Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Of course it was cold. The bright winter sun did nothing to quell its bite. That hard kind of cold that split skin and seeped through the cracks to settle into your bones.

It would no doubt be warmer inside, but Nicole couldn’t force herself to go in. Even as her skull throbbed in the low temperature, she remained in the thick of it. As soon as she’d gotten out of the car, she knew she wouldn’t be going in yet; maybe not at all. Maybe she would just get back in the car and drive away without ever showing her face.

It would probably be better for everyone if she did. But she had to go in, didn’t she? She couldn’t not.

Her numbing fingers pulled out a cigarette and worked the lighter, flicking it repeatedly until it sustained a flame long enough to light it. The first inhale burned her lungs, contradicting the cold oxygen it replaced. Leaning back against the tree, she closed her eyes and blew the smoke out. As the stream passed her lips to dissipate in the air, she wished the heavy mess in her chest could be pushed out as easily.

“Hey Punk,” she heard the familiar endearment call to her.

Nicole pinched the bridge of nose before opening her eyes to see, as she expected, Wynonna coming to stand in front of her. She took in the sight of her for a moment; the sun lighting the hanging curls of her hair, with her hands in the pockets of her leather jacket and that knowing grin on her face.

She was beautiful…and it sent a spike through Nicole’s chest.

“What are you doing out here?” she asked, “Party’s inside.”

Nicole flicked the ashes from the end of her cigarette.

“Can’t,” she confessed, shuffling her feet, “I can’t do it.”

Wynonna hummed and joined her against the tree. She stood quietly for a few moments, watching Nicole continue to smoke away the stick between her fingers.

“Gimme one of those,” she nodded.

“No,” Nicole answered through a plume of smoke.

“Come on, just a puff.”

“You can’t.”

“Why not?” she asked then nudged her with her shoulder and her voice took on a mocking tone, “‘Because it’ll kill me?”

As soon as she said it, a hard sob burst out of Nicole before she could stop it. Her head dropped into her hands and she pressed them into her eyes. It was an attempt to get ahold of herself after the sudden outburst, but the action caused her to wince and pull her hands away.

“Shit,” she grimaced through clenched teeth.

“Easy,” Wynonna said, her voice turning softer as she moved to stand in front of her and get a good look at her face.

Her fingers danced over the mottled yellow and green bruising at the corner of her eye and spreading out and up her face, getting noticeably darker as it got to the still raw stitching along her temple.

“Guess even the hardest head can crack, huh?” she asked rhetorically as she inspected her face, “Literally in this case.”

Nicole just shook her head, bringing a shaking hand up to scratch the skin around the stitches.

“Don’t do that,” Wynonna ordered gently, pulling her hand away from the area, “Look I’m sorry. It was a bad joke. Totally inappropriate. But you love that about me, right?”

Nicole chuckled despite herself, sniffling once and lifting her eyes back to her, “Sure.”

Wynonna smiled and returned to her side, keeping her hand around hers as she did, and dropped her head against her shoulder. The silence returned, and for that Nicole was grateful. There was so much happening in her heart and head, she was just content to be in her presence without words. So, they stood there together against the tree, watching more people arrive.

Dressed and appropriately solemn; a few tossed glances their way, no doubt wondering all sorts of things and thinking on all the talk that had blown torn through town like wildfire.

“Oh shit,” Wynonna spoke up suddenly, “I can’t believe Shorty came. Remember when he found us in the basement getting shit faced on his best whiskey?”

Nicole laughed at the memory, “Yeah. He was pretty pissed.”

“Pissed? I thought the old man was going to have a heart attack right there,” she laughed, “Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad he didn’t, but if he had he wouldn’t have been able to rat me out to Gus.”

Nicole felt herself smiling fondly, “Never told my mom though.”

“Course not, he’s a grump not an asshole,” she said, “He’d never give that bitch an excuse.”

“Or he knew Gus would give it to me just as much as she did you anyway.”

“Oh please, that woman loves you like her own. I swear she wishes you were her niece instead of me,” she teased, “Has she been around at all? Your mom?”

“Not since before,” she answered vaguely, but the missing words were clear.

“Good riddance then,” she said, “You know there’s always room for you at the house. Hell, you can have your own room now.”

Nicole took a shuddering breath and dropped her eyes back to the cold ground. She felt Wynonna’s hand slip under her collar and ghosting along the nape of her neck.

“It’s ok,” she heard her say, “You’re going to be ok. You know that right?”

“I don’t,” she whimpered, “I don’t know how to be ok again.”

“Come on, that’s not the Nicole Haught I know,” she said, “That’s not my Punk. She’s all swagger and sexy determination.”

“It’s so hard, Wynonna,” her voice cracked, “So hard. It’s like there’s a scream stuck in my chest.”

“I know,” she said softly, “I’m sorry.”

“I just…m-miss…” she tried to say, covering her eyes with her hand again, careful this time not to press enough to cause pain.

“Shh,” Wynonna comforted, squeezing her hand still resting against the back of her neck. After a beat, “You ever think about that night? Couple weeks ago, when I came to your place – “

“Stop,” Nicole said sharply, “I can’t think about that right now. Please.”

Wynonna nodded and, thankfully, let it go.

Nicole sighed, snuffing out the little bit left of the cigarette against the tree and dropped the butt in her jacket pocket.

Wynonna snickered, “I still think it’s ridiculous every time you do that.”

“I’m not going to throw it on the ground,” she defended.

“Yeah, yeah, leave only footprints,” she teased, “God, if I had a buck for every piece of trash you just had to pick up when were just trying to have a woodsy romp.”

Nicole shared her amusement, memories of Wynonna giving her a hard time whenever she came across litter and was compelled to pick up. Shaking her head, she glanced over at the building and felt the slight pick up in her mood come crashing back down.

“You know you have to go in, don’t you?”

She swallowed and turned to face her completely.

“I’m not ready,” she whispered.

“Oh Punk,” she said her name gently, laying her hand against her cheek and rubbing her thumb along reddening skin, “You’re never going to actually be ready.”

Nicole blinked out a tear that stung its way down her freezing cheek.

“Plus, you got all dressed up, don’t you want to show it off?” Wynonna pointed out, tugging on her tie, “Come on, I’ll be with you the whole time.”

Taking a breath, she reluctantly agreed and started towards the looming building. She felt Wynonna arm slide around her elbow, keeping true to her word of staying with her. Once inside, Nicole stepped aside to take a seat in the back; Wynonna, still standing, looked at her in confusion.

“Dude, up front,” she gestured, “Family sits up front.”

“I’m not- “

“If you finish that sentence, I’ll brain you.”

Nicole looked around anxiously, her fingers tapping against her leg before she stood up to do as she was told. Making her way down the aisle, she was all too aware of the looks cast her way. She fought the urge to duck her head and hide her marred face. Though she knew it wouldn’t make a difference. Everyone knew what happened, even without the bruises as evidence, and it made her skin crawl.

When she got to the front, she saw Gus already seated. The woman gave her a sad smile that Nicole just nodded at before taking her seat on the pew across the aisle on her own. Wynonna let out a low whistle as she sat beside her.

“Good turnout, huh?” she commented before looking around, “Blegh, a church.”

“It’s like the don’t know you at all,” Nicole said quietly at the same time Wynonna mumbled, “Like they don’t even know me.”

They shared a small smile and Wynonna bumped her shoulder proudly before Nicole looked across the aisle again. She saw Gus sitting strong and steady with her arm wrapped around Waverly. The younger girl already crying; her entire demeanor was a picture of heartbreak.

“She’s so sad,” Wynonna observed to which Nicole could only nod before she heard, “You’ll look out for her, right?”

The request surprised Nicole and she turned to Wynonna, speaking under her breath, “I don’t think she’d like having me around.”

“I’m serious Nicole,” she showed exactly how serious she was by using her first name, “Promise me, even if she’s a brat who tells you off, just keep your eye on her.”

Nicole looked back over at Waverly just in time for her to look up, her wet, red eyes finding Nicole’s. She could see, beyond the pain, the way those eyes hardened when she caught Nicole staring.

Looking away and clearing her throat, Nicole quietly agreed, “I promise.”

“Good,” she nodded and looked in front of them and clicked her tongue, “At least they chose a good picture. I look hot.”

“You always look hot,” Nicole told her.

“Nah, you’re just good and whipped,” she teased, then ran her hand quickly over Nicole’s thigh when they realized the priest was setting up at the pulpit, “Here we go.”

Nicole didn’t respond; she could barely breathe around the new lump in her throat as the old man’s voice began to fill the church.

“Good morning everyone,” he began, “We gather today as community and family to celebrate the life and mourn the passing of Wynonna Pamela Earp.”

“Fuck, man, they middle named me,” she complained.

And Nicole just felt sick.

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Chapter Text

The service went on around her, but Nicole couldn’t focus on any of it. She was too busy working to keep her silent tears from becoming full blown sobs and making even more of a spectacle of herself. Wynonna’s commentary broke through the haze occasionally, but never enough to bring her back completely. At least until Waverly took her place in front of everyone to speak.

Wynonna fell silent and Nicole returned to the moment with painful clarity as they watched her little sister struggle through her words until she apparently couldn’t anymore. Nicole clenched her fists over the impulse to help in some way or offer some kind of comfort. Thankfully, it wasn’t necessary for long as Gus hurried to wrap up her sobbing niece and guide her back to the pew with hushed words in her ear.

“I’m so sorry Baby Girl,” Wynonna said as she watched her sister fall apart.

Nicole swallowed hard, wishing still she could ease the pain she knew Waverly was drenched in, even though she was sure she wouldn’t be welcome in offering it. She wasn’t even capable of helping herself at the moment, how could she possibly hope to help someone else? Especially Waverly, who had never been her biggest fan to begin with.

Ironic since, of all the people who showed up, it was only Waverly and Nicole who truly knew Wynonna. Really knew her beyond first impressions and town reputation.

When it was time to move, Nicole hung back. Following slowly as the procession left the small church for the burial. Dreading this part more than anything, Nicole kept herself separate from the group gathered around the plot.

She could see the dark, polished casket still and stared mournfully as the final prayers were read and it began to lower. The cold cracks in her chest widened with every inch of earth that swallowed it up. She was deeply grateful for Wynonna’s silence while it happened. Already dizzy and nauseous from all the emotions raging within her, she didn’t think she could handle hearing her voice while watching her body go into the ground.

When it was finally done and the crowd began to disperse, Nicole turned away, bracing a hand against the rough bark of a tree. Taking big gulping breaths, her hand clawed at her collar to loosen the tie and release the suffocating buttons of her shirt. When it was finally free and she began to feel like she could breathe again, she felt Wynonna’s hand across her back as she moved to stand in front of her.

“Well, it’s official. I am,” she pointed down and whistled, “in the ground.”

“Wynonna…”

“But I’m still here.,” she gestured over her body, “which means either I’m some kind of ghost, or you’re some kind of crazy.”

Nicole scratched at her temple, wincing when she felt her nails graze her stiches, “You tell me.”

Wynonna shrugged, “Hell if I know. Oof, Hell. Sure hope that shit ain’t real, otherwise- “

“Wynonna,” she said again sharply.

“Ok, ok,” she relented and after a moment reminded Nicole, “I meant what I said, you’re going to be fine.”

“You keep saying that. It doesn’t make any of this easier. It doesn’t make me stop missing you so damn much.”      

“Lucky for you then,” she said, “Looks like you’re still stuck with me.”

Nicole looked at her for a long moment.

“I never felt stuck with you,” she said with tears swimming in her eyes, “You know that don’t you?”

“Aw Punk,” she said with a smile, “I know.”

Nicole blew out a breath and nodded.

Good. She knew. Knows. Knew. Whatever. She didn’t know the proper way to think when your dead girlfriend was still hanging around having conversations with you.

God she really had gone crazy.

“You should talk to her,” Wynonna suddenly suggested, tilting her chin over Nicole’s shoulder.

Nicole turned her head to look behind her and saw Waverly standing alone at the grave; shoulders hunched under the weight of her grief.

“No,” she declined, “She won’t want me bothering her.”

“Come on man,” she argued, “You guys are, like, the only people who didn’t show up just to make sure I was actually dead.”

“She doesn’t- “

“You promised,” she interrupted, giving Nicole that look that meant there was no room for argument. She’d gotten in plenty of trouble because of that look.

“Fine,” she hissed quietly.

“Ha! Even dead I got your ass whipped,” she cheered, following along as Nicole made her way over, “Or is it you’re whipped for my ass?”

“It is a good one.”

“Aww come on,” Wynonna said spinning around to walk backwards in front of her, “That’s not how it goes. I mention my ass and you say…”

Nicole felt herself smirk, “Top shelf.”

“Hell yeah it is,” she emphasized with a slap to said ass, earning a chuckle from Nicole.

Bad timing as she approached the younger Earp who turned to her with a glare.

“H-Hey Waverly.”

“What are you doing?” she asked coldly, “Are you laughing? Seriously?”

“No,” she answered quickly, darting her eyes over to Wynonna briefly, “I mean yes but not because…I was-I was just…remembering something.”

“Right,” she said with a scoff, “What fun thing were you remembering at my sister’s funeral?”

“I was- “

“Maybe all the times you guys got too drunk to see straight?” she asked, “Or the time I caught the two of you smoking weed in the basement? Or every time she’d sneak out late to meet you and blew off school the next day?”

“Hey, not cool, Baby Girl,” Wynonna commented pointlessly, “Most of those were ‘cause- “

“No,” Nicole said, stopping Wynonna and answering Waverly at the same time, “No, just, I’m sorry. I just wanted to ask how you’re doing. See if you’re – “

“What? If I’m ok?” she asked, “My sister is dead. Of course, I’m not ok.”

“She’s got a point there, Punk,” Wynonna remarked.

“I know,” Nicole shoved her hands into her pockets, “That was a dumb question.”

“You can say that again,” Wynonna teased.

“I said I know.”

Waverly narrowed her red eyes and crossed her arms.

“God, you’re high right now, aren’t you?”

“What?! No! No,” she answered quickly and shook her head, “I’m just trying to…forget it,” she glanced at Wynonna with an apologetic face before mumbling, “M’sorry for bothering you.”

She turned to leave but paused to look at the disturbed ground. Feeling Wynonna lean into her back, her chin resting on her shoulder. It was so painfully familiar; for Nicole to be angry or upset and Wynonna to take that very position. It was her way of offering comfort with her presence rather than words. She closed her eyes, raising her hand to her shoulder, searching.

“You’re not the only one who lost her,” she said softly; opening her eyes and letting her hand drop back to her side. She looked down at her shoes and took a breath, swiping at her cheeks with the back of her hand before looking at Waverly, “And you’re not the only one who loved her.”

Deciding it was time to get the hell out of there and crawl into a bottle of whatever she could get her hands on, Nicole turned to leave. She only got a few steps before-

“Nicole wait.”

She paused, looking back to find Waverly staring at her. Her eyes looked as broken as Nicole felt, but beyond that was something else; something almost gentle. Nicole thought maybe it was recognition. Pain recognizing pain. She waited as Waverly seemed to work through whatever she wanted to say. Wringing her gloved fingers while her mouth opened and closed once without sound.

Then like a snap, that something vanished. A cold replacing it that rivaled the air around them as Waverly stood straight and stiff. Her features stone as she looked straight at Nicole.

“I never knew what she saw in you.”

Nicole breath hitched and she felt Wynonna’s hand grip her arm. She licked her lips and nodded once.

“Me either.”

X

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Chapter Text

“Do you think we’ll still be like this after a few years?” Nicole asked after taking her turn to inhale and passed the rolled cigarette to Wynonna in front of her. She felt the woman’s bare back vibrate against her chest as she chuckled where she leaned against her.

“I always forget how big brained you get when you’re stoned,” she teased while Nicole’s arms settled around her.

“I’m serious, though.”

“That depends, are you asking if I think we’ll turn into a boring couple that has the same old scheduled sex once a week in the bedroom?” she wondered, “God, I hope not.”

It was Nicole’s turn to laugh and pulled her closer.

“Well, a bed might not be the worst idea now and then,” she pointed out, “Not that I don’t enjoy getting impressions in my ass from your truck.”

“Hey, you should be honored to have Eleanor’s mark of approval,” Wynonna said, running a hand along the panel of the truck bed, “She didn’t mean it girl.”

Nicole laughed again and accepted the joint once more. Taking a deep inhale and holding it for a second, she got back on track.

“No, I mean,” she spoke through held breath before letting it go, “Do you see us like this? Still together? Still here?”

“Here? Hell, no,” she answered, “The last thing I want is to stick around this place longer than I have to. I’m out of here as soon as I can.”

Nicole hummed in response, waiting for what she hoped was an answer to the other part of her question. Daring to ask for her own sake.

“Alone?”

“I mean,” she started, running a and over Nicole’s arm around her waist, “When I picture fucking off from this place without looking back, it’s usually with you in the passenger seat. But if that’s not your jam, I guess that’s not tonight’s problem. “

Nicole pressed a kiss to the back of her neck.

“It’s not a problem at all.”

The alarm woke Nicole with a jolt, pulling her from the memory that her sleeping mind played over. She groaned at the sticky sweat she’d built under her blanket and instantly pushed the covers off her body, disturbing the large German Shepherd laying across her legs; no doubt a contributor to the heat disturbing her.

He let out a whine and a huff and her movements and stood up, shaking out his body and walking up the bed to lay across her torso and continue cuddling. Unfortunately, Nicole needed the relief of cool air on her skin.

“No,” she complained as his heavy weight dropped on her again, “Not now, Dozer. Come on, get down.”

It took a few moments of her nudging the big dog until he got the point, his large paws hitting the floor with thumps as he jumped on the floor and wandered away. Nicole laid back and breathed in the cool air, relieved to feel it wash over her skin, clad only in a sports bra and shorts. She felt herself begin to drift again back towards sleep, even as she knew she had to get up and get to work soon. Still, she allowed herself to play with the temptation, all the while feeling as though there was something tickling the back of her mind. Like her brain was half remembering something but her half awake state couldn’t quite grasp it.

“Happy Anniversary!”

The sudden voice snapped her back awake a heartbeat before she felt Wynonna jump on the bed, landing in a straddle across her stomach and bouncing. Grunting under the landing, her hands moved on reflex to Wynonna’s hips, holding her there; now fully awake.

“It’s not our anniversary,” she pointed out with amusement.

“Not our anniversary, dummy,” Wynonna said rolling her eyes, “It’s my anniversary.”

“Oh really?” she asked, playing along, “And what anniversary would that be?”

“Aw, don’t tell me you forgot,” she pouted dramatically, “I’m hurt.”

Nicole laughed, moving her hands down to run them over Nicole’s jean-clad thighs, “Tell me then.”

“Ok,” she agreed and played a drumroll on Nicole’s stomach, “I’ve officially been dead three months today. Ta-Da!”

Nicole’s good mood plummeted instantly. She forgot. Again. Of course, she forgot. How could she not when every morning Wynonna was there? Allowing her those few precious moments every day to believe it was real.

She’d long since given up wondering what it meant that her definitely dead girlfriend still hung around to chat with her. That she still felt her touch like nothing had changed. Nicole just accepted at that point that any sanity she had, had slipped out of the cracks in her skull back at the hospital.

So, she was crazy. Ok.

On one hand it was a drawn-out torture for her every day, but the alternative was not having her there at all. Nicole would take the torture if it meant at least having Wynonna in her life in some way. Even if it made her the sad town story who was occasionally caught talking to “herself.’

The ice water of reality that fell over her head each morning she remembered the truth, though, was something she could do without. Before she could stop it, her mind fell back through time again.

She opened her eye slowly; the other still blacked out by the layered gauze covering it and the side of her head.

She didn’t really care. She didn’t want to be awake at all, but it kept happening.

Her limited gaze drifted to her bedside and her heart suddenly lodged into her throat. Tears immediately bursting from her eye.

“Wyno- “she choked on the name, whether from emotion or the pain rattling her chest, she wasn’t sure.

“Hey Punk,” her voice danced to her ears and Nicole let out a hard sob at the sound, not caring the pain that flared in her chest from the action.

“Wynonna,” she tried again and reached for her, “They…They told me you were gone.”

Wynonna smirked and took her hand, “Not a chance.”

“Hey,” her voice, this time not in the past, pulled Nicole out of her head.

Snapping out of the memory, she looked up at Wynonna still settled over her. She ran her hands over her legs again, reminding herself that she was still there, whether or not she was there, and cleared her throat.

“I have to let the dog out before work.”

She brushed her teeth and got dressed, running her hands through her hair in a halfhearted attempt to appear presentable before making her way through the house. It was never much, but now it felt even less with the rooms noticeably emptier.

With her mom’s latest vanishing act lasting the longest yet, Nicole had made the decision on her own to start selling off whatever wasn’t necessary to keep bills paid and both her and Dozer fed. What little she’d had saved had been depleted and her car already sold to chip away at the hospital bills and her paychecks from the hardware store weren’t enough to get it done on their own.

So, she did what she had to do and would deal with the consequences when her mother came back. If she came back at all.

She whistled for Dozer and opened the back door, barely stepping out of his way as the excitable dog flew to the backyard. Nicole learned quickly that the big dog had truly earned the name given to him at the shelter. Dozer, short for Bulldozer, was gifted to him for his tendency to barrel into, and over, people when he was excited.

The screen door fell shut behind her as she stepped out behind him; lighting a cigarette and watching him run around the yard, sniffing the grass for the perfect spot to handle his business.

“Always took you for more of a cat person,” Wynonna mused from beside her.

“Me too.”

“Then why?”

Nicole shrugged, “I don’t know.”

“Yeah, you do.”

Nicole looked at her cigarette as she spoke, knowing Wynonna was right again.

“Something in his eyes I think,” she admitted, “He had this …hope when he looked at me. Figure that was something this place needed.”

“Guess that’s fair,” Wynonna commented, “Wish he wouldn’t ignore me though.”

Nicole sighed and scratched at her temple, feeling the pink scar that remained there, “He’s not ignoring you. He doesn’t know you’re there, Wynonna. He doesn’t see you. Nobody does. Just my crazy ass.”

“Hey now,” Wynonna bumped her shoulder, “I love your crazy ass.”

“You and he are the only ones,” she remarked, killing her cigarette and calling out, “Dozer, come on bud.”

After getting him set up, Nicole left for her shift at Al’s Hardware. It wasn’t a glamorous job, and definitely not where she imagined she’d be at 19, but it was a job, and the owner didn’t give her weird pity eyes like so many others in town. She arrived and clocked in where the old man sent her straight to the back to unload the truck.

She gladly got to work. Preferring the more manual side of the job to the slow front of store work that let her mind have too much time to think. She was preparing her last pallet to bring in when she heard a voice that she’d have been happy to never hear again.

“Nicole?” the deep voice said her name, causing her to turn reluctantly towards the speaker.

She looked at him for only a moment before turning back to her work.

“Customers use the front door, Doc,” she told him as she settled the last of the load and began pumping the handle of the pallet jack to wheel it inside.

Fiddling with the hat in his hands, Doc continued his attempt to speak to her.

“Can I have a moment?”

“No,” she said right away, using her weight to pull the load towards the back door.

“Please,” he practically begged her.

“I don’t know,” Wynonna said, sitting on top of the box pile. She looked over at the man, “Aren’t you curious what he has to say? Just a little?”

“No,” Nicole answered immediately, looking straight at Wynonna so there was no doubt who she was speaking to.

She waited until Wynonna held up her hands in surrender before turning to Doc.

“If you’re not here to buy something, leave me alone,” she told him before bringing the inventory inside and pulling down the overhead door before he could try again.

“Little harsh, don’t you think?” Wynonna asked, crossing her arms while leaning against the wall.

“Nope,” she said, going over the clipboard to double check that all the boxes were there.

“You could have heard him out,” she told her, “Have to admit it took balls to show up like that.”

“I spent a year hearing him and seeing him fawn over you when he knew we were together,” she reminded her, “I don’t owe him or his balls, anything. Ok?”

She pulled out her box cutter and started opening them one at a time.

“Following you around every party. Flirting with you every chance he got,” she listed, her movements becoming harsher as she thought about it, “Asking to escort you to my basketball games.”

“Slow down.”

Nicole ignored her as she continued the pattern of slice box, move it over, slice the next, move it over.

“I don’t give a shit if has, had, a crush on you,” Slice. Move,” But he had no respect for our relationship,” Slice. Move, “No respect for me or us.”

“We were together, and you were happy like that.”

She looked at the final box she needed, imagining Doc’s smirking face as he’d sidle up to Wynonna without a care whether Nicole was right there or not. She stabbed the box harder than necessary, pausing before sliding it through to look at Wynonna.

“Weren’t you?”

The woman gave her a sympathetic look, “Of course.”

“Right,” Nicole looked back at the box, “But that selfish, cowboy didn’t give -Ah!”

Her words fell into a shout of pain as the blade cut into her hand. She jumped back and shook the limb, “Damn it!”

“Shit, are you ok?”

Nicole grit her teeth and nodded, cradling her hand. There was a fair amount of blood already present, so she went to the small breakroom and used the sink to wash it off and get a better look at the damage. Wincing under the cold water, she was able to see the clean cut running down the outside of her thumb.

“Perfect,” she grunted, using her other hand to pull the first aid kit from the cabinet and open a large band-aid with her teeth.

Setting it as well as she could with one hand, she was eventually satisfied with the haphazard job. She flexed her fingers a few times and wiggled her thumb, luckily finding that, beyond the sting that action caused, nothing serious seemed to be wrong.

“Nicole,” she heard Al call through the back.

“Yeah?” she answered with a clenched jaw, attempting not to throw her agitation at the old man.

“I’m stepping out, need you up front while I’m gone.”

“Coming.”

She let out a heavy sigh and made her way out. Sitting on the stool behind the counter an hour later, she had already done all the busy work she could think of around the few customers that had been in that day.

That meant it was just her and her troubled mind to keep her company.

“How’s the hand?”

And Wynonna, of course.

“S’fine,” she mumbled, looking at the bandage, “Had worse.”

“I know,” she agreed sadly, draping her arm over her shoulders, wrapping it loosely around her neck and leaning against her, “Was kind of hoping you were done getting hurt though.”

Nicole placed her unharmed hand to hang on the arm in front of her, “Same.”

“Listen, about Doc- “

“I don’t want to talk about him anymore.”

“I’m aware. So just listen,” Wynonna requested, “Doc was before I met you.”

“I know.”

“And it was just fun. It was never anything more. Not for me. Not like with you, ok? We were real, and I’ve always been happy with you. Even when you drove me nuts. Nothing changes that.”

She placed a kiss to the side of Nicole’s head, “Promise.”

Nicole squeezed her fingers around her forearm and tilted her head back to give her a small smile. The moment settled between them.

“And speaking of promises…” Wynonna started, moving to jump up and sit on the counter in front of her, “Seen Waverly lately?”

Nicole scratched her temple again, “You know I haven’t.”

Wynonna clicked her tongue, “Now I’ve never known you to be a liar, Punk.”

“It’s not like I’m spending a lot of time out and about where I’d run into her,” she offered as an excuse, “Plus you saw how well it went last time. I don’t know what you expect me to do.”

The bell above the door rang and Wynonna crossed her arms.

“I expect you to figure it out ‘cause you’ve got customers.”

Nicole looked around Wynonna and felt her spine stiffen when she realized Gus and Waverly were now entering the store.

Shit.

Gus spoke first when they reached the counter.

“Hello Nicole,” she greeted with a kind smile, “How are you, hon? Haven’t seen much of you these days?”

“Yeah,” she cleared her throat, “You know, been busy with work and all.”

Gus looked around the empty shop before looking back to her with a knowing look, “I see that.”

Nicole fiddled pointlessly with the pens at the register, feeling caught in her clear avoidance.

“Um, what can I do for you today?”

Gus took the change of subject with a nod.

“South fence is rotting away. Surprised it’s lasted this long,” she told her, “I need to order some wood and if you have a name for someone who can do the job honestly, I’d appreciate it.”

“You have the measurements?” Nicole asked, glad to have a script now to get through the conversation, when Gus nodded and handed her the information on a slip of paper, Nicole began preparing the order form, “It’ll take about a week to come in.”

“More than fine,” she nodded, writing out a check after when she saw the total and handing it over, “and the names?”

“Gus,” Waverly said softly, speaking for the first time, “I told you Champ can handle it.”

Looking at her niece, Gus looked at her as though they’d had this conversation already, “Let’s just look at our options then.”

Nicole made a point to keep her eyes on the rolodex of contractors Al kept for this purpose, doing her best to appear as though she wasn’t listening. She wrote some names and numbers on their copy of the order and gave it over.

“I don’t know any of them personally, but never had any complaints from people they’ve worked for.”

“Wonderful, thank you.”

“Anything else I can do for you?” she asked, hoping terribly that the answer was no so they could leave and allow her to breathe again.

“Actually,” she began carefully after sharing another look with Waverly, “I need one of those For Sale signs, too.”

She pulled out her wallet as Nicole blinked curiously, “Uh, yeah.”

She took it upon herself to grab one from the nearby shelf and set it on the counter to ring up.

“That’s $1.19.”

Gus handed her a five and Nicole tried to appear nonchalant as she gathered her change.

“So…finally selling that old tractor?” she asked, trying not to seem like she was prying into their business, but there was a strange new pit in her stomach for some reason, “I can put a notice on the board if you want.”

Gus was quiet for a moment, doing nothing to help that sinking feeling.

“No, actually,” she said, and Nicole had no idea why her heart was pounding so hard, “The truck.”

“What?!” Wynonna barked at the same time Nicole dropped the coins in her hand, hearing them bounce across the floor.

“The…” she blinked again trying to register the news before remembering the change and quickly moving to replace them and just pick up what she’d dropped later. She set it down on the counter before her shaking hand could drop it again, “You’re…selling her truck? But…”

“I know, darlin’, but the thing’s been on it’s last legs for years and it’s just- “

“You can’t,” she whispered and shook her head. Some stranger in Wynonna’s truck? In Eleanor? Riding around in the truck Wynonna loved? The truck they’d spent so much time in? Or worse, ripping it to shreds for parts?

“I know it’s hard, Nicole,” Gus tried to explain gently, “We didn’t come to the decision easy.”

“We?” Nicole repeated, her eyes falling to Waverly who seemed to be refusing to look her way.

“They can’t do that!” Wynonna complained beside her, “You can’t let them, Nicole, come on. It’s mine. They don’t get to decide- “

“It’s just sitting there, Nicole,” Gus drew her attention back, “If someone can get use from it…”

Nicole’s eyes pinched shut, trying to wrap her head around what was happening while Gus and Wynonna continued talking around her.

“…even for parts, it makes more sense.”

“How much?” Nicole heard herself ask suddenly, her eyes opening and darting from Wynonna to Gus desperately. Swallowing hard, she repeated herself, “How much are you asking? I’ll buy it.”

“How are you going to afford- “Waverly started with a scoff.

“I’ll make it work,” Nicole snapped in her direction before turning her pleading eyes to the older woman, “Please. Just tell me. I’ll do whatever it takes. I can make it work.”

Gus looked her over, making Nicole feel as though she was being sized up. Knowing the woman was likely searching for some sort of proof of the legitimacy of her claim. Even as she said it Nicole’s mind was already running through her options for following through. There was more she could sell; she’d held on to the tv so far, but she could live without it. There had to be more.

She could get a second job. Or a third if she had to.

She just needed a number.

“Please,” she said again, sounding pathetic and begging even to herself.

After a moment, Gus seemed to settle whatever her mind had been working over and she let out a sigh.

“Tell you what,” she started, “I think I know what we can do.”

X

X

X

Chapter Text

Nicole looked around as she peeked out the door, making sure no one was around before slipping out. She kept it from closing all her way with a notebook against the jamb and stepped aside to lean back against the wall. One more glance around her to confirm she was in fact alone, she pulled out a cigarette from the crumpled pack in her bag and lit it. Feeling her anxiousness begin to ease at the first inhale in her lungs.

She closed her eyes and let herself just enjoy the first touch of peace and quiet of the day.

“You know smoking on school property is a big no-no,” The voice startled her eyes open and she saw a girl walking towards her, “Lucado will have your ass. There’s no place for a degenerate punk in her school. Her words.”

Nicole swallowed and nervously looked at the stranger as she got closer, “I’m not a… I was just- “

“Holding it for a friend?” she interrupted and took the cigarette out of Nicole’s hands to take a puff of her own, “Good job.”

Confused, Nicole watched her smoke with practiced ease, “You’re not gonna tell?”

“Tell who what?” she said with a smirk, offering it back to her and leaning against the wall as well, “Unclench, dude. Why do you think I have that phrase memorized?”

Nicole relaxed a bit and let herself start smoking again without worry.

“I don’t know you. You new?”

“What, you know everyone in school?”

She let out a laugh, “In this tiny shit hole? Pretty much.”

Nicole nodded. That made sense she supposed. From what she’d seen of Purgatory it was a pretty small town.

“First day,” she told her, handing her the cigarette again, “I’m Nicole.”

She smiled, “Wouldn’t peg someone called Nicole as a punk.”

“What’s your name, then?”

“I’m shocked my reputation hasn’t preceded me,” she remarked, “I’m Wynonna.”

Nicole snickered, “And my name is silly.”

“Hey,” she remarked, “I didn’t say silly. Just unexpected. Respect the Wy, punk.”

Nicole laughed at that and moved to take another smoke when they heard the door being pushed open. In shock she turned to look, barely registering the feeling of the cigarette being taken from her hand as a head popped out through the door.

“What’s going on out here?” the woman’s asked sharply.

“Hey Ms. Clanton,” Wynonna said brightly, “Nothing much. New girl was giving me a hard time about smoking. Guess you got another stickler on your hands.”

The woman looked between the two girls and settled a glare on Wynonna, “Put that out, Earp. Mrs. Lucado will be interested in another chat with you about this.”

She pushed the door open completely and pointed inside. Wynonna tossed the butt on the ground and picked up Nicole’s notebook. Waving it in her direction, she left with a wink.

“See you around, Punk.”

X

Nicole rubbed her face and groaned, slamming her phone on the countertop.

“This is so stupid,” she complained after the video was out of sight.

In the days since taking Gus up on her offer, she’d spent all her free time researching the topic, watching videos, and awkwardly asking Al for advice. She might have fibbed a bit when Gus asked if she knew what to do. In theory she did know, but in practice not so much.

“Yeah, you really got yourself in a spot, huh?”

She groaned again at Wynonna’s words and scratched at her scar. Wynonna was only confirming what she already knew.

“This is a disaster,” she complained, “I’m gonna fuck it up and piss everyone off. Your truck is going to end up in a junkyard or rotting away at Arby’s place.”

“Don’t even joke about that,” Wynonna replied instantly, “Eleanor deserves more than to be spend the rest of her life getting filled with his fast-food farts.”

“Ugh,” Nicole shook her head at the description, “Well, if I screw this up- “

“You won’t screw it up,” she argued, “Come on you’re handy as hell, a total stereotype. You got this.”

“Unclogging a sink and putting a bookshelf together is hardly the same level as replacing a whole fence.”

“I said,” she repeated, putting her hand on both sides of her head and tilting it back to look up at her, “you’ve got this. Have I ever lied to you?”

Nicole let out a laugh and sniffled, “Do you want me to answer that?”

Wynonna rolled her eyes and swiped hair away from Nicole’s forehead, “I mean about something important, dingus.”

Shaking her head, Nicole took a breath, “I guess we’re about to find out.”

X

“I don’t get why you’re doing this,” Waverly told her aunt, “If you didn’t want Champ to do it, just hire someone like you were going to.”

“I did hire someone,” she answered with a smirk as she stirred the lemonade she was making.

“No, you’re doing a favor,” she argued, “Isn’t the point of selling the truck to sell it?”

“The point, sweet niece, is to let it go to someone who will get some use out of it. A trade works just as well to do that. Now sit.”

Waverly dropped into the chair and stared at the plate in front of her.

“I just think if you’re so fine with someone doing it who isn’t a professional, you could’ve let Champ. He said he would, and you know he was always helping Uncle Curtis out when he was alive.”

“Honey, I’m there’s plenty that boy is good at, but working quickly ain’t one of them,” she told her, “Yes, your uncle took him on for plenty of jobs, but damn if I didn’t have to hear about his lollygagging every time.”

Waverly couldn’t argue with that. Champ wasn’t exactly motivated to do much that didn’t have to do with cattle roping or trying to convince her to finally have sex with him.  She sighed and picked at the salad placed in front of her.

“Well what makes you think Nicole will do any better?” she asked pointedly.

“Cause she’s working for something,” Gus reminded her.

“But- “

“Honey, it’s settled,” she said firmly, “I suggest you find a way to live with it in the meantime.”

Gus took a sip of her lemonade.

“And you might try being nice when you see her around here,” Gus advised, “I never understood what you had against that girl. You know how important she was to your sister.”

Losing her appetite, Waverly abruptly stood and snapped, “Trust me, I’m aware.”

Gus sighed as she walked away, her eyes moving to linger on the empty chairs around her.

Waverly was just stepping on the stairs when she heard the knocking on the front door. She knew who it would be and wondered if she could get away with pretending she was too far upstairs to answer.

“Waverly, get the door please.”

So much for that.

She made sure to stomp loud enough for her aunt to hear. It was bratty and petulant, but she honestly didn’t care at the moment.

Nicole was working to catch her breath on the porch and taken back when the door quickly swung open; she quickly pulled herself to stand up straight. Swallowing in her dry throat, she tried to appear as if she hadn’t already worn herself out biking to the homestead.

“Hey,” she greeted awkwardly, “How’s it…”

Waverly already turned away from her and shouting into the house.

“Gus, it’s for you,” she called out and walked away.

“…going.” Nicole finished lamely and looked at Wynonna, raising an eyebrow at yet more evidence that her younger sister wanted nothing to do with her.

Wynonna only shrugged as Gus came into view farther in the house.

“Hi Nicole, come on in,” she invited.

Nicole felt the lead in her feet standing just outside the doorway. Her hesitation to do what the woman asked was clear to anyone looking.

She hadn’t been in the homestead since before Wynonna died. She hadn’t thought about this part. Of course, she’d be expected to go inside. It was probably nothing for the woman to invite her, but to Nicole, she was standing at the mouth of a monster. The doorway covered with teeth, beckoning her forward to be swallowed up.

“You think it’s gonna bite?” Wynonna asked, as if reading her mind. Though maybe, if she existed within it, that was exactly what she was doing, “Go ahead.”

“I…” she started quietly to Wynonna before she saw Gus approaching curiously, “I just figure it’s probably best to get started, right?”

Stopping in front of her, Gus tilted her head with a small smile, “Sure. So, come on in and we’ll just go over everything proper.”

Nicole’s eyes drifted to Wynonna again, this time causing Gus to follow her eyes to look as well. However, it wasn’t her niece that she saw, instead she noticed the rocky driveway.

“Where’s your car?” she asked realizing it wasn’t there, “Did your mom drop you off?”

“Oh, um, no she’s…not around right now,” she cleared her throat and gestured to the bicycle resting against the house, “I took my bike.”

“You rode your bike all this way?” Gus asked in wonder, no doubt calculating the distance in her head, “Hell girl, if something’s wrong with your car you should have called for a ride, I would’ve picked you up.”

At Nicole’s silence, Gus sighed, “Well you’re getting a ride back tonight.”

“No, you don’t have to- “

“Now have I ever let you argue with me, Nicole Haught?”

Nicole felt her cheeks blush at the full named reprimand and looked at her boots, “No ma’am.”

“That’s what I thought,” she nodded, “Now you’re wasting daylight. Get in here, have something to drink and we’ll get this going, yeah?”

Gus turned away, leaving no more room for delay. Wynonna put a hand on her shoulder and tipped her head towards the doorway.

“You heard the woman,” she said, throwing a smile at Nicole.

Taking a breath, Nicole carefully moved her foot across the threshold. She followed with her other foot and stood for a moment just inside. She didn’t know what she expected, maybe the floor to vanish and send her dropping into the earth at the first sign of her weight on the wood. But nothing happened.

So, she took another step, and then another, following the woman towards the kitchen table. She was careful not to let her eyes wander from her feet to any reminders that may be scattered through the house. Nicole already felt like she was slipping through some sort of dangerous territory as it was, she couldn’t tempt it.

“Well now, I hope you’re planning to work at a faster pace than this,” Gus joked, causing Nicole to look up.

When she did, though, she didn’t just see Gus. She saw Wynonna sitting at the table with her aunt, smiling and waiting for her.

Seeing her there, just sitting in the house as if nothing changed…the air suddenly felt different.

“Hey Punk, you’re staying for dinner, aren’t you?”

It was like the oxygen was something solid around her; squeezing her body and impossible to take into her lungs to help herself.

“C’mon, I told Gus here that you had manners.”

Her knees wobbled beneath her and Nicole feared she was about to fall over. She hurried towards the chair on muscle memory and fell into it before she could hit the ground; the table rattling as she landed. Her head fell into her hands as she searched for her bearings.

“Whoa!” she heard from Wynonna behind her at the same time Gus came to her side.

“Honey, are you ok?” Gus asked worriedly, laying a hand on her back. Right where Wynonna’s had been a moment ago, the older woman’s touch vanishing hers away.

“Don’t,” Nicole flinched, causing Gus to remove her hand from the tense back; allowing Nicole to feel Wynonna once more and ease her muscles.

“What’s wrong, Nicole?” at the same time Wynonna asked, “What’s going on?”

“M’ok,” Nicole mumbled, face still leaning heavily in her palms, “Guess the ride took more out of me than I thought.”

It was a believable excuse. Or maybe it wasn’t an excuse at all. Maybe that did have something to do with it.

“Here, drink this,” Gus suggested, putting a glass of water in front of her. Nicole took it with both hands and swallowed the cold drink down quickly. She took a few breaths, hoping to steady herself enough to keep the woman’s worry at bay.

“I’m sorry,” she apologized, embarrassed at the display she’d put on in front of Gus, “I’m-I’m already feeling better. I’m good to get started. Sorry.”

“You’re starting nothin’,” she said, “We’ll go over the plans and details and such, you’ll stay for dinner and we’ll give you a ride home. Tomorrow you can get started, hear me?”

Nicole nodded, keeping her eyes on the table as she picked ran her fingers over the glass.

“Good,” Gus said, glad to have it settled, “What’s wrong with your car? You think it will be ready soon?”

Nicole swallowed, feeling guilty for letting the woman continue to think her car was at the shop rather than having sold it to keep the lights on. But she was already feeling sorry for her enough.

“No,” she answered, “It’ll be a little while.”

“Ok, then someone will pick you up, too.”

Nicole rubbed her eyes and finally managed to look up at the woman, “Why are you doing all this? Working with me?”

“Well that depends, if you want to keep it simple,” she started, “You want the truck, I need my fence fixed. It can be as simple as that,” she paused, “But if you want to go deeper…You’re a good kid, Nicole. You loved my niece something fierce. And she loved you right back. I know losing her- “

“I d…” Nicole interrupted and cleared her throat, “Can we keep it simple then? I’m sorry, I just…”

She trailed off, not able to form the proper words the woman deserved for explanation. It seemed to be unnecessary, however as Gus just nodded her head in understanding.

“Ok,” she said gently, “Let me show you what going on.”

She brought out the plans and went over measurements and what was expected of her. It was still pretty daunting to be trusted with the job, but she felt a little better at seeing it all laid out. It also helped to distract Nicole from her surroundings, even as Wynonna remained silent and steady, running her fingers along her back the entire time. The heavy feeling didn’t completely leave her, however, until they stepped outside.

“Better?” Wynonna asked softly while her aunt pointed to the fence at the far end of the property.

Nicole looked at her from the corner of her eye and nodded, carefully not to be outwardly obvious. As she began to feel more comfortable away from the house, Nicole pulled out her cigarettes without realizing it. She wasn’t completely aware of her actions until she heard Gus click her tongue beside her. At the disapproving sound, she looked at the woman.

“Oh, sorry,” she cleared her throat and hid the pack carton away again, “Bad habit, I know.”

“No good on your health either,” Gus pointed out, even though she knew Nicole was well aware of the dangers of the habit, “Speaking of health, how’ve you been, physically? How’s your head?”

Nicole couldn’t stop the sudden laugh that escaped her at the question. Gus looked at her strangely, but Nicole couldn’t help it.

It was innocent enough to ask, but with Wynonna still at her side Nicole only had one thought.

If she only knew.

X

X

X

Chapter Text

Nicole stepped out of the shower, swiping her wet hair out of her face with one hand and holding the towel around her body with the other, as she walked across the room to the closet. Grabbing a pair of old jeans, she tossed them onto the bed before moving to the dresser. She fought the sticking drawer to open it and find a shirt to work in. Digging around for one, she paused when she uncovered one that had been shoved towards the back of the drawer.

She grabbed it carefully and held it up, her fingers playing with the bottom as a small smile tugged at her lips.

As soon as Nicole got settled in the passenger seat of Wynonna’s truck, her girlfriend looked at her.

“I got you something.”

“What?”

“It’s nothing big or anything,” she said, reaching down and retrieving a plastic shopping bag, “I just saw it and thought of you.”

She tossed the bag into Nicole’s lap who reached inside and pulled out a shirt. She held it up to get a good look, smirking at the navy muscle shirt with the word ‘LOYAL’ across the chest. She turned it around towards Wynonna.

“Loyal, huh?”

Wynonna shrugged, “Like I said, made me think of you. You know, cause you’re loyal, like …a family dog. Plus, it was, like, seven bucks.”

This got a laugh out of Nicole.

“Every girl’s dream,” she joked, “being compared to a dog.”

“Well my dream is to have an excuse to see them biceps more often,” she winked.

“In that case,” Nicole grinned, dropping the shirt back to her lap and leaning over the gear shift, “I love it.”

“Of course, you do,” she answered, “I kick ass at gift giving.”

Nicole smiled in the kiss they shared, Wynonna’s fingers trailing down her cheek as they parted.

“Now show me some of that skin, woman.”

Nicole sighed and carefully folded the shirt back up, returning it to the dresser.

“You should wear it today.”

Nicole turned to Wynonna with a small shake of her head.

“I don’t want to ruin it.”

“But you’re going to be doing all the sweaty, sexy work,” she reasoned, “Should let your arms breathe.”

“You’re half right,” she answered, running the towel over her limbs, and grabbing her underwear and a sports bra, “Sweaty, yes.”

“I said what I said,” she affirmed then grabbed Nicole’s shoulders and turned her so they were facing each other. Her fingers ran over her collarbones slowly, a thoughtful look on her face.

“What is it?” Nicole asked, covering Wynonna’s hands as she waited for an answer to what she was thinking so hard about.

After a few moments, Wynonna looked her in the eyes.

“You ever think about that night?” she asked softly, causing Nicole to drop her hands almost instantly.

“Don’t,” she said and turned around to finish getting dressed.

“You have to.”

“Stop it,” she snapped, flicking out her jeans before putting them on.

“Nicole- “

“If you’re in my head,” she started, marching over to blindly grab a shirt and shove it on, “Then you know what I think, right? So, you don’t have to ask all the time, do you?”

“Maybe,” she answered, as always being vague about how this whole vision of the dead girl worked, “Maybe you think about it without really thinking about it. Or maybe you think about it too much.”

“Or maybe you- “Nicole’s words were interrupted when she heard a car honking just outside.

She glanced at the window behind her and then looked at the time.

“Shit!” she hissed, realizing she must have spent longer than she thought standing there thinking. She hurriedly put on her socks and shoved her feet into her boots.

Swiping back her hair again, she rushed outside to apologize to Gus and aske for a couple more minutes to get Dozer set up. But once she got outside, her feet stuttered to a stop in surprise. It wasn’t Gus waiting in the driveway, it was Waverly’s jeep idling there with her sitting there looking all kinds of impatient.

Shaking herself out of the shock, she approached the driver side door.

“What are…Where’s Gus?”

“She told me to get you on my way home,” she said, sounding less than thrilled about that fact, leaving her eyes on her phone as she spoke, “Are you ready or what?”

“I, uh, I lost track of time. I just need to let Dozer out. Is that ok?”

“What?” Waverly asked, annoyed as she looked up from her phone to turn her burning eyes on her.

“My dog,” she explained, “I’m going to be gone all day and he needs to- “

“You have a dog?”

Nicole nodded and Waverly let out a sigh, looking back at her phone, “Fine, whatever.”

“Thanks,” she said quietly and turned to go back in.

“You can,” Waverly heard herself starting, surprising even herself as Nicole turned to face her again, “You can bring him with you. If you want.”

“Oh, are you sure?”

Waverly shrugged and returned her eyes to her phone, “No reason not to.”

Nicole nodded again and went to retrieve Dozer. She entered the house and called out for the dog while she grabbed the lease.

“What did I tell you?” Wynonna asked as the sound of Dozer’s heavy footsteps sounded from the hallway, “She doesn’t hate you.”

“Your aunt is making her give me a ride,” she pointed out, “That hardly means she-oof!”

She grunted when Dozer collided with her legs, his tail flying back and forth behind him when he saw the leash in her hands

“She invited your werewolf to come over,” Wynonna responded, nodding at the dog, “That’s totally an olive branch.”

“Sure,” Nicole mumbled, clipping the leash to Dozer’s collar and kneeling in front of him. She gave his head a few pets before holding it gently on either side, so he looked at her.

“Listen to me buddy, we’re going for a ride and- “she had to pause when he started bouncing excitedly at the ‘r’ word, “Hey, hey. You’re going to behave, right? Be on your best behavior?”

Dozer continued to jump, swiping his tongue against Nicole’s face as he did. Nicole sighed and scratched behind his ears.

“Ok, let’s go.”

She wrapped the other end of the leash around her hand, already anticipating the burst that would come as soon as he saw the door open.

“Shotgun!” Wynonna declared brightly.

Nicole rolled her eyes and opened the front door, planting her feet and tightening her grip as Dozer did exactly as she’d expected, trying for that initial explosion outside. He calmed down enough at her resistance, no longer trying to run, but still no less excited.

“You sure it’s ok?” she asked again as they approached the jeep.

Waverly had smiled when she saw the large animal, forgetting her intent to make sure Nicole knew exactly what an inconvenience it all was for her. But at Nicole’s words, she remembered herself and snapped.

“I said it’s fine,” she said sharply, “Let’s go already.”

“Right, sorry,” she apologized again, feeling like that was all she did around Waverly, and opened the passenger door, “Up.”

Dozer jumped into the jeep, immediately climbing over the passenger seat, planting his front paws on Waverly’s leg, and sniffing her face erratically.

“Oh!” she squeaked, “Hello there.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Nicole said quickly, trying to pull the dog off of her, “Come on.”

His whipping tail thumped against Nicole as he remained where he was, licking Waverly’s chin and cheek several times, causing her to laugh.

“Aw, he’s just friendly,” she said through her laugh, “Aren’t your cutie? What’s your name, huh? What’s your name?”

Nicole felt Wynonna smack her back with her palm and then gave her an ‘I told you so’ smirk at the scene. She had to admit it was actually nice to see. She couldn’t remember a time when Waverly ever appeared the least bit happy in her presence.

“Dozer,” she offered his name to Waverly, assuming she hadn’t cared enough to pay attention when she’d mentioned it before. At the sound of Nicole’s voice, reminding her she was there, Waverly reigned in her smile and ran her hand over the dog’s head a few times.

“Well,” she said, patting his side, “Gus is waiting.”

Nicole glanced to Wynonna who shrugged sympathetically and after more encouragement, she was able to get Dozer to hop into the backseat so Nicole could get in the jeep. Once she closed the door, Waverly took off for the homestead without a word.

In the awkward silence, Nicole caught Wynonna in the reflection of the mirror; the woman tilting her head at her sister.  Nicole swallowed and scratched her temple, eyes flicking between Waverly and the road a few times before giving it a try.

“Thanks again for letting me bring him,” she started, wringing her fingers in her lap, “I feel bad leaving him alone all day.”

Waverly stayed silent as she drove, keeping her focus solely on the road ahead of her as if Nicole hadn’t said a word.

“It’ll be nice for him. Having all that space to run around, you know?” she tried again. When she got the same result, she decided to leave it. Propping her elbow on the window frame and resting her jaw against her fist, she sighed quietly.

So much for that olive branch.

When the tires pulled into the gravel drive, Waverly practically ran away from the car, not bothering to pause as she blew by aunt on the porch. Nicole rubbed her face before pushing open the door, letting Dozer jump down to join her.

The dog seemed surprisingly subdued as he stayed beside her in the new environment. Maybe he sensed her unease since he kept looking up at her as he trotted along.

“See you brought a coworker,” Gus commented from where she sat on the porch watching their approach.

“Hope it’s ok,” Nicole said, fiddling with the leash.

“We got the land for him to run,” Gus nodded, “Long as he doesn’t go digging up my garden, I don’t see a problem.”

“Her and those damn tomatoes,” Wynonna remarked.

Nicole looked down at Dozer, praying the dog wouldn’t cause any trouble for the woman who was already being so accommodating.

“Well don’t just stand around catching flies,” Gus advised, “Go on and get started. Remember where everything is?”

“Yes ma’am.”

She unhooked Dozer’s leash, allowing him to wander the property, though she noticed he continued to look back at her and never didn’t seem to go far enough to lose sight of her.

She put on her gloves as she got to the barn and started to load enough new wood for the first section onto the trailer one by one. Already sweating by the time, she tossed the tools on top of the wood and straddled the ATV to take everything out to the property line.

She tilted her head back in the sun, letting the light breeze from the slow drive brush over her skin. A grin crept onto her face when she heard Dozer bark and run after her, tongue hanging out happily as he caught up and trotted alongside the vehicle.

“Damn, Punk,” Wynonna’s voice came in her ear while she felt her body press snuggly against her back on the ride, “Should’ve made you a farm hand long time ago. It’s hot as hell.”

Nicole laughed at that, feeling her teeth graze her ear lobe as she slowed to a stop at their destination.

“Should’ve known you’d be into it. They way you love those nights in the barn,” she remembered as she stepped onto the grass.

Wynonna smiled wide and leaned back to prop her feet on the handles of the ATV.

“I do like a roll in the hay,” she said, pausing before adding, “Or, did, I guess.”

Nicole’s smile fell with a quiet, “Yeah,” and she got to it. First taking down the old wood of the first section of fence.

Gus was right, it was well overdue for relacing. The planks and posts were deteriorating and weathered from years in the elements.

She grunted and huffed through the work, dislodging, and taking down the planks. She half-wished she had thought to bring her headphones with her, but then she wouldn’t have Wynonna’s running commentary.

Wynonna letting out a slow whistle as she successfully dug up post and started dragging it over to the pile she’d created.

“Shiiit, Haught,” she praised, “If I weren’t underground right now, I’d damn sure be under you.”

Nicole laughed, dropping the end of the post she’d been pulling. Pulling the bottom of her shirt up to wipe away the sweat on her brow.

“Yeah? Better than watching the basketball games?” she asked, “Cause I know how much you enjoyed that.”

“Oh, hell yeah,” she said without hesitation, “Don’t have all those other dorks in the way this time.”

Nicole shook her head, “They weren’t dorks, they were the other players.”

“Like I said, dorks,” she smiled, “You were the only one worth watching. Everyone knew it.”

“Pretty sure there’s plenty of people who’d disagree. Basically, anybody who wasn’t you,” she said as she squatted down to grab the post again.

“Oh yeah?” Wynonna challenged, “Why don’t you ask your audience?”

Scrunching her forehead, Nicole stood up and looked behind her, lifting her hand to shade her eyes from the sun in front of her.

Off near the house, she could just make out a small silhouette.

X

X

X

Chapter Text

Wynonna crept down the stairs, carefully avoiding the steps she knew tended to creak and alert the sleeping house. She looked behind her, double checking for a sign that her aunt or sister were moving around while keeping her phone to her ear.

“I’m on my way,” she whispered, “No, no shut up. I don’t care. I’m coming. I’ll be there soon, ok?”

She put her phone away as she got to the landing and gasped when she found herself face to face with Waverly.

“Jesus!” she hissed, “What are you creeping around for?”

“I was getting water- “Waverly started to answer, cut off by her sister’s waving hand.

“Shh!” she instructed, “Be quiet.”

“Are you seriously sneaking out again?” she asked in a harsh whisper, “Wynonna it’s Tuesday! You can’t keep going out and ditching classes the next day because your girlfriend’s …horny.”

“First of all, don’t say horny. It’s weird,” she said, “Second, I gotta go.”

Her sister grabbed her arm before she could walk away.

“Wynonna!” she hissed again, “This is ridiculous. It’s your senior year! If Nicole actually cared about you and your future, she wouldn’t- “

“BabyGirl, “she interrupted, “I love you, but you don’t know what you’re talking about.”

She pulled her arm away and went to the door. She paused after opening to point at Waverly, “Keep your mouth shut, ok?”

She quietly slipped out without waiting for a response. Getting in her car, she drove quickly through the dark streets until she reached her destination. Pulling up to the park entrance, her headlights immediately revealed the lone figure hunched on the park bench.

Wynonna kicked her door open without bothering to turn off the truck, allowing the headlights to remain as she hurried over.

“Hey,” she breathed out as she reached her, kneeling in front of Nicole on the bench. She gently slid her hands over her face, brushing Nicole’s hair back. The lights from the truck illuminated the blooming bruise painted on her cheek bone. Upon seeing it, Wynonna looked down and let out a slow breath before bringing her face back up and declaring, “I’m gonna kill that bitch.”

“It’s fine,” Nicole mumbled and sniffed once, “Told you, you didn’t have to come.”

Wynonna slid her hand to rest on the back of her neck, bringing their foreheads together.

“And I told you,” she said with determination, “Whenever you need me, I’ll be here. That’s a promise.”

Nicole swung the hammer again, driving the post deeper into the ground. As the impact vibrated up her arms, her feet wobbled back a few steps, the work of the day having drained her at that point.

She let the hammer’s head drop against the ground with a thud and leaned against the long handle, breathing heavy. She could feel her shirt, drenched with sweat, sticking to her back.

“Shit,” she breathed out between breaths, pressing a hand to her lower back as she arched it to try stretching it out, “The things I do for you.”

“Yeah,” Wynonna said with a teasing smile as she sat atop the post, swinging her legs back and forth, “But you looove me.”

Nicole let out a breathy chuckle and adjusted her grip on the handle to continue working, “Yeah, yeah.”

“Time for a break, Punk.”

Nicole shook her head, “I’m almost done with this section. Get down before we find out what happens if I try to smack you with this.”

It was her second day working on the fence, Gus allowing her to come out every other day in between days at the hardware store. It was tiring as hell, but she had a mission, and she was damn sure going to accomplish it.

“Nah,” Wynonna shook her head, refusing to move and causing Nicole to drop the hammer back down, “I think it’s time for a break now.”

Nicole wanted to dismiss her again but paused when she heard Dozer barking nearby behind her. She turned, seeing her dog trotting towards her, but he wasn’t alone.

To Nicole’s surprise, Waverly was coming over as well, holding something in her hands. She leaned the tool against the planks and straightened as the other girl came to a stop near the fence. Waverly took a moment, tapping her fingers against what she could now see was a drinking glass, and seemed to be looking over the work Nicole had done so far.

“Looking good,” she offered after a second.

Nicole nodded, “Thanks.”

Dozer barked again, bumping his head into Waverly, forcing her to adjust her grip on the glass as some liquid sloshed over the side onto her hand.

“Dozer,” Nicole chastised, then looked at Waverly, “Sorry. He’s still learning that’s not the way to ask for attention.”

“No, he’s fine,” she told her, “He’s adorable.”

“Yeah, he’s a looker,” she agreed then shifted her weight, “So, um, did you need something or…”

“Oh,” Waverly remembered herself, “Yeah, I…here.”

She held the glass out to her. Nicole accepted it, though she was confused by the offer.

“Did Gus send you out here?”

“Yeah,” Waverly said with a quick nod.

That made sense, Nicole thought.

“Thanks,” she said, bringing the glass up for a drink but stopped when her nose wrinkled at the scent, “That’s not water.”

“It’s kombucha,” Waverly told her, “It’s got B Vitamins and iron; good for refreshing your body after a workout.”

“Oh, cool,” Nicole said and took a hefty drink.

A sound escaped her throat, and she turned her head to the side, spitting it out into the grass and coughing.

“Ugh,” she wiped her lips and spit again to banish the lingering taste as she heard Wynonna laughing behind her.

“It’s an acquired taste.”

“Sorry,” Nicole apologized, hoping she hadn’t offended Waverly or Gus by association, “Sorry that…that tastes like ass.”

Nicole chuckled good naturedly, balancing the cup on the seat of the ATV and grabbing the hammer once more.

“It’s good for you,” Waverly defended, then crossed her arms and huffed, “Maybe you’d prefer if I spiked it with vodka.”

Nicole threw the hammer to the ground in annoyance.

“You know what?” she started, “Fine. Here you go.”

She grabbed the cup roughly and tipped it back, chugging the drink down as quickly as she could against her body’s reaction.

“Oh, this is a mistake,” Wynonna warned.

The overflow sliding down her cheeks and chin to drip onto the front of her shirt. Against her initial reflex, she forced herself to empty it all and shoved it back into Waverly’s hands.

“There, happy?” she swallowed a gag that attempted to hit her throat and did her best to keep the stern composure, “And I hate vodka, by the way. So, you can go tell Gus you did your job, and I can get back to mi- “

Her words halted, taken over by the sudden retching of her rebelling stomach.

“Oof, told you,” Wynonna winced as Nicole spun around to bend over behind the newly planted post and heaved, “Deep breaths, Punk. Ride it out, come on.”

Dozer whined and rubbed against her legs, trying to comfort his friend. Once she was sure she wasn’t going to actually throw up, she wiped at her mouth and stood up again. Taking a breath, she turned back and was surprised to see Waverly still standing there.

Self-conscious after being seen like that, Nicole grabbed the bottom of her shirt to wipe across her face but stopped and grimaced when the smell on the fabric reminded her of her messy display and held it back from her face.

She cleared her burning throat, “Did you need anything else?”

“I…” Waverly started shaking her head when she realized she was staring at Nicole’s exposed midsection, “What’s that?”

She gestured to the markings peeking out along Nicole’s ribcage.

Nicole looked down at herself, just then realizing she still had her shirt in her hand and her skin on display. Swallowing once more, she shoved her shirt back down.

“Nothing.”

“Is that a tattoo?” Waverly asked curiously.

“I’ve got to finish this,” Nicole said dismissing the question and turning back to the fence, even though she made no move to actually start working again. Instead, just leaned her hands against the fence and looked out at nothing in particular.

“Ok,” Waverly said after a few moments, accepting that her curiosity would remain unsatisfied. Whatever she didn’t’ actually care. She was just being polite. She didn’t care.

She didn’t.

Sighing, she looked back at the house briefly before returning her eyes to Nicole’s back.

“I’ll…bring water next time.”

“You don’t have to,” she said without looking back at her.

Waverly nodded, “I’ll bring water next time.”

Nicole heard her walk away, letting her head hang with her hands propped on either side of Wynonna’s legs, feeling her hands on her shoulders.

“Why get ink if you don’t want anyone to see it?” Wynonna asked quietly.

Nicole waited a moment, lifting her head to look her in the eyes.

“Cause it’s not for them.”

Wynonna gave her a small smile, running her hand down her torso until it hovered on the shirt just over where she knew the tattoo was.

“I know.”

X

X

X

Chapter Text

“Hey, slow down,” she heard behind her, though Nicole continued to march away to the parking lot, “Nicole!”

She felt a tug on her shoulder, realizing Wynonna must have caught her duffle bag to stop her.

“Stop, dude. Come on.”

Nicole let out a huff and adjusted her hand on the shoulder strap, before setting her jaw and stopping her feet. She didn’t turn around, though; instead, letting Wynonna walk around to stand in front of her.

“Thanks,” Wynonna said sarcastically, “What are you stomping off for? I was waiting for you.”

Nicole shifted her weight, keeping her eyes downward and not saying anything.

“Nicole,” Wynonna tried again, putting her hands on either side of Nicole’s face, and lifting her eyes to look at her. Seeing the sadness in her eyes and knowing the cause, she spoke, “Hey, it’s just a game. It’s not the end of the world if you guys lose a game. Even I know that, and I barely know shit about basketball. Don’t beat yourself up.”

“We didn’t lose. I lost for us,” Nicole said, upset with herself, “They trusted me with the game shot, and I failed.”

“That’s ridiculous. You guys lost by a point,” she tried to argue for her, “I was there. You were killing it out there tonight. You scored, like, half of the points you guys got. You did more than anyone to try and win it.”

Nicole shuffled her feet and mumbled, “Not enough.”

“Well last I checked, there were four other people out there wearing the same colors as you,” she went on, “Any of them could’ve done more for the team. It’s not on you.”

Nicole dropped her head back and groaned, letting her bag fall off her shoulder onto the cement, “The ball was in my hands, Wy. I feel like I let everyone down.”

“You didn’t,” she reassured, “Anyone who thinks you did is an idiot. Believe me?”

Nicole let out a breath and leaned her head to touch Wynonna’s, “Yeah.”

“Good,” she tilted her head to give her a quick kiss.

“I haven’t showered,” Nicole chuckled when they pulled apart from the kiss.

“I’m aware,” she teased, wrinkling her nose, “Let’s get out of here and take care of that, then.”

“Hey Haught!” Nicole turned towards the voice in time to see the orange ball come flying at her face. She got her hands up on reflex to catch it, though she only managed to divert it. The basketball bouncing off her fingertips and spinning away harmlessly.

They looked over and saw Mattie Perley walking by.

“Nice hands,” she remarked, “No wonder we lost.”

Nicole swallowed and bent down to pick up her bag. When she stood back up, she saw Wynonna was already stomping over towards her teammate and hurried over to keep her from doing something stupid.

“You’re one to talk Perley,” Wynonna said sharply, getting in her face, “The way you embarrassed yourself with those free throws tonight, I’m surprised you can even hold a ball.”

“Watch your mouth, Earp,” she demanded.

“Or what?” Wynonna challenged, stepping more into her space despite Nicole putting an arm between them in an attempt to keep them apart.

“Or your girlfriend’s gonna use those butterfingers to pick up your teeth.”

“Try it double mint twin.”

Nicole finally managed to get between them and force Wynonna back a few steps, “That’s enough. It’s fine, Wynonna, let’s go.”

“Yeah, go on,” Mattie said, waving dramatically.

Wynonna looked at Nicole a moment, a silent debate between them wherein Nicole knew how much her girlfriend wanted to shut the girl up the hard way. However, she understood Nicole didn’t want her to get in any kind of trouble, and she didn’t want to cause any problems for Nicole within her team. So, she gave her a small nod and decided to let it go. This time.

They turned and started walking away, hearing Mattie’s voice at their backs.

“That’s what I thought. Pair of losers, no wonder you found each other. No one else would give a damn. An Earp and a bastard.”

Nicole felt Wynonna tense up again and turned her head quickly, but Nicole’s hand on her shoulder kept her walking.

When they were far enough away, Wynonna blew out a breath and shook her head.

“Should’ve knocked her on her ass.”

“It’s wasn’t worth it.”

“You’re worth it,” Wynonna said fiercely.

Nicole gave her a smile, and wrapped her arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer as they walked, “If you say so.”

X

Nicole entered through the wooden door, instantly hit by the sounds of patrons and the memories brought on by the sights and smells of Shorty’s.

Another place she’d spent so much time with Wynonna. Another place she hadn’t returned to since she died.

She wouldn’t be there then if not for Gus. After being brought to the homestead for the day, Gus had come to the barn as Nicole was preparing to start. She took a look at her worn work gloves and an instant later was giving her the car keys and shoving cash in her hand to go into town and get a new pair, asking only in return for Nicole to stop at Shorty’s and pick up the payroll information that she’d forgot to grab on her way back.

Nicole agreed, hoping it would be a quick in and out trip, not wanting to waste daylight. Even more so wanting to avoid any stares or questions that she was likely to get when spotted.

“Oh man,” Wynonna said, looking around, “Long time, huh?”

“Mm,” Nicole hummed, luckily spotting Shorty at the bar already and heading over.

“Think the old man would sneak us some booze?”

“Us?” Nicole repeated quietly, not wanting to draw attention to herself by talking to …herself.

“Ugh, fine. You,” Wynonna corrected, “Let me drink vicariously, then.”

Nicole chuckled as she reached the counter and saw Shorty’s eyes light up when he saw her.

“Nicole,” he greeted with a smile, “Good to see you. Been a minute, hasn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Nicole cleared her throat, “Gus sent me to pick up the payroll for her?”

She didn’t know why it sounded like a question. The man’s friendly greeting setting her nerves on edge. He’d seen so much of her and Wynonna here at his place. A witness to the days of their relationship over burgers and pool games.

