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Chapter Text

Chapter One: A Bardic Execution

Silka: Helgen

“The people demand an execution Bard. Who am I to deny them completely?” The Thalmor said, her golden eyes amused as some carts came into view. “I don’t suppose that changes your mind about giving me the information I asked for?” She asked, smiling, her eyes harder.

“Information about what?” I asked, quirking an eyebrow.

She scowled. “The Blades Bard. The Blades.”

“No idea.” I responded easily.

She hmphed; mounting her horse and riding it toward the gates with her bodyguards. I settled cross-legged on the ground, waiting. Soon enough I heard the Thalmor’s voice carrying across the town; demanding the prisoners be turned over to her; watching as the carts kept coming. Oh good. She didn’t get her way. I suppose I won't have to worry about the holes in my memory for much longer.

Rising I waited in line as the carts reached us and the soldiers were pulled out. A man: protesting loudly about his not being a Stormcloak bolted and I watched impassively as they shot him. He had to have known that would happen. Right?

So that’s Ulfric Stormcloak. I watched him face General Tullius, defiance still in his stance. I can see why he has so much of a following. As the priestess started the rights, I took note of the Stormcloak brashly forcing his way forward. That’s what you get for saying ‘Blessings of the Eight.’ I hope I've done enough for Shor's Realm. Wish I could remember.

“Next. The Bard.” The Captain called.

Why? Why am I next? Wouldn’t it be more logical to start with Ulfric? Still. Nothing for it. Shaking my head, I moved forward, pausing when I felt a strange sensation in my chest followed by an echoing roar. What was that? Nearby a soldier echoed my thought aloud, everyone looking uneasily upward.

“Nothing.” General Tullius said sharply. “Carry on.”

“I said. Next prisoner.” The Captain repeated.

Shaking my head, I approached her; giving her a steady look before turning; kneeling; waiting. Looking up at the executioner I wondered if I’d get my memories back when I died. Let it be quick and clean. I prayed; feeling shock replace my resignation when amongst the shouts to look to the skies a black dragon landed on the tower above my head; right behind the executioner.

“It’s the end times!” Someone shouted as the executioner fell to the ground and the dragon Shouted something and rock and fire started raining down. Working myself to my knees I ducked when the dragon looked in my direction and felt the rush of my hair being lifted as something hit the executioners block, shattering it. Staggering to my feet I tried to orient myself.

“This way Kinsman!” A Stormcloak shouted. “The Gods won’t give us another chance!”

Nodding I ran with him into another tower.

“Ralof.” Ulfric greeted him. “You’re alive. Who’s this?”

“The Bard that was about to be executed.” He responded.

“I’d ask you to join the rebellion but we’re all a bit busy trying to stay alive.” He said, some humor in his eyes as Ralof found a knife and severed my bonds. He frowned at the injured Stormcloaks. “We need to move. Now!” He said, eying the soldiers.

“Up through the tower.” Ralof said quickly.

I ran with him; skidding to a stop when the wall was smashed by the head of the dragon. Flattening myself against the wall as he breathed fire; He’s Shouting. How do I know that?

I stared at the rock, trying to work it out as Ralof shook his head over the Stormcloak soldier who’d been shifting the rubble. “Do you see that inn over there?” He asked. “Think you can make the jump?”

I nodded. “Yes.”

As he turned to Ulfric I gathered my energy and threw myself across the gap, hitting the floor of the inn and rolling to my feet. As I heard the dragon overhead, I bolted for the opening; dropping down quickly to what remained of the lower level; running outside; feeling discomfort grip me as I registered the young lad in the road trying to get his injured father to move. An Imperial soldier and a townsman were trying to get him to move; the father giving him reassurance. With a disgusted noise in my throat, I ran forward as the dragon swooped down; throwing the boy over my shoulder and darting to where the soldier who’d been calling to him was. Putting him down I met his eyes. “Mourn him but do not let it consume you.” I said, moving back as the townsman moved forward to take his hand as the dragon breathed fire down the street.

“Still alive prisoner?” The Imperial asked. “Stick with me if you want to stay that way.”

Your soldiers don’t seem to be doing all that fantastic against this thing. I followed him anyway, flattening against another wall as the dragon landed on it, trying to memorize the scale patterns. Viarmo will love this information if I can get it back to him.

“Ralof you damned traitor.” He snapped as we entered the keep.

“We’re escaping Hadvar.” Ralof responded. “You can’t stop us.”

Hadvar growled under his breath. “I hope that dragon takes you all to Sovngarde.” He snapped.

“If the dragon takes him to Sovngarde he takes us as well.” I pointed out; scouring the room for anything resembling gear; settling on an axe that I slipped into my belt. “So perhaps you two can stop fighting each other long enough for us to get out of here?”

The two men scowled at each other for a long moment before Ralof finally nodded. “She makes a good point Hadvar.” He said quietly.

“Fine. But only until we get out. I never want to see you again past that.”

“Agreed.” He responded. “That really was a dragon.”

“Something out of myths.” Hadvar agreed.

“Now we just need a Dragonborn.” I quipped, moving toward the inner door.

Hadvar laughed as the men joined me. “That’s a legend just as much as the dragons… were.”

“That’s true.” I agreed, moving down the stairs.

“Gods.” Ralof said as we entered a room with cages. “It’s a torture room.” He breathed.

“I hate that they’re even a necessity.” Hadvar grumbled.

“Torture is notoriously unreliable.” I said, lifting a black covered book off a small table, swiping some lockpicks into my pocket. “Where’d the torturer go?” I murmured.

“He must have heard the commotion and run off.” Hadvar responded.

“Let’s keep going.” Ralof said; “I don’t think we’ll get much in here.”

“True.” I agreed, taking point again.

Coming through the next area I frowned, moving swiftly to crouch by a dead man dressed in Imperial armor. “Frostbite spiders.” I muttered, finding the telltale signs of fangs on his body.

Looking around I breathed a sigh of relief as I spotted a bow and a handful of arrows lying by the wall. “Be alert.” Ralof said, scanning the ceiling himself.

“These things make my skin crawl.” Hadvar admitted as he stepped carefully away from the last spider.

“Agreed.” I responded, following them now as they moved through another corridor.

Ralof threw his hand back after a few minutes. “Bear.” He hissed. “I don’t like the idea of trying to take her. We should try to sneak past.”

“Three of us?” I asked skeptically; moving past them; nocking an arrow. Sighting carefully, I whispered a quick prayer to Shor and let loose, nocking another arrow immediately after and loosing it too, relieved to see the second arrow lodge in her eye socket as the first had hit her skull and stuck.

“Impressive,” Hadvar said softly. “The Legion could use an archer like you.”

Ralof snorted. “The Stormcloaks would be better served," he argued.

“Neither,” I responded. “I’ve got to get back to the Bard’s college and get a new instrument and songbooks then get back to doing what I was supposed to be doing.”

“We should stop by Riverwood,” Hadvar suggested. “My uncle is the Blacksmith there. He’ll make sure you’ve got something to eat at least.”

“Gerdur could do that just as well,” Ralof snapped.

This is going to be a long journey if these two keep growling at each other.

Hadvar paused and we all three quickly dropped down behind a boulder as the dragon flew overhead, soaring toward the mountains. “Think that’s the last of him?” He asked.

“For now,” I responded, shading my eyes, watching until he was a tiny speck in the distance.

“Ralof. There are too many Imperial Patrols by Riverwood for you to truly be safe there,” Hadvar muttered. “You’d be better off heading toward Windhelm.”

“Not banged up like I am,” Ralof retorted.

“For once would you shelve your stubborn pride!?” Hadvar shouted. “I don’t want to see you get killed so soon after you managed to escape execution.”

“I’m not being proud. I took a beating getting out.” He narrowed his eyes. “And getting carted off here in the first place.”

“Actually, both of you need some healing,” I interrupted. “All three of us really but I’m the best off, I think. So. Here.” I passed a healing potion to each of them. “Drink. Found them in the storeroom.” Gathering my magicka I put a hand on one of Ralof’s shoulders and one of Hadvar’s as they drank the potions, sending healing magic pulsing through them, following the trace of my magic to see who was the most injured.

“How the Fuck are you walking on that leg Hadvar?” I asked as I cut my magic off to keep a draining headache from forming.

“I didn’t really notice it," he admitted.

“That settles it,” Ralof snapped. “We’ll all go to Riverwood and lay low. Then we’ll go our separate ways again.”

Hadvar frowned. “Fine.”

“On the plus side you’ll both either be taken as scavengers or assumed that one of you is a deserter. In that scenario just think quick,” I suggested as we started moving again.

We reached Riverwood by middle afternoon. A small detour to see the Guardian stones. I’d brushed my hand against the warrior stone and been rewarded by a gleam of light and a warm feeling in my arms. Hadvar had laughed and said he’d known I hadn’t belonged in the line of prisoners. I’d pointed out that it was the Thalmor who’d brought me there and he’d sobered; commenting on treaties while Ralof scoffed.

“I’ll go see Gerdur. Thank you,” Ralof said softly, breaking off and moving around to the side of the town.

Hadvar watched him go, the pain on his face explicit. “I could almost forget what side he was on for a moment there," he murmured, then sighed. “Ah, there’s my uncle.” He raised his voice. “Uncle Alvor!”

The smith stepped away from his forge, staring at us, mostly focused on Hadvar. “Hadvar! What are you doing here boy? And looking like you lost a fight with a cave bear?”

“I’ll tell you inside.” He suggested.

“Who’s this?” He asked, nodding toward me.

“A friend.” Hadvar responded. “She saved my life in fact.”

I shrugged as the Blacksmith lead the way into his house, listening to Hadvar relay the story of what happened, filing it away for writing down later.

“And you?” Alvor asked. “Are you feeling alright?”

“Better than him. Why?” I asked.

“Someone needs to take this news to Whiterun. Riverwood is defenseless out here," he responded, looking worried.

“That I can do. Just around the mountain, right? Not terribly far by the road?” I asked, remembering the city but not who I’d been there with. Or why.

“Thank you," he responded, letting out a long sigh. “That takes a weight off of me.”

“It’s no problem.” I responded easily, rising from my seat. “Actually, I’ll go now; see if I can’t make it before the sun sets.”

“Gods bless you Silka.” Hadvar said softly. “Thank you for helping me get back home.”

“I’d say anytime but I’d rather not do this day over again,” I responded easily, moving out of the house, checking how my axe sat, wishing I had the gear the Thalmor had taken from me. Wishing I could remember all of what they’d taken.

The road to Whiterun was curiously empty other than a scraggly pair of wolves. I dispatched them and continued, seeing my first sign of movement when I spotted a giant lashing out at folk surrounding him on a farm. Thinking swiftly, I nocked an arrow and let it fly, watching as it caught his shoulder, distracting him enough that someone managed to hit him hard enough he staggered. They’ve got it. Slinging my bow on my back, I settled back onto the road, moving at a slow jog.

One of the guards raised a hand as I approached the gate. “Halt. Cities closed with dragons about," he said quickly.

“Alvor sent me to ask for some guards in Riverwood,”

“Riverwood’s in danger too?” He sighed. “Should’ve guessed as much. Go on in. The Jarl will want to speak with you personally. Dragonsreach is at the top of the hill. Can’t miss it.”

“Thank you,” I said, moving in past him. Probably shouldn’t take time to take a bath. And my appearance will add weight to what I’ll need to tell him.

Moving up the stairs I pushed open the doors and let out a low sigh of relief at the warmth that greeted me. Walking swiftly toward the throne I stopped as a Dunmer drew her sword and approached me, waiting to see what she had to say.

“What is the meaning of this? Jarl Balgruuf is not receiving visitors.”

I nodded. “Understood. Alvor sent me from Riverwood. He’s worried about the towns defenses should the dragon strike there next.”

“That’s fine. As Housecarl it is my duty to care for the people of this hold. But unless you have a first-hand account of the dragon your presence will not be needed.”

I let out a short breath. “Did anyone make it from Helgen?” I asked.

“No.”

“Damn,” I murmured. I hope that boy made it to Ivarstead at least. Or if General Tullius or Ulfric survived perhaps they had him join them. “I was hopeful.”

“You’ve been to Helgen?” She asked sharply.

“I… Yes. I was there,” I responded, almost feeling the heat of the dragon’s fire on my skin again.

“Why didn’t you mention that at the beginning?” She asked, eying me suspiciously.

“It's been a very long day. And, I admit, I didn’t want to think about it again so soon but…”

She sighed, sheathing her weapon. “That would explain your wounds," she murmured. “Come along.”

I followed obediently, stopping at her signal at the landing just below the throne. She finished the climb and whispered something in the Jarl’s ear as he looked me over.

I tugged self-consciously at the ill-fitting cuirass I wore but otherwise didn’t dare move. Finally, the housecarl stepped back. “So. Irileth tells me you were at Helgen. You saw this dragon with your own eyes?”

“Yes Jarl,” I responded respectfully. “Unfortunately,” I added. “It was…” I shook my head. “The devastation was nearly total even before myself and a couple of soldiers made it through the Keep. I’m not sure who all made it out. I’m guessing both General Tullius and Jarl Ulfric had the best chances, but I hope the boy I pulled off the road made it.”

“I should have known Ulfric would be caught up in this. But explain. I heard nothing about a battle.”

“There wasn’t one. Ulfric was brought there to be executed.”

“And you?” He asked sharply.

“The Thalmor,” I shrugged. “My guess is I offended them with my music.”

“You’re a bard?” He asked.

I nodded. “I know I don’t look like much of one, but they took my gear so,” I spread my arms a little in a shrug. “This is what I have.”

“Hmm. I may have more use of someone with your abilities. Were you always a Bard?” He asked quickly.

I shook my head. “No. I was a treasure hunter for hire before I was a bard.”

“Stick around Whiterun for a few days. I’ll make arrangements for you to have a room at The Bannered Mare. I may have a job for you shortly.”

“Thank you, Jarl,” I responded, offering one of the bows I’d been taught to use with Jarls.

He nodded and signaled a servant forward, whispering to them. “You’re all set," he told me as the servant ran off.

I inclined my head respectfully and moved to leave. “Hold Nord,” Irileth said.

I turned. “Yes Housecarl?”

“I would like to know everything you remember about the dragon. I want you to return here in the morning to answer questions.”

Sensible. Don't particularly care to think of it that much. But sensible. “Of course,” I replied, keeping my tone smooth so as not to show my discomfort.

Sinking into the water in the small bathhouse attached to the Bannered Mare I groaned as the heat from the water seeped into my skin. This has not been one of my better days. I think. Worrying at the holes in my memory like a bad tooth I frowned when I came up with nothing. Even most of my time spent with the Thalmor is riddled with holes. I’m having trouble even remembering what spells I know. At least I know what spells I don't know. And the spells I never want to try. Scrubbing soap through my hair I rinsed clean, rising, pulsing healing magic through myself to help with the aches and bruises that would take time to fade. Dressed and feeling much better about everything I walked into the Bannered Mare again, frowning to see how busy it had become, feeling an instinct to take cover. Well, that fucking sucks. Can’t do much as a Bard if I’m hiding from filled common rooms.

Grumpy, I made my way over to the counter to inquire about my room and a meal, choosing the quietest corner I could to down the soup quickly, barely tasting it, opting to bring the bottle of mead up to the small room that Hulda had arranged for me, leaning back on the bed, sipping at it as I considered where to go from here.    

Chapter Text

Freedom

Kaidan: The Abandoned Prison

How long has it been? I wondered, trying not to groan as moving my head caused pain to lance through my shoulders. Shifting my legs slightly, I locked my feet against the wall again, pushing up to provide some marginal relief to my arms, almost missing the creaking sound of the cell door opening.

I flinched as torchlight fell across my face. “When I get out of here. I’ll kill you all myself,” I snarled.

“By ‘you all’ I’m going to assume you mean the Thalmor and you might want me to heal you first,” a feminine, distinctly Nord, voice said.

I looked up groggily, feeling my breath catch at the sight of the woman before me. Dressed in decently fitted leather armor with wavy reddish-brown hair she was looking around the cell for something and I nearly sighed. Treasure hunter likely. Probably won’t let me down. “Who are you?” I asked, suspicious as to her intentions. “Are you with the Thalmor?”

She looked over from where she was shoving her torch into a metal bracket. “Do I Look like a Thalmor?” She spat.

I shook my head, wincing at the pain again while she sighed and moved toward the crate in the cell. “Not really,” I admitted. “But then why be here?”

“Thalmor took something of mine. I want it back," she responded, carrying the box over to me and dropping it on the floor, adjusting it with her foot. “What’s your name?” She asked, eying the box for a second. “Rest your feet on the back of that while I pick your locks, would you?” She added when I didn’t say anything right away.

Slowly I lowered my feet down. “My name is Kaidan,” I answered, feeling the relief almost instantly in my shoulders.

“How’d you end up here?” She asked as she stepped onto the corner of the box, narrowing her eyes as she stuck a pick into the lock.

“How the fuck do you think I ended up here? The damn Thalmor ambushed me at my camp.”

This look from her was apologetic. “Sorry; had to make sure they hadn’t actually managed to net someone who deserved it.”

“If they had?” I mused finding my gaze attracted to the scars on her cheek, an oddly shaped burn scar and some that looked a bit like claw marks tracking through the freckles. “The Thalmor give you those?” I asked.

She shrugged. “I have no idea. As to if you Had deserved to be caught by them, you’d have been spitting more threats and there’s a certain… aura around people like that," she explained, stepping carefully to the other corner of the box as my left arm fell free. I watched her start working on the other, pausing after a few seconds to shake her hand out. “Sorry. Seems I got a hand injury acting up. Must be recent," she murmured.

“You don’t know?” I asked; There’s a lot you don’t seem to know. I frowned, giving her a long look when the lock clicked, and I breathed out a sigh of relief as my arm fell free, staggering slightly. “Apologies,” I murmured as I bumped into her.

She shrugged. “It’s fine. I imagine you’re stiff. You alright with me touching you to heal you? I don’t have much in the way of healing potions. They’d only take the edge off.”

I frowned, I’d rather not have magic used on me but… I grimaced as my back twinged. “That’s fine.” I ground out, trying to relax my tensed muscles.

She nodded. “Alright.” Gently resting a hand on my chest, she frowned in concentration and I felt the pain easing, radiating outward from where her palm rested. After a moment she bit her lip and lifted her other hand, putting it next to the first, her eyes narrowed in concentration and I winced as I felt ribs pop back into place, taking my first deep breath in what I suspected were days. She looked up at me and I felt my breath catch slightly at a flash of vulnerability that flashed in her green-brown eyes as the glow and scent of magicka faded, feeling a brief impulse to touch her face. “Better?” She asked softly.

I nodded slowly. “Better,” I agreed; rolling my shoulders as she lifted her hands and jumped down off the box. “You managed to get my back too,” I said, feeling a bit surprised. Alright. That was… not completely unpleasant.

She gave me a half smile, rubbing at her temples. “So. You’ve been here then. Any idea where the rest of the Thalmor might be?”

I pointed toward the second door in my cell. “There’s more to the prison back that way.” And it’s where the damn Thalmor who took my sword went.

“Do you know how many?”

I shook my head. “At least one Justicar.”

“Justicar?” She asked as she approached the door, crouching down and taking her lockpick out again.

“The ones in charge,” I responded, giving her a sidelong look.

“Oh. Justiciars! Should’ve figured that.” She pushed a second pick into the lock. “Why did they lock the doors? It’s not like you could’ve gotten down on your own," she grumbled, shaking out her hand again as the door clicked.

I shrugged, ignoring her comment on my pronunciation. “Likely. But the Thalmor don’t like taking chances.”

“True.” She stretched her shoulders and moved through the door, turning toward a chest on a table.” Let’s see if we can’t find you a weapon," she suggested, popping the lid, pulling a one-handed sword free. “All they got," she murmured, passing it over to me.

“Not optimal but it will work,” I said, following her toward the stairs.

“Wish I could remember wards," she murmured. “Feel like Thalmor are likely to use magic.”

That’s the third time she’s said something about remembering things. She lose her memory or something? I never did get her name. I crouched, trying to match her silence as she neared the top of the stairs. She pulled her bow free and nocked an arrow, frowning, holding up three fingers.

Three of them? Damnit. I was hoping it would just be the Justicar. Adjusting my grip on the sword, I shadowed my rescuer as she carefully moved until she could see into the room, letting the arrow fly, nocking another quickly as the room erupted into chaos. I charged past her into the room, choosing my target and moving in, stabbing him, letting out a cry of pain as electricity arced through me, turning, blocking a blow from the second soldier, noting the arrow sticking out of their left shoulder.

“Impossible!” The Justicar roared. “You’re dead! You were executed.”

The woman laughed. “Didn’t you hear about the dragon?” She baited.

I turned from dispatching the second soldier to see her circling with the Justicar, her eyes focused, jerking to the side when he arced lightning toward her. “Still claiming memory loss Bard?” He spat.

“Oh, are you the one that caused the spell to go off?” She shook her head, meeting my eyes very briefly and I nodded as I readied the sword as she made another partial turn, drawing the Justicar to turn with her, putting his back to me completely.

I stepped in swiftly, driving the sword through his back and chest, rolling my neck as he crumpled, watching the woman crouch down to retrieve my sword before I could, puzzling over the Altmer’s last words. Noting her furrowed brow when she saw the script I shrugged and accepted it back. “Fucker deserved that,” I snarled. “Thank you,” I added, reaching a hand out for my sword.

She shrugged a shoulder and passed it over. “What’s the script say?” she asked. “It looks vaguely familiar, but I can’t place it.”

I felt my brows furrow. “It looks… familiar?”

She nodded. “Yes. But then the only class I excelled in at the Bard’s college was history so perhaps it’s a language I came across while there.” She laughed; a light sound that made me want to smile.

“Look. I appreciate your help,” I murmured. “Unfortunately, it means I owe you. And I don’t like being indebted to people.” I took a deep breath. “So, I propose I travel with you until I’ve repaid said debt.”

She glanced around the room for a moment, seeming to think it over, then looked back to me. “Sounds like a good plan," she said, her tone oddly cheerful for our surroundings. “So, what’s the sword say?”

“I am your sword and shield,” I told her, ignoring the question about the sword’s script again, eying the leather armor she wore with some small amounts of distaste. Why do I feel like I’ll be doing a lot of shielding?

“Is that really what it says?” She asked. “Or were you just being formal about the debt thing?”

“The latter,” I said slowly.

“Ah.” She nodded, looking around the room again. “So, you don’t want to talk about the sword. Got it. Let’s see if we can’t find your gear and my stuff in these chests.”

Sounds like a plan. I frowned, almost disappointed that she’d dropped the issue of the sword so quickly. Though if she might know the script perhaps it would be useful to admit that I don’t? I considered it, as I dropped into a chair by the only table in the room, flipping through the notebook left there, frowning over it. Looks like the Justicar was trying to decode something. Opening the small chest by the chair I noted it contained a small stack of books, quills, ink and strangely about four pieces of a lute. Bard? I looked over at the woman as she searched the small line of chests on the other side of the room. She said she’d been to the bard’s college. And the Justicar called her Bard.

“Over here!” She called. “I might have found it. Looks like it’d fit you anyway.”

I nodded, rising from the chair. “You might want to check this chest out. Seeing as the Thalmor called you a Bard,” I said, leaving the lid open and walking over to the chest she was by, feeling relief as I recognized the contents. “Yes. This is it,” I murmured, glancing at the weapon rack nearby to see that they’d hung my bow there. Gathering my gear, I watched my rescuer survey the contents of the small chest while I strapped my armor in place. After a moment she flipped through the book on the table and snorted.

“Right. Okay. Yup. Grabbing all of this," she said briskly, rising, shoving the books in her pack haphazardly, dropping one on the ground, picking up the pieces of the lute, frowning over it. “No salvaging this," she grumbled, her voice low. “Damn it. At least my songbooks made it. Can’t find my damn armor or weapons either. Fucking Thalmor.”

I stepped forward and grabbed the one that had fallen on the ground, turning it so I could see what it said. The script looked vaguely familiar and I frowned at it, flipping to the next page, feeling my eyebrows rise as I registered the title of the song written below it. The Akaviri and the Blades?

“I’ll… I’ll take that please," she said, holding out a hand, her expression hard to read.

“Do you know this language?” I asked, flipping back to the previous page, holding it out toward her.

She took it and looked down, skimming the page. “Yes," she responded, closing the book and shoving it into her pack as well, lifting it and settling it over her shoulders, looking down at the pieces of lute for a long moment. “Let’s get out of here.”

“Don’t want to tell me what it says?” I wondered. Payback for my sword?

“I don’t want to linger here," she responded. “We can talk about it when we make camp. I’m on a bit of a deadline actually. Need to be getting an artifact from a tomb above Riverwood. Something called the Dragonstone.”

“Who wants something like that?” I asked as we started back down the stairs.

“The court wizard of Whiterun; Farengar,” she responded. “The Jarl gave me a week to get it. Took me day and a half to get here. Two days to Riverwood puts me at three and a half days. Half a day or so to clear the tomb maybe? Maybe a day. Gives me a couple days of wiggle room.”

“So, you came down just for gear?” I wondered, following her up some stairs, noting the dead Thalmor dotting rooms as we passed, no sign of another living being. “You came down here alone?”

“Yes. Keep watch though, just in case I missed any Thalmor," she said. “And yes, to the gear. I wanted my song books and lute. I heard whispers that there was a small group of Thalmor acting out of this prison and since it was the Thalmor that decided I ought to be executed, I thought I’d pay them a visit. See if they had my things here. Wasn’t expecting that Justiciar to recognize me.”

“You didn’t recognize him?” I asked curiously. And executed for what? How did you survive?

She shook her head. “No.”

“Mistaken identity perhaps,” I suggested.

There’s something she’s not telling me. I frowned, watching her face as she pushed the door open to the outside with a shrug. Stepping outside I took a deep breath, closing my eyes for a moment, letting the sun hit my face. Gods that feels good. After a long moment, I opened my eyes to see the woman sitting on the edge of the half-crumbled walkway, reading one of the books we’d recovered, her brow furrowed with concentration, the sun picking up the red in her hair.

She looked up. “Ready to go?”

“Yes,” I responded. “What is your name anyway? You never did introduce yourself.”

She flushed crimson. “Sorry about that," she said. “I’m Silka.”

“You’re a bard?”

“I am. Or was. At the moment I have no lute so I’m going back to my artifact finding roots.”

“Treasure hunting,” I translated, amused by the description.

“For others. Treasure hunting for others," she corrected, smiling up at me.

She has an infectious smile. I smiled at her back as I followed her along the edge of the river, watching her scramble easily over rough patches. That is One advantage to light armor I suppose. “Ah; that sun feels nice.” I said as we approached the road, reveling in the feeling of being free again.

She glanced over at me with a grin. “It is a beautiful day," she agreed, slowing her pace so she was walking at my side.

“Did you stop anywhere near here on the way?” I asked, eying the sun.

“Yes. But halfway down a cliff. Not much room there for two people. Safer for one though.”

“Maybe we’ll find a cave then,” I suggested. “One we can clear out easily.”

“There’s always a catch," she responded, pausing as we rounded a corner, looking toward the side of the road, hands tracking toward her axes.

I quirked an eyebrow as she moved a bit further and then heard it too, the unmistakable sound of boots scuffing on an uneven surface.

A few more paces and four roughly equipped folk spilled out of the brush. “Now ain’t this a surprise,” a burly Nord said, lifting his greataxe menacingly.

“Is it?” Silka asked mildly, not drawing her weapons yet and I wondered what she was waiting for as I rested my hand on the hilt of my blade.

“Hand over your valuables," he ordered.

“Mm. That seems like a terrible idea," she responded.

He reared back with his axe and she shook her head, flicking her hand quicker than I could follow and the three with him drew weapons as he crumpled, a knife lodged in his throat.

Drawing my sword, I noted that now she had drawn her weapons, an axe in each hand and she was moving fast to dodge to the side as the three rushed her, seeming in their anger to have momentarily forgotten me. Works. I moved in, cutting one down easily as the bard danced around the other two, darting in to aim blows, darting out when the other would get closer.

She is Fast. I stepped back, blocking as one of the two remaining saw me coming in and opted to go after me instead, swinging her sword at my head. It was a matter of moments to dispatch her and I turned to see that Silka was scanning the trees, axes still ready. She looked at me and nodded.

“You hurt?”

I shook my head. “You?”

“Not really," she said, crouching by one of the bandits to wipe her axes off and retrieve her knife, putting them away quickly before resting her fingers on a nasty gash on her arm, healing it with a pulse of white-gold magic.

I frowned, looking away, wondering what she considered a bad injury.

“Oh, I noticed your hesitation about being healed earlier so I thought I should let you know that I’ll only heal you if you’re in dire straights or you ask," she said as she pulled the coin pouches from the bandits.

That’s both considerate and very observant of you.

Not finding a suitable cave we set up camp off the road a way, rigging up two small lean-tos with a fire in front. It was surprisingly smooth working with Silka, and we had it prepped for the night rather swiftly. Sitting cross legged by the fire I stared into it for several long moments, not really thinking of anything. Silka sighed, pulling me out of my reverie and I looked up to see her flipping through one of the books, looking up at me as she put it to the side. “So how did the Thalmor manage to get the jump on you?” She asked.

“I was trying to find a way through Pale Pass but ever since Helgen and the rumors of dragons things have been locked up tight. So, I’d picked up a bounty contract and they ambushed me near the lake,” I explained. “Not entirely sure why to be honest. Although they were rather curious about the sword.”

“Rumors of dragons," she muttered, rubbing her fingers over a nasty set of scars partially hidden by her left bracer. “Must’ve been nerve wracking," she said at normal levels.

“Aye, but Brynjar taught me how to handle fear. Gives you a sharpness ya know? Having a little bit of fear in dangerous situations. Keeps ya from getting complacent.”

“I suppose that’s true," she agreed, looking at the fire for a long moment. “You worried about the Thalmor coming after you again?”

I shook my head. “No. I figure it’s inevitable. But they’ll not be able to take me by surprise again. Live and learn, right?”

“Well, usually,” she responded, the glint of amusement in her eyes again. “Unless someone sets a memory spell on you and you forget more than half your life.”

“That sounds like a mixed bag,” I responded slowly. “Depending on what you’ve forgotten.”

“I suppose everyone has things they’d like to forget.” She let out a half laugh. “Even me ironically. But.” She shook her head. “If you forget. How do you keep yourself from making the same mistakes again?” She stood. “No use getting bogged down in it. You ok if I set an alarm spell for the night? Or would you rather stand normal watches?”

I frowned. “An alarm spell?” I asked. “How does that work?”

“It’s a spell that makes a noise if someone or something that means harm crosses the set boundary. Boundary size can change from 5 meters to about 500. Duration from about fifteen minutes to six hours. It all depends on how the caster casts it. And how strong they are.” She shrugged. “I know magic makes you uncomfortable so…”

“How did you figure that out?” I asked quickly.

“It was how you stiffened before agreeing to let me heal you. There was quite a vivid expression of distaste on your face. I guessed if you were uncomfortable with Restoration magic that other magic would be worse.”

“I believe I can handle this alarm spell of yours,” I said slowly, frowning anyway over the idea of being around more magic. Not sure what to make of your ability to read me like that.

“Only if you’re sure," she responded softly.

I grunted. “I’m certain,” I said flatly.

“Alright," she agreed. “I’ll set it just before we retire for the night. No use expending the energy too early.”

Chapter Text

Silka: On the road

“Now was there something you wanted to know?” I asked, sitting cross-legged on the ground, giving Kaidan my full attention, resisting the urge to search through the books again.

“Were you at the prison?” He asked.

I shrugged. “I don’t remember.”

“Alright…” He frowned. “Why’d the Justicar think you were dead?”

I flinched and let out a long breath. “They sent me to Helgen when I was no longer useful. Dragon showed up and wrecked the place before I could be executed,” I explained, shying away from the memories.

“Wow. That’s. That’s damn lucky.”

I gave him a long look. “Was it?

“You survived, didn’t you?” He asked, looking slightly surprised by my lack of enthusiasm.

“I suppose I did,” I said slowly. “But so many didn’t. I don’t even know if the kid I pulled off the road made it.”

“Were you badly injured?” He asked, his voice softer now.

I grimaced. “I was banged up. Can’t remember how many injuries were prior to Helgen though. Guessing my hands happened with the Thalmor but not sure otherwise.”

“Y’know. If you know something about the Blades or the Akaviri that could be a reason why they opted to detain you in the first place," he pointed out.

“I think the correct terminology right now is knew. If I knew anything about the Blades or the Akaviri which… I probably did as the spell didn’t seem to have extended to languages. And I can read Akaviri.”

“You can read it?” He asked, his eyes wide.

I nodded, covering a yawn with the back of my hand. “I can.” I pulled out one of my journals and the notebook I’d found on the table. “Now oddly it doesn’t seem as though the Justiciar we killed today could read it. Which strikes me as odd for some reason. But I digress. He thought it was code.” I flipped the notebook around, showing it to Kaidan. “He was trying to translate a random page in this journal. He fucked it up beyond recognition though.”

“So, are those your journals?” He asked.

“Yes. I verified it by looking at some of the more recent ones which contain memories I do have. I also found a stack of letters addressed to me tucked into one of them. So.”

“What will you do now?”

“Look through this in the hopes I knew the person who cast the spell. See if I mentioned it in any of my earlier journals. See if I can remember it after I’ve read it.”

“Why wouldn’t you remember what you’ve read?”

I closed my eyes for a moment. “I don’t know. It may be part of the spell.”

“So, you can read and write Akaviri. Can you speak it? Why do you keep your journals in Akaviri?”

I smiled. “I think so but I’m not entirely sure. I doubt there are many people who can speak it. As to why I keep my journals in Akaviri. No idea.”

“Fair enough. I’m going to get some sleep," he muttered, laying out his bedroll and laying down.

“Sleep well.” I murmured, flipping through the journals, finding the first one based on dates and settling down to read about my past.

After a couple of hours, I gave up, frustrated with forgetting everything as soon as I turned the page. Why isn’t it working? I tried to hold my tears back, failing miserably, just managing to keep from sniffling. Dashing them silently away, I set the alarm spell and laid down, staring up at the stars.

A splash of rain woke me, and I scrambled quickly to roll up my bedroll and put it away, looking across the remains of the fire to see that Kaidan was sitting cross-legged by it, his gear already packed. “Thinking of heading out in the rain or looking for shelter?” He asked.

I considered the sky as I rose, frowning at a sudden crack of thunder. “Shelter,” I said darkly. “I’d rather not get struck by lightning. How long have you been awake?” I asked as we took to the road.

“About an hour," he responded. “Figured you had read some in your journals before sleeping so thought I’d let you sleep longer.”

“I did so I appreciate it,” I replied, startling at a nearby bolt of lightning, rubbing spots out of my eyes. “See anywhere to take shelter yet?” I called.

He shook his head. “Not yet.”

“Damn.”

Close to an hour later we found a relatively shallow cave, chasing out the skeever that had been hiding inside. “Tell me something. Are you native to Skyrim?” He asked.

“Far as I know,” I responded easily, helping clear a spot for a fire, shivering in my wet armor.

“I figured since you were a Nord it was an easy guess.”

“Hedging your bets, were you?” I asked, somewhat amused as he started coaxing the fire to start, not bothering to tell him I thought I might know one Destruction spell that would make it faster. I hate Destruction magic for some reason, and I’m betting he hates it as well.

“Of course," he responded, half smiling. “What’s your family like?”

I blew out a long breath. “I have no idea,” I said, keeping my tone bright although I felt tears smarting the corners of my eyes. I’ve been losing even more of my memories prior to about six years ago. Why? WHY? I pushed the despair back, trying to keep my face straight. I barely know you. You don’t need to know. It won’t impact our work together… right? I frowned, feeling a little uneasy, wondering if there were potentially dangerous things in my past.

“So, you weren’t joking. About losing your memory," he mused. “How much did you lose? If you don’t mind my asking.”

“About sixteen years,” I said softly. “And it seems to be getting worse. Little patches of memory I had from when I was a child that seem to have had nothing to do with the trigger are fading. And…” I trailed off.

“And what?” He asked, his red eyes concerned.

“I spent over an hour reading my journals last night but as soon as I looked away from the page, I forgot what I’d read. Unless it was something that happened in the last six years.”

He shook his head. “Damn that’s rough.”

I shrugged a shoulder, grimacing at the wet leather, moving my hands to the straps. Need to dry this out. “Anyway. Why were you hoping to head into Cyrodiil?” I asked as I shed my wet armor, setting it near enough to the fire that it would start drying, laying out my bedroll to ensure it would be dry enough to sleep in. Was hoping Not to use one of my grace days. But that is what they’re for.

“I’ve just about exhausted my lead for answers in Skyrim and thought I’d start over in the last place Brynjar and I lived," he said.

“Search for answers about what?” I asked curiously.

“My sword," he said after a long moment. “My heritage. They seem to be connected but I have no answers. That's why I thought to try again where I started," he explained, sitting cross-legged by the now cheerful fire, his armor and bedroll laid out as well.

Taking a deep breath, I forced myself not to look him over too obviously. Damnit he is attractive. Maybe I should put myself in danger on purpose so we can part ways before I get distracted from figuring out this memory thing. I smirked at the idea, before another thought occurred to me. “You know. I am a member of the Bard’s College. I could help you have a straightforward discussion with Giraud.”

“Giraud?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Giraud Gemane. He’s the Dean of history at the Bard’s College. He might have some answers about your sword, or could point us in the direction of somewhere to get them. If he doesn’t know then the Dean of the College might know. Viarmo is brilliant and knows a lot about just about every subject.” I shook my head. “The only other option I can think of is the College of Winterhold.”

He visibly recoiled and I nodded. “I figured that would be your reaction. So. Bard’s college first?”

“You’d really help me with this?” He asked curiously.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because you need help, and I might be able to provide it. Do I need another reason?”

“Have you forgotten that we’re traveling together because I owe you already? How would this not add to my debt?”

“Think of it this way. I need to return to the Bard’s college sooner or later. You’d just be accompanying me,” I suggested.

He sighed heavily, narrowing his eyes. “Fine. Fine.”

“Sounds like a plan then,” I said, pulling out some dried meat and offering some to him. “Oh, forgot to give you your portion of the coin we acquired from the bandits yesterday,” I said, passing the coin pouch over.

He shook his head, staring into the fire for a long moment. “Did you figure out why you write in Akaviri?”

I startled then sighed. “If I did. I can’t remember,” I said softly.

“I am sorry to hear that," he said, his voice sounding sincere.

“Thanks. I appreciate it,” I murmured, staring into the fire, feeling my ribs twinge in pain as I forced myself not to jerk when the flames reminded me harshly of Helgen, the scent of burnt flesh and blood in my nose. Shuddering, I wrapped my arms tightly around my knees and buried my face in them.

“You alright?”

“I’m fine,” I said shortly, muffled by my knees.

“Thinking about Helgen?” He asked.

I shifted my position, glancing up with a frown. “Astute observation.”

He chuckled. “Not really. Seemed the most likely thing for you to be thinking about. That or your memories.”

“Mm. Fair. It’s a little sad though. Having sixteen years of memories I’d give anything to have back and at the same time almost wishing I could forget a memory from last week.”

“Almost wishing?” He queried, studying a bit of material in his hands.

“Well, there are things about that day that I’d like to relay to Viarmo and Giraud,” I explained. “Like how the dragon scales were put together. Things like that.”

He smiled. “You truly are formidable.”

“How so?”

“Ah. Don’t worry about it," he said quickly.

I raised an eyebrow but when he didn’t look back up from what he was carving I shook my head and turned my attention to my newest journal, glad that I hadn’t lost my ability to write and read Akaviri at least. Here’s hoping it helps break up the flashbacks. Maybe getting it all down will help keep them at bay.

Bleak Falls Barrow

“Giant Frostbite spiders. How do they survive in places like this?” I murmured. “I can’t imagine that treasure hunters are in here That often.”

“Skeevers probably,” Kaidan suggested. “They’re pretty common around here.”

“But wouldn’t they eventually stop?” I shook my head. “It’s dead now so I’m shouldn't worry about it much longer,” I said, moving toward the broken web by the door. “How far ahead do you think the thief got?”

“No idea," he responded. “There a reason you didn’t just shoot him?”

“I figure that he’ll take care of some of the traps or other dangers,” I said sweetly. “Take some heat off of us.”

He shook his head. “Cold.”

“And just shooting him isn’t?” I responded, moving through the darkness. Kaidan coughed and I gave him a sidelong look. “You alright over there?”

“I hate this scent," he replied, waving a hand toward the deeper rooms.

“Ah. Agreed. But it shouldn’t take us overly long.” I paused as I heard a deep growling sound, and with a sigh drew my axes. “Either he didn’t make it very far or he woke the Draugr up on his way past,” I murmured, moving forward a few steps, watching the Draugr approach. Dispatching the three in the first room I nearly stumbled over the dead thief, shaking my head as I checked his bag, finding a journal and a golden claw ornament. “He didn’t make it far,” I said, passing the claw up to Kaidan while I skimmed the journal.

“Says the answer is in the palm of your hand,” I read, studying it a bit more. “He didn’t figure it out past that.”

Kaidan turned the claw toward me, showing animal shapes carved into the palm of the claw. “Bet it means these.”

“That doesn’t seem very secure.” I responded, rising away from the thief and heading toward the next room, carefully stepping around a pressure plate.

“No, it doesn’t," he agreed, moving in fast past me to drop a Draugr stepping down from an alcove, turning and blocking a second one as I came in with my axes and cut it down. “Do you always chat this much while going through Nordic ruins?” He asked.

I flushed and shook my head. “No. But then I rarely have company through them.”

“You sure? Sure you didn’t just forget that?”

I scowled. “I’m sure Kaidan. Thanks,” I snapped.

“When did you pick up treasure hunting?”

“About six years ago,” I responded, moving in with him to drop another Draugr, holding up a hand as we approached a small room. Pulling my bow free I moved silently forward, nocking an arrow and taking aim at the currently closed coffin. Taking another step forward I watched the lid start to fall and loosed the arrow, watching the Draugr fall, nocking another as it started to get back up. My second arrow pierced its skull and it stilled. “I’ve seen those kinds of sarcophagi before,” I explained when Kaidan gave me a questioning look.

About an hour later we came to a large door with animal symbols on its three rings. “What’s the pattern on the claw?” I asked, standing on tiptoe to reach the top ring when Kaidan laughed softly and stepped forward pushing the ring himself, looking down at me with a smile.

“You can ask for my help with such things," he pointed out.

I flushed. “Thanks,” I responded dryly, trying not to notice how close he was standing, flushing further when he didn’t move until we had all the runes lined up to match the claw. Putting the claw palm down into the central key I twisted it, forcing myself not to jerk back and bump into Kaidan when with the sound of old stone grinding against old stone it sank slowly down into the floor.

“Be wary. Who knows what we’ll find in here?” Kaidan whispered as we moved into the burial chamber.

“A comforting thought," I replied, turning my attention to the wall behind the sarcophagus on the platform in front of it. “Why is the word wall glowing?” I wondered, keeping my voice low.

“Why is the what glowing?” He asked, looking around, his hands flexing on his sword hilt.

“The word wall.”

“I know what a word wall is. And it’s not glowing.”

“Yes, it is," I hissed. “And whispering.”

He gave me another confused look and with a low sigh I crept forward, reaching a hand out to tap the glowing word when light flashed brilliantly in my face and the single word burned itself into my mind with a searing flash of pain. Biting my lip to keep from crying out I pressed my arm over my eyes, trying to clear the tears of pain when scraping stone alerted me and I turned, blinking hard as Kaidan moved toward the sarcophagus.

The lid of the sarcophagus hit the floor with a loud bang, and I moved forward with Kaidan, staggering back as the Draugr levered itself out and Shouted. “Fus!”

With a roar Kaidan slammed his sword into its shoulder, cleaving down into its midsection, pulling back and turning, prepping to hit it again as I moved forward, axes ready just in case, watching it crumple. No need. Well don’t I feel useless? Replacing my axes, trying to ignore the trembling I felt in my limbs, I approached the Draugr, crouching down by it and studying it. That word it said. The Shout. That’s the word that the wall burned into my brain. Glancing in the sarcophagus I pulled out a rock with a familiar shape on it. “Is this a map of Skyrim?” I murmured.

Kaidan came over at looked at. “Looks like it could be. But what are all the markings?”

“Dunno.”

“Let’s get it back to Farengar then.”

“A sound plan,” I agreed. “Spend the night in the Riverwood Lodge though? Rather than waking folk up in the middle of the night?”

He nodded and we moved off. I breathed a sigh of relief when a staircase at the back proved to be a shortcut out of the barrow. Scrambling down the mountain in the dim light I found an inexplicable cheer as we traversed the wooded area.

Reaching the lodge, we wandered through it, checking if anyone else was about before sitting down to eat something.

“What happened before?” Kaidan asked softly.

“Hmm?” I asked.

“By the word wall. It looked like you were in pain.”

“I was. I told you the damn thing was glowing and then it seared a word into my brain,” I snapped, irritated at the whole thing.

“Really? I thought you were jesting.”

“In the middle of a burial chamber?” I asked, rolling my eyes. “No.”

He shrugged. “I’m still learning.”

“I’ll be alright,” I said softly, somewhat thrown off by the comment; learning about what? I wondered, covering a yawn. About me? My idiosyncrasies? “I’m going to get cleaned up before bed though. There’s a good spot by the anvil.”

“That’s going to be cold," he pointed out.

“I’m a Nord Kaidan. Cold is normal for me.”

He raised an eyebrow and shook his head. “Alright Silka. If you say so.”

“Did you want the upstairs bed? I can take one of the ones downstairs,” I offered.

He shook his head. “Neither of those beds looked very comfortable. And the one upstairs is large enough for both of us. With room to spare. If you’re willing to trust me.”

I considered it then shrugged. “Well, you haven’t proven untrustworthy these past couple of nights. And I can always use magic if I proved to be wrong about you.” I think. I’m not sure I have much in the way of offensive spells. Fairly sure I have a light spell though. I’d just shine that in his face. I shrugged, grinning at the look on his face before rising. “I’ll be back.”

Chapter Text

Kaidan: Riverwood Lodge

Shivering slightly as I sat down after getting washed up myself, I sighed, figuring I’d sit by the fire for a while, working steadily to finish the carving I was working on. Maybe I ought to go downstairs instead. Might make her more comfortable. Might make me more comfortable. I considered the thought, mind going to the moment in the barrow at the puzzle door. Fuck. What was I thinking? It didn’t seem to make her uncomfortable though. Not much anyway. Just made her blush again. Bah. It’ll be fine. I set the carving to the side, brushing my pants off before rising and heading up the stairs, pausing at the top, noting that Silka appeared to be asleep, a thin blanket pulled up to her neck. Putting my pack down I sorted through it, finding my spare blanket and carrying it over to the bed, pausing, looking down at the sleeping woman. She looks so fragile somehow. Even though I spent all day today being reminded repeatedly how deadly she is with bow and axe. Silently, I spread my blanket over her, resisting the urge to reach down and trace the scars on her face. Hands to yourself Kai. I scolded myself, stepping back a pace, watching her sleep for a long moment. Why did she decide to help me? She didn’t have to release me. I’m certain it made it easier to kill the rest of the Thalmor, but I’ve seen her fight. She’s clever. She’d have found a solution to being outnumbered three to one. Gods know I can’t sneak well so she’d likely have just waited and picked them off as they left. Why did she agree to help me? And why then agree to let me join her? She doesn’t know me well. I could mean her harm. Why is she so Good? How is she so Good? After everything she went through even in this last month. And whatever gave her those scars…

Stripping down to my undergarments, I changed into a clean pair of pants and pulled my main blanket free of my pack, moving to the clear side of the bed and lying down, turning so I could see my companion. There’s something about her that intrigues me. Doesn’t hurt that she’s fucking gorgeous. Well. That might make things difficult in the long run. Maybe. She does use magic, and she openly threatened to use it against me so that’s a buffer against attraction. Granted she’s yet to use conjuration or destruction magic. And she indicated she’d only turn it against me if I turned on her first but I’m sure it’s only a matter of time. Just like Rosalind. I scowled, staring at the nearest wall, looking back when Silka jerked in her sleep, her breathing becoming faster. I frowned, lifting myself up a bit, watching her. Nightmare. I frowned, as she shifted. I don’t know if I can do anything to help her. I could try waking her up. Taking a deep breath, I lifted my hand then lowered it slightly. Don’t touch. She might react badly.

“Silka,” I called, keeping my voice even. “Silka. You’re dreaming.”

She jerked again, this time her eyes opening, and I felt my breath quicken at the pain and vulnerability in her eyes, the urge to ease the pain somehow at the forefront of my thoughts. “Kaidan," she said softly, then sighed. “Sorry.”

I felt my brow furrow. “Sorry for what?” I asked as she sat up, letting out a low breath as I noted the extent of the claw marks on her shoulder. Something got her bad. I’m surprised it didn’t kill her. I really want to know that story. Especially with the one on her arm as well. I shook my head, then felt my mouth dry when she shifted, and I noted the edge of what appeared to be more claw marks on her back. Now I definitely want the story. Does she remember what happened? Did they happen within the last six years?

“Sorry if I woke you," she responded, turning back with a half-smile.

I shook my head. “You didn’t,” I replied. “I got distracted, just laid down.”

“Then your timing was perfect, and I thank you," she said, her voice cheerful.

I narrowed my eyes. That cheer sounds forced. She trusts me to share a bed with her without doing anything untoward but won’t trust me with the nightmare… Perhaps if I ask. “What was it?” I asked.

“Mm?” She sighed. “Half remembered things.” She shook her head. “Trust reoccurring nightmares to cut through the spell but I can’t remember my own twin’s face," she muttered, looking away, lifting a hand to her face and I guessed she was wiping away tears.

I lifted a hand, half reaching toward her and stopped. Don’t. Just. Just don’t. I grimaced, forcing my breathing to remain even as I shook my head and reached for her shoulder anyway. Her left hand shot up and grabbed my wrist and I winced. Damnit. I overstepped.

She turned, her gaze calm although her eyes were bright with unshed tears. “Don’t," she said softly. “I appreciate the gesture, but nobody touches those scars.”

“My apologies,” I responded, the curiosity burning even hotter as she nodded and released my wrist before lying back down, pulling the blankets tightly to her chest and I wondered if she realized she’d left her back partially uncovered. “If you don’t let anyone touch your scars how do you…” I trailed off, cheeks heating as I realized I’d said that out loud. What is wrong with me?

She sighed heavily and rolled over, sitting back up, the blankets slipping down to her waist. “Are you seriously asking me about my sex life?” She asked, her cheeks flushed, and I felt a jolt go through me as I realized the flush tracked down to her breasts, looking away quickly.

“I…” Fuck.

She rolled her eyes. “Look. When you’re paying for sex no one cares if you wear a shirt. Especially if you’re not adverse to tipping and tipping well.”

“My apologies,” I said again. “I’ll just go to sleep now.” I’m surprised that someone with your charms has to pay for sex. Unless. I glanced at her. Unless you’re looking to avoid entanglements. And the question there now is… why?

“Probably for the best," she responded, her eyes sparkling with amusement.

“You’re not angry with me?” I wondered, thoroughly confused.

“Not this time.” She shook her head. “You’re tired. You didn’t mean to say that out loud by the way you reacted. You tried to comfort me, and you gave me a blanket. You didn’t have to do either of the last two," she explained.

You are a very forgiving person. I nodded and laid down, forcing myself to close my eyes before I was tempted to look at her further. Fuck. What is wrong with me?  I felt the bed shift slightly as she laid back down and cracked an eyelid open, opening my eyes completely as I registered she’d lain down with her back to me. I studied her scars, noting that the way she lay had tugged the dress down slightly and I frowned as I registered that there definitely were claw marks that disappeared down the back. What would it take to make you comfortable enough to tell me that story? Guess I’ll have to stick around until she trusts me enough to tell me. Decided, I closed my eyes and let myself drift, satisfied with my resolve.

Jerking half-awake from one of my usual nightmares I heard a soft voice singing something. Trying to make out the words without opening my eyes I found myself getting more and more drowsy, falling readily back to sleep, the screams in my head fading away.

The rich scent of cooking pork woke me, and I marveled at how refreshed I felt. Opening my eyes, I sat up, not too surprised to find that the other half of the bed was empty. Looking around the small room with a frown I relaxed a hair when I heard noise from downstairs. Just in case it wasn't Silka I rose and moved that direction, sword on my back. Halfway down I caught a glimpse of wavy auburn hair and relaxed, sitting down on the steps, listening to Silka sing as she stirred something over the fire. It was your voice I heard when the nightmare started waking me. How is it that it soothed me so easily? Resting my head on my hand, I watched her move between the table and the fire. She was still wearing the dress she’d slept in and I couldn’t stop my gaze from dropping to her hips as she swayed them for a moment, lost in her music.

Mage remember? I shook my head, averting my gaze as I found my thoughts wandering toward how it would feel to put my hands on those hips. Still. There’s something about her. I shifted my gaze back, watching her lift the pot from the fire and put it on the table, planting her hands on her hips before nodding decisively as she ended her song.

My mouth dried when she started humming a new song as she walked over to the food stores, swaying her hips again, moving her whole body in time with the music. Fuck. There's no way she heard me coming down the stairs. Feeling a bit like a voyeur, I shifted my weight. Rising I finished walking down the stairs, purposefully making a little extra noise toward the bottom. She whirled, turning scarlet and I raised an eyebrow as I forced my gaze to remain on her face, not track down again. “Morning,” I greeted.

She spun back to the food stores. “Morning," she replied. “How are you feeling?”

“Refreshed," I said honestly, moving toward the table.

“Excellent. We’ve got to head off to Whiterun after breakfast. Speaking of, while I find what I’m looking for do you mind dishing it up?”

I smiled, splitting the porridge between two bowls, noting that the scent that had woken me was indeed pork and divided that up as well. Turning away from the table I shook my head, crossing my arms over my chest as Silka went on tiptoe by the food stores.  Letting out a low laugh I moved in her direction. “I know I mentioned this yesterday. I can help you reach things while we travel together.”

She laughed merrily, glancing over her shoulder at me. “I know but old habits die hard.”

“What are you looking for anyway?” I asked, stopping about a foot from her, warmed by the laughter.

“Delphine told me they kept a stash of honey on the top shelf. I like my porridge a bit sweet," she said, turning her attention back to the shelf.

I shook my head again, moving in closer as I surveyed the baskets and jars.  Finding the honey jar I reached up and pulled it down as she turned. Lifting the lid, I sniffed it, considering the scent. I don’t know that I’ve ever sweetened my porridge. Maybe Brynjar did when I was a child. Somehow I doubt it. Looking down at Silka I raised an eyebrow. “You like sweet food then?” I asked.

“Some," she said. “It depends," she added, reaching out her hands for the jar.

I smiled and turned away. “Depends on what?” I asked as she made a small, vexed noise in her throat before following me.

“What the food is. I don’t like cloying sweetness," she said, sitting at the table, surveying the amount I’d given her, tilting her head slightly. “Can I have the honey please?”

I grinned as I sat across from her, passing the jar over. “Of course.”

Shaking her head, a flicker of amusement in her eyes she lifted a spoon and scooped some out, drizzling it on her grains, lifting an eyebrow as she fished out a little more. “Want any?”

I shook my head. “No thanks.”

She shrugged and popped the spoon in her bowl. “Alright.”

“How long have you been awake?” I asked curiously.

“Few hours. Wanted to get some study in, some potions made.”

“Oh? What were you studying?”

She shrugged. “An alteration spell," she responded, not meeting my eyes. “Figure it’ll come in useful in combat.”

“What does it do?” I asked suspiciously. Interesting how open she was about using magic to defend herself while tired but is much more concerned with how I perceive it when she’s more awake. I wonder why?

“It’s called oakflesh. It’ll give me an added layer of protection.”

“Oak Flesh?”

“It doesn’t literally turn my skin to oak, but it gives similar levels of protection. Changes how it looks for a time too. Probably also how it feels but… changes my fingertips too so. Helps my grip. But at the moment only last about thirty seconds.”

I frowned. “Show me.”

“After breakfast," she promised, turning her attention back to her food.

I sighed but didn't press it, turning my attention back to my own food.

Gathering the dishes, I rose, noting that there was a basin already set up for washing. She doesn’t like to waste time, does she? Setting the dishes in the soapy water, I shifted slightly to the side when Silka moved to my side.

“Mm. Tell me more about you while we work?” She asked. “If you want.”

She wants to learn more about me? Hmm. “Alright. I was raised by a Nord Bounty Hunter. Traversed across large portions of Tamriel. Learned to fight before I could read.”

“You’ve mentioned a Brynjar. Was that who raised you?”

“Yes. He was a fierce fighter. Gave me the foundation of all my fighting skills. Took me on hunting trips.” I smiled as I recalled my thirteenth birthday and continued. “Occasionally left me in the wilderness to make my way back to civilization. Always testing my survival skills.” I explained, reminiscing with fondness for the man.

“Sounds like a harsh childhood," she said.

“I suppose,” I agreed, turning so I was leaning against the wash basin, watching her as she finished drying the dishes. “I think he was running from something but whenever I asked, he brushed it off. Said he’d tell me later. But he died before telling me anything.” Bastard.

She looked up at me, giving me a soft smile. “Perhaps he was trying to protect you from something as well.”

“Maybe. Would have been more useful to me if he’d told me though.”

“Probably. But he may have thought he'd have more time."

“He could have at least told me something about my mother other than that she was beautiful and kind and carried a sword that the Thalmor are interested in,” I muttered.

“Is that where you got the sword?” She asked. “Your mother?”

“Brynjar claimed it belonged to her, but I have no other information,” I responded, uncertain why I was sharing so much with her. You’re too easy to talk to. I could easily see myself losing track and telling you everything. It’s a strange feeling.

“Hence your trying to restart at the beginning," she said, moving away from the wash basin. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For being willing to share. Was there something you wanted to know about me?”

There are a great many things. Mostly about your scars. But that seems like a bit too personal right now. “You mentioned you have a twin. Do you remember anything about them?”

She shook her head. “No. I know if someone were to say his name that I’d recognize it.” She pressed a hand to the back of her head, flushing.

It is ridiculously easy to make you blush. Why do I find that so Fucking attractive? “How about this? We focus on getting your memories back first. Then you can tell me your whole life story.”

Her flush deepened. “Fair enough. Although. Singing seems to have helped some. Getting some vague recollections. Perhaps if I find a lute to replace the one the Thalmor broke…” She mused, tapping her fingers against her arm scars in a manner I suspected was an unconscious habit.

“Sounds good. Now. About that spell. I would like to see it, so I know what it looks like outside of combat first,” I said, trying to keep the discomfort out of my voice.

“Alright," she agreed, biting her lip and concentrating for a moment before flicking her fingers toward the ground and I let out a slow breath as her skin took on the appearance and color of oak bark.

“That’s certainly an interesting change,” I murmured, reaching out a hand, not able to resist the urge to touch her face this time, marveling at the feel of the spell. “That is fascinating,” I said softly, feeling curiosity outweighing my distaste for all things arcane, looking down at her, noting her stillness, her expression slightly troubled. “You alright?” I asked softly, my breath catching as the spell wore off and I was touching her normal skin, entranced by the contrast, pulling back reluctantly. Damnit. I want to touch you more. I want to feel more. Fuck. Is it because you saved me? Or is it just because of how you look? How long it has been since I bedded anyone? Why am I so drawn to you?

“I’m alright. Was worried it’d make you uncomfortable.”

“It would make me uncomfortable if you tried to cast it on me. But I don’t care nearly as much for spells that are used on the caster,” I said quietly.

“Ah. Good. So, no courage spell," she said, grinning up at me. “Not that you’d need it.”

She sobered. “Not that I’d be comfortable using it on anyone without advance permission anyway. Seems… wrong. Won’t use frenzy either. Fear.” She quirked her mouth, her green-brown eyes serious. “Fear I’d use. But then it’s similar to the Battle Cry Nords are born with so.” She shrugged a shoulder.

“Fear?” I asked quietly, discomfort back.

She frowned. “It’s a useful spell for a solo traveler. Evens the playing field if you can get some of the enemy to run away from you," she said. “And it isn’t permanent.”

I shook my head. I won’t pretend to be comfortable with it. “You do what you have to to survive.” I murmured.

She stilled, her expression growing distant. After a moment she nodded and then moved away toward the stairs. I turned and watched her go. What have you seen? What was behind that expression?

Staring at the empty stairs for a long moment I considered my traveling companion. What was she like before she lost her memories I wonder? Was she this willing to help others?

Chapter Text

Silka: Western Watchtower

Walking toward Whiterun, coin purses a bit heavier, I found myself nearly whistling as we took a shortcut through the fields. “It is a beautiful day today,” I said, taking a second to spin in a circle, face toward the sun.

“Aye,” Kaidan agreed, his expression hard to read.

“Something on your mind?” I asked curiously.

“Nothing really," he said, keeping up with me easily as we moved. “Though I do have something to give you.”

I paused, giving him a considering look. “Oh?”

He nodded, passing over an ivory war horn. “It’s a Nord War Horn, carved from a bit of tusk. Use it if we ever get separated. I’ll hear it, and I’ll be able to find you.”

I lifted it up, examining the carvings. “Oh, it’s gorgeous,” I murmured. “Did you carve this?”

He half smiled. “Aye.”

I let out a low whistle. “Just beautiful.” I examined the ties for a moment then looped them through my belt, tying a quick release so I’d be able to get to it quickly, testing it a couple times, retying it once more. “I’ll try not to need it,” I promised, looking up at him with a smile.

“Aye. Probably for the best," he agreed, returning the smile, his expression otherwise unreadable.

Shifting my belt slightly I frowned as I registered the heavier weight and looked down. “Oh. Forgot to sell the war pick,” I murmured, patting it. It is pretty though.

“I thought you were planning on keeping it.” Kaidan said.

“I had considered it…,” I started, pausing as I felt a sudden sharp sensation in my chest, coming to a stop. That was. That was. I… I turned toward the mountains, narrowing my eyes, shading them, trying to see.

“What’s wrong?” Kaidan asked, looking toward the mountains as well.

“This feeling. I got it before.” I looked over at him, fear overwhelming my thoughts. “At Helgen.”

“Helgen?” He repeated.

I nodded. “Yes. Right before. Right before the dragon showed up.” I looked again toward the mountains and felt my breath freeze as I registered the form on the horizon. “There,” I said, pointing it out to him.

“Where’s it headed?” He wondered.

I tracked it for a moment, looking down then. “The watchtower.” Without thinking I started running that direction. “We have to warn them!”

“Silka wait!” He called, running after me.

“No time!” I ran as hard as I could, seeing and sensing the dragon getting closer. As I approached, I noticed the guards chatting by the door, speaking in low tones to each other.

“Dragon!” I cried. “Take cover!”

They startled, two of them moving in from the road, following my outstretched arm. One in the doorway grabbed the other and said something to him that made him start running as the rest drew bows.

“Kynareth preserve us.” The guard in the doorway said, drawing his bow, looking sickly.

“Gods help us.” The one by the road murmured as it wheeled closer.

Got to distract it from the one they sent to Whiterun. Grabbing my bow, I strung it swiftly.

Kaidan grabbed my arm. “You don’t mean to fight it!?” He asked.

“Yes! To distract it from the runner,” I snapped. “Heavy bows. Go for wing joints!” I shouted. “Lighter bows. Go for webbing! Watch for fire!”

To my surprise the guards appeared to be listening to me as I nocked my first arrow.

“Mortals!” The dragon cried. “It has been too long!”

They can speak? Our tongue? I filed the new knowledge away as it hovered near the watchtower. A stream of fire angled toward the watchtower as I released my first arrow, immediately reaching for another, the feeling in my chest stronger, almost a distraction though it blessedly gave me no pain. Moving away from the watchtower, tracking the dragon, I half lost track of the guardsmen and Kaidan, releasing another arrow, frowning as that drew its attention. Not enough damage! I fumbled my next arrow as it dove down toward me. Tossing my bow to the side I yanked one of my hand axes out, shifting my weight and throwing it, rewarded with a wobble as it stuck in its face. It lurched forward as it landed roughly to the ground, lashing out with its tail at the guardsman who got too close. With a cry of rage, I sprinted toward it, drawing my second axe, dodging a snap from its teeth, grabbing the ridges above one of its eyes, leaping to its head. Dropping my axe, I drew the pick and drove its point into one of the dragon's eyes, rocking my weight as it tried to dislodge me. Pulling the pick free I swung it down again, barely aware of anyone else around me. This time the pick lodged so I switched which hand was gripping scales and yanked my hand axe free, leaping neatly from its head, I staggered as I hit the ground, readying my axe as it got a good look at me with its remaining eye even as it thrashed in its death throes.

“DOVAHKIIN!!!???” It thrashed violently again before stilling.

Dovahkiin? I wondered as Kaidan ran to my side, grabbing my elbow and turning me to face him, his face marked with fury.

“What were you thinking?”

I frowned, organizing my thoughts when one of the guardsmen shrieked. “Look out!”

I jerked, looking toward the dragon as its scales crackled with a white gold light. Kaidan tugged on my elbow, pulling me back a couple of paces when the light pulled away from the dragon, spinning toward me bathing me in power. I dropped my weapon, feeling overwhelmed, energy rushing into me, crackling along my skin, singing in my blood, pressing into my bones. Taking a steadying breath, I staggered, dropping to my knees, feeling knowledge, I could scarcely begin to understand imprinting in my mind, the word that the word wall had burned into my brain flaring in my mind again and I knew it. I knew I could use it. Holding the knowledge close to my chest I took several deep breaths before rising unsteadily to my feet.

“Are. Are you alright?” Kaidan asked, lifting my chin gently with his hand, turning my gaze toward him. “Are you hurt?”

“Strangely no. Not by that. Whatever it was.” I sobered as I looked around, noting the partial wreckage of the tower, the presence of the Housecarl and more guardsmen.

“By the Gods.” One of the new guardsmen said, his jaw dropped. “You. You. It’s impossible.”

“What’s impossible?” I asked.

“I’ve heard stories but... Not since Tiber Septim himself.”

“Speak clearly.” Irileth ordered, familiar soft white gold light surrounding a burn on her arm.

“Yes. Sorry Housecarl.” He looked at me again. “Do you know what you are?”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“You’re Dragonborn.” He responded, his voice so matter of fact that it took a moment to process it.

I recoiled back a step when I finally made sense of his words. “I’m what?” I asked, the legends screaming into my mind. When I said we needed a Dragonborn at Helgen I wasn’t volunteering!

“Dragonborn.” He repeated. “Surely you’ve heard the legends.”

“Of course, I have,” I snapped. “But…” I looked at the dragon, now just a pile of bones and scales. “But…”

“Try to shout.” The guardsman suggested. “You’d be able to if you are.”

“Right. Yes, that would prove or disprove it,” I murmured, turning and looking over the terrain. Closing my eyes, I focused on the word from the wall, rolling it around on my tongue before opening my eyes, gathering my energy and Shouting “Fus!”

I jerked with the word, startled by the ferocity. This is… Not good. How am I supposed to deal with this? I barely even know who I am anymore!

“I knew it," the guardsman said, turning excitedly to the other guards.

“The Voice? Here?” Irileth whispered before she shook her head and walked over to me. “Silka. You’ve done Whiterun a great service here. Jarl Balgruuf needs to know what happened and I need to stay here for now. Head up to Dragonsreach, tell the Jarl what happened.” She rested a friendly hand on my shoulder. “Whatever else happens. It was a pleasure to fight with you," she said, her eyes bright still with adrenaline.

“Alright,” I agreed, moving away from her.

I hadn’t gone twenty paces when Kaidan caught up to me. “Hold on," he said quickly, grabbing my elbow again, pulling me to the side of the road. “Let me see your hands.”

I frowned but lifted them up, shocked to see that they were covered in blood and minor cuts. “Dragon scales are sharp apparently,” I murmured.

He snorted, reaching into his waist pouch for something. “That was a foolish maneuver," he snapped.

“It was instinctive,” I responded. “You know I can heal myself, right?”

“It was instinct to jump on a Dragon?” He asked, sounding outraged even as he gently dabbed a potion into my skin with a bit of cloth.

“Yes.”

“So, you really are Dragonborn then," he said, muttering under his breath about my jumping on dragons.

“I… suppose,” I responded. “It certainly seems that way at least.”

“Are you alright?” He asked softly as he bandaged my hands.

“No,” I said honestly. “It’s… a lot to take in.”

He sighed, putting the cloth and extra bandages away. “Aye. I can understand that. It’s incredible though isn’t it? You took its very life force. What did it feel like?”

I let my hands drop and turned back toward Whiterun. “It’s hard to explain," I said. “It was like getting struck with pure energy. Like I’m sharing my body with the knowledge and power of another. It’s… I don’t know.” I crossed my arms over my chest, staring toward the mountains as I tried to make sense of it.

Kaidan gave me a sympathetic look. “You’ll figure it out. How did you know the dragon was nearby?”

“I’m going to guess that you didn’t get the feeling I said I did when we were heading this way earlier did you?” I asked. “Almost like a weight in your chest?”

“No.”

“Wonder if that’s a Dragonborn thing. Being aware of where dragons are,” I murmured, freezing as we neared the gates and a rumbling Shout rolled across the land.

“DO-VAH-KIIN!!!”

“Dovahkiin. Dragonborn,” I whispered. No. No. No. It’s too much. I already have enough shit to deal with. It’s too much. I just want to go to Solitude. Talk to Viarmo. Get a new lute. I don’t want this. Taking a deep breath, I forced my legs to move again.

Dragonsreach

“This is incredible,” Farengar said, looking over the Dragonstone with a hooded woman. “You’re looking worse for the wear though. Was the barrow so difficult to delve in?”

“It wasn’t the barrow,” I muttered.

“Oh yes.” He sighed. “I wish I could have seen the Dragon. Was it incredible?”

“Ask the guardsmen about it,” I snapped. “I apparently have to go to High Hrothgar so. Must be going,” I said, moving to leave when I remembered I hadn't asked after any tomes. Damnit. Now I'll have to apologize.

“Oh. Of course!” He responded, sounding a little surprised but mostly distracted.

I turned back. “My apologies for my tone,” I said quietly, continuing when he waved a hand dismissively. “I forgot to ask you while I was here before. Do you happen to have a copy of a healing hands tome I could buy? I need to refresh my knowledge if I’m traveling with others.”

“You’re a mage?” He asked, his expression showing his surprise as he looked up to meet my eyes, his associate leaving a sheaf of papers next to the stone as she straightened.

“To a degree,” I said quietly.

“Which schools?” He asked, his associate already forgotten as she moved toward the door with a shake of her head.

"Let me know when you've got that translation for me." She told him, snorting when he waved his hand toward her.

"Of course," he said, looking back to me. "Which schools?" He asked again.

“Illusion, Alteration and Restoration,” I responded, uneasy with the conversation.

“Really? I’m a fan of Destruction myself. Quite a useful branch. I have some beginning spells if you wanted to see if you could mold your spark that direction.” He suggested brightly.

“No,” I responded, trying to keep my tone even.

“Are you certain? Then perhaps conjuration?” He asked.

I narrowed my eyes. “No.” You're one of These mages. I scowled, irritated with the whole conversation.

“Are you absolutely certain? I could easily train…”

“I. Said. No,” I snapped. “Do you have the tome or don’t you?”

“My apologies," he said, not sounding sorry in the least. “And yes. Sixty-eight septims.”

I counted out the coins and passed them over, accepting the book with a small nod. “Thank you,” I said harshly, turning away and walking toward the doors, not looking up at Kaidan as he moved with me. It’s not the end of it. It never is with these types of mages. I paused, forcing my thoughts back when a woman about my age moved to intercept us by the doors.

“Pardon me, my Thane. My name is Lydia. I’ve been assigned as your personal Housecarl.”

“How delightful,” I murmured, keeping my voice very low. “I… see… um. Ah. Would you mind terribly asking about a bit around Whiterun for jobs that might afford me that house that’s for sale? I figure with how long it’ll take me to get to High Hrothgar you should find quite a few.”

Her face lit up. “Of course! And if I’ve your permission I could start on some of the less dangerous jobs myself.”

“Certainly. How you wish to spend your free time is entirely your concern.”

“Thank you, my Thane," she said, moving away.

Exhaustion nipped at me, chipping away at my tenuous control as I pushed the doors open. “Stairs,” I murmured. “Why does it have to be stairs?”

Kaidan chuckled warmly from my side. “Did you want me to carry you?” He offered, a half-smile on his face.

I rolled my eyes, shaking my head. “No thank you.”

Reaching the Gildergreen I frowned as a brunette woman with slashed warpaint approached us, her eyes on me. I know you. Or I should. Why do I know you?

“Silka!” She greeted warmly. “It’s been a long time.”

“I suppose it has,” I responded, trying to work out what I knew of her. Obviously either you or whoever I met you with has been impacted by the spell. I frowned, noting the slightly feral gleam to her eyes.

“Any news from your…” She frowned at Kaidan. “Family?”

I shook my head. “Not lately. No.”

“Pity. While Skjor professes not to care, I’m certain Vilkas and Farkas would have been interested.” She smiled. “You finished your Bard training then? You’re not exactly kitted out as a bard.”

I shrugged as expressively as I knew how. “Sometimes things happen to change our path. Can’t always predict them,” I said as evenly as I could.

She nodded. “Fair. Oh. Is this yours?” She reached a hand back and pulled an arrow out of her quiver, passing it over.

I frowned at it, recognizing it as one of the steel arrows I’d looted at Helgen. “Yes.”

“Pulled that out of a Giant the day Helgen was attacked." She shook her head. "You’re wasted as a Bard Silka. You’d be better served to come talk to Kodlak about joining the Companions than hiding away in the Bards College for the next sixty years.”

“I like history,” I protested softly.

She laughed. “Yes. But. Your potential. And haven’t you always wanted what your family has?”

“You know what? Right now, I’m not sure,” I responded honestly. Why don’t I just tell her I’ve lost my memories? Why am I skirting around it?

“Might allow you to keep Sarlfi from adding to your collection," she said, gesturing toward my shoulder.

At the name Sarlfi I felt my muscles tense, glancing down at the scars she pointed at. Sarlfi. Just another name I should know but have forgotten. And this one seems to be responsible for at least some of my scars? I frowned, crossing my arms over my chest. “Hmm,” I muttered.

“I mean there’s no guarantee you’d get that far but you’ve a reputation from your time as a treasure hunter and Nev told us so many stories. Although. I am surprised that he didn’t behead Sarlfi for giving you those scars. Ah well. Next time you have a minute you should come by Jorrvaskr. Tell us what happened to your face. Tell us how you ended up leaving home. What you've been doing for the past six years. Nev can't always get away to visit us and Gods know we could use some new stories around that place," she said, turning toward what I vaguely recognized as Jorrvaskr, waving at me over her shoulder.

“So, you know the Companions.” Kaidan murmured. “And you’re a Thane now. Quite a lot of connections you have.”

I made a soft noise in the back of my throat, feeling overwhelmed. I just wanted enough money to get to Solitude. Get a new lute. Get my memories back. “I’m going to head back to the Riverwood Lodge. Seems like a good jumping off point for Ivarstead,” I responded, not looking at him.

He sighed and moved with me. “I’ll go back with you then. I’m not a terribly large fan of Whiterun anyway.”

That snapped me a bit out of my self-pity and I glanced over at him. “Why not?”

“The defenses are not well set up. The inner city has a good layout, but the walls are all but useless.”

“So, you would only feel comfortable in a city that had well-built walls?” I asked as we approached the gate.

“I suppose that is what it sounds like I’m saying," he admitted. “You wouldn’t?”

“I don’t like walls,” I said flatly. “I tolerate Solitude because that’s where the Bard’s College is, but I’d much prefer to be out away from people.”

“How is it that you’re a bard who doesn’t like people?” He asked softly.

“We all have different talents,” I grumbled. And I didn't used to dislike them so much.

“And how will you reconcile being a Bard with being Dragonborn?” He asked.

I tensed up, the overwhelmed feeling rushing back. “I don’t know,” I whispered. “I don’t know.” Swallowing back tears, I focused on the path in front of me. “Tell me something about you, would you?” I asked. “I’m tired of debating my bardic qualities.”

“In a moment. I actually wanted to ask you something.”

I bit back a sigh. What now? “About?”

“Your conversation with the court wizard. You seemed rather upset when he suggested you learn those other fields of magic.”

I scowled. “I don’t like pushy people,” I grumbled. “Mages like that try to push you into their fields of study as though the others are worthless.”

“But you could become a conjurer if you wanted?” He asked, his tone hard to decipher.

I considered it. “If I studied for long enough. Possibly. It would reshape who I am though. As Farengar alluded to. Reshape my magical self.” I shook my head. “I’ve worked hard to hold onto what spells I can remember. I’m not about to throw that all away. Especially for a field I don’t like.”

“Why don’t you like it?” He pressed.

“Conjurers summon beings to do their bidding. And so many of them have the temptation of necromancy a stone’s throw away. Soul trapping people. I don’t like it.”

“So, it’s all morals with you? What of Destruction magic?”

I scowled. “Leave that to the Hagravens and their assistants,” I snapped, feeling a great upsurge of anger. “Why do you care anyway? You don’t even like magic.”

“True," he agreed. “But there are certain fields I like least of all and I find it fascinating that you share a similar distaste for the same ones.”

I stopped walking for a moment, turning to face him. “Why do you dislike them?” I snapped.

He frowned at me. “I have my reasons.”

I shook my head, turning and resuming my walk. “Figures,” I grumbled. “Why couldn’t you just leave it alone when I said I disliked them then?”

“Because unlike me, you can actually do magic.”

“That doesn’t make me a bad person Kaidan,” I muttered.

“I didn’t say it did," he replied, his tone soothingly calm.

“No. I suppose you didn’t.” I admitted, feeling defeated. “Look. I’m. I’m exhausted. Can we please stop talking about my magic?”  I just need a quiet moment. Try and figure everything out. Just. Quiet. I just need quiet. Fifteen minutes. That's all I'm asking for.

“My apologies," he rumbled, his expression changing to one of concern.

“Thanks.”

Chapter Text

Kaidan: Riverwood

The rest of the walk back to the Riverwood Lodge was a subdued affair. I found myself sneaking more and more worried glances at my traveling companion. Gone was the cheer from this morning. In its place was trepidation and sorrow. Why do you care so much already? You’ve known her for less than a week Kai. And I pushed her rather rudely just now about her magical leanings.

As we neared Riverwood, she paused, turning toward the town itself rather than the lodge. “Might as well return the golden claw while we’re here and see if he’s got any charcoal. My supplies are running low.” She explained, her tone deadened.

“Use it all up in scribing in your journals?” I asked.

“Scribing and sketching," she responded, pausing to pull her pack off and take one of her journals out. Putting her pack back she flipped through it and came closer to me to show me. “The teachers at the Bard’s College insisted we learn to sketch and memorize descriptions.”

“This is the dragon from Helgen?” I asked, staring down at it.

She nodded. “I hoped if I drew it, I would help take the edge off my nightmares," she said, some of the animation back in her voice.

“And?” I asked softly.

She shook her head. “Not really. But it hasn’t been that long yet either.”

“I suppose that’s true,” I agreed. After this morning it’s easier to imagine just what she went through facing that thing. And yet she ran right at that dragon. Can she have any doubts that she is truly Dragonborn? 

She tucked the book away and we started toward the Riverwood Trader again when she paused, shaking her head. “He should not be walking on that leg yet.”

I looked the direction she was looking to see two young men conversing in a semi-secluded spot. The brown-haired man was standing oddly, and I guessed she was talking about him. “What happened?”

She sighed. “Those two escaped Helgen with me. You wouldn’t know it right now, but the blond is a Stormcloak and the brunet an Imperial Soldier.” She murmured, keeping her voice low. “Hadvar’s leg was severely injured and I healed it up to a point. Couldn’t do too much without getting an overdraw headache.”

“Overdraw headache?” I asked.

“When you drain down to your last dregs of magicka. Gives a mage terrible headaches. They usually don’t last too long but it depends on how often you overdraw," she explained. “If you do it too often. Or use too many magicka potions it can be… bad," she added softly, her expression thoughtful.

“I see," I murmured, my mind going back to the moment when she’d healed me in the prison, the look on her face when she’d finished. Did you overdraw to heal me? Why?

“Oh well. He’s an adult. He can deal with the consequences," she said decisively as she continued toward the trader. Stepping inside she approached the counter and frowned, hand moving fast to pull a piece of paper off it as the shopkeeper turned to face her.

“Welcome to the Riverwood Trader!” He said cheerfully. “Ah yes. The poster. Twenty-five gold to put it up. Most I’ve ever been paid to pass word along," he said. “Haven’t really had a chance to look at it myself though.” He added with a rueful expression.

“Lovely,” Silka said, her tone even flatter than it had been when we entered Riverwood. “I found something in Bleak Falls Barrow that I believe may belong to you," she continued, pulling the claw out.

“You found it!” He exclaimed; “Excellent! I have some coin from my last shipment. Two hundred a solid enough reward?”

“Two hundred and this poster," she countered.

He shrugged. “Done.” Crouching down he sorted through some things, the clink of coin just audible. “I do have connections with the banking guild if you wanted to turn some of your coin into credit notes. Be lighter.” He offered as he stood back up.

Silka shook her head. “Not necessary for now," she responded, then glanced at me. “Did you want to?”

“No.” I responded. Not worth it yet. We don’t have That much coin.

“Alright," he said genially, passing over a pouch to each of us. “Figured you’d want to split it even so 100 in each.”

“Pleasure doing business with you. Now. To real business,” Silka said warmly and set about to haggling for some supplies.

I watched her work, able to believe that she had bardic training while she spoke with Lucan. Should let her bargain for me when I need supplies as well. I frowned, worry coming back when she turned away and I noted how pale she was. Please don’t pass out.

Following her back out the door she looked at inn, biting her lower lip. “Probably. Damnit.”

“What was on the paper?” I asked softly.

She sighed and shook her head. “Bad news. Unfortunately, I don’t know how bad because memories but. Bad.” Frowning for a moment she sighed again and passed it over.

Taking it, I looked down and raised an eyebrow. On the top was scrawled 'Reward for Information' and then a drawing of Silka. Beneath that there was a line naming her and the claim that she’d been missing and her betrothed Daggvar was concerned for her safety. And there it is. She’s betrothed. So, she does have family out there. I sighed, looking at her, trying to brush away the wash of disappointment.

“I need to check the inn. See if there’s one there too.”

“Why exactly?” I asked curiously.

She shook her head. “I don’t exactly remember why, but even reading that name…” She scowled, tangling a hand in her hair, tugging at it. “Let’s just say it makes me uncomfortable.”

“You’re afraid of him.” I supplied, worry replacing some of the disappointment.

“Yes," she agreed, her shoulders tensed.

“He why you became a treasure hunter?”

She shrugged. “I don’t remember.” Turning she moved swiftly toward the inn, stopping by the message board, scanning swiftly and yanking another poster down. “I’m not sure what prompted these to show up. I can’t recall coming across them before.”

I frowned. “Perhaps he found out you were done with your Bardic training and thought you’d go home,” I suggested. “He must miss you very much.”

She shivered and shook her head. “I don’t care. I might not remember it but there is good reason I’m afraid of him," she said softly, her voice shaking.

I blew out a long breath. “Do you think he’s liable to come after you?” I asked softly.

“I don’t know," she repeated, moving briskly toward the lodge.

I followed swiftly. Now I’m conflicted. And a bit confused. She has a fiancé but she’s afraid of him. That does not give him points in my book. “Any chance you sketched your fiancé, so I know what he looks like in case we run into him?” I asked as she put her bag down on the table.

“Maybe. That’s a good idea actually.” She agreed, digging through her books, skimming a couple before finally deciding on one. Walking over to me again she turned the open page to me. “That’s Daggvar," she said softly, her skin somehow even paler under her freckles.

I looked down and frowned. “That’s a werewolf,” I said. “That’s a Werewolf Silka.”

“Yes," she agreed, looking down at it herself. She tapped the facing page where she’d sketched out a Nord man. “That’s his regular form," she said softly. Turning the page, she frowned, reading the script below the sketches. “Sarlfi," she said, showing me the pages, again a werewolf on one page and a Nord on the other. “Suggests that Sarlfi and Daggvar are close friends so if we see one, we may see the other.”

“Do you think you wrote down why you’re afraid of him?”

“Possibly," she agreed, flipping through the book again.

A few minutes later she flinched so hard she bumped into the table. “Fuck," she whispered, her free hand going to her shoulder scars.

“Is he the Reason for your scars!?” I asked, shock and no small amounts of anger in my voice.

“Yes and no," she said softly, her eyes not leaving the page. “Sarlfi. My half-brother: he gave me some. The ones on my arm and shoulder. The claw marks. Daggvar.” She bit her lip, shaking her head. “Daggvar gave me claw marks elsewhere.”

Your back. I’ve seen the edges. But why hurt you? Why hurt his betrothed? “Any idea why?”

“I tried to turn down the marriage contract.” She said softly. “That’s what it says here.”

Rage bubbled under my skin and I stared at her with renewed worry and honestly some relief. Not sure if I’m relieved that she doesn’t want this fiancé or because she isn’t the type to casually break ties. Or doesn’t seem to be. “Alright. Well. Makes things interesting. Shall we check our route options?” I asked, deliberately trying to move away from the topic.

She studied me for a long moment before her expression softened. “Thank you," she whispered. “For not making a big deal of it.”

“I swore an oath.” I reminded her.

“Yes, but werewolves are dangerous.”

“So are dragons,” I countered.

She half smiled. “I suppose that’s true.” Taking the map out she spread it out on the table, and we got to work tracing routes.

Helgen Ruins

I tried to keep an eye on Silka as we approached Helgen, finding it a little more difficult than I expected as she kept stopping to study it as we approached it. As we got closer, she frowned and then a scowl replaced her frown. “Fucking Scavengers.” She hissed.

I followed the direction of her gaze to see the burnt bodies impaled on spikes outside the gates. Bandits I’m guessing.

“They’ve no respect," she snarled, her voice thick with emotion, silvery blue light hovering around her left hand. I eyed it with some concern when she flicked her fingers and her oakflesh spell took hold as she drew her axes and strode toward the gates, cold anger on her face. She pressed lightly then with a muttered curse sheathed her weapons and pulled lockpicks free. “Gods Damned Scavengers," she grumbled. Shoving the gates open she flicked her spell again and drew her axes as a pair of bandits became aware of us.

Well, if I wanted to see my debt discharged this might do it. Stringing my bow, I followed her swiftly

“Who wants to die first?” She asked as the pair started to move toward us, one letting out an ear-splitting whistle.

“You think you can take me?” One of the bandits asked, leaning her head back slightly in a laugh.

“Let’s find out,” Silka suggested, raising her axes and sprinting toward the pair. Her right-hand axe swung in an arc to lodge in the taunting woman’s throat. Bringing her other axe to block the man’s sword as I loosed an arrow.

“You picked a bad place to get lost friend!” A heavily armored man shouted, running toward Silka with a greatsword in his hands as the bandit I’d shot crumpled. An orc with a bow ran on one side of him and a Dunmer ran on his other side, fire dancing around her fingertips.

