Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Nobody would say that Edward Kaspbrak, beloved husband and priest in a small district of Maine, was leading a quite unhappy life. His daily routine was boringly common, the perfect tale, the one that you picture when you are a child and wonder how it all will work as an adult. Successful in some way, he has been successful in his studies, his job, his personal relationships with neighbors and friends, and his perfect marriage with his wife Myra. Sterility and/or infertility were the only rumors that surrounded the couple, since they didn't have any children yet. Eddie hasn't bother to clarify those rumors, he knows Myra wants children, and he would die to want them too, but he doesn't. Eddie isn't a fan of children, they are always screaming and running at the church, but the truth is that he is deeply depressed. He is quite sure he wouldn't be a good father, because even after he struggled to get the perfect life his mother wanted for him, he has been unhappy for years. If he was asked why, he couldn't tell though. Not that he hasn't got used to it, he has convinced himself that everyone is just like him, deeply depressed and anxious on their insides. And that's how Eddie can wake up every day and go to carry on his duty at church, thankfully he prays and feels peaceful there.

However, good things doesn't last long, and peace is something Eddie is going to miss for a while, when his worst nightmare (or best, it depends) breaks into his life.

It's an October Sunday, almost midday, Eddie has just finished holding the Sunday mass and he is exchanging words with some members of the church. While doing so, he waves and mouths a “see you later” to Myra who is also waving at him at the door. As they leave in dribs and drabs, he excuses himself and goes to tidy up the main altar. Eddie takes very seriously his responsibility of maintaining the church properly, and people really appreciate it. When he is almost done, he notices through the corner of his left eye that there is still a man in there, observing him and waiting. Eddie rises his head to catch a quick glance of the man himself. He hasn't seen him before.

“May I help you?” he asks in a really polite and familiar tone. He is used to new members wanting to ask him.

The man balances himself in place and scratches both his arms. "He is nervous," Eddie thinks.

“Uh... Yeah father you see...,” he starts with a smirk, but doesn’t elaborate. The man focuses instead on scratching the back of his neck. Hard. Eddie is starting to be afraid he is a homeless man with a heavy problem of fleas at this point. He looks like the classic lost man looking for heavenly answers, ruffled hair, glasses, three-day beard, a funny patterned shirt... Eddie also notices the man is taller than him, shoulders wide.

“Is something wrong?” he asks again, this time trying to hide his uncomfortable feeling. He is not a fan of poor hygiene, but can't give himself the pleasure of being rude at the moment. Instead, he is supposed to be some savior. He has pretended to be one for years and people have believed in him. He hasn’t though. Eddie expected that at some point he could have stopped pretending and believing too. Unfortunately, he hasn’t gained the ability of not questioning himself yet.

“No It's not, I just wanted to thank you, that was a really funny show, I haven't gone to any other church celebration before, but man, that was hilarious, what a thing, humans are so weird. I nearly choked when I had to shake some dude’s hand out of nothing.” He scratches his ear now, looking like a big dog as he does, so casual like he isn't being the most offensive human Eddie has come to see, “also you are really handsome, and I am really hungry so...”

“Excuse me?” Eddie inquires incredulously, ready to allow himself to being rude for the first time in ages. Although before he manages to start, the man starts shifting shape. Eddie stares horrified, as from his forehead start germinating a pair of huge goat-like horns, each one dragging a low growl from the owner, breaking flesh at their path. His upper clothes seem to evaporate and turn into some BDSM shit, like he has come straight out of a gay porno or something (obviously Eddie has never seen such an obscene thing, but he knows what it’s like because the Internet is so weird this days right?), his jeans remain there, tighter than seconds ago though. Bat wings and a classic demon tail breed from the man's back. There’s a strong howl from the demonic figure’s throat when he is done. Eddie flinches as the sound reverberates all around the place. The monsters breathes. His eyes, hungry, black, wild, look for Eddie, who is crossing himself in shock.

“Oh, don't look at me like that. Hey no, no, don't be scared.” The creature frowns and crosses his arms. His pupils seem to come back to a more normal sized shape, his tail wiggling unsteady. “I just wanted to come straight to you all right? Like no lies here. Maybe I could have used some warning, I give you that… but where’s the fun then?” he avoids Eddie’s gaze for a moment and looks around curiously. “Let's start from the beginning… hi, honeybun, my name's Richard but you can call me whatever you want... HEY! I told you not to be scared! DAMN IT!” His chest deflates in disappointment when he notices Eddie sprinting for his life towards the entry door. Eddie is a good runner; he goes jogging every morning, to keep his heart strong, in his healthy perfect life of course. Still he is not fast enough for a flying huge demon, who catches him in a blink.

“WHAT THE FUCK! PUT ME DOWN! OH MY GOD!” Eddie cries out, closing his eyes as he notices he is getting further from the floor below him. Richard snorts.

“Whoa! Aren't you ashamed of that dirty tongue of yours Edward, we are gonna have to ask Jesus for a clean-up with soap here,” the demon mocks, as he drops Eddie onto one of the wooden beams close to the ceiling.

Eddie holds onto the beam with arms and legs, hearing the wood creak in horror. He is going to die; he is going to fucking die so hard. He inhales deeply and looks towards the atrocious creation floating before him, who is staring at him in amusement.

“If you are going to kill me, do it already! You fucking coward!” Eddie hisses. He isn't afraid of death per se, he is afraid of suffering an awful one. He noticed that when treating his hypochondria.

“Oh language again! Edward please,” the demon says, in a completely different voice, a motherly one. Then giggles. “No, I’m not gonna kill you. Jeez man, if you just had let me talk down there, I hate doing this,” he points at Eddie’s situation. “Can't you see I ain't dangerous? Of course not, you got the beauty but not the brains huh?” He gets closer with a flap of his wings, and pretends to lay on his back on some comfortable place, still in the air.

Eddie may not be the smartest man on Earth, but he is not dumb either. If the demon wants to fool around, so let him, he will gain time meanwhile.

“So what do you want? Are you Lucifer or some shit? What the heck do you want from me? A deal?” Eddie asks with trembling voice. He notices his body slipping a little in panic and tries to hold up. His muscles struggling in pain. 

Richie starts crackling loudly, as if he’d just heard the best joke in his entire life.

“Oh my... I think I really like you, seriously, you are pure gold, mister dirty tongue. No, I am not Lucifer pfff…” He snorts again and leans over the beam for a moment to catch his breath. “As I was saying, my name is Richard, you can call me Richie or whatever you want, I’m all yours baby, and I am an incubus, have you ever heard of that before?” he asks, with genuine interest on Eddie's answer.

“I... Yeah but I thought...” - "that they didn't exist". Of course, his job was to alert the poor people of the sins that threatened their innocent human lives, so that they could join the church to save their souls. Eddie, on the other hand, was never fond of those ways of carrying out his duty as a priest. He chose to believe that people would look for answers when they most needed them. Besides, he found priests who compared sins to fictional creatures, such as demons, ridiculous as hell. Turns out he was wrong all this time.

“What? You didn't believe? Well, what an insult coming from a religious freak, thank you very much!” Richie replies, in an obviously overacted sob. Then he claws his forearms with rage. “Damn this place is killing me,” he hisses.

Eddie opts for ignoring his words. His eyes still on the demon in disorientation. His body aches. He realizes that if he survives, his back will kill him later.

“So if you are real... God is real right?” He feels dumb asking that to a fucking demon, besides it is a self-question more than a question itself, but whatever, if he is going to die he is on his entire right of asking if he is going to heaven.

“You tell me!” Richie laughs, which doesn’t help at all, but what was Eddie expecting anyway?

Eddie is starting to lose strength on his arms. Also he is feeling a familiar dizziness that usually comes before fainting.

“Look, Ri… Richie was it? I need to get down, I need…,” Eddie begs, trying to be as familiar as possible to make himself clear. He is going to die so fuck it. 

Richie seems to notice because he holds him gently. It’s almost like a hug from behind. It’s warm.

 “Okay there pal, I gotcha, brace yourself, I’ll be gentle.” He winks, but Eddie doesn’t see. His eyes closed in agony. “But please don't run, all right?” Richie warns in a more serious tone. Eddie rolls his eyes and nods.

“Just please...” And so he finds himself landing on the floor in another blink. Richie leaves him some space and helps him take a sit on one of the benches.

“You right there old man?” The demon asks in concern.

“Who are you calling old man, dickwad? You look like a fucking homeless man straight out a brothel,” Eddie snaps. He is done being nice. It doesn’t seem to offend Richie, he is laughing his ass off again instead. Eddie is fucking tired of this, he feels like a joke. He hadn’t felt like that in a long time.

“You kill me Eds, seriously. Okay, so look we already stated I am not gonna hurt you alright? I just happen to be hungry and you happen to be the closest victim I smelled. Although honestly, calling you a victim is stupid as heck, because obviously you are now the luckiest man alive,” Richie points out.

“You… what?” Eddie’s feeling better, but his brain is still trying to manage the situation and he feels overwhelmed.

“That I need to fuck you, sugar, or let you fuck me, whatever works for you, or I will starve to death, that's what I'm saying,” says Richie, sitting next to Eddie and smelling his ear. Eddie feels shivers down his spine and stands up abruptly.

“What the fuck! You can starve as far as I care, I won't have sex with you! I would die first!”

Eddie starts walking away but Richie flies and lands right before him. Richie is in fact much taller than him, and Eddie finds himself staring at Richie’s bare (hot) chest. He is wearing some fancy leather straps, which are tied to his back and his neck. The straps make Richie’s nipples stand out gorgeously. Eddie bounces back with a knot on his throat. Obviously, it wouldn’t be that easy.

“Oooh boy, you don't get it. I'm here because you reek of sexual frustration more than you wish. Those are the easier humans. You need it as much as me, you know, like I scratch your back and you scratch mine?” He says, and then puts his big hands on Eddie's shoulders, caressing them, “don't be so tense, Eds, I know you want it.”