“Did she?” he asked, “Alright, let me give her a call to confirm. Nothing personal, just gotta keep it all above board, ok?”

“That’s fine.”

He knocked his knuckles on the counter before walking to the back with a promise to be right back, leaving Nicole to take a seat at the bar and wait. Not even a moment after he was gone, she felt Wynonna’s elbow nudge into her side.

“Dude.”

“What?” Nicole whispered.

“Look,” she nodded at a bottle of whiskey on the other side of the bar just in front of them, “You could totally snatch that.”

“No,” she hissed, “I’m not going to steal booze. I can get my own.”

Wynonna smirked and leaned against the bar, “You know some might say that using a fake ID to get beer that should go to a respectable, legal aged drunk is kind of stealing,” Wynonna reasoned proudly, “Come on, you know you thought about it.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“I’m in your head, remember,” Wynonna tapped Nicole’s scarred temple, “So I know you want to.”

“Then you also know that I’m not going to do it,” she replied, “Especially when it’s technically stealing from Gus.”

A loud laugh erupted from somewhere in the room and Nicole immediately tensed. She knew that voice. Hunching over the counter and ducking her head down to not be seen, she carefully risked a look over her shoulder and found the table instantly. In the back corner she saw a group of people she once called friends but were now another entry on the list of things she’d pulled away from.

Jeremy, Robin, and Rosita were all together, sharing food and having a good time. If they were there, it meant Dolls would likely be around soon enough. That thought caused her to curl down even more, she wouldn’t be able to handle him looking at her with that quiet understanding way he had.

Running a hand down her face, she whispered to no one, “What’s taking Shorty so long?”

“I’m sure he’ll be back soon,” Wynonna said, running her fingers over the curve of her back, “You should say hi. I bet they miss you.”

Nicole shook her head instantly.

“No. No, I just want to get the stuff for Gus and get out of here,” she reasoned, “That’s it.”

“They’re your friends,” Wynonna reminded her, “They care about you.”

Nicole just shook her head again, running her fingers nervously over the scar and desperately wishing for Shorty to get back and let her go.

A few moments later, the door swung open and, though Nicole had no intention to, she looked up as the angry voice carried through the room.

“- every damn day, Champ,” Waverly said angrily as she marched into Shorty’s with her boyfriend on her heels.

“Babe, it wasn’t like that. We were just talking.”

“I have to work. Leave me alone,” Waverly commanded as she disappeared into the back.

Nicole watched him drop onto a nearby stool and groan with his head in his hands. Nicole half worried he’d notice her presence and try to talk to her, but thankfully, Shorty decided to finally reappear.

“Sorry about that. Took forever to find it,” he said, holding out a black ledger, “There’s a reason Gus is in charge of it.”

“Thanks,” she said, reaching to accept it but to her surprise, the man held on when she tried to take it; causing her to look up at his face.

“You taking care of yourself, kid?”

Nicole nodded and cleared her throat, “Yeah.”

“Good,” he let go of the book, finally letting her take it, “Don’t be a stranger now.”

He stepped back, apparently satisfied, before looking at Champ, “You. You upsetting my best waitress again?”

“No, Shorty, you know how girls get,” he tried to excuse, earning an eyeroll from the man before he walked away again.

Champ shook his head, his eyes falling to Nicole as she stood up to leave.

“Hey,” he leaned over and smacked her arm, “You know what I’m talking about right?”

“Ass,” Wynonna spat, and Nicole ignored him, turning to leave but Champ grabbed her sleeve.

“Ah, come on,” he pushed, “You know how Earp girls are. So dramatic, right?”

Nicole pulled her arm away from him, “Whatever.”

Champ scoffed, “You’re lucky. At least yours was easy.”

“What the hell did you just say?” she asked sharply.

“Easy. You know, made all the bullshit worth it if you’re actually getting something out of it.”

Nicole grit her teeth and looked at Wynonna while her hands clenched around the book.

“Not worth it, Punk,” Wynonna advised with a shake of her head.

Nicole took a breath and told herself to listen to Wynonna and just go, but Champ kept going. Leaning back against the bar he sighed loudly.

“I mean, Waverly has such a stick up her ass half the time, I swear. Can she actually blame me for getting it where I can now and then?”

Nicole slapped the book onto the counter and stepped up to Champ.

“I don’t know why you’re talking to me like we’re friends or like we’re even remotely the same,” she started angrily, “but you better knock it off, get your head out of your ass and be grateful for what you have while you still have it.”

Champ held his hands up, “Ok! Ok! Sorry. Jeez.”

He shook his head, “I get it. Your situation sucks. I’m sorry your girl is dead or whatever.”

Nicole grabbed the book off the counter roughly and turned to finally leave when:

“Maybe it would’ve been easier if Waverly was in that car instead.”

Nicole felt the hard sting in her knuckles before even realizing what she was doing. Champ hit the floor hard, collapsing off the stool and causing a ruckus as it fell over with him.

“What the hell?” Waverly shrieked, running over to check on Champ, having stepped back out in time to see Nicole throw the punch. She immediately knelt beside her boyfriend and glared up at her, “What did you do that for?”

“He- “Nicole glanced briefly to Wynonna and back again, trying to lamely explain herself.

“What’s wrong with you?!” Waverly shouted.

Nicole swallowed thickly and looked around, all the eyes now on them. On her. She could see Rosita already on her way over now that she knew Nicole was there.

“She just hit me, babe,” Champ accused loudly, “She really is crazy!”

“She wouldn’t do it without a reason,” Rosita defended, appearing beside Nicole, Jeremy and Robin following.

“Bullshit, you all saw it,” Champ said as he pulled himself to his feet, “I was just sitting there.”

“No, I…” Nicole tried again, her words drying up under all the attention.

“God, can you just get out of here?” Waverly ordered, “Just go.”

“Yeah, go,” Champ repeated, “Nobody wants you here anyway.”

Rosita stepped forward and shoved Champ, “Shut up, asshole!”

Soon everyone was arguing around her, Shorty appearing again to see what was going on. In the chaos, Nicole took the opportunity to do as Waverly asked.

Stopping just long enough to grab that wayward bottle Wynonna had rightly called her out about. She paused briefly at the door, looking back to see Waverly’s eyes on her, before vanishing out the door and letting it slam shut behind her.

X

X

X

Chapter Text

“Come on, it’ll be fun,” Rosita goaded from across the booth while plucking a fry from the shared basket on the table.

“I don’t know,” Nicole answered, “It’s not really my thing.”

Rosita laughed, “I know Wynonna Earp loves a party,” she said and pointed at Wynonna who was leaning back against the cushion with Nicole’s arm draped around her shoulders, “How does this even work if parties aren’t your thing?”

Wynonna grabbed the hand hanging over her shoulder and pulled it closer.

“Great sex,” she joked, not letting the question linger long enough to burrow into Nicole’s mind. She leaned in close and bit the air near Nicole’s jaw to drive her point.

Nicole laughed and squeezed Wynonna against her for a moment, “You heard the woman.”

“All right, I don’t need a demonstration. I believe you,” she said with a laugh and looked at her glass, “I’m getting a refill. Try to keep it in your pants guys.”

Nicole chuckled as she watched her walk away before looking down at Wynonna still wrapped up in her arm, “Do you want to go?”

Wynonna shrugged against her, “I mean it would be fun, but I’m cool to hang with you doing whatever. I know it’s not your favorite thing.”

“I don’t want to you to not do have fun ‘cause of me.”

“Shut up, we have plenty of fun,” she said with a grin and ran her hand over Nicole’s thigh under the table, “Don’t we?”

“Mm, so that’s all I am to you?” she asked playfully, lifting her leg beneath Wynonna’s hand, “Fun?”

“Yep,” Wynonna teased, “Time you knew the truth, Haught. I’m totally using you for your bod.”

Nicole growled and pulled her closer, she would’ve been in her lap if it weren’t for the table in front of them.

“Use me, huh?”

“Mmhmm,” she trailed her hand up Nicole’s chest to her chin, “What are you gonna do about it?”

“Let you.”

“Good answer,” Wynonna murmured, closing the distance between them to snare her in a heated kiss; not caring for the very public space they were in.

“Hello Wynonna.”

The voice causing them to pull apart and see Doc standing there with a smirk on his face.

“Hey Doc,” Wynonna answered, scooting herself into a proper seat. Nicole let out a loud sigh at the interruption which had Doc acknowledging her with a nod.

“Nicole.”

“Henry,” she answered curtly.

“I hope I’m not interrupting,” he said, leaning his hip against the table.

“Obviously.”

He ignored her and continued focusing on Wynonna, “I was only wondering if you were planning to go to the Gardner’s this weekend. Should be quite a party.”

“Not really your business, is it?” Nicole responded, feeling Wynonna’s hand on her leg again. This time, however, it wasn’t a playful seduction as it was before; it was a calming reassurance that she was there, and Nicole didn’t need to get upset.

“I haven’t seen you at any parties lately,” he pointed out.

“My dance card’s been full,” Wynonna answered, pulling Nicole’s arm around her shoulder again, keeping her eyes directly on his as she pressed a kiss to the knuckles.

“I’m sure,” he looked at Nicole and clicked his tongue as he stood up straight and adjusted his hat, “Just a shame, is all.”

Nicole narrowed her eyes, “What is?”

“To see a bird caged when it should be free to enjoy the sky.”

“What are you trying to say?” Wynonna asked sharply.

“Just an observation,” he said with a wink. He knocked his knuckles twice against the tabletop, “You ladies have a wonderful day.”

Wynonna watched him leave with a shake of her head and a scoff before turning her attention back to Nicole.

“Hey, don’t let him get to you,” she said, recognizing the look on Nicole’s face meant she was already in her head, “He’s an idiot. I’m not caged.”

She tangled her fingers with Nicole’s and gave her hand a little shake to try and pull her out of her own head, “Hey,” she her to look at her and gave her a smile, “Ok?”

“Ok,” Nicole said quietly as Rosita returned with a full glass of soda, complaining about how long it took to get help with it. She looked between the couple and raised her eyebrows.

“Everything good?”

“Yeah,” Wynonna answered quickly, “we just- “

“Decided to go to the party,” Nicole cut in, giving Wynonna’s hand a squeeze.

Her girlfriend looked at her in surprise, ready to tell her she didn’t have to, to repeat that Doc was an idiot and she shouldn’t feel like she had to do it to prove a point, but Nicole just gave her a smile and nodded with certainty.

“What’s the worst that could happen?”

X

Waverly pulled the jeep into the driveway, the drive over not doing much to cool her annoyed mood. She’d already had an argument with Gus before leaving, upset with her aunt for asking her to be the one to pick up Nicole again. Especially after what happened at Shorty’s the last time she’d seen her.

Even though in the days since, Waverly had been able to think more rationally about it. Away from Champ’s vehement denial of any wrongdoing, she had space to think about the facts rather than react emotionally.

The facts were she knew Champ. She knew exactly how he could be. And, yeah, there were times she wanted to hit him too. But wanting to and actually doing it were two completely different things. Plus, it being Nicole who did it only jumbled it up even more. She was mature enough to admit to herself that she had reacted badly and should have listened to what Nicole had to say. But admitting it to Nicole …well, she wasn’t feeling quite that mature at the moment.

She was content to just let Nicole work on the fence and stay away as much as possible. Though it didn’t help that Gus kept inviting her to stay for dinner at the end of the day and Nicole almost always accepted. Letting out a huff as she pulled into the driveway, she reaffirmed for herself that she would drive her to the homestead and make herself scarce the rest of the day. She was sure she could get together with Chrissy and spend the day with her doing something.

She turned off the car when she saw nothing of Nicole or Dozer waiting for her. It seemed once again Nicole was leaving Waverly waiting in her driveway.

“Come on,” she groaned and honked the horn twice as she had last time. Taking her phone out as she waited, she messaged Chrissy to see what she had going on. Exchanging texts back and forth, making a plan to meet up with her friend while ignoring Champ’s message telling her to come over.  

With that settled, she looked up after a few minutes and still saw no sign of Nicole. She pressed her hand into the horn again for a long honk but when she saw no immediate response, her impatience got the better of her and Waverly shoved the car door open. Walking to the front door, she knocked hard and rang the doorbell simultaneously.

“Nicole!” she shouted at the door, “Let’s go, I don’t have all day!”

She heard a round of barking and then what she assumed to be Dozer’s big paws thudding and scratching at the door. Taking that to mean Nicole would be close behind, she stepped back and waited again. However, as moments began to pass by with nothing but the dog sounding increasingly upset behind the door, she felt her annoyance begin to give way to a seed of worry.

“Nicole?” she called again, quieter and more concerned.

She tried the doorknob and found it locked. She went to the window but with the blinds down she only saw Dozer’s shadow as he followed her movements over; giving her brief glimpses of him as he pawed at the blinds in front of her.

Waverly stepped back and ran her hand through her hair, wondering what she should do.

“Ok, ok, it’s fine,” she said to herself, “I’m sure it’s fine. She’s probably in the shower and can’t hear you. That’s all.”

She continued repeating it to herself as she looked around before making a decision.

“Nicole!” she called again, just in case the girl could hear her, “I’m going around back, ok?”

She nodded to herself and then made her way through the chain link fence and around the house. She found the back door and instantly tried it, surprised and relieved that it was unlocked. She heard Dozer coming as soon as she turned the knob and he was already there to greet her when she stepped inside.

“Nicole?” she said nervously, looking around the room while her hands worked to pet and reassure the dog pacing at her feet. She rubbed his head and asked, “Where is she, Dozer? Huh?”

Either he somehow understood her words, or he was already anxious to get her there too, because he nudged her legs with his head and barked before taking off, looking back at her to make sure she followed.

The dog led her through the back of the house and out into the main area before disappearing around the island into the kitchen with a whine. Waverly’s following steps froze when she saw a pair of socked feet laying on the tile. Dozer let out another whine and a small bark, snapping her out of it and sending her around the island counter. She gasped at the sight that met her; Nicole’s head slumped against the cabinet; her long body laid out along the floor.

“Nicole!” Waverly dropped to her knees beside her, hands hovering aimlessly as she searched for what could be wrong while Dozer began pacing back and forth nearby, little whines and whimpers still leaking out.

She didn’t see any wounds, but she was definitely unconscious. She put her hands on either side of her face and carefully pat her cheeks to try to and urge her awake.

“Wake up, come on. Come on, Nicole. You’re ok. You’re ok,” she said frantically, trying not to think about the way Wynonna looked that night in the hospital when she was finally allowed to see her. How still and quiet she was; how her sister was suddenly gone even though she was right in front of her. Sniffling back the memory, she forced herself to stay present, and continued to plead, “Wake up. Nicole!”

At her desperate scream, a low groan vibrated from Nicole’s chest and Waverly’s eyes instantly burned with relieved tears at the proof of life.

She hadn’t even thought to check her breathing. God, that was stupid.

“Nicole, can you hear me? Can you open your eyes?”

Dozer barked and approached, pressing his large front paws on Nicole’s chest, and leaning to sniff her face worriedly.

“No, no,” Waverly said told him, again thinking Dozer understood because it didn’t take much push him off Nicole to keep him from potentially hurting her. Instead he stepped back down at licked her face, getting another groan from her as she came closer to consciousness.

“Wha…” Nicole started, her eyes creaking open briefly and her words slurring, “S’going on?”

“I don’t know. I found you like this. Are you hurt? Do you know what happened?”

“Wav’ly?” her name dripped out of Nicole’s mouth and her eyes opened again, looping around the room, “What are you…Where’s she? Where’s…Where’s Wynonna?”

Waverly’s mouth went dry at the question. Her heart pounded painfully while her brain started rushing through thoughts.

She remembered the hospital that night. While she’d been shattered by the unbelievable news that her big sister was really gone, she still heard Gus getting the news of Nicole’s head injury. The memory hitting her as she looked at the scene before her.

Lost consciousness.

Slurred speech.

Looking for Wynonna, was that memory loss?

Shit.

Was it something lingering from her injury? Did she have a seizure or something while she was alone? Should she take her to the hospital? No. No she shouldn’t move her. She knew that.

Ambulance!

An ambulance. Waverly searched for her phone while Nicole groaned again and started to move.

“My head,” she mumbled.

“I know. I know. Just hold on, I’m getting…” she paused mid-dial. When Nicole lifted her arm to grab her head, it revealed a bottle tucked into her side.

Waverly quickly snatched it by the neck and held it up. Looking at the empty bottle of Four Roses. She slammed the bottle on the ground, “Son of a bitch.”

“What?” Nicole asked and Waverly couldn’t help herself. Her hand struck out and slapped Nicole across the face. Hard, “Ow, what the fuck?”

“Are you kidding me?!” Waverly asked angrily and pushed herself up to her feet.

“Did you just hit me?” Nicole asked, more awake now, and rolled over, using the counter to pull herself up.

“Yeah, I hit you and I should do it again.”

“Fucking why?”

“Because you scared me!”

“What?” Nicole snapped, confused as hell and with a stinging face to boot.

“You were laying on the floor and I was worried. Jesus, I thought you were dead or hurt! But you’re just freaking drunk!”

Nicole shook her head, regretting it a bit when the action sent a throb through her skull.

“You thought I was hurt…” she started slowly then ended harsher, “so you slapped me?”

“You scared me,” she repeated again.

“Why would you even care? You hate me, remember?”

“I don’t…” she stopped herself and growled in frustration, “God, you’re so…UGH!”

“What I am is hungover,” Nicole answered, “and now my face hurts thanks to you.”

She turned on the sink and cupped cold water in her hands, splashing it against her face before looking over at the clock on the microwave. She slapped her hand against the countertop, “Shit! Damn it, I’m-I’m going to shower. Just…I don’t know, make yourself comfortable. I’ll be quick and then we can go.”

Waverly eyed her in surprise, “You’re still planning to- “

“Do what I said I would?” Nicole interrupted, “Yeah. If I say I’m going to do something, Waverly, I do it.”

“You’re going to do manual labor? Hungover?” Waverly asked with her arms crossed.

“Wouldn’t be the first time,” she said while walking away.

“Why doesn’t that surprise me?” she mumbled to herself.

She heard the door slam down the hall and turned to look around.

“Get comfortable?” she repeated cynically as she saw only a couple patio chairs in the living room. She found it strange but knew the way Nicole and her mother lived wasn’t hers to judge.

She had a moment to wonder where the woman was and when she would be back. Finding it strange that she hadn’t shown her face in town in a while, even when her only daughter was in the hospital. Then again, Waverly’s own mother hadn’t appeared for her daughter’s funeral so who was she to say anything? It looked like there was just something about mother’s in Purgatory.

Her train of thought was disrupted when Dozer’s slick tongue slid over her hand and stole her attention. She looked down at the dog with a smile.

“Hey, buddy,” she knelt in front of him, “You were probably worried too, huh? It’s ok. Your mom is…” she sighed, “…fine.”

He licked her fingers again and it gave Waverly a thought.

“Oh, you’re probably hungry!” she realized. If Nicole had drank herself to the point of passing out at some point the night before, she wouldn’t have been able to feed him yet that day, “Let’s see if I can find your food.”

She checked the pantry first and smiled at him when she easily found the large bag of dry food. Assuming the scoop resting inside was the correct measurement for him, she poured a pile into the empty metal bowl on the floor and spent a few seconds watching him as he started eating, his tail happily swaying behind him.

“There you go,” she pat his side a few times and dropped the scoop back into the bag. She started closing the pantry door but paused as her eyes caught something she hadn’t noticed before.

Most of the shelves were empty save for a couple boxes of macaroni and cheese and ramen packets.

“Someone needs to go grocery shopping,” she observed and closed the door again. But the state of the pantry had her curious and she went to the refrigerator, opening the door and looking inside there as well.

A half-gallon of milk that was nearly empty, a stick of butter and a jar of strawberry jelly. The freezer wasn’t much better, housing a loaf of sandwich bread and a couple microwave meals.

With a strange flutter in her chest, she hurriedly went about opening all the cabinets, finding them all in similar states.

“God,” she whispered, then pulled open the nearest drawer. She looked over her shoulder, making sure Nicole wasn’t about to catch her snooping, and took out what she found. A small notepad covered in scratched handwriting and a pile of torn open envelopes.

She only spent a moment looking at the envelopes, Waverly recognized bills when she saw them, and instead focused on the notepad.

ELECTRIC

WATER

PHONE

DOG FOOD

HOSPITAL

LEFT OVER

Each listed item had a dollar amount written out next to it with check marks beside them. A star was drawn next to the word ‘electric’ with the extra message indicating a cancellation warning. She flipped through the pages, seeing the list repeated over and over with different dates and different amounts.

The last page was the most recent, marked as the current month. The amount of remaining money after each bill was budgeted out caused her to swallow at a thick lump in her throat. She glanced back at the pantry door, thinking about the scarce supplies inside. Thinking again about all those dinners Nicole stuck around for at the homestead.

The pieces falling into place in her mind sent her stomach rolling.

“All right,” she heard Nicole call out, “I’m ready!”

 Waverly shoved everything back into the drawer and looked around to make sure she hadn’t left any cabinets open as Nicole reappeared, looking fresher and put together.

“Oh, you fed Dozer,” she noticed, “Thanks.”

Waverly just managed a nod and a poor attempt at a smile. Thankfully, Nicole wasn’t looking her way, too busy bending down to dote on her dog.

“Ready to go, pal?” she asked him as he licked around his mouth to clean up any crumbs left in his fur, “Maybe your squirrel friend will show up again today.”

She stood to her full height, finally looking at Waverly and noticing the strange way she was looking at her.

“Are you…” she leaned back a bit, “going to slap me again?”

“No,” she cleared her throat, “No. I was …thinking I wanted to stop for lunch on the way back.”

“Ok.”

“Are you hungry?” she tried to sound nonchalant.

“Oh, uh- “

“M-My treat,” she offered quickly, realizing Nicole was likely thinking about that small number at the bottom of the page, “You know, to apologize for the…”

She moved her hand through the air as if smacking an invisible foe.

“Um, sure, yeah. I could eat.”

“Cool,” Waverly nodded, “Let’s go.”

Nicole nodded and led Dozer through the house, grabbing the leash on the way.

Waverly took a breath and shook her hands out. Setting her demeanor back to normal as best she could and followed Nicole out the door.

X

X

X

Chapter Text

“Oh shit,” Wynonna breathed out as her back arched off the barn floor before dropped back down. Her chest heaved in an attempt to catch her breath and her arms moved limply down between her legs to run her fingers through Nicole’s hair, “Anyone ever tell you…you’re pretty good at that?”

Nicole’s hot breath danced over her bare skin as she chuckled in response. She kissed her way up Wynonna’s pelvis and stomach before laying down with her head resting between her breasts.

“There’s a reason you keep me around,” she said with a grin, pressing another kiss to the warm skin there.

“Mm,” Wynonna smiled, circling her arms lazily around Nicole’s body on top of her, “A few, yeah.”

Nicole bounced against her with another laugh before snuggling against her and trailing her fingers lightly over Wynonna’s side, feeling the grooves of her ribcage.

“Here?” she asked, laying her hand flat over the spot; her thumb still sliding back and forth over the skin.

“Yeah,” Wynonna nodded, “Made an appointment for the end of the month.”

“Oh yeah? Does Gus know?”

“Nah,” she chuckled, “Better to ask forgiveness than permission and all that. Besides, I’m 18. I don’t need her permission to get ink if I want.”

Nicole hummed, “You have a point.”

“Sure, you don’t want to make it a double appointment?” she asked, tapping one finger against the back of Nicole’s head, “Be one of those obnoxious couples with matching tats?”

Nicole laughed, “Tattoos aren’t for me.”

“If you say so,” Wynonna relented, “But you’d definitely look hot with some ink though.”

“Wynonna Earp are you saying I’m not hot already?” she teased, feeling her eyes threaten to droop down in their relaxed position.

“Trust me, you’re plenty hot.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Oh yeah,” Wynonna repeated with a smirk then gently pulled on her shoulders, “C’mere.”

Nicole smiled and did as she asked, moving to hover over her face to face. She leaned down for a kiss when the barn door suddenly burst open, causing her them both to jump in surprise.

“Wynonna are you in…here,” Waverly froze in the doorway, clearly catching an eyeful of the couple.

“Jesus!” Wynonna said as she jolted, still hiding under Nicole’s body. Her hand scrambled to grab her discarded jacket and pulled it over to cover as much of Nicole as she could.

Waverly took a second before shaking her head and finding her voice again.

“Gus needs you.”

“Tell her I’m…” she gestured over their bodies awkwardly, “busy!”

“Tell her yourself,” she turned to leave.

“Hey! You didn’t’ say hi to Nicole!” Wynonna shouted after her, unable to resist needling her sister even more.

Waverly continued her exit without pause, leaving the door wide open as she vanished.

Nicole dropped her head against Wynonna’s collarbone, feeling her girlfriend pat her back.

“So rude, that one.”

Nicole groaned and lifted her head to look at her, “Well that won’t help to stop her hating me.”

“Come on,” she said lightly, “She doesn’t hate you.”

“Yeah, sure.”

Nicole sat awkwardly across from Waverly at the table on the diner’s outdoor patio, Dozer at ease laying at her feet. Her eyes continuously going between Waverly and Wynonna who leaning against the fencing around the area. Waverly was focused on the menu and looking it over, unaware or ignoring Nicole’s demeanor.

“Psst,” Wynonna whispered, as if she were worried Waverly would magically hear her if she didn’t. Once she had Nicole’s full attention, she nodded her head towards Waverly.

Nicole shrugged discreetly, widening her eyes a bit, trying to convey that she had no clue what the hell was going on or what she was supposed to do.

Wynonna widened her own eyes in response, almost mocking her own face, before gesturing at her sister. Nicole shook her head once more, causing Wynonna to set her jaw into a dangerous look Nicole knew all too well. She instantly felt Wynonna’s palm smack the back of her head as she was suddenly standing behind her. The impact caused her to jerk in place, more from surprise than any actual pain, and she put her own hand against the spot that she’d hit.

“You ok?” Waverly wondered to which Nicole nodded quickly.

“Yeah. Yeah, just, you know, still kind of feeling the hangover I guess,” she excused, she glanced to Wynonna briefly before deciding to attempt a conversation, since she guessed that was what Wynonna wanted from her, “When you said you want to grab something on the way, I was expecting a drive-thru or something.”

“Oh,” she replied, her fingers beginning to nervously play with the corner of the menu, “Well, you probably shouldn’t work so hard with all that grease in your stomach, right? I mean, that kind of stuff isn’t great for you on a normal day.”

“Right,” Nicole nodded and looked at her hands as they drummed on the tabletop. The light bruising still on the knuckles of her right hand gave her a moment of thought. She curled her hand up tight as she stared at it. Remembering the way it felt to hit Champ in his loud mouth for the things he said.

It wasn’t long before Wynonna’s hand slid over hers and worked her fist loose to hold her hand instead. She looked at their joined hands for a moment, regulating her breathing to keep her emotions straight.

“Um,” she started, still looking at their hands, “I should apologize.”

“For what?”

Nicole swallowed, wondering if Waverly meant that as she didn’t know what Nicole could be apologizing for, or if it was because there was so much she felt deserved an apology from her. Nicole couldn’t blame her if it was the latter.

It was probably a long list. But she settled for the one that was on her mind.

“For Champ,” she explained.

“Oh!” Waverly said, surprised that she had been so focused on her anger about that earlier in the day and had basically forgotten about it after everything that happened at the house.

“I shouldn’t have lost my temper like that,” Nicole continued, “I should have walked away. I’m sorry I upset you.”

“It’s fine. I know how he can get,” Waverly answered, surprisingly honest about it, “I shouldn’t have yelled at you like I did. I should have heard you out, considering he probably deserved it. I’m…I’m sorry too.”

Nicole nodded, dropping her hand onto Dozer’s head as the waitress came and took their orders. Once she had left them alone again, Waverly took Nicole’s example to apologize about something that had been on her mind before silence could settle in for too long.

“Nicole, what I said to you,” her voice wavered on the next words, “after the funeral…” she cleared her throat and breathed out evenly before continuing, “I’m so sorry. It-It was so uncalled for.

Nicole swallowed hard at the reminder, instantly feeling Dozer rest his head on her thigh.

“It’s ok,” she managed the words, though she didn’t know how well Waverly would be able to hear her.

“It’s not,” Waverly shook her head, “I was angry and sad and hurt and I took it out on you. That wasn’t fair because…because you were all those things too.”

She paused, taking another breath as Nicole remained silent, digesting her words.

“You were right that day. I’m not the only one who lost her, and I acted like I was. I’m sorry.”

Nicole felt Wynonna’s hand leave hers to slide up her arm and drape around her shoulders, a featherlight kiss touched her cheek. Waverly’s words seeped into her chest and she felt like she did that day all over again. Not that those feelings had ever gone away, but they were amped back up again. She remembered what Wynonna told her at the church. That she and Waverly were the only ones who really understood what it was like. That they should be able to relate to each other because of that. But hadn’t been able to because of the sharp air always between them.

“Can I ask…” she started, flexing her hand to keep from reaching for Wynonna’s once more, “What did I…Why do you hate me so much?”

Waverly seemed struck by the question, fiddling with her fingers and opening her mouth a few times without speaking. She got a momentary reprieve when their food arrived and Waverly started to pick at her salad for a minute until Nicole decided it didn’t matter anyway. It would change anything.

“Forget it,” she mumbled and looked at her burger, her appetite dwindling despite how hungry she felt.

Waverly stabbed a hunk of lettuce with her fork before sighing and dropping it against the bowl with a clang.

“I don’t hate you,” she confessed, “I never did.”

Holding back the scoff that nearly came out at the words, Nicole instead said, “Guess you just have a funny way of showing it.”

Waverly opened her mouth again, but once again felt her words fail her. She returned her eyes to her food and instead felt herself saying, “We shouldn’t take long. Gus is probably wondering what’s taking so long.”

Nicole couldn’t contain the scoff that escaped on reflex that time, “Right.”

She tore off a chunk of her burger and gave it to Dozer, immediately hearing Wynonna’s loud sigh. She looked over where she was standing with her arms crossed and watching longingly as the dog happily chomped down the meat.

“Lucky bastard,” she muttered towards him, then dropped her head back and groaned, “Fuck, I miss cheeseburgers.”

Nicole hid her smirk behind a bite of her burger, choosing to focus on Wynonna’s antics rather than the rollercoaster Waverly had spent the day taking her own.

The rest of the meal passed quickly in silence, with Nicole wishing she had any other option for getting to the homestead that day. When they finished, she loaded Dozer into the jeep and the ride over was spent in the same silence.

In the backseat, Dozer was hanging his head out the side of the car on the driver’s side, occasionally barking into the wind as it brushed through his fur. From the corner of her eye, Nicole saw Waverly look back at him briefly with a small smile, and she wondered how she’d react if she could see what Nicole saw.

Behind her own chair, Wynonna also had her head sticking out. Her hair whipping around violently as she shouted to Nicole over the rush of wind.

“I can see why he likes this!”

Nicole laid the back of her hand against her lips to keep from laughing, especially when Wynonna decided to answer Dozer’s barks with her own before she just started outright howling.

When they arrived at the homestead with the familiar sound of gravel under the tires, Nicole quickly pushed her door open. It wasn’t lost on her that their positions were basically switched, as it was normally Waverly who couldn’t wait to get away after their rides.

“Nicole,” Waverly said as she was halfway out of the jeep.

Against her better judgement, she paused and waited to hear what Waverly had to say.

Adjusting her hands still around the steering wheel, Waverly took a moment before finishing her thought.

“Maybe we can…start over?” she asked uncertainly, “Maybe be friends?”

Nicole looked to Wynonna who was already standing outside the car. Her girlfriend just shrugged her shoulders, clearly leaving it to Nicole to decide without any of her usual input.

Nicole bit her lip and shook her head a little in disbelief for how the day had gone so far.

“Sure, Waverly,” she answered getting out of the car, “Whatever you say.”

She let Dozer out and the two of them set off around the house towards the barn.

Waverly watched them go until she couldn’t see either of them anymore and dropped her head against the wheel.

“God,” she whispered to herself, reeling from the events of the day. She couldn’t believe what a whirlwind it had been; far away from the expectation she had when she left the house that morning to pick Nicole up.

She couldn’t stop thinking about that notebook and what it meant. Or what sort of situation Nicole was living in. She thought of all the days Wynonna brought her over for dinner and how Waverly complained about it every time.

“Doesn’t she have her own home?”

She wondered if Wynonna did that because those dinners were Wynonna’s way of making sure her girlfriend actually ate that day. And there Waverly was giving her sister a hard time and acting like a child the whole time. But she didn’t know. She never got even a hint of anything being wrong at home for Nicole. Though, she supposed she never asked any questions or made any effort at all to get to know her sister’s girlfriend.

She couldn’t help but wonder, what else she was hiding.

X

X

X

Chapter Text

“Hey.”

Nicole looked up from her drink at the voice, finding Xavier coming to lean beside the wall next to her.

“Hey,” she answered, “Didn’t know you were coming tonight.”

“Could say the same to you,” he replied and glanced around the crowd inhabiting the Gardner mansion, “Not really your scene.”

Nicole gave him a half-smile and shrugged her shoulder, “You know, how it is. Happy Earp, happy life.”

“I see that. Waverly is even around here somewhere,” he chuckled and followed her eye line over to where Wynonna was laughing with Mercedes, “Enjoying yourself, at least?”

Nicole shrugged again.

“It’s fine, I guess. She’s having fun and I’m just drunk enough that the music doesn’t suck, so call it a win.”

He nodded and returned to silence beside her. One of her favorite things about him was his ability to sit in silence without any weight to it. It had first intimidated her, but as she grew to know him more, she learned it was just his way. Like he knew exactly when to speak without a breath of wasted words. Just his presence was enough to convey his strength and intelligence, and it soon went from intimidating to calming.

“Punk! Dolls!” they heard Wynonna call out and wave them over, “Come to the lounge with us!”

Nicole grinned at her friend, “The lady beckons.”

They made their way over to Wynonna who took Nicole’s hand and led them into a room away from the crowd where a small group was gathering. To her annoyance, Doc was among them.

“What’s going on?” Nicole asked as she took a seat and let out a dramatic ‘oof’ when Wynonna plopped down to sit across her lap.

“We’re gonna play a game,” Wynonna informed, wrapping her hand around her head and playing with the hair on the back of her head.

“What game?”

“Truth or dare!” Mercedes announced happily as she closed the door and shut out the noise of the party.

Nicole held in her groan at the idea but decided to go along with it to not ruin her girlfriend’s fun. There was still alcohol, Mercedes even busting out the stash of the good stuff for the smaller group. They settled in and played a few turns, sufficient stupidity and embarrassing confessions followed as was expected.

When it was Kate’s turn, she got a sparkle in her eye and looked in Doc’s direction.

“Doc,” she pointed at the cowboy who winked behind his tipped glass, “Truth or dare?”

“Well, what kind of man would I be if I did not choose dare?”

Nicole rolled her eyes and ran her hand over Wynonna’s thigh, using her warmth to keep calm.

“I dare you…” Kate started, bright teeth on display as she smiled, “to shoot your shot with the person you most want to sleep with out of everyone here.”

Nicole tensed up, anticipating where he’d go as he downed his drink and stood up. Wynonna rubbed her hand over the back of her neck to comfort her as they watched him step over to their side of the group. However, Nicole allowed herself to relax when he instead stopped beside them at Kate’s chair instead.

He set his hand over her shoulder against the back of the chair and leaned in; Kate smiling up at him as he did.

“Is that really what you want me to do?” he asked.

“Definitely,” she whispered up at him.

“Rules are rules,” he whispered and took his hat off as Kate’s eyes closed in anticipation.

Just before their lips met though, he swerved to the side and caught Wynonna’s lips with his own.

And everything exploded.

X

Nicole ran a hand through her hair and adjusted her work smock, hoping to look as if she gave a damn for the conversation she was about to have. Taking a moment to run through her planned pitch in her head, she approached Al’s small office and knocked on the doorjamb.

“Al? You have a second?” she asked the old man as she stepped inside.

“Depends,” he said, “You about to ask for an even more reduced schedule?”

“No,” she forced an awkward laugh, “The opposite actually.”

“Oh?” he asked surprised, and set his pen down, “Your side project at the Earp place done?”

“Uh, no, coming along but still about half to do,” she said, “but, cutting hours here kind of means, you know, cutting the paycheck.”

“Gibson ain’t paying you?” he asked confused, “Jesus, what are you doing out there, kid?”

“It’s more of a trade,” she explained, “but bills don’t care about stuff like that.”

She scratched her temple and waited while he digested the information.

After a moment, the old man leaned back in his chair.

“What did you have in mind, then?” he asked her, “I already got you open to close on days you aren’t out there.”

“I don’t know I was thinking maybe I can come by after I finish up there every day? I know it’s after close, but I thought I could come and do some inventory after hours or-or I can prep orders for next day or something like that for a few hours?”

The old man let out a sigh, giving Nicole an inkling that she was about to be denied.

“Look, Nicole,” he began, shutting down her hopes with those two words, “You’re a good kid and a hard worker. And I know you’ve gone through some stuff lately- “

“It’s ok,” she said quickly, already backing out of the office, “Worth a shot to ask, right?”

“It’s just with the insurance I can’t have you in here after hours and- “

“It’s fine,” she reiterated, “I, uh, better head out. Thanks anyway.”

She left the office, feeling Wynonna fall into step beside her as she went to the front desk to clock out.

“That could’ve gone better,” she remarked, “I’m sorry.”

“I’ll figure something out,” Nicole mumbled, though not able to hide how disheartened she was.

“You will,” she assured, rubbing her hand down her arm, “You want to get drunk?”

Nicole hummed with a sad smile, “I want a lot of things.”

“I know.”

They walked out of the store and Nicole took a deep breath of the cool evening air. She shoved her hands in her pockets and started walking. Wynonna slipping her arm through hers as they went along.

“At least it’s a nice night,” Wynonna offered, “Nice and still, you know.”

“Mmhm,” Nicole agreed, her eyes roaming surrounding businesses, mentally making a list of which ones were open later so she could hopefully find a second job with one. Well, third technically.

She mentally berated herself for not being better prepared for the situation. Of course, pulling back her shifts so she could work on the fence would mean smaller paychecks. She’d barely been scraping things together as it was, even getting paid for a full schedule.

“Hey,” Wynonna bumped her to pull her out of her head, “Look I know what I said about the truck, but you’ve gotta look out for yourself. I don’t want you to get in a bad spot because of me. Eleanor was a good old girl for a long time. Maybe it’s time to let her go.”

Nicole shook her head and placed her hand over Wynonna’s on her arm as she stopped to face her.

“I’m already in the middle of it. I can’t leave Gus hanging,” she reasoned and then gave her a small smile, “Besides, if I were any good at letting go, my brain wouldn’t cook you up every day, would it?”

“You assume it’s your brain doing it,” Wynonna replied, “You could just be haunted by a super sexy ghost, remember?”

“Of course,” Nicole grinned and started walking again, “Come on, let’s go home.”

X

“Gus?” Waverly asked hesitantly as she entered the kitchen and found her aunt doing dishes.

“Yes, darlin’?”

Waverly started nervously wringing her hands.

“There’s something I want to talk to you about.”

Gus turned off the faucet and dried her hands on the towel before walking over to the island to stand opposite Waverly. She leaned her hands against the counter and looked at her niece.

“Ok, talk girl. What’s on your mind?”

“Well, I was thinking,” she started, pulling on her fingers, “I think you should pay for the fence work.”

Gus clicked her tongue in disappointment.

“Waverly,” she sighed and shook her head, “We’ve been over this. Nicole is doing the fence. She already done half the work. I’m not dropping her after all the work she’s done because you don’t like her. I thought you’d gotten over this by now.”

“No, no. I mean, that’s not what I meant. I was trying to say, I think you should pay Nicole. For the work she’s doing.”

Gus looked at her curiously.

“Instead of the truck?” she wondered surprised, “She was pretty damn set about it. Something change her mind? Did she say something? Ask you to ask me about this?”

“N-No,” she shook her head, “She didn’t say anything. She doesn’t know I’m talking to you about this. It’s just me.”

“Ok?”

“Also, I was kind of thinking you could pay her…and give her the truck?” her voice at the end of her question, knowing it was a strange request.

“Waverly- “

“You were going to pay someone anyway, right?” Waverly’s words began rushing out, “Probably a lot more than you would get for the truck. You said yourself you’d be lucky if it ended up going for scrap, right? A-And the work she’s done and still has to do is worth more than what you’d get for it. Especially doing it herself.”

“Well just what brought on this idea, hm?”

Waverly looked down at her hands, picking at the nails as she shrugged awkwardly.

“Nothing,” she lied, unsure if she should disclose the information she’d learned while snooping at Nicole’s house, “Just thinking. I want to be fair, that’s all.”

“Is that so?” Gus asked, and Waverly gave her a jerky nod.

Gus continued to look at her for a few seconds, causing Waverly to force herself not to squirm under her eyes. She felt like Gus was trying to read her mind right then and that if she weren’t careful, the woman would succeed.

Finally, she let out a sigh, “I’ll think about it.”

“Thank you.”

X

“Seriously, I bet it would be so easy,” Wynonna continued, “Need a quick buck, just lose some clothes and dance to some pumping music and boom. Rake it in.”

Nicole laughed at the idea, “You’ve seen me dance, right?”

“Well, yeah, but what you lack in rhythm, you make up for in…” she trailed off as they stepped on Nicole’s street and her house came into view, “Who’s that?”

Nicole paused and saw the unfamiliar car in the driveway and the lights on the main floor illuminating the windows.

“I don’t know,” she said, “with my luck, probably a debt collector or something.”

“A debt collector who lets themselves into your house?”

Nicole didn’t say anything, instead just started walking towards it, a bit slower and cautious. As she got closer, she could hear Dozer barking from inside, loud, and fast and angry. It sent all her alarm bells ringing.

She stopped at the car and looked inside for a clue as to who it could be and found nothing that gave anything away. She reached in her pocket and took out the boxcutter she still had from her shift as she approached the door the slightly open door.

“Stay here.”

“Wha-Stay here?” Wynonna repeated and quickly followed. Meeting her on the porch she reminded her in a low voice, “Hello! Dead. Unless there’s a ghostbuster inside, I think I’m good.”

“Right. Habit, I guess.”

“Aw, so protective,” Wynonna said, ruffling her hair.

Nicole shook her hand away as she focused on the fact that someone was in her house. She slid the blade out of the knife and took a breath.

“Ok.”

Slowly pushing the door open enough to slip in as quietly as possible, Dozer’s noises became louder around her. She carefully started making her way towards where his kennel was, feeling doubly bad that he was stuck in it now that someone he didn’t know was there when they clearly shouldn’t be. She got braced herself for whatever potential confrontation would follow.

“Shut up!” a harsh voice shouted, followed by what sounded like someone kicking the side of the kennel, making Dozer begin to snarl and Nicole’s stomach drop.

She knew that angry voice all too well. Retracting the knife, she rounded the corner and swallowed.

“Mom?”

X

X

X

X

Chapter Text

The group all reacted at once. Some just freezing in shock and others making noise of surprise or protest. Kate looked away clearly embarrassed and Dolls stood up. But none of their reactions registered to Nicole; only aware that Wynonna immediately stood from her lap and pushed against Doc’s chest to separate them at the same time Nicole jumped angrily to her own feet.

She reached around Wynonna, grabbing a fistful of Doc’s shirt.

“What are you doing?” Nicole asked furiously, pushing forward to get in his face, “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

“Nicole,” Wynonna said, wrapping a hand around her arm, “Leave it. He’s not worth it.”

“No, this piece of shit needs to know he can’t mess around with people like this.”

Doc held his hands up as Nicole kept a tight hold on his collar, “Well I was only following the rules of the game.”

“You son of a bitch,” Nicole stepped threateningly closer, forcing him back against the wall with her grip.

“Why Nicole, you seem a might insecure in your relationship,” he smirked.

She shoved him into the wall again, dropping her hand from his shirt and pulling it back in a fist ready to fly.  A large hand wrapped around her wrist before she could send it into his arrogant face.

“That’s enough,” Xavier said, separating them with a strong arm between their bodies, “Let’s cool it.”

“I’m cool,” Doc said, earning an automatic shove from Xavier who pointed a finger at him.

“You shut your mouth,” he ordered and kept Nicole from surging forward again. He pushed her back a few steps and spoke low for only her ears, “Take a minute. Think about your future. Don’t risk something bad coming from this. Ok.”

Nicole knew what he was talking about. She was offered a partial scholarship to play ball. It wasn’t a lot, but it made things a little more attainable. Though at that moment, she didn’t give a damn about any consequences that might come from letting Doc know exactly what she thought of him; physical, legal, or otherwise. To hell with playing basketball if she could smash that stupid moustache off his face.

Wynonna stepped in front of her, hands going to the clenched muscles of her jaw as she tried to coax her to look at her.

“Hey, calm down, it’s ok,” she tried to get her angry eyes on hers, “Punk. Look at me.”

Nicole finally did as she said and looked at her girlfriend. She blew out a breath and dropped her head for a moment.

“Ok?” Wynonna whispered.

Nicole lifted her head and her eyes automatically darted around the room at the group around them. Everyone watching them; watching her.

“Fuck this,” she declared and stormed out of the room.

She was stomping through the yard, pulling her keys out of her pocket when Wynonna caught up to her.

“Nicole, wait!”

“This was stupid,” she mumbled to herself, then turned her head over her shoulder, “I’m leaving.”

“That’s fine. We can go, but you’ve been drinking,” Wynonna warned, “Plus, look, your car’s blocked in.”

Nicole looked where Wynonna gestured and saw that Rosita’s car was indeed parked behind hers.

“Damn it.”

X

Nicole stared at the woman standing in the kitchen. Even though it had been months since she’d last seen her, it felt like years had passed between them. She was tanner than Nicole remembered, the greys in her hair had spread farther out from her temples. But there was no doubt in the world who she was looking at.

“God, can you make that thing shut up?” she demanded.

Nicole shook her head, snapping out of it and looking at Dozer still barking and snarling in his kennel ready to defend their home from the stranger.

“He’s not a thing,” she said as she knelt down to undo the latch, “His name is Dozer, and he lives here.”

She opened the door and used one hand to hook her fingers through his collar to keep him from taking off, and the other to start petting his head.

“It’s ok, buddy,” she soothed, scratching his ear in just the spot he liked, “It’s all ok. You did good, boy. You’re such a good boy. I promise.”

“You should let him go,” she saw Wynonna standing in front of them, arms crossed and glaring at her mother, “Maybe he’ll rip her a new asshole.”

“Whatever you call it, shut it up,” her mom ordered, the screech in her voice causing Dozer to get riled up again.

“Just- “Nicole held up a hand at her mom before focusing on her dog again. She decided to take him to her room for a while so she could deal with her mom for the night. Struggling a bit with his collar as he tried to get to the person he saw as an intruder, Nicole held on tight, “Ok, ok. I know, Doze. I know. Wait here for me buddy ok? Here, play with your rope. Take the rope. I’ll be back, ok?”

She closed the door and took a second to lean back against it, knocking the back of her head against the wood.

“Don’t do that,” she felt Wynonna’s hand slip between her head and the door, “You cracked your head open a few months ago, remember? Maybe don’t go banging it against doors. Deal?”

Nicole took a long breath and looked at Wynonna with sad eyes and whispered, “What the fuck?”

“I’m telling you,” Wynonna said in all seriousness, “Let him at her. You know she deserves it. Showing up like nothing happened after ghosting you when she did.”

Nicole ran a hand over her face a bit rougher than she had to before rubbing her temple.

“You ok?”

Nicole looked at her again, rolling her lips.

“I don’t want to talk to her,” she whispered, “I don’t…she disappeared. I was…in the hospital and she…”

“I know,” Wynonna stepped close and ran her hand up into her hair to pull her forehead to lean against hers, “You don’t have to talk to her. You don’t owe her shit, hear me? You can get your dog and a bag and get out of here tonight. Go to the homestead, you know Gus wouldn’t hesitate giving you a place for the night. Or longer if you need it.”

Nicole closed her eyes, the action forcing a tear to slide down her cheek.

“Nicky!” the voice came through the house, “Where the fuck did you go?”

Nicole’s eyes wrenched shut even tighter.

“Nicky,” she repeated, “I fucking hate it.”

“I know,” Wynonna sighed.

Nicole stood up straight and wiped her face once more before heading back down the hall. She returned to the kitchen in time to see her mom removing a beer from the fridge.

“Hardly any booze, Nicky?” she complained, “What the hell?”

Nicole shoved her hands into her pockets, clenching her hidden fists, a million responses on the tip of her tongue.

“Where’ve you been?” she muttered instead.

Her mom spun around and looked at her daughter, “You don’t sound happy to see me, Nicky. Did I ruin some party plan?”

“Don’t- “Nicole started, shaking her head, “don’t call me Nicky. You know I hate it.”

“I’ll call you whatever the hell I want, Nicky,” she said angrily, “I’m the parent, remember? You don’t call the shots. Remember?”

“This bitch,” Wynonna said, eyes glued on the woman.

“Yeah,” she said quietly.

“What the hell have you been up to here, huh?” she asked, lifting her hand to knock against the cabinet above her, “No food in the kitchen. Furniture missing. A fucking animal in my house. What have you been doing?”

“Trying to survive, you selfish bitch,” Wynonna snapped, stepping in front of Nicole, “No thanks to you.”

“You sell my shit for drugs?” she accused, “Is that it?”

Nicole shook her head, “No.”

She hated how she could make her feel so small. Swallowing, she shifted her weight from foot to foot while gazing at the floor. She cleared her throat as the words started to escape her without warning.

“I’m fine, by the way,” she said.

“What?”

Nicole took a breath and lifted her head to face her, “I said I’m fine,” she repeated, “Get headaches sometimes. And the doctor said I should probably get glasses or something ‘cause my vision’s a little blurry now, but otherwise I’m fine. Thanks for asking.”

“What the hell is your smart mouth on about?” she raised an eyebrow.

Nicole cleared her throat again, speaking with a little more strength.

“I just figured since you took off while I was in the hospital, you’d want to know how I was doing.”

Her mom took slow steps towards her, brown eyes looking straight into the identical pair she’d inherited. Nicole felt her body tense up out of habit. Her breath stalled in her chest and her fists tightened in her pockets. It took everything she had to ignore the urge to hunch her shoulders.

“Don’t you dare,” Wynonna said darkly, even though the threat was useless.

However, after a moment more, her mother just clicked her tongue and smiled.

“Oh Nicky,” she said with a saccharine tone, ignoring the way her daughter winced at the word, “I knew you’d be fine. You’re a big girl.”

Nicole waited until she stepped back to the counter where she’d left the beer to let out her breath and speak again, “Where were you?”

“Living my life, Nicky. You know I am allowed to have fun,” she said, picking up the bottle and opening it. She took a sip and went on, “If you really want to know. Your mama was the life of the party in sin city, baby.”

“Sin City?”

She swallowed a sip then looked at Nicole like she was an idiot.

“Las Vegas?” she elaborated, “Jesus, Nicky, I know you’re not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I never pegged you for slow.”

“I’m not- “she shook her head, “You could have called.”

Her mom let out a sharp laugh, “You need your mommy to call and tell you goodnight? Please, baby, like you would’ve wanted to crawl off of that girlfriend of yours to answer.”

“Don’t talk about her,” Nicole blurted out, sharper than she intended.

She stopped drinking and looked at her daughter, “What’s gotten into you? I remember teaching you more respect than this.”

“My problem is you’ve been in Vegas partying this whole time while I’ve been here, working my ass off and selling our stuff to pay the bills,” she snapped, “What the hell, mom?”

Nicole didn’t really see what happened next. It went too fast. One second, she was facing her mother, the next she was on her knees, hands on her head, covering her eye and brow as a searing pain radiated from it. Her mouth hung open for the half-vocalized sounds of pain.

“How many times do I gotta tell you to watch how you talk to me?!” her mother shouted, the sound increasing the pain in her head.

She fell forward, leaving one hand on her head while the other planted against the tile to keep from falling all the way down. She felt her fingers hit the edge of bottle and sending it sliding against the floor.

That’s right.

She remembered the hard thunk that vibrated through her ears as the pain exploded where the bottle had nailed her.

“Not her head you fucking bitch!” she heard Wynonna yell; sounding farther away than usual even as Nicole felt her kneel next to her. Her hands carefully cupped her face, “Let me see it. Nicole, can you look at me?”

“God damn it, girl,” her mom groaned, “I think that was the last beer! Look what you did.”

Nicole only managed a grunt in response as she tried to get her bearings. She made a clumsy attempt to get to her feet but only ended up falling back to sit against the pantry door.

“Yep, last beer,” her mom complained after checking the fridge to be sure, “That’s just great.”

“You’ve been drinking.”

“Ungh,” Nicole felt her throat vibrate as she tried again to maneuver her legs under her, but quickly felt them slide out to lay before her on the floor. Her mom walked over to her and shook her head

“You haven’t even asked how my trip went,” she kicked her daughter’s leg before moving to step over her, “Pull yourself together. Jesus.”

“I-ugh,” Nicole tried, and made an attempt to reach for her mother’s leg as she stepped over her but failed.

“Nicole, Nicole can you hear me?” Wynonna’s foggy voice came again, “Move your hand, let me see.”

Nicole slumped more against the door and pulled her hand away from her head, seeing through blurry eyes the red splotch on her hand.

“Wy…”

God her head had never hurt so much.

It felt like there were anchor hooked on her eyes, but she managed to open them somehow.

“Wy-Wynonna?” her voice croaked the slurred word.

“Wynonna?”

She blinked slowly, discovering the weight that had been holding her eyes down was actually something sticking to her eyelashes. A weird red hue covered her eye and she groaned as she lifted her head from the window it was laying against. The first realization that she was in a car. Every inch of movement sending agony shooting through her body, originating from her head.

“Wynonna? Are you- “

“…ok?”

She looked in the seat beside her and saw it was empty. The seat her girlfriend should have been in. The seat she had been in.

“W’nonna?”

“Hey, hey I’m here,” her voice came again, making Nicole blink heavily, “Stay awake, ok? I think you need help. Get your phone out and call someone.”

“You’re here?” Nicole questioned, her eyes moving around to see her, seeing she wasn’t actually in a car.

“Yeah, yeah I’m here. Come on, get your phone out. Call somebody.”

“Ungh,” Nicole grunted and started sluggishly trying to get up.

“No, don’t,” Wynonna said, grabbing her arm, “Listen to me, you have to get your phone. Damn it, I can’t do it for you.”

Nicole ignored her orders and managed to pull herself to her feet. She stumbled and ended up leaning against the wall. Her shoulder sliding along it to keep her standing as she moved on instinct towards her room.

“Nicole, I think you need a doctor, your head- “

“Nuh-uh,” she mumbled, fumbling at the bedroom door, her bloody hand sliding around the knob until she managed to open it, “Gotta go t’bed. Work t’morrow.”

She stumbled around Dozer as she fell towards her bed. Collapsing on it, she managed to roll on to her back and let out a breath.

“S’better.”

“God dammit,” Wynonna said, her voice dripping with concern, “Please, we need to call someone. Please!”

“K,” Nicole said, bringing her phone out of her pocket and holding it out to Wynonna, “You do it.”

She shoved it towards Wynonna’s hand and let go, immediately hearing it clatter to the floor.

“Oops,” she muttered as her arm fell to the mattress beside her.

“Punk,” Wynonna’s voice cracked, “Nicole, I don’t know how to help you.”

“Punk,” Nicole repeated the endearment with a smile. She felt her mouth open to say something else but didn’t know if she actually managed before her eyes fell shut, though she thought she heard Wynonna's drifting voice once more.

“Damn it, how do I help you?”

X

Waverly grabbed a handful of popcorn from the bowl between she and Gus as they watched their weekly movie. Her aunt still hadn’t given her an answer on her proposal to pay Nicole for the work, but she figured if she let her sit with it for a while, the woman would go for it.

As she was bringing the salty snack to her mouth she stopped and noticeably shivered as a chill ran up her spine.

“Ok?” Gus asked, not taking her eyes off the screen where Dorothy was stepping out of her house into Oz.

“Yeah,” she looked around the room as if she’d find the cause of it somewhere, “Just got a…feeling.”

“What kind of feeling?” Gus asked.

“I don’t know, a weird one. Like there’s something I should do,” she said and then shook her head, “Sorry, I’m sure it’s nothing.”

“Well, you know what I tell ya,” she said, “Feelings happen for a reason. Is there something you should be doing?”

Waverly bit her lip, trying to decide what her sudden instinct was telling her. Strangely only one thing was coming to mind and she didn’t know why.

“I think so,” she answered, putting aside the pillow she’d been holding and standing up. She looked at the door and then back to her aunt, “Will you come with me? I just, I feel like I should make sure everything’s ok.”

Gus clicked off the television and put the bowl on the coffee table.

“Lead the way.”

X

X

X

Chapter Text

Nicole grunted as she finally managed to release her seatbelt. Every inch of movement felt like it took all the strength she had. She felt nauseous from the intense agony coming from her head and fought the urge to close her eyes in an attempt to let it pass; afraid if she did, she wouldn’t be strong enough to open them up again.

Her mouth moved, opening and closing a few times before she managed to actually speak.

“Wy…” she tried again to call to her, her voice cracking under the weight of the sound coming from her throat.

Her head rolled to the side again, still trying to make sense of the empty seat beside her. It didn’t make sense. Wynonna should be there. Where was she? Where was the windshield? What was going on?

“Ungh.”

God, her head was killing her. She put a hand against the right side of her head where it felt like all the pain was blooming from. The second her hand touched it she pulled it away; the contact only causing the pain to increase. Her fingers felt slick and warm after, like she’d dipped them in something.

None of it made sense.

She fumbled with the door handle for a few moments before she was able to force the door open, the metal groaning as it moved for her. Gracelessly, she slid her legs out, her feet instantly dropping out from under her as soon as they touched the ground.  A sharp cry burst from her as she collapsed to the asphalt.

Nausea hitting again full force after the upending movements and her stomach contracted painfully; barely allowing her a minute to drop her head before she vomited. Everything that had been in her stomach being expelled violently to splash against the hard ground in front of her.

A sob escaped her lips, her muddled brain desperate for explanation. The tears burned down her cheeks, mixing with blood and sweat on her face.  Gulping in heavy breaths, she managed to raise her head pull whatever was left in her to scream.

“Wynonna!”

X

Her chest vibrated with a low moan as Nicole felt herself coming around in pieces. Her fingers flexed, feeling the material beneath them. The texture feeling familiar but a bit difficult to place without the rest of her helping out. It was when sounds and smells started to come to her that she felt her heart begin to speed up.

She didn’t need to open her eyes to know where she was.

Not again.

She groaned, the noise coming from a deep place in her that didn’t want to relive those moments again. Unable to hide from it any longer, though, she opened her eyes just enough to confirm her suspicions and closed them again.

“No,” she whined, wondering if it really was as broken as it sounded in her own ears.

“It’s ok,” she heard, feeling a hand lay on her own.

She calmed a bit at the warmth and knowledge that she wasn’t alone. She should have known she wasn’t.  She opened her eyes again, blinking several times against the spike that went through her head even at the dim lights around her. She noticed the usual blur she’d gotten used to seemed more pronounced than before, but nothing she couldn’t live with if it stuck around.

“Hey,” she heard softly beside her, surprised that when she looked it was Waverly, not Wynonna in her company.

Her face must have shown her surprise because Waverly immediately started trying to ease her.

“It’s ok,” she said, “You’re in the hospital. Gus is here, too. She’s talking with the doctor.”

“What…What happened?” she asked confused, immediately looking around and realizing the two of them were alone. Like actually alone, “Where’s…” she stopped herself from finishing, “What happened?”

Waverly sighed, “I don’t know. Gus and I came by and you weren’t answering. Dozer was going crazy and the door was unlocked so we came in. We found you and,” she had to pause to clear her throat, “you were bleeding so much.”

“I was?” she asked, lifting a hand, and feeling the bandaging set along her head, feeling the slight tug from the IV as she did so.

As she touched the material, she remembered pieces of what happened. Her mother came back. Nicole pissed her off as usual. Wynonna was there. But where was she now?

Wait, Waverly said they were in her house.

“You said you guys came by. Was there anyone else there?” she asked, quickly hating the idea of the two of them coming across her mother, especially when she was already in a mood, “I mean, was anyone else there?”

“No,” Waverly answered slowly, slightly confused by the worry in her question, “Nicole what happened? Were you attacked? Did you have an-an accident?”

Nicole looked at her for a moment before answering, “An accident, yeah. Tripped on the curb walking home and …fell.”

“Jesus, that must’ve been a bad fall. How did you get inside after something like that?”

“Uh, adrenaline, I guess.”

“You should tell her,” Wynonna’s voice appeared suddenly, making Nicole jump in surprise and turn her head to look at her. She let out a puff of air as soon as she saw her.

“What is it? Is something wrong?” Waverly asked quickly, concerned by the sudden behavior.

“Yeah. I mean no,” she looked back to her, “I…Would you get the doctor? Just so I can talk to them about when I can go home? Please?”

“Oh,” Waverly voiced, brows lifting slightly at the abrupt request, “Of course.”

It was only then that she noticed she was still holding Nicole’s hand. She hadn’t realized it and let go quickly, hoping Nicole didn’t notice how awkward it was. Gathering herself, she got up to go do as she asked. When she reached the door, she paused, tapping her hand against her jeans a couple times before turning her head back.

“I’m really glad you’re ok,” she said softly before exiting.

Once she was gone, Nicole sat up quickly.

“Wyno-ah,” she hissed, her head pounding at the sudden action.

“Easy there,” Wynonna put a hand on her back, “You know we should really stop meeting like this.”

“You’re here,” she said, trying to keep herself steady after the rollercoaster of the last few…hours? How long had it actually been since she walked in to find her mom standing in the kitchen? “You’re still here.”

“Where else would I be?”

“When I didn’t see you…” she started nervously, grabbing the sleeve of her jacket and pulling her closer, “I thought you were gone. That she…she knocked you out of me or something.”

“You think I’d let that bitch win on me like that?” she asked, brushing her fingers across Nicole’s forehead, “Never. How many times have I told you? Whenever you need me, I’m here.”

“I’ll always need you.”

Wynonna hummed and cupped her face carefully in both hands, dropping a soft kiss on her forehead.

“Then I’m always here, aren’t I?”

Nicole closed her eyes, covering one of Wynonna’s hands with her own and allowing the relief to settle in her chest.  It didn’t last long before she heard footsteps and she dropped her hand. Waverly returned with Gus and Dr. Pressman, who she remembered from the last time she had to be there.

“Good to see your eyes, girl,” Gus said with a small grin, “Even if they’re a little different right now.”

“Huh?”

“Just a little hemorrhage in your eye,” Dr. Pressman said, “A few busted vessels, but nothing to be concerned about.”

“Oh,” Nicole said at the unexpected information since she obviously hadn’t seen what she looked like yet, “Is that why everything is extra blurry?”

“Why don’t we start at the beginning?” she suggested with a smile, “I don’t know if you remember me, but I’m Dr. Pressman.”

“I remember,” Nicole nodded. A person tends to remember the person they saw on the worst day of their life.

“Good,” she smiled, “Well you were brought in by ambulance last night – “

“Ambulance?” Nicole interrupted, sending a panicked look to Wynonna who was standing against the wall, her thumbnail between her teeth as she took everything in at the same time as her.

“I called them,” Waverly volunteered, “You weren’t waking up and there was a lot of blood and… “

“But I can’t -I can’t afford an ambulance ride,” she admitted, eyes darting around everyone nervously. She lifted her hand hooked to the IV and gestured to it, “I can’t afford any of this.”

“Hush now,” Gus said, patting her leg from her spot, “Don’t worry about any of that.”

“But I- “

“I said hush,” she repeated, “Let the nice doctor speak.”

Nicole swallowed but nodded her agreement, “Sorry.”

“It’s fine, Nicole. Stop me anytime you have questions, ok?” she reassured, “Now, you came in with a head wound. We were able to stop the bleeding and get you good and stabilized. We’ve got you on some pain meds that should keep the worst of it under control. The concern, however, is that this has come fairly close in time to the serious trauma earlier this year.”

Nicole started fidgeting with the blanket in her lap, “So what…what does it mean? Like, the headaches will be worse?”

“Possibly,” she answered, “Now that you’re awake we can do some tests to get a look at any possible issues. Last time, we noted that your vision was affected. Does it seem worse now?”

“I mean, a little I guess?” Nicole was embarrassed by how small her voice sounded, even to her and cleared her throat, trying to add a little more confidence, “Nothing major.”

“Ok,” she made a note in the folder she had and gave Nicole a kind smile, “We’ll definitely have a look at that.”

“And then I can go?” she asked, “I really can’t be here long. It costs so much, and I have to work.”

“Let’s do one thing at a time, ok?” Dr. Pressman nodded with another smile, “I’m going to get things started. You just try to relax and if you need anything, you- “

“The button,” Nicole finished, “I remember.”

“Right,” her smile looked a little sadder that time, maybe the fact that she was familiar with the hospital for the worst reasons, “I promise we’ll get you out of here as soon as we can. Ok?”

“K.”

When she left, Wynonna returned to her bedside, laying a hand on her arm.

“All right?”

Nicole gave the smallest shrug of her shoulders before Gus started speaking.

“Well, looks like you’ll live, huh?” she said with a small smile, “Good news.”

“Yeah,” she said quietly, “I’ll be back to the fence as soon as they let me out.”

Gus clicked her tongue, “You’ll do what the doctor says, that’s what you’ll do. The fence will be fine to wait for you to be all better.”

“You said you want it done by- “

“Nicole,” Gus interrupted, using a no-nonsense tone that shut her mouth, “It doesn’t matter what I said before. Listen to what I’m saying now, the fence and the truck, will be waiting for you. You need to take care of yourself. We’re lucky you’re ok.”

“She’s a smart lady,” Wynonna said, “You should do what she says.”

“And we’re real damn lucky for that dog of yours,” Gus continued, “If he hadn’t been causing such a ruckus, we likely wouldn’t have let ourselves in as quick as we did.”

Dozer.

Nicole suddenly registered it the second mention of him since waking up. Her mom must have left the house before they’d come over for whatever reason; likely to find some alcohol, Nicole figured. But if she came back with Dozer alone, there was no guarantee she wouldn’t act out against him, especially if drunk. She’d made it perfectly clear how she felt about Nicole’s dog.

“Dozer,” she said, suddenly filled with worry, “Where is he? Is he at the house?”

Waverly spoke up at Nicole’s growing concern.

“Don’t worry,” she started to explain, “He’s ok. I made sure he had plenty of food and water and that all the doors were closed. I would’ve brought him with us, but we came straight here. We can’t really have a dog in a hospital, you know?”

“No,” Nicole mumbled, grabbing the IV and pulling it out with a wince.

“What are you doing?” Waverly gasped at the same time Wynonna ordered, “Don’t!”

Ignoring them, she threw off the blanket and moved to get to her feet.

“Hey, Nicole, stop.”

“Calm down, just sit down.”

“You better sit your ass back down.”

Everyone was talking around her, voices getting mixed in her brain.

“I have to get him,” she said, sliding to the edge of the bed, “I need to get Dozer.”

The protests around her continued, the mess of it all making her head hurt more as she tried to get away from the hands urging her to stay in bed.

“No, you don’t- “she argued, “I have to get him.”

“Nicole!”

She clamped her eyes shut, unable to tell if that was Wynonna or Waverly as everything swirled in her brain.

“He’ll be fine on his own for a bit,” she heard, “You need to stay- “

“No!” she finally snapped, shouting despite the echoing throb it caused her, “I need to get him. He’s all I have; I can’t let her hurt him!”

The women in front of her froze, looking at her with shock and confusion at the outburst. Gus spoke first.

“Who?” she asked, making Nicole realize what she’d said, “Can’t let who hurt him, Nicole?”

Waverly looked back and forth between them for half a second, coming to her own realization out loud, “You didn’t fall, did you?”

“I…” she avoided Waverly’s eyes, choosing to look at Wynonna for some sort of guidance.

“Tell them,” she suggested, “Please.”

“I…I just want my dog,” she cowered out.

Wynonna sighed, but still rubbed her hand up and down her back to comfort her, even though she hadn’t done as she’d requested.

“Nicole, look at me,” Gus commanded sternly, waiting until her eyes were on her, “Yes or no, is she back?”

She didn’t mention any name, but she didn’t need to. It was in the dark shadow that came over her eyes as she asked the question. Nicole always wondered if Gus knew more than she ever let on. Wynonna squeezed her arm and Nicole’s eyes drifted to flicked to Waverly briefly, wondering if she knew too. Embarrassment burned through her as she sat back and nodded.