I nocked another arrow swiftly, aiming toward the Dunmer. As I released my arrow, the Orc’s arrow caught my left shoulder. Letting out a string of curses, I traded bow for sword, noting that Silka was easily dodging the armored Bandit’s attacks, her axes ringing loudly each time she landed one of her frequent blows. I winced as I ran forward, noting that she was being maneuvered in between the two as the orc drew his own hand axe. Before I could shout a warning, she threw herself to the side into a roll, coming up into a half crouch, watching to see how snarled the two would get as I cut down with my blade, throwing my weight behind it to crush the bandit’s collarbone. He screamed out in agony as much from my blow as the weight of the orc as he crumpled with a throwing knife lodged in the side of his head. Changing my grip on my sword I drove it in the gap between helmet and breastplate, wincing at the pull in my shoulder as he stilled.

“I think that’s all of them,” Silka said quietly, moving to my side to stand on tiptoe to survey the arrow.

“Possibly,” I muttered, gritting my teeth against the pain.

“Find something to sit on and I can get that out for you," she said softly.

I shook my head. “Attend to yourself first. I’ve got this.” Grasping the arrow tightly in my hand I pulled it out, hissing with the pain.

Silka sighed, shaking her head as her healing magic surrounded her, easing the cuts and scrapes she’d gathered. “Do you want me to take care of that?” She asked, pointing at my shoulder.

I shook my head. “It’ll be fine until we make camp,” I responded. “Let’s keep going.” I’ve had worse.

She frowned but didn’t press, turning toward the other gate and moving toward it. “Somehow I don’t think this will deter any future bandits," she said glumly as we left, stopping one last time, turning and staring at the remains of the village.

“Something on your mind?” I asked softly.

“Just wondering if this is the future if the dragons aren’t stopped. If they’ll plunge us back into the chaos from before the Dragon Wars.”

“Not if you can help it,” I responded, wincing as I automatically shrugged my shoulder.

She paused, looking up at me. “You have that much faith in me already?”

“Yes.” You just need someone to temper that fire of yours enough that you don’t get yourself killed on your way there. I winced, reaching my hand up to my shoulder as soon as her back was turned. Should probably just let her heal it. I acknowledged, refusing to say it.

The shadows were lengthening as Silka coaxed a fire to start, her face serious with concentration. I watched her work, leaning against the completed lean-to, wrestling with the straps of my armor. It’s exposed enough out here that I don’t really want to shed my armor even for sleep, but I need to dump a potion on that arrow wound. Need to clean it out. I scowled, glancing down at my gear as I managed to work it off. I’ll need to find a smith to fix that.

“Oh,” Silka said softly, startling me with her proximity.

“How did you do that?” I asked as she lifted herself up on tiptoe to look at my wound. Watching her, I found it suddenly hard to think. Something about her being concerned over me was alluring and her fingers, light on my skin, were making it hard to breathe properly.

“How did I do what?” She asked, her gaze steady on my wound.

“Get so close without my hearing you,” I muttered.

She smiled, meeting my eyes. “It’s one of the perks of light armor," she said, her expression mischievous.

Fuck. It would be so easy to get too close to you. “There are others?” I teased.

She shook her head with a small laugh, pulling away as I resisted the urge to sigh heavily. “I should have a potion or two that can help," she said softly.

Loathe to let my hatred for magic keep me from being able to fight I reached out a hand quickly and snagged her wrist, bringing my injured arm up swiftly to rest on her other arm to balance her. “My apologies. I did not mean to overbalance you," I murmured, forcing myself to ignore the urge to bring her in closer.

“What did you need?” She asked, looking up at me, seeming to feel no discomfort at my actions.

I let out a slow breath. “You can heal it. Save the potions for emergencies.”

“Are you certain?” She asked, her voice warm.

“I’m certain,” I responded, steadying my voice, releasing her.

She nodded and carefully lifted herself up. “This would be easier if you sat down," she murmured. “I’d like to see what I’m doing. I could just send a spell through you but…” She shrugged. “It hurts less if I can focus.”

“Alright,” I agreed, moving over to a log she’d chosen to build the fire next to.

Bending over my arm she dragged a dampened cloth along the edges of the wound. “It must have been barbed," she said. “Otherwise, it would not have bled so much. I’ve not seen many archers be able to drive a barbed arrow through heavy armor.”

“It was the Orc,” I explained, watching her work. “Doesn’t that hurt your back?” I asked as she finished cleaning and straightened for a moment.

“I’ll be stiff yeah, but we don’t have anything tall enough for me to sit on and still work," she said, closing her eyes for a moment and I scented magicka in the air centered on her.

I’ll never get used to that, but she knows what she’s doing. The pain began to ease, and I watched in wonder as she carefully guided the bits of flesh to knit back together.

“That took longer than the prison,” I murmured. “Was it so bad?”

She shook her head, stretching her back out. “No. I just had more time. It’s less strain on my magicka which means less risk of overdraw. Plus…” She pulled the damp cloth back out of her belt and cleaned the last bits of blood off. “No scarring," she said brightly.

I glanced up at her. “Impressive.”

She shrugged. “If you’re going to heal someone you should do it right.”

“Scars don’t bother me,” I murmured.

“It wasn’t much effort to make sure there wouldn’t be any though. No worries, I’m sure you’ll have more opportunities to get dashing scars.” She hesitated, "Are you upset that I charged the Bandits? It did get you injured."

"I'd rather you stay further back, start with archery at the least, but bandits deserve no mercy. And you were right to call them scavengers. Setting up in Helgen with the ashes still warm." I shook my head. "I understand why you reacted that way."

She smiled. "Thanks, Kaidan," she murmured, rubbing at her forearm scars.

I considered her scars as she turned away. “Do your scars bother you?” I asked as she moved toward the fire.

She turned back. “A little. But mainly because I don’t remember how I got them.”

I shook my head. Forgot our earlier conversation already? That’s… this could get dangerous. I wonder what else she’s forgotten since we started traveling together. How much has she forgotten about Our conversations?  I felt a chill rush through me as a wolf howled in the distance. It already is dangerous. She’s already forgotten that she was given those scars by her half-brother. Her half-brother who happens to be a Fucking Werewolf.

Another howl answered the wolf, this one more guttural and I moved swiftly for my armor. “That wasn’t a wolf,” I said sharply.

“No,” Silka agreed, prepping her bow. “It wasn’t.”

Chapter Text

Silka: The Rift

Holding my bow loosely in my left hand I held my right ready to cast oakflesh. The guttural howl came again, and I snapped the spell out, nocking an arrow to my bow as a dark furred werewolf came into view.

Drawing my bow, I hesitated, Kaidan aimed down his and with a sudden flash of clarity I knew I would regret it if this werewolf was shot. “Wait,” I said sharply.

Kaidan glanced over at me. “Wait for what?” He asked as the werewolf edged forward slowly.

“Pretty sure I know him. And my gut tells me he’s a friend.”

Kaidan considered that for a long moment. “Why approach in werewolf form then?” He asked.

“Because he’s an idiot,” I suggested, wishing I could remember him.

The werewolf stopped, his form shimmered and a lean Redguard man surveyed me with a frown, his golden eyes sparkling with mirth. “Ouch Sil.”

I shook my head. “You’re the one who approached in a threatening form. If you wanted me to be friendly to you perhaps you should have approached in this form.” I feel like I know you. I feel like it’s going to hurt once you tell me who you are.

“Fair," he agreed. “I admit. I wanted to see if you recognized me. I heard about the Thalmor.” He shook his head. “It took you too long to recognize me. And you don’t really do you?” He asked.

“No,” I admitted.

He closed his eyes, grief plain on his face. “How much have you forgotten?”

“That depends. Who are you?”

“Fuck. Never thought I’d see the day I’d have to introduce myself to my own twin," he murmured. “I’m Nevian," he added, all traces of mirth gone.

I sighed. I was right. It hurts because I know I’m going to forget you again. “I have no memories of you, but I do have feelings,” I shrugged. “I know I can trust you.”

“Well, that’s something at least.” He sighed, crossing his arms over his chest. “Anyone else from the pack you’ve forgotten?” He asked sharply.

“The… pack?” I asked.

“Ah Fuck. You forgot the whole pack? Why? What do they have to do with the Blades? I make sense. I was raised with you by Blades.”

“Slow down,” I suggested. “Why would the spell be attached to the Blades?” And who set it?

“Your mother is a Blade. Was a Blade. Before. Everything. Our Grandparents. The people who raised us for so long were Blades. Mother said she cast the spell so if anyone tortured you for information, you’d forget them.”

“Then why is it eating all my other memories?” I asked sharply. Why? Why would that make sense?

“She may have messed up. She’s not as strong as you are in that branch of magic," he said gruffly. “What happened to your lute?”

“Thalmor smashed it,” I responded instantly, feeling the shadow of sorrow over it again.

He quirked his mouth in an almost smile. “If they ever figure out that it’s the easiest way to break this spell, they may regret that," he said. “May I approach your camp? Or did you want to keep hollering across the forest?”

I looked over at Kaidan. “Thoughts?” I asked softly.

He frowned, slinging his bow over his shoulder. “You said you trust him?”

“Yes.”

“Alright," he agreed, adjusting his sword in what was a clear warning of staying vigilant.

I jerked my head toward the campfire. “Have a seat,” I suggested.

He smiled and ambled over, sitting cross-legged on the ground. “I admit I’m surprised to see you traveling with someone. I thought you’d sworn off companions after that Khajiit shot you.”

I shook my head. “The Khajiit you mention was trying to beat a Skooma addiction.” I jerked my head toward Kaidan. “He isn’t.” I haven’t thought about him in almost a year now. I wonder how he’s doing. If he ever beat the Skooma. If I’ll ever remember his name. Although I doubt his is tied to this spell. Just injury trauma.

“How long have you been traveling together?” He asked.

I frowned, thinking about it. “I haven’t been counting,” I said slowly. “Why?”

“Traced your scent to a dilapidated prison near Windhelm. Found your scent. And.” He nodded toward Kaidan. “Found his. So, I was curious. Who got out first?”

Kaidan shook his head. “She did," he said.

“I admit I’m a little surprised by that.”

“Thanks Nev. I appreciate your faith in me,” I said softly, comfortable with the teasing. It feels so normal. We must have talked like this before.

He grinned. “You know I mean nothing by it. You’re just… more stealth and less head on. And pulling someone from a Thalmor prison is a bit bold for you.” Rubbing at the scar on his right cheek he studied the fire for a moment. “So. I’ve been hearing rumors about you.”

I frowned, looking into the fire. “Oh?” I asked, “What kind of rumors?”

“That you’re the Dragonborn.”

“That’s why I’m on this road. I’m headed to High Hrothgar to find out for sure.” And it seems likely. Very likely.

“I hope you aren’t," he said bluntly.

I blinked at him. I can’t say I’m thrilled about it either but… why are you so against it?

“Why is that?” Kaidan asked, looking through his pack.

“Daggvar. Her contracted fiancé," he responded.

I froze, closing my eyes as I felt fear shoot through me. Daggvar. I should know that name. But I don’t want to know that name.

“Who are you anyway?” Nev asked.

Kaidan shrugged. “My name is Kaidan. What about Daggvar makes you hope Silka isn’t Dragonborn?”

Nev sighed, “He’s already obsessed with her. I’d rather he not have another reason to find her.”

“How’d you hear about the Thalmor?” I asked, trying to push my discomfort about Daggvar away.

He shook his head. “Father was talking to Sarlfi about it. Said he had hopes it would make you more… docile. More willing to accept the marriage contract. Return home.”

I shivered, focusing on digging some food out of my pack.

“Your Father sent the Thalmor after her?” Kaidan asked, outrage in his tone as he passed me a bundle of dried meat.

“Yes. He’s… Well. Let’s just say it was lucky that Silka and I got raised by her mother’s parents for as long as we did. Otherwise, I might have turned out like Sarlfi.” He sighed. “I’d rather not contemplate that.”

“How many siblings do you have?” Kaidan asked.

“Four counting Silka.” He answered. “Sarlfi is the oldest. He’s… going to be taking charge of the clan soon.” He tapped his cheek scar. “He’s not one who takes malcontent well. Or, that's what our father's pushing on him at least. The other two are our younger sisters. Proper twins. They…” He smiled. “Silka cooked up a plan to get the Pack to agree to send them to the College of Winterhold.” He explained, giving me a pleased look. “Sometime while I was gone something happened with Daggvar that she’s never explained to me. And she disappeared to be a treasure hunter and then a Bard. Sil. What’s your plan after High Hrothgar?”

“Mm, probably Solitude. Bard’s College. Get a new lute and a lecture from Viarmo.” I felt pleased at that information about our sisters. Wish I could remember all that.

“Falkreath is closer. I could get to where grandfather’s lute was left and meet you in Falkreath. It would be a lot quicker," he offered.

I hesitated.

“It’s a good idea.” Kaidan said. “I’ve a feeling that your memories are going to be pretty important in keeping you safe.”

“Alright. Agreed,” I responded. It would be nice not to lose more memories.

“Mind if I stay the night?” Nev asked. “I’ll be on my way in the morning, but I scented vampires somewhere nearby and one; I don’t like the idea of leaving you to fend them off without me. Two; I don’t like the idea of trying to take on multiple blood suckers myself if they chose to attack.”

“I’m alright with it.”

Kaidan nodded slightly. “Especially with vampires out there," he murmured, his tone slightly suspicious.

I leaned close to him, “The alarm spell will tell us if he’s not actually trustworthy. But I know he is,” I whispered.

He studied my face then inclined his head. “Alright.”

Lying back in my bedroll I stared up at the stars past my lean-to. This is. Will I forget him before he leaves? Is this my life now? Will the music even work?

A soft sound startled me awake and I sat up, looking around. A dream. I glanced around, noting that both Kaidan and Nevian appeared to be sleeping, staring at Nevian for a long moment to be sure of his name. When he leaves then. When he leaves I'll forget him again. Rising from my lean-to I moved close to the fire, looking up, trying to guess the time. I don’t think I’ll be able to fall back to sleep. Too agitated. I sighed, swiping at a tear.

Poking at the remains of the fire I frowned each time it flared. I could just stop poking it and it wouldn’t flare up. Shaking my head, I carefully set aside the stick and rose, stretching out my back, trying to ensure I wouldn’t wake the others as I built up the fire enough to read by. Taking out some spell notes I began to read, toying with my hair.

The alarm spell chimed just as I felt something press into me, whispering into my mind. Freezing I tried to settle my heartbeat, fighting the urge to run. Fear. Fear spell. Someone cast a damn fear spell on me. Rage helped me clear my mind and I frantically gathered half remembered instructions for a cleansing spell. This will hurt. I hesitated for a second, casting it anyway, grimacing hard with the backlash as it chased the fear spell out of my mind.

Kaidan and Nev scrambled to my side. “See anything?” Kaidan whispered.

“No. But they’ve got a mage as can use fear,” I murmured, readying my axes.

“I suppose I’ll just have to panic you the old-fashioned way.” A masculine voice said.

“Vampire.” Nev whispered.

“How many?” Kaidan asked.

Nev considered it as the vampire got closer. “Two. And two or maybe three thralls," he murmured.

Flicking out oakflesh I advanced on the vampire. “Guard my back from the others,” I whispered.

“Got it,” Nev responded and I heard him groan with the pain of transformation, not risking a glance over my shoulder as I approached the vampire.

He looked confused to see me advancing. “I could kill you easily woman… The werewolf only marginally complicates things," he hissed.

“That’s fine,” I responded, leaping toward him with an axe ready, prepared for his dodge, following it up with a step in, bringing the other axe down.

He hissed and scrambled backward. With a grim smile I lunged forward, following him, keeping up with his every move. 

This time he wasn’t fast enough, and I caught him in the shoulder with one axe, following up, aiming toward his throat, lodging it in his collarbone instead. He hissed out his rage and swiped toward me. I flinched away from it, yanking one axe out to bury it properly in his throat this time, pulling away to survey the small clearing. Kaidan was only a few feet from me and I moved closer to him.

“Did he get you?” He asked, reaching a hand out to lift my chin, pulling back with a frown. “Why are you so cold?”

“Spell backlash. He didn’t get me. Are you hurt?”

“No.” He jerked his head. “He got most of the others. He’s a bit beat up.”

Nodding I moved toward the fire, sheltering my eyes when it flared up under Nev’s ministrations. “Not how I like waking up in the morning Sil.” He complained as I reached him, passing me a potion. “Give one to your companion, would you? Cure Disease. Better safe than sorry.”

I accepted with a nod of thanks, passing one over to Kaidan. The potion was sweeter than I made my potions, and I raised an eyebrow at Nev. “Who made this?” I asked when I passed the empty bottle back.

“One of the healers in the pack. Said to keep them in case I worked with non-wolves," he explained.

“Do you have anything you’d like me to patch up?”

He nodded, holding his arm out. “Just got a gash here. It’ll heal up but you’re here so…”

I nodded, reaching a hand out and resting it on his arm. He frowned as he watched me. “What?” I asked, hoping Kaidan wouldn't notice how much quicker it was to heal Nev. It would be awkward to explain that I kept getting distracted by being close to him. So I'd rather not.

“Since when do you have to touch someone to use that spell?”

“Since the Thalmor,” I grumbled.

“Damn. That why your fingers are so cold? You use a spell that rebounded?”

Tight lipped, I nodded again, and he scowled.

“Silka! You could kill yourself that way!”

“It’s not that bad,” I protested. I’ve seen worse.

He scowled and moved away. “Kaidan. Could I speak with you a moment?” He asked.

Kai lifted an eyebrow but nodded, moving with him to the edge of the camp. I frowned, watching them as I put together a quick breakfast. What are you pestering him about?

“Two weeks Sil,” Nev said, moving back toward me. “Maximum. I’ll be waiting for you in Falkreath," he said, accepting the food from me. “I’d hug you but I’m heading back into pack territory.”

“Alright.” I agreed. “See you in Falkreath.”

Kaidan watched him go then turned to me. “You alright to continue? We may be able to reach High Hrothgar by this evening if we push.”

I nodded. “Yes. Best to get this over with.”

High Hrothgar

“It’s very impressive,” Kaidan murmured as we stared up at the monastery from the bottom of the steps.

“Yes. A bit intimidating,” I replied.

He shrugged a shoulder. “I’ll be right next to you," he promised.

Feeling more comforted by that than I expected I nodded and moved up the steps. “Let’s get out of this wind.”

“Agreed.”

The heavy doors creaked as I pushed them open and Kaidan gave me a reassuring look as we entered, our footsteps echoing off the walls. From the back stairs of the room, we approached came four robed men and I felt the overwhelming urge to bow. Giving in to it I offered a small, respectful greeting.

One of the men stepped forward from the others and surveyed me with kind brown eyes. “I can feel the power gathered around you. But. We must verify," he murmured. “Please. Shout. Let us feel how strong you are.”

Taking a deep breath, centering myself I reached for my knowledge of Fus and unleashed it. Recovering from a stagger the man smiled again. “Dragonborn. Welcome to High Hrothgar. I am Master Arngeir. I speak for the Greybeards.”

“My name is Silka,” I said softly. “And this is my companion Kaidan,” I added, gesturing toward the man who offered his own respectful bow. Not what I expected out of our first meeting.

“Your first visit will not be overlong," he said evenly. “We need to see how easily you learn new words. To see if the legends of the Dragonborn are true.”

“And then what?” I wondered. Are you going to teach me much? Are you going to help me figure this out?

He smiled. “I will explain should we reach that point. Come. Let us see how well you learn the next part of Unrelenting Force. The shout that Fus is the first word of.” Looking past me at Kaidan he gave him a kind smile. “As for you, young man. If you would proceed down this hallway you will find some food and if you would like there are some books that would allow you to entertain yourself.”

Kaidan nodded, hooking my pack in his hand. I shifted out of it with a slight flush, nodding my thanks as he headed down the hallway. I’m a little surprised. I’d have expected him to want to see this. But I suppose it wouldn’t feel right to argue with Master Arngeir.

Learning from the Greybeards was more exhausting than I expected, and I wondered if it was being compounded by the spell backlash. If I must use any more magic today, I might very well drain myself to the point of unconsciousness. I shivered as they demonstrated how to use Whirlwind Sprint. A useful shout this one. “Wuld!” Surprised by how easily I passed over the snowy courtyard. I wonder if there's any way to be sure you don't run into anything? I think I'll make sure to only use it in open areas.

Walking next to Master Arngeir through the stone halls, I shivered again. “Do you get cold easily Dragonborn?” He asked, his tone concerned.

“No. I’m just dealing with a spell backlash,” I admitted.

“Get some rest then before you leave the Monastery," he ordered. “Tomorrow I want you to start your journey toward the ruins of Ustengrov. There you will find the horn of our founder Jurgen Windcaller. Only then can we be sure that you can use your Shouts in the practical manner that a Dragonborn requires.”

“Where is the ruin?” I asked, stopping with him near a few chairs and a bookcase, Kai looking up from a book.

“It is in the swamps near Morthal. If you have a map, I can mark the location.”

Immediately Kai put the book aside and grabbed my pack, pulling the map off the side and passing it over. The Greybeard looked down, muttering to himself before putting a small x in the swamps. “Remember. If you come across any Word Walls, you may be able to utilize any words that are active.”

“Thank you Master Arngeir. Did you want me to tell you before we leave in the morning?”

He shook his head. “No. We rise early and spend much of our day in meditation. And the others cannot speak without Shouting.”

“Thank you,” I said softly, offering a shallow bow.

He inclined his head and moved away.

“Learn anything interesting?” Kaidan asked once the old monk was out of earshot.

“A bit. I’ll show you tomorrow,” I said, shivering as I unrolled my bedroll. “I’m tired,” I admitted.

“Aye. Get some rest," he murmured, giving me a concerned look.

“Mm. I was curious though,” I started as I laid down.

“What about?” He asked, sitting cross-legged next to me, sorting his own bedroll.

I turned, propping my head up on my arm. “What did you do after Brynjar died?”

He puffed out a short breath. “You’re certain you want to know?”

“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t,” I pointed out.

“It’s not pretty but.” He sighed. “I suppose it helped make me who I am.”

“A strong, capable warrior?” I asked impishly.

He smiled, shaking his head as he looked down at me, his gaze suddenly gaining intensity. “A man riddled by regret," he corrected. “And yet…”

“And yet?”

He frowned. “If there was a vice Brynjar had I tried it. You told your brother that I wasn’t fighting a Skooma addiction. Five years ago, I was. I had no mooring. I was… Brynjar had spent so long being my only consistent connection that I didn’t know what to do with him gone. So, I turned to Bounty Hunting. To be honest. Were it not for the Thalmor I might have seen that poster and…” He trailed off, looking deeply uncomfortable.

“The poster,” I mused.

He studied the ground for a moment. “You’ll remember. You’ll remember and you’ll know what I just implied," he said softly. “But. It was a bounty that led me to the cult. The Blooded Dawn. They seemed to have everything I wanted. Fellowship. Power. Especially power.”

“Daedric?” I guessed.

“Yes," he admitted. “I was stupid. I should have realized from the beginning that their fellowship only came with expectations.” He sighed heavily. “Expectations I could not bring myself to meet.”

“I can’t imagine they just let you leave.”

“No. No they didn’t but…” He gave me a soft smile that set my heart racing. “You’ve more than enough on your mind without my burdening you with the scars of my past.”

“Kai…” I murmured.

He shifted, a strange look crossing his face. “What did you call me?”

I flushed deeply. “Sorry. I called you Kai,” I responded, hoping I hadn’t offended him too terribly.

“No, it’s fine. It’s. It’s more than fine," he said quickly. “It doesn’t bother me. I just… wasn’t expecting it is all.”

I glanced away, trying to gain control of my expression. “I’m sorry you had a rough go of it.”

He shook his head, his gaze intense. “If I hadn’t.” He frowned. “I don’t know where I’d be. I don’t know if I would have met you. So. Although it may have been painful. I would not change it.”

Chapter Text

Kaidan: High Hrothgar

Watching Silka’s flush deepen I realized I was pleased with what I’d told her. I wasn’t expecting to share it with another person, but you wanted to know, and somehow it was easy to tell you.

“It sounds terrible to say I’m glad you went through something so difficult as dealing with a Daedric Cult," she murmured, shifting into a sitting position. “But I’m glad you got free. And I’m glad your path brought you to Skyrim. I might not have all my memories but…” Her gaze went distant for a long moment before she focused back on me, her green-brown eyes steady. “I know I can trust you. And on top of that I enjoy your company. So… I guess what I’m saying is… I’m glad you’re here too.”

“You trust me?” I asked, feeling deeply warmed.

She gave me a small smile. “Yes. It’s hard to explain but I know I can trust you. And…” She sighed heavily, staring down at her hands for a moment. “With everything going on. It’s… it’s a relief. To know. To know I have someone with me who would never hurt me.”

“Not on purpose at least,” I murmured.

She glanced up with a smile. “Precisely.”

“I trust you too,” I admitted, almost shocked to realize it was true. “There is a very short list of people who’ve gained my trust. And somehow, despite your being a mage…” I sighed. “You’re very easy to talk to.”

She laughed. “Perhaps it’s my Bardic training.”

I shook my head. “No. I don’t think so. I’ve seen you turn on your charm. And it’s not that.”

“Can read me that easily already?” She asked, drawing her knees up and resting her head on them, looking over at me with a soft smile.

“I’m still learning,” I said. “But.” I reached out and gently slipped a lock of hair back behind her ear, concerned by how cold her skin felt. “You don’t blush when you’ve turned on your charm. It’s… You look at me when you’re talking to me and I can read the emotions on your face.” I studied her expression. “Most of the time.”

She shivered and I frowned, my discussion with Nevian coming to mind. He told me to watch her for signs of being overly cold. Said she wouldn’t be willing to admit to being in danger. “Are you alright?” I asked. “You seem cold.”

“I’ll be fine. I just need some sleep," she said, and I felt my eyes narrow as Nevian’s prediction proved true.

“Why are you so cold?” I pressed.

“Just a little spell backlash.”

“Now you’re turning on the charm,” I told her, irritated that she would try it. You realize I just told you I can tell when you’re putting on your Bardic face right? And you try it anyway?

“I just need sleep," she repeated, closing her eyes.

I scowled. “How dangerous is this? Would it have been safer to stay in Ivarstead instead of pressing on to High Hrothgar today?”

“Mmm.” She sighed as she opened her eyes again. “The danger depends on a few factors.” She hid a yawn behind her hand. “How often you rebound. What you do after you rebound and if you’re able to keep warm when you next sleep.”

“How often do you rebound?”

“Not often. At least not in recent memory. Granted I’m not entirely sure which spell I used that rebounded. But I’m certain I had a good reason for casting it.”

You already don’t remember? Damn. This is getting ridiculous. “Is your bedroll going to be warm enough?” I wondered.

“Um.” She considered it. “Honestly, I’m not sure.”

I shook my head and felt my heartbeat pick up. There is a simple solution to help her keep warm. But I’m not sure she’d be comfortable with it and Divines know it will complicate things. “So. Perhaps we should share,” I said, keeping my tone as even as possible.

She blinked. “Pardon?”

“You heard me. If you’re not certain you’ll be warm enough in your bedroll then we should share. And I will keep you warm.”

She flushed, deeper than I’d yet seen and I forced myself to keep my gaze steady. “That worried I’ll succumb to the backlash?” She murmured after a long moment.

I reached a hand forward and rested it on her cheek, unhappy to find that her skin was still ice cold even beneath the blush. “Yes.”

“I know I told you I don’t normally allow people to touch my scars," she responded.

“I remember,” I told her. “But. This is not a normal circumstance.” Taking a deep breath, I reached out a hand toward her. “Please. Let me protect you. I swore an oath remember?” How pathetic would it be if you died because you were too stubborn to let me keep you warm?

With a slight nod she reached a hand out and clasped mine. I gently drew her to her feet. “Sit in one of the chairs while I sort the bedding?” I suggested.

“I have enough energy," she protested. “I can get the blankets out.”

I shook my head. “Just rest.”

She sighed but sat down in the chair I’d been reading in. Working swiftly, I tugged the bedrolls together, using what leather ties I could find. Digging through my pack I pulled my blankets out then tugged Silka’s pack over to me, glancing up at her to see she was looking through a book. Good. She listened. I’m honestly a little surprised. I frowned. She must be in worse straights than I realized.

Looking through her pack to find her blanket I shook my head over the number of books. I’ll have to talk to her about that. About borrowing some and about selling the ones she isn’t going to reread. Pulling the blanket free I rose and returned to the bedding, draping it down then looking over at Silka.

“Let’s get some rest,” I suggested, pulling my armor and boots off and setting them by my pack.

“Wait,” Silka said, frowning as she unstrapped her armor. “Look. I… I know I need body heat. But I need to ease into it. The scars on my back… I don’t remember how I got them but…” She shook her head. “They’re… They bother me. Would you be alright with sitting first? Sitting and reading maybe?”

“Of course,” I responded. “I was meaning to talk to you about books although we ought to take our shirts off regardless,” I suggested, then winced. That sounded wrong. And it still requires me to touch her back. “That doesn’t address the scars though,” I admitted.

She flushed before crouching by her bag. “Yes. But sitting still feels less vulnerable. I trust you but…”

I held up a hand. “I understand. You don’t have to explain that.” Your scars run deep. You can’t control how they make you feel when you can’t remember the circumstances around them. I gave her a level look as I pulled my shirt off and dropped it on top of my armor. “I would like to know why you use magic when it’s so dangerous though.” It consumes everything. Just look at you. Half frozen from a spell you used hours ago.

She shrugged a shoulder as she extracted a book. “It’s part of me Kai. I can’t not use it.”

I raised an eyebrow as we moved toward the blankets. “It means that much to you?” I asked, settling down, moving the top layers of blankets enough to give us room.

“Mmm. That’s not what I meant," she responded, sitting down next to me, shaking her head then peeling her shirt off and setting it nearby, leaving her undergarment in place.

Trying not to look at her scars I carefully put an arm around her and gently drew her close to me, closing my eyes at the feel of her pressed against me. Fuck. How does this feel so right? Even when she’s this damn cold? “What did you mean?” I asked, wincing at the chill, dragging the top blanket up to her neck and wrapping my other arm across her shoulders to help hold it in place. How did you manage the climb being this cold? No wonder the wind was so rough on you. I should have realized then.

“When I say it’s part of me, I mean that literally," she said, lifting one hand to secure the blanket, nudging my arm until I moved it. “I could try not to touch my magic and with my respective strengths I could get away with it for a while. But in the end, it would escape. So, it’s safest to shape it.”

I sighed. “So, for someone skilled in Destruction?” I asked, trying not to think about why my thoughts would immediately go to that school of magic.

She considered it, leaning slightly further against me, shifting her head so she could make eye contact. I bit the inside of my lip, trying to maintain control of myself. It would be so easy to just lean down and kiss you right now. But I dare say you’d never trust me again. And for good reason.

She quirked an eyebrow slightly before glancing away again. “It would escape too. And it would be pretty hard to miss," she said. “To a degree all magic has similar roots. What Farengar said was true. You can shape your gift how you’d like. But each mage is naturally drawn to different schools.”

“And you were drawn to?” I asked, desperately trying to keep my thoughts on the conversation at hand.

“Restoration. Illusion…” She yawned, covering it automatically with her hand. “Alteration.” She leaned her head against my shoulder, opening the book.

“And what is Fear?”

“Illusion," she said, her voice quiet.

“Are you certain you’ll stay awake long enough to read?” I murmured, bringing my other arm around her, hugging her to me as I rested my head against hers. “You’re Fucking freezing,” I grumbled, not happy with the chill of her skin.

She huffed out a small laugh, opening the book. “I’ll stay awake for a little longer," she responded. “And yes Kai. I’m aware that I’m freezing.”

“So, what are we reading?” I asked.

“Lost Legends.”

“Hmmm. Been meaning to read that one. Are there maps?”

She laughed, resting the book on her lap to open it and lift it back up. “See for yourself and let me know when you want me to turn the page.”

Almost a full chapter into the book I shifted my weight back slightly, pleased when Silka shifted with me. She’s comfortable and starting to warm up. That’s a relief. She dropped her head slightly at the end of the page and I sighed. And she’s falling asleep. Good, she needs the rest. Somehow I don’t see her making it to the end of the chapter. I watched her when she didn't respond to a nudge to turn the page, not too surprised when the book and the blanket abruptly tumbled into her lap.

Shifting my arm, I reached for the book to move it when she twisted, half curling her body as she tried to get comfortable. Taking a deep breath, careful to not touch her scars with my hands I shifted the arm that still held her. Moving the book and grabbing blankets I glanced down and nearly froze up as I got a good look at her back scars. Fuck. Those are… Shoving the thought away for now I focused on getting comfortable.

Moving the blankets, I carefully shifted both of us, amused when she grumbled and half woke up, moving herself to the ground as I laid down. Immediately she pressed herself more firmly against me and I breathed out a deep sigh as I wrapped my arm around her again. Fuck it feels good to hold you. I only wish it wasn’t because your magic tried to kill you.

Pulling the blankets up, I tucked them tightly around her to trap as much heat as possible before moving my free arm to the back of my head, staring up at the ceiling. Her back scars are claw marks but they’re so neat. Too neat. She said Sarlfi gave her the arm and shoulder scars. That Daggvar scarred her ‘elsewhere’. Her shoulder and arm. Those are jagged. Done swiftly. But her back. Did Daggvar do that? They weren’t done quickly, not with how long they are. Which means whoever gave them to her wanted to hurt her. And badly. I looked down at her, shifting my hand out from under me again to gently stroke her hair, admiring the red picked up by the lamp.

If I had seen the poster before I knew her. Before the Thalmor. I may have tracked her down myself, brought news of her to her fiancé. To the man who left those scars on her. It had to have been him. It had to. What else did he do? I scowled at the ceiling. I don’t want to know. I don’t Need to know. Fuck. She’s going to have Bounty Hunters after her. That price is too tempting. I moved my hand to my forehead, trying to settle my mind so I could sleep. I’ll be damned if I let them get near her. And should I ever meet Daggvar… I cut the thought off when she shifted, reaching to stroke her hair again. I know getting your memories back is the safest thing for you, but what is it going to cost? Will you remember it all at once? Will you want me to stay with you? Grimacing I shoved the thoughts away for later. Sleep. Get some rest so you’ll be ready for danger tomorrow. Moving my arm back under my head I closed my eyes, trying to fall asleep, comforted by the weight of Silka against me.

A soft cry startled me awake and I tightened my arm reflexively, registering a second later that Silka was still resting against me. She thrashed and I brought my other arm back around her, half turning so I could hold her closer. “Shh,” I murmured. “It’s just a dream. I’ve got you.”

She jerked again and opened her eyes, breathing hard as she looked at me in the flickering lamp light. “Kai. What are? Where?” She looked around then let out a long shuddering breath as she looked back at me. After a moment her shoulders relaxed, and she let her eyes close. “Safe," she murmured, almost too low for me to hear as she slumped back against me.

You feel safe with me? I stared down at her in wonder. I know you said you trusted me but, I suppose on a small level I hadn’t dared believe it. Warmed, I closed my eyes again, letting sleep return.

The next time I woke, Silka was just stirring and I considered whether it would make her more comfortable for me to release her and rise while she finished waking up or stay put. Before I could move, she opened her eyes with a deep sigh. “Kaidan," she murmured.

“Yes?”

She shifted, pulling away from me and sitting up, shivering slightly as she turned to look down at me. “Thank you," she said, giving me a soft smile that made my heart pound. Resisting the urge to pull her back down into my arms I sat up.

“I swore an oath,” I responded, keeping my voice soft as I looked at her. More than one now although you won’t know about the second. It’s dependent on your keeping me around after my debt is paid anyway. You don’t need to know yet.

She nodded and glanced to the side, looking almost disappointed. “Yes, you did. Well; Let’s get moving.”

On the Road to Falkreath

“Why the rush?” I asked as Silka pressed through Ivarstead, pausing only to speak with the man who’d told us the trail conditions and asked us to drop off some food supplies.

“I just want to keep moving," she said. “I’m not entirely sure why.”

“Eager to meet up with Nevian and get your memories back?” I suggested.

She paused and turned to face me. “Most likely.”

“You don’t remember that conversation, do you?” I asked, frowning over it. “Do you remember any of yesterday morning?”

She shook her head, frowning. “No. I know I rebounded at some point before noon though. Last night wouldn’t have happened without it but I can’t recall what spell or why I cast it.” She puffed out a short breath then gave me a small smile. “I’m lucky I found someone so trustworthy to travel with. You could tell me a great many things if you wanted to.”

I inclined my head. “I could, but it would fall apart once you got your memories back and I wouldn’t be able to stop you playing a lute if you found one.”

“True enough," she agreed, moving on again.

Catching up to her I glanced over. “Are you upset about last night?” I asked.

“No.” She paused and turned toward me. “I…” She blushed. “I appreciate it. I… You didn’t have to stay with me the whole night.”

I smiled, stepping forward and brushing a bit of hair over her shoulder. “I wanted to,” I admitted. “I needed to know you were safe.”

Her flush deepened and she glanced to the side for a moment. “Thank you.”

“You just try not to rebound your spells again alright?” I said softly. I want you in my arms because you want to be there. Not because your magic pushed you there again.

She grinned. I’ll do my best," she promised. “Come on. Let’s get moving.”

Moving to her side I considered the path ahead. I do want you back in my arms. I want to be closer to you, perhaps reading with you again. And I certainly wouldn’t mind more past that. But memories first I think. And hopefully you’ll still want me around after you get them.

Midday found us moving to higher elevations and I shot Silka a concerned glance. “Are you certain you’re fully recovered?” I asked. “I don’t want the colder air to sap your strength.”

She laughed. “I appreciate the concern Kai but yes, I’m certain that I’ve gotten past the rebound.” Half turning, she grinned at me then twisted back. “I believe that reading last night may have helped warm me up faster."

“About your books. Why do you carry so many?” I wondered, asking the safest of the questions I had.

“I forget I have them when I’m somewhere I could sell them," she admitted.

“Have you read all the books you’re currently carrying?”

“All but one," she responded, her tone bright, as dirt gave way to snow. “Would you want to borrow any?”

“I would.” I told her, rewarded with a flash of a grin as she glanced at me.

“Excellent. Did you want to borrow Lost Legends since we started reading it last night?”

I’d rather read it the rest of the way with you. I thought. “Have you finished it?” I asked.

“A while ago. I don’t remember everything though.”

“I’ll try to refresh your memory when I finish it then. Unless you wanted to continue to read it with me.”

She blushed, obviously picking up on my suggestion. “We can discuss it when we make camp," she said, her tone amused, her cheeks still flushed.

Chapter Text

On the Road

“Three or four more days to Falkreath,” I murmured, tracing the route on the map. “Harder climb up the mountain this way.”

“But more direct to Falkreath,” Kai responded, sitting down next to me by the fire.

“That's true,” I agreed.

“Are you looking forward to getting your memories back?” He asked.

“If only to ensure I stop losing more,” I replied, watching his expression change as he studied the fire. “What happened to Brynjar?” I asked. “You told me he died but…”

He shook his head, anger replacing the thoughtfulness. “He drank himself to death. Wandered into a Fucking blizzard looking for something stronger to drink.” He sighed heavily. “Dead on the temple steps. There’s no Sovngarde for that. He had so much life he could have lived still. He could have tried harder to get over the war. Not given in to his nightmares.” He scoffed as he checked some cooking rabbits. “Priest was apologetic when he came to see me. Gave me all the usual platitudes about his soul going to Aetherius. Idiotic.”

Reaching my hand out I gently grasped his and squeezed lightly. “There are some things that you can’t just ‘get over’. That he fought during the Great War suggests he’d been fighting his demons for a long time.”

Turning his hand over he twined his fingers in mine and I felt my heart race. “I suppose that’s true," he admitted, staring down at our hands.

“Who told you how he died?” I asked, wondering why I didn’t feel compelled to move my hand. When did I decide to stop worrying about complications?

“The Priest did. He died on the steps of what had been the Great Chapel of Talos.”

I frowned, working it over in my head. Temple of Talos? Well, former after the Thalmor. “I don’t suppose there’s any chance he didn’t die of natural causes?” I murmured.

His brows furrowed. “What do you mean?”

I shook my head. “Just a thought. You said he spent your life training you as he ran from something. Just seems odd that a Nord would go off and die in a blizzard. I mean it happens but…” I shrugged.

“You think that what he was running from caught up to him," he mused, staring down at our hands for a long moment before looking at me. “I had never considered that. Why would the priest lie to me?”

“Perhaps Brynjar asked him to before he died. Or perhaps he found him afterword. That, you would not know without returning. But regardless of whether it was the drink or something different… he was hurting.” I gave him a sad smile. “Trust me on that.” I know what it’s like. And I haven’t been living with it for that long… as far as I know. “Some of us just…” We hold onto it whether we want to or not. I sighed, giving his hand a slight squeeze and pulling away to tend to the food.

Kai watched me stand up with a troubled expression. “My apologies. I did not mean…” He frowned. “I did not mean to insinuate that you are weak," he said. “Brynjar was long past the war. He should have known better. Been stronger.”

“As Viarmo likes to say; age does not always bring wisdom. It just as readily brings unyielding pride, weariness or a deep-seated rage.” I shrugged as I set bread and meat into our dishes and carried them back to the side of the fire he was sitting on, settling down on the ground next to him.

He smiled down at me as he accepted the bowl. “You’re much more forgiving than I am.”

Tilting my head back slightly I considered it. “Right now, perhaps. We’ll see what happens when I get my memories back. Perhaps I have old grudges.” I sighed, straightening and paying attention to my meal. “We’ll find out soon.”

“So, did you give it thought?” Kai asked, settling himself comfortably by the fire.

“Give what thought?” I asked, checking my axe edges.

He quirked an eyebrow. “Reading. Together.”

I flushed slightly. “Ah.” I considered it, remembering the previous night, feeling my blush deepen slightly as I recalled the feel of his skin against mine. It was pleasant. Can’t deny that. And things are already complicated. Why not?

“It’s alright if the answer is no," he said quickly.

Taking a deep breath, I opened my bag and fished out the book. Shrugging, I rose and walked over to him. “I’m up for it,” I responded, giving him a small smile as I dropped down next to him.

Moving a bit, he wrapped his arm around me, resting his hand on my hip as he pulled me tightly to his side. A slight shiver ran through me and I blew out a long breath, acutely aware of everywhere we touched. I… I don’t want to pull away. I like being this close to him.  Brushing some hair out of my face I opened the book and leaned into his shoulder so he’d be able to see the pages.

Falkreath

“Couple miles out now,” Kai said, shading his eyes as he surveyed the roadway. “Should get there well before dark.”

“That’s good to know," I responded, glancing over at him with a smile.

“I find it odd we never crossed paths while you were treasure hunting," he mused.

I laughed. “I made it my business to never be seen. When I wasn’t just dungeon delving anyway.”

“Were you perhaps doing illegal things?” He asked, quirking an eyebrow.

I shifted to respond and frowned, nodding toward the woods that lined the road. “There’s someone in the brush.”

Immediately Kai’s hand went to his sword hilt and he turned toward where I’d looked. A lean Argonian stepped out, hands held out in a placating gesture. “Kaidan. I did not expect to come across you here. I’d heard the Thalmor got a hold of you.”

“Seetul,” Kaidan identified. “How did you hear that?”

“Fisherman near your camp. Hid underwater so things were muffled but he told me they got the best of you. He must have been wrong.” He looked at me and frowned. “Do you intend to collect the bounty then? It is large enough for sharing.”

Kai stiffened. “I’ve only seen an informational bounty. And while generous it was hardly worth sharing," he said slowly.

The Argonian shook his head. “Not just information anymore. New bounty being nosed about.” He stuck a clawed hand into his pouch and pulled out a folded poster, holding it out toward Kaidan. “I’ve never liked the idea of crossing swords with you," he muttered as Kai took the poster and read it. “But since I’m the one who told you about it…” He trailed off when Kai shook his head.

“You don’t understand Seetul," he said, “She is my friend, and the one who set the bounty. Is not.”

Seetul sighed heavily. “That’s disappointing to hear," he said. “Others will take your traveling with her as a challenge," he cautioned, shooting me another glance while I watched with my arms crossed, certain that Kaidan would explain the exchange. Or at least I can drag it out of him.

“What was that all about?” I asked, watching the Argonian move away down the road.

“That was Seetul, he was warning me that the bounty on you has changed.” He shook his head. “We need to get you your memories back.”

I frowned. “I didn’t even remember I had a bounty.”

“That’s part of the problem," he responded, sighing deeply, the expression on his face hard to decipher. “Come on. We’re almost to Falkreath. Hopefully Nevian is there already.”

“I don’t envy the guards here should a dragon attack,” Kai muttered as the city came into view. “It’s so heavily wooded that one could do a lot of damage with fire.”

“Especially dragon fire,” I agreed, then hesitated, pressing fingertips to my chest. “Speaking of dragons…” I muttered. “How far out are we?”

He studied the road ahead. “Not far. If we cut through the trees, we’ll get there faster. You think the dragon will go for the city?”

“Yes. Last one did,” I responded, picking up my pace.

He huffed out a long breath and ran with me, gesturing to where we needed to cut away from the road. The sensation in my chest got stronger and I pumped my legs harder, the city coming into view, noting movement out of the corner of my eye, a flash of brown fur. Too big to be a wolf. Bear? Focus Silka. Dragon. I thought as one of the guards registered our approach and moved a bit toward us.

“What’s the rush?” He asked.

Opening my mouth to respond I shook my head and pointed instead when the dragon wheeled overhead. “That,” I managed, taking my bag off, dropping it next to the city wall, nudging it out of view as I readied my bow. “Heavy bows and crossbows aim for joints," I ordered. “That’s what worked in Whiterun,” I added as the guard gave me a funny look even as the others were drawing their bows.

“You’ve seen a dragon before?” He asked.

“Fought a dragon before,” Kai corrected, sighting down his bow and releasing as I sighted for my own shot, frowning when it just clipped the webbing.

“You’re not taking your own advice?” The guard asked, his voice nervous.

“Light bow,” I responded, narrowing my eyes as the dragon came toward us, opening its maw. “Move!” I ordered and the guards scattered as it Shouted ice.

Dodging to the side, I grimaced as I caught the edge of the ice with my shoulder. Cold. Cold. Fucking cold. I tried to shake it off, wheeling around to fire at it again, slinging my bow away as it dropped into the road, charging toward the guards, making them scatter with screams of terror.

“Don’t jump on its head,” Kai ordered as he loosed another arrow.

“No promises!” I responded, dashing forward, an axe in one hand as I called my oakflesh spell into place with the other. “Fus Ro!” I Shouted, staggering it slightly and drawing its attention completely to me as I got closer.

“Die mortal!” It screamed, drawing in a deep breath.

Firming my stance, I watched it with narrowed eyes. As soon as it started its Shout, I threw myself forward and to the side, grimly pleased to see a crossbow bolt catch it in the nose. Coming up with my hand axe I hit it in the lower jaw with as much weight as I could. As it started listing back with a cry of rage and pain, I Shouted “Fus Ro!” And watched it crumple backward, thrashing with its death throws. As soon as its skin started crackling with white light, I squared my feet to attempt to maintain them, still driven to my knees as the power poured into me, pressing into my bones, energy welling into my system. Wiping my axes clean I sheathed them as I rose, pulsing a healing spell through my shoulder.

“Does anyone need healing?” I asked, turning to face the guards and Kaidan.

Kai came forward as the guards murmured among themselves and finally the one we’d spoken with shook his head. “Nothing that a potion or two can’t fix. Thank you Dragonborn, I’m certain it would not have been the same story without you.”

“I am glad that I was nearby,” I responded honestly. “Now if you’ll excuse me the bath house calls.”

Some chuckled as I moved to Kaidan’s side, sorely tempted to lean into his shoulder. “How are you feeling?” He asked.

“Both invigorated and exhausted,” I responded. “It’s a strange feeling,” I admitted as we recovered our gear before entering the city.

“Silka.” Delacourt called as I entered the inn, my hair wet from the bath. “Saw you come in. Figured you were for the baths. What in Oblivion is this?” He asked, holding out a letter.

“A poorly worded letter?” I asked, putting a hand on the back of my neck as I approached his corner.

“Yes," he snapped. “Don’t worry, I’m alive? Things got complicated? Where is your lute?”

“Thalmor smashed it,” I muttered. “Triggered a memory spell.”

He pressed fingertips to his forehead. “We warned you about those songs you carry. The ones you wrote. You can generally get by with the standard fair but…” He frowned, nodding past me. “Who’s this?”

I glanced over my shoulder and quirked a smile as I noted that Kaidan had come into the inn and joined me by the bard. “This is my traveling companion.”

“I’m going to guess he joined after the Thalmor incident," he muttered. “He looks like he could handle a standard sized patrol.”

“Well yes but also it wasn’t a standard size. It was two. And then they sent me to Helgen after I lost most of my memory.”

“They sent you to…” He broke off and went on a rant wholly comprised of cuss words and I tried to hide the grin that threatened. “What happened at Helgen?”

“Dragon,” I responded, explaining how the day had gone down.

“Viarmo is going to want to hear about that in person. Do you know how to fix your memory issues?”

“Music. Playing music specifically.”

His eyebrows rose. “Really? It was tailored to you then.” He held a hand out and I felt a spell flicker through me. “Yes. Music should do it.” He frowned and held his lute out. “If you break this or lose it, I will hunt you down.  Use it. Get yourself under control and let me get a special show set up.”

“There’s more,” I admitted, taking the lute.

“More?” He asked.

“Yes. I’m Dragonborn.”

“Go. Get your memories back and we’ll discuss all of it in the morning.” He looked at Kaidan. “Bring my lute back to me once she’s done with it would you?”

Kai inclined his head. “I can do that.”

“Good. Good.” He sighed, leaning back in his chair. “I have a letter to write," he muttered.

I grinned, moving away toward the counter to rent a room.

Pulling my music book out I opened it to one of the songs I couldn’t remember writing. “Figure the moment I stop needing this I probably have my memories back,” I mused, sitting on the bed, strumming the lute softly, reading the music carefully as Kai sat on the bed, his attention on me.

“Watch how easily you give away a weakness.” Azalet said gently, resting his hand on Nevian’s shoulder. “It is good that you are so connected to each other, but it could be used against you.” The music cut through the scene and I felt my breathing quicken as another memory surfaced.

“You did well. Avoided us for some time. Pity you chose to move near others,” Lorse said, grinning then shifting before lunging at Azalet. I tried to tear myself away from that memory, pressing a little harder on the lute strings. I don’t want to see the end. I tried to even my breathing as the memory played out anyway. The old Redguard brought his shield around, blocking the first swing from the werewolf, slashing out, dancing away, an expert swordsman. But old, and not without weakness. Crouching amongst the thorned berries I watched as the old Blade lost his footing, an old injury forcing his ankle to roll. Saw the werewolf capitalize on it, pressing forward, ripping his arm from his body with a spray of blood. I shoved my hand in my mouth so I couldn’t scream, unable to look away as Lorse ripped Azalet’s chest open and devoured his heart. Dropping my grandfather to look around, his blood smeared on his fur, the werewolf let out a long howl that tore at my ears. Smoke rose from the village as other pack members set houses on fire. Tears flooded my vision as a pair of werewolves tore apart some villagers as Lorse had torn apart Azalet. A werewolf looked in my direction and, heart hammering in my ears I backed out of the bush, cast a chameleon spell and bolted. 

“Silka. Silka.” The words broke through the memory and I opened my eyes, realizing the lute was no longer in my hands. Kai knelt on the bed, his hands cupping my face, his forehead creased with worry.

My breath caught hard in my throat and with a low moan, my eyes still burning with tears I reached out for my companion, collapsing against his chest when he released my face and opened his arms. He pulled me to him, stroking my hair gently. “I’ve got you," he whispered. “I’ve got you.”

Why? I wondered, grasping his shirt in my hands. Why are you so willing to help me? Is it just the debt? Will you leave when it’s discharged? Will you go your own path? Now that I’ve got my memories back will that change things? I don’t want you to leave. I want you to stay. My throat and eyes burned as I pressed myself more tightly against him, feeling his arms tighten around me.

“Silka," he whispered. “Did you want to talk about it?”

I shook my head. “No. Not yet. Only.” I pulled back slightly so I could look up at him, giving him a watery smile when he brushed tears away. “What you said in High Hrothgar. That you would have taken the bounty.”

He stiffened and opened his mouth to say something when I pressed a finger against his lips. “Shh. Listen. If it hadn’t been for what the Thalmor did you would not have known me. You would not have known about any of what Daggvar did. Don’t blame yourself for a job that you might have taken.”

“No?” He asked. “You think I can just brush off what might have happened?”

“I think you should at least try,” I murmured. “You’re here. You’re here. For…” I shook my head. “For as long as you want to be.”

“What do you mean by that?” He asked, brushing my hair over my shoulder.

“We’ve been traveling together for some time now. Long enough that we both know that there’s trust here,” I explained. “Your life debt to me is…” I shrugged. “Pretty well paid in full.” I could feel another memory surfacing and grimaced, closing my eyes.

“It could never be paid off," he said, and I opened my eyes, looking up at him, confusion tempering the onslaught of memories.

“What do you mean?”

“Traveling with you. Fighting by your side. It’s given a purpose to my life that I never thought I’d have. How can I claim to have discharged my debt when every moment I accrue more?”

“So, you want to stay?” I asked, meeting his eyes. “You want to keep traveling with me?” I shook my head. “You’ve seen how messy my life is.”

He laughed softly, shifting his weight, pulling me onto his lap. “Yes.”

With a soft sigh I relaxed, letting him hold me as more memories washed over me.

“Sil. They know the prisoners you’ve been caring for don’t feel the torture their magic demands.” Nev said, his face creased with fear.

“Fascinating,” I responded, studying the ingredients in front of me. “They know I’m terrible at alchemy. Only know three recipes.” I smiled. “But I know them well.”

“If you insist on being this reckless then it’s inevitable that you will run afoul of the Thalmor at some point.” Mother said, scowling from behind Nev. “Kyne willing that will never happen but in case it does… I know a spell. It will wipe your memory of everything Blade related. I’ve keyed it precisely to you.”

“Um…” I started, flinching when the spell struck me. “You could have asked.”

“Child. Until you start acting in interest of self-preservation I will act as I need to.”

“It’s not all about self,” I objected. “Or it shouldn’t be. Other people matter too.”

She snorted. “Don’t let your father hear you say that.”

Turning to Nev as she swept out of the tent, I shook my head. “Why are we staying here? What’s keeping us here?”

“Fear?” He suggested. “We know father tracked us down once already. What’s to stop him doing it again? He’s already frustrated with you. He might kill you outright next time. And I’d rather not lose my sister.”

“There’s got to be a way,” I murmured. “Until then…” I studied the bundles of herbs again. “I’m going to keep drugging hagraven prisoners.”  

Chapter Text

Kaidan: Falkreath

Watching Silka’s face as she relived more of her memories I marveled at our conversation. I was worried she’d want me to leave. I was preparing an argument to convince her to let me stay. I cradled her closer to my chest when she thrashed and let out a small sound of distress. She curved her body slightly, grasping my shirt again, burying her face in my shoulder. Gods. What did you remember this time? Kissing the top of her head, I gently stroked her hair. “You’re safe,” I murmured. “I’ve got you.” I can’t imagine what it would be like to relive Brynjar’s death, the farm and leaving the cult all at once. What have you remembered? Will you tell me any of it? She went limp in my arms and fear gripped me.

“Silka?” I whispered, resting fingertips gently against the pulse point in her throat. Her pulse was strong and I relaxed slightly. Overwhelmed. “You must have remembered a lot.” With a long sigh I carefully shifted her off my lap onto the bed, rising to retrieve the blankets and tuck them around her. I don’t want to leave her alone in case she wakes up, but Delacourt will be wanting his lute and she could probably use some food. Gods know I could. I hesitated, looking down at her for a long moment, wishing I could do more to assist her.

Locking the door behind me I headed down the short hallway into the noisy taproom, looking around for the Bard. He smiled as he saw me approaching. “Silka is sleeping I presume?” He asked.

I nodded slightly. “Yes.” Looking around the taproom I frowned, I don’t like how busy it’s gotten. I don’t want to risk Silka getting hurt by someone.

“If it makes you feel any better, I haven’t seen any sign of her older brother,” Delacourt offered.

“You know what her older brother looks like?” I asked.

“Yes. She sketched him for us," he said. “Viarmo got her to tell us a great many things about her life before joining the College. I don’t believe she expected to meet someone like him.”

“Hmm,” I responded, narrowing my eyes slightly. So, the Bard’s College is why she was sketching their portraits?

The Breton smiled. “Now. As us Senior members take the safety of our Junior members very seriously indeed, I am going to need you to tell me what your intentions are toward Silka.”

“I intend to keep her safe,” I responded acidly. “And right now, I intend to get her something to eat.” I saw no signs of any bards coming looking for her while we traveled, why should I trust what you say?

He nodded. “A sound plan. Has she told you about her past?”

“Some,” I said quietly.

“Good. I spoke with the guards who fought the dragon with you. They verified what she said. I didn’t want to believe it. But there’s no real choice.”

“Do you not think she can do it?”

“Oh, that’s not the issue at all," he said dismissively. “I know she’s quite capable. But she wanted to disappear once her circuit was done. Her plan was to lay low and study history as Giraud’s apprentice.”

“I best get that food so she’s not alone when she wakes up,” I said, moving to back away, uncomfortable with the frankness of the conversation, certain there was a motive I was missing.

“You used to come here a lot," he said quickly. “Bounty Hunter. I know the type. You think I wouldn’t question your motives? Especially considering the bounties that have been showing up?”

I froze, studying him. Bards are so common in inns that I don’t usually pay attention to them. And I don’t always consider that they have a great amount of information about the people who frequent their inns. An oversight on my part. “Silka saved my life,” I said slowly, realizing at that moment that he was serious about protecting her. And being a Breton it’s entirely possible that he is a mage. “I owe her a debt.” He doesn’t need to know that she sees it as discharged.

“Alright. See that you keep my words in mind. I’ll include your description with my letter to Viarmo.”

“Why do you feel the need to do that?” I wondered.

He smiled. “So he doesn’t make sure you run into trouble.” He turned away and I shook my head, moving to the counter to order food and a couple of bottles of mead.

That was a threat. I realized, somewhat amused. People don’t really take the Bards College seriously. I wonder if that’s on purpose. I ruminated on it as I moved swiftly back to the room, watching the people I passed, relieved to see the hallway was empty, the small window still shuttered tightly.

Unlocking the door, I slipped inside and looked immediately at the bed. Silka was still and I breathed out a sigh of relief. Still sleeping. Good. Putting the food and mead down I pulled my boots and undershirt off, setting them to the side before sliding under the blankets next to my traveling companion, pulling her into my arms, breathing out a small sigh. Gods, holding you in my arms is becoming an addiction. Always wondering when I can do it again. Burying my face in her hair I breathed in deeply, memorizing her scent. She shifted, stirring awake.

“Kaidan," she murmured.

“I’m here,” I responded. “What do you need?”

She sighed and twisted in my arms. Reluctantly I loosened my hold so she could roll over. “How long did I sleep?”

“Not terribly long. Thirty minutes maybe. You worried me a bit. With the way you went about falling asleep.”

“I think passed out would be the more accurate term," she muttered, her forehead creasing slightly.

“Yes,” I agreed. “Come, I brought Delacourt his lute back and bought some food. Figured, hoped, that you’d be hungry.”

“I can try to eat something. After the dragon I need it. Not feeling very hungry though.” She said, sitting up anyway.

I sat up myself and rose, offering her a hand out of the bed. “Just eat a bit of it,” I suggested. “Enough that you can drink the mead and sleep more easily.”

She quirked a smile at me, accepting my hand and standing, patting lightly at her eyes with her fingertips.

“Eyes hurt?” I asked.

She nodded. “Just a bit. Gods, I haven’t cried that hard since my mother got turned.”

“Turned?” I asked softly.

“Yes," she said quietly as she sat down at the table, poking at the stew with the spoon. “There’s not use lying to you about it. Nev would probably mention it anyway.” She took a bite, looking thoughtful. “How much do you know about hagravens?” She asked.

“Perversions of nature,” I spat, then frowned, looking at her. “Why?”

“That’s an apt description of them," she said softly. “When I was eighteen, they told my mother that if she did not turn and join her magical gifts with theirs that they would kill me.” She tapped her cheek scars. “Gave me the burn and the gashes to prove their sincerity.”

“Did it work?” I asked softly.

“Yes. Which…” She frowned, sipping at the mead. “I didn’t want her to. Someone must die for a hagraven to be made. So, she traded my life for a stranger.”

“You wanted to die?”

She put her drink down and looked up at me. “Yes.”

“Why?” I asked. What could make someone so young have a death wish?

She let out a long breath. “When I was a baby, my mother’s parents snuck into pack territory to rescue their daughter from the werewolf who had captured her. She declined to go with them. Claimed the pack leader, Lorse, had ties with the Thalmor and would help them track her, and any other Blades down. Turns out she was right.”

“Your mother was a Blade?” I asked softly.

“Yes. As were both her parents. She was only involved in the Great War during its last year or so, but that was long enough for the Thalmor to count her among the Blades. And of course, her parents were both involved.”

“So, her parents took you… and Nevian?” I asked.

“Yes. We were raised by Azalet and Lamrika. Lamrika disappeared when I was six and Azalet…” She sighed. “He stopped moving around after that. Before that we’d moved every six months or so. But he didn’t have the heart to keep moving. So, we settled into a small farming community and Azalet taught the children how to read and write. He taught Nev and I history. Mostly history of the Blades… and the Akaviri.”

“Which is why you keep your journals in Akaviri then?” I murmured, pushing her stew toward her, raising an eyebrow when she raised one of her own.

Shaking her head, she humored me and took another bite.

“How did Lorse find you? I’m assuming Lorse did, and not the Thalmor.”

“Honestly based on something Nev told me it might have been both," she said. “When Lorse attacked the village, grandfather told us to run. Nev did, and he told me that he ran into a group of High Elves. And he could only think to babble a story about monsters, but he told me they didn’t seem at all surprised. And ultimately, they did turn him over to the pack.”

“What did you do?” I asked softly, sipping at my mead.

“I hid in the brush and watched. I was hoping I’d find an opening to cause a distraction.” She shook her head. “No. It didn’t happen. Gods. If I never see a burnt-out village again it will be too soon.”

Is that part of why Helgen affected you so badly?

“Took two days for Lorse to track me down and I swung a wood axe into his face. Well, I tried. And I didn’t know it at the time but that was when I first ran into Daggvar and Sarlfi. It leaves an impression, seeing your would-be fiancé devouring a farmers heart.”

I can imagine that would bias you against someone, yes. “What happened to your grandfather?”

“Lorse killed him. Azalet was an expert fighter, but so is Lorse, and he was getting old and had too many past injuries that weakened him," she explained.

“And you saw it happen.” I murmured, watching her face.

She tried to smile, but a tear trickled down her cheek. Putting my mead down I leaned forward and brushed it away. “You don’t have to talk about it if it’s too distressing,” I murmured.

“Thank you," she said. “It will fade again.”

“That’s true.” But until then you’re in pain.

“How busy was the taproom? I noticed after Helgen that crowds made me a bit nervous. Which isn’t ideal for a Bard.”

“But it’s fine for the Dragonborn,” I said. “And busy. Busier than I’d have liked to see. No sign of Nevian though.”

“See many Bounty Hunters?” She asked.

I shook my head. “Not that I recognized.”

“He won’t give up. Why won’t he just give up? It’s been six years. With his connections he has to know I didn’t hide a child away or something," she mused, playing with her spoon, staring at the table.

I felt my fingers tighten on my mead bottle. Hide a child away? Just what did he do to you? And do I want to know? “How old were you when you left?” I asked, trying to keep my tone even.

“I was almost nineteen. As Nev alluded to, I left while he was taking the twins to Winterhold. It’s not how I’d planned it. I had hoped to wait for Nev to come back and go with him. Maybe take out a certain Hagraven along the way. But…” She shook her head and sighed heavily. “Daggvar forced my hand. I had to leave early, and I don’t know why Nev hasn’t left yet.”

“Nev doesn’t know that Daggvar gave you your back scars?” I asked, his comment on her not telling him what Daggvar had done flashing in my memory.

“No. He’d have wanted to do something and…” She shook her head. “I worry he would have gotten killed.”

“So, you’ve carried it this long without telling anyone?” As if you’re one to talk Kai. I scolded myself, thinking of when I’d left the cult. And it did a lot of damage to keep it all bottled up.

“Yes.”

“I’m sorry.”

She shrugged slightly. “It’s alright. It’s just the way that it is sometimes. Are you going to tell me that you’ve told others about Brynjar and being in a Daedric cult?” She countered.

I smiled. “Fair enough. Are you going to eat any more?”

She shook her head. “No. I’m too tired.”

I frowned at her bowl. She barely ate any of it. “Alright,” I agreed, not voicing my disappointment. I’ll try again in the morning.

“Thank you. I know you’re not happy, but it’s really all I can stomach. Let’s get some sleep.”

“I’ll take the floor,” I offered.

She considered it, tapping the table. “No.”

“After the evening you’ve had I’m not letting you sleep on the floor,” I countered, surprised she would even consider it.

“That’s fine," she agreed. “I. It’s selfish. But...” She let out a long breath. “That night in High Hrothgar I slept better than memory tells me I’ve slept in literal years. I… could use that again.”

Heart hammering in my chest I rose slowly. “It was the same for me,” I murmured. And Divines know I’d give anything to hold you that close again.

She flushed deeply, and I gave her a small smile, jerking my head toward the bed. She nodded slightly then paused before reaching down to her shirt hem and pulling it off, shaking out her hair as I tried to breath evenly. “Let’s get some rest," she said, moving toward the bed.

Not thinking, I reached a hand out and caught her arm, tugging her gently toward me when she glanced at me. Heart racing, I looped an arm around her waist, pulling her tightly to me, sliding my other hand into her hair, tilting her head back slightly. “Silka,” I whispered, staring down into her hazel eyes. “I…” I took a deep breath as she flushed. Gathering my courage, questioning my timing, I lowered my head and kissed her, a jolt of desire striking me when she pressed into me, lifting a hand to tangle in my hair, her other hand resting on my shoulder as she returned the kiss, her lips soft against mine. Pulling back after a long moment I felt a smile spread across my face. Do you have any idea how long I’ve been wanting to do that? “I take it you didn’t remember anything that would make that unwelcome?”

“No," she responded, lifting herself up to initiate the next kiss.

With a small sound I pulled her as tightly to me as I could manage, feeling my skin flushing where it met hers, my shaft tightening to an almost painful degree as I held her. She might not be up for sex. I cautioned myself, letting out a low sound when she pulled back slightly and traced one of her hands down my chest, tracking it lower and lower. I shuddered as she rested her hand by the waist of my pants.

I looked down at her. “Lie with me tonight?” I whispered.

She met my eyes and licked her lips then slid her hand beneath the fabric and I tilted my head back with a soft moan as her fingers brushed my shaft. “Yes.”

Ducking my head down I kissed her again, my movements becoming somewhat frantic as I moved my hands and hooked fingers in the band of her pants, sliding them down over her hips, shifting mine so her hand slipped free, kneeling in front of her as I pulled pants and small clothes down. She let out a small gasping yelp when I grasped her ass and tilted her hips, bringing one hand around to tease at her nub before putting my mouth on her. Her knees buckled slightly, and I tried not to grin as I tasted her. This is not how I expected tonight to go. But even if this turns out to just be a distraction she needed… I twisted my tongue, rewarded with a further buckling of her knees and a low cry, my name on her lips. I will remember it.

Sliding two fingers into her proved to be all that was needed to bring her over the edge, and I smirked as I rose, sliding my own pants down, eyes on her as she tugged her breast band free. She reached for me, and I grabbed her wrist. “I want to feel you around me,” I murmured, rewarded with one of her gorgeous flushes.

Leaning down to kiss her again I gently maneuvered her back to the bed. Pausing, I swept her off her feet, giving her another kiss when she turned her head toward me and gently putting her down on the bed. Straddling her I licked my lips as I looked down. Fuck, you’re a picture. I groaned, memorizing the way her hair spread out underneath her, her flushed cheeks, and sparkling eyes. Pressing lightly against her entrance I lifted an eyebrow, waiting for her slight nod before slowly easing into her, closing my eyes with a low groan as she tightened around me, silky smooth. Fuck, you’re perfect.

Pulling out halfway I thrust a touch harder, rewarded with a small sound of pleasure. Leaning forward I trailed kisses along her throat, pacing myself, trying to control my urge to move quickly. Moving my head, I carefully traced along her jaw, licking, and nipping as she bucked her hips against mine, tightening even further around me, letting out a gasping cry. “Kaidan," she breathed. “Fuck.”

I laughed, picking up the pace just a bit as I tracked my lips back to hers, lifting my head to look down at her before picking up my pace again, letting out a small grunt as she met my pace easily, eagerly, as I neared my climax. Ducking my head down I pressed my lips to hers as I thrust one last time and held, shuddering as I climaxed. Divines that was incredible. I smiled, moving my upper body back some, bracing myself on my hands as I looked down at her. She returned my gaze, a soft smile on her kiss swollen lips, her eyes bright, her skin flushed. Fuck, you’re a sight. I shifted my weight, reaching a hand up to trace her cheek. “You are a sight,” I murmured. “So fucking gorgeous.”

She flushed further and I let out a soft laugh. “Yes,” I said, cutting off any potential protest. Shifting my weight, I pulled out and dropped to the bed next to her. “I don’t know about you, but I think I will sleep very well after that,” I said, turning on my side to look at her, feeling warmed and more than a bit satisfied.

Turning to face me she reached out a hand and moved her fingertips along my cheek, a gentle smile still on her lips. “How could I not?” She asked, leaning in to kiss me again.

This… This is right. I sighed, reaching for the blankets as she pressed into me. I’ve never felt so at peace after sex before. Wrapping my arms around her, I kissed her forehead. “Sleep well beautiful.”

She made a soft sound in the back of her throat, her breathing telling me she was already half asleep. 

Divines willing, you won ’t have nightmares tonight. Even with everything you’ve remembered. But, if you do, I’ll be here.

Chapter Text

Silka: Falkreath

A sharp knock at the door pierced my dreams and I jerked awake, heart accelerating. Kaidan’s arms tightened around me then eased as he gained consciousness as well.

“Stay here? I can see who it is," he said, releasing his hold on me to roll out of the bed.

Sitting up, clutching the blankets to me I frowned. “Hand me my clothes and I can start dressing under the blanket.”

He nodded, tossing them to me and I started quickly applying smallclothes as he crossed to the door, foregoing his shirt and armor, sword in his hand, and I paused for a half second to admire his muscles, my mind on the previous night. Focus Silka.

Wiggling my pants on as he opened the door a crack I slipped out of the bed, pulling my shirt over my head as he sighed and opened the door wider to admit Nevian and Delacourt. Pulling my hair out of my shirt I studied Nevian. I know you. And Fuck it feels good to know you.

“Nevian,” I greeted, not bothering to raise my voice. “Fuck. What happened to your face?” I asked, realizing now that the scarring was new in the last six years.

He crossed the room in three strides and pulled me into a bone-crushing hug. “You remember me," he whispered, his voice cracking.

“Yes,” I responded. “But that’s not an answer.”

He shook his head as he dropped me back to my feet. “An exchange of information?” He suggested. “You tell me why you left, I’ll tell you what happened to my face?”

I felt my breath quicken, a rushing sound in my ears as I stared at my twin. “Nev,” I started, flinching away from the memories of Daggvar’s claws, of his bed. My vision blurred and I swayed, feeling dizzy. “No,” I whispered. “I… can’t. I can’t. Don’t. Please. Please don’t.”

“Sil. I’m sorry,” Nev said, his voice barely audible over the noise in my head. “Sil. Sil. Listen. Listen.”

“If we’re lucky, you’ll conceive. Harder to run when you’re pregnant,” Daggvar mused, leaning back in his chair with a smile. “Or so I’ve heard.” I pressed my hands to my ears as if it could block out the memories, feeling my breath catch. “No,” I shook my head hard. “No. No. That’s. That’s a memory. He’s not. He’s not here.”

“Sil. Silka. Damnit. Snap out of it!” Nev ordered, changing to Akaviri. “Don’t give him this power over you.”

Rage warmed my limbs and I glared, taken aback when I realized that I was kneeling on the floor and Nev had his hands on my shoulders.

“What just happened?” I whispered, feeling foggy.

“You were remembering…” Nev started, loosening his grip slightly.

“Not that,” I snarled. “Why am I on the floor?”

“Oh. You did that. You uh, put your hands over your ears and started mumbling," he said slowly, watching me.

I felt my jaw set, pulling back from Nev and rising, pacing the room, narrowing my eyes at Delacourt when he gave me a sympathetic look, avoiding looking at Kaidan. Will it bother him? Will it make him leave?

“Food," Delacourt said. “Who’s hungry? I’ll go get breakfast. Yes. Good. I’ll be back," he said quickly, moving over to the door.

Pulling my hair over my shoulder I started twisting strands between my fingers, pacing back and forth. “What do you plan to do next?” Nev asked.

“We hadn’t discussed that yet. The focus was my Gods-Forsaken memories.”

“Sil,” Nev started. “Silka. I didn’t think. I’m sorry.”

Kaidan made a small sound in the back of his throat and I turned his way. “You didn’t think, when she had six years to tell you and didn’t, that it could be that bad?” He asked, glaring at my twin.

“We didn’t meet up in person much during that six years,” Nev pointed out. “I didn’t think it could be…”

“Well,” I sighed, exhaustion swamping me. “I don’t know what to tell you Nev.” Moving toward the bed I paused when Kaidan approached me, reaching a hand out toward me, offering something, I wasn’t entirely sure what. Taking a deep breath, I put my hand in his, letting him pull me to him. Tears started welling as I rested my head on his still bare chest, breathing in his scent.

“Silka. Did you not tell me because you were worried what I would do?” Nev asked, his tone screaming pain.

I shifted in Kaidan’s embrace. All I do lately is sob while he holds me. Won’t be long before he runs away. I wouldn’t blame him. “That’s exactly why Nev,” I responded, turning my head so my reply wouldn’t be muffled.

He closed his eyes, grief lining his face. “Sil.” He took a deep breath. “I’m. I’m going to see what’s taking Delacourt so long. Maybe get a sniff of the air. Check for… well. You know.”

“He doesn’t do raw emotions well,” Kai commented softly when the door closed behind him.

“He doesn’t,” I agreed. “He’ll have to face that someday. I know he’s got things hidden that I have no knowledge of as well.” I sighed. “I’m sorry I created such a burden for you. You’ve got so many heavy things in your past. I’m not sure it was fair to you.”

Kai’s arms tightened around me slightly and he rested his head on mine. “You didn’t have to trust me with any of your past. That you felt comfortable doing so…” He pulled back slightly, hooking his hand under my chin, lifting my head before sliding his hand to the side of my face. “Trust goes both ways. And knowing that you’ve been as honest with me as I have with you…” He shook his head. “It’s almost heady.”

“Have you traveled with many dishonest people?” I asked, trying to ease the mood a touch.

He smiled. “Some," he murmured, sliding his hand to the back of my head, and leaning in to brush his lips against mine.

Closing my eyes, I pressed into the kiss. Maybe he does want to stay. I trust him but there’s still fear that he’ll leave. And I’m not entirely sure why. He wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me closer. Drawing back after a long moment I smiled up at him. “We should figure out where we’re going from here,” I suggested. Thank you. That helped. And that’s a little scary itself.

“We need to get to that ruin yes?” He asked, running his fingers along the side of my jaw, making me shiver.

“Mmm,” I responded, shaking my head. “Stop that. You’re making it really hard for me to think.”

“Am I?” He asked, his voice low, sliding his hand back into my hair, lowering his mouth to my jaw and skimming his teeth along it gently. My nerves hummed and arousal shot straight to my groin.

Letting out a soft moan I tilted my head, giving him easier access as he ran his lips along my neck. “Mm,” I breathed. “You’re right. Thinking is overrated.”

He laughed softly, lifting his head to meet my eyes, his smoldering.  Someone rapped lightly at the door and I sighed.

“Damn it," he murmured, pressing his lips lightly to mine before releasing me and crossing to the door.

I let out a long breath, working through my emotions. I’m more settled. But I can’t rely on someone else to help me next time. I’m going to have to wrack my brains for how I dealt with this previously.

Moving over to the chair as Nev and Delacourt came in I started pulling my boots on. “You asked our plan past Falkreath,” I said, accepting the wrapped parcel from Delacourt as Nev put a full mug of water next to me. “We need to go to Morthal, but I’d like to go through Riften first.”

“Why is that?” Del asked, perching on the end of the bed, unwrapping a turnover.

“I have contacts in Riften,” I said. “They can give me information on almost anything.”

“That’s true. You’ll need to steer clear of…” He glanced at Nev and Kai. “Well, you know who you need to avoid. Word is he’s trying to drip poison into people’s ears about you, but most don’t believe it yet. So, mind yourself when you go down there.”

“Is this someone we’re likely to run into?” Kaidan asked slowly.

I took a sip of water and considered the question. “It’s a risk. But I think the information we can glean will be worth it. Plus, two of my contacts are likely to know exactly where he is. Makes it easier to avoid him.”

“Who is this person you won’t name?” Nev asked, his eyes narrowed.

“Someone I met about six years ago,” I said mildly. You would not approve. You don’t like thieves. Or didn’t.

“Speaking of contact in Riften,” Del piped up. “That Khajiit you worked with is trying to find you.”

“Is he?” I asked, furrowing my brow.

“He doesn’t name himself, but the writing pattern is identical to what you showed us. Seems he convinced the guards to arrest him for murder, but no one knows who he supposedly killed.”

“When did he do that?”

“About the same time you reached Solitude.”

Ohhh. Oh damn. “Best go see him then. Give him some closure. Damn. Damn that sucks.” I shook my head as Nev made a face.

“Silka. He tried to murder you.”

“Only because of the Skooma,” I responded dismissively. I turned to Kaidan. “What do you think?”

“I don’t like the idea of going somewhere you know could mean trouble. But I have a few contacts myself down there. Retired. No risk of their trying to get their hands on the reward. I also have a couple favors I can call in.”

“You were the swordsman who cleared out Cragslane Cavern for the Jarl there, weren’t you?” Delacourt asked, grinning at the surprised look Kai gave him. “Bards know a great deal more than you’d expect.” He turned to me. “Speaking of. Anytime you run into Talsgar try and have a chat with him. He can give you any rumors he’s found on the road.”

“What about M’aiq?” I asked, grinning at the sound he made.

“M’aiq would be the first to tell you not to believe anything he says," he pointed out.

“Yes, but he often has good insights.”

He sighed heavily. “Speak to him at your own discretion.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a letter. “Here. This gives you the authorization to play at any inn in Skyrim. Show it to the attendant bard and the innkeeper. Might as well get some experience out of this.”

I nodded, taking it from him. “I suppose most of them won’t mind if I play during the slower hours. At least until I get my equilibrium back.”

Delacourt sighed. “Indeed," he agreed. “May that day come swiftly. What do you plan to do for instrument?”

“I can help with that,” Nev said, moving swiftly to the door. “Not sure why I left it in my room.”

“He promised to bring me a lute,” I explained when Del shot a confused look at the door.

“Ah. Excellent. You think you can avoid Frey down there?” He asked. “He’s been trying to spread the word that you double-crossed him.”

I snorted. “Impossible to double-cross someone you’ve never gone on a job with. Wonder how many of the others believe it. I’ll have to ask Brynjolf.”

He shook his head. “None. But that’s among the thieves, he’s got Haelga of the bordel repeating it.”

“Haelga will repeat any rumor, if she thinks it will take heat off of her activities,” I responded. “And technically it’s a bunkhouse.”

Del gave me a level look while I tried not to laugh. “Technically.”

“Wenches are tough Delacourt. You’d be hard pressed to find one who would put up with a mistress like Haelga.”

“Can’t argue that point," he agreed as Kaidan raised an eyebrow.

“Thieves?” He asked, giving me a long look.

“I never joined the Guild. Which may be part of why Frey feels like he can slander my name. I only did odd jobs for them.”

“Like what?”

“Mm, running goods, delving into a couple of ruins at one point. Little things. I wanted lessons in lock-picking and was short on coin. And then I started making friends and a name for myself as a delver. So, if a client wanted something out of an old ruin, they’d contact me. They knew I’d be good for it.”

“So why would this Frey double cross you?” He asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Mercer Frey.” I shook my head. “I don’t know. No one knows why Mercer Frey does what he does. He meddled in the job the Khajiit and I had. Sometimes I wonder if he arranged it.” I shook my head. “It didn’t end well. We finished it, but it was messier than it should have been and then of course the Khajiit shot me.”

“Sometimes I wonder if Frey didn’t disappear some of your companion’s stash,” Del muttered.

“Wouldn’t put it past him. But he had words with me when I ducked into the Cistern later that night. And I’m certain he paid the two mercs who jumped me when I headed out the next morning. Lucky for me I’m quick on my feet. That was when I decided to wash my hands of the place and head up to Solitude.”

“Why lock-picking lessons?” He asked.

Memories rushed me and I swayed on my feet as I tried to push them back.

“She can’t remove them without the key.” Daggvar murmured, “Just bring her food and send a runner to me if she tries to take off. She won’t be able to go far without her magic.”

“Yes sir.” The younger man agreed, his voice muffled past the door.

Daggvar sighed as he closed the door, crossing over to me, lifting my right arm to study the faintly glowing cuff he ’d snapped on my wrist. “One day you’ll teach me how you managed to foil both our Clairvoyance spells at once," he said, shaking his head at the sound I made in my throat. “You will. It will just take time.”

A strong smell pulled me free, and I spluttered, jerking away from it. Kai held me against his chest, his face concerned, as Delacourt pressed a cork into a small vial. “Used to keep this on hand for ladies at the court when fainting was in fashion," he said, giving me a half smile. “You didn’t have nearly as many problems when you were at the Bard’s College which suggests that you just need a little time.”

“I’m here,” Kai whispered, helping me to my feet as Nev came back in, holding a familiar instrument.

I stilled, feeling grief rush over me in a wave as he held out the lute. “You found it,” I murmured, taking it from him reverently, running my fingers lightly over it, welcoming the respite from memories of Daggvar.

“Grandfather’s lute," he agreed. “He’d have wanted you to have it. Especially with you writing songs about Blades and Akaviri. He’d have been proud of you Sil.”

I half smiled, wiping a tear away as I carefully inspected the strap. “You made the strap?” I asked.

He nodded. “Yes. The original was too worn. I worried it would fail if you needed to fight.” He sighed. “About fights. I heard what happened with the dragon. It’s the buzz of the city. So, you really are Dragonborn.”

“Yes.”

“Damnit. I wish I could travel with you. I wish it would be safe, but if I’m to leave the pack.” He took a deep breath. “I’d like to do it in a way to get them to come after me instead of you. Daggvar still defers to Sarlfi.”

I felt a shiver run through me at the name and closed my eyes, trying to even my breathing. “That’s good,” I managed, leaning into Kaidan when he came to my side, noting he’d put his armor on while we were talking.

“But. If you didn’t mind. I could tag along with you as far as Riften. You planning to take a carriage?”

“Probably the safer idea,” Kai murmured.

“Do you plan to get anyone else to travel with you?” Del asked thoughtfully. “I mean as the Dragonborn you might have to start actually… hunting dragons. Would be useful to have another pair of hands or two.”

“Like a mercenary?” I asked, settling the lute on the table before grabbing my leather cuirass.

“Not a mercenary,” Kaidan said quickly. “They’d be too tempted by the bounty.”

“I think you should find a scholar. And perhaps someone who can match you in stealth. I’m going to wager a guess that Kaidan here is not the quietest.”

“Why a scholar?” I asked.

“I’m thinking that perhaps they can take notes on the dragons. Perhaps disseminate information for others to use to better fight them. I’d suggest another bard but Viarmo would never authorize that,” Del explained.

“It might be a good idea,” I admitted, turning to Kai.

He was frowning but looked resigned. “Having backup to keep you safe does make sense," he said.

I smiled. You can’t be everywhere at once Kai. We’ll just have to get creative to spend time together. If… if this spark keeps up between us.

“Why would you need someone stealthy?” Nev asked curiously, mercifully breaking me from my thoughts.

“To spy on people. I doubt Kaidan would be comfortable with my sneaking to survey potential bounty hunters,” I said, tapping my fingers against my thigh. “If the Khajiit is clean. And if he feels remorse for what he did… I do remember him excelling at stealth and he was an excellent shot… most of the time.”

“Silka. He shot you!” Nev protested.

“How was he in close combat?” Kai asked, and I gave him a grateful look.

“Good. He carried a sword if I remember correctly. Sword and shield.”

“He. Shot. You.” Nev repeated, glaring at me.

“Yes. And then he had himself arrested for murder because he thought he killed me. That suggests it was the withdrawals,” I pointed out patiently.

“I’m definitely going with you to Riften then. If he smells off…” He gave me a look.

“Then I’ll leave him behind. I swear it.”

He relaxed his shoulders. “That leaves the scholar.”

“I may be able to help with that. There’s a scholar recently come to the Dead Man’s Drink. He’s green, but he has a good heart and he’s been desperate to find someone to escort him to a few Dwemer Ruins. He’ll pay, even. I can imagine he’d jump at the chance to study the Voice.”

“He can observe but that’s it,” I muttered, grimacing at the thought of someone studying me.

“Is he a mage?” Kai asked.

“He knows some spells but not many. I imagine he needs to practice those as well. Being from Cyrodiil he is likely sympathetic to the Imperial side of the Civil War so he may be able to speak to those soldiers as needed.”

“I’m not a Stormcloak,” I pointed out.

“No, but some Imperial soldiers have begun suspecting any Nord who doesn’t wear their armor of being at least a sympathizer," he explained, his expression grim.

“Good to know. I take it he’s not a Nord?” I asked. Damn, this war is getting out of hand. Will everyone be forced to choose a side? How can the Dragonborn be expected to choose one? I’d think the dragons should be a bit more of a concern.

“No. He’s an Imperial. Come on. I’ll introduce you.” He rose, moving toward the door then turned. “Kaidan, why don’t you hang back a moment. You might, spook him.”

Kai rolled his eyes but nodded. “I’ll get the gear brought down.”

“Lucien Flavius. At your service.” The blond Imperial said brightly.

I shook my head, taking in his apparel. We need to get you into some armor. Perhaps Balimund can be of assistance. Or Grelka. I considered the chipper man in front of me. Balimund. Grelka would skin him for breathing too cheerfully. “Technically you’ll be buying my services, so your phrasing is a bit off,” I pointed out.

“That’s very true uh… miss?”

I laughed. “I’m Silka. We’ll be traveling with Kaidan as well. And my brother Nevian as far as Riften,” I said, keeping my voice low although the inn was nearly empty.

“Oh, we’re going to Riften?”

