Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The night was silent, save the waves lapping at the dock. The sea salt hung heavily in the air, and the streets below him were uncharacteristically quiet. From his perch above the buildings he had a Birdseye view of it all.

{{who are you Batman?}}

[[ha! You wish!]]

“Please! I’m cooler then that.” Deadpool squawked.

{{doubtful.}}

Deadpool stood in a swift movement. He ignored the comments and dropped onto the next building. The folks around there were privy to the drug den. They avoided the docks like the plague.

Quietly he stalked up the side of the roof until he came to a flattened top. He power slid on his knees to the sky light, caught himself on the latch and looked down. The abandoned warehouse wasn’t so abandoned after all.

[[Called it!]]

A hulking, sharply dressed crime boss ordered men to inspect the goods. Two stories above the shady deal, Deadpool stood to his full height. He Jumped, and both his feet slammed down on the glass. With a thud.

[[Wait, that’s not the right sound.]]

“Nope! I was expecting a SMASH, pang! POW!!” The group below froze in place, in unison they turned to face the ceiling. Deadpool jumped down on the glass again.

“This wasn’t part of the Plan!” Deadpool yelled, he frantically bashed his heel down on the glass. The thugs whipped out their guns and fired. The first shots missed, a few connected, and that was enough shock to break the glass. It sent Deadpool falling unceremoniously down on top of them.

{{I was expecting as much.}}

“Hate to drop in unannounced! But the party has arrived!!” His pistol connected with the thugs temple and BANG he was a crumpled mess on the floor.

[[please you looove to drop in unannounced. Don’t lie]]

Someone shot him in the hip then shoulder. He took the third shot directly in his palm, held the gun, and before the guy even realized his mistake, twisted both their arms at an awkward angle. He grabbed the thug’s hand on the trigger with his uninjured one. And shot three more guys through his hand hole.

[[unannounced is like, the only way you drop by cause no one sane would invite you in.]]

The guy struggled so hard it started to mess up his aim on the fourth criminal. So instead he twisted his arm up and back and shot the welder I between the eyes. He went for his own pistols, twirled swiftly, and killed two more. Wild West style.

“I gots two guns! One for each of ya!” He yelled. Held the smoking guns upright then blew them off. No one noticed the theatrics. too busy pointing fingers at the other side, wondering who called in the Calvary.

{{That’s an oddly specific quote for you.}}

“Got a thing against ol Clinty?”

[[something got stuck tombstone in your head?]]

Right. Deadpool spun on the spot. He made out tombstones giant retreating form. Tombstone moved towards the exit. He put men between himself and the danger like they were cannon fodder.

“Oh not on my fucking watch!” He ran at the crime boss. Firing blindly ahead of him. He took out two guys, but wasted a clip. He slammed the guns down and reloaded them like he was freaking kickass and this was his beautiful vengeful moment.

He was closing in, he could make out the shot. He tensed his fingers ready to fire. And got hit hard in the face with something. It flipped him mid air, and his head collided with the cement. When he tried to move his arms he found they were glued awkwardly to his chest and back. He didn’t even try to struggle.

{{It’ll ware off in a hour anyway.}}

“Oh c’mon guys, didn’t anyone ever tell you to say no to drugs.” A pause “oh. Oh god. this wasn’t apart of the plan.” His voice went from jovial to grossed out and disappointed. It was a strange pitch drop. There was also a strange drop in deadpool’s stomach but he ignored that.

[[That’s hunger I think.]]

Ignored it. Spider-Man made quick work tying down the baddies, uncharacteristically quiet. Through the webs half covering his mask he saw other poor souls in the same or worse positions.

“Look the cops will be here any minute. So you guys are done. take this time
To reflect on your actions, maybe stop this crime thing while you can… if you still can.” Deadpool could just make out Spider-Man’s form as he turned away from the dead body in front of him. Spider-Man moved to close up the drug crates. Then someone yelled.

“It was a clean deal!”

“Yeah!” someone else chimed in. Shit nope. Time to go. Like a majestic caterpillar wade started to scooch away. He hit his face hard on the concrete each time. There was a chorus of more complaints but Wade didn’t stick around to hear them.

“Till he showed up!” Deadpool stopped. Pushed his face to the side and glared at the thug beside him. The guy had one arm free, and used it to point Wade out.

Once he was out of these webs he was going to break that arm.

[[pfft if you get out of them in time.]]

“ssshuddup!” There was no reply. Not to the thug or Deadpool. Just the sound of sneakers slowly approaching around the crates. Deadpool rolled onto his back and crunched until he got into a full sitting position. Just as Spider-Man rounded the corner.

“Baby boy! Fancy seeing you here!” Deadpool greeted joyfully.

“Deadpool. I should have known.” It was curt. It wasn’t happy. “What are you doing here? In the middle of a crime scene.” It wasn’t a question.

“Funny you should ask that… you see I went for a stroll, was taking in the beautiful fall air, when I heard noises from this here abandoned building!” Deadpool leaned forward, craned his neck to look up at his hero “and me! Being the good Samaritan I am ran in to stop the senseless violence!” Spider-Man crossed his arms and glared.

“No he fucking didn’t!”

“Yea! Wes was minding OURS business and he-“ Spider-Man webbed the criminal’s mouth shut and if deadpool felt giddy he didn’t show it. Much.

“Yeah no I gathered that. Thanks. Rhetorical question. I probably shouldn’t ask them.” Spider-Man rolled his eyes “anyways. Deadpool, was a pleasure seeing you. Hopefully I won’t see you again for a very long time, what with the cops on their way, and you being behind bars and all.” Spiderman quipped. He turned on his heel and gave a final wave.

Deadpool blanked. stared at his retreating form, tensed like a bow about to shoot off.

[[Stared at his ASS more like]]

{{You’re disgusting.}}

“B- wai- Theyre criminals!” He yelled. Like it wasn’t obvious. Like everything hadn’t blown up in his face.

[[and what an ugly deformed face it is!]]

Deadpool ignored the box. Kept ignoring it, because in the next second Spider-Man spoke again. Instead of leaving Deadpool behind like he was gum on Spider-Man’s overly large to fill shoes.

“Yea guess you guys have something in common.” He didn’t stop. Just called it over his shoulder. Just dismissed him. Like nothing. Deadpool leaned forward, leaned too far and fell into his shoulder to lessen the blow. He stared up at Spider-Man again. Even higher now.

“But that’s why i…that’s what you do! You get the bad guys and you stop them!” He sounded desperate. Maybe it showed cause Spider-Man stopped. Turned slightly and those visors were slits now.

“I don’t do this.” He didn’t gesture to the carnage, because he didn’t need too. Deadpool didn’t have a reply to that. All he could hear were sirens blaring in his head.

{{didn’t you know this going in?}}

Yea but it wasn’t supposed to go tits up.

{{he’s rather adamant about his morals, y’know.}}

Yea but he thought he’d have time to clean up his act. That he’d be able to explain it away. Or hide it under the rug.

“And neither should you.” A Thwip, and Deadpool was left webbed to the concrete floor of an abandoned warehouse, surrounded by dead and injured men. red and blue lights danced over the ceiling.

Chapter Text

One week and only one slightly scared for life cop later; Deadpool was out. Back to take in the hustle an bustle of New York’s streets. It was supposed to only be one night in the slammer but he got to stay on bad behaviour. Maybe it said something about the justice system, maybe about crime in general. Either way Wade didn’t care.

He walked past a vendor. lifted a newspaper with Spider-Man’s face on the front cover. When the newsie yelled after him he idly pulled a pistol out and pointed it backwards. with his free hand he thumbed through the pages.

New York wasn’t all it cracked up to be. He was promised sidewalks packed like sardines but everyone gave him a wide birth. Hell he had elbow room.

{{that’s what happens when you wave a gun around in a crowd like a madman.}}

[[yea weird, you’re saying that like he isn’t actually crazy.]]

Deadpool hummed in response, and scratched the side of his head with the barrel. When he finally found what he was looking for he whooped out loud. Someone screamed and dove flat against the wall, Deadpool just kept waking.

He unfolded the papers, turned to page three, there in big bold letters; ‘RED MENACE DISRUPTS BUSINESS DEAL.’

[[Wow just a week in town and you're already in the cover story.]]

{{That’s the tabloids for you.}}

“Bunch of blood suckers.” He agreed idly. His gun was away exactly one minute before someone knocked into him, and yelled at him to watch it. Without looking up from the article Deadpool shoved the guy hard into the street, A horn blared and someone slammed on the breaks. Probably okay.

“Masked menace interrupts business deal at docks. Thousands in property and equipment damage, who should come forward and pay for their… wait seriously? Are they just gonna leave out the drugs?” Deadpool leaned in until his nose touched the paper, he scanned the article harder. “Something, something, devastation, something something Must be stopped, what the hell?”

[[What? What! I’m on the edge of my seat here!]]

“No name drops, no honourable mentions, they took me right out of the story!” Deadpool yelled, more then a little scorned.

{{Yes how dare they not accuse you of a crime you committed.}}

[[Hey Getting away with murder isn’t all sunshine’s and rainbows y’know!]]

Deadpool waved away the boxes with the newspaper. They disappeared in a puff of smoke. “No! You’re not listening. They pin it all on Spidey. Which is one ironic; and two bad journalism!” Deadpool turned the paper upside down, to get a different angle on the scoop. “Not to mention I put in all the work stopping it and they give me NO credit, but treat it like a freaking smear campaign!” Deadpool got more frustrated with every word. With an angry noise Deadpool crumpled the paper and threw it over his shoulder “Who even writes this crap?”

{{No idea, but you know where you could find out?}}

[[No! Where?]]

{{On that paper he threw!!}}

He dropped his head, then pivoted on the spot. He retrieved the article and smoothed it out. People moved around him, someone else bumped his shoulder and yelled like the last. But that wasn’t what made his blood boil. No that was under the expertly framed picture of Spider-Man. And it was the name,

Peter Parker.

{{oh…}}

[[OH!!]]

Chapter Text

Peter Parker was a name he knew well. And though wade had never met the guy he spent the better half of his life hating Parker’s guts. Deep down he knew whoever Peter Parker was, he was a cockroach. Gutter scum. A real Villan.

[[something about the pot calling the kettle black.]]

Wade Wilson had never met Peter Parker in his life. But if his life depended on it he could point out that dumb name. even in a blizzard.

Deadpool’s whole career was finding people who didn’t want to be found. And criminals made a harder deal of it then one photographer from some tiny newspaper firm. The daily Bugle was obnoxiously easy to find. Too easy. He waited for the catch.

[[That’s not the only obnoxious thing around here]]

“What like you?” Deadpool drawled. He tweaked the binoculars Until the image cleared. He was a few buildings away.

[[wh-no-You are!!]]

Deadpool hummed in response. And if he grinned under the mask that was his business.

{{Might I remind you two that you’re only calling yourselves obnoxious.}}

“And might I remind you that you’re apart of this hive mind?” Deadpool focused harder. That was the only reason his brow furrowed. The boxes didn’t reply. They couldn’t agree or disagree, they’d been kinda put in a box.

It wasn’t a particularly busy place; sure there was some foot traffic on the first floor lobby; but as he rose up through the floors most of the desks sat empty. When the blinds weren’t pulled down Deadpool could see tired but high strung looking workers. He pulled the binoculars down from his face and itched his cheek. He’d camped there for the better part of a week. Still there was no sign of the scoundrel.

“Deadpool! And here I thought I’d finally put you behind bars” he heard the voice before he heard the soft sound of feet landing on the roof. Deadpool raised the binoculars back up, and peeked into the top office.

“Y’know what they say baby boy, can’t keep a good dog down.” It was almost automatic. No over enthusiasm changing his voice. He was somewhere between awake and asleep in his sniper state.

In the top office a greying man gestured wildly to someone Deadpool couldn’t see.

“Yea, a good dog sure.” The old guy slammed his hand down, extinguishing the cigar he had been gesturing with in an ashtray. “What are you doing here Deadpool.”

Deadpool looked up at spidey and gestured to his set up. Spider-Man crossed his arms over his chest. Spider-Man might not know his target, or even see the building from here. But spidey would recognize a snipers den if he saw one.

“In my city.” Spiderman clarified.

{{Oh so now you own the place.}}

[[ya welcome to his crib]]

“I have business here, and if everything goes according to plan I might make this a full time gig.” Spideys visors went big at that.

“No, Nope. not on my watch you don’t.” Spiderman grabbed his empty hello kitty duffel bag and propped it up on the crate beside Deadpool. He then grabbed the stuff from the site. He shoved it in hastily.

[[heh shoved it.]]

“Hey!”

“This is not happening Deadpool.” He said and shoved a spare suit into the bag. He used one arm to sweep deadpools CD’s and walkman into the other, then unceremoniously tossed them in as well. “You’ve been in new York for all of- what three minutes? And I’m already cleaning up after you.”

“Literally and figuratively. But put that back you’re messing up my stakeout!” Deadpool whined. Not upset at the guy for messing it, more worried he’d accidentally break something. Either way it worked because Spiderman stopped mid reach. He had been about to grab his romance novels.

“which unfortunate soul are you stalking now?” Spidey groaned, now cradling all deadpool’s books in one arm.

“Oh!!” Deadpool scrambled up to his feet in a mess of gavel and dirt. He dusted himself off and ripped the article clipping from his breast pocket.

[[keeping it close to his heart~<3]]

“I was gonna show you!” He said excitedly, and held out the paper for Spidey to take. He moved closer, dropped the books in the bag on his way and snatched the paper. Spider-Man read over it with a cluck then handed it back.

“That’s a picture of me.” He didn’t look impressed. “So your stalking me. Figures.”

{{Not everything is about you.}}

“Yea self cantered much?” Deadpool said, no real bite to it. Spider-Man just rolled his eyes and and started on the immediate area around them. He tossed things into the bag from a foot away. Nothing missed, but it wasn’t gently.

[[pluease, hes got a right to be. He’s the center of my world<<33]]

{{please die.}}

“This has nothing-“ Deadpool snatched a framed photo of himself and a terrified Nielsen from spideys hands. “To do with you!” He held it to his heart. “Okay the article is about you and I’m kinda doing this for you but I’m not stalking you!”

[[We’re not?]]

“Right now.” Deadpool added quickly. Spider-Man just sighed.

“Ya y’know What? Not super comforting.” Spiderman said crossing his arms again. “Listen let’s just do this the easy way,” Spider-Man zipped up his duffel bag and pushed it against deadpool’s chest. “You stop… all this”

[[But you just gestured to all of me.]]

“And skip town. I’ll turn a blind eye this once and we can never see each other again.” Spiderman stated, and started to walk away. Again. He was almost at the edge of the roof and Deadpool felt himself panic.

“Peter Parker!” Spiderman stopped, dead. And if Deadpool hadn’t thought a suit could pale before he knew they could now. Somehow.

Slowly, ever so slowly Spider-Man turned. But Deadpool hardly registered it.

“How’d-“

“He wrote that article! Slandered your good name! So I gotta take him out!” Deadpool blurted in a rush, his excitement pushing out the words before he could really think about them.

“WhaT!”

“Like not out on a date out, or out out he’s a normie. I was just gonna rough him up a bit.” He back peddled. Put his hands up and shook them in a universal ‘your blowing this out of proportions’ kinda way.

“Nope!” Spidey didn’t yell. But he had gone a pitch higher. He pointed sternly at Deadpool.

“Okay just scare him then!” Deadpool threw his hands up, frustrated and Desperate. Maybe Spidey was just negotiating. Deadpool could do that, Deadpool was good at that.

{{Aren’t you always desperate.}}

[[No we’re clingy. There’s a difference.]]

“No.” He said more firmly this time.

“Nooooo?”

“You can’t just- he’s not- Peter doesn’t even write the articles! Just takes pictures for them.” Spidey was beginning to pace. And Deadpool wasn’t even sure he was aware of it. “And you can’t go roughing mmmmr. Parker- or anyone up!” Deadpool felt heat and ice run through him at the same time. He wanted to swallow past the feeling rising in his throat but had trouble with it.

{{well don’t they seem aquatinted.}}

“But! he slandered your good name!” He yelled instead.

[[Ya! We’re your knight in shining armour! We’ll stop any tabloid that wants to exploit you!]]

{{I am certain Spider-Man will just love that.}}

“It’s a newspaper! That’s what they do! To get views. And like I said,” Spiderman took a long breath. “He’s a photographer.” He corrected.

[[he’s still a cog in the evil machine.]]

Deadpool almost reiterated it to spidey but he was interrupted before he could.

“And you are to stay away from him. And from the bugle.” Spidey stated Pointing close to deadpool’s nose. He waited for a nod but didn’t get one. Just the clenching and unclenching of deadpool’s palms. Spidey noticed it, nodded to himself and shot out a web. “And my city too if you’d be so kind!” Spiderman called, twisted to face him as his web took him further and further away. Impossible to catch up too. Deadpool stated at his boots and the gravel beneath them

{{But we’re not that kind are we?}}

Might be time to pay Peter Piper a visit.

Chapter Text

Wade watched the place another day before a different super came to clear it out. This one wasn’t as loose lipped. Ironmaiden was in more of a shoot first talk later kind of mood, and more so than usual. Deadpool distinctly remembered him as an egotistical loudmouth and was disappointed when he was exploded without so much as a ‘good day.’

It took two more days to fully regenerate and he didn’t have his usual spring in his step when he did.

Deadpool thought about shaking down the bugle again but was pretty sure the place was under patrol. So he did what he did best.

{{retreated?}}

[[turn hightail and run away screaming?]]

No. Intel. He was getting- fuck it. He slammed open the doors.

“Wade Wilson! Patron saint of the pitiful, what’s it been, like two years?” His oldest and closest thing he even had to a friend called up from the bar.

“Yea and it hasn’t been long enough.” Deadpool could just make him out through the smoke. Which was more of a constant fog then smoke since there was all of four guys in the joint. None of which smoking. “This place has really gone to shit Wes.”

“Yea well what do you want me to do about it? There’s no more work in town. Wells gone dry. To many supers moving into New York lighting it up like a freaking Christmas tree.” Weasel deadpanned, he cleaned the bar, more to pass the time then anything. Deadpool would bet good money that rag smelt like mildew and created more mess then it cleaned. “Nobody does the mercenary thing anymore. Anyone still in crime went nuts and injected gama rays or whatever.”