She saw Gus’ mouth tighten up before she seemed to settle herself.

“Ok,” she said after a moment, “I’m going to go get the dog and take him to the homestead. He’ll be fine there. And when I get back, we’re gonna talk.”

“Gus, I- “

“You take it easy,” she interrupted whatever Nicole was about to say, “Waverly will stay here, and I’ll call her to let you know when I’ve got him. Ok? And she’ll call me if I need to know anything.”

She looked at her niece as she said the last part, receiving a jerky nod from her. With the confirmation that she’d been heard, she left the room. Waverly jumping to catch her in the hallway before she got far.

“Gus, wait,” she grabbed her arm to stop her, “What’s going on? Who are you talking about? Do you know who did that to her?”

“I think so,” she answered, “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

“Gus- “

“Waverly, please,” she said harshly before walking away.

Waverly returned to the room, a dozen questions on her tongue ready to ask what it was everyone but her seemed to know. The words, however, turned to ash when she stepped in the room and saw Nicole.

She’d turned to lay on her side, thankfully not the injured side of her head. Strangely holding one of her hands up a bit, like she was feeling the air around her. Observing quietly, she stepped closer and could hear her speaking. Her voice low, but noticeably thick and heavy.

“I know,” she heard her saying, “I’m sorry. I should have…” a soft chuckle and a sniffle, “Yeah.”

From her place, Waverly also saw the moment Nicole became aware of her presence. The muscles in her back tensed up and her hand lowered back down to the mattress. She approached the side she was facing, quietly taking the seat there.

They both stayed still in the silence for a little while before Nicole spoke.

“Bet you have questions,” she said, sounding dejected.

Tucking her hair behind her ear, she answered, “I do.”

Another handful of quiet seconds passed.

“Are you going to ask them?”

Waverly looked into her eyes, the red splotch like a fingerprint in the right one not distracting from how deep those browns seemed. And how very sad they looked.

“Do you want to answer questions right now?”

“No.”

“Then no,” she replied nonchalantly, doing her best to give her a comforting smile.

She saw Nicole’s lips twitch in response.

“Thank you.”

X

X

X

Chapter Text

Nicole leaned against her car; her head tilted back as she took deep breaths. The had helped to tamp down her anger a bit. She could still feel it stewing in her bones, but no longer felt like she was about to fly off the handle. Though it was probably helped by the fact that she wasn’t looking at Doc’s smug face at the moment.

God, she shouldn’t have come.

She squeezed her eyes shut and pinched the bridge of her nose.

“Bingo!” she heard as Wynonna left the house and opened her eyes, spotting her jogging over. She noticed she was alone, though she’d gone to get Rosita to move her car.

“She coming?”

“Nah,” she answered and held up a set of keys, “She said to take hers. She’s gonna crash here and we can come back to trade off tomorrow.”

“All right,” Nicole shrugged, accepting the plan, “Let’s go.”

Nicole stepped forward and reached for the keys.

“Ah,” Wynonna voiced, pulling them away from her, “Nope.”

“Wy,” she said in a sigh, “Come on.”

“You’ve been drinking.”

“So, have you,” she answered.

“But I hold it better,” she said back, “Plus if Nedley or one of his flat foots catches us, I don’t have a fancy scholarship to lose, do I?”

“Wynonna- “she reached again, this time Wynonna swung the hand holding the keys behind her back and snuck a quick kiss to her lips before bouncing away towards the car.

Nicole shook her head, smiling at her antics as she followed.

“You sure you’re good?” she asked as she got in the seat.

Wynonna looks at her with a wink, “Golden.”

X

Gus sat in the car, tapping her fingers against the steering wheel while she waited, her eyes repeatedly going between the empty road and the house, wanting to make sure Lydia didn’t try to leave. She was doing her best to keep control now that she was alone without someone to stay sturdy for. Trying to keep levelheaded despite what she really wanted to do.

What she really wanted to do was break down the door, drag Lydia Haught out by her hair, and show her exactly why the Gibson’s used to be the girls that parents of Purgatory didn’t want their kids hanging around back in her day.

Especially because she knew. She knew. From the moment Wynonna first brought Nicole over, she recognized something in her that she knew from Michelle and girls living with Ward. She told herself she would keep an eye on her, be vigilant in case it ever got bad.

But then Wynonna died, and Gus was left with a shattered niece and trying to get ahold of Michelle and taking care of all the little details that had to be done afterwards. And somehow, somewhere in there, find time to deal with her own grief. Only a year after Curtis’ death. It felt like, in the blink of an eye, her once full house had become a skeleton of what it had been.

She made no effort to keep contact with Nicole as she pulled herself away in the aftermath. She failed the promise she’d made herself, and Nicole suffered for it.

Wynonna would certainly have words for her. That girl was ten handfuls of chaos, but her heart was huge and when she loved it was something fierce. God knew that was exactly how she loved that girl. If she could see how things had gone down since, the fire would burn Purgatory to the ground behind her.

Gus could still see so clearly the way Nicole had shattered right in front of her eyes. That night in the hospital, she’d taken it upon herself to deliver the news to Nicole. Deciding, as much as it hurt, she would put herself aside, so she didn’t have to have hear it from a stranger.

She didn’t think anything could ever be as painful as the way it felt to see Waverly crumple in her arms, completely overtaken with the heartbreak, but Nicole’s silent devastation as she turned away from her was pretty damn close.

The familiar car coming her way pulled her form her memories and she sat up straight in the driver’s seat. Flipping down the visor, she took a look at herself in the mirror, surprised to her cheeks wet. She wiped away the evidence and gave her cheeks a few pats.

“Come on, Gibson,” she chastised herself, nodding once she felt she looked like the hard woman people of Purgatory expected.

She got out of the car and met her old friend in front of the driveway.

“Randy,” she nodded, “Took your time.”

“Considering I don’t even know why I’m here; I think I made good time,” he excused, “You want to tell me?”

Gus looked at the house and crossed her arms.

“You’re here in case I need you.”

“Vague,” he said, “At least tell me this is above board.”

“It’s the right thing,” she said instead of answering directly, “Trust me.”

“Goodie,” Nedley said dryly and tipped his hat back, “Well, get to it. The sooner we do whatever this is, the sooner I can start regretting it.”

With a nod, she went to the door, aware of Nedley on her heels. She wasted no time at the door and started banging and shouting at the same time.

“Lydia Haught!” she hollered, “Get your ass down here and open this door!”

“Gus,” Nedley warned, “Am I going to have to arrest you here?”

Ignoring him, she just continued to knock, not stopping until the door finally opened.

“What the f- “the woman started angrily, stopping in surprise when she saw the two on her porch, “What’s this?”

Her eyes settled on Gus, recognizing who she was after a moment.

“Your girl ain’t here,” she stated directly, “Her and Nicky are probably off fooling around somewhere.”

“You stupid mess,” Gus said shaking her head, “I’m here for the dog.”

The woman barked out a laugh.

“Is that it?” she said lightly, “Take the damn thing. I don’t give a shit.”

“You’re just letting us take your daughter’s dog?” Gus asked, “Not even asking questions?”

“What do I care?” she shrugged, “I don’t want it here. Nicky will get over it.”

Gus tightened her jaw and reminded herself she was there for one reason at the moment. Nicole wanted the dog out of the house as soon as possible. Now wasn’t the time to get into it with the woman.

“Well, lets have him then. Where is he?”

Lydia shrugged, “Outside somewhere, I don’t know. Stupid thing wouldn’t shut up ‘til I opened the door. Thought he was gonna take my head off.”

“When the hell was that?” Gus asked angrily, not waiting for the answer before heading around to the fence.  She could hear Nedley following as she pushed open the gate and searched for a sign of the shepherd.

“Dozer,” she called out and then gave a sharp whistle.

They walked further into the backyard until Nedley stopped her, pointing at the fence.

“See that?” he asked, specifically directing her to the noticeable chunk of disturbed earth.

Hurrying over, Gus realized it was a hole, dug up beneath the fence.

“Shit.”

“That look big enough for her dog to go through?”

Gus rubbed her face and then smacked her palm hard against the fence, “Shit!”

She marched back around to the front door and let herself in without hesitation.

Lydia turned in surprise at the intrusion.

“What the hell are you- “her words were cut off as Gus struck her across the face.

“Gus!” Nedley hollered, grabbing the woman, and pulling her away.

“You piece of shit, sorry excuse for a mother!” Gus exploded, completely out of character.

“Oh, and you’re so high and mighty!” Lydia shouted back, “With that girl you raised probably running around giving it away to anyone with spare change in their pocket!”

Gus took another swing at the woman but Nedley kept her from getting close enough to land.

“You don’t even know what’s been going on! You don’t care what that girl’s been through. What you put her through!” she snapped back, “She’s in the hospital right damn now because of you! And don’t you even think about my niece ever again!”

“Get her out of my house!”

“Let’s go,” Nedley said, even as Gus kept trying to give the woman another piece of her mind. He managed to get her outside and held her by the shoulders to look at him, “Hey! This is why you brought me here, right? To stop the shit from hitting the fan.”

Gus nodded reluctantly before taking a breath.

“Damn it, I gotta find that dog, Randy,” she told him, “I can’t tell Nicole he’s gone. It’ll destroy what’s left of her.”

“We’ll find him,” he promised, squeezing her shoulders, “and in the meantime, you can fill me in on exactly what’s going on.”

“How much time you got?”

X

“Gus should’ve called by now.”

The soft words almost scared Waverly. Nicole had been quiet for what felt like hours while they waited to hear from Gus. Waverly had let the silence, holding back all the questions she had about what was going on.

What really happened last night?

Who did that to her?

Who was Gus talking about?

What was Nicole doing when Waverly came into the room?

So many things she wanted to ask, but knew it was probably not the time to bombard Nicole with them.

“I’m sure everything’s fine,” Waverly answered, “She’d tell us if something was wrong.”

Nicole didn’t answer, her eyes drifting to look at the space beside Waverly. She had noticed her doing that a lot; just staring at the empty air next to her. It was a small, unimportant thing, likely just Nicole’s gaze wandering along with her mind. But she couldn’t help but wonder if it was maybe Nicole just working hard to avoid looking at her.

“Why don’t you tell me about Dozer?” Waverly suggested, wanting to keep her from worrying herself.

“What do you want to know?”

Waverly shrugged with a smile, “Anything. The day you met him. What made you decide to bring him home? Or get a dog at all? Whatever you want.”

Nicole rolled to lay on her back again and folded her hands on her stomach.

“It was an impulse,” she told her, “I was coming home from Al’s and just kind of kept walking around until I ended up near the shelter. I thought it might help to go in and look at the animals.”

“Help with what?”

“All of it,” she answered vaguely, “When we lived in the city, I used to go to the shelter and spend hours going between the cats and dogs. Just hanging out with them. I think the staff felt sorry for me, ‘cause they never kicked me out. I think they could see how…lonely I was.”

Her fingers started to pick at the blanket.

“There was this cat there. This big, grumpy, orange thing. She was a couple years old and didn’t let anyone near her without a fight. But she came to me,” she felt a small smile tug at her lips, “As soon as I came in the room, she’d come up to the front of her kennel and start batting at the latch with her paw. I loved that cat; I think she loved me, too. In her way.”

Waverly smiled too, imagining Nicole charming a grouchy old cat.

“Sounds like she did,” she agreed, “Did you ever think about adopting her?”

Nicole’s smile dropped a bit, looking a little sadder than before.

“Asked my mom once. Begged is more like it,” her gaze fell to her right arm, the ghost of pain long faded pulsing there and she ran a finger over the skin, her eyes started going distant, “I didn’t ask a second time.”

Clearing her throat, she blinked a few times, “One day I went, and she was gone. Adopted by someone else; someone who could take care of her.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You never told me that,” Wynonna’s voice came gently from beside her sister.

Nicole looked at her, surprised by the truth of the soft statement. She hadn’t told her that.

“Sorry, I…” she began, eyes going from Wynonna to Waverly, “Uh, after we moved to Purgatory, after I m-met Wynonna, I didn’t feel the need to go. I wasn’t…” she took a shuddering breath, “I wasn’t lonely anymore.”

Waverly felt her hand twitch, fighting the sudden urge to reach out to her. She didn’t know how welcome it would be and didn’t want to hurt the moment they’d found themselves in.

“And…after?” she asked carefully.

“After,” she repeated, “She was gone. Mom was gone, so there was no one to stop me and I…”

She paused, a hard lump in her throat that she tried to swallow down and force the shaky words out.

“I just…I needed another heartbeat in the house,” she admitted with a tear slipping down her cheek. She noticed the way Wynonna looked down at herself, slowly, almost cautiously, touched her palm to her chest. Laying it where her heart had once been beating.

“I’m sorry,” Nicole told her quickly and ran her hand across her cheeks, vanishing the tear away, “I didn’t mean it like…I don’t want you to feel…”

“Hey, don’t apologize,” Waverly said, drawing Nicole’s attention back to her, “You don’t have to be sorry. I’m glad you told me how you feel.”

Nicole rubbed her face, feeling the skin tug her bandage as she did, using the reminder of the wound to focus.

“Sorry,” she said again, “Um…anyway, Dozer. Yeah, he knocked me over the first time I met him. Like, smashed into my me and knocked me on my ass.”

She laughed at the memory.

“Didn’t even give me a chance to get up before he climbed on top of me,” she smiled, “He looked me in the eye and just looked so desperate and hopeful and I knew he needed it, too. The way I did.”

“That’s,” Waverly started, “That’s really sweet. I can tell he loves you. You gave him a good home.”

“I hope so,” she looked at Waverly, “He needs to be ok, Waverly. I don’t know what I’ll do if- “

“Don’t think like that,” Waverly interjected, “He’s fine. He’s probably waiting to knock you over as soon as he can.”

“Right,” Nicole answered quietly. Silence settled again once more before Nicole broke it, “Waverly?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you…” she said with uncertainty, “Do you miss her…the way I miss her?”

Waverly didn’t answer right away. Wondering how she could possibly try to equate their feelings. While they both loved Wynonna, it was in completely different ways.

“Sorry, you don’t-you don’t have to answer that,” she backtracked, “It’s the pain meds. I’m not thinking straight. I’m sorry.”

She laid back completely, pressing her head into the thin pillow.

“No, it’s ok. It’s just hard to say I guess,” she told her, “Hard to compare. How-How do you miss her?”

Nicole took a shaking breath, looking at Wynonna, searching for the words to describe it even as she knew nothing could properly do so.

“It’s like someone ripped out a piece of me. Like…” she tried to explain, not feeling it was anywhere close to good enough, “Do you remember that old game? The one with all the weird shaped pieces and you have to get them all in the right spot before the buzzer goes off and pops the pieces everywhere?”

“Perfection,” Waverly nodded, “I remember.”

“It’s like that,” she continued, “All these pieces of me have their specific place where they should be, but the timer went off and shot them out in a hundred different directions. And I can do my best, but no matter what I try, I can’t get them right before it goes off again. There’s just chunks of me spread out everywhere and the spaces stay hollow.”

She shook her head.

“Sorry, that’s a pretty stupid analogy, huh?”

Waverly shook her head and spoke softly, “No, it…it sounds about right.”

Nicole looked at Wynonna again, saw the way she looked at her; then the way she turned her eyes to her Waverly. The longing that oozed from her gaze, desperate to interact with her little sister, gave Nicole a thought.

“What, um, what would you say to her if she could hear you?” she asked; causing Wynonna to jolt her eyes back to Nicole in surprise. She moved to sit on the edge of the bed, facing Waverly. Right in front of her, but nowhere near her.

“Oh,” Waverly voiced, running her hand through her hair and chuckling awkwardly, “Well I would tell her how much I love her, of course.”

The easy answer came first, before she seemed to spark and continued elaborated.

“I would say what an amazing sister she always was, even when she drove me crazy or made fun of me and called me a nerd,” she laughed a bit, “That I forgive her…for the time she accidentally sat on Pikachu, my hamster.”

A watery laugh came from Wynonna, followed by a sniffle. Nicole slid her hand along the bed, resting it near her leg to discreetly touch her.

“She did that?”

“Yeah,” Waverly nodded with a laugh, causing Nicole to respond with her own, “Poor thing never saw it coming.”

Waverly’s eyes burned, feeling herself become more serious.

“I would thank her for every time she took the blame with dad, so he wouldn’t be mad at me. And when she couldn’t do that, she did something stupid to make him focus on her instead. I always told her she didn’t have to, but she always did, even when it h-hurt her.”

She took a breath, her voice breaking on her next words.

“That she was never a screw up, no matter what other people said. She was strong and smart and funny and amazing. Even on her worst day,” she continued, “and I miss her. Every single day. I miss her so much.”

She dropped her head into her hand and cried freely. Wynonna in front of her with matching tears, moved towards her; lifting her hands as if to embrace her before remembering and dropping them uselessly. A sob escaped her as she wrapped her arms around herself instead.

“Nicole,” she said, her struggling voice choked up with emotion.

Hearing the meaning in the word Nicole sat up at the same time Wynonna moved out of the way. She cautiously put her hand on Waverly’s back to start, letting her decide if she would accept the offer or not.

Waverly almost instantly turned towards her, allowing Nicole to pull her in and wrap her up in her arms. After a moment, Waverly returned it; circling her own arms around Nicole and holding on to the comfort for dear life as she soaked her hospital gown with tears.

Nicole rested her head atop Waverly’s, her own tears falling to disappear in her hair. Her eyes, one marred with the red splotch across the sclera, found Wynonna. Her eyes reddened for a different reason as she looked at the two of them.

“Thank you,” she mouthed to Nicole, then tightened her hold on herself and closed her eyes, pretending the as she held herself, and Nicole held her sister, that the two were the same, “I love you Baby Girl.”

X

X

X

X

Chapter Text

Nicole blinked as she felt warm wetness drip over her eye. She swiped at it clumsily and looked around searching for Wynonna.

“Wynonna,” she tried again, groaning as her stomach rolled again.

She pressed her hand onto the ground to push herself up, barely feeling the shards of glass digging into the skin as she did so. At that point she was no longer able to differentiate one pain from another. She briefly got to her feet before stumbling back down almost immediately.

“Come on,” she cried to herself, pounding her hand against the asphalt, “Come on!”

Swallowing the taste of bile once more, she used the car as leverage and managed to get up once again even as her legs continued to wobble beneath her. She continued to brace herself against the truck and awkwardly shuffled her feet until she made her way around to the front of the vehicle. She could make out the bent, twisted metal of the hood and bumper, one of the headlights still shining somehow. The sturdy tree appearing unbothered by the impact save for some damaged bark where the car had collided before bouncing back a couple feet.

The world continued to spin while Nicole did her best to remain standing.

“W’nonna,” she called again, pressing a hand back to her bloody head, “Where ‘r you?”

Her words slurring, she tried to shake her head and instantly regretted doing so.

“Say somethin’…please. You ok?” she continued speaking to the night around her, “I-ungh…think m’hurt.”

She bent over, hands clasping desperately to the remains of the car to keep from falling again. Her voice turning into a cracked whine.

“Wy, please.”

“Nic…”

She raised her head, unsure if she’d actually heard anything or imagined it somewhere in her throbbing skull.

“‘cole.”

Squinting into the shadows of the tree line, her knees buckled, and she gasped out.

“Wynonna!”

X

“No, Randy, I don’t have a picture of him,” Gus groaned into the phone as she drove and sighed loudly, “Because he’s not my dog. I’ve only known he existed a couple weeks. Why would I have a picture?”

She paused, listening to the man currently driving through neighborhoods in town to search while she went to the homestead to type up some fliers.

“It’s a German Shepherd, Randy! It looks like a German Shepherd: brown, black, and big.”

Turning onto the road for the final stretch to the house, it took all her strength not to suddenly bang her head on the steering wheel in frustration.

“Yeah, he’s got a collar. Blue. Or maybe green,” she answered, trying to remember as she pulled into the graveled driveway, “Pretty sure it’s blue.”

As soon as she stepped out of the car, more impatient words on her tongue, she froze at the sound that reached her. A bark?

A bark!

She looked to the house and saw Dozer standing on the porch staring at her.

“Holy hell,” she breathed out and hollered loudly, “Dozer! Boy get your furry ass over here.”

The dog ran towards her, instantly bombarding her with a mixture of barks and whines as he wound around and between her legs. Not stopping for a second, she assumed the animal was too overwhelmed by worry for his still absent owner to do so.

She ran her hands over whatever part of him she could reach as he continued moving and let out a relieved sigh before standing up straight and speaking into the phone once more.

“It’s a blue collar,” she said definitively, “You can stand down, Randy. Yeah, thanks anyway.”

She hung up and looked back down at Dozer. Shaking her head, she squatted down to his level and ran her hands over his head. Holding it so she could look in his eyes.

“You are a troublemaker,” she said sternly before her voice softened and she started scratching her fingers through his fur, “Guess Nicole has a type.”

X

After finally being able to call Waverly and let the girls know everything was fine, keeping the more exciting parts of the trip a secret, Gus let Dozer in the house. She set him up with water and a bowl of food that she’d taken to keeping at the homestead for when he came with Nicole and then set off back to the hospital.

She paused in the corridor just outside Nicole’s room and took a breath; knowing it was time for an unpleasant conversation.

“Curtis,” she breathed quietly, “Wynonna, one of you, give me strength here.”

She knocked twice before entering the room, finding Dr. Pressman in the room with the girls as well.

“What’s the word?” she asked and looked at Nicole, “Will ya live?”

“All signs point to yes,” Dr. Pressman assured with a smile and nodded to Nicole, “I’ll be back in a little while and we’ll see about how quickly we can send you home. Ok?”

Nicole nodded with a quiet thank you and the doctor left them to it. When she did, Nicole looked to Gus with those heavy brown eyes of hers.

“Did Dozer give you any trouble? Or…anyone else?”

Gus crossed her arms, hearing the real question in the words and gave her a small grin.

“Nothing to report,” she fibbed, “He’s probably already torn up that old couch of ours.”

Nicole let out a breath and settled back on the pillow, looking up at the ceiling as she let relief settle over her.

“Good.”

“Yep,” she glanced between the two girls, “Did I miss anything important?”

Waverly looked at Nicole briefly before shaking her head, “Just talking. Passing time.”

“All right. Well,” she said, pulling the rolling stool to the bedside across from Waverly, she settled onto it and looked at Nicole, “I believe we have some things to talk about.”

Nicole sat up a bit more and swallowed nervously, feeling Wynonna’s hand slide into hers. Laying on the bed beside her, she leaned in and spoke gently into her ear.

“It’s ok,” she promised, “You can do this.”

Nicole only nodded, letting her eyes go from Waverly to Gus, nervously wondering exactly what was about to be said and asked.

“What do you want to know?”

Gus sighed and glanced to her niece, “Waverly, can you give us a few minutes?”

Waverly’s spine shot up straight, her surprise quickly giving way to offense. She clearly wanted to be there for the conversation and Nicole almost told her she could stay. She had no doubt she would eventually answer Waverly’s questions, too. But she preferred to do it when she felt they were on more equal footing. So, when Waverly looked to her, she could only off an apologetic look to portray she agreed with Gus.

“Waverly,” Gus said again, “Please, honey.”

Waverly looked between her aunt and Nicole, mouth half-open as if to argue her case, before thinking better of it.

“I’ll be outside,” she said tightly and left the room.

Gus waited until the door closed to look back at Nicole.

“Ok,” she said leaning forward with her elbows braced on her aging knees, “Let’s start with, when did your mother come back?”

Nicole’s eyes moved down to her hand, seeing the way Wynonna’s thumb was gently moving back and forth over her skin and thinking about how empty it looked to Gus.

“Last night,” she mumbled absently, “She was there when I got home from work.”

Gus nodded slowly, “And…she did this to you, didn’t she?”

Swallowing hard, she nodded; feeling Wynonna squeeze her hand in response.

“Yeah,” she whispered and heard the woman take a slow, controlled breath, causing her to lift her gaze back to her.

“Thought so,” she managed through a tight jaw, “What happened sweetheart?”

“I mouthed off,” she said, sounding too much to Gus like she was taking the blame, “She was upset about the fridge, that there wasn’t more in it; that Dozer was barking at her. I talked back and she didn’t like that either.”

“And?”

Nicole licked her dry lips, remembering the event in snippets but enough to know what happened, “There was a bottle. A beer she was drinking. She, uh, she swung it at me.”

Gus ran a hand over her tight face, doing her best not to react and scare Nicole from talking.

“It’s not the first time, is it?”

Nicole felt a rush of breath whoosh out of her as she heard the question.

“You knew?”

Gus’ mouth turned up in a small, sad smile.

“I suspected,” she answered truthfully, “How long?”

“Uh, after my dad left,” her voice went up at the end as if it were a question, “That’s when she started to…you know. Her temper got shorter. She hated being home. Being around me. Guess that’s something her and dad had in common.”

“How old were you?”

“Eight,” she said, barely audible. But it might as well have been shouted for the way Gus reacted.

“Eight?” she asked, her tone louder than before. She shook her head and ran her hand roughly over her face. Working hard to keep her composure with a deep breath for Nicole’s sake, she focused.

“Did you ever tell a teacher or counselor?”

Nicole shook her head, eyes slipping down again in shame.

“I know I should have- “

“Hey now,” Gus interrupted, “We’re not doing that, hear? We’re not having you blame yourself or playing could’a should’a.”

Wynonna’s head dropped onto her shoulder, the hand not tangled with Nicole’s started running up and down her arm; nails scratching lightly against the skin there. It reminded her that, though it wasn’t a teacher or anyone in a position of power, there was one person she told. Granted, it was because she had found her after a bad night and had been so caring and loving and protective; so fired up for justice and revenge on Nicole’s behalf she couldn’t help but open up to her.

Strangely, the thing she had been trying to hide from her new girlfriend for fear of it scaring her off had been a catalyst for bringing them even closer.

“I’m sorry Nicole, but there’s something else we need to talk about, “I don’t want to pry, Lord knows I’ve already dredged up a lot here, but when we came by, the house was looking pretty empty.”

Nicole felt her heart start thumping anxiously. She could imagine how she must have paled in front of Gus as her mouth went bone dry and pressure built up in her chest.

“And you said the fridge was empty,” she carefully continued, “Honey, I gotta ask; what’s going on there? Are there money problems?”

The pressure in her chest suddenly burst forward in a hard sob. She dropped her face into her hand and felt the hot tears start to fall. From exhaustion. Shame. Anxiety. Fear. Maybe even in relief that someone finally knew.

“She…She was gone for months,” she said, her voice quivering as the words fell from her lips, “She didn’t answer my calls and- “she took unsteady breaths, “And she didn’t pay anything before she left, and the bills started coming and the power was cut off a few months ago. I was working as many hours as I could, but it wasn’t enough.”

She swiped angrily at the tears on her face even as more continued to take their place.

“There was always something else; something else that was threatening to cancel or cut off or add late fees. I sold-sold whatever I could. Cut back anything I could live without and…”

Gus’ arm shot out, placing her hand on Nicole’s shoulder, and squeezed it tightly.

“Breathe, honey. Breathe,” she waited until Nicole wasn’t on the edge of hyperventilating to gently continue, “Your car isn’t in the shop is it?”

Nicole let out a humorless chuckle and sniffled, “I thought you’d figure that out a while ago.”

“I was suspicious,” she smiled a bit, “I mean, what the hell would keep it so long?”

Nicole shrugged and cleared her throat, “Had to get the lights back on and the hospital collectors off my back for a minute.”

“Darlin’ you know that should never have been your responsibility,” Gus assured, “Not for a second.”

Nodding, Nicole ran her hand through her hair and whispered, “I know. But I had to.”

Gus looked at her for a long moment, running her mind back over everything she’d learned. Nodding to herself, Gus inhaled deeply suddenly smacking her palms to her thighs and standing up.

“Right, looks like we’ve got some arrangements to make, then.”

Nicole squinted at the woman and wondered the meaning of her sudden statement.

“What arrangements?”

“Wait for it,” Wynonna said, pointing at her aunt as a grin began to crack her face.

Gus looked at Nicole as if it were obvious.

“To move you in,” she said plainly.

“What? Gus, you don’t- “

“Listen to me,” she demanded, “You ain’t going back to that house, and you sure as hell ain’t going back to that woman.”

Wynonna’s pointed finger curled into a fist and she pumped it once, smiling at Nicole.

“Boom.”

X

X

X

X

Chapter Text

Nicole tried to run to her.

Stumbling to the ground soon after pushing away from the car, she ignored the pain and dizziness as much as possible and started crawling towards Wynonna. The form of her girlfriend laying in the dirt, silhouette visible in the cover of the night and the canopy of trees.  Her hands clawed along as the ground changed from the hard asphalt to the dry dirt. Sticks stabbing into her as she forced herself to continue onward.

“Wynonna,” she said in a panicking breath when she finally reached her, “Wynonna, baby?”

Her hands hovered over her for a moment, unable to tell if there was any injury through the shadows and the blood constantly dripping into her own eye. She could see her body jerk as she coughed and carefully placed her shaking hands on her head, blindly brushing hair away from her face.

“Baby are you…what hurts?” she asked, “You’re hurt? Talk to me, please.”

“D’ya see…see that deer?” she breathed out awkwardly, “Bitch came out of no-nowhere.”

“Deer?” Nicole asked, looking back to the road momentarily, “That what happened?”

“Mm,” she hummed, her arm twitching as she meant to lift it, “Come…Come ‘ere.”

Nicole dragged her body on the dirt to bring herself closer.

“I’m here, I’m right here,” she promised, stroking her forehead, and taking a deep breath, “Where’s it hurt? Where?”

Wynonna didn’t answer right away. A few heartbeats of silence, broken only by the white noise of the wooded land around them and the airy wheezing coming from Wynonna.

“You ok?” she asked Nicole instead.

“I’m…think I hit my head, but you- “

“C’mere,” she requested again.

“I’m…” Nicole almost told her she was as close as possible but decided against it. Looking down at herself, she pulled herself closer until her knees were pressing against Wynonna’s arm and she was looking down over her head, “Better?”

“Closer,” Wynonna coughed, “C’you…hold-hold me. Lemme know you’re …all right.”

“I don’t think I should,” Nicole warned, “I don’t want to make anything worse.”

“I’m fine, just…” she coughed again, “Please.”

“Ok, ok. Um,” she adjusted herself accordingly, carefully as possible, settling Wynonna’s head in her lap, “Is this ok? Are you…”

“I’m ok,” she closed her eyes; that wheezing sound continuing, “I’m ok.”

Nicole ran her fingers through her hair, listening to the awkward sounds of her breathing. She looked around them, the full weight of their situation hitting her hard.

“We need,” she paused, trying to clear the encroaching fog in her head, “We need help. Phone!” she said suddenly, “God I’m so stupid. Why didn’t I think…”

She rummaged along her jacket, trying not to disrupt Wynonna as she dug out her phone.

“I got it,” she declared, “I got it. I’ll call for help. It’s gonna be ok.”

She opened the phone and instantly clenched her eyes shut against the brightness that sent fresh spikes through her skull.

“Fuck,” she grimaced, reaching down for Wynonna’s hand.

Her fingertips found her wrist laying at her side and she followed it to grab her hand.  As she moved to take it, she felt something scrape against the back of her own and tear the skin.

“What…”

She opened her eyes and turned her phone to cast the light on the area, hoping to remove a particularly jagged stick away and keep her girlfriend as comfortable as possible.

“Oh-Oh my God,” she breathed, her aching eyes falling on the large shard of glass, jagged and sharp, imbedded deep in Wynonna’s side. Dark blood painted it along the entry point where it disappeared through her clothes.

“Wynonna!” she gasped, “Wynonna, why didn’t you tell me? God.”

“I’m ok,” her breathy voice said again.

“I’m calling,” she said, turning the phone and squinting at the blurred screen before dialing 911, “I’m calling.”

“I’m ok,” she repeated again, “I’m ok.”

“Shh, Shh, I got you,” she swore, trying to focus her spinning head once the operator came on the line, “I need an-an ambulance. There was an accident. My girl-girlfriend, she’s hurt bad. Please.”

“I’m ok.”

“Please, hurry!” she cried, still stroking Wynonna’s head.

“I’m ok.”

“Uh…a few…ungh…a few miles on route,” she halted, squeezing her eyes against the growing disorientation, “10. Route-Route 10.”

“M’ok.”

“Please hurry, we need…” she swallowed, planting her hand on the ground as she felt herself starting to sway, “I-I need…”

Her words became barely audible. Her eyes started to roll a moment before she felt her elbow buckle causing her to fall back. The phone lost to the dirt; her arms splayed out as she fell limply to the earth.

“I need her,” her lips mumbled before she could no longer hold on to consciousness.

Wynonna’s head was still on her thigh. She blinked slowly, looking up at the trees around her. Quick, hitching breaths stuttered out past her parted lips.

“Whenever…you nee-need me…”

X

“This is not a good idea,” Nicole stated in the small bathroom. Making sure to turn the water on so her low words wouldn’t be heard in the connected hospital room she was finally about to leave. The room where Waverly was sitting and waiting for her to get dressed.

“What are you talking about?” Wynonna asked, perched on top of the toilet tank, “It’s a great idea.”

“No, it’s not,” she hissed, “What am I supposed to do? Just live with your family? Stay in your room?”

“As opposed to staying in that house? With your bitch of a mom treating you like shit when she’s around and leaving you holding the bag when she’s not? Come on, Punk. I think the choice is pretty obvious here.”

“And what about us?” Nicole asked.

“Nicole. You know I’m not going to be any deader because you’re in my house,” she teased, “I’ll still be there. You know that.”

“No, I mean…” she shook her head and rested her hands on her hips, “I can’t talk to you around them. Not really. I’m going to have to pretend you aren’t there.”

A soft knock came from the door before Waverly’s voice followed.

“Nicole? You all right?”

“Fine,” she called back, turning off the faucet, “Be out in a second.”

She turned back to Wynonna and whispered, “What am I going to do?”

Wynonna hopped down and moved to stand in front of Nicole. Running her hands down her chest and settling them on her waist, she quirked her lips into a small smirk.

“You’re gonna do what’s best for you,” she told her, “and we’ll figure the rest out. Ok?”

“Ok,” she said quietly.

“Good,” she pecked her lips to Nicole’s and then pat her chest twice, “Now get out there before they decide to bust in for another rescue.”

Exiting the bathroom back in real clothes, she found Waverly waiting for her near the door.

“Everything ok?” she asked tentatively, “You were in there a while.”

“Yeah, just a little sore,” Nicole excused, “Moving slow, you know?”

“Of course.”

She saw how Waverly absently tugged on her fingers. The awkward was she was holding herself in the space. Watching her body language for a minute, she realized she was most likely not the only one with reservations about the new arrangement Gus was laying out before them. Waverly clearly had an opinion about it as well, and she would bet it wasn’t a positive one.

“Ready?” Waverly asked, “I’m sure Dozer is driving Gus mad waiting for you.”

“Ready,” she grabbed the printout Dr. Pressman had given her for aftercare and started for the door.

“Aren’t you forgetting something?”

Nicole turned back to Waverly.

“Uh,” she looked down at herself and then to Wynonna, who only shrugged and shook her head, matching Nicole’s confusion.

“Am I?”

Waverly smirked and grabbed the black case off the table and held it out for her with an amused shake of her head.

“I know they’re new, but it’s kind of important to remember them.”

“Oh, right,” Nicole chuckled awkwardly and accepted it, “Thanks.”

“Aren’t you going to put them on?” Waverly asked at the same time Wynonna said, “Put ‘em on.”

Nicole glanced between them, feeling self-conscious about doing so.

“You know they don’t work if they’re not on your face,” Wynonna encouraged.

“Right,” she cleared her throat and opened the case.

Dipping her head, she unfolded the dark framed glasses and slowly slid them on her face.

“How, uh, how do I look?” she asked, going for playful but unable to keep the insecurity from her voice.

“Like a nerd,” Wynonna teased jokingly, nudging Nicole’s shoulder.

“You look great,” Waverly said with a small smile, “Beautiful.”

“Well, yeah,” Wynonna added, “A beautiful nerd.”

“Thanks,” Nicole said quietly, feeling an unexpected heat in her cheeks at the compliment, “Um, we should go?”

They left the hospital and got in Waverly’s jeep and took off to the homestead. Nicole kept fiddling with the glasses, her glasses, trying to get used to them. They felt odd on her face, but she had to admit it was nice to see everything with clarity again. She must’ve been playing with them more noticeably than she thought because Waverly spoke up.

“How is it?” Waverly asked, “Vision all nice and clear again?”

“Crystal,” Nicole answered while looking out the window.

After a few minutes Waverly spoke again.

“Nicole, there’s something I need to tell you. Especially with everything going on now.”

Nicole sighed and brought her focus back into the car.

“I know.”

“You do?”

“Look, Waverly, I know Gus thinks this is a good move,” she started, “But I don’t want you to be uncomfortable or unhappy in your own house, ok? I’ll tell Gus thanks, but no thanks. I’ve survived this long, it’ll be fine.”

“Barely,” Waverly said before she could help herself.

“What does that mean?”

“It means…It means I know exactly how well you were ‘surviving,’ Nicole,” she elaborated, “When I was at your house the other day, while you were in the shower, I found your notebook; the one with all the bills and budgets. That’s what I wanted to tell you. I- “

“You went through my stuff?” Nicole asked, shocked at the intrusion, and embarrassed that Waverly had known about her money problems for a while already.

“I didn’t mean to.”

“Right,” Nicole shook her head, “You accidentally opened the drawer and dug around until you found it, and then you accidentally read it.”

“Easy, Punk,” Wynonna said cautioned.

“I’m sorry, ok?” she apologized, “I shouldn’t have snooped, but I did and I’m sorry. That’s all I wanted to say.”

“It’s ok,” Wynonna said with a nod, “Right, Nicole? No harm, no foul.”

Nicole shook her head as a thought came to her.

“Wait, is that why you insisted on taking me to lunch that day?” she asked, hearing Wynonna sigh behind her, “’Cause you…felt sorry for me?”

“Nicole…” Wynonna said again, laying her hand on her shoulder.

Waverly turned sharply into the driveway and hit the brakes hard. Jolting as the jeep stopped then turned to face Nicole.

“You know what? Yes,” she snapped sharply, “Shoot me, yes. I felt sorry for you. For-For what you were dealing with on your own. God, is that so bad? Is it bad that I wanted to do something for you?”

“No,” Wynonna said as if answering her sister, still trying to encourage Nicole to ease off the argument.

“But you didn’t do it for me,” Nicole argued, ignoring Wynonna, “You did it for you. So, you could feel good about yourself. Congratulations, nicest person in Purgatory you win.”

She opened door roughly, slamming it shut behind her and heading towards the homestead. Before she could get far, Wynonna was in front of her, holding her hands up to stop Nicole.

“Nicole, just take a second to calm down.”

Her jaw tightened as her feet halted in place.

“Nicole!” Waverly’s shout was instantly followed by the slam of her own door. She marched after her, grabbing her elbow and turning her around, “That is not fair. I told you I’m sorry for going through your stuff, I am. But I’m not sorry for trying to do something nice. I’m not some kind of villain for trying to help somehow.”

“Well, I didn’t ask for help, did I?”

“Right, God forbid you put your stupid pride aside and ask for help from anyone!” she groaned, “God! It’s like dealing with Wynonna all over again. No wonder you guys got along so well.”

“Hey!” Nicole shouted, “You don’t know me. You don’t know me, and you don’t know anything about me and Wynonna. So, don’t stand there high and mighty acting like you do.”

“Ok, you both need to step back and calm down now,” Wynonna said, moving to stand between them, “Come on, Nicole. She didn’t mean anything.”

“I did know Wynonna. Sorry to take the wind out of your sails, but the fact is I knew Wynonna longer and better than you did. You guys were together a year? She was my sister my whole life. I knew exactly how stubborn she could be, and you’re acting just like her. Refusing to see what might actually be good for you.”

Nicole took a step around Wynonna, not caring what Waverly thought of the action as she stepped closer to her.

“Yeah, you know what I know? I know the effect you guys could have on her,” she shot back, “I know how you guys were always on her case. I know the pressure she felt from you all, and how it made her feel.”

Waverly stepped closer as well and crossed her arms.

“We were only ‘on her case’ when we had to be because we loved her. We wanted the best for her and for her to want the best for herself, too,” she shouted back at her, “That’s what family does, Nicole. They give a damn, even when you don’t want them to. You’d know that if you actually had one!”

“Fuck,” Wynonna breathed out in surprise.

Nicole taking a step back from her sister as the words hit and hit hard. Sharp and piercing in her chest. Wynonna looked at her and then back to Waverly and stomped her boot against the ground, and said louder:

“Fuck, Baby Girl. Why?!”

Waverly blinked, realizing what she’d said. Her hand covered her mouth as she saw the struck look on Nicole’s face.

“God, Nicole, I…” she shook her head, “I’m so sorry.”

Impulsive and desperate for Nicole to know she hadn’t meant it, Waverly stepped forward and reached out for Nicole’s hand.

“I’m so sorry, that was- “her voice died when Nicole took another step back, pulling her arm out of the way of her possible touch.

“I-uh…” she cleared her clogged throat, her eyes suddenly finding the ground the most interesting thing around, and finishing lamely, “Dozer’s inside.

She turned away and walked into the house, ignoring Waverly’s attempts to get her to stop.

“Nicole, wait, I’m sorry,” she tried as the girl disappeared into the house.

She moved to follow, stopping almost immediately when she felt a hard chill hit her spine. She shivered once, looking around curious of the sudden feeling. Finding nothing suspicious that would cause the feeling, she chalked it up to a weird manifestation of guilt. She attempted to shake it off and hurried inside to find Nicole and beg for forgiveness.

X

X

X

X

Chapter Text

Nicole was bending over the bike rack, working the combination into her lock when she heard a voice louder than the rest around her.

“Hey!”

Even though the property was crawling with students finally released by the bell, Nicole still looked up as if it were meant for her. She squinted a bit in the rays of the afternoon sun and saw the girl, Wynonna, coming her way with a big grin on her face.

“Thought that was you,” she greeted as she came to a stop in front of the rack, “Nicole the punk.”

“Wynonna the blame thief,” Nicole said as she smiled, straightening her back to stand completely, “You didn’t get in much trouble, did you?”

“Eh,” Wynonna shrugged, “The old principal and I have a special bond.”

“I’m sure,” she chuckled, “Thanks for doing that, by the way. You really didn’t have to.”

“Just think of it as a ‘welcome to the neighborhood’ gift,” she answered, “From me to you.”

“Still, I owe you one,” Nicole told her anyway, “Last thing I need is to have the school call my mom about it.”

“She a hardass?”

“Something like that,” Nicole said after a second.

“I know the feeling,” Wynonna nodded, looking around for a second, “So how do you plan to repay me, then?”

“What’s that?”

“Well, you said you owe me one, right?” she repeated.

Nicole licked her lips unconsciously, “What did you have in mind?”

Wynonna tilted her head, looking at her with something in her eyes. Something too fierce to simply be called a spark. Whatever it was, it was intense enough to send a vibration through her chest. Her eyes traced the features of Wynonna’s face, travelling over the smooth curves and hard edges before settling on her lips.

“I could definitely think of something,” she said with a quirk of her eyebrow, still holding those eyes on Nicole. She took a step closer and Nicole’s breath hitched silently, “But first I have something for you.”

“Do you?” Nicole asked, feeling her own body start to lean into the space between them, eyes falling to her mouth once again.

“Yep,” she said quietly, leaning in as well.

Nicole’s eyes started to close, quickly shooting open again and pulling back when something brightly colored suddenly appearing in front of her face. She blinked in surprise, recognizing her notebook.

“Look familiar?” Wynonna asked with a grin, holding up the book.

“Oh,” Nicole laughed, feeling a bit silly, “Thanks, kind of need that.”

Wynonna gave it over with a flourish before nodding to the bicycle.

“Is that your ride?”

“Yeah, my car wouldn’t start this morning. Didn’t have time to figure out why, so I’m rocking the two wheels today.”

“How about I drive you home?” she suggested, her eyes drifting down before coming back up, “Give those muscles a break.”

“Oh, you don’t have to.”

“Come on,” she encouraged, “You can throw your bike in the truck. I’ll give you the premier Purgatory tour.”

“You sure?” she asked, resting her hand on the strap of her bag draped on her shoulder.

“Completely.”

Nicole considered it a moment before lifting the corner of her mouth and shrugging, “Why the hell not?”

“I knew I liked you, Punk,” Wynonna clapped her hands once and threw her arm up across Nicole’s shoulders; guiding her to start walking, “You are going to love Eleanor.”

“Eleanor?”

X

Nicole sat in the grass, her arms resting on her bent knees, a cigarette hanging between her fingers. She watched Dozer sprint across the property after the branch she’d thrown.

“You know,” Wynonna started from where she was sitting beside her, “I’m digging this look on you.”

She tapped the side of her glasses to emphasize her point. Nicole clicked her tongue and pulled her head away from the touch, taking a drag without a word. Wynonna sighed and looked out across the grass as well.

“Look, I know you gotta do the quiet, brooding thing when you’re upset,” she said, “but you’ve been quiet and broody for almost an hour. Maybe it’s time we get to the talk it out part.”

Nicole took another pull from the cigarette and blew it out slowly as Dozer returned with the stick proudly in his mouth. Keeping the cigarette between her lips, she worked the branch from his teeth. She held it up for him to see, watching his tail wag in anticipation, before pulling back and heaving it as hard as she could sending him barking and running happily after it again.

“Nicole,” Wynonna tried again.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Nicole finally broke her silence, “It’s not like she was wrong, right?”

“Well, not being wrong doesn’t mean she’s right, either” she said, “She shouldn’t have said that. It was way low, and if I could I’d-I’d sit on her and pour pickle juice down her throat.”

Nicole felt her lips pull into a small smile, amused by the visual. She shook her head after a moment and watched Dozer trotting back with a happy, though slower, prance. A stick that was most definitely bigger than the one she’d been throwing forcing him to slow his return a bit.

“You really think me staying here is still a good idea?” she asked, “Like Waverly said, what do I know about how families work? And I’m supposed to plop myself in the middle of yours?”

“You’re not plopping,” she countered, “You were invited. Gus wants you here and believe it or not, I know at least part of Waverly does too.”

“Yeah, the part that feels sorry for me,” she mumbled before taking another puff.

Wynonna ran her hand up and down Nicole’s back. Dozer finally made it up to them, dropping the large branch in front of her feet and stepped back, looking proud and awaiting praise for his find. Nicole made sure to give him a big smile and scratched her fingers behind his ear, watching his tongue fall out of the side of his mouth as he basked in it.

“Good job, buddy.”

He gave a quiet boof before stepping between her legs and crawling up against her chest. Forcing his head under her chin, he rested his weight against her, causing her to chuckle. Holding the cigarette out to the side, safely away from him, she wrapped her other arm around his body, patting his heavy torso several times.

“I missed you, too,” she dipped her head to speak quietly into his ear as he snuggled against her.

Look, Waverly can be an idiot, ok? But she’s the sweetest, smartest idiot there is,” Wynonna explained, “She really means well, she just doesn’t always do it the right way.”

Nicole continued to run her hand over his head absently as she wondered out loud, “How did we get here?”

“Don’t ask me,” Wynonna scoffed, “I literally don’t know how I’m here. Like at all.”

“Fair,” she nodded.

Wynonna looked at her, tilting her head as her eyes softened, “Hey.”

“Hm?” Nicole hummed, turning to look at her as well.

“You ever think about that night?”

Nicole turned to look out in front of them again. A heavy sigh falling from her after a moment, “You know I do.”

She looked down at Dozer, seeing he had fallen asleep on top of her, and took a breath.

“I think about it all the time,” she confessed for the first time, “About how different things would be if I’d listened to you. If I had said yes.”

Wynonna hummed and rested her head on Nicole’s shoulder, “You know you shouldn’t think like that. That’s not why I ask.”

“Then why do you ask?”

“Nicole!” Gus’ voice came from behind her, causing her to turn back and see the woman at the backdoor of the house, “Dinner’s ready. Come on in.”

Nicole nodded, patting Dozer a couple times to wake him before nudging him off.  She snuffed the last few embers of her cigarette and pocketed the butt before standing up.

“Think she’ll buy I’m not hungry?” she asked as they started towards the house.

“You have met Gus, haven’t you?”

X

Gus turned from the door and back to the table where Waverly was putting out plates. She wasn’t sure what happened between the two of them, but Nicole had come in the house and without a word to her, had just hugged her dog and then taken him straight out the back with her. Waverly had tried to follow, bursting in the house like a bat out of hell before Gus stepped in her way and demanded an explanation.

Of course, she received none and had ended up with a tense, quiet house. Her goal to spend the afternoon sitting with everyone and working out details fell to the wayside. Nicole entered quietly, making her way to the trash can to throw the cigarette butt away, Dozer’s nails clicking against the floor beside her.

He sniffed the air and made a beeline for the table, making a move for the small roast sitting on top of it, clearly not blinking at the roasted vegetables waiting specifically for Waverly. Anticipating the possibility, Nicole was able to grab his collar and keep from succeeding and ruining Gus’ dinner preparation.

“No, you don’t,” she admonished, guiding him to his food bowl instead, “That’s people dinner, this is Dozer dinner. Ok?”

He let out a huff and looked up at her, as if questioning if she was serious. Nicole only nodded at the bowl and he accepted his fate. Once she was sure he was focused on his own food, she looked apologetically at Gus.

“Sorry,” she said, approaching the table, “You know how excited he can get.”

“Oh honey, I’ve lived with animals my whole life,” she dismissed, “Literally and figuratively. I know how they are.”

Nicole nodded and sat down. Upon noticing she was directly across from Waverly; she dropped her eyes to her plate instead.

Dinner started and carried on quietly, Gus’ eyes going between the two girls who seemed equally committed to not looking at each other. Eventually, she had enough and dropped her fork loudly against her plate, startling both of them to attention.

“Well,” she looked at the both of them, “Not that this hasn’t been fun, but I think it’s time to talk about what’s on everyone mind, hm? And I’d bet money I know what it is. So, let’s get to it, shall we?”

She waited for a response from either of them, but again got only silence.

“Ok then, I’ll start,” she declared, looking first to the redhead, “Nicole, do you have anything you want to say? Any reservations about staying here?”

Feeling on the spot, Nicole glanced to Wynonna sitting in her regular seat. She knew she couldn’t tell them her worries where she was concerned, so she focused on the other one instead.

“I don’t want to put anyone out,” she said, “This is your home. I don’t want to…disrupt it.”

Gus nodded, acknowledging the answer before clicking her tongue.

“Ok,” she folded her hands under her chin, “Now you know how much I like you, but if that ain’t the most boneheaded thing I ever heard you say.”

“Ha!” Wynonna laughed loudly, then looked at Nicole, “Bonehead.”

Nicole shook her head and focused on Gus.

“I made the offer, Nicole,” she reminded her, “Will it be an adjustment, yes. But a disruption? Hell no. I wouldn’t suggest it if I didn’t think it was the best option.”

She then turned to her niece and gestured with her hand to take her turn, “Waverly, do you have anything you’d like to say?”

Waverly’s mouth opened, no words coming out at first. She looked at Nicole for half a second before answering her aunt.

“It’ll take some getting used to, but…but I think it’s best for…” she glanced at Nicole again before finishing, “for everyone. All of us. We could all, um, help each other.”

“I told you,” Wynonna said, pointing at her sister with a wink, “Smart.”

“Well, there we go,” Gus nodded and looked back to Nicole again, “Now, if you don’t want to do this, that’s another story. And if you just don’t want to, that’s perfectly fine. There’ll be no hard feelings and our arrangements for the truck and the fence will still be the same, ok?”

She waited for Nicole to nod before going on.

“But, Nicole, if that’s all it is, I can’t in good conscience let you go back to that woman. We can figure something else out together if that’s the case. Hell, there’s an old apartment above Shorty’s that’s being used for storage. Needs a good cleaning, but you’d be welcomed to it if you prefer to be alone. Just tell me straight, honey.”

“I…” Nicole swallowed, thinking over the options before her. What did she want?

She knew what she didn’t want. She didn’t want to worry which version of her mom she’d have to deal with from one day to the next if she was even around. She didn’t want to stress over bills that shouldn’t be her responsibility to begin with. She didn’t want to go to bed hungry.

“I want to…accept your offer,” she said finally.

“Are you sure?” Gus asked, “Don’t say it to protect anyone’s feelings here.”

“No, I-I mean it,” she assured, looking nervously at the woman, “I guess I just have trouble with…putting my stupid pride aside and asking for help.”

Waverly’s ears perked and her eyes lifted towards Nicole when she heard her own words echoed in Nicole’s voice. Their eyes met and Waverly was struck by the vulnerability in them she wasn’t prepared for. She hoped her own were showing how sorry she truly was for what she’d said and how much she meant what she told Gus. She did think it was for the best.

Maybe this way they could have a chance to actually say more than two sentences without somehow ending up in a fight. Maybe they could work on the whole being friends thing she had suggested. Maybe she could actually know the person that her sister had been so wild about. She could see what it was about her that caused Wynonna to break her own unwritten rule and commit so steadfastly to her.

“Well then,” Gus said, causing Waverly to jump and realize she’d been staring at her, “Now that that’s out of the way; let’s get some details settled, hm?”

X

Nicole stood outside the closed door, her hands flexing nervously at her sides. Wynonna’s hands settled on her shoulders and started rubbing the tense muscles, as if she were a coach and Nicole, a fighter about to step up to a match.

“You can do this,” she encouraged.

Nicole gave her a jerky nod.

“Good,” she said, stopping the ministrations and slapping her palms against Nicole’s back, “Now, get in there.”

“I will,” she whispered, nodding again, “I am.”

She took a deep breath and reached a clammy hand for the doorknob. Slowly, so slowly, she turned it and pushed it open, revealing the dark room to her. A sudden breath shuddered out of her chest, as the familiar scent of the room reached her nose in the doorway.

“Go in.”

“Just a minute,” she said breathlessly, not taking her eyes off the shadowed space before her, “I just need a minute.”

“Turn on the light at least,” she requested, “Please. I want to see.”

Nicole licked her lips and nodded, reaching around the doorjamb, not needing to look to know where the switch was. Light filled the room, illuminating everything inside and Nicole had to take a step back.

“Wow,” Wynonna breathed, stepping closer. She set her hands against the doorframe and leaned in, eyes travelling over it all, “It’s …exactly the same. It looks just like I left it.”

Nicole swallowed, blinking quickly as tears built up in her eyes. She continued stepping back until her hit the wall. She didn’t hear the footsteps approaching. Didn’t notice anyone was coming until she heard a voice.

“Nicole?” Waverly asked when she found Nicole on the floor, “Are you ok?”

Nicole heard her move to sit beside her, not sure when she’d sat down herself.

“Hey,” Waverly spoke again, carefully placing a hand on her arm, “What is it?”

Nicole swallowed a few times before she managed to find her words.

“It looks the same,” she said quietly, still not moving her eyes from the room in front of her, “It’s still…it’s the same.”

Waverly followed her gaze, wondering how she hadn’t let it register what the issue might be.

“Yeah, we…we haven’t changed much yet,” she said softly, “I’m sorry, I guess you were kind of blindsided, huh?”

“I don’t,” she looked down at her hands, wringing them together, “I don’t think I can go in there yet,” Nicole confessed, “Not tonight.”

“That’s ok,” she answered, scotting closer and running her hand over her shoulder, “That’s totally understandable. We should’ve known it would be hard for you. Hell, it’s hard for us. I think that’s why we haven’t touched it yet. Not really.”

Nicole ran her hand through her hair, fighting the urge to scratch at the still healing scar.

“I’m sorry,” she apologized, tangling her fingers together again, “Don’t let me keep you. You can go to bed. I’ll be fine. Sleep on the couch or something.”

Waverly was quiet for a few moments, debating a thought within herself. On the edge of dismissing it as silly, she suddenly felt emboldened. Like…the way she would feel when Wynonna would pump her up and convince her to go along with a dumb idea.

Deciding to just go with it why the motivation was there and hope for the best, she bumped Nicole’s shoulder.

“I’ve got an idea,” she declared and stood up, “Come on.”

“Come on?” she asked, confused.

“Yeah,” she said and held her hand out to her, recognizing it was probably a stupid move too late. Forcing herself to follow through, she put a smile on her face and wiggled her fingers, “Come on.”

Nicole slid her eyes to the side for a moment, looking at nothing as she seemed to think about it. After a second she looked up at Waverly and shrugged.

“Why the hell not?”

She accepted Waverly’s hand. She used it to help pull herself up with more force than she intended, and certainly more than Waverly expected. She barely got her feet under her when Waverly pitched forward. Nicole’s hands automatically went up and caught her, stumbling back a bit to keep them both standing.

“Whoa,” Waverly voiced as she regained her balance.

“You good?” Nicole asked, looking down at the girl suddenly in her arms.

Waverly nodded, staring straight ahead where her hands ended up against Nicole’s chest. Her heart beating beneath her right hand. She spread her fingers a bit, tips close enough to the collar of her shirt to feel the heat of her skin.

“Yeah,” she answered verbally, clearing her throat, and pulling her hands away before finishing with an awkward smile, “Fit as a fiddle.”

Nicole, also realizing their position, dropped her arms and stepped back to put space between them before she made Waverly uncomfortable.

“So,” she started, “What’s this idea of yours?”

X

X

X

X

Chapter Text

Waverly entered Shorty’s to meet Champ after cheerleading practice had ended. She found him immediately at their usual booth and walked over. She paused on his side long enough to greet him with a kiss on the cheek before taking a seat across the table.

“Hey, babe,” he said, taking a drink of his soda.

“You ordered already?” she asked, noting his half-eaten plate.

“I was hungry,” he shrugged.

“Were you waiting long?”

“Little bit,” he answered, “but at least there’s a good show to watch.”

“Huh?”

“Come over here,” he waved her to his side with a big grin, “You gotta check this out. It’s hilarious.”

Waverly did as he asked, moving to sit beside him. Settling against his side, as he wrapped his arm around her, his face bright with anticipation.

She couldn’t help but smile herself. It seemed like they’d only been ‘putting up with each other’ for a while. It felt like a lifetime since they’d actually had real fun together. Seeing Champ smiling and playful had her feeling a lot like it was in the beginning.

“What is it?”

“Right there,” he pointed to a table across the room.

She followed his hand and saw Wynonna sitting with Nicole Haught; the new girl in school and newest Blue Devil shooting guard.

“I don’t get it,” she said, confused what he found so amusing about them, “You’re laughing because Wynonna’s here?”

“She’s here with the new girl,” he said with a laugh, “Look at them.”

Waverly looked again, trying again to find what was so funny about her sister and Nicole. They didn’t seem to be doing anything silly or ridiculous. Matter of fact it looked like they were getting along, sharing food and conversation.

She couldn’t see the other girl’s face too well, but Wynonna was smiling and definitely having a good time. She held up a fry and said something through her smile until Nicole leaned forward and took it from her hold with her teeth making her sister laugh.

Which, for some reason, made Champ laugh again as well.

“You believe that?”

Waverly sighed, “I give up. What’s so funny?”

“Come on, babe,” he laughed, “It’s hilarious. You know, Jonas said she was a total rainbow, but I didn’t believe him. You never told me Wynonna was too.”

“Ugh, Jonas is a jerk. I don’t know why you hang out with him,” she pulled his arm off of her,” So what if she is, anyway? What does it matter?”

Champ didn’t respond to her, instead calling out across Shorty’s, “Ow! How ‘bout some public affection girls?”

“Champ!” Waverly gasped and looked at him as she shoved her elbow into his side, “What’s wrong with you?”

She looked back over their way. Wynonna said something and tilted her head towards the door before they both stood and started to leave.

When they passed by their table, closer than necessary, Wynonna casually reached out and knocked over Champ’s glass. Soda splashing over the table and onto their laps as Wynonna put on an innocent face and shrugged.

“Oops.”

X

Nicole sat in the lawn chair, watching Waverly’s efforts in front of her.

“Are you sure you don’t want help?” she asked.

“Nope,” Waverly grunted as she dropped the load in her arms onto the pile, “I got it.”

“Yeah, Punk,” Wynonna nudged her, “She’s seen me do it a thousand times. It’s her turn. Let’s see if she learned anything from watching the master.”

“Ok,” Waverly clapped her hands and squatted down, “First the base. I think the cone is the best way to go.”

She maneuvered the wood into the method. Standing a number of thicker sticks up right on their ends and leaning them against each other. When she was sure they were sturdy enough not to fall over, she moved on.

“Then, a nice tinder nest beneath it,” she continued explaining her steps as she did them, “Now, small sticks and dry grass for kindling.”

Nicole felt herself smirk as Waverly recited everything step-by-step as if she’d looked up and memorized how to build a fire. She leaned back and took out her pack of cigarettes, tapping it once before lighting one and taking advantage of being in the open air after promising Gus she wouldn’t smoke in the house. One of the rules she agreed to obey while staying there. It would take some getting used to, but she couldn’t find it in herself to be upset or hold it against the woman.

It was her house, after all and she was nice enough to allow Nicole to stay. If she was being honest, it was kind of nice to have rules again, some actual structure, no matter how small.

“All right!” Waverly said happily, “Now we light it, and we are set.”

She wiped her hands on her pants and looked around.

“Uh…” she voiced, “Shoot. I guess I forgot to grab…”

She trailed off when her eyes fell to Nicole. Noticing that she was smoking when she hadn’t been before, she gave a small smile.

“Got a light?” she asked.

“Huh?”

“I forgot the lighter,” she explained with a small shrug and gestured to Nicole’s hand, “Do you mind?”

“Oh,” she dug back into her pocket and pulled her lighter back out, “Sure.”

She tossed it to Waverly who caught it in cupped hands. She looked at it a moment, turning it over and smirked.

“White, huh?” she asked, “A risk taker.”

Nicole chuckled a bit, removing the cigarette from her lips and blowing out a string of smoke, “You believe that stuff? The curse of the white lighter?”

“No,” Waverly laughed, returning to a squat and reaching beneath the wood structure to light the tinder.

She blew on it lightly to help it catch; waiting until it looked to be gaining ground before standing up and heading towards Nicole.

“I just think it’s interesting,” she said as she gave the lighter back to it’s owner and settled into the chair beside hers, pulling her legs up onto the chair and circling them with her arms, “How myths grow and become these big superstitions and beliefs. There’s actually a lot of them around smoking.”

“Oh yeah? Like what?” she asked, as she brought the cigarette back to her lips, “Tell me one.”

“Like,” she stretched the word out as she thought a moment before speaking, “Do you know about ‘The Unlucky Third?”

Nicole shook her head and exhaled, “What’s that?”

“The belief that it’s unlucky to light three cigarettes on the same match,” she said, something in her perking up at the opportunity to explain, “It started- well supposedly started- in World War Two, from soldiers smoking in the trenches. The thought was the enemy would see the match light for the first one. The second would allow them time to take aim, and on the third, they would fire.”

“Hm,” Nicole hummed, tilting her head back and holding her cigarette above her head to look at the lit end against the unobscured dark sky, “Makes sense.”

“Mhmm,” Waverly nodded, “It spread through western culture and old movies, becoming more widely known. Since then, it’s considered bad luck to smoke in groups of three.”

“I’ll have to remember that” she said and nodded to the fire in front of them, “Looks like you knew what you were doing.”

“Thanks,” Waverly hugged her legs tighter and admired her handiwork, the small flames having grown into a full bonfire. She sighed wistfully, finding herself thinking back on memories of similar nights, “Wynonna and I spent so many nights doing this. Good days, bad days, it didn’t matter. We’d come out here, she’d get the fire going and we’d sit here and talk about whatever was on our minds.”

Nicole glanced over at Wynonna, sitting on the ground in front of her cross-legged in front of the fire; the light from the flames dancing over her face.

“I didn’t know that” she said softly.

“You know, it was one of those nights, a nice night like this,” she said, “She talked about you for the first time.”

“About me?”

“Yeah,” she laid her cheek on top of her knee and looked at Nicole, “It was when she told me how serious she was about you. That she wasn’t just playing around.”

“Really?” she asked quietly, her eyes going from Wynonna to Waverly.

“Really,” she said, “And one of the last nights we did one of these, she told me she loved you.”

“She did?” her voice barely audible.

“It was the first time she ever said that about someone else. Probably the first time she felt it. She was pretty nervous to tell you,” she said with a laugh, “I’d never seen her so worried about someone’s reaction.”

Nicole took a few moments, watching Wynonna as she digested the new information. She flicked the end of her cigarette towards the fire, tossing the embers away to feed the larger beast, and took a deep breath.

“You know, I love…loved her too, right?” she asked finally looking back at Waverly, “I know you don’t think much of me, not really. But no matter what else you think about me or think you know about me; you have to know that’s true.”

Waverly sighed and turned back to the fire in front of them, speaking softly.

“I know.”

Silence settled after that, disturbed only by the cracks and pops of the burning wood. Nicole spent the time watching Wynonna. She was standing, holding her hand out towards the fire for a few seconds, like she was considering something before slowly inching the hand forward towards the flames. She pulled back at the last second before getting brave and plunging her hand into the flames.

She held it in a few seconds before removing it and laughing. Her eyes flashed up to Nicole and smiled brightly.

“Punk, check it out!” she said with a laugh and put her hand in the fire again. She kept in in for a few seconds before pulling it out and holding it up and wiggling her fingers for Nicole to see.

“How cool is that?” she asked, “That’s a neat party trick.”

Nicole couldn’t help the smile that pulled at her lips.

“I’m glad you had those nights,” she said to Waverly without looking away.

“Me too,” Waverly said, “I miss them.”

Nicole nodded, halting midmovement as a thought came to her.

“Wait. She told me…she told me she loved me two months after we started…” Nicole started.

“Right.”

“But…that was the last time you guys did this?”

“One of them,” she clarified, “We did manage a couple more after that before it pretty much stopped altogether.”

“Why’d you stop?”

Waverly cleared her throat, choosing her words.

“She had…other things to do with her nights,” she said carefully, “She didn’t have a lot of time for it anymore.”

“Oh,” Nicole said quietly after a moment when the meaning landed.

Silence settled again, more awkward than before as Nicole realized she was the ‘other things’ that stole Wynonna away from her sister. No wonder Waverly disliked her so much. She didn’t only step all over their sisterly tradition, she had taken precious time with Wynonna away from her in what turned out to be the last months of her life.

“I-I think I’m ready to go to bed, actually,” Waverly announced, the tension of the moment becoming too much, “Will you take care of the fire?”

“Yeah,” she answered quickly, “Yeah, I got it.”

Before she left Waverly remembered the reason, she’d brought them out there.

“Gus gets up at the crack of dawn,” she offered suddenly, “so the couch might not be the best place to sleep unless you want to wake up too. But there’s the spare bed in the barn if you can’t be in the room yet.”

“Thanks,” Nicole said, “I’ll figure something out.”

Waverly turned, but stopped again, the words just continuing to fall from her mouth.

“Or there’s my room.”

“Your-ah!”

Nicole suddenly jolted in her chair and swiped at her lap where the dropped cigarette had landed. The butt flew off her jeans before it could cause any damage to the material and landed in the ground.

“Shit,” she hissed, jumping to her feet and searching the grass until she spotted it. She quickly stomped it out before it could potentially catch any blades on fire and cause a problem.

With that fire out, literally, Nicole bent down and retrieved the smashed remains and pocketed it. She stood up straight and faced Waverly, swiping her hand through her hair.

“Uh, your room?”

“Yeah, if you want,” she shrugged.

“I, um…” she looked to Wynonna who raised her eyebrow, failing to hold back her amused grin.

“I know the bed is smaller than Wynonna’s,” she started, “Might be kind of a snug fit with how tall you are, but the mattress is comfortable.”

“I, um, I-I appreciate the offer, but I can’t. I-I couldn’t,” she stuttered out.

“Ok,” she nodded, “I just figured it would be easier for me to take Wynonna’s bed, so you didn’t have- “

“Oh!” Nicole interrupted louder than necessary, breath releasing from her chest in an awkward laugh. Feeling ridiculous, “You…I thought you meant…when you said your room…”

Waverly’s eyebrows scrunched in confusion.

“What did you think I m-oh!” she realized as she was speaking, “Oh! Oh, you thought-Oh my God.”

Nicole looked at the ground, suddenly needing something to do with her hands. She ran them through her hair again before shoving them in her pockets.

“No, no, Nicole, I- “she shifted her weight, laying her hand against her cheek, “I wouldn’t expect, God. I wouldn’t.”

“Right, of course. I’m sorry it was stupid to think…I’m sorry,” she cleared her throat, “I’m-I’ll sleep in the barn. Thanks.”