“First. And then it’s to a Nordic ruin. We’ll discuss Dwemer ruins after we see how we get on together.”

“Sounds like an excellent plan," he said cheerfully. “But why not a Dwemer ruin first?”

“Dwemer ruins tend to be a lot more dangerous,” I explained, waving Kai and Nev over as they entered the taproom. “The taller man is Kaidan.”

“And the Redguard is your brother?” He asked.

“Yes. Do you need any more time here?”

He shook his head. “Five minutes to pack my bags.”

“Excellent. Meet us at the stables.”

Turning to Delacourt as he left, I lifted an eyebrow. “I would like to survive being Dragonborn.”

He guffawed. “Come on. He’s amusing.”

“He better be a quick learner because when you said green you meant it,” I grumbled.

“He’s sincere," he said seriously. “Trust me.” He smiled. “Travel safely Silka.”

I nodded, moving toward the door. This is going to be an interesting ride to Riften.

Chapter Text

Kaidan: Riften

The journey to Riften was surprisingly quiet, the only black mark on the otherwise peaceful trip was sleeping alone every night. I promised myself I’d accept whatever she wanted to give me. But damn is it hard. I looked up from the bit of dragon bone in my hand to see Silka approaching from the direction of a pond, her hair gleaming wetly in the firelight, and I ached to touch it. Tucking my knife away as she got closer, I felt words stick in my throat. I don’t want to ask if that was all. I don’t want to know if you only needed a distraction. You mean much more to me than that, but I fear finding out that you don’t feel the same.

“What are you working on there?” She asked cheerfully, dropping gracefully down next to me by the fire.

“Just a bit of carving,” I murmured, covering the bit of bone in my fist. “Your brother is getting along with Lucien quite well.”

“He is," she agreed. “I think he’ll be sorry to part ways when we reach Riften tomorrow," she added, pulling her hair over her shoulder to work at it with a comb.

I watched her for a long moment, soothed by the repetitive motions. “How have you been sleeping?” 

She sighed. “Not well. I’m sure you’ve guessed that by now.”

“Something about your falling asleep on my shoulder every day clued me in,” I agreed, worry itching under my skin. “Maybe it’s because you’re sleeping alone," I suggested, wondering if she could tell I was only half joking.

She laughed. “Maybe. I just…” She shot a glance toward where her brother was speaking with Lucien and the carriage driver. “I worry what will happen if we run into…” She swallowed hard.

“Daggvar,” I supplied. “You’re worried about what he’d do.”

She nodded, fiddling with her comb, her face drawn. “If he hurt you.”

“Silka. He’s going to have a problem with me traveling with you regardless,” I pointed out. “I knew about him before we…” I broke off as the carriage driver approached. Damnit. Finally getting a chance to talk… Turning my attention back to the carving as the driver greeted Silka, I considered it. It’s harder to carve than horker tusk. But… I glanced at her. If anyone could use a good luck charm, she could.

“Excuse me Kaidan. Did you need help with that?” Lucien asked, his tone too cheerful.

I looked up from my book with a frown. “Excuse me?”

“Your book. Did you need someone to read it to you?”

I felt my jaw tighten and narrowed my eyes at the Imperial. “I can read Lucien,” I growled.

“It’s just that… you’ve been staring at that page for some time now," he responded, that forced cheer still in his tone.

Carefully closing the book, I looked up at him. “Did you need something Lucien?” I asked, keeping my tone even through sheer force of will.

“I just wanted to get to know the other party members better," he protested.

“Is something the matter?” Silka’s voice floated across the nearly empty taproom and I felt warmth spread through my chest at the soothing tone. Turning in the chair I looked over at the inn’s stairs, watching her approach. Good morning beautiful.

“No nothing,” Lucien said quickly, backing away. “I’ll just go find Nevian and tell him it’s about time to go.”

“Please do," she responded, giving him a soft smile.

“He is a lot, isn’t he?” She asked when he headed up the stairs.

“It’s fine,” I told her, drinking in the sight of her, worried over the dark circles under her eyes. “I was hoping that spending the night in the inn would help you sleep better.”

“You and me both.”

“Nightmares?”

“Yes.” She sighed heavily. “Perhaps I should have taken you up on your offer," she murmured, reaching a hand up to brush a lock of hair out of her face.

I wish you had. I opened my mouth to ask her if there was a reason she hadn’t when the door opened and pair of shopkeepers entered, speaking loudly and the moment was lost. I watched her speak with the tavern wench, her shoulders low. I need to speak to you about Falkreath. I don’t want it to be the only time. Rising from my seat, I tucked the book under my arm and approached her as she accepted a small bundle of food. “Did you have anything you needed to get done before we speak with the Khajiit?”

She smiled up at me. “Nothing really. Just eating something.”

“I’ve been meaning to ask you. Since you got your memories back…” I frowned, trying to figure out how to word my question. “Is your magic safer?”

She nodded. “For the most part yes.”

“For the most part?”

“There are a handful of spells that I hadn’t finished learning. If I cast those, I’d backlash again. But I have a lot more spells remembered properly than I expected. If you’d like I can show them to you once we get on the road. Keep you from getting startled by them during combat.”

“Aye. That’s an excellent idea.” As much as I dislike magic, it would be good to know what you can do now. “Do you hope it is the same Khajiit?”

“Yes. If only because then I could give him closure that he hadn’t murdered me," she said. “I’m going to have to break away from the group at some point. Probably after our visit to Balimund.”

“Why is that?”

“I’ve got a few things I’m trying to get information on. I know I can count on you to be circumspect, but I’m not sure about Lucien and I know Nevian… has a temper.”

“Is that a common thing? Among… your family?” Among werewolves?

She stilled. “Among my family. Yes. Both of my brothers are quick to temper. Nevian not as much as… But is it a trait? Not necessarily.”

I frowned, reaching a hand out and grasping one of hers. “Hey. I’m here for you.” I hesitated. Just do it. You made it with her in mind. Reaching into my pocket I pulled out the dragon bone amulet I’d been working on. “I’m pretty decent when it comes to Scrimshaw, but it’s nothing terribly fancy.” I told her as she accepted it, turning it over in her free hand.

“It’s beautiful," she murmured, laying it flat on the table and tracing the carvings.

“It’s for you.” I squeezed her hand as she looked up at me, surprise on her face. “I figured that if anyone I knew needed a good luck charm, you did. And it’s from dragon bone. And since you’re the Dragonborn…” I trailed off, watching her closely.

She flushed, slipping her hand free of mine before picking it up to study it closely. “It’s gorgeous Kaidan. I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything,” I responded, almost giddy with relief at her acceptance.

Loosening the leather strip, she put it over her head, adjusting it so it sat comfortably. You have no idea how much you mean to me. It almost feels dishonest not telling you. But… I smiled as she gripped it tightly in her hand, rubbing her thumb over the carvings, a small smile on her face. I don’t want to lose you. 

“Thank you Kaidan. I’ll take good care of it.”

Reaching forward I grasped her hand again. “Yeah, of course,” I murmured. “Of course.”

Footsteps coming hurriedly down the stairs broke the moment and I reluctantly released her as Nevian, and Lucien approached. “Let’s go talk to that Khajiit,” Nevian grumbled, pausing as he looked between me and his sister. His eyes narrowed slightly when they fell on the amulet and he gave me a considering look as Silka and Lucien headed toward the door. “You had a chance to talk?” He asked.

I shook my head. “Not enough, no.”

“Keep trying.”

I inclined my head, pleased with the tacit approval.

Stepping out into the city streets Silka glanced around swiftly then started toward the Jarl’s keep at a fast pace. “Let’s get this done so we have time to see Balimund before lunchtime," she suggested.

“Are you certain you want a criminal to join us?” Lucien asked, his face twisted in distaste as we skirted the marketplace.

Silka paused and looked at him. “Hold off judgment until you meet him please.” She sighed. “Both of you," she added, eying Nevian.

Moving along she paused again, making a sign with her hands. I narrowed my eyes, scanning the people I could see, curious who she was talking to. Not seeing anyone making a sign back I made a mental note to ask her about it and followed her up the stairs to the keep. She didn’t head toward the main doors but moved to the right-hand side purposefully.

The prison guard rose at our approach. “Authorized personnel only," he started.

Silka’s stance changed, and I heard the smile in her voice. “I am allowed to be down here," she purred. “I’m here for the Khajiit.”

“Are you the one he claims to have killed?” He asked. “You seem familiar.”

“Possibly. That’s what I aim to find out. And…” She gestured behind her. “Insurance in case it was all a ploy and he’s not who he says he is.”

“Just. Don’t make a mess alright?” He asked, moving to unlock the door.

“Thank you.”

He leaned close to her and murmured something. She inclined her head slightly, passing him a small coin pouch before leading the way through the door. “Wait here," she said softly, moving into the next room without waiting for a response, standing on tiptoe to pull something from a box on the mantel.

“You here for the Khajiit?” A voice inside asked.

Silka turned to face the speaker and nodded slightly. “I am.”

“He’s off his rocker is that one. You watch yourself. Hate to see him actually kill someone.”

She huffed a small laugh and came back out. “Come on," she said softly.

She ’s nervous. But is it because she’s worried that she’ll recognize him? I should have asked.

The Khajiit didn’t bother looking up as we approached, talking instead to a dragonfly in a jar, his dark blue fur making him nearly invisible in the cell. “Well fuck.” Silka whispered, sticking the key in the lock, and shoving the door open, striding inside.

He looked up as we entered, and his eyes widened. “You're alive," he said, his eyes bright. “You’ve come to kill me?”

“Now why on Nirn would I do that?” Silka asked, crossing her arms over her chest, and rocking back on her heels.

“I shot you.”

She nodded. “Yes, that’s true, but you were so shaky from Skooma withdrawals that you didn’t manage to make it fatal.”

“You… knew?” He asked, his ears flattening, clear discomfort on his face.

“That you were addicted to Skooma? Yes. You can’t stick around Riften for long and not recognize the signs.”

“That’s… if you’re not here to kill me then why are you here?”

“I heard you were trying to find me. I wanted to find out why," she responded; her tone softer, more familiar. She was using her Bardic training. A different tone than she usually uses. Fascinating.

“I heard about an adventurer matching your description. But after what I did. I needed to see you. You were my friend. You wanted to be my friend. But… what I did. I expected you to take your revenge. I deserve it.” His voice echoed with anguish and I frowned as I studied him. He seems sincere.

“You still as good a shot as you were?” Silka asked gently.

“I… yes.”

“Good. My life has gotten a lot more complicated since we last worked together. Do you think you could face a dragon?”

“A… dragon?” He asked. “You mean...? You want me to travel with you?”

“Yes. If you want to make it up to me; help me fight some dragons.”

His eyes lit up and he rose. “Yes. Yes. That will be a fine way to repay my debt to you. I accept.” He looked past her to the rest of us. “Do they also owe you a debt?”

Silka laughed merrily. “No. I’m not so unlucky that I drag everyone who meets me into debt.”

Are you so sure about that? You are the Dragonborn. If you manage to fulfill your destiny … everyone in the world would owe you.

Nev scowled at the back of Silka’s head, and I suspected the conversation had not gone as he had planned. “What is your name?” He asked sharply.

“I am Inigo.”

“And Skooma. Do you still use it?”

He shook his head, a small hiss escaping him. “No. After what I did. No.”

Nevian sighed as Silka arched an eyebrow at him, a small smirk on her face before she turned back to the Khajiit. “Got any gear left? Or did it get confiscated?” She asked, glancing around the cell.

“I sold my armor to pay for my cell. But I did not sell my weapons.”

She hoped he would be clean and willing to join us. I wonder if Nevian will figure that out?

“Alright. We planned to visit Balimund anyway. Come on. This place gets on my nerves.”

He nodded, moving over to a chest to pull out a shirt and some weapons.

Nevian sighed heavily. “Alright. Well. My sister trusts you. That’ll have to be good enough.” He moved swiftly to my side as Silka headed toward the exit. “Watch him for me please," he whispered.

“Of course,” I agreed, watching Lucien introduce himself to Inigo.

“Working alone this could take, three or four hours. I do have a handful more orders I was working on,” Balimund said slowly, his eyes on Silka.

She sighed. “That is unfortunate. I suppose there’s nothing for it.”

The smith chuckled. “I wouldn’t necessarily say that. If I had an extra pair of hands…” He gave her a side-long glance and she grinned, wrinkling her nose.

“Alright. It’d be good to play around with fire again. Speaking of. What’s happening with your forge? It seems a bit dimmer than usual.”

He sighed. “Yes. I’ll explain why as we work.”

Satisfied that she was comfortable I moved to the edge of the marketplace, watching Nevian, Inigo and Lucien head toward the Pawned Prawn to see what gear they could find for Balimund to alter. And orders in for new gear for the both of them. Silka and Nevian both seem to trust the smith with this. Granted, he does have a decent reputation.

Feeling somewhat uncomfortable with the lack of armor I leaned against a wall near the market, watching Silka work. With her hair pulled back in a braid and a heavy leather apron protecting her front it was easy to believe she had done smith work before. A woman of many talents.

A whisper of movement nearby had me reaching for my sword. Looking to my left, I expected to spot a pickpocket, feeling my jaw tighten at the man who approached, dead silent. I do not like how softly you walk. Silka neglected to tell me you could walk without noise. Sizing him up openly as he did the same to me, I wished heartily for my armor. Glad I had been forewarned by Silka’s sketch I compared the man in front of me to the drawing. He was nearly my height, Nord, broader than Nevian with brown hair and bright blue eyes. First werewolf I’ve seen with blue eyes. Wonder if that matters at all. My sample size is decidedly small. Dressed in well fitted leather and chain armor, I noted the bow and the hilt of a sword just visible. Greatsword likely. Speaks to strength. Not surprising in a werewolf. There was a hard set around his jaw that kept me from easing up on my weapon just yet. His gaze flicked toward Balimund’s and he paused for a moment and I felt my fingers tighten on my sword at the look on his face. His jaw softening slightly and the hunger in his eyes setting my back up. What do you hope to gain by approaching in a city? More to the point. What do you hope to gain by approaching Me?

“She is beautiful, isn’t she?” He said, giving me a knowing look, a hint of anger burning in his eyes. He shook his head when I didn’t say anything. “Tell me. Are the rumors true? Is she Dragonborn?”

“Why would I tell you that?” I responded, not moving my hand from my sword. Information? There must be more to it than that.

He let out a soft laugh. “Fair. I’ll find out soon enough.” His eyes narrowed again. “She must not think much of you.”

I kept my face impassive, certain now that he was trying to rattle me. I could tell him to leave her alone, but I am certain his reaction would be derisive.

“Where is Nevian?” He asked and I couldn’t suppress the slight lift of my eyebrow. “You know what we are.” It was a statement and I frowned. “Or you’ll find out soon enough.” He amended. “If you see Nevian. Let him know Sarlfi is waiting for him to do the right thing.” His eyes narrowed. “And so am I.” He looked past me again, shaking his head. “How she could change so much in six years. Yet she is…” he sighed then gave me a half smile. “It’ll be good to have her beneath me again.”

Rage surged in my chest, and I bared a few inches of my blade.

He laughed and I scowled. Damnit. Took the bait.

“Oh, I won’t make a scene here.” He shook his head. “She makes friends too easily does my Silka.” Taking a step back he studied me for a moment. “You don’t spook easily. It will make for a more interesting fight.”

Turning sharply, he strode away, and I felt my knuckles whiten as I forced myself not to draw steel or grab my bow and put an arrow in his back. Looking back around toward Silka I frowned. I’m not certain if she saw. Did she look this way at all?

Moving over to the smithy I leaned against a wall there. Perhaps I should warn Nevian. He should be able to smell him when he comes out though right? I don’t want to leave her alone.

“Oh Kaidan!” Silka said, turning to smile at me. “Perfect timing. Balimund wanted you to put your gear on to check that we got that arrow hole repaired properly.”

Letting out a slow breath I glanced in the direction Daggvar had gone in before giving a small nod and putting my sword and bow carefully down on the smith’s workbench.

“That is a beautiful blade.” Balimund said. “Do you mind if I take a look?”

“Not at all,” I responded, accepting Silka’s help with my armor.

“Is something wrong?” She asked, looking up at me. “You seem tense.”

Feeling my jaw tighten, I stared down at her, Daggvar’s words echoing in my head. Taking a deep breath, glancing to see that Balimund was still looking over my weapons, I reached out and wrapped Silka into a tight embrace. Let him see. Let the Fucking bastard see.  

Chapter Text

Silka: Riften

Leaning into Kaidan’s embrace I frowned up at him. “What is it?” I murmured, worried by the tension in his shoulders.

He let out a long breath, loosening his embrace slightly. “I spoke with Daggvar," he whispered. “He’s here. As is Sarlfi.”

I felt my breath leave my lungs and fear clenched my gut. “When?”

“Just now. Before I came over.”

“Did he introduce himself?” Please be wrong. Please be wrong.

“No. But I recognized him from your sketches. He seemed to assume I would know about him.”

Fuck. “Why would he come here?” I shook my head. “No. We’ll talk about it later.” I nodded past him where Balimund was studiously studying Kai’s bow, giving us a moment.

“Yeah, sure," he responded, releasing me as he spoke.

“It’ll be alright,” I murmured. “I think we fixed it.” I laughed, flushing at the grin Balimund flashed at me.

He came closer and tapped the newly repaired metal, looking it over before nodding. “It’ll do," he agreed.

Kai moved past him to reclaim his weapons and I turned to the smith. “Was there anything else you needed help with?”

He shook his head. “No. You helped me get ahead on a couple of my orders. It was nice speaking with you again.”

“Likewise,” I agreed. “Now if you need help with whatever my brother brings back from the Prawn let me know. We do need to get moving out of the city.”

He nodded. “Understood.”

Pulling the apron off I hung it on the forge, watching Balimund get back to work, pleasant memories keeping my fear temporarily at bay. Turning away I considered the market. “I’ve got to talk to someone in the market. I’m hoping he can give us some good information.”

“Is he the one you signaled to on the way to the prison?” He asked, moving with me, his body still tense.

“No. That’s someone I’ll need to talk to in a little while,” I responded. Daggvar was here. He approached him. What is his plan? Why would he do that?

“Regrow that lost limb or make love like a Saber Cat.” The shopkeeper called, the bottle in his hands over large and gleaming in the sun.

I wonder how many people have bought any of that. Striding forward I shook my head at the man. “What’ve you got today Bryn?” I asked, grinning when he lowered the bottle to get a good look at me.

“Silka. It’s good to see you lass. And who’s this? Your bodyguard?” He eyed Kaidan then shook his head. “A Bounty Hunter? Interesting choice all things considered.”

I grimaced. “Yes. I heard.”

“Did you also hear that he’s in the city? He and your older brother both.”

“I heard,” I murmured, pushing the memories away again, feeling my breath quicken.

“How did you?” Kai asked, his eyes slightly narrowed.

Bryn grinned. “I like to know everything that goes on in Riften.” He frowned, glancing around. “And they met with Mercer.”

“They… why? They’re not… Well, Daggvar could probably manage but…” I frowned, trying to work it out. “It makes no sense.”

“Mercer’s been more and more secretive lately," he grumbled. “He’s up to something.”

“Be careful Bryn,” I murmured. “Anything else you can tell me?”

“Not that you don’t already know. Maul would be a better person to ask. I’ve been…” he shook his head. “Trying to keep things afloat.”

“Well, thanks anyway.” I told him, moving to step away.

“Silka. Be careful lass. And remember you’ve always got a place with us even if…”

Even if Mercer doesn’t accept me. I nodded. “I’ll keep that in mind. Let me know if you need any delving done, would you? I’ve a feeling I’ll be doing a lot more in the future anyway.”

Kaidan raised an eyebrow as Brynjolf nodded, turning back to his hawking.

“Why do you figure on more dungeon delving?” He murmured. “You think the Greybeards will send you after more artifacts?”

“Maybe. But I was thinking of that Word in Bleakfalls Barrow. Thinking maybe there could be more I could learn,” I explained, moving toward the docks.  

Stepping onto the docks I breathed in the air with a sigh of relief. “You alright?” Kai asked, reaching a hand toward me then pausing. With a half-smile I reached my hand out to join with his, comforted by the feeling of his fingers twined in mine. Daggvar has already approached him. That’s a threat whether he realizes that yet or not.

“I think so. For now. The memories are pressing but, I can’t fall apart with the current threat of him approaching.”

Making a soft noise of malcontent Kai drew me into a shadow and pulled me into him, giving me a light kiss, deepening it when I didn’t pull away, resting one hand on my lower back, the other on the back of my head. Pulling back, my cheeks flushed I smiled up at him. “Thank you, Kai,” I murmured, brushing fingers along his cheek.

“For what?” He asked, resting his hands on my waist, smiling down at me, his shoulders relaxed for the first time since he’d joined me at Balimund’s.

“For still wanting to be near me. For…” I sighed, shaking my head. “I don’t even know at this point.” Taking a deep breath, I leaned into him, feeling his hand brush my hair gently, tugging at the tie of the braid, smoothing my hair out of it, the motions lulling me into a calmness that teetered toward sleep. Shaking my head, I pulled back again. “You’re going to make me fall asleep,” I complained.

He laughed, brushing my hair back over my shoulder. “My apologies.” He sobered. “When did you say you needed to meet your contact? And more importantly, where?”

I shook my head. “I shouldn’t say where, just in case. But soon.”

He frowned and sighed. “I don’t think it’s a good idea. Is there anyone else you could contact?”

I frowned. “Maybe. But we’re already here. It feels like it would be a waste not to go.”

“Silka.” He hesitated then pulled me in close to him again. “I can’t protect you if I’m not with you," he murmured. “I can’t stop him if I’m not with you.”

“Kai.”

His arms tightened. “No. No. You know it’s a bad idea. What did you need to find out? We may be able to find some of my contacts.”

“I need information on the Thalmor,” I told him. “Maul’s not going to have that. He’ll be able to tell me if anyone’s taken a Dark Brotherhood contract out on anyone I know. And if anyone underground is in trouble. News about the Black-Briar’s. But he won’t be able to tell me anything about the Thalmor. I know my way around here Kai. And I can move silently.”

“And if you see him? Are you going to lose control like in Falkreath?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted, my voice low.

“We can find information about the Thalmor another way. Let’s just get out of Riften while we have the chance.”

“Kai.” Looking up at him I noted the worry on his face and lifted a hand to rest on his cheek.

“Don’t do that if you plan to try to sweet talk me.” He warned, lifting a hand to cover mine.

“Noted,” I agreed, then nodded toward a warehouse behind him. “Maul’s over there. He can give me some information as I said. And he can get word to my contact.”

Kaidan let out a deep breath, pulling my hand off his cheek and kissing the palm. “Thank you. That takes a load off my chest.”

At some point you will have to accept me putting myself in potentially dangerous situations. But you ’re right that doing it when we have other options is inordinately foolish.

Turning I led the way over to Maul, grinning as he straightened, his scowl softening. “Silka. It’s been a long time. What did you need?”

“Information.”

“You’ve come to the right place.”

I laughed. “I know.” Perching on the dock railing I counted out some coin. “Hmm. Information about the Dark Brotherhood,” I decided.

He shook his head, waving away the offered purse. “Been working for Maven bit more lately. I can afford to give you some information free.”

“I appreciate it but why?”

“Mercer said you double crossed him on a job. Offered me a great deal of money to spread that around. I figured it’d piss him off more if I instead decided to give you some information on the house.”

“Is that safe?”

“Do I care?”

“Fair enough.” I grinned. “Alright. So. Anything interesting about the Dark Brotherhood? And could you possibly tell Dirge next time you see him that something came up, so I’ll see him next time I’m in town.”

“What were you going to ask him about?”

“Thalmor.”

“Makes sense. As to the Brotherhood. Watch your step. I haven’t heard of a contract out on you yet but if you evade Bounty Hunters long enough what are the chances they’ll start popping up?”

I considered it, resting a leg on the barrier. “Not sure.”

“Well, watch your step anyway with the hunters. The price on your head is…” He let out a low whistle. “It’s big enough to lure out some of the elites.”

I wrinkled my nose and glanced at Kaidan. “You knew,” I accused.

“Yes. You remember running into Seetul just outside Falkreath?”

“The Argonian? Yes, I remember.”

“That’s how I found out.”

“You traveling together for the long haul?” Maul asked.

Kaidan nodded and Maul smiled. “That’s good. You’ve got a reputation. Oh. Interesting note. Grelod the Kind lost one of the kids in her care. Well, he ran away.”

“Oh? I’m not surprised.”

“Who is?” He considered it. “The Jarl maybe. He ran back to Windhelm. Heard he’s trying to contact the Dark Brotherhood.”

“What are the chances they’ll take the job?” I wondered, hopping back down.

“Low. There’s no way he’ll have much money.”

“Maybe I’ll stop and speak with him should we make our way to Windhelm,” I muttered.

“Take care of yourself Silka," he said, half smiling. “Spending the night or heading out before evening?”

“Not sure yet.”

“In that case I’ll assume not and head to the Ragged Flagon for an ale instead of the Bee and Barb. Give me a chance to talk to my brother.” He nodded at Kaidan. “Heard what you did for Wujeeta. Can’t say I’m unhappy to see less Skooma in the city. Makes my job a bit easier.” Brushing past him he headed back toward the city proper.

“A little surprised that he feels that way about Skooma.” Kai murmured.

“Maul has an interesting moral code but he’s pretty strict about it,” I told him, accepting his hand as I jumped down.

He smiled, pulling me in close to him again. “Hey beautiful," he murmured. “Thank you.”

“Let’s go find the rest of our group,” I suggested. “Make sure they haven’t run afoul of anyone.”

He nodded. “Agreed.”

Moving back toward the city proper I half turned and froze as I glanced up. Perching on the roof of the warehouse Maul had been leaning against was a figure from my nightmares. He rose, padding down to the edge of the roof and jumping down easily as Kaidan turned.

“Should have figured you’d look up," he said, looking me up and down slowly.

Wrestling with my fear I swallowed hard. Daggvar. What do you want? “It’s been a while,” I said softly. “Not long enough.”

He shook his head. “Is that any way to speak to your fiancé?” His eyes tracked to Kaidan and down to the grip the man had on my waist. “You seemed upset by what I said earlier," he mused, looking at Kai. “Remind me of what it was?”

“I will not,” Kai said sharply.

“I admit I’m disappointed. I expected you to have no memories of me. Seems Nevian was lying about that.”

Why would Nev tell him I’d forgotten him? Unless it was during an argument. I frowned, not trying to move from Kaidan’s grip even as I worried that he’d have trouble reacting to anything Daggvar might pull. “What makes you think he was lying?” I winced at the slightly breathy sound in my voice. I need to get a grip.

He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. “You remember me," he responded. “If you’d lost your memories as Nevian claimed then you wouldn’t. You’d have plenty of questions though.”

I stiffened. “Something like that,” I ground out. “Where’s Sarlfi anyway?”

“I lost track.”

“Bullshit.”

He laughed. “You know. Six years ago, that would have been accurate. But we’ve all changed since then.” He sobered, watching me. “Some of us have adopted strange ideas of liberty. Inappropriate ideas one might say. And some of us are starting to believe me when I tell them that you’ve always been sly.”

“I’m still not convinced.” A deep voice said from behind us.

More fear wrapped around me and I felt my muscles trembling as I stiffened further, half turning to see Sarlfi standing at the end of the pathway we were on. “Sounds like a personal problem,” I managed. If Kaidan wasn’t here I’d just dive into the water to get away. As it stands… Is this going to devolve into a fight?

“Nevian claims you got your memories back in Falkreath,” Sarlfi said, his arms crossed over his chest.

I studied him for a long moment, hating how similar we looked. “What did you do?”

“Nothing. This time. You have too many friends in this city. And I worried that would extend to Nev.” He tapped his bicep. “I didn’t think you were the type to wish death on someone though.”

I felt my jaw tighten. Don’t let him rile you. Kaidan is far from easy prey. And as he reminded me yesterday, he knew about Daggvar before we slept together. “No? And here I thought you’d met Daggvar.”

Daggvar snorted a laugh. “Why don’t you tell him what happened? I’m sure Nevian is curious as well.” He jerked his head toward the paths leading back to Riften.

I glanced to see that Nev stood with Lucien and Inigo flanking him. Oh good. They found some armor. “No.”

“You worried he’d do something stupid?” He baited.

“What are you hoping to gain?” I wondered, closing my eyes briefly as soon as the words left my mouth. Of course. If Nevian starts something. Then they were just defending themselves. But. I shook my head, tamping the memories firmly to the back of my mind. “Come on,” I murmured. “Let’s get out of here.” Turning my back on Daggvar, my instincts screaming at me that it was a bad idea, I walked straight toward Sarlfi, keeping my eyes locked on his as I approached. He lifted his eyebrow, a half smirk on his face. Pulling a spell up in my memory I considered it as I got closer, Kaidan at my shoulder. With a focus of power, I shifted him with a telekinesis spell, just enough for us to pass, daring him to say something with a look.

He shook his head. “Daggvar was right. You’ve got guts.”

“Goodbye Sarlfi.”

“You belong to him Sil. You do realize that yes?” He added as I half turned to look at him.

“I am not a member of your pack Sarlfi. I belong to myself.”

“Wishful thinking sister. Blood will call.”

“It has,” I agreed, thinking of Nev and our grandparents, turning the rest of the way to face him. “Or were you referring to our father’s blood only?”

He shook his head. “No. I was not thinking of blood ties. Although those are there. I was thinking of how many werewolves I’ll be able to rally to find you. Daggvar has a bounty out for you true. But…” He smiled. “All I have to do is spread the word that I’m looking for you. Where can you hide?”

“I’ll find a place. Don’t you worry,” I said, forcing my tone to sound light.

“It’s taken six years for you to track her down.” Nevian pointed out, moving to stand beside me.

“Yes, but there was hope she would do the appropriate thing and return home once she’d gotten a taste of the outside world.” Daggvar said.

“And now it’s even more dangerous. With the dragons and the Civil War,” Sarlfi added. “You’d be safer back with the pack.”

“Oh? As safe as I was before?” I laughed when he nodded. “You really have no clue how dangerous I made things for myself back there do you?” Looking over at Nev I shook my head. “You never told him?”

“About why you got taken off prisoner duty? No. It never got brought up," he said, grinning now himself as Lucien and Inigo watched curiously.

I sobered and looked back at the two werewolves. “I was no safer there,” I said flatly. “Besides. I like traveling. Wouldn’t have gone through all the trouble to attend the Bard’s College if I didn’t.”

“Not going to mention the patrols?” Daggvar asked.

“I assumed you told him,” I responded, daring to meet his eyes, forcing the fear behind a bravado I barely felt.

“There was no reason to. You have yet to explain how you managed to foil both of our spells at the same time. I would like to know.”

“Read a book,” I suggested. “Come on.” Turning away I grasped Nev’s arm briefly. “Let’s go,” I mouthed.

He nodded slightly and turned as well. “Bounty Hunter,” Daggvar said harshly. “I could pay you more than you’d see in a lifetime. You just have to do the right thing.”

I glanced over my shoulder to see the darkness on Kaidan’s face and felt peace ease my fear. He’s already made his choice.

“What are you going to do if you run into a dragon?” Sarlfi called.

“Go on ahead,” I murmured, “North gate.” Turning I studied him. “I’m not afraid of dragons Sarlfi.”

“So, it’s true then? The rumors?”

I glanced over at Kaidan. He shook his head slightly and I gave him a slight nod in return. “What rumors are those?”

“That you’re the Dragonborn.”

“That would certainly make my life more interesting,” I responded, moving back, and turning to push the gate open. Inside the walls I turned and walked swiftly through the tighter alleyways until I was certain we were alone then let myself slump, dropping my pack and bow before dropping to the ground. Immediately Kaidan crouched next to me. “Are you alright?”

I shook my head. “No. No I’m not. What’s to stop them from following us? There’s no reason for them to hold off out there. I’ll have to use the voice. And they’ll know. I barely kept my memories back this time. What’s to keep them from breaking through?”

He sighed, reaching a hand out toward me. Accepting it I let him pull me up. “I’ll be there with you. I won’t let him hurt you. Not again.”

“Don’t make promises like that Kai. We never know what might happen.”

He pulled me tightly to his chest, kissing the top of my head as I let myself sag against him. “I will protect you with everything I have," he whispered.

I let out a deep sigh, feeling tears prick the corners of my eyes as I closed them. I believe you. And Divines it makes me feel safe. Drawing back after a few more moments I wiped the tears from my eyes and lifted my gear. “Let’s get going.”

“Good to see you were able to find gear,” I said cheerfully as we joined the three men waiting just outside the North gate. “How does it feel Lucien?”

The Imperial tried to shrug and frowned. “Stiffer than I expected but lighter," he responded.

“What about you Inigo? Find anything that works for you?” I asked, noting the iron cuirass the Khajiit wore.

He shook his head. “It will work. For now. Do you worry about the two you spoke with on the docks?”

“To a point," I said. “But there’s work to be done.”

“Where are you heading now?” Nev asked, looking all around as we began walking.

“We’ll head up to Windhelm and get a carriage from there to Morthal,” I murmured. “It’s only about a week’s walk.”

“And you don’t want to put anyone else in danger.” He supplied; his voice low.

“That is a side effect of walking,” I agreed. “It’ll also be good training for Lucien.”

“And a good bonding experience," Lucien added cheerfully.

I stifled a laugh at the soft noise Kaidan made. Go easy on him. “That is true.” Inigo said.

“If I’m going to Solstheim then it would make sense for me to accompany you.”

“That’s true,” I agreed. “There is a ship out of Windhelm right?”

He nodded. “Yes.”

Chapter Text

Chapter 14: An Easy Pace

Kaidan: Outside of Riften

“So, what brought you to the Dragonborn’s side?” Inigo asked, scanning the trees as he joined me at the back of the group.

“Luck of the draw.” I responded, glancing at the woman in question, feeling worried. “You see anything?”

“No. Nor do I smell anything. If I were one of them, I would wait until we had stopped for the night.” He added. “Especially if they have good night vision.”

“What makes you think they would?” I asked, discomforted by the idea of facing two werewolves in the dark.

“Just listening to my nose.” He responded. “They smell like dog. As does Nevian.”

Silka laughed and I felt my breath catch, looking in her direction. “Maybe we should have taken a carriage.” How fast can Werewolves move?

“Perhaps.” Inigo agreed. “Although I believe that Silka worried about their being injured. And we do know this area well. In fact…” He trailed off; his eyes distant with thought. “Excuse me.” He moved away toward Silka.

I watched him for a half second before turning my attention back to the surrounding area. I don’t like how Daggvar looks at her. He can’t have her. She’s not a prize to collect. I considered Silka again. What will he do when he finds out she’s Dragonborn?

We’d traveled another three hours when Silka called a halt, smiling kindly at Lucien. “It’s alright. It takes time to get used to walking for long distances.” She said soothingly. “You’re doing great.”

“I feel like I’m slowing you down.” He protested, sitting on a stump.

Nev moved closer to him. “No, it’s fine.” He said quickly. “It’s good to take breaks. Even for the most seasoned travelers. If you’ve the strength we can go fetch some fresh water though. I think I hear a stream.”

“Alright.” He agreed, letting Nev pull him up.

“My friend.” Inigo called, moving toward Silka. “Did you want to take cover in one of the caves in this area? Or perhaps go into one of the ruins?”

She considered it, tapping her fingers against her arm scar. “It’s an idea. Cave would probably be safer. We know there won’t be a large amount of undead to deal with.”

“But there are also traps in Nordic ruins.” The Khajiit pointed out and I perked up, moving to join the conversation.

“That’s true.” Silka agreed. “But I do remember that you don’t really like Nordic ruins.”

He sighed, his ears flattening. “This is true.”

“Plus, do we really want to risk Lucien in a Nordic Ruin yet? He’s still…” She studied the Imperial as he headed back toward us, laughing at something Nevian told him. “Green.”

“Very green.” Inigo agreed.

“So, we’ll keep an eye out for a cave.” I murmured. “It’s a sound plan.” Easier to defend.

Silka smiled up at me and I stared down at her for a long moment. “Is something wrong?” She asked, tilting her head slightly.

Your werewolf fiancé is hunting you and has an exorbitantly large bounty out on your head. Yes, something is wrong. But I can’t say any of that can I? There is nowhere I could steal you away to where you would be safe. And you’re the Dragonborn. The world needs you. “Nothing that I want to share.” I responded, wincing when her cheeks reddened, and she glanced away. “Hey. Let’s just find that cave alright? We could all use a break.”

She studied me then smiled. “That’s true.”

Two hours later we were clearing out space for bedrolls in a spacious cave, Lucien worked silently next to Nev and I considered them for a moment. He’s not complaining at least. He is learning quickly. Looking toward the entrance I spotted Silka leaning against the rock, staring outside. Grabbing a bundle of debris, I walked her direction, dropping the sticks near the entrance. She startled then relaxed again, her expression serious.

“Where’d Inigo go?”

“He’s scouting.” She murmured, leaning her head against the rock.

“Are you doing alright?”

“Not particularly.” She responded then sighed heavily. “I’ll get there. Wish I dared play some music but… best not get distracted.”

Moving next to her I gently grasped her arm and tugged, lifting an eyebrow when she looked over at me. Her expression softened and she shifted her weight as I moved behind her, wrapping my arms around her middle, resting my head against hers. She leaned into me, putting her arms over mine. “I’ve got you.” I murmured.

She sighed, tilting her head slightly, her attention outside. After a long moment she spoke. “Thank you.”

I won’t let him have you. Not if I can help it. Wrestling momentarily with the knowledge that he could be watching us now I realized I wanted him to. I wanted him to see what she meant to me. I wanted him to see that she’d well and truly escaped his grasp. I want him to accept it. To let her go. But he’s been looking for her for six years. Not well to be sure, but… “How did you hide before?” I asked.

She shifted, glancing up at me, the flicker of fear on her face making me frown. “I…” She frowned. “I’ll tell you once Inigo is back. I want to focus. Just in case he gets into trouble.”

“I can wait.” I agreed, moving my face closer to her neck, inhaling deeply. You smell good. Closing my eyes, I pressed my lips gently against the side of her neck.

She reached a hand up and rested it on my cheek before shifting and looking up at me, her expression slightly troubled. “He rattled you. Didn’t he?” She murmured.

Sighing I studied her face for a moment. Did he? He certainly made me worry for your safety. “A little.” I responded. “He was trying to.”

“What did he tell you? That he wanted you to repeat?”

“Don’t worry about it.” I frowned, hearing his words echo in my head and realizing it was as much the words as the tone he’d used when uttering them. He’s convinced he’ll be able to take you from me. He’s convinced he’ll… I tightened my arms slightly, unwilling to dwell on it.

“Kai.” She said softly. “Daggvar is clever. He knows how to use his words to manipulate people into doing what he wants. He’s been doing it to Sarlfi for years. Only, Sarlfi knows about it and prefers it that way.”

I frowned, mulling over her words. “Tracks. He was looking for a reaction.” And I gave him one. Both times. “How did you deal with it?”

She shrugged then glanced toward the trees. A flicker of movement had me releasing her, relaxing when Inigo detached himself from a tree to approach us, his footsteps impossible to hear. “Well?” Silka asked as soon as he entered the cave.

“They are following.” He murmured. “They are stalking. Hunting. A few miles back.” He added, his eyes gleaming as he watched Silka’s face.

“So, they have a plan of attack then.” She muttered. “Alright. Well, this is going to take a lot of magicka.” Pulling her hair back from her face she tied it into a tail and stepped out of the cave. “How far out do you want it?”

“About here.” Inigo responded, stepping out with her, and pacing a bit away from the cave entrance. “Gives us room to walk around.”

“Alright.” She agreed, moving a few paces forward and sitting down cross-legged, resting her hands on her knees.

I watched her, certain that what she was about to use was magical in nature, and indeed I soon smelled magicka. A lot of magicka, feeling my eyes widen slightly as threads of silver and blue raced across the ground, thankfully stopping just outside of the cave entrance, snaking around to form a full circle with Silka at the middle of it.

“You can smell it as well, can’t you?” Inigo asked, looking out over the trees. “When she uses magic.” He clarified as he looked back.

“Yes.”

He nodded. “I thought so. The look on your face gave it away.”

“Are you familiar with what she’s doing?” I asked.

“Yes. She explained it to me once. At the time I thought I barely understood it because I was dealing with withdrawals. But now I think it’s merely that it is complicated.”

“She’s set alarm spells before. I thought she’d do that here.” I responded, quirking an eyebrow. So, it’s not just an alarm spell?

He shrugged. “She is setting multiple warnings.”

“Mixing spells? Is that safe?” I murmured, worry that she’d backlash at the forefront of my mind.

“She’s done it before.” Nevian said, coming up behind us with Lucien.

The Imperial’s eyes were wide as he watched the Dragonborn. “I need to ask her to teach me magic.” He murmured. “I’m not sure exactly what she’s doing but I can tell it’s taking a lot of power.”

I sighed, crossing my arms over my chest. I don’t like it. Another long moment passed when she shifted, uncrossing her legs, and rising gracefully, lifting her left hand I watched as the air shimmered above it and she turned her hand quickly, flicking her fingers toward the ground and the lights on the ground vanished. She turned and startled, her cheeks turning red. “I didn’t realize I had an audience.” She said, blushing further when Nevian laughed. “It’s not all that exciting what I was doing.”

“It took a lot of power though.” Lucien said briskly. “I could see that much. What were you doing if you don’t mind my asking?”

“I’ll tell you inside.” She responded, glancing up. “It looks like it might rain.”

I frowned, moving back, and following her in. She looked around a moment then shook her head and moved toward the back of the cave. “Ah, there it is. Nev. Did anyone clear this back area?” She called, hand on her axe as she seemed to vanish.

Startled I darted forward, realizing that the way the entrance to the side area was so perfectly matched to the back wall of the cave that none of us had noticed it. Silka was standing in the middle of it, looking around, a ball of shimmering light hovering near the ceiling. “It’s well hidden isn’t it?” She asked with a broad smile. “Inigo and I found it one night while dodging some bandits. I think I’ll sleep back here. But I’ll also answer the questions that seem to be brewing.”

“What was that spell?” Lucien asked.

“It was a handful of spells. A pair of alarm spells. One for physical threats, one for magic. A spell to deter wildlife that might look to take shelter. And… a chameleon spell to hide it all away.”

“And you managed to put them all in the same spot?” Lucien asked, awe in his voice.

“Well, sort of. I’m not sure if you saw the threads?” She waited for a nod. “Each of the different shades was a different spell. I just wove them together into one.”

“Isn’t that dangerous?”

“Can be. Mostly if you try to twine magic from different schools. All from the same school is a lot safer.”

“Who were those people?” Lucien asked. “What was the red headed man saying when he said he could hunt you down with werewolves? He didn’t mean real werewolves, did he?”

“He did.”

He blanched. “That’s… How do you know these people?”

Nevian sighed, scrubbing a hand on his face. “That’s what I was saying earlier. What I was hinting at. You know how you mentioned that my eyes are a strange color for a Redguard?”

“For a human at all yes.” He responded. “I just assumed you were part Altmer.”

Nev shook his head. “No. I’m a werewolf. The red head on the docks. Sarlfi. Is my half-brother. Silka’s half-brother as well. I’m the only one who doesn’t take after our father in looks.”

“So, are you a werewolf?” He asked, turning to Silka.

She shook her head. “It’s a long story. The other man who was there is also a werewolf.”

He shook his head. “I didn’t realize traveling with you would be so dangerous.”

“You didn’t think dragons are dangerous?” I asked, quirking an eyebrow.

“Not what I meant.” He responded, flushing. “I meant dangers outside of dragons.”

“Ah. Well. I had hoped I could continue avoiding them. I avoided them for six years with liberal applications of illusion magic and spending large amounts of time in Solitude. The entire pack has historically avoided Solitude. I think it has something to do with the court wizard.”

“Why would it have something to do with the court wizard?” He asked and I almost felt sorry for him.

Nev shrugged. “She’s a vampire. It would be harder for them to hide.”

“Oh.” He relaxed then grinned. “Nord politics are strange. I can’t wait to study them.”

“Let us get some rest.” Inigo suggested. “I am looking forward to my first night sleeping outside of Riften Jail.”

I smiled as they moved toward the larger cavern, looking back at Silka as she started setting up her bedroll. “Silka.”

“Mm?” She murmured, dropping down to her back on the bedding.

Feeling my heart rate pick up I walked over to her and straddled her, lowering myself to my knees as she propped her upper body up with her elbows. Reaching forward I slid my hand in her hair, tilting her head and kissing her, following her down as she relaxed back into the bedding with a muffled sound. Bracing myself on my arm so I wouldn’t crush her with my armor I kissed her again, trailing kisses down her throat, hardening as she moaned softly. Pulling myself back to my knees I studied her as she braced herself again, her cheeks flushed. “Been wanting to do that again since Falkreath.” I murmured.

Her flush deepened. “About Falkreath.”

“What about it?” I asked, worry biting at me.

“I… I’ve been puzzling over it. Was it just a spur of the moment…”?

I cut her off with another kiss, tangling my tongue with hers. I thought I was being plenty obvious. “No. The timing was unexpected. But…” I blew out a long breath. “Silka. Every time I look at you. Every time I touch you. I want more. Every time I kiss you it makes my blood burn. Falkreath. Falkreath did nothing to change that. It only made the flames burn hotter.” I sighed, pulling back some. “Why?”

“I…” She tilted her head slightly with her soft smile. “I just wanted to be sure. You.” She shook her head. “Your presence is soothing. And damn if I don’t want to kiss you every time I catch you looking.”

“You’re welcome to.” I murmured, chuckling when she flushed brightly again.

“I didn’t want to presume.” She responded, then frowned, looking away. “And I… didn’t want you to think less of me after you found out about Daggvar. Found out everything I mean.”

Moving to her side I sat, cupping her cheek, turning her head toward me. “Silka. Look. What he did wasn’t your fault.”

“I could have prevented it.” She responded. “Or at least postponed it. But…” She sighed, working at her armor straps. People would have died.”

“Did he manipulate you?” I asked softly. “Threaten others to get you to…”

She cut me off. “No. I might have preferred it if he had. No. Daggvar alluded to it. When he asked about me telling Sarlfi about the patrols. And it’s tangentially related to what Nev mentioned about prisoner duty.”

“Did your pack see a lot of prisoners?”

“It varied; but I started drugging them so they couldn’t feel pain. The Hagravens were using them for rituals, and since I couldn’t release them, it was the best I could do. They eventually found out, but my restoration ability made them hesitant to kill me. So, they just banned me from approaching them and then, a few months later, when some of the patrol leaders realized I was adept with illusion magic I was tapped to guide patrols to neighboring towns and villages for supplies. For all that werewolves have a wonderful sense of smell, they tend to get lost.” She frowned thoughtfully. “Like a hound dog that’s found a scent and refuses to stop following it even if it leads them fifty miles in the wrong direction.”

Setting her armor to the side she rested her head on her knees. “It went fine for almost a year. And then one of the villages shorted us some supplies. And they decided the next time I guided them there that it would be a raid. I didn’t dare outright refuse but I managed to tamper with my own clairvoyance spell, so it got us hopelessly lost. It was brushed off.”

“No one suspected you?” I asked.

“Not at first. It was easy to blame it on wards. I’m not the only one who can set wards that react only to dangerous intentions. There are ways to get around it though, but the patrol leader didn’t know that.”

“What happened?”

“When Sarlfi and Nev headed toward the college, Daggvar offered to join the patrol. The patrol leader was ecstatic. I was… less enthused.” She frowned, going silent, her gaze distant and I wrestled with the urge to tell her to stop. She needs to get it out. She needs to talk about it.

“When the time came for me to snarl my pathfinding I almost choked. I knew Daggvar would be able to tell that I was the one affecting it. Especially since I had to snarl his as well. But…” She shook her head. “I’ve seen what happens when werewolves attack a village. I wasn’t about to let that happen. The patrol leader was disappointed but Daggvar told him not to worry, that he was hoping it would fail so he could study it.”

Brushing a strand of hair gently out of her face I turned my attention to my own armor. “Did he confront you?”

“Yes. He told me he knew I was affecting the spells. And then he told me that he’d worked out a marriage contract with my father. I…” She laughed, a sharp bitter sound. “I told him to Fuck off.”

“I take it that didn’t go over well?”

“No. He hit me with a sleep spell. And when I woke up…” She trailed off. “When I woke up.”

I cupped her cheek again, frowning over the panic I could see in her eyes. “Hey, you don’t have to tell me details. Not if it’s too distressing.”

She gave me a grateful look then anger flared. “It took me five days to pick the locks on the suppressing cuffs. Five days Kai. I’ve never felt so pathetic in my life.”

“Suppressing cuffs?” I asked softly, feeling my own temper flare. He imprisoned you? Hurting you wasn’t enough for him?

“They block magical abilities.” She replied with a heavy sigh. 

“All magical abilities?” I asked, knowing I wouldn’t like the answer.

“Yes.”

“So, he kept you from healing yourself? Why?” I could hear the anger in my voice and tried to rein it in. Just listen. Just listen. She needs you to listen but damn if I don’t want to go hunt him down.

“He didn’t say.” She responded. “But… it was evident he wanted my back to scar. Considering…”

“Considering what?” I asked, moving closer, pulling her against me, giving in to the urge to shelter her.

“Considering he took three days to do them.” She whispered; her voice barely audible. 

I tried to bite back my rage, feeling my arms tremble and a small sound escape. I should have sunk an arrow into his chest. I should have killed him. “But you did escape.” I murmured, choking back the anger as I stroked her hair. Kissing the top of her head when she leaned into me. “You got away.”

She pulled back, looking up at me. “I suppose that’s true. I’m just glad I didn’t have flashbacks today. But I suspect it’s because he’s too close.”

“As to your earlier comment.” I shook my head, sliding my fingers along her face, tracing her jaw, watching her relax slightly. “No. I would never think less of you. Not for that. Never for that.”

She gave me a watery smile. “Kai.” She whispered. “Divines. I swear all I do is cry. You’re going to get sick of it one of these days.”

I chuckled and shook my head. “It’s fine Silka.” I assured her. “I can’t imagine how I’d react if I had to relive everything I’ve lived all at once. You’re doing fine.”

Her smile softened, the gentle smile that constricted my breathing shining through the tears and fear. Leaning into me again she let out a long sigh. “Hold me. Please. Please hold me tonight.”

“Of course.” I murmured. “All you had to do was ask.”

Chapter Text

Chapter Fifteen: Dragon Vs. Werewolf

Silka: Between Riften and Windhelm

Tucking myself as tightly against Kaidan as I could manage, I breathed in his scent gratefully, closing my eyes, trying to will myself to sleep. “Kai.” I whispered.

“Mm?” He murmured, shifting slightly.

I lifted myself up some, glancing up for the others before looking over at him. “I…” Shaking my head, I leaned in and kissed him, feeling arousal warm my body as he returned the kiss, bringing his hand up to tangle in my hair, shifting his body so he was leaning over me.

“What is it?” He asked, his eyes smoldering with a heat that made me shiver.

I smiled up at him, reaching fingertips up to trace his jaw. “How is it that you make me feel so safe?” I wondered.

He caught my hand, holding it against his face, looking pleased. “Silka.” He whispered. “I would do anything to keep you safe. No matter the cost.”

“Part of me feels like I shouldn’t accept that, but...” Levering myself up slightly I kissed him again, biting back a moan as he trailed kisses along my jaw, skimming with teeth and lips. “I can’t think when you do that.” I complained when he shifted again.

“Is that so?” He asked, grinning down at me before ducking his head down to the other side of my jaw and giving it the same treatment as I squirmed under him.

“What do I need to do to make you feel the same?” I muttered, sliding strands of his hair between my fingertips.

He let out a soft huff of laughter, lifting his head to look down at me. “Breathe.”

I felt my brow furrow slightly, “What does that…” I flushed, feeling pleased yet overwhelmed. “Kaidan.” I murmured, feeling my cheeks flame. “That’s…”

He lowered his head down again, pressing an open-mouthed kiss to the side of my neck, nipping lightly, making my thoughts scatter. I arched my body into his, hearing him let out a small moan that changed into a deep growl as he pulled away after a long moment. His eyes roved over me and he leaned in, kissing me hard on the mouth, bringing his hand down from my hair to stroke along my side, sliding quickly under my shirt, working my breastband loose with his fingers. “Silka.” He murmured. “Silka.”

Sliding my hands under his shirt I closed my eyes, skimming nails lightly across his chest as he lightly pinched one of my nipples, muffling my sounds with his mouth. Feeling frustration rising at the slow pace I dragged my fingers down to the waist of his pants, sliding a hand in, skimming nails along his thigh as he shuddered, letting out a guttural sound as I ran my hand along his cock.

“Fuck. Silka.” He groaned, keeping his voice low. Taking a deep breath, he moved his hand from my breasts to my pants, working the ties free one handed. He didn’t give me much time to be impressed by his dexterity before he was teasing around my clit, the indirect pressure making me shudder as I tried to focus on his cock, using drops of precum as lubrication.

After a moment he let out a low moan and pulled his hand free, grasping my arm. “I want to be inside you.” He whispered. “I want to feel you around me again.”

“A sound idea.” I responded, hearing the arousal thickening my voice as I pulled my hand free. Giving him a wicked grin, I swiftly moved my hands to his pants and pulled them carefully down, squirming out from under him before he could touch mine and wrapping my lips around his cock, taking as much as I could handle into my mouth.

He hissed and moaned. “Not…” He panted. “What I meant.”

I am very aware of that. Looking up at him as best I could I bobbed my head, taking more of his cock into my mouth as I came back down, doing my level best to deep throat as he made guttural sounds. As he shuddered, he carefully knotted his fingers in my hair and pulled my head back. Meeting my eyes, his heavy with arousal, he shook his head. “I want…” With a muttered oath he pulled my shirt off, following it with his as my breast band fell loose, gently pushing me back onto the bedding before pulling my pants and small clothes off.

Looking down at me he smirked. “Turnabout is fair play.” He murmured, shifting, dropping down and burying his face between my thighs.

Digging my fingers into the bedding I muffled my cry of pleasure as he slid his tongue in my folds, panting for breath as he turned his attention to my clit for a moment before lifting his body and straddling me, reaching down, rubbing the pad of his thumb over my clit, his expression amused as I squirmed and bit back another cry before he thrust into me, the sudden fullness pushing me hard toward the edge. I fisted my hands in the bedding, moaning under my breath as his thrusts gained weight and speed. He brought his thumb back to my clit and brushed against it and I tightened around him, shuddering as I came undone. He thrust through my orgasm as I lifted my legs to wrap around him, shifting my hips to match each motion, watching his face as he reached his own release.

He leaned over me, panting for breath, a thin sheen of sweat shining on his skin as he gently ran fingertips along my jaw as I slowly lowered my still shaking legs.

Leaning in he kissed me lightly on the lips, brushing the backs of his fingers against my cheek. Sliding down to the bedding he wrapped himself around me, tucking me against him as I hummed low in my throat, feeling secure and sated. Pulling the blankets up over us I snuggled back against him. “Goodnight Kaidan.” I murmured.

“Sleep well, beautiful.”

A feeling of wrongness woke me, and I shifted carefully away from Kaidan, dressing quickly. Padding quietly through the main cavern I frowned, counting the sleeping members, relieved to count three shapes, half smiling to see that Nevian and Lucien were sharing a sleeping space.

The feeling came again, accompanied by a familiar sensation in my chest. Dragon nearby. But what is feeling wrong? It’s from my wards. It’s almost like someone is… tapping at them.

Letting my newly remembered stoneflesh spell dance around my fingertips I stepped outside, shivering slightly in the cool damp air. Stepping to about the center of my wards I tilted my head, studying the aurora above me.

“One of my biggest regrets is not recognizing that you’d manage to talk that young wolf into letting you go free.”

Looking down from the sky with a frown and a sigh I made out Daggvar’s lean form among the trees. A flash of light seared my night vision away and I blinked back spots, wiping tears away from smarting eyes as the werewolf settled a small light spell in the tree branches above him.

“You must really want to talk if you’re giving me a light spell to see you by.” I murmured. “It’s not necessary.”

He smirked. “Oh?”

“No. As to the wolf. What makes you think I got him to let me free? I know you’ve been in contact with Mercer Frey. So, you know I’ve got ties with the Thieves Guild.” I considered it. “Although it’s possible that Frey has no idea what I worked out with Brynjolf.”

“Perhaps not. He said nothing about your having a deal with his second.” He responded, “Not going to extrapolate on your not needing candlelight comment?”

“Mm, no. I noticed you opted not to completely trigger my wards. Just played with them.”

He smiled, leaning against a tree. “Seemed the best way to lure you out without alerting your traveling companions.” He sniffed the air and frowned. “If the wolf didn’t free you. Who did? Nevian wasn’t anywhere near the pack. And I know I didn’t leave anything available for you to escape with.”

Folding my arms over my chest I studied him. “It doesn’t seem like a good idea to tell you. Since Mercer didn’t tell you, I think I’ll keep that secret.”

“Worried you might need it again?” He asked, this smile darker.

Yes. The dragon sense warmed my chest again and I absently brushed my fingertips over the spot. I do wonder how you and Sarlfi would fare against a dragon.

“You alright love?” He asked, genuine concern on his face.

“Don’t call me that.” I grumbled, narrowing my eyes. “I’m fine.”

He snorted, shaking his head. “Did you truly think you could avoid me forever?”

“It’s been six years Daggvar. Why wouldn’t I?” I considered him. “Why the renewed interest? Twelve months of not even a poster and now… what changed?”

“You left Solitude. You left the protection of the city. Seemed the best time for it.” He shrugged. “Not to mention the lack of Thalmor on the roads meant I lost my best chance to spy on you.”

I frowned, working through his words. “So, you were behind the increase of Thalmor coming to talk at Viarmo?”

“Not completely. But it was a simple matter to attach a spying spell to one of their agents.”

“Solitude is a fair bit away from the pack. A spell like that requires one be closer. Can’t imagine my brother was thrilled to have you wandering off like that consistently.”

“He adapted.” He frowned, tapping fingers on his arm. “I am sorry that they got a hold of you. You might be pleased to know that I had words with your father about that.”

“Considering what you did to me you’ll find gratitude in short supply.”

With a snort he shook his head. “Tell me something Silka. Are the rumors true? Are you the Dragonborn?”

“Why do you ask?”

“Because your companion wouldn’t tell me.” He narrowed his eyes, straightening and I pulled the stoneflesh spell back to my fingertips, noting the change in energy.

“That’s fine.” I retorted.

“You smell like him.” He snarled, his face twisting with rage. “Makes me wonder. Should I make him watch when I bed you again, and then kill him? Or just kill him outright?”

Fury warmed me and I let my free hand fall to my hand axe, feeling another sense of the dragon. It’s getting closer.

He grimaced. “I’ve been waiting. I’ve been waiting for you to come to your senses.” Reaching his hands up he rested one hand on his sword hilt, the other lifting, a spell shimmering above his fingertips. “Six Years I’ve been waiting and then. When you finally stop hiding you ally yourself with one of the best Bounty Hunters in Skyrim and start sleeping with him, so he won’t turn you in.”

Not exactly how it happened. “Why would I go back there? What good is back there for me?” I spat. “You talk about me coming to my senses. Perhaps you should come to yours.” The ache in my chest was steadily growing stronger and I wondered if I should wake the others or see if Daggvar would try to fight the dragon himself. Might be a good way to get rid of him.

“Silka. You belong to me. I shielded you when I could have told your father the truth about the patrols.” He sighed, dropping his hand from the hilt of his sword. “You’re mine. I don’t know how I could make that clearer than I already have.” 

“I don’t belong to anyone Daggvar.” I snapped, pushing back memories, discomforted by the pleading in his voice.

He laughed. “I’m sure your Bounty Hunter would love to hear that.” Sobering; his gaze slightly less predatory, he twined another spell around his fingers. “I’ll be honest with you love. He’s going to make for an interesting fight. Unless I bring Sarlfi into it. Not much can fight that man…” He trailed off, turning his head, looking up. “What is that sound?” He hissed; his voice low enough that I wasn’t sure he intended for me to hear.

“Dragon probably.” I responded, half smiling when he looked at me. “Seems like a sensible guess if you don’t recognize it.”

He straightened. “Silka. I’m going to make you a proposition.”

“Oh?”

He nodded. “You come back with me. Quietly. And I won’t kill your lover in front of you.”

“The way you phrase that makes it seem like you intend to kill him anyway.” And no.

“I do.” He turned his head slightly, looking toward the cave entrance. “He knows what I am and yet he still chose to sleep with you. What else am I supposed to do?”

“You could try leaving me the Fuck alone.” I suggested, letting acid coat my words.

His gaze flicked back toward me. “I do wonder... Just how fast is he?”

I caught the barest promise of movement and with a half thought and a glance toward the road Shouted “Wuld!” Spinning around at the end of the Whirlwind Sprint as my alarm spells went off, I flicked the stoneflesh spell out, seeing the dragon now, fear seizing my breath as I spotted Kaidan standing between me and Daggvar, sword out, blocking a strike from the werewolf.

Pulling my bow off my back I hesitated between targets as Nevian dashed out of the cave with Inigo and Lucien stumbling out after him, Sarlfi spilling out of the trees on the other side of the clearing. With an echoing cry the dragon hovered over the group of people and with an oath I let an arrow fly toward it. Immediately its attention shifted, and it homed in on me, spitting fire my direction.

Casting a warding spell as I dodged the heat, I watched it nervously, hoping I wasn’t putting myself in danger from the werewolves as it flapped away to circle. Thank the divines it rained last night.

“What in Oblivion?” Sarlfi yelled, the anger in his voice nearly distracting me.

“It’s a dragon Sarlfi. Or haven’t you heard that they’re back?” Nevian responded, laughing when our brother let out a string of expletives as the dragon came back around, still focused on me.

I loosed another arrow as it landed heavily in the clearing, scattering the people inside. Tossing my bow to the side I drew my pick and powered an alteration spell into the ground, watching spines of dirt and wood race along the ground between me and the advancing dragon, eying it critically as it stumbled on them. Running forward I sidestepped a snap of its jaws easily, dropping the edge of my axe blade on its head as I heard a werewolf howl echo across the clearing. Darting backward I hazarded a glance as the dragon clumsily took off, just dodging a swipe from the large reddish wolf. Sarlfi. Should’ve guessed.

Glancing quickly around as it circled again, I frowned at the sword in Lucien’s hand. “Lucien! Magic!” I called.

He glanced my way and gave me a frightened nod, sheathing his blade, frosty white magic flaring around his hands as the dragon came in again.

“Smelly beast!” Inigo called, firing another shot at it, Nevian silently firing another arrow from next to him.

The dragon hovered, just out of melee range and I glared up at it, shoving worry over where Kaidan was to the back of my mind. Seeing it take a deep breath, I Shouted. “Fus Ro!”

It jerked its head back and dipped, catching werewolf claws in its leg as Sarlfi jumped at it. Twisting as it landed it caught the werewolf in its jaws and threw him back into the trees before turning its head toward me. “Dovahkiin. Oblaan het.”

No idea what you just said. Narrowing my eyes, I lunged in, losing my axe to a strike from its teeth that narrowly missed my fingers, using the closeness to grab its face ridges and leap to its head, driving the end of my pick into an eye, jumping free into a roll as it roared. Turning I Shouted again. “Fus Ro!”

Jerking its head back it seized, flailing toward me, failing to connect, a scream of rage as its death took it. Looking at my hand, pulsing healing through it as daybreak began to filter through the trees, I let the power of the soul drag me to my knees, breathing deeply through my nose as the soul pressed into me.

“Holy Fuck.”

I turned my head, watching Sarlfi stagger to his feet, bleeding freely from a wound in his chest. “Holy Fuck.” He repeated, pressing a hand to the wound. “Does it hurt?”

“Absorbing the soul?” I considered him. “No.”

“Then why…” He gestured toward the ground with a cough, spitting some blood to the side. “Why kneel?”

“It’s a lot of power.” I responded honestly. “You’ve pissed off some hagravens recently.”

“What makes you think that?” He asked, coughing again.

I gave him a level look before scanning the clearing for the others. Lucien was staring at the dragon with Nevian and Inigo at his side. Daggvar stood a few feet from them, his sword still drawn, his focus past me. I looked to see Kaidan on my other side, his focus on Daggvar. I do not like being between you two.

I looked back at Sarlfi. “Your wound isn’t healing.” I studied him. “In fact. I’d wager a guess that you’re close to bleeding out.”

“You wouldn’t mind.” He accused, pressing his hand harder.

“Perhaps not. But.” I turned, facing Daggvar. “I have a proposition for you.”

“What is that?” He asked, glancing at me briefly before looking back at Kai.

“I will heal Sarlfi. If you agree to leave me alone.”

He winced, looking over at Sarlfi, hesitation in every line of his body.

“Fuck Sil. Don’t ask him that.” Sarlfi said, coughing again, sagging against a tree. “He’s been trying to find you for so long.”

Daggvar’s jaw clenched as he watched Sarlfi. “Two months. And I’ll call off the Bounty Hunters until then.”

“Six.”

His gaze flicked to me. “Four.”

“Deal.” I agreed, moving toward my half-brother. Keeps him from transforming and us having to deal with a werewolf after having just fought a dragon.

Stepping up to my brother I studied him as I pulsed some healing into him. He studied me back. “I never did find out why you hate me so much.” He murmured.

“Your willingness to help father destroy a village on a whim has something to do with it.” I responded, pushing past the healing block the hagravens had put in place. “Block is gone. You’ll heal faster again.”

“Shit. You were there? Father said your grandfather told you to run.”

“He did.” I met his eyes. “I didn’t.”

“Shit.”

“There’s also my scars to consider.” I reminded him, tapping my arm.

“I’ve a bad temper. I admit.” He sighed. “I’m not looking forward to seeing what you learn in four months.”

“You could just not come after me then.” Has time tempered your impulsiveness?  

He shook his head. “No. Loyalty means something to me. Even if it means nothing to you.”

I narrowed my eyes. “I am plenty loyal Sarlfi.” Turning I started away then paused and glanced at him. “To those who deserve it.”

A soft noise warned me too late as Daggvar grabbed me and boxed me against a tree, staring down at me. “Four months.” He hissed. “Four months and then nothing and No One will keep me from claiming what is mine.”

I glared up at him, contemplating Unrelenting Force. “We’ve discussed this already.”

He shook his head, grabbing my chin and lifting it, kissing me hard, moving his hand to my hair, his fingers tight, pressing me harder into the tree when I pushed at him as he deepened the kiss. After a long moment he broke away. “Four months.”

Stepping back with another threatening glare he stalked away into the wood, Sarlfi following close behind.

Closing my eyes, I sank down along the tree, breathing out slowly, trying to block the memory of the last time Daggvar had kissed me. “Four months.” I whispered, leaning my head back.

“Silka.” Kaidan murmured. “I’m sorry.”

Opening my eyes, I looked up at him, noticing that we were alone. “For what?”

He glanced away. “I didn’t stop him.” He responded; his expression troubled.

I shook my head. “It’s fine Kaidan. He’s gone and we got a respite.” I sighed, reaching a hand up.

“It’s fine?” He repeated, pulling me up, staring down at me. “It’s fine?”

“Kai…” He cut me off with a fierce kiss, wrapping his arms around me, pulling me close.

Breaking the kiss, he stared down at me, breathing hard. “Not fine.” He muttered, kissing me again. “I promised you I would protect you and he managed to lay his hands on you anyway.” He growled, putting his hands on either side of my face. “He kissed you and threatened worse.”

“Kai.” I murmured, brushing my fingertips along his face tattoo, wondering how long he’d been watching me speak with the werewolf. “We have four months. It’s something.”

He closed his eyes, puffing out a long breath. “Aye.” He agreed finally, pressing a light kiss to my forehead. “It’s something.”

Chapter Text

Chapter Sixteen: Retrieving the Horn

Kaidan: Myrwatch Tower

“Magic on spiders.” Silka called, directing Lucien’s attention away from the chaurus in front of me and I breathed a sigh of relief. He was getting better, but there had been far too many close calls with fire, and it made me short tempered.

My relief was short lived as Silka darted in near me to deliver largely ineffective blows against the giant insect, drawing its attention to her. With a cry of rage, I brought my sword down on it, cleaving into its carapace as across the small spit of land Inigo laughed as he loosed another arrow into a spider.

I swear he’s unhinged but… He is a good fighter. Wiping my sword clean I looked for Silka. She was crouched by a corpse, reading something with a scowl. “What’s wrong?”

She sighed, looking over at me. “Poor fool didn’t have a chance. He had the tools he needed to get into the tower but not the ability to use them.” She explained, then her gaze took on a calculating look as she glanced at Lucien. “Hmm. Hey Lucien!”

“What is it?” He asked, turning, his face slightly drawn.

“Can you cast a flame spell on that carving of the Eye of Magnus?”

“Why of course!” He said cheerily, casting the spell onto the specified spot.

I glanced away, feeling the edges of dark memories tickling at the back of my mind. A small pressure on my arm as Silka rested her hand on it brought me back. Smiling down at her I rested my other hand on hers. “Thank you.” I murmured.

She flashed me a bright smile with a half nod. “Of course.” She replied, glancing back toward Lucien. “Ah, perfect. You can stop now. Do you see it?”

A small blue, translucent rabbit hopped into a small circle of stone and there was the sound of locks coming undone.

“That’ll do it. Go in ready for anything.” Silka said.

Lucien and Inigo nodded, approaching the door, the Imperial pressing lightly and the door swinging inward. I scowled as I followed Silka. Magic. Pah. Why would they need to hide away?

“It’s so still.” Lucien said reverently, looking around. Everything seemed frozen in time. A fire still in the oven and fireplace. Silka moved forward, looking around, sheathing her axe and pick. Picking a piece of paper off a table she skimmed it then put it back down.

“It’s in stasis. All of it.” She said. “Although…” She looked around, “I think it’s starting to wake up. I think your unlocking the tower did that Lucien.” She said. “I’m going to check out where that leads.” She added, pointing to a shimmering blue curtain in a doorframe.

“Let me accompany you, my friend.” Inigo suggested.

She nodded and I gave the Khajiit a grateful look that he responded to with a nod.

“Well, that leaves you and me then.” Lucien said. “How… exciting.”

Rolling my eyes, I walked around the entirety of the tower, noting the beds, the movement returning to the fire. Tucked into a corner was a trap door and with a grunt I pulled it open, moving down the ladder to find a well-appointed bathroom. The water in the bath seemed fresh. It swirled slightly, constantly moving and I marveled at it. Alright. Sometimes magic is useful.

“Oh wow. That looks amazing.” Lucien said from halfway down the ladder. “Although I suppose Silka will go first. Being the only Lady and all.” He mused.

“We’ll let her decide.” I agreed, moving past him to go back up the ladder.

“Did you ever finish that book?” Lucien asked, following me back up.

I frowned, our discussion in the Bee and Barb coming back to me. “Yes.”

“Oh? How was it?” He paused as Inigo and Silka came into the main area, turning his attention to them. “What was through the curtain?”

Silka smiled, her expression almost reverent. “A workshop. Not just magery but smithing and alchemy.” She responded, her eyes bright.

“As well as places for a great many historical artifacts.” Inigo added. “All of them empty.”

“We found a bathroom. The water is fresh and warm.” Lucien said eagerly. “I assume you’ll be going first Silka? Being the resident lady and all?”

She shook her head. “No. I’d like to poke around upstairs a bit more first. If I do anything more than enchanting, I’ll just get dirty again. I should probably brew some magicka and health potions.”

“Then I call for first in the bath.” The Imperial said.

“The kitchen stores seem fresh.” Inigo mused. “I’ll rustle up some dinner.” He offered.

I sighed. “If there’s a way to lock this place back up, I can take a look at gear.”

Silka smiled and moved over to the door, examining it, Lucien moving to join her. They spoke for a few moments before the Imperial nodded and they turned to us. “It can be locked. There’s a physical lock and a magical one that is activated by the physical. It’s actually fascinating.”

“Take notes on it then.” Silka suggested, smiling at the Imperial. “I know I saw some writing supplies.”

Inigo handed me an ebony sword with an incline of his head. “There is a grinder in the workshop.” He murmured. “My armor is fine. Lucien got through all of our more recent battles not hitting anything with his sword so it should be fine.”

Lucien blushed. “I’m just not as good with melee as I am with magic.” He explained.

Taking the sword, I followed Silka to the doorway, taking a deep breath and passing through, discomforted by the tingling sensation the door gave.

“There’s a wash basin up here as well with consistently refreshing water with is fascinating but no full bath.” Silka said, showing me through the workshop.

I smiled to see her eyes so bright, resting Inigo’s sword on the workbench as Silka moved over to the alchemy table. I pulled off my armor, then with a half-smile wandered over to her as she started laying ingredients out and traced fingers over her armor, checking for weak spots, invading her space, looking for a reaction.

She twisted around, putting her back to the table. “Need something?” She asked, looking up at me with a smile.

I laughed, wrapping her into a warm embrace, kissing her thoroughly. “Just checking your armor for weak spots.” I murmured as she hummed out a soft noise under her breath.

“Kind of you.” She responded, a small laugh teased out as I put hands on buckles.

I smiled then let out a long sigh. “Work first. Then leisure.” I informed her, warmth blossoming in my chest as she laughed.

Silka lay limp on the snow, blood trickling down from the gashes on her back. I struggled to reach her, restrained by something as Daggvar slowly circled her. “I warned you.” He said, a dark expression on his face. “You still fought me.” He crouched down by her and I wrenched hard against whatever held me in place as he lifted her in his arms, looking at me. “She is Mine, Bounty Hunter. The sooner you accept that… the better.”

“No!” I roared, sitting up from the bedding, gasping for breath, reaching for Silka, fear strangling my breathing as I found her spot empty.

Frantically I searched for her, my fear easing slightly as she approached from the direction of the enchanting table. Levering myself up from the ground I strode to meet her, lifting her off the ground with the force of my embrace, burying my face against her neck. She smelled slightly of magicka and soap, mingled with the faintest hint of sweat on her skin and I breathed it in deeply, letting it help ease the pain and fear of the nightmare.

“I’m here.” She murmured and my chest squeezed hard at those words.  “Would you like me to sing or play something?” She asked.

Not if it means letting go of you. “No.” I managed. “Let’s read. I need.” I need to hold you. I need to reassure myself that you’re here.

“A distraction?” She asked, pressing her face against my shoulder, her hair spilling against me, tickling my skin.

“Mm.” I responded, heart still hammering as I attempted to brush away the dream. Shifting her I lifted her more comfortably in my arms, breathing out a small sigh as she wrapped her arms around my neck and leaned in to brush a kiss along my jaw.

Moving back to the bedding I set her down then grabbed my pack, pulling a book out by feel, moving onto the bedding, pulling her against me, holding her tightly, the memory of the first time I’d held her surfacing in my mind and easing more of the fear. Letting out a deeper sigh I brushed my lips against the side of her neck and turned my attention to the book.

“Feeling better?” Silka murmured as she turned the last page of the chapter.

I looked down at her, nuzzling my face into her neck, breathing in her scent, pressing my teeth lightly against her skin, kissing and nipping. “Almost.” I murmured.

She shuddered in my arms as I lavished attention on her neck and throat, the book tumbling from her hands as she twisted, giving me easier access. Moving her back to the bedding, I shifted my weight, leaning over her, suddenly wanting only to shelter her, keep her safe, feeling my thoughts souring again. Fuck you Daggvar. I will see you dead before you lay hands on her again.

“Silka.” I murmured, kissing her lightly, pressing my forehead to hers. “Silka, I…” Need you. I need you. Fuck.

Closing my eyes, I made a small sound in the back of my throat as she ran her fingers over my tattoo, my jaw, my throat. “Do you want to tell me what happened?” She murmured.

I shook my head, looking down at her. “A nightmare.” I responded, softly, feeling my arms shake beneath me, my breath catching. “I can’t talk about it.” If I do. You’ll know that my feelings for you run much, much deeper than they should at this point. You’ll know. And I can’t bear the risk of losing you. I can’t. Especially not after that dream. “It will fade.”

“Alright.” She agreed, smiling softly. “Just let me know.”

My heart squeezed hard in my chest and I closed my eyes for a long moment. “Silka.” I murmured, trying to order my thoughts.

Pressing another kiss to her lips I twisted and gathered her in my arms, holding her close. “Just, let me hold you.” I murmured.

“Gladly.” She responded, snuggling against me. “Whatever you need.”

“Well, that was chaotic.” Lucien said, leaning against one of the crypt walls, looking green.

“You did well.” Silka responded. “You’re learning quickly. You should be pleased with your progress.” She praised, her tone sincere.

“Let us press on.” Inigo said, his ears flat. “I do not like these ruins.”

“Did you want to stay outside and keep watch?” Silka asked, resting her hand on his arm.

“No.” He gave her a grateful look. “Someone has to be around for the spiders.”

She laughed. “I appreciate that. Alright. Let’s go. We’re bound to find more Draugr so walk lightly. Lucien, keep your sword and shield ready first. I don’t want you accidentally roasting someone.”

“Are you sure?” He asked, looking nervous. “I’m so much better with magic than I am with these.” He tapped his sword hilt on the shield Silka had picked up from a dead bandit.

“I’m sure.”

“I should really get lessons.” He said softly, then his expression cleared, and he gave Silka a hopeful look. “Maybe you could teach me some things?”

“I could.” She agreed. “Let’s go.”

True to expectations we came across a fistful more Draugr, Silka and Inigo staying back, peppering them with arrows. Lucien spending more time behind his shield than trying to stab them but as it kept him from snarling me up, I found I didn’t mind it so much.

He came up to me as I watched Silka and Inigo converse far too close to the edge of a platform than I was comfortable with. “Kaidan.”

“What is it, Lucien?” I asked, sparing him a brief glance.

“I was wondering. Do you wish I hadn’t come along?”

“Depends on the day.” I answered, not bothering with diplomacy.

“How rude.” He spluttered.

I snorted. “You asked.”

“Well, I…” He trailed off, frowning. “Do you dislike me so much then?”

“Lucien. Now is not the right time to be having this conversation.” I grumbled, giving him a hard look. “We have to be alert. These tombs are full of undead and traps.” I considered him. “Training. Look around. See if you can’t spot some traps from here.”

He frowned. “You’re just trying to get me to stop asking you hard questions.” He accused.

I gave him a level look. “Identifying traps is crucial to survival down here.”

“Fine.” He grumbled, turning away.

Inigo and Silka were shaking their heads over something and I stepped a little closer, not looking over the edge.

“Don’t like heights?” Inigo asked.

“I don’t like…” I cut myself off. Don’t get overprotective. Or at least, don’t vocalize it. “Edges.” I temporized. I don’t like Silka standing that close to edges. It would take one earthquake or a light push and… With a grumble I looked away.

“It’s the heavy armor.” Inigo said. “I understand that.”

Shaking my head, I looked at Silka. “What did you figure out?”

“Well, we’re going to pick off as many of the skeletons as we can, but that way is the only way to get further.” She pointed at the inner path. “The path there breaks off.”

I nodded, pulling my bow free. “Let’s break some bones then.”

Lucien frowned. “I’ll just… watch then.”

“Do.” Silka said softly. “Pay attention to how we draw the bow, watch how we do it so when we get you one you have some idea what you’re doing.” She added with a smile. “It helps.”

He returned her smile. “Thank you.”

“So, it must be through that door, as we thought.” Inigo was saying, pointing out the path over the drop. I shook my head over the width of it.

I don ’t like it.

“Silka.” Inigo said, pressing a hand to her arm. “My friend. Are you alright?”

“Can’t you hear that?” She asked, looking at Inigo, furrowing her brow, turning to look questioningly at me and Lucien.

“I hear water.” Lucien offered. “And that flame trap we set off.”

“No, it’s. It’s whispering. And…” She trailed off, moving to the edge, looking down. “Oh.” Moving purposefully, she headed toward a trail leading downward.

“Where are you going?” Lucien asked. “The horn is that way?”

I frowned, following her, feeling understanding strike me as I spotted the word wall. Is this one going to put her into a trance as well?

She approached it swiftly and I looked around, watching for danger; whirling when she let out a soft gasp. “You alright?” I murmured. “Did that one hurt too?”

She nodded. “Yes. But. Kaidan.”

“What is it?”

“Your sword. It’s. The writing is Dragon Tongue.”

I blinked, staring at her, feeling my mouth move but no words at first. “Why would… Why would it be… Are you certain?”

She nodded. “Here, draw it, compare.” She suggested.

Doing as she asked, I stared between my sword and the wall. “Well so it is.” I whispered. “Can you read it?”

“Not yet.” She admitted. “But we can figure it out. We have a direction.” She laughed softly under her breath. “No wonder I didn’t recognize it. I was half wondering if it was a form of Akaviri that my grandfather hadn’t taught me. Turns out…” She grinned up at me. “It’s a start.”

Sheathing my sword, I returned her smile, brushing my fingers along her cheek. “Yes. It’s a start.” I agreed, pleased beyond words to see her so happy. What can I do? What can I do to see this smile more often?

Lucien cleared his throat and Silka blushed slightly. “I was just… sorry to interrupt. What does the word Do? The Shout you just learned?”

“That is a good question.” Inigo agreed.

Silka nodded, closing her eyes, obviously focusing. “Feim.” She whispered the word and I startled back along with the others as she and her gear became semi-transparent. Holding her hand up in front of her face she studied it.

“Fascinating.” Lucien exclaimed. “What does it do though?”

She shook her head as her form solidified. “I’m not entirely sure though I have some theories. Let’s go.”

“That. Was. Harrowing. What is that?” Lucien grumbled, pointing at the piece of paper on the alter.

Silka sighed heavily as she read it. “This, is someone getting our attention.” She handed me the note.

“Someone came in here and stole the horn? How did they get in? How did they get past that door that you had to use your Shout to open? How is that possible?” The Imperial griped.

Silka sighed heavily. “It means they knew where the back door was.”

“There’s a back door?” he sounded outraged, and I found I couldn’t blame him.

“They are usually very well disguised. It means that whoever stole the stinking horn knew where it was.” Inigo grumbled.

“And also, how to lever it open.” Silka responded, sounding very tired.

“If this person tries anything.” I murmured. “I will end them.” I promised, meeting Silka’s eyes.

Lucien jumped, struggling to draw his sword at the rustling in the grass. I turned away, trying not to roll my eyes too hard as a scruffy looking hunting dog stepped onto the road, wagging his tail piteously. Crouching down Silka pushed a familiar light through him, and his tail wagged faster before he rose and padded off the road a way, looking back over his shoulder.

“He wants us to follow him.” Silka murmured, rising to do just that.

“What if it’s a trap?” Lucien hissed, his sword back in its sheath and I wondered if he’d even managed to draw it.

“Then it is, and we’ll deal with it.” She responded.

The dog led us to a small shack, and I ducked inside after Silka, putting my hand over my nose to block out the scent, watching Silka look at the corpse on the bed then to the book next to it, grabbing the book and moving outside. “Rockjoint.” She murmured. “You must be Meeko.” She added, looking at the dog.

His tail waved again, and I half smiled. “Poor mutt.” I muttered. “Left alone, eh?”

Silka studied him for a moment then let out a low whistle. “Meeko. Come.” She called, moving toward the road.

I watched her move, watched the dog follow her and smiled. I know exactly how you feel dog. It’s impossible not to follow when she asks.

“So, we’ve a dog now.” I said, joining the group on the road.

“We do.” Silka agreed.

“He better not give me fleas.” I warned, only half serious.

Silka laughed. “Don’t worry. I know how to get him fixed up.”

Lucien and Inigo were inspecting the dog from a distance, the Khajiit seemingly amused by the acquisition and the Imperial frowning slightly.

“He won’t bite us… will he?” He asked.

“Just treat him with respect.” Silka responded softly, moving toward Solitude again.

Meeko quickly proved his worth when he perked up with a bark, alerting us to an approaching patrol. I felt worry sour my stomach at the familiar black robes and yellow-gold armor. Looking quickly to see that Silka had moved to the side of the road, crossing her arms over her chest, waiting.

“What are we waiting for?” Lucien asked.

“For them to pass.” Silka responded, her voice level.

The Thalmor drew nearly level with us when the Justicar slowed. “Tell me Nord, have you seen any sign of Talos worship?” He asked, looking down at Silka in a way that put my back up.

Silka looked up at him fearlessly. “What has you so curious about Talos worship?” She asked, the levels of charm she was exuding impressive even from what I’d seen so far.

“It is illegal in this Empire and must be stamped out.”

“I see.” She responded. “I will keep that in mind.” She added politely.

He gave her a suspicious look. “You look… hmm.” He turned to one of his soldiers. “List.” He ordered and I tensed.

Frowning of the sheet of paper his subordinate handed him he turned back, surveying our whole group, his eyes narrowed. “Is there a problem?” Silka asked sweetly.

“Let me see your songbook Bard.” He spat.

She clicked her tongue, shaking her head. “That seems like a terrible idea.” She responded. “I’ve made that mistake before you see.” She added when he stared at her.

“So, you are the Nord Silka.” He shook his head, looking at all of us, his gaze lingering on me for a long moment, and I wasn’t sure if I was on his list as well, or if he was assessing how much of a threat I was. “Leave the woman alive.” He ordered, lifting his hands.

“Fus Ro!” Silka Shouted, throwing the Justicar back into his soldiers as she drew her axes. 

Drawing my blade, I ran forward, Inigo running with me. “We’re really doing this?” Lucien called, and I glanced after a moment to see him backing away from a soldier, trying to light him up.

Silka came in behind the soldier and dropped him. “Yes.” She said when he dropped his magic.

“Damn Thalmor. What do they want you for anyway?” Lucien grumbled, kicking the dead soldier’s shield.

“Heretical knowledge.” She responded.

“Let us get away from here quickly.” Inigo suggested. “I do not wish to see if another patrol is nearby.”

“Agreed.” Lucien said quickly, running to join the Khajiit.

I stepped next to Silka. “Are you alright?” I murmured, the sour taste not completely out of my mouth yet.

She looked up at me. “The memories are unpleasant and my hands ache with them, but I’ll be alright. You?”

Drawing her close I tucked her against me. “I’m alright. I'm glad you are as well.”

Meeko whined at us and with a soft laugh we separated, moving to join the group.  

Chapter Text

Chapter 17: Greybeards and Blades

Silka: Riverwood

“If they try anything. I will end them.” Kaidan whispered.

“I know.” I responded, warmed anyway by his promise as we crossed the bridge to approach the inn.

Meeko gamboled at our feet as we walked, refusing to stay in the lodge with Lucien and Inigo. Neither of them had been pleased about being left behind either but I’d promised them a full report and pointed out that the mysterious person would be less likely to speak to a whole group.

Approaching Delphine as we entered the inn, I asked for the attic room, rolling my eyes when she acted confused. Worst act ever. I know you know I’m meeting someone.

She led us to a side room then shut the door. Narrowing my eyes, I lifted an eyebrow. Somehow, I’m not surprised.

“Surprised, are you?” She asked, grinning. “I know it’s hard to reconcile this with my innkeeper act.”

Your innkeeper act sucks. You ’re too acerbic.

