Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“I really don’t get why they have to separate alphas and omegas for. Seriously it’s not like we’re any less capable than you guys”. Yuzuru grumbled as he tucked his scarf more securely round his neck. Nathan chuckled as he grinned down at Yuzuru. They had been friends for ages and the story had always been nathan and yuzuru, yuzuru and nathan, so even after they had both presented as polar opposites they still stuck by each other’s sides despite the endless teasings that were honestly way worse for Yuzuru. 

Anyway, Nathan enjoyed being an alpha, especially if it meant that he got to protect Yuzuru from the less savoury characters out there. There was no way he would be able to do that if he’d been a beta or an omega. 

“Stop grumbling yuzu. You know the other reason they do it is to keep us safe from each other, all in good reason too. Look what happened to that other omega girl in class H”. Nathan’s hand shot out involuntarily to steady Yuzuru in case he slipped on the ice. Yuzuru rolled his eyes at the proffered arm before pushing Nathan away. 

“Yeah but like it’s so unfair”, Yuzuru whined as Nathan tried not to slip on the ice himself, “you alphas have like way better lessons than us and more free period and actual teachers instead of shitbags. It’s just discrimination because of our gender!” Yuzuru had balled his fists at the last part and Nathan nodded sympathetically. This definitely wasn’t his first time listening to Yuzuru complain about this subject.

“Seriously nathan, what’s up with our education system? An hour a day for heat studies like what the fuck is heat studies? Anyway what’s all this bullshit about needing to have sex during heat? You and I don’t so much as kiss and we get through our heats fine!” 

This was only partially true, Nathan thought. Sure, he and Yuzuru never did much except cuddle during Yuzuru’s heats but then again Yuzuru didn’t know that Nathan literally had to take 4 suppressant pills a day during their heat sessions just to make sure he wasn’t overwhelmed by Yuzuru’s scent or the liquid that sometimes seeped through the supposed “slick absorber” sheets. Nathan personally prided himself for having the strongest possible will power that any alpha could ever possibly have. 

Anyway, Yuzuru only knew half the truth about Nathan’s own heats. He only called Yuzuru over during the last two days for their cuddle sessions because he was pretty sure if Yuzuru came for the first two days his will power would probably have snapped a long time ago. 

Not that he would ever reveal this and risk their friendship ever. 

Nathan smiled benignly at Yuzuru as they neared the school gates. The gates were thronging with students milling about waiting for the bell to ring. As they walked in, Nathan wrapped a protective arm around Yuzuru’s waist, pulling him in close. Yuzuru raised a questioning brow before leaning back into the touch. If there was one thing about Yuzuru that was a blessing in disguise, it was his naivety. 

Somehow Yuzuru didn’t seem as attuned to the whispers he got or the appraising looks he received whenever he walked around school. He knew what the others thought of Yuzuru and what they whispered about and honestly sometimes it made him downright sick. 

Like now for instance as he saw a group begin to make their way towards them. 

“Hey Chen!” Yuzuru glanced up as he noticed Nathan’s back stiffen. They had been friends for so long that they always knew when something was up for the other. Nathan could sense the almost imperceptible change in Yuzuru’s scent as his body began to react involuntarily to the new group of alphas nearing them. His grip on Yuzuru tightened. 

“Hey Lee. What’s up?” Nathan grinned, hoping that it at least looked natural and not plastered onto his face. Lee was smiling broadly, surrounded by his usual group of croones. 

“Are you free on Friday? We’re having a party at Patrick’s”, he thumbed Patrick out who leered back, “and we really wanted to invite you and your friend here, seeing how you both are leaving next week”. Lee had winked at Yuzuru and Nathan was a hundred percent sure Yuzuru had flushed red. 

“Um, I really don’t think-” 

“Don’t be such a buzzkill Chen. It’s not just you we invited too. Anyway, we’re never gonna see you again you might as well come for once right?” Patrick’s voice had dropped an octave lower. 

Nathan was pretty sure his smile had turned rather frosty by then. 

“So how about it then, Yuzuru? Chen here is being a buzzkill but I’m sure you’ll turn up right?” Looking at how Yuzuru blushed and smiled shyly, Nathan knew in that minute that he was a goner. 

------

Which was exactly how Nathan found himself being pushed through an extremely sweaty throng of people as he fought to find Yuzuru. Yuzuru had spent nearly an hour agonising over what to wear and even after Nathan’s continuous assurances that ‘yes you look great in every outfit’ which was true, Yuzuru still fretted over how he looked. 

Giving up finally, Nathan found himself sitting desolately at the bar, staring at his phone and desperately wishing that he was anywhere, anywhere as long as it wasn’t here. He was so caught up in his own self misery that he didn’t notice the pretty omega girl until she was literally pressed right against him. 

“Hey, you alright?” 

Nathan jumped back, off the chair and his drink spilled across the table. The girl had large eyes and she was wearing heavy makeup, personally a huge turn off for him as he thought of Yuzuru’s unlined face and how he could look even more beautiful even without a single stitch of makeup.

“Ah shit I’m sorry I hope I didn’t spill anything on you. Ah shit sorry”. Nathan felt like internally slapping himself as he bustled about trying to pick up the cups that had simultaneously flown off the table. Where was Yuzuru when you needed him? 

The girl laughed airily, and leaned forward. Nathan gulped and instinctively leaned back as her deep v-neck arched dangerously forward. 

“Um yeah sure, uh never better really”. 

The girl giggled and Nathan noticed the sheet of pink lip gloss on her lips. 

“You’re Nathan right? I’ve heard lots about you. You’re that student who got a full scholarship to that really prestigious university in the city right? Wow I didn’t know you were so good looking”. The last part of her sentence was said huskily and she was so close that Nathan could smell her scent, thick and overpowering. While Yuzuru was all about scent-blockers, it was obvious this girl was proud of her scent and flaunted it. A pity that Yuzuru wasn’t the same, Nathan’s brain helpfully supplied, his scent was amazing. 

“My name’s Cherry”, the girl smiled, extending a hand which Nathan warily shook. “Stay here and talk to me for a while”. 

Nathan glanced down at his watch and opened his mouth, ready to politely decline when the girl cut across him impatiently. 

“Aww don’t be such a spoilsport, I promise I’m good company”. Nathan felt a hand crawl up his thigh. He pushed the hand back glanced back down at his watch before he sighed. 

“I guess one drink won’t hurt. But just one ok? I have to find someone after this”.

-----

Yuzuru pushed through the crowds of people. It was late and he was desperately searching for Nathan. He wanted to go home. Somehow, Nathan hadn’t checked any of his texts and wasn’t picking up any of his calls. 

He didn’t notice the guy until he looked up and caught him staring. 

Actually, it was two of them, staring him down, running their eyes up and down his body. Yuzuru felt a shiver run down his spine and he turned away hastily, and set off in the opposite direction. 

As he finally managed to push his way out of the dance floor, he realised that he had reached a long corridor of rooms. Shit. This was Patrick’s house after all right? Yuzuru sighed as he checked his phone again. Just then he heard a door to his right creak open and out stepped Lee and Patrick, both looking inebriated and stenching of alcohol. Their unfocused eyes found Yuzuru’s and Yuzuru started slightly. 

“Um, hey guys! Um I was just wondering if you’ve seen Nathan? Because it’s kind of late and we, uh, sort of have to go, you know packing and everything since we’re leaving on Tuesday”. Even to himself he sounded stupid as fuck and Yuzuru felt like punching himself. 

Lee and Patrick weren’t smiling as they both looked at Yuzuru. Yuzuru felt the discomfort start to slither itself up his spine again. 

It was a long time before either of them spoke. 

“Seriously, what is up with you and Chen? What exactly do you see in him, man?” Lee sighed as he ambled forward unsteadily towards Yuzuru. Alarmed, Yuzuru took a step back, only to bump into something solid. Giving a squeak of surprise, he turned around, only to have horror flood through his body. It was the same two guys from just now and they were wearing the exact same expression as previously. Yuzuru finally knew why he was so uncomfortable with their stares. They were looking at him like they wanted to eat him. 

Lee grinned at the two men behind him. 

“Hey, Jarred, Colin. Look who we got here”. Yuzuru had never felt so threatened in his life and all his instincts were telling him to run. 

The tall man- Jarred smiled as he put a hand on Yuzuru’s waist before pulling him close. 

“What’s a pretty omega like you doing around here? Shouldn’t you have left ages ago?” His words were slurred and Yuzuru pushed against him. 

“L...Let go of me!” He tried to sound fierce and demanding but all he came across as was exactly how he was feeling- terrified. 

“Ooohh Jarred look you’ve scared the omega!” Lee’s voice was taunting as he ran a hand through Yuzuru’s hair. 