“I... I… don't... don’t call me Eds,” he stutters and somehow manages to answer, “then go look for a girl or something, leave me alone.”

Eddie can feel his cheeks burning, just Richie's hands send electric pulses throughout his body. Okay he might be a little needy, but that's nothing he can't take care of himself. His marriage is not very sexually active, still Eddie has got used to it, and he hasn't ever fantasized of being with someone else. He is a priest, for God’s sake.

“Eddie, love, are you implying I shouldn't be trying because we are both men? Because I have an answer for that, but I can't say it's not gonna hurt.” Richie starts to touch Eddie's arms gently, his hips moving dangerously towards Eddie's. Eddie steps back.

“No.” He is a christian but he is not an homophobic, for what he cares this demon can fuck a fish. He has never judged anyone by their sex life. “I’m saying you go fuck yourself and leave me alone.”

Eddie rises his gaze, defying. He feels his blood boiling, like he is ready to start a fight, but doesn’t know how to proceed. He just knows he wants this demon out of there. Then he notices Richie looks… sad. That’s not how a demon is supposed to look.

“You wound me, Eddie,” he says, and scratches his ribs, “come on, don’t I look at least a little appealing to you?” Richie grins inviting, his teeth sharp under his lips.

Eddie bites his tongue and allows himself to catch a better glimpse of the man before him. The truth is that he feels like burning. The sight of the demon has left him breathless since the beginning. Something in his brain is shouting “hot, hot, hot!” desperately, wanting Eddie to notice. Of course, he has chosen to shush that voice. Besides, it’s stupid, because he hasn’t been attracted to men before… right? Richie’s powers must be messing with him. That’s the most logical conclusion. Eddie swallows before answering.

“Not at all,” he replies, cold.

“You little liar,” Richie accuses, severe, and Eddie has war flashbacks of his mother, which it’s rather worse than facing a hungry demon.

They both look at each other for a while, intense and silent, like in a staring contest. Eddie’s mind is getting clearer. He feels the gears of his brain working hard, trying to make a plan, he needs to get rid of this monster, asap. Richie, on the other hand, is making a quizzical but mocking face all at once, which only makes Eddie’s patience reach a limit he didn’t know was capable of.

“I know you are trying to mess with my senses to make me believe that I do, but I do not. And I’m warning you. I want you out of this church right now or… or there will be consequences,” Eddie threatens, pretty unsure it will work out. But he is a priest right? He must be like some kind of police officer for hell creatures, or at least he should be.

Richie barks a laugh. His claws are digging on his elbows now.  

“Aren’t you the cutest thing!” He looks at Eddie with enthusiasm. “I was asking because I wanted to be polite, I know you find me hot as fuck. Like the hottest person you have ever seen. You wanna know how?” The demon challenges with a smirk, his tail swaying playfully.

Eddie is already sweating. He is trying to convince himself there’s some type of dark magic wrecking his mind, and struggling not to think how much he wants to lay hands on those hips.

“Go on, enlighten me,” Eddie spits dryly. He is putting all his effort not to look afraid of him.

A wider smirk spreads across Richie’s lips, and Eddie realizes he has committed a mistake.

“Oh man yes, I love this part,” Richie says excited, and hops eagerly in place. “You see…,” Richie starts, the smirk still there, his eyes wild and black again, not a good sign. “I happen to mold myself automatically so I fit the taste of my sweet sexy victim. So… I was a little surprised here when I first turned into this huge hairy man, you know? I was almost flattered, because my true form is pretty alike. Also, I have always liked wearing glasses. But I don’t know, I suppose I was expecting to look… different.” This time his face draws a truly evil smirk, which leaves Eddie quivering and repeating all the prayers he knows on his head. Richie’s body starts to boil then, flesh bubbling, and Eddie realizes in horror that he is shifting again; from his manly chest bumps out a pair of voluptuous women breasts. Eddie takes a step back in horror, colliding with the wall. Meanwhile, Richie’s hips increase their size and his waist shrinks. There’s a woman where Richie stood, she makes a pose and squeezes his boobs invitingly looking at him. Eddie on his part gasps and looks away, but not before watching clearly how woman Richie winks and licks his lips. Eddie feels suddenly very uncomfortable on his pants.

“…something like this,” Richie finishes. After that, there’s a loud crack and Richie is back to what he has been looking since the beginning. He walks towards Eddie, and stops right in front of him. “Once I had to turn into a dog, it wasn’t funny.” He winkles his nose. “But whatever floats your boat, man, I’m here to satisfy you and I obviously prefer to be me.” He rests a hand on the wall so he can bend down and look Eddie in the eye.

Eddie hasn’t been this mad in his entire life. He is mad at the demon, he is mad at himself for being so weak. And he wishes with all his soul that a bomb blows up the fucking place and takes them both. As sudden as he realizes that he prefers to die rather than support this torture, he shoves Richie back and starts shouting. The whole church reverberates.

“You… YOU CAN DREAM OF IT. I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR FUCKING INSOLENCE. WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? DO YOU THINK YOU KNOW ME? THAT’S WHAT YOU WANT ME TO BELIEVE? Well I got news for you; I’M NOT SCARED OF YOU, ASSHOLE, SO EITHER YOU CAN GO OR YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELF. AND IF YOU DO NOT TAKE YOUR FILTHY FEET OUT OF MY CHURCH RIGHT NOW, I SWEAR I WILL KICK YOU OUT WITH MY OWN HANDS, EVEN IF I RISK MY OWN LIFE.”

Richie looks astonished and clearly tense. Eddie can notice. So maybe he is right, maybe he is the demon police. It’s worth a shot.

“I’M WARNING YOU, IF YOU DON’T MOVE I… I WILL FUCKING BLESS YOU.” He rises his hand, ready to cross Richie’s horny forehead.

It works because Richie takes a step back and rises his hands defensively.

“Hey, hey, Eddie, my dude, my friend, don’t do that. Honestly that won’t kill me but it could be tricky for me, and we wouldn’t like that, would we?” Richie replies nervous. Eddie was right. There must be something that scares the shit out of Richie in the way Eddie faces him. Eddie crosses himself again instead, wondering if it works as some protective shield.

“Listen man…,” Richie tries, in a soothing voice, “It’s a gift. I wasn’t pretending to offend you. I was just showing all the possibilities. Although honestly it’s ironic you being a priest and everything…” He clears his throat. “Anyway, the point is I can’t explain because I don’t know how it works.” He shrugs. “Please don’t kick me out, it’s just my natural way of looking for food.”

Eddie realizes that at this point, Richie could have tried to rape him and that hasn’t happen. He wonders why. Maybe he can’t do anything without consent, like some kind of magic rule. He better don’t ask just in case. Eddie furrows his brows, struggling to understand how to process all this information. He’s got a strong headache. And then Richie fucking whines. Like a puppy.

“Let me make myself clear, I am not your victim, and I won’t have sex with you.” He raises his hand to show Richie his wedding ring. “So please, PLEASE, leave me alone. I don’t really wanna hurt you. But I will if you keep all…that up and don’t go.”

Richie huffs. He is clearly frustrated that his plan is not working. He gets off the ground with a slight movement of his wings. It’s slow, and sad, not as energetic as the first moves he made.

“Okay sweetheart, but I’m only going because this place makes my body itch so hard I’m starting to tear my flesh of.” He blows a kiss and winks “I will come back”.

“Please don’t” Eddie says cold.

Richie makes a face and disappears through the ceiling. Eddie sighs and slides down through the wall. He is exhausted. 

***

Nearly an hour passes and Eddie remains on the church floor, suffering some kind of existential crisis. The headache is not going anywhere either, his brain feels more like a thick sponge, trapped in a small container, fighting for space. He has got so many questions and nobody to ask, unless he wants to end his days on a mental hospital. He have been wondering if he dreamt it all in the passed hour, and pinched himself more times than his pride could take. He knows he has to stand up sooner rather than later, but he is in shock. That’s when he hears his phone ring. He looks at the direction of the sound, wondering if he should go and pick up in his current mental state. Before he can think it twice, he is standing up and walking towards his narrow office, where his phone is ringing. It’s Myra. He picks up, realizing his hands are shaking, so does the device on his ear. His wife speaks first.

“Eddie, are you okay? Where are you?” she asks concerned. Eddie grabs his shaky knees and takes his time to respond. He doesn’t want to sound weird.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m at the church.” That’s not a lie.

“Oh my God, Eddie what took you so long? Have you seen the time? Why are you still there?”

“Mmm… no, no… sorry I haven’t realized…” He looks at the time on his phone screen. It’s already half past one, he usually goes home about an hour before. “I had to stay a little more, sorry I didn’t say anything.”

“But are you okay? I knew I shouldn’t have come home without you. I told you last Friday, you should check those headaches you are having lately…”

“I feel fine.” I do not. “I swear, I will be home in a blink, see you in ten minutes.” Eddie is too tired today to be a reassuring husband.

“… Ok. Love you Eddie,” she says. Eddie sighs in relief.

“Bye.” And he hangs up with that. He has never been a very affectionate husband. He knows and he has to work on that. But not today. He just wants to lie in bed and don’t wake up in a week maybe.

Eddie grabs his personal belongings, makes sure everything is in order inside the church and starts walking his way home. Not without looking everywhere in case that demon is following him though. He really hopes he can forget what he saw sometime. Just in case, he is already planning to make some research at home, to be prepared if there’s a next time. He prays to God it isn’t. Luckily, he lives very close to the church, which is really helpful for a married priest like him. His house comes to sight immediately. It’s a classic American house, not too big, not too small. It’s got its little garden, its yard, and two floors. The decoration may seem a little outdated for Eddie’s taste, but he let his wife decide on the most part to make her happy.

When he arrives home, Myra comes eager to welcome him. Her face looks more relaxed that Eddie pictured on the phone, so he breathes in peace at that. She says “Hi darling” with a soft smile, kisses his cheek and grabs Eddie’s coat to hang it up for him. Eddie lets her and kisses her cheek too, in an attempt of not being suspicious. However, there must be something on Eddie’s face, because when he is going to take of his shoes, Myra grabs his face with both hands.

