Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Park Jimin could barely control the nervous buzz of excitement that was radiating from him. His mother said it was alright if he and Taehyung stayed up until midnight since, of course, this was a special night. Tomorrow was the day. The day, Jimin’s 12^th birthday. The day he would get his soulmark, the very words his soulmate would first speak to him.

He was so excited. This was everyone’s big moment. Taetae would have his soulmark in a few months too, and while yes, it wasn’t a sure sign of when they’d get to meet their soulmates – who knows how long Jimin will have to wait to hear those words – at least it was one step closer to getting to know who his soulmate was as a person.

Jimin and Taehyung occupied themselves in the living room by building a pillow fort. Neither of them had realized how many hours were in a day until they tried desperately to get through all 24 of them. It had gone by slowly but having Taehyung’s company there made it much more fun and bearable. Jimin would’ve been so bored without his best friend.

It’s 11:40 pm and Jimin’s excitement has gradually started to turn into something close to fear.

“What if it has bad words in it?” he asked his mother. Soulmarks aren’t something you share with anyone but your parents and your trusted friends (and it was almost taboo to read anyone else’s words out loud; you don’t share your words until your wedding, as part of your vows), but he’s heard of his classmates having bad words in their soulmark.

His mother smiled at him. “It happens sometimes. It just means you’ll have one feisty soulmate.”

“What if…” he trailed off. It’s not particularly a thought he wants to be concerned with, but Jimin can’t stop himself from asking, “What if I don’t get a soulmark?” The thought makes his stomach churn. Surely that won’t happen. Jimin doesn’t think he’s perfect, but he definitely doesn’t think he’s done anything to deserve not having a soulmate.

“That’s quite a rare occurrence. I’m sure you’ll get words, Chim. We’ll just have to wait and see,” his mother answered calmly.

“What if it’s just one common word? How will I know who my soulmate is that way?”

“The universe works in mysterious ways. Most people have longer phrases, but even if you don’t, you’ll know who’s the real one. You always know.”

11:50 pm. Jimin felt antsy. He squirmed under the fort, willing time to move forward ten minutes. Even Tae had run out of funny stories to share at this point.

“Does it hurt, eomma?” Jimin asked, questions being the only thing keeping him from dying of boredom. Not only that, voicing his concerns and being reassured was the only thing keeping his nerves from going insane.

“It feels as if someone is writing on your skin. Tickles a bit,” his mother responded, eyes fixed on the television episode they were watching. These were questions she’s answered many times before, but Jimin just liked to be reminded. His father was already asleep, having to wake up early for work tomorrow. He promised to come see Jimin’s words before he left, though, so Jimin’s not too upset.

“Tickles like this,” Tae said, launching himself at his best friend with merciless hands. Jimin shrieked, but the attack was inevitable. He laughed until he cried, but Taehyung was relentless.

“Jimin-ah, look at the time,” his mother called out softly over their loud antics.

Jimin and Taehyung both glanced at the clock, where the numbers 11:59 flashed in bold red. Jimin held his breath. This was the most important time in his life. This was the first glimpse at the person he was going to be with forever. Even as a twelve-year-old, this was super important.

He was utterly terrified. Every possible negative thought ran through his head at the last minute. What if it was bad? What if there were no words? What if his soulmate hated him?

12:00 am. October 13^th.

He felt it on his side like ink from a pen, right on his ribcage under his heart. Taehyung and his mother were both staring at him as he waited until the feeling faded, which felt like a really long time. He had never felt such a mix of excitement and fear, but finally, the sensation faded, and he eagerly yanked up his shirt, eyes clenched shut nervously. “What does it say, what are the words?”

Taehyung and his mother got closer and read silently. Only when Taehyung started laughing did Jimin begin to pout. “What does it say!”

His eomma covered her mouth to suppress a laugh. “Oh my.”

Jimin frowned. Was it horrible? Was it embarrassing? “Taeeee.”

Taehyung, through a fit of giggles, points at the fresh words on his side. “I can’t read that out loud, that’s bad luck. Besides, there is a bad word in it.”

Jimin was alarmed. “What!”

Jimin’s mother, still grinning, took his hand in hers. “It says, ‘Damn, you pack a lot of power for someone so small.’”

Jimin’s jaw dropped as Taehyung laughed even harder. “I’m not small! That’s just rude! Does this mean I’ll never grow?”

Meanwhile, Taehyung was enjoying this very much. Jimin poked him hard in the ribs. “I hope yours is worse.”

(Months later, Jimin learned that in terms of wording, yes, Taehyung’s is equally as humorous and insulting.)

(But Jimin doesn’t mind his words. He’s sure there’s a story behind it, and he can’t wait to live it.)

***

When Jeon Jungkook turned twelve, his parents treated it like some awful occasion. He knew his classmates were excited about the day they turned twelve, they were happy to share their soulmarks with their parents. They celebrated, they had big fancy parties.

But Jungkook was ordered to keep it a secret. There was no special celebration. It was not a special moment, it was just an everyday occurrence. Everyone had a soulmark.

Well, except for the very few rare people who didn’t, but Jungkook never met anyone like that. He wondered if his parents would even care if he didn’t have a soulmark.

His mother was a bit more sympathetic than his father, who didn’t want to hear anything about it. She said he could tell her, if he wanted to. But really, she didn’t sound too interested. And really, he didn’t want to tell her.

When the clock struck midnight on his twelfth birthday, Jungkook was alone in his room. He wasn’t sure what he was feeling. Was he excited? Sure, this was his soulmark. But there was something else, something he could quite place. Fear? Shame? But what should he be ashamed of, if everyone had a soulmark?  

He couldn’t think that he might be a person without a mark. That would be the most horrible thing in the world.

I’ll have a soulmark, and I’ll meet my soulmate one day, and they’ll love me, and I’ll love them so much, I promise. Just let me have a soulmate.

Jungkook was so preoccupied with his thoughts that he barely felt the tickling sensation, the small prick of pain once it was finished forming on his skin, right along the top of his rib cage. He peered into his mirror, trying to read the backward scrawl. It was kind of long, and he squinted at it.

That. Can’t be right, can it?

He dropped his shirt in despair, wide eyes staring back at him. Those couldn’t be the words his soulmate said to him, they just couldn’t. Why were they so mean? What will Jungkook do to make his soulmate hate him so badly?

Tears prickle in his eyes. Is his soulmate destined to hate him too?

Is no one gonna love me?

Jungkook silently crawls into bed and holds in the sob he feels forming. He’s twelve years old now, and he has a soulmark. He’s becoming a grown-up, so he should act like it.

When his mother asks him the next day if he wants to share, he respectfully declines. He’s too embarrassed to admit he’ll mess up when he meets his soulmate. He fears his mother will tell his father and then his father will yell at him for messing this up too. Fears that he’ll say “told you so.” Fears that it’ll just become true, that he’s unlovable.

Jungkook never tells anyone his words. No one in his family asks.

Chapter Text

Jimin most likely will never be used to the outrageous way Taehyung consumes food, despite all the years of being around him when he eats. He scrunches up his nose at the mound of food Taehyung shovels into his mouth. Meanwhile Jimin takes a careful bite of his apple.

He and Taehyung are taking their lunch in the art room, as they do every day and have done since they started high school. It’s almost always empty at this time, and Taehyung sometimes likes to develop his photos in the dark room.

Jimin mostly wants to avoid people in large crowds. Or people in general.

“So do you want to hang out tonight? We can play Overwatch or something. Oh! Or we can watch that new movie that came out, the one you wanted to see a few months ago,” Taehyung says, leaning back in his chair. He has no new photos he wants to develop today, much to Jimin’s disappointment. Taehyung has really been pouring out the new photos, what with applications and portfolios coming up for the university they want to apply to.

Jimin shakes his head as he tosses the apple core into the trash can. “I can’t tonight. I asked Teacher Lee if I could stay after school to use the studio.”

Taehyung puts on a pout, one that would normally be able to win Jimin over. “You’ve been in the studio a lot lately.”

The bell rings at that moment, shrill and annoying and signaling the end of lunch. They gather their bags and prepare to depart to their next classes, which were sadly not together. “I have to make sure I’m good enough to get into university. The show case is soon and it needs to be perfect if I want to get accepted into the dance program.”

The halls are filled with students as Jimin and Taehyung push their way by. “You’ll get in. No one is dumb enough to pass up on your awesome dance skills.”

Jimin laughs. “Thanks Tae, but-”

His words are cut off as a shoulder slams into his, making him lose balance and stumble. Jimin locks eyes with none other than Seonjae, who glares back at him as he spits out, “Watch where you’re going, fag.”

Jimin can’t help but cringe. He feels Taehyung tense beside him. Before his friend can lash out and get them both into a situation neither of them want, Jimin grabs his arm. “Leave it. He’s not worth it.”

He can tell by the way Taehyung’s lips tighten that he wants to do anything but leave it. Jimin isn’t really in the mood to get mocked and put down today. It’s been a good morning so far. He wasn’t going to let Seonjae’s taunting ruin it.

Besides. Seonjae could’ve said much worse.

“You know, I’d like to see him try to dance,” Taehyung grumbles. “He’d probably break both his ankles.”

Jimin lets out a chuckle, and just like that, the encounter fades.

***

Jungkook’s head pounds with a steady headache. He desperately wishes he could sleep through English class, but he’s already not doing so hot to begin with. Class hasn’t started yet, the teacher wasn’t even in the room, so he wonders if he can just lay his head down and rest for a second. Just one quick second.

That notion is shot when the person usually solely responsible for his headaches approaches and slaps him on the shoulder. “Wake up, Jeon.”

Seonjae hops on the desk beside him, where he and his friends lurk around him like vultures circling a dying animal. Not that Jungkook is a dying animal, he’s just tired of Seonjae’s bullshit. “What do you want.”

“I need a ride home tonight after school. You down?” Seonjae asks, leaning back onto his hands. Jungkook has never been so thoroughly annoyed by someone’s presence before, but Seonjae has a magical way of making every person in the room either cower in fear or roll their eyes in disgust. Jungkook falls into the latter category.

He shifts his arms and prepares to lay his head back down. “No, I’m not waiting on you. I’ve got shit to do.”

Seonjae fake scoffs, dramatic and airy. “My dearest baby cousin rejects me. I’m hurt, truly wounded! I’ve raised you since infancy, my child, how dare you deny me a ride.” He reaches over and pinches Jungkook’s cheek, hard. “Why don’t you love meeeee.”

Jungkook swats his hand away. “Yah, fuck off!”

The teacher picks that moment to walk in. As Jungkook shouts profanities.

Even Seonjae lets out a low whistle as Teacher Kim’s face turns red. “Jeon! What did you just say?”

Jungkook and the whole room are silent. He feels his own face turn red in embarrassment, but he can’t bring himself to speak. Mostly because he’s so pissed at Seonjae that he’s afraid more curses will come out if he opens his mouth.

“Yeah, I thought so. I’ll be seeing you in detention tonight,” Teacher Kim snaps, turning around to write on the board, signaling the beginning of class.

Of fucking course.

Jungkook sighs and grits his teeth. Seonjae pokes his shoulder and whispers, “Hey, guess you can drive me home after all.”

He shoots Seonjae the nastiest look he can muster as his friends laugh under their breaths. Today’s been taxing enough, Jungkook decides, as he lays his head down on his desk. English can wait. It’s not like he’ll truly be able to pay attention to the lecture anyway.

I fucking despise you, he thinks at Seonjae, hoping somehow his asshole cousin understands.

***

Jimin is drowning in sweat by the time he’s done practicing a routine he wants to do for his audition. He’s actually feeling pretty confident about this piece. Teacher Lee told him that it really balances his skill for contemporary as well as street-style dance, and he agrees. He’s been working with it for weeks, and it’s really starting to become second nature to him.

With his gym bag slung over his shoulder, Jimin shoots a quick message to Taehyung, who drove back to the school about ten minutes ago to pick him up, for which Jimin is immensely grateful. Too bad he is definitely gonna kick Taehyung’s ass at Overwatch later, but he can’t help that Taehyung sucks at video games.

TaeTae<3 [16:32] hurry upppp :(

ChimChim<3 [16:35] im on my way out now :)

Jimin rounds a corner and just barely manages to press the send button right before he crashes hard into somebody. His phone lurches out of his hand as he stumbled backwards, the weight of his gym bag bringing him to the floor. His elbow cracks against the ground and makes him suck in a breath. A startled oof reaches his ears as he sees the other person also hit the ground. So that makes him feel bad, naturally.

It takes Jimin a second to get his head on straight as he sits up, and as he does so, a hand is shoved in his face. The hand of…Jeon Jungkook? Yes, that’s him. A year younger than Jimin, if he remembers right. The only person who ever bothers to smile and nod when Jimin accidentally makes eye contact with him.

Jimin graciously accepts his hand and Jungkook pulls him to his feet. His arm is still tingly from hitting the floor, but other than that, he’s unscathed. Jimin’s about to open his mouth and offer an apology for being so careless but he is stopped short.

It hits him like a train. Not like crashing into a random person and falling on your ass, but a train going full speed. The words. The words.

“Damn, you pack a lot of power for someone so small.” Jungkook says it with a laugh in his tone, his eyes crinkled at the corners in a bright eye-smile.

Jimin can’t move. He can’t breathe. He can’t do anything but stare as his hand drops to his side. There is absolute fear coursing through his veins and he hates, hates that this is the emotion he feels.

Say something. Just say something. He opens his mouth, but he has no idea how to even begin to form words.

“Ayyy, that’s my boy, Jeon! Put the little fag in his place.”

Jimin jumps. Seonjae – of course – waltzes out of a nearby room and slings his arm around Jungkook, who merely looks at him. Seonjae narrows his eyes at Jimin and spits out, “Ain’t that right, Jiminie? How dare you even get your nasty germs on my baby cousin.”

Jimin’s throat tightens and he stumbles away as if he were shoved. He looks back at Jungkook, who looks at him with a tilted head, like he was studying him. Tears immediately spring forward and he fights so hard to repress them. Jimin’s vision swims with the effort and his voice is brutal as he snaps out, “Go fuck yourself right off a bridge, you piece of shit!”

The last thing Jimin sees before he spins around and takes off is Jungkook’s wide, alarmed eyes and startled expression. Seonjae’s angry “hey, get the fuck back here!” is lost to him. He races, sprints, outside to the parking lot, as far from them as he can get. He can’t clearly see where Taehyung’s car is, but he knows where Tae generally parks. Jimin makes his way there and opens the door in a hurry. The whole thing takes monumental effort on his part.

“Took you long enough. I was starting to think-” Taehyung’s eyes grow in shock as he sees the tears pouring down Jimin’s face. “Chim, what’s wrong? What happened?”

Jimin isn’t sure how he managed to gasp out, “Just drive, please, please get me away from here.”

And Taehyung does, immediately. He pulls out of the school’s parking lot and drives to his house, which is the closest of the two. It only takes about five or six minutes, and in that time, Jimin thinks maybe he’s got his cool collected enough to tell Taehyung what went down.

Tae parks and leads Jimin inside, both of them quiet the whole time. Taehyung’s parents aren’t home yet, and his sister is at a friend’s house. Taehyung drags Jimin up to his room, and that’s where he breaks.

“H-he said the words, and, and I thought – or I didn’t think, or. I don’t know, but t-then Seonjae showed up and. And he fucking congratulated him. Like, like it was a big step.” It takes Jimin many tries and many bursts of sobbing before he’s able to talk coherently. “Like it’s a right of passage to finally say my soulmark words to me, like everyone else has.”

Taehyung is silent the whole time. His face started off red but gradually paled and paled. Jimin knows he’s angry, and Jimin is too, but there’s nothing that can be done.

Everyone knows his soulmark words. Everyone. And he couldn’t even begin to count how many times a week he hears someone say it to him mockingly. Usually it’s Seonjae and his group of asshole followers. They were the ones who started this whole mess in their first year of high school.

It’s not like he didn’t know Jeon Jungkook was Seonjae’s cousin. He should’ve seen it coming. But regardless, it took him off guard. He hadn’t heard it for a few days, at least, and he hadn’t been expecting someone new to come at him like that.

And it hurts. It hurts so much worse this time, and he can’t even explain why. It’s the same shit he deals with all the time, but this is a new level of raw pain that he can’t describe. Maybe he’s just reached his breaking point. He’d been having a great day, so of course this had to happen. He’s not allowed to be fucking happy.

Why does this have to happen? Why him? Why can’t he just get to live with his soulmark and hear it once, from his actual soulmate? Why did he learn to hate these words, despite being innocent in their own way?

Why did Jeon Jungkook have to stoop as low as everyone else?

Taehyung scoops Jimin close to him as he cries. Eventually it dies down; he’s used to this emotion, used to this same scenario. Jimin hates having to bring Taehyung into all his drama, but Tae would never leave him to deal with it alone. “Who’s Jeon Jungkook? I’ve never heard of him, but I’ll hunt him down and beat his ass. Seonjae’s too. Everyone’s. No one hurts my Chim Chim.”

Jimin laughs weakly into Tae’s chest.

“No, I’m serious, I’ll do it, bet.”

At least Jimin had Taehyung. He could get by with that, at least.

Chapter Text

Jungkook has faced many times in his life where he felt stuck, unable to breathe. So paralyzed with fear and dread and hurt that he couldn’t move or didn’t know what to say. Yeah, that wasn’t anything new.

But this? This ice- cold panic is new.

What the fuck what the fuck he just ran he hates me what the shit just happened, shit shit shit what did I say, what-

Seonjae pulls on his arm, a sensation he barely registers. He’s speaking, but Jungkook is unsure of what the words are. He can’t hear anything except-

Except.

“Jungkook-ah!” Seonjae punches his arm. “Are you listening to me?”

He finally snaps his attention to his cousin. “Sorry?”

“I said, are you gonna let the brat talk to you like that?”

Jungkook shakes his head, fumbling for something, anything. This is a disaster. “Just drop it. Let’s go home.”

“Drop it? You’re gonna let some shit like that slide?”

“He’s older than me.”

“But-”

“I said drop it! Go get in the fucking car!” Jungkook’s outburst startles even him. Seonjae is stunned into silence momentarily. Long enough for them to walk out to the parking lot and get in Jungkook’s car. He really had hoped Seonjae would just shut up and actually let it be, but Jungkook has never been that lucky, especially when it comes to his cousin. He will give him credit; they at least made it to Seonjae’s house first.

“So you wanna explain that attitude? What crawled up your ass and died?”

Jungkook’s hands grip the steering wheel tightly. Much too tight. His knuckles turn white. His mind scans for words that can help him out, but he’s been on a numb sort of wave since the encounter. He didn’t even remember driving here.

…you piece of shit!

“Jungkook!” Seonjae shouts. Jungkook can hear actual anger in his words and he flinches. A force of habit, but the jarring action snaps him back to reality.

“Get out of my car.” His words are devoid of tone. He can’t place what he’s feeling, but all he knows is that Seonjae needs to leave and leave now.

God, he needs to call Yoongi before he has an entire mental collapse. He just needs to make it to Yoongi.

“What did you say to me, brat? I don’t know what the fuck your problem is but I swear to God you need to learn your place.”

“Get. The fuck. Out of my car. Did I stutter.” Jungkook would never dare speak to him like this. Yes, he’s related to him and normally gets away with things people only dare dream to say, but even Seonjae won’t put up with this for long. Jungkook almost gives a damn.

Seonjae looks even more shocked than before. “Calm the fuck down, Jungkook-ah, is this about the detention or the thing at school?” He must sense something in the way Jungkook twitches at the thought. “For fuck’s sake dude, everyone says that shit to him at some point, we have for years, it’s just a fucking joke. Jesus, if it was gonna get you all fucked up you shouldn’t have said it.”

Somehow this shocks Jungkook. Shocks him like lightning. “It’s not a joke! Are you fucking kidding me, that’s someone’s soulmark! You’re telling me you’ve been using his soulmark like that? What the fuck do you mean everyone says that to him, you don’t just say someone’s words, Seonjae!”

“Well you just did!”

The silence that ensues is thick. It’s impenetrable. The tension suffocates him. Because he knows exactly what’s going to happen next and waiting for that ball to drop is one of the worst feelings he’s ever felt.

“What, is Park Jimin your soulmate or some shit? Did he say your words back to you? The fuck is your deal?” Seonjae is red in the face. Honestly he looks bewildered and Jungkook can’t really blame him. Jungkook knows he needs to speak, or his world is going to crash around him.

“No, it’s not right. You shouldn’t be such a goddamn asshole to everyone. You wonder why you’re popular, it’s not because you’re cool or because people like you, it’s because they want to avoid you being a dick to them. Now get out of my car.” He knows his rant is justified, but random. He goddamn knows he’s done for.

Seonjae grabs his shirt. The angle is weird and he growls at him, “You don’t ever speak to me like that again. Do you understand, I’m your elder.”

“I’m not afraid of you.”

He really needs Yoongi right now. Shit. Fuck.

He’s royally fucked up this time.

Seonjae lets go. He sees it in Seonjae’s eyes before he speaks. “He is your soulmate, isn’t he? Park fucking Jimin, that fag, is your soulmate.” He laughs loudly, and it’s the most aggressive sound Jungkook’s ever heard. “Your words really are ‘go fuck yourself off a bridge,’ oh my God.”

Jungkook cannot speak. He can’t even breathe.

How is it possible to feel like you’ve suddenly stopped existing?

“That’s so fucked up. Park Jimin, your soulmate. I knew he was queer. So you’re gay too, huh? Jungkook, do you know what that means. You’re gonna disappoint our whole family. God, would you even be considered a member of this family anymore?”

“Sh-shut up. Just shut the fuck up!”

He shakes his head, unbuckling his seatbelt before continuing his slaughter. “I’m just shocked. And disappointed. I had high hopes for you, I genuinely liked you, kid. Can’t believe you would do this.”

“I said shut up dammit!” Jungkook all but shrieks. He’s hysterical, yes, it’s taking all his willpower to remain semi-functional. How is he gonna make it out of this. He needs to get to Yoongi, oh God.

“Or what? Or what, Jeon? You gonna beat me up? You gonna bully me, or tell Auntie or eomma? You realize I can ruin you both at home and at school? Oh if you think school would be bad, imagine how much worse it would be at home. Auntie will never forgive you, no one will. And just imagine, Park Jimin rejected you, you can’t even be loved by your soulmate Jungkook. You crushed him.” Another harsh laugh as he opens the door. “Ah, did you see his face, that was probably worse than anything I’ve ever said to him. I’ve never seen him look so fucked up. And you call me an asshole, but you’re just unlovable-”

Some part of Jungkook registers what he’s doing. His brain is somewhat present enough to move his body, but it’s not of his own will. He’s out of his car in a second. He’s in front of Seonjae. He’s swinging his fist, hard. He hears a yell. He sees the blood.

Jungkook is barely present for it at all. He’s not even sure he’s going to have a full memory of it later.

Have I dissociated?

He hears his aunt yelling behind him, but is unsure what she’s saying. Seonjae spits blood at his feet. There’s rage in his eyes, but he’s not stupid. Not like everyone thinks he is, and that’s what makes him more dangerous than he appears. His voice drops lower, so his mother won’t hear, and he says to Jungkook, “Remember what I said, kid. I’ll forgive you this once, because you’re my favorite and you can’t control that soulmate shit. But I can end you in a heartbeat, and I will, and you better not forget it.”

He leaves Jungkook standing in the driveway, telling something to his mother about them having a typical argument, it’s no big deal, boys will be boys. His aunt yells something about shaping up and behaving himself.

In his car, he races to his house a few minutes down the road. He knows his parents aren’t home, they’re never home until much later, even after spending the afternoon in detention. Sitting in the driveway, he dials Yoongi-hyung’s number. It rings barely twice before it’s answered. “Kook-ah?”

“Hyung,” barely escapes his lips as a whisper. He’s starting to tremble. And not just the shakes, his body is vibrating. Like he’s about to spontaneously combust. Wouldn’t that be fantastic.

“Jungkook? You okay?” Yoongi shuffles on the end of the line. “I need you to answer me, kid.”

He tries. God, does he try to speak. But when he opens his mouth, a sob escapes. So he sucks in a breath and shuts up. Not yet. He cannot do this here.

“Jungkook. Are you in any condition to drive to my apartment? If you don’t answer, I’m going to assume that’s a no.”

Jungkook does not answer.    

“Are you home? If you’re home, I can come get you.”

“I,” Jungkook tries again. “I can drive.”

“It’s over an hour’s drive, kid. I can come get you.”

“I can drive,” Jungkook repeats. “I’ll be there.”

“You want me to stay on call with you?”

“No. I’ll be okay.”

Yoongi doesn’t respond immediately. “Stay calm. I’ll be waiting here, okay? Just stay calm for now. Just for now. Then you don’t have to.”

“Okay. I’ll see you soon, hyung.”

“See you soon, Koo.”

***

Taehyung miraculously manages to cheer Jimin up significantly. They play Overwatch for hours after Taehyung’s parents make dinner, before finally deciding to end the night watching a drama.

“So how’s the choreography coming along?” Taehyung asks, Jimin’s head in his lap.

Jimin yawns. “It’s going well honestly. I’m still nervous about the audition, since it’s next weekend, but I’ve been working on this for a long time and I have everything ready.” He turns his head and looks up at Tae’s face. “What about you, how’s your final portfolio coming along?”

Jimin sees a spark ignite. He grins as Taehyung speaks. “Oh, I’m so excited, it’s going great. I think I want to add a few more photos, but other than that, I should be finishing it up soon.”

“Did you still want to go to that meadow soon to take pictures of the flowers?”

“I’ve been waiting for the weather to brighten up. I don’t want it to be cloudy. It should be nice tomorrow, though. Do you think you can spare an afternoon of practice to come with me?”

Jimin scoffs. “Of course I can. Only if you make me a flower crown.”

“Well duh.”

Jimin smiles as they continue to watch the drama. Taehyung has a way of making it seem like the bigger things don’t matter as much. It’s really calming for Jimin’s nerves.

And it’s exciting. They only have two more months before they graduate and can move on to university. Where Jimin never has to interact with the people from his high school ever again. He’s fairly confident in the talent between him and Taehyung; they’ll get into the University of Fine Arts that they want. He cannot allow himself to think otherwise.

Next weekend he and Taehyung are going to the university in Seoul, where Jimin’s live audition for the dance program will take place and where Taehyung can submit his portfolio. They’ve already submitted applications to be seen and to audition. That was one step forward. That was one massive step forward, actually, and Jimin is ready.

Just this week to get through, and then they can work towards their new life in one more big step.

It doesn’t stop Jimin from thinking though.

“Tae.”

“Yeah?”

“What about your soulmate?”

Taehyung looks down at him from under his fringe. “What about them?”

Jimin has always found comfort in the fact that Taehyung sees his soulmate as either gender. It means he’s not alone in how he feels. “I mean, like. You might meet them at university. Are you excited?”

“I think the question you’re avoiding asking is if I’m going to ignore you when they come along, and the answer is a big fat no. If my soulmate cannot accept my Chimmy then they can live without me.”

Jimin fake cries. “That’s so sweet. Why can’t you be my soulmate.”

“I am your soulmate. Platonically. Was that ever in doubt?”

Jimin laughs again. His soul has temporarily been eased despite the massive emptiness it feels.

***

It takes about an hour and three minutes, give or take, to get to Yoongi’s apartment at his university. Or at least, that’s what the GPS says. Jungkook makes it there in 45 minutes.

He knocks on the door frantically, and Yoongi answers within seconds. When his eyes widen with shock, that’s when Jungkook knows he looks rough. “Hi, hyung.”

“You look like shit.”

And maybe that’s when Jungkook loses the war he’s been holding back since he ran into Park Jimin in the hallway. Honestly, maybe since he turned twelve and saw that his soulmate was never going to love him. He collapses right there, and Yoongi has to drag him to the couch. Yoongi normally isn’t a touchy-feely person, but he holds Jungkook tight, and always has. Awkwardly, but tightly. He doesn’t ask what happened, because he knows that Jungkook will speak when he can.

Yoongi just knows.

It takes maybe close to an hour for Jungkook to get the story out, and even then, it’s all nonsense. He gets it out in choppy segments. Out of order. Shamefully choking on fear at what Seonjae could do to his life, unable to mention Jimin yet. This is probably both the most and the least Jungkook has felt all at once and he couldn’t even explain how that made sense but he was so overwhelmed with emotions and so empty of them at the same time.

Yoongi tensed up when Jungkook explained the part about Seonjae, which he started with first for some odd reason, explaining it as just a big fight. “I swear to fuck, I’ll kill that kid.”

“No, hyung. You’re an adult and you’ll get arrested.”

“I don’t care.”

Back when they were younger, back when Yoongi was still in town, still in their neighborhood, he hung out with Jungkook and Seonjae. Naturally Yoongi hated Seonjae, and still does, and Seonjae hero-worshipped him in a way. Always jealous that Yoongi liked Jungkook more. Yoongi swears up and down Seonjae had a crush on him and that he projects.

But if there’s one person Seonjae fears it’s also Yoongi. Jungkook’s hyung may be short and scrawny and pale and look like he needs sleep literally all the time, but no one in their right mind crosses Min Yoongi.

“Hyung.” Jungkook knows he needs to tell Yoongi about Jimin. “Hyung, it’s more than that.”

Park Jimin, who’s soft and small and has a pretty smile and a pretty face, and dances just like Jungkook wants to. Yeah. Yeah, he knows Park Jimin.

Jimin. His soulmate. Who now utterly despises his existence.

“What else happened, Kook? This was more than just an argument with that fuckwad.”

Here it is. Here’s where Yoongi learns once and for all that Jungkook is just an unlovable disaster. His parents say it, his family says it, now the person who’s supposed to love him no matter what.

“I met my soulmate.”

Yoongi’s face remains the same, but Jungkook can see in his eyes the clearer understanding. “Ah.”

Jungkook waits for a blow that never lands.

“You gonna tell me his name?”

He blinks. “Park Jimin.”

Silence. “Alright, you gonna tell me what happened?”

“R-right.”

So Jungkook does. He tells it proper this time. Starts with leaving detention, running into him, what was said, and. And how Jimin reacted when Seonjae showed up. Why he reacted that way. He sees Yoongi turning an awful, truly awful shade of red when he learns what Seonjae has done. Jungkook explains how Seonjae not only threatened to ruin his school life, but threatened to upheave his home life. He explains it all, and he really can’t help the tears that come when he says, “Hyung, I hurt him. I didn’t even mean to, and I hurt him so badly, you could just see his heart shatter. He thought I was being mean, he thinks I’m.” Jungkook almost chokes. “He thinks I’m just like Seonjae.”

It takes Yoongi a moment to respond. He’s probably crafting exactly what needs to be said. Or he’s trying not to start cursing. “Okay. First, why don’t you find this guy and tell him what happened. Second, are you telling me that Seonjae and others have been going around for years bullying this kid with his soulmark? Oh my God. Okay. Alright, I need you to tell me not to murder him. I really need you to do that for me.”

“Don’t murder him.”

“Okay so that didn’t work.”

“Hyung.”

Yoongi sits perfectly still and Jungkook does not trust him. “Fine.”

Jungkook sighs. He thinks he’s all cried out at this point. He’s at least some sort of calmer. “I can’t just tell Park Jimin the truth. I can’t risk it. I. I don’t know what to do. Seonjae’s gonna tell my parents if it looks like I go against him, and I just can’t have that happen, I can’t. I’m already the family disappointment, I can’t let them know. Goddamn it. What do I do?”

“I’m honestly not sure what to tell you, kid. I’m sorry that I don’t know. He’s put you in this situation. I’d say wait a bit? Maybe? You can figure out a plan to approach him.”

“But Jimin is graduating, I think.”

“Maybe you should tell him now, then. I’m sure if you explain he’ll understand?”

“But,” Jungkook takes a breath, “what if he doesn’t? What if Seonjae finds out? What-”

“You’re asking a lot of ‘what if’ questions that I can’t give you answers for. You have one more year at home before you can come to university, and then you can live with me. Do you think you can stick that out?”

“I. Hope so.” Nothing about anything feels right. His dad didn’t even want him to go to the fine arts university Yoongi is attending. He wanted Jungkook to pursue something practical, like business or medicine.

“Do you want to stay here tonight? We can watch a movie and order takeout.”

“I should probably get back before my dad throws a royal fit. I bet Auntie’s gonna call and bitch about how I decked her son in the face.” Jungkook gathers his coat. He’d love to stay at Yoongi’s, somewhere he’s safe. But he knows he has consequences to pay tonight. He has consequences for even breathing at this point.

“If your dad does anything, you’ll tell me, right?”

“Yes, hyung.” Jungkook never does. Yoongi doesn’t need that drama on top of his schoolwork. He’s finishing his sophomore year of college now; he doesn’t need distractions, much less Jungkook’s family problems.

Yoongi walks him to his car. “Drive safe, kid.”

“I will. Thanks hyung.”

“Eh, don’t mention it. I didn’t want to write my music theory paper anyway.”

“I appreciate you soooo much.”

“Shut up and get in the car.”

“I love youuuu, Yoongi hyung,” Jungkook coos as he opens his door.

“Swear to God, just leave already,” Yoongi grumbles, turning his back and walking away.

Jungkook laughs. Regardless, as he drives away, he sees Yoongi give him a finger heart, which he always pretends never happens. He’s a softie, really.

Jungkook feels significantly better than earlier, just exhausted, and by the time he gets home, he dodges both his parents and goes straight to bed without a fight. Homework be damned.

Chapter Text

Sadly, life goes on, and Jungkook wakes up for school the next morning like always. He’s not looking forward to it, since he didn’t feel rested at all. He tossed and turned all night.

A headache is already forming in his right temple, so help him God.

Jungkook makes his way to the kitchen for a quick breakfast, not feeling all that hungry this morning. As he comes downstairs, he stops cold.

Aw shit.

His father sits at the table, waiting. When he notices Jungkook, he leans back in his chair and nods for him to take a seat. His mother stands with her back facing him, washing dishes.

Jungkook sets his bag on the ground and swallows hard. Maybe it was naïve to think he was going to get away with hitting his cousin in the face.

“My sister-in-law gave us a call last night,” Jungkook’s father says without preamble. No “good morning” or any greeting of the kind. Which was expected, so Jungkook doesn’t know why he was hoping for anything else. “Have you and Seonjae had a falling out?”

“No,” Jungkook answers. He laces his fingers together under the table and twirls his thumbs. Nervous habit.

“Then why attack him?”

“I didn’t-” Jungkook sighs. Why did this have to be dramatic. “I didn’t attack him. We had a minor disagreement.”

“Have you resolved it?”

“Of course.”

His father rubs his eyes. “Think rationally next time. We don’t need you causing anymore problems than you already do.”

“Not that you do cause many problems, Jungkook-ah,” his mother chips in, as if it helps in any way. Because it really doesn't. Jungkook’s eye twitches.

“Don’t go easy on him. We heard about the detention too.”

Jungkook has to refrain from defending himself, since his first instinct is to blame Seonjae. That would’ve gotten him in deep, deep shit. Plus, he did curse out loud. “I apologize. It won’t happen again.”

His father is silent for a minute. Something about the way he’s being stared at makes his stomach hurt. “You’re dismissed. Get to school.”

“Can I eat some-”

“Now!”

Jungkook doesn’t flinch. He tends to withhold that well these days. He stands without a word, without breakfast, and grabs his bag. It’s fine. He feels nauseous anyway.

It’s going to be another long day. But that’s nothing new.

In the car ride there, he completely zones out. His mind, which has been racing since yesterday, doesn’t stop for one moment. He wonders how Seonjae is going to act towards him. He wonders what he’s going to have to face now.

He wonders about Jimin. But he doesn’t do that for long because it makes him want to cry. And he doesn’t want to do that anymore. Not today.

At school Jungkook takes a seat in his first class. Maybe if he tries to really focus today on schoolwork then he could calm his nerves.

Okay yeah as if schoolwork was calming.

Seonjae shows up moments before the first bell rings and wordlessly takes his seat. To Jungkook’s surprise, his face bears no bruises. Unless he has it concealed with makeup. He makes eye contact with Jungkook, whose heart jumps to his throat. Why is he so nervous? Where’s the strong human being who didn’t take shit from anyone from yesterday afternoon?

He really is just as much a victim as everyone else, in fear of Seonjae and any power he holds.

And then Seonjae grins at him. “Jeon, you gonna give me a ride home tonight?”

And because Jungkook is, and always will be, a coward, he says, “I guess.”

The encounter is over. Like nothing ever happened.

What the fuck.

Jungkook gets a text from Yoongi moments later, pulling his attention away from Seonjae. He’s thankful for the distraction.

yoongles [08:32] how was last night

KookieMonster [08:33] got the lecture this morning actually

KookieMonster [08:33] wasnt a big deal

yoongles [08:34] you sure?

KookieMonster [08:35] yep all good

yoongles  [08:36] did he let u eat breakfast this time

Jungkook bites his lip. He doesn’t want to worry Yoongi, but he also doesn’t want to lie. He goes with a middle ground.

KookieMonster [08:42] wasnt hungry anyway

Minutes go by before Yoongi texts back.

yoongles [08:50] you better eat lunch

KookieMonster [08:51] I will

yoongles [08:53] is sj giving you probems

KookieMonster [08:54] actually not for once hes acting completely normal

yoongles [08:55] sus af

Jungkook glances at Seonjae.

KookieMonster [08:56] a blessing

***

Despite Taehyung’s best efforts to cheer him up, it still didn’t help Jimin sleep well that night. He doesn’t sleep well as it is, but last night. That was hellish.

Needless to say, Jimin isn’t in the best mood at school. By lunch, Taehyung has definitely noticed his best friend’s off temper.

“You seem upset today,” Taehyung says as Jimin flicks through his textbook, his lunch ignored as he reads. "Moodier."

“Just got a lot on my mind,” Jimin answers. The words on the page blur, and he’s gathered nothing from the past half an hour he’s pretended to read. He can hear the exhaustion in his own voice, can feel it in his bones almost.

“Wanna talk about it?”

Jimin shrugs. He isn’t quite sure where to begin, or even really how to voice his thoughts. It’s not that he wants to keep it a secret. He’s just lost.

“Is it about yesterday still?”

“I think so.” Jimin didn’t want to admit that the encounter with Jungkook is still bothering him, not to Taehyung or to himself. It was just another encounter. It happens nearly every day and has for years.

But. He’s not sure, something seemed wrong about yesterday, more so than normal.

Maybe he’s reading too much into it. It just seemed that maybe for a second Jungkook was genuine.

Genuine, if not…

“But regardless, I’m over it.” Jimin gets up to stretch. Afternoon classes will start soon, and then the day will be over and he and Tae can go to the meadow to finish off Tae’s portfolio. “Same old, same old.”

Taehyung presses his lips together in a line. “Not 100 percent sure I believe you? But that’s okay, we can pretend.”

Jimin chuckles. “Really, I’m fine. It just seemed like. Like a mistake, you know?”

Tae gives him a look. Like a do you hear yourself right now kind of look. “Yes, yes I can very much agree that what they said can be classified as a mistake. A mistake to humanity. They’re a mistake to humanity.”

“Tae, that’s mean.”

Another incredulous look. “Jimin-ah, you are too much of an angel for your own good.”

The bell rings for class. Jimin and Taehyung gather their things to leave the art room once more. “It’s not that I’m saying what they did was in any way right. I just mean it seemed wrong for the wrong reasons.”

“I’m not sure I understand what you mean, but either way, they’re bad people for doing what they did. Anyone who says your words to you like that is a grade A plus plus plus asshole, and I’m not going to ever say otherwise,” Taehyung responds. Usually of the two, Tae is friendlier. He makes people laugh, he gets along with others. Even Seonjae and his crew don’t say anything to him unless it’s about his friendship with Jimin.

That causes a twinge of guilt to shoot through him. Taehyung’s popularity has undeniably decreased because of Jimin.

“I’m going to get out of my last class early today, so I’ll go ahead and meet you at the meadow?”

Jimin nods. “Of course. I’ll see you then.”

When the two part ways to go to class, Jimin goes to retrieve his books from his locker. He stops in front of it in a dead halt.

Are you fucking kidding me.

On it, in sharpie, are his cursed words. In sloppy, quickly written handwriting. It’s Seonjae’s, he knows. He’s received enough hate messages throughout the years to recognize it.

I so desired to have to deal with this again today. Lovely, so wonderful.

He grabs his books for his next class and doesn’t worry about the words. The janitor cleans it off by the end of the day and has done so for years.

Jimin can't help but feel so small. Does it even faze him at this point? No, not really, but also yes, entirely. You can only handle the same insult so many times before it gets old. Back then, it was a freshly cut wound that every day would be made worse. Now? The injury is numb, almost incapable of feeling the blade. But everyone feels like it’s necessary to use that same blade over and over and over again, and Jimin is so tired.

But what if…

No. He will not let himself entertain the thought that Jeon Jungkook could be any different. It’s time to put that thought to sleep.

With that in mind, Jimin sighs and heads to class. If he’s lucky, he can get through the last of his classes without having a breakdown. And then tonight after helping Tae with his portfolio, Jimin can break all he wants.

***

The entire day dragged on slowly for Jungkook. By the end, he tries to leave as quickly as he can. A nice, hot shower is calling his name, where hopefully he can wash away all the anxiety that’s been bubbling in his chest. He bolts for the door.

But he’s stopped by his mathematics teacher.

“Jeon, would you stay behind a minute?” Teacher Kim says to him without looking up from his papers.

He takes a deep breath. He just wants to go home, goddamn it. Is that too much to ask. “Yes?”

“You’re aware that you’re failing, right?”

It doesn’t come as a surprise, but it still hits him in the face. “I…yes, I’m aware.”

“If you can’t pass this class, Jungkook, then you’re going to have to retake it. I’ve had to inform your parents of this risk.”

His blood turns icy and he swallows. Thoughts of his father’s rage filled his chest with an ache and his stomach with knots. This is great. This is fantastic news. Wonderful. I’m going to die. “Is there anything I can do?”

Teacher Kim stares at him over the rim of his glasses. It makes Jungkook nervous. “For starters, you could put in the effort.” When Jungkook doesn’t say anything, he continues. “I know you have the potential. You just won’t put it forth.” More papers are shuffled. “I’ll tell you what, if you can pull off a high A on this last exam, I’ll pass you. Do you think you can manage that?”

“I…” What is he going to say? Does he even have a choice? It’s either pass a math exam or die violently. Or worse, be reminded yet again that Jungkook is the biggest disappointment in his father’s life. “I can try.”

“Good. You’re dismissed.”

Jungkook leaves with a sigh. Okay, it’s a math test. Surely he can pull that off.

His phone dings twice in his pocket and he digs it out. It’s a message from Yoongi and from Seonjae. He answers the one from Yoongi first because that gives him less of a headache.

yoongles [15:26] what kind of music is a balloon scared of

yoongles [15:26] pop music

yoongles [15:26] pop music jungkook

KookieMonster [15:26] yoongi y

yoongles [15:27] im a music major isnt it funny

Jungkook was incorrect. Yoongi is also a headache.

Jeon Seonjae [15:22] yo where tf r u

Jeon Seonjae [15:25] jk istg hurry up

Jeon Seonjae [15:27] ight im coming back in after u since uve apparently died

He begins to type out a response of something like no, excuse me you useless sack of fucks, im omw but someone catches his eye in the empty hallway.

“Jimin?”

They make eye contact at the same time, and while Jungkook is surely surprised, he only sees fear and anger in Jimin’s expression.

It makes his heart hurt. His soulmate is afraid of him. He caused this.

“Jungkook.”

Something stirs in Jungkook’s mind when he hears his name. Tell him. Tell him the truth. Right now. Or you’ll never know what it’s like to be happy.

“I…Jimin, I’m-I didn’t mean-I'm so-”

“Stop, don’t.”

Jimin’s words are harsh against his ears. Jungkook isn’t sure what he expected.

And then he remembers.

“Shit, you need to go,” Jungkook blurts out, just as he sees the doors open down the hall. “Now. You need to leave now.”

Jimin is saying something to him as Seonjae walks in, distracted by his phone, but it doesn’t last long. Jimin doesn’t even notice, and Seonjae looks up. Instantly, he sees Jungkook.

Fuck, fuck no. True terror consumes him in that moment. Violent, gripping panic.

“Jungkook? I said-”

“Don’t fucking talk to me,” he snaps out, trembling and moving a large step away from Jimin as if he were pushed. He’s not sure where this is coming from, but it’s there, and it’s real and he can’t control himself. “Who the fuck do you think you are?”

Stop, stop it, oh my fucking god shut up.

Jimin recoils, and then catches sight of Seonjae, who latches onto Jungkook’s jacket and pulls him away from Jimin sharply. No, no nonono. Shit, no.

Seonjae grabs Jimin by the front of the shirt and slams him hard against the lockers, and Jimin winces. “Haven’t you learned your lesson, talking to my cousin? What, do you think you deserve to breathe even the same air as us?”

Jungkook stands there. He just. Fucking stands there and watches.

Move, for God’s sake, Jungkook, fucking move.

He might be sick. He might puke right here. Where are the fucking teachers, why the fuck is no one around–

“I didn’t-” Jimin gasps out, but Seonjae slams him again, and he stops speaking.

“If I ever catch you talking to any of us again, you’re dead. Fucking dead. Do you understand?” Seonjae spits. Jimin turns his head away from him, and he meets Jungkook’s eyes. They’re pleading, they’re asking him to do something. To show any sign of humanity and fucking help.

And Jungkook stands there. Frozen.

“I said, do you fucking understand me?” Seonjae says again, tightening his grip. Jimin doesn’t move or say anything. “What, are you mute? Fucking brain dead?”

“You said not to speak to you again, did you not?” Jimin bites out.

Seonjae throws Jimin to the ground, where he lands hard on his arm. Jimin lets out a small gasp, and Jungkook knows that it hurt. But it doesn’t look like Seonjae’s done.

Only then does Jungkook move. He grabs his cousin’s arm and jerks him back roughly. “Fuck, that’s enough. Let’s get out of here. Seonjae, enough!”

Thank God, thank God, Seonjae moves away, and Jungkook drags him down the hall, trembling all over.

He looks back once. Just once. He sees Jimin rise to his feet, holding his arm. Jimin refuses to look at them.

And Jungkook knows then. He will never not be controlled by this fear, fear of disappointing his parents. He’ll never be free of Seonjae’s hold. He doesn’t deserve happiness. He doesn’t deserve the love that someone could possibly be destined to give him.

There’s nothing he could do that would make Jungkook deserving of Park Jimin.

***

Jimin makes it to the bathroom before he throws up, luckily. One of his only blessings.

He doesn’t cry, though. No. Something feels too broken this time to cry, for right now at least.

Jimin wants to feel something, or rather knows he should feel something, but it’s dry. It’s empty. There’s nothing there anymore.

So, he picks himself off the ground one more time and goes to the sink. Taehyung is waiting for him in the meadow down the road. He made a promise.

Jimin rinses his mouth out and splashes cold water on his face, and he makes the walk to his best friend in silence.

It’s not as sunny out as it was earlier. The clouds are heavier now.

Taehyung sits by the biggest tree, flicking through his camera with his tongue poking out of his mouth. Jimin forces a smile onto his face as he plops down beside him. This, at least, he can manage. He can.

“Okay, rude of you to keep me waiting, but, I’m glad you did because I found the perfect angle, and I took some really nice photos of those lilies over there before the lighting got dimmer.” Taehyung excitedly shoves his camera in Jimin’s face. “Look at these!”

Jimin knows nothing of photography, not like Taehyung does. And that’s okay. Because Taehyung knows nothing of dance like Jimin does.

Jimin looks. “These photos are great, Tae.”

Taehyung frowns and pulls his camera back. “Did something happen?”

“What do you mean?”

“You look like you got hit by a bus.”

Jimin manages a laugh. “I’m okay, it’s just been a long day.” He feels slightly guilty from keeping this from Taehyung, but there will be a time and place to mention it. Now? Now is not the time.

If he can’t manage to do this one thing for his friend, then Seonjae may as well have won that battle.

Taehyung doesn’t look like he believes Jimin’s words entirely. But regardless, he moves on. “Can I get you to pose for a few pictures? I don’t want all of these to be just flowers.”

“Ooh, me? A model?” Jimin touches his lips in mock surprise. “I’m honored.”

Tae’s boxy grin flashes as he pushes Jimin over. “Go pick a flower and look pretty. And quick, before it rains again.”

Jimin wanders away, into the knee-deep grass and looks at all the flowers for the right one to pick. Taehyung is yelling to move left or move right, but Jimin is distracted by one flower in particular.

It’s withered, petals torn and ready to fall off. Just the one, in the crowd of other flowers. Jimin's mood suddenly drops, and he feels like he's losing his grasp on something.

Like me, he thinks, unable to take his eyes off the flower. Ruined and alone among everyone else who gets to be whole. Just like me.

He falls to his knees, as if all of his energy became depleted in one shot. He hears Taehyung calling him, but the words don’t register.

I just want to be happy. Jimin rubs the flower’s petals between his finger, watching silently as they crumble. He feels the rain moments later, and suddenly he cries along with it. Why am I destined to never have my soulmate? What could I have possibly done wrong?

And against his control or remaining willpower, Jimin sobs. It feels like a dam shattering and everything crashing into him.

Never has he felt this incomplete. Alone. Never has he felt so empty.

A hand touches his shoulder, gentle. “Jimin-ah,” Taehyung’s soft voice calls.

Jimin grabs Taehyung's hand, something heavy in his heart. "It's raining again, Tae."

"I know," he says, quiet. “Let’s go home.”

Chapter Text

***

The months pass by in a blur, to the point where Jungkook couldn’t tell which days are which. He focuses on his classes as much as he can. He works with Yoongi to help pass that math exam.

And thank whoever was above that he does pass, just barely, and his father is slightly less furious with him.

Seonjae is with Jungkook for the rest of the year, almost constantly. It’s as if he can never catch a moment alone while at school. He knows Seonjae is looking for trouble, looking to get Jungkook in trouble. And the thought of anyone else knowing fills him with so much terror that he goes along with it blindly.

He never speaks to Jimin again. Doesn’t even so much as look his way if he happens to be around, which isn’t often. Jungkook would assume Jimin avoids him as much as Jungkook avoids Jimin.

And then. Park Jimin graduates. He graduates, and he’s gone.

Needless to say, Jungkook falls further into his depressive state as a result.

I’ve lost him.

Somewhere in the months and months after that, he learns to accept it. Not to be happy, no. That may have been his last shot at happiness, but he learns to accept it and attempts to move on. He makes it to his final year, and the promise of living with Yoongi and going to university together makes him push through.

Of course, his father has other plans.

“I want you majoring in business,” he keeps telling Jungkook. “Business, or law. Not music. Not dance.”

Jungkook doesn’t know how to argue. He’s not sure what to do. Some days living and studying with Yoongi sounds like a dream he will never have. Other times, he considers dropping everything he’s doing and going there now.

Meanwhile Seonjae never lets up on Jungkook. He thought, prayed, that after Jimin graduated, some of the tension and threat would ease up.

He’d never been more wrong.

Jungkook studies for hours one afternoon. After all, college entrance exams are coming up. His heart isn’t into it though. The application for the performing arts university Yoongi attends stares at him on his desk, ignored.

His phone goes off with a notification. He checks it immediately, thinking it's his hyung.

It’s from Seonjae.

Jeon Seonjae [23:09] i need a ride

Jungkook grits his teeth. It is eleven o’clock at fucking night, for fuck’s sake.

KookieMonster [23:10] its late and im busy

Jeon Seonjae [23:10] not a choice

This. It’s this that he’s more tired of than anything. Because what does he do? He swallows his anger, remembers the consequences, and gets up to grab his car keys. He knows his parents won’t care because it’s Seonjae, and as far as they’re concerned, Seonjae’s the best influence Jungkook has.

He runs downstairs, where his father sits in the living room. Before Jungkook even gets around to speaking, his father says, “Where do you think you’re going this late?”

“I just got a text from Seonjae, he needs a ride,” Jungkook mumbles while shoving his boots on.

“Why’s that?”

Jungkook shrugs on his jacket. “He’s probably drunk.” He knows that’s not true, but nothing he says about Seonjae will offend his father.

“Responsible of him to call a friend rather than drive intoxicated,” his father says, turning back to the television show he was previously engrossed in.

Jungkook stares for a moment. You’re shitting me. Of course. Meanwhile if Jungkook had any drop of alcohol in him, he’d die. He’d just cease to exist.

Outside in his car, Jungkook texts both Yoongi and Seonjae.

KookieMonster [23:20] omw

KookieMonster [23:20] stg fucking Seonjae asks me to drive for him one more gd time ill scream

Yoongi texts back immediately.

yoongles [23:21] hit him with ur car

KookieMonster [23:21] omfg yoongi chill

yoongles [23:22] did I say kill him? no, no I didn’t

yoongles [23:22] but if u do kill him whoops

KookieMonster [23:23] hyung murder isnt always the answer

Seonjae is waiting for him at his aunt’s house, where he gets into Jungkook’s car wordlessly. He keeps his hands tightly gripped on his steering wheel. “I can’t keep doing this.”

“Sure you can,” Seonjae says, turning on the radio. “You know the spot.”

At that, Jungkook’s stomach drops. “Again? We’re doing this again?”

Seonjae gives him a dirty look. “Do you have to question me all the time?”

“Um, yes. This is my car, I’m the one who will be responsible if we’re caught.”

“So? Don’t get caught, maybe?”

Jungkook has to bite his tongue. And to think his father thought all highly of his cousin who’s out here doing and dealing God only knows what kind of drugs. He drives in silence where Seonjae tells him to, to a repeat location where he ignores whatever communication is happening between Seonjae and the person he is meeting. The entire time he glances out his mirrors, praying to anyone listening that no officer is behind him.

He’s really going to end up in prison, isn’t he.

He texts Yoongi.

KookieMonster [00:34] what’s the penalty for murder if I can make it look accidental

yoongles [00:34] probably 25 yrs max

KookieMonster [00:35] you answered that too quickly

KookieMonster [00:35] second question, what about for drug dealing

yoongles [00:36] tf kook. probably less time idk depends on what drugs

yoongles [00:36] what is sj up to. what are you up to.

KookieMonster [00:37] im just weighing my options here

Seonjae gets back in his car holding a fuck ton of won bills in his hand. Jungkook merely stares at it. Before Seonjae can yell at him, Jungkook starts to drive, feeling all too nauseous. His anxiety is worse than ever as he peers out the mirrors.

Pulling into his aunt’s driveway, Jungkook has to rest his head against the steering wheel while his hands continue to tremble. It takes him too long to find his voice, but Seonjae speaks first.

“What’s your problem, Jeon?”

He breaths shakily. “I can’t. I seriously can’t do this anymore. I’m done.”

“No, you’re not,” he responds. It makes Jungkook want to hit him in the face.

“Yes, I fucking am, Seonjae. This is too much.”

Seonjae’s eyes darken and his jaw clenches. “You owe me. Don’t forget that.”

This enrages him, and against Jungkook’s better judgment, his fuse explodes. “No, I don’t owe you anything! This isn’t me repaying you back, you stole from me!”

“Excuse me? You wanna back up for a second? Because last time I checked, I can ruin your life.”

“That’s my fucking point!” Jungkook yells. He doesn’t care that he’s in his aunt’s driveway. He just doesn’t care anymore. There is quite literally nothing for him to lose. And he is done with this. “You keep constantly holding my soulmate thing against me, but what more do you want? What more can you possibly want from me, Seonjae, he’s gone! He’s fucking gone, and I won’t ever have it back! That’s what you wanted, isn’t it? You’re so disgusted by something I never had control of, and this is what you fucking wanted, for me to never be happy. Well, you got it, didn’t you? Good job, you piece of shit.”

Lord. Jungkook’s crying, and breathing is so much harder than it was moments ago. He doesn’t know how he can keep going through all of this.

Seonjae is furious, too. Jungkook can tell. He’ll never understand his cousin’s blatant hatred of him. “Whatever, Jungkook. I’m just trying to protect you.”

“Protect me?” Jungkook gives him an incredulous look. If that isn’t just the biggest load of utter bullshit Jungkook’s ever heard. “Protect me from what? Falling in love? Having a soulmate? Yeah, you sure fucking protected me from that. And you’re sure using it to your fucking benefit too, aren’t you.”

Seonjae’s voice is dark when he says, “What, do you want our family to find out? Is that what you want? Because we can go inside and arrange it right now.”

“I want you to leave me alone!” The tears are coming down in hot waves now, and Jungkook is useless to stop it. A dam had been holding back all of his emotions since that day in the hallway, and the little cracks hammered into it over the months since have finally shattered.

There’s nothing more for him. He has nothing. Except maybe Yoongi, and for fuck’s sake, Yoongi’s probably better off without him.

“I don’t understand,” Jungkook sobs, and he doesn’t care that it’s his cousin he’s crying to. He doesn’t care that he’s probably going to be called a baby, or any other hurtful slur Seonjae his picked up on calling him. “I don’t understand how you could live with yourself and accept your own soulmate knowing you’ve done so much fucking damage to someone else’s. How could you accept someone’s love knowing you’ve ruined people!”

And that’s when Jungkook really feels the air change. He sees Seonjae tense, and for a moment he worries he’s about to get hit. Or killed. Completely wiped off the face of the planet.

He knows then. He knows, and maybe sees things with less of a filter in that second of realization. “Do you not have a soulmark?”

“Whatever, Jungkook, what the fuck ever. You’ve made your choice.” Seonjae immediately gets out of Jungkook’s car, slamming the door hard behind him, so hard that his car shakes. Jungkook watches him storm into his house, not even caring that it’s late.

I fucked up. I fucked up bad.

Jungkook doesn’t hesitate to drive home. In fact, he most definitely speeds to get there. Entering his house, he sees that his father is still awake, probably waiting on him. Because he can never have any peace or privacy.

“Is he safe?” his father asks.

“Perfectly fine,” Jungkook answers as steady as he can possibly manage right now, shielding his face from view. God, if his father saw that he was crying.

He races upstairs to his room before his father can speak, where he shuts and locks the door behind him and then utterly collapses. He digs his phone out of his pocket and dials his hyung’s number. Fuck that, he FaceTimes him.

“Kook-ah?” Yoongi’s grainy face pops into view seconds later.

“H-hyung.” The sound that escapes Jungkook is pitiful. “Hyung, I messed up. I-I messed up, and now I don’t know what’s gonna happen.”

“What do you mean, Jungkook? What happened?”

He breathes harshly and in gasps. He can’t think right now, his mind is in pure pandemonium. “Seonjae, he…I, I found out…I said…shit, he doesn’t have a soulmark, and I-I pushed it too far, I told him I was done with this, and I said something I shouldn’t have…hyung, I didn’t mean-”

“Jungkook, stop.” It’s a gentle command, and Jungkook stops speaking. “Breathe. Do that first.”

Jungkook tries. He runs a hand through his hair and holds, trying to force his lungs to work. Yoongi waits patiently on him, watching the screen without saying anything.

It takes minutes and minutes, but Jungkook is capable of speaking. Yoongi’s an expert at dealing with Jungkook’s breakdowns, truly. Who needs parents when you have Min Yoongi. He tells Yoongi what happened and waits for his hyung to speak.

“Do you think he’s going to tell?” is Yoongi’s first question.

That. That, exactly, is what Jungkook is avoiding thinking of. “I don’t know, hyung, I don’t know.”

Yoongi sighs and rubs at his face. “I think you should be prepared to accept that it might happen, kid.”

“I…I can’t,” Jungkook whispers. “I can’t, I don’t know how they’d react, I’m fucking terrified.”

“You can come live here now, Jungkook, I’ve told you that. Find a job, finish high school, and then apply here. You don’t have to wait.”

“Hyung, I’m scared.”

“I know you are. I know. I’m just saying that you’re not alone.”

Jungkook nods. There’s not much more he can say.

Yoongi shifts the phone in his hand. “Why don’t you get some sleep? It’s late and you have classes tomorrow.”

“I don’t know if I can sleep tonight,” Jungkook answers.

“I’ll stay on call until you do, if you want?”

Jungkook isn’t sure what he’d do without Yoongi. Nor is he sure why Yoongi sticks by him when all Jungkook does is cause him drama. “Thanks, hyung.”

In the end, Yoongi stays up with him all night.

***

The next morning, Jungkook is almost late for school. He takes the bus that morning, because he’s too exhausted to drive. The last thing he needs is driving off the road.

Or maybe that's the better option.

Jungkook slums through his first class without in anyway paying attention. He thinks he fell asleep with his eyes open. Either way it passed by without him even realizing.

But he did notice one thing.

Seonjae isn’t here today. And he’s not sure if that should worry him, or put him at ease.

Jungkook stops by his locker before his next class to switch books. And that’s where he encounters the first one. The first person whispering.

He looks around his shoulder, and there’s a group of girls looking at him. When he meets their gaze, the obvious look of disgust greets him.

Jungkook looks away quickly, his stomach churning. Maybe it was something different. Maybe the girl just didn’t like him. There are definitely people in this school who don’t like him. He’s Seonjae’s cousin, after all. Hell, Jungkook didn't even like himself.

And then.

He hears the slur.

Jungkook doesn’t even look in the direction of it, but he knows who it is. It’s Seonjae’s friend, Minho. He knows all of their voices all too well.

No.

Oh no…

Jungkook’s books are thrown from his arms as he’s spun around roughly. Minho stands there, with two other friends of Seonjae’s. “So,” he sneers, “we learned a little something interesting about you.”

“And Park Jimin,” one of the others, Jaehyun, says.

What if Jungkook pukes. Right here. On their shoes. What then. “I-I don’t-”

“You don’t know what we’re talking about?” Minho laughs. He starts to walk away from Jungkook, but not before kicking at his books. Just like they used to do to Jimin. “That’s okay, kid. The whole school knows what we’re talking about.”

Shit. Shit shit shit.

He stands there well until after the hallway empties. He can’t move.

No, no this can’t be happening.

When Jungkook feels like he can move without dying, Jungkook leaves. He doesn’t go to the bathroom, he just leaves the school. He leaves, and he walks clear down the street to the convenience store. Somehow he was lucky enough to get out of the building without getting caught, and even so, he didn’t care.

KookieMonster [09:52] they know

KookieMonster [09:52] the whole school knows

yoongles [09:53] im omw

KookieMonster [09:53] yoongi don’t

yoongles [09:53] idc I don’t have classes today

yoongles [09:54] where are you? I assume you left

yoongles [09:54] don’t go home yet

KookieMonster [09:55] convenience store a block from the school

Jungkook feels numb. Or in denial. He isn’t sure. But something isn’t registering properly. Maybe he’s in shock.

The hour it takes for Yoongi to arrive drags on and speeds by. Jungkook sits behind the store, staring at nothing at all. Yoongi reaches down in front of him while offering his hand. “Come on, kid.”

Jungkook stands and makes his way to Yoongi’s car without a single word. They sit there for maybe five minutes before Yoongi says, “The next step is yours. Do you want me to take you home? Do you want to rip this band-aid off?”

“I…” Jungkook trails off, shaking his head. “I don’t know. I was hoping Seonjae would be over this. I didn’t…I just didn’t think he’d actually put in this effort.”

“I did,” is Yoongi’s cold response.

Jungkook sighs. “Take me home please.”

Yoongi gives him a look that he can’t meet. “Are you sure?”

“I have no choice.”

So Yoongi drives to Jungkook’s house. His parents are home, which is the first bad sign. Fuck.

Jungkook’s life is slowly falling apart in front of him, and he’s barely aware of it.

Yoongi grips his wheel. “I’ll wait here.”

“Hyung, you don’t have to-”

“Shut up, Jungkook. We’ve talked about this. If it’s time, it’s time.”

It takes Jungkook a few minutes to brave stepping outside the safety net of Yoongi’s car, and his feet drag as he makes his way to his front door.

It opens and shuts without a noise, and Jungkook removes his shoes.

“Jungkook-ah?” his mother calls from the kitchen, softly. “Is that you?”

His voice trembles. “Yes, eomma.”

“Can you come here for a moment?”

He does.

Fuuuuuck.

His father sits at the table with his head propped on his hands, like he has a migraine. His mother sits across from him, biting her nails.

And Seonjae. Seonjae is in Jungkook’s seat, refusing to look up.

“Jungkook-ah,” his mother begins, but his father abruptly cuts her off.

“Why aren’t you at school?”

That isn’t quite what he was expecting. “I-I got sick.”

Seonjae choses then to speak. In such a concerned, caring voice. “Kook-ah, I had to tell them. I’m sorry to betray your trust like that, but I was so worried for you.” His eyes are wet. Fucking wet. “I told them about your soulmate.”

“You…worried…” Jungkook can’t form the words. Something burns in his stomach. “My soulmate.”

“We want to help, Jungkook-ah,” his mother says.

“No!” his father explodes at once, causing all of them to jump. All of them except Seonjae. “No, this is unacceptable. I won’t have this in my household, so help me God I will not.”

“I don’t have a soulmate, actually,” Jungkook finds himself biting out. He’s unsure who he’s targeting, but he realizes he is mad. Violently mad. “As a matter of fact, you made sure of that!”

Seonjae has the nerve, the audacity, to flinch and look wounded. As if he were the victim. “I was only trying to help you so it didn’t come to this.”

It’s no use and Jungkook knows it. There’s no point in arguing, trying to blame Seonjae. It never, never works when Jungkook tries to blame someone else.

His mother starts crying.

“What do you have to say? Huh? What do you have to say, Jungkook?” his father barks.

“I have no control over this! I never woke up one day and decided I wanted a male soulmate, I never chose to be gay!”

Wrong word, shouldn’t have said that, wrong word.

His father’s fists clench at his sides and Jungkook backs up. “Get out of this house.”

“Appa-”

“Get out! You’re no son of mine!” he screams, and that’s when things get swiped off the table. Jungkook’s mother jumps out of her chair and grabs his arm.

“Stop it! Stop it! You said we could help him, you said we could try the therapies-”

“Therapy?” Jungkook snaps at her. “Because of my soulmark? No, no I don’t think so. I’m leaving, don’t worry.”

Jungkook turns away to his room, with his mother shouting for him to come back, and his father shouting at her to shut up. He turns and sees Seonjae.

Seonjae smirks.

In Jungkook’s room he grabs his two bags. He’s not dumb; he knows his family well enough to know when he’s crossed a line and he knew that last night. He didn’t care about much in his room anyway.

KookieMonster [12:25] im coming out, will u help with bags

Downstairs, his mother is sobbing as Seonjae consoles her. His father is waiting by the front door. He won’t look Jungkook’s way.

Yoongi walks inside without an invite, or even so much as a knock. The glare he gives Jungkook’s father is enough to keep the man from saying anything. He meets Jungkook by the stairs and grabs a bag for him. “Is this all?”

“Yeah.” Jungkook’s voice is rough.

Seonjae steps forward. “Let me carry one for you.”

Yoongi is immediately in his face. “Don’t.”

“Hyung, stop.”

Seonjae’s pretense falls, and he sneers at Yoongi. “You’re the reason he’s like this, corrupting him all those years, you know that, Min Yoongi? You’re the reason he needs help.”

Jungkook winces even before Yoongi swings his fist.

Chaos ensues.

His mother screams at him, as if he’d done it, and his father all but drags him aggressively out of the house. Which of course, Yoongi kindly retaliates with by pushing him back and growling, “If you touch him again, I’m calling the police.”

“Excuse me-”

“Try me. I dare you.”

Yoongi grabs Jungkook’s fallen bag and pulls him to the car. Everything is happening in slow motion, through a haze.

“You’re never coming back here, boy, do you understand me? You’re not welcome here, in this family!” his father yells. Seonjae stands beside him, his nose bleeding profusely.

Yoongi pulls out of the driveway quickly, and it’s not long before Jungkook’s house, his life, disappears from view.

They drive in silence for about twenty minutes, until Jungkook tells Yoongi to stop the car. He stumbles out and throws up by the side of the road until there’s nothing in his stomach. His brain is still on autopilot, and he assumes it will be for a while. He accepts the numb for now, because the shit show that will follow is surely going to be a disaster.

He still notices something as they continue to Yoongi’s apartment in Seoul. He notices as his hyung clenches the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles turn blue.

“I thought you didn’t wear rings, hyung.”

Yoongi’s hand twitches. “I don’t.”

Chapter Text

One of the main reasons Jimin chose to stay on campus during the summer to work was the simple fact that it was summer. Less business, less chaos, less students.

Plus, he loves his job at the library. Sorting books, helping students, watching as it fills up with people cramming last minute for exams. He really appreciates the aesthetic.

Classes will start up again soon, in about two weeks, so Jimin’s been a bit busier than normal, since students are now flooding in more and more after the summer vacation. He never minds, though. Having things to do keeps him from being bummed out in his apartment all day with Taehyung doing his summer classes.

Jimin just finishes assisting a student on finding a book for her art history paper when he hears a crash from the back shelves, followed by, “Jimin-ah!”

Oh lord.

Jimin races to the back to find a disaster of books scattered on the floor. New books, freshly ordered. “Namjoon-hyung, what happened? What did you do?”

A bleach blond head peers around a bookshelf, glasses crooked on his face. “I one hundred percent had nothing to do with that, thank you; the books fell on their own.”

“Why don’t I believe you?”

“I don’t know, Jimin, where’s your faith in me?”

“Probably in that pile of books you knocked over.”

Jimin bends to help Namjoon pick up the fallen books. From their packaging, he can guess that these are new student-ordered textbooks, since the back of the library serves as the bookstore as well.

Namjoon has worked here for years and for the most part is in charge, and Jimin is grateful that he immediately let him have the job his first week here. Ever since then, it’s been pleasant working with him and the other students who work there. Aside from the worrisome times where Namjoon tries to kill himself by bringing a whole bookshelf down. Jimin was there, witnessed the whole thing, and he’s still unsure how it even happened. They keep Joon in the back of the bookstore. There's less to knock over.

A bell rings from the front, calling for attention. By the way it rings in rapid succession, it's Taehyung. Jimin knows it’s time for him to clock out when he hears Taehyung arrive. “One minute!”

Taehyung bounces on his feet as Jimin greets him, holding a tray of coffee in his hands. His camera hangs around his neck instead of secured in its bag. Knowing Tae, he stopped to photograph something on the way here. “Jimin-ah, you better not have plans this weekend because I’ve got a surprise for you. And here’s your nasty cold brew.”

Jimin graciously accepts the drink, taking a small sip. God bless. This could cure all his problems. His will to live has recovered. “Thank you, you're a saint. And you know I don’t have plans. When do I have plans?”

Namjoon bustles up to the front desk to drop off a stack of used textbooks. “Don’t let me forget to process these tomorrow. Taehyung-ah! Nice to see you again.”

Jimin snorts. As if Taehyung didn’t bother both of them religiously after work every single day.

Not that Jimin minds. Jimin never minds Taehyung’s company. And Namjoon doesn’t either, for that matter.

Taehyung slides the third and final coffee cup over the counter. “And for you, black tea. You guys are really missing out on flavor here.”

The three of them exit the library together, walking out into the brisk sunlight of the afternoon. Jimin enjoys the warm air on his face after being cramped inside the library all morning.

Taehyung empties his venti iced white mocha in less than a minute and tosses it in the trash. Jimin can feel the energy radiating from him in waves. It’s concerning. “Alright so as I was saying, there’s going to be a party this weekend, at one of the bigger houses, and I think we can get in!”

Jimin’s face falls. “Tae-”

“I think it’s hosted by that music production house, the top at the university. Oh my God, I bet it’ll have the sickest playlist. Hyung, what do you think?”

“I’ll be there,” Namjoon laughs. “That’s my old house.”

Tae’s eyes light up. “Wait, really? That’s so cool, hyung!”

“Taehyung,” Jimin says. It seems to take too much of his energy to speak. “I’ll pass.”

It hurts Jimin to see the excitement drain from him. Tae frowns slightly, just enough that his brows crease. “Just this once?”

Jimin feels small. He doesn’t want to tell Tae that he avoids large groups of people. It’s not that Taehyung doesn’t know that, but Jimin doesn’t want to have to explain that his fears and anxiety are going to hold him back from hanging out with his friend yet again. He merely shakes his head.

It takes effort, Jimin can tell, but Taehyung puts on a smile. “That’s alright. There’re tons of parties.”

“What about the semester welcome party next weekend?” Namjoon says. “That one is always a blast. I’s better than some of the other parties around here.”

Taehyung groans. “Ugh, I’d literally love to, but it’s purely invite only, like you have to know the host or have special connections or something. The host is literally like a celebrity at this point.”

“You’ve just been invited.”

Taehyung cocks his head, confused.

Namjoon blinks at him. “I’m inviting you.”

There's an awkward silence.

“You have ties with the host?”

Namjoon snorts loudly. “I would say so. That bitch is my soulmate.”

At this, both Tae and Jimin stare at Namjoon. Of course even though Jimin isn't contributing to the conversation, he knew who they were discussing. Kim Seokjin, the biggest name on this campus right now. A theatre major who’s already been in one hit drama, and he hasn’t even graduated yet.

Namjoon’s soulmate? Bet.

“What?” Namjoon says, turning his gaze from Jimin to Taehyung. “It happens.” He digs his phone out of his pocket and shows, yes, him and the Kim Seokjin. “Three years now. Is it that surprising?”

“Not saying I’m surprised it’s you, hyung, just saying I’m starstruck that I’m friends with like. The First Lady of the university.”

Namjoon barks out a laugh. “Okay, Taehyung.”

“Jimin? Do you want to go?” Taehyung asks, his voice more gentle now. Jimin knows his friends want to spend time with him and do the typical college things. And honestly, he doesn’t necessarily mind what it means to be at a party. He would love to go, have a few drinks, hang out with his friends.

And meet the literal Kim Seokjin, holy shit.

It’s just. He can’t, can’t, tolerate large crowds of strangers. He’d rather die. In fact it feels like he’s dying when he’s in those scenarios, and he just can’t help it.

But Taehyung looks so hopeful, and Namjoon so quizzical. He’s yet to tell his hyung about his soulmark problems. No one but Taehyung knows, honestly. Jimin doesn’t want to let them down yet again, so he says, “I’ll go. It’s one of the biggest parties of the year, isn’t it?”

Taehyung grins widely, practically bouncing on his feet. “Yes, yes, yessss, I’m so excited.”

“Hoseok will be there, Jimin. I know you two are friends,” Namjoon adds, to which Jimin nods wordlessly. He knows Hoseok from class; they’re both dance majors, and Hoseok, being more advanced than him, has helped him numerous times in the studio. Jimin vaguely knows that Namjoon and Hoseok enjoying rapping together sometimes, as a side hobby.

“Yeah,” Jimin murmurs, clenching his drink tightly between his hands. He takes a sip and enjoys the bitterness.

The two of them separate from Namjoon with cheerful goodbyes as they make it to their apartment. Jimin suddenly feels very exhausted.

Especially since Taehyung is giving him a look. He knows that look. It’s not his favorite Taehyung look. “What?” Jimin says after tossing his keys on the counter where he’ll likely forget them in the morning.

“It’s just…” Taehyung starts. Jimin clenches his teeth; he’s not mad at Taehyung for what he knows is about to be mentioned. He’s not. It’s not Taehyung’s fault for wanting to help. “Have you thought anymore about going to therapy?”

Breathe. Jimin takes a slow, deep inhale of air. He’s not sure why the idea sends fire through his veins. “I’m okay, Taehyung. Just because I don’t want to go to a stupid party doesn’t mean I need therapy.”

“Jimin-ah, it’s more than that-”

“No, it isn’t!” The words tear out of Jimin’s mouth before he can help it. He leans against the kitchen skin. “I don’t want to talk about this right now.” He’s so angry, and he doesn’t know how to stop himself from being angry at Taehyung as well. It’s not his fault.

It’s not mine either.

Taehyung slides something across the counter. A piece of paper, a pamphlet. Jimin doesn’t look at it; he grips the edge of the counter so hard it hurts. “Please consider this, at least. Please. It could help.”

“I don’t fucking need help, for fuck’s sake!” Jimin snaps. “What, you think I asked for any of this? It’s not my fault, I shouldn’t have to be punished for what everyone else did!”

Taehyung is quiet. Jimin’s mind is going in too many directions. “I’m just trying to help, Chim.”

“I know,” Jimin whispers. Great, his voice is thick with tears. Just great. “I know, I’m sorry.”

I’ve fucked up yet again. He always does.

“No, I’m sorry for pushing-”

“Stop, Tae. Don’t apologize.” Jimin runs a hand through his hair. It had been a decent morning until Jimin’s mind had to ruin it. He can turn it around, though. He can do that, at least. “I’ll go with you next weekend, I promise.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I want to. I do.” Jimin grabs Taehyung’s hand. “Let’s go find you something to wear for this weekend. It’s tomorrow night, right? If you don’t look like a stripper, you’re doing it wrong, come on.”

Taehyung lets out a chuckle at that, and the sound makes Jimin feel a little better. He hates arguing with Tae; he’d rather do anything else than fight with his best friend. “Jimin, you’re dragging me to your room.”

“Like I said, stripper or you’ve failed.”

“Wait, Jimin-ah.” Taehyung grabs his hand. “I’ve had a genius idea. Purely inspirational.”

Jimin has been scarred by those words before. “Oh no.”

“Let’s dye our hair.”

“Wait what? Right now?”

“Right now.”

Taehyung bustles away to grab his wallet and keys, ignoring Jimin’s protests. “Tae! Wait a minute, we haven’t even picked a color!” Jimin shoves his shoes on in a hurry, as Taehyung is already making his way out the door.

The pamphlet Taehyung gave Jimin lays on the countertop, ignored.

***

The week ends without much more to it, and Taehyung spends way too many hours in the bathroom getting ready.

Way. Too. Many.

“Hurry up!” Jimin pounds on the door. “It’s literally been three hours.”

Taehyung swings the door open with a toothbrush dangling from his lips. “No it hasn’t, drama queen.” He flicks his hand through his freshly dyed blue hair a few times in the mirror, admiring its fluffiness. “Best decision I’ve ever made.”

