Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Kaminari Denki added 31 people to the chat.

Kaminari Denki changed the name of the chat to My Songs Know what you did in the Metaverse

Ryuji: Why did you name it that?

Katsuki: Why the fuck are there thirty-two people in this fucking chat? Why the fuck am I here?

Tenya: Language!

Futaba: ooo! Ooo! Can I be a mod pls! Let me be mod! Kaminari make me a mod!

Denki: Because everyone here knows who the Phantom Thieves are!

Denki: I accepted bribes in memes.

Futaba: ohhoho!

Ann: Why do I have a bad feeling about this…wait, this many people know? That’s like 23 people! Who told?

Futaba: Ryuji

Yusuke: Ryuji

Makoto: Ryuji

Haru: Ryuji

Goro: Ryuji

Sumire: Sakamoto-Senpai

Akira: Mona says Ryuji.

Ryuji: RUDE!

Akira: … It was me.

Makoto: Akira!

Izuku: Everyone blames Sakamoto, but it was Kurusu this whole time.

Denki: Rip Ryuji.

Kaminari Denki changed Sakamoto Ryuji to Ripuji.

Ripuji: I hate you.

Futaba: ahaahahahahah

Futaba: That’s great!

Sakura Futaba changed her name to Tentacle Porn

Tentacle Porn: Hehehehehehheheeh

Akira: GREMLIN NO!

Makoto: We are not doing this.

Niijima Makoto changed Kurusu Akira to Joker

Niijima Makoto changed Ripuji to Skull

Niijima Makoto changed to Takamaki Ann to Panther

Niijima Makoto changed Kitagawa Yusuke to Fox

Niijima Makoto changed her name to Queen

Queen changed Tentacle Porn to Oracle

Queen changed Okumura Haru to Noir

Queen changed Akechi Goro to Crow

Queen changed Yoshizawa Sumire to Violet

Queen: That’s better.

Oracle: Laaaame!

Noir: Hehe! I think it’s nice that we have so many people we can trust with this information! Even if they are heroes in training!

Skull: Kami, Ann, and I go back to our middle school days. I trust him!

Denki: Skull…Panther?

Skull: I have a badass Skull mask and Ann is like in a red dominatrix catsuit. When we suggested Sexy kitty, she said she would rather be panther.

Panther: SHUT!

Oracle: I would still call Panther Sexy kitty *Wink*

Joker: Calm down there Oracle, your gay is showing.

Oracle: No homo~

Panther: I am tired.

Fox: Agreed.

Crow: Can I ask, why am I here?

Denki: Because you are apart of us if you like it or not.

Crow: I literally tried to kill Joker last year???

Joker: What’s a little murder for our foreplay baby?

Crow: I hate you.

Katsuki: SHUT THE FUCK UP, I AM TRYING TO STUDY FOR THE FUCKING TEST TOMORROW.

Denki: We have a test tomorrow? Oh shit!

Queen: I see, so you are in the same boat as Ryuji. You should really study and take your schooling seriously. Entrance Exam season is just around the corner after all, and while most of you are going to hero agencies directly after school. The option of getting a college degree on your resume is very appealing.

Hanta: I found the mom of the group!

Mina: We’ve been known

Hanta: Forgive me! I am fool.

Tenya: Please get off your phones and study for the test tomorrow!

Denki: IN A BIT! BUT FIRST

Kaminari Denki changed his name to Chargebolt

Chargebolt changed Aoyama Yuga to Can’t stop Twinkling

Chargebolt changed Ashido Mina to Alien Queen

Chargebolt changed Asui Tsuyu to Froppy

Chargebolt changed Iida Tenya to Ingenium Jr.

Chargebolt changed Uraraka Ochaco to Uravity

Chargebolt changed Ojiro Mashirao to Tailman

Chargebolt changed Kirishima Eijiro to Redriot

Chargebolt changed Kouda Koji to Anima

Chargebolt changed Sato Rikido to Sugarman

Chargebolt changed Shoji Mezo to Tentacole

Chargebolt changed Jiro Kyoka to Earphone

Chargebolt changed Sero Hanta to Cellophane

Chargebolt changed Tokoyami Fumikage to Tsukuyomi

Chargebolt hanged Todoroki Shoto to Shoto

Chargebolt changed Hagakure Toru to Invisible Girl

Chargebolt changed Bakugo Katsuki to Kacchan

Chargebolt Changed Midoriya Izuku to Deku

Chargebolt changed Yaoyorozu Momo to Creati

Chargebolt Changed Shinso Hitoshi to Riddler

Chargebolt changed Tatsumi Kanji to Crochet

Chargebolt changed Kujikawa Rise to Risette

Chargebolt changed Shirogane Naoto to Platinum Detective

Chargebolt gave Creati,  Ingenium Jr., Deku, Joker, Queen, and Crow Mod rights

Chargebolt: :D 

Panther: You know, our Denki has come a long way from being a shy bean to a terror.

Skull: I’m proud.

Kacchan: …

Kacchan: Run

Deku: I am honored that you made me a mod Kaminari!

Queen: I question as to why he made both Akira and Akechi mods. This won’t end well.

Joker has blocked Crow for two hours.

Queen: There it is.

Noir: Why?

Joker: He might not have done anything yet, but you just know the rat bitch would have done something sooner or later. I attacked first!

Oracle: I asked for Mod rights in a nice way. Now I will be forced to do it the Futaba way.

Oracle has become a mod.

Oracle removes Chargebolt from Mod

Oracle has changed Chargebolt to Bitchboy

Bitchboy: Rude!

Oracle: You had your chance.

Joker has removed Oracle from Mod.

Oracle: D:

Joker: Mona said, “You had that coming.”

Fox: sends video

Alien Queen: is…is that Akechi raging?

Fox: Yes, he is upset that Akira has blocked him for no reason and now he’s throwing a mild tantrum. It’s quite amusing.

Cellophane: Why do you just have that video?

Fox: We live together, why wouldn’t I have a video?

Uravity: Since when did you two live together?

Fox: Oh, right I only told the Phantom Thieves about this. Akechi and I have known each other since my first year and dating since the beginning of my second year. After Madarame confessed and I was searching for a place to stay since I refused to live in a house full of abuse.

Fox: I had originally moved the dorms but decided that they were too small and dirty for my liking.

Fox: So I spent all my money on sweets to give Ann’s parents as a thank you for letting me stay with them during the school year!

Fox: She quickly turned me, thus leaving me on the street. Luckily Akira and Morgana allowed me to stay with them. That’s where we had a hot pot dinner and talked about our pasts together.

Fox: After that I spoke with boss and decided to move back into the dorms so that I wouldn’t be a burden for my friends, especially when Akira was still on probation and it would just add stress to take care of three minors.

Fox: On my way back to the dorms I ran into Akechi and we began to talk. It was at that moment he asked me to move in with him.

Joker: Awe, baby! You didn’t need to feel like you were a burden to any of us!

Oracle: Joker, your gays showing!

Joker: Shut, I’m Bi! Get it right.

Platinum Detective: WHAT IS THIS GROUP CHAT FOR AND WHY AM I HERE?

Risette: dont worry about naoto-kun, he always texts like this.

Skull: I still can’t believe Risette’s in our group chat!

Oracle: For once, I agree with Ryuji.

Risette: rise is just fine while we're here! After all I was in class 1a for the first year

Noir: I don’t mean to change the topic or anything, but I’ve been wondering, would anyone come to a café named “café Noir?”

Creati: Of course! It sounds like a place I would love to spend my time in!

Earphone: Totally.

Riddler: Any place that has coffee is a friend of mine.

Noir: Oh! Wonderful! I don’t want to stick with Okumura foods for my café! I want to start a café that will make everyone happy!

Oracle: This coming from our resident S.

Noir: ｡◕‿◕｡

Anima: ⋟^≏^⋞

Froppy: :(¦)

Skull: Noir isn’t confirming nor denying that she’s an S!

Fox: This is... information we have all known?

Crow: KURUSU YOU LITTLE BITCH!

Joker: damn, has it been two hours already?

Crow has blocked Joker for 24 hours

Deku: Should we take the power from them?

Bitchboy: Nah, this is entertaining! Chaos helps to charge my quirk.

Deku: Really? I thought it was Kacchan throwing you out into a thunderstorm?

Bitchboy: Can confirm that it helps, but it also overcharges me and that’s why I end up not sleeping for a week!

Skull: Yo! Want to hear a story of how we found out this shit is true?

Bitchboy: Ryuji no!

Panther: Check it, second-year middle school. We went to the arcade to play some games before we went home and it started to rain like, super hard! We tried to just wait it out but Denki’s parents had a curfew set for him right. So he’s like “You know what, fuck this!” And took off in the middle of the rain!

Skull: he got like five steps out before a lightning strike hit him!

Panther: Naturally because of his quirk it didn’t hurt him! He just sort of froze in place for a moment before he just started to twitch on the spot and bolted the fuck out of there! Like he took off like a bolt of lightning!

Skull: He started to message us once he got home and all that. Asking us random questions about homework and then just went on asking a lot of different things.

Panther: After we went to bed for the night he just sort of blew up our phones that night! After that it took like…three days before he finally crashed from that energy rush! It was wild.

Red Riot: LMAO

Alien Queen: sdjfkdjfkd

Cellophane: DUDE WTF DFJDFLSFKJD

Bitchbaby:…I trusted you guys.

Riddler: that explains so much, bby why didn’t you ever tell me?

Bitchbaby: Because I didn’t want you to know damnit! Ryuji! Ann! I trusted both of you damnit!

Panther: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Ryuji: *Finger guns*

Fox: sends picture

Queen: wait, is Haru over there with you two?

Fox: she found out that we’ve been eating nothing but TV dinners for the past week because I’ve been busy with school and Akechi’s first year at university isn’t the best so far because it somehow got out that Shido is his father and they’re treating him like garbage.

Noir: I just asked some of my kitchen staff to prepare a week's worth of food for them! That way they can decide what they want to eat and easily reheat it! Plus I rather them eat fresh stuff instead of something that’s been sitting in the store for god knows how long.

Oracle: *Gasp* you just know its rich people food! Inari is eating like a rich person!

Skull: Went from rag to fab within a year.

Fox: Bold of you to assume I have money to eat. Most of the money I make from my part-time job goes straight to rent, art supplies, and food for my tarantula's.

Crow: before anyone says anything. No, I cannot stop him from buying art supplies! He literally hissed at me last week for trying to remove a paint set from our basket!

Tsukuyomi: surely you jest.

Crow: I wish. His ears went on high alert and his tail puffed up. It was very threatening!

Shoto: what a mood.

Queen: As fun as all of this is. I think I am going to leave for the night. Big sis and I are going out for dinner and catch up! So, I’ll see everyone later. Please take care of yourselves a bit better. Oh, and if Yusuke gives you any problems with shopping. Please call me. I’ll make sure he behaves himself.

Fox: (ง’̀-‘́)ง

Queen: Yusuke~

Fox:…

Fox: Yes Queen.

Queen: That’s what I thought. Goodnight everyone!

Chapter Text

[My Songs Know What you did in the Metaverse]

3:30

Oracle: scrolling though some forms that are talking shit about them bro heroes and all I can say is “what a fucking mood”

3:40

Oracle: found some thirsty tweets over bro heroes!

Oracle: “I would let Eraserhead split me in half like a pistachio.”

Oracle: “Eraserhead is so powerful, how is it that at any age I want him to break my back like the seal on a water bottle.”

Oracle: “I would let Pro-Hero Eraserhead break my back like a glowstick!”

Oracle: “Hey Eraserhead, this might be a bit forward, but may I please lick your biceps like a mom “cleaning up” a melting ice cream cone for her kid.”

Riddler: Okay I need you to stop now! I don’t need to read thirst tweets about my dad!

Oracle: Should I find some All Might Thirst Tweets?

Riddler: please just leave my dad’s out of this. They’ve done nothing to you!

Oracle: hehehehe

Bitchboy: bby, you know that All Might has a shit tone of thirst tweets! It’s just like… common knowledge

Oracle: hey, hey Kami, have you ever written All Might Thirst Tweets?

Bitchboy: nah fam, I don’t go after older men.

Riddler: you say that and yet.

Bitchboy: I am older than you good sir.

Riddler: only by two days

Oracle: Yo! If I order some big panties who would try to fit in them with me?

Tsukuyomi: I am sorry, what?

Oracle: if I buy big ass panties. Who would wear them with me?

Shoto: how big are there?

Oracle: um, the description says “60" Around, Undies Measure Approx. 30 1/2" Long.”

Shoto: I would.

Fox: I would not, but I would gladly paint everyone wearing it.

Oracle: Lame Inari is lame!

Shoto: your awake?

Fox: I have a project due tomorrow and I’m not done with it yet.

Deku: you know, I was wondering.

Deku: why are all of you awake at 4am?

Tsukuyomi: like your one to talk Midoriya.

Deku: fair point.

Bitchboy: yo, sign me up for the giant panties!

Riddler: bby no.

Bitchboy: bby yes!

Shoto: what color are the panties?

Oracle: I was thinking I would get the multiple colored ones. The uglier the better.

Fox: do not! Futaba, I beg of you. Get the ones that will compliment everyone instead of the ugly ones.

Oracle: too late, they will be here by Friday!

Fox: I loathe you sometimes.

Oracle: :P that’s not what you said last mementoes trip~

Fox: oh look, I have suddenly forgotten how to read.

Bitchboy: 👀

Oracle: so, what had happened was-

Deku has blocked Oracle for an hour

Shoto: I guess that means it’s time for bed. Perhaps she’ll remember the story in the morning.

7:30 am

Cellophane: sign me up for the giant panties as well!

Alien Queen: can we walk around campus in them?

Ingenium Jr: you will do both such thing!

Ingenium Jr: we are heroes in training! We must leave an example for our underclassmen!

Oracle: bold of you to assume all of us are heroes!

Queen: Futaba, have you even slept? You have school today!

Oracle: hnn! I doubt want to people today!

Joker: Kana.

Oracle: hnnnn

Joker: head Pat’s

Oracle: HNNNNN

Joker: I’ll get you that figure you’ve been eyeing for a while now.

Oracle: UGH I’m going! I’m going.

Ingenium Jr: did you just bribe her…with headpats?

Joker: Futaba loves headpats. It’s the figure that sold her though.

Invisible Girl: hey, can I get in on that pantie action? I too wish to run around the campus in there.

Ingenium Jr: Hagakure!

Kacchan: WILL YOU EXTRAS SHUT UP AND GET YOUR ASSES DOWN HERE FOR BREAKFAST!

Red Riot: omw bby!

Earphone: rounding the corner with Tsu and Uraraka now.

Panther: ugh, I wish I could have some home cooked food for breakfast! I’m so hungry but all I got is a granola bar.

Joker: if I was there, I would make you a full course meal bby.

Panther: oh? Are you just saying that because you want to flirt, or because you would really make me a full course meal?

Joker: a little of both truthfully. I’m so lonely out here in the country with only Morgana to keep me company. All he’s done is hog the bed and complain about the food.

Noir: tragic.

Noir: Ann-Chan would you like to have dinner with me tonight? I’ll take you.

Panther: awe! Bby I would love too! But I have a photoshoot this afternoon and afterwards I was going to hang out with Shiho for a bit!

Noir: maybe another time. :3

Uravity: I wish I had a rich girlfriend who would offer to take me to dinner.

Noir: I’ll take you out to dinner tonightヾ(о-ω･)ﾉ⌒★

Uravity: o.o really?

Froppy: Ochako-Chan, we have work today.

Uravity: (＃`Д´)

Noir: o(TヘTo) maybe next time.

Fox: if you are offering Haru, I am always willing!

Noir: (´• ω •`) ♡ thank you Yusuke! I’m excited now!

Queen: I know Haru doesn’t have class until later, but everyone else should finish breakfast and get to school before you are all late!

Skull: why does school have to start soooo early! I just wanna sleep until noon!

Panther: *sigh* I bet you were up until late playing video games again. Weren’t you?

Skull: yeah. Futaba and I got this new game and somehow, she’s ahead of me in it?

Oracle: Sojiro has a rule that I gotta have homework finished before I can play games. So, I make sure I have a months’ worth of homework done before I even get started.

Deku: how do you get a month’s work of homework? Sensei won’t even tell us what we’re working on the next day!

Oracle: oh, I just hacked into my teachers’ computers and work on everything.

Ingenium jr: Why would you just say that in this chat?

Oracle: I’m a dirty crime girl! I do what I want, when I want!

Creati: I check my phone to see what’s going on this morning and I regret it.

Tentacole: mood.

Crow: shut up! I am trying to sleep! My class isn’t until 10 and I didn’t fall asleep until 2am!

Oracle: Crow! Crow! I bought a pair of ugly giant ass panties! Will you wear them and run around the campus of UA with us?

Crow: no.

Crow: fuck you, I am going back to sleep!

Bitchboy: I wish that was me.

Riddler: Denki, we’re going to leave soon.

Bitchboy: I’m coming. I’m coming.

1:30 p.m.

Risette: listen up! I have a signing going on Saturday at the Mall and I need a hero bodyguard! I asked Yu-Senpai to do it but he’s busy with stuff! Uncle Hizashi said he can’t come to keep me company. So, which one of you punks wants to do it?

Shoto: Narukami-Senpai is doing stuff? What kind of stuff is he doing?

Earphone: how is Senpai doing? He’s at a nice agency isn’t he?

Cellophane: does he remember us? Has he asked about us?

Bitchboy: he knows I would die for him, right?

Risette: Listen! I know we ALL love Yu-Senpai, but focus! Signing. Saturday. Need. Bodyguard!

Platinum Detective: IM SORRY RISE, BUT DOJIMA-SAN ASKED ME TO WORK ON A JOB WITH HIM THIS WEEKEND.

Crochet: komori asked me if I could help her pick out fabric for her mom’s birthday present this weekend.

Risette: (・`ω´・) are you now, are you sure it’s not because there’s a certain someone’s birthday coming up soon?

Crochet: SHUT!

Risette: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Bitchboy: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Oracle: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Skull: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Joker: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Cellophane: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Red Riot: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Tsukuyomi: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Tentacole: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Anima: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Can’t stop Twinkling: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Uravity: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Froppy: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Deku: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Shoto: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Noir: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Crow: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Riddler: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Earphone: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Sugarman: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Tailman: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Invisible Girl: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Panther: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Fox: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Violet: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Bitchboy: whoa, whoa, Sumire lives? It’s been like…months!

Violet: apology, my phone has been acting up!

Oracle: I keep telling her I could just make her a new phone.

Noir: I offered to buy her a new phone every time I see her.

Risette: FOCUS!

Kacchan: YOU STARTED THIS

Risette: I KNOW!

Shoto: I’ll go, I was going to take Futaba to the mall anyways. I have E*ndeavor's credit card this week.

Risette: this week?

Shoto: yeah, me and my siblings take turns with it. Natsu had it last week and Fuyumi had it the week before.

Deku: how are you still getting away with this?

Shoto: ╮( ˘ ､ ˘ )╭

Risette: thanks! I’ll let Uncle Hizashi and Uncle Shota know about it!

Joker: uncle Shota…I miss him! Yo! Hitoshi you should talk Uncle Shota into having the summer training camp in my town!

Oracle: um, no? Hoe you promised us you would come up for Summer! Sojiro already has the café cleaned up for you and Mona!

Joker: *gasps* I’m loved!

Skull: damn right you are!

Panther: stop acting surprised we all love you!

Fox: Sends picture

Skull: for real? How did you managed to get a selfie with the Shogi girl?

Fox: Hifumi-San and I are in the same class. She wanted to say hello and get a drink before her Shogi match today.

Oracle: a drink huh?

Alien Queen: careful now, you wouldn’t want to make anyone jealous~

Fox: perhaps

Noir: Yusuke, I’ll pick you up around seven, is that okay?

Fox: I can meet you at the station by 6:50.

Noir: :3 that works

Uravity: (ﾉД`) I wish that was me!

Uravity: I want a sugar mama or a sugar daddy like that.

Shoto: is that not what I am?

Creati: ??

Ingenium Jr: are we chopped liver to you?

Uravity: Noo! Babies I love you!

Bitchboy: D: bby why don’t we go on dates?

Riddler: bby, right now all I can afford is Big Bang Burger.

Bitchboy: BBY I LOVE BURGERS!

Riddler: eeeeeh

Noir: you know you all have accounts at Big Bang Burger, correct? You can get free meal’s there.

Riddler: Senpai you fool! Why did you tell him this?

Noir: because you’re my friends and lovers?

Bitchboy: YOU MEAN I COULD EAT BIG BANG BURGER FOR 3 SQUARE MEALS? OH, HELL YA!

Noir: sweetie, I need you to not do that. I need you to limit yourself. Eating fast food all the time is unhealthy for you and can cause health problems.

Noir: *side eyes @Crow*

Crow: I do not need to be called out like this Okumura-San.

Noir: (*´ω｀)o

Crow: I am intimidated.

Red Riot: by a cutie like Senpai?

Crow: if only you knew how scary that cute face truly was.

Crow: you don’t know true fear until you’ve seen that cute face morphed into one of pure sadism as she swings a giant axe around.

Skull: or said cute face tells a shadow to beg for mercy before she kills them in cold blood.

Joker: or when she uses her rocket launcher at a group of shadows all while giggling.

Crow:

Skull:

Joker:

Cellophane: are you guys okay over there?

Joker: I wonder if I can talk my parents into letting me spend the weekend in the city?

Skull: pls

Crow: for once I wish I could go home early.

Earphone: do you guys need a moment?

Noir: oh my, you all think I’m scary?

Skull: it’s really hot.

Noir: I see, Yus-Kun is nodding his head in agreement right now! So, I suppose it’s true! Hehe, speaking of which, Goro-Chan, Yus-Kun is staying the night with me! I hope that’s okay!

Crow:…

Noir: you see, I got a new Tarantula the other day and I want to show Yus-Kun.

Crow: please, for the love of god do not being it home. I’m 100% certain that the two we have here already want me dead!

Fox: non-sense. Picasso and Kahlo are sweethearts! They won’t harm you!

Crow: last time you fed them I’m certain one of them just stared at me like I was a juice rat.

Joker: are you not?

Crow has blocked Joker for 24 hours

Cellophane:Mmm Whatcha Say

Skull: daaaaamn, there was no hesitation in that.

Panther: I leave for work and come back to you little shits thirsting over Haru and Akechi blocking Akira.

Panther: can’t you behave for like a full day?

Alien Queen: honestly, I’ve re-read that whole deal with the boys thirsting over Noir and all I can say is.

Alien Queen: big same!

Invisible Girl: I think all of us can agree, big same.

Tailman: are we going to just…ignore the Tarantulas? I for one would decide to side with Akechi-Senpai.

Crow: Ojiro is the only smart one here.

Creati has blocked Crow for 20 minutes

Skull: Daaaaaaaaaaaaamn.

Creati: (✿´ ꒳ ` )

Creati: Also, Tarantulas might have eight eyes but that does not mean they have the best vision. Most of them rely on the vibrations on their webbing to help them find their pray.

Chapter Text

[My songs know what you did in the Metaverse]

Fox: I don’t mean to alarm anyone

Fox: but Ryuji and I did something.

Crow: I automatically don’t like it. Whatever it is, put it back.

Skull: but we’ve bonded…I named it!

Fox: it is…a very worthy name of him as well.

Crow: please tell me it’s not already at our apartment.