“If you don’t let go of me now-” , 

“You’ll what? Kick me? Get Chen to come beat me up?” Everyone let out hoots of racuous laughter. Yuzuru’s eyes widened as he felt the hands move lower. 

“If you touch me, Nathan’s going to come, he knows I’m here and-”

“Please omega, Chen doesn’t know you’re here and he’s too preoccupied anyway”, the guys smirked at each other knowingly. “No one’s ever going to know you’re here”. 

And as it finally dawned on Yuzuru what was going to happen, he opened his mouth, ready to shout for help, but somehow, the shout never came because the next thing he knew, something large and heavy was sent crashing into his head, and now everything was black. 

-----

It was a pounding headache that Nathan awoke to and he got up with a slight groan. 

The house was in shambles, with booze cans littered across the floor and overturned boxes of cheerios all over the floor. Sprawled in his lap was an omega girl, her shirt unzipped, showing off her lacy black bra. Nathan nearly yelped as he hastily pushed the girl off him. She hit the floor with a thud but didn’t so much as stir. What had happened and more importantly, where was Yuzuru? 

Nathan whipped out his phone and stared in horror at the 9 missed calls and 19 text messages. 

Nathan, where are you?! 

Pick up your phone you goddamn asshole where the hell are you? 

But it was the last message that really did him in. 

Nathan, please pick up your phone. I want to go home. Please.  

It didn’t even take a microsecond before Nathan had whipped his phone out and was frantically dialling Yuzuru’s number which he had memorized since he first got a cellphone back in tenth grade. 

Yuzuru picked up after four rings. 

“Hello? Nathan?” Yuzuru’s voice sounded croaky and hoarse, as if he had lost his voice. 

“Ohmygod Yuzuru I’m so sorry I don’t know what happened, I just- where are you right now?” Everything came out in one breath and Nathan stood up frantically from the couch, spilling a dozen more cheetos in the process. 

“I’m still in the house”. Yuzuru’s voice sounded small and frail and Nathan felt the panic building in his chest at an alarming rate. If there was one thing he learnt about Yuzuru Hanyu, it was that he was never small or vulnerable. 

“I’ll come find you now. Tell me where you are”. Nathan tried to keep the anxiety from bleeding into his voice. 

“Down the hallway, second room from the right”. 

“Okay. I’m coming now”. Nathan hung up and was sprinting across the living room. He had only been to Patrick’s house once, but he was pretty sure he knew which hallway Yuzuru was talking about. When he reached the doorway it didn’t hesitate at all before he pushed the door open. 

------

Yuzuru was sitting up on the rumpled bedcovers, his legs lolling over the edge. He looked up when Nathan entered and it was that precise moment that Nathan felt his heart break and crack into a million pieces. 

It wasn’t really the fact that Yuzuru’s shirt was hanging off his limp frame, or how his pants had been thrown onto the floor. It wasn’t even the fact that Nathan saw the slick mixed with blood trailing down the inner side of Yuzuru’s thigh that made his stomach clench. 

It was the look of utter despair and disgust that was painted across Yuzuru’s face. Streaked just like the tear tracks that had slid down his cheeks. 

“Nathan. I was waiting for you”. Yuzuru smiled weakly at him as started to get onto his feet before trembling and falling onto the floor on all fours. 

“Yuzu!” Nathan rushed forward, falling onto his knees as Yuzuru dry heaved. Nathan gently pried Yuzuru off the floor and tried to help him stand up, balancing Yuzuru’s weight against his chest. Yuzuru collapsed bonelessly against him, legs threatening to give way again. 

It was no use. 

Using one arm, he hooked Yuzuru’s legs up and lifted him before twisting him onto his back such that he was piggybacking him. Nathan tried to ignore the pain at how tightly Yuzuru’s thighs gripped around his arms, or how the blood was slowly staining his white dress shirt. 

“Nathan. I waited for you for so long. Why didn’t you come?” Yuzuru murmured softly against his ear. If it was any situation, Nathan’s ears would have gone beet red and he would have difficulty forming coherent sentences. 

But now, all Yuzuru’s words just seemed to cast an even darker cloud over him and make each step feel even heavier. 

“I’m so so sorry Yuzuru. I’m so sorry. I’m going to get you out of here alright?” 

Nathan could feel Yuzuru give a small smile into his hair. 

“What matters is that you came. You came back”. 

And with that, Nathan felt his heart shatter and break all over again, each shard piercing into him incessantly until there was nothing left. 

-------

It had been a whole full day and Yuzuru still hadn’t come out from his room. Yumi was beside herself with distress, but as much as she pleaded Nathan to tell her what was wrong, Nathan remained mum. It was a secret that he himself had no right to tell. 

He visited every day, stayed for hours knocking on the door, calling out Yuzuru’s name, using soft gentle tones to try and coax him out. 

It was on Monday that he finally convinced Yumi to use the masterkey and open the door to Yuzuru’s room. 

Nathan was familiar with Yuzuru’s room. He had literally spent his entire childhood locked up there, reading lemony snicket books with Yuzuru till midnight, doing homework, gossiping about teachers, and in later parts, during heat sessions. So, Nathan was pretty sure he knew the room inside out like the back of his hand. 

When he entered, the room was dark, the shutters pulled down. The air was stale. Yuzuru himself was lying in bed, still wearing the same clothes from when Nathan had dropped him off. His back was facing the door, so initially, both Yumi and Nathan couldn’t sense what was wrong, It was only when Yumi bolted ahead of him and started screaming, did Nathan suddenly run to her side. 

Yumi was frantically shaking her son, slipping back into japanese as she started screaming for him to wake up. Yuzuru was unresponsive, and Nathan had never seen someone’s skin so translucent. He could almost see the spidery veins behind Yuzuru’s eyelids. 

He saw the bottle on the floor first. Emptied of it’s contents of Ativan and Halcion. 

Without thinking twice, he scooped Yuzuru into his arms, his legs hanging off limply, before running to the toilet in the hallway. 

Nathan had never exactly been a sporty guy. He was pale, didn’t have muscles, and hated exercise with the same passion he had for chemical engineering. But this time, he ran faster than he had ever done in his life. 

With Yuzuru’s head lolling to the side, Nathan forced his mouth open and braced him against the sink, before wrapping his arms tightly against his waist. 

pump

pump

pump

It didn’t work. Nathan could feel the tears of frustration start welling up in his eyes. 

“Come on, come on!”  he was shouting. In sheer desperation, he thrust his index finger down Yuzuru’s throat, against the pharyngeal wall. He was pretty sure it was the pharyngeal wall that stimulated the gag reflex. For crying out loud, he was leaving tomorrow to study medicine if he got the place wrong he might as well shoot himself. 

This time, the response was instantaneous. Yuzuru choked, eyes fluttering as he coughed dark green bile into the sink. By now, Yumi had reached the toilet and was staring at amazement, too shocked to say anything. 

“Yuzu, I’ve got you. I’m here”. Nathan felt himself say thinly. Yuzuru looked at him through hooded eyes before promptly collapsing into his arms. 

---------

The report took two hours. Nathan wasn’t allowed into the room, only Yumi. He had already called his livid parents, and had promptly hung up and switched off his phone when they demanded he come home. 

Yumi came out, exhausted, her lips drawn into a tight line. The moment she locked eyes with Nathan, Nathan knew that she was angry with him. He got up before she could even say anything, and walked into the room. 

He hated hospitals. Ironic really, given his soon to be profession. But he couldn’t help it. The sounds, colours, the smell of antiseptic. When he was six he had broken his arm and was forced to stay overnight. It was horrible. Until Yuzuru came to visit him with a cupcake. 

Now the roles were reversed, and Nathan braced himself before entering. He had to be strong for Yuzuru, if not for himself. 

--------

The tubes didn’t really surprise him. Nor did the oxygen mask. What surprised him was the bright orange tag around Yuzuru’s wrist. He could feel Yumi enter softly behind him. 

“Why the tag? He just overdose on sleeping pills that’s it”. But even as Nathan heard his voice crack and the doctor look at him skeptically, he knew how fake he sounded. 

“I was about to ask you the same thing”, Yumi intoned softly. Hearing that, Nathan’s heart dropped. 

“I don’t care what oath you swore to Yuzuru, or whatever he told you. I want you to tell me and the doctor here what happened on saturday night”. Yumi’s voice was soft, but seemed thunderous in Nathan’s ears. 

It was there that it all came flooding out. Nathan didn’t even try to deny or cover up what happened. Yumi, to her credit, took the news calmly, and by the time he was finished, she wasn’t the raging, screaming mess he envisioned her to be. 

The on call medical officer, looking almost bored, flipped through the papers in his hand. 

“Your story matches his symptoms. The pill taking was only a result of his fever. Omega fevers usually cause these things to happen”. The doctor wrinkled his nose, and Nathan felt his heart drop into his stomach. Omega fever?