Jimin peers into the mirror at his own blonde hair. It looked incredible, actually. And deep down he knew Taehyung realized the change would make Jimin feel better. “I think your pre-party bathroom time needs cut down.”

Taehyung frowns with a mouthful of toothpaste. “This?" He circles his face with a lazy hand gesture. "Takes effort.”

Jimin shakes his head and goes back to the couch, where he has One Piece playing in the background and a few takeout menus sitting on the table.

That’s his Friday night plan. Alone, anime, takeout.

Taehyung finally emerges from the bathroom and Jimin will admit his friend looks amazing. In the end, he only ended up borrowing a pair of Jimin’s skinny jeans. The leather kind, that he used mainly in dance performances. The flowy shirt and jacket pairing, that’s all his own. Taehyung isn’t wearing much makeup, just a bit of liner and eye shadow.

The blue hair really suits him.

Taehyung sees Jimin staring at him and he does a dramatic spin. “Does it pass Park Jimin’s vibe check? Is it Burlesque enough for you?”

“I don’t know, do you intend on removing any of it tonight?”

Taehyung throws a pillow at him, which Jimin dodges. He sees Taehyung’s face change ever so slightly. “Are you sure you don’t mind? I can stay and watch One Piece with you tonight.”

Jimin shakes his head. “I promise I’ll be fine, Tae. Besides, I want to go to the studio tomorrow, and I don’t dance well with alcohol in my system. We can watch One Piece tomorrow while you’re nursing your hangover.”

“First of all, yes you do-”

Jimin starts shoving Taehyung towards the door. “Get going before you miss the best drinks. Namjoon-hyung is probably waiting on you. Tell him I said hi. Don’t drink too much.”

“Now you’re asking too much of me, Chim.” Taehyung laughs as he closes the door behind him.

Jimin breathes out a sigh. It’s not that he wants Taehyung gone. He’s just ready to eat too much and cry over nothing and be alone as his own choice. Just for tonight, to get it out of his system.

He passes by the counter and sees it. The pamphlet Taehyung tried to give him. It’s a bright yellow color, folded into three panels. Jimin peeks at it for the first time.

Soulmate Support Group

For those suffering from circumstances
surrounding soulmarks, or lack thereof

Jimin turns away. He doesn’t want to read anymore. He doesn’t want to focus on that tonight. But it feels like a betrayal to Taehyung to throw it away knowing he only got it to help Jimin. So wordlessly, he sticks it to the fridge with a magnet and moves on.

That’s his effort. That’s his first move.

No one can make him go quicker than that.

***

Jungkook takes three wrong turns and Yoongi regrets not just walking to the party.

“In my defense, hyung, I’ve never been to the old music production house. You lived there for one semester and that was it,” Jungkook huffs after the third time. “And I’m still new to the city.”

“It’s like five blocks away, kid.”

“You should’ve walked then!”

“I’ll walk right now, watch me.” Yoongi reaches for the handle.

“Oh my Christ, okay, okay! I’m on the right road. Is it down there, at the end?” When Yoongi confirms that yes, that’s the house, you shithead, can’t you hear the music, Jungkook sighs in relief and kicks his hyung out of the car.

Yoongi peaks his head through the window. “You sure you don’t want to come? Everyone in the house knows me, you could easily get in. Just no drinking.”

Jungkook shakes his head. “No, you know I have to work early in the morning, or else I would.”

Yoongi scoffs. “See, this is why you don’t schedule to work on the weekends.”

“I have to pay to go here,” Jungkook says. “It’s not free.”

“You don’t even pay rent.”

“Because you won’t let me!”

“You’re my child, of course not, what kind of parent would I be.”

Jungkook snorts. “Okay, hyung. Call me if you need a ride back tonight. I’m serious, I don’t care if I’m asleep, if you can’t make it back on your own, call.”

“Fine,” Yoongi tsks at him. “Can’t believe my own son is treating me like a child.” He pushes himself away from the car. “You’ll come to the next one, won’t you? Next weekend? Jin and Namjoon are expecting you, they want to meet you.”

“I’ll go, yeah.”

Yoongi starts towards the house with a wave back at Jungkook. He never sees his hyung wear anything more than ripped jeans and shirts way too big for him, but Yoongi put effort into his appearance tonight. His jeans are still ripped, and his shirt is still baggy, but more form fitting.

And he did his makeup. Jungkook didn’t even know Yoongi owned makeup.

Jungkook looks longingly at the house, where lights and music pour out of every opening. It’s a large building. Which is expected, since it houses who knows how many music production majors. He knows that some other majors have houses on campus, including both of his majors, dance and vocal performance.

But nothing beats the music producers of this campus.

Jungkook feels an overwhelming sense of peace. A lot may have happened in the past six months, but he feels like he can finally find his footing here. He may not be in a perfect spot, but he's getting there. Yoongi doesn't let him pay rent, but Yoongi does force him to get mental help, and so far the antidepressants make it a little more bearable. He’s not doing business or law or any other boring ass major his father had wanted. He’s doing what he wants, and what he’s good at, and he’s excited to start classes in a week or so.

And classes aren’t cheap. So Jungkook drives home, to Yoongi’s tiny apartment that they now share, where he has to wake up early for work tomorrow.

***

It’s late by the time Jimin feels ready to sleep, which isn’t anything new. It takes so much effort for him to sleep these days that he's surprised he's alive. Jimin would be lying if he said he wasn’t waiting for Taehyung to come home, because he had been for a while.

Jimin cleans the living room of the takeout he ordered, and puts up the leftovers he made sure to save for Tae’s drunk ass. He then goes to his room to lay down, both exhausted as can be and yet wide, wide awake.

Maybe if I hit my head off the wall hard enough it’ll knock me out, Jimin thinks to himself.

Probably not the best idea.

He’s settled into his bed, semi-drowsy, when his phone goes off with a notification. And another.

And another.

Jimin grabs it, since it could be Taehyung drunk-texting from Gangnam, who knows. And he does see Taehyung’s name as the sender of the still oncoming messages.

TaeTae<3 [01:22] jimin

TaeTae<3 [01:22] are u awaek?

TaeTae<3 [01:23] pls be awake

TaeTae<3 [01:23] I need 2 takl

TaeTae<3 [01:23] chim

TaeTae<3 [01:23] im calling u plz answer

Just as Jimin finishes reading through all of them in a hurry, his phone begins to ring. He answers Taehyung’s call without hesitation, his heart pounding aggressively in his chest. Immediately he hears the loud music of the party going on in the background. “Tae? Are you alright?”

Taehyung’s frantic rambles follow. “Chim, holy shit, holy fuck, I…it happened, we were – and then, oh my God, I’m freaking out, I’m freaking out, he said the thing, and then-”

“Taehyung, stop. Stop. You aren’t making sense. Are you even breathing?”

Taehyung breathes out sharply. “No, no I’m not. I am now, though.”

Jimin feels something ugly boiling in his stomach. He isn’t sure if it’s panic or dread. Taehyung sounds alright. Alive, at the very least. “Okay, start over. Slowly, this time. Are you okay? Are you hurt, or did something hap-”

“Jimin,” Taehyung interrupts, his voice shaky. “I met him. I met my soulmate.”

Chapter Text

The night air is hot even for a summer evening. Taehyung would love for Jimin to come along. He feels guilty about leaving Jimin behind at their apartment, but he understands Jimin’s need for patience in this. His friend has a lot of trust issues regarding new people, and Taehyung doesn’t blame him. 

However, Jimin told him to have a good time, and it would be an offense against him to ignore that, so Taehyung's about to have a good ass time. 

Taehyung finds the address with no problem. The house that the music production majors live in is one of the largest houses, probably the largest house. It’s kind of hard to miss, with all the lights radiating from it and the music pulsing from the walls.

This is going to be fantastic.

He texted Namjoon about a block from the house, telling him he was on his way. Luckily, he’s waiting for Taehyung by the front of the house when he arrives, and together they slink their way through the doors, no questions asked.

“Man, what’s it like to be a music production major?” Taehyung asks in awe. “You get the biggest house on campus, you’re the most popular group, you’re cool as hell.”

Namjoon chuckles at him as he leads them through the house to the kitchen. “It’s a busy major, I’ll say. Competitive, too. The better drinks are up here, hang on.” Namjoon pulls down a different bottle than the rest lining the table.

Needless to say, Taehyung takes four consecutive shots. Plus he mixes a drink and that’s half gone very quickly.

He follows Namjoon to the main room, where loud music blares and bodies dance everywhere. Taehyung enjoys the hype of parties, and this is typically a better scene than some of the sketchy ones he’s been to. He can’t dance nearly as well as Jimin, but he sure tries. “This music is fire!”

Namjoon nods his head and shouts over the sound. “Yeah, my friend Yoongi usually sets up the track list! Hang on a sec, I’ll see if I can find him up there.”

Namjoon leaves Taehyung to his own devices, which he doesn’t mind. He sways to the beat of the music, enjoying how loose and flowy his movements feel. A few people, both boys and girls, ask him to dance, but he declines.  

He’s bopping around maybe too much, though, because suddenly a shoulder slams into his, or maybe he slams into the shoulder, and it sends him stumbling. Taehyung grabs onto something to steady himself, an arm, shit, an arm, and then suddenly he’s bringing a body down on top of him.

Taehyung lands hard with a grunt, the air knocked from his lungs. That was startling. He looks up at the person who fell on him, and oh, wow okay. Pretty, very pretty, he can’t tell if his hair was mint green or if the lighting made it look that way. “Did you fall from heaven, cos you’re pretty…heavy.”

The guy stares at him, eyes wide in what looked like horror. Anger? Surprise? Taehyung almost offers an apology – it was supposed to be a pick-up line, shit – but then. Then.

“I’d be offended, but fuck, you’re gorgeous.”

Taehyung feels the world stop. Or maybe he zones out. Dissociates? Either way, the atmosphere around him changes dramatically. His stomach lurches.

They stare at each other, and stare, this mint haired man laying awkwardly on top of him, Taehyung gawking at him as if he just said Taehyung’s soulmark words or something.

Which he very much fucking did.

Oh. Oh god. Fucking shit. Taehyung’s soulmate. His soulmate. Laying on top of him.

Namjoon shows up, holding a drink and his phone in one hand. “Well, um. I see you found him before I did.”

Wait. What?

At that, the guy – Namjoon’s friend – scrambles to his feet, dusting off the front of his jacket. Taehyung rises much more slowly, everything going in slow motion now, through the haze of alcohol and what just happened. “If you’ll uh, excuse me. I need some air.”

And so Taehyung bolts outside, his heart hammering in his chest louder than the music at the party. The music Namjoon’s friend, whose name he’s already forgotten, picked out.

The music his own goddamn soulmate holy shit holy mother of lord picked out.

Taehyung fumbles for his phone and struggles to find Jimin’s contact. At first he texts him, frantically, his fingers stumbling over the keys, before he realizes he needs to talk. With words.

He calls, and Jimin answers immediately. “Tae? Are you alright?”

Words fall from Taehyung’s mouth in a hurry, almost like gibberish, his mind buzzing. “Chim, holy shit, holy fuck, I…it happened, we were – and then, oh my God, I’m freaking out, I’m freaking out, he said the thing, and then-”

“Taehyung, stop. Stop. You aren’t making sense. Are you even breathing?”

Actually, he discovers, he isn’t. “No, no I’m not. I am now, though.”

It takes Jimin a moment to speak. “Okay, start over. Slowly, this time. Are you okay? Are you hurt, or did something hap-”

“Jimin,” Taehyung jumps in, trembling from head to toe. With excitement? Dread? Fear? He isn’t sure. “I met my soulmate.”

Jimin doesn’t respond. For a long while. Taehyung doesn’t know how to break the silence. “Well,” Jimin says after a while, “what did you say? Who spoke first? Come on, Tae, I’ve been waiting to hear those disaster words of yours as long as you have.”

Taehyung breathes a sigh of relief he didn’t know he’d been holding. He isn’t sure why; did he assume Jimin would be mad? Or upset? He retells the story to Jimin to the best of his ability, and Jimin cracks up on the other end.

“Are you okay?” Taehyung asks frantically, without even thinking.

Jimin’s laughing dies down. “Of course, Tae. I’m happy for you. Of the two of us, one should have a good soulmate experience, and I’m glad it’s you.”

“Both of us should.”

Jimin chuckles. “Taehyung, go get to know your soulmate. Did you even catch his name?”

“N-no, not yet. It’s Namjoon’s friend, can you believe it? I’ll talk to you later, Chim.”

And with that, Taehyung takes one more large breath. Why is he so nervous? It’s his soulmate, his destined forever person.

Because it’s his soulmate, for Christ’s sake, that’s why.

Inside the house, he quickly finds Namjoon and the guy sitting on a couch. Namjoon crouches in front of him, apparently calming him down. Taehyung almost doesn’t want to interfere.

He doesn’t feel sober, no. Not quite. But he does feel more serious right now. It's a bit terrifying.

And. Excited. He’s excited. Taehyung takes a seat beside the boy with mint hair who the universe decided is his partner. He looks up at Taehyung with wide eyes. So cuteeee, Taehyung thinks, smiling. I’m fond.

“Well,” Namjoon clears his throat. “I’ll let you guys introduce yourselves. I’ll be around.”

Taehyung barely notices. He can’t tear his eyes away. Sticking out a hand, he says, “I’m Kim Taehyung, your soulmate, nice to meet you.”

The cute boy stares. And stares. He swallows roughly. But then. Then, he grabs Taehyung’s hand, smiling ever so lightly. A tiny quirk on his lips. “Min Yoongi.”

***

The sound of gunshots and explosions in the background of Jungkook’s game almost completely block the sound of Yoongi stumbling through the door. He’d been keeping an eye on his phone in case his hyung needed something, and with no word from him, he had assumed Yoongi was doing just fine.

So when the door to their shared apartment is flung shut, Jungkook jumps so hard his Xbox controller slips from his fingers. “Hyung?”

Yoongi is very obviously drunk. He slouches against the counter as he kicks his shoes off, and when that feat is accomplished, he slides to the floor in a pile of bonelessness. Jungkook doesn’t know whether he should laugh or help. He decides to do both.

Jungkook lets him lay on the cool floor for a moment while he pours him a glass of water. “I see you got home in one piece. I think I’m proud.”

Yoongi groans as he tries to sit up. Jungkook wonders just how much he drank. Yoongi’s the person who thinks he has a high tolerance and starts to regret life after two shots. “Got escorted home.”

“Either way.” Jungkook props him up by the door and hands him the water. Yoongi pushes it away. “If you drink some, I’ll help you to your bed.”

“Funny if you think I won’t sleep right here.”

“I’ll carry your ass. Don’t try me.” Luckily Yoongi drinks the water. “Do you want a cold compress? You look like death.”

“Jungkook-ah,” Yoongi mutters, resting his head against the door. “Jungkook.”

Jungkook stares at him. Just how drunk is he? “I’m right here.”

“Met ‘em.” His words are slurred. Jungkook almost doesn’t understand. “Met ‘em, he was so nice, nice ‘n pretty. Had blue hair.”

“Hyung, what are you talking about?” It’s time for Yoongi to go to bed, he thinks. He hoists Yoongi’s arm over his shoulder and picks him up. Yoongi isn’t a particularly heavy person and Jungkook isn’t weak, but when Yoongi is limp and won’t fucking move it proves to be a challenge. “Come on, Yoongi, please put your weight on your feet.”

Yoongi makes it to the couch, so Jungkook will give him that. He figures that Yoongi isn’t going to move anymore tonight and grabs a blanket from his room.

As soon as Jungkook returns, Yoongi sits up in a hurry. “Bathroom.” He doesn’t even wait for Jungkook before he races to the bathroom and collapses by the toilet.

And then pukes.

Jungkook winces in sympathy. It’s probably time for that cold compress, so he grabs a cloth and dampens it with cool water from the sink.

 “Jungkook-ah.” Yoongi’s voice is heavy and rough. “I’m sorry.”

“What are you sorry for? This happens sometimes, hyung.” As if Jungkook hasn’t drunk-vomited on Yoongi before. This is nothing at all.

“’m sorry bout your soulmate, Jungkook, ‘m so sorry.”

To say it startles him would be putting it lightly, and Jungkook tenses. “What does that…why would you…” Jungkook swallows hard as he places the wet cloth around Yoongi’s neck. “Why don’t you get some sleep soon, you’ll feel better in the morning.”

“I found him,” Yoongi says, wiping his mouth. “I found my soulmate tonight.”

Jungkook blinks. Him? “You…he’s…wait a minute, hyung, you found your soulmate? A guy?”

Eyes drifting shut, Yoongi nods.

Jungkook feels too many things at once. Yeah, he’s suddenly bummed out. He feels the burden of his own mistakes crash into him at that, especially since Yoongi is apologizing. But undeniably, he’s happy. Happy that Yoongi can be happy now. “Hyung, I’m really glad you found him tonight. This is gonna be so exciting when you wake up. This is a big deal. We’re celebrating tomorrow, you’re not getting out of it.”

Yoongi grins, very small, and very brief. Jungkook struggles to once again get him to his feet, but it’s less difficult than earlier. They make it to Yoongi’s room, where he immediately face plants his bed, no hesitation.

“What’s his name, hyung? You can’t drop this on me and then fall asleep, that’s mean. It’s rude. Wake the fuck up. Hyung, come on!”

Yoongi is out cold. Jungkook is offended.

It’s bittersweet, how he feels. He really is happy for his hyung. But some part of him hurts. That’s the part he ignores, and will continue to ignore. Because it’s not about him right now, it’s about Yoongi.

Jungkook made mistakes. Those were on him. He had chances, and those chances have disappeared, and he’s spent months, years now, trying to convince himself to move on. It works, sometimes. For the most part.

Still. Still.

It’s so hard to love himself knowing no one else will. And he doesn’t know how to move on from that.

Chapter Text

It takes a handful of days, but eventually Taehyung sees through Jimin’s façade.

Jimin listens to Taehyung talk and talk and talk about Min Yoongi. He listens to everything because to admit that it stings every time Taehyung mentions the word “soulmate” would be admitting defeat. And Jimin can’t do that. He can’t ruin Taehyung’s happiness.

Because that’s just it. Taehyung is happy; Jimin is self-loathing. And eventually he can’t hide it.

It happens after the fifth picture in half an hour. As Jimin reads through Webtoons on the couch, Taehyung leans over to shove his phone in Jimin’s face, where he sees yet another photo of Min Yoongi grinning into the camera. Jimin barely looks at it. “Isn’t that the same as the last one? Does he not know how to pose?”

Okay, even he knows that’s just heartless.

Taehyung’s face falls a little as he lowers his phone. Jimin is filled with immediate regret. Wow, you may as well have kicked a puppy. “I can stop if I’m bothering you. I’ve been a bit overbearing the past few days, I know.”

“Why would you be bothering me?” Jimin tries to counter, and yet it comes out equally as aggressive. He knows he’s not being fair, that he has no right to suddenly become defensive, but he’s trying so hard to not feel all the negative, intrusive emotions. The jealously, bitterness, anger, despair. Jimin tries to force them away. 

Tries. It doesn’t mean he succeeds. Emotion-heavy words tend to fall out of his mouth before he can put on a mask to hide it.

“I’m being inconsiderate about the soulmate thing, aren’t I?”

“I’m just like everyone else, Tae,” Jimin says as calmly as he can manage. Great. Tears pool at the corners of his eyes and completely blurring the words on the screen in front of him. “I can handle hearing my best friend talk about his soulmate, alright?”

“Jimin-ah-”

“What, Taehyung? What do you want from me?”

“For our conversations to not feel fake and forced? I don’t know, it hasn’t been normal talking to you lately. I’m just concerned if I’m overstepping somewhere.” Taehyung looks sincerely upset, with his brows furrowed and lip bitten between his teeth. “I don’t want to upset you-”

“I can handle it, for fuck’s sake!”

Jimin, you piece of shit, now you've done it.

Taehyung’s mouth snaps shut.

Jimin runs a hand through his hair and covers his face. “I’m so sorry, Tae, I didn’t mean to yell, I’m sorry.” He pulls his hand away; it’s wet.

Fantastic.

“Don’t be sorry, Chim,” Taehyung says, but he’s hurt. He’s very hurt, and Jimin can hear it, and it hurts to know he just did that to him. For all of Taehyung’s strengths, he takes being yelled at pretty rough, especially by people he loves. And Jimin should’ve considered that.

Why can't he control this?

“It was uncalled for. I’ve been too bitter lately.”

“I just wish you could feel happier.” Taehyung stands up with a grin, but Jimin can tell he’s taken aback. “I’m gonna go get some coffee with Yoongi, give you some space from my obnoxious blabbering. Do you want anything? Perhaps some actual muddy water in a cup that you call coffee?”

Jimin chuckles and wipes at his eyes. The burden still presses on his shoulders, but he forces that smile one last time. “I’m good, Tae. Thank you, though.”

Taehyung leaves, and Jimin is unable to stop himself from crying. It’s weak, and he feels pretty low right now. He always tries his best to avoid directing his negative emotions at his friends. He just feels so disgusted with himself, and it slipped out.

He’s so happy for Taehyung. But he’s human. And he wants his soulmate just like the next person. Right? He's allowed to want that.

So yeah. Jimin feels a little cheated out by the universe.

He digs out his phone and calls his mother. She answers after a few rings, thank God. “Hey, sweetheart!”

“Eomma,” Jimin says quietly. Something about her voice calms him instantly. He hasn’t spoken on the phone with her in a few weeks, he realizes.

“You sound upset. Is something bothering you?”

Roughly, Jimin wipes at his eyes and places his phone on the counter, speaker on. “Just a bad day.”

“Why’s that?”

He didn’t even know how to verbalize exactly what he was feeling that he hasn’t already before. At some point the same issues and feelings just become too exhausting to talk about again and again and again. “Long story. But have I told you about Taehyung?”

His mother shuffles the phone. “No, you haven’t. Has something happened to him?”

“He found his soulmate a few days ago.” She gasps. Likely a combination of surprise, happiness, and anger that he didn’t tell her immediately. “Yeah, found him at a party. Literally stumbled into him.”

“Him?”

Jimin pauses. It slips out without a thought. He knew for sure his mother would be accepting of their sexuality; that was never a concern in his life, thankfully. But still. “Him.”

There’s a moment of silence, and he realizes what is soon to follow it. “Is that why you’ve been upset? Because of soulmates?”

“I’m happy for Taehyung.” Jimin feels like that’s an excuse at this point. Not a lie. Just an excuse to ignore his feelings.

“Jimin, honey.” His mother knew about high school, for the most part. Maybe not every detail, but the generality of it. He never kept those secrets from her. “I know you don’t feel anything but happiness for Taehyung, but I’m asking about why you’re upset. And I’ve told you before, there was harm done in the past, but there’s still that one person who will say your words for you one day, correctly.”

“I know.” Responding to that statement is second nature. He does know, in theory. It doesn’t take any of the hurt away. It doesn’t make the loneliness, the emptiness, disappear.

“Have you been in the studio lately?” she asks.

Jimin winces. It’s an innocent question, but it makes him feel guilty. “Ah, not much. I’ve spent most of the summer working. Maybe once or twice a week for a few hours, but that’s it.”

“You should get back in there soon, then. That’s always been your happy place.”

“It has,” Jimin agrees. He really hasn’t been dancing a lot lately. Maybe that’s been weighing on him just as much as everything else has.

“I promise it’ll work out in the end,” his mother says.

“It will. Thank you, eomma.”

“Thanks for calling, sweetheart. Call again soon!”

He promises he will and hangs up with a sigh. At least he can say he feels somewhat better than before. That’s the only plus here.

From the fridge he grabs a bottle of water, noting the time. Work starts in two hours, so that should be enough time for him to properly collect his shit and shape up into a functional human being. Probably.

The color yellow catches his eye as he closes the door. Jimin frowns at the pamphlet stuck to the fridge. He wants to ignore it so bad.

But. For once, something makes him consider it.

Snatching it from under its magnet, Jimin looks more closely at the print on the front.

Meetings are:

Tuesday and Thursday at 11:30 am and 5:30pm!

Tomorrow is Thursday. He’ll go tomorrow afternoon after work, he decides. He texts Taehyung about it, so it solidifies the choice. No backing out. Because if he’s being honest, he can’t trust himself not to find an excuse, any excuse at all.

The fear of talking to new people turns his blood icy, though, and he has to push that down with all his might.

ChimChim<3 [10:09] i think im gonna go to that support group tmr, and maybe the studio

TaeTae<3 [10:13] omg yay jimin!!!

TaeTae<3 [10:13] I think it’ll be nice for u to see ur not alone

TaeTae<3 [10:14] im really happy ur gonna try

ChimChim<3 [10:15] me too I think. now enjoy your coffee date with ur s.m.

TaeTae<3 [10:15] <3 <3 love u chim

TaeTae<3 [10:17] hey r u still coming to the party this weekend

Read [10:18]

***

Jungkook still hasn’t adapted.

The big campus is completely confusing. With his class schedule in hand, he tries his best to get a feel for the buildings and classrooms beforehand, because he knows, he just knows, he’ll be late on his first day.

Yoongi says it takes forever to get used to, but Yoongi also never leaves his apartment.

But overall, Jungkook is buzzing in anticipation waiting for classes.

The only building Jungkook is intimately familiar with is the building housing the dance studios. There’s four total, all large and impressive, with mirrors lining two adjacent walls. He’s spent most of the summer here, actually.

“Do you even know how to dance?” Yoongi had asked him when he was picking out his majors. “Because I’m pretty sure you have to live audition for this major.”

“Yes, hyung, how dare you. Do you not remember how hard I worked for that street dance team years ago?” Jungkook had retorted. Just because his father ultimately shat on that dream of his doesn’t mean he isn’t capable of bringing it back.

That goes to show, his audition had been a little choppy, but potential is potential, they’d said, and passion is passion.

And that’s why, since living with Yoongi, he took advantage of the dance studios. Sometimes there are students practicing who are willing to help him out, to help him brush up.

It’s a start.

As for vocal performance, even Yoongi said he’s good on that end.

Jungkook wanders almost aimlessly until he finds the library. Yoongi had told him that the bookstore was inside, so he dips in for both of their textbook orders. His hyung asked Jungkook to get his as well since he was busy with his soulmate yet again. He swears, he’s never seen Yoongi so social.

The library building is large, nearly six stories it seems. Inside is pretty, but intimidating. Jungkook knows he’ll probably spend time here, studying. And probably crying. Yoongi’s apartment is nice enough, but if he’s paying as much as he has to for college, he’s using the facilities.

He arrives at the front desk, where he waits. “One moment!” someone calls out, so he waits some more, pulling out his phone to check the pick-up number. 

KookieMonster [10:34] picking up ur stupid books now

yoongles [10:35] bless u child

“Hi, how can I help you?”

Jungkook looks up at the figure who speaks. A blonde man with a big, dimpled smile stands there. He looks like he might be a student, Jungkook guesses. His nametag reads Kim Namjoon.

Wait. Wait a minute. “Ah, you’re Yoongi-hyung’s friend!”

“Jungkook-ah?” Namjoon squints at him through his glasses. “It’s nice to meet you! Yoongi’s told me a lot about you.”

Jungkook snorts. “I’m sure that’s not a good thing.” Yoongi would typically introduce him as a brat to every human he’s met. He’s pretty sure Yoongi’s already told his soulmate that Jungkook is his problem child. “I’m here to pick up my textbook order. Yoongi’s too, if you don’t mind?”

“No problem, give me one second.” It takes Namjoon only a few moments to locate his and Yoongi’s books from the back where the library branches into the bookstore. When he returns, he slides the stack across the counter. “Here you are.”

“Thanks, Namjoon-ssi. Yoongi-hyung is too busy right now with his soulmate, so he has me slaving around.”

Namjoon chuckles at him. “Call me hyung, too. And his soulmate’s a pretty nice dude, he stops by here all the time.” He throws a glance over his shoulder. “Listen Jungkook, I have an issue to deal with in the back that’s pretty urgent, but I’m sure I’ll see you this weekend? We can all properly hang out then.”

“Yeah, of course.” Jungkook watches as Namjoon smiles once more and heads to the back room. He gathers the pile of books into his arms and awkwardly texts Yoongi once more.

KookieMonster [10:48] meet ur friend namjoon-hyung

yoongles [10:49] ah yes

yoongles [10:49] tall dark and clumsy

Jungkook nods. That’s accurate.

***

When the solid beeping of Jimin’s alarm wakes him for work, he ignores it. He continues to ignore it, until Taehyung barges in, angry as a swarm of bees, and turns it off for him. All is well - the annoying sound is gone, god bless - until he smacks a pillow into Jimin’s face. “Get up!”

Jimin groans. He’d barely slept throughout the night; his mind hadn’t let him rest nearly at all. Most definitely, he did not want to get up for work at eight in the morning.

When Taehyung leaves, Jimin forces himself up with much effort and through his morning routine. Coffee is mandatory today, so he brews a pot.

And drinks the whole thing. Taehyung looks at him like he’s a monster. “You didn’t put anything in that. Like at all.”

“I did not, no.”

“That’s bitter dirt water, Jimin.”

“It’s awake juice.”

Taehyung is quiet for a while after that, and Jimin knows exactly what he’s going to ask. “Are you still going to that support group meeting later?”

“Yeah, this afternoon after work, I’ll go. I promise.”

That satisfies Taehyung.

Jimin makes his way to the library in a daze, awake physically but about to collapse. This happens sometimes. A lot. It happens a lot. But it’s fine. A pot of bitter dirt water and he’s good to go.

But he feels like garbage. Pure shit. And the coffee doesn’t make that part go away.

Without a real acknowledgment to Namjoon, he begins processing the books that have arrived at the library and logging them into the system.

“Jimin-ah? Are you okay?” Namjoon asks him.

Jimin almost doesn’t want to answer, because no he’s not okay actually, but he doesn’t want to be rude to his hyung. “I’m alright. Just tired,” he answers with a fake smile. It probably looked as pained as he feels.

He spends a good deal of time organizing the books; it’s a mindless activity that takes little energy. But it takes too much effort to focus on being mindless, and his thoughts begin to race.

Jimin takes a deep breath. It’s shaky, just like his hands currently are. Eventually, he has to sit down, because he’s pretty sure this is the start of an anxiety attack.

When he thinks about trying to compose himself and go out front to deal with people, he’s absolutely sure it’s an anxiety attack by the way his heart pounds and stomach lurches at the thought.

Okay. Okay, he can deal with this. This is okay. It’s fine. Jimin starts to head to the front to address patrons. Strangers.

Strangers with words.

Oh God no.

His stomach heaves. Jimin rushes into the back room where Namjoon is and collapses in a chair. Namjoon scrambles to his feet. “What’s wrong, Jimin? Are you alright? Hey, hey, breathe, okay, breathe, my God Jimin, what the hell happened?”

“I…I don’t know, hyung,” he gasps out. He hears a ding from the front, and Namjoon yells out “one moment!” to whoever is waiting. Jimin’s throat tightens.

Namjoon grabs a bottle of water from the fridge and passes it to him, a hand grasping his shoulder tightly. “Stay here and keep redirecting your breathing. I’m gonna go deal with the guy out there, okay?”

Jimin nods, and Namjoon slips out of the back room. Surprisingly, Jimin is able to get the cap off the bottle, and he sips very slowly. The cool water feels nice, and after that, he breathes deep. It comes easier.

But his leg still bounces aggressively, and he still doesn’t know if he can go stand at the front desk right now. He doesn’t want to talk to people, and he realizes why.

Jimin doesn’t want to risk it. For all the time he’s spent feeling bitter and upset, it turns out he doesn’t want to hear his soulmate’s words for real.

And that thought numbs him to the core.

It’s okay, it’s going to be okay. It plays on repeat in his mind. It has to. It has to be okay. Jimin’s going to go to the support group later, and that’s the biggest step forward he can take right now.

It’s okay, because he’s trying.

Jimin wipes at his face, clearing tears he didn’t realize had fallen, and he stands. A bit shaky, but otherwise stable. One more deep breath. And another.

Namjoon walks back in then. He meets Jimin’s eyes with concern. “How do you feel?”

“I’m okay,” Jimin says, nodding. It has to be true. “I’ll be okay."

Chapter Text

The meeting takes place in the health sciences building, which has seen better days. Not many people interact with it anyway; the university offers other tag-along majors, but after all, it’s a performing arts university.

Jimin feels strange entering, his hands clenching the pamphlet tightly. With a nervous glance, he finds the right floor, and the right room, and he heads that way.

But his courage falters as he stands in front of the door. No matter how forceful he is, he can’t tell himself to open it, or even knock. Completely and utterly frozen, Jimin merely stands and stares.

I’m just as deserving as anyone else, he tells himself on a loop. It doesn’t quite help with the odd, ashamed feeling. Why would he be guilty, though? None of this is his fault. Everyone deserves love, and deserves to be mentally okay enough to get there comfortably. There’s no reason he should feel embarrassed or shameful.

For fuck’s sake, Jimin, grab the door handle.

Jimin’s hand reaches out, finally, to open the door.

And then the door flings itself open anyway.

Jimin lurches back with a curse to avoid being smacked, and a person nearly tackles him. A person with familiar wine-red hair.

“Hoseok-hyung?” Jimin asks in pure shock.

Hoseok’s eyes widen, and so does his smile. “Jimin-ah!” Jimin is scooped into an affectionate hug and he can’t help but giggle at Hoseok’s excited energy. “It’s nice to see you! I’ve actually been meaning to text you soon, but I knew I’d see you at the party this weekend.”

“How’d you know I’d be there?”

“Namjoon told me, duh.” Hoseok checks his watch. “Do you want to grab a drink soon? Oh! Or we could hit up the studio, I’ve been itching to go since I got back a few days ago. I have a meeting about to start, but afterwards I should be free?”

Jimin’s brain short circuits. He understands the words, and yet he’s confused. “Meeting?”

Both Jimin and Hoseok then look at the pamphlet in Jimin’s hand, crumpled slightly from his nerves. Jimin swallows hard.

“Wait,” Hoseok frowns, “are you here for the support group?”

Jimin feels that horrible shame come back, much, much stronger than before. The threat of tears peeks at the corner of his eyes – no goddamn it, no crying – and he stutters, “I…I-well…”

Hoseok’s eyes soften. “Jimin-ah, I run this support group.”

Out of all the things he’d been expecting today, or even not expecting, that’s probably the most astounding thing he could’ve imagined. In fact, he’s so shocked that he doesn’t respond.

Hoseok pulls the door open wide with a smile, one with no judgment at all, and says, “Go take a seat. I’ll be in in a second.”

So Jimin does, mutely. He still can’t wrap his mind around it. Someone as bright and energetic and happy as Jung Hoseok leads a support group for soulmate issues? What kind of double life is his hyung leading, and how did he not know.

Eleven people sit in a circle in the room. Jimin keeps his eyes on the ground as he takes an empty seat with no one around him. Even when he hears Hoseok enter the room and take a seat beside him, he can’t bring himself to look up and meet everyone’s eyes. He just can’t.

Hoseok clears his throat after a moment. “I’d like to start off by welcoming everyone who has returned from last year as well as newcomers! I’m happy to see you all.” He stands and spins his chair around so he’s sitting backwards, leaning forward. “Everyone is here because of a personal matter pertaining to their soulmate, right?” People nod as acknowledgement, and Jimin shrinks further in his seat. “I know it’s a bit off-putting to talk about soulmate concerns with random people sometimes, but the intention of this group is to have support. It’s a rough world out there, but none of us are alone. I’ll go first for you guys. My name is Jung Hoseok, I’m a third year dual major in dance and psychology, and I…” He trails off with a sigh. “I don’t have a soulmark.”

Jimin can’t help but look up then, at his friend. He never knew this about Hoseok, never at all would’ve guessed. Hoseok looks at him with a small side smile.

Everyone else goes around the room and introduces themselves, their major, and their soulmate experience. At each person that passes, Jimin feels more and more insecure about himself. The majority of the people there are similar to Hoseok; they don’t have soulmarks. Too many of them have soulmates who died very young, and very recently, as one new girl tearfully shared with them.

Two have the strange and extremely rare issue of having heard their soulmark words from people who have already been assigned soulmates.

And then it’s Jimin’s turn. He swallows hard. It takes him a second to gather a deep enough breath to speak, but with an encouraging look from Hoseok, it makes it easier. Makes him feel less alone. “Hi, um. I’m…my name is Park Jimin. I’m a second-year dance major. And, um. I, uh, I’m not sure how to explain, honestly.”

“Whatever you feel comfortable sharing is totally acceptable, Jimin-ah. It’s your first time, so you don’t even have to share if you don’t want to.”

Jimin finds himself shaking his head. He needs to do this. If he’s not uncomfortable in his progress, then he’s not making progress. These steps need to be made. “Well. I, um, I mean. I have a soulmark and everything. It’s just…” He doesn’t know where to go from here.

“Has your soulmate passed away, or have your words been said by someone who was already claimed?”

“I-” Jimin’s voice cracks. “I guess I don’t really know.”

Hoseok cocks his head to the side. “What do you mean by that?”

“It’s not that one person has said my words, it’s that everyone has.” Jimin has to take another breath. He just doesn’t understand why this has to be so hard to verbalize. Hoseok, at least, is his friend. He’s around people who struggle just as much as him, and he’s goddamn allowed to be hurt. But regardless, he feels ridiculous compared to these people, who have real issues. “Someone found out what my words are and spread them around my entire school. And all the time, I heard them from everyone. And now…they don’t mean anything to me.”

Silence follows. “I see,” Hoseok says quietly.

Jimin clenches his hands into fists, grasping at the material of his jacket. He’s terrified to look at anyone and see judgment. Or disgust. “I, I know it’s probably not what this support group is for-”

“Jimin,” Hoseok interrupts. “Jimin, look at me.” He does, with reluctance. “This group is to help people with any soulmate issue, whether it’s soulmark deficiency, soulmate death, soulmate misassignment, and yes, even soulmark abuse, which does happen. You’re not alone.”

“Someone did that to my friend BamBam, back in middle school,” a guy speaks up. Yugyeom is his name, if Jimin remembers. He’s one of the ones with soulmate misassignment. “Only a few people did it, and they got in a shit load of trouble, but it really did screw with his head a bit. I hated to see that for him, so I’m sorry that happened to you.”

Jimin’s throat tightens in gratitude. He smiles painfully at Yugyeom, who in turn smiles back.

“Thanks for sharing that, Yugs,” Hoseok says. He turns to Jimin. “It’s probably one of the worst types of injuries a person can inflict on another human being, taking advantage of what a soulmark means. It’s traumatic, and what you’re experiencing is completely valid, especially if it went on so long.”

Something inside of Jimin begins to feel warm, comforted by everything everyone was saying. “Thank you, hyung.”

Hoseok gives him a warm smile that Jimin is able to return. He continues to speak to everyone about what the semester has in store, and starts talking about coping methods, self-worth, and redirecting negative emotions like insecurity. Honestly, Jimin listens to every word.

For the first time in a while, something inside of him feels peaceful. Maybe not hopeful, per se, but peaceful.

Because maybe he isn’t actually alone. Maybe he wasn’t signaled out by the universe to be taunted and loveless. Maybe it just happens sometimes.

The meeting ends after about an hour, and Jimin stays behind with Hoseok as everyone files out. Yugyeom waves goodbye to him, and Jimin politely returns it.

“Do you want to go to the studio?” Hoseok asks him as they’re leaving. “I’m literally about to die if I don’t try out this new choreo that’s been bouncing around my head.”

Jimin finds that yes, he really wants to, actually. “I’m down.” So they make their way to the studio.

Not without addressing the elephant in the room, though. Hoseok is the first to speak. “I never knew you had soulmate problems.”

“Well, same to you,” Jimin offers with a chuckle.

“Yeah, it’s not something I flaunt. Mostly because I don’t need anyone defining me because of it. I am who I am with or without it, and I’m okay with it.”

“Are you, though?” Jimin asks without thinking.

“Some days better than others,” Hoseok laughs. “Sometimes I have low points just as much as anyone, but really, I love myself, and I love helping others, and that’s all I need.”

“But how? How did you get to that?”

“Help. Which is why I think it’s so important to have others. For a long time, I was at a really low point because of it. But I have supportive friends and family, and I eventually went to therapy for it. Now I’m better. Not perfect, just better.”

Jimin thinks. Maybe therapy could be a step in the right direction, too.

“Hey, Jimin-ah.” Hoseok stops in front of him, suddenly serious. More serious than Jimin typically has seen him. “If you need to talk about anything at all, either between two friends or somewhat professionally, I’m here for you. And the rest of us are, too. Taehyung, Namjoon, all of us are here for you. That’s the worst thing you can convince yourself, that you have to carry the burden of your feelings all by yourself.”

“Thank you, hyung. Really. I appreciate it.”

Hoseok clasps his hand on Jimin’s shoulder. “No problem. Now let’s go shred this choreography, please, I’m dying here.”

Jimin does, and he enjoys the effort it takes. That night when he gets home, Taehyung comments how smilely he looks, but Jimin is too tired to give much commentary. After a shower, he passes out within minutes of hitting his bed, and sleeps better that night.

Like Hoseok said, not perfect. Just better.

Chapter Text

It’s time, and everyone on campus is ready for it. Jimin, however, has been avoiding it all week.

His friends have not been, naturally.

It’s Friday night. Taehyung spends a while getting ready while Jimin avoids the idea, and ultimately his outfit planning is last minute. Still fucking fantastic, but last minute.

It’s not that he doesn’t want to go. Truthfully, some part of him is excited. He hasn’t been to a party in about a year and a half, since his first semester. He hasn’t been out with his friends like this in too long.

But of course, he’s nervous. Trembling hands, racing heart, the works. What a surprise.

“You ready?” Taehyung asks, peeping into Jimin’s doorway, applying some lip balm.

Jimin looks in the mirror and nods. Yeah, he’d say he’s ready. Perhaps it’s been a year and a half, but goddamn, if he didn’t look amazing. Taehyung steps back away from the door and heads to the kitchen.

I can do this. I want to do this. And it’s the truth. A little bit of alcohol, some music, his friends. He’s going to be safe, and there’s no reason he should feel anxious.

It’s just all the strangers…

“Jimin-ahhhhh! Hoseok-hyung is here, hurry up!” Taehyung calls from the front.

With a sigh, Jimin grabs his jacket from his bed and meets them. He can do this. He will do this.

“Hey, hyung,” Jimin says, as Hoseok gives him a one-over. Not quite sure if he’s being approved or scrutinized. “Do I look presentable?”

“I’ve only ever seen you look so stylish during our showcase last year,” Hoseok answers with a nod. “You look hot! The blonde really suits you.”

Jimin tries hard not to beam at the praise, but it’s nice to hear.

“Okay, okay, let’s go so we can meet the one and only Kim Seokjin, I’m literally shitting myself.” Taehyung reaches for the door and gestures for them to leave.

“Joon-ah said he’s already there waiting for us,” Hoseok adds. The three of them lock up and head downtown to the location on Taehyung’s phone. The evening air is pleasantly warm against Jimin’s skin. Warm enough that the leather pants might have been too much, but that’s fine.

“I can’t believe our clumsy Namjoonie went and landed himself a movie star,” Taehyung says.

Jimin snorts. “I can.” When Hoseok raises a brow at him, Jimin can’t help but bark out a laugh. “What? Have you seen the dimples? Instant kill.”

Hoseok cackles, much to Jimin’s amusement, but when he looks to see Taehyung’s reaction, he notices that his friend is staring at his feet as they walk.

“TaeTae?” Jimin reaches over Hoseok and claps a hand to his shoulder. “You look like you’re thinking too hard, what’s up?”

Taehyung looks up like he’s startled, as if he didn’t even notice getting lost in thought. “Ah, nothing. I just can’t wait for you to finally meet my soulmate, Chim. It’s an important moment, ya know?”

Hoseok sputters to a stop, eyes wide. “Wait, excuse me? Your what.”

Taehyung and Jimin share a glance. “I never told you? Oh my God, okay, I met my soulmate last weekend. Oh, he’s so adorable, hyung, his name is Min Yoongi-”

“His name is what?!” At this point, Hoseok is having a stroke, and Jimin is confused. “The Min Yoongi? Small, a bit blunt, has mint green hair and an attitude?”

Taehyung gawks. “Yeah. Yeah, that one.”

They stare at each other for about five seconds, and Jimin merely watches. The three of them have stopped on the sidewalk at this point. Then Hoseok frantically explodes. “That little shit never told me! Well, I mean I definitely haven’t talked to him steadily this week for some reason, but I’m gonna have words with that boy, I swear to God.”

“You know Yoongi-hyung?” Taehyung asks in shock. From what Jimin has gathered, Taehyung’s soulmate is a recluse and shies from people, which is why it surprised him that Taehyung of all people would be his match. But Yoongi is friends with Hoseok? Equally unlikely.

“Yeah! Me, him, and Namjoon-ah, we all used to goof around a bunch, write songs, perform them from time to time. Not as much anymore, since we’ve been busier than normal.”

There are hearts floating above Taehyung’s head at this point, and Jimin just grins. “That’s so cool, holy shit.”

“I wonder if he’ll bring his roommate. God knows that kid needs some socialization. He’s had it rough. Anyway, I think hyung’s house is at the end of that street over there.”

The three of them head in that direction, and for once, Jimin feels pretty light on his feet.

It’s nice, not feeling burdened by his own feelings.

***

“I don’t know why I agreed to this. I hate parties.”

Jungkook rolls his eyes as they stand near the back of the large living room. Yoongi’s look of absolute disdain hasn’t left his face since they got here, and Jungkook suspects that it’s because they’ve yet to see Yoongi’s soulmate. Jungkook is excited to meet the guy who’s made Yoongi smile more in a week than he has in a year. “Shut up, you go to every single party offered by your old house and by Jin-hyung. He’d be sad if you didn’t come.”

“Jin-hyung can kiss my ass.”

“But I get to meet your soulmate, so shush.”

Yoongi shakes his head, but there’s a grin. A tiny one, but a signal of happiness, nonetheless. “I’m gonna go work the playlist.” He starts to walk away but turns on his heel suddenly. “And kid, no drinks.”

Jungkook frowns. “I think I’ll be okay for one night. Just this one.”

Yoongi breathes deeply. “Not with the antidepressants, Jungkook. I don’t like that.”

He pouts at Yoongi, even though he knows it’s true. Probably not a good mix. “Hyungggg.”

“Nope.”

“Fine,” he huffs. “I’ll be the designated driver, or whatever.”

“Good,” Yoongi says. “Now wait here.”

***

Jimin’s first thought of the party is that it’s very loud. And there are a lot of people.

He tries to not let that deter him. Taehyung and Hoseok are already laughing, and Tae has his arm linked through Jimin’s, keeping him near his side. It doesn’t take them long to find Namjoon.

Standing beside Namjoon must be Kim Seokjin. Has to be. He’s only a bit shorter than Namjoon, with wide, wide shoulders and a small, friendly smile.

“Oh my God,” Taehyung breathes out. “It’s an honor.”

Namjoon laughs. “Guys, this is Jin, my soulmate.”

“Duh,” says Taehyung, sticking out his hand. “It’s nice to meet you! Good God, I feel like a fangirl. I’m not sure how to react right now.”

“Nice to meet you, Taehyung. And you’re Jimin?” Jin asks after shaking Taehyung’s hand firmly.

Jimin is startled to be addressed directly. “Oh, um, yeah that’s me.”

“I’ve heard a lot about you guys! Happy to finally meet you. Jung, I know who you are, don’t pout at me like that.”

Hoseok continues to pout, of course.

The four of them move to one of Jin’s side rooms, where it’s much quieter and has less people. Soon, there’s a drink in Jimin’s hand, and even quicker, it’s in his stomach.

Just like that, Jimin feels a little bit more at ease. He’s with friends. He’s not at a party full of strangers right now, he’s with friends.

And it’s. Nice. It’s really nice.

“Hey,” Taehyung says to them. “Anyone see Yoongi? I’m gonna text him!”

“Couldn’t you tell? The music changed to Epik High, he’s clearly where the sound’s at,” Jin answers, tossing back whatever was in his cup.

“He says he’ll be right over.” The excitement and fondness in Taehyung’s voice is a sweet sound to Jimin. He truly feels happy for Taehyung. He has a whole future ahead of him, to learn and love his soulmate.

It’s bittersweet. But Jimin is at ease with it in this moment, just for now.

In the end, Namjoon notices his arrival first. “Yoongi!”

All of them look over to see a smaller man walk over, hands jammed awkwardly in his pockets. He’s wearing mostly black, and his hair really is a light minty green color, much to Jimin’s surprise.

Overall, he’s both exactly what Jimin was expecting and not at all. Even based on pictures he's seen, he expected Min Yoongi to be...taller.

Taehyung jumps up and flings himself at Yoongi in a hug. Which Yoongi returns just as tightly.

Hoseok spits out his drink, landing on a disgusted Namjoon. “What the fuck. I’ve never seen Min Yoongi hug anyone in his life."

“Shut it, Seok-ah,” Yoongi grumbles in Hoseok’s direction, bashfully scratching at his head.

“Hyung, come meet my absolute favorite person in the world.” Taehyung drags Yoongi over to Jimin, who is once again startled to be addressed. “Min Yoongi, this is my best friend, Park Jimin. Park Jimin, my perfect, amazing soulmate, Min Yoongi.”

“Hi,” Jimin says awkwardly, with a small smile. Man, he really can’t speak to people, can he.

But. Yoongi doesn’t say anything to him. In fact, he seems to freeze completely.

Jimin wonders if he did something wrong. He feels his face flush all of a sudden, and he takes a step back under the power of Yoongi's shocked look.

He looks. Terrified. As if Jimin threatened to kidnap his first born and sacrifice it to the gods. Or maybe angry? Is he mad at Jimin somehow? It freaks Jimin out a lot.

“Hyung?” Taehyung grabs Yoongi’s arm. “Hyung, are you okay?”

Yoongi just shakes his head and stutters, “I-I’ll be back, I have to, have to find…I’m so sorry, Taehyung-ah, I’ll be back, I just have to find-”

“Yoongi-hyung! Did you find him yet, can I meet him?” a voice calls out from behind Jimin.

“Kook-ah, no, shit, wait!”

Jimin turns around to see what the commotion is about, what has Min Yoongi so worked up. His heart is racing.

And.

And…

The world he’s looking at tilts, as if everything around him decided to unbalance itself, and he realizes once Taehyung aggressively grabs his shoulders that it’s because he stumbled backwards. He feels cold. Paralyzed. Unnecessarily fearful.

No, no please, come on. Not him. Not any of them.

“J-Jimin?” Jeon Jungkook says, eyes wide and face pale.

Jimin feels nauseous. He understands now why Yoongi looked at him with such malice. He knows who Jimin is. He knows for sure, if he’s friends with Jungkook. Jeon Jungkook.

He’s going to puke, he knows it. Jimin takes a step back, away from Taehyung, who releases his hold, and Jungkook, Jeon fucking Jungkook, has the nerve to take a step closer at Jimin’s retreat.

And Jimin feels feral, absolutely psycho right now, and he doesn’t understand it. He just knows he can’t be around him, any of them. Not now. “Don’t get any fucking closer to me, I swear to God.”

Finally, his legs move. And so does he. He’s running, and running, out a door, the first he finds that takes him outside, past the house, and past other houses too, until he has to stop to throw up behind a tree.

He feels dizzy. It’s because of the alcohol too, as well as running so quickly, and then getting sick. But he feels so unexplainably tired in that second. It’s like he expelled all his emotions from his body as well as the contents of his stomach.

He expected the reaction to be powerful. He thought he was going to explode back there, that everything was going to come pouring out of him and tear him apart.

But not really. No. Jimin just feels like admitting defeat. He doesn’t have the energy to put into caring. It hurts, but it’s a dull pain.

So, he moves to a cleaner area and collapses against the tree, and just lets the cool, crisp air be the only thing he feels.

***

Jungkook is in shock. As in, he fears he may need medical attention, that kind of shock. He feels Yoongi’s hand firmly on his back, and despite hearing that Yoongi is speaking to him, the functions in his brain that require him to comprehend speech just aren’t fucking working.

The boy with Jimin, Yoongi’s soulmate, glares hard at him. Jungkook can see the battle in his eyes. The anger and confusion. “So you’re Jeon Jungkook.”

Jungkook hears that. His brain comprehends that hatred, for sure. The feeling of eyes on him makes his skin crawl. Yoongi’s friends are here, witnessing this, witnessing Jungkook’s mistake come back and punch him in the face.

Yoongi steps in front of him. “I’m sure there’s a misunderstanding, Tae.”

His face softens as he looks at Yoongi. Only at Yoongi, not him. “I’m gonna go find Jimin, I need to, it’s just…” His eyes dart back to Jungkook, angry again, and Jungkook feels small. Like scum. “I’m sorry this went so badly, I didn’t realize-”

“Yeah,” Yoongi cuts him off, quietly. Jungkook knows he’s conflicted too. Goddamn it. “I didn’t either.”

Yoongi’s soulmate runs off. Just as Jungkook’s did moments before.

Jungkook peaks at the people around them. Namjoon-hyung, from the bookstore, looks worried, brows furrowed. When he sees Jungkook staring at him, he offers a small smile, and honestly it makes Jungkook feel worse. Namjoon stands beside, ah, Kim Seokjin, of course Jungkook had to embarrass himself in front of the cool people. And Hoseok, who helps him with his dancing from time to time.

They all just witnessed Jimin look at him like a monster.

Oh no. Okay, Jungkook’s malfunctioning. His breathing hitches sharply, before he can even attempt to control it. Tears well at the corner of his eyes.

For the love of God, why, his brain says. He’s trying so, so hard to keep it together. And it’s not working.

“Is there a private place we can go, hyung?” Yoongi asks, grabbing at Jungkook’s arms and pulling him away.

“Upstairs, first door on the left is my bedroom,” Seokjin answers.

“Thank you.”

With Yoongi’s help he makes it up there, at least, before he loses his shit.

***

Taehyung doesn’t understand. He runs down the street calling Jimin’s name, thinking surely that he couldn’t have gone far, really. And all the while, his own mind is racing, because he just doesn’t understand.

How? How can someone as sweet as Yoongi be around someone like Jeon Jungkook, much less be best friends with him? Something in that formula doesn’t line up, something is wrong.

How? Taehyung is angry, and it’s such a strange anger. He doesn’t like it.

“Ah! Jimin?” he exclaims as he passes a tree that his friend is resting against. Jimin’s been crying, he can tell, and he looks like he definitely puked. But Taehyung can’t tell if he’s angry, or devastated, or scared. Maybe all three, and surely that’s scorching Jimin’s fragile nervous system right now. He doesn’t look up at Taehyung, so Taehyung kneels beside him, frantic. “Jimin, I am so sorry, I didn’t make the connection, I didn’t realize. I’m so, so sorry, I even dragged you to this party knowing you didn’t want to come, God, I’m just-”

“TaeTae, it wasn’t your fault. It’s mine, please, I’m the one who’s sorry, please go have a good time with your soulmate.”

The absurdity of the statement makes Taehyung pause for all of three seconds. “Are you kidding me? I can’t leave you alone like this, and I’m not going to. Soulmate or not, Yoongi can wait. I’m just. I don’t know, I’m surprised? And so pissed off. I think it’s best if all of us take a breather on this one.”

Jimin doesn’t speak, or even move to suggest that he agrees.

Taehyung is just so fucking lost. And one thought that just screams in his mind, is Yoongi friends with Seonjae? Because Taehyung doesn’t know if he can handle that, fate or not, destiny or not, he can’t love someone like that.

He can’t, not with the way Yoongi looked so horrified to see Jimin there.

But he wants to. He wants to love Yoongi.

This is just painful to deal with right now, and besides, it’s not about him. Jimin is the one who just had a long-standing wound ripped open again.

Taehyung grabs Jimin’s hand. He sees it; Jimin is barely holding on. And Taehyung’s heart aches for him. “It’s raining again. Let’s go home.”

Jimin cries then, freely. Taehyung remembers why. This same thing happened years ago, and it's happening again. It's like fate doesn't want Jimin to recover.

Later, once Taehyung has gotten a still surprisingly drunk Jimin home, made sure he showered, and properly fell asleep, he decides to text Yoongi back.

LilMeow<3 [23:54] hey

TaeTae<3 [01:23] hey hyung

LilMeow<3 [01:25] how’s jimin?

TaeTae<3 [01:26] not great :/

TaeTae<3 [01:26] at all actually

LilMeow<3 [01:27] yeah jungkook isn’t either, poor kid.

TaeTae<3 [01:27] pardon my disdain, but im not sympathetic

Taehyung waits a while after sending that before he gets a response from Yoongi. And he can’t help it, he really doesn’t understand. Jungkook hurt Jimin, badly. And he let Seonjae hurt Jimin worse, mentally and physically, for years. He doesn’t get a pass now just because he’s friends with Yoongi. He just doesn't.

And clearly Yoongi has to know, otherwise he wouldn’t have been so shocked to see Jimin. He wouldn't have tried so hard to make sure Jungkook didn't see him either. God, that pisses him off. If anyone is to blame, anyone at all, it sure as hell is not Jimin. Honestly, neither of them had the right to look as if Jimin had done wrong to them. As if his presence was haunting them.

LilMeow<3 [01:33] I don’t think it’s fair of you to judge him, taehyung

LilMeow<3 [01:33] you don’t know what happened

TaeTae<3 [01:34] I know how Jimin suffered/is still suffering and ya know idrc bout the rest :/

Once again, it takes Yoongi a while to respond. Taehyung is growing more and more upset by this conversation. He’s also tired, and still moderately tipsy, and everything just sucks.

LilMeow<3 [01:39] I understand that jungkook did a bad thing tae I understand that

LilMeow<3 [01:39] and i absolutely hate what happened to jimin

LilMeow<3 [01:40] but jungkook is not a bad person

TaeTae<3 [01:41] I don’t want to argue with you over this yoongi

TaeTae<3 [01:42] I think it’s something we can talk about tomorrow

TaeTae<3 [01:43] but its important to me. Jimin is important to me and he’s hurting so bad

TaeTae<3 [01:43] that’s hard to sit back and watch

LilMeow<3 [01:45] I think we both have different perspectives of the same situation

LilMeow<3 [01:45] jungkook is also important to me, and hes been through so much

LilMeow<3 [01:46] he’s been in my life since we were young, he’s like my brother, like family

LilMeow<3 [01:46] I know who he is, what type of person he is, and it’s good

LilMeow<3 [01:47] I will never not stand with him, he’s my best friend

LilMeow<3 [01:47] so wtr happens with those two, that absolutely will not change just bc ur my soulmate

LilMeow<3 [01:48] is that clear

Taehyung is a bit taken aback. Maybe he really is just missing some part of this story, for Yoongi to so aggressively be defending what Jungkook did. Either way, Jimin is a priority to him. That's that.

TaeTae<3 [01:50] its clear, and same for me w/ jimin

LilMeow<3 [01:51] good

LilMeow<3 [01:51] gn taehyung

TaeTae<3 [01:51] gn yoongi

Taehyung turns his screen off, feeling something really ugly and heavy weigh on his chest. This isn’t supposed to happen. He’s not supposed to fight with his soulmate immediately; they’re supposed to work on things. They're supposed to grow and develop. This isn't the start he wants.

TaeTae<3 [01:53] hey yoongi?

LilMeow<3 [01:54] hey taehyung

TaeTae<3 [01:55] I like that u defend what matters to u

TaeTae<3 [01:55] I promise I wont let it get to a point where u’d ever have to choose

TaeTae<3 [01:55] I want to be able to be in ur life with the people u care about

LilMeow<3 [01:56] same to you

LilMeow<3 [01:56] I like you sm tae

TaeTae<3 [01:57] I like u too yoongi :)

***

Dealing with Jungkook when he starts convincing himself that nothing in the universe can love him is perhaps that hardest thing Yoongi has ever done in his life.

Luckily, he’s been doing it the entirety of his life. So. It’s fine.

Honestly, Yoongi does not understand how the universe has put them in this situation again. But also, is it really surprising? The universe is a weird motherfucker, and he’s sure it wants Jungkook to be with his angsty soulmate just as much as he does.

Jungkook sobs violently on the rug by Jin’s bed. The ridiculousness of the situation doesn’t pass unnoticed, but it would be rude of Yoongi to laugh. “Kid, you’re literally having a meltdown in a celebrity’s bedroom, for Christ’s sake.”

Jungkook doesn’t care. “How, how are we at the same university, Yoongi, what the fuck.”

He sits on the floor beside Jungkook’s head, moving it to his lap. And he shrugs. “Fate is fate, Jungkook.” Also statistically speaking there are more people from their high school here than Yoongi cares to think about.

“No, it’s fucking not, he still hates me, oh my God, he despises me.”

“Jungkook.”

“I’m gonna die alone and the universe threw it back in my face again. As if I didn’t know.”

“Jungkook, goddamn it.”

The kid just sobs some more onto Yoongi’s jeans. He really wishes he knew what to say this time, but he’s just as confused and startled. It just seems so weird to him that Yoongi’s soulmate is best friends with Jungkook’s soulmate.

Is that really how the universe is matchmaking? Are Yoongi and Taehyung together just to get Jungkook and Jimin together? Probably not, but for fuck’s sake, they really weren’t creative with the four of them, were they.

“I’m destined to have my soulmate despise me, hyung,” Jungkook whimpers out. It’s such a sad sound, and yeah, it really tears at Yoongi to hear him think that way about himself, especially since Yoongi so vehemently cares about his dumb fucking ass. “You saw it, it’s just not possible, I’m unlovable, and not even the person made for me can love me.” He says it so softly, like nothing Yoongi or anyone else on this planet says could change it. “Not even the people who made me can love me.”

Yoongi winces. When Jungkook starts down that path, it’s hard to pull him back. He hasn’t seen him break down this aggressively since the night his parents threw him out. Yoongi ruffles his hair. “Come on, kid, you know deep down that it isn’t true. I’m here, and I love you, quite a lot.”

“You’re the only one,” he says.

Yoongi’s heart breaks. He never knows how to convince this kid that he’s an amazing person who deserves the world. Of course, if there’s one thing Jungkook’s good at, it’s not listening to Yoongi worth a damn, so.

He needs to get Jungkook home and to bed. And then he needs to talk to Taehyung. This is not at all a great way to start off the school year, fucking hell.

Yoongi tries to push Jungkook up into a sitting position, and he flops back against Jin’s bed. When he tries to get Jungkook to stand, he merely slides back to the floor. “Jungkook-ah, what the fuck.”

He continues to cry. And not stand up. Yoongi blinks at him.

“We should head home, Kook-ah. Get up.”

Okay. That does nothing. Yoongi grabs him under the arms and tries to lift him up, but goddamn, Jungkook is a gym rat and has inches on Yoongi, and it’s just not happening. “For fuck’s fucking sake, kid, stand up and act like an adult, dammit, you whole ass brat. I didn’t raise you this way, get on your feet, fucking hell, they don’t pay me enough for this, get up, Jungkook, I can’t lift your tall ass.”

The end result is disastrous. Jungkook falls back to the floor, and he cries some more. “I don’t wanna, ‘m sorry, hyung, I’m sorry I did this to you, that I have to burden you so much, and I messed up getting to meet your soulmate, and I messed up you getting to meet my soulmate and I’m so sorry.”

Yoongi pauses. “You’re drunk.”

Jungkook nods.

“I said not to-” Yoongi sighs very deeply. He’s exasperated. “Whatever. We’re going home, you sad sack of sadness, let’s go.”

Later that night, Yoongi texts Taehyung. And he swears that he’s never been so confused in his life. Maybe he could convince Jungkook to just tell someone the truth for once. Not that Jungkook is a liar, but he needs to work through this ill-fated belief that he’ll never convince Jimin to forgive him.

Yoongi can’t begin to understand Jungkook’s rationale, but he knows it’s something he needs to process first. No one can force him to tell Jimin, and ultimately no one can force Jimin to forgive Jungkook. Yoongi doesn’t think either of them are ready for that.

And he doesn't know Jimin at all, but he can grasp that the kid is really dealing with some serious trauma from all of this. Trauma that, yeah, Jungkook unfortunately contributed to. He feels bad for both of them.

Yoongi can’t sleep well that night. He’s angry. Because Jungkook’s family started this. Seonjae started this. They planted that thought in his head, and somehow through Seonjae’s fucking actions, it reflected into Jungkook’s soulmate, enough that neither of them can heal.

The universe just isn’t fucking fair to them. And it pisses Yoongi off.

Chapter Text

Classes start with no mercy for anyone. It’s very unpleasant, especially for Taehyung, Jimin realizes, as his friend bustles around their apartment in a frenzy with his camera.

“They want me photographing everything, Jimin, oh my God,” Taehyung whines. “And my business elective has an exam soon. It’s the fourth day, for fuck’s sake.”

Jimin’s classes aren’t nearly as bad. Brutal, but not like Taehyung’s.

He spends a good deal of his mornings in the library at work with Namjoon. Naturally, the flow of students through the library has picked up, and Jimin interacts with more and more people on the daily. It keeps his anxiety right on the edge, of course.

And Jimin is still struggling with the knowledge that someone from their high school is on campus with them. Not just someone, but someone who he definitely doesn’t have fond memories of.

Not that he has fond memories of anyone but Taehyung from high school, but whatever.

When Jimin gets off work, he heads to his first Thursday morning class, just a basic second-year choreography lab. He definitely needs to rack up more studio hours and spend more time in the gym considering how lazy he’s been this summer.

But he’s glad to be back and glad to be dancing. If he has a happy place, or at least a happy mindset, it’s when he dances. Because then nothing matters except the way he moves. And even if he does feel like shit, then dancing takes that negative energy and turns it into something better. 

He enters the studio and finds his instructor at the front, flipping through papers on a clipboard. Everyone is warming up with stretches, but he notices that quite a few new faces are here today. Must be the new freshman who they get to mentor. Jimin smiles as he remembers being paired with Hoseok last year. Couldn’t ask for a better mentor than his hyung.

But that fond memory and smile are slapped clean from Jimin’s face as he catches a face in the crowd of freshman. He stops in his tracks.

You’ve got to actually be fucking with me.

Of course. Because why not.

It’s fine. It’s fine, the kid can make his own choices. If he happens to be in the same major as Jimin, then whatever. It means nothing.

Except that it’s so fucking annoying to have anything in common with him, what the fuck do you mean it’s nothing.

Jimin tells himself to shove it.

He finds Hoseok instead and goes to warm-up with him, forcing the thought of Jeon Jungkook from his mind. Hoseok’s probably the only upper classman in this section of choreo lab, because Professor Choi likes to keep him around. Jimin can easily say he's one of the best dance students on campus. “Hey, hyung.”

“You excited to be a Big now for some innocent little dancer baby?” Hoseok says to him as he stretches his legs.

Jimin snorts as he lowers himself to the floor. “Yeah, because I’m totally competent around people. I can probably teach someone how to chicken dance, that’s it.”

“That’s just a fat lie, now,” Hoseok laughs at him.

Together they listen to Professor Choi as she announces the plan for mentorship this semester, and Jimin tries his best not to look Jungkook’s way. But every time he does, he notices the bitch giving him a look too, and that just pisses him off. It makes him squirm, feeling like he's being watched like that.

Hoseok notices, too. Jimin knows Hoseok can see who he's looking at, and he has to know Jimin's uncomfortable, based on how he reacted to Jungkook's presence at the party. “Are you okay? You look...constipated.”

Jimin nudges his arm playfully. “Shut up, I’m just nervous.”

He doesn’t like lying, but he also doesn’t want to admit that Jungkook being in this class is making him want to scream. Hoseok has yet to ask Jimin anything about what happened with Jungkook. He's likely decided that if he needs to know then Jimin will tell him, and honestly Jimin loves him for that. Because he's not quite ready to confront that demon just yet.

This isn’t what he needs to focus on right now, goddamn it.

Professor Choi introduces Hoseok to everyone in the class, much to his shock, and now everyone knows that if they need extra help, go to him. His face turns as red as his hair to be doted on in such a manner, and Jimin laughs at him for it.

But then she moves on to announce the pairings for this semester. Jimin holds his breath as he waits for his name to be called, which seems like it’s going to take forever. He knows that he'll have to mentor someone, but he also knows there's a choreography piece to be worked on with that person.

He tries every possible way to avoid thinking about two things: one, that Jungkook will be his partner, and two, that this new stranger could be the one.

You know. His soulmate. The one who truly says the words.

Needless to say, Jimin’s hands are trembling.

“Park Jimin,” Professor Choi says, and Jimin’s stomach flips. Calm down, you're fine, you're fine, you're - “Work with Jeon Jungkook.”

You're not fine, you're not fine, shit.

She moves onto the next person as if she didn’t just hand Jimin a death sentence.

“Fuck me,” Jimin breathes out.

Hoseok gives him a very concerned look, because Jimin's sure he really looks constipated now. He isn’t even sure he can respond to it without rage-crying.

He's cursed. He’s sure of it. He has no idea what he did in his past life, but it must’ve been bad.

Jimin refuses to look at Jungkook. If he doesn't look at him, he's not there. It's fine.

It is painstakingly long before class ends, and when it does, Jimin waits until the class files out, Jungkook included, before going up to Professor Choi, where he pleads for his life.

“Professor, if you don’t mind, I’d like to request a partner change-”

“Decisions are final, Park,” she says without looking at him.

Jimin grits his teeth. “Please, I just think-”

“No means no.”

“Professor, please-”

She whirls around to face him. She may be small, but Jimin fears this woman. She’s the same person who’s bent and shaped him into the dancer he currently is. “Sometimes people don’t get to work with people they like, or they have to work with people they don’t like. That’s how it is in this world, Jimin, and if you’re going to let that affect your professionalism, you aren’t going to make it. Especially not in this industry. I’ve seen Jungkook’s preferred style, and I think he will learn well from you, and you from him. That’s my final say. If you don’t like it, leave my class.”

Professor Choi gathers her bag and leave Jimin standing there, staring at himself in the large mirror wall.

Well. He’s fucked.

***

If there’s one thing Taehyung enjoys about spending time with Yoongi (among many many many other things), it’s that Yoongi is very photogenic. Especially when he takes candid shots.

By the second week of classes, they’re starting to fall into a routine on Tuesdays and Thursdays where they take lunch outside under the biggest tree on campus in between classes. Taehyung enjoys them greatly, especially since Yoongi’s often busy with work and whatever it is seniors do.

Today there’s a slight breeze blowing around Yoongi’s hair as he leans back on his elbows. He’s just so pretty, Taehyung thinks to himself, snapping a shot on his camera. Which unfortunately makes a shutter-click, which unfortunately causes Yoongi to pout at him.

But fortunately, that’s very cute, and he snaps another picture without even trying for subtly.

“Why are you like this,” Yoongi grumbles.

“You love it,” Taehyung teases, tearing open a bag of chips with his teeth.

Yoongi smiles tiny. Adorable. “So maybe I do.”

“Hey, do you want to do something special this weekend?”

Yoongi sits up and steals his chip bag, which Taehyung doesn’t argue about. “What’s the occasion?”

Taehyung fakes offense and snatches the bag back. “Why, it makes one month since we met, you jerk.”

Something softens in Yoongi’s gaze. It’s gross. It’s so gross and cute. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

Taehyung smiles wide at him. “What do you want to do? I didn’t know if you wanted something private, or if you wanted to have a get together at my place with all of our friends, whatever you’re comfortable with.”

“What about both?”

Taehyung is confused. “Both private and with our friends?”

“Not at once, but we can have the morning alone, and the evening with our friends?”

“That sounds good,” Taehyung agrees. “So this weekend, we be cute and cuddly and have some alone time in the morning, and then I can ask Namjoon-hyung to come. Maybe he’ll bring Jin-hyung. I hope he does, I didn’t get to talk to him much, but he sends me funny memes from time to time. And you can ask Hoseokie-hyung!”

Yoongi goes quiet in that moment, so Taehyung patiently waits for him to speak. “What about Jungkook?”

Ah. Yeah. He wondered when that would come up. Regardless, he still bristles at the name. He and Yoongi haven’t really discussed this issue like they intended. Mostly it’s a sleeping bear neither of them want to brave poking. “I’m not sure that’s the best idea.”

Yoongi stretches his legs out in front of him and leans back on his arms again, with a shake of his minty head. “I’m not going to start excluding Jungkook from things that involve both of our friends.”

“Well, I can’t just not invite Jimin. He lives there. And they’re also Jimin’s friends.”

"Here's an idea; we invite them both."

Taehyung realizes the unfairness of the situation, he really does. But still. "Jimin won't like that." 

“I know he and Jimin have a past, but I can’t prioritize you all the time.”

And that Taehyung understands too. It’s the same way he feels with Jimin.

Wow. What a shit show they’re involved in.

Either way, the idea still angers Taehyung when he thinks about how broken inside Jimin looked after he saw Jungkook. How much self-loathing was in his eyes. He can’t shake that. “I’ve told you before, Jungkook really hurt him, and I don’t know how I can accept someone who does that to anyone, much less my best friend. And I’m sorry.”

Yoongi says nothing. Taehyung suddenly doesn’t feel like finishing his lunch. It seems like he and Yoongi argue way too often for a blooming love story between two new soulmates, and it doesn’t sit right with him.

This whole situation just sucks.

Yoongi suddenly rises to his feet and reaches out a hand. It startles Taehyung, but he accepts the hand regardless, and Yoongi yanks him up.

“Pack up and come with me,” Yoongi says, and Taehyung barely has time to clean up their mess before Yoongi storms ahead without him.

“Wait, hyung!” Taehyung scrambles to catch up. Despite Yoongi’s much smaller size, he’s plowing ahead and Taehyung is struggling.

They walk for maybe five minutes in silence, Taehyung following behind Yoongi wordlessly out of fear of what the fuck is happening and fear that he angered Yoongi. He keeps hold of Yoongi’s hand, and he’s all but being dragged.

They stop at an apartment complex, one that Taehyung assumes Yoongi lives in, and Taehyung laughs nervously. “Wow, Yoongi, it’s only been a month, don’t you think this is a bit sudden.”

Yoongi doesn’t respond to that, but Taehyung marvels in how red his cheeks turn. He leads Taehyung into his apartment, where he slams the door behind him and promptly shrieks, “Jungkook-ah!”

Before Taehyung can even process what’s happening, a very startled and very wide-eyed Jeon Jungkook comes running out of his room, stumbling into the kitchen, and yells back, “What the fuck, Yoongi?”

And then he locks eyes with Taehyung. The color drains dramatically from his face as if he’s seen a ghost.

Taehyung immediately feels annoyed as he turns to his soulmate, defensive. “Not to be a bitch, but why am I here to see him?”

“Because he’s a stupid fuck and owes at least someone an explanation.”

Jungkook looks at Yoongi, even more startled and definitely horrified. “Hyung, I’m-”

“No,” Yoongi cuts him off sharply. “Nope. Listen here, kid. You keep telling me it’s hard to deal with Jimin being in your class as your partner. I’m taking that as a universal sign that you need to get your shit together and redeem yourself. Tell Taehyung what happened in high school.”

Jungkook shakes his head, mouth opening and closing as he struggles to speak. “I,I, hyung, I can’t, I’m just, he’s not-”

“Please, Kook-ah, for me. I don’t want to keep secrets from him. Please,” Yoongi begs, his voice way too close to upset for Taehyung’s liking.

And apparently for Jungkook’s too. He looks at Taehyung.

But Taehyung finds himself shaking his head, backing towards the door. “I’m sorry, Yoongi, but I don’t need to hear why he thought it was okay to act like a piece of garbage to my best friend.”

Jungkook’s mouth snaps shut, but Yoongi latches onto his arm. His eyes are desperate, and Taehyung feels so bad to have put him in this position.

He just doesn’t understand. He doesn’t understand Jungkook, or what justification he can offer. But Yoongi is his soulmate, and Taehyung might be two steps from tripping and falling in love with him already, and he does not want that to be fucked up.

Maybe he should listen to what he has to say.

Maybe.

Yoongi’s grip tightens. “Tae, please hear him out. You don’t know.”

Maybe he should, he keeps telling himself.

And yet, it’s like he’s speaking and feeling and thinking on autopilot, and there’s that one thing he can’t keep from burning in his mind. “He hurt Jimin. The rest doesn’t matter to me.”

“Tae-”

“No, hyung,” Jungkook says, his voice flat and empty. “He has a point. Why should he have to hear me make excuses for what I did? It wasn’t right.”

Taehyung barks out a laugh. “Yeah, it wasn’t right. It was so not right, you have no idea the impact you and Seonjae and your dumb friends had on him! You don’t know what he has to fucking think of himself because of you guys! I do, and I hate it for him, and I hate you for causing it!”

Taehyung didn’t mean to yell. He despises yelling. But this is too much for him. He never understood how people can be cruel, and it’s not something he was ever raised to tolerate.

But he also hates being mean, and he sees very clearly how much his words tear into Jungkook. And regardless of everything, that makes him feel horrible.

Jungkook stares at the ground. “Seonjae’s not my friend. He was never my friend.”

“And how does that make it better, huh?” Taehyung is quiet now. He’s still angry, but he won’t have another outburst like that. It exhausted him, honestly. This whole entire thing is exhausting. “How does that dismiss that you’re no better than him? I’m sorry, Jimin is my best friend, and the best, sweetest, most caring person I know, and you think that any justification can clear your slate? You think anything you can say will make the worthlessness you make him feel go away? You think an apology can take away all of the self-loathing and fear of never being happy away? Is that what you fucking think, Jungkook? Because it won’t. And for the record, I’m the last person who you should be trying to justify yourself to, and even then, I don’t think you deserve Jimin’s forgiveness.”

He figures Jungkook will retaliate and argue. Lash out, even. But no. It’s Yoongi who gets in his face and snaps, “Taehyung!”

He stands his ground and glares, as much as it hurts him. Because it does. It really does, to look at Yoongi as anything similar to Jungkook, and similar to Seonjae. It hurts, and he just wants to go. “I said what I said. I’m leaving now.”

Yoongi sees the crack splitting between them already, and Taehyung can tell he too turns desperate. “No, wait, please-”

Taehyung shakes his head and opens the door. He feels like he might cry, but he’s unsure. “I’m going to be late for class.”

