would know. But his arm really really hurt and he definitely should not have moved it like that because ow . No… No, it was fine. He was fine. He’d had to have had it for a while if it looked like that, right? He’d been handling it so far and he could keep doing so. He just, should probably write it in his phone so he didn’t make such a stupid mistake later.

“Jasper. I don’t know what’s going on in your head, but it’s alright to accept help. Especially from someone who knows what they’re doing. There could be something really wrong with your wrist.”

He glared- not that the man could see considering his hood was still up- and huffed. “And how do I know you are what you say you are… whatever you are!?”

The stranger scratched the stubble on his chin and turned brown eyes skyward. He muttered to himself for a moment before facing Jasper again. “You obviously don’t remember me but I’m your doctor for the Hunter Exams. I’m supposed to help with your injuries. So, will you let me see?”

He blinked. Rolled the thought over in his mind. Doctors had been assigned for the Hunter Exams? Why would they do that? And how did he know the man was telling the truth?

“How do I know you're not lying!?”

The stranger huffed and stood up slowly. “Let me get my briefcase and show you. It’s all medical equipment. Besides, how else would I know your name if you never told me?”

Jasper opened his mouth to retort before freezing. That was true. How- how else would he know unless he was assigned by the Hunters? 

He clutched his arm tighter to his chest before giving a sullen, “O-okay, show me your stuff.”

And the guy- doctor?- did. There was no lie, it was all medical stuff. Except… “Why are you showing me this?”

“‘Cause I need to look at your arm, kid.”

Oh. That made sense. His wrist did hurt and this guy was obviously a doctor. And his brown eyes seemed really sincere. But Jasper was still hesitant. He didn’t want an adult… any adult to see him. He couldn’t let them. Only his family was safe.

“It’s really starting to hurt, right? I’ll be gentle.”

He pursed his lips for a moment before letting out an explosive sigh. He didn’t know why this doctor guy was here but better take advantage, right? Sure, Jasper could handle it on his own but not nearly as professionally and he… had important things he was doing right now, right? So, he held out his arm reluctantly.

There was a mutter that sounded suspiciously like, “Oh, thank god,” before calloused fingers gently pushed the sleeve of his robe up and settled over his wrist. They prodded slowly, making him twitch every now and then, before two fingers settled on either side of his wrist while Jasper watched intently.

“I think it might be dislocated,” the stranger murmured, a frown on his lips. Then he looked straight at Jasper, then over his shoulder for a moment. He gave a short nod before continuing, “Kid. I have to put pressure on it to check something and it’s going to hurt. Don’t- don’t attack me or anything.”

It was going to hurt? Wait but- wasn’t this supposed to make it not hurt? How-

Painpainpainpain

Jasper screamed before he could stop himself. His left arm lashed out and-

Was promptly grabbed by a smaller hand, tugging it back-

Something plopped in his lap so he couldn’t stand-

He was trappedtrappedtrapped-

His head immediately burst open with a migraine and-

He was opening his eyes with a groan. His mouth felt dry as dirt and the world was a bit blurry with the pain of his throbbing head. A blur of green and black appeared above him.

“Hey, Jas!” The blur moved and he tracked it slowly. For some reason, despite being in such a vulnerable state… the green felt safe. “How are you feeling?”

“Mmmpf.”

“Well, that’s okay! You can take a minute. We’re just finishing Kurapika’s pig and then we can all go back.”

Still… feeling safe didn’t stop the pounding in his head. Couldn’t the green be quieter? He really wanted to go back to sleep.

“All of this over a dislocated wrist? Can’t we just leave him, Gon? He’s pretty much deadweight.”

That… wasn’t green. He couldn't see who spoke but he had the very faint feeling of white ( importantblue ).

“I don’t think this was just about the wrist,” another voice chimed in. He… he couldn’t guess this one. “He’s severely dehydrated and probably hasn’t eaten in a while either. That’s why I asked Kurapika to gather some edibles while we work on his roast.”

“Still…” White sounded pretty put out. He wondered why exactly.

“C’mon Killua! He was able to keep up with us this whole time while in this condition. Isn’t that really cool?” Green shifted closer and Jasper could feel a small warm hand settle on his forehand. He sighed at the nice feeling of it.

“I mean… I guess. That does make it sound a bit better.”

“Wanna sleep,” he grunted with more effort than it should have taken.

There was a small laugh. “No! Not yet. We still need to finish the second phase! C’mon Jasper, don’t you want to pass so you can find your family?”

That sent a jolt through his system and his eyes snapped back open. (When had they closed?) Finding his family was important! And if he had to force himself awake for that, so be it! With a huff he shifted his arms so his hands were positioned to help push him up-

“Whoah! No, no! No pressure on that wrist! I set it and wrapped it but you can still mess it up,” that unknown third voice chimed urgently.

His wrist?

“Yea! You gotta be more careful, Jas,” Green voiced chimed in chidingly. “Here, I’ll help.”

And suddenly he was up and up and standing and- whoa, the world was spinning.

“Jeez, Gon,” White laughed. He was standing in front of them, blue eyes sparkling with amusement and white hair shining in the sun. “You wanna make him puke all over you?”

“Whoops! Sorry!”

Jasper blinked and shook his head- causing more spinning and black spots and why was he like this- before slurring, “‘S fine. ‘S… fine. Gimme a sec.”

He was clutching rather tightly to Green’s arm while he waited for his head to settle on his neck where it was supposed to be. It only took… well, he wasn’t sure but eventually it was fine. Fine enough for him to move and stand on his own.

“Oh! You dropped this earlier. Here ya go!”

His phone was shoved in front of his face and he raised both hands to snatch it before it hit his nose. Phone in hand, he paused to stare at the thick, stiff bandages that hampered the movement of his right wrist. When did that happen?

He should… really check his phone. He clicked a few of the buttons before it turned on, already opened to his notes. He read through them quickly enough as there weren’t very many. Unfortunately, there was nothing mentioning his wrist so it was probably recent and he should update it so he’d be careful with it in the future. Fortunately, it had a whole little entry for Greenie and Whitey- and honestly the names made sense and clicked in his head- that meant he could trust them, especially with the state he was in.

He still really wanted to sleep.

Killua was somewhat exasperated. He didn’t understand why Gon was going through so much trouble! They should just let Nutty fail and he could try again another year or something but no. Gon had already decided they were friends and his friends were going to pass with him. Even if it was trouble to get them through the exam. Honestly, Gon was a bit more stubborn than expected about the whole thing too.

He sighed, and settled himself back onto the grass watching as Gon hovered, looking at whatever Nutty was doing with his phone. Leorio was poking and prodding at Kurapika’s pig to make sure it was finished before pulling it off the fire and tossing it onto their cooked pig pile. And Kurapika was… somewhere in the forest. Probably coming back soon since he’d already been gone a good half an hour.

He’d noticed before that the robed boy had had an injury after they found him alone in the first half of the run. It wasn’t truly hard to see how he slowly stopped using his right hand on his phone. Killua just hadn’t cared enough about it to say anything which was probably why this whole situation happened in the first place. Maybe he should have said something? Then it could have been over and done with sooner. But he hadn’t, and the old man teen had noticed as well.

The guy had dropped back to talk to peanut brain, had gotten a genuine laugh out of him- which neither he nor Gon had done and he sort of wanted to do it now it was a nice sound- , and then had basically commandeered how they were going to spend this part of the exam. The giant pigs were pretty easy to find even though there weren’t that many. The first group they found had exactly three and those were dealt with swiftly once it was discovered that their main weakness was their forehead.

They set the fire pits then and there and Leorio had started trying to cajole peanut brain into letting him help. It didn’t go so well. In fact it went so badly that Nutty had almost ended up in a tree to get away.

It was then that Kurapika suggested using Nutty’s brain against him. Killua had instantly agreed and seen the logic. Leorio didn’t exactly like it but he could see how it would work. Gon wasn’t so easily convinced. It took all three of them pointing out how much Jasper probably needed help before they put the plan in action.

Gon had gotten him to sit in front of one of the pigs to ‘watch it and make sure it doesn’t burn’ before eventually sneaking away when Nutty started zoning out. At that point Gon and Killua took off into the forest to hunt down two more giant pigs. Bam done, simple as that, and they were back.

By that point Leorio had apparently cajoled his way into looking at Nutty’s wrist because when he and Gon had walked into the clearing, pigs held aloft, Jasper’s wrist was already on display. Kurapika was nowhere to be seen but Killua was way more distracted by the injury on Nutty. It was a little worse than Killua had thought. It was swollen to almost twice its original size and was a brilliant purple with red streaks on the outer edges. Nothing a Zoldyck couldn’t handle easily but someone who wasn’t trained in pain tolerance? Well...

“I think it might be dislocated,” Leorio had said clearly, displeasure practically soaked into his words. Then he looked straight at them and Killua was positive he was asking for some sort of help. Well, it wouldn’t hurt to give it so he had nodded, setting the pig down quietly while Gon followed suit. “Kid. I have to put pressure on it to check something and it’s going to hurt. Don’t- don’t attack me or anything.”

There was a sort of crunching sound, Nutty screeched , and Killua lunged forward to snatch his hand before it actually landed on the older man. At the same time, Gon plopped on Nutty’s lap to hold his legs down and make sure he wouldn’t squirm away.

“Damn,” Leorio muttered, as half a second later the boy slumped in unconsciousness. “Well, good news is, his wrist will be okay. Seems like it was only a partial dislocation and he wasn’t really using it so it didn’t get worse or anything.”

“That’s good,” Gon said, a big smile forming on his face, relief clear in his tone. Killua sort of felt the same way even if he wasn’t going to say anything. He’d looked down at the older boy and saw, for the first time, his face as his hood had fallen. It was just as pale as the rest of him and the wild black hair, just as pitch dark as Illumi’s, didn’t help his complexion. The dried mud caking the upper right half of his face probably didn’t help in that regard either. Though, his eyelashes were really long for a boy, especially prominent on white cheeks. His cheeks were round but that was more bone structure than anything because… he was almost skeletal he was so gaunt. When was the last time this kid had eaten anything substantial?

While his thinness was bad enough, he couldn’t help but note the scars as well. The corners of his mouth had pale scars stretching maybe half an inch on each side as if his mouth had been cut open wider. There was a rather nasty reddish gash that he could barely make out trailing down his neck and he could see a splotchy still healing burn covering his temple and a portion of the hair melted away near his ear. Killua couldn’t help but wonder if the mud was hiding anything on the other side of the kid’s face.

“Whoa! He’s so thin,” Gon gasped.

“That’s what I was worried about,” Leorio sighed. “I’d noticed how thin his wrists were before but I was hoping… well… Should have known better.”

Then the man pulled his briefcase closer and pulled out some sort of bandage that he started to expertly wrap around the boy’s wrist. Killua had glanced down at the wrist still in his hand, rolling his fingers gently over the skin, feeling the bones shift. It would be so simple to break it… especially for someone like Hisoka.

Killua sighed, dropping Nutty’s wrist carelessly as he wandered over to collect the abandoned pigs. 

Thirty minutes of boringness later and here they were. Nutcase up and about (hood fixed back into place by Leorio before his waking), Leorio finishing the pigs, Gon being his excitable self, and waiting for Kurapika to come back with food for their starvation victim.

For some reason, though, he couldn’t stop thinking about the older boy now. Where had the scars come from, what had been doing before the exam, how had he survived so long on his own?

The questions were starting to drive him crazy. And he had exactly zero answers.

Chapter Text

Gon peered at the screen of Jasper's phone curiously. It was a rather nice phone and seemed pretty high tech compared to what most people carried from what he had seen. He wondered where his friend had gotten it from.

“Oh, you should add Kurapika and Leorio on here too,” Gon hummed as he scanned the writing. It was nice to see he and Killua had an entire entry but Jas should know that he could trust the older teens in their group as well! Kurapika was really kind and smart and Leorio was nice and had some medical training. 

“Who are they?”

Gon laughed and pointed at Leorio who was currently organizing his briefcase and stuffing his jacket inside of it. “That’s Leorio! He wrapped your wrist and he’s really nice. And Kurapika is out getting something to eat.”

Jasper fidgeted next to him, fingers clenching on his phone. Honestly, Gon wished he could help him more than he was already doing. It was a bit of a repetitive job to keep reminding Jas about…. pretty much everything, but there was just something there that he really liked about the boy. He was sweet and funny and bright and-

Lonely.

He was seeing it more and more in the little things. And it was a very uncomfortable reminder of how, despite his excitement for adventure, Gon felt when he had left Whale Island. There’d been nothing wrong with his home and he loved Aunt Mito and Grandma very much (and everyone was very kind but there really weren’t many people who actually lived there) but- It was like he was missing something. He wanted more. And he hadn’t even realized that until he’d met Killua. Well… no… he’d sort of felt it when Kurapika and Leorio had tagged along with him- a kind of bubbly happy feeling- but he hadn’t really identified it until he was talking with Killua and Jas. They made him happy. All of them did. And that tiny part of him that felt like he was missing something soothed over.

He wanted to keep them all close.

It was different for Jasper, though. He seemed to be on his own for a long time now… or maybe he had been with someone but if he had, the boy certainly didn’t remember. And Gon did notice that Jasper tended to avoid everyone except for him and Killua. He couldn’t be sure but he thought it had to do with their ages. If so… Gon was glad he was at an age that Jasper felt comfortable with because he could be friends with him. They both wouldn’t be lonely this way!

Jasper talking snapped him back to the present. “But… that’s an adult Gon.”

“Huh? What are you talking about?”

The cloaked boy’s finger pointed at Leorio who was now standing up to greet Kurapika who had appeared at the edge of their makeshift clearing. “Adult.”

So… age actually was a factor? Gon wasn’t sure why being an adult would be a problem. But if that was the issue then it was an easy fix! “Well, actually he’s a teenager.”

“EH!?”

He couldn’t help but laugh at the response. It did seem pretty unbelievable but Leorio hadn’t lied. And Jasper’s jaw hanging so low it was visible was pretty funny.

He knew everyone was watching them now, but kept his attention on Jas. The boy’s guard was down and it would be nice if it stayed that way. “He definitely doesn’t look like it! But he is! So, it should be okay to put him in your phone, right?”

Jasper’s mouth visibly opened and closed before he cleared his throat and answered, “I-I guess. Why am I putting him in my phone?”

“Because he can help! Kurapika will too! You should put their descriptions in your phone like you did for me and Killua.”

“O-oh. Okay.”

And despite sounding rather dazed he did turn back to his screen and start typing. Gon peered over his shoulder to watch.

Though, he was still rather worried about Jasper and his exhausted state- and he couldn’t forget how they’d found him terrified hours earlier- Gon was rather satisfied with how things were turning out. He was making really cool friends and all of his friends were helping each other.

Everything was going great!

Kurapika sighed as he brushed off the dirt on his tabard before storing the root in his bag. He really shouldn’t be going this far for another examinee, should just let the boy fail-

But… Jasper was only a child. A child that needed help and Kurapika wasn’t- he wasn’t cold-hearted. He knew he should be. He had to be to go after the lives of the Phantom Troupe… He didn’t want to be, though. It wasn’t Jasper that hurt his clan. So, there was no reason- especially if it wasn’t going to hurt his chances to pass the exam- for him not to extend help.

And… he couldn’t help but hate himself for even hesitating in the first place. Kurapika wanted to avenge his clan. He did not want to become callous like their murderers.

For a moment he had forgotten that.

He double checked his bag, looking over the collection of berries and roots he’d been able to gather. It wasn’t as much as he’d like but he wasn’t familiar with most plants in this forest and he didn’t want to accidentally poison the kid. Still, he’d been gone for long enough and this would have to suffice. With that thought in mind, he turned back to the area they’d set up the fire pits for roasting the giant pigs they’d caught.

It wasn’t very far, only a few minutes away as he’d just been circling, but it still left plenty of time for him to reflect. 

He didn’t regret following Gon but he was a bit chagrined to admit to himself that it might have been easier if he hadn’t. He would not have grown attached and he would not be having a mini crisis over his humanity and kindness. Then, of course, he would not have met the intriguing puzzle of Gon nor the kind hearted doctor, Leorio. He had no idea how he would act around Jasper if things had gone differently. Would he have truly sunk low enough to ignore an obvious child in need?

Kurapika sighed. It was better not to think of what ifs. He had enough problems with that as it was. He knew if he pursued that line of thought he’d only fall back into old thoughts of his clan. And while he would never let his rage go, he didn’t exactly want to fall back into the heavy despair of the first year after the massacre either.

For now he would focus on what he could do; what he was currently doing to help, and that was feeding the resident amnesiac. 

He found his way to the rest of the group quickly enough. They were settled around the area, Killua settled by the large pile of roast pigs, Gon hovering over Jasper’s shoulder, and Leorio fiddling with the contents of his briefcase. The latter was the closest and so he made his way over to the aspiring doctor.

“How did it go?”

The brunette glanced up with a grimace before closing his briefcase with a sigh. Well, that wasn’t exactly an inspiring reaction.

“Well, good news is I got his wrist wrapped. It really wasn’t that bad but it could have been if it hadn’t been addressed. Bad news is- well… hard to come to terms with.” Leorio scrubbed a hand through his hair, a frown on his lips, and shoulders sagging. 

Kurapika found himself frowning too. “Was it truly that bad?”

“Worse. Probably. I haven’t seen someone so thin in- in years. It’s not- good memories,” the man said haltingly. “And he’s got other injuries. Most old, some healing. I don’t know all of what the kids saw but they haven’t said anything yet. I just… that kid- ugh! I hate that I had to use his own head against him! And the connotations of not trusting adults-! There’s just-!”

“Leorio,” Kurapika cut in low and sharp.

“Sorry. Sorry…”

“You’re a good guy,” he hummed. “It’s a good thing you're able to help him, right?”

There was that grimace again. A hand came up to rub tiredly at the eye opposite of the still swollen flesh on Leorio’s face. “Yeah. Better than what he had before obviously. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t make me angry, though.”

“That is fair. But it’s probably best not to let Jasper know that.”

Most kids who avoided adults did so with very good reason. It was a hard learned lesson for Kurapika himself. Adults were supposed to help kids. Children had an innate trust for their guides in life… but there were always those that had their trust broken. Some more harshly than others.

“Probably,” the brunette agreed. With a short sigh, Leorio leaned down to scoop up his briefcase. “Times a wastin’. Best get a move on. We don’t know how many have passed yet.”

“Agreed. Let us move on. Oh,” he paused, glancing at the bandages he could see peeking out from Jasper’s wrist. “Can he carry his own pig? Will he be disqualified if he doesn’t?”

It was a fair question to ask. The pigs were not what one would call light in any form of the word. Gon and Killua seemed a few steps above normal children in the strength department but he hadn’t seen much from Jasper. Besides keeping up during the run (which was a feat in itself he could admit) the boy hadn’t really displayed any signs of being like the other two kids. He hadn’t really had the chance, either, but it still left his questions unanswered. 

And now Leorio looked as hesitant as he did. “He definitely can’t use his wrist. I don’t know if he’ll be able to carry it with one arm. And he’d have to at least present it by himself, right?”

“I suppose all we can do is ask?”

It turned out that Jasper could, in fact, carry the pig one handed, though there was a bit of a struggle to get it situated since he couldn’t pick it up easily. It eventually ended up with Kurapika hauling it into the air and settling it over the small boy’s shoulder until the kid had a good hold on it.

“Cool. Can we finally get this over with,” Killua huffed, boredom practically seeping from his pores.

“Right! Let’s go pass the second phase,” Gon cheered.

Killua smirked. “Race ya!” Then he took off with Gon chasing after him with a startled shout of, “Cheater!”

Jasper squeaked a breathy laugh and followed behind, somehow keeping pace even though his run didn’t look quite as effortless.

Kurapika watched them with a smile. The kids sure were energetic. It made his chest warm as he followed after, Leorio on his heels with a half-hearted complaint.

Menchi watched the applicants wander around the cooking stations in confusion. It was rather sad really how pitiful they all looked but she’d given them lots of hints already! And she really had a craving for sushi, so the Gourmet Hunter was looking forward to what would be presented. There had to be at least one person here that could make sushi.

Her stomach growled quietly. 

Ugh. Menchi was hungry, dammit. Couldn’t they hurry up?

She scanned the crowd again but this time her gaze snagged on a few oddities. First, the very Japponese looking man trying to hide his laughter. He probably knew how to make sushi and was laughing at all the others. Good news for her stomach. Second was the clown who was looking equal parts interested, confused, and murderous. Of course, it didn’t show on his face but he was practically blasting it with his nen. He was either unaware that he was doing so, or more likely, didn’t care.

Third, and most interesting was an actual group. Unlike most everyone else who was only semi-clustered, trying to spy on each other, there were five applicants that were actually closed in on themselves to block everyone else out. Well, mostly. The white haired brat was a bit more distant but he was still in the group’s orbit and the tiny robed thing was more inside the circle than a part of it-

Were they giving him food?

Menchi blinked, tapping her gong mallet against the back of the couch in interest. 

They definitely were.

The blonde one seemed to be quietly discussing something with the rest while also sneaking food over to the robed one every now and then. So far she’d seen a handful of berries and something that looked like a root disappear under the hood. 

Weird.

Interesting.

She’d have to keep an eye on that.

A few minutes later, she watched as they all scrambled for fish. She watched as they all absolutely butchered the art of making sushi. She watched and got more and more annoyed at each pitiful attempt.

So, when the tiny robed applicant appeared in front of her muttering, “Deliver the food, deliver the food,” she almost didn’t notice how thin his fingers and wrists were (one of them wrapped in a thick, stiff bandage that did little to help it look bigger) when he set the platter down in front of her. Unfortunately, she did notice and it made her heart seize in her chest because if there was one thing Menchi absolutely couldn’t stand (besides people making fun of Gourmet Hunters, of course) it was children going hungry. And this level of thinness usually indicated starvation.

She pursed her lips. Not much she could do about it right now… but it made a lot more sense why blondie had been subtly feeding this one.

With a sigh (and a mental promise to revisit this later), she pulled the lid off to gaze at the next, probably disgusting, attempt. It was shaped alright, kind of wonky but better than a lot of the other ones she’d seen so far. There was a thin cutting of fish on top and it was wrapped (or it was an attempt to look like a wrap, she couldn’t tell) with a small piece of freshwater seaweed. An… okay attempt at visual, definitely not up to her standards but better than most.

Next she picked up the small piece of sushi in her chopsticks and dipped one end into the sauce dish. Then she plopped it in her mouth.

“Urgh, too much vinegar! Fail,” she barked, completely overwhelmed with that all consuming disappointment that fed into her anger. The flavor was too overpowering, the rice harder than it needed to be, and the fish was definitely not a good pick for a sushi topping! 

She looked up and frowned at the applicant still in front of her. “Well? Get out of my sight! You failed.”

“Failed what?”

Her mouth popped open in surprise. Failed what!? “You failed to live up to the taste of sushi,” she growled, reaching forward to snag the robe so she could drag them up to her face, so she could look them in the eye. Nails immediately dug into her wrist but she wasn’t really worried about that… No, it was the gaunt cheeks and sunken eyes that made her pause.

Thin. So very very thin.

Menchi slowly closed her mouth, cutting off her rant as her anger slowly died back down. Instead she huffed and muttered, “You’re too thin kid. Go back to your little friends, alright?”

She set him back on his feet and released his robe. The kid wobbled for a moment before he turned around muttering, “Friends? Friends. Okay…” 

“Buhara… He’s so small,” she whispered, watching him wander for a moment before the tiny green kid ran over and dragged him back to their sullen group.

“You can’t do anything right now, Menchi,” the giant man rumbled pointedly. “You’re an examiner, after all.”

She groaned. Right. It was an honor to be chosen as an examiner but none of it was living up to her expectations! All of these examinees were worthless when it came to sushi! At this rate none of them were going to pass. Oh well, when it was all over and done with then she could track down the tiny boy to try to get him some nutritional help. Even if she had to try to apprentice him to get him away from whatever lifestyle he was living.

Thankfully, she didn’t have to wait much longer before she was full… or more like her stomach didn’t want to take anymore failed attempts at what she’d been craving. 

She hit the gong with her mallet giving a cheerful, “Sorry! I’m not hungry anymore!”

Buhara frowned down at her. “Menchi,” his tone was quiet but reproachful and only made her throw her nose in the air. “This wasn’t what was agreed upon.”

“I’m not changing my mind! We agreed that if it tasted good it was a pass and if it didn’t then it was a fail,” she huffed. Besides, the quicker this was over with, the quicker she could get a better look at the disaster that was the robed kid. He didn’t seem to be all there in the head, he was stick thin, and he was being helped by other examinees! He shouldn’t pass this exam! She’d train him up and then he could pass a later one.

“Second trial of the second phase, Cooking: None Qualified,” she announced loudly, cutting off whatever else Buhara was going to try to nag her about.

The larger man shook his head but turned his attention to the applicants when one of them smashed his station. Menchi frowned. Just because they could easily replace those, didn’t mean they didn’t cost a bit of money; they were state of the art, after all. She wouldn’t have anything less for people trying to cook for her.

“I didn’t come here to be a pathetic Gourmet Hunter. I’m going to be a blacklist hunter and no gourmet will stop me!”

This uppity little prick had the nerve to make fun of Gourmet Hunters in front of her too. A brat with no nen talent, latent or otherwise, and he thought she’d let him get away with this?

“Well, that’s too bad,” she purred. “How unlucky that you were tested by two Gourmet Hunters then. Better luck next year!”

“Are you mocking me!?”

Oho. This prick really wanted to die. 

Before she could do more than grasp her knives that had been tucked into the back of the couch she’d been perched on, Buhara had already smacked the man away. She twitched and turned to her Examiner partner.

“I don’t recall asking for your help,” she bit out.

“Maybe not. But if I didn’t, you would have killed him, right?”

“Maybe,” she hummed. More like most definitely. No one looks down on Gourmet Hunters in front of her after all. So before anyone else could make such a drastic mistake, she graciously decided to explain things to the rest of the pathetic whelps. “It doesn’t matter what Hunter you want to be, all Hunters need to have perfect knowledge in the art of fighting.” She started juggling her knives, paying only half attention to what her hands were doing. It was a pretty display and a heavy warning not to mess with her. “Gourmet Hunters, for example, constantly delve into dangerous territories and fight many beasts to seek out new and amazing ingredients. And it's common to run into poachers and stop them. So despite what Hunter you want to be, you need to know how to fight! Will you be able to take on any challenge, even in a domain you don’t know?”

And then Netero himself decided to drop in and Menchi felt… well, a little bit sheepish. At his not quite scolding tone she couldn’t help but admit that she’d lost her temper. And maybe made it a bit too difficult.

Netero smiled at her when she offered to step down as judge. “Now, now. It would be too much trouble to replace you now. How about… as compensation for such a difficult menu, you’ll have to participate in the next test alongside all the other applicants!”

She could accept that.

After asking for a ride from the president (because she had the best idea of what to do next!) Menchi allowed herself to look around for the robed kid again. She was still an examiner so she couldn’t just go up to him and start trying to stuff him full of food, but she could at least start trying to work out what needed to be fixed and where she could help him improve. After all, though his sushi wasn’t up to her standards, it was still one of the better ones so he wasn’t completely hopeless.

On the Association Blimp, Menchi discreetly watched as the green kid started handing over some berries. Then the business looking man (Failed dish numero uno, the fish was still moving for goodness sake!) accepted another handful of berries from blondie that was then passed to the green one. A tangle of roots was handed to the white haired kid, who looked at it for a moment before stuffing it in his pocket.

So… they were all working together to feed the kid then. Huh. She had a feeling the skinny brat wasn’t good at accepting help, but that was fine. She could work with stubborn.

Unfortunately, her time for studying was cut short all too quickly when they arrived at Split Mountain. 

“Here it is,” she said, pointing to the gaping chasm as the applicants followed behind her. She stripped her boots, dropping them to the floor without preamble (because the whelps wouldn’t dare touch her stuff) before going to stand right on the edge. It took a moment of waiting but they’d come at a pretty good time, the breeze was already starting to kick up. Time to go then.

“Alright and hup!”

She could hear the exclamations above her before they were drowned out by the wind rushing in her ears and it put a smile on her lips. The egg retrieval went off without a hitch, the wind carrying her back up (it was always such a rush!). She grinned at the looks of stunned amazement on everyone’s faces.

“Now that’s more like!”

“Alright! This is gonna be so cool!”

“Action over cooking, heck yea!”

And suddenly that group of five, three of which had shouted in excitement, were launching themselves off the cliff. Menchi stared before blurting out in a panic, “I haven’t finished my explanation yet!”

But it was too late. She was left up here with the contestants that refused to go, and an amused Chairman.

Menchi bit her lip and crouched down near the ledge to look at what was going on. Everyone was hanging onto the string of the webs but she could already tell it was too much weight. The connections to the cliff face were started to strain and-

The little robed boy was… not among the members on the web strings? Had he already fallen? If he hit the river there was a chance of survival but- Dammit! She knew he wasn’t ready for the exam. He was tiny, starved, and if she remembered correctly, one of his wrists had been wrapped for support, so it was likely injured. She chewed on her lip. She couldn’t leave until the exam was over and they had different examiners that were set for retrieval but-

Wait.

She squinted, clutching her egg to her chest as she tried to see around the other applicants. From her angle, he’d been hidden because he was so small but- Yes! He was there! He was also not clinging like everyone else but was cautiously walking on top of the web line, stepping over people’s hands. 

That was… actually some really impressive balance considering the constant breeze that made the webs sway. It was hard to track him despite the fluttery robe because he kept disappearing under applicants that were on higher lines than him. Still, Menchi managed because she had a keen eye after years of being a Hunter. He made steady but slow progress until he was above one of the lower lines. Then he jumped and landed neatly, both feet on the corded silk swaying in time with the web.

The proud feeling welling up in her chest when the kid got to a nest before anyone else was a bit of a surprise. It made sense if she thought about it, this kid had so many odds stacked against him and he still did better than most others. So, when the high wind kicked up, Menchi was not surprised that he was the first back, and with an armful of eggs instead of just one. 

He needed all that protein so it was a good thing anyway.

Chapter Text

Jasper woke slowly, eyes bleary, and thoughts muggy. He pushed himself up and glanced around the room he was in with a frown. His hood was still secured, though... His left hand came up to rub at the stiff side of his face, knocking off clumps of dried dirt. Oh… dirt was fine, he could always fix it later. His right hand drifted to his pouch fingering his phone, knife, sewing kit, charger, and garrote wire. (And, ow , moving his wrist was not only difficult but painful!) Everything was still in place… but where was he? There were wooden crates blocking him from view, and consequently his view of the room so he decided to cautiously peek around them.

Empty.

There was literally nothing around except crates and... No. Wait. Actually there was another person propped against the plain metal wall near the door. They were on the small side but it was hard to get a good view of their body as they were curled in a ball, hands wrapped around their knees and face tucked in between. All he could really make out was their size, the legs were skinny, and that they had really white hair. All curled up like that they wouldn’t really be a threat if he had to move quickly but the fact that they were so close to the door...

He checked it over to see what he’d need to do to get out. It was a basic door, lock on the inside, knob handle, probably metal as well considering the wall… and the floor actually (that would explain why he felt a little bruised but… not how he got dirt so heavily caked to part of his face). And now that he was paying more attention to it, there was a solid hum in the air. Possibly electric… but he couldn’t be sure.

Jasper glanced back at the person near the door. That same shock of white hair and blue eyes-

Wait.

He ducked behind the crates with barely an exhale ( noises got you caught ) as he thought over what he should do. His heart beat harshly in his chest, not so happy to have been startled like that. The person looked like a kid, which didn’t exactly tell him anything, but at least it wasn’t an adult. He could go out and say hi, possibly ask what they were doing here but-

“Stop being stupid and look at your phone, Nutty.”

Jasper blinked, his breath hitching in his chest. A fair idea. But how did the other boy know that? It was possible they knew each other, which would be sort of neat actually. Still, he could be an enemy. You could never be too careful after all. He was already injured on the arm he used most but he could make do with his left hand and the garrote if he had to.

“Have you looked yet?”

No. If he did, was he going to put himself in a bad situation? He peeked out from behind the crates again but the boy hadn’t moved at all. Jasper pulled back, biting at his lower lip. It should be fine, right? 

He pulled out his phone.

And stared.

“Are you Whitey,” he asked cautiously after a moment.

“What- Is that what you’ve been calling me!? That’s terrible,” the other squeaked, offense layering his voice. Jasper heard him clamber to his feet and couldn’t help but snicker. There wasn’t really any malice coming off the other boy and the way his voice had cracked was hilarious. 

“You called me Nutty, didn’t you? Whitey is much better!”

“It is not!”

“Is so!”

“Prove it!”

“White is a color and I’m good with colors,” he declared proudly, peeking around the crates again.

“That’s it!? At least Nutty accurately describes that you’re a nutcase,” Whitey responded with a glare. “Call me by my name!”

“But, I’m not going to remember it,” he whined, a smile playing at the edge of his lips. He didn’t remember ever feeling so playful except around his family. Not that he remembered much anyway, but the point stood!

“Write it in your phone, stupid!”

“Don’t want to,” he giggled happily. Oh, yes. He was going to enjoy this easy going back and forth they had.

His chest felt warm and fuzzy now and his head didn’t feel nearly as muggy. Words were coming to him easily and there was (if not a friend then-) an ally he could sort of trust. It was startling, but nice, to realize that Whitey had been guarding the door and if it had opened at all the boy would have been able to take a stab at legs immediately. Yes, yes, he felt great!

Today was going to be a good day!

“Ugh, you’re not even going to remember this later,” Whitey growled. “C’mon, Gon’ll be upset if I don’t make sure you make it to the next round.”

“I will so remember,” he huffed, wriggling his way between the crates so he could leave with his… possible friend. “Today’s a good day!”

Whitey stared at him before scoffing. “Uhuh, sure. I’ll believe it when I see it.”

Jasper, finally free, stumbled over to the other boy with a laugh. “I will! I can tell these things you know! So, when are we supposed to get to the next round?”

“We’re supposed to be landing in an hour or so. But I want to see if they have breakfast. Let’s go!”

Jasper happily followed, practically skipping at the thought of being able to eat food.  He knew he was supposed to eat multiple meals a day. Daddy once had said it was supposed to be three plus snacks but he didn’t quite remember eating that much when he was younger. And nowadays food came when it came. His stupid tummy would never tell him when it was time to eat, not like it used to. All he had to go off of was that he didn’t feel dizzy or sick.

Well, he had access to food now so he wouldn't worry too much about it. And having a Hunter License should help with food later, too! He’d be able to eat whenever he wanted to!

When he left the room he couldn’t help but gape at the line of windows that took up half the hallway. He let out a delighted squeal and rushed over to look out upon the clouds and the flashes of land underneath that would sometimes appear. A giddiness filled his chest at the thought of being so high, so free. The only possible thing that could make this better would be to have his family by his side.

“Nutty, don’t just stand there. C’mon, I’m hungry!” Whitey was glaring at him from farther down the hallway.

“But look! It’s so pretty! And we’re so high! Everything is white, like your hair,” he laughed.

There was a disgusted sigh followed by footsteps walking away. Jasper spun around with a “Hey!” and darted after the boy. But Whitey’s annoyance didn’t stop him from looking out every window on their way, savoring the happy feeling he was practically floating on. 

Even the adults congregated in the dining hall couldn’t put a dent in his abnormally happy state. He sat and hummed while eating the food that a smiling chef gave him. It looked different to most everyone else’s, consisting more of fruit and bread but he didn’t mind. In fact, the fruit was super sweet and he preferred it to the stange milk and flake mixture that had ended up in Whitey’s bowl. It looked super gross. Not to mention the grease heavy meat that he had sitting on a plate next to his elbow.

“Hey, kid.”

He popped another small berry in his mouth, delighting in the burst of sweet flavor that filled his mouth.

“Kid.”

“Nutty, she’s talking to you.”

Jasper blinked and looked up. “Huh? What?”

Whitey pointed behind him and he turned to look at the blue haired woman who was standing behind him with one hip cocked out. Her hair was tied up in an… interesting style and she had way too little clothes on. One of her hands settled on her hip and her other held up a… leather bag?

“These are the rest of the eggs that you grabbed from yesterday. You never took them so I stuck ‘em in this satchel for you.”

He stared at her unsure what to make of what she was saying. Eggs? He’d grabbed eggs? Had he gone to the market or something after the exam?

“I- What?”

The lady snorted and tossed the bag- er, satchel?- at his face. He reacted instantly, hands coming up to snatch it. His wrist gave a sharp throb but he ignored it as he yanked the bag into his lap, giving him line of sight to the adult. His right hand was already reaching towards his pouch when she gave a sharp grin.

“Good reflexes. Good balance. Gotta work on the cooking a bit more but that’s fine. You’ll do for sure!”

He watched her turn and leave, a saunter to her steps and grin never leaving. Jasper felt… confused. What the heck did she mean he would do? His fingers twitched on the leather satchel in his lap. He glared down at it but his interest was piqued. So, he carefully flipped open the top to find a smaller pocket that was closed only by a button and the larger one by a zipper. He checked the smaller one first but there was nothing there. Then he checked the larger one and blinked at the small see-through container that had five brownish black speckled eggs. There were blocks of white packaging on the sides that he could already feel the cold radiating from.

The lady wasn’t lying. She literally gave him eggs.

He closed the bag and then looked up to stare blankly at Whitey before asking, “Eggs?”

That got him an amused stare in return. Mischief filled the other boy’s face and he cattily responded, “Yea. Don’t you remember?”

Jasper couldn’t stop the small whining groan. “You know I don’t! Tell me!”

Whitey turned his nose up in the air, a smirk pulling at his lips. “Nah. I don’t feel like it.” Jasper slumped over his plate, the bag on his lap squeezed tighter to his stomach as he pouted.  “Maybe Gon will tell you!”

He wasn’t exactly sure who that was. But what he did know was that ‘Gon’ was not here and Whitey was! “But you’re here now. And I really want to know! Please!”

“And I really don’t feel like telling you. Besides you’ll only forget it. What’s the point, Nutty?”

Jasper curled his fingers tighter into the leather of the bag, feeling the hard edges of the smaller container. Whitey wasn’t exactly wrong. What was the point? It’s not like he wrote everything down and he would eventually forget… but today was a good day. He’d remember longer and he really wanted to hear it! What had he done to get here so far? What adventure was he able to go on? Especially for something as mundane as an egg (or eggs really)!

“Whiteeeeeeeyyy…”

The other boy jolted and threw him a small glare. He ignored it, continuing to release his pitiful whine.

“Didn’t I say to stop calling me that!”

“Whiteeeeeyyyyyy!”

“Knock it off, Nutcase!”

Jasper bared his teeth, tilting his head up enough so he was sure they’d be seen. “Don’t call me that!”

“Then call me by name,” Whitey huffed, before shoving a spoonful of soggy breakfast in his mouth. Then he paused and stared down at the dishware as if it had betrayed him. His mouth reopened allowing the food to splatter back into the bowl in a disgusting display. 

Jasper laughed loudly, momentarily distracted by the comedy happening in front of him. Free entertainment was always nice after all. Eventually though, he cleared his throat, getting back on task (it was rather important to him after all!). “Colors are much easier for me! What’s wrong with the color white anyway?”

Whitey snorted. “There’s nothing wrong with white,” and there went his nose into the air again, “but Whitey sounds stupid! I refuse to be called that.” The boy paused, that same mischievous grin returning. “How ‘bout I stop calling you anything nut related… if you remember my name ten days in a row! And you can’t cheat by writing it in that phone of yours!”

“Hah!?” Jasper sat upright like someone had shocked him. “That’s not fair!”

Whitey glanced at his hand, curling his fingers so he could observe his nails. “Oh, well, I guess if you can’t do it-”

“I can too!”

“You don’t even know my name,” Whitey scoffed. “It’s fine, it’s fine. I shouldn’t have proposed something unfair- ”

But Jasper wasn’t listening at this point, frantically clawing over the foggy memories of this morning. Whitey had mentioned his name, right? There had been a bunch of crates, a feeling of relief, looking at his phone… He bit his lip, chewing for a moment while he desperately tried to drag the words said back up. He wasn’t good with remembering words no matter what kind of day it was. Not unless it was something he focused much energy and attention on… and sometimes even then-

But he wanted to do it! He could do it!

He wanted to be seen by Whitey. He wanted those blueblueblue eyes to actually look at him. Whitey made everything around him fun and he made Jasper buzz with a strange happy energy. Already he was enamoured with the idea of being ‘friends’ that he had written on his phone. When he’d woken up, it had been interesting but not important beyond the fact that the whitette could probably be trusted. But now, after spending time with him, he was determined to get the other boy to like him too.

There was just one problem.

“I don’t remember you saying your name today,” he practically sobbed in frustration.

“Tch, that’s because I didn’t, idiot. My name is Killua! Kill-u-a!”

Jasper paused his pity party to start frantically repeating the name to himself. He mumbled it out loud and in his head he constantly repeated ‘Whitey is Killua’. Because he was absolutely determined to get this done! If he could get his phone and pouch figured out, he could remember one damn name.

Killua watched Nutty mumble to himself like the nutcase he was. Then he sighed and glanced down at his ruined breakfast. He’d waited too long to eat it. Ugh. Well, at least there was still the bacon. It would taste fine cold. 

He snagged a piece and popped it in his mouth happily chewing. It was so much better after the mess of his cereal. As he chewed, he pondered how much longer it could be before they reached the next stage.

Actually… they’d been in here for a while and there’d been no announcement of landing. They were supposed to land at eight, right? Killua was pretty sure it was past that time. He glanced around the room and spotted a clock over by the kitchen. Yup, definitely past that time.

Was this another phase like the first one? Had they already started somehow? There’d been no examiner so it couldn’t be, right? But then why weren’t they there? It did, of course, cross his mind that they could be late, but air vessels like this were hardly off schedule without wind turbulence. And they definitely would have felt that. There was none when they’d boarded last night and had to steer Nutcase to the food. There’d been none when he and Gon had ‘played’ with that annoying old man. There’d been none when he tracked down Nutty- who was actually hidden really well and he would have missed him if it wasn’t for the rough sound of his breathing- on Gon’s request to make sure he wasn’t ‘lonely’. There’d been none when he slept (he was a rather light sleeper after all) guarding the door and there had definitely been none when he’d woken up to the rustling of fabric and a curious face peeking out from the crates they’d been hidden behind.

Killua knew exactly what turbulence in an airship felt like. (That had been one interesting hit that Grandpa Zigg had accompanied him for back when he was first starting out… He didn’t like thinking about it.) The assassin was actually rather sensitive to wind turbulence in airships so he knew nothing like that had happened.

So what the hell was going on?

Ignoring Nutty who was determinedly repeating his name- and horrible nickname but if this is what it took to never hear it again…- the assassin stood up and sauntered over to the chefs behind the giant hole in the wall they call the kitchen window.

“Hey, aren’t we supposed to have landed by now?” 

His voice made everyone in the kitchen and cafeteria quiet down. Then the hushed whisperings started up behind him; the worries, the disbelief, the anger. He focused his attention on the blank faced chef staring at him from the window. The contest lasted far longer than he wanted it too, and Killua, finally starting to get annoyed, was about to snap and break something when the chef finally smiled and blinked. “Don’t worry, kid. There was just a small delay. We’ll be getting there in about an hour.”

Killua’s eye twitched. He could have gotten more sleep? Not that he needed it like most people but that didn’t mean he liked to give it up when he didn’t have to.

Screw this. He was going to take a nap.

And if he grabbed Nutty and dragged him (protests and all) behind him without a thought… Well, Killua didn’t realize until he was already settling back in their crate room. At that poing it would just be stupid to kick him out of the room again, so he settled down with a huff and a, “Just be quiet, dammit.”

It didn’t stop the muttering of his name. Nor did it stop him from falling asleep anyway.

Jasper wasn’t a threat.

Jasper was quite determined to win this little bet (he didn’t like being called Nutty). So determined that he almost forgot to write the details in his phone. Thankfully, he did, and he was also able to set an alarm after messing around for a few minutes. He never really used anything but the Notes thing so it took him far longer than he’d like to admit to figure it out. But he did. Eventually.

And now it was set for every thirty minutes as a reminder to himself of the bet and Whit- er, Killua’s name!

Then, he just sort of sat there watching the white haired boy. He was really pale, pretty close to Jasper’s own skin color now that he was thinking about it. Jasper raised his left hand in front of his face, palm facing Kill-u-a, and splayed his fingers. He could see the greeny blue lines trailing under his skin. Veins, Aunt Fei had told him once when he’d asked. They weren’t so visible on his chubby hands back then, his skin a darker color than what it was now.

Jasper pursed his lips and curled his fingers, watching them claw the air. His skin was closer to Mom’s now. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that.

He sighed and let his hand drop into his lap. He missed his family. He wanted them back. All of them. How much longer would this take? Would he be an adult by the time he found them? 

Would they still want him?

He bit his lip and pulled up his phone, right hand clenching it hard enough that his wrist was starting to twinge again. He swiped through some of the old note pages, flicking through the titles until he stopped on the very first one.

All it said was

‘FIND FAMILY’

It was, to date, his most frustrating but fulfilling entry. He didn’t remember the circumstances of how he was separated from his family, he didn’t remember how he got his hands on his phone, he didn’t even remember how he got to where he was now. But he did remember his family. He remembered how they loved him. His parents had always been there when he cried (rare as it was, Jasper could admit that it happened… if only in his own head), his aunt and uncles were always there to show him new things, help him make discoveries, and play with him. His questions never went unanswered, his tummy never hungry, and his heart never empty.

Jasper sniffled and tilted his head back to keep his burning tears from falling. There was no reason for him to be crying, dammit! Today was a good day and good days should be used towards getting better and getting things done.

He was going to find his family and they were definitely going to be happy he was back! There’d be pride in Daddy’s eyes for finding his own way home!

His phone chiming merrily in his fingers startled him and he glanced down at it. 

Oh. The alarm. Right. Had it already been thirty minutes?

He glanced up at the other boy as he dismissed the alarm. Though the boy had shifted slightly, head now facing outwards instead of tucked between his knees, it hadn’t woken him. Good. 

Now… Whitey’s name is Killua...

The rest of his time in the crate room passed quickly. Jasper distracted himself from sad thoughts by thinking of Killua and hoping to see Greenie and the others soon. Blondie sounded nice and Mister Drab seemed okay. Though, he had a weird note about not being an adult even if he looked like one. 

Finally his alarm chirped again only minutes before an announcement rang throughout the ship. Killua popped up like he’d never been sleeping and threw his hands above his head for a stretch. Jasper admired the immediate alertness. He wondered how the boy could do that. When he woke up this morning, he was super slow.

“Alright… let’s go see if we can track down Gon,” Killua hummed, shaking out his legs before heading towards the door.

“Oh! That’s the one you said would tell me about the eggventure,” Jasper chirped happily.

“Eggventure? No, wait,” Killua paused and turned to stare at him with wide eyes. “You remember I said that?”

Jasper huffed in offense. “I said I would. I know my memory sucks! But I also know when it’s a good day and I can remember better!”

Killua was still staring at him. “But… that makes no sense! Memory doesn’t work like that! What- How-!?”

“I dunno! I just do,” he said. He’d always been different, even before his memory issues. His family had been okay with that. So any friends should too, right? “Does it matter?”

“Yes! No! Argh! Nevermind- Let’s just- just go find Gon. He’s probably passed out in that training room,” the white haired boy finished in a barely audible mutter as he yanked open the door and trudged out into the hallway.

Jasper followed after a moment but his mind was still stuck on his ‘friend’s’ answer. What did that even mean? Did that mean the boy didn’t accept him? Would never accept him? Because he was different? Or was it something else bothering the boy?

He had the feeling that if he asked he would be receiving no answers any time soon. 

Eventually, they did end up finding Gon- who turned out to be Greenie!- who had already woken up and made his way to the viewing area where the exit door was. Blondie and Miser Drab were there with him and chatting about the large tower of stone that they were fast approaching.

“So, how was your night Jas,” Greenie asked as Killua pushed himself into the group after a cheery greeting between all of them.

“I woke up with dirt on my face,” he informed the boy blandly, thoughts still rotating around Killua and his ‘friend’ status. He did actually want the boy as his friend but did Killua want him back? They had laughed together… or had it been more Jasper laughing at Killua? Was he putting too much effort in a friendship that hadn’t even really started?

“Oh.” Everyone paused and turned to look at him. “Wait, does that mean you remember waking up?” There was a bit of excitement in the younger boy’s tone and it made Jasper’s lips crawl up from the frown they had settled in ever since leaving the crate room. Greenie had a very contagious enthusiasm about him. He was also much more pleasant than Killua. While Killua gave him a buzzy feeling of wanting to run and jump, Greenie gave him a warm feeling that wrapped around him like a safe warm blanket. Also, unlike Killua, Greenie’s feeling had fallen over Jasper as soon as his eyes landed on the darker haired boy.

“That’s right. It’s a good day today,” he cheerily informed him.

“Wait,” Mister Drab cut in. “What exactly is a good day?”

“I’m assuming it’s a day where your memory is better,” Blondie added thoughtfully before he could say anything, tapping a finger to his chin.

He looked at the two of them, tilting his head a bit to the side to see out from under his hood better without having to lean back. Mister Drab was pretty much as described in his notes. If he hadn’t written that the guy wasn’t an adult, he definitely would have mistaken him for one. He just looked like every other business bore that wandered down the streets of major cities. 

Blondie, on the other hand, looked young, though there seemed to be some kind of… Eh. Jasper wasn’t exactly sure what he could call it. But Blondie seemed very… angsty? It was almost like a hidden cloud around him. Weird. But it didn’t have to make him not nice so he’d trust his past notes for now. After all, the more people that were on his side, the better chance he would get his License. People were useful like that.

“Blondie is right,” he confirmed after a moment. “Good days are days when I don’t have so much trouble remembering. Of course, I forget about them pretty quickly but they’re nice while they last.”

Killua, off to Greenie’s other side, had a furrow between his brow and his eyes were darting side to side as if he was trying to figure out some complex math problem. Jasper didn’t really understand what was so hard to get about his good days but if the whitette wanted to overthink a simple problem he’d leave him to it. He’d rather not get called Nutty again any time soon after all.

Mister Drab was straight up scratching his head, with a scrunched up face as if he had to go poo really badly. “That doesn’t make sense… Or maybe it has happened before? I’ll have to look up studies and-”

Jasper tuned him out, focusing on Greenie’s happy, “Oh! I got it! That’s really cool! Do you think you’ll still need reminders?”

“Reminders?”

“Yeah! I’ve been helping you out by reminding you about the Hunter exam,” Greenie hummed happily.

Oh. That was really nice of him. No wonder seeing Greenie had evoked a sense of safety! “I’d really like that!”

They didn’t get to talk much after that though because the airship landed and they were shepherded out onto the hot desert stones. The wind was whipping around them and Jasper reached up to make sure his hood wouldn’t fly off.

“This is Trick Tower! You have seventy two hours to reach the bottom. The start of Phase Three begins now! Good luck,” a little man with a bean for a head (and Jasper most certainly did a double take at that because- what?) announced. Then he slipped back into the air ship and it took off, leaving every examinee to their fates.

Jasper grinned and turned to go bug Greenie and Killua.

Chapter Text

He stared at the stone ceiling in shock, sprawled as he was on the ground. He had literally taken two steps towards Greenie and Killua and suddenly he was falling. He’d been so startled that he hadn’t even tried to catch himself, instead whacking his head painfully as he landed.

Jasper whimpered softly.

He’d literally been five steps away from them and now they were gone… or he was gone. Whatever. It just meant that he wasn’t around them any longer.

No. No. This was fine. It was fine. He just had to get to the bottom because that’s where everyone was going to be headed. He’d just… meet them down there.

Still, he allowed himself to wallow on the floor a little while longer. Until the rough scratch of stone caught his attention. Then he sat up quickly (owie… his head…) to watch as someone else tumbled into the room with him. They, unfortunately, landed much more gracefully than he had. He pulled his feet together with both hands and watched the buff man carefully. His hair had been shaved close to his head and his muscles were pretty prominent. His clothes were a plain t-shirt and camouflage printed pants tucked into heavy looking brown ankle boots. And when the man turned around he caught sight of the gritted square jaw, clean shaven face- plus adorning scowl-, and dark greyish eyes.

“A kid? Of course, I get stuck with the kid,” the man sighed. 

Jasper, already disliking the newcomer because he was an adult, suddenly found himself in a darker mood, his guard slamming up. He’d gotten a little lax with the ease of the morning and he wouldn’t be making that mistake again. Here, this man was an enemy.

“Don’t suppose you know what to do next, brat?”

He shook his head, unwilling to even talk to this guy. He had looked around when he’d first fallen to make sure nothing was going to hurt him in the room, though he hadn’t gotten around to doing a more thorough check just yet because he’d been on the floor. What he had noted was the very big screen in the room with, what looked like, a small pillar underneath it. Now that he was sitting up, he could make out something resting atop it, but… the man was much closer. 

Jasper pursed his lips. If that pillar was critical and the man got to it first… But there was nothing he could do at this exact moment because the man was closer to the pillar and also on guard. Jasper could probably take him down… but it would likely cost him. And it would be his own fault too because he’d been sad over getting separated from the strange group of maybe-friends instead of focused on getting through this task.

Before anything else could be said or done, another person fell into the room. This one a woman that let out a pitchy shriek when she hit the floor with a heavy thump. Jasper felt a tiny bit better about his fall now.

The woman whimpered a bit before peeling herself off the floor, her grey hair stuck out of her low bun messily, giving her an over all frumpy appearance combined with her overly large green scratchy looking sweater and swishy brown calf length skirt. She wasn’t wearing any good shoes. Instead, a thin pair of sandals that wrapped around her ankles with gold straps were the only protection for her feet. At least his shoes covered his feet even though there was a hole or two in them.

“Alright. Perfect. Three people just like the screen says,” the man rumbled, glancing back over to the pillar.

“W-what?” The woman sounded rather nervous and jittery.

The man jerked his head, gesturing to the screen. Jasper allowed himself to look as well since the other two were distracted.

‘CHOICE OF THE WAY

RULE OF MAJORITY

For the three candidates

Your way is chosen

By rule of majority’

That meant… that two people outvoted one right? Or something like that.

The adults moved over to the pillar but Jasper stayed where he was, instead choosing to take the time to stand while they were distracted. He checked his pouch, shifting the fabric of his robe enough to stick his hand into the hole he had cut just for this purpose. It was usually pretty well covered by the way the fabric fell and it was easier access than having to remove his robe or undo the front of it. Once he affirmed that everything was still alright (while pulling out his phone at the same time to check it had survived okay) he brought his other hand to pat at the satchel that was sitting on his other hip. He didn’t have a hidden hole on this side, so he couldn’t stick his hand in to check on the egg container but he could at least make sure that nothing moved that wasn’t supposed. Thankfully, it still seemed firm which probably meant unbroken.

Assured that his belongings were okay, he checked over his phone more thoroughly, making sure it still turned on and there were no cracks in the screen.

“Here kid, put this on.”

His head snapped up and he snatched the object out of the air (wincing again because having a hurt wrist was extremely inconvenient) to look at it. A… watch of some sort sat innocently in his hand. There was a screen that had some numbers counting down… that he figured was their time limit since it was at 71 hours and 32 minutes. Then there were two other buttons, an X and an O. Besides that there was nothing on it.

He glanced up at the adults. The woman was strapping hers on and the man had already turned back around to look at the screen again.

Jasper slipped it on quietly before returning to his phone and typing a new entry. He’d need to remember that he had to work with the adults for this round since it was longer than just a day. A few seconds later his alarm started chiming again.

He stared at it in muted surprise. Then his shoulders drooped. Whitey was Killua… and Killua and Greenie weren’t here. Instead, he was stuck with two adults he didn’t trust… but that he had to work with. He was absolutely going to hate this.

“Wonderful! You’re the first of the Rule of Majority paths to be ready. Now that everyone is here, listen closely. To advance through the tower you must all vote on a way to go. Majority’s choice! If only one or two vote you will be unable to move on. The difficulty is that cooperating is essential!”

“So… we can’t pick a choice on someone else’s watch?” The woman shifted nervously, glancing up at the crackling speakers on the walls.

“A good question! Only the person wearing the watch may press the button. Otherwise it will be considered invalid,” Mystery Examiner exclaimed.

“O-oh. In that case sweetie... Don’t worry, we’ll take care of you,” she said, directing a small smile at him. 

The man groaned and rubbed his face. “Why do I have to get stuck with the useless ones?”

It was official. Jasper definitely already hated this.

“Fight well participants!”

The speakers turned off and they all glanced at each other.

“W-well, I suppose if we’re working together it’s only fair to share our names, right? I’m M-Melissa,” the woman chirped, running her fingers over her hair and smoothing some of the wild pieces still sticking out.

“Braham,” the man grunted.

Then the two of them were looking at him and, uh, like hell he was going to give them his name. How about instead he gave them fair warning? “Just so you know. I’m probably not going to remember your names. I have a bad memory.”

The woman twitched- or flinched? He wasn’t sure which- while the man scoffed. He was going to need better nicknames for them. Hm.

“I-I see… That’s alright sweetie. What’s your name, though?”

He disliked her even more for pushing. Wasn’t it obvious that he didn’t want to answer because he didn’t give his name?

Fine. He could play this game. “I don’t remember,” he replied bluntly.

Both adults stared at him.

The man moved first, throwing his arms in the air. “Let’s just move on!”

“B-But-”

“The kid obviously doesn’t like us. Feeling’s mutual,” he huffed. “But we’re on a time limit so- Let’s. Go.”

The woman wilted, her escaped gray strands falling in her face. Hm. Gray was an okay color. Kinda dull but it would work for his mental name calling purposes. And the guy could be Camo because of… obvious reasons.

“Screen changed,” Camo muttered, reading over the letters. 

Jasper glanced up to read it. It was a choice of left or right. He pushed X for right not really caring which way they started out. Camo and Gray pushed O.

He frowned for a moment, watching a door appear to their left, stones sliding and shifting to accommodate the newly opened space. He glanced down at his watch and then at the two adults that had already started walking away. He hadn’t really cared which way they went… so why did it annoy him that they weren’t going the way he picked?

“A-Are you coming sweetie?”

He let out a disgusted sigh and trotted after his two new companions for this adventure. This was going to be some kind of torture if he couldn’t figure out a way to distract himself. He’d still pay attention (because letting his guard down was a bad idea) but he needed something to take his mind off having to rely on two adults. Two adults that outvoted him.

Oh! Hey! Maybe he could write down what he was doing in his phone so that way he remembered. He could write it out like an adventure story or something! That way he could look back on it and not have to ask someone else… 

Hm. He still hadn’t gotten the eggventure story yet.

Argh! Why’d he have to forget about that!? Now he was going to agonize over it until he forgot again!

Leorio glanced at his watch again, feeling the irritation build in the back of his throat. It had already been an hour and a half! How long were they going to have to sit here!?

“The idiot called it an eggventure. Pretty funny actually! Just don’t tell him I said that,” Killua laughed.

He glanced over at the two boys, Killua messing with his skateboard and sitting cross legged on the floor and Gon standing and swaying in place with a grin on his face. They were discussing Jasper, of course. Apparently Killua had spent quite a bit of time with the boy this morning because they had woken up early. (Early enough to get breakfast and Leorio might be slightly regretting the fact that he had missed it.) Now he was regaling Gon about what had happened since the boy had asked.

The aspiring doctor let out a breath through his nose, letting his head fall back against the rough stone behind him.

He was worried about the kid. Despite Killua confirming he had a better memory today, he couldn’t stop himself from over thinking about the child’s condition. He’d heard of Retrograde Amnesia only in passing when he’d been generally looking into Amnesia for curiosity’s sake. He knew there were a few different types but even raking his memory he couldn’t remember anything that sounded close to what Jasper suffered from. Maybe if the kid had continued to go on like yesterday, he could have been happy with that diagnosis… but now? Memory getting better? Unless his brain was healing at an astronomical rate, things shouldn’t just work like that.

And then there was the inconsistency with memory. Remembering his family was normal because they were before whatever trauma had happened… but anything beyond that point should have been impossible. Maybe Procedural Memory could be explained depending on what part of the brain was injured, but his feelings of ‘good days’ and ‘bad days’? The kid shouldn’t even know what those are. The kid shouldn’t even know he has a bad memory for heaven’s sake!

Maybe Leorio was thinking about this too hard. Maybe he just needed to wait until he had his license so he could actually go study up on the topic before jumping to conclusions.

It just… it was hard seeing such a bright boy suffering from such a confusing condition. And now he wasn’t even here where they could watch him. He was, in fact, one of the first to disappear into the tower- more than likely accidentally- and none of their group had noticed because they were too distracted by the rock climber getting carried away to his doom.

He shifted his head forward, only to drop it back against the rock with a groan. He wanted to stop thinking already dammit!

