Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

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《Hobi P.O.V.》
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The concept of soulmates was never really something Hoseok's paid much attention to, even though, ironically, he a hopeless romantic ever since he grew old enough to care about such things. He wasn't fully sure why... Maybe it was the danger involved, or perhaps the rarity of it. The number of people who had actually soul bonded was less than 1 to every 1000, and the number of those that had survived the discovery of such bond was eerily smaller.

It was something so tricky to track down and balance out with your daily life afterward...There was no mark, no name or sparkling heavenly sign; just a connection. A deep, life-threatening, invisible connection between two bodies, who could very easily perish regardless of how healthy they were if they couldn't make the skin to skin contact for more than 48 hours. For the rest of their lives.

School had introduced the phenomenon to them in middle school, since most couples awoken during puberty; even though TV and families would always mention it from far, far before. They made sure to explain to them all about how to identify it and how it worked, as well as all safety measures one could take during it to get their chances to the best possible... Although there wasn't exactly much to say.

Aside from the Awakening, which consisted of a fully-fledged body swap between both soulmates.

No scientist could really explain it, but it always hapepend. there were no clear hints to who in the 8 billion people in the planet you had bonded with. Maybe it was part of why the concept didn't feel desirable for him, and more like a freak sci-fi show concept...

Because, being real, not only it was a terrifying though to imagine himself in someone elses body but also the experience was not even that helpful. Considering soulmates could be absolutely anywhere in the world, and that such event only lasted a few minutes to at best an hour... There was only so much anyone could do during that time span to identify themselves and their other half.

And it didn't always go well. Some people slept through it, some were not believed in when explained they weren't whoever they looked like to the people around them, or woke into horrible unspeakable situations such as warzones and other nightmares... Stories of people who bonded to individuals on the other side of the world and had no means to reach them or even simply didn't realize they had the bond in time for it, also haunted the news more often than it was hoped.

It felt so... Controlling, dreadful, rather than dreamy. And to him in particular, who had always thrived for a life on the stage and spotlight to follow his passion for dancing, such dependency had never seemed more than a scary possible hindrance.

So he just tried not to think about it. He followed along with his life, as many also did, and especially after he had grown past the general quarantine age of 20 for such prospect, the idea and information regarding it had naturally faded out of his thoughts. It made sense, really. Especially with the hectic pace of an idol's life.

And that made his confused surprise very understandable when, as he was working on some compositions down in his studio one early morning, suddenly, an intense wave of dizziness hit him like a truck and the world spun out of view into foggy darkness.

And then, a second later, silence replaced the beats he had been reviewing on his earphones.

And his eyes were suddenly not open.

And he was no longer sitting down.

He sat up slowly, chilling air quickly enveloping and bringing a shiver down his spine as the thick covers over him slid down to his lap. Weird... did I pass out? Before he even properly opened his eyes though, the same dizziness from before stroke him again.

"Ugh..." he groaned.

But immediately froze as, rather than his voice, a low tuned, velvet-sounding moan reached his ears.

A soft, delicate, DEFINITELY not male low tone.

And the chill down his spine grew even more dreading as a hand that wasn't his own reached for his forehead when he impulsively commanded his own limbs to rise and try to make his head stop spinning. An ice-cold, soft-skinned hand, that smelled like an oddly pleasing mix of paint, coffee, and fruit he didn't recognize.

Hoseok tensed up, heart sinking in dread as he shuddered away from the stranger's touch and snapped his eyes open and turning towards the side it came from. but... It didn't move.

And, when his eyes opened, expecting to see one of their managers or maybe even a saesang...

There was no one there.

Wherever there was. Because it also wasn't his studio. Or the dorms.

The hand was still over his forehead and left eye, and no sign of his own, that the felt to be in the same place. He tried moving it, and his eyes went wide as, when he commanded his own hand to go away from himself... the woman's hand backed away from his face. He could see it vaguely in the dark the room he was in; a slender, very pale hand, of long slim fingers and nails that were clean of any polish and cut very short.

He was frozen in place for a moment, until something deep in his mind clicked and he tried moving his fingers... And the hand in front of him complied, waving at him softly, then turning around, then opening and closing... Just as his mind had wanted his own too.

Reality then immediately sunk in, and his eyes went immediately down, the dizziness and fog completely washed away by the surge of panic and adrenaline at the ridiculous thought. But unlike how he hoped, what his eyes landed upon were not the clothes he had slipped into that morning, or his caramel skin and his wide framed shoulders... Under heavy wool blankets now draped over his lap...

A woman's body stood where he should be.

The same feminine velvety like voice from before squeaked in horror as he tried doing so, horror and confusion drowning his mind as his... her... ugh, whatever, his hand leaped towards her/his throat as the female voice surprised him again to find a thin, slender and smooth-skinned neck instead of his own thicker one. A barely palpable Adam apple protruded up when he stretched his/her neck back, the feeling of such soft touch making him blush and feel a weird knot down his stomach.

His heart hammered in his chest in despair, a chaos of thoughts bouncing across his head a hundred miles an hour. No. No, no, no, no, no... This couldn't be happening. He was far beyond the age gap they happened, wasn't he?... Why? HOW?!

Quickly snapping his/her hands away from himself, his eyes turned down and he struggled to see as much as possible of whatever body he was inhabiting, despite the dim-lit darkness he was sitting in. Her skin was very pale, her... chest, which he wanted to kick himself to notice in such a situation, wasn't, uh, very visible... Heaving to the same rhythm his rising panic was forcing him to breathe on, a small cleavage vaguely visible peeking through a worn-out sleeveless pink and white striped cotton nightgown.

He averted his gaze from it, feeling a blush creep across his face to his impulsive mental note as he tried to focus on other details. Her arms were normal, not top thick or thin, with soft dark strands of body hair covering her admittedly almost scarily pale skin across it and a few dark beauty spots here and there.

Desperate to have some more information to ground himself to, he looked around for a light source. The room he was in, wherever it was, was small and dark, lit only by what seemed like soft moonlight seeping through the gap on the curtains to the left of him. The sight made his stomach drop to the realization that, wherever he was, surely it wasn't Korea or anywhere close to his time timezone.

The walls had a soft light color the dark didn't allow him to properly identify. Light gray? baby yellow? He wasn't sure. Everything around the room was oddly blurry, even after he roughly rubbed his eyes over and over to try and focus them better. He frowned slightly to the mild headache the effort brought him, shaking his head to try and clear it.

Soft strands of hair hit his face as he did so, and his hand went up to touch the hair he just came to think of around him on impulse, bringing it closer to his eyes. The strands barely reached his line of sight but he could see it; soft, wavy to almost curly short hair, seemingly of a dark tone. Didn't seem to fall too far past his/her jaw, barely brushing half of his/her neck ticklishly.

Getting his attention back to finding some sort of light he tried focusing on looking closer around, where his eyes seemed to work a bit more normally. Farsighted, maybe? he guessed, then confirmed such thought as he turned to the side and noticed a pair of glasses resting by the nightstand. He took the glasses and turned them up and down in his hands - rectangular, very discreet model with mildly thick lenses - before awkwardly trying them on, feeling silly to do so although immediately the world around him returned to high definition even with the low light.

He clicked the lamp beside it on as he turned around and slipped out of the covers, although part of him reconsidered the movement immediately once the cold air hitting his/her skin was now ten times sharper.

Hoseok shivered, hugging his arms and bringing his legs closer to himself on impulse as, with a second and deeper blush rising to his face as he noticed that said legs, naturally, also weren't his usual ones. No, unlike his average, toned masculine ones, these were thick and curvy, very long and definitely not muscular, bare from half her thighs down where the light cotton nightgown ended. There was a soft layer of body hair over them too, not thick or heavy enough to seem ugly, but very evident thanks to its dark tone and how pale the skin under it was.

He coughed and tried to sit up and look better around, forcing his mind to get out of the shocking sight he had just unwillingly peeked too. Ugh, seriously... what am I, a pervert? He cringed at himself as he impulsively scratched the back of the neck that wasn't his self consciously, the size and shape of her thighs still engraved in his mind from the quickly surprised stare he had just given them; he was pretty sure her thighs were probably thicker than Jimin's and even Jungkook's combined. And, albeit clearly out of shape, admittedly rather sex--...

UGH STOP. Do NOT go there. Bad! Bad, pervert, needy brain! There is a time and a place, and this is clearly not the right one.

He tried to collect his thoughts, although his deprived man thought-tangents were probably exactly his brain's way of trying to keep himself from losing it and freaking out. It wasn't like he could run away from it though, nor did it make any less appropriate.

Soulmate.

He had a soulmate.

And, regardless of what he thought or felt about it... At any moment from now, he'd be back on his own body and start to feel it decay unless he could find his way back to whoever woman this body belonged to.

Panic won over his shock fast to this realization, and, in a frenzied rush, he darted across the room. Trying to see as much as he could, to figure out whatever he could gather and memorize it, to know where he was and who this person was... although even under the light there wasn't really much to see there. He had no clue when the connection would be gone, and his heart raced against the clock trying to grasp at least some sort of reliable information about whoever this person was and where.

Ok, ok. Think. They went over this in middle school. He tried telling himself, doing his best to control his breathing and set his heart under control, even if with not much success. He had admitedly never been the best at working logically through panic, even if a life in stage had surely help him build up a decent poker face to it; but, with literally his life on the line, his mind was far from being in the most rational place to set up a plan.

He tried focusing on the basics first. The first thing I need to know is where this is. Then a name, and her face. Hoseok chanted to himself, remembering his old teacher's voice more clearly than he expected. Some form of contact can be figured out later if I have at least those three things figured out. So he started immediately looking around.

Besides the twin-sized bed he woke up in the room had a nightstand, a two doors wardrobe, an armchair, and a bookshelf. There were clothes scattered around here and there, quite a lot of them showing small or big flowery, colorful patterns and of a far bigger frame than what he could feel this person being. He couldn't see at first glance any purse or wallet to check for an ID or some sort of document, so he turned to the rest with a sigh. The bookshelf was packed with books and notebooks of all widths and sizes, and beside the lamp, there were some medication boxes where the glasses had been and a phone.

PHONE!

He grabbed it, trying to unlock it or turn it on, but the device was apparently completely dead so he turned towards the boxes. He frowned as he examined it, deeper worry flaring in his heart as he saw western writing over it, the language across it far from anything he was able to identify.

He tried the window too, sliding the curtains open to peek out and try to see any landmarks... but again, nothing of evident. Only quiet closed off houses, and a few passing cars; a view possible on any random city, a bright full moon shining over him with a starry sky and lighting up the road that was down below two stories from him. She lived in an apartment building, and from the outlook of the cityscape around it, either in a residential, suburban area of a big city or the urban center of a small town.

There were few to no buildings or skyscrapers in sight, no nightlife noises or noticeable commerce around. Great. Small town.

With a frustrated grunt he darted away from the bedroom, trying to find any sign of life or at least some sort of mirror. Outside the bedroom door was a small, humbly decorated living room that was directly connected to the kitchen by no door or wall. There was no dining room in sight, only a small square table beside the two-seat couch in front of a large TV placed over a desk filled with a mess of books, notebooks and loose pieces of paper. There was a computer desktop right under it, and a PlayStation console resting above it under the desk, a computer chair laying aside out of the couch's way.

Humble home, his mind added to his memory, especially seeing the few shelves decorated with only plants, a few plushies and a load more of books and notebooks. Bookworm, too. Wow.

There were no family portraits or pictures around, nor in the desk or the shelves. However, across the walls, paintings and drawings of landscapes and random people covered the bleak wallpaper. They all seemed to be handmade rather than printed, and from his quick glance across them, also roughly of the same recurring style.

To his right there was an open door, where he could see a bathroom but no other doorway aside from one who clearly lead outside judging by the two extra locks on its side. She lives alone... He mentally snarled at his ongoing poor luck.

Turning to the bathroom, Hoseok clicked the light on and quickly scanning the place. It was a wide room made of pale beige tiles, that had a washing machine cramped inside it along with the shower, sink and toilet seat. Above the sink a cupboard, which he immediately rushed towards to check the reflection shown against its mirrored door.

The face staring back at him with a tense, scared frown was of a western looking woman that was probably around his age. Her face was porcelain pale, skin marked by a few pimples above her lips and two beauty spots; one down her chin and another close to her ears. Her hair caught him off guard: it was a deep shade of bright green, that faded softly into a coffee brown (which he assumed to be her natural hair color, as it matched her eyebrows and bodyhair) as it grew closer to her roots, sticking messily in all directions thanks to its short cut and wavy shape, but framed her long oblong face quite nicely.

She had high cheekbones and thin cheeks, and her lips were delicate in their wide and uneven shape; the lower one, full and plump, while the upper one was thin and shapely, the corners of her mouth fell naturally down in a sort of soft permanent pout. The teeth hidden under them were wide and prominent, but well aligned and evenly proportioned, their shade slightly yellowish than his own regularly whitened.

She had warm honey-colored eyes wide, almond-shaped, that was adorned softly by very long eyelashes and thick furrowed eyebrows... And very heavy purplish eye bags, which at first glance he frowned worriedly to, genuinely thinking she had been punched on them. The dark shades tainted the softness of her gaze along with a small horizontal scar between her left eyelid and eyebrow, both deep enough to be evident even behind her glasses. BAD sleeping habits, huh... well, explains the coffee smell and teeth. Her nose was long and had a roundish tip, slightly big even on her long face and with a small crook on the middle of its bridge, bending it down and lightly to one side unnaturally.

Definitely not the best at self-care either, he concluded, noticing too the obvious lack of any makeup and beauty products he expected a woman's bathroom to be filled with. At least, considering his memory of his mom and sister's skincare arsenal back at home. But in her case though, between the shower and sink all this girl had around were shampoo, toothpaste, and soap.

That didn't rule out a good impression completely though... Even though she was seriously unkempt, that woman was still wasn't ugly. Sure, definitely very far from the strict beauty standard he was so used to by now, that was followed by artists and fans, but... kinda pretty.

He stepped back as much as the bathroom's space allowed, trying to see and memorize through the small mirror as much of her as he could. As he had felt up before in his initial shock, she was more or less in a border between an average and a chubby sort of body build, her tall frame balancing out well whatever extra weight she had. Her neck was long and slender, and following along the same sleek frame her collarbones and small shoulders were thin and well marked. Put together with her actually not so humble chest and the... uh... admittedly hard to ignore the voluptuous shape of her hips, the slim circumference of her waist made her body's overall shape look like a guitar's.

Once he was sure he would be able to remember her, after eyeing the reflection from as closely and far and as he could gather the nerve to without feeling like an invasive weirdo, Hoseok turned back to the living room and looked for a light switch. As soon as he did, slight scraping noises rose on the floor and Hoseok tensed up, looking around. From the bedroom a tiny form appeared on all fours, and he sighed in embarrassed relief to the bulky framed Frenchie sluggishly approaching him with huge, questioning eyes and a wiggling butt.

"Hi there little guy, who are you?" He asked between a laugh, crouching down as the dog happily approached him and started licking his outstretched hands. It had white and softly matted brown fur, which stretched in spots from it's back all the way to its... "oh, oops. Sorry, you're a miss." He giggled as the lady pup huffed pleased and scorched closer to his hand as he pat her tall cute ears.

The pup didn't seem to be an adult yet, and albeit she was wearing a simple pale pink collar, there was no nametag on it. Giving the dog one last snuggle when she flopped on her back and offered him her tummy, Hoseok then got up with a sigh and made way closer to the desk. Trying to find amidst the chaos of papers and notebooks... well, he wasn't really sure what exactly. Just... anything useful.

His eyes widened as he looked at the papers though; more sketches and paintings of the most varied subjects covered most of them, people, landscapes, animals, surreal fantasy scenes and fanart of some comic book icons he easily recognized... Pots of paints and pencils of various sizes and colors messily surrounding the artworks. He stepped back and looked at the pieces hanging on the walls, the way the lines and colors blended together clearly done by the same person. There were people in parks, busy streets, countryside farm workers on horseback... Candid shots, all done in a mix of sloppy coloring and messy scribbled pencil or ballpen lines that had an odd, yet stunning sort of realism to them.

She's an artist, he gaped in awe to the display of skill in each piece. For a moment he was almost distracted from his objective, eyes floating between the different works...

Until his eyes fell over a particular scribble in an open sketchbook. He grabbed it hurriedly and scanned in shock the pen and pencil sketch of a man lying over grass, an apple falling from its outstretched hand as his body was lifted eerily into the air.

A very,

VERY,

Familiar silver-haired young man.

"Jimin!?" The voice he still wasn't used to muttered his thoughts in shock as he stared at the intricate fanart of Jimin's Lie concept shot.

His heart sunk as now his eyes looked through the mess of papers and the shelves with a renewed objective. And, to his dismay, quickly he started to spot more bits and pieces of evidence. A painting of Taehyung, mic in hand and a colorful light play of blue and purple around him, sketches of Namjoon's profile and another piece on Jimin, this time made on paint also of a shot of him with a mic in hand as was Taehyung's.... And...

His own face... Hoseok's real, actual face, scribbled from many angles through the full extension of a two sheet's spread of one of the larger notebooks on the table...

Hoseok leaned over the desk helplessly, a hand going over through his... well, her hair as the thought sunk in and its implications started playing out in his head. Great.... Just GREAT. As if a bond like this was not complicated enough... As if having a foreigner from god knows where as soulmate wasn't enough of a challenge... No, life HAD to make it even more complex and convoluted.

His soulmate HAD to be an ARMY too.

Beyond even the bond itself, more than anything else, that was for sure something he had no idea how he really felt about.

Before his mind could wander too much further though, a sudden wave of dizziness struck him, strong and steady, bending the world around him softly in the same way he had seen his studio vanish before his eyes. Panic rose in full steam once again up his chest, his eyes frantically trying to go back on track and hold on to any further mean of information. No, no... he couldn't go back yet... He had not discovered anything!

As the world slowly started to warp more violently, in an impulsive, desperate attempt, Hoseok looked closely to the paintings, trying to find a signature. To his relief, the recurring marking on all of them was small, but clearly visible.

N. B. Monte Negro

He then grabbed one of the pens in front of him and a piece of paper that wasn't so full of scribbles, hurriedly writing down as much as he could think, trying to leave some sign for, since he couldn't gather enough to find her, that she could, later on, find him. He had no idea what could be useful though.

So he just circled his own face in one of the pages, wrote a big 'ME' in his limited known english and signed it to leave some sort of prove, than laid down right under it everything that came rushing through his mind; not minding to translate it as his vision grew foggier and foggier as the seconds dragged on.