“Oh Eddie, you look pale,” she says, caressing Eddie’s forehead and retiring some hair. Eddie grabs her hands softly and takes them down from his face.

“Myra, I’m fine. I’m tired and hungry, that’s all, don’t worry.”

Eddie finally manages to get rid of Myra’s hands and enters the bathroom, closing the door behind him. He washes his face and looks at his own reflection. Man, he looks… awful. He looks sick. He feels fine though, he must be affected by what happened. Obviously he is. His muscles hasn’t relaxed. He washes his face again and goes to sit on the table next to his wife. The truth is that he isn’t hungry, but if he doesn’t eat, he will have to deal with Myra’s concern all day. He notices she’s carefully observing him, so he takes a spoonful eats it.

“Mmmm. Yummy,” he says grinning gently. It’s soup. Eddie feels thankful somehow of being able to eat something warm. Myra smiles back at him and starts eating too.

“Have you seen how big the Miller’s kids are? They are starting high school this year,” Myra asks casually.

“Time certainly flies,” Eddie replies, invested as ever in appreciating soup.

“Yes, it does. I remember they were babies when we got married, do you remember that? They cried and cried during our ceremony,” she says longing.

Eddie do remember. He was so pissed off. The Miller’s came after to apologize and to congratulate them. Eddie doesn’t know to this date how on Earth he kept a polite manner.

“Yeah… babies are difficult,” he replies, making a non-pleasant face.

Eddie gets up and retires both plates to serve whatever Myra has cooked to eat after soup. He doesn’t know how to cook properly but he tries to be helpful at home. He feels selfish otherwise, and wouldn’t be proud of letting Myra think she has to do the chores because she is a woman. She doesn’t seem to care much though. She remains silent for a moment. Eddie serves what looks like a meat stew and sits back down. That will be harder to eat.

“Can you imagine how a baby Eddie would look?” She puts her hand softly onto Eddie’s. That triggers every alarm on him, he knows how this conversation will end, and doesn’t know if he has the strength to carry it on.

“Honestly, I was kind of a gremlin when I was little.” Eddie certainly had his moments, although he had a good heart as a kid and tried to behave in front of his mother. Myra laughs.

“I don’t believe you, you are such an angel.” She kisses his cheek softly. Eddie smiles, but deep down he knows something is wrong. He hates that feeling.

“Well I try, that’s kind of my job,” he says nonchalantly and munches some of the stew.

“That’s why you would be a great father, Eddie;” she shoots finally, “you already are, for a lot of people.”

Eddie looks at her, and then drinks some water. He can see the hope in her eyes. Myra wants a baby, since the very moment they got together. That took Eddie by surprise, and it’s not that he’s able to digest it better now. He feels guilty not to be the husband Myra wanted. It’s not fair for her.

“I… don’t know.”

“Don’t you think I would be a good mother?” she asks, desperate.

Eddie gulps. No, I don’t think so, I’m sorry. “That’s… that’s not it, you know it’s about me, there’s nothing wrong with you.” And there it goes. The lie that has been haunting Eddie since the first “Let’s have a kid”. He feels awful lying. But he doesn’t want to break Myra’s heart, he is not a monster. Eddie is pretty aware that having an anxious mother is not a good influence on one’s childhood. In fact, he is not better than her either. He wonders why heavenly father would want him to form a family, or his mother even, given the fact that it brings nothing but stress to him. Sometimes he asks. Obviously he doesn’t get an answer.

“Myra, I’m sorry I’m not… a perfect husband, I’m really sorry…” Neither of them are eating now. Eddie’s anxiety breaking hard into his ribs and his throat.

“Don’t say that sweetheart, I love you and you are the best man I have ever met.” That hurts to hear. “And we are nearly forty… please promise me you will think about it…” she takes his hands and looks at him, her eyes bright.

“I will,” he answers and pats Myra’s upper hand gently with a soft smile. He knows very well that his perception on the matter won’t change though, so that leaves him with a bittersweet taste, but what else could he possibly say?

They eat the rest of their meal in silence. Eddie is wasted. Mentally and physically. He excuses himself to go take a nap once they are finished. “I’m sorry, I’ll help you clean up later.”

“Don’t even worry about it, you rest,” she commands. Eddie nods and goes straight to the bedroom. He sighs in relief, being finally alone, and puts on his pajamas. He doesn’t even think about going to bed with the clothes he was wearing outside. That would be disgusting. He lies on his side, making room to his head on the pillows. He is snoring in less than a minute.

  ***

It must be almost time for sunset, judging by the lights that enter the windows on the doctor’s waiting room. “What a weird time for an appointment,” Eddie thinks. He looks around, there’s a foggy mist surrounding the environment. It’s almost warm so Eddie feels cozy there. It is a squared shape room, there are three chairs against the wall where Eddie is sitting, and three against the wall in front of him. There are two doors on the other side walls respectively, one is the exit and the other one is the entry to the doctor’s office. There are two more people waiting with him. Eddie doesn’t recognize any of them, they are both women. He wonders why is he here.

“Edward Kaspbrak?” Eddie startles and looks at Doctor Harris, who is looking at him on the office’s door, “Please come in.”

Eddie nods and walks into the office. The only memory Eddie had from this man was that his mother loved to take him for a visit, both because she was always worried about Eddie’s health and because his mother loved that man, she always said Doctor Harris was so handsome that every lady in town should be head over heels for him. Eddie was a kid so he didn’t understand then, but he does now. The man gives a weird George Clooney vibe. He wonders why he looks exactly the same. Both of them take a sit.

“Okay Eddie, I don’t know how to say this, but I need your help,” he announces.

Eddie is a little taken aback by those words.

“My help? Is that why I’m here?” Eddie asks.

“Yes. You’re a grown man now, and I’m old enough to retire. In fact I should have retired ten years ago, but unfortunately I died in a car accident.” He smiles. Eddie returns a concerned smile, not sure if he did not understand the joke. “So, it’s time, young man, for you to be the doctor”.

‘… Excuse me? I’m… I’m not a doctor,’ he declares.

Doctor Harris has already take his coat and is walking out the door. “Bye Eddie.”

Eddie alarmed stands up and claims through the door. “I… I don’t know what to do, don’t leave me, I’m just a priest!”

There are suddenly many more chairs in the waiting room, a person sitting on each one, looking at Eddie. He closes the door behind him in panic, resting against the door as if they were going to tear it down. As he looks around anxious for an answer, he notices the plaque on the table says now “Dr. Kaspbrak” instead of “Dr. Harris”. What the hell?

Eddie is starting to sense the familiar feeling of experimenting a weird dream. It looks exactly like those dreams where he was suddenly driving a car without having a driving license, therefore an accident seemed immediate. He doesn’t wake up though.

“Okay… okay,” he breathes, “I can do this. I’m in a dream. I can be a doctor. I know enough about health to survive.”

He sits on the doctor’s chair, and looks for something with instructions on the table. He finds an agenda and quickly checks how many people he has to see during the day, and what the needs of said people are. Once he is done, he starts calling on the right order.

It goes… surprisingly fine. Much of the pain these people are suffering are just anxiety problems because they feel guilty about something, and Eddie is good enough at the confessional. He listens very attentive and reasons with them. Then he just tells them to avoid such behaviors and pray. It’s nice and he is kind of flattered when they address him as “Doctor Kaspbrak”.

“Next one is… Mr.Tozier? Richard Tozier?” he calls out from the inside, while he is still writing down observations about the last patient.

“Coming!” says a familiar voice, and a man who Eddie identifies as Richie the demon comes to sight, “Hey doc!”

He is not wearing any weird kinky stuff, no weird demon parts showing either. He looks like the first time Eddie saw him. Eddie blinks in surprise but pretends he doesn’t know him. Maybe the Richie in his dream is just a normal person.

“How can I help you Mr. Tozier?” Eddie asks politely.

Richie snorts.

“Dunno. How can you help me?” he replies and makes himself comfortable in the chair, crossing his legs. 

Eddie narrows his eyes. Of course. There’s still a demon there, if this is Eddie’s mind, Eddie remembers Richie as a demon.

“Holy water? Sanctification? Some confession to make?” Eddie asks nonchalantly, the pen in his hand ready to write down anything he finds important. He has to pretend he is a professional doctor somehow.

“You know Eds, you are a little shit,” he claims, “you like this, don’t you? The doctor’s position. You feel powerful. You can order whatever the fuck you want and people will do it, because the things you say will be a matter of live or death. You are a cocky little shit. Would you like that, Eddie? Would you like to tell me what to do? Strip? Touch myself? Suck your dick? Fuck me on all fours? You wanna play doctor on me?”

Suddenly Eddie starts to feel very hot, the same way as if someone had put a stove at full power beside him. Some tears of sweat start falling across his forehead and his cheeks. He sighs and fans himself with his t-shirt’s neck. Richie grins. Definitely, this is his fault.

“Are you planning to burn me in hell just because I didn’t want to hook up with you?” Eddie says, gasping for air.

Richie rises an eyebrow.

“I’m not mad at you. I’m here to talk and suck your dick. Preferably the second one,” he states.

Eddie shifts on his chair in anticipation as if he had seen it coming. All his clothes feel stuck against his skin. He notices there’s a tightness on his crotch looking for relief. Whatever, this is a dream.

“What are you waiting for, then?” Eddie hears himself reply in a hoarse voice.

Richie sits up, straight, like a dog who has just seen a squirrel.

“Whoa that was fast. Are you sure?” he asks.

“Where does all this consideration come from? Don’t you want it?” Eddie says, although he doesn’t recognize himself in these words again. The heat is starting to be unbearable. He sinks a little into the chair and opens his legs, teasing.

Richie roars. There’s a loud crack and he is already between Eddie’s thighs unzipping his pants. He looks so hot, and so desperate. Eddie reaches for Richie’s cheek and touches his lips slightly with his thumb.