“Wait! He’s trying to learn your name? I want him to know my name too,” Gon whined, shifting on his feet enough to catch the older teen’s attention again.

“Is Greenie not good enough for you?” Killua laughed, rolling some of the wheels on his skateboard that sat over his knees upside down.

“He seriously calls Gon, Greenie?” Kurapika asked. The Kurta had been quiet for most of the time they’d been down here so him speaking up was enough to make Leorio jump. He glanced at the blonde from his periphery. He was in an upright position only a foot away but was leaning against the wall, arms crossed, and attention stuck on the boys.

“Yea! And he calls me Whitey! Ugh, it’s a horrible name! And he calls you Blondie,” the kid said pointing at Kurapika. The finger moved, “And you-”

“Mister Drab,” Leorio cut in dryly. Yes, he was very well aware of what the kid called him.

Kurapika snorted next to him, while Gon laughed brightly. He rolled his eyes. At least he got some respect with the Mister in his ridiculous name.

Leorio glanced at his watch again automatically. He didn’t even realize he’d done it until his brain processed the time and his irritation skyrocketed.

“Already two hours,” he growled.

“Would you knock that off!”

Jasper took a step back, his stance shifting into a more ready position. Should he drop his phone and hope it didn’t break, or try to keep hold of it? How much of a disadvantage would that put him at?

“S-So loud,” Gray whimpered, her hands covering her ears. Jasper shot her a quick glare full of his disdain before turning his attention back to Camo who was huffing and puffing in front of both of them. His phone alarm was still beeping merrily in a reminder to go over Whitey’s name ( Killua. Killua. Killua!). 

“Turn it off!”

“It’s helping me remember,” he returned bluntly. He wasn’t going to lose this bet because Mr. Short Temper thought he could control what Jaser did. Just no. Though he did dismiss the most recent alarm with his thumb while keeping an eye on his ‘teammate’.

“H-he’s sort of right, sweetie,” Gray decided to pitch in now that she wasn’t cowering. Again. “I-it’s a little annoying.”

“And?”

“And that means turn it off before I break your phone,” Camo growled, shoulders tensing. “If I have to hear that damn thing one more time, I’m going to shatter it under my foot!”

He shifted a bit at the threat. He refused to give in just because they thought he was a useless kid and they were big bad adults. But, at the same time, he really needed his phone and he, unfortunately, needed Camo. He couldn’t risk getting rid of either and messing up his chances to get a Hunter’s License. His family was worth more than being stubborn.

He sighed, quite loudly, just to annoy them. “I’ll put it on vibrate.”

At least the volume was easy to figure, it just being two buttons on the side of the phone.

“Are you going to choose who goes first or not,” a rough voice called out from across the large room.

Oh, right. They were supposed to be doing one on one battles or something. They’d been about to pick who was first before the phone alarm went off again. Which then set off Camo and derailed their decision making process. Eh. He’d change the volume in a bit. This was more interesting and important.

Jasper didn’t exactly want to go at all. He worked better with surprise attacks, not full on combat like the prisoners across from them seemed keen on. “I’ll go last,” he finally said quietly. That way he wouldn’t have to do anything if these two both won (though he eyed Gray dubiously).

“S-sure, sweetie! We’ll take care of t-this,” she responded with little cheer. Her face had greyed out and she was shivering, her tongue appearing to wet her lips every now and then. And… there was just this strange feeling that he didn’t want to be around her. She felt… darker.

“Fine! I’ll be first,” Camo growled, obviously still worked up about the phone thing. The man stepped out onto the walkway and made his way over to the large platform in the middle of the room. When he was fully on the platform the walkway retracted so neither he nor Gray could reach it. Not that he’d want to… except maybe if Camo was going to die because then they wouldn’t be able to go further down the tower without a third member, right?

Urgh.

Just as he thought, it turned into a battle to the death. He paid rapt attention, making sure to note down in his phone that Camo was a hand to hand fighter, and relied more on muscle than agility. Jasper would probably be able to take him down with patience if he ended up facing him in another portion of the exam.

Unfortunately for Camo, the prisoner was a weapon fighter and carried several knives. The large adult had already taken several hits from the more wily and thin prisoner which was starting to cost him. It was going to be annoying if those injuries hindered them more on their way down!

Still… in the end, Camo won the fight by snagging Mr. Wily- at the cost of a knife carving into his side- and chucking him over the side of the torch-lit platform. The prisoner disappeared with a muted shriek.

Next up was Gray and she hurried over the walkway as it extended for her. Once, she and the newer, much bigger prisoner, were settled on the platform, the walkway detracted. Jasper turned a bit to look over the sluggishly bleeding cuts on Camo.

“Are those going to be a problem?”

“Shut your mouth, brat,” he bit back.

Right. He turned back to Gray to focus on her fight instead. Could she even fight? She seemed so timid and mousy that it seemed really unlikely. Underestimating an opponent could get you killed, he knew that.. But she was just… so… ergh.

The prisoner, deciding their standoff was over, threw off the cloak hugging his rather large form. And… wow, did he look like a gross mountain man. He had buggy eyes, bulging muscles with prominent veins, and an awkward stance that left him looking bow-legged.

Poor Gray probably stood very little chance against this guy and it made Jasper rather irritated. If he’d been worried Camo would die and leave him unable to pass this Phase, then Gray had just doubled that.

“A pretty little thing like you,” the large man hummed. “Makes me want to have fun instead. What about it, huh? Death or something a little more fun?”

Jasper frowned in confusion. What exactly was this guy getting at? Weren’t these all supposed to be battles? They could do other stuff instead? It might be a good thing then for Gray. A different kind of competition would give her a chance.

“You-! Wha-!?”

Gray took several steps back for the single step the man had taken. “I can just kill you right here. Up to you. But it would be such a shame. It’s been so long after all.”

Another step forward and he was right in Gray’s personal space, snatching up her wrist. “O-Okay! Okay,” she whimpered.  “Second option! I choose the- the s-second option!”

“What a good girl. Let’s see how many rounds you can go. After all, I’ve got all the time in the world to whittle your hours down.”

Jasper twitched, a sudden sense of foreboding slithering down his spine. He had the feeling that he wasn’t going to like what was going to happen next. 

Those large disgusting hands started traveling downwards towards Gray’s smaller body and-

Camo stepped in front of him, slipping two hands over his ears, startling him badly enough that his phone dropped to the floor with a clatter. How could he have let the man get so close!? How could he have let his guard down when it should have been at its highest? His own hands came up to start tearing at Camo’s but they held fast and-

Screaming. 

So much screaming.

Was that- was that Gray?

But no- no- there were more screams-

Pain-

Moaning in pain-

What a good boy.

He couldn’t move-

And the hands on his head, in his hair-

Grasping, ripping, pulling!

The noises just kept going and going and going and why wouldn’t they stop!? He just wanted them to be quiet. He wanted them to stop screaming. He wanted to stop screaming screaming screaming -

Why wouldn’t they stop?

He was going to break. He was broken. It all hurthurthurt .

NO!

Nobody listened to the screams but him. No one asked them to stop. No one tried. They never listened.

What a good boy.

He didn’t want this.

He couldn’t stop screaming!

Would they still want him?

Make the hands go away! He needed to get them off! Stop! Stop!!

He clawed and clawed but they remained firm and relentless.

Then they were gone.

He breathed and breathed and breathed.

Redredred.

“Kid. Just… stay there.”

He didn’t want to stay. He wanted to leave. He needed to never come back.

“W-What’s wrong with him?”

Wrong wrong wrong

Broken.

He needed to leave. Leave before they saw him. Leave before they caught him. It was never enough. But he didn’t have to be enough. He needed to leave.

“Think I triggered something. Trauma. Damn. If he doesn’t snap out of this we aren’t going anywhere.”

Going? Leaving? Yes. They needed to leave. He told them over and over they needed to leave.

“Alright kid. We can leave. You can follow us right?”

Follow? But he’d always led… Always, always, always. He knew more. He knew-

Redredred

A cheery beeping sounded from the ground. He blinked away the wash of red, his shaking hands clutching at his aching chest. That-that wasn’t right-? That never happened?

Why wasn’t he breathing? It hurt.

He sucked in another breath and another and another. 

That noise… it was… it was… his alarm? But-

Where did they go? The children? The screams?

He blinked blearily.

“Didn’t I tell you to turn that off!”

Camo…

“B-But look! It h-helped! I think…”

Gray…

“Kid? You back with us?”

“B-back,” Jasper wheezed questioningly. “I never left.”

The two adults glanced at each other before turning back to him. Camo looked the same, but Gray’s hair was dyed a splotchy dark reddish brown and there were splatters of it all over her face and sweater. When did that happen…?

He brought his shaking hands away from his face to gaze at his pale palms. What happened? Why did he feel like he was missing time?

“Look kid. We passed this round. Have to move on. Pick up your phone and let’s go. And put it on vibrate like you said you would, dammit!”

Still confused and quite dazed, he did as ordered, checking his phone over for cracks and finding none. He couldn’t remember anything past Grey walking onto the platform…

When he went to follow after the two adults, his legs quivered beneath him.

Today was supposed to be a good day. What happened?

Chapter Text

Jasper frowned down at the watch. Had it already been over thirty hours? They hadn’t slept at all, had they? His phone, filled with new and interesting notes and little storytelling tidbits, indicated that no, no they hadn’t. No wonder he was having trouble keeping his eyes open.

Not that he wanted to sleep around Camo or Gray but… he couldn’t exactly stay awake for three days straight! Not that he was going to say anything to the two adults that were tromping into the next room a few paces ahead of him. They were probably tired too but… he honestly couldn’t focus well enough to see.

“Finally! The last damn room! Wait… seriously?”

At the very quiet disbelief, Jasper sped up. Camo he had come to learn was very loud. So for him to be quiet? 

“50 hours… O-or only one of us…?”

Gray sounded off as well. She didn’t raise her voice but the tone of it sounded… harder almost?

“What are you guys talking about,” he grumbled, stumbling into the room. He paused at the glass display cases lining the room. There were plenty of old looking weapons but there also seemed to be vials of some kind. He blinked at them before looking at where Camo and Gray were facing each other.

There was a tension in the air now that made his hackles raise.

“N-no hard feelings, huh s-sweeties,” Gray cooed ( she actually cooed what the heck was going on? ) as she shook her hands, catching the daggers that fell from her sleeves.

“The hell! You go straight to attacking?” Camo growled, his stance firming up.

“Psh. L-like any of us are going to want to give up! And we d-don't have nearly enough time to go the l-long route because of y-your u-useless ass. Not that I’d w-want to of course,” she hummed, her fingers tapping idly on the daggers hilts.

Jasper knew a fight was imminent (he was awake and aware so much more so than a minute ago) and he immediately crouched next to a display case, focusing on limiting his presence as much as possible. If they forgot he was here he would have the advantage. He could just go after whoever was left.

“You’re one messed up chick,” Camo scoffed, starting to circle warily. Gray easily matched his steps. “A honeypot, huh?”

“A w-woman’s gotta do what a woman’s got-gotta do,” she chuckled. “B-besides who would e-ever expect me, hm? M-My stutter is pretty helpful that w-way.”

“Tch.” Camo’s mouth twisted in a sneer and he lunged. He was slow though, most likely from fatigue and blood loss. Gray was also more agile. It was tugging at something in his memory. A kind of deja vu from earlier in the day, but Jasper was much too focused to try and chase after his foggy memories.

It was a pretty brutal fight; fast paced, and bloody. As it was happening, Jasper had slowly started arming himself. His phone went back into the pouch to be replaced by his trusty survival knife, the leather sheath staying put away, and his steel wire was wrapped securely around his right wrist.

He was not about to lose his chance to get a Hunter’s License. And if it required a sacrifice or two, so be it. Besides, Uncle Lin always told him that self-defense was important and if it went too far… well, he was more important than them. 

In the next few seconds Camo went down hard. His back slammed against the stone floors and Gray stood above him with that wretched aura that definitely felt way too familiar. Her face was more of a gray color and her tongue snuck out to wipe away a spot of red. She was completely focused on the man in front of her.

Jasper chose that moment to strike. It was hard to judge the exact sweet spot on her back considering the puffiness of her sweater, so he didn’t even try to aim there. Instead he aimed for the ankles. With her skirt pressing high against the back of her calves as she leaned forward, they were the easiest target to get. Gray went down with a yowl, falling directly on top of Camo who wasted no time in wrapping his arms around her neck and wrangling her into a better position for crushing her throat.

He paused… staring at the two predators going at each other, rolling around on the floor. Large, wide eyes watched patiently, waiting for his next moment. One threat was easier than two.

Except he didn’t have to do anything else for Gray eventually fell limp and Camo had two knives sticking out from his gut. They were both down… but not out yet. He had to make sure. He wouldn’t turn his back on someone playing dead, after all. Better safe than sorry.

He crept over quietly, his robe barely a wisp of sound in the quiet room. Gray’s brown eyes were wide and staring, mouth slack. But Camo… he was watching with half lidded grey eyes. They looked pained, a furrow between his brow, mouth twisted into a heavy frown.

“That… wa-was a nasty thing to do, kid.”

He said nothing, only watching from the shadow of his hood.

“Tch. Such a brat. After all the,” Camo paused to cough, “help I’ve given you. First you try to claw my hands off… now you’re gonna finish me. Heh. Shoulda known. S’always the quiet ones… s’always the unexpected. Never shoulda… shoulda let my guard down. Hey. Do me a favor. Make it quick. I’d rather not- not hang around for the next few hours… if I’m just- just gonna die anyway…”

He could do that. But should he even risk getting close to the bear trap of his arms? It was much safer to just stay away and wait.

“Such… a brat,” Camo huffed after Jasper had refused to move for over a minute. “Fine. Be that way… S’not like you can go anywhere with Honeypot over here dead anyway. She- she can’t vote anymore. S-So least I’ll have company.”

Vote…?

Why was a vote needed? 

No wait.

Jasper twitched, his body stiffening. Hadn’t he written something on his phone about them all being needed to move on? Why- Oh no. Oh nonono!

He jerked upright and scrambled over to the screen.

‘X - LONG PATH

Over fifty hours of grueling rooms that will pass all three applicants

O - SHORT PATH

The quickest path for only one applicant’

He gaped at the screen. Was this what had caused the fight? Was this-? But why? If they were all needed, then why try to kill each other!?

He spun back around, heat building in his chest and filling his mouth with rage. “Why,” he thundered, storming back over to the prone man. “WHY!?”

Camo chuckled. “Dunno ‘bout her… but she was annoying. Honestly, she was probably aiming to force my vote. But, I’m already a dead man. Too much blood loss. S-So, I don’t mind… taking her with me.”

“You-! You ruined-! How dare you! How dare you how dare you how dare you! ”

He fell upon the man with righteous anger, his knife going in and out and in and out and-

Jasper fell back onto his butt with a sob. He ignored the ever growing redredred that stained his hands and clothes. How was he supposed to find his family if he couldn’t get a Hunter’s License? How could he go back to them and tell him that he was a failure!?

Would they still want him?

His chest hurt and his eyes burned and he just couldn’t get enough air. His fingers curled into fists that he smashed into the stone over and over. It. Just. Wasn’t. Fair! 

He screamed and sobbed and screamed until-

Until, he woke up with a groan. His thoughts were muggy and his body stiff. What happened-?

He shifted, trying to look around, without moving too much and caught sight of the large black screen.

Oh.

Right.

He had already failed.

He shivered on the floor, just lying there staring up at the ceiling. He didn’t want to get up and be reminded of what happened. Of what he should have stopped if only he’d actually spoken up about needing rest. He obviously wasn’t thinking straight and-

Something buzzed against his hip.

He blinked. It buzzed again.

Jasper pushed himself up with a groan, gagging at the horrid state of his clothes. He’d been laying in a puddle. Gross.

He shoved his injured hand (dirtied wrappings and all)- ignoring the sharp pain- into his pouch to yank out his phone. It buzzed harshly in his hand, an alarm flashing across the screen. The title read, ‘Remember Whitey’s Name!’

Jasper sucked in a breath, his lungs greedily accepting the inflow of air. Whitey… Whitey’s name was… was…

With the lack of name popping into his head, his frustration only grew sharper and sharper, curdling in his stomach and making it harder to draw breath again. Why couldn’t he remember? Why did he have to be so useless- such a failure- why-

He jerked and slammed his hand onto the stone floor again. They were red and stinging, some of his knuckles already split and beading with blood. He didn’t care.

He didn’t want to cry again and yet the tears still fell. He didn’t want to scream again and yet his voice wouldn’t shut up.

He jerked his head, trying to literally shake the tears from his face but it did nothing beyond making him dizzy enough to collapse on his side. He sniffled, very upset at his bodily leakages, but still not being able to stop it.

Teary eyes drifted towards the bodies next to him. He was actually really upset at what he did. Not to Gray. She deserved it for being the one to start everything even if her death was… a really big inconvenience. But he did feel kinda sad for Camo. The man had been a jerk but… he’d asked for a quick end and instead-

“I-I didn’t mean to kill you,” he slurred, his throat rough and scratchy. Then he paused. That sounded familiar. “I didn’t meaaaan… No. Kill you? Kill… you… Killyou! Kill-u. Kill-u-a! Ah! Whitey’s name is Killua,” he exclaimed happily, jolting up into a sitting position.

And Killua and Greenie were going to be waiting for him… and he wasn’t going to be able to see them. Would they even care if he doesn’t make it? He slumped over again.

He glanced down at his watch. Thirty-one hours left.

Then he glanced at his still buzzing phone. The battery indicator at the top was blinking red which wasn’t a good sign. He would need to charge it soon. He swiped the alarm away and opened up his notes to get himself caught up on anything he may have forgotten. He fell, he needed everyone, the tournament, the puzzles, that one room that required him to crawl through a vent, a message to eat sometime soon…

Hm. Had he eaten yet? He read through the rest of the short notes, ending on ‘haven’t slept in thirty hours’, before coming to the conclusion that he hadn’t actually eaten yet. That may actually explain why he felt so exhausted and weak still.

Oops.

He sniffled again, his running nose and still burning eyes causing his fluctuating emotions to steer right back towards irritation. Maybe food would help because Jasper hated being upset like this. It was never good for him or anyone around him. ( redredred )

With a soft huff, he reached out to start undoing the hidden buttons on the front of his robe. He shoved his hood off next and yanked the strap of the satchel over his head so he could more easily pull it into his lap. The top flipped off easily and he tugged the zipper open so he could get to the food inside. The plastic container was still surrounded by those cold blocks but they looked more… melted than before and the cold wasn’t nearly as strong. He was surprised they lasted so long actually.

His attention turned to the eggs though because those were the real prize. He carefully pulled out the container, noting that a corner of it was cracked, and popped the lid off. A dark egg was pulled out and he tapped it on the ground to crack the shell.

Jasper peeled and ate three of them in quick succession because they were just so goooood!

But when the fourth egg was in his hand, hovering above the floor, he stopped. Did he have any food other than this? No, definitely not. So, what was he doing? Food should be stretched and saved!

Argh!

Jasper sucked on his bottom lip before pouting and grumbling and shoving the egg back into the container. He still had a long time to get to the bottom of this stupid tower so resources like food should be saved.

After mournfully stowing the container back into the satchel, he slipped everything back on and pulled his hood back over his head, relishing the comforting feel of the fabric. With a quick note in his phone that he ate at (he checked his watch and growled at the time lost) 30 hours left, he pushed himself into standing. It took a moment or two for the dizzy feeling to fade but after that he was fine.

Directly avoiding looking at the bodies, he ambled over to the display cases against the wall. The old looking weapons wouldn’t do him much good (especially since he had no way to carry them) but the vials… Well, those were filled with some noxious looking liquids. Some swirled almost like a fog in their glass, others sat heavy in the bottom of the vial, and more still bubbled like a boiling liquid. Unfortunately, none of them were labeled.

With a hum, he moved on to the two doors to either side of the large screen, the largest that he had yet to see since the first room. He read the words again carefully before deciding that it really probably was the last room… if he could open the door to the quick route that is. There were no markings to say which was which.

Okay. First things first! He determinedly turned towards Camo and Gray and marched over to them. He started with Gray, grabbing her cold stiff wrist and jamming his finger down on the ‘O’. Then he did the same with Camo’s and then his own. He glanced up at the screen but there was no change.

Fine. If they had to push their own buttons he’d just use their fingers. Except Gray was super stiff and there might have been a crack or two (that he blatantly ignored and definitely did not wince at) when he forced her other hand to to push the ‘O’ button. The same problem/solution occurred with Camo and Jasper finally moved onto his own watch with relief.

Still no change.

Jasper let out a short screech before cutting himself off. He hated how the noise had broken the strange silence that had settled over the room. He hated that he couldn’t stop himself from making it in the first place.

He hated hated hated that burning building back up in his belly and that sting in his eyes when face already throbbed from crying so much.

In his frustrated rage he smashed the nearest display case (not caring if the glass scratched at his hand) and chucked a few vials at the nearest door.

And was promptly bowled over at the resulting explosion.

With a coughing gasp, Jasper sat up, wincing at the new bruises already forming from where he was flung into the wall like a ragdoll. His ears were ringing unpleasantly and the air reeked of something he couldn’t identify. He pulled at his robe to cover his nose and mouth. Whatever was in the air, he was pretty sure he didn’t want to breathe it in. A few moments later, the purple haze that had settled over everything cleared enough that he could see the giant hole where a door used to be.

He blinked at it. Blinked again. Rubbed his eyes with his left hand- his right still injured and holding his robe- despite the burning still persisting. Then he carefully stood, testing his limbs to make sure nothing felt off beyond slight twinging. Careful steps and disbelieving paranoia dragged him down as he made his way closer to the hole. There he could see remnants of what looked like black slime releasing wisps of purple smoke clinging to (and eating at?) the broken stone where the door used to sit.

He hurried past that, not keen on being near the unnatural colored smoke.

Now… luck had certainly been a key factor for that whole… thing… But was it the right door? How far did he have to go to be able to tell? And if it wasn't, was he going to be able to go back and somehow repeat what happened before? He didn’t even remember what vials he had grabbed…

With thoughts like those circling in his head, Jasper pushed forward, keeping his robe up just in case, as he marched into the ever darkening corridor. Unfortunately, it started to get so dark that he shoved his left hand against the rough wall so he knew he wasn’t going to run into it if it suddenly curved.

Well.

It wasn’t the wall that curved.

A yelp and some horrified flailing later, Jasper sat up with a groan. He was against all this abuse! Could he get a refund on bruises today?

He pushed himself up with another long groan as he stumbled forward to catch himself on the wall. It was still pitch black, which was starting to get really irritating. How was he supposed to get back up that… that slide if this was the wrong way and he couldn’t see? 

The rumbling and scratching of stone against stone caught him off guard and he pushed himself further into the wall, trying to see what was going on.

The path in front of him was suddenly illuminated in flickering orange ( fire burn heat) and he gaped as an entirely new room was opened before him. Just from where he was standing he knew it was larger than any room he’d seen so far in the tower. He shifted a little closer trying to see more than just some torches and empty space.

There were people in the room. Other people with badges on their chests. He stumbled forward in excitement. This had to be it! The bottom of the tower where Green and Whi-Killua were waiting for him! He’d done it! With more luck than he’d like to admit but he’d done it!

His legs were suddenly not quite so achy and his chest not quite so tight. With giddiness powering his steps, he practically skipped into the new room. As soon as he passed the door, a vaguely familiar voice announced, “Applicant Number 406: 14th to pass. Time Elapsed- Forty two hours and thirty eight minutes.”

He squeaked happily before looking over the assortment of people in the room. None of them were who he wanted to find. He frowned. That meant he was here first… and that meant he had beaten them? 

Jasper grinned, letting out a silent whoop as he punched his hand in the air. Take that, Killua!

“Well, aren’t you dirty, little rat.” He yelped and spun around his left hand grasping for the steel wire still solidly wrapped around his right wrist. Sitting up against the wall, a few feet away from the doorway he’d just come through, was a red ( redredred ) haired man dressed in something that you’d see on a clown at a circus. There was even a star and teardrop painted on his face to match the theme. “I wonder what happened to soil you so.”

As he said that, he knocked down the stack of cards he’d been building with a flick of his forefinger and an unsettling smile. Jasper took a step back, immediately wary of the presence that was coating the man. It sat heavily on his tongue and made the hair on his body rise in terror.

Golden, piercing eyes looked up at him and he could practically see the malicious amusement in them. He took another step back, then another and another and an even larger one when the man’s tongue swiped across his lips.

Jasper didn’t even realise when he’d made it across the room until his back bumped into a wall. He jerked in shock, his hands clenching his wire tightly. 

… When had he unraveled it?

He chanced a glance down at it, drawn tightly between his aching fingers. Then he glanced back up and froze. The man was still there, no longer looking, but- but he had moved. He had moved exactly a foot over without actually moving. He was in the same lackadaisical pose, one leg curled to his body, his elbow resting atop it. His cards were still scattered in front of him, a mess of white and red wreathed in flickering orange.

How? How had he moved like that? Was… was his mind playing tricks on him?

His chest ached sharply enough that he coughed to relieve it, but refused to remove his gaze from the predator across the room. Even if the man was no longer looking… Jasper just knew he was still watching.

He would have stayed frozen like that for much longer if he hadn’t started coughing again. As the time wore on, the ache in his chest grew a little more persistent and he growled at it. It was extremely distracting. Now was not the time to be weak!

But the coughing never stopped and neither did that feeling of eyes staring him down from a distance. Even though he never caught the man actually looking. 

Eventually though, that feeling of being drowsy, that feeling that fed the frustration in his chest, that inevitable vulnerability caught up with him.

He passed out with his hands still clutching his weapon and his chest still aching.

When Jasper woke up, it was to the sound of cards shuffling. It took a moment, his muggy thoughts not at all ready to get on with the day, before he startled himself into full wakefulness when he tried to move his head and caused ringing pain to echo down his body. The sound, though, didn't register fully until he finally opened his eyes to take stock of his surroundings. He needed to know if he was in a dangerous situation after all.

Which-

He was.

But scrambling away from someone was not only embarrassing but also unwise when they felt like a predator like this clown did. So he sat there, stiff and still, trying to figure out why the clown was here ( mere inches away from him ). And where was his weapon? He could have sworn it had been in his hands!

“Did you sleep well, rat?” It had been perhaps something close to an hour before the man said anything. Or it could have been a few minutes. He couldn’t tell.

“W-What’s it matter to you,” he gritted out, wincing at the absolute mess his throat felt like. It was tight and hot and made his voice sound like gravel being run over by a car.

A catty smile formed on the redhead’s face as those horrible horrible eyes slid over to him. “I’m interested, of course. Is there a reason you can’t tell me?”

“Don’t want to,” he huffed, wincing against another cough he felt building in his throat.

“So feisty,” the man laughed. “Contrary and spiteful. That certainly narrows it down. Or perhaps it’s too soon to tell.”

What the hell was this guy even saying? Jasper wasn’t sure if he even wanted to know. What he did want was for him to get out of his personal space. 

“Tell me,” the clown turned to him fully, attention solely on Jasper and he hated feared it. “What color are your eyes?”

The question was completely random and it caught him by surprise. Surprise enough that the rattling he’d been holding in his lungs was suddenly in his throat, then his mouth. He coughed harshly, warmth splattering across the hand he’d brought up to cover it, to try to smother it.

When he pulled his hand away, he stared in horrified silence at the black spatters covering most of his stained fingers.

Chapter Text

He watched quietly as Hisoka started toying with his new prey. A rat he had called it earlier. Illumi had no reason to think otherwise. It was small, dirty, and more than likely infested with nasty diseases.

All the more reason to keep an eye on it if it persisted in following his little brother. He wasn’t blind to the actions of this morning, after all. He’d watched it all, how his poor naive Killua had even reached out to touch the thing was beyond him. Perhaps he saw it as a new pet but if his brother had wanted one of those all he’d have to do was ask.

There should have been no reason for Killua to stab his family and run. Even if Mother was ecstatic- even crying tears of joy- Illumi was upset. He was upset because Killua was not ready to face the influences of the disgusting outer world alone. He was upset because Killua had attacked family outside the bounds of training, orders, or contract. And he was upset because if Illumi had ever had the notion to do something foolhardy… he would not have been given leeway like the Heir was.

If he could frown in this guise, he might have felt his lips twitch down, but he was not a man for overt displays of emotions… and this guise of his allowed nothing other than a vacant smile anyway. Father had allowed Killua to roam for now so Illumi would let him be. But if he kept up with consorting with disgusting creatures like Hisoka’s rat he was going to have to step in eventually.

A stirring of nen distracted him from his thoughts and his eyes turned to the rat sitting against the far wall. Hisoka, too, had noticed and was watching directly instead of pretending to focus on his cards. It was unlike anything he’d ever seen before. Instead of the nen fully encompassing the body as it poured from each node equally, it focused only on the nodes surrounding the head and shoulders and the aura crept down from there. Obviously the rat was not fully awakened (which he had not thought was possible) but the control displayed already was impressive. It was almost like a bastardized version of Ko but the nen wasn’t being moved to protect an area. In fact, he couldn’t tell exactly what it was doing besides being forced into the area of the lungs through the medium of the hands. Illumi had been unaware that one could utilize nen so competently unless one was fully aware of it. Perhaps this was what had caught the fickle magician’s attention?

He watched with detached interest as Hisoka stood and sauntered over, a delighted smirk tilting the corners of the magician’s mouth. The red haired man gracefully plopped onto the dirty stone floor next to the rat, legs crossed, elbow on his knee so he could prop his chin on the heel of his palm. His other hand was fingering his deck, but beyond that his attention was mostly absorbed by whatever the rat was doing. Illumi, watched a moment longer but when no other movement was made by either of them, he glanced away.

There truly was nothing interesting in the rest of the room. The other applicants were weak and boring, huddling in on themselves or paying each other no mind beyond their terrible attempts at spying. Boredom was not a stranger to Illumi. Long nights of watching targets, forced into stillness as a child, starvation training that left him alone and useless for hours on end. Yes, he was quite familiar with the mental pains of boredom but he had formed methods to deal with it. That didn’t mean he was all that fond of it.

His eyes fell back onto the only interesting thing in the room; Hisoka and his rat.

He tried to discern exactly what the rat was doing, extending his own nen to get a feel for what was happening. Golden eyes snapped over to him and Illumi took it for the warning it was. He pulled his nen back slowly as an acknowledgment of the message received. Hisoka gave him a bit of tooth in a smile before turning back to the rat.

“What do you want?”

Illumi blinked at the shattering of the uneasy silence. Hisoka grinned, tongue snaking out to wet his lips.

“Why, precious fruit, whatever do you mean?”

“I meant what I said.” 

Illumi tilted his head, the clacking of his needles washing away more of the silence. He could hear the shifting of applicants around him, probably watching the same thing, but they made no noise above a whisper. 

It made it easier to focus on the exchange happening. This voice was not the same one from this morning. It was a little deeper with a new accent that didn’t ping as recognizable to anything he had heard before. Was this a different boy entirely or perhaps the hidden child under a mask?

“Precocious,” Hisoka cooed. 

“And you’re disgusting.” The rat's hands shifted further up his chest and there was a distinct rattling cough. “You’re also interrupting my work with your leering. Answer my question.”

How strange. The syntax was entirely different as well- much more mature.

Hisoka leaned forward, shoving his face almost directly into the rat’s, hidden under the hood. “Green again, hm? I’ve heard of Scarlet Eyes… but never Emerald.”

The rat scoffed. “What are you even saying? And get out of my face. Didn’t I say you were distracting me?”

“You did. I chose to ignore it,” Hisoka responded happily, his eyes falling half mast in amusement. “Do you remember me?”

“Of course I do,” the rat huffed impatiently. “You broke our wrist after acting like a pedophile. Applicant number 44, Hisoka.”

“Our?”

Illumi could see the deep breath the rat sucked in, his chest expanding beneath his hands. It resulted in another rattling cough that lasted slightly longer than the last one. The conversation, though slightly confusing, was still illuminating. If he was drawing correct conclusions then Hisoka’s rat had more than one person in that body. It wasn’t just a mask but another personality entirely.

His mind flashed back to the abomination that had ruined his Kil; Alluka. His guise could not allow his lip to curl in distaste but he practically radiated it with his nen before he caught it and curled the feeling back into himself. It curdled in his chest most unpleasantly.

No wonder Kil had taken such a liking to the rat. He always had more fondness for monsters than his actual family.

“Tch. You're a nosy pedo, aren’t you?”

“And you're purposefully trying to rile me. How cute!”

“Go back to whatever circus spawned your unholy carcass.”

“Mm, but I haven’t achieved what I want to on this plane yet. I decline your request.”

“Ugh. Seriously,” the rat groaned. “Can’t you go bug pins and needles over there or something? He’s probably stronger than I am.”

Illumi’s eyes narrowed. Probably? He was most definitely stronger. Strong enough to blast this thing into pieces so it wouldn’t corrupt Killua any more. Except… he wasn’t very keen on fighting Hisoka over this. Not now, at least.

“No,” Hisoka responded cheerily. “I rather like the view right here.”

There was a grumbled ‘disgusting’ as the rat’s hands fell from it’s chest into its lap. Its head fell back into the stone behind it and Illumi was able to see a pale jaw illuminated by the flickering torches in the room.

After that it was quiet again. Hisoka hardly moved, except to scoot over to the wall and lean against it, playing with his cards again. The rat made no move for the longest time, though the nen was still swirling around his upper body.

Hours passed that way, where the only interesting thing to happen was the rat dragging out a satchel from under his robe and devouring two eggs. After returning everything the way it had been (also stuffing something that looked suspiciously like a professional garrote wire away) the nen dispersed and the rat slumped against the wall.

Illumi watched the entire time, plotting ways he would be rid of the abomination. It would be easy to do it in the Hunter Exam but there was the fact that Hisoka would be close and extremely displeased for interfering with his ripening fruits. He could track it down afterwards but that truly was too much effort when he had a contract to complete. He could tear Kil away from the abomination and drag him home but he wasn’t sure how father would feel about that. Or perhaps he could implant a suggestion? In Kil or the rat. Either worked, though it would be much easier in Kil as there was already a needle there.

Illumi’s needles clicked and clacked long into the remaining hours of the Third Phase.

What-what was this? It couldn’t be blood, it wasn’t red! But-

He coughed again but this time it felt as if there was something clogging his throat. He gagged, saliva spilling over his lips and tears from his eyes as his hands came up to clutch at his throat in panic. He gagged again, his lungs burning, chest heaving under the strain of trying to breathe-

What a good boy.

NO!

His throat cleared and a gunk of black splashed onto his lap as he coughed and coughed and wheezed trying to completely clear his airway. 

“Such a mess,” an amused voice said right next to him. 

He squeaked- forcing another black coughing fit- his watering eyes shifting over to the man dressed as a clown that was even closer than before. He wanted to do something- anything to make him go away, but Jasper’s leaking face and black stained hands took a bit more priority.

“I see. So, that’s what he was doing. What an interesting application… I’m glad you’ll be sticking around,” the clown hummed. “For now, have another nap.”

A sharp pain in his neck-

Jasper woke up with a gurgled gasp. The air grated against the inside of his throat, and his eyes were stinging and blurry. He felt absolutely terrible and terrified. He could hear his heart in his ears drowning out any other noise as his fingers scraped against rough stone-

No. Please.

He couldn’t let himself be caught- He couldn’t let-

His head jerked back into something hard enough to make him see black spots. His breath was ragged and painful but he could at least hear it now over the sound of his heartbeat. He glanced around the area he was in, noting the flickering torches ( the colors and shadows making his stomach quiver ) and wide cavernous space. There were people here, all adults but they were far away from him in their own little huddles and corners.

Everything here was so dark. He hated it. Why did it have to be dark?

There were what looked like doorways but they could also be smooth stone set farther back to trick people. He could check them over for an escape route but he didn’t want to get up and draw attention to himself. Besides that, he hurt. He needed to know what was wrong before he tried anything. How injured was he? What did he have? 

He shivered, his hands automatically starting to check his hood and bag. His muscles ached and his wrist twinged. It was wrapped in bandages that felt stiff but looked absolutely wretched. His clothes and hands were stained brown and black as well. Obviously something happened. He was absolutely not safe here. He glanced around the room again, his heightened breathing scratching unpleasantly at his throat. Nobody was looking at him. He sucked in a deeper breath (ignoring the itchitchache of his chest) and let it out slowly. He still needed to check his belongings.

The hood was still secured but… his knife was missing from the sheath and there was a strange watch attached to his wrist. And when he pulled out his phone it didn’t turn on. He pursed his lips, ignoring his shaking fingers, and dug out his charger and garotte. He honestly couldn’t remember if there was anything left in it but he had to try. His phone was pretty much essential to figuring out anything that had happened.

While wrapping the garrote around his wrist for security, he licked his chapped lips and almost gagged at the lingering taste on them. The sheer shock of the vile flavor in his mouth, had him breathing much easier again. Which was good… because he couldn’t let himself panic. Panic was bad. Panic got you into trouble.

Other than foggy memories of upset and red … he couldn’t remember anything.

Not that that wasn’t normal. But it didn’t exactly help him not freak out. Especially when he couldn’t get on his phone. He clenched it in his fist and sucked in another agonizing breath.

Then he glanced around the room again to make sure he wasn’t being observed. Except he was. There was a red haired clown man that he caught glancing at him but he didn’t feel dangerous at the moment. That one was easier to ignore because he was more focused on the pinhead. The mohawked man wasn’t directly looking but Jasper certainly felt uneasy, like there was malice directed at him from that guy. He had no idea why but he absolutely knew he’d need to avoid him in the future… if only his phone was working he’d be able to write it down.

He jammed in the charger sloppily ( if only his hands would stop shaking ) and was relieved to see the screen light up. He could even physically feel his shoulders loosen in relief. Unfortunately, he didn’t know how much was in there so he left it alone for the moment, letting it soak up as much energy as it could from the charger box. He focused his attention instead on his vigil, keeping track of all pinhead’s movements… and peripherally looking at the others as well. Some didn’t really stand out but there were a few. A woman with blue hair, the clown, snake man, and weird staff guy were only some of the ones he noted in his head. They weren’t really paying him any attention but there was something about their demeanor.

Jasper sighed through his nose while despairing over his aching chest and throat. Swallowing also hurt but it was better than having a dry throat.

What exactly was he doing here? Especially so injured? Nothing in his head or surroundings was giving him any clues and it was starting to worry him. Was he trapped here with these people or were they all waiting for something?

He brought his left hand up to scrub at his eyes. He had a feeling it was going to be a while before he could figure anything out.

…

A while was an understatement. He didn’t know how long had passed before he’d figured out that the strange watch he had was actually counting backwards. Still, it was a way to keep track of time that he didn’t have before because his phone was still charging. He figured the countdown meant they were all waiting for something, though. With ten hours to go he wasn’t exactly happy about the wait.

During the time of his little discovery, one of the stone doors opening had startled him into jolting up straight as well ( which had hurt ). But it had given him more information to work with thanks to the voice coming from the speakers that he hadn’t noticed before. He was applying for something and being in this room meant he’d passed. Which yay! But also, what would he be applying for?

Not too much later, the light on the charger went out, meaning it was dead until he could get it into the sun again. He eagerly unplugged the phone and turned it on, wincing a bit at the start up noise. (Why did he have the noise on?) It attracted a few looks but they went away again shortly after and he let out a short breath of relief. His throat and lungs still hurt but it was better than earlier at least.The itch had died down to something he could deal with and soft, short breaths were more gentle on his throat.

As soon as the screen blinked to life he was delving into the notes devouring every scrap of information he could.

He was in the Hunter Exam to get a License to find his family. He had some people that might be friends but weren’t with him for this exam. And most importantly he’d passed Phase Three!

His last entry was sort of confusing, though. He’d eaten and then nothing. There was no mention of Camo or Gray and he definitely couldn’t see them in the room with him. So, he’d passed but they hadn’t. Considering it had been a majority vote… had they voted to pass him? But why?

He scratched at the bandages around his wrist, then at his thighs under the robe, all the while deep in thought.

Oh, well. What truly mattered was that he was here. In this room. With adults.

He shivered unconsciously.

And Pinhead was paying attention to him again, he could feel it.

He glanced over and was met with a vacant smile and half-lidded eyes. Jasper quickly jerked his head down so he wouldn’t have to see the man directly. He’d still watch him from the corner of his eye but looking directly at him… somehow made it worse.

He really wished Greenie and Whitey (whose name he couldn’t, for the life of him, remember which he was really upset about) were here. Even Blondie or Mister Drab would be preferable to being alone right now. He didn’t want to be alone .

He shifted his hand discreetly under his hood to wipe away the dirt (and not the tears because he wasn’t a crybaby ) and whatever other mess happened to be on his face that he couldn’t see. His eyes were burning for sleep (not the tears, never the tears) but he couldn’t let himself so much as nap when he knew no one here and there was nowhere to hide.

Jasper let out a wet sigh from his nose before immediately groaning and rubbing his sleeve against his face. He hated leaky faces.

Could time please, maybe, go just a little bit faster?

No, no, it couldn’t. But his phone could start chiming very loudly out of nowhere.

Jasper jumped, froze, then finally scrambled to turn the noise off. He panted harshly ( itacheditachedithurt ), his heartbeat rabbiting in his chest as he glanced around the room to check the damage. 

Eyes, so many eyes, were staring.

He shrunk in on himself, his shoulders nearly reaching his ears as he shivered again, his hands shaking near violently.

Jasper never did like attention from adults outside his family. Attention brought… brought… well, he wasn’t exactly sure but he knew it was bad just as adults were bad. So in a room full of adults with all of their attention on him? Jasper was just about ready to- to do something. Anything was better than having them all staring. Though… he couldn’t exactly run and fighting was out because there were too many and he was already injured. Maybe he could just vanish into the floor?

For now, he ducked his head bringing his phone up to his face so he could fiddle with it and figure out how to make it not make any more noise. It had been some sort of alarm… probably. He thought he noticed words at the top of the screen before he dismissed it but he didn’t actually read them before his clumsy fingers had managed to get rid of it. He wondered briefly if it was something important.

Eventually, he was able to figure out that he had an alarm set to go off every thirty minutes. And it was a reminder to remember Whitey’s name, which just soured his mood even further because he didn’t . Still, burying himself in his phone to figure out the problem was a fantastic distraction because when he looked around the room again everyone was back to their own business.

It didn't stop his hands from shaking, nor his lungs from aching, nor his heart from beating much too quickly… but it was better than before. 

Except for Pinhead.

Jasper made extra sure to type some observations about the needle wearing man because he absolutely needed to know to avoid him. In fact, to pass the time, he started making notes on all the people that had caught his attention before. Blue hair was wearing a strange hat that he was almost positive started buzzing when she bent over, snake man definitely had multiple snakes with the way his robes were shifting, clown man… gave him the chills when he caught golden eyes with his own and he made an extra note for avoidance on that one as well, and weird staff guy… was extremely uninteresting and looked like he was asleep now.

Time passed that way slowly. His phone, unfortunately, had to be put away at the three hour mark because the battery was almost dead again. After that there was nothing to distract himself but himself. So, he started using himself- first up, his wrist.

Gon passed Phase Three with high spirits and fists raised in the air as soon as he entered the large stone cavern with all the other examinees. With only a minute to spare, he was rather proud of his idea to bash through the walls to the short route. 

“Do you think Jas made it?” He wandered a little further in, squinting at the room to find their missing friend. Killua scoffed next to him but didn’t give an answer. Gon shot him a curious look and noticed the white haired boy was also scanning the room. He grinned when Killua lifted a finger and pointed to a darker patch of wall that held a smaller figure curled into a loose ball.

Behind them, Gon could hear his friends and Tonpa chattering, and the examiner was still announcing their success as he shot forward with a laugh. “Jasper! You made it!”

Halfway across the distance to the older boy, something painfully hard bounced off his forehead and he stopped in his tracks, blinking the pain away. Behind him, Killua snickered and at his feet lay an old shoe. He stared at it for a moment, trying to understand where it came from.

“Ah… Greenie? Oops….”

He looked up to the robed boy, who had another shoe held poised in a good throwing position, then looked down at the shoe in front of him. It was kind of obvious he’d startled Jasper but it was fine now that he’d been recognized, right? He didn’t exactly want another shoe to the face. What kind of shoe was that for it to hit like a brick anyhow? It looked so soft and old…

“He clocked you just right- and your face right now-!” Killua sauntered up next to him, bending down and grabbing the shoe, to look it over with interest. It was super old, there was even a really big hole right on the side and Gon couldn’t even make out what the original color was supposed to be. It was either too faded or covered in too much dirt and gunk.

“Sorry… I wasn’t expecting…”

“It’s okay,” Gon cheered, finally looking away from the shoe. “I scared you! I’m so glad you remembered me, though!”

“Yeah… um…”

“End of Round time,” a familiar voice announced. Gon grinned and threw his arms behind his head. “Third Phase. Number of participants passed: twenty-six, including one dead. Please proceed outside so we may process the applicants for the next round.”

As soon as the examiner stopped talking, there was another grinding sound and one of the stone doors started lifting. Immediately, Gon could smell the difference in the air. His nose lifted a bit as he tested the quality. It was dryer and warmer than the cool, stale air from inside the tower. Much more pleasant to breathe, too! And there was the familiar scent of brine as well, meaning they must be close to the ocean. He hadn’t really been paying attention when they landed at the top of the tower so it wasn’t too much of a surprise that he’d missed it. Besides it had been cloudy and they’d been so high up.

He appreciated the light that came flooding in, it was so much better than the torches that were in here. But it was also a bit blinding, forcing him to squint. Despite spending two whole days in the side room, his eyes had adjusted to the dim lighting of the rest of the tunnels on the way down. He was rather eager to get back outside, though. Gon was an island boy through and through. He grew up around nature, the sea and the forests, and he felt much better when he was out there instead of in a tower of stones.

“C’mon guys! Let’s go!” He wanted to pull them both with him, back over to Kurapika and Leorio, except-

“Ah- my shoe!”

“It’s mine now,” Killua hummed, tossing it between his hands as Jasper lunged for it.

“Give it back!”

“No.”

Jasper lunged again and Gon’s smile dropped, the hair on his neck standing up. The feeling that had washed over them was far too similar to when Hisoka had attacked Leorio for him to take it lightly. He was not a fan of the dark, oppressive weight, even if it made his heart speed up in anticipation of a fight. He glanced around but Hisoka was nowhere in sight. 

“It’s Pinhead again,” Jas muttered quietly, tugging his shoe out of a quiet Killua’s hand. His assassin friend was also frowning, his blue eyes staring daggers at the man with the purple mohawk and weird needles stuck everywhere. Gon had thought him cool looking at first sight but now he was going to have to be a little more wary. 

“Well, who cares about him,” Gon huffed, his smile coming back as he tugged on Jas’ sleeve to get them moving. “Tell me how your tower trip went!”

“Er, um… you first!”

Killua snorted as they walked outside into the heat of a morning sun. Gon stopped to admire the expanse of blue that started only a few hundred meters ahead of them. The tower was much closer to the ocean than expected! “You don’t remember, do you?”

Jas never answered because Leorio made his way over to them, exclaiming, “Oh, it looks like you made it too- what the hell happened to you, kid?”

“Huh.” Gon tilted his head, running his eyes over his friend. “Did you change your robe? It’s a different color.”

He honestly hadn’t noticed in the dim lighting. Now that they were outside, the sun exposed the reddish brown of Jasper’s robe. His back was completely changed but the front still had some cream to it… in some places, along with something black that was splattered on the sleeves and lower torso area. And the smell was very metallic and something else; something like bitter herbs but not quite.

“Gon, that’s not-”

He didn’t let Leorio finish. “Oh! It’s blood! That’s a lot of blood,” he hummed, his head bobbing as gazed at the mess of the robe.

“I’m surprised you know that.” Killua was raising an eyebrow, one hand over his eyes to shade them from the brightness of the sun.

“I guess I didn’t notice at first because the smell is hiding behind something else. It’s a really weird smell too...”

“Right, your weird dog senses.”

Jas cut them off from continuing their conversation, shoving himself behind Gon and staring warily at Leorio. He glanced between the two. Did Jas not recognize Leorio? He’d known Gon on sight so he’d assumed the other boy would know them all, but maybe not? “Don’t worry, Jas, that’s just-”

“Applicants! Attention please!”

Chapter Text

Jasper fiddled with the numbered tile in his hand, his eyes staring out over the water, admiring the wide expanse of blue accompanied by the unique scent of salt. Seeing Greenie had been a relief. He felt a little bad about the shoe but he’d honestly been startled at his name coming from a fast approaching figure while he’d been half-occupied trying to puzzle over how much longer his shoes would last him. It had been instinct to chuck it like he used to chuck stones as a child and it had met its mark rather nicely. He was sort of proud of that. Would have been better if it hadn’t been his maybe-friend’s face, though.

A sea breeze brought some salty spray straight into his face, but beyond grabbing his hood, Jasper did nothing to avoid it. If he was being honest, it felt nice, a soothing balm to the heated itch still in his chest and the dizzyingly hot sun beating down on the ship.

The announcement that he could try again without any negative conditions from the chirpy lady- who also announced there was only two more hours left until they reached the island for the next phase- was another balm. That one being more mental than physical. The ocean was much better though because he’d be damned if he failed. He couldn’t come back next year , he had to win this year . So, while it was a nice thought, and it made him slightly happy, it was also a useless sentiment.

“Yo!”

Jasper glanced down from his high seat on the ‘railing’- it was more of a wall- of the ship. It had been a hassle to get up because it was smooth and stood over twice the height of Greenie. Even with the lift from said boy, he’d had to scrabble to pull himself up.

Underneath him, Gon was still perched against the wall. His head was lifted from his knees now, gazing at the white haired boy that was approaching. Blue eyes glanced up at him, the blazing sun catching in them- 

He stared down at blue eyes, the sun catching and reflecting, lightening the normally deep color. Two arms raised up towards him-

Jasper blinked away the memory of his Ma and focused on the present. Whitey was squinting up at him with a raised eyebrow, a board with wheels clutched under one arm, and hands in his pockets. “Are you allowed to be up there?”

“No one’s told me to get down,” he replied. Which was entirely true. Announcer lady glanced at him but made no move to say anything to him so he hadn’t moved. He liked looking at the ocean and wanted to enjoy it.

Whitey blinked, then shrugged, then plopped down sitting at an angle where he could keep both of them somewhat in view. Jasper shifted so he was straddling the wall instead of having both feet over the open water. “Which number did you guys pick?”

Gon immediately retaliated with a curious, “What about you?”

“Secret,” Killua coughed with an awkward grin.

Jasper huffed at the both of them and shifted his number tile. A bold 294 stared back at him. He had no idea who this was but he was pretty sure it wasn’t any of his maybe-friends.

“What about you, Jas?” He looked down at Gon who was staring at him with wide eyes. The boy’s complexion was still pale and sweaty, with a half smile quirking his lips. It had been the same ever since they’d picked their numbers. Jasper had only noticed because he’d been clinging to the other boy, desperate for that feeling of safety that being around Greenie provoked. He had really needed it after sitting in that damn room for forever. Later, when it had been his turn to choose, he noticed that his hands had finally- thankfully- stopped shaking. 

“Some person, I don’t know,” he mumbled. “Your numbers aren’t 294, right?”

“No,” Whitey laughed, with a relieved grin. “Don’t worry. I don’t have either of your numbers.”

“Well, I don’t have yours either,” Gon smiled. “On the count of three we reveal ours?”

Whitey nodded. Jasper had already revealed his, but it still tugged on something in his chest to be left out. He kicked his other leg over and spun so he dropped, only the hand without the numbered tile holding him up. It was a bit of a strain but then he let go, dropping soundlessly next to Greenie. He rolled his shoulders making sure he hadn't hurt himself, before tapping his stinging feet on the wooden floors. The height was not that insignificant and he didn’t catch his weight quite right. Thankfully, it wasn’t anything serious so he plopped down as well.

“Nice of you to drop by, Nutty.”

He scowled and stuck his tongue out at the other boy. “I’m not a nut, so don’t call me that.”

“I will when you remember my name,” Whitey singsonged.

Jasper huffed again, much more disgustedly. The taller boy just wouldn’t let that drop. Just the memory of ‘reintroductions’ while they were boarding the ship made him feel sour all over again. Stupid Whitey and his stupid name…

 Greenie started laughing. “Speaking of names, I’d like you to try to remember mine too! You can even put it in your phone. It’s Gon.”

He turned from his stare off with Whitey, surprised at the offer from Greenie. “Really?”

“Yeah! We’re friends and I wanted to tell you earlier but I was distracted by Leorio fussing over you. It was really funny.”

Jasper groaned. Another reason he disliked thinking about earlier. Mister Drab, after finally being reintroduced, was able to make a big deal over Jasper’s state and wanted to know absolutely everything. Unfortunately, Jasper couldn’t remember much which just made Mister Drab even more insistent. The middle aged looking teen had almost succeeded in getting Jasper to agree to a full blown check up and Jasper still couldn’t wrap his head around how that happened. He was only saved by Whitey muttering the cursed nickname Nutty. That had almost turned into a full blown tussle. Luckily- or unluckily depending on how one looked at it- it was interrupted by Pinhead, once again, displaying his malice. The whole group had closed ranks around him and shuffled onto the ship before splitting for a bit. He’d been surprised they split but Greenie- er, Gon- later told him that they’d spent the last three days together in very close company and wanted a bit of a break. Or so he said that the others said. 

Jasper, of course, decided to stay with Gree- Gon.

He was really going to have to try hard to remember his maybe-friends names, especially if he truly became friends with them. They’d put up with him for this long, so he was hoping they’d stay.

“Aren’t we supposed to be sharing numbers,” he muttered trying to get them back on topic.

Gon and Whitey glanced at each other and gave a nod. 

“1,” Gon started.

“2,” Whitey continued.

“3,” Jasper gleefully finished.

Everyone flipped their cards and he was left staring down at two more tiles with blocky numbers. Unfortunately, he didn’t pay attention at all during the exams to the badges (or if he did, he couldn’t remember and there was nothing in his phone about it) so the numbers 44 and 199 meant nothing to him.

Apparently that was not the same for the other two.

“Seriously,” Whitey deadpanned. “You have no lottery luck.

“You think so too, huh?”

“Is… your person bad then,” Jasper asked, staring at the two fours on the blank white background.

Whitey glanced at him incredulously. “Bad? This is Hisoka!”

He stared blankly. Gon caught on and tried to explain for him. “I had a run in with him already and he’s really strong. He moves so fast he’s almost like an illusion.” That itched at something in his mind but when he tried to grab it it shifted through his mental fingers like smoke. “Of all the people I could have gotten, I think he’s one of the worst.”

Jasper frowned contemplatively. “Do… you need help?”

Gon brought up a hand to rub at the back of his neck. He looked sheepish but happy at the same time. It was a weird combination with his current pallor. “I appreciate the thought, Jas, but I think I have to do this on my own. Attacking him won’t do any good… but stealing I should be able to handle.”

Jasper was rather good at stealing himself but he also completely understood doing everything alone. He was better off without distractions too, anyways. “Well, what about yours then, Whitey?”

The boy rolled his eyes so hard, Jasper was surprised they stayed in his head. “Must you use that nickname?”

“Must you call me Nutty?”

“Whatever,” Whitey replied flippantly, waving his hand dismissively. “Anyway, I don’t know my opponent. By the time I’d picked my badge everyone had already hidden theirs. Speaking of… I’m surprised you haven’t hidden yours?”

Jasper blinked and looked down at his chest. “Oh. I forgot.”

Whitey pinched the bridge of his nose. “You’re making it too easy for opponents, you know.”

“It’s fine,” he hummed, plucking the white badge from his chest. It was stiff beneath his fingers as he shimmied his robe up and attached it to the waistline of his pants so it sat snugly against his skin. “They’d have to catch me first. I’m good at running. Besides,” he stared pointedly at the two badges on the other boys’ chests. “You haven’t hidden yours.”

“As if anyone here could beat me.”

“What about Hisoka?”

Whitey twitched at the immediate rebuttal and Gon let out a nervous laugh, his hands wringing in his lap. Jasper had the sudden feeling he didn’t want to meet this Hisoka. 

Whitey turned to Gree- Gon, having noted the same motions as Jasper, and asked, “Are you scared or excited?”

Which made no sense because why would Gon be excited. He’d already lost once. But still the brunette answered nervously, “A bit of both? I have revenge to get.”

Revenge made… a little more sense but still… excited?

Whitey seemed to understand better than he did, for he just gave a nod and stood up, brushing off his shorts with one hand. He dropped his board onto the floor with a sharp ‘clack’ and hopped on it; one foot on the board, the other on the floor. 

“Well, try not to die!” He said with a smirk and a wave before pushing off with his foot and wheeling away. Jasper watched slightly envious of the contraption. It looked fun and, more importantly, useful.

“Hey, Jas,” Gon muttered. “Would you be okay if we separated for a bit? I’d like to think for a while.” He hesitated but saw no reason to say no and gave a nod. Gon gave him a wobbly smile, sweat shining on his pale upper lip. “Oh, don’t forget to put my name in your phone, ok?”

“Got it.”

And with that, Jasper stood to wander off. He’d really rather stay with Gon but if the boy wanted space… well, he’d just have to try to find a better spot. He wasn’t going to be able to climb the wall again by himself but he wasn’t keen on asking anyone for help, either, so that option was out. He could find a place to sit but his thighs and palms were itching alongside his chest now. It was making him restless.

In the end, Jasper walked laps around the deck. Phone in hand, with numbered tile right behind it, and updating some of his notes, he was not expecting someone to outright walk right up to him and shove him. His phone and tile went clattering away and he wheeled around, feet shifting into a more comfortable stance for quick movement. He didn’t want to get into a fight but he absolutely would not let any of these adults think they could push him around.

“Sorry, kid,” the skinny guy mumbled, righting himself from his half bent position and adjusting his beanie. When there was no attack forthcoming, Jasper grit his teeth, ignoring the two similar looking men laughing in the background, and starting shuffling backwards out of reach before he whirled around to find his phone. “Kid, wait-”

He found it in the hands of a tubby looking man with tanned skin. He had a very large nose and was dressed in a large, blue v-neck shirt over a matching pair of light, grey sweats. The man was frowning down at it between his overly large fingers and Jasper practically sprinted over, dodging the reaching hand of the skinny adult that had so rudely shoved into him. 

“That’s mine,” he informed the man bluntly, hoping he wouldn’t have to attack him to get it back. He didn’t want to be disqualified or anything.

“Oh! It’s you again. Nice to see you. This phone is yours, then? It hit my foot and I was rather confused about it.”

Jasper narrowed his eyes at the rather innocent looking grin. The man still hadn’t tried to hand it over. He honestly didn’t care if they’d met before. He wasn't important enough to end up on his phone and so wasn’t much worth caring about. So he tried one more time. “Give it back.”

“Oh,” the man exclaimed as if startled he was still holding onto it. His eyes darted sideways a moment before he chuckled and extended his hand. “Sorry, sorry. I’m a bit scatterbrained with the next phase coming up and all. Here ya go.”

He snatched it and beat a hasty retreat, not wanting to deal with any of the adults. He glanced around the deck for his tile but he couldn’t see it anywhere. Scouring the area one more time, he gave it up for lost and moved on. When he was in a more secluded area, he turned it on, but everything looked fine. There were no cracks in the screen, there was nothing icky on it, and the notes were still open where he’d left it. He frowned at it for a moment, rereading everything carefully and- 

No. There. In the section he’d written about the rules. He knew he’d typed the number at the bottom except it wasn’t there.

Jasper sucked in a shaky breath. What had his number been? Who was he supposed to go after? He could definitely remember black numbers on a white background. Had there been a four in there or was he thinking of Gon or Whitey’s numbers? Maybe a two or- or a seven? No matter how hard he tried to picture his tile, the numbers started swimming in his mind’s eye, changing back and forth to other numbers.

He couldn’t have already failed. There was no way!

He was going to have to scour the ship, especially where he’d been knocked into.

The scouring took much longer than he’d like and he attracted quite a few malicious eyes. Worst of all, no numbered tile had been anywhere in the vicinity. With the failure of losing his tile and the pressure of the adult eyes following him, he shoved himself in the most secluded part of the ship. Ironically, it was the front of the cabin under the blazing sun because most other people preferred to sit in the shade.

He was alone enough that his lungs quivered under his panicked panting and he coughed sharply trying to relieve the feeling. The immediate contraction forced his breath from his chest painfully and he hunched over at the awful feeling. But… when it faded, it had done enough to bring a bit of clarity back. He dropped against the cabin wall with a grunt, sliding down until he was scrunched in a fetal sitting position.