Yoongi’s voice breaks, “Taehyung, please-”

“Jimin is my soulmate.”

Taehyung stops halfway out the door at Jungkook’s words. He has to take a second, because he’s almost certain that the meaning of that sentence and who it came from can’t possibly make sense. He looks back at Jungkook. “Excuse me?”

Jungkook holds his gaze. “I said what I said.”

It’s unfathomable, and yet. Some things are starting to click in his brain. Just not at a quick enough speed. “No. No, you wouldn’t have acted the way you did if he was. Who in their right fucking mind would do that to someone they were supposed to love?”

“Someone who feared Seonjae would tell his family that his soulmate was a man. Someone who was so afraid of being disowned by the people who are supposed to love and care for him that he went along with everything Seonjae ever wanted, just to avoid that consequence,” Jungkook says without expression.

This haunting, emotionless voice of his was really starting to freak Taehyung out. He merely stares at Jungkook, shaking his head. “I-you, no, you’re lying, you can’t be-”

“Jimin said my words back to me that day I said his. I never knew what his were to begin with, I never paid attention to Seonjae if I could help it. He just picked the worst time to show up, right after I said them.”

Taehyung just keeps shaking his head. It’s all he can do, because this doesn't make sense. And yet it does, somehow. “But…but-”

“There’s no excuse, and I’m not trying to make one. But Jimin wasn’t the only one bullied by Seonjae. He’s my cousin, and he had so much hold over me, and I let him. I let him, and it only ever cost me everything, okay, everything. I lost my soulmate, and if it makes you feel any goddamn better, I lost my family, because giving up Jimin didn’t save me, it didn’t fucking save me, Taehyung.” Jungkook is yelling now, and Taehyung doesn’t know how to react. “Nothing I did was good enough to stop him from telling my parents, and now I live with Yoongi, he’s my family. Do you understand? I fucked up, but it has never been on Yoongi, he’s only ever taken care of me and my bullshit, so never, ever take it out on him, do you fucking understand? You don’t get to hurt or disrespect him because of my mistakes.”

Needless to say, everyone is quiet after that. Yoongi is staring at Jungkook in pure shock, like he didn’t expect Jungkook to go off the rails on his behalf. Taehyung is now the one who feels guilty. All he can stutter out is, “You – but you let Seonjae hurt him, you let-”

“I know what I did, Taehyung, trust me. It eats at me every fucking day. And I did it because I was scared, so scared of what he would do. Please.” Jungkook’s plead comes out as a broken whisper, desperate. “Please understand that I would never do that because I wanted to. I don’t want to hurt Jimin; I want him in my life. I just want to fix this, and I don’t know how.”

Truthfully, Taehyung has never felt emotions this conflicting in his life. And he can’t quite process them. He feels suddenly horrible, so, so horrible. There’s a sinking feeling in his stomach as he realizes that the blame really falls on Seonjae and the universe. But just the fact that fate chose this path for both of them, chose to make this the scenario that surrounds their words, chose to throw them at each other again in university, makes his heart ache. Jimin doesn’t deserve this.

Jungkook doesn’t deserve this.

“I…I didn’t know, I don’t understand. I-I’m so sorry, it’s just-”

“Stop,” Jungkook says. He looks tired, like that took every last ounce of energy he ever possibly had. Yoongi merely stands by the kitchen sink, arms crossed and eyes pinned to the floor. “Don’t apologize. I wasn’t looking for your pity.”

“Why don’t you tell Jimin? Or I can do it, if-”

“No!” Jungkook half shouts at him. He jumps. “No, please. Please don’t. Not yet.”

And just like that, Taehyung’s confusion is back. “I don’t understand.”

Jungkook sighs and runs both hands through his hair. He starts to walk towards the couch like he’s not going to answer, but then he spins back around with another sharp breath and says, “I just can’t do that, I’m sorry. I can’t walk up to him and tell him that, and you know it. He hates me, a lot. And even if I could get him to believe me, I can’t go and force him to like me just because the universe said so, I just can’t, Taehyung.”

Some part of Taehyung does understand that. He does know that’s true. Jimin, mentally, can barely tolerate the sight of Jungkook, but he knows it’s not necessarily out of hatred. Jimin can claim he may hate Jungkook, but it’s not in Jimin to hate people.

But he’s not even sure Jimin would accept the soulmate claim. Like Jungkook said, if it was true, all it would do is hurt him more, because he would wonder why it had to be this way. He would hate that Jungkook is his soulmate.

There’s not a scenario from this situation that plays out nice and clean, and they all know it. “You’re asking me to keep this from Jimin?”

Jungkook looks highly distressed by that. He looks to Yoongi for guidance, but Yoongi shrugs. “I…please? I know that’s way too much to ask, but you have to understand why I can’t.”

“I do understand.”

"I just. I don’t want him to like me because he thinks he has to, if he even does that. I want a real chance, I want to make him like me me, not as his soulmate, but as Jeon Jungkook.”

And that’s something Taehyung feels like he can support. He would want that, too, he thinks. Even if it means keeping it from Jimin for now. Because it's not his secret to tell, it's not his burden to give up.

Ah, shit. He really forgives Jungkook right now, doesn’t he. He sighs. “So you want to be Jimin’s friend.”

Jungkook looks at him helplessly, his eyes big and doe-like. “Yes, somehow.”

With a quick peak at his watch, Taehyung realizes he actually is going to be late for his class if he doesn’t get moving. “I need to leave, but. I know he’s your mentor in class, he told me.”

Jungkook nods.

Taehyung walks over to Yoongi, who looks at him with wide eyes, and maybe Taehyung’s in love with him a little bit, so he kisses him right on his stupid lips for the first time, and says, “I don’t want to fight anymore.”

As he’s leaving their shared apartment and two dumbstruck faces behind, Taehyung points at Jungkook and says, “Jimin drinks his coffee black. Do with that information what you must.”

Chapter Text

Jungkook tries his best to not be upset. He really does. But after Taehyung leaves their apartment, he turns to Yoongi and he knows he can’t hide his betrayal. “What was that, huh? What the fuck was that?”

Yoongi looks like someone punched him in the gut. Maybe on the verge of tears, Jungkook can’t entirely tell, but whatever the matter, he looks completely distraught. “I’m sorry, Kook-ah.”

“Hyung-”

“No,” Yoongi interrupts. “I shouldn’t have forced you to do that, I know. I shouldn’t’ve. I was just…”

“You were what, Yoongi? What? Annoyed with me? Tired of my bullshit? I told you I wanted to deal with this my way.” Jungkook isn’t yelling. No, he’d never yell at his hyung. But there’s an edge to his tone that he can’t, and doesn’t try to, hide.

Yoongi’s face is blank as he looks at Jungkook. Jungkook doesn’t like it. Not that Yoongi's an open book, but he's not as hard to read to Jungkook. Right now, not so much. “Scared of losing Taehyung.”

The anger snaps back at Jungkook like a broken rubber band, stinging right in the center of his chest. And the guilt that overwhelms him just then is enough to make him need a seat. Jungkook slumps down the wall with his hands covering his face, palms pressed against his eyes until it burns.

Scared of losing your soulmate just like I did.

He’s so selfish. Of course Yoongi’s worried about his relationship, and Jungkook is being goddamn selfish. Everything he does is just constantly causing Yoongi more problems, causing everyone problems. He has no damn right to feel upset or angry at him.

Jungkook keeps ruining things for the people around him, the people he cares about, and for what? It’s not like Jimin will ever like him, or love him, or want him in anyway. He’s not meant for a soulmate, and he’s supposed to be okay with that, not taking it out on everyone around him. Why can’t he just accept what he’s done?

Honestly, he’d be better off just fucking gone from everyone’s life.

“Jungkook-ah,” Yoongi says, crouching in front of him. “I really am sorry. It wasn’t right of me to force you into that. I should’ve at least asked first, or tried something else, and I don’t want to make excuses, but I was afraid. I didn’t-”

“Stop.”

Yoongi’s mouth snaps shut.

Jungkook releases a sigh, which doesn’t ease the pressure against his ribcage. “I don’t want you to apologize, hyung. I’m not upset at you. I should be the one apologizing, because I don’t want this to come between you and your soulmate. I’m glad I could fix at least one thing by telling him.”

Yoongi waits a while before speaking, as he normally does, forming his thoughts in a way he probably thinks Jungkook can handle. “We can call this a step forward, eh?”

He merely nods, the thought of responding making him sick. Fucking selfish, answer him. “Yeah, hyung. One step forward.”

Yoongi’s gaze is hard on him, and Jungkook refuses to meet it. Because he guarantees Yoongi knows what’s rolling through his head, Jungkook is an open book, and he doesn’t want to hear anything right now. Something doesn’t quite feel stable enough to talk about this anymore, and he worries about the aftermath if the thoughts in his mind and the pressure in his chest are released. He doesn’t want to open that up. Not now, not ever.

Really. Why can’t he just move on and stop dragging everyone else down?

“I have to go to class soon too. I’ll be back after work later.” Yoongi holds out a hand and pulls Jungkook up. He feels weak and honestly just wants to nap. “You okay? Are we okay?”

Jungkook manages a nod. “Yeah. Yeah, we’re okay. I’m okay.”

That satisfies Yoongi enough, it seems, because soon Jungkook is alone. And when he’s alone, he realizes something very, very terrifying.

He is not okay.

***

Jimin continues to go to support group meetings with Hoseok, almost every Tuesday and Thursday morning after work. He knows it’s not the proper therapy he needs, but it’s the comfort that matters. It’s the idea that his feelings are valid, and he doesn’t have to feel guilty for it. He’s learning a bit about self-worth, and maybe learning how to feel anything other than hatred for himself.

It feels pretty damn nice, actually.

He and Hoseok sit at a booth after arriving at the coffee shop. They have class after this, and it’s already starting to be an unspoken habit to drop by here for a bit beforehand.

Jimin stirs his drink wordlessly as his mind spaces out. He’s thinking about homework, class, all kinds of things, when Hoseok says his name. His eyes snap to attention.

“You’re being quiet, considering the story you shared in the meeting,” Hoseok says without much preamble, to the point where Jimin is still startled, despite expecting this very thing.

Jimin sighs. He mentioned that he ran into one of the people who bullied him in high school and it had him shaken up. Everyone in the group, of course, was supportive and sympathetic, but he’s sure Hoseok wants to talk about what happened at the party, and he’s been patient thus far. Jimin isn’t quite sure if he wants to let that out yet, at least not in full detail. “I don’t know, I just don’t feel like I have a lot to say right now.”

Hoseok stares at him.

Jimin stares back, fidgeting awkwardly. A solid fifteen seconds goes by before Jimin just sighs. “Alright, fine. Ask me.”

“Ask you what?”

“Ask me about Jungkook. I know you want to.”

Hoseok takes a moment before speaking. Jimin assumes he’s trying to form the right words to begin this conversation. Jimin doesn’t think there are correct words for this. All of them are going to make him feel ill. “It was Jungkook, right? That was involved in the soulmark abuse?”

Jimin flinches. “Please don’t call it that.”

“So you’re defending him?”

“What? No, no, I’m not defending him, what the fuck.”

“So he did do it?”

“Hyung.”

Hoseok chuckles at him. “I’m messing around, Jimin. But if you feel comfortable with it, you can tell me what happened, and I can offer you an outsider perspective?”

It’s not that Jimin doesn’t trust him. Not at all. Because he does trust Hoseok, and he feels safe enough telling him. But something about the fact that Hoseok knows, and is in fact friends with, Jungkook, makes him incredibly nervous. It’s probably not fair of him to jump to such an extreme and probably untrue conclusion, but he can’t help the fear from forming. Anyone associated with Jungkook is trouble in his mind. He stirs his drink more and turns to peer out the window. Anywhere instead of looking at his friend.

Jimin's afraid, and yet. Steps need to be made if he wants to get over this. He knows that. “Jungkook’s cousin was the biggest pain in my ass nearly all of high school. He was the one who started all of this and he was the one who let the fire spread, because I made the dumb mistake of trusting that I could change my clothes in the locker room without being harassed.” He laughs angrily. “Which of course somehow only made me a bigger target than I was. And I never really talked to Jungkook, I just knew he existed and is Seonjae’s cousin.”

There are moments when he lapses into silence as he gathers his thought and will to continue, and sometimes Hoseok throws in commentary. “I’ve heard Jungkook mention Seonjae. Usually when he’s drunk, but yeah, I’ve heard that name.”

“Yeah. Such a joy to be around.” He wonders if there will ever be a time where bitterness doesn’t absolutely drip from his words when he talks about Seonjae. Probably not. And he doesn’t think it needs to change. “One day, he said my words to me. Jungkook, I mean. And Seonjae was there, congratulating him and saying some really shitty things. And I guess it hurt the most because I thought…”

Hoseok’s brow furrows. “Thought what?”

Jimin had almost said it. He’d almost said the thing that ate at him all day after the encounter had passed. A thought he feels foolish still for ever having. “I just, I don’t know, I thought maybe it was genuine? Like for a second, it was so sudden that I thought he could be. You know. I thought it was maybe real.”

“That Jungkook was your soulmate?”

Jimin cringes, and he knows his face burns red. He knows. “I mean, I guess. I don’t know. He’s not, because the next day, I tried to be civil, and he was just. So confusing? Like I thought he was being nice, but then he was so, so fucking mean. So hateful. Told me to get the fuck away from him, and then he…he stood there and watched as Seonjae just threw me around. He just fucking let it happen. And that was the last time I spoke to him or even really saw him until the other day.”

Hoseok simply nods his head when Jimin is finished. “I see.”

“I don’t know why it’s bothering me so much to have to see him again. It’s not like it’s Seonjae himself, just his favorite cousin. You know.”

“Mhm, I get you.” Hoseok presses his lips together and wraps his fingers around his cup. “That’s a really fucked up situation. Like really, really fucked up, and I hate that it happened to you. I don't blame you for feeling the way you do right now. I don't think there's anything wrong with how you feel, because it's your experience. My personal experience will tell you that Jungkook is the sweetest human being I’ve ever met, so this is a big, confusing mess.”

“Maybe you all have such fond experiences with him, but I don’t. Every time I see him, I’m just sucked back into the worst of that bad mindset I’m just trying to get away from. And I’m, I don’t know, I’m afraid, I think. I’m afraid of what this means. How it’s going to change things.”

“That’s completely understandable, Jimin. What we know about him is different from what you know, and it doesn’t make your experience any less valid.”

Jimin’s drink tastes bitter now. Properly bitter. He wonders if it has more to do with the negative emotions contaminating his thoughts right now. “What about Yoongi?”

Hoseok cocks his head to the side. “What about him?”

“Well, I mean, he’s like Jungkook’s life-long best friend, right? He must’ve been around during that time if he recognized me. How did he sit back and be friends with someone like that?” And most of all, how is my sweet and caring best friend his soulmate?

Okay. That was unnecessary. Jimin takes a breath.

“Those are personal questions I don’t think I can give you answers to. I can’t speak for either Jungkook or Yoongi-hyung. But I know he would never ever in a million years tolerate someone who’s a piece of shit. So some part of me really wonders what the missing part of this whole situation is.”

Jimin has no response for that. He wonders if he can even finish his drink; he’s starting to feel pretty nauseous.

He and Hoseok head to class shortly after that, with not much else said. He could throw up, honestly, and worries he might. After that ugly confession, he sure as hell doesn’t want to have to sit through a class where he has to pretend he doesn’t notice Jungkook’s presence.

But. He doesn’t have to pretend.

Because, thank fucking God, Jungkook isn’t in class today.

And something about that, some weird fucking logic, makes Jimin feel better. He’s not sure what type of better, just some type of better.

“Hyung.”

Hoseok looks over at him, in the middle of an arm stretch. “Yeah?”

“I made an appointment for tomorrow. For therapy.”

“Really? Jimin-ah, that’s amazing!”

Hoseok ruffles his hair aggressively, which he supposes is a sign of affection, and Jimin can’t help but giggle just a little.

Better.

***

It’s later than normal when Yoongi comes home, and when he does, he finds Jungkook standing over their kitchen sink with his head hanging low. An empty whiskey glass rests by his hand, a bottle nearby and half empty. He doesn’t look up when Yoongi walks in. Doesn’t even notice, it seems.

Needless to say, it’s not what Yoongi’s expecting, nor is it something he wants to see.

Every part of him starts to panic. He knows that never helps Jungkook, but God, he can’t help it. The fear that overwhelms him is strong and the memory of what happened last time this kid turned to alcohol makes his blood run cold. “You’re not supposed to drink, Jungkook.”

He looks at Yoongi then, only a glance, before pushing himself away from the counter. There’s a slight tilt to his stance, something barely off, but his words are coherent enough. Flat, but coherent. “It was just a few drinks. I’m fine.”

Yoongi of course understands that there’s more here. There can’t not be. “You know what this does to you, and now you're mixing it with antidepressants.”

Jungkook laughs harshly, with a sharp shake of the head. “I’m just fine, hyung. Unwinding a bit. So calm down.”

“You expect me to believe that? To not worry after last time?”

“I’m not a baby.”

“No, but you did try to kill yourself.”

“Do you think I fucking forgot?”

The silence that follows is thick. Yoongi doesn’t think he’s mad, no. That doesn’t feel right. He’s just scared. And maybe a bit guilty. Maybe a lot guilty.

Mostly, he doesn’t want Jungkook to spiral like he did after his parents kicked him out, and this is exactly how it started. And it ended with…well. It almost ended with the end.

He let Jungkook drink at the party, but maybe he didn’t notice where it was leading him. Yoongi’s not letting it come to that again.

Jungkook is the one to speak first. “I’m over that. I’m over all of it.”

“I’m not.”

“Since when is this about you?”

Yoongi then reaches out for the bottle and does the only thing that makes sense in that moment to him, the only thing that his terrified brain thinks about. He smashes it on the floor of their kitchen. Jungkook doesn’t even so much as blink. “Since this is my apartment. You know how I feel about this, you know that. This isn’t healthy.”

“Can I not just have a drink from time to time?”

His voice is too calm. Too quiet. It puts Yoongi even more on edge. “Do you want to talk? What’s bothering you? And I’m serious. This isn’t you, this isn’t who you need to be again. Was it the thing with Taehyung? Is it Jimin? What do you need from me, Jungkook? What can I do to help?”

Maybe that’s what softens him up, Yoongi isn’t sure, but he starts to see the exterior crack. He starts to see past this layer of armor Jungkook tries unnecessarily to shield himself with, and fails. “You do enough for me, hyung, I promise. Please. I don’t need you to do more.”

“Kid, please talk to me.”

Jungkook shakes his head, and Yoongi can see then. He can see the tension, the way he’s fighting the urge to cry. The tightness in his jaw. The blinking of his eyes. “I’m not ready. I’m not. I don’t want to talk tonight. I just want to sleep.”

And Yoongi lets him go to his room without another word. He’s left alone in the kitchen, staring at the shattered glass pieces on the floor and the spilled alcohol. A mess of his own making.

Chapter Text

Yeah. Jungkook feels pretty shitty the next morning, he’s not going to say otherwise. His only blessing that came with waking up was the fact that Yoongi was not in the apartment when he left for class. Instead there was a note that simply read: “Drink water, dumbfuck.”

And a heart, but Yoongi definitely attempted to erase it.

There’s part of Jungkook that knows he needs to address all of what happened. He knows he didn’t handle it the way he was supposed to, and he disappointed Yoongi. But right now, it’s not the time to think about it. It’s time to go to class, and then to work so he can pay for class.

And he sits through that first class of the morning with a splitting headache and a bad temper, so he comprehends nothing of the material. Maybe he’s hungry. Sustenance will cheer him up.

After class is over, finally, he makes his way to the dining hall, absolutely enthralled by the idea of food to the point where he jumps when he hears his name being called.

“Hey, Jungkook-ah!”

It’s Taehyung.

Jungkook stops in his tracks, like a deer frozen in headlights.

“Whatcha up to?” Taehyung asks. He doesn’t sound like he wants to kill Jungkook anymore. Which is very confusing for him. A camera hangs around his neck, and he registers Yoongi telling him that he’s a photography major. “I’m not gonna bite, loosen up.”

“I’m.” What the hell is he supposed to say? He’s awkward in situations like this. “I was just gonna grab some lunch. I just got out of class.”

“I don’t have class until three, do you want a lunch buddy?”

Jungkook is exceptionally confused, and a bit nervous, but the request somehow warms him up immediately. It might be relief. “Oh, um. Sure. Sure, yeah, I’d like that.”

“Cool!”

So, they walk to the dining hall together, in silence that Jungkook is sure is more awkward for him than Taehyung. He seems comfortable with the lack of communication between the two of them.

Jungkook wonders if Yoongi put him up to this. Either way, he’s still convinced this is a joke and Taehyung’s going to sever his spinal cord with a butter knife any second. It’s a reasonable fear.

They sit down at a table, Jungkook with an unreasonably large amount of food, and honestly Taehyung as well. Immediately Taehyung, as expected, is the first to break the silence. “You seem nervous.”

Jungkook, bewildered, gapes at him. “Well, yeah.”

“Am I intimidating you?”

“A lot.”

“What if I point this butter knife at you? Is that scary?”

This is how he dies, isn’t it. At the hands of a cocky madman who’s his best friend’s soulmate and his soulmate’s best friend. “Uh.”

Taehyung barks out a laugh. “Relax, oh my God, I’m not going to kill you.”

Jungkook tries to laugh along, but all he can offer is a small grin. Even that comes off as fake, and he can’t help it. “I just didn’t expect you to treat me like this.”

“Like what? A human being?”

“Like your friend.”

Taehyung’s laugh dies down a bit, but the kindness is still there. “We can be friends, Jungkook. I mean, if that’s something you want.”

“Even after what happened? After last night?”

Taehyung grimaces then, stabbing a fork into the noodles on his plate. “I only knew half of that bad experience. And while I still think it was shitty, and I’m still frustrated that Jimin is so hurt by it, you explained it to me. You’re the only person who has ever tried to apologize and make amends. Also, you’re his soulmate. Can’t really hate my best friend’s forever pal. So I’m sorry I lashed out at you before understanding, and I’m sorry for hurting you because of it. Everyone deserves a second chance.”

Dumbfounded is not the word. Jungkook is absolutely beyond that. Devastated? That feels closer to what he feels. Because he’s not someone worth apologizing to. And the fact that Taehyung is trying to make amends himself and make him feel human? He doesn’t know why, but he was never expecting this kind of mercy from anyone on Jimin’s side of the line. He wasn’t expecting it from anyone, ever.

And so he cries. Right there. Violently sudden and temporarily outside of his control.

It just feels so, so relieving.

Taehyung’s eyes grow wide. “Did I offend you? If I did, I’m so sorry, sometimes I put my words before my thoughts, I’m sorry-”

“No, no,” Jungkook sniffles, wiping hard at his eyes. God, this is embarrassing. He’s not emotionally stable for social interaction. “Fuck.”

Taehyung waits patiently for Jungkook to get a grip, which, thankfully, he’s able to do fairly quickly.

“You didn’t offend me, I just wasn’t expecting this,” Jungkook says after a while.

“Expect more of it, is all I can tell you.” Taehyung steals a dumpling off Jungkook’s plate and shoves it into his mouth without a single flying fuck. “So Yoongi tells me you play a lot of video games?”

Jungkook laughs, a bit on the shy side, but also a bit more comfortable than before. The way Taehyung so naturally treats him like a real friend, so instantly, so sincerely, makes him feel happy. He wipes at his eyes one last time before picking up his soup spoon. “I do. I’d like to say I’m pretty good at them.”

“Bet I’m better.”

Jungkook raises a brow, pulling his plate away as Taehyung reaches for another dumpling, and he grins. “Is that a challenge?”

***

The ride downtown takes maybe twenty minutes on the bus, and Jimin had hoped he could collect his thoughts by the time it reached his destination. With no such luck, of course. He’s not sure what else he expected except to walk inside as a jittery, nervous mess.

The main office is a large area. Not many people are there currently, which makes him breathe easy. He isn’t sure why. Maybe he’s afraid of anyone he knows seeing him here, considering Hoseok was the only person he ever told he’d be here today. That, and his mother. She’d been very encouraging.

Jimin takes another quick second to try to collect himself, and before he can talk himself out of anything – because he has tried, all night and the entire bus ride here – he approaches the receptionist.

“Do you have an appointment, sir?” the woman asks him, without looking up from her keyboard.

“Y-yes,” Jimin answers. His fingers fidget with his zipper and he rocks on the balls of his feet. What he wouldn’t give to be in the studio right now.

The receptionist checks him in, directs him to a waiting area, and Jimin sits. Of course, waiting makes him even more queasy.

Lots of people get therapy, Jimin, what the fuck is wrong with you. Honestly, he’s being ridiculous. All of this is ridiculous. Maybe he should just leave. People have serious issues, and he’s over here acting like a victim, just because he got his feelings hurt years ago, like his life is horrible. Yeah, that’s it for him. Jimin grabs the chair arms to stand up and–

“Park Jimin?”

Ah. That’s me. That is, in fact, my name. He sighs.

Dr. Lee smiles kindly at him, her eyes crinkling around the corners. “Come with me.”

Well now he doesn’t have a choice. Fuck.

Hesitantly he does, and he follows her to a room he assumes is her office. She gestures around. “Take a seat anywhere that looks comfortable, Jimin.” Jimin plops down in the closest chair he sees. Dr. Lee sits at her desk and clasps her hands together. “So, what brings you here today?”

Jimin finds it hard to speak. His mouth is dry. “Um.”

“You seem nervous. Is this your first time in therapy?”

He nods.

“I see. Jimin, tell me. Do you think you’re deserving of mental health treatment?”

The question catches him very off guard. Was he that painfully obvious in what he was thinking? “I. I suppose. Everyone is deserving.”

“Do you believe that for yourself, or are you saying it because you think it’s what I’d like to hear?”

“Probably that last one.”

She nods. “A lot of people think whatever is conflicting them isn’t worth seeking help for. They rationalize that people have it worse off than them and that they’re wasting someone’s time and efforts. But everyone’s concerns are valid. Yours included. So please tell me what I can help you with.”

Jimin stares at the floor. He’s here. He has valid concerns that need to be addressed. He has weight on his shoulders he wants lifted. It’s okay. This is okay. “I. Well, I think I have a problem.”

“What kind of problem do you think you have?”

“A soulmate problem.”

And so Jimin tells her. He jumps straight into it from the very beginning of high school when Seonjae first found out, all the way to senior year when he encountered Jungkook, and then a few weeks ago when he encountered Jungkook again, how he’s been a mess since. He explains how he struggles to meet new people and fears the idea of someone else finding out his words. How he tends to snap and lash out when he feels triggered by the topic. Everything.

He also tells her about the biggest thing weighing him down. That he doesn’t think he’s capable of having a soulmate anymore. That he feels too broken, too angry, to be able to accept or want his soulmate when he finds him. He knows that thought isn’t fair, because his hypothetical future soulmate did nothing to him except make a playful jab, and he will forever hate it. He will never be able to have the same connection with his soulmate. It’s corrupted. It’s poisoned.

“And I just want to get over it. I want to be able to have a soulmate, I want to love someone and have someone love me. I just don’t know how.”

Dr. Lee, who didn’t once interrupt during Jimin’s word explosion, nods her head. “This is a very unfortunate situation that you didn’t deserve. But we can work with it. It’s not a permanent thing. I would like to ask a question for you, though, and I want you to think seriously about it.”

Jimin bites his lip. “Alright.”

“Do you think it’s possible you may have already met your soulmate in one of those encounters? From what you’ve explained, there were a lot of them.”

As much as Jimin hates it, absolutely despises it, his mind immediately conjures up Jungkook. There’s a sharp pain in his chest then, and he grits his teeth. “No. Too many people have tried to make me believe it just to be mean.”

Dr. Lee scribbles something in her notebook. Jimin tries not to let it bother him. “I understand. The only reason I ask is because this is affecting you so strongly in terms of your negative emotions, and as you may or may not know, emotions are much more intense when they’re affected by your soulmate, even the negative ones. Now, I’m not undermining the trauma that has come from this experience, I’m merely suggesting that if you met your soulmate from one of these encounters, that can play into the power of your emotions.”

It makes sense. But Jimin shakes his head regardless. “I don’t think it’s happened. I never said anyone’s words back, and everyone only ever laughed at me afterwards.”

“I see.” She scribbles down some more notes. Jimin wonders if she thinks he’s too much to handle, but then he discards that thought. He’s allowed to need help. Why is that so hard for him to just accept. “Jimin, I think to start this healing process, we should start with the rationalization of your anger. Clearly you know where it’s stemming from, and that’s the unfairness of the situation. Which I very much understand. It is unfair. No one deserves this kind of treatment and interference in such a special universal connection. I would be angry at the world too. Straight up pissed off.”

Jimin chuckles a little, feeling ever so slightly the nervousness fading. Someone understands his thoughts. “I am pretty pissed. I always have been.”

“And I think if we can target that area, it would be easier to come to terms with the situation. The most important thing I want you to understand when you’re conflicted with these memories and fears is that they are experiences of the past. It does not mean that everyone will use this to hurt you, and it does not mean that your soulmate who will speak these words intends to hurt you,” she says.

“But what about-” Jimin starts, but he cuts himself off. He doesn’t want to make any more of an issue.

“But what about Jungkook?”

Jimin blinks. “Yeah. Him.”

Dr. Lee leans back in her chair and clasps her hands on the desk. “I can’t speak for how you feel here, no one but you can. But, based on the information you’ve reported to me, it seems if Jungkook were out to continue hurting you, he would, and if he was someone with the intent to harm, your friends wouldn’t allow him to be around. Like I said, this is hypothetical on my part. I know none of these people. But your friends are, as you say, very supportive and caring towards you. Do you think they’re capable of engaging with bad people, the way you categorize Jungkook as?”

“No.” And that’s the whole issue that’s been bothering him. Made him feel like a bad person for assuming his friends would willingly put up with a monster.

Jimin cringes inwardly. What right does he have to call Jungkook a monster? Okay, so he has a little bit of a right, but does he really get to just decide who someone is because of his experiences?

“Do you think you’re capable of forgiving everyone who said your words to you?”

That’s the real question. Because Jimin doesn’t think he can. “I don’t know, honestly. Why should I?”

“Your feelings are valid, because these people did you wrong. But we don’t always forgive people for their sake. Sometimes we do it for ours. So we can move on, so we can internalize what they did. You don’t have to walk up to Seonjae himself and say ‘I forgive you.’ In fact, I would never advise you to give him that kind of benefit. But internally, do you think you’re capable of telling yourself something like ‘I’ll never understand what made him lash out against me, and I can’t undo how it used to make me feel, but I can attempt to control how it will continue to make me feel’?”

Slowly, Jimin nods. He likes that. He likes that a whole lot more than the burning hatred he’s decided to feel since high school. “I can try.”

“Now,” Dr. Lee leans forward and stares hard at him. “Think about this. How would it make you feel if you decided to forgive Jungkook? He’s the immediate memory of what happened, and he’s what has been causing you the most recent distress. Not only does this tell him he has no power anymore, but maybe it will give you both a chance, as adults, to come to terms with the mistakes of the past. Maybe he himself needs a chance to recover from who he used to be, if it seems like he’s not that person anymore.”

For some reason, this idea starts to make him a bit annoyed. He tries to tamper that down; he does understand what she’s trying to say. None of his friends see any bad in Jungkook, besides Taehyung. And that’s because Taehyung only knows what Jimin knows.

What if Jimin doesn’t know everything? What if Jungkook has changed? “So do I try to be friends with him?”

Dr. Lee shakes her head. “That is completely your decision to make. But whatever you decide, you don’t need to feel guilty about. If you decide you don’t want to have him in your life, that’s fine. The influence of your friends doesn’t dictate your choices either.”

“I understand.” And he does. He gets everything she says. Doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy to process. But it’s a step forward. It’s a step Jimin desperately needs.

After that, Dr. Lee does some routine questions that Jimin mindlessly answers. He agrees to meet with her once every two weeks, which sounds manageable to him.

As Dr. Lee escorts Jimin out of her office, she adds, “Remember, Jimin. This isn’t for him. This isn’t to make Jungkook feel better about himself or his actions. Those are consequences he still has to acknowledge. This is for you to come to terms with your own experiences and take a step towards recovery. That being said, don’t rush any of your thought processes. Don’t try to force yourself into anything to make you feel like you’re doing what I would want from you.”

Jimin nods at her, and then steps away, walking outside to the bus stop, where he waits to be taken back to campus. Luckily his mind is empty. Probably too tired from that mess of a meeting. He needs a nap.

But nonetheless. There’s hope. There’s a lot of hope, actually.

Jimin arrives at his apartment after the bus drops him off nearby and is intercepted almost as soon as he opens the door.

“Chim!”

He’s scooped up in a hug that crushes his left ribcage. “Tae, can’t breathe. Can’t. Breathe.”

Taehyung drops him to the ground and stares him down. “I thought you’d be home hours ago! Hoseokie-hyung said you weren’t at the studio with him, and you don’t work right now.”

“First of all, you stalker. Second, I wasn’t gone that long.”

“Four hours! I made dinner!”

A cup of ramen noodles sits on the counter, presumably very cold. Jimin can’t help laughing. “Thanks, Tae. I was busy.”

“After I slaved away at dinner,” Taehyung fake cries, with a dramatic hand sweep across his forehead.

“I went to therapy,” Jimin adds quietly.

Taehyung’s head whips around to him. “What? Are you for real?”

He nods.

Taehyung’s face softens. “Chim, that’s great to hear! How did it go? How do you feel? Wait, fucking hell, you didn’t tell me before? You actual bitch! How dare you not tell your mother where you’re going!”

“Actually, my mom knew.”

“WHAT.”

Jimin bursts out laughing. “I’m sorry! I just didn’t want to be held to any expectations other than my own until I got the first meeting over with, you know? I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. But I think it went okay. Like, I feel really good right now, strangely.” Jimin hops onto the kitchen counter with the cup of ramen and gives Taehyung a rundown of what Dr. Lee discussed with him. Taehyung doesn’t say anything until he’s done, with a few nods here and there during the conversation.

Taehyung keeps his face blank during the whole talk, but Jimin knows there’s something he wants to say. So when he wraps up, Jimin says, “Okay, out with it. What’s on your mind?”

Taehyung looks startled, like he didn’t realize he was displaying his emotions so well while trying not to. “Oh, I mean, I’m just really happy for starters. I know you needed this, and I know you hated the idea before. I was just thinking about what your therapist lady said, you know, about Jungkook.”

Jimin raises an eyebrow. “What do you mean? About forgiving him?”

Taehyung is quiet for a few seconds longer than Jimin would like. “I got lunch with Jungkook today. We have plans to play video games soon.”

Needless to say, of all the many, many crazy things that could and have come out of Taehyung’s mouth, that wasn’t quite what Jimin expected. “You what now.”

“I gave him a chance for Yoongi’s sake. And so far, I have had no reason to regret it. If I thought he would still hurt you, I wouldn’t have done it.” He taps his fingers against the countertop. “You’re not mad at me, are you?”

Jimin doesn’t immediately answer. Is he mad? Is that really what this emotion is? Or is he really confused? Jimin doesn’t feel mad. “I’m not mad, Tae, I promise. I-what? I’m not! Don’t look at me like that!”

Taehyung pouts at him with his lip stuck out and eyes wide. “Be honest with me. Not like when you ran away from home without telling me.”

Jimin snorts. “Tae, I’m being completely honest! I get he’s Yoongi’s friend, I get that. If you want me to be absolutely truthful here, it doesn’t bother me at all? I don’t know, it’s weird, but I just don’t feel bothered by it right now. Maybe I will tomorrow or something but right now, it’s just so exhausting to be angry. I’m trying my best to rationalize my own emotions, because those are mine, and yours are yours, and it can’t dictate what I choose and mine can’t dictate what you choose.”

“Are you reciting what your therapist lady told you?”

“Her name is Dr. Lee, excuse you, and yes, yes I am. She made a lot of sense. I’m trying, dammit.”

Taehyung smiles at him, playfulness aside. “I know you’re trying. And I’m proud of you for that, Chim. I just. If it makes you feel better, I wouldn’t let anyone hurt you if I could help it, and I just feel like. I don’t know, I feel like Jungkook won’t hurt you.”

Jimin glares at him.

“Won’t hurt you again. You trust me, right?”

Jimin tosses his empty ramen cup in the trash, where it absolutely misses. “I do. I do trust you.”

“You don’t have to be his friend. But,” Taehyung sighs, very deep. “Ugh, okay, so you should talk to him. Hear what he has to say. It’s not my place to share what he said but I know you need to hear.”

“Well, that’s terrifyingly cryptic.”

“No, I’m serious. Like. Like, I think you need to hear this. Like I think it’ll help.”

Jimin presses his lips together. “Maybe. I mean, I don’t know if I want to hear any reason he has for what he did?”

“That’s what I said too. That’s all I’m saying about this.”

“You and Hoseok said the same thing.”

“Hyung knows about the situation?”

Jimin hops down from the counter and picks up the fallen ramen cup, where he properly trashes it. The shower is calling his name right now, and he needs to properly work with his thoughts. “Yeah, he knows.” Jimin walks towards his room, turning back with a smirk, only to say, “He also knew about therapy.”

“YOU BITCH.”

***

Jungkook never would’ve thought that his sanity would be completely dependent on the cup of black coffee that he holds in his hand right now. And yet here he is.

He can’t bring himself to walk in the dance studio. He just can’t. Holy shit, this is a bad idea.

Okay. It’s fine. Open the door, Jungkook.

He manages that, at least, after a few more seconds. Why is he acting like a teenager with a crush? God, it is just coffee.

Jungkook sees Jimin standing by Hoseok-hyung and his nerves buzz. But for fuck’s fucking sake, he is Jeon Jungkook, and he can give someone a coffee that he bought with his own money. Goddamn.

Jimin doesn’t turn around until Jungkook is behind him, when Hoseok directs his attention at him and waves. And Jimin just. Stares at him.

Jungkook feels nauseous. Why does he feel nauseous? God.

“Hey, Jungkook-ah,” Hoseok says first, bless his soul.

But then. “What do you want?” Jimin says.

“I…” Jungkook’s throat feels dry. “I just…I mean I-I know we’re, I know we’re meant to be partners and stuff, so I, I mean, I just wanted to-” Jungkook thrusts the drink forward at Jimin. “I got this. For you.”

Honestly the look Hoseok gives him just reads You’re astoundingly stupid.

Jimin stares at the cup in his hand. “Excuse me?”

“A peace offering? I, um. It’s black? Coffee? Um.”

There’s a long period of silence between the three of them, and Jungkook swears the tension can be cut with a knife. Jimin rubs his eyes very suddenly and sighs.

I fucked up, I fucked up, shit.

But.

Jimin reaches out and takes the cup from Jungkook. “Did you poison it?”

“No,” he answers. “I mean it probably tastes toxic, because there’s nothing in it.”

“I like black coffee, okay, why do all of you people pick on me for that,” Jimin huffs, and then he takes a sip. “Thanks, Jungkook. I appreciate it.”

Jungkook offers him a small nod, and then steps away to the front of the studio to warm up. He’s trembling all over.

Jimin didn’t throw the drink back in his face. He didn’t reject it. Jungkook’s kind of in shock.

But he huffs out a laugh to himself. Because when he sneaks a peak behind him, he sees Jimin happily chatting with Hoseok and sipping his coffee.

***

“Jimin? You’re being too quiet.”

Jimin snaps his attention to Hoseok, who stares at him with a mixture of curiosity and concern. He undoubtably wants to know what’s going on in Jimin’s head right now.

Which is fucking hilarious, because Jimin would like to know as well. “Hmm? Sorry, I’m just distracted.”

“Clearly,” Hoseok nudges at him with a chuckle. “I just want to say, I think it was mature, what you did.”

“Accepted free coffee? Fuck yeah.”

Hoseok rolled his eyes. “You know what I mean.”

Jimin doesn’t answer immediately. It’s taking too long for his thoughts to form on this. It’s like he’s completely numb to it. “I did it for myself,” Jimin says, his voice so quiet he wonders if the words even came out. “Not so Jungkook can feel good about himself.”

“Maybe it can be good for both of you, you know? Good to move on.”

“What could Jungkook have to move on from?” Jimin says. It’s not angry. It’s not even bitter. It’s just a question that slips out.

“A past version of himself that he didn’t like. Everyone deserves a chance to change.”

Now Hoseok’s just quoting Jimin’s therapist at this point. And he knows they’re both right. He hates them. “Yeah, yeah. I know.”

The rest of class passes by quickly after that. Jimin can’t help but sneak glances at Jungkook through the warmups and exercises.

He’s not upset. He’s not even angry. No, the reason he feels so numb is because the crippling negative emotions he normally feels are just not there right now.

Everything just feels like it could be okay, and Jimin is comforted by that.

It’s weird. Jimin knows he’s not necessarily saved. He knows it doesn’t work like that. But right now, at least, he doesn’t feel like he’s in danger. Not saved, but safe.

After class ends, Jimin says goodbye to Hoseok and marches up to the front of the studio where Jungkook packs his gym bag unsuspectingly before he can change his mind. Jimin reaches out and taps on his shoulder. “Jungkook.”

Jungkook jumps, nearly cartoonishly, and spins around. “Oh. Hi.”

Jimin swallows painfully. Here goes nothing. “We should, um. If you’re up to it, we should talk. Or something.”

The look in Jungkook’s eyes makes Jimin want to cringe. The kid’s big doe eyes light up. “About the-”

“About the assignment for class,” Jimin interrupts. He knows what Jungkook wants him to say. He knows, according to what Taehyung told him, that Jungkook desperately wants to talk about what happened.

And just as quickly as his face lit up, Jungkook’s face falls. But he still smiles. “Yeah. Yeah, of course.”

“And you know,” Jimin adds. “Other things.”

“Other things,” Jungkook echoes. “Y-yeah, okay.”

“I was going to go to the library to draft out the plan for the choreography piece. Do you want to walk with me?” It’s a vulnerable step, and Jimin feels the weight of it pulling at his heart. It’s a strange feeling. All of this, everything to do with Jungkook, is a strange feeling.

It’s not exactly horrible, though.

“Yeah,” Jungkook says softly, so softly it hurts, “I do.”

And so, Jimin and Jungkook leave the studio. Together. Jimin leads the way towards the library, both of them silent the whole time. Jimin doesn’t even know where to begin the conversation, so he doesn’t, until they’re seated and have the assignment pulled up in front of them.

They continue to sit in silence because Jimin is awkward. He clears his throat. “I really did appreciate the coffee. You didn’t have to do that.”

“I wanted to,” Jungkook says. “I was disgusted with myself for ordering burnt sludge.”

“You’re not doing too good getting off my shit list right now.”

Jimin thinks maybe he shouldn’t draw attention to the past right this second, since the ice is only just beginning to break, but Jungkook laughs, flashing a smile that reminds Jimin of bunny teeth.

Maybe this can be okay. Maybe it doesn’t have to be dramatic.

And just like that, the conversation flows easily. They compare schedules and find a time to book the dance studio every week to rehearse, and they map out the details of the project. Jimin knows he’s in charge here – he is older after all – so the majority of the choreography is going to be the bulk of his grade. Jungkook agrees to do a quick meet-up soon so they can compare their dance styles and work from there.

Honestly? It’s easy, it’s so easy. Jimin feels the relief ache in his bones at this point, because easy wasn’t something he was expecting when the professor told him he’d be working with Jeon Jungkook.

“So, I think we could pull off something like this here, but only if we – what? What’s wrong?” Jimin stops speaking at Jungkook’s intense gaze on him.

Jungkook blinks in surprise, as if he didn’t realize he had been staring. “Oh. Nothing, I’m sorry, my mind’s just…”

“Somewhere else?”

Jungkook looks away then, back down at his notebook where he had been furiously scribbling down Jimin’s recommendations and available times. “Yeah.”

“Do you…” Jimin clears his throat. It’s best to just tear the band-aid off while the atmosphere is comfortable. Jimin isn’t even sure if he can wait longer anyway. He’s got to hear it. He’s got to know what makes this Jungkook so different from the Jungkook he was introduced to. “Just get it off your chest. Whatever it is you need to say to me.”

Jungkook really looks at everything in the library except Jimin. “I don’t know where to start.”

“How about, why? Why would you do something like that? That’s just what I don’t understand,” Jimin starts. His voice isn’t raised, but he feels the potential. He thinks about his anger. He acknowledges it’s there, and he’s aware that he is allowed to feel it. But he’s not going to take it out on Jungkook right now. Not after the peace he’s finally starting to feel. That doesn’t mean he’s not telling him off. “If you can parade around feeling guilty and begging for a chance to redeem yourself, then tell me why you thought it was a good idea to do it in the first place. Help me understand.”

“I-” Jungkook struggles to speak. Jimin can see the distress on his face as he fights to find something to say. “Jimin, I-”

“And not only that, but the fact is, you could’ve helped, you know. You didn’t have to stand there and watch Seonjae throw me around.”

Jungkook flinches at the name. “Wait, I did help, Jimin, I did, I tried to stop him-”

“After the damage was done. You didn’t do enough.”

There’s silence between them, and it’s heavy. Jimin takes it as an opportunity to regather. Refocus. Try again.

“So, I just want to know why you think you deserve anything from me when you made my life just as much a living hell as he always did.”

It takes Jungkook a long, long fucking time before he speaks. Jimin lets him sit there. He’s not in a hurry. “You know he’s my cousin?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“He…” Jungkook shakes his head and huffs out a breath like he’s frustrated. Jimin is starting to feel that same frustration. “He blackmailed me.”

Jimin raises a brow. The statement does make him angry, but he’s not sure where it’s directed. “Is that it? The only explanation?”

Jungkook shakes his head again and suddenly turns his gaze to Jimin. The frustration is very clear, along with something else. Jimin thinks it’s pain. In fact, he knows it’s pain, he can see it clearly in Jungkook’s eyes. “Look, I hope you’re not looking for some grand excuse that can make what I did perfectly okay, because I can’t give that to you. What I did was shitty, and I know that from the bottom of my heart, and there hasn’t been a day that I haven’t thought about it and hated myself for it, genuinely. So I can’t make it okay. I can only tell you what caused me to do it and promise that I don’t ever want to hurt you.”

When Jimin swallows, his throat is tight. Painfully so. It’s too close to the feeling of forcing tears down. Brows furrowed, he nods for Jungkook to continue, because he doesn’t trust his voice.

“I was afraid. Constantly, all the time, afraid. Because my parents-” Jungkook suddenly stops. His entire expression becomes constricted, the muscles in his face clenched and his eyes blank. Honestly it startles the shit out of Jimin, the sudden change. But just as quickly, he gains control of whatever the fuck is playing in his head. “My parents aren’t the greatest people. Never have been. And Seonjae, well. He knew things about me. Things that honestly I’m surprised didn’t get me killed.”

“Like what?”

“I…” Jungkook’s face turns very red, holy shit, and Jimin backtracks.

“Don’t answer that, I’m sorry, it’s not important.”

Jimin can tell he threw Jungkook off track. He struggles to continue. “Um, well. I called him out for, for you know, the words thing, and he threatened to tell my parents the. The thing I didn’t want them to know. Unless I kept doing everything he wanted. And for some reason, I gave into that, because I didn’t want to lose my whole life, no matter how fucking shitty it’s been. And so I did it. I went through with it. Everything he wanted me to say, or do, or act. Because he thought it was funny, and I thought everything was on the line.”

Jimin realizes he’s done speaking after some time of silence passes, and he can’t wrap his mind around it. He just can’t. There is no thought up there right now. But he does end up asking, “Did he?

“Hmm?”

“Did he tell your parents?”

Jungkook laughs very abruptly, very bitter. “There’s a reason I live with Yoongi-hyung.”

Jimin’s eyes widen. “He, wait, he told them? And they like, kicked you out?” Jungkook nods. “Fucking hell.”

Jungkook doesn’t say much after that.

“I’m sorry, that’s such a shitty thing to do, fuck. I’m sorry.”

Jimin’s met with a ludicrous look. “You’re sorry? You’re not supposed to be the one apologizing to me.”

“Well, funny enough, I’m doing just that.” And it’s causing Jimin’s emotions to be all over the place. God, he really needs to sit down and process. His mind is going absolutely batshit.

But one thing he’s realizing is that this grudge? There’s nothing there to hold it up. In fact, he doesn’t want to keep the grudge. He doesn’t really know where to begin untangling this weird web of feelings towards Jeon Jungkook, who originally smiled at him in the hallway and waved at him, before it all happened. Who only lashed out at him out of fear of being abandoned by his own family.

Who very, very clearly and sincerely regrets what he did. Jimin isn’t blind to that.

People change. And people make mistakes. Jimin understands that.

“I don’t know if I forgive you. I don’t know what that label is right now, and it’s not something I owe you. But I can at least recognize your guilt. And I’m willing to move forward from all of this if you are.”

“As friends?” The hope in Jungkook’s voice is strong. Jimin hates to have to crush it.

“No,” he admits, because he doesn’t think that’s the label he wants right off the bat. At least not until he’s sat on this. It’s something he wants Jungkook to work for, not be handed willingly. “Not friends. But I don’t hate you. We’re not enemies.”

“Can we try for friends one day, maybe?”

“I don’t want you to try to be friends with me out of pity, because you regret what you did.”

“I want to be friends because I want to be friends.”

He’s wary of the weight of the promise he’s about to make. But regardless, he makes it. “We’ll work on it.” Because Jimin wouldn’t mind a friendship with Jungkook. Just not right now. It’s weird.

The conversation ends after that, and they quickly go back to discussing the assignment.

But the air is so much lighter. In fact, everything feels lighter.

That weight that’s been bearing down on him for years has slacked, and it seems like it has for Jungkook as well.

They part ways soon after wrapping up, mostly because Jimin needs to head home before Taehyung thinks he got kidnapped again or something. “See you later.”

Jungkook gives a small wave. “Bye, Jimin-ssi.”

“Hyung,” Jimin corrects without thinking as he shoves his laptop in his bag. Then he stops dead in his tracks. The two of them stare at each other without saying a word.

Until Jungkook grins, and Jimin does not like the smugness one bit. “Jimin-hyung?”

Jimin shakes his head with a huff and storms away. He can’t believe he just did that. “We’re not friends, brat.”

But Jimin doesn’t correct him.

***

TaeTae<3 created group chat minsuga, KookieMonster, joonie, Jin, UrHope, ChimChim<3

TaeTae<3 renamed group chat “OKAY Y’ALL LET’S HAVE A PARTY”

TaeTae<3 [16:08] alright losers

TaeTae<3 [16:08] I mean friends

TaeTae<3 [16:09] you may be wonderinf why ive gathered u all here today

TaeTae<3 [16:09] as u know, my dear sweet yoongi and I have been together for a month

TaeTae<3 [16:10] so we must celebrate

joonie [16:16] well this is interesting

UrHope [16:18] im down

UrHope [16:18] when n where

Jin [16:18] same

minsuga [16:18] putting seven lunatics in a group chat is not what I meant tae

ChimChim<3 [16:19] seven?

KookieMonster [16:20] hello

ChimChim<3 has left the chat

TaeTae<3 [16:22] no u don’t bitch

TaeTae<3 has added ChimChim<3 to “OKAY Y’ALL LET’S HAVE A PARTY”

TaeTae<3 [16:24] so I’m thinking my place Saturday night starting @ 6 :) be there or be square

KookieMonster has requested private chat with ChimChim<3

KookieMonster [16:22] hey jimin it’s jungkook. did I upset you?

ChimChim<3 [16:23] hmm? oh not at all

ChimChim<3 [16:23] they just don’t know yet >:)

KookieMonster [16:24] ur evil

KookieMonster [16:24] I like it

***

Jungkook sits in the living room of the apartment when Yoongi comes home that evening. He’s flipping through his textbook, but his mind isn’t there.

Maybe he’s focusing too much on the fact that Jimin all but invited him to prank their mutual friends. Or that Jungkook extended the olive branch and Jimin accepted it.

Jungkook is just in a state of emptiness. If he starts to feel anything remotely close to relief or happiness, it’s curbed by guilt and anger at himself for feeling like he deserves anything. So, he tries to keep the emotions turned off for now.

He can allow himself just a few hours of peace for once. He has to.

“Hey, hyung,” he greets Yoongi as he kicks his shoes off. Yoongi hums in acknowledgment.

Should Jungkook tell him? Normally he’d jump at the chance. He’s daydreamed about the scenario where he can tell his best friend that his soulmate finally accepted him, at least partially.

But there was a little nagging thing that kept nipping at the edges. It’s not a big dark secret; he should just tell his hyung. “I talked to Jimin today.”

Yoongi gives him a sideways glance. “How’d that go?”

Jungkook shrugs. “It went well.”

Yoongi grabs a glass of water from the kitchen and plops down in the chair beside the couch, where he looks pointedly at Jungkook and his lack of elaboration. “That’s it? Just ‘it went well’?”

“It did!”

“If it went better than the worst-case scenario, I would expect you to be rejoicing. So what’s wrong?”

That little shit. Absolute piece of garbage. “How do you know me this well.”

Yoongi sips from his drink. “I raised you. Now spill.”

So Jungkook tells him what happened in class, and then in the library. Yoongi nods, he understands so far, and then Jungkook finishes his story. And that’s it. He says nothing else, because there’s nothing else to say. Yoongi raises a brow at him like he’s full of it. “What’s bothering you, then? This is a good step, isn’t it?”

“I don’t know.”

“Yes, you do.”

“I don’t.”

“You do.”

“Yoongi.”

He sips.

Jungkook huffs and rolls his eyes. “I don’t know, okay? I want to be excited. I want to feel happy. Maybe I will eventually. I don’t know. I’m afraid if I start to feel anything other than the guilt and self-loathing, it’ll overwhelm me.”

“Was that hard to admit?”

“Yes! Very!”

“Jungkook-ah,” Yoongi leans forward in the chair, his tone more serious now than it was earlier. “Allow yourself to have this. Just this one thing. You don’t want to come clean out with the soulmate thing, and I understand that, but let yourself have this happiness for right now, okay?”

Jungkook swallows hard against the sudden lump that arose in his throat. Not sure if he can speak, Jungkook just nods with his eyes cast down.

He should feel relieved he got even this much. But there’s that pressing guilt that pops up every time he starts to feel happy.

“Just once can you stop acting so selfless and accept something you want?” Yoongi says. “Jimin was willing to accept the idea of forgiveness, even if it’s not right yet. You can’t expect him to immediately fall in love with you. This is the step you needed, Jungkook. Take it and keep walking. You know what I mean?”

Jungkook nods. Because he does know what Yoongi means.

The best he can do is try.

He doesn’t have to feel guilty for everything, he tells himself. He doesn’t have to feel guilty for being alive. Not everything is his fault.

“Well,” Jungkook says, changing the subject. “Am I good to come to the party with you this weekend?”

***

Jimin’s week passes by without anything exciting going on. He sees Jungkook once more in class that week, but aside from casual greetings, they don’t speak much.

And that’s fine. If Jimin is going to work towards forgiveness and friendship, he’s taking it at his own pace. And it feels fantastic, actually. He finally feels like he’s in control.

Saturday is here before he knows it, which is a blessing. School is already picking up for the semester, and Professor Choi said she needed to speak to him next week. So he assumes there’s a big project coming up. That’s the only time she speaks to him one-on-one.

That, or he fucked up somehow.

Needless to say, the break is welcome.

Taehyung has been beaming all day, and it’s the sweetest thing to witness. Yeah, Yoongi’s only been in his life for a month or so, but it means a lot to him. Jimin’s happy to see him happy.

They spend the morning gathering some food and snacks for tonight’s little get together. Jimin’s a bit nervous to see Jungkook, if he’s being honest with himself. Not because of any bad feelings, necessarily. Mostly because he’s determined to start down this path of recovery that begins with him forgiving Jungkook. It’s a good start. He’s just aware of the atmosphere that his friends expect of the two of them, and he’s aware that being friendly with him is solidifying his choices.

Before he knows it, the evening comes, and their friends start arriving at their cramped apartment. First is Hoseok, who is excited to be the sole provider of alcohol and other drinks. Namjoon and Jin file in soon after, with Yoongi following close behind.

And then after Yoongi, Jungkook.

Of course, everyone is anticipating the tension as Jungkook and Jimin lock eyes. Jimin didn’t tell Taehyung about their encounter in class and the library. He wanted to keep it to himself, something he could think on and work within his own mind without outside influence.

Jimin dips his head in a quick gesture of acknowledgment at Jungkook’s presence. He feels the urge to smile, so he does. “Hey.”

Jungkook smiles back hesitantly, very obviously shy. Jimin hates to admit that it’s almost endearing. “Hey, hyung.”

Jimin wants to burst out laughing at the expressions of his friends. Jungkook, calling Jimin hyung? Did they miss something? The questions are apparent on their faces.

Taehyung is the first to break the awkward silence. “Jungkook-ah! Come play a game with me, since you’re so cocky and sure you’ll win.”

Jungkook gives one last look to Jimin, as if to ask for permission, and Jimin finds himself saying, “Kick his ass or don’t show your face around here ever again.”

A genuine smile lights up his face as he rushes over and plops down beside Taehyung, who extends a controller. Jimin takes his time before heading to the living room, grabbing a drink and coming to terms with what he’s feeling.

But before he can, someone calls out his name softly. It’s Yoongi. Of all the people to approach, Jimin wasn’t expecting him. “Hey, what’s up?’

Yoongi takes his time before speaking, a trait that makes Jimin squirm. “How are you doing?”

Jimin finishes his drink in one big gulp. “You’re asking about Jungkook, aren’t you.”

“I am,” he says. “I know you’re both tense around each other. Are you comfortable?”

Jimin is surprised. He’s more than surprised, actually. More like, he’s flattered that Yoongi would care more about his comfort right now than Jungkook’s.

And Jimin finds that question easy to answer, somehow. “Yeah. I’m comfortable.”

“Is that a lie?”

Jimin takes a long time to respond. He knows Yoongi will be patient. If he’s honest with himself, no, it’s not a lie. None of this is hard. In fact, the second he was willing to accept Jungkook’s offer, the pressure that was forcing him into the ground, like Atlas holding up the sky, was released.

He knows he has a lot to work towards, internally. There’s a lot about his soulmate situation he needs to rationalize. He knows that. He understands Jungkook now, why he did it. Jimin will never forgive Seonjae for putting Jungkook in that situation, on top of all the things he did to Jimin himself.

But he can forgive Jungkook. He can do that.

“It’s not a lie,” Jimin finally answers. “The past is the past.”

Yoongi nods, and together they walk back to the living room, where their friends are having a good time. Jimin sits between Jungkook and Taehyung, snatching the controller to play against Jungkook himself.

Jungkook stares at him, vaguely surprised, so Jimin gives him a sneer. “Prepare to lose.”

And so Jungkook snorts. “You’re on.”

Chapter Text

It was Hoseok who suggested they invite Jungkook to their coffee meetings before class, and so Jimin does. The three of them sit at a booth together, Jimin on one side and the other two across from him. The conversation is casual, with most of the humor and light-hearted atmosphere coming from Hoseok. Jimin is thankful for it, because conversation with Jungkook still comes off as awkward, and on a bad day, forced.

Jimin knows Jungkook is looking at him, like he’s constantly waiting to do something Jimin disapproves of. The fragility of the situation is still there, despite the positive energy over the weekend. Jimin isn’t sure how to address it. Acting like they’re friends is a weird feeling, like it’s too high of a ranking to give him right now. He’s unsure. Maybe he’s still just being subtly bitchy.

Either way, Jimin doesn’t speak as much during the conversation, and when he does, it’s addressed at both Hoseok and Jungkook, instead of just Jungkook.

Jungkook stays with them in class, invited by Hoseok himself, to which Jimin doesn’t object. This is fine.

He’s doing the right thing. Right? He has to be. He’s learning to tolerate the idea of Jungkook being in his friend group more and more.

Jimin is in the middle of a warm-up when Jungkook very softly speaks his name. “Jimin-hyung?”

Jimin turns to him. “Hmm?”

“Do you want to book the studio for tomorrow evening?”

Jimin glances at Hoseok, who shrugs. It’s your situation, don’t look at me, he seems to be saying. Jimin nods. “Yeah, that’s good with me.”

“I’m coming with,” Hoseok throws in. Oh, so now it’s his situation. “Professor Choi wants me to make a judgement about everyone’s pairings.”

Sounds about right. Professor Choi trusts Hoseok’s opinions about her class.

Class ends, and everyone begins filing out. Jimin is lost in his thoughts and jumps when someone abruptly shouts his name. “Park Jimin!”

The three of them turn their heads. Professor Choi is beckoning him over.

He’d forgotten that she wanted to speak to him. Shit.

Jimin turns back to the two of them, slightly panicked. “Wait for me?”

Hoseok and Jungkook nod, and exit. Jimin walks over to her, unnecessarily nervous. He hasn’t done anything wrong, has he? Fucking hell, he even stopped complaining about being Jungkook’s partner.

It’s probably about that. Probably something simple, like “Hey, good job on not killing your partner that you hated last week.”

He bows his head at her in greeting. “Yes?”

Professor Choi looks up at Jimin. She’s a small, lean woman compared to Jimin. Which is saying something, because Jimin isn’t very tall himself. “I have something to discuss with you. About your professional repertoire.”

He swallows hard. “Alright.”

“You’ve yet to do a solo piece for me, as I rarely let first years do. But this year, I’m giving you a solo in the showcase.”

Needless to say, Jimin is shocked. Not about the showcase, he should’ve realized this far into the semester that she was probably gonna mention the showcase, but about a solo. He blinks. “A solo?”

She nods. “Complete creative freedom, as long as it matches the theme.”

“What’s the theme this year?”

“Emotion,” she answers as she gathers her bag. “Particularly towards soulmates.”

Jimin freezes. She’s kidding, right? She’s got to be. Any emotion Jimin could portray won’t be anything good. “I-I, I mean, I’ll try-”

“Good. I have no doubt that you’ll succeed. And this won’t be your only piece, Jimin. Whatever you’re working on with Jeon Jungkook, adjust it to theme. I want you both in the show as well.”

“Why is that?” And it hits Jimin. “Wait, you want me to do two pieces?”

“What, you don’t think you can do it?” she asks, a brow raised in question. That look scares him. That’s the look that says she’ll drag his professional career into the slums.

“I can do it,” Jimin answers with a little more confidence. Because he can, he thinks. Two pieces? A challenge. But not impossible.

He hopes.

“As for why, it’s because I see great potential in both of you. First years typically aren’t in the showcase at all, especially not as solo acts. I let you in last year, and I’m doing the same for Jungkook. So I have utter confidence that the two of you will meet my expectations.” She dips her head towards him. “I’ll see you in class on Wednesday.”

Jimin stands there for more than a minute or so. He takes a deep breath. Two pieces by the end of the semester, choreographed by him. One for himself, one for him and Jungkook.

Who apparently is just as impressive to their professor as he is.

Jimin supposes he should be glad Jungkook is his partner as opposed to his competition.

Outside the studio, Hoseok and Jungkook are waiting, as he asked. Hoseok is the first to question him about the conversation, and why he looks so frazzled by it. “What happened? Good or bad?”

“Depends on the perspective,” Jimin mutters. “Showcase.”

Hoseok frowns at him. “That’s always good news! It’s big that you’ve gotten invited two years in a row!”

“Two pieces. One of them a solo.”

Hoseok stops in his tracks and looks at Jimin like he’s grown a second head. Meanwhile Jungkook just looks confused. “She offered you a solo and you’re acting like it’s bad news?”

“Two pieces! It’s twelve weeks away!” Jimin exclaims. And then he rounds on Jungkook, who he momentarily forgot was part of this issue. “And our piece for class is part of it.”

It’s Jungkook’s turn to look astounded. “Wait, what? I thought freshman couldn’t do the showcase?”

Hoseok snorts and clasps Jimin on the shoulder. “Typically they don’t, but Professor Choi picks great dancers for the showcase, and great dancers only. Jimin did it last year. And frankly I’m not surprised she picked both of you.”

Jimin does feel excited. Of course he does. Doing the showcase is the biggest achievement as a dancer, especially ones as young as Jungkook and himself.

But the piece last year was tough. And he wasn’t even in charge of the choreography. Now, he’s in charge of two.

Jimin looks at Jungkook. “You ready for this?”

“I am if you are.”

Jimin sighs. “Looks like we’re gonna be busy.”

Which is an understatement. Jimin already feels the pressure starting to build in the center of his chest.

***

Jungkook is already sweaty from the exertion of dancing by the time either Jimin or Hoseok show up at the studio the next evening. He’d been here for an hour already, getting in some practice. Mostly just exercise, but some of the basic moves learned in class.

He’s also trying to distract himself from his constantly racing thoughts. University is a step up from high school for sure, but the intensity is still new. He has high expectations on his shoulders already, and while he takes great pride in that, ultimately Jungkook is a bit nervous.

But, he has no doubt that he and Jimin will do good in the showcase. Hopefully. Maybe.

Okay. So he has some doubt.

Jungkook is so absorbed in watching his movements in the large mirrors that the sound of the door opening startles him, throwing off the last half of a move he’d been attempting. Jimin walks in with his bag slung over his shoulder, looking at his phone. He looks up and seems surprised to see Jungkook already practicing on his own. They lock eyes for an awkward amount of time before Jungkook swallows hard and pulls his gaze away.

Every second in Jimin’s presence makes his heart race, and not in any good way. He’s fearful of Jimin’s disapproval suddenly coming back and forcing him back out of his life. And Jungkook supposes he wouldn’t blame Jimin if he decides that. Jungkook isn’t particularly fond of himself either.

Jimin drops his bag by the mirrors and launches into some arm stretches. “Hyung will be here in a few minutes.”

“Alright,” Jungkook replies, trying to focus on his form in the mirror. He and Jimin have danced in class together, of course, but never really danced together. The idea is both thrilling and terrifying. It’s an intimate thing, to dance with someone, in Jungkook’s opinion. Sharing this language, this passion, with Jimin is something that matters a lot to him, considering everything that has happened.

Considering that Jimin is his soulmate.

They’re both silent until Hoseok arrives maybe five minutes later, bursting into the room with a happy greeting and too much energy. Jimin and Jungkook greet him in return like two half-tired students.

Once the three of them are properly warmed up and ready for movement, Hoseok jumps right into it. He claps his hands together. “Professor wants me to evaluate your styles together. Kook-ah, I’ve never really seen your solo stuff. I want to see your best piece.”

Jungkook swallows and looks quickly at Jimin. Why is he so nervous? Instead of speaking, he grabs his phone, plugs it into the speaker, and chooses a song that he loves to dance to, one of the first pieces he ever learned before he stopped dancing for a few years.

As the music starts playing, he starts to loosen up. He shakes his hands to get rid of the last of the nerves, and then begins to move.

Yes, having both of his friends – or, he supposes, his friend and Jimin – watch him makes him incredibly self-conscious, but he can trust their judgement.

And then, much to his surprise, Jimin hops in, falling right into the same moves as Jungkook. They lock eyes in the mirror.

And Jimin smiles at him. Jimin smiles, and Jungkook feels suddenly light on his feet. Everything feels light, because he’s dancing, and dancing with Jimin, and Jimin is smiling at him. It’s exhilarating.

They fall into a groove after that, finishing out that song together, and then picking one from Jimin’s phone, and going between a few songs before they’re both out of breath and sweating buckets. The entire time, Hoseok keeps a trained eye on the two of them, watching wordlessly, observing.

Actually, he seems more amazed than anything, mouth agape and eyes wide. “Wow. You guys have incredible chemistry when dancing together. Like, insanely so.”

Jungkook feels his cheeks heat up and tries not to make it obvious how squeamish the comment makes him feel. Jimin shows no reaction at all.

Hoseok hops to his feet. “Kook, you move very sharply. You have some hella strict control of your movements and your transitions into other movements.”

“That’s…good?”

“I think it’s great!” Jungkook beams at Hoseok’s praise, perhaps a little too much. “If you wanted to improve on smoother motions, that’s what I’d suggest, but that doesn’t mean your style right now doesn’t work for you. Jimin-ah, I already knew you moved like that. You like smoother moves, but you’re really good at those sharp ones too. They blend together. Honestly, you both are a really nice contrast to each other. And it works well together.”

Jungkook dares to look at Jimin after that, and he sees Jimin already staring at him. Jungkook’s heart flutters in his chest, and for what reason? Because he has a crush like a middle schooler?

Or because Jimin’s cheeks lit up ever so slightly red when Hoseok said they work well together?

Jungkook is the first to look away.

Hoseok apparently doesn’t notice either of them looking uncomfortable. He rises to his feet. “Well, I’m gonna head out, unless you guys need any help with your routine.”

Jimin shakes his head. “No, we’ve got a plan, but thanks hyung.”

“Keep me in the loop!” And then Hoseok leaves Jungkook and Jimin alone.

They’ve been alone before. When they first discussed their plan. That doesn’t mean this is easier, if only because Jungkook knows the way Jimin acts with him alone is different than when they’re with their friends. Because around their friends, Jimin can buffer the attention onto someone else. Now?

Now Jungkook is aware of the “not friends” label.

Jimin cracks his knuckles and sighs. “I guess we should work on our original plan, since we have to do the showcase now. I had a couple moves I’ve been wanting to try to find a choreo for, if you wanted to work with those?”

Jungkook nods wordlessly, willing to follow Jimin’s lead.

Jimin nods in return and brings up the assigned background music for their piece. Jungkook had fallen in love with the instrumental when he first heard it, and he supposes that’s good. Because who wants to dance to a sound they don’t appreciate?

Jimin begins moving, awkwardly at first, as he finds the right beats of the music to match the movements in his mind, but then. Gracefully. Like he’s been moving this way his whole life.

For all Jungkook knows, he could’ve been.

Jungkook watches as Jimin loses track of everything around him as he watches his form in the mirrors, periodically going back to the same section of music to perfect the move that already seems perfect to Jungkook. There’s something that Jimin isn’t liking about the end movement.

Jungkook steps forward before he thinks better of it. He’d been watching long enough to pick up the basic steps, and he tries something different at the end. Not so much a different step, just a different emotion to the step.

And it just. Fits. Jimin stops and stares at him, breathing ever so slightly heavier, as if all this dancing was barely a workout to him. He copies the move, and they both repeat it, master it, and it just works.

Jungkook realizes then. Talking to Jimin and being Jimin’s not-friend is difficult. He doesn’t know where to step, what moves to make. He doesn’t know the choreography of earning Jimin’s trust and friendship.

But he can talk to him through dance. Jimin can hear him this way. They can speak.

Jungkook clears his throat. “I have something we could add.”

Jimin simply continues to stare at him. “Show me,” he says softly.

And so, they dance, and this conversation lasts for hours.

***

Yoongi calls him out on his bullshit about a week later.

“I’ll see you after class today?” Yoongi asks as he packs his bag for his morning classes. He doesn’t even sit down for breakfast this morning, choosing to grab an apple instead.

Jungkook shovels his waffle into his mouth as he shakes his head. “Probably not until late. I’ll be at the studio again tonight.” Yoongi purses his lips at him, much to Jungkook’s confusion. Jungkook blinks. “What?”

“You’ve been in the studio like every night this week.”

He shrugs. “I just want to do good on this assignment. I’ve got a lot to prove.”

“To who?”

“Myself.”

“To Jimin.”

Jungkook frowns at him. “My career is important to me, you know.”

“Simp.”

He chokes on his breakfast and his face warms. A bit extreme, in Jungkook’s opinion. “Says you! You’re the one who’s all stone cold and brooding, and then a clingy puppy when Taehyung’s around!”

Yoongi cackles on his way out the door. Jungkook is tempted to throw his waffle at the back of Yoongi’s head. Instead he sulks.

But needless to say, he goes all day excited about dancing with Jimin later, as he has done every day this week. And when evening comes, he walks to the studio with a bounce in his step.

Like a simp. Goddamn it.

Jimin is already there, in the middle of the routine that they’ve been fleshing out, staring pointedly at his figure in the mirror. Jungkook wouldn’t be surprised if Jimin didn’t even notice his entrance.

But something looks a bit off, even from this distance. And when Jungkook gets closer, he sees it even more. Jimin looks exhausted.

“Hey, hyung,” he says as he sits his bag down and grabs a drink from his water bottle.

Jimin stops his movements, but only meets Jungkook’s eyes in the mirror. “Hey.”

“Are you alright?” Jungkook asks. He stretches his arms over his head and rotates his neck until it cracks.

“Just tired.”

“We can skip practice tonight if you want? I think-”

“No,” Jimin interrupts him, running a hand through his sweaty hair. “I need to practice.”

“But we have time,” Jungkook protests, noticing the extra dark bags under his eyes. “Jimin, you look exhausted-”

“I said I’m fine,” he snaps out.

Jungkook’s mouth shuts. He looks at his feet, feeling an uncomfortable pain in his chest. Maybe he overstepped. Maybe it’s not yet, nor ever will be, his place to be concerned about how tired Jimin looks.

“I’m sorry, Jungkook-ah,” Jimin says after a second. Jungkook is still not sure if he should look up at him. He hates how sensitive and fragile this relationship is between the two of them, but he understands. He just wishes it was okay to treat Jimin like a friend. He wishes that wasn’t overstepping a boundary. How can he not treat Jimin like a friend? Jimin touches Jungkook’s wrist, and that causes him to jerk his eyes up. “I’m sorry. I’m just stressed about having two pieces to work on.”

Jungkook swallows painfully. He hadn’t realized his throat became so dry. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

The small smile Jimin offers him isn’t the biggest comfort. “I appreciate the offer. Let’s keep practicing, yeah?”

Jungkook smiles back, even smaller than Jimin’s. “Yeah. We got this.”

The exhaustion doesn’t leave Jimin’s eyes, Jungkook notices.

***

Taehyung looks at Yoongi from his upside-down position over the edge of hyung’s bed. Yoongi sits at his desk, sideways to Taehyung, working on a mixing assignment for his music class. He’s deep in concentration and has been for about an hour. Taehyung decides Yoongi needs a break, because he’s been working for hours, and Taehyung wants attention, so he lowers his book, and says, “My love.”

Yoongi pulls a headphone away from his ear and peeks at Taehyung over his shoulder. “Hmm?”

“Have you seen Jungkook lately?”

Yoongi snorts and pulls the band of his headphones around his neck. “Hardly. He’s at the studio nearly every evening.”

Taehyung hums.

“Why? Have you seen Jimin?”

“Jimin’s barely been home more than five minutes, and he forgot about our weekly Friday night anime sessions last week.”

“Are you guys fighting?”

Taehyung sits upright in Yoongi’s bed and moves to lay down. The blood rushes back down to the rest of his body, making him a little lightheaded. He closes the book he was reading and pats the space beside him. Yoongi wordlessly comes over and lays down, where Taehyung cuddles close to him and nudges his hand for head pets. “We’re not fighting. I just think he’s stressing out about his classes and the showcase thingy he does every year. I just worry about him.”

Yoongi threads his fingers through Taehyung’s hair and Taehyung’s eyes drift shut. “We can check on them tomorrow? If you want? I’d do it tonight, but I have to work on this project.”

Taehyung feels himself falling asleep, but he nods. “I’d like that.”

Yoongi continues to pet his hair until he drifts into unconsciousness, but just before he does, he feels Yoongi ever so hesitantly lean down and press a soft kiss to his forehead. They haven’t kissed more than once or twice since that first time, and Taehyung is perfectly fine with that. Yoongi likes to take things slow, and while signs of affection he’s willing to give constantly, bigger signs of intimacy are special to him.

Taehyung probably smiles in his sleep. He’s really smitten for this boy.

***

The weather starts to cool down enough that Jimin bundles a bit more in the evenings. Winter is, in fact, coming. As he walks through campus, he shivers under his sweater, and bunches his sleeves around his hands.

Jimin walks in a daze, his mind racing in so many directions, with his gaze down at the path in front of him. One foot in front of the other, he walks in the direction of the studio, yet again, for the millionth time this week. He sighs to himself, knowing full well that the idea of going to practice isn’t exciting today.

Jimin knows he needs a break. He knows what he’s doing to himself. But he can’t turn off the burning desire to keep going until he thinks the routines are perfect.

He passes through the music hall as a shortcut to the studios on the other side of the campus, as he does nearly every day. He reaches for the handle to exit when he hears something. Something that’s oddly familiar and strangely foreign at the same time.

Someone singing.

Jimin tries to grab the handle. He tries to move forward. But something pulls him towards the voice. It’s almost frustrating. No, it is frustrating, because Jimin has never stopped to ponder anyone’s singing in the music building before, he just breezes through it so he doesn’t have to walk around the entire building, and suddenly he’s following the sound of something that makes his heart pound.

It’s.

It’s Jungkook. Jungkook is singing.

His heart doesn’t quit pounding, goddamn it. Jimin walks up to the door to a smaller studio room. It’s cracked, and that’s why the sound is escaping. He gently eases the door open and sees Jungkook’s profile and hands as he holds headphones to his ears, singing his heart out into a mic. He doesn’t hear the music Jungkook is singing to, but he doesn’t need to. Doesn’t even want to, because this sound is amazing as it is. Jimin stares in something close to awe, maybe even shock, and closes the door behind him.

It makes a loud click.

Jungkook peaks over, not disturbed at all that someone came in, until he realizes that it’s Jimin. Then, his eyes grow comically wide and his voice cracks. He coughs, reverberating it into the microphone before quickly removing the headphones.

Jimin has him frazzled. It’s enough to put a smirk on his lips. But only to hide his own disbelief at what he just heard. “I didn’t know you could sing.”

Jungkook’s cheeks are flushed red. He scrambles backwards and bumps into the microphone stand, knocking over the headphones he had just been wearing. He awkwardly picks them up and clutches them in both hands. His eyes are cast down.

Wow. What an adorable disaster this kid is.

Jimin finds his smirk softening into a smile. “It sounded beautiful, Jungkook-ah.”

Jungkook’s gaze find his. And Jimin, leaning against the door, finds it hard to look away from his big doe eyes. He’s shy, and it’s unnecessarily cute. “I’m. I’m also a vocal major.”