“Tell me how bad you want it,” Eddie commands.

Richie rises his gaze from Eddie’s crotch, astonished. He opens his mouth clearly in owe.

“Shit… Eds I really like you like that, you have no idea.” He palms his own dick throughout his jeans, his breath heavy with arousal. “I want your dick in my mouth like I need fucking oxygen, I want to hear you moan and come inside my mouth. You can fuck my face literally I don’t fucking care, please,” Richie begs closing his eyes and biting his lip, “Please.” He gives another gently rub between his legs, letting a groan escape his lips. It’s amazing how messed up he looks just like that.

Eddie swallows loudly, not bothering to hide his thirsty gaze anymore. Richie’s words are music to his whole body. He would gladly listen to him beg all day long. There’s a light twitch on the bulge trapped on his showing underwear, remembering him he’s not the only one in need here.

“Okay,” Eddie huffs, “Show me what you can do.”

Relief shows on Richie’s eyes. Eddie was waiting for a cocky smirk, but Richie is just being good to him instead. He gets rid of the fabric that separates him from Eddie’s dick in less than a second. Richie’s lips take the greatest part instantly, sucking gently.

“F…aah… Oh God.” Eddie’s hands help him to cover his mouth fast, just in case another blasphemy comes out. He wasn’t expecting to be loud, he has never been. He has never had this pleasure before though. Richie’s mouth is burning so much, Eddie is afraid he may get a first-degree burn. The demon shows a naughty smirk at Eddie’s words, but doesn’t stop. He works with his tongue on the tip instead. That steals another couple of moans from Eddie’s mouth, who can’t believe the gorgeous presence before him is treating him so good. Eddie rests a palm on Richie’s head, encouraging him to continue. Richie hums.

“Don’t stop,” Eddie manages to say in a heavy breath, as he is getting close to his peak. There’s a loud groan, and suddenly Eddie can feel fresh air on his wet cock. Richie has stopped, the fucker.

“What the fuck?” Eddie barks, betrayal hurting deep on his chest. And his gut. Richie looks at him with a pity face.

“…Sorry, hot stuff,” he says, the cocky monster, and thumbs Eddie’s tip tentatively. “I know you are close, but I can’t let you finish. Please don’t be mad. See you soon.” He kisses Eddie’s knuckles and with that Eddie wakes up in his bedroom, alone. He seethes as he rises the sheets to look at the tent on his crotch.

“Fuck,” he hisses, “fuck, fuck, FUCK.” Eddie is so fucking angry at himself for being angry to a dream. What the actual fuck. He doesn’t remember the last time he had an erotic dream, but he usually woke up in wet pants, which wasn’t really appealing, but at least he found some relief there. Now he has to walk to the bathroom and do the work. “Wonderful,” he thinks.

Eddie doesn’t really like masturbating. He does it because otherwise, his body doesn’t let him live in peace, but he doesn’t really feel good once he finishes. He feels dirty somehow. Those issues have never abandoned him. Also, he doesn’t usually masturbate to someone in particular. Attraction to people is something Eddie rarely experiments, but now he does. He wants to tear apart the fucking demon’s ass, and that’s what pisses him off the most. He curses all the demons in this world and their magic. Because clearly magic is why Eddie is attracted to him.

Eddie closes the bathroom’s door behind him. He feels safe, since it’s the one placed inside the bedroom. Privacy is a treasure, especially in the Kaspbrak’s home. And for Eddie’s mental health sometimes. Eddie takes a moment to consider his options, and decides that the best thing he can do is to take a shower. At least he will be clean afterwards, and the hot water is a plus.

That settled, Eddie makes sure the door is locked, and undresses fast, shivering a little as cold air makes contact with his body, especially on his raging erection. He enters the shower and opens the tap, letting the hot water run all over him.

Eddie is deadly determined not to use the demon on his sexual fantasies after today (not that he had any), but he has to cut him some slack and do it just this once. It’s not like he can help it, his brain is playing in repeat, and against his will, how gorgeous that sex beast looked as his lips were swallowing Eddie’s dick hungrily. Eddie could have come right there. So he gives a tentatively light squeeze and bites his lip not to let any sound escape from him. Normally, it took a few strokes for Eddie to get in the mood and start feeling any type of pleasure. Today is different. He swoons since the first one.

Panting heavily as he works on himself, Eddie leans on the wall, supported by his left arm, and imagines how the dream could have end. How it could have been the best blowjob he could have ever only dream of. Not that he craved for any normally, because he thought they were not such a big deal. Oh man, how wrong he was. At least if they truly feel like that one felt. He focuses on picturing Richie’s wet hot lips around the tip of his cock, bobbing up and down, and he muffles a loud moan. He’s close again. Vapor and hot water really playing their part on arousing Eddie more, he then envisions Richie still between his legs, touching himself, and looking at Eddie straight in the eye, all needy, as he licks Eddie’s cum from his lips. Eddie comes hard, biting his left forearm to muffle the pleasure sounds he is making. The orgasm leaves him there all messy and weak, riding the aftershocks. He is sure he hasn’t experienced a single one so intense before, even with actual sex.

A few moments after Eddie finally catches his breath, he cleans himself, and takes his time after that. Now that his muscles have finally loosen up, he deserves some relax. He lets the water run over him, and actually embraces how it feels, how nice it is to let the water drops take all Eddie’s anxiety apart at their path. Focused on that, his mind is blank and peaceful. It has been a while since Eddie had enjoyed something so much. He sighs in pleasure and smiles. After a few minutes standing there, the foggy bath environment notifies him that he should be heading out soon. He acknowledges the idea with a light amount of irritation. Eddie sighs again, this time resigned and turns off the shower. The closest towel is a few steps away. “Of fucking course” he curses. For the record, Eddie’s mom has told him a thousand times that the worst accidents at home occur in one’s bathroom, so obviously after a while you start believing it. That’s the reason why Eddie doesn’t like walking barefoot and wet. It amplifies the risk of an accident. Not that he can blame himself on this one though, it’s difficult to focus on things when you walked into the bathroom with your dick hard.

He looks around the room to decide the better path to take. The walls are similar to the ones Eddie was used to in his mother’s house as a kid. He couldn’t stand the pink flowered tiles that were all around there. Now they had a light touch of green, which made the whole feeling a little better, but there were still weird flowers. Maybe it’s just Eddie who doesn’t like bathrooms because of some stupid belief his mother buried on his brain. And now he is kinda stuck in one.

He picks the safer option, and walks slowly close to the wall. He arrives to the towel easily, but exhales in relief, like if he had just battled a dragon. Eddie chuckles silently at this, because at least he can laugh at himself in private. Once the towel odyssey comes to an end, he dries himself easily and comes out the bathroom to get dressed. It’s evening already, there’s nothing but the brightness of the streetlights coming through the window. Eddie goes downstairs and spots Myra on the living room, reading a book on the sofa.

“Hey…,” he says. He doesn’t know what to say, not like he needed to say more anyway.

She rises her sight and drops the book to her lap immediately.

“Eddie! Are you feeling better?” she asks concerned. Eddie nods.

“Yep, much better.” He notices something inside him is craving for a hot and reassuring beverage. “Gonna make some tea, you want some?”

“That would be nice, but honey make sure it’s theine free or you won’t be able to sleep tonight, you already did sleep for a while”.

Eddie nods again and heads up to the kitchen. He had always easily got on his nerves due to insignificant things, so he better does as Myra said. She knows him so well, Eddie wonders if he does know her as well. It doesn’t seem likely so. He heats up a couple of mugs with water on the microwave, and takes a few steps back, leaning on the kitchen counter. As he stares at the spinning mugs, he reminds himself he should carry on a little investigation about demons and how should he defend himself from one. You can never be too careful, and he doubts he will be able to sleep otherwise. He serves both infusions on each mug and goes to bring one to Myra.

“Here you go,” he says, placing it on the table before her, his smile as warm as the mug, “I want to check some stuff on the computer, I’ll be there if you need me.” She is wrapped up reading again but nods slightly.

Luckily, she doesn’t show any trace of curiosity about what Eddie’s up too. Not that he cannot make something up, but he’d rather not too. Eddie takes advantage of that and walks automatically to the common office upstairs. It’s a small room in front of their bedroom, clearly conceived to be a small spare bedroom. Or a kid’s bedroom. Anyway, the current state of said room is nothing alike. It’s a tiny office with green walls, surrounded by bookshelves and a desk with a not very modern computer on top. There’s also a small pullout in the corner for visitors, where they usually gather a pile of clothes, ready to be ironed after the washing up. In any case, nobody has used that pullout to sleep since Eddie has memory of its existence.

He sits on the desk chair and turns on the computer. As he waits for the home screen to show up, Eddie also gives a quick glance over his shoulder, to make sure the door is closed enough to let him have his privacy. Then he just enters the password to have access to his user (it’s a shared computer with Myra), and hurries up to open the Google home page. Where to start though. He wonders for a second and types the easier option: “incubus.”

Eddie scrolls down through the pages the browser presents to him. First enters Wikipedia, and some other pages that look helpful. They give him some basic information he already knew more or less. However, it’s more about legends than any accurate scientific explanation. The part where it says that some demons from those stories appeared in dreams to steal the dreamer’s vital energy catches his eye. Eddie’s heart skips a bit. What if that’s what happened earlier? But then, why has he wake up before…?

He rubs his eyes and blinks. No. There has to be more, he has just started. He tips all kind of words to find some witnesses on the matter. That’s it, someone must have slept with demons, and reported it. There has to be someone apart from him, at least the demon said so, unless Eddie has gone nuts already, which at this point seems very likely. He isn’t lucky on his search. All pages and forums he finds are purely fictional. Maybe his pure ass is so desperate for sex that he had made up this hot man. Still why would he picture that man, from the range of options he clearly had if he happened to have some imagination. Weird.