He’d lost his target. He’d been stupid and distracted and he was already going to fail. Another year! He’d have to wait a whole year before he could try again and that wasn’t okay! It was too long! It had already been too long! At this rate he’d never find them- 

He’d never see Daddy smile with crinkling brown eyes- 

He’d never feel Mom peppering kisses on his cheeks- 

So consumed was he by his spiralling thoughts that he didn’t notice someone had approached him until they cleared their throat. 

Jasper jumped, whipping his head up in surprise. It was a bit of a relief seeing Blondie there but at the same time, he was getting sloppy, letting his emotions get the better of him. He’d been startled twice already today and that was two times too many.

“Are you alright? I noticed you running around…”

He grabbed the edge of his hood in one hand, the other still clenched tightly on his phone, and tugged it down farther in frustration and shame. “I’m fine,” he choked out.

“You don’t sound fine.”

“Shut up!”

He didn’t want anyone to see him like this, least of all one of his maybe-friends. Already the teen’s presence was making his eyes itch and burn along with the ache in his chest. He wanted to scratch it, to make it go away, but it wouldn’t do anything. He wanted to hurthurthurt someone whether it be himself or someone else. But that wasn’t good. He wasn’t supposed to hurt himself and if Ma found out, she’d be really mad. Like the one time he’d cut himself so he could get to the really pretty black spider. She’d been so unhappy but so gentle. It had made him cry and he hated crying. He didn’t want to cry then and he didn’t want to cry now. He didn’t want comfort.

Blondie settled next to him on the floor with a sigh. Jasper ignored him, curling around his knees even tighter, until something crinkly tapped the side of his head.

“I bet you’re hungry. I have a protein bar I’d be willing to share in exchange for the story.”

Jasper wasn’t sure if he was actually hungry, he certainly didn’t feel that way… but he couldn’t exactly remember eating recently either. He didn’t want free food… but it wasn’t being offered freely, was it?

He tugged at his hood (though it couldn’t go any lower at this point without tugging under his armpits) before releasing it with a sigh. It took a moment to fix it, and to shift into a more comfortable position with his legs crossed in front of him. That also gave Jasper enough time to suck in a few calming breaths and focus on Blondie’s presence instead of his impending doom.

“I tell you why I was running around, and I get the food?”

Blondie hummed his assent, setting the bar on his knee and folding his hands in his lap. Jasper took a moment to observe the older boy. Blondie had really pretty features; long lashes, pale skin, thin face, big eyes. And all of those were facing Jasper with a... not quite blank, but serene look. There was no expectation, no curiosity, no demands.

His shoulders relaxed, surprising himself, he hadn’t even realised they were tense. He pulled in a deeper breath, absently scratching at his palm and then rubbing his thighs with his bandaged wrist (which Leorio did end up rewrapping during his quest to get a full checkup, along with his entire right hand because of how cut up it was), using the sharp pain from it to center his thoughts.

“I was walking around, taking notes on people. I wasn’t… really paying attention, even though I know I should have!” 

He rubbed a bit harder, the frown on his face deepening. Blondie hummed again, quietly saying, “I see.”

Jasper grunted, continuing, “Some- some rude asshole in an orange beanie just shoves me and- and my phone and my tile, I mean, my number… They went flying. I didn’t want to get attacked from behind so I- Well, I turned on him, waiting for him. He didn’t attack though. Just fixed his beanie and said sorry like he hadn’t meant to do it! There was no way he ‘accidentally’ bumped me! I may have been distracted but I’m not- not that unaware!”

“And what happened then?”

He sucked in a breath, Blondie’s voice breaking him from his increasingly loud rant. His shoulders slumped and he stopped rubbing his thigh, wanting the ache in his wrist to stop. Hadn’t he just been thinking he shouldn’t hurt himself? And here he was making his wrist hurt even more. The sharp pain was gone but now it was throbbing constantly. “This guy had my phone. I got it back,” he muttered. “But I couldn’t find my number tile. I didn’t want to be there, though, so I left. Made sure my phone wasn’t broken. It’s not… but that blue bastard must have deleted some of my stuff. I know I put my target number on the phone. But it’s not there…”

Blondie was frowning now, his eyes narrowed and drifting to the side. “So someone tampered with your phone and stole your target number. You said he was wearing blue? Can you describe him?”

“Not sure how much good it's going to do you, but sure.” There really wasn’t a point going back over to the ones that had messed with him- and he was positive that they messed with him just to see him fail because adults were like that - as they’d just deny everything. Jasper wasn’t dumb. And he wasn’t about to confront adults that he couldn’t attack. “He was wearing a blue shirt, grey pants. Big fat guy with an ugly nose. Pretty tan, too.”

Blondie twitched at the description. The next word was barely more than a whisper but that didn’t stop Jasper from hearing it. “Tonpa.”

“You know him,” he asked suspiciously. Blondie was on his phone, yes, but that didn’t mean he could fully trust him. Especially in a competition. He’d like to, of course, but… some people seemed nice but really weren’t.

“We had to work with him in the trick tower,” the blonde admitted sourly. “He’s a nasty character. Proudly proclaims himself the Rookie Crusher.”

And that just made Jasper’s heart fall to his feet. Rookie Crusher. It looked like Blue Bastard had succeeded because he’d certainly gotten in a crushing blow on a rookie; namely him. The urge to break the man’s fat nose was building ever stronger inside of him. Maybe he could go punch him. Jasper had already lost the next round, so it couldn’t hurt, right? Maybe he could punch him right in the groin. The man was squatter than he was used to but Jasper would have no problems still landing a low blow.

“Don’t worry about him,” Blondie sighed, scooping up the wrapped protein bar and tossing it over. Jasper snatched it quickly, glancing over in disbelief. “Even if you don’t know your original number, you can still grab three badges to make up for the points.”

In the middle of tearing the top of the wrapper, he paused, letting out an incredulous, “I can?”

“Yes.” His sitting partner chuckled and stood, brushing down the wrinkles in his weird overclothes. “I know you wrote what the Examiner said on your phone. You can double check there. Enjoy your food.”

The smile on the teen’s lips was near angelic to Jasper as he eagerly took the advice and grabbed his phone from his lap to pull up his notes. Lo and behold… Blondie was right. He’d read the words but hadn’t really processed them. He’d been so focused on the missing information that the stuff he had right here had flown right through his head. He groaned, reprimanding himself thoroughly. 

Panic was bad! Panic led to bad things. Like right now. And not remembering his own target number. His head was even mixing them up with Gon and Whitey’s- 

Wait. He’d shown the other boys his tile. They likely knew what his number was!

But… he didn’t really want to ask them. Gon was distracted (had even asked for space!) and Whitey was rude. He did not need to be made fun of for losing and forgetting his tile and number. 

No. He would be able to do this just fine himself.

Chapter Text

He waited and watched, settling low in the bushes. His chosen target (the only target he’d run into in the last five days) had been camping at the stream for- what looked like- a while. It wasn’t anything fancy but Jasper could admit that if he hadn’t seen the butterflies, he never would have noticed the campsite. There were a few settling around a few blood spots on the tree and it had attracted his initial attention.

He didn’t remember anything before yesterday, not uncommon, but he did have several useful little notes. One of which was about the Blood Butterflies. His first day on the island he’d left a note about how he’d had to leave his cloak behind for a while because they were attracted to the blood and exactly how he could find it again. His second day was marked by another Butterfly note mentioning his hands and thighs and telling himself not to scratch too hard and make himself bleed. He’d almost gotten caught apparently. And it explained the scabbing welts on his inner thighs.

The second important note also happened on the second day and that was an extra badge that he’d found. There wasn’t any mention of how he found it, but he was now the proud owner of badge number 197, which left him with only two more points to get.

And the last important note was from day four, yesterday. He’d found a small camp tucked in the hollow of a tree right next to a small stream. It had only recently been used and there were still items there (no badges unfortunately) so he’d decided to wait.

Already on day five, Jasper was very much eager to get some more points. There was still time, but he wanted to be done with gathering as quickly as possible. Hiding was much easier than following and stealing, after all.

It was only when the sun was on its way down again that something rustled in the bushes far off to his right. Jasper made no move beyond tilting his head to better hear what was going on. An old man finally stepped out into view, making his way over to the tree. His steps were light and sure and he moved gracefully despite the obvious wound on his temple.

That wasn’t a good sign for him. Jasper had made it this far by not underestimating his opponents. It was something that he took advantage of quite happily and therefore something he also needed to watch out for in others. The way this man was moving… was a fair sign that he knew how to move well and possibly fight well. His clothes were somewhat familiar, looking vaguely like something Ma would wear. Except she had shorts and this guy had a weird skirt looking thing with white pants underneath. He wondered if the length hindered movement at all?

The man glanced up, almost directly at Jasper, a small frown on his wrinkled face. For a moment the boy thought he was had but he still refused to move. Inside his head was a litany of ‘I’m not here, you can’t see me, ’ variations.

With a barely noticeable hum, the old man turned away, his high silver-haired ponytail swaying with his movements. Jasper did not dare let out a breath of relief, instead settling in for a long night of watching.

----------------

Running!

He was running!

After hours and hours of creeping closer, he’d finally lifted a single badge from the inside of the man’s weird half robe top while he was asleep. Then there were eyes looking at him and Jasper took off, lamenting the fact he couldn’t snatch the second one that was right there .

He was fast. In fact, speed was only one of the few things Jasper had going for him. But this guy was way faster than his age would suggest! Every time he thought he’d lost the guy, he’d appear ahead of Jasper to try to snatch him unawares. Well, he’d almost fallen for it twice. He was better about avoiding that. The only problem now was… he was getting tired, his legs were burning, and his lungs had gone numb (which was sort of a relief but he wasn’t sure if it was a good thing).

--------------

Ok so… he’d lost not only his own badge (which had been humiliating!) but also the two that he’d collected so far and the only words that the old man had for him were, “Children shouldn’t be fighting.”

Jasper’s eyes narrowed. This meant war, Geezer.

After taking (probably far too long) to collect himself, calming his breathing and slowing his heart rate, he brushed the old man’s blood off his lips. Starting slightly as a butterfly landed on his hand, he focused his full attention on it. He watched it crawl on his hand, tiny little legs shifting back and forth over the blood. Slowly, a grin crept over his face as a plan formed in his mind’s eye.

-------------

The butterflies were actually a very useful distraction. 

With his cloak retrieved after a brief respite to rest his legs, he’d carefully carried it- and the butterflies still crawling all over it- back to the clearing. It was hell crawling up a tree without disturbing the insects but mission accomplished! With that done, he waited and watched. The sun was still gone and the Geezer was still on high alert. He only needed a tiny break in that concentration.

It was as the sky was starting to lighten again that his chance finally came. The Geezer had exited his little hollow and was kneeling over the stream. He was still wary but not nearly as much as he should have been. Maybe the man was tired but what did Jasper care? Jasper was also tired but he had determination practically singing in his veins. There was way too much at stake for him to lose here.

A branch cracked upstream and the Geezer’s head tilted in that direction, eyes narrowed.

Jasper took his chance. He flung the insect-laden garment down right over the Geezer’s head.

It was a kaleidoscope of bristling redredred .

He dropped down into the cloud, focusing on the startled exclamation to find his target, fingers reaching for where he saw him tuck the badges away. The cloak was thrown off much too quickly for his liking but the butterflies weren’t done yet. Attracted to the fresh blood from Jasper’s bite inflicted wounds, the old guy was practically swarmed. It was perfect.

He snatched the badges, ripping them indelicately from the inside of the old man’s weird robe top and booked it. Fingers brushed against the back of his arm, but this time he was more prepared. Jasper took to the trees.

----------------

Day six was going strong and he’d only successfully lost the Geezer by jumping in a fast moving river that spat him out right into the ocean via waterfall. Jasper hadn’t even been aware he could swim until that moment. But… as he clung to the rocks as much as he could without slipping, he couldn’t help the fiercely triumphant grin that settled on his face.

That old Geezer wouldn’t soon be forgetting that he might be faster than him in a chase but Jasper was much sneakier. He had the feeling the forest wasn’t his normal hunting grounds, but he didn’t really care because being sneaky over branches and dead leaves was about the same as being sneaky over glass and trash. No matter his lack of skills in other areas, Jasper would always be proud of his ability to make no noise when he was trying. And his ability to run along tree branches instead of the thick forest floor. Because that was immensely helpful in losing the Geezer as well. The Geezer may be fast but he was also less nimble and much much heavier.

Now… how was he supposed to get back up?

---------------

That night Jasper had tucked himself into a tree after making sure his clothes were dry enough that dripping wouldn’t give him away. This time he had pinned the badges a little further down inside his pantline so the tops wouldn’t be peeking over the edge. He hadn’t realized it had been visible at all until the Geezer had pinned him to the ground and taken it from him. The man hadn’t left without a few nasty bites (one to the forearm, two to the hand, and one to the shoulder when he’d missed lunging for the throat), for Jasper, even pinned, was not one to stop fighting if he could. 

Despite still being upset over the old man’s condescension… Jasper also knew he was extremely lucky. With how easily he’d been caught and subdued ( nonononono please not again no ) he knew that the Geezer was strong. Much much stronger than Jasper. And the only reason he’d gotten away the second time was desperation. He’d been stupid. What if he didn’t know how to swim? If he’d died? He’d never get back to his family that way! 

He winced, pulling his hand away from his thigh. He’d been scratching without realizing again… He glanced at his palm, staring at the mottled pink bumps that had appeared. He’d removed the bandages some time ago, wondering why they were so itchy, and he’d found this. It looked like a sort of rash and he had no idea where it came from. He might think it was from some sort of poisonous plant that he’d touched without knowing while trying to gather berries… but the same thing was also on his thighs and lower belly. The itch could get so bad Jasper almost felt like those parts of him were burning off.

The only reprieve he’d had (other than momentary distractions) had been the ocean water. Maybe it was the salt? Whatever it was, he hadn’t realized the itch had been gone for… for hours, now that he thought about it. Maybe he should go take another dip in the ocean when he wakes up.

Pulling his sleeves lower (he missed his cloak… the sacrifice was needed but highly mourned), he curled into the cradle of branches he’d found and drifted off without even realizing.

“Hey, kid.”

Jasper opened his eyes, recognizing the voice. He couldn’t see. It was too blurry.

But he knew who it was. His uncle sounded sad. He didn’t like it.

“Uncle Gin,” he croaked. 

“Yeah, kid. How ya feeling?”

Gross. And hot. And itchy. He didn’t like it. He couldn’t scratch the itchies away because Daddy had put mittens on his hands. Now they were starting to burn. He wanted the itchies to stop.

But he couldn’t voice this. His throat hurt. He let out a thin, tired sob.

“Not so good, huh? Yer… Yer Daddy’s out tryin’ to find some medicine. But I don’t think he’ll… He’ll be back soon, though. Promise.”

“Daddy.”

There was a sound like a sob, but Uncle Gin never cried. He liked to smile big and wide. Jasper wished he could see that warm grin again.

“Hey. Buddy, do you want to surprise your Daddy?”

Jasper shifted, trying to look at his Uncle Gin but even that tiny movement was exhausting. He gulped in a few reedy breaths before trying to answer. “Su-Surprise?”

“Yeah. Yeah. We could make you all better, right now! You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

All better? He wanted to be better so badly. Ever since he started itching, everyone was sad. He didn’t like it. And now… now he couldn’t even see them anymore. 

He shivered, the chills coming back, making the itchies burn even hotter.

“I wanna…”

“Alright… Alright. It’s gonna hurt. It’s gonna hurt a lot.” Uncle Gin’s voice was small and quiet, nothing like normal. He didn’t want to hurt, but he wanted normal back. “But just think about your family, okay? All of us. You want to be here with us.”

“Forever,” he whined quietly. He wanted to be with them forever.

“Forever and always, kid. Just think about us and only us, ok?”

Large strong fingers brushed against his forehead, moving the sweaty hair away. A palm settled on his cheek, feeling cool and nice. 

Jasper thought he heard Uncle Gin say something else but-

Everything hurt.

Someone was screaming.

And suddenly he could see everything. The room he was in came into sharp focus and Uncle Gin was standing over him, yelling at the doorway.

Why am I awake?

Jasper felt stronger now. The itching was gone. He curled his fingers in the rough, sweat soaked sheets, his lungs heaving for fresh air. 

“What have you done-”

“-Going haywire-”

“-too young! How dare-”

Everything was so loud. Inside. Outside. He knew… He knew something was wrong but he wanted to stay with his family. Like Uncle Gin said.

“Grab- Alna-”

“No! No! Baby-”

Mom appeared over him, her eyes wet with tears, hair in disarray. He wanted to say hello. Tell her he was better now. But his mouth didn’t move.

Family?

Family. Family. Family. He wanted to stay with them. Forever and always. He wanted to get better for them. See their warm smiles again. Play in the sun.

“Jas- Jas- breathe!”

“What’s going-”

“Sorry.”

Blonde hair. Blue eyes. A sad frown.

Darkness.

This shouldn’t have happened. 

Jasper gasped, startling upright. No. No, he didn’t want to fade! He wanted to stay with his family!

He twitched when a cool wind burst across his sweat soaked face. His eyes focused and he blinked harshly, staring at the leaves all around him.

That dream… That dream was so familiar. It felt like a memory but…

He rubbed at his hair aggressively before reaching into his pouch to pull out his phone. He clicked the side, frowning when it didn’t turn on. Was it dead?

He pulled out the charger next but that also didn’t turn on.

He reached up to tug his hood in frustration- except… it wasn’t there. In fact, he wasn’t even wearing his cloak. What… no. Something had obviously happened. But if he couldn’t get on his phone-

He scratched irritably at his palm. Then he stopped and stared at the ugly rash like bumps. The itching was so familiar. Had he been itching so bad he dreamed about it?

Not important. He needed to do a full review of what he had and where he was.

His pouch was fine but the texture felt slightly different. He rubbed at it and came away with something white on his fingertips. Sniffing it gave no clues, but tasting it? Salt. And it was crusted all over his pouch. Now that he was looking, it was on his phone and charger and clothes and extra bag-

When did he get an extra bag?

He stared at the nice looking leather in confusion before pulling it onto his lap. There was a cracked container in the biggest pouch with a bit of water in it. (Tasting it was a mistake. Salt water was just nasty.) A few crushed berries were in the smaller pouch, probably staining it irrevocably. Not that that mattered. What really mattered was that he couldn’t eat them because they were also covered in salt and tasted nasty.

Right… extra bag was nice for carrying space but obviously held nothing special (like his missing cloak). Moving back over to his pouch, he ran through his few items and ended up frowning. The wire was still there, but he had no knife, only the sheath. His shoes were fine, as was his shirt even if it was really dirty. His pants on the other hand… were fine except for these weird circular tags that were pinned to the inside.

What in the world had he been doing?

A loud boom went off in the distance and Jasper nearly fell out of the tree in surprise. Quickly following there was an announcement loud enough to make his ears ring. “In a while the fourth phase of the Hunter Exams will come to an end! All participants are welcomed back to the starting point of the forest. The participants must make themselves known within one hour. Failure to arrive at this time will lead to disqualification.

Please pay close attention now participants! Any tags stolen from time onwards will not be counted! Verifications will be made and people who break this rule will be disqualified.”

What an information dump. Also, extremely convenient and useful. Jasper was more than likely a participant considering the numbered badges tucked into his pants.

Now… he still had the problem of figuring out where the starting point was.

Kurapika sat against the tree, watching everyone else on the beach. So far their entire group was here, sans Jasper. Gon was frowning down at his fishing rod in his lap, seated cross-legged in the sand. Leorio was shifting through his briefcase, possibly getting ready for the possibility of the smallest child showing up. Kurapika didn’t really think that was likely but better prepared than not. Killua had come from the bushes only a little while ago and was leaning against a tree a few feet away, watching just as Kurapika was doing.

The next person to enter the clearing was an old man in formal martial artist clothes and there was a frown on his lips. When he glanced around the beachfront, his frown grew deeper, a worried look settling in the wrinkles on his face. He turned right back around and headed into the forest again.

Kurapika blinked but ultimately ignored the strange scene. The man was probably looking for an ally of his and didn’t find him there.

Instead, he turned his attention back to Gon who had been acting very sullen ever since he’d met with him and Leorio in the forest. Honestly, he was just happy (and very very surprised) that Gon was alive. The boy seemed to have other ideas, though. Kurapika had already handled one distraught child on the ship and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to handle another one. Jasper, he could sort of understand based on his own past but Gon was like a mystery. His thought processes were so different from the norm that it left Kurapika reeling sometimes.

He glanced back over to Leorio, who was pacing now, muttering under his breath and staring off into the forest. A sigh of exasperation left him. The man had been (rightly) worried the entire time they’d been together for this phase. The older teen had even surprised him with his vehemence in dealing with Tonpa. Leaving him tied up and smeared in berry juice to attract all kinds of insects was inspired and also slightly cruel. Not that Kurapika stopped him. Jasper had not been in a good state (not that he’d ever seen him in good state anyway) when they’d landed on this island. As one of the middle group to pass the last phase, he’d also disappeared into the forest long before any of the rest of their group did. And not once had they seen or heard from him on the island. That wasn’t strange considering how large it was, but it was still worrisome. 

Kurapika shifted his head back to rest on the bark, staring at the blue cloudless sky. He didn’t want to admit he was worried. He didn’t want to think about the little boy at all because they were in a competition and he needed to focus. That thought process had led to a loud, ugly argument with Leorio which had sent the both of them off in a huff. They’d reunited hours later, of course, but that didn’t mean it hadn’t happened.

While he still felt justified in his argument (even if it made him sound like a cold-hearted bastard) he also felt the need to apologize. He hadn’t yet. He should. But he didn’t want the argument to be rehashed, especially in front of so many people. 

“Jasper!”

He tilted his head over to Leorio who had sprinted a few feet into the forest and was now fluttering about a very startled looking child. It took Kurapika a moment to realize that that was, in fact, Jasper. He’d never actually seen the boy without his robe.

He was much more gaunt than Kurapika was comfortable with. The robe had done quite a lot to hide exactly how terrible the boy looked. His black hair stood in disarray around his head, obviously self cut- probably with a knife- as there were chunks that were shorter and others that were much longer than the rest. His grey long-sleeved shirt was faded but looked to be in fair condition, if only it wasn’t hanging off his frame like a tent. His pants were much better, looking fairly new compared to the rest of him, made from some sort of soft material that looked like a mix of sweats and jeans. Those, at least, fit him even if they were worryingly small.

His fingers clenched in his tabard, before he pushed himself up to intervene. Jasper looked like he was about to go feral and rip Leorio’s face off. And what a strange thing it was to actually see the boy’s expression, normally covered by that hood he always kept up.

Gon fell in step with him a moment later and they both sped over to the oncoming confrontation.

“Jas! Jas! I’m so happy you made it,” Gon shouted, waving an arm above his head as he slung his pole over one shoulder. 

Thankfully, this caught the boy’s attention enough that he was able to quickly grab Leorio’s elbow and drag him back. The older teen grunted but he didn’t release his grasp, instead hissing up at the man. “He hasn’t realized who we are yet!”

Leorio’s face fell into chagrin when he realized his mistake. A hand came up to scrub through his short black hair and he let out a tired huff. “My bad,” he murmured, watching Gon trying to talk to the boy who looked like a feral cat about to take a chunk of someone’s flesh.

“What! Oh no, that’s terrible! But I can prove I know you,” Gon rambled. “You came to the Hunter Exam so you could find your family! You call me Greenie because you said colors are easier and green makes you feel safe. I promised to remind you when you forgot stuff and-”

“Ok! Ok! You can stop,” Jasper whispered, his hands held up in a sign of surrender.

Leorio made a sound of dismay in the back of his throat and Kurapika could definitely see why. For one, the bandages were gone, and two, his palms were covered in bright red rashes that looked like they were forming blisters.

And that wasn’t even mentioning all the other wounds he could see littering pale skin now that he was looking. A yellowing bruise sat low on his jaw, a shiny recently healed burn mark dipped into his hair and covered part of his ear, and his hands were still very obviously scratched up. It wasn’t anything life threatening but to see them on a boy of Jasper’s size and stature was not pretty.

“But I really don’t remember you.”

Gon huffed. “That’s fine! We’re friends and I still have my promise to keep. So, did you pass? Do you have enough badges?”

“Um, I dunno. Do I?”

And there were four badges in his hand now, one of which was his own. Kurapika was… relieved and scared all at once. The boy would be passing with them… but at the same time the boy would be passing with them. And they’d never know what he’d done to get those badges. Kurapika was already against helping Jasper pass from the beginning. It was nothing personal but he didn’t want to be responsible for helping someone to pass that couldn’t actually hold their own and had the issues that Jasper did. Jasper would be safe with them… but he’d thought he’d only be safe with them. And here he was being proven wrong.

Kurapika turned his eyes up to the foliage hoping for some sort of answer. An answer to what he wasn’t sure, but he would definitely like one.

“That’s awesome! You got six points,” Gon exclaimed happily just as Killua sidled up to their group with curiosity written all over his face.

“Does six points mean I pass?”

“Yes!”

“Oh.” It started slow. First a twitch of the lips, then the parting revealing his teeth. The corners twitched higher and higher until a full blown grin stretched across the boy’s face. It did wonders to expel the lingering shadows, lighting up his pale face in sheer joy.

Kurapika had never compared the ocean- a deep sparkling blue that held untold depths but still shimmered with life- to anything before he’d seen Jasper’s eyes.

Chapter Text

“I can’t believe you broke your phone.”

“I didn’t break it!”

“You literally submerged it in the ocean.” 

“That's not breaking it!”

“Haven't you ever heard the term water damage!?”

“No- Ouch!” Jasper jumped in place, turning his attention from the white haired boy over to the scruffy suited man currently cleaning out the cuts on his hands. He glared and got an apologetic look in return. Apparently the man was a teenager but Jasper absolutely did not believe it. And if he hadn’t been bullied by the other two children in the exam, he definitely would not be doing this. “Besides there’s no proof that it went in the water,” he finished with a growl.

He disliked being so exposed to curious eyes. Without his robe there to hide him away, it felt like everyone was staring and it was making him very grumpy and snappy.

“You’re covered in salt. Your belongings are covered in salt. There’s even salt in your hair! Obviously you took a jump into the ocean.”

Before Jasper could snap back, the older man spoke up. “It’s a good thing you did. Whatever caused this reaction on your hands seems to have been affected by the salt. I think it has started healing it… More saltwater might help.”

“So, you’re saying it’s a good thing I broke my phone,” he growled.

“Ha! You admit it,” Whitey crowed. It was a nickname he was quick to stick to the boy, though he'd yet to call him that outloud.

“I admit nothing!”

“Killua, must you antagonize him,” the older man complained, knocking his glasses askew as he rubbed an eye with the heel of his palm.

“Pfft. Duh. Nutty’s too easy to work up.” There was a sparkle in the blue eyes staring at him and Jasper was about ready to strangle this kid with his garotte wire.

“What did you call me?”

“Open your ears midget! I said Nut-ty! Need me to repeat it again?”

“Oh, that’s it!”

“Hey I’m not done wrapping your- Hey! Watch the family jewels, you little demons!”

“Do you feel any better now?”

Jasper blinked in surprise and glanced over at the other boy who was laid out on the ground just like Jasper, taking in his scowl and forward facing eyes. There was hardly any sign of exertion which irked him a little. Jasper himself was panting up a storm. “What?”

“Don’t make me repeat myself.” 

Rude. But… yeah. Jasper did feel a little better even despite his physical fatigue. The frustration and paranoia that had been building had settled down, letting him think clearly. He didn’t know whether he should say as much, though. Whitey had explained, with a long suffering look on his face, and with Greenie’s help, exactly what they were to him. Or what they thought they were to him. He didn’t see himself ever having friends. He’d always been alone.

Well, okay, that was a bit of a lie considering he used to have his family. But after that… he was pretty sure it had just been him. He made it this far on his own, so what use was baggage now except to help him pass this exam? But… but Whitey- Killua as he kept insisting once he’d finally snapped out his nickname during their tussle (and there was a mention of a bet in there but it hadn’t been expounded upon)- had actually helped him calm down. It felt nice.

They’d wrestled for a good long while before the drab doctor business suit guy had finally thrown his hands up and stomped off. Then the fighting had ramped up, his mouth had made quite the bloody indent on Killua’s wrist and the kid’s nails had somehow made several small slashes across Jasper’s nose. Then parts of the room had started to be incorporated and it had seemed more about who had the most creative weapon than who could hurt the other more at that point. (Killua won with a tissue. He had no idea one could be used like that.)

Who knew that fighting could be so therapeutic?

“I guess I do,” he eventually muttered grudgingly. 

“Good. Then you can stop sulking and go talk to Gon. He’s been off too and I’m sure you speaking to him will make you both feel better. I’m gonna go grab a bite to eat.”

Without so much as a by-your-leave, Whitey rolled onto his feet, snatching up the board that he’d whacked into Jasper’s torso earlier and sauntered out the door, leaving Jasper there blinking in bewilderment. That was it? No more questions? He just said yes and it was accepted? That’s not- that’s not how it works…? Right? 

Ugh… Whatever.

Jasper turned his eyes back to the ceiling, contemplating if he should actually get up and go seek out Greenie...er, Gon. He was never going to remember their names without his phone. He had… no idea what he was going to do without his phone actually. It was surprising that he wasn’t freaking out about it more. Instead, his thoughts were revolving around Gon’s promise and Killua’s surprise intervention.. Should he really claim them as friends?

“In a while the president will receive you for a conversation. When your number is called, please make your way to the reception room.”

He glared at the speakers in the room for interrupting his thoughts. Then the full meaning of the words processed and he jolted up with an unhappy breath. His belly felt bruised dammit… More importantly, though… What was his number and where was the reception room?

Who retains the most of your attention?

Um… I don’t really know numbers but the other two about my age.

Who do you want to fight the least?

Everyone? I guess I’ll fight if I have to, though. In that case it could be anyone.

Jasper bit his lip, glaring down at the paper in front of him. His horrifically sloppy writing was all over the lined pages. It was his own writing and he couldn’t even make heads or tails of what he’d written. Who knew that copying letters could be so difficult?

He thought it would be best to write stuff down until he could get a new phone. Except… well… he couldn’t write. He’d never learned with his family, preferring to sit in Daddy’s lap and read instead. It just… hadn’t been needed and now he was apparently paying the price.

When a knock came at his door, he threw the pen he’d been crushing in a fit of frustration. Then he popped himself to his feet and marched over, swinging it open with a scowl.

Greenie stared back at him with a large happy grin on his face. “Hey Jas! I came to see how you were doing! I was getting bored and Leorio wanted to check on you too. I figured I could do that for him and we could hang out.”

The sudden onslaught of excited words killed his frustration quickly. He blinked at the boy before shuffling aside quietly. A distraction is probably what he needed. Greenie skipped past him happily, immediately checking out the space that Jasper had made into his own until the last phase. He thought it had been two days since he’d picked this room but he wasn’t quite sure. Actually, now that he thought about it, Greenie being here could be a great memory refresher.

“Whoah! What’s all this? Are you writing in a secret code?”

Jasper twitched. “No.”

“Oh, I see. Um… are you practicing then?”

Okay, maybe having Greenie come in had been a terrible idea. He should have at least trashed his pathetics attempts at organizing and retaining his thoughts. 

“No,” he scoffed. “Just ignore it. You said something about hanging out?”

Greenie cast another glance at the spread of papers, his gaze quietly searching before he finally turned and grinned even brighter. “Yup! Killua said he was taking a nap, Kurapika isn’t in his room, and Leorio is in the medical wing talking to the Doctors. And I haven’t had a chance to hang out with you since the forest! I was too worked up on the ship and I didn’t see you at all on the island!” 

He stared blankly for a moment before turning around and making his way over to the couch where he plopped down with a frown. So… he was the last choice then. He had no idea what other places Greenie was talking about and while he was slightly interested in learning… he was also stuck on the fact that he was the last choice. It shouldn’t make his chest twinge. They weren’t close. Jasper didn’t have friends.

That didn’t mean he didn’t want them.

Greenie was only a few steps behind him, and by the time Jasper had situated himself on the couch, Grennie had plopped on the arm rest right next to him. Like this Greenie was much taller and Jasper had to look up. A motion that felt particularly wrong even though he wasn’t sure why.

“You’ve been in your room for two whole days! We were all waiting for you to show up in the cafeteria but then the old man said that the examiner lady from the forest had been bringing you food. Which is really cool! She must really like you!”

“Greenie-”

“Gon!”

Jasper paused at the interruption, unsure. When the other boy just stared right back at him, he quietly corrected himself and moved on. He hadn’t truly noticed how amber Gon’s eyes were and there was just something there that was-

Unsettling.

Like he saw too much. Too much that Jasper didn’t want him to see.

“Right. Gon. You mentioned… a forest, and a ship, and an island?”

There was a long moment where no answer was forthcoming, just a gentle amber gaze. It made his chest tighten and his belly flutter unpleasantly. When he opened his mouth again to disrupt the silence, Gon finally spoke. “I sure did. I’d be happy to tell you about them. But first, you gotta answer some questions, okay? Leorio spent a lot of time making sure I’d remember them,” he laughed nervously.

“Sure?”

“Great! Do you have any more itching on your palms, belly, or thighs?”

Itching? He glanced at his palms curiously and was surprised to find they were covered in a rashy looking red. No itch though, and he said as much. After that it was a few more questions about his general health ( like the last time he ate and slept if he remembered) before they moved onto storytelling time.

And what a story it was. He got to hear from an outside perspective what his bad days looked like. He got to hear about his adventures with Gon and Killua and Kurapika and Leorio. He got to hear about the adventure they had themselves and how they were reunited at the bottom of the stone tower. And then the same thing happened on an island in the middle of nowhere. 

In all honesty, it sounded like one big fairytale. Something he could read in one of his Daddy’s books. But the earnestness and vigor in Gon’s speech was more telling of his honesty. Though the telling itself left a lot of details to be desired, instead replaced by words like whoosh and bam, he had actually had several of his questions answered. Like how they met and why, even despite being unnerved by him, Jasper felt so safe around Gon. Unfortunately, he was also left with more questions. First and foremost, a robe. Apparently, Jasper always wore one and (this is probably why he felt so exposed and ended up hiding in his chosen room) he wanted to know what happened to it and if he could get a new one.

“So, why don’t you tell me about your family?”

Completely thrown by the subject change, it took him a moment to process the question. “What?”

“Well, I’d love to hear about what happened when we were separated but you don’t remember, so instead I’d like to hear about your family! It’s only fair after telling you so much, right?” The grin had gained a bit of a mischievous edge.

“I… guess so?” There would be no harm in talking about them and he did cherish the memories he had of them. “Hm. I have my parents, five uncles, and my aunt.”

“Whoa! That’s a lot of uncles! You have an aunt too, just like me! That’s really cool!”

He scratched the scabs on the bridge of his nose as a shy smile spread across his lips. “Is it really a lot? I wouldn’t know… but all my uncles are the best! What’s your aunt like?”

Gon shifted, throwing his hands up in the air and launching into a long spiel about how amazing his Aunt Mito was and how much she took care of him. It made him a little jealous. Why did he have to be the one separated from his family? Why couldn’t he have grown up with them like Gon got to grow up with his?

“Oh, I’m sorry! I asked about your family and then started talking about Aunt Mito,” the green clad boy laughed sheepishly.

“It’s fine,” Jasper murmured, waving his hand dismissively. “I asked.”

“It’s not fine. I made you sad again. Darn it!” Sad again? He hadn’t been sad earlier, so what in the world was this boy talking about? “I shared a memory so it’s your turn! You get all happy when you talk about your family so I want to hear more.”

He was quiet for a moment, still confused about what Gon was talking about. But he relented eventually with a sigh. “One of my favorite memories is when I found a spider. She was really pretty, all big and black with a vivid red marking on her belly. I was really young and I could squeeze into tight holes. It used to make my family crazy with worry, I think because of how I’d get hurt. But, well, I squeezed into a hole this time because I saw something shimmering and it wasn’t until I’d almost stumbled onto her web that I realized that it was her silk catching the sun. 

‘Pretty’, I thought. I wanted to bring it back out for Ma because she sewed all the time and wouldn’t it look so pretty if she sewed it onto her clothes? But when I tried to grab it, it got all sticky and broke apart. I was so upset that I cut my knee shifting around.”

He frowned down at his palms, clenching and unclenching his fingers, trying to remember the feel of it. “I almost stepped on her because I couldn’t see so well. She blended in really good with the darkness. But she hopped up onto my leg instead and the feel of her crawling made me stop moving. I don’t know how long I sat there, just feeling her slowly work her way up to my knee, but eventually I tried to scoop her into my hands. It took a few times because she was shy and I wasn’t very good at being careful.

When she sat on my palm, I couldn’t help but admire her in the little sunlight that shone through where her web used to be. And then I felt bad because I’d destroyed her home without meaning to. So, I took her with me so she could start a new home.”

He let out a wet chuckle, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand. “Mom was so upset when I showed her my new friend and the cut on my knee. She never liked when I cut myself but she really didn’t like my spider. Said that she was dangerous and poisonous and ‘just see this mark?’. Apparently the little hourglass on her belly was a clear sign she was poisonous. I didn’t get it. I didn’t want to let her go. 

At that point, Uncle Lin and Aunt Fei had come over and were watching. Uncle Lin tried to explain that the spider could make it’s own home but I was determined to make her part of the family. They were all at a loss.

A few minutes later, Aunt Fei had left and came back with Daddy. He sat down right in front of me and smiled. He said, ‘I heard we have a new family member. May I see her?’”

He stopped, brows furrowed as he pondered on the memory again. He wasn’t sure why it was his favorite. He had so many bright and wonderful ones that it was hard to pinpoint the exact reason. 

“So what did he do?”

Jasper turned his gaze back onto Gon, blinking himself from his daze. “Hm?”

“Your dad? What did he do?”

“Oh, right. Sorry. He took her into the house and settled her in a container after poking holes in it. Eventually, she was upgraded to a glass tank. Her name was Mimi. I loved to feed her bugs and she got really big really fast. The last I remember her she took up my whole palm.”

Gon was grinning that same wide happy grin. “Your dad sounds so cool! I’d really like to meet him some day.”

“You would?” The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. He couldn’t see why Gon would be around when he got back to his family. He probably wouldn’t even remember the boy!

“Yea! You’re my friend, Jas. And I’d be more than happy to help you look for your family after this. I’m still looking for my Dad, too but I don’t have any leads just yet. I don’t think you do either, so we can look together, right?”

Together?

He glanced around the room he’d been sheltering in for two days (according to Gon). There was a bed that was still made, the white sheets folded crisply and cleanly, sitting in the middle of the room. Up against the wall was the couch they were currently occupying and on the other side of the room was a big black box that looked expensive sitting on top of a dark wooden dresser. Over by the door that led to the bathroom, sat his pouch and satchel, leaning against the wall and supporting each other. Then there was the mess of papers on the floor that he’d been agonizing over. It was empty and cold, his presence only marked by his packed away belongings (not that there was very much) and his frustrating learning project.

All of a sudden, Jasper was hit by a wave of loneliness so hard that tears instantly sprang to his eyes and he crumpled forward trying to cover his mouth with both hands. 

He wanted his parents.

He wanted to see his house lined with stacked books in the living room, with the leaky faucet in the kitchen, and the noisy creaky window of his room.

He wanted to hear Mom laugh, feel her fingers in his hair again.

He wanted-

To not be alone.

He scrubbed his face roughly, trying to will the tears away but they only fell faster. Crying was terrible and he hated it! He wanted to stop!

“Jas…”

A warm body pressed tightly to his side making him flinch. When nothing else happened except the warmth seeping into him, he allowed himself to just feel it. He accepted the presence and the warmth, desperately clinging onto the sensation that he could hardly feel in his memories. At this point, his breathing was starting to become difficult because of his stuffy nose and his eyes were burning. Why did he have to be like this? 

He lifted his head to look at Gon who was staring at him with a furrowed brow.

“I d-don’t want to be a-alone,” he hiccuped pathetically.

And Gon’s face softened in a small smile. It made his eyes practically glow with a subtle warmth and welcome. A green sleeve slowly pressed against his face making him flinch again in surprise. Gon was not deterred, gently wiping his face until finally his tears stopped out of sheer surprise. “You don’t have to be. We’re friends, whether you remember or not. I’ll just stay by your side to keep reminding you, okay? I promise.”

Of course, the waterworks started anew. 

“I w-want to be friends,” Jasper howled. “I want to be friends! I want to be friends!”

“Oh man! You weren’t supposed to cry again,” Gon squawked right before Jasper shoved himself into the boy’s space, latching around his torso with all the strength he could muster.

They weren’t sure how long his whole breakdown had lasted, but it was certainly long enough for Gon’s tummy to start growling. Feeling exhausted and refreshed all at once, Jasper followed the brunette to the cafeteria after a little cajoling. The hallways weren’t familiar even if they were pretty. With white flooring and soft gold walls, they glowed in the light of the sun streaming in through the windows. Being stuck in his room had not done him any navigational favors, so he stuck close to his new friend not wanting to get lost

“I hate crying,” he mumbled, scrubbing at his face. Even though he'd splashed his face with cold water to lessen the redness, they still felt irritated and itchy.

“Crying isn’t a bad thing,” Gon laughed. “Aunt Mito says it’s good to release your emotions! If you bottle them up then you could explode!” The green clad child was walking next to him, arms thrown behind his head casually. “Hey, Jas?”

“Yeah?”

“What’s it like waking up and not remembering anything?”

Jasper blinked a few times, pulling his fist away from his face. “You ask really weird questions, you know that?”

“Well how am I supposed to know if I don’t ask,” he protested.

That was a fair point. Thankful for Gon’s help and company, he decided to answer.

“Terrifying. Disorienting. I always feel lost, wondering what had happened. Where am I now? Have I gotten closer to my family? Am I in a dangerous situation? It’s hard…” He let out a short breath, brushing some hair away from his eyes. It was getting in his way, maybe he should cut it?

“Hm. Well, that sounds pretty terrible… What about if you slept with me? Do you think that would make it easier?”

He paused, next to a window, staring out at the green trees planted in straight lines along the border of the property. Would that make it easier for him? Jasper didn’t really think so. Waking up to having someone there would just make him question who they were and what they were doing near him. But… it would be really nice to fall asleep knowing that someone was there, that he wasn’t alone. “No, I don’t think so,” he answered finally. “But… I would like to fall asleep… with my friend.”

Gon’s smile was as bright as ever. “Okay! We’ll do that from now on!”

Gon and Jasper had only just started eating when Whitey wandered in, quick to snatch a tray and plop next to Gon. Blondie and Doctor Drab came soon after. He looked around the table, watching Gon and Whitey try to out eat each other while Blondie watched in horrified amazement. Doctor Drab had asked the exact same questions Gon had earlier and Jasper answered them easily with an amused smile. Sitting here, surrounded by people that he hardly knew and wasn’t going to remember… still made him feel warm. Included. Even knowing they’d have to explain over and over they still kept him close, wanted to call him friend.

For a short moment, he felt like he was with his family again.

Chapter Text

Jasper yawned quietly into his hand as he stood beside Gon and- as he has been repeatedly reminded through that annoying use of the Nutty nickname- Killua as they waited for the head honcho to start the next trial. Behind him was Doctor Drab (who’d he’d been informed had his name upgraded from Mister to Doctor just recently) and to Killua’s right stood Blondie (who was perfectly fine with their nicknames- why can’t you be more like them, Killua?) while everyone else was scattered to both sides of them. Pinhead stood by his lonesome on Blondie’s other side, while Baldie, Purple, and Clown stood to Gon’s right. He’d tried to remember them without asking but it was no use. 

The only thing he remembered from yesterday (which he was honestly surprised he had remembered anything) was a feeling of warmth that had settled in his chest. It had still been there when he’d woken up that morning. His confusion hadn’t lessened any but just the sight of green clothes had ignited the embers still there and Jasper had been lost in the strange sensation. Until Killua had decided to roll over on top of him starting a whole squawk fest.

Yea… they hadn’t gotten anywhere quickly that morning.

But now they stood in this wide room, with not just the applicants but also the examiners and a whole mob of suited men. This was all whispered in his ear courtesy of Gon hanging off his shoulder excitedly. At least this way he had some semblance of an idea of who was stuck in here with him. It had the added bonus of neatly sidestepping his possible panic attack.

Finally, after standing around for a few minutes and trying to figure out his possible opponents as discreetly as possible, the old man spoke up, one hand stroking his very strange beard. It looked like he dipped it in ink or something… Hm. That would be easy to remember.  “The last phase will consist of one on one duels! The groups are the following-”

With no flourish at all, the man reached up and yanked a white cloth off the large board that had been stationed in front of them. They were all numbers which made him frown. He had no idea what the board was saying and those little black lines connecting the numbers had to mean something, he just wasn’t getting it. Wait no… maybe the connections meant the two people with the corresponding number would fight? The old man did say duels, after all. Problem was, he didn’t know his own number let alone anyone else’s.

He glanced over at Gon who was staring contemplatively, then to Killua who looked shocked. They’d both probably explain it to him but Gon seemed safer considering all Killua did this morning was tease and wrestle with him. 

“Now the rules for this trial.” His attention snapped back to Ink Beard. “It’s very simple! One victory and you pass the exam.” One victory? He didn’t have to fight  a whole bunch of people one on one? He totally had this then. “In other words, winners quit the game one by one. The principle of the pyramid is to designate the loser, not the winner. Understand?”

Not really. But… he held onto the rule of one win, chanting it over and over in his mind.

“So, only one person loses,” Baldie spoke up, a finger tapping at his chin.

“Exactly,” Ink Beard responded, one finger pointing up. He shifted his feet, the weird sandals he was using making a clacking noise against the smooth stone flooring. “Consequently each person has at least two chances to win. Any questions?”

“Why are the pyramids so off,” Doctor Drab huffed behind him.

“A fair question! These groups were chosen using the results from previous rounds. Simply, the ones who got better marks have more chances of passing.”

“Pfft.” Killua shifted as Jasper glanced over at him. He wondered why people were asking questions when they were literally told the rules already. You just needed one win, what else was there to know or care about? “I don’t like it. Tell me how you judged these points!”

“Impossible.” 

It was such a flat response that he could feel Killua’s irritation in his response. “‘Scuse me!?”

Jasper snorted, ducking his head when narrowed blue eyes turned on him instead. Getting into a wrestling match here probably wouldn’t be such a good showing. Besides he didn’t want to show off before all these people before he had a chance to fight. So, avoiding the angry white haired child’s wrath it was. 

(And if he accomplished that by swapping spots with Gon, well… they were supposedly friends so it was fine, right?)

“The way we accomplish everything lies in absolute secrecy.” Ink Beard recaptured both of their attentions as he gestured into the air, palm flat and facing the ceiling. A smirk crossed his wrinkled face as he continued, “But I can help you to understand some of our ways. First, the basis of our evaluation starts with three essential points. Strength, Mind, and Charisma. The explanation for each: Strength starts with strength, speed, suppleness, and use of the five senses.The evaluation of the mind looks at resistance, adaptation, appreciation, and creation.

But this only responds to referenced measures. What truly allowed you to reach the end was your charisma. It is hard to quantify that quality… that essential component of a hunter. The results come from all I just told you and all that you told me. That’s all.”

That… was so confusing. They based it off of measurable abilities but then… the most important point wasn’t measurable? Then how did they measure it!?

And…

How did Jasper measure up?

“The fight rules are simple. Weapons are allowed and pushing your victim to quit signifies your victory. However, if you kill your adversary you will be disqualified! If that happens, the only ‘loser’ will be designated and the exam will end.”

Wait. 

He had to force someone to give up? He couldn’t just knock them out and win?

Jasper shivered, his shoulders tensing. Okay. This might have been a bit more difficult than he thought it was going to be. 

All he had on him was his satchel, which had a container with a few sliced fruits, and his pouch, which had his garrote wire, phone and charger, and an empty leather sheath. That really wasn’t much. His wire was his best choice but if he couldn’t use it to knock them out, what exactly was he left with? 

He couldn’t hold someone with superior strength and build… he couldn’t bleed them too much… What was it that Uncle Lin had called that one thing? Debilitation?

“Let’s start! First Round- Hanzo vs. Gon!”

Gon was first!? Wait...that meant he had to ask Killua. Urgh. Still this was important for him to know so he could plan!

With that in mind, he slowly inched over to the white haired boy. When he stood almost shoulder to shoulder with him, he quickly jabbed him in the ribs. 

“Ack! That was dirty. Was it necessary!?”

“Revenge,” was all he said, eyes forward so he could watch what Gon would do. Except they didn’t start the match right away. Instead Baldie commented on the people that supposedly followed them during the exams. He knew absolutely nothing about that, so while they were chatting he actually turned his head to face the taller boy.

“Hey… where am I on the board?”

“And why should I tell you after jabbing me?”

“I already told you it was revenge. It’s your own fault for kicking me in the cafeteria.”

“I’m going to kick you again if you don’t watch it.”

Jasper responded by sticking out his tongue. “So, where am I?”

Killua scoffed, shoving his hands deeper in his pockets. “You did pretty terrible. You're one of the last fights on the left side.”

“Last fight?”

Blue eyes glanced at him, white eyebrows inching up a pale forehead. “Do you not even know how this thing works?”

Jasper ducked his chin but it did nothing to stop the heat creeping into his cheeks. “No,” he muttered. “I get we have to win one fight and everyone has at least two chances. That’s it.”

Unlike what he was expecting, there was no teasing forthcoming. Instead, Killua frowned thoughtfully. “I guess you’ve never seen a tournament bracket then, or don’t remember if you did.” He affirmed this with a small noise of confirmation. “Right. The people who did really well, like Gon, have at least five chances to win. Others, like you, only have two because their score was low in the previous tests supposedly.”

Well… that wasn’t the best feeling in the world. His stomach felt sour now and there was something burning in the back of his throat. He hadn’t realized he’d done so poorly. “So, who am I up against then?”

“Don’t know yet. Could be Gon if he doesn’t win any of these matches. Could be someone else.”

Helpful.

“Don’t worry, Jasper. I can point out who you might have to face if you’d like,” Blondie spoke up from behind.

“I’d appreciate it,” he huffed, sticking his tongue out again at Killua. Much as he’d like to rely on himself for this, he had no idea who was who and what was going. Information was important, Daddy always told him. If you have knowledge of something, it can help you later.

“I think it’s pretty craptastic that Hisoka is one of ‘em,” Doctor Drab muttered, leaning forward to squint at the board.

“BEGIN!”

He watched both opponents practically vanish on the spot. It took a moment of searching before his eyes adjusted and he found them again. It was just in time to see Gon receive a chop to the back of his neck that laid him out quickly. Baldie was not gentle in waking him, or from any point thereafter. But Gon wouldn’t give up and Jasper admired his determination. He wondered if he could do something like that, if things got bad.

But as much as he wanted to cheer for his friend… he really needed to know about his own matches. “Hisoka?”

Blondie pursed his lips when Jasper looked at him. His eyes were focused on the fight but as soon as Jasper had spoken, his face had fallen into a grim visage. That probably wasn’t a good sign. “Well, yes. Hisoka is one. I’m another, and either Gon or Hanzo, you could end up facing.”

“Hisoka is over there,” Killua muttered with a wave in the direction of the clown looking man. He took a moment to look him over. His clothes were flashy and well-tailored, a small smirk graced the corners of his mouth, and his eyes were a cruel gold focused intently on the match in front of them. Jasper immediately didn’t like him.

There was something in his gut that was saying he would not be easy to fight, let alone force into doing anything. So he had Gon, who was his friend and he sort of really didn’t want to fight; Hanzo, who, based on how Gon’s fight was going, was way too fast for him to keep up; Blondie, who was a maybe friend who he didn’t really want to fight either; and Hisoka, who gave him flight feelings from the get go. Those were just… really bad match-ups.

He bit his lips, furiously thinking over what he could while also keeping an eye on the match.

All three hours of it.

He winced as Baldie snapped Gon’s arm like a crackly twig. Behind him, Doctor Drab was growling under his breath about fighting and Blondie was agreeing. Jasper felt… conflicted. On the one hand… that pain tolerance and determination was sort of scary but highly respectable. On the other, he also wanted to jump into the fight to make it stop. He hadn’t realized what seeing his friend being tortured for a few hours would be like…

REDREDRED

He didn’t want to hear it anymore. His hands inched up over his ears, chin ducking into his chest.

Useless, useless, useless-

He didn’t want to see it anymore. His eyes clenched shut and he bit his tongue to keep from voicing his agreement with the other two in their group.

Gon had already made it this far. He would make it much farther.

But he didn’t want to watch. ( He saw everything.)

He didn’t want to hear. ( So many screams. They wouldn’t stop screaming )

He couldn’t let himself interfere. But he couldn’t stop it. No one was allowed to stop it. Gon would get so angry. This was his fight and his alone.

He couldn’t be disqualified. He couldn’t interfere. Couldn’tcouldn’tcouldn’t-

Why couldn’t they just stop screaming?

Killua couldn’t help but think and overthink about the situation. How did the atmosphere go from tense to- to almost casual? Literally nothing had changed. Gon was still refusing to admit defeat and the self-proclaimed ninja was still threatening (and mostly succeeding) in hurting him. He turned to look at Kurapika who was commenting on the change. Him and the old man seemed like they understood what happened so maybe if he-

He paused, eyes catching on the hands digging into Nutty’s hair. The older boy had his eyes shut and there was a bit of blood dribbling from the corner of his mouth.

Not ideal.

“Hey.”

No response, but it did attract attention from the other two. Pulled from their riveted attention on the match, they seemed to process the situation quickly. Leorio's mouth was twitching and his eyes were heavy with something that looked like worry. Kurapika, on the other hand, was frowning. It was the blonde that took the first move, stepping forward and brushing his knuckles across one of Nutty’s hands.

Not even a single twitch. Now, even Killua was slightly worried. Nutty wasn’t alright in the end. He knew this from day one but there was something about seeing him in this state that made his chest clench sharply. Honestly, if he hadn’t seen the blood the boy might have just looked a little uncomfortable. Except he had seen the blood, so he could also see the sharp line of tension in his shoulders and the shaking in his hands.

“What’s wrong with him,” he muttered unconsciously.

At this point, Kurapika and Leorio had shifted. Leorio had planted his bulk between them and the other weirdos in the room and Kurapika had leaned forward to look around into Jasper’s face.

“Jasper,” the older teen said quietly. “Can you hear me?”

“Screaming,” was the mumbled reply. “Make it stop. Stop. Stop screaming.”

“Who’s screaming?”

“All of them. All of them. I can’t help them. I can’t help…”

Kurapika seemed to hesitate a moment while Killua watched the proceedings with sharp eyes. He was still paying attention to the match (and Killua wasn’t going to forget that knife to Gon’s forehead) but Gon had gone this long and he believed in the brunette’s stubbornness. Even if he wasn’t sure why Gon didn’t just quit against a superior opponent, he still believed.

So, he focused on the tiniest boy.

“No one is screaming Jasper,” he said, cutting off any reply Kurapika was trying to formulate. “No one is screaming and it’s just your tiny little nut brain. Got it?”

Leorio shifted his feet, eyes looking guilty and narrow, but he still didn’t say anything. Killua wondered if he thought his own raised voice contributed to whatever this was. It sort of reminded him of the first phase actually. Except here Jasper was responding, he just wasn’t responding coherently.

“I can’t help them…”

“You don’t have to,” Kurapika cut in. “You don’t have to help them, Jasper. You aren’t there. You’re here with us.”

“But they’re screaming!”

They all jolted at the loud words. It had attracted attention and he could see several other people focusing on them despite the monologuing ninja. Not good.

“Well, I’m gonna scream at you if you don’t open your eyes, Nutcase,” he hissed. Kurapika sucked in a breath and sent him a reproving look that he completely ignored. “So, why don’t you wake up?”

It took a moment before there was a response. The hands in his hair tightened and his cheeks twitched as if under strain. His response was quiet but it seemed to echo loudly in the sudden void of noise. “If I wake up, they’ll all be gone.”

“But we’re right here.” Jasper’s eyes opened as Gon’s voice drifted across the room. 

Their little group turned to Gon who was watching them curiously, the ninja frowning at them right next to him. Damn. They had attracted way too much attention and even interrupted the fight. 

“You’re okay, right?” Blue eyes stared at Gon for a long moment, before his hands finally fell from his hair and his shoulders relaxed. Killlua blew out a breath of relief. Jasper still seemed a little dazed but he was coherent enough to nod. “Awesome! So,” the mountain child spun back around and continued where he left off. “Let’s find another way to fight, okay?”

The ninja let out a sound akin to a boiling tea kettle and threw his hands up in the air. “I already said I lost!” Killua blinked. When exactly did that happen? There was no way this guy gave up just like that. His strength was way above Gon’s level. Maybe Killua should have paid a bit more attention? He’d only focused enough to know that it was still ongoing and they were talking to each other. “Are you stupid!? Whatever the manner of fighting, I won’t get you to admit to losing!”

“This way isn’t good enough, though!”

“Hah!? Then how exactly do you want to fight?”

“Let’s find a way together!”

Killua blinked at the comedy show that the two participants had devolved into. Then he turned back to Jasper who still looked half out of it. His eyes were hazily focused on the bickering duo, and there was a small smile on his lips. Yea. Nutty was going to be just fine now thankfully.

And somehow… somehow Gon had won against a superior opponent.

Despite the brutal knockout he was just delivered… he’d still won where it mattered. 

He needed to know why and how.

“Leorio vs. Pokkle! Begin!”

Leorio was not feeling so great. Watching three hours of torture followed up by (what looked like) a nasty trauma flashback from two literal children, had set off his not only his temper but also a severe case of nausea. Honestly, he’d been surprised that he had ended up with so many chances. Much as he liked to boast his own talents, he wasn’t really a fighter. He wanted to be a healer and the only reason he had learned to fight in the first place was his not so great childhood. Not to mention his less than stellar performances in the last phases (though getting to see that prisoner was still worth it. So worth it.). And now it was his turn to fight.

So, here he was, walking into combat at less than optimal. He was angry. He felt sick. And he just wanted this entire day to be over with.

His opponent was a smaller man with a purple head wrap over his light brown hair, with a matching purple belt over a deep red vest, and a yellow scarf around his neck. On his back was a bow and quiver, one of the arrows already in his hands. There was a cocky smirk on pale lips and Leorio could feel his pulse pounding against his forehead as he observed all of this. Pokkle didn’t seem to be a strong close range fighter which would definitely work in his favor if he pushed that advantage. 

Unfortunately, he absolutely wasn’t in the mood for this. Moving just seemed like far too much work right now when he could be back over by Jasper keeping an eye on him after his worrying episode (that he was ninety percent positive he had helped set off).

So he decided to end this as quickly as possible.

“Look, I’m not much of a fighter, you’re obviously a hunter blah, blah, blah. I don’t really give a damn right now. See, one of my friends just ended up in the hospital and the other one is not in the right state of mind to be here. So, I’m going to tell you right here and now that I’m medically trained… to an extent. I know where your nerve clusters are, I know where to cut so you don’t bleed out. In fact, I’m more than willing to show you but I have to warn you in advance that I might… make a mistake.”

With his suitcase still clutched in his left hand, his right slipped into a pocket to whip out a small pocket knife. It wouldn’t be ideal but it wouldn’t be the first time he’d relied on his tiny, extremely sharp blade to assist him. It worked great in a back alley fight, and it worked great as a makeshift scalpel. Much as he didn’t like hurting people, Leorio was old enough to know that sometimes it was necessary.

His opponent opened his mouth but Leorio wasn’t having it, making a loud sharp noise. “I don’t- Want. To. Hear. It. I don’t.” He wasn’t about to let the other man get any leeway. He needed this angry steam to keep him going, otherwise he was going to collapse under the rising tide of messy emotions trapped in his chest. If he gave into that, Leorio knew he was done. He wouldn’t win any battles.

So, he did what he had learned to do after many long, hard, hungry days. He took his anger and he sharpened it. Instead of letting it blow out and over quickly in the form of yelling and movement, he grabbed it, held it. Let it burn him as he forced it into a more dangerous form, one he promised himself he wouldn’t use again unless it was absolutely needed. He was older and wiser now, more aware of himself as well. Honing his anger wouldn’t end up with almost three dead people. No, this time it would end with a surrender. 

Simple. Sweet.

“What I want, Pokkle, is your surrender. And right now, I’m high strung enough that I’m absolutely going to get it. Because if I don’t this knife is going to be cutting a few important tendons. They can be fixed with surgery but, well, it’s never quite the same afterwards, you know?”

Pokkle scoffed, a frown firmly set onto his face now. “You’d have to scratch me first, wouldn’t you?”

His forehead pulsed again. His teeth ground together achingly in his mouth.

With more care than normal considering his raging temper right now, Leorio bent over at the waist to set his briefcase down. He chanced a glance to the side, taking in the curious expressions on his friends faces and the still half glazed look in Jasper’s eyes. 

His fingers twitched around the knife handle.