“We’ll transfer him into the one of the wards for now and watch his progress”. The MO’s flippant response was a contrast to Yumi’s stricken face, and seeing this, Nathan felt white hot ropes of anger lash against his insides. 

“What do you mean ‘just transfer him into a ward’? He should be in the intensive care unit now! Omega fevers are serious and the outcomes….” Nathan’s voice faltered, “you need to do something more!” Nathan could feel the surrounding nurse’s shocked eyes and patient’s disapproving stares as Nathan smashed his fist into the table. 

. 

The medical officer’s nostrils flared, and Nathan sensed the spike in his pheromones. 

“Young man, you do not tell me what to do. You’d think I have better things to do than look after omegas that can’t even watch out for themselves properly. Maybe if your omega hadn’t been so loose in the first place, then we wouldn’t be having this conversation!”

--------

Nathan didn’t even recall what happened after that. Everything was just a flurry of activity, and all he could remember were people screaming around him, and the red on his fist after he socked the guy in the nose. Things had escalated quickly after that, the security guards hauling him out of the ward, Yumi calling his parents, and his parents racing down to the hospital at 12am in the morning. 

To put things simply, Nathan felt bloody fantastic. 

He had taken the masterkey from the storeroom and then proceeded into his own room and locked the door. He had put on one ok rock (incidentally also Yuzuru’s favourite band) on maximum volume so he could drown out his parents screaming at him and pounding on his door. 

The first thing he checked was the textbook. He flipped through the pages, scrutinized the table of contents, and came up with little to nothing. All he got under the three page section of ‘common omega illness’, was a short infuriating and utterly useless paragraph. 

Omega fevers while rare, can be deadly if not looked after carefully. If symptoms of omega fever arrive, immediately check in to the nearest general practitioner of your region.

Searching online was almost just as bad. The information about omega fevers was just as helpful as the information given in the textbook. 

Nathan groaned. He was certain he had seen the term in detail before. It had been a long time ago, but he remembered reading about it. It had been given to him as a present. A present from-

Nathan felt his pulse jump as if he was suddenly electrocuted. He was back on his feet and stalking across the room towards his closet where he kept all the things he regarded inconsequential. 

Yanking the closet door open, he found what he was looking for almost immediately. The book was shabby and dog eared, but after years of seeing no sunlight, the colours of the book still remained as vivid as ever. 

As a young boy, Nathan had remembered recoiling slightly when he opened his present under the christmas tree. His Aunt Ashley had given him the book when he had turned ten and it was proven that he was an alpha. At that time though, Nathan had cringed when he read the title “What makes a good mate”, because his aunt had just automatically assumed he would present as an omega. His mother, too, had tutted upon seeing the book, and later when his aunt had left, had told Nathan to throw it out. According to her, the book contained questionable material, and was unsuitable for young boys of his age. It was his mother’s order, really, that cemented Nathan’s desire to keep the book. Nathan had flipped through the pages after, with both borderline fascination and disgust. 

Now though, Nathan saw the book in a whole new light. Turning the nightlight on, his trembling hands slowly flipped through the pages.

Chapter Text

Shoma could feel Yuzuru’s soft curves through his thin shirt when they hugged. Yuzuru looked positively radiant. His face was flushed healthily, and Shoma could see that he had put on a little more weight, especially around his cheeks. As Yuzuru leaned heavily against him, Shoma could catch Yuzuru’s usual scent of mint and juniper, as well as the distinctive smell of milk and musky alpha pheromones, mixing with Yuzuru’s natural sweet omega scent and sending out a silent warning to Shoma. 

The conversation seemed to blur around Shoma as Yuzuru detached himself neatly from Shoma to give the other skaters around them a friendly hug. Yuzuru was laughing and had a protective hand circling his belly. ‘Yes, about five months now! I know! Shohei is so excited! He-’ 

Shoma felt hot jealousy curl in his stomach. 

He hated Shohei.

When Yuzuru had first announced that they were dating, it had come as a shock to everyone. He remembered Kanako whispering to him during the ice show that she had met Shohei, and that he was a complete opposite from Yuzuru. Where Yuzuru was all bubbly laughter and warm smiles, Shohei was prolonged silences and long gazes. 

Initially, Shoma hadn’t minded their relationship that much. Sure, he was jealous of Shohei, but he thought it wouldn’t be such a big deal because he was sure that they wouldn’t last. Whenever Shoma thought of that, he would feel guilt surge across his body, but now, all it did was serve as vindictive bitterness. 

Yuzuru was a pretty private person, so even though he had announced that he was in a relationship with Shohei over the team japan line group, he still revealed little about the dynamics of their relationship. There was no sound or picture of Shohei, so as the months passed, Shoma had simply assumed that the relationship had fizzled out, just as how all of Yuzuru’s other partnerships had. 

He only realised the depth of their relationship when Shohei appeared in Boston. 

It had been totally unexpected and unprecedented to say in the least. It had happened during the short programme practise. Shoma knew that Yuzuru was bummed out and pissed, given what had happened with that other Kazakhstan skater. Shoma had tried to cheer him up, but it hadn’t really worked and all Yuzuru would offer him was a wane smile. It frustrated Shoma and he didn’t, couldn’t understand why Yuzuru hadn’t been cheered up in the least by his attempt. 

And then Shohei appeared and everything changed. 

Shoma had been standing at the boards when it happened. Most of the skaters were at the boards by then, waiting impatiently to leave, and only Yuzuru was out on the ice because he was the last for the music run through. 

Shoma had been drinking from his bottle, listening to what Mihoko had to say, while glancing at his watch from time to time. He was exhausted and he needed a nap. 

The high pitched squeal from across the ice almost caused him to drop his bottle onto the sleek ice. 

Yuzuru was laughing, skating towards the far end of the rink, where the boards curved around, towards the judges table. Today was private practise day, so there was neither fans nor media present. 

Shoma tried to focus on who Yuzuru was hurriedly skating towards to. He had never seen Yuzuru move so fast across the ice, his movements cutting deep edges and drawing almost everyone’s eyes to him. 

It was then that Shoma really did drop his bottle. It thudded onto the ice, and the cap burst open, spilling water across the ice. The water froze instantaneously, leaving hard little droplets against the once smooth glass-like surface. 

It was the first time that Shoma had seen Shohei Otani in person, and he set a striking image. He was tall, impossibly tall, and broad too, and Yuzuru was so tiny compared to him. Shoma watched, both in horror and envy as Yuzuru gave him a hug, his skates lifting off the ice a few centimetres as Shohei reciprocated similarly. 

Next to him, Shoma could hear Adam Rippon whispering something to his coach, who promptly grinned and quipped back something in english. Mihoko herself seemed too stunned to say anything. 

Shoma quickly strained his neck to check the expressions of Yuzuru’s coach and his trainer Kikuchi-san. The two seemed unperturbed by Yuzuru’s behavior, though they did appear to be a little shocked. Orser-san simply shook his head resignely at Javier Fernandez who promptly gave a bark like laugh before snatching up his phone and taking a shot of the pair, “for blackmail material” he informed Orser-san who simply sighed. 

Shoma could see Yuzuru saying something he couldn’t make out to Shohei, who simply nodded and remained just as expressionless as before. 

Shoma couldn’t see what Yuzuru saw in that guy. He was like a block of stone. Their personalities were so contrasting it made Shoma’s head spin.

Then, just as quickly as he had come, Shohei Otani was walking out, and Yuzuru was skating back to the boards, the brightest smile on his face Shoma had seen for days.

Clutched in his hands, Shoma could make out a red and yellow fuzzball. He wasn’t paying so much attention to that as compared to the sudden smell that flooded his senses and caused his vision to darken around the edges. 

Yuzuru, who applied scent blockers literally wherever he went, Yuzuru who hated anyone mentioning his second gender, Yuzuru who was a spokesperson for omega rights, Yuzuru had a scent that was so strong that for a second Shoma felt like clasping a hand against his nose. 

He had caught whiffs of Yuzuru’s scent before, during their brief hugs, in flashing moments of happiness on podiums, and that rare time Yuzuru had been drunk on sake at Kanako’s house. But those were nothing compared to the full on assault Shoma was suffering from.

Yuzuru had the most amazing scent. It was of fresh mint and juniper and it reminded Shoma of a crisp autumn’s day in Nagoya. Shoma could see that he wasn’t the only person intoxicated by Yuzuru’s scent. Alphas and omegas alike turned their heads to watch Yuzuru chat animatedly to his coach, and Shoma swore he saw Jin Boyang hastily adjust the front of his pants. 

Yuzuru’s coach must have said something to Yuzuru, because immediately his scent died back down and the fragrance of cool and fresh were already becoming nothing but faint hints in the now still air. 

