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Chapter Text

Harry locked himself into one of Hogwarts Express’ small bathrooms. Ron and Hermione have gone off to the prefect meeting finally leaving Harry alone. He had had the summer from hell, not being able to sleep a single night through. He was constantly plagued with nightmares about the graveyard. If that wasn’t enough being sent back to his abusers, especially when he had been so raw and exposed hadn’t helped matters any. No matter what he tried he constantly felt off-kilter. And being with the Dursleys had been like salt was constantly been rubbed into his wounds. They were still as raw and unhealed as they were at the beginning of summer.

Harry figured it was what he deserved, he had led Cedric to his death and had helped the insane mass murdered come back. He deserved all the punishment that he could get. There was no way he could make up for what he had done. No way, that he could bring Cedric back to life. He had spent a lot of time going over the events in the graveyards and he had come to one glaring conclusion.

This was all his fault. Because he was too stupid to realise that he should have run at the first sight of trouble. They had the opportunity when they had first arrived, they had enough time that they could have summoned the cup back to them and gotten out of there before Wormtail appeared. Snape was right, Harry was arrogant and foolish. He had treated it like all the other adventures he had been on while he was at school. From stealing the stone, fighting the basilisk, and rescuing Sirius. All of these had filled his head and stroked his ego. And Cedric had paid the price. His blood and the blood of all the innocent that Voldemort was currently killing was on his hands.

Going to Grimmauld place hadn’t improved things at all. He had thought the sight of his friends would help him heal. Instead their constant badgering and arguing had made him crave to be left alone. Then because he could not catch a break, and fate hated him, one of his few remaining pleasures was ripped away from him. Harry who would do anything to hear more about his wonderful parents had been listening eagerly to Sirius and Remus telling stories of their time at school.

Sirius had just finished telling Harry of a prank his father had played when a stab of dread stabbed through his guts. Dudley had played that ‘prank’ on him. And he knew how humiliated that made someone feel. The smile frozen on his face Harry listened to more pranks, the dread growing as he realised that the majority of the ‘pranks’ were just elaborate ways to bully people. Hoping to be proved wrong Harry asked what James home life was like. Sirius happily wax poetic on how the Potters had loved their son and he had wanted for nothing. Harry heard about the multiple rooms filled with every magical gift conceivable. And the Potters spoiling their son, taking him to expensive quidditch games and outings. Not being able to handle another moment He hurried excused himself then rushed to the toilet to throw his guts up. Heaving over the porcelain bowl Harry came to the bitter conclusion that his father was the magical version of Dudley. Having suffered under his cousins ‘pranks’ for thirteen years he was, for the first time, ashamed to have James as his father.

He managed to pass off Sirius and Remus's concern about his behaviour with a lie about a stomach bug. Considering how much he didn’t want to suffer the sight of food he was very pleased to have this excuse to lie down and not be disturbed much for the next couple of days. But it couldn’t last forever and then he was once more amidst the crowd. With everyone asking him constantly how he was feeling and not giving him a moment alone. Harry could feel the pressure building and building. The couple of times he had snapped and yelled he had been instantly scolded and told to control his temper.

So he had shoved all his feelings back down inside, ignoring the burning taste of rage on his tongue and his muscles rigid with tension. This hadn’t helped his nightmares any, as he wasn’t allowed to express himself while he was awake his brain tried to do it while he was asleep. Which led him to having multiple nightmares and by the time he got up in the morning he was tired and grumpy, which led him to have poor control over his temper. It ended up being a vicious cycle that he couldn’t escape from.

The first couple of times he had cried out in his sleep he had brought the adults running thinking he was being attacked. Once they realised he was dreaming they had patted him on the head told him he was dreaming (Oh really? He would have never have guessed) and told him to go back to sleep. Even Ron had gotten sick of being constantly woken up and had snapped at him to leave it alone for a while. Harry had been furious at this, it wasn’t like he was having a good time either. He had snapped back only to have the adults intervene, telling him to forgive Ron as he was grumpy due to the broken sleep.

Harry had been confused by this, he was also affected by the nightmares. The adults acknowledged this and said that was why he wasn’t getting into trouble for fighting, but maybe he could try to sleep through the night? Hurt Harry had felt his trust in the adults crumbling. (Remus was kind enough to take him aside and teach him how to cast the silencing charm around his bed. This way the only person he disturbed was himself.)

To add insult to injury, he had to smile every time someone compared him to his father when it felt like they had just stabbed him in the gut. And this particular crowd they did it a lot. To them James was a saint and they couldn’t think of a higher praise for Harry then to be like his father.
The beginning of school couldn’t come quick enough for him.

Looking up at the mirror he stared at his reflection. For years he had been secretly pleased that he could look into a mirror and see his dad. But now it filled him with disgust. He didn’t want anything to do with him. And yet Snape had been right. Despite not bulling people Harry was just as arrogant and prideful as his father. Disgusts and self-hate swirled through him burning him like acid. He felt such loathing and constraint that he wanted nothing more than to peel himself out of his skin. Not able to stand another second of his looks he screamed at the mirror.
“I HATE YOU.”
Punching it with his fist, he pulled back then punched it again and again until nothing but shards of glass lay around the bathroom and his fist was a swollen bloody mess. Breathing harshly, he picked up one on the bigger shards. Its sharp edges cut his already bruise hand. Pleased with how well it cut, an idea came to him and he raised it to his hair.

Angrily he grabbed a chunk and cut it off. As the hair fluttered to the ground a little bit of the pressure disappeared. He continued to cut the chunks out barely feeling it when the glass cut his scalp due to his hurried movement and the fact he couldn’t get a proper grip on it, until he couldn’t grab anymore. Panting he slowly felt the anger drain from him. Feeling the uneven hair that was left, Harry knew he couldn’t walk out like this. He didn’t want anyone to start a new rumour about the boy who lived to attack his hair. He decided he didn’t want to grow his hair back so using the glass shard as a raiser he scrapped it slowly along his skull removing the rest of his hair until all that was left was black fuzz.

He smoothed a hand over his head and found he liked the way the soft remaining hair felt under his hand. With a sigh he banished all the hair that was scatted over the bathroom. Then waving his wand he had to chant reparo a couple of times before the mirror was back in one piece. He starred at the boy in the reflection contemplatively, then removing his glasses he looked again. Yes this was better. He looked nothing like James Potter now. Instead a boy with a solemn expression, red scar, haunted green eyes and a black buzz cut looked back at him.

Determined to keep this look Harry resolved to find out how to get contact lenses or his eyes fixed. He hadn’t bothered before as he liked the fact both he and his father wore glasses. Not anymore. Besides wearing glasses in a fight was a liability.

He walked back to his compartment and was pleased to seeing that Ron and Hermione weren’t back yet. Quickly changing into his school uniform he grabbed his knapsack and headed off. The last thing he wanted was to be hassled by his friends about his new look.

Finding a compartment that had a couple of second years in it, Harry knocked on the door. The boys looked up at him in puzzlement.
“Can I sit here?” Harry asked.
One of the boys gaped at his scar, the other elbowed his friend in the gut making him look down at his shoes in embarrassment.
“Sure, feel free.” The second boy said.
Harry nodded in thanks and sat down in the seat next to the window. He looked at the passing countryside trying his hardest to ignore the boys. Thankfully it didn’t take long before they went back to their game and he then spent a peaceful trip to Hogwarts.

*                              *                                *

Snape looked over the students coming into the great hall with a curl to his lips. He could already tell this year was going to be horrendous to get through. With the fact, the Dark Lord was back and the ministry having their head stuck so firmly in the sand that they were not only ignorant but had become a hindrance.

The DADA professor, every year became worse than the one before, an ever-growing punishment for him to suffer. Quirrelmort was topped by the airhead poser, who was topped by the beastly wolf, who was beaten by the Death Eater dressed as an Auror. Severus had no doubt that this toad in ministry robes would manage to beat all the others. If it wasn’t for the vows chaining him here, Severus would have left years ago.

The children finally settled into their seats and he began to check on all the trouble makers to see what mood they are in and if he could get a head start to control some of their mischief. He started with his own house. The Malfoy heir was puffed up like one of his father’s prized peacocks. While he may look like his father, his mother’s Black blood ran strong in him. Like all Blacks he was passionate, emotional, and highly strung. Even if he wasn’t his Godson he would be keeping a close eye on him.

Looking closer he notices that all the children with Death eater parents were more riled up than normal. Even the ones from the other three houses. In fact as he went through his mental list checking everyone on it, the only Death Eater child not stirred up was Theodore Nott. He was sitting at the table next to Mr Zabini reading a book. Which was his normal behaviour, but considering how things had changed he could be using this to mask some other difficulties.

Snape wrote a quick note informing him to come to his office after he had done his beginning of term greeting to his House. With a silent incantation he made the note disappear from in front of him and reappear before the Nott heir. The boy opened it, read it, and gave a tiny nod of acknowledgment before going back to his book. Content with this, Severus knew he couldn’t put it off any longer and reluctantly looked across searching out the Potter brat.

He actually overlooked him twice before locating him. Snape blinked in shock. The brat had hacked off all his hair until nothing but black fuzz remained and wasn’t wearing his glasses. He sneered at the attention-seeking move. The brat was just like his father always trying to stay in the spotlight, attempting new and different tactics every time. Although, now that mop of messy bird nest was gone his resemblance to his father was barely there.

In fact without the mini James look, Snape was noticing a lot more things.
For one, the boy was underweight and going by the dark shadows under the glasses-free eyes not sleeping well. He watched as the brat snapped and snarled at his two companions, then spent the rest of dinner playing with his food, not eating it. The child needed another session with whatever mind healer Albus had assigned him as soon as possible. Severus made a note to mention it to Minerva after the feast.

Even with his hatred of the boy, Snape wasn’t expecting that the trauma of watching a student be killed in front of him, then to be forced into a Dark ritual to raise the boy’s parent’s murder and wizard world’s boogie man before having to fight for his life, could be healed in one summer. Even with the best mind healer out there working on him.
But by the time he had to grit his teeth through the ministry toad’s speech, all that was on his mind, was escaping before he ‘accidentally’ poison the bitch. All thoughts of mind healers gone from his memory. He retreated to his blessed dungeons.

*                             *                       *

Snape looked up at the knock on his office door. He permitted entry and watch as the Nott heir walked calmly in coming to a rest before his desk.

“It has come to my attention that, of all the children whose parents belong to an elite group, you are the only one who does not seem to be filled with excitement. As your head of house, I wish to check that nothing bothering you.”

“Oh no sir. I’m perfectly well.”

“And the reason for the lack of excitement?”

“I can count sir.”

“Am I to applaud this mastery of a toddler’s knowledge?” Snape drawled sarcastically. The Nott child’s mouth twitched in dark amusement. Which was not the angry, embarrassed emotion Severus had been expecting.

“No sir. Just letting you know I do have that ability.”

“And what pray tell does that have to do with our conversation.”

“I showed my ability to count to my father. After he got over his shock that I could, in fact, do so, and he checked to make sure I had in fact counted correctly, he agreed to let me walk without him holding my hand.”
Snape stared thoughtfully down at his snake. His passive legilimency told him that the Nott child wasn’t lying to him. Of cause being a Slytherin meant he wasn’t telling him much either.

Still Snape understood enough to know Lord Nott had been impressed enough by his heir’s knowledge to let him have more free rain than most. Which hopefully considering the conversation they just had meant the child before him wasn’t going to blindly follow the Dark Lord like the majority of his House.

*                 *                      *

Harry walked towards McGonagall’s office. He was literally biting his tongue to stop himself from screaming at his best friends as they followed behind. Snapping at them at the opening feast had been unfair. Of cause, they would be shocked by his new look. Still he had hoped that they would have let it go by now, but no such luck.

“I don’t understand Harry. Why would you cut your hair on the train, and not go to a hairdresser over the holidays and get it cut if you wanted it done? It just seems like you made this decision very quickly.” Hermione nattered.

“You know why I couldn’t go out over the holidays,” Harry said.

“Well, you could have gotten someone else in the household to help. Really Harry you didn’t do a very good job of it, doing it on the train.”

“Yeah mate, it makes you look kinda stupid.” Ron chuckled. Harry hunched his shoulders trying to ignore the pain from Ron’s thoughtless comment.

“I still don’t understand why you didn’t tell us before you did it. It’s never good when you start keeping secrets from us.” Hermione preached.

“Alright!” Harry snapped hoping to shut her up. “I made the decision quickly.”

“Oh Harry, you should know better by now not to act on any snap decision. As you can see they have long-lasting effects”

He spun around and continued onwards doing his best to shut out the ongoing lecture she continued to sprout all the way to McGonagall’s office. He pounded on the door and after hearing the faint “Enter” walked in with the others trailing after him.

“Goodness Potter! What happened to your hair?” Professor McGonagall asked in a shocked voice. Harry drew in a deep breath and held it counting to five so he wouldn’t yell. Hermione leaped in before he could open his mouth.

“He made a rash decision and cut it on the train Professor.” All the breath rushed out of him as he stared at her in hurt.

“Well I see. You’ll have to go to the hospital wing and see if Pomfrey has a hair growing potion on hand. Otherwise you will have to wait until Professor Snape can brew you one.” Professor McGonagall said, she still hadn’t stopped staring at him in shock.

“No thank you Madam. I didn’t come here about my hair.” Harry said as politely as he could under the circumstances.

“What?”

“Of cause you did. “ Ron and Hermione said at the same time.

“Mate, you should listen to the professor, you don’t want the whole school to see you like that,” Ron said comradely. Harry held the flinch inside this time.

“Perhaps, we could let Mister Potter tell me himself why he is here?” Professor McGonagall said.

“It’s to do with my sight,” Harry replied

“I noticed that you’re not wearing your glasses.”

“Yeah, I need your permission to go to Hogsmead to see the eye healer.”

“What happened to your glasses?”

“They’re gone, Ms”

“Oh, Harry” Hermione said exasperated. “You have got to learn to take better care of your things”

Harry ignored her keeping focus on McGonagall. She finally lost the shock look only to have it morph into a frown.

“That was quite irresponsible of you Potter. Still we can’t have you wandering around blind. I’ll get a teacher to escort you down tomorrow morning. Be waiting in the entrance hall by eight.”

“Yes Ms, Thank you,” Harry replied then turned and stormed back to the common room. Hermione opened her mouth but Harry snapped.

“I’m tired, I’m going to bed.” Before she could say anything.

*                 *                         *

Climbing into his bed he felt such a sense of relief once he drew the curtains. He didn’t know why but being around his friends was draining. Which was odd, because once he calmed down and re-looked over their interactions. He could see that they weren’t doing anything they hadn’t done before. The only one who had changed was him. He was the freak who couldn’t handle things anymore.

Hermione always lectured, it was her way of showing she was paying attention and cared. And Ron had always been blunt with his remarks on what he thought. They were just being them. But ever since the graveyard Harry had become so sensitive to remarks. God he really was weak. What sort of person couldn’t handle a couple of words? The words weren’t even spoken by his enemies and yet he was still acting like he had been wounded.

They were his best friends for god’s sake. Anyone normal would be able to have their friends talk to them without wanting to lash out and hurt something or want to go into a corner and cry. Wiping his eyes harshly before any tears fell, he punched his legs a couple of times sternly telling himself not to be a cry baby. The pain from that helped him refocus and he shuffled around until he was comfortable curled up under his blankets. Remembering to cast the silencing charm. Harry put his wand under his pillow and found to his surprise he really was tied and he felt himself drifting off.

*                         *                   *

Harry packed his knapsack for the day. It was Monday and the beginning of the school term. The train had dropped them off on a Saturday, which had conveniently meant Harry could go to Hogsmead on Sunday without having to miss any classes. While he was with the eye healer he had been delighted to learn there was a potion available that you put into your eyes and it fixed them. It had to be reapplied every five years and was extremely expensive but Harry hadn’t cared. He paid for it with some of the gold from his Gringotts account and had felt it was money well spent.

Ron and Hermione hadn’t really understood at first, but Hermione quickly saw the benefits of it. It wasn’t until Harry had said that it would help him play quidditch better in the rain that Ron had agreed it was a smart move. They had spent the rest of the Sunday afternoon playing games in the common room.

“Harry mate.” Ron began hesitantly as all the boys got ready. “Are you sure you don’t want to head to Pomfrey first, before class? Your hair will be back to normal before the rest of the school sees it.”

“I’m sure Ron. I actually like it like this.” Harry replied firmly, having had this question thrown at him multiple times yesterday.

“I think it looks ok,” Neville said drawing all eyes to him. He flushed ducking his head before gathering his courage and continuing.

“I mean, yeah it’s a very different look, and it will take a bit to get used to it. But it’s not a bad one.”

“Thanks Mate,” Harry said gently punching Neville on the shoulder.

“Aye, better than the bird nest you had before,” Seamus said grabbing Harry in a headlock and brushing his hand over the short hair. “Cor mates feel how soft this is.”
Everyone leaped forward and brush his hair while Harry half-heartedly struggled to get out of Seamus's arms.

“Get off me, you idiot.” Harry proclaimed laughing. He managed to push himself free and all the boys clambered downstairs laughing, exclaimed on the softness, and trying to copy another feel. Ron had a faint frown on his face but seemed to be content to leave it alone for now.

*                          *                                      *

Severus looked over his class of fifth years as they were brewing. His eyes once again drifting to the Potter boy. His head was down at the moment leaving Severus to stare at his hair which looked like black dandelion fuzz. The boy was puzzling him, he hadn’t gone to Pomfrey to regrow his hair, and when he was taken to the Eye healer instead of getting glasses he had gotten the potion. Severus privately though that had been a wise if unusual decision.

With all the trouble the boy managed to get into every year, it was a miracle he hadn’t had his glasses snatch from him before, leaving the Saviour a blind bat open for the taking. But just because it hadn’t happened didn’t mean it never would. Severus had no idea why the boy wanted to change from his known and beloved appearance but he assumed it had something to do with the trauma at the end of the last school year.

The boy looked up at the board and Severus felt a phantom stab of agony. Without the awful glasses to act as a buffer he was confronted with Lily’s eye which was making it impossible to yell at the child. His frown grew more pronounced and he prowled around the classroom. He wanted to outpace his thoughts but it seemed by Potter removing his glasses he had removed the blinders from Severus as well.

He tried not to but he couldn’t help notice some alarming things. When he had thought the boy looked skinny at the feast he has assumed that was due to a summer of not eating well. But now he noticed how thin his wrist was, that fact he was the smallest male in his year and he could see his collar bones poking up through the gap in his shirt. All which pointed to more than just a summer of not eating well.

He also dressed so ratty. In clothes that never seemed to fit him and were always too big, bagging around him. And never seem to wear coats or gloves during winter. Hopefully because the child though it wasn’t ‘cool’ to wear gloves and the clothing was a teenage rebellion of some sort, but he had a sinking feeling that it wasn’t. Severus promised himself to keep a close eye on the child. If things continued to point towards the horrible suspicion growing in the back of his head, he would step in. He had sworn to look after Lily’s child and he would do all in his power to not be foresworn.

*                      *                         *

Harry slouched around the corner having left Ron and Hermione in the common room, then came to an abrupt stop. There was an unknown boy sitting on the window seat that Harry had been aiming for. The boy looked up and Harry realised he did sort of know him. He was the quiet Slytherin that mostly hung around the pretty boy Zabini, although he couldn’t remember his name at the moment.

He fidgeted from foot to foot as the boy studied him. He didn’t really want to go elsewhere as this window seat was exactly what he was looking for. It was out of the way that Harry had thought no one else knew of it, it got the right amount of sunlight without being overly bright and had a calming view overlooking the Black Lake and forest. Harry waited to see if the boy was going to try and hex him or start mocking him.

Instead the boy drew his legs in towards his body freeing up one half of the window seat. Harry blinked in surprise but the boy went back to his book leaving the decision completely up to Harry.

Right, the minute he starts questioning me, or staring at my scar I’m out of here. Harry thought crankily as he shuffled over to his half of the seat. He sat down his whole body tense ready for the interrogation. But none came, the boy continued to read quietly seemly content to leave Harry alone. After a couple more minutes of silence Harry felt himself slowly beginning to relax.

Unbeknown to him this was exactly what he wanted. To be in someone’s company so he didn’t feel alone, without being questioned or lectured. Which is what happened every time he was with Hermione and Ron. Despite being able to relax he couldn’t help the fact he fidgeted constantly as he tried to work on sorting out his thoughts. A hand holding a gadget suddenly appeared in front of him. Harry followed the hand up to the boy sitting opposite him.

He braced for an annoyed look at the fact he couldn’t sit still but was met with a calm one. The gadget was nudged towards him again and Harry took it bemused. It had a couple of arms sticking out and He realised quickly that he could flick them and they would spin. He found the repetitive movement to be quiet soothing and now with his hands kept busy the rest of his body settled down.

“Thanks” Harry said gratefully.

The boy's lip twitched with understanding as he nodded then went back to his reading. Harry looked out the window, brooding darkly.

It was sometime later that Harry was brought back to reality by a tap on his ankle. Blinking confused he looked across at the boy.

“It’s close to curfew, I need to head back to my common room.” The boy said neutrally.

Harry frowned slightly confused why to boy was telling him this, instead of just going. Seeing this the boy's eyes creased with amusement even as the rest of his face remained blank. He waved his hand between them. Harry looked down to see the reason he was feeling so relaxed was because he was sprawled out all over the seat and their legs were in a comfortable tangle.

“Sorry” he blurted out as he clumsily untangles them. The boy shrugged unperturbed.

“It's fine, I didn’t mind.” He gracefully stood up and tucked his book away into his bag.

“Here,” Harry handled over the gadget. “Thanks for that.”

“Any time.” The boy replied. “I’ll see you around Potter.” He then strolled away like nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

Harry on the other hand was bewildered how they managed to get into such a potion. He hated when strangers touched him. In fact there was only a handful of people who he didn’t mind touching him and they were all people he had known and trusted for quite some time. This boy should have made his body raise all kinds of red flags, from his house to his unknown status, and yet the complete opposite had happened. After pondering about it as he slowly wandered in the vague direction of his common room he finally decided that he had enough on his plate and he wasn’t going to stress about a one-off occasion.

*                       *                             *

Tonight was going to be one of revelations, as he was walking along a hallway he heard a scuffle and looked up. Not that far from him were two older boys locked at the lips. One of the boys had pressed the other against the wall with his whole body. You couldn’t call what they were doing as kissing as that was far too tame to describe the furious make-out session.
Harry was frozen in wonder, he had been pretty sure for a while that he liked boys that way, but as homosexuals were still hated in the muggle word he hadn’t bothered to do anything about it. But there were two boys out in the open, did that mean the wizarding world didn’t have any issues with it?
Harry continued to watch spellbound, hints of arousal beginning to stir in his stomach.

“Alright boys brake it up.” An adult voice said from behind Harry. He spun around to see the Ancient Runes teacher walking calmly towards them.

“Aww Ms, why did you have to stop us things were getting interesting.” One of the boys said cheekily.
Harry saw the lips twitch in amusement on the Teacher before she sternly said.

“It’s after curfew, head back to your common rooms.” The boys wrapped their arms around each waist and began to walk past Harry.

“Oh and five points from Ravenclaw.” The teacher said.

“What? Why?”

“For corrupting innocents.”

One of the boys looked back at Harry then gave him a flirty wink. Instantly Harry's face flushed red in embarrassment, and he ducked his head.

“I don’t think he minded the show.” The Ravenclaw said cheerfully.

“Go on, before I take more points.” The boys gave a head bob in acknowledgement then jogged off.

“Come on Mister Potter. I’ll escort you back to your common room so you don’t get into trouble.”

“Thanks, Ms,” Harry replied automatically.

The boys had only gotten in trouble for being out after curfew and for public displays of affection. Not for being with someone of the same sex. That meant the Wizarding world didn’t have any issues with it. Harry could feel the beginning of hope stirring within him. When they got to the portrait of the Fat lady, the teacher turned to him.

“Here we are Mister Potter. I hope the boys didn’t alarm you with their display?” she asked curiously. Harry grinned shyly up at her.

“No Miss, I’m fine.” Her face softens and she smiled back at him before gesturing him into the common room.

As soon as he entered he was pounced on by his best friends wanting to know where he had gone and what he had done. Reassuring them that he had done nothing more than go somewhere quiet to think. Hermione then dragged both the boys into doing their homework, keeping Harry distracted enough that he never asked them about boys kissing boys.