Fox: …

Fox: sends picture

Uravity: OMG LOOK AT ITS CUTE LITTLE FACE! IT HAS A MASK AND CUTE WITTLE WISKERS!

Uravity: I love him!

Skull: we named him Phantom Ferret!

Crow:...that’s my apartment!

Crow: Get it out of my apartment now!

Fox: but we’ve already bonded!

Fox: and its OUR apartment! I pay half the rent and utilities!

Crow: we’re not even allowed pets there Yusuke! I’ll be home in five minutes! It better be gone!

Skull: YOU WON’T TAKE OUR SON AWAY FROM US!

Joker: omg! Ryuji, Yusuke! I love our new son and I can’t wait to hold him!

Oracle: we should have named him Mona 2, return of the Mona.

Panther: Mona 2, this time it’s purrsonal.

Oracle: ...Panther, don’t make me shame you for stupid puns.

Fox: what’s the matter Oracle? Are they too mewch for you?

Oracle: -_-

Oracle has blocked Fox for 24 hours

Queen: Futaba!

Queen has removed Oracle from Mod

Queen has unblocked Fox

Queen has blocked Oracle for an hour

Fox: thank you.

Queen: you and Ryuji are both in trouble.

Queen: you both know that the apartment you live in does not allow pets. You get away with your Tarantula’s because they do not smell or cause much noise and very easy to hide.

Queen: ferrets, however, you cannot easily hide!

Queen: what if your landlord comes in due to noise complaint and find him?

Skull: sends picture

Skull: how can you look at these two adorable faces? Are we really going to decline this poor innocent little fox the joys of having his first furry baby?

Joker: Makoto, Makoto please! You can’t say no to those faces!

Queen:…

Ingenium Jr: Makoto-Senpai, please be strong.

Shoto: I’m going blind by how adorable it is.

Skull: sends picture

Skull: HOLY SHIT. AKECHI HAS JUST ARRIVED AND HE LOOKS LIKE HE’S OUT OF BREATH!

Skull: HE’S HUFFING AND PUFFING! OH GOD HIS VOICE IS CRACKING.

4:30

Bitchboy:…hey so ryuji and yusuke has been quiet for a while. Do you think Akechi snapped and killed them?

Fox: Sends picture

Anima: Akechi-senpai is cuddling with Phantom Ferret! I love it!

Queen: there is still the matter of “no pets allowed” problem.

Crow: I’m sure I can find a way to make it work.

Noir: (✿´ ꒳ ` ) I do have extra bedrooms.

Crow: pass, but thank you for the offer.

Violet: oh my god Senpais they’re so cute! Akechi-San, you and Sakamoto-Senpai look so comfy cuddled up like that with Phantom Ferret!

Crow:…

Oracle: Akechi, if you don’t hurry up, you will be late for your 5:30 class. Also, on the way I need you to pick up the thing for me.

Oracle: Akechi?

Oracle: Heeeello?

Skull: I don’t think you’ll be getting your thing today, nor is he making that class? He is currently being used as a pillow.

Oracle: hnnn

Oracle; it’s fine, it’s fine. Yo @kacchan

Oracle: @Kacchan

Oracle: @Kacchan

Kacchan: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT? I AM BUSY!

Oracle: oh good. You’re on! I have sent an address to your phone. I need you to go to that location, pick up the goods and bring it to me.

Kacchan: I’M NOT A DELIVERY BOY

Oracle: you need to hurry! The store closes at 6 and you are the only one in the area.

Kacchan: I AINT PICKING IT UP FOR YOU!

Oracle: and yet the Pomeranian is on the move anyways.

Joker: I can see her gremlin ass from my shitty ass room in this shitty country grinning like a little shit.

Panther: summer is only a few months away.

Joker: hnn

Shoto: Futaba, what is Bakugo picking up for you?

Oracle: you’ll see when its time.

3 am

Bitchboy changed his name to Elekid

Elekid: that’s better.

Red Riot: why Elekid?

Elekid: because everyone calls me Pikachu, but truthfully Elekid is bby and so am I!

Oracle: as cute as Pikachu is, he is the mascot and it’s always great to sway from popular belief.

Red Riot: that’s fair, I guess.

Elekid has changed kacchan to Yamper

Red Riot: tucbsorge

Elekid: if I die tomorrow, please bury in Big Bang Burgers

Oracle: hell ya!

7:30

Yamper: YOUR DEAD SPARKY

Riddler: hey, can we not kill my boyfriend and bury him in Big Bang Burgers?

Noir: I brought this up with my Lawyer and she has informed me that “I should not allow you to be buried in a bed of burgers.”

Noir: so, I apologize Kaminari.

Elekid: rip

Ingenium jr: everyone! We have a very important day today, please stay focus and don’t cause that much trouble for sensei!

Yamper: FUCK YOU, I’LL DO WHAT I WANT

5:50

Oracle: YO THE PANTIES ARE HERE! WHOS READY TO GO RUNNING AROUND UA IN GIANT UGLY AF PANTIES!

Oracle: @Skull I need you to get over here like…now!

Skull: I’ll be there in like five minutes!

Elekid: oh, hell ya! I’ll get permission for you guys to come in!

Shoto: I’m excited.

Red Riot: I wonder if we can fit everyone in it?

Oracle: Sends picture

Red Riot: Its bigger than Ryuji!

Invisible Girl: This is going to be so much fun! Holy shit!

Joker: I am so jealous right now.

Panther: I swear to god, if you are going to wearing that, I will disown all of you.

Noir: oh my! I wish to participate in this activity! It looks like it’ll be fun!

Ingenium jr: think of our underclassmen and the example we are setting.

Cellophane: yo, Awase said he wants to join and so does Ranpo-san.

Joker: YES, I CAN LIVE THEOUGH BIG BROTHER!

Risette: if you come to my signing wearing that shit, I will end you all.

Shoto: we will do it next weekend.

Oracle: YES!

Noir: I’ll prepare some food! We can have a picnic afterwards!

Fox: I am ashamed of you all.

Tailman: I kind of want to join now but at the same time I’m embarrassed for even knowing you guys.

Earphone: why did you buy that thing again?

Oracle: it was 4 am and I was reading thirst tweets about Eraserhead. Shinso got embarrassed and so I went shopping? You find the best shit at 4am.

Froppy: those were some thirsty tweets.

Riddler: guys please! That is your teacher!

Uravity: our teacher also came up with a “thirst-tweet Thursday” and most of those tweets are from your boyfriend.

Elekid: listen. I’m a simple man. I see hot people and I fall.

Riddler: and that’s fine, because in the end he comes back to me.

Yamper: that sounds like a pathetic life.

Riddler: I haven’t slept in 96 hours. Leave me alone.

Elekid: bby.

Riddler: don’t you bby me. You are in the same boat.

Queen:…how are you functioning?

Riddler: coffee and Energy drinks.

Elekid: that thunderstorm we had last night~

Red Riot: should we ask Midnight to use her quirk on you guys? I feel like we should do that.

Riddler:…

Elekid:…

Cellophane: I just had war flashbacks to first year and I had to do the exam with him.

Invisible girl: (ﾒ` ﾛ ´)

Earphone: we do not speak of that…that

Creati: garbage!

Uravity: it’s in our past. It won’t hurt us.

Queen: I feel like there is a story we are missing here.

Skull: nah, Kami told me and Ann about it back in first year.

Panther: apparently there was this guy who was like a major pervert towards the girls and sexually harassed them a lot.

Joker: if we had been around just a year earlier. We could have kicked his ass.

Elekid: nah fam, if you did that Shinso wouldn’t have had his spot.

Oracle: oh, why does his hair look like that?

Oracle: does he style it to look like that?

Oracle: Wait, he can pull them off his head?

Oracle: AND THEY ARE STICKY? GUYS! HE HAS SOME STICKY BALLS!

Creati has blocked Oracle from the chat for an hour

Oracle has unblocked herself

Oracle has removed mod rights from Creati

Oracle: hehehehe

Joker has removed Oracle from mod

Joker has removed oracle from the group

Joker gives Creati mod rights

Joker: the evil has been defeated.

Joker: my skin has cleared

Joker: crops are flourishing

Joker: my grades are up.

Sakura Futaba has joined the group

Sakura Futaba has changed her name to Alibaba

Alibaba has changed Jokers name to slut

Alibaba: I live bitch

Slut: it was nice while it lasted.

Crow: so, it seems Joker has found his true calling.

Slut has removed Crow from the chat

Slut: My skin is clear

Slut: my curry is cooking

Slut: my cat is judging

Alibaba has added Akechi Goro to the chat

Alibaba has changed Akechi’s name to Boo you whore

Boo you whore: well.

Boo you whore has changed Alibaba's name to Gremlin

Boo you whore has changed his name to Loki

Loki: better.

Gremlin: I thought Akira would have changed this to my name a loong time ago.

Gremlin: oh well.

Elekid: you know, its reasons like this that I’m terrified to hang out with Akechi.

Loki: this? Oh no! This is nothing.

Gremlin: you should see him in the metaverse. He goes full on feral.

Slut has changed Loki to Feral on Main

Feral on Main: you know what Kurusu? I challenge you to a duel!

Slut: oh?

Feral on Main: when do you arrive in the city?

Slut: school let’s out 7/27 for me. I can be on the train by 5 and be at Leblanc by 10, maybe 11.

Feral on Main: VERY WELL! ON SATURDAY, 7/28 I CHALLENGE THEE TO A DUEL!

Slut: since you are the challenger that means I PICK THE DUEL!

Feral on Main: I am aware. Choose wisely Slut.

Slut: the game I choose will be…

Feral on Main:…

Slut:…

Feral on Main:…

Slut:…

Yamper: JUST FUCKING SAY IT ALL READY YOU FUCKING COCKSUCKER.

Slut: Turkish mud wrestling!

Ryuji: the hell is that?

Sugarman: Turkish Mud Wresting, or Oil wresting, also called grease wrestling, is the Turkish national sport. It is so called because the wrestlers douse themselves with olive oil. The term "Güreş" is shared with other forms of wrestling practiced by Turkic speakers across Europe and Central Asia, such as the Uzbek kurash, Tuvan khuresh and Tatar köräş. The wrestlers, known as pehlivan (meaning "hero" or "champion"), wear a type of hand-stitched leather trousers called a kisbet (sometimes kispet), which is traditionally made of water buffalo hide, and most recently has been made of calfskin.

Skull: for real?

Feral on Main:…

Slut: what’s the matter? Are you…scared? There’s no shame in backing out now Akechi-San.

Panther: okay, is it me or did anyone else just read that in Jokers voice and suddenly get a chill down their spine?

Fox: I did.

Gremlin: same.

Queen: me too.

Noir: Mako-Chan, I need your assistance with something. Please come over as soon as possible?

Queen: omw.

Feral on Main: I refuse to back down.

Slut: let’s make things more interesting.

Feral on Main: oh? A bet?

Slut: yep! If you win, I’ll clean and cook for you the whole summer break.

Feral on Main: no complaints about what I want?

Slut: none.

Feral on Main: and what do you get if you win?

Slut: (｀∀´)Ψ I have a wonderful little outfit that I want you to wear with a whole persona I have written out for you.

Skull: oh shit. Jokers prepared.

Panther: Crow, if you are smart you will BACK OUT NOW.

Shoto: no, I’m curious about this.

Deku: hey Sato…how do you know what Turkish Mud Wrestling is?

Sugarman: I’ve done research on a few wrestling styles in my day.

Gremlin: you know what I’m curious about?

Shoto: what?

Gremlin has changed Sugarman to Sugardaddy

Gremlin: why no one has done that yet.

Sugardaddy: -_- I shouldn’t be surprised.

Shoto: but I’m the real Sugardaddy here?

Deku: Todoroki please.

Gremlin: now, my question is! JOKER! How do YOU know about Turkish Mud Wrestling?

Slut: reasons that I cannot classify as of this moment. Now if you look at the time. I have to go. My mother is calling me for dinner.

Gremlin: there he goes.

Gremlin: off to eat a dinner that is subpar next to Sojiro's curry.

Gremlin:…now I want Curry!

Gremlin: screw you guys, I’m going to demand curry from Sojiro now!

10:30

Uravity: ARE YOU SERIOUS? ALL THE GOOD SHIT HAPPENED WHEN I WASN’T EVEN HERE?

Uravity: FUCK!

Uravity: Fine! I’m placing money down on Joker winning!

Uravity: punk sounds like he has something planned.

Chapter Text

5:05 am

Okumura Haru has added three people to the chat

Okumura Haru has changed Yaoyorozu Momo to Tea Queen

Okumura Haru has changed Iida Tenya to Zonic

Okumura Haru had changed Todoroki Shoto to Sobalover69

Okumura Haru has changed her name to Sadistic Princess

Sadistic Princess has changed the group name to Sugar Daddies and Sugar Mommies

7 AM

Zonic: Senpai…what is this?

Sobalover69: it looks like a group chat?

Zonic: I see that, but why is it called that?

Sobalover69: I would assume it’s because we are the rich friends of the group.

Tea Queen: is…is my name Tea Queen?

Sobalover69: it would appear so.

Sadistic Princess: Good Morning everyone!

Sadistic Princess: OH MY! Look at that. My name has been changed!

Zonic: no Senpai, you made a new group chat this morning. Did you forget?

Sadistic Princess: I must confess, I did not make this chat.

Zonic: but…

Sadistic Princess: oh! I remember now! Ryuji and Futaba-Chan spent the night with me! One of them must have done it.

Sadistic Princess: I could delete this chat if you don’t wish to be in it?

Tea Queen: I think it would be a good place to get away from everyone when it gets too wild?

Sobalover69: I like this chat name. I wish to become a sugar daddy.

Tea Queen: sweetie, you already are. You're taking Futaba-Chan to the mall tomorrow.

Zonic: last time you had custody of your father’s credit card, you bought Midoriya a limited edition All Might Figure that only had a limited supply.

Tea Queen: before that, I’m fairly certain you helped Makoto-Senpai buy a motorcycle.

Sobalover69: I only spotted what she needed. Senpai even said she would pay me back.

Sadistic Princess: do you get anything out of it?

Sobalover69: sometimes? I bought Jiro a new instrument and when she asked when I wanted the money back, I told her “I don’t?” And instead of paying me back in cash we just sort of ended up cuddling and she listened to me talk about my mom.

Sadistic Princess: awe.

Tea Queen: congratulations, you are a sugar daddy.

Sobalover69: I’m so happy.

Zonic: anyways. We have class soon; I’m going on ahead with Aoyama.

Sobalover69: Aoyama…huh

Zonic: don’t even.

Sobalover69: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Tea Queen: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Sadistic Princess: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Zonic: I trusted all of you.

[The Baku parade]

3:20pm

I see all the butts: sends video

I see all the butts: Ladies and gentlemen, Akechi Goro just walked into Leblanc and Sakamoto Ryuji just threw a plate of curry in his face!

I see all the butts: normally I would be pissed at the waste of the best curry in the world

I see all the butts: BUTT that reaction that Akechi gave is the best!

Bubblegumbitch: omg he looks so confused for like a split second before his face morphed to one of pure rage!

Sparksfly: RUN RYUJI RUN!

I see all the butts: Sends Video

Explosion: Serves him right.

Sunshinechild: Ryuji! No!

Sleep: hello, welcome to Big Bang Burger, what can I get for you today?

Tapper: yeah um, can I get aaaaa burger with a side ooooooof F for Ryuji?

I see all the butts: F

Sparksfly: F

Bublegumbitch: F

Ponytails: F

Sleep: F

Explosion: F

Sunshinechild: F

Music: F

Tapper: F

I see all the butts: I’m actually impressed Ryuji got all the way to the supermarket before Akechi got him though.

I see all the butts: Sojiro is going to make him clean up the curry.

I see all the butts: *gasp* SOJIRO IS POURING A CUP OF COFFEE FOR RYUJI AND GOING TO MAKE HIM DRINK IT ALL!

I see all the butts: I love my dad!

Ponytails: Makoto and I will be at the café soon! We just had to stop and get a few things!

I see all the butts: did you get the thing I asked of you?

Ponytails: yeah, but I still don’t understand why you even need something like that?

I see all the butts: eheheheh

Sparksfly: why do I have an uneasy feeling?

I see all the butts: don’t worry about it.

Tapper: she says that, but worry had just shot through the roof.

[My Songs Know what you did in the Metaverse]

8:45 P.M.

Queen: I would like to inform everyone, that I will be gone for a while. Sis and I have been discussing going away for a bit and considering most of my assignments are due online I now have the perfect opportunity to go. I will put this and every other chat on mute while I am gone. If you need me, please message me directly. I don’t want to hear from anyone unless someone is dying. Understand?

Noir: understood Mako-Chan! Please enjoy yourself! I know it’s been a while since you two got to spend time together!

10 P.M.

Skull: Makoto isn’t going to be here for a while?

Skull: Akira is in the country until July

Skull: Mona is with him.

Skull: Akechi is easy to sway as long as we show him cute things.

Skull: LETS PARTY!

Elekid: I’m trying to sleep!

Skull: oh shit, sorry Denki!

Elekid: ._.

Elekid: if not for the laws of this land, I would murder you.

Elekid: we’ll talk about it in the morning.

Elekid: goodnight.

7 A.M.

Risette: GOOOOOD MORNING EVERYONE! ITS TIME TO GET UP AND READY! MY SIGNING IS 12-2 SO LET’S GET GOING! I WANT TO HAVE EVERYTHING SET UP EARLY!

7:20 A.M.

Risette: ._. There’s no way all of you fuckers are still asleep.

Risette: don’t make me march all the way over there!

7:30 A.M.

Risette: you have left me with no choice.

7:35 A.M.

Yamper: WHO THE FUCK SET OFF THE FIRE ALARM?

Yamper: WHEN I FIND YOU MOTHER FUCKER YOU ARE DEAD!

Yamper: IS THAT FUCKING CLEAR?

Feral on Main has blocked Yamper for 5 hours

Feral on Main: ITS SATURDAY, LET ME CUDDLE YUSUKE AND SLEEP IN FUCKING PEACE!

Tailman: Akechi-San is a brave man.

Shoto: sorry, I got up earlier and went to pick Futaba up.

Shoto: Sakura-San made me eat breakfast with them.

Shoto: I just read up and oh.

Shoto: Please be safe Akechi-San

Gremlin: Todoroki just stared at Sojiro as he shoved food in front of him! It was so adorable!

Gremlin: sends 10 pictures

Risette: thank you for the Food Futaba-Chan!

Cellophane: his left side is on fire in like 5 of those.

Gremlin: Sojiro got the fire extinguisher out, but Todoroki put the fire out himself.

Risette: well, we’re an hour behind now. Please hurry.

Shoto: let me get my hero costume and I’ll be right there.

12 P.M.:

Gremlin: okay, so the fact that I get to be at this signing with Risette is…AMAZING but also hnnn…so many people are here and I can’t just latch onto Todoroki or Rise without drawing attention to myself and ahh I think someone’s staring at me! Oh no! Did I brush my hair? Is there something on my face? Oh no! Am I wearing an ugly outfit?

Gremlin: hnn!

Gremlin: I got over needing a key item last year but this is terrible!

Gremlin: I NEED JOKER!

Gremlin: oh!

Gremlin: Todoroki saw me panicking and moved closer to me!

Gremlin: I have a hold of Todoroki’s coat now.

Noir: Futaba-Chan, do you want me to come and get you for a bit?

Gremlin: no, no I’m okay…I’m okay.

Shoto: Rise’s manager told me it’s okay if I move Futaba away from the crowd.

Shoto: I’m taking her to get Boba.

Shoto: Rise requested Milk Tea with Rose Boba.

Gremlin: Booooba!

Slut has changed Gremlin to Booooba

Slut has changed Shoto to Daddy Sugar

Booooba: bitch

Slut: :3

Cellophane: daddy sugar?

Slut: Sato is Sugardaddy, so Todoroki is daddy Sugar. Simple as that.

Sugardaddy: thanks, still hate this

Daddy Sugar: this is fine.

4 P.M.

Risette: so, signing has been done for a while, we’ve just been walking around the mall for the past few hours and honestly, Futaba has been clinging to Todoroki’s arm as if it’s a lifeline?

Risette: sends picture

Risette: he just pulls her closer whenever someone walks too close!

Slut: careful there Todoroki, Futaba is cute, but once she has you, there’s no escape.

Daddy Sugar: well aware.

6 P.M.

Daddy Sugar: Futaba and Rise have been dropped off; I’ll be back in a bit.

[Baku Parade]

I see all the butts: Eraser shoves his hands down Vlad Kings pants and grins when the gray-haired man whimpered from his touch. “Already, Vlad?” he asked.

I see all the butts: wrong chat.

I see all the butts: how y’all doing?

Sleep: why are you like this?

Sleep: can’t you leave my dad alone for a day?

Sunshine child: LMAFO

Bublegumbitch: ahahaha

Tapper: dsyfgxkeus

Sparksfly: OMFG THAT’S SO IACGWINFYC

Music: I can no longer look Sensei in the eyes

Ponytail: why

For real: you ship real people?

Explosion has removed I see all the butts from the chat

Explosion: why do we add that gremlin to our chat?

Sakura Futaba has joined the chat

Sakura Futaba has changed her name to I see all the butts

I see all the butts: YOU CAN’T DESTROY ME. I AM IMMORTAL!

Ponytails: and I will be retiring from this chat for the night. Shiho doesn’t need to see this.

Sparksfly: TELL SHIHO I SAY HI!

Ponytails: kaaay

[Kurusu Akira to Shinso Hitoshi]

Akira: hey Hitoshi, are you okay?

Akira: I know Futaba can be too much at times

Akira: but she means well.

Akira: let her know exactly how you feel about this and she’ll stop.

Hitoshi: I’m okay, thanks for your concern.

Hitoshi: I know she’s being a troll because it’s what she knows.

Hitoshi: I’ll privately ask her to stop later.

Akira: good, Mona says he’ll sit on her when we get there in July.

Hitoshi: don’t break your little sister, please.

Akira: no promises…ugh, I gotta go. Ichika Is calling me down for dinner. >_>

Hitoshi: just a few more months.

Chapter Text

May 10, 3:15 PM

The students of 3-A arrived home after class exhausted and hungry from a days’ worth of lessons and training. Most went to their bedrooms to drip their stuff off or change into loungewear. Midoriya turned the TV on and set his school bag down by the coffee table. He sat down and began to take his textbooks out. It was clear he wanted to get some homework done while listening to the news.

Sero, Kaminari sat on the couch opposite of Midoriya and pulled Shinso between them before he could think of joining the green-haired boy in homework. Bakugo rolled his eyes at them as Mina jumped on the three, making herself comfortable.

Todoroki sat beside Midoriya and got his homework out.

“The group chat has been quiet.” The duel haired boy states, “do you think they’re waiting for one of us to say anything?”

Midoriya shook his head, “no, they might be busy with school work. I think Kitagawa and Yoshimura have important competitions coming up, Akechi-San is probably busy with work and school…etc.”

“I suppose.”

“We interrupt this program to bring breaking news. The artist Madarame Ichiryūsai has died of a heart attack at the age of 69. Last year the older man has confessed to the plagiarism and abuse of his students for years during the incident with the Phantom Thieves of Heart. He is survived by his adopted son and former student Kitagawa Yusuke who was on…“

The room fell silent, all eyes on the TV as they watched the report.

“Oh no…” Aizawa's voice caused everyone to look at their teacher, Eri was holding onto his pant leg before Yaoyorozu comes over and ushers the girl to the couches.