Soulmate,
I'm Jung Hoseok, J-Hope, from BTS. It's not a lie!!
I don't know how to find you, find me!!
Big Hit, South Korea
9xx-xxx---

But, before he could finish writing down his phone number, his head throbbed and the world spun out of focus once again.

Chapter Text

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《Nina P.O.V.》
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Sleep, for once, had come easy for Nina. At least, to her standards. She didn't need to take her sleeping pills, which was rare in the last few years. Then again, she supposed it was to be expected; if she wasn't able to fall soon to sleep after pulling four all-nighters on a row then she was pretty sure her diagnosis would be changed from insomniac to real-life zombie. She sure as hell already looked like one, recently even more so than usual thanks to exam week.

Knowing her life and luck though, somewhere deep down, she should have figured out it was too good to be true. Because not only sleep came fast and easy, but it came unaccompanied. No bad dreams, no unwanted thoughts or memories... no, this time, she had a dream. A nice, comfortable dream.

Nina was comfortably soaring through an empty space heard a dancing beat, BTS's voice marking the sound in a song she couldn't recall if she ever heard. Maybe it was not one, but a mix of her usual favorites... Eh, it wasn't like Nina cared. She sighed in her sleep, letting Hobi's unmistakable rare singing tone guide her through her blissful rest. It had been so long since she had properly relaxed and actually dreamed...

Usually, possibly thanks to her usual sleep deprivation, the sky could crash down upon her and Nina wouldn't wake up. Well, aside from maybe when her puppy Bibi decided it was play time and started whining by the bed until she woke up - french bulldogs' squeaky barks are the most effective alarm clocks, she could confirm.

But... Having lived alone for the past two years in a very small, country side town, her mind was naturally programmed to consider any unexpected noise a potential risk. Even being a small town on the farthest end of the country, Brazil was still Brazil; crime was far more expected than peace and safety.

A man's voice she didn't know, followed by a heavy hand grabbing her shoulder in the middle of the night definitely counter as one of those.

Before her eyes were even open, she was already jolting sideways to get up and away from the intruder's touch.

However...

Somehow...

She wasn't really laying down.

So, rather than getting up, her impulsive motion ended up throwing her forward head first into a table. Her forehead crashed hard against something that felt like a keyboard, then slid forward with her weight and jammed her head, neck and shoulder agains what felt like glass. Maybe the computer's monitor?

Shocked confusion and a sore forehead fully shaking her drowsiness away, Nina opened her eyes and tried to regain her balance. She steadied her hands down and pushed away of the desk, trying to properly get her bearings, but there were lights and colors all around her instead of the familiar, comfortable dark room she had gone to sleep in. It wasn't even her own work desk at home, that PC was way out of her league and there was a lot of papers and coffee mugs missing... where was she?

The reminder that there was a stranger in there with her brought her back to the task at hand. She tensed up and turned around, shooting her body backwards and spinning around to face the intruder.

As soon as she straightened up though, her head felt stuck in place by a set of headphones. The headset that she did not re all owning yanked the computers desktop forward half way through the table, hitting the keyboard and some sort of figurines that had been standing beside it.

Her heart jolted, immediately thinking of her portfolio. She shoot forward to save it without thinking, but when she did...

A man's arms appeared from behind her. Blood drained off her face, and she screamed, shutting her eyes as she braced for the impact of being grabbed.

But it never came.

And a man's shout following it jumpscared her nearly out of her skin, freezing her in place. Her eyes snapped open, shock kicking in. The voice had came from very, very close by, almost as if out of herself. And the hands trying to grab the pc in her place or herself were gone. Tucked in, just as she tucked her own.

She tried to regulate her breathing, hand clinging to her chest while mer mind tried organizing her thoughts. What the HELL was going on? It didn't help her mind clear her mind that, under her hands, her own chest felt foreign to touch. True, she was not the most "well comissioned" female out there when it came to boobs, but she surely didn't recall feeling this flat. Or being on this many clothes, for that matter.

A stranger's heartfelt laughter brought Nina's mind back to the present. She quickly snapped the headphones off her head and turned to face him, body tense.

In front of her a man around his thirties, all dressed in black sports clothes, laughed while staring at her with wide, confused eyes. Well, as wide as their Asian shape would allow. He spoke again, his face twisting in a mix of surprise, humor and concern, but his words were scrambled. It was familiar, but it surely wasn't portuguese or English. Why was a foreigner there? In a town in the middle of nowhere, breaking into her house?!

Except... Only then it downed her. Nina finally properly looked around the well lit, colorful environment she was in. And confirmed...

This... Isn't my house.

WHERE AM I?!

The walls were white and gray, covered in shelves with CDs, weird Mickey-looking figurines and electronics. The keyboard she had smashed in looked like a small piano, connected beside a regular computer keyboard and what... seemed like some sort of DJ equipment?

Nina frowned, feeling very uncomfortable to the blank in her memory. Had she sleepwalked again? It never went as far as getting dressed and going somewhere else though, that was a scary first...

The stranger in front of her spoke again, the hint of amusement of his expression and tone now slightly replaced by concearn. Nina kept staring at him, too dumbfounded with the information overload to react... But doing so she realized his black clothes were not the same as the beige and orange sleeves she had seen coming from behind her. Meaning...

She snapped around, looking for the second intruder. But there was no one else in sight. Just the two of them, in wherever the hell that was.

"Ond--" ("Wher--") she started asking, but the voice that came out of her throat wasn't hers. It was deep - way deeper than hers, or any female she knew.

She unconsciously reached for her throat, tensing up to the feeling of a very unfamiliar neckline; thick, strong, and with a prominent Adam's Apple. Nina immediately looked down and felt her stomach twist in fright and disgust, shook freezing her once again in place.

That.... those weren't her clothes.... it wasn't her body.

Her breathing became ragged as panic came back in full steam, the muscles she didn't recognize tense as she scaned it slowly. This man, whoever it was, was wearing a beige and orange hoodie of the colors she saw the arms before - that now she understood were 'her' own and not some captor grabbing her - that was very baggy, judging how what she could feel as 'here's body felt a lot smaller than what she could see. The pants were the same way, and big weird shoes that felt like she was stepping on clouds.

The hands in front of her were huge but somewhat delicate, despite the subtle squareness most male hands had. H-How... How was this possible...? She asked herself, feeling her eyes start to water. Bile was heavy deep on her stomach, and the shallowness of her breathing was starting to make the room around her blurry and her body to sweat. Am I still asleep? It-it has to be...

Unless...

But the alternative twisted her stomach even further. She couldn't have a soulmate, not her of all people. Who could be so unlucky to end up with such fucked up other half?! No, no, no... this had to just be a bad dream... it HAD to... her life so far had had a bad track record of being cruelly ironic but it just could not play with this kind of cruelty, not NOW. This couldn't be happening... she couldn't be fated to live in this kind of situation, after all the she had gone through to finally be free of it. Now that she had finally been able to settle properly on her new life, to feel comfortable and happy rather than guilty over her new lonely little routine.

Gentle hands suddenly landed over her/whoever's shoulders breaking her inner monologue. It was the man from before, his eyes now seriously concerned as he called out again for whoever this was in a language she was fad too panicked to pay any attention to.

"Sai!" ("Don't!") She jolted back to his sudden touch and closeness, the weird male voice once again yelped as her panicked shoved her backwards against a hard glass shelf. The man in front of her tensed up in surprise and put his hands up, caught of guard.

"C-como...?! Q-Quem, não, o-o-onde..." ("H-How...?! W-Who, no, w-w-where...") she stammered, trying her best to get the words out through her panicked, breathless state.

It came out barely above a whisper, the unknown male voice shivering and whiney in between her short shallow breathing. Hearing its sound again, coming so close to her ears and out of her own mouth, did not help get back her senses any easier. It was unfairly triggering.

The dude in front of her spoke again, seeming more worried, and this tired Nina forced herself to pay attention an listen. It still seemed like gibberish for her, but she looked more properly at the man's clear Asian features and he repeated whatever it was he had been saying, some of the words sounded somewhat familiar and the realization suddenly clicked. Korean. He is speaking korean.

She mused, her long hours listening up to k-pop and doramas suddenly ringing back through her mind. She had no knowledge on the tongue though, despite recognizing its sound and a few lose words... so it didn't exactly feel very relieving.

"I-" she started, trying this time to ask in English but getting surprised once more by the odd male voice that came out instead of hears. "I'm sorry, I... I don't--"

The guy immediately frowned to the foreign language and spoke over her again, now seeming even more tense and worried than before and stepping forward. Nina tensed up to his hand up as he did so, reaching for her or whoever's shoulder her's was right now once more. She unconsciously stepped back when he did so, but as she stumbled back a few steps...

Nina stiffened to a brand new feeling invading her attention.

A sensation so subtle and faint that, if wasnt for the realization that she was in a male body, she would likely not have noticed at all.

Something down by her lower parts brushing against her upper, inner leg that she knew very well what it was.

The wave of panic and flashbacks it triggered was violent. Strong enough to take her mind all the way back towards all those moments and memories, and to make bile rise right out through her throat. It made her bend over in a surge of tastes and food waste she was sure she had never actually tried before, and it took all her willpower to contain it from exploding out into whatever place that was.

The man from before spoke again, now seeming tense and panicked, but Nina didnt see him. No, her mind was too cloudy with the past for it; she barely even realized she had started crying and running out until her shoulder collided with a door, then a wall once the former opened up to the impact.

The line between memory and reality was dim, and she ran away with all her/whoever's body's strenght from the past menace that, in reality, she had not been able to. But of course, memories being memories, they still kept coming. Still touching her, still forcing her in, regardless of how badly she ran or tried to shoo the creepy, ghost hands away. To push out the gigantic, dark looking figure. Especially since, with all the running around, the sensation of that between her legs kept being more and more evident, giving that rotten piece of her past further fuel and credibility.

Her legs were shaking and she felt dizzy, her knees weak to the rising temperature of her body as panic made her/his heart overwork. Nina let herself/whoever lean back against the wall to avoid falling, then slid down sitting on the floor. Her hands rose to her face and pressed against her eyes and temples, trying to brush the flashback out, to protect herself of the giant creepy human her memory didn't let her forget.

"Calma. Te acalma. Não é real, não é real. Já acabou. Acabou...." (calm down.  Calm yourself down. It's not real, not real. It's over. Over...) she mumbled, trying not to shake, but the foreign voice made it worse. She hugged the body that didn't belong to her tight, making sure to keep her/his legs spread not to risk moving and feeling it again. It helped give the memory less strenght, to convince herself it was just a projection rather than time traveling reality... at least, as much as one could do that when waking up somewhere they didnt know in a body that wasn't their own.

Slowly, especially as she kept her voice more muffled and tried blocking her ears up. The sound of this man's voice was oddly familiar, now that she paid attention to it. But in a weird way... had she heard it before? How could it be though, she had no clue even what language that was, considering the stranger she ran away from.

Steps came from somewhere beside her and Nina's body immediately tensed back up, but she couldn't get herself to move and look. Her body, or whoever this was, was rigid in place; panic barely keeping her able to breathe. Her hands were up her head, muscles cramped in a way that hurt to move, but they still did; back and forth between the sides of her head and hovering above her/those legs, unconsciously wanting to shift the pants of place to try and not feel it better, but not being brave enough to. This wasnt her body, it would be disrespectful to... plus, she was sure even just feeling thighs that weren't her own would likely just trigger her more.

"Tira isso, tira de mim, tira, tira..." (take it, take it off me, take it off , take take off...) she mumbled to herself, unsure if it was voice or thought anymore.

Hands landed over her shoulder suddenly, makin her jolt back and tense up further. Her eyes opened wide but couldn't move up, staring at three pairs of legs rather than the faces looming up above. They talked, again in some other language that felt familiar and yet not at all. Her breathing was getting ragged again, panic of danger once again kicking in beyond her rational senses.

But then...

One of the legs crouched down to her eye level, hand squeezing her/his shoulder tighter in concern, as shown in the face that the motion made come into view.

A face she was definitely well familiar with, albeit not from close by, and that she gaped in shock as much as confusion to seeing in a time like this.

Kim Namjoon.

Kim Namjoon of BTS.

What kind of messed up nightmare was this? Aren't nightmares supposed to only have bad things? Well, maybe this was her mind taking pitty on her poor heart. It surely was working, that sudden presence right in front of her had somewhat managed o throw off some of her panic out shock. 

He talked again, face twisted in a weird mix of surprise and worry and the hand on her/his shoulder clung tighter. That broke her out of her spell and Nina shrieked, involuntarily trying to back away. The man's voice that came out of her throat didnt help though, and before she knew it she was crying again. Her mind couldn't handle this, it was too confusing...

Namjoon's hand immediately lifted away, his frown deepening. He spoke again, the korean words sounding like questions.

"T-T... Take it off me... Pl-Please... Take it off..." she mumbled, this time in English. Trying to give off a hint, a clue. Her eyes were closed again now, the attention she could feel over her not only from him but the other strangers behind him was excruciating. She knew she should breathe, but her lungs seemed stuck, cramped and tense like the rest of her.

Namjoon's voice sounded again somewhere beside her, his korean words even more grave and confused than before. It was so ironic, to darkly humorous... Bts had brought her out of such dark, grim places before through the 4 years she had been their fan... and still, right now, with one of them right beside her in such terrifying moment... She didn't manage to answer. She didn't even manage to move, or breathe in. The attention, the weight of his presence and whoever else was there crushing her last glimmers of rationality and bravery to bits.

Silence stretched on for a while after that, the strangers gathering up in more number according to what she could tell from the footsteps. She kept her eyes closed, head hung low as she tried blocking out the noise and her own hectic thoughts to focus on breathing. On trying to stop crying her/whoever's eyes out. To keep the rising bile that kept answering to her racing panic and trying to burst up her throat.

At some point she registered steps approaching closer than the rest had been, and once again a hand laid over her other shoulder. She flinched involuntarily to it, as the size was too big to be a female hand. The voice accompanying it hushed gently to it, not taking the hand out, and tried more words that once again she did not understand... but sounded familiar. Both words as much as the voice itself, they all kept repeating parts of it. Was it the same kind of sentence? Or was that a name? She had not paid it enough attention so far to be sure.

She tried anchoring herself to it, to hold on to that leak of reason and curiosity.

"Who are you?" the voice said, this time in a heavy accented English. Slowly, Nina risked opening her eyes and tried looking up. The hand by her shoulder brushed her/his arm soothingly, keeping itself high and safely light on how it touched her. It was a man again, as she had guessed. He was dressed on jeans and baggy cool-looking sweater, his body frame somewhat bigger than whoever's it was she was inhabiting at the moment.

"Can you hear me?" he asked, his tone patient.

Even thought she had not yet looked at his face, the voice and what she could already see of this person brought chills down her spine, recognition once again striking her with a shock faction she had not in her wildest guesses could have foreseen. And, as she finally made herself gaze up and confirm her fearful assumption, surely there he was.

Seokjin, being carefully watched by a handful of other random korean strangers she had never seen before, but also Namjoon and another familiar face she did not really expect: Suga. Min Yoongi. Three of the members of BTS, standing there around her in the middle of one of her craziest, most dramatic nightmares she had ever gotten.

"Who are you?" Seokjin repeated once again, slightly holding her shoulder tighter to try and bring her attention back at him as her panicked gasps for air and bulging wide eyes made clear another wave of panic was breaking through her.

"Calm down, no one will hurt you." Namjoon suddenly joined in, also kneeling down beside her and lightly holding her other shoulder. The touch got her to flinch once again, but his subtly managed to make it not so violent. "You're safe. You're safe." 

Nina's brain was not being able to catch up with that much stimuli and information, unsure of what to focus on. The rest of the people around them, who now seemed far more than just three, were all dreadfully silent, still looking down at them expectantly. At her. She tried her best to strangle the urge to break down crying once again, turning her head back down to block away the weight of all those foreign stares and trying to breathe her rising sobs in and out. Her head was spinning.

"Do you know where you are?" Seokjin again. She managed to shake her head, albeit very stiffly. "You're in South Korea, in a music company. Big Hit."

In and out. In and out. It was all she could fully focus on, eyes barely open to block away any more triggers. It felt easier to picture it as just some random video she would usually watch while working like that, just their voices going around about anything in the background.

"Do you know who we are?" Namjoon this time, and she froze to the question before managing to nod in reply.

"Ok. Do you know who you are?" Seokjin asked this time, trying to bend his head in a way it'd come back into her field of vision.

She avoided his eyes, but the question helped her grip further into reason, and finally she looked back to her/his hands, cogs in her brain turning. More even than before, considering freaking BTS was standing all around her, that was indeed something to really be asking.

Who was she right now?

Gazing around to the feet and knee of the idols she had spent the past four years watching on YouTube and listening to through her earphones in good and bad moments, the answer she was most likely to get - especially considering this something out of her own head - was dreading.

"Hoseok." another voice pitched in. It took a moment for her to realize it was Yoongi, who had now joined the other two on ground level. "You're Hoseok. J-Hope."

Hoseok. There it was, the word they kept repeating the most out of their many ones so far. Hoseok. She felt stupid for not recognizing it before, to caught up in her panic to dig it out of their sentences and pleads... Nina's eyes went wider than ever, the blood fully drained out of her face. No. No,no,no... No, how? There was no way... Jung Hoseok... She... He couldn't be...

"What is your name?" Namjoon asked patiently once again, breaking her out of her thoughts by shaking her shoulder lightly.

She stared at him for a long second, mind still to caught up on the implications that new array of information mean

"N..." Nina tried, still staring at the hands and legs that didn't belong to her in deep thought. "N...N-Nina..."

Silence fell around them heavily, as if a rock had just been thrown over the confused and hectic atmosphere that surrounded them just a moment before. The only sound echoing through the hallway were Nina's sobs and ragged attempts at steadying her breathing... or, well, whoever's this was.

"M-My... My name is... N-Nina..." she said, wondering if they had heard her. The voice out of her throat was heavy, but too hoarse and chocked up to be recognizable. She was barely even able to understand what she was saying. "I'm... I-I'm, I... I dunno wh-what... whe-where..."

But her head started throbbing mercilessly before she could finish of the sentence, a yelp of pain escaping her as her hands flew to her/his temples. She shut her eyes and opened them a few times, trying to brush it off, but the room and it's colors seemed to be swimming around oddly. She felt bile rise up again to it, although luckily Nina managed to hold it back.