*                            *                                     *

Harry angrily glared at the door in front of him. He had, had the worse week ever. The prophet had continued to print stories about how he was a delusional mad child sprouting stories. And what was worse was a lot of the student population seem to think the prophet was right and had been treating him like a crazy person. Even his roommates had withdrawn from him, making what was a safe place to retreat when it all got too much into a tension-filled room.

All the tension meant Harry was on his guard constantly and that feeling of being hyper-alert brought back memories of the graveyard. Which had made Harry overreact when the other boys had made a loud noise or a sharp movement in his direction. One overly powered shield spell and a quick hex later left Harry standing by his bed with all the other boys picking themselves up off the floor, rubbing bruised body parts. This incident had not help disprove the crazy rumour. In fact it seems to prove it. Seamus was now muttering Nutter under his breath every time Harry was around.

He had thought he had gotten used to the student population staring at him, but the constant feeling of eyes on his back kept him paranoid, which funnelled into his sleep. His nightmares hadn’t improved any, in fact they had gotten so bad that he was only getting three or four hours of broken sleep a night. This in turn led him to struggle in his classes.

This year being his fifth, the teachers were piling on the homework in order to prepare them for the O.W.L.s. Harry was already swamped and was only half doing the amount of work required. Which led him to stand outside the defence professor’s office. Her class was a complete joke and Harry still wasn’t sorry for yelling at her. She had pushed all his button and his extremely thin control had snapped. Raising his hand he knocked on the door and then entered.

Professor Umbridge had him sitting at a table and handed him a black quill. Harry wrote the first line “I will not tell lies” when the words scratched themselves into his hand he starred at it then shot a look at the Professor.

“Yes?” She asked eagerly. Harry shook his head determined not to do what she wanted and continued to write. Unknowingly to the professor, Harry was having a revaluation.
The sharp sting helped clear his head and made everything simple.
I deserve this pain, he thought. Not for being a liar, but because I caused Cedric to be killed and brought Voldemort back.

If the Wizarding world knew the truth they would be baying for my blood. And they would be right to. I have gotten off scoff free and not had to pay for anything I have done. I should be locked up in Azkaban.

He shivered in dread at the thought, then instantly stopped himself. It’s nothing more than I deserve. I should be locked away in a cold damp cell. Harry drew a deep breath and continued to write welcoming the stinging pain. He felt his thoughts spiral downwards.

I need to be kept away from the public. If it wasn’t for me they wouldn’t be hurt. Self-hate swirled burring through him. It would have been better if I had never been born. If I wasn’t here then my parents would still be alive right now instead of dead and rotting in the ground. They should have given me to Voldemort, and not sacrificed their lives for me. I’m not worth it. I’m nothing but a freak. A weakling who can’t fight back, and gets other people killed.

I cause nothing but pain for those who love me. Look at Sirius, he suffered through twelve years of endless torment before escaping. Only to be locked up again in a place he hates. If it wasn’t for me he could be free somewhere else living his life. But I’m forcing him to do the worse thing possible for someone who has been in prison. I’m making him imprison himself. I’m forcing chains around him dragging him down. All because I want my godfather.

I’m so damn selfish, people would recoil if they knew how tainted I am.
He felt the sting of tears blinking to keep them from falling he thought, god you’re pathetic. What, you want to have a cry now, you loser. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Harry felt bile rising up and he swallowed it down harshly. His very skin felt like it was trying to crawl off him to get away from the stupidness that was him.

“That’s enough for tonight.” Professor Umbridge said sweetly braking Harry from his thoughts. “I’ll see you again tomorrow night at the same time.”

“Yes Professor,” Harry replied in a dead tone. He then turned robotically and headed for the Gryffindor common room. Not realising he was leaving a thin trail of blood that was coming from the curse words on his hand. The blood quill having cut deeper than normal due to Harry’s magic willing it to inflict more pain on him.

Chapter Text

 Harry was sitting in the window seat when he heard footsteps coming towards him. Glancing up he saw it was Theo. They had been meeting here almost every day for the last month now and Harry was surprised how much he looked forward to the Slytherin’s company. He lifted his legs while Theo sat down then dropped them back down on Theo’s legs comfortably tangling them. To complete their ritual Theo held out the fidget gadget, which he happily took setting it to spin at once.

“You’re brooding again,” Theo stated.

Harry huffed annoyed. “It not like I want to be stuck thinking these thoughts. They just keep coming back.” He complained.

“Have you tried doing something different?”

“What?”                                                                                 

“If you keep doing the same things again and again, you are going to get the same response.”

“I don’t do the same things all the time.”

Theo sighed, then said. “Everyone knows Harry Potter is a hero. He will always go rushing into danger. He will stand up and proclaim the truth, even when it’s a pointless endeavour.” Seeing Harry about to argue he continued slightly raising his voice. “Like for example, telling the ministry Toad dressed as his defence professor that the Dark Lord is back. She will never believe you, even if you pulled him out from your back pocket and shoved him in front of her. All you are doing is giving her a thrill to give you detention. And detention is nothing but a waste of time.”

“I don’t want to give her the satisfaction of thinking she is right,” Harry replied mulishly.

Theo rolled his eyes. “Gryffindor’s!! This is exactly what I mean. By standing up and speaking back to her and going to countless detention, is it achieving anything?”

“What do you mean?”

“All the yelling and detentions, has that convinced anyone that you are telling the truth?”

Harry opened his mouth to reply then paused, closing his mouth as he thought back through the last month. And all his interactions with the student body. Finally, he had to grudgingly admit

“No.”

“No,” Theo agreed. “In fact, it has done the opposite for some people. They are now more convinced that you are exactly how the prophet portrays you.”

Harry frowned viciously over that. Quiet descended once more over the window seat. Harry would never admit it, but this was one of the things he liked about Theo. The fact that he would wait patiently for Harry to reply, giving him time to marshal his thoughts. As much as he loved Hermione she couldn’t help but bombard whoever she was arguing with, as she tried to tell them every last scrap of knowledge she had on that particular subject. It was a refreshing change to be able to take his time to respond.

“But if I don’t say anything, just to avoid detention, would that make me a coward?” Harry asked. It was Theo turn to frown in thought.

“Not in this case,” He replied. “We have already established that the detentions are not in fact achieving anything positive. So not getting any more would be a sensible tactic.”

“I don’t know how to not get any,” Harry complained.

“Try doing something different. Something you wouldn’t normally do, and see where that gets you.”

Harry eyed Theo thoughtfully.

“Something different?” He clarified. Theo nodded.

Deciding that if he wasn’t going to stand up and shout the truth then he need to put his Gryffindor bravery to a new use. And while he was at it, he might as well experiment with the whole do something completely new. Especially if it was something he had wanted to try for a while now. Not giving it another moments thought, Harry bent across and gave Theo a quick kiss. He lent back to see a perplexed look on his face.

“Well, I didn’t expect that. It certainly was different.” Theo exclaimed.

Harry felt anxiety beginning to swirl in his stomach. “Sorry.” He blurted, starting to panic. Theo quickly reached out and lay a calming hand on his arm.

“You misunderstand, I didn’t say I minded. “ Theo said. “In fact, I whole heartily approve, and think you should continue.”

“Yeah?” A smile of delight crept across Harry’s face.

“Yes,” Theo replied determinedly pulling Harry back to him.

They kissed again. As they progressed the kisses slowly turned from an awkward mash of lips to a much more pleasurably motion as they worked out what worked best.

I can see why the Ravenclaw boys didn’t want to stop. Harry thought. This was wonderful. He would be happy to spend forever kissing Theo. A hunger Harry had never felt before sprang up and he wanted to get as close to Theo as he could. The two of them had shuffled towards each other but their body was in an awkward shape, and even though he didn’t want to stop his position was distracting him from the kisses. Braking apart Harry confidently moved until he was sitting in Theo’s lap. Theo blinked in startlement before grinning.

“Smart move Harry.” He praised. Harry blushed and went back to kissing, which had the bonus of both shutting Theo up and continuing the wonderful feeling from before. But now it was better as his body was perfectly comfortable. He wrapped his arm around Theo’s shoulders drawing them in until they were tightly pressed together. Harry couldn’t explain it, but something about the feeling of being pressed up against another body the kissing aside, felt like he was receiving something he desperately needed but never knew about. Then there was the fact that he got such a thrill of having another male chest pressed against his own. All the hugs he had received had been given to him by women and he never realised how much he liked that fact there were no squishy bits pressed against him.

Harry let out an involuntary hiss when Theo brushed against his bandaged hand. He pulled back and they panted at each other for a moment. Harry went to lean in again when Theo gently stopped him.

“Harry, I don’t normally ask about your hand, I figured if you want me to know you will tell me. However my concern has been growing, the fact it still has not healed after all this time is not a good sign. So I’m going to ask now. What’s wrong with your hand?”

Harry shifted bitting his lips with indecision. The fact that Ron and Hermione knew about it convinced him that it was ok to share with Theo.

“You don’t have to worry. Hermione has been treating it.”

“While I respect that Hermione is an incredibly intelligent witch….”

“You do?” Harry interrupted incredulously.

“I do, anyone with eyes can see how smart she is. That fact most don’t bother to look isn’t my problem but that is neither here nor there, what I was going to say is, as smart as she is. She in fact doesn’t know everything and is still a student. Not a fully trained Medwitch.”

“That means you won’t be able to help either.” Harry pointed out.

“I wasn’t going to suggest myself, but a trained Medwitch.”

“I don’t want to go to Pomfrey.” Harry shot back instantly.

“Then someone else who is trained in the medical field?” Theo offered.

“Like who?”

“Professor Snape for one.”

“No!”

“Harry”

“No. He hates me.”

Theo didn’t say anything for a moment, Harry almost continued his argument but remembered that Theo always gave him time to think and decided to give him the same courtesy back. Theo smiled at him in thanks once he realised what Harry had done. A moment passed then two. Harry thought idly to himself that sitting in a fit blokes lap taking turns to speak, was the best way to have an argument.

“How about this. We will conduct another experiment of you doing something different. You will hopefully agree your first one worked out rather well.” Theo indicated the two of them and Harry nodded in agreement that this had worked out nicely.

“So normally the Harry Potter would never go to Professor Snape for help but, starting a new experiment we are going to give it a try.” Harry’s brows dropped in doubt so Theo sweeten the plot. “If it doesn’t work out, then I will owe you a favour.” He offered.

“What kind of favour?” Harry asked suspiciously

“One that is equal to the amount of ridicule Professor Snape gives you.”

“Done.” Harry agreed.

His life already mostly sucked at the moment. He figured Snape yelling at him wouldn’t be anything new, but having Theo owe him a favour could work out pretty good. Theo led him through the less popular hallways and passageways until they were deep in Slytherin territory. He walked to Professors Snape’s office and knocked on the door. Harry almost backed out, there was only two things stopping him. One, the fact Theo was still holding his uninjured hand and two, his Gryffindor pride wouldn’t let him back down now.

They entered a moment later, Snape’s eyebrows climbing when he saw Potter follow behind Nott, but he didn’t say anything curious to see what was going on here.

“Yes, Mr Nott?”

“Sir, Harry’s hand has been injured for weeks now, without it healing. He is disinclined to see our Medwitch at the current time. I was wondering if you could have a look at it.”

“I see,” Snape said neutrally and watched from the corner of his eye as the Potter child who had drawn himself up defiantly as Nott spoke, deflate confused.

“Your hand Potter.” He asked.

The child seemed to examine Snape for a moment before holding out his bandaged hand in a silent challenge. Snape had seen the bandage on his hand when he had been in his class but had not been able to find out the cause of it. He, unfortunately, knew the look the boy was currently giving him. This was a child who was convinced that adults would never help. All but certain now that his theory of past abuse was correct, even though he couldn’t figure out how it could have happened to this child in particular Snape set out to prove to Lily’s child that not all adults were the same. Some could change and offer him help and protection.

He carefully unwrapped the hand then stared silently down at the red weeping cursed writing on the boy’s hand. He instantly slammed his occlumency shield in place so he would frighten the child off with his violent reaction as Nott hissed in sympathy.

“How did this occur?” He asked. The child again looked at him in startlement at the lack of antagonism, then shrugged and answered

“I got in detention.”

“A Professor has you using a class two dark artefact in detention?” Snape asked astounded.

“I didn’t know it was Dark, Professor Umbridge had me write lines with this fancy quill of hers.” The child answered half defiantly.

“I see. “ Snape said darkly, taking a deep breath he put that matter aside for the moment. “What treatment have you tried so far?” He summoned a bowl with water and began to wash the hand

“Hermione had me use murlap essence,” Potter explained,

Snape hummed thoughtfully. “Unfortunately it wouldn’t be doing more than treating some of the symptoms. Never the less It was a clever solution given her knowledge. “He commented. Only to watch as Potter squinted at him looking no doubt for the trick in the words. Heaven forbid the greasy bat of the dungeon complement a muggle-born.

“Do you have any more detentions to serve?” Snape asked.

“No, last night was the last one.”

“Good, endeavour not to get any more, otherwise healing your hand would prove to be pointless.” He said absentmindedly his thoughts already going towards what ingredients he would need.

Harry pulled his had out of Snape’s furiously, his anger was suddenly taken over by a rage that he would have said was foreign except that it came from within him.

“FUCK YOU!” He screamed. “I knew you hated me, I bet you love the fact my hand is getting cut open every night. You probably go off and laugh about it together. It’s not like I’m getting them for fun. She is a bitch who keeps calling me a liar and she gives them to me for no reason.” he paced angrily around the room, the rage almost scaring him as a small part in the back of his head was alarmed at how he was reacting. Why was he this angry? He had expected Snape to not help him, Harry couldn’t understand why he was acting this way. His magic disturbed by the unending stream of anger, came boiling up, to swirl out of him causing all the bottles to begin to rattle.

Snape alarmed by this display tried to soothe the agitated powerful wizard pacing around.

“Potter, POTTER” He tried but the boy seemed almost deaf to him as he continued to rave.

“Harry!” The use of his first name coming from Snape’s lips startled him enough that he paused, giving Snape time to say.

“I’m sorry, that was thoughtless of me.”

The apology was such a shock it knocked the rest of the anger out of Harry, but his magic was still unsettled. The feeling of not having control over his magic was upsetting, making his feelings slide from anger and head towards fear.

Snape not wanting to cause the child to perform any accident magic instructed

“Breath Harry.”

“I am breathing, it’s not helping” was the panicked reply.

“Breath like your mind healer showed you.”

“What mind healer?” the boy asked confused. The question doing what the instructions had not, taking his mind off his panic for a second. No, no Snape though horrified please don’t be true.

“The mind healer Professor Dumbledore organised for you?” Snape tried hopefully.

“There is no mind healer.” The boy replied, his magic had dropped while they talked but was starting to rise again.

“I can show you how.” Theo offered coming out from the wall he had been leaning on staying out of the way. Harry nodded anything to get control of his magic. He didn’t like it acting independently.

Theo came up said calmly. “I’m going to touch you is that ok?” Harry nodded. Theo took his hand and placed it against his chest. Harry could feel him taking deep breaths. “Copy me,” Theo instructed.

Harry tried to but he kept losing his place and that was making his frustration rise. Seeing this Theo sat down on the ground pulling Harry down and placing him until he was sitting between his legs with his back against Theo’s chest. Theo then wrapped both arms around him placing his hands against Harry’s chest. He then began to breathe again. Pressing gently against his chest when he wanted Harry to breathe out. Between the hands on him and feeling Theo’s chest move against his back, it didn’t take Harry long to get the rhythm. The more he breathed in the deep slow motion, the calmer he became. And as he calmed so did his magic. Soon it was still and floating harmlessly in the office.

“Well done Harry,” said a deep silkily voice just on the edge of his hearing. “That’s it, you’re doing such a good job.”

Harry realised he had his eyes closed but felt no reason to open them at the moment even though he wanted to know who the voice belongs to. He hoped they would continue to talk, they were nice to listen to. He also felt incredibly safe with Theo wrapped around him.

“When you are ready, you can begin to draw your magic back inside yourself.” The voice continued. Harry scrunched his brow starting to come out of the trace, he didn’t know how to do that.

“Don’t worry about how.” The voice told him, dropping him back down into a peaceful place. “It will happen automatically.” Harry continued to breathe and faintly was amazed to see that his magic did indeed slowly come back inside of him.

“Excellent work Harry, when you are ready open your eyes.” The voice praised.

Harry could feel a blush hit his cheeks, not sure what to do with the complement. He also didn’t want to open his eyes, which meant he had to go back to reality. He much preferred it here where he was safe and no one wanted anything from him. Still, he knew he couldn’t put it off forever. Slowly he opened his eyes only to blink in confusion. Instead of the cold dim light, there was a warm glow lighting the office. Looking past Theo who was still wrapped around him he saw that a fire was burning merrily in the fireplace. He was also astounded to see Professor Snape was also sitting crossed-legged on the ground. He couldn’t figure out why he was doing it but had to admit if only to himself he was glad Snape wasn’t looming over him.

Flushing Harry suddenly realised the owner of the voice who talked him through the mediation. Of cause it belongs to Snape, who else would it have been? Privately Harry thought he was so confused was because he had never heard Snape speak to anyone with that tone of voice and in his hearts of hearts he had hoped that the adult the voice belonged to would be someone who would speak to him like that. He was almost use to the stab of disappointment when he realised once again the adult he wanted to reach out to wasn’t going to reach back.

Suddenly feeling uncomfortable with his thoughts Harry scrambled out of Theo’s hold and stood up. Both the Slytherins got up much more gracefully. Harry braced himself to the teasing and mocking. He would have already coped a chunk of it, had this happened in front of his housemates. But to his bewilderment, neither Snape nor Theo acted like anything unusual had happened. Unbeknown to Harry, both Slytherins was in fact use to people having emotional and magical outbreaks. Harry wasn’t the only teen to be suffering from a huge burden placed on their shoulders, but the Slytherins looked after one another, and no one outside their house had ever whiteness an outbreak.

“May I see your hand again?” Snape asked calmly while Theo went back to leaning casually against the wall. Harry held it out. He was both grateful that the others were pretending that nothing had happened. Whilst also wanting to get cranky at them for treating him like he was fragile, or at least he thought that’s what they were doing? Yet the magical and emotional outpouring had left him feeling quite drained. Not in the mood to deal with any sarcasm or anger. Harry concluded that his feelings were all over the place and it was probably best to leave it alone for the moment.

Snape bent over rewashing his hand, then said.

“Mister Nott, in the potion stores there is a jar with blue bog mud and a bottle with some Aloe vera cuttings, can you go and retrieve them. “ Theo nodded and slipped out of the room quietly. Harry realising he was alone with Snape, who was in a goodish mood, well not currently hating his guts anyway. Knew he wouldn’t get a better opportunity than this to do something that he had been wanting to do for months now. He wasn’t expecting anything from it, he was just doing it for his own peace of mind.

“Sir, I want to apologise,” Harry said formally.

“You have nothing to apologise for Mr Potter. Outbreaks like that are perfectly normal.”

“Not that, I want to apologise for my father.” Snape froze, then slowly looked up at Harry his face completely blank.

“Why are you apologising to me about your father?” He asked

“It turns out you were right. My father is not a hero he was nothing more than a bully. Sirius was telling me about the ‘pranks’ they played while they were at school, I never realised that they were bulling people. I thought the pranks were like the Weasley twins, harmless funny ones. But I was wrong.” Harry paused swallowing down his bitter disappointment. “I wish I hadn’t found that out. I’m ashamed to be his son, I don’t want to be anything like him. From what Sirius told me I know they bullied you. So I wanted to apologise to you.”

“What exactly did Black say they had done?” Snape asked dangerously.

“Nothing exactly, just vague stuff, that with the fact he constantly calls you names, led me to know they were bullies to you.” He looked at Snape’s face, then turn an alarming shade of white. “Oh God he did worse didn’t he? Fuck, I hate him. I’m so sorry, is there anything I can do to make it up to you?” Harry pleaded wanting to atone.

The sounds of the pleads and the anguish filled green eyes, helped pull Snape out of his memories and gave him the nudge to continue on his new path of being an adult who would be there for the child.

“Mr Potter.” Snape began conversationally. “There is a theory about the sins of the Father, do you know it?” Harry shook his head mutely. “It goes like this “The Sins of the Father shall be visited upon the son’ it means that children are made to suffer for their parent's wrongdoings.” Harry felt this resonate within him. Yes, he constantly had to pay for the mistakes of his parents.

“As a son who also had a bastard of a Father, I hate that theory with a particular passion.” Snape continued, with Harry looking at him with amazement. He placed his hand on Harry’s shoulder and said solemnly “I shall not be forcing you to bare your Fathers sins and Harry? Thank You. Apologising to me, someone who you thought disliked you and who had been cruel to you in the past, even though you hadn’t done anything wrong. That took courage and shows you to be a better man than your father. I know that your mother would be extremely proud of you right now.”

Harry felt the tears he had been trying to keep inside, spill out of him.

“Shhh,” Snape said kindly. “Come here.”

And to both of their amazement, He swept Harry up in a hug. Neither knew where that came from but both felt better for it. Being held so protectively by an adult felt so nice and with the emotional upheaval Harry had been through not only the last hour but the last couple of months meant Harry began to cry harder once he was in Snape’s arms. Snape, never told him to stop crying but just held him rubbing his back and assuring Harry that he was here. When all the tears were gone Harry reluctantly stepped back, out of the hug. Snape offered him a cool damp facecloth to wipe his eyes. Harry was astounded to realise that apart from some mild embarrassment about hugging and crying on his teacher he actually felt a lot lighter than he had for ages.

It was a couple of seconds later that Theo knocked and entered the room carrying the ingredients. Harry was relieved at the good timing, not knowing that Snape had put a ward on the door and Theo once seeing it had waited patiently outside until it was released. Snape gather the bottles and with both boys watching he gave instructions to what he was doing as he set out making a cream to apply to Harry’s hand. It didn’t take long and he was soon applying it to the cursed words, Harry felt the soothing feeling spread and a part of his body relaxed that he didn’t know was tense.

“Now Mr Potter, we should make a plan for how to deal with Professor Umbridge’s detentions. Do you think you will be able to ignore her in order to not get anymore?” Snape asked sitting down at his desk. The two boys sat down as well as Harry thought.

“I’m going to try. Theo and I talked about it earlier, and it doesn’t make any sense to continue to get them as they aren’t achieving anything.” Harry replied. Snape’s eyebrow rose and he responded.

“Two points each. Harry for listing to good advice from a rival house and Theo for being able to talk sense into a Gryffindor.” Harry flushed then laughed when he saw Snape was gently teasing them both. Theo grinned pleased.

“How confident are you with this plan Mr Potter?” Harry ducked his head, before replying.

“A little, it makes sense but sometimes I just get so angry that I can’t help myself.” He decided to reply honestly. Snape nodded as Theo added

“That is one of the downfalls to being a teenager, wild mood swings.”

“I’ve never seen you have any mood swings.” Harry accused while Snape wondered just how it was that one of his snakes was spending so much time with the Gryffindor golden boy that they could comment on each other’s moods.

“Oh, I get them. “ Theo assured Harry with an eye roll. “That’s why I meditate each morning before getting up to try and help control them.”

“I don’t know how to meditate,” Harry grumbled quietly.

“I can offer an alternative plan,” Snape told them. “When professor Umbridge tries to give you detention, you will be able to inform her that you are already severing detention with me every night for the rest of the month.”

“For what infringement?” Theo asked trying to fill in the holes of the lie.

“For stealing blue mud and Aloe vera from the potions stores,” Snape replied amused. Harry pulled a face at having to spend every night with Snape but he agreed that it was better than the alternative.

“What would I be doing? Not really severing detention right?” He asked.

“That will entirely depend on you, Mr Potter. If you have in fact done something worthy of a detention then yes you will be doing that. If on the other hand, you are guilt-free I will start off by teaching you how to meditate and then work up to Occlumency.” Harry who had being hunching down at the beginning of the speech perked up at the end.

“What’s Occlumency?”

“It’s one of the mind arts,” Theo replied impressed. “It’s incredibly useful, as it protects your mind from attacks, helps you to remember things almost perfectly.”