“Ok,” Waverly forced an awkward laugh, trying to ease the strange moment, “Goodnight, Nicole.”

“Goodnight.”

Nicole flopped back into the chair, moving to rub her face but stopping when she knocked the glasses askew; still not used to having them there. She fixed them on her face and blew out a loud breath. She took out a new cigarette and leaned forward to hold the end to the fire. Once it lit, she relaxed back against the chair and took a deep pull.

Wynonna walked over and dropped into her lap with a dramatic sigh. She draped an arm around Nicole’s shoulder and started playing with her hair.

“Wanna know something?” she asked Nicole as she scratched her scalp.

“Yeah,” Nicole exhaled.

“You guys,” she poked Nicole’s temple, “are both idiots.”

X

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X

X

X

Chapter Text

Waverly sighed, checking the time again as she leaned against Wynonna’s truck. The parking lot had mostly emptied while she’d been there waiting for her sister. She felt a little silly to be so eager to go home just to spend time with her. It reminded her of being a little kid, following along at her big sister’s heels anxious to hang out and be included. They weren’t kids anymore, but still she felt that old familiar want for her time.

It seemed like forever since they’d had free time to just hang out like they used to. Wynonna seemed to always have somewhere else to be, someone else to be with. And she knew exactly who that someone was, too.

Not that Waverly was without fault as well. Between study sessions and cheerleading and her own relationships, she had demands on her time as well. It was just how life went. But it still felt as if she was always the one trying to reach out and make time only for her suggestions to conflict with some existing plan Wynonna already had.

Today was different though. They had planned in advance to be free that night; purposely coinciding with Gus’ trip to the city. They had a whole night of junk food and movies ahead for just the two of them.

“Hey, Baby Girl,” she finally heard while scrolling mindless through her phone, “Sorry for the wait.”

Waverly looked up with a smile and a sarcastic barb ready for her sister.

“It’s- “she stopped, feeling her smile falter when she saw her sister wasn’t alone. Recovering her smile as best she could even as the sight of Nicole introduced a small nugget of disappointment in her stomach, “It’s fine. What took so long?”

“We stopped by the gym to talk to Shapiro about getting a try out for this one,” Wynonna tilted her head towards Nicole, before throwing her arm around her neck and forcing her to bend down a bit to Wynonna’s level, “D’you know my girl plays ball and she wasn’t going to tell anyone?”

“No, I didn’t,” she answered and cleared her throat, asking politely, “How are you, Nicole?”

“Fine, thanks,” she nodded, “You?”

“I’m good,” she said and gestured her thumb over her shoulder, “Ready to get out of here.”

“Right!” Wynonna clapped her hands together, “Let’s hit it. Waves you mind riding bench?”

“Oh,” she voiced, holding the strap of her bag nervously, “Are we…giving Nicole a ride?”

“Yeah,” Wynonna said slowly, looking between the two for a moment, “In the sense that we’re giving her a ride to the homestead. I invited her to hang with us tonight. Is that cool?”

Waverly’s lips parted, the nugget in her stomach exploding so she could actually feel the sour flavor of disappointment on her tongue.

“I don’t want to intrude on your plans or- “

“It’s fine,” Waverly heard herself say, “It-It’s cool. The more the merrier, right?”

She shrugged awkwardly and spun around to climb in the truck. She saw the couple through the window talking quietly, Nicole shaking her head and gesturing with her hands until Wynonna grabbed one of those hands and held it firm. She said something else, ending it with a quick kiss before going to the driver’s side and hopping in. Nicole entered through the other door, albeit a little more tentatively, leaving Waverly sitting between them. She looked down at her lap and took a quiet breath, hoping to tamp down her emotions.

“Ready to roll?” Wynonna asked brightly as she turned on the engine.

X

Nicole swallowed nervously as she stepped to the door with Gus and Waverly in tow. She singled out the proper key on her ring and looked at it as she spoke.

“You guys don’t have to come in,” she reminded them, not moving to open the door yet.

“And leave you to grab everything on your own?” Gus asked and clicked her tongue, “Thought I told you, ya ain’t on your own anymore, kid.”

Waverly stood with her arms wrapped around herself, swaying slightly with a sprinkling of nerves.

“Is she here?”

Nicole nodded toward the driveway, “Car’s not here.”

She eased Waverly’s concern and then turned to finally open the door. Sliding the key in, she quickly realized it was unlocked and scoffed quietly, “Of course.”

They entered and Nicole took a breath and looked around at the sparse living room.

“Anything from here?”

Nicole shook her head, “No, I don’t need anything here. Just stuff from my room.”

They walked further in the house heading towards the bedroom. Nicole, however, stopped in her tracks when they reached the kitchen. Her eyes falling to the spot she’d fallen after being hit, finding dried, browned stains on the floor. She took a step forward and touched her fingers to the pantry door along a similar color that smeared in the vague shape of a hand.

“Is that?” Waverly asked tentatively, staring at what she feared was Nicole’s blood.

“This is where…” Nicole started, trailing off and letting out a humorless chuckle. She shook her head and pulled her hand away, “She didn’t even clean it up.”

She looked up and saw the way Wynonna was staring at the spot. Her thumb between her teeth and a hard look of concern on her face.

“I’m ok,” Nicole told her, getting Wynonna to turn her wet eyes her way. Nicole nodded in assurance, “I’m ok.”

Then glancing back to her company, she cleared her throat, “That’s what matters, right?”

“That’s right,” Gus said, patting Nicole’s back.

Nicole waited until Wynonna nodded as well before returning her focus on the mission at hand. She led them to her room before feeling Waverly’s hand suddenly wrap around her arm.

“Wait,” she requested, stopping her from going further, “If she didn’t clean the kitchen…just-when we found you, the sheets and pillow…there was a lot of…” she swallowed, “I just mean, you should probably...”

“Brace yourself,” Wynonna finished her sister’s warning.

“I will,” Nicole nodded to Waverly, “Thanks.”

She took a step forward but stopped again when Wynonna spoke.

“Nicole,” she said, and repeated herself more seriously, “Brace yourself.”

Nicole looked at her curiously but chalked it up to her how worried she was that night. She continued on and pushed the cracked door all the way open.

Her eyes widened at the scene in front of her and her brain stuttered.

“What…” her words fell off as she took a step inside, careful of the placement of her feet.

Her room was trashed.

Drawers left hanging open or completely ripped out of the dresser with the contents haphazardly thrown around. Clothes strewn all over the place. Various keepsakes dumped from their spots. Her mattress half off the frame.

She turned in a slow circle, taking in the chaos around her.

“What happened?” she asked, looking towards the three women, “Was-Was it like this when you came here? I mean, did I do this? I-I know I was out of it with my head, but I didn’t think I did anything before I…”

“No,” Waverly shook her head and stepped inside as well, “It-It didn’t look anything like this.”

Nicole swallowed and looked to Wynonna, “She did this?”

Receiving a sad nod from her, Nicole slowly sat on the corner of the disturbed mattress and looked down at her feet. Recognizing the red and white fabric by her boots, she leaned over and picked it up. The crumpled shirt feeling like lead in her hands.

“This was Wynonna’s,” she said dejectedly, running her thumb over the collar.

“I recognize it,” Gus replied softly, walking over, and placing a hand on her shoulder.

Waverly moved her way as well but stopped and took a step back when she heard something crunch under her foot. She bent down to pick up the picture frame and turned it over. She found herself looking at her sister’s smiling face. Clearly after one of Nicole’s games according to the jersey she wore and the sweat dampened hair on her head. Nicole hand an arm around Wynonna, holding her against her side. Her sister’s extended arm evidence that she’d been the one to take the picture.

Wynonna looked so happy.

“But” Waverly started as she ran her fingers over Wynonna’s face lightly, careful of the broken glass as she finished her thought, “Why would your mom trash your room?”

“Why not?” she said bitterly, “She doesn’t need a reason. She hates me.”

“Or she was looking for something,” Wynonna mused, pulling Nicole’s eyes to where she was standing in the corner, looking down at the ruined chest of drawers.

Nicole’s eyes followed Wynonna’s and she jumped so suddenly it startled Gus and Waverly. She hurried over to the wooden fixture.

“No, no, no,” she muttered as she grabbed the top drawer that was barely hanging on to the frame.

Seeing it empty, she dropped to the floor and started digging through the discarded pile of clothes.

“Nicole what is it?” Waverly asked, lowering in front of her, “What are you looking for?”

“A-A box. I kept it in the back of the drawer,” she said as she lifted a shirt to look under it, “It’s a, a small wooden box with a Celtic knot on the lid. This big.”

She held her hands up to show the general size of it.

“Ok. We’ll help,” Waverly said quickly and looked over at Gus, “We’ll find it.”

The three of them looked through the mess for the box she described until Waverly saw something poking out from under the bed.

“Here!’ she said, carefully pulling out the half-hidden box and holding it towards Nicole.

Nicole quickly grabbed it. One of the hinges was broken and it had a large crack on the corner, no doubt from being tossed carelessly to the hardwood floor. She opened it carefully to search the contents.

Folded papers, notes from Wynonna, were disturbed but not damaged. A photo strip of the two of them was still there. After she dug through everything, she sat back on her heels.

“She found it,” she said not able to distinguish whether she was sad or angry, or both. She sighed and shover her hand under her glasses to rub her eyes, “She took it.”

“I’m sorry, Punk,” Wynonna said gently, kneeling behind her.

“What was it, honey?” Gus asked.

Nicole looked up at her, blinking back her frustrated tears.

“Cash. The little I had,” she answered after a moment, “Anything I had left, I…I kept it here and she took it.”

Gus clenched her jaw and shook her head. More and more, she hated that woman. She was regretting having Nedley tag along to stop her from doing something she might regret. Because she sure as shit wouldn’t be regretting it now.

Nicole gave herself a few second to dwell and be upset before she took a deep breath and, feeling the stares of the women who didn’t know what to say, forced her composure back into place.

“Um, I have a couple duffle bags…they were in the closet, who knows where they ended up now,” she said as she pulled herself up, still holding the box close, “Let’s get started.”

Between the three of them, with Nicole’s direction, they packed the bags and carried them and armfuls of her things to the car. Waverly made sure to extract the photo from the broken frame and tuck it safely away for travel.

During one last walk through to make sure she wasn’t forgetting anything important, Nicole stopped in the kitchen. She pulled out the notebook and wrote on the first blank page she found.

“That’s more than she ever did for you,” Wynonna said while leaning against the counter.

“I know,” Nicole mumbled and ripped out the page, slapping it to the refrigerator with a magnet.

“She doesn’t deserve it.”

“I know.”

She turned to go but had a second thought.

She opened the fridge, removing a beer and took the page off the door. Going back to the counter, she got a roll of scotch tape from the drawer and used it to attach the note to the bottle. Knowing it was more likely to get noticed that way.

“Then why bother?” Wynonna asked, watching her put the beer back in the fridge and slam the door.

Nicole shrugged and said forlornly, “She’s my mom.”

Wynonna gave her a sad smile and wrapped her arms around her. Nicole returned the hug and indulged in the comfort. She was all too aware that moments like that wouldn’t be so easy to come by in the coming days.

Too soon, Wynonna pulled back.

“Come on,” she said gently, “Let’s blow this joint before they come looking for you.”

Nicole nodded with a whispered, “Yeah.”

“Blow this joint and, if you’re lucky, sneak in a different joint later,” she commented, “Bet ya anything they haven’t found my stash yet.”

Nicole chuckled as Wynonna slipped her arm through Nicole’s and they walked out together. Joining Gus and Waverly at the car, she settled in to actually leave it behind.

“You ok?” Waverly asked quietly.

Nicole looked at her, putting a small smile on her face, “We’ll see.”

She looked out the window as Gus started driving away, a strange gathering of emotions in her chest as she watched the house disappear. She couldn’t help but think about all the echoes that lived in that house. A lot of pain and anger settled in those walls, all culminating in a two words on a piece of paper:

‘ Goodbye

               -Nicole’

X

X

X

X

Chapter Text

Nicole paused in the hall, spotting Wynonna through the movement of everyone at Shorty’s. She took a breath and looked down at the small box in her hand before moving forward.

She felt a swell of confidence as she approached Wynonna who was attempting to sneak her hand around the bar. Coming up behind her, Nicole wrapped her free hand around her waist and leaned down to rest her chin on her shoulder.

“Hello there,” she greeted, turning her head to place a kiss against her neck.

Wynonna’s shoulder lifted a bit in reflex as she chuckled, “Well, hello to you too.”

She turned around, draping her arms over her shoulders, and pushing up to kiss her lips.

“What’s up Haught Shot,” she asked, “Thought you had to work?”

“Yeah, but I know I won’t see you tonight and I wanted to catch you before you went home.”

“Mm, good catch,” she responded, running her hands down her chest, “Blegh, I wish I could blow off this stupid display of desperate family pretends to be normal and hang with you tonight.”

“But aren’t you a little excited to talk to your mom, though?”

“Maybe. If we could actually talk without a shitty signal, or obnoxious nearby drunks, or the obnoxious background sounds of the rodeo.”

“Where’s she calling from today?”

“According to Gus and the wonder of email, her tour is in the states. One of the Carolina’s I think, but who remembers which one?” she sighed and started toying with the hem of Nicole’s shirt, “You know I bet they wouldn’t even miss me. Mama will probably go on and on about the astounding accomplishments of the great Michelle Gibson. Then she’ll talk to Waverly for a whole five minutes about her schoolwork and then tell me to stay out of trouble. Love ya, bye. Talk to you in three months when I remember I have kids.”

Nicole gave her a small smile, running her empty hand up and down her arm.

“They would miss you,” she assured her, “and you’d regret it if you ditched. You know you would.”

“Maybe,” she pouted, “Not as much as I regret not watching you get all sexy-sweaty lifting those big, heavy boxes. And then with me after.”

“Yeah?” Nicole asked with a smile as she stole another kiss. She pulled back and lifted her hand to show her the box, “Well, in the meantime, maybe this will help.”

“Why Nicole Haught, a proposal at your age?” she teased and then adding a southern affectation to her voice and fanning herself dramatically, “How will the town handle such a scandal?”

Nicole laughed, “No scandal today, sorry. But a little birdie told me yesterday was your birthday.”

Wynonna groaned, “Damn it. It was Rosita wasn’t it?”

“Can’t say. Sworn to secrecy,” she teased, “But she also told me that you don’t like anyone making a thing of it, which I’m guessing is why you never told me. But I wanted to give you a little something anyway.”

She held out the box, nodding towards it for Wynonna to open. Wynonna shoved her shoulder once before taking the gift and opening it.

“Oh shit,” she breathed out when she saw the necklace. Lifting it up by the chain to get a full look at it, “Punk, it’s so cool.”

Nicole blushed a bit, “I know it’s not fancy- “

“Shut up, I love it.”

Smiling proudly, Nicole took it and carefully slid it over her head to rest on her neck. Wynonna grabbed the key hanging and lifted it up to look closely at it.

“The engraving is Greek for Athena, Goddess of wisdom and war. You probably knew that already,” she laughed a bit self-consciously, knowing how much her girlfriend loved all things Greece, “The blue beads are supposed to protect you from the curse of the Evil Eye.”

“Mati,” Wynonna said, running a finger over the beads and smiling brightly at Nicole, “That’s what they’re called.”

“Right,” she said and rubbed the back of her neck, “I know how much you like that stuff. And I can’t exactly take you to Greece anytime soon, but I thought, until that someday comes, you should have a piece of it.”

“I love it,” she said softly, “Thank you.”

“Happy Birthday, Wynonna.”

X

Nicole let out a frustrated groan as she felt her glasses slide down her nose again. She let the hammer handle slide down through her hand until it thudded against the ground so she could push them back up right again.

She thought she’d gotten used to them, but that was before she was cleared to start working again after her concussion-induced days off. She hadn’t anticipated how easy the frames slipped around when sweat started building up.

“Maybe you should just take them off?” Wynonna suggested, “Work without them?”

Nicole shook her head, “No. It has to be perfect. So, I need to see it perfectly.”

“Ok, then take a break,” she shrugged her shoulders, “You’ve been out here for hours.”

“Wynonna,” she sighed and picked the hammer back up, adjusting her grip on the long handle before swinging it in a long arc onto the post and driving it more securely into the ground, “I’ve already behind and I have to keep stopping every five minutes to fix my stupid glasses. At this rate, it’ll be a Christmas present by the time it’s finally done.”

Wynonna blew out a breath and hopped off the fence to stand beside Nicole and looked up at her face.

“You should think about contacts.”

“And who’s going to pay for that? Gus? On top of the hospital bill and letting me live in her house and eat her food?” she swung the hammer again, “No, thanks.”

Wynonna shook her head and scoffed, “Ok, what’s up with you? You’ve had a bug up your ass since you woke up.”

Nicole ignored the question and tested the stability of the post, pushing on it to make sure it was firmly in the ground so she could move on. Deciding it could use a little more to be as sturdy as the others, she stepped back and lifted the hammer once more, but Wynonna stepped in her way before she could swing.

“Hey,” she said firmly, “I’m serious. What’s going on?”

Nicole let the tool fall again and looked down as Wynonna grabbed her hand, “Talk to me.”

“Don’t you know what today is?”

Wynonna thought for a minute.

“Huh,” Wynonna voiced, “No. Guess the days kind of blur together when you’re dead.”

“Nicole pulled her hand from hers at that word and turned around. With her back to Wynonna, she set her hands on her hips and dropped her head.

“I thought if I could just focus on this stupid fence, I wouldn’t have to think about it,” she said, taking off the glasses and rubbing her face harshly, “Stupid.”

“Nicole,” she said, grabbing her hand again and moving in front of her, “What is it?”

Nicole let out a humorless chuckle as she shook her head, “You really don’t like to think about it, do you?”

Wynonna continued to look confused until the spark hit her eyes.

“Oh shit,” she said slowly, “I didn’t realize.”

Nicole shook her head, “It’s fine. It’s…just another thing to get used to, right? Another day on the calendar to-to imagine what could have been. Just like every other day.”

“Is there anything I can do?” she asked, “I mean, I know I can’t do much, but…any way I can make it easier?”

“Just stay with me?” she requested softly.

She cupped the back of her head and brought it down until their foreheads were touching, “As long as you need me.”

Nicole nodded against her and Wynonna grinned. Her eyes drifting towards the homestead before speaking.

“You know what else I think you need?”

“What?”

Wynonna ran a finger down the bridge of her nose and made a show of shaking the sweat off her hand, “Hydration, woman. Go inside and get some water.”

“Yes ma’am,” she agreed with a surprised laugh.

Nicole made her way inside the house and saw Waverly sitting on the couch with Dozer; the dog takin gup most of the space as he laid with his head on her lap. Waverly was looking ahead of her at nothing as her fingers worked through the soft hairs on his head.

A smile pulled at Nicole’s lips and she went over to them. Squatting in front of the couch, she tiled her head and gently ran her hand over his belly. Dozer lifted his head, a surprised ‘boof’ coming from his lips.

“Trading me in for a fancy, new friend already, huh?” she said to him. A puff of air left his as he wiggled a bit and settled down again.

“Oh, hi,” Waverly said, blinking into focus upon realizing Nicole was there, “How’s it going outside?”

“Slow,” she admitted with a sigh and stood up, “Just came in for a drink and then, hopefully, get some real progress going.”

“Just don’t push yourself,” she said softly, something in her tone still sounding a bit distant. Nicole figured she had a lot on her mind as well, so she was fine to let her be.

She went to the kitchen, filling a glass with cold tap water and gulping it down faster than she intended. She filled it again, not realizing how thirsty she was until then. Making sure to drink it slower this time, she just took a sip when she heard Waverly behind her.

“Hey Nicole?” her voice sounded small.

“Yeah?” she turned, wiping the excess water from her lips as she did.

“I, um…you know what today is?” she asked carefully, causing Nicole’s fingers to fidget against the glass as she nodded, “Well, I-I don’t know if you wanted to do you own thing, but I’m…I was going to go to the cemetery. I was wondering if you-if you want to come with me?”

Nicole set the glass down, maybe a little harder than she meant to, and turned back around. Bracing her hands against the counter, she looked out the window above the sink.

“I don’t think so,” she cleared her throat, “I don’t want to intrude.”

“You wouldn’t be,” Waverly said quickly, stepping around the island and nervously pulling on her fingers, “I think it would be nice for the people who-who loved her the most to…”

She trailed off and ran a hand through her hair. Deciding to just be straightforward she admitted, “Truth is, I don’t want to do it alone.”

Nicole looked down, staring at the dark hole of the drain. She didn’t want to go to the cemetery. She hadn’t been back since the funeral almost six months ago now. She didn’t want to stand at her grave and think about her body being buried beneath them. Her body, that she knew so well as soft and strong and vibrant, now empty and deteriorating.

Wynonna’s voice reached her ear, “You promised.”

Nicole closed her eyes at the reminder of Wynonna’s request for her to look after Waverly. Did this fall under that promise? Because Waverly didn’t want to go alone?

This was going to suck.

She scratched her temple and sighed, turning to Waverly who was still standing there, looking hunched and small.

“Sure,” she agreed, “Yeah, I’ll go with you.”

“You will?” her voice picking up, relief mixing with what might be called happiness, “Don’t think you have to- “

“No, you’re right,” she cleared her throat, “It’ll-It’ll be good. For both of us to be there. For her.”

Waverly nodded quickly, “Yeah. Yeah, I think so.”

“Can I shower first?”

“Of course,” she nodded again, not sure what else to do, “I’ll be ready when you are.”

X

Once Nicole was showered and changed, she made a quick run to the barn to grab a few things before they headed out. Waverly drove them, stopping at the florist on the way to pick up some flowers before they went to the cemetery.

Walking the path, Nicole felt her heart pick up speed as they got closer and closer to Wynonna’s gravesite. When she spotted the tree that she’d stood at during the ceremony, she nearly vomited right on the spot. Somehow, though, she managed to soldier on, helped by Wynonna’s hand holding tight around hers as they walked.

Too soon they were there. Standing in front of Wynonna’s grave with Waverly. It was a strange new version of that day months ago. She stood back while Waverly cleared off the old, wilting flowers before replacing them with the fresh arrangement she’d brought.

Nicole flexed her clamming hands as Waverly lowered to the grass in front of the headstone, crossing her legs and letting out a long sigh. After a second, she looked back at Nicole and pat the grass beside her. Nicole hesitated, looking to Wynonna for advice but she’d left her to sit as well and mirrored the action to encourage her to join them.

Shaking her hands out, Nicole stepped forward and awkwardly lowered her body to the grass between them. She swallowed, feeling like an intruder as Waverly ran her fingers over the stone and started speaking.

“I don’t know what to say that I haven’t said every time I’ve come. But I want you to know that things are ok. I think, maybe they’re getting better. School’s out now, but I’m still taking classes online anyway. You know, like a nerd,” she chuckled, “At this rate I’ll be graduating before you know it. Gus says I should slow down; enjoy the high school experience while I can. But I’d rather get done as soon as possible. It’s hard to imagine going back there. After what happened, knowing you’re not in there somewhere too. Hearing the way people stop talking when I walk by them. It was so hard the last few months of the year, I don’t think I can handle it for a whole year.

Nicole focused on her breathing, understanding that feeling all too well. It was why she stopped going after the accident. Leaving her final grades incomplete, her scholarship rescinded, and effectively making Nicole Haught a drop out.

“I talked to Rosita, and you know what? They read your name at graduation. ‘Graduating in absentia,’ that’s what they said,” she declared proudly, “You were on track. I knew you could do it, Nonna.”

Wynonna smiled, eyes glistening at the words. It seemed small in the grand scheme of things. But hearing how proud her sister was, made her chest swell with pride of her own.

Waverly sighed, “Things at home have changed a bit“ her eyes going to Nicole briefly, “In a good way I think.”

She sniffled and wiped her eyes.

“We miss you,” she said, “As much as things are moving and changing, that stays the same. It always will. I love you so much. Happy birthday, Wynonna.”

She ran her hand over Wynonna’s name once more before sitting back and looking at Nicole.

“Do you want privacy?” she asked, “I can step away if you want.”

“I-uh, I don’t have anything to say,” she answered.

“Are you sure?” she asked surprised, “I know it might seem silly, but it helps to talk to her. Helps me, anyway. You should try.”

Nicole felt her lips twitch, wanting to smile with the secret knowledge, “I don’t need to talk to stone to talk to her.”

“Oh, I guess that’s true,” Waverly nodded, “Do you? Talk to her, I mean.”

Nicole glanced to Wynonna at her side, this time allowing the small smile to appear, “All the time.”

Wynonna winked at her and Nicole cleared her throat, reaching into her jacket pocket.

“You know, to honor her birthday, really honor it, I have something,” she told Waverly.

She pulled out three small airplane sized bottles of Jack Daniels and showed them to Waverly.

“I know you think I’m a lush already, but this is a special occasion. One’s yours if you want, no pressure though.”

Waverly seemed to consider it before she held out her hand, “Special occasion, right?”

“Right,” she started to hand one of the bottles over but stopped, “Listen, I know it isn’t enough to really mess us up, but…no driving. Ok? We can sit for a while or walk around or if you really want to go, I won’t have any so I can drive us back, or- “

“Nicole,” Waverly interrupted the rant, “I understand. We can stay a while.”

Nicole nodded, not realizing how worked up she had become until Waverly had spoken up. The idea of them driving, even after such a little drink, was enough to shuffle her mind with the sound of breaking glass and bending metal. She looked at the little bottle and ran her thumb over the label.

“Just promise, ok?” she requested, “Even if I piss you off and you have to get away from me. Call a ride or do anything, but don’t drive.”

“Nicole,” she said her name again, gentler but with more weight than before as she covered her hand and sandwiched the bottle between their palms, “I understand. And I promise.”

Nicole nearly apologized but held it back. She couldn’t say she was sorry for being careful. She should have been careful before and lost everything because she wasn’t.

“Ok,” she said instead and finally gave one to Waverly.

She opened the other two bottles and moved them so she held one in each hand as she waited for Waverly to crack her own as well.  Once she had, Waverly held hers up.

“To Wynonna,” she said with a small smile.

“To Wynonna,” she repeated softly.

Nicole touched the other bottles to Waverly’s in toast. The girls threw their bottles drinks back; Nicole simultaneously tipping the extra over to splash into the grass in front of the headstone, feeling Wynonna’s fingers wrapped around hers as she did.

Waverly coughed, sputtering, and patting her chest at the burning that filled her throat.

“Ok?” Nicole asked once she’d swallowed her portion.

Waverly nodded, even as she coughed again and answered jokingly, “Smooth.”

Nicole chuckled and pocketed the trash back into the pocket they’d come from. She looked at the headstone, giving Waverly the time to collect herself while her own mind worked. Wondering what it would be like if her only connection to Wynonna was a rock in the ground. Again, she found herself grateful for her unusual situation. Even when it hurt.

“Oh,” Waverly said after a few seconds, “That’s kind of nice once it settles. Can almost see why you guys like it so much.”

Nicole looked at her quickly, realizing something she should have considered before.

“Have you never?”

Waverly shrugged self-consciously, “Daddy kind of scared me off alcohol. He had…a way.”

“I’m sorry,” she apologized and shook her head, “I assumed ‘cause you went to parties. I should’ve asked first. I hope you didn’t feel pressured.”

“It’s ok,” she assured her, “If I didn’t want to, I wouldn’t have taken it. You’re fine.”

Nicole ran her hands over her jeans, “Still.”

Waverly grinned and hugged her knees to her chest.

“I was always a little jealous, you know,” she started, “Of how easy it seemed for her to just do what she wanted. Drink. Smoke. Skip school. Stay out. I wish I’d done more for me, just for fun. Ignored expectations and rebelled a little.”

“You still have time,” Nicole said, wishing she’d brought more to drink.

“Yeah, I’ve got time,” she repeated, staring at the stone, “I woke up this morning and it hit me that it’s my big sister’s birthday, but she’s not any older. She’ll never be any older. In a few years, I’ll be older than she ever will be. Assuming nothing happens, I have time she never will. It’s just wrong.”

Nicole licked her lips, pulling the last molecules of alcohol she could find as she searched for words to help. It felt fruitless and hypocritical since she had no room to talk. She knew how Waverly felt; knowing for whatever dumb reason, she was still there when Wynonna wasn’t.

But still she tried.

“It is wrong that she’s…that she’s gone. I can’t think of anything wronger,” she paused, wrinkling her brows and wondering, “More wrong?”

Waverly laughed despite herself and nodded, “More wrong.”

“Right,” Nicole nodded as well, “I can’t think of anything more wrong than Wynonna not being here. But you being here and continuing to live your life isn’t.”

“Thank you for saying that,” Waverly gave her a grateful smile and nudged her with her shoulder, “Are you going to take your own advice.”

“It’s not the same,” she said softly.

“It can be,” she told her, “You have time, too. If I deserve to keep living, why don’t you? What’s the difference?”

Nicole shifted her weight in the grass, “The difference is it’s not your fault.”

Waverly was taken back by the answer and immediately shook her head.

“It’s not yours either,” she declared, “It was an accident. A terrible accident.”

Nicole didn’t respond right away; not wanting to get into it when she knew the truth. Instead she decided to change the subject and looked to Wynonna with a smirk. Wynonna seemed to know what her idea was as she laughed loudly and shook her head.

“No way, dude. She’s not going to go for it.”

Nicole smiled and looked back at Waverly.

“You know, if you were interested in doing something expectations,” she started, “I might have the something.”

“Oh yeah,” Waverly asked, following Nicole’s lead into a different topic, even though she promised herself to come back to the conversation. She couldn’t leave Nicole blaming herself, “What’s that?”

Nicole reached into other pocket, pulling out the other thing she’d grabbed before leaving the barn. Though at the time she wasn’t sure why she brought it if she was going to be with Waverly.

Nicole held up the joint, paper slightly bent from her pocket, for Waverly to see. She shrugged a bit and answered.

“A little rebellion.”

X

X

X

Chapter Text

A loud clatter made Nicole look up with a jump. She saw Wynonna across from her, helping herself to the seat across from her at the otherwise empty table.

“Hello again,” Wynonna greeted in a sing-song fashion as she settled in behind her full tray, “We keep running into each other.”

“More like you keep finding me, Earp.”

“Potato, tomato,” she shrugged and opened a bag of chips from the pile, popping one into her mouth, she looked at Nicole, “So, how are you finding good ol’ Purgatory High? Still sneaking into back alleys for smokes?”

“It’s fine, I guess,” she shrugged as well, school’s a school. Though I think I left an impression on Ms. Clanton already. Got my own detention now.”

“What? What for?”

“Being unprepared,” she made air quotes with her fingers and rolled her eyes.

“Gross. Sorry, dude,” she apologized, “That woman’s a reptile. She looks for any excuse to spread her misery. I swear she gives out more detentions than anyone in the public school system.”

“It’s fine,” she answered, “Puts off going home for a while, so that’s a plus I suppose.”

Wynonna was quiet for a moment, looking over Nicole as she digested her words. She nodded towards the water bottle in front of her and asked, “Where’s your lunch?”

Nicole followed her eyes and picked up the bottle, taking a purposeful drink and taking a few seconds to answer.

“Not hungry.”

“Hmm,” Wynonna hummed thoughtfully. Looking down at her tray, she picked up the chips before sliding the rest of the tray across the table towards her.

Nicole looked at the food then back to her before she started to push it back.

“I’m- “she stopped when Wynonna grabbed the other side of the tray and held it firm.

“Not hungry? Yeah, I heard you,” Wynonna finished, pushing a little stronger as she felt Nicole still try to move it back to her, “You’re a punk and a liar. Come on, just take it.”

Nicole rubbed her forehead for a minute before sighing and accepting it.

“Thanks,” she said quietly, self consciously starting to unwrap a sandwich. She cleared her throat and changed the topic, “So what about you? Any more detentions to add to your collection?”

“For once, no,” she answered, “Wonder of wonders.”

“Too bad,” Nicole said with a smirk, “We could’ve been detention buddies.”

Wynonna propped her fist under chin and grinned, “You hoping to see more of me, Haught?”

“I definitely wouldn’t hate it.”

Wynonna broke into a full smile; a mischievous glint coming to her eyes. Looking over her shoulder, she spotted Ms. Clanton talking to the cafeteria monitor not far from where Champ and his group of idiots were sharing their single brain cell.

The idea formed in her head instantly and she plucked a fruit cup from the tray and stood up while peeling back the seal.

“Hey Hardy!” she hollered over the cafeteria and launched the cup; nailing Champ in the side of the head and spraying fruit syrup over him and his friends.

“What the hell?!” Champ barked in surprise and shot to his feet.

“Earp!” Clanton shouted, stomping her way, “Detention. Two weeks.”

“Oh shoot,” Wynonna said with a pout, “Not today I hope.”

Taking the bait, the older woman smirked and told her, “Starting today.”

Looking satisfied with herself, the woman marched away, and Wynonna sat back down and helped herself to half of the sandwich in front of Nicole. Popping an eyebrow at Nicole’s shocked face she tilted her head.

“Well, schucks.”

X

“Wait, hold on,” Nicole said, “How many hamsters have you had?”

Waverly giggled and wiped her face, “Four.”

“Four hamsters?” Nicole repeated, “Wow.”

“Mmhmm,” she nodded, “There was Pickachu, Eevee, Beebo, and Frank.”

Nicole coughed out the smoke she’d been inhaling in surprise that caught up in her throat.

“Frank?” she asked amused.

“Yep,” she nodded with a laugh, “Wynonna said I had to stop giving them cute names if they were going to keep dying. She said it wouldn’t be as sad if he had a boring name.”

“Did it work?”

“Frank lived for almost three years, the longest of all of them,” she remembered fondly, “He lived his whole little hamster life called Frank. I should have given him a better name.”

Nicole passed the joint they’d been sharing back to her before laying down in the grass with a long sigh.

“What would you have named him?”

“Squirtle,” Waverly said after taking another measured puff and then laughed out the smoke.

“What?”

“Nothing, just…” she flopped back to lay flat next to Nicole still laughing a bit, “Squirtle. Squirt, turtle. Squirrrrtle.”

Nicole chuckled and reached across her to take the joint back from her fingers.

“Ok, I think that’s enough of this for you,” she remarked good-naturedly. She licked her fingers and pinched out the lit end of what remained on the small cigarette, “You’re definitely ready to come out of the oven.”

“I’m in an oven?”

“Baked to perfection,” Nicole said with a grin and put the tiny bit in her pocket.

“Oven,” Waverly said again slower, “Oven. Ov-en. Words are weird. Weirrrrd.”

Nicole chuckled, “Yeah they are.”

Waverly suddenly moved onto her side, propping her head up on her elbow, “I mean, they’re just sounds we decide have meaning. It’s crazy. Like, I could have a kid and every time we see a tree, I could call it a-a ziffle and the kid would assign meaning to it and think ziffle means tree. Or dog. Or whatever I wanted it to mean.”

Nicole shook her head and slid her fingers under her glasses to rub her eyes.

“Shit, you’re definitely high.”

“If I’m high,” she poked Nicole’s chest, “You’re hello.”

“What?”

Waverly started giggling again, dropping back on the ground, and rolling as she did, at one point laying her hand on Nicole’s stomach as she bumped up against her.

“High. Hi. Hello,” she waved her hand, “It’s- “

She stopped, going quiet for a second before she suddenly sat up.

“Nicole,” she said, causing her to sit up straight as well.

“What?”

Waverly slapped her hand onto Nicole’s thigh and squeezed tightly.

 “Nicole,” she said again, looking at her with deadly serious eyes, “I’m high.”

Nicole chuckled and gave her a pat on the back.

“You are,” she said with an amused smile.

“No, you don’t understand. I’m-I’m high. Baked. Stoned. Blitzed.”

“Ziffled?” Nicole added jokingly.

“I’m high. And I’m in public. What if someone sees? Oh God, what if Gus finds out? What do I do? How my long does this last?”

“Hey, it’s ok,” she suggested, “It usually passes in a couple hours, but you didn’t smoke too much so you’ll come back down before you know it.”

“A couple hours?” she repeated, “Why aren’t you-Why are you so together? Why am I…something must be wrong with me. I’m having a bad reaction or something. Should I go to the doctor? No-No. Then they’ll know I was high and then Gus will know, and I’ll never go to college. My transcript will say “Got high at her sister’s grave.” Oh my God!”

“Waverly,” she knew calming her down was likely a pointless effort since she was clearly peaking into paranoia, but she did her best anyway, “You’re ok. It’s your first time, your tolerance is zero. That’s why it’s hitting you harder than me, ok? I’m not exactly a beginner here, sharing half a stick is barely enough o mellow me out, that’s all. You’re fine. I promise.”

“Ok,” Waverly nodded quickly, “Right. You’re right. It’s like-It’s like…tastebuds, right? Everyone’s tastebuds react different to the same-to the same flavors.”

“Exactly,” she rubbed her back and followed Waverly’s analogy to help her out, “The way some people react to flavors. Some people get sleepy, some get giggly or thoughtful or paranoid, or a combination. It’s all tastebuds.”

“Tastebuds,” Waverly nodded again, then continued to say the word quietly to herself several times before saying it at regular volume again, “Tastebuds. Am I saying it right? It doesn’t sound right. Tastebuds. Tastebuds. Best buds. Bed bugs.”

Nicole couldn’t help the sharp laugh that slipped from her lips, and instantly started apologizing for laughing before Waverly could feel bad.

“I’m sorry,” she said, “I’m sorry, I’m not laughing at you. I swear.”

“Maybe I should lie down,” Waverly mused, slowly going back down to the grass. She laid down flat, placing her hands on her stomach and taking a deep breath, “This is better. You should lay down, too, so you don’t freak out.”

Nicole shook her head to keep from chuckling at her again but did as she suggested. Folding her arms behind her head, and let her eyes look over the clouds in the sky.

“Hey, Nicole?” Waverly started, almost sheepishly.

“Yeah?”

“You know how you asked about Frank?”

“Yeah.”

“It was still sad,” she told her, “It’s always sad.”

Nicole sighed and moved one hand to lay it against Waverly’s wrist, “I know.”

They returned to silence for a second before Waverly spoke again.

“Nicole?”

“Yes?”

“Can we get tacos?”

Nicole chuckled, “Yeah.”

“Like a lot of tacos?”

“As many as you want.”

“Good,” she answered, closing her eyes with a content smile on her face, “I want, like, a mountain of tacos. Kilimanjaro of tacos. Kilimantaco.”

Nicole pushed herself to sit up again and pat Waverly’s leg a couple times, “You got it.”

Nicole ran a hand through her hair and looked at the sky, noticing how dark the sky was getting as the clouds grew together and continued to gray.

“Nicole, how long have we been here?” Wavelry asked, “Is the sun going down?”

“No, it’s clouds,” she said pointing up at the dark rolls continuing to take over the sky, “I think- “

She was cut off by a clap of thunder that made Waverly shriek and sit up.

“Something blew up!”

“No, no, it’s thunder, there’s a storm coming in,” she told her and pushed herself to her feet. She held down her hand to Waverly, “Come on, we should get out of here before it opens up.”

“Right,” Waverly clapped her hand into Nicole’s and got up, bouncing once on her feet, and pulled out her keys.

Before Nicole’s mouth could finish forming the word ‘No,’ Waverly was already speaking again.

“Wait. I’m ziffled! I can’t drive, she pointed out then held the keys to Nicole, “Here.”

Nicole visibly flinched at the jingle of keys in front of her.

“No, I-I can’t either. I smoked and-and I had that drink and it about to rain. I can’t,” she shook her head, “I can’t.”

“But your tolerance and everything, you can probably- “

“No!” she snapped as more thunder boomed, “It’s not safe.”

“What do we do then, start running?”

Nicole closed her eyes, “I’ll call someone.”

Waverly grabbed the front of her shirt and yanked Nicole down towards her, almost pulling her off her feet as their faces were an inch a part.

“Not Gus,” she declared, “I swear on this grave if you call Gus- “

“No. Not,” she sighed and pulled Waverly’s hands off her shirt to stand up straight again, “Not Gus. A friend.”

The sky finally opened up and the first drops of rain began to fall. Noticeably getting faster and harder by the second. Waverly squealed at the cold water hitting her and Nicole grabbed her hand and pulled them both under the tree for what shelter it could give them.

“Hurry, call them!” Waverly requested wrapping her arms around herself and pulling her shoulders up to her ears.

Nicole took a breath as she took out her phone and called a number she hadn’t used in months.

“Hi,” she said hesitantly when they picked up, “I know. No, nothing’s wrong. Look I know it’s starting to storm but I could really use a ride, is there any way…You sure? Thank you. Really. The cemetery. I know. Ok. Thanks again. Drive safe.”

She hung up, rubbing the phone against her shirt, and then putting it in her back pocket.

“Be about twenty minutes.”

“Great,” Waverly said sarcastically.

Nicole looked up briefly, blinking against the water breaking through the weak barrier of leaves above them.

“You know we’re going to have to go through this to actually get to the parking lot?” she mentioned, “Maybe we should go now and wait in the jeep.”

“Ugh,” Waverly groaned loudly, “No. Let’s wait, maybe it’ll pass by the time they get here.”

As if answering her, bright lighting exploded across the sky, instantly followed by more thunder.

“Come on,” Waverly whined and tightened her arms around herself, shivering as more and more cold rain pelted them.

Nicole noticed and peeled off her jacket.

“Here,” she said, holding it over Waverly’s head and instructing her, “Take it.”

“What about you?” she asked, not completely taking hold of it just yet.

“I’m fine.”

“God, stop! Stop trying to punish yourself,” Waverly ordered, “I swear, sometimes it’s like you’d literally jump off a cliff to keep from slightly inconveniencing someone.”

She pulled the jacket down and shoved it into Nicole’s chest.

“Both of us, or not at all.”

“Fine,” Nicole growled, lifting her arms again and spreading the jacket over their heads, “Come here, then.”

Waverly moved close enough to stand under the jacket with her and folded her arms up against her chest between their bodies, able to feel Nicole’s body heat radiating in the miniscule space between them.

“Thank you,” she said quietly, the words nearly taken away by the storm.

“You’re welcome,” Nicole answered and waited a beat as she felt the rain thudding against the makeshift umbrella, “I wouldn’t jump by the way.”

“What?”

“Off a cliff. I don’t think I’d jump, but no promises I wouldn’t find a way to fall.”

“Well either way, stop it,” she said, shivering again and inching closer in search of warmth, “You deserve to take up space as much as anyone else.”

“Even all this space under the jacket like this?”

Waverly chuckled, “Even that.”

They both flinched at a blast of thunder that sounded right above them, and Waverly moved even closer to her, pressing up against her side.

“Bet you wish you hadn’t agreed to come, huh?”

“You kidding?” she asked, “If it wasn’t eventful and a little insane, it wouldn’t be a day with…Wynonna.”

She looked around, heart starting to pound as she realized she hadn’t seen Wynonna lately. Before panic could fully set in, she spotted her familiar figure in the grass; arms spread, and head tipped back as she spun in the rain. Nicole wanted to call out to her but bit her tongue.

“Ride’s here, Punk. Time to turn on the jets!” Wynonna shouted to her at the same time she felt her phone vibrate in her jeans.

Nicole looked down at Waverly, “So much for the storm passing in time. Ready to run?”

“Not really.”

“Here, you keep this she tried to give her the jacket again.

“Nicole- “

“Not like that,” she said, raising her voice against the rain, “We have to go through the rain. I’m faster, so I won’t need this as much as you.”

“Who says you’re faster?” Waverly also shouted to be heard.

“Literally years of games and sprints and team workouts.”

“Hello! Cheerleading is athletic too!”

“It’s not the same!”

Both of them shouting at each other as the storm continued drowning out sounds.

“Tell that to my five-minute mile!”

“Ha! Four fifty!” Nicole replied smugly.

“Ok,” she bundled up the jacket and held it in her fist, “Prove it then, Haught.”

“What?”

Waverly leaned into a take off stance, “On your mark!”

“Waverly, come on.”

“Get set!”

“Be serious.”

“Get fucking set, Punk!” Wynonna shouted, “My money’s on you!”

“So dumb,” Nicole said, taking off her glasses to hold them in her hand and readied her feet with a shake of her head.

“Go!”

They took off running through the wet grass and hard rain. Careful not to trip up as the ground moved from grass to the concrete of the walkway. Both of their competitive streaks showing as they pushed. They were pretty evenly matched and Nicole spared a glance at Waverly running alongside her. All determination and strength on her face.

Headlights came into view for the final stretch and Nicole knew she had it in the bag as Waverly’s pace slowed half a step. But instead of breaking away, she found herself mirroring her and slowing her feet a bit. The sudden change caused the flat of her shoe to slip on the concrete and Nicole found herself stumbling to the ground with a grunt.

Waverly’s momentum carried her a few more feet before she stopped and went back to her as Nicole rolled onto her back.

“Nicole, are you ok?”

For some reason, maybe the ridiculousness of what they were doing or the whole day overall, Nicole laughing. Bubbling up from her chest while the rain fell over her face, Nicole laughed like she hadn’t in a long time.

It must have been contagious because soon enough Waverly started as well. Wiping away the hair that stuck to her face and neck, Waverly leaned over her. Face split wide in a smile, she spoke through her laughter.

“What are we doing?”

“Being idiots,” Nicole laughed and pulled herself up, “So much for getting through the rain fast.”

“Yeah, we’re pretty soaked,” Waverly noted, “No point in running anymore, I guess.”

They walked the rest of the way until they got to the car and the window rolled down to reveal the driver leaning over with smirk.

“Someone call a sexy taxi service?” she asked with a grin.

“Hey, Rosita,” Waverly waved and climbed in the back, leaving Nicole to take the passenger side.

“Hey Little Earp. And here I thought sugar melted in the rain,” she winked at her.

“Shut up,” Waverly reached between the front seats and smacked her playfully.  They all settled in and Rosita started driving.

“Thanks for doing this,” Nicole said feeling awkward sitting beside her after going so long without even a conversation, “I know it’s been a while and I called out of nowhere- “

“It’s fine, Haught,” she answered with a smile, “I’m always on the other end of the line. You know that. It doesn’t matter how long between calls it is. That’s what friends are for.”

They rode for a few minutes before Rosita’s nose wrinkled and she sniffed the air.

“Anyone else smell pot?”

X

They pulled into the driveway of the homestead, Rosita putting the car in park and sitting back, “You have reached your destination.”

“You sure you don’t want to come in for a while?” Waverly asked, “Wait out the storm?”

“Nah,” she declined with a smile, “Another time, Little Earp.”

“Thank you,” Waverly opened the door, pausing briefly when she heard Rosita again.

“Nicole, can you hang back a second?”

“I’ll see you inside,” Waverly told her and made her exit.

Once alone, Nicole ran her hand through her wet hair, feeling trapped but knowing she owed it to Rosita to hear her what she wanted to say after she’d gone out of her way to help them.

“You doing ok, Nicole?”

“Fine,” she said and ran a finger over the dashboard and tried lamely to direct the conversation, “Nice car. Guess you had good insurance.”

“I tried to call you,” Rosita said, ignoring the attempted change of topic, “A lot. All of us did.”

“I know.”

“You never answered. You never called back.”

“I know.”

“We’re worried about you,” she said, “Jeremy, Robin, me. X too, but you know, in his quiet, contemplative way.”

Nicole sighed, “You shouldn’t.”

“Hey,” she said sharply, “We lost her too. She was my best friend. I know it’s not the same but fuck you if you think you own grief. We’re in it, too. The difference is we leaned on each other. We were there for each other and we wanted to be there for you. Fuck, Nicole, I know you’re hurting like nobody’s business. I can’t imagine what you’re feeling, but…it’s like we lost both of you that night. You wouldn’t even let us see you in the fucking hospital, for God’s sake.”

“I couldn’t,” Nicole blurted out, “Don’t you get it? I know you lost her. I know! But you lost her because of me. How was I supposed to face you guy knowing that? I can barely face myself every day.”

Rosita shook her head and clenched her hands around the steering wheel.

“No one blames you,” she said, “Except you.”

Nicole laughed bitterly and wiped her eye, “Well, I’m a good judge of character.”

Rosita looked at her for a moment before sighing, “Did you know Xavier enlisted?”

“He always talked about it.”

“Yeah, well he did it,” she nodded, “He’s leaving at the end of the month for basic. That’s three weeks away, Nicole. Three weeks and then he’s gone too. I know how close you guys were, so you should think about that. I can’t force you to do anything you don’t want to, but we’re throwing a going away party for him and I know it would mean a lot to him if you came.”

“I’m…I’m not much for parties these days,” Nicole swallowed, “But I’ll try.”

“That’s all I ask.”

“Ok,” she nodded and reached for the door handle.

“Hey,” she said before Nicole could leave, “Doc’s been asking about you too. Just so you know.”

The muscle in Nicole’s jaw twitched at the mention of him, “He can ask all he wants. I’ve got nothing to say to him. Thanks for the ride. Sorry about the wet seats.”

“Eh,” she waved it off, “Take care of yourself, Nicole. I mean it.”

Nicole went into the house, finding Waverly already changed into dry clothes and waiting for her on the couch.

“Everything ok?” she asked.

“Yeah, just catching up.”

Waverly noticed the difference in Nicole’s demeanor and looked at her carefully for a moment.

“Uh, the barn roof leaks in heavy rain, you should stay in here tonight.”

“That’s fine,” Nicole nodded absently.

Waverly grabbed the clothes off the couch next to her and stood up, “Here. I got these for you from the dryer. You should change before you catch a cold.”

“Good idea,” she accepted them, “I’ll use the bathroom.”

Waverly grabbed her arm before she could leave, “Nicole. Are you ok?”

“Mmhmm,” she nodded and headed off to change, leaving Waverly confused.

There was an obvious change between the Nicole she’d spent the day with and the one who had just come in the house. She thought they were making progress towards being more comfortable and open with each other, but just then it felt like they’d taken a giant leap backwards.

She went to sit back down and saw the clean shirt she’d gathered for Nicole was still there. It must have fallen from the pile when she picked it up. Waverly grabbed it and hurried down the hall and knocked on the bathroom door.

“Hey, Nicole, I have your shirt,” she announced to the door then waited a moment, “Nicole?”

She knocked again and pressed her ear to the door. She heard sniffling and signs of crying on the other side and began to worry.

“Nicole…I’m going to open the door, unless you do,” she waited, giving Nicole a chance to tell her it wasn’t necessary. When she didn’t, Waverly followed through on her word and pushed open the door.

“Nic- “

Waverly’s words died in her throat and she froze in the doorway, one hand still on the doorknob. Nicole was standing at the sink, leaning her hands against the counter, and staring at herself in the mirror. Barefoot, dark sweats low on her hips, and a gray sports bra…and no shirt. Of course, she didn’t have a shirt, it was in Waverly’s hand. Or it was until she dropped it.

Nicole stood up straight in surprise, grabbing her glasses off the counter and turning to her. The lenses doing nothing to hide her red eyes.

“Waverly,” she cleared her throat, “Do you need the bathroom.”

“Uh…bathroom?” she repeated, eyes on Nicole’s exposed skin. Specifically, the ink printed on the lower half of her ribcage. She couldn’t help but stare, taking in the first full, clear look of the tattoo she’d seen hints of here and there. She recognized the word, tattooed in an elegant calligraphic script.

Αθηνά. The inside of the theta lined in soft blue circles, resembling a Mati bead.

“Waverly?”

“Shirt,” she heard herself say before snapping out of it and picking the item off the floor, “I forgot to give you your shirt.”

“My…” she looked down at herself, brain seemed to only just realize her state of dress in front of Waverly. Her arms darted up to cover herself, “Shit.”

“I’m sorry.” “Sorry.”

They said at the same time before Waverly shook her head.

“Here.”

She gave her the shirt and scurried away, hearing the door close behind her.

She nearly ran through the living room and up the stairs, not slowing until she was in her bedroom. She glanced behind her, making sure the door was closed, even though she knew Nicole wouldn’t be barging in. Turning back, she looked down at herself and grabbed the chain around her neck.

Pulling it until it revealed the hidden necklace she’d taken to wearing under her clothes. Holding it in her palm, she ran a finger over the beads before tracing the engraving on the key and read it quietly to herself.

“Athena.”

X

X

X

Chapter Text

“I’m sorry.”

This wasn’t real.

Waverly felt the ground spin beneath her feet, and she instinctively reached out; her hand blindly grasping for Gus at her side.

It had to be a mistake. But those words echoed in her skull.

‘I’m sorry.’

She felt her hand fist in Gus’ sleeve as her vision started to tilt.

It wasn’t real.

It couldn’t be real.

Something inside her cracked as her knees buckled. A wail tearing through her throat as Gus’ arms wrapped around her and sunk to the floor with her. Clinging to her, Waverly couldn’t keep the broken scream from echoing off the walls around them.

She had no clue how she managed to get back up again, let alone walk to the trauma room the apologetic doctor led them towards.

“No,” Waverly cried, fresh tears pouring down her face and breath struggling to come. She ran to the gurney, hands fluttering over sister’s prone body, unsure what to do, “No, no, please.”

She ran her hands over the too pale skin of her cheeks, her stomach lurching at how limp she remained. How easily Waverly’s light touch moved her head. It came over her with disgusting force that she wasn’t Wynonna wasn’t just still, she was empty.

“Please,” she repeated, dropping her head against her chest, painfully aware of the silence beneath it. No air. No heartbeat.

God, it was real.

She was really gone.

Her sister was gone.

Gasping for air between sobs, she grabbed her hand in both of hers and begged.

“Please don’t go.”

She felt Gus come behind her, placing her hands on her shoulders and squeezing. She remained quiet behind her, the only sound between them were Waverly’s shuddering breaths and sobs.

“Waverly,” Gus said quietly after a moment, “will you be all right for a minute?”

“What?” Waverly lifted her head and looked up in disbelief, “Where are you going? Where could you possibly be going?”

“Honey, Nicole was in the accident, too,” she told her, “Someone has to tell her.”

“The doctor can do it.”

“It ain’t right, honey,” she reasoned gently, “She’s hurt and alone- “

“Wynonna’s dead!” she shouted suddenly, her throat choking as she said the words out loud, “She’s-She’s dead and…How can you think about anyone else right now? How can you care about Nicole when Wynonna…” she broke off into a fresh wave of sobs.

Gus swallowed down her tears and forced Waverly into a hug. She held her niece close for a few seconds, waiting until she was sure her voice would be steady to answer.

“Because she would want me to.”

She continued to hold her a couple minutes more before kissing her temple. Then with a promise to be back soon, she left.

Alone with Wynonna, no, with her body, Waverly took hold of her cold hand again.

“What…What am I gonna do?” she asked, already tearing up again, “What do I do without you?”

She ran a hand over Wynonna’s mussed hair, using her fingers to cut through tangles. The limp ends leading down to her neck where she felt the cool metal chain draped around it.  With a shaking breath, she pulled the chain up until she saw the charms that hung from it. The familiar key and beads Waverly recognized as the necklace she’d worn every day for months.

Waverly never asked about it, it just appeared one day on her sister’s neck and remained ever since. She guessed it could easily be called her favorite. Her fingers quivered as she undid the clasp and gently removed it. Carefully putting it on herself, she swallowed and closed her fist around the engraved key.

Holding it with one hand, she laid the other over Wynonna’s chest and buried her face in the crook of her neck. Tears falling to the sheet below, she whispered her love to her sister while wondering how she would live without her.

X

Waverly woke with a start, eyes shooting open to stare at the ceiling of her room. She glanced at the clock, noting the time before wiping her face and getting out of bed. She grabbed the necklace from the nightstand and slipped it on just as she had every morning since that terrible night at the hospital.

This time though, instead of instantly hiding it beneath her shirt, she paused to look at it again. Seeing the same Greek lettering tattooed on Nicole the night before gave her reason to believe there was more to it being Wynonna’s favorite than she thought. It was obviously a piece of their history and the deep connection the two shared.

She wondered if Nicole had given it to Wynonna. If she’d be mad that Waverly had it. She thought maybe she should tell her, even give it to her. But it was a piece of her sister, and perhaps selfishly, she didn’t want to part with it. With a sigh, she dropped it under her shirt and made her way downstairs.

She found Gus standing at the back door, arms crossed, fingers looped through the handle of a coffee mug, and leaning against the doorjamb. Waverly came up beside her, following her gaze to see what she was looking at.

Looking across the expanse of grass she saw Nicole working. She must have been at it for a while, judging by the noticeable different in progress from yesterday.

“How long has she been out there?” she wondered.

“Can’t say,” Gus said, “She was already at it when I got up. Must’ve gotten up with the sun.”

“Huh, has she had breakfast at least?”

“Darlin’, I don’t think she’s had a breath yet,” Gus took a sip of coffee, “Somethin’ sure lit a fire there. Any idea what?”

Waverly shook her head with uncertainty.

“Not sure,” she said, her eyes following Nicole’s form as she continued, “I mean, yesterday was…”

“Yesterday,” Gus said with a sigh, “I’m sorry I wasn’t around. How was it? You ok?”

“Fine,” she shrugged, “Spent the day at the cemetery with Nicole.”

“Really? Should I get the first aid kit?”

“No, it was fine. Nice actually,” she told her, “We talked and…yeah, it was nice.”

“Good,” Gus nodded, “Maybe there’s hope in the world after all.”

“She’ll have it done soon,” Waverly pointed out.

“Looks like it,” Gus agreed.

“Then what?” Waverly asked, getting her aunt to look her way.

“What do you mean?”

“What happens when she finishes? You give her the truck and then?”

“Is this about the money idea of yours?” Gus asked, “I already decided to pay her. Not as much as I would if she weren’t getting the truck too, but you’re right, it’s only fair.”

“Thank you,” Wavey said with a smile and wrapping her arms around her aunt.

“Yeah, well,” she pat Waverly’s arm, “Guess I’m getting soft in my old age.”

“You’ve always been soft,” she said before kissing her cheek, “Can’t hide from me.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Gus dismissed with a grin, “Go tell the workhorse to take a break. That’s an order.”

Waverly nodded and slipped on a pair of boots over her fuzzy socks. Before going out, she grabbed the throw from the couch and wrapped it around her shoulders, anticipating the morning chill.

The grass was still a bit damp and squished under her steps as she made her way across the yard. As she approached, she could hear Nicole’s voice. Her words becoming clearer the closer she got.

“I know, I know,” she said, picking up an old plank and carrying it to the trailer, “A few weeks. I know, but I don’t know how to be around them anymore. And Rosie said- “

She paused when she turned and saw Waverly standing there, nearly dropping the wood in her surprise.

“Waverly,” she said, “Um, what’s up?”

“Who were you talking to?”

Waverly saw her look at the space to her left for a moment before turning back to her.

“No one,” she answered, “Just talking to myself.”

“Sounded more like arguing with yourself,” she teased a bit.

“Well, I’m hard-headed,” she answered with a shrug, “Did you need something?”

“I come bearing orders from Gus,” she said, clapping her hands together, “Take a break.”

“In a bit,” she tossed her thumb over her shoulder, “I’m on a roll out here.”

“I see that,” Waverly said, stepping towards the fence and tapping it with her knuckle, “How long have you been out here?”

“Uh, not sure,” she said, pulling off her work gloves and scratching her forehead, “A few hours.”

“Wow, an early start,” Waverly lifted her eyebrows, “Any reason?”

Nicole shrugged, “I didn’t get much done yesterday, plus after the rain I figured the ground is soft enough to make it a little easier on me.”

“I guess that makes sense,” Waverly nodded, trying not to feel guilty since she was the one who dragged Nicole away yesterday and kept her from doing any work. She found herself apologizing, “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Nicole asked, looking genuinely confused.

“For keeping you from working yesterday.”

“No, come on. That’s not what I meant,” she assured with a shake of her head, “Don’t be sorry. Yesterday was…it was nice. I wasn’t expecting to do anything but wallow and distract myself. I should thank you for getting me out there. It was kind of nice, you know? To talk.”

“Well,” she cleared her throat, “Any time.”

Nicole nodded and wiggled her hand back into her glove. Waverly remained where she was while Nicole got back to work. She really would be finished in no time.

That thought brought a weird sort of …disappointment? Which didn’t make sense. She had no reason to be disappointed. It needed to be done. It wasn’t like it was a bad thing. Not like Nicole was going to vanish because the work was done. She would still be living at the homestead afterwards, at least Waverly assumed she was. She didn’t see why that would suddenly change.

Nicole lifted the edge of a new plank and dragged it over. Setting the end near the notch in one of the ready posts, Waverly watched her heave up the other side to push it in. Her muscles flexing under its weight, the shirt she wore doing nothing to hide the structure of her arms and shoulders as she worked. Waverly blinked as she caught herself staring; a swooping feeling appearing in her stomach as she turned away.

Oh. Well, maybe that had something to do with it.

Maybe a part of her, a small part, a tiny part enjoyed watching Nicole work. No, not enjoyed, appreciated. She just appreciated seeing the work done. The way she liked watching any project come together.

That was all it was. Just a fellow crafter appreciating someone’s work. She liked seeing it done, strictly from a labor appreciation standpoint.

“Waverly?”

“Yes?” she nearly squeaked as she turned back to her.

“You ok?”

“Mmhmm.”

“Ok,” Nicole said, though her face looked a bit like she didn’t believe her. Still, she repeated herself since it seemed Waverly hadn’t heard her, “Tell Gus I’ll be in in a bit.”

She nodded quickly, “Ok,” and instantly set off back towards the house.

Nicole watched her hurry away with brows scrunched in confusion before turning to Wynonna.

“She was acting weird, right?”

Wynonna chuckled and shook her head with a smile.

“Idiots, I swear.”

X

X

X

Chapter Text

Nicole tripped over her own feet as the alcohol soaked her bloodstream. Pitching forward, she was saved from falling on her face by her friend’s strong hands keeping her standing. She leaned against him as they continued their way through the park.

“Whoops,” she murmured, fighting to keep her feet under her as they continued to misstep.

“Easy,” Xavier’s deep voice came beside her as he adjusted his grip to help her stay upright, “Not falling on my watch.”

“No worries,” she replied with a slur in her words, “What’s one more bruise, right? Doesn’t matter. Least this time I can say I fell without lying.”

“It matters,” he said with a sigh, then directed her towards a nearby bench, “Here let’s sit for a minute. Get some air.”

Guiding her to sit, the light from the lamp post covering the both of them. He moved a hand to her face.

“Let me see,” he requested gently, only for Nicole to pull away from his touch.

“It’s nothing.”

“It’s something,” he debated, “Otherwise you wouldn’t have called me.”

Nicole clicked her tongue, “I called you ‘cause the bottle was empty.”

“If you wanted someone to bring you more, you would’ve called Wynonna or Rosita,” he pointed out, “You called me.”

Nicole ran her hand through her hair and blew out a breath.

“I couldn’t call Wy, didn’t want to upset her. Again,” she admitted, “She gets so worked up when this happens. I don’t want her to do something stupid ‘cause of me.”

“She gets worked up because she cares about you,” he told her, “Same reason it upsets me to see you like this.”

“Drunk and pathetic?” she asked, looking down at her feet.

“Hurting,” he answered instead, “So bad you end up drinking alone in the park in the middle of the night. Not just physically.”

He saw her wipe her eyes with a sniffle before turning towards him and letting him see the red mark on her jaw. He carefully held her chin and inspected it, satisfied that it didn’t look too bad.

“You know, I-I can handle it when she smacks me around now and then. The physical stuff I can live with,” she said and swallowed, “It’s the…the shit she says. She gets in my head, man.”

Xavier let out a long sigh and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. She allowed him to pull her towards him; his hand rubbing up and down her arm. He remained quiet for a few moments. His usual quiet strength a balm to her terrible night.

“You know you’re always welcome at mine,” he said after he felt her breathing calm, “Stay as long as you want.”

She chuckled, “And wreck the Dolls bachelor pad?”

“Ah,” he smiled, “You know my dad loved you. He’d welcome you with open arms. Especially if you tell him- “

“No,” she said as she sat up and wiped her face, “I’ll be fine. In a few months we’ll graduate, and I’ll be out of there.”

He let out a long sigh and squeezed her shoulder, “If you say so. In the meantime, you keep me on the other end of the line. Middle of the night. Middle of the park. You call me or Rosita and she’ll call me anyway. You call Wynonna. We’ll always have your back. I’ll always have your back, Nicole.”

Nicole felt her lips pull into a small smile.

“Even if you’re on the other side of the world?” she asked, “You still determined to put on a uniform and try to save the world?”

He chuckled, “I think so. But, yeah, even then.”

Nicole shook her head, “God, I don’t know what I’ll do without you around. You’re my best friend, X.”

He smiled brightly, “Back at you, Haught.”

X

Nicole fiddled with the napkin, twisting and tearing at it nervously as she waited at the table. Shorty’s wasn’t too busy, she purposely asked to meet after the lunch rush had passed.

Wynonna’s hand appeared on her busy ones, getting her to look up.

“Calm down, shredder,” she said.

“He’s not coming,” Nicole muttered, looking down at the mess she’d made.

“He’ll be here.”

“We said 2:30,” she reminded her, “He’s always on time.”

She checked her watch, noting it was thirteen minutes past the time.

“He’s not coming,” she said again, “He doesn’t want to see me.”

“That’s not true.”

“He hates me. He just didn’t want to tell me,” she continued, “He was just being nice. He blames me. They all do.”

“Stop it,” Wynonna ordered, squeezing her hand, “He’ll be here.”

As if waiting for a cue, the door opened and Xavier walked in. His sharp eyes finding her immediately and he made his way over. Nicole swallowed under his approach, even as he gave her a kind smile. She stood up to meet him as he reached the table.

“Nicole,” he greeted warmly and before Nicole had a chance to feel awkward or unsure, he’d already wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in for a hug.

Her eyes instantly began to water, and her breath hitched at the familiarity of her friend’s arms hugging her. She hugged him back, gripping tighter than she intended. But Xavier, strong, steadfast Xavier, didn’t blink as she held on for dear life.

“Shit,” she said embarrassed as she pulled back with an awkward laugh, “Sorry.”

She apologized and wiped her face as she sat down.

“Don’t worry about it,” he assured brushing his hand over the damp speckles on his shirt, “It’s stylish, right?”

Nicole looked down nervously. Xavier cleared his throat.

“I should apologize for keeping you waiting. Ms. Whitmer couldn’t get her car started, I helped her out before I could head out.”

He held out his hand towards her, showing off the remnant of grease on his knuckles.

“See? Proof.”

Nicole chuckled and pushed his hand away.

“You don’t have to prove anything. I already know you’re a boy scout.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he grinned and leaned back in the booth.

The friendly chatter faded and the awkwardness refilled the air between them. Nicole scratched at her temple, an anxious habit since the accident left the scar behind. However, in that moment she’d forgotten about the nearly healed gift her mother left her with and felt the scabbed skin pull with a wince. She flicked her eyes to him self-consciously at Xavier, wondering if he’d somehow heard about what happened. Hoping not, Nicole tried to appear casual as she brushed some hair from behind her ear to cover the mark.

She felt Wynonna’s cool hand lay against the back of her neck and squeeze affectionately.

“Stop,” she told her softly, “Just talk to him.”

“You, uh, you look good,” she offered lamely, almost wincing again at the terrible attempt. She couldn’t believe it was so hard to talk to the person who, outside Wynonna, had been her closest friend, “I’m sorry, that was…I’m sorry.”

She wiped her hand over her mouth and shook her head.

“This is stupid.”

“It’s not,” he assured right away, “You’re just…rusty. It’s been a while.”

“It has. And I’m…I’m sorry for that too,” she swallowed, “For not answering your calls and messages.”

“You called today. You’re here now. That’s what matters,” he said with a nod, “How are you?”

Nicole looked at her hands, picking nervously at the skin around her nail.

“I saw Rosita the other day.”

“She told me,” he said with a nod, not mentioning her avoidance of his question.

“She-She told me you enlisted. That you’re leaving soon.”

“I am,” he said, reaching over to cover her hand with his and stop her anxious picking, “But not for good. I will be back.”

“Right,” she swallowed, “I know I haven’t been a good friend since…you know.”

“Hey, you’re fine. You were dealing with a lot and, I suppose, you were dealing in a way you thought was best at the time.”

She gave a dry chuckle and shook her head, “I’ve been told recently that I might not have been dealing in the best way.”

“Like I said, you’re here now,” he repeated, “And you look good.”

She laughed a bit as her words were given back to her.

“I mean it,” he said, gesturing towards her, “You look like you’ve been getting some sun, and the glasses are a nice addition.”

“Yeah,” she touched the frames briefly, glancing to Wynonna beside her, “Kind of a, necessary addition.”

“Well, it works. You do look good Nicole. You look…healthy.”

“Thank you.”