“Well, it seems like you sing just as well as you dance,” Jimin says. “Pretty damn good.”

“Did Park Jimin really just compliment me on not one, but two of my skills?”

Jimin grins. He likes when Jungkook starts to feel comfortable. It’s less tense. “I might’ve, but no one will believe you if you say.”

Jungkook smiles at him, a big toothy grin. “Are you heading to practice?”

“I am.”

“Do you want-” Jungkook suddenly gets nervous again, shuffling his feet. But he pulls himself out of it nearly as quickly as he fell into it. “Do you want to stay for a bit? Here with me? I only have another half an hour of required vocal practice.”

Jimin feels that pitter-patter of his heart fluttering in his chest again. He ignores it. He knows he needs to practice, he knows he needs to be in the studio. But the hopeful expression on Jungkook’s face makes him say, “Only if you keep singing like you were.”

Jungkook’s eyes light up like a Christmas tree. He slides the headphones back over his head, adjusting it so one ear can hear if Jimin says anything to him.

And Jimin realizes then. He actually likes Jungkook. Not for the sake of “moving on” or whatever, not to maintain peace. He enjoys being in Jungkook’s company more and more each day.

Jimin just likes Jungkook. It’s not at all as hard as he thought it’d be.

***

Jungkook feels light on his feet by the time he gets his vocal warmups done. He started out shy, knowing Jimin was sitting there listening to him, but something about the look on Jimin’s face made him feel like he was safe. Like he could sing his soul and Jimin wouldn’t judge who he is as a person.

So Jungkook sings for Jimin. And he sings true, some feelings that he probably shouldn’t hint at quite yet, even through song. Jimin claps for him when he completes a song, and Jungkook just giggles. He can’t help it.

They both head to the studio together when Jungkook wraps up and logs his practice hours. Jungkook does notice that Jimin still looks tired, but less so than last week. He supposes that’s better than nothing.

After about ten minutes of stretching and light conversation about their day, Jimin starts the music and begins explaining a move that he thought of over the weekend. He shows it to Jungkook, and Jungkook copies him after the third time, and Jimin laughs at his struggles on the first attempt.

But it works. This works for them.

They practice sincerely for about an hour, and Jungkook can see Jimin’s growing unease.

He understands. Jimin’s putting a lot of stress on himself to get these moves right. Jungkook doesn’t know a lot about the principles of choreographing yet – that’s actually one of his current classes – but he wishes he could do more to help Jimin plan this out. All he can do is show some moves here and there and offer his opinion.

Out of nowhere, Jungkook takes Jimin’s hand, in such a way that it surprises both of them. Jungkook swirls Jimin around, until he twirls – how the fuck does he spin that gracefully? – right into Jungkook’s arms, where he dips him.

Jimin bursts out laughing as Jungkook lifts him back up, previous signs of unease temporarily gone. Jungkook notices that Jimin has a crooked front tooth in that pretty smile of his. His heartbeat stutters.

I really am falling for him.

That’s a lie. Jungkook has 100% already fallen completely in love with Jimin, and he knows that. Everyone knows that. He’s not subtle.

They poke fun at each other a bit longer, with Jimin giggling and Jungkook being a dipshit to make Jimin giggle even more. His dignity is on the line just for a couple of smiles.

The door opens, making both of them jump, but it’s two familiar faces. Taehyung and Yoongi both walk into the studio.

Jimin takes a step back from Jungkook. It’s enough to make Jungkook realize that perhaps they’d been interacting more playfully than two people who couldn’t even consider themselves “friends” yet.

Yeah. He isn’t subtle at all.

Taehyung, naturally, launches himself at Jimin, who catches him in a hug. And suddenly they’re both yelling and jumping like idiots.

Meanwhile Yoongi just extends his hand in a fist bump, which Jungkook casually returns.

“I feel like I haven’t seen you guys in forever,” Taehyung whines. “So I made Yoongi come with me to visit.”

Jimin is excited to see Taehyung, Jungkook can tell, but there’s also the pressing concern that he needs to practice. How is that so clear on his face? Jimin needs to take breaks, and to relax, and there’s no better way to do it than with his friends, but how is he just so easy to read?

Jimin is just so. Nonstop. Constantly moving, constantly trying to push himself further than he probably should. Jungkook is slowly learning that about him.

God, Yoongi’s right. I’m just a fucking simp.

When Jungkook feels like he’s been staring for way too long, he turns his attention to Yoongi, who raises an eyebrow. Ah. He’s been caught.

Oops.

Jungkook punches his shoulder. He fakes pain, wincing and moving away from Jungkook. “Jimin-ah, show me the music track you guys are working with. Jungkook’s being mean to me.”

Jungkook has to resist the urge to stick his tongue out at Yoongi like a five-year-old.

While Yoongi is talking to Jimin over by the speaker, Taehyung suddenly grabs Jungkook’s arm and pulls him to the side. “You.”

“Me?”

“You,” Taehyung repeats.

“What did I do?”

“Nothing. I just want you to watch out for Jimin, since he’s spending so much time here with you. He has a tendency to wear himself out to the point of breaking. Try to make sure he doesn’t.” He’s not sure if he’s ever heard Taehyung talk so sternly, and that’s coming from the person who got screamed at by him.

“I’ll watch out for him, hyung,” Jungkook says earnestly, sneaking a peak at Jimin and his tired eyes and slumped shoulders. “I won’t let anything happen to him.”

Chapter Text

It takes Jimin a ridiculously large amount of effort to pull himself out of bed for his Friday morning shift at work. He almost falls over as he stands up, his legs wobbly and head spinning from the exertion of simply existing.

It’s not that he doesn’t try to sleep. Sure, he’s sleeping later at night, staying at the studio late, but he’s trying. Something just isn’t letting him rest well. He mentioned it to Dr. Lee this week, and of course, she thinks it’s stress. He knows it’s stress. He can’t help that.

When Jimin brushes his teeth, he spends too much time eyeing his arms and stomach. It takes a while to avert his eyes, but he does. He tries not to dwell on it.

Namjoon-hyung is already at the library when Jimin arrives in a barely functioning daze, happily humming under his breath and dangerously carrying a stack of books. Jimin hopes he doesn’t drop them, because he sure isn’t alert enough this morning to be able to save them.

Not that Namjoon is a constant klutz. He’s just. Kind of klutzy. Constantly.

“Morning,” Namjoon grunts under the weight of the books. He sets them down on the counter with a thud, only just barely catching the top as it slides off.

Jimin bows his head politely. “Morning, hyung.”

“You look awful,” Namjoon says blatantly, frowning.

Jimin blinks at him. He’s glad to know his appearance makes it obvious that he’s struggling. “Wow, tell me how you really feel.”

“You know I don’t mean it that way,” he says. “All of us are concerned about you. We’ve barely seen you lately.”

“You see me every day, I work with you.”

Namjoon gives him a look that says Don’t be difficult.

Jimin sighs aggressively. Namjoon is right, he knows that. “I’m sorry, I’ve just been super busy and it’s stressing me out.”

Namjoon purses his lips together and peers over Jimin’s shoulder around the library. He bites the inside of his jaw. “Look, it’s slow right now, and it’s gonna be slow all day. Why don’t you take the day off and relax? Catch up on sleep.”

“I can work, hyung.”

“I’m your supervisor.”

Jimin starts to protest, but Namjoon holds up a hand. Jimin almost starts to pout, but then-

“I think that’s a great idea.”

Jimin spins around and sees Jungkook standing at the front counter. The corner of his lips quirk up in a small smile, and he holds a large white coffee cup in his hand. Which he then extends towards Jimin. “Liquid awake.”

“I’m completely capable of working, why are we questioning this?” Jimin is grateful for the coffee. Not so much about Jungkook siding with Namjoon. He gently takes the cup from Jungkook. “Thanks, Kook-ah.”

“Go home,” Namjoon says firmly, pointing to the door. “I’ll see you back here next week, and no sooner.”

Wordless and shocked, Jimin does as he’s told. Namjoon’s his hyung. Whatever he asks of him, it’s rude of Jimin to argue. But boy did he want to argue.

“Do you want to go on a walk?” Jimin asks Jungkook. Now that Jimin is awake and out of bed, he dreads the thought of going back to sleep. And why bother, now that he has a cup of liquid awake?

“I’ll walk with you to your apartment,” Jungkook answers, “where you can take a nap or relax.”

Jimin glares at him – what right does the maknae have to boss him around? –  but nonetheless accepts. The two of them walk in the direction of Jimin’s apartment. They aren’t completely silent for once, though. Jungkook asks Jimin how he slept, which catches him off guard, but he answers honestly. Jimin sips slowly from his coffee, savoring the warmth around his cold hands. “I slept like complete garbage.”

“Insomnia or stress?”

“A little bit of both, I guess. Stress right now, but I always sleep like garbage.”

Jungkook huffs out a scoff. “I can relate to that.”

Jimin hands him the cup. “You need some liquid awake?”

He wants to laugh as Jungkook fails to hide the blatant disgust. “Not that shit, thank you very much.”

“How do you even drink your coffee, then? With twelve packets of sugar?”

“With a little more taste than burnt dirt!”

“It’s not burnt dirt, coffee is coffee!”

“That’s just incorrect, have you tried an americano versus a latte? Big difference.”

Jimin giggles and playfully nudges Jungkook’s shoulder, and Jungkook smiles at him with that ridiculous bunny smile. They make it to Jimin’s apartment within ten quick minutes. And then it looks like Jungkook is about to lean in for a hug.

But he stops himself short and jerks back in a hurry, when he realizes what he’s doing. His cheeks immediately flush red, and he darts his eyes to his feet. “I-I’m sorry, it’s my parting habit for my friends. I’m sorry.”

Aw, Jungkook hugs his friends goodbye, Jimin thinks to himself.

Jimin throws his available arm, the one not holding hot coffee, around Jungkook’s shoulders and draws him in. It’s a tender thing, one Jungkook seems very scared to return, but then he does. When Jimin pulls back, he extends a hand. “Friends?”

Jungkook blinks at the offering, and for one hot second, Jimin thinks maybe he’s going to deny. But then he grabs and shakes, very gently, like it’s a delicate flower that can’t be approached with any more enthusiasm lest it wilt. “Friends.”

Jimin opens his door and walks in. “Thanks again for the burnt dirt, Jungkookie.”

“You’re welcome. Go take a nap.”

Jimin flips him off. “I change my mind, we’re not friends anymore.”

The door shuts behind him to the sound of Jungkook’s laughter.

Needless to say, as Jimin makes his way to his room and undresses into something more comfortable, he feels the weight of being tired pull on his eyelids. But as soon as he lays down, he just can’t get comfortable. So he continues to lay there, wide awake but tired as fuck, and can’t fall asleep no matter what.

He sighs. This sucks.

Well, he tried. He may as well go be productive instead, since Namjoon so rudely won’t let him work today.

***

Jungkook didn’t really give Yoongi much of a warning as he barrels into the apartment in a bit of a daze. It startles the living hell out of Yoongi, who had calmly been reading at the kitchen table, to the point that he jumps to his feet. “What the fuck? Are you being murdered? Is someone chasing you?”

“We’re friends!” Jungkook blurts out.

“I know we’re friends, Jungkook, otherwise I wouldn’t fucking let you live in my apartment.”

“No, hyung,” Jungkook tries again, “Jimin said we’re friends.”

Yoongi doesn’t say anything for a minute and simply stares Jungkook down. He doesn’t even blink. “What a lovestruck puppy.” And then he takes his seat at the table.

“Do you know how much this means to me?”

“Of course I do. My statement still stands correct, does it not?” Jungkook is still grinning widely at Yoongi like he’s just won a massive award, which to him he really did, and Yoongi just laughs at him. “I’m glad, Kook-ah, I really am.”

After that, the rest of the day and evening passes by with Yoongi in the living room blaring music because he calls that “studying the beat” and Jungkook locked in his bedroom because studying the beat doesn’t help him write this research paper for his common core classes. It’s due soon, and he may have forgotten about its existence.

Still, it does nothing to his happy mood as he spends hours working on it.

He’s so absorbed in the writing that the ding from a text message on his phone scares him. He looks at the notification bar on his lockscreen. It’s from Taehyung. Jungkook looks at his clock and sees that it’s well after 10.

Damn, okay then. He needs some ramen as soon as possible, because his stomach is angry.

TaeTae<3 [22:49] hey kookjung

He’s not sure where the nickname came from or why it exists, but Jungkook has long since learned that Taehyung is an interesting force to be reckoned with and mustn’t be questioned.

KookieMonster [22:50] hyungtae

TaeTae<3 [22:51] is jimin with you rn?

Jungkook frowns. Is Jimin not at home? Granted, it’s been quite a few hours, but the question leaves him uneasy.

KookieMonster [22:51] no I haven’t seen him since this morning

TaeTae<3 [22:52] :/

TaeTae<3 [22:52] yeah same, he hasn’t even answered my texts

Jungkook feels his stomach flip, in a way that he knows means something is probably wrong. A gut instinct.

KookieMonster [22:53] im going to the studio rn

Jungkook doesn’t wait for a response. He doesn’t grab his jacket, or even his keys. He just runs past Yoongi, who barely has time to question it, and races across campus.

***

Jimin’s eyes blur as he moves, his form fuzzy and messy in the mirror. To say he’s frustrated feels four shades too low for his current mood as he fumbles his way through his solo piece that for the life of him he can’t get right.

And he hasn’t been able to get it right for weeks, despite how hard he tries, and he’s flipping out. This is a big responsibility and opportunity and he’s just going to fuck it all up. He’s sweaty, his head is pounding, and he’s been here for hours, but his goddamn body just won’t fucking move correctly.

He could cry. He might cry. One more incorrect move or incomplete verse in the song and he’s absolutely going to cry.

And needless to say, that very thing happens, his move is clipped, his foot catches, and he falls, banging his knee on the wood before completely landing on his back.

Jimin lets out a yell and slams his fists into the ground. He’s panting, chest aching, back aching, legs aching. He’s failing.

A fucking failure.

“Jimin?”

He turns his head to see Jungkook standing in the corner by the door. Jungkook, who probably witnessed this goddamn mess. Jimin drags himself to his feet, feeling shame burn throughout his body. This isn’t how the kid should see his mentor. “What are you doing here?”

The worried, scared look in Jungkook’s eyes angers him. There’s no reason to worry, why is everyone on his ass? “I just came to check on you.”

“I’m fine,” Jimin responds, wiping sweat off his forehead and wincing slightly as he put pressure on his knee that’s for sure going to bruise. Whatever. He’s danced with worse injuries. He continues to suck in breaths, like his lungs aren’t getting any, which sure feels accurate right now.

Fuck, his head was killing him, and he did want to stop, but he needs to nail this move.

“Do you want to work on our piece for a bit instead? This one seems to be challenging right now,” Jungkook asks.

“Jungkook, I’m fine!” Jimin snaps. He presses a finger to his temples and tries to calm down. His hands are trembling, and he’s starting to realize why he can’t breathe. Regardless, Jimin shakes it off. “Sorry, I just didn’t expect you here right now.”

“Neither did I. Aren’t you supposed to be resting?”

Jimin stares at Jungkook. What fucking nerve this kid has. “Is it your goal to bother me constantly? Is this your purpose in life?”

Jungkook marches over to the speaker and yanks Jimin’s phone from the plug in, cutting off the music source. “Yes. Dance with me.”

Jimin’s too astounded at his boldness to even argue at this point. Jungkook takes the lead as he starts the moves, slowly, hearing the beat of the music in his head.

And. And he intentionally messes up. Enough that it’s clearly on purpose, so Jimin can correct him. Which he does, because that’s his job, but he’s not blind to Jungkook’s annoyingly endearing tactic. “Are you not going to take this seriously?”

Jungkook lands on point. “Do you really want to take it seriously? How long have you been here?”

Jimin ignores the question and plugs in his phone again, starting the music at full speed. “We do it right or we keep going until it’s done.”

Jungkook doesn’t look happy, but they run through the choreography regardless. Jimin’s body aches, absolutely aches, but he’s going to complete this. Yes, there are mistakes, but he angrily pushes through them until the music stops, and Jungkook stops, and just.

Everything stops. Jimin can hardly breathe, or see, or stand, and he thinks maybe he should sit down –

***

Jungkook barely stops Jimin’s head from hitting the floor. Barely. He catches him at an awkward angle, where he has to lower Jimin to the ground on his stomach because there’s no way, in his position, he can recover gracefully enough to be lowered on his back.

Jungkook runs to the back of the studio where he can find a towel, and he soaks it with cool water. Jimin only stirs when Jungkook props him up against his shoulder and presses it to his neck. His eyes flutter open, very weakly. Jungkook clasps Jimin’s hand around a water bottle and encourages him to drink it, which, God bless, he does.

It takes Jimin a long, long couple of minutes before he fully comes to, after sipping on the water and after Jungkook holds the cold compress to his neck. Jimin is able to sit up without leaning against Jungkook after a few more minutes, and then finally, he stands up.

And then he dares to say, “I’m alright. I can keep going.”

Now, Jungkook is angry, and he yells, “Excuse me? No, you are not going to keep going, what the fuck?”

Jimin looks at him blankly, too tired to even look annoyed at him. “You’re not my boss, Jungkook.”

“Jimin, you can’t keep going. Do you not see how far you’re pushing? You’re hurting yourself!”

“It’s not your place to care!” Jimin yells back.

“It’s not your place to dictate how much I care about you!” Jungkook doesn’t mean to shout so much. He’s just so concerned, and his heart is rioting in his chest right now. But just as quickly as he was to yell, his voice drops. “I care about you a lot, Jimin. Stop this, please.”

“But I need to get it right,” Jimin whispers, his throat dry and scratchy. “I need to, it’s so soon.”

“You won’t. Not like this. Not by doing this to yourself.”

And then. And then Jimin just. He loses it. Loses control of the strength he keeps pretending he still has right now, loses control of the tears he’d been holding back the entire time. Jungkook can see it all fall apart on his face.

Jimin reaches out, reaches out his arms, and Jungkook is moving towards them before he even realizes it, and Jimin cries against his chest. Jungkook’s heart hurts, and he just holds onto him for as long as Jimin wants. When he’s a bit calmer, Jungkook pulls back and grabs him by the shoulders. “I’ll help you, hyung. You helped me with our piece, and I can help you with yours.”

“But it’s not your responsibility,” he says, voice rough.

“I’m your partner, it may not be my piece, but it’s my job to help. So, I’m helping you. And we can divide up milestones we need to be at before the day of the showcase, alright? We’ll make a plan, together, just like we’ve been doing for ours. No one said you needed to do this alone.”

“Together,” Jimin echoes, leaning his head back down on Jungkook’s shoulder. “Thank you.”

“Come on, let’s go watch some anime, yeah? And eat, when was the last time you ate?”

Jimin looks guilty. “I had coffee.”

“Oh my – okay, we’re getting food.”

They both gather their bags, Jimin a bit more shaky than Jungkook would like – god, he needs food in him, for fuck’s sake, no wonder he collapsed – but is starting to look less burdened already.

As they’re walking out, Jungkook shoots a text to Taehyung.

KookieMonster [24:38] we’re heading ur way, prepare the anime

TaeTae<3 [24:39] bet, already on it

Chapter Text

Jimin pretended all last night that he was slightly begrudging when it came to being babied by Jungkook and Taehyung, but honestly some part of him thrived. It felt nice, knowing his friends cared that much.

And they both let him explain himself, of course, instead of scolding him. He unloaded a lot that was on his chest about the piece, about stress, about some unreasonable expectation he set for himself, and Jungkook even helped flesh it out way more than he was able to on his own. They even got Hoseok’s opinion on it, and he agreed to join them in the studio to help, insisting, “Jimin, you didn’t have to kill yourself first just to get me to help you, goddamn it.”

So needless to say, last night was much needed, and he can’t express how much better he felt.

He’s an idiot. He’s really just an unnecessarily dumb bitch.

Jimin doesn’t work on the weekends, and he promised his friends he would relax instead, but he’s already bored come Saturday morning. There aren’t many assignments he should be working on right now, so he merely sits on his couch and watches television. Taehyung has a date with Yoongi, otherwise both of them would probably be lounging on the couch right now.

Jimin is considering texting Jungkook and asking if he wants to play videogames, because the shows he is currently flicking through are nothing but reruns, but just as he begins to entertain the thought, his phone goes off with a text notification.

Jungkookie Wookie [12:14] you. me. lunch. half an hour.

ChimChim<3 [12:15] that’s an interesting way to ask someone on a date. 4/10 at best.

Jungkookie Wookie [12:16] ashsfkshdjf shush, do u wanna get lunch with me after my shift?

ChimChim<3 [12:17] ofc, where at?

Jungkookie Wookie [12:17] that one place beside the music hall, the one with good ramyeon

ChimChim<3 [12:19] alright, I’ll meet u there

Jungkookie Wookie [12:19] lit

ChimChim<3 [12:21] as long as you never say that ever again

***

Jungkook usually isn’t in a hurry to leave the flower shop where he works, especially since Mimi enjoys talking to him. He reminds her of her grandson she never gets to see, since her family relationship is strained and they live in the United States. But, as she knows, he wants to go eat lunch – “No, it’s not a date, why are you both like this” – with Jimin, and she all but shoos him out of the shop.

“See you tomorrow, Mimi!” Jungkook yells to her on his way out. He clocked out half an hour ago, but he did at least want to help clean up. He would’ve stayed longer, but she wasn’t having it.

“You should take the boy some flowers!” she shouts back, waving a finger at him.

“It’s not a date!” Jungkook blushes. Strangely enough, Mimi knows his whole life story at this point. He bonded with her almost as soon as he moved in with Yoongi, when he was at a low point, and she’s been very supportive. She’s rooting for him, he knows that. But flowers are a bit much, especially since this is not a date. Like, how dare either of them assume Jungkook is that confident.  “Maybe another time.”

She huffs at him as the door shuts behind him, and he races down the street to the restaurant he’s meeting Jimin at. He chose it mostly because it’s ridiculously cheap for a filling meal, and also he’d been craving ramyeon all morning. When he walks through the front door, signaling the ding of a bell, he sees Jimin already occupying a booth, drumming his fingers on a menu and scrolling through his phone. He smiles as Jungkook approaches him, a smile that of course makes his heart do that annoying little double skip and flutter.

“Hey, Jungkookie,” Jimin says, sliding a menu across the table to him. Jungkook takes a seat and regards how Jimin’s brows furrow. He sniffs. “You smell like flowers.”

Jungkook’s face flushes warm at the sudden statement. He likely does; the sickly-sweet fragrance often clings to his clothes and hair after being emerged in it all day. Not that he ever notices, but he didn’t think about other people being able to smell it. And he supposes he could smell worse. “Ah, yeah. I work in a flower shop.”

“You do?” Jimin asks. “That’s adorable. I never would’ve guessed.”

He tries not to focus too much on the word “adorable” and ultimately does not succeed. He called me adorable. Holy shit, say something clever. “Never would’ve guessed that an awesome bad boy like me would work in a flower shop?” Not clever, what the actual fuck.

Jimin giggles at him. “Bad boy, huh?”

“Damn right.” Jungkook flexes his bicep, earning another laugh from Jimin. Fucking hell, he’ll really do anything at the expense of his pride just to make Jimin laugh. “How are you feeling today?”

“Much better, honestly.” Jimin gives him a look. One that seems incredibly vulnerable to him, but one Jungkook can’t quite decipher. “Thank you. For you know, talking some sense into me. You’re a good friend.”

Friend. Jimin throws around the word so casually now. “Anytime you need, I’ll be here.”

The conversation flows naturally after that, as they eat and share their food, and they end up sitting at that booth for hours.

***

It continues for a week, and then the next week, and soon, it’s a daily habit for Jimin to grab some lunch, or breakfast, or coffee, something, with Jungkook.

It’s Jimin’s favorite time of the day, truth be told. And, if he could be so bold to say, maybe Jungkook’s too.

***

The evenings are getting darker and cooler much quicker the further into the semester they go. The subtle threat of final examinations and projects are creeping up on everyone from about a month away.

And that means the showcase is creeping up too.

Jungkook is thinking of this as he finishes up dinner for the evening. By himself tonight, as Yoongi is only just now on his way home from his late Friday night shift. Normally he’d be with Jimin – he’s usually hanging out with Jimin these days – but they both had homework to catch up on.

Jungkook is already in his room, about to settle down for bed, when Yoongi does come home. He doesn’t react to it immediately, giving his hyung some space before he steps out to tell him goodnight, but it’s Yoongi who barges into his room, startling the shit out of him. “Hyung?”

“Good, you’re home finally,” is all he says at first.

Jungkook is puzzled. “What are you, my mother? And you’re the one who just got home late, what the fuck do you mean.”

He ignores that. “Normally you’re with Jimin.”

“Normally you’re with Taehyung.”

“Touché.” Yoongi walks over to Jungkook’s dresser and grabs the pill bottle sitting there. Which he shakes kind of aggressively. “When was the last time you actually took these?”

To say Jungkook expected this wasn’t 100% a lie, but it also wasn’t something he’d been prepared to discuss right now. And he’s also not going to lie to Yoongi, regardless of the shame that burns his face and makes his stomach full of dinner churn. “A while.”

Yoongi doesn’t say anything at all; he just stares at Jungkook and blinks, and that says enough. Sometimes he wishes Yoongi would get mad about things and yell, instead of just making him think about his consequences on his own. He’s good at that.

Jungkook sighs and runs his hands through his hair. “Look, they aren’t working, alright? They just aren’t. I don’t know what my dumbass therapist thinks he’s doing, but this isn’t working for me. It makes bad thoughts worse and makes me exhausted all the time, and I just can’t take them, hyung.”

“Have you talked to him about this?”

Jungkook scoffs and shakes his head. “I have. And he doesn’t listen. He insists I need to keep trying.” Yoongi’s brows furrow. He looks like he might try to protest, but Jungkook stops him before he can say anything of the sort. “Please. Please don’t worry about it. I’m doing better right now.”

Yoongi’s lips press together in a thin line. Jungkook knows he’s probably once again disappointing his hyung – he always seems to be doing that – but he will not take those pills anymore. He forgot he even had them, truly. “When was the last time you went to your therapist?”

Jungkook had prayed Yoongi wouldn’t ask. “Also a while.”

They stare at each other. Jungkook tries to hold Yoongi’s gaze, but one does not succeed when having a staring contest with a cat. “Alright.”

“Alright?”

Yoongi nods, setting the bottle back on his dresser. “Alright. I trust you.”

“You what? You do?”

“Temporarily.”

Jungkook frowns. “Then is it really trust?”

He walks to Jungkook’s door. “Of course it is. It’s just temporary until you act like a moron. Make it permanent trust by not acting like a fucking moron.”

Yoongi leaves Jungkook flabbergasted, to say the very least. Tough love, that’s all Yoongi knows.

***

Jimin isn’t sure how long he watches the red numbers on his alarm clock change throughout the night. Well, yes he is, actually. Two hours and nearly forty-nine minutes have passed, but it feels ten times longer than that. Taehyung has been asleep for a while, leaving Jimin to fend off his own mind.

He can’t sleep. His anxiety is bad tonight, with no cause, and he’s exhausted, and he’s wide awake.

He’s improving, that much he knows. Jimin goes to therapy every other week, and Dr. Lee rationalizes things for him he can’t always rationalize, and he can see improvement in how he interacts with people. Is it completely tiring? Yes, yes it is. It’s a full-time job interacting with strangers. At least, until the first words are spoken. Then. Then everything is easier.

But sometimes, mostly at night, that’s when everything suddenly becomes hard again, like nothing Jimin’s been working on and self-reflecting on matters anymore. It pisses him off, because his control of the situation is already so slippery, and at night he can’t even see where to grab on.

And so, Jimin lays in bed, with a hollow chest, shivering all over, because of thoughts that are moving too fast for him to even decipher, and despair that he couldn’t name if he tried. And it just keeps going, no matter how hard he tries to push it away, push nothing away, because this anxiety is so fucking disjointed that the coping mechanisms he knows aren’t working worth a damn.

That’s when he gets Jungkook’s text.

Jungkookie Wookie [23:57] on a scale of one to ten, how awake are you

ChimChim<3 [23:58] like four million, you?

Jungkookie Wookie {23:59] same

ChimChim<3 [00:00] is something wrong?

Jungkookie Wookie [00:01] one of those nights, just a lot of thoughts

ChimChim<3 [00:01] yea me too

Jimin waits a while before Jungkook responds. His little typing bubble pops up and disappears a bunch, so Jimin just puts his phone down and stares at the ceiling until it dings.

Jungkookie Wookie [00:09] wanna go on an adventure?

***

Jungkook had already been wandering around outside before he even texted Jimin, so when Jimin agrees to hang out, he heads over to his and Taehyung’s apartment complex and waits in the courtyard out front. The air has a sharp bite to it, but Jungkook doesn’t feel it through the layers of his jacket.

Jungkook has no idea what may be bothering Jimin, but for him, he can’t stop thinking about his parents tonight. It comes and goes in waves. He’s not sure if he misses them, or just the idea of what they were supposed to be. You know, actual fucking parents, who are supposed to love and support their son. He shouldn’t miss them, not after the shit they put him through all his life. Even his mom, whose main fault was just not acknowledging his father’s abuse.

Some nights he doesn’t give a flying fuck about them. Some night he’s doing good, proving to himself that he’s strong and capable. Some nights thinking about them barely even phases him.

Tonight isn’t one of those nights.

The door to the building opens and shuts, snapping Jungkook out of his dissociation. Jimin walks over to him, hands jammed into his pockets. “So what’s your plan?” he says as a greeting.

Jungkook stands up, wincing slightly as his stiff joints ache in the cold. “The only plan is that there isn’t a plan.”

“Sounds good to me.” Jimin extends his hand towards Jungkook and he takes it, Jimin’s palm warm against his from being inside. He doesn’t feel like acting shy or dumb right now, and maybe he’s getting to a point where he doesn’t need to. He just wants to enjoy Jimin’s company, and if Jimin didn’t enjoy his, at least a little, he wouldn’t have agreed to come out with him.

Jimin pulls Jungkook down the block, and he follows. Jungkook will follow Jimin anywhere, he thinks.

***

“Tteokbokki!”

Jimin all but makes heart eyes at the late-night street vendor selling food. Jungkook had been the one to point it out, and Jimin hurriedly dragged him to it.

They’d already been aimlessly walking for nearly half an hour now, talking about nothing important. Classes, dances, typical conversation. Jimin could very clearly see something clouding Jungkook’s normally bright eyes. He supposes he looks just as heavy-hearted.

So why not buy some street food? Food makes everything better, doesn’t it?

Jimin orders some tteokbokki for himself, an indulgence he hasn’t let himself have in a while. Jungkook doesn’t seem to want anything at first, but eventually Jimin glares at him hard enough that he picks out hotteok with a carton of banana milk. He orders a side of mochi ice cream just for the hell of it. Yolo, or something like that.

“I’m paying,” Jimin says as Jungkook tries to hand over some bills. Jungkook opens his mouth to protest, but Jimin doesn’t let him get a word out. “No. I’m the hyung. I’m paying. No, dammit, I said put it away.”

The argument continues for a hot second, and eventually Jimin wins. They take their food elsewhere to enjoy.

There’s an abandoned park down by the river that Jimin used to like going to by himself. He hasn’t been there since last year, but figures it would be a nice place to just relax and get his mind off things. Probably for Jungkook as well, he assumes.

The park is, as it usually is, empty. Most of the equipment is broken down and covered in moss or rust, but the swings near the back are in stable condition. Jimin takes a seat on one, wrapping his arms around the chain, and eats his tteokbokki. Heaven.

“You know, I’m pretty sure drinking this is really killing my bad boy vibes,” Jungkook says before lifting the banana milk to his lips.

“Oh, honey, you can’t kill something that wasn’t a thing to begin with.”

“Ouch.”

They swing back and forth slowly, balancing food in their hands. Jimin appreciates the nip of the cool air. He wishes he could see the stars more, but the city lights drown them out under their glare.

Jimin quickly finishes his food, disappointingly, and now that that distraction is gone, he starts to think again. And before he can think better of it, he blurts out, “Do you ever feel like you’re missing something that’s just not there?”

“What do you mean?” Jungkook asks.

Jimin sighs. What does he mean? It’s not like he knows what the fuck he’s trying to decipher. “I guess I mean, do you feel like you’re missing something that was never there? Something you never had, so you aren’t sure what’s making you miss it, except that you know you should.”

Jimin sounds ridiculous, and he expects Jungkook to laugh at him, but to his surprise, Jungkook just lowers his head. “I think so.”

For a second, Jimin isn’t sure what he’s supposed to say next. Mostly because he just doesn’t know this emotion he’s feeling and he didn’t expect Jungkook to also feel it. Instead, he says, “What’s on your mind?”

Silently, Jungkook chews on his hotteok before speaking. “My mom and dad. It’s dumb of me to care, but. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I care a lot.”

He speaks so low, and Jimin’s heart aches to hear it. “You’re allowed to care.”

“It’s just, like you said,” Jungkook stands to throw away their trash, “I miss something that was never really there.”

“You deserve so much more than that,” Jimin says. And he means it. Yes, he and Jungkook didn’t start off at all on the right foot, but Jimin knows the shitty people from the good ones. Jungkook is a good person. “You deserve the world.”

Jungkook doesn’t say anything after that, and Jimin has the urge to reach out for him. He shuts that down, though. But he does hop off the swing and spin around. Nothing better than a good distraction. “Let’s go walk by the river.”

“I’ll race you to the bridge,” Jungkook says, smirking, and before Jimin can agree, he takes off.

Jimin immediately sprints after him, yelling, “No fair, you’re taller! Wait!”

But his heart feels much lighter than it did, running behind him like he was a child again. Jungkook has a way of making him feel like that, like it’s okay to feel free.

***

Jungkook wins.

He makes it there just before Jimin, just barely, and Jimin plows into him, full of laughter and adorable chaotic energy. They stand on the small bridge, watching the water flow below them as they catch their breath. Jimin’s eyes are bright, and Jungkook can’t stop smiling at him.

Beautiful.

“What do you miss?” Jungkook asks suddenly. The question had been there, but now he feels brave enough to voice it.

Jimin looks at him first, like he misunderstands the question. But then he answers, “I don’t know, honestly. I just know that I miss something.” He chuckles to himself. “I’m just a mess.”

“That’s okay. We can both be messes together.”

Jimin smiles and leans into him, forehead against his shoulder. Jungkook feels his warmth, and his heartbeat stutters. Jungkook could stand here forever, with this small show of intimacy, if it weren’t for the fear of his emotions exploding out of his chest.

That, and Jimin shivers.

“Let’s head home. It’s getting chilly,” Jungkook says, taking Jimin by the hand, and the two of them start back in the direction of campus. They’re probably a good thirty-five minutes away, but Jungkook couldn’t care less. Jimin lets go of Jungkook’s hand in favor of sliding it through his arm, and Jungkook feels like he’s floating.

Are they flirting? Is this an acceptable amount of platonic intimacy? Jungkook has no idea what the fuck he’s doing.

“Maybe we could-” Jimin starts, but his voice is cut off abruptly as a shoulder slams into him, so hard that it pulls him away from Jungkook’s arm and causes him to stumble backwards. Jungkook barely manages to keep him from tripping.

“Watch where you’re fucking going,” a guy spits out at them, at Jimin. The guy’s friend gives them a nasty grin.

Jungkook feels his blood immediately begin to boil, but Jimin’s fiery attitude erupts before his. “Why don’t you watch where you’re fucking going?”

“Excuse me, faggot?” the guy snaps, and then he’s moving back to them, and then he’s shoving-

He shoves Jimin.

And Jungkook pulls Jimin behind him, standing inches away from this piece of shit who dares to hurt- “Don’t lay a hand on him.”

“Aw, is that your little boyfriend?” the guy sneers, pushing Jungkook away from him. Jungkook doesn’t even lose his footing. The two of them laugh, and the guy reaches around Jungkook, reaches for-

Jungkook slugs him in the face. And suddenly he’s not reaching for Jimin. Mission accomplished. He hears Jimin shouting his name as he feels a blow land on his cheek, and then a sharp searing pain through his sinuses, tasting blood on his tongue and in the back of his throat. He loses his sense of direction for a moment, but nonetheless swings back. Over and over.

Jungkook hears Jimin cry out, and he spins around to see the guy’s buddy grab onto him. “No!”

But. Well, Jimin’s fine. The buddy is on the ground holding his crotch.

Jungkook brings an elbow up into the guy’s nose and there’s a godawful crack, breaking bone, and he stumbles back, blood squirting down his face. Jungkook is panting, and the taste of copper in his mouth only grows worse despite him spitting it out.

The two of them stumble and start to run away, apparently not really wanting as much of a fight as they’d tried to start. Jungkook feels compelled to chase after them, some weird, heated anger burning through his entire body. Cowards. In fact, he steps forward like he’s about to follow, but Jimin’s hand clamps down on his arm. His face is white, and when he notices Jungkook’s bleeding lip and injured face, tears well in his eyes. “Jungkookie.”

“Let me go.”

“No. Stop.” Jimin tightens his grip, fingers digging into his skin. Jungkook stares at him, and he doesn’t even get to respond before Jimin is pulling them back the way they came from, quickly, until they’re running, running the whole distance, back to Jungkook’s apartment. Jungkook’s thoughts are racing quick enough to keep up the pace. He’s still angry – they tried to hurt Jimin, they scared Jimin – and he’s…he’s-

Euphoric. The adrenaline right now is like a drug, making him giddy. Making him feel more than what he’d been feeling for the past day and a half. In this weird high, he feels calm.

He isn’t sure, but Jungkook wants to say he maybe smiles as he runs behind Jimin.

***

Yoongi is still fucking awake when Jimin all but barrels down Jungkook’s door. Awake, and sitting in the chair by the TV, and he looks deadly calm when they walk in.

Well, deadly calm until he sees Jungkook’s disaster of a face and Jimin’s tears. “The fuck did you do? Goddamn it, kid, you give me stomach ulcers.”

The sad thing is, that’s probably incredibly accurate.

Jimin asks where the bathroom and first aid supplies are before Jungkook can respond, and Yoongi directs him there. Jimin finds some antiseptic and bandages and sits Jungkook down on the toilet lid. The entire time, he is silent, until Jungkook tries to speak.

“Jimin-”

“Shut up,” he says. Not in a mean way, just. A command. There’s a cut on the side of Jungkook’s face that he hadn’t noticed, but notices very much when Jimin applies something to it. It burns, and he pulls away from Jimin’s hands, hissing through his teeth. Jimin’s brows furrow. “Hold still.”

Jungkook notices then that Jimin’s hands are trembling, and it registers that Jimin is more upset over this than he is. Scared, terrified. For his sake. As if it wasn’t just a couple of cuts and bruises. As if it wasn’t temporary. “Hyung-”

“Stop talking.”

“Jimin.” Jungkook pulls his hands away from his face, softly. Yes, they’re trembling a lot. And Jimin’s eyes haven’t quite dried up all the way. “I promise I’m okay.”

“You’re bleeding!”

“It’ll heal!”

Jimin’s lip quivers before he bites down on it. “Why did you do that? You got hurt because of me.”

“Because of you? It wasn’t because of you, it was because those guys were fucking assholes.”

“You didn’t have to hit him!”

“Oh, so now it’s my fault?”

“Wha–no! I’m saying you didn’t have to fight for me!”

“I let you get hurt last time, and I wasn’t gonna do that again!” Jungkook doesn’t realize in time what he’s saying. But the words are out, and he now realizes why he was so angry. Not just because his soulmate was in danger, but because the last time he was, Jungkook did nothing but stand there and watch.

“That was-” Jimin shakes his head, mouth agape. He struggles for words. “Jungkook, you have nothing to prove to me, do you understand? You don’t have to punch people in the face to prove to me that you’re sorry!”

“I didn’t do it to apologize, I did it so you didn’t fucking get hurt! Do you think I’m that shallow? That I wouldn’t do it again, and again, and again? You think if I felt forgiven enough, I’d’ve just let you fend for yourself? No, you’re my friend, I care about you!”

“And I care about you!” he snaps. They both don’t say anything after that. Jimin just stares with hard eyes, and Jungkook feels his throat close up. No, he’s not going to shed tears, he just fucking isn’t. He swallows them down.

Jimin cups his face in his hands and holds his gaze. “If there’s any reason you feel like you need to make it up to me because of what happened, don’t.”

He wishes he could tell him. He wishes he could be strong enough to tell Jimin right now. And maybe he should, but he knows he can’t. He’s not strong enough. Not yet, maybe not ever. And. And maybe… “I don’t know how to forgive myself,” Jungkook whispers.

“I forgive you. I forgave you a while ago. Can that be enough?” Jungkook tries to look away, but Jimin refuses to lose his gaze. “Can I be enough?”

Jungkook wants him to understand that, more than anything, the answer to that is yes. You’re more than enough. But he feels like a live wire right now. Completely electric, completely bare, and capable of doing harm at the slightest movement. And the last thing he wants to do is harm Jimin with the rawness of his emotions. “Yeah. I guess that can be enough.”

Maybe he can convince himself that's the truth.

***

Yoongi stands in the doorway of the bathroom. He didn’t really want to eavesdrop, but then both of them started raising their voices, and if Jungkook was going to get punched in the face again, he didn’t want it to be by Jimin.

Well, he’d rather Jungkook not get punched in the face again at all, but it happens.

Now? Now they’re sitting there in silence holding each other. Yoongi is astounded. And ever so slightly annoyed, because why can’t this be easy. “Idiots.” Literal morons.

Jungkook turns to look at him, surprised that he’d been standing there, but at that point, Yoongi’s shaking his head and walking away, too ready to sleep.

***

Jimin still struggles to rest when he makes it back to his room, but not just because of the same reasons as before. He’s tired, he’s so tired, but his worry outweighs the exhaustion. But Jungkook is safe in his apartment, hopefully asleep by now, and it’s not like Yoongi-hyung would let anything happen.

Still. Jimin’s mind won’t ease up.

Jungkook had asked him what he was missing, and Jimin didn’t know the answer. He still doesn’t, although he supposes deep down what he’s refusing to admit is that he feels like he’s missing part of himself. A part that was stolen, a part that doesn’t know what the meaning of love is. Not the kind of love everyone wants. He misses the idea of wanting his soulmate. He wants to want it, and it confuses him. How can you want to want something without just wanting that thing? It doesn’t make sense, and yet here he is. Wanting to be able to love. Wanting to trust in this promise that the universe gives people.

At least spending time with Jungkook made the missing less. Made the wanting easier to cope with.

It doesn’t cross Jimin’s mind as he finally falls asleep that maybe that means something.

Chapter Text

The showcase is in less than ten days, and so are finals, and Jungkook is actually losing his shit.

But so is everyone else, so he feels less dramatic about it. Jungkook and Jimin both spend more time in the studio, with Hoseok tagging along when he can, even though both of their routines are nearly flawless at this point. Jimin is much, much less nervous than Jungkook is.

Jungkook doesn’t know why he’s suddenly so terrified. Well, he does. His professional career rides on this. Jimin is an established dancer at this university. Hoseok, too. But Jungkook? He’s a newbie, one who barely had dance experience to begin with, only a dream that he thinks he can flesh into a professional career. And it’s not that he thinks he can’t dance; he can. Very well. Professor Choi did choose him to dance with Jimin in the showcase to begin with, after all.

But. He could fuck up. He could trip, forget a move, he could mess up Jimin’s routine, could fall off the stage. He could look clumsy compared to how graceful Jimin moves.

Yeah, Jungkook’s having a crisis. It’s fine, though. It’s cool.

The bruises and cuts on his face healed within a week, which he was immensely relieved about not just because it meant his face didn’t look battered anymore, but because Jimin finally stopped looking at him with…well, with nothing. It’s not that things have been weird between them since the fight, because they’re interacting totally fine, if not better, compared to before. But Jimin wouldn’t hold his gaze, wouldn’t look at his face long enough. Jungkook couldn’t read anything from his expression. If he had to guess, every time Jimin saw it, it made him feel guilty, which Jungkook wishes he could fix.

He’s too busy to question it much, though, and he assumes Jimin’s too focused on the showcase to bring it up. The two of them are spending another evening in one of the dance studios, yet again. Practices are mostly for muscle memory at this point; they have the piece completely choreographed and the moves perfected.

Jungkook plops onto the floor after another run through, breathing heavy, and frantically drinks from his water bottle. Jimin sits down beside him, equally tired, and Jungkook passes the bottle to him.

“I think that’s enough for today,” Jimin says through a long sigh.

“I think that’s enough for forever,” Jungkook pants. Fuck, he’s got a side stitch. And a cramp in his calf.

Jimin hops to his feet after a minute. How does he have that much energy still? He extends a hand to Jungkook, who very obviously needs the boost. “Come on, let’s go watch a movie with Tae.”

Jungkook groans. “Ugh, that’s more moving.”

They head to Jimin’s apartment, with Jimin’s arm looped through Jungkook’s. Honestly it has become a common form of affection between the two of them, and probably more so due to the cold winter air, but Jungkook still blushes every single time.

Much to Jungkook’s surprise, he finds Yoongi already sitting on the couch with Taehyung when they arrive. Usually they’re out or Taehyung is at their apartment. But nope, Yoongi is sitting on Taehyung’s couch with Taehyung’s head in his lap, petting his hair. Yoongi gives him a dark look that says if you make fun of this, just know I know where you live.

“Mind if we join?” Jimin asks as he takes his shoes off and drops his bag by his room.

“Jimin, it’s your apartment too,” Taehyung responds sleepily, content as Yoongi plays with his hair. “Of course you can join.”

“I’m gonna shower first,” Jimin says. He turns to Jungkook. “You want to shower too?”

For one hot second, Jungkook thinks Jimin is asking to shower with him, and he can’t stop his face from burning. Wow. “Uh, yeah, if you don’t mind,” he mumbles. He’s a fucking disaster. It’s incredible.

He sits on the loveseat beside the couch, one of the Tolkien movies playing on the screen. Yoongi looks over at him, a murder warning still in his eyes, and asks, “How was practice?”

“It was good.”

“Feeling confident?”

“I think so.”

“You’re terrified, aren’t you?”

“I think so.”

Taehyung shifts in Yoongi’s lap, readjusting to get comfortable, eyes closed. “You’re gonna do great, Jungkookie. You and Jimin both.”

Jungkook sure fucking hopes so.

***

The four of them grow bored with sitting in silence and watching a movie when they’re in each other’s company, so they mute the TV and play Cards Against Humanity instead, which becomes much more entertaining.

Jimin quickly learns things about his friends: Taehyung pairs the most random things that only he thinks are funny; Yoongi is the most boring human being ever; and Jungkook is absolutely too young to be this goddamn vulgar.

“What the fuck, Kook-ah,” Yoongi mutters, while Taehyung cracks up beside him. Taehyung had been reading the black card and decided that Jungkook ultimately deserved to win. But everything amuses Taehyung, any card pairing.

Jimin draws his card and the game continues, with the conversation being easily fueled by Taehyung’s amusement, Yoongi’s sarcasm, and Jungkook’s amazingly dark humor. “What’s everyone’s plans for break?” Jimin asks casually, off-handedly wondering if this would be more fun with Namjoon, Jin, and Hoseok. Namjoon would probably be more PG than Yoongi, and Hoseok and Jin just as entertained as Taehyung. He’s not sure anyone in their group is as bad as Jungkook.

Yoongi looks over at Jungkook. “You’re coming over to see my parents, right?”

Jungkook frowns and shakes his head. “I thought Tae was coming with you to meet them? I’ll probably stay at the apartment.”

This catches Jimin’s attention. Before Yoongi can even say anything else, Jimin jumps in. “For the holidays? No, no, that’s unacceptable, you’re not staying here alone. I’ll stay here with you.”

“What? No, you should go see your family, Jimin-”

“Then you can come home with me,” is all Jimin responds with.  The decision is spontaneous but feels like the right one. Taehyung gives him a strange, but not discouraging, look. More of a “do you know what you’re doing?” look, and that answer is no, but who really cares, it’s just Jungkook.

Jungkook opens his mouth to protest, but Jimin shakes his head sharply. No arguing.

“We can all visit each other! I always come see Jimin’s mother, and I’ll bring Yoongi,” Taehyung throws in. “We can have a New Year’s party! This is a great idea.”

Jungkook looks at Yoongi pleadingly, as if Yoongi is going to save him. Yoongi shrugs and draws a card. “On the weekends, I like blank.”

The three of them play their cards. Yoongi reads them out and they all lose their shit when he sputters over On the weekends, I like fucking my best friend’s soulmate and he yells at Jungkook, who throws his head back and belts out a laugh. Yoongi growls, attacking Jungkook, who deftly wrestles him onto the couch. Jungkook is way overpowering, but Yoongi is feisty.

“Don’t murder Jungkookie!” Taehyung shouts, pulling at Yoongi’s arm. “He’s too young to die.”

“It’s not murder if he just bleeds a little.”

Jungkook shrieks.

Jimin calmly records on his phone to send to the group chat. It’s pure chaos.

Later, when everything is calmer and it’s just the two of them, Jimin gives Jungkook the opportunity to deny the arrangement to come home with him. But in private, Jungkook seems relieved, if not enthusiastic.

And so it’s settled. Jungkook’s coming home with Jimin for the holidays.

If anyone would’ve told him that two years ago, Jimin would’ve punched them in the face. It’s astounding how much things, and people, change.

***

The morning of the showcase, Jungkook works a shift at the flower shop. Mimi forces him to leave early in order to prepare and relax, because she notices he’s a bit of a mess about it. She sends him off with a big hug and a muffin she baked for good luck.

Jungkook is about to leave the store when something causes him to stop. Something dumb and probably reckless and stupid and just. “Mimi?” he says.

Mimi peaks from around a corner, her hands gloved and her hair pulled back in a tight bun. “Hmm?”

Jungkook swallows hard. “I…I think it’s time for those flowers now.”

Mimi damn near spontaneously combusts as she gasps and starts to prepare a bouquet order, asking details about flowers and colors and throwing out random facts about flower language that Jungkook is too startled to take in fully.

“Just.” What is he doing. What the fuck is he doing. “Roses. Um. Six of them.”

There’s an excited glimmer in her eye. She looks a bit crazy. “Do you want them delivered or would you like me to prepare them now?”

“Delivered,” he answers. Jungkook scribbles down the location of the dance hall. “And, um. Can you make them unmarked?”

“What! You’re supposed to be wooing him!”

“He doesn’t need to know they came from me.”

“Piss on you,” she mutters, shaking her head. “I’ll die of old age before you tell this boy how you feel.”

He gives her a sideways smile. When he tries to pay her in advance, she waves him off, insisting it’s part of his employee benefits. Jungkook is pretty sure she’s lying, but she shoos him out before he can force her to take his money.

***

It’s time.

Jungkook has been anxious all morning, but now, standing backstage as he adjusts his makeup, he feels terrified and his hands tremble. He knows he shouldn’t worry - these are moves he knows like the back of his hand; hell, Jimin’s piece too - but Jungkook’s heart is pounding out of his chest and his palms are sweating and for the love of God, he might puke.

Jungkook paces backstage. He can’t even bring himself to watch the other performers in their entirety, but he does glimpse at them from time to time, and it’s beautiful. Their interpretations of the emotions of soulmates are great, truly. It makes Jungkook feel a little lightheaded and more than a bit depressed. But he’s chill. It’s fine. Holy fuck.

yoongles [21:15] break a leg

yoongles [21:17] maybe don’t break a leg actually. wtvr. gl.

yoongles [21:17] <3

Jungkook stares at his screen. Did Yoongi really send him a heart? Is hyung okay? Does he have to worry about Yoongi possibly having a stroke right before he’s supposed to perform?

He’s using these thoughts to entertain himself when he sees Jimin come out of the dressing room, running his fingers through his freshly dyed black hair to fluff it up.

And Jungkook’s just. Speechless. Yeah, they’re wearing matching white costumes, more flowy than anything he’s used to, with similarly styled sharp makeup, but Jimin looks four million times better. It’s strange to Jungkook; he looks so comfortable and in his zone. Jungkook wants to say he’s jealous but honestly, he’s just in awe.

Jimin locks eyes with him and smiles. “You look good, Jungkookie. Ready to kill it?”

Jungkook swallows hard and tries to smile back, but it barely reaches his lips. His stomach flips again. “Maybe not. I’m fucking nervous.”

They’re on after this piece that just started. His heart is fluttering around like a bird trapped in a cage. Good lord. He’s gonna throw up everywhere. On all the dancers. Why did he think he could do this, especially professionally, what the fuck is wrong with him, there’s literally no way-

“Hey.” Jimin takes his hand, and with the other one forces Jungkook to look him in the eyes, fingers hooked under his chin. “I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking you aren’t good enough, that the moves you practiced and have committed to memory aren’t going to be the ones that show up on that stage. But I promise you, you aren’t going to mess up, and you aren’t going to fail. You’re Jeon fucking Jungkook, are you not? This? This is your passion. This is you.”

Jungkook hears the stage manager signal that they need to come to the front and prepare to go on. He hears Jimin whisper encouragement and support, and he hears the music of the performance before theirs begin to fade into its final notes.

Jimin squeezes his hand one last time before moving over to his position. “I’m with you. Remember that.”

And maybe that’s all he needed to hear, because once the music starts and they move on stage, he forgets everything except that he’s dancing, and dancing with Jimin.

***

Even though Yoongi is sitting right beside him, Taehyung sends him a message after Jimin and Jungkook leave the stage. There was one hell of a standing ovation, but not before everyone stared in complete silence because…

That was some bullshit, is what it was. Yoongi is fucking heartbroken, and this isn’t even his mess, and he actually feels like he could’ve cried.

tae<3 [19:23] hyung

When Yoongi ignores it and doesn’t respond, Taehyung nudges him and looks at him like this is the most important thing in the world. Yoongi glares, and then responds.

minsuga [19:25] yes dear

tae<3 [19:25] they’re literally so in love aren’t they

minsuga [19:26] 110%

He thinks maybe Taehyung has said his piece, but then he feels another vibration.

tae<3 [19:27] is hoseokie hyung ok? he’s crying

Yoongi doesn’t even have to look to know, no, probably not. Out of the five of them, he’s pretty sure Hoseok is taking this the hardest.

minsuga [19:28] I don’t think any of us are ok rn

Yoongi’s not a dancer, by any long mile. Couldn’t move to a beat to save his life. Doesn’t understand any dance interpretation or what movements means or any of that fancy shit.

But he understands pain. And he understands love, he thinks. And most importantly, he understands Jungkook. Watching the two of them dance together was hard to take in. Jungkook’s love for Jimin and his self-loathing, and Jimin’s hurt and anger at the world. All of it was there, and there was absolutely no fucking way this entire auditorium isn’t fucking aware of these two and their connection.

Fucking absolute morons. Yoongi’s tired.

***

Jimin feels like he’s flying. He can only describe the feeling as his soul being at peace for once, when he’s dancing.

And when he’s dancing with Jungkook…

Well, that’s something else in its own right. It feels safe and dangerous at the same time, and honestly he doesn’t want to think about it.

He supposes one day he’s going to have to thank Professor Choi for pairing him with a partner so compatible to him. And, you know, forcing him to get over a two-year grudge.

His solo piece is about to come up, so he rushes back into the dressing room, flinging off his shirt and sliding into a different one, then pulling the strings tight on the corset. He grabs the mascara wand to darken his makeup, just as Jungkook walks in. Before he can say anything, Jimin tosses him his eyeshadow palette. “Can you fix it?”

Jungkook, wide-eyed, nods, and opens the palette. Jimin stays still as he puts more powder on his face, and Jungkook quickly flicks the brush around Jimin’s eye. He does remember Jungkook telling him he enjoys doing makeup, so he’s not surprised, and only just a bit jealous, that he does it so easily.

Once he’s ready, he rushes to the door. Time to get this shit over with.

“Jimin.”

He turns back to Jungkook, who looks like he has a lot to say.

But the only thing that comes out is, “I like your hair.”

Jimin smiles at him and goes out for his solo.

***

The show ends after Jimin’s solo, noticeably with the theme getting darker and darker until everyone’s emotions are scattered. The crowd stands and applauds for minutes and minutes.

Jungkook is the first to greet Jimin backstage after the show ends and after final curtain call. Jimin looks flushed, purely worn out, and Jungkook can’t blame him.

The two of them head back to the dressing rooms to gather their stuff, still riding on the high that comes with performing.

And Jimin notices the roses on his table, tied neatly with ribbon and wrapped in white plastic. He stops and stares, “Who-” but before he can turn around to ask Jungkook, their five chaotic friends pile into the back shouting and cheering and being general nuisances. Taehyung and Hoseok being the loudest, of course. They do this until they’re politely asked to get the fuck out of the back rooms.

Jin-hyung ushers them outside, where he declares he’s treating them all to dinner in honor of the show. No one questions as Jimin gently, carefully puts the roses in his bag.

No one but Yoongi, who lingers behind as Taehyung and Hoseok continue screaming about who knows what, completely capturing Jimin and everyone’s attention. “Sneaky of you.”

Jungkook tries to keep his face neutral. “What do you mean?”

He scoffs. “Six roses? Trying to make it seem like we all got one for him so you don’t have to take the credit?”

“Still don’t know what you’re talking about, hyung, are you feeling okay? Or are you just getting old?”

Yoongi shakes his head. “Fucking brat.” He sticks out his hand. “Here. You dropped this.”

It’s a card. From Jungkook, with love. The one he swiped from the bouquet before Jimin could see. The one he specifically said for Mimi not to include.

Yoongi joins Taehyung at the front of their group of seven and Jungkook’s face burns.

***

Jimin is surprised they don’t get kicked out of the restaurant. Jin-hyung has both Jimin and Jungkook agree on a place to eat, which wasn’t difficult. Not too expensive, but not super basic either, he told them.

No matter where they went, the seven of them were bound to be a disaster and a half. And they were.

But by the end of the night, Jimin is relaxed, happy, and full of good food, surrounded by his friends, and he feels perfectly content. What he wouldn’t give to capture this feeling and keep it forever.

They all decide to walk home together, parting ways as they approach respective apartments, and Jin’s enormous house. He offers them all to stay the night, for some drinks, but most of them have plans and jobs the next morning and sadly have to deny.

They don’t stop laughing all evening, cracking jokes and poking fun at each other. Many times they tell Jimin and Jungkook how mind-blowing their performance was and how incredibly emotional it made them. He supposes that’s a good thing, because it was incredibly emotion for him as well. His pieces were darker than the others, he knows that. And he knew that going into this showcase. Jimin’s experience with soulmates isn’t typical of everyone else’s, and frankly he didn’t see the need for there to be twelve pretty, loving, positive pieces in the showcase. They wanted a soulmate interpretation, and well, they got his.

“Jungkookie, you didn’t look nervous at all, you looked perfectly calm,” Taehyung comments, arm flung around Jungkook’s shoulders and the other around Yoongi’s waist. “Told you it would all be okay but nooooo, you didn’t listen to me.”

“Oh, you should’ve seen him before that,” Jimin laughs.

“Oh? Pray tell, how did our Kookie react?” Hoseok jabs.

“Shush, I was perfectly fine,” Jungkook says.

“I actually thought he was gonna puke. His face was this awful shade of green, and he was sweaty like you wouldn’t belie–hey, leave me be, it’s true!”

Jungkook chases Jimin around the sidewalk, grabbing onto him as he tries to hide behind Taehyung and slander his name even more than he’s already doing. Jimin’s laughing so hard he can’t breathe, and Jungkook clamps a hand over his mouth. “You done talking shit? Huh?”

Jimin reaches back and tickles Jungkook’s sides, causing him to let go and giggle like a madman. Jimin smiles back, but that doesn’t erase what he just noticed.

Jungkook’s hands smell like roses, their sickly-sweet fragrance clinging to his fingertips, just like how the scent of other flowers clings to his clothing and hair.

Jungkook smells like roses. The roses that were coincidentally on his dressing room table. The fact does something aggressive to his heart.  A flutter. A flip in his stomach. Something he isn’t sure he likes. Or rather, something he isn’t sure he’s supposed to like.

Jungkook brought him roses.

Jimin swallows hard and shuts down his thoughts, instead choosing to laugh maybe too loudly at Taehyung’s jokes along with the rest of his friends.

***

Yoongi is working on an end-of-the-semester project late that night, because sleep is for the weak, when he gets a text from Hoseok, which isn’t out of the ordinary. Especially after today.

sunshinebitch [23:41] hey hyung, I have a question bout kook

minsuga [23:42] yeah whats up

sunshinebitch [23:42] do u think he could be jimins soulmate? Like fr, after what happened in high school with the two of them? Idk im probably being dumb but like. You saw that too.

Yoongi almost doesn’t know how to respond, but it doesn’t shock him that Hoseok knows. Hoseok did mention that Jimin comes to his support group, so it only made sense that Jimin trusted Hoseok enough to tell him the situation. Everyone trusts Hoseok.

And unlike both Jimin and Jungkook, Hoseok isn’t absolutely moronic.

minsuga [23:44] that obvious, huh?

Chapter Text

Jungkook survived his first semester of university without completely failing. Actually, he only failed his English final, but that wasn’t enough to make him fail the class, so he’s thriving and happy with himself.

Everyone else passed the semester too and the relief weighed over all of them. So naturally, as any reasonable student at university would do, the seven of them decided to get together and drink their asses off.

Well. The six of them. Yoongi isn’t having any of Jungkook’s bullshit tonight, in mostly that exact wording, and he can respect that. Yoongi said he can sip on one drink, just one. Yes, Jungkook is an adult, but even he knows he’s a bit of a problematic drinker.

Yoongi and Jungkook are the first to arrive at Jin-hyung’s house. He wasn’t throwing one of his big semester parties, much to the disappointment of everyone on campus. This is just for the seven of them right now. Namjoon is already there, as always. Hoseok shows up after them, and last to arrive are Taehyung and Jimin.

“You’re late,” Yoongi says to Taehyung as he hands him a drink. What a cute greeting. Yoongi-hyung has always been a charmer.

“Well, this one over here,” he jerks his head at Jimin, “takes forever to get ready for any event ever.”

Jimin heads for the drinks in the kitchen nearly as soon as he steps foot inside, the intent to get plastered apparent on his face. “It takes effort to look this good, isn’t that what you always say when you hog the bathroom for three hours at a time?”

They set up in Jin’s massive living room, where Yoongi takes over the large speakers set up near the front. Music fills the room, and not even 30 minutes later, nearly all of them are pleasantly tipsy, chowing down on snacks, and most importantly, clowning each other. Besides Jungkook, Jin is the only sober and responsible one right now. Jungkook feels a little from his one drink, but since this is the only one he gets tonight, he’s been savoring it a bit slowly.

“Let’s play a game!” Taehyung says rather loudly, after Jimin tells a ridiculous story about him from last year before they met the rest of them. One might say Taehyung is trying to change the subject.

“Cards Against Humanity?” Jungkook offers off the top of his head.

He didn’t expect both Yoongi and Jimin to respond in unison, “Never again.” Although granted Yoongi sounded way more bitter about it than Jimin.

“Ooh, we can do Twister!” Hoseok recommends. He looks way too excited about the idea.

“Last time we played that Namjoon pulled two muscles and broke a vase,” Yoongi grimaces. The emptiness in his expression leads Jungkook to think that these were dark, dark times in their friend group. “We don’t talk about it, and we never play Twister again.”

“So that’s two forbidden games now,” Jungkook grumbles at him. Yoongi gives him the evil eye over the rim of the cup raised to his lips. Hyung apparently doesn’t know how to take a joke. Jungkook smirks at him.

“How about Spin the Bottle?” Namjoon suggests, his words spilling over his lips in slurs.

Jin quirks a brow at him. “But none of us are single. What if I end up kissing Yoongi?”

Jungkook doesn’t want to be the bearer of bad news, but luckily Hoseok beats him to it. “I’m single, excuse me. Permanently.”

It causes Jungkook to wince, but it doesn’t seem to hold the same weight to Hoseok, who throws his head back with a laugh.

Jimin comes back from his third mixer and sits down on the couch, throwing his legs over the edge and resting his head on Jungkook’s lap. The action startles him a bit, and the close proximity makes him flush, but he allows it and swallows down his surprise. “I’m single too, hyung,” he says to Jin.

Jimin giggles. “I’m not. I have about 200 soulmates.” And then he giggles again.

Taehyung nearly chokes on his drink. He locks eyes with Jungkook. Pure panic. It feels like a punch to the face. No, he feels like a deer caught in headlights, and then plowed into by a car going 90 miles per hour.

Jimin isn’t done. He isn’t aware of everyone’s silence or the discomfort of two of his friends. “They’re all fucking assholes though.” Jimin grabs Jungkook’s chin and shakes his head around. “But not Jungkookie. He’s my favorite soulmate.”

And then Taehyung spits his drink everywhere, choking on the burn and letting out some harsh coughs. Hoseok falls out of his seat laughing because of it, which of course causes Namjoon and Jin to start laughing too, and soon Jimin’s comments are swallowed up with laughter and pinned down as a joke. Thank God for alcohol.

“God fucking dammit,” Yoongi says. He takes a shot. Then he takes another.

Jimin lets out yet another giggle. Unfazed. Fucking bastard. Jungkook tries to laugh too, but it comes out sounding strangled.

Good God.

Jungkook isn’t really aware of whatever game they decide to play – some playing card game – and he barely holds conversation. It makes him wonder, who in their friend group knows the story. Jungkook and Jimin, duh. Taehyung and Yoongi. The others clearly know that there was some tense history between the two of them, but did they know Jungkook hurt Jimin as badly as he did? If they did know, how do they look at him the same way?

You’re past this, Jungkook has to tell himself. Hell, Jimin is sprawled in his lap and pouts at him when he tries to move. They’re past this. But will he ever really be? Will he ever come to terms with any of this?

“Jungkook-ah, you’ve stolen Jimin from me,” Taehyung says, frowning. He’s a bit more intoxicated now, and it seems he’s not as shocked by the events that are happening as he once was earlier. “I used to be his cuddle buddy.”

“You’ve taken Yoongi from me,” Jungkook retorts.

Yoongi snorts at him. “I never cuddled you, brat.”

“But you could’ve. Now I’ll never know.”

Jimin is asleep in his lap right now, and no one really questions it. Maybe he can pin it on the fact that Jimin is super cuddly and lovey all the time, made ten times worse when he drinks, but for Jungkook, he hasn’t had a calm second all evening. Jimin has a blanket half draped over his shoulders, and he’s cuddling Jungkook’s thigh. He can’t imagine it’s a very comfy pillow.

The energy of the party soon dies down, and the seven of them begin to fall asleep where they lie. Jin and Namjoon are on the far end of the couch, snuggling and being gross and in love or whatever. They’d started out being subtle, but no one is being subtle right now. It’s a cuddle party. Taehyung and Yoongi are on the floor in a pile of blankets and pillows.

Halfway through the night, Tae started crying about Hoseok’s soulmate situation, which was common knowledge, and wouldn’t quiet down until Hoseok reassured him that he’s alright. Now the three of them are laying on the floor, with Taehyung grasping Yoongi’s arm as he lays on his side, and Hoseok back to back with him. It’s a mess. They’re all a mess.

And Jungkook? He barely sleeps that night. For starters he can’t really move. Every time he tries, Jimin grumbles and clutches his knee. He’s sober as fuck and annoyed about it, because maybe if he was a little bit drunk, he could fall asleep too. He could calm his mind.

Jungkook can’t stop thinking about Jimin’s words.

He’s my favorite soulmate.

It was a joke. Jimin was making fun of the past, an attempt to be light-hearted about what happened. Just a joke. But even Taehyung was shocked that it came out of Jimin’s mouth.

Just a joke. Is it really a joke to Jimin now?

Jungkook eventually nods off into a fitful sleep.

***

Snow is falling by morning. The air is crisp as Jungkook stands by the bus stop, waiting for Jimin. His breath billows in front of him in white puffs. It’s fucking cold. He blows into his hands to warm them up.

Jungkook doesn’t stand there for long, luckily. Jimin lugs a suitcase behind him, as well as a duffel bag. His hair is secured under a beanie. He doesn’t look cold; Jungkook’s jealous. Jimin shows no sign of feeling the effects of how much he drank last night, surprisingly. And Jungkook doubts he’ll ever mention the soulmate comment he made.

The bus ride is going to take a while, which is good because maybe he can get some rest. Jungkook is exhausted. They’d said their goodbyes to their friends this morning as they parted ways, and Yoongi asked if he was feeling alright. Just fucking peachy, he’d told him.

“Ready?” Jimin says as the bus arrives. Jungkook nods at him, not trusting himself to speak. They’re going back to his hometown for the first time since his parents tossed him out. One can imagine how excited he is.

He’s visiting Jimin’s family. Not his own. He’ll be safe.

As soon as he takes a seat in the back beside Jimin, he gets a text from Yoongi. Almost like hyung read his mind.

yoongles [08:32] if you need anything, you come over

yoongles [08:32] no exceptions

yoongles [08:33] if you’re uncomfortable with jimin, or any other reason…

yoongles [08:33] you come home, alright?

Home. With Yoongi and his family. The closest thing to home he has, and ever has had, in his life.

KookieMonster [08:34] thanks hyung

yoongles [08:35] ily

KookieMonster [08:35] WHAT

KookieMonster [08:35] YOU WHAT

KookieMonster [08:35] being w/ taehyung has made you exceptionally soft

yoongles [08:37] go to hell

KookieMonster [08:37] I love u too

Read [08:38]

Jungkook puts headphones in, turns up some music, and rests his head against the back of the seat. Jimin claimed the window seat, sadly.

He didn’t think he’d be able to sleep, but almost immediately he passes out. It’s finally blissful.

***

Jimin remains still the entire trip. Still enough that his body cramps from sitting in the same position for an hour and a half.

But he doesn’t dare move and jar Jungkook as he sleeps on his shoulder. Jimin himself was in and out of sleep, but he jolted awake the second he felt the pressure of Jungkook’s head. And he couldn’t help but blush.

What a fucking loser, he thinks at himself. He’s just embarrassed from last night, is all. Wallowing like a baby on Jungkook’s lap, saying what he said...

Jimin shakes his head. Whatever. Blame the alcohol and move on.

He wakes Jungkook up when they near the station close to his house and the two of them grab their bags. It’s somehow colder here in Busan than up in Seoul, but Jimin doesn’t mind. The sharp bite of the air is refreshing after being crammed on the stuffy bus with his thoughts and a sleepy Jungkook.

His house is about ten minutes from the station. His mother offered to pick them up, but Jimin insisted he’d like to walk. He loves walking the streets of his hometown. Even though he may not have the fondest memories of growing up here, it doesn’t mean his home was as corrupt as everything else.

Jimin feels a pang of guilt as he glances at Jungkook, whose family relationship was more than shitty. The two of them had been quiet nearly the entire trip. Mostly due to exhaustion, and a slight hangover on Jimin’s part.

They make their way through the crowd at the bus station, Jimin leading the way. His duffel bag weighs heavy on his shoulder and he can’t wait to throw his shit in his room and pass out properly. The way he slept on the couch put a kink in his neck. He tried not to acknowledge that it’s because Jungkook’s thigh is rock solid. He very much tried not to acknowledge that.

He’s distracted enough that he almost collides into the person in front of him as the line of people stop in their tracks. A girl dropped her bag, spilling its contents, and a young man bends down to help her scoop it up. They exchange words as Jimin tries to move around to pass the scene, shifting his suitcase so he doesn’t hit her. Jungkook follows him.

And. Oh.

“Oh my God,” the girl sobs, grabbing the man’s arm. “Oh God, you’re my soulmate.”

Soulmates. Jimin freezes in place, and this time it’s Jungkook who runs into him.

The people around them immediately burst into applause. Everyone is cheering, clapping. After all, meeting your soulmate is a big deal, isn’t it?

Isn’t it?

Jimin should clap. He should feel happy for these two random strangers who are now going to be each other’s whole world. But he remains there, unable to move, to do anything but watch. Something ugly twists in his chest, something painful. His heart is racing.

Fucking hell. It’s that easy. Just a random stranger. Any person who could be around and speak to him what he never wants to hear. His throat tightens up, and he feels his hands tremble.

No. He’s not making a scene here. “Let’s go,” he croaks, reaching for Jungkook’s arm.

And he finally sees.

Jungkook is crying.

“Kook-ah?” Jimin pulls him aside, pulls him away from the scene, the people. Where it’s just the two of them. Not only is it relieving for Jungkook, but Jimin too. “What’s wrong? Are you alright?”

He seems to pull himself together then, as if realizing that not only is he in public, but Jimin noticed. He wipes at his eyes. “I-yeah. I’m fine. Sorry.” Jimin thinks that’s all he’s willing to say, but then. “Do you believe in it?”

It catches him off guard. “Believe in what?”

“In soulmates. In love.”

How can I? Jimin wants to respond, but that doesn’t seem fair. It’s not a question that he really wants to answer or think about right now. That’s the very last thing he wants to discuss, actually. “I don’t know. I’ll let you know when I figure it out.”

There’s a lot bottled up in Jungkook, Jimin realizes. He’s affected by other emotion, too. It hurts Jimin to see him feel so much pain. Because that’s what he sees right now in Jungkook’s eyes. Just a whole lot of fucking pain.

They continue to walk towards Jimin’s house. It’s in view now, and when he’s inside, he’s taking a shower and scathing away memories of this conversation. He’s afraid of what will happen if he pokes this sleeping bear that is his emotions. He just wants to enjoy vacation.

But it doesn’t stop him from asking, “Do you? Believe in love?”

It takes Jungkook nearly a full minute before he answers. “I believe in mine.”

Jimin doesn’t quite understand, but he can tell this is just as touchy of a subject with Jungkook as it is for him. He leaves it at that, for now.

His house isn’t very large. Just a simple two-story structure. He doesn’t have any siblings, so it’s just him and his parents. Jimin reaches for the front door. “Prepare yourself,” he warns Jungkook. About the whirlwind that is his mother. As soon as he steps foot inside, he’s adopted. He doesn’t make these rules.

“Jimin!” he hears his mother call from the kitchen, and as soon as he rounds the corner, he’s scooped up into her embrace. His mother is a small woman, but she has the biggest heart of anyone he’s ever known. “And you must be Jungkook.”

Jimin doesn’t think Jungkook was expecting a hug as well, but his mother gave him one.

“I’ll start dinner soon, since you’re here now,” she says. “Go put your stuff upstairs and clean up. Oh, and go wake up your father, I think he’s taking another nap. Is Taehyung coming later? I’ll make him a plate anyway.”

Jimin just laughs and shakes his head. His mom’s a wordy person when she’s excited, and she’s definitely excited during the holidays. Passing by the living room to the staircase, he does in fact see his father asleep on the couch. “Appa.”

He doesn’t budge.

“Appaaa,” Jimin whines, poking his dad’s sleeping head.

His father blinks awake. When he sees who’s bothering him, his eyes brighten. “Ay! Welcome home, kiddo. You bring Kim with you?”

“Not this time, but he’ll be over this evening,” Jimin says. He grabs Jungkook’s arm and drags him forward. “I brought Jeon instead.”

His father stands up. “Ah, Jungkook, you’ll have to pardon me, dealing with Jimin’s mother all day since he left wears me out.”

Jungkook laughs, at least.

“I heard that! I heard it loud and clear!” his mother shouts from the kitchen.

Grinning, his father extends a hand to Jungkook. “Nice to meet you, son.”

Jungkook bows his head and returns the gesture. “Thank you for having me.”

“We’re going upstairs,” Jimin announces as he hugs his father. “Eomma says she’ll start dinner soon.”

“Well for God’s sake, you could’ve at least woken me when the food was ready.” He pats both of them on the back and heads to the kitchen to help.

Jimin’s bedroom is the furthest upstairs. There are two rooms up there, but one is the office that his dad typically works from. His room is colored in yellows and whites. Always fairly bright, always letting the light in. He likes it that way.

“So this is your room, huh?” Jungkook takes it all in, scanning his bookshelf, his record collection, his figurines and knickknacks. “I like it.”

Jimin feels his cheeks redden, and he looks away. “I like it too.”

“Your parents seem nice.” Jimin notices how quietly Jungkook says it. “And they love Taehyung.”

“Taehyung’s been part of our lives since we were five. They don’t have a choice anymore.” Taehyung is a second son to them. Like Jimin’s annoying brother who he’ll only admit to appreciating on occasion. That’s a lie, actually. Taehyung knows his worth in this household. He gets away with more shit than Jimin does. “Are you comfortable? They’re gonna be like this the whole time. You’re family now, no take backs.”

“Yeah,” Jungkook says. He gives Jimin a small smile. “Yeah, I’m comfortable here, hyung.”

***

Dinner at the Park household that evening is chaotic, to say the least. Taehyung and Yoongi do make it in time for dinner, just a few hours behind Jimin and Jungkook since Yoongi had a later shift. Taehyung just walks in the back door, as he always does, with no knocking. “Eomma, I brought a boy home.”

The boy stands outside awkwardly, waiting for permission to be let in. Jungkook wants to laugh at him. Taehyung only realizes that Yoongi didn’t follow him as he’s kicking his shoes off. “What the – hyung, come inside.”

Jimin sits on the counter in the kitchen, munching on the vegetables his mother intended on putting in the salad. He nods at Yoongi.

“Nice to see you, Tae.” Jimin’s mom gives Taehyung a hug. He wonders for a second if she’ll attempt to hug Yoongi, and if she does, if Yoongi will accept it. But she doesn’t. Instead, she extends a hand. “Is this the soulmate I’ve heard all about?”

Ha. Yoongi got a handshake.

Taehyung beams. “Sure is. This is my boyfriend, Min Yoongi. Isn’t he precious?”

“Tae,” Yoongi chuckles and adverts his eyes. He’s embarrassed, aw.

So naturally Jungkook has to make it worse. He slings an arm around Yoongi’s shoulders, pinches his cheeks, and says, “The precious-est.”

Oh, the look Yoongi gives him. Jimin bursts out laughing on the counter.

“Jungkook and Yoongi are like me and Jimin,” Taehyung explains. “Platonic soulmates.”