“It also.” Snape continued. “Helps you control your emotions. And sort out your memories and,” Looking at the dark shadows under the boy's eyes. “Can help with your dreams.” Harry looked eager to learn.

“It’s almost curfew boys. You both best be getting to your common room. I would hate to have to catch you out on my patrol and have to give you detention for real.”

Both boys nodded and left the office, they walked together until they came to a corridor where they would have to split to go their separate ways. Theo surprised Harry by curling a hand around his neck and gave him a quick dirty kiss.

“What was that for?” Harry asked blinking

“To give you something else to think about tonight,” Theo replied suggestively

“Oh” Harry replied bashfully looked entirely too good to resist. Theo gave him another kiss then stepped back saying before Harry could ask.

“That one was for my own use.” He smirked at the blush creeping up Harry’s neck and saunter away entirely pleased with himself.

*                    *                             *

Harry wasn’t sure how he managed to get back to the common room having walked back in a daze. He could see Hermione sitting on one of the couches doing homework and decided to join her. He quickly grabbed his books and headed back downstairs. She gave him a pleased smiled when he sat down next to her and the two of them work on their projects. It was about half an hour later when Ron came bursting through the common room door. He looked around and spotting them ambled over before collapsing on the couch.

“Have a good fly?” Harry asked seeing his windswept appearance.

“Yeah Mate, it was brilliant. It was a shame you didn’t come.” Ron replied.

Harry shrugged mildly, he did love to fly but even with the outburst, his afternoon had turned out pretty good anyway. He saw Ron once more eyeing his shorn hair and grimacing out of the corner of his eye but ignored it like normal. Ron still hadn’t gotten used to the new length and had started a fight with the twins when he learned that they had taught Harry a hair cutting spell made specifically to keep it this short. Harry on the other hand was entirely grateful as he didn’t want to keep cutting his head every time some hair grew.

*               *                        *

The next morning, Harry watched the owl post come in. He was hoping Hedwig would come in for a bit of affection and some treats before heading off to the owlery to sleep. She did this often enough that Harry had started saving her a treat with his breakfast as a part of his normal routine. He was rather surprised when he got two owls landing before him. Hedwig gave an annoyed bark, at the other common barn owl. It held out its leg with the letter on it pompously. Showing her that it had an obvious reason to be here. Hedwig fluffed up her feathers and gave another bark of warning. The owl looked at her a bit fearfully now as Harry quickly removed the letter. He knew what was coming. Hedwig snapped her beak and hoped towards the other bird threateningly. It quickly flew off with an alarmed hoot. Hedwig settled her feathers and walked with an imperious air back to her human.

“Gees mate, your bird sure has attitude,” Dean said half admiring half unsure.

“I like it,” Harry replied as Hedwig settled on his shoulder. Regally she accepted the best cuts of meat that her human had set aside specifically for her. She then began to preen his head feathers. It was quite smart of her human to arrange his feathers this way. He never could keep them neat when they were longer. Looking over her human she could see he was still too skinny. Searching over the table she saw some meat and she did a quick dive snatching it out of another humans hands before placing it on her human’s plate. She then barked demandingly nudging the plate closer to him in case he didn’t get the message.

“Hey! I was going to eat that!” Ron exclaimed. Not moving her body Hedwig turned her head around and glared at the squawking human. Ron spread his arms out in a gestor of peace

“You know what. It’s cool. I want Harry to eat that sausage.” He quickly said. Ignoring all the other laughing humans Hedwig turned back to hers and stared him down until he ate the sausage. Pleased he had gotten some meat into him she jumped back up onto his shoulder. Harry grinned as the rest of the table teased Ron for backing down to a bird. He noticed though no one even hinted at attempting to stand up the Hedwig themselves though.

“Who was the letter from Harry?” Ron asked in a desperate attempt to change the subject. Harry glanced at it. Seeing it was Sirius he felt conflicted. On the one hand, he loved to hear from his godfather, on the other hand, the revelation of James and the rest of the marauder's true nature still hurt and he had been glad that Sirius hadn’t written yet. Resolving to read it after class he shoved it in his bag.

“It’s no one interesting, just the adult I was talking to about that old house in London,” Harry replied casually trying to deflect attention. Ron screwed up his eyes in thought mouthing the old house in London before his face suddenly cleared.

“Ohhhh, right him.” He replied. Harry sighed to himself. Ron was as subtle as a brick. The bell for classes ran and giving Hedwig a last scratch before she flew off. Harry joined the other students heading out to class.

*                        *                     *

“Hem, hem” The fake cough made Severus look up as Umbridge entered his office without knocking.

“Can I help you with something?” Severus drawled

“Yes, Harry Potter claims he can’t serve detention with me as he in fact has detention with you until the beginning of the holidays.” She said in a sugary sweet voice. Severus said nothing about the proposed one-month detention suddenly growing to almost three. He also wasn’t surprised that the boy couldn’t make it through one of her classes without lashing out.

“That is correct.” He replied.

“Goodness Snape, what on earth did the boy do to incur your wrath so.” She asked eagerly. Seeing that, Severus knew what reply to give in order to help the boy.

“The brat thought he could steal from the potion supplies. He is just like his father so arrogant.” He spat, although he was pleased to notice that he no longer meant the words. “The rest of the wizarding society is too soft on him, well not me. I will teach that boy his place. Even if I have to pound it through his thick skull with endless detentions. I have always found fear and pain to be great teaching aids.”

“Well… I see..” Umbridge paused, Severus knew she was in a dilemma, on the one hand, she was thrilled someone else was making Harry suffer and didn’t seem to believe in him. On the other hand, she was now the high inquisitor and couldn’t public condone that sort of behaviour. Severus thought he knew how she was going to react and he wasn’t proven wrong. There was no one else around to witness her give him a smile and a little nod of approval. She then walked out and Severus knew that she wouldn’t inquire more into it so that she could claim public deniability if anything came to light. A sneer flitter over his face. Politicians, they were all the same.

With a sigh, he settled his mind before checking on the time. He had an appointment with the Headmaster. Snape wanted to bring up the lack of mind healer for Harry with him. He hoped that just because he didn’t know what a mind healer was didn’t mean he wasn’t seeing one. Maybe they just hadn’t told the boy what their job was, or maybe Albus had gotten a muggle psychologist. He was doing his best to fight down the doubt. But in the back of his mind was a little voice praying. Please merlin, don’t let it be that they didn’t get any help for the child what so ever. Severus stepped gracefully out of the Headmasters floo. Flicking his wand to clean up any stray ash.

“Ah, Severus my boy. Right on time as per normal.” Dumbledore said happily.

“Good evening, Albus.” He replied taking a seat. He accepted the tea Albus gave him and took a fortifying sip while the headmaster prattled on with niceties. Once he had his own tea in hand and they were both settled Albus inquired.

“Now my boy, what did you call this meeting for?”

“I wish to discuss Harry Potters mind healer,” Severus said firmly.

“Ah,” Albus said surprised. “The child needs more sessions with whoever you have organised. You can bring them into the castle….” Severus began before Albus interrupted him.

“I have not in fact organised any mind healers for Harry.” Severus put down his cup shocked, even with his doubts he had thought better.

“Why not? The child needs healing!!”

“For security reasons Harry cannot have a mind healer at this moment,” Albus said solemnly. Severus stared at him incredulously.

“I understand why the security around the child needs to be perfect, but there are still ways. The healer could swear an unbreakable vow. I know of a few discreet and considering the war efforts completely neutral healers. I could get in contact with them.” He offered.

“I’m afraid that’s not possible at this time,” Albus said firmly. Severus opened his mouth to continue to argue but was met with the cool stare of the extremely powerful general of the light. The one person Voldemort was afraid to fight. And one of his masters.

His training kicked in and he bowed his head in submission falling to his knees, the “Yes Sir.” coming out automatically to his master’s unspoken command. The general was tucked away with the grandfather once more coming to the front as Albus sighed sadly.

“Oh Severus, it brings me no joy to see you in such a fashion.”

It took a few moments before Severus was able to start to build the snarky potion master personality back up. His occlumency flicked him into the slave mindset for protection and continued survival the second it registered a command from one of his masters. Albus knew this and he waited patiently for Severus to finish. Once he was done he retook his seat and accepted the new cup of tea on autopilot. Once he had finished drinking it he dared to venture.

“I don’t know what you have planned for the child. But logically it doesn’t make sense to keep him wounded.”

Albus genuinely looked sorrowful as he replied. “There are factors which you can’t know about that change the equation. Besides, he is young, and the youth have an amazing capacity to bounce back.” Severus wanted to argue that last statement in particular but knew it was no use. He nodded and stood up.

“May I be excused back to my quarters?” He asked. Albus winced at the second reminder of his statues then nodded. He watched as Severus flooed away then sighed again as a single tear fell from his eye.

“Oh my poor boys, I do so want the very best for you both. But I fear it’s not going to be so.”

*                   *                            *

Harry pulled his curtains closed and got out the letter from Sirius. He had an hour before he had to go to Snape’s office for ‘detention’ and he hoped to cheer himself up from the crappy day he had so far. The only bright point after breakfast was being able to tell Umbitch that he had detention with Snape when she had tried to give him some. Of cause, the bitch kept trying to assign it further and further away until Harry had given in and said he had it until the beginning of the Christmas break. As he had thought it would the thought of him being in that much detention had pleased her enough that she had left it alone saying she was going to talk with Snape after. Harry did not doubt that Snape would go along with the lie and so hadn’t been worried. Of cause, this meant he had to suffer Hermione’s lectures and when Ron complained about Snape being a greasy git and dungeon bat, Harry found himself in the weird position of wanting to defend Snape but not being able to. In self-defense, he had fled to his bed.

Opening the letter he began to read

Dear Progslett.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          What’s this I hear about you cutting your hair? What did you want to go and do that for? I could have understood if you were pulling a prank, but my source says you have had it for over a month now. Listen, Harry, no prank is worth doing it for that long. Trust me. The longest we ever played the one prank was three weeks and let me tell you it was epic but never again. Anyway just nip down to Pomfrey she set you right in a jiffy and you can get back to wooing the ladies just like your dad. You’ll never get a girl with next to no hair. But with your hair, you can be like James. He never had any trouble pulling a bird. If any of those Slytherin’s give you any trouble I have the perfect prank for you to play on them, in fact, you and Ron should use it for a pre-emptive strike. Your dad and I played it on Snape once, it is a ………..

Harry didn’t bother to read the rest of the letter he ripped it up angrily. For fuck sake, did Sirius have to constantly compare him with his bulling prat of a father? And Harry bet Sirius source had red hair and slept in the bed next to his. The last thing he needed was for Sirius and Ron to team up about his hair. Yes, he had done it in a moment of spite. But nothing he had heard about his father made him regret the move at all. There would be no power on earth that would make him change it back. And the ladies part, first off he didn’t want to hear that his dad was a man-slut before he got with his mother, second off Sirius never even considered that maybe Harry wasn’t interested in girls like that. As far as he was concerned girls had never left the ‘eww, icky’ column. Harry took great delight in incinerating the letter and watching the ash drift around. He then got a quill and parchment and wrote an angry reply back to Sirius, telling him he didn’t want to be like his father that he was his own person and that he didn’t like girls anyway, and his hair was staying the way it was.Once he was done he cast a Tempus and saw he would have enough time to give the letter to Hedwig in the owlery and then head to Snape’s if he ran.

*                         *                                   *

The detentions over the past couple of months with Snape had been odd. His professor seemed to have deep thoughts on his mind. He would often ask a question about his home life then frown over the answer as they went through the beginning stages of mediation. Harry thought it sounded a bit ridiculous like breathing could control your mind. Never the less by the time he was done he had to admit that he did feel a lot more settled.

He rounded a corner to see Theo at the other end of the walkway. Theo looked back and winked at him before disappearing around the bend Harry hurried after him. Theo then proceeded to lead him on a merry chase all through the castle as they tried to avoid other people using all their knowledge of secret passageways and trick doors. There was a couple of times where due to knowledge the Marauders map had given him, Harry had been able to come out ahead of Theo who only looked startled for a moment before changing direction. By the time he managed to catch Theo in an out of the corner way his blood was up from the chase.

After grabbing onto him, they surged together, kissing hungrily. “We… so have to….. do this again.” Harry gasped in-between kisses. He didn’t know what it was but something about the whole chase and capture scene really appealed to him. Theo hummed in agreeance. He had thought Harry would like the chase but was thrilled with how much he seemed to enjoy it.

He knew he had a precious thing here with Harry and was going to do all in his power to hold onto him. He knew he wasn’t anywhere in the same league as the Boy-who-lived. Although he hated that moniker and was only interested in Harry and not the fame that went with the name. Hopeful he could do enough that Harry would never come to his senses and leave the son of a death eater for a respectable light wixen, probably the female Weasley.

He broke away from his lips and began to kiss down his neck to see if he liked that. Going by the groan and the hand in his hair holding him in place he was going to go with yes. Harry panted as Theo continued to kiss and suck his neck, he had heard the other boys talking about this but hadn’t understood the appeal. But Oh, yeah, this was a bit of alright. He got it now. Seeing Theo ear he thought he would try out something else the boys had talked about. He gently nibbled it before flicking his tongue behind the ear. Feeling the moan against his neck he figured he wasn’t screwing it up too badly and continued.

As their make-out session progressed Harry realised that Theo along with everything else he was doing was constantly dragging his hand through the black fluff on his head. He pulled away for a moment to ask.

“Why are you patting my hair?”

“Do you mind? I just can’t help myself. Merlin, it so soft!”

“God no,” Harry replied. “I was just checking, carry on.” Theo laughed as Harry got them back to where they were.

*                        *                             *

Harry entered the common room and flopped down next to Ron.

“How was detention?” Hermione asked looking up from the chess game they were playing.

“Fine” Harry replied with a smile. Ron looked across and chuckled

“Oh ho, there is no way detention with the bat left you smiling like that, Spill mate, you were seeing someone after weren’t you.” Harry felt a helpless smile spread across his face as he half-heartedly protested.

“Nooooo.” He drawled. Even Hermione laughed at that pathetic attempt.

“I knew it.” Ron crowed triumphantly. “All that, ‘going off to think’ crap, really you were making out.” Ron tickled Harry’s side and he tried to bat him away while laughing.

“No, get off.” Ron finally relented leaning back as Hermione said happily,

“So who is she? What is she like?”

“What is making out with her like? Does she have big knockers?” Ron interrupted cupping the air in front of his chest.

“Ron!” Hermione scolded hitting him over the head with the book she was currently holding. “You don’t ask things like that, and for goodness sake have some respect.”

Harry laughed as she beat Ron into submission

“Alright, alright, gees Hermione,” Ron whined rubbing his head.

“And if I don’t tell you who?” Harry asked smiling

“We’ll be able to guess I’m sure.” Ron said, “It’s no one from Gryffindor, I would already know about it if it was. You probably don’t want someone too brainy so that knocks out most of Ravenclaw.” Ignoring Hermione huff at the brainy part. “There are some pretty fit birds in Hufflepuff. I reckon it might be one of them.”

“You aren’t even close, she is a he, to start with. “ Harry laughed.

He looked up at the sudden silence to see Hermione biting her lip with worry while Ron looked deadly serious.

“What? What is it?”

“Harry mate, guys don’t date guys,” Ron replied

“What?” Harry replied confused. “Yes they do, I saw two older Ravenclaw boys dating.”

“Harry,” Hermione began tentatively. “No one obviously told you this but only some of the traditional purebloods accept same-sex couples.”

“She means only Dark wixen do. Anyone who is Light knows it’s abnormal.” Ron said.

“Really?” Harry asked weakly a sinking feeling of despair appear inside of him Both Ron and Hermione nodded with straight faces.

“Oh Harry, I thought for sure you knew this.”

“Tell me who took advantage of you mate, and me and my brothers will teach him a lesson for trying to corrupt the Boy-who-lived,” Ron promised darkly. Harry shook his head, half in refusal half in denial.

“I’m going to go to bed.” He gasped out.

“Of cause Harry, this must have been such a shock for you,” Hermione said sympathetically.

Harry just nodded woodenly and staged away to his bed. Drawing his curtain and casting the silencing charm.

“FUUUUCKKKK”

Harry screamed his throat raw punching his leg again and again in anger. Hitting it harder and harder trying to beat the unnaturalness out of himself. He didn’t know if Theo had tricked him or not. But that didn’t change the fact that once again he had proven himself to be an abomination. Theo hadn’t made him feel the way he did. His thoughts on boys had been all his own. His leg was mottling up with a bruise as he continued to punch it.

The pain only serving the drive his self-hatred deeper.

“Disgusting Feak.” He cursed himself.

“Dirty. Unnatural. Poofter.” He continued to hit his leg, he needed to be punished. There was something wrong with him. Something wrong in his mind that made him think things about boy’s bodies instead of girls. He looked down at his groin in disgust.

“It’s all your fault.” He hiss savagely.

Kneeling up he clasped both his hands into a fist above his head then with all his strength he brought them swinging down slamming into his groin.

Instantly everything whited out, then the pain came rushing back in. Harry found himself curled up legs drawn tight to his stomach in an unconscious effort to soothe the fiery pain and heat that was radiated out from his groin. He wheezed in distress, not able to move. The tears came then pouring out of him like he was a deficient bucket with holes in the bottom. He would never be normal, no one would ever be able to love him. He would spend the rest of his life alone and unwanted because of his taint. He gasped again the tears and blocked nose making it almost impossible to breathe. Feeling like he was drowning he continued to cry until he fell into an exhausted sleep.

By the time morning had come around, Harry was exhausted. He had barely gotten any sleep and what sleep he did get was filled with nightmares. He got the full range from the graveyard to a long black hall with a door at the end that he desperately wanted to go through, to him standing naked in front of all of his loved ones, the Weasley’s Sirius, Remus, and Hermione. And they all shouted slurs at him and turned away in disgust. His body was still radiating pain and Harry wasn’t sure he could move. He had managed to cover himself with a blanket but was still curled up in the foetal position. Ron poked his head through the curtains and asked concerned.

“Are you getting up soon?” Harry shook his head. Ron pulled a face and said agreeably.

“I’ll tell all your teachers that you are feeling sick. It must be horrible to find out you have been used that way. Spend the day in bad mate.”

“Thanks, Ron.” Harry croaked out.

Grateful to have such an understanding best mate who would cover for him when he screwed up this badly. Ron nodded then withdrew. Harry listen listlessly as the rest of his dorm mates got up and ready for school.

About an hour after they left Harry shuffled out of bed. He couldn’t stand up straight but had to walk hunched over to the bathroom. It was made doubly hard by the fact the leg he had punched was reluctant to take too much weight. He forced himself to walk on both legs, sweat breaking out of his forehead, with the twin sensation of pain. It hurt both sites when he moved and he just wanted to stay still for as long as possible. But he knew from experience that it was best to ‘walk it off’.

He gave a cry of alarm when he tried to pee and it felt like he was pissing out acid. He looked down in shock to see blood coloured urine. He realised that he had done a serious amount of damage to himself, but the guilt and self-hatred smothered him telling him that he needed to suffer before he could be cleansed. He was sorta glad that he was this badly hurt. This way he was being punished for his mistakes. His childhood had taught him that it was always better to take the punishment as soon as possible after making a mistake otherwise the punishment would be worse and it would be that much longer before he could be forgiven. Of cause, Harry had trouble remaining normal and often made the same mistake again and again.

Hobbling back to his bed, he had to pause leaning against the nearest surface again and again as his leg was shaking with the pain, and cramps in his abdomen were starting up. He collapsed on his bed, shaking and covered in sweat. He was now doubly glad Ron had told everyone he was sick. There was no way he could go out in public like this. He couldn’t cover this up and it would raise too many questions. Drawing his wand from under his pillow he charmed his curtains closed, then fell into a pain-filled nap. He spent the rest of the day dozing when he could and when the pain got so bad that it woke him, he lay there drowning in dark thoughts.

When Ron came to check on him after school he was asleep and seeing his pale drawn face Ron took mercy on him and let him be. Keeping the other boys out of the room as much as possible and making sure they spoke in whispers if they were in the room. He hovered protectively near Harry’s bed, and not that he knew it acting a lot like his mother when one of her children was sick. He only had to scold Neville for dropping a book in a heated whisper for the other boys to decide they wanted to hang out in the common room, rather than be attacked by Ron’s protective stance.

Once he was happy that the boys wouldn’t be disturbing Harry. He got a glass of water and gave up one of his chocolate frogs and left them on Harry’s bedside table, for when he woke up. Glad that Harry was looked after for the moment Ron went to join the other boys so he wouldn’t wake Harry by rattling around the bedroom.

*                                    *                           *

By the next day, Harry was able to get up and walk again. His magic working overtime to try and heal him. He was still walking tenderly and with a limp, but he could go back to classes. He knew if he had two days off in a row he had to be seen by Madam Pomfrey. Wanting to avoid her attention he dragged himself off the last day of classes before the Christmas break would begin. With his magic drained he was completely useless in the classroom.

The only advantage was in defence. Harry was so relieved to sit still and not do anything, that he was quite happy to stare at his book. He still didn’t read a single word of the stupid thing but let his mind wander. If fact when Professor Umbridge started going on about liars and no danger in the outside world he didn’t react at all. (He hadn’t actually heard her, as he had stopped paying attention to her speaking.) He just continued to stare woodenly at his book. It left the impression in Umbridge mind that not only was he an unhinged liar but he was very dim-witted as well.

By the time the end of classes came, Harry had spent the majority of the day in a daze. Ron had also spent the day in deep thought as he led his best friend around. He pulled an unprotesting Harry into an empty classroom followed by a curious Hermione.

“Hermione, can you put up some ears dropping wards and silencing spells? I would, but you’re the best at doing them and I don’t want anybody listing into our conversation.” Ron asked, not seeing her pleased blush as the complement. She did as he asked, and then the two of them transfigured three chairs into comfortable couches while Harry watches on bemused and a bit distant.

“Right, we need to have a serious conversation.” Ron started once they were all seated. Harry came back to the present, dragging his mind out of the fog it had been in.

“Here is the thing. Harry, I have been thinking about this a lot, and I reckon there is something wrong with you.” Harry bowed his head with acceptance.

“RON!” Hermione snapped.

“No, listen.” Ron returned earnestly. “I get that Harry didn’t know about the homo thing, and I don’t blame him for that. But if some guy came up and kissed me, I would punch him in the mouth. Not kiss him back. So there is something wrong with Harry, which is not his fault.” He hurried added when he saw Hermione open her mouth. “And it is disgusting that some bastard took advantage of that. Are you sure you don’t want to tell us who that was mate?” Harry shook his head and Ron sighed but nodded.

“Yeah, I reckon I would want to tell anyone either, I get it. “ He then turns back to Hermione and said.

“So we need to help Harry. It’s probably the fault of those crappy Muggles he lives with. They probably did something that made his wires cross in his brain.” Hermione bit her lip then said.

“He could have been born this way, I think they are trying to prove that in the muggle world.” Ron nodded.

“Yeah it happens sometimes here as well, but in the wizarding world, we can help the people here control it. To start with I think we should set some new rules for Harry to live by. To help guide him.” Hermione looked unsure so Harry spoke up.

“I actually think it is a good idea. There is so much stuff that I don’t know that everybody else does. It would be nice to have some guidelines.” Ron clapped him on the shoulder.

“I knew you would understand. I know you hate being not normal, this way we can help you get better.” He replied happily.

“Ok, to start with, you need to get changed behind your curtains, and make sure you’re not in the bathroom at the same time as someone else having a shower.” Harry hesitantly pointed out.

“Um, I don’t find every boy attractive, and I never been interested in anyone from our dorm.”

“That’s good to know Harry. This means it’s not as bad as I feared. Still, it’s best to keep you away from temptation. We don’t want you to get worse, especially since you have already fallen off the wagon.” Harry flushed with shame. Ron punched him gently on the shoulder.

“Don’t worry mate, we are going to help you until you can be normal again.”

“I’m going to look for some book on how to help. “ Hermione added. “I want to make sure we use the best way possible.”

“Thank guys,” Harry said gratefully.

He was so pleased to see his two best friends were still with him. He once more believed they would be with him no matter what. It looked like that part of the nightmare was wrong. Still, he couldn’t be completely happy a voice in the back of his head was whispering that he was still deceiving them. Theo had never made a move on Harry. He was the one to initiate all the physical contact between them, and it was Harry who first kissed Theo.