Aizawa left the dorms in a hurry and everyone was automatically on their phones to message the group chat and making sure Yusuke was okay.

[My songs know what you did in the metaverse]

3:20

Feral on Main: I’m on my way home now! Yusuke are you okay?

Gremlin: d-do we need to come over? S-S-Sojiro is willing t-to close up early.

Queen: I’m a minute away! Please answer!

Noir: I’m stuck in traffic! But I’ll be there as soon as I can! Please talk to us Yusuke-Kun!

Skull: come on man! Don’t shut us out right now!

Panther: Shiho and I are buying a bunch of junk food! We’re staying the night if you like it or not! We refuse to let you be alone!

Slut: Mona and I are on our way now! No, I don’t care what you say about this matter! Guys wrap him in blankets and stuff him with Curry!

Fox:…

Fox:…

Fox: @Feral on Main you did it…

Fox: Didn’t you?

Feral on Main: What?

Fox: you. Did. It. Didn’t you?

Feral on Main: No! Why would I do that?

Fox: Because it’s what you do!

Fox: this is EXACTLY what you do!

Fox: you kill people because you’re either ordered to or don’t like that person!

Feral on Main: Yusuke, it’s been a year! You know as well as I do that I wouldn’t do something like that anymore!

Fox: LIAR!

Queen: Yusuke, please calm down. Blaming Akechi for this isn’t going to help.

Fox: I WILL NOT CALM DOWN! MY FATHER IS DEAD!

Feral on Main: Father? How could you call a man who stole and starved you for years your father? He was a monster who deserved what he got!

Fox: without him, I wouldn’t have the skillset I have!

Feral on Main: he was just USING you! Like every other adult in our lives have used us! While he was getting rich off the work your mother made and even the works you made. What did YOU get? Nothing but lies! While he went out to fancy meals he never brought anything back for you to eat! He refused to even acknowledge who you were until I stepped in!

Slut: ENOUGH!

Slut: THE BOTH OF YOU ARE JUST ANTAGONIZING EACH OTHER!

Creati:…Aizawa-Sensei is in his way now.

Deku: I think it’ll be best if you come over to the dorms for a bit.

Ingenium Jr: yes…that way you both can calm yourselves down.

Queen: that is a wise decision. Yusuke, please go with Aizawa-San.

Fox: I do not wish to go.

Yamper: I don’t give a fuck if you want too or not! You are all getting your asses over here and having a home-cooked meal!

Yamper: you're obviously in the wrong mindset and automatically latched onto the easier conclusion of blaming Akechi because of his past.

Yamper: and now Akechi is in the wrong mindset and if that bitch stays in that mindset, he’ll have a relapse.

Yamper: Futaba is probably having a panic attack because of this and ITS NOT GOOD FOR YOU TO BE ALONE.

Yamper: NOW PACK A FOUR DAY OVERNIGHT BAG AND GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE. THAT INCLUDES ALL OF YOU!

Yamper: EXTRAS SET UP THE FUCKING COMMON ROOM AND PICK SHITTY MOVIES.

Fox:…you cannot control me.

Noir: (╬ Ò ‸ Ó) Kitagawa Yusuke.

Fox:….

Noir: ＼＼٩(๑`^´๑)۶／／

Fox:… understood.

Red Riot: Okumura-Senpai is…huh…wow. Impressive.

Queen: I am at Yusuke’s and Akechi's apartment now. We’re packing up overnight bags for Yusuke, Akechi, and the Phantom Ferret. Yusuke’s making sure his Tarantulas are fed so he doesn't worry about them going hungry while no one’s here.

Feral on Main:…thank you Makoto.

Queen: you’re welcome. Oh, there’s the door. It seems Aizawa-San is here.

Queen: I’ll let everyone know when we are almost there.

Violet: hello! Sakura-San is bringing me and Futaba-San to the dorms now. Futaba-San is…shaking.

Elekid: we have everything set up and some heavy blankets ready! Kacchan is in the kitchen with Sato cooking now! Eri-Chan’s even ready for some good cuddles!

Fox:…thank you.

4:30

Queen: we will be there within a minute.

4:31

It wasn’t a surprise that Akechi and Yusuke refused to go near each other. Yusuke kept his eyes on the ground and barely spoke unless spoken to, Bakugo had to remind him that it was okay for him to eat and that the food was meant for him. Todoroki awkwardly patted both Yusuke’s and Akechi’s back before he made himself useful as a pillow for Futaba.

Shinso informed Aizawa that Akira's train would be arriving around eight, which meant Aizawa would have to pick him up.

Oh, and Sojiro gave them a few tips on what to do for Futaba. “I trust you guys; besides I don’t think she’ll accept me trying to comfort her right now.”

Before he left, he had placed a hand on Yusuke’s shoulder and gave a big squeeze. The blue-haired teen watches Sojiro leave with a frown before he turned to look at the others. Ann took his arm and rested her head on his shoulder.

“Bakugo made all this for you…please eat?”

“Thank you for the food, but I am not hungry.”

“Only eat when you're ready.” Was Bakugo’s reply. He gave Ann a nod before he went to the common area.

Hagakure and Phantom Ferret came were at the kitchen doorway, peeking in at the three. Bakugo would have missed her if it wasn’t for her clothes and the damn ferret.

He grabbed the back of her shirt and pulled her back. The girl struggled about and sent a glare to Akechi.

“Don’t start,” The older boy hisses. “I am fully aware of the shit storm that was. It just frustrates me that he’s going to act like that man was worthy of being called his father!”

“I understand how you feel.” Todoroki said, “Endeavor has been trying to right the years of abuse he’s inflicted on us since we were little. Apart of me wants to forgive him. Hell, he even admitted that the best way for that is by living in a different house. Do you think he would let us use his credit card for fun? He’s trying to slowly win us over.”

Everyone stared at the two-toned boy in awe.

“But the point is. People can still love their abusers and you shouldn’t force them to see the truth otherwise you will just push them away. Yusuke’s hasn’t even been away from the abuse for a full year before his death was dropped on him in such a public way. Give him time to mourn his father figure.”

Akechi let out a strangled noise but didn’t push on. Instead, he leans back in his seat, a pout on his face as he broods over the events. Aizawa watched all of them and motioned for Eri to stay with Shinso. “I’ll be back later."

By the time Aizawa arrived with Akira, the latter tackled Yusuke in a bear hug and pressed kisses to his face. Futaba wasted zero time joining the hug and cried her eyes out.

“C-can we a-all just a-agree that t-today was a shitty day!”

Akira runs his fingers through Futaba’s hair, offering her a kind smile while Yusuke tightened his grip around her. He buries his face in her hair and apologized for making her upset.

Morgana rubbed his head against Yusuke’s shoulder and looked at everyone. “Well, we’re all here. Shall we get the shitty movies started?”

Futaba hiccups and pinched Morgana's cheeks. “Leave it to Mona to move things along.”

Morgana let out a noise of distress as his cheeks were pinched. Akira gently pushed her hands away and moved to the group.

Shoji, who had been dubbed the best hugger in the group, was the one who pulled Yusuke into the spot next to him. The blue-haired boy automatically nuzzled into Shoji's side. Futaba pulled Akira to Todoroki's side.

From over her head, Akechi and Akira locked eye-contact and held it.

‘Fix this,’ Akira mouthed.

‘I will!’ Akechi replied.

Movies were distracting enough for everyone, but Yusuke grew bored and began to sketch halfway through the third movie that they picked. Homework had been tossed to the side for now. Along the way a few had been called out for hero work, Shoji's warmth remained by his side for an hour before he had to leave.

Todoroki joined Yusuke's side, as did Sero. The former somehow got the blue-haired boy to put his sketchpad away and together, they made a Yusuke sandwich. He allowed it, nuzzling closer to them. He found himself looking towards Akechi, who was between Haru and Makoto. Haru looked as if she was forcing Akechi to use her chest as a pillow while Makoto toyed with Akechi’s fingers.

Perhaps, Yusuke truly had jumped the gun with blaming Akechi for Madarame’s death and he had crossed the line by accusing him of murder. He just… the last time a family member had died was his mother and he had been fed lies about it for thirteen years! He just didn’t want to be lied to and told that his teacher had died from a heart attack when in reality it was a mental shut down.

He’ll ask for evidence that Akechi didn’t do it. If he’s innocent he should be able to provide it, right?

There was also the fact the media spoke of him, which meant things are going to be very tense for a while. Aizawa would keep a close eye on the situation as well and find out who was responsible for the name drop. This also meant he wouldn’t be able to compete in the art competition without a possible win being due to pity.

Over the course of the night, The Phantom Ferret had formed a bond with Eri and made himself comfy against her neck for some well-deserved cuddles, after that he tried to bond with Morgana, who easily kicked Phantom Ferret away. As everyone started falling asleep, the Ferret had wandered off somewhere else. Yusuke wondered how many thinks will end up missing by the time they wake up.

Bakugo was the first to wake up the next morning, he stared around the room blinking the sleep out of his eyes. Sometime during the night Yusuke and Akechi had moved closer to each other. There was an obvious space between them where Haru slept, but the two were holding hands non-the-less.

As Bakugo searched for his phone to take a picture, he came up with nothing.

“Where the fuck? Where the fuck is my phone and that fucking ferret?”

Akira woke up next and pat’s around for his fake glasses, he frowned when he came up blank. “My Son has sinned.”

It turned out that Phantom Ferret has stolen one to two things from everyone, hid them, and went to cuddle with Ryuji. The bottle-blond acted scandalized by Bakugo beaming the ferret for his missing phone.

Futaba, who also had her glasses stolen was siding with Ryuji on this!

“THE FERRET STOLE THEM!”

“No way! You’re just a little bitch who wants to blame my sweet baby boy!” Futaba exclaimed. Holding onto Ojiro's tail instead of the Ferret.

“Um, Futaba?”

“Shh, the adults are talking.”

Ojiro made a face and pulled his tail away. “That’s my tail."

Futaba huffed, “moving on! You have no proof it was Phantom!”

Yusuke watches them from his spot on the couch, a cup of coffee in hand as he tangled his legs together with Tokoyami's. Yusuke knew Phantom Ferret was guilty, but he didn’t want to admit it. Kouda also knew the ferret was the criminal behind this, but it’s always fun to watch the chaos.

“May I draw you?” Yusuke asked Tokoyami.

The older boy looked at him for a moment. Tokoyami watched Yusuke’s ears twitched as he waited for an answer.

“Can I pose however I see fit?”

“Of course.’

“I’m in.”

“Shall we retreat to your room?”

“You just don’t want to be around when Bakugo realizes you know who stole everything.”

“That is correct.”

“Very well, let’s us return to the darkness of my room.”

The two shared a look with Kouda who zipped his lip. They smiled and retreated to fled the scene of the crime.

[My Songs Know what you did in the Metaverse]

Yamper: KITAGAWA, WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU RUN OFF TO?

Yamper: YOU AND THE BIRD BITCH ARE THE ONLY ONES WHO LEFT. WHICH MEANS YOU KNOW SOMETHING!

Yamper: GET YOUR ASSES OUT HERE.

Tsukuyomi: I do not know what you speak of.

Tsukuyomi: Kitagawa and I are simply doing art.

Tsukuyomi: in my bedroom. Enter at your own risk.

Gremlin: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Violet: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Fox: Sends picture

Gremlin: IS THAT A SWORD?

Elekid: he put a stop to that before it could even begin.

Elekid: a legend.

Gremlin: anyways, I have decided what I want to do with the Panties!

Noir: oh?

Gremlin: obviously we are going to run around the school wearing them

Gremlin: but let’s use them as “this is my get along shirt’s

Noir: get along shirt?

Gremlin: Yeah! Like when two people are having an argument you throw them in the panties and BOOM! They both get embarrassing and arguments over!

Tailman: I do not see this working out well. I do hope you have bought multiple panties otherwise Bakugo will destroy them all.

Yamper: WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I’LL WEAR THEM EXTRA?

Invisible Girl: because even if we are in our third year. You still only get along with like a handful of people?

Yamper: FUCK YOU

Invisible Girl: see.

Red Riot: fools!

Cellophane: can't you tell? “fuck you" is just Bakugo for “I love you~”

Alien Queen: Bakugo is very aggressive with his love.

Tsukuyomi: by the way, considering your phone was stolen when you woke up and you have it now. Means someone has located it.

Tsukuyomi: which means there is no longer any means for you to remain angry.

Yamper: THE FERRET DID IT.

Fox: what evidence do you have that Phantom Ferret did it?

Yamper:…

Fox: I see, so you have no proof.

Yamper: …

Fox: and where did you find everything?

Elekid:… my bedroom.

Fox: in that case, the blame goes too Kaminari.

Fox: please do not blame my son for your friend's behaviors again.

Skull: *our

Fox: thank you Ryuji.

Fox: please do not blame OUR son for your friend's behaviors again.

Elekid: this is rude! I didn’t do shit! I was asleep for once!

Gremlin: I have proof! I took pictures of everyone sleeping!

Riddler: yeah, kid we gotta talk about this.

Gremlin: Nah

Queen: there is no. “Nah” in this Futaba. We will be deleting those pictures, or you will be sharing them here.

Gremlin: hnn, not ready to share yet. Maybe in a few weeks. For now, I see Akira’s knees exposed. Must eat.

Red Riot: HOLY SHIT SHE ACTUALLY JUST ATTACKED HIS KNEES

Red Riot: THAT WAS TERRIFYING!

Feral on Main: she once stated that “Kneecaps are a gremlins diet" and then attacked Ryuji’s and Ann’s knees.

Red Riot: how am I supposed to not just activate my quirk the moment she attacks!

Gremlin: knees…need more knees! Kirishima give me yo knees!

Red Riot: sorry, but no.

Gremlin: inaaari!

Gremlin: Inaaaari!

Gremlin: hey! Inari! I see that you’re online. Answer me!

Tsukuyomi: Yusuke says he is busy painting a dark masterpiece. Do not disturb him.

Gremlin: rude.

Gremlin: fine! Let’s go run around UA in giant panties.

Slut: I am so happy I get to be here for this!

Slut: LETS GO HEROES AND THEIVES, LET'S GO!

[Kitagawa Yusuke to Akechi Goro]

10:30 am

Yusuke: Goro.

Yusuke: I... know my actions yesterday were out of line

Yusuke: you have every right to be mad at me.

Yusuke: but I also want to be sure that you didn’t do it.

Yusuke: never mind I can’t aajdbdyfnsi

Yusuke: this is Tokoyami.

Yusuke: Yusuke’s apology is weak, and you deserve a proper apology in person.

Yusuke: but until that happens, we all will be in a better mindset if you provide evidence that you are not the cause.

Yusuke: also, if you haven’t eaten yet, I think there are leftovers from what Bakugo and Sato made. Please eat.

[Akechi Goro to Sakura Futaba]

Goro: I need you to pull up my phone’s location for the past month.

Futaba: is this the thing Yusuke and Fumikage asked?

Goro: did they tell you?

Futaba: no…I’ve been monitoring your guys chat for a while, to make sure everything is okay.

Futaba: I’ll have everything done for you in a few.

Futaba: I’ll send the data to you when it’s done.

Goro: thank you.

Futaba: no problem.

Futaba:…

Goro: yes?

Futaba: everything is going to be okay right? Yo…you’re not going to kick Yusuke out?

Goro: I will not kick Yusuke out.

Futaba: hnnn.

Goro: everything is going to be okay. I promise. I did not kill Madarame Futaba. If I wanted to, I would have done it years ago.

Futaba: I know! Okay, I’m going!

[My songs know what you did in the Metaverse]

Gremlin has changed the chat name to "Get Along Panties"

Gremlin: it has been due for a name change for a while now.

Elekid: pfft

Noir: lovely!

Slut: I’m so proud!

Froppy: Sends picture

Slut: I like how it started with us, and as we walked past B class, half of them joined and it just became a “let’s see how many people we can shove into panties until it rips”

Tentacole: it looks like you managed to fit maybe 30?

Invisible Girl: about that! I think It was funny that we got Naoto-Kun to join! His face was so red in the end!

Tailman: I feel like everyone in the back was suffering.

Cellophane: can we talk about how All Might, Present Mic, and Eraserhead took one look at us and just “noped" it out of there?

Slut: Uncle Shota left because not one, but both of his nephews were in it.

Uravity: I can't believe how quickly Ranpo-San got here after Sero sent him a message about it.

Slut: my bro has his priorities straight,

Earphone: we forced poor Mona into it as well.

Creati: he did seem uncomfortable, but it could have also been because Futaba-Chan was holding him.

Skull: Mona says “never again.”

Panther: oh no, I plan on putting you and Mona in that thing if you guys start random fights over the next few days!

Skull: don’t.

Panther: I’m also disappointed that Shiho was brave enough to join you guys.

Elekid:…why isn't Shiho in this chat?

Elekid: FUTABA GIVE ME MOD RIGHTS BACK YOU HOE.

Elekid: ITS BEEN WEEKS.

Ingenium Jr: I thought it was decided that you getting Mod rights back would be a sin?

Daddy Sugar: Midoriya, Momo, can I please have mod rights?

Creati: oh, oh sweetie no.

Deku: Todoroki, you are in the same boat as Kaminari.

Daddy Sugar: why is that?

Ingenium Jr: your username is Daddy Sugar.

Daddy Sugar: because Sato is Sugardaddy.

Sugardaddy: there’s a reason I’m never on this chat.

Cellophane: we don’t see a lot here actually.

Cellophane: I think the Phantom Thieves scared them off.

Noir: what a shame! Please come back! We don’t bite.

Noir: much.

Noir: (✿´ ꒳ ` )

Queen: most of us don’t bite.

Skull: Queen, Noir, Violet, and Crow are the dangerous ones in our group.

Skull: joker and Oracle are sins.

Skull: the rest of us are normal.

Skull: that’s a lie. Mona's a talking cat that can turn into shit, Fox is a freaking Kitsune that hates his fox theme and wants to draw weird shit. and Panther is secretly a pervert.

Skull: I am the normal one.

Panther: lies

Fox: I am offended by this! I wish to capture the true beauty of things!

Slut: I mean, I accepted the sin. But Futaba is cursed!

Froppy: speaking of Futaba-Chan, she’s been quiet. Do you think she’s okay?

Feral on Main: she’s with me and Shoji.

Feral on Main: please do not worry.

Froppy: that’s good to know.

Gremlin: Link

Panther: FUTABA

Noir: I have the sudden urge to swing an axe!

Creati: oh my.

Earphone: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?

Alien Queen: why?

Froppy: I’m scared to click the link.

Uravity: why is it so green and detailed?

Invisible Girl: why do you have this?

Risette: oh, Senpai had that once! He was very thirsty during its time with us.

Platinum Detective: I WILL DESTROY IT!

Queen has blocked Gremlin for 20 minutes

Deku has blocked Gremlin for 2 hours and 20 minutes

Slut has blocked Gremlin for 4 hours and 40 minutes

Creati has blocked Gremlin for 6 hours

Ingenium Jr has blocked Gremlin for 30 hours

Chapter Text

[Get Along Panties]

Gremlin has unblocked herself

1:20 A.M.

Gremlin: how rude!

Tailman: you sent a dick pic?

Gremlin: it wasn’t my dick!

Gremlin: I don’t even have one!

Gremlin: but if I did, I want a chariot for it.

Noir: I still have the mighty need to swing an axe!

Slut: curse.

Slut: listen, guys

Slut: I am only here for like 2 more days.

Slut: let’s do something wild!

Slut: LETS KARAOKE!

Elekid: because Karaoke is so wild?

Daddy Sugar: we could go hunting for the unknown.

Daddy Sugar: Mothman is out there somewhere.

Slut: Mothman? I know that bitch! He owes me money.

Skull: why don’t we go do a hold up on ‘em?

Panther: I’m sure we could give Mothman a change of heart and he’ll give us the money!

Noir: of course! I just need to hold my rocket launcher at him!

Daddy Sugar: o.o Midoriya, Midoriya!

Deku: why did you have to say that?

Deku: now he wants to meet Mothman.

Slut: I mean. I guess Mothman is real? Because like in the metaverse it’s mostly the world's cognitive and a lot of people think of Mothman, so boom, persona.

Creati: is…is the metaverse still around?

Slut: I mean. I can still enter the Velvet room in my dreams. Mine is usually a prison that I can walk around in, but sometimes I woke up other rooms that aren’t mine?

Slut: like last month I woke up in an elevator and instead of being greeted by Lavenza, I was greeted by a male elevator attendant? He said his name was Theodore and that I shouldn’t be there! I think he tried to T-pose me awake. When I asked what he was doing he said:

Slut: “I am trying to be intimidating. Is this not what the youth do in today’s world?”

Slut: I kind of laughed myself awake?

Slut: oh! And the other day I woke up in a car! The women there said her name was Margret and that I’m room hopping. Which happens but that I shouldn’t do it?

Slut: she was pretty, but with just one look I knew this woman would be able to kill me with a flick of her wrist.

Slut: I woke up and felt like I had just cheated on everyone just by being in the same room as her.

Crochet: Margaret? Platinum-blonde hair, pale skin, and golden eyes?

Slut: yeah?

Risette: unbelievably beautiful?

Slut:….yes?

Crochet: dressed entirely in dark blue with matching high heel shoes and uses black and golden accessories

Slut: yes!

Platinum Detective: DOES SHE CARRY AROUND A BLYE BOOK, ENTITLED “LE GRIMOIRE.” ?

Slut: I never got to see the name of the book, but yes.

Slut: how do you know all this?

Risette: we met her back in our first Year. She was the fortune teller at the culture festival and dragged us into Hollow Forest when Marie-Chan tried to k*ll herself.

Slut: oh. So, she’s Narukami-Senpai's attendant.

Slut: Narukami-Senpai is fancy bitch!

Daddy Sugar: Narukami-Senpai deserves the world.

Froppy: he worked hard to keep everyone’s spirits up.

Uravity: the way he swings his sword.

Crochet: I would let Senpai step on me.

Risette: same.

Platinum Detective: AGREED.

Yamper: LIKE YOU ARE WORTHY OF SENPAI'S BOOT.

Yamper: YOU’LL BE LUCKY IF HE EVEN LETS YOU CLEAN HIS SHOES.

Feral on Main: hey, can you guys, stop being thirsty over my brother, please?

Slut: if Senpai asked me to be-

Feral on main has blocked slut for 2 hours

Gremlin has changed the group chat to Thirsty for Yu

Gremlin has unblocked Slut

Gremlin: it’s what Narukami deserves.

Feral on Main: …

Riddler: I feel your pain. I hate it when Futaba thirsts over my dad.

Alien Queen: “Already, Vlad?”

Riddler: MINA

Elekid: anxywhxus

Cellophane: f8zbdush

Earphone: pfftf ahahaha

Red Riot: ahaha its back!

Panther: I wonder if it’s too late to return you guys for new friends

Skull: she never answered my question that day.

Queen: I’m sorry. What?

Gremlin: I suddenly forgot, Sojiro has asked me to wash our dog.

Queen: you don’t have a dog, nor are you at home. I am in the next room! I will be there soon!

Invisible Girl: sends video

Invisible Girl: Futaba just ate shit!

Invisible Girl: ahaha she got right back up and took off down the hall!

Tailman: she’s okay. Just took a dive.

Slut: don’t worry about her. Makoto will take care of it. Anyways! Creati!

Slut: I think how it is, is that the metaverse is always with us.

Slut: Margret said that a new wild card is picked whenever the world is coming to ruin.

Slut: she was surprised when another wild card appeared right after hers! She said there was at least a three-year gap between Senpai and those two wild cards from that time!