He eyed the bow slung across the other's back and the arrow still twirling in his hand. “I think those flexor tendons are calling for me,” he growled, shifting his stance.

----------

“Leorio wins!”

“Damn, old man… that was pretty vicious.” Killua’s blue eyes were tracking the brunette as he was assisted by a medic in the corner of the room. When Leorio got closer, the brat turned to him with an excited smirk on his face. “Maybe you’re cooler than I thought.”

“It was definitely surprising. I wasn’t aware you could be so cold-blooded, Leorio.” Kurapika was looking him over assessingly, as if he was being seen in his entirety. Leorio honestly wasn’t sure how to feel about that look.

“What!? I was not- What are you- It’s totally fixable! All I did was cut up his hands a little!” Of course, his hands were rather important in bow work but it got him to concede quickly. And Leorio was able to release some of his pent up aggression, even if he did end up with a nasty scratch across his jaw at the end and a few new bruises decorating his face and stomach. Pokkle, a long range hunter he may be, was a vicious striker with his punches when cornered.

“Where did you learn to use a knife like that Doctor Drab? I wanna learn that!”

He was startled when Jasper appeared in his personal space, taking a small step back. Sadly, he fell flat on his ass when his muscles gave out. There were two loud squawks as Leorio smashed his head into the floor and Jasper tumbled right on top of his chest, tugged down by Leorio’s panicked grasp.

“Oh. Whoops. I forgot to mention my arrow was poisoned with a paralytic. You’ll be able to move in ten or so days,” Pokkle called across the room, his tone a little too pleased.

Leorio had the sudden urge to patch the archer up himself, sans local anesthetic. He still needed plenty of needle practice, after all.

Chapter Text

Jasper rubbed his sore nose with a soft huff. Doctor Drab was settled against the wall, glowering at everyone that looked at him. But he had a nice view of the upcoming fights so Jasper just left him to it. After the whole fiasco of landing on the man and accidentally hitting him in a rather painful spot when he scrambled to get off, he was glad that Doctor Drab was paralysed. As much as he liked him… he looked like he had a temper and Jasper was very leery of being near angry adults (or adults in general), even if the guy looked far older than his actual age suggested.

“Next match, Hanzo vs Kurapika! Start!”

That was Baldie, right? And Kurapika was Blondie?

He felt his stomach twist unpleasantly. Hadn’t Baldie been hurting Gon? Was the ninja man going to do the same to another one of Jasper’s maybe-friends?

His nails dug into his palm and he turned away from the fight. He couldn’t watch that again. He didn’t remember the end of Gon’s fight and he didn’t want to have another episode like that. This was a good day and he didn’t need blank spots in his memories to ruin it for him. Instead, he trotted over to Lerio and plopped himself in front of the man.

Behind him he could hear dull thunks and thuds but he forcefully tuned it out. “You never told me how you managed to wield a knife like that,” he said loudly, forcing a grin on his face.

Doctor Drab blinked at him. His eyes shifted to the fight, then back over to Jasper’s face. There was a short snort before the teen tried to respond. “‘aad to l-learrrn,” he slurred awkwardly, his lips and tongue not quite moving normally. Jasper felt his right eye twinge at the strange sight but he blinked it away quickly. “‘Uff ‘ild’ood.”

“Rough childhood?” Doctor Drab hummed in confirmation. “Will you teach me?”

A loud thud sounded behind him and brown eyes flickered away again briefly. “Yeaa.”

“Awesome,” he barked in glee. “I learned a few things already from my Aunt Fei, like how to hold it and to stab the pointy end into people but you handle it way better than I do. I mean, I guess I’ve never really tried to learn more. ‘Cause I haven’t gotten much better than when I had my memories. I usually only use my knife when I know I have a shot at making it hurt. But you didn’t! You hit Purple over and over and he didn’t bleed much but his hand couldn’t hold that arrow anymore. So, does that mean you hurt the, uh, the… muscle in the hand? I can do that for the feet! Well, the ankle. But you must have a lot of knowledge about the body, right? That’s why I call you doctor, I think-”

“Hanzo wins!”

His loud rambling was drowned out by the announcement, making him jump a little. Doctor Drab’s eyes were shining with amusement and even his lips were pulling up in a smile. 

“La’errr.”

“Right… right. Sorry,” he laughed nervously. He hadn't realized that he’d been talking so much or that he’d been getting progressively louder until now. He placed his hands on the floor, lifting just enough to turn his body towards the fighters. Blondie was picking himself up off the floor with a wince, his hand rubbing at the back of his neck. Baldie was standing next to him, a small smile stretching his lips. 

“You’re pretty fast and you’ve got one hell of a swing,” Baldie commented, rubbing his sternum. “I’m sure you’ll win your next match!”

Blondie scoffed but he did nod in the ninja’s direction before heading over to Killua. From where he was sitting, Blondie looked okay, if not a little upset as he shoved his wooden blades behind his back. Relief swelled over Jasper like a wave, and he slumped a bit.

“O’aaay?”

Doctor Drab was watching him, brown eyes scanning his form carefully. He smiled at the drugged man easily. “I’m okay! I was worried about Blondie but he looks okay!”

The announcer man shifted, bringing his arm up and slashing it down the same as he had the last few matches. “Next match, Killua vs Pokkle!”

Jasper watched Killua look at the archer still sitting by the medic and let out a scoff. “That would be no fun. I give up, he can have the win. I’ll fight next round.”

He frowned in confusion. Fighting an injured man would have guaranteed a win, so why didn’t Killua fight?

Before he could even try to get up and question the other boy, the suited man spoke up again. “Very well! Pokkle wins! Next match, Kurapika vs Hisoka. Start!”

All thoughts of questioning Killua flew from his mind as soon as the clown man started walking forward. Gold eyes flashed briefly in his direction and he shivered, hunching in on himself. Even just that short view had his stomach churning in unease and Blondie was going to face this man. If he’d been worried about the fight with Baldie… well, now he was ready to flee from whatever results this fight was going to have. He couldn’t get involved and so couldn’t change the outcome. And something in his gut was saying that Blondie was going to get hit hard .

Jasper ended up squishing himself into Doctor Drab’s side. It was uncomfortable, it made his skin crawl, and it was still better than watching the fight. While he’d rather try to talk to Killua (considering Doctor Drab couldn’t really speak so well currently), the boy was focused rather intensely on the fight. So, he turned from the fight and shoved his face in between Doctor Drab’s arm and the wall and started humming a lullaby from his mom. It didn’t do nearly enough considering how loud they were but he eventually made it to the end where Kurapika was announced the winner.

Which what…?

He jerked around to stare at the clown sauntering back to his previous spot with a wide smirk adorning his face. Curiosity be damned, Jasper was not going anywhere near that man. The longer he looked at him the worse that gut feeling of his got. 

Blondie on the other hand, looked worn out and Jasper couldn’t quite understand what emotion was currently on the teen’s face. When those eyes looked up and caught Jasper looking, the blonde suddenly looked a bit horrified. Then he was rushing over with quick, neat steps. As Blondie reached them, kneeling down in front of the two of them, the announcer behind them called out, “Killua vs Gittarackur.”

“Jasper, don’t fight your first round, okay? You’ll be up against Hisoka and that… just don’t fight him.”

“I’ll be fighting clown man first go around?” he squeaked in alarm. Why couldn’t he have fought Blondie? He’d much rather have a friendly match than anything to do with a man that was giving him literal nausea.

“Yes. Please. Throw it as soon as possible.” The seriousness in Blondie’s tone did absolutely nothing but make him feel worse.

“Kay,” he responded weakly. If he threw his first match, he’d only have one more chance. It was going to be a huge gamble but… he was determined not to be the only loser.

Blondiee let out a breath, his shoulders relaxing. He turned to Doctor Drab with a small smile. “And how are you doing, Leorio?”

“Greeeaaa’,” the brunette hummed, sarcasm practically spilling from his mouth. “‘Illuaa.”

“Right. Jasper, would you like to come stand with me?” Blondie asked, glancing over his shoulder.

“Start!”

“I don’t really want to watch,” he whispered, feeling stupid over the apparent weakness. After Gon’s match, however, he just really didn’t want to see or hear any of it.

Blondie nodded, standing back up with no questions asked. He didn’t move too far away, only close enough that he wasn’t blocking their own view of the fight. Which was turning out to be more of a conversation and-

Jasper’s jaw dropped.

Did that man just shapeshift?

Pinhead wasn’t actually a pinhead!?

“Big brother Illumi!?”

“I heard you stabbed Mom and Milluki.”

Even from where Jasper was he could see Killua shudder and take a step back. His hands were already halfway up like he wasn’t sure if he should be defending himself. “You could say that…”

Wait… Killua had actually hurt his own family? But… why?

“Mom couldn’t stop crying,” the newly revealed Illumi continued. And that just made Jasper’s emotions towards the boy twist towards sour. Why would he attack his own family? Hadn't they raised him? “Tears of joy.”

His mom was happy that he stabbed her? Was it… some form of training? But then why did his big brother not know where he was?

What?

Jasper was so confused but the pinhead who was not actually a pinhead was still talking so he couldn’t even sort through all of the strange feelings that were now cropping up.

“But she’s concerned about you being out on your own so she called me to check up on you when I got the chance. Lucky me, huh? I had no idea you were going to be taking the Exams… even if Mom said you might. As for me, I’m here to get a license for a job that’s come up.”

Killua’s shoulder hunched, and despite the mess of how he felt towards the white haired boy right now it still made Jasper want to go over and try to distract his… maybe-friend. When he next spoke, Killua’s voice was subdued and hesitant even if he didn’t stumble over his words. “I don’t actually want to be a Hunter… I just felt like taking the exam.”

Okay. If he had one more confusing revelation his chest and head were surely going to explode from the emotional overload. Was this something he had been told before? Or had Killua kept it to himself? Why was he taking the Exams if he didn’t want to be a Hunter!?

Despite not wanting to watch the fight, his attention was now riveted on it. He couldn’t look away even if he wanted to.

“I see. That’s a relief. In that case I have some advice for you.” Suddenly, the air started to thicken and weigh heavily upon his shoulders. Jasper gasped in a breath, terrified of the malice now rolling off the tall man in green. For the first time, that color didn’t equate to safety anymore. “You’re not cut out to be a Hunter. You were born for one purpose. To be an assassin.”

Assassin…?

Like stab you in the middle of the night and run away, assassin…? He just couldn’t picture that!

“You’re a puppet of darkness, devoid of passion. There is nothing you desire, nor is there anything you wish for. As one who lives in the shadows, the only pleasure you’re capable of is derived from causing death. Because… that’s how Dad and I raised you.”

His hands were trembling now, in fear and growing anger. Fear for himself and for Killua and anger because… he hated how this man was talking to his little brother. That’s not how a family should treat each other. Family was supposed to be close, share fun and joy. This man, this Illumi, said that Killua wasn’t allowed to have that. That he didn’t feel that at all. It… It wasn’t right. Killua laughed and had fun- their wrestling match from this morning came to mind- and he enjoyed being challenged as far as Jasper had noticed. So- So, this man was wrong!

Though it was verging on something blasphemous to how he viewed family, Jasper thought Killua might have been in the right by stabbing them if this was how he was treated at home.

“What do you imagine you would accomplish by becoming a Hunter?”

“It’s true. I don’t really want to be a Hunter, but everyone wants something. So, you’re wrong; there is something that I really want,” Killua protested vehemently. His posture was small but defensive, ready to fight for his decision. The air only grew heavier and Jasper was now extremely worried. If this turned into another Gon match, he wasn’t sure what he would do. Killua had already admitted to not wanting to be a Hunter so intervening was a possibility. But would it disqualify him or Killua? 

And…

If Killua was really in danger would Jasper really sacrifice his chance at a license? His chance at finding his family?

“Hm. Enlighten me. What is it that you really want?” Illumi’s hand floated up in an offhand gesture of dismissal and his blank looking face and voice did not hide how contemptuous he sounded.

If Jasper thought he could get away with it, he’d stab this man right in his annoyingly blank eyes. The way that Killua lowered his head just set off every protective instinct the preteen never knew that he had. He balled his fists in his shirt and bit his lip to keep himself from doing something rash.

“What’s the matter? There really isn’t anything, is there?”

“There is!” Killua was shivering now, sweat glistening brightly on his pale skin. When he finally spoke again, his chin was tilting up but his eyes were still lowered, refusing to look at his older brother. “I… want to be friends with Gon… and Jasper…”

Jasper felt his breath catch in his throat as his chest warmed under the simple declaration. For some reason… he just knew that this was the first time the other boy was admitting this. For him to admit this in front of an older brother he was seemingly terrified of- Killua, like Gon, really wanted to be his friend.

“I’m so sick of killing people. I just want… to be friends with Gon and Jas. I just want to have fun.”

“Impossible.”

And just like that, Jasper decided that if Killua’s family wasn’t going to take care of him, he was just going to have to bring the boy to his own when he found them. They would definitely like and take care of him, especially as Jasper was going to return the friend claiming as soon as he could. As soon as Killua… was finished with his match.

“You are incapable of friendship. The only thing that you can do is discern whether or not you can kill them. That is all you were ever taught. Gon has such a radiant personality that you don’t know how to classify him. You don’t actually desire his friendship.”

At this point Jasper had pushed himself to his feet, his knees trembling with his conflicting desire to help but not get involved. 

“If you stay with him, one day you’ll end up wanting to kill him. You’ll wonder if you can and you’ll want to find out because you are, by nature, a murderer.”

Murderermurderermurderer-

RedREDReD

“We’re already his friend,” Jasper yelled, unable to contain it anymore. Behind him he could hear Doctor Drab making a loud grunt of agreement and in front of him, Blondie had turned to look at him in astonishment. “So stop talking to him like that!  He said he doesn’t want to kill anymore and you can’t make him!”

Those black eyes turned to Jasper and he froze, like a rabbit caught in the eyes of a fox. They were deep and endless, a void of nothing sat in the face of a mask that portrayed distaste the like of which one might direct at dirt on one’s shoe. “I see.” Illumi’s hand curled around his mouth as he continued speaking, turning away and allowing Jasper to discreetly gasp in a breath. “This troubles me. You are already friends, you claim? I don’t understand your penchant for monsters, Kil.”

“W-what?”

“Oh, well. I’ll just have to kill Gon and that thing.” Thing? Was… was that terrifying man referring to Jasper when he said that? Wait! He wanted to kill Gon and himself!? “Assasins have no use for friends. They only get in the way.” 

There were needles in Illumi’s hands now and he was turning back towards him. Jasper wanted to scream but his voice was caught in a thick painful knot at the base of his throat and his limbs were still paralyzed with the ever increasing malice. It was absolutely not a surprise that Killua was terrified of his older brother and though he could not express it now, he was only more determined to steal the boy away. 

(He was a good thief, after all.)

“I’ll start with the closest one.” His attention was jerked back to the immediate danger, even as Kurapika shifted in front of him, one hand already clasped around his wooden swords.

“Hey! Wait a second, the match is still-”

Faster than he could comprehend, there were needles lodged in the announcer man’s face and he was screaming as his skin started to warp painfully. Jasper could only stare in horror, those dispassionate eyes staring directly at him. “Don’t get in my way.”

His vision was suddenly blocked as more people came to stand in front of him. Blondie was directly in front of him but Baldie came to cover one side and even Hisoka shifted close enough to intervene. Though their presence was supposed to be comforting, he still felt like death was looming over him. 

“Oh. Damn. If I kill them I’ll be disqualified and Kil will automatically pass,” came the empty voice, his visage blocked by the blue of Blondie’s strange clothing choice. “Ah… and the same thing will happen if I kill it or Gon. I know! If I win, then I can kill it with no consequences. And after that I can track down Gon. If I pass this exam first, I can kill everyone here and still keep my license, isn’t that right?”

“That’s right, according to the rules,” Ink Beard responded casually and Jasper couldn’t help but gape in the man’s direction. He was agreeing to this!? Wasn’t he against the killing? He’d literally set everything up to avoid bloodshed!

“Did you hear that, Kil? If you don’t beat me, I’ll kill your friends ,” Illumi said with a chillingly dead laugh. “Will you be able to fight for your friendships?” He paused and there was silence. Jasper could not see Killua (not without putting himself into that man’s line of sight) but if he felt anything like Jasper did, it was more than understandable. “No. You can’t. Because deep down you’re more worried about if you can beat me or not, aren’t you? And you already know the answer. ‘I’m not strong enough to beat my big brother,’ you’re thinking. Remember the lesson I drilled into you? Never go up against a superior opponent.

Don’t move. Move one more inch and I will assume the fight has begun. The same goes for if our bodies come in contact with each other before the fight starts. There is only one way to stop me. And you know it… But don’t forget, if you decide that you won’t fight me, your dear friends will certainly die.”

The silence that followed was agonizingly heavy. Ringing was starting in his ears and Jasper felt as if his knees would give out any moment.

“You win, Illumi. I admit defeat.”

Killua’s voice rang clearly across the room despite being hardly above a whisper. And with it the malice disappeared, leaving Jasper gasping against Blondie’s back as he staggered forward into the teen.

That had to be the most terrifying thing he’d ever experienced. It had to be.

He was so scared that he’d been frozen! No matter how much he wanted to stand up for Killua again, his voice would not appear and his muscles would not move. Though, he did now have respect for whatever childhood the assassin boy had lived through. It must have been horrific.

And then Illumi’s voice spoke again. And it was almost happy even despite the monotone. “Ah! I feel better now. I wasn’t really going to kill your friends but now I’ve gotten what I want.” 

Jasper peaked around Blondie’s side, worried eyes taking in the scene, his fists clenching in Blondie’s clothes to keep him steady. “I have to tell you,” Illumi hummed, leaning down so he was face to face with his brother. One hand settled on his hip but the other carded through white hair until his fingers were buried and his thumb rested in the middle of Killua’s forehead. The preteen’s eyes were wide and hollow, staring as if seeing something far in the distance. “You don’t have the qualifications for friends. Moreso, you don’t need any. You’ll continue listening to what Dad and I tell you. You only have to do everything correctly and it will all be ok. And if someday it becomes necessary for you to pass this exam, then I’ll guide you but today is not that day.”

Illumi pulled away and turned to walk back to the sidelines completely avoiding the strange little huddle Jasper was in. He paused when he turned around, though, pointer finger coming up to tap his lips. “Oh, I almost forgot, Kil. Dad wants you to come home now.”

With that strange closing statement, everything fell quiet and the audience was treated to the sight of a small boy coming to life in fits and starts. And though his body jerked and moved, his face was blank and his eyes were hidden by his bangs. He didn’t move very far, only a few feet away from the middle of the room, but it was just enough to show he was out of the way.

“Right then.” Another suited man stepped forward, shoving his glasses up his nose. The previous one was already being looked over by the medic. “Next match, Hisoka vs. Jasper!”

He jumped, his hand clenching at the blue cloth caught between his fists. No way. Absolutely not. “I surrender,” he wheezed side-eyeing Hisoka who had sidled even closer to him unexpectedly. The pouting look of disappointment should not be on any adult’s face and it made him push closer to Blondie. The teen in front of him shifted, slowly forcing Jasper to move or let go. Considering he was shifting Jasper further out of view, he followed along willingly.

“Hisoka wins! Next match, Jasper vs. Killua!”

Now that was something he could handle!

With a puff of relief exhaled from his mouth, he skittered his way to the middle of the room. Under heavy scrutiny from so many eyes- some of which he knew were extremely hostile- he was not feeling so well. But this was just Killua and even if he was feeling absolutely awful because of his brother, he wasn’t nearly as bad as Hisoka or Illumi.

Killua stood in front of him shortly and Jasper still couldn’t see his eyes. He pursed his lips, ready to talk to his friend to see if he could get him out of his slump. Honestly, Killua would probably give him the win if he asked but considering what just happened, Jasper wanted to work his way up to asking first.

“Start!”

He jerked back in shock when the boy appeared right in front of him, but he didn’t get very far because-

He could see Killua’s eyes now. They had darkened to deep blue, dull, and fathomless. He looked at Jasper with no recognition and the moment stretched on into eternity.

The look in his eyes-

Empty-

So empty… 

Killua-

Ah. His chest was warm… 

Why?

Jasper finally tore his gaze away from his suffering friend to look down at his chest. A pale wrist stuck out of it, Jasper’s own hands wrapped tightly around it. Red was staining the front of his shirt, ruining the snow white color of Killua’s skin, and warming his belly with the streaks of it.

Red.

So much red.

“Oh.”

He was pretty sure the wrist was supposed to be attached to hand but he couldn’t see it. Which meant-

There were fine tremor’s he could feel now in his fingers. Jasper wasn’t sure if it was his own limbs shaking or Killua’s. He looked back up, on the single tear trail that worked its way down a porcelain cheek. It made the boy look wretched in a doll-like fashion. 

Like watching the sun rise, a light built up in Killua’s eyes; from deep abyss to sparkling sky, Jasper watched the transformation with something close to awe.

And then it was tainted by twisting features.

No. No, no, no. Now he just looked sad-

Jasper tried to reach up, one hand releasing it’s death grip on the boy’s wrist to go up, up, up. His body shifted along with the movement and suddenly the warmth in his chest turned agonizing. His fingers dropped millimeters from Killua’s cheek as he tried to curl around the hand still- still-

“Jas… No- I… I didn’t-” His voice was quiet and pained. “I-I’m not a- I’m not…” He wheezed, the pounding of his heartbeat started to drown out everything. But he could still hear Killua’s pleading voice through the din. “I-I give up! I give up! Please! Nutty! Jasper! Please!”

Did that mean… he won?

Chapter Text

It was only the smallest flicker of nen, something you’d miss if you weren’t specifically looking for it. But Hisoka saw it and it made him purse his lips in annoyance. Illumi must have a needle in the boy’s head because he could not see the child assassin attacking his proclaimed friend like that. And now the rat was going to die and the precious fruit trapped in it’s paws would rot with it.

Perhaps after this exam, he’d finally go after Illumi. If the man was going to get in his way, no matter the twisted fondness he had for him, Hisoka was going to put him in the ground. Such potential… utterly wasted. It was a tragedy of the highest order!

He watched the medic in the room try to stop the bleeding and couldn’t help but hold out a little hope. The other personality had come out before when the first was in danger so there was a small chance that it could happen again. A small chance that was shrinking the further nothing happened.

He glanced at the other ripening fruit, Illumi’s precious younger brother, taking in the empty look in his eyes and the slump of his shoulders. That was another that was potentially ruined all because Illumi couldn’t keep his possessiveness to himself. The option of killing the other was getting more and more tempting.

The Kurta boy was attempting to talk to Killua but there was no reaction; just empty eyes staring at a dying body. Actually… Now that he thought it over a little more, it was a surprise that his little rat wasn’t immediately killed. Under Illumi’s control, that’s exactly what should have happened. Instead it was long and drawn out, wheezy gurgling breaths echoing in the large room. So, did that mean that Killua had fought back subconsciously? Though, the boy didn’t seem aware of nen or the needle in his head, which meant his will was strong. There was only one time he’d ever seen someone fight against Illumi’s nen and that was a one off, someone who had only just had the needle inserted (that man died rather quickly without nen but the will was still there). Killua’s had been there… for goodness knows how long considering the dynamics of the Zoldyck family. 

Before he could ruminate on it further, the white haired assassin himself jerked into motion when the little rat fell silent. Pulling away from the Kurta, he fled out the door blind and deaf to anyone calling out to him. 

Hm.

Gold eyes turned back to the medic. They were frantically using a battery powered defibrillator but it was honestly no use with how much blood he’d started losing after Killua’s fist had left his chest. Even if they were to use nen (which they wouldn’t because Hunter’s were sticklers for secrets apparently) the boy’s rib cage was shattered, his lungs likely punctured, and the hole was a gaping void of viscous fleshy dark red.

But then-

Oohhh! Then-!

That beautiful nen was snapping out, the aura nodes tearing open around the little rat’s head. Blue eyes that had fallen closed snapped open a brilliant green that seemed to swirl along with his nen.

Hisoka’s tongue swiped out against his lips as saliva started pooling in his mouth. He wanted to see! He wanted to know what the precious fruit would do! 

There were shouts of shock from participants and hunters alike but Hisoka was silent. Well, mostly silent, as a quiet moan left him unbidden. The nen was strong, stronger now that the boy was literally on the cusp of death. Just like before, it worked its way down into his neck, then shoulders, then arms and hands.

“Clove,” his fruit gurgled slowly, drawing Hisoka’s attention to the deathly pale face. “I need... help.”

From the floor sprouted two distinct crystalline looking flowers made entirely of nen. And moments later there was a doe made of pure starlight and mist standing directly over the boy’s prone body.

Was it a construct? Something else?

And what exactly was that on his chest? He hadn’t seen it before as the boy’s hands had blocked his view in the tower. But now it was in full view; an ugly black looking mass that was gnawing at where the fruit’s nen stopped abruptly. It spitted and hissed, attacking and retreating in equal measure against the boy’s nen; it could go no further, but neither could his nen. Was it some sort of seal?

Those who could see what was going on, were fascinated just like Hisoka himself. Those who could not, on the other hand, were freaking out. The Kurta had already knelt by the boy’s side, though he was facing away from the Magician and so he could not see the expression upon the teen’s face. Behind him, he could hear the prospective doctor trying to speak but his vocals were too slurred and unintelligible. The rest of the participants varied from teary to grim but he paid them no mind beyond registering them in his peripherals.

The doe had shifted, lowering its head over his face.

“In return,” the doe chimed, voice sounding alike to ringing bells both small and high and deep and loud. “I shall take your ability to taste for one year. Is this agreeable?”

More blood bubbled from his lips as he responded with a ragged, “Yes.”

“Jasper, stop talking. Focus on me, okay? Why aren’t you doing your job,” the Kurta snarled at the other man kneeling there, hands gently stroking through the thick messy locks of the child dying on the cold stone floor.

“There’s nothing I can do,” the medic protested, eyes flickering to the deer and back. He was obviously a nen user of some kind.

The doe, ignoring the byplay of the people around her creator, leaned forward, mouth opening and closing over the boy's own mouth. For a moment, she stood there chewing, and Hisoka blinked at the absurdity. Did she just eat his ability to taste? Did she eat his taste buds? His tongue? And why did he have to sacrifice something in the first place? Was it the severity of the wounds involved? He hadn’t sacrificed anything in the Trick tower… had he?

The doe, Clove she had been called, suddenly teared up and let out an echoing trill of sorrow that sounded nothing like what should be coming from a deer. It was lyrical and haunting, sounding more like a warped birdsong than anything. Hisoka shivered at the cry, his skin breaking out into goosebumps as it rattled all the way down to the marrow of his bones. The absolute power behind it was astounding! To be able to affect him, to almost bring Hisoka to tears-

His pants tightened and he let out a breathy moan. He didn’t know how much of a fighter his beautiful fruit would be… but that power was not one to be underestimated.

Clove bowed her head over the hole in the boy’s chest, the tears dripping in a steady stream. And the flesh started regenerating immediately, bubbling up to fill the unnatural void. The Kurta let out a shocked cry, lurching back but not truly moving away.

It was confirmed. Healing nen. A very strong healing nen. What a magnificent rarity he’d stumbled across! Jasper (or perhaps it was only the second personality whose name he did not yet know, if they even had a name?), wonderful fruit that he was, had to be a specialist to have a Hatsu ability like that. He’d thought perhaps an Manipulator, due to his scatterbrained mind. But he could certainly see the individuality of a Specialist. The charisma might be lacking a little, most likely because of all of his mental issues that popped up all over the exam, but it was still there in little ways. Jasper had attracted Gon to him after all, as well as the rest of their group, and he’d certainly caught Hisoka’s attention in a special way.

The boy coughed again, blood flying in droplets across his chest, but the next breath he took was clear.

And then the nen dissipated into wisps.

Menchi flipped the page in her recipe book. She looked at the scribbles she’d made in the margins and frowned. With the scratch of her pen to accompany the steady beeps filling the room, she crossed out an entire section and rewrote it with a new combination.

Then she leaned back in her chair with a sigh. Updating her works was often tedious which is why she always put it off. But if she was going to publish it like she truly wanted she was going to have to keep on top of it more. Right now- with nothing else to do but sit and wait- was the best time she was ever going to get. Menchi wasn’t a very still person in general so she’d take what she could get.

With a groan of exhaustion she tossed her legs out and threw her arms up, arching her back to get the best stretch she possibly could in this chair. As comfortable as it was, sitting in it for a few hours was still enough to make anyone feel tense. And she’d been here for way more than just a few hours.

Two days of in and out traffic and the kid still made no moves towards actually getting his scrawny ass out of bed. The only good thing about him not waking up was being able to monitor his nutrition levels and come up with a plan for it while she wasn’t distracted. She glanced back down at her book with a small frown.

Not as easy as one would think.

Trying not to cause medical problems while still trying to keep the food tasty and rich was a chore. She wasn’t a licensed dietician so she was only working off of what she knew from her years as a Gourmet Hunter (which was actually quite a bit if she actually dug into it). And then there was the fact that this might not even be needed because he wouldn’t be able to taste anything . Which was horrifying in and of itself. The Chairman seemed absolutely delighted by watching the kid’s nen in action and had already called an exorcist to see if that black nen was suppressing him but Menchi was still on the fence about it. The kid had nen, and a Hatsu? Great. His Hatsu had utterly screwed any plans she had made to take him on as an apprentice? Not so great.

And then there were all the Hunter's that had a form of healing nen clambering to come visit and swipe him. There weren’t many of them in total but even one was enough to set off her temper. She’d already staked a claim, dammit! But apparently the kid was unconscious and hadn’t agreed to anything of the sort. She never imagined she’d have to guard a potential apprentice from slavering Hunters.

So, here she was waiting for him to wake up and let her know if she needed to wait…. again. Back to the not so great at sitting still. Her recipe book had more corrections stuffed into it in the last two days than in the last year combined. She had decided after the Second Phase of the exam that she was going to add a section specifically for those recovering from malnourishment… and another for weight loss… and another for light and/or liquid diets… and well, her ideas just kept expanding. 

Maybe she should have more than one book?

The quiet sound of the doorknob clicking had her turn her head up. Ah. The impressively (stupidly) stubborn green child again. He’d shown up yesterday after the briefing when Menchi was on her way out for a dinner break. There hadn't been much beyond a passing greeting then. And behind him came the Sushi Failure number 1 and 2. Actually she was surprised that Failure 1 was up and moving around. The paralytic the archer boy had used was nasty and even trying to flush it had still left the man in a wheelchair. To see him out of it now was surprising, at least until she took in his quivering limbs. Considering she was in the only chair in the room (specifically to ward away apprentice poachers) he ended up leaning onto the blonde companion of his with a tired huff.

“Oh, hello Miss Menchi,” the kid greeted cheerfully. 

“Kid,” she returned. “I suppose you’re all comin’ to visit him? He hasn’t woken up at all yet.”

Failure 2 nodded at her even as Number 1 nudged the blonde and pointed to the clipboard attached to the end of the bed.

“That’s okay! I can just sit and talk to him. Kurapika wanted to see him too and Leorio is looking to be a doctor so he wants to know what’s going on!”

She shrugged and leaned back in the chair, gesturing with one hand towards the still form in the bed. The green kid happily plopped himself down at the edge of the bed, being careful of all the wires and tubes, and started chattering. Menchi was more interested in the older boys though. She watched the emotions pass over Failure 1's face as he flipped quietly through the papers. She watched Failure 2 with his riveted gaze stuck on the boy’s on the bed, the small wrinkle in his brow paired with a frown being the only give away to his thoughts.

Then she sighed. Blondie was up front and center during the whole nen explosion. He watched the entire thing start to finish and was bound to have questions. And the other guy… Well, if he was looking to be a doctor then she was sure there was something in those papers that would be suspicious. Menchi could just leave them confused but…

Her gaze drifted to the boys again.

Rules were made to be skirted.

She pushed herself up with a groan, catching the attention of everyone (currently awake) in the room. Taking a moment to shake her legs out and stretch again- and she was not blind to the heavy eyes of Failure 1. Ugh, men- she padded over and gestured to the two of them to follow. 

“I have to talk to these guys, kid. You just focus on your friend and we’ll be right back,” she said to the tiny brunette. Amber eyes watched her expressionlessly for a moment before he nodded with a smile. Weird as that was, Menchi decided to ignore it.

The light oak door closed behind the three of them with a click. Menchi sighed again, taking a moment to admire the golden bright hallways. It gave her enough time to gather her thoughts and think about how she wanted to phrase this. With a sharp click of her heel, she turned to face them taking in their positions leaning against the doorway. Failure 2 was still supporting his taller friend though they were both leaning against the wall. Number 1 was more in the doorway and his legs were trembling even more than before but he said nothing. Better she let the man have his pride as she didn’t really care to correct him.

“Alright, listen up. Technically, I’m not even supposed to be saying any of this but you,” her nicely shaped nail pointed at Failure 2, “saw something fantastical, right? Something that couldn’t be explained?”

His lips pursed further but he nodded, keeping quiet for now. Her eyes turned to Failure 1, taking in the new pale cast to his skin. “And I’m assuming you,” her finger followed her eyes, “have read something that can’t be explained.”

The tall brunette nodded as well.

“Right then.” Menchi cocked her hip, settling one hand on it as the other came up to gesture along with her words. “There exists in this world power beyond the commonly known. Most people cannot and will never access it. To be considered a full Hunter… you must do so. Think of it like a secret second exam. Now we aren’t allowed to tell anyone what it is unless we take them on as an apprentice and honestly, the only one I want is the kid that’s sleeping the days away. So, you get zilch from me beyond what I’m saying here, got it?” 

Her face was stern and unyielding until they both nodded at her again. “Good. That kid. He already has it. It’s how he… miraculously recovered from such a grievous wound. Great for him, he already passed the second exam. Unfortunately, as you can see,” she gestured at the clipboard held in the older man’s shaking fingers, “he’s got lots of problems. So I, the great woman that I am, am going to take him on as an apprentice. I heard from Buhara you’re going after that white haired brat so…” Her voice softened, “I guess I want to let you know you’ll be leaving him in good hands.”

There was a loud thump from inside the room, making them all jump. The door flung open and the tiny brunette shoved himself out, almost toppling the taller of his two friends. Staring straight at Menchi with burning eyes, he declared, “No way! We’re not leaving Jasper!”

She stared for a moment before the exasperation settled in. With a groan, she tossed her head back so she could pinch the bridge of her nose to stave off a headache. “Kid, I literally pulled them out here for privacy.”

“I wasn’t listening purposefully,” he protested, waving his still bandaged arm caught in its sling. “You were just loud!”

“Gon, we don’t even know when he’s going to wake up.”

The kid wheeled around, his face still absolutely determined even when staring at his blonde friend. “Then we’ll wait! Killua would understand!”

“Gon…” This time it was the other brunette speaking. “He’s… Jas is not… not healthy. He’s malnourished, his lungs almost collapsed, and… and his body went through… heavy trauma. He could… be sleeping for months.”

“He won’t!”

Jeez, this kid was stubborn. This was starting to sound just like the match from two days ago. “Look, kid. You wanna help your friends. That’s admirable. But this one- Jasper? He doesn’t even know you’re here. He’s so heavily medicated I’d be surprised if he woke up on his own. Why don’t you go help the one that’s awake?”

Because damn, did she feel pity for the annoying brat after watching him practically shut down. It had been debated for a while before the debriefing if there was any persuasion or hypnosis going on but there was literally nothing that could be proved. Menchi was all for the theory that manipulation had been involved, but again, no proof. Without it, they couldn’t do anything.

“No way! I made a promise to Jasper so I’m not leaving him alone. He’ll wake up and we’ll both go get Killua together! Besides… I think it’s better if Killua sees Jas for himself.”

“You are one stubborn little shi-”

“You should come with us, Miss Menchi!”

She blinked at the enthusiastic interruption, amber eyes staring straight into her soul again. There was something dangerous about actually speaking with this kid. The purity of emotions was attractive in a way and it made Menchi want to whack him in the head just to get him to stop. It was nothing like this before when she had to judge his terrible food!

Failure 2, behind the kid, looked a little poleaxed and he hesitantly asked, “Gon, are you sure?”

“Miss Menchi is nice! And she wants to help Jas. If her coming with us gets Jas out of here faster, I don’t see why not.” His head bobbed along as if he was agreeing with himself and the sincerity in his voice was compelling.

But- “Me going with you has no bearing on when he’s going with you. He’ll wake up when the doctors are happy with his physical state. Like I said, he’s drugged to the gills.”

The kid, Gon, smiled brightly when he answered. “That’s okay! Jasper will definitely wake up soon!”

Menchi just shook her head and sighed. What a stubborn kid.

Gon shifted again, plucking at the blanket between his fingers. “Hey, Leorio, what does malnourished mean?”

He glanced over at his friend curiously. The older teen was currently occupying the squishy blue chair Miss Menchi had sat in before she left to grab them all dinner. Kurapika was leaning against the back of the chair flipping through the papers that Leorio had looked at earlier. The sun shining in the window was making a halo around his head that was really pretty to look at. 

Leorio opened his eyes, blinking tiredly before his gaze actually focused. The teenager had been harshly affected by the paralytic that Pokkle had used and Gon was rather happy with how determined Leorio was to beat it. The man he’d seen take a hit in the tall grass didn’t fare nearly as well. Still, he was tired after pushing himself today by forgoing the wheelchair. “Malnourished… Means he didn’t eat a lot. With his level of-… he hasn’t eaten a lot in years. His body is suffering from a lack of food.”

His stomach flipped unpleasantly and Gon couldn’t stop his mouth from dropping open in horror. To go without eating for years!?

He turned back to the boy on the bed with a wobbly lip. He knew Jasper had been alone, he knew the boy had been taking care of himself somehow… but he hadn’t known that he… that he hadn’t been taking care of himself. Just the thought of skipping a day of eating for any reason wasn’t something he wanted to think of. And now that he was looking… Jasper had always been thin. He’d noticed first with his pale wrists, how the bone jutted out sharply. Then when he and Killua had first gotten to see his face- his injured face- it had looked stretched tight to his cheekbones. He’d noted it… and thought that was just how the boy looked.

Gon hadn’t really ever seen… someone who had… starved for a prolonged period of years. Whale Island was a fishing Island with plenty of resources so he’d never gone hungry before.

Surrounded by a heavy blanket with tubes and wires coming off him- even a large one going down his throat and smaller ones going into his nose- Jas looked even smaller.

Gon clenched his fist into the blanket. Well, now he definitely wasn’t going to leave Jas alone and no one would be able to convince him otherwise. Miss Menchi was apparently trying to take Jas under her wing (probably to feed him because she was a food Hunter) and Gon would assist her happily. Actually… Now that he thought about it, hadn’t Kurapika and Leorio been helping him to eat too?

He glanced over at them again, noting that they were both watching him. “Did you guys know he was hungry before?”

Leorio huffed as his brow furrowed but Kurapika’s fingers on his shoulder stopped him from saying anything. Instead, the blonde answered, “Yes and no. Once you know what to look for, it’s easy to see signs of starvation. Unfortunately, with Jasper he was covered and it was hard to tell until the second task.”

“So,” he closed his eyes and thought over Kurapika’s answer. “You did know?”

The teenager sighed but confirmed it.

“Then why didn’t you tell me!”

His chest felt tight with frustration and shame and his face was starting to get hot. He could have been doing more this whole time!

“Gon…” He pursed his lips staring at the folds of fabric wrinkling in his fist. “It’s… not easy to handle children like Jasper. He likes you… which makes it easier… for you. You also… weren’t trying… to take care of him like we… were. He doesn’t want to be… cared for.” Leorio hesitated a moment before continuing, “He wants a friend.”

“But I can be his friend and help him too,” he shouted, hunching forward until his forehead tapped against Jasper’s blanket-covered knee.

“There’s a difference between helping and caring for someone, Gon,” Kurapika reprimanded him gently. 

He grunted, shoving himself further into the blanket. “How do I tell the difference,” he mumbled into the soft cotton threads.

“We can help,” the blonde said soothingly, humming a bit before continuing, “But Gon… Menchi was right. Jasper may not wake up soon. What will you do if he continues to sleep?”

“He won’t.”

“Gon…”

“He won’t.”

Chapter Text

It swirled about the air depicting patterns that were there one moment, gone the next, slithering through shards of light to change its shape. A line of children danced before being swallowed by a sparkling sun. It dipped into the ocean and grew black skittering legs that washed away into the next scene and the next and the next. All of it was mesmerizing- comforting. It eddied and swirled about his head, teasing and caressing from instant to eternity. He followed it with a delighted giggle, his hands running through the warmth and light. It made him glow bright enough to see more depictions in the dazzling mist. Fracturing light glinting off of thousands of stained shards.

And a shadow.

It was out of place, a flash of darkness interrupting the dancing figures in the smoke.

Instantly he was intrigued, stepping closer. But the figure remained equidistant. No matter how much he tried to walk, run, sprint-

He let out a ragged breath only to suck in gales of smoky mist, it clogged his lungs until he was gasping for breath-

And it was dark. Shadows upon shadows each darker than the next, only his own glow keeping him from falling. He screamed and screamed, clawing at the air desperate to get back-

Why do you always have to fight? 

He wanted out-

You’re the one that asked for help!

He needed out-

He was always able to get out before-

You’re only hurting us! Stop it!

He could do it. He wouldn’t stay trapped in this gloom where shadows tore painfully at his being, not when he had so much to do!

He had so much- 

He needed to find-

The smoke! The smoke that he can never hold! He needed it! It made him glow with light, with power and here- 

Please stop… 

He screamed louder louder LOUDER

The shadows fled under the weight of his voice but he was left dizzy, disoriented. He ached and throbbed and panted. Then he shivered as the light mist slowly came back in, the colors drained, the pictures flat and blurry. The glittering shards drew further from him and he wept from exhaustion and frustration.

Unable to move, he was lost adrift in the gray smoke, pining for before, though he couldn’t picture how it had looked then. With a mournful sob he curled closer to himself, terrified and full of rage and sorrow in equal measure. 

What was he missing?

…

…

…

He was alone.

Clawing for the smoke that slipped through his fingers, muted and lifeless, pooling around his form and obscuring his view. Though, there was nothing to view.

He sighed, his breath fanning through the smoke like a tidal wave.

Something snapped.

Shackles fell from his wrists and he stared in astonishment. Since when had they been there? Has it always been this way?

The smoke turned brilliant gold, shifting around him gently at first before turning into a maelstrom that tossed his hair and made him laugh in glee. This was what he had missed! Slowly he lifted from his curled position, body straightening and standing, his arms thrown wide in exaltation. Glittering shapes and figures danced across his vision but he ignored them, reveling instead in the feeling of the warmth and the glow of light that suffused his body. His eyes fluttered open and-

There was a small shadow blinking in and out of view, briefly swallowed in his celebrating mist.

It looked achingly familiar and overcome with curiosity, he stepped towards it.

It did not move.

His stomach fluttered and his chest burst with excitement. Another step and it did not move. Though the shadow seemed familiar he knew that this was not how this normally went. This was different, new!

Delighted, he sprinted forward until he burst through his own swirling mist and barreled straight through the shadow. Immediately it was dark and his breath stuttered for a moment almost as if he was expecting suffocation. Nothing happened beyond his own startled panting, so he took a moment to calm himself before looking around.

His heart fluttered in false fear but as he looked around gazing upon the small twinkling lights scattered around the darkness, it calmed slowly. He glanced behind him, catching sight of his brilliant mist still swirling, but it was small now, looking like a hole that he could walk through to go into the light. Compared to this place… it was so different but no less warm. Though dark, it felt more like a blanket hugging tight to his shoulders instead of suffocation and pain. He did not know why he’d been expecting it to be such a horrible place, nor why he’d even approached initially. It had felt almost like a compulsion, a need to know.

He glanced at the glittering lights, noting that the closest ones to him looked like the shards from his own mist. But when he reached for them, they shied away dancing out from under his fingertips. He blinked in amusement, reaching again-

“You shouldn’t be here.”

He started and a shard he’d been inching towards fluttered away vanishing into the inky blackness of the furthest shadows. With a surprised exhale on his lips he turned to face the speaker. There had never been anyone with him before and he had to see-

There was a person… or better to say there was a person shape. He couldn’t make out much from the shadows draping across their form like a wavering cloak of darkness.

“Who are you?” he questioned in excitement, overwhelmed that there was someone else here.

“You shouldn't be here,” the figure repeated quietly. “Go back and wake up. Leave me to fade.”

He frowned, his face scrunching at the response. What did the figure mean by fade? Why would he want to leave?

“But I just got here and it’s so pretty! I don’t want to leave yet and you haven’t even told me your name!”

There was a quiet sigh. “I don’t need to tell you my name. This is my space and I’d like you to leave.”

“But I don’t even know your name yet!”

The shadows around the figure fluttered and sharpened briefly as the person let out an aggrieved huff. “Why are you always so bloody stubborn? Just- Go away. Leave so I can finally sleep.”

“But-” He cut himself off when the shadows flared again. He could almost hear them hissing threateningly, which was very strange. Still, he didn’t want to so easily give in. There had never been another here that he knew of… No. No, that wasn’t quite right.

He glanced around the darkness, taking in the different shades and the sparkling lights. It felt warm to be here just as it did in his own mist. The warmth was familiar and comforting, something he’d felt before if only in a different form. His eyes turned back to the figure before him as they shifted, turning in place. It looked like they were leaving-

“Ah! Wait! I’ll see you again, right? I can come back later when you wake up?”

“No.”

It was like ice was poured directly down his spine as all his muscles stiffened. There was something in the way the person said that with such finality that made his entire body freeze in place. The warmth of this place suddenly seemed distant and crumbling- unattainable forevermore. He sucked in a deep breath, refusing to even contemplate being alone again.

Before he even realized what he was doing, he had darted forward, arms wrapping around the other person’s waist. They came to a standstill, both frozen in shock.

“What are you doing! Let go!”

The shadows slapped harshly against him both hot and cold nipping at his skin, but he refused. “I won’t. You aren’t just going to sleep! I won’t let you go!”

“Won’t let me?” The figure sounded incredulous and angry. “After everything I've done for you, you demand more!?”

Everything that had been done for him?

Oh.

He knew who this was.

How could he have ever forgotten?

“Please don’t leave me alone, Harry!”

Abruptly the shadows around them shattered, scattering like whimpering dogs and his face was pressed into the back of an actual person. The heat radiated between them soothingly as they stood there. Perhaps time passed quickly or slowly but he did not care, for wrapped in his arms was his savior, the one person who had come when he’d called for help. He could not remember why he had called nor when it had happened, but he did remember the desperation, the bone chilling terror, and the weakness in his limbs as he was truly cut away from his mist.

“What have you done?”

Harry sounded so grieved that tears immediately sprang from his eyes, rolling down his cheek and into the other’s back. All Jasper could answer was, “Please don’t leave me.” 

All at once, Harry slumped forward, his knees giving out bringing both of them crashing down. He clutched tighter, refusing to lose hold of the teen even as he sprawled over his back. Harry had earlier said fade, instead of sleep. It hadn’t truly processed what the teenager might mean by that until he’d almost left. It made him shudder in sorrow and fear for what he might have lost if he hadn’t been so impulsive. If he hadn’t followed his curiosity…

How soon would Harry have locked himself away, forever barring him from this beautiful expanse of comforting darkness? How quickly might he have lost an intrinsic part of himself, never to know why he was wondering what he was missing?

“Don’t go. Don’t go. Don’t go. Don’t go.” The litany of words fell from his mouth with an almost fervent desperation. 

He was terrified of being alone.

“You don’t need me anymore,” Harry whispered. He sounded dull and weak, as if all the fight had fled his body when he collapsed.

“I do! I do! I always will! Don’t go! Don’t leave me,” he cried.

How could Harry not understand? 

“I just want to sleep…”

“No! You want to disappear! I won’t let you!”

“Jasper…”

He sucked in a sharp breath, feeling as if he’d been knocked upside the head with a bludgeon. That was his name. 

His name was Jasper.

It had always been Jasper. Why didn’t he know that? Why didn’t he care to know that here?

Once again… he was saved by Harry. Whether the teen did it unknowingly or not didn’t matter. Jasper could not live without Harry. That was knowledge that could not be refuted, something he knew in a primal part of himself. 

He shifted, releasing the constricting arms he had wrapped around Harry (while making sure his fingers still clutched tightly to one of the teen’s arms), and shoved the boy over. There was no fight, Harry rolled like a limp doll until he was splayed on his back. Green eyes, swirling like his golden mist, stared dully into nothing. He would not even look at Jasper.

Jasper did not care as he crawled on top of the other, curling atop the teen’s chest as tightly as he could. They laid there, neither moving for an undetermined amount of time. Eventually though, Harry spoke. It was quiet and if he had not been so close to the other’s face, he might not have heard it. “Will you truly not let me fade? Give me peace?”

Jasper shuddered. “I need you. Please. I’m… scared.”

Harry sighed, the sound already common enough that Jasper found it comforting in it’s own way. “But what will you truly think when you wake up?”

He frowned in confusion, turning his face so his ear settled over a steady heartbeat. “I don’t understand.”

“Of course you don’t. We’ve never been this close before. Things will be different now. By not releasing me-” There was a long pause and Jasper focused on the heartbeat beneath him, pondering on what Harry was trying to say. “There won’t be a barrier anymore.”

“Then you’ll always be with me?”

“... Yes.”

There was something dark and sad hiding behind that word but Jasper did not care.

He would never be alone again.

“He’s waking up? Are you absolutely sure?”

Of course this had to happen when it was just him. Gon was going to be upset that the moment the Gourmet Hunter had dragged him away to eat something, Jasper was going to wake. Menchi would be upset, too, that it would be happening while she wasn’t here and one of the doctor’s with the strange power she had spoken of was still here. That woman was brash and had practically threatened him to keep her potential apprentice safe from greedy doctor’s hands. And then there was Leorio who felt immensely guilty for not being able to help even though he’d been literally paralyzed during the final phase and was only now able to walk around for long periods without help. That man had left with heavy eyes and shoulders and there wasn’t much Kurapika could do to help him. If he didn’t want the Kurta’s help then he’d have to deal with the problem on his own.

Kurapika sighed as the fluttering Doctor gave a noise of assent. She was rather focused on getting the feeding tube out of his throat before Jasper woke up and freaked out.

“Wasn’t he supposed to be sedated?”

The woman threw him a glare for bothering her… again. It didn’t really intimidate him and he kept his eyes locked with hers. Finally she turned back to her work with a huff. “Menchi told you, illegally I might add, about nen, yes?”

Nen? He supposed that was the power Menchi had spoken about. He would not disabuse the doctor from saying more however, (though he was curious how she knew he’d been told) so he gave a soft hum. Free information was useful. It had been surprising and irritating to learn there was a second secret exam and he still wouldn’t be able to do as he needed for his clan without finding a Hunter mentor. Kurapika was sure he could eventually work out what he needed by observation (especially with so many of them around right now) but he wasn’t that prideful or stupid. The sooner he could avenge his clan the better.

She huffed irritably again. “We had an exorcist come in last night, clearing up whatever was clinging to him. Ever since, his nen has been fighting against any drug we put into his body. I’ve never seen anything like it,” she said in amazement. 

Then she gave one soft tug and the rest of the tube slipped from the small boy’s mouth. His lips were slightly swollen and red from the tugging and it made the nearly invisible scars on the sides of his mouth stand out more, a stark white. Just thinking about how he could have gotten those made Kurapika’s insides squirm with discomfort. They were too symmetrical to be from an accident.

“Alright, I’m going to grab him some ice chips. His eyes are already flickering so if you see them start to open, talk to him. It should draw him back to consciousness easier if he has something to focus on.”

Kurapika nodded at her, keeping his silence as she bustled around and then out the door. Immediately he dragged the large blue chair over to the bed and sat in it, eager to see Jasper alive after the horrific scene from the tournament. He was no stranger to gore- having witnessed the gouged eyes of his many clansmen- but that did not mean he liked seeing it. A giant hole in a child’s chest was never going to be a pretty picture and the fact that it was on someone that he knew made it worse. Kurapika may not feel particularly close to the boy but that didn’t mean he had ever wanted to see… that . 

But even above all of that… he remembered the green. When he had thought Jasper dead, his eyes had opened, a brilliant glowing emerald that seemed to swirl as if they held entire storms within them. At the time he had been so startled, he’d lost track of what had happened until the boy had started gurgling and speaking. Then watching the hole close-

Kurapika shuddered. Not pretty. He focused his attention on Jasper’s still form, watching his eyes flick rapidly beneath their lids. He wondered, when they opened, if they would be that strange ethereal green again? Or would they be the glittering oceans he’d gotten used to after first seeing the boy?

For that matter, why did Jasper’s eyes change color? He’d never heard of another tribe that had eyes like his. Because they may not be scarlet but the swirling emerald was just as pretty and marketable.

He paused at the thought.

Surely not?

Jasper had been separated from his family and remembered nothing after that time. Leorio had told him that memory loss of his specific time was trauma induced, possibly from a brain injury… or even from a mental breakdown. If Jasper had lost his family the same way Kurapika had…?

He pursed his lips and shook the thought from his head. Those thoughts could be dwelled on another time when he didn’t have a little boy waking from a medically induced coma in front of him. A flicker of white and green caught his attention and he sucked in a slow careful breath.

“Jasper? Can you hear me?”

“Mmgghmm.” A response was a very good sign, wasn’t it?

“Don’t try to speak yet, okay? Can you open your eyes instead?”

His lids flickered more until they pried open then slammed shut, squinting against the bright light.

“Ah. Sorry, let me help.” He pushed up out of the chair and flicked the lights off. It was a little past sunset so there was still plenty of light to see by, especially for someone who was sensitive. Kurapika padded back over to the chair to watch the child slowly squint his eyes open, glancing around the room. When they landed on him, he caught the full colors of both eyes and let out a surprised huff from his nose. 

One blue eye and one green.

They looked normal, no glowing to be found, but the left eye was now a strangely bright grass green with specks of darker green surrounding the pupil. 

Was it the nen? Whatever power Jasper had used had called upon the eyes and now that he had been ‘cleansed’ one of them was permanently stained? He desperately wanted answers now but he couldn’t ask. It wasn’t the right time. Jasper wasn’t coherent, he could tell by the eyes that would wander quickly enough to be a flicker before settling back onto Kurapika himself. Whatever answers the boy gave right now could not be trusted to hold the truth that he needed.

“Do you know who I am, Jasper? You don’t have to speak, just nod yes or no.” There was no real reaction except his lips forming around letters that had no sound behind them. “That’s alright. My name is Kurapika. You were hurt and now you’re being taken care of by some doctors.”

His lips kept moving and his eyes flickering this way and that, always coming back to Kurapika. He wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not but before he could say more Dr. Vitas wandered back into the room with a cup in one hand and a bag of clear fluids tucked under the other. Jasper immediately turned to her, his head following the movements of his eyes.

“Oh, that’s a good sign,” the doctor hummed. “Have you talked to him yet?”

“Of course. He doesn’t react like he hears the question.” He was slightly offended that she would think that he wouldn’t follow her instructions.

“Hm. Probably still under the hold of the drugs then. Not coherent.” After setting the bag and cup on the side table, she picked up the clipboard at the end of the bed and scribbled something on it. “We’ll see if another bag of saline helps him to flush it the rest of the way. Some of the others think it best to keep him under but at this point there’s nothing physically wrong with him and we’ll never see his mental state if he doesn’t get up. Besides, we’d be dosing him near lethally just to keep him down at this point,” she muttered.

He watched her putter about fixing everything into place. Jasper seemed to switch his attention between them, mostly following Dr. Vitas because she was moving around. It was mildly disconcerting to see someone actually drugged out of his mind. But considering the boy was even awake in the first place spoke well for his recovery time. Gon wasn’t wrong that he would wake up quickly. Kurapika still wasn’t sure if that was another one of Gon’s strange instincts or if the green clad child just full heartedly- naively- believed in his friend. He wasn’t sure which option he wanted to believe either.

He leaned back in his chair and pondered over the tickets they’d need to get now. Gon had gotten the Zoldyck family mansion location from Illumi during the briefing so he knew where they’d need to go. It was a three day travel to Kukuroo Mountain in the nation of Padokea. If they left tomorrow, by the time they got to Killua it would have been seven days since they’d seen the boy. Who knows what could have been done to the boy at that time. Not to mention that was a whole week that Killua would have thought he had killed his own friend. There was no telling what his mental state would be, especially if his family would prey upon it like his older brother did.

And this was all assuming Jasper would be in the right state to travel by tomorrow…

“Well, this is all I can do for now. I’ll come back in a little bit to check on his state. Feed him the chips if you want, especially if he starts trying to talk.” Then the doctor was gone and Kurapika was staring at the door with a little bit of enmity. He wasn’t very fond of that doctor. She almost seemed to be pushing Jasper to wakefulness and then she didn’t even try to stay to take care of him.

With a huff of air through his nose, he stood and walked around the bed to snatch the cup of ice chips, then settled himself on the side of the bed. Jasper’s twitching pupils focused on him, the pupils dilating as he leaned forward. “Jasper? Are you thirsty? I have some ice chips here.”

Nothing again.

What exactly should he do? He didn’t want the boy to choke…

He picked up an ice chip and rubbed it between his fingers. It melted rather quickly, starting to drip back into the cup. He glanced at Jasper then at the ice chip before deciding on his course of action.

He rubbed the ice gently against the boy’s lower lip, making sure the water would drip into his mouth. That got more of a reaction than anything else. Jasper startled, pupils shrinking, lips opening further as his tongue swiped out. There was a little squeak and Kurapika felt a small hand thump into his thigh.

“Liked that, did you?”

The next thirty or so minutes was spent slowly feeding Jasper ice chips while Kurapika talked to him about nothing of importance. He was so absorbed in his task that he actually jumped when Gon entered the room with a delighted squeal. And that was when Jasper spoke a fully intelligible word. It was whispered, scratchy and strained, but it was understandable which meant a lot compared to before.

“Green.”

“Jas,” Gon cried in unbridled happiness. He zoomed to the side of the bed, Menchi rolling her eyes from the doorway, and plopped himself in front of Kurapika, right next to Jasper’s upper arm. “You’re awake! I told everyone you would be!”

Kurapika definitely noticed the boy’s eyes still somewhat flickering but there was a smile growing on his face and he was actually trying to move his arms. That was amazing progress compared to before. It was rather heartening to watch actually. Slipping off the bed, Kurapika couldn’t help but smile at the sight of them. They looked so pure that-

That it hurt.

His mind snagged on the green of one eye, his earlier thoughts rushing back. He wondered if Jasper went through any other changes as well. What was the boy going to look like- act like- now that his power- nen- had been fully unlocked? Was he going to be recognizable to flesh hunters? Should he share his thoughts with anyone else?

It was possible that he was completely off mark but…

Kurapika knew first hand how disgusting the world could be and with something as unique as Jasper’s eyes-

“Hey.” He blinked and glanced at Menchi. “You got lost in your head, kid. That happen often?”

He saw no reason to lie. “Sometimes.”

“Well, don’t go losing your head or anything while you’re stuck in it.” She sniffed and turned her attention back to the boys. Gon was jabbering away, responding to Jasper’s minute shifts and groans as if they were having a full on conversation. Strange. “Gag worthy, aren’t they? Guess I’ll be seeing more of it in the coming days.”

He turned back to her in surprise. “You’ve decided to come with us?”

“I’m not exactly looking forward to poking the Zoldycks but I did swear to myself I’d look after the kid. Where he goes, I go. At least until he’s healthier.”

Perhaps he’d have his chance to poke for more information on nen then. Despite being brash, Menchi was passionate about her craft and was bound to know a lot of useful information. “Welcome to the party,” he responded dryly. “It gets stranger every day.”

She snorted.

Chapter Text

Oh, are you awake now?

Jasper froze in the process of carefully rubbing his eye. He swept his gaze across the room again. Nothing had changed from when he first awoke. A small boy dressed in green shorts and a green jacket was curled up at the bottom of the bed he was tucked into, a woman with revealing clothes and blue hair was sprawled in an uncomfortable looking position in a blue chair. The walls were an off-white, easily reflecting the moonlight from outside and helping view everything else.

The bed he was in was large, the blankets soft, and the wires attached to his person hurt when he tugged on them. It had been a moment of frozen panic, his heart rabbiting in his ears and reflected by an increase in loud beeps, before he’d noticed no one had been aware he was awake as they were unconscious. The only two occupants of the room didn’t feel dangerous and it was enough for him to calm and try to take in everything else. And then-

Yes. You heard me. Do you know who I am?

He shivered. No one was awake but him so who-? His heart rate kicked up again, the annoying beeping machine besides his bed matching it.

I’ll take that as a no. Because, of course not. Why would it ever be easy?

“Jasper?” The green kid had shifted, untucking his face from his arms, peering at him curiously with dark bleary eyes. “Are you ok?”