“Look at the time Harry, you better get going if you don’t want to be late for detention with Snape. “ Hermione informed him.

*                       *                       *

At some stage on his journey to Snape’s office, Theo had joined him walking quietly at his side. Harry touched his elbow gingerly.

“Can I have a word?” He asked. Theo looked at him searchingly then nodded and led him to a classroom that was near Snape’s office.

“You were sick yesterday? Are you alright?” Theo asked concerned.

Harry took a shaky breath, god this was hard. He loved the way Theo made him feel, and the kisses had been additive. But more than that he had genially enjoyed Theo’s company. However he knew he was a terribly weak person and if Theo stayed near him, he wouldn’t be able to help himself and would fall off the wagon again. After all his friends had done for him, he was determined to do his bit, no matter how hard it was.

“I’m fine that’s not what I wanted to talk about.” Harry took a deep breath and continued. “We should stop seeing each other.”

Theo stepped back with shock, then putting his hands in his pocket he waited, once again giving Harry the time to say all he wanted to say without interruptions. Which only made it harder, this act of kindness when Harry was taking away their happiness.

“I’m so sorry Theo, you didn’t do anything wrong.” Harry rushed out trying to reassure him. “It’s totally my fault.”

“You’re giving me the ‘it’s not you it’s me’ speech?” Theo asked coldly

“What?” Harry asked bewildered. Was there some kind of gay brake up speech he had never heard of? Seeing the sincerity in Harry’s face. Theo pinched his nose in frustration then crossed his arms.

“Continue.” He said.

“It’s just, I didn’t know that boys aren’t supposed to kiss other boys. “Harry explained earnestly. “I only just found out, and I feel really bad that I corrupted you. Like I said before, I know you did nothing wrong, I was the one who started all of this. I kissed you first and led you astray and I’m really sorry for that.”

“And if I don’t think that way?” Theo asked frostily

“Oh, did you not know about this as well?” Harry asked surprised, maybe they had both been unknowingly misled.

“I know that some people have issues with it. I am not one of them.” Theo replied. “I thought you weren’t either.”

“Yeah, that’s my fault,” Harry replied trying to take all the blame as he rubbed the back of his head in a self-soothing gestor. “There is so much about the wizarding world that I don’t know. And I’m learning as quickly as I can, but there are times when things slip through the cracks. This was one of them. I am so sorry Theo really I am.”

Theo’s face had turned alarming blank the longer Harry talk until he couldn’t see any emotion at all.

“I see,” Theo replied blankly.

“I really am sorry,” Harry said again. He was willing to bear all the fault in this he didn’t want Theo to have any guilt.

“I’ll take my leave then,” Theo replied and turned and left abruptly.

Harry took a couple of wet gasps. The pain of seeing Theo walk away was more than he expected it to be. This had to be the hardest thing he had ever done, to send Theo away took more effort and strength than fighting Voldemort ever had. Harry was sure that despite not wanting to that he had hurt Theo terribly. And that made things so much worse. Harry would gladly take all the pain and hurt so that Theo didn’t have to have any. But to know that he had caused this pain instead of taking it away cut all the deeper. Here was more proof that Harry did nothing but hurt those who got close to him. Theo hadn’t even been around him for that long and Harry stabbed him in the heart. Not for the first time the thought, the world would be a better place if he wasn’t in it popped up. But this time the thought was stronger and lingered far longer than it had before.

*                               *                              *

Harry entered Snape’s office almost on autopilot, to be confronted with his potion teacher standing in the middle of the room arms crossed with a grumpy frown on his face.

“Sir?” Harry asked

“What’s wrong with you? You have been limping around the school and not paying attention in class.” Snape demanded.

“Oh,” Harry replied distantly. “No, I’m fine. I’m here to learn to breathe? Which is kinda odd when you think of it. I thought I had been breathing, I thought I had been doing it all my life. It doesn’t surprise me that I have screwed that up as well. Stupid potter can’t even breathe right.”

Snape rushed over to the child alarmed but his vague and rambling answer. He picked Harry up concerned with how light he was and placed him gently in the chair. “Look at me.” He said, then shone his wand at the child’s eyes noticing the slowed reaction and glazed appearance. He cast a diagnostic charms over him, red light flaring over his head, right outer thigh, and groin area. Knowing that the shock would kill him before any other injury Snape cast a warming charm on him, then taking off his outer robe he wrapped the child up. He quickly got a calming draft and got the child to drink it followed by a glass of water.

“You’re in shock.” He hold Harry, who had been extremely biddable so far.

“Ok.” The child agreed blinking up at him.

“I’m going to get Madam Pomfrey to come and check on your injuries.” For the first time, the child stirred shaking his head furiously in refusal. The monitor charm showing his heart rate started flashing as his heart sped up.

“Alright, no Pomfrey.” Snape soothed, and with relief watched as the heart rate slowly dropped back down.

“But Harry I need to check on those injuries. Receiving them put your body in shock.”

“No Sir,” Harry corrected. “I got them two days ago.”

Snape paused then he knelt down in front of Harry.

“Then how did you fall into shock?”

“I don’t know Sir.”

“What were you doing just before you arrive here?”

“I was breaking up with Theo.”

“You were dating Mr Nott?” Snape asked surprised. Harry misunderstood and hung his head saying sadly.

“I didn’t know it was bad. ‘m sorry. I’m trying to fix it”

He thought he heard Snape swear “Fucking Light” under his breath but that couldn’t be right. Snape took both his hands and held them still kneeling before him which put them at head height.

“Harry, I want you to listen to me very carefully ok,” Snape said clearly. Harry nodded looking shyly at him. He had never had an adult look at him this way before like he was very important and they wanted to make sure he fully understood what they were going to say.

“Your feelings for Theo are not bad or wrong. They are completely natural and normal.” Harry gasped and started to cry silently.

“The reason you would have gotten a mixed response to this is that some time ago the muggle-borns brought a fear of same-sex couples into the wizarding world. The main issue being the fact that any same-sex couple would not be able to have any natural-born children. There was also a fear of blood magic. There is a potion, where blood willing given can make an adopted child into a full-blooded one. But the muggle-borns at that time didn’t understand and they feared this was an act of black magic. As the wizarding world has always placed a lot of weight on the importance of continuing the family line the light embraced this belief and within a couple of generations, fear of same-sex couples became cemented in their mind, whether they were pureblood or not. Those of the neutral or dark faction have never had any issues with this.”

“Oh,” Harry replied reeling. Had he hurt Theo for no reason? God, he was constantly fucking things up. Here he had the one good thing that had been going for him this year and he tore it apart. And yet the Boy-who-lived couldn’t be gay. He couldn’t repay his best friends trust in him, going against their abhorrence. It went against everything the hero of the wizarding world stood for. And yet poor Theo, Harry had forced himself upon him, and then instead of throwing him off like anyone normal, Theo had been abundantly kind and went along with the whole thing. Only to be rewarded with Harry slapping him in the face with his ignorance. Had he known there would have been a chance that they could have remained friends. But he was too arrogant to open a book and find out the rules, he just sat back and waited for other people to do all the hard work and tell him. Now, he had destroyed any chance of that happing. He constantly self-destructed any chance he had at happiness. It was like he wanted to be unloved forever.

Snape softly squeezed his hands bringing his attention back to him.

“I promise we can talk more about this later, but I still would like to check out your injuries.”

“Ok” Harry replied meekly. The fact he was still in the stages of shock and was reeling from this new information had his brain half shutting down. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew there was a reason he didn’t want anyone to see, but he could remember what it was. He had gone into survival mode, which because of his childhood meant doing anything an adult asked of him and not to think as much as possible.

Snape didn’t want to do this but Harry’s health was more important than his delicate sensibilities. Besides which with his training he had helped out Pomfrey in the hospital wing with the male patience on many occasions. He performed a couple of transfiguration turning his office into a mini-hospital wing. He then led Harry over to the hospital bed and positioned the folding screen in front of him.

“Ok Harry, I need you to remove your trousers and pants then hop up onto the bed. You can keep the rest of your clothes on including my teaching gown.” He listens to the sound of clothing being removed then the sheets squeak as Harry climbed up.

“Ok,” Harry called out. Snape got Harry to lie down on the bed.

“Harry I’m going to start by lifting the gown to just above this injury on your right thigh ok?” Snape explained. Harry nodded and Snape was careful to only expose that one leg. Pleased Harry was wearing his gown as it made it possible to check his injuries without making the child feel naked. There was a massive deep bruise on the thigh, pitch-black in colour, and the area was swollen. Snape cast a spell and wasn’t surprised to read that the trauma was so deep that the bone was bruised as well. He cast a healing charm then went and got his strongest jar of bruise paste. He applied it gently but was greatly alarmed when the child didn’t even flinch. No matter how gentle he was that had to hurt. Just how high was Harry’s pain tolerance? Although this did explain how he managed to walk on it today.

Covering his leg back up again Snape applied his Occlumency shields before attempting the groin area. He had a feeling seeing how bad this was that it would be a lot worse.

“You’re doing really well Harry.” Snape praised. “I’m going to check your groin area now.” Harry nodded again his head turned away as it had been for this whole procedure. Snape was glad he had been wearing his split robes it meant he could expose the groin while still keeping Harry’s legs covered.

Once he did so the sight that greeted him was so horrific that his Occlumency shields almost fell they were rattled that hard. Snape had seen a lot of atrocities as a death eater. This was up there. The whole groin area was misshapen and swollen. It was mottled in areas of pitch black and bright red. Snape had no idea had the boy was still moving. He should be in St Mungo’s in the critical ward.

The only possible explanation was the boys magic much have kicked in doing all it could to help. No wonder the child couldn’t do his schoolwork today. His magic must be all but drained away. It would take a couple of days of rest before it would refill again. Snape was oddly glad Harry had come to him. As talented as Pomfrey was, no light spell would be able to help. If fact except for the spell he had created he wasn’t sure a Dark spell would have been able to help either. If it hadn’t been for this spell they would have been left with no choice but to try and soothe some of the symptoms and then just wait. Wait to see if Harry’s magic would be able to heal him.

He took out his wand and began the incarnation which was somewhere between a chant and a song. He kept it up not stopping as with each pass of his wand the groin slowly got a little better. An unknown time later the groin was finally healed. Snape stopped chanting and staggered over to a seat. The blessing and downside to this spell was it drained the casters magic to heal. This was perfect for Harry as he didn’t have any magic spare at the moment, but it did mean that Snape was going to have to rest now. His magic was half drain from him.

“You can get dressed now, Harry.” He said tiredly. The child slowly sat up then slid off the bed getting dressed. Snape wanted to talk about the injuries, hate for the Light burring bright in him. He was all but convinced they would have done it under some stupid excess, like using pain to beat temptation from his body. But with tiredness creeping upon him, he knew it would have to wait until tomorrow night’s detention. With the mood he was in, he knew there was no way he would be able to remain calm and collected enough to have this discussion.

Harry reappeared from around the screen redressed. He had taken Snape’s gown off and held it in one hand.

“That’s all for tonight Harry. You can leave the gown on the tablet.” The child did as he was bid. Walking to the door he paused and glancing back said gratefully.

“Thank you, Professor.” Snape nodded tiredly.

“We will discuss this tomorrow night. In the meantime, I want you to make sure something like this doesn’t happen again.”

“I will, Professor, I promise,” Harry answered.

Had Snape been in his normal frame of mind he would have been concerned with Harry’s formal answers and the queer look on his face. However, he didn’t catch them at this time, something that would haunt him for years to come.

*                                     *                                    *

Harry sat in his window seat looking out at the restful night scene. He had made an important decision while he was in Snape’s office and ever since then he had been feeling entirely peaceful. In fact his head sorta felt like it was floating above his body. He had decided to remove himself from this world. To make sure ‘things’ like all the mistakes he had made lately didn’t happen again.

More and more circumstances happened to show him that he should be dead. If he had died with his parents like he was supposed to then things would have been better. Because of some freak chance that he lived, the world had been trying to fix that mistake ever since. First, it had sent him to live with the Dursley to try and show him that the world didn’t want him in it. The Dursley certainly had told him that multiple times. But Harry had been too stupid to listen, so the world had been forced to step up its game in order for the message to get across. If Harry was too thick to listen to his own agony then the world would have no choice but to hurt those around him. Each year that Harry insist on continuing to live the pain others suffered got worse.

In first year Ron was beaten by the chess set and then Harry goes and kills Professor Quirrell with his bare hands. Second-year, Hermione is almost eaten by a basilisk and ends up petrified. And innocent Ginny is possessed and all but drained of life. Third-year Ron is once again hurt, his leg braking and being kidnapped by what he thought was a mass murder. Sirius is attacked by dementors and almost has his soul destroyed. Then last year the world got so fed up with Harry refusing to listen that poor Cedric was killed. All because of Harry. Not only that but now countless people were suffering and being killed because Harry brought back Voldemort.

And now look at this year. It had barely started and already Harry had caused Theo to have his heartbroken, he had spread his disgusting gayness and made Ron and Hermione have to take on extra work to help try and fix him. And now even Professor Snape was becoming affected by Harry’s taint. Having to perform so much magic that he is left exhausted. Yes, the world would certainly be better off if he wasn’t here anymore. The wizarding world might say they wanted Harry Potter, but they were only interested in the storybook hero. And Harry had tried to live up to that ideal but he had fallen so short again and again.

For those who actually knew him, well the benefits outweighed the disadvantage of not having him around. Hermione would be able to concentrate properly on her school work and show the world just how amazing she is. Ron would finally be able to step out of the shadow cast by Harry’s fame. (Harry knew how dark that shadow was, he had been smothered by it multiple times.) And Theo, his Theo, would be able to find someone who wasn’t so deficient that they led him on then broke his heart.

Looking down in his lap, the potion knife gleamed as the moonlight hit it. Harry picked it up and having already rolled up his sleeves he placed the tip against his inner arm by the elbow joint. The knife slipped a little, jolting Harry and he looked down at the small cut in surprise. Taking a breath he put it back and hesitantly applied pressure. Again he stopped after a second, not use to the sensation of his skin parting so easily followed by a long pause before the pain hit. It took Harry a couple more tries before he took a deep breath and holding the knife securely, slit it from the elbow down to his wrist. The knife had been so sharp that it had cut a lot deeper then Harry was trying for. He was astounded at the amount of blood that gushed from his arm. Worried that he wouldn’t have enough strength to do the second arm if he didn’t hurry. He placed the knife pointing upwards in between his knees, squeezing it tightly. He then placed his other inner arm against the knife and pulled backward. It wasn’t as neat a cut as his first arm but it did the job.

Harry slowly slumped over arms spread out to either side of him. Oh, I’m cold. He thought absentmindedly. I didn’t know dying meant you felt cold. He blinked the thought away as he watched the blood continue to pour from his arm. His magic stirred sluggishly trying to heal him but he was still drained. All it could do was make him linger for a little longer. Harry could feel his vision dimming, there was darkness around the outside of his sight and it was slowly creeping inwards. He was becoming very sleepy, his eyes closing for…..

Longer…..

And longer…..

Periods.

I’m coming home Mummy, I miss you. Just wait for me a little longer. He thought peacefully. Cracking his eyes open for the last time he saw a blurry figure dressed all in black coming towards him. Hello Death, I’m ready now. He held out a wobbly hand and closed his eyes willing himself into the angel’s embrace. The last thing he heard before the darkness overtook him was an anguished cried coming faintly from far away.

“HARRY, NO!”

Chapter Text

 
Theo stormed around the castle in a fine temper. His anger was a thin cover to hide the hurt he felt inside. The four months he had spent in Harry’s company had been bloody brilliant. He had been sure when he had first seen the Gryffindor golden boy by the window seat, that he was about to be cursed. And yet none had come his way, even though his Slytherin tie was in full view. The surprise of this combined with the pitiful puppy dog eyes had led him to try an experiment. He had offered to share the seat. He would have no idea how this would change things for him. 

The Gryffindor was nothing like what the rumours made him out to be. It hadn’t taken Theo very long at all to see behind the Hero figure to the completely human teen behind who had been through horrific experiences and had huge burden placed on his shoulders, had faults and troubles just like everyone else. Yet somehow he had kept going.

And he had an appalling lack of sense when it came to personal space. Well, Theo hadn’t been raised a fool. If some male who was looking incredible fit with his new hairstyle, constantly sprawled his body all over him, Theo certainly wasn’t going to complain. The more he had got to know him the more he had realised what a compliment this was. It wasn’t a subtle trick as he had first thought. Harry didn’t have a deceitful bone in his body.

It meant that Harry was completely comfortable in his presence. Still even with this Theo had never thought to even hint at going further. So you could have knocked him over with a feather when Harry had kissed him. Yes, he had desired Harry but he was convinced that he was firmly entrenched in the Light camp. Theo had been more than happy with just his friendship. 

To find out that Harry was neutral was an unlooked-for blessing. The next three months of dating him had been going so well that Theo had foolishly started to hope for a long term partnership. Perhaps if the gods looked favourably on him, he could get until the end of their school years. Once school was ended and Harry was available to the whole of the wizarding world he would find himself a more appropriate partner. Theo had convinced himself that he was perfectly content with that. But no, he finds out it was all based on a lie. His hubris must have gotten so big that the gods had to knock him back down to size.

Theo snarled angrily at himself. So much for the Slytherin cunning. He should have realised the-boy-who-lived didn’t know better. How many times had he seen Harry’s appalling lack of knowledge and yet never thought to question this. It had hurt so much to hear the bullshit Harry was sprouting that had been fed to him by the bloody ignorant Light almost a bad as the pain of realising that they were over.

Harry had crept further into Theo feelings then he had intended. Even now with the brake up from hell, he was mostly angry and blaming himself rather than Harry. The longer he walked the more his concern for Harry grew. What exactly had the Light fools told his trusting boyfriend?

Theo had heard the horror stories coming from those who had fled the Light. He knew they were extremely good at applying guilt trips. And Harry had a nasty habit of taking on everyone else guilt if he could. There had also been hints and whispers of physical guidance.

Theo stopped frowning he had never received an answer to what was wrong with Harry. The sense of something being wrong grew, and Theo turned and hurried towards their window. If Harry was physically fine he would turn and walk away keeping an eye on him from a distance. Making sure he was content and not getting over his head. 

He turned the last corner and felt a massive blow punch through him at the sight of his boyfriend slumped over, looking like a fallen angel, red wings of blood flowing out from him. His arms were spread like the muggle crucified god. 

“HARRY! NO!”

He screamed in fear running towards him. Harry weakly lifted one of his arms reaching out to Theo for help. 
His body lost all its tension as Theo got to him. He prayed to all the old gods that he wasn’t too late as he pressed his hands against the cuts but they were too long.

Whipping off his school robe he viciously cut it in half then tightly wrapped both of Harry’s arms. He then pressed both arms against Harry’s chest putting pressure on them. Removing one hand just for a second he ripped the ceramic tiny snake from his necklace and smashed it against the wall before putting both hands back on Harry’s arms. 

The simple snake charms had been given to all the Slytherins in the first year to be used in an emergency. If they smashed it, then Professor Snape would get an alert and would rush to their sides. Theo had not needed to use his so far. But now he was incredibly glad Snape gave them out each year to anybody who needed a new one. 

It seemed like an incredibly long time, even though in reality it was not before Snape appeared. He took one look at the scene and whipped out his wand. A beautiful silver doe appeared. 

“Go to Pomfrey. Tell her there is an exsanguinated male student at my location.”

The doe sprang through the wall and disappeared. Snape hurried to the two boy’s side beginning to chant his healing spell, for the second time that night.

Snape didn’t know if the fates hated Harry Potter or loved him. His magic was at half strength from already being drained by the spell, but because he had cast it already the magic was been accepted into Harry’s body better than normal. Like seeking out like. It meant the healing was working better than it would otherwise. Later Snape would muse this was the only reason Harry didn’t die that night.

There was a loud crack and Pomfrey apparated next to them. As medwitch, she was the only person in the whole of the castle who could do so. Snape didn’t stop chanting and Pomfrey didn’t disturb him. Instead, she magicked the blood replenishment potions she had brought with her into Harry's stomach. She then cast a diagnostic charm and looked thoughtfully at the result. 

“The laceration marks are almost closed.” She said matter factly. “Should only need a couple more passes and then you can stop casting.” 

Snape nodded to show her had heard her but didn’t stop chanting. Theo didn’t know what to do. He was scared and didn’t want to get in anyone’s way. But as neither adult had told him to move he stayed right where he was putting pressure on Harry’s arms. After a moment, one of the lights in Madam Pomfrey diagnostic charmed changed colour. 

“You can stop now. “She said,
Snape did so and then staged to the closest wall and slid down it until he was sitting on the ground. 

“Do you need Aid?” She asked concerned. 
Snape tiredly shook his head.

“Magical exhaustion,” He self-diagnosed. “Concentrate on Harry.”

“I can do more than one thing at once you know.” She sniffed. Her wand had been constant casting this whole time. With a final wave, she cleaned up the blood spilt everywhere then sat down next to Harry and turned to Theo. 

“You can let go now.” She said kindly.

“Shouldn’t you be rushing him to the hospital wing?” Theo asked panicky. 

“Not yet,” She replied in a calm tone. “He is not stable enough to move at this moment.” She pointed to one of the colours of the diagnostic charm.

Theo who couldn’t make sense of the spell, it just looked like a bunch of colours and squiggles none the less was reassured by her confidence. He slowly removed his hands and stood up. Only to shift from foot to foot, he didn’t know what to do now? He felt weird and adrift.

Snape tiredly patted the ground next to him and Theo eagerly went to sit beside his head of house. Glad he hadn’t been sent away as he was feeling rather clingy and had no desire to be alone. Or funnily enough in anyone else company except these three.

Snape wrapped an arm around Theo, wanting and knowing that after such an event those involved would crave human touch. Sure enough, the boy pressed up against him. 

“Did you do this?” Madam Pomfrey asked Theo as she removed the blood-soaked garment from around Harry’s arms. Theo nodded unsure. 

“Well done. Wrapping the arms uptight then putting pressure on them, that was exactly right. You deserve a bunch of points for it.” She praised.

“100 points to Slytherin. “ Snape mumbled. Theo shot him a wide eye look of incredulous.

“For remaining calm in an emergency, and saving another students life. I’m also going to see if I can’t get you a special award.” He continued, then to his embarrassment gave a huge yawn.

Madam Pomfrey tutted and handed over a pep up potion which he drank in one gulp. It helped, but only a little. He wouldn’t fall asleep now, but that was it.

“You really must teach me that spell, Severus,” Pomfrey said keeping half an eye on the diagnostic colours as she cleaned Harry’s healed but scared arms.

“It drains magic from the caster,” Snape warned

“Yes, I gathered that for myself, thank you.” She replied primly.

“And it will never be approved by the ministry.”

“They can shove their light spells only nonsense up their ass.” She replied

Theo choked for a second then burst out into helpless laughter at the profanity coming from the Medwitch. She gave him a friendly wink 

“You’ll keep this just between us right?” She asked jokingly.

Theo nodded grinning, only to have it fall off his face when he looked back across at Harry. Merlin but his moods were all over the place at the moment. 

“After an event like this, it is quite normal to have wild mood swings and flashes of extremely strong emotions. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself randomly bursting into tears, or lashing out in anger. It will settle down again but it will take some time.” She explained.

A small ding came from her charm and some of the colours changed. 
“Right we can move now.” She conjured two stretchers and floated Harry over to one of them.

“I don’t need a stretcher!” Snape said tetchily.

“Ok,” She agreed calmly. “Up you get then.”

She subtly shook her head at Theo warning him not to help. To Snape’s frustration, he could barely shift let alone stand. Walking it seemed was out of the question altogether. 

“You needn’t worry about what other people will think.” She consoled. “It’s after curfew and we will time it right to miss the patrols.” Snape sighed then nodded his acceptance. With a minimal amount of fuss, she had him on the second stretcher. 

“Theo, would you be able to guild Snape’s stretcher while I’ll take Harry’s.”

“Yes Mam,” Theo replied.

He then followed behind the medwitch, and true to her word they didn’t meet another soul as they made their way back to the hospital wing. Once inside she got both Harry and Snape settled on beds next to each other than make sure they had curtains around them in case someone else came into the wing. She then hustled Theo into some pj’s and put him into the bad next to Harry’s. 