She held a finger up to her lips when I opened my mouth to respond. “Not here.” She pushed a wardrobe open, unlocking the panel at the back and beckoning us closer. “Come on. Through here.”

Giving Kaidan a slightly unsure look I nodded and followed. Stairs led down into a basement, dark as the door swung shut behind Kai, opening into a small room where Delphine quickly lit a handful of candles and a lantern.

“I believe you’re looking for this?” She asked, patting an old-style war horn sitting on the table.

“Who are you?” I asked sharply.

“I can’t tell you. Not yet. I need to know I can trust you.”

Kai let out a derisive laugh. “If you can trust us. What about you?”

“Look. I have the horn here. What else do you want? Obviously, I can be trusted.”

I felt my brows furrow. “Say again? I’m not sure you understand how trust works but then…” I looked around the room more closely, thinking hard. I wonder. I wonder. Grandfather and Grandmother said some of the Blades would hide by blending in. That it was what they would try to do until they got word of being hunted. I wonder.

“Alright. What do you need?” I asked, startling both her and Kaidan by the noises they both made.

“Proof.” She stammered. “The Dragonstone you got. It was a map.”

“I saw that.”

“A map of dragon burial mounds. Dragons weren’t in hiding. They were dead. Something is resurrecting them. And they seem to have a pattern.” She jabbed her finger into the map of Skyrim on her desk. “I think this one will be next. Probably four. Maybe five days from now. If we press, we can get there in plenty of time.”

“It would be good to find out for sure where they’re coming from.” I agreed. “Alright. Let me gather the rest of my team. Meet outside town? Heading toward Kynesgrove right?”

“You have a team?” she asked, blinking.

“Two other people. I figured if I was going to hunt dragons, I might need backup.” Lifting the horn, I tied it to my belt, settling it next to Kaidan’s.

“But if you’re the Dragonborn…”

“I can absorb their souls. That doesn’t mean it would be a good idea to try to hunt them on my own. Not when I’m still learning Words of Power.” I pointed out. “I wouldn’t be much use if I get eaten by the third or fourth dragon I faced.”

“I suppose that’s true.” She admitted.

“Not to mention one of my teammates is a scholar. He can help me learn weaknesses he observes in fights.”

“Alright. Yes. I’ll meet you on the bridge. I hope you understand that I’m risking a lot trusting you.”

“As long as you realize the same.” I responded, turning away.

Kaidan gave me a raised eyebrow but held his tongue until we were almost at the lodge. “Why did you agree to her test?”

“Because I have a theory that she might be a Blade.” I responded. “I want to see if I’m right. Seems likely that the only way I’ll find out is by doing her little ‘test.’ Plus, if dragons are being resurrected it seems like the kind of thing we’d better find out.”

“Point about the dragons. What makes you think she might be a Blade?”

“Well, Blades have always had connections to the stories of dragons, right?”

“That’s what Brynjar told me.” He responded.

“And my grandparents told me that the easiest way for Blades to hide is blend in somewhere. Delphine looks like she could be my mother’s age, maybe a bit older. So…”

“Someone with a knowledge of dragons and a problem with strangers.” He smiled. “You could be right.” His eyes sparkled. “You’re pretty smart… for a mage.”

“Hey!” I protested, my next comment swallowed up as he lifted me, kissing me soundly on the lips, holding me tightly to him for a long moment as I returned the kiss, before dropping me down onto the porch of the lodge. He stroked my cheek lightly with the back of his hand, his eyes dark as I tried to catch my breath.

I caught his hand and smiled up at him. “Come on Kai. Let’s not get too distracted.”

He laughed. “Course not.” He responded, pushing the door open.

“What happened?” Inigo wondered, rising from the table.

“Did you get the horn?” Lucien asked, moving in tandem with the Khajiit.

“Come on.” I beckoned, moving to the steps as they grabbed their supplies quickly. “Yes, we got the horn.” I added as we moved toward the bridge. “We’ve got a dragon theory to go test with the person who took it.”

Delphine was leaning against the bridge in leather armor with a hood over her face. She took in the other two with a calculating look. “What do they bring to your dragon fights?” She asked curiously.

“I told you. One of them is a scholar. Seems he’d be just the type to be able to help figure out the accuracy of your theory.”

“It’s not a theory.” She snapped. “I’ve visited other mounds. They’re empty. The dragons gone. Dragons are being resurrected.”

“That seems like a pretty big thing to verify.” Lucien murmured. “Ah, Delphine, is it? How did you find this out?”

She grumbled something under her breath. “I’m part of a group that’s been watching for the return of a the Dragonborn for a long time.”

I glanced at Kaidan, lifting an eyebrow. He nodded, pursing his lips slightly. “Delphine. Who makes the best ale between the Sleeping Giant, the Bannered Mare and the Braidwood Inn?” Inigo asked.

Delphine laughed. “Asking the important questions. You must be a fighter.” She said easily. “And of course, I’m going to say the Sleeping Giant. I’ve been working on that recipe for years. It was passed down to me and no. You can’t have the recipe. Only Orgnar and I know it. And whoever Orgnar chooses to pass it to.”

“Whoever Orgnar chooses?” Lucien asked. “Wouldn’t that be something you’d handle?”

“Come on. Let’s try to put a move on it. Gotta get to Kynesgrove.”

“Okay then.” Lucien muttered.

“We’ve been making good time.” Delphine praised, the first words she’d said since agreeing to make camp the past two nights. “We should reach Kynesgrove before nightfall.”

“That’s good.” Lucien said, his voice very tired as we started across a bridge, and I wondered how much was from the travel itself, and how much was from his friendly overtures of conversation toward Delphine being ignored.

“Take heart.” Delphine said. “If this bridge hadn’t been built last year, we’d have had to either ford the river or go all the way to Windhelm in order to reach Kynesgrove.” She froze. “What was that?”

I glanced up, narrowing my eyes as Meeko growled and I caught the barest hint of movement in the rocks at the end of the bridge. Casting my stoneflesh spell I staggered as a crossbow bolt caught my shoulder, burning pain radiating from the bolt.

Casting healing swiftly as Inigo returned fire and Delphine, Meeko and Kaidan ran forward with echoing cries, I grasped the bolt, pulling it out, fishing in my pack for a cure poison potion as the pain outraced the healing, biting my lip.

“Here.” Lucien said, shoving a potion in my hand. “Cure poison.” He identified. “I see it not healing.”

Giving him a silent nod, I drained it, breathing a sigh of relief as my healing spell finally caught, knitting the flesh back together as the stoneflesh spell wore off. “Dark Brotherhood.” Delphine said, walking back toward me. “I thought at first they might have been hired to kill me but…” She shook her head, handing me a note.

I looked down at it and sighed deeply. “As if things weren’t already complicated enough.” Kaidan growled, brushing at the damage done to my armor. “Let’s get this done.” He added.

I nodded, meeting his eyes, seeing the worry there that he hadn’t voiced, tilting my head slightly. He shook his head.

“Let’s keep moving.” I agreed, moving onward to the dirt path that led to our destination.

“This kind of thing happen often?” Delphine asked.

“No. Why do you ask?”

“You seem rather calm about it all.” She responded. “Was wondering if you’d run into assassin before.”

“Assassin no. But they’re not the first group to try to kill me. And I suspect they won’t be the last.”

“Oh?” She asked, giving Lucien a sidelong look as he puffed his way up the hill.

“Thalmor.” I responded, watching her closely.

She scowled. “Of course. Damned Thalmor hate everyone with a pulse who isn’t one of them.”

“Not sure they’d be so keen on vampires either.” I pointed out, smiling when she glowered at me.

“You have a smart mouth. No wonder they tried to kill you.” She prodded.

“It’s a requirement in my line of work.” I responded, keeping my tone mild though I could see that the others didn’t think much of her comment.

“Dragon!” The cry went up as the Braidwood Inn was just starting to wake up for the day.

Swinging my legs over the side of the rented cot, I buckled armor into place swiftly, on my feet before Inigo and Lucien were half ready.

“You ready for this?” Kaidan murmured, his hand on my lower back, his eyes serious.

“Yes.” I responded, meeting his eyes. “Let’s go see what’s going on.”

Moving up the hill I felt my mouth go dry as we heard the dragon alternately speaking and Shouting in Dragon Tongue. Some of the words echoed in my bones and I wondered if it was the souls, recognizing what he was saying. As the others ducked down behind boulders I stared up at the massive black dragon. My memory flashing back to the headsman’s block, the soldiers, the scent of blood strong in my nose, the memory of fire. He turned his head down, looking at me.

“Dovahkiin.” He hissed, spitting off a bit more in Dragon tongue, my mind scrambling to catch up to the fact that he recognized what I was. He’s not the first. Not the first to realize.

“You do not even know our tongue.” He laughed. “And yet you dare take the name.”

“Who says I took it?” I countered, planting my hands on my hips, Meeko running to my side, his hackles up.

He flapped a couple of times, staring down at me. “You call yourself Dovahkiin do you not?”

I considered it, trying to remember if I’d ever actually claimed to be the Dragonborn out loud. “Hm. Point. I have said it a couple times. It was not I who first said it though.” I responded, eying the flesh returning to the dragon on the ground. “As to learning your tongue.” I gave him a half smile. “It’s a work in progress.”

“Alduin.” The second dragon greeted, bowing his head.

Alduin. World eater. Makes sense he’d be the one resurrecting the others. Drawing my bow, I tapped an arrow thoughtfully against my thigh as the dragons spoke for a moment, certain I knew what was coming next.

“Goodbye Dovahkiin.” Alduin laughed.

Shrugging a shoulder, I nocked an arrow, aiming at the second dragon as he lifted off, loosing it as the others moved from their cover. I jumped easily out of the way of some ice, loosing another arrow. “Fus Ro!” I Shouted, watching him wobble in the air, losing some altitude as I approached with another arrow nocked.

He doesn’t like landing. He’s smarter than the ones I’ve fought before. Loosing another two arrows I watched his left wing fail, casting stoneflesh as I drew my weapon.

He dropped down, lashing out with tail and Shouts. I ran forward, seeing his next Shout coming toward me. “Feim!” I whispered, feeling the Shout move through me with no effect.

He snarled and swiped his forelimb through me, and pain echoed as the Shout ran out. I knew, even as I slashed my pick toward him that I would find no physical injuries. But Fuck that hurt.

A final arrow sank into his eyesocket and he thrashed, collapsing into the familiar crackle of energy. Not bothering to let the energy drag me to my knees I knelt, sending up a prayer to Shor as the dragon’s soul fused into my body. Ultimately. What will carrying all these souls do? Am I destroying them when I absorb them? Am I absorbing them into my being? What will that do to me?

“So, it’s true.” Delphine said, staring at me as Kaidan offered me a hand up. “Alright. Ask me anything.”

“Are you a Blade?”

She blinked, her mouth falling slightly open. “Am I… What do you know of Blades?”

“I wondered.” I said, leaning against Kaidan. “I was raised by two Blades. And my mother was a Blade.”

“I… What?”

I laughed, having to brace myself as the mirth spread through my body. “Pardon. Battle I think.” I said as I straightened. “I was raised by two Blades.” I repeated. “Azalet and Lamrika. My mother, Kirsir, gave me to their care when I was an infant.”

“Azalet? He was one of our Akaviri Historians. Knew everything about them.”

“Down to the language.” I agreed.

“Azalet.” She shook her head. “I only met him a few times. Is he still alive?”

I shook my head. “Unfortunately, no.”

“What about the other two? Lamrika? Kirsir?”

“Lamrika disappeared when I was a child.” I sighed. “And Kirsir is as good as dead.”

She shook her head. “Hunted. Always hunted. You understand why I was so cagey about everything.”

“Yes.” I agreed. “But you also have to recognize that I’ve spent most of my life hunted as well.” I sighed heavily. “Neither of us had any reason to trust the other. So. Do you have any ideas of who might be behind the dragons coming back now?” I considered it. “If… indeed, someone is behind it.”

“There has to be someone behind it.” She responded.

“Why do you say that?” Lucien asked.

“It’s the only thing that makes sense. If Ulfric had been executed, it would have ended the war.”

“You think there’s someone who profits from it?” He asked.

“Of course. There’s only one group that gains from having everyone in Skyrim tearing it apart. And that’s the Thalmor.”

“It’s true they profit from it.” Kaidan agreed. “But do even they have access to the type of magic that must have been required to wake the first dragon? The one resurrecting the others?”

“The Black dragon was at Helgen.” I said flatly.

“That’s the one?” Kai asked, his brow furrowed.

“Yes.” I confirmed as Delphine swore.

“We need more information.” She said, breathing out a long sigh. “Alright, look. We need to find out if the Thalmor know about it. So. I’m going to go home and send noise through my network. Figure out how to get the information we need. I’ll send you a letter when I have something. In the meantime. Do try not to get killed.”

“Alright.” I agreed.

“She does not seem to be so sharp.” Inigo muttered as she moved back toward Kynesgrove.

Lucien and Kaidan snorted a laugh as I watched her go. You’ve made no friends here Delphine. But something tells me that doesn’t bother you.

“What are you thinking about?” Lucien asked.

“I’m not convinced that someone is behind the dragons. But I do believe that there are people who would capitalize on it.” I responded. “Come on. Let’s get back to High Hrothgar. Ivarstead isn’t horribly far from here.

“Your group has grown.” Master Arngeir greeted, taking the horn from me with a quiet reverence, passing it to Master Bori.

“Yes.” I agreed. “It seemed prudent considering the dangers I face.”

He sighed. “I do not know how to reconcile what you do with the lessons we embody here.” Looking past me, he studied the group thoughtfully. “You two. Please. If you would go down this hallway you will find some books that should keep you entertained for a few hours. Take the dog with you.”

I looked down at Meeko. “Go with Inigo.” I ordered, pointing as Lucien and Inigo moved in the indicated direction, Lucien looking downcast.

Kaidan looked curiously at the Greybeard. I wonder why they didn’t have Kaidan go with them. Master Arngeir smiled, turning to me. “Dragonborn. It is time to learn the final word of Unrelenting Force. And then. We will greet you.”

I studied him for a moment. That sounds… heavy. Like there’s some importance to what you’re saying.

Learning the third word made the three words almost hum in my head, the power I could feel with having all three together a strange feeling. “I can feel the power in having all three. No wonder your numbers are so few.”

“You understand.” Arngeir said. “You understand the power that is granted you by the Gods.”

I shook my head. “I have barely begun.” I responded.

The four Greybeards exchanged looks, pleased expressions on their faces. Not sure what I said to garner that reaction, but I’ll accept it. “Stand here.” Arngeir said, pointing me to a spot in the middle of the room.

Moving to it I met Kaidan’s eyes, glancing away from the intensity of his gaze. The greeting was powerful. I could feel it in my bones, staggering on occasion from the force of their voices, not looking at Kai, certain he would be worried.

“Dragonborn.” Master Arngeir said finally. “High Hrothgar is open to you.”

“Thank you Master Arngeir. What is it that you told me? In the greeting? I recognized some of the words but not all.”

He smiled. “It was a traditional greeting in the Dragon Tongue. We bestowed upon you the Stormcrown in the name of Kyne, Shor and Atmora of Old.” He studied me for a long moment. “Dragonborn. You are Ysmr. You are the Dragon of the North. Do not take it lightly.”

I offered a small bow. “Thank you Master Arngeir. I will keep your words close.”

He smiled, reaching a hand out and resting it on my shoulder. “I know you will. Your spirit is strong.”

“Master Arngeir. Why did you ask Kaidan to stay behind?”

“Master Wulfgar reminded me of some lore. It seemed fitting that one who bears blade and armor reminiscent of old Akavir accompany the Dragonborn.” He frowned, studying Kaidan. “Beware though. There are those who would use you. Beware the Blades.”

“What’s wrong with the Blades?” I asked curiously.

“Long ago they served the Dragonborn. Long ago they were Akaviri. And when they were, they served the Dragonborn emperors. But since then…” He sighed heavily. “They have been scattered. Their purpose corrupted and they will seek to make you a weapon.”

I frowned. “Master Arngeir. I was raised by Blades. My grandfather taught me the history of the Akaviri and how they related to the Blades.”

“Then you may be compelled to trust them. I understand. Be wary. That is all I ask.”

“Thank you Master Arngeir. Where do I go from here?”

“The best way to augment and grow your Voice would be to seek out hidden Words. It would also temper your abilities.”

“Alright.” I agreed. “Do you have any idea where I should start?”

He smiled. “Yes. We can hear the words whispering even from here. Your map?”

I pulled it off my bag and offered it to him. “Here.” He said, marking a spot near Solitude. “Here is where you will find a Word of Power.”

“Thank you Master Arngeir. I should go find my companions. There should still be enough time to get down to Ivarstead for the night.”

He smiled and nodded. “A sound plan.” 

Halfway down the hallway I turned to look up at Kaidan. “What do you think about what Master Arngeir said?”

“About my gear or about the Blades?”

“Both.” I worried at my lip. “I’m… It feels weird to think critically of the Blades considering who my grandparents were.”

He nodded, stroking my cheek gently. “I understand. As to my gear…” He shook his head. “Whether it’s a tie to Akavir or Blades I still don’t know. For all I know Brynjar was lying about the sword being my mother’s.”

“Why would he lie about that?”

“To give a child hope?” He asked, frowning deeply.

“Kaidan. Was Brynjar the type to tell stories to make you feel better?”

He sighed, stepping in closer to me, resting his hand on my lower back. “No.” He smiled down at me, lifting my chin. “How is it that you always manage to make me feel better about everything?”

I flushed, “Must be my Bardic training.”

He laughed softly, kissing me lightly. “Don’t worry too much about the Blades.” He suggested. “What Master Arngeir said makes sense. Be wary of anyone honestly. You’ve got power now. There are a great many people who would seek to use that.” He smiled down at me. “But you just point me at anyone who doesn’t accept your no and I’ll take care of them.”

I laughed, grinning up at him, warmed by how pleased he looked. “I’ll keep that in mind. Come on. Let’s collect the others.” How is it you make me feel better about these challenges? Even when you don’t think you have the answer, you’re willing to stand by me. Moving my hand to his I tugged him down the hall, comforted by the warmth of his grasp.

Chapter Text

Chapter 18: Amulets and Bards

Kaidan: Rorikstead

Coming up behind Silka as she sketched, I worked my armor off, watching her arm move, wondering at her concentration. When she lifted her hand, I cleared my throat, not too surprised when she startled slightly, half twisting to look up at me, smiling. “Hey Kai.”  

“What were you sketching?” I asked.

She twisted back to the table, holding up an amulet and I felt a funny feeling settle in my gut. “Why are you sketching an amulet of Mara?” I asked softly, breath catching as I stared at her back, wondering if she understood what the Nords in Skyrim used them for. She grew up in Skyrim. She must know… right?

“I’m working on sketching all the amulets I come across.” She responded. “It’s good practice.”

“You’re not… planning to wear it are you?”

She paused, “I could. It helps aid Restoration magic. Makes the spells use less magicka reserves.”

I closed my eyes, breathing slowly. “You’re a Bard Silka, how can you be unaware of what the locals wear them for? When they’re not obviously priests?”

She swiveled around to look at me. “I always thought the other bards were teasing me. It seems an awfully odd way to announce you’re looking for a serious relationship.”

I felt a small smile play around the corner of my mouth. “Aye, you’re not wrong there. But… something else to aid your Restoration magic?” I felt a sudden thought twist my mood. “Unless you’re looking for someone to steal you away.”

She shook her head, resting her hands on the back of the chair, laying her head down on them. “I’m happy with you. Why would I want to jeopardize that?”

“If you’re looking to the future, I can’t promise I’m the marrying type.” I murmured, feeling half-strangled by the admission. “I had an unorthodox upbringing. I learnt very little about what makes a relationship work long enough to put marriage on the table.”

She laughed. “Kaidan. I’ve spent the last six years dodging a marriage.” She pointed out. “You think I’ve given it much thought beyond that?” Her smile softened. “But. Don’t sell yourself short. You.” She sighed. “If you treated a marriage partner half as good as you treat me, they’d be the luckiest person alive.”

“You think so?” I asked, studying her expression, trying to decode what she was feeling, certain she was hiding something.

She nodded. “Yes.” Turning back to the table she resumed the sketch.

Leaning against the wall, I watched her work, puzzling over the conversation. I haven’t thought about marriage in years. What was behind that expression though? Is she worried that she doesn’t have a future? Is it the dragons? Or… is she worrying about Daggvar already? We’ve got time still. Time to figure out a plan. It’s something we’ve talked over already. Lucien, Inigo and I. We’ll be as ready as we can be when the four months is up.

After several more minutes she stood up from the table, walking over to the washbasin to clean her hands. I moved away from the wall to look down at her art. “You do such beautiful work.” I murmured, idly turning the page in her sketchbook, being careful not to lower it down and smudge her new drawing. I smiled over the image of Lucien and Inigo laughing by a fire. I turned to the next page as she sat down on the bed, watching me. The sketch of me sitting on a stump, hand on Meeko’s ruff as I kept watch, gave me a warm simmering feeling in my chest. I shouldn’t be surprised that she’s drawn me, but it’s still pleasant.

I smiled to see that the facing page had an exact sketch of the Dragonbone amulet I’d given her; looking over at her, the amulet in question being toyed with as she watched me, a slight flush on her face. “You have a gift.” I told her, gently setting the pages back, careful not to touch the newest drawing as I turned in the chair.

“Thank you.” She responded softly, blushing further.

Rising I moved over to the bed and sat, taking my boots off before shifting onto it properly, pulling her down into my arms. “What’s bothering you?” I asked.

“I don’t know.” She sighed, shifting so she could look at me. “Just melancholic tonight I guess.”

“Well maybe I can help with that.” I murmured, leaning down, gently kissing the side of her jaw, skimming my teeth against her skin, feeling her shiver as I moved.

She sighed when I pulled back, her eyes darkened with arousal. “Maybe you can.” She agreed, pushing up to kiss me.

Rousing slightly, I frowned, coming awake completely at the emptiness of my arms. “Silka?”

Blinking the sleep out of my eyes I dressed quickly, noting that her gear was gone, trying to quell rising panic. Was it the conversation last night? Does the thought of marriage disturb her that much?

Moving swiftly into the taproom I found it empty but for the innkeeper and his son. The son, Erik, turned at my approached, his eyes lighting up.

“Good morning!” He greeted, his cheer grating on my nerves. “Can I get you anything?”

“Have you seen…”

“Silka? Yes, she got up about an hour ago. Said something about the sunrise and practice and the dog. Do you think she’ll play more music tonight?”

I shook my head. “Fraid not. We’re leaving once the others wake up.”

“Oh. That’s a shame.” He murmured. “Tell her thank you again for me, would you?”

I nodded slightly, moving toward the door. Silka. It’s not safe for you to wander about alone. Daggvar might have promised a four-month respite but you’ve had one assassin after you already. What’s to stop another from trying? I paused on the porch, taking a deep breath of the crisp morning air. The fact that it’s likely not Daggvar sending the assassins is strangely not a comfort.

The soft sounds of a lute drew my attention, and I moved that way quickly, my breath catching as I caught sight of Silka sitting against a tree, strumming the lute quietly, her attention on the horizon. Divines, she’s breathtaking.

I stood, watching her play for a long moment, feeling my chest squeeze almost painfully. After a moment she set her lute aside, shifting to her knees, bowing her head slightly. I haven’t asked her yet who she bows to. It’s hard to tell when she wears no amulet.

Reminded of the Amulet of Mara discussion from the previous night I walked her direction. Please let that have not created unease between us.

Meeko thumped his tail against the dirt as I approached, alerting Silka. She shifted, smiling at me as I neared, and relief cleared my melancholy.

“Morning Kai.” She greeted, “Did you want to sit with me?”

I moved closer, dropping down on the ground where she indicated. “When did you get up?” I asked, smiling as she grasped my hand.

“About an hour ago. Meeko had to go out and it was so peaceful out here I thought it might be a good time to practice my lute. You were sleeping so peacefully I didn’t want to wake you up.”

“I see.” I responded, my voice a hair gruffer than intended. 

“Are you upset with me?” She asked, tilting her head slightly.

“No. I was just… worried when I couldn’t find ya.”

“Next time I’ll leave a note.”

Next time. You intend to keep doing this. I sighed. “As long as you promise to bring Meeko.”

“You worried I’ll run into something I can’t handle on my own?” She asked, looking up at me.

“Yes. Even you can get ambushed.”

She shifted, lying down, putting her head in my lap and I closed my eyes for a moment, my mood easing further. “That’s true.” She agreed.

Taking my gauntlets off I stroked her hair gently, considering the horizon. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt this peaceful. Looking down at her I smiled. And I’ve you to thank for it.

“I’ve been meaning to ask. Who do you pray to? I’ve noticed you often take time for at least a quick prayer.”

She twisted so she could look up at me. “Shor.” She responded.

“Shor?” I considered her. “One of the old Gods.”

“Yes.” She agreed, her eyes bright. “And Kyne.”

“Of course.” I murmured. No wonder the Thalmor hunt you. As much as they despise Talos I wonder if they despise Shor as much. Or more.

“Giraud!” Silka called, jumping down from the cart, startling the rest of us in the process as she ran toward the Breton who turned our direction.

The carriage driver pulled his horse to a halt. “I assume you’ll all be getting down? Solitude isn’t far from here.”

“Yes.” I agreed, climbing out with the others, grabbing Silka’s gear and heading her direction.

“She canceled it? Permanently?” Silka was asking. “What does Viarmo say?”

“I’ve never seen him so upset.” He responded, shaking his head. “He doesn’t want to make a scene though. The Thalmor are always ready to pounce on a perceived weakness.”

“That’s true.” She agreed. “Did he have any ideas?”

“Ah, yes. I was just heading out to date the ruins of Dead Man’s Respite. From my reading I believe it may be the resting place of King’s Olaf’s Verse.” He smiled. “Yes. The original.”

“Were you planning to go on your own?” She asked, accepting her gear from my hand with a smile.

“I’m not incapable.” He said, shaking his head.

“I would never suggest that.” Silka laughed. “Just curious. Where is Dead Man’s Respite?” She pulled her map free, showing it to him.

He lifted an eyebrow. “You’ve already got it marked.”

“I do?”

He nodded. “Right here.” He said, tapping the spot where Master Arngeir had marked.

“I think that might be all the verification you need that those ruins are ancient.” She murmured. “Master Arngeir of the Greybeards told me I’d find a word of power in there.”

“A word of power? That… Sounds familiar but I’m not certain.”

“Dragon Tongue.” She clarified.

“Oh. You can learn the language from the monument walls?”

“Yes. I’m not entirely sure how it works but it seems to work the same way absorbing souls does. It just happens.”

I stifled my soft laugh. “I’ve seen it.” I said, in case he wanted verification.

He shrugged. “Silka’s not one who’s given to telling unbelievable lies. And Delacourt wrote and told us about her… trials.”

Silka smiled, relief in her expression. I should do something nice for her. See if I can get her to take a break. Just her and me.

I looked around, considering the geography as the two Bards talked. I think I remember a spot around here. Somewhere I used to go when Brynjar was frequenting the taverns in Solitude and Dragon Bridge.

“So let me get this straight.” Lucien said, breaking through my thoughts. “You want us to try and find an ancient book on the off chance that it holds the original King Olaf’s Verse?”

“It is a worthy endeavor.” Inigo said sharply. “A part of Skyrim’s history.”

Giraud grinned, gesturing toward the Khajiit. “Exactly. I like this friend of yours Silka.”

“We’ll retrieve the book.” Silka said brightly. “If it’s there to retrieve. Let Viarmo know?”

He laughed. “Alright. Walk lightly.” His smile vanished and he glanced around. “There’ve been more patrols around of late. Posters circulated among those who like money.” He leaned in close to her, whispering something.

“Thank you.” She responded. “I’ll keep that in mind.” She added, glancing over at me, worry in her gaze.

“Well. Viarmo isn’t expecting me for several days so I think I’ll head to Dragon Bridge for a pint before I go back. Separate with you there.” He grinned at Inigo. “Tell me good Sir. What do you want to know about Skyrim’s history?”

“Why would you ask him?” Lucien protested. “I’m the Scholar!”

“A scholar who scoffed at recovering part of the Poetic Edda.” He pointed out, soon engrossed in deep conversation with the two.

Silka watched them pull ahead. “He knows how to talk to people does Giraud. He left the college so rarely while I was there that sometimes it was easy to forget he is a trained bard.”

Moving to her side I looked down at her with a smile. “Shall we?” I asked.

“Yes.” She gave me a half smile, her eyes bright with concern.

“What’s wrong?”

“Giraud said he’s seen wanted posters with your name on them. With requests to see the Thalmor with any information.”

“That’s not unexpected.” I pointed out.

“I know. I know. I just…” She sighed. “Why can’t they just leave people alone?”

“It would go against all their tenants from what I’ve seen.”

“Their tenants need a rework.” She grumbled, moving forward.

I smiled fondly at her back, strangely appreciative of her worrying over me. Gods know I worry over her enough.

“Why are we here again?” Lucien asked, staring in distaste at the ruin in front of us.

“Jarl Elisif banned the Burning of King Olaf.” Silka responded.

“Understandable considering what happened to her husband.” He pointed out. “Why are we trying to get it reinstated?”

“Well, for one it’s a Bard College tradition. For two, it’s something the people of Solitude look forward to all year. Not having it, especially during this time, will be hard for the citizens to bear.” She explained. “People need to have a sense of normalcy during hard times. Sometimes it’s the only thing that keeps them going.”

“Well then. By all means… Let’s go raid a tomb. To keep the people happy.” He muttered.

Silka smiled at him. “It’ll be fine Lucien.” She promised. “Just stick close and we’ll get through the tomb together.”

“That does make me feel a little better.” He responded, taking a deep breath and moving forward.

“Is that?” Lucien whispered, staring at the ghost of the bard ahead of us, as he gestured at the ruby dragon claw on the table.

Inigo and I readied weaponry as Silka stepped forward and lifted it, prepared as the expected Draugr rose and attacked.

“He’s been here a very long time if that’s Svaknir.” Silka said, her tone sorrowful. “What would drive someone to stay, haunting a crypt, for this long?”

“I know a lot of people don’t like bards but compelling one to haunt a tomb for this long out of spite is certainly something.” Lucien agreed.

Silka frowned as the bard's ghost vanished, looking around, working out the puzzle of some rotating door with an ease that made me marvel. Meeko kept himself glued to her side and I found myself keeping a watchful eye on Lucien and Inigo as both of them sweated over the close quarters and undead. Can’t say they’re my favorite locations but I am not nearly as uncomfortable as they are.

“Why are there always spiders?” Lucien asked, walking around what appeared to be a dead end, poking at the walls with his sword.

“I don’t mind that part.” Inigo said easily.

“We know.” Lucien responded. “Where is the way forward?” He grumbled.

Silka exhaled loudly. “Damnit. Alright. Kaidan, you think you could help me tie a rope off to this grate?”

I gave her a suspicious look and moved closer to where she was staring at the floor. “Why?”

“I have a theory.” She responded. “I think I know the way forward.”

“You think we have to go down?” Inigo asked, his ears twitching.

“Yes. But I’d rather not bank on the water being deep enough for all of us.” She said, working rope between the bars.

“We just have to hope the bars are strong enough to hold our weight if we go down a rope.” I pointed out, displeased with the idea.

“I know.” Silka murmured, studying me. “Did you and Inigo. Did you two want to stay back?”

I scowled. And let you face however many Draugr alone? “No.” I responded, a hair more sharply than I’d intended.

“I would not like to be left behind either.” Inigo said, his tone quieter but no less emphatic.

“Alright.” She agreed, letting the rope fall, seemingly satisfied with the splashing sound it made. “Stand back.” She ordered, pulling a lever, watching the gate open with a nod. “Actually. I have a better idea. Let me go first.” She said, moving over to the gaping hole in the ground.

“Are you certain that is a wise idea?” Lucien asked, sounding half strangled.

“I am.” Peering down into the hole she whispered. “Feim.” Her form fading as she stepped off the edge.

My heart caught in my throat and I moved to the edge with the others, Meeko whining at my side as we stared down. After a long excruciating moment Silka bobbed to the surface of the water.

“It’s pretty deep.” She called, “and I can see a tunnel. This is the right way.” Swimming out from under the hole she vanished from sight.

“How shall we keep our armor from bogging us down?” Inigo asked, his tail twitching.

“Tie the rope around it.” Lucien suggested. “I’ll lower it down. And I’ll lower Meeko down.”

“That is a good idea.” Inigo praised.

I half nodded, stripping my armor off as quickly as I could, strapping my sword back in place. Taking a deep breath, I dropped myself into the hole, hating the feeling of falling as I braced to hit the water. Coming up spluttering I moved to the side so Inigo could jump down. A moment later Lucien was lowering the wiggling, unhappy hound. As soon as I freed him, difficult while treading water, he shot off into the side tunnel.

Lucien lowered the armor down next, waiting until Inigo shouted up that he had it before jumping down himself, spitting water as he came up, the end of the rope with him. Inigo and I grabbed the rope and swam to the edge of the water, coming up into the side tunnel.

“I am not looking forward to putting it back on.” Inigo muttered.

“Did you want me to try to dry it out for you?” Lucien asked. “I do know some flame spells.”

I felt my spine tingle and quickly started strapping water-logged armor into place. “No.” I said shortly.

“No thank you Lucien.” Inigo said. “I worry it would take too long. I want to find where Silka went.”

I nodded. That is a very good question. Why didn’t she wait?

“I’m here.” Silka whispered and I nearly jumped out of my skin.

“How are you so damn quiet?” I hissed, as much out of relief as annoyance at having been caught off guard.

“Light armor.” She whispered, grinning at me as we moved forward.

“This place gives me the creeps.” Lucien groaned as we ensured that we’d taken out the rest of the Draugr in the next room. “I hate it. Even more than the last crypt we were in.”

“Agreed.” Inigo muttered.

I frowned as we moved up the spiral ramp, feeling uneasy as I caught glimpses of blades seemingly attached to the walls. “Fuck.” I murmured when as soon as Inigo touched the door, they dropped with a hiss of releasing rope, swinging across the narrow bridge.

“It looks like there’s a switch on the other side.” Lucien said. “Any chance someone could shoot it?”

I peered that way, considering. “No.” I said finally. “It’s too heavy.”

“Which means one of us is going to have to somehow cross that.” He whispered. “Is it even possible?”

Silka took her bag off and I felt alarm flare in the pit of my stomach. “Silka?”

“I can use my ethereal shout in case I miss-time my movements.” She said, giving me a reassuring smile although her voice shook. “Would’ve made Bleak Falls Barrow less harrowing if I’d had it then.” She added, her smile turning impish.

“Is that what the Shout you got from the other tomb is called?” Lucien asked.

“Are you certain how it works?” Inigo asked, his tail twitching.

“I am.” She responded. “The dragon we fought with Delphine oh so helpfully let me test it.”

“And you won’t be harmed?” I asked, staring down at her, fear making my heart beat funny.

“Oh, it hurts.” She said flippantly. “But it doesn’t leave any damage.” She crouched down by Meeko. “Stay.” She ordered softly.

The hound whined but sat, looking forlorn. She rose, looking up at me. “I’ll be fine. I promise.”

“You better be.” I muttered.

Turning she moved forward, stepping past the gate. Lucien made a soft sound and turned around. “Tell me when it’s safe to look.” He said.

Inigo hissed out a long breath. “Okay.” He agreed.

I swallowed hard, hearing my heart beating in my ears as she stepped forward as the first blade swung past. My shoulders tensed and I stared, frozen as the blade swept back, moving past her. She stepped forward again and Inigo glanced away. “It is the waiting that is worst.” He muttered.

I couldn’t tear my eyes away; certain she was going to misstep and catch a blade to her side or slip off the edge. She stepped again then suddenly went ethereal and my breath caught as the blade went through her. A few seconds later she was pulling the lever and the blades cleared back to the sides of the room. I didn’t wait to make sure it was clear I sprinted across the bridge, reaching her side in seconds, Meeko with me, running my hands over her armor, checking for injuries, my heart still loud in my ears.

After a moment she put her hands over mine and I flicked my eyes to hers. She smiled at me. “I’m fine.” She said and I realized that wasn’t the first time she’d said it.

Taking a few steadying breaths, I nodded. “Alright.”

“That was the most viscerally terrifying thing I’ve ever seen in my life and I didn’t even watch most of it.” Lucien said, his voice still high.

“Agreed.” Inigo said and I found myself nodding.

Silka shook her head. “Come on. Let’s keep going. I haven’t seen Svaknir in a while. So hopefully we’re going the right direction.”

“After that. We had better be.” Inigo grumbled.

Chapter Text

Chapter 19: Dead Bard’s Vengeance

Silka: Dead Man’s Respite

Stepping carefully past a pressure plate, I pointed it out to the others, looking ahead, trying to catch a glimpse of Svaknir. I hope he wasn’t planning on dragging us down here to get more company. I’ll have some choice words for him if he planned this to be a suicide mission.

“How much more of this place do you think there is?” Lucien asked, his voice shaking, sounding close to tears.

I paused, looking at him. “We’ll find out soon enough.” I told him, knowing I wasn’t as assuring as I had originally planned.

“I know. I know. I’m just saying.” He responded. “It’s really creepy down here.”

“It is.” Inigo agreed.

Trying not to sigh I moved forward, slipping around a corner, frowning at the ghost ahead of me. “Svaknir?” I called.

He turned, looking at me and nodded slightly before moving past a glowing door into another hallway. Moving after him I frowned over the room I approached. Been a while since we ran into a trap. Wonder when the next one will be.

Stepping carefully through the doorway I whirled when the door clanged and Lucien and Meeko let out nearly identical yelps. “We are alright.” Inigo said, approaching the door, looking past me. “You are about to be in danger.” He continued.

I spun, pick out, dragging up a ward when the approaching Draugr blasted me with an ice spell. Kaidan came in from the side, dropping it with his sword as another came forward. Moving forward, both weapons drawn for this one I came in beneath its block as it parried Kai’s first strike. Moving away I skirted the grate in the middle of the floor, Kaidan moving with me. Looking around for any potential traps I pulled the chain I found, watching the door slide up with relief, frowning over the grinding of stone, and then more Draugr were loosed into the room. Meeko and Inigo went for one, Kaidan moving toward the other as Lucien brought his shield around.

“We’re really going down?” Inigo asked, staring at the grate we’d managed to force open.

“How’s this?” I offered. “Inigo and Lucien, you two stay here and make sure the grate doesn’t close. If it goes further, we’ll call back for you to come down.”

“Thank you.” Lucien said, sitting down, “I need a break.”

Nodding I moved down the stairs, Kaidan and Meeko right behind me. “We must be pretty deep in the earth by now.” Kai muttered.

I shrugged a shoulder. “Likely. I do wonder why they spent so much time digging. The ground here is more than half frozen most of the time.”

“Prestige probably.”

“That would do it.” I agreed, halting at the second to last step, staring at the partially decomposed skeleton that laid at the bottom of the staircase. Svaknir’s ghost sat on a rock, staring down at it. “Svaknir?” I asked.

He looked at me and pointed at a book lying next to the skeleton. Crouching down I lifted it gingerly. This is old. I’m going to have to transport it carefully. Holding it in one hand I worked my bag off and dug through it for the softest clothes I could find, wrapping it carefully before I tucked it away again, noting the relieved look on the dead man’s face. When I rose, he did as well, pointing upward.

“You want us to follow again?” I asked.

He nodded and vanished. Turning I looked up at Kai. He smiled down at me, glancing up before leaning close and kissing me lightly on the lips.

I smiled, looking up at him as he pulled back a touch. “What was that for?” I asked, feeling warmed by the gesture.

He laughed quietly, moving closer, brushing my hair over my shoulder. “I haven’t done it enough today.” He responded, lifting my chin to give me a deeper kiss. “Mm, if we weren’t in a tomb, I’d say I could do that all day.”

I laughed, reaching my hand up to rest on the side of his face. “Agreed.” How did I get lucky enough to find you? Sighing softly, shaking the thought away to mull over later, I jerked my head toward the stairs. “Let’s get going.”

“Was there anything down there?” Lucien asked as we rejoined him and Inigo.

“The book.” I responded. “But we’re not quite done here.” I gave Inigo a sympathetic look when he groaned. “I know. But you remember that sealed door on the way here?”

“You think it’ll be open now?”

I nodded toward the ghostly Bard standing in the doorway. “I think he’ll open for us.”

The dead man grinned and nodded, turning away. “Alright. Let’s get this over with.” Lucien groaned as we started walking. “Can we actually make it to Solitude after this? I would really like to get a proper hot bath after all the ponds and pots.”

“That is the goal.” I responded, watching the Bard unseal the door, not too surprised when it opened to the corridor lined with motifs before a claw puzzle door.

“I was wondering when we would run into that door.” Inigo said. “I’ve never been past one with you. We always turned back at this point.” He mused.

“We did.” I agreed, examining the claw. Kaidan laughed as soon as I stretched up, coming in close behind me, resting a hand on my waist.

“What symbol am I looking for?” He asked.

I looked at the claw again, just to make sure. “Wolf.” I responded, twisting the middle ring as he pushed the outer one. “Wolf, hawk, wolf.” I murmured, moving the claw into position as soon as the rings were set.

Stashing the claw away as the door began to recede I smiled over the memories of the first door Kaidan and I had gone through. Tempted to always “forget” to ask him for help with these doors. Seems to amuse him.

Stepping carefully into the room at the end of the hall I startled as the door slammed shut behind me, narrowly missing my lute, locking me away from everyone this time. I stepped close to it for a second, reaching a hand out, resting my palm against Kaidan’s, noting the furious glint in his eye. “I’ll find the trigger.” I promised, dropping my pack by the door, patting my smaller waist pouch to check the potions there, hesitating over my lute and frowning as I slung it back over my shoulder, shifting it so I could still reach my bow. Just seems right.

Moving away, I drew my war pick, pulling up a ward as I noted the number of Draugr sitting on stone chairs around the room. Svaknir stood in the middle of the room, sword drawn.

“Well met Bard.” He said, then nodded toward the Draugr surrounding us. “Olaf’s honor guard.” He explained, then looked up at the coffin at the top of the stairs. “Olaf! Face me!” He shouted, drawing his sword and gesturing toward the rising Draugr. “Are you prepared to fight, young bard?” He asked.

I gave him a slight nod then darted toward the one nearest me, dodging a sword to rap it solidly with the pick as he dropped another, mentally blocking out the sounds of my companions, focusing on the fight. “How does the door open?” I asked, casting oakflesh as another pair of Draugr moved toward me, glancing up the stairs, hearing the faint sound of drums. Word Wall. As expected.

“It will not until King Olaf is defeated.” He responded, darting past me after another Draugr as I dispatched the one in front of me as it tried to turn around, tracking the ghost.

Hissing in pain as an arrow caught my arm, I turned to face the archer. “Wuld!” I Shouted, sprinting at it, swinging my axe out as I drew abreast of it, spinning to face the room again, yanking the arrow out as I cast a healing spell.

“You are a Tongue and a Bard?” Svaknir asked as we met again in the middle after the Draugr lay unmoving.

“I…” I frowned, recasting my ward to replenish its power. “Can use Shouts yes. I am Dragonborn.”

 “Well met.” He said, pausing again next to me. “Are you prepared to face Olaf?” He asked as I cast another healing spell to deal with a few nicks.

I frowned as I glanced up at the dais. As long as I don’t get too close to the Word Wall. “Yes.”

“Olaf!” He shouted, moving forward, grumbling something too low for me to hear as four Draugr rose on the first stair landing.

Moving forward with the ghost I split away toward an archer, “Fus Ro Dah!” I Shouted, staggering both Draugr on that side back, sending the archer tumbling down off the landing. Running forward I slammed the back end of my war pick into the Draugr, biting back a scream of pain as an arrow lodged itself into my left shoulder. Over the roaring in my ears, I heard a distant cry of rage and forced myself not to look toward the door, blocking out the sounds of my companions once again as I moved away from the fallen Draugr to verify the death of the archer I’d thrown. Spinning around I let out a long breath as Svaknir stepped away from the second archer.

Walking to the center of the landing I reached over my shoulder and grasped the arrow, wrenching it out and casting a healing spell, breathing out slowly as it worked to knit the flesh back together. I am getting dangerously low on magicka. Even with potions. Pulling a stamina potion and magicka potion out of my waist pouch I downed them as Svaknir looked up at the coffin.

“Olaf! Coward! Face your end!”

The coffin lid exploded outward and a heavily armored Draugr pulled himself out of the stone box. Looking down at us he hissed as he drew an axe and frost sparkled around his other hand. “Bards.” He snarled, casting the frost spell my direction.

I stepped to the side, recasting my ward for a third time, casting oakflesh again for good measure as Svaknir sprinted up the stairs to meet him. Stay away from the word wall. Sheathing my melee weapons, I worked my bow free, nocking an arrow, letting it fly, catching the King in his forearm. As he side-stepped a slash from Svaknir he looked in my direction. “Zun Haal Viik” He Shouted and I staggered back as my bow was ripped from my hands and thrown down the stairs.

“Damn it.” I hissed, drawing a throwing knife and flinging it toward him, letting out a sharp laugh when it lodged in his empty eye socket. Thought you’d gotten rid of my ranged weapons, did you?

Svaknir pressed the advantage gained by my action and thrust his sword through the King’s chest, slamming his palm into the dead King’s chin, snapping his head back.

I drew another throwing knife, narrowing my eyes then throwing it as the King tried to struggle back, frowning as it narrowly missed him. Svaknir yanked his sword free then drove it in again and the King shuddered, sliding down to the ground as the ghost freed his sword once again. Walking up the stairs to meet him I was almost immediately blinded by the word reaching out from the wall, wincing from the pain of it.

Svaknir nodded at me, smiling, pulling his lute free. He pointed at my lute and I nodded, moving it around, resting my fingers on the strings, hearing footsteps distantly as the dead bard began to play. The music was unfamiliar, but I found myself playing along with him anyway, the notes forming in my mind as the music echoed around us.

“Thank you.” Svaknir said, reaching a hand out and pressing it into my forehead before vanishing.

A chill waved over me as the song imprinted in my memory and I staggered, shivering, feeling darkness steal over my vision.

“Are you sure we shouldn’t press on for Solitude?” Lucien asked, his voice breaking through the fog in my head. “She might need a stronger healer than I am. I’m sure we’d find one in the temple.”

I shifted, feeling a hand immediately press to my forehead. “Don’t move yet.” Kaidan ordered.

Prying my eyes open I stared up at him, the cloudy sky beyond telling me we were outside the tomb. “What happened?”

“I was hoping you could tell us that.” He responded, a worried look in his eyes. “You collapsed after the ghost touched you.”

“Did I?” I frowned, mulling it over. “Must’ve overworked myself. Between the Draugr, the Word and the Song.” Reaching a hand up I pressed it to my temples. “How long was I out?”

“Several hours my friend. We were becoming quite concerned.” Inigo supplied as Meeko thrust his cold nose against my neck.

I jerked away from the touch. “Ah, Damn it Meeko.” I complained, accepting Kaidan’s aid to sit upright. “Your nose is cold.”

The hound gave me a contrite look before resting his head in my lap, thumping his tail softly. I smiled down at him, stroking his ears as I looked at my companions. “I’ll be alright.” I assured them. “It’s not the first time I’ve pushed myself too hard.” And I doubt it will be the last.

Kai let out a vexed sigh. “Why did the gate close so fast?” He murmured.

“My guess, if it wasn’t just extra sensitive, is it may have been keyed to bards.” I offered. “At least, that’s what makes sense to me. Wonder if it would have gone off immediately if one of you had been in front.”

“That would make sense.” Lucien mused. “He seemed to really hate Bards.” He laughed. “But Svaknir is free and now we can head up to Solitude and convince them to reinstate the Burning of King Olaf.”

“Seems fitting.” Kaidan growled.

“But let us rest here for a while first.” Inigo suggested. “It will be nightfall soon. And there is water here and we don’t know what we’ll find going back this way. Unless we wanted to retrace our steps? Go back over the mountain?”

I shook my head. “I’m a bit tired. Plus, I think we’re all going to be sore in the morning. Better to go around, should hook up to the road…” I looked for my pack, leaning for it and pulling the map off, opening it on my knee. “Yes. There’s a road here.”

“Oh good.” Lucien piped up. “I wasn’t looking forward to that trail again.”

“Did anyone happen to grab my bow?” I asked, glancing at the equipment.

Kaidan winced and the other two busied themselves looking elsewhere. I sighed, dragging my bag over. “Going to guess you didn’t grab my throwing knives either?” I asked, rooting out my bathing supplies.

“Those we did recover.” Kai said quickly. “As well as King Olaf’s axe. It looks like it’s made of Ebony. And it’s got a strange shine to it. We thought you might want it.”

“Well, that’s something at least.” I shrugged. “Don’t worry too much about the bow. It wasn’t the one the Thalmor took from me after all. I’ll see about getting a new one in Solitude." Irritating though. But maybe I can be more selective, find something nice. "So, where's this axe?”

Inigo pulled it off his bag and passed it over. I studied it quietly, tracing my fingers down the handle, touching a hair of magic to it, trying to figure out the enchantment. “Frost enchantment I believe. I’d need an enchanting table and tools to know for sure but that’s my guess. It is very pretty.”

Unsheathing the steel axe I’d been using, I passed it over to Inigo. “Here, since you carried this one you ought to sell this. It’s not worth the same I’m certain but…” I shrugged. “It’s something.”

Inigo shook his head, accepting the axe. “I would never ask you for money for equipment Silka. You should remember that.”

“I should.” I agreed, hefting the bag and looking around. “Did you scout a good spot for bathing?” I asked, certain they had by the lack of dirt and blood on Inigo and Lucien.

“Yes.” Kai said, grabbing his own bathing kit. “I’ll show you where it is.”

“Meeko, stay with me.” Inigo ordered, pulling a strip of meat out of his pack to distract the hound. “We will set up camp the rest of the way.”

“You’re certain you’re alright?” Kai asked, running his fingers carefully over my shoulder as he helped me unstrap armor, his own armor already shed.

“I’m certain I’m tired.” I responded, sagging against him for a moment, trying to normalize my breathing, clutching the small pouch of soap in tired fingers.

Running fingers over my arm he checked both arrow wounds. “We need to get cleaned up, then I can look at these better.” Before I could move toward the water, he lifted me off the ground, carrying me in.

“I can walk.” I protested, shivering as a cold breeze ruffled my hair.

“You can.” He acknowledged, setting me down in the water. “Doesn’t mean you have to.”

Shaking my head with a small laugh I pulled soap free, handing him some and attending to my skin, moving to a slightly deeper part of the pond, ducking under to wet my hair before scrubbing soap through it, wishing idly for a proper bath and proper hair soap. Rinsing my hair, I sighed as I looked up toward the sun. Inigo was right. It’s going to set soon.

Warm, heavily muscled arms encircled me and I willingly leaned back into Kaidan’s embrace. “If I ever have to see you fight without my aid again, it’ll be too soon.” He murmured, pressing lips to my shoulder, skimming teeth along the side of my neck.

“Mm.” I agreed. “It wasn’t pleasant.” I took risks I shouldn’t have. Too used to having more people at my back. Especially him. I don’t think I would have taken that second arrow if Kai had been there.

He ran his fingers carefully over the arrow wounds, pushing slightly, looking for me to react. "They look good. Might be a little sore for a couple days." He said, resting his fingers on my shoulder.

"Alright." I responded, leaning back into him, shivering as he kissed the side of my neck again, tilting my head, enjoying his ministrations.

Letting out a small noise as he lifted me, I twisted in his arms, lifting my hand and teasing my fingers through his wet hair, meeting his eyes when he looked down at me. There was still worry there and I frowned over it, shifting my hand to his cheek, lifting myself up to kiss him when he put me down.

He let out a small sound and returned the kiss aggressively, bringing a hand to my lower back, pressing me against him, running his other hand along my side, caressing, moving it up to the back of my head as I pulled back from the kiss, pulling me into another, making another soft sound as he broke it, moving his hands to settle on my hips, looking down at me, his expression conflicted. Heat warred with deep worry and I skimmed my hands along his sides, smiling up at him when he shivered, relieved as heat overtook his expression and he shifted his hands to my ass, moving his mouth to the side of my jaw, nibbling and kissing.

I moaned softly, cognizant of the mountains around us, certain it would echo if I let myself be too vocal. Moving a hand around I slid it down the length of his cock, feeling it harden in my hand, grinning at the muffled sound he made in response, stroking him with the pads of my fingers, shifting my hand to cup his balls.

He hissed out a long breath, moving one hand to the inside of my thigh. He skimmed it quickly up, teasing my clit, weakening my knees with arousal. Sinking to the ground together, I pushed lightly on his shoulder. He shifted, laying down, pulling me down with him. Shaking my head at him I pulled away, hovering over him, giving him a heated look as I reached down, lining his cock up by touch, sinking down onto him with a sigh that turned into a deep moan as he filled me. Sitting still for a moment, adjusting to the position I rested my hands on my hips, shifting them, watching his face as I moved, pleased by the expression there, reaching down to manipulate my clit, amused by the small sound he made as he watched me, tightening around him as I drove myself over the edge. He moaned as I panted, lifting his hands, resting them on my ass before curling himself up slightly, running his hands up my back, tugging me down. It slowed our movements, and I pushed back, wrinkling my nose at him. He laughed in response, a deep throaty laugh that sent shivers up my spine as he tugged me to him again and rolled us over, bracing himself over me, taking control of the pace as I wrapped my legs around him. Something flickered in his eyes as he looked down at me and he picked up the pace, groaning and shuddering as he reached his own release, resting his forehead against my shoulder, breathing hard.

“Silka.” He murmured.

“Mm?” I asked, watching his face as he lifted himself up above me again.

He shook his head, ducking down to kiss me before pulling out and shifting to lift me, carrying me back into the water so we could rinse the newly acquired dirt and sweat away. 

Chapter Text

Chapter 20: Acknowledging Feelings

Kaidan: Near Dead Man’s Respite

Holding Silka close to me as she slept, I studied the aurora that danced above us, listening to Inigo and Lucien sleeping nearby. Today was… I sighed, trying to block out the memories. That arrow. I shook my head, listening to her breathe, trying to let it sooth my tension. I never thought Bard work would lead to situations like this. I’ve almost lost her too many times. I felt my arm convulse slightly, frowning, trying to still it as Silka shifted.

“You alright?” She murmured, her voice heavy with sleep.

“Just thinking about today.” I responded, keeping my voice just as low.

“Ah.” She shifted, resting her head and one hand on my chest.

“Were you frightened?” I whispered.

“I was too busy fighting the Draugr to be frightened.”

Lifting her braid in my hand I twisted it around, careful not to pull, Brynjar’s lessons on fear echoing in my head. “I may have been frightened enough for both of us then.” You felt no fear? Facing that many Draugr and you felt no fear? Why does that strike me so much as a bad thing?

She sighed, shifting, nuzzling her face into the side of my neck. “I’m sorry I made you worry Kai.”

Turning carefully, moving her with me I pulled her flush against me before kissing the top of her head. “Don’t be.” Just try not to get into such a situation again. “How are you holding up?”

She yawned, half curling her body so she was more comfortable. “I’m tired.” She admitted. “Looking forward to seeing Viarmo and the other Bards.”

“You really look up to him then?” I asked.

“Yes. He’s a brilliant man. And I am intensely curious what his opinion will be on all this. Plus, we need to talk to Giraud when he has access to his library. See if he has a copy of ‘Dragon Language’ that we can study while we’re there.”

“That would be good.” I agreed. “I am curious what we’ll find out.” Kissing her hair again I let out a low sigh. “Get some rest darling. I’ll watch over ya.”

She let out a soft laugh. “You spoil me.”

Resting my head on hers I held her as her breathing deepened and she dropped off again. If this is your definition of spoiled… I need to show you what that word really means.

Solitude

“Oh wow.” Lucien breathed. “This place is… wow. This place is the most impressive city I’ve seen in Skyrim yet.”

Silka laughed. “It is pretty impressive. There’s a lot of history in this place.”

I frowned as I followed her through the streets. Of course Lucien likes it here. Too many people for my tastes.

Silka walked easily, evidently well versed in the layout of the streets, Meeko at her side, his tail low, his ears flat, obviously uncomfortable, startling every time a local stray flashed by or growled at him. Glancing at Inigo I noted that he was taking everything in with interest and felt a wash of irritation. Am I the only one beside the dog that’s uncomfortable here?

Abruptly Silka stopped, glancing around, moving swiftly into an alleyway.

“Who are we avoiding?” Inigo asked, amusement plain in his tone.

Silka grumbled something under her breath, glancing over her shoulder. “Thane Erikur.”

“And why are we avoiding a Thane?” Lucien asked.

She stopped, leaning back into the shadows of the alley. “It was the High King’s father who made him Thane. High King Torygg didn’t feel like he was able to demote him even though he makes Jarl Elisif uncomfortable.”

“Why hasn’t Jarl Elisif demoted him?” Inigo asked.

Silka sighed, shaking her head, glancing around again, even glancing upward before answering. “Erikur is powerful. He has a lot of connections and a lot of money. Owns a few of the buildings that have businesses run out of them. It would be politically dangerous for her to unseat him when so much of the court turns to him for a whiff of power.”

“But you don’t own a business. So why are you avoiding him?” Lucien asked.

She wrinkled her nose. “Erikur has certain proclivities. There are only so many ways you can politely rebuff someone and I’ve just about exhausted them. Once I run out, whatever I say next is likely to require me to avoid Solitude for some time.” She half shrugged. “I don’t want to have that discussion with Viarmo.”

“What kind of proclivities?” Lucien asked, looking uncomfortable.

“The kind that make a young woman like Jarl Elisif uncomfortable. The kind that has her Housecarl at her side close to every hour of the day.”

“Perhaps they’re doing more than just protecting her?” Lucien suggested, lifting an eyebrow.

Silka blinked at him. “If you repeat that where any of the court can hear I will not defend you when he challenges you to hand-to-hand combat for questioning Jarl Elisif’s honor.”

He grimaced. “I would never dream of it.”

She nodded. “Good. Alright, let’s keep moving. We’ve stood around gossiping long enough.”

Coming out of the alleyway Silka glanced around before moving across the street and up the steps of an old building, the stonework impressive even to my view. Pushing the door open she strode in, putting her hands on her hips after we all cleared the door, looking around the room.

A High Elf immediately moved forward, gesturing toward the others as Silka politely inclined her head. “Master Viarmo.” She greeted.

The man gave her a stern look. “Silka. How is it that you’ve managed to create so much havoc in your short time as a working bard?”

“It’s what happens when historians leave their colleges Master.” She responded; her tone respectful with a burr of amusement.

He laughed, his entire demeanor changing to one that exuded warmth. “Come. Giraud said you were running his errand for him. Was it successful?”

“I believe so.” She responded, waving us forward. “Master Viarmo these are my companions. Kaidan, Inigo, Lucien and of course, Meeko.”

He paused, surveying us. “You have interesting taste in traveling companions young one. Allow me a moment to consider them while we walk.”

“Of course.” She agreed while I felt my brow furrow.

What does he mean by That?

Entering a library, I let out a low whistle at the number of books. Silka was right to suggest here to search for information about my sword. Perhaps they do have the right book.

The Breton we’d met on the road moved forward, his eyes light with good humor. “You made it.”

“We did. I didn’t look at the book though. It was a fascinating experience. You’ll enjoy it I’m certain. I wrote down what happened but…” She lowered her voice. “Svaknir’s ghost was there. He led us through the ruin to his body and the book. And King Olaf himself was buried there!”

“Did you get your word as the Greybeards predicted?” He asked, scrounging for a book and dipping a quill in ink, scribbling things down.

“Yes.”

“Ah yes. The ability to use the Thu’um. Can you demonstrate the word you learned in King Olaf’s tomb?” Viarmo asked.

Silka shook her head. “It would be a bad idea to use it in here. It’s part of a Shout called Whirlwind Sprint and I’m afraid I would end up going through a door or, breaking myself against a wall.” She laughed, then flushed as she realized that Inigo, Lucien and I were all still standing awkwardly around. “You three can sit. Generally, you can look through the books. Just make sure your hands are clean and return it to the exact spot you got it from.”

Giraud glanced up at her, a smile on his face. “Maybe you should come back and run the library.” He suggested. “Do that until I get too old to search out and recirculate the histories.”

“And take away one of your favorite pastimes?” She shook her head. “Master Giraud. I would never.” She responded, pulling her pack off and taking out the bundle that held the book. “I have no idea what condition it’s in. It’s been at the bottom of a tomb for quite some time. King Olaf was determined to bury it away.”

“Well, let me look it over.” Giraud responded. “I’ll bring what I find to you.” Taking the book, he vanished through a back door.

“Master Viarmo. How have things been here?” Silka asked, her voice suddenly worried. “With. Everything. With the…” She lowered her voice. “The Thalmor and the other… events.”

“Your being Dragonborn you mean.” He replied, shaking his head. “The Thalmor have yet to give stock to that so they have not redoubled their efforts to bring you into custody.”

“You think they will?” She asked, biting her lip, worry creasing her brow.

Frowning I put my book to the side and rose, moving to her side. Viarmo looked at me, his eyes flicking quickly between Silka and I. “Delacourt wrote to me about your companions and…” He nodded toward Inigo who was explaining a bit of music theory to Meeko. “Your planned companions. Are you certain that traveling with this Bounty Hunter is safe?”

I scowled. “I would never betray someone for money.” I said harshly. “No matter the amount. I have scruples.”

He nodded, making a placating gesture. “That’s not what I was getting at young man.” He sighed, glancing at the door before gesturing toward it with a sharp scent of magicka. “We may talk freely now.” He sighed, looking at me. “The Thalmor have made it their business to ensure that your description has been circulated widely. Along with a bounty amount for information to your whereabouts.”

“That’s not unexpected. They seem a bit obsessed with my sword.” I responded.

He shook his head. “No. It’s not their normal.” He frowned, glancing to see that Inigo and Lucien still appeared to be distracted but lowered his voice anyway. “It is possible that they are under the impression that you may be the Dragonborn.”

I snorted. “Let them believe that. It takes pressure off Silka.”

“But you travel with her." He pointed out.  "Regardless. They’ve sent quite a few agents into the College to try and garner what information they can about the Dragonborn. Trying to sort it out.”

“Which suggests that they weren’t behind the dragons returning as some suspect.” Silka mused, perching on a table.

“Silka is being hunted by them regardless" I grumbled. "She’s safer traveling with me.”

Viarmo frowned, tapping his chin as Inigo and Lucien kept up a quiet chatter in the background. “I can see why you would reach that conclusion. Silka. Go check on Giraud.” He suggested.

She lifted an eyebrow but nodded, hopping down from the table and moving over to the office. Viarmo watched, waiting until she’d been admitted after knocking and turned to me. “One moment. Please stay here.” He turned to Inigo and Lucien. “You must be hungry after traveling for so long. I am certain that Silka will be pulled in many directions while here. There is no reason for you to stick to her side so closely. Why don’t you go and mingle with the bard students or wander the city? Just keep your dog close to you. The local strays are quite territorial.”

“Come Lucien. Let me show you to my favorite inn in all of Solitude. And we should buy rooms while we’re there. The Skeever fills up too quickly.” Inigo said, tapping his hip so Meeko would follow him.

“I would like to wander the city.” Lucien agreed. “I have a feeling Silka prefers to spend all her time here.”

“You’d be correct.” Viarmo said evenly, walking with them to the door, recasting his spell after they’d left. “Excellent. I wished to speak to you privately.”

“Why is that?”

“Have you run into any of Silka’s family members?” He asked, moving to a pitcher and pouring out two goblets, offering me one.

I took it, not wanting to be rude, sniffing it, finding it to be wine and taking a small sip. “Yes. Her brothers.”

“Brothers. Plural.” He nodded. “That’s what I was worried you would say.” He frowned, his gaze not leaving me. “About how long ago was that?”

I calculated, thinking it through. “About six or seven weeks ago.”

“Were you already in love with her?”

I choked on the wine, barely managing to keep from coughing it out.

He lifted an eyebrow, cutting off any protest I could muster. “I only ask because it is possible that Silka’s fiancé has given the Thalmor more reason to suspect your being a person of interest to get you out of the picture. But. I suspect that he did not think you were in love.”

Was I already in love with her at that point? “I hadn’t really thought about it.” I responded. I’d known I felt strongly for her by then. But did I know it was tipping toward love? I never believed it was possible to fall in love so quickly. I sighed. “I made her a promise. That I would protect her. I owe her a debt.”

“Delacourt said something about that in his letter. What kind of debt could a swordsman of your caliber have to a bard?”

I snorted. “As if Silka isn’t capable of holding her own.”

“No. But your reputation is widely known. To the point that I could see a certain werewolf finding it hard to find other willing to take his Bounty Contract.”

I nodded. “Yes. I’ve had this discussion with an associate. There aren’t a great many Bounty Hunters that I know of who enjoy picking up capture contracts in the first place. If I had seen the initial contract on Silka I may have taken it up but… Not the capture contract and now…”

“You would not turn on your lover.”

“No. No I would not.”

He shook his head. “Are you going to answer my question?”

“She saved my life.” I responded. “I owe her.”

The door to the office creaked open and Silka and Giraud emerged, both frowning and muttering to each other. “What happened?” Viarmo asked. “Was the book too badly damaged?”

“Parts of the verse were damaged. We’re trying to figure out how to make it work. See if we can fix it enough to make it make sense. I pointed out that we very much needed your permission to alter a text such as this one.” Giraud explained.

The Headmaster nodded, moving to join them.

Watching Silka speak in low tones with them I frowned. Am I that transparent? I’ve known for a bit now that my intense feels for her were probably love. Never identified it to myself. I can’t see the point. She’s so leery of anything that suggests someone might be willing to stick around for the long term. Leaning against the bookcase I found my thoughts turning to our conversation about marriage. And yet, the idea that I’m not cut out for marriage is what upset me most about having that conversation. I’d never thought it would, but it did. I sighed, half smiling to see her so animated and comfortable. It did because I assumed she’d want marriage. Haven’t I always been told that that’s every young woman’s dream? To get married one day. The thought that Silka might find that kind of connection with someone else agitates me. It should have been purely relief when I realized she was just sketching. But, if Viarmo is right… if what I’m feeling is love… I felt warmth spread through my chest when she glanced up and smiled when she caught me watching her. That soft smile that choked my breathing and made me want to promise her the world. If I were to marry anyone. I would want it to be her. Has my fear of her rejecting me caused me to downplay my feelings to myself?

She laughed at something Giraud said and backed off from the table. “I’ll leave it to you then.” She offered.

“When it’s complete I want you to come to the Blue Palace with me to present it to the Jarl.” Viarmo warned. “Shouldn’t take us more than a couple more hours. In the meantime. Go. Get something to eat and remember to use a scented soap when you get ready.”

She nodded. “I remember how it works. Did you want me to play the lute song Svaknir gave me?”

“I’ll tell Inge about it and she’ll tell you if it’s something worth remembering.” He responded.

“Alright. I’ll be back in a few hours.” Moving away from her teachers she reached a hand out toward me, smiling up at me when I grasped it.

“Ready to go then?” I asked, looking quickly away when Viarmo gave me a knowing look.

“Yes. Where did the others go?”

“Inigo wanted to show Lucien to the Winking Skeever and buy him a drink. They took Meeko with them.”

“Did you want to go the Fletcher first then? See about getting me a new bow?” She asked.

“Alright.” I agreed, pausing as she did when we neared the door.

“Ataf.” She said. “I’m heading out for now. We’ll catch up after I’ve had a chance to get things taken care of in the city. You can tell me all the college gossip I’ve missed out on.”

The Redguard she addressed looked up from his book and tilted his head sideways, studying us. “I… yes.” He grinned. “You trying to incite gossip? Or did Aia misunderstand you completely?”

Silka shook her head. “I would never try to guess what’s going on in Aia’s head.”

“Probably smart.” He agreed. “I’ll see you later.”

“What was that about?” I asked as we stepped outside.

“Oh. I had a reputation as being pretty cold hearted while I was here.”

“You?” I scofffed, smiling down at her.

“Surprised?” She asked, looking up at me, her eyes bright.

Gods. Viarmo is right. I knew I felt strongly for you but… Damn. “Well, yes.”

“Maybe you just bring out the best in me.” She responded, moving with me through the streets.

“How long do you think we’ll be in Solitude?” I wondered, changing the subject, and scanning the crowds with a frown. Focus on what’s going on. You’re too close to the Thalmor Embassy to get complacent.  

“Not too long. A few days. Just long enough to handle the festival and square things away with Viarmo and the college.” She sighed. “It’s a bit busy now for my tastes. Plus. Can’t find words if we’re holed up here.”

So, I’m not the only one who doesn’t like the bustle. I should have guessed. We walked in companionable silence the rest of the way to the Fletcher, Silka pushing the door open easily, nodding to the fletcher as he greeted us.

“What are you in the market for today?” He asked, eying my bow with undisguised interest.

“I need a bow.” Silka said, tossing her hair over her shoulder.

“What kind of weight are you looking for?” He asked, moving toward a weapon rack that had several bows displayed.

“Something heavier than a standard hunting bow but nothing near what he’s got.” She responded, jerking her head toward me with a smile.

“No. I can’t imagine there are a great many archers who can utilize his bow.” He said with a grin. “It looks like a war bow?”

I nodded slightly. “It is.” Taking it around I offered it to him.

He puffed out a long breath. “Masterful work. The Legion archers I knew would have been jealous of this work.”

“Didn’t you used to be a Ranger?” Silka asked, pulling down a bow made of a dark brown wood.

“I was, but as with your tastes, our preferences ran to lighter, faster bows.” He responded, eying the bow she’d chosen. “That one’s a good one. I get most of my bows from the bowyer in Whiterun and in return he gets arrows from my apprentice and I.”

“Ah, Elrindir right?” Silka asked.

“Yes. You know him?”

“A little. I trained some of my smithing with Adrienne, so it wasn’t uncommon for me to pop over to the Huntsman for a drink. He kept trying to get me to learn how to make bows myself.” She sighed, stringing the bow with practiced ease. “I suppose it would make my life easier.”

The dark elf laughed. “Perhaps, but it takes a very long time to master either skill.”

“It does.” She agreed, passing over the required septims, trading some arrows and more septims for a bundle of better quality.

“A pleasure doing business with you.” He said pleasantly as we turned to leave.

Stepping outside, Silka froze, shading her eyes and looking up. “Should’ve guessed with how long it’s been. Fuck.”

“Dragon?” I guessed.

She nodded, running toward the left where I could hear the clashing of swords against training dummies. A man moved to intercept her, a Captain by his insignia.

“What is it citizen?” He asked.

“Dragon.” She responded, “It’s coming in fast. They seem to like to attack cities.”

Especially cities that you ’re in. Need to find out if they’re attracted to you.

“How do you know?”

She puffed out a sigh. “Captain. I know.” She said quietly. “I know.”

He shook his head. “I’ll need more than…” He trailed off as the first cry echoed overhead.

Shaking my head over his frivolity I drew my bow, moving swiftly to Silka’s side as she cast her stoneflesh spell and drew her new bow. “Let’s see what Elrindir sent Fihada and hope it was something good.” She murmured as the dragon flashed overhead.

“Frost.” She identified. “It’s a Frost dragon!” She shouted, drawing the attention of some of the Imperial soldiers even as she loosed her first arrow as it hovered overhead, drawing its attention.

I really wish you’d stop that. Loosing my own arrow, I felt relief as I registered the sheer number of arrows that peppered into it. Magicka arching into is from another direction. It managed to wheel once, spitting frost into the ranks of soldiers, causing chaos among those hit, earning shouts from the Captain, when it landed, sweeping its tail, roaring its fury as Silka and several soldiers darted forward to engage it in melee, another volley of arrows and magic assisting their push. It snapped at the melee fighters and I loosed my next shot as I started moving forward when it shuddered, letting out another cry as it succumbed to the combined force.

As the mages came into view, I froze, slowly lowering my bow as I registered the gold edged robes on one of them, galvanizing myself, moving swiftly to Silka’s side as she dropped to her knees to brace for the soul. Grimacing as the soldiers jumped back when the dragon’s flesh crackled with energy, I watched the Thalmor to see that he was ignoring the dragon, staring our way. Fuck.

“Dragonborn!” The Captain gasped. “It’s… It’s an honor! How did you know the dragon was headed this way?”

I tuned out Silka’s response, watching the Thalmor, heart in my throat. After a long moment he nodded his head and moved away, flanked almost immediately by a pair of armed guards. My gaze tracked back to the number of Imperial Soldiers and Solitude guards clustered around and I knew there was nothing I could do to intercept them. Fuck.

Chapter Text

Chapter 21: Would It Be So Bad?

Silka: Solitude

“I can’t believe we missed it.” Lucien grumbled, sipping at his second goblet of wine.

“It’s alright.” I responded, patting his arm gently. “It chose the worst possible location for an attack. Pretty much guaranteed its demise where it was.” Sipping at my water I stared in the direction of the bathing rooms, waiting for Kaidan. He’d been particularly grumpy as we’d talked to Corpulus but shook his head and muttered ‘later’ when I’d asked him if he was alright.

A moment later I spotted him and smiled. There you are. Glancing around I frowned when I spotted Aia moving toward him, pushing back from the table. “Excuse me a moment.” I said when Lucien raised an eyebrow. Walking toward Kaidan swiftly I stepped between him and the approaching Imperial woman, lifting on tiptoe to wrap my arms around him and plant a kiss on his cheek. He didn’t hesitate to return the embrace or give me a light kiss of his own and I felt a deep sense of pleasure that had nothing to do with blocking the other bard.

“You alright?” He murmured.

I smiled. “I am now.” I responded, grasping his hand and tugging him toward the table, amused by the blank look on Aia’s face. 

“Where’s Inigo?” Kaidan asked as he sat, accepting the platter of venison and vegetables that I pushed in front of him.

“He’s gambling.” Lucien responded. “Says it’s an easier habit to control than Skooma.”

“He’s got Meeko with him.” I added, sipping more water.

“What do you think of Solitude, Kaidan?” Lucien asked.

“Too many people.” He responded, smiling at me when I made a noise of agreement.

“Lucien. I must head up to the Blue Palace. Viarmo’s orders. Did you want to tag along?” I offered; certain he would enjoy it.

“Of course!” He chirped, “When do you go?”

“In less than an hour now.” I responded, resting my chin on my palm. “Were you and Inigo able to get rooms squared away?”

“Yes. They had a couple left. We got two. Inigo and I don’t mind sharing. He doesn’t snore too loudly and claims the same of me. You’re not going to be staying at the Bard’s College?”

“I haven’t decided yet honestly. It depends on how things go at the Blue Palace.”

“You’re going to the Blue Palace?” A slightly familiar voice asked, sounding almost scandalized.

I shifted in my chair to see one of the owners of the clothing shop Radiant Raiment eying my clothing with obvious distaste and lifted my eyebrow. “Taarie right?”

The Altmer frowned. “Yes. You’re not planning to wear that are you?”

“It’s what I currently have available.” I responded, keeping my voice mild, remembering how easily she misunderstood tone.

Frowning, she tapped her chin. “May I speak with you for a moment?”

Pushing back from the table, I rose. “Of course.”

Moving into a quiet corner she glanced around a bit then nodded. “You’re really going to the Blue Palace?”

“Yes.”

“In those clothes?”

“Yes Taarie.” I responded, feeling a bit exasperated.

She frowned. “Hmm. There are a lot of influential people in the Blue Palace. If you would wear one of my outfits and openly answer questions on where you got it, I’ll let you keep the clothes as payment.”

I nodded. “I can do that. Meet me at the Bard’s College with them?”

She huffed out a long, relieved breath. “Thank you Silka. I’ll meet you there.”

I watched her move rapidly toward the door, frowning. They make good clothing. Why would they be so desperate for more customers?

“Are you alright?” Kaidan asked, startling me as he moved to my side.

I nodded. “Yes. Just a lot on my mind.”

“Well, whatever it is. I’m here for ya.” He said quietly, brushing my hair back from my face and kissing me lightly on the lips. “Even if it involves nobles.”

 “I take it you’d rather not accompany me?” I murmured.

He shook his head, resting his hand on the side of my face. “I’m going to accompany you. I can’t very well be your shield if I’m not with you.”

“I suppose that’s true.” I acknowledged, warmed by his words. What did I do to deserve you? It seems selfish to rely on you so much. How badly will you be affected when Alduin kills me? I leaned into his touch, letting it ease some of the tension being in Solitude dredged up.

As long as I can keep you from being hurt. The safest thing would be to do this alone… But the thought of asking you to leave… I blinked back sudden tears. Divines, I’m selfish. Trying to push the thoughts out of my head I straightened. “Best get moving. Viarmo will be quite displeased if I’m late.” I said, forcing cheer into my voice.

His brow furrowed and he gave me a concerned look which I returned with a half-smile. “A little nervous?” He asked, moving with me toward the door as Lucien joined us.

“A little.” I agreed. But not for the reasons you’re thinking of.

“We managed to cobble something together that resembles the rest of the verse.” Giraud said as soon as we stepped into the library. “Viarmo is going to recite it but you need to go with him.”

“I sent Ataf to request an audience with Jarl Elisif and she agreed for early this evening.” Viarmo said easily. “Which means you have time to play that new song for Inge. Walk with me. I would also like to hear it. You two. Stay here.”

“I’m expecting Taarie with some clothing for me.” I said quickly. “She seemed appalled at the idea of my going to the Blue Palace dressed like this.”

“She’s right.” He responded, “And I am pleased to hear that she’s assisting you with this.” He paused in an empty hallway, turning to look at me. “What is troubling you?” He asked, his expression gentle.

“What do you mean?”

“In regards to the Bounty Hunter who accompanies you. What is troubling you?”

I closed my eyes, letting out a shuddering breath. You see too much. “I worry I’m relying on him too much. That I’m already too close to him.”

He smiled, shaking his head. “Would that be so terrible?”

“I…” I looked down, realizing I was playing with the amulet Kai had given me and felt my brow furrow. “I don’t want to hurt him. And this is Alduin we’re talking about. There’s very little chance I’ll survive.”

“You would deny yourself happiness now, on the off chance that you’ll die several months or years from now?” He asked, lifting an eyebrow. “Is that fair to either of you?” He watched me for a moment and nodded. “Think on it from that aspect. As a Bard your feelings affect your music. No matter how hard you try to suppress them.”

Footsteps in the hallway caught our attention and we turned to see Taarie approaching, a dress draped carefully over one arm, boots carried in her other hand. “You do not seem to have changed much since last you were measured so these should fit well.” She said bluntly. “You’ll need to let your hair loose, so there are combs.” She added, then hesitated. “Would you like my help with it?”

I considered her tone for a moment then nodded. “Please.”

She nodded to Viarmo. “Uncle.” She greeted, moving toward one of the offices. “We’re going to borrow your office.”

“You’ll need the key.” He responded, unearthing it from his pocket and holding it out toward her.

She nodded and grabbed it from him. “My thanks.” She said quietly, moving down the hall.

I followed her swiftly, turning over Viarmo’s words in my head. Would it be so bad? Would it be so bad to let myself love someone? I looked down at the amulet still in my hand. Would it be so bad to let myself love Him?

Inge was waiting with the others in the library when Taarie finished with me, the dark emerald colored dress swishing around my ankles. The jeweled hair combs keeping my hair from falling in my face. The Dean of Lutes tilted her head slightly, a very small hint of a smile playing around her eyes and I knew she approved of my appearance. “Let’s see what the dead bard gave you.” She ordered; her voice as gruff as ever.

I nodded, settling my lute into position, strumming a few lines to warm my fingers up before starting into Svaknir's song. Playing it outside of the tomb felt right somehow and I felt myself swaying with the music. Keeping my eyes closed as the last of the notes faded, I wondered if Svaknir had composed it before or after his death. We may never know. I can’t imagine much of his music survived Olaf. Opening my eyes, I studied the silent people in the room. Viarmo and Giraud looked thoughtful, Inge was impossible to read, and Lucien was surreptitiously wiping a tear away. Feeling a wash of pleasure at my friend’s response I glanced at Kaidan and felt my breath catch at the expression on his face.  Would it be so bad?

“I expect you to transcribe it within the month.” Inge said after another moment had passed.

“Alright.” I murmured, focusing on her face, trying to quell the maelstrom of emotions that Viarmo had stirred up. That means she’s pleased. I’m glad. Svaknir’s work deserves to be remembered.

“It’s time.” Viarmo said. “Leave your gear with Giraud and come with me. I take it your companions here wanted to see the Blue Palace?” He asked, giving Kaidan a look I couldn’t decipher.

“Well, I did.” Lucien said brightly. “I’m fascinated by the politics here!” He glanced at Kaidan. “Not sure about him.”

Taking my gear, I passed it to Giraud. “My grandfather’s lute.” I said softly.

He smiled and nodded his understanding. “It will be safely here when you get back.” He promised.

Taking a deep breath, I adjusted the weapon belt Taarie had designed for the dress, resting fingertips on Olaf’s axe, wishing I could bring the rest of my weapons, glad to know that Kaidan could carry his full arsenal since he wouldn’t be addressing the Jarl.

Following Viarmo through the halls of the college I smiled to see Inigo in deep conversation with a couple of unfamiliar bard students. New since I left. That’s good. Meeko thumped his tail on the floor and rose, padding over to join us. Kaidan signaled to him and he joined his side. Good. Taarie would kill me if I got dog hair on this dress. I’d ask Inigo if he wants to join us, but he looks comfortable.

Lifting the skirts so I could keep pace with Viarmo I couldn’t stop the smile at how comfortable Taarie and her sister had managed to make the boots. I can’t remember if they also make them or if they commission them from a shoemaker but regardless. Comfortable.

Stepping into the cool entryway I took a deep breath to settle my nerves, noting that Viarmo looked concerned. “She has to understand.” He murmured. “She has to understand what this means to us.”

“We’ve done the best we can.” I responded.

He chuckled. “I can’t take it as a good sign when it is the Junior Bard assuring the Elder.” He turned to Lucien and Kaidan. “You two will need to step to the right at the top of the stairs. Safety concerns you understand. With the war going on they can never be too careful.”

Kaidan frowned but nodded. “Alright.” Lucien agreed as we approached the stairs.

Kai reached a hand out to me as we started up and I smiled at him as I accepted it. At the top of the stairs the two stepped to the right as Viarmo had told them and a servant quickly guided them to an appropriate location as Viarmo and I moved to the center of the throne room, standing just past the carpet as Jarl Elisif finished a conversation with a roughly dressed man talking about a haunted cave.

“Ah Viarmo. How lovely to see you again. I hope you’re not here to beg me to reinstate that horrible tradition of yours again.” She said sweetly, her face a politician’s mask.

“Jarl, this young Bard delved into King Olaf’s tomb and found the original verse. I think you will understand why this festival is deserving of its place in our traditions once you have heard it.”

She sighed heavily. “Alright Viarmo. Recite your verse.”

The Dean straightened, took a deep breath, and began, his voice carrying easily throughout the entirety of the throne room while I stood as demurely as I could manage a few steps back.

 “O, Olaf, our subjugator, the one-eyed betrayer;

death-dealing demon and dragon-killing King.

Your legend is lies, lurid and false;

your cunning capture of Numinex, a con for the ages.

No shouting match between dragon and man, no fire or fury did this battle entail.

Olaf captured a fast-sleeping dragon, a mighty feat which the meek would not fail.

Olaf grabbed power, by promise and threat;

From Falkreath to Winterhold, they fell to their knees;

But Solitude stood strong, Skyrim’s truest protectors.

Olaf’s vengeance was instant, inspired and wicked.

Olaf gave orders, Winterhold disguises.

An attack on Solitude total destruction to follow.

His men dressed up and then went out to fight, but they reversed Olaf’s orders much to Winterhold’s sorrow.

So ends the story of Olaf the liar; a thief and a scoundrel we of Solitude commit to the fire.

In Solitude bards train for their service, they also gather each year and burn a King who deserves it.”

Silence fell and I held my breath. They made it sound pretty close to what was there. I’m not too surprised. Jarl Elisif stared at Viarmo for a long moment, then her gaze turned my way. “Tell me bard. How is it you were able to acquire this verse?”

I offered her a curtsy. “It was a group effort Jarl. I went into Dead Man’s Respite with my companions to look for the book.” I glanced at Viarmo and with his slight nod stepped to his side. “We were successful as you just heard. A piece of the Poetic Edda restored.”

“You seem quite pleased with that part.” She observed. “Alright. You may have your festival. This Olaf sounds like he was quite the unpleasant and incompetent King. As to the Bard who retrieved the verse. I assume the college has rewarded her effort but for her willingness to face deadly dangers out of loyalty I feel compelled to reward her and her companions as well.” She nodded toward her steward. “Falk and I will discuss what reward would be best.” Her smile turned knowing. “It wouldn’t do to insult the Dragonborn after all.”

I kept my posture and face straight with some effort. One of the guards must have reported to her. Or the Captain. Offering her a slight curtsy I wondered why she hadn’t dismissed us yet.

“Dean I appreciate your efforts in informing me of Skyrim’s history. I suppose the Festival can still occur three days from now. You can get it ready in time?”

“Of course, Jarl Elisif.” He responded. “If I have your leave, I will pass the word to the vendors immediately.”

“Do so. You are dismissed.”

I shifted my weight and froze when she looked at me. “Dragonborn. Please remain. I would like to speak with you.”

“I expect to see you at the College at first light.” Viarmo murmured as he stepped away.

“Jarl Elisif. What can I do for you?” I asked, leaning heavily on my training to remain calm and not let my gaze wander.

She rose, walking toward me. “Walk with me. I’m certain your companions will be fine without your company for a short while longer.” She said, her tone companionable.

“Of course, Jarl.” I agreed, falling in step with her.

“I like your dress.” She said softly, giving me a half smile when I glanced at her.

“Thank you, Jarl. Taarie and Endarie of Radiant Raiment made all but the axe I carry.”

“Did they? Hmm. I shall have to commission something from them then. Their work is exquisite.” Reaching the end of the hallway she turned toward me and smiled. “It might seem silly for me to have held you back to just ask you about a dress but…” She sighed. “It’s not the kind of thing you ask out in the open when you are in my position. You are the Dragonborn aren’t you?”

“Yes.”

“I figured I could rely on Captain Aldis to tell the truth in the matter. Are you going to join the Legion? They can use everyone they can get. And the Dragonborn would be… an amazing asset.”

“I had not given it much thought Jarl.” I responded. “I have been focused on what the Greybeards ask of me. And then the Bards College.”

She nodded. “Think about it.” She suggested, her gaze distant. “I would dearly love to see the man who killed my husband brought to justice.”

“I will think on it, Jarl.” I promised, knowing my decision would disappoint her.

“Thank you.” She turned away and I backed off, knowing her movements for a dismissal.

Moving back toward where I’d left my companions I mulled over her words. I can’t join either side. Not if I’m to be mobile enough to avoid Daggvar. Frowning, I slowed when I heard rushed footsteps, stepping to the side, glancing to the left and feeling my shoulders tense as I recognized the man who walked with me now.