The boy knew his name. He knew his name and used it as if they were close. Were they close? He tried grasping at something- anything- but there was nothing. Who was the boy? The woman? Why was he here attached to these wires and strange machines?

“Hey. You don’t have to be scared. I can answer any questions you have.”

He swallowed harshly, grimacing at the burn that followed. Trying to speak only elicited a painful gurgling sound followed by a coughing fit. A few moments later, a cup of water was pushed into his hands and he gratefully took it. It helped immensely in pushing out his next words. “Who are you?” Unfortunately that was all he could get out before his throat felt like it swelled shut. He sipped the water furiously trying to relieve the feeling.

Controlling his breathing and sipping the water eventually did the trick. The boy in front of him was now sitting cross-legged waiting patiently. When he noticed Jasper looking, a bright grin grew on his lips and Jasper blinked at it. It seemed vaguely familiar and comforting. 

How disconcerting.

“Are you feeling better now?”

“... Yea.”

“Awesome! My name is Gon and we’re friends!”

And Gon proceeded to sit there and regale him with a very long adventurous story about how they met at the Hunter Exams and how they ended up here.

“So… what put me in the.. Um, hospital?” His eyes flickered around the room trying to take it in again. He’d never seen a hospital but he vaguely remembered they were supposed to be places of healing? Where did he even remember that from?

For the first time since he’d awoken Gon’s countenance drooped into something less bright, something that edged upon grim. The bright amber eyes shadowed over into muddy brown and his shoulder slumped as his lips tugged downwards into a small frown. It made Jasper swallow nervously. Seeing someone so bright suddenly droop like this was… he wanted to call it sad but it came across as more frightening. Like there was a dark presence shrouding the normal sunshine.

It’s called anger.

Jasper yipped in surprise, jumping on the spot as he swiveled his head around. Once again, there was no one else around. Gon blinked at him, suddenly more himself again as he cocked his head in confusion. 

“Jas?”

“You… You didn’t hear that?”

Of course he didn’t. I’m in your head, genius.

“No?”

In his head?

Yup.

Why did he have someone in his head!?

Oh, here comes the hysterics. Lovely.

“Jas?”

“Gon… Gon there’s a voice talking to me,” he whispered quietly. His eyes were wide and his hands trembled in his lap as he sat stock still. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to try to flee or not. Considering it was in his head, would that even be possible? How does one run from one’s own head?

His self-proclaimed friend blinked at him and cocked his head in the other direction with pursed lips. “Is it being mean?”

Jasper shook his head then paused and squinted a bit. It hadn’t been mean per se but-

“Then what is it saying?”

“That it’s a voice in my head?”

You’re so descriptive, kid.

“Shut up!” He jerked at the loudness of his own voice ringing across the room. Gon was watching him with large curious eyes and the woman was still thankfully asleep. Wait… was her breathing different? Was he seeing things?

“Jas…”

A warm calloused hand settled on top of his own and he turned his attention back to the other boy. There was no judgement there, no hostility. It made his chest ease, his muscles relaxing enough that he actually slumped forward, his forehead thwacking into Gon’s shoulder. “Is this normal for me, Gon?”

 “I don’t think so.”

I told you before that there’d be no barrier. It’s your fault I’m here.

He let out a hysterical giggle. “Now, he’s saying it’s my fault he’s in my head.”

Gon shifted forward enough so he’d be able to support Jasper’s weight better, slipping muscled arms around his shoulder blades. Jasper burrowed into the sudden warmth only just now realizing that he’d been cold.

“Does he say why he’s your head?”

“Well no…”

“You could ask him!”

Right. Ask the random voice that’s in his head why he’s there. 

Why not? Wouldn’t hurt, would it?

Sure. Why are you in my head, random voice?

Because you asked me to be. 

“That wasn’t helpful at all,” he muttered petulantly. Gon laughing turned into pleasant vibrations  throughout the other boy’s body and he relished the contact. There was just something inherently safe about Gon and being this close to him was extremely pleasant and relaxing.

“Have you asked him his name yet?”

“No. Should I?”

Another laugh. “Aunt Mito says introducing yourself and asking someone’s name is polite.”

Your friend is right. It is polite, Jasper. And my name is Harry.

He jolted, not just at the fact that Harry was reacting to Gon, meaning he could hear him, but also at the fact that he knew that name! He knew Harry! He didn’t know how, but there was a soul deep feeling that he knew the voice, that the voice had been around for a while. He couldn’t remember anything but just hearing the name felt like slotting a missing piece into 

“I know you,” he whispered reverently. “I know you.”

You do.

There was something lighter in the voice now. Jasper could probably call it relief but that didn’t seem quite accurate. Unfortunately, he didn’t have another word for it, so relief it was. That relief took away much of the bite that had been in Harry’s previous words.

“You know the voice,” Gon asked, interrupting Jasper’s train of thought.

With excitement filling his limbs, he pushed himself away from Gon just enough that he could see the boy’s face. With noses almost touching Jasper started speaking with a happy grin on his face. “I do know him! Harry has always been with me!” He leaned forward to knock their foreheads together gleefully before pulling back with a laugh. “Gon- Gon I feel like I’m whole again!”

Gon, having taken everything in stride, started laughing as well. “That’s amazing, Jas! Hello, Harry. I’m Gon!”

I know, Harry responded dryly. He’s a weird one but he’s good for you Jasper, so give him my thanks.

Jasper immediately flushed in embarrassment. He was really glad Harry was in his head because Gon didn’t need to hear that!

Are you sure? That would probably make your friend really happy. And if you don’t want to tell him, I could.

That horrifying thought immediately made him burst out with, “You can do what!?”

Gon started shaking under his hands before he threw his head back to let out a guffaw. Jasper startled, glancing at the lady but she’d yet to move. “Your expressions were really funny! What did he say?”

“He just said hello, that's all.”

“Aw, c’mon Jasper! You turned bright red. What else did he say?”

Yes, Jasper , Harry whispered slyly. What did I say?

“Harry said he can tell you,” Jasper squeaked after a moment of trying and failing to figure out what to say.

Gon paused, mouth still slightly open. “He can?”

“Well… he says he can?”

You just need to give me permission.

“Er… you have my permission?” He realised only after blurting it out that he’d basically given Harry leave to tell Gon exactly what he’d been trying to avoid. “Wait-”

And suddenly Jasper felt as if he was yanked backwards. It was the strangest feeling, as if a cord had tied a hook in his belly and tore him back through an ocean of water. Everything was muffled and dark, blurring around him. It stopped just as violently as it started and he was left feeling hollow and wobbly. He almost didn’t feel real, like if he moved wrong he would completely disappear.

When he gained a little bit of control over his faculties he noticed that he was in a place that was extremely familiar. It was dim here, with layers upon layers of darkening shadows twisting around him. The only light came from a multitude of fractals shimmering like stars in the space around him. They blinked at him, winking in and out of existence over and over but not in a distracting way, more of a… welcome?

Jasper wasn’t exactly sure what to think of this soothing comfort that seemed to wrap around him. He knew and did not know this place which was just weird. Exactly like Harry actually. 

Wait. This was Harry’s space!

And now that he wasn’t quite so disoriented he could hear something. It sounded very much like Gon’s voice. There was a pause, then a response in a voice that sounded similar to Harry but slightly more higher pitched. The accent was the same though.

“Harry,” he called warily, trying to look around for the teen.

One moment, Jasper. The voice in here was the deeper version he was used to and it rebounded in the space ringing directly through his skin and bones. The sensation wasn’t painful but it was very… different. It wasn’t just the words he had heard but it was almost like… he could taste the intention behind them? Harry wanted him to wait. Both the strange taste and the words confirmed this.

Gon’s voice rang out again and this time he could actually make out individual words instead of the base humming drone. They were… talking about eyes?

Thank you for this chance, Jasper. You should come back out for now. We can speak more about this later, if you’d like. For now, spend time with your friend.

Not even a moment later that hook was back and he was yanked forward. He blinked rapidly, the feeling of being back was strange. His body felt heavy and… fleshy.

“Oh! Hi Jas!”

He blinked again and stared at Gon for a moment trying to figure out how his voice worked. It came out raspier than he was used to. “H-Hello. That was… strange.”

“Oh? What did it feel like for you?” Now that he was settled a bit more he noticed that he was leaning back against his pillows on the headboard now instead of sitting up by himself. His own legs were crossed under the blanket and his knees were snug against Gon’s own as the boy propped his elbows on his knees and sat his chin upon his laced hands. His face was warm and bright again and it made Jasper’s chest feel heated in a pleasant way.

“Like I was and wasn’t there? Like… I was a ghost or something,” he tried to explain haltingly. How did one explain that they’d felt, all at once, that they were everywhere and nowhere? That their voice was not actually a voice but more intention and thought brought to life around you? That the shadowy place he’d been in, he hadn’t truly seen with his eyes but experienced with his whole being? “I heard you guys talking, I think but I was so turned around that I missed most of it.

That feeling should fade with practice, Harry hummed, sounding much more content than anytime he’d heard him previous.

At the same time, Gon straightened and said, “Harry said that he’s happy we’re friends! And then I asked about your eyes because when he came out they both glowed for a moment, then they turned green and it was really cool!”

“My eyes turned green,” he asked dumbly. Though, he shouldn’t have. Harry’s eyes were green. He didn’t know how he knew this considering he’d never actually seen Harry, but he did. 

Gon nodded vigorously. “And they glowed! Sort of like Kurapika’s!”

“Kurapika’s eyes glow? That’s… the blonde one you told me about? Blondie?”

“Yup! But his eyes glow red. And yours were much brighter. You guys both have pretty eyes, though,” he said rather bluntly.

Jasper blinked in surprised affront. “I’m not pretty!”

“Your eyes are!”

“Shut up!”

Gon laughed again.

Eventually they must have fallen asleep after chatting more about their adventures and Gon’s promise to be his friend (Harry had only spoken once more, content to listen apparently) because Jasper woke up to the sun hitting his eyes. He woke up-

And remembered everything from last night.

Okay. Maybe not every detail! But… He remembered Gon and the story of the Hunter Exam. He remembered Harry and swapping places briefly. He remembered the blue haired lady, who wasn’t actually on the chair anymore.

It’s just-

He remembered. It wasn’t like smoke that he was desperately trying to grasp anymore. His memories were solid, real! Maybe slightly fuzzy but compared to nothing- That was- How?

Because the barrier is gone.

Jasper startled, almost flinging himself off the side of the bed to hide. Or possibly get to a more defensible position. He wasn’t exactly sure because Harry burst into laughter that rang happily in his head, which was enough of a distraction that his half formed panic immediately faded.

Smooth. You’re going to have to get used to me, you know.

“Maybe if you didn’t chime in out of nowhere,” he muttered grumpily, righting himself and disentangling his legs from the blanket. He tossed it away and pushed himself fully up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. The room looked different in the moonlight. Here in the sun, the walls were more of a golden color and he could actually see the tiled floor now. The blue chair was still by the side of the bed but there was no one else in the room with him. Unfortunately, the annoying beeping machine was still chirping next to him and he was tempted to kick it.

“You mean that whatever was separating us was messing up my memories?”

Yes and no.

Jasper scowled. “What does that mean?”

It was a contributing factor to the continuous loss. 

“You mean that other stuff kept my memories from me?”

Yes and no.

“That’s not helpful, Harry,” he hissed, digging his fingers into the bedsheets.

It’s not supposed to be. You’re not ready to hear the rest, Jasper. Trust me.

“If you know you should tell me! I can handle it!”

No! You’ll rip your mind to shreds again!

“I-” He paused, shoulders slumping in disbelief. His gaze was blankly staring at the door. What did Harry mean?

Please, Jasper, trust me on this. You aren’t ready. I- I know what it’s like to have information withheld from you. It’s not a good feeling. I know. But… I honestly don’t think you’re ready. Just enjoy your friends and look for your family.

“Our,” Jasper breathed out slowly, bitterness lacing his tongue. Harry sounded strained and morose.

What?

“Our family,” he repeated dully.

Harry was quiet for a moment. There was a short sigh- more a huff of air than anything- and he finally spoke again. Someone is coming. Chin up, kid.

“How do you-”

He didn’t even get to finish his question before the door opened and a stranger walked in, propping it open with a brown wedge. She was a short woman with brown hair cropped close to her head. A large white coat was thrown over her shoulders, falling all the way to the back of her knees. Under that was a blue shirt tucked into blue pants with white socks and purple sneakers.

He blinked at her, slowly standing off the bed to give himself more room to move around in case he needed to defend himself. She didn’t look armed but one could never know. The wires still attached would impede him some but they could also be used just like his garotte if he did it right.

The lady glanced up from the papers she was holding and looked him over. “Sit down before you fall over,” she commanded brusquely, walking further into the room. He shifted his feet and bent his knees.

“Hey!”

The loud voice from outside the room startled him but only made the lady tsk. Seconds later the blue haired lady, looking much different with her hair up in five distinct buns (that looked really familiar) and not falling over her shoulders, charged into the room. “What did I say about being alone with him! What did she say to you kid?”

“Wha-” He never even got to speak before their voices ran right over his squeaky question.

“Must you?”

“Yes, I must! You leeches keep trying to steal him from me!”

The white coat lady had a rather obvious tick on her jaw as she ground her teeth. “It’s not like you leave him alone at any point in time. You’re the one acting like some possessive leech!”

“Because you and your buddies want to steal him for his nen!”

“First of all, they aren’t my buddies! Second- Do you understand the significance of how powerful he could be for the medical community!? What he could do with actual training-”

Jasper watched them devolve into a verbal fight with a heavy dose of uncertainty stilling him. The white coat lady looked pretty harmless but blue hair… She had some rather defined muscles that flexed and shifted with her every movement. They were all the more obvious due to her lack of clothing. Little denim shorts and a bra with a see through shirt that didn’t even cover her bellybutton hid absolutely nothing. Jasper was pretty wary of someone who had muscles like that and wasn’t afraid to display them.

He felt that if he moved at all it would attract their attention and he really wanted to avoid that. Blue hair had been in his room last night but Gon hadn’t seemed to think much of her so he hadn’t either. Now? Here alone- well, sort of but the other adult was a threat too- with her, it was a little different. He had nothing but himself and maybe some of the items in the room at his disposal if he needed to defend himself.

Still… standing here like a coward wasn’t doing him any good. He inched back slowly, pausing every second to see if they’d turn to him. Nope. They just kept going on about who he’d go with. Which was stupid of them. Obviously he was going with Gon. 

He had two options of escape. One was the window, which was closed and possibly locked. He hadn’t had time to examine it so it was his least viable option. Unless he broke through it which probably wasn’t a great idea either. The other option was the large door behind the arguing duo. It was open but there was the obstacle of two very loud, probably very strong, adult females. Best case scenario was him being able to overpower them but that wasn’t likely to happen considering he was barely over half their size. Second best case scenario would be to surprise and overcome. That he could definitely do. Jasper had long learned how to become an ambush predator. 

His calf bounced against the bed and he paused again. With a quick rallying breath, he wrapped the wires in his hands so they wouldn’t rip out and injure himself unnecessarily. Then he threw himself over the bed to the other side. 

The wires tightened in his hands and there was an almighty crash as the beeping machine toppled over after smacking into the bed. There were loud exclamations of surprise and he took a moment to rip the plastic away from his skin. One of them hurt really bad but he wiggled it enough that it snapped out along with a steady stream of blood. Still better than being tied down with enemies in the room.

As he waited for them to approach so he could spring his attack and get away, there was just silence.

Then, “Sorry, kid. We scared you, huh?”

“I suppose we made a mistake. Tsk. This is going to be such a hassle to clean up.”

“Are you serious right now?”

The second voice- coat lady he was sure- just scoffed. “This equipment costs a fortune and it’s scattered in pieces on the floor!”

“Argh! This is why you’re so annoying!”

“Hey! What are you- Get your hands off-”

The door slammed closed and left Jasper in silence. He almost couldn’t believe what had just happened for a moment. With one hand clutching the other to stem the blood, he peeked over the bed to find the room empty.

Well, that just happened.

Jasper yelped. “Harry! Stop that!”

But you make it funny.

“That’s not- You-! Argh!”

And now you sound like Miss Blue Hair.

“Shut up!”

There were a few moments of grumbling at Harry before he finally pushed himself up to check on the window. Better to have an escape route planned now that he was alone. He probably wasn’t in danger considering this was supposed to be a place of healing and the blue haired lady had been around last night… but that didn’t mean he couldn’t have contingencies in place.

It’s better to have something than nothing. A hard lesson learned.

He felt like there was a story to that considering how morose the voice in his head sounded. Jasper didn’t respond, though. Instead, he studied the window, finding the little latches in the corners and popping them open. Then he hefted the window open enough that he should be able to squeeze through with little effort. It would look to others like he just needed fresh air.

The only reason he wasn’t fleeing was because Gon was still probably around and he wanted to see his promised friend. Last night was fraught but also relaxing enough for him to be content in his current situation. So, he’d stick around. If Gon didn’t show up soon Jasper might have to go looking for him, though.

Thankfully, that was never more than a passing thought as his friend arrived a minute later with three more people in tow. 

“Miss Menchi said you were awake again,” Gon crowed, bursting through the door. He was wearing the same outfit as last night but his hair was neater and spiked backwards instead of sleep tousled. The grin on his face was just as warm and welcoming as before which made Jasper’s chest flutter with happiness.

Behind him was a middle aged looking man dressed in fancy pants and a white pressed button-up shirt that was untucked and had the sleeves rolled up to the elbow. The man took one glance at him, saw his still bleeding hand, and let out a strangled noise. The blonde next to him- ah, these must be Blondie and Doctor Drab as he’d dubbed them- was wearing a blue funky looking piece of cloth that fell over his back and front covering the white shirt and pants underneath it. The redorcations on it were slightly eye-catching. The blonde let out a sigh and stepped lightly over the broken and scattered (blissfully silent) beeping machine to set a tray of food on the bed. Then the older teen reached down and yanked up a folding table that was apparently attached to the bed. He settled it so it would go where Jasper’s lap would have been if he’d still been in the bed.

Then he looked directly at Jasper with a raised brow and asked, “Well, are you going to eat?”

He huffed and plopped himself in the bed. He looked at what was on the plate- an assortment of colorful looking fruit, a bowl of watery looking porridge, and two peeled eggs sitting next to a slice of white meat. It was food. Good food by the looks of it but he wasn’t hungry. 

When he looked up he met three gazes- expectant, patient, and excited- which made him sigh and reach for the meat. Meat was good for energy. He ate it methodically, grimacing at the mush it became in his mouth before swallowing. Then he plucked up a few berries. The same result.

“Does it not taste okay,” Blondie questioned from his spot against the wall by the door. Jasper hadn’t even noticed him moving there, so focused was he on the weird textures in his mouth.

“Menchi made it up especially for you,” Gon exclaimed with a small frown. “She’d be sad if it didn’t taste good.”

“Taste? Er… it’s all the… same?”

Logically he knew what taste meant. He also knew that technically the flavor was supposed to burst across his tongue because it did when he was younger. Now, though? Nothing. It was just… something in his mouth.

Doctor Drab let out a sound that was akin to a wounded animal as he crossed his arms, shoulders hunching, and dropped his chin to his chest. “She was afraid of that.”

Now he was just confused. “Of what?”

Doctor Drab straightened himself out again- arms still crossed- and sighed through his nose. “Lemme just,” He paused, eyes closing as a furrow appeared between his brows. When his brown eyes reopened they almost shimmered with heavy emotion, enough so that Jasper couldn’t pick any specific one out. “Lemme just lay stuff out for you. Gon said he told you about the Hunter Exams. It started-”

“I remember what Gon said,” he cut in impatiently.

Everyone was taken aback by that. 

“You remember?” It was cautious and slow, disbelieving.

“Yes.”

“Jas that’s great! Do you think your memory will come back,” Gon eagerly asked, plopping on the bed and scooting closer. 

He hesitated before shaking his head. “My past is… still a mystery. Mostly. But… everything from last night I remember. I don’t know if I’ll remember anything,” Because Harry was being selfish and holding those memories. Even if they hurt, they were still his, dammit. “But from now on I shouldn’t forget anything else?”

He hoped.

That earned him a happy tackle from Gon, which almost sent the food flying. Doctor Drab yelped and salvaged the tray while Blondie snatched the airborne porridge bowl. It splattered a little over his sleeve and the face he made at it made him burst into laughter as he turned to bury his face into Gon’s neck.

Everything settled a few minutes later and he was coaxed into eating a few more bites before Doctor Drab continued. “Right. Well, good to know we don’t have to repeat anything.” He scratched a hand through his hair and adjusted his glasses while clearing his throat. “Gon didn’t tell you what happened with Killua, right?”

“No…?” Gon’s eyes did that same thing as last night where they dimmed into a mud brown. His face was expressionless and it was very unnerving. “We got… distracted.”

“By Harry,” Kurapika hummed. It didn’t sound like a question but he nodded anyway. “Would he be willing to talk to us?”

I guess I could. 

This time he was sort of expecting it because Harry had been mentioned by name, so he didn’t jump. “He said he would. But I want to hear about Killua first. He hasn’t been here at all from what I’ve seen. What happened?”

Silence.

He pursed his lips but before he could say anything, it was Harry who cut him off. 

He almost killed us, Jasper.

“What!?”

I.. don’t think it was by his own will. It almost looked like an Imperius Curse…

His brain was stuck on almost being killed by someone he sort of got along with. Supposedly. Maybe Gon had been exaggerating?

“Harry just told you, didn’t he?”

He turned wide eyed to Gon.

“Wait- You weren’t exaggerating when you said there was another person in his body and they could talk?” Doctor Drab sounded like a dying animal again and it was enough to shake Jasper from his shock.

“Why would I?”

Jasper tuned everyone out, turning the information in his head over and over again. With basically nothing to go on, he only had the information given to him. What did he know? Gon said Killua was his friend too. Harry said Killua wasn’t acting of his own will. That likely meant Killua was still his friend? But that didn’t negate the fact that he almost killed him. Somehow. He didn’t feel particularly hurt. In fact, he felt perfectly fine. So, he technically didn’t have a big opinion besides being surprised. Now that he was thinking about it, he was just curious instead of angry or truly upset. 

With that somewhat figured out, he lifted his head (when had he dropped it?) to look at the others. Blondie was still against the wall. Doctor Drab was pacing by the foot of the bed and Gon was watching him blankly.

With a deep breath he started, “I don’t know what happened and I- I don’t know if I ever really will but, um… I’m assuming he left because he hurt me?”

“Yes,” Blondie intoned quietly.

Gon jumped in next. “We’re going to go get him back! If you saw how his brother treated him- It wasn’t very brotherly. And you should come with us so he knows you’re okay.”

He blinked, accepting the few berries that Gon had just scooped up and handed him. He plopped them in his mouth, chewed, and answered. “Sounds like fun.”

“That’s it?” Doctor Drab sounded incredulous.

At the same time Gon let out a loud cheer and tackled him again. This time they went rolling off the bed. The whole scene prompted a round of scolding that only made Gon and Jasper stick out their tongues at the older boys.

“You’re seriously just going to go and see him? No questions asked?” 

Well, Doctor Drab was pushy about this. He supposed he should explain his reasoning. “I’d like to ask more questions but honestly, from the little I’ve heard I want to see him anyway. Gon says he’s my friend. And Harry thinks he wasn’t in control when it happened. I don’t remember what happened so I can’t really… work up the emotional attachment to the situation you all seem to have?” He finished uncertainly watching Doctor Drab the most. Blondie had only closed his eyes with a nod, but the brunette was staring at him with a large frown on his face. 

Finally he just rubbed his hand over his face knocking his glasses askew. “Alright Jasper. We’re leaving in three hours apparently. I think we need to sit down and chat about…. A lot really but for now. Finish your food.”

He frowned at the bowl in Blondie's hand that was waved in his general direction. Then narrowed his eyes at Doctor Drab. “You’re not my dad.”

“C’mon Jas! You have to eat to get stronger,” Gon chirped from beside him.

“Okay.”

“Just like that!? You little brat!”

Jasper’s lips twitched higher. 

Chapter Text

"Apprentice?"

The blue haired woman was apparently a Hunter- which explained her muscles- and she wanted to take him on as an apprentice. Sort of.

She tossed one leg over her other and plopped an arm behind her on the blue chair. Her face was set in a serious visage even as the rest of her body was relaxed. To Jasper she looked like a snake about to strike and it made him wary.

"Mhm." Her foot started bouncing in the air. "I can't accept you fully as a Gourmet Hunter yet because you can't taste your work but I can get you started on the basics of nen. And," her eyes narrowed on him and he leaned back on the bed warily. The door was open thankfully, because she was blocking the way to the window if he needed to flee, "in exchange you're going to accept my orders on your diet. If I give you a set time to eat, you eat. Got it?"

He felt like he didn't exactly have a choice.

Technically, we already know the basics of nen. I could teach you again.

Harry's random interruptions were getting less and less startling but that still didn't stop him from flinching. Menchi's sharp eye caught it but she didn't say anything, waiting for his response most likely. What Harry had said gave him some measure of relief, too. It meant he had options and options were always good. Despite Gon introducing her, he was very wary of the Gourmet Hunter, especially after he'd been left alone with her while the others went to do… stuff. Grab bags or… something. They weren't all that clear.

But this also meant he had no true reason to accept, right?

Well… Yes and no.

Jasper could feel his eyebrow twitch.

It would be good to have someone pushing us to eat. We can't… feel hunger right now. And multiple opinions and teachers never hurt.

Can't feel hungry?

It's something I would like to explain to… everyone. They've already seen the cause and I'm sure they'll have questions. Leorio did say there would be a sit down chat. I'm assuming it'll happen when they come back or when we start traveling.

He thumped his hand down on the bed in agitation. Of course, more things that were being hidden from him.

I'm not hiding it, Jasper. Just... waiting a bit to tell you.

He scoffed, turning his attention back to Menchi. She'd not moved an inch besides her bouncing foot. "Why should I accept?"

Her head tilted. "Besides the fact that you're actually at risk of dying due to malnutrition or refeeding syndrome? I can teach you a lot about nen. Though, considering you haven't asked what it is… you already know. Which begs the question of how much you know and if that Hatsu was yours."

"Hatsu?" he muttered questioningly before he could stop himself.

It was mine, Harry huffed.

"Heh. Guess you don't know everything. Wonder if it's that alter of yours…? Tch. Doesn't matter. In any case, you need a teacher and someone to keep an eye on you while you get some meat on your bones." She pulled herself from her lax slouch, sitting straight with her hands clenched on her knees. "I'm a harsh teacher. I don't care for whining, I don't care for half-assers. What I do care for is that you do what I say, when I say it. I'm picky with a quick temper and exacting standards. My training will hurt, it will push you to your limits. But… if you listen and if you try, you'll go from raw to full fledged Hunter material."

Before he could say anything there were footsteps pounding down the hallway. Menchi relaxed, her muscles shifting under skin fluidly as she leaned back in the chair kicking up her leg again.

Well, that one is rather intense, isn't she?

Jasper couldn't help but agree.

"Jaaaaass! I have all of your stuff," Gon announced as he skidded in through the doorway. He proudly held up two bags, a leather side bag and a small fabric pouch were set on top of a folded set of clothes. He held them like an offering and Jasper twisted so he could snatch them and set them on the bed in front of him. "You should get dressed so we can set out! We have to get to the airship!"

He glanced down at himself. A thick white shirt with a breast pocket and white pants that hung a bit on his hips. He looked at the folded clothes, then back at himself.

"These aren't mine?"

"Whoa! Look at all the white!"

"Would you stop squishing your face to the window?"

"But it's so pretty!"

"And your face is greasy!"

"Jasper," Blondie coughed in amusement, interrupting his distracted banter with Doctor Drab. "We really do need to talk. You have all of tomorrow to admire the flight."

"Ugh, fine." He peeled himself away from the sea of fluffy white clouds outside the window. With a sad huff, he meandered over to the chair Gon was sitting on and squashed himself in next to the boy. There was just something about being in close contact with Gon that was satisfying. It had been awkward at first, making his skin itchy, but the more Gon tackled him or hugged him or… well, the more touch he got, the more he craved. The brunette didn't seem at all averse to his clinging either so Jasper quite happily indulged in it.

Once he was comfortable (his legs thrown over Gon's, with Gon wrapping an arm around his shoulders), he stared expectantly at the others. The room they had bought was rather fancy, the only one that was large enough to accommodate their group on such short notice. Though, buying was a rather misleading term he'd learned, because a Hunter's License basically made most travel free. Which had been quite a revelation. He'd gone on a rant during the run to the ship about how much easier it would be to try and find his family.

That giddy floating feeling hadn't gone away at all and it had been hours.

Even now, staring at everyone else, he was in the best mood since… well, ever!

Leorio (who was now insisting upon using his actual name... but it was so much fun to tease and watch him go on a muttered rant when he called him Doctor Drab) was perched on the arm of the couch. It was a matching set to the chair, both of them some kind of soft red fabric that felt good under his fingers. The teenager- which he still had trouble believing and had said so to the tall brunette's face- had his hands stuffed in his pockets and was grumbling away with a sour look on his face. Kurapika (who was much less fun to tease with his nickname as he only got raised eyebrows) was tucked into the corner of the couch furthest from the aspiring doctor. His hands were clenched in his lap and he was watching everyone with a half-smile on his face.

Menchi was actually flitting around the room. He still hadn't agreed to be her student but apparently that didn't matter as she was stuck to him like glue. He hadn't talked to her since her announcement in that room and despite not really wanting to, he probably should in the near future especially if his good mood lasted.

Right now she was pacing in front of a large black box that was settled halfway into the wall of the airship. Underneath it was a gorgeous looking wooden cupboard with twisted metal handles. On either side of that were two large leafy plants that added a pretty spot of green to the creamy walls. Both chair and couch were facing Menchi but also each other so it made it easy for everyone to see everyone.

"Sooo… what are we gonna talk about," he prompted after a moment.

Leorio let out a slow breath, leaning back further so his legs were stretched out and more of his weight fell on the arm of the couch. One hand was removed from his pocket and he waved it in the air as if he didn't know what to say. But speak he did. "Right… we got sidetracked at the Hunter er, place? Hospital? Whatever. Just to clarify, we're going after Killua… who almost killed you. And you're fine with it?"

"Yes."

"Okay. That was... easy. Next topic. Your health." Menchi turned sharply at this, crossing her arms under her chest and watching intently. "There's a lot that should be said but I want you to be comfortable. I can talk about this alone with you or-"

"Right here is fine," Jasper hummed. He didn't really have anything to hide.

Leorio shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut, his hand falling to pinch the bridge of his nose. He dropped his hand a moment later to settle on the couch as he looked at Jasper again. "I'm hoping, as crazy as this is going to make me sound, that your… head mate? Can explain. Things. Maybe?"

They did say they wanted to speak with me. Will you let me, Jasper?

Jasper shrugged, melting further into Gon until he felt that same strange sensation of being yanked backwards.

Harry reveled in the feeling of sturdy weight that came with sitting in the front seat. It was rather disconcerting spending so long stuffed in the back of someone's head. He had never wanted to know how Voldemort felt in his first year. In fact, he could have done without it entirely but he was here and there were things that needed to be done; protecting Jasper amongst them. It was also really nice that he didn't have the kid practically destroying his own mind to get back to the front whenever he had to take over to save both of them.

There was just something so fulfilling and soothing about being able to feel the pulse of blood traveling the body and… just feeling in general. Harry would never again take for granted the five senses.

He also knew why sensory deprivation and overload could be considered a form of torture.

"Hi, Harry!"

The voice was loud and in his ear- ringing; ringing that pounded through his head- and very much the same Gon that he'd met last night. "'llo."

He was jostled momentarily, making him open his eyes to gaze at the occupants. Seeing through the mindspace with the barrier in place was indescribably different; something close to tunnel vision that was a few seconds behind. Or maybe watching the memory of what Jasper was seeing a little after it was already happening. Then throw in sounds which were processed immediately and it was very difficult to pay attention at all times. Most often he blocked the current sounds and focused only on the memory sounds. Unfortunately, that could leave him behind if it were something important so when he truly wanted to pay attention he went without vision, focusing only on what others were saying. It was great practice for reading tonal inflections, at least.

Harry had always been good at reading body language… He'd just been getting a different kind of people practice.

Now that the seal had been broken and he was allowed free access to Jasper's senses in real time, it was a struggle to adjust to the change. Having practice in bodily form should help him. Maybe.

"That… that is very unnerving," Leorio admitted, staring at him with wide eyes. It was the first time Harry was getting to see him in person and despite Jasper's Drab moniker, the teenager was anything but. Leorio's skin was a tawny beige that mixed well with his darker eyes and hair but just describing them as dark didn't do them justice. His eyes practically sparkled with his emotions and his face was so openly honest that it made Harry homesick for the red and gold towers of Gryffindor. Though his ambitions and suit color lent him more towards the inquisitive minds of Ravenclaw, Harry thought the man would be right at home with him and the Gryffs.

Kurapika was quite the opposite. He had the ice cold beauty of a Slytherin Prince and a solid mask to go with it. He had seen the boy smile in Jasper's fractured memories, which softened his entire image, but right now, sitting there on the couch he looked as if he could have been carved from marble. With hair gold enough to woo a veela, soft supple pale pink skin, and eyes that changed color depending on the lighting; Kurapika was a gorgeous man and would only grow to be even more so. Thankfully, despite his calculating regal mask, the older teen was nothing like Malfoy and seemed to harbor a softer heart.

"You're the one that asked for me," he pointed out as he shifted to look over the last one in the room (besides his seat buddy). Menchi was staring at him with pursed lips, rocking side to side on her heels. Jasper had been right to notice her muscles because, wow, Harry had seen that physique only on his fellow quidditch players; most notably the Weasley twins. Her revealing clothes only brought more attention to the hard work she must have put into her body to achieve that state. It was almost incongruous with the pretty face that she had. Her cheek and jawbones could cut glass but everything else was soft enough to balance it out. And her hair was a sparkling blue that he could only ever find on a jewel. It was a pity she tied it up in such a strange fashion. Hair like that would frame her face and shoulders and mix her colors like a canvas art piece.

She blinked her teal eyes at him and Harry shifted his gaze back over to Leorio who was staring up at the ceiling with a bobbing throat. It was rather long and-

Well, he was getting lost in his admiration. He'd never really admired the beauty of the world around him until his jaunt trapped in a mindspace but… everything was just so solid around him, less mutable and fleeting. He didn't need to so desperately hold on to his sense of self as the world shook and sundered itself around him.

He shook his head a bit to knock himself back on track. These people, the ones that had cared for Jasper, had questions. And Harry had answers. He'd just have to be very careful with them. Last time Jasper hadn't been able to hear much, probably due to the newness of their transition but he wasn't sure how much he'd hear now… nor how much these bunch of new friends would keep from his younger charge.

"We did," Kurapika intoned quietly. "I suppose I'll start while Leorio pulls himself under control." He got a sharp look from the blue-suited man but nothing else. "Since we've never officially met, let me introduce myself. My name is Kurapika of the Kurta clan."

"A pleasure," Harry murmured in return. "I'm Harry. Just Harry."

Kurapika nodded, his eyes sharp and scanning the planes of their face. It was strange to be in a body not his own. He'd seen it a few times in reflections and really the only thing that could be considered the same was their hair and even then Jasper's was much darker; a pure black compared to Harry's own dark brown.

"How long have you been with Jasper?"

Gon shifted next to him, probably also curious about his answer. They hadn't discussed much last night, not anything of importance besides informing Jasper of the Hunter Exam adventures. "A very long time," he answered steadily, knowing it wasn't exactly what the blonde wanted to hear. "We've been separated until recently, though."

"I'm assuming it had to do with the exorcist," Menchi hummed, tapping a finger to her lips.

"Yes. Our nen... We had never had a reason to be separate before until we were sealed."

And that was all he said on that matter no matter how much Menchi tried prying more or Kurapika asked leading questions. Gon sat next to him the whole time, his fingers tapping a rhythm against his shoulder. It was a helpful and welcome distraction. Though he wondered at why the slightly taller boy asked nothing, he was extremely thankful for it. Gon had a childish enthusiasm and innocence just like Jasper and Harry didn't exactly want to pit himself against two of them.

"Ok, ok. You won't answer. We get it. Stop picking on the kid!" Harry's lips twitched into a smile at the vehement defense from Leorio. Definitely a Gryff, that one.

"I'm assuming you're ready to ask me questions then?"

Leorio looked a bit sheepish, his glasses glinting in the light from the bulb overhead. Outside it was already darkening though the clouds were still an ethereal sight. He wished he could take flight amongst them like he used to with his broom. Especially in a body that didn't require glasses. His heart twisted wistfully and for the first time since they had switched, he heard Jasper.

Why are you sad, Harry?

I'm not sad, he thought to the boy. I miss flying, is all.

He thought that Jasper would respond but Leorio cut in first. "Do you know how badly you were hurt?"

Ah. Of course, this would be the line of questioning for the doctor. "The particulars? Not really. I can't exactly look inside our body, after all. But it's fairly obvious when you're bleeding out from a giant hole in your chest."

Leorio looked chagrined but apparently he was determined to continue. "And before that?"

"You mean… during the exam? Yes. But healing in the state we were in was- difficult. Unless it would kill us there was little I could do." He shifted lower and turned his face so he could settle his ear against Gon's chest to hear his heartbeat. It was a steady rhythm that helped him focus on one thing instead of all the sensory input around him. He briefly wondered if it was normally this cold in an airship before refocusing on the conversation.

"And having lungs that were going to collapse due to the immense amount of blebs wasn't a worry for you?"

"Considering I don't know what a bleb is, I couldn't tell you," he responded dryly.

"A bleb is… On a lung it's an air pocket outside of your lungs. If it ruptures that's less space for your lungs to expand until they collapse," the man explained haltingly as he threw his hands up in the air. "And you had hundreds! On both lungs!"

"Had," he huffed, closing his eyes. "They probably went away when we were exorcised right?"

"Well, yes but-"

"Then why are you worried?"

"Because you had them in the first place! How did you even-"

"The Trick Tower, I'm assuming."

There was a sudden silence that seemed to weigh on the room physically. It made him crack an eye open to stare at everyone else. He hadn't even realized they had closed...

"I know you have some of Jasper's memories but how much do you remember," Kurapika asked softly, shifting forward so his elbows were on his knees and his chin was supported by his clasped hands.

Harry let a slow breath out from his nose and contemplated what to say. Jasper already knew that Harry had information he wanted, and these people were smart enough to pick up on what he wasn't saying. There shouldn't be any harm in telling them that he knew more but-

Even just thinking about it made his head spin and his heart clench in his chest. He didn't want them to question and pry, there would be plenty enough of that from Jasper.

Harry… you're breathing too fast.

He sucked in a breath and held it. "Everything," he croaked, then released his breath in a rush. Gon's arm tightened on his shoulders and his other arm came up to lock around his middle and tug him further onto the taller boy's lap. The increased contact made him shudder at the warmth of it until it seeped into his skin.

He didn't know how long he sat there in the quiet, soaking in the presence of a boy younger and taller than him. Eventually, when the sky had darkened noticeably he was able to lift his head and look at the gathered group of people again. "Any more questions?"

"What happened at the Tower," Gon questioned quietly.

At the same time Menchi asked, "How much nen training have you been through?"

"Hm. One at a time, I guess. The Tower… Are you sure you want to know?"

Gon nodded, his chin brushing the top of Harry's head. So, Harry sighed and sat straight again, back against the arm of the chair, grounding himself by running his fingers over the fabric of the couch again and again. He thought over what he knew of the group. Gon seemed rather loyal but he didn't know the boy's thoughts on killing. Kurapika would probably be okay with it but one never knew. Menchi was a Hunter… but she hunted ingredients. He wondered if it would hurt their chances to have a teacher. But, truly, the one he worried about was Leorio. The teen had a temper like Harry's and he didn't want to deal (or leave Jasper to deal) with an explosion right now.

… Safer to test the waters?

No… Perhaps just get it over with. Rip it off like a plaster.

"Alright. We ended up on a majority path with three people. In the end the man killed the woman and we killed the man." It still surprised him how casually he could talk about this now. He was more guilt ridden over the fact that there was no guilt. Harry had started losing pieces of himself here and the apathy over killing was one of the bigger pieces he had no idea how to get back. He wanted to be like his old self- nauseated, horrified over the thought of even hurting someone.

Survival first.

Then morals.

He tried not to think about it.

It was just… really disheartening if he thought about it too much.

"But we were stuck because the watches weren't working. So… we used what we had available and blasted the wall open. It was mostly accidental. But it was enough to create a poison that immediately started eating at us. I was able to get it out of our lungs enough that we could survive. The remnants created the rashes and blisters that you saw on our hands. I'm assuming that, just like our skin, it caused some lasting damage to our lungs. When we were cleansed I was able to do a blanket healing," he finished, wiggling his fingers and dragging the tips against the couch to feel the soft fibers dig under his nails.

The healing itself had been interesting. Having been completely freed from suppression, it basically had a minor celebration sprouting ghostly flowers and herbs everywhere. Every one that he could ever remember learning about, even some only specific to his old life, had burst into bloom around them (probably startling the exorcist and doctor) and the healing effects had kicked in immediately. He had no idea if it had affected anyone besides him and Jasper as he'd never tried to use his Hatsu on anyone else… but if it did they probably felt as fantastic as he did. It had also been such a large burst of power used that it knocked him right out alongside the already unconscious Jasper.

His wandering fingers were captured by Gon and Harry turned to the boy who looked uncharacteristically serious. His dark brows furrowed against his honey colored skin casting a darker shade over his sharp amber eyes. "I'm glad you're alive."

He gave a weak smile, ignoring the painful clench in his gut. "As to nen training," he turned his gaze back to the adults, mainly Menchi. "We had a teacher… He's dead. I know the basics and I created my Hatsu but… we haven't been trained at length. I could teach Jasper on my own and he'd probably prefer that but… it would be easier with help."

As much as he'd love to do it on his own, he couldn't see from the outside and he wasn't a master at nen. They would need training if they were going to survive a jaunt around the world. They were barely surviving on their own. And Harry was not so prideful that he wouldn't ask for help when he recognized it was needed. Also… the food thing was probably important too. Sacrificing the ability to feel hunger had not been one of his smarter ideas but he'd been desperate at the time.

Menchi looked him over for a moment before giving a sharp nod. And that was all the questions for the night. They had obviously noted his drooping and decided to wrap things up. As Leorio put it, 'they had plenty more time for questions later'.

As he curled on the chair in preparation to sleep, he watched Gon plop on the ground in front of them with a pillow and he wasn't sure what to make of it. He wouldn't protest, though. The boy could do what he wanted. His eyes slipped closed, allowing him to savor the feel of the soft cushions beneath him holding his weight evenly. Jasper would automatically switch back when they slept so for now he wanted to enjoy this. Even if being out for so long would exhaust him he was hoping that this could be done more in the future. Going back after experiencing all of this would be-

Painful. Freeing.

But… he would endure. He had no other choice now.

Harry, you love to fly above and through the clouds on your own power… Are you an angel?

He heard the question… wanted to laugh at it. But his mind had already drifted back into shadow and slumber.

Chapter Text

Are you absolutely sure? I don’t think this is a good idea.

Jasper frowned, kicking his heels against the back of the couch. 

He’d spent the rest of the flight chatting about easy things with Gon and the rest of the group. Apparently too many heavy topics at once were a bad thing? Whatever. He enjoyed his time either way and he was determined to get some answers now that it had been a whole day of relaxing in their room aboard the airship, thinking.

Harry said that he remembered everything. And that he wouldn’t say a word about it. Which he still thought was stupid and unfair but after having talked to Gon, and Blondie, and Drabreo (he laughed hysterically at Leorio’s face for that one) about Killua… he was determined to know exactly what happened that day. It wasn’t fair that everyone else knew Killua but for him this was like going to meet a stranger!

He wanted to see and to know! He wanted his interactions with Killua to be honest and backed by actual knowledge. And he had the strongest feeling that not knowing would cause more problems.

So, yes. He’d been sitting here practically begging and demanding Harry show him some memories of Killua. Especially, and most importantly, the one that had ended up with him needing to be healed.

It’s going to affect how you see him. It’s going to hurt you.

“I don’t care,” he snapped, thoroughly fed up with all the excuses that Harry kept throwing at him. He could see Menchi’s head turn in his direction from his peripheral but he didn’t turn to look at the couch. He hadn’t told the others what he was planning to do and he wasn’t going to. It was his decision and his decision alone. “Think of it like a test for the rest of it,” he muttered sullenly a moment later.

Harry didn’t exactly sigh but Jasper could practically hear his exasperation and trepidation zinging around his head and chest. Which was very strange. He was still getting used to there being someone else with him at all times. He had, in fact, forgotten about Harry’s presence until he spoke up again and startled Jasper into slipping off the back of the couch as he’d been chasing Gon around the room. The loud crash had attracted Menchi from the bedroom and she just blinked down at him before shoving some fruit in his face.

That had been really embarrassing because Gon wouldn’t shut up about it.

Jasper…

“Harry,” he growled in response.

It was quiet for a few moments but before he could work himself up into- once again- pointing out all the logical reasons for needing to see this, Harry finally answered. Alright. He sounded tired but Jasper was full of energy now. He perked up, his lips peeling into a grin and he flopped back onto the chair, settling his head into the crack between the arm and the back while throwing his forearm across his eyes.

“Hey. You aren’t going to sleep are you? You haven’t eaten dinner yet, runt.”

He huffed, peeking an eye out to look at her. “Nah. I’m not sleeping, just looking at something!”

“Uh-huh,” her tone was drier than the desert. “How ‘bout you eat first before doing whatever you’re doing.”

Yeah. He ended up eating because Menchi could be scary when she got that gleam in her eye.

And an hour later he regretted that when he woke up and violently vomited on the carpet.

“This way.” Jasper followed Harry slowly, blinking and trying to right himself. It felt very off to be here when Harry was, like he was stuffed fuller than usual. Harry had said that he’d get used to the feeling, that it was only because he was consciously here instead of subconsciously (whatever that meant). Except the feeling didn’t really fade so here he was stumbling after the taller boy unable to truly catch his balance.

“Here.”

He stopped wobbling a bit until Harry’s hand settled on his shoulder. Sort of. It was and wasn’t like a physical sensation. There was the act of being stabilized by Harry’s hand but it also felt more like Harry’s whole… Self?... was there supporting him? It was very strange. Very very strange and he wasn’t sure he’d ever be used to this mind space wackeyness. 

Still, he was thankful for the support and allowed himself to lean more heavily into the taller boy. Then he glanced at what Harry was gesturing too.

And saw nothing.

Because Harry’s shadows were blocking everything.

“What-”

Abruptly the shadows parted to the sides like rising curtains and he was now staring into a large stone room. One side had large windows letting in the sunlight and there were several people standing around watching an old man talk. But the scene itself looked frozen and it gave him space to look around. He stepped forward carefully but Harry did not follow and he glanced back at him in confusion. Green eyes stared right back, a grim light swirling in their depths.

“I can’t go in with you.”

“Why?”

“I have to monitor your reaction.”

Jasper frowned looking into the room again before turning back to Harry. “I’ll be fine.”

The teen’s expression didn’t move but Jasper could once again taste the emotion pouring off of him. The sheer disbelief made his throat clog and he cleared it quietly. He tried again. “I will.”

Nothing changed. Jasper sighed and turned back to observe everything going on. He wanted to keep watching as he was, a third party viewer, but as soon as he felt the shadows close behind him, he was sucked into one of the frozen figures and he blanched. Everything started moving around him and he moved too without actually moving and-

Everything stuttered to a stop as Jasper stumbled backwards clutching at his chest- his very self.

“What was that,” he wheezed frantically looking around but all he could see was the room. No shadows except the natural ones caused by the fake sunlight. “Harry,” he called out slightly desperately.

“Are you already done?”

He startled, staring at the teen in front of him that hadn’t been there before. “W-what?”

“Tch. I knew this wasn’t a good idea. You aren’t even used to me and now you’re trying to relive-”

“What? No-” He cut in, lurching forward to latch onto Harry. “I want to do this! I do! I have to see it! I just- just wasn’t… expecting…”

The corner of Harry’s eyes softened slightly and he let out a sigh. “I don’t know how you talked me into this. This is so stupid. Jasper, we don’t even know how we function together yet- we’ve always been separate.”

“Please, Harry…”

“We could at least start with something less demanding!”

“You said it could take a while! I don’t want my time doing this to be cut short!”

“I said it might take a while!”

“ Harry… ”

“Fine. Just- stop looking at me like that. I don’t need your emotions blasted at me, thanks.” He paused and stared at the smaller boy for a moment, running his eyes over Jasper’s quivering form. “One more try. I don’t want you hurting yourself for this.”

Jasper pursed his lips, his fingers digging into Harry’s arm- self- before nodding in agreement. One more time was all he was going to need because he was going to do this. The feeling had overwhelmed him the first time and he knew what to expect now. Sort of.

And so they tried again and this time Jasper didn’t fight the feeling. He ended up acting the part of a puppet in a play, his spirit along for the ride. Everything he felt in that moment washed over him, drowned him in its intensity. His thoughts from then clanged around his head like someone slamming metal pots together, almost overwhelming enough to keep him from thinking, from processing, from trying to remember that he wasn’t actually there.

And then came the terror just from being in Killua’s older brother’s presence. If he had thought the other emotions to be strong... At least with those his head had been bobbing in the water, with this he was yanked straight down into an icy depth. 

For the second time he was ejected from the scene, this time coughing up a storm while trying to breathe at the same time. Harry did not appear even though Jasper desperately wanted his comfort. Perhaps because he believed in Jasper or perhaps because he was also blaring his determination to continue. Whatever the reason he took a moment to calm down, even his breathing and heartbeat- though he wasn’t sure how that worked considering they were in his mind- before cautiously inserting himself back into the scene.

The abrupt dip back into the suffocating terror immediately shot him back out again and he spluttered in shock. Then he glared at his memory double. If he had lived through the terror then, he could certainly do so again now.

So, he did. It wasn’t any easier no matter his determination but he made it.

He made it right up to the point that Killua’s hand was stuck in his chest and all he felt was distant sorrow to see his friend look so horrified for what he had done.

Jasper was immediately blasted outwards, the hook in his navel yanking him up-

“Jas, breathe!”

He was trying! He was trying!

It felt as though his breath had been stolen from his lungs as he doubled over heaving again. Only bile and tears greeted him as he’d long since expelled the food he’d eaten.

“C’mon Jasper. Listen to my voice and try to copy my count, okay? In. 1, 2, 3 ,4. Out. 1, 2, 3, 4.”

He tried but his chest felt shattered, his lungs couldn’t expand!

“Sorry, runt.”

A heavy weight slammed into his back and he gagged at the shock before sucking in a sharp breath. Then he did it again and again and again.

Slowly the world around him came back into focus. Through blurry vision he caught sight of the recognizable green from Gon’s outfit and the dark blue suit Leorio wore was a sharp color contrast from the red couch.

… Terrible idea. Never should have done it.

“What happened,” he breathed, dazed.

“You suddenly started convulsing,” Leorio responded, shifting a little farther back as Gon scooted forward, carefully avoiding the mess on the carpet. Two arms hooked under his armpits and slowly pulled him upwards until he was resting his sweaty face against Gon’s shoulder. “It was so bad you fell off the couch onto your face. Kurapika left to talk to the pilot about an emergency medical landing.”

“You scared the bejeezus out of us! What the hell were you and Harry doing,” Menchi demanded from somewhere behind them.

“Watching a memory,” he murmured tiredly. 

Which isn’t going to happen again. Your heart stopped, Jasper. I can’t- Never again!

“Oh.”

But why couldn’t he feel anything from Harry?

“I’ll go talk to Kurapika and the pilot but I am going to do a full check up afterwards,” Leorio huffed quietly after staring at him for a moment. His departure was just as quiet, the door closing the only sound as it clicked shut across the room.

Gon’s fingers gripped the back of his shirt tightly as the boy buried his face into Jas’ shoulder and quietly commanded. “You can’t do that, Jas. You can’t. Don’t do that again.”

Jasper hummed thinking over the implications of everything that happened. He’d almost died… but he’d accomplished what he set out to do. He remembered everything about that day and it left him with even more questions. What was he going to do about Killua? He wasn’t quite sure how he felt about that yet. He remembered the admiration, the desire to steal him away. He also remembered the feel of fingers settled gently around his heart, the agonizing shift of sharpened bone scraping against his flesh.

But, more importantly... could it be done again with less danger to himself? Could he and Harry practice more with lighter memories so he could lessen the impact to himself? Was the information worth the confusion and pain he was still suffering in the aftermath? Harry did say he’d already torn his mind apart the first time…. What if he tried to do so again?

He was sure he’d be able to convince Harry eventually but-

… Did he even want to try?

Crack.  

Stingstingsting.

Crack.

Heatheatheat.

Crack.

Killua sighed unhappily, deshedding the brush he was using on his father’s dogs. They were so large that the process usually took all day for one dog with several butlers and here he was forced to do it alone. His muscles ached and throbbed in protest and his thoughts were heavy and muggy. He’d once thought he already had an immunity to all the Zoldyck poisons but that was naive. Of course, they’d keep something in reserve for the unruly heir.

At least it wasn’t nausea inducing…

Ugh.

He hated them.

They were all monsters.

He was a monster.

Warm and wet, pulsing between his fingers.

Illumi was right. He was unfit to be anything other than an assassin, a beast in human form taking out those they were contracted to kill. Except… Killua was worse, wasn’t he? Jasper was… was his friend. He hadn’t said, hadn’t claimed it, until Illumi appeared but it didn’t detract from the truth. Gon was a brilliant blazing inferno, one that attracted the eye and attention. Jasper was subtler; a hot coal set close enough that one might or might not ignore it but once you held it you realized how precious it was. Killua had held it.

He’d held that warmth-

Literally.

Thump-thump. Thump-thump.

“Big Brother, you’re not allowed to stop working. Lunch isn’t for another half hour.”

Kalluto’s voice cut through the remembrance harshly making Killua’s lips twitch. His aching hands relaxed around the large brush, allowing blood to flow back turning the white skin a reddish pink. The jagged lines that came from sewing his hands back together flushed a vivid purple, a nasty reminder. He refused to look at his little brother, mockingly seated under a shaded tree while he suffered in the sun.

He wasn’t allowed to stop. Wasn’t allowed to think. Wasn’t allowed to remember. Wasn’t allowed to wallow.

His family had already learned their lesson when he collapsed after the torture. Normally punishments were nothing to him; routine. Taunt Milluki, take the pain, move on. But he hadn’t wanted to move on. He’d wanted that pain, that punishment. Each harsh strike of the whip set his tongue wagging sharply until Milluki truly was tearing strips from his hide in rage.

Killua still hadn’t been satisfied.

Mother and Father had been furious.

“Big Brother.”

“Tch.” 

He resumed the mind numbing task of dragging the brush through the thick coarse fur of the giant dog. It watched him lazily, panting under the heat of the high sun.

Hours upon hours upon hours of mindless slogging work.

At the end of the day Killua collapsed in his bed after having eaten poisoned food.

He wished for an end.

He wished to end his whole family.

He wished he didn’t relive that moment over and over and over in his dreams.

The fading light of his eyes-

It was a normal hit. Completed with ease. He looked coldly upon the faceless body before turning to his own horrified image and smirking.

The agonized curl of his face, the desperate clutch of his fingers against Killua’s wrist-

He stared dispassionately at his stained hand. He wondered how his father did it so bloodlessly.

Killua shuddered awake, already dreading the day. The room was filled with flat grey and blue colors that used to look vibrant to his eyes and were now dulled and meaningless. The moonlight leaked through the curtains just enough for him to gaze upon the visible ceiling. There was nothing there, empty as always and yet his gaze was riveted. He couldn’t turn to look anywhere else and didn’t care to.  Right now was going to be the only time he’d have a clear head for hours until right before lunch. His family had drugs and poisons down to an art. So, he laid there and he wallowed more because he wasn’t allowed at any other time. With a family member on him at all times to make sure his task was done there wasn’t any time to feel sorry for himself, sorry for the friend that he had murdered because he was a monster . 

Even now someone sat in a half meditative sleep only feet away from his bed. He didn’t know who it was. Didn’t want to think about it.

At least this was better than being tied down and forced to listen to his mother rant and drone on family rules, ethics, contracts and whatever else she wanted to try and stuff into his head. Ignoring it only works when she wasn’t so observant about him paying attention. Swats with a cane were nothing like the pain he wanted- deserved- but it was enough to bring him back from his mindless drifting. That- that day had been true torture. Two days of no sleep after trying to concuss himself in the medical wing (just to make the thoughts, the voices - his big brother - shut up) and then left with his mother for 24 hours straight would break anyone.

Even Killua.

He’d well and truly shattered at that point. Screaming and trying to hurt - himself, his mother, his family, the world.

He didn’t remember much of it… but what he did… He’d hated himself. Wanted to tear himself to shreds, make himself useless to the family so they’d show their true colors just like he’d shown his.

Mother knew how to fight, sure, but she wasn’t a combatant. He’d injured her- again- pretty easily, just enough to get away. Just enough to hide and tear his own hands to shreds with his teeth. His hands didn’t deserve to hold that warmth- didn’t deserve to hold anything again-

He was nothing more than a killer. He’d kill everything he’d ever loved and then himself.

Killua shuddered again, the soft feel of his blankets was grating against his skin. He wanted to throw them off, rend them to pieces- 

But noise would attract the butlers and awaken whoever was on watch duty and being awake before his schedule granted him a small reprieve for his thoughts to blossom; it’s flower red and sharp. He wanted the pain, he wanted the dark and ugly thoughts. How else was he to know himself, to remind himself of how he’d been raised as a tool? How he’d gone beyond Grandfather’s teachings and killed someone outside of contract? Just because he could. Just because Jasper was his friend.

He shuddered again, scrunching his eyes closed and trying to ignore the ache that settled in the front of his head.

He didn’t know how long he was there, ignoring, relishing, hating, craving the pain that throbbed inside his skull but eventually a butler opened the door and he knew it was just another day to slog through some assigned chore. Another day to ‘train’ the dexterity back into his ruined hands. Another day to be constantly surrounded…

He really wished he could just fall asleep and never wake up.

Zeno observed his grandson with a frown. Killua had been progressing nicely before. Perhaps he was a little rebellious but every heir tended to be; even Silva had been a handful when he was younger. That freedom was nurtured to a certain point as it allowed the Zoldyck heir to grow, to learn lessons beyond what could be taught in such a secluded place. Killua, of course, was a little more mutinous than expected but it was nothing that couldn’t be handled with a light touch. One Zeno had discussed himself with Silva time and time again and his son had come far in learning how to deal with his child. Killua needed freedom in certain areas and a firmer hand in others. It was a delicate balancing act made even harder by his daughter-in-law. Her vicious loyalty to the family was expected, encouraged even, but sometimes her madness was a little too sharp and she ended up cutting her children with it. It had happened with all of them, Illumi being the most harshly affected so far, and this time it had caused a problem they were finding difficult to fix. 

Zeno Zoldyck was old, he was tired, and he was very angry and disappointed in his eldest grandson. Illumi’s childish act in pushing Killua to kill someone he’d claimed as a friend had pushed the boy over an invisible precarious edge. Were Zoldyck’s meant to have connections outside of the family? Not technically, but that was a rule that was very loosely upheld. Of course, if your contact was influential it was looked upon with much more leeway, but in general the rule was rather lax. Even Illumi had that strange clown boy that he was close with (though the boy would never call it that). 

But, Zoldyck’s were trained to hold loyalty to the family above all and there was a careful regimen that was followed, tailored to each individual, to cultivate that loyalty. Sometimes outside influences played a part in that. If they had kept to the regimen, Killua would have been encouraged to cultivate those friendships while maintaining contact with his family about his whereabouts every now and then. Allowing those freedoms would have created a closer bond through gratefulness whether Killua would have realized or not and then they could work on slowly reeling him back into the family. It was something that his father, Zigg, had done with himself. Zeno had had time to enjoy the world before making the ultimate decision to come back to the family. He’d been planning to do the same with Killua.

And now this mess.

When Killua had first come home he’d looked like nothing more than one of Illumi’s empty puppets. His mother had greeted him with a flurry of tears, his father with a quiet welcome home, his brothers with taunting jeers. There had been no reaction.

That was the first red flag.

Silva had to assign punishment, of course, for attacking the family and it had been rather light. Four days in the dungeon testing pain tolerance through Milluki. His second eldest grandson was rather weak in body so they hadn’t expected Killua’s to force Milluki into a rage. With no reaction the first few days, no repentance at all, Silva had had to extend the punishment. Milluki had been delighted, taking pleasure in ‘teaching his bratty brother a lesson’. 