Mihoko’s stern voice brought him back to his senses. 

He knew she knew. 

But he didn’t care. 

As Shoma bent back down to pick up his bottle, he saw out of the corner of his eye Yuzuru attach the fuzzy pooh bear keychain from Shohei onto his phone. 

-------

Shoma lost in the end. So did Yuzuru. 

Yuzuru was upset. Shoma was devastated.

He hadn’t been invited back to the gala performance so Shoma had stayed in his hotel room, playing video games, sleeping and sulking. At seven he had promptly gotten up, took a shower, changed into his tux and got ready to go downstairs for the gala dinner. 

Dinner had been okay, Yuzuru’s designated spot had been next to him but he left so frequently to take photos he might as well have sat somewhere else. But Shoma wasn’t too disappointed about that. He was used to it by now. 

He had ended dinner in a fairly good mood. He had just gotten out the elevator when he came face to face with Yuzuru, who had his overnight bag slung over his shoulder and his hand carried luggage trailing behind him. 

“Hi Sho-kun”. Yuzuru smiled as he ruffled Shoma’s hair. Shoma felt his touch like electricity buzzing across his skin, sending an unwanted jolt up his spine. 

“Hi Yuzu”. 

Shoma hoped Yuzuru couldn’t feel the tension and want bleeding through each syllable.

Yuzuru obviously couldn’t because he beamed back at Shoma and pressed the elevator button for down, having missed the one that Shoma just got off. 

“You going somewhere?” 

Yuzuru shot Shoma a conspiratorial wink before smiling. 

“I’m staying over at Shohei’s for a couple of days. He’s in boston here to try out for the red sox”. 

The moment the words were off Yuzuru’s lips, Shoma could feel a cold fist clenching around his heart. 

Yuzuru would be staying with Shohei. Yuzuru would be staying with Shohei alone . 

“Yuzu I-” 

Shoma was cut off by the sudden and unwanted loud ding of the elevator bell. 

“Ah! I have to go Shoma or I’ll miss my taxi. See you at fantasy on ice ok?” and with that, Yuzuru Hanyu was disappearing. 

------

Shoma opened his eyes again and the world was brought back to it’s sharp present. The other skaters were laughing and joking with Yuzuru. Mai had a hand on Yuzuru’s belly and was squealing. Kanako was fussing over Yuzuru’s bags, and Nobu was just being Nobu, laughing and teasing Yuzuru. 

“Look at you! You’ve gotten so fat now!” 

Yuzuru pouted as he glared at Nobu. 

“I’m not fat, baby just taking up a lot of space”. Yuzuru’s eyes softened as he patted his tummy. 

“I’m so glad you could come back for a little while at least”, Kanako sighed as she lifted Yuzuru’s haversack for him. 

“You must miss home terribly”. 

Yuzuru sighed as he grabbed his bag back from Kanako. 

“Is not so bad with Shohei there. Anyway, this is just temporary thing. Once baby is born we will come back for good”. Yuzuru beamed. 

Suddenly, Yuzuru was turning to Shoma and Shoma felt himself tense involuntarily, even after so many years. 

“So, how’s my new world champion doing?” 

All eyes were on him and Shoma felt himself freeze. 

“Um..I..” 

A large shriek interrupted him as a wild evgenia medvedeva almost tackled Yuzuru over. 

“Ohmygod yuzu is that you ohmygod you look amazing wow! Shit you have to come meet the others!!” And with that, Evgenia was pulling Yuzuru away from their intimate little circle. Kanako frowned darkly at Evgenia’s retreating back. 

“Six years and that alpha girl still hasn’t gotten over Yuzuru”. 

Internally Shoma laughed at the irony of it all. 

-----

When they got to the rink, Yuzuru was surrounded by a crowd of people.

“Yuzu! I’ve missed you!”

“Wow you look so different!”

“Can we take a picture together?” 

And with that, Shoma found himself taking a very unwanted, very uncalled for path down memory lane. 

---

Yuzuru sat in the centre. Shoma sat to his left while Javier sat to his right. 

“Hanyu-san do you intend to continue skating after the olympics? And if so, which direction do you think your skating will be heading?” 

Yuzuru smiled, and cameras flashed, burning Shoma’s retinas.

“I’m very glad you asked that question and I think it is the perfect question for me at today’s press conference”. 

Shoma watched as Yuzuru fiddled with his earpiece, before promptly taking it out. 

“About my future, well, that’s really a big question isn’t it?” 

Next to Yuzuru, Shoma could see Javier trying to hide his smirk. 

“Firstly I would like to say that while I am at the pinnacle of my skating career, some things will always come before skating for me”. Shoma watched as Yuzuru heaved a deep breath before closing his eyes briefly. When he opened his eyes again, Shoma swore he had never seen such intensity ablaze in Yuzuru’s eyes, not even while he was in competition. 

“As an omega, I’ve always had a natural instinct to find a mate, settle down and have pups of my own, but because of my career, I have been unable to do so”. The room was silent except for the frantic typing on computers, the clicking of cameras and the hasty scribbles of pens. 

“I’m happy to say,” Yuzuru paused, “that I’ve found someone I want to spend the rest of my life with, and thus, because of that, I am ready to retire from competitive figure skating, and pass the baton on to my skating juniors. I would like to settle down and start focusing on my private life from now on. That is all. Thank you very much”. 

The room was silent before the sudden ripple of explosion blew across the room. 

“You are ready to give up your career just for your mate?” 

“You are a spokesperson for omega rights and yet you are still willing to give up anything, everything, just for your mate? Even at the pinnacle of your career?” 

“How did you meet your mate and is he a figure skater too?” 

The last question drew some long looks at Javier who was innocently inspecting his nails. Shoma guessed that everyone had suspected they were together at least during one point of their lives, and they weren’t wrong, just that Javier and Yuzuru had been nothing more than friends with benefits for a short while. Shoma still remembers the day Mihoko had told him. She had shook her head disapprovingly while pursing her lips. 

“Havoc I tell you. You stay clear from him Shoma, you don’t know how much he gets around. He might pull you in too”. 

Back then Shoma had laughed and told Mihoko to stop being so stiff, lighten up. They were in the 21st century, omegas could sleep with whomever they wanted to. Now, he thought bitterly, Mihoko was right. He should have steered clear of Yuzuru Hanyu, before he was pulled in by him, pulled so fast and so deep that once entrapped he knew he could never get out. 

Shoma’s musings were broken by the laugh into the microphone. 

“That’s for me to know and for you keep on guessing isn’t it?” Yuzuru playfully smirked as the cameras went flashing and Shoma heard Javier audibly groan. 

-----

Shoma was glad that the current Yuzuru at least hadn’t lost any of his spunk, even if he did have difficulty standing straight and he no longer walked so much as he waddled along, weighed down by his tummy. 

Shoma could tell Yuzuru was tired, as much as Yuzuru smiled and chatted with the people around him. His hands would flutter to his belly so often, sometimes just tiny strokes, but when someone leaned too closed, the long fingers would encircle the lump protectively. Shoma tried not to imagine how Yuzuru would look, glowing and radiant with his child instead, Yuzuru’s fingers pushed protectively against something he helped to create. Yuzuru loving him instead. 

These nasty thoughts hadn’t crept up onto Shoma for a long time, and now that they were here he felt disgusted with himself. Recoiling, Shoma tried to school his thoughts into positive things. 

Good vibes.

Chapter Text

Yuzuru is very pretty.

Shoma’s not sure when this thought occurs to him exactly, but definitely at least before this Junior GPF Final, he finds himself looking at Yuzuru and wondering when exactly the gangliness, chubby cheeks and slight lisp that characterised his biggest rival since Novice days, had given way to the soft, pretty, Yuzuru of today. Now, as Yuzuru laughs, a bright chirpy thing that reverberates across the team Japan banquet table like a sigh, Shoma reflects that maybe he might have the tiniest of crushes on his senior.

Problem is, Shoma guesses, knows, he’s definitely not the only one that thinks the same. Beside him, Sota seems to hang on to every word that Yuzuru says, and had downright blushed and stammered like a tween girl when Yuzuru had smiled and asked him from across the table ‘so how was your first ever GPF experience?’

Sota being starstruck and having a crush, Shoma can deal with. It’s the other thing, the appraising glances by the older JSF reps when Yuzuru’s head is turned; the head judge representing the JSF pressing closer to Yuzuru as the night progresses, trying to push a cup of amber beverage into his hands even after Yuzuru’s polite smiles and shake of the head; and finally when the man presses so close into Yuzuru’s side that Shoma sees the first crack to the bubbly and fun Yuzuru of the night, a flash of discomfort that disappears as quickly as it appears when Yuzuru catches his eye. Shoma is still in junior’s, he’s young and has nowhere near accumulated the goodwill that Yuzuru has in his 3 years ahead of him in the field. Already, Shoma feels like he is struggling to keep afloat. If he plunges into this thing, dark and deep, and nowhere near decipherable yet, Shoma has a feeling he won’t be emerging from its depths again.