“You’re new to the palace.” Thane Erikur said, eying me up and down. “Yet you look familiar. Have we met before?”

“I am not certain.” I responded, clasping my hands behind my back, immediately wishing I hadn’t as his attention tracked down to my breasts.

“No. I’m quite certain I would remember you.” He smiled. “Do you know what the best part of being a Thane is?” He asked, his eyes dark.

“As a Thane of Whiterun I am familiar with quite a few of the perks.” I responded, smiling when he jerked back, startled. “Excuse me.” I added, moving away swiftly. Thinking of Whiterun, I need to write to Lydia! Poor woman probably thinks I’ve forgotten her entirely! I’ll send her a little bit of funds. Ask her the price of that house.

 Looking up as I neared the stairs, I paused, studying Kaidan for a long moment before he turned and spotted me, his face softening with a smile as he headed my way.

I sighed. And just like that I already feel better. “Where are Lucien and Meeko?” I wondered.

“Lucien and Viarmo took Meeko when they left. Viarmo promised to have your gear sent to the Winking Skeever.” Kai explained when he reached me, reaching a hand out and walking with me down the stairs, looking at me from time to time, his expression hard to read.

“What is it?” I asked after the third glance.

“It looks good on you.”

“Hmm?’ 

“The dress. It looks good on you.”

I flushed deeply. “Thank you.”

“Did you win anything?” I asked, dropping into a chair next to Inigo, Meeko flopping at my feet.

“I did.” He responded, smiling over at me. “How was your day?”

“Tiring. Between the dragon and the visit to the palace.” I sighed, digging into my dinner. “Very tiring.”

“I heard about the dragon. My friend. You must take better care of yourself.”

“So I’ve heard.” I responded, giving him a half smile.

“Then listen to us.” He grumbled.

“Just planning to lecture me Inigo?” I asked softly.

“No, my friend. I just worry about you.” He shook his head, looking around.

“Did I miss Lucien and Kaidan?” I asked.

“Kaidan went up to the room already. And Lucien was talking to a scholar the last time I saw him.”

I smiled at the Khajiit. “How are you doing?”

“I am well my friend. Thank you for asking.” Scratching at his cheek he shook his head. “I am looking forward to the festival.”

“Agreed.” Pushing back from the table again I rose. “I might not see you in the morning. Viarmo wants me to head to the Bard’s College at first light. But I’ll try to get away for at least one meal.”

“Do not worry about me.” He responded, his eyes bright. “Just don’t push yourself too hard.”

Nodding slightly, I headed toward the stairs, thoughts turning to Kaidan. Wonder if I’ll be able to get him to tell me what had him so tense earlier. Maybe Viarmo said something to him too. Meddling Bard. 

Inserting the key, I pushed the door open, stepping inside.

“You succeeded in what you set out to do today.” Kai greeted, looking up from his book.

I nodded. “We did.” I agreed, dropping half onto the bed. “And Taarie was pleased to hear that the Jarl is planning to commission some clothing.”

“Is that what the Jarl pulled you aside to ask about?”

“Not only that.” I responded. “She wants me to join the legion. I told her I’d think on it, but I fear being stationary will make me too big of a target for Daggvar.” And isn’t that another reason to block what I feel for you? I frowned, sitting up and watching Kai move around to my side. No. It’s too late for that. Daggvar already made it clear he wants to kill him.

He reached a hand out and I accepted it, quirking my eyebrow, unsure what he wanted when he drew me into his arms, holding me tightly. “You look gorgeous tonight.” He whispered, carefully working the combs out of my hair before knotting his fingers in it and kissing me. “Read with me?” He murmured. “We haven’t the past few nights.”

Lifting myself up some I kissed him, wrapping my arms around his neck, relishing his hold, feeling secure. “Of course.” I agreed. “It has been too long.”

“You’re right about joining the Legion. They would not be able to protect you. Not from Daggvar. And not from the Thalmor.” Kai murmured, holding me against him, the warmth of his body lulling me toward sleep.

“Mm. Just as long as you don’t get hurt.”

He laughed softly. “I’m more worried about you sweetheart.” He murmured; his gaze sincere when I looked at him, his face so full of warmth that I felt some of my barriers crumble. Would it be so bad?

I sighed, reaching a hand up to clasp his. “Thank you, Kai. For being with me.” I whispered.

“Darling. I’ll stay at your side for as long as you’ll have me. And that’s a promise.”

My chest squeezed and I flushed at his words. Viarmo is right. Denying that I have feelings for Kai isn’t working. Whatever I feel. I’ll find the name for it eventually. It’s enough that he wants to be here.

Chapter Text

Chapter 22: The Festival

Kaidan: Solitude

Leaning back in my chair in the taproom I frowned over my breakfast, waiting for Inigo and Lucien to make an appearance. With Silka busy with what the college is asking of her now is the perfect time to make plans for how to deal with Daggvar.

“Good morning Kaidan!”

Lucien’s chipper greeting broke through my thoughts and I resisted the urge to glare at the Imperial. “Morning Lucien.” I responded, steepling my fingers as he plopped himself into a chair. “Is Inigo awake?”

“He is. He said he’d be right behind me.” He responded. “Where’s Silka?”

“She had to be at the College early.” I explained.

“Did she bring Meeko with her?”

“She did. She said she felt some of her fellow Bards would be amused by his presence.” And I asked her to for safety reasons.

“That will make getting through the city easier.” He said. “Yesterday he was jumping at shadows by the end of our walks. Viarmo wasn’t joking when he said the strays here are very territorial.”

“Good morning Lucien. Good morning Kaidan.” Inigo greeted, moving easily over to an empty chair at the table. “What are we plotting?” He asked.

“Who says we’re plotting something?” Lucien asked, looking confused.

“Kaidan is spending time with us instead of watching over Silka.” He answered, giving me a wink when I glanced at him.

“She had to be at the college early.” I repeated. “I thought now might be a good time to walk over our plans for when the four months is up.”

“That is a good idea.” Inigo agreed. “We should visit the fletcher and see if he has silver arrows.”

“Is that really a thing then?” Lucien asked. “Does silver really have a greater effect on…” He lowered his voice. “Werewolves?”

“Yes.” I responded, thinking of what I’d heard and seen in the past. “Vampires as well.”

Lucien shuddered. “I really don’t want to think about that.”

“We shouldn’t have to.” I pointed out.

Footsteps approached hurriedly and I lifted an eyebrow at the courier who approached. “Ah. Excellent. Lucien Flavius, yes?” He asked.

Lucien perked up. “Yes.”

“I have a letter for you. Delivered from Cyrodiil. From your parents I believe.” He said, searching through his bag and pulling out a thick envelope, passing it over to the man. He turned to me. “And you I recognize. I’ve a letter for you as well. Your hands only.” He passed me a much thinner missive. “From Aela the Huntress. You three have anything for me?” At our headshakes he nodded and ran off.

I frowned, opening the letter quickly.

Kaidan:

My name is Aela. I am a member of the Companions in Whiterun.

You do not know me, but I have heard tales of your prowess as a Bounty Hunter.

I have also heard of the difficulties facing Silka.

So, when Nevian sent me a letter begging me to help him find a way to protect her; explaining that you were traveling with her; it gave me an idea of who to contact.

Daggvar is a wily one. Nevian said he promised you four months, but I can guarantee he is making plans to be wherever you are as soon as that time limit is up. We may be able to help with that.

There are many reasons that Daggvar does not come near Whiterun. And my shield brothers and I are five of them. He knows that he cannot defeat the twins or Skjor in single combat. Even Sarlfi is hesitant to face them. Especially after what happened when his father challenged them.

Convince Silka to come and plead her case for protection from Kodlak Whitemane, our Harbinger. He will know what to do.

-Aela

Unexpected. Unexpected but not unwelcome. What would Silka think about asking the Companions for help? If what Aela says about Daggvar being unwilling to engage them in combat is true … it could very well give us the edge we need.

“So, Lucien. What is it your parents wished to tell you?” Inigo asked, smiling at the Imperial.

Lucien grinned. “One of my father’s associates was able to find the location of Dumzbthar, the Dwemer ruin that I’m most interested in delving into. Do you think Silka would be willing to take a look?”

“That may depend on where it is.” I pointed out.

“It’s on Solstheim.”

“Hmm. It may be something to consider.” I acknowledged. “See if we can’t meet up with Nevian.”

“That would be lovely. Although. Didn’t he say he planned to come down here at the end of the four months? It would be terrible if we missed each other.”

“This is true.” Inigo said. “And there is another thing to consider.”

“What’s that?” Lucien asked, turning his attention to the Khajiit.

“You have only been through one Nordic Ruin. Dwemer Ruins are much more dangerous.” He pointed out.

“Oh, yes. I hadn’t considered that. Then perhaps a trial run into a Dwemer ruin here in Skyrim? Before we go all that way?”

I don’t really want to go into one at all. What would be the need? “Perhaps.” I murmured. “We’ll bring it up to Silka.”

“Probably our best option.” Lucien agreed. “She is the one in charge after all.”

“She is.” Inigo agreed. “So. Silver.”

I lifted the letter from the Companion. “I just got a letter from one of the Companions. She suggested that we go and speak with their Harbinger. Said that Nevian had written a letter asking them to help protect Silka.”

Inigo nodded. “The Companions are strong.”

“But it would be good to talk about other options just in case, right?” Lucien asked.

“Yes.” I agreed. “It would.”

Walking into the room I startled slightly when Meeko whuffed at me then thumped his tail against the floor when he registered who I was. Silka was sitting at the small desk in the room, papers scattered around her, her head pillowed on her arms. I didn’t see you come in. How long have you been up here?

Moving softly over to her I tapped her arm. She jerked back, the sharp scent of magicka startling me as she reflexively cast her oakflesh spell. Blinking a couple times at me she shook her head.

“My apologies.” I murmured. “I did not mean to startle you.” It’s a relief to see that you cast one of your armor skins reflexively… but why this one? I know it’s not your strongest.

“It’s alright.” She responded. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep at the desk.” Resting her hand on her neck she grimaced. “I should not have. Ouch.”

Offering her a hand up I glanced at the papers. “What are you working on?” I asked, unable to resist the urge to wrap her in an embrace and press my lips to her forehead, fascinated by the change as her spell wore off. “Always an interesting feeling.” I murmured.

She let out a soft laugh. “I was writing down the song Svaknir gave me. Trying to get it at least mostly complete before we leave.”

“Mm. One more day and then we can go over our next step.” I replied.

“Yup.” She agreed, then sighed and pressed herself against me. “You didn’t wear your armor down to the taproom?” She asked as I tightened my embrace.

“No. I brought it to Beirand and his apprentice yesterday.”

“Ah. You were already in the room when I got back last night. No wonder I didn’t notice.” She sighed heavily. “I’ve missed you the past couple days. It’s weird not having you beside me.”

Releasing my embrace, I lifted her off the floor, carrying her over to the bed. “Is that a fact?” I murmured, setting her down gently, sitting next to her to take my boots off.

She twisted on the bed, shaking her head. “Are you saying you haven’t missed having me around?” She asked, her face marked with mischief, but something flickered in her eyes that warned me she was concerned about it.

I smiled, laying sideways on the bed, stroking her face gently. “Of course I have.” I told her, tapping her nose lightly. “What a strange thing to ask. Solitude getting to you?”

“More the Bard’s college. It’s so… Bright. And loud. And they have a thousand questions about Helgen and being Dragonborn.” She leaned back on the bed. “It’s exhausting. Add to that the preparations for the Burning of King Olaf. Viarmo insists I do a performance. When I pointed out I wasn’t sure I could be certain of my voice due to what I’ve been dealing with, he countered that I also excelled at dance. And suggested I play Svaknir’s song.” She sighed. “I’ve barely had a chance to talk to Giraud about your sword. Only had a chance to mention it really.”

“What kind of dancing do Bards train?” I asked.

She smiled. “All sorts really. It is a form of entertainment after all.”

“I hadn’t considered that.” I admitted.

“A lot of people don’t. It’s not one of the more publicized branches. We really only exhibit it during this festival.” Her words started slowing and I half smiled, watching her fall asleep.

“Sleep well sweetheart.” I whispered. I love you.

“It feels like all of Solitude is here.” Lucien said, his voice awed as he looked around the Bard’s College.

“Agreed.” Inigo said, petting Meeko soothingly as the hound watched the crowds gather, his ears pinned to his head, his tail between his legs.

I scanned the crowd nearest the effigy, feeling the spark of concern for Silka ease when I spotted her standing with the other Bards. Damn glad Beirand got my armor finished this afternoon. Far too many people around here right now.

The crowd quieted as Viarmo began speaking, his words remarkably clear as he welcomed Solitude to the Burning of King Olaf. As he recognized Silka’s contribution I watched her face, noting the tightness as the crowd reacted. She’s going to be exhausted.

Lucien tapped a man on the shoulder. “Excuse me sir. But when do they light the effigy?” He asked.

The man smiled. “After they’ve shown off some of what their students have learned this year. Gotta remind us why we keep them in the city after all!” He laughed.

“I will find a quieter spot for Meeko.” Inigo offered, slipping into the crowd before I could stop him.

You would leave me alone with Lucien. Frowning I watched some of the bard students stepping forward to sing and play their instruments. Maybe I should have come later.

“Are you going to try to get closer?” Lucien asked.

“Maybe.” I responded, scanning the crowds, frowning over the flashes of Thalmor robes. I don’t like this. It would be far too easy for an assassin to get close to her.

“Pardon.” A familiar voice said, drawing my attention to the historian. “Silka mentioned you were looking for a particular book. And I believe I found it.”

I turned to face him completely as Lucien moved off muttering about spiced wine. “You have?” I asked, glancing to see that Silka was playing her lute as a Redguard sang an unfamiliar song.

“Yes. It is a rare book. So please. Do be gentle with it.” He said, passing me the volume. “Silka has promised that she will ensure it gets back to me when you are done with it.”

“Thank you.” I responded, reading the title. ‘Dragon Language: Myth no More.’

He nodded. “Here. Come with me. I know of a more comfortable location where you can still watch over the Dragonborn.”

I followed him through the crowd, impressed by the way he seemed to find openings without looking, amused by the way they always seemed to open just a bit further when people spotted me. Something to be said for my size.

Levering himself up along the stone steps closer to the effigy he stopped at the back. “There’s a few spots along the wall here where you can sit or lean back. Not a lot of people use them because it’s so far from the food vendors.” He leaned back himself, watching the group of Bard students finish. “Hmm. Not terrible. But then these are the students who are about to graduate. And those of the Juniors who just graduated whom we managed to gather.”

“Do you get a lot of students?” I asked curiously as I carefully put the book away in my pack.

“We get enough.” He responded as Silka started playing Svaknir’s song. “It’s nice to have old music found again.” He murmured, watching the crowd as she played.

I skimmed my gaze among the crowd again as well, frowning as I spotted the Thalmor from the other day in the crowd, eyes on Silka. “We will be leaving tomorrow I believe.” I said.

“Hoping to avoid the Thalmor?” He asked softly. “Silka told us about where the dragon showed up. I’m guessing Vallanil saw?” He gestured toward the Justiciar who watched Silka intently.

“Yes.” I admitted. “He saw her take the dragon soul.”

“So, no hope any longer that the Thalmor will mistake you as the Dragonborn.” He shook his head.

“No.”

“Damn. Where are you planning to go from here?”

“I’m pushing for Whiterun. See if we can enlist the Companions.”

“She won’t stay hidden.” He responded as she bowed at the end of the song, her shoulders betraying her tension where her face did not.

“What do you mean by that?” I asked.

“She told me that she’s determined to do what she has to to get strong enough to kill Alduin as quickly as she can.” He looked up at me even as the mentioned Bard started moving through the crowd toward us.

I shook my head, watching her, feeling worry settle in my bones. “I know.” I admitted.

“She doesn’t think she’ll survive Alduin.” He added, turning toward me completely. “I thought you should know that.”

Pain replaced the worry and I breathed out slowly. That’s why. Isn’t it? That’s why she reacted the way she did when we talked about marriage in Rorikstead. That’s why she looks so sad and distant sometimes. “Did she tell you that?” I asked softly, hearing the biting pain in my voice as I watched her speak to the merchant who’d given her the clothes the other day.

“She told Viarmo. And he told me.” He responded. “Because I was closest to her while she was here.” He sighed heavily. “She doesn’t feel like she will be strong enough to deal with Alduin.”

“Then she doesn’t see it.” I muttered. “She’s stronger than she realizes.”

“You see it then. The steel that’s always lurked beneath the surface. What she’s hidden from so many.”

I frowned at his turn of phrase and he let out a soft laugh. “We wouldn’t have allowed her to graduate in the middle of a Civil War if she didn’t have that. It would have been a death sentence.” He sobered. “It almost was anyway.” He admitted, smiling as she reached hearing distance. “Silka! Inge should be pleased with that.”

She laughed and bounded up the steps. “That would be high praise indeed.” She responded.

She turned to me, her eyes bright, the corners of her eyes marred by tension. “How are you enjoying the festival Kaidan?”

“There is a lot of talent in the bards here.” I responded, leaning down, lifting her chin, and kissing her lightly.

The tension around her eyes eased slightly. “There is. I’ve always enjoyed being reminded of it.” She turned to Giraud. “Did you get a chance to look at his sword?”

He shook his head. “No. But I brought him the book.” He nodded down toward the effigy. “I believe it’s time for the burning.”

She nodded. “Yes. That’s why I came up here. Viarmo wants you down there. He said I could hang back until my dance. Get a breather.”

“Can’t keep the Dean waiting.” He responded with a smile, looking up at me. “Think over what we talked about. But quietly.” His gaze tracked back toward the Justiciar. “We’ll do what we can to run interference but… There’s only so much we can do without painting a larger target on every Bard in Skyrim.”

“Understood.” I responded as Silka leaned her back against me. Wrapping my arms around her, I let out a low sigh, eased by her presence. We’ll find a way. I will not lose you to a dragon, not even the World Eater.

“That Justiciar is still watching me.” Silka murmured as Viarmo recited King Olaf’s Verse, lifting a torch high above his head.

“He is.” I agreed, frowning.

She twisted slightly to look up at me. “Did he see the dragon fight?”

“You didn’t notice?” I asked, looking down at her.

“No. I was distracted by the soul and the Captain.”

“He was there. He saw what happened with the soul.”

“Well, that explains that. They’re probably not sure what to do about a Nord legend turned real. Well. If Delphine is right. If they did have anything to do with the dragons returning, that makes me a direct threat to their plans.”

I frowned as the crowd cheered the burning. I hadn’t thought of that. “Then we must leave Solitude as soon as we’re able.”

“Agreed.” She responded, gently slipping out of my grasp. “It’s about time for my last performance for the night.” She said when I lifted an eyebrow.

Watching her walk away I checked the location of the Thalmor, making sure he hadn’t moved before leaning against the wall, watching Silka braid her hair as she spoke with two other Bards, a drummer and flute player. After a moment, with a glance at Viarmo, the drummer started a beat and Silka stepped into a clear part of the stones, standing very still for a long moment until the flute player lifted her instrument and started playing. The song was faster than I expected, and I felt arousal warming my blood as she flowed easily between movements, her hair flying out behind her as she moved, her clothing emphasizing her legs as she spun and twisted. I took a deep breath, releasing it slowly. Divines, she’s beautiful.  

As the flute died down, she froze for a moment in her final position before bowing deeply to a smattering of applause, moving swiftly toward the musicians as another pair of bards moved to the clear spot, a lute player taking the spot of the other musicians.

Lucien moved toward Silka and I looked around for the Justiciar again, feeling a slightly relieved sigh ripple through me to see him walking away from the crowd, his guards at his side. Wonder if he was ordered to come to the festival. Can’t see a Thalmor coming to one of these of his own accord.

A small yelp startled me, and I looked swiftly around. Doesn’t sound quite right for Meeko.

A thin three-legged hound bolted away from the food vendors in my direction, and I felt my brow furrow as she ducked behind me. The food vendor stopped his chase, shaking his head. “Mangy mutt.” He grumbled, moving back to the food.

Turning to look at the dog I crouched slowly, offering the back of my hand. “Why aren’t you afraid of me?” I wondered.

She sniffed, moving forward a little, her tail wagging hard. Now that I could see her closer, I frowned over the rope partially embedded in her neck. “You were a pet, weren’t you?” I asked, picking her up. “Don’t give me fleas.” I warned her, hearing a soft laugh as I straightened.

“What did you find Kai?” Silka asked, moving forward, offering her hand to the small hound.

“Food vendor chased her off. She’s got a rope partially embedded in her neck, so my guess is she was a pet.”

“Poor pup.” She murmured. “Let’s bring her back to the Skeever shall we? Lucien says Inigo headed that way with Meeko when the effigy was lit.”

I considered it, looking down at the dog. You didn’t think this through. “Alright.” I agreed, following her through the crowd.

“That your dog?” The food vendor asked as we passed.

Silka laughed lightly. “She is now.” She paused in front of him, passing him some septims. “For anything she might have devoured.” She offered.

He shook his head. “Appreciate it Silka.” He nodded his head toward the hound. “Used to be Thane Erikur’s dog. Don’t know why he dumped her, but she won’t go near him or his sister.”

“Thanks.” She said, her shoulders tense as we moved away from the crowd.

“Are you alright?” I asked as we moved through the blessedly quieter streets.

“I’m tired.” She responded. “And I’m just a little bit pissed at Erikur.” She added, her voice a low growl.

“Seems cruel to dump a dog on the streets here.” I agreed.

“He always is.” She responded. “I don’t know how his sister puts up with him. Misplaced loyalty I suppose.” She paused and looked at the dog. “My guess is whatever made her lose her leg is the reason he dumped her. He doesn’t like his “toys” broken.”

“Charming.”

Silka carefully worked the embedded rope collar free as I held the squirming dog, Meeko and Inigo looking on with concern. Every couple minutes Silka cast another healing spell until finally the collar was on the floor and the dog was healed. Scrubbing her in the tub we’d borrowed from Corpulus I half smiled as her true colors emerged. White fur with some brindle spots gleamed as she shook her coat out before Silka could dry her off. My chest squeezed when Silka laughed, her eyes lighting up as the dog burrowed into her lap, rubbing on her clothes before dashing away to give Inigo the same treatment. She paused, trembling as Meeko sniffed her over, then her tail wagged slightly as the larger hound nudged the top of her head and licked her between the eyes.

“They will get along.” Inigo said, his ears pricked forward, his eyes bright. “How did you come to find her?” He asked.

“That’s on Kaidan.” Silka responded, grinning over at me.

“She ducked behind me.” I explained, telling him about the vendor and what he’d said.

Inigo’s ears flattened some and he shook his head. “Everything I’ve heard about this Thane makes me dislike him even more.”

“He has that effect on people.” Silka responded, picking the dog up and moving toward the basement stairs. “Let’s get some sleep. We’ve got places to go tomorrow.”

“She can walk.” I murmured, smiling down at her as she looked up at me.

“I know.” She blushed. “I just want her to know she’s safe.”

“She will.” I promised.

“What shall we call her?” Inigo asked.

“Her name is Blue.” A female voice interjected.

The dog’s ears flattened slightly as we turned to face the Nord watching us, her eyes sad. “Gisli.” Silka greeted.

“You can have her. Gods know she won’t come near me after what Erikur did.” She sighed. “She’ll do better with you. Away from Solitude. But her name is Blue.” She pulled a small coin pouch out of her pocket and tossed it our way, Inigo snatching it out of the air. “Least I can do.” She added bitterly, turning and striding away.

“Well. That verifies that.” Inigo murmured, passing the coins to me.

“It does.” Silka agreed. “Blue?” she asked, looking down at the dog.

She seemed to think it over, her tail wagging slowly before she nudged her nose into Silka’s face making her laugh.

“How many people get to see this side of you?” Silka asked, resting her head on my chest, watching the dogs sleep curled up against each other.

“Hm?” I wondered, playing with her braid.

“This side.” She repeated. “The gentle side. You intimidate so many people by your presence alone. How many people know you’ve got this part of you?”

I considered it. “Not many.” I admitted. “Life. Life hasn’t always been kind to me. It’s… easier to be hard.” Smiling, I shifted us so she was laying on the bed and I could look down at her more easily. “But with you…” I shook my head, brushing my thumb along her cheek. “You didn’t have to help me escape back then.” I shook my head when she opened her mouth to protest. “I know. I know you enough now to know you wouldn’t have left anyone there. But. I’ve never had someone so open to accepting me for who I am; scars and all.”

She laughed and flushed. “Well, I’ve plenty of scars of my own.”

“I know.” I murmured, brushing my fingers lightly over her face scar. “I’ve never known someone willing to be so vulnerable with me either. It’s… heady.” Leaning in close I kissed her, chest tight, fear of rejection locking away what I wanted to say, the words echoing in my head. Silka. I’m in love with you. Breaking the kiss, I looked down at her, wishing I dared speak the words. She smiled up at me and I shifted, pulling her into my arms and kissing her again, arousal heating my blood as she returned the kiss eagerly, pushing the thoughts away for now, turning my attention entirely to the woman in my arms. 

Chapter Text

Chapter 23: The Companions

Silka: Whiterun: Dragonsreach

Stepping into Dragonsreach I hid a smile at the awe on Lucien’s face as he looked around, scanning the room for Lydia, certain my letter had reached her by now. The room carried the sound of our approach easily and as we reached the banquet area my Housecarl stepped out of the kitchen and smiled, moving swiftly to join us.

“My Thane. It is good to see you again.” She greeted, giving the men and dogs a curious glance.

“Lydia.” I responded. “I’m sorry it’s been so long.”

She shook her head. “Honestly, don’t be.” She glanced at my companions again. “Permission to speak frankly?”

“Always.”

“It’s been nice not worrying about doing something wrong. Or having someone looking over my shoulder.” She responded. “They tell you all the ways Thanes can make life difficult, but you’ve made it almost too simple.” She explained, her tone amused.

I returned the smile with one of my own. Glad to hear it. “I’m sure you’re sick of the barracks though. So, we are headed to speak with the Steward about buying that house.”

She smiled. “Glad to hear it. It’ll take some work to get comfortable. It’s livable but could use some touch-ups.”

“And you’ll be in charge of that.” I responded easily, not missing the sparkle that brought. “Any funds you make from jobs that you’d funnel to me, please put that into the house.”

“Are you certain?” She asked quietly. “It’s, abnormal to do it that way.”

“Quite certain.” I replied. “Now. I’m sure you’re wondering who I’ve got with me.” I replied, introducing her to my companions, chatting with her as we made our way over to the Steward.

I was pleasantly surprised by the amount of coin she’d gathered with odd jobs and didn’t protest when she offered to use most of it to buy furnishings that would make the house a good deal more comfortable to live in. She says it’s for me, but I want her to be comfortable there as well.

Walking into Breezehome I surveyed it as I put my gear down, stretching my back out. “Lydia. You’ve got my permission to decorate this place however you want. Just as long as there are enough sleeping spaces for all five of us.”

“Do you mind if I add an extra for when Mjoll comes by?” She asked, a flush dusting her cheeks.

“You know Mjoll?” I considered her, then smiled. Ah, a crush. I’ll have to ask her for that story after we get to know each other. “Of course. That’s perfectly fine.” Moving around the room, I frowned at the dust. “I hate to leave you with so much work.”

She laughed. “It’s quite alright my Thane. Breaks up my routine. Should be a good deal quieter than the training yard.”

“I can come back and help.” Lucien offered. “Make sure everything you need for your Enchanting and Alchemy gets properly ordered. Can’t imagine I’ll have much in common with the Companions after all.”

“I will come with him.” Inigo offered. “Make sure the bathing room is comfortable.”

Lydia beamed. “As you see My Thane. You have people very willing to take on making your home comfortable.”

“Please call me Silka.” I responded, then smiled at the three of them. “I appreciate it.” Checking that my weapons were in place I looked up at Kaidan. “Let’s get up to Jorrvaskr. They likely already know we’re in town.”

Slowly moving past the Gildergreen I bit my lip as I stared at Jorrvaskr, feeling worried. I forgot so much. So much time spent here. Will Aela forgive me for how I spoke to her when I came through after Helgen? Will Farkas forgive me for not at least stopping by to say hello? Speaking of Farkas… A familiar figure stood on the steps, leaning against a post, straightening when I moved forward.

“Silka!” Farkas greeted, running forward to lift me off the ground in a rib crushing hug.

“Oof. Ribs.” I protested. He put me down with a rumbling laugh and I shook my head, gesturing to my companions. “Farkas, these are my traveling companions. Inigo, Lucien and Kaidan.” I smiled up at Kai as I mentioned his name, quirking an eyebrow at the look he was giving the werewolf.

Blue whuffed and I laughed, distracted. “And Meeko and Blue of course.”

Blue gamboled over to Farkas, sniffing hard, tail wagging madly as Meeko pushed against Inigo, ears low. “Easy Meeko.” I murmured, giving him a sympathetic look, knowing what was making him nervous. Why doesn’t it bother Blue?

“Kaidan.” Farkas murmured, rubbing his chin. “Aela mentioned she sent you a letter about Silka.” He grinned. “She neglected to mention both your height and your relationship. I’m not used to having to look up at people.” His grin grew. “Oh, you’ve got to meet Vilkas. Come on.” He turned, pulling the door open, the sounds of a brawl filtering out.

Filing in after him I glanced up at Kaidan again as Inigo and Lucien looked around. “Are you alright?” I asked softly.

“I didn’t realize you knew the Companions so well.” He responded, not meeting my eyes.

“I visited them often while I was working with Adrienne. The topic of our conversations triggered the spell.” I responded.

“Then why did Aela mention wanting to know about your face scar?”

“That’s a good question.” I glanced around the hall, noting a pair of companions brawling and shook my head, hearing Aela calling out comments. “I’ll ask her later.”

“And they say I have ice for brains.” Farkas muttered, studying the brawlers. “Come on. Vilkas will be downstairs.”

“Who is Vilkas?” Lucien asked, coming closer to me.

“His brother.” I frowned. Do I tell Lucien and Inigo about the Companions? Not my story to tell. Kaidan would not willingly leave my side so if he finds out it’ll be in that way. Honestly, Inigo probably has it half figured out already. “Come on.” They can meet Kodlak at least. And Vilkas.

The downstairs was quieter and Farkas walked easily, humming something under his breath. “The guards say you’re the Dragonborn.” He said as we neared what I knew were Kodlak’s chambers. “How did that happen?”

“What do you mean how?” I asked, feeling a half smile as Inigo snorted a laugh.

Farkas grinned. “Which parent was the dragon.”

I rolled my eyes, shaking my head as Inigo and Lucien laughed. “Ha ha. You know who my parents are.” I pointed out. “Consider, if you will, the idea of Lorse being able to Shout.”

His nose wrinkled and he shuddered. “No. No. Because that would also mean Sarlfi could Shout.” He shook his head. “No.”

“Your duels with Lorse would have gone a lot differently.”

“That they would have. Stupidest duels I’ve ever been part of.” He grumbled.

“Yes.” I agreed. I almost feel bad for ruining that joke for him but… seriously. Although, that does beggar the question. Did I get the Dragon blood from mother? Lorse Is possible I suppose but Kirsir seems more likely with her being a Blade. Unless the Gods decided it was time to have another Dragonborn and decided to bless me with the blood on a whim. How do they decide these things?

Kodlak’s door opened and Vilkas looked out, his eyebrow lifting at the group that stood there. “Kodlak says come in.”

I smiled as Kodlak rose. “Silka.” He greeted warmly. “Aela has told me some of what has been going on in your life. Dragon blood and…” He shook his head. “A dangerous enemy.”

“Yes. To both.” I replied.

“So. You have come to ask for protection?”

I considered him, thinking about facing Alduin. “No.”

I heard Lucien gasp and Kaidan made a small sound. “No?” Farkas repeated. “But… The letter.”

“Alduin isn’t going to be stopped by my hiding away in Whiterun.” Taking a deep breath, I let it out slowly. “I came because I need to be stronger. I need to learn as many combat techniques as possible if I’m to have a prayer at defeating Alduin.”

Kodlak smiled. “You wish to join us.”

“Yes.”

“I’ve seen you fight.” Farkas protested. “You sparred with us on more than one occasion. Surely you’ve only gotten better.”

“What about Daggvar?” Lucien asked. “Wasn’t he the whole point of coming here? There’s less than two months left.”

“And if I learn more, I can fight him too.” I pointed out.

Kodlak’s eyes crinkled with mirth as Inigo sighed heavily. Turning I looked at Lucien and Inigo. “Could you two meet up with Lydia? Get things started with the house?” I passed Inigo some gems. “Take Meeko with you? He’s… uncomfortable in here.”

Inigo gave me a long look. “And you know why, don’t you?”

I grinned. “I do.”

Shaking his head, he tapped Lucien. Lucien scowling at me. “I thought the whole point of this was to make sure you’re safer.” He protested. “We’re not done discussing this.” He grumbled, turning and stomping away with Inigo.

I looked up at Kaidan. Are you upset about it too?

He studied my face for a moment then sighed, his expression concerned. “It’s your life, but a discussion would have made this less startling.”

Kodlak gave me a sympathetic look. “It is… difficult to make decisions that you suspect will be uncomfortable for those around you. Especially when you feel that they are a necessity.” He turned to Vilkas. “It’s more a formality at this point but… take her out to the training yard and get a feel for what she can do.” He looked at Kaidan. “Traditionally it’s only the drill master and the newcomer who go into the yard for this.”

“Alright.” He agreed. “I will stay down here.” He tapped his leg. “Blue. Stay.” He ordered softly.

The hound moved over to him and leaned against his leg, her tail waving lightly as Farkas crouched down to try and coax her over to him.

“Come on.” Vilkas murmured. “As Farkas said, you’ve sparred with us in the past. But I would like to see your raw strength. Figure out if we can get you trained on any larger weapons. See if that would do you well.”

“I worry I’d lose a lot of my dexterity if I tried to use a larger weapon.” I responded, following him into the yard. “I don’t have the advantages you do. I need to make sure I have as much speed as possible.”

“That is true.” He acknowledged. “Here, put your weapons here and grab two training weapons.”

Doing as he asked, I swung the training pick around lightly, crossing it with the lighter axe in my non-dominant hand as he moved to the center of the yard and held a greatsword out in a block. “Hit my sword as hard as you can.” He ordered.

Nodding I came in, hard and fast and hammered two blows, one from each weapon with as much of my bodyweight as I could muster. Damn, not even a waver in the sword. Not unexpected but still a blow.

“Not bad. You’ve got more strength in your off hand than I expected.” He said easily, circling with me. “Now we duel. Try to land something on me and I’ll call a halt when needed.”

“Alright.” I agreed, spinning to the side, expecting the push out of his block, using it to fuel my spin, coming in and under, missing as he twisted away, dodging his sword strike, not bothering to block it. Blocking any of his blows will be a very quick way for me to lose this duel quickly.

He came in fast, and I waited until the last second to smack my pick into the side of the sword and dart in with the axe, side stepping when he arched his body out of the way. Circling, watching for an opening, darting in when possible, engaging his sword only from the side, never head on. Hooking his sword again with the pick I dragged it up, crossing my axe under it and shoving toward the hilt, trying to disarm him. He let out a low laugh and tapped my wrist lightly with a closed fist, compromising my guard. “Enough.” He said quietly.

Lowering my arms, feeling sweat trickling down my back I shook my head. “Got too caught up in trying to end it.” I admitted, moving to put the practice weapons away and secure my proper ones.

“You did.” He agreed. “But, for most of the fighting we do that would be more than adequate. You’ve got the speed and dexterity. And you’ve got your Voice.”

“Not nearly enough words.” I responded. “I need to find more.”

“What do you need in order to do that?” He asked, leading me toward a row of archery targets. “Show me what you can do with your throwing knives and bow.”

Nodding I loosed my knives rapidly as I considered his first question. “Most of the words seem to be in old Nordic Ruins.” I responded, drawing my bow. “I wouldn’t be too surprised if there are some where the dragons have chosen to lurk. Seems like something they would guard. But I’m not entirely sure.”

Shaking out slightly achy arms I followed the Companion to the targets. “Not bad at all. How is it you’re more accurate with your throwing knives than a bow?”

“Different muscles.” I responded, working the projectiles out of the straw and putting them away.

He nodded. “I should have realized that.” He agreed. “Well, I’ve got no reservations about your joining. I can understand you not wanting to hide, but I don’t think your lover thinks so well of it.”

“I think Lucien has the bigger problem with it.” I responded. “Probably going to chalk it up to my being a Nord though.”

He shook his head. “No.” He sighed, leaning against one of the targets and tapping his nose. “Your other two companions, I scented surprise, worry off the Khajiit. But…” He shook his head, then glanced toward the door. “Your lover… had fear. Granted, it flashed up more when you mentioned Alduin.”

“Why would it have…” I frowned.

“He may fear that you’ll not be able to face him.”

“I don’t know. He tends to be more sure of what I can do than I am. There’s got to be another reason.” Rubbing my hand over my face I looked up at the werewolf. “I’m not sure I’m going to survive it.”

“Did you tell him that?” He asked, his gaze sad.

“No.” I felt my brow furrow as a thought struck me. “Damn meddling bards.” I spat, running my hand through my hair, pacing away from the targets then back. “I told Viarmo. He must have passed word along. But why?”

“You don’t think he deserved to know?” He asked, lifting an eyebrow, and crossing his arms over his chest. “That seems like something pretty important to know about your lover.” He sighed deeply. “Never pegged you as someone with a death wish. I remember you as being determined to grab everything life offered you after escaping from Daggvar.”

“I don’t have a death wish Vilkas.” I retorted. “It’s… complicated.” I just don’t think I’ll be strong enough. But as long as Alduin dies too, does it matter? Pulling my hair free of its ties I swept it into a new ponytail, twisting the leather carefully, trying to ease my irritation. “So, what do you think my initiation will be?”

“You said Nordic Ruins often have words?” He asked, his expression telling me he wasn’t amused by my changing the subject.

“Yes.”

“Perfect. A scholar came through recently. Had a few odd jobs for us. Asked us about the history of the place then told us that Dustman’s Cairn was said to contain a fragment of Wuuthrad. We haven’t had a chance to check it out but it is an old ruin so it may contain one of those Words of yours.”

“Sounds reasonable enough.” I responded, following him as he started back toward the building. “Who’re you thinking of tapping to go with me?”

“With your fighting style you’re going to need a heavy fighter.” He said, pushing into the basement. “Do you want to tell your lover he’s going to have to stay behind or shall I?” He asked, grinning down at me.

I narrowed my eyes in response. “I take it you want me to go soon?”

He nodded. “Long as the training didn’t tire you out too much.” He teased. “There’s plenty of daylight still left.” He looked up. “Farkas! Armor up!”

Farkas pushed up from Kodlak’s floor where he’d been playing with Blue; Kaidan and Kodlak looking up as we approached. “I’m already armored.” He responded, tapping his breastplate.

Vilkas snorted. “You know what I mean. Go hit up Dustman’s Cairn with Silka would you? Figure it’ll be a good initiation for a Bardic Historian to retrieve a fragment of Wuuthrad.” He looked at Kaidan. “Don’t worry. Farkas will keep anything bad from happening to her.”

Kai frowned. “Is that so?”

“Course. Silka’s my friend.” Farkas said easily, checking the straps on his weapon as Blue cavorted around my feet.

Kai rose, moving over to me, brushing the backs of his fingers on my cheek. “Be safe.” He murmured.

I laughed, wrapping my arms around him, and pushing up to kiss his cheek. “Of course! It’s a Nordic ruin so Draugr and probably a few bandits up top. Nothing to be concerned about.”

He sighed heavily, embracing me tightly. “Then clear it quickly.” He murmured, releasing me, and turning toward Kodlak’s map. “Blue.” He said quietly, tapping his leg, the hound moving back to his side.

I felt my brow quirk slightly and frowned. Why is he upset? Because I’m clearing the ruin without him? Glancing at Vilkas my frown deepened to see him watching Kaidan, his expression thoughtful.

Farkas quirked an eyebrow as well and gave me a questioning look. Shaking my head, I shrugged. “Shall we?” I asked.

Farkas nodded, moving after me into the hallway. “Aela said you didn’t remember her the last time you were in Whiterun.”

“I didn’t.” I admitted. “I was having memory issues.”

“She figured. Said she commented on your face scar to see how you’d react. Said it was weird.” He stretched toward the ceiling. “So, she wrote to Nev, asking him what in Oblivion was going on. He explained.”

“Did he? That was nice of him.” Could’ve asked me if I was okay with it first. But water under the bridge.  

“How did you manage to trigger that?” Farkas asked, scratching his head.

I shook my head. “I’m not sure.” I admitted, tapping on the bars. “There should be another lever around.” I’d rather not test my Ethereal Shout on this.

Laughter echoed through the cavern as Farkas turned around. “Well, well, well. Looks like we managed to catch ourselves a Companion.” A man said cheerfully, leading a small group of heavily armored men and women into the room. “I don’t recognize the woman.”

“Must be new.” Another responded. “What do you say companion are you going to out yourself to the newcomer? Trust that she won’t run screaming for the hills as soon as we release her?”

I frowned, narrowing my eyes, surveying the group. Silver Hand. Fuck.

“You do outnumber me.” Farkas responded, his form shuddering as he transformed, roaring his challenge.

The Silver Hand charged, and I froze as I heard a crossbow go off, watching Farkas stagger. “Farkas!” Scowling at the bars I sprinted at them. “Feim!” I Shouted, right before hitting them, passing through, pain lighting every nerve on fire.

I staggered as my form solidified, drawing my weapons and charging the one with the crossbow, slashing her throat, darting to hit another, Farkas flattening the rest before staggering to one knee, clawed hand going to the bolt half buried in his flank. I dashed over to him, “Don’t move.” I ordered, grasping the bolt, cursing under my breath as his form shivered. Get it out before he shifts, or it will impede his healing. Yanking it out faster than I liked he roared as he shivered back into human form.

“Fuck! Fuck that burns!” He groaned, breathing heavily.

“Any other wounds?” I asked, pulsing healing through him as quickly as I could, not liking how drawn his face was.

He shook his head. “Damn silver. Fucking Silver Hand.” He staggered to his feet, taking several deep breaths before he nodded. “Feels a lot better now. I’m good to continue.” He spat a bit of blood to the side. “We need to hurry before the Silver Hand get to the shards.”

“Alright.” I agreed, knowing he wouldn’t entertain another suggestion. Wait until he feels better to ask about how the Silver Hand could have gotten here at the same time as we did.

“Makes it easier that you know about my nature.” He said softly as we trekked through another room, Silver Hand and Draugr littering the ground at our feet.

The living ones must be further in. I really don’t like this. I nodded. “Yes. And they’re all dead so no one to bring word back that your newest Companion isn’t afraid of werewolves.”

“Also true.” He agreed, holding a hand up.

I lowered myself into a crouch, pulling my bow free and nocking an arrow. “Silver Hand? Or Draugr?” I whispered.

He tilted his head slightly then sniffed the air. “Silver Hand.” He responded. “Draugr smell but can’t hear any.”

I nodded, moving slowly forward with him, hoping our enemy wouldn’t hear him coming.

Three Silver Hand stood around a newly downed Draugr, one of them panting heavily as another offered them a potion. “Is it worth it? Coming down here to steal those axe shards?” He asked.

“If it’s something the bloody werewolves want then it’s something we should keep them from having.” Another responded. “Anything to cut them off at the knees.”

I loosed my arrow, watching it zip to take out the one with the potion as Farkas let out a battle cry and rushed forward to cut down the other two. “So, they know it’s here as well.” He rumbled as I moved closer. “Vilkas isn’t going to be happy.”

“He isn’t.” I agreed.

Holding up a hand as we neared another opening, Farkas shook his head. “How many are there?” He hissed, scowling as we entered the room and four Silver Hand immediately zeroed in on us.

A slight scuff warned me and I threw myself forward, biting off a yelp as the crossbow bolt sank into my right arm. “Fus Ro Dah!” I Shouted, throwing the four in front of us backward before turning and sprinting toward the crossbowman as he worked to reload.

He looked up, startled as I came in. “But silv…” His words cut off with my pick. I shook my head hard, the pain nearly making me drop my weapon. Scanning the room again for Farkas I found him stepping away from the last of the group of four.

“Think we ought to stay here and see if that Shout brings any others back here?” I asked, moving to his side.

“For a few minutes.” He agreed, studying my arm. “Do you have enough of your magic to heal this if I yank the bolt out?”

“Not completely, but enough that I won’t bleed out.” I responded, gritting my teeth, feeling a pained yelp escape my throat as he yanked it free, tossing it quickly to the side so the silver wouldn’t bother him.

Dredging up my magic I pulsed some into it when he dropped my arm, reaching for his blade, scanning the room quickly.

“I’m not coming down there.” A voice called. “You win this one Companions. But know that we’ll be back.”

“Damnit.” Farkas grumbled, scanning for a path up to the speaker, punching his fist into a pillar when he couldn't find one. “What are they planning?”

I shook my head, wrapping a bandage around my arm. “No idea. I’d love to find out though.”

He snorted. “I somehow doubt your Lover would be happy if we dragged you into another dangerous situation.”

“My existence seems to be one dangerous situation after another.” I grumbled. “I hate to drag him into any of them.” I half smiled, grabbing my waterskin. “I’m honestly surprised he didn’t argue about coming with us. He doesn’t like me going into dangerous situations without him.”

Farkas laughed, sniffing the air for a moment then pulling his own waterskin free. “Well, he loves you, so it makes sense he wouldn’t want you to get hurt.”

I choked on my water, coughing hard to clear it. “Say that again?”

He quirked an eyebrow. “It makes sense he wouldn’t want you to get hurt.”

I shook my head. “No, the other thing.”

He tilted his head slightly and a wide grin split his features. “He hasn’t told you yet, has he?” Leaning back against a pillar he took a pull of water. “For a trained bard you’re terribly unobservant.”

I wrinkled my nose, carefully capping my waterskin, my heart thudding in my ears. He loves me? Farkas would be able to smell that! So, it must be… but why wouldn’t he say…?

“You tell him how you feel yet?” Farkas asked, breaking into my thoughts.

I bit my lip hard. “I… I’m still trying to figure out exactly how I feel.” I admitted.

His eyebrows rose further, and he stared at me for a long moment before something like comprehension dawned and I felt my brow furrow. “Understandable, considering everything.” He sighed. “He seems like a good man though. And almost anyone would be better than Daggvar.”

Straightening he shook out his arms. “Come on, we might have seen the last of the Silver Hand for now, but we haven’t gotten to the shards yet. That they gave up suggests more fighting ahead.”

Chapter Text

Chapter 24: Revelations and Confessions

Kaidan: Jorrvaskr

“Do try not to worry too much about Silka.” The Harbinger said softly. “She is a capable young woman.”

“I’m very aware of that.” I responded, staring down at the map. “I just…”

“You worry anyway because you care for her.” He rose, coming over slowly to look down at the map as well. “You know what we are.” He said, looking at me, his eyes clouded with age and illness but shining with the brightness of wisdom.

Well, I do now. I nodded.

He smiled and studied me for a long moment then looked back at the map. Tapping a finger on a spot deep in the forests of Falkreath. “This is where the pack she came from lives.” He murmured.

So, the rumors of werewolves wandering Falkreath’s forests are true. “Not as far away as I’d like.”

He chuckled. “Agreed. Yes.” He sighed. “I am glad to have Silka in the Companions. I just wish she’d have joined sooner.”

“How long have you known her?”

“About eight years.” Vilkas replied. “We met her while she was still with the pack. Her father tried to negotiate a treaty of sorts. He wanted us to turn a blind eye when they raided villages.”

“I can’t imagine that conversation went over well.”

“It did not.” Kodlak agreed. “But I well remember the look on Silka’s face when we called Lorse out on his activities.” Moving with a slight limp he returned to his seat and leaned back in it. “She had never heard of a group of werewolves who lived in harmony with their neighbors. It intrigued her. So, she snuck away.” He smiled. “Her and Nevian. And a few times over about a two-year span they’d sneak away to Whiterun to talk. Silka had already perfected a spell of hers that allowed her to wipe our scent from them when they went back.”

“And then we didn’t hear anything for almost nine months.” Vilkas said quietly. “Farkas ran into her in Riften. She was experimenting with magic to change her appearance and scent. To hide. She agreed to make her way to Whiterun as soon as she had wrapped up a treasure hunting job in the area. Said she was taking smithing lessons from Balimund, but he’d already mentioned something about her learning a bit from Adrianne.” He shook his head. “Seems Balimund isn’t quite as adept at training new smiths as Adrianne is. So, she moved to Whiterun for, about a year and a half. Kept mostly to herself, but we gave her a place to sleep.”

“Had she joined you even then?” I asked.

“No. She…”

“She was hurting. And she was hiding.” Kodlak supplied. “It can take a long time for werewolf inflicted wounds to heal. Particularly because of Daggvar’s blocking her magic from her. She could heal the surface hurts but the deeper pain.” He shook his head. “The only cure is time.”

“If she’d been able to heal them right away, she wouldn’t have had as many issues.” Vilkas growled. “With Sarlfi they kept her from healing for a few hours. But… Did she tell you how long she was there?”

“She said only that he took three days and that it took her five days to pick the locks on the suppressing cuffs.” I replied, feeling my heart ache.

“So, not completely. He spent the next two days after harming her to dab cure disease potions into the wounds to make sure they wouldn’t get infected. And two days after that he left for a job. Promised he would return. Set a younger werewolf to guard his house, told him not to let her leave.”

I felt rage tightening my jaw to a painful degree and forced myself to breathe as evenly as possible. “So, she was able to escape then though.” I murmured.

“No.” Vilkas said, his eyes distant. “No, that’s when she was able to make a lockpick out of something she found in his house. And five days after that she was able to cast her chameleon spell and escape.”

“She was imprisoned for twelve days.” I repeated. I do not understand how she isn’t claustrophobic.

“Yes. To this day I don’t know why she told us. I don’t think she would now.”  

“She’s more experienced now.” A rough voice said from the doorway.

“What do you mean by that Skjor?” Vilkas asked.

The scarred man walked in, studying me, his expression inscrutable. “Aela told me that when she ran into her last time, she was harder to read than before.” He shook his head, clicking his tongue. “She’s armored now.”

“She got all that from one interaction?” I asked, facing him fully.

“We’ve known her for years.” He pointed out. “She was… how do I put this. She was looking for comfort when she came here before. And she found it.” He sighed. “Hircine knows it’s easier to connect with someone you can be honest with. But even then, there were certain things you could ask about and she’d lead you away from the question with a clever bit of wordplay. I think it was Farkas who first suggested she’d make a good bard. She didn’t take him seriously at first.”

“Why not?” I asked.

“Farkas has been known to say the same to anyone who can confuse him with words.” Vilkas responded. “Which is… most of us. He’s not stupid, but he prefers plain talk.”

“And then Eorlund mentioned it.” Skjor explained. “And she started giving it some serious thought. We all knew she couldn’t go on as she was. Occasionally treasure hunting, blacksmithing and training with us. She had to choose something. And it had to be something that could keep her safe from Daggvar. She could have gone to the mages college, but she worried about how seeing her sisters there would affect her. And she didn’t know if they would tell their brother.”

“And then things went sour in Riften.” Vilkas murmured. “I don’t know that whole story. All I know is that she showed up on the steps of Jorrvaskr, nursing a bad head injury, muttering about duplicitous thieves.” He sighed. “Once she healed, she went to Solitude, and we haven’t seen her much until now. She stuck to the Bard’s College mostly.”

“That part I do know about.” I murmured. “What happened in Riften.”

“Oh?” Kodlak asked.

I frowned, considering it. Would she be alright with my telling them? Maybe just the basics? In case Inigo mentions it. “The Khajiit who travels with us. She worked with him. At the time he was struggling with a Skooma addiction.”

“He smelled clean today.” Vilkas muttered.

“He is. The turning point was Silka getting hurt. He thought he had enough Skooma to see them through the job they were on but inexplicably he didn’t, and the withdrawals sent him into hallucinations. He thought he’d killed her.”

Vilkas visibly bristled. “Yet she travels with him? And you’re alright with that?”

“Well, yes.” I considered Inigo in my mind. “He paid the Riften guards to arrest him. He spent over a year in that cell. And when she approached him, he asked her if she was there to kill him.”

“Silka would never do that.” Skjor said, leaning against a wall.

“She wouldn’t.” I agreed, feeling a small smile threaten. “She asked him if he thought he could face a dragon. So, he’s repaying his debt.”

“How did you come to travel with her?” Skjor asked. “She’s not the kind of woman who would pick up a companion on a whim. And I’m surprised she let herself open up enough to sleep with someone on what I’m guessing is a regular basis.”

“Let alone fall in love with them.” Vilkas mused.

I brushed off his comment for the moment, tucking it into the back of my mind to examine when I had the chance. “She saved my life.” I responded, “I was ambushed by some Thalmor, and she went poking around the prison they’d brought me to, looking for what they’d taken from her. I know her well enough now to know she wouldn’t have left anyone there. But she didn’t have to help me.” I couldn’t stop the fond smile this time. “I promised to protect her in return. She didn’t have to accept that either, but she did.”

“Aela said you were traveling with her when she had her memory problems. You know anything about that?” Skjor asked, lifting an eyebrow.

“The Thalmor caused them. She was… frustrated by them but tried to brush it off.” I responded, opting not to delve too deeply into the matter.

Hurried footsteps had us turning toward the door and the brunette woman who’d approached Silka months ago peered into the room, glancing at me. “Kaidan right?”

I nodded, lifting an eyebrow.

“Good. Glad you’re still here. Farkas and Silka are on their way back. I scented them coming in and something’s wrong.” She frowned. “I caught a hint of silver.”

Worry shot through me, and I moved immediately toward the door, Vilkas narrowly beating me out of it, Blue whining and running with me as she sensed the change in atmosphere.

“Shouldn’t have been difficult.” Vilkas was muttering as we moved. “Should’ve been straightforward.”

Vilkas led the way across the plains, his pace punishing when he paused suddenly, turning to the right. A moment later, Blue darted past both of us, baying her excitement, disappearing into a small hollow as I caught the first hint of smoke. Trading quick glances, Vilkas and I moved a little slower, coming down into the hollow see Silka arguing quietly with Farkas.

Farkas looked up as we approached, prompting Silka to glance up as well. She smiled when she spotted me, looking a little sheepish. “How’d you know we ran into some trouble?” She asked, shifting her legs up toward her chest, stroking Blue’s ears.

“Aela scented you.” Vilkas responded, moving toward Farkas as I moved swiftly to crouch by Silka, lifting her face, frowning over how pale she was under her freckles.

 “What happened?” I asked, shifting down to kneel at her side, frowning over the bandage on her arm, the small, unhealed gash on her right temple.

Farkas shook his head, glancing at me. “Someone else got there first. Going after the shards.”

“He knows Farkas.” Vilkas said quickly. “You don’t have to speak in riddles.”

“Silver Hand.” Silka said. “They set a trap. They’ve got crossbows. Takes a lot of power to heal a wound left by a silver treated crossbow bolt.” She smiled up at me. “I’ll be alright. I’m just really tired.”

Farkas shook his head. “No. I think you got something from the Draugr in that last room. Your scent is a little off.”

“Perfect.” She responded, shaking her head. “A lovely way to prove myself.”

Vilkas snorted. “How many Silver Hand are we talking?” He asked, his voice hard.

“I think six in the ambush.” Farkas responded. “Those I shifted for cause Silka got caught behind some bars. A few who didn’t make it past the Draugr, didn’t count them. Three just past there. Then another ambush, sort of, of four. And then at least one more who didn’t show his face. So…” He calculated on his fingers. “At least fourteen who were alive when we encountered them.”

“And they were there for the shards?”

“That’s what they said.” Silka responded, leaning into my chest. “Mm. I could sleep for a week it feels like.”

“Biggest band of bandits we’ve ever seen in one of these ruins is ten. There shouldn’t have been…” Vilkas grimaced. “Still. Think you can limp to Jorrvaskr in the morning? You’ve more than proved yourself.”

“She needs a Cure Disease potion.” Farkas responded. “We just needed to rest for a while. Plus, I could use a Cure Poison potion. Silka got most of the silver out, but it still feels like I’ve got a little bit kicking around, and I had to grab the bolt that got her arm.” He shook his head. “Too much silver.”

“Farkas. Lean on my shoulder. Kaidan, you have her?” Vilkas asked, putting the fire out quickly, grabbing Silka’s bow and pack.

“Of course.” I responded, lifting Silka in my arms.

“I can walk.” She grumbled, letting me lift her up regardless.

“This is the second time you’ve been injured trying to clear a ruin without me.” I muttered. “I told you I never wanted to see you take another arrow.”

She smiled at me. “One, it was a crossbow bolt. And two; you didn’t see it.”

“Do you really want to have a conversation about semantics right now?” I scowled. “Or do I need to remind you that your friend promised nothing bad would happen to you?”

“I deserved that.” Farkas rumbled. “To be fair, as Vilkas said, we’ve never dealt with Silver Hand like this before. We’ve run into them of course but… didn’t think they’d be hunting for shards of Wuuthrad.”

“Who are these Silver Hand that you mention?” I asked.

“Werewolf hunters.” Silka supplied. “Not like the Vigilants who hunt anything Daedra related. Their focus is solely on werewolves.” She shook her head then winced. “Not sure why they seem to focus on the Companions though. Not with people like Lorse around.”

“They’re probably afraid of the Hagravens.” Vilkas pointed out.

“Vilk. You think we should take the back tunnel? Everyone should be inside by now.” Farkas suggested.

“Might be a good idea. We could dump you both in the recovery rooms down there.”

“I’ll be fine.” Farkas protested. “Just need some rest. Silka’s an extremely powerful healer.”

“Yes, and she’s completely done in. And I can still smell traces of silver.” Vilkas countered and I hid my grin.

I like him. Shifting Silka some in my arms I looked down at her, worried that she had passed out.

Glancing up at me she smiled. “I’ll be alright.” She said softly, reaching her hand up to run her fingers lightly along my tattoo. “Just need a cure disease potion and some sleep and I’ll be right as rain. Maybe I should’ve brought some magicka potions, could’ve healed Farkas completely.”

I frowned. “And then you would have run yourself even further into the ground.” I countered.

“True.” She agreed, nestling her face into the side of my neck, making my breath hitch. Gods, I love you.

“I’m going to shut my eyes for a bit.” She added, her breathing evening out and her weight changing as she started falling asleep.

Not completely comfortable with you falling asleep before healing but… worse comes to worse we take you to the temple of Kynareth. Shifting her again, I let out a long breath as her weight settled.

Farkas let out a soft laugh and I glanced over at him. “What’s funny?”

“Silka.” He responded. “Says she doesn’t know how she feels about you but…” He shook his head. “It’s so obvious.” He studied my face for a moment and his changed some, hardening. “What are you going to do when Daggvar shows up again? He is not going to be happy that Silka’s fallen in love with you.”

“We’re working on a plan.” I responded, feeling a warm glow deep in my chest. Second werewolf to say Silka loves me. I’m guessing that’s something they can smell then.

“That’s good. We can help you with that.”

“Just through here.” Vilkas said, pushing a bit of rock as Farkas leaned against the cliff face.

Following Vilkas and Farkas into the dark tunnel I suppressed a long sigh as I watched Blue gamboling around Vilkas’ feet. Everyone has secrets. Who would’ve thought that the Companions secret is that they harbor werewolves?

“This way.” Vilkas led us down a side tunnel and nodded around as we stepped into a cavern.

I looked around appreciatively. Well-lit with a table and chairs, a wooden crate sitting on the table. “Why’s this set up down here?”

“Not all the companions know werewolves walk among them.” Farkas explained, sitting down at the table as Vilkas moved over to the crate. He pointed out a couple of doors. “So, when one of us gets hurt, if there’s a risk we’ll shift, we come down here.” He frowned. “Do we have any cure disease potions down here Vilk?” He asked. “It’s not like we need them.”

“But you know Kodlak.” Vilkas responded, pulling a couple of potions out of the crate, opening each and sniffing them for a long moment before nodding decisively and moving to the other side of the table, passing Farkas one and then approaching me. “Come on. The rooms are cleaned daily just in case. Learned that one the hard way.” He muttered, pushing the left hand one open. “There are a couple rooms down here so Silka can sleep off her injuries in this one.”

I nodded, stepping into the room, shifting Silka to set her down when she stirred. “I’m awake.” She mumbled. “I can stand.”

“If you’re sure.” I responded, barely noticing Vilkas leaving and shutting the door behind him.

“Mmhmm.” She said softly and I nodded, loosening my grip, and letting her down. She wavered immediately and I tightened my grip, helping her remove her weapons and pulling her armor free.

Sitting her down on the bed I stripped my armor swiftly, setting it to the side, putting my weapons and boots alongside, Blue curling up next to the pile, her tail thumping quietly as she got comfortable.

Silka watched me, a slightly dazed smile on her face. “Mm, trying to think if I want to see if there’s a bath down here. Get cleaned up some.”

I frowned at her, crossing my arms over my chest when someone rapped on the door. “It’s Vilkas. Mind if I come in.”

“That’s fine.” I called back.

“Ah. Good. You woke up. Bathwater’s hot if you want to clean up before you pass out again. Take the cure disease potion first? And I’ve found a healing potion as well.”

“You’re feverish.” I murmured, frowning over Silka as she nestled into my arms, her wet hair bound tightly in a braid.

“I’ll get better.” She murmured. “Just got to let the potion work its magic.” She frowned. “Kaidan.” She said softly.

“Yes?”

“Don’t. Don’t fall in love with me.”

Pain ripped through my chest, and I took a few calming breaths. “Oh?” I managed.

“Yes.” She said, her fingers resting on my cheek, her gaze serious. “If you do… you’ll hurt when Alduin kills me. And I don’t want that.”

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Gods damn it all. Silka… “Sweetheart.” I responded, fighting the tears I could feel threatening, watching the tear sliding down her cheek. “It’s the fever talking.” I whispered. “You’ll be fine.”

“No. No. I’m just a Bard Kai. I’m just a Bard. As long as I can kill him too it’ll be worth it. But I don’t want to hurt you.”

“We’ll find you what you need to fight him. I’m not going to lose you to a dragon. Not even the World Eater.” I can’t lose you. I can’t. You don’t understand. You’re the reason my life has meaning. I can’t lose you.

“You think we can?” She asked, her expression hard to read.

“I think we will. We have to.” I told her, brushing the backs of my fingers on her fever warmed cheeks. “I can’t lose you sweetheart.”

“Kai.” She said softly. “It doesn’t matter anyway. I’m too weak. Not worth loving.”

Breathing out a long breath I pulled her tightly to my chest. “Darling. I can’t help who I fall in love with. And… would it be so bad if I loved you?”

“I don’t want you hurt.” She repeated. “And Daggvar already wants to kill you. And the dragons…” She shook her head, “But also. Kai. You’re not understanding. Daggvar showed me how weak I am… Alduin… Alduin is stronger than he is. I don’t have a chance.”

“Do you want to die?” I asked, feeling pain still coursing through my chest. Pain, and anger. That Fucking werewolf. He’ll die for hurting you. For making you think so little of yourself. And I’ll do my damnedest to keep him away from you.

She shook her head hard, then winced. “No. No I don’t want to die, but…”

“Then don’t.” I shifted us, bracing myself over her, sheltering her, from what I wasn’t even sure. “Darling.” I took a deep breath. “It’s too late anyway.”

“Too late for what?” She asked, her eyes fever bright and I knew she was fading fast.

“I’m in love with you.”

She blinked.  “You… why?”

I laughed softly. “It would take too long to list the reasons.” I whispered, leaning down to kiss her forehead. “I could try. But later. You need to rest.”

She blinked again then nodded slightly, seemingly at a loss for words. “Alright.” She agreed.

Shifting back down to the bed I pulled her tightly to me. “I love you.” I repeated. “More than anything. So don’t… don’t give up on yourself just yet.”

“Alright Kai.” She whispered. “I’ll try not to.” She gave me a ghost of her usual smile. “For you.”

For you. The words echoed in my head as she dropped into sleep, nestled against my chest, her skin still fever warm. For me. She’ll live for me. Doesn’t want to hurt me. What the brothers have both said… Looking at her, I smiled through the pain. It’s obvious, Farkas says. And I suppose, yes. He’s right. There’s a light. A light that she gets when she looks at me. It warms me through. And she worries about hurting me. Yes, I can believe that she loves me, but I won’t push her. Not when she’s so scared.

Sleep eluded me and I finally worked my way carefully out from under Silka, pulling the blanket around her, watching her sleep for a moment before leaving the room, Blue getting up to trot after me. Vilkas and Farkas were sitting at the table, surveying a logic game, looking up when I came in.

“You’re looking better.” I greeted.

“I feel better.” Farkas replied, then sighed, sharing a look with his brother. “We need to talk.”

“About what?” I asked, sitting down.

“A lot of things really.” Farkas murmured. “Our nature, and Silka.”

“What’s there to talk about?” I asked, accepting a mead from Vilkas. “I have no intention of telling anyone you’re werewolves. That’s your business.”

“Alright, that’s one thing taken care of. Your timing…” He tilted his head toward the door. “She might not remember you told her when the fever breaks.”

You were listening? I suppose werewolf senses might be better, but still… rude. I frowned. “That’s fine. I’m not convinced she’s ready to hear it when she’ll remember. She’s still worried she’s going to fall to Alduin.” I grimaced when the words left my mouth, feeling pain squeeze my chest. “And she’s worried that Daggvar will find a way to kill me.”

“He’ll definitely try.” Vilkas responded. “Which means…” He smiled, a feral, wolfish grin. “You’re going to be my new sparring partner.”

Farkas chuckled. “It makes sense.” He agreed. “Vilk is about as fast as Daggvar is. And they’re probably matched for strength. If you can fight him to a standstill then it bodes well for facing Daggvar.”

“We had discussed collecting silvered arrows.” I told them.

“Sensible.” Farkas agreed. “Give them to your Khajiit friend.”

“Yes.” Vilkas agreed. “If he can manage to get a headshot while shaky with Skooma withdrawals, he must be better without.”

“Much better.” I agreed. “He’s… a better shot than I am and I’m not a slouch. Better than Silka too. And she’s… well she’s more accurate with her knives, but she’s still damned good.”

“What about the Imperial?” Farkas asked.

I sighed, shaking my head. “He’s still Green. He’s getting better, but…” I frowned. “Oh. Nevian said he was going to head back here when the four months is up. We need to figure out a way to let him know we came here. Without risking tipping off Daggvar if he intercepts the letter.”

“That’s good. Nev’s a good fighter. I’d like to see him join the Companions but I’m not sure if he’s ready to face Sarlfi yet. On some level he still defers to him.” Vilkas muttered.

“Based on what Silka told me, he didn’t see them destroy the village, he ran like he was told to. That may be why. He doesn’t have all the memories she does.”

Vilkas nodded. “He admitted that to us at one point. He believes her account. But as a werewolf he was also required to work with him for training and patrols. He had no choice, but it may have painted him in a slightly new light. Silka also told us she didn’t tell him what Daggvar did for fear he’d try to fight him on his own. She change her mind yet?”

I shook my head. “Not as far as I know. He may have overheard some when we had just left Riften, but I’m not sure.”

“Well, we’ll ask him when he gets here.” Farkas said, looking over the game. “You should probably send word to your friends that you’re spending the night here. I can show you the way out.”

“I completely forgot about that.” I admitted. “They’ll be worried, but I don’t want to leave her.”

He nodded, rising from the table. “Fair enough. I’ll go alone then. Where are they staying?”

“They should be in the little house near Adrianna’s forge. Silka bought it today.”

“Breezehome?” He considered it. “Easy enough. I need to find some food anyway. I’ll bring something back.”

Chapter Text

Chapter 25: Dreams, Companions, and Blades

Silka: Whiterun

“Did you hear about Sarlfi?” Nev asked, leaning against a boulder, picking at a blade of grass.

“Probably not.” I responded, braiding a bit of leather. “I try to stay out of his way.”

“Lorse apparently signed a marriage contract for him.”

“Poor girl. Guess the packs didn’t want to risk another “womanizer” like Lorse in charge.”

“So I’ve heard. But. Even more interesting? It’s rumored that Lorse also signed a contract for Daggvar. ”

I felt my brows furrow. “But Daggvar isn’t even technically part of our pack.”

“Which probably means it’s one of our pack members.” He pointed out. “And Lorse felt comfortable enough to sign His signature on it.”

“That could mean anything.” I pointed out. “But again. Poor girl.”

He laughed. “What would you do if he signed something for you?” He asked, his expression becoming deadly serious.

“Probably move up our plans.”  I responded. “We should anyway.” I added, pressing fingers lightly to my cheek injury. “I don’t want the twins to…”

He nodded. “I’ve been talking to Sarlfi. Threading the idea that it would be a good way to learn college secrets.” He lowered his voice. “I don’t think he likes hagravens, so he seems to like the idea. ”

“That’s a surprise.” I considered the leather. “What would you do if Lorse signed a contract for you?”

“Probably cry.” He said, giving me a wide grin. “Lorse doesn’t need me to marry anyone. He doesn’t care what I do. So., I think after the twins are settled, I’ll travel for a few months. Try to find someone with muscles. Maybe I could talk to the Companion twins in Whiterun.”

I snorted. “As if either of them would want Lorse as a father-in-law.”

“That’s true.” He sighed. “But someone with muscles. Lovely, lovely muscles.”

“You’re shallow Nev.” I told him, grinning when he tossed the grass he’d been shredding at me.

“What about you? You ever think about love?”

Sobering, I looked down at the leather. “No. What would be the point?”

“We’re going to get away Sil. You’ll have your freedom. You’ll be able to love anyone you want.”

“Maybe.” I agreed. “But just you watch. You claim to want a warrior and you’re going to fall in love with a scrawny-assed scholar.”

“As long as they accept my wolf, I couldn’t care less Sil.” He laid back on the grass, staring up at the sky.

“That could be a hurdle.” I acknowledged. “I’ll be happy just getting out of here. Even if it means being alone.” I sighed. “No one should be burdened with my problems.”

Nev grumbled something under his breath before lifting himself up on an elbow and studying me. “I just want you to find someone who loves you. Scars and all.” He frowned. “Promise me. Promise me you won’t give up. No matter what happens. Alright?”

Looking down at the leather in my hand I twisted it a little more. “I’ll think about it.” I promised.

Shifting as I woke up, I smiled to feel Kaidan pull me tighter against his chest. “Nu-uh.” He mumbled; his voice heavy with sleep.

Squirming in his grasp I managed to twist so I was facing him, trying not to wake him up. He stirred anyway and I sighed at my failure, pushing up against his arm, resting my forearms on his chest, watching him wake up.

His eyes opened and an eyebrow rose slightly as he smiled, moving a hand to gently push some hair out of my face, resting the back of it on my forehead. “Your fever broke.” He murmured. “I’m glad to see it.”

Shifting closer to him I kissed him before leaning back again, staring down at him. “Morning Kaidan.”

“Morning beautiful.” He whispered, pulling me back to his chest so he could roll us over, pushing up on his elbows over me. “Did you sleep well?”

“More or less.” I responded, smiling up at him, the dream playing in my mind. And we know now who that contract was for. Gods I should’ve run while Nev and Sarlfi were gone. But… I sighed, content where I was. I’m safe for now.

“Did you want to talk about it?” He asked, his gaze concerned.

I flushed. “It was a memory. Not a terrible one this time. Just me and Nev, talking about love.”

His eyebrows rose and he smiled. “Oh?”

I nodded. “Yes.”

“What about love?”

I frowned. “How Nevian was free to love whoever her wanted and I’d never have that chance.” I murmured. “He assured me we’d find a way out. That I’d have my freedom.” I reached a hand up, tracing Kai’s tattoo, noting how serious his eyes were. “Old habits. Old habits die hard.” I whispered, hoping he would understand what I was trying to say. I don’t know How to tell if what I feel is love. I spent so many years certain it would be unfair of me to love someone. My cold reputation at the College was well earned. I felt my brow furrow as a memory started trying to surface. Why am I suddenly concerned with this? Why right now? What did we talk about last night? Or was it the dream?

He smiled down at me, leaning in to kiss my forehead. “Sweetheart. You’re not obligated to tell me how you feel.” He drew back. “As much as I would love to know… There’s no deadline. Not on this.”

You want to know? It makes sense and I think I want to know how you feel too, but… The memory tickled at me again. Is now the right time? Although. We need to talk about Alduin. I need to ask you if the Bards told you how I feel about my chances.  

Shaking my head, I reached up and pulled Kai down for a long kiss. “You’re too good for me Kai.” I murmured. “I don’t know how I got so lucky finding you.” I felt myself sober, trying to force myself to remember what the fever had fogged. “But you’ll tell me. You’ll tell me if you ever want to end things. You won’t just disappear on me?”

Shaking his head he shifted, pulling me onto his lap, tilting my face up toward him. “Of course not.” He whispered. “You don’t ever need to worry about that.”

“That’s all I wanted to know.” I responded, kissing him hard, skimming my nails lightly down his sides and back as he crushed me to him, deepening the kiss, tangling his fingers in my hair.

Pulling back, he studied my face. “You won’t ever need to worry about my leaving.” He repeated emphatically, then frowned, looking concerned.

“Then we’re stuck with each other for the long haul.” I murmured. Because the thought of leaving you. For any reason. Is not something I can entertain. 

He smiled down at me. “I’m glad to hear it.”

I grinned. “Something told me you would be.” I replied, pulling his face to mine again, rocking my pelvis slightly.

He hissed, running his hands down my sides, gripping my hips, grinding against me, his eyes darkening with want when he paused.

I tilted my head slightly. “Is something wrong?”

“I…” He shook his head. “No. Nothing’s wrong.” He murmured, kissing me, pulling my breastband off before he crushed me to his chest again. “I will never tire of feeling your skin against mine.”

Giving him an impish smile, I tracked my fingers lightly down his back, sliding my hands into his pants to squeeze his ass. “I know exactly what you mean.” I murmured.

Breaking apart just long enough to strip, I raised an eyebrow as he pulled me back to his lap, leaning his back against the wall.

Rocking my pelvis slightly I felt the hardness of his cock pressing between us, feeling my arousal building as he pressed his lips lightly to my shoulder. “I want to go slow.” He murmured. “I want to remember. Remember every time.” He whispered.

I caught his gaze, resting my hands on his face. He does know. He knows I fear Alduin will kill me. He knows and he’s hurting. And it’s my fault. Pressing a firm kiss to his lips I pulled his face down so our foreheads could touch. “Of course.” I whispered, feeling tears prick my eyes. 

He kissed me again, soft, insistent, his hands shifting to my ass, pressing me tightly against him. Slowly skimming my nails down his back again I drew them back up, tracing scars, pulling away from the kiss to catch my breath, kissing him again, feeling him draw his hands around to my thighs, fingers shifting to brush against my clit, hearing a soft moan, from who I couldn’t tell.

Reaching a hand down I ran fingers down his shaft, bringing them back up slowly, hearing his groan.

Shifting my weight, I lifted myself up and guided him into me, leaning my head back at the sensation of fullness, shivering when he trailed kisses slowly along the side of my neck, lingering over my collarbone, shifting to kiss me again as I slowly moved my body, tightening myself around him slightly, leaning my head on his shoulder, resting a hand on his chest.

“Silka.” He whispered; his voice full of an emotion I couldn’t place. He lifted one arm, pressing it against my shoulders, his other around my lower back, holding me to him, slowing the pace further. “Gods Silka.” He shifted, twisting, and moving us down to the bed, pressing me gently into it, thrusting slowly, moving a hand back to my clit, pushing me to my edge.

I tightened around him as I came, stifling a cry of pleasure. He buried his face in my shoulder, picking up the pace just barely before he lifted head and moved a hand to rest against my cheek. I felt my breath catch at the look in his eyes before he was pressing his lips to mine, thrusting one last time before he held, breaking the kiss, pressing his face back against my shoulder as he shuddered with his release.

Lifting himself up after a long moment he trailed his fingers along the side of my face. “No matter what happens. No matter what we face. I will never forget how this feels.”

“Kai.” I murmured, lifting a hand up to rest against his face. “I…” I sighed, smiling at him. “Nor will I.”

“A successful test!” Aela greeted as I stepped into the training yard from around the building, Vilkas and Farkas moving to join her, Kaidan and Blue having broken off to check in with the others after Vilkas had explained that tradition dictated that I meet with the Circle alone.

Kodlak smiled at me. “Brothers and Sisters of the Circle, today we welcome a new soul into our mortal fold. This woman has endured, has challenged and has showed her valor. Who will speak for her?”

Farkas put his fist over his heart and gave a short bow. “I stand witness for the courage of the soul before us.”

“Would you raise your shield in her defense?” Kodlak asked.

“I would stand at her back, that the world may never overtake us.” Farkas responded.

“And would you raise your sword in her honor?”

“It stands ready to meet the blood of her foes.”

“And would you raise a mug in her name?”

“I would lead the song in triumph as our mead hall reveled in her stories.”

“Then this judgement of the Circle is complete. Her heart beats with fury and courage that have united the Companions since the days of the distant green summers. Let it beat with ours, so the mountains may echo and our enemies may tremble at the call.”

Skjor nodded at me, his scarred face unusually cheered as the Circle spoke as one. “It shall be so.”

Kodlak moved toward me, his smile warm. “Well, girl, you’re one of us now.” He clasped me in a warm embrace. “Where is your Lover this morning?”

“Ah, we left him near my home.” I responded, “To check in with my other traveling partners.”

“Now we just await your brother. And then…” He studied the wall. “I only hope that we can keep the battle away from the rest of the city.”

“You think he’ll come all the way here then? All the way to Jorrvaskr?” I asked, worry spiking in my heart.

“Yes child. I do. But…” he clapped his hand on my shoulder. “Go. Speak to Eorlund. Your ebony axe there is quite impressive. I would love to hear the story of how you obtained it, but your pick.” He shook his head. “It looks like something dragged out of an old Nordic Ruin.”

I flushed. “Well… That’s exactly where I got it.” I admitted. “It’s served me well against dragons.”

“You’re one of us now Silka. Go. See Eorlund. Tell him you need a proper weapon.” He sobered. “Be aware. He is grieving his son.”

I felt my brow furrow. “Which son?”

He sighed. “Thorald. His wife believes him to still live. Believes that the Battle-Born Clan had something to do with his disappearance. Try not to mention it.”

“Of course. We Bards know when to keep our mouths shut.” I considered Mikael. “Most of us.”

He laughed, Skjor and Aela joining in as they approached. “I’m looking forward to taking a chunk out of your old pack.” Skjor said, his smile dark. “Finally, we’ll have an excuse.”

I smiled, stepping into their shared embrace. “My apologies for the last time we spoke Aela.” I murmured, comforted by their presence.

“I understand. I’ll know to push next time.” She responded. “I wrote to your brother. He explained everything. Although, he neglected to inform me that you had begun sleeping with your traveling companion.” She patted my shoulder. “I’d like to see what kind of shot he is with his bow.”

“He’s in Breezehome with my other traveling companions. And who you should really see shoot is Inigo. But Kaidan’s bow is something else.” I laughed then sobered, thinking of how Kai had held me that morning. Neither of them would be happy to hear what I think of my chances either. Shor knows Vilkas wasn’t.

“What’s wrong girl?” Skjor asked. “Did you have a spat with your Lover? Is he upset you joined us?”

I shook my head. “No. I’m just. Borrowing trouble. Thinking of the future.”

“Well quit it.” Aela admonished, tapping me lightly on the back of my head. “Go talk to Eorlund. See if he’ll suggest talking to Fralia. I have my own suspicions on what might have happened to Thorald.”

“I’ll see what I can do.” I promised, moving past the couple.

“Silka!” Aela called, prompting me to turn. “I’m going to go speak with your traveling companions. What’s the Imperial’s name?”

“Lucien. Be nice to him, would you? He’s learning quicker than I expected.”

“Uh-huh. If you want nice you should send Farkas.”

“I’m not sending anyone.” I pointed out.

“Do they know?” She asked, lifting an eyebrow.

I shook my head. “Inigo suspects. Lucien has no idea. Nor does my Housecarl Lydia.”

“Noted.”

Climbing up to the Skyforge I paused, watching Eorlund work, soothed by the sounds and scents of the forge.

After several moments he straightened, putting the armor he worked on to the side. “So, who’s been lurking?” He asked, turning his gaze on me, smiling broadly. “Silka. It’s nice to see you again child.”

“Hello Eorlund. Kodlak sent me your way.”

“Oh! You finally joined up?” He smiled. “I am pleased to hear it. So what weapon are we replacing?”

“My pick. Though he said you’d want to see my axe.” I explained, moving close and drawing both weapons, chattering with him familiarly, feeling residual stress melting away, even as I noticed the grief that clouded his eyes. No. I’m sorry Aela. I will not pester him about his son. I will leave him be as Kodlak suggested.

Walking toward Breezehome I stiffened when I heard a low sound near the temple. Turning my head, I felt my eyebrows lift when I recognized Delphine. “Is there somewhere we can talk?” She whispered.

“Yes.” I murmured, leading her toward Breezehome.

“You have a house. Good. You’ll want to make sure it’s secure. I can give you pointers if you’d like.” She said, looking around as Lydia moved a chair.

“I have it well in hand.” Lydia protested.

I nodded. “You do. Why don’t you take a break for lunch? Get something from Carlotta or the Bannered Mare?” I asked. “You’ve certainly been working hard.”

“As you say my Thane.” She responded, giving another narrow-eyed look to Delphine before leaving.

“You don’t trust her?” Delphine asked.

“It’s not that.” I responded, leaning against the wall, admiring the amount of work that had been put into the house, smiling up at Kaidan as he joined me smelling lightly of sweat, his armor and shirt missing. “Just. Want her to be safe.” I sighed. “Or as safe as possible at least. So, what brings you here?” I asked, noting Inigo and Lucien perching on the table, watching Delphine suspiciously. Meeko and Blue lifted their heads from where they lay under the table, watching her for a long moment before settling back down.

“I know how to get the answers we need from the Thalmor.”

“That was quick.” Lucien said.

She smiled. “When you spend as long as I have doing this. You gain speed. My contact is a Bosmer named Malborn. I’ve told him to expect you in Solitude in exactly seventeen days. He’ll be able to smuggle some gear into the Embassy for you.”

“Hold on. Back up.” Kaidan ordered, straightening away from the wall. “What is this plan?”

“I have a way to get one of you…” She nodded toward me. “Preferably you, into the Thalmor Embassy to find their dossiers. They’ll have one on the dragons. That will tell us if they had something to do with everything.”

“You realize that Silka is wanted by the Thalmor already, yes?” Inigo asked, swishing his tail in agitation.

“Yes.” She turned toward him; “but I have not spent our time apart idling about. I also gathered information about our Dragonborn. I’m told she is a master of disguise.”

“Disguises that the Thalmor would see right through.” Kaidan snarled. “She uses magic. They’ll be checking for that at the Embassy.”

“I find myself agreeing with Kaidan.” Lucien said, “that’s a first.”

“How are you at Enchanting?” She asked, looking at me. “Could you attach your spell to a pendant perhaps? Or even better, some earrings?”

I closed my eyes for a long moment. “I’ve done it before.” I admitted. “The stakes were not quite so high.” With a sigh I tugged my hair over my shoulder. “I can make a set of earrings that will last up to a week with constant use. Getting hit with shock magic decreases the charge greatly though.”

“So just don’t get caught.” Delphine responded, shrugging a shoulder. “That’s the goal anyway.”

“Just don’t get caught.” Inigo scoffed. “If it is so simple, why don’t you do it?”

“I’m no bard.” She replied. “Silka however… is. She can easily speak with Elenwen without raising suspicion.” She smiled. “You could refuse but… this is the fate of the world we’re talking about. Malborn will be waiting at the Winking Skeever with a bottle of Alto Wine. Ask him if he has ever had Colovian Brandy. That’s how he’ll know to trust you. I’ll meet you at the farm to give you your invite. You’ll go under the name Sabiri Sylone.” With another smile she walked out the door, pulling it closed behind her.

Silence reigned for a long moment, broken only by Meeko’s soft snores. Finally, Lucien shifted. “What. The Fuck?” He asked, staring at the now closed door. “She can’t be serious.”

“I don’t think Delphine knows anything but serious.” Inigo responded; his ears flat. “How would the Companions feel about this?”

“That’s the easy part.” I responded. “I can just ask for jobs close to Solitude and tell them that I have Dragonborn business to attend to, so it’ll take a little while.”

Kaidan made a soft noise in the back of his throat and strode out of the house.

Shifting away from the wall I moved to go after him. “I agree with Kaidan.” Inigo said, frowning at me as I paused to look at them. “This is a bad idea. It will not go well.”

Lucien nodded. “Two for one.” He murmured. “Wonders never cease.”

Shaking my head, I pushed out the door, scanning the street for Kai. Not seeing him I went around back, biting my lip when I couldn’t find him there either. Come on Kaidan. Just because I Can do it, doesn’t mean I want to. Moving swiftly through the streets, worry eating at me, I made my way back to Jorrvaskr, the sounds of someone dueling reaching my ears as I neared.

“Never seen you this slow Vilkas!” Aela yelled out, her laughter carrying easily in the crisp air.

I picked up the pace, rounding the corner, stopping as Farkas lifted a hand on my approach. “Silka. What happened?” He asked.

“What do you mean?” I asked, trying to move past him to see who was dueling.

He sighed, letting me by and falling in step. “Your Lover came up here smelling of rage and grabbed a sword, asked Vilkas to duel him.”

I flinched. “Damnit.”

Farkas shook his head. “You get in an argument?” He asked.

“No. But I suspect one might be coming.” I responded, biting my lip hard, watching Kai and Vilkas go at it.

“What happened?”

“Someone gave me an idea to help with the dragons. But it’s going to be dangerous. Extremely dangerous.” I shook my head. “I need to talk to him about it.”

“Define very dangerous.” He said as Aela moved over to join us.

“It involves the Thalmor.” I whispered. “Specifically. Stealing something from the Thalmor.”

“No wonder he’s pissed off.” Farkas mused. “The Thalmor aren’t anything to be messed with.”

“I know. I know that from personal experience.” I let out a long breath. “And so does he.”

“There’s no other way to get the information?” He asked.

“I don’t know. But by the time we figure it out…” I sighed. “The only ones who have the ability to pull this off are myself and Inigo. And Inigo wouldn’t be able to get where he needs to. So, that leaves me.”

“Well. You’re a Companion now so at least take a job on the way.” Aela said. “In fact. Vilkas was saying something about getting a group to deal with a dragon that’s set itself up on Eldersblood Peak. The Jarl of Morthal sent us a missive, asking us to deal with it.”

I nodded. “Alright. Not too terribly off the path to Solitude.” 

Vilkas pushed away from Kaidan, both men pausing for a moment and I stepped forward. “Kaidan.” I called, moving closer. “We need to talk.”

He turned away from the werewolf and nodded slightly. “We do.” He agreed, moving away from Vilkas, putting the sword away.

Vilkas nodded at me and moved to join Aela and Farkas as I stepped forward. “Kai.” I murmured.