Zeno sighed softly as he watched the assigned butler strip his grandson and change out the bandages wrapped around his thin torso. With little more than taunts and irreverent attitude, Killua had pushed his older brother into flaying him, drawing upon a strength his fat grandson didn’t normally seem willing to display. When the whipping started cutting into important muscles, he’d stepped in personally as he sent his youngest grandson to retrieve Silva. His son hadn’t been any better off after seeing the state of the Zoldyck heir.

That was the second red flag.

Milluki was still smarting over the loss over all his game consoles and Zeno couldn’t fathom where they’d gone wrong with that one. If it wasn’t for his mechanical genius he’d be useless.

The butler moved on to the bandages on the boy's hands, rubbing a soothing cream into them, making sure to massage the barely healed purple scars. That event had been the third red flag. Kikyo had been so certain that it was the perfect time for Killua to be reminded of the family creeds and business. Zeno hadn’t been for it but Silva was willing to let his wife try. After trying to smash his head into the floor one too many times in an epic tantrum of rebellion, it had been decided that Killua would need restraints. So, they’d carefully tied him to a chair, making sure it was done in a way that he couldn’t cause damage to himself. 

That whole thing had been a mistake. 

It had led to an actual meltdown. One with severe consequences.

Killua’s hands had almost been beyond saving entirely. Their medics were some of the best in the world- they’d have to be to be working in the Zoldyck Estate- but even they could only do so much when he’d torn flesh from his hands in chunks and bitten through several of the bones before they finally found him on the roof.

So he was forced into another two days of recovery. By this point Killua was a simmering ball of hatred. Zeno could feel that rage constantly changing focus from inward to outward and he was rather worried the boy would do something stupid. Again.

So, he called a family meeting, excluding Illumi who he’d banned (with Silva’s support) from talking to the family at all besides Silva. The young man wasn’t even allowed to come home until they had Killua stabilized and Zeno had forbidden anyone from informing Illumi of what was happening as well. He didn’t need Illumi getting one of his obsessively protective ideas and ruining any progress they might make. 

The meeting had consisted of what he had gathered about his grandson’s mental state so far (not that much of it wasn’t obvious but it was best if every family member had the full picture) and he informed them he was going to test Killua by starting him on chores. The first of which was the most crucial: polishing in the armory. He also made sure to draw up a rotating schedule for each Zoldyck- with the exception of Milluki and Illumi- to be with Killua. He’d been hesitant to add Kikyo but in the end decided it would be counterproductive to her mental state to exclude her. He just made sure Gotoh was also always around so he could intercede as needed between the two.

The next day Zeno took Killua to his first assigned chore, making sure to carefully watch him. It was a test, one which Killua failed badly.

The beginning had been fine, Killua was bleary eyed- exhausted and drugged- and just started doing as he was told. So Zeno pushed a little harder, he stepped out of the room shortly to ‘speak’ with a butler. Perhaps, had he been a little more sound of mind Killua would have seen the ruse for what it was, but he wasn’t. And therefore, the boy ended up injuring himself again. It could have been worse if he hadn’t flitted back inside so quickly and ripped a dagger away from the boy’s neck. Which meant that Zeno had been right and they had a suicidal heir and that-

It was just-

Zeno felt every bit his age as he sat there and watched Killua be dressed and pulled from the bed to start the day.

Chapter Text

Leorio sighed as he dropped his suitcase at his feet, settling into the seat for the tour bus. It had been a very long week, an emotional rollercoaster that he hadn’t felt since… since Pietro. First, Jasper was going to actually send him into cardiac arrest if he kept pulling near death stunts. Second, Leorio needed to be stronger. He was still going to be a doctor- it was his life’s goal after all- but he’d learned that it wasn’t going to be enough going forward if he wanted to help his friends. Kurapika was stuck on some sort of revenge, Killua was a brat but he also had a good heart and he was trapped by a crap family, Gon was strong but also naively oblivious in the strangest ways, and Jasper seemed to die nearly every time he left the kid alone. Just one of them was enough to stress him out but all four of them? 

He had no idea how he was going to keep up.

Menchi passed by his seat and plopped herself on the bench next to his own. He took a moment and allowed himself to look again. On the upside he had a very beautiful lady to ogle… as long as he kept it to a minimum. She’d already threatened him about drooling over her and he’d rather not experience it again. So, he swept his gaze across her form, appreciating the curves she still had despite the very obvious muscles- and wow, her chest was eye-catching every time!- before he turned his attention elsewhere. The burning gaze that turned to the side of his face told him he’d looked away just in time.

Moments later, while Leorio was celebrating his successful glimpses of a beautiful lady ( and trying not to think about his heart-attack-inducing friends ), Kurapika sat next to him, settling his leather side bag on his lap. The Kurta’s eyes were as unfocused as they had been since they’d spoken with Harry (and he was still reeling over that revelation because- what?). In front of them, walking up the aisle were Gon and Jasper. Gon was excitedly chattering about what they could do while visiting Kukuroo Mountain while Jasper was yawning behind his hand, bleary eyes watching Gon bounce around. The two kids plopped onto the seats in front of Menchi- Gon closer to the window so he could shove his face into it- with two extremely different levels of enthusiasm. 

Leorio eyed them carefully. After that medical scare from Jasper, the boy had been rather quiet. He had explained to them what he’d done once Leorio had done his check up. It had been rather off-putting how cooperative Jasper had been considering every other time he was a terrible patient but when he’d heard why the boy was so distracted-

No one slept last night. After their early landing and brief stay in an emergency room (where Jasper was proclaimed fine) they’d needed to catch up on lost time and had decided to travel through the rest of the night. Thankfully, they’d already arrived in the Republic of Padokea so they just needed land transport which was easy to find with Menchi already well used to traveling. And so they spent their ride in silence, everyone pensive, tense, and tired. And now they were on the last bus of the day for the Kukuroo Mountain tour with a focus on the Zoldyck family.

So, no one had slept… but no one had asked any further questions of Jasper either. But they were all watching. Waiting. It was honestly the worst. Leorio didn’t deal well with stress very often. It made him lash out just to release some of the heavy pressure it built in his chest but he couldn’t do that here.

The bus tour was long, with an overly chirpy tour guide. She was cute, all round in the face with a dimpling smile, but Leorio just couldn’t find it in himself to appreciate her slender form when the Mountain loomed ever closer. 

And then they stopped way before their destination, blocked by towering stone gates.

His eye twitched, his jaw clenched-

And Jasper and Gon exited the bus nonchalantly ignoring the protesting tour guide-

Leorio deflated.

Kurapika couldn’t stop the whirling vortex that were his thoughts. His mind was a wreck of burning curiosity, frigid disappointment, and a whole other mess of sticky emotions and stray thoughts. It had taken him all night long just to get some semblance of control to try to deal with all the tangled threads.

He started with the disappointment because it was causing the most problems, his thoughts tainted by it, constantly returning to it. It was irrational to be disappointed that Jasper was not like the Kurta. Technically he hadn’t even confirmed that Jasper’s family wasn’t the same. Maybe they all had split personalities that changed their eye colors. It was highly doubtful but still a possibility. It was just a possibility that he didn’t want to put stock in (despite the tiny ember of hope-) because now he was just reaching. It wasn’t fair to lay the blame of his own disappointment at the boy’s feet either, because Jasper hadn’t done anything wrong, nor had Harry. It was just Kurapika’s own mind getting ahead of itself again. He’d thought he’d gotten rid of that habit and here it was popping up again. 

With that root of that problem identified he ruthlessly quashed the feeling (quashed the ridiculous hope-!) and moved onto the next item to be handled. His fear for Jasper during the episode was mixing with the old fear from the latest phase of the Hunter Exam. He’d thought he’d taken care of it, thought he had a handle on it, until the convulsions started. When Menchi had shot up from the other couch it had startled Kurapika. He had looked up from the table where he was reading a book, just in time to watch Jasper face plant while his body contorted in short painful spasms. His heart had lodged itself in his throat, the red of the couch seeming to ooze like blood as a flash of a dark fleshy hole appeared in his mind’s eye. He’d frozen then and that was unacceptable.

What if something like this happened again and he freezes at the wrong moment? What would it cost him? What would it cost the people around him?

He couldn’t afford to be haunted by Jasper’s problems as he was by the sorrowful cries of his clan’s desecrated eyes.

So, he tamped down on that feeling as well, forcefully shoving all of the panic, the fear, the adrenaline into a tiny box in the back of his mind. 

Then, he took a deep breath and moved onto the next feeling and the next and the next until all he was left with was a burning academic curiosity for Jasper’s unique situation. Harry had his own unique personality, seemingly a lot more subdued and mature than Jasper. Of course, he’d noticed that Harry’s attention had wandered. He was very coherent, offering information that even Jasper hadn’t had (which spawned a whole new cluster of questions) but he’d also been very inattentive. His eyes would flit over the people in the room before moving onto the walls and windows, then falling shut. Then the whole process repeated. It wasn’t just his eyes either, his foot kept tapping the arm of the couch, his fingers constantly scratched at the fabric, and his voice changed volume constantly, as if he were testing it.

Harry had mentioned that they’d been separated so maybe he hadn’t been able to experience being in control? But wouldn’t the second personality naturally know what it should be like? Harry acted like a foreign entity.  Of course, everything was just speculation but he couldn’t help but wonder…

He shook his head, focusing on the here and now. He would have plenty more chances to talk to Harry if he wished so he should really pay attention to rescuing Killua. It didn’t really help that he’d gotten no sleep last night. And that the touring guide kept trying to be ‘spooky’ but all she came across as was chirpy which was grating on his patience since she was causing him a headache. 

Of course watching the guard be shaken down by some unsavories that entered a side gate and was returned as only skeletons was enough to start the adrenaline pumping. He swallowed harshly and couldn’t help but feel a sense of dread settle over him.

Menchi sighed through her nose as she watched the green haired brat talk with the guard. The kid’s unnatural charisma was already working it’s charm and the gate guard, Zebro, had shown them the ‘true entry’. She took a moment to look over the gates in contemplation. She could probably open the second gate without any nen… but with it she might get to the fifth. Not that she was going to open the gates for them. She was here to keep an eye on her troublesome chosen apprentice, not do all the work for them.

And then Gon was claiming he’d climb over the walls and Jasper, who’d been quiet this whole time, chimed in a tired agreement.

Zebro looked them over with a laugh. The kids didn’t look like much (their whole group didn’t really but she’d noticed Zebro clock onto her nen very quickly) as tired and wrapped up in bandages as they were. And really, when compared to a family of assassins that was renowned the world over they weren’t much, but at least their determination could be admired. Zebro apparently agreed as he tried to get them entrance through the butlers. That didn’t exactly work out until Jasper plucked the phone from Gon’s hand while he was in the middle of yelling.

“Hello. My name is Jasper. Killua thinks he killed me, I’d like him to know otherwise.”

She gaped as did everyone else in the room.

“I see. Well… I’d be more than happy to show you the scar where his hand entered my chest but to do that you’d have to send someone to verify, right? We can wait.”

Jasper’s head tilted as he listened to the deep voice on the other line. Menchi couldn’t make out any words but she’d be damned if she wasn’t a little impressed (and afraid) of the very blunt, calm manner the kid was using. It was like he was having a chat about the weather when she knew he was talking about his own very close brush with death.

“Oh. Well, that’s unfortunate because we aren’t going to go away even if we have to fight our way to the main house. I need to speak to Killua-”

He stopped talking for a moment, his eyes widening as his lips pursed.

“You’re very rude, Mr. Gotoh. I wasn’t finished speaking. And if you try to hang up I will just keep calling back…. Thank you. As I was saying, I need to speak to Killua so he knows I don’t blame him. In fact, I am sure the whole thing was caused by his older brother. I don’t like him. He tried to kill me through his own little brother. It was very rude.”

This kid…

She hadn’t even realized she’d been shaking her head in disbelief until she caught Gon’s happy grin and the sight made her pause in incredulity. This was a Zoldyck butler and they were just- How- What the hell had she gotten herself involved in with this group?

Her hand came up to pinch

Everyone else looked no better than her, especially the gate guard who had completely frozen and was watching the whole thing with wide eyes.

“Then, if there’s nothing I can do to prove who we are through the phone… why can’t you come verify in person… I see…. Okay. Then we will prove ourselves by going through the gate and making our way to the main house. Please wait for us.”

After that whole conversation they ended up being taken through the gate by Zebro, who had them meet Mike (which was terrifying because she’d never met a Guard dog that large) and then took them to a small house where everything weighed over 20kg at least . Which was a perfect training opportunity and Menchi was absolutely delighted to be handed this opportunity on a silver platter.

 “You’re dismissed.”

Silva watched as Gotoh bowed before disappearing through a side door.

“What do you think, Father?”

“Illumi did confirm that the boy survived through some use of Hatsu.”

He hummed, leaning back on his favored chair. Killua had not been handling anything well and it hurt to see his son fall to such lows. Killua had a naturally strong spirit bolstered by his strength of will and curiosity. When he’d given Illumi permission to place a needle into his heir it had been in the hopes of tempering some of his natural wildness. It had worked, though he had started to form a sort of rebelliousness almost directly afterwards. Though not consciously aware of it, Killua had always rejected the presence of Illumi in his mind. Over time it had come to encompass his entire family and now Illumi had pushed in the exact wrong direction using it.

They had deliberated over telling him he hadn’t actually killed his friend but Silva had put it off until after his punishment was over. A mistake on his part because everything only went downhill from there. Every time a new opportunity would arise, Killua would plummet into a meltdown of some sort and Silva had decided that the information at this point would be detrimental without proof. How convenient then that the very boy himself had arrived at their estate.

Silva huffed. “Do you think he could help?”

“It’s a possibility,” his father said, tucking his hands behind his back and gazing at the dark ceiling thoughtfully.

“Let them prove themselves first,” he decided eventually. “They seem determined to make it up here on their own, so we will let them try.”

His father’s eyes closed as he bobbed his head. Good. They were in agreement.

Jasper wheezed as he ran from the knives that Menchi was throwing. Wearing a heavy vest was not conducive to running and yet he was not allowed to take it off. He was all for training but this was more like a form of hell!

Constant Vigilance, Harry barked.

Jasper yelped and tumbled forward into a hasty roll to dodge another knife. When he popped back up- stumbling because his center of gravity was all thrown off with this blasted vest- he couldn’t help but gulp when he noticed it had sheared straight through one tree and was stuck in the one behind it, leaving a hole in the first.

Quit staring and run!

He hastily complied, absolutely hating every moment of this. Gon was cheering him on from the sidelines, which while nice, was absolutely no help when trying to listen for the whistle of the knife. He barely ducked away from the next one, receiving a thin slice on his forearm from just the wind around the blade. He stared at the scratch and groaned in dismay.

“Ten minutes. Not bad, runt.” Jasper practically collapsed on the spot, panting heavily when Menchi stepped in front of him. Her hands were on her hips and her lips were stretched in a sunny grin. “Alright. I’ve seen what I’ve got to work with physically so now I need to see your nen.”

“When,” he hissed, “did I- agree to- this?”

“You mean, you don’t want to get stronger?”

He groaned and flopped onto his back while she snickered at him. The dirt was cold and the sun was blindingly hot above them. The morning mists had long been burnt away and he really wished they’d come back so he could at least try to hide in it from this crazy lady.

She’s not wrong Jasper. Getting stronger is always a good thing in this world.

“Shut up, Harry.”

“That was really good, Jas,” Gon exclaimed plopping down right beside him, his arm tucked tight to his vested chest. Everyone- bar Menchi and the guards- were wearing one to help increase their physical strength. They were heavy, suffocating, and his was far too big for him (though Gon was faring little better) which was just annoying all around.

“No, it wasn’t,” he huffed.

Menchi laughed, still standing over him, though now she was bent down to stare him in the eyes. “Sure it was. Keep in mind you're a starved waif that has had multiple traumatic medical problems recently. Now come on. It’s lunch time!”

She straightened back up and knocked her foot against his shoe, making him grunt and pull his leg away. Her lips twitched but she only spun and sauntered away back towards the little cottage they’d been staying in for the last few days.

“It really was cool,” Gon hummed beside him when Jasper didn’t budge from his spot. “You’re already doing a lot better than when you first put the vest on and you can bend really far,” he laughed. “I didn’t know guys could do the splits.”

Jasper snorted suddenly, unsure why the thought of Gon trying to do the splits was so funny. “I didn’t know I could do that either, you know.”

With how out of practice you are, I’m surprised you could do it too, Harry cut in dryly.

Gon turned and grinned sunnily at him, stopping him from replying to Harry with the force of his smile alone. He was almost dazed by the sheer innocent happiness in it. “Whoah.”

Agreed.

Gon just tilted his head, grin still firmly in place. “What?”

Jasper took a moment to blink before responding. “Your smile is dangerous. You could probably kill with it.”

The grin dimmed somewhat in confusion before Gon burst out laughing, his legs tossed in the air, kicking with mirth. The brunette fell back into the dirt, his head landing close enough to Jasper’s that he could hear the whuff of air as it was displaced beside him. “You can’t kill with a smile, silly!”

“Yes, you can. People would be so distracted by it they’d walk right off a cliff! Or into a monster’s lair! It’s that dangerous!”

They both started laughing (though Jasper was entirely serious).

Kurapika eventually came out to drag them to lunch.

With Seaquant taking his shift at the gate, Zebro was able to stay home and watch the progress of Killua’s friends. He was quite impressed with their quick advancement. The tall one was well built and took to muscle training like a duck to water, the blonde one was less suited it to it but seemed very determined to get every drop of training he could without overtaxing himself, and the Hunter they brought with them wasn’t really training herself but one of the kids (and the other by technicality). While the teens and younger adults were impressive, the kids… Well, he could certainly see why Master Killua had taken to calling them friends. He had a fierce hope that these boys would be able to assist the young master in his recovery.

Gon had suffered a broken bone but he wasn’t letting that stop him, hopping into any activity he could get away with to help him get stronger. The little boy was bright and happy, full of an innocence that was rarely seen anywhere near the Zoldyck family and it did Zebro’s heart good to be around the boy. Gon would be the light that could wash away the shadows on the young master’s soul.

Now, Jasper… that one was a tougher nut to crack. He could clearly see the smallest of the group had his own trauma’s and issues but he’d come for the young master regardless. 

Everyone on the estate had been made aware of this situation in vague terms at the very least. Zebro himself was given a little more information in case Master Killua had tried to run, but even he was mostly left in the dark. Before this group’s arrival he’d only known that something traumatizing had happened to debilitate their young master. Knowing what he did know, he could certainly see why. Zebro had never directly asked but from conversations around the cabin and the initial phone call to the Head Butler Gotoh, he’d been able to piece together quite the sad tale. Master Killua had struck his own friend down because of Master Illumi and in his rush to get away from his pain, was not aware that young Jasper had survived. 

Zebro had seen the scar only once when the two boys had fallen into the creek and had to be fished out. The vests and clothes had come off to dry and he’d seen the cratered flesh right above the boy’s heart. It dipped inwards, and was a splotchy light purple. That wasn’t the only scar, of course. There were several on his arms- one being a distinctive handprint- and quite a few elsewhere. One of the more prominent ones was on his belly almost entirely circling it- as if he’d nearly been bisected- the same purple color as the one over his heart. The rest seemed much smaller in comparison to those two and they were an old silvery color. He possibly could have gotten a better look but he wanted to be polite (and he was distracted by the particularly skeletal look that denoted long periods of starvation) so he’d only ushered the boys into the bath quickly and then left.

And now, after having seen the weight of the boy’s past in the form of his scarred skinny body, he was getting a front row seat to his nen training. This boy was anything but weak, a survivor in his own right and his nen was only proof. First he’d been tested on bringing out his Ten, and once he’d mastered that within only minutes he was moved onto his Ren. Already the boy’s Ren was a match for Zebro’s own which had come as a pleasant surprise. If he had such levels when he was still so weak in body, what would he be like when he was healthier, stronger, more honed?

The young master had chosen well for his friends indeed.

Kalluto frowned as he watched the testing gate open. He’d wandered further from home than he’d thought. Just off of a shift from watching his big brother, he’d not wanted to go back to the manor just yet. Everything there was always tense now and he wanted to lash out at the cause but he couldn’t pinpoint it. Could he blame Big Brother Killua? Yes. But every time he looked at his brother he looked so hollow that it actually made Kalluto’s chest tighten painfully. Could he blame his mother? … After thinking long and hard about the situation… yes. Though he’d never say so aloud. Mother had only worsened the whole problem so she did share part of the blame. Could he blame Milluki? Certainly, but his older brother was already being punished and Kalluto just preferred not being around him in general. Overall, it was a mess of a situation and he just needed to be away from it all.

So, here he was watching the gate open, with one of the gate guards watching behind them. Normally, he would take them out himself for a little bit of stress relief but he remembered Grandfather mentioning that there might be guests… Actual guests.

He flicked his eyes over to the young butler standing at attention next to him, tapping his fan to his mouth in thought. He’d run into her not even a minute ago while she was walking the perimeter as one of her assigned tasks for the day. They hadn’t even spoken beyond a brief greeting before the gates had started shifting. If this were a normal day he would immediately alert Mother so she could come assess their guests but after recent events with Mother very depressed and only really talking to Father that didn’t seem to be an option. He was left with a butler, himself, and strange people that might technically be welcome. Attacking guests was very poor manners so-

“Canary.”

The butler turned her head slightly in acknowledgment, the rest of her body staying taut. “Yes, Master Kalluto?”

“I believe…” He paused, unsure how to continue for a moment. He was never the one to take charge, not really being allowed to since Mother kept him close. He didn’t have orders for this situation. He tapped his lips again before speaking. “That you should hold these ‘guests’ while I alert Grandfather of their arrival. They might be… our expected guests but for now, until proven otherwise, they do not have permission to proceed. Is that understood?”

She turned her head, bowing it in acknowledgment. “As you say, young master.”

“Good.”

He gave her a decisive nod and took off at a slower run towards the manor. He dearly hoped that his orders would be well received when he reported. He didn’t want to let any intruders up to the manor and if they were the guests… it wouldn’t hurt to have a spar before being brought to the estate, right?

Chapter Text

She watched him go down. And get back up. And go down. And get back up.

A horrifying repetition over and over and she just wanted the boy to stop so she could stop hurting him. Canary sucked in a deeper breath as she lashed out again watching the boy fall again . By now his green shorts were covered in dirt along with his green jacket, his face was swollen and blood dripped down from his lips and a cut above one eye. And yet, he still pulled himself up, amber eyes burning with determination as he stepped forward again.

She knocked him down again, heart clenching painfully in her chest. These were Master Killua’s friends and she did not want to hurt them. In fact she’d rather drag them up there herself so they could help-

But her duty could be cruel and she had orders to waylay them.

Her eyes swept over the others in the group noting their stony expressions. They were unmoving from the moment this whole spectacle started and she needed to know why they were letting this happen. Why couldn’t they stop him, this boy who wouldn’t stay down?

“Be reasonable,” she cried finally, unable to stand it. “This is getting you nowhere! And you! You’re his friends, why aren’t you helping!?”

The smallest of the group, another child like her young master, huffed and looked away sharply, glaring into the treeline. But the other three… They were unmoving, their eyes set and unshakeable in their resolve. The tallest of them had his arms crossed, mouth set into a thin line looking for all the world like an immovable mountain. The blonde one was the same, looking to be carved from marble for all that the breeze gently shifted his hair and clothes. The woman looked more like a caged predator, head cocking this way and that as if searching for a weakness and the nen radiating off of her was surprisingly still compared to her body.

It was entirely unnerving and she stepped back at the sheer wall of radiating intensity.

The small green one immediately took advantage, rushing forwards and snapping his fist into the stone of the wall beside her. It shattered, scratching across her face in pebbles as she fought to control her limbs, to push forward, push him back and yet she was frozen.

“Well,” the boy spoke, “I stepped over the line.”

Her mouth parted but words would not come. What could she say to him? She didn’t want to know how long she could be here, testing, and shoving, and knocking him over.

“We came here to see Killua. So, why!? Why won’t you let us pass?”

Her bottom lip quivered and she swallowed harshly to quell the reaction. He stared at her from his swollen bloodied face. His eyes were flat, but not unkind; an analytical gaze staring at her as if he could see to the very core of her. And who could say this little boy couldn’t? She’d never met anyone like this, anyone that could befriend Master Killua in such a short time.

“You’re not like Mike,” he continued when she could not force herself to speak. “No matter how much you try to hide it behind masks… you have feelings. When I said Killua’s name, for just a moment- your eyes gave the impression of gentleness.”

And what could she do when she was so thoroughly noticed but to cry out for help. “Please,” her voice cracked but she pushed through it because- because this boy was nothing like Master Killua and everything that he needed- this boy could help- “Please save, Master Killua.”

A heavy hand landed on her shoulder and she stiffened horrified at her weakness. The Master was here and she had just begged help from outsiders. She had just-

“Apologies,” Master Zeno hummed. “We were waiting for you to make your own way but I believe it would do my grandson good to see you now. My name is Zeno Zoldyck and I will be escorting you the rest of the way.”

The green boy, the one that didn’t know how to quit-

He stared at Master Zeno with the same look he’d turned on Canary herself. Her breath caught in her chest but the man standing at her side did not move until the boy himself bobbed his head in a nod. 

The atmosphere lightened and Canary felt as if she could breathe again. It hadn’t been bloodlust, nor killing intent, nor nen- all of those she could face with no issues. But this one boy? She couldn’t face down his stare without trembling…

Master Zeno seemed unaffected, instead turning and leading the way back up to the main manor. His arms were crossed behind his back and his back was hunched in a familiar manner. The only signs of stress that she could make out was the quickness to his steps. Perhaps to an outsider it wouldn’t be noticeable but as one familiar with the Zoldyck habits, Canary knew that things were not good. Why had Master Zeno himself come down?

Before she could think on it further -before she could spiral into fretting- the other boy that was with them trotted up to her side watching her with curious eyes. Now that he was closer she could make out that one was blue and the other green. She’d thought it had been a trick of the lighting making one appear lighter than the other.

He blinked at her and she blinked back.

At her back she’d been bracketed by the others and to avoid having to awkwardly go around them, she started walking with the group as well.

“Why’s your skin so dark?”

Her foot almost missed the next step.

That was not what she was expecting him to say!

“I was born like this,” she responded after a moment. A glance at Master Zeno showed that he did not mind them conversing. Or that she was apparently coming with them even though she hadn’t finished her perimeter rounds. Gotoh was going to be very upset with her but… they were going to Master Killua and she hadn’t seen him since being admitted to the infirmary the first time. (And that she had to specify a first time made her want to cry.)

“Jasper,” the tall man spluttered, squeezing close to her, apparently not minding that she’d beaten one of their own repeatedly and was a butler to an assassin family. “You can’t just ask things like that!”

“Why not?” the smaller boy responded petulantly.

“It’s not- you can’t-”

“I’ve always wondered that too!” The cheerful insertion came from the green boy who was allowing the blonde to carefully wipe his face as they walked. “Like, Kurapika and Killua are so white! And I’m sort of gold but you, Miss, you’re dark brown! I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone that dark except for this one guy in the Hunter Exams!”

Her lips twitched as the sheer innocence pouring off of the two boys while the older group of three looked exasperated. The entire energy was completely different from earlier and it was amazing to see how they interacted now compared to when she was forced to do her duty. The younger ones walked side by side, close enough their hands were probably brushing. The nen user still had that predatory air about her but it was dulled now, more of a mother cat instead of a huntress chasing prey. The blonde one was still trying to clean the grinning child in green and the tall one was looming over her shoulder as if she were somehow part of this strange pack of people as well. It was slightly heartwarming.

 “I believe it has something to do with colored pigments in your skin when you’re born,” she answered after seeing their expectant gazes and when no one else says anything.

“Does that mean you could be born green?”

“No way, Gon! Green only shows up when people are rotting or something! If you’re born green you’d have to be rotting!”

“Ew! But can you be rotting and alive? Don’t you have to be dead for that?”

“People can rot alive! There used to be this old guy who lived by this giant pile of scrap metal near the house. He was really nice but his whole arm was green and drooly from rotting. He couldn’t use it anymore.”

Canary frowned minutely. She only knew of one disease that had the symptoms of green pus precluding rot and it was quite specific to Meteor City. It was something about the bacteria in the contaminated soil that necrotized the skin by liquifying the subdermal layers green first. Once the blisters started forming visibly on the skin it already meant that the muscles underneath were starting to necrotize. For him to describe it as drooly probably meant that the man’s arm was already dead on the inside, the muscles having rotted away before bursting through the pustules on the surface.

She forcibly turned her thoughts away from those disgusting memories, trying instead to understand more about the boy that had glared at her but refused to step in on his friend’s behalf.

Two colored eyes…

A (most likely) Meteor City child…

Why did this sound so familiar?

The bickering between the boys continued all the way up to the main house. Canary did not speak again, though, far too busy trying to remember what she was forgetting.

Silva watched his son quietly. Seated so closely to him, Killua looked small and frail. His white hair had a limp quality to it even though it was cared for consistently by the staff. His shoulders matched his hair with a heavy slump that curved his back in a way that his heir had never consciously done. Tucked against the pillows of Silva’s favorite couch he looked even smaller than his actual age would suggest, downcast eyes only adding to the overall pitiful image.

They hadn’t reapplied his dosage at lunch in preparation for his friend’s possible arrival, so the boy was clear of mind and yet-

He sighed through his nose. “Killua, will you not even talk to me?”

There wasn’t a response which was expected if not what he would have preferred. Forcing his son to talk would only exacerbate the situation but to sit here in silence was… uncomfortable. It wasn’t a very common feeling for the Head of the Zoldyck family and he’d rather it went away but as the past few meltdowns had shown… dealing with Killua was delicate and took much more forethought than anything else.

“Well… perhaps you’ll listen to me instead,” he said quietly, throwing an arm over his knee as he tucked his leg up, foot resting on the metal edge of the couch, not quite dangling. “Once, a long time ago a hard headed young boy was taught the way of the assassin. His emotions ran deep and his control had always been in question. The boy needed the discipline that was being taught from the way provided. And as such… he taught this way to all of his children.” 

He paused to take a steadying breath and glance at his son. Killua was, unsurprisingly, unmoved. Silva continued anyway. “It was my own folly. Perhaps I was too overzealous… perhaps I did not give enough attention to my children individually. Whatever the case may be, it is my fault that this has happened to you and for that… I apologize, Killua.”

There was a slight twitch which Silva took as a sign of progress. He waited again, longer this time, but there was still no response. He had no more to say though, so he went back to observing. Time passed by in a crawl but neither Zoldyck moved.

His father entered the room quietly and Silva’s eyes slid over to him.

“Kalluto has confirmed that we have guests. I’ll be going to retrieve them.”

He gave a single nod, watching Killua peripherally. White brows furrowed as his chin tilted up, dull eyes staring at his grandfather in confusion. Zeno did not speak to the boy, only exiting the room without a sound.

SIlva knew that time was running out. He had a decision to make.

“Killua.”

The boy’s head drooped again.

“Killua.”

Blue eyes flicked in his direction.

He tilted his head, taking in the flat expression on his son’s face but… what initially looked like dull, faded eyes held the beginnings of absolute seething hatred.

He made up his mind.

With one hand he plopped his fingers on top of Killua’s hair and ran his fingers through it so he had a good grip. Then he yanked back, eliciting a squeak of displaced air from his son as his other hand lanced forward. When he pulled it back there was a needle in his hand and blood dripping down Killua’s ashen cheeks.

Silva leaned back to his original position, eyeing the needle in his hands. All of this trouble due to this small little thing. He should have never approved it. He should have paid more personal attention to his heir. He should have done a lot of things, truly. But events in the past could not be changed and he would just have to deal with the future as it happened. Mistakes were made to be learned from and Silva had most certainly learned to be more careful with Killua going forward.

“Illumi cannot intrude in your mind again unless you let him,” he said solemnly, flicking the needle away.

Killua’s wide eyes followed it, one of his hands brushing against his bloodied forehead disbelievingly. “That- That was- Big brother’s…?”

Silva shifted his leg back down to the floor slowly. This was the first time he might be able to actually talk to his son and he wasn’t going to let the opportunity slip through his fingers so easily. “You’ve always been strong, Killua, but never cold-hearted.”

The pre-teen’s hands started trembling even as tears built in his eyes. “I held his heart.”

The whispered confession was warbled and gritty, a dark secret from Son to Father. Silva accepted it gracefully with only a nod. “Will you tell me about your friends?”

Gon stared at the door in anticipation, Jasper’s fingers clenched tightly with his own. With the rest of the group waiting in- what the old man had called- the foyer, Jasper and himself were led further into the building to meet with Killua. The old man, Zeno, had told them when they had first entered the house that Killua had not been doing well. They only wanted one or two people to greet him at a time, preferably Jasper first because he was the one that needed to be seen the most. Gon had refused to be left behind.

Now they were waiting outside of the door where Killua and apparently his father were waiting for them. 

“What if he freaks out at me,” Jasper whispered quietly. “He thinks I’m dead and… what do I even say? I’m not- not mad at him-”

“Then tell him that,” he responded, not even looking away from the door. “Why ask silly questions when you could just say what you’re thinking?”

“Heh. You’re right. I wanted to have natural reactions to him so I should just act naturally.”

Gon grinned, squeezing Jasper’s hand briefly. Not even a moment later the old man slipped out into the hallway with them. His eyes were serious and sad… but overall Gon thought the old guy seemed really tired. He didn’t really care about that right now, though, because Killua was right there and if he didn’t get to see him soon Gon was going to vibrate right out of his boots. Apparently sensing his mood Zeno huffed, a small smirk pulling at the corner of his mouth.

“Be gentle with my grandson.”

Gon and Jasper nodded and they were let into the room.

The first person he saw was a very large man wearing purple martial arts clothes sitting on a pile of pillows that were sat up against a large metal bench-looking couch. His white-blond hair shimmered in the dull blue lighting of the room and seemingly glowing blue cat eyes were fascinating enough that Gon did not immediately notice the smaller figure almost hidden behind the much much larger man. The extremely large guard hound sleeping next to the man, wearing a strange metal helmet on it’s head also didn’t help. Nor did the weird strung-up figures that looked like some strange half-built mechanical dolls.

But when he did notice-

“KILLUA!”

Gon launched himself across the room, Jasper halfway forgotten in his joy over seeing his other friend. When he was close enough to see panic in the small assassin's eyes, Gon screeched to a stop, arms twitching at his sides. No matter how much his friend was radiating loneliness, pain, and ‘help me!’ Gon had the strongest feeling he shouldn’t touch. Something about the way Killua clutched his hands together, tucking them against his chest screamed at him not to glomp his friend like he very much wanted. 

(Also maybe he was slightly wary of the now awake dog that was staring at him with one eye in the corner of his vision.)

“Gon!? Wha- Why? What are you doing here!?”

Gon frowned in confusion and a slight bit of offense. “We came for you, duh!”

“We?”

“Well, yeah! Kurapika and Leorio are outside and-”

“And me,” Jasper said loudly, nervously from behind him, eyeing the dog that had shifted his head with a growl.

Killua tensed, cheeks draining of any remaining color. His breath came in short pants as the assassin turned his head ever so slowly towards Jasper and Gon looked over as well, cocking his head to study the dynamic between them. Jasper was still very obviously nervous but he was standing tall, eyes wide and alert as he turned his full focus on Killua. In return, Killua seemed to be terrified, which… was not exactly the reaction they were hoping for.

Suddenly, Gon understood that when Old Man Zeno had said ‘not well’ he hadn’t meant physically sick and it made Gon's heart ache. Something serious had happened, something serious enough that Killua had new scars splashed across his hands in purple crescent shapes, something serious enough that there were two adults actively watching their reunion. His hand shot up to clutch at his jacket over his heart as it beat more painfully with every second that passed, every second that new and horrible thoughts entered his mind.

“Nutty…?” It was no more than a whisper, something he was sure he would have missed if he wasn’t so close.

Jasper’s lips twitched. His brows furrowed. “That’s what you call me!? What kind of nickname is that!”

Everyone stared for a moment before Killua broke down sobbing.

Gon glanced at the two adults in a panic. Normally, he’d just use a hug to comfort but there was still something blaring at him that touching was a no-go. Neither Old Man Zeno nor the cat-eyed man (who he assumed was Killua’s father) made any moves to provide comfort but they were watching the scene like hawks. Super unhelpful!

“Gon, sit on him.”

He jumped and stared at Jasper who was watching with an unreadable look in his eyes. The green one was starting to slightly glow which was new. Did that mean Harry was more present? Could Harry even be more present without fully coming out?

“I’m going to try something and it’s either going to work or end very badly. So I need your help. Sit on him.”

Well, the adults still weren’t doing anything so… “Right.”

He judged the best way to do it with minimal injuries if Killua lashed out. Then he plopped on the boy’s lap, his knees taking most of his weight as they sank to the bottom of the pillows against the unmoving metal that made up the very strange couch. As Killua’s legs were loosely crossed Gon was able to fully trap his friend’s lower half which made the boy jerk back and buck but Gon was firmly seated and wouldn’t be moved easily. His arms he kept loosely in front of him but he didn’t restrict Killua any further than that.

The white haired boy was now hiccuping in distress, his muscles tense and quivering. It looked like he was trying to speak but all that would come out was a croaking. Gon was frowning now, watching every move carefully. Jasper came into his peripheral, eyeing the larger man beside them who still made no move to leave or even shift over to give them more space. His older friend huffed and turned back to Killua. They stood (and sat) there unmoving for a while, letting Killua exhaust himself. It took far longer than it would a normal person but eventually the tears stopped and Killua was breathing somewhat normally again. His blue eyes were drooping and his hands were still clenched to his chest, fingers interlocked to keep them from doing anything.

“You’re afraid to touch me, aren’t you?”

The question startled Killua who turned to look at Jasper again, that same hysteria from before building and falling and building in his eyes.

“It’s why you haven’t moved your hands at all. You won’t touch Gon either, will you?”

Jasper’s eyes were intense, laser focused on the child assassin and Gon watched quietly. It made sense, what Jasper was saying. Killua had really hurt Jasper so now he was super afraid to do it again.

“That’s dumb,” Gon scoffed. “You wouldn’t hurt us!’

He got a look of incredulity for that one.

“Gon is right! It wasn’t you! It was your stupid older brother!” Here Jasper paused and squinted his eyes, turning back to the adults suspiciously. Then his chin dipped and Gon felt the determination wafting off of his older friend. “I’d be a better big brother, so I’m going to steal you.”

It was a bold statement and Gon agreed wholeheartedly. “Yeah! I’ll help,” he laughed, grinning in the face of Killua’s disbelief. 

“Gon! Hug him!”

“Kay!”

This time he didn’t hesitate, lunging forward to wrap his arms around his best friend. Killua protested noisily, squirming beneath him but Gon held on ever tighter. Then there was a body at his back, hands wrapping around him to clutch at the shirt near Killua’s ribs.

“I don’t mind waiting for you to touch me,” Jasper said quietly. “But you should know I was never mad at you. I forgive you.”

“You- you-” Killua’s voice was strangled and croaky still but he was speaking which was always a good thing! “You can’t- can’t remember…”

“Oh! Aha! Untrue,” Jasper responded with false cheer. He was actually radiating nerves against Gon’s back so Gon just hummed deep in his chest to soothe both of his friends. “You fixed that actually! Or well getting hurt fixed that technically- See, I had something blocking my memories and the Hunter’s were able to fix it in the hospital so now I can make new memories. Remembering old ones is dangerous apparently according to Harry. Oh! You haven’t met Harry-”

Jasper talked and talked and talked and talked for a good few hours. He spoke of Harry, he spoke of nen and training with Miss Menchi, he spoke of some of his family members that he thought Killua might get along with and others that Gon might like more, and eventually he confessed via Harry’s comments that Jasper had mental breakdowns and flashbacks too. So, Jasper and Harry understood how Killua felt and they said that it was okay because they were still here and they were going to continue being there.

The whole time Killua’s father and grandfather were quiet observers, almost completely forgettable except for their physical presence and even then they seemed to fade into the background. Gon was a little jealous of how easy they were able to achieve that state compared to when he did it in the Hunter Exams.

When Jasper's voice grew too rough and dry to continue speaking, Killua had finally started leaning into Gon’s hold, his breaths deep and even. He almost would have thought the boy was asleep except he spoke, “Well… now we know you’re an actual nutcase with a voice in your head.”

Jasper jolted in offense, his hands tugging at Killua’s shirt pressing him further into Gon. “Excuse you! Harry is real, you jerk!”

“Never said he wasn’t,” Killua chuckled. And Gon took that for the victory that it was.

“You have good friends, Killua.”

All three of them startled, turning towards the large man at their side. Blue slitted eyes stared back at them in contemplation, gentleness softening the corners. Gon knew at that moment that Killua’s father did care, he actually cared quite a lot… and so what happened next wasn’t all that surprising.

Slowly and carefully, a large hand settled over fluffy white, fingers carding gently through the locks. Jasper’s arms tightened but he was otherwise unmoved when Killua’s father leaned forward to address his son. “You are a Zoldyck, Killua. You are my son. But above all that you’re you. Live your life how you want to live it. When you’re fed up, you can come back, okay?”

Killua’s voice was soft and disbelieving again when he asked, “Come… back?”

The man’s mouth tilted slightly at the corners. “You want to go with your friends, don’t you?”

“Yeah… Yes. I do.”

“Alright. You’re free to leave but promise me something first. Never betray your friends.” 

Killua’s father bit his thumb hard enough to bleed and offered it to Killua with a solemn face. Gon pulled himself away slightly, just enough for Killua to move his hands if he wanted. It took a moment but eventually his friend did end up unlatching his hands and bringing one up to his mouth, biting down.  Their thumbs pressed together and Gon was fascinated by the concept of swearing on blood. Did that make it more important than even a promise?

Could they do that with Killua too to make him feel better about leaving with them?

“I promise.” His voice was strong now, almost like the Killua he’d met before the whole Jasper mess. “I will never betray my friends.”

Then Killua tucked his face into Gon’s neck, the back of his injured hand resting lightly against his green jacket.

Chapter Text

Somehow, a short time after Killua had quietly greeted the rest of their group, Jasper found himself sitting at a dinner table in an overly fancy dining room. The room itself was made with darker stones complemented by lighter grey marble and gold decorations on the ceilings. Each corner had the support of a pillar and wrapped around those were shimmering statues of monsters. Closest to him was a golden dragon that seemed almost alive in the flickering candlelight of the large, overly intricate black metal chandelier that hung above the table. Next to that was a dark green cat looking beast with stripes of black across it’s whole hide. Diagonal to Jasper’s own corner seat at the beautifully polished dark wooden table, was a pillar that had a brilliantly red bird with exceedingly long tail feathers that had caught and held Harry’s attention when they had first walked into the dining room. The last pillar looked as if it was supporting a creature made entirely of spines, it’s obsidian form hiding in the shadow of the pillar so Jasper couldn’t get the best look at it.

The plates that had been set before him were polished silver, the goblets jewel encrusted gold, the napkins made of a cloth so fine it caught on the rough skin of his fingers. Everything in here was a show of wealth that made his finger’s itch to grab what he could and run. He bit his lip as food sat in front of him smelled absolutely amazing but he knew it would do absolutely nothing for him.

Next to him Menchi was already leaning forward and poking at the food, muttering soft criticisms under her breath. He wondered how she could tell the meat temperature just by looking at it.

On his other side, sitting at the end of the table, Gon was practically drooling over his food. Killua next to Gon and across from Jasper was staring at his plate, his gaze unwavering and the frown on his mouth heavily set. Next to Killua was the old man that sent every hair on the back of Jasper’s neck standing on edge. The man was practically wrapped in a deceptively soft layer of power that Jasper just knew could fill this stupidly rich dining room if the man let it. When he’d first seen the guy, he’d appeared out of nowhere, hand settling on Canary’s shoulder. That kind of speed… was monstrous and it had made him wary. Not that it would stop him from stealing the man’s grandson into his own family.

Next to him was a rather fat guy, his pale peach shirt straining against his bulk. His cheeks were chubby enough to force his already small eyes into a narrow stare. Combined with his grumpy stature and sulky frown, he looked like a moody asshole and Jasper decided he wanted nothing to do with him. Next to the asshole who looked like he wanted to be anywhere but there sat a pretty girl, her black hair cut in a bob around her jaw, the bangs stopping just shy of her eyes. She wore a pretty silk dress looking thing, dark in color with stylized stars trailing down the elongated sleeves and the lower half of the fabric beneath the middle wrap piece. 

Sitting in the last seat on that side of the table was a woman who was dressed rather fancily. He could see even from all the way across the table that the fabric was a sort of red velvet that blended into multiple layers of frills and lace at her forearm. The lace covered all the way to her wrist leaving pale long fingered hands to delicately hold her silverware. Her long nails seemed to cause her no issues and Jasper thought it was very weird to watch how controlled and fluid her movements were. And then there was that strange visor across her eyes with the red dot that shifted from each occupant across the table from her. So strange.

Silva, as he’d introduced himself on the way to the dining hall, was sitting at the end of the table, his cat-like eyes sweeping across the table to make sure everything was going smoothly… probably. Either that or he was assessing their threat level (which was pretty low) because this man was able to evoke the same feeling as Killua’s Grandfather.

While the woman (possibly Killua’s mother?) took up one seat on Silva’s left, the right side had an empty chair, followed by Kurapika, then Leorio who was happily seated next to Menchi.

Finished with his brief evaluation of the table’s occupants, he turned towards his food and started poking it while everyone quietly dined around him. The meat practically fell apart when he poked it and the vegetables looked mushy. His mouth tilted and he huffed when Menchi turned to fully face him, daggers in her eyes. Obviously the meal was approved if she was glaring at him to eat it. So he did. Quickly. Trying to get the mush out of his mouth as soon as possible.

He tried to be quiet while doing it because breaking the silence just seemed awkward. Even Harry was keeping quiet and nobody would hear him if he spoke to Jasper. Thankfully, not much later, everyone was finished and the plates were collected by a bunch of butlers (one of which was Canary who collected Killua’s plate with a solemn air).

“Dessert will be along shortly,” Silva rumbled, resting his cheek on his fist which was supported by his elbow on the table.

“Dear… you- you can’t honestly be thinking of letting this happen,” the woman said only a moment later, her voice akin to metal screeching against metal to Jasper’s ears. Was Silva breaking the silence permission for everyone else to speak or something? “Everything that he needs is here and these ruffians know nothing-!”

“Kikyo. Be quiet.”

She didn’t. “I’m his mother! I know we just need more time-”

“ Kikyo. ”

Her teeth snapped shut audibly at the audible threat in Silva’s words. Jasper shivered, his hands shaking as he clenched them beneath the table. There was something prodding the back of his mind, something unpleasant, something redredredred -

Calm Jasper. You can’t afford to have a flashback right now. Keep calm and I’ll deal with the intrusive thoughts, okay?

Okay. Calm. He could do that.

“Killua will be going with his friends,” Silva was saying. “But I will not leave him entirely without protection. In fact, Kalluto has already agreed to accompany his brother.”

The girl across the table practically preened despite her stoic face as Killua’s mother, Kikyo let out a short sound reminiscent of a kettle and snapped the fan that she’d kept next to her plate. Killua also had an adverse reaction, his glare turning to his father as he let out an incredulous, “What!?”

Silva was unfazed as was Zeno even as everyone else at the table had their own little reactions that ranged from confusion to a quiet tantrum (in the case of Kikyo). Zeno just turned to Killua and stared at him, his gaze apparently the only thing needed to keep the child assassin from leaping from his seat as Silva continued speaking. “As much as I’d like to let you go on your own Killua,” the boy’s father addressed his fuming son, “you’re still recovering and there is no one I’d trust more to look out for you than a family member. Hence, your little brother will be keeping an eye on you while you travel with your friends.”

Wait. Brother? Little brother implied younger than Killua but the only one that fit that box was-

The girl.

Who’s chin was tilted higher and her… his shoulders pulled back in pride.

He didn’t know boys could be so pretty.

Killua’s younger brother sputtered, turning a heated glare onto Jasper and he realized that he’d accidentally said that out loud. Harry was laughing awfully loudly in his head, echoed by Gon who was laughing much more brightly right next to him. Killua had dropped his head into his hands, muttering violence under his breath while his grandfather next to him had a small smile on his face. Jasper sunk into his seat not even daring to look at the other side of the table.

“It’s not like it’s not true,” he muttered, sending a glare back at the boy dressed like a girl. Kalluto blinked at him, mouth forming an unsure line before huffing and looking away.

“I think this will go swimmingly,” Zeno chuckled, shifting in his seat to look more relaxed. “Kalluto is a good boy and Killua, your father is right. You’re still recovering. Of your siblings, isn’t he the best option?”

Going by the resigned glare, Kalluto was definitely the best option. Jasper thought over all the other people here and had to agree. Zeno would probably be fine too but Jasper had no desire to spend that much time around a predator so far out of his league.

“In fact, I’d like to know more about the people our family members will be traveling with,” Zeno continued cheerfully.

“I see no issue with that,” Kurapika spoke quietly, leaning forward in his chair enough that Jasper could see him in the corner of his eye. He turned to look at his blonde companion who was wearing a blank face, one that Jasper had tentatively marked as one for when he was thinking.

“You don’t have to-” Killua started to protest grumpily, his hands clutching the opposite arm against his chest.

“It’s fine,” Kurapika assured. “I’m glad they asked instead of sending you with strangers.”

“Same,” Leorio huffed, leaning back in his chair, arms across his chest. Actually, Jasper had managed to forget the doctor in training was there because of how quiet he was. Normally, the man was boisterously loud, but ever since entering the gate to the Zoldyck estate there’d been a tension to Leorio’s shoulders and a harsh set to his mouth and brow. It’s not like Jasper couldn’t understand why it was there considering the powerhouses they were surrounded by but he was also of the opinion that the brunette should relax before he blew his top from stress alone.

“Wonderful! I’ll start some introductions,” Zeno continued with a hum. “You have already met me. My son, Silva, is at the head of the table. Next to him we have my dear daughter- in- law, Kikyo. Kalluto is my youngest grandson and next to him is my second eldest, Milluki.”

He assumed that creepshow pin man from his memory of Killua hurting him was the eldest. He was really glad he wasn’t here filling that empty chair next to Leorio. Jasper didn’t know what he would do if he was.

“I’m Gon,” his friend chirped. “It’s nice to meet all of you.”

Jasper didn’t wait to see anyone’s reactions, instead tossing his name out there quickly. Kurapika and Leorio followed shortly after. Menchi was last and she gave her name with a lazy lilt to her words. He was hoping that would be the end of it but no.

Silva was the next to speak. “Tell me what brings children like you so far from home?”

And that was all Gon needed to start talking about his dad and how he was going to find him now since he’d become a Hunter to follow in the man’s footsteps. Jasper hadn’t known that and he made sure to commit the name Ging Freecs to memory so if he ever heard about him he could tell Gon. 

When Gon finished speaking, radiating excitement the whole while (which was making Killua uncurl from his angry wither thankfully) attention turned to Jasper. “I’m looking for my family too,” he huffed. “I have nine family members and we used to live in a gross desert. I… We got separated so I’m trying to find my way back.” He was silent for a moment before finally deciding to just introduce Harry as well. Silva and Zeno already knew about him but Kalluto and Killua hadn’t met him yet. “Then there’s Harry. He’s been with me forever and he helps when I need it.”

“Oh? You mentioned him before,” Zeno said placidly. Despite his calm face there was a gleam in the man’s eye that he wasn’t sure what to make of. “Could we meet him?”

Did Harry want to meet them?

Not really but if it’s a qualification of getting Killua away from these people then I can.

A qualification… Was this whole thing actually a test? Jasper rolled that over in his mind for a moment and decided that it could be.

Please, he thought quietly. The yank behind his navel was quick to follow and he was left floundering again trying to right himself in this strange place Harry called a mindscape. He took a few breaths to steady himself and focused on making sure he’d be able to actually see and hear what was going on this time. Last time- all the way back on the airship- he’d gotten close, listening to snippets before he was distracted by Harry’s thoughts and feelings. It had been absolutely fascinating to see flashes of pictures zoom by his head as well (especially Harry’s hands sweeping through the cloudy mass below him tinged with delight and freedom) and absolutely different than when he went and viewed his own memory.

“Why did you want to see me?”

The reverberation of Harry’s voice echoing in the space around him brought him back to task. Hearing he could do if he just stayed focused. Now he was determined to be able to see everything going on while Harry was in control too. The only hurdle to get over… was that he had no idea how to go about it. Straying from this spot would lead him somewhere but not necessarily where he wanted to go.

“To meet everyone accompanying my grandson. It’s a pleasure, young Harry.”

Jasper groaned at the utter feeling of contempt that clogged his chest from Harry. “Don’t do anything stupid,” he shouted at the blank nothing that represented the ceiling of this place. “We still have to get Killua out!”

It’s not like they don’t already know considering you announced it. Harry grumbled internally. Externally his words were completely different.

“Uh-huh. Sure, I’ll bite. What do you really want?”

“Harry,” he whined, pawing through some of the more solid shadows hoping they would point him in the right direction.

Jasper, what are you doing?

It was Silva’s voice that cut him off from answering Harry right away. “Perhaps we wished to see the lauded companion of a child so experienced in the world.”

Harry’s response was immediate and heated, his attention immediately drawn from Jasper who was still trying to reach through layers and layers of obscuring shadows. “Don’t patronize me-! You have no idea what we’ve been through and you never will. I’m here to stop my charge’s pain and you- you- You bloody broke your own! Your own kid!”

The ‘air’ was becoming stifling and Jasper paused, having the worst feeling that he should be back in charge immediately. He didn’t technically know how to do it but with a strong driving feeling of anxiety and urgency he saw himself back in control. Even not currently having access to live vision from Harry he could still picture the room as he’d seen it before, the dark stone, softly flickering lights. The table with its multiple occupants new and old, friend and possible foe.

With another sickening yank he was back, the heavy feeling of the physical settling in his limbs. In the back of his mind, Harry was raging, the feel of heat still burning stiflingly in his lungs. 

“Now he hates you! Why’d you have to provoke him like that,” he complained after reorienting himself from the sudden switch.

Silva’s slitted eyes were staring at him intently, head cocked to the side. “What makes you think it was a provocation and not a genuine query?”

“Well, first of all that you even had to ask me that,” he grumped, his shoulder coming up to his ears as he slid further down his seat. “Second of all cause… uh, the way you said it? I mean, like, why use perhaps? You could have said ‘because of this’, not perhaps. Perhaps is like… like a run around. It’s not an absolute. My dad said perhaps too when he wanted to trick me!”

“Well, then I shall interject and introduce myself so Jasper may take a moment. I am Kurapika, last of the Kurta clan and my one desire is to kill the Phantom Troupe.”

Jasper wasn’t exactly fond of the way Blondie had inserted himself in the situation but he was also a little grateful because with that heavy proclamation all attention shifted over to the teen watching everyone with cool eyes. Jasper let out a silent breath through his nose turning his attention to Gon and Killua (and by proxy, Zeno who was still watching the three of them). Gon was giving him a small smile with a questioning tilt to his head. Killua… was staring at him with wide blue eyes that made his -still burning burning burning - chest clench.

“Nutty…”

Killua got no farther because Silva was speaking once again and that man’s voice was loud without even trying. It permeated the space around him suppressing all other voices as if it was demanding submission. Which would be silly but Jasper couldn’t help but feel that way about both Silva and Zeno. Zeno's voice was milder, of course, but almost more terrifying for it because you wouldn’t expect it from the old frail looking guy. 

“A lofty goal for one so weak.” 

It came out of nowhere. That power that Jasper could feel lurking unfurled abruptly, saturating the room with a malicious intent so strong that he choked. Harry’s rage was doused by a painful instant alertness and automatically his nen wrapped around him like a protective cloak. He sucked in a deep breath through his nose, wiping away the sweat that had appeared on his forehead.

It was easy to see who had nen at the table. Kikyo sat at attention but showed no signs of visible distress, her ten cloak shimmering around her. Kalluto, next to her, had his fan open and tapping against his lips his own cloak not as sure as it wavered around his shoulders. Milluki’s skin was shining with sweat that had yet to soak into his straining shirt but he was able to move as evidenced by his hands fiddling with something in his lap. Zeno was, unsurprisingly, completely unaffected. Menchi also showed little outward signs besides one of her hands clenched into a shaking fist against her thigh under the table. 

Everyone else didn’t fare near as well. Killua was frozen stiff, his shaking hands lodged knuckle deep into the table, veins visibly bulging against his purple scars. Gon wasn’t even breathing and Leorio seemed to be the same. Kurapika, on the other hand, was trembling like a leaf, his eyes glowing a vivid scarlet.

“If you can’t even survive this, you won’t last a second against any member of the Phantom Troupe. They’re a pesky lot, far too much effort to fight.” Silva’s eyes seemed to shimmer with a deep inner light as they fell once again onto Jasper’s form. He frowned at the focus, feeling as if he was missing something in this very strange exchange. When he said nothing, letting the silence and the pressure drag on, Silva’s lips twitched in the corner.

When his attention moved away, the ren fell with it, tucking itself away neatly. The entire table breathed deeply in relief. Kurapika said nothing when he was addressed, though his eyes still glowed vividly.

“These levels of enemies are what you can expect, Kurta. You would do well to keep your vendetta to yourself.”

“Right,” Leorio wheezed, running his fingers through his hair. “Right, okay. Don’t threaten my friend.” The brunette’s mouth opened and closed as if he wanted to say more but couldn’t settle on the right words. “Right. Moving on. I’m Leorio. My goal is to be a doctor and now that I’ve got my license I’m going to be studying.”

“And I’m always out looking for new ingredients and cooking perfect dishes. Currently, I’m training this one.” A thumb stuck out and she lifted her fist so it was pointed directly at Jasper. “Speaking of,” her voice dropped into a lower pitch as her eyelids fluttered. “You wouldn’t happen to have any spare training vests would you? Possibly with upgrading weights?”

Wait. Wait- That was such a weird subject change-

No. Hell no!

“Menchi,” he growled in absolute offense, basking in the small glance of amusement that brushed over his brow from Harry.

“Suck it up, runt,” she smirked, tilting her head to look at him from the corner of her eye. “I told you I don't take complaints.”

“And I still never agreed-”

“We do have such items but we won’t let them go for nothing. Not even for a friend of Killua’s,” Zeno cut in happily. 

“Well, I’ve heard all Zoldyck prices are absolutely absorbitant so how ‘bout I offer one of my own recipes instead?”

“Five.”

“Excuse me? My recipes are world class! I’ll do nothing more than two.”

“Oh yes, yes. That’s why your name sounds familiar, Menchi the one star Gourmet Hunter, renowned for creating dishes without comparison.”

“That’s right!”

“Three recipes,” Zeno replied calmly, stroking one side of his mustache.

“Sold,” Menchi agreed gleefully.

“Pleasure doing business, my dear.”

“Absolutely!”

“What… the hell just happened,” Killua muttered, pulling his fingers from the wood of the table while Jasper bemoaned his miserable fate. He absolutely hated those stupid vests! They threw off his balance something fierce and they weighed way more than their appearance would suggest.

“Miss Menchi just bought a weighted vest for Jasper,” Gon happily confirmed.

“That’s some tough luck, kid,” Leorio snickered and even Kurapika, who looked much more composed with his eyes back to normal, gave him a pitying glance.

“Shut up, Drabreo!”

“Oi, who the hell are you still calling drab!”

“Ha…. Ahahahaha!” Killua tossed his head back as his arms clutched his stomach. “Drabreo! Ha! That’s even worse than Mister Drab!”

“Hey, you little brat don’t think I won’t hop over this table-!”

Shortly after their bickering started the dessert came out and everyone quieted again. It wasn’t anything like at the beginning, though. This was an easy quiet that focused on the food in front of them- even if it was just a weird flat squishy texture to Jasper- the subtle tension had drained like an infection being lanced. It was a relief, honestly, and his regard for Menchi jumped.

When dinner was finished, Jasper and his friends were escorted to guest rooms. Killua absolutely refused to be separated from his friends and Zeno allowed it, gesturing the three boys into a room. But Jasper paused in the doorway turning back to the old man.

“Can I be in a different room?”

Zeno lifted an eyebrow in response and Jasper huffed, watching the way Gon bounced on the bed and how Killua stayed at the foot of it, far away from his friend. As much as he’d like to stay with them Killua was still far too tense around Jasper. It made his chest clench uncomfortably but he ignored that trying to think of how he would feel if he was uncomfortable. He’d want his space to be respected and so he would do the same for Killua.

Both boys glanced at him when he didn’t continue into the room. He shot them a smile and turned back to the old man.

“I don’t really want to share,” he hummed. 

“Of course. This way.”

Gon protested immediately but Killlua was quiet, staring at the floor with furrowed brows so Jasper stood firm.

 And that was that.  

He plopped down on the bed with a huff, thinking over the events of today. It had been a very long day and even here he still couldn’t quite get himself to relax. There was just something about this manor that was throwing him off. The forest hadn’t been anything like this. Jasper didn’t like it.