"Nina? Nina, please. This is important," someone asked, holding her shoulders tight, but she wasn't sure who. Everything was growing more and more out of focus, the sound of them drifting apart. "Where are you from? Where are you?"

"I'm.. I'm... from..." She tried complying through the pain and swirling dizziness...

But everything went dark and numb before she could actually finish it.

●
《HOBI P.O.V.》
○

His eyes snapped open, met by a familiar environment and face, although it was still not his studio. It was a hallway, which after a moment he recognized as being the one close to their dance studio. He was sitting down on the floor, Namjoon, Yoongi, and Jin's face all hovering around him with an array of wide, scared and confused expressions as they stared silently at him. There were staff people behind them, all equally muted and wide-eyed.

He gasped as he tried to calm down his breathing, hand unconsciously going toward his chest before he flinched it away not to touch the woman's chest without permission... But he wasn't her anymore. The hand in front of him was his own, the chest below him flat and familiar to the touch and scent, as well as his clothes.

He checked himself, half expecting some part of him still not to be his own... But no, everything was in order. He was back, almost the same as he remembered before his studio disappeared... 

"... Hoseok...?" Jin tried cautiously, his voice was oddly timid to the calling.

The mention brought him out of his frenzied inspection, his attention going back to his brothers who still watched him so silently and careful that he seemed to be about to break at their slightest movement. He nodded, quickly starting to clear up his face and his throat. "H-Hyung... I..."

"You have a Soulmate." Yoongi completed, which made him tense up and stare at him wide-eyed. "We, uh... We know. She was, just... kind of here."

"Did, did you talk to her? Did she say anything?" he asked immediately, his attention renewed. Then, since his voice ended up bogged by sniffles, he paused. If it weren't for the cold sensation across his face, wet to the touch and covering most of his cheeks. Had he been crying? It just struck him, too, that there was a disgusting taste of bile was all across his throat. "Wait, why am I crying?" He frowned, wiping his face and searching their faces for an answer. "Did I puke?"

The three of them exchanged a wary look before shaking their heads. They were all serious, which sent a shiver down Hoseok's spine.

"She wasn't making much sense, it wasn't even English for the most part." Namjoon admitted with a sorrowful, almost apologetical sigh, while Yoongi helped him up. " And... well, she was freaking out. Pretty bad."

"You didn't get anything? At all?"

"I'm sorry... She was genuinely freaking out. As in, uh, full-fledged panic attack freaking out." Jin pitched in when Namjoon's expression fell pale. "It was really freaky to witness, to be honest. Especially considering she looked like you."

"By the time we were able to calm her down enough to talk, she passed out and now you're here."

Hoseok frowned to the new piece of information, confused at first. But then he became more aware of how sore his throat was, and heavy his body felt. He had been running for sure, there were sore spots on his thighs that immediately stung sensitively when he carelessly brushed his hands over it.

"Hyung did manage to ask her name, and where she was from, but..." Yoongi also sighed, his tone sad. "You got back before she could answer the later."

Hoseok couldn't hold back a heavy, hopeless sigh. "I... Hyung, what do I do... I don't..." he stammered, trying to hold back the hectic panic now bubbling like an erupting volcano inside him.

Before he could fully lose it though, Jin set his hands over his shoulders, his eyes determined and serious as they locked to his own.

"Hoseok, Hobi, hey, hey," the eldest cooed gently to him, shushing a few of his sobs and using his sleeve to dry up his face. "I know this is sudden and scary, but you need to focus right now. Okay? You need to help us, there is no time to waste."

"We'll figure it out, don't worry." Yoongi followed to assure him, the matter clearly with no shadow of doubt or other options.

The other two nodded and reassuringly set a hand also on his shoulder, and Hoseok felt immediately some tears of his own making leaking through his expression in a confusing chaos of fear, relief and anxiety.

"Her, her name" Hoseok stammered, recovering his breath for a moment before continuing. "I... I could find any documents, but I found initials and a surname. 'N. B. Montenegro'"

"Her first name is Nina," Yoongi said, and Hoseok's eyes went wide. "She was able to answer us at least that much. That gives us a full name, that's good."

"Ok, now we only need to figure our where. What did you see out there? Where were you?" Namjoon pressed on, following his same line of thought. "What else did you see on your side?"

Shaking off his distress, he told them carefully all he saw. The woman's face, her room, the view out the window, the drawings and their fanart... All he could remember, even some of the loose words he remembered seeing across the medication box by the nightstand. Namjoon quickly typed them out on his phone to try and translate it, while Seokjin took off to find some of their managers and inform them of what was going on.

It didn't take long for the entire Big Hit building to be in an uproar, over half the staff were quickly mobilized to both keep Hoseok as comfortable and still as possible - which apparently helped the withdrawal effects to be delayed, hence and hopefully giving them a broader timespan to locate his mystery lifeline girl.

The other members soon appeared down the building too, being called down by the managers and worriedly surrounding him in hectic attempts to both keep him reassured as much as to help out on their nearly blind search for who Hoseok had parasitically visited.

"It's Portuguese apparently," Namjoon announced after a few moments fiddling with the translator in his phone, eyes still scanning the translation carefully with furrowed brows. "What we heard and what was in the box you saw. That is good, already narrows it down to what... Portugal, Brazil?" he offered, thinking out loud and turning to Yoongi to the last mention. "How many countries speak Portuguese and have such a big gap to Korea's time?"

"Portugal is not that far behind us, the time zone for Europe compared to ours is of around 8 hours difference." Yoongi cleared, shaking his head in denial as he looked through his phone. "It wouldn't be that late down the night if it was there, maybe evening at best."

"Can't be then, the moon was far high in the sky." Hoseok shook his head.

"There is a part of Africa that also speaks Portuguese, no?" Seokjin pointed.

"Africa is right below Europe though, the time there wouldn't be much different from Portugal probably." Jimin pointed, sitting down by the end of the couch where Hoseok was currently lying down amidst all his bandmates.

"Must be Brazil then." Taehyung nodded, his tone sure as he flashed to the others a Naver search on worldwide time zones. "They're 12 hours away from us."

"Makes sense." Namjoon agreed.

Beside the leader though, Jungkook remained silent and Yoongi scratched his cheek uncertain. His thoughts, as much as from all the others, were pretty evident despite neither of them having the courage to voice it.

"That's on the other side of the world though..." Hoseok dreaded and the air around the room grew ten times heavier.

Jimin's hand immediately pat his leg reassuringly, shaking him energetically.

"Ya, planes are fast nowadays and we still got time." He nodded, then turned thoughtfully towards the other two maknaes. "How long did it take last time we've been there? 18, 20 hours? That still gives us a bit over a day to find her."

"28." Jungkook corrected through a low, stiff mumble.

Hoseok's shoulders sunk further into himself, his eyes averting towards the carpet. As he got lost in thought though, Behind them, Taehyung cracked a half laugh. Hoseok frowned at him.

"What's funny?"

"No, nothing is. Sorry." he scratched his neck, clearly shy by his inconvenient timing. "It's just... Knowing your Soulmate is an Army, it... somehow it feels obvious she'd be from Brazil."

The others cracked small smiles and giggles to the thought. And, as much as he still felt more terrified than amused, Hoseok couldn't help but scoff a small laugh as well and nod. Indeed, South America - Brazil especially - seemed to be somewhat his kingdom when it came to Army. It had been always a running joke among them, considering how ridiculously higher his popularity seemed to be around there.

It indeed made sense, but got his stomach even more twisted to the prospect of the days to come. Was he doomed to spend the rest of his days around an Army? Sure, he already did so work-wise, and he definitely loved his fans. But... Some of them were...

"Hey come on, this is all good news! Long trip or not, its still far from the usual deadline," Jin assured him, sending the mood all around them sink further. "And especially if she is an ARMY, that means it'll be a lot easier for her to seek you out on her end."

"I'm not so sure..." Hoseok sighed, sinking into the couch he was laying in.

"Hey, don't be so pessimistic," Namjoon cheered gently, but Hoseok simply shook his head.

"No, it's not that."

All of the staff and men in the room eyed him curiously, before he sighed again and gave it voice.

"I arrived there with eyes closed, laying in a bed.... She was asleep."

"So?" Taehyung asked, still seeming lost.

Beside him, though, Yoongi and Jin's expression became worriedly grim.

"...She is an ARMY. If she was sleeping when it happened, she might end up just think it was a dream." Yoongi explained, as the others turned to him in hope of answers. " It's not unheard of happening with long distance soulmates, and... well, a fan wouldn't exactly find odd to dream about something like this."

Once again, as understanding dawned upon them all, the entire room went back into awkward, heavy silence.

Chapter Text

○

《Nina P.O.V.》

○

Nina gasped back into consciousness with a jolt, her back suddenly aching as her brain scrambled to make sense of her suddenly new surroundings. She gazed around, shoulders already tensing up as she expected to find the stranger's standing all around her...

But...

No one was there.

And there , all of a sudden, was no longer a weird, unfamiliar place. It was her living room. The spot right in front of her desk, the chair she spent most of her day hunched over looming eerily beside her.

The vision of where she thought to be just a second ago still clouded her mind; and, despite how eager she felt to confirm her safety, Nina still shivered as she thought of looking down. Her body stiffening to the prospect of seeing what she remembered, the man's voice she didn't know. The body of the idol she had over in her phone's background... Who she admired so much in so many ways, and yet scared her so dreadfully to feel being.

She closed her eyes first and took a deep breath, bracing herself... but, as soon as she opened them again and turned to her lap, Nina's face crumbled in howling sobs of relief.

Rather than a random stranger's, all she could see below her legs. Her own fat, flaccid and pale female legs, shaking along her haunting relief and the winter-y cold. Nina immediately hugged them tight, squeezing herself in fetal position as her body shook in a numbing wave of confusing emotions: Panic, relief, dread, exhaustion...

That dream had felt so deeply, mind-blowing real... She could still feel it happening. She gripped her chest uncomfortably, breathing in and out to try and brush away the weird hollow sensation she still felt stuck in the back of her chest. It was like there was suddenly an odd hole right behind her heart, or if her heart had randomly shrunken half its size and now had room to spare around it.

A little worried whine brought her back to reality, Bibi coming into focus beside her through the tears. Her eyes watered further and the puppy quickly hopped into her arms as she opened them, nervously licking and snuggling up to her as she always did whenever Nina needed comfort. Nina stayed there, sitting down on the floor with Bibi tightly trapped in her arms, sobbing into her short fur.

A couple minutes later, Nina managed to calm herself down to leave her comfort position and get herself some warm tea. Bibi remained faithfully beside her, big eyes trained on her puffy face as if she knew better than to leave her to her own thoughts. Nina couldn't help but smile and give her some extra snuggles as the water heated up. She had the best animal daughter anyone could ever have.

"This was a bad one, Bibi..." she commented to the pup, scratching the back of her ears and receiving a wave of licks all across her fingers. "Am I a hypocrite fan for it?" She mused, laughing dejectedly at herself as she thought back on it.

With her mug in hand, Nina grabs her charger from the desk and heads back over her bed, Bibi jumping into the bed once she pulled the covers open for her. She takes a long sip and sighs to the warmth, putting it over the nightstand while she sets the charger on the plug by her light and hooks her phone on it.

She snuggles with Bibi under the covers while the device turns on and gets a little minimal charge, before sitting up and arranging the covers to burrito around both of them in a way Bibi can be comfortably on her lap and she use her phone and mug.

Once done, she sips on her tea once more before breathing in and checking her phone, scrolling through the notifications.  

Nina: you there?

Raquel: Yes ma'am ~ Why you up so late?

Nina: I dreamed I was Hobi’s soulmate

Raquel: OOOOO

Raquel: Surprises me it wasn’t mr. mochi man  ~ Is his bias position finally being stolen?

Nina: Nope, I shall never Jim-out

Nina: I am a loyal stan, unlike SOME people

Raquel: Boohooo, OT7 life is so much better >:3 So much love to give, so little time… 

Raquel: So? how did it go?

Raquel: woke up to clean your panties? *side-eyes emoji *

Nina: ew, perv haha

Raquel: oh don't lie you took after me and I know <v<

Raquel: it's not been that long since  we shared a room hahaha

Nina: gosh I wish we still did

Raquel: ?

Raquel: Whats up love?

Nina: ….. uh… 

Nina: …. Flashback… :,(

Raquel: Oh no

Raquel: Are you ok?

Raquel: Need me to come over?

Nina: no it's ok

Nina: I'll be fine

Nina: it's been a while since your last date night, you deserve it

Nina: Having Bibi snuggles and tea rn

Raquel : oh shush you, you're my sister family come before any man

Nina: *purple heart *

Nina: seriously though, it's fine

Nina: the worse has passed, just exhausted now

Nina: waiting to get sleepy

Raquel: was it because of the dream? What happened in it?

Nina: kinda… happened during it…. ironic huh? :,)

Raquel: Wanna vent it out at least? <3 *purple heart *

Nina: I woke up in his studio, Jin and yoongi were there too, and other people…. It felt so real… 

Nina: You’d think it’d be nice, especially after so much insomnia

Nina: Yet 

Nina: Even being BTS... Feeling a, uh… guy’s, you know... between my legs... got me all the way back into that afternoon and nearly puking my guts out over everyone… haha… 

Nina: And, well, that aside… just thinking of /ME/ as a soulmate to him… Even if it was anyone else, actually, that famous and important... The idea of them stuck with someone like me for a soulmate is aljsohdqephqh :(

Nina: No, thank you

Nina: None of them deserves that kind of set back... Especially not Hobi 

Raquel: Stop that

Raquel: I’m so sorry it triggered you bb, but they’d be lucky to have you by them <3 Don’t let your mind say otherwise

Raquel: Nina, you have grown so so much already... you’d not be a set back in any way, mental health is not scientifically comproved to affect both parties in a soulmate bond. And even if it does, who fucking cares? You’re a gem, and I'll personally kick the ass of anyone who dares say otherwise. Even BTS.

Nina: Eh… Not comproved, but very common regardless

Nina: And even beyond that... Can you imagine? Me? Close to THAT much spotlight?

Nina: I freeze up even just having family parties... Even for BTS, honestly I don't think I could handle

Nina: *shuddering sticker*

Raquel: *bearhug hug gif*

Raquel: Hold up a little bit, I'll be there in five

Nina: *love sticker*

Nina: Seriously, it's fine

Nina: venting it up already helped. Gonna try and sleep it off now

Nina: Haven’t cried this much in so long haha that felt nice at least, think I was needing it

Nina: Thank you tho <3 *purple heart * Love you tons, send hi to Be for me.

Raquel: You sure?

Nina: Mhm

Nina: Still kinda dizzy from panic, so its hard to keep focus Anyway

Nina: I’ll turn on some gameplay videos and let my brain tune out for a bit

Raquel: ugh… you better call if anything happens again or I swear I'll give you an earful >:c

Nina: aye aye, promise

Nina: I swear

Raquel: sleep well, I'll stop by tomorrow after work, ok? Seriously, if you dont feel better I don't care, call me

Raquel: I'll come over, dont shut yourself out again…

Nina: I won't, I promised I wouldn't and I am keeping my word ♡ honestly just needing some sleep rn

Nina: Doctor marathon tomorrow then?

Raquel: Hell yes, it's a date

Raquel: Night night ♡

Nina sighed as she set the phone back over her nightstand. She tuned Youtube up, leaving the autoplay go on while she cuddled Bibi closer and sipped up on her tea, barely registering the imagery showing across the videos. It took a while, but, as usual, the tactic worked; at some point once she had finally finished up her tea, Nina fell asleep. And this time, no odd dreams or memories came.

Through the morning when she woke up, Bibi was already nowhere to be seen; Nina didn't worry though, she could hear her toys' squeaks in the living room as usual. Nina stretched, checking her phone for the time before sinking back in the covers a little while more. A peaceful sleep, especially after a long while not managing so, usually felt revigorating... But still, her heart burned uncomfortably to each beat and her head felt somewhat foggy. The exhaustion was lessened, but its effects were clearly there, despite having slept over 7 hours. 

Picking up her glasses she got dressed sluggishly and immediately took up her pills, hoping a meal and kick starting her day could trick her brain into getting over the leftover strain from the nightmare. For the most part, as she had her coffee and worked on her commissions throughout the afternoon, the workaholic impulse won over her physical state... But as the hours passed on, Nina grew more and more wary of the way her heart would not stop kicking her ribs, slow but painfully, and the way her breath was starting to stop going every now and then. The software menu and her typed content were also starting to jumble up... 

Once the more urgent pieces were decently finalized and sent, Nina took a break and immediately took off her glasses, closing her eyes and laying by the couch in the hopes it would help. Bibi eagerly taking the chance for some afternoon snuggles and climbing up the couch beside her, and Nina set some calming ambiance and tried focusing on her usual breathing exercises and calm down, walking through her panic attack reassurance steps in her mind as always. It took longer than usual, and for once wasn't enough to get rid of it fully, but at least the visual dizziness seemed a little more manageable.

Nearly an hour later, after zoning out while snuggling bibi for a bit, she sat up and put on her glasses again. The motion nearly made her nauseous. The room spun and twisted for a moment before it settled back down. She tensed up, taking slow, deep breaths. Her chest was still hurting, now even more than before. Her breathing was only normal if she actually focused on keeping it so. Her arms, legs and her head felt like they weighted a thousand tons... 

Without moving her head around again she tapped around the couch until the finally found her phone, hitting the speed dial and supporting her head against it as the calling tune rang against her ear.

"Hello, Dr.?" she greeted once her therapist's voice came about on the other end. "Would you have some free time today?"

"Did anything happen?" her voice sounded worried, most likely due to Nina's tone still feeling kinda out of breath against her will.

"Uh, sorta." Nina sighed, feeling guilty for her lack of conviction. Sure, she knew it was the woman's job and all to help her in times like this, but after so long in treatment needing an emergency appointment over something as vague as a nightmare felt downright embarrassing. "I had a flashback through a bad nightmare, still can't seem to shake myself out of it..."

"Sure, come around at later today. I think I have an opening at 6," she offered gently, "Would you like to tell me a bit about it now, to ease things down? It's been awhile since you had this kind of episode..."

"Yeah, sorry I..." Nina sighed again, stopping herself. "I don't really get it myself. Sure, it felt very real but, honestly it was kinda silly..."

"I don't think silly is a good word to use, you don't sound like it was so..."