Taehyung, Jimin, and Jimin’s parents begin setting the table for dinner, insisting that the other two allow them to do it, even though Jungkook tries to protest. Jungkook finds it amusing and heartwarming how completely Taehyung falls in sync with their family dynamics.

If he really lets himself think too hard, it makes him jealous. It’s not like Yoongi’s mom and dad aren’t welcoming; they treat him like a son just as much as Jimin’s family treats Taehyung. But there’s something different about all of it. Jungkook wishes his own parents would look at him like that, would treat him that way. Like the way Jimin’s dad ruffles his hair or nudges his shoulder after telling a joke to see if Jimin found it funny. The way his mom gives him small shows of affection by pushing a strand of hair out of his eyes or dancing with him in the kitchen. Or the way Yoongi’s mother plays piano with him and pushed him to pursue music, and his dad gives him any and all advice he could ever need about anything.

Jungkook wants.

Yoongi stands beside him. He knows Jungkook’s lost in head right now. So as always, he interrupts. “So how’s it going?”

Jungkook looks at Yoongi. Yoongi’s not dumb. Not when it comes to Jungkook. And Jungkook isn’t good at hiding his emotions. “It’s overwhelming.”

“You can come back with me, you know that.”

“It’s not that kind of overwhelming.”

“Yeah, I forgot. These are your future in-laws.” Jungkook punches his shoulder, and he grunts. “I’m kidding, goddamn it.”

But Yoongi knows what he means. He always knows. And Jungkook knows what Yoongi means. You have more than you realize, is what he’s saying.

***

joonie [19:17] I’ve been thinking

minsuga [19:18] oh no

joonie [19:19] I have a theory

joonie [19:19] sounds crazy, but still

minsuga [19:23] whats ur theory

joonie [19:24] jimin and jungkook r soulmates, like actually soulmates

joonie [19:24] ik, ik, not how that works

joonie [19:25] but I’ve read ab how ppl mistake their soulmarks or misinterpret, etc.

minsuga [19:26] wow shocking

joonie [19:27] I cant tell if that’s sarcasm or not

minsuga [19:29] fucking sadly

Chapter Text

Taehyung and Yoongi don’t stay the night at Jimin’s house after dinner. Yoongi takes Taehyung to meet his parents instead, which Jimin knows Taehyung is violently worried about. Even if he won’t admit it out loud. It was pretty amusing to see Taehyung stall for time when Yoongi mentioned it. “Oh, I have to help them clean up from dinner, hyung, it would be rude not to," amongst other excuses.

Luckily Jimin’s mother kicked him out and told him to grow a pair.

Jimin wakes up the next morning feeling refreshed. He slept well, for once, knowing that he didn’t have to wake up for classes or for work for at least a week and a half. He even manages to sleep in a bit. That hasn’t happened in forever, and definitely not during this past semester.

Jungkook is still passed out on the couch in Jimin’s room, pillow on the floor and blanket barely draped over his body. An arm dangles over the edge, where his fingers just slightly graze the floor. It doesn’t look comfortable at all, but Jungkook sleeps like a baby even as Jimin gets ready for the morning and bustles around his room. When he wakes Jungkook for a late breakfast, he’s groggy and ever so slightly bitchy.

“Jungkookie,” Jimin shakes him awake after he falls back asleep. “Come on, let’s go shopping.”

Jimin always goes Christmas shopping for his family two days before. He isn’t sure why he puts himself through that stress, but he does it every single year and has done so since he was ten. He’s feeling brave this year. So he’s going to drag Jungkook to Gangnam and its busy streets and expensive shops with his tiny paycheck and little self-control.

Jungkook grumbles all the way downstairs to the breakfast table. Jimin’s parents had already eaten, but his mother sits at the table reading. His father is likely at work; his plate is already in the kitchen sink.

“Eomma, we’re taking the bus to Gangnam, if that’s alright?” Jimin asks her, munching on a pancake still sitting at the stove. It’s a bit cold, but still good enough to curb the edge of his morning hunger.

“Oh, just take my car, silly. No need to mess with the bus with that long of a distance,” she responds. Jimin leans down and presses a kiss to her head before bustling to the front door. “You boys be careful! And bundle up, I don’t want either of you catching a cold on Christmas!”

“It’s happened before,” Jimin whispers to him, with a shrug. Without thinking twice, he entwines his fingers with Jungkook’s and pulls him out the door.

***

Jungkook feels scattered, fuzzy around the edges, as they leave Jimin’s house. It’s nice, but in a painful way, to hear Jimin’s mother dote on him in the way his mother never did and never will.

Is this how it’s always going to be? Jungkook comparing the kindness and love he receives from Jimin’s and Yoongi’s parents to the kindness and love he never got from his parents, and then being bitter about it?

Jungkook needs to get over this. He needs to act more grateful for what he does have in his life. He just doesn’t know how, not when everything just simmers inside of him.

Jimin pulls him around all the shops, super excited to see everything. Shopping appears to be one of Jimin’s weaknesses, and it makes Jungkook smile. Honestly, Jungkook is just happy to be out of the car after four hours.

“Do you want boba? Fuck, I want boba,” Jimin says. “Let’s get boba later.”

Jungkook has yet to buy anything. He doesn’t want his wallet to cry next semester if he can help it. He wanders away from Jimin as he looks around a jewelry shop next, searching for something for his mother, he assumes. And probably for himself, because Jimin sure loves his rings.

Jungkook takes in the sight of shops lining the streets outside. He’s always loved Gangnam’s vibrant atmosphere. He never got to come here much as a kid, but it never failed to raise his spirits when he did visit.

What he wouldn’t give to visit the city during night, when night life and the clubs are active. Maybe if they’re here long enough this evening, he could.

Jungkook’s hands are jammed in his pockets as he glances in the store windows, wondering where Jimin would drag him next. He has no doubt he’d want to stop by the sweet shop. Jimin is a sucker for sweets.

He almost smiles at the thought. Maybe when Jimin isn’t looking, Jungkook can buy him a Christmas present. This past October, he’d missed Jimin’s birthday because he just didn’t fucking tell anyone, so he does already have a gift to make up for that, but that's a birthday present. This is Christmas. Jungkook is pondering this idea – maybe he should sneak into the jewelry store and get a ring, but isn’t that way too much? Maybe one day – when he suddenly feels the hair on the back of his neck stand up, as if cold air blew this way.

No. No.

Jungkook turns around and locks eyes with someone, and for a second his eyes blur. It takes them a second to refocus and when they do, the person is still there, stiff and staring hard at him like he’s the bane of the world. He supposes he is, to this man.

“Abeoji,” Jungkook says quietly.

No...

“Don’t call me that,” his father snaps, loud enough that Jungkook flinches. Why can’t you look at me like I’m your fucking son? Your flesh and blood? It hurts Jungkook to realize that that’s all he wants. He just wants to feel loved by them. For fuck's sake, by someone. God, why is that so much to ask? What have I done to my own father that have made them so sick at my sight?

He wishes his mother were around. She’d at least drag his father away. Not let them speak to each other. She wouldn’t say anything to him either, but at least she’d avoid causing a public scene.

But no. It’s not his mother who ends up coming to stand beside his father.

Jungkook shouldn’t be surprised, and yet he is. He can’t move. His blood is ice and everything feels paralyzed. Everything. He isn’t even sure his heart is beating. He shouldn’t be afraid anymore; there’s nothing more they can take from him. Right?

Jungkook feels like going feral at the sight of that smirk. “Heya, Jungkookie,” Seonjae says.

Jungkook doesn’t respond. His father looks him up and down, no doubt he’s disgusted by Jungkook’s ripped jeans and black clothing and piercings and brown dyed hair. Everything about Jungkook has always disgusted him. Nothing has changed. Nothing will ever change.

And Seonjae is still the fucking favorite. What the hell are they even doing here, having a father-son day trip? Jungkook seethes. That fear is gone, replaced with violent anger.

The kind that clouded his mind the night he fought those guys at the park.

Jungkook feels a hand latch tightly onto his arm and senses Jimin’s presence behind him as he approaches wordlessly. It should be comforting, but Jungkook doesn't want Jimin to see him like this. He can't show Jimin a ruined part of himself.

Seonjae’s smirk grows nastier. Of course this is going to be amusing to him. His father’s face twists into something close to a snarl when he sees Jimin. “Is this him, then? The one you chose over your own family?”

Chose? What choice? Jungkook didn’t have any fucking choice. He never does. All of this shit is forced onto him, and he didn’t ask or choose any of it. And he wants nothing more than to scream that at these two, to throw a fit, to finally unleash some of the anger he’s been hiding away. Something vengeful. But what good would that do? And if he did have the choice, wouldn’t he choose Jimin anyway? All he ends up saying is, “Yeah. Yeah it is.”

What he didn’t expect was his father’s expression to flatten. To fall. He didn’t expect to see the pain, the regret. His father shakes his head and storms away, leaving Jungkook to stand there with Jimin behind him, still clutching his arm.

Seonjae ignores him marching away and continues to eye the two of them like they’re nothing but entertainment. Like a vulture to the prey. “Hey Jimin, how’s the soulmate hunt going?” He gives Jungkook a very pointed look. “Good, I’m assuming?”

Jungkook wants to lash out. He wants to hit, to hurt, to draw blood. Violence is screaming in his head, and he thinks, if not for Jimin pulling him along, that he would’ve done it.

Jimin starts giggling, giggling, as they walk by him, his arm looped through Jungkook’s. “Going better than yours, so I hear. See ya!” Jimin slams into Seonjae’s shoulder in passing, and they leave him behind, mouth agape and furious.

Jungkook follows Jimin wordlessly until they make it to the car, in shock, absolute shock, like he’s moving in a dream.

Did Jimin…did he really just say that?

Jungkook grins to himself, despite everything. Grins, until something strangely wild bubble in his chest until he can’t help but burst out laughing. He’s laughing, and laughing, until a noise comes out that’s not quite a laugh, and suddenly his cheeks feel damp.

“Jungkook-ah,” Jimin says softly. He pulls Jungkook closer to him. Jungkook knows Jimin is worried. He knows he looks and sounds nothing short of hysterical right now.

But it tears out of him, so aggressively that he’s startled by its strength and how little control he has over it. Jungkook cries, and he cries until he feels like the inside of his throat and lungs are scraped raw, until every possible emotion he could feel has been expelled, never to be felt again.

Jungkook lets it eat at him until he can stop it. And that’s it. He sucks in gulps of air, slowly, so the sobs don’t break out again. He focuses on that until he can lift his head from his hands in silence and pull away from Jimin’s tight embrace. Until there’s nothing more.

Jungkook feels like he lost a part of himself just now. The part he’d been so carefully trying to put back together was shattered and laying there on the floor.

And this time, he doesn’t bother believing that he can put it back together. He doesn’t entertain himself with lies and false hope. He doesn’t feel angry anymore, or sad, or bitter.

He doesn’t feel anything. It’s blissful.

“Jungkook.” It comes out of Jimin’s mouth as a whisper, as if any louder sound would send him overboard again.

 “Let’s go,” Jungkook says, after clearing his throat enough that the words aren’t grating. “We haven’t finished shopping.”

Jimin looks like he wants to press further but maybe there’s something in Jungkook’s expression that tells him to drop it, because he does. Maybe Jimin just understands that when the shutdown switch has been flipped, it’s best to move on. “Alright. Let’s uh, go shopping closer to home? I still want boba.”

Jungkook manages a smile, and Jimin is polite enough not to comment on how much it wavers. “Sounds good, hyung.”

***

Jimin calls the day a success. Presents for his parents, a present for Taehyung, and.

And even one for Jungkook. It’ll take some extra assembly, but he thinks it’s a good choice. Regardless how shy he feels whenever he thinks about giving it to him.

Jimin struggles all evening to avoid thinking about what happened back at the mall, because every time he does, his hands start to tremble. And he can’t tell if it’s from anger, or sadness, or something else entirely.

But when Jimin locks himself in the bathroom that evening to shower, he can’t convince himself to stop thinking about it.

The way Jungkook looked at his father, that horrible, horrible man. He doesn’t even have the right to be called Jungkook’s father, he’s nothing but scum.

It does anger Jimin. He’s beyond frustrated, beyond hateful.

That’s his son, for fuck’s sake. He just doesn’t understand, doesn’t understand in any possible way what Jungkook could’ve done to warrant that. Jungkook, who’s sweet and kind and funny. There’s no part of him that deserves that.

And yes, he’s quite aware of how he used to feel about him. Jimin was ignorant. He isn’t now; he knows Jungkook.

And seeing Seonjae today, that. That felt different. Jimin felt different. He couldn’t even say he’d been angry at him. Well, yes. Yes, he can. He’ll never not be angry at Seonjae. But honestly? Seonjae’s just fucking pathetic. A useless, friendless, loveless bully. That’s all he’s ever going to be to Jimin. And it doesn’t matter if he changes and suddenly, magically becomes a good person. To Jimin, he’s nothing anymore. And it feels fantastic.

But everything about the way Jungkook looked, the way he sounded, it’s been tearing at him all evening.

What’s been the scariest is how well Jungkook shook it off. He acted perfectly normal around Jimin’s parents to the point where it was almost as if nothing happened.

And of all the things, he simply refuses to address what Jungkook’s father had said.

Jimin tries to let the scorching hot water of the shower burn away the icky feeling that clings to him. It works maybe half, but it’s enough.

***

Christmas with Jimin’s family is nice.

That’s about all Jungkook feels like describing it. It’s nothing he’s ever dealt with before, since Christmas with his parents–

No. Stop thinking about them.

It’s the hardest thing Jungkook has tried to do lately, but he’s getting there. He catches himself in these comparisons and stops them. But even if that’s the only step he can make, it isn’t the one he needs. Because he still feels empty. Hollow, even. And he just can’t help it. He can’t make those thoughts go away, the ones he’s been trying to overcome for months.

Years, at this point.

Jungkook doesn’t tell Yoongi about it. He doesn’t want to keep secrets from his hyung, but there’s something holding his tongue. For right now, at least. He tells himself that he doesn’t want to ruin the holidays. That’s all. It’s also why he doesn’t talk to Jimin.

No one else needs to have their break ruined by the stupid shit in Jungkook’s brain.

So he keeps to himself. And luckily Jimin can tell that it’s not something he wants to talk about yet, if ever. He doesn’t make a comment about how quiet Jungkook is being. In fact, it seems like Jimin is compensating for Jungkook by being extra loud and rambunctious.

Although he wonders if he can blame it all on the sugar Jimin consumed.

When the evening rolls around and everything has quieted from the holiday buzz, Jungkook and Jimin watch a movie in Jimin’s room. Jungkook feels nervous. He didn’t get any other present for Jimin other than the super late one he still had for his birthday, and he just wasn’t able to bring himself to give it to him in front of his parents. “Jimin?”

“Hmm?” Jimin’s laying on his stomach at the foot of his bed, staring at the movie. Jungkook hadn’t really been interested in it; he’d mostly been trying to summon some courage.

“Merry Christmas.” Jungkook holds out an envelope and notices that his hands are shaking. My God, get a grip. “Or, happy super late birthday and Merry Christmas.”

Jimin looks from the envelope to Jungkook’s face and then sits up. “Jungkookie, you didn’t have to get me anything for either.”

“I wanted to.”

Jimin opens the envelope and slides out two slips of paper. Two tickets, to be exact. Tickets to – “Oh my God. You didn’t.”

Jungkook smiles. He might be blushing, but Jimin is too fascinated by the tickets he’s holding in his hands. A ballet performance in Seoul this upcoming spring. Swan Lake. “You said you’ve always wanted to see it live.”

Jimin continues to stare, mouth opening and closing like he isn’t sure what to say. And when he does speak, his voice comes out so small. “You remembered?”

The statement shocks Jungkook a little. Why wouldn’t he remember? “Of course I did.”

Jimin finally looks up at him. “Thank you,” he says. “This is so sweet, oh my God. Are you coming with me? You better come with me.”

“I figured you and Taehyung would go, or you and Hoseok-”

“I want you to come with me,” Jimin says.

Jungkook’s heart skips a beat, and he looks down. Jimin really wants him to go? Over Taehyung? “I’d love to go with you.”

“Great, then you’re coming.” Jimin hops off his bed and moves over to the desk in the corner of his room. He pulls open a drawer and removes an object wrapped in  paper. “I’m glad you’re just as awkward as me and didn’t want to do this in front of my parents.” Jimin hands Jungkook the gift, and Jungkook gently takes it. “Merry Christmas, Jungkook-ah.”

Jungkook holds it in his hands. It’s wrapped neatly, with light pink tissue paper. He’s almost afraid to tear it. Instead, he peels back the tape as best as he can to reveal a book. A journal, actually, he realizes as he pulls it out completely. Black and soft to the touch, like leather. Jungkook unties the front and looks at the crisp paper inside, half lined and half–

“Sheet music,” Jungkook whispers, running his fingers down the pages in the back half of the book.

“I know you like music, and singing,” Jimin says. When Jungkook looks at him, his face is red and he’s fiddling with the blanket on his bed. “Yoongi said you write songs all the time. I figured you’d like a place to keep it all. And if you wanted to try composition, you could keep it in the same place. Sorry if it’s cringy, I just thought – oh!”

Jungkook leans over the bed and throws his arms around Jimin. His heart is slamming against his ribcage to the point where it hurts. He clenches his eyes shut. “Thank you, hyung. I love it.”

I love you.

“I’m glad you do. I didn’t know if you’d think it was weird or something,” Jimin says into Jungkook’s shoulder.

Jungkook pulls away from Jimin’s embrace, as much as he really didn’t want to, so it didn’t turn awkward, or worse – obvious. “It’s not weird. It’s not weird at all.”

Jimin smiles at him. “Merry Christmas?”

“Merry Christmas.”

Jimin secures the tickets in the back of his phone case, grinning as he does so. Jungkook can’t help but grinning as well. Seeing the happiness on Jimin’s face gives him butterflies.

Maybe I should tell him, Jungkook thinks all of a sudden. It’s like the thought bursts into existence, catching him off guard. Intrusive. No. He can’t. Not yet.

But maybe…

Maybe he should think about it more. Maybe there could be a chance.

Jungkook touches the soft cover of the journal, tying the strings to secure it closed. New Years is coming up soon. Maybe that should be his resolution.

I’ll tell him then.

Jungkook falls asleep on Jimin’s bed that night, finally starting to feel just slightly better after encountering his family enough that his mind shuts off for the night. Any other time, had he not been weighed down with exhaustion, he wouldn’t have risked passing out where Jimin sleeps, or where Jimin could wake him up and tell him to go the fuck back to the couch.

But Jimin doesn’t bother waking him up at all as he too lays down to sleep.

***

The next holiday of break sneaks up on them quickly. It’s New Year’s Eve, technically, and Jimin can’t sleep. It’s past two in the morning, and his thoughts have been too scattered the past few days for him to even hope he could rest peacefully. And for the love of God, he doesn’t know why. It’s enough to cause him to schedule a therapy session with Dr. Lee as soon as he gets back to Seoul.

Jimin wanders downstairs to the kitchen, careful not to wake Jungkook as he sleeps on the couch. Maybe some warm herbal tea will help him calm down enough to feel drowsy. He can only read Webtoons on his phone for so long before he gets bored.

Just as he’s dunking a tea bag into his water, he hears, “Are you having trouble sleeping?”

Water sloshes out of the mug as Jimin jumps. He’s lucky it didn’t fucking burn him, with his clumsy ass history. His mother stands behind him, head tilted.

Jimin sighs. “Yeah, a bit.”

She sits down at the kitchen table, tapping it to request that he follows. So, he does. Jimin grabs his tea and sits across from her. “What’s bothering you?”

Jimin wants to laugh. If he knew, he’s sure he’d be able to work through it and then sleep. He watches the water of his tea swirl and absorb the herbs’ flavoring. “I have no idea, honestly. I can’t work out my emotions right now.”

“Does it have anything to do with Jungkook?”

Jimin’s eyes snap up to hers, and his first reaction is to deny. Why would it have anything to do with Jungkook?

But then he thinks. Maybe it does. He’s not sure how, but. Maybe. And he’s thinking about this, as he takes a sip of his fresh tea, when his mother says–

“Do you have feelings for Jungkook?”

Jimin chokes. The tea scalds his throat on the way down and he coughs. He sees his mom’s eyes widen, and he tries to keep quiet since there are some people in this house who know how to sleep, but he’s dying. He’s pretty sure he’s allowed to be loud about it.

“I think I’m going to take that reaction as something of a yes,” she says, chuckling.

“I do not, thank you,” Jimin rasps out, wiping hot water from his chin where it dripped. Fucking nice, it’s on his shirt too. Well, whatever. It’s not like he’s going to sleep anyway. “He’s my friend.”

“So is Taehyung, and I’ve never seen you look at him the way you do Jungkook.”

Jimin stares at her. “Because they’re two different people. I have a look for both of them!”

His mother raises a brow at him. Does she think he’s lying? “I’m just saying, dear. I understand how you feel about love and soulmates and all of that because of what happened-”

“Do you?” Jimin says quietly. “Do you understand? Because I don’t. I’ve been trying to rationalize everything to myself for years and all I know how to do is avoid it, because it’s easier than lying to myself about feelings I’m supposed to have but don’t know if I do.”

He hadn’t quite expected to say that, if he’s being honest with himself. His mother looks startled as well that those words came out of his mouth. “Jimin, honey, I’m not trying to make you upset.”

“I know you aren’t, eomma. I just don’t know myself enough,” he says, hands clasped around his mug. He savors its warmth, because suddenly everything felt colder than before.

His mother stands up, placing a kiss on his head before heading back to her room. “It’s okay that you don’t know. You’re young; you’re not meant to know everything about yourself yet.”

Jimin sits there for a long while after that, sipping on his tea until the sun starts to rise. When he finally drags himself to his bed, he’s able to sleep at least a little bit.

***

Jungkook is warned ahead of time about how overly enthusiastic Taehyung is about celebrating New Year’s with Jimin. It’s dramatic enough that Jimin’s parents take a day trip further into the city to let the boys celebrate that night, as they have done for years and probably will continue to do well past their time.

It’s also Taehyung’s birthday party.

It’s just the four of them in Jimin’s living room tonight, with pizza and drinks and way too many snacks. Yoongi gives Jungkook the side eye when he pours himself a drink, and another, but he promises his hyung he’ll be safe tonight, and convinces him that since it’s a holiday, he should just relax and enjoy the vibe.

Plus, he’s going to need some liquid courage, given what he’s trying to hype himself up to say to Jimin.

“If you mean enjoy the vibe of your chaos, then it appears I have no choice,” Yoongi says to him, followed by a shot of something deemed too strong for Jungkook’s fragile sanity.

Jungkook hasn’t told Yoongi about what happened at the mall, and neither has Jimin told Taehyung. It’s as if the two of them decided not to speak of it, lest it poke a sleeping bear that they would rather not provoke quite yet.

The four of them watch some scary movie as they pass the hours until midnight. Jungkook thinks it’s dumb – not at all scary – and it seems like Yoongi agrees. But in between the two of them sits Jimin and Taehyung, who are clinging to each other and watching the screen with nervous eyes. They jump at the slightest sound.

Yoongi clears his throat. “It’s not like you have a soulmate you could cuddle, Taehyung.”

“Yoongi, if you’re scared, you can cuddle Jungkook,” Taehyung says.

Jungkook and Yoongi lock eyes, and Jungkook wiggles his brows. Yoongi rolls his eyes, but even that doesn’t remove the happiness and amusement from his face.

He calls me a simp.

Jungkook is pleasantly drunk by the time the movie ends, as is everyone else, it seems. Taehyung has already passed out across Yoongi’s lap, so he’s probably going to miss New Year’s. Neither of them seem concerned though. Yoongi smiles to himself as he runs his fingers through Taehyung’s faded blue hair.

Jimin taps Jungkook on the shoulder, and while his response is a bit delayed, he looks over at him. “Wanna go to the roof?”

Jungkook’s eyes grow wide. “That um. Doesn’t sound safe at all.”

Yoongi gives him a scorching look. Jungkook absolutely refuses to meet it, but he can feel the heat of his stare. And it's not like he doesn't understand. The last time he got piss drunk and stood on a roof, some really bad shit almost happened.

Jimin giggles. “It’s a balcony. I go there all the time. Come on.” He grabs Jungkook’s arm and pulls him off the couch, and so he follows Jimin to this mysterious balcony that he didn’t know existed, whispering “I’ll be fine, goddamn it” to Yoongi as he leaves the living room. It peeks out from the window in Jimin’s father’s office.

With two blankets for each of them, they sit on the balcony and watch the cityscape out below them. It’s cold, but at least there’s no snow on the ground right now. Actually, the cold air feels nice against his hot face, because his heart is pounding enough to flush his skin. He shouldn’t be so nervous. It’s not a big deal, right? All that’s needed is a casual, Hey I’m your soulmate lols.

They sit there in silence. But it’s not awkward. It’s kind of blissful, relaxing almost, for Jungkook to just let his mind wander and not have to worry about the nerves. Because the alcohol does a great job of numbing that for him the longer it scorches his bloodstream.

“Jungkookie,” Jimin says, breaking minutes of quiet. “Can I ask you a question?”

Jungkook frowns. “Of course. What’s up?”

“It’s personal.” Jimin’s voice is lower than normal. Jungkook knows it’s because the alcohol is weighing it down. It’s also likely weighing Jimin’s thoughts down, given how somber he looks right now.

That causes Jungkook to perk up a bit, but regardless, he answers with, “It’s okay, hyung. What’s on your mind?”

It seems to take a moment for Jimin to find the right words. Jungkook doesn’t know if that means it’s a serious topic, or if the alcohol is making it harder. Either way, he starts to get nervous. “What…what happened?”

“I don’t know what you mean,” Jungkook says.

“I just don’t understand,” he whispers. “I don’t understand. Why did they kick you out? What did Seonjae know about you?”

Jungkook tenses. He doesn’t quite mean to, but it takes him way off guard. “Um. Well, it’s complicated.”

“You don’t have to tell me,” Jimin says suddenly. “That was too much for me to ask, I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay. Really. It’s okay.” Jungkook takes a shuddery breath that has nothing to do with the cold. Maybe this is happening for a reason. Maybe he’s supposed to tell Jimin right now. “It’s because of – it’s because of my soulmate.”

Jimin turns his head sharply to look at Jungkook. “What?”

“Seonjae knew,” Jungkook feels his throat close up. He clears it, “He, uh, knew that my…that my soulmate was a guy.” He knew it was you. Come on, Jungkook, just say it.

Jimin stares at him, like that was the last thing he expected Jungkook to say. “They kicked you out of your own home, out of your own family, because of a matter you couldn’t even control?”

Jungkook simply nods. “It’s fine. The past is the past, right?”

“I – what? Jungkook, no. I’m not stupid, I can tell this hurts you.”

“What am I gonna do about it?” Jungkook ends up snapping. “I’ve already lost enough. I don’t need my parents, not when they’ve ruined such a big part of me that I don’t know if I’ll ever get it back.” He can tell the sudden aggression startles Jimin. It startles him, too, because of all the things he wanted to say tonight, that wasn’t it. This wasn’t the conversation he wanted. But he can’t stop it. “I don’t understand either. I don’t know what I did to be so unloved. But it’s all that tears me apart, and I don’t know how to work through it, I’ve never known how to work through it, and now? Seonjae tore away my only promise of love.”

“Is that what you meant then?” Jimin asks. “When I asked you if you believed in love, you said you believe in yours. You trust your love because you know it’s real.”

Jungkook’s chest tightens. He nods again, because he knows he doesn’t have to explain in so many words to Jimin. Jimin seems to understand him, all the time. I believe in loving you, he wants to say, but now the idea of telling him is trapped, struggling to escape. “Hyung. I have something to tell you.”

It comes out so quiet that he’s not even sure he says it. But, can he really do it? After all this time telling himself that one day, when Jimin cared for him as himself, he could tell him the truth, can he actually get the words out?

Or is the fear that’s constricting around his heart like a fucking snake going to win out yet again? And again, and again, and again, until nothing comes out.

“What about your soulmate? I don’t think we’ve ever touched that subject.” Jimin asks. Because he can tell, of course. Jungkook looks like he’s about to pass out right now, so of course he changes the subject. But the subject change could be what he needs.

This is it. This is what fate calls “now or never,” Jungkook thinks. He’s just got to say it. You are my soulmate. Four words, four fucking words.

But.

Goddamn it.

“What about yours, hyung? What do you think about soulmates?”

Jungkook is a fucking idiot.

Jimin huffs out a breath and pulls the blanket tighter around his shoulders. He takes a long drink from the bottle beside him before slamming it down again. “Remember I told you that something felt like it was missing but I didn’t know what? And I said I’d tell you when I figured it out?”

“Yeah?”

Jimin looks at him, and Jungkook did not expect to see him crying. “I think I know what it is. I think I might’ve realized after I talked to my mom last night.”

Jungkook isn’t sure why, but terror pulls out him. “What are you missing?”

“My soulmate,” he says.

Jungkook’s pretty sure the alcohol in his stomach nearly makes him throw up. What is happening. “Hyung-”

“I miss what it’s supposed to be. I miss feeling the excitement and thrill of having a soulmark, knowing someone would love me. But this? This is a fucking curse. I hate it, I don’t want it. I miss when it was good.” Jimin pulls his knees to his chest and cries into the blanket. Jungkook wants to reach out, but. But– “But I don’t want it anymore. I don’t want the soulmate the universe gave me, not when this fucking mess came with it. If it was meant to be, if this person was meant to be, then why did it go this way? What did I do that led to everyone hurting me with something that was supposed to represent love?”

Jungkook falls silent. He intends on staying that way. Because if he opens his mouth right now, he isn’t sure anymore that words will come out as anything more than a ghost.

Jimin doesn’t want his soulmate. Jimin doesn’t want him. Ever.

“Do you think…” Jimin’s words are raw, scraped by the rush of emotions that poured out of him. “Do you think I’m aromantic?”

“I-I don’t know,” Jungkook mumbles. “What do you feel?”

“I don’t know either.”

Aromantic. The word ricochets around Jungkook’s chest. But everything that hurts goes numb in that moment, because Jimin is his friend. He’s done enough right that no matter what the universe decided, he gets to be Jimin’s friend. And that? That can be enough. That will be enough.

Because he knows this. Jungkook has always known this. He isn’t meant for this. He isn’t meant to be loved, and he never has been.

He takes another sip of his drink. “Whatever you feel or need, hyung, I’m here for you.”

“Fuck soulmates,” Jimin sniffs. “Fuck being heartbroken.”

Jungkook drinks to that.

Chapter Text

The seven of them don’t see each other for at least a whole week and a half after the start of the semester. Mostly Yoongi and Jin, since they’ll be graduating at the end and have a million more things than the rest of them to stress over.

It saddens Jimin to think about. He’s known both of them less than a year but the thought of them being separated from the group upsets him. Although he’s going to see Yoongi more often than he probably cares for – he is Tae’s soulmate after all – but he hopes it doesn’t boil down to only seeing Jin-hyung on a television screen. But he doubts that too, because he’s sure Jin will be miserable without his five children and clumsy soulmate to look after.

Jimin stresses about his classes just like the rest of them. This is his last semester of intro choreography labs before he steps up to the big league like Hoseok. Which also means leaving Jungkook behind to mentor a new member.

He’s also been stressed about Jungkook, but that’s a thought he’s walking around precariously and refusing to actually think about.

Often he fails. It’s fine though.

One of the best things about the new semester is that Taehyung’s classes now fall in line with his and Hoseok’s, and so the three of them are able to meet up for coffee every other day. So the first time they get the chance to, they grab a drink and try to calm down amidst the hectic school year.

“So, are you going to tell us what’s been bothering you?” Taehyung says out of nowhere. Jimin eyes him over the top of his cup. But when he looks at Hoseok, he has a similar questioning expression.

“What do you mean? I’m fine.”

Taehyung scoffs. “Sure you are. So what’s wrong? You’ve been acting off since New Year’s. Not a good vibe to start the year with, Chim. Good vibes only.”

Jimin looks at Hoseok pleadingly. Hoseok shrugs. “He’s right. You seem stuck in thoughts that you don’t wanna be stuck in.”

“Did something happen with Jungkook?” Taehyung asks boldly. Based on the sharp look Jimin accidentally gives him, Taehyung nods. “Ah, so the answer is yes.”

Jimin sighs. Really, what’s going to hurt him to tell his friends? Isn’t that what they’re here for? He picks up a coffee stirrer and mixes some sugar into his drink. He’s not going to admit it to anyone, but Jungkook has him adding just a tiny bit to his normal favorite for months now. “Jungkook and I had a weird heart-to-heart when you and Yoongi were asleep.”

Taehyung and Hoseok give each other a look that Jimin can’t quite place. “What, um. What kind of heart-to-heart?” Tae asks.

Jimin shrugs. They look flighty, and Jimin wants to call them out for acting weird, but it’s whatever. They’re always weird. “About life. About soulmates. Stupid shit.” Taehyung honestly looks like he’s about to combust. “Are you okay?”

“I’m good. I just know how you are about soulmates and stuff. And about Jungkook. And, um, stuff. So you’re being…” Taehyung searches for his words. “You’re being very calm about this. So what kind of soulmate shit?”

Is Jimin really going to admit this? He feels like a damn idiot. His own emotions and fears don’t make any sense to him anymore. Like it’s blocked, and he’s only about to see glimpse of them behind these walls he didn’t even mean to build. As if that metaphor made fucking sense to him either. He blames Jungkook.

Because Jungkook has been on his mind a lot lately.

“I’m just bothered by what I said to him, because it didn’t feel true, even at the time.” Jimin takes another sip. Taehyung and Hoseok are watching him expectantly. They’re the ones acting strange today, not him. “I said I might be aromantic. That I don’t know how to love anymore, and so I just can’t have a soulmate. And I don’t know if I believe it or if I was just drunk, but I also don’t want to completely dismiss it. I don’t know. I’m just fucking broken honestly.”

The three of them are quiet after that. Jimin thinks maybe he said too much, thinks maybe these thoughts are stupid enough that his friends can now see it, but then Hoseok says, “I don’t think you’re broken, or that you can’t love, you know? I think it’s the opposite, actually.”

“Yeah,” Taehyung throws in. He gives Jimin that comforting look that’s grown well with him over the years. The one that’s seen Jimin through his better and worse days. “I mean, you’re definitely capable of love. That’s who you are. You love people. People love you. Like, how can they not? You’re adorable.” Jimin wants to remind him of high school and all that came with it, but he forces himself to accept the compliment. “But I think you love so much and so hard that you’re just tired of being hurt by that very same love? If that makes any fucking sense, I don’t know, man.”

“And you’re just tired of your soulmate’s words being an outlet for your pain, and that’s why you’ve kind of rejected the soulmate thing?” Hoseok adds. “Corny, I know. But coming from someone who has experienced a similar type of bitterness to what you’re feeling, I get it. It doesn’t mean you don’t want it. It just means you don’t want this.”

Jimin sighs heavily. They’re probably right. No, okay, they are right. Because telling Jungkook he thinks he can’t love anyone felt like a lie. It felt wrong.

It felt extra wrong to tell Jungkook, who has his own issues that Jimin feels like he completely dismissed. Jungkook, who’s dealt with so much more than him and only knows how to hurt and deal with rejection.

There it is again. Jungkook on his mind.

Jimin scoops up his drink and rises from the booth. “Our first coffee meet-up doesn’t need to be so depressing. I promise I’m fine. Let’s go for a walk instead.”

Taehyung and Hoseok exchange another look that Jimin can’t decipher. It makes him feel like there’s an unspoken secret that he’s not aware of, and he isn’t quite sure he likes it.

But whatever. Jimin has class soon and no time, or energy, to care.

***

It’s a progression Jungkook actually catches onto this time, but he’s spiraling. He feels it, with each intrusive thought that somehow manages to get stronger and more aggressive despite how aware he is now. There’s nothing more frustrating.

Kill yourself.

Shut the fuck up and let me do my homework.

What’s it really going to hurt if you just do it?

I gotta get this paper done, dammit.

Jungkook is tired. He’s tired, and he doesn’t want to be here.

He listens to music as he arranges bouquets and prints out cards, anything to keep his head full of sounds louder than his thoughts, but it barely helps. He’s overthinking, and self-hating, and he just feels guilty for acting this dramatic, even if it’s just towards himself.

It’s Jimin’s choice, and I need to respect that and get over myself.

But he can be upset, right? He’s allowed to feel this way. What matters here is Jimin, and Jimin doesn’t want this.

Jungkook sighs through his nose. He can’t stop thinking about this shit, can he? If it’s not Jimin, then it’s his parents.

Whatever. Whatever. It doesn’t fucking matter, because it’s not bothering anyone else, and he just needs to calm the fuck down.

Wouldn’t be a problem if you’d just jumped off that building last year before Yoongi grabbed you, now would it.

Shut the literal fuck up.

Jungkook is losing his mind. Sometimes he really feels like listening. But he supposes his friends would miss him. Yoongi would miss him.

But do they really need you when they have each other? They were fine before you showed up.

He wishes he could convince himself that it wasn’t true. But all his mind comes up with are excuses. That Yoongi spends a lot more time with Taehyung, he has Taehyung, he’ll be fine. Everyone has each other. Is he really an essential piece?

Mimi needs me at the shop. I can’t leave.

She hired you off the street. She can do it for someone else. You don’t matter.

These thoughts keep him so captured within his own little mindset that he jumps when Mimi appears beside him, as if his thoughts summoned her. “Oh, you startled me.”

She says nothing at first, merely holding out a muffin to him. And of course he takes it from her. He really needs to stop eating all these muffins. “You look like shit.”

Jungkook presses his lips together. “I’ve been better.”

Mimi jerks her head to the left and starts towards her desk in the back. He follows, holding the muffin in his hand and eyeing it. It’s blueberry today. He loves the blueberry ones.

She flicks her wrist at the chair across from her desk, where he slowly takes a seat. “Have I done something wrong?”

Mimi sits across from him and gives him a quizzical look. “What, am I not allowed to check in on you? You’ve looked like a kicked puppy since you returned from break. I just want to know if you’re doing alright.”

Jungkook hadn’t been expecting this at all. He nods his head. “I’m fine.”

“I know you’re not going to share how you really feel. I can see that it’s not who you are. You don’t want to burden others. You want everyone else to be put before you. It’s why you won’t tell that boy the truth.”

Jungkook wants to protest, but what’s there to protest?

Mimi continues, “I just want you to promise me one thing. Just one thing.”

Jungkook swallows. He doesn’t like where this is going. “Sure?”

“I know you’re going to force yourself into solitude. But promise me that when the time comes and you really need it, you’ll let your friends help you, and that you won’t let yourself go too far.”

That’s a strong promise to make. That’s too much responsibility for him. But nonetheless, what is he going to tell her? “I-I promise.”

“Good.” Mimi nods at the muffin in his hand. “Now eat and get back to it.”

Jungkook is too startled to respond. He eats his muffin in silence and returns to the flowers. They don’t force him to make promises he won’t keep.

***

The most intense party of the semester passes without the same insanity that the last one did. Jimin does not run into anymore familiar faces and does not have a nervous breakdown. And as for Jungkook.

Well, he didn’t come to Jin’s party, much to the disappointment of the six of them.

They’re hanging out again, a few weeks later, trying to adjust to even more conflicting schedules than normal. Jimin still appreciates how much the seven of them make time for each other. This is a friendship he never thought he’d find outside of Taehyung.

A movie is playing on Jin’s parent’s incredibly large television. Jin made a whole buffet of food that they’re eagerly making their way through. College students can never get enough free food.

But undeniably, things just aren’t the same without Jungkook there. Jimin feels it hard, and he knows everyone else does too just by how quiet the conversation falls and how often the others look around or look at the front door, hoping he’ll show up. Yoongi said Jungkook was still at work, but Jimin knows his shift ends at five. It’s past seven.

Jimin braves texting him.

ChimChim<3 [19:16] hurry up and come over

ChimChim<3 [19:16] we miss u :(

Jimin types out a message, but he deletes it. And then he shakes his head and types it out anyway. Jungkook is his friend. Why the fuck is he stepping around his words so much?

ChimChim<3 [19:18] I miss u

ChimChim<3 [19:18] hope ur feeling ok

Not even five minutes later, Yoongi sits up with his phone in his hand. “Jungkook just texted me.” All eyes turn to him as he repeats the message. “Said he wasn’t feeling the best and wants to lay down at home.”

Jimin feels something in his chest deflate almost. He feels his face turn red, even though no one notices. He starts wondering if maybe he specifically did something wrong? Grabbing his phone, he checks it. No new messages.

He tries not to take it to heart. Maybe Jungkook’s just having a really rough evening and wanted to text his roommate first. No need for Jimin to act like a scolded child.

“He hasn’t really been around a lot lately,” Namjoon says. “Is he doing alright?”

Yoongi sighs and rubs at his face. “He claims to be busy, but how much busier can the freshman be over the two seniors?”

“I mean he is a double major, right?” Hoseok throws in. “Could be the extra workload. Although he does seem extra quiet in that one class I have with him.”

“I don’t know, he seems like he has a lot on his plate. He really hasn’t talked to me much lately,” Yoongi says.

“He keeps ignoring the memes I text him,” Taehyung pouts. “And they’re funny, too.”

Jimin jumps when Namjoon calls his name. “Jimin-ah, he spent the holidays with you, didn’t he? Was he acting strange then? Like, off or something?”

Oh fuck. He hadn’t been expecting to be completely put on the spot. How much do they know about Jungkook’s past? How much is he even allowed to say? Jungkook never expressed that he didn’t want to tell them about his dad, but based on the fact that he didn’t tell Yoongi at all over break, Jimin assumes some part of Jungkook wants to avoid the drama.

But Jungkook has been torn up since that encounter. Since New Year’s. Jimin won’t lie about it. “Um. Well, yeah. Yeah, a bit.”

Yoongi’s eyes seem to narrow at him. Jimin tries not to fidget. “Did something happen?”

What should he do? Tell Yoongi what happened? Jimin feels like it’s not his secret to tell, but. He wasn’t explicitly told to keep it a secret. And besides, Jungkook is really withdrawn right now, so it’s probably safer for Jungkook if Jimin tells. “I don’t think he wanted me to tell anyone, but. But we ran into his dad at the mall. And, and Seonjae, too. It wasn’t pleasant.”

Yoongi stares at him, lips pressed together in a thin line. Jimin thinks he’s just considering what to say, how to take in this information.

And then he stands up without a single word and storms out the front door.

Taehyung shoots up out of his seat and calls after him, but Yoongi’s gone. The six of them stare at each other, uncertain of the next step.

What just happened , Jimin thinks. Is Yoongi upset at him for not speaking up sooner? His heart is pounding. God, he hopes Jungkook’s okay.

Jimin checks his phone one more time. Nothing. Not even a Read notification.

ChimChim<3 [19:35] I’m sorry

ChimChim<3 [19:35] I didn’t know if I should tell yoongi hyung about what happened at the mall w/ ur dad

ChimChim<3 [19:35] but I did

ChimChim<3 [19:36] we’re all worried about you Jungkook

ChimChim<3 [19:36] and more than anything we want you to know we’re here for you

ChimChim<3 [19:36] im here

ChimChim<3 [19:37] I’ll always be here <3

***

Yoongi rarely makes scenes. But he knows his friends are concerned as he storms out of Jin’s house without so much as a word after Jimin tells him what happened. He goes straight home, and he finds Jungkook there, thank God. Yoongi isn’t sure what he thought Jungkook was going to do in that short span he was away that he hasn’t done yet, but now that he knows why Jungkook’s been way more distant than normal…

His fucking father. Of course. And Seonjae. The way both Jimin and Jungkook must be feeling, having to see Seonjae, for the victims to have to see their abuser. Yoongi could kill someone right now. After that shock, he didn’t feel in the mood to be around his friends. He just wanted to talk to Jungkook.

Jungkook is laying on the couch, curled up under the knitted blanket Yoongi’s mom made. He looks like he might be halfway to falling asleep. Yoongi slams the door behind him without meaning to, and he knows it startles the living hell out of Jungkook. He jumps. “Hyung, you know I don’t like-”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Jungkook’s mouth snaps shut when he realizes Yoongi barged in just to yell at him. He rises slowly to a sitting position, shaking the blanket from his shoulders. Yoongi can see it in his expression that he knows exactly what he’s referring to, but even so, Jungkook says, “I – what do you mean?”

“Why didn’t you tell me about your dad, Jungkook?”

Jungkook is calm as he answers. Calm, and unfazed, which makes Yoongi feel even more manic than he does right now. “Because I don’t want to talk about it and I didn’t want you acting as dramatic as you are right now.”

This kid did not. “Dramatic? Dramatic? It’s dramatic for me to care about you?”

“I’m not your problem, Yoongi, or your responsibility. You don’t have to watch over me all the time.”

To say Yoongi is frustrated is an understatement, but he also knows he’s not being fair. Jungkook probably needs some kind of gentle guidance, but when the idea of losing him gets engrained in his mind, Yoongi becomes a bit much. A bit parent-like. “Why can’t you just let people love you, Jungkook? Why do you push everyone away and assume we never do?”

“Because I’m fucked up! Because I don’t care anymore!” Jungkook yells. “Is that enough for you? Is that what you want to hear, since you want the truth so fucking bad?”

And then he storms into his room.

Yoongi stands there in shock. He racks his memory, but honestly there isn’t a time he can recall where Jungkook has ever raised his voice at him like that. Not that he cares, but it’s out of character. Jungkook is out of character.

And for the first time in a while, he admits to himself that he’s scared that the night he pulled Jungkook off that ledge will be a repeat occurrence.

And he’s scared he won’t get there in time for that fall.

***

KookieMonster [02:46] hey

KookieMonster [02:46] it’s ok, I should’ve told him anyway

KookieMonster [02:46] not ur fault. Not mad either.

KookieMonster [02:47] im doing ok

KookieMonster [02:47] miss you guys

KookieMonster [03:21] miss u most

***

A week after snapping at Yoongi, Jungkook thinks maybe, maybe he should show up to his therapy appointment, at least to make it up to him in some way. It’s been a while – a few months at least. But today he feels slightly less like he wants to die than most days, so he’s taking advantage of it. No dying now.

Not today, anyway. Maybe tomorrow.

The bus takes him to the farther edge of the city. The building is familiar and foreign at the same time. He supposes that’s what happens when he skips his appointment five times in a row. Six? Who knows. It’s like visiting a friend again. If that friend was bitchy, unhelpful, and hard on your self-esteem and will to live.

Honestly, he’s surprised his therapist hasn’t referred him elsewhere and is still willing to see him.

Jungkook sighs. He needs to get his headspace in check, he knows that. Especially with classes starting up. He needs to get this right. He knows what happened last time, and he refuses to feel as hopeless as he did then.

Although just because one is aware of the power that being a complete mental disaster holds, it doesn’t make it any fucking easier to fix.

This is Jungkook’s one shot. Maybe he doesn’t feel like he can do it for himself, but he can at least do it for Yoongi.

His therapist is ecstatic when he enters his office. Dr. Do encourages Jungkook to take a seat as soon as he walks in. “It’s nice to see you again, Jungkook. Let’s hop right into it. What’s been going on? I haven’t seen you for months.”

“I’ve just been going through a lot,” Jungkook says. He shifts uncomfortably in the stiff ass chair, the fabric scratching at his arms. He sure didn’t miss this office, with its fake plants and unpleasant color schemes. Aren’t therapists’ offices supposed to make you feel relaxed? Jungkook is not relaxed.

“Have you been taking your medication?”

Jungkook wants to roll his eyes so bad. “They don’t work anymore, not like they used to. They make my mood worse now. And when my mood is bad, so are the thoughts.”

Dr. Do scribbles something down. “We’ll try for a few more weeks. And if that doesn’t work, we’ll up the dosage.”

“Can’t I try a different kind?”

“We haven’t given this one a proper course. Keep trying. I’ll send in a prescription for a refill.”

Jungkook grits his teeth. See, this is why he didn’t want to come back here. He’s not taking those fucking suicide pills.

“What else has been bothering you? Have the suicidal thoughts come back?”

Yes, that’s the whole goddamn problem here. “They’re not that bad. I’ve just had some family issues. And, um.” Jungkook really doesn’t want to share this. But what’s the point of lying to your therapist? “Some soulmate issues as well.”

He swallows down more discomfort and tries his best to tell Dr. Do what’s been happening. He tries to rationalize that ever-present thought that he would be better out of everyone’s life, that he’s unlovable, all the things that Yoongi tries to have him self-reflect on. Hyung’s a better therapist than this guy, and he makes music for a goddamn living. When Jungkook finishes, he has to take a deep breath. He feels a headache starting.

Dr. Do writes in his stupid little notebook for what feels like forever. As if Jungkook didn’t just unload the biggest burdens in his heart. When he’s finally done, he looks up at Jungkook with a knowing head nod. “I see. It sounds like you’ve really got the short end of the stick when it comes to the universe, Jungkook. A lot about the soulmate development has seemed to have broken you down.”

Well, he wouldn’t have gone that far as to outright say it, but cool. “I mean, my parents haven’t helped.”

“I’m sure they love you, Jungkook, you’re their son.”

“They really don’t. Who disowns their kid over something they had no choice over? I never asked for a male soulmate.”

Dr. Do shakes his head. “Sometimes parents think tough love is the answer.”

“Tough lo – I’m sorry, do you hear yourself?” Jungkook snaps. “That’s not love. That has never been love.”

“I understand.” Jungkook’s outburst doesn’t faze him at all. Dr. Do opens a drawer on his desk and rummages around. Jungkook stares at him, chest rising unreasonably quick. Dr. Do removes a pamphlet of sorts and hands it to him across the desk. “I want you to consider this, Jungkook. Because based on the research I’ve done and the circumstances of your situation, I think this may be something you need.”

Jungkook tries really hard not to snatch it off the desk. He takes in the bright colors and obnoxious font choices and–

Oh.

“You, you think I need this?” Jungkook’s voice comes out as a whisper. His heart wallops in his chest aggressively until the point where he has to tear his eyes away from the words.

“I think it could help you come to terms with what this inevitably seems to be. You seem to be struggling a lot with how to move forward without your soulmate.”

“But I-”

“I hear it’s a really good program.”

Jungkook clutches the paper in his hand so hard that his knuckles turn white. “It doesn’t make sense.” He hates how wobbly his voice is. He doesn’t want Dr. Do to know how much this thought terrifies him. He doesn’t want this truth. He looks down at the words until they become blurry. Until his cheeks are damp and he can’t look away.

“Try it out. We’ll evaluate moving forward with this next session.” His voice is gentle, but Jungkook knows that’s his cue to get ready to leave. “I’ll send in that prescription right after you leave. Would you like to schedule a follow-up for two weeks? What times are you available?”

Jungkook stands up so quickly that it startles Dr. Do. He wipes hard at his eyes. “No, thanks. I don’t need a follow-up.” He throws open his door and storms outside, out of this stupid building, out to the bus stop. His eyes won’t stop fucking watering.

He sees the bus driving up to the stop from down the street. With one last angry swipe at his eyes, Jungkook crumbles up the pamphlet and jams it into his jacket pocket, where the words Soulmate Misassignment Recovery can’t bother him with their existence.

The bus drops him off about a mile and a half away from his apartment with Yoongi. He starts in that direction in a daze, watching his feet move one right in front of the other, because it’s easier to focus on that than to focus on whatever the fuck he’s feeling about himself right now. The evening is starting to settle in, the sky darkening quickly, and it’s starting to get chilly. Maybe it’s supposed to snow, he isn’t sure.

Up ahead is the little convenience store that he always grabbed a snack from when he actually did try to go to therapy often, as a reward. He decides maybe he’s deserving of a reward this time, after that shit show of a meeting. So he walks across the street and in through the doors. He moves towards the back, where the freezer full of ice cream is – because sad people eat ice cream, right? – but something stops him.

Jungkook does not grab something from the ice cream section. He knew, as soon as he saw it, that he was going to go towards the alcohol. In fact, he may have been coming towards it the whole time. And so, on impulse, Jungkook buys two bottles of peach soju, and leaves the store.

At this point, there’s too much noise in his head to hear the cry that this is a bad idea. A very bad, very horrible, very not Yoongi-approved idea.

But he stopped caring when he got off the bus.

Jungkook pops the top off one bottle and starts downing it in gulps. It burns, and the peach taste overlays the subtle bitterness that is alcohol. He drinks and drinks, because he knows he can’t go home right now.

Home . Wherever that is. Sometimes he thinks it’s with Yoongi. Sometimes he thinks it doesn’t exist and never has existed.

Jungkook finishes the first bottle way too quickly, and by the time he gets the top off the second bottle, he’s way past his apartment and his center of gravity is off. He sways.

It’s better than he’s felt the past few weeks.

Jungkook ends up in an unfamiliar part of town. He never really walks past his apartment in this direction, so this is new.

The second bottle is nearing its end when he feels the pressure against his arm. He isn’t sure if he ran into the person, or vice versa, but it knocks the bottle out of his hand, where it shatters on the sidewalk. Jungkook stares at it, as the guy he hit mutters, “Stupid fucking drunk.”

Maybe that was the true moment Jungkook’s consequences caught up to him. Maybe not, who knows, because it is completely his willing choice when he spins around and snaps out, “Oh, can you not say that to my face, asshole?”

There are three of them, actually, Jungkook just now processes. Three guys, and the one he just insulted turns and looks very pissed off. “Stupid. Fucking. Drunk. Is that better?”

“Much better,” Jungkook slurs. “Now get out of my way, would you?”

“Excuse me? You ran into me, brat. Why don’t you apologize?”

Jungkook won’t be doing that. Normally he would. Normally…

Well, shit isn’t normal. “Fuck you,” he spits out.

The guy moves towards him in slow motion. Or maybe Jungkook had already dissociated by that point, but he feels the pain in much smaller amounts than he expected.

He doesn’t lash out, or fight back, or defend himself in any way. That isn’t the point. Jungkook isn’t sure how long it lasted – time is irrelevant – but it’s over. Blood fills his mouth, burns his throat worse than the alcohol did. There’s pain in his stomach, his back, and oddly, his left ankle, but it feels–

It feels…

It just feels. More than he’s been capable of feeling in a while. And he laughs. He leans against the corner of the building they threw him against, and it’s beautiful and toxic and it hurts in a way that he lusts after. A reasonable pain. A physical one that has nothing to do with fucking soulmates and parents and family and friends and promises.

It has nothing to do with life. This is the pain of wanting to die.

And Jungkook lets it consume him.

***

Getting back into the studio after break feels nice to Jimin, especially since Jungkook is still by his side. Things are a bit more intensive, with harder assignments in line for the semester, but Jimin feels ready. Last semester he let his fear of not succeeding and his perfectionism get in the way of healthy education. The year before that, too. It’s a habit he’s breaking this time.

The only change he doesn’t like is Hoseok not being in their lab anymore.

They’re paired off to work out the kinks in a random choreography assignment, and Jimin flocks to Jungkook.

Things were still a bit strange between them, so to say. Jungkook texted him back the other night, after Jimin fell into a fitful sleep yet again, but it’s still awkward. And Jimin wasn’t reassured at all by the “im doing ok” Jungkook sent.

But Jungkook smiles at him when he walks over, and he looks a bit better. Maybe some darker circles around his eyes, like he hasn’t slept well, but not as stressed as he’s been.

Although. It looks like- “Is your lip busted again?”

Jungkook brings his hand to his mouth. Jimin catches how he looks away, how his expression drops. “Ah, yeah. Tripped a few days ago. I think it reopened or something, I don’t know.”

Jimin doesn’t believe him. He doesn’t believe him one bit. But based on the way Jungkook is avoiding his gaze right now, he thinks better of questioning him.

But now that he’s pointed it out, he thinks maybe he sees some slightly darker patches of Jungkook’s face. Ones that oddly look like covered-up bruises.

A thought rises to his mind, so sharp that it hurts. Jungkook isn’t going out and looking for fights, is he? Surely he wouldn’t?

Jimin tries to shake it away. Instead he focuses on the dance project in front of them. They discuss it like they would any other day, like everything is fine, but Jimin can’t stop his eyes from straying to Jungkook’s face, scanning, thinking maybe-

No. He wants to think that if Jungkook is hurt, he would tell him.

But. When Jungkook moves…

“Not to, um, insult you or anything, but your moves are very clumsy right now,” Jimin says. There’s no way Jungkook can hide that subtle limp. Not as a dancer. Not when every move shows. And especially not when he winces. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine, how many times do I have to tell everyone,” Jungkook hisses under his breath.

Jimin tries not to act wounded, but the sudden hostility catches him off guard. “You know, if you ever aren’t fine, that’s okay.”

Jungkook looks at him, and Jimin thinks he’s going to get angry. He has been asking a lot, they all have. But it’s only because Jungkook is so obviously not doing okay. What are they supposed to do? Jimin’s not the only one feeling useless. Jungkook doesn’t want their help, even though he needs something. But what does Jimin know? Like he’s an expert in dealing with painful emotions and toxic thoughts.

“I’m alright, hyung. Thank you.” It comes out much softer than Jimin expected. His heart lurches.

Jimin focuses on the assignment instead.

***

Yoongi hates having his photo taken.

He hates it, unless it’s Taehyung. And even then, he only barely tolerates it. On a bad day, he even grumbles at Taehyung to quit it.

The two of them decide to take a walk in the evening to destress from how quickly the new semester started up. It’s Yoongi’s last semester as an undergraduate, and he refuses to show anyone how utterly terrified he is.

And of course, he’s worried about Jungkook. He’s been keeping an eye on the kid, but when he closes into that stupid armor of his, it’s difficult to see what’s really playing in his mind. Based on how similar he’s acting to when he first left his house and dealt with his parents, it’s been really freaking Yoongi out. He was barely there last time. He just barely saved this kid. He can’t let that shit happen again.

Taehyung can tell, of course. Yoongi doesn’t have to voice his concerns often for Taehyung to just get him. So, Taehyung drags him out here, away from the piece he’d been screaming about. Away from his overbearing parental role. Now they’re walking around aimlessly and Yoongi is enjoying every second of it.

They stop on the bridge, and Yoongi looks out at the water below, reflecting the shimmering lights of the city around them. It’s peaceful, given the bustling of other people moving around them. It’s moments like these that make Yoongi despise the universe and its ways just slightly less than normal.

He hears the shutter click of Taehyung’s camera again, and he sighs. “You’re a pain, you know that?” And Taehyung doesn’t respond after a second, so Yoongi turns to look at him. He finds him watching. “What are you staring at?”

“You,” Taehyung answers. Like a corny dork. A fucking nerd bitch and yeah, Yoongi’s cheeks flush.

He refuses to drop eye contact, though. “Hello.”

Taehyung smiles at him ever so softly. Just barely a quirk of the lips. He tilts his head. “You’re cute.”

“You’re cuter.”

“I love you.”

Yoongi freezes. He thinks maybe he should, hmm, fucking respond, but the function in his brain that creates words for his mouth to say has stopped functioning. He ends up saying, “You what now.”

“I love you, Yoongi,” Taehyung says again. So Yoongi didn’t hear him wrong the first time. “I’m so in love with you.”

“Oh.” Yoongi swallows hard.

Taehyung presses a kiss to his forehead, and Yoongi leans into the touch. He’s not sure his heart has ever hammered this aggressively before. Which is saying something, because Taehyung evokes the most outrageous emotions in him. “You don’t have to say it back,” Tae whispers. “I just want you to know.”

They continue walking, and Yoongi continues not to respond.

Maybe he understands Jungkook a little better in this situation. It is very hard to bare your soul to someone.

Does he love Taehyung? Well, okay, yeah. Taehyung is his soulmate. His friend. But has he really been thinking about the more of that? The fact that this is his forever person? The one he’s going to marry, and have a life with, and live with, and have arguments with, pay bills with, show his music to, complain about life to. This is his person. His Taehyung.

After an hour of this dramatic ass soliloquy, Yoongi blurts out, “I love you.”

Jesus fucking Christ. He can never tell Jungkook this; the kid would laugh and laugh until he’s on his deathbed. And then he’ll laugh from the grave.

Taehyung grins cheekily at him. “I know.”

Yoongi’s face goes blank. “Star Wars?”

Taehyung gasps. He throws himself at Yoongi. “I knew the universe doesn’t make mistakes!”

The universe is a godforsaken piece of shit and shouldn’t be revered as the deity that it is, but goddamn, is he thankful for the soulmate it thought – no, knew – his grumpy ass needed.

Now if only he could get it to do the same favor for Jimin and Jungkook.

***

Jungkook gets the text from Jimin earlier than normal.

Jiminie Cricket [20:47] are u still awake

He almost doesn’t text back, but he decides that’s just rude to do again. Jimin doesn’t deserve that, didn’t deserve it the other day, especially not when he’s probably just checking in to make sure Jungkook is okay and alive.

KookieMonster [20:49] yeah

Which is an understatement. He hasn’t slept well in about a year at this point.

Jiminie Cricket [20:51] im worried about you. really.

Jungkook closes his eyes and sighs. He shuts off his phone and slings it across his bed. Of course Jimin’s worried. Because Jimin is a kind person, and Jungkook is a fucking disaster of a human being who has had the misfortune of ruining everything that was ever good to him.

Everyone is worried. He wishes it didn’t anger him so much. No, okay, it doesn’t anger him. He just wishes they wouldn’t feel responsible. Or attached.

He doesn’t understand why it’s not easy to just let him go.

KookieMonster [20:53] just tired

Jiminie Cricket [20:54] you can talk to me if you need anything

Jiminie Cricket [20:54] and you’re allowed to need things

Jiminie Cricket [20:55] I know you don’t let yourself believe that

Jiminie Cricket [20:55] but something seems wrong despite what you told me

Jungkook wishes so, so hard he can just say what he needs to say. He wants to be selfish and he wants to think that if he tells Jimin, he’ll be accepted because he’s Jungkook, not just his soulmate. But Jimin said no. He needs to respect that. It’s not fair to wallow and be miserable about something like this, not when it’s Jimin’s pain and Jimin’s comfort on the line.

He tries not to think about the soulmate misassignment thing. He knows his therapist is fucking stupid, he knows that. Useless for him and just completely stupid.

He needs to stop letting himself be the target of violence, or seducing people into trying to murder him. It’s supposed to hurt. It’s not something that he’s supposed to enjoy. It’s not supposed to make him feel better.

And yet it does. He wants it again.

Jungkook is disgusted with himself.

KookieMonster [20:58] thanks

And he shuts his phone off for the night.

Chapter Text

Something should be said of the fact that Jimin’s every waking moment seems to be filled with concerns about Jungkook, but that something is going to be ignored for now. He thinks too hard and too long about the reason behind Jungkook’s messages being so short. Jimin knows it’s because Jungkook’s going through a lot right now, but sometimes he can’t help feeling like he’s a reason behind that distance. Like he’s done something wrong.

It’s ridiculous, and yet it’s there, and there enough to cause him to worry.

Jimin gets out of class a few minutes early, and so he heads to the dining hall for lunch. Most of his morning classes are back to back this semester, but there’s still enough time to meet Jungkook for their lunch dates in between. So he grabs a plate of food and sits down at their usual table, waiting until his phone shows twelve o’clock, when Jungkook gets out.

Fifteen minutes past the hour. Jimin held off eating, but he starts picking at his plate here and there as he waits.

Thirty minutes pass, and Jimin is too hungry to resist and his next class starts soon. Jungkook still isn’t there, and he hasn’t texted. Jimin anxiously shovels food into his mouth.

It could be any number of reasons, quit stressing.

Nearly the whole hour passes, and Jimin has long since finished. He refuses to acknowledge that Jungkook blew him off. That’s not like him, right? Maybe he forgot. This semester started off stressful for all of them, so maybe he’s just got a lot to do. He checks his phone, and there’s no new message.

Jungkook still doesn’t show up.

He’s fine, he’s gotta be.

Jimin has to leave to make it to his next class, but he does so with a painful twist in his chest. He wants to text and ask if he’s alright, but it never seems to help the situation. Or rather, Jungkook never seems to want to poke at that subject for too long.

But nonetheless, Jimin sits in the back of the classroom and pulls out his phone. His last interacted-with message was from yesterday evening, where Jungkook had left him on read.

ChimChim<3 [13:15] hope ur having a good day

***

By the time Jimin is in his last class of the day, he’s a bit less concerned and a bit more panicked. Enough that he texts Yoongi-hyung.

ChimChim<3 [18:21] hyung have u heard from jungkook lately

He bounces his knee as he waits for Yoongi’s reply. He’s growing frustrated with his own worry. Maybe Jungkook’s just busy and Jimin’s over here acting like he’s two seconds away from putting in a missing person notice.

minsuga-hyung [18:23] haven’t seen him since last night, why whats up?

Great. Fantastic. Jimin isn’t sure what answer he wanted, but none of them were going to be good.

ChimChim<3 [18: 24] he missed our usual lunch meet-up and hasn’t texted me all day

Jimin sounds foolish. He sounds like an overprotective parent or something, and he’s starting to piss himself off. Jungkook is an adult. He has things to do just like the rest of them, and he doesn’t owe Jimin anything.

But he could still text and tell me he’s okay…

Jimin shakes his head and powers his phone off. Instead he focuses on the professor and his classwork.

Or he tries to, anyway.

***

That evening he meets with Hoseok at the support group, after classes are over. At this point, he isn’t sure if they can offer much support for the stupid internal conflict he has, but they’re friends. They’re company. And he knows they rely on his comfort as much as he relies on theirs. Regardless though, he doesn’t have much to say today.

He resists the urge to check his phone, but it eats at him. It’s late in the evening and he still hasn’t heard word from Jungkook. Not a single word, a single indication that he’s doing okay.  It’s starting to upset him, and, if he allows himself selfishly to say, it’s making him angry. He’s allowed to care. He’s allowed to know if one of his best friends is okay, goddamn it. Jimin’s knee bounces as he sits beside Hoseok, until the meeting is over and everyone parts ways.

“Jimin, for the love of God,” Hoseok says, exasperated. “What’s bothering you?”

“Nothi-”

“Don’t even.” Hoseok gives him a look after that. Jimin supposes he can respect his lack of patience for bullshit. Jimin’s in the same boat.

He sighs. “I haven’t heard from Jungkook since yesterday. Haven’t seen him. He didn’t even tell me he was going to miss our lunch meet-up.”

Hoseok’s brows furrow. “Maybe you should call? Or go visit him, see if he’s home. He seems to be going through a lot these days.”

They head outside the building, where the cool night air meets them. Jimin’s grateful for the chill after being inside the stuffy meeting room for an hour and a half. “I’m afraid I’m being annoying.”

“You can worry about being annoying once you’re sure Jungkook is alright.”

Jimin supposes that’s a fair point. He calls Jungkook’s number like he’d been wanting to do all day. Naturally it rings straight to voicemail. The frustration comes back, but he tries not to let it show on his face.

Jimin and Hoseok part ways after a quick goodbye, and he heads to his apartment. As he unlocks the front door and opens it, he nearly runs into Taehyung. “Oh, hey! I was starting to wonder where you were. I’m going to hang with Yoongi tonight, you good here alone?”

“Yeah,” Jimin answers, sliding past him. “Hey, have you, um. Have you heard from Jungkook?”

Jimin didn’t expect a good answer, like with Yoongi earlier, but it still hurts when Taehyung shakes his head. “Not since the other day, actually. He doesn’t answer my texts.”

“That’s what I figured.” Jimin wants to lay down. He’s exhausted, but he knows the second he tries, it won’t work. His brain won’t shut down enough for sleep. It’s just constantly Jungkook, Jungkook, Jungkook. He’s damn near ready to go back to hating the kid.

That’s a lie. That’s wildly opposite to how Jimin regards him.

He drops onto his bed with a sigh.

ChimChim<3 [21:08] is he home yet?

minsuga-hyung [21:14] no he isn’t. hasn’t answered me either.

Jimin decides to shower. He needs to clear his head. This shit is getting out of hand. Maybe instead of sleeping, he can get some homework done. God knows he didn’t get enough of it done today.

He’s thinking of this as he grabs his stuff and heads to the bathroom. But as he’s doing so, his phone rings. Jimin glances at it from where it lays on his bed.

Jungkook is calling…

Jimin snatches it up. His hands are shaking as he answers and brings it to his ear. “H-hello?”

“Hyung,” Jungkook’s voice comes out small. Small, and yet heavy. “Jimin.”

Jungkook is crying. No, sobbing.

“Jungkook-ah.” Jimin is breathless. “Where are you? What’s wrong?”

“Outside.” The cries tear out of him, through Jimin’s shitty phone speaker, and stabs into his heart.

Without a second thought, Jimin races to his door and grabs his keys to get back in. “I’m on my way.”

***

Jungkook is standing in the front courtyard, and when he sees Jimin, his entire face crumples. Like he was trying to keep it all together and it came undone. Jimin runs up to him, barely catching him as his knees give, and holds on. He holds, and holds, until both of them have enough strength to stand up and move inside, out of the cold.

And when Jimin is able to see his face, his stomach flips. “Oh, Jungkook.”

His face is a mess of tears and blood. From his lip, pooling out his mouth, from a cut under his eye, from his nose. His knuckles are raw, flesh peeled and already bruising black. He favors his left side, as if something internal is broken.

And Jungkook is so, so drunk. The smell hit Jimin as soon as he came in contact with him, but now that he’s focusing on all the details of what’s going on, it really hits him.

Jimin sits him down on the couch while he scrambles to find the first aid kit. When he does manage to find it jammed under the sink, he comes back out to see Jungkook holding his face in his hands, shoulders hunched, and silent sobs shaking him apart. Jimin has never felt so scared in his life, he thinks, not even the first time this happened. Because then, it was only a coincidence. Bad luck, shitty people. But this? This is destructive. Jungkook is destroying himself.

He tries cleaning Jungkook’s face of the blood first, and the tears, but it’s hard. Eventually he gets to a point where he can apply some creams and then some bandages. Next are Jungkook’s hands, which twitch violently in Jimin’s, and that is much harder, because Jungkook keeps pulling them away. “Please,” Jimin ends up saying, “please let me help you.”

It takes a long time, but eventually the physical damage seems to be mostly treated. He’ll be forcing Jungkook to go get his ribs checked out soon, but for now, he thinks it can wait. More important things first. “I need you to talk to me.”

He isn’t sure why he thought it would be easy. Maybe because Jungkook came to him, because he called Jimin. But Jungkook shakes his head. “I don’t want to.”

“Jungkook-ah, I don’t think you understand. You don’t get to be alone anymore, it’s not your choice. Not while I’m around.”

And Jungkook finally looks at him then, lips trembling. Tears pool at the corners of his eyes once more, but they don’t spill quite yet. “It’s stupid.”

“It’s not stupid if it’s bothering you,” Jimin says. Jungkook tries to look away, but Jimin hooks a hand under his chin and forces his eyes back to his. “Please, please tell me how you’re hurting.”

“I don’t need to be here, I just feel like a burden.” When Jimin opens his mouth to counter that, Jungkook says, “I know you’re going to say I’m not, but that doesn’t make it better up here.” He points weakly to his head. “I can’t be loved. I just can’t. Not by my parents, not by my soulmate, not by myself. It’s my fate, it’s what the universe wants from me. To be unloved.”

Jimin finds himself shaking his head, and his eyes burn with the strain of holding back his own tears. But Jungkook doesn’t need to see that. It won’t help him. “No, no, it’s not true. That’s not true.”

“You don’t understand,” Jungkook bites out. His chest is rising and falling quickly. He pulls away from Jimin as he crouches in front of him. Pulls away, and stands up, and makes for the door.

“Jungkook, stop!” Jimin grabs his hand. Terror fills his entire body at the thought of Jungkook running off and putting himself back in harm’s way.

Jungkook spins around. It’s a sloppy move, and he stumbles. Jimin has to catch him so he doesn’t fall, but Jungkook just pushes him away. The two of them stare at each other, and Jimin has no idea what’s happening. He has no idea what to do next. “I care about you, Jungkook. Yoongi cares, Taehyung cares. We all fucking care! What are we doing that’s making you so blind to that?”

“No one ever showed me how to see!”

“I’ll show you.” Jimin’s voice comes out as a beg. He won’t claim to know how Jungkook’s pain works, how it speaks to him, what it convinces him is true. But he can’t help it; Jungkook needs to know. “I can show you, Jungkook, because you’re so worth it. I need you to stay around, I need you to not do this to yourself. Please stay.”

“What if I’m already gone?”

“You’re not, you’re right here. You’re with me, can’t you tell? It’s me and you. I want you to want to stay with me.”

“I can’t,” Jungkook whispers.

“Why?” It comes out harsher than Jimin intends it to be.

“Because I can’t get closer to you.” It doesn’t make sense to Jimin, but Jungkook shakes his head. He isn’t crying now, but something still sounds frustrated. Something is off, outside of his control. “If had the courage to stand before you, would everything be different now? Or would I still feel the same?”

Jimin isn’t sure Jungkook is asking him this question. And he doesn’t know what Jungkook means, anyway. Maybe he’s asking the universe, but regardless, he can see it in Jungkook’s expression. He doesn’t want to elaborate. Jimin swallows hard. “I don’t know what you need to hear right now, but you’re not unloved. You’re not unlovable, and just because the universe is garbage doesn’t mean it gets to pick how people feel about you. You don’t get to pick how people feel about you because people love you. A lot, actually.”

“Do they?”

“We do.” Jungkook looks at him, then, and Jimin wonders if he’s finally reaching the part of Jungkook that wants to fight. He prays. “I do.”

“I don’t wanna be like this anymore,” Jungkook says, and Jimin links their fingers together. “I need help.”

“We’ll help you.” And it’s more than true. He knows Yoongi won’t let him fall far, and neither will he. None of them will. They aren’t losing Jungkook, they just aren’t.

Jimin can’t fathom that idea.

Jungkook decides then that being awake is a chore, and his eyes start to close. He’s muttering the word sleep, and so Jimin helps him walk to his bed, where he collapses and immediately falls unconscious. Worse case scenario, Jimin pulls the couch closer to his bedroom door so he can make sure Jungkook doesn’t get sick in the middle of the night. He’ll do this after he showers. Right now he really needs a moment to de-escalate.

He texts Yoongi before he does, just so hyung doesn’t panic and call the cops. Shower after that.

ChimChim<3 [22:48] he’s with me

ChimChim<3 [22:48] lots of explaining tomorrow, be prepared

minsuga-hyung [22:50] wonderful

minsuga-hyung [22:51] take care of him

ChimChim<3 [22:52] I will

Jimin checks Jungkook, and he’s breathing steady, on his side. He grabs the trash can from under his desk and places it near the edge of the bed, so in case of a vomit emergency, it’s convenient. Another thing, water. Jimin grabs a bottle from the fridge and places it on the night stand. Jungkook should be set now.

Jungkook stirs slightly, and he reaches out for Jimin’s hand. The first time he mutters out words, it's nonsensical. But the second time: "Hyung, stay."

“Hmm?” Jimin brushes the hair out of his eyes. His forehead feels warm to the touch.

“Stay here with me.”

Jimin looks at his bed. It’s a queen, with enough room for both of them to fit comfortably. And it’ll be easier for Jimin to make sure he doesn’t get sick and die in his sleep or something. With a quick hand through his freshly damp hair, he sighs and decides why the fuck not. He’s done it before.

Jimin lays down back to back with Jungkook. He hates the way his heart pounds. It doesn’t seem like Jungkook needs medical attention for the alcohol, and he’s capable of sleeping on his side, so Jimin doesn’t think that’s too serious either.

Now the fun starts, where he lays there well past Jungkook falling asleep, thinking too hard and listening to his even breathing.

It hurts him to hear Jungkook think like that. Not saying Jimin himself has the best self-esteem issues, but how can Jungkook not see that they all love him? It makes him angry, all the shit Jungkook has been through, all the darkness he’s fought through, just to be pulled back. It’s tough, he knows that personally.

He hates Seonjae. He hates Jungkook’s parents. And he hates the fucking universe and its stupid ways and stupid soulmates, because sometimes, when he’s not careful, and when he’s feeling too much at once, Jimin just looks at Jungkook and thinks why can’t it be him?

He rubs at his eyes and grabs his phone. He’s not stupid. Maybe he prefers denial, but he’s not stupid. He knows what Jungkook means to him. He knows, and he ignores it, but does Jungkook really not see it?

ChimChim<3 [23:24] eomma

ChimChim<3 [23:24] I think the answer to your question is a yes

Surprisingly, his mother texts back almost immediately. He’d figured she would be sleeping right now. His father definitely is. Maybe she’s having another restless night too. They seem to have that in common.

Eomma<3<3<3 [23:25] I know, dear. You’re only subtle to yourself.

Jimin looks over his shoulder at Jungkook’s sleeping form and wonders how he can think so little of himself when Jimin’s entire heart is on fire for him.

Maybe he should ask, one day when Jungkook feels better. Maybe he should ask about Jungkook’s soulmate. Maybe he feels like slapping on the label of aromantic because he’s afraid to admit that he can love, but only if it’s Jeon Jungkook.

Just maybe.

Chapter Text

Consequences. Jungkook has many consequences to face the next day. The hangover, the pounding in his head. The guilt, shame, anger, despair, all of that stuff, all those stupid emotions. The promises he made to get better and all the other words he said that he barely remembers. The realization that he woke up with Jimin spooned against his back, stealing his warmth. Or maybe keeping him warm, who knows.

But worst of all, he has to face Min Yoongi and his disappointment.

Jungkook hesitates outside of the apartment door, rubbings at his brows to ease some of the pressure of the headache he has. Fucking hell, what did he even drink last night? No, he didn’t want to know. He doesn’t need that memory back.

Jimin stands beside him, because of course he does. Because Jimin is amazing and cares and Jungkook is so, so fucking stupid. Jimin turns his head and looks at him expectantly. “Do you want me to go in with you?”

Jungkook wishes Jimin didn’t wake him up. It’s a bit of a selfish thought, but he wanted to lay there and pretend for just one more second that it was real. “I’m okay, hyung. You’ve done enough for me as it is.”