Did you notice that none of the Zoldycks talked except Killua, Zeno, and Silva?

He noticed the sliver of rage curl inside his lungs again and blew out a slow breath. Harry really didn’t like Silva now. He wondered what it was about what the man said that had set his friend off.

But more importantly, “Kikyo talked.”

Briefly and with backlash. I dunno, it could be nothing but it feels like something. Keep it in mind.

He could do that, not that he thought it would matter much. They’d be leaving in the morning and maybe Jasper would be able to relax again. At least he wasn’t nearly as bad off as Leorio who was wound as tightly as a spring about to buckle.

Still… he couldn’t find it in himself to get comfortable. He didn’t feel tired and for some reason the softness of the bed seemed more insidious than welcoming.

Honestly, if you stay up all night I think we’ll be fine. Better safe than sorry in a den of monsters, hm?

He would be exhausted in the morning but it should be possible. Yeah. That would probably be best.

Chapter Text

He started by pacing and that did nothing so he went to organize his belongings. And that was… well, he didn’t really have much besides a broken phone and charger, a cracked container, a set of white scrubs (as Leorio had called them), and a sheath for a knife that he didn’t have. His hip pouch was safely tucked away beside all of his belongings in the large leather satchel and he huffed as he pulled everything out to look them over. Everything Jasper had was trash but… he just couldn’t make himself throw it away. It reminded him far too much of the trash piles at home and digging through them with Uncle Al to find fun pieces to turn into something else. He couldn’t exactly do that with his own pieces of useless belongings but he still couldn’t just… let them go. Frustrated at the useless activity, Jasper shoved everything back into their spots and stomped over to the bed again. He plopped down, crossing his legs and started meditating pulling his ren around him like a cloak. It was likely to attract attention but he had no idea what else he could do!

Not only will you attract attention, you’ll tire yourself out, Harry grumbled.

Which was true. Ugh.

He released his nen and flopped backwards throwing his arms out to either side focusing instead on the sounds around him. He thought he heard footsteps pass in front of his door but beyond that there was nothing. It was a silence so loud it made his ears ring. Extremely disconcerting was a great description for it. There’d only been one time- only one time the silence-

Jasper, stop .

He blinked, taken aback by the ringing voice in his head. What was that?

You were about to have a flashback, Harry sighed. Jasper could just picture the boy running his hand through messy locks.

A flashback?

There was another aggrieved sigh but his headmate did eventually answer.

The way the mind works is… strange. Your memories from before the seal are intact but you’re cutting yourself off from them. When I… When I first woke up after the seal, your mind was like a maelstrom, tearing itself to pieces trying to- I don’t even know what but it wasn’t good. You- I… had to shield you from it. Eventually your own mind adopted it’s own shield copying my own. Neither one was perfect and if the situation was close enough a corresponding memory would try to reassert itself in the form of a flashback.

When our nen was released my shield fell but yours is still there. It’s weaker now though, with my shield gone, so I try to keep on top of it, catch the bits that slip through, but there’s still… Well...

Jasper blinked trying to process that. “So… when you showed me the memory… the shadows weren’t you?”

No. The shadows are all you now. I have some control over them but the more holes I poke, the more memories will be able to come through.

“That’s a good thing, isn’t it?”

… Very bad things happened to you, Jasper. I don’t want you having to relive that.

Jasper scrunched his toes into his thighs as he thought over his response. He did want to know what had happened to him but there was a growing uncertainty that plagued him. First, Harry almost felt scared when he talked about Jasper’s missing memories and second… The first memory they tried almost killed Jasper. It was a harsh memory, probably a very bad first choice, but it had been done and now that lingering fear of it happening again was still there.

Still, they were his memories; his experiences and thoughts. How was he ever supposed to grow if he couldn’t learn from past mistakes?

With a frown he mulled over his relationship with Gon and Killua. If he didn’t have the ability to keep his memories now, what would his relationship with them be like? Would they consider him a burden and leave? He couldn’t even remember how they first met and how they treated him. And really he wasn’t so sure about why he’d been adamant about going after Killua before he’d had his memory restored. There was the burning curiosity- the small amount of information Gon gave through stories only made it burn brighter- but Jasper didn’t think that’s all it was. Something inside of him told him to go, and told him to bring Killua back. 

Or did it? Maybe he’s adding these emotions now to his memories of then.

“Argh.” He fisted a hand in his hair, the other on the blanket and gave a groan of frustration. He couldn’t figure it out and not having his memories didn’t help at all! “Aghh!”

Jasper…

“I hate this, Harry! You know so much about me and I- I can’t even remember anything my so called friends have told me about themselves when we first met! It wasn’t even that long ago! I don’t understand!”

There was a lead feeling in his gut that didn’t come from him. Harry spoke up, his words tasting strangely of ash and dirt. Wouldn’t it just be better to let it all go? To not worry and spend time with your friends?

He grunted in disgust. “No! Everything in my head is me! What if I saw something important that could lead me to my family? What if Gon and Killua told me something I wasn’t supposed to forget? Even if they knew I- that I can’t-”

I think you’re thinking about this too much. Maybe you should just try to sleep.

“And I hate that you do that, Harry! All you do is avoid it! You won’t talk about it, you won’t let me think about it. You’re so scared of it any time it’s brought up-!”

I’m not scared!

“Yes you are,” Jasper hissed. “You’re scared and you’re a coward because you keep running away!”

I’m not a coward!

That rage was back, burning into his lungs, suffocating him with the strength of it but Jasper would not be cowed. Even if the rage did not initially belong to him, he could still feel it, he could still use it, feed off of it.

His hand flung out in front of him clutching at nothing as he ground his teeth. Why did Harry have to do this? Why did he have to keep him from his goal!?

WHY!?

Jasper-! Stop!

“How dare you,” he growled. “ How dare you-!? ”

He fell upon the man with righteous anger, his knife going in and out and in and out and-

Jasper fell back onto his butt with a sob. He ignored the ever growing redredred that stained his hands and clothes. How was he supposed to find his family if he couldn’t get a Hunter’s License? How could he go back to them and tell him that he was a failure!?

Would they still want him?

Jasper surfaced, gasping for air, sitting up straight so fast that he tumbled off the bed with his forward momentum.

I’m sorry! I’m so sorry-!

“Did I-? I killed him? I stabbed him so many times! That was me?”

But Harry was beyond unhelpful, stuck in a constant loop of apologies. Jasper swallowed harshly trying to calm his racing heart with calm repetitive breaths. It worked slowly, not that Harry was helping with his never ending litany. Eventually he snapped at his head mate and Harry shut up immediately.

Without that constant background noise, Jasper found it easier to ground himself, digging his fingers into the carpet over and over.

“Harry… was that me? Please… answer me honestly.”

There was silence, a staggering lack of emotion too when all Jasper was used to were the constant brushes of Harry’s strange emotions whispering across his mental and physical body. Finally, when he was becoming so unnerved at the situation that his eyes were starting to burn, the other boy spoke. 

It was you.

His breath left him a great whoosh, a terrible feeling of stickiness clogging up his throat. Why would he go after someone like that? Jasper wouldn’t- No… he probably would kill someone if it was to save himself. Uncle Gin, Aunt Fei, even Daddy had all told him that it was better he survive than someone else but-

But, that wasn’t survival. That was anger. Jasper had been angry and he’d stabbed the man over and over-

I’m so sorry.

“Stop apologizing,” he rasped, bringing one hand up to rub at his forehead.

This- this is why I didn’t want you to know! You shouldn’t have to see-

“I did that, though, Harry. That was me. I should know what I did so I don’t do it again.” Jasper breathed deeply, glad that his heart had calmed, that he could breathe again. “Who was he?”

You called him Camo, Harry started hesitantly. He was one of the people partnered with you for the Third Phase of the Hunter Exam.

“You mentioned them before, didn't you? We killed the man… you said that. But it was all me. I didn’t even do it because he was hurting me… he was just- just in the way.”

He didn’t know how he felt about that right now. Numb? Probably. Was it even the fact he killed the man he was upset about, or that he had done it in a fit of tantrum? He couldn’t tell… He didn’t really want to.

Jasper….

“Don’t. Just don’t.” He sucked in a deep breath trying to focus on something else… anything else. “Why did this time feel different from the last?”

…. What do you mean?

“When I went into my head to view the memory I was still partially aware of where I was… I still knew I wasn’t there even if the emotions overwhelmed me. But this time… It was like I was really back there. Like… I don’t know.”

I don’t know either. Everything happening… It's new. This is your mind and now I’m here… I don’t know what to do.

“Why do you do that,” he asked thoughtlessly, tugging at the soft fibre between his fingers. 

Do what?

“Talk like we’re not- Like you’re not a part of me.” He could feel Harry gearing up for another stupidly avoidant answer so he kept talking. “I don’t care if you weren’t me once, you know? Like if I’m your reincarnation or something. We’re the same soul, right? Everything I have is yours and it should be the other way around too. I just- You always talk like we’re separate and we’re not and I hate it!”

Jasper…

“Stop doing that too! Saying my name like that! I hate it, so stop it! I’m not stupid and I’m not weak! I don’t need to be coddled, Harry!” His fingers dug into the carpet, gripping at the small bit of shag available, enough to almost rip it from the floor in his anger.

I’m not coddling-

“Yes, you are!”

Will you stop arguing with me-?

“No! Because you’re not getting it! I can handle it, okay? Maybe I chose wrong when we looked first but I can handle the past! I got through this memory fine, didn’t I? No heart attacks. I didn’t hurt myself-!”

You mean besides launching yourself off the bed-

“AND THEY’RE MY MEMORIES!”

His words echoed slightly in the room and he held his breath in the aftermath. When no footsteps sounded, no butlers or assassins came charging in, he slowly let himself relax, his shoulders slumping as he dropped his forehead to the floor, his knees bent beneath him.

If we’re one and the same, why can’t you just trust me to hold onto these memories?

Jasper scoffed. “Of course I trust you… Why can’t you trust me?”

Harry didn’t answer, his silence an answer all in itself.

“We don’t have to start big, Harry. That was a mistake. I get it. But I at least want to know my friends. I want to see the Hunter Exam… you told me I should start with that first anyway, right?”

Fine.

“Sir!”

Gotoh glanced up from the paperwork he was working on. Supplies were becoming short in Kakin and he was going to have to do a subtle investigation. The last time this had happened there was unrest in their underground. If that was the case again, some butlers were going to have to sort things out. Whether there were issues or not, the metal they were being supplied was important to young master Milluki as well as the Lady Kikyo and it was his duty to see the masters were supplied with everything they needed.

He glanced up with an aborted sigh, setting down the sheet he was running calculations over. Canary stood before him, her back ramrod straight, a vanilla folder clenched in her hands. 

Now, Gotoh had worked with his apprentice for a very long time so, despite her blank mask and posture he could still see the small ticks that gave away her emotions. Her shoulders were higher than normal indicating a hesitance but the tilt of her mouth was more excited than anything else.

“What have you brought me?”

She held out the file and he took it, reading the top label. 

M M C 19

“I think he’s one of them, sir,” Canary said firmly, folding her arms behind her back. “Jasper Lucilfer. The looks and age are a match as well as nen activation confirmation. He also described a disease specific to Meteor City as if he had witnessed it.”

“Did he now,” Gotoh murmured rhetorically. The suspicion of the boy being head of the Phantom Troupe's son had already been mentioned by Master Silva and Master Zeno earlier but they had denied looking for confirmation. If it was not confirmed, they were under no obligation to inform the parents. He understood why the masters did not want to confirm anything even if he did not approve of it. Gotoh was a soft-heart, he always had been, which was why he knew how to handle rearing Canary into a loyal butler. So he absolutely understood her desire to reunite Jasper with his family. Unfortunately, the Zoldyck Family came first.

To give him more time to formulate a response for Canary he flipped the file open, flipping through them. The first six were the confirmed deceased, the next four were the confirmed found, and the last nine were still missing. In the middle of these nine, Gotoh stopped on Jasper’s file looking it over with a grim frown.

There were very few details on the first page with the second only detailing contact information, the same as all the other children. At least this one had a photo, a hand painted one but still more than most of the other children had.  Looking over the file, seeing the portrait compared to the older version…

Gotoh sighed.

Whatever had happened after his abduction from Meteor city was not anything close to kind. Currently, Jasper was worryingly thin (though that was thankfully being seen to) and had multiple suspicious scars that stood out upon closer observation. The boy deserved to go back to his family and yet-

He snapped the file shut.

“Per our master’s orders we are not to confirm any relation between our guest Jasper and the missing Meteor City children.”

Canary’s jaw dropped, her composure faltering. Normally it would be an instant reprimand, but on this occasion he could allow it. As Meteor City residents themselves it was a most heinous act to turn on other citizens that were being threatened from ‘outside’. Never before had the family interfered in assisting their home city for multiple reasons; never before had they been made to choose. And yet-

“But- Gotoh, sir-”

“Canary.”

She stopped, her mouth closing with a click of teeth.She dipped her head in a nod, her mouth forming a pensive line.

“Canary. We are sworn to the Zoldyck Family and to protect the young masters from any potential backlash we cannot inform Meteor City of the whereabouts of Jasper Lucilfer until such a time as they are separated. Do you understand?”

The clock in his office ticked softly, the time dragging on into the night until Canary’s eyes slipped closed. “I understand, sir.”

Jasper yawned, rubbing his eyes trying to douse the itching… It only made them feel heavier.

Maybe staying up wasn’t the best idea?

Assassin household, Harry grumped.

Ugh.

At least the morning rays were starting to peak over the window ledge which meant he could leave the room soon. Probably. They never did say if they were supposed to wait for someone to get them or not. What if they were just supposed to leave?

With a groan, Jasper forced himself up from the floor where he'd been viewing memories the whole night, already regretting moving in the first place. With a grunt he started on the stretches Menchi had showed him back when they first started training at the guard house. When first attempting them, he’d felt quite the burn but now it wasn’t so bad. He could bend himself in half from the waist, stretch his legs out to either side in a straight line, and even bend his torso straight back from a standing position to grab his ankles. He’d been rather pleased with his progress and Menchi’s proud smirk was a great motivator. Not that he’d ever tell her that.

He still hadn’t technically agreed to be her apprentice but she was training him in spite of that and it was working . Despite her dodge or die methods, Jasper appreciated what she was doing for him. And he could admit that he felt a lot better, a lot stronger, now that he was eating on Menchi’s schedule. His mentor was harsh and had a bit of a temper but he liked her anyway.

“Hey, Harry…?”

Hm?

“Thanks for last night.”

Getting dragged into his headspace again with Harry left him with that same weird feeling of his whole self being wobbly. He wondered why that only happened when Harry was around but honestly he’d been too excited to look at memories to think about it too much.

And wow… he was really glad that they had looked last night. The memories from the Hunter Exams ended up being a mixture of small fractures of light that looked like stars in the shadowy part of his head and more shadowy curtains that Harry pulled open for him. Just like the first time, Harry left him to view on his own, instead choosing to monitor Jasper’s body and the happenings outside.

Left to his own devices in the middle of a hallway looking structure with several curtains opened to look like doors and shimmering fragments lighting his way, he’d explored to his heart's content. The first time he’d met Gon, shown in the cracked shimmer of a fragment in time, had given him a bit of a laugh. It was good to know the boy was exactly the same as was the promise he’d made to stick around and help him find his family and explain things to him. Killua on the other hand had a colder start, seeming much more interested in Gon’s exuberance, which made sense even if it had been slightly disappointing. Leorio and Kurapika were in there too, each showing their own level of worry and care. It was slightly annoying that he had to be cared for so much, that he couldn’t have passed the exam without their help… but it also made a soft warmth curl inside his chest.

The first bad memory that he viewed was also a fragment, a cracked reflection of a red head with his hair slicked back, yellow eyes full of amused cruelty. It had shocked him so badly that Harry had shown up once again ready to end everything.

“I won’t push,” he had ended up promising. “I just wasn’t expecting it to be here after everything else.”

“I tried to keep the worst out,” Harry admitted, “but I’m not perfect and the bad is tied to the good. Be careful, Jasper.”

Once again he was left to explore and he was careful after that. He’d run into a few other nasty surprises, like the oppressive darkness covered in stone and red flickering torches and the clown-dressed red-head again, but nothing ever startled him as badly as the man breaking his wrist in the first fragment. 

Jasper started visiting the bigger memories hidden behind the half-open curtains as soon as he ran out of fragments. The first one had been on a boat the ocean spread before him. The awe of the moment mixed with the awe of the retelling as he studied how the light glimmered over the open blue, darks and lights mixing for the most beautiful scene he’d ever witnessed. Then Gon and Killua were there and he learned about the badges for one of the phases. The next curtain was a continuation. He got to witness his own triumph in getting a badge and getting back to the beginning even not knowing where he was going. The one after that was Gon speaking to him in a clean room about his family, Jasper sharing his memory of Mimi.

It was all just…. Him. Everything he should have known, should have remembered.

You’re welcome. 

Harry’s quiet statement drew him back into the present and he grinned up at the ceiling as he arched himself back up into a standing position.

“We should do it more often,” he hummed happily.

We really shouldn’t.

“What! Oh, come on! Stop teasing,” he huffed, throwing his arms above his head to stretch those as well. He could never get a good stretch burn from his arms like he could from his torso or legs.

I’m actually serious. I- I don’t mind doing it every now and then… You should… you should see the good memories at least. But Jasper, regaining memories is a strain on the mind. 

He frowned in thought, tossing an arm over his chest and clutching at it with the other, trying to stretch it further. “I don’t feel strained? No headache or anything.”

That’s because I’m helping out-

“Aren’t you always going to help?”

AND the damage seems to be cumulative. The more you watched the worse it got. It’s nothing serious, not like the first time but I want to wait a while to see if it fixes itself.

He wondered exactly what the damage was that Harry mentioned as he tossed his other arm across his chest, switching them. But what came out of his mouth was completely different and he didn’t realize what he said until after. Not that he didn’t mean it or that he would take it back. “You promise?”

Yeah, Jasper. I promise.

Relief loosened his muscles and he allowed his arms to drop glancing over to the window. It was still dark but bright enough now to be considered dawn. His window wasn’t facing the sun rising though so he wasn’t sure if sunrise was a thing happening just yet. They were on top of a really tall mountain so they’d probably be the first part of this side of the world to see it. Actually he wondered what a sunrise looked like from so high up? 

Maybe he should leave his room to look?

Except before he could even try, his door knob was twisting as he watched it. There’d been no sound before that, no footsteps at all. Even the knob wasn’t making any noise as it slowly twisted open. He stared at it wide-eyed, his heart racing against his ribs.

Was he about to be murdered? Oh no… were his friends okay?

The door slowly opened, still silent and terrifying.

White hair. Round blue eyes.

His lungs abruptly deflated.

It was only Killua.

Chapter Text

“Why’d you have to scare me like that,” Jasper complained as the white haired assassin blinked at him. When he got no answer, he looked a little closer, noticing the tightness along with the slight puffy red rimming the other boy’s eyes. Lips were pursed enough to pale them and the fingers that had curled around the door were just as white as they clenched on the solid wood.

He looks like he just woke up from a nightmare, Harry commented softly.

Jasper could definitely see it but he wasn’t sure exactly how to deal with it. After another second of awkward silence with Killua just staring at him, Jasper huffed. “Well, are you just gonna stand there like an idiot?”

“Who are you calling an idiot?”

Killua’s voice was as rough as his hair was messy but it still made relief curl happily in Jasper’s loose limbs. “You obviously. Come in and sit down on the bed or something. I was just stretching.”

The assassin did, slinking into the room like a wary cat, the door clicking closed softly behind him. Jasper tracked his friend’s progress across the room, definitely noticing how his path curved around Jasper himself. Well, there went his idea of exploring. This… whatever this was needed to be handled.

Do something else while you talk to him. Push ups or something.

Jasper frowned briefly. What exactly was that supposed to do?

Do you trust me, Jasper?

He hummed the affirmative watching Killua settle on the bed he never slept in last night. The white haired boy dragged his legs into a crossed position, picking at the hem of his black sleeping shorts. His white tank top was wrinkled and became more so as the boy slouched even as his blue eyes stayed locked on Jasper’s form.

Then just start doing something else until he talks, okay?

That was easy enough to do even if he still didn’t get why. So he started an easy but more interesting routine that Menchi had shown him during their training at the guard house. Hopping up onto his hands he shifted his weight, slowly bringing his feet into the air. When he was straight, his toes pointing at the ceiling, he counted a round of ten push ups before stopping and holding his position with his arms bent at a ninety degree angle. When he could feel a slight burn, he pushed up and allowed his legs to spread apart, scissoring them side to side then front and back a few times. After that he fell into a backbend, holding the pose for fifteen breaths before using his core to slowly stand back up. Then he did it again and again and again, slower each time until sweat was starting to form on his brow and his breaths were coming a bit faster.

When he was about to start an entirely different routine Killua finally spoke. “Why did you come here?”

“Hah?” Taken off guard by the question, he stumbled a bit before swinging around and facing the bed.

“Why did you come after me? Gon, I can sort of understand. He’s… he’s different. But you didn’t even know me when you decided to come here.”

“And how’d you know that?”

Blue eyes stared at him, half lidded and dull. “Gon told me. We talked last night. He… he told me what happened after, how you somehow got healed, how you started remembering. You decided… without even knowing me, me the person who’d almost killed you, to come… save me. I don’t get it.”

Be careful what you say, Harry cautioned in a near whisper, his worry settling like a small stone in Jasper’s belly.

Jasper frowned, running his hand through his damp hair and scratching at the scar above his ear. With the warning from Harry he was now unsure how to go about this. After a wonderful night of memories he held more than a slight fondness for Killua so that made it harder to think back on how he felt in that hospital room a few weeks ago. Why had he wanted to come again? He’d woken up and Gon was there telling him stories…

Oh! That’s right.

“Honestly,” he started quietly, tilting his head back to stare at the ceiling, trying to grasp the memories. It wasn’t like when he’d first woken, disoriented and confused. No, they were just slightly blurry memories that weren’t nearly as important as his most recent discoveries. “In the beginning it was curiosity. Gon talked of you. When I was told you almost killed me I was slightly wary but… I didn’t know you. Gon liked you and said your family wasn’t treating you well. I liked Gon. So I just… agreed to come along. Then we were on our way and I thought about it more.”

He rocked on his heels, crossing his arms in front of his chest as he glanced over at Killua who was still watching him intently. “I wanted to know, you know? Why did you attack me if you were my friend? Being told about it isn’t the same as knowing . So, I bugged Harry and he helped me see the memory. You… looked so sad. Your eyes were just… Well, I definitely had to come after that,” he finished with a huff.

Jasper watched the assassin’s chest expand and expand before the breath left him in a rush. With furrowed brows, and fidgeting hands Killua leaned forward even more until his hair fell forward to cover his eyes. 

“You’re so stupid.” It was hardly a whisper and if it wasn’t so quiet in here in the first place he never would have heard it.

“Oi!”

He didn’t get to feel offense for very long because he was startled into a half defensive pose when Killua sat bolt upright. “I didn’t really get to meet Harry before. I bet he has a bunch of embarrassing stories about you!”

He squawked but despite expecting Harry to laugh and agree in his head, the teen was quiet. 

“Absolutely not! You’re never going to meet him!”

“Never say never, Nutty,” Killua hummed, his body wriggling in place. He flopped sideways, kicking out his legs and resting his upper body on his right arm. His grin was reminiscent of a cat that caught a bird, all teeth and pride.

“I’ll say never if I want! And will you please stop calling me that? I am not a nut!”

Despite the argument, he felt as if something was lighter now. It should have been a good thing but Harry’s silence seemed ominous. Without his headmate saying anything, though, he wouldn’t be able to figure out what was wrong. Instead, he focused on the now plopping down onto the carpet to keep himself from getting closer to Killua and scaring him off.

“Mmmm no! You still haven’t won our bet,” Killua retorted gleefully.

“Bet?”

He didn’t remember seeing anything last night about a bet… or had he? Was it one of those fragments maybe?

Killua’s smile got wider and Jasper grunted in disgust. The other boy was definitely going to hold this over his head. He fell backwards, throwing his arms and legs out like a star as he stared up at the ceiling.

“I’ll remember one day,” he threatened lightly.

“I look forward to it.” Killua sounded way too smug, as if Jasper would definitely never remember.

He grunted again but couldn’t really find any words as a wave of exhaustion swept over him. He abruptly remembered that he’d ‘stayed up’ all night because they were in an assassin den and he hadn’t felt safe doing so. Now that someone he liked and mostly trusted was here, he just wanted to take a nap. He felt a slight regret that not sleeping had probably been a mistake but what was done was done.

The sun was definitely up now, the light outside the window was a dusky pink, streaming in and lighting up the cream colored walls

“Hey Killua. Where’s Gon?”

“Still sleeping.”

“Oh. Why’d you come over here then?”

“I… I needed to see you.”

Need. Not wanted.

Maybe his nightmare was about you.

That would make a lot of sense. He was surprised that the white haired boy had admitted it, though.

Don’t say anything about it.

Why shouldn’t he?

It would be embarrassing. Just don’t. Trust me.

“Hey Nutty. Tell me about those family members you said would like me?”

He blinked, his eyes not opening as fast as he’d like, the lids feeling like little leaden weights. Distracted from Harry, he turned his stare over to the bed. “You mean Uncle Lin, Uncle Al, and Mom?”

“Yeah. That’s what you said yesterday.”

“Hm.” He closed his eyes in thought (and maybe because it was easier than keeping them open). Most of what he had said had been rambling but he had meant it that he thought Killua would get along with those three. Mom would get along with all of them really because she was just kind and open-hearted like that but Uncle Lin and Al… “Well, Uncle Lin is really quiet. He’s a great listener and he always knows what to say to make people feel better. I think you would get along because of that. You’re also really smart, Killua, so he could talk to you about a lot of things. I think he’d really enjoy that. 

“Same with Uncle Al. I don’t think there was ever a question I asked him that he didn’t know the answer to. He wouldn’t care that you're a kid, he’d talk to you like you're important…

“And Mom. Mom is great! She’s really sweet and she’d love you no matter what just because we were friends. But she’s also a great listener and she takes the time to… to do the little things,” Jasper trailed off. He really missed the feeling of fingers carding through his hair. He couldn’t even remember what it felt like, just that it had always been relaxing. Every time he’d get upset she’d be there to soothe him.”

“Like what?”

He startled, eyes blinking open to the early dawn light. It probably wasn’t supposed to burn like that. “Huh?”

Jasper could hear the shifting of sheets and he glanced over at Killua again, taking in his new position. The boy hadn’t moved too much, just shifting over onto his back so his head hung over the side of the bed, Killua’s blue eyes watching him from upside down. 

“What kind of little things?”

“Oh, um… She would always comfort me if I got upset. She knew I liked meat so she’d give me a little extra off her plate. She didn’t like Mimi but she’d still help me feed her. Just… little things I dunno.”

Killua sniffed. “Who the heck is Mimi?”

“Oh! She was the family pet spider,” Jasper snorted. “Daddy was fascinated with her but not many other people liked her because she was venomous or something. I think she was a sweetheart and watching her eat was really cool, if slow.”

“You had a pet spider!?” Killua’s jaw had dropped and his eyes seemed to practically sparkle. He flipped himself upwards kicking his feet up behind him, hands clasping under his chin so his elbows supported him. “What was that like?”

Seeing the new energy boosting his friend, Jasper couldn’t help but smile in joy (and maybe a little relief) as he started to explain her eating habits and how he found her. Killua had a surprising amount of questions but Jasper honestly didn’t mind because this version of the boy was so much better than the dull quiet thing that had creeped into his bedroom this morning.

So it was that Gon found them lounging in Jasper’s room discussing other unique pets. Jasper had mostly only known about Mimi so Killua had taken over explaining the habits and pros and cons of owning different types of spiders. They had just drifted into other possible pets in the insect category when Killua paused, eyes flashing to the door. Jasper looked up from his starfish position just in time to see Gon poke his head in.

“Oh! There you guys are! When I woke up Killua was gone,” Gon said as he cheerfully made his way into the room.

“Ah. Sorry Gon. I didn’t wanna bug you,” Killua apologized, pulling himself up so he could plop heavily into a sitting position.

“I wouldn’t have been bothered,” was the simple reply.

“I liked the company,” Jasper hummed. “You got him last night so I got him this morning.”

Killua’s face turned a bit pink and he spluttered. 

“That’s fair.” Gon was nodding as he plopped on the floor as well, smooshing his feet together with his hands.

“Don’t agree with him!”

Killua’s outrage was funny to watch especially when it even got a  quiet chuckle out of Harry. 

Only moments later there was a knock at the door that had all three of them turning their attention towards it. Jasper was still slightly tense but with Killua and Gon in here with him it didn’t seem nearly as bad as earlier that he was in a murder manor. Canary poked her head in and seeing them all awake, she gave a nod.

“Young Master, I have breakfast.”

“Oh, thanks Canary,” Killua hummed, tossing his legs over the side of the bed so he could slide to the floor. He still didn’t get closer to either Gon or Jasper but to see him coming down into their ‘space’ seemed like a victory.

Canary gave him a quick flash of a smile, eyes skipping over Jasper to nod at Gon. He blinked at her in confusion. Had… he done something to make her uncomfortable? He would have thought she’d be that way with Gon considering she smacked him around so harshly yesterday. It hadn’t been easy for Jasper to watch so he would have understood if Canary couldn’t look at his green clad friend… but to avoid Jasper?

A second butler entered the room, followed by another and another. Each of them looked exactly like the last with their pressed suits and identical faces. The three identical male blondes each gave a short bow over the covered trays they held in their hands before walking forward to settle them on the floor in front of each of them. They gave another short bow before leaving silently. Canary lingered only a second longer, her eyes finally settling on Jasper with something glimmering in her dark eyes.

She was gone before he could even try to figure it out.

Gon immediately tossed off the lid on his and started digging into the bowl of oatmeal. Jasper was quick to follow looking over the meal. He had a bowl of oatmeal as well, though it seemed to be a lesser amount than Gon’s. Instead he had an extra side of fruit to make up for it. It looked similar to the breakfast Menchi had been making so he started the arduous task of shoving it all down his throat as quickly as possible.

When he finished he eyed the spoon on his tray contemplatively.

Don’t you dare.

His lips twitched but he set it back on the tray and instead turned to picking at the fraying sleeves while Gon and Killua finished up. Killua was a meticulous eater, just as clean and efficient as he had been at dinner but Gon was messy and quick, smearing fruit juice over his cheeks in his enthusiasm to devour his food.

“Pah! So good,” Gon exclaimed patting his belly as he leaned back on one arm. “You have some amazing chefs Killua!”

“It was just oatmeal,” the assassin scoffed. 

“Yea but the food last night was amazing too! Too bad you can’t taste it, Jas.”

He shrugged, not really worried about it. He couldn’t really remember what food tasted like so it wasn’t as if it was a big deal. He picked harder at a thread sticking out. “It’s fine.”

“Wait… you can’t taste anything?”

His fingers paused as he stared at Killua who was staring at him with furrowed brows. Jasper thought he had talked to Gon but maybe the boy had just forgotten to mention it?

“Harry’s power is based on sacrifice. He gave up our ability to taste to heal me.” The words were out of his mouth before he really thought about it but Killua’s reaction made him regret his rather blunt delivery. His hands were clenched on his thighs, scars standing out starkly against the paper white skin, and his shoulders flinched inwards briefly. But it was really the eyes that got to him. Killua’s blue eyes, for just a moment, looked just as sad as that day before it was gone. “Ah. Sorry. I thought… someone had already told you.”

“No. It’s fine.”

“It’s not-”

“It’s fine!”

Stop. Let him have his pride.

What? But-

Gon stepped in quickly, his bright voice not sounding any different. “I forgot, honestly! But it’s not so bad. There’s a time limit, right?”

Startled and not expecting an actual question while he was reeling from Killua and Harry, he took a moment to respond. “Oh, um. Yeah. A year, I think. But it’s not like it’s a bother. I don’t really remember what food tastes like so…”

He started fiddling with his sleeves again, unsure what to say and do. He wanted to ask so many things and reassure his friend but Harry had made it clear to let Killua have his space. If Jasper wouldn’t like people prying then he shouldn’t do it himself. So, he was trying to distract himself from saying something else he would regret when the thread he’d been picking out unraveled far too quickly. He stuck it in his mouth trying to bite it off before he made it worse but he didn’t pin it right between his fingers while he was pulling with his teeth and it unraveled it more. He stared at it, slightly betrayed.

“Ragamuffin…” 

He whipped his head up with a glare. “What was that, Whitey!?”

Killua twitched, eyes narrowing. “Your clothes are falling to pieces. Unacceptable. Gon, grab him and follow me. We’re going to get Kalluto.”

Gon snorted his foot kicking out and rattling his tray as he pushed himself up and lunged at Jasper. With a yelp, he dived sideways knocking his own tray over.

Five minutes later he was pouting, stuck over Gon’s shoulder like a heavy sack.

“So, why are we looking for your brother,” Jasper asked, drumming his finger against Gon’s back as they wandered through the hallways.

“You need better clothes and he has to come with us anyway,” Killua grumbled, turning down another hallway.

By now, Jasper was well and truly lost. They’d entered some dungeon level a turn or two ago and he completely lost track of where they could possibly be in the mansion. And Gon’s shoulder was bony, making this whole ride more uncomfortable the longer it lasted.

“Okay… but why are we tracking him down?”

It still made no sense! And there was someone following them which made this whole situation very embarrassing. He didn’t mind if it was just his friends but for someone from Killua’s family to see him, butler or otherwise, just made him feel less than adequate after he pronounced he was going to steal Killua away. It made him feel rather exposed and he wished he had something he could tug down over his face even though they weren’t doing anything noteworthy.

“Because.”

“That’s not an answer,” he groaned.

Jasper would, unfortunately, never get his answer because they found Kalluto on the next hallway turn. The very pretty younger boy blinked at them. Jasper thumped Gon on the back demanding to be put down as soon as the other boy stopped. When he was dropped, he straightened out, fixing his clothes and turned to face the stoic faced little boy.

Jasper immediately flushed.

Gon jumped forward to happily introduce himself. “Hi! We didn’t get to talk before! My name is Gon and I think it’ll be fun to have you come with us!”

Killua snorted but didn't intervene even when Kalluto took a partial step back, his hands tucking into his long long sleeves. Jasper decided that he should give his name again as well. Anything to play off the heat of his cheeks. He just needed to keep his tone even and pretend nothing was happening.

“Hi. I’m Jasper.”

Nailed it.

“Hello,” Kalluto started slowly, his eyes narrowing as he took in the three of them. His voice was surprisingly lower than Killua’s and somehow it still fit the pretty image he presented with his black outfit trailing pink blossoms near the bottom. The middle piece was a pale pink to match the flowers with a darker purple cloth piece behind it. It was the same style as dress from yesterday but Jasper couldn’t recognize it. He’d never seen anything like it but he could definitely appreciate how it looked on the younger boy. “Why are you here big brother? I thought I would be meeting you on the way out.”

“Nutty over here needs clothes.”

When Kalluto’s painted pink lips pursed into a frown without speaking, Killua sighed and rolled his shoulders. “I’m not gonna ask Mom. If I see her anytime soon I’ll kill her. You’re the best person to go to for clothes, okay? And if… if you’re coming with us anyway I figured it would be… bonding. Or something. I don’t know.”

Now the red on Killua’s cheeks looked like it could match Jasper’s and Kalluto had his own flush to match it.

“Bonding? Ah… right. Follow me,” Kalluto mumbled in an almost dazed manner.

“Do you know what just happened?” Jasper whispered to Gon the moment the two were far enough away that they shouldn’t hear him.

Gon shook his head, amber eyes watching the two brothers curiously.

“Where the hell have you guys been!?”

Leorio was stomping over to them like a bull as soon as the group of three entered the entrance hall. Jasper, halfway dazed from the last hour and with arms full of more clothes than he’d probably ever owned in his life, froze. There was a flash of someone else, tall- dark- stay away-

Jasper!

He jumped in place, blinking the sudden black spots in his vision away.

You’re okay. It’s just Leorio.

He sucked in a deep breath, then another. It was just Leorio. The older teen was scolding Killua who had a petulantly stubborn look on his face with his hands shoved in his pockets. Gon was laughing, rubbing the back of his head as he kicked his shoe against the marble flooring. Seriously… the whole entrance hall was made of white marble with black veins. That wasn’t even mentioning the dark shimmering pillars that looked just like the ones in the dining room sans monsters. The carpet was a rich red, so dark that at night it probably looked like a giant pool of blood or something.

The Zoldycks had way too much money.

“Why did you freeze?”

He cocked his head towards Kalluto who had stayed by his side. Outside of the darkened dungeon floors, Jasper had noticed that Kalluto’s eyes were a soft pink that looked almost like fresh gum on the sidewalk. In his room when he’d gone on a spree digging through his closets- yes, multiples because why not apparently- the excited sparkle had brightened them to a color he’d once seen on a flower in a book. Now in the light of the day Kalluto’s eyes almost glowed, reflecting the sunlight like beads of dew on a fresh pink rose. 

“Freezing up like an idiot will get you killed.”

He flinched, knocked from his admiration at the disdainful note in the other boy’s voice. 

“Maybe if you weren’t so pretty I wouldn’t freeze up,” Jasper scoffed out in response, mind still half circling around the boy’s eyes.

“Wha- That has nothing to do with-!”

Seemingly at a loss for words, Kalluto spun around and stomped off with cheeks flushed once again.

“What did you say to him,” an amused voice questioned. Kurapika was making his way over while Leorio was still raging about them disappearing for hours.

“I called him pretty again,” Jasper admitted easily.

The blonde’s lips twitched in the corner. Instead of commenting further, he gestured to the pile of clothes Jasper was clutching. “Well, what’s all this?”

“Killua was determined to get me clothes so he tracked down his younger brother. Kalluto gave me all of these,” he hefted it up a bit helplessly. “Said he wasn’t allowed to wear most of it anyway so it didn’t matter.”

“Hm. He seems like a sweet kid.”

“Does he? He forced all these on me and I have no idea what to do with them. That’s not very nice in my book.”

Kurapika chuckled. “Well, we’re still waiting on Menchi so I’m sure we can get a backpack or something for you.”

Waiting on Menchi? “Where is she?”

“Trading recipes.”

Oh. Right. His suffering with those stupid vests was never going to end! He groaned audibly, shifting his feet already dreading the training.

Getting stronger is never a bad thing. Your noodle arms need work.

“Shut up, Harry.”

In short order, Jasper had already been given something that looked like a bag that could be thrown over his shoulder, across his chest so it would settle on his hip by another butler. This one looked older and more severe with a pair of glasses perched on his nose. The clothes had been packed in neat rolls, stuffing the bag almost full with Kurapika’s help. 

As a distraction, the same butler who’d handed him the bag had started a game of ‘find the coin’ to keep everyone occupied. Leorio was the first to lose, Kurapika was the second. Kalluto ended up being the third to guess wrong when another butler- standing on the other side of the room- ended up with the coin. He dropped out with pursed lips that looked suspiciously like a huffy pout.

Gon ended up failing next when the severe butler ended up not having it at all. Jasper called him out for using a common trick that he himself was good at, saying it was in his sleeve. Killua agreed and ended up crowing their victory when a smile crossed the butler’s face and he dropped the coin into his hand from his sleeve.

Before another round could be started- a whining Gon still saying that trick had been unfair- Menchi sauntered into the entrance Hall, Zeno following her with a small smile. Jasper could easily make out the rolling bag she was dragging behind her. He groaned softly again, knowing exactly what was in that bag. 

“Well, everyone! Looks like we’re all set. Let’s go,” the teal haired woman announced happily.

Chapter Text

The goodbyes were quick and the group of eight were on their way. Apparently Zeno had arranged transportation as they were driven down the mountain on a side path and dropped in the city rather quickly. They had been wandering, Jasper poking his head into the shops they hadn’t taken the time to look at before. He didn’t know what exactly he was looking for but the urge for… something had been increasingly more annoying ever since he woke up so many weeks ago. There were just so many people out and about and- and...

He supposed he could ask Harry but would the teen even know if Jasper didn’t? 

No. Whatever this feeling was, it was Jasper’s alone otherwise Harry definitely would have said something. He’d just have to figure it out on his own. He rubbed his burning eyes with a grumble. He was still tired but it helped that they were moving. He could probably take a nap on the transport or something.

He left the lastest shop with a huff, wandering back over to his friends just as Killua pulled a face at Gon. “Why are you so damn stubborn!”

“Huh…? Why are you suddenly asking me this?”

“You passed the Hunter Exam! There’s no reason you should be here on a visitor visa!”

Leorio snorted from slightly ahead of the boys, turning his head back to speak to them. “We told him that too. He wouldn’t listen.”

Gon puffed his cheeks out. “I made a decision,” he declared. “I’ll only use it when I finish what I have to do.”

Hm. Jasper did vaguely remember something about that. It had been a curious thing to say but he’d been so distracted by, well, literally everything else that he hadn’t thought to question it much. Now that it was being brought back up again he was rather curious to know what it was all about.

Apparently so was Killua as he immediately asked about it.

“Well, first I have to thank the people who have helped me. I want to find Kite and give him back his license.” Who the heck was Kite? Had Gon ever mentioned him before?

Not around us, he hasn’t.

“And then I have to give back,” he paused, digging a hand into his pocket, his tongue sticking out with the apparent effort, “this!”

Clutched in his hand was a small circular piece of plastic with the number 44 stamped on it.

That’s from the Hunter Exam, Harry hummed, clearing up Jasper’s confusion. Pretty sure it belonged to the carnival demon too.

The what?

“I’ve decided to give this back to Hisoka with my fist to his face!” Gon declared passionately. 

“Hoo boy, that’ll be one hell of a reunion,” Menchi muttered, stepping up next to Jasper. The wheels of the bag clicking on the stone pavement was just loud enough to hear over the din of the people bustling around them. There weren’t a lot of people but it was enough to create some street noise as they finished passing through the marketplace area of the city.

“Ah. Ok. So, you know where Hisoka is?” 

Gon paused, mouth half open to respond and stared at Killua. Killua stared back.

Jasper snickered, raising a hand to cover his mouth. Kalluto, who’d been standing slightly behind Killua with his fan half raised to cover the lower portion of his face, had his eyes flicking between Gon and Killua watching the back and forth intently.

Kurapika was laughing softly too from next to Leorio. “I know, Gon,” the blonde spoke as he turned to continue their trek.

“Whoa, really!?” Gon hopped after them quickly, Killua following behind at a more sedate pace, hands shoved in his pockets. Jasper settled himself next to Kalluto as they moved on with Menchi following slightly behind them both. The younger boy glanced at him before facing forward dismissively. He had a feeling Kalluto was going to be a tough nut to crack so there was the very valid question of if he wanted to put in the effort. He already had Gon and Killua, after all. 

Kalluto was pretty easy to rile as far as he could tell though the boy never acted on it. It was cute to watch him storm away. If it was Killua, he knew the boy would respond with vigor. Gon would probably just laugh and draw him into a game.

“‘Concerning the Spider, I have some pretty interesting things to tell you.’ I never once told him about the Phantom Troupe though I suppose he could have heard about it from someone else or during the first phase. Whatever the reason, he called it ‘The Spider’ and only those familiar with it call it that. That’s why I was interested in the fact that Hisoka could have information.”

The conversation in front of him drew his attention rather quickly when ‘spiders’ was mentioned. His first thought was of Mimi but he never told the blonde about her and it didn’t really sound like he was talking about an actual spider.

“I see.” Leorio had his head tilted back but his focus seemed to be on Kurapika next to him.

‘ I don’t ,’ Jasper wanted to say but there was still more information to be had apparently so he kept his mouth shut. Information gathering at its finest.

“After the meeting I asked him to tell me what he knew but he only responded with, ‘On September 1st I’ll wait for you in York New city.’”

“The first of September? That’s over six months away!”

“Why York New? What’s happening there?”

Gon and Killua spoke at the same time.

“The biggest auction in the world,” Leorio claimed, snapping his fingers as if he remembered something.

“That’s right.” Kurapika bobbed his head in a small nod before continuing, “Between the 1st and the 10th of September.”

“You think they’ll be there?”

“Possibly. Even if they’re not, numerous people who have relations with them will surely be. That’s all I can tell you. Hisoka will be there that day.”

“Okay!” Gon gave a determined nod and Jasper finally felt like he could ask his questions.

“I’m missing a lot. Who are the Phantom Troupe… the Spiders? You mentioned them last night, Kurapika.”

The blonde stopped, eyes flickering over to him. “Ah. That’s right… you wouldn’t know unless someone told you. They are a notorious band of high-class thieves. They killed my family for their eyes. I am… the last Kurta because of them.”

He sucked in a sharp breath. He couldn’t imagine what he’d be like if his family was killed. He was just separated from his own, they were still alive! 

He couldn’t afford to think otherwise.  

“Oh.”

“Don’t worry about it, Jasper,” Kurapika said kindly. He bobbed his head awkwardly, the feeling of wanting to hide his face back in full force. “Well, I’m going to leave you guys here.”

There was an immediate outcry from Gon and Leorio; Kurapika managed to placate them while the rest of them stood around watching. The blonde chuckled when the noise finally died down. “Alright guys. From now on I’m going to start looking seriously into work as a Hunter. I have a mentor to track down too,” he finished with an amused smile.

“Whew, that’s right,” Leorio sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Honestly, I should probably take off too. I have a lot of studying to do, you know!”

Menchi snorted. “After all that protesting and you just decide to take off too? What the hell! I only took on one brat and now you’re leaving me with four of them?”

Kalluto and Killua frowned in offense in unison making Jasper snicker. Gon, though, was too busy whining at Leorio leaving to notice the exchange.

“Let’s all just promise to meet up in York New on the 1st,” Jasper found himself saying after wrestling down his amusement.

“Great idea,” Gon cheered, spinning in place.

“Alright, alright,” Kurapika laughed.

Leorio huffed, the smile on his face threatening to turn into a grin. “Sounds good to me.”

Killua shrugged, “If Gon is going, I’ll go too.”

Kalluto was quiet, snapping his fan open to cover his mouth. The pressure of everyone’s eyes seemed to goad him into a nod though.

“Well, guess that settles that,” Menchi huffed.

Jasper watched Gon pout at Killua with only half an ear on their conversation. Killua was ranting about Gon’s need to get stronger and Jasper could agree that it was never a bad thing at the very least. But he was also more focused on watching Kalluto who had been eerily silent since they’d left the Zoldyck estate. The boy didn’t look physically discomfited, walking with a soft grace even in those weird wooden sandals that somehow worked with his outfit. But he stuck rather close to Killua and his pink eyes were constantly flitting about to everyone that they would pass. He’d caught Kalluto’s eyes a few times now and again, but they would always dart away before he could say anything.

A finger poked the back of his head and Jasper whirled around with a flinch.

“You keep staring at that kid and he’s gonna burst into flames.”

He pouted at his blue-haired teacher- who he totally still hadn’t accepted yet!- scratching the spot she poked. “I think he’s nervous.”

She raised an unimpressed eyebrow. “You know he can hear you?”

“So?”

Menchi snorted, her fist coming up to partially cover her amused smile. “Alright, runt. Do whatever you want.”

“I will.” He stuck his tongue out at her and whirled around to catch up to Gon and Killua who were looking at some marks on the ground. Kalluto eyed him on the way past but he ignored the boy, more interested in his two friends at the moment.

“And where is Jasper?” he heard Gon ask as he approached.

Killua shot him a smirk over his shoulder and dragged a line way further away. Jasper peered curiously at the marks in the dirt. It looked like faces with lines attached to them?

“What’s this?”

Gon smiled at him. “It’s how Killua thinks we measure up in strength.”

“Jasper is all the way over here,” Killua half yelled.

“Oh, wow! That’s even past me!”

“What,” he yelped. “I can totally beat you right now, Gon!”

“You wanna try it?”

“Bring it!”

“Absolutely not,” Menchi growled, stepping up behind them. “I’m not here to babysit unruly kids, dammit!”

“Aw, but Miss Menchi-!”

“No!”

Killua sauntered back over with the stick he’d been using propped on his shoulder. “Nutty here is physically weaker than… well, all of us-”

“Hey!”

“Not that I’ve seen him fight,” Killua continued, unbothered. Kalluto was looking at the lines on the ground situated slightly behind his older brother. 

Hold your tongue, Jasper.

With more effort than it should have taken, he snapped his mouth closed, the ‘Because you stuck your fist into my chest’ getting no farther than his teeth. He didn’t know why Killua calling him weak burned at him so badly. It’s not like it wasn’t exactly true. Menchi had even once told him that he’d be behind his friends in the strength department for a while because of his lack of eating for so long. He’d worked hard- despite his annoyance and complaints- over the past weeks to get to where he was and he was proud of it. To have that thrown aside-

“Jasper got a lot stronger while on our way to get you,” Gon laughed. Jasper’s chest eased and his next breath didn’t burn. “What about Kalluto?”

Killua flicked his eyes at his brother who had startled at the address. “Hm. Probably about here?” 

His stick dragged a line about halfway down Gon’s line. That meant Kalluto was stronger than Jasper and… that was annoying.

“And you, Killua?”

“Here!” The line was only halfway down Kalluto’s.

“Wow! You’re really strong!”

“Don’t say that with such a happy face,” Killua hissed, his ears flushing. It was so similar to his little brother’s reaction to embarrassment that Jasper burst out laughing.

“Whoah, you can see it from here,” Jasper exclaimed, shoving his face into the window to watch their descent. The city surrounding the tower was densely packed building, most of which were white which reflected the sun making it look really sparkly. He could make out incredibly busy streets, tiny people walking through the streets like little rats following a set path.

“Yep,” Menchi hummed from her chair, sharpening one of her knives. He still had no idea where she kept those. She constantly pulled them out of thin air. “That’s Heaven’s Arena alright.”

The gleeful malice in her voice made a shiver run down his spine, but Jasper was already resigned to whatever torture she was going to try to put him through. If it was in the name of getting stronger so he could find his family, he’d suffer through it.

“It looks really funny,” Gon said, leaning around Jasper so he could stare at the large structure standing proudly smack in the middle of the city. “Like a really thin ant hill or something.”

Surprisingly, Kalluto was the next to speak, his voice soft and quiet. “The architecture was largely slipshod. The tower itself has been around for centuries and add ons were always a last minute thing. It is unique because it is the fourth tallest building in the world but also for its strange architectural history. Even to this day, wings are constantly being rebuilt and there’s been rumors that they’re planning to try for three hundred rooms.”

Gon whipped around as Jasper peered over his shoulder in a reversal of their earlier positions. “Whoah! You know a lot! Just like Killua!”

The flush that spread across the younger boy’s face was definitely a pleased one considering his proud shoulders and the smallest tilt in the corner of his lips.

“Fashion and history have always been Kalluto’s big passions,” Killua hummed from where he was lounging on the floor. The white haired boy was flat on his back, his hands settled across his chest and eyes closed as if he were trying to sleep. Jasper just thought he was bored once Kalluto kept him from picking at his hands. Thankfully, Jasper himself had already taken his nap at the beginning of the trip and was wide awake right now.

“Y-you knew… that?”

A blue eye cracked open a sliver to look at his little brother who was staring as if he’d heard the most astonishing news of his life. Jasper cocked his head at the expression, his hair brushing against Gon’s cheek. Besides huffy, this was the most expressive he’d seen the brunette be so far. He wondered why that was.

“Of course, I know that,” Killua grumbled, his eyes closing again. “You’re my little brother.”

Kalluto’s lip wobbled briefly before he pulled himself together when he noticed others watching. With a haughty sniff, Kalluto turned back to the paper he’d been folding ever since the start of the airship ride. It had several complicated looking pieces, each folded meticulously into a shape that made absolutely no sense to Jasper.

Killua watched the brutality of the multiple rings below him with amusement. The registration had been short and now here he was gazing nostalgically at all the fighting. Not that any of them were going to stay down here for long. This is just where the weaklings dwelled. But it was the starting point for riches and training. He grinned, clenching his aching hands in his pockets. It wasn’t going to be as much of a workout as he wanted but doing something after all this time was going to feel great!

He swept his eyes across the floor again, letting out a content sigh. “Nothing’s changed at all.”

“What do you mean? You’ve been here before?”

Killua glanced back at Gon, his grin becoming more smug. Gon was such an idiot but he was an idiot that seemed to want Killua around so he wasn’t letting go of his friend any time soon. “Of course I have. Dad sent me here when I was six. The first time around, it took me two years to reach the 200th floor.”

He plopped on a bench, noting that Kalluto slid silently onto the bench behind him and Gon. His lips twitched as he tilted his head back, searching. Ah. Nutty was arguing with the Hunter Lady further up the stairs. With an easy breath he turned back to Gon and continued speaking. “It should be fine but if we have to fight someone like Hisoka we’ll never make it to the top.”

His friend grimaced next to him and Killua honestly felt the same. Hisoka was a monster with some really nasty bloodlust and he moved just as fast as Illumi. They’d stand absolutely no chance. Especially as the older man had some weird interest in Gon ever since the first phase of the exam. Killua wasn’t blind. He’d definitely noticed those gold eyes following their party on more than one occasion and he wanted absolutely nothing to do with the weirdo pervert clown man.

He glanced back over to Nutty and couldn’t help but snort at the absolutely put upon expression on his face. He was wearing the children’s training vest from the mansion and his teacher was standing next to him with a smug smile.

Gon looked over too and gave an awkward laugh while rubbing the back of his head. “Jas is really lucky that he can keep up with the strength training but he always looks so… um…”

“Disgruntled?”

“What does that mean?”

Killua snorted in amusement. “Unhappy basically.”

“Then, yeah!”

“ 1973 and 2055 to Ring E, please! ”

Gon stiffened and out a squeak “Oh! That’s me! I’m so nervous.”

He scoffed, brushing some imaginary lint off his shoulder. “Don’t be. You passed the testing gate, right? You just have to,” he leaned in with a catty grin, finishing in a whisper, “push with a blow.”

Gon gave a nod and hopped up. Jasper replaced him rather quickly, plopping down heavily with a few vicious comments under his breath. An eyebrow slowly inched up Killua’s forehead in mixed amusement and shock at some of the words coming out of Nutty’s mouth. He didn’t think his crazy midget friend had it in him. Then again, they had found him covered in blood after the trick tower.

“That’s physically impossible, runt,” the hunter huffed as she plopped down on the benches behind them. Kalluto let out the slightest huff of annoyance that Killua was sure only he heard. It made him smirk internally. His little brother had been annoyed a lot on this trip and the white haired assassin felt it was only justified payback for getting stuck with a family member when he was finally set ‘free’. Not that he minded Kalluto much, it was just that the other boy just hung around Mother a little too much for his liking. Kalluto was his least annoying brother, only second as a sibling to Alluka.

He shook his head. He couldn’t think about his little sister right now. He wasn’t strong enough to save her yet and dwelling on it would only depress him.

“Oh that was fast,” Nutty murmured quietly.

He blinked and turned towards the arena to see Gon blinking his hand. “Ah! I missed it!”

“That’s your own fault for not paying attention.”

“Shut it, Nutcase!”

“Oi! How many times-!”

“ 2056 and 2084 to ring D !”

“Ugh.” Jasper pushed himself up and Killua watched him trudge down the stairs in amusement. Honestly, Nutty was definitely different from before and yet his reactions were almost exactly the same. It made him feel like the Nutty he was dealing with now was still the real deal. 

He hadn’t ruined everything.

The match was between tiny little Jasper and a tall man in an unbuttoned button up and slacks with chiseled abs on display. Killlua had absolute faith that even his tiny friend would be able to handle it. Until-

“He froze again,” Kalluto hummed, the cloth of his kimono rustling as he leaned forward.

“Damn. What the hell could have triggered him?” the hunter asked at almost the exact same moment as his younger brother.

He remembered that trembling, the way those hands gripped at dark hair. Was he mumbling just like that day? 

Killua’s hand throbbed and his gaze was drawn down like a magnet. Sharp nails- sticky blood-!

“Don’t touch me!”

Even above the din in the already crowded hall, Nutty’s voice was as clear as a gong. His head jerked up at the overwhelming pressure that suddenly flooded the room, the rage filled malice choking him immediately.

If his eyes weren’t glued to the scene he never would have caught the transition of the eyes changing color mid move. When Nutty had jerked his opponent over his shoulder in a move that should have been inhuman- especially for his puny friend- the body language abruptly changed and instead of popping the man’s head open on the floor of the ring, he was chucked out of bounds landing with a vicious crack against the far wall.

Killua swallowed harshly, flexing his hands and refusing to look at them again for fear that he might see the stains. He could still feel the lingering warmth and viscous fluid sticking to his fingers even as he logically knew there was nothing there. But his own messed up trauma wasn’t nearly as important as making sure Jasper was okay. He stood up slowly following after the Gourmet Hunter that had already made her way down to the rings, barely listening to the small tak tak of Kalluto following behind.

By the time he made it down there, Gon was already chatting with Nutty- No, the eyes were still green. That meant that this was Harry- with Menchi pinching her nose standing next to both of them.

“Hello Killua, Kalluto. Sorry to officially meet you this way.”

“What happened to Nutty,” he demanded, choosing to ignore the greeting in favor of making sure he was still breathing it wasn’t like that day no blood no injuries Jasper was alive Nutty wasn’t going to do something so stupid like freeze in front of someone again.

Harry’s hand came up to tap the lower lip of his smile. “Jasper has such good friends. I’m really glad, you know. He’s fine by the way. That man looked eerily similar to someone from before so he saw something else for a moment. I didn’t want him to kill someone by accident again so I took over.”

“Again!?” Menchi suddenly straightened her posture and scruffed the back of Harry’s training vest, lifting him off the ground like an unruly kitten. “That’s it, you little punk! I’ve been nice, but I think you need a better training regimen!”

“Wha- Menchi, wait! How is more bloody training supposed to help- Ah! I said wait, dammit!”

The three other boys were left to watch her snatch the ticket from the referee and march away with a protesting Harry.

“I’m impressed she managed to lift all that weight with one arm,” Kalluto spoke, breaking the tenuous silence between them.

Killua blinked. “Now that you mention it…”

“Shouldn’t we be a little more worried about Jasper and Harry?” Gon asked, turning to stare at both of them.

The white haired assassin pondered that for a moment. “Nah. We’ll catch up to them in a minute. Kalluto and I will finish this up really quick, isn’t that right?”

Kalluto closed his eyes and gave a small bow of acknowledgment. When he opened them again there was steel shining through. Killua wondered why his younger brother seemed so serious all of a sudden. He knew that Kalluto liked him but he hadn’t said anything super important, had he? 

“Of course, big brother. This is nothing for a Zoldyck.”

Oh, that was probably it. Family pride.

Chapter Text

“Oof!”

Harry landed on his feet, stumbling only a moment before he righted himself. With a grumble, he righted  the vest so it wasn’t pinching at his neck. The fabric was coarse under his fingers, the metal plates inserted beneath giving it a feeling almost like hide armor. He took a moment to adjust his stance into a steadier one while he breathed in the cooled air from the building's air conditioner. It stank of sweat and musk but it was still a far sight better than the previous place filled with a heavy stink and the grunts and smacks of flesh on flesh. It had been rather close to another experience that he never ever wanted to think of again.

Despite the way he was removed from the ring floor, he was actually glad to be away from the noise of it all. He hadn’t been expecting to have to jump forward like that but when Jasper lost himself for a moment he didn’t want a repeat of the Trick Tower. The kid already had so much on his plate and the guilt Jasper was carrying from Camo did not need to be repeated in somebody new.

Now, he was here, in the physical again, trying to get used to the heavy feeling of his limbs, especially with that vest that had been forced onto Jasper earlier. Ugh… It really was annoying. No wonder Jasper complained about it.

Told you so, Jasper harrumphed.

“I’ve been waiting for this moment~!”

Harry shivered, his fingers clutching at the neckline of the vest, nails scratching at the material unpleasantly. For some reason, that happy go lucky voice sounded even worse than Snape calling him out in that first year potions class.

“Harry~ Look at me.”

Good luck.

Jasper was such a little brat.

With a sigh, he turned to face their sweetly smiling teal haired mentor. “What?”

Her eyelid twitched. “You’re a rude little snot too. But whatever, attitude doesn’t matter right now. What’s most important is that you need to come out more often.”

“What…?”

I don’t get it.

Neither did Harry.

“By the blank look on your face, you’re confused. Let me explain!” She propped a hand on her hip, her face becoming serious. “You come out to protect your alter ego, Jasper. That's not a bad thing until you’re up against an opponent that’s way above your level.”

Harry stiffened, one hand immediately dropping to the scar on their forearm. Menchi’s eyes followed the movement and her mouth twisted into a scowl. With a sigh, she ran her fingers through her bangs before dragging her hand down her face. “I see you already know what I mean. Well, I won’t ask what happened but you were probably lucky right?”