That’s when suddenly two words come to his mind, like a whisper, and he freezes on the back of his chair. “Richie”, “Richie Tozier”. Yeah, the demon said his name was Richie. Eddie had improved his remembering names skills at the church through the years, and it’s not like you can forget someone who has horns and wings. Also, later on Eddie’s dream, he called him out by his name and last name “Tozier”. Eddie swallows tense as he opens his Facebook, which he doesn’t use a lot but has active anyway to keep in touch with some friends. He can’t believe the level of idioticy he has reached as he types “Richie Tozier” on the social network browser.

Eddie nearly chokes on his own saliva though when he looks at the first user that shows up.

Chapter Text

It’s fucking him. Eddie can tell even though the fucker is wearing sunglasses on his profile picture, but that smile… Eddie clicks on his profile to verify. There’s a large amount of albums to verify there in fact. Every single one with pictures of Richie in weird poses and faces. “What a fucking clown,” Eddie thinks. A selfie catches his attention. It’s Richie sticking out his tongue to the camera. It’s not like the man had super big fangs, but his teeth are sharper, Eddie can see them clearly, resting on his tongue in a smile. Also, Richie’s jawline and neck are definitely doing things to Eddie, because he instantly dreams about going all over them with his mouth. And his hair… Eddie wants to tangle his fingers in that messy hair so bad. He might be drooling. Oh God.

Eddie shakes his head to sober up from his imagination. Since when has he been so horny about anyone? He is starting to be actually frightened. He can’t even control his own desire. Is that how people feel every day? Do they want to get into somebody’s pants all the time? He can’t even think. He just wanted answers and has a half arousal on his pants instead. Eddie takes a couple of gulps of tea to calm down, not without cursing at himself while doing so.

After a few angry deep breaths, he goes to Richie’s profile again and clicks on the private message button, not clearly realizing that’s the worst thing he could do. He has to blow off some steam though, and there’s no one else he can rant to.

“Hey asshole, don’t demons live in caves or something? What the fuck are you doing in Facebook?”

Richie is online, Eddie checks. He waits, keeping an eye on the screen all sulky, sipping his tea with a crease between his eyebrows. A tiny Richie icon appears below Eddie’s message, so that he can verify Richie has read it. There’s a pause and Richie starts writing. Eddie’s heart pounds hard on his chest.

“??????????? Who are you sir???????? I think I’m not the person who you are looking for.”

Eddie rises an eyebrow. Didn’t the demon know his whole name? He checks quickly he had his name and an enough accurate profile pic to show his face. It may be an old one, but it’s crystal clear that’s Eddie in it. Shit. What if there’s a real Richie apart from the demon Richie and Eddie has fucked up so hard? Panic starts to spread across Eddie. Then a new text appears.

“Hahaha kidding, how you doing Eds? You couldn’t resist looking for me, could ya?”

Eddie wants to shout. And destroy. He answers nearly breaking the keyboard.

“That’s none of your fucking business, and DON’T CALL ME EDS. I’m not Eds. I’m Eddie. Also, don’t get the wrong idea. I looked about your race on the Internet and I got nothing but legends and tales. Then I”. He makes a pause, not sure how to bring up what happened in his dream. “I remembered your name and looked it up just to try. And you don’t even hide dipshit.”

“Oh how did you remember? I just said I was Richie :P. And of course I have nothing to hide. People don’t usually know my whole name, or my face.”

Eddie shifts uncomfortably on the chair. He doesn’t want to elaborate but the demon is surely making him do it on purpose.

“I guessed it,” he lies.

“How smart. Tell me, do you usually curse that much or is it just with me? And also do people believe all of your lies?”

“Fuck off, just you.”

Now that he thinks of it, he might get auto poisoned today. He has been so foul-mouthed since he met Richie, he didn’t even think about it earlier, it came out so natural.

“I like that.”

“What?”

“That you just use your dirty talking with moi ;)”

If Eddie could spit acid, he would be burning the floor already and falling downstairs.

“Anyway, you didn’t answer me about your lies, I know your dirty little secrets, dirty little father,” Richie teases.

“What do you want me to say exactly?”

“I don’t know. I was expecting some scolding about how I left you at half blowjob and how much were you enjoying it before waking up.”

Eddie doesn’t answer right away. He is too busy having a panic attack. Deep inside him he knew, he knew that was Richie’s fault. He doesn’t know if he is ashamed or angry anymore.

“You are a fucking monster.”

“Yeah baby, keep that up, it turns me on.”

“Are you going to suck my vital energy from my dreams until I agree to fuck you?”

“Suck your… what? Ok. I don’t know what you read, or what you know. But the only thing I want to suck you off is your dick. And maybe your ass and lips. And yeah kind of? That’s what I do. I tempt you. Do you think it was easy for me? Leaving you like that? Fuck Eds, you looked so aroused and hard for me, I wanted to give you everything, you can’t… I have been thinking about it since I woke up. And the fucking dom roleplay, where does that come from?”  

Eddie doesn’t have a mirror, but he doesn’t need it to know his cheeks have turned an aching tone of red. He gets up to close the door in a rush and returns to the computer shamefully.

“Look I thought it was just a dream, okay? I don’t… I wasn’t thinking. If I had knew it was actually you I wouldn’t have let that happen. You can stop already those dream voodoo plans of yours by the way, because I will NEVER agree to such a thing.”

“Did you jerk it off when you woke up? I bet you did.”

“AGH you are fucking impossible. Can’t you talk like a normal person? That’s the only thing you can talk about?”

“Oh, you wanna know me?”

“No.”

“What then?”

Eddie doesn’t know what to say. He is just angry. Then the computer speakers ding. A friendship request pops up on his Facebook. It’s from Richie.

“I said NO.” He declines it.

“:(“

“Seriously why don’t you leave me alone? You are super invasive.”

“Hey, I’m not the one who has looked the other on Facebook, even though I knew your full name first.”

“Still, you are invading my PRIVATE life. My DREAMS.”

“But I’m giving you space to choose, am not?”

Eddie pauses.

“Well, you haven’t raped me. What do you want? An applause?”

“Hahahaha you are so cute.”

“FUCK OFF.”

“I mean it. Why would I rape you? Do I give that impression?”

“Well, kind of, fuckass. You are a creepy stalker.”

“Raping is not my style. I feed on the other person’s pleasure and lust. Rapers don’t get that. They just get fear. I cannot eat that. Also that’s fucking gross, thank you very much.”

It makes sense. That’s why he didn’t really forced Eddie at the church. It would be… ideal if Eddie wasn’t a married priest. Like in his mid-twenties.

“When you say like pleasure and lust. What do you mean? Isn’t it like eating fucking air?”

Okay now he may be curious.

“My body can sense sexual arousal and feed from it. I feed on your pheromones, your sweat, spit, semen… everything that the other person’s body release during sex.”

“Ew.”

“Oh fuck you, go eat your fucking salad.”

Eddie checks the time. It’s dinnertime already. He should get going before Myra comes in.

“Gonna get going in fact. Fuck you asshole. I’m banned of your menu.”

“We’ll see :) Sleep tight.”

“GO TO HELL.”

***

Eddie actually sleeps tight that night. And the night after. And after. At first he is relieved. He finally can go back to his normal boring life after the Sunday’s living nightmare. Myra doesn’t bring up the children topic again that week, which is also a relief. Luckily for him, weekdays make the both of them busier.

However, that doesn’t worry Eddie as much as the perspective of going to sleep, despite the fact that he hasn’t had wet dreams with the demon again. He expects Richie to have someone new targeted at this point, which curiously leaves him with a light feeling of grief on his stomach. He hates himself for feeling that, particularly about a man who knows for only a day. But come to think of it, nobody has ever desired Eddie as much before, so it… felt nice, at least when Eddie wasn’t on his nerves. Not even Myra. She loves him, for sure, but not that way. Their marriage is obviously purer. He wonders if she has actually sexual attraction towards him sometimes, but it’s not like he himself manifest any either, so it’s only fair that they are both stuck in an awkward situation every time some sex conversation pops up. Actually, they don’t like talking about that. When it’s not Eddie, it’s Myra who changes the topic affronted.

Anyhow, Eddie manages to put the thoughts about the demon apart. He spends almost the whole days at the church. He prays to be forgiven of his sins, to forget how he felt last Sunday. He has to be rational, he can’t keep the train of thought that leads to the gorgeous monster, it’s toxic for him. If they don’t talk again, better for both of them, because Eddie wasn’t going to concede and Richie would starve. Besides, Eddie is kinda angry at the thought that Richie just wanted that, like he at least could have had the decency of trying to befriend him before trying to get on his pants. He then remembers that he was the one who declined such offer and swallows a hard knot of self-loathing. Well, whatever. It could be no good to befriend a demon. He made the right choice.

When the weekend arrives, he gets nervous. Especially on Sunday, he doesn’t wanna repeat last week’s events. Not now, that he had put all his efforts on forgetting any chance of meeting Richie again. He tries not to flinch when he sees a couple of people that look similar, but they are not him. Sunday goes by as usual after all. Eddie is already feeling triumphant at home, trying to bury deep down the little evil whisper of disappointment. He has no reason to feel that, he has won.

It’s not until the next week’s Thursday that Eddie dreams of Richie again. This time is at night. Eddie is unconsciously dreaming about sitting on what looks like a desk from a police station. He can hear the constant hubbub but he hasn’t defined the space on his surroundings entirely because he’s focused on playing with his phone.

“Hey Kaspbrak! They want you on the interrogation room!” a voice says. Eddie lifts his head and sighs to the blurry figure talking. Candy crush will have to wait for him. It’s curious because Eddie doesn’t even know how to play the game, but he seemed to be winning. He stands up and follows up the ghost like he’d done that every single day. They walk through a narrow corridor. The figure stops at the door of the room they’re looking for.

“We think you’re the best for this case. We will be monitoring. Don’t let him deceive you.”

Eddie nods, ready to work on the case with the suspect. He waves lightly to the other police officer and enters the room.