“But I’m not hurt.” He replied confused. She smiled sadly at him

“Not physically” she agreed. “Still I want to keep an eye on you as well. See if you can get some sleep.”

“I’m not tired Madam, it’s just after curfew and I normally go to sleep a couple of hours later than this.”

“Fair enough, see if you can’t rest for a bit then.” She answered.

Theo frowned doubtful at her but under the patient stare, got under his blankets, and closed his eyes. Exhaustion hit him like a sledgehammer and the next second he asleep. 

“How did it go?” Snape whispered. 

“He is out like a light.” She replied in a normal tone. “Just like you should be.”

“I’ll do so in a minute,” Snape agreed. “I’m concerned about Harry. How long will be in the hospital wing for?”

“Physically he could be released in a couple days’ time. Mentally? He needs to go on to suicide watch, and have someone with him around the clock for at least the next month, possibly longer. I’ll have to make a rotation with his friends for when school starts up again.” 
Snape grimaced then replied. 

“I believe that one of the reasons he attempted this tonight, was due to the fact he had been dating Theo and his light friends found out and convinced him that it was unnatural. I also have reason to believe they caused him physical sexual damage which I healed earlier tonight. It was the reason I am magically drained now.” 

Pomfrey frowned then cast a different spell on Harry’s body. The frown turned into an expression of sorrow. 

“The wounds were self-inflicted. I didn’t know if he was encouraged into doing it or if it was all his own idea that will be left up to his mind healer.“
Snape couldn’t hide his wince quickly enough and was confronted with Pomfrey angry stare. 

“Don’t tell me Albus hasn’t arranged a mind healer for him, Oh I’m going to wring the neck of that interfering old man. I’ll go have some words with the headmaster, you go to sleep. I have monitoring wards on all the boys and will be alerted if anything changes.” Knowing how fierce she could get Snape lay down and promptly went to sleep. 

*                           *                                       *

Albus looked sadly down at the boy sleeping in the hospital bed. It seems the Grimm Reaper had almost taken two souls dear to him tonight. He had just gotten back from St Mungo’s where Arthur Weasley was currently in a critical condition. He had been attacked by Voldemort’s snake as he stood guard over the prophecy. They didn’t think he would make it.

And Harry, who if it hadn’t been for others quick thinking wouldn’t be here. If he could take these burdens from young Harry’s shoulders he would. Unfortunately, the prophecy about him and the Horcrux marking him chained him to this course.

Albus didn’t enjoy being the General of the Light. It meant he had to make difficult decisions that other people had the privilege to yell at him for. Saying things like it wasn’t fair, or kind.
Well, no most of his decisions weren’t. But they were the best choice he could make. He had more than just one boy to be concerned over. He had the lives of thousands of Wixen and millions of muggles to balance.

Which meant as much as he would like to, he couldn’t put one life before all the rest.

I had always thought Voldemort would have to do it, but I wonder if Harry killing himself would destroy the Horcrux? Albus was instantly ashamed of this thought but it didn’t change the pragmatic nature of it, nor did it make the thought disappear. Sighing he dismissed it from his mind for the moment.

When Pomfrey had stormed into his office earlier this evening to yell at him, she had told him of his self-inflicted injuries. He felt a sense of kinship with Harry. He too in his youth had been enamoured with unnatural love. And if it hadn’t been for his fascination and desire for Gellert, his sweet Ariana would still be alive. 

He understood Harry desire for self-harm to try to control the urges. But he would make sure the boy was taught the healthier ways to help him abstain. 
He agreed with Pomfrey that going to Grimmauld place wouldn’t be productive. All the Weasley were there at the moment and it was the last place Harry needed to be.

He would send him home with Severus as the only member of the Order who was medically trained and available to keep an eye on Harry. He would insist that Sirius be allowed to visit though, as there was nothing more important than family.

*                  *                 *

Harry opened his eyes and blinked in confusion. He was in an unknown bedroom tuck into a very comfortable bed. Was this heaven? He didn’t think he had been good enough to go to heaven. But this certainly wasn’t hell. Although now he thought about it, he didn’t know if the wizarding world believed in heaven and hell. 

“Good morning Harry,” a silky deep voice said. He turned his head and saw Snape sitting on a comfortable couch by his bed.

“You are in the guest room, in my house. It has been two days since you were last awake.” 
Oh, Harry thought numbly. I must have dreamt that I killed myself. He wiggled into a sitting position then looked down at his arms. They were bare due to the sleeping tee shirt he was wearing which meant the scars were very visible. He traced one lightly only to have both his hands clasped by Snape’s one. 

“Yes, Harry. You did cut your wrist. Madam Pomfrey and I almost didn’t get to you in time.” Snape said gently. 

“How come I don’t feel angry or sad or something?” he asked mildly. 

“You are on an emotion suppressant potion. You will stay on them while you heal to help you from becoming overwhelmed.” Snape explained. 

“Ok” Harry agreed comfortably numb. 

“There are a couple more things I need to tell you. Firstly you will be staying here for the whole of the Christmas break so I can help you on your road to recovery.”

Harry nodded, a part of him secretly pleased to have Snape all to himself for a while. He had enjoyed the ‘detentions’ a lot more than he thought he would. Having an adult positively focused completely on him had been a novel experience. He had always been disappointed when Snape had to leave unexpectedly to do something for his Slytherin’s as the head of house.

The knowledge that there was no other student here to distract him pleased him greatly. Somewhere buried deep within him was the forbidden thought. It’s almost like having a dad. The feeling was something that no other adult had produced in him. Not even Sirius.

“As part of that recovery, you are going to have someone with you around the clock. And currently, there will be no door allowed on your bedroom or the bathroom.” Snape explained. Harry frowned a little.

“I don’t think I like that Sir. “ He questioned, not a hundred per cent sure how he felt but he knew it wasn’t positive. 
Snape who still was holding his hands rubbed his thumb up and down them in a soothing gestor. 

“I know Harry, it’s not a lot of fun. But it’s necessary until we can be sure that you are not going to try and kill yourself again. If it helps look at it like having to take a healing potion. They are not a lot of fun to take but the benefits make it worth it.”

Harry screwed up his face but nodded. He wanted to complain but truthfully underneath the emotion suppressant, he could feel a huge swirling mass. There was no way he could guaranty that he wouldn’t try again. 

His bladder which had been nagging at him since he woke up suddenly became very instant. Harry squirmed then with Snape looking at him inquiringly he admitted

“I need to use the bathroom.” Snape inclined his head and let go of Harry’s hands. 

“This way.” He said.

Harry climbed out of bed and on slightly unsteady legs followed Snape out of the room, straight away he noticed the doorway that didn’t have a door on it. Sure enough, it was the entrance to a small but clean and tidy bathroom. He walked over to the toilet, then flushed bright red when he saw Snape was standing in the doorway. 

“I can’t even go to the toilet by myself?” He exclaimed horrified. 

“No Harry, not until you have earned some trust,” Snape replied sympathetically.

He did at least have the decency to look at the ceiling, giving Harry the tiny illusion of privacy. Harry was once again glad of the suppression potion if he was feeling this mortified with it. He was pretty sure he would have keeled over without it. Finishing quickly, he washed his hands in the sink refusing to look in the mirror. Not wanting to see the failed boy hero looking back. 

“You now have a choice. Would you prefer a shower or a cleaning charm?” Snape offered. 

“Would you have to watch me have a shower?” Harry asked. Snape nodded.

“Charm please.” Harry quickly chose.

Snape cast it for him and while Harry did feel refreshed it wasn’t as good as a real shower. When they were back in the bedroom, Harry was hit with lethargy. He crawled back into bed but found even though he was tired he didn’t feel sleepy. Snape once more settled into the couch by the bed. 

“Why don’t you sleep for a while,” Snape suggested. 

“I’m not actually sleepy,” Harry explained. “Even though I’m too tired to want to do anything.”

“I could always read to you for a while if you like?” Snape offered. 

“Are you sure? You can do something else if you want.”

“I’m sure. I don’t mind at all.” Snape flicked his wand and summoned a book from downstairs. He wasn’t sure he had anything that would entertain a fifteen-year-old boy. There was not a single quidditch related article anywhere in his house. Still, he would give ‘the Earthsea Trilogy’ by Ursula K. Le Guin a go. He opened the book and began to read.

After a couple of chapters, he glanced over at the bed and then had to bite his lip to keep from smiling. The child had snuggled down into the blankets wrapping them around him like a cocoon. All that was visible was a bit of black fuzz from the top of the head and two curious green eyes watching him eagerly. The rest of the face appeared as Harry asked

“And then what happens?” Looking and sounding like a child years younger then what he was. Snape cleared his throat took a sip of water then continued. 

“And then…” 

Harry was watching him like he had heard of this mythical thing called story time and now getting to experience it for himself, was determined to not miss out on a single second having never had it before.

Considering who he lived with, Severus thought darkly. He had no trouble believing it. This made him more determined to give as much of a childhood to Harry as the child desired. He knew Harry would never ask for any of it. Convince that he was too old for such things, but having taught and raised teenagers for the last fourteen years Severus prided himself on knowing their unspoken desires. This would include nightly ‘storytimes’ the whole time he was under Severus care. 

If he had any say in it, Harry would be under his care permanently. The child had wormed his way into Severus affections since the beginning of the school year. And once Severus had saved Harry’s life it had strengthen the bond. The child needed a competent adult in his corner. And since everyone else was too busy ‘looking’ at the boy-who-lived, well Severus would leave them to it. He was going to be here for ‘just Harry’ Lily’s child. 

*               *                  *

Ron sat moodily on the stairs in Grimmauld House. This had to be the worse Christmas ever. His dad was still in St Mungo’s and even though the adults hadn’t said anything, Ron wasn’t an idiot. He knew that they didn’t expect him to get better. Ron was pretty sure all of his siblings knew this even though none of them had said anything. It was like they were afraid if they said the ‘D’ word then it would make it come true.

Then if that wasn’t enough Ron was also worried about his best mate. Dumbledore had told them that Harry was sick and had to be looked after around the clock, which was why he was currently staying with the greasy git. Ron believed the sick part, Harry had looked pretty awful the last couple of days, But Ron had thought at the time it was because of the shock of learning that he had been taken advantage of.

Looking back Ron admits Harry was looking glassy-eyed and had a thin sheen of sweat on him. To fall sick on the same day, well that was some crappy timing. Still, he was pretty positive that being around the dungeon bat constantly wasn’t going to help make him feel better. The only glimmer of light was the fact Dumbledore had said that Sirius got to go and visit him.

There was a tread a footsteps coming his way. Ron looked up and watched as the twins walked pass him to sit on the stair below his. Ginny silently followed and joined Ron on his stair. It was a bit squishy but Ron wouldn’t have it any other way. Fred had his head on George’s shoulder. Who tilted his head back until it rested against Ron’s knees. He wrapped an arm around Ginny’s shoulders and she dropped her arm down until she could run her hand soothing through Fred’s hair. The four of them offering each other silent comfort.

They would have to go and pretend to be enjoying Christmas for their Mum who was trying so hard to make it a good one for them. All of the adults were trying to fill them up with false cheer, the kids would have preferred that they didn’t but no one asked them their opinion. So they crept away whenever they could and did this, Silently join each other and allow them to grieve in the knowledge that they were not alone, their siblings were there for them. 

*                   *                       *

Theo folded the letter from professor Snape with the latest update on Harry. He sat back in his chair and thought for a bit. His father silently watching.

“Who was the letting from?” His father inquired politely

“From Professor Snape.”

“Ah, yes, have you thanked him yet for his helpful suggestion of Mind healers?”

“Yes Father, the one I am currently seeing is doing a wonderful job, and helping me with the whole incident at the end of school.” 

Lord Nott’s face briefly darkens. The Headmaster had done the bare necessary courtesy of informing him that his heir had been involved in a ‘distressing’ situation. But refused to give him any more information and had also bound his son to silence.

Thankfully Severus was a far more decent head of house. He had told Lord Nott that Theo had found another student in the process of committing suicide and he had saved that students life. (He didn’t inform him who the student was to keep their privacy, but that was fine, he wasn’t interested in gossip.) He had also insisted that Lord Nott get his son a mind Healer to help him come to terms with this.

Lord Nott had always listened to Severus' advice and was pleased to find this was just as solid as the rest had been. His Son had been very pale and withdrawn when he came home and within a couple of days was visibly improving. 

“Father, I could use some advice,” Theo asked. 

“What advice do you needed?” His father spoke calmly back.

“You know that I am never going to follow the Dark Lord. My research over the summer proved to you that this was a sensible approach.” Lord Nott nodded his head in agreement. 

“I also have no desire to follow Dumbledore and his ‘greater good’ Light regime.”

“Yes we have had this discussion before, I don’t see any need for advice yet.” 

Theo had a light frown on his face as he tried to find the right words 
Figuring there was no one around to see him blunder except his Father, he just went for it. 

“Assuming I can convince my misguide boyfriend that breaking up was a mistake, I would like to convince him to join me in becoming neutral. The problem is that he is a muggle raised light wizard.”
Lord Nott thought for a minute before replying.

“Despite what most believe there are actually very few people who are cemented to one side or the other. The majority can be swayed to step away from their hardcore beliefs and live in a comfortable middle ground. It will take time and patients and you must be willing to take small steps towards your end goal.” 

Theo hesitated then offered wily.

“And if my boyfriend happens to be the saviour and boy hero of the Light?”
Lord Nott blinked in shock and there was a startled silence for a short period of time. 

“Really? You are the paramour of the boy-who-lived?”
Theo screwed up his face, 

“He hates the whole hero thing, but yes.”

“I see. Theodore, you must be careful. If people found out that you ‘corrupted’ their saviour they will execute you. I astounded that you took this plunge in the first place. I thought you had more preservation than that” Lord Nott cautioned.
Theo squirmed before muttering. 

“Harry was the one to initiate this whole thing.”

Lord Nott was once more surprised. 

“Well, that does improve things. I would still advise caution though. If it was anybody else you would be able to weather the storm of a ‘dark’ wizard seducing a ‘Light’ one. But Harry Potter, unless things drastically change I don’t see how you will ever get the public to accept you both.”

“I’ll worry about the public later, I’m more concerned about close friends and relatives.”

Lord Nott looked at his son firmly, he could see hidden under the casual demeanour that he was actually quite worried about how this would be received. 

“I cannot speak for anyone else but myself, but know that I personally do not have an issue with it. Your letters have been filled with more happiness and vigour then I have seen for a very long time. I would welcome the boy who puts such a rosy colour into my son’s cheeks into my home.” Sure enough, Theo was blushing. 

He looked into the fireplace silence once again descending over the room. He would let his son compos himself. Then he would begin to help him with his desire to bring the Dark lords nemesis into the grey.

*                     *                 *

Severus had a ferocious scowl on his face as Black stepped out of his Floo. He had his house-elf Lolo keeping an eye on Harry so he could speak to Black in private. Lolo was the one to stay with Harry whenever Severus needed to sleep or required additional time away from him. Severus had thought that Harry would take exception to this, but he had surprised Severus by getting on exceptionally well with the little creature. 

“You’re two hours late.” He snapped

“I was helping Molly with the kids, Arthur was buried yesterday.” Black snapped back. Snape scowl didn’t change. He felt sorry for the Weasley’s but someone had to be here for Harry, who was only just barely starting to recover.

“Speaking of which Black. Harry is not ready to be told about Arthur’s passing. That is one of the rules you will need to abide by while you visit.”

“I know, I know,” Black said flippantly. “Dumbledore told me them already.”

“And I will be going over them with you again.” Snape snapped “To make sure you haven’t forgotten any of them between then and now. Otherwise, you will not be seeing him”

“He is my godson Snivellus You can’t keep him from me.”

“And yet Dumbledore entrusted his care into my hands,” Snape replied. Black pulled a sulky face and crossed his arms. 

“Fine.” He muttered.

“First, Harry is still in a very sensitive state, so you will watch what you talk about, and if he starts to become upset, you will cease that subject at once. Secondly, Harry is not to be left alone at any stage, he is to have someone with him constantly. You will inform me before leaving Harry’s side when you wish to retire. This is very important and when I say at any stage I mean it. If he needs to use the bathroom you will accompany him there.” Black pulled another face at this but reluctantly nodded his head.

“Thirdly, because you took so long to get here, Harry will need his next dose of medicine in half an hours’ time. As the adult, you will make sure he takes it. Harry is normally pretty good about this but may need to be reminded.”

Black again nodded his head. Severus reluctantly moved out of the way allowing Black access to the stairs leading to the first floor when Harry’s bedroom was. 
He had serious misgivings about this, arguing strongly that Harry wasn’t ready for other visitors yet, but he had been overruled by Dumbledore. As horrible as it sounded there had been a silver lining in Arthur’s death as it had pushed back the meeting by a couple of days giving Harry that little bit longer to heal.

Severus eventually turned and strode away from the stairs. Albus had been most insistent that he not hover over the family reunion. But let them have a chance to reconnect and let the power of love help heal Harry or some bullshit to that degree. Severus intended to use this time to organise a mind healer for the child, screw what Albus thought. If everything went smoothly he would catch a nap until the hour-long visit was up. He would then take great delight in throwing Black out the door. And would hopefully be allowed to stall the next visit for quite some time later. 

*                          *                                   *

Sirius bound up the stairs, eager to see his godson, his little Prongslet. He hadn’t paid any attention to Snape’s little lecture making sure to just nod at certain moments. It was something all the Marauders had perfected over the years whenever a teacher had yelled at them. 

He had been eager to talk with Harry ever since he had received that terrible letter from him. Saying he didn’t want to be like his father, and that he liked boys. Sirius blamed being raised with those horrible muggles. That would get anybody confused.

Lily had been like that he remembered. She had gotten so mad when she found out about it and Sirius doesn’t remember her ever coming around to the wizard way of thinking. Hopefully, they had gotten to Harry early enough to help him. He had talked with Ron and was extremely pleased and proud of the boy. The Weasley’s raised good kids. Ron had assured him that he was there for Harry and that they had already had spoken about it. Sirius knew that no kid wanted to talk about sex and relationships with an adult. So he was pleased that Harry had Ron and Hermione to turn to.

As for the Father part, well every teenager rebelled against their parents. He guessed Harry was no exception. Sirius would be there to help Harry reconnect with his Father.

He poked his head into the doorway of a room that didn’t have a door on it.

Was Snivellus too poor to afford doors now? His godson was sitting on the edge of a made bed playing some board game with a house elf. As Harry looked up, Sirius hid his frown. Merlin but the kid looked weird with his hair butchered like that. 

“Harry.” He cried out joyfully arms spread wide.

“Hi, Sirius,” Harry replied shyly ducking his head. Sirius frowned again. He didn’t like his Pup being so solemn. Coming into the room he looked around eagerly some sign that Snivellus was mistreating him and to get him out of the greasy gits grasp and back into his own. But aside from the no door and the plain-looking room, there was nothing that he could find.

He ambled across to the couch and sprawled across it absentmindedly dismissing the Elf. He didn’t see the frown flash across Harry’s face at this. 

“So Pup, how has Snivellus been treating you? How bad has it been living with him?” Sirius asked. 

“Actually he has been really good to me, better than I deserve,” Harry replied twisting the end of a throw blanket between his fingers. 

“Nonsense Harry, you deserve the very best,” Sirius exclaimed. He utterly believed that. There should be nothing but the best for his godson. He was horrified when Dumbledore had told him what Harry had attempted to do. Sirius blamed it all on the stupid Voldemort. If he hadn’t been so gun-ho for Harry then he would have been able to live a perfectly normal life where he would have his parents and be spoilt rotten by the rest of the Marauders. 

“I’m sorry to hear about your…..” Sirius paused trying to think of the right way to say it. 

“Um…. Fumbled attempt to off yourself.” 

He was pretty sure there was a better way, but he couldn’t think of it, and he figured Harry was probably pretty sick of listening to nothing but formal talk anyway and would appreciate someone who spoke normally.

“I’m sure with some time you will get better.”

There he had done the obligation ‘I hope you get better’ thing and now could actually get around to helping cheer his Pup up. Especially since Harry was looking at him pale-faced and wide-eyed. 

“Ok, cheering up time now.” He said joviality. “Let’s see, what stories haven’t I told you yet?”

He went fondly back over his times at school. Then bounced happily. 

“I’ve got it pup. The perfect thing to brighten your stay here with the Greasy git. Like you now, it was in our Fifth year.” Sirius began trying to make Harry feel involved in the story. That connection with his parents more real.

“We had just finished our O.W.L.s exam and had gone out near the lake to soak up the sun and get away from all the stuffy nonsense inside the school. When who should wander by but Snivellus. It was like we were in favour of the mischief gods because he had his huge nose stuck in a book and didn’t see us. So James and I being the greatest at sneaking, snuck upon him, and then get this Pup, we cast a charm that grabs a person by the ankle and hangs them upside down.” Sirius chuckled and continued. 

“You can just imagine it Pup, there is Snivellus hanging upside down with his robe over his head and everyone could see his scungy undies. And then your Dad, oh man, your Dad always knew how to take it one step better. He charms Snivellus undies off! The crowd loves it, man they laughed so hard. There he was wiggling in mid-air like a pale worm on a hook mooning everyone with his snow-white ass and his dick was flopping around like he was trying to hump the air. It was probably the most action his limp dick ever got. he kept trying to cover himself with his school gown, but it continually fell down and it was like he was exposing himself again and again. man the crowd laughed each time, it just didn't get old.” 

Sirius's head was thrown back as he laughed at the memory. His laughter trailed off when he realised he was the only one laughing. He looked at Harry confused, what boy didn’t laugh over dick jokes? 

Harry was looking at him ash white, with his eyes so wide and distressed. Sirius rubbed the back of his head awkwardly. 

“I guess you had to be there.” He offered. 

Harry didn’t reply and Sirius looked around helplessly. He loved this kid, but he was nothing like James and Sirius didn’t know how to reach him. It seemed like nothing he said worked the way he wanted it too. This memory always cheered him when he was feeling down, he couldn’t understand why it hadn’t worked for Harry. 

“I should probably go.” He offered, not sure if he should stay or not, but wanting to do what was best for Harry. The boy was looking at his knees now and nodded silently. 

“Ok,” Sirius stood up and swung his arms by his side uselessly. “So um, I guess that’s it.” He looked at his godson hopefully but the child didn’t move or indicate in any way that he wanted Sirius to stay. 

“Bye then.” He offered and walked out of the bedroom. He quietly made his way to the Floo hurt and confused. He wanted to help but didn’t know how. Strapping steel to his spine he decided he would get Moony to help him research the best ways he could help his Prongslet. 

*                       *                        *

Harry stared down at his hands horrified. This visit from Sirius had been absolutely the worse ever.

That prank, oh God!

He rushed from his room and only just made it to the toilet before he threw his gut up.

That prank was sexual assault. His dad had sexually assaulted another boy in front of the school and no one had stopped him. Even worse the boy whose privates had been exposed was the man that had been taking such good care of him. And his Father’s best friend laughed about it. Oh God if his Father though sexual assault was funny, what would he think about his son being gay? Harry was for the first time glad that James was dead. 

Oh, Harry thought with sudden understanding that’s why Sirius told him that he had stuffed up by not killing himself and that he was to get better at it. This whole visit was Sirius coming to say goodbye to James' son and tell Harry to do a better job of it, this time around. So that the taint on the Potter family could be wiped clean.

Harry stood up on wobbly legs. While he was disinclined to do anything to improve James Potters memory. He would do anything for Snape. The man who was sacrificing himself now to look after his abuser's child. So Harry would take responsibility for his existence and stop inflicting himself on Snape. And he would make dam sure to do a proper job this time, no more stuff-ups. 

He walked woodenly back to his bedroom and pulled the sheet off his bed. He went back into the bathroom and using his wand re-enforced the bar the shower curtain hung off. Making sure that it wouldn’t break or fall from the wall.

He then made a hangman’s knot that he had been taught in school, looping the noose over his head he tighten it close until it was snug around his neck. He then climbed up the basket that they had been putting their dirty clothes in. Balancing precariously he tied the rest of the sheet to the bar making sure to leave barely any room between the bar and the noose.