Yes… he’d been very lucky. If their previous mentor hadn’t shown up…

“Right. I noticed it before but that match down in the ring proves it. You and Jasper move differently. Jasper is all about balance and speed to help with dodging but you seem to have a more sturdy stance, blocking a hit instead of dodging it. When Jasper went to flip your opponent it was an entirely avoidant move that would have put him in a better place to land a devastating strike from behind. But you took over and relied on brute strength to launch the man out of the ring.”

“I never… noticed,” he said quietly, thinking over the implications. She was wrong about what Jasper had intended to do but that didn’t mean she wasn’t wrong about the move in general. Jasper would have crushed the man’s skull against the stone floor if he’d followed through with the second part of the move, but the original was one that had been used several times to flip a fight to their advantage. It was something that Jasper had been taught by their previous mentor, not that the kid would remember that...

Still, it made sense. They were two completely different people with different experiences and Harry himself used to have an entirely different build. He’d been good at defense and shields before, which would make him now more prone to taking a hit instead of dodging. He hadn’t been around when Jasper had learned from their previous mentor and hadn’t gotten any instruction from him so it would be to his advantage to take Menchi up on her offer.

“Hmph. You can’t see yourself from the outside so that’s not surprising, but do you understand why you need to come out more?”

He could hear Jasper quietly humming in their mind, probably thinking over everything too. Cold air brushed against his cheeks and he shivered. What had once been pleasant was now starting to make him shiver in the hallway. His arms folded over the hard metal plates crushing them against his stomach in a sad attempt at getting warmth. He’d never liked the cold, especially after the many many times he’d almost lost fingers and toes to it. 

“I do. I need to learn too.”

Ha! I’m not going to be the only one suffering anymore, Jasper whooped.

But Harry didn’t feel like responding to the mini celebration. He was too stuck on the thought that he could have been better from the start. He’d been busy trying to patch the fading barrier in Jasper’s mind but he had time, he should have been working hard too. After what had happened to Sirius- 

As long as Harry was here, he wouldn’t let anything like that happen to Jasper.

“Alright, Menchi. Teach me, please.”

“That’s the spirit! Why don’t we start out with having you around for longer periods of time. That way you can get used to being around without being overwhelmed.”

She’d noticed that?

Overwhelmed? Harry, what is she talking about?

He didn’t want to have to explain that, instead choosing to ignore Jasper who started whining at him.

“Sounds good, I guess. You want me to stay out now?”

“No time like the present time! Oh, look. Here comes the munchkin squad.”

Menchi was right. Gon, Killua, and Kalluto were exiting the main door to the arena and already making their way over to the duo.

“Harry, you’re still out,” Gon said, his smile bright and happy.

“Yes. I’ll likely be out for longer periods of time now. Jasper can’t hog all the training,” he sniffed. His lips twitched in the corners when he got a happy cheer from the olive skinned child. Killua and Kalluto were quieter but he did get a sassy, “Story time,” from the white haired boy which made Jasper whine louder.

“Alright brats, let’s get up to the next floor so we can turn in your tickets. I want to be on the 100th floor by the end of tonight, understand!?”

“So pushy,” Harry sighed, ignoring the daggers being stared into the side of his face. 

Hm. If Menchi was making him stay out, that meant that she was pushing for him to be doing all these fights. He felt a slight hint of apprehension, but mostly… he was really eager to see what he could do. Most of his time spent in this body had been spent running away or healing themselves, but he’d never gotten the chance to fight someone so outright. All he had to go on were Jasper’s memories and putting those into practice were going to be a lot different than just knowing it. They didn’t have the muscle memory for this and Jasper’s learned style was far different than Harry’s own protective ‘dueling’ style.

Well, looks like he was just going to have to figure this out on his own.

The trip to the elevator was short, as was the quick ten floor win or loss explanation (which meant they’d have to get five more wins by the end of today to satisfy Menchi… ugh). Harry hardly paid attention, still lost in his own thoughts about a fighting style more suited to him that could work with Jasper’s body. 

At least until another boy hopped into the elevator. 

While Menchi lamented another kid joining her increasing squadron of children, Harry took a moment to look over the boy. He was short, definitely younger than him, and had a rigid stance even as he was just standing still. Harry cocked his head taking in the short hair and the almost comically stern look on the younger boy’s chubby face. What an uncommonly serious looking child.

No one said anything until they had already arrived on the 50th floor and it was the younger boy who dropped into a sudden almost perfect bow. 

“Ossu! I’m Zushi.”

Harry stepped out of the elevator behind the rest of everyone else and leaned his back against the wall to avoid the other people walking down the hallway. He glanced at everyone walking by them, trying to see if anyone was a threat while also looking for an exit of any sort. Most places they could hop out of windows but on the 50th floor? He was definitely going to have to look for alternatives.

That’s a good idea, Harry. I don’t think I like this place , Jasper admitted uneasily. The other boy’s presence was stretching and retracting filled with anxiety.

It was a good thing Harry was in control then.

Yes, it is! You can just… stay out there. I’m gonna… look for stuff in here… if you need me.

Harry frowned, his chin tucking into his collarbones. He hadn’t realized Jasper would be so afraid of heights. Had this ever happened before? No. Heights couldn’t be it. Jasper had been fine during the second phase of the Exam and he loved to travel in airships so where was this sudden nervousness coming from?

Oh, wait. He shuddered, feeling his skin crawl in disgust at the memory. 

He glanced at the hallways again, his foot tapping against the squeaky clean linoleum, listening to the nearly inaudible tap beneath his raggedy shoe. His shoes weren’t making the right noise,  but some of the other people in this hallway…

Yea, it definitely wasn’t the height.

But that Jasper was feeling that anxiety from just a sound like this was not a good sign. The barrier was getting worse and Jasper was a nosy little bugger just like Harry could be. He only hoped Jasper would let it progress naturally instead of trying to poke holes. Harry at least knew how to poke in the right spots to keep the rest of it up for as long as possible.

“Harry!”

He startled, his nen immediately flaring and settling into Ten protectively. 

Wide eyes stared at him. He stared back, slightly bewildered and trying to still his twitching fingers by clenching them into fists against the new pair of jeans they’d been gifted.

“Sorry. I spaced,” he hummed after a moment. “What did I miss?”

Menchi’s hand went up to rub above her eyebrows as she turned a ‘see what I have to deal with’ look to the new man standing next to her. With a bird’s nest of hair (that was oddly reminiscent of his Potter looks) and a messily half-tucked shirt, the new guy stood only slightly taller than Menchi. His glasses were slightly too wide for his genial face but overall his presence was non-threatening. Harry already disliked him, well used to the genial smiles like his old Headmaster’s and quite a few of the older Slytherins from Hogwarts. Don’t ever trust appearances. It was a hard lesson that he was still working on even after everything Jasper had been through as well.

“We met Zushi and his Master, Wing! And Miss Menchi knows Master Wing!”

With the helpful comment from Gon, Harry dipped his head in greeting. “Sorry, really. I’m not used to… so many people.”

He glanced down the plain white hallways again, taking in the lack of decorations as people swarmed to and fro like ants.

“Not a problem at all,” Wing chuckled. “It’s a pleasure to meet Menchi’s apprentice. I don’t think she’s ever taken one before even though she’s such an accomplished Hunter.”

“Ah. I hadn’t known that,” he muttered, sending a confused look over to the aforementioned Hunter. Her muscled arms were crossed under her chest and her chin was raised in a particular way that Harry had always categorized as snobby. 

“That’s right! This runt will go places if he ever decides he wants to!” That… was actually a very nice comment that made Harry’s face feel a little warm. 

He discreetly stuck his tongue out at Killua who seemed to be silently laughing at him. Gon was all smiles right next to their white haired friend,  but Kalluto was still just as quiet and withdrawn. The newest boy Zushi was watching everything with wide eyes, seemingly intent on memorizing everything here. “Actually, now that you’re here Wing, I’d like to ask a favor. Hey, brats! Go turn your tickets in and get ready for your next fight!”

“Hey, Killua, can I speak to you for a moment?”

After hopping all the way to the 100th floor, in large part due to Menchi’s sadistic shoving, they had all finally been assigned individual rooms… Except Menchi who had decided that she was stealing one of the boy’s rooms, so someone was going to have to bunk with someone else. That had yet to be decided, though. Currently, he had a more pressing concern on his mind.

With a shrug from the assassin, he brought the other boy into one of the assigned rooms and closed the door behind them. 

At this point of the day, the sun had fully set so the only lighting in the room was from a desk lamp that was situated by the small bed. It was a bare room all in all; the walls were painted a soft cream, the bed was placed in the middle of the room with a desk and chair at the foot of it. Two small nightstands were on either side of the bed at the head, one adorned with a lamp and the other bare. Across the room was the door to the bathroom but he hadn’t seen anything in there yet, completely uninterested in that until he had this conversation.

With a sigh he kicked off the ratty shoes, relishing the give of the plush brown carpet beneath his aching feet. It was nothing fancy, but it beat having to walk around on a cold wooden floor, especially with all his muscles spasming in weird places from wearing the vest. Honestly, they’d only just barely gotten used to it at the Zoldyck estate and now here Harry was stuck in the bloody thing. It’s a good thing he was a stubborn bastard otherwise he would have given up hours ago. It wasn’t that the fights were particularly hard considering he just lightly kicked people out of bounds but...

“So, what’d you wanna talk about?”

Harry’s green eyes fluttered open, taking a moment to answer just to needle at the shifty boy standing across from him. He wasn’t one to poke fun normally, but seeing Killua’s reactions to Jasper were amusing and he wanted to know if he could get the same result. It was rather adorable to watch, after all.

Finally, when it looked like Killua might blow a fuse, he responded, “Let me see your hands.”

Killua spluttered, clear offense written on his features. Harry wasn’t stupid though, and he could be really observant when he wanted to be. Today, he had definitely wanted to be even if it was just as a distraction from everything else. Focusing on one person gave him the chance to work through all the other sensory input he’d been getting all day and he felt far more settled into this body than any time he’d been out previously.

He’d noticed quite quickly that Killua had only started using his hands, getting through one match with his left and three with his right, before he resorted to using his leg in the final fight for the night. Killua kept his scarred hands pocketed so Harry wasn’t 100% sure about his theory but it was better to be safe than sorry. Besides that, he couldn’t help but compare himself to Killua and wince at the similarities. If the boy was truly hiding his pain… it was far too similar to the detentions he used to suffer with Umbridge for Harry’s liking. He had a means of soothing that pain and he wasn’t about to let Killua suffer like he did. Hermione had forced help onto him and Harry would pay back that kindness by doing the same for Jasper’s friend.

“You have pretty sharp ears, kid. You heard me.”

“I’m not going to show my hands to you out of nowhere!”

“No? Why not?”

“Because that’s a weird demand!”

Harry tilted his head, taking in the defensive posture Killua had subtly curled into. From the lumps in his shorts pockets, he’d also curled his hands into fists. Everything about him screamed ready-to-run and Harry was definitely unpleasantly reminded of himself.

He let out a long sigh through his nose. He didn’t want to make this worse but he wasn’t exactly sure how to make this better either.

Maybe ask him? Or just explain why you’re asking?

Jasper sometimes had good ideas.

Hey!

“Look. Your hands are hurt, right? I can help. I want to help.”

Not particularly eloquent, but sometimes Jasper’s bluntness could come in handy. Harry wasn’t sure why Jasper’s own blunt phrasing seemed to work better than his own when he was still in Hogwarts. Maybe because Jasper had no boundaries most of the time?

“Tch. I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m fine.”

“And I’m the rear end of a Hippogriff.”

“A what?”

“Look. I know what a bloody stubborn kid I was. I still am. And that’s exactly why I know that you’re in pain. I have the means to help you and I won’t tell anyone. But if you don’t let me help, I’m definitely telling Gon.”

Killua flinched.

Harry smirked. 

Killua wasn’t particularly hard to read for Harry. After watching him from Jasper’s eyes and then spending most of today observing the boy… he’d come to the conclusion that Gon was Killua’s weakness. He seemed to care for Jasper too (if the obsessive glances checking over his health were any indication), but Gon was a special boy that seemed to have dived straight into Killua’s heart. When he’d first had a coherent thought about this Jasper had felt surprised and Harry had had to spend a good half hour trying to explain that some people clicked easily and others took work. Not to mention, there was now a trauma between Killua and Jasper and while Harry was good at ignoring things he didn’t want to acknowledge- and Killua was shaping up to be the same- Jasper definitely wasn’t that way. If they weren’t careful it would cause friction and possibly a rift in their new friendship.

And it was rather new. They’d barely known each other for two months. Harry was still very aware that these friendships probably wouldn’t last but Jasper was stuck on them. Not that he could blame the boy. Jasper had been starved for safe affection for years now and he was greedily lapping it up. Sure, he had some suspicions, he was still wary of them turning on him (not without reason) but Jasper was a soft boy for love.

This was why Harry had to be even more careful in Jasper’s place. Friends were good but they could also be a fatal weakness. So, while Jasper still had these friends, Harry was going to do his damndest to watch out for them and make sure they could never hurt Jasper intentionally or otherwise.

And this whole situation… watching his friend suffer in silence? Jasper didn’t like it, so Harry was going to fix it.

“So. I’ll repeat myself just this once. Let me see your hands.”

“Agh! You’re aggravating, you know that?”

Harry smiled, accepting the pale scarred hands into his… into Jasper’s own hands.

“Takes one to know one,” he hummed. “Tch. Look what you did to yourself. With these kinds of wounds, there’s no way you’re fully healed and you fought with them? You’re such a little dumbass!”

“Ack! That hurts! Stop poking at it like that!”

“You shouldn’t have been stupid then, you bloody moron! These are definitely fractured!”

With these kinds of wounds there was definitely no way Killua had healed in any significant way unless it was with nen. Even then, healing nen was supposedly rare so who knew exactly how much he’d been fixed up on the inside. The outside could have just been sealed while the inside was still shredded. Why in the world would they have sent Killua out like this.

Harry paused at a sudden epiphany, his thumb still gently massaging over a particularly nasty scar on top of the middle knuckle.

It wasn’t that they’d let him go happily. The entire affair had seemed fishy, that mansion had given him the creeps, but they’d sent Kalluto along and Jasper and Harry both had noticed that Kalluto paid particular attention to Killua when he was messing with his hands. Which meant that his family did know about it. And they’d still let him go.

Harry's mouth twitched. What a very weird family.

“What’s with that stupid expression on your face?”

“Says the one who’s hands won’t stop shaking,” he quipped back before registering the words coming out of his mouth.

Whoops. He hadn’t meant that dig but it was too late now.

Killua glared at him, moving as if to pull his hands back, but Harry just gripped the boy’s wrists instead. “Sorry, sorry. I said I was going to help, and I will. I just needed an idea of what was wrong.” He frowned down at the purple scars intently. “My powers work best on fresh wounds but…”

“Powers? What are you even talking about,” Killua muttered sulkily.

“Nen, of course. We’ve mentioned it a few times, but I don’t exactly feel like explaining everything right now. Let’s just say each person has a power they can use and develop into something that suits they’re style. Healing isn’t exactly a specialty of mine but it was a necessity. So, let’s get this show on the road!”

With a cheerful grin in the face of Killua’s annoyed confusion, he summoned his nen, pulling it out into the air to summon the first tier of his healing ability. Small ghostly leaves sprouted over the taller boy’s hands, the small heart shaped bushels concentrated more on the sides of his hand. Not surprising considering that was where he whacked people in the neck.

“Wha-What are you doing…? The pain…”

Harry was tempted to needle some more but he wasn’t that petty. “I guess you can’t really see what’s happening. My ability allows me to summon plants that I know intimately and use them for healing purposes. This specific plant is called Dittany and it’s good for soothing pain and speeding the healing process. It’s not exactly perfect but in combination with Sage and Rosemary…” The aforementioned plants bloomed into ghostly existence as soon as the dittany had withered, it’s job complete. “Your bones should be knit back together completely if I do this once a day for the next three days. The only thing I can’t guarantee is that they’ll be completely straight. They felt fine to me, but I’m not an x-ray machine.”

He shrugged nonchalantly at the horrified look on the kids face. Harry was pretty confident in broken and fractured bones. He knew exactly what they felt like due to so much experience and while Killua’s hands had fractured, they felt clean and weren’t out of place. He wasn’t going to say any of that though, far too amused by the gloomy horrified pallor that had suddenly fallen over Jasper’s friend. He almost looked like a limp wet noodle.

Then, the fire returned to Killua’s eyes just as the sage and rosemary withered and the spiky limbs of his last chosen plant bloomed into existence.

“What the hell am I supposed to do with crooked hands, huh?”

“Maybe you shouldn’t have broken them in the first place.”

“I’m going to throttle you,” the white haired boy seethed.

Considering Jasper was his friend and Harry currently occupied Jasper’s body, he was quite confident he was safe. Killua was also a sensitive kid just like Harry, so that was another layer of safety covered.

“No, you won’t,” he responded cheerfully. 

The aloe vera withered and he finally released the captive hands. Not that he really needed to hold them during that process considering he could bloom the plants anywhere around him in a 5 meter radius. It would be better in the long run for Killua to associate Jasper’s hands as something positive to hold, though. Trauma was never easy to deal with and Harry hoped that he could ease it while he was here, just a little bit.

Chapter Text

He could not understand why this pest wanted to come along. The reasoning given was arbitrary and the boy who was so like the monster in their dungeon stuck to Kalluto like a barnacle. What reasons had Jasper, supposed friend to his big brother, given to follow him?

“Because I can’t taste sweets and Menchi would kill me if I ate anything outside of her diet. Besides, you’re going alone and it’s not safe for pretty people to be alone!”

Kalluto’s brow twitched at the utter indignity. He could still feel the lingering heat that had suffused his face just the same as every other time he’d been called pretty by this annoyance. He snapped his fan open again so he could hide his frown behind it ( “An assassin is always in control of their every muscle,” Big Brother Illumi would scold him ) as he watched Jasper run into yet another clothing shop. That it was the same clothing shop Kalluto had stared at only a moment ago was not a surprise. He’d been doing the same thing the whole time they’d been out on the street and Kalluto knew exactly what would happen if he didn’t follow.

With a controlled release of air through his mouth, he followed after Jasper.

The beautiful Kimonos in the display, a dichotomy of dark fabric with a light pattern and a light fabric with a dark pattern, had been what attracted his eyes in the first place. If he was going to be forced into visiting shops then he might as well look at what he wanted, right?

“Hey, Kalluto! These things look like what you wear,” the older boy hummed, rocking back on his heels with a grin as soon as he finally entered the shop. “Do you want to get some?”

He looked around, noting that everything in here was Japponese. Bolts of colorful fabric were hung to show off the luxurious quality near the front desk manned by only one female clerk, and racks of kimonos were lined against the walls, a riot of color and patterns meant to attract the eye. It was exactly the kind of shop he’d been searching for when he was forced to split from his brother this morning. Jappon was a very insular country at this point of time and export only went out to major cities. With the commerce influx from the Heaven’s Arena he’d been hoping that there might be one around. Kalluto was used to Mother ordering from catalogues that used only the finest materials and stitchwork so he wanted to know how different it would be in person. It would be nice to be able to pick out his own clothes, ones that he could wear.

“I will browse,” he demurred, pointedly not looking at the way Jasper’s face lit up in his peripheral vision.

The experience was nothing like home. There he got brief glimpses on shiny pages before he was introduced to some fine new clothing item by Mother. It hadn’t always been that way. He remembered a time when he was younger, when he had a choice between more masculine cuts instead of the feminine style he wore today. He’d only wanted to try it once. He’d only wanted to attract big brother Killua’s attention. The monster had been able to do it with pretty clothing so that meant big brother Killua should look at him too, right?

Of course not.

Mother loved it, though. She cooed and cried how beautiful her son was and Kalluto never wore anything masculine again. There were so many clothes that he wanted to try on, so many new fads and fashions all over the world. Some were interesting, some tacky, some relatively stupid and nonfunctional, and others interesting and gorgeous. Grandpa had always allowed him to buy anything he wanted from those trends but…

He never wore any of it.

(“Mother, can I please try on the clothes I got for my birthday?”

“Oh, of course darling! Wait… what are these hideous things? No! No, no, no. Absolutely not! Where did you get those? Gotoh, throw these out right this instant!”)

He huffed silently and moved over towards the rack of kimonos, browsing through the darker colors. Black was always a wonderful base and he did have a fondness for royal blue. Purple was also a good base but it was not a color that was traditionally worn by commoners unless they wanted to look higher than their station so he doubted he would find any here. Instead, there was an interesting burgundy, the color of heroes and youth in Jappon, that had golden koi dancing around the bottom hem and climbing up the sleeves.

He contemplated it for a moment. It was a brighter color than he’d like but it was rather beautiful and the fabric was of a higher quality than most of the other ones on the rack.

“Oh, that’s a lovely choice, young miss!”

Kalluto stiffened.

(“Momma look! I wore the traditional Kimono today! That makes me your daughter, right?”

“Daughter? I only have sons! Sons! You. Are. A. Boy! There are only sons in the Zoldyck family!”

“Momma! Ow! I-I thought you’d like it! You always want me to be pretty!”

“Stop speaking nonsense, Kalluto! Take this off, right this instant!”

“You’re gonna tear it-! Momma, no!”)

“Hey lady! I know my friend is pretty but he’s a guy! Got it?”

Before he could open his mouth to snap that he didn’t need help, the clerk was already speaking again.

“Oh, my. My apologies, young man. You have beautiful features. It’s no wonder you wear the kimono to enhance them. This one in particular is one of our better offerings.”

“It’s fine,” he gritted out. 

The clerk smiled, her lips pinched with that same look he always saw when Mother was displeased. The lips were slightly too thin to be considered anything more than distastefully polite, the shoulders drew back in prideful offense, and the body straightened unconsciously as if she were going to release her wrath this very moment. The clerk was much the same but he could also make out the tightness in the corner of her eyes, not helped by the pulling of her ridiculously tight bun, and a glint that did not come from the artificial lighting of the store. If Mother’s eyes weren’t hidden under that visor, Kalluto imagined she would look much the same as this impudent woman.

His finger tapped against his fan, contemplating how much trouble he'd be in if he killed her. There was something distinctly sour settling in the back of his throat and Kalluto wanted it gone.

As soon as she opened her mouth again, he knew he wasn’t going to like what she said. “We do have our male wear in this section over here. Perhaps you’d prefer to browse it? As much as a Kimono suits your lovely features, they are meant for women.”

This whole outing was a mistake. He never should have left big brother’s side no matter how much he insisted. This was an important mission from Grandpa! ( But he had just wanted to see…)

His teeth ground together forcefully and-

Jasper was stepping in front of him, startling Kalluto into the slightest step backwards. He hadn’t even heard the boy move. “Hey, lady. If my pretty friend wants to wear pretty dress things then he could do what he wants.”

Kalluto abruptly flushed, the heat suffusing all the way up to his ears. “I’m not-”

But Jasper kept talking, his voice louder and sharper, “And if you’re gonna make fun of him for it, you’re not going to like the consequences, ugly hag.”

“Excuse me!? How dare a little mongrel like you-”

Ten minutes later, Kalluto was staring down at the brown bags holding multiple boxes, still trying to figure out exactly what happened. Logically, he knew the sequence of events. Insignificant clerk insults Kalluto, Jasper steps in, clerk insults Jasper, and suddenly the clerk passed out as Jasper flares his nen, and then they just… chose what they wanted and walked out. He knew what happened and somehow it still wasn’t processing. 

Kalluto had asked about leaving money because that’s how things were done, equivalent exchange and all, but Jasper had scoffed. “Stores are here to provide goods to the people. So, we take what we want within reason and everything is good, see? I’ve never had problems with this before unless they’re ugly people like that hag in there. So, I knocked her out to keep her from causing problems while you pick what you want.”

Maybe it was different for commoners? His family was definitely paid for contracts even if he’d never actually seen money exchanging hands before. Was there some secret process to using money that he wasn’t aware of? Because what just happened was definitely theft and a Zoldyck had no need to resort to such things (unless it was specified in a contract, of course) but there was no sneaking around like he’d thought there would be in such a case. Jasper had been so brazen about it that it seemed only natural…

He was going to give himself a headache at this rate. Either Jasper was wrong and they’d just stolen a bunch of clothing or Jasper was right and money was far more obsolete in the lower classes than he thought. In honor of not confusing himself any farther, he ignored the dilemma entirely to glance over at his excitable pest who was staring into a window of a shop with large starry eyes.

Oh no.

Thirty minutes later, a lot of arguing- because absolutely not that piece of garbage looks terrible on you - and time spent carefully deliberating, and Kalluto now walked behind a newly adorned pest. 

Honestly, Kalluto was rather proud of himself. Out of all of the options that had been available- of which there had been surprisingly little- this one suited Jasper the best for multiple reasons. It would be easy to use in combat because it was shorter than a normal cloak, falling only to Jasper’s knees. It would last a while as technically the hem was meant to sit around the thigh to lower buttocks area, so Jasper could grow into it. It was lightweight despite the heavy stiff look around the shoulder and hood area which allowed it to keep a baggier shape and hide Jasper’s face more easily. And the best part of all, it would match with any outfit considering it was black with white embroidered highlights of waves along the bottom hem.

It went really well with the current outfit choice as well. The white training turtleneck was a bit too loose than it should be on a boy of Jasper’s frame but it allowed for growth and the white was almost the exact same color as the embroidery. The black jeans were the same shade of pitch as the cloak which blended the outfit well… but the only thing that stood out were those horribly raggedy shoes. 

Urgh.

Kalluto glanced around for their next destination, intent on getting some good shoes onto the pest.

“So, looks like you had fun.”

Kalluto startled, barely suppressing his flinch as he turned his head to regard his older brother. The phone Mother had given him felt heavy in his hand and he made sure to tuck it discreetly into his obi.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Suuure. You and Nutty were out even longer than Gon and I and you came back with so many new things.” Big Brother Killua plopped on the bed, rolling onto his side so he could prop his chin on his hand. 

“That doesn’t mean anything,” he huffed.

It didn’t mean anything . He just couldn’t stand the thought of something so raggedy traveling alongside a Zoldyck. The pest wasn’t special, he just was worse off than any of them. If Kalluto could, he’d get his hands on the mountain boy too to strip him of that offensive green ensemble he wore day in and day out.

“Alright. It meant nothing. Still, I’m surprised you allowed yourself to stay away so long. Aren’t you supposed to be spying on me or something?”

Big brother’s blue eyes were cool and assessing and Kalluto couldn’t help but flinch. Killua was right. He’d messed up today. He’d allowed himself to get caught up in something else when it was his duty as a Zoldyck to keep an eye on his big brother and make sure his hands were exercised and-

“Hey! Snap out of it! Jeez… I didn’t think that’d affect you so much. You’re such a goody two shoes.” Big brother rubbed at his hair in annoyance.

Kalluto found that he couldn’t swallow around the lump in his throat. He’d messed up. What was he supposed to tell Mother about today? Even worse than that… the chance he’d been given to finally get close to his brother was being squandered. As a Zoldyck it was unacceptable to be distracted from a mission.

( “Again.”

“Illumi… it hurts.”

“Again, little brother. If you don’t finish, Mother will be disappointed.”

“No! No! I can do it!”

“Again. A Zoldyck does not fail a mission.”)

That’s right. He had been distracted. The world outside was shiny and new but he wasn’t outside for luxury time. He was here to do a job. He needed to ignore any and all distractions.

“As a Zoldyck,” he started quietly, tucking his hands into the sleeves of his kimono, “I will not fail a mission. Brother, I will sleep in your room from now on.”

“Whoah! I’m rooming with Gon. There’s absolutely no space for you.”

“Then, Big Brother, please sleep in my room instead. I must monitor your health.”

“Ugh. My health is fine, you- you- Nevermind! This was a mistake. What the hell else was I expecting from a little robot like you!”

“I am not a robot,” he bit back in offense. Was that truly what his big brother thought of him? Wherever had he even gotten such a notion? Kalluto was a normal Zoldyck child with no added parts!

“Yes. You are,” Big Brother groaned as he rolled off the bed. Kalluto took a step back, his hands twisting together entirely on their own. “All you ever do is ordered by someone else. I bet you don’t even truly have anything you like-”

“Don’t say that, Big Brother! You already said you knew what I liked! So don’t- Don’t just say something like that!”

Killua frowned, staring into pink eyes cooly. His big brother was calm and poised and made a feeling of shame bubble in Kallutos throat because he couldn’t compare to his brother again . He’d lost control of his emotions again . At this rate he’d be the laughingstock of the Zoldyck for his failures. Now standing with his scarred hand in his pockets, Big Brother Killua scoffed, “I actually thought there might be more to you but all you ever do is hang off that old hag’s dresses. Nutty even got you to actually react to something and- I don’t even know why I’m trying. It’s not like you’re going to change. Whatever. It’s not like I care. Be a good Zoldyck dog.”

His mouth would not move, his feet were glued to the hideous carpet, his body would not stop shivering-

Killua left without a backwards glance and Kalluto’s knees gave out as he collapsed on the spot.

Why?

Why couldn’t he ever do anything right?

He was just helping.

He was doing his duty.

No… No, he was trying to do other things as well. Useless things. This was… something he always tried to do.

(“How many times must I tell you!? Just do it the way I tell you to, Kalluto! It’s not hard! And yet you keep on insisting on doing it your way and you keep failing .”

“I-I’m sorry, Mother. I’ll do it right.”

“I don’t know what I’m going to do with you! Calling yourself a female, then demanding to be referred to as a they, and now you defy me even on the simplest tasks! Darling… you know you deserve this punishment, right?

“I-I… Y-es, Mother.”

“Say it.”

“I deserve this punishment, Mother.”

“You could be such a good boy Kalluto. All you have to do is listen. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Mother.”

“Good. I’ll leave you here for a few hours to reflect on your mistakes.”)

That’s right. Mother had always noticed. She understood everything about him. He just needed to call her like he was supposed to. He just needed to report… to report his failures. As long as he said something she’d be able to fix everything.

But as he took the phone out, it was hard to grip it, the sweat on his palms unnatural and annoying. He just needed to tell Mother. That’s all. It wasn’t anything to get worked up over. And yet, he couldn’t stop his body's reactions. He was useless, not even being able to handle this tiny aspect of himself.

With burning eyes, he bit his lip and started mentally chanting the creed of the Zoldycks.

A Zoldyck does not fail.

A Zoldyck is the master of themselves.

A Zoldyck is the master of their art.

It took far too many repetitions before he finally felt calm enough to complete his duties. With a huff of breath he dialed the long memorized number and waited for his mother to answer. 

He did not wait long.

“Kalluto! What took you so long to call!?”

Her voice made his chest clench and his shoulders droop. He felt so relieved to hear her voice. He just had to tell her everything.

“I’m sorry, Mother. This is the first moment I’ve been truly alone. I will keep it short since I need to keep my big brother company.”

“Oh, very well. Letting that boy out on his own, what was Father thinking? Even my husband is going along with this absurd ordeal! This whole situation is a mess! I can only count on you, my baby boy. Tell me everything.”

His hand clenched on the phone, his mind flitting back to his grandpa’s last words before he was left to follow after Big Brother Killua.

(“Make sure to keep an eye on your brother, Kalluto. And take the time to expand your horizons.”

“Of course, Grandfather. You may rely on me.”

“Hm. Let me give you one piece of advice. There will come a day when you must choose your path. If you follow your heart, it will always lead you back to your family.”

“Of course it will. I am a proud Zoldyck and I will come back with Killua soon.”)

Yes. He knew what he had to do. His heart laid with the Zoldycks. This was easy. So, he didn’t know why his heart was pounding right now. It was hard enough to ache even in his temples. What exactly was it trying to tell him? All he could glean was a headache.

He was just doing the right thing. Big Brother was straying from the path right now, and Kalluto would be there to bring him back. In the meantime, he had to keep Mother updated.

So why was his tongue heavy and his lip wet with sweat?

“Kalluto?”

“Sorry, Mother. We are currently at the Heaven’s Arena, staying on the 100th floor. Big Brother is very attached to the child in green, Gon, and seemed to have an attachment to the monster child as well. I… I’ve made sure that his hands are in peak condition as well as they are healing.”

He… couldn’t do it? His mouth had worked before he had even decided what exactly he was going to say. He needed to explain everything!

If my pretty friend wants to wear pretty dress things then he could do what he wants.

Kalluto’s throat bobbed but no sound came from his lips.

His mother’s voice was a high croon across the synthetic phone line. “You’re such a good boy, Kalluto! Remember to keep me updated as much as possible!”

What had he done? What was there left to do but go along with his farce that he had created for himself. He’d lied to Mother. His jaw worked a moment before he was finally able to choke out more words. 

“I understand, Mother.”

The dial tone was a blaring sound in his ear, making him nauseous with the sudden increase in his pounding temples. He pulled the phone away, hitting the end call button and took a moment to sit there. His shaking fingers clenched around the plastic making it creak from strain. He took a breath. Then another. And another.

Until his lungs felt clear and his head was not so dizzy. He’d made a mistake but no one had to know anything. He just had to do what he was supposed to. What Mother had told him to do originally. Everything would be fine.

With one more breath, he released his grip on the phone and slipped it back into his obi.

He needed to find Big Brother Killua now to drag him back to his room. It wouldn’t do to rely on someone other than a Zoldyck to watch over his brother. Kalluto couldn’t even comprehend the silly thoughts he’d been having the last few days.

He needed to get back on track.

Omake

How to Buy Kimonos

Kalluto: I’m pretty sure this isn’t how this works.

Jasper: Nonsense! Now pick all the pretty colors!

Kalluto: … Well, they are really pretty…

Jasper: packing away every single kimono Kalluto even slightly looks at

Kalluto: Wait-

Jasper: Shopping done! Let’s move on~!

The Actual Conversation-

Killua: Wow, you’re actually slightly ok, little brother.

Kalluto: Let me look after you like I’m supposed to.

Killua: Whoops, I was wrong!

The Bedroom Arrangement

Killua: I’m traumatized and afraid that I’ll hurt Nutty, so obviously the only choice is Gon.

Gon: Aw, I love you too Killua.

Jasper: You know… I feel like this should hurt but I’m not even a little surprised.

Kalluto: Why am I not even an option?

Why They Charged Through to the 100th Floor and Then Took a Three Day Break

Menchi: Alright brats. I want an actual room with a kitchen attached. We’re getting to the 100th floor. Right. Now.

Kids: Yes, ma’am!

Menchi: Ah! Perfect. I can cook in a kitchen again instead of buying inferior food! Cooking spree time!

Why Jasper is Not Wearing His Training Vest While Shopping

Jasper: It’s heavy, if anything happens I’ll be in danger.

Menchi: Anyone trying to stab you through the vest would be an idiot.

Jasper: Who said anything about stabbing? There’s also dismemberment, choking, kidnapping, shooting, lynch mobs, going for critical weak points not covered by the vest, ra-

Menchi: Okay! Yeesh. Take it as a rest day. But I’m working you doubly hard tomorrow!

Jasper’s Choice of Clothes

Jasper: Hm. These are clean and at the top of my bag. They work, right?

Harry: Why are you asking me? Just throw something on already. You’re taking forever.

Jasper: Yeah. You’re right.

Petty Bitch Powers Activate

Jasper: Theft!

Harry: Why do you always do this?

Kalluto: Is this normal?

Jasper: Duh!

Harry: No! Stop teaching him the wrong things!

Jasper: But Harry… we were able to get back at that ugly hag who was being rude to Kalluto.

Harry: Nevermind. Proceed.

Chapter Text

“There. Done.”

Killua pulled his hands back as quickly as possible while still trying to make it seem natural. It’s not that what Harry was doing was hurting. In fact today was supposed to be the last session. It was just- seeing Nutty’s face- Nutty’s hands-

His pale scarred fingers so close to the boy he’d killed-

His chest would clench, hot pokers working their way into his forearms, the burn traveling along his arms. And Killua knew it was all false. It was all in his head. He wasn’t stupid!

His reactions weren’t normal but there was nothing that he could do except bear with it until it was over. This weakness of his was unacceptable and he would get over it. He just… needed time to figure out how.

“So, how does it feel?”

He scowled down at his hands, flexing his fingers carefully. The pain was certainly gone but now they were stiff, the skin pulling unpleasantly tight over his knuckles. He clenched them into a fist and couldn’t help but be disappointed at how weak it was. He was using his full strength and his nails were barely digging into his palm, while his whole hand shook as if it was the most exhausting thing his body had ever done.

“No pain,” he grunted, trying again to form a fist. 

“That’s good,” Harry hummed, his strange accent rolling over the words in a soft drawl. “Are they working okay for you?”

Did it look like his hands were working okay?

He tsked in annoyance, keeping his mouth shut. He was just annoyed. Annoyed at his limpet younger brother, annoyed at his useless self, annoyed at the easy fights of the arena that weren’t allowing him to let off any steam. He was just annoyed at practically everything and he didn’t want to take that out on Harry who was going out of his way to help.  

He thought it was unnecessary because he was a monster he didn’t deserve it so why did Harry keep helping why why why but Harry was insistent so it was just easier to let him instead of making a huge fuss about it. Killua would rather not alert Gon to anything going on with his hands. Honestly, with how weirdly sharp he could be about some things, it was a surprise Gon hadn’t caught on yet. Killua wasn’t about to enlighten him.

“Fine,” he finally managed to squeeze out. “I’m going to bed now.”

Harry snorted. “Sure. Don’t forget Menchi said she has someone she wants to introduce to us tomorrow.”

“Yea, yea. See you tomorrow.”

“Killua.” The white haired boy paused, his back already to the other. “You’re a good friend.”

No. I’m not.

But the words never leave his lips. Harry's footsteps were already drifting away and all Killua could do was sag against the doorframe for a moment. He didn’t need Gon or Kalluto seeing him like this and pestering him but he just… needed a moment. Just one.

With a strangled breath held in his aching lungs, the young assassin finally pushed himself up and staggered over to the bed. His face met the duvet with a satisfying plop and he laid there, even as his chest started burning from lack of air.

It would be so easy.

He could just stay like this.

No breathing required.

One less monster in the world.

Killua turned his head to the side and let out the air in his lungs slowly. Then he sucked in a deep breath of cool sweet air.

… He was really tired. Gon would be fine if he slept first right?

Drip Drip Drip

Why was it dripping? Was it another leak?

Killua was so annoyed. Why did he have to be the one to always find the leaks. It was so much work. Training just wasn’t fair!

Still, he needed to do it. 

He needed to find the way out. To cut these chains off his limbs once and for all. But that infernal dripping wasn’t going away!

He padded down the stone hallways, the grey of the stone blurring and bending in his field of vision. He frowned at it. 

Drip Drip Drip

Oh. The wall was telling him where to go? 

Yes! It was! The small dragon that formed on its surface, scuttled to and fro, it’s inky body curling against the gray stones as it directed Killua out and away. Led by the dragon, he confidently stepped through the large oaken door.

Then Stopped.

Drip Drip Drip

Killua stared at himself. He stared at the blood dripping from his hands, splashing onto the white expanse of Jasper’s face. Green and blue eyes glared at him from a deathly pallor and Killua wanted to scream.

“I only did as I was told,” Killua hummed, studying his sharp bloodied fingernails. His eyes were dull and almost black in their apathy.

“That’s right. Killua does as he’s told, like the assassin that he is,” Illumi agreed, stepping forward from the shadows the dragon had disappeared into. His older brother wandered forward, casually sticking a needle directly into Killua’s forehead.

He whimpered, watching this scene. His own hand came up to trace the empty space of his forehead. He wasn’t like that. He wasn’t.

Killua turned his head down to focus on the body lying beside his foot. “He’s a monster anyway. So, what does it matter?”

“That’s right. We’re all monsters.” Illumi wandered around the other Killua, playing with his needles, settling a few here and there amongst the white locks. Each new needle was ignored, like it didn’t exist and Killua felt wretched. 

He needed to get away. He couldn’t watch this. He was supposed to be free! What was this? He wouldn’t do this!

The other Killua looked up sharply, Illumi standing at his back, hands folded neatly over his little brother’s shoulders. “Don’t try to lie. You did this.”

No!

With a great heave and a roar, he bounded across the room to tear the head off the shoulders of the imposter. With a great tear-

Drip Drip Drip

He could feel his brother’s hands on his shoulders but everything was dark. He could not see or breath or hear. 

But he could feel. He felt his head torn from his neck. He felt that cold needle pierce his heart.

He felt-

Like a monster.

Killua woke up frozen. Every muscle in his body was stiff and his lungs ached with the need to breathe. His body, long since trained out of making noise, had locked up on him to keep from making any sudden movements or noises.

It took close to ten minutes of effort that left him shivering before Killua was able to get himself to move. He forced himself out of the bed, careful of disturbing Gon, and rushed into the bathroom so that he could shove his face into cold water. He plugged the bathtub and stared, his swirling mind as violent and churning as the water from the faucet as he waited. When it was finally to an acceptable level, he smashed his face into it, breathing out slowly until his head sank, forehead tapping against the porcelain tub side.

The shock of the cold was appreciated. The muffled roar of the still running water pounded into his ears washing away the insistent dripping noise from his dream.

He stayed like this, lungs burning-

So easy…

Until he finally gave into his protesting body’s demands, yanking himself up hard enough that water from his hair splattered the wall in front of him. A harsh breath from his nose sent water droplets spinning through the air.

Killua stared at his blurred image in the rippling water and sighed before reaching for the faucet and cranking it off.

He knew Jasper was still alive. He was only one room over (Gon and Killua’s room squashed between Kalluto and Jasper, while the Hunter was on the other side of Jasper), sleeping soundly, probably frolicking with his head mate in his dreams.

He knew that.

And yet he still needed to make sure.

To see him free of blood, to see him breathing-

“Ugh… I’m so weak,” Killua muttered, tapping his forehead against the rim of the tub.

Somehow… somehow he was going to figure out how to make these stupids reactions stop.

But right now… he had time to sneak over to Nutty’s room for a bit.

“Alright rugrats, take a seat.”

The four boys sat. 

Nutty was adamant about sitting next to Gon while Killua took the other side. He even turned on the bed they’d claimed so he was using the taller boy as a backrest. It was such a tiny stupid thing that made his chest clench but his shoulders droop. Killua wasn’t nearly as touch needy as the other boy though and ended up crossing his legs so he could knock knees with his friend.

Kalluto had chosen a position in the extra chair that had been brought to the room from who knows where. It was a good position to keep an eye on everything and far enough away from everyone else that Killua wasn’t going to nitpick him about it. He just stared at his little brother for a moment, pink eyes returning the gaze until he fluttered and a small black fan with a golden dragon painted on it in front of his face.

Killua frowned at the dragon, unpleasantly reminded of his dream last night.

The Hunter lady cleared her throat garnering their full attention. He wasn’t sure why they all listened to her like this. Killua certainly didn’t need an adult in his life to care for him (though her food was exceptional he could grudgingly admit). And yet, she was already better than his own mother when it came to handling Killua. She could be funny, stern, caring… Nothing she did felt as stifling as Kikyo Zoldyck.

So… Killua could put up with it… for a while.

Menchi watched them with pursed lips for a minute before sighing. “Alright. I can see something has happened while I’ve been busy but honestly..? I’m not your mom. I don’t give a damn about group drama as long as you little runts don’t start causing me problems, got it?”

The awkward silence was broken by Gon who cheerfully responded. “Don’t worry, Miss Menchi! We got this!”

“I don’t know why but somehow my faith has dipped even lower,” she groaned, bringing a hand up to pinch at her nose. “Whatever! I want you to meet your new instructor during your stay in this Tower.”

With a grand gesture towards the door, Killua- full of shock and confusion- watched Master Wing trot in with Zushi on his heels. He blinked at the smaller kid, surprised to still see him here, before turning back to the boy’s master. The man was just as disheveled as the first time they met him three days ago; his hair was a rat’s nest, shirt was untucked on one side and rumpled, and even his shoes were tied messily.

“What do you mean new instructor,” Nutty questioned, his weight shifting on the bed, bouncing Killua as well.

“Well, not for you brat,” she admitted easily. “I’ve already put in too much effort with you to toss you to someone else. But the other three? Well, they aren’t my problem, so I’m delegating.”

Killua couldn’t have stopped his eyebrow from twitching if he tried. He took back all his earlier thoughts. This hag was unbearable. Why did they put up with her?

“Hello boys,” Wing stated, cutting off a potential explosive reaction from everyone in the room. “Menchi has asked me to be your nen instructor. I’ve kindly agreed to take you on.”

“Ossu! Hunter Menchi made lots of delicious food to bribe my master!”

Master Wing immediately grimaced and turned to rebuke his student. “Zushi!”

“Sorry, Master!”

Menchi snorted. “You are pretty weak to food. And you’re much more patient than I am. So, do what we agreed and teach them the basics before they get to floor 200 and get slaughtered like the whimpering pups they are.”

“Hey!”

There was a bit of a scuffle after that.

Gon and Killua sat watching Wing draw on the white sheets of paper that he’d brought and set up on an easel. Killua was sort of miffed to find out Kalluto had learned this tool long ago and didn’t exactly want to sully the family teachings with someone else’s. Which was absolutely stupid. All knowledge was important no matter where it came from. As long as you fact checked, of course.

And Nutty had been whisked away by his own teacher… While Zushi was in another room practicing forms or something…

Now it was just the two of them.

Nen.

This was the ‘power’ that Harry had mentioned. The one that could create unique abilities for each person. Despite how they got here- the scuffle will never be mentioned again for fear of the Gourmet Hunter’s wrath- Killua was very excited to start learning this.

Wing capped the marker he’d been using and turned to face them with a placid smile.

“First things first, Nen is the ability to control your life energy or ‘aura’. In every person there resides a system of nodes that control the power and flow of Nen. Someone who has these nodes open in their eyes but not in their body, can see the projected aura but not protect themselves against it. For those who have the opposite, they can protect themselves but not see the projected aura. Does this make sense?”

“So far,” Gon agreed easily.

Killua on the other hand, had a question. “For that person who can’t see the nen, how do they know how to protect themselves?”

That earned him a smile. “A very good question. For the most part, nen is projected through intent. If there is intent to harm, you might feel it as something of a warning, maybe a gut instinct to stay away from this person looking to harm you. For a person who has opened nodes in their body they will be able to ‘feel’ this intent much more strongly and be able to act upon their situation.

“Though it is ideal to have all your nodes opened, not everyone can achieve this right away. Zushi is training to open them the natural way. But Menchi has convinced me to take a short cut with the both of you because of how stubborn you are. She doesn’t want to see you demolished on the 200th floor, so I’ll trust her judgement on this.”

Killua withheld a snort. Convinced? More like bribed with three whole days of gourmet cooking apparently. If that Hunter’s recipes were good enough for his grandpa to trade for then Master Wing has certainly eaten like a king for a good few days.

“Wait a minute,” Gon complained. “I’m not against learning, but why do we have to learn before the 200th floor?”

“That would be because everyone on that floor and above are nen users.”

Immediately, the hairs on his arms stood on end. If he had continued past that floor as a child… what would have happened to him? He never would have been able to protect himself from something he could neither see nor feel.

“There’s a lot of monsters up there,” Master Wing continued obliviously. “Quite a few are nobodies looking for fame but there are some that… Well, it’s a good thing you’re getting this training beforehand is all I’ll say.”

“Okay, so… how are we going to do this shortcut?” he inquired, fisting his hands into the firm material of his training pants.

“I’m going to force open every node in your body all at once. For most people it would be immediate death but I’ve been assured you’ll survive,” their new teacher said calmly, his glasses flashing in the artificial light. “Once this has been completed, they’ll settle into a dormant state that allows you the access to use them and see and sense nen being used around you. You’ll still have an immense amount of training to go through to tune each node, though. In their half-dormant state they’re only like sensors. It takes conscious thought and ability to utilize them and bring power forth.”

“Aha… haha… Um…”

Killua tilted his head to see a glassy stare directed at their teacher from Gon. He looked so overwhelmed it caused him to let out the snort he’d stopped earlier. “You look so dumb! Ha!”

Amber eyes squinted at him and golden cheeks puffed up into a pout. “That was a lot of big words! There’s no way you understood that, too!”

“Pfft! Of course I did. I’m not an idiot like you!”

“Well then, why don’t you explain!”

“How is it so hard to understand? Hah!? He literally just said the shortcut would give us access to nen but we’d have to train to use specific abilities!”

“He said that?”

Master Wing chuckled. “A very good grasp, Killua. That’s exactly what I meant, Gon. I’ll try to keep it simpler for you in the future. For now, though, are there any questions?”

The boys looked at each other, their excitement for this reflected in each other’s eyes. They were both ready!

With this, Killua would become stronger. He’d never fall prey to his big brother again. He’d be able to protect himself from the Zoldycks maybe even rescue his sister and eventually he could wipe them out so they’d never be a problem again. 

He’d never hurt his friends with his own two hands.

His hands clenched, shaking in his lap as they both turned back to Master Wing and shook their heads negatively.

“Very well. Stand up you two, and turn around. This is going to hurt but bare with it.”

A large hand settled in the middle of his back and-

White .

The aura around him glowed a brilliant pure white. He thought it might be stained black or red, his sins writ across his very life energy. But it was white…

“How do you both feel?”

“I feel so much more sensitive,” Gon exclaimed, twisting his hands around to stare at the wisps that danced around his fingers.

“I feel stronger,” Killua contributed. He definitely did. Though Harry had worked on his hands, Killua had hid the other minor aches that plagued him. What use was telling the other boy that his back ached? That his knees creaked? That his head throbbed on and off? There was none. They didn’t hinder Killua in any way and he’d long been trained to handle pain. They were nothing serious.

But now.

They were gone. Those aches faded. He felt a little bit more whole.

“That glow around you is your life energy and under my tutelage we will be refining it until you have the basics down for Ren, Ten, Zetsu, and Hatsu. Now, go ahead and sit back down, get a feel for how your energy flows while I finish up a few things for the rest of the lesson.”

So, they did. Killua watched for a moment, seeing a new diagram being drawn on a fresh sheet but the words meant nothing to him, instead he turned his attention onto the new energy that flowed through his body like a livewire. Staring at his glowing hands truly did nothing so he closed them, focusing on the feeling instead of the sight.

They sat there for… a very long while. Gon felt like a mini contained volcano next to him; burning with flowing magma. And yet there was also the sensation of their arms brushing and there was no overt warmth besides normal body heat. Two sensations at once… So strange.

As for himself, the white haired preteen was soothed by the constant circuit of the energy inside of him. There was no true ‘flow’, no track set for the energy to flow along, and yet it could still be considered conductive as it bounced from place to place to place inside of him, never staying in one spot. The energy that he had, as lively as it was, brought to him a deep sense of happiness that he grasped tightly, desperately in his scarred hands.

Slowly, he allowed himself to return to the sensations outside of himself. He could hear their new teacher calling, and knew no matter how reluctant he was to leave, he still had more learning to do so he could control the energy he had.

“That was very deep meditation, Killua. I’m impressed,” Master Wing was saying as Killua blinked back to awareness.

“Thanks,” he grumbled as he lost most of the sense he had gained earlier. “Not hard to learn with the Zoldycks.”

Gon laughed. “I almost thought Killua was asleep!”

“Psh. Idiot.”

“Now, now. We still have to finish today’s lesson. I’m going to change it up a bit seeing how Gon is more of a practical learner and I’ll do some demonstration of each category we are going to go over before I have you try them.”

“First is Ren- gathering your aura and projecting it with intent. This is most commonly felt and is widely known even amongst civilians as Killing Intent. Though, it doesn’t have to be killing intent, that is the easiest way to demonstrate for now. Killua.” 

He perked up.

“I’m going to ‘kill’ you now.”

He scoffed. He knew what killing intent was, thank you. He didn’t need a demonstration.

And yet, somehow he ended up attached to the ceiling, his fingers aching and scars throbbing.

It felt all too much like Illumi and Killua hated his automatic reaction to that man.

“Are you ok?”

He sniffed at Gon, easing himself to the ground and subtly shaking his hands out. That had taken way too much effort to hold himself. His legs had been fine, his abs and arms too, but his hands? He was going to have to strengthen them significantly. His nails had only sharpened for half a second before giving up. It had allowed him to embed his fingers in the wall but not to cling to it like he should have been able to do.

“I’m fine,” he finally huffed after a few more seconds of shiny amber eyes pointed in his direction.

Master Wing was watching them patiently and when they finally turned their full attention back to him, he continued. “Now to protect against another’s aura, we rely on our own. We have to project our own Ren to either match or overpower the other person's Nen lest you start to slowly die. Being under someone else’s Nen without enough protection long enough is like standing naked in a blizzard and wondering why you’re cold as you freeze.”

Killua twitched, now even more resentful of Illumi. He knew for a fact that Ren had been used on him multiple times growing up just based off of the feeling.

“Now, Ren will protect you from projected Nen but Ten will strengthen and protect the body. First you use Ren to push out your aura,” Master Wing did just that, his own white aura flaring around him in a wide uncontrolled bubble that seemed to waver around the edges. The Aura slowly shrank, the shine getting brighter and brighter until it settled into an almost completely clear coat only centimeters from the man’s skin, the edges firm and solid. “Then you slowly shrink it, condensing the pressure until you’ve formed a shield around yourself.”

“Whoah…”

Killua could admit that it looked very impressive.

“Next, I’ll show you Zetsu. This technique is the act of suppressing your aura to keep it from leaking from your body. It’s extremely useful if you want to remain hidden but has its own downsides. If you are already in range of someone else that has sensed your Nen, suddenly going into Zetsu will give you away as a large void in their sensory range.”

“Wait, you can sense people when they aren’t using Ren?” Killua interrupted.

“Indeed. There’s a general sense that most people have. You two have awakened with all three of us in the room so the auras in here are ‘normal’. Once you leave you’ll be able to see more of what I mean. And there’s an even more sensitive technique named En that allows you to sense everything up to a certain range but that technique is advanced and we won’t go over it until much later.”

Then Zetsu wasn’t a perfect technique but it was still an amazing tool for assassins like his big brother. Which… was a problem he shouldn’t be thinking about if he wanted to focus.

“The second downside to using Zetsu is that it makes you more vulnerable to Nen attacks as your body is not protecting itself anymore. Here, let me show you now. Pay attention to your senses and see what it tells you when I use it.”

Killua jolted, feeling the very obvious void in front of him that should contain their teacher. He could see him standing there but the extra sense that he hadn’t even realized he’d been using was now scratching and filling the space that had been previously occupied. It was really unnerving.

Then, just like that, his sense of Master Wing returned and the breath he didn’t know he was holding was released in a rush. “Very strange,” he grumbled.

That same smile was still on their teacher’s face as he asked again, “Any questions?”

“Nu-uh,” Gon chirped. “It’s a lot easier when you show me! What’s the last thing? Hagasu or something?”

“It’s Hatsu,” Killua yelped in offense. “How thick are you?”

“I’m not thick! I’m just dumb!”

Killua took a moment to process the words that just came out of his friend's mouth. Then he smacked him on the shoulder and turned back to their teacher, ignoring his whining.

(And his hand that stung .)

Master Wing’s eyes curved up in crescents as he scratched the back of his head. “Well, this last one is a bit more complicated. Hatsu is a personalized ability so we won’t be going into details until you master the first three.” Gon whined again but their teacher valiantly carried on. “I can tell you that there are five types of abilities and everyone falls under one type but each person can still personalize their abilities based on their type.”

Killua wondered for a moment what type Harry was as a healer. Then he remembered that he could see what Harry was doing now and started plotting ways on getting the boy to use his ability again. Actually, Killua almost smacked himself for never wondering this before but could Jasper use Harry’s ability? Or did he have a completely different one that hadn’t been seen before?

And what type of ability would he and Gon have?

Chapter Text

“Ugh.”

Jasper collapsed onto his bed, limbs thrown askew, muscles aching. His whole body seemed to be throbbing actually and he could hear his heartbeat rushing in his ears.

Menchi is brutal…

“No kidding,” he huffed. Not only had he been working on his body with these weirdly difficult stretches and the vest but she’d also had him running his Ren at full blast until he passed out. Several times. It was horrible!

But her excuse was that more nen meant a better foundation for later training.

She’s not wrong but these spartan methods might just kill us.

“With all the work she’s put into us? I don’t think so. We’ll just wish we were dead.”

Ugh.

Jasper couldn’t help the snort at the absolutely disgusted noise Harry let out. It made his abs clench in pain, his muscles protesting any movement. Jasper groaned, wanting to clutch at his belly but also not wanting to move in case it made anything worse.

Are you ready for tomorrow?

Of course he was. They’d put in a lot of hard work over the past twelve days. They went up 10 floors in one day for five days straight excluding the last climbing day in which they’d stopped on floor 199. Then they had a rest day which was a misnomer (as Harry had called it) because they didn’t rest . Oh no. Those days were hardcore nen training days. On the climbing days it was more physical training with a side of nen. Jasper thinks he prefers those days honestly- no matter how much the training vests suck and so does pilates or whatever his teacher had called it- because using up all your nen was so much more exhausting than just doing a physical workout. 

Today had been their second rest day, twelve days in total since they’d started the climb again after their three day break, and tomorrow they had their qualifier fights which would let them onto the 200th floor.

“It’s not going to be the qualifiers that are the problem,” he murmured, flexing his fingers and wrists. “It will be whoever is on the nen floors.”

Harry hummed in agreement. Best get some good sleep then. You can’t fall asleep with the vest on tonight.

He groaned again, this one more of a whine. That required getting up. Getting up required moving.

“Can’t you do it?”

Today is your day, Harry laughed at him. They each got two days out before they were supposed to switch. Yesterday had been Harry’s second day, which meant today and tomorrow were his days.

“Menchi doesn’t have to knoooooow.”

That’s true. But I don’t want to. And if she barges in here in the morning and you still have your vest on, there’ll be hell to pay.

“You know, I still haven’t agreed to her training!”

Oh, quit whining and change already.

Jasper made sure to whine for at least another few minutes just out of pure spite.

“So, how’s nen training going,” Jasper asked Killua, who was behind him, swinging his legs from the bench he was sitting on. Menchi and Master Wing weren’t even in attendance, already assured of their victory. Surprisingly, Kalluto was sitting next to him.

Over the last week and a half, Kalluto had formed some kind of… well, Jasper wasn’t sure what to call it.

A crush, Harry had once un helpfully provided. Jasper didn’t believe it for an instant but Kalluto sure did follow him around a lot. They’d even gone shopping two more times, though Killua had been on those trips. One was with Gon, a great time where they stormed through toy stores, a sweets cafe, and a musical shop. One was just Jasper and the assassin brothers. It had been far more awkward. Killua still avoided him without actually avoiding him and Kalluto was distant until they walked into a clothes store. And left with another bundle of clothes. This one absolutely paid for when Killua had corrected Jasper’s ‘truth’ about commoner’s pay. 

(Killua had gotten a kick out of it when he made the correction, but now correctly informed, Kalluto had been determined to pay because a Zoldyck had no need for thievery.)

After that, he’d caught the pretty boy watching him more and more. He’d even seen him lurking down a hallway when he’d gone out for training. Jasper hadn’t pointed it out but he was getting desperately curious no matter how much Harry said it would embarrass the other boy if it was pointed out.

He did make sure to call him pretty more often in revenge which would send the other boy scurrying away with red cheeks.

“We’ve got solid Ten cloaks,” Killua answered, watching Gon step into the ring. “Master Wing said that we can try out the water test tonight if we wanted.”

“Water test?”

It tests what type of nen you have , Harry answered at the same time as Killua’s, “A nen type test.”

“Oh. What are we?” He asked, directing the question to Harry. The response would have been confusing if Menchi hadn’t been going over the basics with him again. “A specialist? Huh. What do you think you’ll be, Killua? Kalluto?”

Kalluto sniffed from behind his fan, his rose eyes tracking Gon’s opponent as he flew across the room into the wall with a solid thud. “I have no need for the test. I already know I’m a Manipulator. And Big Brother is likely to be a Transmuter just like Father and Grandfather.”

Was it a familial thing then for nen types to be passed onto children? If Killua would be getting Transmutation from his dad’s side of the family, did Kalluto get his from his mom’s side?

“Is your mom a Manipulator then?”

Those pretty eyes turned to him and Jasper cocked his head to show his curiosity. He could see a hint of another flush on those pale cheeks which made his lips twitch up into a grin. Kalluto pulled his fan higher, almost entirely obscuring his eyes as he muttered, “She is.”

Huh. He wondered if everyone inherited nen like they did looks.

“Tch. Just cause they have Transmutation, doesn’t mean I will as well,” the assassin grumbled petulantly.

“Does it matter? Transmutation is pretty cool.” Jasper twisted his head back to look at his friend who only stuck his tongue out at him.

“Hey guys!”