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Tsuna sat at his desk at the front of the classroom and drank in the static that was Nezu-sensei’s voice. Everything was out of focus, and so many things were just Bad. The cover on the notebook mama bought for him, the sound of chalk screeching on the chalkboard as Nezu-sensei put down another formula, the fabric of the school uniform felt like sandpaper on his skin, and the noise it made when it touched made him want to claw his throat out.
Anything, anything, to make it all stop, to make it go away. He felt his hands shake, in rage, pain, or frustration, he didn’t know. There was nothing he could do to make it stop, and no matter how much he wanted to burn up the uniform, tear off his notebook’s cover, and scream at his teachers to please use a whiteboard I can't take it please!
His teeth ground together, he just wanted to sit down on the floor somewhere alone and cry and scream and scratch, anything but this.
Nezu-sensei was already erasing the last equation, and Tsuna internally wailed; he hadn’t even been able to copy down the last few, and he was going to start with the chalk again. Tsuna clenched his wrists, diggin his nails into his skin, trying to ground himself, to distract from everything.
When the bell rang, it was loud, and everyone else standing up to go to lunch made it so much worse; people’s uniforms sliding past each other, making that grating sound even more prominent. If tsuna wasn’t wearing the uniform himself, he would have tried to hide his head in his arms, but he couldn’t bring himself to have it against his face.
As soon as the halls were clear, Tsuna made a sprint up towards the roof, not even bothering with his bag or school work; it’s not like he would have any kind of spark of sudden genius that let him complete his homework. He just hoped that Hibari-senpai wouldn’t be napping on the roof today.
He pushed the doors to the roof open with his back, and stumbled out into the open. It was cool and cloudy, but not cold. Tsuna scrambled to the edge, and sat against the short railing, and just… let go.
His hands rushed to his school jacket, and he pulled, popping buttons off of the gakuran, pulling threads, as his breathing picked up. His jacket was off and he almost tore his school shirt when he pulled it off, needing skin on skin contact; he grabbed his arms in a harsh grip, clawed at his flesh, and screamed.
He scratched and scraped and raked at his arms while carving his throat raw by shrieking. This was better, much better than before, and he howled until he couldn’t. His breathing slowed again, and everything was so much clearer, so much calmer and smoother than before. He laid his head back, and let the stinging in his arms and the burn of his throat ground him back to reality. He tapped the roof with a finger, listening to the blood drip off of his arms and onto the concrete in a steady beat.
This probably wasn’t healthy, he knew that, but he didn’t know what else to do. He was the only one like this, nobody believed Dame-Tsuna about anything and nobody cared enough to try anything anyways; he couldn’t count on anyone but himself.
He didn’t think he could go back to the classroom today. His arms were torn and bloodied, his gakuran’s pants were wet and stained red, his throat was raw, and his gakuran’s jacket was smoldering… his school jacket was smoldering.
What…?
He forced his eyes to focus back onto his jacket and yes, the thing was, in fact, burning. What the fuck…?
“Creature.”
Tsuna looked up at the speaker, and instinctively tried yowl in fear, but it came out more like a rough and strangled croaking.
“Hib--” he was cut off by his own coughing fit, and didn’t try to speak again. He looked up at Hibari-senpai, eyes watering.
He wasn’t angry or annoyed, just confused (Tsuna never knew why people couldn’t read Hibari-senpai, Tsuna thought it was the easiest thing in the world).
He paced over to Tsuna, and sat down next to him, pulling out a first aid kit. Oh, right, he was still bleeding. Hibari-senpai started pulling out rolls of bandages, and it suddenly occurred to Tsuna that he must not treat open wounds very often.
Tsuna hesitated for a moment, before holding out a hand, making HIbari-senpai stop his movements.
“Wash them out first,” he said, his voice raw, “dis--” he hacked a bit, but continued. “Disinfectant. Then bandage.”
Hibari-senpai looked at him oddly, tilting his head, and Tsuna almost thought it was concern that he saw on Hibari-senpai’s face. Nonetheless, he complied.
The time spent caring for his self-inflicted wounds was peaceful.
“You are excused from school, Creature.” Hibari-senpai said once they finished, and Tsuna looked at him incredulously. “In penance, you will explain in some fashion what caused this. ”
Oh, that sounded more normal.
Tsuna simply nodded, and resigned himself to explaining something that he knew would be nonsensical to the prefect.
The rest of the day was relatively better; spent watching YouTube videos about natural history and biology, the only thing that really made sense to him, and attempting to explain what had caused his earlier outburst.
The rest of middle school was an experience, to say the least.
Hibari-senpai somehow understood what he said, was able to make sense of it, and tried to help him. When he was given his uniform replacement, it wasn’t made of the Bad fabric, and it felt great, he loved it. Hibari-senpai gave him headphones for the noise and gloves for touch.
The only downside was being forced into the Disciplinary Committee, which, to his surprise, didn’t end all that badly. His gloves had metal in them, and Kusakabe-senpai (“Tetsuya is fine,”) taught him how to fight, kinda. He was still pretty weak and small, but he was able to use that better now.
The fire that burned his gakuran jacket also made appearances sometimes, when he and Hibari-senpai and Tetsuya-san were together.
Tsuna was able to be more than he was before, and he loved it. He had friends(?) and a way to protect himself from the people in suits, and even a way to stop the Bad from hurting him. Tetsuya-san even went so far as to help him get the piercings he wanted as well!! Everything was going so much better than before! It had to last!... Right?