“Reminds me why I left town.” Deadpool dropped into the chair in front of Weasel. Giving a final look around the place before he grinned up at the bartender. “Now what’s a guy gotta do to get a blowjob around here?”

“and that right there is why I don’t sell them anymore. I can’t. Can’t face myself in the mirror after it.” Weasel said, then retrieved some bottles from under the bar. He mixed bayles with something else and set it in front of Deadpool. “Here have this instead.”

“Guess that makes two of us.” Wade muttered. He took a swig of the drink and didn’t bother to move the mask up. When he finished weasel put down another. only a hint of disgust on his face.

“Yea we’ll you shouldn’t. Ever. You’re doing yourself a public duty. And the public a duty. Just everyones better off not seeing all…. This.”

“But you just gestured to all of me” Deadpool pouted. Weasel nodded solemnly.

“Yea. I still get nightmares from it. Every night. Haven’t slept a wink in years.” He shook his head. “Anyways why are you here? As much as I need the business You haven’t showed your face around here since…” weasel had a far away look and shuddered. Deadpool just pressed his lips in a line.

“Need intel”

“What? On who? And why me?” Weasel startled.

“Peter Parker.”

“What?why?”

“Look I’ll ask the questions around here. Does he have a felony under his belt, criminal record, an unpaid library fee?” Deadpool dropped his hands down on the bar hard, leaned forward.

“I have literally no idea who or what you’re talking about.”

“Ugh I don’t know just work your gipsy magic! he’s a photographer! Works at the bugle!” He huffed.

[[Ya he’s a real pest.]]

Deadpool wiggled his fingers ominously. Weasel just stared blankly then lowered his head on the bar with a groan. He stood up straight, and disappeared into the back. When he returned some Deadpool had already gone. In his place was his business card.

Weasel called a day later; and maybe Deadpool thought it would of taken him longer. He was just glad the call came so quickly.

“Yea so he went to midtown high, graduated from Empire State like a year ago and has monthly brunches at the blue hen.” Weasel paused. “Hell I think I may have gone to college with this guy.”

[[What a small world.]]

“How’d you find this all so fast?”

“I don’t know man something called Facebook? The kid never posts but he’s tagged in some stuff. Anyway Deadpool. Do you think you could pay your tab? I said I could use the business and Booze isn’t free and intel will definitely cost y-“

Deadpool hung up with a grin. He had a little date with destiny.

Chapter Text

Wade Wilson maneuvered through the blue clothed tables expertly. an expertise that only came from frequenting such a fine establishment every day for a week. He practically refused to leave. All for the blind hope That he’d finally see that smug bastard.

Deadpool wasted no time, had left for the restaurant immediately after his call with weasel. He arrived sometime in the afternoon and fully expected Parker to be there. Dinning on the finest rich people trash and snobbing it up with the staff. He was throughly disappointed, and had been often since. He even he had his own table, his name and everything.

He dragged out his chair and dropped into it, limbs extended in all directions. A minute later Carl was there to greet him as usual.

“Alexa this is so sad play desposito.” He whined, throwing his forearm over his eyes. Carl nodded politely.

“Ah so it will be the five orders of the vanilla glazed donuts, very good Mr. pool.”

{{well doesn’t he remind you of someone}}

[[nah he’s not as genuinely interested as Dopinder]]

“Yea it’s all about a pay check for these guys.” Deadpool grumbled to Carl’s retreating form. Within minutes the sixteen donuts were set down in front of him. Steaming the whole room up. And it would cost him fifty bucks.

{{remind me why we come here?}}

“I don’t even know anymore!” Deadpool groaned and bit into his first donut. He placed his cheek against the table and whined into his food. he could barely stomach his way through the first three plates before he slammed his money on the counter, got up, and dragged himself from the restaurant.

{{Are you really going to have this pity party? Here?}}

[[NO that’s why we’re taking it outside!]]

Still in sight of the entrance Deadpool dragged himself up the building, then the stark enterprises sign and laid on top of it. His arm hung over one side of the bill board and his knee was bent up to the sky. He wasn’t sure how long he laid there.

He heard a soft landing beside him. Without a second thought he moved to kick the pigeon.

“Ya I’m not happy to see you either.” Deadpool shot up and stared wide eyed at the super. Like it was fucking Christmas and he was a brand spanking new red bike.

[[You just want to ride him.]]

“Baby boy! Fancy seeing you here!” Deadpool yelled, genuine enthusiasm filled his tone. Deadpool pointedly ignored the imagery the box put in his head.

[[And unwrap him.]]

“I could say the same thing. I thought I told you to get lost.” Ignored it.

[[and spank him.]]

“Not in so many words…” he grumbled. Maybe to himself.

“Right. Deadpool, could you get lost please.” Spiderman offered and it would of sounded polite if not for the the dismissive hand flourish and actual words. Deadpool visibility deflated.

“But, I haven’t done anything.”

“involvement in a drug deal, murder, stalking, attempted murder slash mugging?” Spiderman listed on his fingers, each time wade had moved to deny the accusations but found he couldn’t. Spiderman tilted his head “have I left anything else out?”

“I haven’t done anything since you said not to!” Wade yelled. And god they would get no where if he kept blowing up like that. But spiderman just pressed his buttons like it was his business. Wade pointedly ignored what that most likely meant about them.

“You haven’t?” Spiderman asked, genuinely curious. Wade shook his head. “I just assumed you were hiding your tracks better.”

“Scouts honnor! I swear!” Deadpool raised a hand and placed the other on his heart. Spiderman gave him a look. But he moved from his perch on the balls of his feet and sat down. Legs dangling over the edge. Wade took that as a good sign.

“No way you were a scout.” His eyes had followed the movement of spidey swinging his legs over the ledge, and now that they weren’t moving he looked back up.

“Was too. And besides, I’m turning over a new leaf.” Spidey raised a brow. “Checking out new horizons.” A hum in response and Deadpool could feel his mouth go dry. “Nintendo.” A laugh.

“Careful now, or Mickey Mouse will break in and bust our kneecaps.” Spidey joked back and if that snort wasn’t the prettiest sound Deadpool ever heard. The moment was over as suddenly as it had started. “honest?”

Deadpool just nodded again, faster this time.

“Look if you’re really trying to change then fine, count yourself a citizen. But you got too mean it. I won’t tolerate any criminal activity in my city.” Spidey warned. And it was supposed to be threatening probably. But there was something else there that Deadpool held onto.

{{you’re imagining it.}}

“What you think I can’t?” Deadpool challenged, we wasn’t about to let his poker face slip after all the trouble he’d gone to. spidey actually paused to think about it. Let that pause linger a little.

“Anyone can change deadpool. They just have to want to.” Spider-Man finally decided, and when the conversation stilled again, he stood. He gave Deadpool one last look, then shot out a web and was gone. Like he had never been there to start.

In a kind of haze Deadpool walked back to the restaurant. He sat at his booth. When his phone rang he answered it on autopilot. It took a while to register the words on the other line.

“And if you had dropped by the bar like I asked I would of told you sooner. Seriously I’m not doing all this for you pro-bono. Not after Vegas.”

“Wait what.” Deadpool shook his head and heard Weasel groan into the mic.

“I said, I was digging through his Facebook page and I think I found something. Kid doesn’t post but he’s on sometimes. I sent him a friend request but it looks like he’s one of those ‘I got to knoooow you’ types. So I was searching through his friends mutuals and stuff and he’s got these new people floating around in his groups right? Well I looked into them. They all work at starks towers and-“

Deadpool grinned, then hung up. He got up from his booth and before any of the staff could catch him he had dined and dashed.

[[pfft are we ever gonna pay Weasel back for Vegas?]]

{{We pay him in exposer.}}

Chapter Text

If there’s always a right answer, then someone can always pick the wrong one. That’s just how multiple choice works. Science of probabilities and all that Jazz.

Wade’s balancing act was shoddy at best. Try as he might he always picked wrong. He chalked it up to-

[[Hey what’s with this sappy narrating shit?]]

{{Washed out authors, and repetition.}}

[[So what, he just gets to blame all his character flaws on bad writing??]]

Deadpool spun in a semi circle and sliced clean through some gruff’s hand. Blood rushed from the wound and his fingers flew in all different directions. The guard had enough time to twist his face up in horror, before Deadpool kicked it in. The guy directly behind faltered, and got a bullet in the leg.

"How's that for sappy?!” Deadpool challenged. Then He stepped on something squishy and lost his spunk. The rest of his swings were shallow, his heart wasn't in the game. His theme song hadn't even started up.

[[WARNING: graphic displays of extreme violence.]]

“Little late for that, dontcha think?” Deadpool reached back and sheathed his katana, a beat, then he smacked his head. “I just got the blood stains out of there...” the two guards screamed, held their bleeding body parts.

[[I call bullshite. You never clean up your act.]]

Deadpool grumbled to himself. But he couldn’t exactly argue with yellow when they were in the middle of this mess.

{{A mess YOU got us in, might I add.}}

"You mightn’t,” Deadpool knocked out the remaining guards. He moved them into a hidden corner and was on his way. His suit may have been a little worse for wear, but at least it wasn't dripping gore.

[[Like usual.]]

And he was going to keep it that way

{{you’re awfully concerned with your appearance tonight.}}

[[Well his appearance is awfully concerning!]]

Deadpool Ignored them, and peeked his head into the stairwell. “Honey I'm home!” He whispered, no answer.

The coast was clear. He took the stairs two at a time, as quietly as he could. When he finally made it to the main lobby ever pair of eyes landed on him.

“So much for low profile.” Deadpool squeezed through the waiting room, packed too tightly with people. He sidestepped and weaved and ignored everyone there.

“Is that spiderman?”

“What's with the new suit spidey?!”

“Shh don't be rude!.”

“Oh boy! The things you see at Stark towers, huh?”

“Is that… Blood?”

He heard a new Timbit of gossip with each person he passed. He ignored them. sticks and stones and all that shit and words couldn't hurt him.

{{Technically it’s not even about you.}}

He strode up to the front desk. The receptionist behind it looked up from his computer screen, and offered Deadpool a forced smile. Deadpool peeked at the name tag on his desk. Alan.

“Avengers business Mr. Spiderman?” A beat, then Deadpool grinned underneath his mask. it must be his lucky day and this kid must be new to the whole hero and villain scene. If he had known just who he was dealing with he would of already gone for the panic button hidden under his desk.

[[I smell opportunity! C’mon lets ditch the original plan and just roll!]]

{{It has been handed out to us on a silver platter.}}

“You know what I always say about silver platters.” Deadpool took one look at the receptionist, and flashed a smile of his own. “The foods’ been poisoned.”

[[Still, it’s better then our plan of shooting up the place and getting in.]]

“Excuse me?” Alan asked, he could barely get a word in edgewise.

{{Or your ridiculous idea to pull the fire alarm so everyone would evacuate.}}

“What?”

“You said something about poison?”

“No I didn’t. You’re crazy.” Alan’s smile didn’t so much as twitch.

[[Callin the kettle black.]]

Deadpool squared his shoulders, anted up. Tried on his best impression of his role model.

“Alan, my good man, I’m a total webhead today, I mean I swear I’d swing right away from it.” He paused graciously for Alan to laugh, he didn’t just kept that same polite smile plastered on his face. Deadpool trudged on. “But I forgot my V card at home today, hook me up??”

{{are you flirting, slandering Spider-Man’s good name, or trying to get into the avenger tower?}}

[[Why not all three?]]

“Your… avengers card?”

“Uh yeeah. That’s what I said.”

“You know I can’t return it too you. You really shouldn’t misplace your avenger’s ID so often, they’re well, irreplaceable.” The boxes knew fully well he would never slander SpiderMan’s name.

{{Ah just wishful thinking then?}}

“Right and next time I’m out stopping crime, saving the city, and uh… sad orphans I’ll think about that. but for now can you help a guy out?” Alan paused, regarded Deadpool with that carful gaze. With a long sigh and some hesitation Alan passed over an employee card. Deadpool snatched it up.

{{That’ll do,}}

[[chi-ching!]]

He skipped to the elevators, and when he turned to wave goodbye, Alan was pinching the bridge of his nose. He didn’t wave back.

[[Okay so where too?]]

He turned back, about ready to slam his hand down on the blue button, when they he doors binged open. All Deadpool could see was bright red and blue. Deadpool froze, balancing on one foot with his hand still at the ready.

His arms were crossed and he hadn’t moved out through the open doors. Deadpool didn’t want to see the look on his face. He could already picture the disappointment.

“Deadpool.” Spiderman greeted bitterly. “I'm not going to like the answer, but why am I always finding you at the scene of the crime.”

“Baby boy! What a surprise.” Deadpool turned his attention back to Alan, who looked purposely blank faced. Like he hadn’t just played Deadpool for a fool

{{You do a fine job of that yourself.}}

Deadpool hit his thumb to his chest, pointed to his eye hole, then pointed at Alan. Before he could drag his thumb across his neck in a swift and threatening motion Spider-Man grabbed that arm and tugged him into the elevator. All those gossipers went dead silent. Then the doors slammed shut. Trapping Deadpool in with the hero.

“Answers. Now.” Spiderman pronounced very slowly. Wade moved his arm out of
Spideys grasp, then He put his hands on Spiderman's shoulders. It was a friendly gesture, meant to steady him before the big news.

{{subtle.}}

Spiderman brushed those hands off, one at a time. Answers, okay, Deadpool could do answers.

[[Or you could do him ;)]]

{{st—is that a wonky face?? Do you have any dignity?}}

“I have a date with destiny, but Once that's over I’m all yours and we can talk about anything you want Spidey.” The visors on spidey’s mask squinted and he shook his head.

“Weirdly enough? Not into that. And that doesn’t answer my question.” Spidey derided. “What I want to know is why there's been an attack. At the Avenger tower. On the ONE day you're here.”

“How should I know? I don't catalog everything the Avengers do!” Deadpool raised his hands up in surrender. They were still steadily rising up floors, and he only thought it was weird for like a second that no one else got on. Then he remembered Stark was an anti-social genius and probably had a fuck-off protocol

[[You kinda do catalog everything they do tho.]]

“Yeah okay, I do scrapbook them, but that's different and besides the point.” Spiderman dropped his head in his hand and made a frustrated sound.

The

[[Forgetting your itsy bitsy promise?]]

{{He isn’t forgetting it. He's pointedly ignoring it.}}

Spiderman was still waiting, and watching Wade silently. God it was unnerving. “I uh, couldn't tell ya what happened.”

{{Not until we hear from our attorney at law.}}

[[Hawk eye?]]

{{close. Different Birdman}}

[[Dare Devil?]]

He didn’t have any kind of excuse. No alibi. This was an open and closed case. And yea maybe he watched to many law shows late at night. Wade hunched his shoulders up in anticipation. But instead of the lecture he was expecting. The doors opened. And wade had only a second to appreciate how close he was to the Tower’s penthouses, before he was dragged out by his arm again.

Chapter Text

“Well what do you want me to do with him?!”

“just… Just keep him preoccupied for a few hours.”

"Oh right, I'll show him around the base, shoot some pool, watch some day time tv!” Deadpool winced at the raised tone. Stark had stopped yelling, but he spoke loud enough for Wade to hear through the glass. “He isn't our guest, he's a criminal. And I think Spiderman should do something about it.” Idly he wondered if Stark meant him to hear it. They weren’t each other’s number one fan. He wiped a glove across his face and averted his eyes from the two silhouettes.

"I know, stark. But I think he’s trying to change.”

“My security team would say otherwise.”

“I know! But jail didn’t work and what you did was- it was really messed up…” Deadpool took some pride in the fact that him being exploded pinged on Spider-Man’s moral compass. Then some more on the fact that Spiderman kept enough tabs to know that it happened in the first place.

Then forgot all of that when Spiderman said they needed some better way to deal with him.

[[Fucked this one up pretty royally, didn't you?]]

Wade didn't answer the box, he stared at the floor. Spidey had actually stuck up for him, hadn’t he? Maybe Spider-Man even believed in him before wade fucked that up too.

{{He does seem the gullible type.}}

Deadpool was outside of Stark’s office, he twiddled his thumbs between his lap. He did his best to ignore the two men inside the glass doors. At least the glass was mostly opaque, and Wade could only see their blurred out silhouettes.

[[Mommy and daddy are fighting again.]]

“Nah that's cap and stark. Not Spidey,” Wade muttered. He kicked his feet under the chair and stared at them instead of watching the silhouettes of the two supers. The workers around him did their best to steer clear of the hallway. A select few made a 360 turn once they caught sight of him.

[[wait I thought we were team sticky?]]

{{You mean Stucky.}}

[[Not in my fanfictions I don't ;)]]

The voices rose on the other side of the glass. What had been a heated argument quickly turned into outright yelling. Deadpool had heard enough. He didn’t strain to listen to them this time.

“Bucky’s miss America’s little something on the side.”

[[heh, his mistress.]]

“eh, something like that.” Wade muttered. The avengers had their own slice of life drama. They were a soap opera waiting to happen.

[[Anyway, I’m not sharing Spidey.]]

{{Pft, you won’t share him cause he won’t give you the time of day. you're not worth his.}}

Somehow his thumb had found its way to his wrist, and traced that familiar pattern without realizing it. Interrupted only when Spidey shoved open the door. The hero took a deep breath to steal himself, then another. He shut the door softly behind him. His patience was carefully put into place when he looked at deadpool.

Wade’s grinned. “Hey don’t worry Spidey! I’m sure I can keep myself preoccupied for a few hours here.” Deadpool said.

If Spidey was amused at all, then he didn't show it. he showed the exact opposite standing there in all his glorious disappointment.

“Look yeah, just stay here Deadpool.” A pause. A second calming breath “I have to take care of some things.” He started to walk away, and idly called over his shoulder that he’d be back in a hour.

[[Spidey wait! Take me with you!]]

Deadpool's brows knitted together with enough tension to bunch up his mask. His eyes found that neat handwriting on his wrist on their own.

He had a good reason to come here today. And nothing was going to stop him. Not even Spider-Man. He traced the spirally lettering on his wrist over and over again. It didn't matter that he couldn't see it or that it was covered by red leather. He spent enough time staring at it. He knew it by heart, hell he could probably find it in a blizzard.

[[Uh that's because it's literally on you!]]