Creati: interesting.

Deku: how are wild cards picked?

Slut: I don’t know? I think we need tragic backstories!

Deku: why…?

Slut: well, Theodore told me a little about his and his sister attendants before he tried to T-Pose me. A set of twins who were involved in an accident that killed their parents.

Slut: they were sent from family members to family members before they finally arrived at their high school on scholarship.

Slut: eventually they died risking their lives to save our world but get no credit for it because no one even remembers it happened!

Slut: than we have Narukami-Senpai

Alien Queen: Narukami-Senpai

Slut: Mina, put the thirst on the back burner for now.

Alien Queen: oh…okay…um…sure.

Slut: so Narukami-Senpai, cool dude. Mr. Perfect, Mr. Top of his class, Mr. Anything you can do I can do better. Mr. Is my hair okay? I didn’t have time to style it. Mr. Everyone loves me.

Feral on Main; Kurusu!

Slut: right, sorry.

Slut: anyways. Narukami-Senpai has serious separation anxiety, which is something we all know. He confessed to us during the new year’s party.

Slut: senpai’s dad is Shido, and we all know how much of a bitch Shido is.

Feral on main: ┌( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)=ε/̵͇̿̿/’̿’̿ ̿

Slut: we know baby, we know.

Slut: anyways.

Slut: Senpai was the same case as Akechi, only his mom married, and they easily played if off with the step-Dad is bio dad's situation.

Slut: but his parents resented him for being a bastard child and just…did not pay much attention to him.

Slut: when he got into UA and made friends, he was all excited until the shit in our first year happened.

Slut: senpai almost killed a bitch and brought ruin to the world! But instead, we found out he’s a reincarnation of the god Izanagi and had to fight his “ex" in away.

Slut: somehow Senpai got a goddess to fall in love with him.

Slut: if that isn’t goals, idk what is.

Slut: now we are at me!

Slut: parents died when I was too young to remember. Foster parents wouldn’t let me see my big brother or Uncle Shota because they were scared they’d take me and they would lose the money that comes with me.

Slut: eventually they managed to legally adopt me, which is why I am now a stupid Kurusu.

Slut: I’m 16, heading home from work and I hear a woman crying out for help and no heroes or cops in sight.

Slut: so, I go to help, drunk tard trips over his foot and SUES A 16-YEAR-OLD KID BECAUSE HE WAS DRUNK AND TRIPPED OVER HIS FOOT

Slut: get kicked out of school, fired from my job, kicked out of my house, and shipped to my real home.

Deku: do…do you need a hug?

Skull: YES, HE DOES

Skull: GOD!

Skull: every time I AM REMINDED OF THAT STORY I GET SO EFFING ANGRY!

Creati: it is unfair. I’m sorry we didn’t have any way to help.

Slut: Nah, it’s okay! I am only traumatized and will never trust the police again!

Queen: hnn

Slut: the only cop I will trust is my wife Niijima Makoto!

Queen: better.

Skull: so, can we scream “fuck the police" before we have do the hanky panky?

Queen: I will destroy you if you do.

Skull: kinky.

Daddy Sugar: can I get in on that action?

Queen: no one is getting in on this action!

Cellophane: to be destroyed by Queen? What a way to go.

Uravity: the only proper way to go is by Queen.

Noir: amen!

Queen: guys stop!

Gremlin: ehehehehe, someone’s embarrassed~

Queen has blocked Gremlin for 30 minutes

Elekid: rip

Cellophane: no hesitation

Sluts: as it should be.

Sluts: OKAY, back to the ORIGINAL topic.

Sluts: let’s do something wild!

Sluts: who wants to get high with me?

Ingenium Jr: We are heroes in training!

Sluts: I said “fuck the Police" not even five minutes ago! Besides, you might be heroes in training, but you are dating a bunch of vigilantes!

Sluts: also, Uncle Shota smokes on the weekends.

Ingenium Jr: *gasp*

Elekid: I CALLED IT! BBY WHY DID YOU LIE TO ME?

Riddler: I can’t just out my dad like that? Besides, where do you think I get it from?

Risette: oh yeah. Uncle Hizashi lets me smoke with them when I’m super stressed after a tour.

Platinum Detective: I WILL ACT LIKE I DID NOT SEE THAT

Crochet: for the best

Anima: ఠ_ఠ

Risette: :3 don’t worry about it.

Slut: I love Risette, even tho she's not apart of this big ass Poly shit.

Risette: (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧ sorry, there are only two people here I would be willing to date, the others are older.

Slut: don’t worry fam, you don’t gotta explain to us.

Slut: so, Risette and Hitoshi are coming. Who else?

Riddler: I never agreed???

Slut: we both know you are going to smoke with me.

Riddler: I guess.

Elekid: hit me.

Cellophane: Ranpo called me a little bitch last time I turned it down, so I guess me.

Alien Queen: you let a tiny Asian boy call you a little bitch?

Cellophane: you try having said tiny Asian look you in the eyes and call you a “little bitch" and not feel scared.

Cellophane: A TINY ASS ASIAN WHO DOESN’T EVEN OPEN HIS EYES! HE JUST STARES INTO YOUR SOUL AND CALLS YOU A LITTLE BITCH!

Slut has changed Cellophane's name to Lil Bitch

Lil Bitch:…that’s valid.

Slut: that’s better.

Slut: so, we gave Rise, Hitoshi. Denki, and Hanta. Anyone else?

Noir: I wish to try it at least once.

Skull: sure.

Daddy Sugar: can I light it?

Slut: hell ya

Earphone: I’m down.

Froppy: …I guess I’ll try it as well.

Alien Queen: I saw Jiro coming, but Tsu????

Froppy: if sensei doesn’t see any harm in it.

Froppy: I’ve been curious about it as well.

Froppy: I’ll try some stuff once.

Earphone: let’s do it!

Gremlin: as much as I would be interested. Smoking tends to increase the chances of hallucinations.

Gremlin: while I understand that my mother’s death isn’t my fault.

Gremlin: I spent two years hallucinating that I killed her, and I really don’t want to bring that shit up again.

Gremlin: I’ll get snacks for you guys though.

Sugardaddy: I’ll make the snacks.

Gremlin: I’ll get Bakugo to make some snacks as well!

Yamper: FUCK YOU, I DO WHAT I WANT!

Red Riot: he says that as he makes his way to the kitchen.

Red Riot: he has a blanket with him as well.

Yamper: WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU SAKURA?

Gremlin: o.o um…um I am…I am um.

Uravity: she’s with me, Shinso, and Deku!

Uravity: we’re in the common room!

Yamper: FUCKING STAY THERE

Deku: I feel like I should go?

Yamper: LEAVE AND I’LL KILL YOU, GOT THAT?

Deku: o.o

Feral on Main:… I feel like I should go.

Gremlin: it’s the only thing you need 2 do is let me bite your ankles.

Feral on Main:… I rather you do not bite my ankles again. Last time you left a mark that wouldn’t go away for a while.

Gremlin: give!

Slut has changed gremlin to Ankle Biter

Ankle Biter: a worthy name for me. I’ll hack into anything and bite anyone of y’all losers’ ankles!!!

Ankle Biter: oh no! Kacchan has found me!

Ankle Biter: erk he looks like he’s going throw the blanket at me!

Uravity: Sends Picture

Froppy: awe, she looks like a bean!

Riddler: she cannot move.

Riddler: she is still demanding ankles though.

Riddler: a true gremlin.

Deku: kacchan has just stormed into the kitchen.

Uravity: but before that, he grumbled to Futaba that she “doesn’t have to feel guilty for something that isn’t her fault" kissed her forehead and stormed off!

Riddler: it was sickeningly sweet.

Sluts: a true hero Kacchan is.

Creati: he isn’t going to let you get away with this for long.

Creati: it’s a shame. I wanted to have a few more dates with all of you. =/

Slut: oh.

Slut: I want Momo dates and cuddles.

Slut: hey Momo, can we…can we cuddle for a bit? I wanna be a big spoon!

Creati: I don’t see why not?

Creati: there are ground rules for cuddles.

Creati: hands will remain where I can see them, they will not come near my chest or below my waist.

Creati: I usually like being the big spoon, but I will allow it this time.

Slut: WOO! I’ll meet you in the common room soon!

Creati: okay! ^-^

Riddler: Futaba requests that you bring Akechi with you.

Violet: Akechi-San is hiding with me outside the 3-A dorm right now! He says he really does not want his ankles bitten.

Slut: Shoji! Shoji help!

Tentacole: if I must.

Uravity: Futaba is cackling.

Fox: she does that.

Fox: the best way to deal with Futaba when she is like this is to allow her to do as she pleases.

Slut: its because Boss spoiled her.

Uravity: she stuck her tongue out at the phone.

Uravity: she is not pleased and says “watch your backs"

Uravity: omg, Mona just walked in, took one look at Futaba, said “as it should be" and walked away!

Riddler: Mona is a mood.

Slut: that he is! Momo I’m here!

Creati: I’ll be there soon.

Earphone: hey, so while you and Momo cuddle, should we get everything ready for later?

Slut: I can go out to my guy and get the goods.

Riddler: when you say “my guy" to you mean dad or Dazai-San?

Slut: yes.

Riddler:…

Fox:…Dazai-San…are you saying that MY brother is your dealer?

Platinum Detective: I CANNOT SAY I AM SURPRISED.

Slut: he is ex-mafia. I would be surprised if he wasn’t still doing some shady shit.

Slut: but no, oddly enough it’s my brother’s boyfriend.

Invisible Girl: isn’t your brother’s boyfriend Oda-Sensei?

Slut: (￣ω￣)

Ingenium jr: do all of our teacher’s smoke?

Deku: I can assure you; All Might does not smoke!

Elekid: Iida, are you telling me that you looked at Oda-Sensei and didn’t think “yeah, this guy is a stoner.”?

Lil Bitch: Oda-Sensei smokes regular cigarettes and weed, he has a smoke break at least every few hours.

Slut: Yeah, Ranpo makes a face every time but he likes the lingering scent on his clothes later. It’s weird.

Gremlin: oh? Like you are one to talk!

Gremlin: he sits at home when he thinks he’s alone and just smells his lounge clothes because they smell like Sojiro’s coffee and curry!

Slut: HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT!

Slut: WHY DID WE RELEASE THE GREMLIN!

Yamper: because she has to eat!

Gremlin: the app I installed on your phone last year is still there.

Slut: I thought I deleted it.

Gremlin: it’s there forever bby!

Slut: you are lucky Bakugo is next to you and I am cuddling Momo. Otherwise, you would be dead.

Gremlin: idk man, I feel like I am living my best life! Bakugo made me food, tentacles brought me Akechi who’s lap I have claimed, and Akira is slowly realizing he’ll never escape!

Uravity: sends pictures

Uravity: you got Akutaba in one photo and Akimo in another!

Slut: Akimo? No, it’s totally Momokira.

Uravity: hnn

Slut: this is Yaoyorozu, I took Akira’s phone away from him. He’ll have it back later.

Skull: looks like mom really wants some cuddles.

Riddler: it’s a cuddling type of day.

Riddler: I think, I’m going to try to take a nap.

Elekid: my room!

Riddler: okay.

Chapter Text

[Thirsty for Yu]

Skull: so, um...

Skull: has anyone seen the Phantom Ferret?

Skull: I swear he was chilling on my shoulder when we all gathered around like five minutes ago.

Skull: but I can’t find him!

Skull: do…do you think he ran away?

Skull: are we bad parents?

Skull: (;*△*;) what if he got tired of our parenting and decided to run away and join a gang?

Skull: I’m not ready for teenage rebellion just yet!

Skull: YUSUKE OUR SON DOESN’T LOVE US ANYMORE!

Fox: Ryuji, are you all right?

Skull: PHANTOM FERRET COME HOME! WE’LL DO BETTER!

Earphone: dbdibrxw

Earphone: I almost don’t want to tell him that PF is chilling with Mona on the beanbag chair.

Skull: (;*△*;)

Invisible Girl: I didn’t think Ryuji would be a crier.

Gremlin: same. But you know what, I bet he doesn’t feel the pain in his leg anymore.

Skull: what happened to my leg? Is it okay? O.o did someone steal my leg?

Fox: …

Fox: I am tired.

Fox: I’m going to bed now.

Panther: that’s rather surprising. Yusuke’s usually always awake until weird hours painting.

Fox: I am…drained, physically, and emotionally.

Fox: good night.

Ankle Biter: sleep tight Inari!

Ankle Biter: don’t let the Yamper’s bite.

Yamper: FUCK YOU.

[Sakura Futaba To Akechi Goro]

Futaba: sorry it took longer than planned! But here you go.

Futaba: sends an attachment

Futaba: he went to sleep now, but it should help for the morning!

Futaba: is…is it okay if we sleep together tonight?

Futaba: I feel like you’re pushing everyone away and I’m scared it’ll push you back to your old ways.

Futaba: I know I brought up mom earlier and…and I know you feel guilty about her death, but I swear I’m over it!

Futaba: well not really…but Haru and I both forgive you!

Futaba: so pls?

Goro:…

Goro: thank you, and I suppose.

Futaba: yay!

Futaba: your ankles are mine this time! Knees as well!

Goro: and I have suddenly remembered I have class now.

Futaba: D:

Goro: I’m kidding.

Goro: but do not bite me. I will destroy you.

Futaba: ( ͡⚆ ͜ʖ ͡⚆)

Goro: stop that.

Futaba: ( ͡⚆ ͜ʖ ͡⚆)

Futaba: ( ͡⚆ ͜ʖ ͡⚆)

Futaba: ( ͡⚆ ͜ʖ ͡⚆)

Goro: I am going feral.

Futaba: ( ͡⚆ ͜ʖ ͡⚆)

Goro: just…please…don’t bite me.

Futaba: fiiiiine

Goro: good gremlin.

[Thirsty for Yu]

2:45 A.M.

Deku: this has been an interesting night. I got to see Kacchan be extra soft, smoking has helped with my joint pain and I learned something new about everyone today!

Deku: I mean, I low-key knew Eraser and Mic smoked…but it was confirmed by Eraser's nephew.

Deku: everyone being so pretty…I love you guys so much.

Tsukuyomi: Midoriya.

Tsukuyomi: please go to sleep.

Deku: I would…but somehow, I ended up with Ann cuddling into my side!

Deku: sends picture

Deku: I’m smitten

Deku: why is everyone so pretty?

Deku: Haru is curled up in a ball with Tsu as well!

Deku: Makoto and Momo are spooning!

Deku: Akira is close to having his eye stabbed because of Mina's horn!

Tsukuyomi: that sounds fun.

Tsukuyomi: why are you still awake Midoriya?

Deku: insomnia acting up.

Deku: I’m surprised Shinso and Kaminari aren’t awake. They took a nap earlier.

Elekid: I’m fading.

Riddler: I rather read than watch Midoriya confession his love for everyone right now.

Deku: that’s fair, have a good night.

Ankle Biter: sends picture

Ankle Biter: Akechi sleeps in a manbun! Ima cut it off! Who has a knife?

Tsukuyomi: I don’t think he will like waking up to a haircut.

Ankle Biter: he wouldn’t give me his ankles or knees! The bun must go!

Deku: I have scissors.

Ankle biter: give.

Riddler: Midoriya no

Elekid: Midoriya yes!

Ankle Biter: Midoriya YES!

Deku: sadly, Ann is curled up into my side. So, I cannot being you them.

Ankle Biter: Weak!

Deku: <3

Ankle Biter: if not for Akechi being a freaking Koala, I would have slipped a way to find scissors or a knife long ago.

Ankle biter: seriously! He clings in his sleep! I cannot move that much!

Tsukuyomi: the curse of being the little spoon. You always get trapped by clingy big spoons.

Tsukuyomi: shoji will wrap himself around you and not let go.

Deku: Iida clings.

Riddler: kami is the little spoon 90% of the time, but when he is the big spoon he is the clingiest little shit ever. He’ll wrap his arms and legs around you and never let go.

Elekid: calling me out like this.

Elekid: on my own discord server.

Elekid: we’ll see if I invite you to my sweet 16.

Riddler: I would feel threatened if you weren’t turning 18 in June.

Elekid: don’t be upset when I turn 18 and you’re a 17-year-old baby!

Riddler: you are only two days older you little shit.

Elekid: a baby.

Ankle Biter: shouldn’t you be Electivire by now?

Elekid: do I look like an Electivire to you?

Elekid: no, I am an Elekid until the day I die.

Elekid: you can’t beat me or my level 100 Elekid! We’ll kick yo ass!

Ankle Biter: I’m soooooo scared

Elekid: as you should be.

Deku: look at these nerds.

Deku: I love them so much.

Tsukuyomi: hey, did anyone find Phantom Ferret?

Deku: um, I think?

Elekid: oh, little dudes chilling with me and ‘Toshi right now.

Elekid: he’s just jumping around.

Elekid: doing what ferrets do best

Riddler: he’s a cool little dude.

Deku: I’m glad he’s doing good and staying safe! I love him and I hope he knows it.

Riddler: He probably knows, most likely doesn’t give a damn. Ferrets do what ferrets do.

Elekid: He’s leaving my room now.

Elekid: Sends video

Elekid: He just shimmied himself out of my room.

Elekid: Be safe little ferret! It’s a dangerous world out there in the 3-A dorms.

Tsukuyomi: Please do not come to my room. Dark Shadow might try to eat you.

Deku: DON’T EAT PHANTOM FERRET!

Elekid: IF YOU EAT PHANTOM FERRET, YOU’LL HAVE AKECHI GORO AND KITAGAWA YUSUKE ON YOUR ASS!

Elekid: AND ONE OF THEM HAPPENS TO BE A FUCKING KITSUNE!

Tsukuyomi: I cannot control my demon when she hungers.

Deku: dfadjufuidhjfk

Ankle Biter: Rip Phantom Ferret….

Ankle Biter: Oh! Phantom Ferret has come to me! He’s so cute…oh no! He’s coming straight at me! He’s gonna claw at my face!

Ankle Biter: adjfjedhfjdsnfidbf

Ankle Biter: jr yppk ,u h;sddrd

Deku: Futaba?

Elekid: Oh god, he’s killed her.

Riddler:….Phantom Ferret is back and he has Futaba’s glasses.

Elekid: Bakugo’s going to yell “I told you so.” At all of us in the morning.

Deku: Totally.

Tsukuyomi: Yeah, Yusuke, Koda, and I knew the whole time.

Tsukuyomi: I can’t believe he got away with stealing one of my swords last time.

Ankle Biter: ld djakdfkdj

Ankle Biter: okdfmen

Deku: I wonder how long it’ll take before she goes to bed.

Elekid: Who knows.

Elekid: Phantom Ferret is on the move. Prepare yourself my friends.

Anima: It’s 3:30 a.m.

Anima: Please go to bed.

Anima: I’m tired of my phone blowing up.

Deku:…

Riddler: That’s fair. Good night…eh morning.

Elekid: I guess, good night everyone.

7AM

Yamper: YOU MOTHER FUCKERS

Yamper: I FUCKING KNEW IT WAS THE FUCKING FERRET!

Yamper: IM GOING TO KILL THE FERRET

YAMPER: BUT FIRST, I HAVE A FOX TO SKIN!

8AM

Feral on Main: Did…did you plot to cut my hair…?

Queen: my concern is that scream I just heard from downstairs?

Noir: It sounds like it was from Akira-Kun.

Lil Bitch: MINA JUST FUCKING STABBED AKIRA IN THE EYE WITH HER HORN! SHE STRETCHED AND MUST HAVE FOTTEN AKIRA WAS THERE AND JUST BOOM! RIGHT IN THE EYE!

Creati: Kirishima, Mina, and Midoriya are taking Akira to Recovery girl right now.

Skull: Joker down! Joker down!

Panther: Mina’s crying as she’s following them and apologizing.

Lil Bitch: Remember kids, this is why you let Mina be the big spoon or you make sure your eyes are not level with her horns.

Skull: Rip Joker.

Feral on Main: I don’t know, I think he deserved it.

Noir: Careful, or you’ll be next Akechi-Kun.

Feral on Main: I will take my chances.

[Sugar Daddies and Sugar Mommies]

Tea Queen: Everyone, I know it is still a way away. But Ojiro’s and Aoyama’s birthdays are coming up!

Tea Queen: What would be some ideas we could do for their birthdays?

Sadistic Princess: Aoyama-Kun likes sparkly things and French stuff, perhaps we can have a Paris themed party with lots of sparkles!

Sadistic Princess: As for Ojiro…hmm, he’s a very simple person. I don’t think he’ll like to have everything blown out of proportion.

Sobalover69: they’re turning 18 though. Don’t we have to go all out or something?

Zonic: We usually have home cook meals at home for our birthdays.

Tea Queen: A home-cooked meal. We do that often though. Perhaps we should take them out for a formal dinner?

Tea Queen: I would love to see them dressed up!

Sadistic Princess: we went to Destinyland for my “welcome to the Phantom Thieves” party, It won’t be hard to book the place for all of us!

Sadistic Princess: Of course, I’ll have to talk Akira’s parents into letting him visit for that though.

Sobalover69: I haven’t had the chance to attend Destinyland yet.

Sadistic Princess: Then it is settled! I’ll book a day in Destinyland! I’m planning now!

Tea Queen: Oh dear! Please don’t go out of your way to book it by yourself! I’ll help!

Sobalover69: I can help as well.

Zonic: Me too! We cannot let you pay for everything by yourself Senpai!

Sadistic Princess: Oh! You three are so sweet! Thank you!

Sadistic Princess: How about we do this, I’ll book it and you can just pay me back later?

Tea Queen: That will work.

Sobalover69: Just let us know how much we owe you okay?

Zonic: Thank you Senpai.

Sadistic Princess: :3

[Thirsty for Yu]

Ankle Biter: Now that I have my glasses back it’s all over for you fuckers!

Ankle Biter: sends pictures

Yamper: I’m taking away her phone.

Ankle Biter: NOOOOO

Creati: Forgive us Futaba-Chan, this is for your own good.

Ankle Biter: YOU’LL NEVER TAKE ME AL-

Lil Bitch: I can’t believe Bakugo and Yaomomo just killed Futaba.

Slut: How are we going to tell the boss that the class Yamper and goddess killed his daughter.

Yamper: FUCK YOU

Yamper has changed his name to Baddestbitch

Baddestbitch: better

Red Riot: Nope

Red Riot changed Baddestbitch to Boltund

Boltund: I will end you.

Boltund has changed Red Riot to Metapod

Metapod: Why?

Boltund: Because all Metapod can do is harden.

Elekid: Oooo

Metapod: D:

Lil Bitch: ahahahahah

Alien Queen: I can’t believe Bakugo.

Boltund has changed Alien Queen to Nidoqueen

Boltund has changed Lil Bitch to Leavanny

Boltund has changed Riddler Jigglypuff

Boltund has changed Elekid to Pichu

Boltund has changed Earphones to Loudred

Boltund has changed Skull to Shinx

Boltund has changed Panther to Glameow

Boltund has changed Ankle Biter to Elgyem

Pichu: REALLY? I liked Elekid =(

Jigglypuff:…..

Shinx: Why am I Shinx?

Glameow: I guess this works? But isn’t there a leopard or a panther Pokémon?

Leavanny: A bug? Did you make me a bug? Well, I guess it’s better than “Lil bitch.”

Nidoqueen: And yet I remain a queen!

Loudred: I’m okay with this.

Jigglypuff: Bakugo why?