He took a deep breath to prepare himself. He decided to make himself a happy memory to see him off this time. He was going to pretend for a second, that Snape was his Dad who loved him. (He now knew what having a bedside story read to you was like, what someone making sure you ate properly and on time felt like. And what a parent helping you with your homework was. The detention and this stay in Snape’s home helped fill in these experiences to make the memory more believable.)

He wasn’t famous and strangers didn’t know his face and name. Theo was still his boyfriend. Because Snape was his dad, he wouldn’t have any issues with this, and Theo would be coming around later to spend some of the Christmas break with him. His dad would let them think they were getting away with sneaky kisses, with fond eye rolls, but would put a monitoring charm on his bedroom to make sure they didn’t get up to any real mischief. There would be a Christmas tree with a few presents under it, and an invitation to have lunch with the Weasley’s. 

Harry felt a smile tug across his face and filling himself up with this happy thought he jumped off the basket knocking it down. Harry briefly felt the noose tighten on his neck before his whole body jolted and everything went black. 

*                        *                         *

He opened his eyes and blinked, everything was white. After a few moments, pale shapes began to appear and Harry saw he was on Kings Cross Station. If that station had been only done in shades of white, and there were no people or trains visible.

Standing up Harry looked around only to leap back with shook and disgust at the sight of the only other coloured thing here. It looked like a misshapen baby, but there was something evil about it that Harry knew no one would ever mistake this thing for a helpless newborn. He stepped away from it. There was something about it that made him want to get as far away from it as possible. Figuring he might as well explore this place and not wanting to be around the thing anymore Harry took off.

After he had been walking for a bit he saw a figure off in the distance. The closer he got the clearer they became until Harry could see it was a young woman in her early twenties dressed in muggle hippy style from the 70’s. She had beautiful red hair and was giving him a watery happy smile. Harry frowned, she looked familiar. It came to him that he had seen her in photographs. 

“Mum?” He questioned hesitantly.

“Oh, my poor baby boy,” Lily said opening her arms.

Harry flew into them and they both clung onto each other tightly. Harry found himself crying out all his pain and suffering with Lily rocking him gently. Afterwards, he felt much lighter like that one time he had done the same with Snape. Lily lent back enough that she could see his face. She wiped his eyes and then with a small chuckle wiped her own. 

“Am I dead? Like for real this time” He asked unsure.

Lily’s shoulder slumped and she gave him a sad smile. 

“Yes, Harry. You are really dead. Although I wish it wasn’t so.”

Harry hung his head in shame. “I’m sorry, I can’t do anything right.”
Lily lifted his head and looking quite stern said. 

“You listen to me, Harry James Potter. I love you and I couldn’t be more proud of you. It’s just the circumstances that I wished were different.” 

“Really?” Harry asked shyly.

“Really.”

“But, there are things about me, things I have done which are unforgivable.” Harry protested, not wanting to lead his Mum astray. 

“I have been watching over you, your whole life,” Lily told him. “So I can say with absolute certainty that you have not done, nor are there things about you that is unforgivable.” Harry went to open his mouth only to have Lily cover it. She looked stern as she said.

“I’m not saying you are perfect, no one is and yes you have made mistakes. But listen here, Voldemort returning, was not your mistake. Cedric’s death? It was not your mistake. James’ pranks? Was not your mistake.” She peered closer as she finished. “Loving Theo? It is not a mistake.” Harry who had been crying as she spoke broke down again at this.

Lily who had not yet let go of him pulled him in close again. This time Harry didn’t cry for as long having already realised most of his torment earlier. 

“Sorry,” Harry mumbled.

“Don’t be,” Lily replied lightly deliberately misunderstanding. “I think your Theo is quite a cutie. You have got good taste.”

“Mum!” Harry cried red hinted at in his cheeks. 

“Really, he is quite fit. He has got a great ass.”

“Mum!!” Harry scolded again then he paused as he had an embarrassing thought. “You look away right when Theo and I are kissing and stuff. You don’t watch that part of my life?”

Lily had a Chester grin slowly spread across her face as she deliberately didn’t answer. Harry looked at her mortified. Lily laughed brightly then kissed each of his now glowing red cheeks. 

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of sweetie. You guys are adorable together.”

A train suddenly pulled up to the station. Lily looked at it with disappointment then determinedly turned back to Harry. 

“Ok Sweetie, I want you to listen to me, this part is very important.” Harry nodded.

“You have a choice before you now. You can choose to either stay or go back, I know that your life was filled with a lot of suffering, and you went through a lot of pain to get here. But this is not your time.”

“Why would I want to return?” Harry asked bewildered 

“Because there are so many good things you didn’t get to experience. I want you to become an adult get a job that you love and make a home with your boy. Somewhere the two of you can grow old together.” Lily said passionately. 
“And if you go back I promise that if you ask, Severus would do all in his power to make sure you could disappear. The boy-who-live would be no more and you could finally get the kind of life I want for you.”

“How do you know Snape would do that?” Harry asked

“I have been friends with Severus for nearly the whole of my childhood and I have watched him redeem himself from his sins. I most especially watch how he was with you. And at first, I was so disappointed but he has really stepped up to the plate.” Lily assured him.

“But I don’t want to leave you.” Harry pleaded. 

“My baby boy. “ Lily kissed his forehead. “If you really don’t want to then you can stay, but I want you to hear these two points. Firstly Theo and Severus and everyone else who loves you are back there and it will be quiet sometime before they will come here. And secondly, Harry I will always be waiting here for you. I promise.” 

Harry clung to her tightly as he bit his lip in thought. There were parts of his life that he knew he would miss dearly and he trusted his Mum when she said Snape could help him disappear. Harry was done with being the saviour in a war that he had no choice or say in. He had done his bit and now it was up to the adults to do theirs.
He stepped back and firmed up his spine. 

“Ok,” He took a deep breath. “Ok, I’ll go back.”

“My brave strong son.” Lily bit her lip with tears swimming in her eyes. “I am truly blessed that you are mine.”

She cupped his cheek and smiled proudly, Making Harry stand that little bit taller.

“Your new life will be better I promise.” She told him then giving him one more hug she pointed to the train. “It will take you back.” As Harry was getting on the train she called out. 

“Harry, tell Sev that he is forgiven. And remember that I love you and will be watching over you.” 

“I love you too,” Harry called back as the train doors closed, and then he watched as for the first time a parent waved goodbye to him from Kings cross station.

*                           *                                       *

The monitoring ward Severus had on Harry Suddenly let out a huge alarm. Severus spun around and pounded up the stairs panicking. What in the hell had that stupid mutt done to his child?

He burst into Harry’s room only to see it was empty, spinning around he shot to the bathroom only to have his heart ripped open at the sight of his boy hanging limp like a puppet with its strings cut from the shower bar. He rushed over and lifted the boy up in his arms severing the rope then gently lay him on the floor. He cast a diagnostic charm but in his heart, he knew he was too late. The child’s body had been as floppy as a kid’s doll.

Sure enough, the charm came back that his heart had stopped. A wreaked sob escaped Severus before he could slam down his occlumency shields shoving all his grief and sadness behind it.

He watched horrified as Harry’s lightning bolt scar burst open, black ooze pouring out. A thin high scream came from the ooze and it briefly took the shape of Voldemort’s face before dissipating into nothing. A Horcrux! His boy had been a living Horcrux.

Putting that shocking revelation aside for the moment, Severus having remembered reading some muggle medical text that said the brain could still function after the heart stopped for a short period of time. Determined that he wasn’t going to give up on Harry just yet. He cast a spell that forced Harry’s lungs to move creating artificial breathing. While he placed his hands one on top of the other on Harry’s chest and began to compress it.

Pumping his heart, keeping his body moving until hopefully, Harry came back from the land of the dead. 

“Please child,” Severus found himself pleading. “Please come back. I’ll do anything, just come back to me.”

He continued performing the magical equivalent of CPR for one minute…..

And then five…

And ten….

At fifteen minutes he could feel the tiny amount of hope he had started to trickle away but he continued none the less. 

And was rewarded with his persistence when at the thirty-minute mark Harry let out a huge gasp and his body jolted. The monitoring charm flashed showing Severus that his heart was beating again. Harry gave a cough and blinked his eyes open. As soon as they could focus Harry threw himself into Severus lap crying. 

“Please help.” Harry's voice was raspy and raw. “She promised you would help, please, please.”

“Anything,” Severus promised. “I will do whatever is necessary so you no longer feel the need to leave.”
Harry looked up at him with complete trust as he asked.

“Don’t make me be Harry Potter anymore. Being him is killing me. Please, I just want to disappear and be someone else.”
Severus gathered the boy up into his lap and curled his arms around him hugging him gently. 

“Done,” Severus replied with absolute conviction. The child collapsed against him in relief. Severus kissed the top of his head and gently rocked him. His heart pounding with joy and relief. His boy has come back to him, and now Severus would never let him go.

The wizarding world could shove their desire for the boy-who-lived up their ass.

He realised that Dumbledore must have known about the Horcrux. It would explain so many things. Like why Albus hadn’t bothered to get him a mind healer, what was the point of going to all that effort to heal a weapon when you were planning to destroy it.

It also explained the so many things that Severus had questioned about Harry’s home life. Albus was raising him like a lamb to the slaughter. Harry was so starved for affection and had such a low self-esteem that he would literally do anything for those who showed him a bit of kindness. Including walking to his death if asked of it. 

Well, Albus plan backfired. The abuse and burdens placed on the saviours shoulders had become too much for any mortal to bear. And so their saviour killed himself. And as far as the rest of the world was concerned, he never came back to life.

Already Severus had a bunch of half-done plans swirling through his head as he planned how to pull this off. There were a lot of very powerful people he would have to deceive. Lucky for him he had been doing just that for decades now. 

Severus picked up the child and carried him back to his bedroom. He got him settled in the bed then collected some of his hair before starting to heal his scar and throat. Oddly enough his scar was the easier to fix. Now it was no longer a Dark curse Severus was able to seal it close and apply scar reducer cream. For the first time, it worked and the scar changed from its normal bright red to a faded white. Severus hoped with time the scar will fade away to all but nothing.

He then had the child lay down with his head in Severus lap, going slow he applied bruise paste. The child was watching his every move with worshipful green eyes. Severus frowned faintly as he took in the swollen throat. 

“I’m afraid this won’t heal without leaving a mark.” He informed the child. Who opened their mouth to reply only to let out a croak and wince in discomfort. 

“No, don’t try and talk. Your throat is going to swell up and is quite inflamed, it will be a while before you will be able to speak.” The child nodded and settled back down. 

“In order to convince the rest of the wizarding world, that you are still dead we are going to need a body that is identical to your own. “ Severus began to explain his plan. “One of the little known facts about Polyjuice is that if you die whilst it is still active in your system, your body will not change back. I’m going to use the hair I have just taken from you and make a batch.” He noticed the child’s mild distress and questioning look and taking an educated guess said. 

“I plan to give the potion to a Death Eater, One who takes particular delight in hurting children, and one I have been looking for an excuse to get rid of.” 
The child relaxed and nodded. 

“Sleep child,” Severus said softly. “Let your magic flow through you to help you heal sooner.” The Boy closed his eyes and within a minute was fast asleep.

Severus knew he had to act quickly and had no time to waste. Calling Lolo to him he gave her strict instructions that she was not to leave the child’s side for any reason except Severus telling her otherwise. She was to ignore anyone else commands. The little creature wrung her hands looking like she was in a dilemma. Severus assured her that they would talk about her ‘punishment’ for failing the little master later but for now, she was to do nothing but obey. Looking much happier the house-elf agreed. 

Thankfully Severus was a paranoid person and he always kept a completely stocked potion cupboard with the most useful potion. It meant that he already had the polyjucie on hand. Leaving the house was extremely hard as he didn’t want to be separated from his child but he knew it would be worth it in the end. And he refused to go back on his promise to the boy. 

Apparating away Severus called the Death Eater to him and with insulting easy go him to drink the polyjucie. Once his body was transformed into the boy-who-lived, Severus cast a body bind then hung up a noose to the closet tree. He had to keep reminding himself that this wasn’t his boy but a death eater. Still, it took all of his training and full occlumency skills to kill him.

Once he was done he wrapped the undersized body up in a bedsheet and apparated to Grimmauld house. He knew this was highly dramatic but the best way to get the story across was to have as many people believe it as quickly as possible.

He had heard the Weasley’s were back in their house for the moment, which was a blessing. It meant he didn’t have to shove Harry’s broken body on top of them when they had only just buried their father. He wasn’t that much of a bastard.

Black on the other hand he had no sympathy for. He had no idea what had happened but he left Harry in Black’s care and had come back to find a dead body. Black deserved the same curtsey. 

He pulled out his acting skills as he burst through the door screaming. 

“He's dead, Black you bastard what did you do?”

(It turned out he mostly wasn’t acting, the feelings and emotions were still new and raw enough that they were entirely real.) 
Black came stumbling out of the kitchen looking confused, Severus could see multiple people in the room sitting around the table. Good, that meant there was an order meeting currently. He couldn’t have planned this better if he tried.

He watched as Black’s eyes fasten on the sheet wrapped body, his face lost all colour and he staged for a second before bolting forwards and ripping the body out of Severus' hands. 

“No, no, not my Pup, not my little Harry.” He cried clutching the body to him.

The wolf had also come out of the kitchen and looking very grim-faced gently led Black back into the room. Severus trailed after them. The whole room hushed when Black stepped back through the door, all eyes were fastened on the body. Someone cleared the table and with the Wolf coaxing him, Black eventually lay the body on the table.

Dumbledore had the most serious look on his face as he waved his wand. The sheet disappeared leaving the broken body of Harry Potter lying exposed. The room as a whole gasped in despair and someone started to sob. 

“What happened?” Albus asked harshly, pinning Severus with his stare. He could feel Albus using legitimacy on him, but he happily lowered his shields, he was, after all, going, to tell the truth. 

“I had a monitoring charm placed on Harry, it went off during Black’s visit. I rushed to the child’s side, to find Black was gone and Harry as you see him. I attempted to revive him.” Severus grimaced and waved a hand indicating the body.

Leaving people to make their own conclusions and most importantly not lying to the powerful legitimacy who was currently ploughing through his mind. Severus deliberately brought forth the memory of the Horcrux being destroyed and watched as Albus latched onto it. He raised an eyebrow at Albus only to get a minute signal back that meant they would talk about it later.

Albus then retreated from his mind as the whole room had broken out in cries and exclamation and questions. Black was furiously denying having anything to do with Harry’s death proclaiming loudly that Harry was still alive and well when he left. Severus sat back and brought up his shields again as he watched Dumbledore slowly gain control.

He was actually quite impressed that within twenty minutes, Albus had managed to convince Black to allow Harry’s body to be taken the Hogwarts Hospital Wing and had organised the rest of the order to not tell anyone else the news, and that they would reconvene later that night. Albus gently re-wrapped Harry’s body and stepped up to the Floo indicating that he wanted Severus to follow.

He did so, stepping out into the Hospital wing, where Poppy had a hand covering her mouth in shock. She quickly snapped out of it and hustled Albus to one of the isolation rooms. Once the three of them were in the room Albus cast the most powerful privacy ward Severus had ever seen. 

“Poppy, I need you to examine the body and let us know what you can find out,” Albus said, then turning he continued. “Severus, do you have any idea why this happened?” 

“Several ideas, but no proof.” 

“I just can’t believe Harry would do this,” Albus said sadly. Severus turned on him angrily. 

 “You can’t believe it! I told you he was fragile, I told you that he needed to see a mind healer, I also remember saying it was too soon to have visitors, and yet you knew best." He paused and took a deep breath raining in his temper.

“Well, no use assigning blame now, what is done, is done.” Poppy hissed at his cold remark and even Albus looked hurt. 

“You haven’t listened to any of it yet Headmaster, but I would advise getting mind healers in for the rest of the students. Especially Ms. Granger and Mr. Weasley. Unless you want a whole lot more half-grown bodies to join this one.” Severus said with a cool sneer. 

Albus closed his eyes wearily, then opened them looking every inch his age. 

“You are right, I have made some terrible mistake. I don’t want any more children to suffer from them. I will get the mind healers in.”

Severus bit back the retort of too little too late and instead bowed his head. He had been keeping Poppy in the corner of his vision, knowing that she would be one of the few people who would be able to tell that the body before her was polyjucied. Albus couldn’t as he did have a healing mastery. She hadn’t noticed yet but Severus knew it was only a matter of time. He wasn’t a hundred per cent sure what she would do but knew that she had been pissed at the lack of care Harry had gotten under the headmaster’s say so. Sure enough, he saw her blink twice in startlement before continuing on like nothing had changed. 

“Harry’s death changes a lot of things,” Albus said putting aside his grief and thinking like a commander. “We are going to need you more than ever now.”
Severus let out a bitter laugh

“You chains on me broke the minuet Harry died.” He sneered. “You can take comfort that the same applies to the Dark Lord. I’m done fighting this war. I’m handing in my resignation and am going to spend the rest of my miserable life brewing in peace.” 

 Albus frowned at him in disappointment, but Severus had once again spoken the truth. From the moment the Boy-Who-Live had died Severus was free. Albus had no hold on him and for the first time couldn’t dictate his movements. 

“You must think this through, how bad it will be to moral to lose a prominent member right after Harry’s death.”

“Oh, I have thought it through. And this is my answer. I’m leaving.”
Albus eyes turned to steel and he threatened

“And how do I know you won’t re-join the Dark? You do so once before of your own free will.” 

“Because I would never work for the monster who shoved a Horcrux in Lily’s child’s head!!!” Severus screamed.

Poppy looked up shocked at this news then Severus saw her connect the dots and look down again so Dumbledore didn’t see her disgusts in her eyes.

Albus once again looked contrite but Severus had had enough. He was now confident that Poppy wouldn’t tell another living soul about the polyjuice. 

 “I’ll send my house elf around to collect my stuff later this week.” He replied and waving his wand cast a spell that removed his rank as a teacher from Hogwarts wards.

He was sorry that he wouldn’t be there for his Slytherin’s but had complete confidence that Aurora would step up to the plate perfectly. He then turned and marched back to the hospital’s floo and stepped through calling out his own address.

He was sure it would be a couple of days before Albus would try and call on him as he had enough on his plate at the moment. He planned to take his child and be well and truly gone by then. 

*                                  *                                              *

Theo frown thoughtfully, he had received a heavily coded message two days ago, which once he had managed to decode it had left him rather puzzled.

But seeing the headline news in today’s morning prophet it made sense. 
The message had been this. “The life is still saved.”

He looked down at the headline, blazing back at him was the sentence

“The Boy-Who-Live No More.”

Chapter Text

 Severus watched as his child came ambling over to him, where he was sitting in the shade trying to avoid the burning sun. The boy collapsed at his feet and rested his head on Severus lap. He cast a cooling charm on the child and got a thankful smile in return. 

“How did your session go?” He asked quietly. The boy shrugged then replied 

“Ok, I guess. Healer Bibba said she was pleased with the progress I had made.”

His voice still had a rasp to it that looked like it was going to stay for the rest of his life. Severus hummed thoughtfully running his hand through the child's hair knowing how much he loved that. Sure enough, he got a happy wiggle before the child went boneless in bliss. They stayed silent listing to the sounds of the tropical wildlife surrounding them. After a while, Severus tapped twice on the bowed head to get his attention then asked.

“I am curious about something, but I want you to know that it is perfectly ok to not answer if you don’t want to or are not ready to tell me.”

The child looked up at him calmly waiting. And this more than anything showed how much good the mind healer was doing. When they had first arrived the poor boy had been in such a state that he would have done absolutely anything, including bearing his soul and confronting things way before he was ready.

“When we left Britain, you asked me to let Mr. Nott know the truth but not anybody else. Why was that?”

The boy looked thoughtfully off into the distance and Severus happily waited for a reply. He didn’t know where the child had picked up this habit of thinking before talking and allowing others the same curtsies but he was most impressed had hoped he kept it. 

“It was like this. I trust completely that Ron and Hermione would have kept the secret. They have well and truly proved themselves. But they are the best friends of Harry Potter. And Harry Potter is dead,” The child said firmly. Then seeing that Severus wasn’t going to argue settled back down and continued. 

“Theo on the other hand, “He paused trying to find the right way of expressing it. “Theo didn’t have anything to do with Harry Potter. He never met his friends, they were never seen in public together. I just…. I feel like Theo was my boyfriend as opposed to Harry’s. I was a different person with him, more real,”

The child looked up at him questionably. “Does that make sense?”

“It does” Severus reassured. “Come on let's go in, for dinner.”

He watched as the child happily moved around their open-plan house, but avoided looking into any reflective surfaces. A faint frown tug at Severus' mouth. Healer Bibba had said that one of the biggest stumbling blocks was that the boy saw Harry Potter in his reflection, and since the boy had twice tried to kill Harry and had succeeded once, seeing the face of the boy he had murdered was like being haunted by a ghost. 

This information had encouraged Snape to seriously look into the vague idea he had floating in the back of his head. Once they had finished their dinner he decided to bring it up. 

“We need to give you a new name,” He started. “I can’t keep calling you child forever. You are at some stage going to become a fully fledge adult and then it would be rather awkward.” The boy grinned at the image. 

“So there are two ways that we can do this.” Severus continued hiding his nerves behind a casual mask. “And I want you to know that there is no pressure to choose one way over the other. You must promise me that you will make the best decision for you. Not for anyone else.”

The child had gone a little pale with this but he nodded and said

“I promise.”

Pleased now that he knew the boy wouldn’t just say yes because he asked he continued

“Number one is we look through a naming book and you find a name that resonates with you, then we do a naming ceremony. Which allows magic to register your new name and respond accordingly,” He saw the confused look and explained. 

“You currently magically don’t have a name. It’s the reason why even if someone was trying to write to you they can’t. There is no magical name for the owls to track to deliver post to you. I don’t know what happened when you died but when you came back, you came back nameless.”

The child looked away for a moment before his raspy voice said.

“I’m sorry but I’m still not ready to say what happened.”

Severus waved it away unconcerned. He completely understood that it was more than private. He hadn’t been trying to ask about it anyway. 

“The second way is for me to magically adopt you. “

The boy’s head shot up and he looked at Severus with so much hope in his eyes that it gave him the courage to continue.

“I would give you a potion that had my blood mixed into it and then perform a different ceremony. The potion and ceremony would make you my full-blooded son which would change the way that you look and I would then proclaim your name to Lady Magic.”

He had barely finished speaking when the child threw himself into Severus' arms blabbering.

“Oh, yes. Yes. Please adopt me. I want you to be my dad. Please!”

Severus wrapped him up in a hug his heart filled with delight and love. This child had brought so much joy into his life and now soon he was going to become his.

*                    *                            *

Severus watched as the sun rose, the air already thick with heat and the smell of the tropics. He was waiting for a portkey to arrive. The ceremony he was going to perform today needed two witnesses, one for him and one for his child. While there had only ever been one person the boy would want to invite, it took a long discussion between them and a Healing session devoted just to this subject to get the child to believe that Mr. Nott would not only want to be involved but would feel insulted if anyone else took his place and that the boy hadn’t ruined the relationship so bad that he wouldn’t be able to work on repairing it. 

A moment later Theodore Nott appeared and took a step to keep his balance. He instantly broke out in a sweat, as he was dressed for winter in Britain. Severus cast a cooling charm on him and Theo smiled gratefully at him before his head snapped to the side and he pinned the boy with a deep stare. His child ducked his head then peered timidly at Theo through his lashes. Since Severus himself couldn’t resist that pleading look he wasn’t at all surprised that Theo crumble straight away. He held out a hand wigging his fingers and the boy shyly took it. 

“The Ceremony will start in an hour,” He reminded the boys as they headed inside. “And welcome to our home, Mr. Nott.”

Theo flushed at the reminder of his lack of manners. He turned to Severus and bowed not letting go of the boys’ hand.

“Thank you for inviting me here. Potion Master.”

He nodded and watched as the boys scampered out of sight. He waited patiently and a moment later the second Portkey arrived. 

“Did you have any trouble getting away?” He inquired.

“No,” Madam Pomfrey replied. “It seems Albus has seen the light in regards to the usefulness of Healers. I now have another two medwitches on staff helping me. Which means that I am now encouraged to take some time to myself to recharge.”

Severus grimaced but concluded it was better late than never. 

He escorted her into their house and led her over to the lounge room part. All the furniture had been removed for the ceremony. The boys joined them a moment later, Theo now dressed in some of the child’s much more appropriate clothing. The boy walked up to Madam Pomfrey and in a voice raspier than normal said.