{{You don't need to see your hand, to know its in front of your face.}}

For as long as Wade could remembered he believed in soulmates. They say seeing is believing and when he looked around as a kid he could see it everywhere. It was pretty standard stuff. Everyone gets their soulmates name is on their wrist after about twenty years on this bitch of a planet. Corny as all hell but at least this cocktail came with a twist.

Peopl get their soulmates name on one wrist. On the other their nemesis. Worst enemy, rival, whatever it was all the same. No scientifical explanation why, or how, or which’s name was which.

All he knew is he hit the jackpot.

He got his hero’s name on one of his.

he got Spiderman. And he was to find out once and for all that Peter Parker was the incompatible enemy he always dreamed he’d be. Then there’d be no question which named was which.

Chapter Text

“Innie meanie minney mo, this one!” Wade used the key card that had been missed in all the commotion. With a triumphant little beep the light changed from red to blue and Deadpool burst through the door. All at once the six mad scientists looked up, light reflected off their glasses ominously. A chill ran down his back, but a grin lit up his mask. He fucking hated scientists.

Before Deadpool could say a word one scientist threw his clipboard onto his desk with a groan. He stared at Deadpool for a moment, closed his eyes for a second, breathed in, out, and then strode up to him.

He crossed his arms and glared up at Wade, tapping his foot impatiently. Wade stared back. Definitely not dumbfounded.

{{what’s the twink deal anyway?.}}

[[And he's my, brown eyed boy~’]]

“Huh? No. Shut up.”

“What do you want? We’re busy.” He cut in. Wade was almost taken back. Who was this kid? There’s no way he knew who he was dealing with. Or he well, wouldn’t be dealing with him. “and only authorized personnel are allowed in this area.”

“Uh? I'm Looking for someone. Parker—Peter, Peter Parker, he works here? Somewhere. So uh could you—take me to your leader?” Wade stammered. He watched the man close his eyes and suck in another breath. Then he reached a hand into his lab coat and retrieved a lanyard. wiggled it. No fucking way.

“Yes hello, hi, speaking.”

[[Oh fiddle shits.]]

When Wade imagined Parker, Mr. Parker as Spider-Man so formally used. He pictured some shitty snob, oily hair and a sneer that could make his own mug look friendly. Or a silhouetted villain in an suit, always laughing ominously.

{{These sorts of odds are never in your favour. Did we get a new writer on the team?}}

[[Oh no. He cuO—h]]

{{First door we try, and it's the right one.}}

He never imagined some skinny twenty something, with big eyes and laugh lines. Fucking whatever it’s the inside that counts.

“Right to the chase, I hate that.” Wade bobbed his head and leaned into Parker’s space, he leaned back, Then gave Wade a look. “You don't suppose we could take a walk do you Parker?”

“I don't,” Peter answered. He finally took that step back.

“Great” Wade said, Parker’s face cringed up in frustration? Disgust? Whatever The guy was rude, And he already couldn’t stand Deadpool thirty seconds in.

“And your favourite movie is?”

“What…what does that have to do with anything?” Parker looked taken aback for the first time. Less like he was in charge of the situation. Someone tried to call Peter over but Wade interrupted them.

[[good.]]

"I'll put you down for hates movies. So got any pets?” He asked.

“I'm not playing twenty questions with you.” Parker said coldly. When he turned around and retreated back to the table Deadpool jogged beside him.

“neither do I, but the big one is would you want some down the line?” Wade brushed off his disinterest, and lack of an answer. It was an awkward and curt conversation. Halfway back to the table Parker stopped and sighed. gave Deadpool some side eye.

[[Oh oh ask him if he prefers the heat on or off when he's sleeping.]]

“Right! Good one, what it said.”

“Elaborate.” Peter responded.

“Heat on or off?”

“On. Always, or as much as possible but it's so expensive and I just don't have—I said I wasn’t doing this.” He reminded Wade or maybe himself, it was unclear. A few feet away the other scientists had moved to the far side of the room and were huddling. Wether it was to give them privacy or to gossip wade didn’t care.

“Ew gross. I hate the heat, keeps me up.”

Parker put a hand to his head and rubbed his temple, while he fixed Wade with another unamused look. “Okay this has been fun. But if that was all-“

“Wait one more!” Wade interrupted and waved his hands around to get his attention. Peter waited. Despite the other scientists saying they needed him for the next part of the experiment. “And this one is the most important!” Wade looked down at Parker’s tapping foot. He was pretty sure that he hadn't noticed it himself.

{{Ask him what he puts in his coffee.}}

[[Ask him if he’s a night owl or early bird!]]

{{What’s his most prized possession?}}

Time kicked into hyperdrive and the colours started to bleed and swirl. The boxes popping up and out before fully forming sentences. God it all gave him a migraine.

[[Whats he doing Saturday night?!]]

{{Don’t.}}

[[Fine! Ask him what games he’s got?? Ohh PlayStation or Xbox?]][[Oh! Oh oh ask him if he-]]

Crushed under boxes, what a way to go. What a shitty unimaginative way to die. He was going to have words with his creator. What a world. What a world

“Yahoo, earth to Deadpool. Am I still being held here against my will or can I get back to work?.” Parker asked, waving a hand in front of deadpool’s face.

In a beat everything was back to normal. The boxes had quieted and he was staring at peter. Probably had been for like a minute. Peter just looked annoyed and didn’t make any effort to hide it. “Wait what?”

“Annnnd that’s all we have time for today folks. this has been… educational. But as I was saying, things to do places to be!” Peter said, and walked away from Wade. A note of finality to it. He wasn’t given the time to argue back. His station wasn’t far. but before he reached it or Deadpool could get in another word the doors slammed open. Ironman busted through them in all his blazing glory. Peter’s shoulders just slumped.

[[Heh look it’s their boss in shining armour.]]

“well, I’ll just show myself out then!” Deadpool would of made a run for it, but he was grabbed by his scruff, And Unceremoniously hauled out of Stark towers with a few choice words.

He was pretty sure he wouldn’t be invited back any time soon. Whatever, he had his intel.

{{you weren’t invited the first time}}

Chapter Text

“Everything’s gone exactly as planned,” Wade said, then sunk heavily into the booth. He pillowed his head back on the cushions and sighed out loud. It had been a long couple of days and he deserved a break. even if that meant shitty Starbucks. He had done what he set out to do and he was celebrating goddammit.

[[The hell? this is the opposite of why we came to new York! Spidey’s never gonna talk to us again after what you pulled at stark towers last week.]]

{{he has been dismissive of us of late. Those times you flagged him down he ignored you entirely. Not that you didn’t deserve it.}}

“Yea I planned for that too,” Wade said. The coffee shop he had picked was crowded, like every coffee shop in New York. it wasn’t even good coffee. Wade ripped open a sugar packet and dumped it into his drink. Then another, and another. He was running out of sugar and soon he’d have to improvise. He balled up the emptied packets one by one and aimed for the waste bin across the room. None of them landed, but one hit a shopper. Worth at least ten points. He left the discarded papers where they landed. Hint caring if it was litter, and wether or not it even counted as a crime.

{{As a renown criminal, you would know.}}

[[Nah he’s not even that anymore.]]

{{Just a has been.}}

Anyways, All he had to do was wait. He had good intel on this place. And if Weasel was right which he better be, Deadpool was exactly where he wanted to be.

Low and behold five minutes into his stake out and he heard the unmistakable pang of a gun shot. He wasn’t sure if it was that or the crowd screaming around him that made his ears pop. The customers all dropped to the floor. The guy in a ski mask waved his weapon wildly in the cashier’s face and screamed at them for the money in the till. He was handed the bag back, filled with the days earnings. Deadpool took a slow sip of his shit coffee.

The thug was an amateur, he hadn’t made it five steps out of the building before he was webbed backwards and glued to it. Slowly the crowd stood. When he walked into the coffee shop the people around him parted like the red freakin sea.

“You guys don’t have a lost and found do you?” Spiderman asked setting the money on the counter. The cashier cried and thanked him, someone laughed. And Wade watched as the crowd dispersed in a semicircle around the hero.

[[Also the clouds opened up, the sun shined down, birds and angels alike started to sing; and I messed up my jeans.]]

{{Disgusting.}}

“Yea, Jesus. Show a little stamina.” Wade said, staring.

the tension slipped from his shoulders. Spidey gave a shy wave to the people watching in awe, rolled some confidence back into them, and then stepped around the crowd.

[[Find you a man who can do both.]]

{{The trouble is finding a man who would do Wade.}}

Spiderman assessed the situation for any more danger, he caught sight of familiar red and his visors narrowed. Deadpool gave a shy wave of his own. Reflexively His fingers found the seam of his mask and began to tug down. Both eyes were on Spiderman.

"Deadpool? …you’re here. of course you’d be here. We have got to stop meeting like this.” Spiderman rubbed a hand across his brow, “what did you do?”

“I was just sitting here, enjoying my coffee.” Deadpool said raising his hands in Surrender. He gestured at the booth for spidey to sit. Who did as he was told, with a disapproving look.

“So you had nothing to do with this?” Spidey asked skeptically. Wade passed Spidey a second coffee and smiled.

“Nope,” Deadpool said popping the P. Spiderman caught the coffee as it slid across the table he gave it another skeptical look.

“Oh no thank you, I’m not much of a Starbucks guy.” Spiderman said absently. He moved it back in front of Wade, and shook a hand politely.

[[Take that Starbucks! even Spidey hates you. You're just an overpriced coffee that makes Timmies stronger.]]

{{what is this, A sponsored ad?}}

“C’mon I cant drink both!” Wade set the cup back in front of Spiderman. Who looked between them in mild frustration.

“Fine. So you weren’t apart of it.” Spidey said finally taking the coffee. His fingers drummed against the lid rhythmically. “But you saw it happen, and did nothing?” Spidey wasn’t even unkind. Just tackless. Cutting back to the original conversation without so much as a transition. it had Wade’s fingers tightening around his own drink.

“So what if I did, didn’t, whatever. so did they!” Deadpool snapped. Then cursed himself for blowing up again.

[[How are we supposed to make him like us if we keep fighting!]]

“But you could of stopped it.” Spiderman chided, no real bite to his words. Wade took a sip to calm himself down. The bitterness helped ground him. Spider-Man looked down at the drink and his lips pressed into a line. “I’m willing to bet you were even tipped off.”

“So what? There are a ton of them and one of him. I don’t see you chewing the civies out.” Wade ground out the words. Why couldn’t it just be a normal coffee. A civil chat

[[Now it’s a civil war.]]

{{you’re tackless.}}

“And last week,” Spiderman pushed “with the guards at Starks towers...” Wade felt his hands run cold. It didn’t matter he was holding the hot cup. Or that they were sweating.

“I didn’t kill anyone.”

“You- no. No you didn’t.” He agreed. Watching with those big big eyes. Wade’s leg bounced under the table, and his shoes made little squeaking noises. When he talked he couldn’t stop himself from pantomiming.

“Exactly. Sure maybe I shot them a little. And yes I might have taken off someone’s hand and stabbed someone in the leg! but they’re fine! That’s back story. Some character development!” Wade yelled, wouldn’t make eye contact with anyone who turned to the scene. Wade pointedly looked at the table.

“Deadpool, I’m going to tell you something someone told me a long, long time ago.” Spiderman sighed; like he needed a minute. He took a sip of coffee to buy himself that time. A pause, then a choking sound. He Just barely saved himself from a spit take.

“Oh, oh god. How much sugar did you put in here?” Spiderman stifled a second cough, his voice strained.“Its syrup.. isn’t it. Where are you even keeping that?” Wade went to answer but was silenced by a held up hand. “Actually it's better I don't know,”

“So you were saying?” Wade asked, he watched the scene dumbfounded.

“Nope. Moments gone.” Spidey didn’t look up from his coffee, just eyed it distrustingly.

“We we’re having a moment?”

“Yea. You killed it.” He said. Swirled the cup like that might change the contents. Deadpool watched as he tested the drink one last time, screwed up his face; and deemed it entirely undrinkable. “Y’know what? I could use a hand patrolling. You mind?”

[[I got two hands you could use for whatever you like!]]

{{You disgust me.}}

Deadpool blanked. Ran the feed back to make sure he heard his hero right. Then he just nodded wordlessly, and scrambled after Spiderman when he got up to leave.

Chapter Text

Rooftops are where all the classy shit happened. He’d bet Spidey took all his dates up here. They were in perfect view of everything the big apple had to offer, right from the blinding lights that replaced the stars, to the hazy skies that hid them.

[[Uh… No one actually calls it that.]]

{{Please tell me you didn’t just imply you're on a date with Spiderman.}}

“Course not. Get your head out of the gutter,” Deadpool scolded. He wasn’t sure this was even happening yet. And He wasn’t stupid, spidey distrusted him, tolerated him at best. Honestly it could be a fever dream but Deadpool wasn’t going to pass up the chance to change it all around. He joined spidey at the edge of the building. slammed his butt down and hung his legs over the ledge. More composed, spidey sat cross legged beside him.

if this was real Wade had no business up here with Spiderman of all supers. But that didn’t matter, he wasn’t about to kick a gift horse in the mouth.

{{That is not how that saying goes.}}

“so we patrolling?” Wade asked.

“We are,” Spidey clarified. Wade fought a losing battle against his attention span and insecurities. He didn’t like his odds.

“Okay.” Wade waited. Spidey didn't move to get up, so Deadpool turned back to him. “When?”

“Right now.”

Wade starred hard at the city scape. Seconds passed before his stare turned into glaring.

“But we're just sitting here!” He threw his hands out towards the street, then slapped them over his mouth. Spidey eyed him.

“The acoustics here are amazing,” he admitted, a smile in his voice. “I get all the info I need just by sitting here.”

“Shit really? That’s some Jedi level stuff. You, like, feeling the vibrations of the universe and shit right?” It came out rushed and spidey snorted.

“No man I have a police pager on my phone. I’m fucking with you.” Spidey said. Retrieving a phone from a pocket wade had no idea had been there and wiggled it.

“Rude.”

“Yea well you deserved that. At least.” Spiderman said with an eye roll.

“Touché” Deadpool forced himself to stare at the cityscape again. instead of thinking about suits and pockets.

[[Yea and his ass]]

{{You’re obsessed. It’s sad to watch.}}

“Well good. Cause then you’d be harping on daredevil’s turf.” They sat like that much longer than Deadpool thought he’d last. It took all his willpower not to ruin the quiet. And even then He still blew it.

“So.. this is it huh,”Wade turned and boxed Spiderman in with his thumb and finger “the man in action” Spiderman raised an eyebrow and snorted despite himself. “I was promised exciting hi-jinx, and life threatening escapades.” His eyes shifted side to side, waiting for someone to come snapping out of the wood works. Or hopping.

“Hey I’m not complaining! I can’t go anywhere without getting stopped by some mugging or whatever!” Spidey laughed pitifully. “I mean it literally happened twenty minutes ago.”

“Sounds like you’re an addict chasing trouble.”

“It’s the other way around I tell you!” He complained, undignified.

“I’m not sure if I believe you!” He shot back. Spider-Man laughed, really laughed. It was a moment Deadpool wanted to cherish. It had to mean something didn’t it, that he could make his hero laugh.

That moment was short lived. In the next Spider-Man’s phone lit up and the automated voice interrupted them. “209a heading towards brooklynn.”

Chapter Text

For a good three blocks deadpool kept up pace with his hero. But he suspected he was just being humoured, by the forth he was was left behind. That didn’t matter he could sniff out crime like a hellhound.

[[what matters is how slow your blubberass is!]]

“I’m – fashionably – late!” Deadpool panted. A lady with a stroller stepped onto his path and he narrowly dodged them. Deadpool ran full speed into a waste bin instead. sent it flying and threw garbage all over the street.

“It’s called making an entrance!” He ran through New York’s street at top speed. Dodged more pedestrians on the way. All he had to go on was an automated message and that Spiderman webbed in the general direction of Brooklyn.

[[without so much as a good day, might I add]]

Deadpool grunted, and leaped clear over some kid’s head, into the street. A horn blared and he heard the car whip by. The second he wasn’t so lucky for. he slammed into the hood, then over the roof.

[[ahhhhh watch out - for

that

treeeeę!]]

Everything went into slow motion. every sound and face blurred beyond recondition, then blacked out entirely. The last thing he remembered was the concrete on his back. Cold and wet from the rain.

“Ah oh no I’ve killed him, he is going to kill me when he wakes.” Deadpool heard dophinder’s high-pitched voice before he was fully conscience. Dreamed his beautiful brown face onto a little Michelangelo cherub. When he opened his eyes Dophinder’s face was only a few inches away and disappointingly cherrubless. “ I promised myself this would never happen again.”

“Yea. How many manslaughters does it take to get a cab licence revoked?” Deadpool rubbed his temple and supported himself up on his elbows. There was that high pitched ring in his ear that meant he just died. But he wasn’t sure how long he’d been out. Dophinder wrapped his hands around deadpool’s to help him up. It took two tries but he was able to stand Deadpool to his full height.

“Oh three, so can we keep this one just between us?” Dophinder said anxiously, Dusting off deadpool’s suit. He pulled a handkerchief from his breast pocket, licked the edge, then started dabbing deadpool’s temple. Deadpool swatted his hands away. And when Dophiner tried to dab it again grabbed the pocket square and threw it across the street.

{{how is it three?}}

“Just let me extort your transport services like always, and we can call it even.” Deadpool grunted, Dophinder nodded his head enthusiastically, and ran around the side of the cab to the drivers side.

{{three seems exceedingly high, doesn’t it??}}

“where too mr. Pool boy?” Dophinder’s fingers were drumming to the music over his steering wheel. Deadpool grabbed onto the headrest of the seat in front of him, and leaned his head over Dophinder’s shoulder.

[[Why are we even in the back?]]

“It’s safer. Brooklyn. You’ll know it when you see it.”

{{because we can’t afford another black out.}}

“Well I do know Brooklyn, at least a little, from the driving,” Dophinder smiled shakily back at Deadpool. Deadpool started back, pointed to his eyes, then pointed to the road. The car bobbed over a curb then slid neatly back into place.

“Ah.” Dophinder said a short ride later. Deadpool hummed back in response “you were not kidding. I would know it when I saw it. You’re destination is the General fire and destruction?” Deadpool nodded his head and started rubbing those shoulders, just itching for the fight.

“that’s the place.”

They skidded to a halt, before the car even stopped Deadpool was out and running towards the bridge. Dophinder reached over from his seat and closed the passenger door. Called that his doors were always open. Cab or house Deadpool didn’t care.