"Uh, I had this dream about having a soulmate," she confessed, rubbing her eyes from under her glasses, "He, it was a famous person I like... And... Uh, feeling his, you know... on me... plus there were so many people around me, looking at me, some famous too... I, it was..."

Nina shivered to her own words, her voice shutting down into a whisper with each added detail, her lack of breath and the stinging ache in her chest returning so heavily she forced herself to stop. Luckily though, the message seemed to have gone through, as she heard the Dr.'s voice humm in understanding to each bit of it.

"Nina, now ,I don't want to scare you. But... Are you sure it was a dream?" she asked promptly, her tone still calm but baring renewed urgency. The thought sent a shiver down Nina's spine, her aching heart throbbing now hard enough to make her gasp lightly.

"I... I don't, I..." she stuttered, her shaking now heavier.

Be it from exhaustion or her focus on not thinking of it, but the idea of how easily the symptoms of her panic attacks indeed sounded like the ones she remember being taught about the soulmate bonds had honestly not hit her until then. But it made sense. The way so much in that 'dream' felt so real and vivid, the way her heart was still slow and easing down through the day, despite how it still hurt like if it had been racing through all this time, the way breathing and focusing was slowly becoming harder and harder as the day moved by...

No.

No, no, no, NO....

Her eyes immediately went first to the colorful dusk sky she could see out her window, then to the clock in her phone. 6pm.... how was it already 6pm?! How long had she actually laid down for? had she passed out?

That did not help her at all feel any better.

"Nina? Honey, it's ok, breathe. I'm here with you. Just breathe." the Dr. cooed through the phone, her tone soft. "I know it's scary, and I am not saying it wasn't just a dream. I can be. But to be safe, let's try to make sure, ok? Can you do that for me?"

"Uh-huh," Nina managed to breathe out, gulping down the panicked urge to bend down and puke and trying to breathe a bit more once again before managing to gather enough strength to ask out. "H... H-how?"

"Look around. Can you try searching up where you woke up?" she offered slowly, "Go slowly, take your time. Try to see if anything seems out of place, anything at all."

 Nina closed her eyes, at first catching her breath before trying looking around the floor around her. There was nothing out of the ordinary there, even close to where she recalled waking up, so she moved closer, up to her desk. Her mess of sketches and half done fanart and commissions was in full display, right beside the usual workspace chaos she had just been working over. Nina scanned her pieces more closely, trying to find… well, she wasn't sure actually. 

The memory of the dream got in her way and her eyes unconsciously followed to her fanarts. You're Hoseok. J-Hope. Yoongi voice echoed across her mind, Nina's heart squeezing with dread to the thought. Her eyes strayed towards the face studies she had done of him a few days ago all over her sketchbook. But she frowned, stepping a little closer. It looked like a hurried note… but... She didn't remember writing on it.

Her head spun as a wave of panicked dizziness struck her, eyes going wide and a chill slipping through her spine. 

That wasn't her handwriting.

"Nina?" The Dr.'s voice echoed somewhere on her side, snapping her slightly out of her stupor. She gasped, not sure when she had held her breath. Her field of vision was suddenly all wobbly. "Honey, breathe. Did you find anything?"

"...I…. Ah…" Nina wanted to answer, wanted to comply, but all she could manage was to shake out her head and step away from the open pages. Staring at the scribble as if it was some sort of cursed sign or snake ready to jump down towards her. 

Her shallow attempts at catching her breath were shaky and whiney, the sound pitiful even to her own ears. She shut her eyes, trying to ease down her mind. Clear her heart. Nina didn't remember much about soul bond rules but even she could tell if this panic kept up it would be no good… she could feel it , her heart's struggling ache to work, how the room around her was fogging up and twisting way beyond what her tears could ever do, and she could no longer feel her feet. 

Vaguely, somewhere behind her, she heard Bibi's bark and a click of metal against wood. The opening of her front door. She turned, as carefully as she could gather herself to be, in time to see her sister walking in with a big smile. Bags of food and a long bottle she couldn't identify anymore on her arms, shouting something muffled that sounded much farther than she could see. 

Something shattered against the floor, and Raquel's pale, terrified expression as she ran towards her was the last thing Nina saw before her legs and mind gave out.

○

《HOBI P.O.V.》

○

Getting on a plane had always been somewhat of a hassle, considering their career and even more their status, at least in this last couple years. That one specifically, however, had been the absolute worst experience of the sort that Hoseok had ever experience in his life. He had started to feel his breathing waver by the time the management team and the members, aligning all he knew and they had seen of his soulmate’s visit, decided that heading towards the Americas in advance was their best bet. Then, two hours later, they managed to settle up the emergency flight for Hoseok and some of the managers; however, as soon as he got out of the couch he had been laying on for the last few hours, his feet wavered. 

Moving to the vans should be done inconspicuously, but just in case his managers had a wheelchair ready for him on the other end of the line as they speed through traffic into the airport. Hoseok wasn’t sure how to feel or think about it, the prospect of his new, sudden situation was turning more and more nightmarish by the second. He had never needed a wheelchair before, why would he now? After all despite some discomfort in his chest and feeling lightheaded, he felt ok enough. Fatigued, but nothing unlike his usual state after concerts. 

When they parked on the usual side entrance of the airport though, already waited to be escorted in despite no fans or reporters seeming to be on sight, Hoseok’s legs wavered down and gave out as soon as he prompted himself forward to get out of the van. 

“Whoa! Easy there, got you.”a small but bulky man hurried over when his body started falling down, steady arms grabbing him from somewhere Hoseok wasn’t really sure where. His vision was blurry, head spinning lightly. His heart was giving small jumps in, like he had just tried rushing through a small marathon. What the hell?

They set him down on the wheel chair soon after, despite his sight soon recovering and his protests about being safe to walk. Any effort spared is a few minutes won, manager explained, in between discussing medical and legal topics with two gentleman in suits Hoseok had never seen before. Government officials, he presumed. Namjoon mentioned they would likely meet someone from the SBC - Soul Bond Care on the way, now that his awakening had happened. They’d guide them and help on locating and making sure he had the best odds to meet his soulmate in due time. 

Which, especially as he felt his heart punch holes through his lungs, was definitely a relieving sight. 

He shuffled uncomfortably as they moved quickly through the airport hallways, some flight attendants and other staff or passengers glancing at the comitive following him with curious looks.  What was it all gonna be like now? His routine and personal life was already a mess thanks to his career as it was, could he really handle it all being turned upside down like that now? To have a clutch he needed to lean on now and forever, when he barely had time being independent to keep his work on the level he was proud of? What would their fans think of his health and safety being tied to someone else that wasn’t them; worse, even, to a female fan? What would his family think of it?

Oh, crap. HIS FAMILY.

He still had to tell his family. 

He clutched to his face and let out a heavy sigh, rubbing his temples. How could it have possibly escaped him until now? The face of his sister and his parents flashed before his eyes, and the weight in his chest doubled. He was barely even sure of where his soulmate was right now, let alone if they’d reach her in time… Was this a stressful journey he would rather spare them of, or a death sentence he’d rather not spend alone? He wasn’t sure. He didn’t even know if he wanted to be sure… Right then and there, Hoseok had definitely never wanted, needed, them there by his side so much in all his life. 

His eyes turned back up to check how far they were inside, despair choking him. They were already nearly reaching the security check before boarding the plane… if he wanted to call anyone up, it had to be now. Who should it be though? 

Taking a deep breath, Hoseok tried considering what they’d think or do… But it wasn’t very comforting. His parents would freak out for sure, both for his safety as much as for being so far away at the moment to even dream of getting there in time. His sister would likely be a little calmer, and would try to follow him down there for sure. But... 

His eyes turned to the man in a tuxedo that was still following suit beside them, warily, and the young man smiled at him cordially.“Hoseok-ssi, right? Nice to meet you. I am Jae Yunsoo, from the SBC. I will be assisting you on your search.”

The man directed him a small bow, which he returned mechanically. 

“Do you have any news of her?”Hoseok asked, shyly. Somewhat, the words still felt weird in his mouth. 

“Your management team filled me in on your descriptions and their own, but nothing clear yet, no. My team is looking into it though,” Yunsoo assured him with professional ease; his tone apologetically for the negative news, but carefully optimistic as well. His confident calm unshaken, which was reassuring.“The plane we’re taking has clear instructions to avoid any detours, and should give us a safe timespan to work with the chance of your soulmate not to being in Brazil too.”

Hoseok nodded at his instructions, thoughtful. They all walked on silence for a while longer, before Yunsoo turned to him once more with a caring smile.“Your odds are not so bad, Hoseok-ssi. Don’t look so gloomy. I’ve helped cases with worse gaps, believe me. You did well with all you figured out, I’m sure we can make it.”

“Worse?” Hoseok gaped, wide-eyed. “Really?”

Yunsoo chuckled through a nod.“Less than 13 hours left, indonesian immigrant and an ecologist deployed in the south pole.”

Hoseok was sure he even heard some of the security guards around him gasp under their breaths. The idea sent a cold shiver run down his spine to the prospect. 

“Whoa, seriously?”the manager wheeling Hoseok forward gaped, stunned. “Did they make it?”

“Mhm!”the man hummed with a smile.“Both are partners now in a pretty successful socio-cultural research team for the UN, I hear. So trust me, if they made it I’m pretty sure you can too.”

The tale seemed too far fetched, but the man’s relaxed confidence through telling it did manage to get Hoseok’s pulse down. He forced out a small smile and nodded at him, sighing in relief. “Thank you. If i can help...”

They briefly talked through the details of their body exchange, a second figure emerging by the wheelchair close to Hoseok midway to check his pulse; a doctor, dressed in a pale gray attire. He frowned at the elder woman, awkwardly greeting the stranger despite confused, before Yunsoo explained that korean protocol demanded that a trained physician accompany long distance soulmates  to assist in delaying bond effects. 

As they stopped by security one last time and crossed into the bridge into the small framed plane, which would harbor exclusively the management team and the SBC agents and himself, Yunsoo set a hand on his shoulder. 

“Is there anyone you’d like me to notify about this? Your family, a spouse? Friend?”He politely offered, his eyes genuine in their sympathy. “You can bring someone of your trust, if you’d feel more assured with it.”

His sister’s face flashed once more into his mind, along with the member’s protests about letting him go all on his own. Hoseok’s eyes fell on his phone, which had been idly on his hands since the thought of his family first occurred to him, thoughtful.

“You really think we can make it?”Hoseok asked the man, somber. 

The agent looked him straight in the eye, smiled, and nodded. “Positive.”

Hoseok searched his eyes for a ruse, a crack in a forceful facade of trustworthiness and confidence, like so many people used whenever treating with him and the rest of the members. But as much as he looked, Hoseok saw nothing. Just patience, peace of mind, and willpower in his vow. The expression of someone who loved his job, and took his duty and calling as seriously as his own life. It was poetic, almost. He understood that feeling. He felt the same in his own when it came to music and the messages they passed with it, and saw it often as well, in the eyes and words of his bandmates. 

“Then… No. Better not.” He breathed out at last. 

Yunsoo pat his shoulder one last time and they boarded the plane, the engine already roaring with life as the doors closed behind them. Hoseok's head was messy enough without this parent's reactions to be worried about, he would rather not scare them without absolutely needing to. Maybe on the plane, during the flight. If the members had not already done so or the company, that is.

The manager helped him up so he could strap into one of the seats. The plane was oddly empty, the steats spread out kinda like a private jet, except one of them was slightly more reclined and comfortable-looking, with medical monitors and gadgets he couldn't recognize all around him. Naturally, the manager guided him to the deluxe dentist chair and Hoseok sighed as he strapped his seat belts, eyeing the medical things around him uncomfortably. 

The doctor woman sat on the humble seat beside him, and hooked him up to the equipment carefully once the plane had taken off and felt more stable. In a couple minutes time, the screen showed his heartbeat and other data in numbers and technical words. For a while they talked and even laughed a bit as the flight set a proper course, his managers and the doctor doing their best ot keep him distracted while Yunsoo stayed over at a seat close to the pilot's cabin and frantically worked on his computer and phone. 

Minutes became hours, and although for a while of it Hoseok felt himself calm down and almost forget the severity of what was going on, his body soon began to grimly remind him. Little by little, small coughs broke out of him in between sentences, then some dizziness kept making him ask the other to repeat what they had said to him over and over again. His body felt heavy, like bricks were being slowly placed over his lap and limbs, even though he was not moving much beyond his mouth so far. Then, the coughing became more pronounced, and every breath started to feel a little more uncomfortable than natural to draw in. 

The doctor refrained them from continuing to chat any further then, suggesting Hoseok to try and get some rest and spare his strenght. He didn't need to ask how bad that meant things were. He could feel it, and it had also not escaped him how the sound of his heartbeat in the monitor was now half the speed it had been when they boarded the plane. Even his rising panic didn't seem to speed it up back to normal. 

A dark, grim sort of feeling was starting to settle in his chest, constricting his throat against the silence of the plane, when then…

"We found her." Yunsoo suddenly exclaimed, bursting into the common room with an urgent grin. 

Hoseok pretty much gave himself a whiplash with how quickly he tensed and shot himself up, but the rushed movement made the entire world swirl and go dark with dizziness. The doctor steadied him so he didn't fall, trying to get him down again but he held his ground, stubborn. 

"Really?!" His manager beamed somewhere beside him, the doctor beside him breathing a quiet, relieved chuckle to his enthusiasm. 

When Hoseok's sight focused once more, Yunsoo was nodding triumphantly to him with a clear told you so beaming through his eyes. 

"She's in a hospital in the south of Brazil, the pilot is already correcting the course towards it." The agent informed, somber. "Shouldn't take more than a couple more hours now."

Hoseok slumped back into the seat and burst into tears, a mix of relief, despair and numbness taking over him as he gasped for air through his choked sobs and coughs, which all of them just let him let out without judgement. 

"Thank you, thank you…" he breathed out to him, or at least tried. It made him shiver how hoarse and weak his voice actually seemed by then. He had been talking normally just a couple hours ago… 

He felt his manager's hand pat his knee softly, and the doctor lady put an arm gently around his shoulder as he cried, both uttering to him comforting, hopeful words that got lost as his conscience, maybe out of relief, slipped out of his grasp. 

Hoseok wasn't sure how long he slept, but it was surely a long time. His mind kept wavering back and forth between reality and hollow slumber, the weight all across his body now feeling a lot worse. It was like his bones were turning into the heaviest, sturdiest type of stones. He could barely feel them, and soon the sensation started spreading further into his hips and shoulders.

At some point down the road, a hard plastic mask had appeared against his face, pumping to him the air he felt too weak to move in and out of himself. It was all very weird, so numb and eerie but oddly calm as well, like a very creepy, comforting dream. Even though he knew very well he was awake. 

... And very likely dying.

He partially woke up again when the plane's engine suddenly went quiet, she vague color of the sky he had been watching outside now a few shades too dark. His body was completely out of his reach by then, and the beeping of the monitors was barely audible in the distance. Hands unhooked and re-hooked him into a stretch he wasn't sure where it came from, different faces and shapes roaming in slow motion all around him. Hoseok could hear, feel every aching beat of his heart thundering across his skull, the organ sending jolts of pain to each pump in its weak effort to keep him going. 

"Is this normal?" 

He heard his manager asking at some point, voicing out his own concern. There was silence for a bit, or maybe he fell back asleep. But, after awhile, the voice of the doctor rose up in a quiet tone.  

"It's not him." The woman sighed, adjusting something in his arm. "The soulmate is not taking the strain very well, and that's draining him down faster than expected." 

"What?!" 

"It happens sometimes, when one of the mates has weaker health." "We're doing what we can along with the brazilian team on land. I promise." 

The worry in his manager's voice was touching. It reminded Hoseok of his father, which made tears well up in his eyes. Was he really… going to die all alone, in a plane in the middle of nowhere? His eyes fell closed once more, dancing behind his eyelids along with the memories of everyone he loved. All the people he wished were there with him then. His family, and his brother… 

Crap . I should've called… a part of Hoseok grimaced to himself, tears escaping him once more.

Their voices continued to echoe distantly, no longer distinguishable, arguing and mumbling around him as the moved him around. Hoseok tried his best to hold on to them, to try and stay in reality, to stay awake, but he could only grasp some bits and pieces of what they discussed as the air and light around him suddenly felt much colder and darker. Where they out of the plane now? He peeked his eyes open, but closed them soon after. There was little over a colorless blur around him, and that prospect felt scarier than the darkness.  

"...just a little…"

"...giving in… too fast…"

"She… mental health…"

"...not certain…"

The words nudged his memory, as the external world grew further out of reach. It wasn't very specific, but he did recall something about mental health affecting soul bonds being talked over in middle school. What was it… something about existing a link between the physical heart and the emotional health of Soulmates? That wasn't very reassuring… Was his body reacting poorly, because his soulmate was in an unhealthy emotional state? It made sense, now thinking further on it. Her unkempt state, the messy state of her apartment... What had Namjoon said about the medication he had seen by the night stand? Antidepressant?

Hah… Just his luck.

"We're almost there. Hold on, ok? Just a little longer..." Yunsoo's voice echoed somewhere, along with a warm pressure by his arm. Or shoulder. It all seemed like the same vague area at that point, which didn't help him feel any calmer. "I promised I'll get you there safely, and I will." 

Hoseok tried breathing in again, but air didn't seem to follow through this time. The noise started quieting down, voices and metal rattle and stretch wheels against pavement all muffled down into the numbing darkness that was swallowing him. 

The last thing he grasped of reality was a faint recollection of a second set of beeps echoing closer, drawing near, thumping in nearly perfect sync with the one hooked to his own arm. It's rhythm melted into his own, and soon felt like the same sound, just a part of his own heart beating louder. 

But Hoseok faded out into unconsciousness before he could process the idea any further. 

Chapter Text

●

《HOBI P.O.V.》

○

The first thing that came back to him was the beeping. A slow, steady mechanical beeping, mimicking the beats Hoseok was sure had stopped. Weird… Was he dreaming? Or was this how death worked? Hoseok had better things he'd like to be remembering, if that was the case...

Before he could question it further though, other things started coming back. The relaxed up and down of his own breathing, the weight of his limbs…

And… something else.

Some sort of… Well, he wasn't sure actually. Presence? Scent? Warmth? It was hard to define, but it lingered across Hoseok's side and drew him in. It felt cozy, relieving… Like the the comfort of his childhood bed did when he had the rare chance to sleep at his family's home, or the relaxed sort of relief he got while spending the day in his sister’s place; just laughing, chatting and hanging out. Being just the ordinary, unimpressive old Hoseok, rather than J-Hope.