Boltund: Because I can.

Pichu: Don’t worry bby, I think you’re a pretty Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff: ._. I hate all of you.

Uravity: I think it’s cute the Bakusquad became Pokémon.

Uravity: Dekusquad! Let’s become Pokemon as well?

Sugardaddy: I don’t want to copy Bakugo, we can think of another series to copy instead?

Deku: Digimon?

Froppy: I’m fine with my name now.

Sugardaddy: Bakugan Battle Brawlers.

Uravity: Bayblade!

Froppy: um, how about Yu-Gi-Oh?

Sluts: You’re going all out for this aren’t you? Have fun with that.

Ingenium Jr: I say we do not copy! Allow the Bakusquad to have this. The Dekusquad will come up with something else later when no one is expecting it.

Boltund: Can’t wait to see what you guys eventually come up with.

Jigglypuff: This isn’t seriously going to be my name for now on is it?

Jigglypuff: Guys, please!

Jigglypuff: Make me a ghost type! Like Duskull, or Banette! Anything but Jigglypuff!

Chapter Text

[Thirsty for Yu]

Elgyem: ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls! Inari!

Fox: that’s rude.

Elgyem: I’m a rude person

Elgyem: anyways! I can prove Akechi Goro is innocent of the death of Madarame!

Elgyem: sends files

Elgyem: sends pictures

Elgyem: sends audios

Feral on Main: wait, what audio clips did you send?

Feral on Main: Futaba pls, some of those are private!

Feral on Main: FUTABA DO NOT SHARE ANY FILES ON MY CASES!

Elgyem: hehehe

Pichu: how did you get all of this?

Tsukiyama: and in such a short amount of time?

Elgyem: hacker.

Elgyem: I know all your dirty secrets.

Elgyem: like I know how much Todoroki spends on everyone every day, I have videos of our resident edge lords being cinnamon rolls. And our cinnamon rolls being SINnamon rolls.

Tsukiyama: you know too much

Elgyem: hehehehe

Anima: (⊙_⊙)

Jigglypuff: what do you have on Koda?

Elgyem: if I tell you, I would have to kill you. :3

Slut: much fear for a smol gremlin

Elgyem: as it should be.

Can’t stop Twinkling: a blue and white blur has just ran past Sato and I.

Sugar daddy: I think it was Yusuke?

Feral on Main: which way di

Shinx: Akechi just died!

Glameow: rip Akechi.

Noir: shame. I wanted to be the one to end his life.

Violet: Okumura-Senpai!

Noir: I told you, Haru is fine.

Violet: sorry, Haru-Senpai.

Noir: it’s a step.

Daddy Sugar: Sends picture

Daddy Sugar: it seems they’ve made up.

Deku: Yusuke is apologizing a lot.

Uravity: it’s really cute.

Uravity: I kind of want to join in because those are some prime kisses Akechi's getting.

Daddy Sugar: sends picture

Daddy Sugar: Tsu just jumped in there?

Uravity: I’m going in.

Daddy Sugar: they have no fear.

Daddy Sugar: I love three idiots and a feral man.

Slut: I love how we all just agree Akechi is Feral man.

Feral on Main has removed slut

Queen has added Kurusu Akira to the chat

Queen has changed Kurusu Akira to Resident Dumbass

Resident Dumbass: first off, rude.

Resident Dumbass: second, I am top of my class in this stupid hick town of mine.

Resident Dumbass: third, I expected this from Akechi or Futaba. Not Makoto!

Queen: ヽ(´ー` )┌

Residents Dumbass: bby pls.

Resident Dumbass: is this about what happened the week before I left for home?

Resident Dumbass: ARE YOU MAD I DIDN’T GIVE YOU THE STUPID GIANT PANDA?

Queen has blocked Resident Dumbass for an hour

Queen: I don’t need this negativity in my life.

Feral on Main: I have fallen deeper in love with Niijima Makoto.

Queen: so, you say, but we all know you play Favorites with Yusuke.

Feral on Main: I have no clue what you mean.

Feral on Main: I have no favorites.

Elgyem: I smell a liar.

Shinx: I shit you not. During Makoto's sister’s palace, instead of asking Yusuke to carry stuff for him he made me do it.

Feral on Main: come on, you were able to handle it just fine!

Feral on Main: you could have said no.

Shinx: it was also when you were still planning to betray us and yea. I was kind of scared of ya.

Feral on Main: I understand.

Feral on Main: hey, it’s Uraraka. We’re tired of Akechi texting while we cuddle. Soooo. We’re gonna yeet his phone. Bye

Daddy Sugar: sends video

Nidoqueen: oh shit, she just yeeted that shit!

Deku: sends picture

Deku: the face of a defeated man

Jigglypuff: I wish I was that phone.

Boltund: Eyebags.

Jigglypuff: doggo.

Boltund: thin fucking ice.

Jigglypuff: it’s what I live for.

Pichu: sweetie pie. Pls.

Jigglypuff: @slut I need you to get your ass over here and collect your fucking gremlin sister from trying to eat my fucking pizza bites.

Jigglypuff: @slut

Jigglypuff: @slut I will end you.

Pichu: bby, bby Makoto blocked him.

Jigglypuff: and now my pizza bites are gone forever.

Jigglypuff: =/

Pichu: I’ll make you more later.

Jigglypuff: =)

Loudred: wait, you have pizza bites and you didn’t even bother to share?

Loudred: rude bitch

Jigglypuff: I share with Kami and Kami alone.

Pichu: He says that, but last week he gave Mina a chicken nugget because she showed him cat memes.

Jiigglypuff: Baby please, don’t tell my secrets.

Nidoqueen: :P

Shinx: you say that but I’m sure there are so many secrets in that mop of indigo hair.

Jigglypuff: my hair is full of insomnia and the sweet release of death.

Pichu: okay my little edgelord, let’s make you some more pizza bites.

Jigglypuff: Fuck ya.

Elgyem: Denki! Denki make me pizza bites as well!

Pichu: I suddenly forgot how to read Japanese

Elgyem: I’ll let him think I can’t read English.

Pichu: Thank you Gremlin.

Elygem: Anyways, Inari! Get your butt over to me! I did all the hard work! Don’t I deserve a reward as well? I demand a trip to Mementoes!

Fox: I am the one who must give the reward? I would assume it’s Akechi that should give you a reward.

Feral on Main: I didn’t add any “blocking.” When you sent the Mara picture.

Elgyem: Oh what? No way! I want a better reward than that! You wouldn’t even give me your ankles!

Feral on Main: I really do not want to give up my ankles to you. I would rather sell my soul to Satan before that happens.

Resident Dumbass: Yo, I can totally make that happen! You need Satan? I totally have him in my party right now!

Feral on Main: Oh, it doesn’t feel like it’s been an hour.

Resident Dumbass: I am back, and I am full of rage and Satan, so hey, Goro, want to sell your soul to me?

Feral on Main: I’d rather die.

Resident Dumbass: Mood

Jigglypuff: Mood

Pichu: Mood

Daddy Sugar: Mood

Tsukuyomi: mood

Risette: Mood

Elgyem: Mood

Invisible Girl: Do you guys want to talk about it?

Tailman: We’re all here to talk about it if you want…

Elgyem: Talking is for losers!

Resident Dumbass: Who needs to talk about your trauma when you have drugs?

Ingenium Jr: Akira, I know where you are right now. I will find you and I will make you speak about this drug addiction of yours.

Resident Dumbass: Tenya, Tenya baby! I swear it’s just a joke! I don’t have a drug problem!

Metapod: A likely story.

Resident Dumbass: Eijiro, Eijiro baby! I swear it’s all just a joke!

Metapod: So, you say, but we all know all know how you tend to treat your jokes.

Resident Dumbass: I swear it’s only a joke! I am called Joker you know!

Ingenium Jr: Fellow date mates! I have decided we are going to form a support group for everyone who just said “mood”

Feral on Main and seven others’ have left the group chat

Ingenium Jr: Oh no!

Ingenium Jr has added eight people to the chat.

Ingenium Jr has changed eight usernames.

Jigglypuff: Iida why, why did you give us the same names?

Feral on Main: My one chance of getting rid of this one name. What a shame.

Eglyem: You have the power to change your own name.

Feral on Main: If I do that one of you will just give me a shittier username.

Icyhot: I personally like my username.

Icyhot: Oh wait.

Icyhot: Iida why?

Ingenium Jr: I couldn’t bring myself to type out that name,

Icyhot: This is…original.

Boltund: HEY, FUCK YOU ICYHOT

Elgyem changed Icyhot to Pokeball

Pokeball: Rude

Pichu: I’ll let you catch me any day Pokeball~

Pokeball: I literally had to catch you during training last week.

Pichu: And I value you for it!

Shinx: Kami is a light bitch; anyone can pick him up.

Glameow: You want to know who’s light and doesn’t look it?

Shinx: Akechi,

Feral on Main: What do you mean by that?

Glameow: it’s just that you look like you’d at least be a challenge for some people, like me or Yusuke to pick up, but I can just barely lift you and I’ve seen Yusuke carry you bride style before.

Fox: It is fun picking Akechi up. He complains and curses and becomes feral.

Shinx: lol, I remember having to save his ass from a bunch of fans last year! I grabbed him by the shoulder and belt and yeeted him out of there!

Feral on Main: Thank you, I was trying to forget that time.

Shinx: *Finger guns*

Pokeball: I am still waiting on the day Ryuji picks me up and throws me over his shoulder.

Pokeball: I would also accept Haru and Makoto to do it.

Queen: I do like a man who can admit that they want to be manhandled by me.

Noir: I too am happy you think of me when you say that! I’ll be sure to throw you over my shoulder later!

Pokeball: Thank you.

Noir: (◕‿◕✿)

Deku: I guess it’s not special when I do it anymore.

Pokeball: Sorry bby, you’ve done it since, first year. It’s old.

Deku: No, no, I get it. I get it! I to, want Makoto and Haru to pick me up and throw me over their shoulders.

Noir: <3

Queen: Thanks.

Pokeball: Any time.

Elgyem: Is it thirst for our power houses hour?

Resident Dumbass: I’m ashamed all of you are ignoring that Kanji and Yusuke could also throw everyone over their shoulders and probably bench press them.

Crochet: Pls don’t drag me into this.

Fox: I would rather work on my art.

Tsukuyomi: As much as I love all this talk of people who could lift us up, but I’m going out for work soon. Do I need to pick anything up tonight?

Risette: If you could stop at the General Studies dorms with some ice cream and extra candy, that would be great!

Violet: Are you feeling all right Risette-Senpai?

Risette: Risette-Senpai

Crochet: Don’t encourage her.

Risette: Encourage me!

Risette: Also, I’m fine, it’s just that time of the month and I want ice cream, candy, and cheesy romance movies!

Risette: I’m making Naoto-Kun and Kanji-Kun join me!

Risette: I would love it if it was only Yu-Senpai here with me though.

Risette: We would watch a scary movie. I would pretend to be scared and nuzzle up close to him.

Risette: He would be a gentleman and put his arms around me and hold me close.

Risette: senpai would whisper into my ear that everything would be okay, and I’d look up at him with “fear” in my eyes.

Risette: “Senpai…” I’d whisper when we make eye-contact and slowly realize the distance between us is closing.

Risette: Once our lips touch, we’d pull back with an embarrassed laugh, but the moods been set.

Risette: We’d kiss again and…

Feral on Main: I am going to stop you there.

Pichu: Guys, Rise is being horny on main again!

Resident Dumbass has changed Risette to Horny on Main

Horny on Main: RUDE!

Feral on Main: What’s rude is thirsting after my brother!

Horny on Main: The chat’s name is literally “Thirsty for Yu” I am justified!

Crochet: The only problem with your fantasy, is that Senpai’s already in a relationship and I don’t think he has it in him to cheat?

Platinum Detective: CONSIDERING HOW HARD IT TOOK THE TWO OF THEM TO REACH THIS STAGE, I WOULD BE DISAPOINTED IN SENPAI IF HE DID CHEAT.

Feral on Main: If he did cheat, I would make it my personal job to kill him for it. I’ll make him just as bad as our father.

Feral on Main: Might I remind everyone, Shido managed to have three sons with three different women within the same year.

Feral on Main: It makes me worried one of us will end up like him in that sense.

Horny on Main: Oh…I’m sorry I forgot about that.

Horny on Main: Please forgive me…but wait! You also have like 30 bf and gfs?

Feral on Main: for your information, I have 18 boyfriends and 13 girlfriends.

Feral on Main: They’re also with consent!

Horny on Main: wait, 18 boyfriends and 13 girlfriends?

Crochet: That’s some game.

Resident Dumbass: Why aren’t our last three boos not here?

Glameow: I did ask if we could add Shiho like four days ago?

Resident Dumbass has added Togo Hifumi, Mishima Yuuki, and Suzui Shiho

Resident Dumbass has changed Togo Hifumi to Shogi Queen

Resident Dumbass has changed Mishima Yuuki to Phanboy

Resident Dumbass has changed Suzui Shiho to Deserves the World

Fox: Hifumi! Hello! How are you doing today?

Shogi Queen: Um, I am fine, but um what is this?

Shogi Queen: Who is everyone?

Resident Dumbass: It’s me! Akira!

Shogi Queen: Oh! Yes, I can understand with the name, but also it confuses me. Why is that your name?

Resident Dumbass: Makoto.

Shogi Queen: I see.

Resident Dumbass: Everyone introduce yourselves!

Can’t Stop Twinkling: Bonjour mon cher, I am Aoyama Yuga.

Nidoqueen: I’m Ashido Mina, but you can all me Mina! It’s so nice to meet you all! Well, I think I’ve meet some of you before but it’s always nice to reintroduce myself!

Froppy: Asui Tsuyu, but please just call me Tsu.

Ingenium Jr: My name is Tenya Iida, please try to behave yourselves in this chat, though I can’t say much considering we are in the process of forming a support group for our depressed members.

Resident Dumbass: We’ll see about that baby.

Uravity: I’m Uraraka Ochaco!

Pichu: Tis I! Kaminari Denki! Please give me all your love and affection!

Metapod: Kirishima Eijiro!

Anima: Kouda Koji! It’s nice to meet you! (=`ω´=)

Tentacole: And like that Kouda is gone.

Tentacole: I’m Shoji Mezo.

Sugardaddy: The names Sato Rikido, I don’t like my name.

Loudred: Jiro Kyoka, music is my thing and I have to say, it’s nice to finally have Togo-San in the chat, I’ve been meaning to ask her out to a concert or to listen to music together sometime~

Leavanny: Sero Hanta’s the name, tapes my game!

Leavanny: Oh, I don’t think that came out how I wanted it to.

Tsukuyomi: It did not.

Tsukuyomi: My name is Tokoyami Fumikage, I’m currently at work…Hawks says hello.

Invisible Girl: my names Hagakure Toru! My name does end up telling you what my quirk is!

Boltund: Bakugo Katsuki.

Deku: I’m Midoriya Izuku, Welcome to the group chat!

Creati: I’m Yaoyorozu Momo! Welcome to the chat! I hope we can get along and I can’t wait to share some tea with you all!

Jigglyuff: I am Shinso Hitoshi, I’m dating everyone but Akira and Futaba.

Crochet: Tatsumi Kanji, I’m in 2-B, not dating any of them and still trying to wonder why I am here.

Horny on Main: I am Kujikawa Rise! It’s nice to meet you! Please don’t ask for any autographs or photos~

Platinum Detective: MY NAME IS SHIROGANE NAOTO, I AM YUSUKE’S TWIN.

Shinx: Sakamoto Ryuji.

Glameow: Takamaki Ann.

Fox: I am Kitagawa Yusuke

Queen: Niijima Makoto. I do hope everyone’s doing their homework and focusing on their studies! Entrance exams and hero exams are just around the corner!

Elgyem: I’m Sakura Futaba! You’re all required to give me your ankles!

Noir: I’m Okumura Haru! Welcome!

Feral on Main: Akechi Goro, do not give her your ankles.

Violet: Yoshizawa Sumire. It’s an honor to meet you all!

Phanboy: Wait…Niijima-Senpai, Okumura-Senpai and both the second and third detective princes are here…and one of them happens to be twins with Kitagawa?

Uravity: WHY DID YUSUKE JUST GROWL?

Froppy: She’s asking a serious question. Yusuke just growled.

Shogi Queen: hehe.

Deserves the World:….

Deserves the World has changed her name to Edgymaster96

Edgymaster96: (´• ω •`) ♡ this is better.

Glameow: Why do I have a bad feeling about this?

Shinx: I’m having war flashbacks.

Pichu:…can we…can we not bring the past up? I’m traumatized after all.

Edgemaster96: ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶

Edgymaster96 has changed Shinx to flash

Edgymaster96 has changed Glameow to Barbie

Edgymaster96 has changed Pichu to Denkey

Denkey: SHIHO!

Flash: it’s been four years! Why are we bringing up the past?

Barbie: Suzui Shiho, who’s that? Never heard of her. My only middle school friends here are Denki and Ryuji.

Edgymaster96: Hehehe.

Jigglypuff: Denkey?

Denkey: Ryuji picked it!

Barbie: You really won’t believe it but looking at Denki you wouldn’t think he used to be a super shy kid who didn’t know what a meme was until he met us.

Denkey: Don’t sell me out please? I don’t want to relive those dark times.

Barbie: “Big bro I’m scared.”

Flash: “Pick me up!”

Denkey: (╯°益°)╯

Denkey: Fight me hoes!

Pokeball: Denkey…I like that.

Denkey: (♡˙︶˙♡)

Chapter Text

[Thirsty for Yu]

Resident Dumbass: Okay guys! My train for the countryside leaves within four hours and big brother has demanded that I come to the agency for two of those hours.

Resident Dumbass: So, I am taking my tall ass man Sero with me to the Armed Detective Agency.

Resident Dumbass: I demand my Phantom Thieves come with so that it’s easier for them to go home and not have to leave UA.

Flash: But UA’s closer to my place than the agency.

Resident Dumbass: I’m sorry, let me rephrase myself.

Resident Dumbass: my Phantom Thieves are coming with me to the Agency, so I do not have to separate from them right away.

Barbie: looks like we have no choice.

Fox: I need to locate The Phantom Ferret first.

Phanboy: Phantom Ferret?

Fox: (`皿´＃)

Phanboy: ?

Flash: Phantom Ferret is the name of the Ferret Yusuke and I adopted.

Flash: he lives with Yusuke and Akechi sadly, but it’s all good. I help pay for food and bedding and shit.

Anima: I have Phantom Ferret!

Fox: wonderful! I am on my way to get him now!

Boltund: don’t let it have free roam of the fucking dorms!

Shogi Queen: Yusuke-Kun, has shown me a picture of the Phantom Ferret. He is very adorable.

Edgymaster96: he loves to cuddle during the day. At night he likes to steal stuff.

Edgymaster96: he somehow stole a sword from Tokoyami.

Shogi Queen: a sword?

Tsukuyomi: yes, I have swords in my bedroom.

Shogi Queen: I wish to meet him in person soon.

Shogi Queen: oh my, it seems I must go now.

Fox: I’ll bring Phantom Ferret to the park Sunday.

Shogi Queen: I look forward to it.

Shogi Queen: goodbye for now.

Flash: wait, I thought I was getting him Sunday? Are you using our son to pick up chicks?

Fox: never!

Fox: why would I use him to pick up chicks?

Fox: they would peck at him.

Denkey: no…no Yusuke, Ryuji means picking up girls.

Fox: I have no intention of doing that.

Fox: I am very happy with my girlfriends as is. I do not wish to add another any time soon.

Barbie: I said it before. Yusuke is a pretty boy.

Queen: but his personality can be a major turnoff.

Loudred: sends video

Creati: his ears did a cute little twitch in confusion!

Loudred: I’m in love!

Fox: thank you?

Resident Dumbass: yes baby, thank you works.

Resident Dumbass: got Phantom Ferret?

Fox: I do. He is curled up in my pocket!

Tentacole: wait…is that my jacket?

Fox:…no?

Tentacole: I thought Fumi stole it.

Tsukuyomi: I do not know what you are talking about.

Fox: neither do I.

Feral on Main: this is a lie.

Flash: major lie.

Noir: I must agree.

Elgyem has changed Tsukuyomi to Jacket thief 1

Elgyem had changed Fox to Jacket thief 2

Feral on Main: an accurate name for both.

Jacket thief 1: rude

Jacket Thief 2: I dislike this.

Elgyem: suffer Inari!

Creati: sends voice clip

Phanboy: he’s growling!

Edgymaster96: he’s cute when he growls.

Pokeball: sends picture

Pokeball: Akira, Morgana doesn’t look like he wants to leave my side anytime soon.

Resident Dumbass: my cat has betrayed me for the human heater

Pokeball: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Leavanny: Morgana stole my spot =/

Pokeball: sorry baby, so…you want to take my right side?

Leavanny: no, it's fine, Akira’s still making me take him to the agency after all.

Leavanny: that warmth is mine when I get home!

Elgyem: I am ready to go! Sojiro’s curry will be waiting for me!

Barbie: I guess, oh, but Toru kisses are so nice.

Invisible girl: :3

Edgymaster96: Ann getting Toru kisses, while I managed to get some Yaomomo kisses earlier.

Creati: :3

Flash: you want to know who has some amazing kissing skills?

Deku: Aoyama.

Ingenium Jr: Aoyama.

Jacket thief 1: Aoyama.

Nidoqueen: Aoyama

Metapod: Aoyama.

Pokeball: Aoyama.

Creati: Aoyama.

 Resident Dumbass: Aoyama.

Can’t Stop Twinkling: will you all stop? You're making me blush!

Deku: Good

Elgyem: I have yet to get Aoyama kisses.

Can’t Stop Twinkling: you scare me as much as Bakugo does.

Elgyem: ∑(O_O;)

Elgyem: for real?

Flash: take a shot.

Elgyem: oh shit.

Ingenium Jr: no alcohol!

Flash: it’s a shot of water!

Ingenium Jr: good.

Resident dumbass: it is supposed to be water? I’ve been doing straight vodka.

Ingenium Jr: (`ー´)

Ingenium Jr: I am leaving you

Resident Dumbass: w(°ｏ°)w

Metapod: Iida out here, breaking hearts like a villain.

Ingenium Jr: not at all.

Metapod: so he says.

Resident Dumbass: it's fine, I’ll just have to re-start his heart.

Ingenium Jr: Won’t work a second time

Resident Dumbass: just you fuckers wait. Summer break all of you will be spoiled!

Boltund: bold of you to assume we won't spoil you first

Resident Dumbass: Σ(°ロ°)

Resident Dumbass: I love you!

Resident Dumbass: also, are y’all ready? I wanna go.

Feral on Main: yes, we’re ready.

Resident Dumbass: see ya later!

[Let Kunikida Rest]

Atsushi: I’m just saying, the only Valid Akutagawa is Akutagawa Gin.

Atsushi: she’s pretty, she’s smart, can easily kill me in my sleep and I’m like 90% sure she’s acting as my sugar mama?

Atsushi: like, I can just look at something once and the next day, boom, it’s at my dorm in a pretty package!

Osamu: I mean, both Akutagawa siblings are like this.

Osamu: when we were younger. I took Akutagawa and Gin out to buy supplies for their apartment and when Gin expressed she liked something. Boom. It was bought with Akutagawa’s first paycheck.

Atsushi: so, it’s just an Akutagawa thing?

Akiko: I think It’s cute. Please continue Atsushi.

Atsushi: I will!