“Shoma-kun, don’t you find Fushiwara-san’s suggestion interesting? Lowering the age limit for the Nobeyama camp would definitely help to widen the pool of talent and better prepare Japan’s aces for the future.”

Yuzuru’s voice is even, and his smile wide, but somehow it doesn’t seem to reach his eyes. Everyone turns to face Shoma, even Fushiwara-san who stills in his antics of leaning heavily against Yuzuru, and Makimoto-san on Sota’s left, who seconds ago seemed to have been caring about nothing but emptying the bottom of his glass.

Shoma exhales, and meet’s Yuzuru’s gaze head on.

“That’s a good suggestion. But I do think the current age limit also ensures that younger skaters are thoroughly prepared both physically and mentally before they undertake larger responsibilities. They should be given the chance to develop further and gain more confidence in themselves before they get thrown into the crazy figure skating world”. Shoma ends his sentence with a laugh, light-hearted and easy, as the rest of the table, maybe not listening as closely as they should have, laughs with him and moves onto the next topic at hand.

Yuzuru however, does not laugh, and neither does Kobayashi-san, the nice lady on Yuzuru’s right. Instead, Yuzuru was looking at Shoma carefully now, curious and assessing, something deeper in his gaze that Shoma wasn’t sure how to interpret. But with the small smile playing on Kobayashi-san’s lips and her hidden look of approval, Shoma knows instinctively that he has said the right thing.

Whatever tension between him and Yuzuru seemed to diffuse as Fushiwara-san gives a loud guffaw at something Takahito Mura says, that requires him to sling an arm around Yuzuru’s shoulders and slap his back enthusiastically. This time, Yuzuru’s look of annoyance is obvious and the quicksilver frown he shoots Shoma a touch disdainful, even as Shoma knows it’s not directed at him. Kobayashi-san must sense the slight tick in anger, because she gives Yuzuru a warning glance which Yuzuru notices, and has him stiffening for a second, before he goes completely boneless, relaxing into Fushiwara-san’s side and giggling, something easy and infectious, but now forced to Shoma’s ears.

Shoma wants to stand up, punch Fushiwara, and then rattle Yuzuru because what is he doing? But even as his muscles tense up, and Sota notices, enough to poke his side under the table, a shadow is looming over the table, and all conversation ceases abruptly.

Javier Fernandez cuts a striking figure, especially now that Shoma is seeing him up close, handsome features, and a steadiness to him that’s sure and comforting. Shoma jumps involuntarily as he feels a firm palm land on his shoulder, the warmth spreading through the thick suit jacket and making Shoma feel like he’s suddenly sunk into a hot bath.

Fernandez addresses the table, his accent thick, and with Shoma’s almost non-existent grasp of English, he knows he has no chance of understanding whatever he just said. But it seems like half the table is having trouble keeping up too, given the several open mouthed stares and puzzled expressions, with Tatsuki even whispering something which sounds suspiciously like a translation to Rika. But with that doleful tone, and the gesticulating to Yuzuru with his free left hand, Shoma can connect the dots.

Fernandez has barely finished speaking before Yuzuru is jumping to his feet, so quick that he nearly sends Fushiwara sprawling.

“Apologies everyone, but it seems like my coach has suddenly called saying he has to discuss our flight schedules for tomorrow. Javi here is relaying the message on his behalf”. Yuzuru bowed to the table before turning and bowing directly to Fushiwara. The pout he’s wearing seems a bit of an overkill in Shoma’s opinion, but the other skaters lap it up, nodding enthusiastically and urging Yuzuru on with their hands and eager smiles.

“Please excuse me, and I will only be gone a moment. Thank you very much for excusing me”. And with that, Yuzuru is quickly stepping away, Shoma feels the weight on his shoulder disappear, and he watches as Fernandez leads the way surely towards the doors of the banquet room, Yuzuru in tow like a shadow. The two don’t touch, but as Fernandez opens the door for Yuzuru, clenching the door handle so fiercely his hand flexes white, Shoma feels something like a shiver pass through him.

The niggling feeling he has just gets worse as Shoma returns to the mood of the table. The other skaters seem relaxed enough, talking amongst themselves, with Tatsuki and Takahito even fiddling with their phones. But it’s another thing with the JSF reps. Kobayashi-san worries her bottom lip with her teeth, and she too seems to be thumbing her phone. Makimoto-san has now sidled into Yuzuru’s empty seat and is conversing with Fushiwara-san, who’s gaze, Shoma notices, has not left the door. He’s also stopped smiling and laughing, and is instead silent as he drinks from his glass.

“Hey, what do you think that was about?” Sota’s voice is soft enough that only Shoma can hear, and Shoma knows from Sota’s ramrod straight posture that he’s tense, and maybe, not as obtuse as Shoma thought he was. Mentally, Shoma takes note to revisit this observation for later. Sota might prove to be a sticky and wry competitor yet.

“I’m not sure, but better not to think too deeply. Let’s just see what happens”. It’s whispered under his breath, before he quickly stuffs a piece of whatever had been on his plate into his mouth, and tries to push everything that just happened to the back of his mind.

Still, it’s not lost on Shoma that for the rest of the night, Yuzuru never returns to their table. The banquet ends eventually, and even then, Shoma doesn’t bump into Yuzuru at the hotel lobby, the elevators, or even the floor that the entire Team Japan was on. Luckily, Shoma is not the junior GPF and world champion for nothing, and he’s had experience tuning out the more unpleasant things in life. He showers after Sota, falls into bed, and lets everything wash over him

Chapter Text

Yuzuru wins the Games, and Shoma expects their life to change dramatically, for the better. 

And initially, it really feels that way, when Shoma reaches the train station and there's TV and the mayor there, all ready to welcome Yuzu home. But the size of the crowd throws Shoma off because he had thought there would be throngs of well wishes, neighbours and practically the whole District turning up to greet his cousin, just like how the whole District had turned up in force when Javier Fernandez had won 4 years before Yuzu did. On that day, the Academy had arranged for them to hold the banners and prepare the flowers for Javier, although it had been Yuzu, the face of the Academy, who had the honour of presenting the bouquet into Javier’s hands. 

This time though, there’s no banners, no flowers and the only people around him are friends and family. Kikuchi-san stands to his left, his silver haired head bowed, while Machiko stands solemnly behind Shoma. The only person who seemed absolutely thrilled and excited was Mone, who was clutching the hem of Shoma’s jacket firmly with her right hand, jabbering away while her left hand shook “ pooh-san ”, the raggedy and stuffed yellow bear toy that Shoma had watched Yuzu painstakingly sew in the lead up to his departure for the Games. Already, Kikuchi-san had to gently chide her for jumping around and disrupting everyone, but today, Mone in all her six-year-old exuberance, would not be deterred. 

“Shoma-kun, where is Yuzu aniki? Why doesn’t he come out?” Mone’s now tearful eyes were turned on him, and Shoma tried his best to smile for the cameras that swivelled their way as he patted her head. 

“Don’t worry Mone. He’s probably just getting ready for the cameras over there, see? Everything’s fine, he’ll be out any second now”, Shoma grinned, even as he felt his stomach give a painful little twist. 

Shoma had only seen Yuzu in the promos for the Games and then when the Games began, up till it was down to the final five tributes, when the Academy decided to suddenly cut the footage at the most exciting part, during Yuzu’s fight with the District one and two boys, when Yuzu after finishing off the District two boy with a slash to the throat, had finally been pinned to the ground, snarling and trying to throw off the District one boy who had sat firmly on Yuzu’s hips. Why the Academy did so, Shoma still had no clue, but he suspected it was likely because they thought Yuzu wasn’t going to win, although that in itself was puzzling since the Academy didn’t seem to have any qualms before in letting them watch seniors they had trained with, fall during the course of the Games. It was supposed to be a good learning experience anyway, to see where they had failed and consider what they could have done better if they had lived to tell the tale. 

In any case, Shoma had been immediately pulled out of training, and sent home to Machiko. This automatically meant having to baby-sit Mone while Kikuchi-san was out at work and it had been a painful, teeth-pulling two weeks as he was basically shut at home, with no news on what was happening in the outside world when Machiko and Kikuchi-san had pulled out the TV in their respective homes. All the confirmation he would get was that Yuzu was still in the running, and no, there was nothing to worry about, just that Mone shouldn’t be watching any more of the Games because remember the nightmares she was having? Everyone had then forced the responsible older sibling card on him, which to Shoma was ridiculous, since Yuzu was the older brother of Mone, not him, and second, Shoma who was actually going into the selection pool of the Games would have benefiting from watching Yuzu, the Academy’s star, achieve what he had spent his whole life training for. 