It felt very comfortable and familiar, but… in a way, oddly foreign too. Like an old feeling or memory he knew belonged to him, but couldn't exactly remember properly. What was it? Curiosity urged him to check, but his eyelids stayed still. His entire body still felt lazy, floating… Too asleep still to properly react to his mind's command.

Hoseok sighed, frustrated. When he did though, a voice he didn’t recognize mumbled something into the distance. It was a woman, speaking a foreign language. He frowned, and steps echoed around Hoseok; some drawing close, some moving away.

"Nurse! Nurse, I think he is moving." he knew this voice, and it almost made him smile. His manager, his tone just as paternal as he recalled being in the plane.

Tears bubbled out of his eyes, and Hoseok felt himself shuddering in a wave of mixed emotions. Surprise, recollection, awestrucking relief… Right. He remembered now.

The soulmate. The bodyswap. The panic, the plane ride…

He… Had survived then?

He was alive? Recovering?

The thought seemed to sharpen his senses a little more, for the beeping in the back of his mind was now louder, and clearly doubled. Two sets of beeps, flaring in the exact same rhythm. In perfect sync with the still slow, yet definitely steady heartbeat he could feel pulsating in the back of his throat.

"Hoseok? Hoseok-ah," his mom’s voice echoed somewhere to his right.

The shock made him freeze, and for a moment, Hoseok simply dismissed it. He figured he was still half-dreaming, lulled into a numbing sense of relief and relaxation, by that odd, familiar sensation… Maybe it was bringing back comforting memories, to try and ease down his rising panic... But then, it happened again.

“Hoseok, it’s mom. Dad too, we’re here.” The sound was closer now, and made his heart clench in hope and shock. Wait, really? But… How? He hadn’t called, he… Was that soft presence Hoseok wanted more of, his parents? No, that didn’t seem right… As dizzy and numb as his mind still felt, he was sure the sound was coming from the opposite direction, the weird warmth drowning him felt stronger to his left...

The steps from earlier echoed clearer, and something clung to his right hand. "Son, please." she spoke again, even closer now. "Wake up sweetie."

That sent a jolt of urgency coursing through him, and tears welled up in his eyes. Hoseok’s imagination was NOT that good. With some effort he managed to prompt his eyes open, the brightness making him need to blink a couple times before the world actually came into view. At first, it seemed mostly blurry, but his tears only worsened as his mother’s face came info view, eyes puffed up and a worried frown that didn’t suit her face.

"Mom?"

They both started crying almost immediately.

An arm rose over her shoulder soon after, followed by a second familiar face: his father. He wanted to jump up and hug them, but all he managed was to lean towards them and raise his hand, which his dad grabbed shakily. His chest heaved up and down, and the beeping around him sped up frantically as Hoseok’s sobs wailed out. His mom leaned over the bed, arms flinging around him in a tight hug as they both cried.

It was when he melted into the warm embrace and tried wrapping his arms around her shoulders that he realized something tight clinging to his left arm and leg, keeping him in place. He frowned through his cry, shifting uncomfortably as he tried breaking free. It made his mom back out.

"No, no, don’t move honey." she sniffled, hurriedly pulling him down and setting a hand over his tied up arm. When his eyebrow frowned, scared, she cupped his cheek with a gentle, comforting smile. “It’s ok, it’s only there to help you not move away while you slept.”

"Everything is fine, save your strength." his dad added up, gripping his right hand tighter.

Their words made no sense, until he looked around. That’s when it finally hit him: he was leaning against another body. Hoseok flinched, impulsively trying to scooch away, but his limbs didn’t budge. There were firm straps across his left forearm, hand and knee, literally tying the left side of his body to the right side of someone else.

Hoseok’s heart jumped and his face grew pale when he looked up to them, and finally noticed the woman he was laying down beside in a flimsy hospital sleeveless gown.

The green haired, pale woman he had seen in the mirror…

His Soulmate. ‘Nina’.

Or, well, so he guessed. Without the glasses, and the amount of wires plus a big oxygen mask covering her face, she was barely recognizable. The woman looked way, way paler than before, her facial features way softer and weaker than the frowning, tense face he remembered. Laying motionless like that, unconscious beside him, she pretty much looked like a corpse.

He stared at her dumbfounded, a uncomfortable understanding downing on him as he gazed up at her then at their joined, naked limbs. The feeling he had been drawn to in his sleep, the familiar, comfortable warmth that lulled him… It was still there. Coming from her, pouring into him in waves through his hand and leg.

He blushed, unsure of how to take that sudden realization. Was this the bond? It was strange, disconcerting… to feel like that from a complete stranger. Sure, Hoseok was a friendly guy, but even he had never been that people-oriented. But, undoubtedly, there it was: despite the deep, terrifying panic his rational side sent down his spine trying to accept it... A mind numbing sort pull, relieving and inviting, just like the hold of his parents to his right hand. The sensation of her skin against his felt just as natural, safe… Like it was just another part of him.

That made his entire situation way more real then he was ready to process, and apparently his expression, as always, had betrayed his panicked meltdown. "Honey, honey… It’s ok. It’s gonna be alright." His mother cooed, bringing his attention back to herself. "You’re safe, and we’re here with you. We’ll figure it all out, ok?"

She was still crying, but there was a strong, calm smile in her expression now. The one that had always anchored him to safety, every time his insecurities creeped in through his teens. Hoseok couldn’t help but sob down again, some relief managing to break through his aching confusion to her words.

"That’s right, and not just us." His father smiled, trying to hide a sniffle of his own through a small chuckle as he pointed out the door behind him. "The boys are all outside, too. They’re very worried about you."

"Why didn’t you call us sooner?" His mom whined, gripping his arm worriedly, her other hand softly swiping over his hair. The hurt in her tone was heartbreaking.

Hoseok gulped, eyes looking away in shame. "Sorry, I…Sorry..." he sniffled out, not managing to think of an actual reason. Now that it all had passed the way it had, indeed he felt stupid not to have.

Before he could try to think of it more, though, the door behind his parents opened and a doctor and two nurses came in. One of them went over to the other side of the bed, while the second one continued by the doctor’s side. The physician was a tall man of tan skin and a warm, friendly smile. He greeted them with words Hoseok couldn’t understand, then turned to the small framed nurse by him.

"It’s nice to see you woke up. The doctor wants to know how you feel," the nurse translated, in a cute, heavy accented korean. She didn’t look asian, which made the language him him as a bit of a surprise. "Dr. Marcel is the physician assigned to both of you, he is our local specialist on soul bonds and has been taking care of Miss Nina before you arrived."

To the mention of the woman, Hoseok’s shifted uncomfortably again and risked a wary gaze towards her, observing how the other nurse checked the wires and IV’s hooked to his ‘soulmate’ almost mechanically.

"Is she ok?" he asked the doctor, although shifted his eyes to the nurse once he remembered he was unlikely to understand what he was saying. "What happened?"

The doctor nodded quickly to the question after the nurse translated dutifully, his smile slightly smaller as some stern professionalism kicked into his expression. He didn’t look much older then 34 as he came in, but without the smile his expression suddenly seemed to have aged a couple years.

"Miss Montenegro has taken a heavier toll with the soul bond due to her mental health, but she is recovering steadily." the nurse passed on the doctor’s explanation carefully. "Her vitals are rising well since you arrived, so it shouldn’t take much longer before she wakes up too."

Hoseok frowned to the words mental health coming up once again, the hand over his own that she held suddenly seeming heavy. "Uhm, sorry but… Why is that relevant?"

The doctor gazed aside to somewhere beside the bed with a concerned look. That was when he noticed a new figure in the other side of the room, sitting by his soulmate's side with her head hung low. It was a woman, a little younger than the doctor. She had a long wavy dark hair tied in a messy ponytail, and a smooth rosy-colored skin tinted with gray freckles. It wasn’t hard to figure she was related to the unconscious woman beside him. Her eyes were of a light shade of brown, just like what Hoseok remembered of Nina, and there was some undeniable resemblance between their long oblong faces and big, doe-like droopy eyes. The exhausted, broken expression they had right now also reminded him of the dark eyebags he had seen in the mirror back then, although he felt oddly rude for thinking so.

"Raquel ssi is your soulmate's sister," Hoseok's father tipped in quietly, a hand on his shoulder while his mom strode off into some other side of the wide room. "She has been here with the two of you since far before we arrived."

The woman looked up to the mention of her name, at first to his dad then to Hoseok himself. Her eyes looked tired, a dark conflicting expression clouding them despite the small nod and smile she politely offered him. He returned, unsure of what else to do. What was the etiquette to family of your soulmate, or even to them? Warm, welcoming? Formal and polite? The thought had never quite occurred him, but he still felt as stiff and awkward as if he had suddenly been forced to meet the parents of a girlfriend he didn't even know he had.

"N-nice to meet you," he risked shyly, in english, trying to ignore the slight reluctance that escaped him.

Luckily for him though, she ignored it too, sighing with an equally unprepared expression as she shifted in her seat and nodded once more.

"Nice to meet you too," she replied, in a broken accent.

Her voice was motherly, caring, but sounded just as drained as she looked. there was also a hint of bitterness on it, although he supposed it was understandable. In a way, her sister was in that state because of him… Even if he was the same way only because of her.

The doctor waited for them to finish their little exchange, still watching the woman carefully and asking her something in their mother language. The woman, Raquel, at first stared at the doctor and at them thoughtfully, almost tense, before sighing heavily and nodding in consent. Only then Dr. Marcel started to explain, with the nurse filling Hoseok and his parents in with her Korean when the doctor took small pauses.

"Soulmate bonds are not a precise science, so there is little yet known as to the exact why these things happen the way they do. But it has been observed over the years that some soulmates who suffer from emotional/mental disorders tend to have more severe reactions to their bond than regular people."They explained in the odd in-turns way his foreign interviews would often go. "They are more dependent on them physically too, and sometimes even seem capable of emotional exchange with their mates."

They both spoke very calmly despite the terrified and confused expression in Hoseok’s face, pointing towards the unconscious female by his side. Holding his arm and hand his parents were silent, seeming unbothered but with a slight tension to their stance. They had heard this before, clearly. And it wasn't good news.

"But, uh..." Hoseok started, at first worried but then ashamed as he peeked to Raquel self consciously. She stared at him stiffly, her eyes heavy with judgement, but apparently resigned to her uncomfortable silence. The woman simply shrugged before turning her gaze back to her sister, urging him to ask away. "S-sorry, but… What does she…?"

Dr. Marcel also seemed slightly uncomfortable with the break of confidentiality of his patient, but after another careful look to his soulmate’s sister, he continued regardless. Hoseok felt even guiltier now for asking, but if it was her health his life was depending on, so was his entire routine and career... As well as the careers of his brother. He couldn't not know what waited ahead of him, for all of their sakes.

"...Miss Montenegro has a long history of severe depression and social anxiety, in connection to BPD; it stands to Borderline Personality Disorder, which is an emotional dysregulation disorder." The doctor and nurse disclosed, the nurse eyeing his sleeping soulmate with a thoughtful expression. "She had quite a few intense panic episodes since she was interned here, which made her decay faster and heavier than yours. So some delay on her recovery in comparison to yours is perfectly normal."

Hoseok was silent as he let the doctor's words sink in, slightly dazed. He nodded in consent when the nurse relayed reassuring messages and the Doctor's request to give him a check up. Trying to ignore just how heavy and dreadful the flacid sensation of her hand against his suddenly became, as those words and their exact meaning started properly settling in in his head.

"Will that affect me physically?" Hoseok asked after a while, but when Dr. Marcel and the nurse stared at him blankly, he continued on. “Uh, in the future. Her… emotional condition?”

"Oh… Well, it's unclear for now, but it might. Your condition did seem to worsen a little faster than usual, but not nearly as heavily as hers." Dr. Marcel sighed, noting something down on the promptuary by his side of the oddly large bed. "Don't worry though, you guys' resistance to the bond’s withdrawal effects can be improved with the right physical therapy and emotional support system in place.”

“That’s right. It’s not important now, dear.” His mom approached again, smiling gently and brushing some hair off his forehead, her other hand on his shoulder.

“Your parents and management team already walked me through your professional situation, and they have all my most trusted references about it.” The doctor pat his leg with a comforting smile, waiting for the translation to go through before continuing. “So, for now, just rest. It’ll all be ok."

Their reassurance though, for the first time in his life, was not enough to get his mind at ease. He remained quiet the rest of the check up, refraining to the nurse’s questions mindlessly. A few minutes later, while the doctor checked the IV beside him, the door in the bottom of the room opened and his manager came in with a small smile.

“How you feeling, Hoseok?”

He forced out a short chuckle. “I’ve been better.”

The manager let out a relieved sigh, patting his foot.

“It’s nice to see you smile again.” he confessed. “You got us all really scared for a while, you know?”

“Sorry...”he grimaced, not sure he could meet his eyes.Hoseok sighed heavily, flexing his neck sideways uncomfortably… He felt weirdly stiff, not only there but all over actually. Which made him frown. “How long was I out?”

“A day and a half.” His dad said, dragging a chair for him and Hoseok’s mom closer to the bed. The manager followed their lead, looking around and grabbing a stoll for himself beside him.

Hoseok’s face went pale.

“What?!”

“We got here a couple hours ago, but the boys have been outside in the waiting room since last night.” His dad continued through, stretching his neck uncomfortably. Now that he paid closer attention, they both did seem really tired. “They wouldn’t leave, no matter how much we insisted.”

The image of his bandmates worried expressions back in Korea, before he left, the heavy frown in all of their faces and their angry banter when He agreed to come in the emergency flight by himself flashed across his eyes. And his stomach clenched heavily in both warmth and guilt to it... Imagining just how worse having seen him passed out, in pretty much a coma like his soulmate was beside him, had likely been. Declining their schedule too to be there, so close to their comeback.

Hoseok shut his eyes tightly and grimaced his tears away, trying not to seem as angry and frustrated as his felt. Panic for his life aside, this entire thing could not have happened at a worst moment. He shifted in the bed restlessly, the movement reminding him not only of his cramped exhaustion for being still for over two days now, but also making him aware once more of the restrains by his left side.

“Uhm, can I take this off?” Hoseok asked the nurse, looking down at his hand.

She smile at him cordially.

“I’m sorry… I can loosen them up if they’re too tight, but it’s not safe for you both to do so yet. At least, not for the miss.” She apologized, her expression understanding. “You were moving around a lot the night so you guys’ state kept fluctuating. So, unfortunately the binds will need to stay there for now. Just until you both are safely out of danger and can sleep in without constant contact.”

His head tilted sideways in discomfort to her reply, but Hoseok nodded in resignation regardless. It made sense, despite still feeling beyond weird. He gazed down at their tied hands, experimentally loosening his grip over her hand and the contact with her right leg as much as the binds allowed…

And even with their knees and forearms still touching, he could still feel it. A slight weight hovering above his chest slowly washing over him, along with a cloud of dizziness drowning up his brain. He exhaled shakily, weakly, as if suddenly his ribcage felt way too heavy for his muscles. His hand immediately enveloped hers back again, his entire body and even head leaning closer towards her by reflex. Just as quickly, the familiar comfort and calm from before returned to him. Air filling his lungs and a relaxed relief clearing his thoughts. Sadly, though, not his raging panic.

“Fuck...” he hissed, shutting his eyes tightly to try and not cry like a little kid in front of his parents.

Was this what it was gonna be like from now on? forever? Hoseok's eyes finally fell for a second time towards the woman beside him, as the nurse talked something with his parents. His… Soulmate. However he had imagined the moment he would meet a woman to spend the rest of his life with, or what she would be like, this was for sure very far from it. He sighed heavily and looked away, shutting his eyes and trying his best not to think about it. His brain was already aching and spinning as it was.

He heard the doctor moving and the nurses move away from the beds, his parents ushering thank you’s in their shy broken english somewhere beside him, when the other woman in the room, Raquel, spoke up to them in a haste. The way her voice sounded, dark and tense made Hoseok snap his eyes open, turning first towards the unconscious woman beside him on impulse. But then, when nothing seemed different, he looked at her sister with a confused frown. She was now standing almost by the door with the three physicians, talking to the translating nurse seriously. There was a surprised, tense discomfort in the small nurse’s expression, before she peeked at the doctor one last time and came back along with Raquel, who now moved towards Hoseok’s parents’ side of the bed.

“Uhm, Miss Raquel would like a word with you, Hoseok ssi,” the nurse translated without any words from the other woman, peeking at her uneasily before reassuringly turning back to him, “If you feel ok enough for it, that is.”

Hoseok blinked in surprise, his stance stiffening to the sudden request.

“Uh, I, s-sure.” he stuttered, rather stupidly.

Hoseok straightened up as much as his numb body and lean back position in the bed allowed him to, and tried to gulp down the surge of anxiety rushing through him. The woman’s glare was tense, clearly displeased. If it wasn’t for his parents and the nurse being there, Hoseok would have thought the woman was about to punch him… The scowl in her expression made clear she at least wanted to.

She barked something at the nurse while looking straight at Hoseok. Her voice was calm, low, but filled with fiery with determination and a strong willed menace. The nurse stared at her, wide-eyed, and Hoseok saw his parents frowning at the tone protective with the corner of his eye. His mom grasped his arm defensively, despite waiting for the actual message to come through.

“I, uh,” the nurse started as Raquel paused, but then the woman eyed her firmly and muttered something more, which made the nurse visibly cringe. “... Firstly, I apologize, but the miss asked me to translate her words exactly. Curse words included.”

Hoseok gulped as he nodded for her to continue, even more unsure now about what he should expect.

“I understand how complicated this must be for you and your career. Trust me, I do, I was the one who introduced Nina to BTS, and I admire and respect your work for many years now. I know how much of a set back this probably is on all you care for, especially with some of the batshit fans you got out there.” she started, tone wavering between polite indifference and mimicked harshness. “However, I need you to understand two things. Very. Carefully. First: Nina is in no way one of those fans, just in case her artwork gave you the wrong idea. Second, I don’t care if you’re J-hope, the pope or the fucking president. Whatever is your current situation with all this, I won’t tolerate you staring at my sister like you just did. Like she is… Some fucking tumor you just found out about. Not now, and ESPECIALLY not when she wakes up.”

The way the woman leaned against the base of the bed as she waited for the nurse to finish made Hoseok frown and coil down against the bed, his defenses coming up. He peeked at his parents briefly, but they both simply observed the woman with an unreadable expression, his mother's hand over his arm tight in comfort and protectiveness.