Atsushi: last week we met during a job and so we acted like we didn’t know each other.

Atsushi: she easily kicked my ass, pinned me to the wall, asked me out to dinner, and then preceded to knock me unconscious.

Atsushi: I think I’m going to ask her to marry me.

Kyouka: please don’t.

Osamu: do it!

Sakunosuke: if you ask her to marry you, Akutagawa Ryuunosuke will be your brother-in-law.

Yosetsu: senpai, please think this through.

Yosetsu: do you really want to marry a “villain”?

Atsushi: I do.

Atsushi: I think I would 100% die for her.

Hanta: hey, I’m on my way with Akira and the others.

Hanta: he demands the others come so we have the Pts and Shiho.

Hanta:… did I just interrupt something?

Ranpo: Atsushi is just being a pathetic love-struck cat.

Hanta: so, nothing new? Cool.

Hanta: we’ll be there shortly.

Yosetsu: oh, we’re we supposed to come in today?

Sakunosuke: no, something happened within the Phantom Thieves and so everyone sort of stayed with 3-A for the past four days. Aizawa allowed it.

Hanta: yeah, I knew Yusuke had Stockholm syndrome, but like, he straight up blamed Akechi because of a heart attack. Man, it was wild. I've never seen them both snap at each other?

Yosetsu: Kanji told me the chat was wild.

Hanta: they made up yesterday because of Futaba

Ranpo: sometimes teenagers are dramatic.

Akiko: you shut your mouth!

Akiko: Mr. Dramatic bitch!

Ranpo: I can do what I want. I am the queen of drama

Osamu: :D hell yeah!

Naomi: Ranpo-San just likes to cause drama and watch it unfold from the safety of his desk or Oda-San's lap.

Ranpo: of course! It's fun!

Junichiro: the topic has strayed from Atsushi confessing he wanted to marry a Port Mafia member?

Osamu: if that isn't a mood, idk what is?

Osamu: OH! I realized, my adorable little brother will be here soon, and I can threaten Goro-Chan! :D

Doppo: we talked about this.

Ranpo: he’s right. We did!

Akiko: if you threaten Akechi for dating Yusuke, you have to threaten everyone else.

Ranpo: including Akira.

Osamu: if I threaten Akira, you’ll smack me upside the head?

Ranpo: truth

Kenji: sends picture

Doppo: Kenji, where did you find that cow?

Kenji: she followed me home!

Kenji: can I keep her?

Doppo: no

Ranpo: yes

Kenji: ??? Mom says no, but big brother says yes.

Doppo:…

Osamu: sicywfjsodn

Ranpo: HE SAID IT!

Kyouka: rip Kunikida-San

Doppo: I am tired.

Hanta: this is Akira. Lol. Iida said the same thing about me earlier!

Ranpo: what did you do you, little shit?

Hanta: I talk about drugs, suicide, and taking a shot of vodka every time “for real" is said.

Osamu: oh shit, suicide is great, I got the new volume to my suicide guide.

Yosetsu: guys, please. We’re supposed to be “heroes”

Ranpo: lol heroes.

Ranpo: I just wanna be gay and solve crimes.

Osamu: I remember my mafia days.

Osamu: dark times.

Kyouka: same.

Sakunosuke: dark times indeed.

Osamu: the only good thing about the Mafia was Chuuya.

Osamu: them legs could kick down a castle

Osamu: and the castle will thank him.

Atsushi: sends picture

Atsushi: Dazai-San has a dreamy look on his face.

Hanta: still can’t believe The Kitsune siblings have a type.

Hanta: men who could kill them.

Osamu: oh yeah, I would accept death by Chuuya any day.

Hanta: sends picture

Hanta: Yusuke is judging

Ranpo: WHAT IS THAT!

Ranpo: sends picture

Hanta: that’s the Phantom Ferret

Ranpo: love him.

Osamu: no

Osamu: burn it.

Yosetsu: How come you didn’t bring him to visit us earlier?

Hanta: next time. PF has been causing chaos throughout the dorm.

Hanta: we’re getting off the train soon.

Sakunosuke: I’ll pick you guys up

Hanta: nice

Ranpo: when you get back, I demand ferret cuddles!

Hanta: I don’t know if Yusuke and Ryuji will give him up? They love their ferret.

Hanta: Goro as well.

Hanta: see

Hanta: sends picture

Hanta: Yusuke sent that when they got him. It took maybe a few hours for Goro to fall.

Osamu: traitor!

Osamu: burn the thing! It’ll just steal your food and the things you love most!

Akiko: I feel like there’s a story behind this?

Doppo: whatever it is, I don’t want to hear it.

Doppo: also, the ferret is staying in the jacket or bag. It’s not allowed to run around the office.

Junichiro: I’m a bit worried about the story behind this as well.

Kyoka: I want to hear the story.

Kyoka: if it can be used to kill a Kitsune, I am curious.

Atsushi: Kyoka…

Kyoka: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Hanta: I can tell you Yusuke’s weakness!

Hanta: he hates summer because of his ice-related powers. He’d rather stay inside most of the time during summer or at the beach in the ocean.

Hanta: Yusuke just hit me for saying that!

Kyoka: I’ve had no reason to target Kitagawa until now.

Hanta: pls don’t hurt my boyfriend.

Kyoka:…

Kyoka: he’s off the hook for now.

Kyoka: but he’s on thin ice though.

Hanta: omg.

Yukichi: shouldn’t everyone be working?

Yukichi: also, I know for a fact all of you are in the same room besides Sero, Awase, and Oda.

Ranpo: you want us to speak to each other?

Ranpo: like face to face?

Hanta: lol, Nah, ima smack Ranpo the moment I see him!

Ranpo: get your ass off Hanta's phone Akira!

Hanta: if I want to steal my boyfriend's phone and plot to smack my brother, I fucking will

Ranpo: a challenge has been issued.

Ranpo: be prepares to get your ass handed to you, little brother.

Hanta: just you wait you little bitch.

Hanta: I will end you.

Ranpo: we’ll see.

Osamu: is this how normal siblings interact?

Osamu: I think its because I grew up without my siblings but I never want to smack Yusuke or Naoto.

Ranpo: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Hanta: I didn’t grow up with any siblings either and yet something about Ranpo makes me want to deck him in the face?

Ranpo: mood

Doppo: trust me. Ranpo-San has the Cain instinct towards me.

Sakunosuke: we’re outside the building now.

Hanta: betrayed! How am I supposed to get the upper hand if you tell them!

Yosetsu: this is a wild ride.

Yosetsu: my money is on Ranpo-San by the way!

Osamu: for sure.

Doppo: Akira hasn’t managed to land a hit on Ranpo in a year. He isn’t going to land one this time.

Hanta: Sends video

Yosetsu: EAT SHIT KURUSU AKIRA

Akiko: I wonder if that broke his arm.

Akiko: (★ω★) I do want to be his doctor and great his wounds.

Atsushi: he’s fine. He’s walking it off.

Chapter Text

[Thirsty for Yu]

May 28, 7:30 am

Resident Dumbass: SURPRISE BITCHES I LIVE!

Edgylord96: welcome back from the land of the dead!

Pichu: bro, you’ve been MIA for like the whole month of May?

Tailman: yeah, we were worried you would miss our birthday party. I’m pretty sure our rich date mates are planning shit.

Resident Dumbass: I’m so sorry! The moment I got home my phone was taken away and I was grounded.

Resident Dumbass: well, really, I had an option, be grounded for basically a month, or not return during summer vacation. So, I picked grounded.

Resident Dumbass: but now I have my freedom and some extra cash in my pocket.

Pichu: explain?

Resident Dumbass: I might not have had my phone for the past month, but that didn’t stop me from working every single day.

Resident Dumbass: also, you should be getting some packages soon.

Tailman: you didn’t have to get us anything.

Can’t Stop Twinkling: oui, il a raison.

Can’t Stop Twinkling: you coming to visit during the summer will be the best gift!

Resident Dumbass: I guess you don’t want the shiny thing I sent you.

Resident Dumbass: fine, just send it back.

Resident Dumbass: see if I care.

Can’t Stop Twinkling: …

Can’t Stop Twinkling: if it's shiny.

Ferret Lord: SHUT UP AND GET READY FOR SCHOOL YOU FUCKING LOSERS.

Resident Dumbass: I’M SORRY WHAT IS YOUR NAME?

Art hoe: Katsuki came to visit and PF spent the whole time cuddling him.

Resident Dumbass: ART HOE

Resident Dumbass: well, it does fit.

Art Hoe:…believe it or not. Akechi did it.

Detective Bitch: I did.

Resident Dumbass: omg…I missed so much?

Detective Bitch: you did.

Bunny: I was wondering where you were.

Bunny: welcome back.

Resident Dumbass: who?

Leavanny:…

Ace Detective: WELCOME YOU LITTLE BITCH!

Ace Detective: I KNOW ALL OF YOUR SECRETS NOW.

Resident Dumbass: RANPO!

Resident Dumbass: WHY IS HE HERE?

Leavanny:…Sorry

Leavanny: he made me.

Resident Dumbass: BETRAYAL

Art Hoe: he tried to steal my ferret and Tarantulas.

Ace Detective: hey, hey Akiaki, are you ready for something cool?

Resident Dumbass: no

Ace Detective has changed Resident Dumbass to Meinu

Meinu: suck my dick.

Ace Detective: pass.

Meinu has changed Ace Detective to Prostitute

Prostitute has changed Meinu to Bitchfacedwhore

Bitchfacedwhore: BITCH

Prostitute: SLUT

Tigerboy: siblings are terrifying.

Pokeball: how’s Gin?

Tigerboy: sends picture

Tigerboy: she stayed over last night and ended up braiding Kyoka's hair!

Bunny: she gave me some shampoo and conditioner to help it feel nice and soft and afterward she braided it and put flowers in it.

Bunny: it’s a shame I’ll have to kill her one day.

Tigerboy: o.o

Bunny: she hurts Atsushi and she’s dead.

Prostitute: that’s some dedication

Pokeball: I wish I had popcorn.

Pokeball: oh, it seems Momo is at my door. See everyone later.

Bitchfacedwhore I feel lonely again.

Art Hoe: I could send Akechi to visit.

Detective Bitch: no

Art Hoe: I see.

Bitchfacedwhore: I feel the love. We’ll see if I get you anything for your birthday…hoe

Detective Bitch: I’m still waiting for July. When we have our showdown.

Detective Bitch: be prepared.

Art Hoe: sends picture

Art Hoe: there she is. One of the most beautiful girls I know.

Shogi Queen: We’ll be late to class if you just stand around and take pictures.

Art Hoe: yes ma'am

Bitchfacedwhore: ANYWAYS. BEFORE WE GO TO CLASS. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MASHIRAO!

Tailman: thank you!

[Thirsty for Yu]

4:50

Bitchfacedwhore: where are my hoes at?

Prostitute: sends picture

Prostitute: I have Hanta with me. He’s on clean up duty.

Prostitute: I assume everyone else has some hero work and or you know, life.

Shogi Queen: I have a match coming up, so I am having Yaoyorozu-San help me!

Creati: sorry Akira, we don’t mean to ignore you.

Bitchfacedwhore: I understand. I guess I deserve it for kind of falling off the face of the earth for a while.

Pillow Princess: it’s all good bro, we aren’t mad.

Bitchfacedwhore: WHO IS THIS?

Pillow Princess: …Ryuji

Bitchfacedwhore: WHOEVER DID THIS IS SPEAKING SUCH TRUTHS I DON’T KNOW HOW TO HANDLE IT!

Pillow Princess: I take back what I said I am mad

Bitchfacedwhore: I’M DYING FROM THIS! I EXPECTED THIS TO BE YUSUKE OR SHOTO. BUT ITS RYUJI AHFKEIFND

Pokeball: I agree.

Art Hoe: I am aware of what a Pillow Princess is because Bakugo told me about it! And I can say with confidence that I am not a Pillow Princess!

Catherine: yeah, I want to agree with that. Ryuji is more of the Pillow Princess Here!

Pillow Princess: I TRUSTED YOU ANN!

Catherine: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Bitchfacedwhore: ANN IS CATHERINE?

Bitchfacedwhore: so, we have Art hoe for Yusuke, Detective Bitch for Akechi, Pillow Princess for Ryuji, Catherine for Ann. What’s next?

Tentacles II this time it's personal: THE TENTACLES HAVE RETURNED BITCH!

Bitchfacedwhore: who gave Futaba rights?

Detective Bitch: she changed it back to that each time.

Gardener of DOOM: I think it’s fun.

Bitchfacedwhore: that’s Haru.

Ghost Rider: and then there’s me. This is the…first time they’ve changed my name.

Bitchfacedwhore: Makoto!

Ghost Rider: hello

Ferret Lord: I’m getting real tired of this Tentacle bullshit Futaba.

Tentacles II this time it's personal: you say that my blasty lover. But just you wait until you join me in mementos (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

Ferret Lord: you are 90% talk.

Tentacles II this time it's personal: oh-oh? Are you challenging me? Hmm?

Ferret Lord: I am.

Detective Bitch: Bakugo…please be careful with this challenge.

Detective Bitch: the things she can do with her persona is…

Art Hoe: scary.

Bitchfacedwhore: what does she do with her persona?

Art Hoe: you don’t want to know.

Bitchfacedwhore: o.o I wanna know.

Detective Bitch: you really want to know?

Detective Bitch: really, really want to know?

Bitchfacedwhore: YES

Detective Bitch: Link

Art Hoe: Goro!

Tentacles II this time it's personal: Hehehe, dick chariot.

Prostitute: wild

Bunny: I do not want to know what they are talking about.

Tigerboy: what a mood.

Ghost Rider: that is for the best.

Kevin: One day I am going to be brave enough to see what happens in mementos.

Kevin: but today is not that day.

Bitchfacedwhore: who

Kevin: Midoriya

Bitchfacedwhore: MIDORIYA IS KEVIN NOW?

Pillow Princess: I wanted to name him Kevin 11, but they said no.

Bitchfacedwhore: COWARDS

Bitchfacedwhore has changed Kevin to Kevin 11

Bitchfacedwhore: I’m not a coward

Kevin 11: I see

Ben: It's only a matter of time.

Bitchfacedwhore has changed Ben to Ben 10

Ben 10: and there it is!

Ben 10: I can’t believe it took this long before this has happened.

Ben 10: I just want to sleep

Bitchfacedwhore:… Hitoshi?

Ben 10: I am suffering.

Tentacles II this time it's personal: that you are!

[Siblings]

Fuyumi: dads on the warpath for some reason?

Fuyumi: Shoto, how are things in class?

Shoto: fine.

Shoto: Yusuke stopped by and was in one of those odd moods where he wanted to be affectionate and kissed me in front of Endeavor.

Fuyumi: so, he’s mad that your boyfriend kissed you?

Shoto: Hifumi was with him, and she proceeded to hug me and kiss me as well.

Fuyumi: oh, so he’s mad you’re in a polyamorous relationship?

Shoto: that, or he’s jealous people are willing to kiss me.

Not Dabi: lol, sounds like he’s petty

Natsuo: when are you going to admit your Dabi?

Not Dabi: what? Who’s Dabi? I heard he’s hot.

Hands: die in a ditch.

Denki: Tenko, we agreed this chat is natural ground!

Hands: grrr

Detective Fox 1: this is funny shit

Denki: man, I wish I could have seen Endeavor fuming the moment Shoto got some action!

Shoto: next time

Yu: it’s always fun hearing about everything that happens in your lives.

Shoto: o.o

Shoto: you think so Senpai?

Goro: don’t

Shoto: that’s fine, the jokes boring now.

Yu: joke?

Goro: don’t worry about it.

Detective fox 2: I explained it to you before senpai.

Yu: oh! The fact everyone in 3-A and 3-B has a crush on me?

Goro: wait. Everyone?

Detective Fox 2: everyone.

Yu: I heard about the Rise thirst as well. It was funny!

Yu: Yosuke didn’t think so though.

Goro: fuck

Art fox: I’m sorry, was I not supposed to do that?

Shoto: I would like you to do it more.

Shoto: I want more kisses

Shoto: I demand them

Detective Fox 1: I feel irritated? Why is that?

Detective Fox 2: you might not have had the chance to grow up with us, but you’ve spent a lot of time with us over the years you have gotten closer and you’ve developed emotions towards us.

Detective fox 1: I see.

Detective Fox 2: you are becoming a protective older brother.

Detective Fox 1: so, I should threaten Shoto and the others?

Detective fox 2: no…but I feel like you are going to do it anyway?

Detective Fox 1: ^（｀ω´ ）^ψ

Denki: I am scared

Shoto: so am I.

Goro: noted

Tenya: why am I being threatened? I have done nothing!

Akira: weak

Futaba: ….

Futaba: I’m weak physically, but I can and will track down all the hearts you have broken and give them your home and work # and address.

Art Fox: what did you do?

Hands:…I will hunt you down Dazai.

Silver: this chat is always wild.

Detective Fox 1: hello Gin!

Detective Fox 1: you’ve read the chat!!!

Yu: low blow

Detective Fox 1: and here I was working to give someone time off for a week ಥ_ಥ

Silver: hello Dazai-San.

Ranpo: he’s lying.

Silver: (╭☞•̀o•́)╭☞

Ranpo: hehehe

Detective Fox 1: fuck

Denki:…to change the topic and to be less scared.

Denki: Tenko, let’s get some coffee. I know this awesome café that opened, and I happen to know the owner~

Futaba: A new cafe? I see. Your cheating on Sojiro.

Denki: Shut! I gotta support Haru the best I can!

Hands:…you still want to be seen in public with me? Won’t it ruin your career?

Denki: as I said, this is a natural chat. Anything said here does not leave here. Besides Haru opened in an area where there’s a small number of heroes. It’ll be fine!

Hands:...it better be good.

Denki: you should try the Chargebolt! I heard its shockingly good!

Hands: ?

Shoto: wait, did she name things after us?

Denki: YES!

Denki: I can’t wait to taste them all!

Hands: so, you're using me as an excuse? I’m not paying for it.

Denki: I wasn’t gonna ask!

Shoto: if he wanted someone to pay for everything, he would just ask me…

Shoto: remind me when you go so, I can give you Endeavor's card.

Fuyumi: Shoto!

Not Dabi: hey, hey I get the card this week!

Shoto: hnnn, idk, clearly, you're not Dabi, so I don’t think you get custody of the card.

Natuso: Shoto has a point!

Not Dabi: I see, you play a hard game. I could be Dabi for the week.

Goro: I adore the chaos in this chat sometimes.

Art Fox: I’m still curious as to what Osamu said?

Art Fox: it must have been bad if Futaba threatened back?

Detective Fox 1: I like Futaba.

Art Fox: I am concerned?

Tensei: sounds legit.

Hitoshi: Jesus shit, what did I just walk into? Why am I being threatened and why are you fighting over Endeavor's credit card?

Hitoshi: how does he not have shitty credit because of Shoto's shitty spending habits?

Shoto: #1 hero perks, I guess.

Shoto: but I also don’t pay for his card, so I don’t care.

Futaba: if you want to put him into debt, I can help.

Fuyumi: he did buy us a new house and I think he’s still paying for it…can…we not put him in bankruptcy?

Natsuo: can’t promise. My fiancé has rich tastes.

Not Dabi: that’s a lie. Your fiancé is a cheap date.

Not Dabi: she is a sweet girl who deserves the world.

Natsuo: she'll be happy to hear that.

Not Dabi: as it should be.

Hands: you are a sucker.

Not Dabi: shut your whore mouth!

Not Dabi: you agreed to go on a bro-date with your brother.

Hands: will fight you.

Hands: Denki, I’m free this weekend. Let’s go.

Denki: fuck ya! I don’t have any work this weekend (that I know of).

Denki: we’ll meet at…

Denki: I’ll message you the deets.

Hands: understood.

Hitoshi: I’m kind of jealous your first trip to Café Noir is with your brother.

Denki: sorry baby. I’m not bringing you with us.

Hitoshi: damn

Hitoshi: fine, I’ll take Goro.

Goro:…

Goro: pass. I was going with Yusuke and Hifumi.

Hitoshi: well damn.

Hitoshi: I’ll ask Asui.

Tenya: Asui will like that.

Hitoshi: nice

Akira: it’s sad how Hitoshi doing this because he’s jealous Denki has a bro-date.

Hitoshi: not just that!

Hitoshi: I haven’t gone out with Asui in a while and I need to shower our frog girl with love and affection.

Akira: I vote to spend a month showering Froppy in love and affection!

Tenya: Akira, is this your way of avoiding the support group meetings?

Akira:….no?

Futaba: yes

Hitoshi: yes

Denki: yes

Shoto: yes

Goro: yes

Tenya: might I remind all of you. That you’re all people who will be included in this support group.

Tenya: we will force all of you to accept this love and support.

Tenya: you signed up for this relationship. Accept it!

Hands: what the fucks going on?

Not Dabi: support group with forced love and affection?

Tenya: Akira uses drugs to cope with his trauma.

Akira: NOT ALWAYS!

Akira: IT ISN'T EVEN HARD DRUGS. ITS ONLY WEED!

Akira: and coffee.

Akira: and curry.

Akira: BUT THAT’S IT.

Not Dabi: man that sounds fun.

Not Dabi: ima go find Toga, Compress, and Spanner!

Hands: whatever

Denki: nice to know Shoto isn’t the only rebellious one.

Akira: man, I wonder what Shoto's persona would be? Maybe an ice demon lord.

Shoto: it would be cold soba.

Futaba: all hail cold Soba lord Shoto!

Shoto: I like that.

Goro: don’t give him a big head.

Shoto: please give me a big head.

Akira: oh, I’ll give you big head baby (*ゝω・)ﾉ

Shoto: oh my

Futaba: oooo

Art Fox: we promised not to have these conversations in this chat!

Akira: no regrets

Shoto: (*＾∀゜)

Goro: oh my god.

Tenya: fear.

Detective Fox 1: which one of you oversees teaching our young Shoto here?

Futaba: do you need to ask?

Detective Fox 1: nice

Detective Fox 2: is it though?

Detective Fox 2. The fact he’s learning from Futaba is what scares me.

Akira: what scares me is that Naoto knows how to text normally, and yet chooses to speak in all caps in our other chats.

Detective Fox 2: tell anyone and I will end you.

Akira: PLS

Tenya: this is why we are forming a support group.

Akira: WHORE

Tenya: you brought this upon yourself.

Akira: Well slap my ass and call me Mara, I guess I did.

Goro: I hate you.

Akira: heheheh

Chapter Text

[Sugar Daddies and Sugar Mommies]

Sobalover69: my fellow Sugar daddy and mommies! I have an important question to ask!

Sobalover69: Places to take Ochaco, go.

Tea Queen: She loves food, Mochi, and tea.

Zonic: You can never go wrong taking Uraraka out for food.

Sadistic Princess: Oh! Have you thought about taking her to a cat café?

Sobalover69: She does like cafés and cats.

Sobalover69: okay! I have decided to take Ochaco to a cat café!

Tea Queen: I hope you two have a blast! Oh, it would be best to make a reservation now.

Sobalover69: good to know.

Zonic: I am glad that’s been taken care of! Now we need to focus on the next topic. It is almost June now! This means we have five birthdays coming up. Rise, Goro, Toru, Rikido, and Denki’s.

Zonic: I know Rikido’s cake is going to be hard to do because he’s going to be picky about it. The others not so much.

Sobalover69: What do we get an idol for her birthday?

Tea Queen: Pictures of Narukami-Senpai.