“I heard you’re doing work for Gus. How’s that going?”

“Fence work, yeah. We sort of fell into an agreement,” she told him, “It’s going fine. More than fine. Nice actually.”

“Nice, huh?”

“Yeah, I didn’t know what I was doing when I agreed, honestly. But research and some, uh, trial and error,” she shrugged, “Turns out I kind of like it. You know, working with my hands and seeing it come together. It’s pretty cool.”

“Sounds like it,” he grinned, “I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself.”

Nicole shrugged and then changed the topic.

“So, what have else have you been up to?”

X

“Don’t be so dramatic,” Waverly said as she got out of the car.

“It’s true,” Chrissy said following her on to the sidewalk, “It’s been forever since we’ve really hung out. You’ve been like ghost the last few weeks.”

Waverly shook her head, “You know how things have been. I just feel like it’s important to stay close to home right now.”

“Sure, Waverly,” she said with a click of her tongue, “Whatever you say.”

Waverly grabbed her arm as she reached for the door, turning her back to face her again.

“What do you mean by that?”

Chrissy sighed and looked at her friend.

“I mean the accident was months ago, but you’ve only been AWOL the last couple weeks,” she pointed out, “Around the time a certain someone started hanging around your place.”

“Come on, that has nothing to do with anything,” Waverly laughed it off.

“So, you haven’t been ignoring Champ’s calls to hang out with her instead?”

“Did Champ say something to you?”

“Just that you’ve been avoiding him since Nicole,” she made air quotes, “‘stole his chance to impress your aunt.’ “

“I’m not avoiding him,” she denied, “I just- “

“Prefer spending time with someone else?”

“It’s not like that, Chris,” she said, then added with force, “It’s not.”

“What is it like, then?”

Waverly looked around the mostly empty sidewalk, swiping her hair back as she looked at her.

“It’s like…being in a foreign country and then finding someone who speaks the same language as you.”

“Waverly, you know what that sounds like.”

“No. No, what I mean is, the language is Wynonna,” she tried to explain, “She’s the only one who understands what it’s like. Really understands. IT’s not just people being polite about her because she died. Nicole knew her; the real her. It’s nice to talk to someone who loved her as much as me.”

Chrissy nodded at her words. Taking a moment of thought before speaking softly, “Just be careful, all right?”

“Of what?”

“Of getting too caught up in your new language that you forget how to speak to anyone else.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means don’t let your big heart get caught up in something that will hurt you,” she advised more directly, “Like you said, Nicole loved Wynonna. Even people on the outside could see it was, like, real deal love. That’s not something people move on from easily and I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Waverly shook her head again.

“I told you, it isn’t like that,” she repeated, “We’re-We’re friends.”

Chrissy gave her a small smile and squeezed her arm.

“Keep it that way,” she suggested then reached out to open the door, “Come on, I’m starving.”

They entered the diner and Waverly was immediately hit by the sound of laughter. Her eyes followed it to the source across the room and found Nicole at a table with Xavier Dolls.

Nicole covered her mouth with her hand as she seemed to realize how her laughter had carried while Dolls threw his head back and clapped. Waverly felt herself smiling at the scene; happy to see the meeting Nicole had been nervous about was going well.

It was nice to see her connecting. She looked lighter in the moment with him. It reminded her of that day at the cemetery. The way she’d laughed so fully in the rain.

It was a good look on her.

“Waverly,” Chrissy said her name and pulled her towards the counter to put in their orders with Shorty.

While they waited for him to come back and get to them, Waverly let her eyes drift back towards the table. They had stood and were now hugging. Xavier turning to say something in her ear and Nicole nodded against his shoulder before they parted. A few more words were quietly exchanged before Xavier left and Nicole sat back down. She watched her set her glasses on the table and wipe her eyes.

“I’ll be right back,” Waverly felt herself say, already walking away before she could hear Chrissy’s response.

She made her way across the room and paused at the table. She waited a moment for Nicole to notice her on her own. It took a second before Nicole lifted her head, looking to the empty seat beside her before turning towards her.

“Waverly,” she said surprised, “Hi.”

“Hi,” she gestured to vacated seat, “Can I?”

“Uh,” she wiped her face again and reset her glasses, “Yeah, sure.”

She sat down across from her and took a good look at her face before asking softly, “Are you ok?”

“Yeah,” she nodded and sniffed, “Yeah.”

“It looked like it went well.”

“It did,” she cleared her throat, “Real well.”

Waverly tilted her head, “Then why are you crying?”

She laughed lightly, feeling embarrassed at her behavior, “Because it went well. I was so worried, but it felt…almost like it was before.”

“That’s a good thing.”

“It is. I just didn’t expect it; feels a little overwhelming,” she admitted, “You know one of the hardest things about all of this is the way the world keeps going. While your world stops, everything else keeps going forward. I thought-I thought when…if I ever tried to get back on, I wouldn’t be able to catch up. That there wouldn’t be room for me anymore.”

“And now?”

“Now,” she started, “after hanging with X today, it feels like maybe it isn’t true. Maybe there’s still a place for me. I don’t know.”

“There is,” Waverly reached across the table and covered her hand, “I’m glad you’re starting to realize that.”

“Thanks,” Nicole said quietly, bringing her other hand over to drop it on Waverly’s and ducked her head as a small smile touched her lips.

Waverly smiled as well as she looked at her. Lifting her eyes back across the room when she felt herself being watched.

She found Chrissy looking at her from where she was leaning against the counter. She swallowed under her gaze before her eyes moved down. Following her sight, Waverly realized her hand was still resting between both of Nicole’s and she pulled it away quickly and stood up.

Flexing her hand a few times, she stuttered out her words, “I-I better get back.”

Nicole nodded, “Ok. See you back at the house.”

“Mmhm,” Waverly nodded shakily and hurried back to Chrissy. Her friend gave her a look and she immediately said, “Don’t.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

X

X

X

Chapter Text

Waverly shook her pom poms in unison with the rest of the squad when the Blue Devils defense got the ball back and reversed the court. The crowd cheered as they passed half court, now on offense, and Kate passed the ball across to Nicole near the court sideline.

The crowd noise drowned out the squeaks of tennis shoes as Nicole juked and moved to throw the Monument defender off her track. Once the girl gave her an opening, Nicole off towards the basket for what looked like an easy layup. The surrounding noise amped up as she closed in, Waverly’s voice blending in with it.

From where the squad was lined behind the post, Waverly could see the concentration on Nicole’s face as she broke away, never losing control of the ball. She could also see the defender recover to run at her heels. Her stomach clenched, caught up in the moment and the atmosphere, as Nicole pushed off her foot to shoot right in front of Waverly.

As she jumped, however, the Monument player charged forward, ramming to her hip mid-air, and sending her careening off-course. Before Waverly had time to process what was happening, a heavy, sweaty body crashed into her. The breath left her chest in a rush of air as they hit the floor in a heap of bodies and tangled limbs.

What Waverly first thought was ringing in her own ears was actually a series of long sharp whistles from the referees as chaos erupted. Jolene, the hot-tempered shooting guard ran up and shoved the defender who knocked Nicole down. That caused one of her teammates to shove Jolene in response and soon enough it was a full fight between both teams.

The refs continued to blow their whistles and try to separate everyone while Waverly pushed at the body that was still half on her and groaning.

“Ow. Ow, get off!” she winced.

“Sorry,” Nicole said and rolled onto her back beside her, “Gah, fuck.”

She flexed her right hand a few times before shaking it out, “Damn it.”

Nicole took a second to catch her breath before sitting up with a groan and looking at Waverly, “You ok?”

“I think so.”

Nicole slowly got up and immediately held her hand down to Waverly to help her up. She hesitated a moment before accepting it and letting herself be helped up, briefly wondering why none of her squad had done so for her. That was easily answered when she saw them grouped together near the Devil’s bench to avoid the melee.

“Ah,” she breathed out as she put weight on her foot and then winced, “My ankle.”

“Is it bad?” she asked, keeping a hand on Waverly’s arm, “Here, let me help you over, the team doc can look at you.”

She leaned on Nicole as she limped over in that direction. As they made their way slowly over, Nicole lifted her head from focusing on Waverly when she heard her name.

“Yo Haught!” Cleo called from the bench, “Better get your girl under control.”

Nicole looked where her teammate pointed and saw Wynonna had come down from her seat on the bleachers and was trying to get by the coach and onto the court; all the while yelling angrily.

“Bullshit, she did that on purpose!”

Waverly felt Nicole’s hand loosen and she looked between them for a second, “Um…”

“Go,” Waverly instructed, “I can make it the rest of the way. It’s not so bad now.”

Without a word, Nicole’s hold on her dropped away entirely and she ran over, getting between Wynonna and their coach. She put her hands on her arm, exactly as she for Waverly a moment ago, and guided her back from the woman.

“I got my eye on you 12!” Wynonna shouted, pointing a threatening finger towards the defender in question even as Nicole continued to guide her back towards the bleachers, “I got my fucking eye on you! Better watch your ass!”

“You ok?” Chrissy asked, coming up beside Waverly, getting her to blink and pull her eyes from the scene before her, “Do you need to be checked out?”

“I’m fine,” she said, glancing back over to her sister and Nicole, “It’s fine.”

X

“Well look at that,” Gus said, standing between Nicole and Waverly in the grass. She clapped a hand on Nicole’s back, “You did some mighty fine work.”

Nicole couldn’t help the proud smile that came over her face at the compliment. Looking over the land and the now complete fence; her hard work was finished, and it looked good.

“Yeah?” she asked, wiping her forehead of beads of sweat that lingered. She hadn’t been able to wait as she set the final plank, not even taking the time to load up the old wood as she hopped on the ATV and went straight to the house to tell Gus it was done, “I-I still have to take the old wood away and I know some of the posts aren’t as straight as the others- “

“Nicole,” Gus said, putting a stop to her self-critique, “Take the compliment, girl. You did good work.”

“She’s right,” Waverly agreed, leaning forward to look across Gus at her, “It looks great.”

Nicole let out a self-conscious chuckle, “Thanks.”

Wynonna hand wrapped around hers and a kiss touched her cheek.

“I knew you could do it,” she said, laying her head on her shoulder.

Nicole tilted her head enough to rest against hers, a soft smile on her lips.

“Thank you,” she whispered, just enough for her to hear.

“Well, a deal’s a deal,” Gus announced, “let me get the keys and rustle up the papers for ya.”

Nicole watched her leave, still smiling at the fact that she’d actually done it. Waverly stepped into the space where Gus had been beside her, crossing her arms and bumping her shoulder into Nicole’s.

“You really did a good job,” she said, “You should be proud.”

“I am,” Nicole said with a laugh, “Is that silly? Being so proud of basically completing a chore?”

“Of course not,” she answered, “You worked hard to do something, and you did it. You took something old and made something brand new. It’s kind of beautiful when you think about it.”

“Beautiful, huh?” Nicole repeated and looked back to the fence, “Yeah, I guess I can see that.”

They remained quiet for a few minutes before Waverly suddenly declared, “We should celebrate!”

“Celebrate a fence?”

“A beautiful fence,” Waverly reminded her, “Come on, it’s a big deal. You should always celebrate a finished project.”

“Ok, ok,” she chuckled, “Celebrate how?”

“Dinner. My treat,” she offered brightly, “How ‘bout it?”

“I don’t know,” Nicole started tilting her head, “the last time you bought me a meal, it didn’t go so well.”

Waverly suppressed a grimace at the memory of the lunch and the fight that came from it.

“This is different, though,” she said, “This is a good thing, and we’re friend’s now. I mean, aren’t we?”

Nicole grinned a bit and nodded, “Yeah. We’re friends.”

“Great, and friends take each other to dinner to celebrate accomplishments. Come on.”

“Ok, sure,” she agreed with a shrug, “Yeah, a celebratory dinner sounds great.”

“Awesome,” she clapped her hands.

Nicole laughed, amused by her delight, and gestured over her shoulder.

“I do have to take care of that first, though,” she said, pointing to the pile of wood. She saw Nicole hadn’t moved either “

“Right. Do that and shower and stuff,” Waverly instructed, “When you’re done, we’ll head out. Sound good?”

“Yeah, sounds good.”

“Great, it’s a date,” she said happily and turned to go back inside but froze instantly when she realized what she’d said.

She closed her eyes for a moment before slowly, very slowly, turning around. She saw Nicole hadn’t moved either, the pale, struck look on her face dashed Waverly’s hope that she hadn’t noticed.

“Um, I-I didn’t mean that like it sounded,” she stuttered out awkwardly, “Not like…you know.”

“No,” Nicole said after a second, “No. Yeah, I…I knew what you meant.”

She cleared her throat and looked down at the grass, “I should take care of the mess.”

“Nicole, if it’s weird or anything, we don’t have to- “

“No, no it’s fine,” she assured her, though she still sounded a bit off and tried to inject some enthusiasm in her voice, “It’ll be, it’ll be fun. A celebration, right?”

“Right,” she put on a smile, hoping to ease the awkwardness, “I’ll see you when you’re done.”

“Yep.”

“Yep,” Waverly repeated with a nod and went inside, berating herself for the verbal slip as she went.

Nicole ran a hand through her hair and sighed.

“She didn’t mean it like that,” Wynonna said, repeating Waverly’s words.

“I know,” she answered quietly.

“Then why do you look like someone just hooked your nips to a car battery?”

“Just caught me off guard,” she excused, “That’s all.”

They remained silent as she went to the ATV to go load up the last of the wood. As she turned it on, Wynonna spoke again.

“Would it be so terrible?”

Nicole turned it back off and rubbed her face, “What?”

“Would it be so bad if she did mean it?” she asked, “To be asked out on a date? To go on a date?”

“Wynonna,” she sighed.

“I’m not saying now,” she went on, “But eventually, someday, when you’re ready.”

“I don’t know, Wynonna,” she answered honestly, “I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready.”

“I know,” she said softly, climbing on behind Nicole. She wrapped her arms loosely around her neck, “I just want you to be happy, you know. I don’t want you to be alone forever.”

Nicole’s hand came up to hang on Wynonna’s forearm and she leaned back into her.

“But I’m not alone,” she said, “I have you.”

“Yeah,” Wynonna said with a long sigh and kissed the side of her head, tightening her embrace and adding, “Always.”

X

X

X

X

Chapter Text

Wynonna leaned her hip against the hood, head leaned back in the last rays of the setting sun as she waited. She heard a clang of metal falling followed by a hissed curse and looked down at the source. She grinned at the sight of her girlfriend knelt in front of the flat tire, struggling to loosen the lug nuts.

“Having fun down there?” she asked playfully.

“These nuts are all rusted to hell,” she said through clenched teeth as she tried to force the tire iron to turn.

“Hold on, I have an idea that’ll help,” she offered and moved to squat next to her. She reached in front of her and started unbuttoning her flannel.

“What are you doing?”

“Trust me, it’ll help,” she said, so Nicole turned towards her and allowed her easier access.

Once she finished unbuttoning it, she pushed it back over her shoulders and down her arms to bunch at her wrists.

“Now take it off.”

Nicole sighed but did as she said and pulled it off completely. Left in her black tank top, she bundled the shirt in her hands and then looked at Wynonna.

“Ok, now what?”

“Now,” she started, taking the shirt from her, and standing back up, “I have a better view.”

Nicole laughed and snatched the shirt back from her, “I’m just a piece of meat to you.”

She wrapped the shirt around the long handle of the iron to ease the ache of her hands and tried again.

“See, that’s more like it,” Wynonna teased as she watched the muscles in Nicole’s arm tense up with effort.

Nicole laughed unexpectedly, losing her grip.

“If you’re not gonna help…”

“I did help,” she shrugged as Nicole tried again. When she saw she was genuinely getting frustrated at her lack of progress, Wynonna decided to stop messing around, “Ok. Let me show you something.”

“Take my pants off?”

“Don’t tempt me,” Wynonna smirked as she moved to stand beside her, “Put it on again so the handle is to this side. Make sure it’s all the way on.”

“Ok,” Nicole did so; making sure it was snug on the nut and laying parallel to the ground.

“Ok, ready for my magic trick?”

“Wow me, Earp,” she smirked up at her.

“Bibbity, bobbity,” she planted her hands on the hood and jumped up, bringing her feet on top of the iron. It gave a slight groan as it turned under the sudden weight and Wynonna smiled, “Boo.”

Nicole looked up at her with amusement, “You could have done that the whole time?”

“Yeah,” she shrugged as Nicole set it up on the next nut to repeat the action, “But you were cute with your chest all puffed up, ready to save the day.”

She jumped again.

“Besides, I can’t give away all of Eleanor’s secrets willy-nilly.”

“The secret is getting new lug nuts,” Nicole said as they got each of the remaining points loose enough.

“If you want to take the easy way out,” she said and ran her hands along the side of the truck, “Eleanor’s got too much character for that.”

“Well,” Nicole said, standing to get the jack out of the truck, “Character or not, I know what I’m getting you for Christmas.”

Wynonna mocked offense and grabbed her before she could get the jack, holding her by the shoulder straps of her tank top, “You wouldn’t dare.”

Nicole’s hands dropped to Wynonna’s hips and leaned in close.

“Watch me.”

X

Nicole stood on the gravel; keys held in her hand as she looked at the beaten old truck.

She still couldn’t believe she’d actually done it. She’d saved Wynonna’s truck from going somewhere it wouldn’t be truly appreciated as it should. Stepping forward, she ran her hand along the metal, feeling the dips and dents in the frame under her fingers and wondering on the stories behind each of them.  She stopped in front of the driver’s door and ran her finger along the small scratches under the handle. Fondly recalling the day they appeared from the studs in Wynonna’s belt pressing into the paint during an enthusiastic session up against the door.

“Hey Eleanor,” she said softly, “Been a minute.”

She wondered how well it would run. Wondered if the engine would sound the same when it turned on. If it would turn on at all. Gus was right, the thing had been on its last leg for a while; long before it had been left to sit for months. She glanced down at the tire with a sad smile as she kicked it to check the pressure.

“Gonna stare at it all day or you gonna get in and go for a drive?”

Wynonna stood in the truck bed, leaning her elbows on the roof as she looked down at her.

“I don’t know,” she answered with a helpless shrug, “I didn’t think I’d actually get this far, really.”

“But you did,” she reminded with a smile, leaning her chin against her fist, “It’s a night for celebrating, remember? What better way than taking the old girl for spin?”

“It’ll be weird, “she started, hanging a hand loosely on the door handle, “riding in it again when you’re- “

“Oh, are we taking the truck?” Waverly’s voice caught her by surprise as she appeared on the porch.

Nicole hadn’t heard the door open, and she instantly dropped her hand from the door and took a step back.

“No,” she answered, “I mean, I’m not sure if I-if it’s ready to drive. It’s been sitting so long. I want to look it over before trying.”

“Makes sense,” she said with a smile and stepped off the porch to meet her, “Ready to go?”

“Uh-huh,” she nodded, looking at her completely for the first time, “Oh…you look…Should I change into something nicer?”

She looked down at the jeans and striped shirt she was wearing, looking a lot more casual than Waverly’s nice pants and patterned blouse.

“What? No,” she said with a smile, “I just got this shirt and wanted an excuse to wear it. Besides, you look plenty nice.”

“Thanks, you too. You look nice, I mean,” she answered and scratched the back of her head, “So dinner? Shorty’s?”

“I had something else in mind, actually,” she said with a knowing grin, “Something a little more fun.”

“Fun, huh?”

“Yeah, after all it’s- “

“A celebration,” Nicole finished with a chuckle, her hands sliding into her pockets, “I remember.”

“Ok, let’s hit it!” she said happily and led Nicole to the jeep.

She took them to a restaurant Nicole had never been to. It was cozy and a bit kitschy with a lot of colorful décor, including a wall of polaroids full of bright smiling faces.

They ordered and ate, conversation passing easily between them. The two exchanging childhood stories and casual anecdotes that had them laughing and just overall enjoying themselves. When the waiter took their empty plates, Nicole was surprised to see a group of staff come by with a large slice of cake.

The cake was placed in front of her, and they began to sing Happy Birthday, much to her confusion.

“It’s not- “she tried to protest but stopped when Waverly’s hand covered hers and she began to join in on the song. So, Nicole closed her mouth and allowed it, her face getting red under all the attention.

When it ended one of the waitresses held up a camera, “Picture for the wall!”

“No, no,” Nicole smiled with embarrassment and held her hand in front of her face.

“Yes, yes!” Waverly clapped, encouraging the scene.

“Fine,” she relented, “but if I’m doing it, you are too.”

“What?” Waverly asked with a laugh and Nicole stood and moved with the cake to sit beside her.

The two of them leaned in together and smiled big for the pictures. When they were left, Nicole looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

“Birthday, huh?”

Waverly shrugged innocently, “They don’t exactly give out free ‘you finished the fence’ dessert.”

“You got me there,” she said with a grin, “Here help me eat this monster.”

Once everything was done and paid for, they made their way out, Waverly stopping at the photo wall to take a picture of theirs on her phone. Nicole took a deep breath of night air as she waited near the door for Waverly. When she came out, Nicole started to lead them down the sidewalk towards the parking area.

“Thanks for dinner,” she said, “You were right, this was fun.”

“It doesn’t have to be over yet.”

“Huh?” Nicole asked and saw Waverly nod to the bar across the street.

A chalk standee by the door announced in bright neon-colored letters that tonight was Karaoke Roulette Challenge.

“Oh no,” Nicole laughed, already shaking her head and trying to keep walking, “No way.”

“Come on,” Waverly said, grabbing her hand to keep her from going far, “Look winner gets free drinks.”

“We’re not 21.”

“Don’t stand there and pretend you don’t have a fake I.D.”

“And you do too?” she asked skeptically.

“Rebellion, remember?” she smirked and tugged on her hand to lead her across the street.

Nicole shook her head again, letting herself be pulled a couple steps.

“I don’t sing,” she laughed.

“Well, I do,” she answered, “Come on. Let me win you a drink.”

“Oh, you’re gonna win?”

“Bet you twenty bucks.”

Nicole laughed again and ran a hand through her hair.

“Twenty, huh?” she blew out a breath and looked at the bar for a second, “All right. Fine. Wow me, Waverly Earp.”

“Prepare to be wowed.”

They made their way in, luckily in time to put Waverly’s name in for the contest and got a table in the crowded bar. Nicole got them drinks, telling Waverly with a playful jab that once she won her money it would still be her treat.

A man came on stage, rolling out a raffle drum before taking a mic and explaining the rules. Each contestant would spin the drum and pull a random song, the winner would be chosen by the man’s decibel reader in his hand to measure applause at the end of each performance.

He called the first name and it got underway. Nicole and Waverly enjoyed the show, laughing and hollering and clapping through several renditions of songs. Some performances better than others and one big burly man who walked back off stage after pulling his song. The crowd laughing as he shrugged good naturedly and said, “Yeah, I don’t know that.”

“Ok, next up, Waverly Earp!” the man emceeing announced, “Waverly Earp, come on up!”

“Decide what you want to drink,” Waverly told her with a wink before hopping up to the small stage.

She rolled the drum a couple times, jumping up and down with excitement before reaching in with her eyes closed. She opened her eyes and read the words before handing it over.

“Ooh, know that one?” he asked her, going over to queue the song in the machine.

“Yep!” she said and took the mic.

Nicole whooped loudly from her table and held her arms up, clapping above her head when Waverly looked her way.

“Let’s go!” she cheered, quieting down as the first notes began and Waverly’s voice started.

“Call your girlfriend.

It’s time you had the talk.

Give your reasons.

Say it’s not her fault.

But you just met somebody new.”

The music picked up, Waverly not missing a beat as she continued to sing along.  People in the crowd already starting to cheer and clap in time with the upbeat song.

Nicole smiled wide, joining in with the clapping as she watched her bounce around on the stage, clearly in an element all her own. She wasn’t even worried that she would surely lose money on it; having no doubt Waverly would win.

“And it won’t make sense right now.

But you’re still her friend.

And then you let her down easy.”

Nicole whooped again as Waverly danced over to the side of the stage and waved at her. Nicole laughed and raised her drink to her. She brought it to her mouth as she looked around the room at the other patron reactions. Her eyes taking in how much everyone was into it and froze, the cup an inch from her lips.

In the crowd, looking right at her from across the room, was Wynonna.

She met eyes and all at once, as if it were brand new, the sense of loss washed over her all over again. Her eyes locked in by Wynonna’s, not even able to take in the rest of her face in her sudden paralysis. It started to feel like it was just the two of them there. Even as she could tell it all still went on around her, it seemed to slow.

People were moving slowly, as if at half speed. Even the song that still reached her ears became slower. Sadder. The music, the lyrics. Everything.

“Call your girlfriend.

It’s time you had the talk.

Give your reasons.

Say it’s not her fault.”

Nicole’s mouth was dry, though she made no move to take the drink. She was pinned by those eyes. By the weight of the words being sung and the guilt that crashed into her chest.

“But you just met somebody new.

And now it’s gonna be me and you.”

Waverly finished on stage with a flourish and a smile. The crowd clapped and cheered, and the emcee came back on stage to get the mic from her.

“I’d hate to follow that!” he said, causing Waverly to beam even brighter and look towards Nicole just in time to see her shove through patrons and run out the door.

“Nicole!” she called out, jumping off the stage and hurrying after her.

Nearly tripping as her feet met the sidewalk, she saw Nicole down the way a little, leaning her head against the brick exterior.

‘Nicole!” she called again and ran over, “Nicole, what happened? What’s wrong?”

Nicole was shaking her head slowly, grinding it against the brick, muttering through obvious tears, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what?” Waverly asked worriedly, “Come on, you’re starting to scare me here.”

“I’m sorry. I forgot. I- “Waverly jumped in shock when Nicole suddenly threw her fist against the brick, “I forgot.”

“Forgot what?” her panic obvious. Nicole punched the building again and Waverly jumped in to grab her arm, “Stop.”

“Don’t!” Nicole said, leaping away from her touch instantly, “Don’t, please. Just- “

She covered her face and sniffled, before she started pacing back and forth across the sidewalk.

“Talk to me, Nicole,” Waverly pleaded, “You’re freaking me out. What happened in there?”

“I forgot,” she repeated.

“Forgot what?”

“Wynonna!” she shouted, stopping her movements, and facing her.

“What?”

“I was watching you and we were having fun and I…” she bent over, bracing her hands on her knees, and taking big gulping breaths before awkwardly sliding to sit on the concrete with her head in her hands. Speaking through choked sobs, “For a minute. Jus-Just for a minute. I forgot about her and I…”

She continued gasping for air and Waverly quickly dropped down in front of her.

“Hey, hey, it’s ok,” she said gently, “Th-That’s ok. It happens, it doesn’t mean- “

“It’s not,” she shook her head, “It’s not ok. I stopped thinking about her. And she knows. She saw! She saw me forget and I don’t know if she’ll come back!”

“Hey,” Wynonna’s voice appeared beside her, hands already, moving to hold her face and turn her to look at her, “I’m here. I’m here.”

Nicole broke into a mess of sobs of relief and guilt all rolled into one. Crying so hard she couldn’t speak.

“Come…Come back?” Waverly repeated her words, confused and worried at once, “What does that mean, come back? Nicole, she’s-she’s gone. And I know it hurts, but she wouldn’t be mad at you for enjoying yourself. You don’t have to feel guilty for it.”

Nicole continued to shake her head, bringing her hands up to cover Wynonna’s against her face and clenched tightly. Still not fully able to comprehend everything she was felt in that moment.

“She’s not,” she heard herself saying, “She’s not gone.”

Waverly swallowed hard and cautiously reached a hand to rest on Nicole’s leg.

“In the…spiritual sense, faith an-and belief, you’re right,” she started carefully, trying to get the right words through her own refreshed grief, “She’s always going to be with us, but that doesn’t mean we- “

“You don’t understand,” Nicole said took a shaking breath, not able to stop herself from speaking as the weight of everything that happened in the last few minutes sat heavily on her. She looked at Waverly with her tear drenched face, holding tightly to Wynonna’s hand, “She’s still here. Right here. Right now.”

Waverly blinked, staring at her, and trying to make sense of what she had just heard.

“Nicole, what are you- “

“Wynonna is here.”

X

X

X

Chapter Text

Wynonna grit her teeth as she worked the window open with one hand, the other keeping her precariously balanced on the small lip on the side of the house. The window frame was warped near the bottom which made it difficult in her position to get it open. She adjusted the toes of her boots to make sure she didn’t slip off and take an unpleasant fall to the ground below.

“Score,” she whispered to herself when she managed to lift it past the stubborn section of frame and could easily push it up the rest of the way.

She quickly slapped her other hand on the bottom of the opening and heaved herself through, tumbling gracelessly to the floor in the house.

“Nice,” she praised herself and wiped her hands on her pants as she stood up in the dark bedroom.

Before her eyes could adjust to it, she felt something smack across the back of her head.

“Think you can break into our house?!” her sister’s voice warned and swung the object again, hitting her shoulder and causing Wynonna to duck down.

“Ow! Waverly, hey! Stop, it’s me!” she said, holding her hands above her head.

“Wynonna?” she asked, moving quickly across the room to turn on the light.”

“Yeah, Wynonna,” she said, rubbing the back of her head, “Why’d you hit me?”

“Why’d you sneak in my window?”

“The light is on downstairs, I didn’t want Gus to catch me creeping in smelling like weed again,” she excused, “I didn’t know you were gonna attack me with a…pink umbrella?”

Waverly glanced at the bright object in her hand and then shook her head.

“Can you blame me?” she asked, “I thought you were a burglar or something.”

“As if there’s anything worth stealing in this place,” she commented and flopped down on Waverly’s bed. She raised her arm and waved Waverly over without lifting her head to actually see her, “Come. Sit with me, Baby Girl.”

Waverly sighed and tossed the umbrella towards the closet before sitting down next to her legs.

“Are you still high?” she asked, fiddling with her fingers in her lap.

Wynonna reached up to grab her and pulled her down to lay beside her with a content sigh, “Only a little.”

Waverly laid next to her, keeping her eyes straight up at the ceiling and hesitated a moment before asking, “Were you with Nicole?”

“Why’d you say her name like that?” Wynonna snorted and mocked her, “Nicole.”

“Just you’ve been spending a lot of time with her, that’s all,” she said, trying to keep her bitterness at bay, “I feel like I barely see you anymore.”

“Hmm,” she hummed, not really responding to what she said except to add, “You know she’s convinced you hate her.”

She looked over at her, seeing her relaxed smile and closed eyes. She took a breath and answered softly, “I do. A little bit.”

“What?” Wynonna lifted up on her elbows and looked at her in shock, “Seriously? Why the fuck would you hate her?”

Waverly looked at her, seeing the irritation on her face. She half shrugged against the pillow and repeated, “I barely see you anymore.”

X

“What does that mean?” Waverly asked, “Nicole, what do you mean, she’s here?”

Nicole shook her head, pushing herself up to her feet and wiping her hair out of her face as she tried to regain composure.

“Nicole?” Waverly repeated, sounding desperate, “What does that mean?”

“Punk,” Wynonna said gently standing next to Waverly, “Tell her. It’s ok.”

“It means,” she took a shaking breath, knowing her words could change things. She could think she was insane and tell Gus. They could kick her out or call the sheriff to put her away. But Wynonna said it was ok, and she knew Waverly better than Nicole did, “She’s here. Right now. Right there next to you.”

Waverly looked beside her where Nicole pointed and saw only empty space.  Her mouth opened and closed a few times as she looked back at her.

“Ok,” she said after a minute, “I think…a lot has happened today and you’re-you’re a little emotional right now. So, let’s go home, all right?”

“You don’t believe me,” she sighed and dropped her arm, “You think I’m crazy.”

“No,” she denied firmly, “I didn’t say that.”

“I don’t blame you. Maybe I am. I mean it sounds crazy. If someone,” she took a breath, “If someone told me they see a dead person I’d think that, too. You know, maybe I hit my head too hard in the accident an-and knocked something loose,” she punctuated her words by smacking her palm against the scarred temple, “Maybe I am crazy.”

“Nicole- “

“But maybe I’m not,” she continued, “Because I don’t just see her. I hear her. I talk to her. I can feel her when she touches me, Waverly.”

“Nicole, please.”

“Since the hospital, since they-since the told me she was gone, she’s been here. Everyday. It’s real. I’m telling you.”

She looked at Wynonna for assistance.

“Help me,” she pleaded, making Waverly look again to where she appeared to speak to no one, “Do something. Prove that you’re here!”

“Enough,” Waverly snapped, holding up her hands and repeating herself in a softer tone, “Ok, enough. Let’s just go home. We’ll talk about this at home not…not out here.”

Nicole’s mouth shut tightly, and she nodded after a second. Waverly was right, this wasn’t something she should be saying in public where anyone could hear. Though she was sure no matter where they spoke, Waverly wasn’t going to believe her she was anything other than insane.

She followed a few feet behind her as they walked towards the car. Her hands shoved deep into her pockets and her eyes down at her feet.

“Thanks for the help,” she muttered.

“I don’t know how to help. I’m sorry,” she apologized, “I don’t know how this works any more than you do.”

“I know,” she said in a sigh as she reached the passenger door. On autopilot she opened it before she paused and asked Waverly, “Are you- “

“I’m fine to drive,” she interrupted and started the engine.

Nicole looked nervously at Wynonna and the road, “Maybe we should- “

“Nicole,” Waverly cut her off, keeping her eyes purposely on the windshield ahead of her as she spoke with a controlled voice, “I had half a cocktail and you just told me you have conversations with my dead sister. Trust me, I’m sober.”

Nicole took a breath, psyching herself up before getting in. The ride was uncomfortably silent. The fun environment of the previous hours a far away memory. Nicole remained tense the entire ride, eyes watchful of every inch of road they travelled; trying to keep the seed of panic from growing any larger.

Only when the homestead was in view did she start to relax, her muscles slowly easing out of the tense state and her breaths beginning to even out. Waverly remained quiet until they got out of the car.

“The barn,” the first thing she said, “I don’t want Gus to overhear anything that might upset her.”

“Right,” she agreed quietly and the two made their way to the barn that had unofficially become Nicole’s room.

Inside, Waverly saw the bags and piles Nicole had come with strewn about the space in a way that probably made sense to Nicole. It all looked intentionally temporary. She wondered if that was because Nicole planned to eventually move into Wynonna’s old room, or because she planned to leave completely.

Nicole awkwardly moved around the room, picking up stray items of clothing and trash that she hadn’t had the chance to properly discard yet.

“Sorry,” she said during her quick clean up and shrugged self-consciously, “Don’t entertain much.”

“It’s fine,” Waverly replied quietly before sitting on the crate across from the bed, leaving the mattress for Nicole.

She seemed to hesitate a moment, debating whether she wanted to sit or not before actually doing so. She ran her palms over her jeans a few times, clearly nervous of what was to come. Waverly cleared her throat and picked anxiously at her fingers.

“I don’t know how we’re supposed to start,” she said, “This is pretty unusual.”

“Tell me about it,” she said, poorly attempting some levity.

“So, you,” she started slowly, “you see Wynonna?”

Nicole nodded.

“Do you…see her now?”

Nicole scratched her temple and nodded again.

“Where, uh, where is she?”

Her eyes moved upward, “The loft. She’s sitting on the edge. Right there.”

Waverly looked where she gestured. Picturing it vividly in her mind; Wynonna sitting there, idly swinging her legs through the air. Usually smirking or giving her the finger when Waverly told her she had to come down for whatever reason. It was so clear in her head, but in reality, there was nothing that met her except dust and cobwebs on an empty ledge.

She released a slow breath, feeling the air dance by her quivering lips before forcing her eyes back to Nicole.

“At the, um, the hospital,” she started carefully, “when Gus left to get Dozer, I came in the room and you were-were reaching for something, talking at-at nothing. Was that…”

“Yeah,” she said quietly, “When I-when it looked like I as talking to myself, every time, I was talking to her.”

“And she…talks back?”

“Like nothing’s changed.”

Inhaling through her nose, Waverly nodded a few times. Taking in what she was being told and trying not to react.

“Ok.”

“Ok?” she repeated confused, “You believe me?”

Waverly swallowed and gave her a jerky nod, putting on what she hoped was a believable smile as her mind whirled.

“I believe you, Nicole.”

“Really?” Nicole asked, a breath of relief flowing from her chest, “Oh man, that…thank you. Seriously, Waverly that means,” she let out a half-laugh, half-sob and looked at her with glistening eyes, “that means so much.”

Waverly nodded with a tight smile as Nicole laughed again.

“Of course.”

Nicole smiled and glanced briefly to Wynonna before turning that smile to Waverly once more. The relief and happiness on her face cracked Waverly’s heart.

She hadn’t lied to her. Not really.

She believed Nicole was seeing Wynonna. She even believed she was hearing her. She believed Nicole believed it was real. And it broke her heart.

“Have you thought about…talking to someone about this?” she asked cautiously, “A professional to-to help.”

“What, like a psychic or something? I don- “she laughed, clasping her hands together and rattled off almost excitedly, “We don’t need one.  I can talk to her. You can talk to her too an-and I can tell you what she says. Go ahead, say something, asking something. She can hear you. Go ahead.”

That hadn’t been what Waverly meant, but she wasn’t sure how to approach her actual meaning. She was in extremely uncharted waters and she didn’t want to make the wrong move. Nicole was just beginning to open up and connect to people again and she worried if she felt Waverly didn’t believe her, she would withdraw again.

“Oh, um, I don’t know,” she licked her lips, “I’m kind of tired. It’s been an eventful day and with all of this, I just think maybe I need to sleep and, you know, have a clearer head first.”

“Oh,” a touch of disappointment evident in her tone, “Yeah, I guess it’s a lot to take in. We can talk tomorrow?”

It was phrased as a question, so Waverly nodded, not wanting to plant any doubt.

“Yeah, tomorrow.”

She stood up, surprised when Nicole suddenly jumped up as well.

“Wait,” she requested, “Can you…not say anything to Gus? About any of it?”

“I promise.”

“Thank you.”

“Goodnight,” Waverly said with a smile and turned to leave.

“May the snores be with you.”

Waverly froze at the door and turned back around slowly.

“What did you say?”

Nicole gestured over her shoulder towards the loft.

“Wynonna said, may the snores be with you,” she repeated and turned her head slightly, remaining quiet for a moment before continuing, “After you spent a weekend watching all the Star Wars movies, she started saying that to you at night. You rolled your eyes every time.”

Waverly was just able to keep herself from asking how she knew that, knowing that would call into question her belief in Nicole. She blinked back tears at the sudden memories brought forth and swallowed the lump in her throat.

“She did,” she choked out. Her eyes sliding up to the empty loft again, entertaining the thought for a moment. That maybe it was really real, and Wynonna was there with them.

But the logical part of her prevailed. It reminded her that Wynonna and Nicole likely shared everything with each other. Maybe the two of them sat down and watched one of the movies and Wynonna told her about it. She smiled anyway, if nothing else it was a nice reminder of something she had shared with her sister.

“Thank you.”

“Sweet dreams, Waverly.”

“Sweet dreams, Nicole.”

She left the barn, already wiping her eyes the moment she got outside. She took deep steadying breaths as she walked to the house and up to her room without a word. Once secure behind the closed door, she leaned against it and ran her hands through her hair.

“Ok. Ok,” she whispered to between deep breaths.

She took out her phone with shaking hands and held it to her ear; walking to the window as it rang. Looking outside, she saw the barn door open and close again, leaving Nicole’s silhouette standing outside in the shadows. The small orange ember of a lit cigarette giving her away. It made her think of their conversation by the bonfire. She couldn’t say for sure, but she felt as thought Nicole was looking at her too in that moment.

The call went to voicemail as she’d expected due to the hour and she kept her eyes on that small orange dot as she spoke.

“Hi, it’s Waverly. Earp. I mean, of course it’s Waverly Earp, how many Waverly’s do you know? Well, I’m sure there’s more than just me and maybe you know one, but” she stopped, realizing she was rambling, “Sorry, ignore all that. Can you give me a call when you get this? Tomorrow’s fine or whenever. Just, yeah. Thanks.”

She ended the call and stayed as she was for a minute longer. Still feeling eyes on her until she turned away from the window. She changed and turned off the light. Her mind still reeling as she climbed into bed and stared at the ceiling. Normally she took off Wynonna’s necklace for bed, but that night she chose not to. Instead, falling asleep with her fist clamped tightly around it.

X

Nicole watched the light go out in the window as she inhaled smoke into her lungs and blew it out, a small smile still at the corner of her mouth.

“You’re happy,” Wynonna pointed out, “I like you happy.”

Nicole grinned, flicking the ash off her cigarette.

“I was sure she’d think I was crazy,” she told her, “But she believes me. How cool is that? I won’t have to ignore you or pretend now. Not around Waverly, anyway.”

Wynonna didn’t respond, causing Nicole to look over at her. In the dark with just the small glow of light slipping between the panels of the barn, she could see the look on her face. She looked like she was thinking hard over something and maybe a little confused.

“What’s wrong?”

“I thought…” she started but shook her head and deciding instead to change topics. Asking the question she’d asked more than a dozen times, “Do you think about that night? Really think about it?”

“We’ve talked about this,” she said, rubbing her hand over her jaw, “Why do you keep asking me?”

“It was the middle of the night, two weeks before the accident.”

“Stop it.”

“I came to your house- “

“I’m serious, Wynonna.”

“-crawled through your window, and asked you- “

I know,” Nicole spat, smashing the cigarette into the side of the barn to kill it, “I know all of this. I was there, remember? I don’t need to go over it again.”

She held out her arms, gesturing around them.

“Look, things are getting better now. I’m getting better. Why do we need to keep bringing it up?”

“Because you’re still carrying it with you,” she answered calmly. Stepping closer, Wynonna cupped her hand on the side of her neck and looked into her eyes, “I see you, Nicole. This is me. I see you.”

She ran her thumb back and forth along the warm skin on her neck.

“You’re right. You are getting better, but you won’t really be better as long as you’re carrying that night and the blame you feel from it.”

She stepped in closer and wrapped her up in her arms, tucking her head under chin and holding her close.

“I just want you to be happy.”

Nicole took a deep breath and brought her arms around Wynonna tightly.

“You think I can be?”

“Oh, Punk,” she said against her chest, “I know you can. You just have to let yourself.”

X

X

X

X

Chapter Text

“What did you get for number 10?”

“Um,” Waverly turned her packet over to look at the problem in question, “18.”

“Shit,” Chrissy said while crossing through what she had written.

“What did you have?” she chuckled.

“Not that.”

Waverly shook her head with a grin and looked over the park. It being a nice day, the girls decided to meet at the park to do their classwork before hanging out. They had found a picnic table with a view of the lake, catching the cool breeze that came off of it.

“You going to the thing at the Gardner’s this weekend?” Chrissy asked.

“I don’t know, maybe,” Waverly answered, twisting her pencil, “Champ wants to go.”

“And you don’t?” she asked, then added, “Or you don’t want to go with him?”

“What? No, I didn’t say that” she said defensively, “That’s not it at all.”

“Uh-huh,” Chrissy said, clearly not believing her.

“What?”

Chrissy shrugged, “You just seem, I don’t know, bothered lately. Kind of…wound.”

“Do I?”

“Well, only to me and anyone else paying attention,” she teased, “What’s up?”

“Nothing,” she said and then sighed at the look she was given, “I- “

A shriek cut through the air, stopping her response before she could give it. The two of them looked up and saw Nicole hurrying down the path with a laughing Wynonna draped upside down over her shoulder.

“Nicole!” she said through a laugh and smacked her butt as she hung over, “Put me down you redwood giant!”

Nicole laughed and slowed to a stop on the path in front of their table. She bent down enough to lower Wynonna onto her feet.

Once on the ground she gave Nicole a playful shove, “Ass.”

“Ready to admit I’m right?”

“You wish,” she said and then noticed their audience. Lifting her hand in a wave, “Hey Baby Girl. Baby Nedley.”

“Hey,” Waverly said confused, “What’s going on?”

“Oh, Punk here has her panties in a twist ‘because she can’t handle the hard facts.”

Nicole shook her head, “You don’t even follow WNBA. You can’t make a judgement just to contradict me.”

“Aw,” she said sweetly and brushed some of Nicole’s hair back, “Of course I can. Because it drives you crazy.”

Nicole laughed and shook her head.

“Say Candace Parker is the best in the league right now or you’re going in the lake,” she promised.

“Never.”

“All right then,” she said and moved to pick her up again, “You asked for it.”

“No, no, wait. Ah!” Wynonna tried to back away but ended up lifted over her shoulder once again with a laugh, “Don’t you dare fart!”

Waverly watched them leave, Wynonna’s hand raising once more as they vanished down path.

“See you at home Baby Girl!”

Waverly couldn’t help feeling envious as she watched them disappear towards the lake’s edge. The way they enjoyed each other; casually themselves and together without worry for who might see or what might be said. She eventually turned back to Chrissy and bit her lip for a moment.

“Chrissy, do you ever feel like…like you’re playing a part?” she asked, “Like you’re only the way you are because it’s who you’re expected to be, not because it’s who you actually are?”

“Not really,” she answered seemingly confused by the question before asking, “Do you feel that way?”

Waverly looked back to the lake where Nicole and Wynonna disappeared into the water with a splash.

“Sometimes.”

X

“I mean I’m not complaining, if you want to do the sex greased up mechanic thing,” Wynonna said as they walked towards the house, “but it feels like you might be using this as an excuse not to actually drive the truck you worked your ass off for.”

“It’s not an excuse, it’s been sitting for months, you know how bad that is on a car?” she said as they reached the door, “I just have to make sure everything works well first.”

“Whatever you say.”

They walked into the house and Nicole saw Gus at the table reading the newspaper and absently taking a piece of bacon from her plate and holding it down for Dozer who calmly stood at attention beside her chair. He gratefully gobbled it up and Gus rubbed his head, all without ever taking her eyes off the paper.

Nicole smiled at the scene.

“Looks like you guys are best friends now.”

Gus looked up and wiped her hand on a napkin as she laid the paper down.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said, “Just quieting a beggar.”

“Mmhmm,” Nicole kept a grin on her face as she helped herself to some of the coffee in the pot, sharing an amused look with Wynonna.

“Got something for ya,” Gus said, waving Nicole over to join her at the table.

Confused, Nicole moved to take a seat across from her. Before she could say anything, an envelope was put on the tabletop and Gus slid it over towards her.

“What’s this?” she asked as she took it, lifting the flap to look inside. Her eyes widened and she looked at Wynonna, tilting it so she could see before turning her eyes back to Gus, “What is this?”

“It’s money.”

“I see that,” Nicole said, her thumb running over the edge of the cash, “There’s, like, hundreds of dollars here. Why are you giving this to me?”

“’Cause you earned it,” she said simply, taking a sip of her coffee, “For the work you did.”

“But…” she started, “I mean, the truck.”

“You and I both know the only value in that beater is sentimental,” she explained, “Consider the truck half the pay and that’s the rest.”

Nicole quickly put it back on the table and pushed it back towards her.

“I can’t take this,” she said with a shake of her head, “You’ve already done too much for me. You can’t- “

Gus put her hand on Nicole’s to stop her from giving it back.

“I can do whatever I damn well please,” she said and lifted an eyebrow, “Now if you don’t accept it, I’m gonna take it as a personal insult.”

Nicole swallowed and nodded after a moment. Pulling it back with a quiet “Thank you.”

“Don’t have to thank me,” she dismissed as she picked the paper back up, “Like I said, you earned it.”

“Thank you, Gus,” she said again anyway.

“You’re welcome.”

Nicole cleared her throat and tapped the envelope against the table before putting it in the breast pocket of her flannel for the moment and glancing around.

“Is Waverly still sleeping?” she asked, ready to get back to their conversation from the night before.

“She’s not home.”

“She’s not?” Nicole asked surprised, “Do you know where she went?”

Gus shook her head, “She took off this morning. Said she had to meet someone in town, and she’d be back later.”

“Oh, ok.”

“Something wrong?”

Nicole shook her head quickly, “No, we were just going to talk about something, but it’s-it’s not a big deal.”

“Sure?”

“Yeah. Yeah, it’s fine,” she assured, “I’ll catch her later. I’m sure whatever she’s doing is important.”

X

“-and she was just so hopeful and happy,” Waverly said pacing across the small room, “I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t tell her what I really thought. I mean, could I?”

Dr. Svane sat calmly before her, his hand thoughtfully running over his beard as he listened and took notes.

“And what did you really think?”

“I don’t know,” she threw her hands up and continued to pace in front of the therapist, “That it sounds crazy. Right? It’s crazy?”

“I don’t use that word,” he answered, “It is unusual. But grief manifests in different ways for everyone.”

“So, it’s grief, then?” she asked, stopping in front of him, “Nicole’s grief is causing this?”

“It’s possible,” he tilted his head, “I can’t say for sure. Remember I’m not Nicole’s therapist, Waverly. I’m yours. I can’t speak to what she’s going through with any certainty.”

Waverly puffed out a breath of frustration, having hoped he would have a straight answer and started pacing again.

“In your message, you sounded pretty upset. Let’s talk more about that.”

“Of course, I’m upset. It-It’s upsetting. You find out your friend has apparently been hallucinating your dead sister and see how you feel.”

“What about it upsets you?” he asked, “That it’s happening or that she kept it from you until last night?”

“Either. Both. All of it. I don’t know,” she wrapped her arms around herself, “Wh-What am I supposed to do? Do I play along? Do I try to-to talk her out of it? Fix it? What?”

“Firstly, the most important thing for you to remember is that you aren’t her therapist. You can be a friend, a confidante, even a partner in crime. But not a therapist. You cannot put the pressure or responsibility on yourself to try to “fix” Nicole, as you put it,” he advised seriously, “We’ve spent several sessions since your sister’s death working on your feelings of loss and the anger at that loss. Hearing these things from Nicole may bring those back to the surface which is understandable. Your care needs to be the priority.”

“I just want everyone to be ok. All of us. I want us to be able to move forward and be happy and keep her with us,” she said, “But not…not like this. It seems so…unhealthy, right?”

“Think of it this way,” he started, “While your aunt set up our initial appointments for you and got you on track to get help in dealing with everything, it could very well be that Nicole didn’t have someone to take that initiative for her. It may have never crossed her mind to seek help in addressing her own grief. Without such an outlet, it’s possible her grief reached a state of arrested development where she can’t move from it right now.”

“So how do I help her un-arrest it? I tried to hint at seeing someone herself, but she didn’t catch it. So, what can I do to help?” she asked and then quickly added, “As a friend, not a therapist.”

“If she is stuck, so to speak, maybe find a way to take a step forward. Maybe something you could do together that acts as a tangible action of progress.”

“Tangible,” Waverly repeated to herself with a nod, “Like what?”

“You could go through Wynonna’s stuff together. Maybe donate some of her clothes. Pack a few of her things. Nothing massive to start, just baby steps with a visible progress.”

“Maybe,” she said thinking on the suggestion, “Her room is basically a shrine. That can’t be helping.”

“Either of you.”

Waverly nodded and took a breath before asking the question that had been on her tongue.

“But what,” she started and swallowed, “what if isn’t the grief? What if it’s something else?”

“Such as?”

She blew out a breath, “I know it sounds insane, but what if it’s real?”

“The hallucinations?”

“Yeah, what if it isn’t a hallucination? I mean, you hear about people experiencing, like, supernatural or unexplainable things all the time,” she explained, “What if this is one of those experiences? If Wynonna is really there? Or here?”

Dr. Svane took off his glasses and folded his hands under his chin.

“Are you asking if I think your sister could be a ghost?”

“It’s just that Nicole, she said something. Something Wynonna used to say all the time to me. It’s possible, I guess, that she told Nicole at some point, but I can’t help wondering.”

“Well, if that’s an avenue you want to explore,” he said diplomatically, “Perhaps I’m not the kind of person to discuss that with.”

“Then who?”

“I’m not saying that’s what it is. But if Nicole truly believes something otherworldly or spiritual is happening, if you’re entertaining it as a possibility as well, maybe speaking to someone spiritual would make you both feel better. A person of faith or something similar. To ease your minds.”

“Maybe,” she wiped her face and shook her head, “I don’t know what to do.”

Once the session was up, Waverly thanked Dr. Svane for getting her in on such short notice and got in her jeep to head back home. She was no closer to having any clue what to do when she got there.

She needed the perspective from someone she could trust. Someone she knew wouldn’t say anything to anyone else, and the man had helped her a lot in the first months after Wynonna’s death. She thought she had come to terms and reach a sort of acceptance about it. But now the new wrench being thrown in put that on shaky ground.

Because she couldn’t get rid of the question she’d asked him. What if it was real? What if she’d finally got to a place of accepting Wynonna was gone only to find out she wasn’t? Was Wynonna there? Was she stuck too? Was her sister wandering around them, wishing for them to notice her?

Shaking the train of thought away as best she could, Waverly started driving. After a quick stop at the store, she found herself parking in front of the homestead and slowly getting out. She crept inside quietly, hoping to make it upstairs without coming across anyone; not ready to see Nicole just yet since she was sure to want to continue their conversation.

She successfully got halfway up the stairs before the damn creaking wood gave her away.

“That you Waverly?” Gus called out making her freeze and wince in place.

“Yeah.”

“You good, honey?” she asked after coming over, “You took off pretty fast.”

“Yeah, fine.”

“Anything you want to talk about?”

“No. I just had to take care of something. Everything’s fine.”

“Ok then. Nicole was looking for you this morning.”

“Oh?” she asked as if she didn’t know why, “Where, um, where is she?”

“Barn,” she said, “I don’t know what she got in her head, but she was all kinds of inspired by something when she went back out there.”

“Ok, I’ll se what she needed in a minute,” Waverly nodded, “I’m just going to-to clean up a bit first.”

“All right,” Gus said, patting the stair railing and looking at her for a moment, “You’re sure you’re ok?”

“Uh-huh.”

Waverly then made her way upstairs, not waiting to be questioned any further, and went directly to the closed door of Wynonna’s room. With a breath of preparation, she opened the door and slowly went inside.

She looked around the room for a minute, everything still looked exactly the same.  She tugged nervously on her fingers as she moved to sit on the bed and licked her lips.

“Wynonna?” she asked quietly, a slight quiver in her voice, “Are you here?”

She waited a moment and took another breath.

“If-If you’re really here,” she tried again, “give me a sign? Let me know…please?”

She waited again and continued looking around, expecting to feel stupid but instead feeling a surprising anger in her chest.

“Yeah, I’m not important enough to-to haunt, right? You preferred spending time with Nicole while you were alive, why should that change now?” she asked and her jaw twitched before asking a little sharper, “Come on.”

After another handful of uneventful seconds, she shook her head.

“This is stupid. You’re not here,” she said to herself and sniffled, “Are you?”

She wiped her eyes.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry this is- who am I apologizing to?” she sighed and stood up.

She made her way towards the door hearing something clatter to the ground as soon as she touched the doorknob. The sudden noise made her jump and she looked around. Almost instantly she spotted the picture frame on the ground where it clearly had fallen.

She picked it up and ended up looking at a photo of the two of them as kids. Standing at the lake’s edge, Wynonna was helping a toddler Waverly hold a fishing pole. Waverly didn’t remember that day, but she knew Wynonna did and that she cherished the photo of them.

“When shit was simple,” she’d said, adding with a smirk, “and I was smarter than you.”

She placed it back on the shelf with a small smile and walked out, closing the door behind her. Half a second later she flew back through the door with wide eyes.

“Wynonna?”

X

X

X

Chapter Text

The sounds of the crowd and music of the ongoing party were muffled by the closed door of one of the many bedrooms in the large house. Waverly sat on the bed with Champ, his hands roaming and his mouth tasting of whatever alcohol he had been consuming.

It wasn’t ideal but, at the same time, it was nice to get away from the crowd for a few minutes and just be together. She hadn’t really wanted to come to the party, but after a couple drinks and a few dances, she had been enjoying herself mostly. She was able to forget everything else for a little while and just be.

When Champ’s tongue got a little more forceful and his hand slid down to the button her shorts, Waverly pulled back a bit.

“Champ,” she said, pulling his hand back up, “No.”

“Come on, Waverly,” he goaded, moving so she was laying back with him on top of her, “It’ll be nice, promise.”

She turned her head away, letting his land on the side of her face instead.

“No, Champ.”

He groaned and sat back, resting on his heels over her legs, “Why not?”

“Because you’re drunk. Because I’m not ready,” she answered, pushing against his chest until he got off of her, “Because I said no. Take your pick.”

“You’re not ready, great. You’re never ready. When will you be ready?” he asked with irritation in his tone and demeanor.

“When I’m ready.”

She stood up and went towards the door while fixing her hair.

“Where are you going?”

“Back downstairs,” she said, “I’m going to find Wynonna and go home.”

“Come on,” he whined, “You know she’s not going to want to leave. She’s probably busy with her gay shit.”

“Her what?” she asked sharply, “What did you say?”

“Hey, I didn’t mean anything. Just, she’s, you know, doing her shit with Haught.”

“Gay shit, I think is what you said.”

“Oh, come on, don’t make it something. I just mean, you have to admit it’s weird right? That she’s suddenly that way. Wasn’t she hooking up with dudes until basically a week ago?”

“Not that it has to be justified to you, but she’s been with Nicole for a year now. It’s not weird. It’s who she is.”

“Who she is now,” he responded, “How do you just suddenly- “

“Ok, that’s enough. I’m out of here.”

“Hey, hey, I just mean- “

“I know what you mean. You’ve been making little comments the whole time and it’s not ok. Just because someone-because Wynonna has feelings that are-are different than what you know doesn’t mean they’re a joke, Champ.”

“Why are you jumping down my throat?” he asked, holding up his hands, “What did I do?”

“Forget it,” she gave up, “I’m leaving.”

Champ flopped down on the bed, “Whatever. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

Waverly left the room and went back downstairs. She searched the crowd for her sister or Nicole, knowing Wynonna wouldn’t be far from her. It took a few moments before she spotted Xavier and Mercedes talking nearby and went over to them.

“Hey guys,” she greeted as she approached them, “Do you know where Wynonna is?”

“She and Nicole left a little while ago,” Xavier told her.

“She did?”

“Yeah, you missed some drama,” Mercedes sang the last word.

“What happened?”

“Oh, it was crazy. We were- “

“Doc overstepped,” Xavier cut in calmly, “Things got a little heated, so they took off.”

“Damn it.”

“Everything ok?” he asked.

“Yeah, I was hoping to catch a ride.”

“Well, I can take you home.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, my dad’s probably on the couch pretending he’s not waiting up for me anyway.”

She sighed in relief, “Thank you.”

He nodded, saying goodnight to Mercedes, and then led Waverly to his truck.

“I really appreciate this Xavier,” she told him as he drove.

“Yeah, no problem.”

“It’s just, I know you’re more Nicole and Wynonna’s friend than mine,” she found herself rambling, “You don’t have to go out of your way for the annoying little sister.”

“You’re not annoying,” he said and then grinned, “Little, yes, but not annoying.”

Waverly chuckled, looking out the windshield as they came to a long stretch of road. Up ahead the darkness was broken by a series of headlights and ones flashing red and blue in their lane.

“Oh man, I wonder what happened.”

“Accident or something,” he said as he slowed a bit to guide his car into the other lane and give a safe berth to the vehicles and personnel. An officer stood in the road waving them on and Xavier lifted his hand in acknowledgement as they passed by.

Waverly turned in her seat to look back at the lights as they got smaller and smaller.

“I hope everyone’s ok.”

X

Waverly swallowed and stared at the framed photo.

“Wynonna?” she asked and nervously licked her lips, “Did you do that?”

She touched the frame, making sure it wasn’t bent or had any other fault that might make it fall over randomly.

“Did you knock this over?” she asked quietly, “Was it a sign? Do-Do it again if you’re here. Please.”

She waited a few minutes for something to happen. When nothing did, she stepped forward and lifted her hand towards the vent on the wall, wondering if maybe the air had kicked on hard enough to have done it. Feeling only the slightest touch of cool air flowing, she determined that couldn’t have been it either.

She shook her head and left, figuring it was likely just a weird happenstance and that it was time to buckle up and talk to Nicole. She went outside, Dozer following on her heels as she opened the door and made her way to the barn where Gus said she was.

‘Inspired’ was the word Gus used. Waverly wondered what she could’ve been inspired about as she opened the door and looked inside.

“Nicole?” she asked when she saw no sign of her inside.

She stepped back outside and looked around.

“Nicole?”

“Yeah?”

Waverly jumped and spun around when the voice appeared behind her. Stepping back, she lifted her hand to shade her eyes as she looked up and saw Nicole on the roof of the barn.

“What are you doing up there?”

“Oh, you know, just hanging out,” she shrugged with a grin.

“Seriously?” she laughed.

Nicole chuckled and carefully went to the side of the barn where Waverly hadn’t noticed the ladder on her way out. She climbed down, hopping off the last step and walking towards her.

“I remembered what you said about the roof leaking. I thought I’d take a look to see why.”

“Oh, so you fix a fence and now you’re a roofer?” Waverly teased.

“Well,” she shrugged, “Watched some videos, did some reading. I thought, you know, maybe it’s something I could do for you guys.”

Waverly gave her a small smile, “You don’t have to do things for us. Especially things that involve climbing ladders to fix ancient barns.”

Nicole pushed up her glasses unnecessarily.

“I want to,” she said, glancing down briefly, “Besides I-uh I actually liked doing the fence. I like the idea of doing these things. Like you said, taking something old or broken and making it beautiful, right?”

“In that case go nuts. Heck, maybe you can fix my wonky window one day.”

“I’ll put it on my list.”

Waverly smiled, feeling a small blush hitting her cheek, “I was just kidding. You don’t have to.”

“Nope, it’s on the list,” she affirmed, “Shake on it.”

She held out her hand and Waverly shyly took it. Waverly felt Nicole’s eyes burning into hers as their hands remained clasped. It felt like an opportunity to say something she knew she shouldn’t. Like how beautiful Nicole’s eyes were. Like how she suddenly had the urge to yank on that hand and pull Nicole closer.

She cleared her throat and pulled her hand back, “So, about yesterday; what we talked about?”

Nicole nodded, “I looked for you earlier, but Gus said you had to go out.”

“Yeah, sorry. I had an appointment,” she explained vaguely, “Sort of a last-minute thing.”

“Oh, is everything ok?”

“Mmhmm,” she answered, her voice squeaking a bit, “Listen, is-is she here right now? Or where is she?”

“Yeah, she’s right here,” Nicole nodded to her right.

“Has she…been with you today? The whole time?”

Nicole’s brow raised at the question, and she looked to her right.

“I think so, yeah,” she told her after a second, “I mean I wasn’t looking the whole time when I was looking at the roof. But I think so, why?”

“I thought for a second…” she trailed off, thinking back to the moment in Wynonna’s room, “Never mind.”

“Ok,” she said slowly, “So, did you want to talk any more about it? Talk to her or ask questions or anything.”

“Actually, there’s something I want to do first,” she started, twisting her fingers, “I was hoping we could do it together?”

“Oh, yeah sure,” she agreed, wiping her hands on her shirt.

“Great. Now?”

“Lead the way.”

“I need to get some stuff from my car first.”

“Ok.”

Nicole started to follow her when Waverly stopped and turned back around.

“Um, is it possible…” she paused, letting the half-question hover for a moment as she worried how Nicole might react to her request.

“What is it?”

“Can it just be us?” she asked carefully, “Just for a little while, while we do this?”

“Oh, I…I don’t know if- “she stopped and looked beside her, “Are you sure? Where will you be?”

Waverly shifted her weight, trying not to react to what was happening in front of her.

“All right,” she nodded to the space beside her before looking back to Waverly, “Ok, yeah.”

They went to the jeep and Nicole carried the pack of bundled boxes while Waverly grabbed a bag of packing tape and permanent markers. She led her upstairs; all the while Nicole was wondering what they were doing. When they reached Wynonna’s room, Nicole paused.

“Waverly,” Nicole asked warily, “What are we doing?”

“I need to go through her room, decide what to do with it all,” she explained gently, “You should have a say.”

“That’s,” she cleared her throat, “That’s thoughtful, thank you.”

She took a breath to prepare herself as Waverly opened the door and forced herself to slowly enter behind her.

“Shouldn’t- “Nicole started and looked around the room, “Shouldn’t Wynonna be here too? If anyone deserves a say- “

“No,” Waverly said a bit too quickly, then covered, “I, um, I don’t want her to feel pressured or guilty about any of it, you know.”

“Right,” Nicole swallowed, accepting Waverly’s answer, “OK. Where do we…where do you want to start?”

“Um, clothes?” Waverly suggested, “I figure we can separate them into things to donate and things to keep.”

Nicole nodded and put down the pack. She pulled out her knife and cut the banding holding them together and started folding the boxes together. It gave her something to do for a few extra moments and time to brace herself for the chore. She could feel her hands shaking as she did so and pressed her lips together tightly.

“Can I, um,” she sniffled, trying to hold down the quiver in her voice, “Can I have the tape?”

“Yeah, here,” she held it out for her.

When Nicole reached for it, Waverly held fast and closed her other hand around Nicole’s. Her eyes rose to meet Waverly’s and she saw some familiar pain reflected there.

“We can stop if it gets too much.”

Nicole nodded gratefully, feeling the warmth of her hands around her own.

“We don’t have to do it all. Just one thing at a time.”

“Sorry,” Nicole said quietly, lifting her arm to wipe her sleeve across her cheek, “Sorry, I’m good.”

“You don’t need to apologize for your feelings,” she reassured, “It’s ok. It’s hard.”

“Yeah,” she adjusted her glasses, “So clothes?”

“Clothes.”

They worked as a team, going piece by piece through the closet and carefully folding them into piles and boxes. Occasionally stopping to share a memory of a specific memory of Wynonna related to things they found.

Waverly chuckled from her side of the closet, drawing Nicole’s attention away from the crop top she was folding up.

“What is it?”

Waverly turned around holding up a hoodie emblazoned with an angry hornet in a Stetson hat.

“This was one of her favorites,” she said with a smile, “I would steal it all the time.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I don’t even know what it’s about, but it’s so comfy I didn’t care.”

“Filewych United,” Nicole said with a small grin, “It’s a soccer team.”

“Oh, you know it?”

“It’s mine,” she told her, surprising Waverly with the information.

She stepped forward and took the soft sleeve in her hand, running her finger over the material, “Thought I lost it.”

“Well, you should have it back then,” Waverly said, holding it out to her.

Nicole looked at it for a moment, “You keep it.”

“No, I can’t. It’s yours.”

“Nah, it hasn’t been for a while,” she reasoned, “And you like it, so it’s yours now.”

“Thank you,” Waverly said, pulling it to her chest, “I’ll take care of it.”

Nicole nodded and moved over to sit on the edge of the mattress.

“You know, I was half expecting to find her jacket in here,” she said, “The leather one with the fringe she loved so much. But I remembered she was wearing it that night.”

Waverly nodded, draping the hoodie over her arm, and moving to sit beside her.

“They gave it to Gus at the hospital. Everything she had that night, clothes, jewelry, her phone, all of it,” she told her, “The clothes were all torn up from the accident and covered in bl…in blood. Gus tossed them.”

“That makes sense, I guess,” she said quietly, looking at the empty closet.

Waverly looked at what they’d done so far and at all they had still remaining. She blew out a breath at the sadness of all her things collecting dust and blinked back the fresh burning behind her eyes.

“No one talks about this part,” she thought out loud, “People talk about the emotional part of losing someone, the mental struggles. No one really talks about this; the physical part. What to do with all the things they leave behind. A person collects so much stuff in their life and when they’re gone, it’s all still there.”

She sniffed and ran her hand over her face.

“Shit,” she whispered, “Sorry.”

“Hey, if I’m not apologizing, you aren’t either,” Nicole said, reaching over to pat her leg, “Trust me, if anyone understands how messed up this is, it’s me.”

“It is,” she agreed softly, laying a hand over Nicole’s on her thigh.

She rubbed her thumb back and forth over the back of her hand thinking a thousand thoughts as she stared at the action.

“Nicole,” she started quietly, “I have to show you something.”

“What?”

“I have to show you something,” she began, “You know how I said the hospital gave us Wynonna’s jewelry?”

“Uh-huh.”

Waverly swallowed and reached up behind her neck. She undid the clasp and pulled the necklace out. Holding it up by the chain so the charms were visible to Nicole.

“She was wearing this,” she told her, “I didn’t know what it meant or where it came from, I just knew that she wore it every day. So, I kept it as a piece of her, b-but when I saw your tattoo…I’m sorry. I should have kept it from you when it’s obviously important to the two of you.”

Nicole licked her lips as she stared at the necklace she’d thought was lost forever. She carefully took it in her hand, resting the key in her palm and running a finger over the engraving.