[[he hearts us.]]

{{It’s Stockholm syndrome.}}

Deadpool gunned it down that road. The police hadn’t arrived yet but the civilians formed an impromptu semi circle around the bridge exit. as if there was police tape up. Deadpool burst threw the crowd in a chorus of cheers.

[[The crowds are calling my name!]]

{{They’re yelling at you because you bulldozed into them..}}

“They still know my name tho.” two transport trucks blocked his view of the fight. He was just a yard away. He ran faster.

Deadpool rounded the second truck, his shoes skidded on the asphalt. And there suspended perfectly between the two structures, wrapped up pretty in webs was the goon.

[[is it a present for us? ]]

Deadpool dragged his feet to get a closer look. Taped to the guy’s chest was a note, he snatched it. In that familiar swirling and looping handwriting read.

Same time next week?

Chapter Text

When the time finally rolled around Deadpool was not fashionably late. This time he waited at the meet up spot midnight sharp. He shifted his weight from foot too foot as he waited.

[[I can’t believe we’re going on a date!]]

Deadpool ignored the yellow box, checked his watch for the fifth time. The drinks in his hands had long since gone cold. Both his and Spider-Man’s disgusting black coffee were untouched.

{{its not a date.}}

[[uhhh the note said it was.]]

“Alright what do you think it said.” Deadpool crouched down and watched the street below. They were only a few stories up, a fall from here wouldn’t even kill a guy just fuck them up pretty good. Maybe scar em for life. He set Spider-Man’s coffee down on the ledge beside him. Politeness be dammed he’d waited half an hour already.

[[um had a blast tonight, can’t wait to have another?? ;) xoxo]]

{{wow no you were right, sorry to ever fucking doubt you.}}

Deadpool rolled his eyes, then his mask up. He was alone and it beat drinking through spandex. He brought the drink to his lips then he heard Spider-Man’s warning. He shoved the mask hastily back into place.

The next second some thug ran full speed towards the ledge. Deadpool didn’t think. Just dropped his coffee and lunged for the guy. They collied, hit the second cup, and spilled the entirety of both drinks all over deadpool’s suit.

“Hey!” Deadpool tried to tighten his grip around the guys wrist, but he shook free. He jumped off the building. Their collision fucked up his trajectory but the thug stuck the landing. “hey rude! Our lawyers will be in touch!” Deadpool called after his retreating form. A second later Spiderman zipped past on a web.

“Awe cmon you had that guy!” Spiderman called, rolled mid air and landed neatly beside Deadpool. “You let him get away, didn’t you?” There was a smirk in his voice.

“You caught me. Thrill of the chase and all that.” He deadpanned. Spider-Man snorted and slapped a hand on his back good naturedly. Then was back on the chase. Used the momentum of a swing to throw himself ever upwards.

“Catch you on the flip side!” Spiderman called, his voice carried far on the winds. He twisted midair and flipped clean over some buildings. Deadpool stared after him long after he was gone.

“My coffee.” Deadpool whined, brushed the liquid off his chest and shook his boot. some of the coffee had gotten into it and sloshed between his toes. His socks would be wet all day.

[[My date!]]

Deadpool spent the better part of two hours following spidey’s trail. It wasn’t complete destruction, but it wasn’t subtle. The wet shoes didn’t improve his mood. When he finally caught up to the hero he was flanked by two avengers. Deadpool hung back. After Ironman and America’s next top model skittered off towards stark towers he jogged up.

“Hey you owe me a new suit.” Deadpool called. He Caught him mid web. Instead of flying off into the sunset spiderman swung low to the ground. It didn’t give him much speed but Deadpool still had to run to keep up.

“Consider it collateral for stealing mine.” Spiderman called back and landed a building away. He crouched on the building’s face, and waited for Deadpool to catch up.

They were eye to eye. Deadpool jabbed a finger towards his face.

“now you listen to me here baby boy I was rocking this suit while you were still shitting in diapers. “ Spiderman pushed his hand away.

{{That’s a gross exaggeration. You were in the scene like, three years before him.}}

“Gross.” Spiderman repeated.

“Yeh-ah. Plagiarism is gross. You should be ashamed.” Putting the battle scene behind them, Deadpool walked backwards to face spidey.

“And here I thought it was the strongest form of flattery.” Spiderman rolled his eyes, then crawled along the wall, keeping pace with deadpool’s steps. It should have been creepy.

{{It’s… just fascinating.}}

“So you admit it!” Deadpool said.

“Deadpool you barged into my city way after I showed up.” Spiderman scoffed.

“Spiderman I was running this place way before you stuck your flag in it.” They were at a standoff neither willing to budge. He got the feeling Spiderman smirked under that mask. Then Spiderman hopped down onto the sidewalk.

“Yea sure Deadpool.” Spiderman brushed passed him “what were you saying again? I owed you a coffee?” Spiderman regarded him in a short lived lull in the conversation. Deadpool scoffed.

{{no way…}}

[[Yes way!]]

“You owe me a suit.” He corrected, Spiderman waved him away. Then walked away, Deadpool followed.

Chapter Text

“So then he says, ‘you just got blazed!’ and I’m like-” Spiderman swallowed around his mouthful of bagel, and Deadpool tried not to stare at the bit of exposed chin. “first of all you prince zuko look alike, you missed, second you need to rethink that catchfraze. Aim a little higher man.” Spiderman shoved in another mouthful of food.

{{Jesus Christ. Phrasing.}}

“Jesus kid. That’s a low pull.” Deadpool said, smirking. Spider-Man looked hurt.

“C’mon, avatar..” he mumbled.

“Yea I’m familiar with James Cameron. Not what I meant.” Deadpool took a long pull of his own hot chocolate, it beat the coffee here.

“Wrong producer, Night Shyamalam. And You wanted to hear the story in the first place.” Spiderman waved him away absently with one hand, with the other he downed a swig of his own drink. Deadpool gestured for him to go on. “so he says, and remember I’m a story above him. he says, ‘you’re the only one who’s high around here.’ Like. Like do they even hear themselves?”

“You’re a tough one to compete with baby boy. Can’t blame him for choking with the one and only spidey.”

{{Phrasing!}}

[[Oh is this what we’re doing now?]]

“Yea well you don’t. They got to get better material.” He said, and grinned back at him. It was almost a compliment and it was his own danm business if it made his stomach do twists. They sat in silence a moment. Deadpool stared out at the city, his hands purposely still in his lap, Spiderman stole glances to deadpool’s uneaten breakfast, but didn’t say anything.

“alright. Why are you still in New York, really.” Spiderman finally asked, forced nonchalance in his voice. It was just awkward.

“Can’t I site see?” Deadpool’s tone was light and joking. But his stomach was doing that twisting thing. It did that more often these days. Spider-Man just shook his head.

“No, c’mon we’ve done this old song and dance already.” Spiderman said. Then took a pause to breathe. “You said you’re here on business. And you’ve been to New York before but never this long.”

“Ahhh those were the days. you remember that thing with the monkey don’t you spidey? What was that, six years ago now?”’ Deadpool leaned back on his hands. Forcing ease into his movements. But it did nothing under the scrutiny of Spider-Man’s stare.

“humour me.” Deadpool felt his mouth go dry.

[[oh I humour you all the time.]]

{{shut up. Both of you, stop talking. Deadpool This is not that time. We’ve talked about this.}}

Wade pursed his lips. Spider-Man waited. Deadpool was the first to cave.

“Fine! You wanna know?” Spiderman nodded and his boxes protested louder. Wade almost didn’t Answer. Then couldn’t think of anything else. So he did the next closest thing, deflected with self deprecating humour. “Alright you asked for it. I got a few leads on my wrist buddies. And I’m narrowing down the odds. I think I’ll need it eh?”

{{you’re a fool. And narrowing down the odds sounds like your killing them.}}

[[Plan B!]]

“Y’know it doesn’t always work like that right?” Spider-Man gave him a strange look, then rolled his eyes. took his silence as a need to elaborate. “You’re going to, what? Follow that name down the phone book, find out where they live, track them down, just to see if your name’s on their wrist?”

It wasn’t unheard of. Lovesick fools who banged down every door filled the headliners. Making romance and horror stories alike.

“Some people don’t even get two names. Some get tons. And there’s even cases of changing names. You’re better off just going about your life and letting whatever happens happen.”

“Oooh so you’re an anti-wrister” Wade grinned. Spider-Man rolled his eyes and shoved him.

“That is super duper not the name for it.” Spiderman clucked. He picked at the fibres of his suit. When spidey noticed the tick he picked up his sandwich instead. “Ante anima sodalis.”

Spiderman didn’t take a bite. Just inspected the sandwich and picked out stray sesame seeds. He looked like he might’ve kept talking if given the chance. And to Wade’s horror he might of too. Instead they were both saved by the bell,

That beautiful, dammed phone went off, and Spider-Man was up and gone before the announcement was finished. Like he needed the excuse.

Chapter Text

Deadpool stood up slowly, leaned down to grab his bagel. Felt the burn in the back of his knees that told him he was getting soft. New York went on all around him. A thousand lights, a thousand screaming people. It never stopped, not for anything or anyone. He pitched his bagel as far as he could.

[[my bagel…]]

He turned to leave, his boot hit spidey’s cup. The dark liquid spilled everywhere and the cup rolled to a stop.

‘Thanks spidey :)’

He looked over the scratchy lettering for a moment. He wasn’t sure what possessed him to do it, but he retrieved the cup. pulled out a sharpie. And set the cup back down on the ledge.

‘Thanks spidey :)

1-833-377-4323
If you ever need a hand
- Your Friendly neighbourhood Deadpool guy.’

[[Oh jeez that’s corny. Next time just go with “for a good time call me.”]]

He didn’t mean it like that. And he didn’t really care. Wade retreated from the roof, and made his way to the subway. He’d had enough of rooftops to last him a while.

{{you got a friend in me.}}

Stairwells covered in graffiti, nearly empty platforms, disgusting subway seating, annoying boxes. He passed it all by.

[[oh nice one, how bout, next time you want to bust crime or anything else.]]

{{Too desperate, your first one was better.}}

He laid his head heavily against the glass, When the vertigo from the rapidly passing tunnels was too much, Deadpool closed his eyes and drowned out everything but the rattle of the subway.

And then he was home. He fell the long way to his mattress on the floor. kicked off a shoe. Moved his sock to the heel of his other,

Then woke up.

“Fuuuuuck I feel like garbage.” He groaned, he tried and failed to rub the sleep from his eyes.

[[you look like it too.]]

“Piss off. How long was I out?” Deadpool flipped onto his back, and spread his arms out wide on either side of him. He stared up at his ceiling, wondered absently how and when the slice of pizza got up there, and if it was still good.

{{almost twenty-four hours.}}

“no way.” Deadpool sat up and tugged his phone out of his pocket. Just a struggle and wiggle and he had the proof in front of him. “It’s tomorrow.”

Then he noticed the texts and something got lodged in his throat. He sputtered, fumbled and nearly lost the phone.

Yesterday 8:45 AM
You can’t just say that. That’s copy righted.

Today 12:34 AM
Lexington / 43Rd st

Today 2:11 AM
Could use that hand right about now

[[FUuuuuu]]

“Uuukkk.” The text had woken him up. The text from Spiderman Specifically asking him for help. Spider-Man’s text.

He arrived on the scene unceremoniously. Had hoofed it over rooftop and through streets. he panted heavily and could taste iron in his throat. Bent over, his hands on his knees Deadpool tried to get his breathing under control. He looked up and wasn’t sure how he hadn’t noticed the destruction earlier.

[[Oh god we made it. Did we make it?]]

He stared out, could see smoke and ash and flame. like out of some shitty Michael bay movie.

[[my little heart can’t take the suspense!]]

They were in the middle of a street but it barely resembled one. Five cars were piled up on one end. The other had three cars flipped over in different levels of fucked.

Above him on the rooftops spidey went toe to toe with some villain. The baddie attacked and in the last second spidey twisted impossibly out of the way. He made it look easy as he darted from building to building. Deadpool grinned,

“Cowabunga!” He unsheathed his katanas, and ran with them raised over his head. he looked crazy. Crazier then usual or he had any business being. Somehow over all the noise he heard the sirens of a fire truck.

He almost hadn’t heard it. Screaming, crying and little fists banging on a glass window. He slowed until he stood beside the car. There he saw the kid trapped inside. Panicked and tear-stained, he stared up at Deadpool from the dented wreck.

[[But… we gotta show off our badassed fighting techniques…]]

Deadpool watched the kid long enough for the shock to wear off his little features. Then he screamed again, and started to bang on the glass harder. The sounds muffled by the door.

{{Don’t play a part your not suited for.}}

The kid was easily missed In all the excitement of battle. He could of ran right by and not heard it, hell he almost had.

[[We could come back for him!!]]

Deadpool would like to think he didn’t think about it. Instead he flipped his sword around, brought down the butt end with all the force he could muster. The glass on the drivers door shattered, in the back seat the kid jumped.

“Alright rides over get your arms and legs out of the vehicle!” He stuck an arm through the opening to hoist him out. the kid scrambled back into the furthest corner away from Deadpool.

[[there will be absolutely no refund. You signed the waiver on the way in.]]

“C’mon I ain’t got all day. My debut is about to start!” Deadpool groaned, minding the glass he poked his head through. The boy made no sound and didn’t move, just shook on the spot.

{{he’s hyperventilating. Panic attack most likely.}}

“Yea no shit Sherlock.” He yanked the door handle a few times. It was dented in and wouldn’t budge. Deadpool cussed. Other cars around them started to catch fire and those were bad odds. Using the top of the car as leverage, he jumped, and dropped through the opening legs first.

He tried to kick out the doors. Hard. And Dislocated an ankle in the process with nothing to show for it. Alone he could get out through the already open window. If the kid hadn’t been catatonic Deadpool could of helped pull him through. But nothing ever went the way it should. Instead he reached for the unresponsive boy; put a hand over his one ear and pushed the other into the cushion of the seat.

“This is going to fucking suck kiddo but believe you me roasting over an open fire is way shittier.” Deadpool pulled out his pistol. He shot the glass out and used the butt end to remove the rest of the softened windshield. The kid screamed again. If they didn’t just explode then the migraine was gonna kill him.

{{Now he’s scared for life and deaf.}}

[[Good back story tho.]]

He grabbed the boy ran them to the police tape. untucked him from under his arm, and passed him to the first person he saw.

[[touchdown!!]]

{{he isn’t a football.}}

Deadpool turned back to the crime scene. It should have been dark save the streetlights. It was an orange brighter than the day. The firemen struggled with the fire, they would manage.

A rooftop above him he heard a different struggle. Which meant a fight, and he was itching for one.

Chapter Text

He climbed up the rooftop in much of the same way he arrived. Stumbling and out of breath, though this time from the smoke.

“Never… fear! Deadpool is… huuuhhg one second.. I’m here. Is here, fuck.” He laid on the concrete a minute, held up a finger. He used the emergency railing as support and dragged himself up.

{{very heroic.}}

Deadpool spit out what could only be blood, but forgot to pull up his mask.

[[I feel safer already!]]

Below him the orange glow recited. In front of him spidey stood strong. Framed and lit by that light so that the colours of his suit blended into orange and almost black. he looked like he should be on a theatre screen not standing three feet away. Also the bad guy was all webbed up FUCK!

[[We… we missed it?]]

“Nice of you to finally join us Deadpool.” Spiderman joked. He spoke towards the thug; and secured the webs.“If I’d known all you needed was an invitation to stay out of crime, I would of done it sooner.” It wasn’t cruel. It was light and a jab at humour amid a messed up night. It just fucking sucked.

“What can I say I’m a phenomenal listener.” he edged closer to the scene. The villain’s face was going red from the restraints but he could still breath.

“Farthest thing from it Pool.” Spiderman clapped his hands to dust them off. Then worked on his knees

{{Don’t make me say it again.}}

[[I will! Phrasing! ;)]]

“I knew you had it handled then!” Deadpool gave the guy a kick for good measure. Spider-Man eyed him, then physically turned him away.

“How generous.” Spiderman said leading Deadpool to the edge of the roof by the shoulders. Deadpool dragged his feet. “We’d better get down there. Looks like they could use a hand too.”

Then he jumped the distance down, rolled on impact as if it wasn’t shit. Deadpool deflated. Then eyed the emergency exit he had climbed up.

Getting down was easier than up. He slid down the later, forgot about his ankle and hit the floor. Hard. A shot of pain sprang up his leg, then a familiar creeping sensation as his muscles knitted themselves back together.

He limped towards the Main Street. Spider-Man worked in tangent with the firemen. Piled up rubble as they put out fires.

Deadpool looked around lost. He could see ambulances and a couple people with those weighted blankets on them. He didn’t look for the kid.

{{What are we a cleaning service?}}

“Nope just the cleaners. I’m gonna round up the bodies and make them disappear.” Deadpool said, his tone level and bored. He pulled out a spray bottle and aimed at a small fire.

[[Were not even dressed for the event! I need my maid costume!! It makes your butt look good!]]

Deadpool didn’t dignify that with a response. Everything made his ass look good.

He stood and spritzed the fire some more. “No, Bad. Stop that.”

“Well, it’s the thought that counts” Spiderman said from beside him. Deadpool hadn’t heard him approach.

“No wait, I think I’m winning.” The fire had eaten all the surrounding rubble and was slowly going out. When it died they both stood there. Didn’t say a word. It was Spiderman who broke that silence first.

“Well looks like I Can leave the rest to you yeah?” Spiderman gestured behind him, Deadpool didn’t have to look to know the excitement had already died. Spider-Man didn’t wait for an answer, or if he had Deadpool didn’t give one.

Just heard the thwip, and knew Spiderman was gone.

So Deadpool got ditched, again. with nothing to show for his efforts. The old song and dance was getting, well old. He kicked a rock as hard as he could. It hit a fireman. When he shouted Deadpool flipped him the bird and left.

Chapter Text

“Wh-wher fucking what am I doing here?” Deadpool snapped upward. His face was wet on one side and he wiped a glove across it. His shoe was still missing.

[[plot.]]

“I asked you the same thing. Then myself. Then god.” Weasel said. He had dragged a barstool over to his side of the bar and sat across from Deadpool. Deadpool squinted.