Sadistic Princess: She does love Narukami-Kun.

Zonic: We all love Narukami-Senpai.

Sobalover69: Yu-Senpai is great. He made me homemade soba once.

Tea Queen: We have tea together at least once a month.

Zonic: We jog together on weekends.

Sadistic Princess: I have a job offer for him at my café!

Zonic: My fellow Sugar daddy and mommies, we are getting off-topic because of Yu Narukami.

Sadistic Princess: I can make Rikido’s cake! I’ve been testing recipes with Mako-Chan, Ann-Chan, and Akechi-Kun!

Tea Queen: I’m sure he’ll love anything we get him! Just not store-bought cake.

Zonic: Agreed, what should we get them as gifts?

Sobalover69: I don’t think we can top Destinyland.

Sadistic Princess: :3 I’m sure we could. How does going overseas sound?

Tea Queen: Haru-San please, we cannot do that.

Sadistic Princess: I suppose not. I would like to do a road trip for summer vacation! Though you guys are going to be busy with camp and internships.

Tea Queen: Maybe for graduation?

Sobalover69: End*avor can pay for it.

Zonic: We cannot have End*avor pay for everything.

Sobalover69: I tried.

Sadistic Princess: If we’re planning a graduation trip! I’ll be sure to look for the best places to visit!

Tea Queen: I’ll help! I love planning trips!

Zonic: Good to know we have a graduation trip in the works.

Sobalover69: I’ll take Ochaco gift shopping for our loveable dorks.

Zonic: Wonderful! Now, this brings me to another question.

Sadistic Princess: Oh? And what’s that?

Zonic: With the topic of Rise birthday up, what about Hanamura-Senpai? His birthday is the twenty-second after all.

Sobalover69: Senpai loves music, why don’t we just send Jiro off to pick the best music at End*avor’s expense.

Zonic: SHOTO!

Tea Queen: Should we talk about your spending habits?

Sadistic Princess: I think we should.

Sobalover69: You can’t stop me from living my best life.

Sadistic Princess: continue to live your best life love.

Sobalover69: I will

[Siblings]

2:04 A.M.

Hands: Bitchki

Hands: Bitchki

Hands: @Denki

Hands: @Denki

Denki: What do you want ya hand face motherfucker?

Hands: What do you want for your birthday?

Denki: the sweet release of death.

Denki: In a bed of Big Bang Burgers.

Hands: Not this year Bitchki.

Denki: Ugh

Denki: A puppy

Hands:…

Hands: Release of death it is

Denki: :D

Tenya: DO NOT ENCOURAGE HIM!

Art Fox: We are trying to work on this whole “I crave death” thing.

Goro: Ignore them Kaminari, don’t let your dreams be dreams. Hell, if you want to die, I could take care of that for you.

Denki: You scare me, so no.

Goro: Shame

Hands: I have shit to do now, fuck off.

Denki: HOE YOU MESSAGED ME FIRST!

Detective fox 1: siblings are great

Detective Fox 1: I wish I had you guys growing up! Instead, I was stuck with Chuuya.

Art Fox: Weren’t you fawning over Chuuya the other day?

Detective Fox 1: I suddenly forgot how to read.

Yu: Why are all of you awake? It’s like 2 am? Why are you awake?

Art Fox: It’s 2?

Goro: How time flies when you chug a pot of coffee and three energy drinks.

Yu: Why would you do that? How are you still alive?

Goro: Idk

Tenya: Akechi, Akechi please stop this!

Goro: Yu? Why are YOU awake?

Yu: I just go home from work and now I have maybe three hours to study for an exam at 8 a.m.

Yu: Meanwhile Yosuke is curled up in bed sleeping away as if there’s nothing wrong with the world.

Denki: why so early?

Yu: Because I have no control over my life anymore.

Yu: I predict I’ll be dead by the age of twenty-two.

Goro: That’s only three years away.

Yu: I look forward to it.

Futaba: Sometimes I forget after he graduated the hero course he went straight to an agency and he’s also attending college. A hard-working man who’s waiting for death just like the rest of us.

Yu: The sad thing is, I don’t think I’ll even be allowed the sweet release of death?

Yu: I could ask Marie one day if I can die and she’ll just look at me, laugh and say “no” and that’s it. My life will never end because a goddess said no.

Futaba: Sometimes I forget Yu has managed to get a goddess to fall in love with him, meanwhile we’re out here killing fake gods and becoming gods ourselves.

Futaba: PHANTOM THIEVES FOR THE WIN!

Futaba: Where my Phantom Hoes at?

Art Fox: I hate this.

Goro: End me now.

Detective fox 1: Hey Yusuke, Ima go get some canned crab and Sake. Want to join me?

Art Fox: I am underage?

Detective Fox 1: your point?

Detective fox 1: The first time I got drunk I was thirteen.

Art Fox: I will pass on the alcohol, but I’m ready for crab!

Art Fox: I am on my way,

Goro: No? The trains aren’t running right now. Do you plan on walking? You have school tomorrow! Yusuke!

Yu: Be safe!

Yu: Man, I want some Sake right now…

Goro: I’m going to go grab my idiot boyfriend and go to bed! Good luck with your exam tomorrow.

[Thirsty for Yu]

Bitchfacedwhore: Top of the morning to everyone! It is May 31! Which means tomorrow is Risette’s birthday!

Horny on Main: Damn fucking right it is!

Horny on Main: I expect to be treated like a fucking princess!

Bitchfacedwhore: No can-do little Idol! I am still in the country! My freedom will be from July to August!

Bitchfacedwhore: But that’s not all! One dirty Rat boy’s birthday is June 2~ I can’t WAIT for him to get the gift I bought him (｀▽´)

Detective Bitch: I do not like that smile.

Detective Bitch: I want nothing from you.

Bitchfacedwhore: Too bad! It’ll be there on Monday!

Detective Bitch: How did you even have time to order something for me? You’ve been MIA for weeks.

Bitchfacedwhore: Don’t worry about it.

Tentacles II this time it’s Personal: Heheheh I know what it is.

Detective Bitch: what is it?

Bitchfacedwhore: Futaba, if you tell him I will no longer provide the head pats.

Tentacles II this time it’s Personal: Oh shit. Sorry Detective Bitch! But head pats are above you.

Detective Bitch: Are my head pats not good enough for you?

Tentacles II this time it's Personal: Sorry! Akira’s head pats feel just right.

Detective Bitch:….metaverse?

Tentacles II this time it’s Personal: This time I shall be the one to reject you!

Detective Bitch: Damn

Prostitute: head pat kink.

Tentacles II this time it’s Personal: Praise kink.

Prostitute: I’m not afraid to admit I have a praise kink. I love being praised.

Bitchfacedwhore: I’m 99.9% certain there’s a bunch of other kinks my brother has that I don’t want to learn, Soooo next topic!

Bitchfacedwhore: Mona’s seeing a pretty little calico that lives down the street.

Tentacles II this time it’s Personal: MONA BABIES!

Tentacle II this time it’s Personal: I WANT MONA BABIES!

Gardner of DOOM: Can Mona-Chan even have kittens?

Ghost Rider: He isn’t from our world? Can he have offspring?

Pillow Princess: He’s a cat, why can’t he?

Bitchfacedwhore: adlkjfhjkaejfnsjudhjgv

Bitchfacedwhore: I keep forgetting Ryuji is Pillow Princess and now I’m dying! I love this so much!

Pillow Princess: Hey Kurusu, fuck you!

Bitchfacedwhore: I’ll do that in July

Pillow Princess: ljdfmnhdjfbienrk

 Catherine: Why can’t we have a normal conversation for once?

Edgymaster96: this chat makes me giggle.

Tigerboy: I think everyone here needs to talk to someone.

Tentacole: Agreed.

Tsukuyomi: Dark Shadow heard Aizawa talk about getting a counselor for us, but after the events that happened with Dr. Maruki last year he’s on the fence about it.

Tigerboy: I’m pretty sure Kunikida would be willing to lend an ear? Or Haruno?

Ferret Lord: FUCK MARUKI

Detective Bitch: Fuck Maruki

Bitchfacedwhore: Fuck Maruki

Catherine: Fuck Maruki

Art Hoe: Fuck Maruki

Tentacles II this time it’s personal: Fuck Maruki

Pillow Princess: Fuck Maruki

Gardner of DOOM: Fuck Maruki

Ghost Rider: Fuck Maruki

 Violet:….

Ghost Rider: It’s okay Sumire, you don’t have to say it if you don’t want to.

Violet:…Fuck Dr. Maruki

Pillow Princess: She said it!

Bitchfacedwhore: THE CINNAMON ROLL HAS CURSED, HOW DARE!

Tentacles II this time it’s personal: I can’t wait for you to see all the stuff I taught her while you were gone. Hehehehehe

Catherine: Futaba no.

Tentacles II this time it’s personal: Futaba yes!

Ben 10: Guys I’m tired.

Platinum Detective: WE KNOW SHINSO

Ben 10: I’m also hungry

Crochet:…do…do you want to come over to 3-B for some food?

Ben 10: I would

Ben 10: but I’m not at UA right now.

Ben 10: No clue where I am really. I just know that it's someplace Dad needed to be, so here I am.

Horny on Main: Uncle Hizashi or Uncle Shoto?

Ben 10: Yagi

Horny on Main: YOU’RE OUT WITH ALL MIGHT? PLEASE SEND PICTURES! I NEED CUTE ALL MIGHT PICTURES NOW!

Ben 10: Oh, we’re leaving, g2g

Kevin 11:…

Pokeball: Are you jealous your dad took someone else to do something?

Kevin 11: All Might’s not my dad!

Pokeball: So, you say.

Kevin 11: Omg

Kevin 11: Don’t you have work to do?

Pokeball: I do have work to do.

Pokeball: It's just hard to see right now.

Invisible Girl: Hard to see indeed.

Tigerboy: are you in a dark area right now? Do you need help! I can bring you a flashlight.

Bunny: I don’t think he needs a flashlight.

Prostitute:…how are you this fucking dumb?

Tigerboy: ???

Invisible Girl: Oh, he’s cute, can I have him?

Bunny: no

Tigerboy: ???

Prostitute: how are you even dating anyone?

Tigerboy: Leave my beautiful boyfriend alone! He’s doing his absolute best!

Prostitute: Your boyfriend has shit taste.

Bunny: I will cut you.

Prostitute: Lol sure Kyoka

Loudred: Yo

Bunny: wrong Kyoka.

Loudred: right, sorry I see my name and I’m here.

Tigerboy: Todoroki…do…do you need a flashlight?

Pokeball: I am okay, thank you for the offer.

Pokeball: I must go now. I will talk to everyone later.

Invisible Girl: Bye~

Ferret Lord: why are all of you idiots?

Metapod: We’re your idiots bby.

Ferret Lord: Fuck off

Pichu: Admit you love us and maybe we will

Ferret Lord:  Never.

Pichu: Well! I’m on my way to tackle Kacchan and force my love onto him!

Ferret Lord: Come near me and I’ll end you!

Pichu: JOKES ON YOU KACCHAN THAT’S WHAT I WANT!

Bunny: If you truly crave death. I’ll meet you outside the train station in an hour.

Tigerboy: Kyoka-Chan no,

Bunny: Okay.

Prostitute: Whipped.

Bunny: I am.

Gardner of DOOM: Everyone! I have exciting news to share!

Crochet: What’s up senpai?

Tailman: is it news about your café?

Gardner of DOOM: Not about the café, though it’s doing wonderfully! We have a wonderful balance of heroes, villains, civilians, and Vigilantes come in.

Gardner of DOOM: I wanted everyone to know that I bought some new T’s and they just arrived!

Gardner of DOOM: Sends photos

Detective Bitch: Please tell me some of those are NOT for Yusuke.

Gardner of DOOM: ٢ ` ౪´ ì

Detective Bitch: FUCK

Detective Bitch: GODS DAMNIT OKUMURA

Detective Bitch: HE DOESN’T NEED ANYMORE OF THOSE FURRY BASTARDS.

Detective Bitch: I AM ONE TARANTULA AWAY FROM BURNING THIS WHOLE ASS BUILDING TO THE GROUND.

Gardner of DOOM: Calm down Akechi-Kun! They’re not for you to hold, if they stay in their enclosures you won’t have to worry about them.

Detective Bitch: They’re plotting my death! I fucking know they are! Have you seen their eyes? I swear one of them called me a bitch the other day!

Bitchfacedwhore: It was speaking the truth!

Detective Bitch has blocked Bitchfacedwhore for 24 hours

Prostitute: rip bro

Detective Bitch: I wish I could remove him, but somehow, he keeps crawling his way back into this godforsaken chat. I should have killed him when I had the chance.

Tentacles II This Time It’s Personal: Could have, should have, would have, but you didn’t because we PLAYED YO ASS

Catherine: Haru, those T’s are super tiny, are you sure it’s wise to give some to Yusuke?

Art Hoe: She has given me slings before? I do not see the problem. I already have enclosures ready for them! I just need to wait for them to mature for me to name them.\

Froppy: Do you ever wonder if our pets like the names we give them?

Uravity: Do you think the Phantom Ferret hates his name?

Nidoqueen: Do you think their parents name them when they’re born and when we give them new names it's like a chase of identity crisis for them?

Can’t Stop Twinkling: Our poor pets.

Kevin 11: Are you guys okay?

Uravity: I NEED TO KNOW IF THE CAT I NAMED FLUFFY WHEN I WAS SIX WAS OKAY WITH ITS NAME?

Anima: ...

Froppy: Koda!

Nidoqueen: TELL US THE ANSWERS WE DESIRE!

Uravity: DID I FORSAKE FLUFFY?

Anime: (O∆O)

Jacket Thief 1: Do not scare Koda.

Tentacole: He scares easily.

Sugardaddy: He won’t answer if he’s scared.

Tentacles II This Time It’s Personal: Yeah! Don’t scare our animal whisper.

Ghost Rider: I don’t think animals care much? I mean they learn their names quickly.

Gardner of DOOM: We could ask Mona-Chan, but Akechi-Kun blocked Akira-Kun.

Art Hoe: I suppose we won’t find out until Akira returns in a day.

Detective Bitch: Truly a shame we won’t find out for 24 hours.

Tentacles II This Time It’s personal: It truly is.

Chapter Text

[Investigation Team]

Beefcake: Guys, do you think Kaibara will like this?

Beefcake: Sends picture

Idol: Awe, is that supposed to be Kaibara in his hero’s costume?

Beefcake: Ya

Beefcake: I figured he would like this or maybe a new camera which I don’t have the money for.

Nao-Cakes: IT’S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS.

Nao-Cakes: HE’LL LOVE IT NO MATTER WHAT.

Beefcake: Thx Naoto.

KumaKuma: No fair! I want Kanji to make me a cute doll of myself!

Beefcakes: Fuck that! You don’t deserve one ted!

Naruto: I think Kaibara will like anything you give him Kenji.

Fire Lesbian: Hehehehe your name’s Naruto!

Fire Lesbian: ahahahah I can’t believe it’s still like that!

Fire Lesbian: I thought…ahhahaha, I thought you would have changed it back by now!

Naruto: Yukiko-San it’s not funny.

Fire Lesbian: But it is! Ahahaha! I should buy you a Naruto outfit now!

Ice Lesbian: Okay, I want to apologize. Yukiko had too many drinks at dinner.

Actual Goddess: Aren’t you guys like 19?

Actual Goddess: Isn’t the drinking age 20?

Ice Lesbian: Yep

Beefcake: How did you get alcohol?

Ice Lesbian: Naoto’s brother.

Nao-Cakes: OSAMU GOT YOU ALCOHOL? WHY?

Fire Lesbian: Anniversary bitches!

Fire Lesbian: Did you know, did you know that I love Chie soooo much that I got her a ring?

Fire Lesbian: I got…I got down on one knee and I said “Chie! Chie, I love you soooooooo much that I need you to accept my hand in marriage!”

Fire Lesbian: At first Chie just stared at me and I thought “Oh shit! I forgot to ask her parents for permission to marry their daughter.” But before I could take it back and go ask her parents Chie kissed me!

Fire Lesbians: I love one Ice Lesbian!

Ice Lesbian: We know Yukiko.

Hana-Chan: Is Yukiko-San really drunk? Or are you just saying she is because she keeps laughing when Yu sends a message.

Naruto: Yosuke, Yosuke change my name back to Partner or something.

Hana-Chan: Nah.

Idol: How did this become a thing again? I don’t think I was here when it happened.

Hana-Chan: Kanji went to type out “Yu Narukami!” and instead it put “Yu Naruto” And so Chie put it as his name.

Naruto: SOMEONE removed my mod rights and so now I can’t change my name. Yosuke and Chie are the only ones who can!

Hana-Chan: We’ll change it back in a week.

Ice Lesbian: Or until we come up with something funnier.

Naruto: Guys please! I can’t remain as Naruto!

Naruto: I don’t want to be a ninja.

Hana-Chan: too bad!

Naruto: Chie! Chie please change Yosuke to Sasuke!

Hana-Chan: Wha? No way! There’s no way I’m Sasuke!

Ice Lesbian Changed Hana-Chan to Sasuke

Sasuke: CHIE NO!

Naruto: CHIE YES!

Fire Lesbian: AHSDFJKSJDJFLADBJFJAKJCNF

Sasuke: I hate all of you with a burning passion.

Beefcake: Sure Sasuke, whatever you say.

Sasuke: And now I am no longer getting Kanji anything for Christmas.

Beefcake: That’s fine! You always buy stuff! Handmade items are better.

Nao-Cake: ITS TRUE

Idol: Kanji-Kun always makes us the cutest things ever! Last year he made me a little plushie of my uncles! They’re chilling on my desk together! Uncle Shota looks super grumpy and Uncle Zashi has his trademark smile. I love them so much!

Sasuke: and my lack of artistic skill is rubbed in my face yet again.

Naruto: I think you have more artistic talent than you give yourself credit for.

Sasuke: Nope, we’re not going there Partner.

Actual Goddess: Are we supposed to be talking about Christmas presents now? Its June?

Actual Goddess: I wasn’t going to start shopping until November. Is this a tradition I was unaware of?

Naruto: No Marie, you can start shopping whenever you want.

Fire Lesbian: Actually, starting Christmas shopping now sounds like a good idea! It’ll save us money come New Years.

Fire Lesbian: I will do it! Chie let’s go shopping!

Ice Lesbian: Oh no, you are going to bed soon! We don’t need you running around right now.

Fire Lesbian: That sounds like a great Idea! Guys do you think Chie will stay the night with me if I ask.

KumaKuma: Don’t you two live together?

Naruto: I don’t think she realizes this.

Ice Lesbian: I’m putting Yukiko to bed now guys, see you in the morning. Hopefully Yukiko won’t be hung over too badly tomorrow.

[Shirogane Naoto to Dazai Osamu]

Naoto: Osamu, I know we do not always see eye-to-eye, but I need you to stop buying my friends alcohol. Everyone is still under the legal drinking age, and you are also a detective! If people find out that you have been buying minors alcohol you can get into serious trouble.

Read at 5:30 A.M.

[Thirsty for Yu]

Pichu: We’ve been thirsty for Yu for a while now…maybe its time we break free from senpai?

Detective Bitch: What do you recommend?

Pichu: I don’t know?

Pillow Princess: While we are talking about a chat name change, can we pls change my name from Pillow Princess to something else?

Tentacole: Never gonna happen.

Detective Bitch: Shoji has spoken.

Tentacles II this time it’s personal: I think it’s time we give Shoji a new name! Our sweet octopi man has been Tentacole for so long.

Tentacles II this time it’s Personal: We can’t just give you a simple name either! It must be the best name out there! I will not accept anything unless Shoji gives his approval of it!

Tentacole: I don’t care what name you give me. You could give me Takoyaki and I would accept it with open arms.

Tentacles II this time it’s personal: boring! Super boring! Shoji’s boring!

Tentacole: eh

Tentacles II this time it’s personal: Why don’t we call you “the superior tentacles?” No, no that means I’m not good enough. Hmm, maybe bara tentacles? Yeah I like that!

Tentacole: I do not like that.

Tentacles II this time it’s personal: You said you would accept anything with open arms!

Tentacole: Let me rephrase, I will accept anything except from Futaba.

Tentacles II this time It’s personal: RUDE

Can’t Stop Twinkling: Monsieur Tentacule?

Tentacole: Still gonna stick with the tentacle theme?

Ben 10: Might as well. Unless you want to switch with Ryuji?

Tentacole: Hard pass.

Pillow Princess: For real?

Crochet: Do we not have a for real bot?

Tentacles II this time it’s Personal: shit! I knew I was forgetting something. Eh, I’ll make it eventually. For now, let’s say that’s like 1000.

Pillow Princess: fuck all of you.

Bitchfacedwhore: I will in July!

Ghost Rider: I will hunt you down Kurusu and I will end you.

Ingenium Jr: Eventually we will have a chat where sex is not brought up.

Prostitute: That will never happen and we all know it.

Edgymaster96: I believe I have a new name for the chat! Mod rights pls?

Ghost Rider has Given Edgymaster96 mod rights

Edgymaster96 has renamed the Chat name to I need a hero from the Shrek two soundtrack

Pichu: omg is this allowed?

Edgymaster96: It is now.

Tentacles II this time it’s Personal: I love one edgymaster96

Catherine: Get in line. I called dibs when we were like twelve.

Edgymaster96: Ladies, ladies! There’s no Shiho to go around for I am traumatized!

Pokeball: Aren’t we all?

Ingenium Jr. Do we need a group therapy session?

Ben 10: Nope

Detective Bitch: I wish the Velvet room bitches left me in Shido’s curse ship so that I could die and not have to deal with this.

Creati: I’ll prepare tea! Those who can join me in the common room please do! We are going to talk about our feelings.

Gardner of DOOM: That’s a lovely offer Momo, but sadly I must pass tonight!

Creati: Understandable.

Tentacles II this time it’s Personal has changed Tentacole’s name to Bismillah

Bismillah: ?

Tentacles II this time It’s Personal: I was in a Queen mood and this is what I’ve decided. Deal with it.

Bismillah: Why?

Tentacles II this time it’s personal: Because I said so.

Jacket Thief 1: What a mad banquet of darkness

Chapter Text

[I need a hero from the Shrek two soundtrack]

Detective Bitch: KURUSU AKIRA.

Detective Bitch: @Bitchfacedwhore

Detective Bitch: @Bitchfacedwhore

Detective Bitch: @Bitchfacedwhore

Detective Bitch: @Bitchfacedwhore

Bitchfacedwhore: Yes, my wonderful fake detective love of my life?

Bitchfacedwhore: The rotten apple of my eye

Bitchfacedwhore: my love who thought he put a bullet in my head.

Bitchfacedwhore: What can I do for you?

Detective Bitch: DID YOU SEND ME THIS?

Detective Bitch: Sends Picture

Bitchfacedwhore: THE BABY ARRIVED! Is it safe? Unharmed? Don’t scare it with your psychotic personality.

Detective Bitch: THIS IS ONE OF THE FUCKERS HARU TRIED TO PAWN OFF ON US

Detective Bitch: I DO NOT WANT A FUCKING SPIDER.

Art Hoe: We shall raise it as our own! It’ll be a wonderful child.

Detective Bitch: We will do no such thing. I do not want this thing in my apartment.

Bitchfacedwhore: Sucks to suck.

Detective Bitch: that’s it! Ima put a real bullet in your head this time mother fucker!

Creati has timed out Detective Bitch and Bitchfacedwhore for an hour.