“Ooooh, heeey mister police maan,” Richie sing-songs from the suspect’s chair. The demon looks delighted. He is handchuffed to the chair with his arms tied to his back. Eddie could have sweared that’s not how they used to retain criminals there but whatever.

Eddie walks slowly to the table. The reflection on his back shows he’s indeed wearing a police uniform. Not bad. He doesn’t sit down, he feels taller that way.

“What are you doing here?” he asks. Maybe his duty was to know. He sets that thought aside.

“Wanted to see ya.”

“Aha, so that’s why you…” Eddie’s gaze seek for the form on the table, “you peed on an Ikea’s expo toilet?” he finishes astonished.

Richie barks a laugh. He looks at Eddie with a shit-eating grin on his face.

“Come on, you know I just made that up to be here. Besides the showing toilets in Ikea have got a plastic covering on them.”

“Interesting that you know a lot about Ikea toilets, you sure you have nothing to confess?”

“Dude. I can’t believe you are taking this seriously. Yeah, I have to confess I want your dick inside my ass like yesterday. Next?”

Eddie startles at that.

“I wouldn’t try to joke in your situation Tozier, or either I’ll leave you here suffering for about an hour.”

“Uuuh… you gonna leave me here all tied up? Kinky.”

Eddie rolls his eyes, and starts pacing to the door.

“You know this is a dream, right? You are not a police officer. Although that uniform makes me wanna climb you up like a tree,” Richie says hurriedly.

That makes Eddie freeze mid-step. The realization of what’s actually happening dawning on him like a cold shower. As soon as he notices, a strain of anger fills up his system.

“So you came back!? I thought you had already forgotten about me. Jesus!”

Eddie starts walking anxiously from one side to another, like a lion in a cage. He has to get out of there, he needs to. But how? Is it as easy as walking out the door? On top of that, the disturbance of Richie’s presence, who is looking at him pleased with an evil smirk despite the fact of being all tied up, makes Eddie want to throw out a tantrum. 

“Eddie, please don’t be mad. I really like you, I thought we could talk,” Richie says calmly.

“Talk to me on Facebook, you asshole! I don’t wanna talk! I want you out of my life, damn it!” Eddie shouts desperately.    

“I thought this would be a nice way to see each other without having to actually see each other… plus you didn’t accept my friendship request.”

Eddie groans.

“Yeah, that doesn’t tell you anything?”

“Mmm… maybe,” Richie hesitates, “Look, I’m not really good at processing rejection. It hurts. I was gonna leave you alone, promise.”

“So what?”

Richie looks nervous. His arms around the back of the chair make his chest erect. He is wearing another flower patterned ugly shirt, but even like that, Eddie can picture the perfect form of Richie’s bosom.

“I… I don’t know. Maybe I’m just hungry, but I wanna know you better. I’m sorry, okay? I know I didn’t make a good start.”

Eddie snorts incredulously, and takes a moment to process Richie’s words.

“What?” Eddie spits in a mocking laugh, “are you asking me out on a date or something? If you wanna romanticize whatever your feelings are towards me, it won’t work. I’m fucking married.”

“I’m not in love with you, you cocky bastard. I meant friendship.” Richie seems honest. He isn’t showing a stupid smile, nor showing his teeth. He looks serious and hopeful instead.

Eddie’s lips turn into a little o shape, struggling not to let his heart soften at the demon’s words. Looks like Richie wants to be friends after all, that’s surprising. Sadly, Eddie doesn’t trust him yet. Probably he will never.

“You just said you wanna eat me, but then that you wanna be my friend. You see were the problem is?”

This time the groan comes out of Richie.  

“UUUgh… Can’t I want both? You know… friends with benefits. I had that once. If not…”

“NO,” Eddie barks, already more than done with the guy.

Richie shows his tooth row in annoyance and growls. The uncommon sharpness of his prominent fangs now showing clearly. It’s the first time Eddie sees him nearly frustrated, and he can’t help but feel a strain of pride warming him. It’s his fault, he has irritated the demon finally instead of the other way around.

“Fuck you. You know dreams aren’t real. So for your information, you could like bang me hard against that wall and still being faithful to your beloved wife. And that’s only making you a hell of a favor because I starve just fucking in dreams. I need your actual body,” Richie hisses, “Also, you are so full of prejudice for that tiny body of yours, short stack, it’s fucking disgusting.”

Eddie narrows his eyes and stays silent. He refuses to honor the demon’s words with an answer. However, Richie may have a point. But not only would that be admitting he actually wants to yield to the temptation. It would be deceiving himself. It would be still committing the act on purpose, even if it’s not in the real world. Suddenly out of nothing, Richie starts to moan. To moan lewdly. Eddie freezes and stares in disbelief, his heart pounding hard, warning him of the danger. How is this man even real!? Eddie’s whole system is telling him to flee from there but he seems to have his feet stuck on the floor. The short-circuit he’s suffering clearly rooting from his dick.

“Aaaah… Eddie, aah… fuck.” Richie is moving his hips up and down in circles, as if he was riding an invisible dildo. “I need your cock inside me. Please.” He closes his eyes in pleasure and bites his lips, which turn into a naughty smirk instantly. Eddie can tell Richie is hard on his jeans. It’s not even a good performance, it’s so fake it hurts to watch. Still it makes Eddie lose it at the sound of his name.

“No way. F…FUCK OFF, I fucking hate you!” a heavily embarrased Eddie shouts. If he is only at half-mast is because of the pressure his values are dropping on him. He turns around to avoid watching and covers his ears, holding tightly the part of him who wants to jump all over Richie fiercely. Fuck, fuck, he has to get out of there this instant. He makes a huge effort to wake up, which ends up in defeat. Eddie rushes to the door but it’s locked. He has no escape.

“YOU DON’T WANT TO BE MY FRIEND, YOU JUST WANT TO TORTURE ME!” he roars desperately, and groans in disgrace, eyes shut tight and ears enveloped with his palms, only adding extra pressure to his head. Life is so not fair, Eddie’s pretty sure he has reached his limit.

The moans stop when Eddie is almost ready to curl himself on the floor and pray aloud to wake up at home. Then Richie speaks while Eddie tries to catch his breath after nearly having a panic attack out of arousal. Which is weird as fuck. Eddie has certainly issues.

“Ups… sorry, was that too much? I… I sometimes overstep a little. Uh...,” Richie starts babbling ashamed, “To be completely honest, I’m still learning where the line of sexual harassment is... You can beep me or whatever. My friends do it a lot. Although I guess that was kind of a big beep, right… Thought you would like watching me like that though. Normally people do… sorry.” Richie looks at Eddie in a way that reminds him of a puppy who just bit his master by accident. His head hung low and his eyes bright.   

Eddie did like it. Deep inside him, under all the anxiety. Of course, that’s why he is trembling out of wrath. What he hates the most is that after that stupid performance, the fucking bastard has the guts to speak like that in such an innocent voice, pretending to understand how Eddie feels. So Richie’s apology doesn’t soften Eddie an ounce. He goes straight to Richie and wraps his hand around Richie’s neck in less than a tenth of a second. The other hand grabs the hem of his shirt tightly.

“I’m gonna fucking kill you unless you wake me up, I swear to God, Richie,” Eddie threatens. Eddie is not a violent man. God knows it. But he hasn’t felt this level of menace before.  

Richie flinches on the chair and swallows, and Eddie is pissed at the joy that fills his body as he watches Richie’s Adam apple bob.

“Shit, I fucked it up again, didn’t I.” It’s not a question.  

Eddie doesn’t answer, he holds his grip tighter furiously.

“I’M WARNING YOU TOZIER,” Eddie spits.

Richie sighs. His face a clearly expression of annoyance, ready to release acid through his words.

“I hope you enjoy your lonely self-satisfaction,” he finally says in a disgusted voice. “See you.”

Eddie is about to punch him in the face when he finds himself gasping and sitting up on his bed. He looks around, his breath heavy. Myra is sleeping peacefully next to him. Eddie’s glad he hasn’t wake her up. It would be hard to explain. He then feels a familiar tightness on his crotch, calling for attention. He looks down at his boner with a harsh judging look. “Are you serious? How the fuck are you that hard after that?” Eddie muffles a groan and goes straight to have a really cold shower. He refuses to masturbate and let the fucking demon win, he’d rather die of blue balls first. 

***

It’s morning already, Eddie hasn’t slept much, so he is extra grumpy. Above the inconvenience his lack of sleep is causing him, there’s this HD memory movie playing on repeat where Richie is begging him as a moaning mess. The achievement Eddie reached forgetting the demon’s temptation the past days all thrown away. What a fucking pain in the ass.

He gets up first as usual and takes another cold shower, which isn’t the perfect suit for a November cold morning for starters. It’s useful though, to focus on the cold water instead of his lewd thoughts, which only induce him to an apocalyptic guiltiness. Taking advantage of the cold, he manages to keep his mind blank as he dresses in a tracksuit and trainers to go for his morning jog. Fresh air on his face proves to do some good too at brushing Eddie’s agony off. That doesn’t prevent him to arrive home in a moody state though. He tries to avoid any possible social interaction with his wife but he fails miserably. He knows very well that he is going to give harsh answers without filter. Still Myra has other ideas of how to help so it doesn’t end up nice.

“Morning Eddie, you look really tired today,” she says. And just that triggers Eddie’s nerves.

“Didn’t sleep well.”

He bites his tongue, his jaw tight as he goes upstairs to change clothes and get soak in cold water again in order to erase every sweat rest his body has generated. It doesn’t take long before he is downstairs again, sitting on the kitchen table to eat something before going to church. He grabs a plate silently, without even acknowledging Myra’s presence with a glance.

“Aaw, my poor baby,” she tries in a soft voice, “listen, maybe you should take some vitamins today?”

Eddie drops his fork on his plate with a loud tud, clearly struggling not to answer. His closed fists resting now on the table.

“Eddie?”