{{You slept off the smoke inhalation.}}

Wade just shrugged, satisfied. Wasn’t the first time he died by smoke inhalation, wouldn’t be the last. They called it the silent killer for a reason. Wade reached over the counter and grabbed the first bottle he laid his hands on. Weasel cringed inwardly.

“Right. Where were we again?” He asked.

“Well, you barged in here, crying, at two am. Wouldn’t let me close up shop, and then passed out at my bar.” Weasel said. Deadpool looked around, low n behold the bar was empty.

“So you wanna talk about it?” Weasel crossed his arms casually. Deadpool shook his head. “Cool, so you wanna leave?”

Deadpool just took a long slow pull from the bottle, weasel raised his eyebrows in a knowing look Deadpool wouldn’t meet. He waited long enough for the Merc’s foot to start bouncing.

“Fine! I got a major heart-boner for Spiderman, man.” He admitted, throwing his hands up in exasperation. Weasel cringed outwardly.

[[Danny sex-bang is my dream daddy.]]

“Why does it always come down to your love-life” Weasel shook his head “okay. So what’s the game plan this time? That whole Vanessa thing bit the dust.” Deadpool caught the tone change, but let it go.

[[Like you let her go?]]

“Creep him until a weird form of Stockholm syndrome sets in?” Deadpool offered.

“I mean that’s what worked with Van right? I don’t know why, she was out of your league before all this. But in some twisted fucked up way you guys just clicked.” Weasel trailed off. Deadpool shut his eyes and breathed in slowly through his nose. “Anyways man I was rooting for you two.”

“Not this again.” Deadpool said.

“I just mean, Vanessa was real. You’re chasing some kinda fantasy.” Weasel replied. Deadpool took another swig. Not that it did anything.

“We wanted different things.”

“Kids. A stable home. A normal job”

“And that ain’t me!”

Weasel sighed. Deadpool swirled the bottle around and downed another shot. “Okay but Spider-Man… cmon. Like if it’s dudes fine I’ll support you or whatever but. He’s a slogan. there’s no room for the person in all that symbol.”

“That’s the point Wes! Me and Vanessa didn’t work cause she couldn’t accept the suit and the shitbag in it.” Deadpool yelled. And for the first time he could remember, he watched Weasel’s ease and good nature fall away. “It’s been eight years man. Let it go.”

“Yeah. Cause things went to shit and you bailed. For five years. Look man I’m here for you, cause before all this you used to have my back. But I have no idea what you want me to say.” Weasel finished. His arms crossed tighter over his chest and he looked off in the distance. Frustrated. Deadpool blinked.

“Oh” Deadpool stood. “how could I be so foolish.” Slowly he raised his hands towards Weasel. Who looked up, got creeped out, then got ready to bolt. “I couldn’t see what was in front of me this whole time” before Weasel could move, those hands clasped around his cheeks and Deadpool made kissy faces. Weasel tried to push him off.

[[try to Weasel your way out of this!]]

“Oh fuck off.” He Said, struggling.

“You’re a real friend Wes~<3”

“We are not friends. I disown you. Get out you freeloader.” Weasel deadpanned. He shoved deadpool’s face out of the way with a hand over deadpool’s mouth and nose.

“Not until you say you missed me!” Deadpool whined.

“Ugh fine. I missed you. Now I’ve had enough of you to last me a lifetime.” Weasel complained. True to his word, Deadpool saluted him, turned on his foot and marched out. He’d never admit it but he didn’t think Weasel would say it. Or how much he needed to hear it. “And pay your fucking tab next time!”

Chapter Text

When he left the bar and the morning sun assaulted his eyes; his sliver of a good mood was gone. All the midnight escapades sucked the life out of him. Even with his regeneration. Not that he ever even made it to one.

He sighed and rubbed his eyes. Nothing happened in the mornings. It was too early for anyone with good sense to be awake. Yet the street was crowded. Suits rushed to their cubicles, pushed and shoved to get there on time.

[[Business suits. Not the cool kind.]]

Deadpool pulled out his phone, and scrolled as he walked. He didn’t care when someone knocked into him. Just stared blankly at the screen on his way home. Then he stopped. Dead in the street.

“FIRES DEVASTATE BROOKLYN, spider-man’s negligence puts Four civilians in critical care. statement from guardian of a nine year old boy in intensive care.”

[[talk about biased narration.]]

Deadpool stared at the article long after he finished it. Didn’t register it when he threw the phone or when it hit a pedestrians foot.

Just knew he hopped another subway station and was at the obnoxious blue door barely an hour into opening. He shoved past the protesting server and scanned the room. The last empty tables quickly filled with guests who made reservations.

{{You’re missing a shoe.}}

[[No shirt, No shoes, No shits given.]]

{{what makes you think he’ll even be here? He’s never before.}}’

Behind him the server and customers yelled out. From the kitchen he could smell greasy breakfast foods. And three tables down, tucked away in the back corner he could see that brown eyed boy.

{{36th times the charm. I guess.}}

“Alright are you going to explain this or should I?” Deadpool demanded, he sat his ass down on the booth beside Parker. Who sputtered indignantly, but pushed over. When wade stole the phone from his front pocket he couldn’t even form words, just made sounds of distress.

Wade opened up the article and shoved it in his face “it was hooorible! I saw him destroy my car window, and-“

“Awe you’re not even going to introduce me to you’re new friend?”

“That’s not a good idea-“ Peter said. Eyes darting between the phone, Deadpool, and the girl across from them, nervously.

“Deadpool. You’re welcome. I’ll sign autographs later.” Deadpool didn’t spare the red-head a glance, just continued with his original rant. “And if that wasn’t bad enough I hear this loud bang! And next thing I see is him dragging out little Tommy by the leg! he’s traumatized the poor boy!” Wade said In a pompous voice, mocking the interviewee’s indignation. Peter pinched the bridge of his nose, then gently pushed the phone out of his face.

“Like I said before I don’t-“ Peter started, but Deadpool quickly cut him off. Parker couldn’t get a word in edgewise.

“First of all I did not carry him by the leg, I carried him like a football, the safest mode of travel. Second of all fuck the car. Third fuck that lady why didn’t she grab her kid. Third again you’re making it seem like Spiderman did it fourth it was me! And fifth whoever did it it’s a good thing!!”

“Charmed deadpool, I’m Mary Jane Watson.” She said, moving her hand for a handshake. She didn’t miss a beat. When Wade didn’t return it she smoothly tucked a red curl behind her ear instead. “You’ve got quite the mouth on you huh?”

“Yea kinda my trademark lady. Listen I’m discussing something important right now and- and did you say Mary Jane Watson?” Deadpool finally stopped long enough to look at her. for once he wasn’t just hearing things. “The Watson?”

“One in the same” she said easily, a million dollar smile lighting up her face, and a fucking snort once she saw Wade’s gobsmacked expression. Like she wasn’t a million dollar actress.

“MJ don’t encourage him…” Peter groaned.

“Like from the movies?” Deadpool’s attention was Fully on MJ, Parker forgotten beside him. she sipped her coffee with ease.

“Only the day time television ones,” she said. Peter dropped his head in his hands and made a frustrated noise.

“Well shit what are you doing with Parker?”

“Well he does put me in the papers” MJ offered nonchalantly.

“You really ought to find a better publicist, he’s a biased narrator. Here,” Deadpool reached into his pocket and fished around for a second. “take my business card” Deadpool handed it to her and she graciously accepted the embodied card.

“For the last time I only take picture for the bugle! I don’t write the articles!” Peter yelled dropping his hands hard on the table. MJ laughed louder this time, taking joy out of his frustration. Then he turned on wade.

[[Can we get her autograph instead???]]

“No. you!” Peter said and pushed Wade out of the booth. “Are coming with me.” Peter grabbed his arm and dragged him towards the door. Quite a feat what with Wade’s full foot on him, and burlier size. “And I’ll deal with you when I get back!” Peter called over his shoulder.

“Sure whatever you say tiger.” Watson smile was easy and infectious. The door slammed behind them.

Chapter Text

“What the hell! That was my way into the industry!” Wade yelled as he was dragged out of the restaurant.

“And now it’s your way out of the industry. The Restaurant industry, don’t come around here again Deadpool.” Peter had an iron grip on his arm, Deadpool tried to pull out of it. But Parker tightened his grip and led him towards a park.

“Okay what’s your problem with me!” Parker pushed him forward by that arm and Deadpool stumbled. Barely Keeping his footing he met that glare head on.

“What’s your problem with me?!” He yelled back, rubbing the sore spot. They had passed by the majority of the crowd and found a semi private place. Those who did pass by their spot walked faster.

“Well let’s see, first stalked me at the bugle, then you break into my work; and now you’re endangering my friends! What’s next? You set up camp in my house? Jesus!” Through the rant Parker had begun to pace on the spot. He was working himself up with every word.

[[woah that’s a bit sudden.]]

{{I suspect this has all been leading up to a fight.}}

[[take me to dinner before you invite me inside your house. not just breakfast!]]

{{god you’re hopeless.}}

“I don’t know where you live.” Deadpool answered honestly. He watched the pacing carefully until it stopped.

“Well.. well good!” Peter yelled throwing his hands up in the air. Deadpool squinted.

“But How’d you know I was stalking the bugle? No one saw me.” Parker got quiet a second, then looked to the side like he was checking something.

“Spiderman told me.” Parker confirmed Wade’s suspicions.

“So you are close! I knew it.” Deadpool pointed a finger into his chest. Parker just shook his head hard. Stepped backwards out of his personal bubble.

“What do you want from me Deadpool.” Peter wasn’t yelling anymore. It was a calm angry. A calculated risk as he glared dead on.

“I’m here to tell you to back off Parker.”

“Back off?” Peter asked skeptically, raising a brow up at Deadpool.

“From Spiderman! I’m not just going to sit by while you-“ Peter opened his mouth to argue. “While your precious paper slanders his good name. Just stay far away from him. Or you’ll have to deal with me.” It was a threat. And Deadpool took a step forward to make that clear. He stared down at the man.

[[jesus he’s like Bambi]]

“Oh and I’m sure I won’t like you when you’re angry?” Peter glared right back up at him. Didn’t loose a smidge of his initial gusto. He had a face made for smiling. All dimples and laugh lines, but he had a mean glare. When Parker got angry his neck and ears went red.

“Well… no!” Wade was the first to turn away from that look.

“I don’t like you now.”

“Well good! Play your cards right and you’ll never have to see me again!” Deadpool whipped around again. Only Peter had already started walking away.

“Fine by me!” Peter yelled over his shoulder with another freaking wave.

“Fine!” Deadpool screamed at his retreating back.

“Fine!” He disappeared into the crowd. Anyone who had stopped to eavesdrop made themselves scarce.

[[uhhh… did you guys just like… break up?]]

“Oh shut the fuck up.” Deadpool pushed through the crowd, exited stage left.

Chapter Text

[[so it’s official?]]

“Listen for the last time that wasn’t a break up, I can’t fucking stand the kid.” He said, and kicked the empty soda can further down the sidewalk.

{{Exactly.}}

[[is that why we’ve thought about it all day?]]

“Yea! His day job is evil scientists and he moonlights as paparazzi. For a paper that shits all over Spiderman.” Wade grumbled. Somehow he had found himself in yet another deserted warehouse district. How many did New York even have.

{{yes. And what does that mean?}}

“Please white. don’t act all high and mighty we knew Spidey was the one for us first time we saw that perfectly sculpted ass.” Wade said. Stupid Parker and his stupid paper and dumb face. He kicked hard as he could. It skittered further down the sidewalk. “But he’s proved my worst suspicion.”

[[what?]]

“He’s my love rival.” He paused for dramatic effect. It was a moment of clarity admixed all the soul searching.

{{Highly doubtful}}

[[dude you’re your own damn rival.]]

“Well he’s something!” He said frustrated. “Friend or confidant or whatever they talk a lot”

[[Designated cock block maybe.]]

{{disgusting.}}

Deadpool kicked the soda one last time, into some back alley. It hit a dumpster diagonally, then disappeared. Some cat yowled and scampered off. something way bigger followed suit.

[[oooh I smell ploooot]]

{{I smell week old trash}}

Parker forgotten Deadpool snaked around the industrial sized garbage bins. Further and further into the alley until he came to the back loading area of the factory. A door creaked, and a shadow ducked into the building ahead of him.

“Bingo.” Deadpool found his way into the building and tailed the baddie down a hall before he took him out. tossed the body in a side closet and pressed on.

{{what even is your plan here?}}

“Chase the breadcrumbs of crime until I bump into a certain crime enthusiast.” Deadpool said.

[[You make it sound like he’s doing the crimes]]

{{would Spiderman even approve of your escapade?}}

“Ah lay off it I didn’t kill the guy.” Deadpool rolled his eyes. He went down two more corridors. Not a single soul met him on his way.

[[maybe gave him a concussion.]]

“Exactly.” He moved through the darken hallway, into a large warehouse. the only light source came from the greenhouse-like skylights above. Back in its prime it may have even been nice too work under those skylights. All the natural sun probably did wonders for the workers. Right now it was dark and those shadows could hold a lot of baddies.

{{you’re just looking for a distraction.}}

“Now you’re getting it!” Crates were sewn about everywhere. At least patrols were light.

Deadpool rounded one more crate then felt his body go taught. He was set down on a beam and his mouth was covered by a hand. Twelve feet above where he’d been. The webs outed Spiderman even as Deadpool faced away. Only when he was sure Deadpool wouldn’t scream, did a pider-Man moved his hand.

“Let me guess ‘what’re you doing here Deadpool’?” Deadpool joked. Happy to finally have gotten there on time. And to be distracted from the shitty day. One fight after another, at least this one would be fun.

Spider-Man didn’t answer right away. He let Spiderman pull him back towards the Way they came. “this time I actually was being a Good Samaritan. Thought I’d come to our patrol party early. Caught a baddie for you back there and everything!”

“No. I don’t care why you’re here anymore. I want you not here. This patrol thing isn’t working out.” Spiderman said curtly.

[[two for two on break ups.]]

{{good job. You managed to ruin it after just one patrol.}}

“c’mon spidey! I know I’ve been flakey but it’s just a speed thing! I’ll get the timing down.” Deadpool said, he felt the desperation in his throat and searched for some kind of life line.

{{you didn’t help at all}}

“we made a good team last night! Kinda!” Deadpool protested. He pulled his arm away, maybe too harshly. And told himself spidey was just getting cold feet.”you probably didn’t see what I did back there but I even sav-

“No you’re off the case.” Spidey snapped.

Deadpool nearly buckled. But he couldn’t quit yet. For the first time ever it felt like he made actual progress with the hero. He couldn’t for the life of him understand what happened between now and last night, that changed the hero’s disposition so much.

“C’mon You could clearly use a hand! you’re about to take out a hive of baddies.” Deadpool tried desperately, he gestured with said hand to the thugs patrolling below them. From this vantage point he could see he had just been lucky. At least twelve men went around oblivious to the going ons above.

“No Deadpool. Because Every time I give you an inch I turn around and you’ve- Jesus Christ literally!” When Spiderman turned around again deadpool was gone. Had hopped off the crates and followed some thug wearing headphones. Easy target; he had to prove to spidey he could do this. That he could be an asset on protons. That he wasn’t a waste of the hero’s time.

Deadpool raised his pistol over his head but Before he could bring it down his arm was stuck awkwardly in place. Spiderman dropped beside him and pushed them both into the shadows outside of the patrol. “And you’ve killed someone or maimed someone or are STALKING someone I told you to keep out of this.”

“Is this about Parker again?” Deadpool asked. Then cursed himself for even bringing it up. He looked guilty if he brought him up out of the blue. Without asking Spiderman grabbed deadpool’s calf dagger and cut his own webs. Deadpool replaced it, and tried to come up with a story or way to save Things.

A baddie stepped into the light to check their hiding spot. He was quickly webbed between them, mouth covered. Deadpool panicked. Felt embarrassment heat up his face and lashed out.

“What’s it matter huh?” Deadpool rounded the corner, Spiderman hot on his heels. “So I did the thing at the bugle, so what. That was weeks ago! You’ve got to let it go.”

Deadpool gestured to his gun with the safety switched on, then he brought it down on the back of the baddie’s head. Knocking him out. Spider-Man webbed him out of sight.

“And the restaurant?” He crawled up a wall as someone came into view, Deadpool hid behind a crate. He felt his face get warmer and his stomach twist up. It was always Parker wasn’t it. The next minute the guy was webbed to the ceiling, Spider-Man steamrolled ahead. “Why can’t you just I don’t know give the guy a break? Do the things I ask? Eithers fine.” Deadpool counted five taken out. Before he stopped caring.

“Oh he ratted? Don’t worry I can definite give him a break” they stopped moving, had gotten lost in the argument.

“Gentlemen! We’ve been expecting you!” The voice boomed around the two supers and filled the empty room. neither looked up from their standoff.

“Why can’t you just leave well enough alone?!” Spider-Man yelled in his face.

“I know no good when I see it spidey!” Sure it sucked to continuously fight with his hero, but if he could just make him see reason, they could put this away. Tombstone cleared his throat from somewhere behind them, and called out a second time,

“Oooh that’s rich coming from you!” Spidey gestured up and down Wade. And wade bit the inside of his cheek to keep from yelling back.

“What can I say. I’ve been in the business for a long time. Real recognizes real.” Deadpool ground out.

Tombstone’s dress shoes clicked loudly on the tiled floors. The two hadn’t noticed him. Tombstone stood maybe six feet away and still they were too absorbed in their bickering. He shrugged, dusted off his hands and grabbed the closest thing beside him. the iron crate was nearly twice his size and he hurled it directly at the two supers.

Spidey dodged out of the way with a backflip. Maybe more on instinct then anything else. Deadpool had a second to be relieved before he was hit squarely with the crate.

It felt like getting hit by a freight train. He smashed through two layers of wooden junk then landed a yard away. The crate bounced somewhere behind his head then screeched to a halt.

“See what you did!” Above him spidey still tried to get in that last word. Deadpool threw his head back and groaned. He shoved splinters off his lap and rose to his feet. Fatigued, but he ran full speed back towards the battle.

“Me?! He’s your bad guy!” He yelled towards the hero. Above him spidey ducked and weaved around the iron beams. When tombstone threw more obstacles he just dodged those too.