Creati: I have decided we will no longer have this negativity in chat! If I see it, you will get a timeout for an hour.

Pichu: Yaomomo out for blood today!

Loudred: Get their asses Yaomomo!

Tentacles II this time it’s personal: Look at that! Akechi getting a time out on this, the day of his birth!

Tentacles II this time it’s personal: OH! I have an idea

Tentacles II this time it’s personal has changed Detective Bitch’s name to Birthday Bitch

Pillow Princess: Futaba out here doing the lords work

Tentacles II this time it’s personal: I know.

Tentacles II this time it’s personal: I’m the best thing this chat has to offer. Bow down to me.

Ferret Lord: You are full of fucking shit is what you are.

Bunny: Stop using that language. We have a baby in the chat.

Sugardaddy: Yeah! Stop using bad language in front of Koda!

Bunny: I was talking about Atsushi.

Jacket Thief 1: Stop cursing in front of Koda and Atsushi.

Tigerboy: I’m older than all of you?

Bunny: A baby.

Prostitute: They speak the truth Atsushi! You are a baby, a bitch baby!

Tigerboy: D: Ranpo-San???

Bunny: If not for the laws of the Agency, you would have been dead long ago.

Prostitute: :D

Shogi Queen: This is always a fun chat to visit, but when did the name of it change?

Tentacles II this time it’s personal: Shiho changed it the other day!

Shogi Queen: I see.

Gardner of DOOM: Oh, look at the cute baby you have Akechi! I’ll help you take care of it! So, don’t worry.

Art Hoe: Goro is currently sitting on the couch pouting as he stares at the phone. He isn’t happy that Yaomomo banned him for an hour.

Art Hoe: Oh, it appears the Phantom Ferret has come to join him in the pouting session.

Art Hoe: Sends picture

Pillow Princess: Yo, I need to pick up PF here in like eh, a few? Ma wants to meet ‘em.

Catherine: I’ll be with him! I want the cute ferret cuddles before Mama Sakamoto steals him forever.

Ferret Lord: What was that?

Leavanny: What’s this? Is Bakugo being protective of his ferret minion?

Nidoqueen: Let’s be real. PF is the real lord and we are all his humble servants

Uravity: You don’t have to say it out loud.

Tentacles II this time it’s personal: ALL HAIL THE FERRET LORD PHANTOM FERRET1

Pillow Princess: HAIL PHANTOM FERRET

Art Hoe: HAIL PHANTOM FETTER

Pichu: HAIL PHANTOM FETTER

Metapod: HAIL PHANTOM FETTER

Froppy: HAIL PHANTOM FETTER

Nidoqueen: HAIL PHANTOM FETTER

Ben 10: HAIL PHANTOM FETTER

Kevin 11: HAIL PHANTOM FETTER

Leavanny: HAIL PHANTOM FETTER

Jacket Thief 1: HAIL PHANTOM FETTER

Invisible Girl: HAIL PHANTOM FETTER

Can’t Stop Twinkling: HAIL PHANTOM FETTER

Loudred: HAIL PHANTOM FETTER

Pokeball: HAIL PHANTOM FETTER

Horny on Main: HAIL PHANTOM FETTER

Catherine: HAIL PHANTOM FETTER

Gardner of Doom: HAIL PHANTOM FETTER

Violet: HAIL PHANTOM FETTER

Edgymaster96: HAIL PHANTOM FETTER

Phanboy: HAIL PHANTOM FETTER

Art Hoe: Grrrr

Pichu: YUSUKE! YOU RUINED IT!

Nidoqueen: Phantom Thieves collect your Kitsune!

Ghost Rider: we have no control over Yusuke. In fact, I am pleased he decided to ruin the train like that.

Tentacles II this time it’s personal: welp! Let’s burn inari!

Bismillah: let’s not do that. Yusuke isn’t a witch.

Tentacles II this time it’s personal: THAT WE KNOW OF.

Tentacles II this time it’s personal: INARI CAN YOU CONFIRM OR DENY THAT YOU ARE A WITCH.

Art Hoe: No comment.

Tentacles II this time it’s Personal: akjdfjhdkfjnd

Tentacles II this time it’s personal: I THINK IT’S TIME FOR A GOOD ‘OL FASHION WITCH HUNT!

Jacket Thief 1: It seems my time has come.

Tentacles II this time it’s personal: Wait, is our local bird boy a witch hunter?

Ben 10: No, he’s an edgy bitch.

Jacket Thief 1: Takes one to know one.

Pichu: Ladies, ladies please! You’re both beautiful

Pichu: We need to focus on the real matter at hand.

Pichu: Our local Art Hoe is refusing to confirm or deny if he is a witch or not.

Pichu: Obviously the only way we can test this theory is to throw him into a lake! If he sinks, he’s not a witch. If he floats.

Pichu: BURN THE WITCH,

Tentacles II this time it’s personal: BURN THE WITCH!

Creati has timed out Tentacles II this time it’s personal and Pichu for an hour

Creati: We are not going to burn Yusuke.

Art Hoe: Thank you Yaomomo.

Birthday Bitch: Are you all idiots? Yusuke can swim! We literally went to the beach not too long ago and you saw him swim in the ocean?

Bitchedfacedwhore: BURN THE WITCH

Birthday Bitch has timed out Bitchfacedwhore for 24 hours.

Birthday Bitch: If anyone removes his time out then this will officially be the worse birthday ever.

Birthday Bitch: And I’ve had plenty of shitty birthdays growing up. Let me have this damnit.

Creati: Fine, but only because it is your birthday.

Creati: But you are on thin ice.

Pillow Princess: Thin fucking ice mister.

Birthday Bitch: sure. Now will you hurry up and pick the ferret up? Sojiro said I get free coffee today.

Pillow Princess: We’re on our way! Hold ya panties!

Birthday Princess: my finger is hovering over the ban button for you.

Pillow Princess: I’m soooooooo scared.

Birthday Bitch has banned Pillow Princess for 24 hours

Catherine: Sigh, I told him not to hit end.

Catherine: Why is our bottom an idiot?

Edgymaster96: I’ve been asking that question since middle school.

Ferret Lord: Why are all of you guys so fucking stupid?

Bunny: I have a fucking knife. If you drop the eff bomb one more fucking time, I will kill you.

Ferret Lord: I FUCKING DARE YOU!

Leavanny: Sigh I think I gotta stop my little sister figure from stabbing my boyfriend

Prostitute: wait, let me get my popcorn ready for this fight! It’ll be epic.

Leavanny: why are you like this?

Tigerboy: Please don’t encourage violence Ranpo-San!

Prostitute: I do what I want!

Ingenium Jr has added Aizawa Shota to the chat

Ingenium Jr: Sensei please control your nephew. He is encouraging chaos in this chat!

Aizawa Shota: I have two nephews. Please specify which one is causing chaos this time.

Prostitute: Me!

Aizawa Shota: …

Tigerboy: Ranpo-San.

Aizawa Shota: bold of you to assume I have any control over this chaotic brat.

Aizawa Shota: Where’s my other chaotic brat?

Birthday Bitch: It’s my birthday! As such I have timed out Akira for 24 hours.

Aizawa: Valid.

Prostitute: lmao it’s funny that Iida thought Shota could control me.

Prostitute: I AM THE RULER OF THIS CHAT

Leavanny: Iida, Yaomomo, Midoriya, Makoto or Akechi! Give me mod rights real fast!

Ghost Rider: I swear if you make me regret this, I will end you.

Ghost Rider has given Leavanny mod rights

Leavanny has changed his name to Spiderman

Leavanny has added Fukuzawa Yukichi to the chat

Fukuzawa Yukichi: What?

Prostitute:….

Spiderman: President! President! Ranpo is encouraging violence between Kyoka and Bakugo again!

Fukuzawa Yukichi:…

Prostitute:…

Fukuzawa Yukichi: Ranpo.

Prostitute: Fine! I’ll stop!

Fukuzawa Yukichi: How do I leave?

Spiderman has removed Fukuzawa Yukichi from the chat

Spiderman: Let me keep this power. It feels amazing.

Ferret Lord: Fuck no! If he gets to keep mod powers, I demand to have fucking mod powers!

Spiderman has changed Ferret Lord’s name to Fucking Mod powers.

Fucking Mod powers:…..

Fucking Mod powers: You better fun

Spiderman: adhfjdhjfhjsd

Spiderman: Yeet

Froppy: I hear Bakugo’s explosions.

Uravity: Rip Sero Hanta.

Pokeball: D: Don’t kill our boyfriend!

Horny on Main: It’s fine, you have like 20 of those.

Pokeballs: But he’s one of the tall ones! He can reach things for us when Shoji is busy with important things.

Jacket Thief 1: Its me. I am important things.

Art Hoe: I would like to say I am important things as well, but we all know that’s not true.

Kevin 11: What a mood.

Gardner of DOOM: what’s this? Is…is someone talking shit about themselves?

Gardner of DOOM: To those who don’t think they’re important enough can meet me in the pit! I have a brand-new axe that I’m looking forward to testing out.

Ben 10: Guys, my dad is still in the chat! Can we not talk about this?

Tentacles II this time it’s personal: HEY DADZAWA, DID YOU KNOW YOU HAVE PEOPLE WHO THIRST AFTER YOU?

Aizawa Shota: I am aware.

Ben 10: I THOUGHT YOU WERE ON A TIME OUT!

Tentacles II this time it’s personal: TIME OUTS CANNOT HOLD FUTABA SAKURA DOWN!

Tentacles II this time it’s personal: I make computer my bitch!

Tentacles II this time It’s personal: So, can I read some thirst tweets for you Dadzawa?

Aizawa Shota: No

Tentacles II this time it’s personal: Fiiine, but can you answer me a question?

Aizawa Shota: Do I have to?

Tentacles II this time it’s Personal: Yes

Tentacles II this time it’s Personal: have you, or have you not had sexual intercourse with Vlad King?

Ghost Rider has removed Tentacles II this time it’s Personal from the chat

Ghost Rider: I am so sorry for her. That was a rude question to ask and I’ll make sure she doesn’t ask it again.

Spiderman: ogjdhfidf

Nidoqueen: adfjdhfihagefyads

Metapod: djfjdhfkasdbn

Catherine: omg

Loudred: I am fucking dead!

Fucking Mod Powers: F

Ben 10: I fucking hate this family.

Aizawa Shota: I am going to pretend I didn’t see that.

Aizawa Shota: I’m not being paid enough for this shit.

Aizawa Shota has left the chat

Creati: I…do not think I can ever look our teachers in the eyes ever again.

Ingenium Jr: Agreed.

Chapter Text

[Siblings]

Not Dabi: *In En*evors voice* Shoto, SHOOOOOOOOOOTO

Not Dabi: SHOTO I SEE YOU HAVE READ THIS MESSAGE!

Not Dabi: DON’T LEAVE ME ON READ YOU LITTLE BITCH,

Fuyumi: Don’t call your brother names you little shit.

Natsuo: Is it pick on Touya hours?

Not Dabi: Fuck all of you! Where’s Shoto? He owes me money!

Fuyumi: Why?

Not Dabi: I cannot say.

Not Dabi: But I WON the fucking bet! Now give me my money!

Shoto: What I owe you, is a swift kick in the ass!

Shoto: Never do that to me or my 34 boyfriends and girlfriends again.

Natsuo: Did…did the number go up?

Fuyumi: Did anyone ever give Shoto the sex talk?

Not Dabi: Oh, oh! I’ll do it!

Not Dabi: You see Shoto. When a man and a woman, or a woman and a woman, or a man and a man, or a non-binary person and a non-binary person love each other soooooo much they tend to get sexual! And what that means is.

Shoto: I know how sex works!

Shoto: Recovery girl and Yosano-Sensei give us pamphlet’s on it.

Shoto: Present Mic and Midnight also made it a point to separate us and give us a very detailed talk about it.

Denki: I was traumatized!

Hitoshi: I am grateful I wasn’t in that class yet.

Denki: Can…can we change the subject?

Detective Fox 1: wait, you guys got a sex talk? What’s that like?

Denki: Traumatizing!

Detective Fox 1: Never had that before. In the mafia it’s more like “Here’s a gun and a condom, don’t get a STD” And then they yeet you into the world

Ryuunosuke: Big sis Kouyou has made sure everyone got a proper sex talk.

Silver: I got both side of the talk.

Silver: Big sis also gave me information on where I can get a dil-

Silver: aldjflldfajkdfmd

Ryuunosuke: I have taken Gin’s phone. You will not be hearing from them for a while.

Art Fox: Rip Gin.

Denki: We knew them well.

Denki: But hey yo Gin! Can I get my hands on those links?

Hitoshi: Pls

Shoto: Double that.

Detective Fox 1: and if you look to your left, you can see the horny ones wanting the best toys money can buy.

Not Dabi: If you need that hookup, you could have just asked,

Not Dabi: I know a guy

Hands: My brother isn’t going to buy a dick from your dealer. You don’t know if that shits clean or not.

Fuyumi: Why are we talking about this???

Fuyumi: I just wanted to make sure my brother knew what sex was and if he was having safe sex.

Shoto: Yes.

Fuyumi: Yes???

Shoto: Yes.

Tenya: Sigh, yes, he has had the talk and yes, he is practicing safe sex.

Sae: I did not ask to be in this chat.

Makoto: We never ask to be in these chats.

Sae: Wait…is this the league of Villains?

Hands: No

Not Dabi: 100% not.

Hands: my name is Shimura Tenko.

Not Dabi: and I am not Dabi.

Sae:… for legal reasons I am going to act like I saw nothing.

Not Dabi: right on Niijima

Detective Fox 1: She focuses on the LOV but completely ignores the two Port Mafia members and former mafia member.

Detective Fox 1: lol

Goro: Sae has decided to ignore the three of you.

Futaba: everyone knows the Mafia’s all but useless.

Futaba: They just sell drugs and kill people.

Ryuunosuke: truth

Ryuunosuke: Gin has informed me to tell you “sell drugs kids.”

Detective Fox 1: ahahahqa that’s my kid!

Detective Fox 1: guys! I am adopting a kid! And that kid is Gin! WELCOME TO THE FOX FAMILY KID!

Ryuunosuke: they said, “fuck you Dazai.”

Detective Fox 2: You deserve that

Art Fox: Agreed.

Art fox: Wait, you tried to pull the same thing with me after the events of last year.

Art Fox: So, I mean nothing to you?

Detective Fox 1: No! Yusuke, baby brother! I meant when I said I would adopt you! You just…had already decided to move in with your boyfriend.

Goro: He’s better off with me anyways. All you have is canned crab and alcohol.

Detective Fox 1: Ya got me there.

Hitoshi: Hey, so where’s Akira? He usually says something stupid

Denki: Nah, he’s at work and can’t look at his phone.

Denki: Akira gotta get that cash money somehow.

Tenya: No matter how much of a terror he is to the chat. I have to say, Akira is a hard worker.

Shoto: He’s trying to take my spot as Sugar Daddy.

Shoto: I cannot let him do that.

Tenya: Oh, I never thought of that. Pretty soon I’m sure Akira will be allowed to join our Sugar Daddies and Mommies chat.

Not Dabi: I am sorry.

Not Dabi: Your WHAT?

Shoto: you can read.

Fuyumi: What do they teach you guys in UA?

Natsuo: How to be sugar mommies and daddies apparently.

Not Dabi: Shoto…Shoto do you have…do you have a da…

Denki: Say it you coward.

Denki: Now @not Dabi Finish this sentence. “Todoroki Shoto has a ____”

Not Dabi: Daddy Kink!

Denki: AAYYYE he said it! Good for you!

Shoto: Cannot confirm nor deny.

Fuyumi: I am disappointed in my brother.

Shoto: shrug

Natsuo: Do they have a mommy kink as well?

Shoto: have you seen Momo?

Denki: She’s a mommy.

Tenya: I do not want to talk about this anymore.

Shoto: well guess what Tenya! You brought it up! So here we are.

Akira: WHAT’S UP BITCHES

Akira: GUESS WHO JUST GOT OUT OF PRISON!

Ranpo: bitch!

Akira: I’m joking of course! I’m on break.

Akira: And we’re talking about the fact Shoto has a mommy AND a daddy kink? Good fucking post.

Akira: Can I direct all of you to Makoto Niijima! She’s literally team mom! So, if you don’t tell her “HaRdEr MoMmY” at least once during sex, you are doing it wrong.

Sae: I will put you in prison for real if you say anything like that again.

Akira: Okay, I hear you, so let’s move on to Shoto.

Akira: I’d literally fall to my knees and beg him take me like the little bitch I am.

Denki: Oh look, Shoto has caught aflame!

Not Dabi: Someone woke up on the horny side of the bed this morning.

Detective Fox 1: This is fucking funny.

Akira: it’s been a while okay.

Detective Fox 1: Weren’t you literally here a while ago?

Akira: To comfort Yusuke! Not to fuck! God, what do you think I am? An animal?

Detective Fox 1: yea.

Ranpo: lol

Akira: Nah bitch. If my date mates upset, sex is never on the table. I might be horny, but I know sex is never the answer.

Denki: Sometimes it’s the answer.

Hands: I am electing not to see that response.

Yu: Can we back tract here? What happened with Shoto owing Not Dabi money?

Tensei: what did you do Dabi? Will it end up on the news?

Not Dabi: Who knows.

Futaba: I will find it if it was recorded. Just you wait. Hehe

Not Dabi: bet

Hitoshi: I can feel it in my bones. Futaba’s cackling like a little witch.

Makoto: That sounds like our Futaba.

Shoto: Futaba no.

Not Dabi: You’ll never find out! Ahahaha

Hands: I am logging off now before you make me go insane.

Shoto: If she figures it out, I’ll be sure to make it, so she has a reason not to tell.

Hitoshi: Are you…are you threatening Futaba with a good time?

Futaba: DON’T THREATEN ME WITH A GOOD TIME.

Akira: God I hope she dabbed, and I wish I was there to see it.

Futaba: You know it.

[Bakusquad]

Tapper: Can we do it just once? Please guys! I am begging you!

Music: I don’t know man. I feel like it would make Shinso have a panic attack if we do it.

 Sleep: I’m with Hanta actually. I wanna do it.

Sunshinechild: I don’t think anyone would have a panic attack?

Sunshinechild: That’s not to say I’m gonna do it.

Bubblegumbitch: I want to try it!

Ponytail: I’ll pass.

For Real: Same! Besides gotta focus on getting a job and you know, I’m in charge of taking care of PF.

I see all the Butts: What are we talking about?

Explosion: Soy Sauce Face wants to get high as fuck and listen to Welcome to Night Vale.

I see all the butts: pass.

Tapper: I wasn’t expecting you to join truthfully.

I see all the butts: I’m down for listening to it though!

Sparksfly: It looks like Jiro is the only one against it? So, let’s fucking do it!

Tapper: Sweet

Sleep: I guess I’m in charge of getting the weed. I’ll see how much I can get from dad later. For now, I’m gonna try to take a nap.

Sunshinechild: Do you need a cuddly buddy? I could go for a nap as well.

Sleep: I get to be little spoon.

Sunshinechild: HECK YA! I love being big spoon!

Ponytail: I want pics later okay?

Sunshinechild: of course!

[Sugar Daddies and Mommies]

 5:30 pm

Sobalover69: My fellow Sugar Daddy and Sugar Mommies!

Sobalover69: It has come to our attention in the siblings chat that Akira is close to becoming a Sugar Daddy.

Zonic: As such, it is close to the time as to where we should add him to this chat.

Sobalover69: Any objections?

Tea Queen: None here.

Sadistic Princess: If we are being honest, I’m surprised he wasn’t added the moment Ryuji made the chat.

Tea Queen: It was late when Ryuji made the chat.

Zonic: we could add him now?

Tea Queen: Let’s.

Tea Queen: but before we do that. Shall we prepare ourselves for the chaos?

Sobalover69: Nah

Sadistic Princess: I’ll add him now!

Sadistic Princess has added Kurusu Akira to the chat

Sobalover69: He’ll make a dramatic entrance once he’s off work.

9:00 pm

Kurusu Akira: Kicks doors open and struts in like the bad bitch I am I HAVE ACHIEVED MY GOAL OF BECOMING A SUGAR DADDY!

Kurusu Akira: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS HONOR.

[I need a hero from the Shrek 2 soundtrack]

2:15 am

Edgymaster96: Do you guys ever just sit there in a dark room and think about how much your life sucks?

Edgymaster96: I used to have a dream! I wanted to play Volleyball and go professional with that.

Edgymaster96: But because of K*moshida I feel like I no longer have a meaning to my life.

Edgymaster96: I want to d*e

Edgymaster96: I know that isn’t something I should want! Not anymore considering I have so many people who love me.

Edgymaster96: I just…I just hate life.

Jacket Thief 1: Shiho…

Pichu: BABY!

Ben 10: man, that’s a mood.

Ben 10: But also, do you need us to bring you something for comfort Shiho?

Edgymaster96: the sweet release of death.

Ben 10: Fresh out of that.

Kevin 11: Do you think we’ll get our license suspended if we broke into jail and punched K*moshida in the face?

Kevin 11: Because right now I hate him 10x more then I hate E*deavor

Pokeball: False, but he doesn’t deserve to live.

Pokeball: I can call my brother who has no fears to take care of him for you Shiho

Pichu: Same!

Edgymaster96: No.

Edgymaster96: Ann decided he must live so that he can atone for what he did.

Edgymaster96: so, don’t get into trouble for me.

Pichu: Our brothers are literally the league of Villains leader and second in command. They have nothing to lose.

Pokeball: They already lost their sanity years ago. They have no fears.

Pichu: false.

Pichu: They fear therapy.

Pokeball: Of course! How could I forget.

Edgymaster96: I think we all fear therapy.

Pokeball: truth

Kevin 11: Guys we need to focus!

Jacket Thief 1: We can request another get together?

Jacket Thief 1: Obviously we will make sure Shiho is suffocated by the boobs of our girlfriends.

Edgymaster96: If I die young, burry me in silence lay my down on a bed of soft titties.

Pichu: Nice soft round titties.

Edgymaster96: titties that you wanna motorboat, BUT you ask permission first because it’s rude to motorboat without asking.

Pichu: Indeed.

Ben 10: The answer to depression soft titties?

Kevin 11: Not always.

Edgymaster96: Oh, I’m still depressed. I just want soft titties now.

Kevin 11: there it is.

Pokeball: do they have to be ladies’ titties? Because Kirishima’s titties are good shit.

Pichu: They are sturdy

Jacket Thief 1: Are we going to do this?

Ben 10: do wha?

Jacket Thief 1: rank our boyfriends and girlfriend’s titties.

Ben 10: We need permission for that first! Everyone must be in agreeance for that.

Kevin 11: I guess we’re waiting until a normal hour.

Pichu: What’s a normal hour?

Jacket Thief 1: Where are our other insomniacs? @Art hoe @Detective Bitch

Pichu: I think they finally fell asleep. Please don’t at them!

Kevin 11: Where’s Futaba?

Pokeball: Most likely still searching for the thing Touya did.

Kevin 11: What did Touya do?

Pokeball: None of ya business.

Pichu: Futaba will find out. It’s only a matter of time.

Pokeball: I am willing to sacrifice myself to keep Futaba from releasing the information if she gets it.

Kevin 11: He’s serious about this huh.

Tentacles II this time it’s personal: Listen! I am loving how you’re willing to do that! When I find the answer, I am seeking we will see exactly how desperate you are.

Pokeball: fear.

Tentacles II this time it’s personal: As it should be.