Shaking his head, Jimin says, “No such thing. But I’ll see you later, then, maybe?”

The hopeful tone makes Jungkook feel extra guilty about how he’s been behaving. “Yeah, of course.”

Jimin hugs him tightly, and Jungkook hides the wince as he feels pressure against his bruised side. Nothing’s broken, he knows that despite Jimin’s protests, but a boot to the ribs didn’t feel good and does not feel good the next day, either.

Nonetheless, Jungkook craves the touch and he leans into it, holding on like it’s the last one he’ll ever have.

Until Yoongi throws the fucking door open, that is. “Am I interrupting something?”

He didn’t have to sound so deadpanned.

Jimin jumps backwards out of his embrace, and the suddenness causes his head to pulse even stronger. “Ah, hey, hyung. I was just leaving.” He turns away before either of them say anything else, and then Jungkook is left standing there with Yoongi. It takes him a second before he can brave turning around to meet hyung’s glare.

But Yoongi isn’t looking at him like he wants to yell and scold him.

Yoongi’s eyes are brimming with tears.

“Oh.” Fuck. Jungkook panics a little and he steps inside the apartment. Yoongi doesn’t say anything until the door is shut behind them. He doesn’t say anything at all, actually. He reaches his arms out straight and stands there expectantly, and Jungkook doesn’t fucking know what’s happening. “Uh.”

He jiggles his wrists.

Oh, he wants a hug.

Jungkook leans in for his second much needed hug of the day, and it’s strange to him. Yoongi doesn’t initiate physical affection often; he just takes what they throw at him. But right now, Jungkook is the subject of Yoongi’s rare love language.

It makes him feel even worse about what he’s done.

“Let’s talk,” Yoongi says. When he moves towards the couch, Jungkook follows without a word. Yes, he came home to talk to Yoongi, but he’s still nervous about what he’ll say. That’s expected, right? But when Jungkook sits down in the recliner, Yoongi remains silent as he stares. Jungkook swallows, and Yoongi raises a brow. “Let’s talk means you talk.”

“Oh.” How does one start this conversation? He knows Yoongi means no harm but what the fuck does he want Jungkook to say? “Um, I just. I don’t know? I’ve got a headache.”

“Do you even like alcohol? Or do you look at the bottle and think ‘yeah, this is how people self-destruct, let’s try it’?”

“Don’t ask me these thoughtful questions at ten in the morning, hyung.”

Yoongi ignores the comment and continues. “Are you feeling okay now?”

“I think so. Better than I was last night, at least.” But that’s not a high hurdle, because he felt like death last night.

Yoongi reaches out his hand towards Jungkook’s face, like he’s going to touch it, but then drops his hand. Instead he nods very gently, like he’s reaffirming his thoughts to himself. Probably thoughts regarding how Jungkook obtained the injuries. No doubt Jimin has told him a lot. “Can we be completely honest with each other? No more lies?”

The insinuation that Jungkook is lying to him stings a little, but does he really have the right to feel insulted? Isn’t it true? Jungkook has hid a lot of things from him, and keeping secrets is just like lying. It is lying. He swallows hard against the shame he feels rising in his chest. He nods.

And then he opens up, in a deeper way then he’s been allowing. He tells Yoongi about seeing his dad and Seonjae, about the burning anger and constant hatred he keeps redirecting at himself. He comes clean about the strange, lustful urge for self-harm that drags him out into the streets looking for a fight. He talks about Jimin, and it’s tearing out of him so aggressively that it starts to sound like blame, which of course he covers up with it’s not Jimin’s fault, it’s not Jimin’s fault, hyung, he just doesn’t want me, but God does it hurt so bad.

“Why didn’t you come to me when things got bad again? When the therapy and meds weren’t working? Why didn’t you let me help before it came to this?”

Why didn’t he? It’s not like Yoongi was going to make a big deal out of it. Yoongi has only ever wanted to make sure Jungkook could be at his best. “I think I just didn’t want to let you down or be a burden. I don’t know, maybe I just wanted to fall. Maybe I didn’t want the help.”

Yoongi nods once, because he knows Jungkook doesn’t want to hear him try to insist that he’s not a burden and all these others things that never convince him and never will, because that’s not how these intrusive, toxic thoughts work. Jungkook knows Yoongi does this because he loves him. He knows that, for fuck’s sake. But it isn’t always enough to know it. “Do you want to try something new?”

A new therapist, he means. Maybe different medicines. Jungkook nods his head again, because he does want to try. Fucking hell, does he want to get away from where he’s at. He wants to run from it and never look back at it. The hardest part is that it’s always there, in the back of his mind, even on the better days. He hates it, he hates having no control over his own thoughts, even when he’s aware of how bad they’re hurting him. “I’ll try anything, hyung. I made you a promise.”

“Fuck the promise. You do this for you, too.” When Jungkook doesn’t say anything, or even look at him, Yoongi continues. “This is a setback. It’s not a stopping point. Do you understand that? It’s not a dead end.” There’s a pause in between his words, where Yoongi heavily weighs what he wants to say. “I refuse to lose you, Jungkook.”

Yoongi isn’t trying to make him feel guilty, he knows that, but he feels sick at the thought of how much stress he puts his hyung through. How scared he makes him feel. He doesn’t want to do that anymore. “You won’t lose me.”

This satisfies Yoongi, and Jungkook can see the relief in his face. “Good.” Yoongi rubs at his eyes and huffs out a sigh. “I need to get back to my assignment, but we’re all meeting up at Jin-hyung’s later. Don’t be a stranger, alright?”

Yoongi drags himself to his room after that, and Jungkook thinks he needs to follow in his steps. There’s a lot he let pile up last week, because his mind convinced him it wasn’t important. Who cares about doing homework when you’re thinking about dying? Haha, not me.

And yet now he starts to panic, because there’s an exam next week, plus a project for a different class. And he has a song he needs to write for Lyrical Composition.

Jungkook stands up, and his mental to-do list ricochets around his head. Maybe homework can wait until he naps the headache away. Then he’ll get to it.

Just as he’s about to move to his own room, Yoongi pops his head out of his door. “Hey.” Jungkook looks back at him. “While on the subject of ‘no more lies,’ I think you should consider telling Jimin the truth soon.”

Jungkook grimaces at the thought. To say he’s come to terms with never having the man he loves is a lie, because he hasn’t. Not when he sees him every day. Not when it’s his best friend. But he’s accepted the responsibility of making sure Jimin is happy. “I don’t know if I can, hyung. And it’s not a me thing, anymore. It’s just what Jimin wants. And that’s not me.”

“I think you’re both fucking stupid.”

“Wow, Yoongi, tell me how you really feel,” Jungkook says monotonously.

Yoongi shrugs. “No more lies, remember?” And he disappears back into his room.

Jungkook sighs. He really needs that nap.

***

It’s not long before word of the situation reaches the rest of their friend group, and naturally that causes their concern to double. The plan was to hang out again this weekend regardless, but now it’s essential. And unanimous. It’s a party for Jungkook.

And Jungkook promised to come, so it’s going to be great. Especially since they have one of his favorite movies ready to go, and Jin made so much of his favorite foods that all of them are going to explode tonight.

Jin overfeeds all of them way too much. Jimin’s not mad about it.

He lays on Taehyung’s lap as the music plays in the background, with Tae’s fingers grazing across his scalp. He’s sleepy, but in more of a relaxed way, now that he’s sure Jungkook’s feeling better than he was last night. He could pass out right here.

And he probably would’ve for a little bit, if not for the vibration of his phone that causes him to sit up in a hurry.

Jungkookie Wookie [21:22] hey im omw

Jungkookie Wookie [21:22] wanted to wait on hyung to get off work

“Jungkookie’s coming!” Jimin says. It’s met with a chorus of scattered cheers.

“Is the tiny grouch coming too?” Namjoon asks.

“He’s only a grouch to you right now because you broke his headset the other day,” Jin responds calmly, spooning rice and vegetables into his mouth.

“Not on purpose!”

“I’m sure, dear.”

Jimin giggles. Yoongi and Taehyung are quiet in their affection most days, but Namjoon and Jin are always bullying each other. Jimin’s here for that vibe.

The five of them arrange the living room table a little bit neater and pause the music as they wait, per Yoongi’s message to Tae saying they’re about to turn onto the street near Jin’s house.

This is for Jungkook. Tonight is about him, and Jimin will be damned if the kid leaves this place without knowing just how much they love him and want him around.

Maybe if you grew a pair, you could tell him how you feel.

Funny. That’s funny. Jimin will hardly admit it to himself, much less out loud.

He shakes his head and clears it of the thought, just as Yoongi and Jungkook walk through the door. They yell “surprise!” like they’re hosting a cringy birthday party. Namjoon waves a shitty, makeshift sign reading We love you, Jungkookie, made of a piece of cardboard haphazardly taped to a broomstick.

Jungkook stops in his tracks, hand still clutching the door handle. His mouth hangs open slightly, as if this is genuinely the last thing he could’ve possibly expected. The injuries from last night are less apparent on his face, but still visible. Yoongi nudges at him from behind, trying to get him to move inside at least.

Jimin can see him fight off tears just in the way that he bites his lip and furrows his brows. “I-I don’t know what to say.”

Taehyung bustles over and drags Jungkook inside, where Yoongi can close the door at least. “You say, ‘yee haw, my friends, where’s the cake?’ or whatever the cool kids say.”

“Pretty sure no cool kid says that, Tae,” Yoongi says, accepting the tiny peck Taehyung give him. Yoongi practically beams. Jimin thinks it’s cute, how Yoongi is the quietest out of all of them and yet radiates his love the strongest and without hesitation. He’s a perfect match for his friend.

Jimin pulls on Jungkook’s arm until he takes a seat beside him. He grins, and Jungkook smiles that pretty smile of his back. “How are you feeling?”

Jungkook huffs out a laugh and shakes his head. “Overwhelmed, maybe? Grateful, but you guys didn’t have to do this for me.”

“Didn’t have to, but we wanted to,” Namjoon says. “Anything to get it through that insanely thick head of yours that we’re in this shit together.”

“Yeah, Jungkookie,” Jin adds. “Whatever you’re struggling with, we’re the foundation you can fall back on, you know? The safety net instead of hitting rock bottom.”

“Wow, hyung, that was very poetic,” Hoseok says, wiping away a fake tear. “I think what he means to say is, we want our maknae happy and healthy.”

Jin scoffs. “My way was better.”

“Maybe, but I’m cooler than you.”

“I’m literally famous.”

The two of them squabble while Namjoon rolls his eyes in a way that says he deals with this too often. “What that translates to is, we love you, Jungkook.”

Taehyung plops on the other side of Jungkook just then and shoves an Xbox controller into his hand. “Hit play. We’re watching Iron Man tonight. All three!”

The light in Jungkook’s eyes makes Jimin’s heart lurch. He hasn’t seen that light since the mall. Since Jungkook’s father blew out the fire that burned in him, shut off the spark of passion that always shined.

He’s stunning. It hurts Jimin to look at him for too long. Like Icarus flying too close to the sun. Like a moth to the light. The warmth is luring, but the pain that comes with it is starting to burn.

But Jungkook is content right now. Looking at him, one can see that at least a little bit of peace has settled him down, and that’s all Jimin wanted for him tonight. Some peace of mind.

Jimin instead tries to focus on the movie. There are enough loud noises to drown out his thoughts, but sitting next to Jungkook, the heat that passes through his touch reaches straight through to his heart and melts it like wax.

***

KookieMonster [00:37] thank u hyung. for the party and stuff.

yoongles [00:38] why u thanking me?

KookieMonster [00:38] was it not ur idea?

yoongles [00:39] no it wasn’t

KookieMonster [00:39] ?

yoongles [00:41] it was jimin, dumbass

yoongles [00:41] man throws a whole party to show that he loves you and you still won’t tell him

KookieMonster [00:42] I can’t

yoongles [00:43] u can

yoongles [00:43] u just won’t

Jungkook turns his phone off and snaps a look towards Yoongi.

Yoongi sips his water, unfazed.

***

It’s late enough that the moon is centered in the night sky, its white spotlight blazing down on him as he stands on Jin’s balcony.

Taehyung and Hoseok have already fallen asleep, as expected. Namjoon is reading a book instead of watching the third Iron Man movie, and Jin is cleaning up his kitchen for the night. Yoongi exists as a pillow solely for the comfort of Taehyung right now.

And Jimin.

Jimin follows him outside a few minutes after he steps away wordlessly.

Jungkook cranes his neck and peeks at Jimin over his shoulder. “I’m alright, hyung, sorry for walking out. Just wanted some air.”

“Do you want some company?”

Jungkook turns around then, to see him properly. Jimin’s head tilts to the side. He doesn’t look overly concerned. Mostly just curious. Jungkook gives him a small smile. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

Jimin stands beside him as they lean against the railing, watching the stars in silence for the first few minutes. Jungkook likes how he and Jimin can exist without words and it doesn’t have to be awkward. The silence speaks for itself; they don’t have to voice anything to give it meaning.

A cool breeze blows by and Jungkook relishes in it. But Jimin shudders ever so slightly, stepping closer to Jungkook and burrowing into his side. A giggle works its way out of his mouth. “Cold, hyung?”

“This flannel isn’t protecting me from anything,” Jimin pouts, huddling closer. Jungkook leans into the contact, wrapping an arm around him. It feels comforting. It feels safe.

It also feels impossible.

Jungkook’s not sure when either of them move positions, but here they are. Standing on this stupid balcony pretending that it’s so, so cold, and Jimin has his head against Jungkook’s chest and his arms around his waist and they’re just fucking holding each other.

Jungkook’s heart is beating wildly. Jimin is right there and he has to hear it. He has to.

He wonders if Jimin’s is beating just as loud. What does your heart beat for? he wants to ask. Because mine beats for you.

Jungkook pulls him closer, hugs tighter, earning a small oomph from Jimin. “Thank you.”

“For what?” Jimin mumbles into his shoulder. It’s not strange to him that they’re just standing here embracing like this?

“For everything. For being there. For this party.”

Jimin pushes away from him a bit, to look up at him. His face is a bit close. Not that he notices. It’s fine. You’re not supposed to look at him like this, dammit. “That’s nothing you need to thank me for.”

Jungkook swallows. His throat is oddly dry. Maybe he should go back inside for some water, but truth be told, he doesn’t want to move from this spot.

“And besides,” Jimin continues, “I never got to say thank you for the roses. Consider it even.”

The roses. Jungkook tenses. “Ah, um. What do you m-”

“Oh, don’t deny it, silly.” Jimin reaches into his pocket and pulls something out. He scoops up Jungkook’s hand and slides it into his. “Here. This is for you.”

When Jungkook looks at it, he sees a small plastic disk, small enough to be a lip balm container. Inside are dried rose petals. Jungkook looks between it and Jimin. “I, I don’t…hyung-”

“It was your performance too.” Jimin closes Jungkook’s fingers around the disk. And then he doesn’t let go. “I know it’s lame, and probably cringy, but it’s ours. Not just mine.”

Jungkook just doesn’t know how to respond. Something very, very hot burns in his lungs, and he’s afraid to speak. He ends up stuttering out a thank you.

Jimin grins at him and taps his nose with a finger. “You’re cute.”

“You’re beautiful.” It climbs out of his heart and tears out his mouth before he can stop himself. He sees Jimin’s smile slowly fade, sees some type of fight happen in his eyes. Jungkook should probably move, should probably step away before this gets worse, but…but-

Jimin bites his lip like he’s thinking. Jungkook can’t stop his eyes from glancing at them, and fucking hell, that was the wrong choice. His stomach burns. It’s that deadly action that scares Jungkook into moving, finally, out of Jimin’s grasp. He grabs onto the railing. “We should, um. Probably go back inside.”

“I agree.”

Both of them jump at the unannounced voice. Jin is standing in the doorway, brow raised at the two of them. Jungkook’s face heats up, as if they were doing something bad and got caught.

Were they? What the fuck was that? What the fuck was that?

Fuck.

“Movie just finished. I just wanted to check on you guys. Come back in when you’re, uh, not busy.” Jin turns and shuts the door behind him.

Not busy. Not busy.

“Let’s go in,” Jungkook says, without turning back to look at Jimin. He can’t right now. He doesn’t trust himself not to say something he’ll regret. Something along the lines of I and love and you.

“I’ll come inside soon,” Jimin says softly. There’s no indication in his voice that he’s bothered.

So Jungkook goes inside, and leaves whatever happened just now on the balcony with Jimin.

***

It takes Jimin a while before he feels like he can return to his friends. His hands have only just stop trembling.

That terrified him. The strength of that emotion, that was more than he’s ever felt in his life. It wasn’t right of him to think like that, and yet.

It’s not easy, or even possible really, to just turn off the love you feel for someone. Jimin wants to say he’s cleared his head standing outside in the cold air, but honestly, he returns to Jin’s house wanting Jungkook just as much, if not more, than when he came out there.

***

SeokJinHyung [02:53] yoongi, I have a serious question about jimin and jungkook

Oh my fucking God. Yoongi breathes deeply through his nose.

minsuga [02:54] yes theyre soulmates

SeokJinHyung [02:55] ok cool do they know that cuz they’re flirting all the time now

minsuga [02:55] apparently fucking not

***

minsuga [03:04] I’m losing my goddamn mind

TaeTae<3 [03:05] why??? R u ok? :(

minsuga [03:06] everyone knows but jimin. everyone.

TaeTae<3 [03:07] ah

Chapter Text

It takes time.

A lot of time. A lot of trial and error. A lot of ups and downs and rises and falls. And most of all, a lot of fucking effort.

But Jungkook gets back on his feet within a few months, and so far, the rise is still going.

Yoongi insisted that if he didn’t click with a new therapist, Jungkook had to tell him. And so, two therapists later, Jungkook finally found the one that works with him and actually listens when he says things don’t work.

And after a switch of medication, this new stuff seems to be helping. These new methods are helping, and Jungkook can’t say that all these bad thoughts are gone forever, but he has definitely learned how to overpower them.

There are new hobbies. His therapist suggested boxing, martial arts, or wrestling as a way to replace the urge to get into fights. Jungkook chose boxing, because he clicked with it when he first tried it. On top of that, he writes more. The journal Jimin got him for Christmas is filling up, both with lyrics and half-started music composition in the back. When Jungkook has ideas, he goes to Yoongi and gets his opinion, and Yoongi offers to mix him some tracks.

Control. Jungkook finally has it back to some degree.

Classes have been going smoothly so far for all of them, and finals are next month. And with that comes Yoongi and Jin’s graduation, which he is not ready for at all. Yoongi is constantly busy on final projects, job applications, all kinds of things that make Jungkook terrified of graduating. Which isn’t for a while, but the way his hyungs are scatterbrained right now isn’t encouraging.

And amongst other concerns, his relationship with Jimin just barely blurs the line between awkward and intimate. It’s weird, but they keep pushing the limits of the weird like it’s not.

Jungkook still can’t stomach the idea of telling him, even though Yoongi’s mantra of No more lies keeps ringing through his mind.

Even though Jimin’s hand finds his more often than not. Even though they’re in each other’s space more than platonically necessary, and it always burns Jungkook to the core of his being. Even though both of them are refusing to talk about it, but it’s still there. It just keeps happening.

Jungkook is greedy for taking it and not telling him the truth. He’s just so afraid of what it could do. Or what could happen. Or not happen. It’s just a fear he can’t get past.

There’s rarely a day that goes by where Yoongi doesn’t ask him if he’s going to tell Jimin, or insists that Jimin likes him and so Jungkook has to speak up. Jungkook is losing his mind. He gets it. Yoongi has dealt with his shit every single day since it happened, and he's taken it with stride, so it's fair that he's frustrated now. It doesn't mean Jungkook can actually speak up. Not when he's gone so long keeping it quiet and convincing himself it's how it has to be. It's hard to change one's beliefs. 

But nonetheless, he thinks about it every day, about coming clean.

Today isn’t any easier. It’s a great day; he feels his best for once. But that doesn’t mean he knows how to deal with Jimin.

Dance practice has become stricter with him. Jungkook only ever improves, and he strives to match the execution that Jimin and Hoseok show in their movements. And the closer he gets to that level of control, the harder Jimin pushes.

“Do you see how blocky that move is?” Jimin says, huffing out a breath. They’re both worn out; they’ve definitely gotten their lab hours in for this week. “Here. You’ve got to turn like this.”

Jungkook watches Jimin move in the mirror, trying to think about the choreography itself and not the way Jimin’s body rolls.

“Do you see that?” Oh, I see that, fucking hell do I see that. “I don’t think you’re using your chest muscles as much. Try again.”

Jungkook tries, but he’s just not into it. He’s tired, for starters.

Jimin frowns. He walks up to Jungkook from behind and wraps an arm around his chest. He tenses up, but Jimin doesn’t notice. “Feel the movement through your chest, and then your abs. It’s not a solid motion, it’s fluid.” He pushes into Jungkook’s chest, guiding the movement, standing behind him and –

Jesus. Jungkook moves away from Jimin in a hurry. The confusion is quick to form in Jimin’s eyes, but Jungkook tries his best to make it disappear with the first thing that pops into his head. “Sorry, hyung, I’m just feeling a little tired.”

It seems to satisfy Jimin enough. He nods in agreement. “We should stop for the day. You've been doing great, Jungkookie.”

Fuck. The compliment makes his face heat up and his blood boil, but he refuses to pay attention to that as well. 

They’re packing their bags and cleaning up the studio when Jungkook realizes he doesn’t want to leave Jimin’s company yet. “Do you want to go see a movie?” he blurts out.

Oh shit. Did I just ask him on a date? Is that a date question?

Jimin laughs and points at the two of them in the mirror. “Looking and smelling like this? I don’t think everyone else in the theatre would be happy about that.”

Jungkook is maybe a bit disappointed.

“But,” Jimin adds, “we can go home, shower, and then watch a movie at my place? Taehyung might be there, I don't know. He's been busy lately.”

And so that’s settled. The two of them head in the direction of Jimin’s apartment. The walk is slow, with Jungkook telling stories and jokes and saying stupid shit, anything to keep Jimin laughing and smiling like he does. Jungkook falls apart in all the best ways because of that laugh.

They both take turns showering at Jimin’s apartment, and when Jungkook can’t find a clean shirt in his gym bag that he knows he packed, he ends up asking Jimin for one of his. But now he has to sit there with the knowledge that he’s wearing Jimin’s soft cotton shirt, faded and stretched and well-worn, which means Jimin likes it enough to wear it often. He tries not to dwell on it. He should not be dwelling.

They watch some sort of romantic drama that Jimin wanted to see. Jungkook isn’t interested as much, but whatever Jimin wants, he’ll gladly give.

“Are you hungry?” Jimin asks him about halfway through. Way past the point of Jungkook's attention span. He’s laying across Jungkook’s lap, like he normally does. Jimin always starts a movie sitting like a normal person, but by the end of it he’s passed out on whoever is nearby and the six of them always deal with it. Even Yoongi sometimes, and Yoongi doesn’t even so much as bat an eye at it.

Everyone’s a simp for Park Jimin. It’s not just a Jungkook thing.

“I’m a little hungry,” Jungkook admits. It’s been awhile since lunch, and they have been dancing all evening. His stomach growls at the thought. “Do you have the ingredients for ramen?”

Jimin scoffs as he swings his legs off Jungkook’s lap and stands. “When don’t we have ingredients for ramen?” Jungkook makes to help Jimin prepare the food, but Jimin waves a spoon at him. “I’m the hyung, I’ll cook.”

Jungkook grabs the spoon. “I’m taller.”

“How is that superior? Gimme the spoon.”

Jungkook holds the spoon in the air. It’s the only correct response.

Or, it is until Jimin tickles his sides and he drops the spoon with an awkward quack of a laugh. Jimin erupts into giggles, which is just fine with Jungkook, except now he has the spoon. “Fuck.”

It’s not long before the ramen ingredients are left on the counter and the two of them are fighting over a damn wooden spoon that goes on for minutes. It only ends when Jimin makes one wrong move and accidentally smacks Jungkook’s nose with the flat end.

Jimin freezes. “Shit, I’m sorry. Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”

It hurt so incredibly little that it doesn’t classify as pain, but Jimin’s terror makes Jungkook burst out laughing until his side starts to ache.

“Fucking hell,” Jimin breathes out, starting to laugh as well.

Jungkook wipes at his eyes with a sigh. “Why don’t we both cook? Is that so hard? Look, we just exerted more energy and now we’re going to starve.”

It’s enough for Jimin.

So the two of them pause the movie, turn on some music, and throw together two bowls of ramen. Conversation flows like it always does, in that way that makes Jungkook wish it could go on forever.

He wishes all of this could go on forever. Does Jimin not realize just how whipped he is? Listening to music as they cook, wearing his t-shirt, watching cheesy movies?

Jungkook is really obvious. Sometimes he just thinks Jimin is blind.

But Jungkook shouldn’t be acting like it’s anything more than what they have already. It’s not fair to Jimin. And yet every minute they spend together, it gets harder and harder to convince himself to just stop loving him.

As if it were possible to begin with.

“You look like you’re thinking too hard,” Jimin interrupts his thoughts. He gives Jungkook a quizzical look that seems to look straight through him.

Jungkook tries to smile nonchalantly and probably doesn’t pass it off. “Ah, just wondering what I should add to my bowl.”

It looks like Jimin knows better and wants to say something about it, but his thought gets cut short when the song changes. “Oh, I love this song!”

Jungkook doesn’t recognize it, but Jimin closes his eyes and starts swaying along to the slow melody. He looks so fucking cute.

Jungkook doesn’t realize he only has eyes for Jimin right now until Jimin peaks at him and points it out. “What are you staring at?”

“That spider in your hair.”

Jimin’s eyes widen. “I know you’re joking, but I’m going to need you to say ‘sike’ right fucking now.”

Jungkook just laughs and sticks out a hand for him to grab. “Dance with me?”

“Only if you say it.”

“Sike.”

And Jungkook pulls him close. The part of his brain that tries to make good choices is yelling at him to stop this, but he doesn’t want to. He just wants to live in this moment while it lasts.

Jimin spins around and then back into his arms, and Jimin lets out another giggle. This man’s smile really is going to be the death of him some day, and Jungkook is perfectly okay with it. There are worse ways to die. There are worse reasons to die.

Jungkook catches Jimin after another spin – he still isn’t sure how Jimin twirls that skillfully – and dips him down this time. His mind flashes back to the day at the studio when Yoongi and Taehyung came to visit, the first time where he really realized just how much he wanted someone he couldn’t have.

And even though he now knows he probably won’t ever be what Jimin wants, that burning desire has done nothing but grow.

Jungkook brings Jimin out of the dip, where he lands with a hand around Jungkook’s neck. His heart is racing. His mind is racing. Everything is going too fast, and he just really wants time to slow down, and–

Jimin brings his other hand up around Jungkook’s jawline.

He doesn’t think, not about anything other than how fucking close Jimin’s lips are right now, and how bad of an idea it is to just lean forward, just the smallest amount, and…

It may be a phantom touch, completely in his head, but he thinks maybe Jimin’s fingers dig into the back of his neck and try to pull him in–

The apartment door opens just then, and Jungkook feels the sudden absence of Jimin’s presence in his arms. Taehyung walks in and looks up to see the two of them just standing there looking like two deer in headlights. “What the fuck did I interrupt?”

Funny, Yoongi said that same thing last time. Jungkook nearly turns around and bashes his head against the refrigerator. The temptation is strong.

But also, so is the burning horror when he realizes just how close he was to fucking everything up. Was he really about to kiss Jimin? Just throw every fucking moral and principle he set for himself out the window? Wow. He’s really impressed with his self-control.

He’s mostly disappointed in himself. And he’s mad.

Really gonna dismiss Jimin’s lack of desire for a soulmate just for what? A kiss?

“We’re making ramen,” Jimin says like it’s obvious.

Taehyung’s gaze flick to the bowls forgotten on the counter, probably cold by now, and then back at Jimin. “I’ve never cooked ramen like this. I might invite Yoongi next time if I do because it looks fun.”

Jungkook feels his face burn as he locks eyes with Tae, who does nothing but raise a brow and smirk. Fucking bastard.

Taehyung waltzes by Jimin and presses a fat kiss to his check. “Night Chim, I’m exhausted. Night to you Jungkookie.”

Taehyung winks – fucking winks – at him as he walks to his room. Jungkook glares at the back of his head. Hard. You’re an actual asshole.

But Taehyung knows that already.

Jimin turns around to look at him and he’s pulled back to the situation at hand. Neither of them know what to say. Goddamn it, he made it awkward. Fucking fuck. “I, uh. I should probably get going. I have to work early tomorrow.”

“What about your ramen?” Jimin asks, and he sounds so sad, good lord, why does it upset Jungkook so badly? His entire heart feels like it’s going to shatter.

It probably has less to do with the ramen and more about the inevitable onslaught of emotions he’s going to have to deal with therapeutically tonight. It’s totally great.

“Bring it to me tomorrow,” Jungkook answers as he grabs his bag. “You know, for our lunch date.”

Maybe it’s his imagination, but Jimin seems to blush at the word “date.” He probably is imaging it, because clearly, he’s fucking delusional.

Jungkook gives Jimin a smile. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Jimin returns it. Jungkook isn’t sure why, but he worried for a second that he wouldn’t. “See you tomorrow, Kook-ah.”

Jungkook forces himself out the door after that and uses the walk home to clear his mind. Hopefully he can take his sleeping meds and go straight to bed without having to think. It’s a tomorrow morning issue. He just wants to sleep it off.

He dodges Yoongi with a quick goodnight and collapses on his bed. Turns out he doesn’t need his pills tonight, because the unconscious void pulls him into its depths nearly immediately, thank fucking God.

His last thought before completely passing out is that he’s still wearing Jimin’s shirt and he doesn’t feel guilty about it at all.

***

Jimin hasn’t seen Taehyung at all since he barged in two days ago. He’s been too busy with projects and trips and whatnot, trying to piece together some pictures for an art gallery of sorts.  Tonight he’s spending the evening at an art exhibit with Namjoon-hyung; they’ve both been excited for it this whole week, like a pair of nerds, which is great and all, but Jimin desperately wants to tell him about whatever the actual fuck happened with Jungkook.

Maybe the universe doesn’t want him to tell Taehyung yet. Maybe this is some kind of sign, keeping Taehyung away from him.

Which might be a good thing. Tae can’t keep a secret to save his life.

But he needs to talk. He’s going absolutely batshit at this point.

So instead, Jimin calls Hoseok to panic, because Hoseok knows a thing or two about soulmates and he knows a thing or two about Jungkook.

But Hoseok probably thinks Jimin is dying from the way he urgently states that they need to meet right now and that this couldn’t be discussed over a video chat. Perhaps the theatrics were high tonight.

Jimin sits at their typical coffee shop meet-up spot, with a glass of water clenched in his hands and his knees bouncing under the table. He’s so fidgety and he has been for days at this point. Jimin has seen Jungkook maybe a total of four times the past two days, and somehow, they both are doing a damn good job at pretending nothing happened. Jimin sure as hell doesn’t know how to bring up the subject and just casually ask Hey, were you about to like, kiss me or something?

He doesn’t sit there for long before Hoseok comes bustling into the shop and makes his way over to where Jimin sits. He plops down across from him at the booth and, with no preamble, says, “Okay, who died?”

“Me,” Jimin croaks. He’s being very dramatic, he knows that, but his heart hasn’t quit racing since…Well, since the thing, and he just needs to get it off his chest before said thing causes him to actually keel over and fucking pass away.

“Are you okay?” Hoseok is starting to sound a bit more concerned than necessary.

Jimin backtracks, although the concern is nice. “I’m fine. Nothing’s wrong, I’m just,” he chooses his words carefully, “having a bit of a crisis. And I need advice.”

Hoseok cocks his head, but the look in his eyes suggest to Jimin that he already knows where this conversation will be leading. “What kind of crisis?”

Oh lord. Jimin’s face starts to burn. Why did he think this was a good idea? Telling Hoseok about his…his – whatever the fuck that was, it’s kind of childish. Childish, inappropriate, immature, and a million other things that just scream wrong, should not be happening, stop thinking this way. He almost wants to tell him never mind, but.

Jimin’s losing it, and if he doesn’t talk to someone about this, he may combust. So. “I have a problem, I think. A…a Jungkook problem.”

He sees Hoseok tense up a bit, and of course Jimin understands. Typically, the problems he has with Jungkook aren’t the greatest to deal with. Or at least, they definitely weren’t in the past. “What happened? Are you two fighting?”

Jimin scoffs out a laugh. He almost wishes he and Jungkook were fighting. Somehow that would be easier to manage. “Not even close.”

Hoseok’s expression turns to one of confusion. “That’s…I mean, that’s not what I was expecting. So what happened, then?”

“I-” Jimin just feels the heat radiating from his cheeks again. Fucking hell. Just say it, just say it out loud, it’s not the end of the world. “I think we…oh my God.” Jimin covers his face with his hands. “We almost kissed,” he blurts it out in one breath.

Hoseok gawks at him like he’s grown a second head. “You what?”

“Jungkook and I almost kissed,” Jimin repeats a bit more slowly. It sounds even more ridiculous the second time it comes out. “And-and I think I wanted him to. No, fuck, I do want him to, goddamn it, I want him to kiss me like a fucking lot.”

Hoseok just stares at him. Jimin lets out a groan and puts his head on the table. His legs won’t stop bouncing and his heart won’t stop racing. Jesus Christ.

This is ridiculous. This is the dumbest, most irresponsible, painful thing he’s ever had to deal with. Jungkook is his friend, one of his best friends, with a strong history at that.

No. He’s the hyung. He shouldn’t be feeling like this, thinking like this.

“I’m going insane, I’m just fucking losing my mind,” Jimin mutters out. Hoseok doesn’t respond. “Please say something, I’m horrified.”

“What’s there to be horrified about? The fact that you’ve just had a sexual awakening?” Hoseok says calmly. But, oh lord, there’s a smirk on his face.

This was a mistake. Hoseok is enjoying this. Hoseok is a sadist. “Oh my God.”

“It’s okay Jimin, you’re not the first person to look at Jungkookie and want him to strangle you with those thighs.”

“Hoseok!”

“What! It’s okay to admit it! You want to fuck Jungkook!”

“Oh my God, hyung, stop.” Jimin hides his face in his hands. He feels slightly hysterical. Hoseok just cackles and Jimin wants to kick him.

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry.” He doesn’t fucking sound sorry, but whatever. “You’re obviously experiencing some internal conflict over this. What’s wrong?”

“It’s all wrong. All of it.”

“Why’s that?” Hoseok asks the question like he’s serious.

And Jimin would’ve thought the answers are obvious. “Because of soulmates, and because of our past, and because we’re friends, because I’m older, because he’s going through too much, because he thinks I don’t want anyone, that I’m aromantic, because I’m fucking stupid. Do I need to continue?”

Hoseok rolls his eyes. “Okay first of all, I don’t think you being older matters, or that you’re friends, or even that you had a tricky past, because you’re over it now.”

“But-”

“No, let me finish. Second of all, um. Soulmates are weird. Have you talked to Jungkook about soulmates? I think this is something you should, you know, mention to him.”

“Let’s exclude the part where I talk to Jungkook because it’s not happening.”

Hoseok frowns. “But-”

“Not happening.” It’s just not. Jimin can’t fathom the idea right now. Or maybe ever.

Hoseok sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Okay, so let’s think realistically here, all association to you and Jungkook aside. People fall in love with other people who aren’t their soulmate. It’s possible. I mean, do you think I’ve never been in love? The universe took away someone who could love me; it didn’t take away my ability to fall for someone. You know what I mean?”

Jimin nods and takes a sip of water.

When he doesn’t say anything more, Hoseok continues. “If you want my honest opinion, I don’t think the universe should get to decide who we love. Yeah, almost all of the time, the force that matches us with random people seems to work, but then it has its faults. And what happens to those people? Do they not get the choice to love and be loved?” Hoseok shakes his head. “It’s just not right to me.”

Jimin still doesn’t have anything to say to that. It makes sense. Jimin understands it, and he understands why Hoseok would strongly believe it. It’s hard to believe in something’s grandiose when that something has only ever fucked you over. He actually completely understands.

“I think the universe can try to place you with someone it thinks is perfect for you. And you can either fall in love with them, or not fall in love with them, and the same with that other person. I don’t think it gets the power to make us love.” Hoseok leans back in the booth with a sigh. Jimin can tell this is a topic he’s thought long and hard on in his life, and it’s still probably one that sits with him. “I actually kind of hate the idea of soulmates. I just want to love who I love. Perfect for me or not.”

“Who were you in love with?” Jimin asks after a moment, when he feels confident enough to speak past the pressure in his throat. He refuses to cry, but for fuck’s sake, does this soulmate thing really have to bite him in the ass yet again? Does it have to affect all of them like this? He thought soulmates were supposed to be a good thing.

Something changes in Hoseok’s expression, and Jimin can’t tell if it’s sad or bittersweet or fond or what. “Her name was Ryujin. We used to dance together back in high school, but. You know. She found her soulmate right before we came to college.” Hoseok must see that Jimin looks sympathetic because he waves it off with a laugh. “It’s in the past. I have my fond memories of her. Sometimes in this life people like me just have to take the best we’re given, you know? But I don’t think that should be the case with you. I think you deserve everything you want. And if that’s Jungkook, then so be it.”

Jimin hates that. He hates all of this. “Hyung.”

“Hmm?”

“When we first started talking about this, you remember that I asked you how you dealt with all of this. And you said you were doing better, but not perfect. You do remember, right?”

“I do.”

“Are you really doing better?”

The smile Hoseok gives him then doesn’t reach his eyes. It’s probably the most upset he’s ever seen him look. “I think based on what you told me about this Seonjae guy, I could be in a much worse place without my soulmark. I love my friends, and you guys love me. And we don’t need to be soulmates for that.”

Jimin is silent after that, because what can he possibly say? It’s true.

“Do you love him?” Hoseok asks after a while. “Who gets to decide whether Jungkook is your soulmate or not? Is it really the universe?”

And Jimin doesn’t know how to fucking answer.

***

Jungkook holds out for a week, but he needs someone’s advice. Jungkook wants to talk to Yoongi nearly the same amount that he doesn’t want to – it’s an equal split. First and foremost, Yoongi is his best friend, as close to a real brother as he’ll ever get. He goes to him for everything, and Yoongi goes to him. And second, Yoongi is much more mature about things and, although Jungkook never says so out loud, he gives fantastic advice because he actually looks out for Jungkook’s wellbeing.

But Yoongi is also a bitch and will inevitably laugh at him for being this stupid. Laugh, or get annoyed and make him tell Jimin the truth.

He considers Taehyung; Tae would give him good advice. Or maybe Hoseok, because he knows the most about soulmates and all that comes with it. But Hoseok and Taehyung are both close to Jimin, and he hates having Taehyung keep secrets any more than he has to.

He needs to talk to someone, though. His soul is imploding at this point.

Jin-hyung.

Grabbing his phone, he dials Jin’s number before he can change his mind or convince himself that Yoongi’s ridicule would be better than embarrassing himself in front of his oldest hyung. While it rings, he tries to plan what the fuck he’s even going to say.

“Hiya Jungkookie,” Jin answers after three rings. Three rings was not enough time for him to make a plan, fuck.

“H-hey, hyung,” Jungkook swallows. “Are you, uh, busy right now?”

“Not really, just cooking dinner. Would you like to come over? Is something wrong?”

How does one explain this casually? Is it even possible to just drop a random I’m in love with my best friend because he’s actually my soulmate but I said his words years ago as a joke-not-joke but he doesn’t know it? “I just have something I’d really like your advice on, if that’s okay?”

“Of course it’s okay,” Jin says. “Now get your ass over here so I can feed you.”

Jungkook laughs. Jin never seems to stop cooking. “Thanks, hyung. I’m on my way.”

Jungkook takes the car, because Jin’s house is a bit more of a walk than he cares to make this late in the evening. He makes it there in ten minutes or so, and almost as soon as he steps in the door, Jin is dragging him to the kitchen. “Here, help me chop up these veggies and whatever you do, don’t let Namjoon help.”

Jungkook steps into the kitchen and sees Namjoon sitting at the bar, reading a book. “Oh, hi hyung.”

Namjoon looks up at him and grins, closing his book. “Hey Kook-ah, what’s up?”

Does he dare explain to both of them? Maybe this wasn’t a smart idea. He grabs a knife and follows Jin’s lead cutting the carrots while he skillfully chops an onion. “Well, I have a problem.”

“What kind of problem?” Jin says. He bustles around the kitchen with ease and a plan. He knows what he’s doing. Jungkook wonders why he went into acting over cooking, but honestly he’s an even better actor.

Meanwhile Namjoon sits and doesn't touch anything, as instructed.

“Um, well.” Seriously, what the fuck does he say? “I have a crush on someone.” Oh for fuck's sake.

They both pause and look at him. This is embarrassing. This is bringing shame to his family name. Even worse than he already has.

“Are you afraid if you say Jimin’s name, you’ll summon him?” Namjoon asks in all seriousness.

Jungkook winces. Of course it’s that obvious. But why is it obvious to everyone but Jimin? “Uh.”

How can he explain without telling them the whole story? Can he just admit to this?

I swear to God, I’m only embarrassing myself worse now.

He doesn’t think he can. Not right now. He wonders some days if he’s going to carry this secret to the grave with him because he’s nothing but a coward. And what is he afraid of? He doubts that Jimin will hate him forever.

Or maybe he will. He just doesn’t know.

Jungkook lets out a heavy sigh. “Okay, I have something to tell you.”

Namjoon and Jin look at each other, like they’re silently communicating. And some part of Jungkook thinks they might already fucking know, but regardless, here goes everything.

“Well, this all started in high school.”

***

joonie [23:09] so u knew about jimin and jungkook before he told us?

Jin [23:10] I did, u too?

joonie [23:11] I didn’t know the whole story but I knew they were soulmates. I think we all fucking know at this point

Jin [23:14] lol tell that to jiminie

joonie [23:15] I’m about to do just that istg

***

UrHope [07:16] hey tae, I assume ur aware of the jimin/jungkook soulmate shit?

TaeTae<3 [07:23] yes omg did jungkook tell you????????

UrHope [07:25] no yoongi did

TaeTae<3 [07:27] ah. yeah, jungkook’s not the best at telling people about it

TaeTae<3 [07:27] *cough cough*

UrHope [07:31] idk why he’s making himself miserable? Jimin is literally in love with him

TaeTae<3 [07:32] has jimin finally admitted it?

TaeTae<3 [07:32] idk how much longer I can keep this from him

UrHope [07:33] jungkook’s fucking stupid, man

TaeTae<3 [07:34] hA

***

TaeTae<3 [07:46] so when u said everyone knows but jimin…

minsuga [07:48] everyone, tae

***

TaeTae<3 [07:50] JOONIE UR SMART HOW DO YOU MAKE TWO IDIOTS CONFESS

joonie [07:53] so we all on this ship, huh

***

joonie created group chat minsuga, TaeTae<3, Jin, UrHope

joonie renamed group chat “Jungkook and Jimin Support Group”

UrHope [08:23] so is this a support group for jimin and jungkook or because of them?

joonie [08:24] its for us and our trauma

TaeTae<3 [08:26] valid

Jin [08:27] im crying lmfao

minsuga [08:28] I’m crying for different reasons

TaeTae<3 [08:28] also valid

minsuga [08:29] so we all know they’re soulmates. how many of us know the entire story?

Jin [08:30] jungkook told joon and i the other night

TaeTae<3 [08:30] he yelled it at me one day

UrHope [08:31] jimin told me the high school story from his pov and I pieced it together

minsuga [08:33] these fuckers

UrHope [08:34] literally why don’t we just tell jimin ourselves

minsuga [08:34] can’t do that seok

TaeTae<3 [08:34] not our secret to tell :(((

TaeTae<3 [08:35] and besides, kook is very very insistent that he does it when he’s ready

minsuga [08:35] whenever the fuck that is

Jin [08:36] maybe if i stopped barging in on them about to make out this would be resolved

TaeTae<3 [08:36] lololol u too?

minsuga [08:37] jesus fucking christ

***

Jimin doesn’t plan on stopping by the music hall on his way home from work that Friday evening, but he does anyway. He knows Jungkook stays late here some evenings. That’s probably why his feet brought him in this direction.

He makes his way to the studio he knows Jungkook prefers, the one right in the corner away from the others. Jungkook sits at the bench, headphones around his neck, scribbling away in the journal Jimin got him.

His heart skips a beat every time he sees Jungkook use that thing. The gift Jimin thought was too corny and cringy to give, and Jungkook uses it constantly. Jimin sees the second ticket Jungkook got him stuck in the back of it, and that definitely stabs at him. It's coming up fairly soon, within a few weeks, after school lets out. Maybe Jimin can ask him on a date.

Gently, Jimin knocks on the door’s window and Jungkook turns. A smile pops onto his face when he sees him, and God does that smile just kick Jimin in the stomach. “Hey,” Jungkook greets him when he walks in.

“Hey.” Jimin takes a seat beside him on the bench and clasps his hands together. Like he’s nervous or something. It’s just Jungkookie, what the fuck is he gonna do. “You working on anything new?”

“Yeah, actually. I’ve been trying to write some lyrics a little bit every day, part of my therapy and all. I’ve got this project coming up for finals that I’ve been working on.”

“Can I hear?”

Jungkook looks at him with something that resembles fear. Jimin tears his eyes away, suddenly feeling way too shy to be sitting this close and asking such personal questions. Lyrics are poetry. That touches someone's heart. Jungkook would share if he wanted to, he shouldn't pry.

“Yeah, of course, hyung,” Jungkook answers. He flips open to a different page and starts singing a cappella right there. His voice is just as stunning as ever, and it makes Jimin’s stomach do an awful sort of flip.

What the fuck, Jimin.

It’s a sweet song. The lyrics, his voice, his emotion. Everything is just beautiful and by the time Jungkook sings the little verses he wrote, the words that came from his own heart and soul, Jimin finds himself desperately, desperately wishing the lyrics were about him.

Jungkook finishes and he’s looking at Jimin expectantly. Jimin is in awe, but then again, when isn't he? “It’s amazing, Jungkook. I love it.”

There’s a subtle blush on his face, but Jimin notices how he basks in the praise. “Do you have any ideas to add to it? I wouldn’t mind some help.”

Jimin thinks on it. Lyrics haven’t always been his strong suit, but he did take the same lyric composition course Jungkook took last year as an elective. Before he knows it, Jimin sings a few lines that pop into his head. And then a few more, because they start coming to him now.

And when he feels like it needs to cut off, when his ideas run short, Jungkook is staring at him. “I didn’t know you could sing.”

Jimin wants to laugh. “I really can’t.”

“Then what was that?”

He shakes his head. “I was just helping you like you asked!”

“Will you sing with me? I think if I have to compose this entire track myself, I’d like to have your vocals in the background. Yoongi's already helping me draft out the musical composition.”

The request is so random that it catches Jimin completely off guard. Jimin is hardly the singer Jungkook is. “Me? I’m sure someone else would sound much better than-”

“I want you.” It comes out in a hurry, pleading almost, and Jungkook blushes aggressively. Jimin tries to ignore it, and he tries to ignore the way it makes him feel. He's already ignoring his clammy hands and now his sudden pounding heart. Jungkook clears his throat and looks at the journal in front of him. Anywhere but Jimin. “I, um, I want you to sing. I like your voice, hyung. But only if you would want to.”

He says it very softly, very sensitive, and Jimin has a hard, if not impossible, time saying no. And so he agrees, and Jungkook immediately perks up. Like an excited puppy. Jungkook tells Jimin try out a few more lines while he scribbles down the ones Jimin had already sung. And while Jimin now feels nervous knowing he's being taken seriously, he still sings for Jungkook just like Jungkook's been doing for him.

Jimin thinks about telling him, then. But what good would it do? It would probably do more harm than good, actually. Didn’t he tell Jungkook it wasn’t possible for someone like him to love? It’s not appropriate. It’s not right.

But is it also right to sit and let Jungkook believe that lie? Jimin knows he can love, and that's the problem. It's stupid, but his brain has decided that if it can't be Jungkook, he doesn't want it.

But he thinks. He wonders. Maybe Jungkook likes him too. He’ll never know unless he can brave the thought of asking.

Can Jimin just pick from the group of people who’ve said his words? Can he choose Jungkook from the batch of fake soulmates? He feels like the universe at least owes the both of them that fucking right.

Somedays Jimin just really wants Jungkook to confirm that he’s not Jimin’s soulmate. He wants to hear the words that prove he’s ridiculous for even considering the thought, just like it was back in high school. He wants Jungkook to say no, I said your words because Seonjae wanted me to, not because I’m actually yours.

It's just. This isn't high school anymore. And Jungkook wasn't the same back then as he is now.

All it would take is for him to ask. Just ask about Jungkook’s soulmate. Just ask for the truth.

Do you love him? Hoseok had asked at the shop. And what he really meant was, does Jimin love Jungkook enough to risk what having a future soulmate would mean for them?

Maybe Jimin just doesn’t want to hear either truth, a yes or a no. Maybe he just doesn’t want this to change, this friendship he has with Jungkook.

Or maybe he does, and that's what's scaring him the most.

***

ChimChim<3 [01:13] im telling him

hoseokie [01:14] ur what now?

ChimChim<3 [01:14] im telling Jungkook the truth

hoseokie [01:15] oh

hoseokie [01:15] OH

hoseokie [01:15] GOD BLESS

hoseokie [01:16] at the party tmr??? or after??? before?? What’s the game plan here

ChimChim<3 [01:17] idk maybe before? Whenever the time is right

hoseokie [01:18] the time has been right for about five months, ur just dense

ChimChim<3 [01:18] :o

ChimChim<3 [01:18] I knew I should’ve talked to taehyung instead, he’s not mean to me

hoseokie created group chat TaeTae<3 and ChimChim<3

hoseokie [01:21] tae

TaeTae<3 [01:21] yessir

hoseokie [01:22] tell jimin he’s dense

TaeTae<3 [01:22] @parkjiminie

ChimChim<3 [01:23] yes tae

TaeTae<3 [01:24] ur dense, do what hyung says

TaeTae<3 has left unnamed group chat

hoseokie [01:25] mic drop

Chapter Text

Jimin always likes to touch on the makeup here and there, but tonight he gives it some flare. He can’t really help it; when it comes to parties that he feels like enjoying, he has to go big or go home. Like he always tells Tae, if the clothes don’t look like they’re going to come off, don’t wear them.

Jimin flicks the brush around his eyelids with a familiar hand, ignoring the sound of Taehyung yelling for him to hurry up and let the others in. For some fucking reason, all of them, aside from Namjoon and Jin, have decided to gather here in Jimin’s tiny ass apartment to get ready, and it has never been more chaotic.

He jolts a bit when there’s a heavy pounding on the door, and jolts even more when Yoongi-hyung’s alarmingly desperate shout reaches his ears. “Jimin, I gotta piss, man.”

One last brushstroke and he’s good to go. Jimin flings open the door and barely has time to get out before Yoongi brushes past him and slams the door shut behind him like the dramatic ass bitch he is.

Jimin shakes out his hair and flicks his fingers through it a few times to fluff it up. He stops by the mirror on his closet door and looks at his outfit, just as Taehyung and Hoseok start yelling at each other about hurrying up. He ignores them, thinking maybe he should put on a different shirt than the silky black one he pair with the leather pants. But it looks hot, so he thinks otherwise. He always doubts this shirt and yet it has never failed him.

Jimin hears someone walk into his room as he’s looking through his closet for a jacket to pair with the outfit. “Taehyung-ah, do I look alright? Are these the jeans that make my ass look nice?”

But when Jimin turns around, it’s Jungkook standing there, not Taehyung.

“Oh.” Jimin’s face blushes instantly, but he tries to play it off. It’s Jungkook. It’s his friend. He can ask his opinion, right? “Well, um, how do I look?”

Jungkook blinks at him before dragging his gaze up and down, and oh. Jungkook licks his lips, Jesus fuck. Jimin’s stomach starts to burn and he’s suddenly left breathless. “You look good, hyung,” Jungkook says, but his voice sounds different. Jimin isn’t sure how different, but regardless, it leaves him winded. "And, uh, your ass looks good, too."

He thinks, he thinks maybe he feels his lips quirk upward in a grin.  “Thanks, Kook-ah."

And with that, Jungkook turns on his heel and leaves Jimin’s room. When Hoseok and Taehyung call for them to get out here or they’re leaving without them, Jimin still has to take a moment to recover from the intensity of Jungkook's eyes.

***

Taehyung nearly gets them all kicked out of the restaurant because of his loud flamboyancy, and from the look on Yoongi’s face, he’s an equal mix of proud and disappointed. It makes Jungkook want to laugh, because Yoongi damn near doesn’t know what he should do with his soulmate right now.

He isn’t sure when it becomes their custom to stop by the diner at the edge of town before they go to any party or event on campus. It’s a weird and random tradition, but regardless, Jungkook is thrilled to be part of the pre-gaming.

Although he sits there with a glass of water while his hyungs pass around a platter of shots. Yoongi told him he could have one, if he really wanted, but Jungkook happily denied. He’s alright with it. He’s alright with watching Hoseok’s face turn red the quickest and Yoongi turn red the slowest. He’s alright with Namjoon’s extra dose of clumsiness and Taehyung’s volume increase and Jin’s public embarrassment and useless scolding.

What bothers him, though, is how quiet Jimin seems to be. He’s had about three shots so far, plus he’s sipping on some mixer, so Jungkook has been making sure he doesn’t go too far. It’s funny, how Jungkook is somehow the designated crowd herder of the seven of them.

Jimin sits on the opposite side of the table, seemingly as far away from Jungkook as he can get. He tries not to look at him too much, but he worries his reaction in the bedroom was a bit too much. Too obvious.

But what did he expect? Jimin looks good. Jimin knows he looks good. And that smirk? Seriously, what was Jungkook supposed to do?

Jungkook takes a sip of water and tries to clear his head. He looks over at Jimin’s hands clutched tightly around his glass. He’s the only one watching Jimin, the only one concerned, although he knows concern isn't the only reason he can't stop peaking over at him.

Jimin looks up then, and Jungkook jolts like he’s guilty. Guilty of what? Being a dumbass? 

Stop denying it. You’re stupid and in love and Jimin’s fucking hot.

Jimin is the first to look away. Jungkook tries not to take it to heart.

Luckily everyone becomes distracted by Taehyung, who jumps up on the table and starts singing some really trashy Western pop song. Hoseok and Namjoon are yelling and cheering and Jungkook just watches the pandemonium unfold. Yoongi hides his face in his arms in utter misery. Jin couldn't look more like a disappointed parent if he tried.

As the waitress makes her way over to them and Taehyung scrambles down, Jungkook snorts a laugh and tries to focus on making this evening a decent one.

***

Jimin can’t believe he’s saying this, but for the first time in a while, he’s enjoying the party they’re at. It’s not a horrible mash of people – he’s actually run into quite a few people he knows over campus, from class and work and various other places – and he’s had more than enough drinks that none of it is threatening. He wishes it could always be like this, because Jimin loves the party vibe, he really does. He loves the dancing and the fogginess and the blur. It’s amazing.

But in particular what he doesn’t like right now is how much everyone at this stupid party likes watching Jungkook dance. He really does not like that.

Jungkook seems to enjoy the attention, though.

And people have come up to get Jimin to dance, of course. Many people. It makes him shy, and he always declines with polite, drunken words, but he knows it’s not all because of talking to new people. And people watch him, he knows that too. He didn’t come dressed like this to not turn heads. But it doesn’t matter because…because–

It’s wrong of him, it’s so wrong, but every time some random nobody pulls Jungkook close to them, or dances up against him, something hard and hot burns in his chest, causes his heart to race, and he’s mad. It’s ridiculous, but God, is he fucking pissed.

He doesn’t want to call it jealousy, but he feels like there’s no other label for it. Maybe he shouldn’t call it jealousy. That entails that he’s defensive over something that’s already his, and Jungkook is not his. Jimin is envious.

And he hates it. But he’s not feeling strong enough to do anything about it. In fact, just the opposite.

Before he realizes it, Jimin is moving over to him, slinking away from the wall he’d been leaning against and watching from. If everyone else can dance with Jungkook, why can’t he?

For fuck’s sake, Jungkook is his dance partner.

And it was him who Jungkook’s eyes were all over before they even came to this fucking party.

***

The party blurs in colors and sounds that mingle together in Jungkook’s brain, and it isn’t even controlled by the influence of alcohol and the other drugs inevitably circulating through this large gathering of people. The beat from the music pounds in his chest, the bass too aggressive, but he doesn’t complain. His friends enjoy each other’s company at a nearby table while he heads to the dance floor. He’s not drunk, no, but he does feel the adrenaline of being at a club party frazzling his nervous system into a frenzied hype.

So Jungkook does what he does best: he dances. He dances in the midst of a crowd where his mind turns hazy, all because of the atmosphere. He dances with anyone and everyone and let’s himself ignore every possible problem in this world.

That is, until he’s joined by Jimin, who has had many more drinks than he normally would.  

Jimin is a lot more carefree when he’s drunk, Jungkook has noticed more than once. Carefree and open and expressive. Sometimes a bit more klutzy, too, and more than occasionally handsy.  

Jimin stumbles over into Jungkook’s arms, looking up at him with half-closed eyes. His eye makeup really does look stunning right now. Jungkook’s heart skips. “Hey, pretty boy.”

Jimin giggles as he throws his hands around Jungkook’s neck and links his fingers. Jungkook smiles back – it’s cute, Jimin’s fucking cute.

Yeah, like calling him cute will make it okay that you kept wanting to slam him against that wall earlier.

Jungkook ignores that and instead grabs Jimin’s waist.

And then they do what they do best together. They dance, because when all kinds of thoughts and emotions and feelings and whatever the fuck else are putting some distance between them, dancing is the one language that helps them understand each other. Jungkook loves it.

It’s nothing coordinated. It’s simply moving together to the beat of the loud and heavy music that’s playing, along with everyone else. Jimin looks relaxed as he leans his head back, the wild lights flashing against his throat.

Jungkook really tries not to focus on it, but where else is he supposed to look?

He feels a pull on his arm – someone is trying to pull him away to dance, as they’ve been doing all night, and Jimin clings to him, fingers digging in. It’s adorable, the little pout, adorably sexy, and wow Jungkook’s head is spinning.

Someone else pulls at him again, and this time, he feels brave. Too brave, too stupid, maybe. He smiles at the person, a reasonably pretty blonde girl with a revealing top that he’s probably supposed to be attracted to. He lets her pull him a little too far away from Jimin.

But it provokes Jimin – which he’ll be ashamed to admit later is what he wants. Jimin jerks Jungkook back, close. Very close. Close enough that Jimin is able to reach up and whisper in Jungkook’s ear, “No, you’re mine.”

Shit. Fuck. Jungkook chokes on air. What was he expecting to get out of it? Not that, for sure. “Am I?”

Then he and Jimin are dancing again. Not just together, but together. Slow. Intimate. Jimin turns around and his back is pressed against Jungkook’s chest, and they’re dancing, dancing the way everyone else here dances. Young, drunk, and single. And stupid, so, so fucking stupid, what is he doing.

Does he stop? No.

Jungkook wraps his fingers around Jimin’s hips, lightly at first, to keep up with his pace and movement, but he can’t help the urge to pull him closer. His fingertips slip underneath the hem of Jimin’s shirt, catching the skin, and Jimin breathes out harshly. It would be a lie to say it wasn’t intentional, but also some part of his brain is disconnected from logic and reasoning. Because this shouldn’t be happening, right? Neither of them should be letting this happen.

There’s a fire burning through Jungkook’s veins that he’s never really felt before. Fuck. Jimin leans his head back onto Jungkook’s shoulder, and Jungkook just can’t help it, not when the bait is right there. He presses his lips to the skin right below Jimin’s ear, gently at first, and then – more. Jimin lets out a sigh.

It affects him. It affects him badly.

And Jimin knows it does. It’d be hard not to notice how much it’s screwing with Jungkook’s head. Jimin knows what he’s doing, he always knows. This is a side of Jimin that he’s only ever teased about. Now? Now it’s here, threatening.

Then he’s being pulled out of the dance crowd, off the floor, and down one of the many branching hallways, where the people barely give them a glance. Where no one cares but them. He follows along blindly, because at this point, hasn’t the line been crossed? What’s holding him back?

It may be Jimin who pulls him over there, but Jungkook’s the one who slides him up against the wall with their mouths clashing. Jungkook nearly lets out a moan when Jimin threads his hands through his hair and winds their tongues together.

Jimin tastes like expensive wine and bad, bad ideas. He tastes like the kind of self-destruction and violence Jungkook used to lust after. Maybe he still does, because this will hurt just as bad the next morning.

Jimin’s hand sneaks under Jungkook’s shirt and up his chest and Jungkook’s nearly dizzy at this point. Almost suffocating. This can’t be real. This can’t be real.

So, well, Jungkook slides his hands up Jimin’s thighs, just far enough that Jimin’s breath catches in his throat, and he’s gasping through the kissing. And Jungkook enjoys the power of it, the feel, the burning, god, the burning in his stomach. He presses harder against Jimin, harder, until –

“Want you,” Jimin rasps. “I want you.”

Jungkook’s body responds intensely. He shudders, clutching hard at his waist. “Jimin.”

And it’s bliss. It’s bliss, and torture, and heated, and Jungkook’s mind is racing, his blood is scorching. And then. Then.

Then Jimin gasps and pushes him away, like he’d been burned by the strength of Jungkook’s emotions.

Or more likely, like some sense of clarity entered his mind.

Jungkook, out of breath, eyes wide, stares at Jimin, who stares back with something that looks like fear. Fear and confusion and guilt.

Guilt?

“Jimin-” Jungkook tries to start, but Jimin just shakes his head. Jungkook winces. He gets it, they just took it a step too far, a step they can’t back up from. That can never be undone. “Jimin.”

He moves backwards and steps out of the hallway and back into the crowded room, his hair mussed and his jacket hanging off his shoulder. Did Jungkook really do that? Oh my God. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Jungkook, I-”

Jimin bumps into someone before Jungkook can tell him to watch out and knocks the guy’s drink out of his hand. It spills on the floor. Jimin looks shocked, but the guy merely laughs at him as he reaches for the spilled cup. And then.

Oh fuck. And then.

The guy shrugs off his now damp jacket, seemingly unfazed and undisturbed, with a smirk on his face. “Damn, you pack a lot of power for someone so small.”

No .

Jungkook feels all the air leave his body, like those words punched it out of his lungs.

The guy stares at Jimin, his smile slipping ever so slowly as neither of them respond. He's attractive, with nicely styled brown hair and a decent fashion sense. “Are you alright? I promise it’s not a big deal, I ran into you, so I should apologize. It’s just a little bit of apple soju, it’s really okay.”

Jimin shakes his head, mouth hanging open. “I, I don’t know what to say, I’m sorry.”

And then. It just keeps going.

No , no no no.

The guy’s face pales. He blinks once, twice, maybe, Jungkook doesn’t know, time is moving so slowly. “Those are. Those are my words.”

No…

“Um, I. I really need some time to, to process this. Could we talk later?” And Jimin turns back, turns back to look for Jungkook, reaches back for Jungkook. Probably to apologize, or to justify what they did as a joke, careless. Just a dumb, drunk moment between friends, right? Harmless. Or even if it wasn’t, it doesn’t matter now. It can’t ever fucking matter now.

Jimin opens his mouth to speak, but Jungkook is gone. Long gone.

Chapter Text

Jungkook runs.

He runs in the direction of his apartment and he takes the longest route he knows of, because he doesn’t want to stop. He doesn’t want to go back and connect to a reality that lives to tear his heart apart again and again, day after fucking day. So, he keeps running, past his point of exertion, until he ends up inside, in his room, with the door locked, on the floor.

Jungkook sucks in gulps of air, to the point where his body trembles. To be completely honest, he isn’t sure if he wants to cry, or scream, or just go to sleep right here on the rug. He thinks – hopes – he’s past the point of feeling this disappointment, because really, none of it has come as a surprise.

He thinks this, and yet within minutes of him collapsing on his bedroom floor, he has to drag himself to the bathroom before he throws up everywhere.

It hurts. It hurts a lot. It would be dumb to pretend it didn’t, even though he’s trying way too hard to chase away the pain. Because why should it hurt? It’s not a new pain. It’s not a new truth.

He’s always known this, but.

Did he really fuck up that bad? Does the universe hate him that much? He almost wants to laugh, because this is just too much.

Soulmate misassignment…

Jungkook’s face burns in shame, but he’s sick again at the thought. His stomach heaves, almost as if it’s protesting the idea.

No. Because it can’t be true.

Can it?

What else could it be?

Jungkook’s done with this false hope. Soulmate misassignment. People whose soulmates get misplaced with other people. Maybe Jungkook just flat out missed his chance to recover. Missed his chance, and now someone else gets to be Jimin’s soulmate.

He wants to argue with his entire being. Everything wants to protest. He’s Jimin’s soulmate. It’s him, no one else, Jimin is his, despite how selfish and greedy that thought is.

But he can’t even bring himself to care about protesting anymore. He’s just so done dealing with this letdown that it’s making him angry. Whatever. What the literal fuck ever.

Fuck it. Fuck the universe, fuck soulmates, and fuck Park Jimin. Fuck these lies and promises and failures and mistakes and soulmarks and just fuck it.

Jungkook is so damn tired.

***

Yoongi sees.

He sees them kiss and figures, okay, that’s none of his damn business, at least not until Jungkook comes to him losing his mind later this evening, but then he sees them break apart, and Jimin runs into that guy and in the blink of an eye, Jungkook is gone, Jimin is gone, and Yoongi is left wondering what the unholy fuck just happened.

He tenses when someone grabs his shoulder, but when he turns around, it’s just Taehyung, wide-eyed and looking just about as confused as Yoongi feels. “Hyung? Did you see-”

“Yeah, yeah I did.” Yoongi abandons his drink and drags Taehyung outside, into the parking lot, where there’s no noise and no distraction. Taehyung is shaken up, Yoongi notices. His hands tremble. “Hey, what’s wrong?” Taehyung keeps glancing at the door, as if he’s expecting the worst, like he’s expecting a dead body to be bagged and carried out. Yoongi gently turns Taehyung’s gaze back to him. “Baby, look at me. What’s wrong?”

“It’s just,” Taehyung slurs, his voice still fighting the alcohol, “I think that guy said Jimin’s words and stuff. And right after they kissed. Hyung, what’s happening? Why does this keep happening to them?”

Oh God, Taehyung is crying. Yoongi is mad. “I-I don’t know, Taehyung-ah, I don’t know. Let’s go get the others, okay? We’ll discuss this. We’ll get to the bottom of it.”

Taehyung nods, but his lips are still quivering like he’s about to start sobbing any second. Yoongi places a quick kiss to his forehead and grabs his phone.

“Jungkook and Jimin Support Group”

minsuga [23:57] guys meet us in the parking lot

minsuga [23:57] we have a problem, a big one

It doesn’t take long for one of the three to leave the building. It’s Hoseok, with his brows drawn together in a tight frown. He looks between Yoongi and Taehyung and shakes his head. “So, I’m assuming we all saw that shit? The fuck was that?”

Yoongi simply nods as he gnaws on his bottom lip. He needs to know where Jungkook is, and most importantly, if he’s safe and not into some dumb shit. Jungkook is the definition of “into some dumb shit” and Yoongi is stressed.

Just as he’s sending a text, Namjoon comes out, followed by Jin close behind.

minsuga [00:02] jungkook-ah, where are you?

minsuga [00:02] pls tell me you’re home or something

“What’s up? What happened?” Namjoon asks as soon as he reaches the three of them. Based on their expressions, Namjoon and Jin hadn’t seen what the fuck went down, so Yoongi has to give them his best explanation, which isn’t great because he has no idea what happened, and when he’s done with that, they look even more confused. “Wait, but I thought-”

“We all thought,” Hoseok interjects. He’s drunk and alcohol makes him grumpy.

“Jimin and Jungkook are soulmates, okay,” Taehyung snaps out. Of the five of them, he seems the most distressed, and with good reason. This is going to cause major harm for his two friends in a way he worries they’ll never recover from. It’s the exact same annoyance and concern Yoongi feels at the moment. “I don’t give a damn what the universe says anymore.”

“So what do we do?” Namjoon asks, as if Yoongi had any fucking clue. Everyone looks at him expectantly after that, and he just wants to pull his hair out. He’s too tipsy for this. Why is he expected to have these answers? “Who was that guy?”

“I have no idea,” Yoongi admits, although the glimpse he got of that dude set him on edge, because he seemed familiar. Not that Yoongi could place it right now, but that face scratched at something in his brain, and it scratched at something unpleasant. “I think the best plan for now is Taehyung and I go find Jimin and Jungkook and see if they’re doing alright.” Which he’s desperate to do. He’s impatient waiting on Jungkook to respond, and doubts that he actually will. “That was, um. You know. Traumatizing in all kinds of ways, I’m sure.”

“See, this is why we have a support group,” Namjoon grumbles under his breath as Jin drags him away in the direction of his house. Hoseok gives Yoongi’s shoulder a squeeze and follows them, while Taehyung and Yoongi head to their apartments.

“Yoongi,” Jin calls out. Yoongi turns around. “Get me a name as soon as you can. I’ll figure out who this guy is.”

Yoongi gives his hyung a thumbs up. Words are beyond him right now.

Taehyung links his fingers through Yoongi’s, and he can still feel the slight tremble. The lines of Tae’s face are contoured into concern and deep thought, but when he catches Yoongi staring, he erases it like nothing and smiles lopsidedly.

It’s a talent Yoongi wishes he had.

They reach Taehyung’s apartment first and Yoongi presses a firm kiss to his temple. “Get inside okay and let me know if you need anything. I’ll keep you updated on Jungkook.”

“I’ll keep you updated on Jimin.”

One more kiss later, and Taehyung goes inside. Yoongi starts in the direction of his place. He checks his phone yet again and sees no new notification from Jungkook. Not even a Read receipt.

The entire walk home, Yoongi can’t help but wrack his brain, trying to figure out how the fuck he knows that guy’s face and why it unsettles him so much.

***

It’s only when Jimin is standing in the safety of his room does he allow himself to breathe, to let the hand clenched around his heart release its hold, to let his brain stop replaying over and over again the feeling of having his entire world thrown off axis. The feeling of having the rug yanked out from under his fucking feet like that.

He’s afraid to think about one thing over another, of all the things that happened during this shitshow of an evening, because if he focuses on any of them, he’s going to lose it. There’s a fragility in the calm he has right now, one that’s just trying to get its bearings before he breaks.

But once the silence of the apartment becomes too loud and once it’s clear his shaking hands and shuddering breaths aren’t going to go away, it’s like he dissociates. It’s like he watches his violence unfold on himself from a distance, in a way he can’t, or won’t, reach.

He’ll regret it in the morning, throwing his desk chair at his closet mirror. He’ll regret cleaning up the glass when he’s drunk enough to forget that glass hurts. He’ll regret sobbing so hard that his throat becomes raw and his words crack when he tries to speak.

But right now, it doesn’t matter, because he’s so, so angry.

He found his soulmate tonight, didn’t he? He should be happy. There’s a new contact in his phone, under a new name, a new problem to deal with. He should be fucking happy, but he’s not. Jimin is furious. He doesn’t want this person, he doesn’t. He wants…he wants-

What the fuck is he going to do?

I can’t love anyone else. I don’t know how to love you from afar.

But does Jimin really know how to love him at all? Apparently not. It’s not good enough.

If it’s not good enough, though, then why does it hurt this bad?

“Make up your fucking mind!” Jimin shouts. At what, he doesn’t know. The universe, in theory, but he just screams at his ceiling like the universe and whatever else controls his fate actually gives two flying fucks about what he wants. Maybe he’s yelling at himself, and if he yells loud enough, he’ll hear it this time.

It takes a few moments before Jimin realizes his lashing out isn’t changing anything. It isn’t undoing time, it isn’t undoing destiny, or whatever. It’s not undoing his goddamn words.

Jimin runs both hands through his hair. How is he supposed to give this up? How is he supposed to walk away from Jungkook?

Pulling out his phone, he dares look at the messages, the ones from his friends that he doesn’t want to see.

The one at the top that seems like an illusion.

Ahn Chanyeol [00:16] hey! I’m sorry if I startled you tonight :)

Ahn Chanyeol [00:16] I was wondering if you wanted to get dinner this upcoming Monday and talk?

It’s not right. And it hurts so fucking bad.

How can I do this? There’s nothing like us. There’s no one like him.

Park Jimin [00:18] sure

The tears stop falling at some point. His body feels heavy, but not tired. Or, not in a way that could possibly get any sleep. He chucks his phone across the bed, not even caring when it slides too far and hits the ground. His hands sting, but it barely registers.

Jimin has to do it, doesn’t he? He has to let Jungkook go. He has to move on.

Was he ever mine? Stop being selfish. It’s your own fault.

Jungkook was never his. It shouldn’t be this hard.

What’s that stupid saying, sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me. What bullshit.

Because words hurt, and Jimin won’t stop bleeding.

***

Jimin is sitting in his windowsill in his bedroom when Taehyung makes it inside, thank God. Taehyung isn’t sure where else he would’ve gone, but the relief that crashes over him is strong. “Jimin-ah?”

Jimin doesn’t look at him. His head rests against the glass, one arm dangling by his side. He looks stunned. In a complete daze. Taehyung feels an actual pang in his chest, because he knows. He knows the truth and he knows this is so wrong. This is cruel.

It’s fucking terrifying. There’s no one better for Jimin than Jungkook, and vice versa. How has this happened?

As carefully as his stupid drunk limbs allow him, Taehyung sits on the other side of the windowsill beside Jimin and just tries to get him to acknowledge his presence. “Hey, Chim.”

Jimin lets out a sigh. “Hey, Tae.”

“What-” Taehyung has to clear his throat. “What happened back there?”

Jimin winces, as if the reminder physically hurt, and it probably did, if he knows his best friend. And he fucking does. “I-I don’t know.”

Taehyung figured that would be his response. It’s probably just as confusing to Jimin as it is to the rest of them. “You kissed Jungkook.”

Jimin squeezes his eyes shut, and now it really looks like he’s in pain. “Stop.” It comes out as a whisper.

Maybe Taehyung shouldn’t touch on that live nerve right now, but the words tear out of his mouth before he thinks better of them, because this really matters. “Do you like Jungkookie?”

“Stop,” Jimin says again, his voice cracking. It’s pleading. Taehyung’s mouth closes.

He tries to choose his words carefully, but how does one tread carefully over this topic? Especially when it’s as sensitive as a land mine for Jimin? “That guy, did he say your words?”

Jimin gives him a nod.

“Did you say his?”

Another nod.

“What’s going on in that head of yours, Chim?” The lack of responses is making him nervous. “What can I do to help you?”

“I just want to be alone, Tae.” And that’s the last response Taehyung is able to get out of him. The silent get out of my room is implied, so Taehyung leaves, as hard as it is to just leave Jimin there alone with his thoughts. Taehyung can only imagine what he’s feeling, or what Jungkook’s feeling. Hell, all of them are so lost right now.

Does Jungkook not know how easy it would’ve been to just tell Jimin? Is the kid really that fucking stupid? Taehyung bites the inside of his cheek as he paces his room.

Just as he’s thinking about calling Yoongi, Taehyung’s phone rings. He fumbles it once before answering. “Hello?”

“Taehyung,” Yoong’s voice responds. “We need to get Jungkook to tell Jimin.”

“This has been on the agenda for months.”

“I don’t think we can tell him right now, because he’s probably confused and upset, but this is bad news. That guy is bad news, my radar is going off like crazy.”

Taehyung rubs at his eyes with his free hand. “How’s Jungkook?”

The pause before Yoongi speaks makes his heart drop. Not that he was expecting anything good, but still. “Well. It was really bad. He said a lot of stuff I’m not sure he means. And then he was fine. And he’s currently still acting like he’s fine. God, Tae, he’s not fucking fine. It’s like he’s shattering into a million pieces but he’s doing it so nonchalantly. It’s not normal.”

“I know, hyung.”

“He thinks-” Yoongi’s voice drops, like he’s afraid someone will hear. Like he’s afraid voicing it louder will give what he says next more power than it has. “He thinks he’s been misassigned. He’s back to thinking he’s unlovable, but I don’t think he gives a fuck anymore.”

“We’ll figure it out.” Taehyung feels like it’s a lie, because it is, isn’t it? Words can’t fix this anymore. There’s nothing left to say.

***

Jungkook isn’t sure if it’s genuine concern that makes him reach out to Jimin and see what he’s thinking about all of this, or if it’s straight up masochism. He’s thinking it’s more the latter.

KookieMonster [02:14] how are you feeling? Is everything alright

Time passes by, minute after minute, and Jungkook doesn’t think he’s going to get a response tonight, if he ever gets one at all.

But then he does.

Jiminie Cricket [02:31] im fine

KookieMonster [02:32] do u want to talk or anything…?

Jiminie Cricket [02:32] no

Jiminie Cricket [02:33] I need space

KookieMonster [02:34] alright hyung

KookieMonster [02:35] im here if you need me

Read [02:37]

Jungkook doesn’t sleep at all.

But what’s new?

Chapter Text

Jimin is unresponsive the entire weekend. No matter how many times any of them attempt to talk to him, he brushes them off. Texts ignored. Phone calls denied. Too busy with work, too busy with finals, too busy in the studio. The excuses seem to be endless, in Taehyung’s opinion.

In Yoongi’s too. But while Jimin has gone quiet and dismissive, Jungkook is just normal. He’s bustling around the apartment, cleaning shit up, doing the fucking laundry, and Jungkook hates doing the laundry – he always breaks the washer. He’s doing his homework steadily in the living room, he goes to work and comes back happy.

Yeah, it’s only been two days, but Yoongi can’t stand this. Does he really think pretending that he’s fine isn’t a sign that he’s not?

Although he blows off Yoongi’s questions and his concerns. It’s pissing him off.

Monday rolls around, and Taehyung starts growing impatient too. Yoongi’s getting ready to head to his only class of the day when an aggressive knock sounds at the front door. Jungkook yells, “I got it!” from the living room.