“Feel however you need, everyone has that right. In a situation like this i’d actually be worried if you didn’t seem troubled, don’t get me wrong.” Raquel continued on, followed by the uncomfortable nurse that tired not to keep eye contact with them as she relayed the woman’s words. “But keep in mind… Nina is in just as much as a hard time as you right now. My sister has seen hell and back, and you have no fucking idea how difficult this is being for her as it is. So don’t you dare make it even worse by dropping any guilt about this on her, because, let's be honest... You’re not the one who will likely need to change or give up most your personal life and routine for the sake of your soulmate’s lifestyle.”

The words hit him like a truck. The sharpness of Raquel’s tone in connection to the translation made him gape, and washed his mind down into shock. Like a sharp dagger and cold bucket of water had been thrown against Hoseok at the same time. Beside him, his parents were silent, simply staring. His mother’s hand squeezed his arm, but he couldn’t make himself look at her. Or at his father, or simply away from the watering, ultraged eyes of the woman in front of him. His soulmate’s sister, one of his fans… Which he had just rightfully offended in the worst possible way.

Because it was true.

Up until that moment, to his own shock and shame…

His soulmate’s point of view had not crossed his mind at all. Not even once.

Or what being his soulmate could possibly encompass…

Indeed, with the now lifelong need for physical contact, naturally they were both gonna need to compromise and adapt to each other’s lives… And, with his status and career, likely their management team was already settling arrangements up on how to best accommodate… Nina, into their schedule. The notion of anything in the other way around happening was hardly viable, judging from all his contract covered and the look in his manager’s eyes. The way his stance shifted tensely, looking down with a tight, professionally composed expression at her last sentence. Having been over a day it was very likely all possible legal arrangements were already set up, just waiting on them both to wake up to be promptly discussed.

Not to mention his own personal dreams, his goals and his family… It was out of the question for him to just put them aside. He had worked so hard for it, given up so, so much all those years on it. But… She surely had those too.

Priorities, loved ones…

Could he do it? If she didn’t agree, or if it was the other way around… Could he give up his career? His brothers, his family and country? Like he, so far, had mindlessly been just assuming she would need to do, with no actual choice?

Those thoughts had not crossed his mind until now, and the prospect of them was no short of suffocating. Jesus, I am an asshole… The realization made Hoseok exhaled a shuddering breath, physical pain soaring across his chest to how heavy the guilt about the arrogance his innocent, yet selfish and thoughtless reactions had implied.

His eyes fell over the unconscious woman beside him with renewed emotion, guilt and shame drowning him just as much the as panic had been just a short while ago. While he did so, Raquel sniffled her angry tears away and sighed heavily, turning back to the chair by her sister’s side and grabbing her hand between hers. Holding it tight, close to her face as her eyes closed down against it, like a prayer.

Hoseok gulped, feeling tears of his own forming to the hopeless sight.

“I’m… I’m… Sorry…” he no more than breathed out, his voice as sincere in its heavy guilt and shame as he could muster it to be. “I… Really, I...”

He tried composing himself, thinking of something reassuring to say or that could make up for it… But… Nothing exactly came to mind. What could he say? That she was mistaken? That she had misunderstood him? It would be a lie... Which made him feel even worse.

The nurse translated it quietly, still standing by the bedside awkwardly. Raquel didn’t move, just vaguely nodded against her sister’s pale hand in recognition. Her eyes opened through some frustrated tears, but she didn’t spare him even a glance. Her eyes were entirely lost in her younger sister’s face, and, quite frankly, despite still being so tired and confused Hoseok couldn’t really blame her.

His mom's hand gripping his arm tighter and rubbing his hand pulled his attention back to them. He gulped, seeing in his parents' expression his same pain, but understanding comfort as well.

"We'll figure it out, honey." His mom muttered, brushing his hair absentmindedly and sadly studying his broken expression.

Hoseok closed his eyes, trying to let his mind focus simply on the motion, rather than everything else spinning inside his head, but it was not as efficient as he hoped. Behind her the nurse quietly walked away from them and closed the door of the room, giving them some privacy at least language-wise.

"What… what will happen now?" Hoseok asked his manager after a little while, gulping down the emotion in his tone.

"Don't worry about that for now," He shook his head, and his father nodded to the other man's somber words.

"But, the album…"

"We're still in schedule for practice time, and even so the company already has a delay notice ready if it becomes needed. Nothing personal revealed, just that it’s a health matter." His manager explained dutifully, leaning forward. "We can talk all details out once Nina ssi is awake, and you feel strong enough. Nothing about it matters before that."

"Don't be hard on yourself son, it’s not the time." His dad sighed, patting his leg as he peeked over towards the woman sadly. "Or hold it against her, either. Everyone has been really tense and scared this last two days, doctor’s weren’t sure you both would make it. And Raquel ssi has been very sweet to us while we waited, she is a nice woman… But she is her sister’s only close family. If it was the other way around, your sister would be raising hell to her as well."

Hoseok sighed as his tears leaked down, shutting his eyes tight and nodding. The idea of his sister and the truth of those words didn't help him feel any less villainous for his selfishness, but he knew where his dad was getting at. He was only human, and so were them. It was no one's fault, and deep down he did understand so.

He just hoped she, as well as Nina, would too.

Discreetly Hoseok scooched back closer to Nina’s arm and leg, trying to - despite his personal discomfort, considering he was touching an unconscious woman - to give her as good recovery chance as he could. He gripped her hand that was tied to his, peeking at her in a silent vow. Sorry… He thought, hoping that somehow despite unconscious she could see his genuine regret. Raquel, despite watching his motion silently, paid him no words about it, but he saw vaguely that her expression softened.

His parents continued talking about the trip there and catching up with him quietly, both of them holding Hoseok’s hand and his mom gently brushing his hair, and arm pretty much enveloped around him in a half hug. Then at some point, under his mother’s soft caress and the humming of the medical machinery around him, Hoseok slowly fell asleep.

Chapter Text

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《RAQUEL P.O.V.》

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She could almost feel more tears incoming while letting out another yawn, which got in her nerves. Then again, she didn't recall the last time she blinked. Her eyes were too focused for too long, lost in her sister's unconscious face... Waiting, hoping... Raquel had thoughts things were better when, a couple hours ago, the doctors switched that huge oxygen mask by the same small breathing aid hooked nearly invisibly up in k-pop boy's nose. But Nina was still completely out.

She heard Hoseok shift and clear his throat somewhere ahead, and her jaw clenched. Raquel knew, deep down, the boy had no real blame on any of that but it was still hard not to feel triggered. Especially after his waking panic. Still, she sighed heavily, reason working against her... Even though that was partially reason for her lashing out, Raquel also knew the boy and his company were likely just a scapegoat for her frustration with herself. A punching bag to mask her own guilt.

If only she had realized the dream could not be a dream. If maybe she had pressed a little more, and given up that stupid date to check on her... Maybe Nina wouldn't be unconscious right now. Maybe she wouldn't be in danger, laying in a hospital bed... again.

She had hoped never needing to see Nina in that kind of state again. Raquel had promised herself and Nina she wouldn't allow so, after the last time. And they had been going so well... She was being careful, always present. And Nina, herself, had been growing so much too. She was giving her best, and being true to her promise... It made Raquel let her guard down. Even with something that, now, felt so obvious...

Her sister rarely complained or called if there wasn't something fatal going on, how could she not realize it couldn't possibly be just a damn dream?! As sensitive as she was, Nina had gone through worse to be so easily triggered inside a nightmare. At least, triggered enough to actually reach out and warn her...

"Miss Raquel?" the voice of one of the nurses called softly, making Raquel tense up again and snap back into the present. She sighed, but made herself turn and face them.

It was still felt odd, to see the man she and her sister had fangirled over for years now there. An arm's length away, uneasily peeking at her while literally tied to her sister's side. His face was still pale and clearly drained, even if a lot better than a couple hours ago. The same nurse from before, the tiny redhead one, stood beside him. His parents were both asleep by the couch, on the other side of the room a few feet away from the bed.

"He would like a word, if that's ok." She asked, quietly.

Raquel looked at him, before her face laxed out of her involuntary frown, before nodding at the nurse. "How is he feeling?"

The nurse translated her question dutifully, which made Hoseok surprised as he gulped and nodded at Raquel and mumbled something in korean.

"He feels a bit better now, thanks for asking." she translated. Then, in a pause while Hoseok looked down at Nina still asleep beside himself, the nurse sat by his sleeping mother's side before he continued to speak. "He wants to properly apologize to you again, for before. He didn't meant to, but knows it was inappropriate of him to be react the way he did."

Raquel could see in the way his eyes fell on hers painfully wide that he meant it. It made her previous line of thought mingle in deeply to the comforting relief his apology brought. She sighed, nodding and offering him a tired smile, shoulders relaxing further.

"It's ok, I believe him. I'm sorry too, for being so harsh when he just woke up..." she confessed, eyes fixed on his for a moment before turning back to her sister. Clinging to her hand a bit tighter. "The last few nights... Have been rough. In a lot of ways."

She continued gazing at her sister's expression while the nurse quietly translated it to him, musing how ironic it was that her sister's eyebags were right now barely visible. Nins, you really needed to get into pretty much a damn coma to quit being a panda. She laughed to herself, sadly.

A moment of silence stretched on for a while longer, before Hoseok's voice appeared up in mumbles again. When Raquel looked over, his eyes were thoughtfully lost in Nina's profile as well.

"He says that you don't need to apologize. Actually, he feels he needed, uh, deserved that." the nurse translates, seeming unsure on which grammatical person to use before continuing on. "Was she too scared? Because it was him?"

Raquel couldn't help but chuckle with no humor, thinking back at the hours crying together with Nina in that long, dreadful first day. The 7 hours in the ambulance then the hospital, before they had been able to contact Big Hit. She nodded, powerless against the memories the same way she had been when they were the present. Hoseok didn't answer, which, for a moment, she appreciated.

"Nina, she..." Raquel started, trailing off into a sigh before she continued, still gathering her thoughts. She wasn't quite sure where she wanted to get at, but the words continued spewing out, escaping her rational side. "She doesn't handle attention very well. It's, uhm... a bit of a sore topic, Nina has a complicated past. She has been working on it for a long time now, and, and it's been getting better... But... definitely having a soulmate who is famous is... not something she is looking forward to. OR had ever wanted, really."

She peeked at him while the nurse translated her words, serious. He listened to it intently, sorrow appearing in his features as Hoseok looked back to her, then to Nina, troubled; but this time, not in a 'you're the problem' troubled. More as in 'i'm not sure i can help' troubled, almost apologetic. His lips pursed together tight, nodding to Raquel in understanding once the nurse finished.

"I'm really sorry." he mumbled, in a cute, yet sad english.

Raquel's smile tightened, but she nodded.

"She is too."

Her tone, for the first time, genuinely sweet as she addressed him. Silence settled between them awkwardly for a long mentioned, before Hoseok's voice started up again shyly.

"He says that it's a bit surprising." The translator commented almost as carefully as Hoseok voiced it. "That attention is an issue, in a way. Considering her hair..."

Raquel couldn't help but laugh, brushing her sister's green locks out of her face. The tone was starting to fade up, and the dark color of her roots was showing. She should remind Nina to touch them up soon.

"Yeah, kinda ironic huh? You're not the first one to think so." she agreed, fondly. "For someone so recluse Nina has a bit of an odd taste, though I think the hair color was a more of a personal challenge actually. She works from home, so, it's usually not too noticed."

Hoseok mumbled something in understanding, nodding.

Then, there was silence once more. Raquel sighed.

"She really is sorry, you know."

"About what?" Hoseok and the nurse frowned.

"Nina knows that for someone in your position, having a soulmate is hardly a happy thing. You know, with the whole fame thing." Raquel explained trying to carefully measure her words while the nurse translated it. "Especially a soulmate that is-- well, not only a fan but, uhm... Also sensitive like her. She feels very guilty about it, despite being out of her control."

There was another moment of awkward silence as Hoseok processed what the nurse translated, his eyes roaming Nina's face before he turned back to Raquel with a thoughtful, careful look.

"What is she like?" The nurse translated.

Raquel mused the humble expression in his face before smiling lightly, appreciating his gesture and initiative. She turned to her sister while she gathered her thoughts. God, where to begin...

"Nina is a pretty calm, quiet person... An old soul. Sometimes she seems more like the older sister than me, this brat." Raquel laughed, rolling her eyes at her sleeping sibling fondly. "Uh... She usually spends most her time either studying or working. Usually on her own, never really been much of a people's person. She kind, humble to a fault... Nearly incapable of saying 'no'; I usually need to remind her to take care of herself and slow down on the being-everyone's-mom now and then."

Hoseok smiled lightly as the nurse translated, peeking between Raquel and Nina thoughtfully to each word. She felt somewhat relieved when he chuckled to a few bits, mainly her scolding on her sister's maturity and the slight exasperation with which Raquel ended up adding the 'everyone's-mom comment'.

"She is mostly asexual, so not the type for girl talks or drool on anyone. To my dismay growing up." Raquel chuckled, recalling her constant nagging of her little sister's aloofness to boys and girls alike through her teens, and the nonstop jokes from relatives about it.

"Mostly?" The nurse asked, confused.

Raquel nodded, expecting the confusion.

"The technical term is 'demissexual'. Means she only has the hots for people after she gets to know them and has feelings for them, rather than the other way around like most of us." She explained, scratching her cheek as she noticed the small confused frown in the nurse's face as she forwarded the explanation. "I know, it's kinda confusing. Took me a while to fully get it myself."

"He says he never heard of that." The nurse mused, seeming as curious as the now wide-eyed idol beside her, who had a cute downside frown to the new information, looking curiously like a kid between Raquel and Nina thoughtfully. Raquel chuckled once more.

"Most people haven't, myself included until Nina told me of it." She agreed with the duo, gazing at her sister's face once more to it. "Let me see, what else... Uh, well, and as you likely noticed, she is an artist." Raquel chuckled, and Hoseok smiled weakly through a nod to it. "Always been so, since she grew old enough to hold a pencil."

"The paintings in her house were very pretty, she has talent." The nurse translated, after Hoseok mumbled so with awe. Raquel couldn't help but smile, feeling pride soar across her chest. "Does she work with that?"

"Sort of, we work together with social media management and publicity." Raquel explained, head cocked to the side as she pondered on it. "I handle the social media and talk-to-clients, administrative side of things, Nina does all the graphic design, editing and visual pieces in many platforms."

Hoseok nodded with an arched brow, though Raquel couldn't really tell if the gesture was impressed or simply polite. She kept going, regardless. Not receiving blatant distaste was already much of a victory for the first few hours knowing each other, after all.

"Takes a bit for her to trust others, but... She is someone you can count on for life once she does. And, believe it or not, she is not as scandalous as she probably made herself look for your bandmates."

Hoseok listened intently as she explained, looking between Raquel and Nina while the nurse translated her words. To the end of it, he blushed and cringed self-consciously.

"Well... It's a scary situation, be in someone else's body." he mumbled, looking away before scratching his cheek. "I was freaked out too, and I wasn't surrounded by strangers."

"Yeah... it surely must be." she sighed with a small smile.

His words warmed her heart. It felt genuine, without brushing out his previous reaction; a prove of honesty that Raquel appreciated far more than any flattery. The notion made her look back at her sister thoughtfully though, as silence fell awkwardly again between the three... If things felt this weird with her, Raquel could only guess how worse it'd likely be directly with Nina. She knew, in a way, what could help with this... but... should she? Would it be ok?

She peeked at the asian man beside her sister, considering him. Liking it or not, reality was that neither if them could do much to change that situation. That bond. Nina, as much as Raquel herself, would have to learn and live with it...

Sorry, sis... but this will be far less painful for me to do this than for you. Hopefully. Raquel sighed, begging silently at her unconscious sibling before turning back to Hoseok.

"She didn't used to be like that." Raquel sighed, which brought the man's attention back to her. "You know... So easily freaked out, with people."

Hoseok simply waited as she talked, and after with a polite frown. Trying not to pry, maybe; she'd have appreciated the gesture, in normal circumstances. Raquel scanned him a second time, thoughtful, before resigning herself to her decision.

"Listen... You'll likely learn of this eventually, but... To be honest, I feel you will need to if you wanna get through with her." Raquel sighed, waiting for the nurse to fully translate it before continuing. "Would you hear me out?"

Hoseok adjusted in bed, sitting up a little and turning himself towards her, before nodding solemnly. She breathed in, then resumed what she was getting at.

"The reason she freaked out, in your body... It wasn't because you're part of BTS. Or because she is just usually that hysterical." Raquel scoffed, but sadly this time, rather than defensive. "The panic attack your bandmates saw happened cuz... uh, having... man parts... between her legs triggered a flashback."

Hoseok blushed and shifted in place to the mention of his genitalia, but his expression slowly shifted into a confused frowned as the nurse continued on.

"I'm sorry... Flashback?" he asked, polite yet quizzical.

Raquel took a deep breath, turning again to her sister's dormant face.

"She... Nina was target of a pedophile. When... when she was 8."

The last few words came out in a broken, barely audible mumble. The nurse visibly paled to the information, which brought a frown to Hoseok's expression. She passed the message on quietly, and Raquel hoped she was doing the right thing as she saw the Idol's eyes go wide then his entire expression frown with tense, stunned horror. He turned back to Raquel pained look, and she cleared her throat before forcing herself to keep going.

"It's a long story, but... That's why she hates attention, why attention from strangers terrifies her. Her time in school, which was far from ideal, and the memories of that... Asshole. It's thanks to that." Raquel bit her lip, gripping to her sister's hand once more, trying to keep herself grounded. "Not because you're an idol and she is some batshit fan, living the dream. Far from it."

There was another long, heavy weighted silence. Then, with a stunned exhale, Hoseok turned back to her. "I'm... I'm really, sorry." the nurse translated, even though Raquel recognized those korean words by now. "For all that happened. That... It's... It's just--"

Raquel nodded and smiled, breathing lighter for the first time in a while.

"I know, it's ok. You don't need to explain." She assured him, before the nurse could finish translating the entire message. He seemed surprised. "I do mean all I said before. However, that doesn't mean I don't understand why you reacted as you did. We are ARMY, after all...We both know you have a lot on your shoulders. So... Honestly, it's ok. As long as you're a little careful on how you express it to Nina, I don't expect or want you to ignore what you feel or think. You both are stuck on this for life, after all, and I imagine keeping a happy-go-lucky facade through work must be already exhausting enough."