“This is idiotic.” He spat, moving to the edge of the training yard, shaking his head. “She just came in and dropped orders like it was her right.” He turned. “Silka. This is…” He shook his head. “You know what they’ll do to you if they catch you. Back then it was for Bardic music. For maybe knowing something about Blades and Akaviri. This? This would be ten times worse.”

“I know.” I acknowledged. “I know.”

“And it brings us far too close to the end of the four months for comfort.” He added, pacing, his breathing uneven.

“I know.” I repeated.

“And the worst part.” He broke off and turned, striding over to me, and lifting me off the ground, crushing me to him, his muscles trembling noticeably.

I shifted in his embrace until I could return it. “Kaidan.” I whispered.

“The worst part Silka.” He put me down, moving to the outside wall, leaning his arm against it. “The worst part is I understand it.” He turned, sliding down along the wall. “We need to know if they’re behind the dragons. We need their information.”

“I don’t think they are.” I said softly. “But they may have discovered something we haven’t.” I agreed. “Kai. This. This is a time where just because I can do something; doesn’t mean I want to.”

He looked up at me, his expression hard to read. I gave him a small smile, moving closer and kneeling in front of him, resting my hands on his knees. “Kaidan. I don’t have a death wish. I don’t want to die.”

“And what happens if they catch you?” He whispered. “What happens then?”

I shifted, resting my head on my hands, looking at him. They torture me. I know that. And they may contact Daggvar. I know that too. But Delphine is right. The world itself is at stake here. “I’ll be fine Kai. I know how to utilize stealth. I’ll be so quick you’ll barely register I was gone.” I promised.

He reached a hand out, stroking my hair, his face troubled. “Now who’s making promises they may not be able to keep?” He sighed heavily. “But. I’ll hold you to that. You get out of there with the information. Get out and come back to me in one piece.” His fingers trembled. “Promise me. Promise me you’ll come back to me.”

I gave him a reassuring smile. “I promise.”

Chapter Text

Chapter 26: Dragons, Rituals, and Bad News

Kaidan: Eldersblood Peak

“I still think we should stay in Whiterun.” Lucien protested.

Silka laughed. “Just be glad the Companions don’t care if I drag you along on my jobs.” She told him, pausing in our hike up the mountain, glancing back to where we’d told both hounds to wait.

“We know this isn’t a one-person job.” Vilkas retorted, shading his eyes, looking upward. “I’ve been itching to fight one of these things since they started showing up anyway.”

“Are all Companions as bloodthirsty as you are?” The Imperial protested.

Silka moved over to him and slung her arm over his shoulders. “What do you think? Am I bloodthirsty? Besides, I want to see if my theory of them guarding word walls is correct.”

I watched them interact, hanging back with Inigo. It’s strange. Seeing her interact with Vilkas. She’s familiar with him. In a way that I try not to feel jealous over. There’s too much about her I still don’t know. So much I want to know.

“Tell me about the Thalmor job.” Vilkas prodded. “Whose idea was it?”

“Believe it or not but it was a Blade contact.” She responded. “Seems they’re trying to figure out if the Thalmor know anything about the dragons returning. See if they had something to do with it.”

The werewolf nodded. “I suppose it makes sense. Although with it being Alduin that seems foolish as it would mean the end of them too.”

“Agreed. But we still need to find out.”

He shook his head. “How do you intend to stay undetected?”

She laughed. “Magic Vilkas.”

I sighed, pausing, watching her move further up the path. I don’t like this. I don’t like this plan of Delphine’s. I feel like I’m handing you over to the Thalmor and the thought freezes my blood.

“You are upset.” Inigo said softly. “You are worried about the dragon?”

“No.” I responded, keeping my voice low, knowing Silka would pick up on it otherwise.

“The Thalmor.” Inigo supplied. “Me too.” He admitted. “She is in such danger. I do not like it.” His ears flattened. “I do not like Delphine.” He growled.

I clapped his shoulder. “On that we’re in agreement.” I told him, feeling my gaze track back to Silka.

“What is it that has you the most worried about our friend?”

I sighed. “She has had a bad run in with the Thalmor before. She hasn’t even told me all of what happened.” Not that I asked. I should have asked. Would she have wanted to talk about it? 

A gruff cry of pain startled us and Silka and Vilkas immediately ran forward, drawing weapons.

“Trolls!” Vilkas called.

Inigo drew his bow, nocking an arrow. “You run ahead; I will watch out for Lucien.” He offered, even as the Imperial dropped back.

“We’ll watch for others.” Lucien said, his face less drawn than it would have been the month previous. He is getting better. It is good to see.

“Fus Ro Dah!” I heard the Shout and ran forward in time to see two frost trolls finish careening off the side of the mountain, Silka crouching quickly by a hunter with a twisted leg, white-gold light surrounding her.

“That will have attracted the dragon’s attention.” She said. “Once you can. Take cover.” She ordered, rising, looking at Vilkas and giving him a nod. “Shall we?”

He nodded slightly and the Dragonborn glanced back at me, a slight look of relief flickering across her features. What’s wrong?

Moving swiftly forward, I waved for Inigo and Lucien to move closer, following Silka and Vilkas quickly up the mountain.

What was that look for? A familiar roar broke my concentration and I glanced up to see a dragon taking flight, circling above our heads, seeming to be deciding on a target.

“We’re too spread out!” Vilkas shouted. “Get the rest of the way up!”

I waved Inigo and Lucien ahead of me, moving to Silka’s side, watching her tracking the dragon with her gaze. “You’re planning to draw its attention, aren’t you?” I hissed.

She gave me a coy look. “Would I do that?”

The dragon roared again, and she snapped her attention back to it as I readied my bow, watching it move toward Vilkas, Inigo and Lucien.

Trying to catch my breath as she leaned back, I shook my head when she Shouted. “Fus Ro Dah!”

The shout staggered the dragon some and I breathed out a sigh of relief when it chose to land heavily at the top of the peak. Dashing after it, Silka at my side, I felt a sudden surge of pleasure. Why is it that hunting dragons with you feels so right? 

Reaching the peak, we scattered as the dragon breathed ice at us, Silka facing it head on, calling a magical ward in front of her. My sudden surge of fear settling as she proved to be unscathed from the assault.

“Fus Ro Dah!” She Shouted again and I dashed in with Vilkas to hammer blows to its left wing as Inigo and Lucien concentrated on its right with fire and arrows.

It snapped at us, and we moved back, splitting apart as it tried to charge after us, Silka darting in to drive her new pick into its face, following it up with her axe, two of Inigo’s arrows peppering rapidly into its neck when it reared back in pain.

Darting in again I dropped my full weight behind a blow to its head, watching it spasm, looking down at Silka, catching her gaze as it died. How can I let you go through with this? How can I let you walk into a Thalmor den?

She kneeled, the soul sinking into her body, and I wiped my blade clean, sheathing it as Vilkas marveled at the dragon. Looking up I spotted the word wall and offered Silka my hand. “Word Wall.” I murmured, jerking my head toward it.

“Thank you.” She responded, lifting herself up to give me a soft kiss.

Resting my hand on the side of her face, I scanned her expression quickly for indications of pain. “Let’s go see what it is.” I suggested after a long moment.

She nodded slightly and reached up to grasp my hand, twining her fingers with mine as we walked over to the wall, staggering slightly as she gained the word. “Hmm.” She considered it and a small smile played about her lips. “I’ve experienced this shout first hand.” She murmured.

“Oh?”

“King Olaf. He used the full shout to disarm me. Lost me my old bow.” Shaking her head, she looked at the others, Vilkas in deep conversation with Lucien and Inigo, talking about dragons we’d fought based on the gestures. “Did you want to check your sword against any of the words here?” She asked.

“We can go over the book more tonight.” I suggested. “This peak is cold.”

She laughed. “Fair enough. Let’s get moving then.”

“What was that look for?” I asked, thinking over the fight and the moments preceding it.

“What look?” She asked, tilting her head slightly.

“When I caught up to you after you Shouted at the trolls.”

She flushed slightly. “It’s. I like knowing that you’re behind me. I was…”

“Looking for me to be there.” I finished for her, shaking my head. I will always be there. If you let me. I frowned, remembering the upcoming job. “Silka.” I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. “I don’t want you doing the Thalmor job.”

“Kaidan.” She said softly, resting her hand on the side of my face, meeting my eyes when I opened them again. “What choice do we have?”

“I don’t know.” I admitted, resting my forehead against hers when someone cleared his throat and we glanced to see Vilkas approaching.

“I’m grabbing two of the teeth.” The werewolf said cheerfully, his eyes bright, as he moved closer. “I’ll bring one to the Jarl of Morthal and collect the pay. Do you need any of your share for this trip or do you want to collect it when you return to Whiterun?”

“We should be fine.” Silka responded softly, squeezing my hand lightly before moving toward Lucien and Inigo.

“What is it about the Thalmor plan that has you so nervous?” Vilkas asked.

“I don’t like her walking into a Thalmor den.” I grumbled. “I know what will happen if she’s caught.”

Vilkas nodded, his expression pained. “I understand that.” He murmured then sighed, shaking his head. “Find a job or something to do around Solitude while she’s doing her thing. Keep your mind busy.”

“Aye.” I agreed. “That’s a good idea.”

He clapped his hand on my shoulder. “Haven’t known you long Kaidan but…” He glanced at Silka. “You seem to be a good man. Just do your best to keep her safe.”

“That’s all I can do.” I murmured, watching him walk over to Silka and wrap her into a one-armed hug, whispering something to her that made her swat at him as he dodged away with a laugh.

“Is it just me or was that dragon weaker than the one by Kynesgrove?” Lucien asked as we headed down the mountain.

“It was.” Silka agreed. “And not just because we had Vilkas here over Delphine.”

“Ugh. Her. Why does she seem so intent on putting you in danger?” He asked waspishly and I felt an eyebrow raise at sharing sentiments with the scholar.

We are getting to know each other better. Working together. It ’s… odd having others around that I am starting to trust.

“Who knows.” Inigo grumbled.

Silka laughed. “Somehow I don’t think she’d care what we think of her.” Sobering she turned to survey us, her eyes concerned. “I’ll show you three what my disguise looks like tonight. Just in case you need to know me through it.”

Finding a likely spot for a camp Inigo and Lucien started clearing space for our bedding while I determined where I wanted to set up the fire.

Silka put her pack down and started rummaging through it. “So, I just have to put these earrings in.” She started, pulling them out and attaching them to her ears.

Her form shivered, she lost about an inch of height by my reckoning, her freckles and scars vanishing, hair darkening and ears gaining a slight point.

“You look like a Breton.” Lucien said, studying her with furrowed brows.

“I would hope so.” She laughed, looking over at me.

I scowled. “No. It’s not you.” I grumbled.

She shook her head. “That is the idea, Kai.”

Frowning, I turned my attention to clearing the chosen spot for the fire. “Well, it’s a solid disguise.” I admitted. Let’s just hope the Thalmor can’t see through it.

“Glad to hear you think so.” She responded, rising, and walking over to me, taking her earrings out along the way. “I’m going to leave my pick and bow with you. I’ll give my knives and axe to Delphine’s contact. He should be able to get them in and they’re more suited to this work. Easier to hide, especially since he’ll be bringing my armor in as well.”

Leaning down I kissed the top of her head. “I like you like this.” I murmured, trying to ignore the spike of worry over her gear plan.

“I’m glad to hear it.” She responded, looking up at me.

“So, what do you think the embassy is going to be like?” Lucien asked, looking over at us.

“Mm. That’s a hard question to answer.” She responded, sitting down, and propping her head on her hand. “I’ll give you a full report when I get out.” She promised.

I can ’t shake the feeling that something is going to go wrong. I don’t want you doing this.

Solitude

“So, Kaidan.” Lucien started as we watched the slender ‘Breton’ woman approach the Bosmer in the corner. “Did you figure out a job we can do around here?”

“Ah, yes actually.” I responded. “Do you remember that man who was petitioning the court about the cave when we were last here?”

“Yes.”

“Seems they haven’t had a chance to send anyone that way yet. I sent word to the Steward asking if he minded if we take care of it. Should get word back any moment.” I tried to focus on the Imperial as the ‘Breton’ woman and the Bosmer walked casually toward the door, chatting about wine. Blue whined at me, and I shushed her quietly. I don’t like this.

Moments later the tavern wench I’d paid to talk to the steward approached me with a letter. “Here’s the documentation. Falk told me to ask you to send one of your party to report to him in person when it was taken care of.”

“Easy enough. Thank you.” I murmured, passing her a few more coins, passing the letter to Inigo absentmindedly. “Let’s get going then.” I suggested, moving toward the door, Meeko and Blue at my side.

Inigo sighed and got up, tucking the letter into his armor. “I was hoping for an easy night.” He complained.

“You can stay here if you wish.” I informed him, feeling anger flash. How can you sit still while Silka is…? I shook my head as they gathered their packs.

“No, no. We’re coming.” Lucien said quickly, moving to catch up to me. “We’re coming.”

“I thought Falk said there were only going to be bandits here.” Lucien hissed, staring over the subterranean ruin, his face pale.

“He was misinformed.” I muttered, scanning the ruins for signs of life other than light at the top of the tallest tower.

“Some sort of ritual.” Inigo hissed, his tail lashing in agitation. “I do not like this.”

“Me neither.” Lucien agreed, frowning when Meeko let out a low growl and I spun, bow ready to fire at an approaching Draugr.

“No help for it now.” I muttered. “Watch out for traps.”

Moving down, Inigo took point, often darting ahead around corners to scout out traps and enemy numbers. The sheer number of enemies was concerning. Did Falk realize there were this many Draugr and Necromancers down here? The cave was bad enough for mages. This is worse.

A Shout echoed and Inigo came flying backward down a flight of stairs, hitting the ground hard, rolling to a stop next to Meeko. “Ouch! Now I know how Silka’s enemies feel.” He complained, accepting Lucien’s hand up as the well armored Draugr came to the top of the stairs, yelling at us in a guttural ancient language. With a grunt I loosed an arrow at him, catching him in the eye, following it up with another arrow when that didn’t drop him, an arrow from Inigo aiding in felling the creature.

“Are you alright?” I asked, looking over at the Khajiit.

He nodded shortly. “I am alright. Thank you. But the mages surely know we are here now.”

“We need to interrupt that ritual.” Lucien murmured, gesturing up toward the steadily brightening light.

“Let’s go.” I agreed, running up the stairs. I hope you’re having an easier time of things Silka. Remember what you promised me. You have to come back to me.

Four mages and two Draugr later and we found ourselves at the top of the tower. Four mages here, two refusing to move away from their positions, two charging us, hands raised. I dropped one with my bow, Inigo the other as Lucien ran toward the two maintaining the ritual with a loud cry, fire streaming from one hand, ice from the other. One pulled away, pulling up a magical shield, drawing his focus. Inigo fired at the other then ran forward with me, swords drawn.

Cutting them down we all staggered as the ritual imploded on itself, shrieks of whatever we’d interrupted echoing in our ears.

“It occurs to me that maybe we should have tried to sneak close enough to figure out what ritual they were performing.” Lucien commented, flipping through notes and books. “Oh.”

“What is it?” Inigo asked as I moved around the tower top, missing Silka acutely.

“Oh, nothing major. Just trying to resurrect Potema.” The scholar responded; his voice oddly high as he stuffed the books in his bag. “We need to show this to the court wizard.”

Inigo sighed. “Never simple with mages.” He murmured, opening a chest.

I moved away, staring over the edge, worrying over Silka.

She should be done by now, right? This has taken us several hours and it could take another hour to get clear. She ’ll be heading back to Solitude already… right?

“A NEW HAND TOUCHES THE BEACON.”

Crying out in pain I clasped my hands over my ears and turned, eyes streaming to find Inigo holding a decent sized white orb in his hands, his eyes wide.

“LISTEN. HEAR ME AND OBEY. A FOUL DARKNESS HAS SEEPED INTO MY TEMPLE. A DARKNESS THAT YOU WILL DESTROY. RETURN MY BEACON TO MOUNT KILKREATH. AND I WILL MAKE YOU THE INSTRUMENT OF MY CLEANSING LIGHT.”

Rubbing at my ears I stared at the Khajiit. “What just happened?”

“Inigo just found Meridia’s beacon I think.” Lucien announced, rubbing his own ears. “How are your ears Inigo? That was… quite loud.”

Inigo grumbled something I couldn’t hear, and I looked swiftly for the dogs, finding them cowering near the stairs. Crouching I held out a hand toward them. When they didn’t move, I fished into my pouch for a bit of meat, coaxing them to me, stroking their ears when they reached me.

“I hope that does not happen every time I touch this.” Inigo grumbled.

“A pity Silka wasn’t here to hear that. I’m sure she would have had comments.” Lucien responded, watching Inigo tuck the innocuous seeming orb into his pack.

I nodded slightly. “I suppose. As Daedric Princes go, there are worse artifacts to touch.” I murmured.

Lucien gave me an odd look. “Do you speak from experience?” He asked.

I scowled. “I know more about Daedra than I’d like.” I admitted. “But I have no plans to tell you of it. You’d have nightmares for months.” I still have nightmares.

“I wonder if Silka’s dealt with any Daedric Princes or their followers.” Lucien mused.

I shook my head. “Speaking of Silka; she should be done by now. Let’s get back to the surface.”

“Agreed.” Inigo said, pushing a handful of lockpicks into his waist pouch.

Thankfully, as with other ruins we found a shortcut and were soon breathing in the cold night air.

“So, what do you plan to do with the beacon?” Lucien asked, grinning over at Inigo.

I studied the sky, wishing I could navigate by the stars, eyes wandering over the aurora when Blue and Meeko tilted their heads slightly. Reaching for my blade I froze when I heard a horn sounding faintly over the breeze.

Silka. Turning, I listened hard, fear constricting my chest. The call sounded again, and I started running, barely hearing the others moving to run with me.

The cold air bit into my lungs, freezing my breath, slowing my run. Grimacing I pulled my face mask free, securing it, hating the delay.

The next horn blast was louder, easier to hear, and I felt slight reassurance from it. If she’s still able to sound it then she’s still alright.

A cracking of tree limbs startled us, hands going to weapons as two men spilled out of the trees, startling on seeing us, leaning against each other.

My mouth dried as I recognized one as the Bosmer from the Winking Skeever. “Malborn.” I growled. “Where is she?”

“I don’t know who…” He started, then nodded. “You’re not Thalmor. She ran North. Told us to wait in the cave until she’d drawn them off then run to Stormcloak territory.”

Inigo stepped toward them, offering the Nord a cloak and a shirt. “You can wear the shirt or wrap it around your feet.” He offered and I glanced to see that the man had at least one layer of rags around his feet already. A prisoner then. 

“Dragon’s Bridge should be safe enough to rest.” Lucien suggested, cutting off as the echoes of one of Silka’s Shouts carried toward us through the trees.

I started running again, refreshed from the short breather, adrenaline overtaking the worry, spurring me on.

“Malborn mentioned a cave.” Lucien called. “Maybe the hounds can grab the scent.”

“Good idea.” Inigo praised as fear momentarily froze my lungs when the next horn blast was cut short.

Hold on. Hold on. I’m coming. I felt a tear track down my cheek, blinking the rest away hard so they couldn’t cloud my vision. You better be safe. You promised. You promised you’d come back to me.

Pausing near a cave entrance several moments later, I crouched, making out the footprints around it in the silvery moonlight. This must be the one. We’re going the right way at least. It worries me that we’ve heard neither horn nor Shout in some time. Finding the prints moving North before I could the hounds darted ahead of me, noses close to the ground.

“I haven’t heard any new calls.” Lucien murmured, tossing back a stamina potion, handing me one.

“Let us hope that means the danger is gone.” Inigo responded, giving me a worried look as he drank his own.

I didn’t respond, following the hounds as I downed my own potion. Why didn’t you go with the others? Why would you choose to draw them off? Why would you put yourself in so much danger?

Blue yipped, darting to the left and I veered to follow, Meeko adding his deep bay. This clearing butted up to a cliff face, sheltered from the wind, a well-hidden campfire still burning. The slight flare of hope died immediately on seeing the bodies of Thalmor on the ground. Resting my hand on my sword hilt I stepped completely into the clearing, looking around. Three dead and… I slowly approached the campfire, crouching down to pick up two pieces of the War Horn, noting the blood on the side, feeling my heart thudding painfully in my ears as the memory of the instructions I’d given her with the horn filled my mind. “Use it if we ever get separated. I’ll hear it, and I’ll be able to find you.”

“No.” I whispered, dropping to my knees on the cold ground, staring down at the horn. “No.” Rage surged through me, and I staggered to my feet. I Knew something was going to go wrong. I Fucking knew it. And now. I glanced down at the horn. Now…

Blue whined as she dragged a familiar pack over to me and I closed my eyes, bowing my head in grief as Lucien moved over to it.

“Oh.” Lucien said softly. “Oh.”

“What is it?” Inigo asked, his voice thick with worry.

“She left us letters.”

I felt my head snap up, watching the Imperial stand up from the pack, holding a small bundle of papers. He passed one to me and one to Inigo, opening the other. I looked down. Perhaps she has an idea of where they might take her. So I do not waste more time.  

Kaidan:

I left your letter for last. I would not have gotten to the others otherwise. I ’ve hidden the dossiers from the Embassy in a bramble bush near the edge of the clearing. Meeko or Blue should be able to find it. If you’re reading this, they already found one cache. I asked Inigo and Lucien to bring the information on Delphine, the dragons and Esbern to Riverwood. Keep the rest. You can decide what to do with them later.

I know better than to ask you to go with them. I expect that if they capture me, they will bring me to Northwatch as I have shown how weak their embassy security is. 

I ’m sorry. I promised I’d come back to you, but I can hear the searchers getting closer. I’ve taken off my disguise. They know that face. Perhaps with my own I’ll get lucky. But if not, then at least they’ll be less likely to tie me to the embassy job. I have your horn; I have my Shouts and I have my weapons. I will make my stand here.

Kai. If I fail. Know that traveling with you has been the best thing that ’s ever happened to me. I wouldn’t trade my time with you for anything.

Please forgive me.

       Yours always:

                 Silka

Pain clouded my vision and I felt myself sway, taking several deep breaths to clear my head, crushing the letter to my side. No. No. This is not goodbye. This will not be goodbye. I will find you. I will find you; I swear it.

“Inigo.” I growled. “Do you know where Northwatch is from here?”

The Khajiit looked up at me from his own letter, his face streaked with tears. “Yes.” He said thickly. “I will mark it on her map. Tell her. When you find her. Tell her that we did as she asked.”

“Good.” I responded, hearing the pain echoing in my voice.

Lucien pulled Silka’s map off her pack and handed it to Inigo. “We’ll see you in Whiterun.” He said, giving me a decisive nod, dashing tears from his cheeks. “You, Silka and the hounds.”

I clasped his shoulder. “Agreed.” I promised, accepting the map and a stamina potion from Inigo, looking down, orienting myself, whistling for the hounds as I moved away.

Chapter Text

Chapter 27: The Embassy Job and Aftermath

Silka: Thalmor Embassy

Walking toward the embassy, I tried to quell the nerves in my stomach. It’s going to be fine. It will be fine. You’ll be out before you know it. Automatically my hand reached up for Kai’s amulet and I frowned when I remembered it was with Malborn. I promised him I’d be fine. I’ll be fine.

Crunching snow behind me startled me and I whirled, relaxing when the well-dressed Redguard man smiled at me. “You’re late too I see.” He sighed. “The only good thing about Elenwen’s soirées is the alcohol and last time I got cut off. Let’s hope they don’t remember.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. Perhaps I could help you out if they have.” I offered, smiling broadly enough to crinkle my nose.

“That’d be mighty kind of you.” He nodded toward the guard. “Let’s not keep them waiting too long. They get antsy you understand.”

“Good to know.” I responded, giving him another wide smile. “Shall we go in together?”

“I don’t see why not.” He agreed, offering me his arm.

Accepting it I walked with him toward the guard who held up his hand. “Invitations please.” He ordered.

Heart thudding in my chest I passed over the invitation from Delphine. He glanced it over, looking bored, passing it back after a long moment before checking the Redguard’s invite.

“So suspicious.” He grumbled. “As if I haven’t been here before.”

The guard glared at him. “Go right on in Sir.” He growled, turning a slightly lighter gaze on me. “You’re good to go miss.”

“Thank you.” I responded, keeping my tone demure. Be Sabiri Sylone. I can do this. Walking with the Redguard into the building I felt my heart stutter as the statuesque woman approached us. The Redguard patting my hand and releasing me to pass his cloak to a servant, meandering deeper inside.

“How interesting.” The woman said, looking me over. “I do not recall your face. You are a newcomer. How delightful.” She greeted.

Quieting my heartbeat with a thought I gave her as winsome a smile as I could manage, curtseying as well, certain I knew who I faced. “You must be Ambassador Elenwen.” I greeted, keeping my tone enthusiastic but not so much as to arouse suspicion. “It is a pleasure to meet you. I am Sabiri Sylone.”

“Ah yes. I remember your name from the guest list. Please, tell me more about yourself. What brings you to this… to Skyrim?”

“The college of Winterhold.” I lied easily. “My escort thought it would be best if we came through Solitude first.”

“How fascinating. Well…” She sighed when a clatter of silverware startled us both. “Excuse me. We shall speak more later.”

“I look forward to it ambassador.”

A snort, quickly muffled, drew my attention and I glanced to see Malborn busily scrubbing at a countertop. Trying not to roll my eyes I walked softly over to him. “Do you have any ideas for a diversion yet?” He whispered, organizing some drinks on the tray in front of him.

“Maybe. What are the chances that the Redguard merchant will get cut off?” I leaned against the counter, making it look like I was studying the offerings of food on the next tray. “At least, I assume he’s a merchant, based on his dress.”

“Blue clothes? Cheerful manner?” Malborn asked.

“That’s the one.”

He shrugged. “He’s already been cut off. He has a habit of… entertaining the guests with bitter words about the Dominions interests in Hammerfell. He’s too important for them to disappear yet…” He sighed. “It’s only a matter of time.”

“Alright. Do you have Colovian Brandy?”

“Of course.” He responded, handing me the drink. “Enjoy.”

With a half nod I moved back among the party goers, noting that Proventus and Jarl Ravencrone were both in attendance. If I didn’t have a mission, I’d be keen to mingle, figure out who’s here for safety, and who’s here for status. Keeping an easy smile on my face as I spotted the Redguard merchant, I moved to his side. “You know Sir, I never got your name.”

He smiled, leaning back on the bench. “Razelan my good lady. What can I do for you?”

“I’ve heard you like expounding on the virtues of the Dominion. Care to share?” I asked.

“It’s a thought. Can’t do these things sober you know. Bit too suspicious if you catch my drift.”

Holding the beverage out toward him I caught the flicker of amusement in his eyes. “Liquid courage?”

He laughed, accepting the drink from me, and rising. “Whatever it is you’re doing.” He lowered his voice. “I wish you the best of luck.”

Watching him move to the center of the room, downing the drink as he walked, I took a deep breath, moving back toward Malborn. Thank you.

Perusing the food offerings again I took a sliver of cheese and bread, nibbling at them when I heard a loud sigh, glancing toward the door to see a guard staring toward the center of the room. “Who got him drunk again?” He complained, gesturing for the other guards to join him.

“Come on.” Malborn hissed.

Nodding I slipped behind the counter and joined him, stepping into the kitchen, staying by him as we walked, holding a hand to my stomach as he was halted by the cook, playing the part of ill guest, keeping my eyes lowered as they traded words. She doesn’t sound happy.

Finally, Malborn stopped in a small storeroom, ushering me inside, closing the door tightly. “Alright. I need to get back before I’m missed. You’re on your own.” He whispered.

“Watch the Khajiit.” I responded. “I don’t think she’s on your side.” I added as I dressed swiftly, breathing a sigh of relief to feel the leather hugging my body. Kai might wish I wore something heavier, but Shor knows it’s easier to move in this. Tucking Kai’s amulet around my neck I grasped it in my hand for a long moment, taking comfort from its presence. Time for the hard part.

Resettling my pack and checking the location of my throwing knives, war horn and axe I crept through the next door, cognizant of my breathing. Casting a chameleon spell, I felt it settle over me, easing my presence. Let’s just hope there are no werewolves around. I’m not sure exactly what Lorse has worked out with them. Two guards playing cards were muttering to themselves and I studied them for a long moment, almost moving when a rustle of cloth warned me and a robed Thalmor came around the corner.

“What do you think you’re doing?” He asked, glowering at the card players.

“It’s dead. One of Elenwen’s parties. You really think someone would try to break in? Security out front is too strong for that.”

“And I’ll be sure to inform the Ambassador of your opinion if something should happen.”

With a heavy sigh they dropped their cards and rose. I watched, nerves humming in my ears as my legs protested my position. No other patrols coming through here. Cross to the door as soon as they leave.

Moving swiftly along I pushed the door open as silently as I could, frowning at the rush of cold air hitting my face. One spot down. Just need to get across the courtyard without being seen. More out here. Recasting my chameleon spell I moved from shadow to shadow, focusing on keeping to the most heavily packed snow, hoping I wouldn’t break through the crust. Reaching the target building I breathed a sigh of relief as I entered, biting my lip when I spotted the soldier on the stairs directly across from me. Fuck. No chance she didn’t see the door move. Feeling for a knife as she moved forward, I threw it, watching her crumple with a blessedly soft thump. Something to be said for Elenwen’s insistence on luxury. Carpets and rugs everywhere.

Creeping along the wall I froze, pressing against it as I heard voices from the nearest office.

“How do I know you’ll pay me?” A man asked, whining through his words. “I already brought you Etienne. Surely he’s talked by now. You’re famous for your abilities to get answers. And he told me he knew of an old man in the Ratway. Surely you’ve gotten the details by now!”

Etienne? He can ’t mean Thieves Guild Etienne. What would they want him for? He’s just a thief!

“You’ll get your pay when we can verify his information is correct.” A cultured voice responded, his tone screaming impatience.

Probably best if I kill these two. I can’t see a good way past the office. And it would give me a chance to recover my knives. Inching my way closer I glanced around the corner, memorizing the layout, blessing my time doing jobs for the Guild. The Thalmor stood next to a desk, his informant in front of it, their conversation getting more heated as I calculated my next move.

Moving into the doorway I let my knife loose into the informant, drawing and loosing my third as the Thalmor readied a spell, following it with my final knife when he staggered but didn’t fall.

That’s a relief. Rising I moved over to the bodies and recovered my knives, searching through the desk, not finding anything like what Delphine had described. Pulling a key from the Thalmor’s pocket I moved back into the main room, dashing over to the soldier I’d dropped, grabbing that knife. Why so little security in this building? It’s making me nervous.

A desk in the corner caught my attention and I darted that way, searching through papers, letting out a relieved sigh when I found a chest.

Dossiers. Delphine, not surprising and Ulfric Stormcloak. Not surprising but unexpected. Wait. Viarmo? He’s going to want to see this. And papers. Dragon Investigation. Alright. This is what I need. Looking at the door I leaned against the desk for a moment. Do I go back that way and climb the fence? Or… I glanced at the nearest door. I can see if that leads to their prisons. If it’s Etienne. The one I know… I considered the thief in my memory. The soft spoken but cheerful man whom everyone mistook for a Nord for his coloring but who insisted he was a Breton. “It’s in the name!”

Damn it. Kaidan would understand. He ’d agree that I can’t leave him here. And I’d never forgive myself for leaving someone in Thalmor hands.

Gripping the key I’d taken from the Justiciar’s body I tried it on the door, pushing it open as quietly as I could, hearing a cry of pain from below as I carefully closed it.

Moving down the stairs I readied a knife, the whimpers of pain and the soft laugh from the Thalmor covering any of my sounds. Fucking bastards.

The desk I passed was clear, the only visible Thalmor the woman taunting the chained prisoner with her mace. Moving as swiftly as I dared, I positioned myself behind her and flung my knife into the space between helmet and breastplate, watching her crumple, waiting for a heartbeat before moving forward.

“Shor’s Bones. Etienne.” I whispered, pouring a healing spell into the emaciated thief, watching it revive him.

“Who are you?” He gasped. “I’ve told you everything I know. Please, just leave me be.”

“Do I look like a Thalmor, Etienne?” I asked, searching the guard for a key, testing it on his bonds, relieved when it worked.

“Do I know you?”

I nodded. “You’ll see.” I tapped one of the earrings. “Just. Stick close to me, would you? I need to check the desk and then we can find a way out of here.”

“Did Mercer send you?”

I snorted. “Do you think Mercer cares what happens to his thieves?” I responded, searching the desk, and turning to a chest. What is it with them and storing paperwork in chests? Sorting through the dossiers I added them to my pack one by one. Esbern. Wonder if that’s the old man the informant mentioned. Well, if the Thalmor want him, best get there first. Akaviri. Huh. I thought we took care of the man looking into them. I should show this to Kaidan though. And… I shook my head. Silka. Somehow, I’m not surprised. Not with Lorse. I do wonder why it was at the Embassy though. The door slamming above us quickened my pace and I settled my pack on my shoulders swiftly.  

“Listen up, spy! You’re trapped in here and we have your accomplice. Surrender immediately or you both die.”

“Damnit.” I hissed; hearing Etienne come up next to me.

“What now?” He whispered.

I readied my throwing knives, not bothering to respond. As soon as they stepped down into view, I loosed one, pivoting slightly to catch the other then straightening. “That’s what.” I responded, moving quickly over to the dead soldiers, reclaiming my knives.

“You know your way around throwing knives. That reminds me of someone I knew once.” Etienne murmured.

“Think about it later. Do you know of a way out of here?” I asked.

He nodded, “Over here. I’ve seen them dumping bodies down here. Think I heard a troll last time, so we’ll have to be careful.”

“You coming with us?” I asked, turning to Malborn.

“I have no choice.” He muttered. “They’ll be hunting me forever now.”

Dropping into the cave, we crept forward, eying the troll that shuffled below us. “Alright. I’ll pepper it with my knives then draw its attention with my axe. Etienne, you grabbed a sword or something right?”

The thief snorted. “Of course I did.”

“Good.” Throwing my knives toward the troll I jumped down, relieved to see that two of the four had hit their mark. So, I can hit Thalmor without issue, but trolls are a problem? Snorting I dodged the blows from the enraged beast, ducking in with my axe, slashing and moving away when Etienne came up behind it and drove his stolen sword into its back.

With a nod I reclaimed my blades, moving swiftly to the cave entrance, frowning over the sounds coming from the embassy.

“Alright. You two stay here for a bit. Give them time to lose track of you. I’ll draw them off.” Reaching up to my ears I tugged my earrings free, tucking them into my pocket.

“Silka.” Etienne gasped. “That’s how you…”

I nodded. “That’s how I knew you. Now hush. Get to Stormcloak territory.”

“I suppose that makes sense.” Malborn grumbled. “Try not to die. It would make this whole thing worthless.”

My fire crackled merrily but I took no joy in it, scribbling a letter to Inigo as swiftly as I could, fear making my writing cramped.

Satisfied with it, I tucked it into the smallish pack I used for potions, resting it against the letter to Lucien. One left. I gripped the amulet, feeling it press into my palm as I lifted the blank sheet of paper. Gods. What do I even tell you? How can I write this? Taking steadying breaths I started, tossing two sheets of paper into the fire before I finally settled on something, spurred on by the sounds of shouting in the distance.

Stuffing the letters away I cast my chameleon spell before I put my pack with the dossier and the smaller pack with the letters in different bramble patches, carefully clearing all traces of my passage, sitting down by the fire, quill, and paper in hand when the Thalmor patrol burst into the clearing.

I didn’t have to fake the startle, spilling ink on my armor and the paper, scowling over it. “Can I help you?” I asked, nerves humming.

The Justiciar smiled. “You might not be who we were looking for. But you are someone we are looking for.”

So much for that idea. “Excuse me?” I asked, rising, trying to exude an aura of confusion.

He laughed as his soldiers fanned out, too many for my tastes. “Saw you fight a dragon in Solitude, Bard Silka. Been looking for a reason to take you in for questioning. That you just happen to be out here on a night the embassy was broken into? Mighty suspicious.”

I snorted. “You saw the paper.” I countered. “Solitude is too loud for thinking. I’m not the only artist who takes refuge out here.”

“Regardless.” He lifted his hands. “Surrender peacefully or we’ll arrest you by force.”

Shifting my weight slightly I dropped one hand to my axe, another to a throwing knife. “Fus Ro Dah!” I Shouted, throwing two soldiers back, one hitting a tree with a loud crack, loosing my knife into another, missing a fatal shot, but by the cry of pain, leaving a mark.

Casting stoneflesh before drawing my axe I felt a sudden flicker of sorrow overwhelm my fear. Kaidan. I’m sorry. Pulling the war horn free I danced backward, pressing it to my lips, sounding it loud and clear, lowering it I blocked a sword thrust from a soldier and flashed my axe out, cutting his throat, lifting the horn again, ducking away from another soldier, yelping when I caught a burst of shock magic.

Gods damnit. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Turning I Shouted again. “Fus Ro Dah!” The soldier I’d injured crumpled, and I twisted around, scanning for a way out. Too many left. Too many.

Lifting the horn I sounded it once more, breaking off with a cry of pain as the Justiciar’s sword flashed out and slashed along my cheek, catching the horn, cutting it in two as I dropped it.

Fuck that stung. Shor guide my axe. Darting in, lifting my hand to cast a ward I cried out as an arrow sank into my right shoulder, hindering my axe strike, costing me precious seconds without a ward that the Justiciar capitalized on, his paralysis spell dropping me to the snowy ground.

Northwatch

Cold water woke me, and I spluttered, panic waking me completely as I failed to draw a full breath. Doing my best to cough and breathe through a cloth, I thrashed, my arms and legs bound tightly to something hard. Prying my eyes open I found myself staring at a stone ceiling, a gag lodged in my mouth, a headache pounding behind my eyes. Suppressing cuffs. Fuck. On top of what they do I’m going to have this damn headache.

“You’ve finally woken up.” A cold voice stated, a Justiciar stepping into view. “I was worried I’d have to give you a shock.” He continued, letting sparks dance around his fingertips for a moment.

He moved closer. “Now. Your… abilities give me a conundrum. How to push you until you capitulate without risking your using your Shouts too early.” He mused.

Lovely, I got one who doesn’t shut up. My shoulder ached where the arrow had lodged, and I wondered if they planned to cure any of the injuries they planned to inflict.

“Cyrelian, thank the Gods, kept copious notes. And in them he noted your abilities as a healer. So, I was thinking that perhaps…” He smiled, gesturing toward his right. “It will work better if you get to oversee the sessions the other prisoners go through. I can imagine just how difficult it will be to watch, knowing you could heal them if only we let you.”

I glanced to my left and felt myself stiffen as I recognized the thin Nord man hanging from the wall, his body bruised with the marks of torture, red staining his gray-blond hair. Thorald. Oh Gods. Fralia was right. He’s alive.

“Vallanil claimed that you kept the company of the man suspected of killing Cyrelian. What are the chances he’ll come after you? Anyone who can survive Cyrelian’s tactics deserves a place in this keep.” He stepped forward, running a long finger down my cheek. “Yourself included. Dragonborn.”

Stepping back, he surveyed me. “Now we’ll see how well the suppressing cuffs work on your Shouts. You can’t properly answer questions with a gag in your mouth.”

Moving around the rack he leaned over me, resting his hands on either side of my head. “Don’t think I’m going to let you get the chance to hurt me though. Vallanil reported that your shouts are directional.” He pulled the gag free, tightening his grip on my head, keeping his face just out of sight. “Do try to Shout, would you? I am so curious as to how powerful you really are.”

Even if I can, and this headache suggests otherwise, why would I? Going ethereal would run out too soon. Neither Whirlwind sprint or the disarming Shout would help and while I wouldn ’t mind lighting you on fire it wouldn’t help me escape any more than bringing the keep down on my head with Unrelenting Force would.

“Nothing? Not even a hissed threat?” He sighed, releasing my head, and moving away. “I admit I’m disappointed Bard. I thought you’d be eager to show me your power.”

Grabbing Thorald’s head he yanked it back by his hair, hitting the man with a blast of frost magic to the face. “Wake up.” He snarled. “You’ve got company. I wouldn’t want you to disappoint her by sleeping through your session.”

“Oblivion take you Thalmor.” Thorald spat, his voice breathy.

“Feeling better today, are we? Unfortunate.”

I felt a whole-body flinch seize my muscles as he buried a bladed instrument into Thorald’s shoulder and dragged it down toward his chest, humming off key as the man screamed in pain. “Guess we’d best sever some tendons then. Some asset you’d be for Ulfric Stormcloak without the ability to wield weapons.”

Rage made my blood run hot as Thorald tightened his jaw, clenching it hard enough to make his veins stand out. “Fuck you.” He snarled; his voice breathless.

The Thalmor laughed, pulling the blade free and turning to me. “Does it bother you?” He asked, tapping the fresh cut, smiling when Thorald cried out in pain. “I know you could heal this in a heartbeat.”

Looking back at the man he sank the blade into his upper arm, dragging it toward his elbow, deep enough to inflict pain but not enough that he’d bleed out. “You should be pleased Gray-Mane. You have a higher purpose now.”

“The Fuck does that mean?” He managed.

“You get to help break the Dragonborn until she agrees to work for us.” He responded cheerfully, patting the man on the cheek as Thorald’s face paled.

“Not that that means no pain for the Dragonborn.” He continued, addressing me as he moved around the room. “Cyrelian mentioned that he broke your hands a few times then had you heal them. As I have no desire to let you even touch your magic I’ll just go for the wrist. You might need your hands later.”

Putting the bloody blade down on a table he lifted a mace, looking it over before looking at me. “You’re so delicate for a Nord. This might be too much.” He mused. “Perhaps the butt end of it.” Walking over to me he pushed my chin up with end of the weapon. “Remember. You can stop this at any time by agreeing to work for us.” Pulling back, he brought the butt end down on my wrist, just below the thin line of the suppressing cuff.

Agony flooded my system and I screamed, jerking against my bonds, panting for breath as that added to the pain in my wrist.

The Justiciar ran his fingers over the joint, smiling every time I flinched. “Hm. Maybe a little too far. Don’t want it getting infected.” Grabbing my elbow, he yanked hard, my vision swimming as the pain lanced through me. White-gold light surrounded him, lessening the pain, the distinct sound of bone grinding back into place putting my teeth on edge, increasing my nausea. “Little too hard that time. No matter. Mistakes are how we learn.”

Grabbing my chin, he smiled down at me. “Based on the distinct lack of Shouts, I’d say the suppressing cuffs are doing their job nicely. I’ll have to let your fiancé know.” Running his fingers down my uninjured arm he tapped the wrist. “Bruising perhaps.  I’ll need one of my more delicate instruments for that.” He frowned. “Or perhaps…” He called a flame spell to his hand. “This will do. Tell me Bard. What do you know about the break-in at the Embassy?”

“That your security is lax?” I asked, bracing for the pain I knew was coming, spasming, tightening my jaw as he touched flame to my wrist, the scent of burning flesh filling the room, my skin blistering from the heat.

“Try again.”

“How would I know anything about it?” I protested, feeling light headed.

“You were nearby.” He responded calmly, moving a thin trail of flames up my left arm.

“I was working on music.” I gasped, trying not to clench my fists, tears blinding my vision.  

“Without a lute?”

“It was too cold for my lute.” I ground out, almost wishing that I had brought one anyway. Might have helped my story.

“You’re rather candid. I admit I’m disappointed.” He said quietly, letting the flames die and gripping my chin. “I feel like you’re hiding something from me.” He smiled. “Like information about your companion, the man whose sword Cyrelian was so fascinated by.”

That’s information you will never get from me you Son of a Bitch. Swallowing hard I struggled to keep my face clear of emotion as he looked my arm over.

“I’ll let you sit with these burns for the rest of the day. Give you something to remember this session by.” He shrugged, not moving his hand. “Most days that would just be the beginning. But let’s ease you into it a little bit, shall we?”

Smirking, he cast a spark spell as he held my chin, his gaze unwavering as I jerked with the pain.

Releasing me, he patted my cheek. “Try to get some rest Dragonborn. We’ll speak again in a few hours.” He murmured, stepping away then turning toward the wall. “I’d think long and hard about giving us the answers we asked for Thorald. You wouldn’t really want to help us turn the Dragonborn against Skyrim, would you?”

Whistling off key he walked away, the door closing behind him with a solid thump. “Feim.” I whispered, feeling tears prick my eyes as it didn’t work, the headache pounding harder.

“Silka.” Thorald croaked. “Is it true?”

I turned my head. “I’m sorry.” I responded, searching his face.

“Our hope is gone then.” He choked out, tears streaming down his cheeks.

I shook my head slightly, thinking of Kaidan. Not if he can help it. Divines, it almost seems wrong to believe he’ll put himself in danger to find me. But... I bit my lip hard, my head spinning with guilt and pain. I can’t help it.  

“Not yet.” I managed. “Aela and Skjor said your mother believes you’re alive. If they just talk to each other…” I coughed, pain lancing through my head. “If they just talk to each other then…”

“Yes. Yes. Hope. Must. Must have hope.” His head dropped and I looked away, studying the ceiling.

Hope. I closed my eyes, tears trickling into my hair. Kaidan. I broke my promise. I’m so sorry.

Chapter Text

Chapter 28: Rescue

Kaidan: Wilderness

Silka stood, back to me, no movement but her sleeves fluttering in the breeze before suddenly she planted one foot on the stone ground and spun around, haunting lute music caressing the air as she danced, hair floating around her with every spin.

I tried to move forward. “Silka!”

She paused, turning toward me, and smiling, reaching a hand out, beckoning to me.

Trying to move again I managed one step forward and then another until I could move freely, glancing back to see what had hindered me, seeing nothing.

Turning back, I felt a small smile when she spun again, reaching toward me, laughing, dancing away when I reached back.

She turned and slipped into trees, and I felt my brow furrow as I darted after her. “Silka!”

Her laugh floated out of the trees as I entered them, branches tearing at my armor. “Silka!”

Moving into another clearing I stopped dead. A slender Breton stood in the middle; arms crossed over her chest.

“I did not plan well.” She gave me a sad smile, lifting her hand to pull earrings out, shimmering into Silka.

“Silka.” I murmured.

She looked down at the grass and I felt fear seize my breath, when as she looked up, blood dripped from her old scars. Reaching a hand up slowly she brushed her fingertips against her cheek. “I’m sorry.” She said softly, giving me a ghost of her familiar smile. “I’m sorry. I promised I’d come back to you.”

Struggling against whatever held me still, I threw myself toward her, sinking to my knees when I failed and she faded away, a last whisper on the breeze. “Please forgive me.”

Jerking awake I reached frantically for Silka, coming fully awake when I found nothing, memories flooding me. My fire was growing cold, and I stared at it for a long moment, struggling with the emotions from the dream. Looking up, I studied the sky, shoving my emotions into the farthest corners of my mind. I might not be able to navigate by the stars, but I can tell when it’s getting closer to dawn. It’s time to go.

Packing the camp up silently I checked the hounds’ paws, rubbing Blue’s ears for a moment before kicking snow over the fire, ensuring it was out.

“This is the route the missing patrols took, isn’t it?” A nervous voice asked, and I tried not to smile.

“Why do you think we’re out here?” A colder voice responded, and I hazarded a glance around the tree to note the location of the speaker. Four soldiers today and a Justicar. They’re starting to get nervous. I won’t be able to do this much longer before they do send for reinforcements.

“Paw prints.” Another soldier said. “Wolves do you think?”

“The wolves here have been getting bolder since the dragons started coming back.” The first soldier agreed.

“Then why would there be two patrols gone?” A third asked, sounding bored.

A deep, cold growl interrupted them and startled me. That sounded like… A werewolf. Gods don’t let it be Daggvar.

“What was that?” The first soldier asked, fear echoing in his voice.

Best time to hit them. Can’t let them run. Have to hope the werewolf is friendly. Drawing my sword, I charged out of the trees, moving past the first two soldiers to cut the Justicar down, dashing to the side to put the trees at my back as they reacted with shouts and spun to face me.

The growl came again and before I could move forward a russet furred werewolf had one of the soldiers in its jaws, the slender frame one that couldn’t belong to Daggvar or Sarlfi and I breathed a sigh of relief as I joined the fray.

Seconds later the werewolf stood in front of me, form shivering until the Companion Aela took its place. She took a deep breath, fishing a cloth out of her armor to wipe the blood away from her face. “What happened?” She asked as Blue darted out of the trees, wagging her tail and Meeko followed more slowly.

“I don’t know yet.” I admitted. “Other than something went wrong during the Thalmor job.”

She shook her head. “Any sign of Daggvar?” She asked, waving for me to follow her.

“Not yet.”

“Good. You can bet they sent word to him if they have any knowledge of the treaty.”

“I figured.” I muttered.

“What happened to your companions?”

“Silka managed to get some information out as well as a couple of letters. She asked them to bring the information to the appropriate people.”

“She would. She didn’t ask you to accompany them?” She asked as we reached a small clearing where the Companion Skjor was speaking in low tones with a gray-blond Nord while two other Nords sharpened weapons and checked arrows.

“She did not.”

“Would you have listened if she had?” She challenged.

“No.”

Skjor frowned as he caught sight of us. “Kaidan.” He looked past me, taking in the hounds and my blood-spattered armor and closed his eyes. “How long?”

“Six days.” I responded, hearing the pain in my voice.

“Damnit.” He clapped the gray-blond Nord on the shoulder. “This here is Avulstein. He’s lost someone to them as well. You can thank him for starting us on this path. What have you been doing for six days?”

“Ambushing patrols. Whittling down their numbers.” Getting here in the first place.

He smiled, a feral grin that had Meeko pressing against me. If I had any doubts about your being a werewolf, they’re gone.

“Excellent. How many patrols?”

“Three in as many days. Aela helped me finish off the third.” I considered it. “Eleven. Today their patrol had an extra soldier and a Justicar. So, it was a good thing that Aela found me when she did.”

“If they sent a Justiciar out then they’re getting nervous.” Aela said. “The perfect time to strike.”

“It will also prevent them from going for reinforcements.” Avulstein pointed out.

“Well then.” Skjor said quietly. “What are we waiting for?” He turned to the other two who were suddenly scrambling to store weapons and put out the fire. “Vidrald, Geirlund. You’re with me once we breach the place. We need to give these two as straight a shot to the dungeons as possible. Aela. Think you can get close and pick some of them off before we get there?”

She smirked. “You know I can. I’ll bring the dogs with me if they’re willing to come. If I stay outside the Keep, I can watch for runners and reinforcements.”

Something like hope was humming in my chest, easing the last bits of fear from the nightmares. I’m coming Silka. I’m almost there.

Northwatch

Aela and the hounds easily outstripped us on the way to Northwatch, Meeko’s reluctance evaporating when Blue chased after the werewolf.

Nearing the Keep, I smiled to hear the shouts from the Thalmor. Drawing my bow I moved forward with the group, firing, dropping one of the men on the wall as another fell further along. Now the shouts were more panicked as one caught sight of us. Before I could nock another arrow, they fell as well and Skjor let out a soft sound of approval.

Securing my bow, I drew my sword and charged with the others, Skjor leading Vidrald and Geirlund to the side so the Thalmor were forced to choose who to respond to as Aela dropped another from her vantage point.

Engaging a Thalmor I easily parried his sword strike, severing his head as he lifted a spell.

Looking up, I moved forward with the others as we entered the now empty courtyard.

“Inside.” Skjor barked. “Aela will cover us.”

Avulstein nodded, moving to my side, as the other three pushed ahead of us to take the brunt. Stepping inside I stepped over the bodies of two Thalmor in the first room, watching Skjor and the others push down the first set of stairs, the Companion easily outstripping them to draw fire his direction. I’m assuming they don’t know he’s a werewolf. A pity that. I wouldn’t mind if he fought in his other form.

Charging down the steps I cut through a Thalmor trying to come from the side, Avulstein’s axe cleaving a second. Staggering as a hoarse scream echoed through the Keep, muffled by the walls of stone. Silka. Rage filmed my vision, and I tore down the stairs, grunting with pain when an arrow caught my shoulder. Glancing up as I blocked a sword strike from a Thalmor I noted Skjor killing the archer and turned my full attention back down as Avulstein killed a soldier just behind the one I engaged. I don’t have time for you. Kicking the man back I brought my sword down on his head, pulling it free, leaving him to bleed out as our group headed down the next set of stairs, another scream cutting into me.

Silka. I’m coming. These stairs led to a corridor and Skjor pushed down the hall swiftly with Vidrald and Geirlund, Avulstein and I bringing up the rear. A closed door to our left drew my attention and I turned toward it as the others turned toward a row of cells, charging the Thalmor that turned to engage them. Testing the door, I shoved it open, coming in fast to drop a soldier, twisting, heart stopping even as I followed through my motions to behead the Justicar standing next to the rack. Cleaning my sword, securing it before digging through the dead man’s robes for a key. I rose, shaking my head to try to clear the tears from my vision.

“Silka.” I whispered, moving to the rack, unlocking binds quickly, anger surging as I registered the faintly glowing cuffs sitting just beneath the iron binds. Leaning forward as the sounds of fighting died away, I pressed my forehead gently to hers. “Silka. My love. I’m here.”

Her eyelids fluttered and she let out a soft groan of pain. “Kai?”

Her voice was hoarse, and I ached to hear it, pain and rage making my hands tremble as I registered the sheer number of gashes and whip wheals that littered her body, the thin shift they’d given her marked with lines of blood. Unpleasant memories surfacing at the sight of the burn marks on her arms. “I’m here.” I murmured, pushing the memories back, looking up at the sound of footsteps.

“It’s clear.” Skjor said, coming inside the room, his eyes roving over the instruments of torture with distaste. “The others are freeing the other prisoner. She the only one in here?”

I nodded slightly. “Yes.” I glanced at the chains on the wall, noting the fresh blood that streaked the stones, turning my gaze back down as the last of the suppressing cuffs finally clicked with their release.

“Now I know it’s not a dream.” Silka said quietly, pausing to cough as I aided her to a sitting position.

She leaned against me, her breathing erratic. “No offense Skjor. But you didn’t feature in any of my dreams.”

The werewolf laughed, shaking himself out of inaction and moving to sort through chests. “Girl. If we’d known you were in here, we’d have come for you. But…” He looked at me. “He was doing good. Evening the odds to get in here.”

Silka moaned softly when she tried to move and I turned back to her quickly, pulling a healing potion out of my pack, ignoring the pain in my shoulder, taking the cork out and pressing it to her lips. “Here. Drink this.” I murmured, trying not to touch her wounds while supporting her.

Giving me a weak nod, she sipped at it slowly making nerves flare in my stomach. I’ve never seen her this weak. Silka.

She pressed her fingertips to her forehead, and I felt memory spike of the last time we’d been in a Thalmor prison together. Overdraw headache. Did they let her use her magic?

Reaching back into my pouch I pulled a magicka potion free, suddenly glad for my impulsive purchase in Solitude. I never thought I’d be carrying magicka potions but… I felt my breathing constrict slightly. Anything to aid her.

“Kai.” She whispered, taking the potion from me, her eyes shining with tears. “Since when…?”

“Picked them up in Solitude.” I responded, nodding toward it. “Drink it down love, get some of your magicka back.”

A tear tracked down her cheek as she drained the potion, taking a deep breath. I want to carry her out of here. I need to hold her. I’ll have to sacrifice one of the healing potions. Reaching up to my shoulder I wrenched the arrow out, draining a healing potion, feeling it work its magic as Silka gave me a concerned look. Worried for me through your pain. I shouldn’t be surprised.  

Skjor cleared his throat and I startled as I glanced at him. I forgot he was there.

“We’ll take all the equipment chests upstairs.” He said gruffly, hefting one of the chests and turning away.

I nodded, stepping closer to Silka. “Let’s get out of here.” I murmured. It smells like death.

“Please.” She whispered, moving to stand up.

Shaking my head, I carefully wrapped an arm around her shoulders, working my other beneath her legs, wincing whenever she let out a small sound of pain, relieved when white-gold light surrounded her and her breathing eased slightly, frowning when it didn’t close even half of the wounds I could see.

Reaching up toward me she rested her hands on either side of my face and leaned up to kiss me. The damn that had blocked away my feelings for the last six days cracked as I kissed her back, shifting her carefully to deepen it, realizing that on some level I feared that this was a dream. After a long moment we finally disengaged and I sighed deeply, relieved by her weight in my arms. It’s not a dream. It’s not a dream. She’ll be safe now.  

“Better.” She murmured, tracing her fingertips along my tattoo, meeting my eyes, hers shining with unshed tears. “I knew you’d come for me.”

Cradling her to my chest as she curled into me, I carried her carefully up the stairs.

A yelping sound drew my attention and I looked to see Meeko and Blue dashing through the room toward us, Blue’s tail moving fast enough to slow her causing Silka to let out a soft laugh.

“Sit.” I ordered as they reached us, crouching carefully so the dogs could greet Silka, watching her rub their ears, murmuring too softly for me to hear.

Looking up, I frowned. The prisoners had gathered silently in front of us, and I furrowed my brow as I rose.

A thin Nord with blood-stained hair stepped forward, leaning heavily on Avulstein. “Silka.” He started. “Dragonborn.” Pulling a little away from his brother he put his fist over his chest and offered a bow, a ripple of movement along the line of prisoners as they echoed him. “Thank you. Your words gave us hope when the Thalmor sought to take it from us.”

“Your strength gave us the strength to hold on.” Another added, a one-armed Bosmer bowing her head from between an Argonian and, I felt an eyebrow lift, an Altmer.

Carefully I lowered Silka to her feet, offering her support as she swayed slightly. Slowly she lifted her arm and crossed it over her chest, offering her own bow. “I thank you for your kindness.” She inclined her head slightly. “As my strength aided you; so yours aided me.”

“What do you want us to do now?” A Nord asked, the woman leaning on him smiling through tears.

“Those of you who have families to return to, you’ll need to assess if it’s safe. Even if you live in Stormcloak territory, do not be complacent. Those who are alone, or fear that they will not be safe…”

“We will care for them.” Vidrald said, stepping forward with Geirlund. “We’ll repurpose this Keep. Use it to stage attacks against the Thalmor.”

A ripple ran down the line of prisoners, looks traded between them. “We will stay and help you.” Avulstein said quietly. “I’ll send a letter to my mother. She can help us set up supply chains. We’re going to need them.”

“The Companions are quick.” Aela said briskly. “We’ll run supplies when we can. Anything to help drive the damn Thalmor out of Skyrim.”

“I know how to set traps.” The Altmer said. “Traps that they will be unable to break out of with their magic.”

“Good. We’ll be picking your brain since you have the most experience running from them.” The man Avulstein supported agreed.

“I look forward to visiting and seeing what you make of the place.” Silka said, her voice stronger and I knew she was smiling. “Any prisoners we rescue from patrols we’ll send your way.” She sighed and wavered slightly. “Divines bless you. Watch out for each other.”

Skjor stepped toward us as the prisoners dispersed, holding Silka’s axe, throwing knives and amulet. “Your armor is a lost cause.” He said gruffly. “Get to Whiterun as quickly as possible, we’ll make sure you get more.”

“Thank you.” She murmured, reaching for the weapons.

Skjor shook his head, passing the weapons to me, letting her take the amulet.

Her fingers shook as she put it over her head. Some luck that brought her. Frowning, I debated if I wanted to ask her to wear something else in the future; but looking at her, watching her wrap her hand around it and squeeze it tightly I knew there was no point. I should ask her why it means so much to her. But later. We need to get out of here. Somewhere she can rest… I wonder.

“Where will you go to from here?” Aela asked softly, offering Silka a cloak as I passed her another potion.

“There’s a place I know.” I started, lifting Silka into my arms again. “It’s called Shadowgreen Cavern. We’ll spend the night there and decide our next step.”

“I think I know it.” The werewolf responded. “Skjor and I will walk with you, make sure your path is clear. I can bring you some gear from Solitude in the morning. Something to get you by until you make it back to Whiterun.”

“Thank you.” Silka murmured.

Aela shook her head, moving toward the stairs. “You’re one of us now girl. And we take care of our own.” Skjor rumbled, then half shrugged. “Not that you weren’t already. It’s just… official now.”

She laughed, then coughed, curling in against me as her body shook.

And that ’s with some healing and two potions. Gods.

Putting Silka carefully down by the pond I offered a bow to the Khajiit and pair of spriggans that watched us with bears and Sabre cats at their side. “We mean no harm. She just needs a safe place to rest up.” Please don’t turn this into a fight. Silka is too weak to face you and I’m not sure I can do it alone.

“Who is she?” The Khajiit asked, her voice gravelly. “The spriggans say she is wreathed in old power.”

“She’s the Dragonborn.” I admitted, knowing it I didn’t dare lie to them.

Meeko barked, wagging his tail madly for a moment before turning and lying next to Silka. “We won’t be here too long.” She promised.

“The werewolf this one knows already. And she vouched for you as well.” The Khajiit admitted. “And your dogs like you. The three legged one especially.” She sighed, then nodded. “There is a smaller pond we use for bathing over there. This one we use primarily for water although this one recommends boiling it before use.” She pointed to a ring of stones. “Keep your fire in there. There is enough deadwood to build a warming fire. Do not cut any from the trees.”

With another nod she melted away, further into the cavern with the spriggans, and animals and I let out a relieved sigh. Druid likely. That must have been part of why Aela insisted on coming.

Turning back to Silka I stooped down and lifted her in my arms again. “Let’s get cleaned up.” I suggested.

“Oh Gods, please.” She murmured.

“Can you heal any more yet?”

“No. Suppressing cuffs drain my magic as well as sealing it from me. Or perhaps they block it by draining it. Either way.” She grimaced as I carefully put her down by the water before divesting myself of my gear. Helping her to her feet I led her into the water, frowning at the hiss of pain from her lips.

“Sweetheart.” I murmured, tracing her cheek scar lightly, relieved to see it wasn’t bleeding. “My love. I’m sorry it took me so long.”

She reached up to rest her hand on my cheek. “No. It’s not your fault. I promised you I would get free, but I miscalculated.”

Lifting my hand up I rested it on hers. “Love. You did everything you could to pull it off. If anything, the blame lies with Delphine for sending an untrained infiltrator into a Thalmor den.”

She winced. “Not exactly untrained Kai. Some of the jobs I did for the Thieves Guild. They were infiltration jobs. I was picky about the contracts I took, but…” She shook her head. “Even went back to the pack once to try and steal every copy of the marriage contract I could find. Nev of all people almost caught me. Not sure what he would have done.”

“How would Delphine have found out?” I murmured, carefully helping her pull the shift she wore away from dried blood, flinching every time she made a sound of pain. That explains why you said you’d done it before. May explain why Delphine thought of this plan.

“I’ll ask. I am very curious about that myself. I don’t trust her. And it has nothing to do with what the Greybeards said.” She murmured, pulling the shift off completely.

My mouth dried as I looked at her, tears pricking my eyes at the wounds still unhealed. “Let me get you another potion.” I whispered.

She nodded slightly. “Alright.” She agreed.

“She still should have gone herself.” I commented, hearing the simmering rage in my voice. “It was her plan. Why risk the Dragonborn on such an operation?” How would she expect to fight the dragons if she lost Skyrim the only one who can kill them properly?

A thought occurred to me as I brought the potions back to the water. “She may be trying to test how far she can manipulate you into following her directives.” I suggested.

Silka frowned as she downed first the healing potion and then the magicka, more of the wounds closing, the burns thankfully disappearing entirely. “That’s possible.” She agreed. “So, we help this Esbern duck the Thalmor and after we get what answers we can, we leave them to stew.” With a soft breath she cast a healing spell, the light illuminating her face, the pain easing entirely from her eyes.

I nodded, helping her scrub soap into her hair, watching blood flake off into the water, glad I was taller than her so I could hide the anguish I felt on my face.

Carefully wrapping her in my arms I ducked my head down and kissed her, relief at having her back overwhelming me. “My love.” I cupped her face in my hands, kissing her forehead. “My love.” I repeated. “I thought I’d lost you.”

Reaching her hands up she rested them on mine. “You almost did.” She whispered. “But I knew you would come. It gave me the hope I needed to hold on.”

Lifting her into my arms again, I carried her back to where the dogs slept. Putting her on her feet, I rooted through my bag for clean underclothes for me, finding an extra shirt and handing it to Silka, sorting out blankets and moving to get the fire started, keeping myself busy. I want nothing more than to hold you until we both forget what happened, but I need to get a fire going first.

Finally, I rose, turning toward her, staring at the image she made standing by the fire, dressed only in my shirt, playing with her amulet. You’re safe. Gods. Gods Silka. You’re safe now. Reaching toward her I pulled her to me, sinking down to the ground, wrapping her tightly in my arms. “Gods. Silka. I…” I swallowed hard. “I never want to live through that fear again.” I whispered.

She leaned into me, twisting some so she could meet my eyes, mirroring a moment from the first time I’d held her. This time when the urge to kiss her flared, I didn’t suppress it, leaning down and kissing her softly, feeling her kiss me back, shifting and pressing her hand into my hair. Pulling back, she gave me her soft smile and I felt relief soar through me.

“I knew you would come for me.” She murmured, nestling herself more firmly into my arms.

“Get some rest love. I’ll watch over you.”

“I’m not quite ready to sleep yet.” She confessed, twisting again to look at me. “Do you have a book?”

I closed my eyes, joy at the familiar suggestion making me lightheaded. “Of course I do.” I told her, fishing one out of my pack quickly, tears clouding my vision as she leaned into me again. You’re safe now. I’ve got you.

Chapter Text

Chapter 29: Safety and Trouble

Silka: Shadowgreen Cavern

My sleep was dreamless. And, blessedly, for the first time in six days when I opened my eyes, I didn’t see either Thalmor or the dirty straw and stone walls of a cell. The weight against my back, and the arms wrapped around me were warm, solid, and familiar. Tears welled in my eyes, trickling down my face as I closed them. I’m safe. I’m safe. Shor bless it. It wasn’t an elaborate dream.

Twisting slightly in those achingly familiar arms I nearly laughed with relief when they tightened slightly before easing as I felt Kai stir. Managing to roll over just as he was opening his eyes, I felt my heart squeeze painfully in my chest at the look he gave me. Reaching my hand up I traced his tattoo gently. He closed his eyes, letting out a deep breath and I knew his first thoughts had matched mine. Last night. When he saved me. He called me love. I don’t know. How do I know? I smiled to see the stark joy that sparkled in his eyes as he studied my face, loosening one arm to brush a bit of hair back over my shoulder. After everything… After all the dreams while imprisoned. I know how I feel, but do I dare hope that Farkas was right? That my instincts are right? Yet, how can I keep it inside? I need to know.

“Good morning Kaidan.” I whispered.

Shifting his arm to my hair he pulled me closer to him and gently kissed my forehead. “Yes, it is.” He responded. “Best morning I’ve had in too long.”

Moving a bit I planted a kiss on his lips, feeling content and warm. “Warmest morning I’ve had in a while.” I murmured, working myself further into his embrace, pleased when he tightened it.

“My love.” He whispered. “You’re here. And you’re safe. Finally, you’re safe.”

For now, at least. But let’s not borrow trouble. It turned out so badly last time. For now. Just breathe. “I am.” I agreed. “I love you.” I whispered, certain down to my core just how true those words were.

He stilled and I chanced a glance at his face. His eyes were shining, and he very carefully sat up, pulling me with him, not releasing his embrace. “I was wondering how long it would take you to realize that.”

I felt my brow furrow. Not the reaction I expected. “What do you mean?”

He smiled, cupping my cheek, meeting my eyes. “Not just because it was mentioned by the werewolf twins but…” He sighed. “It’s in the way you are with me. You look at me almost as much… or perhaps as much… as I look at you. The expression on your face when our eyes meet. I am certain it matches my own.” He held up a hand to forestall any comments. “You worry over me, even when it’s unnecessary. And…” His smile broadened. “When you were sick in Whiterun. You told me not to fall in love with you.”

I flushed, ducking my head. “I…”

He laughed softly, moving his hand back to my face, stroking his thumb along my scar. “It’s alright. I understand why. You explained that too. But… Do you remember what I told you?”

I wracked my brain for the conversation, shaking my head when I came up blank. “No.”

“Well, that was the hope at the time. But. I told you that it was too late.” He smoothed my hair back from my face. “Silka. I am in love with you. I have been for some time now.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I whispered, warmth settling in my bones, soothing my nerves. “When I’d remember, I mean?”

“Because I don’t gamble. Not unless I know I can hedge my bets. And this.” He shook his head, studying my expression. “This was the biggest gamble I’ve ever been tempted to take. I was afraid that I was reading you wrong. That you didn’t feel the same way. And I was afraid that if you did feel the same, that you’d refuse to acknowledge it for the reasons you gave me while you were ill.” He sighed. “One of my biggest regrets.” He shook his head. “When I thought I’d lost you. When I found that horn. Gods. Silka. I… I thought I’d lost you…” He swallowed hard.

Shifting, I wrapped my arms around his neck, resting my head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat, feeling safe as he wrapped his arms more tightly around me, pressing a kiss to the top of my head, loosening his grip slightly as I pulled back to see his face again.

“I was focused on tracking you down. The only thing keeping me moving was the little flicker of hope that you still lived and the deep well of regret that if you died…” He closed his eyes. “If you died, you’d have died not knowing how I feel.”

“We had similar regrets then.” I murmured. “I realized, when I kept having dreams…” I shook my head, feeling tears well up in my eyes. “When I kept having dreams about a future with you. I realized then that what I’d been feeling was love. I never thought I’d be free to love. I thought being free of the pack would be enough. But… with you. I knew I was feeling more, but I didn’t have the words to explain it. To describe it. Nonetheless, I couldn’t help but hope you’d never leave my side.”

“And so I won’t. Not ever again.” He murmured. “So, you too had dreams. More pleasant than mine I hope.”

“Perhaps.” I agreed. “I can’t be sure. But they seemed to be the manifestation of the scraps of hope I could gather from the other prisoners during the day. It grieves me that you had nightmares.”

“Tell me about your dreams?” He asked, pulling me into his lap. “I’m curious what dreams about me could give you hope.”

Shaking my head I sighed and leaned into his shoulder, warmed and at peace, ignoring the flickers of pain and fear that still hid at the edges of my mind.

“There were a couple.” I admitted. “Some weren’t as comforting but it didn’t take me long to figure out how not to have them. I couldn’t look at you in the dream or it would all vanish. But I know your voice and I heard it in my dreams.”

“That doesn’t tell me what you dreamt about.” He responded, kissing me lightly.

“I suppose that’s true.” I agreed. “Well, there was one. The main one. The only one I could reliably keep from dissolving. They always started in a similar fashion. I’d be sitting at a desk or a table, writing a letter to Nevian. Always a letter to Nev. I’d hear footsteps and then your voice.” I sighed, your being here for real is much better. “And you’d tell me that our youngest was picking the locks into my library again.”

Slight confusion gleamed in his eyes, then understanding dawned and a mix of concern and happiness lit up his face.

“As long as I didn’t look at you, we’d have a conversation about whose fault it was she knew how to pick locks. Mine, or Inigo’s.”

He laughed, his concern easing slightly. “Silka. I’m not certain I’m cut out to be a father, but I am glad for anything that gave you comfort.” He frowned for a moment then laughed softly. “It would be your fault. I’m certain of it.”

“Hey!” I protested, squirming when he dropped his mouth to the side of my neck. “Gods, Kai. I missed you.”

He pulled back slightly, meeting my eyes, rubbing his thumb along my chin. “I love you Silka.” He murmured, ducking his head to kiss me, deepening it, skimming his hand down my back, pulling away when I flinched slightly, looking worried. “Still not completely healed?” He asked, anger simmering in the back of his eyes.

“Not yet.” I admitted. “It will take some time to heal completely.” I called a healing spell into my hand, snapping my fingers, letting it wash through me and ease some of the pain, not surprised when it didn’t ease all of it. “But still…” I leaned up and kissed the side of his neck, smiling when he shuddered, pulling back. “Look. I had an unorthodox upbringing as well. That my mind decided to give me that dream is most likely because it would have to be in the future for children to exist. Whether we have children or not…” I shook my head. “Let’s discuss that at a later time.”

He laughed softly. “Aye. Although.” His expression stilled slightly. “Is that something you want? Children?”

“I’m not sure Kai. But not as long as I have to watch over my shoulder. I wouldn't want to bring a child into a world that dangerous.”

“Then we’ll discuss it when you’re at ease.” He agreed, then smiled. “But…” He kissed the side of my jaw, dragging his teeth along it as I shuddered in his arms. “It might be a good idea to practice the skills required for baby making. Just in case.”

I flushed, biting back a laugh, willingly leaning back into the bedding as he shifted me off his lap and leaned over me. “Gods, I missed you.” He whispered. “Missed the sounds you make when I do this…” His lips trailed down to my collarbone and he sucked lightly, moving a hand under the shirt I wore to slide up to my breasts, toying with my nipples, kissing me to block the bulk of my sounds, dragging the blankets over the top of us before turning his attention back to my body as I skimmed my fingers along his arms, moving them to his chest, scraping them along his sides, returning every kiss with fervor, arching into him when he kissed along my throat, biting back my sounds.

“Missed the feel of you beneath me.” He whispered, working his clothes off, rubbing fingertips against my clit as I dug my fingers into his chest, trying to keep my moans low. “Missed your scent.” He added, leaning in, pressing against me, nipping at the side of my jaw again. “Missed you.” He murmured, sliding into me as I moaned my pleasure against his neck, breathing hard, trembling as he moved, drawing back smoothly to thrust again, his left hand resting against my shoulder, his right against my hair, his weight pinning me comfortably.

I sighed, closing my eyes and biting my lip to quiet a cry as I fell into my release, the strength of it taking me off guard, leaving me gasping for breath, tightening around him with what little thoughts I could gather, knowing he was whispering something, unable to hear it over the sound of the blood in my ears when he thrust and held, shaking, pressing a kiss to my lips as my senses cleared.

“I missed everything about you too.” I told him, at a loss for eloquence, content to roll slightly with him and snuggle back into his arms, what little strength I’d gained from sleep dissipated. Worth it.

“I’m not surprised she’s still sleeping.”

A familiar voice woke me, and I frowned at the absence of body heat, turning, and sitting up, Kai’s shirt falling to cover me as I moved.

“Ah. My apologies.” Aela said, moving into my line of sight. “I didn’t not mean to wake you. You need as much sleep as you can get after the injuries you sustained.”

Kai nodded, accepting the pack the werewolf held. “We told the Druid we would not stay long.”

“She told me.” She responded, then grinned.  “She, Ko’drashi, says she is pleased that you are healing so swiftly. She said, that if you would like to learn it Silka, that she would teach you a spell.”

“What kind of spell?”

“She called it Safe Teleportation. Well, that’s the best translation she could find from Ta’agra. Said that if you cast it, it would bring you and anyone in the circle to a safe place.”

“Hmm, sounds like a Master level spell. Likely a ritual spell as well.” I considered it, then nodded. “It may prove useful.”

“I’m not surprised that you’d agree. So…” She passed a book to Kaidan. “She said to start studying the spell. That she would come to you tomorrow morning and teach you what the book will start.”

“Thank you Aela.”

She nodded. “I’m glad we ended up near Northwatch when we did. If Fralia hadn’t been so convinced her son was alive, it never would have happened.”

“Speaking of Thorald. How is his arm?”

She shook her head. “He’s never going to wield a great weapon again. Not unless he becomes a werewolf and even then… I’m not sure it would regenerate it fully. No. Whatever the Thalmor did to him. No matter how many times he’s healed.” She sighed, “He claims he’s better off than the others. And I can see his point with a few of them.”

“They did a number on all of us.” I said grimly, unhappy with the stark reminder, almost wishing I hadn’t asked.

“They did.” She agreed. “Alright. I need to get back there. I promised the brothers I’d see them before I left.”

“Thank you Aela.” I murmured.

“Just get strong again Silka. That’s all I ask.”

“I’ll do my best. I swear it.”

“Did you want to look at the tome?” Kai asked, frowning down at the book in his hand.

“Please.” I murmured, reaching up for it.

He sighed, handing it over to me.

It tingled pleasantly in my hands, and I turned it over, examining it. “Master level. I might not be able to cast this for some time. But not a bad idea to start researching it.”

“Eat something first?” Kai asked, his expression hard to read.

“Kai.” I murmured. “What’s wrong?”

He sighed. “I just.” He shook his head, closing his eyes. “Magic and I have a dark history. Seeing your burns. Reminded me of a bad time.”

“I understand. This isn’t a Destruction spell if that helps.”

“A little.” He acknowledged. “A little. And I trust you but…”

“It’s hard.” I finished. “Hard to let go of such a strong reaction. I understand.”

He moved closer, kneeling next to me, and stroking his fingers gently on the burn scar on my cheek. “You do, don’t you?”

“Yes.” I whispered, leaning into his touch.

With a small sigh he rested his forehead against mine. “Study your spell love. Don’t mind me. I don’t really understand, but I’ll try.”

Reaching up I cupped the back of his head and pulled him toward me, kissing him lightly on the lips. “What did I do to deserve you.”

He smiled, sitting more comfortably next to me, dragging the gear bag over so he could sort through it. “Let’s see what Aela deemed appropriate gear, and hope she remembered that you’re not a werewolf.” He murmured, opening the pack.

Opening the book, I started skimming through it, noting the components to the spell. Not nearly as bad as I thought. I’ve dealt with spells nearly this level in the past. I can do this. I know I can.

“Hmm.” Kai murmured, lifting the chest piece out of the pack, studying it. “It’ll show a bit more skin than I’m comfortable with for armor.”

I glanced over at it. “There should be another part to it.” I responded. “That should just be reinforcement.”

“That’s a relief.” He murmured. “I’m surprised she got you so much. From the way Skjor was talking they were going to get you something cobbled together that would get you back to Whiterun.”

“That’s Aela for you.” I murmured. “She doesn’t like seeing any chance of injuries on her watch.”

“Well, I can certainly appreciate that.” He responded, assembling the rest of the gear. “She must have spent a pretty septim on this.”

“And she’ll lord it over me until I take enough of her jobs to satisfy her.” I mused. “Oh, I’ll still get paid for those contracts. She’ll just grumble loudly about favors if I try to take contracts from Vilkas, Farkas or Skjor.”

“This has happened before?”

“To Athis. He needed a hand out of a tight situation and Aela rose to the occasion.”

“I didn’t see her as a soft-hearted type.”

I grinned. “That’s why she harps about owing. It helps her keep up her persona.”

Morthal

“Welcome to the Moorside Inn.” A Redguard said brightly as we entered. “Stay awhile.”

“Perhaps.” I hedged, smiling at the woman, noting just how empty it was, frowning as I considered the burned-out husk of a house we’d passed. “What happened to that house? It seems to have been… recent.”

She sighed. “Yes. Hroggar’s old house. It’s a tragedy what happened. His wife and daughter inside.” She gestured for me to come closer. “There’s word that maybe he did it.”

“To his own family?” Kai asked, outrage in his tone.

I didn’t say anything, a sick feeling in my stomach. This town might strike a little too close to home. Chewing at my lip I shook my head. “What does the Jarl say?”

“She wants someone to look into it, but she’d have to hire the Companions at this rate. No one wants to go near it. I can’t really blame them but…” She shook her head. “Nothing will change if it’s not attended to.”

“True enough.” I agreed. “Maybe I’ll give her a visit. It’s still early enough in the day.”

“Be mighty kind of you if you did.” She responded. “Town could use the closure.”

“What do you think Kai?” I asked as I settled my pack next to the bed.

“I’d like it if you were more recovered before we get involved in something else.” He responded, leaning against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest.

Moving over to him I rested my hands on his arm, lifting to kiss him softly on the cheek. “What harm could come from asking?” I wondered.

“A lot.” He pointed out, moving his arms to gather me in an embrace, careful not to squeeze too hard. “I admit I like the armor Aela found you.” He murmured, lifting the outer part of the chestpiece off, sliding his hands down the form fitting leather that lay beneath, lifting me easily off the ground, ducking his head down to kiss the bared skin, skimming teeth along as I shuddered in his grasp, barely managing to brace my legs around him as he moved away from the wall.

“Kai.” I gasped, trying to manage a chiding tone, “We had plans.”

“Fine.” He grumbled, setting me back on my feet. “Later then.”

“Later.” I agreed, reaching up to kiss him. “Let’s go talk to the Jarl.”

Telling the hounds to wait outside we stepped into the hall, approaching the woman who sat on the throne.

“Jarl.” I greeted, Kaidan and I both offering polite bows.

“Good. You’ve come. I was worried you’d be delayed.” She said, rising from her throne, beckoning to her housecarl and steward. “Come. We have things to discuss.”

“Jarl?” I questioned.

“I will explain in a moment.” She responded, leading us toward a side room.

Turning toward us, she nodded sharply. “Healer. What do you know in the ways of spells that can harm the undead?”

“Turn undead and repel undead.” I responded immediately. Not as strong as I’d like yet for either.

“Could either of those be turned into a ward of some type?”

“Warding the walls around your town or the like?” I asked.

“Yes. Precisely that. Also, I need you to cast Turn Undead on our resident wizard in front of the town. Lay their fears of his nature to rest.”

“Is he amenable to that?” Kai wondered.

“He is.” A deep voice interrupted, a robed Redguard stepping into the room. “I take it this is the visitor you mentioned?”

“Yes. How can you aid her with setting repel undead spells on the walls?”

“I can lend her strength.” He responded.

“What kind of undead are we talking?” Kaidan asked, narrowing his eyes suspiciously.

“Vampires.” The Jarl said sharply. “My visions were nonspecific as to where they are. All I can do is hope they have not breached the town.”

“Do you think they had something to do with the house fire?” I asked.

“Vampires don’t like fire.” The steward responded, frowning.

“Doesn’t mean they can’t set them.” Kaidan pointed out.

“It’s a possibility that we cannot ignore.” The Jarl agreed. “Which means we need to question both Hroggar, and Alva.”

“I can start on the wards while we still have daylight.” I offered. “I should have enough strength to get to most of them. And if you get many Vigilant Patrols along, they can help you strengthen them. And would likely agree to track down the source.”

“The Vigilants. Of course! Their hall is not far from here.” The Housecarl said. “Jarl Ravencrone, please allow me to go beg them for help.”

“Alright Gorm. Bring Benor with you.” Jarl Ravencrone agreed. “If you leave now, you should be back within the week. Looking at me she smiled. “Call on Falion when you need his strength.” She ordered, turning toward her steward.

Knowing a dismissal when I heard one, I turned, accepting Kaidan’s hand as we walked back through the hall. “I’ll cast alarm tonight at the inn.” I murmured. “So we’ll be able to sleep safely.”

“Well, well. You’re new in town.” A sultry voice murmured as I frowned at a particularly oddly placed section of wall.

“Not staying long.” I responded immediately, turning with a sigh to see who was speaking to me, feeling a sudden spark of warning in the back of my mind as Kaidan approached from the other side of the rocky area, Falion with him.

“What could a lovely woman such as yourself be doing in this small city?” She asked, moving slightly closer.

Crossing my arms over my chest I leaned against the section of wall I could reach, considering her. There’s something Wrong about her. I can’t put my finger on it.

“Just passing through. Thought I’d examine the walls here. I was curious how they made it work with the marsh.” I told her, calling up a whisper of magic, twining the banish undead spell around my fingers, resting them against the wall, blowing out a long breath when the woman flinched.

“I see.” She said, licking her lips. “How… disappointing.”

“Why is that?” I asked, feeling the magic spread away from my fingertips, a shining web of gold light weaving in the cracks of the stone.

“Someone like you…” Her smile changed, grew slightly feral. “Is so rare in this town. I would hate to see you leave.” Glancing at the approaching men she turned. “I best go. Wouldn’t want to be late for my shift. I’ll see you later I hope.”

“Maybe.” I responded, studying the position of the sun. Strong. Or protected to be out so early.

Watching her give Kaidan a double take as she passed him, I called a turn undead spell into my hand and moved forward, preparing to lob it when he shook his head, arms crossed over his chest, Meeko growling in front of him, ears flat and teeth bared, Blue creeping to hide behind me.

“She’s so beautiful, isn’t she?” A wistful voice murmured.

Turning, I looked at the Nord standing near me, glancing at the woman again, then back. Whispering a healing spell I flicked it into him, frowning at what I found. So much for my preventative spells.

“You must be Hroggar.” I greeted, smiling at him.

“Yes.” He agreed. “She’s the only one in town who speaks to me since my house was lost.”

No mention of wife or child. Thrall for certain.

“That must be a comfort.” I told him, considering the spells I had at hand. A strong healing spell may do the trick. It will alert her though.

Taking a steadying breath, I called the strongest spell I could cast on another into my hands. “I noticed you’ve got a burn there.” I said, nodding toward his hand. “I’m a bit of a healer. Could I heal that for you?”

He looked down at his hand then back to me. “Oh. That would be mightily kind of you. Please.” He agreed, holding his hand out toward me.

Too easy. Summoning a good chunk of power into my grasp I poured healing into him.

Not unexpected was the distant shriek I heard, nerves rising at the number of townsfolk running with the vampire.

“What are you doing?” The woman shouted.

“She’s healing my hands.” The man responded, turning to give her a confused look when I felt my spell hit the undead magic and he stiffened, his confusion turning to a look of horror and dawning comprehension.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered. “Killing you might have been a kindness.” I added as he sank to his knees, staring down at his hands.

“What magic. What did you do?” He shrieked. “My wife. My child. What did you do!!??”

Reaching a gentle hand to his shoulder I shook my head. “Go to the Jarl.” I whispered, pulling a ward up when a body slammed into me.

Twisting, I pushed the vampire back, noting she’d put me between her and Kaidan. Smart.

“Destroy me if you’re able, my master will rip you into pieces.” She hissed; fangs extended.

Shaking her off I Shouted. “Yol.”

Fire erupted along her clothes, and she let out a deafening shriek, jerking away and diving into the marsh, fleeing from the town.

“Are you hurt?” Kaidan’s voice broke my attention and I turned to give him a small smile.

“No. I was able to hold her back. I’ll take a cure disease potion just in case, but. She likely approached me because she could tell I was weakened.”

“Or because you’re a Restoration mage.” Falion suggested, moving toward us. “Some vampires target Restoration mages for turning or torture.”

“Then we’d best get out of here.” Kai grumbled. “You have enough targets on your back already.”

I nodded. “Agreed, let’s report to the Jarl and go from there.”

Chapter Text

Chapter 30: Power Imbalance

Kaidan: Morthal

“I heard that it was an eventful day for you.” The innkeeper said cheerfully as we stepped inside. “Staying here for certain?”
“Yes, we need a bath and a meal.” Silka responded, squeezing my hand slightly. 
“Twenty septims.” She glanced around. “If you’d like to take your meal in your room I understand.” 
Silka nodded. “I appreciate that. Thank you.” 
Moving into the room she immediately set to stripping her armor free, frowning down at her pack for a moment. “Quick in the baths?” She asked, looking over at me, her smile impish. “Make good use of the bed before we sleep?”
With a low laugh I moved over to her and wrapped my arms around her, kissing her soundly. “I’ll hold you to that.” I murmured.