“And if you hadn’t been here to distract me we wouldn’t be in this mess!” Deadpool didn’t reply to that. Instead he unsheathed Bea and Arthur. Let his swords do the talkin for a change. He ducked around the hulking man and slashed below the knee. His swords clanged against a hard calf. Deadpool bounced in rhythm with the blades, teeth rattling.

“This is just my opinion,” Tombstone clasped a single hand around deadpool’s head. “But it Might do you both some good if you tried shutting up for a change.” Then hoisted him two feet off the ground.

Deadpool clutched that hand and kicked his legs, his head was squeezed Harder. The pressure was unbearable, he couldn’t breath. To his relief he was tossed like a rag doll.

he collided mid air with Spiderman, the wind knocked out of them both. They landed in in a mess of debris and limbs.

Deadpool pushed off him and sat back. Spider-Man got up and ran ahead without so much as a thank you. He webbed a large chunk of concrete, spun it around himself thrice then let it go towards tombstone.

{{oh yes thank you Deadpool for blowing our cover and becoming a human projectile.}}

“Haven’t you heard? I physically cannot shut up. Merc with the mouth and all!” Deadpool ran up to tombstone again, he provided cover fire for spidey. The bullets wouldn’t go through his skin. But he’d bet it was annoying, He bet right. Tombstone screamed angrily and swatted them away like flies.

“Yea it’s his real super power.” Spidey deadpanned. He didn’t seem thrilled about the prospect. He webbed onto a loose beam and threw himself into the air. With the momentum he pulled it out of place, flipped, and brought it down onto tombstone.

“Shut up!”

“It’s like We tell ya bud. I wish I could.” Tombstone grabbed that same beam and before he could bring it down on Deadpool like a fly swatter, Deadpool felt a familiar tug on his chest.

The web pulled him a foot away from the impact and just behind tombstone. Deadpool slashed at his ankles. It didn’t hurt much, but got his attention. Old tomby moved to grab his head again, and while he was distracted Spiderman webbed his eyes.

with a guttural scream tombstone swung wildly. Large arcing half circles as he tried to rip the webs covering his eyes with his other hand. Spider-Man landed softly beside deadpool.

“Seems about fair for interrupting, don’t you think?” Spiderman watched tombstone with little regard, then turned back too Deadpool “where were we again?”

Deadpool didn’t want to answer. And he couldn’t. In the next second tombstone’s makeshift broadsword connected with a another pilar.

The sound was deep and reverberating. Like ice breaking on a lake after it got too cold. Deadpool didn’t think when the sound changed. just knew those hundred of windows of glass had broken, that the shifting in the metal around them wasn’t good. Just moved on his own.

He shoved spidey into a cubby the crates had created during the fight, and shielded the entrance.

he blacked out.

Chapter Text

“Jesus Christ Deadpool.” He didn’t register exactly when he came back online. Just remembered being pushed back from the cubby, and turned around a few times.

“What is there something in my teeth?” Deadpool made a show of cleaning them over the mask.

“Yea you could say that.” Spidey answered quietly. Deadpool hummed in response. Tapped on the glass jammed halfway through his head and shrugged. Spidey shuddered and followed behind him as they stepped over and around the building. Large portions of the building had completely fallen in, giving way to the night air.

“Guessing tall dark and handsome’s the one who got away huh?” Distantly Deadpool could hear sirens. This city always had sirens approaching.

“Happens to me a lot actually.” Spiderman admitted. But he wasn’t really paying attention to that. He both stared at the back of deadpool’s head and pointedly would not look at it. Deadpool could feel a cool air just at the nap of his neck, where the glass exited.

“Y’know what they say. Keep casting those fishies back and one day you’ll get something real good.” Deadpool turned around to face the hero, and walked backwards. Still leading the march. Spidey looked uncomfortable.

“Jesus man do you want me too...” Deadpool waited for Spiderman to continue. He just tilted his head away and up so he wouldn’t have to look at the gore. Spidey gestured to it and Deadpool still waited “god like take it out?”

“Heh I’ve been waiting my whole damn life for you to ask me that.” Deadpool muttered under his breath. He opened up the door for spidey to pass through, then gestured like a waiter.

“What?” Spidey went through, but turned to watch Deadpool as he walked.

“What.” Deadpool shut the doors behind them. The frame that was only held together in a few remaining places buckled, but didn’t fall.

Deadpool pulled out a smaller shard of glass with a splourp. Spidey shuddered again. it clattered to the ground. They rounded two more back alley corners then the world lit up like a Christmas tree.

Red and blue danced over every wall in the loading area. Painted it in impossible hues. Police cars filed into the scene, a small crowd gathered.

Off to the left Captin Americano himself spoke to the press. Spidey gave a tired wave. Captin politely nodded, tight lipped and worried.

Deadpool heard him before he saw him. The sonic buzz a dead giveaway that Ironman had landed behind them. Just the man Deadpool wanted to deal with after a long fight.

Deadpool turned, raised both pistols, and Aimed at the hero’s stupid tin can head. That high pitched ring went up on octave and Ironman raised his own hand, bored. The light was blinding. “Hope you brought your dancing shoes tinman.”

[[cause we’re always packing. Our dance shoes… for a gun fight. ya I don’t know about this line Deadpool it doesn’t really work.]]

Spidey was the first to move. Cursing to himself he pushed both of Wade’s guns down, and stepped in front of the two. Before deadpool could protest Spiderman turned to ironman “stand down Casanova his guns are on safety. And They probably couldn’t get through that armour anyway.”

Now he was just being hurtful.

“Sure it couldn’t. But it’s the principle of it all kid.” All the same Ironman lowered his hand. Deadpool stared straight at iron man, and clicked the safety off. They both stared back at him “And maybe it’s him you got to convince. He still looks ready for a fight.” He sounded bored too.

“No come on coach. Tag me in I’m ready!” Deadpool said. Ironman scoffed and Spider-Man fixed them both with a look.

“Take a hike slugger.” Ironman gestured behind him then pulled spidey into a side hussle. Spidey rubbed a hand down his face. “Alright kid what the hell was that? You almost died in there.”

“Key word almost. And if it’s all the same to you mr. stark I’d really just like to get home now.” Spiderman only payed half attention to Ironman. Maybe sensing it, Ironman retracted his mask and got eye level with him.

“No that was sloppy work. I mean look at that mess. And where even is the villain.” He gestured to the rubble.

“Just save it for your speech at the big award ceremony. I’ve got one hell of a headache. I don’t know if you know this but a building did almost fall on me.” Spider-Man shrugged off the arm around his shoulder. Ironman protested, and moved to grab it with his hand.

“Hey the lady says she wants to go home. Leave her alone.” Deadpool stepped in between them. Ironman turned and narrowed his eyes.

“Stay out of this. Its avengers business. And you’re the reason he’s in this mess in the first place.” This time Spiderman really did brush off that hand. He stepped back and levelled Ironman with a firm look.

“No. Mr stark. I think he’s the reason the building didn’t fall on me. So if it’s all the same to you, mr Stark. I will be going home now.” Spiderman walked away, and once he got some distance between them, shot out a web and zipped out of sight.

Deadpool was left face to face with Ironman. He was pissed And looked about ready to take it out on Deadpool. Deadpool gave a little wave, Then he felt a familiar tug and was lifted out of there.

Chapter Text

They landed a few buildings away. he could still see the damaged warehouse, but he didn’t look at it for long. spidey already started walking away. Deadpool followed.

“Sooo were just gonna walk away?” Deadpool asked, kicking up the weird roof pebbles. How did those rocks get all the way up there in the first place.

“Well I’m not going to carry you, if that’s what you mean.” Spidey said tired.

[[Isn’t it like, law that Spider-Man has to web swing us wherever we go?]]

{{Based on his current track record of never doing that?}}

“Ya no no. Thanks for the offer. Definitely wouldn’t have taken you up on that.” Deadpool lied smoothly. He ran a hand over his masked head, and stared at spidey. Who stayed silent as he walked. “I just mean, you didn’t need to bring me along Y’know.”

“Yea starting to regret it.” Deadpool nodded. Then Nodded again to himself. even he could take a hint after a while.

Maybe he was just tired. it wasn’t like this was the first time he’d run into Spiderman and tested this thing between them over the years. And it always ended the same, they’d fight, Deadpool would loose his gusto, and he’d leave. A guy gets sick and tired of constant rejection, soulmates be dammed.

Spidey glanced back, then checked over his shoulder again when he saw Deadpool dragging his feet. His shoulders dropped and he came to a halt.

“No look I’m sorry okay? I’m being an asshole. I didn’t want to leave you behind with Mr Stark, because he can be… intense.” Spiderman sighed and rubbed a hand over the top of his head. Sheepish. “But Im doing the same thing. Probably worse. You just saved my life and I’m being,
an ass.”

[[and a fine one too.]]

Deadpool shrugged it off. he cut off Spiderman before he could apologize again.

“I get it, I’m not good with boundaries, which fucking sucks for people who have boundaries.” Spidey feigned a laugh.

“Yea you don’t strike me as the type” he admitted idly.

“Wear my heart on my sleeve baby boy. Some would say that makes me romantic.” Rejection be danmed the hardest part was this shit. How easy it was to slip back into some nonsense banter and make him laugh.

“I just think it makes you creepy.” Spidey said,

“All the best romance stories are.” Spidey rolled his eyes at That. And deadpoool could tell he held back a snort. Even in the suit he was surprisingly emotive. So when Spiderman got solemn again, Deadpool saw it coming. When he started to apologize Deadpool just held up a hand.

“Yikes seriously stop apologizing. Can’t you just treat me to dinner and we never talk about our feelings again, Like men?”

{{Smooth. But it’s not going to work.}}

“Sounds healthy.” Spiderman grinned. “Pizza?”

[[Check and mate.]]

Spider-Man didn’t shoot out a web. But Deadpool felt a familiar tug.

They walked to the pizza joint. Which was one, a crime, and two hell on his knees.

[[heh]]

Despite deadpool’s best efforts Spiderman apologized a few more times for the lack of transport. Something about low web fluids but honestly wade didn’t pay much attention.

{{perhaps he would apologize less if you didn’t whine like a child every few blocks.}}

[[look all I’m saying is that it is cosmic law we get at least one web ride.]]

Deadpool stuck his pinky into his ear to clean it out.

{{I take it you don’t mean through the city.}}

[[hey I’m not against a little voyerisim ;)]]

Didn’t work. Deadpool opened up the door for spidey. The little bell chimed above them but instead of walking in spidey waved Deadpool ahead.

“Nah I got the door.” Deadpool said easily.

“No no After you I insisit.” He produced a mock bow, but otherwise didn’t budge an inch. Wade smirked.

“Pfft this isn’t my first rodeo kid. I’m fucking Canadian. I’ll hold this door open for you and those lovely ladies behind us now, just on principle.”

“Are you challenging me to a…” Spiderman looked around. Looked at the couple for help they just grinned and took pictures “polietoff?”

“Oof you really are tired” Spiderman made a disgruntled sound. Muttered something about they couldn’t all be winners Then pushed past Wade. He grinned after the hero. True to his word he held the door open for the couple and then followed them in.

“Thank god for pizzerias.” Spiderman sighed.

“Only place open at 4am, and just filled to bursting with crazies.” Wade said, looking over the cramped restaurant. They were boxed in by four green tiled walls. Three White booths were pushed to the side to make room for the industrial sized oven. Bricked and old, and producing a real flame. Most of the tables were filled, with junkies or just regulars, Wade wasn’t sure.

“Ah good we’ll fit right in.” Spidey replied. Deadpool stared at him a second, then turned to the chubby man behind the green and white checkered counter. He ordered a box and some pop and set the money down. The guy glared at him as he made his retreat for the last free booth spidey picked.

Spidey was somewhere between half awake and asleep. Deadpool dropped the pizza down in front of him and he sat up with a start. Acted like he hadn’t been dozing off.

“You’re not crazy.” Deadpool decided, sliding into the booth across from him. Spider-Man stopped mid grab, then recollected himself. He took the pop offered.

“I’m wearing red and blue spider themed spandex. In a pizzeria at three am with that guy.” He deadpanned. He pointed back at a guy clearly plotting a nefarious plan with his pizza box. He had drawn a face on it. Spiderman rolled up his mask to take a swig of his pop.

[[And you fill it out in all the right places.]]

“You have a job to do. And you’re dammed good at it.” Deadpool said, clearing his throat. He tried not to think of any of that, or stare. Spidey blinked at him, shocked. Deadpool popped open his can, and gestured with it as he spoke. “I’m actually crazy. And I’m telling you you’re not crazy.

“I dunno man. I’m just one sandwich short of a picnic.” He said, forcing ease into his tone. Deadpool rolled his eyes. Spider-Man opened the lid and pulled a slice over, a glob of cheese fell onto cheap counter and he scooped that up too.

[[Gross]]

{{I’ve watched you eat out of the trash before.}}

“You just don’t quit huh. What have you got, like an hour sleep this week? I’m sure you got a day job so that’s out.” Spiderman startled again mid bite, finished It and slowly set down his slice. The bell chimed. “Like I said, you’re driving yourself bonkers. But you’re not actually crazy.”

He could tell he had the super cornered. In the way he didn’t answer and wouldn’t meet Deadpool’s visors.

“You’re not eating.” Spiderman offered with a tilt of chin, to the box.

[[We’re losing him doctor! If he sees that ugly mug he’ll bolt for sure!]]

“And you’re deflecting.” To his relief Spiderman looked away, shamed. “But if you wanted more pizza you could of just asked. You freeloader.” The joke was meant to move the conversation away, or at least distract spidey. His smile was unexpected. A half upturn of his lips, dipoles at the corner. it was wiped off his face moments later.

“We got to talk about what happened today.” He decided. Deadpool was the one to look away that time. Couldn’t meet his big white visors or the judgment behind them. “Just, tell me what’s going on. I’m sure I’ll understand.”

“He’s evil.” Spiderman scoffed and levelled Deadpool with a look. “He’s got it in with a drug cartel.”

“He does not.” Spiderman said. before Deadpool could respond with some backhanded comment spidey pressed on. “Seriously what have you got against him. You uh don’t even know the guy.” Spiderman waited for an answer. When Deadpool didn’t give one he sighed, and picked up another slice.

[[how would you know.]]

They ate in silence. At least Spiderman did. He made slow work of another two slices. Deadpool stared at the table and picked at the chipping paint.

{{Very mature. The silent treatment. That’ll show him huh.}}

[[he won’t listen to reason!]]

“Look you can tag along on these patrols. But you can’t bring the people in my life into it.” Spidey stated. Some paint flecks clung to wade’s leather glove, and he tried to pick those off too.

{{Like you’re ever reasonable.}}

Deadpool sighed. Long and slow. Like he needed a minute and that breath would be enough of one.

[[what are you…]]

One strap at a time he unbuckled his gloves then set them gently on the table. Spider-Man watched, chewing quietly.

[[!!!]]

absentmindedly he thought he should of waited till spider-man was done eating. But he didn’t blow chunks. Or gag. Or tell Wade to fuck off. Just a flick of eyes taking in his hands, then back up to the mask.

{{You’re making a huge mistake. But what else should I expect.}}

“Happy?” Deadpool snapped. Hands in fists on top of the table, turned towards the ceiling. It took actual force to keep them upright, and to stop his hands from sweating.

[[or shaking.]]

The writing was harder to make out on his skin then normal people. pockets and scars distorting the already hard to read handwriting.

But when Spiderman actually looked, instead of just a flick there and back again he stilled. In familiar handwriting we’re the names

Peter Parker

And Spiderman.

In a swift motion he stood, eyes glued on the names. Just as swiftly Deadpool drew back his wrists, replaced his gloves, and crossed his arms.

[[well now you’ve gone and scared the guy!]]

Spider-Man might of excused himself. He might not have. It was hard to tell. In one second he was standing above Deadpool, jaw locked and gobsmacked. In the next he was out the door.

{{For good too. You showed him your disgusting ass skin. You confessed your disgusting feelings. What did you think was going to happen?}}

Deadpool didn’t answer, didn’t know. His foot bounced until the squeaking drove him crazy, and then just as swiftly he stood up. Left the pizzeria behind him.

{{I told you. Over and over again. You were too self absorbed and stupid to listen.}}

Chapter Text

Deadpool closed himself off in his apartment. Only leaving the confines of his room to piss or grab the takeout. A week into his stakeout he got his first message from Spiderman. He panicked and tossed his phone into the abyss of his apartment.

He couldn’t open it.

When he mustered up the courage a week later he had a few new notifications from spidey. And one missed call from Wes. He checked that first.

“What do you want now Wade?” Weasel complained on the other line.

“Hey you called me first!”

After some coaxing Deadpool agreed to meet Weasel. three steps out of his apartment he regretted the decision.

The sidewalks were packed, He could barely squeeze into the crowds. but no one pushed or shoved, and the trademark rudeness of new York was no where to be found. Pedestrians laughed, cabbers were painfully nice, people were helpful to tourists.

[[Is there a con in town?]]

“Worse.” Deadpool said gravely. Someone bumped into him and apologized. Told him to have a great day. Thanked him for what he’s doing. “It’s the tony awards.”

“I shut myself in for five minutes and it’s pandemonium Wes!” Deadpool ranted. His response was a disengaged ‘uhuh.’ As Weasel tapped away at his screen. “Five fucking years they’ve been pulling this shit. Like I’m the biggest fan of Cap, and Spidey, and the iron giant. But this! It just seems like such a…”

{{sellout? Cash grab? Pandering?}}

Deadpool agreed, and Weasel made some sort of noise. He’d been that way since they met up a block ago. Deadpool tried to look over his shoulder but couldn’t get a clear view. He rolled his eyes and snatched the phone away, Weasel protested semi enthusiastically.

“You’re voting? Seriously?” He held out the phone so Weasel could take it back.

“Copycat’s in the roster, and every vote counts.” Weasel droned, then submitted his vote. Deadpool didn’t respond.

Confetti littered the streets, and banners with different hero’s faces hung overhead. The sun beamed down on NYC happy and warm, and hell on all the cosplayers. Deadpool passed his fifth cardboard and tinfoil Ironman.

He pushed his way towards a food truck. Leaving Weasel behind at the newspaper stand. He stole a pair of hotdogs from one of the billion chip trucks lined up on the street. They’d been too swamped to notice.

{{Bold move with all the extra suits around.}}

“So you going to the thing?” Weasel asked absently, took a bite of his food. Deadpool shook his head. Then He shoved the entire hotdog into his mouth, under the mask.