He gets up and grabs his coffee mug to go outside. Today is not the day to remember him he should take pills, even if they are some “vitamins”. Thankfully, his anger management has improved in the last few years, so he is perfectly able to save his poisonous words for himself and swallow them. Besides, it’s not Myra’s fault, she’s just trying to help, it’s just… an unfortunate way to do so. This knowledge doesn’t stop his wrath monster to squeak his teeth ready to yell out loud though, so he counts ten on his way to the entrance door in order to calm it down.

“An answer would be nice, you know?” she tries from her sit, clearly upset.

Eddie ignores, tying his anger with all the strength he is capable of. He goes straight to sit on the bench at the porch, once the door closes lightly behind him.

Eddie takes many deep breaths, until he feels like it’s enough to survive his morning coffee out there without choking from an anxiety attack. The view is nice for a change, they have some green plants hanging from the wooden ceiling, and although they don’t usually sit there and enjoy the place, it’s nice to have the possibility. Also since it’s so early, Eddie can only hear the birds singing around to greet the morning. No cars, no people. Just him and the light blow of the wind moving the tree branches out there. It’s a shame he has to be so anxious every time he tries to enjoy it.

The slightest piece of calm he has found is broken after a while when Myra comes out ready to face him. Eddie nearly pours his coffee on his lap. 

“Look Eddie! I’m done with that attitude. Is this my fault? You can tell me. Is it because you don’t love me anymore?” she says, almost at the edge of crying.

Eddie looks at her alarmed, eyes wide.

“What? No. I’m not in the mood, that’s all.”

“Not in the mood for what? For saying good morning to your wife? For God’s sake Eddie!” she shouts, and storms back inside.

Eddie sighs. He isn’t in the mood for anything to be honest. Much more less a marital argument. He follows, rather unwilling.

“Myra, don’t make this a big issue. You know I’m sometimes a grumpy troll in the morning.”

She is sitting on the sofa now, with a tissue to hold her tears.

“I don’t know, Eddie. I thought I would be something that made you happy. And I haven’t seen that in…” she sniffs, “so long…”

Eddie stands in front of her at the living room’s door, heartbroken in shame, not sure of what to say or do. He feels tied on arms and legs. Like there’s only one correct answer but at the same time it’s very wrong.

“I… I love you,” he finally says sheepishly, although it feels wrong somehow, like a lie. He isn’t lying though, he truly believes that’s how love should feel with someone. They are married so they are in love. It should be that easy. But it’s not. And Eddie has been torturing himself about it, because something must be wrong with him. So that either he doesn’t know how to love someone properly, or he had a very wrong idea of what love is about since the very beginning. Nothing of that matters right now anyway.

“Do you? Because sometimes it doesn’t seem so.” Myra sobs.

“Y…yeah.” He approaches her and sits down on her side. Then he offers a soothing hand over her shoulder and kisses her knuckles with the other. “I do.” And just the two simple actions that are meant to make their bond stronger, seem forced to Eddie. He is not doing it because he wants to, he is doing it for her.

Myra doesn’t answer this time. She chokes a sob instead and then keeps crying silently leaning on Eddie, making him miserable. They stay like that for a while, until the clock signals that it’s time for both of them to go.

“I uh… should get going. You feeling better?”

“Yes, I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too.” He kisses her forehead and gives a gentle rub to her cheek. “See you later, okay?”

“Bye,” she nods timidly and offers a tiny smile. Eddie smiles back awkwardly and grabs his coat to get going.    

***

Eddie tries to use some cold air on his way to the house of God to overview his screwed up situation. So in essence, if he were ready to see a therapist, he would have to talk about his failure as a husband, his poor self-esteem about how much he has done to pretend he is someone who doesn’t even know he is. And on top of all that, the fact that he is now sexually attracted towards a gorgeous demon who is decided to dream play with his mind until Eddie surrenders to him.

Sometimes he thinks about just abandon everything and start over in a different place. It’s not that he had the courage anyway, and neither could he do something like that to Myra. But the longing for something like that feels unbearable sometimes. Something like meeting new people, getting a new job even. It’s not like he hates being a priest, he really likes helping people. The problem is that it gets hard to believe in himself as a God’s messenger. Especially when he carries out some tasks. For example, blessing water, baptizing someone’s children, or even adults. Even when he holds a mass. What does he even do? It feels like it’s just empty words every time. The feeling is likely to some puppeteer just playing with him and putting him there so he does whatever he has to absent-mindedly. But wasn’t it what happened though? Has he decided any of this to happen? His mother wanted this life for him, and he limited himself to follow the marked path. Eddie knows this very well, and although this thought remains better buried deep inside him, it pops up whenever he’s dealing with awful days to remember how weak has he been all his life. Religion asks for a heavy commitment, so it was easier to commit to it rather than disappointing Myra or his mum. It was also easier to believe in God when some elder priest were doing everything Eddie does now. Yet people believes in him and it makes them happy. It’s funny how the only thing that has made him rely on his powers as a priest was Richie, who stepped back from him the very first day he met Eddie as he threatened him with a cross on his forehead. Maybe Eddie’s destined job was to be a cool exorcist and defeat demons after all. He chuckles shamefully at the stupid thought. It warms his heart when some crazy kid’s thoughts cross his mind though. He feels young again.

Once Eddie is on the church, his mobile phone beeps with a message that saves the day a little. It’s from Bill Denbrough. He is one of Eddie’s closest friends in town, together with Stanley Uris. They went to the same school and grew up together. They were not particularly accepted by the other children back then, so their bond as kids was thankfully unbreakable, and it remains now, despite their very different life styles. Besides, it’s not like Eddie has a lot of friends, even though he knows plenty of people. Still they’re just… acquaintances. They are not Bill nor Stan.

It’s been a while since the trio saw each other. Bill doesn’t really go to church, Eddie is convinced he doesn’t even believe in God, and Stanley is Jewish, although he isn’t a really active member of his religion either anymore, mostly because he had problems with his father while growing up. In any case, they don’t see each other much.

“Hey Eddie, can you talk now?” reads the message Bill just sent.

Eddie calls him wasting no time.

“Hi Bill, how you doing?”

“Fine thanks. Listen I wanted to speak to you about this afternoon’s meeting. I called Stan and he says that it would be nice to go to a café near his house.”

Oh fuck. He had completely forgot that he was going to see Bill and Stan today. It’s not that he had anything else to do, but still he feels like shit for forgetting his friends.

“Oh my God! Sorry Bill I didn’t remember! Of course, I can go wherever you want.”

Bill laughs.

“It’s okay. Busy week?” he asks.

The truth is that Richie had been vanishing from his thoughs little by little, but still he was… concerned enough to not being able to think in anything else apparently.

“Kind of…”

“Don’t worry,” he laughs again, “see you later then? I’ll send you the location.”

“Sure. Bye Bill.”

“See you Eddie.”

Bill’s call has truly lighted Eddie’s day a little. After they hang up, the morning hours seem to go backwards. Eddie tends to get so excited when he is finally going to see his friends that he turns into a restless kid going in a road trip. He prays. Then checks the time. Then tidies up his tiny office at the back of the church and checks the time again. Only half an hour has passed since he first checked. Eddie groans.

He doesn’t have anything scheduled on Fridays, so he just has to be there in the morning for the visitors to be able to come inside. It's not like the place got usually really crowded either, so he had no one to talk too. He checks his mobile phone again with the address Bill had sent, and looks the path he should follow on Google Maps. It’s not really that far, twenty minutes at most. Not bad.

After that, Eddie sighs in despair and picks one of the old books from his office. A golden bible stand out at the corner of the shelf, and Eddie feels that it would be looking at him with puppy eyes if it could.

“Not you, I can recite all of your passages by memory at this point. And you know it.” It’s almost an apology.

Eddie sits on a bench in the main hall, in order to notice if someone passes by. His brain only allows him to read a couple pages of the book in hand before dragging again the destructive thoughts he has been fighting all morning. That makes him feel hopeless.

“Why did you make me like this? I mean, if you were going to count on me for spraying your word or whatever, I would have chosen someone less childish,” he scolds to a Jesus statue. The figure doesn’t give any words in return, which is fine because Eddie would have a heart attack otherwise. “or stronger, I don’t know. I’m a fucking mess… Sorry for the cursing but… I have always thought… I think I’m not the right guy.” Still no answer for the agonizing figure. Eddie wonders what the answer would be, and prefers to leave it at that in case Jesus is angry with him. It’s not like doubting God doesn’t make you guilty every day in Eddie’s position. His pride can only take disappointing one person at a day.

After spending the tortuous hours trying to focus on the book (and avoiding Jesus gaze), Eddie stands up in excitement to go home at one o’clock. He’s also relieved to find that there’s no one at home. Myra usually has lunch at the hospital on weekdays, she’s a nurse there. He opens the fridge humming happily and looks for something to eat. Gladly, he founds a plate of vegetables and rice ready to be heated on the microwave, complemented with one of the thousands notes Myra usually leaves with a tiny heart. A tiny beep comes from his phone when he is setting the time at the micro. It’s Bill’s.

“I almost forget to tell you that Stan’s bringing a friend. He says it’ll do him good to have some air today. I don’t know the guy but I don’t really mind. Is it fine for you too right?”

Eddie usually likes to have his friends attention for his own, he feels confident with them. But he doesn’t mind to know new people either at the time being, and certainly would not be a jerk about it.

“No problem!”

“Good!”

The joy he feels when he’s about to see his friends is stronger than any social anxiety a stranger produces to him. So he eats his meal happily and doesn’t give it a second thought.     

***

When Eddie arrives at the door of the fancy café, there’s no one there yet. Probably because he has started his way to the place before he should. He couldn’t just sit at home and wait so he had been walking around. Ten minutes later, Bill appears from the corner of the street. Eddie waves at him.

“Hey!”

“Hi Eddie! It’s freezing here you should have waited inside!” Bill says in tiny jumps. Eddie’s assumption is that he is trying to keep himself warm.

“I think I’m better than you,” Eddie laughs. “Where’s Stan by the way? He’s always the first to arrive.”