Instead, Shoma was left to rot at home, with nothing but a distressed Mone and two mum adults for company. When he was eventually told of Yuzu’s win, Shoma thought that finally the house arrest would end and he could go back to training or bask in being related to the victor of the 276th Hunger Games, only to be told that he would need to continue to stay at home and look after Mone as Kikuchi-san was too busy doing interviews and preparing for Yuzu’s return. The TV guys hadn’t even bothered to interview Mone this time, even though when it was down to the final 10 tributes, the guys had been tripping over their feet to meet Yuzu’s little sister, the only person he would “ bet his life for ” and “ come home to, no matter what ”. Hell, Shoma and Mone weren’t even allowed to watch Yuzu’s post-Games interview. 

“But if everything is ok, why are they looking at us?” Mone whispered, just as Kikuchi-san’s arm came around firmly around Shoma’s shoulders, giving him a little squeeze and squashing Mone between them. 

“They are only staring out of curiosity, Mone-chan. You remember how Yuzu-kun gave us strict instructions to stay at home as the Game reached the end? They haven’t seen us in a while, so of course everyone is looking to see how well you are doing”. Kikuchi’s gentle smile was enough for Mone, as she nodded, and gave a brave little smile to the neighbour down the street who startled and quickly dropped her gaze back to her feet.

But Kikuchi’s assurances weren’t enough for Shoma. 

Everyone was looking at them strange, and it definitely wasn’t in the “ aren’t they lucky, I’m sure they must be doing so well ” kind of way that they had been getting in the lead up to the Games. Now, the gazes were sad and some even pitying. 

And no one seemed to want to meet their eyes for long. 

Shoma’s stomach squeezed even tighter. 

Suddenly, the TV guys were standing, and flashes were going off, momentarily blinding Shoma as he heard Mone give a little shriek and tear forward before Kikuchi-san could stop her. His vision dancing, Shoma could make out Mone running forward towards the doors of the train, which were now open, with three people standing in the doorway.

Throughout their District and within the Academy, everyone had known that Yuzuru Hanyu, the poor, orphaned oldest brother, whose parents had passed during the earthquake and tsunami that struck their village three years ago, would be District 4’s chosen tribute for the 276th Games. Yuzu had the perfect backstory; the perfect motivation to be a tribute, joining the Academy to protect his younger sister from signing up from extra grain and increasing her slots in being called up, the perfect looks and the skills to boot. Other than Javier Fernandez, who had been selected four years prior, Yuzu had been practically unbeatable in all their classes, and the trainers had claimed he was the prodigy that had finally come to lift District 4 out of its slump. When Yuzu had been reaped, the Capitol had gone crazy for his “ rare, exotic features ” and he had caused a craze in the polls after receiving a perfect training score against the other tributes. The final nail in the coffin for being the favourite tribute going into the Games had come once Yuzuru did his tribute interview with Mansai, with Yuzu floating dreamily onto stage in a skin-tight white feathered top with its plunging neckline accentuating Yuzu’s collarbones and slender frame. Shoma admitted he had done a double taken when he saw Yuzu then because he never knew his cousin could look beautiful , but he did that night, and later when he stole the show talking about Mone and how he had promised her he would come home. 

Now, as Shoma’s eyes adjusted to the light, he took in Yuzu properly for the first time in weeks. 

Physically, Yuzu looked the best Shoma had seen in years. He wore his hair naturally, bangs out, instead of artfully styled up with all the hairspray and whatnot that he seemed to sport during the promos for the Games. He was still skinny, but then again Yuzu had always been skinny, so there was no cause for concern there, especially since Yuzu had been wont for lack of sponsors throughout his time in the Games. Now though, there was a healthy pink flush to Yuzu’s cheeks that Shoma had never before seen on Yuzu’s face, and his skin seemed to glow , pearly white, and almost too perfect for Shoma to believe. But as Shoma locks in on Yuzu’s eyes, he feels something like a shiver pass through him. 

Yuzu’s eyes, alive and fiery as Shoma had always known them, were vacant, even as Yuzu smiled and bowed at the thinly gathered crowd who had broken out into a smattering of applause. Something of the old Yuzu’s gaze flickers in Yuzu’s eyes as Mone barrels into him, shrieking with delight. This time, the crowd begins clapping for real, with some hoots as Yuzu lifts Mone into his arms into a full bodied hug and the cameras flash again. 

But, as Kikuchi-san reaches the front to tug Mone out of Yuzu’s arms, Yuzu lets his hands fall limp and he lets Kikuchi-san carry a laughing Mone away. It’s then that Shoma knows something is very seriously wrong, because in what universe would Yuzuru just let Mone be lifted away from his arms like that, without putting up some kind of fight or at least playing up the moment for the cameras? And maybe Shoma is not the only one who is startled by this behaviour as he sees Kikuchi-san hesitate, a flash of fear crossing his face and disappearing just as quick as it comes as he smiles his familiar gentle smile and turns swiftly back to melt into the crowd with Mone. Meanwhile, the vacant smile was back on Yuzu’s face as he stared serenely out into the crowd, glassy eyed as he shook the mayor’s hand and then giggled on cue, giving “ a smile for the cameras, sweetheart ” as the cameramen stopped in front of him, blocking Shoma’s view of Yuzu yet again. Instead, all Shoma could see was Javier Fernandez, Yuzu’s mentor flanking Yuzu on the right, and Brian Orser, on Yuzu’s right. 

Javier Fernandez cuts a striking figure and in all his bronzed skin and tousled hair, looked the greek god to Yuzu’s alabaster one. Shoma is used to seeing Javier’s easy grins, his hands around the waist of a new girlfriend or lover as the Capitol tabloids and tv ads like to post about, or even the look of triumph or fury during the hundreds of reruns the Academy made them watch of Javier’s historic win in the 263rd Games. With his beginnings at the docks of District 4, Shoma remembered how the entire District erupted into celebration when Javier had received his sponsor gift, a steel trident, during the Games. After that, there was no stopping Javier, and within ten days, the Games were over, and Javier was crowned the victor, standing before the fallen girl tribute from District eight, the trident wedged deep between her ribs, her blood already oxidising on the trident's cool steel prongs. 

This time though, Javier Fernandez isn’t smiling, his face dark and stony as he stared straight ahead, still handsome despite the tightly suppressed anger prominent in the contours of his jaw. It’s completely strange, and obviously noted by others too, as Brian Orser places a subtle hand on the small of Javier’s back, and Shoma watches in real time, the anger bleed out of Javier’s face instantaneously, replaced with the famous smile that had the cameras flashing once again. 

The rest of the welcome ceremony passes in a blur for Shoma. He sits through a couple of speeches, and then has to bring Mone to the washroom, and then has to run back to the washroom when Mone realises she left pooh-san by the sink. By the time he’s back in his seat, the mayor has sat back down and Yuzu has finally taken the stage.

Shoma has grown up with Yuzu, idolised him and seen him at his absolute lowest, sobbing and shaking the night of the tsunami and earthquake, and at his absolute best, standing proud and strong as he stood on the reaping stage, eyes sparkling and ready to represent District 4. 

But the Yuzu on stage now, is a Yuzu that Shoma has never seen before in his life.

Yuzu’s speech starts off normally enough, he thanks the District, his mentors and the Capitol for this amazing opportunity of being able to stand on the highest stage to c elebrate the Capitol’s great generosity in letting the Districts participate in the Games. Sure, the glassy, vacant look hasn’t left Yuzu’s eyes at all, and Yuzu is maybe giggling, laughing and swaying on stage a lot more than normal, but things still seem fine. It’s when the mayor gets up to recount Yuzu’s experience in the Games, asking Yuzu about his final moments in the arena, that the first cracks begin to show. 

Yuzu pauses, and that makes Shoma sit up straighter, because Yuzu, king of confidence and media trained to the T, has always been ready to give an answer no matter how difficult the question is. Hell, Yuzu had smashed Javier’s record score in the Academy for media readiness, and his interview prep was used as reference material during Academy training. But this new Yuzu, this Yuzu pauses as he considers the mayor’s question, and it’s like shutters being pulled down on windows as any light or expression in Yuzu’s eyes evaporates. Next to him, Shoma feels Mone tremble, all excitement gone, and Shoma instinctively grips her small hand in his. 

“I…I don’t recall much about what happened during that final fight with Lysacek”, and Yuzu’s face crumples, like paper being crushed by a fist, magnified on the big projector in the victory square for all to see. And to Shoma, it’s almost like Yuzu folds in on himself, becoming smaller somehow. But suddenly, like a zap to the spine, Yuzu’s face smoothes out, the split second expression of pure despair replaced with that same vapid, glazed look Shoma had seen at the station. 