“I want to say thank you. For all the hard work you did to save me,”

He held out a hand shakily. She ignored the hand instead putting both her hands on his shoulders and replied ceremoniously 

“It was my privilege and honour to act as your healer.” She then pick up his hands one at a time and kissed the scars going down his arms. She then lent forward and kissed his neck again on the scar. Giving him a healers blessing. The child gave her a beautiful smile then stepped back his back straighter standing tall. 

“It’s time,” Severus informed them. Madam Pomfrey and Theo took off their shoes and then standing barefooted at two of the points of the triangle drawn on the ground. Leaving the head for Severus. He also removed his shoes and stood in place. 

The child stripped out of his clothes completely and stepped naked into the middle facing Severus. He waved his wand in a complicated fashion which made the triangle light up and got the ceremony started. 

“Child, I offer you this chalice filled with my magic and blood. Know if you drink you will become my firstborn son and heir. You will be blood of my blood,” Severus intoned as he handed the child a cup filled with the potion he had made earlier. 

“I drink this gladly securer in the knowledge that when I am done, you shall be my father and I’ll be a child of your house,” The child rasped.

Then he lifted the goblet and swallowed down the potion. He handed it back to Severus before he gasped and doubled over. The potion was working. It was changing his features adding Severus genes to his body. It was relatively quick before his Son stood back up. Severus blinked looking with interest at the changes, Theo and Pomfrey doing the same. His son was a couple of inches taller, his fingers and toes were long and thin like Severus and there were a couple of other tiny changes to his body, but his face had the most change. His nose while different thankfully had not become the same as Severus, but his jawline and the shape of his eyes were ones that Severus saw in the mirror. The lightning bolt scar on his forehead had faded even further until you had to really look and know it was there to see it. At first, Severus thought his son had the same black eyes as him but when he looked closer he saw that they were still green but now were so dark you had to have the sun hit them to catch the green sheen. Severus smiled. 

“May I present to the world and Lady Magic, my firstborn son Altair Evens Prince.”

Theo and Madam Pomfrey burst into applause. He had changed his last name two days ago also wanting a fresh start.

Altair smiled pleased as Magic accepted this. The light went out of the triangle and the ceremony was over.

“Thank you,” He had said with deep feeling.

His voice still had a rasp but he had gotten Severus deep silky voice as well and going by the Nott boy’s reaction, his son’s voice had gone from rough and irritating to Severus sighed Sexy. Just what he needed. He had only just gotten a son and he was already having to beat them off with a stick. 

“Go and get dressed Altair, then meet us back here for the celebration feast."

His son gathered up the old gown he had been wearing and walked off to his room on slightly unsteady feet, getting use to the changes in his body. 

Once all the food was prepared Severus left the other two and walked to his son’s room. He wasn’t surprised to see a dressed Altair looking at his reflection curiously. 

“Everything alright?” He asked.

Altair flashed him a sunny grin.

“Better then,” He paused for a moment the said “Dad.”

Severus felt the word shoot through him and he wasn’t sure how he felt, but judging by the helpless smile creeping across his face it wasn’t negative. He opened his arms and had his son fly into them. They hugged each other tightly for a long moment.

“Come on,” Severus eventually said. “Let’s not let the food go to waste.” 

*                   *                         *

Ron walked thoughtfully back to the Gryffindor common room. The world had suddenly gone crazy ever since the Christmas break. First, his Dad is attacked guarding some mystery thing in the ministry. Despite the fact, he wasn’t an Auror or even had training. He then dies leaving his kids with a bunch of questions that none of the adults would answer. 

Then his best mate kills himself. And that had left him reeling. He hadn’t even noticed that he was thinking those sorts of thoughts, let alone why he thought it was the only option left to him.

The bloody media was having a field day with this and the storm still hadn’t died down. Every day the paper had found out something new about Harry’s life and was splashing it all over for everybody to read. Ron knew Harry would have absolutely hated that. Had hated every second of fame that went his way. The reporters were having great fun in guessing why Harry had done it. Everything from the abuse he grew up with, to the pressures the wizarding world had heaped on his shoulders. To the trauma of Cedric’s death. (They were still denying that Voldemort was back. But with his death more and more people were beginning to believe him. Ron was furious that it took Harry killing himself before they pulled their head out of the sand.)

The leading theory was that he had found out he was gay and killed himself in shame. Oddly enough while no one was disputing that, this fact had made a lot more people think. If the great Harry Potter was gay then maybe it wasn’t as bad as all that. Ron didn’t know whether to be ashamed or not that he was also in the group of people rethinking it. He still couldn’t understand why someone would want to kiss someone of their own sex. The idea of kissing another boy made him feel quite sick.But Harry was his best mate. And no one could convince him that Harry was perverted or disgusting. Ron had been sure that he was just confused and had a couple of wires mixed up. But the longer he talked to the Mind healer His mother had insisted that all her children go to, the hard it got to keep that though.

The mind healer had given him some homework to do before their next session. She had told him to change it around and put himself in Harry’s shoes. He had to imagine that he had just been told that he being attracted to girls was wrong. That he was only allowed to like guys. Ron had blanched are replied that it wasn’t like that. She had agreed but told him to imagine it was. And that was what he was mulling over when he rounded a corner and saw a couple of older students pushing a younger boy around. Instantly he strode forwards and broke them up. 

“Oi, what’s going on here then?” He asked angrily. 

“This boy said he was a poofter, we were just trying to get him to allow us to help him fix his problem when he told us there was nothing wrong with it. That it was fine for him to want to kiss other boys.”

One of the other students explained. Ron turned to look at the younger boy only to be met with a defiant look. Had this happen only a short time ago. Ron would have agreed with the older students. He would have tried to explain to the kid that they were only trying to help him. But a tiny voice whispered. What if this had been Harry? How would you have wanted him to be treated?

He sighed then sent the other students on their way. The boy was still looking at him with a distrustful air, his body braced for hurtful words. 

“I don’t understand you at all,” Ron said bluntly. “But my best mate was like you,” He heaved out a sigh then said. “I reckon you’re not hurting anyone, so no one should have the right to tell you how to feel.”

The boy blinked at him surprised before offering him a tiny smile. 

“Thanks, Mister,” The boy piped up before running off.

Ron ran a hand through his red hair uncertain that he had done the right thing. But he couldn’t deny there was a little glow of warmth from when the kid had smiled at him. He walked over to one of the window seats to think, knowing there was no way to do that in the Gryffindor common room. Sitting there brought Harry closer to mind as Ron knew he had often escaped to one of these seats. Although he didn’t know if he had a special one as they were in every level of the castle except the dungeons.

He thought back to his interaction with Harry this year and had a feeling that although his intentions had been well-meaning that he may have done more harm than good. He couldn’t think of a single time when his interactions with his best mate got that small glow of warmth he got from helping the kid just now. Hermione found him and joined him on the seat the two of them curling around each other. All the tragedy had sped up what had been growing between the two of them and now they were dating. Hermione gave him a soft kiss and he pulled her in tight resting his chin on top of her head.

He just wanted to not think for a bit, but his healer’s voice wouldn’t stop rattling around in his head. Imagine that you are being told by everyone you know as well as perfect strangers that what you feel for Hermione is wrong and not natural. That you must never intimately touch any female, and if you cannot touch a male then you must abstain from touching anyone. That he can’t be trusted around younger girls that his unnatural urges may lead him to sexually assault them. Ron scowled, he hadn’t been as bad as that. Then he remembered telling Harry that he wasn’t to look at any of the boys sharing their dorm or be in the bathroom at the same time.

“Fuck,” He said miserably. “I was a right pratt to Harry.” Hermione hugged him tighter in comfort as she said

“I think nearly everybody screwed up when it came to Harry. And it’s only now that he is gone that we are looking back and realising it. They say hindsight is 20/20. And I guess we are proving that.”

“What is that thing about 20/20?” Ron asked puzzled.

“It’s a muggle thing. It means we can look back and see all the mistakes we made because we know how it is going to turn out.” 

“Huh” Ron mused on that for a bit before making a silent promise to himself to be more understanding he doesn’t want anyone else to go through what Harry went through. 

*                         *                            *

Altair looked across at Theo. He had tried to apologise again when he had first arrived only to be told firmly that it was no good apologising, Theo had already forgiven him. 

“So, does it bother you that I look different now?” He asked curiously.

Theo snorted then said.

“I was never that invested in your looks, but if you are so instant.”

He paused and slowly dragged his eyes down Altair’s body and then back up again. Altair could feel a blush burning on his cheeks at the look in Theo’s eyes.

“No, I’m not bothered at all.” He purred. 

“Oh…… um good…….. that’s good to know, “Altair stammered. Theo smirked pleased. Altair squirm then asked

“So, um does this mean you might one day go out with me again?”

He was taking a lot on faith right now, but both his Healer and his dad (how cool was that he had a dad to ask relationship question) had said that Theo wouldn’t hate him and there was indeed a chance to reinstate their relationship. Theo didn’t answer straight away but looked thoughtful into middle space. This relieved Altair as it meant it wasn’t an instant rejection and that the rhythm of discussion they had between them was still in place. 

“There will have to be some changes, and I’ll need you to do some things for me first,” Theo said.

“Of cause,” Altair eagerly agreed. Glad to be given a set of tasks to complete, because once they were done it meant he got what he wanted.

“To start with, You can’t suddenly decide to break up again cause someone told you Merlin didn’t like gays or whatever bullshit the light feeds you, “ Theo said firmly. Altair ducked his head ashamed 

“That’s fair,” He replied quietly.

“If you do break up with me, it has to be because of something I’ve done. No more of the ‘it’s not you it’s me crap,” Theo continued. “Secondary I won’t go hiding back in the closet,”

Altair was confused when did Theo hide in a closet?

“I’ve been open about being gay for years now and didn’t want to hide that. Which means you need to accept that, one I want to be seen with you in public and not brushed off as ‘a friend’ and two that strangers are going to know you’re in a gay relationship because we will be holding hands,” He paused for a breath and continued. “I’m not saying you have to be in their faces, making out with me in public or shout to the world that you’re gay. I just don’t want to be a secret.”

Altair thought this one through, he didn’t think he had any issues with it, he also didn’t want to hind a part of who he was. And there was no way he was ashamed to be seen with Theo. 

“I reckon that should be fine,” He said eventually. “I don’t want to hind either. I may slip up though so you might need to pull me up on it. I’ll speak about it with my mind healer and get her to help me with it.” Theo nodded agreeing to this. 

“Finally,” Theo concludes. “If you ever get the urge to kill yourself again, I want you to promise to talk to someone about it beforehand. You’re Father or your Healer.”

“I’ve already promised Dad that. I am happy to make you the same promise.”

“Ok Then. I’m done.”

“Done?” Altair repeated confused. “What that’s it?”

“Yes, that’s it.”

“So no slaying a dragon then?”

“You have already gone up against a dragon, I want you to do something new.” 

“Oh.” Only three things Altair thought to himself, so these were a serious three, had there been a whole bunch of things there would have been wiggle room if he wasn’t perfect with them all, but with only three there was no room for mistake. Altair was determined to give it his all. 

“So now what?” He asked.

“Now we seal the bargain with a kiss,” Theo said half teasing.

Altair’s heart fluttered and he eagerly lent forwards. He had thought for sure it would be months before he got to feel this again. 

The Kiss started off quite innocently. Just a brush of lips. But both boys’ feelings were up and they had both being through sure an emotional time that the kisses quickly slid into a highly passionate meeting of mouths. Tongues joined in on the dance. Suddenly Theo tilted Altair backward until he was lying flat and then laid on top of him.  Oh, this is new,  Altair thought, he could feel the whole of their bodies pressed up against each other before they had only had their chest, never their lower half.  But so good, so very, very good.  He could feel that Theo was just as affected as him as he could feel his hard cock pressed against his hip. They shifted a bit and suddenly their cocks brushed up against each other. Altair unconsciously bucked his hips chasing that feeling. God he wanted more of that. Theo must have felt the same because he ground his cock down onto Altair’s.

“Ahem gentlemen, that’s quite enough of that.” Theo shot up in alarm sitting on Altair’s legs.

“Professor,” He squeaked. “We were just um re-establishing the rules for our relationship.”

“Indeed.” Severus drawled disbelievingly. “I should inform you then that I have a chastity charm on my son and I shall be notified each time the ‘discussions’ become heated, shall we say.”

Theo looked at Severus in horror.

“But that style of charm went out of use centuries ago.”

“Then isn’t it lucky that I like to read musty old books?” Severus drawled in reply.

Altair who had covered his face with his arm began to helplessly laugh silently. His body shaking beneath Theo

“I’ll leave you to it,“ Severus said twirling his wand as a reminder as he walked off gown swirling dramatically around his feet. 

Theo half-hearted slapped Altair’s still shaking belly. 

“What was that?” Altair removed his arm and grinned up at him.

“I’ve never been caught making out by my parent before,” He smiled delightedly. “Hell, I’ve never had an adult care about my ‘virtue’ either.”

“Great, this is going to get annoying quick,” Theo muttered sourly.

Especially because he could see Altair truly was delighted by this show of parental protectiveness, and the chances of him helping Theo figure out the charm and reversing it were pretty dam slim. 

*                                *                                  *

Altair pouted slightly as he watched the Portkey Take Theo back to Britain. His father had removed him from Hogwarts for ‘family business’ over the weekend allowing him to come to Altair’s adoption. But he couldn’t stay longer without arousing suspicion. Turning to Severus he asked. 

“Why did Theo’s dad let him come? I thought Lord Nott was like a huge Death Eater.”

“He was, But Theo showed him that he could count and that changed things.”

Altair squinted at Severus sure that he was being played the fool, but his Dad walked calmly back to their beachside house like normal. 

“What do you mean he could count?”

“I was puzzled by this too when I was first told. It was only quite sometime later that Theodore explained it to me. I believe it was when he realised that my loyalty was to you over everyone else,”

Altair flushed pleased at the reminder as Severus continued,

“It turns out that more pure blood has been spilled and whole family lines killed off during Voldemort’s reign than at any other time.”

Altair stared in shock

“Really?”

“Hmmm, indeed. Theodore was kind enough to show me the proof he had gathered. I in turn encouraged him to show his counting abilities to his peers. Who knows they might decide to learn to count for themselves.”

Altair thought about this as they made their way inside where the large windows and the wrap-around shaded porch meant that they got whatever breeze existed to help cool them without the sun shining in and cooking them. Severus watched as his son disappeared into his bedroom, the sounds of things been shuffled through reached him before a triumphant noise and his son cam bounding back out holding a bunch of papers. 

“I got these at the new school. Do you think we should make a copy and send it to Theo to pass around?”

Severus took the papers and saw they were an official document debunking the pureblood theory. His eyebrow rose sharply. 

“Where did you say you got this?” He asked Altair.

“It was with all the other orientation stuff I was given when we went to enrol me. I guess they want to make sure I know that blood status wasn’t going to mean anything when I start school.”

“Give me a moment to read through this,” Severus replied. 

“Ok,” Altair agreed. “Can I go swim at the beach for a bit while you do that?” 

Healer Bibba had said to encourage Altair to do physical activities and sports as a part of his recovery. So Severus nodded after preforming a bubblehead charm, a sun-protecting spell, and getting Lolo to go with him to keep an eye on him. Altair once again proved what a crappy childhood he had growing up as instead of being annoyed that he was being treated like a child much younger complete with a babysitter, he looked at it like a reward that he got to have a friend come swim with him. Severus waved them off and watch boy and elf go scampering off through the jungle path to the beach that was 5 minutes away.

He then settled down to read the document. It was extremely well written and had multiple iron-clad proofs. Using examples and people from all over the world. He made a couple of copies and put them aside to send to Theodore. This would indeed help to muddy the water in Slytherin. He may no longer be their head of house but he still wanted to prevent them from following in his foolish footsteps and handing themselves to the Dark Lord. Once that was done he cast both the sun protection charm and cooling charm before setting off to the beach.

The weather here was agreeing with his son and even his skin had gone from sickly pale to a healthy glow. His son seemed to be settling into the lifestyle here pretty well, to the stage that Severus would be surprised if they had to move again. Which means he was going to have to get rid of his clothes and buy lighter breathable fabric. Although Severus acknowledges he would be the only one wearing just black as everyone else wanted to add as much colour as they could. (Surprisingly no one looked horrible, they seem to have a much better sense of what colours went together then Albus ever did.)

He arrived at the beach and tossed his dignity to the wing as he sat down in the sand to watch his son play in the waves. This place looked like it was going to be a place of new beginning for both of them. It would take a while for him to shred to snarky potion teacher just like it would take time for Altair to heal from all that happened to him and become who he really was. 

At the moment Altair was ignoring and not paying any attention to the war happening in Britain. Healer Bibba reassured Snape that it wasn’t that he didn’t care it was just that he was completely burned out. Once he had a chance to heal and see that this life wasn’t going to be snatch away from him, his concern for them would return.

Severus privately was content if that took years. His son had already done more than anyone else. Severus was determined to remind him that he had done his bit it was up to everyone else now.

*                  *                 *

Swirling blackness. 

The scent of fear and terror. 

Disembodied white skull masks leering. 

Slavery chaining him down. 

Pain. 

Obedience and bowing low. 

Severus awoke with a gasp to see his son looking fearfully down at him. 

“You’re safe now Dad, I right here. We are both safe.” Altair was reassuring him holding onto one of his hands tightly. 

Severus sighed at the role reversal. Normally it was him who was offering comfort to his Son after a nightmare, not the other way around. 

“Thank you, Altair. I’m alright now. You can go back to bed,” He said squeezing his son’s hand in thanks.

Altair looked at him with his ebony green eyes then let go of his hand and slipped out of Severus room on silent feet. Oddly Severus found himself quite bereft once his son had gone. He swallowed down the lump in his throat and stared miserably at his ceiling knowing he was going to get any more sleep tonight. There was a faint scuff and he looked at his doorway to watch Altair come walking carefully back in carrying two mugs that had steam coming from them. He handed one to Severus then put the other one on the bedside table before scrambling into the other side of Severus bed. Severus blinked at him in bewilderment. 

“Can you pass me, my cup please?” Altair asked ignoring the elephant in the room. Severus handed across the mug and watched as his son sipped from it a couple of times before raising an eyebrow at him. Severus found himself hastily raising his mug and taking a sip. Warm milk with just the hint of honey flowed down his throat and he found himself unconsciously relaxing. Once Altair had finished drinking he wandlessly clumsily floated the mug back to the bedside table then snuggled down under the sheet. 

“What are you doing?” Severus asked

“Keeping you company,” Altair stated like it was the most normal thing in the world.

Severus took another sip of his drink to give him something to do. He was unsure of how to act. He was supposed to be the comforter, not the comforted. Parents weren’t supposed to get comfort from their children right? Although he had to admit he only had a crappy example to go on so his knowledge on this was a bit shaky. Still, the presence of his son relaxing beside him was making him feel a lot better. Resolving to let it be for tonight he made a note to talk it over with Healer Bibba tomorrow. He finished his drink and lay back down, he closed his eyes and decide to meditate the rest of the night. Only to fall back asleep within a couple of minutes. 

He awoke the next morning to the sight of his son frowning down at his arm. Looking down he saw the Dark mark was red and puffy. 

“Can I try something?” Altair asked.

“I don’t see why not,” Severus replied.

His son could hardly make the mark worse. Altair twisted his head slightly then let out a small hiss. He paused then tilting his head the other way let out a slightly longer although still hesitant hiss. He wrinkled his brown in thought the gave a commanding hiss filled with a lot of sibilate sounds. Severus' mouth opened in surprise when a hazy invisible sheen popped into place hovering above his mark. 

“Wow, I have no idea what all those symbols mean,” Altair said excitedly “Can you understand them?”

“I’m afraid I can’t see them at all,” Severus replied. 

“Really? Huh,” Altair hummed for a second then scrambled off the bed throwing over his shoulder. “Stay right there”

Severus muttered darkly to himself, His son in his hast to get out of his bed had given no thought to anyone else in it, and as such Severus was gifted with a couple of very sharp elbows and knees poking him on Altair way out. His son came racing back into the room bring a parchment and quill almost spilling the ink bottle. 

“Let’s do this out in the living room,” Severus said stopping him. “Somewhere where there is better light to see and places to put the ink bottle and parchment.”

Altair grinned sheepishly and headed out that way. Severus long-suffering followed behind. He then had the spent the better part of an hour holding still so his son could hiss commands at his arm and try to accurately draw the symbols he could see. The command would only last for a couple of minutes before fading away. Which in turn meant Severus was forced to listen to a lot of parseltongue. Happily, his son’s raspy silkily voice sounded nothing like Voldemort’s sibilate high cruel tone and didn’t trigger any flashback for Severus. Still, eventually, Severus called it quits. 

“Enough,” He said firmly cutting off his son’s rebuttal. “You have more than enough symbols to start with. We are now going to eat breakfast and get ready for your first day at school. My mark isn’t going anywhere, and you can work on it in your free time.”

Altair looked a bit sulky at this which pleased Severus. It meant that he was healing, Teenagers pushing back against their parents to find out where their new adult limits were was completely normal. And while Severus knew he would regret it later at the moment he was looking forward to it. 

*                  *                              *

Severus waited patiently at the Floo station for his son to return from his first day at the new school. The new school didn’t use wands but instead taught basic wandless magic, (which was a blessing as Altair had yet to get a new wand his old one was going to be buried with the imposer body of Harry Potter). Once he was graduated he would be able to apply for a staff to help with the more complex magic.

The fact it wasn’t a boarding school meant this was going to be a bit of an adjustment for both of them, still, he knew that they both liked the idea of spending the evening and mornings together. When he had spoken to Healer Bibba she had assured him that he hadn’t done anything wrong with Altair. That as long as he didn’t force the boy into the role constantly, accepting comfort when Altair offered it would be beneficial to them both. She had also wanted Severus to encourage him with his investigation into the dark mark. It would help ease him back into the path of helping people, but Severus could help Altair form new healthy habits instead of recklessly throwing himself in headfirst. 

His son stumbled out of the Floo and looked around a bit wildly until he caught sight of Severus, he relaxed and happily bounced over to him greeting him with a hug, before he began to walk home bubbling away about how his first day had gone. Severus listen intently please that it seems to have gone so well for him. Once they arrived Altair caught sight of the pile of old books on the dining room tablet. 

“What are they?” He asked curiously. 

“They are books on curse breaking, wards, and bonds,” Severus replied, “Which won’t be opened until after dinner, and your homework is done.”

He continued over his son’s happy examination stopping him from touching them. Altair tried to pout at him but Severus remained firm, he had been a teacher a lot longer than a Dad. The school work would come first. Still, he noticed Altair pleased grin slipping out, almost disbelieving that Severus hadn’t ignored his interest but was in fact encouraging it. 

*                         *                           *

Theo watched from the back of the massive crowd that was sitting in the expanded quidditch seats on the Hogwarts grounds. He had his arms folded and a blank mask on as he was forced to watch the spectacle of the Boy_who_lived’s funeral. He was hard-pressed not to sneer as first the Minister giving a ridicules speech about Harry loving Quidditch and they honoured him by holding his funeral here in his beloved pitch. Followed by the Headmaster's speech subtly trying to arose the stupid sheeple to be ready to fight “Injustice” and ending with his well-known cryptic remarks. 

“Death is but the next great adventure.”

Theo wasn’t surprised but was disappointed that Harry’s best friends weren’t asked to speak. They were the people who knew Harry the best, so why on earth would you get them to talk at his funeral. He thought sourly. Finally, after more important people got up to speak, most of who Theo would be surprised if Harry had ever met, it was time to light the funeral pyre.

Once it was alight and blazing the whole stadium became silent. In that silence, the mournful bark of Harry’s Snowy owl echoed out as she flew down then did a tight circle just above the flames. She then spiralled out slowly circling over the spellbound crowd going wider and wider with each circuit. As she flew overhead the people below shivered, until with a final bark she disappeared into the forbidden forest. Theo could see by the looks on the headmaster and minsters face that that had not been part of the plan. Theo cheered silently, please that the Owl had done her own thing. Once the ceremony was done Theo found himself behind the last of the golden trio as people became crammed like sardines trying to leave down staircase meant for one fifth the size of the crowd. 