Hoseok looked downright awestruck as the small nurse translated her words, but eventually smiled with pained relief at Raquel, nodding. He understood his thank you even before the woman translated it into portuguese, and smiled back to him.

"I wouldn't say it's a facade, but..." he laughed, letting the sentence trail off. Some more silence stretched on, though a little more comfortable than before. He cleared his throat before Raquel could get distracted. "Uh, Just to be sure. How much would be a 'a little careful' exactly? I mean..."

"The big main triggers for her are: Men towering too close over her, having her thighs and general upper legs touched, and having undivided attention from strangers." Raquel listed through a sigh. His somber expression was touching, eyes focused to grasp all details even though he'd need a translation to actually comprehend it. "Anything else is usually not enough to make her panic... Like, being flirty. Even if you're just doing so jokingly, it doesn't hit her well. Or making direct compliments or comments about her body... But that's it. Being mindful of those is enough, no need to walk on eggshells."

She shrugged by the end, risking a small smile. He returned it, noddin, though his expression didn't seem so confident. She tried not to feel disappointed, though in a way both seemed pretty inevitable for now.

"Honestly, with how my life is I can't really promise much about the attention from strangers, but," Hoseok sighed, with a frown and a head tilt to the side before facing her again, his eyes cristal clear and honest on hers. "Regarding the rest... I'll be careful. You have my word."

"It's all I ask. She will do her part, too. I promise. She always does." Raquel nodded, feeling a little lighter. "For the attention part, just give her space to back away from the spotlight if you can. If it's not possible, then usually talking together with her helps. Dividing the focus of the ones around, if it makes sense."

"Aah, I see." He nodded again. "Thank you for telling me."

Raquel laughed with no humor.

"It'd take ages for Nina to do so, and... Again, I feel that without that you might get a very different impression of her. I'd rather give you both a better chance to, well, hopefully be friends through this, than risk awkwardness and miscommunication making both your lifes even harder than they'll likely already be from now on." She shrugged, suddenly once again feeling all the exhaustion she has been pushing back. "I just want her to be ok, and as happy as possible. And, knowing her, Nina will want you to be as well. So... Since I won't be able to stay as close as i'd like to her anymore, and language plus routine will probably do enough damage for a while as it is, might as well give her a little extra push while I still can."

A deep frown appeared on Hoseok's expression then, one deeper, sadder, than any he had shown her so far. He gulped, shifting on the bed uncomfortably, then his eyes fell on his mother, asleep on the couch beside him. Raquel observed the couple with him, just as thoughtful. They both remained silent for a little while longer, each lost in their own thoughts.

When the nurse between them sighed discreetly, Raquel couldn't hold back a guilty chuckle. "I'm so sorry. We're both giving you so much work, so late. And I didn't even ask your name." Raquel frowned, apologetic to the short red haired nurse.

"Sueli. And it's no trouble, I'm happy to have an excuse to practice." the nurse smiled, then followed to ask Hoseok something in korean, to which he shook his head and mumbled something hurriedly.

"Nice to meet you, and thank you so much. Really."

The nurse smiled through the greeting. "Mind if I get us all a cup of water?"

"No, no, not at all." Raquel urged her. "I'm fine though, thank you."

"You sure?"

Raquel nodded with a small smile. The nurse turned to Hoseok, presumedly repeating the question to him, then left soon to return with two glasses and a small water bottle in a tray, along with some biscuits. Sueli made sure to get Hoseok to eat a little, checking his vitals while he did so.

Raquel took the little break to stretch her arms and back, stroking her sisters hand gently. She could feel the idol's eyes on her, but paid it no mind. It didn't feel as triggering, now. Thankfully.

The nurse offered Raquel some crackers too and repeated her offer to get her something to drink, before sitting back down and encouraged them to continue.

"You live close to here?" Hoseok mumbled, still finishing one of his biscuits.

Raquel shook her head.

"We live pretty far away, more to the countryside. Took about a 8 hours drive to get here."

"Ah..." he nodded vaguely.

His eyes fell back to his nearly finished biscuit, seeming distant, then at his sleeping parents.

"They really love you, coming all this way." Raquel couldn't help but smile. "Before you woke up, they couldn't sit still. Their phone wouldn't stop ringing, too... Your relatives kept checking in every few hours."

The comment snapped Hoseok out of his thoughts, making him sigh and smile.

"They're my rock, I don't know what I'd do without them." Sueli smiled as she translated, quietly.

Some more silence stretched on, then Hoseok started back.

"There was a puppy, at her house..." The nurse trailed off, in clear question. Raquel smiled widely.

"Bibi! Yes, the love of my sister's life." she nodded. Hoseok repeated the name quietly under his breath, which made Raquel smile wider.

"He says she was very cute."

"There is no one immune to her charms. She is in the waiting room actually, been with me and my boyfriend," Raquel vaguely pointed behind her shoulder, thinking back to the little anxious pup that had been the light of the waiting room in those last few days. "Waiting for her mom to wake up."

Hoseok's eyes lighted up a bit to the information, as he nodded. Some more silence settled in, but somehow it didn't feel as awkward or thick anymore. It somehow reminded her that she was sleepy, which had been a first since that whole mess started. And that this was the first normal conversation she had had on the last two days.

"Do you like dogs?" Raquel wondered, sighing.

"Yeah, he's got one. Mickey." Hoseok smiled to the name, peeking at his mom's sleeping form as if checking where he could be.

Raquel chuckled, arching her eyebrows knowingly. "I mean, I know. I follow you guys on twitter."

That seemed to make Hoseok, for the first time since in that conversation, look self-conscious. It was cute, in a way, how his cheeks seemed slightly flushed to the reminder of their fan/idol situation. Silence settled in, then, as their eyes met again, both gave each other an awkward nod and ended up chuckling to the weird tension the mention brought.

"Uhm. Does he stay with you guys, or...?"

"Not really. He lives with my sister, since I'm away so often."

"Ah, I see." Raquel smiled, nodding. "What breed is he?"

"Shi tzu."

Raquel nodded to the information, letting some silence settle between them again. Hoseok stretched his neck from side to side and let out a strained sigh, but in spite of it he didn't seem to mind it. The bed seemed to be bothering him far more than any topic, and Raquel couldn't help but to sympathize. She was pretty sure her butt and that old chair had already fused together, as well.

"Anyway... You rest up now. You still look half-dead, and I think we gave our friend here enough of a workload for a night." She laughed, and both him and Sueli chuckled to the expression. "Thank you for listening to me, and being so understanding." 

"He said its no problem, he is the one who appreciates all you shared. And having accepted his apology, too." Sueli relayed to her as she started getting up. She asked Hoseok something then, before turning back to Raquel. "I'll be on the hallway if you need me, ok?"

"Thank you. Good night." Raquel waved.

Sueli smiled in return as she strode out the room, just as Hoseok adjusted himself again comfortably in the bed. It didn't take long for him to drift back to sleep. And, not too long after, Raquel - with her chest feeling a lot lighter - nestled herself beside her sister and followed his lead.

Chapter Text

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《BTS P.O.V.》

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No one was able to convince Hoseok that he shouldn't go alone. They all argued, Jimin and Jungkook more than anyone - but  to their surprise and frustration - Hoseok's argument was solid. If they all left Korea, there was no way to properly convince the public that nothing was wrong. They had to keep that leverage, that presence in case things got settled quickly. What did it matter though, when his life was on the line? 

But, none of them managed to change his mind. They had to respect his boundaries. Regardless of how they felt about it, after all... None of the members knew what else they could do, after all. They did their best to look up as much info as they could. Looking up the name, fanart online, Brazilian landscapes… anything Hoseok could match up with what he had seen. But, no matter their effort, Hoseok barely had any reaction. Barely gave them any input back. In all their time living together in the last 7 years, none of them had ever seen him so distraught and… hollow. 

Hoseok was loud and expressive to his emotions when just between them, so the way his character switched off the more hours passed weighted painfully to all the others. As the hours passed, Hoseok's shock overcame his open nature regarding his insecurities - and that caught them off guard. The more they comforted him and tried to cheer him up, to be there for him in that moment, the more Hoseok seemed lost in thought and closed off.

For the first time, he needed them more than the other way around - but they weren’t enough to lift him up and reassure him, not in the way he always seemed to so naturally be able to do so for them. And none of them knew how to handle that feeling without burdening him even more. They realized how lost and awkward they all felt when he wasn’t there to reassure or comfort them, to help them focus without losing hope. Seokjin and Namjoon did their best to fill his shoes, as they always did whenever Hoseok was not feeling too well, but in this situation even they were not fully able to keep up that role. 

The boys remained in the company’s building once Hoseok left for the flight, in the evening. None of them was able to focus on anything beyond their phones and the manager’s updates on the situation. They split up between rooms after a little though; Yoongi vanished into his studio soon after Hoseok's left, Seokjin and Jungkook buried themselves in their phones, looking up articles and videos about long distance bonds and discussing their found results. Jimin and Taehyung fled for a while for the recreation room, but came back a few hours later; both puffy faced and with red eyes, clearly from crying, but none of them called both out on it.

Namjoon called the Managers a few more times, but it only made his heart sink further. Not only for the lack of good news, but even further when he denied - per medical advice - Namjoon’s request at talking with Hoseok himself. It was close to 1 AM when he dropped his attempts to research. The others were all still in the same room, still discussing theories but in lighter tones and often jumping into softer topics, comforting each other. They all looked drained, tired, much like he himself felt. Jimin and Jungkook looked particularly puffy faced, Seokjin was unusually quiet, the way he always got when he was either mad or too emotive and needed some time to himself. 

The managers brought them some take out dinner soon after that, since none of them had accepted to go out and have it before or taken when they brought them some food earlier on. With that much exhaustion though, reading, crying and being tense for so long, this time no one refused. 

Namjoon went out to check on Yoongi while the managers went to pick the delivery up, so he could eat with them too. Usually it took a moment for him to open the door when Namjoon knocked, but this time, steps rushed towards his door and it opened immediately. From behind it, Yoongi’s face appeared with anxious eyes. The way he looked away and his eyes looked red confirmed Namjoon’s assumption about why his hyung had secluded himself. He always did this, in difficult moments like this. 

“... Nothing yet?” he mumbled dejectedly, once he saw Namjoon’s expression. 

Namjoon sighed and shook his head. “Sorry.”

Yoongi sighed and shook his head, leaning to the door frame. 

“Managers are bringing up some food,” Namjoon smiled lightly, patting Yoongi’s arm. “Come eat. We can call up to check on Hobi after.”

It took Namjoon a moment to convince him, talking a little there just between them, in the doorframe, before Yoongi caved in and came with him. It was a habit for them, even in easier situations - to keep emotional conversations between them. Yoongi was one of the oldest members, one of the member’s who had been in the group the longest (like Namjoon himself), and Namjoon was the group's leader. The others looked at them for support, and they needed to be there for them… which made showing their more vulnerable sides openly a slightly bigger challenge to them, Yoongi especially. 

By the time both of them arrived in the common room they were all settled for the time being, the food had already arrived. The managers had clearly overdone themselves, because the meeting table in the middle of the room was full of all sorts of foods and snacks - far more than they usually ate in any meal, or that their diets allowed. They all felt grateful, it was visible in their eyes… But the treats didn’t quite heal the scar in the atmosphere.

They all sat around the table and ate… Quietly. Too quietly. The silence was overwhelming, everyone focused on the food and not facing anyone in the eye - too lost in their own thoughts. In all the worries and thoughts they didn’t wanna burden the others with. It felt suffocating, to feel this awkward and stiff between each other. 

And Taehyung was the first to break under that tense atmosphere. 

“Are we just gonna live with a fan now?” he scoffed between a bite and the next, his eyes cold. "What if it's some Saesang?"

Everyone turned their eyes off the food and to him. 

“Wait, she’ll live with us?” Jimin frowned. 

“Did you think Hobi was going to move to Brazil?" Yoongi scoffed mid-bite. "Can't be helped. Either that or Hoseok moves out."

“But--”

“Look,” Namjoon sighed, exasperated. “No one knows how it’ll be, we’ll just have to wait and see.”

“How else do you think this can go?” Taehyung laughed acidly. “They need constant contact, our schedule starts with sunrise or earlier and goes until long after dark.”

“But-- a woman and seven guys?” Jimin set his hands on the table a bit too harshly. “Worst even, a fan ? What will people think if they find--”

"They won't find out," Seokjin quickly added, serious. "Plus, its not like any of us is some sort of deranged pervert."

"I mean, no of course not, but-- what if she is?" Jimin scoffed. "Are we supposed to just accept that?"

"Isn't, isn't that better than losing Hyung though?" Jungkook asked quietly.

Jimin visibly flinched.

“Of course it is!” Taehyung scoffed in his place, offended at the bare thought. “But--”

“How do you even know she’s a Saesang?” Jin interjected with arched eyebrows, setting his chopsticks down. “She looked terrified of us, not excited. Don’t jump to conclusions about people like that, you're being judgemental." 

“Oh come on, she stopped running as soon as she noticed you guys were there. You saw it yourself!” Jimin snarled. “To freak the hell out like that, have paintings of us all over… What else can you think?”

"Why is having paintings of someone a sign of being a creepy stalker? Does that mean every fan artist out there is a pervert?" Jin argued back. "That makes no sense, not to mention Hoseok said it himself only some of the paintings and drawings were of us. Not all of them."

Taehyung was the one to snicker darkly this time, looking away with a heavy sigh. "They can be, sometimes…" he spat in a mumble.

Jin groaned through a tired sigh, finishing his bite and shaking his head. 

"Again. Hoseok said nothing about weird artwork though, AND he clearly said some drawings and paintings were of us, not ALL OF THEM. So my point still stands, you're being rude and getting ahead of yourself." He retorted yet again. "We know nothing concrete about this person, it's not fair on her or good for us to go worrying over extreme assumptions like that without proof." 

Yoongi, beside Jin, sighed. Namjoon on the other side of the table nodded, while the 95 liners exchanged a skeptical, frustrated glare and rolled their eyes.

"Calm down. Other idol groups have had a fan become a soulmate before, and we surely won't be the last.” Namjoon said, trying to create some peace. Jungkook, who had remained calm and quiet throughout the mess, nodded this time as well. “We'll work through it, we always do."

“ How can you be calm about this?!” Tae slammed his hands to the table. 

“BECAUSE SOMEONE IN HERE FUCKING HAS TO.” Yoongi rose up from his seat, throwing his food aside across the table and glaring down at them severely. Everyone flinched to the sudden yell, eyes wide. “ GROW UP! Everyone is uncomfortable, everyone is scared and worried. But we're stuck in this situation, we've gotta work with it. Or everything is over,” the last four words were said softly. Weakly so, with a thick, acid, heartfelt brokenness to itself… As if he despised them.

There was again, that suffocating silence in the room. All eyes were still on Yoongi, who stood there for a moment longer before scoffing heavily and leaving to the hallway without another word. Taehyung had tears blooming through his deep, pained frown, but no one rose at first to console him. It was only when they started pouring, and his bravado broke his shoulders shaking as he cried, that Jungkook and Jin sighed and got up, scooching their seats closer to him and half hugging him from each side. Jimin was tearful too, but said nothing. Namjoon pat his shoulder regardless, which made him look away and sniffle a bit harder. 

"Liking it or not, Hoseok-hyung will be feeling a lot worse than us about this." Jungkook quietly cleared his throat and added, though he was sniffling and frowning uncomfortably as he did. "We need to be here for him through it. And be as ok as we can, for his sake."

Seokjin and Namjoon nodded, solemnly. 

“As long as Hoseok is ok,” Namjoon sighed eventually, as they all let the silence sit so they could gather their thoughts, “Anything else can be worked around. It’s… Far from ideal, but, we’ll figure it out.”

“Yeah...” Jin nodded, still brushing Tae’s hair gently as he cried. Jungkook, beside them, simply hugged to Tae with quiet sniffles of his own, face hidden in the other maknae’s shoulder. 

They ate quietly after that, if at all. No one seemed to have the stomach to continue anymore after that argument, but they soldiered on anyway. They knew it’d be only even more hassle if one of them also got sick in the midst of all this mess, so everyone still finished their own fair share, and gave out the rest to the staff who were still working around the clock on figuring out Hoseok’s soulmate location along with the SBC. 

While they did so, Namjoon took a few plates though, and headed out to check on Yoongi. He was, as usual, back in his studio. The door opened with some delay this time, and Namjoon didn’t rush or pressure him, but Yoongi let him in and - after some convincing - ate up the food he brought him quietly. Both of them sat there, talking, crying a bit, and working around as best they could what they should do moving forward about that whole situation. About Hoseok, about the soulmate, about the other’s resentment and frustrations about it. They’d all have to adapt, for Hoseok’s sake as much as their own - otherwise, indeed, even if Hoseok pulled through, it would be all over for them as a team. And they had given up way too much ul until now to let it happen. 

As they were chatting though, Namjoon's phone rang. He picked up immediately, the tense and alert posture he stood up in telling Yoongi exactly who that was; their manager, in the flight with Hoseok. Yoongi tensed up immediately too, silent and standing out the doorway as Namjoon listened intently.

“REALLY?!” Namjoon’s eyes widened as he jumped off the couch.

Yoongi darted off his seat immediately after, eyes glued to Namjoon as he jumped around then quickly turned to him, grabbing his shoulder with his free hand and nodding to Yoongi’s unspoken question. Yoongi felt his legs wobble under him, relief making his eyes sting. 

“Where? How far is it?” Namjoon demanded on the phone. “How is he?”

He nodded attentively as information buzzed against his ear. Yoongi stared at him, ear perked close trying to listen in, but no words sounded clear enough for him to decipher it. With a grunt, he pulled the phone out of Namjoon’s hand - which made him jolt in surprise - and put it on speaker between them hurriedly. 

“....should be getting there in a couple more hours.” their manager’s voice reporter through a long sigh. He sounded tired, but also relieved. 

“How is he?” Yoongi asked.

There was an uneasy pause.

“Worse, but he’s holding up. His soulmate’s condition is worsening quicker than expected, and it’s taking a toll on him, but he is still ok for now.” He explained somewhat reluctantly, with another sigh. Yoongi and Namjoon exchanged a heavy look. “He is asleep now. Resting is helping.”

“We’re going your way.” Namjoon announced gravely, storming out the door with Yoongi right behind him. Absolutely no room to argue in his voice.  