“It was a birthday present,” she said without moving her eyes from it, “I thought it was gone; that it came off in the accident. Lost in the woods.”

She finally looked up at Waverly.

“You’ve had it this whole time?”

“I…like I said I didn’t know,” she told her again nervously, “Until that day after the cemetery when I saw your tattoo. I recognized it and- “

Nicole looked at her confused, a small spark in her eyes, “But that was weeks ago. And you still- “

Nicole’s phone rang cutting through the tense moment between them. She sighed, closing a hand around the necklace, and digging her phone out with the other.

“Hello?” she answered, her eyes still on Waverly, “Yeah this is her.”

Her gaze finally dropped away when she heard whatever was said on the other end.

“What?” sounding shocked and surprising Waverly. Her fingers slid under her glasses and pressed against her eyes, “Uh, ok. Yeah, I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

She ended the call and stood up. Moving as if she wanted to leave but stopping and turning around as if unsure what to do with a burst of energy.

“What’s wrong?”

“That was the sheriff,” she told her, holding up the phone.

“What did he want?”

“My mom,” she started, “She’s been arrested.”

“What? What for?”

“He didn’t say,” she said, running her hand back and forth through her hair, messing it all up, “I have to go there.”

“Ok,” Waverly stood as Nicole started to leave, “Wait, maybe you should take Gus with you. She’s friends with the Sheriff Nedley. She can probably help.”

“I-I don’t know,” she said, swaying on the spot as if she didn’t know what to do, “I don’t know. I haven’t seen her since…and she’s arrested? I don’t know.”

“It’s ok, just breathe,” Waverly stood up and put her hands on Nicole’s wrists to ground her, “It’s going to be ok.”

Nicole nodded and took several deep breaths before looking down at the necklace still clenched in her hand. She carefully put it in her pocket and looked back at Waverly.

“Would you-Would you come with me?” she asked suddenly, “No, that’s-no forget it.”

“Hey, hey,” she squeezed her wrists a bit, using the pressure to reaffirm that she was there, “I’ll come. If you want me there, I’ll come with you.”

Nicole took one more breath and looked anxiously in her eyes.

“I don’t have a right to ask, but…yes, I’d like you with me please.”

“I’m with you.”

X

X

X

X

Chapter Text

“I swear to God, you’re more trouble than you’re worth!”

Nicole flinched at the shouting voice of her mother. It wasn’t unusual at all; she knew she only needed the smallest reason to go off on her. Her crime this time? Using the last of the milk for her cereal the night before.

“I’ll go get some more,” she mumbled, keeping her eyes down on her shoes.

“Damn right you will,” she said, “It’s the least you can do for being so thoughtless.”

“I was hungry,” she defended with a small shrug.

“Then deal with it!” she snapped, “That’s your problem, Nicky. You’re always so God damn, needy. That’s why your father left. Couldn’t deal with your non-stop badgering.”

Nicole bristled at that.

“He left you, too.”

“What did you say?”

Nicole lifted her head and straightened her shoulders.

“I said he left you, too,” she repeated with more conviction, “Maybe I wasn’t the one he had to get away from.”

Lydia’s face hardened as she marched across the space between them. Her fist closing tightly around a clump of Nicole’s hair and yanked her head back so sharply it made her neck sting. She bent her knees automatically to ease the ace of the angle while she looked up at her mother.

“Listen to me, you little shit- “

Her words were interrupted by a knocking on the front door. Lydia looked towards it and then back to her daughter.

“We’re not done,” she hissed and let go, causing Nicole to stumble back a few steps to keep from falling.

She opened the door swiftly and spat right away, “What?”

“Whoa, hello to you, too,” the voice caused Nicole’s ears to perk up, “Is Nicole here?”

“She’s busy,” her mother said definitively and tried to slam the door, only to be stopped by Wynonna’s ringed hand slamming against it.

Her girlfriend called through the doorway, “Nicole! Are you there?”

“I told you she’s busy,” she said again, “Go find your jollies somewhere else.”

“Listen lady- “

“Coming!” Nicole declared suddenly, swiping a hand through her hair, and shoving by her mother to force her way out the door.

She grabbed Wynonna’s arm as she did and pulled her along to get them both away from the house.

“We’re not done, Nicky!” her mother shouted at them from the porch.

Wynonna turned as if ready to respond but Nicole tugged again, to keep her moving towards the truck.

“Don’t,” she requested, “Let’s just go.”

The engine roared to life and Wynonna stuck her arm out the window. She held her hand high to make sure the woman had a clear view of her middle finger as they drove away.

X

Nicole followed nervously as the deputy led them to the area containing the holding cells. She wasn’t sure exactly when she’d grabbed onto Waverly’s hand, but she was aware that she still held it as he unlocked the door and led them by the empty cells, heading towards the one her mother was waiting in.

Part of her wanted to let go and tell Waverly to wait for her elsewhere, the part made up of shame that told her to hide this part of her life. But a louder part found too much comfort in the warmth of it and having someone beside her.

“Lydia Haught,” the deputy said as they came to stand in front of the holding cell, “Visitors.”

“It’s Evans,” the woman laid out on the bench responded as she sat up, “Lydia Evans.”

Nicole almost rolled her eyes. Her mother loved to insist she go by her maiden name but had never gone through the trouble of actually getting it changed back.

“Just going by the paperwork,” the deputy shrugged and looked at Nicole, “Knock on that door when you’re ready to leave or if you need anything.”

Nicole nodded and he left them alone, his keys jingling as he walked away. With a swallow, she faced her mother who was now standing and walking towards the bars that separated them.

“Took your sweet time, didn’t ya?”

“I came as soon as they called,” she mumbled and then sighed, “Drunk and disorderly? Destruction of property? Jesus, Mom.”

“Oh, that’s bullshit,” she answered with a shrug, “I had a few drinks, sue me.”

“You threw a stool at the bartender,” Nicole said with disbelief, “You’re lucky you didn’t hit her, or it would be a lot worse. Suing you is exactly what they’re doing.”

Lydia opened her mouth to say something but for some reason stopped. Nicole wondered what it was until she saw her mother’s scrutinizing eyes drop to her and Waverly’s joined hands; her gaze then traveling up to Waverly herself.

“Who’s this?” she asked looking directly at her, “Who the hell are you?”

Nicole dropped her hand and shifted to stand in front of her before Waverly could answer, as if shielding her from view would make her mother forget that she was there.

“None of your business,” she told her bravely.

Lydia stared at her daughter for a few moments with a smirk on her face.

“Whatever,” she said and sighed dramatically, “You gonna get me out of here or did you just come to waste my time?”

“I have to talk to the sheriff.”

“Then what are you standing here for?”

Nicole set her hand on Waverly’s back to guide her back the way they’d come. Nicole knocked on the door to let the deputy know they were ready to come out. Taking deep breaths as they waited.

“Are you ok?” Waverly asked softly, taking Nicole’s hand again.

Nicole looked down at their hands and shook her head just as the door opened. They were surprised to see it wasn’t the deputy from before, but rather Sheriff Nedley himself.

“Hi girls,” he greeted gently and then led them towards his office.

He held the door for them and then gestured to the chairs in front of the desk before taking his own seat behind it.

“Let me start by apologizing,” he said, which confused Nicole, “I specifically told Lonnie to let me know when you were here before you went back there to see her.”

“Why?” Nicole asked quietly.

Nedley’s eyes clicked to Waverly before returning to Nicole.

“It might be best to talk privately.”

“Yeah, of course,” Waverly said and started to stand until Nicole held a hand out to stop her.

“No, she can stay,” she said, then looked to her and added, “I-If you want, I mean.”

Waverly gave her a soft smile and sat back down without hesitation. Nicole felt a little better knowing she would be there.

“She can stay,” Nicole repeated to the sheriff with a strong nod.

“All right then,” he nodded and wiped his hand over his chin, “Well, unofficially, I know what happened recently. I know you were in the hospital because of some altercation involving her.”

Nicole shifted uncomfortably in her seat, resisting the impulse to scratch her temple and bring attention to the scarring there.

“Since it wasn’t witnessed and you haven’t reported it, it’s still unofficial,” he folded his hands on the desk, “I wanted to talk to you first, one, so you knew you didn’t have to see her or feel pressured to do so, and two, to see if wanted to report it and see about bringing charges against her.”

“Oh,” Nicole voiced awkwardly, adjusting herself in the chair again, practically squirming under his attention, “N-No, I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Mmhmm,” she gave him a jerky nod.

“Well, if you change your mind, you can come to us,” he waited for her to acknowledge his words before continuing on with the current situation. He opened the file on his desk, “Ok then let me give you the details. Your mother was at Pussy Willows this afternoon. She became belligerent when the bartender cut her off and tried to leave without paying. When the bouncer stopped her, she threw a barstool at the young woman, and it destroyed two shelves of high-end liquor as well as the mirror behind them.”

“Shit,” Nicole whispered, sliding a hand under her glasses and pressed her fingers into her eyes, “So, what happens now?”

“Well, I spoke to the owner. He says he’s willing to drop all charges as long as she pays the damage costs. She would, of course, be banned from returned as well.”

“How-How much is it?” she asked after a breath, “The damages?”

“Exactly?” he said, looking down at the file and lifting to the second page, “$658.44”

“Six…” Nicole started and rubbed her face again. She left her hand pressed to her mouth for a few moments, trying not to think of the envelope of cash Gus had given her that morning. She knew exactly how much was in it, still stuffed in her pocket with the intent to go to the bank on the way home. She tried not to focus on that number and how having it made her feel financially steady for the first time in a while. She knew it would cover the cost laid out before them.

She rubbed her hands up and down the arms of the chair a few times, trying to keep her breathing steady.

“Nicole?” Waverly’s voice worked through the humming noise of the big flashing number in her head, “Nicole?”

She felt her hand come to rest on her arm, pulling her back to the moment.

“If it isn’t paid?” she asked shakily, “She…goes to jail?”

“Maybe. It would go to court and depending how it plays out she could serve a short sentence or be put on probation and have any wages garnished until all expenses are covered, which would likely include any legal fees or more depending on a judge’s decision.”

Nicole swallowed a lump in her throat, feeling nausea creeping up on her.

“I need to talk to her again,” she said suddenly, “Can I?”

“Sure.”

This time, when Nedley opened the door and let them in, Nicole paused and turned to Waverly.

“Can you wait over here?” she asked quietly. When she saw the concern on her face, she added, “I don’t want her to say anything to you. She can get…nasty.”

Waverly nodded but took a moment to grab Nicole’s fingers and squeeze gently.

“I’m here, ok?”

“Thank you,” she whispered.

She nodded and took the few steps away to stand in front of her once again.

“Finally!” Lydia said standing up against the bars and clapping her hands, “Let’s go. Where’s that idiot with the keys, come on.”

“I talked to the sheriff. If you pay the damages and never go back, they’ll drop the charges,” she informed, “It’s about $660.”

“Well, shit,” she hissed, “I don’t have that kind of money laying around, Nicky.”

“What about Vegas?” she asked, “You had winnings, didn’t you?”

“Had, Nicky,” she pointed out, “I spent it, ok?”

“All of it?” she prodded, “On what?”

“On whatever the fuck I want!” she snapped, grabbing the bars, “Instead of asking stupid questions, why don’t you make yourself useful and help?”

She paced for a moment before turning back to her.

“You go to the bank,” she ordered, “You’re old enough. You go to the bank, and you get a loan. Go.”

“Mom,” she said, but Lydia kept going.

“What you want your mother to go to jail for this?” she asked angrily, “I swear to God, Nicky, after all I’ve done for you, you can’t do one thing for me?”

“Mom, I- “she paused, debating whether or not to put it out there. She looked towards Waverly, knowing she could hear the conversation from where she stood and sighed, “Mom, I have the money.”

Lydia froze and looked at her with wide eyes. After a second, she stepped closer.

“You do?” she asked, “Jesus Christ, Nicky, what are we standing here talking for? Go take care of it!”

Nicole’s jaw twitched and she looked at Waverly again, staring at her as her mother continued ranting and demanding for her to do it. It finally became too much, and she turned back to her mother with hard eyes.

“Why should I?” she asked sharply, seeing the surprise on her mother’s face.

“Nicky- “

“No,” she cut her off, “It’s my turn. I hate being called Nicky! I’ve told you a hundred times. My name is Nicole. It’s Nicole, and it’s my turn. I’m the one who has the power now. So, you have to stand there and listen to me this time.”

She saw her mother’s features tighten, fury simmering beneath the surface ready to explode. But she kept her mouth shut, recognizing that Nicole did, in fact, have the power in the situation. Nicole saw this and shook out her hands, feeling almost unsteady from the adrenaline rushing through her.

“As long as I can remember, even before Dad took off, you’ve treated me like-like the biggest inconvenience in your life,” she started, “And after he left? You were a monster. You’ve treated me like shit; smacked me around, called me names, let me-let me go hungry because you couldn’t be bothered!”

She stepped forward, followed immediately by a step back, completely lost on what to do with energy flowing through her system.

“You made me feel so small and so…stupid every damn day of my life,” she continued, “You say I’m useless? Well look in the mirror, mom. Look at yourself! You’re the one who fucked up and now you need me. Well, what about when I needed you? What about when I was a kid? When I was scared or confused? When I was failing classes because you couldn’t bother to help me with my homework? Or when I’d come home crying because the other girls picked on me for being the weirdo who was too tall or too ‘boy-ish’ or because I didn’t wear the right clothes?

She wiped her cheeks aggressively when she realized a few tears had fallen.

“Or how about when I was laying in the hospital bed with a- “she made a fist and dug her knuckles into her temple, “-with a shattered fucking skull and my world blown to pieces, huh? WHERE WERE YOU?!”

She took big panting breaths and clenched her teeth.

“You didn’t give a shit when I needed you, so why should I?” she asked, grabbed the bars in a white knuckled grip, “Why shouldn’t I let you rot?”

Lydia noticeable swallowed, the reality settling over her that she might actually leave her there.

“Nicky,” her tone soft as she touched a shaking hand to hers, causing Nicole to rip her hands away from the bars. Lydia startled and tried again with a swallow, “Nicole, sweetie, I’m your mom. You can’t- “

“And I’m your daughter,” she interrupted, “And I know you didn’t plan me. I know you only got married ‘cause of me. You made damn sure I knew it. But once I was here, I was here. All I wanted was my mom to be my mom. I would have given anything, anything in the world for you to just act like you loved me.”

She sniffled and let her voice quiet down, “All I wanted was for you to love me, and now I don’t care if I ever see you again.”

“Nicky,” she said again, panic lacing every letter, “Nicole. Nicole, wait. Think about this please.”

Nicole took a breath and looked at Waverly again. With her hands folded in front of her mouth, even at the distance between them, Nicole could see the shine in her eyes from her own barely held emotion as a witness. She felt her mother catch her sleeve and hold fast, bringing her attention back to her.

“Nicole, honey please,” she begged, shoulder pressed against the bars so her arm could reach her, “Look, I don’t have the money. I don’t, ok? That’s why I was ditching my tab, all right? I have no way to pay that much right now. And, ok, I’ve been a shit mom, I’ll be better. Ok, you get me out of here and I’ll be better.  I’ll bake cookies and ask about your day and all that good mom shit. Please.”

Nicole blew out a breath and slowly pulled her hand off of her.

“Here’s the thing: I don’t believe you. I don’t, but it doesn’t matter. Because I don’t need you anymore,” she said calmly, “But you know what? I’m going to pay it.”

“You are?” she breathed out an airy chuckle, “Oh, Nicky. I- “

Nicole shook her head and spoke firmly, “On one condition.”

“Anything.”

“I never want to see or hear from you again. I’m not your emergency contact, I’m not your one phone call, I’m not your anything. I’m not your daughter anymore. I don’t care what you do with the rest of your life, but I’m not a part of it. In any way. Understand, Lydia?” she emphasized her name to get her point across, putting her hands in her pockets and standing tall, “If I ever get married, my wife won’t have a mother-in-law. If I have kids, they’re not going to going to have a grandmother from me. You forget I exist because I’m going to do the same. I’m going to walk out of here, pay for your mess, and never think about you again.”

Lydia stood there, gaping like a fish, barely working out Nicole’s name one more time.

“Congratulations, it’s your dream come true,” she said with a nod, “Goodbye, Lydia.”

Nicole walked away, ignoring her attempts to call her back. Waverly already knocking on the door before she got there. Nedley must have been waiting right by it because it opened instantly. Nicole spoke before anyone else had a chance to.

“Where do we do this?”

X

Nicole and Waverly walked outside once it was all taken care of and Nicole took a bit exaggerated breath; noting a bit ridiculously, that it tasted different.

“How are you feeling?” Waverly asked walking alongside her, “That was some heavy stuff in there.”

“I’m…” she paused to think about it, taking an inventory on herself. A smile broke across her face, “I’m great.”

She let out a laugh and stopped walking so they could face each other.

“I’ve held that in for so long, getting it all out, saying it to her face like that…it was amazing.”

“I bet,” she smiled, “I’m glad you got to do that. You look different. Lighter. Happy.”

“I’m more than happy, Waves,” she explained, not able to know how Waverly’s chest fluttered at the use of the nickname, I’m amazing. I feel, I don’t know how to explain it. Higher than anything could make me. It-It’s like my body is buzzing. Like I could do anything, you know?”

Waverly laughed and reached out to squeeze her bicep affectionately.

“That’s wonderful. So, what do you want to do then?” she asked, “If you could do anything?”

Nicole licked her smiling lips as she considered the question. Her first impulse came so quickly the adrenaline still flying through her gave her no chance to second guess herself as she suddenly surged forward and caught Waverly’s lips with her own.

Waverly stumbled back a few steps from the momentum of the sudden kiss. She felt the wall of building at her back as the rest of her sense were filled with Nicole. Her arms wrapped around her neck, holding her close as she returned the kiss with fervor.

Passionately wrapped up in the heat of it and pressed between the wall and Nicole’s strong body. It lasted for several seconds before their lips parted.

Waverly slowly opened her eyes and found Nicole’s inches away, looking into her own. With her palms against the wall on either side of her head, framing Waverly in as they stared at one another. They remained frozen in that position, close enough to see the exact moment they both realized what they had just done.

X

X

X

Chapter Text

Nicole slid her hand up the strap of her backpack, letting it hang loosely near her shoulder as she looked over the shelves in the school library.  She waited until after the final bell, assuming it would be a quick stop, but she couldn’t for the life of her figure out the system to find what she needed. There didn’t seem to be any sort of categorization that she could make sense of with the books. She ran her hand through her hair and let out an annoyed sigh as she crossed the aisle to the next section of shelves. She glanced over her shoulder towards the front desk, hoping for a sign of the librarian to help her out but found it vacant.

“You look lost,” a voice turned her around and she found a student sitting at one of the tables near the windows.

“Yeah,” she said with a self-conscious chuckle, “I can’t figure out the system here.”

Waverly used her pencil to hold her place in the textbook as she closed it and walked over with a polite smile.

“What are you looking for?”

“Uh, The Little Prince by,” she paused to looked at the sheet in her hand, “Antoine dee Saint-Ex…”

“de Saint-Exupéry,” Waverly finished for her with a practiced accent, “I know it. That’s for Ms. Valdez’s class, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Here, this way,” she led her to the stacks towards the back.

“Oh, I didn’t mean to take you away from what you’re doing.”

“It’s fine,” Waverly said with a wave of her hand, “I’m just getting a head start on some work while I wait for my sister.”

She stopped in front of a shelf and danced her fingers along the spines until she found what she was looking for.

“Voila! One French classic,” she pulled the slim book out and gave it to Nicole.

“Thanks,” Nicole smiled looking at Waverly for a moment before shaking her head and gesturing to the shelf that still had no discernable pattern to her, “Ok, please tell me the secret. How the hell is this place organized?”

“You’re new right?” Waverly laughed.

“Yeah, started a couple weeks ago.”

“That makes sense, most everyone is sort of just used to it. They kind of just shelve them as their ordered. Newer ones are in the front, older ones just get moved back here.”

“That…sounds insane.”

“Welcome to Purgatory High,” she chuckled, “I’m Waverly, by the way.”

“Nicole,” she shook her hand with her free one, “Thanks again. I would’ve been here all day.”

“Anytime.”

“Well, I’ll let you get back to your work,” Nicole said after a second, “Nice to meet you.”

“You, too.”

Nicole was glad to find the librarian back at the desk so she could check out and headed towards the exit. At the door she stepped back when she nearly ran into a familiar face coming in.

“Whoa!” Wynonna spun around her to avoid the collision, turning Nicole around, “Looks like you can’t stay away from me, Punk.”

Nicole bit her lip as she smiled, “Can you blame me?”

“For so many things,” she teased, playfully tugging on the drawstring of Nicole’s hoodie.

“I have to get going,” she said regretfully, “But I’m sure I’ll run into you again soon.”

“Damn right,” she said, backing into the library.

Nicole kept standing there for a few moments, watching Wynonna. Still backing away, Wynonna gave her a wink that put a big smile on Nicole’s face before she turned around to approach her waiting sister.

“Hey Baby Girl,” she greeted, sitting across from her, “You about ready?”

“Yeah,” she said and started packing up, “You know Nicole?”

“We’ve met,” she said with a coy smile, “Spent some time together. She’s hot, right?”

“I-I guess so,” she stuttered out, focusing on her bag to avoid her sister’s eyes.

“Mm, I’m telling you Waverly,” she continued as they stood up to go, “Something about that girl I got my eyes on.”

“You like her?”

“Definitely,” she said and nudged her playfully while they walked, “So if you have an awakening, which I’m all for by the way, just remember I’ve got dibs, all right?”

Waverly forced an awkward laugh, “Nothing to worry about there.”

X

Frozen in place, Nicole’s hands were still on the wall and her body still leaning against Waverly’s. Her eyes widened while looking into hers. The silence hung heavy between them, neither knowing what to say or if there was anything they could in that moment. After a few seconds, Waverly found the courage to speak.

“Nicole,” she whispered nervously; the reaction was instantaneous, as if her voice alone made it real. Nicole pulled her hands away from the wall and took several steps back to put space between them.

“I…” she started with a thick voice, “I shouldn’t…I…I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.”

“It’s ok,” Waverly said automatically, “It’s ok, let’s- “

“I shouldn’t have done that,” she said again, scrubbing her hand over her face, “I’m so sorry. I was just-the adrenaline and everything that’s happened, and I-I should go. I should go.”

Waverly quickly stepped forward and grabbed her arm before she could take off.

“Nicole, wait. It’s ok,” she said again, “Let’s-Let’s slow down and…we should talk, ok? We’ll go home or-or anywhere and we’ll talk. Ok? We’ll talk?”

“Talk,” she nodded stiffly, “Yeah, we’ll talk. We’ll…”

She looked around suddenly, impulsively wanting to call for Wynonna while simultaneously glad she wasn’t there. Apparently having taken the suggestion to give them alone time seriously. She didn’t know where she was or what she did when Nicole didn’t see her. She’d never wondered because it seemed like she was always waiting for Nicole to turn and see her. But still, as much as she depended on the comfort of her presence, she was glad she hadn’t been there to see what she’d just done.

“Ok,” Waverly said softly, “Where do you want to go? You want to go home?”

“No,” she shook her head, “I don’t want…Can we go somewhere else? Somewhere without anyone?”

Waverly swallowed, hearing the meaning in the words. She didn’t want Wynonna to hear them. She sighed quietly, trying not to let it disappoint her. She knew how Nicole felt, she knew one impulsive kiss wasn’t going to suddenly change that.

“Yeah,” she said quietly, “I know where we can go.”

She almost reached for Nicole’s hand, remembering how easy it felt to do so just minutes earlier. However, in that moment, it felt that would be the wrong move. So, she didn’t.

It was a painfully quiet drive, during which Waverly tried to contain her anxiety and tears that threatened to spill as she thought about what happened and not knowing what the fallout could be. She suspected Nicole wasn’t doing any better in the other seat. She sat silent and stared straight ahead out the window, though Waverly wasn’t sure she was really seeing anything.

When she pulled off the road in what appeared to be the middle of nowhere, Nicole seemed to snap out of her fog and looked around.

“Uh, what are we doing here?” she asked, seeing only trees and woods stretched out around them.

“Come on,” Waverly said, forcing aside her shaking nerves to smile as well as she could, “I know the perfect spot to talk.”

Nicole followed her through the trees, continuously looking around at their surroundings. She almost wondered if Waverly was taking her out there to kill her but recognized that was ridiculous. So, she just kept quiet and continued to follow her lead. Eventually the trees started to thin a bit to a clearing and Nicole’s feet stopped, even as Waverly continued forward. She was surprised to find herself met with the sight of a crumbling stone staircase.

“What is this place?”

Waverly shrugged, “I don’t know. I found it a while ago, nobody else ever seems to be here. It kind of became my little secret. When I need a peaceful place to sit and think…or not think.”

Waverly moved to sit on the second step and Nicole followed her over. She stopped before sitting to look up at the structure, moss covered steps spiraling up to an archway at the top.

“What do you think it was for?”

“Maybe a castle? Hundreds of years ago?” she theorized, “You know there’s stories of dark preachers using staircases as pulpits for sermons. Could be that.”

“Dark preachers?” she repeated looking it over once more before sitting beside Waverly on the step, “That’s creepy.”

Waverly rubbed her palms together and looked over her shoulder at it, “You want creepy? Some legends say you should never climb stairs going nowhere. If you do, you won’t be able to come back down. You’ll be trapped on them forever.”

Nicole tipped her head back to look up once again.

“Have you done it?”

“God, no,” she breathed out, “I’m sure it’s just a myth but I’m not brave enough to find out for myself.”

“I’ll do it,” she said, moving to stand back up but Waverly instantly grabbed her jacket to stop her.

“No don’t. Please, don’t,” her voice almost panicky.

Nicole settled back down right away and apologized softly, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to freak you out.”

“It’s fine,” she said calmer, “Besides, I know this is all just small talk to delay the big talk.”

“Right, the big talk,” Nicole agreed and ran a hand through her hair. She looked around and took a breath, tapping the toes of her boots against the stone, “I don’t-I don’t know what to say other than I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done what I did.”

“Because…of Wynonna?” she asked cautiously.

“Because of her. Because of me,” she let out a shaking breath, “Because of you.”

“Me?” she asked surprised, “What about me?”

“I mean, I just sprung it on you,” she explained, “I put you in a position you didn’t ask for and that wasn’t cool.”

“I wasn’t exactly fighting you off, was I?”

“It doesn’t matter. You said-I mean, we’re friends. You’re my friend. You’re Wynonna’s sister. It’s all,” she took off her glasses and rubbed her eyes, “It’s a mess. I’m a mess and I’m…I ruined it. I ruined everything.”

“You didn’t,” Waverly assured, rubbing her back, “You didn’t. And you’re not a mess, ok? You’re not.

“Waverly- “

“No, that’s…that’s your mother’s voice saying that” she said firmly, “And you’re done with her. Right? She’s not in your life anymore, so please don’t let her stay in your head.”

She waited a moment, hoping the words would land.

“It’s complicated, yes, but…” she paused, taking a breath, “but it doesn’t have to be. Like you said earlier, a lot happened today, and your emotions were pretty crazy and…we can forget it, ok? If that’s what you want, we can pretend it never happened.”

Nicole swallowed, “What do you want?”

“Me?”

“It’s not just me in this, is it?”

Waverly had to admit she was surprised. She hadn’t expected to be asked that question. She’d been prepared to shove her own feelings down and do whatever Nicole wanted or needed. Instead, she was being asked what she wanted.

“I…” she slid her hands between her knees, feeling herself curl in a bit from all the words she wanted to say, “I’m with Champ. Technically, I guess I’m still with him, but I…”

She took a deep breath and put her eyes down on the stone step.

“I like you, Nicole,” she admitted, not daring to lift her eyes to see her face or she knew she’d lose her nerve, “I’m…attracted to you. I have been since I met you. And I’ve never admitted to anyone else that I like girls. You’ve asked me why it seemed like I hated you? Part of it was because it felt like you were, I don’t know, taking my sister from me.”

She finally forced herself to look up at Nicole and found her eyes intently watching her, listening to every word without disruption.

“But it was also because I was scared.”

Nicole’s brows raised a bit, “Of me? I scare you?”

“The way I felt around you did. I was terrified that-that it would be obvious, and people would…see me. It was easier to keep that distance,” she laughed self-deprecatingly and blinked back tears, “So, short answer: I like you. My sister’s girlfriend, who’s obviously still so in love with her she sees her. You think you’re a mess? Look at me.”

She looked back down sadly while wiping her eyes.

“So, yeah, complicated is the word for it.”

Nicole swallowed, digesting everything she had just heard. It was a lot, and it didn’t make anything about their situation any easier.

“Grown-ups never understand anything for themselves,” she started quietly, “and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them.”

Waverly looked up at her, a mixture of shock and confusion on her face as she blinked.

“Is that…Did you just quote The Little Prince?”

Nicole clasped her hands together and leaned forward, elbows on her knees as she took a breath.

“You helped me find it. That’s how I met you,” she leaned her chin on her hands, “I really liked that book.”

Waverly couldn’t help the small smile that came to her face, “You remember that?”

“Of course, I do,” she answered, now the one avoiding Waverly’s eyes. Choosing instead to watch a flock of birds coasting across the sky, “A pretty girl helped me when I was confused. How could I forget?”

Waverly felt herself blush a bit at the compliment and ducked her head so Nicole wouldn’t notice if she looked back at her. She didn’t know how to respond to that but didn’t want to let the silence settle in again.

“I’m glad you liked the book.”

After another second, she heard Nicole take a deep inhale and had a feeling the lightness that just came was already about to be shattered.

“I like you, too,” she confessed quietly, “I didn’t mean to, I didn’t plan or hope for it. But I do.”

“Really?” she tried not to sound hopeful.

Nicole nodded and sniffled, “But I can’t. I shouldn’t. You’re Wynonna’s sister.”

Her hand quivered as she wiped her eye, and she shook her head. Sniffling again, she choked out her words.

“Wynonna’s sister,” she repeated, “And, you’re not just her sister but I…I can’t. I can’t. It’s like I’m being unfaithful to even admit that to you.”

“I get it,” Waverly said, her voice barely audible.

Nicole cleared her throat, “I can leave the homestead if you want. If that makes it easier. Can probably stay at Xavier’s until I figure something else out.”

“No, you don’t have to do that,” she told her, “Stay.”

Nicole swallowed and nodded, “Where does this leave us?”

“Hope for some children to explain it to us,” she smiled sadly, “Until we can understand for ourselves.”

X

Back at the homestead that evening, Nicole chose to skip dinner and the two shared subdued goodnights at the house before she made her way out to the barn.

“Hey, you,” she heard as soon as she entered.

“Wynonna,” she breathed out her name and practically ran to her, wrapping her in a tight hug and burying her face into her neck.

“You’re ok,” she said, holding her, “What’s wrong?”

Nicole waited a moment before stepping back, tears already present on her face.

“Where’ve you been all day?” she asked through her tears, “Where do you go when you’re not with me?”

Wynonna shrugged and answered vaguely, “Around.”

“Wynonna.”

“It’s not important, I just…keep myself busy.”

She looked at Nicole for a second, everything about her body language screaming for comfort.

“Come here,” she said softly, taking Nicole’s hand and leading her to the mattress.

She laid Nicole down and settled in behind her, wrapping her arms around her and holding her close. Nicole grabbed her hand and pulled it tighter as her breath started to come in short pants.”

“It’s ok,” Wynonna whispered in her ear, “It’s all gonna be ok. I promise.”

A heavy sob shook her body, nearly folding her in half as it burst from her.

“It’s ok,” Wynonna said again, “Let it out.”

“I don’t know what I’m doing.”

X

X

X

Chapter Text

Nicole was laid out on her bed with an arm draped across her eyes and her chest moving slowly up and down as she slept. She’d come in a pretty good mood after a team win and a private locker room celebration with Wynonna, only to be met with her mother ready with a needle to burst her bubble.

After enduring the latest verbal lashing about how useless she was, she’d shut herself away in her room and flopped down on the bed. Not bothering to change, she laid down and did her best to shove away the angry voice echoing around in her head. A feat made more difficult by the fact that she could hear her mother banging around in the house. Eventually she must’ve gone to bed or passed out and it got quiet enough for her to fall asleep.

She didn’t know how long she slept when she was jolted awake. She tumbled off the bed and to her feet, fists clenched ready to fight. Her heart raced from the sudden waking, and she looked around the dark room. After a second, she heard what must have caused her to wake so violently. A rapping at the window, too steady and purposeful to be an animal.

She turned on the lamp and approached the window carefully before relaxing at the familiar face waiting at the glass.

“Shit, Wynonna,” she blew out a breath and opened the window, “What the hell?”

“Hey, Punk,” she greeted with a smile as she started climbing in.

“Shh,” she instructed, helping her in quietly, “My mom’s home.”

“Why do you think I’m using the window?” she said and dusted herself off, “Miss me?”

“Always,” she told her with a quick kiss, then looked at her curiously, sensing something was off with her girlfriend, “What’s going on?”

“Nothing, just wanted to see you,” she said stepping close and pulling her in for another kiss.

Nicole happily returned it at first, but as it became more forceful and desperate, an alarm went off in her head. She pulled back a bit, placing her hands on Wynonna’s shoulders.

“Hey, what’s going on?” she asked again, “What’s this about?”

“I just want to be with you,” she said pulling at the hem of Nicole’s shirt, “Why does it have to be anything more?”

“It’s just-mmph,” her words were cut off by Wynonna’s lips smashing into hers again, knocking her onto the bed with Wynonna on top of her.

“Wynonna,” Nicole tried as she straddled her hips and slid her hands under her shirt, “what- “

“You want this right?” she asked, removing her own shirt and tossing it away, “Me?

She laid back down on top of her, running her hands over Nicole and kissing her way up her neck.

“Because this is what I’m good at, right? Making you feel good?” she said between kisses as Nicole swallowed down a moan, “This is what I’m good for.”

“Stop, stop!” Nicole forced out and pushed her back enough to slide out from under her and onto her feet.

As much as she was always ready to indulge in their healthy sex life, she knew that wasn’t the answer to whatever was going on, especially based on the words Wynonna was saying. She pushed her hair back with a sigh, only noticing once she was standing that at some point Wynonna had undone her jeans. Fixing them, she let out a breath and looked at Wynonna, sitting topless on the bed.

“What are you doing? Those things you were saying and- “she rubbed her face and softened her voice, “Baby, what’s going on?”

Then to her surprise, Wynonna started to cry.

X

Nicole’s eyes opened, feeling raw and dried out from crying herself to sleep. She blinked slowly, staring ahead of her at the sunlight creeping through the slits in the wood.

“You gotta get up,” Wynonna’s voice came gently from behind, speaking in her ear.

Nicole didn’t respond, staring ahead and staying silent except for the deep, solemn breath.

“It’s a new day, Punk,” Wynonna tried again, “You can’t stay in here all day.”

“Why not?” she asked, her voice a bit hoarse, “It’s simple in here. There’s nothing out there.”

“You know that’s not true. There’s plenty out there,” she assured, “Come on. Your dog? Right? Fixing up the truck. Going on all those adventures we talked about. Not to mention actual living people.”

“I don’t need other people,” Nicole said, holding her hand, “I have you.”

She felt the soft sigh dance over the back of her neck.

“Nicole,” she said softly, “Talk to me. Tell me what happened yesterday.”

She sniffed and let out a shaky breath.

“You know,” she said, “I know you do.”

“I do,” she said with a nod, adjusting her arms around Nicole, “And it’s ok.”

“It’s not.”

“It is.”

Nicole got to her feet suddenly.

“How-How is it ok?” she asked, then repeated angrier, “How is it ok, Wynonna?”

“Because it is,” she shrugged.

“No, it’s not!” she snapped, not knowing what to do with her frustration she gripped a handful of her own hair and pulled for a second, trying to ground herself, “I love you.”

“I know,” Wynonna said, standing to meet her and taking both of Nicole’s hands in her own, “I know you do. I love you too.”

“Then how can you say it’s ok?” she asked, looking at their joined hands, “How is it ok that I’m having these-these feelings for someone else? For your sister of all people?”

Wynonna raised their hands up to her lips and pressed a kiss to Nicole’s knuckles before holding it against her chest and speaking softly.

“Because I’m dead, Nicole.”

“Don’t- “she started to protest and tried to pull her hand away.

“Hey, no,” Wynonna said, holding firm so she couldn’t pull away, “Nicole, listen to me please. Every single second we had since we met, it was…everything. Everything. More than I ever could have asked for.”

She brought a hand up to lay against Nicole’s cheek.

“I love you, Nicole. I love you in letters a hundred miles high,” she smiled with watery eyes, “And that’s why it’s ok. Because you deserve to be loved that much again; more even. It’s all I want for you.”

“To forget you?” she asked barely able to get the words out.

“As if you could, dummy,” she teased, poking her forehead with a small laugh before getting serious again, “I’m not talking about forgetting, I’m talking about giving yourself the opportunity to be happy.”

“But I’m- “Nicole swallowed, “I’m happy with you.”

Wynonna gave her a small smile and pulled her in for a hug, holding her close and letting out a quiet sigh before speaking.

“I know.”

X

Nicole took a breath and knocked on the bedroom door.  She only had to wait a few moments before it opened to reveal Waverly still in her pajamas with sleep tussled hair.

“Nicole?” she asked in surprise, her voice still heavy with sleep. Nicole had to take a moment, stuck on how painfully adorable she was.

“Hey, uh, I didn’t realize you were still sleeping. I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s fine,” she assured, scratching her scalp and mussing her hair even more, “I’m usually up by now but, I was up pretty late. Thinking, you know.”

“Yeah.”

A silence settled for a few minutes as they looked at each other until Waverly seemed to shake herself out of it.

“Um, did you need something?”

“Yeah, I,” she cleared her throat and reached in her pocket, “I wanted to give this back to you.”

She held out the necklace for her to take.

“Oh,” Waverly started to reach for it instinctively but hesitated, “Are you sure? You gave it to her; don’t you want to keep it?”

Nicole looked at the key for a moment before nodding.

“I’m sure,” she confirmed, “You should have it, something to…to keep her close. You deserve it.”

“What about you?” Waverly asked while carefully accepting it. Nicole shoved her hands in her pockets and shrugged a bit.

“I don’t need it to have her close.”

“Right,” Waverly nodded awkwardly, “Because you…right.”

“Yeah,” another stretch of silence hit before she looked down the hall, “Well, uh, I’ll leave you to…go back to sleep or get to whatever you have going on today.”

“Ok,” she nodded quickly, “Yeah, I should probably get up. Start the day, you know.”

“Yeah. You know I…” she started but cleared her throat and changed her mind, “I’ll leave you to it then.”

“Uh, good morning,” Waverly offered.

“Good morning, Waverly.”

She turned and headed down the hall, Waverly watching her from the doorway until Nicole reached the stairs and looked back at her. She paused as they made eye contact once more. Waverly gave her a tiny smile and lifted a hand a bit as if waving. Nicole mirrored the action, waiting until Waverly backed into the room and closed the door.

Nicole lowered her hand slowly and saw Wynonna standing at the bottom of the stairs looking up at her with a sad smile.

X

X

X

Chapter Text

Nicole glanced around the area, on the lookout for any staff that might see as she reached the door, held open just a crack by a pencil wedged between it and the doorjamb.  She grinned to herself at the sight as she grabbed one end of it to keep it from falling as she opened the door just wide enough to slip through. Her grin growing into a full smile when she stepped outside and saw Wynonna already there.

“Skipping class, Earp?” she asked jokingly while closing the door back against the pencil once more, “What would Lucado say?”

Wynonna blew out a plume of smoke and smirked as she tapped the end of her cigarette, “She’d say ‘Earp your ass looks great in those jeans.”

“If she did, we’d have a bigger problem on our hands than smoking behind the gym,” Nicole chuckled as she moved to stand next to her, “Sharing?”

“It is caring,” Wynonna said, holding the stick out to her. She watched Nicole indulge for a moment before asking, “Well, does it?”

“What?”

“Come on, Punk,” she turned her back to her and lifted her jacket above her waist, “Ass plus jeans equals?”

Nicole looked, hoping she wasn’t staring as hard as she thought she was. Realizing she’d been silent for too long when Wynonna looked back over her shoulder. She cleared her throat and brought her eyes up to Wynonna’s.

“It’s great.”

“Yeah?”

“Top shelf,” she gave the cigarette to her as Wynonna turned back around completely.

She looked intensely at Nicole as she took a drag and let the ensuing smoke swirl between them before she carelessly dropped the cigarette to the concrete and took a step closer, “I have a question.”

“Yeah?”

Nicole watched her step into her space, a slow smile creeping across her face as she did.

“Nicole…” she started, her hands coming up to the open collar of her flannel.

Nicole licked her lips, looking down at how close they were.

“You called me Nicole.”

Wynonna’s eyebrow quirked and her hands curled around the fabric at her neck, “Why haven’t you kissed me yet?”

Nicole felt her lips pull back and brought her hands to rest on Wynonna’s hips.

“Maybe I was waiting for you to kiss me.”

“Really, now. Should we fix that?” she asked, stepping forward again, moving Nicole back to rest against the door.

“Definitely.”

They did exactly that. Wynonna’s lips met hers, slow and soft. Weeks of flirting and lingering looks, wondering if she was reading the situation right, all came together. It grew heated and Nicole’s hands gripped tighter, pulling Wynonna’s hips to press against her own. They pulled apart when they heard a crack and a clatter.

They looked and saw half of the pencil now laying on the ground and the door completely shut behind Nicole.

“Oops,” Wynonna said with a coy grin, “Looks like we’re locked out.”

“Looks like,” Nicole agreed, her hands sliding up Wynonna’s back, “What do you want not do about it?”

“Well, we could go around the front and hope no one sees us sneaking back in, or…” she stretched out the word, sliding a lock of fiery hair behind her ear, “We could get out of here.”

Nicole pressed her tongue into her cheek to keep her smile under control and she looked around quickly before taking Wynonna’s hand and tilting her head.

“Come on.”

X

The metal groaned a bit as Nicole lifted the truck’s hood up. Once she was sure it wouldn’t fall back on her head, she leaned over to see what she was dealing with. After a few minutes of poking, prodding, and inspection, Wynonna popped up.

“What’s the diagnosis, doc?” she asked, standing on her toes behind Nicole and peering over her shoulder.

“I’d say new battery for sure, look at this corrosion,” she pointed to the build up around the connector points, “I can clean the connectors off, see if they need replaced too. Serpentine belt looks ready to go. Other than that, looks like it might be mostly cosmetic. Clean it up, check the fluids, it just might be ready to ride.”

“Mm,” she said, leaning her chin on her shoulder, “Love it when you talk sexy like that.”

“Yeah, so sexy.”

Wynonna chuckled and ruffled Nicole’s hair before stepping back.

“So how long do you think it will take to get this girl roaring again?”

“Day or two once I get the parts,” she shrugged, “But getting them is what’ll take longer. I spent almost everything on the damage costs.”

“Yeah, that wasn’t the smartest move,” she pointed out, “Felt good though, right?”

Nicole smiled, “Yeah, it did.”

She closed the hood and leaned back against it.

“Guess I can go back to Al,” she thought out loud, “I never officially quit or anything, he just kind of let me take all this time after the hospital. I got so focused on the fence and everything, I never went back.”

“Yeah,” Wynonna agreed, “It would also give you an excuse to avoid a certain someone. Maybe you know who I’m talking about. Brown hair, about 5’3”, jawline for days?”

Nicole sighed and pulled out her cigarettes. She looked up at the house for a moment, before focusing on the box again. She opened the lid and started to take one out before pausing, as if considering something quietly in her head. She heard a car approach, followed by two short honks, and saw Rosita coming to a stop.

She tossed the carton on top of the hood and walked over as she was getting out of the car.

“Hey Haught,” she greeted with a smile, “What’s shaking?”

Nicole gave a little shrug in place of an answer, “What brings you by?”

“Oh, you know, I was in the neighborhood. Thought I’d pop by.”

“The neighborhood, huh?” she repeated skeptically, glancing to Wynonna who had lifted a curious eyebrow, “The nearest neighbor is how far?”

Rosita put her hands on her hips and clicked her tongue, “Ok busted. Truth is I wasn’t sure you’d answer if I called, so I figured face to face would be better.”

“Better for what?”

“I…heard about the mess with your mom at Pussy Willows, wanted to see how you’re doing.”

“I’m fine,” she answered, and when she saw the look on Rosita’s face, she continued, “Seriously, the stuff with my mom, the whole thing is done. I made it pretty clear, so nothing to worry about there.”

“That’s great!” she said genuinely glad to hear it, “I’m happy for you.”

“Thanks,” she nodded and looked around, “So you can go tell Jeremy or whoever else pushed you to come ask.”

“It’s not like that,” she denied, “I actually had to convince him not to come with me. I didn’t want it to seem like we were ganging up or something.”

“I appreciate that,” she nodded, then after a moment, “Well then, is there anything else?”

“Actually, there was something,” she started, “I wanted to remind you about Xavier’s going away party. It’s tomorrow.”

“Right, X called a few days ago and mentioned it.”

Rosita nodded, happy to hear she was talking to him, “Good. So, you’re coming.”

“Yeah,” she answered, sounding unsure despite the positive answer, “Can’t let him go without seeing him off, right?”

“Totally.”

Nicole looked at Wynonna for a second, watching as she gestured to Rosita. As if she knew the quiet thought that had come to her and was encouraging her to follow through. Of course, she knew, she always knew what she was thinking, even though she pretended not to in order to get Nicole to talk.

“Hey,” she said after a second, “Do you…do you have a few minutes? I mean, like, are you in a hurry or anything?”

“Got nowhere to be right now,” she assured, “What’s up?”

Nicole glanced around for a second, shoving her hands in her pockets, “Can I talk to you about something? I don’t know, get your opinion?”

“Sure.”

A short time later the two were sitting in the grass, Dozer’s head resting on her lap as Nicole shared the whole complicated story minus Wynonna’s current role. Rosita listened quietly as she struggled through confessing her conflicted feelings. When she finished, Rosita blew out a breath and ran a hand through her hair.

“Well, that is…complicated.”

“Tell me about it,” Nicole plucked a blade of grass out of the ground and tore it into small pieces, “What do you think?”

“What do I think?” she repeated, rubbing her hands over crossed legs and picked her words carefully, “I think…I think you’ve been through a lot and if you’re in a place now where you’re…having these kinds of feelings for someone again, it’s a good thing.”

“But” she looked down in her lap and ran her fingers over Dozer’s ear, “Isn’t it too soon to be thinking about someone else like this?”

“I don’t think there’s a time frame for this stuff,” Rosita told her and then looked at her with a sad smile, “It’s almost a year now.”

“Yeah,” she said quietly, looking over to where Wynonna was laying in the grass not far from them. She sighed and rubbed her face, “It’s her sister.”

Rosita lifted her shoulders in a small shrug, “I get that it complicates it, but it’s not like you can help how you feel or who you feel it for, right?”

“I just…I feel like it’s some kind of betrayal to Wynonna,” she admitted, “Like I’m cheating on her.”

Rosita put a hand on her leg and gave it a squeeze, “You can’t cheat on a ghost, Nicole.”

Her eyes widened a bit and even Wynonna lifted her head in surprise.

“Ghost?” she asked, wondering how Rosita could know.

“You know what I mean,” she clarified, “The memory of her.”

“Oh,” Nicole said, understanding she hadn’t meant it literally, “So, what? You think I should…pursue it?”

“I think you should keep yourself open to the opportunity. You’re having these feelings for a reason, you so let yourself have them,” she advised, “But go slow, you have a lot to work out for yourself still.”

Nicole let out a humorless chuckle, “Thanks.”

After a few beats of silence, Rosita spoke again, “You know, after the accident, I went to therapy for a while.”

“You did?” she asked.

“Yeah, between the grief and the guilt, trust me you weren’t the only one who was messed up.”

“Guilt?” she wondered in surprise, “Over what?”

“Come on, Haught. It was my car. I was hanging with her, drink for drink, and I still gave her the keys. Hell yeah, I felt guilty.”

Nicole hadn’t considered that.

“I didn’t know you felt that way,” she said quietly, “I’m sorry.”

It was Rosita’s turn to chuckle, shaking her head as she spoke.

“I know you think the blame is on your, Nicole, but there are a thousand ways that night could have gone differently. A thousand right turns that could have been lefts. It’s ridiculous to try to point at one person or one thing and say that’s the one that did it.”

Nicole shook her head and wiped her eyes.

“Wow, you have been in therapy,” she joked awkwardly, “I’m glad it helped you.”

“It did,” she nodded, “Have you thought about giving it a try?”

“Oh, um, no,” she answered, “Waverly’s hinted at it, but I don’t think it’s for me.”

“Why not?”

“Just that,” she glanced at Wynonna again, “I don’t think my situation is something talking to a therapist would help.”

“Well, keep it in mind,” she told her, “You never know.”

Dozer’s head suddenly popped up, looking as the jeep came down the street and turned into the driveway. He let out an excited bark, hopping to his feet and running over as Waverly got out.

“Likes her huh?” Rosita asked with a laugh.

“More than me, I’m starting to think.”

With a laugh, Rosita patted a hand on Nicole’s leg before pushing herself up.

“I guess that’s my cue,” she declared as Nicole got up as well.

They crossed the grass towards the driveway as Waverly approached, smiling at Dozer’s excited accompanying steps.

“Hey Rosie, what’s up?”

“Not much Little Earp,” she answered brightly, as if they hadn’t been having such a heavy conversation, “Just stopped by to see this stranger for a bit.”

“Sticking around?” she asked, “Always room for one more at the table.”

“Ah, thanks but I should head out.”

“Ok,” she nodded, “Eventually you’ll have to stick around for more than a minute or Gus will think you don’t like her.”

“Pinky swear,” she said with a laugh, “I’ll see you around and Haught, I’ll see you tomorrow. Think about what I said, huh?”

Nicole gave her a nod and Rosita left with a wave.

“Tomorrow?” Waverly asked Nicole, “You guys have plans?”

“Xavier’s going away party,” she informed her, “She came to make sure I didn’t forget.”

“Oh cool,” she said, looked down at Dozer, his wagging tail thumping against her leg as he looked up between the two of them, “Well, should be fun, right? I’m sure Rosita won’t let him leave without making it the best party possible.”

“Right,” she agreed. Licking her lips, she considered saying the words on her tongue but hesitated. When she finally decided to do it, it was at the same time as Waverly.

“Do you want to- ““I should- “

They both stopped, Waverly chuckling while Nicole ducked her head a bit with a small grin.

“Go ahead.”

“No, you please,” Waverly insisted.

Nicole scratched the back of her head and cleared her throat before trying again.

“Do you want to come? To the party?” she asked, “With me?”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” she said with a shrug, “I mean, I owe you right? After I kind of ruined the fun hang out you tried to do. Plus, you know him too. It’s only fair you’re there to say goodbye with everyone. We can go as friends or-or whatever. And I haven’t been to a party since that night, and it would be nice to have someone- “

“Nicole,” she interrupted the continuing rant with a smile, “I’d love to.”

“Cool,” she nodded, feeling a little ridiculous.

She saw Wynonna standing behind Waverly, smiling at her.

X

X

X

Chapter Text

“Military?” Nicole repeated, “That’s intense.”

“Yeah. You know, I’ve thought about it a lot,” Xavier answered, “It’s what I want to do.”

They were sitting as a group on the deck of the Dolls’ house, enjoying the nice day and chatting; the conversation recently turning to the topic of their futures. Nicole and Wynonna were on the rocking bench, Wynonna mostly in her lap. Rosita was lounging in the matching chair while Xavier and Jeremy were around the frosted glass table.

“You’re not wanting to do it ‘cause of the sergeant, are you?” Rosita asked with a tilted head, referring to Xavier’s father, a retired army veteran.

“No,” he shook his head, “He, uh, he was actually pretty upset when I told him about it. You know, he dealt with a lot of serious stuff from his time and didn’t want it for me. But we had a long talk about it, and he’s mostly come around to the idea. At least he’s accepted it’s what I want to do. What about you?”

“Chemistry, for sure,” Rosita said without hesitation, “Berkeley’s the dream, but I think I’ll probably go to State to stay close enough to visit Abuela regularly.”

“Same!” Jeremy said proudly then added quickly, “Not the Abuela part, but local science bros!”

He held up his hand, a goofy smile on his face as she indulged him with an air-five from across their little circle.

“Local science bros,” she agreed with a smile, then turned to Nicole and reached her leg out to nudge her with her foot, “What about you, Haught?”

“With my non-existent college fund? Hope ball takes me somewhere, I guess,” she shrugged, “Otherwise, probably end up kicking around this place forever. You all can find me tending bar or something when you come back to visit.”

“No way,” Rosita said, “Trust me, we’ll be seeing you raking in the endorsement dollars when you’re a big-time baller.”

Nicole chuckled as Jeremy and Xavier agreed enthusiastically and rubbed her hand over Wynonna’s leg.

“Sure.”

“Wynonna?” Rosita asked, “Your turn.”

Wynonna seemed to be spaced out and didn’t acknowledge the question. Nicole noticed she’d become quiet over the course of the conversation and squeezed her calf gently.

“Babe?”

“Hmm?”

“After school,” Rosita reminded, “What’s on your post-grad road?”

Wynonna sat up straighter and looked around at everyone for a moment. Eventually setting her eyes on Xavier.

“X, what’s the deal, thought you said the Sergeant was gonna be barbequing?”

He nodded with a grin and stood up, “I’ll see what the ETA is.”

“Easy with the lingo,” Rosita teased with a soft smack as he walked by her, “You’re not a soldier yet.”

With a laugh and a nod, he went into the house; Nicole waiting until the door shut behind him to lean close to Wynonna and ask her quietly:

“You ok?”

“Mmhmm,” she hummed and slid her fingers through Nicole’s hair, “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You’re quiet,” she pointed out, circling her arms loosely around her stomach, “Deflecting.”

Wynonna shook her head, “Just hungry.”

Nicole’s face wrinkled a bit with worry. She took a second to look at the others still on the deck, making sure they weren’t paying attention.

“Are you sure?”

Wynonna put on a smile and tapped a finger against Nicole’s chin, “Yep.”

“Wy- “her words were interrupted when the door opened and Xavier and his dad came out with trays of food for the grill.

“Heard I got some hungry people out here,” Mr. Dolls said with the same bright smile his son inherited.

“You heard right, Sergeant,” Wynonna declared, swinging her legs off Nicole.

She skipped away from her and over to meet him at the grill, her enthusiasm a little too forced for Nicole to believe something wasn’t bothering her. Her eyes remained on her for a few moments as she talked to the sergeant.

When Nicole finally pulled her eyes away, she found Rosita watching her, the look on her face telling her she’d noticed as well. Nicole shrugged helplessly, pulling out a cigarette and leaning back against the bench.

X

Standing in front of the old mirror in the barn, Nicole finished buttoning the shirt. She looked at her reflection as she adjusted the collar with a deep breath.

“Nervous?”

“Shitting my pants,” she answered right away, tugging on the cuffs and then the hem in an effort to straight out any wrinkles it may have.

“Because of Waverly?”

“Waverly, Xavier, seeing everyone again, the idea of a party and the people…” she listed off, “All of it.”

“You’ll be fine,” she assured.

Wynonna stepped in between her and the mirror, needlessly adjusting the collar as well.

“This is a good color on you,” she commented, laying her hands on her chest, “Blue really compliments you; brings out your hair. I ever tell you that?”

Nicole smiled and ran a hand through her hair at the mention of it.

“I need to cut it.”

Wynonna smiled, pulling Nicole’s hand away from her hair and holding it in hers.

“You look perfect,” she told her, kissing her knuckles, “Now put on your party hat, Punk. Don’t want to leave everyone waiting.”

She nodded and, with one more glance in the mirror, made her way to the door. She paused just before exiting when she noticed Wynonna hadn’t moved.

“Aren’t you coming?”

“Nah,” she waved her hand, “Tonight’s about you having fun.”

Nicole’s eyebrows scrunched in confusion, and she walked back over.

“You’re fun.”

“I just mean, I want you to be able to let loose a little. Without worrying about me or whether or not someone will wonder who you’re talking to. You know?”

“But…what about you?”

“I will be fine. So, smooth out that worry wrinkle,” she said, rubbing the pad of her thumb over Nicole’s forehead, “Just like that, yep, and have fun. Besides, I got my own things to do for…entertainment.”

“Like what?” Nicole asked, taking her hand.

“Just things,” she said vaguely, “You know I have a life, too. Well, in a manner of speaking.”

“Will you tell me later, at least?” Nicole asked seriously, “What you do when- “

“I promise. When the time is right, I’ll tell you all about it,” she told her, then pat her shoulder, “Now go. Your date’s probably waiting.”

“It’s not- “

“Whatever you want to call it,” she interrupted, “Go. I’m serious. Have fun.”

“Ok, ok, I’m going,” she said with a laugh and started backing up, letting her arm extend to keep hold of her until she had to drop it. When Wynonna’s hand slipped out of hers, she gave her a little smile, “You know I’ll miss you.”

Wynonna smiled back and nodded her head.

“You’ll be fine.”

Nicole turned around and walked to the house, taking one more deep breath before she went inside. She found Gus alone in the living room, Waverly no where in sight. She approached the couch, trying not to let herself feel disappointment at the prospect of Waverly changing her mind.

When she came upon the back of the couch, her nerves were momentarily forgotten; distracted by the discovery that Gus wasn’t actually alone. She was sitting on the couch, a book in one hand and the other absently rubbing Dozer’s exposed belly. He laid on his back, legs lazily above him and tongue hanging out of the side of his mouth, totally content with the action.

“Hello,” Nicole said, announcing her presence to the scene with a smirk.

Gus jumped in surprise, having not heard her come in.

“Oh, Nicole,” she said, then quickly nudged Dozer to get off, causing him to roll over and hop down, shaking out his fur before sitting down in front of her.

“Don’t let me interrupt, now,” she chuckled as the walked around to take a seat in the recliner.

“You ain’t interrupting anything,” she denied, “Checking for ticks, that’s all. Lord knows what he gets into being wild as all hell.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Don’t look at me like that, girl.”

“Like what?” she asked, trying to hold back her smile.

“Like you caught me with my hand in the till,” Gus elaborated.

Nicole held her hands up in surrender and leaned back in the chair. Picking at a loose thread on the arm it, she asked, “Where’s Waverly?”

“Upstairs. Getting ready.”

Nicole nodded at her words, wondering if the relief was noticeable on her face. Whether it was or wasn’t, Gus paused for a moment before taking the opportunity to speak.

“I been meaning to talk to you,” she said calmly, though her words set Nicole’s spine straight. She cleared her throat and rubbed her palms together.

“About what?”

“This place is getting on in years, can’t hardly turn a corner without finding something needin’ fixing or replacing,” she explained, “You did such a good job on the fence, figure you might be up to taking on some more projects. If you like, of course.”

Nicole’s mouth dropped a bit in surprise before she laughed awkwardly.

“Gus, I’m not, I mean, I’m not a professional or anything. Wouldn’t you rather- “

“You might not be a professional, but you know your way around tools, don’t ya?” she argued, “Now I could go out and find a contractor every time something happens, or I could have my own in-house handyman right here. I’d pay you, of course, and if you were interested, we can get you in classes at the annex to learn anything else, even see about getting you licensed.”

“That’s…that’s very kind of you, Gus,” she cleared her throat again and scratched her temple, “I’m happy to do what I can, but those classes cost money and I…what you gave me for the fence…”

“Heard what I said?” she cut in, “I said, ‘we’ didn’t I?” she pointed out, “I’ve told you again and again, I will keep telling you ‘til it gets through your head, you aren’t alone anymore.”

Nicole let out a shaking breath and ran a hand across her mouth before managing to get the words out.

“You would…” she took another breath as her voice quivered, “You’d do that for me?”

Gus stood and stepped over to stand in front of her. She set her hand against the cheek and looked at the girl watching her through wet eyes.

“Yes, sweetheart,” she said softly, “You’re kin, hear? You’re family. You and that beast of yours.”

Nicole let out a watery laugh and shook her head.

“Gus, I…I can never…thank you enough for everything you’ve done.”

“No thanking necessary,” she promised, “You made my niece happy.”

She looked up when she heard footsteps on the stairs and then back to her.

“Both of them,” she winked and stepped aside to allow Nicole the view of Waverly stepping off the landing.

She quickly swiped her fingers beneath her glasses and sniffed once before standing up and straightening her shirt again as she took in the sight of Waverly.

In a floral sundress, hair half up and a nervous smile on her face, she walked towards her. Nicole self-consciously combed through her hair with her hand.

“Hi.”

“H-Hey. You look…” Nicole trailed off as she gestured towards Waverly.

“You too,” Waverly smiled, “I like your shirt. It’s a nice color.”

“Yeah?” Nicole looked down at herself for a second, “I’ve been told it’s good on me.”

“You were told correct.”

Nicole felt herself blush a bit and bit her lip before Dozer barked, drawing everyone’s attention towards him.

“I guess I’ll see to him,” Gus said, her reluctance on obvious show to Nicole, who didn’t try to hold back her grin again, “You two go on. Have a good time. And tell that boy to take care of himself, or else he’ll hear from me.”

“Will do, Gus.”

Waverly stepped over and kissed her aunt on the cheek.

“Won’t be too late.”

“You’re smart kids,” she said, “Come back when you’re ready as long as you come back safe.”

Waverly nodded, knowing that this could very well be difficult for Gus to a degree as well. It wasn’t incredibly long ago she’d seen Wynonna off to a party, not knowing it was the last time she’d walk out the door.

“Promise.”

“Good,” Gus said then pointed at Nicole, “You, too. You have fun and stay safe.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Nicole nodded as well and then they were off. Gus followed to the door. She crossed her arms and leaned against the doorjamb as she watched them get in the jeep. She glanced down at Dozer who’d come to stand sit beside her.

“What are we gonna do with them, huh?” she asked the dog looking up at her. She knelt down in front of him and scratched behind his ears. With a sigh, she shook her head, “You don’t have a thought behind those eyes, do you?”

His tongue dropped out of his mouth at her question, and she chuckled, “All right, come on you. Think we still got some of that roast your mama pretends she doesn’t sneak you.”

He barked and the two of them walked back into the house.

X

X

X

Chapter Text

Nicole pulled her car up to the Earp house, glad to have it running again. The last thing she needed for the visit was to show up sweaty and tired from a bike ride, or worse, needing to call for a ride which she was sure would already start her off with a mark against her. She flexed her fingers around the steering wheel before grabbing the bottle from the passenger seat and heading towards the porch.

Wynonna had said to just let her herself in when she came, but even so she knocked and waited. She was sure if Wynonna said it was ok, then it would be, but she didn’t want to risk getting off on the wrong foot with her mom. The woman was in town briefly in between rodeo shows and apparently insisted on meeting the girlfriend that had been mentioned during previous calls. Nicole desperately wanted to make a good impression, knowing from Wynonna that the woman wasn’t one to hold back how she felt about someone.

Hence the whiskey, which Wynonna said was her favorite and would give her a leg up if she wanted one. She ran her hand nervously through her hair as she waited. The door opened and she automatically stood at attention, relaxing a bit when she saw it was Gus who answered.

“Hi, Gus.”

The woman chuckled and crossed her arms, “Well, damn if you don’t look like you’re marching to the gallows.”

“Sorry, kinda nervous.”

Gus chuckled and gave her a pat on the arm, “Don’t be. You’re a good kid and you clean up nice to boot. You’ll be fine. Take a breath and come inside, we’re about ready to sit for dinner.”

Nicole nodded and stepped over the threshold to follow her. Once inside she could hear a lively debate already in progress in the kitchen.

“You butter them before you put them in, Wynonna.”

“Nooo, because maybe not everyone wants butter on their rolls,” she argued back, “Shouldn’t a vegan know that?”

“The butter is vegan. You brush the rolls and then heat them, so they get nice and golden. It’s called a glaze,” she stated.

Nicole rounded the corner just as an unfamiliar voice cut into the argument.

“Knock it off, you two,” the woman said, “Wynonna, your sister’s right.”

“Fine,” she declared, letting the tray clang on the counter, “Have at it then, Great British Bitch Off.”

“Hey!” Gus said, announcing their presence, “None of that, now. Wynonna, your guest is here.”

Wynonna looked over, mouth already open to retort before her eyes landed on Nicole and her face lit up.

“There you are,” she said with a smile and walked over to greet her with a quick kiss, “Hello.”

“Hi,” she answered quietly before her eyes went to the woman cutting vegetable for a salad.

Wynonna noticed and took her empty hand in hers, “Come on.”

She led her to the island to stand across the woman.

“Mama,” she started with her own nervous smile, “This is Nicole. Nicole, Mama.”

The woman settled her eyes on her, and Nicole made a conscious effort not to fidget. Graying blonde hair pulled into a loose braid, lines of wrinkles around hard eyes. She wiped her palm against her leg before extending it towards her.

“Nice to meet you, Ms. Earp.”

“Gibson,” she corrected, not making a move to accept the handshake.

“Right,” Nicole winced, she knew that. It was a stupid slip up, so much for a good first impression, “Sorry. Um, this is for you.”

She held the bottle out which she did accept and looked at the label silently.

“Isn’t that nice, Mama? Nicole got your favorite,” Wynonna said when the woman didn’t speak right away.

“Yes,” she finally said, “So, you’re either too old to be dating my teenage daughter or this was ill-gotten. Which is it?”

“No, I-I’m not…I just…” she cleared her throat, “Wynonna said it was your favorite, so- “

“Did she now?” she asked, “And what else did she tell you to try to get you on my good side?”

“Mama,” Wynonna hissed.

“I…she- “

“She tell you I love busting balls?”

“Um.”

The woman’s face cracked, and she let out a string of laughter, confusing Nicole even further.

“Michelle,” Gus admonished, “You’re gonna give the girl a heart attack.”

She continued laughed for a few seconds and slapped the countertop, “I’m just messing with you, girl.”

“Oh,” Nicole breathed out, forcing an awkward laugh as well.

“Ok,” Wynonna rolled her eyes, “Are you done?”

Michelle’s laughter slowed down and she reached over to shove Nicole’s shoulder a bit.

“Relax,” she instructed and then held up the bottle, “This is very nice. Thank you. Now, if you really want to get on my good side, finish this salad for me. Mama’s gonna step out for a smoke.”

“I thought you were going to quit,” Waverly said from the stove, “You know it’s bad for you. Plus, it’s disgusting.”

Michelle clicked her tongue as she took off the apron.

“Calm down, honey. I said I was gonna and I’m gonna, didn’t say when,” she pointed at Nicole, “You, chop-chop, let’s go.”

Nicole nodded right away, “Yes, ma’am.”

She took up her former spot to do as she asked. Wynonna sidled up beside her, reaching up to lean an elbow on her shoulder and grinned.

“She likes you.”

X

There was already a small crowd when they arrived at The Glory Hole. Mercedes had convinced, or more likely paid, the owner to allow them to rent it for the private party, no doubt annoying some of the night owls in town. The owner, a smarmy, well-dressed man with impossibly coifed hair she’d seen around here and there, apparently had no problem letting them use the place and keeping the bar operating with one of his bartenders. She supposed if money talked, nobody in Purgatory spoke as loud as the Gardners.

“Wow,” Waverly said as they entered, looking around at the decorations and different stations set up for games and photo ops, “They really went all out.”

“Yeah, with Mercedes and Rosita at the helm, there’s no such thing as half-assed.”

“Talk about ass and a half,” she said, making Nicole look at her, surprised to hear the familiar phrase from her.

Waverly caught her look and smirked proudly, “You didn’t think she came up with that one on her own, did you?”

“Really?” she asked, amused.

“Don’t get me wrong, she was the queen of witty comebacks,” she poked her chest playfully, “That one was all me. I said it in an argument, and she laughed so hard we forgot why we were fighting.”

“Impressive,” Nicole said with a grin.

“I can be occasionally.”

“More often than you think,” she said softly.

“Haughtie!” the voice shouted a split second before Nicole felt a weight crash onto her as Rosita seemingly came from nowhere to jump on her back.

Instinctively, Nicole’s hands moved back to catch under her legs and keep her from falling; essentially ending up in a piggyback situation.

“You came!” Rosita said, just as loud against her ear, making Nicole wince as she smacked her cheek with few times.

“Ok,” Nicole said and put her down, looking at her friend who was clearly already drunk, “Get a head start?”

“Just tested a few cocktails with Mercedes and Kate. They got some strong shit here,” she said and then repeated, “You came!”

“Yeah, I said I would.”

“But I didn’t know for sure if you actually would,” she then noticed Waverly and threw her arm around her neck, essentially putting her in a headlock, “And you brought Little Earp!”