Yoongi knows it’s Taehyung when the door opens and a loud “What the fuck is your problem?” booms out. Yoongi stumbles out of his room. He’s not gonna miss this drama.

Jungkook at least has the decency to look startled at the outburst, but he quickly recovers. “There is no problem.”

Taehyung looks between Yoongi and Jungkook, mouth hanging open like he can’t believe how ridiculous the kid is being. Yoongi shrugs. He’s beyond frustrated at him, there’s not much he can reassure Taehyung with here. “Jungkook, you fucking realize Jimin is meeting up with this guy tonight?”

Jungkook raises a brow. “So?”

“Oh my-” Taehyung throws his hands up. “Are you doing this to piss us off? What are you getting out of being bullheaded?”

“Some sanity, maybe?” Jungkook bites back. Yoongi perks up; this is the first sign of emotion he’s shown all motherfucking weekend, he’ll be damned. “The fuck is it to you?”

“Jungkook-ah,” Yoongi scolds almost on instinct at this point, but the angry look Jungkook gives him catches him off guard.

“You are Jimin’s soulmate,” Taehyung says, his voice not as attacking. It’s more pleading than anything. “You. Not this random guy. Don’t you want to fix this?”

Jungkook shakes his head. He swings his backpack over his shoulder and grabs his keys off the hook. Of course. He’s going to walk away from this conversation like he and Jimin both have been doing since Friday night. They really were made for each other. “I’ve been dealt the worst hand in this game I can’t win, and maybe I’m just tired of playing.”

“No, this is wrong, how can you not see that?” When he tries to brush by Taehyung and reaches for the door handle, Taehyung grabs his arm. “Jungkook!”

“What do you want from me?” Jungkook shouts, jerking his arm away with enough force that Taehyung steps back.

“For you to not act so fucking stupid!”

“It’s none of your business, Tae!”

“It’s my business when you’re being a selfish brat!”

Jungkook shoves him. “Go fuck yourself.”

Taehyung shoves him back. “Make me!”

Yoongi pushes himself away from the wall and slides in between them, shocked that it suddenly went this far. Jungkook’s wrathful eyes land on him, but he returns it just as harshly. “You will watch your place, he’s your hyung.” He turns to his soulmate. “And you, be fucking nice and set a better example.”

He’s surrounded by children. Just this conversation alone has aged him by seven years.

Jungkook holds his tongue after that, despite the heat radiating from his gaze. “I’m sorry, hyung. But there’s not really anything I can do.”

“This is a mistake.” Taehyung’s voice is a whisper. He clutches at Yoongi’s arm.

Jungkook shrugs again. “The only mistake was me.” And before either of them can yell at him, he’s out the door.

Yoongi sighs. Goddamn it.

Taehyung looks absolutely dumbfounded. And Yoongi gets it; Jungkook is confusing when you haven’t known him as long as Yoongi has. But even this is a bit much for him, this blatant denial. “He’s just giving everything up? He’s giving Jimin up?”

He rubs at his face. “Jungkook takes everything as a failure on his part, and he’s still stuck in that mindset that he isn’t able to be loved. He’s so consumed by it.”

“I just don’t understand.”

“Yeah,” Yoongi says, “neither do I.”

***

“Jungkook and Jimin Support Group”

Jin [16:55] yoongs, do you have a name

minsuga [16:56] no im not an fbi agent sir

TaeTae<3 [16:57] neither of them will speak, to each other or to us

joonie [17:01] what do we do then

joonie [17:01] isnt jimin meeting this dude tonight

Jin [17:02] we should follow him

TaeTae<3 [17:02] ok no, first of all

joonie [17:03] are we even 100% jungkook is jimin’s soulmate?

TaeTae<3 [17:04] yes

minsuga [17:04] yeah

Jin [17:04] YES DUH

joonie [17:05] ok then speaking hypothetically, what about soulmate misassignment?

minsuga [17:05] don’t even go there

joonie [17:06] not for jungkook. for this other dude, he could be misassigned

Jin [17:07] I mean. Well.

TaeTae<3 [17:08] you could be right

TaeTae<3 [17:08] but even then that’s going to open a world of problems

minsuga [17:09] it doesn’t feel like misassignment to me

minsuga [17:09] my gut instinct says otherwise

joonie [17:10] and ur gut instinct is 100% huh

minsuga [17:10] when am I wrong

TaeTae<3 [17:11] wow babe ur ego is showing

minsuga [17:12] shush

minsuga [17:12] all of you shush actually im at work

UrHope [17:46] hey guys

TaeTae<3 [17:47] oh hey nice of you to join us

UrHope [17:47] I was busy, be grateful

Jin [17:48] ?

UrHope [17:48] his name is ahn chanyeol

TaeTae<3 [17:49] how the fuck

UrHope [17:50] I ran into jimin (totally a coincidence) and took his phone

UrHope [17:51] guys let me tell you, jimin can throw hands

UrHope [17:51] but yeah the name is chanyeol

Jin [17:52] so u got to follow him but everyone said it was a bad idea when I suggested it

minsuga [17:52] jesus fuck seok

Jin [17:53] which one

minsuga [17:54] there’s a special place in hell for both of you, so pick one

***

It’s late in the evening and Yoongi is finishing a quick shift at the radio station. He’s mostly here just for loyalty at this point, because he’s been with his coworkers since his freshman year and his boss loves him and his music mixes.

Okay, maybe he’s here for the killer recommendation letter, but whatever. It’s a fighting world out there.

Yoongi is flicking through some records to be sorted and catalogued when his phone starts vibrating in his pocket, repeatedly. He ignores it, because it’s likely the group chat exploding with plans on stalking Jimin or some shit, but he recognizes it as the pattern of a phone call after way too long. He fumbles to get it out of his pocket.

It’s just Jin. Yoongi sighs. “Hyung, I’m at work.”

“It can wait, this is a problem.”

Of course it is, because the universe doesn’t let Yoongi breathe either. Regardless, his heart leaps into his throat. “What kind of problem?”

“Ahn Chanyeol. Do you recognize the name?” Jin’s voice is hurried. Too hurried. Yoongi’s blood turns cold.

“No? Am I supposed to?”

“Shit,” Jin hisses. Then he sighs. Great. All unpleasant sounds. “Alright, he’s in my major, one year below me. I thought I recognized that name because he’s just a giant pain in my ass. He thinks he’s all the shit, and really, his acting sucks. I don’t know how he got into this school. But my point is, he’s fucking rude. And I’m sorry, the universe would not pair him with someone as sweet as Jiminie.”

Yoongi locks eyes with his boss and gestures that he needs to take this call outside. His boss waves it off, and so he heads outside where he can address this in full. “Do you have a picture of him? I’ve been saying that he looks familiar this whole time. And now that you’ve said it enough, maybe the name does ring a bell.”

He waits as Jin sends him a photo and he checks it. Yeah, Yoongi can definitely tell how this guy thinks he’s all that. It’s something about that face.

That fucking face that he knows from somewhere, goddamn it. Where?

“And another thing, you, Tae, Jungkook, Jimin. All of you are from Busan, right? You went to the same school?”

“Uh, yeah? I’m from further away, went to a different high school, but yeah.”

“He’s from Busan too.”

Oh.

Oh.

“Oh shit. Shit. Hyung, where did he go to school?”

Jin pauses for a moment, just to fact check, but Yoongi’s nerves are buzzing like live wires. “Um, doesn’t look like it’s the same one as Jungkook’s-”

“Yeah, didn’t figure, because he moved before high school started. Fuck.” Yoongi frantically opens up Facebook, where his social presence is next to nonexistent. And he grimaces as he unblocks a certain someone just to search through his pictures. He scrolls, scrolls as fast as he can, looking, but most of Seonjae’s stupid fucking pictures have restricted access to people who aren’t his friends.

Which Yoongi is very much not. The only good thing about being Seonjae’s friend when they were kids was when Seonjae introduced him to the scrawny, shy cousin of his. Sure, ever since that day, Yoongi’s been a father to that devil child, but whatever.

“Yoongi?” Jin says after he’s silent for too long.

“Hang on.” Yoongi can’t fucking find it, son of a bitch. He grunts in frustration as he searches for a different name instead, but not before reblocking Seonjae because fuck that.

Park Minho. He scrolls through this loser’s pictures too, unrestricted.

Please tell me I’m wrong. Jesus fuck, please be wrong.

“Yoongi, your silence is kind of making me nervous,” Jin says through the speaker.

“One second, hyung.” Come on, one breakthrough.

Yoongi sucks in a breath. Because right there, clear back from when he was maybe eleven or so, standing beside Seonjae, Minho, and-

“Yoongs?”

“I fucking knew it,” Yoongi snaps. “It’s Chany.”

“It’s who?”

“Chany. It’s Chanyeol. I used to be friends with Seonjae-”

“Ew, what the fuck?”

“Yeah, we don’t talk about it. But he and I and this asshole named Minho, we were all friends with Chany. Kind of. I hated them all. But I knew I recognized that face. Fuck.”

Yoongi runs a hand through his hair. What are the odds, huh?

“You know what I’m thinking right?” Jin says.

“Yeah, yeah I do.”

“If he knows you and Seonjae-”

“Then he might know enough to cause a lot of fucking trouble.” Real quick, he searches for Chany’s name, and finds him. Sure enough, he’s still friends with Seonjae and Minho. Yoongi feels hysteria rising in his chest. This actually can’t be happening. What all-knowing power would dare fuck them over like this? What have Jimin and Jungkook done to deserve this? “Hyung, I need to get ahold of Jungkook.”

“You need to get ahold of Jimin.”

“Fuck. Fuck. Okay, I’m calling off work, I need to go.”

“Keep me updated.” And then he hangs up.

After a very speedy conversation with his boss, Yoongi clocks out early and takes off in the direction of the flower shop. Wait. Yoongi checks the time. No, Jungkook will be heading home now. Shitshitshit.

He dials Taehyung’s number first, since it’s likely Tae will actually fucking answer. God, he’s already out of breath. “Taehyung.”

“Hey, is everything alright?”

“No,” he huffs. Okay, he has to pause. Good God. “No, you need to get Jimin away from that date or whatever.”

There’s a pause. “What’s happening?”

“Chanyeol is trouble. He used to be Seonjae’s friend before he moved away.”

“Oh God.” Yoongi hears frantic shuffling on the other end. “I’m on my way.”

“Do you know where he’s meeting Jimin?”

“No, but Jimin’s location is on. I know where he’s at.”

“Okay,” Yoongi inhales sharply. “I need to find Jungkook.”

Yoongi tries twice to call him, with no answer, and barely makes it home before it starts pouring the rain down. Much to his terror, Jungkook isn’t there yet. Not in his room, not in the bathroom. Not fucking there.

He slumps against the door as he tries to catch his breath. There’s a godawful feeling in his stomach that something bad is about to happen.

And ego aside, Yoongi’s rarely wrong about these things.

***

The rain doesn’t really speed up Jungkook’s walk home. It’s kind of both the place he wants to be the most and also the last place he wants to be. Mostly, he wants to lay down and pass out. But on the other hand, the confrontation before work with his hyungs has him unsettled. Unsettled and guilty and overall really fucking upset.

But he’s chosen to be done with emotions, hasn’t he? It’s weird, how easy that off switch is to access now.

And yet that doesn’t stop him from thinking about Jimin, because when does it? That’s not a luxury he can ever have.

He’s been thinking about Jimin all day. Jimin and his soulmate. Jimin and a stranger. On a date right now, as a matter of fact.

The ugly pain that twists in his chest when he thinks about Jimin on a date is something he really tries not to dwell on. Instead he focuses on the cold chill of the rain that drenches his clothes.

Pretend it doesn’t matter. Pretend he doesn’t matter.

As soon as Jungkook makes it back to his apartment, he’s attacked. Doesn’t even get time to shrug off his jacket.

“Jungkook, Jesus fucking Christ, why haven’t you answered your phone?” Yoongi sounds mad. No, Yoongi doesn’t get mad. Yoongi is either completely calm or blinded by fury.

Yoongi is not calm right now.

“I-I was at work, I had it muted. What’s wrong?”

Yoongi sighs in frustration. The frustration where you have something to say but there’s too many words needed to explain it. “Chanyeol.”

Okay, not what he expected. “Who?”

“The guy currently having dinner with Jimin,” Yoongi snaps at him. “Ahn Chanyeol. Or maybe you remember him as Chany. Or maybe you were too young to remember him, either fucking way, he’s Seonjae’s friend, Jungkook. No friend of Seonjae’s is good news.”

“You were Seonjae’s friend.” It slips out. He doesn’t know why. It just does.

Jungkook has never seen Yoongi look so offended. He shakes his head, sputtering out a growl of, “So were you! And now fucking look at us! Jungkook, stop being an actual moron right now. Just stop it. You’re not making anything better, and in fact, you’re just pissing us all off. You need to tell Jimin the fucking truth. I’m not giving you a choice. You’re going to do it now, or I’m doing it. It’s up to you how he hears it, but he’s hearing it tonight, do you fucking understand me?”

Jungkook doesn’t know what to say. Yoongi’s trying his hardest to flip that switch of his, the one thing that’s been keeping him afloat since Friday night. “I-I, hyung. I don’t know if I-”

“I know it’s scary, kid. I know how terrifying being in love is, and I know how little you trust it after what’s happened.” Yoongi grabs Jungkook’s shoulders, not even caring in the slightest that he’s sopping wet. “But is this it? Are you giving up on Jimin? You love him, Jungkook, you would tear the universe apart for him, and he loves you. And I don’t think you’re blind to it, either, I think you know he does, you’re just scared of being abandoned again.”

Jungkook is just a walking wound, and Yoongi can either stitch him up perfectly or cover it in salt. He’s doing the latter now.

But his heart is already beating out of his chest at the idea of Jimin sitting down with someone who could even possibly know his words in advance. Someone with the slightest ability to hurt him just as badly as Seonjae and everyone else did.

Goddamn it. What is he doing?

No. What the fuck is he waiting for?

Without even another word, Jungkook spins around and throws open the door he just shut behind him moments before, disregarding Yoongi’s shocked yelp of, “Wait, Jungkook!”

“I’ll tell him,” Jungkook calls out behind him, just as he’s reaching the end of the hall. “Fuck this. Fuck it all, I’m telling him now.”

“Let me drive you, it’s pouring out!”

“No, I’ll be fine,” Jungkook says, and then he’s in the stairwell, racing down, until he’s outside in the rain again. The rain that has no mercy, but neither does Jungkook’s fear right now.

He can’t let Jimin get hurt again. Not like this.

His phone starts ringing as he’s running down the sidewalk and he awkwardly scoops it out of his pocket. It’s Yoongi, of course. Jungkook holds the phone under his hood as Yoongi lists off the name of some restaurant that Jungkook’s never been to. He thinks he knows where it’s at.

“Jungkook, please, come back and let me drive you,” Yoongi pleads.

“Too much time.” He blinks water out of his eyes as he crosses the road, the empty road, at the crosswalk.

The empty road?

“Hyung-”

It’s cut off as Jungkook sucks in a breath and tries to move. He tries, he really does, but-

The shriek of the tires against the pavement barely registers, and the incoming headlights, but then he feels-

Pain.

Jimin-

And then in one breath...

.

.

.

.

Nothing.

Chapter Text

“Jungkook?” Yoongi’s voice sounds far away in his own ears. He heard the tires, he heard the screeching, the Hyung?, he heard the contact, oh, oh God- “Jungkook!”

There’s no response. There are voices and there’s rain, and then there’s nothing.

Yoongi blindly grabs his keys and races outside, but it's like he's moving in slow motion. Like he can't get there fast enough.

He could be convinced the blurriness in his eyes is from the rain, if not for the terror consuming his entire being.

***

Just barely, the noise reaches Jungkook.

Just barely do the blue and red lights flash behind his eyelids.

He tries to touch that consciousness, tries to reach out and grasp–

.

.

.

The slightest contact hurts.

.

.

.

Fuck–

There’s a burning in his chest. It radiates. Through his back. His head. There’s an uncomfortable pressure in his leg.

.

.

.

He can’t breathe.

It hurts so bad.

.

.

.

Jungkook flickers. Like a light that’s on the verge of blowing out. Like the edges of a fire as it burns. It’s almost like his body wants him to wake up, to assess the damage.

To go find Jimin.

But when he reaches out, that horrible pain starts to wrap around him. It snaps him back like a rubber band.

He thinks he hears Yoongi’s voice. It doesn’t sound right, though. It could be Taehyung.

Maybe it’s God. Or his dad, his mom. Seonjae. Jimin. Who knows. Who cares.

Jungkook lets go for now. It’s too painful to be alive.

.

.

.

It goes dark again.

***

Jimin is fifteen fucking minutes late.

And it’s about to rain. This is a goddamn mess already. But he supposes he knew that, considering for a solid hour before heading in this direction, he sobbed in the shower. Whatever. He’s doing great.

He would’ve been on time, if he hadn’t run into Hoseok. Hoseok, who stole his fucking phone right out of his hand and looked at his last received messages like a goddamn weirdo. When Jimin tried to wrestle it out of his grasp, he just took off.

Whatever. Jimin doesn’t have it in him to care. He just wants to get this over with.

The restaurant is small, not one of the bigger, fancier ones. More of an easy location to get a quick meal. He’s only ever been here once, and while he enjoyed it enough, there were other places the seven of them typically gathered.

Jimin walks to the back where the text said to be, and he catches Chanyeol waving him over. Jimin’s stomach does an ugly flip when he spots him. It takes a lot of effort to sit down in front of him and not run away screaming.

It’s not that Chanyeol has said anything that sticks out to him – not yet, anyway – but there’s something about this that to Jimin screams danger. Chanyeol is threatening, but not in a way that Jimin knows how to verbalize.

“Good to see you again.” A smile crosses Chanyeol’s face, and the only way he can think to describe it is sly. He’s too suave, sure of himself. There’s too much grace. It doesn’t sit well with Jimin at all. Where’s the bashfulness? Playfulness? Where’s all that quirky imperfection?

Just say it. He’s not Jungkook. Jimin clenches his jaw. “Sorry I’m late, had an issue with a friend,” he says awkwardly. He’s not good at talking to new people. Too shy for that shit.

“Not a problem.” There’s that smile again.

But eventually, it starts to smooth out. The rougher edges of holding a conversation with him buffer out. It’s all casual. Just small talk. Basic hobbies, classes, stuff like that that Jimin doesn’t care about and will not remember.

Okay. Going well so far. Is Jimin still sick to his stomach? Yes. Does he push his food around his plate? Yes. Does he want to leave? Yes.

And good lord does this guy flirt. Not that Jimin’s particularly prude about flirting, because he’s really not, but this? This is blatant. And all the comments on how attractive Jimin is?

The intent is clear. Very clear. That predatory look has been in Chanyeol’s eyes since he sat down; he’s not stupid.

The charm is too much.

Chanyeol is too much.

After less than an hour, Jimin’s heart has sunk to his stomach, and he feels nauseous. Everything is wrong. Everything about this is wrong, and his instincts are screaming at him to get away.

And regardless of what he does or how he thinks or anything, he can’t stop wishing Jungkook was here. He even considers texting him. Save me.

Jimin’s mad. Fucking furious. It switched in him like a simple trigger pull, all these bad emotions flooding in. The unfairness of this, of the universe trying to damn him this way and yet leaving the thought of Jeon Jungkook to conquer his thoughts every single minute of every fucking day.

He’s done.

This needs to end.

“I’m sorry,” Jimin says, shaking his head. Chanyeol cocks his head to the side and raises a brow, and holy fuck does it piss him off. “This isn’t it. This, you, me. It’s just not it.”

“But we’re-”

“No, we’re not.” He doesn’t mean to snap, he really doesn’t. This defensiveness has sprung out of nowhere, and there’s not much he can do about it.

Jimin’s not surprised when Chanyeol still quirks a grin, like he’s amused by how Jimin is handling this. Like he can see the turmoil going on inside his mind and is entertained. “Excuse me?”

“Do I need to repeat myself? You’re not my soulmate.”

Chanyeol stares at him for a minute, studying him. It makes Jimin want to squirm and shove his entire salad at that stupid face of his. But then his façade breaks and he simply scoffs. “Wow. You know, I was told you were pretty easy, Park Jimin. Desperate.”

Across Chanyeol’s shoulder, Jimin sees the waitress head in their direction, and he offers his first genuine smile of the night. “Sorry, I’m just good at noticing when people fake my words. And besides,” he stands from the booth, pocketing his phone and wallet, “you have to be a lot better looking for me to let you fake it enough to fuck me.”

Jimin feels nothing but satisfaction when Chanyeol’s charisma stutters as his eyes darken in anger. If Jimin would dare guess, it looks like his cheeks redden too.

Jimin gives a polite nod to the waitress, and throws a hateful smirk back at Chanyeol. “It’s on him.”

And then he’s walking out the door, as quick as he possibly can without making a scene.

Jesus fucking Christ.

Jimin feels breathless. That was both horrifying and amazing, and he’s so full of adrenaline, it takes a minute to process the feeling of rain on his skin. Wonderful. The walk to his apartment will take a bit longer than normal, maybe an extra five minutes, but it’s nothing he hasn’t dealt with before. The weather can’t possibly piss him off more than that scene back there.

Although he’s starting to tremble now, as everything settles down, and the walk is no longer calming enough nor distracting enough. He trembles, and his mind races like it always does when he doesn’t know where it needs to focus.

Or rather, when he’s trying to escape one particular thought.

The nausea hasn’t gone away, either. It’s worsening, it seems. Maybe Jimin’s going to be sick. It wouldn’t shock him. He tries to hold it together long enough to make it through the door of his apartment, out of the rain and in the safety of his own room.

He barely gets his door shut before everything starts spinning, the sudden vertigo nearly making him fall over. Startled, he lowers himself to his knees, just so he’s closer to the floor in case he does fall.

What the fuck was that about? Jimin’s heart races in his chest. Despite being away from Chanyeol, away from the lies, out of the rain, out of danger-

He rushes to the bathroom and drops in front of the toilet. It feels like he’s having an anxiety attack, but even that is just wrong. It’s not right, he feels like–

He feels–

Jimin feels like someone hauled off and punched him square in the gut, strong enough that he lurches forward, gasping. God, everything, everything is in pain. His head, his muscles, his stomach, heart, everything, all at once.

He clutches at the toilet as he empties the contents of his stomach, the measly dinner he had, over and over until there’s nothing left, and then still. To the point where he aches from the effort and tears are streaming down his face.

What’s happening to me, oh my God.

It’s too much.

It’s too much.

Jimin collapses on the ground–

The pain just keeps building…it’s agony.

He screams, and screams until he’s sure his throat is bleeding, until there’s no more noise, biting into his jacket sleeve, clenching the bathroom rug between his fingers until his nailbeds hurt, until his body goes numb, until he blacks out…

.

.

.

If anyone had been around to tell him, maybe Jimin would know the name he’d been screaming was Jungkook’s.

.

.

.

It doesn’t seem like any time passes.

Jimin’s eyes flutter open after mere seconds, minutes, days, who knows, but eventually, he’s able to pull himself up. Weak limbed and shaking, he’s able to see himself in the mirror.

There’s no ray of sunshine looking back at him, that’s for sure. Blood is dried dripping down the corner of his mouth and his lip is tender, probably from biting into it at first.

A sharp stab tears through his side not even a second later, startling him and making him think there’s more to come. “Fuck,” he groans as he pulls off his jacket, still sopping wet. Everything is so sore. “Fuck.”

It hurts, but not nearly as much. Needless to say the burning makes him grit his teeth, and he’s pulling off his shirt, trying to see what could possibly be doing this, see what the fuck is happening to him.

And then.

No.

His soulmark.

His words.

“No.” It comes out as a whisper, a broken voice that grates against his throat.

The words, the words he despises with a passion and has for years. The words that have caused him so much trouble and pain and disappointment and hatred. His words of love, corrupted.

Gone.

A sob escapes his lips. “Oh my God, no. No, no, no, no.” He clutches at the bathroom sinking, trying to make his eyes focus.

It’s gone. His soulmark is gone.

His soulmate is fucking gone. Dead.

They died. That was the death of his soulmark, his soulmate, they are dead. He repeats this over and over and over, hoping the terror of its meaning will fade.

It doesn’t.

Jimin tries to get his bearings, tries to get the shaking to stop, the tears, the small sobs that keep forcing their way out against his will, at least long enough to grab his phone.

Jungkookie.

He fumbles as he tries to bring up the contact to call, just to push the number, to know if he’s alright, to know the truth–

And it starts ringing on its own.

Jimin answers immediately. “Taehyung,” he gasps, trying to breathe, trying to speak. His vision swims again, but this time, with panic.

“Jimin-ah.” Taehyung has been crying, Jimin can hear it in the thickness of his words.

Jimin is paralyzed.

No…

“Jungkook’s been in an accident.”

Chapter Text

Taehyung makes it to the hospital in a sort of shellshocked daze. He isn’t sure what’s happening, or what went down, or anything. He just knows Yoongi called him screaming at him to come to the hospital and to get Jimin because Jungkook was hit by a car.

Jungkook was hit by a fucking car.

Taehyung finds the front entrance where Yoongi tells him to meet him at, and he’s standing there, small and holding his arms against his chest like he’s cold. Taehyung’s stomach lurches. “Baby?”

Yoongi looks up and his entire face crumples when he sees Taehyung, like everything he’d been trying to hold together has come undone. It tears Taehyung apart, seeing this pain on his soulmate's face, like a blade digging into his heart over and over. Yoongi's covered in blood, enough that Taehyung starts to go numb, and the fear that constricts his chest makes him a bit dizzy. Yoongi’s face is dirty with smudges of black. Tear streaks run down his cheeks and his clothes are waterlogged from the rain, weighing down his already slumped figure. “Oh God, Yoongi.”

Taehyung catches him in his arms and holds him tight. Yoongi's entire body is trembling like a leaf, from the cold, from the stress, he doesn't know. Taehyung’s eyes blur, then. He’s just never seen Yoongi this weak, this broken down.

It’s fucking killing him.

He hears someone's footsteps behind him before he sees them approach. Taehyung catches Hoseok's gaze; hyung looks horrified. His red hair is matted to his forehead and it looks like he's jogged a whole marathon. “Fucking hell Yoongi, what happened?”

Yoongi steps away from Taehyung’s arms, as much as Taehyung wanted to protest, and wipes aggressively at his face before answering, “Collision. It’s raining, the driver didn’t see him, didn’t slow down quick enough.” His words pour out quickly, like he’s trying his best to explain without focusing on it, without giving it meaning, or proof. But then they catch up to him and he starts struggling like the words choke him. “They-they rushed him into surgery, it’s critical con-condition, said they b-barely…said they could barely bring him back to-” Yoongi’s face pales alarmingly sudden.

“Hyung, stop,” Taehyung whispers, jolted by how violently ill Yoongi looks. “Stop, you don’t need to say it.”

“I think I’m gonna-”

Hoseok lock eyes with him knowingly before he grabs Yoongi's shoulders and starts to escort him inside.

“I’ll wait for Jimin,” Taehyung says. “I’ll be right outside, Yoongi, right here!”

And then they disappear through the front doors, where Hoseok presumably, hopefully, leads Yoongi to a bathroom and can help calm him down, at least a little. If anyone can lighten a dark mood, it's Hoseok.

Taehyung just can’t believe this is happening. It’s like his brain hasn’t quite stopped and absorbed the reality of the situation yet. It’s numbed itself.

He's a little grateful, because he knows when it hits, it’s going to knock him on his ass. He just keeps repeating the words Jungkook got hit, Jungkook got hit, he’s in critical condition, like he’s torturing himself into actually understanding, feeling the seriousness. But that’s all they are right now. They’re just words. They haven’t hit him like they’ve hit Yoongi.

Jungkook is immortal. It’s okay. He's okay.

Taehyung bites at his nails as he stands outside, shivering in his damn clothes. The rain lightened up a bit, but the walk here was still enough to flatten his hair and drench his shirt. And apparently all of them have decided to walk here, to brave the rain instead of calling a fucking taxi. Taehyung didn't even think, he just started running in this direction, pressed forward by terror and adrenaline.

Jimin shows up within a few minutes, looking…well, like he also got hit by a moving vehicle, if Taehyung is being completely honest. He holds onto his side like he’s injured, and his face is pale. Dark circles under his eyes make it look like the news has aged him several years. He's just as drenched as Taehyung and the rest of them. Jimin meets his eyes, and - oh, fuck.

“Jimin, no.” Taehyung blocks Jimin as he tries to rush by him, catching him in his arms. He expected some protest, he expected a struggle. But Jimin fights, pulling at Taehyung’s sleeves as he holds him back.

“I need to, let me go!” Jimin scratches and jerks and shouts, but Taehyung grits his teeth and pulls him back. “I need to get to him, Tae, let go, let me go!”

It hurts. It hurts him a lot, hearing Jimin’s voice as shattered as it is. Between him and Yoongi being so consumed by this anguish, Taehyung isn’t sure how much longer he himself can last. How any of them won’t succumb to it. And if Jungkook doesn't recover, neither will they, he knows that. Taehyung thinks there’s no possible way in hell Jimin and Jungkook aren’t soulmates, and Jimin has to know now, he just has to. This is a truth that's dangerous to keep from him. “Jimin, he's in surgery, you can’t do anything for him right now!”

And that’s what does it. That’s what rips all of Jimin’s strength from him.

“Shit.” Taehyung is barely able to catch Jimin’s body weight as he collapses. Part of him saw it coming, and the other part was still caught off guard, but all of him is terrified. “Jimin, Jimin, fuck, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

They slide down against the wall together, Jimin falling into Taehyung’s embrace. A couple walks into the hospital, passing them and giving one hell of a  sympathetic look as Jimin yells and curses and sobs into his shoulder. Taehyung offers a pained smile in response, because how else do you explain this. It’s a hospital. People can die in there.

Jungkook could die in there.

Jungkook is dying in there.

“Oh God,” Taehyung whispers to himself. “Oh God.”

Jimin is hyperventilating. Jimin is his concern right now, because like he said, there’s nothing they can do right now. But he can help Jimin, that’s something he’s not powerless over. Taehyung rubs his back and threads his fingers through his hair, muttering, “Shh, shh, I’m here, breathe with me,” until he’s confident Jimin won’t pass out from lack of oxygen. God, that’s what they all need, an unconscious Jimin.

But Taehyung trying to distract himself only half works, and his hands shake too hard to hide.

“What if we lose him?” Jimin still doesn’t have control over his voice; it comes out in between heavy, violent sobbing. Taehyung draws him closer and squeezes his eyes shut. “What if he dies?”

“He won’t,” is all he can say. It’s all he can dare to think. “H-he won’t.”

“Our Jungkookie, my Jungkookie, I can’t lose him, I can’t, oh my God.”

Taehyung’s entire heart twists. He has to take a deep, shuddery breath. “We’re not going to lose him.”

“I love him. Tae, I love him.”

“I know you do.”

Jimin continues to cry until he goes still in Taehyung’s arms. They’re quiet after that, because what are they supposed to say?

It’s just a bunch of words. They won’t save Jungkook.

***

No one sleeps that night. The six of them end up sitting in the waiting room coping with the news in various ways. Namjoon can’t keep still, and almost every half an hour on the dot he stands up and stretches his stupid long legs and paces around the windows. Jin periodically leaves and returns with drinks or snacks throughout the night, proving to Taehyung that food really is hyung’s love language. Hoseok keeps a very positive mindset and tries to make them all smile here and there, which Taehyung is immensely grateful for, because it somehow works. Even with Yoongi. Even with Jimin.

Taehyung is worried about them. Jimin has sat in that chair with his legs curled up to his chest staring out the window for actual hours. He won’t speak. He’s ignoring everyone’s questions and comments and so they’ve stopped bothering him.

And Yoongi? Yoongi has also barely moved. He sits in the chair next to him, slumped over his knees, and he won’t look anyone in the eye. To be honest, it doesn’t really seem like he’s looking at anything. He’s in his own world, his own hell.

None of them are handling this well, but Yoongi and Jimin are the most concerning for sure. And Taehyung doesn’t know what to do about it.

It’s around seven or eight in the morning the next day when Yoongi starts to send everyone home. It’s the week before finals and God only knows how underprepared all of them are, and now, how distracted they're going to be. He doesn't even want to think about Jungkook's finals.

If he's even alive for them.

Taehyung feels a strong surge of anger. He's been fighting these intrusive thoughts all night, and he's fed up with it.

His hyungs wordlessly start to stand up. But of course, of course, just as they’re all about to gather their stuff and split up, one of the doctors comes out, the tall one with gray hair, and calls for Yoongi.

Taehyung doesn’t think he’s ever seen six emotionally and physically exhausted college students perk up so quickly before in his life, and he prays he never has to again. Jimin looks like he may explode. Yoongi might puke for the fifth time soon, Taehyung isn’t sure.

“That’s me,” Yoongi croaks. His voice really sounds atrocious right now.

The doctor walks up to him, peering over his shoulder at the group of them standing there expectantly. Yes, they look a bit wild, but Jungkook’s their maknae, Yoongi’s brother, Jimin’s soulmate. As if any of them wouldn’t be here right now. “If you’ll come with me, I’d like to update you on Jungkook’s condition.”

“Anything you need to say to me can be said in front of them.”

The doctor really looks like he’s about to protest that – it’s probably against some law, since only Yoongi’s name is on any type of paperwork – but Taehyung is sure they’re a pitiful sight to behold. He sighs, “Jungkook is stirring right now, but he’s a bit incoherent and won’t stay fully alert. Currently stable and responding well to the surgery so far. Breathing is slightly irregular, but we expect it will be for the next twenty-four hours until his lung starts to re-inflate. There were some pretty rough abrasions from hitting the asphalt, but those will heal no problem with proper care.”

Yoongi nods hurriedly, his eyes wide. And who can blame him? This is the death sentence being delivered.

That’s a horrible wording for it, Taehyung thinks to himself.

“As for his leg, that’ll probably require the most outside maintenance.”

“What happened to his leg?” Jimin pipes up, startling all of them. Jimin hasn't had a voice in ten hours.

The doctor looks at Yoongi, as if to verify that he’s allowed to address another member in the group, and Yoongi nods again. “Well, it seems that the way he landed when he was struck-” Taehyung sees Jimin wince. “-caused his left knee to shatter. This is a completely fixable injury, he’s just going to be immobile with it for anywhere between three and six months.”

“Ah, fuck,” Yoongi says. Jimin drops into the chair after that, rubbing at his face. When the doctor obviously looks at Jimin curiously, Yoongi adds, “He’s, um. Jungkook’s a dancer.”

“I see.” It’s a very unpleasant realization, for a dancer to become immobile. It’s like if Taehyung went blind, as a photography major. Or Yoongi and Namjoon deaf, as music producers. “You can come back to see him right now, if you want.”

“Can they come?” Yoongi jerks his head back to gesture at the rest of them, and Taehyung sees the discomfort settle in the doctor’s eyes. Six of them in the room while Jungkook is trying to recover? Not going to happen.

“Only family can see him right now.”

“We’re all the family he has, sir,” Yoongi says. God, does he sound tired.

At least the universe does seem to grant favors sometimes. “Look, I technically can’t let you all back there, even if you are all family. I’ll let three of you go, is that alright?”

“Yes, thank you,” Yoongi bows his head and he turns to Taehyung, pleading for him to stay by his side. Of course Taehyung will go.

Yoongi also turns to Jimin, and the emotion that washes over him is blatantly obvious. As if Yoongi wasn’t going to let Jimin go back.

“We’ll head home and rest up,” Jin tells Yoongi, clasping him on the shoulder. “So in case you guys need to come home and rest, we’ll be ready to come back. We can take turns.”

So it’s settled then. Yoongi, Jimin, and Taehyung part ways from the other three and follow Doctor What’sHisName through too many hallways for Taehyung to remember an exit. His heart starts pounding in his chest again, the hollow sound ricocheting in his head. What does he expect? To see one of his best friend’s deformed, mutilated body? Taehyung prepares himself for blood, even though the thought makes him queasy, and tries to calm himself.

But when they enter the room, for all it looks, Jungkook could simply just be taking a nap

There’s no blood, there’s no deformed corpse. There’s only Jungkookie, his right side covered with a blanket, asleep.

Of course, Taehyung’s not naïve. He knows under that blanket, his right side is patched up with incisions and a tube in his chest, helping his lungs work after one of them collapsed. He sees the abrasions on his stomach and the worst of it on his arms. His leg is in a cast, propped on a pillow.

Taehyung hears a sigh tear out of Yoongi’s mouth. A sigh that screams relief, relief that Jungkook looks okay. Alive.

But then Jimin pushes past both of them, and Taehyung sees that relief in Yoongi’s eyes turn to panic. Panic, because Jungkook’s chest is bare, exposed.

Oh. So this is how the truth gets told.

“Wait, Jimin-ah, you can’t-”

But it’s too late. Taehyung sees it, Yoongi sees it, and Jimin sees it.

Everyone sees.

Oh my God.

Jimin clasps a hand over his mouth, but everything is doing that slow motion thing again for Taehyung. Yoongi’s saying something, Jimin’s saying something, but Taehyung can’t help staring, right under Jungkook’s heart.

Jungkook has no words.

***

It’s like there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. A tunnel that’s been nothing but twists and turns and fear and pain and lies and scars and a million other hurtful things that Jimin has had thrown at him for over a decade at this point.

A light that burns as he gets closer. Because God does it burn, the realization sizzles his blood, as he looks under Jungkook’s heart and sees that there is nothing there.

Maybe he is shocked, but it’s diluted. He’s not shocked about this; he’s shocked that this is what it took.

“Where – but I thought…” Taehyung can’t do anything but shake his head, mouth opening and closing as he stares at Jungkook’s unconscious form. “Jimin, he’s – Jungkookie, he’s your-”

“Your soulmate.”

It’s then that both of them notice Yoongi is staring at Jimin, staring hard, and Taehyung falls silent. Jimin feels the hair on the back of his neck stand up, and for what reason, he isn’t sure, but he does not like the way hyung is looking at him.

Taehyung starts to reach out a hand. “Yoongi-”

But Yoongi jerks away, and he does it without breaking the gaze. “He’s your fucking soulmate, Jimin. And he was aware of it, everyone was aware of it, except you. And you know why?”

“Yoongi,” Taehyung pleads.

“No,” Jimin’s voice sounds rough to his own ears, like he’s been swallowing sandpaper. “Let him finish. Go ahead, hyung.”

Jimin sees the anger flash in Yoongi’s eyes. Jimin knows what he’s doing, provoking him like this. Making himself seem unfazed.

Jimin doesn’t fucking care. He wants this pain.

“You’ve been too stuck in your own bullshit to give a damn, Jimin. You couldn’t be fucking bothered to ask, to understand, could you? No, because it was all ‘you, you, you,’ wasn’t it? All Jungkook ever did was suffer because of how much he loved you, and you couldn’t get over yourself!”

“I didn’t know,” Jimin snaps. He disregards Taehyung’s devastated look, he only focuses on Yoongi, who stands eye level, in his face, mouth as close to snarling as he could get. “I didn’t know, Yoongi.”

“Oh, you didn’t know? Yeah, because you’re a coward and you’re selfish, Park Jimin, you don’t deserve Jungkook, not when he gave you every goddamn part of himself and you let it come to this!”

“So it’s my fault? This is my fault?”

“He didn’t run in front of a car for the hell of it, he did it for you!”

And that’s enough. That’s enough to stop Jimin. It’s enough torture. He flinches as if Yoongi had slapped him. The doctor from earlier is already back in the room after being alerted by their screaming match, yelling at them to be mature, to let Jungkook rest, to take it outside, and all Jimin can think, can hear, is-is…

He did it for you.

Taehyung pulls at Yoongi’s arm, anything to get him away from Jimin, but his attempts are in vain. “Hyung, stop!”

They’ve all reached a breaking point in the last 24 hours, but none of them have held it together as well as Yoongi. He’s been stronger than them, he’s taken the blunt of this tragedy without letting his weakness show.

That is, until he completely shatters right there at the foot of Jungkook’s bed, sobbing, wailing.

“No! No, I’m not going to stop, that’s my baby brother dying for fuck’s sake, he’s everything I learned to live for, and you’re taking him away from me!” Yoongi pushes out of Taehyung’s arms and collapses as soon as the support is gone, like the strength to stand has failed him. “You’re killing him, Jimin, I can’t fucking watch him love you anymore!”

It takes the doctor and Taehyung to lift Yoongi up to his feet, just enough that he shoves them off and storms out of the room. Jimin watches all of this through a filter of hazy fog, from far away. Taehyung is speaking, the doctor is speaking, everyone is speaking to him, but he can’t understand any of them. He isn’t sure how much time has passed since Yoongi ran out, he isn’t sure when they stop trying to speak to him.

Jimin isn’t sure of anything. He isn’t sure the light at the end of the tunnel is better than what’s already inside.

But. Jungkook is that light, is he not? It’s loving Jungkook, that’s his light.

Jimin refuses to let it be dark again.

Chapter Text

Taehyung isn’t sure how much more he can take from these two. He doesn’t know what the fuck to do. Yoongi’s gone. He’s stormed off outside somewhere, probably losing his mind after blowing the unholy hell up on Jimin like that. Jimin looks completely expressionless, like his entire soul has disappeared, which, of course, is basically true because his soulmate is half dead right now, and God, Taehyung has a headache.

“Jimin?” Taehyung reaches out a hand to him, gently, like any sudden move will startle him into lashing out. Fuck, he just doesn’t know what to do. Or who to go to right now, because both of them need some support. He thinks maybe Yoongi needs some space, at least for a few minutes, so he makes Jimin his priority right now. “Jimin, look at me.”

And finally, he does. Jimin’s eyes are red, but he’s not crying. Not anymore. All this out of character display of emotion, from Yoongi’s outburst to Jimin’s silence, is freaking him out. How is Taehyung the one who has the better grasp on this situation? Hell, Jungkook is calmer than these two.

Jungkook is literally sedated, of course he’s calm.

Taehyung’s brain is scattered. “Are you okay?”

Jimin just gives him a look.

He rubs at his eyes. “Jesus, cut me some slack, alright? Talk to me and maybe I wouldn’t have to ask dumb questions.”

Jimin lets out a frustrated sigh. Taehyung can’t blame him. Who knows what kind of conflict is going on in his mind right now. “What am I supposed to say?”

“I don’t know, you just found out some shocking news, maybe react a little? You’re scaring me, Chim. The vibes are off.”

“Jungkook’s laying unconscious in a hospital bed and hyung just blamed me for it, and you think the vibes are just off?”

“He didn’t mean-”

“Did you know? Did you know, Tae?”

The question catches him off guard. Taehyung’s mouth snaps shut. Did you know? Did Taehyung keep the biggest possible secret from his best friend, something he’s never done in his life? Day after day after day? “I – yes. I knew.”

Jimin bites the inside of his cheek and nods his head, all too calm for the situation. “I see. And Hoseok? Joon and Jin?”

Taehyung swallows hard against the building shame. It’s impossible to look Jimin in the eye as he says, “Yeah. They knew too.”

“So everyone knew. And yet,” Jimin says, his voice painfully clipped, “me not knowing is my fault?”

His blood freezes with the sudden realization that this calm of Jimin’s is a façade and everything is very, very wrong. Jimin is furious, but the quiet kind. The kind that scares the living shit out of Taehyung. “Jimin-”

“It doesn’t matter that this stuff is hard for me to deal with? That this truth is hard for me to believe in? That never mattered to you all?”

Taehyung is wordless.

“I don’t know what’s worse, really. Having countless people say my words so often to the point that I don’t know what’s real and what’s not, or having my soulmate say them only to pretend that he didn’t. Or maybe, having my best friends all lie to me about it, too.” And then. Then Jimin smiles, so sincere looking, and Taehyung winces. “But this is my fault, right?”

Sudden nausea hits him then. It’s sickening, the way this game has played for them. And he knows Yoongi was speaking out of anger, he knows he didn’t mean to blame Jimin. So much more played into this than just Jungkook keeping a secret.

No, all of them. They all kept this secret. This silent wrath being thrown at him is deserved. “I’m sorry-”

“Get out.” Jimin says quietly.

Taehyung wants to protest. He wants to apologize, to explain, anything to make Jimin stop looking at him like that. Jimin has never looked at him with such disappointment before, such hurt, that Taehyung himself caused. He just wants to make it disappear.

But he doesn’t. He can’t.

Instead, Taehyung turns his back and leaves to find Yoongi.

***

Voices.

.

.

.

Jungkook feels nothing and everything all at once. There’s pain, and a lot of it, but it’s blurry. He feels it through the thin veil of his existence. Which may or may not be anymore, he can’t really tell.

He doesn’t want to die. God, he doesn’t want to die yet.

Why can’t he just wake up.

.

.

.

He hears them.

He hears Yoongi. Jimin. Taehyung.

They’re screaming at each other.

He wants them to stop, he tries to reach…

But he can’t. It hurts.

.

.

.

One more-

The pain is growing sharper. It’s everywhere. It’s all he is.

He breaks. He bleeds. His heart aches and aches and screams out for-

.

.

.

For-

.

.

.

One more chance. I’ll try again. No more secrets.

Please.

Jimin…

Jimin-

Please-

***

The pain that radiates right behind Jimin’s eyes won’t ease up, not when he sits down, not when he closes his eyes, not when he tries to give his brain a moment of ease by trying to sleep. Between the exhaustion, the stress, and the whirlwind of emotions in his chest, he’s surprised he hasn’t blacked out yet.

Yes, he’s angry. Angry, upset, betrayed, terrified. Who knows how many others. He could rotate a whole list of them if he really let himself think too much.

Maybe he shouldn’t have sent Taehyung away, because now the silence in the air is too loud. Between that and the beep coming from one of the machines Jungkook is hooked up to, everything is too much. The last thing he needs is his thoughts trying to be loud too.

But of course, they speak anyway, and the one thought that he can’t stop focusing on is that everyone knew. All of them. From the very beginning, the answer was right there, and no one was honest about it. No one told him.

But you knew, too. Didn’t you? Deep down you knew it, and you tried to give everyone else the responsibility instead.

Jungkook could’ve told him, yes.

But Jimin could’ve asked.

Fucking hell.

Jimin presses on his temples to try to ease some of the pressure building there. Can he really be mad at any of them without being hypocritical? Jungkook probably didn’t want anyone to know, didn’t want his secret to be shared. Wanted to be the one to say the truth.

Oh lord.  He was probably too afraid of being rejected again. Jungkook, who has only ever loved with his entire being just to have it thrown away, thrown back at him like it was nothing, by nearly everyone. By his parents, by his family, by his peers.

By Jimin.

I told him I couldn’t love my soulmate.

“Oh my God,” Jimin whispers, a sudden cold blooming throughout his body.

I told him I couldn’t love him.

Jimin chokes out a sob before he can cover his mouth. His hands are trembling again, just when he’s barely gotten them to stop.

I did do this. I did this to him.

“Jungkookie.” He’s struggling to breathe again, to speak past the convulsing gasps. He sounds like a fucking child, but God, he can’t help it. Gently, he grabs Jungkook’s hand, covered in gauze and tape and a needle pumping shit into his system to keep him alive, and Jimin’s entire chest hurts. “Jungkookie, please, I don’t care about fate, I just want you back. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

Jimin feels like he’s coming undone. Like a mirror that’s shattered, and only now is he able to look into the reflection and see just how badly he caused Jungkook to bleed.

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry…

Jimin is shaking so bad. So much that he-

He barely feels it, the subtle sensation.

But.

But.

Jimin lifts his head, his heart pounding so hard in his chest that he worries it’s going to explode. A bitter taste fills his mouth as his vision starts to darken and he wonders for a second if he’ll really black out from this rush of adrenaline that his nervous system can’t maintain.

There’s nothing for a few seconds, not a single movement, a single press, a jerk, nothing. Jimin starts to question whether he imagined it, whether his mind is trying to cause him even more pain than it already fucking has, whether the stress had finally reached a peak.

But then. Jimin feels it, again. The pressure of a squeeze against his fingers. So gentle.

A noise escapes his throat, scraping it raw. He clamps a hand over his mouth yet again to swallow it down. His head is spinning, spinning like crazy, Jungkook is-

He’s alive. He’s moving. He’s trying.

“Please stay.” Jimin begs, prays, hoping someone will listen for once in his life. “Please, come back.”

There. He feels it again. Much stronger, firm.

Jimin feels the tears slide down his face, tastes the salt. “Jungkook.”

Jungkook mumbles something, the noise barely escaping his lips. He really is stirring. He’s coming to.

Shit, holy shit. Jimin panics for a second before he remembers to slam his hand on the call button for a nurse. “Jungkook. Stay with me. Please.”

Another mumble, and another, and then, “Jimin…”

Jimin holds his breath.

Jungkook’s eyes flutter ever so slightly, but they don’t open. “I’m not-” Jungkook sucks in a deep breath; Jimin can tell it hurts. “-going anywhere.”

The nurses rush in then, and Jimin is forced away from Jungkook’s grasp. He stands near the door, eyes glued to Jungkook, everything in his body alight and aflame. His chest rises and falls in gasps, but he tries his best to swallow it down when one of the nurses looks at him as if he was going to faint.

He just stares and stares and stares at Jungkook, who weakly moves his hands. Stares at the nurses who check everything, who ask him questions, who give him more drugs, who surround him in a swarm.

“You,” a doctor, different than the one who let him in here, turns to him. “Are you the brother? Min Yoongi?”

Jimin doesn’t move. He’s not even sure he’s continued to breathe yet. It’s almost like he’s afraid what he’s seeing is a hallucination, and if he looks away it’ll be gone. Just another lie that this sick, sick universe decided to conjure up for him. “I’m his soulmate. Yoongi is outside.”

The doctor dismisses him to retrieve Yoongi then, and Jimin starts to back out the door. But just one more time, he looks at Jungkook, looks back at the one person he loves more than anything, despite how fucking merciless the universe has been trying to make it impossible.

I don’t care about fate, I just want you back.

Right under Jungkook’s heart, the words like a fresh wound amongst all the others Jimin has caused him.

***

Another chance.

.

.

.

Jimin.

He’s crying. He’s crying.

Jungkook feels his pain through the layers and layers of his own, and somehow it hurts worse than everything else.

.

.

.

Jungkook gains strength in his arm. And he feels a hand in his, squeezing his fingers, shaking and trembling.

He does all he can with that strength before it fades.

He squeezes back.

.

.

.

“Jimin.”

***

Yoongi wishes his bad habits wouldn’t die so hard. Him snapping at Jimin like that, him being so protective of Jungkook as if he wasn’t his own person, him tapping the ashes from the cigarette against the railing. The taste burns, but the guilt burns worse, so he doesn’t really fucking care.

He hears Taehyung calling his name before he sees him approach. Taehyung comes to a halt when he finds Yoongi standing near the back garden, where everything is pretty and flowery and the sun is shining like nothing is wrong in this world, his world. Like Jungkook isn’t recovering from actual death.

Yeah, I should learn to cope with these things better, he thinks as smoke rolls past his lips.

“Yoongi.” Taehyung is out of breath, probably from running around trying to find him. “What-what the fuck are you doing?”

Yoongi raises a brow at him. It’s not meant to be sarcastic when he answers, just blunt, but it probably is anyway. “Smoking a cigarette.”

He’s pretty sure he’s never seen Taehyung look so absolutely confused before in his life. It’d be amusing if Tae didn’t look like he was about to burst into tears.

With a sigh, Yoongi snubs it out against the concrete wall before putting it in the smoking receptacle. He doesn’t need to upset Tae any more than he already has in the last 24 hours. “Don’t tell Jungkook. He’ll kick my ass.”

Taehyung’s voice is rough, but he shows no signs of caving yet. Yoongi has no idea how he’s being so strong-willed, but he wishes he had that strength, that numb wall surrounding his emotions. “Pretty sure Jungkook would never dare something like that when it comes to you.”

“Last time I touched a cigarette, he wrestled them out of my hands, drowned ‘em in a sink, and then had the nerve to punch me in the jaw.”

Taehyung steps forward and slips the pack from the pocket of Yoongi’s flannel. He wonders for half a second if Taehyung is considering the same. “While I doubt he’s in the condition to do that right now, why risk it?” Taehyung throws the pack in the trash can. Yoongi feels himself wince – he did only smoke one out of a whole new pack – but it’s for the best. “I wouldn’t put it past the kid to come back from the dead just to start a fight.”

If Yoongi knows Taehyung at all, and he likes to think he’s been given ample amount of time to learn, then he’s trying to be light-hearted in the face of this enormous mess just to keep Yoongi sane, or Jimin sane, or maybe just himself. But Yoongi’s a bit greedy and he wants to feed off his soulmate’s somewhat lighthearted energy right now.

Regardless of this show, Yoongi knows what’s on his mind. It’s the same thing that’s on his own mind. “I didn’t mean what I said, Tae.”

“I know you didn’t.”

“But I shouldn’t have said it. I shouldn’t have let my emotions get the best of me. Jimin doesn’t deserve that on top of everything else.”

“No,” Taehyung agrees softly. Yoongi doesn’t think he’s mad. Maybe just disappointed. Maybe just tired. “No, he doesn’t. Because we lied to him, hyung. The only way to place blame here is equally between all of us, you know?”

Yoongi finds it too hard to keep his eyes on Tae’s face, like he’s too guilty to look at him. He just feels fucking awful. Jimin is one of his best friends, Jungkook’s soulmate, and to tear into him like that was wrong. To say what he said…that’s a line Yoongi should never have crossed.

“But I understand, to some degree, because haven’t I done the same thing to Jungkook when it came to Jimin? You and I both tend to be defensive like that. But Jungkook is my baby brother too, and Namjoon’s, and Hoseok’s. He’s our maknae. You know how in all the movies they say shit like ‘oh, we can’t turn on each other now’? That’s us. We can’t start fighting like this.”

“God, I’m a fucking asshole.” Yoongi finds that when he swallows, it’s hard to get down. “I’ll go talk to Jimin. I don’t really think it’s his fault, you know that, right?”

“I know that. But Jimin’s the one who needs to hear it. Because he’s mad, hyung. Which means he’s hurt. And I know he’s up there taking everything you said to heart.”

Fuck. Yoongi sighs and rubs at the bridge of his nose. “I’m going back up. I think you should go home and get some rest now. You’re exhausted.”

The look on Tae’s face says the idea is more than appealing, but that ever-present sense of loyalty makes him say, “I can stay with you and Jimin.”

Yoongi kisses the tip of his nose, right on the freckle. Taehyung smiles at him, but his eyes are already drooping at the thought of going home for some proper sleep. “I’ll go work things out with Jimin. I’m sending you home.”

“Fine,” he pouts. He places another kiss on Yoongi’s lips in a way that never fails to make his heart do the happy dance. “But you’ll call me if you need absolutely anything at all? And you’ll take care of Jimin?”

“Of course.”

“And give me your jacket. You smell like smoke and Jungkook literally broke his lung like a whole bitch.”

Ah, yes. Just another way Yoongi’s being selfish. He shuffles out of his jacket and hands it over. Taehyung carefully drapes it over his arm, and one last kiss later, he starts in the direction of his apartment. And while Yoongi knows he needs to go back in, he waits until Tae disappears from view before he can muster the courage to do so.

With a sigh and with Taehyung long gone, he drags himself back in, wondering if the acrid scent of nicotine and fucking dumb decisions sticks to his clothes. Yoongi stands in front of the elevator door in an exhausted daze as he waits for the red numbers to blink down to the floor he’s on. When the ding signals its arrival, he steps forward.

Only to be aggressively yanked inside by one manic looking Park Jimin. “Hyung, I was coming to find you.”

The sudden reawakening of his sympathetic nervous system makes Yoongi jittery. “What happened? Is Jungkook-”

“Awake. He’s awake.”

***

Awake. That means alive. Yoongi’s breath escapes him in a rush as Jimin slams his hand into the buttons of the elevator to get them back to the seventh floor, where they run down the hallway to Jungkook’s room.

The doctor from earlier is standing outside and sees them approach. Yoongi frantically scans his face for any sign of bad news, and he doesn’t see it. “Min Yoongi, may I speak to you in private?”

Wordlessly, he nods, and he follows as the doctor steps over to a less occupied area near the desk. Yoongi looks back once at Jimin, unreadable at this moment, before turning his attention to the doctor, who said something Yoongi completely missed. “I’m sorry?”

“I said, Jungkook’s doing well and so far, he’s on the path of full recovery. But in all honesty, we were a bit surprised. With that level of internal damage, it stopped his heart.”

Yoongi knows that. He does, he knows deep down, Jungkook died. How else would his words have disappeared like they did? He knows this.

And yet, the godawful pain that stabs his chest just then makes him reach out an arm and lean against the wall.

The doctor gives Yoongi a few seconds to compose himself, thank God, because if he kept plowing through the prognosis before he had his footing, an anxiety attack along with another pack of cigarettes was on its way. “But he’s strong. He’s beating a lot of odds right now. I’d say the universe must love that kid.”

Yoongi can’t help the snort that escapes him. “The universe has fucked him over his whole life. If it didn’t let him live, I don’t know what I would’ve done.”

The doctor nods as if he understands. Maybe he does, who is Yoongi to make that judgment. “Maybe it’s trying to redeem itself now.”

For Jungkook’s sake as well as Jimin’s, he sure fucking hopes so. Otherwise there will be hell to pay, and he’s already got a tab.

***

There’s a lot of talking going on with Yoongi and the doctor, Jimin notices, enough that the anxiety boiling throughout his body grows and grows, and the apprehension of seeing Jungkook just makes it worse. Jimin can tell by the nervous justling of Yoongi’s hands that he’s getting anxious too.

Jimin can barely take it anymore. His stomach is doing some awful sort of somersault, between dealing with whatever truth he has to acknowledge with Jungkook’s soulmark to Jungkook waking up to all the guilt about the situation to talking to him about this shit to being afraid of Yoongi’s wrath. With a million other emotional conflicts going on in his head to top it off. He’s concerned he might be sick.

He slides away from Yoongi and makes his way to the restroom before his sanity slips right in front of all the medical staff, locking the door behind him with a sharp click. Jimin looks at the mirror and sees a truly abominable sight looking back at him. He looks the way he feels – utterly miserable.

He unbuttons his shirt with shaky fingers, fumbling over the small movements. It’s not going to be a surprise, whatever he sees there, but it’s the thought that’s scaring him. It’s the sudden change, the horrible circumstances, it’s everything, and Jimin’s fucking crying yet again, choking down the noises that threaten to spill out. The nonsensical pain that wants a voice. Because there’s a new promise now glaring at him in the mirror, strikingly dark against his pale skin, and it’s goddamn terrifying.

I’m not going anywhere.

Jeon Jungkook is his soulmate. It took him years to see that. It took self-esteem issues, mistrust, anxiety, and hatred, and tension, and Jimin and Jungkook struggling to patch it up this whole time, and so much blind ignorance. It took Jungkook every possible up and down just to finally get Jimin to understand.

Go fuck yourself right off a bridge, you piece of shit.

Jungkook is his soulmate. He has been, this whole time, while Jimin has run around like a kicked puppy. The impact those harsh words probably had on Jungkook his whole life, and yet Jimin acted like the only victim. This mess could’ve been avoided if he’d just looked closer. If he would’ve asked about Jungkook’s soulmate, about his mark, his words. If he would’ve stopped hiding and avoiding it.

Everything about Jimin being Jungkook’s soulmate has ruined Jungkook’s life. Everything.

And he knows what it means, that his soulmark disappeared. This has been something discussed in therapy with Dr. Lee and many, many times in support group with Hoseok and their friends. The pain of losing your soulmate when they die, when your soul is severed and scarred permanently. All those agonizing recollections his friends have shared about losing their soulmate, all the descriptions of feeling like you were dying yourself, Jimin now understands them more than ever.

Jungkook died, however temporary. And with that, it killed Jimin.

I hate myself. I did this to us.

There’s a slight knock on the door, gentle, but it startles him regardless. Before he can yell out that this bathroom is occupied, he hears, “Jimin-ah? Are you in there?”

It’s Yoongi, of course. The thought of responding makes his mouth feel leaden, but he has to. He reaches for the door handle, to unlock it, to go outside and deal with life.

With his fingers grasped around the handle, Jimin freezes. He can’t. He can’t go out there yet. There’s a sharp ache right along his soulmark and he doesn’t know if it’s a threat or a sign to go fucking do something he’s always been too cowardly to do or just another goddamn lie, and Jimin can’t take this anymore. The weight on his shoulders pushes him further down. He slumps to his knees.

“Jimin,” Yoongi calls out again, much more softly this time. It’s too much. It’s too much. “Knock twice if you can hear me.”

His hand moves on its own, knuckles tapping against the solid wood.

I did this…

“Are you okay to come out right now? Knock once for no, twice for yes.”

One knock.

Yoongi sighs. “I can’t believe I’m having this conversation with you while you’re locked in a bathroom. But kid, I didn’t mean what I said, I need you to know that. It doesn’t excuse anything, because it was wrong of me, but.” Another sigh. “Jesus fuck, I love you to pieces, Jimin. I need you to understand that you’re not to blame at all. I was just being an asshole. I was stressed and so scared. But it’s not your fault.”

“Hyung, it is my fault.” It’s rough, how his voice sounds right now. Abrasive. And his throat hurts. “You were right, I should’ve asked, I-I should’ve…I don’t know, I should’ve done more.”

“But-”

“No, I should’ve. I was too caught up my own fear and my own issues to be brave enough to ask, and I-I just, I-” His words cut off. The excuses are starting to anger him.

“It’s not your fault, Jimin. Do you understand me? It’s not. But Jungkook never wanted to do anybody harm. He never wanted to hurt you. He was just scared, and he’s still scared, but he loves you. He’s been trying to prove to the universe that it made the right choice in making you his soulmate, or whatever the fuck.”

“Was it worth it? Was I really worth it?” Jimin dares to whisper. He thinks maybe Yoongi doesn’t hear him, because he’s not even sure he spoke out loud. “Why did he stick around for someone like me?”

Yoongi is silent, but then, after another second, “Because, you fucking idiot! How can you ask that? You’re his soulmate, and he loves you so, so much, you’ve always been worth it to him.” Like it was obvious. “He’s loved you since high school and he will never, ever blame you the way you’re blaming yourself. So stop. Stop dragging his love through a pile of shit like that.”

Jimin says nothing. Because is there anything to say, really?

“You’re both so stupidly into each other that everyone noticed. Can that be enough? Regardless of everything that’s happened, can it be enough to save you both?” Yoongi says. “Please? Because I think loving you is what kept him alive. It’s not what put him here, Jimin, it’s what he’s fighting to live for.”

Can it? Can Jimin put this shit behind him if he thought he could finally live and love happily? Can Jungkook? Is it something he’s willing to try?

Why is this even a question he’s asking himself?

The answer is obvious.

“Knock twice for yes.” Jimin can feel the weight of Yoongi’s request, how heavy his words are. As if he thinks Jimin doesn’t believe Jungkook is worth it. As if he thinks this is a lost cause.

But Jungkook is always worth it, and if he can go through all of this shit and still think Jimin is worth it too, then it’s cruel to make him wait any longer. Jimin would go through any hell just so Jungkook wouldn’t have to, and if he could be the one in that room, he would be.

So Jimin stands up.

“Jungkook wants to see you.”

His heart lurches.

Jimin knocks.

***

Jimin.

.

.

.

“Jungkookie?”

.

.

.

He smiles.

***

Out of everything going on, every sensation in his body, his fucking head hurts the most.

Jungkook knows the doctor has said numerous times that he doesn’t have a concussion, it’s just the aftermath of drugs and the strain of pain management. But Jesus fuck, does he want to sleep it away forever.

Jungkook is sleepy and drowsy for a whole two days after surgery, only vaguely coherent. He remembers Yoongi and Jimin being there when he woke up long enough to speak, and he remembers the first thing he blurts out was something along the lines of, “Chanyeol is a fake.”

He thought it was urgent. Yoongi fell out of his seat laughing.

When Jungkook tries to explain to Jimin, it’s brushed off with a smile and a, “I know, Jungkookie, I know.”

And then Jimin kisses his forehead like it’s the most casual thing in the world.

Jungkook falls asleep soon after that, and maybe he’s a bit more at peace. So what.

***

Day three, and he’s fully awake, and fully in ouch.

There’s an icky pressure beneath the cast on his leg, right where his knee is. He was told that it shattered and tendons tore and all kinds of great things. The abrasions on his arms and side are already going from the bright red to pale pink, and they’re itchy as fuck.

Whatever. He’s alive.

Yoongi’s the only one there, half asleep in the chair by his bed, books scattered around the little collapsible table.

“Hyung,” Jungkook mumbles, to which Yoongi doesn’t respond. “Hyunggg.”

That does it. Yoongi’s eyes snap open and he jolts to attention. Once the alarm leaves his face when he sees Jungkook is not dying, his eyes soften. “Hey, Kook-ah. How’re you feeling?”

“I’ve been better,” he says, reaching out for Yoongi’s wrist as he tries to push the call button. “No. Just give me a minute to not be harassed.”

Yoongi looks like he wants to protest, but he slowly sits back down. “Are you in a lot of pain right now?”

Yes. Very much. “Nah, it’s only a few scratches.”

Yoongi blinks at him. “There’s a literal tube in your chest.”

“They said it can come out tomorrow.” God bless, because it is so uncomfortable and if he really focused on it, it would say it hurts like a bitch. But compared to everything else, it’s just fucking annoying.

“For fuck’s sake.”

It’s around then that Jungkook notices the roses, sitting under the TV. He furrows his brows at it, even though his heart skips a beat already. “Who are those from?”

Yoongi walks over and pulls a card from the top of them. He hands it to Jungkook. “Who do you think?”

From Jimin <3

(p.s., I hear you got hit by a car
how irresponsible
I said I’D die before you ever told the boy the truth, not YOU
but seeing as he’s sending you the same roses you sent him,
I’d say the car knocked some sense into you.
heal well.
with love, Mimi)

Jungkook laughs despite his eyes welling up with tears. He feels bad leaving Mimi with no worker, but as soon as he can, he’ll get back to it. He might be limping for a bit, but he will.

Everyone has been trying to distract him from the fact that he’s a dancer who can’t dance right now, and while he’s taking it hard, he knows eventually recovery will come. He’ll make it.

But if he knows himself, a lot of frustration is going to come first.

Right now he’s mostly terrified that he missed finals. Yoongi has already talked to his professors and as long as he can get everything made up by the end of the summer, he’ll pass.

Still. He fucking missed finals.

And most importantly, he’s going to miss Yoongi and Jin graduating here in a few days. That hurts the most, even though they’ve both insisted that it’s alright and everyone else promised to record it.

As for Jimin. Jimin’s quiet around him, but not in any way that makes it awkward or painful. Just in a gentle way, like he’s taking it all in, which is more than he expected. Jungkook doesn’t know what happened yet. He doesn’t know how the truth was told, just that it’s out, and that Jimin doesn’t hate him.

Of all the things to go wrong, he’s glad it wasn’t that one.

***

Jungkook finds out about the words on day four.

It’s after he spent the morning getting the tube removed from his chest. While it fucking hurt when he woke up from the procedure, he now feels so much better. There’s no uncomfortable pressure, or sharp pain when he does literally anything.

And he can breathe on his own without it feeling like razor blades. Now it only aches, but it’s nothing.

By that afternoon, they have him out of bed for the first time. Just for ten or fifteen minutes, to see how well his lungs deal. And it’s great. Even with the crutches, it’s nice to use the damn bathroom on his own.

But in the bathroom, that’s where he sees it.

“What the fuck?”

His nurse notices his alarmed expression, and it’s from her that he learns about what happened. That Jungkook came close enough to death that it stripped both him and his soulmate of their marks, as it happens when one’s soulmate dies. But since Jungkook survived, the mark came back with the first words they spoke to each other.

Which Jungkook does not remember at all.

But he can’t help staring and staring, even after the nurse tries to coax him back to his bed. Because the words that he lived with since he was twelve, the words he embraced as a sign that he couldn’t be loved, they’re gone now.

Gone, and so is the lie that no one loves him, and gone are the words, presumably, that have caused Jimin’s life to be hell.

And as fate would have it, while Jungkook’s fingers graze the lettering of his words, the nurse moves aside to let Jimin through. Jungkook meets his eyes in the mirror. “I hope what I said this time wasn’t as bad as the first.”

Jimin smiles at him. “It wasn’t.”

“What was it?”

 Jimin comes over to help him back to the bed, but not before pressing a firm kiss to his lips. “A promise.”

Jungkook feels his throat close up. "A promise," he echoes. "What kind of promise?"

"That you'll heal. That we'll heal."

Jungkook finds that for the first time, he can hold Jimin's gaze without hiding how he feels. And that he can see the same emotion reflected back at him. "No more secrets," he whispers. "No truth untold."

Jimin holds out his hand, pinky raised, and Jungkook locks his around it. A promise. "No truth untold."

Chapter Text

Three months after

It’s been rough.

Very rough.

Lots of highs and lows, lots of progress and lots of setbacks. There are days when Jungkook feels strong and positive, and other days where he’s in a really bad mindset. Hopeless. Frustrated. Feeling like he’s a burden. Scared he’ll never heal right, worried he won’t ever be able to perform. On top of not being able to work, he has hospital bills to pay, tuition to save up for, and to add salt to the wound, he can’t dance. That’s probably the worst part. And he somehow has to pass last semester’s finals before the end of the summer before starting this upcoming semester. And he has to balance the beginnings of being in a relationship. Not that they’ve really given it a label other than “soulmates” but it’s hard to focus on that situation when Jimin is constantly babying him. They’ve discussed things: the truth, honesty, hurting each other, everything. It didn’t have an easy start. Jimin needed some space, Jungkook needed some space, and they both needed a bit of therapy to be able to cope with the emotional burden that they’ve fed each other through the soulmate connection.

So yeah. It’s been fucking rough.

But the new semester starts in three weeks, Jungkook is off the crutches and now in a knee brace, he somehow, miraculously, passed his classes, and now the seven of them are in a van on their way to the beach to celebrate hyungs’ graduation.

It’s less exciting than it sounds, really. Namjoon and Jin sit in the front like the dutiful parents they are, and while Jin drives, Namjoon has a long-winded discussion with Hoseok about philosophy and law that Jungkook just knows Hoseok barely understands.

The five of them are crammed in the back with the luggage, on the floor. No seatbelts. No seats. Taehyung has already threatened to throw Jungkook out of the car for taking up all the leg room despite Jungkook’s protests of having an actual fucking injured knee, and Yoongi might’ve accidentally kicked Hoseok in the crotch, and Jimin is four seconds away from curling up in a fetal position away from everyone.

It’s the highlight of Jungkook’s summer.

“Hyung,” Jimin says, looking at Yoongi with the most mischievous grin, “do you want to hear about the time Taehyung broke a toilet when we were sixteen?”

Taehyung, head resting on Yoongi’s shoulder, perks up. “Oh my God, Jimin, no.”

Jungkook is interested now.

Yoongi cocks his head. “Do tell.”

Taehyung sends one last pleading look to Jimin, and Jungkook nearly laughs. “Don’t you dare, Park Jimin.”

“Do dare, Park Jimin,” Jungkook says, earning a similar shit-eating smile. It makes his heart flutter a little and he wonders if he’ll ever not get butterflies when Jimin smiles at him.

“Do you remember when there was drama at school because someone completely ruined one of the toilets in the bathroom? Tore it from the pipes and knocked it over?” When Jungkook nods, Jimin continues, “That was Tae.”

“That was supposed to follow me to my grave,” Taehyung wails, and Yoongi gawks at him like the thought of Taehyung breaking a whole toilet is surprising.

“How the fuck,” Yoongi says, “do you knock a toilet over.”

“By standing on it while the bolts are already loose.” The smugness on Jimin’s face makes Jungkook laugh. The blatant attempt to slander Taehyung’s name. For shame.

“That’s okay. That’s fine. Jungkook-ah,” Taehyung addresses him suddenly, “would you like to see this cool compilation I made of Jimin being an absolute clumsy fuck? There’s a video I caught of him kicking himself in the head and knocking himself over.”

“Yes,” Jungkook says, leaning forward to see Tae’s phone as Jimin pulls on his arm and yells about how unfair that is. “Jimin, I don’t think I’ll be able to heal fully until I see this for myself.”

And boy, does it live up to expectations. He knows Jimin’s flexible but how he manages to kick himself in the face and off a chair he’ll never understand.

So that’s how this war starts, the two pairs of lifelong friends embarrassing the other to their soulmates, which soon turns into the seven of them clowning the ever-loving fuck out of each other, because everyone has at least one good embarrassing story about someone in the van. They make it to the beach with laughter spilling out the windows, like the past year hasn’t been a disaster for basically all of them.

It’s perfect.

Jungkook hobbles out of the van between Yoongi and Jimin, careful not to drop all his weight onto his bad knee. The sun feels nice, along with the crisp, salty air, and the seven of them disperse to do their various activities.

Jungkook stands close to the water, his fingers fidgeting with the little container of dried roses Jimin gave him all those months ago, closing his eyes as the waves gently lap at his feet. It feels nice. He hasn’t been to the beach since before he was a teenager, when Yoongi’s family used to bring him out here during the times his parents would allow it. Jungkook only opens his eyes again when he feels a soft hand slide into his. “Hey, Jiminie.”

“I’m older than you, show some respect.”

Jungkook taps a finger to Jimin’s nose. “Hey, bitch.”

Jimin just rolls his eyes, and the two of them stand there, together, watching as the water rolls in and as their friends bustle about acting like the chaotic idiots they are, trying to set up umbrellas and towels and the works.

Jimin notices what he holds in his hands, then. “You still have that?”

Jungkook hardly notices it at this point, it’s become such a habit. “Why wouldn’t I have it?”

Jimin takes Jungkook’s fingers, still clutching the container, and brings them to his lips. Jungkook feels his heart swell as he drags his fingers down Jimin’s jawline.

I’m simping so hard.

“Should we help them?” Jungkook says after he sees Jin chase Namjoon away from the umbrellas he knocked over.

“In a minute,” Jimin answers, as he slides his arm around Jungkook’s waist and pulls him closer. “I just want to stand here with you for a bit.”

Jungkook has the urge to kiss his forehead, and so he does, because he can.

And for the rest of his life, as long as it may be, he will never again make his love for Jimin a secret.

They don’t make a big deal about being soulmates. They just let it fall into place naturally, just as naturally as they fell in love. The big deal was already made, when the hellish ride it took for them to make it to where they are.

They’re just soulmates. They’re just Jimin and Jungkook.

***

Jimin thinks the beach was the best possible experience for their friend group. Like a reset button. Like that light at the end of the tunnel he so desperately reached for. And being there with Jungkook, completely free to finally feel things, to share those feelings, everything, that was liberating, however scary it may be.

Because it is, if he’s being honest. He’s scared of the thought, of soulmates. He isn’t sure what he thought the truth would be, maybe some beautiful, great thing, but it didn’t undo all his fear. It’s naïve to expect it would, and yet he did.

He’s working on it. It’s all worth it, for Jungkook. That much he knows.

It’s a hot evening in Busan. Everyone went back to Seoul after the beach, but he and Jungkook stayed to visit Jimin’s parents an extra day before the semester starts. They’re inside watching a movie right now, Jungkook and Jimin’s parents, but Jimin is out on the balcony absolutely consumed by his toxic thoughts. As always.

They don’t know yet. Jimin hasn’t told his parents the truth, even though it’s killing him not to. Secrets have done nothing but hurt them all, and yet.

He’s so goddamn afraid.

He doesn’t know what it means to be in a relationship. He doesn’t remember ever having the desire to, not in a normal, healthy way. He doesn’t know how to process loving Jungkook, wanting to kiss him when he smiles, the burn he feels when he just wants him. It’s just such a big thing.

Jimin doesn’t hear when Jungkook steps out to join him. So when he speaks, Jimin jolts. “Do you want some company?”

Jimin looks up to see Jungkook’s brown doe eyes, wide with concern. There’s just something about him that makes Jimin feel so at ease, so safe, regardless of everything. “You didn’t have to leave the movie.”

“It ended.”

Jimin sighs. He’s been out here longer than he thought. His parents probably think he’s having a moment. I need some air likely wasn’t the most comforting reason for stepping outside.

Jungkook sits down beside him carefully, aware of the small space to stretch his injured leg out, aware of Jimin’s personal space. He seems afraid, too. They’re both just so nervous about this.

So Jimin scoots closer to him and does what any reasonable person would do: he snuggles. Jungkook breathes out all his anxieties then. “Do you want to talk about an-”

“I love you, Jungkook.”

Maybe time stops. Who knows. Jimin looks up at his face, shadowed by the evening sunset. He’s fucking beautiful and sometimes Jimin really doesn’t know how to be anything but completely mesmerized. But Jungkook looks off. He looks sad. “Say it again. Please.”

And Jimin does. It doesn’t matter if he’s afraid of this, or afraid of soulmates and love and promises. It shouldn’t matter, because when it all boils down to it, Jimin knows how he feels. “I love you.”

The smallest of smiles crosses Jungkook’s lips. “I love you, too.”

“I want to be soulmates. I want to be yours, and I want you to be mine.” Jimin isn’t sure where this is coming from. He just knows it’s true.

After all, the only way to get over your fear is to face it, right?

Jungkook brushes Jimin’s hair away from his eyes, gently, like a ghost’s touch. “I am yours, Jimin. I’ve always been yours.”

“Mine,” he echoes. “My soulmate.”

“Your soulmate.”

“My boyfriend?” Jimin can feel the way Jungkook tenses in surprise. “Going on dates and celebrating anniversaries and holding hands in public and everything else?”

There are many responses that could’ve come with that kind of question. He wasn’t expecting Jungkook to laugh. “Jimin, are you asking me out?”

Jimin huffs, and Jungkook laughs harder. “I’m trying to. I’m awkward.”

This was a mistake. Jungkook is giggling. Jimin feels his face start to burn, goddamn it.