“Don’t know. I think he was going to bring his friend, more like dragging him here.” Bill keeps moving and rubbing his hands.

“How’s that?” Eddie asks not clearly understanding.

“The man seems to not be in his best days, so Stan is kind of… dragging him for his own good.”

“Oh… I see. Well, let’s be nice to him then. Umm… Shall we go in?” he asks not being able to stand Bill freezing right there in front of him anymore.

“Please,” Bill answers relieved. Eddie chuckles at that.

They open the glass door and walk inside. It’s a warm place, full of plants and leaves surrounding the walls. Eddie really likes plants. He’s not a fan of nature outdoors though, hiking is a nightmare, but he feels good having strong green colours around him. The tables are made of wood and metal blue legs. Some decorative candles are set on the center of each one, escorted by the menu. Bill whistles in admiration.

“Wow Stan knows how to choose.”

Eddie nods eagerly. They go to have a sit on a cozy corner, which is slightly apart from the rest of the tables. The place is quite crowded and it’s nice to have some space. Eddie takes off his coat and sits on the nearer chair, giving his back to the entrance. Bill sits in front of him and both of them grab a menu. There’s a combination of delicious smells already making their way to greet their senses. It smells like coffee and cakes mostly.

“I like this place,” Eddie declares. Bill murmurs in agreement. After that he really gets lost on all the possibilities in the menu. There are at least five types of coffee Eddie haven’t heard of before, each one coming in three possible sizes, and also a great amount of appealing teas. The more he reads, the more he hesitates on the right option.

“There they are!” exclaims Bill, waving at the door. Eddie doesn’t turn around, still immersed on the promise of cake and coffee.

“Hi Bill, Eddie. Sorry for the delay. Let me introduce…,” starts Stan.

“Holy shit.”

Eddie startles at the curse and looks up only to find Richie frozen and staring at him next to Stan. Eddie’s eyes go full wide and he stands up in a jump, dropping the menu on the table.

“Uh...?” wonders Stan.

“Eddie? What’s wrong?” asks Bill in concern.

They stay like that a few seconds. Eddie and Richie are locking eyes; meanwhile Stan and Bill look from each other to Eddie and Richie, confused as ever.

“Uh… I…” Richie tries.

“Do you know each other or something?” Bill asks, frowning at Richie. The question is clearly directed at Eddie though. Eddie doesn’t know what to say. He is at the edge of excusing himself and go home.

“It’s okay. I’m an asshole, it’s my fault. I had a bad start with Eddie here so… It’s okay if he doesn’t want me to stay. In fact, excuse me misters, have a nice afternoon brunch or whatever this is.” Richie finally says. Stan then releases a muffled gasp in what looks like realization and grabs Richie by the sleeve to stop him.

“Richie, don’t tell me…,” he begins, looking at Richie concerned and angry at the same time. Richie grimaces in guilt before giving and answer.

“Yep…”

Eddie looks at Stan with a question mark on his face. Stan returns the gaze and shrugs, sighing.

“Eddie, I’m sorry,” Stan apologizes and releases Richie’s sleeve resigned. Richie starts the motion to walk again, until Eddie cuts his way with his arm.

“It’s okay. You can stay,” Eddie says. He shoots a piercing look towards Richie that says “Please stay”.

Eddie doesn’t like this situation at all. A hell vacation would have been better than this to be exact. However, Richie is not going to be demon Richie in front of Stan and Bill, and above this all, Eddie would feel as a shitty friend if he made Stan feel bad about the whole event. Richie looks at him incredulously first, and then sits down next to Stan, with an awkward smile. Eddie sits down too, detaching finally his cautious eyes from the demon. He grabs the menu again to abscond a little from reality. What is the meaning of this? Since when were Stan friends with Richie? And the most important thing: how much does he know about Richie? The way he apologized to Eddie shows some kind of knowledge about the past week’s events, which Eddie doesn’t appreciate even a little. Eddie tries to seriously focus on choosing an option to eat because he’s nearly going mental at once.

“Oooookay… uh… my name’s Bill, nice to meet you I guess,” Bill says as he tends his hand to Richie awkwardly, trying to loosen the tension.

“Oh, same man, I’m Richie.” He shakes Bill’s hand happily. Even though, he sounds uncomfortable, different from the few times Eddie had to deal with him.  

***

Back in time to this same exact Friday morning, there’s a demon cursing at himself. The sun is already shinning. Its light goes through the windows of Richie’s house, warming him on his bed. He hasn’t got up yet but he is clearly awake. His room is a mess, he has not exactly focused on cleaning up in the past days. He is staring at the ceiling of his room since he woke up, wondering how much will it take him to die out of starvation. The last time he had a proper meal was more than a month ago. Since then, he had been wandering around night clubs, looking for some leftovers. Despite it could seem easy to entice some new victims there, it’s not. He can’t just get a casual hook up. Every time he gets nearly aroused, his demon form starts popping out of his body. That’s why he has to explain it first to the person he wants to have sex with, and that’s a pain in the ass. Most of them think he is crazy and laugh at his face until he transforms. Then they usually run away. That’s the main reason he can’t work as a prostitute either. The last person that fully agreed on those conditions was a witchy boy he met at a club, who was a little drunk, but not enough to have lost his senses. He was amazed at Richie’s powers and it went so easy Richie could have cried. Unfortunately, Richie has never been a long-term relationship type of person and didn’t ask for his phone number. Anyway, the leftovers thing works out for a week or two. It’s a little disgusting to play voyeur on people who are having sex at the corner of the clubs, but it’s useful to absorb whatever the air wants to feed him. The worst part is when they notice, he ends up thrown out of the place most of the times. He couldn’t even manage to pull himself together and go out on Halloween, when he can usually pretend he is just wearing a demon costume and flirt comfortably with anyone.

Above this all, Richie had to stupidly crush on this Eddie guy, who is clearly out of his league. He could even tell that the man is so out of his reach that he is in a further planet on the solar system, figuratively speaking. He is in fucking Neptune to be exact. Still, he had been so close to convince him last time. And Eddie likes him the way Richie is. That’s what he likes the most. He doesn’t have to waste extra energy shifting to something else.

Sadly, his hunger has caught up with him. He feels weak. It’s just a matter of time before he starts with the occasional faints again. The amount of energy that it takes to see Eddie in dreams was not worth it at this point, and despite that, he had tried. And he had fucked up once more. Maybe is worth trying Facebook again.

Richie groans. Technically demons don’t get sick as humans, but he feels feverish. And miserable. He grabs his mobile phone to text his closest friend.

“Stan,”

“Stanley,”

“Stanny,”

“Stan the man,”

“Stanley, Stanley, Stanley, Stanley.”

Then Richie throws his mobile phone next to him pleased and waits. It’s not like he has the strength to do anything else. He has an answer ten minutes later.

“What do you want Richie. It’s working hours.”

Richie grabs his phone eagerly but frowns at the message. Stanley’s kindness always kicking in.

“Rude. I feel so fucking awful. I fucked it up again Stan.” His head is starting to ache too.

“Awful in ‘I’m so stupid I fucked up with that guy I’ve been dying for’ or awful in ‘I’m going to die soon because I haven’t had a proper meal yet?’”

Sometimes Richie asks himself what good has he done to the world to have Stan in his life. He loves him, nearly in a fraternal way, like a brother. And even though Stan is not always nice to him, Richie can tell he truly worries. He’s the only one who knows about the demon thing, despite from some other demons Richie has happened to come across with. That doesn’t count anyway, because it’s not the same to smell an equal than to tell your darkest secret to a friend. That results into a stronger bond. There was a time in which they made a deal, mostly because Stan couldn’t stand watching Richie agonize in starvation. It was during their teenage years; Richie would turn into something Stan liked. It was easy for both of them, because Stan was too shy to flirt with anyone else and Richie needed it. It didn’t work for long though, Richie started to feel bad about it first. His nature told him to flirt with Stan constantly, and it’s not like they wanted that kind of relationship. It was weird. Besides, he didn’t felt like making out with Stan just because he felt sad about Richie’s condition. Stan has denied that a thousand times, but Richie has never had high self-esteem, just pretended he had.

“Both? I feel sick, and I tried to speak to him last night again. I thought dream-line would be nice since he let me suck his dick last time… We were in a police station. That uniform fitted him so well, it got me drooling on the chair. But then I fucked up and offended him again and he nearly hits me. Can you believe it? A priest like… mortal kombating me.”

“Okay, first of all. I don’t need details, and you’re aware of that, thank you very much. Second, why don’t you just go out and find someone new? I mean, obviously a Christian man is not an option, sorry.”

“Because I’m stupid. I don’t have the energy to go out and seduce anyone anymore. I wasted it on him, I thought it would be funny if it turned out fine. But it didn’t.”

“You are the dumbest demon I met.”

“In my defense, you don’t know any other demons.”

“I don’t need to.”

There’s a pause, in which presumably Stan tries to get back to work some more and Richie tries not to take the insult seriously.

“Listen, I’m gonna go for a coffee with a couple friends this afternoon. You wanna come?” Stan writes.

“No.” Richie doesn’t have the energy. “I’m not feeling good.”

“If you stay at home it will get worse. Maybe you see someone you fancy at the café?”

“Stanley no, seriously, I would rather die at home than in front of so many people.” He can hear Stan laughing despite the fact he is not in there.

“Okay, I’ll be there at four. I need to work, bye Richie.”

“What the fuck I said no!”

But there’s no more answer. Fuck Stan and his stubbornness. Richie throws his mobile phone against the wall, and doesn’t take long for him to fall asleep after that. His body is looking to disconnect and save energy like a robot. At first there’s this familiar videogame screen showing on his brain, where he can choose to follow a network of dream-lines and enter someone’s dream, but it’s getting blurrier each time he tries to focus on someone, like a mobile phone in low battery. He stays there in the main menu, allowing his body to rest. Next time Richie opens his eyes, he’s being dragged to a meeting that will bring more than a headache to some people.