“But I’m thankful to have emerged as the victor, and I can only thank the Capitol for allowing me to fight such worthy opponents, to represent the sufferings our ancestors had to go through those many years ago and I think that’s worth whatever pain or suffering I may have experienced during that fight even if I can’t recall what happened now”. Yuzu’s sigh into the mic is almost dreamy, and the way it’s delivered is enough to fool the crowd and cameramen who break into loud applause. But Shoma is no fool, and neither is Mone, who has begun trembling in earnest now, pooh-san quivering in her lap. 

“Sho-kun, something’s wrong with aniki”. Mone’s quiet voice cuts through the applause and straight to Shoma, who has nothing to say to that, except to squeeze Mone’s hand. Mone waits, expectantly for more reassuring words like those of Kikuchi-san, but Shoma has never been good at comforting others the way Kikuchi-san, or Yuzu has, with Yuzu always having the right word for a difficult time. As the silence between them stretches on, and the mayor gets back on stage to ramble something, it seems Mone realises Shoma too, has nothing to say, and Shoma feels his heart crack as Mone’s face crumples like Yuzu and she begins to cry softly, burying her face into pooh-san. 

Shoma stares at Yuzu who by now is seated on his place of honour on the stage, smiling with his eyes looking ahead, seemingly at the crowd but yet seemingly at nothing at all. Shoma feels the back of his neck prickle, and he slides his gaze to meet that of Javier Fernandez, straight on, staring at him and Mone. Maybe Mone feels something too, because she looks up from pooh-san and to Javier. 

Javier’s gaze on Shoma had been heavy, making him feel like sour milk had curdled in his stomach. But then Javier looks at Mone, and he gives her a tender, reserved smile, so different from the ones Shoma is accustomed to seeing on Javier’s face. Shoma doesn’t have to look to know that Mone has stopped crying, and he feels the painful grip on his hand lessen. Something warm, something like h ope spreads through Shoma, but then Shoma makes the mistake of looking at Yuzu’s listless eyes again, and it’s dread that threatens to consume him again. 

—-----------

After depositing Mone safely back to Kikuchi-san, Shoma manages to give the pair of them the slip as he navigates through the crowd to Yuma, during the victory dinner after the closing ceremony. 

Yuma startles when he sees him, but politely separates from his father and brother, customers of Kikuchi-san and friends with Yuzu’s family since way back. 

“Shoma-kun. It’s nice to see you, it’s been a while hasn’t it?” Yuma’s voice is relaxed and his smile friendly enough, but Shoma can cut through bullshit easily. 

“You know I’ve been under house arrest for the past few weeks, with no news from you or anyone and this is what you say to me?” The words bubble out of Shoma, hot and angry before he can stop himself. 

If Shoma wasn’t so angry, he would have laughed at the way Yuma’s face instantly paled, eyes immediately darting to the side where his brother and father still laughed, talking animatedly to Kikuchi-san.

“Shoma, I swear it wasn’t like that. You know I would have wanted to reach out, but between the Academy and Machiko-san’s instructions, I just really couldn’t”, Yuma spluttered, and Shoma’s face must display some of the rage he feels because Yuma hastily steps back. Luckily for Yuma, the sudden swell of music around them forces Shoma to stop himself from the fist he had been this close to swinging into Yuma and wiping off the rapidly panicking expression he had on. 

It’s now that Shoma realises the tables have been cleared, a small band set up in the corner, the centre of the room free. It’s a bit gimmicky, doing this for the cameras, but District 4 has always been proud of its boiling pot of culture, the most diverse amongst the districts and there’s no better time than now to show it off than now. The first song is a slow one, a homage to Yuzu and Shoma’s people, which the history books say had come as migrants from a far off land across the ocean, before settling down somewhere along the west coast, or what they all now know as District 4. Their dance isn’t usually done in pairs, so of course Yuzu gets stage front and centre. 

It’s sort of a long-standing grudge between him and Yuzu, but Shoma can’t deny that Yuzu will always have that musicality and grace which innately just makes him a better dancer than Shoma even with all the hours of practice Shoma has put in. Not that Yuzu hadn't practiced a disgusting number of hours to reach the level of beauty he has now, but Shoma can’t help the twinge of jealousy he feels as he watches Yuzu step in time with the music, looking the picture of perfection that has everyone around him enraptured. 

Shoma knows the dance Yuzu has prepared for today. It’s about spring and hope, and Shoma even remembers when Yuzu had conceptualised the dance, in the middle of his small living room as a private performance for Mone, not expecting it to actually take off when he presented it to the Academy officials for official viewing. Even down to the shade of the pretty pink drapery which flows around Yuzu’s body like petals, Shoma knows Yuzu picked with Mone in mind. But the crowd doesn't know that and Shoma’s not even sure that Yuzu knows that now, as he moves to the music, eyes closed and lost to everyone. It’s supposed to be a song to inspire hope and strength, or at least that’s what it had been originally when Yuzu had been laughing, and smiling, bowing to Mone, Kikuchi-san, Machiko and Shoma in their dingy living room but now, with Yuzu alone in the centre, the glare of the spotlight on him, it’s a dance of loneliness, and sorrow for the things in the past which have now disappeared. 

Yuzu’s dance ends, and it’s like the crowd is slowly waking up from a dream, as applause slowly breaks out, and then swells thunderously. But it’s cut short abruptly when music starts up again, sudden and unwelcome, another slow song but this time, not something of District 4, but one of those Capitol songs that the Academy had made all their students learn, with no real steps, just people holding each other and turning around in circles. It’s a mindlessly boring dance, but they had been forced to learn it precisely for events like today. 

A Capitol representative, someone Shoma hadn’t even taken notice of before, steps into the centre where Yuzu stands, dazed and blinking, like a dog out of water, as caught off guard by the change in music as the rest of them. The man, heavyset and strong, from the ripples of muscle in his arm, whether synthetic or real, Shoma can’t tell, but the way he hauls Yuzu to him, grasping his waist and squeezing makes Shoma wince. Shoma isn’t standing close enough to Yuzu to hear his gasp of pain, but he can see the way Yuzu flinches from his touch, and yet continues to smile vapidly, following the man’s lead.

This must go on for less than a minute, but with each passing second, Shoma feels sicker to the stomach, and so does the crowd around him from the whispers he hears and frowns he sees. The blinking red light from the camera indicates they’re still being broadcasted live to the Capitol, but Shoma doesn’t see how watching Yuzu so obviously overcome can make for fun viewing. 

When Javier Fernandez finally strides to the centre, smiling charmingly all the while as he taps on the man’s shoulder, Shoma wants to drop to his knees and thank the gods. From this angle, Shoma has no idea what Javier is saying as he leans in close to whisper something into the man’s ear. But evidently, whatever he says is sufficient, as the man takes an immediate step back, frowning darkly at Javier. But by then it’s too late, and Javier has stepped into his place, his hand now lightly on Yuzu’s waist and angling them away from the cameras.

Now that Shoma can get a clear view of both Yuzu and Javier, something about the way Javier looks at Yuzu makes Shoma pause. It’s a bit like the smile Javier had given Mone earlier, tender and kind, but this time with an undercurrent of something else that Shoma can’t quite figure out. But whatever it is, it has Yuzu relaxing, some of the tension leaving his shoulders as he steps round and around with Javier. He still looks a bit out of it, even as he smiles at whatever Javier seems to say to him, but that cloudy, vacant look in his eyes seems to clear slightly as here and then Yuzu meets Javier’s gaze. 

The moment the slow song ends, Javier doesn’t waste much time. With another winning smile at the cameras, and then, a wink at the band, he brings his fingers to his lips and gives a low whistle. 

It’s instantaneous, the way the crowd, as if rallied by Javier, swells forward onto the dance floor as the jaunty tune of District 4’s most popular folk song, the one of Javier’s people, starts up. It’s a dance where everyone lines up in a circle, clapping and shouting, stamping their feet to the music, before breaking off into fours and then pairs, switching around with different persons in the circle.

Shoma doesn’t know how Javier does it, but in the midst of the chaos and confusion of the cameramen, he deftly manoeuvres Yuzu away from the centre, and towards the fringes in the darkness, where Shoma stands close 

It’s like a switch being pulled, the way Yuzu collapses into Javier’s arms, Javier holding onto Yuzu fast, even as Yuzu’s head lolls on his shoulder. 

“– high as a kite with what they’ve got him on, we need to get him home fast”. Javier’s voice is low and urgent, but loud enough for Shoma to hear him over the music as he speaks to Brian Orser who brings Kikuchi-san in tow. 