She rubbed her head, making a mess of her neatly done hair as Waverly squirmed under the choice of affection, “I’m so happy you guys are here!”

“Ok, ok,” Nicole stepped to the rescue, pulling her off the girl with ease, “How many of those cocktails have you had?”

“A few,” she answered and then pulled Nicole in for a tight hug, “I’ve missed you so much. You know that?”

Nicole smiled softly and returned the hug wordlessly for a few moments before patting her back and pulling away.

“So, when is the guest of honor showing himself?”

“Soon, he’s on his way. Oh!” she said suddenly remembering something, “Get ready for when he comes, ok? We’re saluting.”

“Saluting?” Waverly asked.

“Yeah. We can’t exactly shout surprise for a party he knows about, so we’re all going to salute instead. We can like, show our support for him going off to be a big hero man.,” she noticed something that apparently needed her attention and started backing up, “I’ll catch you guys later. Get some drinks. Have some fun!”

Nicole gave her a slight wave of acknowledgement and turned back to Waverly.

“Ass and a half, right?”

“Maybe two whole asses at this rate,” Waverly chuckled.

Nicole couldn’t help but smile a bit at the sight of her messy hair underneath the neon light of the club.

“Here, let me,” she offered, stepping closer and helping to get her hair under control; trying not to focus on the way the smooth strands felt between her fingers, “Sorry about all that.”

“It’s fine,” Waverly managed after a moment. She stared up at her, reaching her hand into her hair to help, “Thanks.”

Her hand found Nicole’s and she gently pulled it down, keeping her hold on it as she saw Nicole look around anxiously for a second.

“Are you ok?” she asked.

“Just a little nervous,” she answered, getting a small smile of understanding from Waverly, “I’ll be ok.”

“Ok. We can leave whenever you want,” she promised, “But remember, these are your friends, right?”

Nicole nodded and glanced around again, looking at the people mingling and milling about. She recognized pretty much everyone from school or around town. Though some were passing acquaintances or at the very least not enemies of any kind.  However, in a back corner, her eyes found Doc and she instantly looked away before he could see her.

“Most of them,” she commented. She guessed the others may still have some sort of relationship, however tenuous, with him. She would just make a point to avoid him as much as possible. She felt a squeeze around her hand and realized she was still holding Waverly’s, “Come on, let’s get drinks before it gets too crazy.”

She led them through everyone to the bar and was able to get the bartender’s attention pretty easily.

“Can I get a whisky sour, please?” Waverly asked, receiving a nod before he then looked to Nicole expectantly.

“Do you have lemonade?”

The man raised an eyebrow, “Lemonade what? Hard?”

“Just lemonade,” she confirmed.

“Yeah, I’ll get those for you.”

She stepped away and Waverly asked, “Lemonade?”

Nicole shrugged, “Figure, I’ll DD tonight.”

“No, hey, you should be the one going all out tonight,” Waverly reasoned, “He’s one of your best friends. I won’t drink, I’ll drive us.”

“No, Wave. Come on. I invited you. You should have fun,” she argued as the drinks were set in front of them.

“I can have plenty of fun without it,” she told her and grabbed Nicole’s ordered drink, leaving the other for her.

“Ok, how about,” she started, wrapping her hand around the glass in Waverly’s hand and switching it out, “a compromise. A few drinks for both of us, and hopefully we hang long enough to sober up by the time we leave. If we have to leave early, we’ll call Gus?”

“All right, deal,” Waverly agreed, “Does that mean you’re going to get something else, then?”

“You kidding? This looks delicious,” she smirked, “I’ll work up to something bigger. Cheers.”

Waverly clinked her glass to Nicole’s, and they took sips just as the music lowered and Rosita’s voice came from the small stage.

“Guys, he’s here! Get ready!”

Chatter died down and everyone turned to face the entrance, hearing the outer door open and close moments before Xavier walked in.

“Ten huts!” Rosita shouted and, as she’d said, everyone saluted.

Nicole and Waverly shared amused looks as they joined in. He stopped walking and looked around, clearly surprised before letting out a laugh. With a big smile, he casually returned the gesture and the crowd applauded and cheered for him.

Nicole watched as people descended, exchanging high fives or hugs or handshakes, all wishing him well. Waverly saw her looking at her friend and nudged her with her shoulder.

“You want to go talk to him?”

“Later,” she said without looking away, “he’s busy.”

She continued watching for a moment, wishing there weren’t so many people around so she could have a moment with him, but she was also glad to see him receiving so much love from everyone; ensuring he would know how much he would be missed. The music kicked back on, snapping Nicole out of it.

With Xavier’s arrival the party kicked into full gear. Everyone danced and drank and seemed to really be enjoying themselves. Nicole kept to her word and moved on to a beer once her lemonade was done, and the two found themselves at an arcade style basketball shootout game.

“Man, Mercedes really thought of everything,” Nicole said, running her hand along the side panel of the two-lane game.

“Yes, she did,” the very person she spoke of said, appearing beside Waverly, “Had to accommodate when I heard the all-star might be coming.”

“Hey Mercedes.”

“Hi,” she leaned in for a hug Nicole hadn’t been expecting and she barely moved to return it before it ended and Mercedes turned to the other girl, “Waverly.”

She moved and did the same to her.

“You look amazing girl,” she told her, stretching out the last word.

“This is a great party,” she said when they pulled apart.

“I do try,” she looked back to Nicole, “Can I steal you for a second?”

“Um,” she glanced first at Waverly who gave her a subtle nod, “Sure. I’ll be right back.”

They stepped away into a corner where Mercedes shooed off a couple using it for a heated make-out session.

“What’s up?” Nicole attempted nonchalance.

“Are you enjoying the party?” she asked.

“Yeah, yeah, it’s awesome. You guys did a great job.”

“Cool,” she nodded and then ran her fingers along the necklace she wore before taking a breath and continuing beyond small talk, “Look, I know we haven’t talked since, you know, that night. And I get it, you know, God knows why you would want to. But I figured, since who knows when I’ll have the chance again, I wanted to ask how you are and if there’s anything I could ever do, I mean anything, for you to forgive me.”

“Forgive you?” Nicole’s eyebrows gave away her confusion, “For what?”

“For everything that happened,” she explained, “For throwing that party. For suggesting that game. For letting everything get so out of hand that you guys left like you did. I totally get you blaming me, that’s fine, I just- “

“Mercedes,” she held up a hand, “I don’t-it wasn’t your fault. It isn’t your fault. None of it. I don’t blame you.”

She suddenly remembered her conversation with Rosita days before and learning that she had also assumed the blame was hers.

“Really?” Mercedes asked in an exhale and started fanning her face, “See, people said that, but I always thought…I mean hearing you say it, though…you’re not just being nice, are you?”

“No” she put her hands on her shoulders, “I never blamed you. Not for a second, I swear.”

“Oh my God, thank you,” she said with a shaky nod, “Really. It means so much. Still, though, if there’s ever anything I can do. Like anything; money or connections or-or fashion advice. You know I think I have a pretty good eye for lesbian chic.”

Nicole chuckled and squeezed her shoulders a little, “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Good. Good. Well, it’s a party, right?” she dabbed her fingers around her eyes and cleared her throat. Adjusting her breasts under her pink dress, put back on her party face, “Let’s hit it.”

Nicole laughed and the two split up. She returned to where she left Waverly and found her trying her hand at the game. She paused long enough to watch her shoot and the ball bounce off the rim.

“Ooh, at the buzzer,” she teased and walked over, “That’s rough.”

Waverly looked sheepish as she picked up another ball and tossed it to Nicole, “Show me how it’s done.”

Nicole looked at the orange ball in her hands and it dawned on her that it was the first time she’d even held one since before Wynonna died. Feeling the texture under her fingertips, she adjusted her grip before bouncing it a few times against the floor.

A smile tugged at her lips at the familiar feeling of handling it. Looking up at the basket at the end of the shooting lane, she licked her lips before taking up a shooting stance and letting it fly. The ball dropped effortlessly through, and she knew if it weren’t for the music, she’d be hearing the beautiful swish of the net.

With a full smile, she turned to Waverly for her response.

“Not fair, you make it look so easy.”

“Easy, huh?” she asked.

Nicole grabbed another ball and lined up the shot again, this time keeping her eyes on Waverly as she released without looking. She could tell by the look on her face that it had gone in as well.

“Ok, now you’re just showing off.”

Nicole grinned, “Maybe a little.”

She gave a ball back to Waverly and gestured for her to try again. Waverly did so, it smacked into the plastic backboard and ricocheted straight back at her. She squealed in surprise and covered her face, but Nicole was able to throw her hand out and deflect it back into the lane.

“Come on,” she whined and stamped her foot.

Nicole chuckled, “Your form is too tense. You’re overthinking.”

“Show me then,” she suggested, “Teach me your secrets, wise one.”

“Here,” she said with a chuckle and stepped forward, placing a ball in Waverly’s hands, “Feet shoulder-width apart.”

“Good,” she nodded her approval as Waverly adjusted accordingly, and stepped closer still, her hands started forward but hesitated a moment, “Can I?”

Waverly nodded and swallowed as she felt Nicole move to stand behind her and help guide her into a proper shooting stance.

“Ok, your shooting hand, dominant hand, right here just underneath at the back like this,” she carefully maneuvered Waverly’s hands around the ball, “the other here to steady it.”

Her arms stretched along Waverly’s as she moved her slowly through the shooting process.

“Don’t aim at the hoop itself, just above the rim at the center. Then it’s in the wrist here, like this. And when you release, the most important part,” she slowly moved her arms, manipulating Waverly’s and sending a shiver up her spine; feeling as though she were being held close and guided through an intimate dance as Nicole’s breath danced over her ear, “is the follow through. Like this.”

They finished the slow pantomime, and Waverly only realized she had been holding her breath when she felt Nicole step back, taking her body heat with her.

“Now try it.”

“Ok,” she cleared her throat, “Feet, shoulders, hands, aim aaaand follow through!” she finished as she shot that ball.

It bounced against the rim before falling in and Waverly threw her hands up in delight while Nicole whooped and clapped behind her.

“There you go!” she cheered as Waverly spun around and jumped into her arms for a hug. Nicole laughed as she held her up.”

“I did it!”

“Hell yeah, you did!” she praised, “MVP for sure!”

Waverly dropped back to her feet and looked up with a proud smile.

“Only because you’re such a good coach.”

“Well, I’d be proud to have you on my team any day,” she told her, “I told you, you’re impressive, Waverly Earp.”

“Back at you, Nicole Haught.”

Nicole smiled, reaching to tuck some hair back behind Waverly’s ear. Waverly continued to smile up at her, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth as she remembered the feeling of her body tucked around hers; bringing back the memory of the fierce kiss they’d shared.

“Yo, Haught!”

Nicole hadn’t realized she’d started leaning in until she had to pull up to look for the voice. She’d barely gotten a look before a set of hard hands shoved her away, unexpected and hard enough that she stumbled to the floor.

She started pushing herself up when she was shoved again, this time by the unmistakable heel of a boot forcing her back down and sending her glasses clattering against the floor.

“What the hell are you doing?!” she heard Waverly shout, “Stop!”

She heard the music cut off as her eyes frantically searched the surrounding floor for her glasses, but the club lighting and her poor vision made it difficult.

“You think I don’t know what you’ve been doing?” they yelled again, this time kicking her hard in the gut so that she rolled onto her back.

“Champ! Stop!”

Champ?

She squinted up at the looming figure above her and could vaguely tell it was Champ Hardy, though if she hadn’t heard his name, it was possible he could have been anyone. She thought she could hear footsteps hurrying over, several sets.

“You sick bitch!”

Nicole pushed up to her knees, knowing she had to make a move as she saw him advance again, but her body froze as it was suddenly Lydia coming at her ready to strike. From her spot on the floor, it was like she was a kid again, the monster in her house so much bigger than her.

Before a blow could land, however, the image of her mother-no, it was Champ- was suddenly blocked by another body stepping in front of her. The unforgettable sound of flesh striking flesh preceded a loud grunt and Champ fell to the floor.

Waverly was suddenly kneeling beside her, one hand on her back and the other handing over her glasses. Nicole took them gratefully while Waverly asked if she was hurt. Nicole couldn’t answer, too focused on putting her glasses back on as quickly as possible, desperate for the security of being able to see the danger. She looked up, expecting to see Xavier in the position of her savior.

However, the person currently standing protectively between her and the attack, fists clenched and held at the ready, was Doc Holliday.

X

X

X

Chapter Text

“You were in my dream last night,” Wynonna said, lifting her hand over her shoulder to pass the joint to her.

Nicole looked down at Wynonna, resting back against her chest as they sat on the makeshift nest on the basement floor.

“Oh yeah?” she asked, voice tight and breathless as she held the smoke in her chest for a moment. When she blew it out, she set the small bud in the bowl being used as the ash tray. Wrapping both her arms around Wynonna, she pressed her face into her hair, “What was I wearing?”

She felt her chuckle against her as she ran her hands over Nicole’s arms, “It wasn’t like that. It was weird.”

“Tell me about it.”

“I was in town, in the middle of the street,” she started, “Just standing there and all these people were walking by like I wasn’t there. I tried to get their attention, but nothing worked. It was like nobody could hear me, everyone just kept going forward. When I tried to grab some of them, it was like…like there was a window or some kind of glass I kept bumping into. Like I was stuck, and they all kept moving without noticing.”

“That’s intense,” she squeezed her tighter to offer comfort.

“It was,” she mumbled and trailed her finger over Nicole’s, “Then I saw you. You were walking like the rest of them, but when I called your name, you actually stopped. Turned around and saw me. You looked right at me and gave me that smile.”

She reached over her head and traced a hand blindly across her lips. Nicole pressed a kiss to the fingers.

“Of course, I did.”

“Yeah. When you did, the glass disappeared and I could move again,” she continued, “You started walking with everyone else, but I turned around and went the other way. Then I woke up.”

“Huh.”

“Like I said, it was weird.”

“Sounds like it,” Nicole agreed, “What do you think it means?”

Wynonna tilted her head back to look up at her with a smile, “It’s just a dream, Punk. It doesn’t mean anything.”

Nicole’s hands ran down her back, “I don’t know. Aren’t dreams supposed to be, like, your subconscious or something?”

Wynonna turned over in her arms so they were face to face, “Alright, Socrates, what do you think it means then?”

Nicole shrugged, “Maybe- “

“Wait! Shh!” Wynonna said suddenly, covering Nicole’s mouth and lifting her eyes to the ceiling above them. After a second, they heard the pair of footsteps clearly and Wynonna jumped up, “Damn it.”

She grabbed one of the pillows they were using and started fanning the air around them, trying to lessen the smell of the smoke.

“Why isn’t there a window down here?” she asked rhetorically.

“You said they’d be out all day,” Nicole said, standing up and doing the same with the thin blanket.

“They were supposed to be,” she answered, hearing Gus call her name upstairs, “if it wasn’t so damn hot outside- “

“Wynonna?” Waverly’s voice came from the top of the stairs as the basement door opened.

“Just a second!” she called up, “Don’t come down!”

“Why?” Waverly wondered suspiciously, the clear creek of the step sounding as she moved onto it, “What are you doing down there?”

“Nothing, it’s just…” she looked at Nicole, currently twirling the blanket like a propeller, “Nicole’s naked!”

That made Nicole stop what she was doing and stare at her.

“Ugh, fine,” she heard her sister say before the door closed again.

“Why am I naked?” Nicole asked in a sharp whisper.

“I’m her sister, it doesn’t matter if I’m naked.”

“Ok, why do either of us have to be naked?” she asked, “Now they think I came over to have sex in your basement.”

“I mean, is that really a stretch though?”

X

Nicole stared up in shock as she felt a pair of hands hook under her shoulders and pull her to her feet. Xavier then moved to stand in front of her while a small group came up, asking if she was all right. Nicole nodded, brushing hands off of her and remained focused on the scene.

Champ groaned on the floor and shouted, “What the fuck? This has nothing to do with you!”

“This is a private party,” Doc declared with a growl in his voice, “I don’t believe you were invited.”

“What are you doing here, Champ?” Waverly asked, standing at Nicole’s side with a hand on her arm.

“You haven’t answered my calls in weeks. You ignore my texts, ignore me,” he said, spitting on the ground before pulling himself to his feet, “Then you come here with her?! What do you think I’m doing here?”

He stepped forward menacingly again, but Doc moved into his way.

“Keep your distance,” he warned.

Champ’s eyes moved from him to Xavier. Seeing he was outnumbered, he focused on Waverly.

“Waverly, let’s go.”

“I’m not going anywhere with you,” she said, “Especially not after what you just did.”

“I’m serious, come on.”

“She said no,” Nicole told him, wincing a bit at the throb in her gut as she moved to stand partially in front of her.

“Shut up! You’ve done enough, you freak!” he snapped, “You’re disgusting!”

“It’s time for you to go,” Xavier said simply.

“Yeah,” Mercedes agreed, crossing her arms, and lifting a challenging eyebrow, “Strict party rule, no homophobes.”

“I’m not- “he started angrily, growling in frustration, “I don’t give a shit about that gay shit! This is about what she’s doing with my girlfriend!”

“I’m not your girlfriend, Champ,” Waverly declared, surprising herself with the outburst, “Not anymore.”

“Wha…because of her?”

“No,” she said firmly, stepping out from behind Nicole’s defensive stance, “because of me. I should’ve said it a while ago. It’s over Champ. We’re done.”

His mouth opened and closed a few times. Looking around at everyone watching, embarrassed at the public dumping they were all witnessing.

“This is crazy. Don’t you guys see what she’s doing?” he asked, looking around again, “Her girlfriend died, so she’s trying to replace her with her sister! It’s messed up,” he looked straight at Nicole, “You’re fucking sick!”

Nicole pressed her lips together and glanced around self-consciously, wondering if everyone felt that way.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Waverly accused, “Just get out of here.”

“Think about it, babe,” he pleaded, “She’s using you! You think you guys would be so buddy-buddy if Wynonna didn’t bite it?”

Nicole took a step forward, ready to react to the flippant way he mentioned Wynonna’s death. But once again it was Doc who moved first. Gripping him by the shirt, he pushed Champ back.

“You were asked to leave,” he reminded him, “Allow me to assist.”

With Xavier joining, the two marched Champ to the door to be thrown out. Nicole stayed in place, watching them go, still able to hear his angry protestations about her until Mercedes shouted at everyone.

“Show’s over!” she declared, “Is this a party or what? Turn the music back on. Let’s go!”

The song resumed and everyone started talking amongst themselves again, no doubt gossiping about what they all just witnessed.

“Oh my God, Nicole, I’m so sorry.” Waverly apologized, suddenly standing in front of her, “I can’t believe he did that. Are you ok?”

Nicole blinked and looked at her for a second before answering.

“Fine,” she muttered, “You want a drink? I’m getting a drink.”

She made her way to the bar without waiting for an answer. She ordered a shot and it arrived just as Waverly did.

“Hey,” she started, laying her hand between her shoulder blades, “Please don’t let him get to you.”

Nicole looked at the shot glass but made no move to pick it up, instead running her finger along the rim.

“Do you think that’s what I’m doing?” she asked, waiting a beat before bringing her eyes to Waverly’s, “Do you feel like I’m using you as some kind of replacement because you’re her sister?”

“Of course not,” she answered without hesitation as she slid onto the stool next to her, “Not at all.”

“How do you know for sure?”

“Well for one, if that was the case, you wouldn’t have been so ridiculously noble after we kissed,” she told her, “You would have just…acted.”

Nicole rubbed her temple and sighed.

“Want to hear something stupid?” she asked, “Part of me…kind of wishes you weren’t sisters. Because if you weren’t, this wouldn’t be so confusing.”

“I understand,” she told her, “I almost wish the same. Almost. As much as I like you, and I think it’s clear I do, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.”

“Trust me, I know exactly what you mean,” she said and shook her head, “Sorry. Looks like I can’t help ruining a good time, huh?”

“I wouldn’t say that. Except for one part, it’s been a pretty great night so far,” she said with a smile, “Do you want to go?”

Nicole took a moment to look at Waverly and think over what she said before shaking her head, “No. No, you’re right. We were having fun, we can try to keep it up, right?”

“Right,” she agreed with a smile, “So, no depressing drinks, then?”

Nicole chuckled and picked up the glass.

“This?” she asked, “This isn’t for depression. This is for courage.”

“Courage?”

Nicole glance over to where Xavier and Doc were talking near the entrance and nodded.

“Yeah,” she threw back the drink, “Will you be ok for a few minutes?”

Waverly had seen what Nicole was looking at and had a pretty good guess what she was hyping herself up for.

“Yeah, go ahead,” she encouraged, “I can entertain myself for a while.”

“Thanks,” she said, “I’ll find you in a bit.”

“No rush,” she assured her and then, feeling suddenly brave, leaned in to give her a quick kiss on the cheek as she stood up, “It’ll be ok.”

With a nod, Nicole headed towards the guys. Waverly watched her leave before deciding she should give her whatever privacy possible and started wandering the party that had kicked back to life after Champ was forcefully evicted.

Her steps bringing her to a table near the stage where Kate was set up with her tarot cards, offering readings to any party goer interested. She hovered for a moment, waiting for the girl already there to finish. When she left, Wavelry impulsively sat down in the open seat.

“Hi, Waverly,” she greeted with a smile as she gathered her cards, “Exciting night, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, not exactly the kind of excitement I was hoping for,” she answered with an awkward chuckle.

“All the same, good on you for dropping his ass.”

“Thanks,” she answered quietly, staring at the deck under Kate’s palm. The girl smiled, noticing her eye-line and tapped a nail on the top card.

“Interested?” she asked, “Maybe see if there’s a new love coming your way now that you’re open.”

“Maybe," she started, “I kind of…you believe in this stuff, yeah? Like spiritual…things?”

“Absolutely.”

“What about…” she paused and looked over her shoulder before leaning over the table. She waved her hand, asking Kate to come closer as well and spoke quietly, “Ghosts?”

X

Xavier spotted her first as she approached them; his face taking on soft concern and his hand moving to her shoulder.

“All right?”

“Mmhm,” she nodded.

“He’s not getting back in here,” he promised her.

“Thanks,” she cleared her throat and looked at Doc as he shuffled his feet. Nicole swallowed down the usual anger that came from seeing him, “Thank you for stepping in.”

“You’re welcome.”

Nicole put her hands in her pockets for lack of something to do with them. Awkward silence landed among them despite the resurgence of music vibrating through the room. Nicole started tapping her boot, anxiously trying to get to the point she came for.

“Nicole are you- “Xavier started to ask when she suddenly cut him off.

“You want to talk?” she blurted out to Doc, getting a surprised look at the question, “I mean, you’ve been wanting to for a while, right? You have something you want to say, now’s the time.”

“Please,” he said with a nod and gestured towards a cushioned bench near the entranceway.

Nicole scratched her jaw and nodded to Xavier, letting him know she was good, and then followed Doc over. She waited for him to sit first, shifting her weight in hesitation before sitting as well. Nothing was said for a few moments. Nicole couldn’t take it anymore.

“You showed up at my job trying to talk, my friends tell me you want to talk,” she started, “Here we are, and you got nothing to say. Perfect.”

He took off his hat and ran his hand through his long hair, “It’s difficult.”

“Difficult. You want to talk to me about difficult? Great,” she shook her head again, “Forget it.”

She started to stand when he finally spoke up.

“Nicole,” he said, causing her to remain sitting, “I want to apologize. I want to say how sorry I am.”

“You want to apologize,” she tipped her head back, leaning it against the wall, “Then do it.”

He folded his hand between his knees and looked at her, “I’m sorry Nicole.”

“What specifically are you sorry for?”

“My behavior that night was awful. And what came of it,” he cleared his throat and ran a hand over his jaw, “I owe a greater apology than words can offer. I’m sorry for that as well.”

Nicole felt her jaw tick and she folded her arms over her chest tightly.

“So, I should forgive you now?” she asked, “Make your guilt go away?”

“I have no right to ask.”

“No, you don’t,” she said firmly, “Let me ask you something: would you be here, apologizing for your ‘behavior’ if Wynonna was still alive?”

He blinked at the unexpected question, offering no answer right away.

“I don’t think you would. I think if she were here, if she were at this party right now, you’d be doing what you always did. Asking her to dance, bringing her drinks, doing anything you could to try undermining our relationship,” she accused with a glare, “And you know it.”

Doc brushed his fingers over his mustache and sat up straighter.

“I cared for her deeply,” he said as if it were the answer to a question, “I loved her, just as you did. I understand if that bothered you- “

“You think I ever gave a shit that you loved her?” she asked, “I didn’t. Jesus, I know how easy it as to fall for her. I can’t blame you or anyone for loving her. It wasn’t how you felt that bothered me, it was how you acted. You ignored her wishes at every opportunity.”

“I only meant to offer a choice.”

“She made her choice, Henry,” she snapped, “Over and over; every time we were together, that was her making the choice. You just kept showing up, acting like some old-time cowboy coming to sweep her off her feet. You kept doing it, no matter how many times she made it clear she wasn’t interested.”

She shook her head again and laughed bitterly.

“That’s the apology you owe; a thousand times over,” she told him, “But I’m not the one you owe it to, so I can’t do anything for whatever guilt you feel.”

He dropped his head for a second before looking back at her with glistening eyes.

“I did love her,” he said, “Truly.”

Nicole looked at him, the fleeting thought crossed her mind that she should try to help. Offer him some sort of forgiveness to assuage the pain he felt. Maybe she should be the bigger person and extend the olive branch. The thing was she didn’t want to be the bigger person. Not in this instance. Not after all the times she’d seen him dismiss their relationship and Wynonna’s wishes.

“Yeah, you loved her,” she said after a moment, “but you didn’t respect her.”

She stood up, his watery eyes following her.

“That’s something you have to live with. I hope you learn from it,” she told him, “And that you’ll respect me when I say that I appreciate what you did tonight, but there’s no reason for us to speak again.”

He looked as though he wanted to say something else, but instead closed his mouth and set his hat back on with a nod.

Nicole left him there and went in search of Waverly. She found her near the stage, a drink in her hand and moving a bit to the music.

“Hello again,” Nicole said and jumped up to sit on the edge of the stage.

“Hi!” she said loudly, “Everything go ok?”

“Yeah. Got some stuff off my chest. Feeling pretty good.”

“I’m feeling good, too.”

“I see that,” she grinned, “Is that one of Rosita’s pre-game cocktails?”

“Mmhm,” she said smiling as she sipped from the bright green straw, “It’s called Angel’s Shield. Kate suggested it.”

“Did she now?” she laughed and looked towards where she remembered seeing Kate sitting before the madness erupted. She was surprised to see her old teammate was already looking at them. Or was she looking at Nicole?

Her brows furrowed for a moment, wondering why she seemed to be watching her so intently. Was she thinking about what Champ had said? Did she think he was right? She hoped not. But even so, she couldn’t shake how odd it was. The way Kate’s eyes remained on her as if she were looking for something, reading her.

Hoping to break the weirdness, Nicole lifted a hand, acknowledging her with a small wave. Kate responded with a nod and lifted her drink towards her.

“Mm, come on,” Waverly said, retrieving Nicole’s attention and setting the now empty glass on the stage. She took Nicole’s hand, “I want to dance.”

“Oh, I don’t really dance.”

“Come on, please?” she said, tugging on her arm a bit, “For me?”

Nicole relented with a laugh and let herself be pulled to the floor.

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

X

X

X

Chapter Text

Nicole’s eyes flew through the mess of students making their way to the doors as the warning bell rang. She searched for Wynonna, trying to tamp down the worry that had been present since she woke up to find her already gone.

Granted, it wasn’t unusual for Wynonna to sneak out after also sneaking in the night before. The first time she’d come over like that just happened to be one of the rare times Lydia was awake before Nicole. She’d come into her room ready with a list of reasons to yell at her even though the day hadn’t begun and found her girlfriend in bed with her.

That had not been a fun morning. She’d barely kept Wynonna from attacking in her defense during the shouting. Since then, she’d always made a point to creep out before they could risk getting caught again. What was unusual was that Wynonna hadn’t left evidence of her exit. Usually, it was a small kiss that never failed to stir Nicole just enough to know she was leaving, sometimes a little note as small as a smiley face on the window.

But that morning there was nothing. That, plus what happened the night before, had Nicole desperate enough to see her as soon as possible that she hadn’t bothered changing out of yesterday’s clothes before running out the door.

After Wynonna started crying, scaring Nicole into a near panic, it took several minutes to calm her enough to tell her what was wrong.

It was an unexpected conversation, but even so, Nicole thought it had been resolved when they laid down together. But based on the way she’d woken, Nicole feared that might not be true.

Just as she began to think of other places Wynonna would have gone instead of coming to school, she spotted her. Hurrying over, Nicole grabbed her arm before she could make her way through the door.

“Wynonna.”

“Punk, hey, whoa- “she was surprised when Nicole pulled her aside and out of the way of the dwindling flow of students, “Good morning to you, too. Nice walk of shame look. Just tell me who I have to smack around because I know we didn’t get up to anything shameful last night.”

“Are you ok?” she asked, running her hands over her hair, and holding her face to get a good look at her.

“I’m fine, what- “she took Nicole’s hands and held them between them, “I’m fine.”

“Ok,” Nicole nodded, telling herself to calm down, “Are…Are we ok?”

“What?” she asked, “Of course we are. Why wouldn’t we be?”

“I just, last night…and then you were gone this morning,” she said, “I was worried that you were upset about- “

“Hey,” Wynonna interrupted, reaching a hand into Nicole’s hair, and scratching her scalp, “There’s nothing to worry about. Last night was, I was just having a rough couple hours. I was feeling, you know, emotional and impulsive. It was nothing.”

“Are you sure? You said you wanted- “

“It was nothing,” she repeated, “What do they call it? Flights of fancy. That’s all. But you were right.”

Nicole looked down for a second, rubbing her thumb over the knuckle of the hand in hers.

“I mean, we can talk about it some more if you want.”

Wynonna gave her a smile and then stepped up to kiss her lips.

“I love you; you know that?”

Nicole took a needed breath, feeling as though it was the first one, she’d been able to actually have since waking up.

“I love you, too.”

“Good,” she nodded, “Now let’s get moving before one of Lucado’s minions spots us lollygagging.”

Nicole agreed but made a point to herself to keep a closer eye on Wynonna for a little while, wanting to make sure she was really ok.

X

“This was fun,” Waverly slurred as she took unsteady steps, hanging on Nicole’s arm, “Wasn’t this fun?”

“Yes,” Nicole chuckled, helping her along the sidewalk with Xavier on Waverly’s other side, “It was a fun night.”

“Except for the part when Champ kicked you, oop!” she stumbled over the curb, hands on either side of her keeping her from falling, “Hey, remember when you punched him?”

Waverly laughed at the memory and leaned more against her. Nicole glanced over her head to see the amused look on Xavier’s face. She forgot he wasn’t present at Shorty’s when that happened.

“I remember.”

“I wish you punched him tonight. He deserved it,” she went on as they reached the car.

She let Xavier take her weight while Nicole unlocked and opened the passenger door.

“I bet it would’ve been so sexy to see.”

Nicole choked a bit in surprise and Xavier cleared his throat awkwardly.

“Come on, let’s get you in. Up we go,” they got her up into the seat.

Nicole’s reflexes allowed her hands to catch Waverly when she suddenly lurched forward, sure to have fallen straight on her face otherwise.

“Nicole,” a heavy alcohol-soaked breath hit her right in the face as Waverly breathed her name inches away from it, “Will you punch him? Just once for me?”

Nicole let out a laugh and nodded, “Sure.”

“Promise?”

“I promise,” she agreed and pushed on her shoulders to get Waverly back into the car, “Feet.”

Waverly squeaked and pulled her legs inside so Nicole could close the door. Once she was safely inside, Nicole looked back at Xavier. He was grinning, clearly amused by the scene.

“What exactly are you smiling at Private Dolls?”

He crossed his arms and shrugged, smile growing.

“It’s just good to see you like this,” he said.

“Carrying a drunk girl home?”

“Happy. Having fun,” he elaborated, “I missed it.”

Nicole glanced down for a second, a little thrown by the statement. She leaned back against the door and shook her head.

“I’m sorry it took so long. I’m sorry we lost so much time,” she apologized, “And now you’re leaving.”

“Not forever,” he said, “I’ll be back. We’ll have plenty of time.”

Nicole nodded, inhaling through her nose, and looking at the star filled sky before bringing her eyes back down to look at him.

“You’ll be safe, right?” she asked with a crack in her voice, “If they send you…somewhere.”

“I promise,” he put his hands on her shoulders and leaned his head down a bit to look in her eyes as he promised, “I’ll be back. Before you know it.”

She put her hands on his arms and let them hang there. She squeezed tightly and swallowed.

“You’re my best friend, Xavier.”

“And you’re mine,” he replied, “The absolute best.”

They hugged then, Nicole holding him close as she laid her chin on his shoulder. She took in a shaking breath.

“I love you, X,” she said against him.

“I love you, too,” he squeezed her tight.

Nicole sniffled and stepped back, clearing her throat. She looked up again for a second and then told him.

“I’m not saying goodbye,” she said and then poked his chest, “because you’re coming back.”

“Damn right.”

They heard a tapping and turned, seeing Waverly hitting her fingers against the window.

“Nicole!” her voice muffled inside the car, “Can we get tacos?”

Nicole laughed and nodded, waving at her before looking back at Xavier.”

“You know, I was a little worried about leaving before, with you alone like you were,” he told her, “I’m not anymore.”

He clapped her shoulder, keeping his hand there as he pointed at her.

“Let good things happen to you.”

“Guess you’ll have to write to remind me, huh?”

“You got it.”

She hugged him one more time, not quite ready to let him go just yet. She knew he wasn’t leaving for another couple of days, but he was planning to spend them with his dad. So, it was the last time they’d see each other for a while. She really could kick herself for letting so much time go by.  She patted his back, letting him know she was ready, and they pulled apart.

She wiped her nose and cleared her throat again, “I’ll see you later.”

He nodded, “See you later.”

Nicole watched him walk away for a moment before taking a few deep breaths of the cool air. She went around to the driver’s side and opened the door.

“Now, let’s see where we can get you some tacos this late,” she said as she pulled herself into the seat.

She looked over to ask for her thoughts, but saw Waverly slumped against the window, fast asleep. A small spot of fog cast on the glass near her open mouth. She smiled to herself at the sight.

“Ok then,” she spoke quietly.

Nicole leaned over, stretching her arm until she could find the lever and reclined the chair a bit. Carefully, trying not to wake her, she guided Waverly off the window and into what was surely a more comfortable position.  She then grabbed the seatbelt and pulled it across to lock it in and make sure she was secured.

“There, that’s better,” she said to no one as she sat back in her seat.

She stared at her for a few seconds, taking in the peace around her, even if it was alcohol induced. They had had fun. Waverly got her on the dance floor and Nicole showed her exactly why she didn’t dance. Of course, she never said a word about how awkward and ridiculous she must have looked. They made rounds of the game stations and met back up with Rosita; Waverly following her lead to try a bunch of the different colorful cocktails while Nicole caught up with Jeremy and Robin.

It was a good night.

Pulling her eyes away from the sleeping girl, Nicole sighed and scratched her temple.

“Why do you have to be so cute, huh?” she turned on the car, “You sure don’t make this easy. Walking around looking so fucking beautiful all the time. Being so sweet. Smiling that smile.”

She brushed her hair back and then put the car in gear, taking them towards the homestead. The drive spent silently thinking over the night and Xavier’s advice.

When they got there, she realized the dilemma of needing to wake her to get her inside. She opened the passenger door and softly shook her shoulder.

“Waverly,” she said quietly, “Waverly, we’re home.”

She got a small groan in response, but she made no move to get up or even open her eyes.

“Hey, come on,” she encouraged, “You can sleep inside.”

“Don’t wanna walk,” she mumbled, turning on her side and tucking her arm under her head, “Sleep here.”

“You can’t sleep here, Waves.”

Without opening her eyes, Waverly lifted her arms.

“All right, then,” she leaned down and slid one arm under her legs and the other around her back, “Hold on, ok?”

Waverly’s arms draped around her neck and Nicole stood up straight. She thanks all the heavy lifting she’d been doing in the yard and the months at Al’s loading and unloading pallets for giving her the ability to carry her with steady arms.

Opening the front door was a little bit of an obstacle but she was able to manage without disturbing Waverly who seemed to have fallen back to sleep snuggled against her chest. She kicked it closed with her heel and then halted when she found Gus watching her from the couch. She had a sudden flash of Lydia catching her coming home smelling of alcohol and swallowed nervously. She knew it was Gus in front of her, but she wasn’t sure how she would react to her bringing Waverly home in her state.

“She just…I mean, I was- “

“You ok to make the stairs?” she asked simply.

Nicole nodded.

“All right. Careful now,” she dismissed and went back to her book.

“Yes, ma’am,” she answered falling back into formality.

“You guys have fun?” Gus asked without looking back at her.

“Lots.”

“I’m glad,” she said, “Goodnight.”

“’Night Gus,” Waverly mumbled from Nicole’s arms, apparently not quite as asleep as she had thought.

She slowly made her way upstairs, taking her time being extra careful to get them up safely. Her confidence returned as the reached the steady ground of the second floor and she was able to move more quickly towards Waverly’s room.

“Nicole?” she felt her speak against her, “I like when you call me Waves.”

Nicole smiled as she entered the room and replied, “I’ll do it more often, then.”

She hit the light with her elbow and crossed the room, lowering her onto the mattress. As soon as Waverly felt it beneath her she laid back and spread out, ready to give herself back to sleep completely, but Nicole knew that wasn’t the best idea.

“Nope, not yet,” she shook her leg a bit to keep her awake, “You should have some water and aspirin first. Try to get a head start on the hangover coming your way.”

“Don’t need it,” she mumbled as she rolled over and hugged her pillow, “Never had a hangover before. Don’t think I get them.”

Nicole laughed and softly pat her hip, “I bet you never pounded so many different drinks in one night before either.”

“Mm, they were yummy,” she said with a yawn, “Pretty colors.”

“I’m sure,” she agreed, taking her hands, and using them to pull her into a sitting position, “Come on.”

Waverly groaned, letting her head hang back for a second.

“Just a little longer, ok? I promise,” she told her, “Do you think you can handle changing clothes while I’m gone? You’ll be more comfortable.”

Waverly slumped her head into her hands and huffed.

“Fine.”

“I’m know, I’m sorry,” she said, “I’ll be right back and then you can go to sleep, ok?”

Before she left Waverly caught her wrist. She looked up at her, eyes still a bit glazed but a little more present than before, “Thank you for taking care of me.”

“Anytime,” she said softly and left on her mission.

She headed to the kitchen, because of course Waverly was too clean to keep any glasses in her room. Gus was no longer in the living room when she went through it. The woman obviously had been waiting for their safe return before going to bed.

She filled a glass with tap water and went back upstairs. Next, she stopped in the bathroom and grabbed the aspirin bottle from the medicine cabinet. When she closed it, Nicole took a second to look at the mirror.

Recalling Xavier’s words again, she tapped her reflection.

“Let good things happen to you,” she told the image looking back at her before shaking her head, “Sure.”

She hit the light and returned to Waverly’s room She froze in the doorway and nearly dropped the glass at the sight she’d walked in on.

Waverly was standing at the foot of her bed, back to Nicole, bra, and underwear on display with her body stretched out as she tugged at the dress bundled around her head and arms. Nicole’s mouth went dry, and her eyes began to roam the image in front of her. When she realized she was staring without Waverly’s knowledge she shook her head and turned away. The floor creaked under her, and Waverly half turned.

“Nicole, is that you?”

Wincing, Nicole answered without turning back.

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I should’ve knocked. I’ll wait out- “

“Wait! Can you, ugh- “she gave another hapless tug at the dress, “Can you help?

Nicole swallowed, “Uh, help?”

“My dress is drunk,” she said, “M’stuck. Help.”

“Ok,” Nicole nodded to herself, “Ok, yeah.”

She set the stuff down on the dresser and turned around. Keeping her eyes on the floor, she walked over until she saw Waverly’s feet and knew she had reached her.

“Ok,” she cleared her throat, “I’m just going to…help now.”

She lifted her eyes, trailing up the tan skin of her legs. Climbing them over the curves and angles of her body until she was looking at the bundled mess trapping her arms around her head.

“Ok,” she whispered again.

Grabbing the fabric, she carefully worked to get Waverly’s arms free. She’d somehow managed in her drunken state, to get her elbows all caught up in it. Guiding her limbs until she could finally lift it, freeing her from the trap of the cloth.

Once free, Waverly let out a puff of air and leaned against Nicole.

“Thank you,” she said, wrapping her arms around Nicole’s waist and laying her head against her chest, “I thought I’d be trapped forever.”

“You’re welcome,” Nicole managed to say without her tight voice squeaking. She made sure to hold her hands to the side and not give in to the temptation of laying them on the bare skin pressed against her.

She felt the stirring need in her chest as her body called out for the contact. The memory of real warm skin under her hands taunted her, reminding her of how long it had been since she truly had it.

“Let’s, uh, let’s get you dressed and in bed.”

She sat her back on the bed and grabbed the clothes haphazardly tossed on the mattress that she assumed Waverly had grabbed to put on. She knelt down in front of her and helped Waverly’s feet step through the shorts. She slowly pulled them up her legs; heartbeat skipping as the back of her fingers trailed over the smooth skin. She was unaware of the trail of goosebumps left in their wake as Waverly shivered.

“Um, your bra.”

“Huh?”

“Do you want it off for bed or…?”

“Oh, yeah,” her fingers fumbled drunkenly behind her back, but eventually she managed to undo the clasp.

Nicole kept her eyes on the window behind Waverly, blindly holding open the shirt until she felt Waverly’s arms slip through and her head pop out of the collar. When she was dressed Nicole picked up the water and shook a couple pills out of the bottle.

“Here you go,” she instructed, “Take these and then it’s sweet dreams.”

Waverly did as she asked, swallowing the pills, and finishing the water.

“Ok, now you can go to sleep.”

Waverly hummed happily at the thought and scooted back up the bed until she was sitting against the headboard.

“Thank you for taking care of me.”

Nicole’s lips twitched in a smile, and she sat on the edge of the mattress, “You said that already.”

Waverly looked at her for a moment and then ran her finger along the frame of her glasses.

“You have such pretty eyes. There’s so much in them,” she tilted her head, “Sadness. Feel like I could find everything I needed in your sad eyes.”

Nicole licked her lips and took Waverly’s hand from her face.

“You’re drunk.”

“I am,” she laid down, “Will you stay? Until I fall asleep?”

Nicole grinned, “That’ll take about two seconds, you know.”

“Please?”

“Ok,” she agreed and settled gestured to where she sat, “I’ll stay right here.”

“Nuh-uh,” Waverly said and shook her head as she moved to lay down. She patted the mattress next to her, “Up here.”

“You’re a bossy drunk, huh?” Nicole teased as she bent down to take her shoes off.

“Mmhmm.”

“All right, scootch bossy,” Nicole instructed and moved up to sit against the headboard, “How’s this?”

Waverly draped her arm across her legs and laid her head on her lap.

“Perfect.”

Nicole looked down at her with a small smile, her hand hovering for a moment before she let it fall gently onto her head. She started running her fingers through her hair, feeling her hum at the action. Sure enough, she was asleep in seconds. Nicole shook her head and chuckled to herself, realizing she was trapped for the moment. She supposed there were worse places to be stuck and continued moving her fingers through the soft hair, occasionally scratching lightly. She took in how nice the moment felt. Just being there with her. Maybe it could be one of the good things that could happen. Someday.

“I’m proud of you.”

She lifted her head at the voice and saw Wynonna in the corner, leaning back against the wall. She put her hands in her pockets and crossed her ankles.

“You’re doing good.”

“I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“I know,” she smiled, “but you’re getting there.”

X

X

X

Chapter Text

“Ugh,” Nicole moaned as she came to consciousness with a throbbing skull. Her mouth full of cotton as she parted her lips, “My head.”

“Shh,” she heard, feeling movement in her arms that she only just realized were wrapped around a warm body.

She cracked her eyes open and was met with the sight of Wynonna’s face covered in her dark hair.

“W’nonna?” she asked, trying to get a handle on what was going on.

Wynonna pulled an arm up and flopped a hand on Nicole’s mouth.  Her fingers curled to hold one finger against her lips and tapped it.

“Shh,” she repeated, “No talking yet.”

Nicole rolled onto her back, relieving her shoulder and hip from the pressure of the hard surface. She rubbed her face and looked around for a moment, finally recognizing they were laying on the floor of Rosita’s living room.

“What happened?”

“Whiskey,” Wynonna mumbled, strands of hair sticking to her lips as she spoke, “Lotsa whiskey.”

Brushing her own hair back, she recalled the night before. Rosita had invited all of them over since her parents were gone for the weekend. The group hang turned from movies and chatter to drinking games and…more drinking games.

“What time is it?” she asked, checking her immediate area for her phone.

“Time to shut it.”

Nicole looked up at the husky voice and saw Rosita laid out on the couch above them, face pressed into the cushion and arm hanging over the edge. Upon further inspection of the room with clearer eyes, she saw Dolls laid back in the recliner, head tilted to the side. Across the open plan, she saw Jeremy curled up on top of the dining table while Robin slept underneath it.

She shook her head at the ridiculousness of their little gang. Folding an arm behind her head for cushioning, she stretched her legs and used the arm still underneath Wynonna to pull her closer. The girl acquiesced, scooting over until she was against her, resting her head on Nicole’s chest.

Nicole looked down at her, curling her hand around to pull the hair away from Wynonna’s face. Gazing at her as she slept, she smiled to herself and placed a kiss on top of her head before laying her head back and closing her eyes. She might as well try to get some more sleep if no one else was awake. Wynonna hummed against her and wrapped her arm around her stomach, snuggling close.

“Love you, Punk.”

Nicole’s eyes popped back open, and she raised her head enough to look at her again.

“What did you say?” she asked, sure she had heard wrong.

“She said she loves you,” Rosita said, turning over on the couch with a huff, “Now shut the fuck up already.”

X

Nicole’s head rolled until it dropped forward and woke with a jerking start. She blinked in confusion a few times, inhaling through her nose, and attempting to stretch. She found her movements a bit restricted by a weight and looked down at herself.

She was surprised to realize she’d fallen asleep sitting on Waverly’s bed with the girl draped over her. A quick search found her glasses on the mattress near her leg, and she put them on. Looking at her with clear vision, she couldn’t help but grin at the girl.  She rubbed her hand up and down her curled back for a moment, taking in the peace radiating from her.

Expecting she would remain sleeping for a while, Nicole slowly started extracting herself from under her. Waverly whined a bit at the movement and Nicole froze, half out of bed. After a second, she reached over her and grabbed a pillow, setting it in Waverly’s arms as a replacement for herself. She wrapped her arms around it and snuggled into the soft placeholder, letting out a content sigh as she stilled once more.

Her exit a success, Nicole silently backed out of the room and eased the door shut behind her. Her footsteps paused in the hall when she came across Wynonna’s door. Thinking it over for a second before opening it and entering.

It was emptier since they had gone through some of it; the closet empty, posters and trinkets taken down and packed away. She took note that the boxes they’d all been put into had been removed, presumable taken to their destinations by Gus. She ran her finger along the bare top of the dresser. Noticing the spots vacant of dust where items used to be. Her memory easily filled in those spots with what had been there. Picture frames and knickknacks, all with treasured memories attached to them.

A slow whistle sounded behind her, and she turned to find Wynonna appraising the room.

“It looks bigger like this,” she pointed out, “I can’t remember the last time it was this empty.”

“Not since I’ve seen it.”

Wynonna continued her lap around the room. Her hand sliding along the walls at her easy pace.

“If these walls could talk, eh?” she looked over her shoulder to throw a wink at Nicole.

“No one needs to hear what they’d say,” Nicole chuckled.

“Prudes,” she smiled, still fascinated on the space, “Isn’t it funny? How many lives empty rooms must have seen. A whole life lived, and then there’s just a room, waiting for the next one.”

“They’re not all whole lives,” Nicole said sadly “Some…Some end too soon.”

Wynonna gave a soft smile of understanding and came to a stop near the headboard. She tilted her head and looked at the wall. Running her thumb over a small hole in the wall left by a nail – because “thumbtacks are for bitches”- she smiled.

“Remember what was here?”

“Ticket stubs,” Nicole recalled, “The Shelterlands Festival.”

“Mmhm,” she nodded, “You thought I was so weird for keeping them.”

“Not for keeping them,” she corrected, moving to stand beside her facing the wall, “For nailing them to the wall. You know, most people keep stubs in a scrapbook or a shoebox or something.”

“Who you talking to?” she asked, raising an eyebrow before looking back at the empty spot, “Do you know why I kept them there?”

“’Cause it was a cool concert?” she guessed, “And your other memento was stolen when that blonde caught that shirt before you could.”

“What a bitch,” Wynonna joked, remembering the band shirt that was tossed from the stage being snatched from the air right before it got to her, “But that’s not why.”

“Tell me,” Nicole requested, stepping closer to her.

“That was the day I knew I loved you,” she told her, “I had never loved someone before, you know romantically, but it hit me that day. When it started pouring rain and the band had to stop, everyone started to scatter. Remember what you did? You stayed right there and held me and started singing the shittiest version of Highwomen.”

“I remember,” Nicole cleared her throat, “Never claimed to be a singer.”

“I know, that made it even better. You were swaying in the rain and mud, singing with your terrible voice,” she laughed, “trying to keep our good day going. And I was in your arms, and I loved you right then and there. So, I put them right there by the bed, so I could look at it whenever I had a bad day or needed a reminder that, no matter what else happened, there was at least that one amazing thing in my life.”

Nicole sniffled, trying to contain all the emotion the story had brought up.

“I never knew that.”

Wynonna smirked, “I was a woman of mystery, Punk. Couldn’t let my vibe get ruined with all the squishy soft you brought out in me.”

“Was,” Nicole repeated softly, scraping her nail over the hole before turning to her, “Any other secrets you’re still holding on to?”

“Girls!” Nicole turned hearing Gus, “Nicole? You awake?”

“Better get down there before she wakes sleeping boozy,” Wynonna said.

Nicole sighed and scratched the back of her head, “Yeah.”

X

Nicole was out on the barn roof hours later when Waverly came outside. Shuffling her feet and holding a hand up to shade her eyes from the sun, which seemed a whole lot brighter than usual. She’d slept the morning away, her mouth still tasting stale and sour despite the severe amount of toothpaste and mouthwash she’d used. But other than that, and some stiffness, she wasn’t feeling too bad.

She squinted up at Nicole who didn’t seem to notice her yet as she carefully walked along the roof occasionally kneeling down and out of sight doing something Waverly couldn’t see. She walked to the side of the building where the ladder stood and started to carefully ascend. When she was high enough, she stayed standing on the rung, crossing her arms on the roof’s edge, and resting her chin on them.

Her new position allowed her to see Nicole better. Her hair was held back from her face by an olive-green hat worn backwards. A blue tank top allowed her arms and shoulders on full display and a tan toolbelt sat on the waist of her faded jeans as she knelt down, strategically laying a tap measure against the roof and scribbling something in a small notepad.

Waverly sighed to herself; the girl was a sight for sure.

“Working hard?”

Nicole lifted her head, surprised to hear her voice so close and smiled, dropping the pencil and notepad back into the pocket on her belt.

“Hey sleeping beauty, you’re up,” she teased and walked closer.

She braced an arm against the slight slant of the roof as she lowered herself to sit. Her legs hung over the edge beside the ladder, and she smiled down at her, backlit by the sun.

“More like sleeping boozy,” Waverly said, missing the twitch of Nicole’s lips at the phrase as she reached for her offered hand and accepted her help getting up as well.  

She settled on the roof beside her, pulling away wayward hair with a self-deprecating laugh, “I can’t believe I drank so much.”

“I’m surprised you remember,” she chuckled.

“Some of it,” she answered, “It gets fuzzy after the blue drink.”

“Ah, that was number if three if I remember right,” Nicole told her, “Of the ones I saw anyway.”

“Oh God,” she said, feeling the embarrassment creeping, “Tell me I didn’t make a complete fool of myself.”

“No,” Nicole denied, swinging her feet absently, “Not a total fool.”

“Oh God,” she said again, covering her face, “What did I do?”

“You might have given everyone an enthusiastic tabletop performance of the Golden Girls theme song.”

Waverly gasped, “No!”

“Don’t worry, I’m sure nobody recorded it or anything.”

“Nooo,” she whined in disbelief.

“Yeah,” Nicole said with a wince and looked out at the Earp land, “Thank you for being a friend.”

“Nicole, no,” she blushed furiously when Nicole started to sing.

“Traveled down a road and back again,” she continued, letting her voice get a bit louder.

“Please tell me you’re joking. Please!”

“Your heart is true, you’re a pal and a confidant,” she said, volume still increasing as her words started to break with impending laughter.

“Sto-op,” Waverly pleaded, though she laughed as well. Nicole swayed a bit and bumped her shoulder into Waverly’s.

“Come on, Waves,” she said before badly belting, “And if you threw a party!”

Waverly lunged at her then, covering her mouth and muffling the rest of the words. Nicole let herself fall back against the roof, her hands automatically going to Waverly’s sides to ensure she didn’t slip. Waverly could feel the smile underneath her fingers and shook her head.

“Nicole Haught, I mean it,” she said through her laugh, waiting for her to nod before removing her hand.

“I’m kidding,” she smiled, “That didn’t happen.”

“You- “she smacked her arm playfully, “I knew it. You’re terrible.”

“Yep, it’s time you learned that about me, Waves.”

“Uh-huh,” she nodded with a small smile looking down at her as a thought came to her head, “Did you get me to my bed last night?”

“Yes,” she answered, “I carried you when you refused to walk, but I only dropped you a couple times.”

“Now, that, I don’t buy for a second,” she said poking Nicole’s chest.

“Yeah, that one was a stretch,” she conceded, realizing her hands were still on Waverly; the other girl practically laying on top of her.

“Well, thank you.”

“You know you thanked me a dozen times last night.”

“Did I?” she asked, getting a nod, “Then I’m sure you deserved each one. Did I say anything else?”

Nicole’s fingers twitched on Waverly’s hips, and she swallowed.

“Yeah, you said my eyes were…” she paused for a second, deciding to edit Waverly’s actual words, “nice. You said I had nice eyes.”

“Oh, well of course I did,” she accepted it without question, “It’s true.”

Waverly’s eyes looked at hers then, like she was reading them. As if she were truly looking for all the things, she said she’d find in them.

“Waverly,” she started softly, still pinned by her eyes, “After last night, I’ve-uh-I’ve been thinking.”

“Yeah? About what?” she asked, adjusting her position unconsciously and wincing when she felt something sharp poke her leg, “Ouch!”

She pulled back, Nicole moving with her to sit up, “What’s wrong? You ok?”

“Yeah, I just…” she looked down and noticed the pencil sticking out of the pocket in the toolbelt. She plucked it and held it up, “Just a little poke.”

“Oh, shit. Sorry. That’s a safety hazard, huh?” she took it and placed it back in the leather pouch at a safer angle.

“This is new,” Waverly remarked, flicking the pocket.

“You like?” Nicole asked proudly, “Gus gave it to me. Asked me to be a live-in handyman. She wants to pay me to do stuff I’d have done for free if she asked.”

“Really?” she asked with a smile.

“Yeah. That’s why I’m up here,” she gestured to the barn, “She asked me to take measurements and send her a list.”

“Nicole that’s great!”

“Yeah, it’s pretty cool.”

“Is that what you want to do?” she asked, “Handiwork or repairs?”

“You know I never thought about it before. I mean, I fixed little things here and there. Liked learning about differed tools at Al’s, and I actually really enjoyed doing the fence there,” she said with a smile, “But I never considered it as, like, a job until Gus mentioned it.”

“And now?”

“Now,” Nicole shrugged a bit and looked to the fence that stood as evidence of her hard work, “Take something old and make it new again, right?”

Waverly smiled at the familiar words.

“It’s something I can see myself doing and actually liking,” she said truthfully.

“I’m happy for you, Nicole.”

Nicole found herself smiling bright at her, “I’m happy for me, too.”

“But” Waverly started, stretching out the word, “I’m pretty sure I was promised my window would be your next project.”

She hit the bill of the hat on the back of Nicole’s neck after her joke, causing it to pop up and fall over her face. Nicole laughed and took the hat in her hands.

“Yeah, yeah,” she chuckled, “A promise is a promise.”

She put the hat on Waverly’s head, pulling the bill low on her eyes, “There. You can be my assistant.”

“Would you settle for cheerleader?” Waverly laughed and adjusted the hat, so it sat properly on her head, “How’s that?”

Nicole smiled softly at the sight of Waverly in her hat covered in sunlight.

“It’s perfect,” she told her, seeing her blush at her words. Nicole licked her lips and nodded to the ladder, “Come on. Let’s get down, get you some tacos.”

“Ooh, tacos sound so good right now,” Waverly agreed enthusiastically, “How’d you know?”

Nicole laughed, “Just a feeling. Come on.”

Nicole stood at the bottom of the ladder, acting as a spotter for Waverly until her feet touched the ground.

“Ready?” Waverly asked.

“Ready,” Nicole repeated and tapped the edge of the hat. The action reminding Waverly she was wearing it.

“Oh,” she took it off and gave it back, “Here.”

“No,” Nicole said and slid some of Waverly’s hair behind her ear and setting it back on her head, “It looks better on you.”

Waverly rocked back on her heels for a second; thinking about the hoodie and Wynonna’s necklace and now the hat, “I feel like you keep giving me your things. I haven’t given you anything.”

“Trust me, you’ve given me plenty,” she told her honestly.

Waverly fiddled with her fingers for a second before getting an idea. She undid the braided bracelet from her wrist.

“Give me your hand,” she instructed.

Nicole chuckled but did as she said and held her hand out. Waverly wrapped it around her wrist and tied the knot, making sure it didn’t rest too tightly against her skin.

“There,” she said happily, “That’s better.”

“Thank you,” Nicole said, amusing turning her hand over to look at the bracelet, “I’ll guard it with my life.”

“You better,” Waverly teased.

Nicole tilted her head towards the house, indicating they should start heading towards it so they could get set to go get the promised lunch. After a couple steps, Waverly stopped and grabbed Nicole’s hand.

“Oh wait. What did you want to say?” she asked, “On the roof, you were going to say something.”

Nicole grinned and shook her head, “It’s fine. I’ll tell you later.”

They went in the house, Nicole washing up while Waverly got her shoes on and grabbed her keys. Nicole dried her hands and walked out of the bathroom, looking around.

“You seen Dozer?” she asked, Waverly shaking her head a bit as she looked around the room and realized she hadn’t. Nicole whistled quickly, “Dozer? Doze! Where are you, boy?”

She heard Waverly call his name as well while she wandered further into the house. She stopped in the doorway of the Gus’ room and let out a relieved breath.

“Found him!” she called out to let Waverly know as she went further into the room, kneeling in front of Gus’ bed where he was curled up on the blanket. She ran a hand over his head, and he woke up, shaking his head several times before looking at her, “Hey buddy. I don’t think you’re supposed to be up there. Come on.”

He stood up, shaking his body out before hopping down, letting Nicole smooth the blankets back out before leaving the room with her. She closed the door behind them so he wouldn’t be tempted again. Even though she knew Gus had greatly softened to the dog, she didn’t want to risk him going too far.

She double checked his food and water before reminding him to be a good boy while they were gone.

“Sorry, minor delay,” she apologized to Waverly as Dozer trotted over to her, nudging Waverly’s legs with his head and causing her to stumble a bit.

“You mean a handsome delay,” she said with a smile for the boy. After a good amount of affection, he left her to noisily drink his water.

Finally ready to go, Nicole opened the front door. Both of them taken by surprise when they saw someone already there; hand raised and ready to knock.

“Shit,” Waverly said, her hand going to her chest in surprise, “Kate.”

“Hi guys,” she greeted, obviously having been surprised as well, “You scared me.”

“You too,” Nicole said and wondered aloud, “Uh, what are you doing here?”

“Oh man,” Wynonna said from her seat on the staircase, “Things are about to get interesting.”

X

X

X

Chapter Text

Wynonna opened the front door, peeking her head out first to look around and then exiting completely when she saw Nicole on the porch. She was sitting on the railing, tapping something against her knee and looking deep in thought.

“Nicole?” she rubbed a hand up and down her arm, generating a bit of warmth in the evening chill as she walked over, “What’s going on? How long have you been out here?”

“Few minutes,” she answered, looking down at the envelope that continued to dance against her leg.

“Why didn’t you knock or call or something?” she asked, “Instead of just sitting out here.”

She gave a little shrug and Wynonna looked at her, made curious by her behavior and came to stand between her bent knees.

“Hey,” she stilled the tapping hand with hers, “What’s going on?”

Nicole hesitated a moment before lifting the envelope, “This came today.”

“What is it?”

“It’s from Big City,” she told her, still looking at it, “The university’s athletic department.”

“No shit?” she asked surprised, “What’s it say?”

“Don’t know,” she mumbled, “Haven’t opened it yet.”

“Why not?”

Nicole started tapping it again for a few seconds before finally lifting her eyes to look at her.

“Will you read it?” she asked, “Tell me what it says?”

“If you want me to.”

“Please,” Nicole nodded and handed it over.

Wynonna took it and tore the side open. Pulling out the letter and unfolding it, she held the page with one hand and ran the other over Nicole’s arm as she started reading.

“Dear Ms. Haught, I hope this letter finds you, yada yada, my name is Daniel Goss. I am the recruiting scout for the Big City Badgers…” she ran her eyes over the type mumbling half words as she read until she spoke clearly once again, “I am pleased to say we’ve taken notice of your abilities in the shooting guard position and would like to offer-Holy shit! Nicole, this is a scholarship.”

Nicole let out a large breath and instantly felt tears spring to her eyes.

“Really?”

“Really, look!” she stepped in closer and turned the letter around for Nicole to read for herself, “Look at that dollar sign.”

“Wow,” she breathed out, “This is for real.”

“It’s for real,” Wynonna squealed happily and grabbed Nicole’s face, planting a kiss on her, “I’m so fucking proud of you!”

Nicole smiled brightly and sniffled, hopping off the banister and pulling her in for a tight hug. When they pulled back, she looked at the letter again. As she continued reading more of it, her smile started to fall.

“It’s not enough.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s…It’s not enough,” she repeated, “It’s only a partial scholarship. I’d still have to come up with the rest.”

“How much is it?”

She showed Wynonna the lower paragraph she hadn’t gotten to yet. It laid out the general cost of tuition per semester compared to the amount the scholarship would pay out per year if she remained eligible. It even made a note to specify books and boarding costs would be determined upon registration.

“Oh, well that’s ok,” she said right away, “That’s fine. We’ll figure something out, loans or something. It’ll be fine and you’ll be a Badger and you’ll leave this shithole in the dust.”

“I don’t know,” she replied with a sigh, feeling the hard crash of reality, “I don’t know. I mean, would it be worth it? It might not even work out. I could wash out or-or get injured and lose eligibility and then nothing would come from it except debt and wasted time.”

“Come on, Punk. It wouldn’t be waste to go for something you want,” she told her, “I mean, you don’t want to stay here forever, right?”

Nicole shrugged again, “It wouldn’t be so bad. You’re here.”

X

Kate looked between them at the question.

“Weren’t you expecting me?”

Nicole’s brows scrunched together in confusion.

“No?” it came out like a question, “Sorry, but should we have expected you?”

“Waverly invited me,” she nodded to the brunette, causing Nicole to look at her.

“I did?” Waverly asked, then remembering, “I did.”

She recalled their brief conversation the previous night and looked at Nicole.

“I completely forgot. I’m so sorry,” she apologized.

Kate laughed good-naturedly, “That makes sense with the way you were throwing them down last night.”

“Right,” Waverly said awkwardly, trying for a smile and half succeeding.

Kate looked from one to the other again and clapped her hands, “So are you going to let me in so we can do this or…?”

“Do what?” Nicole asked, feeling in the dark about what exactly was going on.

“Uh,” Waverly started and then spoke with halting words, “It’s …not a …great time.”

“For what?” Nicole asked, starting to get frustrated.

“A reading,” Kate said with a smile, “I hear you have something going on that needs some…let’s call it expertise?”

Kate stepped forward, forcing them to step back as she let herself in the house. Nicole cast a look at Waverly, letting her displeasure show as she closed the door. Waverly swallowed, feeling as if she’d betrayed her by speaking to Kate. She supposed she had. Nicole had specifically asked her not to tell anyone.

“Nicole, I- “

“Not now,” she interrupted her soft words, her own coming out a little harsher than she intended.

They watched Kate walk around the living room, occasionally running her fingers over things or picking them up.

“So, you think you might have a spirit hanging around,” she asked and then looked at them, “Rad. Is she here now?”

Nicole crossed her arms defensively but didn’t respond.

“Well, there’s definitely energy here.”

“Energy?” Waverly asked nervously.

“Thought you just read your little cards,” Nicole remarked coldly.

Kate gave her a smile, used to skeptical responses like that.

“There’s a bit more to it than just little cards,” she told her, picking up a framed photograph of Michelle and the girls for a second, “We’re all made up of energy, Haught. And when we go, we leave a little behind until it eventually thins out and disappears over time. That energy is what draws out certain cards, they respond to it. That’s what I read. Energy.”

“Great, well if you just came to give the house a vibe check, I think you wasted a trip.”

Kate came to a stop at the bottom of the stairs and looked up. Nicole watched Wynonna stand up from her seat on the step as she looked in her general direction. Kate’s eyes narrowed a bit in thought.

“Definitely energy,” she said and started ascending the stairs.

“What are you- “Nicole quickly turned to Waverly, “What is she doing?”

“I don’t know. Maybe- “

“What did you ask her to come for?” Nicole asked, “What did you want her to do?”

“I don’t- “she let out a sigh and pinched the bridge of her nose, “I don’t know. I asked her about the cards and then we had a few drinks and…I just know she’s big into this stuff. I guess I thought maybe she could give us some answers.”

“Answers to what?” she asked, “What questions do you have that you need her to answer? I told you I could talk to Wynonna for you. I told you, and you never wanted to talk about it. But you talk to her?”

Waverly’s mouth opened and closed; her lips tripping over words she couldn’t seem to find.

“This is her room?” Nicole’s head snapped up when she heard Kate’s question.

“Hey!”

She darted up the stairs, long legs skipping two at a time as she hurried. Waverly let out a heavy sigh and she took off the hat that Nicole had gifted to her just minutes ag when they were just talking and smiling. She dropped it on the couch and followed after them quickly. She got upstairs and instantly heard Nicole’s raised voice from the hall.

“…hell do you think you’re doing?” she heard her ask angrily, “You can’t just let yourself in wherever you want.”

She found them in Wynonna’s room, Nicole standing in front of Kate to keep her from going in further.

“Easy,” Kate said holding up her hands, “I’m just going where it tells me to.”

“Bullshit, you’re just being nosy,” she argued.

“Nicole,” Waverly said, hoping to calm her down.

“What?” she snapped towards her.

“Hey, calm down,” Wynonna said beside Waverly, “Just let her do her Professor X thing and then you two can talk after. Ok?”

Nicole swallowed, looking at everyone and then shook her head. She threw her hand up in frustration.

“Fine,” she went to the farthest wall and leaned against it with arms crossed, “Whatever. Don’t touch anything.”

Kate nodded at her before taking a deep breath and closing her eyes for a moment. Nicole watched her and clucked her tongue.

“This is ridiculous,” Nicole mumbled quietly, stewing in the corner.

“More ridiculous than talking to a dead girl for nearly a year?”

Nicole pressed her tongue into the back of her teeth, right called out. She really couldn’t argue that point.

Wynonna laughed and bumped her with her hip. She then looked to her sister. Waverly was standing awkwardly aside, chewing on a fingernail as her eyes flicked anxiously from Nicole to Kate and back again.

“Don’t be mad at her,” she requested, “She’s trying to help. In her way.”

“Not mad,” Nicole said in barely a whisper, “Upset. Hurt.”

Kate opened her eyes and pointed towards the bed, “There.”

“The bed?” Waverly asked, “What about it?”

“There’s something there,” Kate told them, “Something…clouded. Something important.”

“It’s all important,” Nicole said, not moving from her spot.

“What’s important about a bed?” Waverly asked.

“If she only knew, eh?” Wynonna said jokingly, a mischievous spark in her eye.

Nicole smirked at her words as Kate moved to stand at the foot of the mattress, looking over it with intense eyes.

“There’s something here. Hidden,” Kate said and took a breath.