But he’s also starting to grin, because Jungkook’s joy is contagious, as it always is. He pokes Jungkook’s side, which causes him to erupt into loud cackles, and Jimin is just so, so in love. “Be my boyfriend, Jungkookie. I’m ready for the labels. I’m ready for everything. The good and the bad and the scary.”

“You’re sure?” You’re sure you want me? Jimin hears the unspoken question, the insecurity in his voice.

He’s tired of this, truly. All these bad emotions. It’s over. It’s all fucking over. He’s done with it.

Maybe the universe didn’t want this horrible love story for them. It put them together, after all, it decided Jimin was Jungkook’s perfect match, and vice versa.

It was never the universe that fucked things up for them. It was people. It was Seonjae, it was the school, it was Jimin’s anger and Jungkook’s self-hatred.

The universe gave them each other. And at the very least, it gave them another chance.

“Yes, I’m sure. Are you?”

Jungkook kisses him, then. Jimin thinks he’ll never get tired of that, or the warm feeling he gets from it. “I’m sure.”

“Let’s go back inside.” Jimin stands up and helps Jungkook rise to his feet. It’s a bit of a challenge, but they manage, and then they’re  back inside his dad’s office. The TV downstairs is still on, and his parents’ voices carry upstairs.

The sudden need to go and tell them causes Jimin to drag Jungkook down the steps in a hurry – or as much of a hurry as he can when Jungkook walks as slow as he does – where he rounds the corner and stands in front of the couch, probably looking frantic.

“You okay, kiddo?” his father says with a brow raised. “You missed half the movie.”

“I have something I need to tell you guys,” Jimin starts. His eyes flick to his mother’s, and it’s almost like she just knows. Fuck, she probably does. She knew before all of them because she has half her wits about her. “It’s important.”

His father sits up straight. The concern on his face makes Jimin feel guilty, because maybe he’s being dramatic and maybe he really does look too serious right now.

“I know it’s a complicated story and I’ll explain it all, but…” God, here it goes. “Jungkookie’s my soulmate. We’ve been soulmates since high school.”

His dad blinks at him. At him, and at Jungkook, and then finally at Jimin’s mother. Neither of them say anything, and oh God, Jimin feels nauseous. There’s no chance they would reject Jungkook, or disapprove. They love him. It’s like Taehyung, Jungkook’s their third child at this point. But. But they aren’t saying anything.

Until Jimin’s father sighs heavily and reaches for something on the coffee table – his wallet. He brings out – Jesus Christ – a 50,000 won bill and hands it to his mother.

“What,” Jimin says.

“One more, dear, don’t be cheap,” his mother replies.

And so his dad forks out another.

“Oh my God,” Jungkook mutters.

“What,” Jimin repeats.

“We know, honey,” his mother tells him. She smiles. “We’ve known for a while. Or well, I did. I think your father thought you weren’t that dense.”

Jimin’s jaw drops. Jungkook is wheezing.

“Why don’t you tell us that story now, I’m flabbergasted,” his father says, patting the empty spot on the couch. Jimin drops onto it wordlessly, and Jungkook follows.

But his mother grabs Jungkook’s hand. “Sweetheart, we’re glad you’re part of our family.”

Jungkook chokes up, Jimin can tell. He swallows down hard so he can respond. “I am too.”

And it hurts Jimin’s heart to hear him say it so sadly. Jungkook takes a seat beside him, and when Jimin scoops his hand, it’s shaking.

Jimin tells the story. He lays it all out there, all of it, to his parents, to Jungkook. Jungkook gives his side, his past with his parents, his burdens of dealing with it, everything.

Everything.

His mother is teary-eyed, his father is solemn, as Jungkook and Jimin speak. It’s hard to hear, it’s hard to say.

But it’s the start they all needed.

***

Breakfast the next morning before they head home is a sort of bliss Jungkook could’ve only ever dreamed of having. Cracking jokes, laughing, telling stories with a family, with his soulmate. He never thought having Jimin chuck a strawberry at his forehead and his mom scolding him with amusement would make his entire heart swell.

And yet, here they are. Here he is. Wanted. Loved.

Loved. Loved so much it brought him back to life in more ways than one.

Jungkook feels real.

He scoops a mouthful of berries and oatmeal into his mouth, listening to Jimin’s father read some comic from the newspaper in front of him, one he finds so funny that he struggles to get it out through a fit of laughter.

“Oh my God,” Jimin’s mother mutters under her breath. And then, louder. “Oh my God. Jimin?”

“Hmm?” he hums without looking up from his phone, scrolling through some Webtoon.

“What was the name of that boy you said gave you guys hell? Jungkookie, your cousin, I believe you said?”

While his stomach flips at the thought, he also gets a strangely warm feeling at being addressed so affectionately. “Jeon Seonjae?” he answers, concerned with this new conversation.

“Oh my God,” she mutters again, staring at the phone in her hand. It’s enough that all of them are staring at her, waiting for her to say her piece. It’s an anxious, tense silence before she finally looks up at them and says, “He’s in prison.”

Jimin chokes on his oatmeal. “What now?”

“Prison. For possession and intent to distribute.” She flicks through her phone screen. “Just found guilty.”

Jungkook blinks. All eyes flash to him, to see his reaction, and he just doesn’t emote at first. The words have to play in his brain a few more times – prison, prison, prison – before it really clicks into place. “Holy shit.”

Jimin looks at him, eyes wide with shock. Maybe excitement? Who knows. Jungkook is sure his face reflects the same emotion.

And they both laugh. And laugh, and laugh, and God does it feel good. It feels like justice, for everything he put them both through. For the blackmailing and threats he held over Jungkook’s head just long enough to get what he needed. For ruining his life, ruining Jimin’s life, every goddamn thing has come full circle. Jungkook is lightheaded with giddiness.

It feels like maybe the universe is starting to give a damn.

***

Three months and another week after

“who needs therapy when this group chat is free”

Jin [09:12] guys omg guess what

TaeTae<3 [09:14] did u get a role in a big movie??????

UrHope [09:15] Namjoonie managed to cook w/o burning down the house?

KookieMonster [09:15] ur getting married

Jin [09:16] no u guys suck at guessing and wdym we’re already married

joonie [09:16] that’s funny lol

Jin [09:17] no ok so I had to go back to see my old advisor bc we’re in the middle of discussing this contract thing, and she told me some news

ChimChim<3 [09:18] out with it hyung

UrHope [09:18] yes whats the news tell me now

Kookie Monster [09:18] the suspense is killing me

TaeTae<3 [09:18] did u get a role in a big movie?????????????????

Jin [09:19] no taehyung

Jin [09:19] chanyeol was expelled

Jin [09:19] someone reported him for the soulmark abuse thing

Jin [09:19] and the uni came down HARD on his ass

Jin [09:20] so im here to figure out who snitched so I can kiss them

TaeTae<3 [09:21] …….

UrHope [09:21] …

joonie [09:21] :D

ChimChim<3 [09:22] ………….

KookieMonster [09:22] ……..yoongi

UrHope [09:22] yoongi

joonie [09:23] probably yoongi

TaeTae<3 [09:23] yoongi…

ChimChim<3 [09:23] …yoongi…

Jin [09:24] @minsuga??

minsuga [09:25] :)

TaeTae<3 [09:25] ……………………………………………

ChimChim<3 [09:25] ………………………

KookieMonster [09:25] …

joonie [09:25] :O

UrHope [09:25] ……..

Jin [09:26] good lord

minsuga [09:26] I also slugged him in the jaw

TaeTae<3 [09:26] god u turn me on

Jin [09:27] pg, taehyung, keep it pg

ChimChim<3 [09:27] so did u also report Seonjae to the police bc he’s in prison rn

TaeTae<3 [09:27] ………………………………………………………

UrHope [09:27] ………………………

joonie [09:27] :O :O :D

minsuga [09:28] …what

KookieMonster [09:28] karma feels so good

UrHope [09:29] hyung I think now is the perfect time to tell them what we’ve been up to

Jin [09:29] oh god, oh no. are we about to witness a murder confession?

minsuga [09:29] you right, you right

Jin [09:30] wHAT

Jin [09:31] seok you’ve been typing for TOO LONG EXPLAIN YOURSELF

UrHope [09:32] ok so. it’s been a long, long work in progress, and I think we’re all done with keeping big secrets from each other, but yoongi and I have been working on something really big.

joonie [09:32] oh this thing!

ChimChim<3 [09:32] u guys are giving me anxiety

KookieMonster [09:32] ^^^

minsuga [09:33] I killed no one

Jin [09:33] Hoseok TYPE QUICKER

UrHope [09:34] we didn’t kill anyone. and this is still ongoing and shit, but we’ve been working with the university since like January or so to develop a policy, us and my support group members

minsuga [09:35] Hoseok. A law. We’re trying to get a law passed.

UrHope [09:35] yes yoongi I was getting there

UrHope [09:35] a law to make it illegal for anyone to use someone’s soulmark for manipulation, blackmail, or extortion purposes

minsuga [09:36] and its going very far, there’s like no hesitation at any level

UrHope [09:36] we’re almost there

UrHope [09:38] you guys are oddly quiet

Jin [09:38] I’m in shock. My children are doing such good in the world, I could cry

ChimChim<3 [09:38] I may already be crying

KookieMonster [09:38] ^^^^^^^

TaeTae<3 [09:38] yoongi that is SO hot

minsuga [09:38] thank you babe

Jin [09:39] BABE

UrHope [09:39] joon has helped a lot too, he got us started

ChimChim<3 [09:40] u guys are the best

minsuga [09:40] well when you have to deal with jungkook’s moping for like three years

minsuga [09:40] I’ve decided to make it illegal

KookieMonster [09:41] :’)

***

Four months after

It takes three weeks of the new semester before Jungkook is fucking frustrated. He’s dance-forbidden for about another month, so most of the classes he has now are just general electives and required classes for his vocal performance major, and he’s going to kill something. There’s a hold on his major right now in terms of progress because he can’t do the second part of his lab. He can’t mentor. He can’t practice. The best he can do is suffer through physical therapy and even after he’s out of his brace, he’s barely allowed to do more than walk to and from class.

Needless to say, he’s cranky. Very cranky. But he tries to push through.

Luckily the weekend rolls around and he can relax with his friends. And most importantly, Jimin. He’s been the most patient out of the six of them when it comes to dealing with Jungkook’s sudden bursts of anger. Or maybe it’s just because when Jungkook is around him, emotional regulation comes a lot easier. It’s a thing they’re both working on with each other, suggested by both of their therapists, and it’s working amazingly.

Regardless, Jungkook leaves class Friday evening and slumps into Jimin’s car, properly pissed and subtly craving a drink. Which is another damn thing he can’t go near, for his own sanity and because his friends won’t let him.

“Hey, you,” Jimin says in that soft, pretty voice of his. The one that immediately douses the worst of the fire in him, but not all the way because it’s been a rough day.

“Hi,” Jungkook responds, and that’s all.

“You okay?”

“No,” he says. “Today was ass.” And he starts ranting and complaining and all those good things he tries not to keep bottled up. “I’m just a fucking mess and I can’t do anything right now. I’m completely useless”

When he’s done, Jimin threads his fingers through Jungkook’s hair. Jungkook closes his eyes; it’s soothing. “You’re doing really well in your physical therapy and your doctor says within another month or so you can go back to dancing. And by next semester, you’ll be back to where you need to be. Just one step at a time.”

“I’m tired of one step at a time! I don’t take baby steps, I just want to jump back into it.” It’s irrational to be complaining. It’s not going to speed up the process. His knee isn’t going to think ah yes, he’s bitching again, let’s heal. Jungkook sighs. “I’m sorry, I don’t want to ruin our night already. It’s just so hard to manage.”

“I know it is, but I promise you’re doing great. Don’t apologize. Hey,” Jungkook looks over at him, “do you trust me?”

Confused by the question, Jungkook just nods.

“Then trust me when I say it’ll get better. And you’ll be back to a fully functioning body.”

Jungkook grumbles. “I’ll show you a fully functioning body.”

“Is that a threat, Jungkookie? Did you just threaten your hyung? Or can it be a promise?”

His face burns. “Ah.” Fuck.

“You can show me that fully functioning body later,” Jimin says, unfazed, “but right now, we have a date.”

And then Jimin hands him something.

“Wait.” Jungkook inspects it, and it’s a ticket. A- “Wait, Jimin, didn’t we miss the performance? It was right after the accident.”

“I sold those. I knew we wouldn’t make it. So I sold them and bought these, for the late summer performance.” Jimin looks so hopeful and so shy and just so pretty, Jesus fucking Christ. “Do you want to go with me?”

So even after all the mess and drama and near death, Jimin still clung to the idea of going to the Swan Lake performance with Jungkook. Not sure if he’d live, not sure how they’d be afterwards. In all the chaos and heartache, Jimin still found a way to keep their date. It mattered enough to him.

Jungkook’s eyes are misty. He tries not to cry, but it’s been such a long day and an emotional one at that, and God does he love Jimin, and that shit tears out of him.

Jimin doesn’t say anything about it. He just slides an arm awkwardly around Jungkook’s shoulder over the console of his car and draws him as close as he can until he’s calmer. Until he can get all the thoughts and feelings that are ravaging him out.

Who would’ve thought that the thing to break him out of everything today would be those goddamn tickets.

“Alright,” Jungkook sniffs, dragging his palms across his eyes to wipe away any evidence of the temporary mental collapse he just had. “Let’s go watch some ballet.”

Jimin presses a kiss to his temple, and Jungkook catches his face in his hand and kisses his lips. It’s becoming so natural, these little forms of intimacy, and Jungkook craves it. Especially when Jimin smiles like Jungkook just handed him the world. “Let’s go watch some ballet.”

***

Seven months and two weeks after

Jimin and Yoongi switch roommates.

It’s simple, really. An obvious choice. Yeah, maybe it’s a quick thing, but for the past year Taehyung has spent more time at Yoongi’s place and Jungkook at Jimin’s, and so, they switch off their leases.

It’s moving fast for Jungkook and Jimin, and yet it’s the greatest thing they’ve done. Because they fall into an easy routine, an easy domestic vibe, so quickly. They have their own rooms, for those days where personal space is a must for the recovery they both have, but most nights are spent in Jimin’s bed.

Once those barriers came down, it just feels so natural.

Grocery shopping, splitting the chores, things he used to do with Taehyung as roommates he’s now doing with his soulmate. They complain at each other, make each other breakfast, pick each other up from work, go on dates, don’t go on dates, watch movies in theaters and watch them at home, they take turns with the chores, Jungkook hates doing laundry, Jimin hates doing the dishes. They fight over the TV remote, they piss each other off, they never go to bed angry, they always talk out their problems.

They’re so in love.

Jimin can’t help thinking this is how euphoria is supposed to feel.

***

Eight months and three weeks after

There are bad days.

Really, really fucking bad days.

Days that challenge them, push them to make choices that have no precedent and no warning. Days where Jimin goes quiet and distances himself because of an overwhelming fear he can’t control. Days where he shuts himself in his room and doesn’t come out until 24 hours have passed, on a better day. Sometimes Jungkook doesn’t see him for more than 48.

Sometimes Jungkook relapses.

The knee brace is gone and he’s almost entirely mobile again. He’s still taking things lightly enough that by next semester he’ll be back to dancing, back to his passions. But it doesn’t mean the pain isn’t there. The stiff joints. The awkward pressure of the metal holding his leg together.

Because his knee does hurt some days. There’s always going to be a threat that it’ll take away his dreams, and even though his doctor tells him that his recovery process is beyond brilliant, the crippling terror that he’ll once again be kept from what he loves takes a toll on him.

It takes eight months before Jungkook collapses into another spiral. Another dark mindset. Another wave of self-destruction. The alcohol almost finds its way to him of its own accord, like a seduction that can’t resist him and not the other way around.

He wanders the streets again, mindless as ever, his vision just as blissfully clouded as his mind.

It won’t last. It never lasts.

And by the time his knee starts aching so badly that he can’t even make it into their apartment complex, by the time the rain starts pouring and the flashbacks of tires skidding start and the lies the alcohol feeds him about being so much of a burden that everything he loves will disappear, he’s falling. Falling against the brick wall of the building, drenched, hurting, sobbing because he can’t stand on his leg and because his brain is throwing him under another out of control vehicle.

Everything is shattering in that moment.

Jungkook doesn’t remember dragging his phone out of his pocket. Doesn’t remember texting or calling or whatever it was he did to get Jimin’s attention. And maybe he didn’t. Maybe Jimin found him all on his own. All he knows is that the rain drowns and drowns and drowns him, until suddenly he’s latching onto Jimin’s jacket and dragging him down too, like he always does.

Jimin’s hands are holding him up, tightly. The words of comfort that Jungkook hears only half register, because none of it matters.

“Of course it matters,” Jimin says, and only then does Jungkook realize he’s babbling out loud through the godawful wreckage that is his voice. “You matter, Jungkook. We matter.”

“I can’t give you what you need, Jimin, I can’t be what you need,” he wails. It’s ridiculous, even in his own mind, but he’s so scared of losing this beautiful thing he’s been given. “I’m a fucking burden, and it’s not fair.” And then, much quieter, much more vulnerable, “What if the universe takes you from me? I don’t want you to go, I don’t want to lose you.”

“I don’t care about the fucking universe, Jungkook,” Jimin snaps. “Nothing is taking you from me, and I’m not going anywhere.”

And maybe that’s what gets through in that moment.

I don’t care about fate. I’m not going anywhere.

Those promises.

Or maybe. Maybe it’s the soft cries he hears coming from around the corner. The soft, scared, desperate cries, nearly deafened by the rain.

They both go quiet for a second, listening. Jungkook is too dazed to make out what he’s hearing, but Jimin jumps to his feet in a hurry and disappears around the corner. “Oh my God.”

And when he returns, there in his hands as he tries to shield it from the still-coming rain, is a kitten.

That’s about where Jungkook’s brain decides to shut down for the evening, but nonetheless, when he wakes up the next morning with a violent headache and his leg aching, he’s dry, asleep in their bed with a cold compress on his knee.

And one hideous cat sitting on his chest.

“What-” Jungkook starts to rise, and the kitten lifts its head at him, annoyed to be awake. “Who the hell is you?”

“It’s a girl,” Jimin says, popping his head in the door with a toothbrush in his hand. “Had to do some research, but it’s a girl.”

She lets out a scratchy meow in agreement, and Jungkook thinks that may have been the moment he fell in love with her, this hopeless little thing they found in the rain, scared, alone. She’s a calico, and her eyes are a dark yellow, and she walks with a slight limp in her back left leg, and Jungkook loves her.

Jimin and Jungkook have that uncomfortable talk soon after, because they can’t just ignore what happened. Jungkook fucked up again.

When Jungkook schedules an emergency therapy session later that evening, his therapist tells him that the universe gives people signs sometimes. He thinks she may have been a sign.

When she’s cleared by the vet within the next week, they decide to keep her. And since both of them are wildly uncreative sometimes, she’s named Kit-Kat. Kat for short.

Kat will never walk normal on that leg. She’ll never grow out of looking like she crawled out of a dumpster. She’s not perfect, and to Jungkook and Jimin, that makes her incredible.

Jungkook learns that he can be damaged and still worthy of love. He’s known that, but on his darkest days when it’s the hardest thing in the world to believe, being with Jimin and their ugly, patchy, gimpy cat somehow makes him believe.

***

Ten and a half months after

Yoongi hasn’t worked at the record store since he graduated. Almost immediately, before he even held his diploma in his hand, one of the bigger companies in Seoul offered him a paid internship.

And since then, that paid internship position, his talent and recommendations and portfolio work, all of that has dragged him up the ladder within no time.

Then they found out he could rap.

And then, because Yoongi is the best hyung, they found out that Jungkook could sing and dance and write songs, and now, halfway through Jungkook’s second year of college, he’s the one interning under Yoongi’s mentorship.

Unpaid. But, it’s a step in all the directions Jungkook wants to be walking towards.

The pain doesn’t bother him anymore as he dances. There’s a slight tightness that he isn’t sure will ever go away, but now, he can dance around it just as well as he could’ve before the accident. And it makes him feel whole again, being in control of his movements. All he had to do was learn how.

He can dance with Jimin again. That’s one of the best perks, he thinks, because dancing with Jimin is a new emotion, a new language now.

Now that the truth is out.

Classes rarely overlap for them since they’ve entered second and third year, but they always make studio time together. Like this Friday evening, they’re cramming in their required studio hours together as they always do, and Jungkook couldn’t feel more at peace if he tried.

Or, well. Until Jimin starts being Jimin, that is, because holy fuck.

And Jungkook’s allowed to be obnoxious and watch him. He doesn’t have to hide.

Which is great because dear God, he can’t. He never can. Jimin moves like water, like fluid. Like physics and gravity obey to him and not their own laws, and it’s incredible.

Jungkook’s so into it. Shit, he’s so hot.

Jimin doesn’t notice until he catches a glimpse in the mirror and Jungkook isn’t moving. He thinks maybe Jimin’s going to ask what’s wrong, or ask if he’s okay, needs a break, if his knee is hurting, all kinds of cute boyfriend concerns – Jimin is his boyfriend, fucking hell – but no.

No. Instead, Jimin smirks and Jungkook wants to kiss it off his stupid face. “See something you like?”

Needless to say, Jungkook’s face flushes. He sputters and shakes his head, turning the music up and ignoring Jimin’s scathing look. Because yeah, he knows he looks good dancing too. It’s one of the most ego-boosting things he could do, and knowing Jimin is also looking at him the same way he’d been looking? It’s powerful. It burns him alive.

So he spins around right up in Jimin’s face, catching him way off guard, and grabs his waist. “See something you like, hyung?”

It looks like Jimin might laugh it off and shove him away, just a playful moment between them like flirting always is.

But no, there’s too much of a fire in Jimin’s eyes, they’re too dark to be amused.

Oh.

And so Jungkook kisses him, because what else is he reasonably supposed to do, and from the way Jimin reacts, it was probably the right choice. The way Jimin growls against his mouth and clutches hard at his shoulders…

Jungkook wants. God, does he want. He hasn’t kissed him like this since the party, since the night everything went to shit for a while.

And now? Now Jimin is his.

Without warning, Jungkook shamelessly grabs the back of Jimin’s thighs, right under his ass, and lifts him up. Jimin gasps as his back comes in contact with the glass of the mirror – maybe Jungkook was a bit rough about it – and he wraps his legs around Jungkook’s waist, grabbing at his hair and tugging hard enough that Jungkook’s head dips back and he moans.

It feels like ecstasy, the way Jimin’s touch scorches his skin, like the threat of an inferno. He wants it, he wants to feel it so badly, and the soft pressure of Jimin’s lips on his neck as his fingers dig into his back, the strength in his thighs as he holds himself up on Jungkook’s hips, fuck, fuck, his breath fogs the mirror, and it almost makes him collapse, it almost-

Oh God, the way Jimin drags his mouth across Jungkook’s jawline.

Shit-

The shrill ring of Jimin’s phone is what snaps him back to reality. “Motherfucker.”

They stand there for a second, and he knows Jimin considers ignoring it. It rings and rings until it doesn’t anymore, and they still just stand there, inches apart, and Jungkook considers going back in.

But then it rings again. And this time, with a very frustrated sign, he lets Jimin drop down.

Whoever it is better be dying, is all he’s saying.

As Jimin answers the call – oh, nice, a FaceTime call – he slumps against the mirror.

That was a lot. Even just that, more than the party, whatever it was. It was a lot.

Jungkook breathes out hard. His mind is buzzing.

“What? No, Tae, we’re at dance practice. No, it’s just pract – what, no.” Jimin’s face burns a truly beautiful shade of red. He scratches at his hair awkwardly, and when he meets Jungkook’s eyes, his face somehow turns even redder. Amazing. “It’s dance practice, what the fuck do you need?”

If Taehyung isn’t dying, he will be soon, Jungkook’s decided. Another heavy breath escapes his lungs. This soulmate bond isn’t a fucking joke, goddamn.

“Yeah, alright, we’ll be there.” And with that, Jimin hangs up before Taehyung could possibly get any other word in. “Tae wants us to come to Jin-hyung’s tonight. He has some news.”

“He could text us,” Jungkook responds bitterly.

The little upward quirk of Jimin’s lips make him tremble. “Got other plans, Jungkookie?”

“Maybe I do.” Jimin’s teasing him. That’s what’s happening, right? He’s riling him up again.

“Wow, so cocky,” Jimin shakes his head.

“I can show you how cocky I am in bed later.”

Okay, even that one startled Jungkook. He feels his cheeks heat up, just as much as Jimin’s did mere seconds ago. That was brave.

Maybe too much. “I’m sorry, if that’s overstepping-”

Jimin responds by walking over and gracefully lowering himself into Jungkook’s lap, straddling him and pressing him back against the mirror. He dips closer to Jungkook’s ear and, holy God, he pushes his hips down into Jungkook’s, and his lungs forget how to work. “Then show me, big boy. Or is that all talk?”

Jungkook stammers out a few undecipherable words about needing to leave to see Jin-hyung, maybe Namjoon, he can’t remember who has news, but regardless, Jimin laughs at him before pecking a kiss to his cheek and rising to his feet just as gracefully as he sat down. Everything about Jimin is graceful, mostly, but Jungkook is a spluttering mess.

As they leave the studio and clock their hours, Jungkook just can’t help feeling lucky to have someone like Jimin, who loves him like this no matter how fucked up Jungkook is.

***

Ten and a half months after, that evening

ChimChim<3 [20:40] CODE RED CODE RED

ChimChim<3 [20:40] im freaking the fuck out what do I do I think we’re both ready

ChimChim<3 [20:44] TAEHYUNG ANSWER ME I NEED ADVICE

TaeTae<3 [20:46] OMG CHIM

TaeTae<3 [20:46] I FUCKING KNEW IT YOU GUYS WERE GETTING SPICY IN THE DANCE STUDIO

TaeTae<3 [20:46] ok ok first of all r u a top or bottom

ChimChim<3 [20:47] DO I LOOK LIKE A FUCKING TOP COMPARED TO JUNGKOOK

TaeTae<3 [20:47] WELL NOW I DON’T HAVE ADVICE FOR YOU I’M A TOP

ChimChim<3 [20:48] HYUNG’S A BOTTOM???

TaeTae<3 [20:48] YES HAVE YOU SEEN HIM

ChimChim<3 [20:49] IM FUCKING WHEEZING

TaeTae<3 [20:50] do u want me to ask yoongi for you

ChimChim<3 [20:50] jesus christ NO that’s basically his CHILD I want to fuck

TaeTae<3 [20:50] so do you wanna fuck him or do you want him to fuck you???????

ChimChim<3 [20:50] TAE T_T

TaeTae<3 [20:51] GOOD LUCK HAHA

***

When Jimin and Jungkook arrive at Jin’s house, Jimin just knows some big shit is up by how set the dinner table is and the quality of the wine.

“Who fucking died,” Jungkook mutters under his breath, and Jimin starts thinking the same thing. Not that their hyung doesn’t baby them from time to time, but they were already warned that he had news, so this display of his love language is alarming.

Namjoon is sitting in the living room when they kick off their shoes, along with Hoseok. Jin banned them both from the kitchen and the dining room for now, so they watch TV instead.

Jimin and Jungkook barely have time to take their seats on the couch before Taehyung comes barreling through the door, Yoongi in tow. “What the fuck is up losers,” he says lovingly, dropping down on Jimin’s lap hard enough to make him grunt.

Yoongi fist bumps Jungkook. Jimin wonders what it’s like to have such an unceremonious greeting with your best friend, because he could never relate.

“So how was ‘dance practice’?” Taehyung says to Jimin with air quotes, voice low enough that no one else hears and so Jimin can’t reasonably explain why his face reddens yet again.

He has half the mind to toss Taehyung from his lap. “It was fine. Just working on some practice moves for studio time.”

“Studio time,” Taehyung hums. “I love the new slang for ‘fucking,’ don’t you?”

Jimin tickles him, taking great, sadistic pleasure in Taehyung’s wild cackling and pleas to stop.

“Dinner’s ready!” Jin calls from the kitchen. “Help me set the table, peasants.”

“Guests,” Namjoon responds. “I believe the term you’re looking for is guests.”

“Friends could work too,” Yoongi adds.

The seven of them scramble around the table, bringing out an actual four course meal even though it’s going on ten at night. Jimin isn’t convinced Jin’s going to tell them good news after this big show.

“Good lord, hyung, there’s dessert and everything,” Hoseok says as they take their seats. Jimin, of course, is stuck between Jungkook and Taehyung as he always is, stuck between their weird ass conversations.

It’s the same chaotic mess they deal with whenever the seven of them are together. Jimin loves it more than he could ever express.

“Dig in,” Jin says, sweeping his hand in a grand gesture over the table. “Taehyung, you could’ve waited three more seconds.”

Taehyung, a roll in his mouth already, grins cheekily. “Hungry hungry.”

Jimin will never be tired of Jin’s cooking. If he ever says he is, something is gravely wrong. He brings some noodles up to his lips, mouth watering like a motherfucker.

Only to pause slightly when he feels Jungkook’s hand on his thigh.

It’s not a threat. Eat your noodles. Eat your fucking noodles, Jimin.

Jungkook squeezes ever so slightly.

It might be a threat.

“How’s your granddad, hyung?” Jungkook asks Jin calmly, like his palm isn’t burning through Jimin’s jeans clear to the skin.

Jin raises a brow. “He’s fine?”

“Then who died,” Yoongi follows. He’s barely eaten a spoonful before he’s pouring himself a glass of wine. Jimin doesn’t blame him. Maybe he should pour some too.

“No one. It’s good news.”

“Out with it then,” Tae says, waving his chopsticks.

“Alright,” Jin sighs. “I’m just ripping the Band-Aid off.” He pauses and takes a dramatic breath – ever the actor. “Hoseok’s joining a dance troupe next year.”

Hoseok sputters and chokes on his water. “What the fuck.”

All eyes shoot to Hoseok and a round of congratulations, however confused, spills over the table.

“No, no, no,” Hoseok waves them all off. “Jin-hyung is leaving in five months. He’s taking another role for some drama called Dream Glow. I’m leaving next fucking semester, when I graduate.”

Jimin feels his heart lurch in his chest. Everyone stares at Jin, with less of a reaction than Hoseok got. “Five months?”

Jin gives him a nod. “Five months. It’s a big deal, even bigger than the last one I was in.”

“Oh my God, hyung,” Taehyung forgoes his food. Actually, it looks like he might cry. “That’s great news.”

“Are you going to cry.”

“Probably. Gimme some wine.”

Jimin directs his attention at Hoseok. His dance mentor. His best friend. “You didn’t tell me.”

Hoseok gives him a shrug and a small smile. “I did, just now.”

“Hyung did.”

“Well, I was supposed to. I got offered a position when I graduate as an instructor for this one company. I’m probably going to the States for a while.”

It’s hard news to hear, but nevertheless great for them. The feeling is bittersweet, seeing how all of them are going to split up.

Jungkook glares hard at Namjoon, who only just notices. “What? What are you looking at me like that for?”

“You’re graduating next semester too.”

Namjoon scoffs. “I’m going to grad school here, shit ass. Don’t worry, I’m stuck for a while.”

“You got into your program?” Hoseok slams Namjoon’s arm. “Why the fuck didn’t you tell me that.”

“Are all of us going to be super successful and famous one day?” Taehyung says. “Because that would be so cool.”

Jungkook chooses then to give Yoongi a look. Yoongi tries to shake his head subtly, but they all see it.

“Aw fuck, Yoongs, are you dipping out on us too?” Hoseok asks.

“I mean, I work like twenty minutes away, so. Also stuck here.”

“Hyung,” Jungkook says, “you might as well tell them.”

The curiosity is even higher than it was earlier, especially as Yoongi glares at Jungkook long and hard before finally caving. “Fine. It’s not a big deal, not nearly as much as everyone else’s news.”

“Shut up and tell them.”

Yoongi pelts a crouton at Jungkook’s head. He misses. “It’s not a big deal. I’m just working on something.”

“Oh?” Jin says.

“They’re letting him mix his own stuff now. He has his own studio. Calls it Genius Lab and everything,” Jungkook blurts out.

“Is it just ‘tell everyone’s secret for them’ day?” Jimin kicks Jungkook’s foot.

“I’m working on a mixtape,” Yoongi explains. “Just a general idea, but they did give me a whole studio, so why not?”

“It’s a big deal,” Jungkook says.

“And Jungkook’s doing my backup vocals, so I guess it is a big deal.”

“Well,” Jimin decides to throw in, because why the fuck not. “Taehyung has a professional photo showing coming up at the end of the semester.”

Taehyung’s eyes shoot open wide. “Jimin. How is that relevant?”

“It’s important to your career.”

“What about your internship?”

Ah. He should’ve seen that coming. In all honesty, he forgot about it.

“Internship?” Jungkook muses.

Jimin gives him an apologetic look. “Next summer. Just for a month in LA, and then I’ll be back.” He whips his head around to Tae. “And I haven’t confirmed or denied that I’ll even accept, thank you very much.”

Tae shrugs and sips from his wine. “It’s important to your career.”

“Looks like all of us are doing pretty damn good,” Jin says. “Worthy of a celebration dinner. And it’s for the best, right? No truth untold?”

“No truth untold,” the seven of them say in unison, glasses raised in a toast. It’s their mantra now. It’s their creed.

And so the celebration goes on. Jin’s new role and Hoseok’s dance opportunity. Namjoon getting into grad school. Yoongi’s future mixtape. They all get a little tipsy, except Jungkook, and they eat and talk and tell stories and clown each other, as tradition.

Jimin loves his wine, and wine loves him, so he’s pleasantly buzzed well throughout the night. Maybe that combined with the good vibes makes him a bit handsy with Jungkook under the table, but he started it when he slid his hand up Jimin’s thigh just a bit too far for him to not react.

It’s fine. No one noticed.

“Oh my God, will you two just go home and screw each other already, I can’t handle any more of this not-so-subtle flirting shit,” Taehyung shouts, head in his hands. Loud enough that it startles everyone and shocks the two of them into putting the first inches of space between them all night.

Hoseok and Yoongi both spit out their drink.

Okay, maybe Taehyung noticed.

“Tae,” Jimin wails in distress. Jungkook looks like a scolded child who thinks the situation is too funny to worry about repercussions, while Jimin’s face burns like Taehyung smacked him. “Jesus Christ, some truth can go untold, okay?”

Everyone’s laughing, giggling at them, and Jimin can’t help giggling too. It’s just the vibe.

Jungkook just smirks like the cocky bastard he is.

Jimin downs his wine in one quick gulp.

***

It’s late by the time they get back to their apartment. Late enough that Kat is screaming at them as soon as they walk through the door for her next meal as if she was starved.

And she’s not. She ate like four hours ago when they stopped by before going to Jin’s house. Fucking dramatic ass bitch.

Regardless, as Jimin goes and changes for bed, he scoops her up into his arms and runs his fingers over the top of her little, mildly balding head. “You’re so ugly that it’s cute, you know that?”

She continues to purr at him, but he’s convinced it’s passive aggressive. She just wants food. It’s a ploy.

Jungkook makes his way back to Jimin’s room after he hopefully sedates her hunger, caught between tired and not tired.

He arrives just as Jimin’s taking his shirt off. And he doesn’t stare, really. His eyes just happen to be observing the toned muscles of Jimin’s back as he pulls it over his head in one quick swoop. Of course he’s seen Jimin shirtless. Most nights, as a matter of fact, as they fall asleep next to each other.

But Jungkook looks at the sharp black lines on Jimin’s ribcage and feels something very unruly in his chest. It’s not an emotion he can place at first, because it doesn’t quite match with any he knows of.

It’s not a bad thing.

Jimin catches his gaze in the mirror hanging on his closet door. Whatever emotion he feels seems to be reflected back at him on Jimin’s face. “I know. Sometimes I catch myself just staring at them, wondering how this can possibly be real when I’ve wanted it for so long.”

Jungkook moves behind him and wraps his hands around Jimin from behind. His skin is warm compared to Jungkook’s cold hands. He rests his chin on Jimin’s shoulder, stealing his eyes in the mirror and holding tight. “Sometimes you feel so far away. But that’s because I can’t believe I can call you mine.”

“I am yours,” Jimin says, softly, so much that his voice barely comes out as a whisper. “I’m yours, Jungkook. Nothing will ever change that.”

Maybe that sounds like permission to Jungkook, because his first instinct is to press his lips to the soft skin behind Jimin’s ear, and when he breathes out at his touch, he presses harder, until his mouth opens into a kiss.

Jimin is his. Even he said so. Even the universe said so, more than once.

So what’s the problem with having what’s his?

Jungkook lets his teeth graze the sensitive spot, until Jimin’s breath hitches in his throat and his eyes flutter shut. There’s a burn growing in Jungkook’s stomach. “You like that?”

“Yes,” he whispers. “Jungkook.”

Jungkook isn’t sure if he’ll ever not get chills when Jimin says his name like that. He drags his palms up Jimin’s chest, pulling him closer to him. The tips of his fingers just barely, just barely graze the words inked on his skin, the promise of love Jungkook left on his soul.

And he ignites.

It leaves them both gasping, Jungkook stumbling away like he was physically shocked. Jimin rounds on him, eyes blown wide. “What-”

“I don’t know,” Jungkook breathes. He’s dizzy, like he’s floating in space and everything around him is too big to grasp. “I don’t know.”

“Can you-” Jimin cuts himself off, shakes his head, and asks, “Can you do it again?”

The thought terrifies Jungkook on the grounds of how raw the emotion that sliced through him felt. It’s vulnerable, exposed. But at the same time, it’s Jimin. “Yes.”

And so he does. He reaches out his palm and places it right over Jimin’s heart, right over his soulmark.

He sees stars. Galaxies. It’s beautiful.

Jimin’s lips crash into his before the sensation even settles, and Jungkook leans into it. He needs it, he needs the touch.

He sees how much Jimin loves him, how completely. It engulfs him. He craves it.

It moves quickly, time, but everything is happening so slow. The way Jimin drags Jungkook’s shirt over his head, the way he pulls Jungkook down onto the bed. So quickly, but so, so slow.

“Are you-are you sure you want this? I know we’re – that we’re not experienced-” Jungkook splutters out, his nerves screaming throughout his body.

“I want it. I want you.” Jimin’s fingers move across his soulmark, soft as a whisper, louder than bombs. “Touch me.”

It’s explosive. It’s volatile in the best ways. A supernova.

They are infinite.

***

It’s a nice, cool morning for Jungkook to be freaking out in his own mind. In the best possible way, but freaking out nonetheless.

Yoongi drives him to the company they both work at. It’s not even two minutes into the ride before Yoongi sighs and asks him, “What’s on your mind?”

“What makes you think-”

“You’re bouncing your knee and biting your nails. Don’t bullshit me. What’s up?”

Against his control, Jungkook feels his face light up. Is he that obvious? And does he even want to verbalize this to Yoongi of all people? “I just…I don’t know.”

“Something about Jimin?”

“Maybe.”

“Something bad?”

“No,” he’s quick to say. “No, not bad. Not bad at all. It’s just…okay, so have you ever touched Taehyung’s soulmark?”

Jungkook isn’t sure what kind of reaction or answer he was expecting, but he sure wasn’t expecting Yoongi to break out into a fat shit-eating grin and say, “Ah. I see. First time?”

“I-” God, Jungkook’s face is on fire.

“I meant first time with soulmark contact, Jungkook. But based on your reaction there, first time?”

Jungkook says nothing. He stares out the window at the buildings blurring past him and wills his blush to disappear along with the rest of him.

Yoongi barks out a laugh. “Aw, how cute. You’re growing up on me.”

“Hyung.”

“Do we need to have the talk about being safe?”

“Shut the fuck up.” Yoongi continues to laugh at him for like another solid three minutes and Jungkook pouts. “Answer my question.”

“Yeah, the soulmark contact thing. Hoseok had to explain it to me after my first time, too, ironically. For someone who doesn’t have a soulmark, he sure knows way more than any of us do.” Yoongi brakes at a stoplight and looks at Jungkook. “It’s different for everyone. Hoseok says that it’s a manifestation of whatever your relationship is. Like it forms some shared emotion or whatever. A lot of magical romance bullshit, I guess. Makes you feel the love they feel for you, but supposedly it only happens when you’re sure you’ve fallen in love with your soulmate. I know, I know, don’t look at me like that. I said it was a bunch of romantic bullshit, did I not. Jin and Namjoon told me about theirs, too.”

Jungkook takes a moment to let that settle in. A manifestation of the relationship. A shared emotion.

Something warm fills his chest, like a fire. Because that’s what their relationship is, isn’t it? An inferno. Bright and powerful. “What was it like for you?”

Yoongi’s face softens, and if Jungkook allows himself to be honest, it even looks like Yoongi’s cheeks redden as well. “Are you going to make fun of me for being cheesy?”

“No.” And for once, Jungkook means it.

“I’m not good with words like Taehyung is, or like you are. It just felt sweet. Like honey, in a weird way. Like a sugar rush without the crash, you know? Like I said, I’m bad at words. And, I don’t know, I just felt loved. All of his emotions kind of crashed into me, and it felt so pure. It was overwhelming as fuck.”

Jungkook finds himself nodding. “Yeah. Overwhelming is a good word for it.”

“How was it?”

“I don’t really know how to describe it, honestly.”

“Start word associating. Throw out some adjectives. That helped me process it.” They’re nearing the parking lot of the building, but when they arrive, Yoongi just parks the car and stays put, looking at Jungkook with earnest curiosity.

“It was…” How can he describe this without being a total cliché? “Hot.”

Yoongi snorts.

“No, okay, I mean it was like…I don’t know, it was like fire. Fire that doesn’t hurt, though. Everything was warm. It felt like every nerve in my body lit up all at once, like this big explosion of feeling. And Jimin loves me so, so much, and that just kind of started tearing me to pieces. It reminded me of a star exploding in space. So much power with endless room to grow. I don’t know, maybe that sounds super dumb, but-”

“It’s not dumb, Jungkook,” Yoongi says, softly. “It’s actually kind of beautiful.”

They fall into a silence after that, because there’s not much to say. It is beautiful, Jungkook thinks.

“Hey,” Yoongi says before shutting off the car. They leave the car and start in the direction of the building. “I want to ask you something important. Come to my studio with me.”

“I always come to your studio first.”

“Well, now do it with reason other than to pester me.”

So Jungkook follows behind his hyung until they have the door securely shut behind them. Yoongi plops down in the chair in front of his computer and spins it around to face Jungkook.

“So what’s up?”

Yoongi rubs at his eyes. “I don’t want you doing backup vocals anymore.”

Something in Jungkook’s heart sinks miserably at that, but he tries to stay neutral, because he’s sure Yoongi has his reasons. After all, Yoongi raps, Jungkook sings. Maybe hyung realized the pairing wasn’t really great together. “A-alright. I understand.”

“No, Jungkook. I don’t want backup vocals,” Yoongi repeats, grabbing his face in his hands and looking hard into Jungkook’s eyes. He swallows nervously. Yoongi’s a bit too serious for his liking. “I want your voice. I want your songwriting skills.”

Jungkook doesn’t comprehend. “I-I don’t…?”

“A team. Not my backup. My partner.”

Partner. “Oh.” And then it hits him. “Oh. Your partner? Hyung, are you sure? I’m not nearly as certified as you, I don’t even have my degree. All my songs are drafts.”

Yoongi nods. “We’ve been in this shit together since day one, kid. Wouldn’t make sense to go on without you at this point.”

Jungkook doesn’t expect to be hit full force with the sudden emotion that comes from Yoongi’s words. He feels his throat start to close up, like tears are fighting their way out of his system. “Damn. That’s so sweet. I guess talking about soulmates and all that really brings out your emotional side.”

“Get the fuck out of my studio.”

“Our studio.”

“Get the fuck out of our studio.”

Jungkook smiles.

***

One year and two months after

Someone has to say it: Yoongi is fucking famous.

Alright, Jungkook’s biased. But Yoongi is gaining fame to his name at an alarmingly quick pace. Although he isn’t really surprised. He’s known for years and years that Yoongi has more talent in his one pinky than most people on this planet, and it’s about damn time for the world to know.

And the world does know. Yoongi’s name is on enough songs for enough popular artists for it to be known. Yoongi has sold enough songs now that he’s racking up some big bucks, and those big bucks have definitely turned his demos and blank tracks into something big. When he told his 285k followers on Instagram that he’s working on his own mixtape to drop, it blew up. He’s now at 946k followers, and Jungkook is amazed.

Ten days until it releases. Everyone is grinning ear to ear about it, eager for any teasers or news, but Yoongi’s nervous as fuck and sneaky about hints. Hell, even Jungkook is nervous. They’re not releasing the news about his contribution to the tape until it drops, as a surprise to the others. They’re not telling their friends anything, actually. Not the title, not the number of songs, nothing. Because it’s all a hint of Jungkook’s involvement. The secret is hard to keep, mostly because they all hate secrets now, but he thinks it’ll be a worthy surprise.

Although, Namjoon is the only one who knows, because he’s helped too. His music mixing isn’t a joke.

And of course, Jungkook scribbles lyrics into the nearly full journal Jimin got him, jots down notes in his sheet music. Yoongi listens to all of it, takes all of his opinions into consideration. Whatever they don’t use gets recycled.

And Jungkook has a solo, along with his parts in many of Yoongi’s songs. That’s the part he’s most concerned about. Everyone loves hyung’s music and sound, based on his SoundCloud stuff, but what will they think of him? His style, so different from Yoongi’s, how well is it going to come off?

Yeah, maybe he’s a bit worried about dragging down Yoongi’s hard-earned fame, but Yoongi swears up and down that Jungkook needs to trust him.

That solo though. That’s the one he wrote in class, in the midst of his recovery when he couldn’t dance. The one he’d been working on as Jimin visited him during his studio time, with his vocals in the back.

That’s the bigger surprise. Jungkook’s keeping those vocals. They’re a hidden gem, soft enough that it blends into Jungkook’s voice, distinct enough that the people who know will recognize it.

That being said, the anticipation is high.

***

One year, two months, and almost ten days after

Yoongi turns down the offer to celebrate at the studio with the managers and such in favor of his friends. It really mattered to him to be there with them, and Jungkook too. To say they’re all excited is an understatement, because he’s never seen the seven of them sit on the edge of their seats so intently as they have Spotify on the TV, waiting for the midnight release.

Yoongi and Jungkook have exchanged way too many looks at this point that he’s surprised no one has caught on. Yeah, they’ve guessed about his so-called backup vocals, because that was the original plan.

God, Jungkook is buzzing. This is amazing for Yoongi’s career, but it’s honestly just as great for his own. Not that he’s trying to ride the glory, it’s mostly Yoongi’s night, but he won’t lie and say he’s not a little bit proud of himself.

It’s 11:57, and the five of them have been peppering Yoongi with questions for the past seventeen minutes, to which Yoongi responds with, “It’s almost midnight, you’ll see.”

“He’s got someone famous on a track, I just know it,” Jin-hyung keeps saying, and Jungkook just wants to laugh. The only special sound is Jimin, and that’s it. Jungkook doesn’t exist in the music world yet.

Yet. He will, in two minutes.

Holy fuck. Holy fuck??? He’s about to have his name out there. His name and work is about to be on Spotify.

Maybe he’s riding on Yoongi’s coattails just a little.

No. They did this together. They’re a team. Yoongi’s just a little more well-known than him. Jungkook has about 700 Instagram followers to his name, and even the publication team at the studio warned him of the increase that’s inevitable.

It’s midnight.

The screaming ensues.

“Oh my God, refresh the page, refresh it,” Taehyung yells, clawing at Jin’s arm as he scrambles for the remote.

“I’m getting there goddamn it!”

“Hurry up!” Hoseok shrieks.

“Babe, come on,” Namjoon adds.

Jimin grips Jungkook’s hand tightly, rubbing at his finger.

It’s there. Oh my God, it’s there on the screen.

Jungkook holds his breath. His heart is hammering out of his chest. He and Yoongi lock eyes one more time as Jin opens the mix and they take it all in.

“Just Me, Just You. What does that mean, holy fuck,” Taehyung breathes out. Everyone’s eyes are glued as the music starts playing.

Eight tracks. One is Jungkook’s song. Two are Yoongi’s. The other five are theirs.

They make it through thirty seconds of the first one before they realize.

Hoseok realizes first, and once he launches himself to his feet with a dramatic screech, the others follow. Jungkook is subjected to various hands and head ruffles and congratulations and holy shit, holy shit, this is a lot.

It’s not necessarily a bad feeling. He might be beaming.

Jimin’s hand tightens in his, mouth hanging open.

Oh, he hasn’t even heard the best part.

“Just Me, Just You” is the title track. It’s both of theirs, and maybe they put it together after the soulmate discussion, and just maybe it’s the cheesiest shit either of them have ever compiled, but it’s for Jimin, it’s for Taehyung.

And when both of them realize that, it’s instant sobbing. They’re all sobbing, actually.

Until Jimin hears his song. Until he recognizes that tune, that beat, those words. Then he freezes, and Jungkook can’t take his eyes off him.

“Jungkookie. Is that, is that-”

“Yeah,” he says. “Yeah it is.”

Jimin looks at him, eyes wide and wet.

And he kisses him, right there in front of everyone. He knows it’s a sight, because they’re usually reserved about this stuff, but just for a moment, Jimin couldn’t help himself, and neither could Jungkook.

“The album art,” Taehyung interrupts, waving a lazy, drunken hand at the dark rose on the cover that they chose. “You abbreviated the album title. JMJY.”

“It’s a combination of our initials. Jungkook thought it was quirky,” Yoongi explains.

“It is quirky, and you fucking love it.”

By the end of the night, they’ve had a few drinks – not counting Jungkook’s virgin Bloody Mary – and they’re scream-singing the lyrics on repeat around Jin’s house, with Hoseok and Jimin deciding to choreograph one of Yoongi’s more beat-intense songs, and well into the early hours, the two of them and Jungkook have it down. Yoongi’s smile is infectious, and it’s the most incredible feeling.

It’s around three in the morning when Yoongi’s drunk enough to pull Jungkook into a tight, tight hug. “We did it.”

Jungkook clings to him, his brother, his mentor, the one who’s been there with him through everything life has thrown at him. “We did it, hyung.”

***

One year and three months after

Seeing Jin-hyung off was easily one of the most painful things any of them have done. It’s like losing a second parent, Jimin thinks, as he clings to Jin’s broad shoulders and cries as silently as possible in their parting hug. Jungkook is mute as he bear-hugs him from behind.

“I’m not leaving forever, you know. And I will visit when I’m not as busy. You all are acting like you’re throwing dirt on my coffin,” Jin mumbles into Taehyung’s hair as he hugs him next, wailing.

“Yeah, but hyung, who’s going to cook for us when you’re gone? Because it sure as fuck can’t be Joonie-hyung,” Tae sniffles.

“Jesus fuck, no,” Yoongi hisses under his breath mercilessly. His hug to Jin is simple, but Jimin can tell it’s hurting his heart just as much as the rest of them.

“I can cook a little, you know,” Namjoon defends himself with a huff.

“Joon, dear, you once caused the microwave to explode because you forgot to put water in the ramen.”

“I was intoxicated.”

“You were stone-cold sober,” Yoongi spits out. He sounds like he has serious beef over this issue.

Jin pats Namjoon’s cheek with a nod.

Hoseok gives a quick hug and a fist bump. “See ya later, Seok.”

“You too, Seok.”

And then, before their very eyes, Jin leans in and gives Namjoon a big, sloppy kiss on the mouth.

Taehyung and Jungkook let out a mutual gasp and they share a look. “Oh my God,” Taehyung groans.

“Mom and Dad kissed,” Jungkook says, covering his eyes.

Jimin doesn’t recall a time ever seeing Jin and Joon-hyung kiss. It’s maybe a little shocking.

Jin barely registers them. “Take care of the kids.”

“I’ll try my best.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too. I’m proud of you.”

Jungkook gags. Taehyung also gags. They both gag repeatedly.

And without warning, Namjoon swivels his head around and says, “Good to know you both choke on dick.”

Hoseok drops to the ground instantly, shrieking. Yoongi just sighs. Jimin is too startled to respond, but holy shit, does Jungkook look scathed. He scoffs, “I do not-”

“That’s enough,” Jimin warns.

Needless to say, Hoseok can’t stand. It doesn’t even sound like he’s breathing, honestly. It’s not Jimin’s problem.

“Well on that note,” Jin interrupts with a clap of his hands, “I think I should head out, get moved in.”

“Are you sure you don’t need help?” Yoongi throws out.

“I appreciate the offer, but I’m not bringing a lot.” Jin opens his car door. “I’ll see you all soon?”

They nod solemnly. This really is like a fucking funeral, good God.

Jin’s car starts to pull out, and he waves at them in the mirror.

Taehyung cups his hands around his mouth and bellows out, “We love you Kim Seokjin!”

Namjoon shakes his head. “I’m a single parent. And Yoongi, you know what this means now?”

“Hmm?”

Jungkook punches Yoongi’s shoulder, a grin plastered lopsidedly on his face. “You’re the main hyung now.”

The way Yoongi’s face pales is no joke.

***

One year and seven months after

There is. A goddamn. Music video. That Jimin and Hoseok choreographed. Just Me, Just You is charting on all streaming platforms.

And Jungkook has an interview. He is being summoned to a bigger company further into Seoul.

To consider being an idol. A whole fucking idol.

He’s freaking out. He is having a panic attack over this, it’s not okay.

Jungkook’s going. Of course he’s going. It would be fucking stupid not to.

So he packs his bags and heads out to Seoul for a week.

This could be the start of everything he ever wanted.

***

It’s day four of Jungkook being away, and no matter how much Jimin tries, he can’t chase his thoughts out of this horrible crash they’re in right now.

Jimin’s so happy for him and Yoongi. He’s seen that certification checkmark on Yoongi’s Instagram, he’s seen Jungkook’s followers shoot up into the hundred thousands, Jesus fuck, once everyone pieced together who their friends were, even the rest of them got a ridiculous increase in followers. This didn’t even happen with Jin-hyung’s followers, who have also massively skyrocketed. Jimin’s measly 200 is at a crazy 71k, Taehyung’s at 39k, and he doesn’t know how to process it.

To be frank, he doesn’t like the attention. It’s not his to share. Even though Jungkook and Yoongi snuck his name into the credits of their song, this is not his time to thrive.

Jungkook sends him videos and pictures throughout the day. He parties, he meets new people, new friends, goes to workshops, talks with producers and managers, and way too many other things that go over Jimin’s head.

And despite all of these amazing things going for their friend group, Jimin is fucking distraught. Insecure.

The thoughts eat at him all day, and even worse at night, when he stays up late waiting for Jungkook’s short FaceTime call and sits by the window with Kat when it’s over well past a reasonable sleeping time.

What if he’s not going to be good enough anymore?

He knows it’s selfish. It’s beyond selfish. He’s taking a good thing from Jungkook and turning it into something bad.

It’s just, Jungkook has so much going for him, so goddamn much. So many better things that Jimin can never give him. And he just worries about holding him back from his potential.

It’s stupid. Because no matter what, at the end of the day, they’re soulmates.

Jimin just doesn’t want that getting in the way. Right? He’s not being entirely selfish. He just wants what’s best for Jungkook.

Have you considered you’re also part of that “best”?

Jimin’s trying hard to calm himself. It’s not easy.

Kat nudges her head against his shaking hands, as if to knock him down from his high horse.

His life would be so much better if I wasn’t his soulmate.

She nibbles his fingers like his thought pisses her off.

That’s a lie. You know it’s a lie.

That’s about when he starts crying. That’s also when he knows it’s time to lay down and force sleep.

This goes on until Jungkook comes home.

Jimin likes to think he does a pretty damn good job of acting fine. Because his is. There is no reason, no fair reason, to bring Jungkook down with this. He isn’t quiet, he’s excited for Jungkook to be home, he’s fine.

But Jungkook is his goddamn soulmate and of course Jimin being fine doesn’t fucking register as fine.

It takes maybe two hours before Jungkook pulls him into his arms and sweeps his hair away from his face. “What’s on your mind? Something’s bothering you.”

It’s a force of habit for Jimin to shake his head. “Nothing. I’m alright.”

The skin between Jungkook’s brows wrinkles in disbelief. “I can feel you. You’re upset.”

The words slip out of Jimin’s mouth. “Can’t some things stay untold?”

And that causes Jungkook to release him and take a step back. He doesn’t say anything, his face doesn’t change, but Jimin knows that stings. Because that’s not how they do things anymore. That’s not safe, it has never been safe, for any of them.

And so it causes a splinter of pain to shatter its way down Jimin’s heart. “I-I’m sorry, I-”

“You don’t have to tell me everything, hyung,” Jungkook says. “That’s fine, too.”

“It’s not fine, I’m sorry,” Jimin grabs his hands and pulls them against his chest. He feels the burn, even through the layers of clothing, and no, it’s not fine. “I’m-I’m not fine.”

Jimin comes apart, then. He breathes out his insecurities and fears and stupid, stupid thoughts. It spills out like a dam breaking, and Jimin starts rambling about how Jungkook could really make a name of himself if he wasn’t tied down, he could find someone better and it builds and builds until Jimin is sobbing into his chest about how he doesn’t feel good enough for the universe to have called him Jungkook’s soulmate, because all he ever caused him was pain and setbacks.

And it’s all stupid. It’s fucking dumb, and Jimin is an honest to God piece of shit for ruining Jungkook’s week and his good news and big opportunities, and Jimin is not good for him.

“Jimin,” Jungkook whispers, too far away to reach him. “Jimin,” he says louder. “Sunshine, look at me.”

Sunshine. Jimin sobs harder.

Jungkook cups his tear-streaked face with his hands so he has no choice but look at him. “You’re my lifeblood. I wouldn’t be here without loving you this much. I will never make it to where I want to be without loving you this much. Do you understand?”

Jimin can barely manage a nod.

“Who cares what the universe thinks, what it chose, because didn’t we choose each other? Jimin, do you care about fate? Or do you just want me?”

I don’t care about fate, I just want you back.

“You,” he croaks out. “You.”

“Just me, just you? I wrote that about you. No one else. Never anyone else. You got me?”

I dream while looking at you. Those lyrics are for him. “I got you.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

I’m not going anywhere.

***

Jimin later learns that it was a mutual agreement between Jungkook and the company to decline the contract. Jungkook doesn’t act disappointed. In fact, he takes it in stride. Due to the complications with his knee, the company, in not quite as rude terms, didn’t want Jungkook to underperform and become a liability, and while this pissed Jungkook off, he realized he didn’t really want to be an idol.

He wants to stay home with Jimin and Yoongi and their cat and make music at his own pace his own way with his partner.

Everything he could’ve ever wanted?

Jungkook already has it.

***

One year and nearly ten months after

So Taehyung 100% downplayed how serious his art gallery was going to be, because when the seven of them show up to support their baby Tae, there’s thousands of people. Fucking thousands.

It’s a scouting event, too. And Taehyung is selling his pieces.

“Taehyung,” Jimin says, looking around this enormous room at all the art vendors, “when you said a professional photo showing, you completely missed the head of the nail.”

“Yeah, man, this is impressive,” Namjoon says. Jin wasn’t able to make the event, much to his distress, so Namjoon has him on FaceTime.

Taehyung brushes it off like it’s nothing. He latches onto both Jimin and Jungkook and drags them through the crowd of people.

“Well, fuck us then!” Hoseok calls after him.

“Hush, this is important,” Taehyung responds.

Jimin and Jungkook share a confused, if not terrified, look.

But when Taehyung stops them in front of a covered photo and promptly tears the fabric off, Jimin feels like his world stops.

Because silhouetted there against a night full of stars and the waves of the beach, are him and Jungkook, sitting back to back. He knows it’s them, he remembers it, that position, as Jimin sits with his head dangling, lost in thought and Jungkook points lazily at the sky and says, “Look, hyung. It’s the seven stars of the north. It’s like the seven of us.”

“Taehyung,” Jimin starts to say, but his throat closes up. He can’t tear his eyes away from it. Something about it is so capturing, so reflective of the emotions he felt that night, and from the glimmer in Jungkook’s eyes, he would guess the same for him as well.

Namjoon and Hoseok come to a standstill behind them, mostly silent until Hoseok whispers, “Holy fuck.”

They don’t get many more words in before the crowd makes their way to the photo and a microphone is forced into Taehyung’s hands. He gives Jimin a knowing glance, one that asks him to listen to his story, his side.

And he doesn’t hesitate. The crowd is near silent as he taps the microphone with one finger. “My name is Kim Taehyung, and I call this piece Stars Uncrossed.”

Jimin’s heart does a painful sort of flip.

“It means a lot to me, everything about this, because it’s the story of how two people close to my heart took their fate and changed it. Two soulmates who’ve been through hell, and they fought everything to write their names in the stars. When I saw them in this scene, it hit me hard. I knew I needed to capture it, because when…” Taehyung’s eyes meet Jimin’s and his voice wavers a bit, just a bit, only enough to make it clear he was choking up. “When their stars uncrossed, something really beautiful came from it.” Taehyung bows. “This piece is not for sale. Thank you for your time.”

The sheer roar of applause that follows falls on deaf ears as Jimin moves towards his best friend blindly, eyes blurry, and crashes into his arms. He gasps out the emotion he’d been holding, and Taehyung squeezes hard against his back. “I’m sorry I used your emotions as a medium without asking,” he explains shakily, “but when your words disappeared, I didn’t want it to erase the past. I just wanted you to see that you overcame it, or some shit, I don’t know. God, I’m crying now.”

When their stars uncrossed, something really beautiful came from it.

“Thank you, TaeTae,” Jimin whispers.

“Is it raining again?”

“It’s raining again.”

***

One year and exactly ten months after

Somehow, in some way, it’s a mutual thought for Jungkook and Yoongi, since they both called each other with the same fucking panic to share.

“Hyung, I need to talk to you about something important,” Jungkook says frantically as soon as Yoongi answers the phone.

“Funny, because me too. Meet me at my place?”

So Jungkook hauls ass over there, because once his soul screamed the idea at him, it was all he could think about.

Since he saw Taehyung’s picture of them, now hanging in their living room, it haunts him.

Yoongi’s alone at his apartment, both Taehyung and Jimin busy these days with finalizing things for graduation.

When Jungkook slams the door behind him, Yoongi hops out of his chair, frantic. “I need help.”

“No, I need help.”

“I need help first.”

“Okay, what’s wrong?” Jungkook asks, starting to get mildly concerned as Yoongi paces the living room with his hands on his hips, gnawing his lip. “Hyung, you’re scaring me just a tad.”

“I’m just gonna say it.” He turns and huffs out a sigh. “I want to ask Taehyung to marry me.”

Jungkook gawks at him wordlessly.

“Oh God, don’t look at me like that. Do you think it’s a bad idea? Is it too soon, what are you-”

“Hyung,” Jungkook interrupts, shaking his head in actual disbelief. “I fucking hate you.”

Yoongi probably wasn’t expecting that reaction. “I – um. I’m sorry?”

“This was supposed to be my problem!”

“Did-” Yoongi clears his throat in confusion. “I’m sorry, did you want to propose to Taehyung?”

“No!” Jungkook runs his hands through his hair. “I want to propose to Jimin.”

“Oh.”

They stand there in the middle of the living room in vaguely awkward silence, unsure of what to say.

That is, until Jungkook blurts out, “Dibs.”

“No, fuck you, I have a ring picked out!”

“Fuck you, I want to do it after graduation!”

Yoongi makes a distressed noise. “I wanted to do it after graduation!”

“Well, I’m doing it after graduation!”

“Here’s a fucking idea, why don’t we both do it after graduation?”

Ah. Yes. “Well. Okay, yeah. Yeah, that works. Jesus fucking Christ.”

Yoongi lets out a long sigh. “Goddamn. That was more dramatic than it was supposed to be.”

“Your fault for hijacking my plan.”

“It was my plan!”

Jungkook slugs Yoongi’s shoulder in response. “Show me the fucking ring.”

***

Almost two years after

It’s the big day. The big, absolutely terrifying, nerve-wracking day.

Jimin is graduating, and Jungkook is asking him to fucking marry him. Never in his life has he been this terrified, not even as he was dying in a hospital bed.

Is it like super early 2000s emo of him to say he’d rather be laying on his deathbed again right now? Because that shit was easy peasy lemon-fucking-squeezy.

He wakes up feeling nauseous. Luckily Jimin had already met up with Taehyung to go do some last-minute senior things that Jungkook didn’t feel like being awake that early for, so he didn’t have to explain why his nervous system was spazzing so bad he might puke everywhere.

The only reasonable solution is to call Yoongi.

“Hyung,” Jungkook croaks as his head dangles over the bathroom sink. “I think I’m dying again.”

There’s a shuffle on the opposite end of the line before Yoongi, too, miserably responds with, “Oh fantastic, I’m not the only one.”

“It’s one question. It’s one fucking question. I’ve known this for months and why of all days am I freaking out now?”

“Because it’s tonight, Jungkook,” Yoongi answers. “We’re doing this shit tonight.”

Jungkook’s stomach churns. “Jesus fuck. What if he says no?”

There’s a pause. “Is that what you’re worried about?”

“What the fuck are you worried about, then?”

Another pause. “Alright, whatever. They’ll both say yes. Maybe. I think? Goddamn.”

Maybe calling Yoongi wasn’t the most comforting idea after all. “You suck at this pep talk shit.”

“Jimin will say yes, I know that for a fact.”

“And so will Taehyung.”

“Then what are we freaking out about?”

Jungkook has no response for that, really. Jimin’s his soulmate. Why would he say no?

Because I am a certified piece of shit.

Now’s not the day to be self-deprecating. Jungkook tells himself to fuck off. He’s allowed to be nervous. He’s not allowed to doubt Jimin’s love for him.

“I’ll see you tonight when you’re engaged.”

“Ditto. But I’m doing it first.” And Yoongi hangs up.

***

The ceremony ends with the five of them waiting to greet Jimin and Jungkook to take them to dinner, and once both of them realize Jin and Hoseok made it to the ceremony – Hoseok literally only just getting to Seoul thirty minutes before it started – they launch themselves into the group of waiting arms.

“My children are growing up,” Jin cries. Jungkook thinks he’s joking, but when he looks, Jin is actively crying. “I’m so proud of you guys.”

“Jiminie, you don’t have to mentor anymore freshman,” Hoseok says, squeezing Jimin in his arms and swaying back and forth. “How does it feel?”

“I’m kind of a dance instructor, so it feels just the same,” Jimin croaks out. “You’re suffocating me.”

“Come on, guys, we’re going to dinner,” Jin leads the way to the cars parked outside, his and Yoongi’s, and all seven of them pile inside. Yoongi, Tae, him, and Jimin all pile in Yoongi’s car to follow Jin wherever he’s going. Jin-hyung swears he’s paying for all seven of them and refuses to accept argument.

Jungkook is okay with that. His mind is too scrambled. The drive there blurs by with the four of them singing along to songs blaring from the speakers, the majority being their album. Jungkook has heard those songs so much at this point he’s feeling a little exhausted with them. In the best possible way.

Jin chose a high-class restaurant, one they only ever went to once as a group. Everyone protests, because it’s pricey, but Jin pulls his authority card and the rest of them shut up.

“Besides, I already have a reservation.”

Dinner is absolutely amazing, as it always is here. Jimin and Taehyung barely make it out of their graduation gowns before going in, stripping down to their dress pants and white button-ups.

Which is good for Jungkook’s soul, because Jimin in a suit has had his heart thumping all day. Or maybe that was just the nerves. Who knows.

yoongles [21:14] how r u feeling

KookieMonster [21:14] terrified

yoongles [21:15] me too hahahahahaha

The last round of food comes to their table, cobblers and cakes and everything, and they can barely finish it all. Jungkook tries to eat as much as he can, but his stomach has been flip-flopping for the past four hours. The second food comes in contact with it, he has to fight nausea.

Namjoonie-hyung [21:46] are you doing alright? You look sick

Jungkook looks across the table at his hyung. Namjoon cocks his head to the side quizzically.

KookieMonster [21:47] I’m doing okay. It was the heat today, made me less hungry

Namjoonie-hyung [21:47] yoongi told me, kid

KookieMonster [21:47] ah

KookieMonster [21:48] in that case, no lol im so nervous

Namjoonie-hyung [21:49] while I understand, I know jimin will say yes

Namjoonie-hyung [21:49] coming from someone who’s been married for like four years at this point

KookieMonster [21:50] haha ur right

KookieMonster [21:52] wait wait

KookieMonster [21:53] r u being funny

Namjoonie-hyung [21:54] we eloped after the first six months

KookieMonster [21:55] WAIT WHAT YOU NEVER TOLD US

Namjoonie-hyung [21:55] we say it all the time, you all just assume we’re your married parents

KookieMonster [21:55] IT WAS A JOKE

Namjoonie-hyung [21:56] not a joke lol

Jungkook turns his phone off and gawks at Namjoon. He leans over and whispers something to Jin, who then looks at Jungkook and snorts.

What catches his attention after that is how nervous Yoongi looks. His knees are bouncing and he’s wringing his hands over the table. He catches Jungkook’s eyes, and Jungkook gives him a nod that he tries to make convey I’ll follow your lead.

The box in his pocket feels like a leaden weight, but nonetheless, he tries to keep his cool as Yoongi stands up. Of course, Yoongi doesn’t make a scene ever, so he quickly captures the attention of their friends.

His glass of wine rests in his hand, and Jungkook sees how harshly he swallows against his nerves. “I think someone needs to make a formal statement about how two more of our youngest have graduated.” Their table is mostly secluded, but the people who do happen to see are watching from afar. Yoongi doesn’t notice. “Jimin, Taehyung. We’re all proud of you two, and I’d say we know you’re going to do amazing things with your lives, but truth be told, you’re both already doing so well. We love you guys.”

A round of cheering erupts from all of them, and Jimin and Taehyung are smiling. They’re absorbing this attention, and Jungkook can’t help the grin on his face. Something about both of their energy never fails to lighten the group’s mood.

“Jimin,” Yoongi says. “You’re easily one of the greatest people out there in this world. You’re so much stronger than you give yourself credit for, and one of the first things I ever realized about you was despite the hell you were thrown into, you still had the biggest, kindest heart. I appreciate you, kid.”

“Oh my God,” Jimin clamps a hand to his mouth, eyes shut. “I’m not gonna cry.”

“Cheers?” Yoongi raises his glass.

Everyone cheers back.

“Tae,” the sound of Yoongi’s voice is much softer now. Taehyung looks like he’s already about to sob, and Jungkook feels an explosion of giddiness. Jesus fuck, Tae has no idea what’s coming for him. “Taehyung. I could say a million things right now, and none of them would do justice. You never fail to love with your entire heart and soul, and I’ve never known someone to be so protective of that love. You’re an inspiration. You’re beautiful.”

Jungkook feels the overwhelming force of how much Yoongi loves Taehyung. He looks at his friends, and he can see it reflected in their eyes too. It’d be cheesy if it wasn’t so pure.

Eh, no, it’s a little cheesy.

Yoongi raises his glass again, and the others follow suit with their cheers.

And when Yoongi sets his glass down, he drops to one knee.

Jungkook’s going to explode. He thinks all of them are.

The gesture hasn’t hit Taehyung as quickly as it hit the rest of them. “Kim Taehyung.”

“Y-yes?”

“Will you marry me?”

Jungkook watches everyone’s mouths drop in silence.

“I-I,” Taehyung stutters. “Oh my God, yes, yes, holy shit, yes.”

Yoongi stands up just in time to catch Taehyung as he throws himself out of the booth. The chaos and clapping that ensues captures the attention of everyone else in the restaurant, and soon the majority of people are clapping to these two random strangers, two random soulmates getting engaged.

It’s adorable. It’s magical. It makes Jungkook smile until Yoongi catches his eye and raises a brow.

Fuck.

Yoongi and Taehyung sit back down after he slides the ring on Tae’s finger, and immediately he’s shoving his hand into Jimin’s face for him to investigate. They’re all hammering Yoongi with questions, and no one really notices when Jungkook slides out the edge of their booth and stands.

Until Yoongi clanks a spoon loudly against his glass and nods at him.

Jimin immediately snaps his eyes over to him.

Here goes everything. Jungkook’s hands are sweating. Suddenly everything he planned on saying disappeared from his head and he stands there.

Shit. Shit.

He’s going to fuck this up before he even gets the words out. Oh God.

Actually, he might just puke everywhere. That would be fantastic.

Maybe he can’t do this. Maybe he should sit back down.

His eyes get blurry, holy shit-

Then he feels it. Jimin reaching out for him, the soft palm of his hand sliding into his. “Jungkookie?”

Everyone is waiting on him to speak, and with Jimin’s eyes holding onto his soul like that, he finds that it’s not as hard as he thought.

Because it’s Jimin. It’s always Jimin.

“So Yoongi-hyung already decided to run his mouth before me. Regardless, I also have something to say.” As carefully as he can, he lowers himself onto his good knee, still wincing from the stiffness. Jimin’s eyes follow his movements. A mild tremor starts in Jimin’s fingers as Jungkook holds onto them. “Hey, Jiminie.”

Jimin’s hands clench his even tighter.

“It’s been one hell of a storm getting here, hasn’t it?”

“Jungkook,” Jimin’s voice barely escapes as a whisper.

“I love you more than anything, and if you’ll have me, I want to be able to tell you that every day for the rest of my life. So,” Jungkook pulls the box from his pocket with his one free hand and flicks the lid open to reveal the black rose gold band he slaved over picking out, “Park Jimin, will you, um, also marry me?”

Jimin’s lips quiver. “Yes. Yes.”

Jungkook breathes out a sigh. Holy mother of God.

Jimin lets out a shaky laugh, and soon Jungkook is laughing with him. He slips the ring onto Jimin’s finger – a perfect fit – and brings it to his lips.

“Well!” Hoseok slams his hands on the table. “Looks like it’s time for Namjoonie and Jin-hyung to get engaged too.” He nudges Namjoon’s side. “Hey, you gotta ring you wanna pop out?”

Namjoon catches Jungkook’s eye and winks.

As their multi-celebration dinner goes on, Jungkook feels the happiest he has ever been in his life.

And when he looks over at Jimin, a smile bright on his face and in his eyes, the ring glimmering on his finger, comparing it with Taehyung, and the others watching them fondly, Jungkook knows that even through the ups and downs and the heaven and hell, he will always return to this happiness at the end because he has all of them by his side.

His soulmate. His friends. His family.

***

Two years and one month after

Jungkook spends the summer stuck between boredom and being too busy. Jimin is away in Los Angeles for his dance internship, which happened to line up with Hoseok’s schedule almost perfectly. They’re having the time of their lives down there, and Jimin consistently blows up his phone about all the cool dance techniques he’s gotta show Jungkook when he gets back.

Needless to say, Jungkook is so damn smitten.

He alternates his time working with Mimi in her shop, even though she insists she can cover it if he wants to go be a celebrity, and working at the studio with Yoongi. Jungkook is utterly surprised by how much money he’s gotten just being part of Yoongi’s team, selling songs, producing tracks. Medical bills? Paid. Tuition? Paid. It’s insane.

Jungkook comes back to their apartment one day to find Jimin there already, one day early. He launches himself at Jimin before his eyes completely register that he’s standing there.

“Jungkookie!” Jimin squeals, and Jungkook spins him around, because nothing touches his ego better than seeing how excited Jimin gets at the sight of him.

“I missed you,” Jungkook mutters against his hair. “I missed you a lot.”

Jimin kisses his cheek. “I missed you more.”

Jungkook finally forces himself to let Jimin go and they plop down on the couch. Jungkook was exhausted from the day, but now that Jimin’s back, his energy returned. “When did you get in?”

“Early this morning. I knew I wouldn’t be back by the time you left, so I figured I’d surprise you,” Jimin says. “Oh my God, I have so much to tell you.”

And so for the next two and a half hours, Jungkook listens as Jimin tells him all about LA and the dancing he learned. He talked about being with Hoseok for the first two and a half weeks, and about the friends he made, and how excited he is for the possibilities this opens up for him.

Jungkook has heart-eyes dancing around his head, he’s sure.

“I have to show you this one technique. I’ve been doing it all summer, and my core hates me for it.”

“What is it?” Jungkook asks. He’s always down for new techniques.

That is, until Jimin gives him a smile that sends Jungkook’s warning signals into a frenzy. “Pole dancing.”

Oh my God. “Um. That’s. That’s interesting.” Jungkook swallows down some thoughts that pop into his head just then.

Jimin stands up and pecks Jungkook on the nose. “We have a honeymoon coming up soon. Maybe I’ll show you then.”

Jungkook takes it as a threat.

***

Two years and two months after

Jimin is way too fucking lazy to wake up early on a weekend to make breakfast, so naturally he kicks Jungkook out of the bed and makes him do it.

It’s a fantastic decision until he wanders out of the bedroom half an hour later to check the progress. A bouquet of flowers sits in a vase on their counter, a gift from Mimi as congratulations for their engagement and a thank you to Jungkook for finally letting her pass away in peace. And at the stove is Jungkook, frying an egg, shirtless, with a pair of Jimin’s gray sweatpants.

His heart does a kick-flip. “I said make breakfast, not be breakfast.”

Jungkook smirks at him over his shoulder. “Why not do both?”

A sudden feeling falls over him, very soft, very warm, and he says, “Hey.”

“Hey?”

“We’re getting married in a few months.”

Jungkook turns around to face him. “We are.”

“It’s gonna be one hell of a wedding with those vows.”

“It’s also going to be all over social media eventually, you know that,” Jungkook adds.

It’s ironic to Jimin. All those years he hated that everyone knew his words. Now? Now he’s putting them out there again, to a much larger population, that of his and Jungkook’s combined collection of followers.

When Jimin presses a kiss to Jungkook’s lips and feels him smile, he realizes he doesn’t care at all.

***

Forever

They’re not perfect. They were never meant to be perfect. They were meant to fight for each other, to prove it. Maybe it wasn’t ideal getting here. It was shitty, it was hellish. They got hurt a lot, they were killed and reborn. They’re still recovering some days, and it’s not easy, even after the worst has come to pass.

But they’re Jimin and Jungkook, and this, loving each other, has always been, and always will be, worth fighting the universe for.

Stars uncrossed.