Kikuchi-san is remarkably fast on the uptake, in the way he takes Yuzu over from Javier, even as Yuzu giggles and loops his arms around Javier’s neck. 

“Nooo, want to stay with Javi alllll night. Javi is so good to me, so good”. Shoma feels nausea and bile rise to his throat as he watches Yuzu press himself into Javier’s side, Yuzu’s lips ghosting the base of Javier’s neck and the pressure point in Javier’s neck jump as Javier swallowed uncomfortably before hastily manoeuvring Yuzu into Kikuchi san’s waiting arms.

“Whatever it is, it’s very strong. Morphling and some kind of stimulant”. Shoma catches the significant glance Brian exchanges with Javier and Javier’s face darken. “Either way, Javi, I will probably need you to keep the crowd and cameras distracted while I help to get Yuzu back home or somewhere to rest. I think his aunt brought his sister back a while ago so we can cook up some excuse along those lines, I’ll leave it to you”. Brian’s voice is calm, his face displaying none of the fear and confusion that flits across Kikuchi-san’s face. Javier doesn’t say anything, just nods before turning on his heel and disappearing back into the mess of people even as Yuzu’s face scrunches in the way that Shoma knows a tear tantrum could be coming. 

“Hi Kikuchi, my name is Brian Orser, and I’m one of Yuzu’s mentors. We’ve spoken over the phone, but I’m sorry our first meeting has to be this way”. Brian’s smile is kind, and his voice calm and steady, a stark contrast to Kikuchi-san’s stricken face as Yuzu moans and tries to twist out of Kikuchi-san’s hold after Javier’s retreating back. 

“As Javier and I were discussing, I think it’s best we get Yuzu home to rest. I’ll need you to get him home quickly, and seen by as little people as possible, while I deal with the press and other staff here. I’ve already briefed David Wilson on what to do, and he should have a car waiting outside”. 

Shoma’s not sure how much of that Kikuchi-san catches, as Yuzuru alarmingly begins draping himself all over Kikuchi-san, giggling and falling over, as Kikuchi-san struggles to keep him propped up. But Kikuchi-san isn’t known as one of the best minds in the district for nothing, and he nods once at Brian Orser, before securing his hand firmly around Yuzu’s waist and leading him in the direction pointed out by Brian Orser, where another man with an earnest expression stands waiting for them.

Shoma watches Kikuchi-san and Yuzu until they disappear surreptitiously through the side doors. Shoma is sure a couple of neighbours spots them leaving, but the loyalty of district 4 runs deep. 

“Shoma”. 

The harried call, cutting through the din and chaos of Shoma’s mind, has him peeling his eyes from the door. Yuma, who has seen better days for sure, trembling like a leaf, even as his eyes show a steely determination Shoma has never seen before. Shoma stands still, silent, even as Yuma starts whispering the instructions to Shoma, telling him what to do and where to find what’s been on Shoma’s mind the whole day, since seeing Yuzuru come out from the train. 

Shoma turns his back the moment Yuma is done. He doesn’t say thank you either 

—------------------

Shoma doesn’t know what time it is when he finally makes out the outline of his home.

Breaking into the Academy had been easy. Shoma knew all the unwatched spots from his days of blowing off training to swim in the sea or laze on the beach. With the precision of Yuma’s instructions, finding the keys to the headmaster’s office had been easy too, and then setting up the monitor in one of the old classrooms, a piece of cake. 

What hadn’t been so easy was watching the playback of Yuzu’s games itself. 

Again, Shoma fought the burn of the bile rising in his throat as he reached out a hand to steady himself against the wall, the images flashing, unbidden in his mind’s eye. 

Yuzu, writhing on the ground, screaming as the District 1 boy, Lysacek, sawed his knife over and over into the soft skin of Yuzu’s thighs, blood and sinew staining Yuzu's torn track pants red.

Yuzu, gasping and delirious on pain as Lysacek pressed the palm of his hand flat on Yuzu’s forehead, slamming Yuzu’s head into the hard earth over and over again even as Lysacek clumsily fumbled with the belt of his own pants. 

Yuzu, staring glassy eyed at the sky, blood from the open wound on his head trickling down his forehead, over his chin and onto Lysacek’s shirt as he lay there and simply took it with each grunt and thrust from Lysacek. 

Shoma felt his knees give out. 

Shoma had thought, after all that, as Yuzu lay half dead on the ground, long unconscious from the loss of blood, the onslaught and everything , that Lysacek would at least make it quick, a slash to the jugular or a stab in the vital organ. But instead, the horror had continued and Shoma had been unable to tear his eyes away from the screen as Lysacek hauled Yuzu onto his back, to his hideout and proceeded to tend to Yuzu’s wounds lovingly. And Yuzu, upon waking up and finding himself still alive, begging for death and eventually losing all ability to speak as the torture continued for days.

Shoma forced himself to stand and to cross the boundary of the yard and into the only house on the street still with the faint glow of light from within. He opened the door and let it fall softly on its latch.

Kikuchi-san’s house was warm, the fire blazing on the hearth. Shoma could make out the sound of Mone’s steady breathing in her cot by the corner of the living room, with Pooh-san poking out from the covers. Shoma was so ready, to collapse into the single chair in the living room, to bleach his mind of whatever he had seen, when he hears the murmurs coming from the bedroom. 

“-will be difficult. I can’t say what life is going to look like for him over the next few months”. 

Shoma peered through the door frame, catching sight of David Wilson, the man who had led Kikuchi-san and Yuzu out from the hall, the historic stylist for District 4’s tributes, and Kikuchi-san standing by the bed that Yuzu lay in, tossing and turning, mumbling incoherently in his sleep. 

“Yuzu-kun is strong. He always has been, and he will get better, if not for himself, then for Mone. He just needs some time”, Kikuchi-san’s whispered, strained even to Shoma’s untrained ear despite the seeming confidence. 

“Trouble is, I don’t know if he has that much time. Word is that some… factions in the Capitol have really taken to Yuzu’s spirit, especially in that recovery fight against the District 1 tribute. And you know, Yuzuru is a very good looking boy…these things don’t escape people’s notice”. 

Shoma felt something cold grip at his heart. 

“What do you mean by that?”. If Kikuchi-san had been feigning confidence before, it’s all pretenses thrown out of the window as the palpable fear bleeds through his voice. 

“I…I don’t think it’s my place to comment on these things sir. But what I can assure you is that Brian and Javier are doing their very best to make sure Yuzu stays in district 4 to recover and just come back to himself. They’ve already put their foot down on the victory tour and they sure raised hell over the amount of morphling Yuzu’s been consuming so you don’t have to worry about any more of those... substances entering his blood stream any more”. 

“Thank you very much for looking after our Yuzuru. We don’t know how he would have made it back if not for you and Brian and Javier”. Kikuchi-san’s voice trembled as he sank to his knees, bring his forehead to touch the ground in the lowest bow. 

“Oh sir! Please get up, I really don’t deserve all this, please”. David Wilson’s voice jumped a notch higher but died down immediately as Yuzu gave a sharp moan, twisting in the sheets.

“Really, if anyone should be getting bows, I think it’s Javi. You know, we all thought Yuzu was a goner after…well after the incident. It was Javi that told us not to count Yuzu out and that Yuzu was still going to win. And after that, when we pulled Yuzu out of the arena, it was Javi who kept Yuzu going, made sure he was still eating, could get him to smile, even talk to us a bit. Really, it was Javi who saved Yuzu’s life more than anything. And of course, Yuzu’s little sister, if not for her I don’t think Yuzu would have even had the motivation to go at the District 1 boy like that finally -” 

Shoma felt his ears ringing as he hastily stepped back, and then tripped, making a loud thunk! which had the voices cutting off immediately. It was a true testament to the excellent training at the Academy, that Shoma, even with the haze and tiredness clouding his mind, was able to nimbly and very quickly, pull himself off the ground and get out of the house that was suddenly suffocating him. 

Shoma ran out of the house, his mind racing. He thought of the small smiles Javier had given Yuzu throughout the day, private and special. The way Javier had gently handled Yuzu during the dance, like something precious, and then Javier’s tightly suppressed fury at the journalists and media, the Capitol representatives and scum the moment anyone of them so much as called out to Yuzu, let alone touch him. 

He recalled Yuzu in the arena, when it was down to just him and Lysacek, Lysacek after his final foray into Yuzu’s body, crudely laughing at how he would give Yuzu’s baby sister his regards when he met her during the victory tour. Yuzu, eyes flashing with that fire, that life that Shoma had thought had been killed forever, raking his nails down Lysacek’s face and then plunging his fingers into Lysacek’s sockets in the ensuing chaos. 

Shoma ran past the boundary, behind the house. He fell onto all fours and heaved, his stomach convulsing.

The acrid smell of vomit filled his nostrils and lungs as Shoma finally began to cry.