Nicole looked at Wynonna, expecting to see a look mirroring her own thoughts at the dramatic display. Strangely, Wynonna suddenly didn’t look amused at all. There was something on her face Nicole hadn’t seen for a while. Worry?

“What is it?” she asked her quietly.

Wynonna’s eyes traveled over to Kate and then returned to Nicole, “Tell her to leave.”

“What?” Nicole asked with a confused laugh, “You said- “

“I changed my mind,” she interrupted, “Please.”

Nicole nodded and looked back to them; Waverly was lowering to her knees to look under the bed. A spot they hadn’t gotten to in their first session. She cleared her throat.

“That’s enough,” she told them, “Time for you to leave. I mean it.”

Waverly stood up then, holding what she’d found under the bed. She looked at the item in her hands and shrugged.

“It’s just her backpack.”

“Nicole,” Wynonna said pleadingly.

“I said it’s enough.”

She walked over and took the backpack from Waverly. As soon as she took hold, Kate inhaled loudly.

“Whoa,” she voiced and looked around eyes stopping in the corner where Wynonna was standing, “Energy just got all kinds of swirly in here.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Nicole declared, “Go. Now.”

“What’s going on? Is something…” Waverly lowered her voice a bit and looked at Nicole, “Did she say something?”

“It’s in the bag,” Kate said, “Something’s inside.”

“I told you it doesn’t matter. Leave!”

“I think it does matter,” Kate said and suddenly grabbed the bag.

Nicole’s hand tightened around the handle at the unexpected action. Knuckles white as she kept her from taking it.

“Don’t touch it!” she demanded, using her other hand to push at her and speaking with a tight jaw, “Let go.”

“Don’t you want to know what it is?” she asked, tugging on it, “Aren’t you the least bit curious what’s hidden in here? Maybe hidden from you?”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about. Let go!”

“This is why I’m here.”

“Guys, calm down,” Waverly tried to interject.

“I don’t give a shit why you’re here. I didn’t invite you.”

“Guys!”

“Well, it’s not your house, is it?”

“Stop it!”

Waverly went over to them, grabbing the first free part of the bag she could get a hold of.

“Here, give it to me and then everyone can calm down.”

“Let go!” Nicole told Kate again.

“You let go!”

The three of them pulled in a twisted game of tug-o-war until the harsh rip of the old, worn-down canvas sent the content spilling onto the floor.

“No!” Wynonna gasped, hands going to her mouth.

Nicole looked at her briefly then to the torn bag she was left holding. Her eyes turning dark and furious at the destruction of one of Wynonna’s things.

“Look what you did!” she shoved her back, “You ripped it and for what? Notebooks and folders? Fuck you, Kate!”

Kate looked down at the scattered mess that Waverly was already in the process of cleaning up. Gathering the books and then moving to collect loose papers into the folder. Her eyes caught on one; a sheet of notebook paper filled with her sister’s scratchy handwriting. She paused her actions and skimmed the page, stopping as soon as she realized what it was. She lifted her head, looking up.

“Nicole,” she said softly.

When she looked at her, eyes still ablaze, Waverly lifted the paper, offering it to her.

“No, don’t!” Wynonna said, “Nicole, don’t.”

Nicole looked her way, confused by the desperation in her voice.

“What is it?” she asked her, one hand accepting the page from Waverly.

“It’s-It’s not important,” Wynonna said, moving quickly towards her and grabbing Nicole’s face with two shaking hands. Keeping her eyes completely on her instead of the paper, “Please, please. Don’t look at it. I love you, ok? That’s what mattered-what matters. Don’t-No!”

Nicole couldn’t help herself as her eyes drifted down to read it. Wynonna turned away, hands on her face muffling her words that sounded like the repetition of her earlier ones. That it didn’t matter.

Nicole’s eyes ran over the words, written in a script she knew all too well. The page began to crinkle under her tightening fingers, and she felt her breath become quicker the more she read.

“What is this?” she asked, jerking her head to look at Wynonna and saying it louder, not giving a damn that Kate was there to see her do so, “What the fuck is this?!”

“Nicole,” Waverly said her name again, her voice so gentle that it hurt to hear.

Nicole shook her head and stomped out of the room, pulling her arm out of Waverly’s reach when she tried. Waverly stared after her for several moments, not moving a muscle until the slamming of the back door echoed through the house and caused her to flinch.

“What was it?” Kate wondered.

Having forgotten she was there for a moment, Waverly picked herself off the floor and cleared her throat.

“You should go,” she said simply, “I’m sorry about all of this.”

X

Nicole threw open the barn door and went inside. She immediately grabbed the first thing she saw, a hammer, and heaved it as hard as she could. It smashed into the mirror, shattering it to pieces.

The loud smashing sound was almost satisfying to the storm of emotion swirling through her, but it wasn’t enough. She began to pace furiously back and forth as her body searched for an outlet. The paper wrinkling in her still clenched fist.

“How could you do this? How could…” she grabbed at her hair and pulled, letting out a scream, “Why?!”

“Nicole, please. It’s not what you think.”

“It’s not?” she asked, “You weren’t going to break up with me? In a fucking letter?!”

“No! I wasn’t!” she tried to argue, “It was a thought. Just a thought. Just for a minute. Obviously, I didn’t go through with it.”

“But you thought it! You-you wrote it out,” Nicole crumpled the page into a ball and threw it; putting all her strength into it as she had the hammer, though the paper didn’t fly with any of the force the tool had, “You kept it! Why? In case you had the thought again. In case of emergency break glass? Break up?”

“No! No, it wasn’t-I don’t know why I kept it, ok? You came over the night I wrote it and I shoved it in that stupid folder so you wouldn’t see it,” she explained, “I was gonna toss it when you left but you spent the night and by morning I forgot. That’s how you know it wasn’t for real, I completely forgot it existed, ok?”

“But why does it exist?” she shouted, “Hours ago you were telling me how much you loved me and now I find out you wanted to dump me? Even if it was just for a second, I don’t understand!”

“Because you were gonna stay!” Wynonna shouted back at her, “You were talking yourself out of accepting the scholarship. I thought, I thought if it weren’t for us, you would’ve done anything to go.”

Nicole shook her head.

“No, it was because it wasn’t practical. The risk versus reward was- “

“Don’t give me that bullshit,” Wynonna interrupted, “You should’ve been willing to rob a bank to go, even if there was chance of washing out. Just to go; get away from that woman in your house. I didn’t want you to keep you from being great. I didn’t want to be the excuse for you not being as amazing as you can be.”

Nicole growled and spun around, throwing her foot through a crate with a chaotic crash.

“You weren’t an excuse! You were never an excuse!” she yelled spinning around to face her again, “You were a reason! The reason, my reason for everything! God damn it, Wynonna. I’ve been holding onto you with both hands since the day we met. I never could have imagined leaving you, but you could. You did. Even if it was just for minute, you still considered it. You thought about leaving and-AHH!”

She let out a guttural scream, deep from her chest, unable to pick just one feeling and articulate it from the myriad that was flying through her.

“You did leave!” she spun around, bracing her fists against the old wood wall and pressing her forehead against the rough surface, “You left! You died and you left! It was supposed to be us! It was supposed to be…”

She tucked her fists into her stomach and felt herself begin to sink to the ground. Her voice losing strength as she slowly crumpled down until sitting in a heap on the floor.

“You left,” she sobbed, “You left.”

She felt a hand lay tentatively on her shoulder. Reaching up, she took hold of it tightly. She held it to her cheek, closing her eyes as tears fell steadily down her face. She sniffled and kissed the hand before turning around. She expected to see Wynonna, but it was Waverly’s face she saw through the haze of tears.

Nicole fell into her, burying her face into her and let herself be held as she continued to fall apart. The anger she hadn’t known she held was expelled and she gave herself over to the tears and the comfort of Waverly’s arms.

After several minutes, she managed to speak through hitching breaths.

“Waverly?”

“I’m here,” she said, stroking the head in her lap.

“I think,” her words interrupted by the unsteady breath, “I need help.”

X

X

X

X

Chapter Text

“Wynonna?” Waverly asked, following her sister’s voice after hearing her call for her.

She popped her head into her bedroom and saw her sister standing in front of the mirror. In her jeans and topless, save for a bra, she was holding different shirts against her chest. Waverly stepped into the room, watching the scene with confusion.

“What’s going on?”

Wynonna groaned and threw them both away aside. She looked at Waverly helplessly and dropped her hands.

“I don’t know what to wear,” she said, only increasing her confusion.

“What?” she let out a chuckle, “Since when do you care what you wear? Isn’t your style usually based on more of a smelling policy?”

The look her sister gave her told Waverly this apparently wasn’t a situation where jokes were appreciated. So, she held her hands up in apology.

“I care since…” she huffed and flopped onto her bed, “Since I’m going on a date with Nicole tonight.”

“Ok,” Waverly said slowly, “Maybe I missed something, but have you guys been dating for a couple weeks now?”

“Nooo,” Wynonna whined and tugged a hanger from under her back. She tapped it against her leg and sighed loudly, “We’ve been fooling around for weeks.”

“Oh,” Waverly sat on the bed beside her and rubbed her hands together awkwardly, “Just to be clear, by fooling around you mean…”

Wynonna lifted her head enough to look at her.

“Sex, BabyGirl,” she said directly, “We’ve been having sex.”

“Right,” she nodded as Wynonna dropped her head again, “So why are you so nervous now?”

“Because it’s different. Sex is easy. Sex is great. And sex with Nicole is- “

“I-I get it,” she interrupted holding up her hand, “You don’t have to give me details.”

“But this is a date,” she went on, “Like dinner and talking, a for real date. I don’t…I don’t want to mess it up.”

Waverly looked down at her sister. She bit her lip and took a second before she cleared her throat.

“You must…you really like her, huh?”

A smile appeared on her face as she looked up at her and spoke softly.

“I really do,” she told her, “She’s special BabyGirl.”

“Well,” she said, forcing pep into her voice, “then let’s get you glammed.”

With Waverly’s help and assurance that she looked great, Wynonna was able to decide on an outfit that seemed date appropriate while still being her.

“You have an eye, Waves,” Wynonna said, angling to look at her back in the mirror.

Waverly smiled as she started hanging up the discarded clothing back into the closet.

“She might just forget all about the dating thing and just go straight to the good stuff.”

Waverly listened to her musings and her movements slowed.

“Hey Wynonna?” she asked, purposely keeping her eyes focused on her task, “How did you know…”

She paused, feeling the words get stuck in her throat. Her stomach fluttered with nerves, and she was glad she wasn’t facing Wynonna. No doubt her fear and anxiousness were all over her face. She stared at the closet in front of her, eyes looking over it’s contents as she tried to find the bravery for the words.

“How did I what?” Wynonna asked fully turning around.

Waverly blinked and looked at the item in her hand. She put on a smile and held it up as she turned around.

“Find the confidence to try leather pants?” she covered, throwing an amused laugh in for good measure.

Wynonna smirked, “Fake it ‘til you make it, BabyGirl.”

X

Nicole sat in the waiting room, hands clasped between her knees and her leg bouncing furiously. There was one other person waiting as well, but thankfully it wasn’t anyone she knew, and they seemed as content to ignore her as she was them.

She wished Wynonna was there, but she’d said she didn’t want to influence what she said by being present. She wanted her to be able to say and hear whatever was needed without worrying about her.

She wished Waverly was there, but she’d said pretty much the same thing. She didn’t want her to feel any kind of pressure.

The two of them thinking so similarly, amazed Nicole while simultaneously adding to her confusion about the whole ordeal.

Both of them promising to be there for her as soon as she was done. That did make her feel a little better, even if it did nothing for her nerves. She knew this was the right thing to do, trusted Waverly’s advice on where to go.

But it was still terrifying.

Her jittering leg halted, and she sat up straight when she heard a door open. Quiet voices sounded around the corner from the waiting area. She couldn’t tell what was said but knew there were two of them even though only one man appeared.

She assumed there was a separate path to exit after leaving which made sense. She supposed people leaving would be feeling emotional and no one wanted a room of strangers to get a look at them in a vulnerable state. She knew she was glad to know there was an escape route waiting for her.

The man stepped around the corner nodding to the secretary at the desk and accepting a file from her. He read it over quickly before looking towards Nicole with a kind smile on his uniquely bearded face.

“Nicole Haught?”

She gave a jerky nod as she stood. Wiping her hands on her jeans, she crossed the room.

“I’m Dr. Svane,” he introduced himself, “Come on in.”

She nodded again and followed him back into his office.

X

“No!” Chrissy said, shocked by what she’d heard, “Seriously?”

“Seriously,” Waverly confirmed from across the table of the café they were in, “He showed up, out of nowhere and attacked her. And he said the nastiest things. I swear, I might have hit him if Doc didn’t get there first.”

“Jesus I can’t believe that” Chrissy said, shaking her head, “So, it’s definitely over?”

“Definitely. Really, it’s been over for a while. I just made it official. I should have a while ago,” she took a sip of coffee and shook her head, “I don’t even know how he knew to show up there, you know? How he knew we’d be there.”

Chrissy winced, the action not going unnoticed by Waverly.

“Chrissy,” she said her name slowly, putting her mug down and focusing completely at her, “Chris…what did you do?”

“I may have mentioned it,” she confessed and quickly added, “I’m sorry! I didn’t know he’d go caveman on Nicole.”

“Chrissy,” she rubbed her forehead.

“He asked if I was with you and I didn’t think, I said you were going to the party. I didn’t know it was supposed to be a secret and I didn’t even mention Nicole.”

Waverly sighed and sat back in the chair.

“It’s fine,” she said, “It wasn’t-It wasn’t a secret, it just…it’s fine.”

Chrissy ran her thumb up and down the side of her mug as she thought.

“Speaking of secrets,” she started, “Is there anything you want to tell me?”

“About what?”

“About you, about Nicole,” she said carefully, “You guys have been spending a lot of time together. Going to parties together.”

“Nicole and I,” she said and sighed again, “It’s complicated.”

“I’m sure,” she agreed.

Waverly ran a hand through her hair.

“It’s like one step forward two steps back,” she explained, looking down at the cream tanned liquid in her mug, “There are times when it’s like we’re totally on the same page. When it’s so easy, you know? But then something happens and we’re chapters apart.”

Chrissy nodded, unsure if Waverly was saying what it sounded like. If she even knew what it sounded like. She glanced around the cage for a moment before speaking again.

“But you’re…” she considered her words carefully, “…reading the same book as Nicole?”

Waverly looked up, eyes flashing with fear briefly as she realized what was really being asked. Her fingers fiddled anxiously with the necklace chain around her neck. She considered making an excuse, backtracking into safe territory. She pulled out Wynona’s necklace, clasping the charms tightly and asking her sister for help. Wishing she was the one who could see her and hear words of advice. Wishing even more she was the one she was having the conversation with.

“Not the exact same…book,” she answered, using the same code, “But the same…series.”

Chrissy nodded, taking in the words for what they truly were.

“When did you know you…were a fan?” she asked, “Of the books?”

“I’ve always, you know, kind of, wondered about the story; been interested. I just wasn’t sure how to tell anyone I might like to, you know, read them. Or how to find the right one on the-the shelf.”

“And now you have?”

Waverly nodded with a shaking breath. She could feel her hands shaking as they clasped together tighter, her eyes began to burn, and her stomach felt uneasy. Her eyes stayed on her hands, terrified to see what her best friend’s expression might be.

“I think so. I know not everyone is a fan, especially in a smaller, um, library. I don’t want things to change between us because of it, but I am,” she swallowed, “I’m a big fan.”

Chrissy reached over, covering her unsteady hands, and giving them a squeeze. Waverly finally looked up at the action and saw the smile on her friend’s face, her eyes wet with tears.

“I’m glad you found your story, Waverly,” she told her honestly, “You’re my best friend. I just want you to be happy, no matter what book you’re reading. And if you ever want to tell me what, uh, color your book jacket is or want a buddy for the um, big…book sale…I’m sorry can we drop the code for a second?”

Waverly chuckled and wiped her face, “Yeah.”

“Oh good,” Chrissy laughed a bit, “If you’re happy Waves, I’m happy for you. Nothing changes that. If anyone gives you trouble, I’m happy to kick their asses right out of our little library, and I mean that. I love you.”

“Thank you,” she gave a watery smile, turning her hands over to squeeze hers as well, “That means so much, Chrissy. You’re the first person I’ve told and…the thought of losing you, or anyone, it’s what’s kept me from saying anything.”

“You could never lose me, lady,” she promised, “Come on, I don’t sit around talking about books with just anyone.”

X

Dr. Svane looked at Nicole thoughtfully as she sat on the couch across from him in his office.

“You know, Nicole, it might not seem like it, but this anger you described is a good thing. It’s a stage of grieving.”

“But I shouldn’t be mad at her. It wasn’t her fault,” she said with a quivering voice.

“It’s nobody’s fault, Nicole. It was an accident. A terrible, terrible accident. But it isn’t anybody’s fault.”

“That’s not true,” she mumbled.

“Ok,” he nodded, “Whose fault do you think it is?”

“Mine,” she answered, her voice croaking on the word, “It’s my fault.”

“Mm, what do you think makes it your fault then?”

“Everything,” she said, rubbing the scarred tissue at her temple, “I shouldn’t have made her leave when we did. I shouldn’t have let her drive. I shouldn’t have lost my cool at the party. We shouldn’t have been there at all.”

“I see,” he nodded, rubbing his hand over his beard, “Did you force her to leave the party?”

“No, but- “

“And did you shove the keys in her hands?” he asked, “Demand that she drive?”

“No,” she said again, “But we wouldn’t have been there at all that night if it weren’t for me.”

“Right, you dragged her there against her will.”

“Of course not,” she said defensively, “I would never.”

“Well, taking all that into account, it sounds like Wynonna made her own decisions,” he told her conclusively, “As I said it was an accident. A great tragedy of life, Nicole, is that sometimes things happen that are beyond our control. Bad things. One second sooner or later, one inch left or right, and everything changes. That hindsight curses us with the knowledge of all the differences that could have altered them, but we have no way to know while we’re in the moment. That’s where the guilt comes from, showing us the choices and telling us we could and should have done something different. But it lies to us, Nicole. That blame you’ve internalized is lying to you.”

Nicole sniffled, looking down, “But it…”

She paused, wiping her sleeve across the tears rolling smoothly over her cheeks. She shook her head and lifted her eyes to face him.

“It has to be my fault.”

“Why?”

“Because…” she took a hitching breath and choked out her words, “if it isn’t my fault that means…it means there’s nothing I could have done to change it. There has to be something. I know there’s something I could have done to-to save her. I could have called for help sooner. Maybe she could have…could have survived if they’d gotten there sooner. I could have listened to her when she came to my house weeks before that stupid party even happened, and we would’ve been gone. It has to be my fault. It has to.”

He grabbed the tissue box from the coffee table between them and placed it directly in front of her. She took one out and used it to mop up the tears that she had no chance of stopping.

“This isn’t something we can work through all at once, Nicole. Grief is messy and it’s hard. There are peaks and valleys. One day you can feel like you’re handling it and healing from it and the next it can feel brand new,” he told her gently, “It takes time, but I promise you we can get you through it. I can help you if you’re willing to keep coming back here and doing the hard part.”

Nicole nodded. Sniffling again and taking off her glasses and pressing the clumped tissue against her eyes. She cleared away the mess of her running nose and threw it in the small trash bin. She nodded again, agreeing to what he said, unsure if she could manage anymore words in the moment.

“Today was a good start,” he praised, “We’re about out of time for today, but I’m going to give you something. Think of it as a homework assignment for you to do before our next session.”

“What kind of homework?” she asked, clearing the lump in her throat.

He crossed the room to his file cabinet and took a small notebook from a lower drawer. With it in hand, he went back to sit on the table in front of her and offered it.

“Take this with you,” he said as she accepted the book, “We’ve focused today on what’s already happened, and we’ll continue to do that rightly. But with this, I want you to think about the future. I want you to go home and over the next week, I want you to think about what scares or concerns you about the future.”

“But…should I focus on dealing with the past before I try to think about the future?”

“You’ve been focused on what happened for almost a year now. This is to force you, for lack of a better word, to consider your future after this. Think about what you might consider a negative waiting at the other side of the grief and write it down. It can be as simple as a single word, or you can fill the pages explaining it. Whatever you want.”

“Just…something? Anything?”

“Anything.”

“Ok, I think I can do that.”

She scheduled her next session and, as she suspected, was directed to a separate exit after leaving his office. She texted Waverly that she was finished and waited outside for her to pick her up. Using the time alone to think over everything that had been said.

When Waverly picked her up, knew she shouldn’t ask specific questions about the actual session, so when Nicole got in the car she settled for a generic, “How did it go?”

“Rough,” she answered honestly and took a breath, “But I’ll keep going back.”

She felt a hand on her shoulder and saw Wynonna in the rearview sitting behind her. Their eyes met in the reflection and Wynonna’s hand squeezed.

“I’m proud of you.”

Dinner that evening was a quiet affair; even Dozer seemed to understand it had been a heavy day and stayed dutifully silent sitting beside Nicole’s chair. He didn’t ask for his usual scraps, though she snuck him some anyway.

After the food was done and the table cleared and cleaned, the girls went out back and Waverly made a fire. The two settled in front of it in side-by-side chairs under the starry sky, Dozer sitting beside her and resting his head on her leg. They didn’t say much as they sat there, but Nicole didn’t feel the need to. She knew she could bring up the incident with Kate and ask Waverly why she’d felt the need to bring her over. But again, she didn’t feel the need.

It was nice just sitting with her, indulging in the elusive peace of the silent presence of the two Earp sisters. It was strange the way one had led her to the other. How they were the two most important people in her life. It felt like a mess of her own making, and one that didn’t have an easy answer. But for the moment, she didn’t want to dwell on it. She wanted to sit among them on a nice night and just be.

Her hand rested on the soft fur between Dozer’s ears as Xavier’s advice wiggled against her brain where it was still nestled. Dr. Svane’s mention of the future echoing behind it.

“Hey,” Waverly’s soft voice joined the crackling sounds of the fire, getting Nicole to look at her, “Are you ok?”

Nicole gave her a small smile and nodded, “Just thinking.”

“Anything you’re comfortable sharing?”

Nicole looked over the fire, watching the glow of the flames dance across Wynonna’s face, as she started running her fingers over the bracelet still on her wrist.

After a moment, she reached into her pocket and retrieved the nearly full carton of cigarettes. She looked at Waverly with a smirk as she held it up enough for her to see before tossing it onto the fire. Waverly lifted her eyebrows and gave a little laugh.

“Interesting way to quit,” she said, “What brought this on?”

“Sort of been thinking about it for a while,” she answered with a shrug, “Rumor is it’s bad for you.”

“I have heard that,” she grinned then nodded to the fire, “You know that’s going to smell horrible in a second.”

“Yeah,” Nicole chuckled, “Probably should’ve picked a less dramatic way to quit, huh?”

Almost as soon as she said it, Waverly’s nose wrinkled. The bundle of cigarettes burning up all at once caused a strong stink to reach them. Even Dozer showed his displeasure and whined, sneezing once and trotting off towards the house for cleaner air.

“Oh man,” Nicole huffed, waving her hand through the air in front of her while Waverly stood up and pinched her nose shut.

“Told you.”

“I’ll get the hose,” Nicole said with a laugh.

Waverly stayed behind her as Nicole sprayed down the fire and killed it, though it would do little for the smell already present in their noses. Once it was nothing but dying whisps of smoke, she dropped the hose and looked at Waverly.

“My bad?”

Waverly laughed and placed her hand on Nicole’s arm for a moment.

“It’s fine,” she assured and looked around, “An early night never hurt anyone, right?”

“Right,” she answered and looked at the sodden mess of half burnt wood, “You remember the other day on the roof, I was gonna tell you something?”

“Uh-huh.”

“It’s nothing major, or, I don’t know, for you it’s probably not, but…” she scratched her temple, self-consciously, “I’ve been thinking it’s about time I…I move out of the barn. You know, into-into the room?”

“Nicole that’s-that’s the definition of major. That’s a big deal,” she told her, “Are you sure you’re ready?”

“Not really,” she said truthfully and glanced to Wynonna who wore a small smile and nodding her encouragement, “But it’s…it’s time.”

“Ok, well we can finish going through it this weekend and set you up,” Waverly planed, “Unless you change your mind, which is completely cool.”

Nicole nodded, “Sounds like a plan.”

“Yeah. Yeah, ok, good,” she nodded and looked around, “I should, I’ll let you get to bed then. It’s been a long day.”

“Yeah, probably a good idea.”

Waverly nodded again before suddenly stepping forward. She pushed up on her toes and daringly placed a kiss on Nicole’s cheek. When she stepped back, with Nicole’s eyes on her, she was grateful for the darkness as she felt a blush heat up her own face.

“Goodnight, Nicole.”

“Goodnight,” she replied softly, fighting the desire to touch her fingers over the spot on her cheek as she watched her return to the house; Dozer running in the open door alongside her.

X

In the barn, Nicole sat at the head of the bed, the notebook propped up against her bent knees. Wynonna was beside her, sliding her fingers through Nicole’s hair as she watched her stare at the blank page. The pen twisted in her hand, her thumb clicking it repeatedly.

Reading her as she always could, Wynonna leaned down towards her ear and spoke softly.

“Go ahead,” she said, knowing what she struggled over writing, “It’s ok.”

She flexed her hand and clicked the pen once again, this time with purpose, and started to write. She held her breath as each letter inked the page until the words strung together and silently confessed her deepest worry about the future.

I’m afraid I won’t be able to love W anyone the way I loved her.

X

X

X

Chapter Text

“I don’t know why we’re fighting,” she declared, throwing her hands up.

“We’re not fighting,” Wynonna snapped, crossing her arms.

“Well, why are you mad at me?” she nearly shouted, “Because it feels like you’re mad at me.”

“I’m not! I just, why are you so-ugh,” she groaned in frustration, “You’re always so- “

“What?” Nicole challenged stepping closer, “I’m what? Useless? Annoying? Stupid?”

“Stop that!” Wynonna demanded shoving her palms against her chest but grabbing her shirt, so she didn’t actually move back, “Stop saying that stuff. I’m not-I’m not her! Stop acting like I’m gonna treat you like she does.”

Nicole looked down for a moment and nodded her head.

“You’re right,” she said and lifted her eyes, “I’m sorry. You’re right. What, uh, what were you going to say then?”

“Selfless,” she answered, “That’s what I was about to say. You’re always so damn selfless.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

“In moderation, no. But all the time?” she tugged on Nicole’s shirt front in frustration, “You can’t live your life like that all the time.”

“All I said was you didn’t have to come to the game,” she replied, “It’s not a big deal. I don’t understand why you’re upset.”

“Because you want me to come, right? I know you do. I was trying…” she clenched her fists tighter around the fabric, “I was trying to get you to tell me what you want. I swear it’s like pulling teeth sometimes.”

“So, what, you were testing me?” she asked, “What the hell, Wynonna?”

“No, you what the hell,” she said back, “Why is it so impossible for you to stand up for yourself for a second? For once? If I say I’m going out with Rosita the night of your game and you want me there. Just say it.”

“If you want to go out with your friend- “

“Please, stop thinking of other people for a second,” she interrupted, “You’re allowed to want things, too. Right now, what do you want?”

Nicole ran a hand through her hair.

“I want you, ok? I want you. At my game. At all of my games. With me, all the time,” she said passionately, “Is that what you want to hear?”

“If it’s the truth, then yes. It’s exactly what I want to hear,” she said, her voice calmer.

“It is,” she nodded, “Wynonna Earp, I want you to come to the game tonight, and you better be the loudest voice out there.”

“Yes ma’am,” she grinned, sliding her hands up her chest, “Is there anything else you want right now? While we’re here, in my bedroom. All alone.”

“Mm, I guess now that you mention it.”

She leaned down and looped her hands beneath her waist. Wynonna squeaked as Nicole suddenly lifted her up. Walking them towards the bed as Wynonna kissed her, Nicole decided she could get used to asking for what she wanted.

X

Nicole rubbed the sandpaper up and down the wood, smoothing it down. She blew the dusty remnants of sawdust away and stood back to smile at her work. It was almost perfect.

“What’s all this?”

Nicole turned around quickly, surprised to see Waverly in the doorway.

“Oh, you…I thought you’d be gone longer.”

“That was the plan. I forgot the library does their interactive story time today,” she informed her as she walked into the room, “Hard to concentrate on online work when there’s a bunch of kids shouting lines from Peter Pan as loud as their squeaky voices can manage.”

“I bet.”

“Anyway, what are you doing?”

“Well, it was supposed to be a surprise. I wanted it to be finished before you got back, but…” she stepped aside with a small shrug, “A promise is a promise.”

Waverly looked confused for a second, putting her bag down on her bed and stepping closer as she realized what Nicole had done.

“Did you…”

Nicole grinned and grabbed her dust rag, wiping the window frame over again once more.

“Go ahead,” she nodded towards it, “Give it a test run.”

Waverly moved forward and lifted the window, opening it with ease. She smiled brightly at the smooth movement as she brought it back down again.

“It’s perfect!” she told her happily.

“Well, I still have to stain it to match the rest of the – “

Waverly grabbed her hand, stopping her words.

“It’s perfect,” she repeated, “You did this for me?”

Nicole shrugged self-consciously, “You asked me to.”

“No, don’t do that. Don’t downplay it,” Waverly said, squeezing the hand still in hers, “This is…it’s one of the nicest things anyone has done for me without expecting something back. And you did it.”

Nicole looked at Waverly, taking in the brightness in her eyes at such a small act. She felt her lips twitch and a sense of pride swell in her chest at having put it there.

She thought back to her last appointment with Dr. Svane. After a lengthy and difficult discussion, this time focusing more on her childhood and time with her mother, he’d asked about what she’d written. He’d assured her it was an understandable fear, but she couldn’t let it cripple her to the idea of someday loving someone else.

“But it wouldn’t be fair to…to the person, would it?” Nicole asked nervously, “To have to wonder if they’re being compared to her?”

“Yes, that would be unfair,” he nodded, “I suppose it comes down to your reassurances. Making your feelings and intentions clear to them. Making it so they feel and trust your feelings as true and genuine.”

“But what if it’s not the same?”

“Nicole, no two loves are the same. First love, last love, lost love. Relationships end everyday and new ones begin. It doesn’t make one any more or less than the other. And if you find yourself with those feelings, it can be as real as what you’ve had before.”

“Nicole?” Waverly’s voice snapped her back to the present, “Where’d you go?”

“Nowhere, just thinking,” she said vaguely, “You want me to finish this now or get out of your hair?”

“You can finish,” she nodded, “I’ll just sit and read if that’s ok?”

Nicole picked up the can of stain and tapped the lid a few times.

“This stuff smells,” she told her, “Makes the room all chemical-y for a while. If you want to get some reading done in here, should probably wait to do this on a day you’ll be out.”

“Ok,” Waverly nodded and moved to sit cross-legged on the bed, “Well, if you don’t do it, what’s your plan for the rest of the day?”

“I don’t know,” she shrugged again, “Gus ordered the stuff for the barn, but it’ll take a week or so to get here. Guess I’ll just keep getting the room settled, maybe go to town and price what I need for the truck.”

Waverly picked at the comforter for a second before asking, “Are you hungry? We could finally get those tacos we missed out on. Stop at the auto place while we’re out?”

“Oh, didn’t you want to do your work?”

“It can wait,” she answered and then had a second thought, “Unless you don’t want to. I’m not trying to cramp your style.”

“What style?” Nicole chuckled, “No, it’s nothing like that. I just don’t want to take you away from anything important.”

“That’s the joy of online classes, I’m already ahead enough that it can sit for a few days.”

“Ok, if you’re sure. Sounds great,” she nodded and started gathering her things. She paused when she had a thought, “Actually, would you mind if we got the food to go? Bring Dozer and take it to the park?”

“Oh, sure that sounds fun,” Waverly agreed, “That’s a good idea.”

“It’s just I haven’t been spending as much time with him lately as I used to and I’m worried he might think, I don’t know. It’s probably dumb, but I don’t want him to think he’s not important to me, you know?”

Waverly smiled, “That’s not dumb. It’s sweet. Yeah, we’ll take him out, let him run around by the lake.”

“Cool,” Nicole said with a smile of her own, “Thanks. I’ll see you downstairs?”

“Yep.”

Nicole nodded and took everything she’d brought in out of the room. After washing her hands and changing her shirt, she went downstairs looking for the dog.

“Dozer, come here,” she called out when she didn’t see him.

She wandered the house and clicked her tongue when she saw Gus’ door was left open again. Sure enough, there he was, laying on her mattress and wrinkling up the comforter with his big body.

“Buddy,” she said with a laugh as she approached, “What is it with you doing this, huh?”

She sat on the edge of the mattress near his head and stroked the fur between his ears.

“Why do you like coming up where you shouldn’t, huh?”

His big brown eyes looked up at without lifting his head. She gave him a smile and leaned down near his ear.

“Hey,” she said with a lilt of excitement in her voice, “You wanna go to the park? Huh? Park?”

That perked him up and he stood on the mattress, tail already wagging.

“Yeah, you want to go, don’t you?”

He let out an excited bark and stepped onto her lap, causing Nicole to let out a groan while he started licking her face.

“Ok, ok,” she laughed, rubbing his sides when she stepped back off of her legs. She smiled and pet his head while he kept looking at her.

“I know things have gotten kinda crazy the last few months,” she said to him, “I haven’t been the best at spending time with you lately. I’m sorry about that.”

As if understanding her words, he stepped forward again and pressed his head into her chest.

“No more though,” she promised, leaned down to place a kiss on his head, “I’m working on myself, bud. I’m going to get better. For me and you and…everyone.”

She sighed, leaning back so she could look at his face.

“You like it here, don’t you?” she asked, “You like everyone? Waverly? Yeah. You wanna know something?”

She dropped her head against his and whispered, “I like her, too. A lot. What do you think of that?”

He let out a short bark and Nicole laughed.

“Don’t get too excited, now,” she told him, “I’m still figuring it out. But at least I have your approval.”

She stood up and clapped her hands together.

“All right, let’s go. Come on.”

X

Sitting at a table in the park, Nicole smiled to herself at the sight of Waverly devouring her tacos.

“Mm,” she hummed after what was apparently a particularly tasty bite. She wiped her lip and looked up, catching the amused look on Nicole’s face. Covering her mouth from view with her hand, she asked, “What?”

“Nothing,” Nicole answered still smiling, “I’ve just never seen someone so into a vegan taco.”

Waverly swallowed the food in her mouth and grinned.

“It’s so good,” she said, “You want to try?”

“No, I’m good.”

“Come on,” she encouraged and held it towards her, “Don’t you want to know what all the fuss is about?”

Nicole laughed and leaned over the table, taking a bite of it straight from Waverly’s hand. Waverly watched her do it, trying not to think on how intimate it seemed.

“Yep,” Nicole nodded with a full mouth, “Pretty good.”

Shaking herself out of her thought, Waverly said, “Wow, thought you going to take my fingers for a second.”

Nicole wiped her mouth, “Next time keep your hand flat. Like feeding a horse.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

Nicole smirked and finished off her own food. She wiped her hands together and looked at Dozer for a moment. The dog was on his back in the grass beside the table, flopping his rope knot back and forth. She bent over and rubbed his belly a few times, hearing the happy little growls he made before she sat up again.

“Can I ask you something?” she asked, turning back to Waverly who was piling her trash into the bag.

“Of course.”

“How come you’ve never asked anything about Wynonna?” she wondered carefully, “After I told you?”

Waverly wiped a napkin over her mouth and twisted it between her hands for a hesitant moment.

“I’m …I was afraid, I guess.”

“Of what she’d say?”

Waverly licked her lips and shifted on the bench.

“I was afraid you’d…I was afraid you’d be able to tell that I didn’t…a hundred percent...believe it,” she finished quietly.

Nicole was quietly for a second after her words; hurt clear on her face.

“You mean, believe me?” she finally asked. Shaking her head, she exhaled loudly and let out a bitter chuckle, “That’s…That’s why you asked Kate to come, isn’t it? ‘Cause you didn’t believe me.”

“No, no it’s not like that?”

“What’s it like, then?”

“It’s, I don’t know, it’s hard to explain.”

“Try, because it sounds pretty simply where I’m sitting,” Nicole said defensively.

“I…” she sighed, “I believe you. I believe you believe it. That it’s real…to you.”

Nicole’s brows scrunched together as she digested the words. Trying to understand what, exactly, Waverly was saying.

“You think I’m crazy. That’s much better.”

“No! That’s not what I’m saying,” she denied, “I’m saying, I just think…you loved her so much, I think you-you couldn’t accept she was gone, so- “

“So, I made her up?” she interrupted. She gripped the edge of the table and dropped her head for a second, before looking back up, “I thought you believed me. I thought-I thought I could trust you. God, I thought we- “

She stopped and stood up, running her hands through her hair in frustration. Waverly jumped up, too, and rounded the table to stand in front of her.

“You can! You can trust me, Nicole. I promise.”

She went to grab her hands, but Nicole pulled away from her touch.

“Then why wouldn’t you tell me from the start?” she asked, “Why pretend and let me think you believed it? You let me walk around all this time like a fucking idiot.”

“I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“Good job,” she said, “How’d that work out?”

“Look, you were opening up, enjoying things again,” she tried desperately to explain, “I was afraid you’d shut down again. Go back to that sad place again. I didn’t want that. I’m sorry, Nicole.”

Nicole wiped her face and let out a huff of air.

“You know, I don’t know what this is either. I don’t know what she is or why she’s still here. So maybe I did…make her up because my fucked-up brain couldn’t deal with it. But if that’s what it is, at least it’s better than going on acting like she was never here at all!”

Waverly flinched back and held up a hand.

“I understand that you’re upset,” she said, trying to keep her emotional response in check, “but you don’t have to be nasty or mean.”

“I don’t-I don’t want to be mean. I just- “she shook her head, unable to find the words.

Suddenly Wynonna was there. Standing with them, watching both of them with concern in her eyes. Nicole took a breath as she felt her hand lay on her shoulder.

“You know what I think?” she started, looking from Wynonna to Waverly, “I think what you’re actually afraid of is that it is real.”

“That’s not true,” she shook her head and sniffled, “Why wouldn’t I want her to be real?”

“Ok, prove it,” Nicole requested, “Ask something. Something she would know.”

“She’s-She’s here now?”

“Right here.”

Waverly hesitated a moment and looked beside her. As always, she saw nothing, no one, except them. Twisting her fingers, she looked back at Nicole.

“Uh, ok then,” she licked her lips, “I-I used to have stupid reoccurring nightmares when I was six. What were they about?”

“Alligators in the bathtub!” Wynonna clapped her hands as she excitedly answered as if she were on a game show.

“Alligators in the bathtub,” Nicole repeated, seeing the surprise on Waverly’s face while she listened to the rest of Wynonna’s answer and relayed it, “You wouldn’t take a bath unless Wynonna sat in the room with you. It didn’t stop until you guys went to the library and checked out every book on them you could find.”

“Um, yeah. That’s-That’s right,” she stammered out, “In kindergarten, there was a girl- “

“Susie Rylan,” Nicole repeated what she was told, “She put a glue stick in your hair because you were using the yellow crayon and she wanted it. So, you told her she was adopted, and she cried.”

“How do you…” she looked at Nicole with wide eyes before shaking her head, “When did she tell you that?”

“Just now.”

“No, I mean, she-she could’ve told you before.”

Nicole chuckled and slid her hands into her pockets, “We didn’t spend our time talking about your childhood secrets.”

“Ok, wait a second, let’s just- “she pressed a hand to her forehead and laughed, “This is crazy. It can’t…Ok. Ok, she’s here right now?”

“Yes.”

“All right,” she moved a fist behind her back, “Then she can stand behind me and tell you how many fingers I’m holding.”

“I tell you things you never told anyone but her, but guess the number will make you believe?”

“Well, it’s not guessing if she’s helping you, right?” Waverly answered nervously.

Nicole looked at Wynonna who shrugged and walked over to stand at her sister’s back.

“All right, go ahead.”

Nicole cleared her throat and crossed her arms, watched Wynonna as she lifted her hand and started mirroring what she saw. She started saying the numbers Wynonna held up for her.

“Four. Two. One. Two again. Three. Five,” she declared easily as Waverly cycled through different numbers, getting quicker as her heart sped up, “One. Four. Three. Are you giving me the finger?”

Waverly gasped loudly and took a stumbling step back.

“Oh my God,” she said in shock and looked around wildly, “She’s-She’s really here?”

Nicole took a step forward and Waverly’s eyes returned to her.

“Believe me now?”

X

X

X

Chapter Text

Waverly nervously wrung her hands as she moved down the hallway. Her heart was pounding against her ribcage. This was it. She was going to talk to Wynonna; she was going to tell her what she’d been shoving down so long.  She couldn’t say what exactly inspired the sudden decision. Waverly only knew what she felt, and that was tired.

She was tired of hiding and pretending. She was tired of being afraid.

She didn’t know what the tipping point was; maybe it was Champ’s text to confirm what time he’d pick her up. Maybe it was how she hovered over social posts, wishing to tap a ‘like,’ but holding back for worry someone would see her name on it. Whatever it was, the desire to finally talk to someone was too strong to ignore and she knew if she didn’t take advantage of it right then, she would scuttle back to where she had been.

And who better than her big sister to talk to?

She came to her bedroom and licked her lips before knocking on the half-open door. Her sister’s head popped up over the mattress.

“Hey, Baby Girl,” she greeted, “What’s up?”

“What are you doing?”

She lifted a hand and plopped a boot onto the bed.

“Looking for this,” she announced with a triumphant smile.

She pushed herself up and joined the boot, sitting on her mattress. She grabbed it and bent over to put it on.

“You need something?”

“Yeah, kinda,” she ran a hand over the dresser as she stepped inside.

“Ok?”

“I was hoping we could talk,” she started, “about…something.”

Sensing the seriousness in her sister, she turned around on the bed to look fully at her.

“What is it?”

“I…” she blew out a breath, “Sorry, this is…it’s not as easy to say as I wish it was.”

“What’s wrong?” she asked worriedly, “You can tell me anything.”

“Ok,” she let out a breath, “I think, well, I know, I mean- “

“Wynonna!” Gus’ voice hollered from downstairs, “Nicole’s here!”

“Just a second!” she shouted back, looking at her sister and grabbing her hand, “What is it?”

Waverly swallowed and shook her head with a forced laugh.

“It’s fine,” she dismissed, “Nicole’s waiting for you. You can- “

“No, hey,” she argued, “Talk to me.”

“No, really. It’s not important.”

“I think it is.”

“Wynonna!” Gus yelled again and Wynonna growled.

“Hang on!”

Waverly sighed, “You should go. Wynonna Earp is never late for a party.”

Wynonna sighed, looking between Waverly and the doorway, clearly torn.

“Fine,” she finally relented, “We’ll talk tonight, after the party, ok? First thing.”

“If you’re not busy with Nicole,” she half-joked, though honestly it was a painfully true thought.

Wynonna put her hand on her cheek and leaned her head forward, looking into her eyes.

“We’ll talk after the party.”

X

Waverly took a couple steps backward towards the table bench, blindly dropping to sit on it. Nicole quickly moved forward when she realized she was going to miss it.

“Easy,” she said, catching her and safely sitting her down, “I know, it’s a lot.”

“A lot?” she repeated with a chuckle and braced her hands on the bench on either side of her legs, “It’s-It’s impossible.”

“Impossible or not, I think we’ve proven it’s happening.”

“A ghost?” she said, “Wynonna…my sister is a ghost?”

“Well,” Nicole started and looked at Wynonna for a second, “We don’t actually know if ghost is the right term.”

“We…” Waverly repeated quietly, then snapped her head up as if realizing something, “You two, you’ve been able to-to talk to each other this whole time? To see her?”

Nicole nodded.

“But why…” she wrapped her arms around herself and bit her lip for a moment, “Why not me? Why can’t I see her?”

“I don’t know,” Nicole said softly, squatting down in front of her.

Waverly sniffled, looking at Nicole with sad, pleading eyes, “But she’s here, right? You can ask her. She can tell you?”

Nicole looked up at Wynonna, knowing she heard the question, silently asking for the answer. Wynonna stared sadly at Waverly, the longing clear on her face as she looked at her sister. Nicole licked her lips.

“Wynonna?” she whispered.

She turned towards her, eyes wet as she spoke with a crack in her voice, “I can’t.”

“But, wh- “

“I can’t,” she repeated, “Don’t you think I want to?”

“Ok,” Nicole said quietly, seeing how upset it was making her. She focused back on Waverly, “She says she can’t. She wants to, but she can’t.”

“Because of me?” she wondered sadly.

“No,” Nicole said quickly, reaching to take both of her hands in hers. She rubbed her thumbs over her knuckles and moved closer, “Listen to me, she loves you. She knows you love her. I’m so sorry you can’t…see it for yourself, but please trust me. I see it. I see the way she looks at you. I see the way her heart breaks because she can’t hold you. That day in the hospital, I asked what you would say to her. That wasn’t for me. That was for her.”

Waverly’s eyes instantly filled with tears and her voice trembled.

“Sh-She heard me? Everything I said?”

“Every word,” Nicole promised, “And it meant so much to her. She would do anything, anything to tell you so herself.”

Waverly let out a breath and squeezed her hands.

“I…Can we go home? Please?” she asked after a minute, “I need to…to sit with this, I think. Like you said, it’s a lot. I just need…”

“It’s ok,” she assured. She chuckled a bit, “I should’ve known you didn’t really buy it before; this is more like the reaction I expected.”

Waverly laughed a bit despite herself. She appreciated Nicole’s effort to lighten the mood a bit. Nicole squeezed her hands.

“Come on, I’ll take us home.”

“Us,” Waverly said and blew out a breath, “Me, you, your dog, and my sister’s ghost. A totally normal group.”

“Well, neither of us had normal families before this,” she observed as she stood up, pulling Waverly with her, “Why should we now?”

Nicole drove them to the homestead and Dozer jumped out of the jeep as soon as the door opened. Nicole shook her head at him and then grabbed the leash and small collection of toys they’d taken to the park.

When she turned around, she saw the dog’s ears lift up and his front paws began to excitedly stomp up and down. Nicole looked down at him with an amused smile as Waverly rounded the car.

“What’s up?” she asked him.

He barked and jumped once. Nicole held up the ball. She waved it back and forth, watching as his head jerked back and forth, tail twitching in anticipation.

“I guess he didn’t get it all out at the park,” Waverly said.

“Guess not,” Nicole agreed, “Ok Doze, ready? Go get it!”

She threw the ball, and he immediately took off through the grass after it. Waverly smiled at him, watching him pounce on his target and begin to run back.

“Looks like your day isn’t quite done.”

“Yeah, looks like,” she chuckled as Dozer returned and she had to wrestle the ball from his teeth with a grunt, “I can’t throw it if you don’t let go.”

She finally pulled it from him and tossed it again before turning to Waverly.

“You can go on in,” she told her, “I know you have a lot on your mind. I’ll stay out here with him for a while.”

“Ok,” she said softly, “You guys have fun.”

“I’m sure we will,” she nodded as Dozer returned again, not fighting, this time, to give Nicole back the ball.

“Come on, buddy. Let’s go to the back,” she said, “Give you some more room to run.”

Waverly’s small smile fell down as she walked into the house. She made her way to her bedroom and closed the door behind her, leaning back against it. She started tugging on the collar of her shirt, feeling suffocated by the material. Not finding relief quick enough, she just pulled it over her head and threw it away.

She rubbed her hand over her chest as she felt like she could finally feel air in her lungs again. Her hand found the metal of Wynonna’s necklace and she wrapped a fist tightly around it.

“It’s ok,” she whispered to herself, “It’sok,it’sok,it’sok.”

She took a deep breath in through her nose and out of her mouth. It helped a bit, so she did it a few more times. After a few minutes, she stepped away from the door.

Pausing near the window, she grinned in spite of everything as she saw Nicole and Dozer playing in the back. She opened the window, letting the sounds of the two of them drift in as she laid down on the bed.

The sheets were cool against her bare back, and it helped ground her as her minds continued to run.

Wynonna was really there. Had been for so long. And Waverly had no clue. She couldn’t see her. Nicole said it was because Wynonna couldn’t…appear to her, even though she wanted to. Maybe that was true; that she simply couldn’t, and it had nothing to do with Waverly. But she couldn’t but think it was still somehow because of her.

Waverly thought of Nicole’s angry words; ‘going on acting like she was never here at all.’

Did Nicole really think that was what she was doing? God, did Wynonna? Was that why she couldn’t see her? Because she thought she didn’t miss her?

No. No, that couldn’t be true. Nicole said she’d heard her words in the hospital.  She had to know, then, how badly she missed her. There was something else. Some reason. She wondered if it was something Kate might have a theory on. Maybe she should talk to her again; this time without keeping it form Nicole.

She sighed, pulling the charms still held in her hand up to her lips and kissed it.

“I do miss you,” she whispered, “so much.”

She settled her hand back on her chest and closed her eyes. Focusing on her breathing, she felt her body slowly begin to relax as Nicole’s voice and Dozer’s barks still came through the window.

Her eyes shot open when a sharp yelp came from outside, followed instantly by Nicole’s voice.

“Dozer!”

Waverly jumped off the bed and to the window. She saw Nicole hunching over Dozer by the barn. She grabbed the first shirt in reach and threw it on as she ran out of the house. Running as fast as she could, she nearly fell when she came upon them; Dozer whimpering on the ground under Nicole’s fluttering hands.

“What happened?!”

“I’m not sure,” she rushed out, “The-The ball rolled over here and-and he started messing with something I didn’t see, and now…I think he’s hurt or-or maybe bit or I don’t know.”

Her words full of panic and fear as her hands grazed over his legs and body, searching through his fur. When she touched a spot on his stomach he yelped and again, his head snapping towards her with a growl before trying to jerk away.

“I know. I know, buddy, I’m sorry,” she looked at Waverly, pure fear on her face, “C-Can you look here? I’ll hold him.”

Waverly knelt down while Nicole held him to keep from acting on reflex and turning on Waverly in fear or pain. She shushed the poor boy as she brushed at his fur on the spot Nicole indicated to get a look at the potential injury.

Dozer whined and tried to jerk towards Waverly, but Nicole held him steady.

“I know. I know,” Nicole whispered in his ear as he alternated between whines and growls. She pressed a kiss onto whatever part of him she could reach and swallowed back tears, “Can you see anything? What is it?”

Waverly got a look at exactly what it was and glanced back to the barn before looking up at Nicole.

“I think it’s a snake bite.”

“What?! Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I think so,” she said and stood up quickly, “We have to get him to the vet. Now.”

Nicole wrapped her arms under the big dog, straining a bit as she stood up with him. Thankfully he didn’t squirm too much, though she worried if that was because the symptoms were developing quickly. Her mind raced as they hurried to the jeep, and she tried to remember what she’d once read about snake bites for dogs when she first adopted him and had gone on a deep dive of the internet for every possible concern she could come across. Most dogs were fine if they were treated quickly. Depending on the type of snake, they could take 24 hours to show symptoms or die within 1.

Waverly opened the door for her, and she laid him carefully in the backseat, climbing in after him.  She laid his head on her lap, watching through blurry eyes for any sign of his condition worsening. Was he actually feeling weak or was he just comfortable lying there? Did the whines that filled the car become quiet whimpers because he was tired or because he was slipping away?

She awkwardly bent over him, trying to hold him as close as possible and assure him she was there.

“You’re ok,” Nicole repeatedly told him, her voice just as heartbreaking to Waverly’s ears as the sounds Dozer made.

Nicole ran her hand over every part of his head, in some spots brushing her fallen tears into his fur.

“You’re gonna be ok, Dozer. Just hold on, buddy,” she sniffled, “We’re gonna get you help, and you’ll be all better. I promise. I promise. I love you so much. You’re gonna be ok.”

Her hands continued running over his head and face, at one point his tongue slid out and caught her fingers; licking them a few times and causing a sob to catch in her throat.

After what felt like hours, they finally got to the vet’s office. Waverly jumped out and opened the door for Nicole before running ahead inside to tell them what was happening. Nicole scooped him up carefully and hurried inside, ready to beg for help. It wasn’t necessary as the tech Waverly had spoken to led them straight back to a room and the doctor quickly came to examine him right away.

It was a blur of questions and movements, one of them asked her to step back when she tried to stay at the table with him; the whole time Waverly’s hand was in hers. It was the hand that guided her from the room to wait outside at the vet’s insistence and Nicole’s protest.

Nicole ended up sitting hunched over with her head in her hands as she tried to sort through the words they’d said. Antivenin, intravenous fluids, antibiotics. She thought she heard a buzzing of a hair trimmer start as they left the room.

“it’s going to be all right,” Waverly said, running her hand over Nicole’s back.

“He has to be ok,” she said with a quivering voice.

“He will be,” Waverly promised, “The vet said the most important thing in these situations is getting them help as fast as possible after the bite, and we got him here right away.”

“I should’ve paid better attention to where I was throwing that stupid ball. I should’ve…” she wiped her eyes, “We could’ve stayed out front. There was plenty of room there we didn’t need to go- “

“Hey, hey,” she interrupted, “Don’t. You couldn’t have known this would happen.”

Nicole looked up at her, red eyes filled with tears, and voice breaking.

“He’s all I have.”

“Dozer will be fine,” she promised again, wrapping her arm around her, and guiding her to lean against her, “He’s not going anywhere, and he’s not all you have. You have me. And Gus. And Wynonna, of course.”

“Yeah,” she whispered, laying her head on Waverly’s shoulder.

“Is she here?”

Nicole sniffled and rubbed her sleeve under her nose.

“No. She-She left a little while ago while Dozer and I were…” she sighed, “Said she wanted to give us ‘mother son time’ together.”

Waverly smiled, the little remark sounding very much like her sister.

“Where did she go?”

“I don’t know,” she told her, “She goes somewhere…sometimes. I don’t know what she does, she just always says she keeps busy.”

“Huh,” Waverly said, leaning her head on top of Nicole’s still running her hand up and down her arm, “I wonder what a ghost does to entertain herself.”

X

“Fine,” she finally relented, “We’ll talk tonight, after the party, ok? First thing.”

“If you’re not busy with Nicole,” she half-joked, though honestly it was a painfully true thought.

Wynonna put her hand on her cheek and leaned her head forward, looking into her eyes.

“We’ll talk after the party.”

“Ok,” Waverly said quietly.

“You still planning to come?”

“Yeah,” she nodded and cleared her throat, “Yeah, Champ should be picking me up in an hour.”

“Ok,” she pressed a kiss to her forehead, “I’ll see you there!”

She walked out of the room, Waverly watching her go with a sigh.

Wynonna watched from the corner of the room as the scene played out. She shook her head, lips pressed together sadly.

“You know,” the voice said suddenly appeared beside her, “Being able to go anywhere, past, future…and you keep going through things you already know.”

Wynonna kept her eyes ahead of her, watching her sister walk sadly out of the room.

“Always loved watching reruns,” she answered with a sigh.

Curtis nodded at his niece and wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

“Me too, kid.”

X

X

X

Chapter Text

“What’s wrong?” she asked worriedly, “You can tell me anything.”

“Ok,” she let out a breath, “I think, well, I know, I mean- “

“Wynonna!”

“Kid,” Curtis spoke over the replaying moment, “Come on. What are you doing to yourself?”

“This was the last time I spoke to her,” Wynonna said, “If I had known…All she wanted was to talk.”

“You didn’t know,” he sighed, “People, they don’t always get the luxury of a deathbed surrounded by loved ones to leave with meaningful last words. It’s sad, but true.”

Wynonna watched herself leave the room again, followed shortly by her sister. She felt her eyes water and took a breath.

“It’s almost time, isn’t it?” she asked quietly.

“You know I don’t know that” he answered, “It’s not like there’s a set time for this. Hell, you know a lot of people don’t even get this.”

“I can feel it,” she laid a hand over her heart, “I can feel it, Curtis. She needs me less and less every day. Even if she doesn’t realize it.”

“That’s a good thing. That’s what you want,” he pointed out, “That’s how healing works.”

“I know. It is what I want. I-I’ve been trying to help her get to that point, but at the same time…” Wynonna paused and took a breath she didn’t think she actually needed, “Nicole said something before. She said she’s been holding onto me with both hands. And all this time I’ve been trying to help her let go, but I’m realizing that I’ve been pushing her with one hand and holding on with the other. I’ve been helping and hurting at the same time.”

“I know it’s hard,” he said softly, “Moving on has to happen on both sides. Even if you’ve accepted your page has turned, and I know you have, it can still be scary to take that step.”

“How did you do it?” she asked, “You said you only visited Gus once.”

“Well, that’s different, kid,” he informed, “Your aunt and I, we were blessed enough to have many years together. A lifetime.”

Wynonna scoffed, “Rub it in, why don’t you.”

He chuckled and squeezed her shoulder.

“You’ll know when it’s time, Wynonna,” he assured, “Without a doubt. And when it is, you’ll be ready, and you’ll take your step. And she’ll take hers.”

“You sure you can’t give me a little hint what’s out there?” she asked, lifting her eyebrows, “What’s on the other end of the light, or whatever.”

“I’m afraid not,” he smiled, “It’s different for everyone. I couldn’t even if I wanted to. What’s mine isn’t the same as what’s gonna be yours.”

“What’s it feel like?” she asked.

He gave her a soft smile, “Peaceful.”

X

Nicole was leaning against Waverly, her arm still wrapped around her, her hand rubbing up and down Nicole’s arm. Her tears had stopped during the wait, though her worry hadn’t abated. Waverly’s presence helped her keep still, however. It kept her from pacing like a madwoman.

She felt her stiffen up suddenly and the hand resting on her arm squeezed.

“Nicole,” she said quietly.

Nicole lifted her head and sat up when she saw the veterinarian coming. She instantly rose to her feet, grabbing Waverly’s hand and bringing her with her to meet the woman.

“Is he ok?”

“He will be,” she answered, “He’s responding to the treatment, but I want to keep him overnight to be safe. You can see him for a moment.”

“Thank you,” Nicole nodded quickly, and they followed back to the same exam room.

Nicole’s breath caught at the sight of her best friend. He was lying unconscious on the table, fur shaved on his belly around the bite wound with two more bald patches on his leg with IV’s attached to each.

“What are those for?”

“To keep him asleep and hydrated.”

“Is he in pain?” she asked with a crack in her voice.

“No,” she answered softly, “He can’t feel anything right now.”

Nicole nodded her understanding and moved closer to the table. Standing in front of his sleeping face, she ran a hand over his neck.

“Hey buddy,” she whispered to him and leaned over the table.

She kissed the soft hair between his ears, feeling like she might just be able to breathe again.

“What’d I tell you? You’re going to be just fine,” she said to him, “We’ll be back home before you know it.”

Waverly moved to the other side of the table and stroked his fur as well.

“You scared us today,” she told him, “Try not to do that again, ok handsome?”

Nicole felt herself smile as Waverly fawned over Dozer. She was touched by the way she loved her dog as if he were her own as well.

Waverly kissed his head, “We’ll see you tomorrow.”

She looked to Nicole after saying it, as if checking she hadn’t crossed a line in assuming she’d be back as well. Nicole gave her a nod and Waverly smiled.

“I’ll see you soon,” Nicole promised with another kiss, “I love you.”

They left the office, their hands gravitating back to each other’s as they walked without really realizing it. Once back in the car, Nicole let out a large breath. She took off her glasses and rubbed her face deeply, feeling all the tension of the last few hours settling behind her eyes. Waverly looked at her from the driver’s seat.

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah,” she sighed and put the glasses back on to look at her, “Yeah, I just felt, I really thought I was going to lose him. It all felt…”

“Familiar?”

Nicole sighed, “I know it’s not the same, but…yeah. You know I don’t remember much about the time right after the accident. But I remember holding her then, like I held Dozer. Praying for her to be ok.”

Waverly reached over and rubbed her shoulder, “He’s going to be ok. Focus on that.”

“I will,” she said quietly.

Waverly cleared her throat and started the car.

“Do you just want to go right home?” she asked, “I think the auto place should still be open for another hour if you want the distraction.”

Nicole considered the options for a moment before deciding.

“Could we go to the woods?” she asked, “The stairs. If you don’t mind?”

“Sure,” she said with a small smile, “It’s a good place for thinking, isn’t it?”

Nicole nodded and remained quiet and contemplative as they drove.

When they arrived, they walked through the woods, back towards the quiet spot Waverly introduced her to. Waverly stayed silent, watching Nicole and letting her take the lead.

She watched as she stopped for a moment and bent over to pick something up. When she straightened, she noticed Waverly looking and self-consciously held up the candy wrapper. She waved it a little before putting it back in her pocket.

“Sorry, it’s a habit,” she explained, “Wynonna used to make fun of it.”

Waverly grinned, “I think it’s nice. Noble even.”

“Yeah, that’s me,” she answered softly and continued onwards.

Nicole stopped at the bottom and looked up at the stone structure. She took a deep breath.

“Something happened once,” she started after a few minutes of silence, “a couple weeks before that party. I haven’t really been able to stop thinking about it and…I think you should hear it.”

“Ok,” Waverly said, sitting on the step in front of Nicole and looking up at her, “What is it?”

“Wynonna, she came to my house in the middle of the night. She came through my window,” she cleared her throat, “She did that a lot.”

“Sounds like her,” Waverly chuckled nervously, wary of what she would be told.

“She started crying. Even now I still don’t know what set her off that day, but…but it was, I’d never seen her look so overwhelmed. So…so broken down,” she took a steadying breath, “She wanted to leave. She told me she wanted to leave Purgatory that night and she asked me to come with her. Begged me to grab a bag and go. Forget everything and hit the road, the two of us.”

Waverly stared up at her, shock filling her eyes. She clasped her hands together and swallowed.

“She…She was going to…run away?” she asked quietly, “Leave me?”

“She thought…She got it in her head that-that no one needed her here. That she was just some screw-up you’d all be better off without her,” she explained sadly, “I talked her out of it. You know, the school year would be over in a few months, and she’d worked so hard to make up everything, to graduate with everyone. She deserved to have that. I wanted to her to have that. I said we could talk about it again after graduation.”

“And she listened.”

“She shouldn’t have,” Nicole said with a shake of her head, “You know, so many people have told me I can’t blame myself because there’s no way to pinpoint just one moment to do different, but it’s not true. That was the moment that could have saved her. Before the party or the drinks or-or any of it, if I listened to her that night…Waverly, your sister would still be alive.”

Nicole looked down at her shifting feet, waiting for some kind of response. For Waverly to snap, to go back to hating her again.

“No.”

Nicole lifted her head in surprise at the firm word.

“What?”

“No, that’s not true.”

“Waves- “

“No, Nicole, listen. Something I’ve come to believe, is that things happen however they’re meant to. When they’re meant to,” she said, “And if that’s true, it means Wynonna’s time was, it was already decided. It was going to be when it was time. No matter if you were here or out on the road somewhere.”

“You really believe that?”

“I think so,” she nodded, “It’s not fair, but I think it’s true. Do you know what that means?”

“That we were always going to lose her?”

Waverly reached up and took her hand with a smile.

“It means what you did by not going that night,” she told her, “you gave me months with my sister I wouldn’t have had otherwise.”

“You can’t know that for sure.”

“Maybe not,” she grinned, “But I believe it, even if you don’t. And if you don’t, if you really think your decision cost Wynonna’s life, then I’ll tell you something you should hear.”

“What?” Nicole asked with a sniffle.

Waverly stood up, still holding Nicole’s hand as she stepped closer. She curved her other hand around the back of Nicole’s neck and pulled her head down until it was touching her own. She looked deep into her eyes and spoke softly.

“I forgive you.”

Nicole’s breath left her chest in a shaking huff.

“You do?”

“I do.”

A sob broke through her chest, even though she was sure she had nothing left to cry. She wrapped her arms around Waverly and hugged her tight, burying her face into her neck. Waverly returned the embrace and allowed Nicole to wet her with tears. When they pulled back, Nicole looked sheepishly at her.

“Sorry,” she apologized, clearing her throat.

Waverly shook her head and cupped her face, brushing her tears with her thumbs.

“It’s ok.”

Nicole felt herself leaning into one of her hands, impulsively turning to kiss her fingers. She realized what she’d done when she heard Waverly’s breath hitch.

“I’m-I’m sorry.”

“It’s all right.”

“No, it’s not,” she covered the hands on her face and pulled them down, holding them between their bodies, “Waverly, I haven’t been fair to you.”

She looked down at their joined hands for a moment.

“I…” she shook her head with a nervous chuckle, “God, I could use a cigarette.”

Waverly’s lips twitched at the attempted joke but remained quiet.

“I’ve been so wrong to you. To your feelings and your h-heart; holding it and pushing it away day after day. It’s like…” she glanced over Waverly’s shoulder and nodded to the stairs, “It’s like that story you told me. Like I’m stuck on the stairs and can’t go up or down. And you’ve been so impossibly understanding and patient. Way more than I deserve.”

She ran her thumbs over Waverly’s knuckles and took another breath.

“I…I want to move, Waverly,” she told her, “I swear I do. I f-feel it in my…everything. I want to move, and I want it to be towards you.”

Waverly swallowed, feeling her heart flutter in her chest.

“Really?” she whispered and spoke with a little more volume, “Why do I feel a ‘but’ coming?”

Nicole gave a short grin, acknowledging her question.

“But…I’m scared, Waverly,” she confessed, “Down to my bones, I’m so scared. I don’t exactly have a good track record with people I care about. My dad left. My mom was a monster. And Wynonna…See, it’s not just being afraid to move on, I’m afraid of what happens if I do, and the pattern repeats again.”

“Are you afraid I’m going to leave in some way?” she asked carefully, “Break your…Break your heart?”

“Do you remember what I said in the hospital?” she asked, “About what the grief felt like?”

“Perfection,” she recalled with a nod, “The pieces everywhere, I remember.”

“Lately, I mean with you, I,” she started, “I feel like the pieces are starting to fit again, and it’s only a matter of time before the timer goes off. I’m afraid I won’t be strong enough to pick them up again.”

Waverly licked her lips and squeezed her hands.

“I understand, Nicole. I’m-I’m afraid too,” she admitted, “You and Wynonna, you loved each other so much. I saw it everyday in her and I’ve seen it in you. It was a real, deep love, Nicole. You think I’m not terrified at just the idea of trying to compare? My sister was always an impossible act to follow.”

Nicole nodded and looked at their hands again, “You know Dr. Svane told me no two loves are the same, but it doesn’t mean one is any less than the other. It just means they’re different.”

Waverly breathed out a short laugh, “He’s pretty smart.”

“He is,” she agreed, and looked around them for a second, “So, where does this leave us again? What do we do with all this fear we both have?”

“Come here,” Waverly kept one hand in hers and lead her towards the stairs.

Nicole followed, stopping when she realized Waverly was climbing past the first couple steps. She tightened her hold on her hand to stop her.

“What are you doing?”

Waverly looked down over her shoulder with a smile.

“Something I’ve always wanted to do,” she said, “The thing that scares me.”

Nicole smiled back and started moving again. The two of them walked up the steps carefully, all too aware of how old the stones were beneath their feet. Waverly’s heart thundered the whole time as the story echoed in her head. But she kept going until they reached the top in front of the archway. She looked around with a smile.

“We did it.”

“We did,” Nicole agreed, “The real question is will we be able to get back down, right?”

Waverly laughed and smacked her arm, “Don’t say that.”

“Sorry,” Nicole chuckled, “I’m proud of you. I know how freaked out you are by this whole thing.”

“Right,” she looked up at the archway and then over the edge of the platform, “Well, it’s on fear conquered.”

“Yeah,” Nicole said looking at Waverly. She felt her hand in hers and took a breath for courage, “Maybe it’s time to face another.”

Her words pulled Waverly’s attention away from how high they were and turned towards her. She noticed how she stood almost imperceptibly closer, the was she was looking at her. She felt the electricity in the air between them.

“Are you sure?” she asked breathlessly, looking into her eyes.

“Not at all,” she said honestly, “I’m so scared I could throw up at any second.”

“That’s not exactly what you want to hear before a …you know, possible…kiss,” she said the last word almost inaudibly.

“The point is, I’m still terrified, Waves, but if I want to get unstuck, I need to move,” she shrugged a bit, “And I’ve already followed you up these haunted stairs. Maybe now’s the time to take a leap.”

“Maybe don’t say leap when we’re up here,” Waverly said nervously. Though it was no longer the height of the stairs making her nervous as she felt Nicole moving closer.

“Waverly,” she said gently.

“Y-Yes.”

Swallowing nervously, Nicole placed her hand under Waverly’s chin and tiled her head up. She ran her thumb across her lips, aching at their softness, before lowering her head.

Slowly, almost painfully, Nicole brought her lips to Waverly’s.

X

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