[[You’re making this too easy.]]

Weasel stared at him in horror. Deadpool may have Expected it, but he didn’t have to like it. “Was n’ nvited.”

“Well you’re not missing much. It’s been stark two years now, he was unpopular when it started, but he went through this whole re-branding thing since ultron.” Weasel droned. Deadpool stared at him like he was crazy, Weasel just shrugged. “What, I have it on at the bar every year, it’s the one night we’re busy.”

Deadpool would of complained, but his phone pinged instead. Shutting him up instantly and freezing him on the spot.

“You gonna get that?” Weasel asked. When Deadpool didn’t respond he took the phone and checked for himself. He whistled low and appreciative.

{{We really need to change the password.}}

[[it’s payback for steeling his.]]

“Jesus Wade this babyboy texted you half a month.” Weasel held the phone out for Deadpool to grab.“Way to ghost em.”

“They’re from Spiderman. It’s not like that.” He reached and snagged his phone back. Weasel gave him a disbelieving look. “I’m serious.”

Weasel didn’t believe it. He scanned over the first texts. An apology, a few missed patrols. Asking if Deadpool had died in a hole somewhere. Deadpool stared at the text from today and his blood went cold. It was too soon.

Today,
Is that you DP? Or just a bad Spiderman cosplayer.

Weasel spotted him first. nodded his head towards the suit and Deadpool followed the motion.

“Hey you’re cosplay’s not so bad yourself.” Weasel called. Spider-Man looked down and laughed

“Thanks. It’s the real deal.” Spiderman said, and sent out a web into the sky to prove his point.

“And here I thought you found a freaky guy in a costume.” Weasel muttered under his breath to Deadpool. Wade jabbed him in the ribs.

{{This is going to end in disaster.}}

“Told you I was serious. What can I do you for Spiderman?” He asked. forcing ease into his tone. If he caught the double entendre he didn’t show it.

[[I would pay literally anything.]]

“It’s more what can I do for you. Got a plus one to some stuffy work party. Know anyone who’d want to go?” Spiderman said nonchalantly. He closed the remaining distance and stood in front of the two conmen. Arms crossed.

[[Holy… shit]]

“Me. I would.” Weasel put his hand up like he was back in high school. Spider-Man squinted at him, then his visors widened. The box protested loud and colourfully, but Deadpool swatted it away.

“Ja-ust a second. I don’t even know you or anything.” Spiderman stated nervously.

“Oh believe me if you’d vouch for Deadpool I’m a way safer bet.” Weasel lowered his hand with an easy grin. He hopped off the newspaper bin they were using as benches. tossed his bun bits into the trash beside them. “But I get it, it’s a suits only shindig. I’ll just be leaving since I’m not a member of your little club.” Weasel walked away, waving over his shoulder before Deadpool could stop him.

[[I can’t believe he ditched.]]

The hero didn’t have a response to that, so he watched Weasel disappear into the crowd. Deadpool was the to first to clear that silence with a cough.

“Anyways, what are you doing here Spiderman.” He asked. hated the small talk, but it was better that then the panic he bit down.

{{Probably to run us out of his city again.}}

“Oh y’know, blending in with the crowd, keeping a low profile, don’t tell anyone I’m here kay.” Spiderman replied. He watched Weasel even after he was indistinguishable from the crowd. “So, uh what’s his occupation, deal, how does he know you?”

“Arms dealer, Bartender. I don’t know he’s always kinda sucked. We go way back in the mercenary biz.” Wade said, tired. He could tell the news surprised spidey.

“Seriously, Him?” Spiderman sounded disappointed almost sad. He caught himself and recovered quickly. “He didn’t strike me as the type.”

[[Why are you sabotaging thisss..]]

“We come in all shapes and sizes.” Deadpool was annoyed. He caught himself, but didn’t recover as quickly. Spiderman didn’t call him out on it.

“Look I’ve been wanting to talk to you.” Spiderman said instead.

[[oh that’s never good.]]

Deadpool crossed his arms over his chest and wouldn’t meet Spider-Man’s visors. The hero didn’t say anything at first. Just stood awkwardly shifting his weight from foot to foot. 

“Deadpool I heard about what you did, for that kid.” Spiderman scrunched up his face and seemed to choose his next words carefully. “I mean I suppose I heard about what you did earlier, I just didn’t realize how much it meant.” 

Spiderman shook his head. 

{{took it for granted you mean.}}

“well I did! It’s just by the time I… processed it I tried to get a hold of you and you wouldn’t answer.” Deadpool had no idea where Spiderman was going with this whole shpeal. 

but frankly he was tired of being berated. Rejected. The whole shebang.

”I think we’re all entitled to our privacy.” Deadpool said. And Spiderman blinked. Seemed to back peddle. 

“no of course you are. I didn’t mean-” He sighed and rubbed a hand across the back of his neck. “What I mean is, you did good Deadpool.”

Deadpool startled. He’d been ready for anything except that. He felt a lump in the pit of his stomach. He stared at his hero. 

Spiderman wouldn’t meet his eyes. He almost seemed ashamed.

“right.” Deadpool said, even more unsure of himself. He may have preferred to be berated, at least that would have made sense. “Uh.. yeah thank you, thanks. But I’ve got to… go?”

”oh. Yeah.” Spiderman looked up from his little guilt trip. Deadpool edged away from the conversation.

“yeah.” Deadpool started. “well uh, you know how it is, got places to go, things to destroy, stuff to steal.” Spider-Man side stepped out of his way.

“of course. Y’know that offer, it still stands.” He said, retreated backwards. Deadpool made a noise of acknowledgment, it was better then nothing. “Think I’ll be seeing you around?”

“With my track record? Who knows.” Deadpool walked backwards. Soon he’d reach the crowd. Spiderman watched him and made no move to stop the mercenary. 

and for the first time Deadpool wasn’t the one to watch his hero leave.

Chapter Text

Today 10:50 PM
Shit it’s dead tonight. Folks are normally here by now to watch the awards.

Wade grabbed a fancy drink from a waiter passing by. Okay not a waiter, The guest snapped at him and moved on.

It was the second time Wade had snuck into the Avengers’ tower. Wade had brushed past the shoddy guards with ease.

[[So nice of stark to break out the red carpet for us.]]

“Yea I really feel at home.” Wade was in the middle of a super suit Padgett. He hadn't seen this many masks since, well since ever. The one time he could have blended in a crowd in his costume, and he couldn’t even wear it. Deadpool wasn't invited to the tony awards, Deadpool was banned from stark towers, Deadpool had turned down his one in the joint, then still had the audacity to show up.

[[Kinda fucked up how we have an Avengers awards show. Like they don't get enough of a pat on the back?]]

Wade agreed. He made sure his mask was neatly in place. It and the gloves were the only pieces that peeked through on from his trademark suit. Hopefully it be less noticeable in this crowd. he adjusted his monkey suit for the fifth time since Tony had got up on stage.

[[That can be anywhere upwards of an hour. He likes the sound of his own voice, almost as much as you do!]]

The phone in his pocket dinged. Deadpool fumbled with the unfamiliar suit and quickly checked his messages

Today 10:55 PM
I should of taken Spiderman up on his offer.

You did right? You better be there man.

He rolled his eyes and pocketed the phone again. Deadpool looked up from the fabric denting under his leather gloves. He scanned the room again, simultaneously hoping he would and wouldn’t see a certain superhero. He wasn’t sure which side won in the end.

Pushing his way past drunken partiers was not Wade’s forte. There was a certain gracefulness to it that Wade didn’t possess, and more often then not he tripped over them. Curse Asgardians and their concentrated ethanol. They should keep it in their world! New York just wasn't ready for that kind of responsibility.

[[Well someone’s a party pooper.]]

He glanced around but he couldn't see much through the sea of bodies. Hell Deadpool wasn't even sure which way he came from anymore. Either from some interference by the gods, or sheer dumb luck; Wade found the front stage. Miraculously Stark was still yaking.

“And listen, when I say there's no one Who id rather have my back—“

Boy could Stark talk. Wade would give him a run for his billions, but tony may have him beat. He was gesturing calmly to the dozen or so Avengers on stage with him. Their expressions ranged from Widow’s stone cold ‘fuck off’ all the way to Thor’s good natured smile.

[[boy do they crawl far up their niche]]

{{They’ll never hear the sweet call of character development again.}}

“I'd bet your bottom dollar mr. Stark’s gonna win it.”

“Yea third time in a row’s the charm. These things are so rigged but I think Cap’s got a real chaaan—yeesh!” Deadpool jumped back and clutched his heart. “Do You gotta sneak up on a man like that?”

“Y’know how I love to drop in unannounced. But I can walk away and start again.” Spider-Man deadpanned, facing the stage. A spiderman who had not been there a minute ago. Before Deadpool could respond the crowd around them erupted in a cheer.

[[hate to see you go but id love to watch you leave.]]

It was almost slow motion in that way cheers always were. The crowd rose up on their tippy toes around the two supers, His ears popped, and Deadpool shoved a gloved finger into one to fix it. It just made it worse.

“I never even agreed to this bet. Is this how you do things in New York? This towns gone to the dogs.” Deadpool sighed. Spiderman snorted. Tentative but tangible. “Why’s it gotta be my dollar anyway?”

[[right? It’s kinda lose lose. If he wins he gets it if we win we don’t get nothing?]]

The crowd came down all at once, the screaming stopped. Stark had won by popular vote, Steve had come close. Deadpool fished in his pocket for some spare change. And when he produced ninety-five cents and an old gum ball spidey laughed, held out his hand, and accepted his winnings. “Because the bets are rigged. And I’m broke.” Spiderman said.

He gestured his head towards the exit. without waiting to see if Deadpool followed, He moved through the crowd with ease, and was gone.

[[like I said.]]

Chapter Text

Deadpool joined him out on the helicopter pad. It had been turned into a second eating area with white clothed tables, outdoor lights, and a second buffet table. Deadpool dragged his feet.

[[so which do you think it is this time?]]

Spidey hung his legs over the rail of the balcony. He chatted up with a few costumes idly.

[[Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde?]]

Deadpool maneuvered through the tables towards the small group. Someone turned their head, caught sight of Deadpool then politely excused themselves. Two others immediately followed suit. By then Spidey looked around, and subtly took a sniff of himself. Deadpool almost wanted to laugh.

He pushed away the panic turning in his stomach. Tried not to think of how things had gone last they met. Deadpool leaned on the railing beside the web-slinger.

“Deadpool, I didn't know Tony invited you,” Dr. Banner said, all polite small talk. He was the only one to stick around. And had used that genius brain of his to see right through deadpool’s disguise.

{{Yea that’s it.}}

"No, yea he didn't. I'm crashing the party.” He said, and stole a biscuit off of some pass Byers plate. Spidey clucked undignified and shielded his plate away subconsciously.

“I wouldn’t go around telling people that, but okay.” Banner said casually. Deadpool pursed his lips and took in the avenger calculatingly.

“Wanna help me? I bet you really know how to crash a party.” Wade asked, feigning innocence. Banner paled, or greened really. Then shook his head. Spidey flicked a biscuit at Wade's head, it bounced onto the ground.

{{He’s not hulking out. He just looks peeved.}}

“don't be an ass.” Spider-man warned, Banner shifted from foot to foot uncomfortably. Deadpool recollected the cookie.

[[But it’s such a fine ass!]]

“Oh, please don't, there's more—allllright.” Wade stared dead ahead at Banner as he bit into the cookie over his mask. Mushed it between the fabric muppetesque. He didn’t need to see Spiderman, his eye roll was audible.

Banner went green in the face, for an entirely different reason. He turned to Spiderman, said a quick goodbye, and left the two suits alone.

“Okay, scoot your boot.” Wade shooed Spidey over with a wave of his fingers, and hoisted himself up beside him. He swung so far to the right of pretending nothing was awkward that he could of fooled himself. Spider-Man just chewed disapprovingly as he watched Banner disappear into the crowd.

[[How does one chew disapprovingly.]]

{{We find all sorts of new ways to disappoint people.}}

Deadpool wiped off the stray crumbs left on his mask. They speared into it as he tried to rub them away, and all over his gloves.

“God you're a such a mess.” Spidey noted, a hint of a smile in his tone.

[[hey that's my line.]]

“that's... that's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.” Wade cooed, clutching his heart and leaning back. It was all a ruse. Wade made a grab for Spider-Man's plate with the other hand. it got was a quick swat for his efforts.

“Now who’s the free loader. Go get your own.” Spidey chided.

“Oh c’mon! What if they card me or something. You’re the one who invited me to this mess in the first place.” Wade complained. Then as mentally cursed himself when spidey got solemn.

“Hey you didn’t take it. You’re here on your own agenda.” Spidey pushed his fork around the plate. The scrapping was annoying. His tone was flat and it was worse

“And you’re only here for the free food.” Deadpool pushed a smile over his features and ease into his words, spideys mouth pressed in a hard line. Deadpool hadn’t noticed before, but Spiderman smiled a lot. The absence of it was jarring and made His palms sweat.

[[oh god can he tell? Are we sweating through the suit? Our beautiful expensive suit?!]]

{{Is that the most important thing right now?}}

[[Maybe? I don’t know!]]

“So I haven't seen much of you in the last few weeks.” Spidey admitted quietly. Wade had almost missed it with all the activity buzzing around his head.

“Ha! Aw Spidey did you miss this ugly mug?!” Spidey fixed him with a hard stare, that Wade had to stop himself from leaning back from. Spider-Man got down from the ledge, empty plate in tow.

“Why are you avoiding me now?”

“Why’d you skip out of the pizza joint?” Deadpool retorted. He hadn’t meant to sound so harsh, he hadn’t meant to bring it up. It wasn’t even an accusation because he was used to it and he expected Spiderman to reject him. Spider-Man breathed out, and blinked his eyes shut. The next minute was interrupted.

“Wilson! Funny seeing you in my tower, I could have sworn I kicked you out.” Stark called. He was framed by partiers, he passed by them with a sort of pompous grace. Wade almost appreciated the interruption.

“You did, I didn't listen.” Wade called back. A mean grin overtook him when Stark went red in the face. Fuel for his hate fire. “But that's your fault really; you said don't, so I did. And if you didn’t want me to break in make breaking in hard! I swept right past your guards.” Deadpool boasted.

Beside him Spidey pinched the bridge of his nose. Without realizing it he had met stark halfway, and stood toe to toe with the Avenger.

[[Then it’ll just be worth it.]

“That's okay Mr. Stark, he’s with me.” Spidey held up a hand between them, and budged his way in after it. Shielding Deadpool from Stark’s glare. “I’ll keep him out of trouble.”

[[and restricted areas ;)]]

“He’s not welcome. There’s no telling what kind of damage he’s here to do.” Tony insisted.

“Fine fine. I made my debut anyway we’ll get going.” Spiderman sighed, he went to leave. Ironman stopped him.

“I’m sure he can see himself out.” The two hero’s talked over Deadpool. Acted like he wasn’t even here, it made his blood boil. “Since he’s already taken out my men.”

[[These aren’t even fun anymore.]]

“Oh can it. There was five guys stationed. I get it’s a super pageant and you don’t think you need it but that’s not exactly a full payroll.” Ironman raised both brows skeptically. And before Deadpool could wipe that look off his stupid face Spiderman intervened. A hand around deadpool’s arm to pull him away.

“It’s fine, C’mon DP. We gotta keep that air of mystery. Keep the fans wanting more.” Despite himself Deadpool let himself be dragged away. Ironman followed them through the doorway.

“Jesus Kid. When I told you to watch the guy I didn’t mean like this.” Both of them stilled, Spiderman turned to Deadpool first, then Ironman. “And there are a ninety armed men here tonight.”

Ironman directed the snide mark towards Deadpool. But he didn’t care. Spider-Man said something to him, but he didn’t hear it. Just nodded to himself. Let the reality of the situation sink in. And nodded again.

{{I told you. But you never listen. He’s Babysitting you.}}

“Y’know baby boy. This makes a heck of a lot more sense.” He interrupted. His tone even and smooth despite himself. He hadn’t expected to feel so calm. Distantly he could tell he spoke over Stark. “Cause we always fight and I always wondered why you still let me hang around.”

[[No wait. He laughs, we make him smile, it can’t all be a lie?]]

“Hey it’s not like that.” Deadpool held up a hand to interrupt him too.

{{Did you actually think he wanted anything to do with you?}}

“You always seemed to hate my guts. But I told myself that maybe, some small part of you didn’t.” Spider-Man kept trying to respond but Deadpool talked over him. Switched their rolls for once. Maybe he should of listened to his gut.

{{I could of saved us a lot of trouble.}}

“No I get it. It’s fine.”

For as long as he could remember Deadpool believed in soulmates. Had believed not everyone deserved them. That people sucked, and even with it narrowed down to two names people could mess everything up. He more than most.

So he expected it. No matter how many times he got himself caught up in the possibility he always expected the outcome. He just didn’t think it would feel like his whole world was shaking.

Spider-Man had been the first to react. To web himself towards the danger before it started. Deadpool came back to his surroundings as the bomb went off. Family members of different hero’s screamed as they ran for cover. The walls cracked up towards the ceiling, chunks broke out and fell to the floor.

Everything moved in slow motion, like bombs always did. In a second all that Hero’s around him squared off against villains of every shape and size. Mismatched in prowess and familiarity. It was complete chaos.

His arm was seized in an iron grip. Deadpool whipped around to Tony. Now suited up in his trademark red and gold, Only his face visible. Almost as red and substantially more angry.

“What the hell did you do?!” Ironman yelled, Deadpool opened his mouth to defend himself. But the building above them suffered another explosion, and threatened to give above them. Deadpool yanked his arm free while Ironman was distracted. When he caught the rubble mid air Deadpool ran.

[[We weren’t invited to either party!]]

He maneuvered through the rubble and battles. arrows, elemental energy, weapons, magic, and beams were fired back and forth. Deadpool searched for one thing in the fight. Spider-Man’s webs, or the familiar thwip sound. He tripped over something else entirely, it made a pitiful noise.

{{Leave him.}}

“Fuck sakes Bob is that you?!” The hydra employee groaned in response. His leg was jammed under a large slab of ceiling. Deadpool groaned too. “What the hell are you doing here?!”