“Harry would have absolutely hated that,” Weasley said bitterly. 

“I know Ron, just remember that was for the public, we are having a private funeral for just the people who actually knew him,” Granger soothed. 

“He would have liked Hedwig’s part though. It was kinda spooky, but good you know. Like when she flew over you just for a second it felt like she was taking our thoughts of Harry and was going to deliver them to the land of the dead. Like it was our last letter to him” Weasley said sadly. Granger hugged him tight.

“That was a beautiful though Ron, I reckon you are right, that was exactly what she was doing.”

“We are not going to see her again are we?” He said morosely.

“I don’t think so no,” Granger replied quietly. By this stage, they had gotten to the bottom of the stairs and the Gryffindor’s peeled off leaving Theo to walk deep in thought back to his quarters. 

He would once again be ‘going home’ for the weekend leaving early tomorrow morning. The funny thing was there were a lot of students going home for the weekend now. Something about Harry’s death and the Dark Lord increasing his attacks although he was remaining hidden for the moment had made a lot of parents much more eager to spend time with their children. The headmaster hadn’t wanted to allow it but had been overruled by the school board. The next morning Theo made sure to collect his copy of the daily prophet to give to his old head of house who liked to be kept in the loop of what stupidity the British people were up to. 

“Head off then?” Blaise asked from his sprawled potion on his bed. Theo hummed in acknowledgement. 

“Please don’t tell me you are going off to the tropics to spend the weekend on the beach with your foreign boyfriend,” Blaise pleaded.

Theo smiled knowing he had the attention of his entire dorm room. 

“I might be,” He said casually.

“I hate you,” Blaise cursed. “It’s cold enough to freeze your dick off and you’re swanning off to get a tan and make out with your boy.”

Theo chuckled. Draco who could never stand to be outdone drew himself up and announced pompously. 

“Well, Father is having me come home to meet his very important guest.”

Crabb and Goyle did look impressed with this but they were the only ones. 

“Have fun with that,” Theo said dismissively, catching Blaise rolling his eyes.

“I could bring you back some of the exotic fruit?” Theo offered him in a moment of pity.

Blaise ignoring Draco’s talk of the wonderful food sure to be served at his house, thought for a moment before nodding his acceptance. Theo knocked his knuckles against Blaise’s ankle in farewell before heading out of Hogwarts and towards the portkey station. While standing in line waiting his turn he looked at the picture on the front. It caught the moment Hedwig flew above the flames trailing smoke in her wake as she started her circle over the crowd. Theo had to admit if nothing else the photographer was skilled. He looked at the bottom of the picture and saw it was taken by a Colin Creevy. He didn’t know who that was but would point it out to his Father as someone useful to know. 

It was his turn and he pulled out the portkey his father had given him and stepping onto the station activated it. He arrived at the greeting room in his house. 

“Good morrow, Father, has the Dark Lord call you?” He asked concerned. His father’s lips twitched. 

“I’m afraid I’m conducting a very important but totally obscure experiment at the moment and won’t be available to be called on.”

“How long can that last for?”

“Hmm the foreseeable further,” Lord Nott replied slyly. Theo relaxed in relief that his Father wouldn’t get caught up in any of the Dark Lord schemes.

“You have a visitor waiting for you but the way,” His father said

“Excuse me, did you say I have a visitor?” Theo asked confused

“Hmm, yes the lady has been most instant that she sees you.”

Theo followed his Father bewildered, he couldn’t think of a single female acquaintance who needed to see him, let alone someone his Father would have no qualms inviting to his house. He entered into the dining room only to have a flash of white, fly at him. He raised his arms to protect his face instinctively only to have a heavyweight batter then before two somethings grabbed hold of his upper arms and walked up to his shoulder before gripping tightly. Theo opened his eyes to see a snowy owl glaring back at him. 

“Hooo!” She barked at him crossly. 

“What on earth!” Theo exclaimed.

“She doesn’t seem best pleased with you,” Lord Nott remarked amusement in his voice. 

“Are you Hedwig?” Theo guessed only to get an eye roll from the owl. 

“Ok, well we can talk later, you have to get off me now, I’m about to leave.” Only to get a cuff on the back on his head from her wing and her claws tighten on his shoulder. 

“I believe she means to go with you,” Lord Nott remarked. 

“Ow, Father that’s not helping,” Theo said wincing as her claws drew blood. He tried the pry her off only to get bitten. 

“Sorry my son,” Lord Nott replied not sounding sorry at all. “But I have already paid my dues in blood and have no desire to pay any more you’re on your own.”

Holding up a hand that Theo could see was covered in scratches and bites. 

“I would advise that perhaps getting the little lady to her human would negate any further bloodshed.”

Hedwig barked an agreement then looked impatiently at Theo. 

“Alright, alright I’m going,” He muttered placing this portkey in his knapsack and accepting the one to Altair’s home from his Father. 

“I’ll see you in two days,” Theo said before quickly activating it. 

He arrived in a violet swirl with Hedwig barking in alarm claws dug in and beating him with her wings.

“Get off your stupid bird,” Theo snapped.

“Theo?” Altair said concerned then “Hedwig!!!”

The joyful cried rang out through the clearing boy and owl launching themselves at each other. Theo huffed annoyed as he watched the blasted owl land daintily on Altair’s outstretched arm and gently walk up to his shoulder. 

“Come, let’s get you healed up and leave these two to reunite,” Severus said wirily understanding in his voice.

Theo followed him with one last glance behind, while he was cranky with Hedwig, he was please to returning this one bit of happiness to his Altair. He had to admit the pair looked amazing together. Snape led him to Altair’s bedroom so he could get changed into appropriate clothing, Theo not having the chance when he was at home. He quickly stripped out of his clothing and happily got into a pair of lightweight pants. He didn’t bother putting a top on knowing he was going to have to take it off two seconds later for Snape to fix the talon marks.

He turned only to stop surprised. Altair was standing in the doorway biting his lip eyes dark with arousal. He lifted his arm a little and Hedwig obediently flew over to his headboard and perched there, acting completely docile. Altair then stalked towards him and crowed him against the wall. Theo’s lust shot up, the rare few times Altair had become dominant had all been memorable. 

“I’m sorry Hedwig harmed you,” He lent in still not touching Theo but spoke near his ear voice rumbling. “Let me make it up to you.” 

“H, how?” Theo stuttered. 

“I thought I might give you a helping hand,” Altair purred looking at his crotch.

“Can’t, your dad has a charm remember,” Theo whimpered

“My father has a charm on my virtue,” Altair paused “He does not have one on yours,” He finished darkly. 

Theo head thumped against the wall as he went from half hard to fully hard. 

“Fuck” He agreed weakly. Altair lent against his chest his hand trailing down and slipping into Theo’s pants who let out a gasp.

“Shhh,” Altair whispered in his ear. “We don’t want my dad to hear and come storming in.”

Theo bit his lip to keep from making a sound as Altair continued to whisper dirty things mixed with threats of Severus discovering them into his ear. Sensation of Altair’s hand and the whispered remarks had Theo coming in an embarrassingly short time. He panted weakly as Altair stepped back looking him up and down smugly. 

“You might want to change those pants again unless you’re fine with my dad knowing what we got up to?” Theo scowled half-heartedly as he removed the pants and catching the facecloth thrown at him briefly wiped himself down before pulling on another set. He looked up only to be greeted by two sets of eyes watching him. 

“That’s a little creepy,” Theo remarked.

Altair didn’t seem perturbed that his familiar was also watching his boyfriend. Instead, he held out his arm and Hedwig once more flew over and landed. Altair proceeded to lead both of them towards the living room where Severus was waiting with the medical supplies. Thankfully for Theo’s nerves, he didn’t question the time it took them to get here. Once he was completely healed he handed the bundle of daily prophets over to Severus, who in turned cast the sun protection charm on them both before sending them down to the beach.

It wasn’t until he was walking back to Hogwarts front doors early Monday morning with a knapsack full of tropical fruit and sun-kissed skin that he figured Blaise had a right to be jealous. He definitely was living the good life at the moment. 

*                *                            *

Severus watched interest as Altair painstakingly drew a symbol, then consulted the books open before him. He had been working on this project for months now and instead of getting frustrated or bored with it seem to become more and more delighted with the subject. He, after getting Severus permission was using this project as both a way to get extra school credit but also to be used as an entry thesis to get into a curse braking apprenticeship. It had gotten to the stage that even if Severus had wanted to throw his teaching instincts out the window and help Altair, he couldn’t. This was a subject that he had only done the basic with and much to his pride Altair was way ahead of him knowledge-wise now.

The books he was currently looking in belonged to a curse breaker who had been eagerly following Altair’s progress. If Severus wasn’t mistaken she would be offering him an apprenticeship with her by the time Altair finished this year of school. If he accepted he would do his last two years of schooling via correspondence while also starting his apprenticeship. Speak of the devil he heard someone apparat in and turning his head saw it was Cordy. She had been accepted into the wards around the house just last week. She knocked on the open doorway

“Hello the house,” She called out cheerfully.

“We are in here,” Severus replied and watched Altair subtly straighten. 

“Alright? Are we ready to do this thing?” Cordy asked excitedly. 

“I, I think so,” Altair said unsure. Cordy reached out and ruffled his hair. 

“Don’t stress kiddo, remember most attempts in this line of work rarely work of the first go. We have done the prep work, your dad has been wearing the containment wards on his arm for a week now. And if worse comes to worst remember that’s what I’m here for.” 

Severus sat quietly watching, all of the curse breakers he had met, and thanks to the interest in Altair he had met quite a few were a cheerful bunch. He had no idea if that was a requirement for the job but had yet to meet one that didn’t fulfill it. 

Just last week Cordy, who liked to him informed with any news that came from Britiain due to the fact He still had his accent. (but happily, Altair didn’t. It meant everyone believed the story that He had fled Britain at the end of the last war and that Altair was born elsewhere.) She had informed him that Voldemort had taken control over the British ministry only to have the world council who were sick and tired of watching Britiain’s mishandling and deliberate blindness to the issues, send in an army of hit wizards from multiple countries to round up or kill all the active death eaters. They also sent a bunch of curse breakers which is how Cordy knew, to tackle the Horcruxes. Finally, they corned him and alone and mortal he was defeated by a group of Hit Wizards. The media had tried to make one of them out as the hero of the hour but since no one was sure who got the killing blow and the Hit wizards had grumpily replied that they were just doing their job, they were out of luck. 

He knew that Altair wasn’t ready for all the news and so had kept it brief with just a single sentence.

“The war is over, Voldemort is dead.” 

Altair had frozen for a second then asked in a wooden voice.

“Do you know who made it?”

“Not yet, but I plan to find out.” 

Altair had nodded then walked away and Severus didn’t bring it up again. He would if Altair asked otherwise he would leave it in the past. 

Coming back to the present he watched Altair took a deep breath and spoke the command in parseltongue which Severus now knew meant, “Reveal all that you are,” Altair’s parseltongue was another reason all the curse breakers were desperate to get their hands on him. He had gone from people filching away and treating him like a leper for a year from a single sentence to having a bunch of ‘cool’ adults wanting to spend time with him eager to listen to the slightest word he chose to speak. 

Altair studied the marks that only he could see, before nodding his head resolved. He began to chant in Pasletounge using his hands to delicately manipulate unseen symbols. Severus wondered if this was a frustrating for Cordy as it was for him. Since neither adult could see the marks neither could offer aid or council. All they could do was what they were doing being prepare to leapt to action should something go wrong. 

After ten minutes a brief flash of heat shot up his arm then Altair sat back covered in sweat. 

“I, I think, I did, did it,” He panted.

Severus looked down at the mark. It was still the same.

“You need to wash it with purified water,” Altair continued looking unsure.

Severus gamely got a basin and filled it with some of the pure water he had set aside for brewing his potions. He came back to the audience to see it had grown by one pair of eyes, Hedwig was watching from a chair back curiously. Under all of their gazes, Severus began to wash the mark. To his delight, it started to come off like someone had painted it on him instead of branding. He couldn’t help himself he began to wash faster and faster, eager to get the mark off him. Until all that remained was unblemished skin, slightly red from his over eager washing. He stared at his arm in amazement, from the corner of his eye he saw Cordy discreetly leave. 

“Thank you,” He said heartfelt. “You have no idea what this means to me.” 

Altair suddenly blurted.

“When I died, I met up with my mum.” Severus abruptly turned white collapsing onto a chair. Convinced that he was about to be condemned by the dead woman he loved through the voice of her son.

“She said to tell you that she forgives you.”

It was all too much, from the euphoria of being free to the forgiveness for a sin he had thought he would never be able to atone. Severus found himself crying big fat silent tears. Only to have his Son wrap his arms around him holding tight. 

“She forgives you, and I love you. We are never going to be alone again,” He promised whispering into his ear.

Severus wrapped his arms around his son and with a heart filled with joy hugged him back.

Chapter Text

 
Six years later.

Theo blinked his eyes open and gave a small yawn. He looked next to him to see Altair had ended up sleeping on his stomach sprawling over most of the bed, the whole of his tan sculpted back was on view as the sheet had slipped down to his hips. Theo smiled and trailed a hand down his spine. Merlin but he loved him so much. He watch Altair’s face twitch slightly at the touch but he didn’t wake.

This gave Theo an idea to try out something they had talked about months ago. He slowly inched the sheet the rest of the way off leaving Altair’s naked boy exposed to Theo hungry gaze. The morning light was just peeking in giving his skin a golden glow to it. Theo gently placed his hand on Altair ass and whispered one of the few wandless spells he knew. It did all the prep work so Altair’s body was ready to accept Theo into him.

Altair stirred a little but his eyes were still closed and the rest of his body was relaxed. Theo shifted so he was kneeling between Altair’s legs. He then gently massaged the butt cheeks before spreading them. Lining himself up he slowly slid in until he bottomed out. Bitting back the groan that wanted to come out he lent forward until he was stretched out his weight on his elbows as he hovered over Altair’s back. He placed a kiss between Altair’s shoulders as he slowly began to move his hips. 

Suddenly a sliver doe jumped through the walls and pranced over to them as Severus' voice said.

“Son, I would like a word with you, I’m in your kitchen.”

Theo collapsed onto Altair’s back cursing.

“For fucks sake! We are married and not living under his roof. Surely to Merlin he doesn’t still have the chastity charm on you.”

Altair who had given up pretending to be asleep had his face buried in the pillow to try and muffle is laughter. It was a pointless endeavour, as his body shaking and tighten around Theo’s cock gave him away. Theo grumpily hit his shoulder. 

“It’s still not funny.”

Altair turned his head to the side so one dancing eye could be seen. He twirled his hand and his fruit bat Patronus appeared. 
“Give me a moment dad,” Altair rasped breathlessly.

The fruit bat disappeared as Theo looked down at him incredulously. 

“Did you have to reply in that tone of voice? He is going to know what we are doing.” 
Altair looked over his shoulder at his husband.

“It could just be the way I sound when I wake up,” He suggested. “Better put your back into it, so he doesn’t get any other ideas.”
Theo growled mock offended and did as his Husband asked.

When they entered the kitchen Severus looked up from the cup of tea he was drinking. If he didn’t have an idea before, Altair’s just fucked and blissed look would tell him in no uncertain terms what they had been up to.

Severus grimaced then turned to Theo and offered.
“My sincere apologises for my terrible timing.”

Theo nodded his head in acceptance and he grabbed his cup of tea before kissing Altair on the cheek and leaving the Prince family alone to talk. 

An hour or so later Altair joined him on the porch where he had been relaxing reading the morning paper. 

“He is worried about my going to London for this job as you are,” Altair informed him.

Theo watched him waiting. Altair shrugged and continued.

“Told him the same thing I keep telling you. That I’m not worried or concerned, the only thing I’m feeling is excitement at getting to tackle this unique job. I also reminded him that I won’t be alone, you will be coming to England with me because you supposedly have business in London.”

“Father is handing over more control of the estates, I need to talk to the lawyers about the paperwork,” Theo answered. “Yes in theory it could be done anywhere in the world, but this way I have something to keep me from hovering while you work and we can have dinner together once you are done for the day. And we can sleep in the same bed.”

Altair gave a wicked grin at that.

“Which is always high on my priorities, for multiple reasons.” 

Theo rolled his eye fondly. 

“So, it’s official then? We are going to London?”

“Yep, I have already sent off the acceptance letter. I told them to expect me to arrive in two days’ time.” 

*                 *                     *

Ron waited patiently in the forum of the Ministry of Magic. The Aurors had recently found some of Voldemort’s old things one of which was an elaborate curse weaved into a statue. It thankfully wasn’t active but it was counting down towards something. This was something everyone wanted to halt as soon as possible, but no curse breakers in Britain could work on it as it was all done in Parseltongue.

It turned out that none of Gringrotts curse breakers could help and there had been a bit of a desperate search to scour the earth to find someone who could translate it. Merlin took pity on them and there turned out to be someone who not only was a parselmouth but a curse breaker as well.

But it couldn’t be too easy, the man came from a country that was a lot more alternative then Britain, hence why Ron was waiting to greet him. He was the most tolerant person they had and no one wanted to piss this guy off with their different world views. 

The Floo flared and out stepped a man that Ron knew instantly was his guy.

He was dressed in a sleeveless gown buttoned tight to his chest that split open from his hips down revealing dragonhide leather pants and boots. He had dark short-cropped hair and tan skin. But what Ron noticed the most was the vivid red scars slashing down both his arms from his elbow to wrist and the scar wrapped around his neck. This guy was a survivor, and everyone could see it just by looking at him.

And they were looking, he was drawing stares from nearly everyone moving through the atrium. A lot of the stares were quite appreciative as they took in this exotic specimen amongst them.

Ron headed over to him and held out a hand as he said friendly

“Hi, you must be Master Prince. I’m Auror Weasley. Welcome to London.”

The guy shook his hand as he replied. 

“Thanks for inviting me. If you don’t have to be formal, I would prefer to be called Altair.” He replied in a raspy silky voice.

“Oh thank Merlin, that sounds great. I’m Ron.” 
He then led Altair over to the guard station. 

“This is where we weight and keep a record of all wands coming into the Ministry.” He explained. Altair grinned amused

“I don’t have a wand.” He said spreading his hands to show he was unarmed. Ron blinked at him in shock

“How do you do magic then?”

Altair twisted his wrist twitching his fingers and suddenly he had a small flame hovering over his palm, he closed his fist extinguishing it.

“Wandlessly” He explaining the obvious. “If I’m performing any major works of magic I will occasionally use a staff.” He offered.

The wand weighing guard had his mouth open and was blinking at Altair in shock looking unfortunately like a stunned fish. 

“Right,” Ron said awkwardly “I guess we can skip this part then. Come with me and I’ll lead you to the artefact in question.”

He headed to the elevators with Altair willingly following. Ron felt his neck heat up with embarrassment when they went to enter the containment room the statue was in only to find it locked with a sign the room was currently in use and to come back in an hour. 

“I am so sorry.” Ron apologised. Altair shrugged unperturbed.

“Bureaucrats, I’m pretty sure they are the same the world over.”

Ron grinned weakly privately thanking his lucky stars that the expert was so chill. This wasn’t the first VIP he had to escort around, but this was by far the most obliging. 

“We can wait in my office if you want. And I can organise something to eat and drink.”

“Sounds good.”

He led him back to his office and let him wander around looking at all the Knick knacks and photos while Ron called one of the Ministry elves and placed an order for an early lunch. He turned back to see Altair holding the picture of his family. 

“That’s my wife Hermione, our eldest, Rose and the twin boys are Hugo and Harry.” Ron proudly explained. Then seeing the wedding band on Altair’s hand asked
“Your wife, is she back home?”

“Husband.” Altair corrected casually. “And no he is here in London, doing some land business.”

“Right.” Ron acknowledge calmly. Once again glad he was chosen and not someone else. “It’s always nice when your spouse can travel with you.” 

Altair blinked at him in shock obviously expecting a negative remark. A slow grin broke out on his face and he gestured to the rest of the photos. 

“Can you tell me who everyone else is?”

Ron happily spent the rest of the hour telling him stories of his various friends and family members. Altair seemed genuinely interested in some and politely listen to others. Ron couldn’t tell what the difference was but as it was helping fill in time he went with it.

Once the hour was up they returned to the room and found it open, with few people in the room already waiting. Mostly a mix of Curse breakers and Aurors, all those who were invested in this. Altair went straight up to the Statue and looked at it intently. He slowly circled it before letting out a string of hissed Parseltongue words. About half the room reacted with disgusts at the sound. Then one of the curse breakers cried out.

"Oy, would you look at that!”

It was easy to see what he was talking about. A bunch of writing had appeared hovering over the statue. Ron leaned forwards squinting but he couldn’t make heads or tails of it, it just looked like a bunch of squiggles. Going by the look in others faces they couldn’t read it either. Altair gave a thoughtful hum then hissed out another Parseltongue sentence.

Ron was ashamed to see a bunch of people still reacted the second time. The first time, fine, it was a bit of a shock to the system even though everyone knew that was why Altair was here. Knowing it in theory and hearing it for real-life was a different thing. The second time though they had no excuse.

A jubilant cry broke out a second later as someone realise the timer had stopped. Altair looked dismissively at those who had recoiled and turned back to Ron. 

“So it’s good news, bad news situation. Good news? I’ve stopped the timer. Bad news? It’s still primed and ready to go at a moment’s notice.”

“What’s the point of you then?” One of the Auror’s who had reacted snapped.

Altair didn’t even blink not looking away from Ron acting like the other man wasn’t even there. Ron ignored the ugly flush creeping up the senior Auror face at the dismissal and asked his own question.

“Do you think you could dismantle the curse?”

“Sure,” Altair replied easily. “But this is where I’m going to become a pain in your ass. I’m only contracted to stop the countdown, which I have done. If you want me to do more you are going to have to renegotiate with my bosses.”

The whole room winced. Altair was one of those wizards who was happy to work for a magical being. And if you thought the goblins were bad, they had nothing on the Valkyries. 

“Can’t you help us out?” Ron asked. Altair shook his head

“The thing is you Brits had a bad rep to the rest of the world.”

One of the Auror swelled up as all curse breakers nodded resign.

“What bad rep?” The Auror demanded.

“That you are a bunch of ignorant, stuck up, biased, phobia ridden, specieist,” Altair replied bluntly. “So I won’t be doing any work with it being written down on a signed contract first.”

There were some dark mutters but Ron sighed acknowledging the truth. 

“Sounds fair. Alright if you are done here I can escort you back.”

Altair nodded his head and followed Ron out. When they were back the Atrium Ron offered.

“Would you and your husband like to go out to dinner with my wife and me?”

Altair looked genuinely pleased at the offer. 

“Thanks, but I’m afraid I already have plans.” He replied.

A second later a cloak was draped over his bare shoulders and Altair closed his eyes in relief.

“You forgot how cold I told you it was going to be didn’t you?” an amused voice said from behind them.

They turned and Ron saw another exotically dressed although in warmer clothes wizard. His face looked vaguely familiar. Altair beamed at him and Ron could see the love they had for each other. In fact, he recognised that look, it was the one Hermione and he regularly gave each other. 

“Ron, allow me to introduce my Husband. Heir Theodore Nott. Theo this is Auror Weasley who was kind enough to be my escort for the day.” Altair said.

They nodded at each other and Ron remembered that he went to Hogwarts as well. 

“Are you ready to head out?” Theo asked. 

“Yep, all done” Altair replied, turning to Ron he offered his hand saying. “It was nice working with you. Hopefully, things will work out between our bosses and we can do it again.” 

Ron shook his hand also hoping that Altair would be sent back. He seemed like a decent sort. 

*                         *                           *

Altair leaned back on his chair and looked across the dining table at Theo.

He had been wondering in the back of his mind if he would become ‘homesick’ for Britain when he took this job. But he found that he wasn’t.

Britain would always hold a special place in his heart as his childhood country, but he didn’t want to move back.

He knew he would be back to work on the cursed statue again would get to see enough of it then. He was content with that. 

He was very blessed because he was married to his childhood sweetheart, lived in paradise, had his father of choice close by, and worked in his dream job, where every day was new and exciting.

He had come a long way from the scared, friendless boy stilling on the train heading off to school. And while he had been through trials and trauma over the years he couldn’t be happier with his life now. It was perfect just the way it was. 

THE END.