Silka should be about done by now. Rising from the bed I moved silently toward the taproom, pushing the door open, finding the innkeeper speaking in low tones to an Orc behind held upright by a town guard, another guard standing near the door. 
Glancing over her shoulder, the innkeeper straightened. “Oh good. You’re still up. I thought you were.” She said, turning toward the bathing rooms, looking at Silka as she moved slowly forward. “This is Lurbuk. He’s our bard. And he… He went missing a couple of nights ago. I didn’t think anything of it. Thought he’d gone back to one of the strongholds. He does on occasion but… He’s hurt bad. Can you help?”
“Bring him close to the fire.” Silka responded, frowning slightly. “Kai, can you get me a couple cure disease potions?” She asked, glancing over at me.
Nodding slightly, I ducked back into the room, grabbing what she’d asked for, not bothering to stop the dogs from following me back into the taproom. Moving over to Silka’s side, I felt my brows furrow as the guard helped the Bard lean against a post. How long I wonder. Vampirism takes three days I believe.  
As I neared Silka she crouched down by the Orc, studying his face. “Lurbuk.” She murmured. “Do you remember me?”
He blinked. “You were at the Bard’s College. We practiced drum together.”
“Yes. You were much better at it than I.” She told him, smiling warmly. “Tell me something. What can you smell?”

He frowned but sniffed the air as she asked. “Jonna made beef stew a few hours ago. She’s got a cut on her hand. Probably from the stew.” He turned his head, staring at her. “You though. There’s… I can’t. It’s sweet. It’s perfume? I can’t place it. It’s… it’s making me feel…”

“Strange.” Silka completed, rocking back on her heels. “Well, we can try this but…” She shook her head, passing him a vial of cure disease. “Take that. See if it helps deaden your senses back to normal.”

“You smell different now.” He murmured, drinking the potion down. “I can’t explain it. It’s… disquieting.”

“So.” She shook her head and took a deep breath. “What message were you told to give the town?”

“Message?” His brow furrowed for a moment then his eyes seemed to blank over and Meeko growled low in his throat. “This town’s days are numbered. Commendable, your collecting a Restoration Mage to try and keep us out. I will consider leaving Morthal intact if you turn her over to me. As recompense for her harming my lover. You’ll want to hand over your wizard as well. You won’t be needing him.” A red light creeped into his eyes and fangs lengthened in his mouth as he lunged toward Silka.

Before I or the guards could react, a spell spun away from Silka that had him cowering backward, hands over his head. “Don’t hurt me! Don’t hurt me!”

“Damnit.” Silka whispered, rising as the closer guard edged away from the vampire, looking up at the guard near the door. “We need Falion. If anyone knows a way to help him, he should.” Looking down at the Orc as the guard disappeared out the door, her shoulders dropped. “Lurbuk. I’m going to put wards around you so you can’t hurt anyone while we try to figure this out. Alright?”

He looked up; his eyes red rimmed now more from tears than anything else. “I can hear his voice in my head.” He whispered. “I can hear him. He speaks to me. He tells me to bring you and Falion to him. He wants to hurt you.” He growled deep in his throat. “He wants to control me. I am an Orc.” He spat. “I am a proud…” He broke off, groaning, hands over his ears.

Reaching out I rested a hand on Silka’s shoulder, meeting her eyes when she looked up at me, her expression pained. I’m here. Reaching her hand up she squeezed mine gently. “Thank you.” She whispered.

I nodded slightly. Of course.

Moments later the door was flung open, and two guards entered with Falion, the wizard motioning for them to stay back. “I can help you.” He stated flatly, staring down at the Orc. “I have the means to assist reversing this curse. But it will be extremely painful, and it won’t work for as long as the vampire who created you lives.”

Lurbuk stared up at him. “You can cure me?” He asked, his eyes filled with hope.

“Yes.” Falion said flatly. “I can. You have to want it though. More than you’ve wanted anything in your life. And we’ll need to secure you while we deal with the vampire who created you. But yes. I can cure you.” He sighed, rubbing at his face. “We should be able to find some flasks of blood in the master vampire’s lair. Keep us from having to figure out a way to feed him. In the meantime, cow or deer blood should suffice.”

“How long does the cure take?” One of the guards asked, alarm in her voice.

“About a month.” Falion responded. “That’s why I said he had to want it. It’s not going to work if we have to keep him restrained. He’ll be too strong. That’s also why I said we need to kill the vampire who created him. It’ll keep him from using him.”

“Oh. I guess that makes sense.” She agreed. “Come on Lurbuk. We’ll bunk you in the Guardhouse until this finishes up. Unless…” She frowned when he didn’t move, exchanging looks with the other guards. “You do want to be cured right?” 

He nodded slightly. “I believe so. Just. Get rid of this accursed voice in my head. Then I’ll know.”

“Glad to hear it.” Falion said briskly. “I will walk with you in case his maker tries to take control of his actions.”

“No singing.” The guard warned. “We’ll find you some instruments but No singing.”

Shaking her head Silka moved toward the room. “Damn. Those vampires did a number on him.” She murmured.

“You know him?” I asked softly, locking the door before wrapping my arms around her.

“Yes.” She responded, sighing heavily. “He was at the Bard’s College with me. He’s, not the best Bard in Skyrim, his voice leaves much to be desired, but Viarmo liked the idea of gaining ties to Orc Strongholds and he’s good at recitation and drumming. Morthal is so small that it wasn’t a bad place for him to come.”

“How are you holding up?”

“I mean, you were right, we shouldn’t have asked.” She responded, leaning back into me. “We should have pushed on.”

“Perhaps. But there is no guarantee we wouldn’t have run into trouble on our way.”

“That’s true.” She agreed, twisting in my arms, kissing me lightly. “I’m glad I have you with me.” Tilting her head slightly she smiled. “I love you.”

Heart squeezing at the words I kissed her back. I will never tire of hearing that. “I love you too.”  

The scent of snow was heavy on the air as we walked toward the Jarl’s longhouse, Silka turning her face up toward the sky, a small smile on her face. Nords. Reaching out, I affectionately ran my fingers along her jaw. “What are you thinking about love?” I asked.

“It’s going to snow soon.” She responded. “I love snow.”

“Of course you do.” I groused, shaking my head at her in mock sorrow when she glanced at me.

She laughed. “You have to admit we’ve dodged a fair bit of the bad weather. Whiterun might get some snow but nothing like Solitude or Winterhold.”

“Or Morthal.” I pointed out dryly, stomping on a bit of ice as we neared the longhouse to emphasize my point.

Moving closer to me she twined her fingers in mine. “It’ll be fine Kai. Just stick close to me.”

“Mmhmm, need I remind you of just who tends to need warmth at night?” I teased.

Shaking her head, she pushed the door open, sobering as we walked across the floor, the Jarl somehow slumped further in her chair, speaking with her Steward.

“We should never have let him go.” Her steward was saying, his voice rough.

“It was his time. But Benor is who I worry for now. They did not kill him. He would make for a powerful Thrall. Or worse. They may do to him what they did to Lurbuk.” She turned toward us. “Gorm and Benor did not reach the Vigilants. I knew Gorm’s time was coming but had hoped he would not end in such a violent manner. They left his head by the city gate when Lurbuk was found. He may have been carrying it. You did well, Healer, to put those wards on him. And now we need you to end the vampire menace to my Hold.”

Panic surged through me, and I puffed out a short breath, looking at Silka. She had her bard’s face on, impossible to read. She’s worried then. Fuck. And after what Falion said about vampires targeting healers... “Jarl.” I started delicately, “It was suggested…”

“She will be fine. I did not foresee her death at the hands of the vampires. Nor yours. The Wolf who Marked her is the more pressing concern. He will be waiting to ensnare her as soon as your time is expired.”

“We know that already.” I responded, back stiff.

“But you do not understand what I mean.” She replied. “Ask your Love. Ask her what it means to be Marked by a Werewolf.” She frowned. “Unless I miss my guess, she has told no one exactly what happened.”

“I don’t need her to relive details to know it was bad.” I countered, reaching out and grasping her hand, squeezing it gently.

She scowled, turning her gaze to Silka. “If you would like me to inform you how to release you from the Mark, take care of Movarth for me.”

“Movarth?” Silka asked, the slight trepidation in her voice spiking my worry. “The man mentioned in Immortal Blood? That Movarth?”

“Yes.” She responded sharply. “You know your history.”

“I do.” Silka responded. “You realize that this means you’re sending us after a vampire that is over six hundred years old, yes?”

“Yes.” She responded easily. “It is your duty.”

Her duty? Her only Duty is to slay the damn Dragons, and that ’s only because she’s the only Dragonborn of this age that we know of.

The door opened before I could order my thoughts properly and a guardsman stepped in. “Jarl. The guards found a pair of travelers near the gates. They were holding their own against a pair of vampires and their Thralls.”

“Fate smiles on you Healer. Your backup has arrived.” She smiled thinly. “I will keep my word. I will tell you how to remove the Mark once Movarth is dead.”

“See the travelers to the inn.” The Steward ordered.

“Ensure that as many of Hjaalmarch’s lost villagers are saved as possible.” Jarl Ravencrone said, waving her hand at us.

“Of course, Jarl.” Silka said calmly, her face Bard still as she tugged slightly on my hand and moved toward the door.

“Warrior.” The Jarl called.

I paused, turning. “Yes Jarl?” I asked, unable to keep the stiffness from my voice.

“I will have a warning for you as well when you return. And for your other companions. It will be a most productive meeting.” She smiled. “Now go.”

Mages. Pah!

Stepping out the door I scowled as the City Wizard approached us, his hood drawn forward over his face. “I want to assist you, but the Jarl informed me that for me to do so would be suicide.” He sighed heavily. “I cannot risk Agni losing another guardian. But. I have been working on charms that should aid you.” Pulling a small satchel from his belt he passed it to me. “There are four amulets in there. Each of them is spelled so that you cannot be infected with vampirism. They only have enough power for three days.” He shook his head. “I could not do more at this time. I am sorry.”

“This is a lot Falion.” Silka responded, taking the satchel from him. “Thank you.”

“Who is Agni?” I asked, curious what would make him so concerned.

“She is my apprentice.” He looked toward where some children played. “My… well… she’s like a daughter to me. I took her in when her parents died. No one else in Stonehills wanted a mage child. She will be powerful one day and I only hope I can see her safely through her childhood.”

“Is life particularly dangerous for mage children?” I asked, glancing at Silka to see that she was studying the amulets the wizard had made, seemingly oblivious to the conversation. Was it dangerous for you? You said once without training it escapes. Would it be dangerous for…?

“It can be.” He responded, disrupting my thoughts. “But with a guide it makes it much safer.” He sighed. “Her father had some training but…” He shook his head. “I’ve delayed you enough.” Turning, he headed toward the children. “Agni!” He called.

A young Nord child broke away from the group, running toward him. “Is it time for lessons?” She asked, her face bright with eagerness.

“Yes.” Falion told her, turning as she joined him.

I watched them move away, glancing down at Silka again to see she was watching me with a lifted eyebrow.  “Something on your mind?”

“Nothing we can’t talk about later.” I murmured. “Let’s go meet our supposed backup.” I suggested.

“Agreed.”

Stepping into the inn, the dogs flashed past me with barks and tail wags to greet the two travelers, dancing around them.

I felt my brow furrow. “What happened?”

Inigo sighed, shaking his head. “Everything that could delay us did.” He explained, walking toward us. “Silka. My friend, it is good to see you well.” He added, reaching out to embrace her as she moved toward them, and Lucien walked over.

“Falk wanted to verify the cave we cleared before..." He coughed. "Wanted to verify it was empty and when we mentioned what we’d found, the Court Wizard insisted on going with him. She seemed concerned about what was going on there.” The Imperial shook his head. “Then there was a blizzard that stopped the carriages, then we stopped by Meridia’s Temple because the beacon started yelling when we tried to pass it. That took time. Then that small bandit encampment was taken over by Forsworn so the Carriage driver refused to go further, saying he had to go back and tell Solitude. When we asked about the passes in Dragon Bridge, they said that the blizzard had blocked all of them.” He sighed heavily. “That left going through Morthal. And on the way here we ran into a couple vampires.” He turned, smiling when Inigo released Silka. “It’s good to see you.”

“I’m afraid you didn’t come at a restful time.” Silka said solemnly. “The Jarl has ordered that we take care of a vampire that’s threatening her city.”

Inigo’s ears flattened. “Then I suppose it is a good thing that Meridia granted me leave to carry Dawnbreaker.”

“And I’ve been practicing.” Lucien murmured. “It is nearly noon. Wouldn’t this be the best time?”

I blinked. “Why so eager?” Surprising to hear from him. Has he changed or learned so much in such a short time?

“I don’t want to lose my nerve and right now I’m still angry about the vampires that attacked us as we neared the city.” He explained. “I want to use that anger to make sure I can get rid of them.”

Sound reasoning. I ’m glad to see it.

“Now would be the best time, yes.” Inigo agreed, stroking Meeko’s ears. “Do you two have a room here where we can store our bags during the fight?”

“Yes.” Silka responded, pulling away to lead them to it.

I frowned after them. This makes getting to Riften more pressing. We can hope that the weather delayed the Thalmor as well, but no guarantees with their magic.

I am not looking forward to this. Moving over to the innkeeper I shook my head. “Do you happen to know where the vampire’s lair is? Has anyone mentioned a cave or ruin or building that made them uncomfortable?”

She considered it, swiping at the counter with a cloth. “Yes.” Reaching under the counter she unearthed a charcoal stick and roll of paper. “If this is Morthal, you’ll want to go through this gate and head North. Benor told me there is a cave there with fresh blood outside consistently. He said at first he thought bears but that it made him nervous, so he tried to avoid it.”

“Thank you.” Turning away from her I watched Lucien and Inigo talk to Silka, the dogs safely locked in the room. It’s good to have backup for this but I can’t pretend that I like the fact that they’re going to intrude on Silka’s and my time together. I enjoyed having her to myself again.

The group moved over to me and Silka offered me the last amulet. “Let’s take care of this.” She suggested.

And then get the Fuck out of Morthal permanently. “Agreed.” I would have liked more time to prepare but I get the feeling after Lurbuk that it’s not something we have. Not to mention our other concerns.

Movarth’s Lair

“So, this is it?” Lucien asked, frowning over the outside. “It looks… concerning.”

He hasn ’t changed so much after all. I’m not sure whether that is a good thing or not.

“It’s not going to be an easy fight.” Silka murmured. “The Master vampire is old. Walk softly and be prepared to react.” She said, squeezing his shoulder. “We’ll be alright as long as we focus.”

Inigo hissed. “Let us get this over with.”

“Agreed.”

“They know we’re coming so we’d best just go in with our weapons ready.” Silka warned.

A rustling in the marsh startled me into reflexively drawing my blade as I turned.

An orc approached us, dressed in plated armor, a scowl on his face, sword on his back, crossbow on his hip. “You four planning on attacking a vampire den?” He asked harshly.

“What’s it to you?” Lucien asked, quirking an eyebrow.

“Want a hand?”

“As long as you’re alright with me verifying that you’re among the living.” Silka said quietly.

He gave her a short nod. “Do.” He agreed. “Although.” He gestured toward the sun. “The lack of smoking flesh should give you an indication that I am.”

She smiled. “It helps.” She agreed, casting her spell, nodding again. “Do you hunt them?”

“Yes.” He said sharply. “Been tracking one this way for several days now. I am hoping it was the one…” He broke off, patting his crossbow. “Silver bolts. It will help.”

“Then let us move.” Inigo suggested, entering the cave, Silka at his side.

The orc followed, Lucien raising an eyebrow at me before he followed, and I brought up the rear.

The cave reeked of blood, and I frowned. I do not like this at all. We didn’t bother disguising our steps, so it was no surprise when a pair of thralls attacked us as we neared the first interior entrance. Inigo and Silka making short work of them, pressing through to the next room, the scent of blood increasing. About halfway through there was a snick of metal. Instinctively I threw myself to the side, rolling away from a cage dropping down, glancing to see that Silka and Inigo had similarly ducked away, leaving the orc and Lucien trapped in an iron barred cage.

“I’m impressed with your dexterity.” A male voice called, a Nord stepping into the room, smirking as he applauded mockingly as Inigo and I rose to our feet, Silka already facing him, pick and spell ready. His smile widened as he looked at her, several vampires and thralls coming out of the shadows to surround us. “You must be the healer. Such a small thing to cause such trouble for me. Alva was right though.” He sniffed the air. “You do smell so sweet. So much power in your blood. And that’s not even with fresh wounds. I cannot wait to see what you taste like.” He surveyed the rest of us. “Khajiit blood. Not my favorite but…” he jerked his head toward a pair of red eyed women. “They’ll enjoy you.” He frowned. “The caged ones. An Imperial and an Orc…. Oh, a Dawnguard Orc. How lovely. The last orc we drank from was a bit… off. But. Dawnguard. It’s so hard to decide if I should make you a Thrall or turn you.”

The orc grumbled something too low to hear and the vampire tilted his head back in a laugh. “Perhaps we’ll enthrall you and then decide. The Imperial. Scholar. Mm. Thrall then. You’ll record our coming conquest.” His gaze flicked over to me, and he frowned. “I can’t really tell what you are. Your blood smells… different. And your eyes. They’re as red as half my people but you live. Unless…” He licked his lips. “It has been a very long time since I last tasted one with Akaviri blood.”

“Now, you may be thinking me prideful, boasting, overconfident.” He laughed. “But you must admit, it was effective.” He waved his hand upward and I glanced up to see scaffolding surrounding the lower level, vampires and thralls with ranged weapons looking down at us.

Fuck. This is not going well.

To my surprise, and clearly to the surprise of the vampire and his group, Silka laughed. “You made one critical error Movarth.” She said brightly, a spell glowing on her fingertips. “You didn’t cast a silencing spell.” Tossing her hand upward and letting out a powerful war cry that nearly staggered me with its power; A quick glance telling me many of the thralls and vampires were running, evening the odds. Battle Cry with the Voice of a Dragonborn behind it is… impressive. “You also seem to have forgotten about a Nord’s ability to use Battle Cry. Too long as a vampire, old man?” She taunted as I moved swiftly to her side and Inigo drew Dawnbreaker, the vampire’s eyes tracking to the glowing sword, the first flickers of fear on his face.

“I have enough left here to fight you to your knees wench.” He hissed.

You’ll not lay a finger on her. Surging forward, Inigo at my side we struck out at the vampire, cursing as he moved past us easily, angling toward Silka.

“Feim” She whispered, moving swiftly, dashing and leaping, getting to the top of the cage, grabbing one of the chains and jumping onto it.

“How did…” He broke off as Inigo lunged toward him, backing away with a cry of rage, arching shock magic toward the Khajiit as I came in from the side.

“Fus Ro Dah!” Silka’s Shout threw a handful of combatants down to the ground level and then the cage was lifting, freeing Lucien and the Orc.

The rest of the thralls and vampires started moving, a quick glance informing me some were heading toward Silka, the rest for us as Inigo and I continued to battle the Master Vampire.

“Fus Ro Dah!”

The cage slammed back down and Silka was leaping down to it as the Master Vampire leaped onto it. Fuck.

“Feim.” Silka’s shout blocked him from grabbing her once again and he let out a frustrated shriek of rage.

Inigo flashed toward Lucien, Dawnbreaker flaring brightly in his hands, the sword burning every vampire it touched. The Orc stood at the Imperial’s side, his crossbow in his hands, methodically shooting bolts into any who approached, seeming to ignore the arrow lodged in his thigh.

Charging a pair of archers, I cut them down, glancing to see that Silka held the master vampire at bay with one of her spells, her face a mask of concentration as she blocked his magic. Thinking quickly, I sheathed my blade and drew my bow, loosing an arrow toward his side.

“Yol!” Silka Shouted, her fire Shout breaking past her ward and the magic he wielded to envelope him in flames as my arrow pierced his throat.

He staggered, trying to power another blood red spell, shivering, and collapsing as Silka brought her pick down on his neck. Bringing her weapon back to her shoulder she kicked the vampire’s body off the cage, Inigo darting forward to drive Dawnbreaker into him, watching it flame.

Chaos spread as several vampires lost strength and thralls lost the hold over them, some scattering, one turning on the vampires nearest her. The orc laughed, a deep throaty rumble as he reloaded his crossbow again. “Isran is going to love this story.” He rumbled. “Let’s clean up.”

Chapter Text

Chapter 31: Marks, Dawnguard and Decisions

Silka: Movarth’s Lair

“So, what is your name?” I asked as we cleared out another side cave, the Orc accounting for the vampire trying to rally the thralls around it.

“Durak.” He rumbled. “You are?”

“Silka.” I jerked my head toward Kaidan. “This is Kaidan. The Imperial is Lucien and the Khajiit is Inigo.”

“How did the Khajiit come to be carrying the blade of Meridia?” He asked, watching him cut down a fleeing vampire from a different side cave as we converged into what seemed to be a banquet hall.

“Don’t know yet.” I admitted. “We were separated for a while.”

He nodded his understanding, watching Inigo and Lucien converse in low tones. “We will check the last cave that we found. Do you want to wait in here in case we missed some?” Inigo called.

I nodded. “A good plan.” I responded.

“What are you collecting those for?” Durak asked as I lifted a bottle of blood off a table, wrinkling my nose at it.

“There’s a bard in Morthal. He was turned and then sent back to the city to give them a warning. The town wizard is working on a cure, but it’ll take a while.” I explained.

“What is the name of this wizard who can cure vampirism?” He asked, tossing me another bottle of blood.

“Falion.”

“Hm. I have not heard of him before, but if he can do what you say, this is another thing to report to Isran.”

“Who is Isran?” I asked, pausing as I heard a commotion, drawing a ward up as Alva leaped from yet another upper-level walkway, her face twisted, still bearing marks from my fire Shout.

“You Bitch!”

Moving back, I Shouted “Yol” as the Orc lifted his crossbow and fired a bolt. Frowning, I watched the young vampire turn to ash, my thoughts on the families she’d torn apart, comparing it to her last expression.

“Did she think I would feel bad for her?” I wondered as Kai moved to my side.

“Perhaps.” The Orc grumbled. “One never knows what a vampire is thinking. Particularly those who choose it as this one may have.”

“Are you ready to get out of here?” Kai asked. “This place reeks of death.”

“Gladly.” I turned to Durak again. “You’re welcome to walk with us. Falion may be able to give you more information about his cure. See if it’s worth bringing back to the Isran you keep mentioning.”

He nodded. “I will walk with you.” He agreed as Inigo and Lucien walked down a ramp to join us, a limping man walking with them.

As we neared the entrance, I considered the cave. “It is still possible we missed some.” I mused. “I wonder.” Moving to kneel by the entrance I paused as I noticed a flicker, watching it solidify into the form of a small girl.

“You got the other one.” She said softly. “She was in this cave sometimes. I can feel that she’s gone. Mama’s calling me now. Thank you.”

Kai sucked in a hard breath next to me, staring at the spot where she’d been. “That must have been Hroggar’s daughter.” He whispered. “I had wondered what happened to her. Now we know…”

“Now we know they died.” I finished, shaking my head. “Well, I’m going to cast as powerful a turn undead spell on the entrance as I can. It should keep any vampires we missed from escaping, long enough to weaken them at the very least so they’re easy targets, if not starve them outright.” It’s all they deserve after what they’ve done.

“And it should keep another from claiming it for some time. I will recommend to the Jarl of Morthal that they collapse this cave.” Durak rumbled as I pushed the magic into the rock.

“That’s probably the best idea.” I agreed. “I’m not looking forward to meeting with the Jarl.” I admitted. “She wanted us to bring back those of her people who were captured but…” I sighed, frowning over the number of newly dead we’d come across as we’d hunted for any other remaining vampires.

“I got lucky.” The man who Inigo and Lucien found said softly, walking into the sunlight, turning his face toward it. “Alva was talking about turning me into her thrall because she said she lost Hroggar. She kept another vampire from draining me when you killed her master.”

“Take this, just in case.” I suggested, handing him a cure disease potion. “And if you’d like, I have enough reserves I can heal most of your injuries.”

“Please.” He muttered.

Pulsing my magic through his battered body I cleared it of any undead taint I found, aided by the cure disease potion, watching the color return to his face. “You should be safe.” I told him, staggering slightly at the expenditure of magicka. I need rest. I’ve spent too much today.

“You should join the Dawnguard.” Durak suggested. “Any of you is welcome. We’re aiming to end the rising vampire menace.”

“I’m assuming the gear is based on the historical armor by the fact Movarth recognized you?” Lucien chirped. “He was, wow, he would’ve been turned sometime during the 2nd era if I’m remembering right.”

“Yes.” Durak rumbled. “Isran has been tracking their movements for some time as best as he is able. He was a Vigilant he tells me, but they did not believe that the vampire menace overshadowed the menace of all Daedra.”

“Where do you work out of?” The Morthal man asked. “They keep turning down my request to join the guard in Morthal and after this they might not trust that I won’t turn. Even with the healing.”

“Can you fight?” Durak asked.

“Some.” He responded. “I drill with the guard as often as they’ll let me. My name is Benor, by the way.”

“Well, Benor, I’ll be heading down to our keep near Riften after I see this wizard of Morthal’s. You are more than welcome to travel with me.” He looked at us. “Isran is our leader, he is the one who decided that the Dawnguard needed to be reformed.”

“Near Riften you said?” Inigo asked. “Then perhaps we should travel with you in that direction.”

“That would be good.” He responded. “I am curious to find out how you came to carry Dawnbreaker.”

“It is not the most riveting tale.” He responded. “But I will tell you when we make camp. If I remember.”

“You did what you were able.” The Jarl greeted as we stepped into the hall. “I am certain you will find the reward adequate.”

“Thank you, Jarl.” I said softly, burying my still slightly irritated feelings toward the woman.

You could have gotten us killed based on your visions. And you lost us precious travel time. Time I’m not sure we can make up.

She rose. “Now come. I promised you that you would hear of some of your fate. And I promised you I would tell you how to get rid of your Mark.”

Mark. I’m not entirely sure what she’s talking about but her comment on my not telling anyone means it could only have happened during… I swallowed hard, following her into another room.

“Young scholar. You will find more than you bargained for on Solstheim. Not all of it unwelcome.”

“Thanks.” Lucien murmured, looking confused.

“Khajiit. Do not fear the head pain when it comes. It will lead you to one who means you no ill will.”

“That does not sound promising.” He responded. “But ok.”

She smiled. “Go tell the Dawnguard man, Durak that he has my blessing to bring Benor to Riften. That I have some gold for them as well.” She looked at me. “You and your warrior stay. I do not think you want these two to overhear what I am about to say.”

“We will collect the dogs and be ready to leave.” Inigo said, squeezing my shoulder gently.

“Thank you.” I murmured.

The Jarl watched them go then turned to me. “If you had mentioned what happened to the wolves in Jorrvaskr they could have assisted you in ridding yourself of the mark much sooner.” She reprimanded, her tone chill.

“If it’s in regards to what I think it is, I did not see a way to bring it up without endangering my friends.” I responded delicately.

“You told them only that he harmed you. You did not explain entirely how.” She responded, her gaze unsettling with its directness.

“They saw the scars.” I protested. “And they can make inferences.”

“Yes. I have noticed that.” She responded. “But if you had explicitly told the wolves what he’d done they could have helped with the mark.” She scowled. “Child. When the wolf raped you, he left a mark that only magic, or another werewolf can remove. A mark that every other werewolf can smell when you don’t have your disguise spell active. A mark that the female wolf of Jorrvaskr and her mate scented but don’t dare approach you about.”

Kaidan slipped his arm around me, pulling me against his side as I frowned at the Jarl. “I didn’t want to dwell on it. I didn’t think…” I shook my head. “It’s been years. I didn’t think it would last this long if he had left… if he had left a mark.” I still don’t want to think about it. Fuck. Nevian. He ran into me before I remembered to use the spell. Fuck. I’m going to have to explain. No wonder he pressed me so hard in Falkreath.

“Of course, he would leave a mark. You proved yourself a worthy opponent when you were young. He heard of your exploits. He knew that as you aged you would only get stronger. He knew. Of course, he took steps to mitigate the threat you would be. And then he saw you again and he changed his plans. And now you are Dragonborn.” She chuckled and I flinched. “He will not cease his efforts to reclaim you until he is dead. He will never give up.”

“Then we’ll kill him.” Kaidan rumbled.

“It will be difficult, warrior. Your best places of refuge will be with the wolves of Jorrvaskr and the mages of Winterhold. And lest you think it is only enemies from her past who will threaten her...” She frowned. “Know that you were not the only one who survived that night. And the memory of the cult is long.”

He stiffened. “Who else?” He asked quietly. “Who else survived?”

“That I cannot See. They have the protection of a Daedric Prince. I dare not try to push past it.” She smiled again and I buried my grimace. “Best hope they do not meet the wolf. They would join forces. Even at the expense of alienating her brother.” She sighed. “That is a branch. A potential. But what you do will not affect it. Only what the cult does. And as I said, I cannot See them for you to be able to guess which way they will go.”

“He’s that obsessed?” I whispered. “Obsessed enough that he’d turn his back on Hircine to side with another Prince?” I shook my head. “Why?”

Kaidan sighed as the Jarl smirked. “Perhaps you would have to ask him.” She suggested.

“You really get off on this don’t you?” Kai asked, his voice harsh.

The Jarl’s face darkened. “Do not presume to know my mind warrior.” She snarled. “You overstep.”

“My apologies Jarl.” I said smoothly. “It has been a long few days.” Resting a hand on Kaidan’s side I gave her my best bard face. “If you’ll excuse us, we’ll get out of your way.” Shouldn’t have come here at all.

“Do. See Urag Gro-Shub in the Mages College for the spell that will sever the mark. Unless you would ask another werewolf to mark you, that’s your only option.” She said dismissively, walking smoothly away.

Kaidan’s grip on my waist tightened as he walked with me toward the door. I didn’t say anything until we stepped outside, turning as we found a quiet corner. “Kai.” I murmured, moving around in front of him, lifting a hand to rest on his cheek. “Love.”

Grasping my hand in his he kissed it, tucking it to his chest. “I won’t let him hurt you.” He whispered. “Not again. Never again.” Rage flickered in his eyes. “And if anyone from that Gods Damned Cult thinks they can target you they’ve got another thought coming.” He shook his head. “I thought them all dead. I thought it in the past. If my past brought you harm…” His shoulders sagged. “I’d never be able to forgive myself.”

I sighed. “How do you think I feel in regards to Daggvar?” I asked. “He wants to kill you. And I still…” I bit my lip. “I should’ve sent you away as soon as I knew he was searching again. I… couldn’t bring myself to.”

Wrapping his arms around me he kissed the top of my head. “And I’m glad you didn’t. The thought of a life without you. Silka. I can’t. I don’t want to try to fathom it.”

Feeling the coldness of his armor against my cheek I let myself sag into his strength. “I am sorry I did not tell you.”

“You knew of the mark?”

“Of course I did.” I whispered. “He explained it to me. In great detail.” Taking a few calming breaths, I continued. “I fought thinking about it. Even when I got my memories back, those I shied away from. I honestly thought that time would have taken care of it. I wasn’t exactly celibate. But…” I sighed. “No other werewolves.”

And considering the pain the werewolf would likely have to inflict to replace it, I wouldn't want to put someone I cared about in that position... werewolf marks are considered near-myth for a reason. I shivered, pushing the memories back once more.

“No?” He asked softly. “I almost thought…” He shifted uncomfortably as I glanced up at him.

“No. Farkas and I came close once. We were drinking.” I huffed a soft laugh. “But it was like trying to kiss Nev. We swore never to speak of it again.”

“I’m not going to pretend that doesn’t make me feel better about how close you are to the Companions.” He rumbled; his cheeks slightly reddened. “Not that… not that…”

I laughed. “Kai. There’s been no one since I met you.” I sobered. “And there’s no one who can compete with you. You’re the first man I’ve ever truly loved.”

“So, you’ve loved before then?” He asked, conflict in his eyes.

“I thought so, but…” I shook my head. “There was a warrior in the pack. He was sweet. For the pack. One of the squad leaders I kept getting lost.” Sighing, I frowned as I considered the man. “He was only too happy to accept a marriage contract with a woman from Daggvar’s pack. And I realized that it was the thrill of being with the troublemaker of the pack. The girl who’d defied the Hagravens not once, but twice and come away alive both times. He never loved me, and I realized, when I left, that I got over him too quickly for it to have been anything lasting on my end.” I shrugged a shoulder. “What about you?”

“Similar.” He admitted. “There’ve been a couple of times I thought I was in love. One of them hopefully won’t come back to haunt me…” He smiled, resting his hand against my cheek. “Nothing. Absolutely nothing I felt for them compares to what I feel for you.”

I flushed, feeling a rush of joy and love. “Love is… different than what I’d dreamed it to be.” I murmured. “Better. So much better. And yet… so much more frightening.”

He quirked an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“Yes. Knowing how I feel for you. It’s warming. It’s all encompassing. But I walk a dangerous road. The dragons and everything with the Pack, the Thalmor. The thought of losing you is terrifying.” I reached up, resting my hand on the back of his head. “But the thought of not holding onto every moment we have together is worse.” Lifting up slightly as he ducked his head, I closed my eyes as our lips met, letting myself just feel for a moment, pressing into him. “I will always bless the day I thought to check that prison for my stolen songs.” I whispered.

He laughed, pressing another kiss to my lips, lifting me off the ground. “Aye.” He agreed, pulling his head back, meeting my gaze. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” I sighed, content as I leaned my head onto his shoulder, feeling the cold metal bite into my cheek. “Alright, let’s go gather the others, get out of Morthal.”

“Let’s.” He agreed.

Labyrinthian

“Look out!” Durak called, drawing Inigo’s attention to the second Frost Troll bearing down on him.

Blue whined and darted behind Lucien, the Imperial throwing fireballs with an accuracy that I was pleased to see as I darted forward, whispering my armor spell, coming in below the swing at Inigo, slashing with my pick, dancing away, hearing Kaidan’s echoing battle cry as he cut down the first troll.

Benor darted in behind the second troll, bringing his battleax down on its back, its spine cracking with an audible sound.

“Let’s move quickly.” Durak suggested. “I wouldn’t be surprised if there are more trolls.”

“Seems a place they like.” Lucien agreed. “At least we know the fire spells are useful against them. I was worried they wouldn’t be like Cyrodiilic trolls, but they seem to be even more sensitive to fire.”

“They are Frost Trolls.” Inigo laughed, nocking an arrow when another one roared a challenge. “Of course, they’d be susceptible to fire.”

“Well, when you put it that way.”

I smiled, nocking my own arrow, loosing it into the same troll Inigo targeted, hearing Durak’s crossbow go off, a fireball catching its face.

“What’s got you so happy?” Kai asked, moving with me as that troll fell under our onslaught of projectiles.

“It’s nice hearing the banter.” I admitted, pointing out a fourth troll.

He frowned but didn’t say anything as we took it out and finally came out on the other side of the ruin.

“I would be interested in exploring the actual ruin someday.” Lucien chirped.

“It could be interesting. I wonder what about it attracted so many trolls.” I responded, moving over to the Imperial and giving him a friendly shoulder nudge. “You’ve gotten accurate with that fire spell.”

He flushed, grinning with my praise. “It was the easiest way to get through Meridia’s temple. Undead everywhere.”

“In Meridia’s temple?” Durak asked. “That seems wrong.”

“It was.” Inigo agreed. “That is why Meridia sent out her beacon.” His tail lashed. “And I happened to pick it up thinking it was a treasure.”

“That thing was loud.” Lucien piped up. “I’ll be happy if I never hear anything that loud again!”

“On that we’re in agreement.” Kai rumbled.

“Let’s find a place to rest around here. Cut across the tundra to Whiterun in the morning.” I suggested.

“A solid plan.” Durak agreed. “It is much harder to find wood further down the mountain.”

“Silka thinks about these things.” Lucien said easily. “She knows how to take care of things properly.”

I laughed. “Thank Lucien. I appreciate your confidence.” Looking out over the terrain I felt my thoughts turn darker. Except when I fail. Except when I fail to take into account that the Thalmor might want to control the Dragonborn. I need to bring myself to read those dossiers through. See what they know about me. Somehow, I don’t think I’ll like it.

“You work well together.” Durak complimented, finishing the fire, setting some rabbits to roast as we settled comfortably around it, Blue laying close to the fire, Meeko begging Lucien for food. “I can only hope that as the Dawnguard grows that we find the same level of camaraderie in our ranks.”

“I’d like that too.” Benor agreed. “I hope Isran likes me. It’d be nice to be part of something instead of always on the edges trying to get in.”

“Why didn’t they let you onto the guard?” Lucien asked. “If you don’t mind saying?”

“It was my father’s fault.” He said quietly. “He was a guard. A mean drunk. Everyone knew it but he was always so apologetic about it afterward. Played jovial. So, when I applied, they told me they couldn’t risk having someone like him in the ranks again. Even though I’ve never been a mean drunk. Not ever.”

“How do you know?” Durak asked softly.

“Because I don’t let myself get drunk.” He explained. “I… I have a temper. I know that. Repeatedly being kept away from the guard didn’t help. I thought maybe, if I didn’t get drunk, I could prove that I was different.”

“But they did not see it.” Inigo supplied. “That is rough.”

“Tell us more about the Dawnguard please Durak?” Lucien asked. “How did you come to join?”

I rose, nodding slightly when they looked at me. “I’m going to do a quick scout with the dogs. Check for Falmer or bandits.” I murmured. “Please carry on.”

Kai frowned and rose as well, moving to my side as I left the firelight. My heart ached as I walked, hearing the laughter, the murmurers of commiseration as the Orc explained what brought him to join the vampire hunters.

“Silka.” Kai murmured, reaching a hand out toward me. “What’s wrong?”

“Just a lot on my mind.” I responded, stepping into his offered embrace, tilting my head up toward the sky. “I’ll be alright.”

He sighed. “Love. I can’t help you, if you won’t talk to me about it.” He murmured.

“My grandfather always told me that time cured all.” I felt a tear track down my cheek. “Apparently he was wrong.”

“Love.”

I pulled away, walking through the grass and snow aimlessly. “Kai. Do you remember how Nev pushed me? Back in Falkreath?”

“When you’d just gotten your memories back. Yeah. What of it?”

“Now I know why he pushed.” I turned, “Why didn’t he just tell me it was there? I thought. I tried to convince myself the mark was a myth. I know Daggvar explained it to me, but…” I shook my head. “I thought he was lying to me. Trying to make me think escape was pointless. The thought that anything ties me to that bastard. I… And the. Kaidan.” I bit my lip hard. “He gave the Thalmor the suppressing cuffs. He designed them. They work on my Shouts. They…” I stopped, trying to breathe through the tears. “I… I swore I would never be that helpless again and there’s… they said they were going to tell him.” I covered my face with my hands, dropping to my knees. “I can’t go through that again. I barely survived last time.”

Kai dropped down next to me, the dogs crowding in around us. “Silka. Darling. Look at me.” He whispered, lifting my chin carefully. “I’m here. I won’t let him hurt you.”

“Kaidan.” You don’t understand. You don’t understand. He’ll kill you on sight if he can. Why didn’t I protect you? Why didn’t I just send you away? Why am I so Gods Damned selfish? Shor. Kyne. I can’t. This man. I can’t lose this man. Leaning into his embrace I rested my cheek against his armor. Don’t let Daggvar take him from me. Don’t let the Thalmor get to him.

“I’m here.” He murmured, pulling me into his lap. “It’ll take time love. What the Thalmor did to you.” He sighed, kissing the top of my head. “I was so slow.” He murmured. “They got to you because they figured out what to press. They figured out how you would react to others getting hurt.” He swallowed. “We’ll go to the college. We’ll stay in Whiterun until we beat him off and then we’ll go to the college. We have a couple weeks left. We can make it.”

“No.” I whispered.

“No?” The alarm was evident in his voice, and I ached to hear it.

“The Thalmor are after someone in Riften. We have to try; if they haven’t made it there already; we have to try to get him out.”

“That will take us well past the time.” He pointed out; his voice thick with worry.

“I know. But…” I twisted in his arms, staring up at the sky. “If I can stop even one person from going through what they did to me, it will be enough.”

Chapter Text

Chapter 32: Blades and Thieves

Kaidan: Riverwood

“What took so long?” Delphine greeted, narrowing her eyes as we filed into the hidden room.

“Doesn’t matter.” Silka responded. “It happened.”

Angling her head slightly she dropped a handful of dossiers down on the table. “Most important one here is on a man named Esbern. I know where to find him. I just need to know how to get him out. And where to bring him where he’ll be safe.”

“Huh. I thought the old bastard would have been dead by now. Always going on about the end of the world and all that…” She frowned. “I suppose he had a point. As to getting him to trust you... Ask him where he was on 30th of Frostfall. He’ll know what it means.”

“And where to take him?” She asked, the tension in her shoulders the only sign of her discomfort.

“Bring him back to Riverwood. I’ll clear out the mine just behind town. It has multiple entrances, so it’ll be safe to bring him there.”

“Alright.” She agreed, moving toward the door.

“Dragonborn.” Delphine called. “What else happened?” She asked. “Why did it take so long?”

“That is none of your concern Blade.” She responded, the acid dripping from her voice concerning me.

“The Blades serve the Dragonborn.” She shot back, staring at Silka’s back. “How can I serve you if you won’t tell me what happened?”

“If the Blades serve the Dragonborn, then accept my response.” She snapped, “We’ll be back as soon as we’re able.”

Moving up the steps as Delphine sighed noisily behind us, she shook her head. “I think you were right Kai.”

Most likely. But then, I can understand why she thought she ’d get away with it. You gave the impression of being much more malleable when we last spoke with her. Before the Thalmor.

“Did you want to go over any of the Dossiers in the lodge tonight?” She asked, accepting my extended hand, squeezing it gently.

“Yes.” I responded. “We need to see what they know about you.”

“I suppose that’s true.” She agreed. “I don’t really want to know though.”

“Sweetheart.” I whispered, pulling her closer to me. “Would you rather I read through it and just tell you what it says?”

She shook her head. “Part of me wants to take you up on that but I need to know.” She shrugged. “I just don’t want to know.”

Reaching the lodge we stepped inside, Lucien and Inigo rising from their seats immediately.

“What did she say?” Lucien asked, shaking his head when I glanced around. “Durak and Benor opted to press on.” He explained, answering my unvoiced question. “The mill owner stopped us as we were headed this way to ask about the Dawnguard patrol that passed through this morning. He decided to see if they could catch up to them.”

“That’s a relief.” Silka murmured. “It was going to be a tight fit in here. Delphine told us how to get Esbern to trust us. We’ll have to see if it works.”

“That would be good.” Lucien agreed. “I’ve been meaning to ask you. Do you think you could help me figure out what I’m doing wrong with my armor spells? I can’t seem to get it to take hold.”

Shaking my head, I moved toward the food stores as Silka moved to join the Imperial at the table. Mages. I thought, rolling my eyes. Ah, but one of them is Your mage. Pausing with the thought I half turned, leaning against the shelf, watching Silka sketching a diagram while she explained it to the Imperial. Aye. My mage. I frowned, turning back to the food stores. It didn’t turn out so well the last time I was involved with a mage, but this time. This time the danger isn’t the mage herself, but those who would harm her.

“What are you thinking about?” Inigo asked, coming close to me. “You seem concerned.”

“You shouldn’t be surprised.” I grumbled. “It’s less than a month until the end of the promise.”

“We’ll barely make it to Riften with a day to spare.” He agreed. “We should ask her to just wait in Whiterun. Let us run this errand as originally planned before the weather and Daedra delayed us.”

“Think it would work?” I asked, lifting an eyebrow.

“Not if we have to talk to the Thieves Guild to find the man. Which we do.” Silka interrupted, looking over at us with an arched brow.

“Planning to ask Brynjolf?” Inigo asked, crossing his arms.

She huffed out a short laugh. “Or Dirge. Maybe Maul. Who else would I ask? Mercer? I’d like to survive the trip to Riften thanks.”

“This is true.” Inigo agreed. “He is still angry with you?”

“Last time we were in Riften I was informed that he’d met with Daggvar and Sarlfi. So, whether he’s angry with me or not doesn’t matter.”

“Why would they meet with a thief?” Lucien asked, frowning over the diagram.

“No idea.” Silka responded. “And I don’t care to ask.”

“Control.” Inigo suggested. “He did not like that you worked out a deal to learn skills without joining the guild itself. You kept yourself outside of his control.”

She shook her head. “Which makes no sense Inigo, and you know it. They had other auxiliaries. Did they get the same response?”

Inigo shrugged. “Do you want my opinion or are you just grumbling?” He asked.

“Just grumbling.” She responded, pressing her hands to her back and stretching. “Delphine irritated me.”

“Did she give you information on where we’re supposed to bring this Esbern after we rescue him?” Lucien asked.

“The mine behind town.” I grumbled. “And only the password to get him to trust us. No suggestions on how to find him.”

“I got more information when I was in the Embassy.” Silka said softly, toying with a strand of her hair. “From the man who tricked Etienne. Which is why I said we needed to speak with the Thieves Guild.” Shaking her head she moved away from us, heading toward the stairs.

“You alright boss?” Lucien asked, his expression worried.

She shook her head. “Etienne’s never harmed anyone. Beyond his thieving I suppose, but… what they did to him…”

“I’m sorry.” He responded as I moved toward her.

“It’s alright Lucien. Just. We’ll need to look out for each other in Riften. Thalmor hospitality is… painful.” Swallowing hard she headed up the stairs.

“I didn’t mean…” Lucien started.

I held up a hand. “You didn’t. It will take time. She needs time to heal. Time that we don’t currently have.”

“Why don’t Inigo and I go across to the inn and get something from Orgnar?” Lucien suggested. “We’ll bring something back for you two to eat, but this way you get a chance to check on her without interruptions.”

“Thank you.”

He nodded, moving away from the table, Inigo heading toward the door. I watched them go before heading up the stairs, finding Silka lying on the bed, her face buried in the pillow, shoulders shaking.

Striding across the room I shed my armor, sitting down and twisting, gathering her into my arms. "Darling.” I whispered. “I’m here.”

“It was so much worse than the first time.” She responded, pushing back from me and meeting my eyes. “So much worse.”

“Darling.”

“Just have to keep pushing forward.” She said, giving me a watery smile.

“I’ve got you love.” I promised, kissing her forehead. “I’ve got you.” I wish you didn’t have to push it down. I wish you could face it now. But when the day comes that you’re able to deal with it. I’ll be there.

Silka sighed, sitting the Dossier onto the table in front of her, poking at the rest of her meal as the rest of us gathered around. “We did get the Dossier on Viarmo to the Bard’s College as you asked.” Lucien said. “In case we forgot to tell you that.”

“Thank you.” She murmured, opening it, shifting a pile of letters out of the pages. “Let’s see what they know.”

Leaning over the page next to her I skimmed it, feeling worry bite at me at how detailed it was.

Silka

Status: Fugitive (Capture Only), Highest Level Priority.

Description: Female, Nord Dragonborn, Bard, Mid 20s. Hair: Brown-red, Eyes: Hazel. Werewolf scars on both arms. Burn scar on left cheek. Claw marks on left cheek. 

Background: Silka was brought to our attention by her father Lorse, a werewolf asset operating out of Falkreath, when she was abducted by two Blade Agents as a child. Of the two agents: Azalet and Lamrika, it is known that Azalet is deceased and Lamrika ’s whereabouts are unknown.

Silka ’s mother is the Blade Agent Kirsir, who has since been neutralized by the Hagravens who work with Lorse. It is believed, however, that she passed on much of her heretical knowledge to her child. In an attempt to better control her actions, a marriage contract was drawn up for the Werewolf Daggvar after which she vanished for several years, surfacing again at the Bard’s College under the protection of the Race Traitor Viarmo.

Silka was briefly detained by Justiciar Cyrelion after being found with songs related to both the Akaviri and the Blades. When questioning triggered a spell that wiped her memory, she was sent to the Nord Village of Helgen. She escaped when the dragon attacked and has been at large since.

Silka keeps journals written in a text that some suspect to be code, but others suspect to be a language. As such, her belongings must be transported with her when she is apprehended.  

Since escaping Helgen Silka has been verified to be what the Nords call Dragonborn. Humans capable of performing great feats of magic using what is known as the Thu ’um or Voice. Care must be taken when apprehending her. It is recommended to use paralysis spells as soon as one has a clear shot. Use suppressing cuffs in the hopes they will sever her access to her shouts as well as rendering her magic out of reach. 

Known Associates: As the child of a Blade Agent, and a Dragonborn, we must be on the lookout for Blade Agents to flock to her side. She is known to be traveling with an escaped prisoner, Kaidan. It is preferred to capture him as well, but the main point of interest is his sword. Her other associates are a Khajiit called Inigo, and an Imperial scholar called Lucien Flavius. If possible, Flavius is to be merely incapacitated, my sources tell me he spooks easily so a night or two in a holding cell should be enough to send the message that he is not welcome in Skyrim.  

Update: We have worked out a deal with the Werewolf Daggvar. He has permission to request the aid of three of our elite squads in order to capture the Dragonborn. As he perfected the Suppressing Cuffs and shared their blueprint freely, we will give him a chance to control Silka himself.

Leaning back in my chair I closed my eyes for a long moment. Too much. They know too much.

“May we see?” Inigo asked, reaching a hand toward the dossier.

Silka nodded slightly, pushing it toward him. “Be my guest.” She murmured as I opened the first of the bundle of letters.

Ambassador Elenwen                                                                            15 Frostfall

     There is a matter that makes capturing and subduing Silka a bit more… pressing. Upon confronting her recently, not only was she accompanied by the fugitive Bounty Hunter Kaidan, but she is what us Nords call Dragonborn. She can take a Dragon’s soul. I was witness to this myself. It is a guarantee that both General Tullius and Ulfric Stormcloak will attempt to sway her to their side of the Civil War conflict. As such a thing would cause great harm to your interests here in Skyrim, I highly recommend declaring her a higher priority target. I have no qualms about your punishing her should you capture her first. These last six years have undoubtedly given her far too many inappropriate ideas of personal freedom. I do not yet know if the Suppressing Cuffs will work on her Shouts.

-Daggvar.

Punishment? You call torture, punishment? If that’s your idea of it… I glanced up at Silka, What do you have planned should I fail to protect her?

Grimacing, I skimmed the rest of the letters quickly and scowled at them. They go back years. To the time of the marriage contract and her subsequent escape I’d wager. No wonder the dossier is so complete. He gave them everything he knew about her. Resting my hand on the letters when Silka reached for one, I shook my head. “You don’t need to read these. You don’t. Just know that they’re from Daggvar and leave it at that.”

“So, he was in contact with them the whole time.” She whispered, lowering her head to her arms. “I worried that would prove to be the case.”

“They know a lot about you.” Lucien said softly. “It worries me that they don’t mention wanting to keep Inigo alive. Puts him in the most danger of getting killed outright.”

“This is true.” Inigo agreed. “But they will not take any of us down without a fight.”

Silka nodded slightly, pushing back from the table. “Let’s get some sleep. We need to get to Riften as quickly as we can.”

The Bee and Barb

“Silka. Are you certain about this?” I asked softly as she signaled something to the red-headed man I recognized from our last visit.

“I am.” She responded. “No one knows the Ratway better than he does.” She added softly, moving toward the stairs.

I moved with her, Blue and Meeko watching us from next to Inigo, seemingly content to stay with him. 

Stepping into the small room I sat down on the bed, shifting to the side so she’d have plenty of room to sit when she was ready. She gave me an appreciative smile but paced around the room, her face drawn with nerves and fatigue.

A soft knock at the door brought relief to her face and she crossed it and let Brynjolf in. “Bryn.” She said softly. “I’m glad to see you. I need a favor.”

He smirked. “A favor, eh Lass? What do we get in return?”

“That’s a valid question.” Silka responded, moving over to the window, leaning against the wall. “We’re hoping to spring the old man from the Ratway before the Thalmor can get to him.”

“An admirable goal.” He responded easily. “Now…” He broke off as the door opened.

I rested my hand on my sword, staying still when Silka signaled to me as a Breton man entered the room. “So, it’s true.” He said easily. “You do have a bodyguard now.” He snorted. “You think you’re so important?”

“Hello Mercer.” Silka responded, her tone hard. “What do you want?”

“You and Brynjolf were about to make another deal with my thieves guild without my input. That’s not going to happen.”

“Help us or not. That’s your prerogative.” She responded shortly. “We’ll still be able to complete our goal.”

He smirked. “What goal would that be?” He asked.

“Pulling someone out of the Ratway before the Thalmor can get to them.” Brynjolf explained. “We were just about to come to an agreement.”

Mercer chuckled and I scowled, my distaste toward the man increasing with every word and sneer. “That won’t work. You want information? You’ll do the Goldenglow job for me.”

“You’re serious?” Brynjolf asked. “Vex couldn’t get in there and she’s our best at that kind of work.”

“Serious as the dead. If the owner gets in your way, kill him. Brynjolf…” He smiled. “Go with her. Prove you still have what it takes. Don’t forget to burn a couple of the hives.” With a snort he moved to the door and opened it. “I suggest you move quickly. The Thalmor will be down there soon, I’m sure.” He smiled. “If they’re not already there.”

Brynjolf sighed, scrubbing at his face with his hands. “What’s he got against you Brynjolf?” Silka asked softly.

He shook his head. “I wish I knew. I know his problem with you was that you were an auxiliary who had no interest in joining. But… I’m not sure lass. He gets into these moods sometimes.”

“Moods that could get you killed.” She pointed out.

“Who is he to the Guild?” I asked, curious why Brynjolf seemed to be kowtowing to the man.

“He’s the Guild Master.” Brynjolf responded, shaking his head. “He took over after the last Guild Master’s lover murdered him and vanished.”

“Y’know. Sometimes I wonder if Karliah didn’t plan to shoot Mercer and missed.” I grumbled.

“I could see that.” He responded. “How did you want to do this? Did you want to break in?”

Silka considered it. “Why is this job a thing? What happened to make him hate Aringoth so much?”

“He’s not upholding the deal he had with the Thieves Guild.” Brynjolf explained. “We need to find out why. Our patron is furious.”

“I understand that. Has anyone talked to him?” She asked.

“He’s fortified the island. Has over a dozen mercenaries.” Brynjolf explained.

“Alright. Well, I’m going to go talk to him.” She said decisively. “See if I can’t figure out what’s going on.”

“Lass.” Brynjolf started.

She shook her head. “Hold off on the burning. Actually.” She rocked back on her heels. “Both of you should come with me. Just give me a moment to get changed and write a note.” She mused, pulling her writing case out of her pack, scratching down a quick letter. “Bryn, can you get this to someone to bring to Goldenglow?”

“You know I can. Lass, this seems dangerous.”

“And breaking in would be more dangerous.” She responded, blowing sand across the letter to dry the ink faster, folding it up.

“Alright. I’ll trust you.”

She smiled. “Thanks Bryn.”

He nodded slightly and accepted the letter from her, moving swiftly to the door. Turning toward me, she gave me a sad smile. “I’m sorry you’re getting roped into this.” She murmured. “I don’t know what’s going on with Mercer. And frankly I’m not sure I want to.”

Pulling her onto my lap I kissed her lightly on the mouth. “We’ll figure it out love.” I promised.

She smiled, rising to her feet and shedding her armor, pulling a dress out of her pack, shaking it to get the worst of the wrinkles out before pulling it over her head and tying her hair back. “Let’s get going.” She murmured, reaching a hand out toward me.

I grasped it gently, studying her. “You look good in that dress.” I complimented, marveling at how quickly she’d pulled it together.

She smiled. “Thank you.”

Wonder if she’d wear dresses more often if we had somewhere to rest. Following her down the stairs, nodding to Brynjolf as he joined us, I shifted the thought to the side for now. Think about it after you’ve dealt with Daggvar.

The mercenaries at the front gate of the estate watched us suspiciously as we approached. “You’re the Dragonborn?” One of them asked, looking Silka over, his brow furrowed.

“I could prove it if you’d like.” She responded softly, tilting her head.

“That’s alright.” He muttered, rapping on the gate. “Boss is expecting you. Stay with Traster.” He ordered, a lean Breton standing in the gateway.

“Of course.” Silka agreed.

I frowned, trying to work out exactly how many men we’d be facing if things went South. If this goes bad, we’re going to get hurt. We may be able to escape but it’s not going to be easy.

Glancing at Silka I smiled to see her seemingly unperturbed. Of course she’d lean on her Bard face. Makes sense for this situation.

Walking into the Manor I frowned as Brynjolf glanced around. Don’t make things worse thief.

“Upstairs.” Traster grumbled, leading the way. “Not sure why he agreed to meet with you.” He added, low enough I wasn’t sure if we were supposed to hear.

“Maybe he’ll enlighten you.” Silka responded, her tone serene.

Opening a door, the Breton looked in. “Master Aringoth. The Dragonborn and her bodyguards to see you.”

“Of course.” A frightened voice responded. “Send them in.”

“Aringoth.” Silka greeted, striding through the door. “What happened?”

“Silka?” Aringoth asked. “Are you still with?” He frowned on seeing Brynjolf, sighing deeply. “I see.”

“I don’t.” Silka said softly. “Please explain it to me.”

Straightening, he shook his head. “No. My new employer will kill me.”

“Mercer already wants to kill you.” She pointed out, perching on the edge of a chair.

He sighed. “I suppose that’s true. I didn’t see her face. But it’s someone who wants to see Mercer taken down. Claims she has proof that he killed Gallus.” He frowned. “As Gallus was a personal friend…”

“You decided to help.” Brynjolf supplied. “Well, I’m curious to see their proof.”

“How long would it take you to move bees from three of your hives?” Silka asked.

His brow furrowed then he sighed. “He wants you to burn some doesn’t he?”

“Yes.”

He frowned. “You really want to find out? This isn’t just to lull me into false security?”

“We’ll need a copy of the bill of sale to show Mercer and of course the hives but no. We need to know.” Brynjolf murmured.

“Alright.” He agreed. “Alright. I’ll mark which hives can be burned. As much as I hate to lose them, there are a few already set to the side that have some mite problems. You’d be helping me in the long run.”

“I’ll take care of that.” Brynjolf murmured, staring down at the sketch the Bosmer quickly sketched, nodding slightly and moving out of the room swiftly, his footsteps making no sound.

“I’m risking a lot trusting you.” Aringoth said softly, “The safe is downstairs.”

“You are. And I appreciate it.” Silka responded, following after him.

I brought up the rear, the Breton falling in step beside me. “You’re the Bounty Hunter Kaidan, right?” He asked.

“Yes.”

“A man came through recently asking about you. Information gathering. Seemed disappointed that you hadn’t been in Riften in months.”

“Did he leave a name?”

He shook his head. “He didn’t. But I saw him again the other day. He might seek you out.”

“What does he look like?”

He considered it, frowning as he watched Silka and Aringoth speaking in hushed tones by the safe. Taller than me, shorter than you. Nord. Dark hair. Light eyes didn’t get a good look at the color. Greatsword, chain and leather armor.”

Daggvar. Asking questions about me. Curious.

Silka turned away from the safe as a cry went up outside. “That’d be Bryn finishing his work.” She said softly.

“Which means it’s time for you to go.” Aringoth said sharply.

She inclined her head slightly and moved swiftly toward the stairs with me. Now let’s just hope none of these mercenaries report back to Mercer.

“What do you make of all this?” Silka asked as Brynjolf joined us, passing the bill of sale over to him.

“I’m not entirely sure yet. That was all a bit too easy with Aringoth.” He responded, “It’s possible it’s your reputation as Dragonborn but…” He blew out a long breath. “If Mercer was behind Gallus’ death, I need to know but it would explain why he seems to occasionally have fits of temper.”

“Oh?”

“There are patterns. Anytime Gallus is mentioned anywhere he can overhear it sets him off. He claimed it was due to the reopening of old wounds.” He sighed. “And anytime anyone said something about how rough things have been it would set him off as well, he took it as a personal insult.”

“Understood.” She paused, turning to me. “What do you think Kaidan?”

“Sounds like someone with a guilty conscience.” I responded. “What do you need to do now?”

“We need to bring this information to Mercer. Could you collect Inigo, Lucien and the hounds and meet me in the Ragged Flagon? Inigo knows where it is.”

I frowned. I don’t want to no. I don’t want to leave your side.

“It’ll be fine Kai. Brynjolf will be with me the whole time.”

“Silka. Do you remember the last time you told me something would be fine?” I asked softly, memories from Northwatch flooding to the forefront of my mind.

“Yes.” She whispered.

“Mercer will likely ask you to wait outside or in another room.” Brynjolf warned. “But, I’ve a feeling you’ve a valid reason for wanting to come along.” He frowned. “Maybe once this is all over, we can exchange tales.”

“I can handle waiting outside.” I agreed, reaching out and grasping Silka’s hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. 

Chapter Text

Chapter 33: Thwarting Plans

Silka: Riften

“You’ve got my back Bryn?” I whispered, stepping into Mercer’s mansion, uncomfortable with having to leave Kaidan outside with Vald.

“Yes lass.” He responded, reaching out to nudge my arm. “It’ll be fine. It’s just Mercer.”

I grimaced. Yeah, just Mercer.

Walking into Mercer’s office I felt a small hint of relief when I spotted the map on his desk.

He turned away from the far wall to face us. “It’s done?” He asked.

“Just like you asked Mercer. And done clean, no unnecessary death.”

A flicker of annoyance crossed Mercer’s face and I frowned. “Good.” He said harshly. “Now. You want that information, right?” He asked, giving me a mocking look.

“Those were the terms.” I pointed out, keeping my voice as even as possible.

“They were.” He agreed. “But you have to admit…” He lifted his hand, holding out a wanted poster. “The reward if I keep you here for just one more day is mighty tempting. What could you offer me to compare to that price?”

“Mercer.” Brynjolf started.

“Stay out of it Brynjolf.” Mercer snapped. “This is between me and the Dragonborn.” His eyes narrowed. “And her fiancé.”

Shaking my head I turned deliberately toward the map, leaning over it as my spine tingled with nerves. Not safe to turn my back on him but I trust Brynjolf to keep his word. “Wasn’t the whole point of the Goldenglow job because someone broke their deal with the Thieves Guild?” I asked, straightening when I heard soft footsteps, whirling when they were broken off with a gurgling gasp, watching Mercer stagger, an arrow in his throat and a crossbow bolt in his heart, a spell fizzling from one hand, a knife dropping from the other.

Who shot the arrow? I stared at the Thief as he blinked at the projectiles. “Kar…?” He gurgled, slumping to his knees, falling backward to the floor.

I turned to Brynjolf who was staring up into the rafters at a hooded and cloaked figure. “What did I miss?” I asked.

“I am surprised you turned against him Brynjolf.” The hooded figure said, jumping down, turning to face the thief, pulling her hood off to reveal a Dunmer woman.

 “I told Silka I would watch her back.” He responded, his voice hard. “And you? What prompted you to turn on him?”

She shook her head. “He killed Gallus. Do I need any other reason?”

Turning back to the map I traced the route that would be quickest to Esbern, half listening to Brynjolf demanding proof from the Dunmer, her suggesting he search his house and body, see what he would find.

I turned to Brynjolf. “Thank you.”

He nodded slowly. “I wasn’t expecting it to end like this Lass.” He said softly, moving forward to crouch by Mercer’s body. “I’m surprised his mercenaries haven’t come in here yet.”

“Those who were not already bribed were taken care of.” The Dunmer said quietly. “I had been planning a confrontation. I had not expected him to have company.”

“What is this?” Brynjolf murmured, holding a small object flat on his palm, lifting it toward me. “It looks like…”

“The Skeleton Key.” I completed, recognizing it from sketches.

“Yes.” The Dunmer said softly. “He stole it from Nocturnal, cutting thieves off from our luck in the process; by trapping Her in Her realm.”

“Wonder if it works.” Brynjolf mused, rising, and moving over to a cupboard, opening it and running his fingers along the back panel, pulling it free to reveal the front of a safe. “Now Mercer spares no expense when it comes to his safes.” He said quietly. “But if the legends are true and this is the Skeleton Key…” He murmured, sticking it into the lock, tilting his head slightly as the tumblers moved into place with an audible click. “Huh.” He murmured, looking at the stacks of papers in front of him, pulling one out from the middle and opening it, skimming through it as I watched the Dunmer. “If these numbers are accurate.” He whispered.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, rolling up the map and sticking it in my bag.

“If these number are accurate than Mercer has been stealing from the Guild for years. I need to show these to Delvin.” He explained before turning to the Dunmer. “You’re coming too. We have a great many questions that we’ve been wanting to ask you for years now.”

“I am sorry.” She said softly. “About how I left. About not coming back and disputing his claims.”

“We’ll discuss it in the Flagon.” He turned to me, moving closer. “You turned your back on him deliberately, didn’t you?” He whispered, a flicker of betrayal on his face.

I sighed. I’m sorry Bryn. “Yes.”

“He was my mentor after Gallus died.” He muttered, staring down at the dead thief. “I may not have liked him toward the end… but I’d trusted him to want to do good by the guild.”

“I’ll come back sometime.” I promised. “We’ll discuss everything.” I’ll try to answer any questions.

He nodded, clapping me on the shoulder. “I’ll hold you to that Lass. I’ll hold you to it.”

“Bout time you got out here.” Vald grumbled. “Your lover over there was about to climb the walls.”

I smiled. “Good to know.” Moving away from him I reached a hand out for Kaidan, smiling up at him. “I know where he’s at.” I told him, squeezing his hand gently when he grasped it. “Let’s get moving.”

He nodded, easily keeping pace with me. “Stick close to me.” I told him, leading him toward the back entrance to the Cistern. “I’ve only got the one marker for passage through the Guild.” I explained.

“Lucien and Inigo?” He asked.

“We’ll collect them on our way out. If Inigo didn’t already drag them down there.” I responded. “I want to get this done as quickly as possible.”

“What happened with the Thief?”

“Oh, the usual, threats of backstabbing, condescending assholery.” I frowned. “Little more to it this time but I’ll explain later.” I murmured, crouching by the stone, hitting the release switch, watching it slide back, feeling an inexplicable surge of nostalgia as it ground open.

“I figured they had a back entrance.” Kai murmured, following me into the ground.

Stifling a laugh, I led him inside, looking around the cistern, watching the thieves become alert, startling when a splotchy, three-legged hound sprinted away from a bed toward us. “Blue?” I asked, rubbing her ears when she jumped up to greet me, Inigo and Lucien getting up from the bed they’d been sitting on, Meeko waving his tail as he walked with them. So, Inigo did want to come back in here. Wonder if he’s as nostalgic about it as I am.

“Silka!” Etienne called, waving from near the training area. “You escaped the Thalmor!”

I winced but nodded. “Yes. It’s good to see you looking less starved Etienne.” I greeted. “We don’t have long. Just down here to collect someone before the Thalmor reach him.” I said honestly. Yes. I need to come back here sometime. I didn’t realize how much I missed this place.

“Heard Mercer set you on the Goldenglow job.” Delvin called. “Brynjolf make it back ok?”

“He did. He’ll be down here soon. There were some… unexpected complications.”

The older thief spat to the side. “Always are lately.” He grumbled as I tugged Kaidan toward Lucien and Inigo.

“Assassin.” Inigo explained. “With a Thalmor note.”

“Damn it.” Kaidan swore.

“Let’s get moving then.” I responded. “You’re both ok?”

“We’re fine.” Lucien responded. “Meeko took her out before we even realized she was there.”

“Good dog.” Kaidan praised softly, following Inigo and I through the tunnels as Delvin began a loud argument with Vex about curses.

“Delvin’s never going to let that curse talk go.” I murmured, crouching automatically as we entered the Ratway, listening hard. Breathing out a sigh of relief as all I heard was Skeevers and the usual denizens, I led the way.

“So, you’ve found me at last.” A steady voice said from behind the locked door. “I will not be taken without a fight.”

“Good.” I responded. “Delphine wants to know where you were on the 30th of Frostfall.”

Silence stretched for a long moment before bolts started scraping against metal and the light hiss of magical wards unraveling met my ears. After several long moments the door swung inward and an old man peered at us, his brow furrowed. “What does Delphine want?”

“Information.” I responded.

“On?”

“Dragons.”

He sighed. “It doesn’t matter. Without a Dragonborn there’s no point. Alduin will devour us all.”

“Then it’s a good thing we have a Dragonborn then, isn’t it?” Lucien asked cheerfully.

He startled, peering between each of us. “Which… who would claim that mantle?”

“We’ll explain once we’ve gotten you out of here.” I said quietly. “We’ve got Thalmor after all of us. We need to move. And we need to move now.”

“Alright.” He agreed, moving back into his room. “You might as well come in.”

Filtering in after him I stared around the room, marveling at the number of books. “Some books here I don’t want to fall into Thalmor hands.” He explained as he kept bustling back and forth, filling a sack with various goods and a handful of books. “Tell me about the Dragonborn. Are they a good fighter?” He asked, settling the bag on his shoulders.

“They are an excellent fighter.” Inigo responded, grinning when I rolled my eyes behind the old Blade’s back.

“One of the best I’ve met.” Kaidan added, smiling down at me when I shook my head. “Let’s get moving.” He added.

Esbern nodded, then sighed, looking around the small room. “It’s not much…” He murmured. “But it was home.”

Signaling to the others to move I ushered them out ahead of Esbern, giving him time to say goodbye to the room that had sheltered him for so long.

Between Riften and Riverwood

“Silka.” Kaidan whispered, coming to sit by me. “I won’t let him hurt you.” He murmured, reaching out to grasp my hand.

I looked up from the spell tome. You say that, but… I looked at the others chatting by the fire, Inigo explaining in soft tones what Esbern needed to know in order to keep safe. “Kaidan.” I said softly. “This spell that I got from the Druid.” I bit my lip. “There’s another way to cast it.”

“What’s the catch?” He asked immediately, his muscles stiffening. “You speak like there’s a catch.”

“A small one.”

“How small?”

“If I mark a specific rune on someone’s skin, they will be teleported with me without my needing to make a circle.” I took a deep breath and plowed on, knowing he wouldn’t like it. “But it requires me to draw it in blood and it takes more magicka to cast.”

“Blood?” He repeated, his expression closed.

I nodded. “Yes. It’s to keep someone from knowing the spell and adding the rune to their own skin. Specifically, it requires the spellcasters blood.”

“Further weakening you?” He asked, his eyebrows raised skeptically.

“Nothing a potion couldn’t fix.” I responded, closing my eyes, breathing out slowly. “I want to do it.” I whispered. “I want to have a way out. In case we’re too badly outnumbered. It still takes time to cast the spell but there would be no need for a circle. And it would work on the dogs too.”

His jaw tightened and he tugged me into him, wrapping his arms around me and kissing the top of my head. “I don’t like the idea.” He murmured. “But I understand why you want to do it. Is that why you called the halt instead of pushing through tonight?” He asked.

“Yes. They’ll catch up to us regardless of how hard we push ourselves. They’ll have horses and…” I trailed off. “They’ll catch up.”

“I’m not going to let him take you.” He said softly, resting his hand on my cheek. “No matter what happens love.”

“I know.” I told him, forcing a smile. He’s going to try to kill you. That this spell may give me a way to keep you safe… is worth any risk.

“And you are certain you will have the strength to cast this spell?” Esbern asked as I traced the rune on Meeko’s belly, whispering to the dog as Inigo scratched his chest, helping keep him calm.

“Yes.” I responded, not looking at him. Maybe. Hopefully.

“And you are certain the Thalmor will catch up to us tonight?”

“Less certain on that.” I replied honestly. “But it’s an educated guess. To be frank I am still surprised they weren’t already assailing your hiding spot.” I told him, wrapping my sluggishly bleeding arm before downing a potion, feeling it heal the cut. That felt strange. But… I got everyone.

Kaidan looked up at me, carefully wrapping a bandage tightly around the mark on his skin so his armor wouldn’t smudge it, Lucien and Inigo following his example. “Get some sleep.” He said softly. “If this spell would take as much energy as you say, you’ll need all the strength you can get.”

“Agreed.” Esbern said, wrapping his own arm. “Please. Allow me to set the alarms and wards tonight. I hope it will not come to using this spell but if needs be, you’ll be at full magicka.”

“Thank you.” I responded quietly, moving over to Kaidan and lying down next to him, trying to will myself to sleep as he gently stroked my hair.

The familiar sound of an alarm spell being triggered woke me and I raised myself into a crouch, noting that Kaidan was standing next to the fire, staring into the darkness, Meeko and Blue flanking him. Looking up at the sky I tried to gage how late it was when I heard rustling in the grass, moving fast toward us.

Moving swiftly to Kai’s side I was unsurprised to see the werewolf step into the firelight, teeth bared, fur gleaming before his form shuddered. I glanced around, feeling my nerves threatening to get the better of me as I realized he was using the spectacle of his change to distract from the Thalmor circling us.

“Trust you to ensure that we’re as far away from civilians as possible.” Daggvar said smoothly, watching me closely.

“Where’s Sarlfi?” I asked, “He decided your obsession had gotten old?”

He snorted. “Of course not.” He snapped. “He just had pressing pack matters to attend to.” He smirked. “Besides, with my allies, who needs his help?” He glanced up at the sky and then looked back. “I realized something Silka.” He said easily. “I’ve been too easy on you.”

“Oh?” I challenged, shifting to sling my pack over my shoulders. Don’t want to lose my gear when we teleport.

“I swore to leave you alone for four months. I didn’t have to leave your allies alone.”

“And when did you figure that out?” 

“When I went to Solstheim and ran into your brother.” He responded, smiling when I felt my heart speed up.

“What did you do?” I asked, swallowing hard. Leave Nev out of this you Fucking bastard.

“He’s still alive if that’s what you’re worried about. And with his regeneration rate it’ll only take him…” He looked up at the sky. “About another week to heal up by my reckoning.”

I felt my jaw clench, swallowing back words of derision as Lucien let out an angry sound. “To what purpose?” I asked softly, knowing he could hear me regardless.

“You’ve had your freedom for far too long Silka. It’s given you inappropriate ideas. I have no choice but to cause you pain.”

No choice? Bullshit.

Kaidan let out a low growl and Daggvar looked at him. “Foolish.” He snapped. “That you think you can take her from me. That you think that just because emotions link you that I’ll stop.” He snorted. “No, Bounty Hunter. Magic doesn’t care about Love.” He snarled, shaking his head. “No.” He repeated. “Magic only cares about strength. And you don’t have any. You couldn’t hope to remove my claim on her if you tried.”

He frowned, glancing up at the sky again. “You’ve got a moment or two Silka. Before I can count my vow fulfilled.” He looked at me, a small smile on his face. “Are you going to run? I might not have a chance to kill your Love if I’m having to chase you down. But then, I might not be able to stop the Thalmor from killing your Khajiit friend if you do. They don’t need him alive you see. Nor your pets.”

Kaidan shifted closer to me, and I looked up at him, reading the worry in his eyes. Taking a deep breath, I shook my head slightly. Running won’t help anyone. Unless… I surveyed the number of Thalmor. Just need to wait until I am in danger before I can start casting the teleportation spell. I need it to work. I need to pull us all to safety. Which will hopefully be to Whiterun, to Jorrvaskr.

“I see you’ve made your choice.” Daggvar said softly. “It’s time.” 

Every second Thalmor in the circle immediately lifted their hands, green runes glowing as they began whispering, threading their magic together.

“Dragonborn.” Esbern called, panic in his voice. “Cast your spell!”

That was quick. He sees it too. We ’re outnumbered.

“And what spell might that be?” Daggvar asked sharply, giving a slight nod to the Thalmor, and drawing his sword.

I shook my head, searching the surrounding enemies for the best way to break free from the circle if needed.

“What spell, Silka?” He demanded, stepping forward, snorting a laugh when Kai drew his blade and I whirled toward Inigo and Lucien when I heard the thunk of a crossbow firing, panic threading into me as Inigo staggered.

“This is your plan? Hurting my friends to gain control over me?” I spat, glaring at the werewolf.

“Dearest one, this wouldn’t be necessary if you just came quietly.” He said easily, backpedaling when Kaidan lunged toward him with a roar, lifting his sword as I found the clearest spot.

Whatever this spell is. If it catches me, I can’t cast mine. I swear I’m not running away. I swear. I need to get us out of here. A tear trickled down my cheek as I glanced to see Lucien lifting hands full of magic as he stood over Inigo, Esbern at his back, runes visible above his hand.

Choosing my breaching point I readied my axe. “Wuld!” Sprinting through a gap in the line I whirled with my axe to catch those who might grab at me. “Wuld!” This one brought me to the top of a small hillock, and I turned, facing the group, three Thalmor breaking off to come after me, Kaidan locked in battle with Daggvar as a crossbow bolt lodged in Lucien’s knee and he crumpled over Inigo with a cry of pain. Loosing my throwing knives into the approaching Thalmor I tried to still my breathing, concentrating, pulling my still new knowledge of the teleportation spell into the forefront of my mind, shaping the runes in the air, feeling my hands trembling. Focus.

A pained cry pulled my attention and I faltered, feeling the air leave my lungs in a rush as Kai shoved Daggvar back. Biting my lip, I glanced for any Thalmor approaching me, confused by their absence. What are they waiting for?

 I forced my attention back to my spell when the Thalmor prepping their spell released it and bright green light settled over the clearing, dropping Kaidan and Esbern. No! My hands trembled, the spell nearly escaping my grasp, my nose itching as blood began to trickle down my face. No. No. Daggvar. Please. Please don’t. Forcing the last of the runes out I began to link them, unable to look away as Daggvar flashed something on his hand to Kai and I knew the green for a paralysis spell, noting that a few of the Thalmor were starting to head my way when Daggvar brought his sword around and drove it into Kaidan’s stomach with a short laugh.

Everything hazed over, my spell weaving becoming more frantic as I poured my magic into it, agony and fear sapping my strength.

I narrowed my eyes as Daggvar sprinted toward me, wishing for a brief moment that the spell I prepped was a Destruction spell that would end all of them.

“Silka! What are you doing!? Drop the spell before it kills you.” He screamed, skidding to a stop in front of me, his face drawn with what looked suspiciously like fear. “I can see it draining you!”

My jaw tightened and I blinked tears and what felt suspiciously like blood out of my vision. No.

“You have a small window to heal him!” He shouted, gesturing with his hands as he stood in front of me. “Are you really going to squander it on a ritual spell? What do you even hope to accomplish? They’re already down! Just accept that you’ve lost!”

I let his words wash over me, realizing they feared to approach me because of the damage a backlash would cause if they forced me to release it.

Oblivion take you Daggvar. Grasping the last of my usable magicka I finished the weave, holding it shining in place above my hands. Shor guide my spell. Kyne preserve us. I prayed, releasing it, physical and psychic pain joining the agony in my chest as the forest shivered around me and I prayed that the runes had worked.

Freezing wind bit into me as I collapsed to my knees, gasping for breath, looking frantically around, counting the bodies lying on the ground, scrambling over the snowy stones to Kaidan’s side. “Kai.” I whispered, “Kaidan. Please. Please.” I sobbed, yanking at my pack, finally managing to get it off, pulling potions and cloth out, trying to calm my heartbeat as I looked at the wound and my heart sank. “Kai. You can’t. You can’t.” I swallowed hard. “You can’t leave me. Don’t leave me.” I begged, fighting the urge to collapse into my tears.

Biting my lip hard enough to draw blood, I wrenched a cork out of a vial, pouring the red liquid into the wound, hoping I could set the healing into motion before the paralysis wore off and he bled out. Fingers numbing from the cold I scrambled, finding a sparkling blue potion, and lifting it in my trembling hand, wiping at my frozen tears, trying to see, when a gloved hand reached down and snatched the potion away, throwing it to the side.

Letting out an outraged cry I looked up into a Dunmer’s face. “Hold.” He ordered, his voice commanding, his dark eyes narrowed. “Or do you hope to kill yourself saving him?”

Caught entirely off guard I tried to order my thoughts. “I…”

He nodded slightly, reaching a hand out to grasp my arm, pulling me to my feet. “Look.” He pointed and I saw a small swarm of people running toward us. “They will heal them.” He gave me a small smile. “In fact.” Turning toward Kaidan he formed several runes in the air, familiar Restoration runes that sank quickly into the prone man’s skin. “We will help them all sleep off the paralysis and pain. But you…” He shook his head. “You need to let them work.” He ordered as the mages reached us, swarming around the men and dogs.

I stared around, feeling blank. “I can’t leave him.” I whispered, fearing the wound too deep to be healed properly.

“Young mage.” He started, then sighed heavily. “Urag. Bring that one to my quarters.” He said, turning to the Orc carefully disengaging Kaidan’s grip from his sword hilt.

I stepped shakily forward, claiming his sword, staring at his too-still face, fear, exhaustion and guilt eating at me in turns.

“Drink this.” The Dunmer ordered, handing me a magicka potion.

“Then why?” Why break the other one?

“To keep you from burning your magicka out.” He responded, reaching a hand up to stop me before I could follow the Orc. “Let them carry them all off the roof first.”

The… roof? Swiping at my frozen face again I looked around, pieces clicking into place. “We’re in Winterhold.” I whispered, feeling my legs wobble as the magicka potion restored just enough for the pain from draining so much at once washed through me.

“You are.” He agreed. “Welcome to the College of Winterhold.” He smiled, moving to my side, and slinging my arm over his shoulders, helping me walk toward the door. “I’ve been expecting you.”

Chapter Text

Chapter 34: Disorientation and Unexpected Candor

Kaidan: College of Winterhold

A strange scent, reminiscent of some of Lucien’s less successful potions roused me and I struggled to wake up, a comforting weight resting against me. Twisting, my stomach spasming with pain, I wrapped my arms around the familiar form, opening my eyes slowly to see what I already knew, Silka was sleeping against me.

I frowned when she didn’t stir, groaning when I tried to lever myself onto my elbow.

“Silka?” I whispered, stroking the side of her face. “Sweetheart?”

Panic settled in my gut, and I forced myself into a kneeling position, leaning over her. “Silka? Love?” I shook her gently, biting my lip hard when she didn’t stir.

Footsteps echoing on stone approached and I looked toward the door, glancing around for a weapon, realizing I was wearing only a pair of loose pants, a swath of bandages around my midsection. 

The footsteps stopped at the door, and it was pushed open slowly, a Dunmer poking his head in, coming in all the way when I looked at him.

“Ah good. One of you is awake at last.” He greeted, moving to sit in the chair next to the bed as I carefully shifted back into a sitting position, wincing with the pain, shifting Silka so her head was in my lap, fear lancing through me when that made her shift slightly but not stir toward wakefulness.

“Your companions have been in and out.” He said easily. “None of them having been injured as badly as you. We managed to convince the smaller of the two dogs to stick with Inigo for now.” He smiled. “It took some doing.”

“Will she be alright?” I asked, cutting to the point.

He sighed, leaning back in the chair. “I was forewarned of your prejudice toward magics that are not healing. However. I do not feel it would be in your best interest for me to be anything but honest.”

“What do you mean by that?” I asked.

“I’m sure you suspect already that her current condition was caused by the spell she used.”

Fear threatened to strangle me. “You’re telling me she did this to herself?” Did she know? Did she know this was a risk? And she still went ahead with it?

“Yes.” He sighed. “She told me about choosing to use blood to work her spell. I understand why. She told me she’d hoped they’d end up at Jorrvaskr. And while I suspect it would have taken less magicka I can tell you that even if it had taken half as much, she would have burned herself out healing you. Completely destroyed her magicka reserves. And possibly died.”

I shuddered. “Why would it have been different?” I asked, realizing I was stroking her hair repetitively with one hand, the other fisted in the sheets.

“Because she tried to heal you here. I barely managed to stop her.”

“I’ve seen magic backlash before. It wasn’t like this.” I said, a vague memory of their conversation as I’d been paralyzed surfacing.

“It comes back to her having used blood.” He explained. “By tapping into her life force as well as her magic she was able to strengthen the spell but at great cost to herself. She could easily have burned the life from her veins along with her magic.” He shook his head. “An excellent quality to have in an apprentice but a worrying one.”

She tapped into her life force? Did she know that was how it would work? Did she hide that from me? I felt my brows furrow, a rush of anger warming my limbs, another word he said sticking out to me. “Apprentice?” I asked, trying to keep the anger out of my voice.

He straightened, stretching his legs out in front of him. “Yes. I have been looking for someone to train to replace me. That she would risk so much of herself for others. That…” He nodded. “That is a quality worthy of the Arch Mage.” His gaze drew distant as I tried to wrap my mind around what he was saying. “It is a trait I wish I had developed sooner myself.”

He shook his head. “I dare say I am not making much sense to you. A few weeks ago, I got an urgent courier message to be on the lookout for a mage and some others to appear suddenly at my college. That I would have a very short window of time to avert certain disaster and gain a worthy protegee.”

“Who sent you the message?” I asked, mind still reeling.

“Jarl Ravencrone. One of her visions.” He rose. “I am certain you will need food. And I would like to check your injury. As your companion feared, it was quite deep, and it was meant to be lethal.”

“Do you understand who she is?” I asked. “She can’t just sit around in one place.” I said as he came to the side of the bed I sat on and started tugging at the bandages.

“Of course I do. Do you understand who I am?” He asked, amusement coloring his tone as he rested a hand on my shoulder and pushed back on it. “Lie back.”

“You’re a mage.” I mumbled, working through his earlier words, feeing my brow furrow. “You’re the Arch Mage of the College of Winterhold?” I asked, certain that couldn’t be correct. Why would he attend to me himself if that were the case?

He laughed softly then nodded. “You are healing better than I hoped. This is good. You will be able to regain your strength.” He murmured, pouring a bit of healing magic into me. “Your being paralyzed when the spell struck you was both a boon and a curse.” He said, offering me a hand up. “A boon because it gave us time you wouldn’t have had otherwise. A curse in that it made it more complicated to heal.” He crossed his arms, looking down at me. “It’s closed now, there is no more need for the bandage. The only injuries that remain are internal. Those will take a bit longer.”

“How much longer?” I asked, frowning down at Silka.

“A week without more healing.” He responded, looking down at Silka. “I wish I could do more for her. But at this stage. All we can do is wait.”

“She will wake up.” I said, then glanced up. “Yes?”

He sighed, meeting my eyes. “I believe so.” He said finally. “But I do not know when.”

“How long?” I started, stopping to swallow hard. “How long has she been asleep?”

“Ten days so far. I expected you to go another day or two before waking, but with Silka. We can’t know.” He gathered the bandages up, shaking his head. “If you go into the room on your left, you will find the bathing rooms. You may use what you find in there freely. One of the apprentices has been coming in with the librarian and our Master of Restoration to attend to your wounds and change the bedding. I will inform Urag and Colette that their services are no longer needed but I may not find young Brelyna in time so do not be startled by her appearance.”

“Why wouldn’t the healer still be needed?” I asked sharply. “She’s not awake yet.”

“There is nothing more a healer can do.” He responded, giving me a sympathetic look. “I know it’s difficult, but this is something you will need to accept with a Mage partner.” He paused by the door. “One other thing. I will send word for one of the apprentices to bring you a meal. I suspect that it will take some time for you to be willing to leave her side.”