“My mission.” Deadpool grabbed onto his shoulders and pulled, hard. Bob yelled as he was Yanked free. Deadpool put bob’s arm over his shoulders to support his weight. “Infiltrate stark towers, destroy the building.”

[[That’s a suicide mission.]]

“Alright buddy I’m going to get you out of here.” Deadpool searched for an exit in all the chaos. Almost completely supporting bob he ran for the door. Someone shot an arrow in his calf and he stumbled. “Whoever threw that’s dead!”

[[I used to be an adventurer like you. Until I took an arrow to the knee.]]

Deadpool limped in a semi circle to face his attacker. Barton knocked another arrow and aimed for his head.

“Awe for fucksake.” Deadpool let go of Bob and he dropped to the ground like a bag of rocks. He whined and held onto his leg. Deadpool lifted his mask and put up his hands in surrender. “Turn off you’re friendly fire dipshit. I’m on your team.”

“Doesn’t look like it from here.” Barton smirked. He lowered his bow but didn’t put away his arrow. Still armed and dangerous, and he wanted Deadpool to know it. Deadpool racked his brain for whatever ASL he still remembered. It had more middle fingers thrown in then usual.

“Thought you were deaf not blind and dumb. The guy can’t hurt anything but himself. if I leave him in here he’ll trip and land on someone’s bullet.” Both Bob and daredevil called out defensively at the same time. Deadpool groaned again, Dare devil hadn’t even been there a moment ago. He had just picked the wrong moment to listen into the conversation. “Have any of you guys seen spidey?”

Daredevil gave him one long look, before he turned and right hooked a random bad guy. He didn’t stick around after that, and he also didn’t answer his question.

{{You’re pathetic. He was forced to watch you, and you’re looking for him?}}

[[You sick fuck you get off to this rejection don’t you.]]

“Yea, last I saw him he was evacuating family and friends out the back.” Barton laughed. He turned back into the fray of the battle. Deadpool grabbed Bob and slung him over his shoulder.

There was less concentrated testosterone the further he got away from the party room. Here the halls were mostly empty. Only A few bad guys and guards were knocked out and left where they fell.

“Go on without me. I’ll just slow you down.” Bob offered pitifully. His head hit Deadpool’s shoulder with each step.

“Yea, don’t have to tell me twice.” Deadpool rounded another corner down the corridors. He skidded to halt in a smaller room. Across from him the window was smashed out and all around it was webbed. “Maybe I will just leave you here.”

“You’re… you’re supposed to disagree.” Deadpool walked them to the window until they could feel the wind hit their bodies. Deadpool pulled him forward into a fireman style hold. Looked deep into Bob’s eyes, as they widened in fear. “Deadpool…?”

Deadpool let go. Bob screamed as he fell the few feet. He abruptly stopped when he was caught by the web. It bent under his weight and he slid the long way down. Deadpool jumped in the tube like webbing after him.

[[this would be fun if I didn’t feel like such shit.]]

They met up again at the bottom, on a low roof a ways away from Avengers tower. Hero’s partners and kids huddled in different circles. There was a buzzing energy around. Both frantic and excited at the same time. The top of the tower lit up like a Christmas tree, as different supers flew and shot around it.

“I knew you’d never really let me fall.” Bob said shakily. More to convince himself then Deadpool. Wade stood and pulled Bob to his feet with him. He scanned the crowd for familiar red.

[[Yea we totally saw that web.]]

“No I would have. The web got in my way.” He was no where in sight. Deadpool turned back to the avengers building, leaned over the ledge to get a closer look. “Happy coincidence for you huh?”

Bob whined behind him.

A large chunk had been blown out of the building near the ground floor. Little police men worked quickly to put up tape, and separate the curious citizens. Deadpool eyed the fire escape.

[[my oldest nemesis.]]

{{Why won’t you just give it up?}}

Chapter Text

The police man hadn’t been much help. They hadn’t known where spidey was, and when Deadpool tried to enter the building they tried to stop him. He twisted one guy’s arm behind his back and flipped him. Distracted with their partner Deadpool ran past.

{{What do you hope to accomplish here?}}

He ran through the front entrance. Deadpool had only gotten this far twice. And neither was from walking through the front doors. He didn’t stop to sight see. He ran past the evacuated waiting room, the front desk and to the elevators. Followed the breadcrumbs of destruction and hoped he’d find Spiderman on the other side. He pressed the button to no response, The doors were jammed.

[[I dunno but I can tell you how I think it’ll go.]]

“Save it for the after credits scene.” He jammed his katana between the silver doors and used it to pry them open. His sword bent, and threatened to break but he made a space big enough to crawl through.

[[Deadpool! Why are you still here? I told you to get lost!]]

“Fuck off.” He grabbed onto the side paneling and climbed the four floors down. He passed by the mock Spiderman font his box sent up. It was almost harder going down then up. And had him sweating through his new suit.

[[You had something to do with the explosion didn’t you! And I was starting to trust you not really but I’ll say it cause you’ll believe me!]]

“I don’t care what he thinks of me! If he’s in trouble I’m going to help!” He panted. Deadpool could see the elevator below him. Short on time he let go and landed hard on the top. Pain shot up his legs. The cart buckled under his weight, and the already damaged cables gave. They hit the basement floor sending Deadpool on his ass.

It wasn’t a far drop.

He kicked out the emergency exit, his leg screamed in protest. through the blown out elevator doors. Something big had crashed through them and crushed them against the wall. Deadpool followed the dents in the iron walls, and they lead him to a spacious lab.

Everything was on fire but he didn’t have time to scan the area. He wasn’t halfway through the doorway, when Spiderman was thrown into the wall beside him. An audible crack filled the room, Deadpool could only stare.

[[That’s going to hurt in the morning.]]

Spider-Man groaned. And it was the best fucking sound he had ever heard. Deadpool and seen people not get up after less.

“I was wondering when you’d show up.” Spiderman rasped. He leaned onto his elbows and moved his mask to spit out blood. Deadpool crouched beside him before he realized he moved.

“You look like shit baby boy.” Deadpool said, he pulled the hero up to his feet. Offered him a shoulder to lean on.

“You’re not so bad yourself.” Smoke filled the room pale, grey, and thick. Dress shoes clicked slowly on tile flooring from the other side of the smoke. The hulking form emerged slowly, the smoke billowed ominously around Tombstone.

“So. We meet again.” His voice boomed and filled the room like the smoke around him. He stalked towards the two like they were prey. Deadpool tried to choke it down, but couldn’t help the laugh.

“Seriously? We meet again, Is that all you got?” Deadpool squinted in confusion. Tombstone’s face was gobsmacked, he stopped in his tracks. Beside him Spider-Man snickered under his breath. “And weren’t you like just fighting spidey?”

[[Like you’re one to talk.]]

“Yea he cycles through,” Spiderman said composing himself quickly. He stood to his full height.

“Shut up!” Tombstone screamed.

“You weren’t kidding, we’re back to this again!” His scream was more beast then man. His face red and squished, spittle flew from his open mouth. Tombstone ran to close the remaining distance, both suits slipped into a fighting stance.

Deadpool rolled out of the way first. spidey lowered his centre of gravity and prepared himself. In the last possible second he jumped, and used tombstone’s head to backflip behind the villain. Tombstone collided with the iron wall head first. like a bull being lured into a pen, he yelled in rage.

“Whoa, someone needs a chill pill.” Spiderman aimed two webs into his eyes. Tombstone shielded his face with his arm. The two go toe to toe.

“Spidey! you know he can’t mix pills and steroids!” Deadpool called. Instinctively tombstone turned towards the voice. He’d forgotten deadpool’s existence up until that point.

[[You and your big mouth.]]

Before Deadpool could react tombstone ran forward. He didn’t have any of Spider-Man’s grace, or reflexes. Deadpool was hooked around the waist and rammed backwards through three desks. Then slammed onto the floor in a pile of limbs and broken desk parts.

[[Maybe you can use it for good instead of evil for once.]]

“You two have been nothing but pests.” From high Above him tombstone stepped down on his throat, Deadpool whined and tried to pry that foot off with his fingers. But his hands wouldn’t work right, couldn’t quite reach. He only saw spidey because he was looking up, tombstone only missed him because his attention was on Deadpool. “Maybe it’s time I squashed you like one.”

“Wrong… suit.” He gasped. Spider-Man collided with tombstone feet first. Used all his weight and all the inertia of his swing to send tombstone on his ass. Above deadpool the smoke collected in thicker clouds that burned his lungs when he finally could breathe in. He coughed and one of his broken ribs scratched his innards. Deadpool didn’t bring himself up to his feet right away. He just needed a quick power nap, let spidey take care of the big guy for a bit.

Deadpool heard the two fighting throughout the lab. Then the fighting stopped and Spiderman was perched beside him in a moments repose. He shook him.

“Hey You alive DP?” Spiderman asked pointlessly. Deadpool sat up and let Spiderman help him to his feet. Tombstone was webbed to the wall but that wouldn’t last long. The webs stretched as he tried to pull free.

“Yea just asleep on the job. Y’know me.” All at once the binding snapped. He grabbed the desk immediately to his right and threw it towards the the supers. They both dodged cleanly, when tombstone ran for them again Spiderman webbed Deadpool out of the way.

[[We can dodge it ourselves.]]

{{Then prove it.}}

“Stark wasn’t lying!” Spiderman said from the ceiling. He shot out several webs and twisted away from tombstone. The metal hunk hit the wall where he had been a second later. Deadpool ran into the fray, his katanas did nothing against tombstone’s thick skin.

[[and thick skull!]]

“Yea I didn’t think he was,” Deadpool muttered under his breath. He knew Spiderman heard him. Annoyed, Tombstone swatted him away like a bug. Deadpool was thrown back several feet and landed hard.

[[heh! Wrong again.]]

“Do we have to do this now?” Deadpool yelled back. He ran before he was even standing. Clumsy and quick. He put all his weight behind the blade and sliced through tombstone’s forearm. It wasn’t deep, barely enough to draw blood, but tombstone yelled out in surprise. On the next swing his katanas were gripped in a large pale hand, and he was flung into a corner.

“I was on… babysitting duty!” Spiderman said between swings. It stung, but Deadpool shook it off, he could take it out on the crime boss if he really needed too. And he did, so he got back up and swung at that same slash.

“Funny that’s what I was calling it too!” Spiderman darted in between Deadpool and tombstone. While Deadpool kept him busy Spiderman webbed up that arm to his body.

“And it was just a mission. And I was just doing my job!” Tombstone smashed his other arm down onto Spider-Man. He was gone before that fist hit the ground. he webbed it firmly in place. “But that doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy it!”

“You’d say something stupid just to make me laugh. joking back with you was easy.” Spiderman grunted out and continued to web up the villain. Tombstone tried to free himselfwhile the two supers were distracted, but Spiderman didn’t let up. Deadpool provided cover fire for spidey, and stepped behind his hulking form. “It was my idea to make you tag along for patrol. Cause I genuinely believe you could do some good.”

[[Barbossa, marry us!]]

“Save your sales pitch for someone who’s buying it.” Deadpool kicked tombstone forward so his knees touched the concrete. Spider-Man webbed up his legs from his spot against the ceiling. He was perched there comfortably, now that the villain was almost completely subdued.

“I still believe that!” Spiderman called. Deadpool brought his pistol down hard on the back of his head. Tombstone craned his neck as far as possible to glare at his attacker. Deadpool pistol whipped him again and he went down. Unconscious and unmoving. He was almost sweet when he slept. A moment later Spiderman landed softly beside them.

“What… what the hell are you getting at spidey?” Deadpool asked. Unsure and afraid of the answer. Spider-Man paused.

{{Don’t fall for this again.}}

“That you don’t have to believe me. But I am sorry. And I’d like the chance to make things right.” He said more to himself. Deadpool swallowed but didn’t interrupt. Too afraid to break the delusion. “So can we start over? No ulterior motives. No avengers business. Just two spandex enthusiasts meeting up to stop crime.”

{{How many times is he going to string you along?}}

“Some asshole once told me everyone deserves a second chance.” Deadpool said, staring down at the crime boss. Not yet ready to face the hero.

“Well That’s up to you. Not some asshole with a superiority complex.” Spider-Man said surprised at himself.

“I thought it was a guilt complex.” Deadpool asked, half turned towards spidey.

“It can be both.”

[[both is good.]]

“You said it, not me.” Deadpool shook away his own stupor. Then he stuck out his hand. Spider-Man hesitated at first. “Wade Winston Wilson at your service.”

Spiderman finally took that hand in a firm handshake.

{{How many times are you going to fall for it.}}

“Pleasure to meet you. Again. I already knew your name… you’ve introduced yourself like every time you’ve come to New York.” Spiderman trailed off, shaking his hand the whole time. He laughed despite himself and the situation. And let go of Wade’s hand altogether too soon.

“Pleasures all mine baby boy. Again.” He could still feel the warmth of that hand.

[[Im never washing this hand again~]]

{{You’re a fool.}}

Chapter Text

They left tombstone behind, his yelling muffled by the webs. He struggled as they walked out of the lab. Stark’s sprinkler system took care of the fires, and police rushed in to take care of tombstone. They walked against the flow of traffic out towards a street bathed in blue and red.

Directly to the side the public swarmed the tower, reporters hovered like flies to a corpse. To the other side friends and family waited for their respective hero’s to come and get them.

“Spidey, Spidey! Over here.” Some no name all but broke through the police barrier. Spidey slowed to a stop. “Got a moment to answer a few questions?”

“I think he means you.” He leaned towards Wade’s shoulder to whisper. Then he straightened up and walked over, Wade followed suit. “Sure! I always make time for my adoring fans!”

“Spiderman! We’ve gathered from several notable sources that you left the crime early?” The reported shoved the mic to his face. Spidey stayed calm. But Wade rolled his eyes.

“Was your notable sources from the families he saved over there?” Deadpool cantered his head towards the super’s families. And the reporter startled as if they hadn’t seen him. Or hadn’t cared.

[[100% stealth]]

“…I don’t think you’ve introduced yourself! What part did you have in all this?” He recovered smoothly. Deadpool looked to spidey first, surprised to have been asked anything. Spidey just shrugged, and encouraged Deadpool to go on. He uncrossed his arms and grabbed the mic.

“Deadpool, merc with the mouth. I’m sure you’ve heard of me from when I changed the space time continuum.” He boasted then dropped the mic. The reporter snapped out of his stupor and grabbed it before it hit the ground. He fumbled but righted himself quickly.

“I’m sure I haven’t! Spider-Man is this why you left the villain attack? To chase after this Deadpool?” He recovered again. Getting on Deadpool’s nerves. He leaned back into the mic, shielding Spiderman from the cameras. By then Spiderman realized his mistake and tried to lead him away from the crowd. Muttering apologies.

{{0% stealth.}}

[[Our client will be taking no more questions at this time.]]

“We’re partners in crime.” Deadpool said. He tried to rustle the mic out of his hands, as Spider-Man tried to rustle him away. “Busting crime. And He saved a ton of people in there tonight so don’t edit this for your broadcast to make it look like I started the attack.”

Spider-Man dropped Wade’s arm, and Dropped his face in that hand. Deadpool looked between him and the reporter.

A rooftop away Spiderman ate his buffet takeout from a doggy bag, Deadpool held his in his lap. He stared at the news article on his screen. It had been an hour. And the article was ready. Fucking vultures.

‘Spiderman and Deadpool partners in crime.’ Deadpool read over the title, embarrassment reddened his face.

{{Don’t forget the quote from yours truly.}}

[[Twas I! Who started the bomb.]]

“Listen spidey. I’m-“ Wade was interrupted by a hand held up. Spidey swallowed his bite, choking a bit on the unchewed food. He used that hand to hit his chest and help dislodge it.

“You framed me for demolition. I Exploited you for avenger points. I say that breaks us just about even.” Wade raised a brow at the hero. He wasn’t sure that’s how it worked but let him Continue anyway. “So let’s just eat our food and never talk about this again. Like men.”

[[he can’t just use our words against us like that!]]

Wade snorted, and looked down at his own buffet baggie. Slowly he reached in and grabbed the desert box first. Inside were the same cookies Spiderman had chucked at his head, before the night went to hell in a hand basket.

“And hey. It could have been worse. You could of gave away my identity on live tv.” Spiderman said absently.

{{Just imagine that.}}

[[1610 did.]]

“I don’t know your secret identity.” Wade responded dully. Finally after some inner warring he rolled up the bottom of his mask. Long enough to eat his food then replace it. If Spiderman noticed he didn’t make a show of it. And Wade let himself ignore the intense anxiety.

“Heh whatever you say deadpool. Y’know I was always going back and forth. You’d show up at my work, or say something that made me sure you knew.” Spiderman paused long enough to chew another mouthful of food. “Then you’d feign naivety and Id be convinced I got away with it.”

“I don’t know your identity.” Wade repeated. No real bite to it. It was just that he’d have remembered if his hero had told him his name.

“Yes you do.” He insisted slowly, levelling Wade with a strange look. Then he looked shocked, then dumbfounded. “Seriously how can you not?”

“Why don’t you change your wiki and then I’ll know for sure.” Spiderman ignored his little snide remark. Shook his head and grabbed onto both his arms. Deadpool just looked at him confused.

“Yea. You do.” Deadpool looked down at them, at the red and blue gloved hands over his wrists. Over the spiralling loopy letters making up Spider-Man’s name, and the chicken scratch of Peter Parker’s hand writing. Deadpool gulped.

[[This is one sad cocktail you got yourself mixed up in.]]

“Wait then that means… you can’t be.” Deadpool shook his head and held onto his version of reality. spidey held onto his arms Kept them in place. “you’re my soulmate and my worst enemy? how the fuck is that supposed to work.” Wade asked. Looking up into spidey’s visors. Searching for an answer and Scared speechless for once. he had banked on the spidey thing. Had burned every bridge with Parker on purpose. Slowly Spiderman pulled his hands away. “You’re joking right?”

{{His jokes are usually funnier.}}

Parker laughed. At or to himself Wade wasn’t sure. It was a pitiful sound. A puff of air like he knew the joke wasn’t funny but he had to laugh now that he told it. Slowly he reached back behind his head.

He saw brown hair first, soft and fluffy and tugging against the mask. A face that dimpled when it smiled, at 4:00am in pizzerias. And baby browns a guy could get lost in.

“You tell me how it’s supposed to work. I don’t believe in all this mumbo jumbo soulmate shit.”