“Thank you.” I muttered, still trying to work through everything he’d said.

Looking down at Silka I tried to steady my breathing, tears collecting in my eyes as she barely shifted. “Darling. My love. Please wake up.” I whispered, shifting back down to the bed, curling up around her. I Fucking hate magic. I could feel my fingers trembling as I lightly ran fingers along her jaw, pushing hair back from her face, feeling the tears trickle down my cheeks. “I need you darling.” I whispered. “Don’t let…” Don’t let magic tear you from me.

Laying nearly still I whispered to her, biting back my disparaging comment about magic with some effort when I heard lighter footsteps approaching the door.

Wiping my eyes, I sat up, leaning forward, unable to keep from watching Silka until the door opened.

Another Dunmer looked in, a young woman this time. “The Arch Mage just passed me.” She said. “Said you were awake and needed something to eat. Is she awake yet?” She asked, her words coming out in a rush.

I shook my head and she let out a vexed sigh. “I was hoping to have some better news to give her siblings. Alright. I’ll go ask the cook for something for you. I’m sure Colette would have my head if I offered you something heavy. Considering where you’d been stabbed and all.” Pulling back, the door closed with a soft thump, and I stared after her.

Stabbed. I closed my eyes, letting the memories fill in, clenching my fists. “Did you know?” I whispered. “Did you know that you were going to be draining your life force to cast this?” Clenching my jaw, I carefully shifted out of the bed, groaning as I gained my feet, my stomach protesting my movements. “I Fucking hate magic.” I whispered, moving close to the wall, bracing my arm against it, looking over at the bed. “You pulled us away from the Thalmor and Daggvar but at what cost to you?” I shook my head, thinking of the werewolf and his taunts. I swore to keep you safe, and I failed. And he was more than happy to inform me of what he intended to do to you. I blew out a long breath. Magic felled me. I moved back to the bed, staring down at Silka. And magic saved me. But at what cost?

When the door opened again, I was sitting in the chair next to the bed, still watching Silka sleep. The Dunmer apprentice was back, a familiar blond man behind her.

“Kaidan!” Lucien greeted, frowning at the bed. “She’s still out?” He sighed. “How are you doing?”

“I’ll be alright.” I murmured, nodding my thanks at the Dunmer as she set the tray down. Once she wakes up.

“Will you?” He asked, sitting in the other chair as the Dunmer nodded and moved out of the room. “I didn’t think anything to take you down like that.”

“I’m not immune to magic Lucien.” I responded. Unfortunately.

“And it was a very powerful spell because of how many cast it.” He agreed. “Are you looking forward to meeting her sisters?”

“I haven’t really thought about it.” I responded, reaching out and grasping her hand.

“Kaidan. You need to eat something.” He chided. “You need to keep your strength up. You haven’t eaten in almost two weeks.”

With a sigh I shifted toward the food, lifting the bowl, and sipping at the broth, almost amused when Lucien gave me an approving nod. The taste of it woke my appetite and I grabbed the chunk of bread, soaking it in the broth, trying to pace myself.

“Did you just come in here to make sure I ate something?” I asked, looking up at Lucien.

‘Yes.”

I blinked, caught off guard by the admission. “I appreciate it. Did you send word to Whiterun or Solstheim?”

His shoulder sagged. “Yes. Nothing back yet of course. I’m worried.”

“I’m sorry I brought it up.” I murmured.

He shook his head. “I knew it was going to be bad when we ran into Daggvar’s group. I was hoping we’d have the Companions at our side, but I understand why she wanted to get Esbern free. He’s an odd one the old Blade.”

“Is he angry about being here?”

“I don’t think so. I bet Delphine is going to be though. He isn’t happy about having to duck that Thalmor who’s here though.”

I froze. “There’s a Thalmor here?”

He nodded. “He calls himself an advisor to the Arch Mage, but everyone knows that Savos doesn’t listen to a word he says. The Librarian says he tells him he’ll “take it under advisement” so that he thinks he’s getting somewhere with him, so they won’t send someone more competent.”

“Can’t say it makes me at all comfortable that he’s here considering everything.”

He nodded. “He spends most his time either trying to pester the Arch Mage or walking around the upper floors of the Arcanaeum. He tried to threaten Inigo and I and the librarian cleared his throat and he left.”

“Is he afraid of the librarian?” I asked.

“Well, he’s an orc who is also a skilled mage. It’d be foolish not to be afraid of him, I think. I’ve sat in on a couple lessons. Learning some stuff. It’s been a good distraction.”

I nodded. “That’s good.”

“If you need to take a break to stretch your legs or anything, Inigo or I would be happy to sit with her so she’s not alone. Give you a chance to go to the Arcanaeum or train on the roof. Some of the guards have training dummies up there. Inigo’s been going up there a lot to practice his archery.”

“Perhaps.” I agreed. I’m not leaving her.

“My friend. It has been three days since you woke up.” Inigo chided. “You need to at least take a bath. You are beginning to smell bad.”

“But if she wakes up.” I started.

He shook his head. “Then I will find you. She would understand.” He gestured to the dogs curled up next to her. “They would be with her.”

Closing my eyes for a moment I considered it.

“Or I can ask one of the mages to cast a water spell on you.” He offered.

I jerked at the thought, rising from the chair, pressing a hand to my stomach as the muscles pulled.

“Still sore?”

“Yes.” I responded. “How is your knee?”

“It’s fine. They have healers here and Lucien isn’t terrible. For all the talk of not needing me alive they did not try to kill me as they did you.” He sighed. “You have not tried to meet with her siblings yet?”

“What would I even tell them?” I responded sharply. “They don’t know when she’ll wake up. Not yet. They don’t even know if she’ll wake up.” Pacing back and forth I shook my head. “She could be dying because of a Fucking spell, and they can’t do shit about it.” I shook my head. “I wish.”

“You wish what Kaidan?” Inigo asked softly, his attention fully on me.

“If…” I shook my head again. “If she wasn’t a mage then none of this would have happened.”

“I see.” He sighed. “Go. Take a bath. Get out of this room for at least a few minutes.” He ordered, ears flattening when I opened my mouth to respond. “Go.”

Grunting with annoyance I grabbed a pack from next to the door, storming into the bathing room, relieved to find it empty, knowing I would not be good company. Stripping, I dropped the dirty clothing to the side and stepped into the water, breathing in the steam. Sinking into the water as I brooded over what had brought us here, I felt the memory of our conversation in High Hrothgar surface. When I’d asked her why she used magic at all.

“It’s part of me Kai. I can’t not use it. I could try not to touch my magic and with my respective strengths I could get away with it for a while. But in the end, it would escape. So, it’s safest to shape it.”

Safe. This is what you call safe? Scrubbing myself clean, examining what would be a new scar on my stomach as I dried myself, I shook my head. I need to take a walk. Inigo was right. But where to walk that isn’t surrounded by Fucking mages.

Drawing my hair back into a short tail I brought my gear back to the room, moving forward to check on Silka, anger welling when she still didn’t stir. The arch mage said something about burning it out entirely. Is that possible? Could you rid yourself of this bloody ‘gift’?

“I’m going to go to the Arcanaeum. I have some research to do.” Stepping back, I turned, purpose in my steps, ignoring the pull in my stomach.

Finding the Arcanaeum I hesitated, unsure of where to even begin.

“Can I help you?” A harsh voice asked, and I turned to face an old Orc holding a massive tome in his arms as he watched me with narrowed eyes.

“Yes.” I responded. “I hope so. I wouldn’t know where to begin.”

“A smart man to know when he is lacking in knowledge.” He responded, setting the tome down on his desk and moving around it.

Lucien mentioned that the librarian was an Orc. This must be him. A memory tickled at me as he got closer. You carried me inside after… I shoved the memory away hurriedly, not wanting to relive the feeling of abject helplessness I’d felt as I’d listened to Silka begging for me to live. And now she’s barely holding on. Fucking magic.

“What is it you are looking for?” He asked.

“Two things.” I responded. “Everything you have on werewolf marks and magic burnout.”

“The first will take a little longer to track down.” He responded. “But the second is required reading for all our new mages so I have plenty of information on that. Don’t worry about your lover. She didn’t burn out. She still has her magic.”

That’s not a comfort. Following him through the rows of books I accepted the small handful he gave me with a nod of thanks, letting his threat wash over me, trying to ignore the uncomfortable prickle it gave me.

Sitting at an empty desk I opened the first book and started skimming, not sure exactly what I was looking for yet, scowling over the signs of magicka drain and backlash. Why does Anyone use magic? The next section answered that for me, and I hissed out a soft breath of anger.

Magicka use can become addictive. There has been more than one promising young mage who has overused their magic to the point that they snuff out what power they have, never to cast another spell. Beware the addiction. Use it. Control it.

Do not try to force spell learning. When you understand it, you’ll know. Forcing it can have lasting consequences, chronic headaches, loss of one of your senses and most debilitating, the total loss of your magic.

Eagerly I read further, trying to discern if there was a way to control how fast the magicka burned out. Is there a way to drain it on purpose? Safely perhaps? There must be a way to give up magic.

Heavy footsteps caught my attention, and I lifted my head as the librarian approached me. “I found some of those other books you wanted. A niche topic this one. But it is getting late.” He considered me. “Did you want them now or the next time you come up here?”

It has been some time. I need to get back to Silka. I need to see if she's woken up. “Next time. Thank you.”

He nodded. “I will put these away. Are you done with them?”

“These two.” I responded, setting two of the books to one side.

“I anticipate I will be seeing you tomorrow.” He said evenly, deftly lifting both piles of books.

“Yes.” I agreed, rising, and moving swiftly toward the stairs.

Inigo rose as I entered. “No change my friend. Silka sleeps on.”

“Damnit.” I murmured, patting the dogs, watching them follow Inigo out the door.

Stripping to my smallclothes I slipped into the bed, pulling Silka into my arms, pressing my face into her hair. “Damnit Silka. Why? Why do you use it?” I whispered. “Why do you cause yourself so much harm?”

“I was hoping to come across you.” A rough voice greeted.

I froze, working through where I knew the voice from as I looked up. The red headed man who looked down at me was frowning, tapping his fingers on his arm.

“Mal and Mati told me that Silka was laid up somewhere in the college.” He said, pulling the chair across from me back and sitting down. “Is she alright?”

“No Sarlfi. She is not alright.” I said roughly, worry pricking at me.

“Daggvar’s not with me. If that’s what you’re worried about. I visit my sisters every couple of months. He claims to have no interest in the College. Says they wouldn’t approve of how he utilizes his magic.” He frowned, looking at the book open in front of me. “Werewolf marks? Why would you need…” His brow furrowed. “You’re not a werewolf.”

I leaned back slightly, watching him, letting him talk.

“Even if you were.” He shook his head. “If you tried to mark Silka.” He smirked.  “I’d have to kill you.”

“Why is that?” I asked. An interesting reaction. Especially considering Daggvar has already been trying to kill me.

He grimaced. “You really want to know?”

“Yes.”

“Fuck. Alright. But know that I am only telling you this so you understand.” He growled, staring off into space for several minutes.

I watched him, unsure of why he was being so open, certain it would only be useful in the long run.

Taking a deep breath, he continued. “My wife asked me to mark her. She’d heard it existed.” He explained, shifting his gaze to the book. “Said my father was making her uncomfortable. Thought that if I marked her he’d have to leave her alone. It’s… They’re rare but when they happen. It’s like making a declaration that you’re claiming that person as your chosen mate for life. And in a way that any other wolf can smell. There’s more to it but… we believed it would keep her safe.”

“He would go after his own son’s wife?” I asked. Of course, this is the same man who sent the Thalmor after his own daughter.

He nodded, swallowing hard. “Yes.” He leaned back, crossing his arms over his chest. “As I said, Marks are rare, even among werewolves. So, I asked Daggvar about them. I thought. If anyone would know. He would.”

So, you don ’t know? You don’t know that he marked Silka? Would you have threatened him too?

“And he did. And he told me how to do it.” His jaw tightened. “I…” His lips compressed into a thin line. “He did not realize how much pain it would inflict.” He shook his head. “So. Whoever’s trying to convince you to mark Silka so Daggvar will stay away?” He snorted. “Don't trust them.”

I frowned, working through his words, debating if I wanted to push for more information. “You said you’re here to see your sisters?” 

“Yes. I like to visit this place when I do. Usually Mati or Mal come with me but Mati’s in class and Mal was banished from the Arcanaeum for six months.” He said candidly, his gaze almost unnerving. 

Interesting. I wonder if Silka knew. She doesn't talk about her sisters much at all.

He frowned. “Don’t let anyone mark her. I know you care about her. That’s why I approached you to inquire as to her health.” He sighed when I lifted an eyebrow. “I don’t expect her to forgive me. I don’t deserve it. But I do still care for her. I’ll probably be gone before she wakes up but…”

“Do you know of a way to remove them?” I blurted.

“What?”

“Do you know of a way to remove a mark?”

“I…” He froze, shifting slowly forward in his chair. “Remove one?” He stared at the book for a long moment, pure confusion writ on his face before he looked up.

He stared at me for a long moment then slowly began shaking his head. “No. No. He would. He tells me everything.” He growled, his breath going ragged. “I told him everything. No. He would have told me. No. Was it one of the Companions?”

I gave him a level look; somewhat taken aback at the strength of the emotions he was showing. You gashed her arms up in anger, but this makes you feel protective? I don’t buy it. 

His jaw tightened, his eyes glowing and breath coming out in hard gasps. “Which means….” He shuddered, his fingers twisting as he fought to bring himself back under control. “Which means. He would have. At the time. He would have thought it ok. I. I probably would have. As well. But that means.”

“Are you going to lose control?” I asked, wondering if I was about to see if the librarian’s reputation was deserved.

He shook his head, moving his hands to his thighs. “Which means.” He let out a slow breath. “He knows how much Elilia means to me. He knew. And he still…”

Comprehension dawned, and I shifted slightly forward. “He knew how much it would hurt her. And he didn’t tell you.” So not for Silka, but for his wife. I’m oddly comforted by that. Perhaps he is telling the truth about just being here for the twins. That he seems to want Silka’s forgiveness would help explain his being so forthright.

“It took Elilia three days to heal enough that I no longer feared she’d die in her sleep.” He said harshly. “And he knew the whole time.”

“He spent the next two days after harming her, dabbing cure disease potions into the wounds to make sure they wouldn’t get infected.” Vilkas’ voice echoed in my head. I frowned, a deep welling hatred simmering in my gut. Was he really making sure her wounds wouldn’t get infected? Or was he making sure she survived what he’d done to her?

Chapter Text

Chapter 35: Bittersweet Awakening

Silka: College of Winterhold

Pain wracked my body and I rolled onto my side, curling in on myself as I woke. Forcing my breaths to come out more shallowly, I perked up slightly as I heard rushed footsteps.

“Thank Kyne.”

Kaidan’s voice seemed to echo around me, and I groaned as I pried my eyes open, looking up, focusing on his face. Slowly lifting one heavy arm I pressed my hand against his cheek. “You’re alive.” I murmured.

He grasped my hand, leaning into it, eyes sparkling with tears. “My love.” He murmured roughly.

“You’re alright?” I asked, trying to sit up, struggling with it until Kai moved to sit on the bed and pulled me to him, wrapping his arms around me, his familiar strength soothing.

“I’m better.”

“How long was I out?” I asked, trying not to cough, the aches and pains the Thalmor gave me flaring back to life.

He didn’t answer for a long moment, and I frowned, leaning into him, trying to look up. “Seventeen days.” He responded, something harsh in his voice and I tried to shift, tried to look up at him. He sounds so angry. So upset. I need to see his face.

“Silka.” He started; his voice strangled. “Did you know?”

“Did I know what?” I asked, finally giving up trying to shift.

“Did you know what risk you were taking?”

Oh. Did I? I knew it could have consequences. Especially when I opted for the blood route. Did I know they would last this long? Not exactly.

“Mostly.” I responded. “I knew there would be consequences. I just didn’t know how bad they would be.”

“Why?”

“Why what?” I asked, hating that I had no strength to twist around.

“Why did you cast it? Why did you cast it in that way?”

“I didn’t see another choice.” I sighed, slumping slightly. “I couldn’t bear the thought of losing any of you. So., I needed a way to get you out to safety. Didn’t know we’d end up in Winterhold either.”

“What did you know about the spell?” He asked.

I frowned, trying not to react to the sharpness in his voice. “I knew it would pull us to safety. I spoke to you about it beforehand.”

“Not enough.” He growled. “I trusted you.”

That stung and I blinked furiously as tears pricked my eyes. “What do you mean?” I managed.

“You told me that it wouldn’t weaken you past what a potion could fix.” He snapped. “Obviously that was inaccurate.”

“Kai.” I whispered. “I wasn’t trying to deceive you.” And that was in regards to the runes. I should have been clearer about what casting it that way entailed. That I was afraid of how you’d react should have been an indication that you needed to know.

“So, you didn’t know it would hit you this bad?” He snorted in disbelief. “It could’ve at least had the decency to burn your magic out, keep you from going through something like this again.”

My breath caught and I struggled to think past the pounding in my ears. “What?” I whispered. Do you. Do you understand…. Do you understand what happens to mages who burn out? I opened my mouth to ask him, but he was already speaking.

“But it didn’t. So, we’ll need to figure something else out. In the meantime.” He wrapped his arms tighter around me. “I’ll go get you something to eat. You must be ravenous.”

I managed to pat his arm. “Yeah. Yeah I am.”

He gently lowered me back to the bed, stroking hair away from my face, kissing my forehead. “My love.” He sighed. “You need to stop cutting it so close.” 

I managed a wan smile. You don’t get it. You don’t understand. Or is it that your discomfort with magic blinds you to it?

Curling up on my side as he strode to the door, I tried to force my sluggish mind to process what had just happened. This… isn’t the first time he’s been uncomfortable with my magic. I closed my eyes, feeling tears escape to track down my face. I thought…. I thought he’d accepted it. We never really discussed it. Never really delved into what it means to me outside of our first conversation in High Hrothgar. He doesn’t understand and that’s on me. That’s my fault.

Forcing myself to sit up I rubbed a fist on my chest, trying to assess my magicka levels. It was close. Kaidan nearly had his wish. The thought brought a wave of convulsing sobs and I forced them back with effort. He’s angry. I understand. He’s worried. I get that too but…

Sitting cross-legged, I closed my eyes, trying to check the damage done to my magic itself. Not as bad as it could have been. Some essentially charred bits but those should recover. I hope the others are alright. Kai didn’t say.

Rubbing my chest again I tried to assess the other pain. He didn’t realize. I’m certain of it but Damn it. How long has he been awake? How long has he been stewing while waiting for me to wake up?

Stretching my legs out in front of me I carefully eased them over the side of the bed when the door opened and Kaidan came back in.

“Should you be sitting up?” He asked.

“I promise I’m not pushing myself too hard.” I responded, looking up at him, worry eating at me.

He sighed, setting the tray down and looking over at me. “Darling. I’m allowed to be worried over you.”

“Yes.” I agreed. “But…” I sighed, carefully pulling myself to the head of the bed, closer to the food. “I won’t get strong by lying about.” I finished, trying to inject cheer I didn’t feel into my voice.

“Stubborn.” He murmured, leaning over to kiss my forehead, offering me a bite of food.

I let him feed me, watching his face. “How is your injury?” I whispered, the memory eating at me.

He frowned. “It’s healed. I’m more concerned about you.” He said, setting the empty bowl to the side and drawing his legs onto the bed, gently rubbing my knee.

“And the others?”

“They’re fine. Inigo keeps going into town to gamble, taking the dogs with him. Lucien is studying.” He rolled his eyes. “And Esbern is scouring the library any moment he has to spare. He tries to avoid the Thalmor and…” He sighed, shaking his head. “Lucien assures me that the Arch Mage has his eye on him but… mages.”

I flinched. “Why… Why has…” I hesitated. I’m not even sure how to start this conversation. But. “I… was under the impression that…” I cut off when someone rapped on the door.

“Hold that thought.” He murmured, rising to answer it as I stared after him.

You ’re acting so oddly. Like you’re bracing for something.

“Excellent. I was hoping you had awoken.” The Arch Mage greeted, stepping into the room, Kaidan turning away from him, his face stormy.

“Yes, not long ago.” I responded.

“And you have eaten. Good. You have quite a devoted lover. It was… difficult to get him to leave your side.” He inclined his head toward Kai. “Most of his time spent apart from you was in the Arcanaeum.” He rested a hand on his chin. “I do wonder what he was looking for.”

Kaidan’s face darkened further, and I felt my brows furrow. What happened while I was sleeping? Why the increase in Kai’s distaste toward magic? What did I miss?

“It doesn’t matter.” He snapped. “I didn’t find what I was looking for. Not exactly.”

“And what were you looking for?” The Arch Mage asked, his voice very calm. “You’ve been less than forthcoming.”

“It’s private.” He snapped.

“I see. I understand. But do try to remember that when it applies to the arcane, the Arch Mage should be considered a valuable resource.” He turned to me. “I would like to check your magic. See if you did any particular damage to it.”

“I checked it already.” I responded. “Few raw bits. But shouldn’t take long to recover.”

“That is good to hear. But I cannot recommend recovery exercises unless I know what we’ll be working with.”

I flushed. “Ah. Yes. That makes sense.”

“Excuse me.” Kaidan muttered, moving to the door.

His departure hurt, and I blinked back tears as the Arch Mage sighed. “He does not like magic. I’ve seen it in the local Nords, but few have as strong an aversion as his.”

“Do you know what he’s been studying?” I asked as he came over.

He nodded, sitting on the bed. “I do. I asked Urag. But.” He sighed, lifting his hands, runes shimmering above them. “That is something you need to ask him. I will not meddle in interpersonal affairs.”

“I suppose that makes sense.” I acknowledged. “I just worry about him.”

He nodded his understanding then carefully sank his magic into me. “I’m not surprised to find that you were right.” He murmured. “Shouldn’t take more than a few days. Join Tolfdir’s beginners in the morning. I’ve told him to teach wards and that will not tax your magic too badly.” He smiled. “Might even strengthen it.”

“Alright.” I agreed.

“Excellent. I’ll send word to have one of the beginners come and collect you.” He continued, rising. “I understand you can’t spend long here but I want you to feel welcome.”

“Thank you.”

He smiled, patting my shoulder. “Here, let me give you a boost of strength so you can get cleaned up. I’m certain you’d feel better.” He murmured, casting a quick spell before turning and moving away.

I waited a long moment after he left, hoping Kaidan would come back in. Biting my lip when he didn’t, I rose slowly, the strength from the Arch Mage’s spell enough to get me moving but not enough to move with anything resembling speed. Looking around to try and spot the pack, I perked up as the door was pushed open.

“Kaidan.” I breathed, moving toward him, keeping my pace slow.

“You’re standing.” He said, his voice very flat.

“Yes. Just long enough to get cleaned up.” I murmured. “Kai?”

He scowled. “Let me guess. A spell.” He sighed heavily. “This way. Let me help you.”

Following him into the hallway I worried at my shirt hem. I need to ask him what happened. I need to find out why he’s acting so oddly.

The bath was almost too hot, and I grimaced as I settled onto a bench, Kaidan settling next to me.

“You’re too thin.” He grumbled, helping me wash up, his expression hard to read.

“I’m sorry.” I murmured, not even sure what I was apologizing for.

"Why are you sorry? Is it because you used magic that almost killed you? Again?" He growled, helping me out of the water, his tone at odds with how gently he aided me.

I frowned up at him. "Kaidan. What happened?" I whispered. "What happened while I slept.”

He snorted as I dried off and wrapped a clean cloak around me to walk back to the room. "While you slept? Is that what mages say to downplay how dangerous that "sleep" was? You were unconscious Silka." He grumbled.

Stepping into the room I turned and studied him as he shut the door behind us. "Kai." I started.

"No. Listen. I almost lost you." He shook his head. "Again. And it was to magic. Do you have any idea what that does to me? What kind of impact that has on me? Do you understand?"

"No." I responded, still feeling hurt. "Because you've never explained it to me." I pointed out. "You've never told me Why you hate magic so damned much." I grumbled, sorting through my pack, taking out a simple dress.

Before I could pull it on, Kaidan moved into my space, crushing me to him. "The last time I fell in love with a mage. She tried to kill me." He whispered.

Oh. Fuck. "Kai." I whispered, pulling free of his embrace, and turning to face him, lifting a hand up toward his cheek, hurt when he ducked back. Closing my hand, I pulled the dress on, trying to sort through the hurt. I'm not her though. I would never. "You know I wouldn..." I started.

"One of the first nights we slept in the same bed together you threatened to use magic on me." He said sharply.

"Can you blame me?" I murmured. "Kai. You're bigger than me. You're stronger than me. If you had wanted to hurt me, it would have been easy for you. Of course I would say that.” I argued, watching his face. “I said it to Inigo too, first time we sheltered in close quarters. Oblivion Kai. I told Farkas that. And you know what? With them. I possibly could have done something. I had some alteration spells. But with you? With my memories messed up? All I had was Candlelight."

He snorted, turning his head away. "You fell quickly to threatening me."

"Kaidan." I swallowed hard. I don't have the strength for this. But... "Why only bring it up now?" I whispered. "What happened?"

"Magic is dangerous. You've proven that multiple times. You've proven you'll use it aggressively when pressed." He frowned. "Every book I found expounded on how addictive magic is to use. How can I trust that you won't fall into that trap?" His face darkened. "How can I know that I'm not setting myself up to repeat history?"

Rage coursed through me, giving me borrowed strength. "I am not her." I snarled. "If you don't know me..." I clenched my fists. "If you don't..."

"No." He responded, cutting me off again. "You're worse than her."

I felt my lips part, tears blinding me as I took a step back.

He met my eyes, pain and anger clear on his face. "You're worse than her Silka. Because you'll kill yourself with magic. And when you do." His jaw tightened. "When you do it will be to help someone else. You'll use up all your power to save someone and make yourself vulnerable to an attack." He frowned. "And then I'll lose you. And everyone here.... they speak of it so well. Even Inigo speaks well of the mages. Even after he admitted he’s had bad experiences. I feel like I'm going mad. I feel like I’m the only one who cares how much magic destroys” He stepped forward, reaching out and resting his hand on my cheek, wiping a tear away. “I’m going to lose you.” He whispered. “And it’s killing me to know that.”

Kaidan. Fuck. Kai. "What exactly…" I started. "How exactly..." I shook my head, feeling vulnerable. "Do you know what happens to mages who lose their magic?" 

He scowled. "No. Because none of the books here explain it. They just paint it as the worst possible outcome."

Because it is. "It's considered common knowledge. And taboo. Every book would have warned about the danger of losing your magic. Of burning out..." I lifted my eyes to meet his, heart clenching at the suspicion in his gaze. "We don't... mages don't... talk about it much."

"Evidently." He said harshly and I glanced away.

Just tell him. He has to know. Just tell him. Looking up, I caught a glimpse of conflict on his face as he watched another tear track down my cheek. He's hurting. He’s hurting and lashing out instead of just Explaining what happened so I can understand. Why won’t he just Explain?

"Ask the librarian. Or Lucien. Someone who..." I took a shuddering breath. "Someone who you trust to be honest with you."

He jerked back in surprise. "You're not going to tell me?"

"I feel like if I did....” I winced. “I feel like if I did, you would dismiss it as defensiveness."

His shoulders sagged. "Perhaps you're right." He murmured. "After that spell..." He took a step toward the door. "Perhaps it's for the best."

I really should have sent you away. A long time ago. If only to spare myself this pain. Watching him grab a shirt on his way out the door I felt my body sag as the rest of the strength spell ebbed away. Stumbling over to the bed I curled up on myself, unable to stop the sobs.

                Reaching automatically for Kai as I woke up, fresh tears tracked down my cheeks when I found myself alone. “Kaidan?” Sitting up, I looked around the room, drawing my legs up to my chest and resting my head on them. "I don't understand." I whispered. "I don't understand. Please. Just help me understand. What am I missing?"

                Lifting my head when someone knocked at the door I rose, grimacing at the echoes of pain, padding over to it, pulling it open to see a Dunmer woman on the other side.
                "You are awake! Oh, your sisters are going to be so happy!" She greeted. "I'm Brelyna. Here, these might be a little big on you right now, but you'll gain back the weight you lost in no time. They've been enchanted to help with magicka recovery as well. Standard practice but should be extra helpful for you." She explained brightly.

"Thank you Brelyna." I said softly, accepting the soft robes and boots from her, stepping back, moving over to the bed as she closed the door.

                "I can turn away if you're shy." She said brightly. "Breakfast will be served shortly and then we'll go straight to the Hall of the Elements for today's lesson. I do hope Master Tolfdir lets us play with magic today. He's so obsessed with safety this and safety that."

I shook my head, changing into the robes, marveling at how soft they felt against my skin, feeling my magicka respond to the enchantments. Whoever made these knew what they were doing. "I should be living proof of the importance of safety with magic." I told her, smiling over at her as she frowned over my words.

                "Are you a powerful mage?" She asked, "I thought..."

                I nodded, following her out the door. "You thought that I had to be fairly weak with magic to be affected so badly?" I asked.

                "Well... yes." She admitted. "I've never seen a high-level mage react so badly to a spell before."

                "I can cast Adept spells comfortably. And an Expert spell or two. So... Out of desperation. I cast a Master level Ritual spell."

                She stumbled. "And you're alive? And not burned out and gibbering?"

                "It was a close call." I responded, my shoulders relaxing as I heard a familiar voice, bracing myself as we rounded a corner, stiffness returning when I heard no nails on stone, saw no dogs. Kai must have them. Wherever he is. But at least the others are here. Inigo was in deep conversation with another Khajiit, and Lucien was talking animatedly over a diagram with a Nord, both seeming at ease.

                "Look who woke up finally!" Brelyna crowed and I flushed, reaching a hand up to the back of my head as Inigo and Lucien jumped out of their chairs and darted over to embrace me.
                "My friend! You are looking worse for the wear. But better than you were." Inigo greeted.

                "Silka! Oh, you've been missing some fantastic conversations. There is so much knowledge in the Arcanaeum. I never thought I'd see this much in well..." He flushed. "In Skyrim. how long have you been awake? And where's Kaidan?"

                My chest clenched and I forced a smile. "Not long." I murmured. "But I am starving. Anything edible?"

                Inigo laughed as Lucien reached out and grabbed my wrist to tug me toward the table. "I've had better... but I've also had much worse." He said easily. "Are you going to join us for lessons today?" He asked. "Is that why you're in trainee robes too?"
                I glanced down, realizing that he was dressed in robes as well, a different color than mine and I wondered at it for a moment. They must sort them by school you’re strongest in. Alteration for me though I'd argue Restoration is my stronger class. Interesting.
                "I am. It's believed that it will help my magic to recover properly. I did some damage to it."

                "That spell was something else though." Lucien chirped. "Saved our lives at the very least! First time I've seen you attempt a Ritual spell. Hopefully the next one will go better."
                "I'm sure it will." I responded, picking at some Saltrice porridge as he chattered.

“I got a letter from Nevian.” Lucien said. “He’s alright. A bit banged up he says. He was planning to be on the next vessel out of Raven Rock.”

“I’m glad to hear it.” I responded, feeling some of my stiffness ease.

 
                "You will want to speak with Esbern later. He has been waiting for you to wake up." Inigo said quietly.

                "I will." I promised. "After lessons."

                "Ah. Dragonborn. It is good to see you’ve recovered so well." Esbern greeted, nodding to me from next to the man I guessed was Master Tolfdir.
                "I wouldn't call it so well yet." I responded. "But I am glad to see you. Is the College treating you well?"

                He smiled. "Oh yes. It's been an excellent place for study. I... have enjoyed being around others again."

                Tolfdir smiled. "Well. Let us begin our lesson, shall we? Today is a good day to learn about Wards." He announced.
                The Khajiit groaned. "What use are wards?" He grumbled.

 
                Before Tolfdir could say anything, Lucien laughed. "Ask Silka. She’s used them against Dragons. Effectively might I add."

                "Really?" The Nord apprentice asked. "It really worked?"

                Tolfdir coughed. "Yes, well, perhaps since the Dragonborn is capable of casting such powerful wards, I shall ask her to assist me with this demonstration?" He suggested.

                “Alright.” I agreed.

                "Stand over here and cast your ward. I will cast a simple Flame spell when you are ready."

                I winced. "Of course.” I murmured, suppressing a wince.

                Moving to the requested spot I waited until he was standing across from me, runes shimmering above his hand and called the familiar spell into my hand, watching it shimmer, casting outward, watching Tolfdir’s spell splash harmlessly against it, dropping it as soon as it was gone, feeling the pull on my magic. Even if I can block it…. I will never like fire magic. The Thalmor only cemented that.

                As the class moved on; I found myself watching the other students more than participating, casting the ward only three or four more times before the end of the lesson, relieved I wasn’t asked to test anyone else’s wards.

                After an hour or so Tolfdir called a halt. “We're going up to the Arcanaeum. I would like each of you to spend some time familiarizing yourself with what we've pulled out of Saarthal so far." He ordered, waving toward the exit, ignoring the grumbles of the other students and Lucien’s excitement.

                "You're exploring Saarthal?" I asked, following him and Esbern toward a staircase.

                "Yes. It really is quite wonderful. And thus far not so dangerous that we cannot bring some of the newer apprentices." He smiled. "I dare say that you'll not be in this class for long. Your ward was noticeably stronger by the end of the class."

                "Yes." I agreed. "I believe between the sleep, the robes and going over some of the basics I'll be recovered within a few days. It was certainly a warning I needed." I frowned. "I would appreciate the chance to go along on the Saarthal expedition. There may be a Word Wall inside. I would like to try to find it."

                "Hmm, you are familiar with delving into Nordic Ruins I take it?"

                "Yes." I responded. More familiar than I'd like.

                "Then perhaps it would be a good thing. I had been hoping to delve further into the ruins. If we had you and your companions along it would be a more viable option." He mused.

                "I too would like the chance to see Saarthal." Esbern said. "The amount of history in that ruin." He sighed. "It would be a travesty to miss it." He paused near the entrance and turned to me. "Dragonborn. If I might speak with you?"

                "Of course." I responded, moving with him into a quiet corner of the Arcanaeum, trying not to get distracted by the books we were passing.

                "I sent an encoded message to our mutual friend." He murmured, looking around swiftly and I remembered what Kaidan had said about a Thalmor presence. "I expect them to respond promptly. Once they have, we can decide what to do from there."

                "Alright." I agreed. "Have you learned anything here?"

                "Yes. I... would like time to finish examining all of what I have gathered before laying it out for you though. I want to be certain of my research."

                "I understand." I assured him. “I’ll leave you to it.”

                Turning, I felt a slight jump of nerves as I spotted the two Breton women standing awkwardly at the end of the row of shelves. Moving as swiftly as my energy allowed, I smiled at them. "Matitrice, Malvhine. You've grown up so much."

                Mati laughed, her green eyes sparkling. "Silka." She greeted, moving in to embrace me, Mal moving in after her. "Letters aren't the same. We've missed you."

                "And I you." I admitted, hugging them both tightly. I try not to think about you too often. Knowing you both are safe is enough to keep me from worrying too much.

                "Why've you avoided the college so long?" Mal asked, her brown eyed gaze sharp.

                "I never wanted you to feel you had to choose between me and Sarlfi." I responded honestly. "And I could not risk coming at the same time as he did."

                "Is Daggvar really that bad?" Mati wondered. "Sarlfi said you were avoiding him because of their friendship.”

                I bowed my head, thinking of our last meeting, worry for Kai lodging in my chest. "Yes." I said finally. "He is."

                "Then we understand." Mal responded, exchanging glances with Mat. "But give Sarlfi another chance, would you? He's different since he met Elilia."

                Daggvar is not the only reason I have problems with Sarlfi. “I’m glad to hear it. I’ll think on it.”

                “We’re really glad you’re going to be alright.” Mati murmured. “We best get moving. Mal’s technically still banned from here and I’ve got lessons with Faralda soon. But drinks soon? In town?”

                I nodded, giving them a genuine smile. “Yes. Of course.”

                They gave me another fierce hug, holding tightly for a long moment before darting away.

                I stared after them. I will never be as close to them as I am Nev. But I am glad to see they are well.

                Shivering as my strength ebbed, I wandered through the stacks, hoping to come across Kaidan, heart sinking lower with every aisle.

                Footsteps echoed behind me, and I turned, hope rising, feeling my shoulders sag as Master Tolfdir and Lucien approached. “It is time to depart for the Dig Site. Do you need to make any preparations?” He asked.

                Kai. Where are you? I forced a smile. “I just need to grab my cloak.”

Chapter Text

Chapter 36: Laying Groundwork

Kaidan: Winterhold

Downing the rest of my mead I leaned back in my chair. I don't like sleeping alone. I'm not used to it. Rubbing my hand over my face I leaned forward onto the table. Was I too harsh on her? Mm. Maybe. Grabbing a chunk of the bread and slipping it to Meeko I considered the rest of my meal. She downplays the risks. I never know. I never know if her next spell is going to be her last. If only there were a way to convince her to not use any of it. Or maybe cut back to only Restoration. Perhaps we can treat it like any other addiction.

"Ah. Excuse me."

I looked up to see a Courier standing by the table. "Yes?"

He held out a pamphlet. "There's a new museum opening up in Dawnstar. The proprietor asked me to hand these out."

Seems a waste of money. "Thanks." I responded, taking it from him.

Opening it, I frowned as I registered the words on the page.

Silus Vesuius Presents

The Museum of the Mythic Dawn

A history of the Cult that Toppled the

Septim Dynasty

Inside of his very own home in the

great capital of the Pale, Dawnstar

Free and open to all citizens of Skyrim

I stared at it; certain I couldn't be reading it properly. Someone Wants to remember them? Someone is trying to revive... Unless it's tied... Is this the cults way of telling me they know I'm in Skyrim? Uneasy I folded it, tapping my fingers on the table. It could be a coincidence. I can't tell Silka. She'll want to do something about it. If the cult is here. In Skyrim, as the Jarl of Morthal said. The last thing I need is to draw attention to her. No. I'll have to figure this out on my own.

Looking around, I frowned as I spotted Inigo making his way swiftly toward me. "There you are my friend." He greeted, patting Meeko and Blue.

"What is it?" I asked, worry for Silka warming my veins.

He came in close, keeping his voice low. "The mages are going into Saarthal today."

"Saarthal?" I asked, certain I couldn't have heard right. "Really? That's not just rumors?"

"Did you want to come? Tolfdir said he would be pleased at the possibility of getting further into the ruin. They haven't gone too far as they don't want to risk the students. They're not experienced dealing with Draugr." He smiled. "Silka is going."

"Is she recovered enough for that?" I protested.

"She believes she may find a word wall inside." He responded.

"Aye." I agreed. "That is entirely possible. Alright. Let's go." Rising, I left a few more coins on the table, pulling my cloak over my shoulders as I followed Inigo toward the door, the dogs moving to my side.

The walk to Saarthal was brutally cold and I felt my mood souring before we even stepped into the ruin. "Ah. There you are." Lucien greeted. "Isn't it fascinating down here?" He asked. "Look at how ancient it is!"

"It is indeed interesting." Inigo murmured. "I am not looking forward to the Draugr."

Lucien grimaced. "On that we're in agreement. Oh. Silka's further that way."

Brushing past him I followed Blue as she moved through the ruins wagging her tail, ignoring the mages chattering over things they found, a little surprised to see Esbern in deep conversation with one of the college mages. Suppose he is a mage himself.

"Yol!" The Shout startled me, and I bolted forward.

"Fascinating." An older mage was saying, and I reached him quickly to find him standing next to Silka by a crumbled rock. She absently stroked Blue's ears when the pup jumped on her leg and I couldn't stop the small smile as the mage continued. "You're not the first to try and pull that amulet off the wall. But it responded to you only."

"Can't say I enjoyed the experience." She responded dryly and I felt worry flare as I heard the weariness in her voice. "Only gets being locked behind a door once to not want to repeat the exercise."

He made a noncommittal noise. "Well. Be on your guard as we go further."

Silka looked up, her face brightening. "Kaidan."

"You should be resting." I grumbled.

"Ah. Yes." The old mage said. "She indicated that she believes there is a Word Wall in here. And as you don't plan to stay here much longer, we were worried she wouldn't get a chance to get down here."

I'm relieved you don't intend to stick around. "Stay behind me." I murmured.

She sighed, glancing at the floor. "Alright."

I felt my brow furrow. Surely you realize how drained you are.

Stepping into the next room I wasn't at all surprised to see the sarcophagi pop open, guarding Silka from the Draugr that moved toward us, scowling at the magic being flung. Lifting my arm to sheath my blade I felt a strange prickling in my neck, and everything slowed down, turning almost grey. 

"That was the strangest sensation I've ever felt in my life." The old mage said as color seemed to return to the world. "Did you feel that?" He asked, looking at me and Silka.

"I'm... going to hazard a guess that neither of you saw the robed man?" She asked, resting her hand on the back of her neck. "Full of dire warnings and conciliatory comments?"

I shook my head, skin crawling. "No." Fuck I hate magic.

"Nor did I." The old mage said. "Did he say who he was?"

"He did. Although I suspect you won't believe me when I tell you."

"Come now child. I've seen a great many things. What could you possibly tell me that I would find odd?"

"He claimed to be a member of the Psijic Order." She said flatly. "That by entering here we've set a chain of events into motion that cannot be stopped." She sighed, looking wearier.

"What else? That seems a dire warning. Was there any hope along with it?" He asked, looking alarmed.

"Yes. He said there's a way to stop it, but he was vague as to the how. I'll explain better later. I need to conserve my energy for the ruin."

"Of course." He agreed.

I moved closer to her, resting a hand on her cheek, scowling at how cool she was to the touch. "I'm here for ya." I whispered.

Tears welled in her eyes, and she lifted a hand to rest on mine. "I'm glad. I was... worried." She murmured.

I winced. "I was just..." I sighed, leaning in to kiss her forehead. "I was angry love. Angry and worried. But we'll figure out how to navigate the magic thing."

"Alright." She agreed. "Let's find that wall and get outside. I could use some fresh air."

Moving further in I scowled as we entered the large room filled with Sarcophagi. "What do you bet they all shatter open." I grumbled.

"Oh, I certainly hope not!" The old mage said, sighing heavily when they started popping. "I suppose we're about to find out."

"I'll catch up to you. Get further ahead." The old mage said, eying the piles of Draugr. "I'll wait here for Esbern and record some of the runes in here."

"Alright." I agreed, moving further along with Silka, occasionally throwing glances at her, worried about how she was holding up, picking off each of the Draugr as we moved, doubling back to check on her after each one, worried that she’d try to fight one on her own in her weakened state.

"I'm not made of glass Kaidan." She murmured, brushing her robes off as I gave her a hand up a set of stairs after she'd Shouted the helmeted Draugr off them.

"Silka. Let me worry about you." I grumbled, irritation simmering under my skin. You shouldn't be down here at all, let alone using your gift. Fucking idiotic mages.

She shook her head, lifting to kiss me lightly, tucking her head against me as I embraced her, keeping it lighter than usual, very aware that she was wearing robes instead of her usual armor. Another reason you shouldn’t be down here.

“Alright. Let’s keep moving.” She murmured. “Sooner through the sooner we can get back to the College.”

I wrinkled my nose. I’d rather go anywhere but there but… let’s focus on getting out of here first. Then I’ll bring it up.

As she directed my shifting of some stone pillars, she folded her arms over her chest. "What..." She sighed. "What's eating at you?" She asked. "Why won't you just tell me why you hate magic? Help me understand Kaidan." She whispered. "Please."

"I really don't think now is the right time for this conversation." I grunted, glancing away from her as I pushed painful memories back.

"Then when?" She asked, her voice tinged with frustration.

"Soon." I responded, reaching out and pulling her into me. "Soon." I repeated, lifting her chin to study her face, leaning in to kiss her. "I promise."

"Alright." She agreed, pulling away and reaching for her weapon as footsteps pounded toward us, breathing a sigh of relief as it proved to be Inigo, Lucien, Esbern and the old mage.

"Thought it was about time that I caught up to you. You've been busy." He complimented.

Silka nodded. "We were about to open this door."

"By all means. Don't let me stop you." He said, looking around as Inigo moved to Silka’s side, tail twitching.

"You alright Inigo?" Silka asked.

Inigo shrugged. "I do not like underground spaces."

Nodding her understanding she lifted the switch and frowned, glancing at the old mage. "Do you feel that?" She asked.

"Yes." He agreed, Esbern and Lucien exchanging uncomfortable glances and I felt the hair rise on the back of my neck.

Stepping into the next room the mages gasped at the enormous orb floating below us.

"What on Nirn?" The old mage whispered.

"I've heard whispers." Esbern said, his voice low.

"I don't like it." Silka grumbled and I gave her an appreciative look. "Be ready for a fight." She added, pointing to the well armored Draugr starting to his feet.

"Hmph." Inigo responded, loosing an arrow, hissing when it bounced off.

"Flicker on the orb." Esbern said. "It's protecting the Draugr. We're going to have to seal it away from it."

"Agreed." The old mage said, hesitating as the Draugr looked up at us.

I flinched when Silka darted to the path down. "Wuld!" She Shouted, drawing the Draugr's attention.

Damn it Silka. You're not Recovered. Sprinting down after her I felt my stomach sour as it cornered her, saying something in its guttural language.

"Feim."

Just as his attack cleaved through the air toward her, she went Ethereal and it roared with rage, turning on Inigo, running toward him, trying to ignore the dogs as they wove around his feet.

"Now!" Lucien cried. "Hit him while he's vulnerable!"

With a roar I darted in, bringing my blade down on its shoulder and back, cleaving through with all my strength.

"Well done." Inigo said, moving closer to me to pat me on the shoulder.

I nodded, looking for Silka, frowning to find her crouched by the Draugr, reading a sheet of paper. She sighed, looking over at Lucien. "Lucien. Have you ever heard of the Gauldur Amulet?" She asked, rising, showing him an amulet in her hand.

He frowned, moving forward, and grabbing the sheet of paper from her. "This is compelling and worrying." He said, looking up at her. "What do you want to do with it?"

She shrugged. "Well, not leaving it here." She turned, frowning up at the orb. "I have a feeling this is what the Psijic was talking about."

"It likely is!" The old mage crowed, then frowned, turning to look at Silka. "Go find your wall. See if you can't get back to the college and tell the Arch Mage about this. He needs to know."

"Alright." She agreed, "Esbern. Are you staying down here or coming with us?"

"I'd like to see the process by which you learn a new word so I will go with you." He responded, moving toward the far door.

Silka nodded, giving the orb another uneasy glance as we crossed the room. I glanced up at it myself, feeling my skin crawl. Obviously magical. I don’t like it. It was buried for a reason.

"It's so big." Lucien whispered. "And it just seemed to absorb our shock spells. It's fascinating."

"Mmhmm." Silka responded, pushing the next door open. "Mm. Word wall. As suspected." She said tiredly, moving toward it. Reaching a hand up toward it she staggered slightly, bowing her head. "Alright. Let's get out of here." She added, smiling up at me as I grasped her arm gently, offering her support.

I stuck close to Silka as we made our way back toward the college, not happy with how tired she seemed, worry eating at me. She was too weak for that trip. They should never have let her go. Damnable Mages. Risking her in their quest for knowledge.

Following Silka up the stairs I watched her movements, resisting the urge to pick her up and carry her to the Arch Mages office, knowing she would protest the action.

Rapping on the Arch Mages door she waited for it to click and pushed it open, moving slowly forward as I tensed seeing the man standing near the Arch Mages desk. Thalmor.

"I hope whatever you're here for is important. You interrupted our meeting." The Thalmor growled.

"Whether it is or not is not for you to decide." Silka responded tiredly. "As I am not here to speak with you."

"The Arch Mage knows better than to keep secrets from me." He spat. "And anything the Dragonborn deems important to the College is likely important to the Dominion as well."

The Dunmer shook his head. "Ancano. I will speak with you later. I'm certain that if it relates to the lessons the Dragonborn was attending today it is merely her impressions on how the students in Tolfdir's care are adjusting to searching Nordic ruins."

"And her entourage?" Ancano asked mildly, lifting an eyebrow.

"They are her protectors of course." The Arch Mage said, his tone just as mild. "Or have you forgotten what your superiors told you?" He asked, giving him a level look when the High Elf's expression soured.

"Remember who has the power in this relationship Arch Mage." He spat. "If the Thalmor wanted to see the end of the College it would be simple." He grumbled, stalking out of the room, sending Silka a venomous glare.

"You should be resting." The Arch Mage reprimanded softly.

"I'll get to it." Silka responded. "There's something in Saarthal. I'm honestly... if it is what I think it is." She sighed, wavering slightly on her feet. "Tolfdir wanted you to go look at it. But all I can think of is what precipitated the Night of Tears."

"What do you know of the Night of Tears?" He asked, leaning back in his chair as Esbern and Lucien both stared at her.

"Mostly what Viarmo and Giraud could track down in the books at the Bards College." She said cryptically and I frowned. What could be so bad that you won’t just say it?

"I should've known." He sighed. "If this is the case. It will draw a lot of attention to the college. You could help us with this I am sure, but I do not want it to be a distraction from your duty as the Dragonborn."  

I rolled my eyes. How magnanimous of you.

He tapped his fingers on his arm. "I had hoped to keep you here long enough to help you regain full strength in your magic and perhaps strengthen it further. You'll have to keep on as you've been doing. Just be more cautious about high level spells. Do not touch any Master level spells again. Until you've strengthened your magical core there is no guarantee that what happened last time will not happen again. Or worse." He grimaced as I glanced at Silka. Even he’s admitting magic can be dangerous. "You'll want to leave for Whiterun tomorrow. Expect Ancano to attempt to bait you into a duel before you leave. He's irritated that I've taken an interest in someone with no Destruction capabilities. Whether you accept his challenge or not will be up to your discretion."

I scowled. A duel? In her state? Preposterous.

"There is one more thing." She said softly. "When we made it into the first room beyond what had already been excavated a Psijic showed up."

"You're certain?" Esbern broke in. "You're sure? But they haven't been seen in..." He broke off when the Arch Mage stood up.

"That they are seeking to meddle." He murmured, pacing behind his desk. "Who else knows? Beyond this room?"

"Master Tolfdir." She responded. "Although neither he nor Kaidan saw him."

"Not unexpected. The Psijics have power that we can hardly dare conceive of. That he sought you out directly. Did he say why?"

"He said I would have a chance to stop what had been put into motion."

"I was afraid you would say that. So, the pressures on you increase." He sighed as I felt my eyes narrow, moving around the desk and walking over to Silka. "Go. Get out of Winterhold while you can. I will see what can be done in regards to what was found." He sighed. "Focus on one destiny at a time."

What does That mean?

"I would speak with you Kaidan." He said. "The rest of you. I suggest you get ready to leave the College."

Silka nodded slightly and made to leave, and I gave her a long look. I don't want to be stuck alone with this powerful a mage. It makes me uncomfortable. The Arch Mage caught my expression and shrugged.

"I understand your discomfort with me Kaidan. But I highly suggest that Silka not be here to hear what I have to say."

I frowned, hesitating then nodded sharply when she gave me a concerned look, waiting for the mage to say something.

He waited until the others had left then sat on his desk. "It cannot be left unsaid. Silka needs to know." He said sharply. "She needs to know what you've been researching."

I bristled. "She knows we've been looking into removing the mark. She has been aware of that for some time. The librarian claims the books that detail the ritual required were stolen."

He sighed heavily, looking steadily at me. "Not that." He responded. "I do not normally meddle in interpersonal affairs. But she needs to know that you've been searching for methods for a mage to be severed from their magic."

I scowled, crossing my arms over my chest. "Her last major spell nearly killed her." I snapped. "And everything I read spoke of how addictive magic is. Why wouldn't I look into it?"

"Yes well, I think alluring might be a better term than addicting. But the information you are seeking does exist." He said and his eyes narrowed. "You would have found it if you'd begun researching rituals of Daedric Cults. In fact, I believe that Mehrunes Dagon's cultists often use one."

I frowned at the look he was giving me, brushing it off, racking my memories, trying to remember if I'd seen such a ritual performed. I doubt I would have recognized it for what it was. "Why are you telling me this?” I asked finally. “I did not think you would approve."

"What part of "Daedric Cultists" sounds like approval?" He asked. "Why are you so determined to cut her off from something that is a part of her?"

"I already told you." I growled. "Her last spell nearly killed her." I need to protect her. Magic destroys Everything it touches. I'll be damned if I lose her to it.

"Yes. And she has learned from it. Are you going to tell me that you..." He paused and closed his eyes. "I'm wasting my breath. Let me make one thing clear young man. Losing your magic is akin to having your still beating heart ripped from your chest. Only instead of dying immediately from blood loss, you feel the pain in every fiber of your being. In every particle of your soul until you die. Sometimes hours later. Sometimes weeks." He scoffed. "I've only heard of one person surviving and he has Hermaeus Mora scrambling around in his head. Whether he is still in pain? I do not know." He stood and looked up at me. "So, you have a decision to make. Does your hatred and mistrust of mages and magic extend to the one you love?" He sighed.

"Or she could just stop using magic." I countered, mulling over his words. He must be exaggerating. The Arch Mage would not want to lose as talented a mage as Silka. He would not want her to give it up.

"So, it does extend to Silka." He said softly. "That is... unfortunate. Magic is an intrinsic part of her. Until you believe that. Until you accept that." He met my eyes, his back straight. "You cannot support her. And what's more. You are a danger to her."

I jerked back a step, shock warring with rage. "I am Trying to protect her. And all you Fucking mages seem determined to paint magic as a useful tool that she should cultivate. She Nearly Died."

He gave me a pitying look and I felt my temper rise further. "Go." He said softly. "Go. Let my words simmer. Remember them. I hope that by the time you understand that I am telling the truth it is not too late."

Turning away, my jaw clenched tightly I paused at the top of the stairs when he spoke again. "As to the mark. You can either recover the books. Or seek out her elder brother again. Ask him if his wife still bears her mark."

Grunting I strode away, storming through the halls, glaring at every mage I came across. I hate how he seems to know everything that goes on here. I can’t wait to get away from this Fucking place.

Pushing the door to the room Silka was using open I stopped, staring at the stacks of magic tomes piled on every available surface, Silka sitting in a chair, sipping at a mug. "What is this?" I grumbled, trying to keep the rage out of my voice.

She looked up, her eyes bright. "Hey you." She said, her voice soft, welcoming. She looked around the room, seemingly proud of herself. "These are all the spells I know. I figured that maybe we could look them over together and you could tell me which ones your most comfortable with and which ones you think you Could become comfortable with?" She asked, looking up at me, her eyes sparkling then sobered. "I know." She sighed, glancing down. "I know I messed up. Not. Not telling you the risks. Not letting you have an informed say. I'm sorry." She frowned.  "I want to make sure it doesn't happen again."

I took a deep breath, relieved that she'd admitted it, then surveyed the room again. You want to know which ones I'm comfortable with? I walked slowly through the room, looking at the titles, strangling the urge to sweep them all onto the floor and demand she use none of them. With a heavy sigh I stripped my armor off. "Before we do." I smiled, reaching a hand out toward her. "C'mere you."

Setting the mug aside with a small smile she reached her hand out to me, letting me pull her to her feet and wrap her in a warm embrace. "Kaidan?" She murmured.

"Yes love?" I whispered, feeling my stress ease as I held her. I will not lose you.

"Next time. Next time you're angry and need time. Please just tell me?"

My breath caught at the echoes of pain in her voice. "Of course, sweetheart." I promised. "I'll do my best."

"Thank you." She murmured, pressing into me. "Love you."

"I love you too." I responded, lifting her chin, and kissing her gently. "So much."

She smiled. "I'm glad to hear it." She leaned against me. "Can you tell me now?" She whispered. "Can you tell me why you hate magic so much?"

I froze, feeling my arms tighten slightly around her, staring blankly around the room as I recalled the scent of the magic, the searing heat as it burned my skin, Rosalind's taunts. "Not here." I managed. "Not here."

She pulled back slightly, resting her hands on my face. "Alright." She agreed. "I'm sorry."

I tightened my hold on her, burying my face in her shoulder. She's giving me power here. Power to decide what I'm comfortable with. It's my best chance. Kissing the top of her head I released her. "Alright." I said slowly. "Let's do this." Turning to the books I started reading names, dropping the healing tomes on the bed, frowning through the others before begrudgingly adding oakflesh, alarm and her pathfinding spell.

Looking at the bed, the small stack of books I crossed my arms over my chest. A good start. And once she's broken her addiction to alteration and illusion most the way, perhaps I can talk her into more protective armor, and I'll buy her a compass. Replace those spells. Turning to her I lifted an eyebrow, noting the worry on her face.

"I'm sorry Kai." She whispered. "I didn't realize it was that bad." She took a deep breath. "It'll. It'll be painful but if this is what you're comfortable with." She gave me a ghost of her usual smile. "I'll do my best."

"That's all I can ask." I responded. "Thank you." Hopefully magic addiction is not too much like breaking free of Skooma. But I'll be there for her. We'll get through this.

She bit her lip. "Yeah. Do you think... maybe..." She shook her head. "Never mind. I'll ask later. My sisters wanted to have dinner at the Frozen Hearth. They wanted to do it tomorrow but since we're leaving in the morning. I asked if they wouldn't mind doing it tonight. Would you like to come?"

I considered it then nodded. "Aye. It sounds pleasant."

Chapter Text

Chapter 37: Going South

Silka: Winterhold

"Mal. If you don't mind my asking. Just how did you manage to get banned from the Arcanaeum?" I asked, pushing my plate away from me so I could lean on the table.

"It's Orthorn's fault." She responded. "Bastard. I caught him stealing books and..." She trailed off, scratching her nose, looking embarrassed. "I may have erm. Well, you know how Urag threatens everyone with dismemberment if they mess with his books? How he'd conjure angry Atronachs?"

Glancing at Kaidan, I relaxed as I noted that he looked more amused than worried. "Yes. I've heard. Haven't had the pleasure to hear those words from him personally."

"Well. I summoned a Frost Atronach. In the Arcanaeum." She flushed bright red when I couldn't stop the grin.

"How did that go?"

"Turns out Urag hasn't actually followed through with that threat in..." She tapped her chin while Mati rolled her eyes, arms folded over her chest.

"You forget the math Mal?" She asked.

"Yes. Do you remember?"

"Forty years." She responded promptly.

"So, what happened to this Orthorn?" Kaidan asked.

"Well, during my lecture from Urag he managed to escape. Took the books with him." She admitted. "I thought Urag was going to pop a vein, he was so mad. Kept going on about how I should know better. How I disappointed him." She heaved a heavy sigh. "And then he banished me from the Arcanaeum for six months."

"How long have you been at the college?" Kai asked.

"About seven years now." Mati said. "Silka cooked up a plan to get us here and Sarlfi and Nev escorted us. With Elilia."

"I didn't know Elilia joined you." I murmured.

"Oh yeah." Mal said brightly. "Sarlfi was real upset about something before we left. And he ran into Elilia in the woods, right? And asked her if she wanted to come. Get to know him before they got married. She made it snow on him once. Used a frost spell. I think she was annoyed with something he'd said but he was so fascinated by it that it completely distracted him." She laughed. "She said he was too cute to stay mad at."

“They really are perfectly matched." Mati agreed. "He still doesn't understand Anything about magic. I swear he's hit his head too many times. But the last time she was here she told me he likes to watch her study and practice her new spells."

Hiding a trembling mouth behind my wine cup I took a sip, trying to identify the stabbing sensation in my chest. Am I jealous of Sarlfi? Of Sarlfi's relationship? What is wrong with me?

Mal sighed. "I hope I find a partner like that." She shook her head, downing half her goblet of wine. "I can't even imagine what it would be like to be with someone who didn't like magic." She shrugged, not seeming to notice the flicker of anger on Kai's face. "Oh, I got a letter from Nev this afternoon." She said, and I hid my relief at the subject change. "He said he's going to hole up in Whiterun. Said he has a message he needs to give Sarlfi, but he wanted me to tell you, he plans to get it to him after you make it to Whiterun."

“Thank you.” I said easily, pleased that he’d made it safely there.

"Silka." Mati started slowly. "I know you can take care of yourself. But." She shifted in her seat. "I heard Ancano muttering, and I was wondering if you wanted me to foul him up so you can get out of here on time?" She rubbed at the tip of her ear. "I know you can duel. Even without Destruction. You've got your Alteration. But..."

Not with Kaidan pairing my spells down to what he's comfortable with. There's not a single offensive spell in the bunch. I tried not to let my irritation show on my face, just waited for her to continue.

"But you were just laid up." Mal agreed. "It'd be no skin off our nose." She grinned. "And we never really got to properly pay you back for your part in us getting here."

"You don't have to pay me back." I countered. "But yes. That would be helpful. I'm certain I won't be able to dodge it forever but a respite until I'm at full strength would be welcome."

"This is going to be fun." Mal said, sharing a small smile with her twin. "What time is it? We'll have to move fast." She hopped up, moving around the table to give me a hug. "Take me on a dragon hunt someday, would you? I want to see if I can put a dent in one with my bows."

"You need practice before you could do that." Mati grumbled before I could respond. "Right now, they're more flash than substance." Sliding off her chair she came and gave me a hug as well. "You'll write more often?"

"I'll try." I promised. "It was good to see you both. We'll have to spend more time catching up next time I'm here."

Mal grinned. "It was nice to meet you Kaidan." She said.

"You as well." He said gravely.

She laughed, darting away. Mati didn't release me, and I wiggled my arm free, giving her a tight hug back.

"Hey Sil? Would you mind if I talked to Kaidan in private? I need to ask him about something I overheard."

I smiled. "Course not."

She nodded. "Do you mind?" She asked.

Kai shook his head. "I don't mind." He murmured, rising from his seat, and walking with her toward the door.

Setting coins on the table to pay for the meal, I finished off my wine slowly. How do I start explaining that his spell minimizing solution won't work in the long-term? How do I word it, so he'll understand? I feel like I'm missing something about his intentions. And I know I'm missing why he hates magic so much. I just hope he really will tell me. And soon. So, we can work with it.

A few minutes later Kaidan came striding back in. Approaching the table, he offered me his hand. "Let's get some rest so we can leave tomorrow." He murmured.

I accepted his hand with a smile. "Nothing bad from Mati I hope?"

"Nothing too unexpected." He responded. "I get the feeling she's overlooked a lot and hears more than others realize."

"Mal is the flashy twin." I agreed. "Couple years ago, she backlashed pretty hard with a destruction spell. Laid her out for a few weeks. Since then, the two have taken great pains to make sure they’re too strong for it to ever happen again." I smiled fondly as we walked. “It was good to see them again.”

"I'm glad you were able to." Kai remarked, his voice very low. "You're not concerned about them tangling with the Thalmor?"

"No. They're smart. They wouldn't have offered if they weren't certain of the outcome. And none of the mages here seem to like him." I sighed. "Besides, it's not like I'd be able to do anything about him without breaking my word."

"You have your axe and pick." He grumbled.

I stopped walking, turning to look up at him, watching the wind ruffle his hair as he turned toward me. "It wouldn't be that kind of duel Kai."

"He'd really suggest it after you were injured so badly. Fucking Thalmor. And the Arch-Mage saying it was your choice. So much for caring what happens to you."

"But it is my choice." I countered.

He snorted, his mood obviously souring as we started walking again.

"Would you rather spend the night in the inn?" I whispered, loath to be apart from him again but not wanting to cause him more discomfort.

He shook his head. "Can't get away from mages even there." He groused. "At least in this place I have you."

I smiled up at him. "You do." I agreed, feeling my smile slip as I looked away. With how you talk about other mages. How long can you hate my magic before you start hating me?

"What's on your mind sweetheart?" He asked, drawing me closer to him, lifting my head.

"I'm scared." I admitted. I'm scared I'm going to lose you because of magic. And at this point. I'm not convinced I'm the only one to blame.

"I'm here for ya." He murmured. "Is there anything I can do?"

"I don't know." I sighed, staring out over the Sea. I want to show you. I want to show you what magic means to me. But I don't know how. "What did you want to do as far as the Mark?" I asked, turning back to him. "You're having so much difficulty with magic. And I'm not sure there would be a way without some sort of ritual spell."

He grimaced. "The Arch-Mage suggested that I speak with your brother again. That I ask him if his wife still has hers."

I felt my brow furrow. "I don't understand."

"Your brother Sarlfi was here." He explained. "He gave his wife a mark."

I jerked back. "I'm... with everything the twins and Nev say about him. I am..." I sighed, considering my scars. "They said he was different."

"He was livid." He started slowly. "When I asked him how to get rid of one. When he realized what that meant."

"Oh?" I asked mildly, pulling back, and folding my arms.

"He asked Daggvar for information about how to create one. He had assumed that he didn't understand the pain and danger it would put his wife in. When he realized that he was wrong." He huffed out a small laugh. "I was concerned I was about to see the reputation of the librarian in person."

I considered that, staring out across the Sea again. "He's deferred to Daggvar's knowledge for a very long time. Especially in regards to anything magical." I wonder if he never saw the cruelty in his best friend. Or thought it was just a bad temper to match his own. Or... it's just that there was no one else to turn to for aid after his mentor died. I almost feel sorry for him. I frowned. "For the second time tonight I'm having unexpected feelings about my brother. And I'm not sure I appreciate that." I grumbled.

"The second time?" He asked.

I felt tears well in my eyes, blinking them back hurriedly. "Yes. Something that Mati said during dinner." I shook my head. I can't tell you I'm jealous that he accepts his wife's magic. Not without upsetting you. "Let's get some sleep."

Waking slowly, I slipped out of the bed, relieved that it was easier today. Healing. Good. That will make things easier. Looking for Kaidan I smiled to find him checking our gear. "Morning Kai."

He looked up at me, a soft smile on his face. "Morning beautiful. You're looking a little better today."

"I feel better."

"There was a bit of shouting earlier. Poked my head out." He smirked. "Your sisters pulled through. Seems the Thalmor is sealed in his chambers, and no one is quite sure how to remove the spell keeping him there."

I laughed. "Wonder how long the Arch-Mage is going to leave him there."

"Let's not stick around to find out."

"Agreed." I do wonder. Just how angry is he going to be the next time I run into him? I won't be able to avoid a duel then. And I can only hope that things have progressed with the spells so I can properly fight back without breaking my word.

Between Winterhold and Whiterun

Sitting quietly next to the fire I tried to examine my magic, feeling prickles that edged just shy of pain as I explored how it was healing. It's not healing as well as I expected by now.

"Are you alright Dragonborn?" Esbern asked quietly, sitting next to me, mimicking my posture as Lucien sat on my other side. "It seems that your magic is not yet recovered."

"It's taking longer than expected." I agreed.

"Do you truly not understand why that is?" He pressed.

I groaned, leaning forward. "I haven't been using enough magic. I know. But I've never had it struggle against my hold so quickly." I made a promise. Once Kaidan tells me Why he hates magic so much. We can work on it. Together. We can figure it out. And I can start easing back into using more magic. But Shor knows it's been difficult not using more than what he's comfortable with.

"The stronger you are Dragonborn. The harder it is to set it aside. You can tap into pools of magicka that some mages can never reach in their lifetime. You cannot turn your back on it. Not without severe repercussions." He sighed. "You were unconscious for several weeks. You must count that when you consider why your magic already escapes your hold. And you must start using it again soon. You are going to lose control."

"I know." I sighed, glancing toward where Kaidan and Inigo were talking over routes while the cart driver slept nearby. "I made a promise. That I would use it less until." I sighed. "Until he became more comfortable. I messed up when I didn't tell him all the risks of the ritual spell I cast."

"Dragonborn." He chided. "You are going to need all of your skills in order to face Alduin. Do not put the fate of the world at risk just for the sake of a man." He frowned. "Do not put yourself at risk."

"I'll keep that in mind." I promised, cringing at the pitying look Lucien was giving me.

"See that you do. It might not feel like it. But life moves on. With." He sighed. "With or without love." Closing his eyes, I sensed him drawing his magic into himself, small flickers of flame then frost spinning around him as he meditated.

Show off. Grumbling under my breath I prodded at my magic again, ordering it to behave as Alteration sparked beneath my grip. Temperamental beast. I am surprised I haven't lost grip on Illusion though. Maybe because it was one of the first ones I learned? Maybe I have it better in hand?

Staring into the fire I tried to remember the last time I'd tried to close magic off from myself. Is that part of it? I've gone without magic... well... never more than a couple days. With the exception of when... I pulled my legs closer to my chest. The Thalmor. And Daggvar.

"When the headaches start. Remember what I told you." Esbern said, standing up and moving toward his bedroll.

"Did you want me to talk to Kaidan?" Lucien asked, frowning. "Do you think he'd listen to me?"

"I honestly don't know Lucien."

He sighed. "On the topic of men and magic." He tapped his leg. "And not to detract from your current situation."

"Spit it out Lucien."

"How does Nevian feel about magic?" He asked, flushing when I looked at him.

I smirked. "He doesn't mind it, Lucien. He grew up with mages. He saw what I was like when I was just learning how to control it." I smiled. "The look on his face when I first turned invisible was something else." I laughed. "Of course, it was an accident. I was trying to figure out how to use Chameleon. And poof." 

"But you figured it out?" He laughed.

"I did. Chameleon..." I sighed. "Chameleon has saved my life more than once. It was the first spell I ever mastered. And I used it to follow my grandmother once. Before she vanished. Right before she vanished." I suppressed the sigh with effort. "She was meeting with another Blade. He was. He was trying to convince her that her and Azalet should get out of Skyrim. Said that was his plan."

"What happened?"

"She told him it would be difficult. With two kids to bring with them. He laughed at her. Said he had a kid with him. That you just had to choose the right place to cross the border."

"Did you see the kid?" He asked.

I shook my head. "They were sleeping. It was pretty late."

"Did your grandmother catch you?"

I nodded. "She did." I admitted. "I could feel the spell wearing off and recast it. And she sensed it." I flushed. "I'm lucky she did. Cause the Blade did too and Kaidan's the first person I've seen since him move that fast to draw a longsword. If grandma hadn't grabbed his arm, he would've been all the way across the clearing I think."

"Then what happened?" He asked eagerly, leaning forward.

"She told me that if she could find traces of me anywhere outside my bed in the next half hour that I'd be running drills in every rainstorm for a month."

"Ugh. That sounds awful!"

I laughed, feeling warmed and amused by his reaction. "It was supposed to be awful Lucien. It was incentive for me to run home." I sighed. "That was the last time I saw her."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's in the past.” I frowned. “I wonder what she'd think now. What she'd think of what me and Nev have become."

"She'd be proud of you." Kaidan said, his voice warm.

"You think so?" I asked, looking up at him.

"Yes." He reached his hand toward me, and I accepted it, letting him pull me to my feet. "We've figured the routes. Did you want to look it over?"

"Sure." I agreed, walking with him.

Leaning against him as he went over the plan with me, I sighed as I felt the first pinprick of a tear. "What is it sweetheart?"

"Why does everything have to be so complicated?" I murmured. "Not the routes.” I added quickly. “Those are fine."

"Then what?"

"You and me." I whispered, looking up at him, feeling a pang when his brow furrowed. "You fell in love with a mage, and I fell in love with someone who hates magic." I gave him a shaky smile. "I'm not sure how we're going to make it work." I admitted, feeling my heart ache at the pain in his eyes. "But you mean so much to me. I..."

"We'll work it out sweetheart." He said. "I've... you remember that I told you I fell into bad habits after Brynjar. It took time. And it was hard. But I got through it. You'll be fine. I won't leave your side."

"Kaidan. You know magic isn't a drug, right?"

He sighed. "Every book I found in that library spoke of how addictive magic is. How it needed to be controlled."

"They mean it's addictive like power." I furrowed my brow. "Kaidan. I was born with magic. It's not something..."

"I refuse to believe that you are a slave to magic. I refuse to believe that you cannot stop using it." He growled. "Magic nearly killed you. What possible reasons could you have to keep using it if not addicted?"

"It can save a life as easily as it can take one." I responded. "And it can be beautiful." I sighed. "And there are repercussions. For a mage not using their magic. It's what I told you back in High Hrothgar. Eventually I will lose control of it." And I'm going to start getting wicked headaches.

"You're too stubborn for that. We'll get through it. And I'll keep looking into things."

"Into what things?" I asked, heart sinking. You're not listening. Why won't you just listen to what I'm saying?

He shrugged a shoulder, reaching out and brushing his fingers along my cheek. "I'll tell you when I've figured it out alright? I want to make sure I've got it right."

I reached up, clasping his hand. "Kaidan. Why is it so bad? Please help me understand."

"I promise. Once we're somewhere I know we won't be overheard. I'll tell you everything."

"You keep stalling." I murmured. You don't want to tell me, do you? Closing my eyes, I leaned against him.

"It's a difficult thing to talk about." He said quietly.

"Alright Kai. I understand. I trust you."

Outside Whiterun

"I'm pleasantly surprised by how quiet the journey has been." Lucien said, looking up from his book as the cart clattered across the bridge near the meadery. "Not a single dragon on the whole trip!"

I blinked at him, looking back down at the floorboards, pressing fingertips to my temple. No change. No new information from Kai. And it’s getting harder to hold everything back.

The cart driver groaned. "You've cursed us." He grumbled. "Never say that word."

Inigo chuckled as Lucien's brow furrowed. "What word?"

"The Q word." Inigo responded. "It's a certain call to the Daedric Princes to start something."

A roar echoed down from the mountains and Kaidan groaned. "And you just had to mention dragons." He jumped down as the driver pulled the cart to a stop, reaching a hand up for me.

I nodded, accepting it, and jumping down, staggering, my head reeling, pain pounding behind my temples, as I struggled to keep my magic from escaping my hold. At least with a dragon I can use oakflesh. That will help. I'll just have to fight it releasing other magic.

Watching the dragon as it wheeled overhead, I sighed. "Will you be alright Dragonborn?" Esbern asked. "You do not seem recovered yet from your ordeal in Winterhold." He gave me a pointed look, glancing at Kaidan, shaking his head.

"I don't know." I admitted, not missing the alarmed look from Kai. "It's going to be difficult. But I made a promise."

He sighed, runes shining over his hands as the dragon finally circled low enough for bows to be of use. Calling Restoration runes I struggled with my magic, summoning a ward with one hand, casting oakflesh with the other, biting down on my lip hard when the Alteration threatened to break away from me.

Pouring more magicka than strictly necessary into the ward as the dragon dove at us I prayed it would hit me with its Shout. I need to bleed off more magicka. I need it to force my ward to draw more. I can't... Trying to focus on the dragon I Shouted. "Fus Ro Dah!" To my dismay, while the Shout did draw the attention of the Dragon it also ripped at my control. Sweat dripped down my back, pain blinding me, the draw on my ward as magic hit it a welcome relief.

Too soon it was over, the dragon fallen partially on the road. Slowly drawing my ward back, I looked swiftly for injuries, fighting my magic once again as I cast Healing Hands on two of the guards, staggering as the soul hit me, wiping the headache away but tearing further at my control. Of course. Shouts are magic. Dragon souls are magic too. Fuck.

"Dragonborn. Are you alright?"

I turned, surprised to hear Delphine's voice, giving her a curt nod.

"Are you certain? You've got a little." She touched just below her nose.

"What brings you here?" I ground out, pressing fingertips where she had, pulling them free to see fresh blood. Of course. Nosebleeds. Marvelous. And Kaidan still won't just Tell me so we can fix this.

She jerked her head toward Esbern. "I'll bring him to safety. Wait for my letter for our next step."

I nodded. "Right." I agreed as Esbern walked over to her, clapping her on the shoulder.

"Heed my words Dragonborn." Esbern warned. "I will see you again soon."

"Are you alright?" Kaidan asked. "What happened?"

Anger flared, and I ruthlessly shoved it back down, feeling suddenly exhausted, the pain coming back with force, staggering me. Pressing fingertips to my forehead I glared up at him, hating the tears swimming in my eyes. "I told you." I ground out. "Magic finds ways to escape. Keeping it held back like this hurts."

He gave me a sympathetic look, draping his arm around me, helping me walk toward Whiterun. "It's hard." He said. "I was hoping it wouldn't be as bad as the addictions I've dealt with. We'll get through this."

"Back on the addiction thing again?" I growled. "So convinced that you're right that you won't listen to any mages."

He jerked back, looking pained. "I am trying to protect you." He snapped, then sighed. "I'm sorry. I... outbursts are a part of the process. I understand."

Biting back a scream I gave him an incredulous look. "You're just. Not listening at all. Are you?" I can't keep doing this. I... Damnit Kaidan. This isn't healthy.

He sighed, opening his mouth to respond when a shout drew our attention to Aela and Farkas running toward us.

"You're back!" Farkas cried, loping over to me to lift me into a painful hug. "You don't look so good."

"Thanks." I muttered, pressing at my temples again.

"We have news." Aela said, giving me a concerned look.

"What is it?" Kaidan asked.

“Sarlfi is here. Insisting we let him talk to Silka." Farkas said.

“Interesting.” I murmured. Do I want to talk to him? Maybe.

"He’s in Jorrvaskr right now.” Farkas said. “Talking to Kodlak and Nevian.”

“There is something I needed to ask him.” Kaidan murmured.

"Go on ahead." Aela suggested. "I wanted to talk to Silka anyway."

"Alright." Kai agreed, waving for the others to move with them.

“What happened?” She asked as the men and dogs ran out of earshot.

“I’ve not been using my magic properly.” I grumbled. “It’s complicated.”

“Then explain it.” She said softly. “I’ll listen.”

“Can’t right now. Hurts to talk.”

She sighed. “Alright. If you’re not feeling up to talking to Sarlfi when we get to Jorrvaskr we’ll figure something out.”

“Thank you.” I murmured, leaning against her. Thank you for not pressuring me.

Chapter Text

Chapter 38: Lessons from a Broken Mage

Kaidan: Whiterun

"Surprised to see you here." I said easily as we filtered into Kodlak's quarters, Blue immediately running to greet Vilkas while Meeko flopped by the map table.

Sarlfi shrugged, leaning back in the chair, a worn bandage just visible on one shoulder, a red and black scarf wrapped around his neck. "Elilia insisted." He said. "Told me I should have told you when..." He broke off. "Where's Silka? She needs to hear this."

"She's coming." I assured him. "Aela wanted to talk to her."

"She is not feeling well." Inigo said crossly, lashing his tail. "I hope what you have to tell her will not stress her out."

"She's still not recovered?" He sighed, exchanging looks with Nevian. "That's surprising. She's so good with magic she should've been able to restore it by now."

I scowled. If everyone could stop singing the praises of magic, I’d appreciate it.

He looked at me and shook his head vigorously. "Not my business." He muttered. "Elilia would tell me not to meddle."

Nev snorted. "Considering what happens when you do decide to act..., Why not?"

I felt my brow furrow, looking at the Redguard. He was giving Sarlfi a lopsided grin as he leaned against one of Kodlak's bookcases and I wondered at his comfort with his brother. Didn't he scar you as well? Didn't he threaten you in Riften?

"It is precisely because I rarely meddle." Sarlfi returned. "I am not a smart man. It takes me time to think things through. It does not make for a good tactical sense. But... Elilia says I could learn strategy."

"Pity you have such a terrible tactician then, isn't it?"

I smiled to hear Silka's voice, feeling it fade as I turned and watched her walk in, supported by Aela, her face even paler than it had been during the trip. The dragon fight did not treat her well. Moving swiftly to her side I reached out a hand for her, feeling a pang when she hesitated before grasping it. It's part of the process. I just hope she doesn't hate me entirely at the end of it all.

Sarlfi was staring at her, a glance telling me that the others were as well.

"Ysmr's beard, girl. What happened to you?" Kodlak asked.

"Just a temporary setback." She said, her voice trembling, and I carefully rested my hand on her waist so she could lean further on me. "It will pass."

Lucien snorted and muttered something under his breath.

"What do you mean?" Sarlfi asked. "What did you mean by that?" He frowned when Lucien gawped at him. "Extra sensitive hearing. Alright. I'll ask you later. Nev. Don't let me forget." He sighed. "Silka. About Elilia. I assume Kaidan told you about her mark?" He asked, looking concerned.

"Yes."

"It's gone. I didn't mention it at the college. I wasn't sure. I wasn't sure if she wanted to tell people why." He smiled, a fond smile that reminded me strongly of Silka. "She told me not to be foolish. That she knows she has nothing to fear from the Companions."

"So. How?" Silka asked.

"Lycanthropy. I. We. For reasons decided she would be safest if she became a werewolf."

"You broke the tenants of the pack?" Silka asked. "You? Who thought it was the safest place for anyone?"

He shrugged. "I should've done it a lot sooner."

"That's why the Hagravens cursed you?" Silka asked. "You turned a candidate?"

He shook his head, looking pained. "Not quite. If you're interested. Once you're feeling better. I'll tell you the whole story."

"All of it?" Nev asked. "Even...?" He gave Sarlfi a long look as the older man shifted uncomfortably. "She deserves to know."

He sighed, turning to Silka. "When you feel up to it. Nevian knows the way to where Elilia and I are living now. If you want to know. If you want to know what I've been too cowardly to tell you. Come see me."

"And what are the chances that she'd run into Daggvar if she did that?" I asked mildly.

He shook his head. "Let's just say Daggvar and I had a... falling out after our conversation in Winterhold. I found out some other things he was keeping from me." Crossing his arms over his chest he took a deep breath. "I let myself believe him for too long." He said, his voice harsh. "The alternative." He shook himself. "No matter. We're not here to talk about me. It would be safe. Yes, he knows where it is, but he also knows he is no longer welcome. And while Elilia might not be his match magically." He smiled fondly again. "She has some tricks up her sleeve."

"And if he went after her while you were away?" Aela asked. "To retaliate for the falling out?" She eyed his bandaged shoulder pointedly.

The werewolf shifted his stance, the aura of discomfort falling away completely. His eyes narrowed and he snarled, deep and low, making the hair on my neck stand up. "There is nowhere he could hide." He promised, his voice dark. "There is nowhere he could shelter that I would not find him."

"I misjudged you lad." Kodlak said softly. "I believed you to be cut of the same cloth as your father. I apologize."

He shrugged, his stance easing. "I didn't do much that would make you think otherwise." He said, glancing back my way and frowning. "Silka. I think you should be in bed."

I grimaced, looking down at her to see she had turned her face into my armor, and I realized I had adjusted my stance to shore up more of her weight without realizing it. "He's right." I murmured. "Let's get you to Breezehome."

"Perhaps she should shelter downstairs." Farkas suggested. "I'm not sure she can make it to Breezehome, and I know she wouldn't like being carried through all of Whiterun."

I nodded. "Good idea."

"I'll lead you there." He offered, moving toward the door.

With a small sigh I swept Silka into my arms, worry flaring at the soft sound of pain she made. "Too bright." She murmured, curling in toward my armor again.

Sarlfi was frowning, the concern on his face genuine and I wondered at it as I followed Farkas.

"What happened?" He asked. "Why is she so sick?"

"She had a problem with a spell. And now she's trying to use less magic. It's not going as smoothly as we hoped."

"Whose idea was it for her to use magic less?" He asked, ushering me through a hidden door, sealing it after us.

I frowned. "We discussed it." I murmured, discomfort pricking at me.

"Seems a foolish thing to drop if it's gonna do this." He said easily. "Ah well. Not my business." He added before I could say anything. "Except." He stopped by the room where she'd slept off her fever, frowning at her as she curled up on the bed, not bothering to take off her armor.

I sighed, looking down at her, worry squirming in my gut. "Sweetheart. Let's at least get you out of your gear?" I suggested.

Twisting slightly, she blinked up at me. "No."

Heart sinking, I leaned down and kissed her forehead. "Alright love. Are you hungry?"

"Sure."

"Alright. I'll be back." Moving away from her I leveled Farkas with a glare when he didn't move right away. "She needs rest."

He half nodded. "Yeah. Rest." He jerked his head toward the door. "She's going to be asleep before you can get her anything." He said. "She was already mostly asleep. So. I'd like to know exactly what is going on. And I'm certain I'm not the only one."

"Let me get this straight." Aela said. "She cast a spell that saved all of you. But because it endangered her... you want her to give up magic entirely?"

"No." I shook my head. "I want her to give up her dependency on magic." I don't want her to feel like she must use it.

"I'm surprised she agreed to it." Nevian muttered, dropping into a chair with a grimace. "She used to play with it when we were younger. Used it to entertain the twins for hours. Make sparkles and pictures in the air."

"We discussed it." I said harshly. And if she hadn't agreed? What would you have done then? Brushing the disquieting thoughts aside I studied Sarlfi where he was politely pretending not to listen to the conversation, none of the Companions comfortable enough with him to let him wander.

"Did you still want to try and recover the books?" Lucien asked. "The ones you were talking to Inigo about the other day?" Pointing at the map he tapped it. "Cause if I'm right, the place where the thieves are holed up is right here."

"Yes." I responded immediately. "There should be a book in there that would give more information about Werewolf marks. It's always good to have a backup plan." And this way I can recover the research on severance as well. Find out what's really involved in that. If she became a werewolf that would not sever her from her magic. Daggvar is proof of that.

Sarlfi turned away from the wall with a frown. "Book thieves?"

"Yes." Inigo said. "A student from the College of Winterhold stole some books. He brought them to a place called Fellglow Keep."

"Fuck." He responded, scrubbing a hand over his face as we stared at him. "Orthorn. That fucking idiot. Still. Mal would want me to see if he's salvageable. Mind if I go with you?"

"Mal summoned an Atronach to attack him. Why would she care if he was alright?" I asked.

"There's a lot more to it than that." He responded. "Or did you think that the Arch-Mage regularly keeps students around who would purposely harm others?" He asked, staring at me.

Frowning, I looked away. "I need to go check on Silka. Can we wrap this up?"

Lucien sighed heavily and shook his head, muttering something under his breath again.

"Scholar. I never got your name. What did you mean?" Sarlfi asked. "Earlier. When Silka said it was a setback that would pass. And you said. 'If you survive, that is.' What did you mean by that?"

He shook his head, glancing at me. "I meant exactly what I said."

Narrowing my eyes at him I left the room, Blue and Meeko at my side. She'll be fine. It's just withdrawals. She'll be fine. I paused halfway down the corridor. She has to be.

"Kaidan." Farkas said sharply from behind me. "Let Vilkas and I go with you. We'll help keep an eye on Sarlfi. If he means ill, he won't be able to fight us all. Even if he has reinforcements. Aela can keep an eye on Silka. I don't think she should come right now."

"You're right. She needs rest." I agreed, moving swiftly toward her room. I'll leave the dogs with her to keep her company. They'll help her stay safe. And there's a healing temple nearby if she takes a turn for the worse while I'm gone.

"Yeah..." He frowned, easily keeping pace, not saying much until we were safely in the hidden hall. "I know something is wrong. She smells of hurt every time she looks at you."

I swallowed hard, pushing back at the sudden stab of pain. "Hurt?"

"Yeah, just like that." He sighed. "It's really not my business but Silka means a lot to all of us here. It's... uncomfortable seeing her in so much pain. And all of it self-inflicted." Nodding he continued past the rooms. "I'll see you in the morning." He called.