“Namjoon-ah, I don’t--”

“We. Are. Going.” he repeated as they strode across the hallway. 

The two of them continued in a fast pace towards the common room where the others were last gathered. In the other end of the line, there was a long heavy sigh and some mumbled complaint they couldn’t make out. 

“...I’ll send Sejin the location.” the manager gave in, quietly. “Contact his parents too, if you can. Hoseok didn’t tell them anything either.”

“Will do.” 

Yoongi ended the call just as they arrived in the room the other members were resting in. Immediately all the others jumped off their seats when they arrived, everyone with wide eyes and expectant expressions. Which turned into frantic celebration and restlessness after Namjoon told the managers and the others they were going there to meet Hoseok. Their managers were uneasy, but the other members agreed and insisted with them, assuring they’d all get a flight themselves if the company didn’t allow them to go. The managers started arranging the documentation and booking soon after, as they all made their way out the Big Hit building and quickly went back into their dorm to pack up basic luggage.  

No one spoke as they rushed from the dorm into the first regular flight they could schedule. Hoseok’s parents panicked even more heavily than them over the phone, assuring that they’d be following suit shortly after. Even during the flight, Namjoon and their other managers continued to call up the team that accompanied Hoseok, but more and more their answers were growing brief or delayed. Their manager’s tone, too, was growing worse and worse. Each time more worried. More restless. And none of them could sit still either, thanks to it. 

Sure. They had found her. There was hope . 

But there was no guarantee he’d reach her in time. 

The display in the plane’s backseats was showing they were about 6 hours away from landing when their manager let out a long, heavy sigh. Immediately, all members sat straighter and leaned in his direction, all brows furrowed and expressions twisted in tense worry. 

Then, the miracle words came. 

“They’re together.”

They literally all started crying. Laughing, sighing, sobbing… It was like suddenly the world had been lifted off their shoulders, and they could breathe again. Not caring about how the rest of the passengers around them and their staff (who also shared various displays of relief and tired celebration) eyes them all rather curiously. The staff slowly quieted them down, though they were all emotive and restless as well… But Namjoon couldn’t help but frown after he eyed up their manager a few moments later. Because, while they all celebrated and cried, he still had a somber and worried expression in his face. Relieved, yes, but still tense. Yoongi and Taehyung were the next ones to notice. 

“How is Hoseok doing?” Seokjin asked. 

The manager gave them a long look, then rubbed his neck and sighed.

“He is stabilizing, but… Not good yet. The situation is still complicated.” the manager admitted. Some of the staff and members, who were still smiling a bit, faltered and perched on their seats. “They’re both still unconscious, under observation in the ICU.”

“What!?” Jimin gasped, frowning. “ICU?! But, but why? I thought--”

“Being together is giving them a better chance now, it is helping,” the manager affirmed, turning in his seat a bit better in a way he could see them all on the seat rows beside him. “But the time we took, and the soulmate’s condition made the strain on both of them a lot heavier.“

“The 'soulmate’s condition'?” Yoongi asked. 

The manager nodded. 

“Hyonjin is still getting the details, but… apparently she took a heavier toll than him about all this. Mental health issues or something,” he sighed. “It made both their conditions go critical quicker despite the time to spare. So… They have a better chance now, yes, but unfortunately they’re not out of danger yet. They'll be clear once one or both wakes up."

The eyes of nearly all of them went wide, their faces pale all over again.

"Wait," Taehyung stuttered, blinking a couple times and frowning. "'One of them'? They might not wake up?"

The manager remained silent, simply shrugging with a deep frown of his own. The boys exchanged a worried look, the memory of their research results about emotional influence over soulmate bonds and the medication Hoseok had mentioned coming back to their minds in a grim light. It made sense, they should’ve expected… But, it still somewhat caught them all off guard. With the rush of finding where she was, they had not really stopped to properly think about what she was like. 

"I thought the effects of mental health in bonds was not a confirmed thing," Jungkook wondered.

The manager shrugged with a long sigh and arched eyebrows, his eyes still on his phone scrolling through the conversation with their other manager. 

"Barely anything about soulmate bonds is. Currently, her mental health being the cause is their best guess so far," he admitted, then read on some of the texts in his hand while showing them the screen vaguely. "Despite the time lost, neither Hoseok nor his Soulmate are physically unhealthy, so the doctor’s are unsure of what else could explain their current… Well, to put it simply, coma. They apparently have tried everything so far, and still nothing."

More silence. The words felt as surreal to them as they were horrifying... Coma. ICU… Hoseok was ok just a few hours ago. They were all talking to him, laughing even, that same day. How was this happening so fast? 

"Will they wake up?" Jimin pretty much whispered. Seokjin, who was sitting beside him, put a hand on his shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. 

The manager sighed through a tight smile.

"The doctor's are hopeful, but… they don't know yet."

"I mean, they have to. Right?" Namjoon interjected, looking between everyone with a hand thoughtfully on his chin. "They're together, the bond should help them heal up. Right?"

Small smile, comforting looks… But no answer.

"...Right?" His tone was now a faltering mumble. Yoongi, beside him, pat his forearm soothingly, but didn't meet his eyes.

"Hope so." It was all the manager said.

The rest of the plane ride was made in heavy, uncomfortable silence. Seokjin and Yoongi did their best to quietly reassure the others, to focus on the positive side and the hope that at least they were together now, but it was hard for any of them to feel all that relieved now. Each in their seats, all members were back in their phones and computers until the landing, all research came back with renewed focus and fuel. Bonds and mental health, soulmate induced coma… the more they looked it up, and shared good and bad findings into their group chat… the heavier and darker the inside of that plane seemed. 

Albeit rare even amongst the small population of soulmates around the world, the situation Hoseok was in wasn't unheard of. And the prospect of one or both soulmates not resisting the strain and passing the rest of their days like that - unconscious - wasn't either. Some soulmates remained comatose indefinitely, barely holding on to life.

“They say a few of the side effects to bonds like that are lack of resistance for both parties,” Jimin narrated to Jungkook and Seokjin, who sat beside him. “Even if just one of them is more dependent, both end up needing the skinship and tiring more quickly.”

“ How quickly is that?” Seokjin asked, looking away of his own phone.

“A few times a day, minimum.” Jimin frowned. 

Jungkook, between them, frowned as he stared at Jimin’s phone.

“It can be improved with physiotherapy though, right?” Yoongi asked from the seat in front of Jungkook. 

“It’d still take time for both bodies to adapt,” Jimin sighed, frowning as well. “The album is just around the corner, is it going to be time enough?”

“As long as Hobi is alive, all else can be managed,” Seokjin interjected, though his eyes seemed clouded with tense worry as well. “Again. He won’t be the first idol with a soulmate, nor the last. And they all mostly manage it.”

Jimin arched an eyebrow. “ ‘Mostly? ’”

Jungkook let out a half-grunted sigh, rubbing his face. Jimin sighed heavily, biting his lip before patting the maknae’s arm comfortingly. 

“Why… Why Hoseok-hyung of all people?” Jungkook mumbled back after his hands fell back, leaning to the chair. “Things were going so well...” 

“Don’t belittle us like that. Or him, for that matter.” Seokjin nudged Jungkook’s ribs with a serious look, though his eyes and voice were soft. “It’s Hoseok we’re talking about here. Having his stamina possibly impaired is not the same as losing his legs, it’s not like he’ll let his life wither out because of that.”

“I don’t think Hoseok would stop dancing even if He did lose his limbs.” Namjoon chuckled in the seat beside Yoongi’s, nodding. 

“It might be trickier from now on, but we’ll be fine.” Seokjin nodded and winked. “If I can keep up with our fucking choreos, a half-fueled Hoseok still can do it too with his eyes closed.” 

That time, Jungkook chuckled with them too. In front of them, Yoongi and Namjoon peeked at their conversation from in between the seats, Namjoon also quietly chuckling and Yoongi with a brief nod of his own. Some more silence ensued, though a little lighter this time.

“Is it gonna be ok though?” Jungkook frowned quietly a little after, asking quietly to no one in particular. Jimin, Tae and Namjoon in front, all turned to him. “I mean, mental health issues… That can be a number of things.”

“Why wouldn’t it be ok?” Namjoon raised an eyebrow. 

“I, I mean,” Jungkook cocked his head to the side, thoughtful. “We all had our issues here and there, don’t get me wrong. But… To actually affect a soulmate bond like this … All these articles agree it has to be some pretty heavy issue, most regular things don’t run deep enough.”

They stayed quiet for a bit, exchanging thoughtful looks. The previous peace their brief laughter had brought them was gone. It wasn’t like none of them had not considered it… The panic attack was worrisome enough, sure, but... To be rooted into something deep enough to drive Hobi into a coma…? 

In the seat in front of Jin, Yoongi shifted, not looking at them. 

“Do they know what she has?” Taehyung asked.

“Not reall-- hold on,” Namjoon sighed, before scooching over to one of their managers and muttering something. 

“Which ones do they usually speak of?” Yoongi asks quietly. 

Jungkook pulls his phone up and quickly swipes across something, before clearing his throat and reading it out quietly to them. “The usual diagnosis that have shown interference with soulmate bonds have been disorders related to emotional dysregulation and panic. Some that are worth mention include, but are not limited to: PTSD, Panic Disorders, acute phobias, Severe depression--”

"How does depression fit into those?" Seokjin asked, curious. "I mean, emotional dysregulation, sure, but…"

"Depending on how deep it goes, depressive episodes can lower your heart rate." Yoongi added, thoughtful. "Plus, it usually makes you not want to do anything, which affects stamina on the long run. Makes sense." 

"Oh. Right. had not thought of that." Seokjin nodded awkwardly, scratching his neck. "Sorry. Continue."

Jungkook waited for a bit to see if anyone had other questions, before continuing his reading again from where he left off. 

"... autism, ADHD, anger management issues, and BPD."

"I don't know what half of those acronyms mean…" Jimin admitted, sighing. "ADHD is an attention deficit and hyperactivity, right?"

Seokjin nodded.

"PTSD stands for Post traumatic Stress Disorder. Like, from war veterans and other severe trauma victims." He explained dutifully though his expression fell a bit not long after. "The BPD one though…"

"Borderline Personality Disorder," Namjoon butted in with a heavy sigh, his eyes glued to his phone before he turned to them better from over his seat. "Manager hyung sent me the info they have so far. That one is apparently part of her diagnosis, along with severe depression and mild social anxiety."

They all quickly started typing in the name in their phones, a few asking Namjoon to repeat it so they could get it right. Meanwhile though, Namjoon continued sharing his own results quietly to no one in particular… and it didn't make any of them feel any better.

"BPD is a personality disorder linked mainly to a person's social life and their perception of themselves." He read from his phone, somberly. "It's called 'borderline' because it is an emotional dysregulation disorder that causes patients to border more severe, psychosis-related disorders."

Several pairs of eyes widened to the last word, exchanging shocked looks. 

"Whoa, wait-- psychosis?" Seokjin gaped. Namjoon nodded with arched eyebrows and a long sigh.

"Some of the main symptoms are intense fear of abandonment, unstable relationships and paranoia," Namjoon cleared his throat and continued, lowering his tone a bit once a few curious eyes started to turn their way from the rows ahead, "Paired with very distorted self-image issues, intense emotions, manipulative behavior, impulsivity and oftentimes addiction…"

They all stayed silent as he continued, reading on their own phones and tablets the same sort of facts. When Namjoon stopped his narrative, continuing his reading in silence, Taehyung sighed and rubbed both hands across his face exhaustedly.

"... Still wanna tell me this isn't a Saesang?" Tae mumbled with a long, cold look to Jin, who shifted in his seat uncomfortably. He frowned at him angrily, but didn't retort. 

"Every case is different, like with any mental disorder," Yoongi voiced, eyes still on his phone. "Don't go jumping to conclusions just from what you take out of google."

Tae, Jimin and the others raised an eyebrow to his comment - even some of their managers in the background. After reading some more, Yoongi realized his audience and sighed, complying to an explanation by quoting part of his own research.

"Borderline is a severely misunderstood disorder, and has one of the highest suicide rates of all mental disorders," Yoongi quietly read on, "'killing over 10% of its carriers, not to number all the frequently misdiagnosed cases.' Add that to how common the disorder is… it makes for one scary death-patient ratio."

All of them were silent for the rest of the trip.

Chapter Text

○

《Nina P.O.V.》

○

Nina wasn't all that conscious when the humming of machinery came back. She didn't want to be. However, when a slow, steady beeping joined it... her heart tightened in defeat. Her mind was hazy, still too numb and floaty to grasp any solid facts, but awake enough to understand: if the beeping was back, she was still alive. She had survived… 

And that could only mean they found him. 

She knew it wasn’t right…Nina had not felt that grim urge in years now, and she had foolishly believed she wasn't ever going to feel it again in those last few months. Things were finally working out; she had a good job that she loved, and that she didn't need to be around people all the time. Contact and support from her sister. Her own home… Life was finally giving her a little hope. A little comfort and reward... It felt like a dream, one she didn't want to wake up from. 

And yet… There it was again. That grim, rotten piece of her that Nina thought she had left behind… that resented this miraculous rescue. This second-- well, in her case, third chance. 

Why. Why did the world insist so fucking much on keeping her alive, when she didn't really want to be?

She knew it was her stupid BPD acting up. Twisting her wishes and reasoning, feeding her depression and worst anxieties. Deepening and intensifying her emotions... Nina really, honestly knew. But knowing why she felt the way she did didn't make it any easier to handle it. It didn't help her feel less ashamed and weak, as therapy and her doctor believed it should. 

With all Nina knew her survival implied, the desire to give up felt far stronger than her stubborn grip on hope and life. Which was sickly ironic, considering her partner’s identity. 

Hoseok… 'J- Hope '...

She still couldn't believe it. He was… Really her soulmate? What kind of sick joke was that? It couldn't be real. Who in heaven and hell would ever think pairing up such lively, social, sunshine to a broken, suicidal mess of an introvert like Nina?! Either this was a punishment for her pathetic weakness against her own heart, or he was not what he seemed, and actually deserved that kind of suffering. However illogical it sounded to her. It wouldn't be Nina's first time misjudging people. Trusting angels who were actually rotten demons only she was stupid enough to believe in...

Before panic could settle in all over again, Nina did her best to hold on to whatever rationality she could muster. For her sister's sake. For her cowardice to own up to disappointing her and indirectly murdering anyone. Regardless of what she felt, her death was not her own to embrace alone anymore. Even that freedom had been taken away from her now… though, despite resenting it, she wasn't surprised by. Nina had lost that right, after all - having already attempted once. 

Rationalize it as usual. Slowly. A step at a time. don't trust your mind - you know you can't, she chanted to her own mind, the same way her therapist had taught her. The same way she did regularly, every time her mind tried to get back on that particular line of thought. Hold on to what you can control, to what you can confirm, and let go of all else. Focus on what is solid, regardless of which option is real. That way, there will be less chance to panic. Less surprises. You HAVE been here before, come on.

However good or bad he might be behind his mask, this bond could be a good thing in some ways. Sure being tied to someone she didn't know for the rest of her life was still terrible, but... If he was who she believed in, then, maybe… maybe she could learn from him. Be influenced by his persona, maybe grow a bit more; plus, no longer being the only one affected by her choice to live or die was surely a decent safety measure for someone like her. She always had wanted to travel, too. See the world… The people always around was a pretty good challenge too, even if far beyond her current triggering limit. Anxiety was gonna go through the roof, Nina was not looking forward to the exhaustion it’d give her, but… who knows. She had thought she couldn't survive life before, yet here she still was. Being always wrong had its perks, in moments like this. Even when she highly doubted she would be. 

If he was bad though, if he was another twisted manipulating person life had thrown her way… especially when portraying himself as such a good, fun, loving person… adored innocently by so many...

Well…

Maybe Nina's lack of strength to hold on and stay alive in the end wouldn't be a sinful thing…? Still wrong, sure. Still fucked up and disappointing, absolutely. But… well… she supposed that if she were to cause a bad, manipulative person to die maybe her ticket to hell would save at least a few naive people out there from being used and lied to like she had been. Right…?

Ugh. Who was she fooling…

Even as pathetically depressed as she felt for having survived, she could never feel good about that.  Nina hated herself, sure, but she was not egoistic enough to be murderer. 

She was ok with thinking of it as punishment, though. That she could do. And it made sense: punishment for making Raquel suffer so much, for being such a burden to her despite all her sister's efforts to help her, for not standing up to those manipulating, terrible people when she still had a choice. For not being smarter and stronger when her connection to toxic people didn't have ties to their life.  If it was life’s way of punishing her for not agreeing with reality in the first place; locking her with someone that had in their routine and personality everything she wasn’t , everything she feared and felt guilty for not being capable of handling… then she was ok with it too. She did deserve so, she supposed. 

Slowly, muffled conversation and other sensations began to be progressively more present, confirming her feared resolution even more, and bringing her sluggish reasoning further elements to work with: 

There were voices that she knew, talking with some she didn't. A mix of languages she knew, but also didn't… so many voices. Her heart shuddered to the prospect, feeling now even heavier than before, so she tried to focus on something else. There was an uncomfortable scent of plastic every time she breathed in, mixed with a weird fusion of cleaning products, metal and sterile air. Her entire body was stiff and heavy, completely sagged against the texture of uncomfortably rash bedsheets… 

There was a warm, gentle pressure holding her hand… And a cozy, relieving sort of... feeling , seeping into her from it. Helping her breathe, soothing the ache and numbness in her muscles, like warm water or a long loving hug. It was odd, yet familiar, and it somehow made her want to cry. That feeling felt stronger and stronger the more she focused on it. It clung to her, like those songs did when…

Another hand held her own suddenly, tightly, while the previous one stiffened around her other one. Almost backing away, but not letting go. The sensation shook her out of her thoughts, curiosity mingling to confusion. Bernardo wasn’t one to hold her hand, and him and Raquel were the only ones that--

Realization hit Nina like a cold, painful pile of rocks. The slow beeping in the background suddenly spiked into an uneven frenzy. Someone gasped, but the sound was too hazy for her to recognize it. 

Two sets of hands. And she was still alive… There was only one explanation, but Nina wasn’t sure she was ready to face it. Her eyes remained closed, even if her quicker breathing gave Nina away. The voices around her halted, then rose in volume and agitation. 

“... it off.” she heard Raquel whisper, with urgency. “Trust me, you don’t want to see how this follows with those on.”

“But, miss --”

“Take. It. Off.” Raquel demanded menacingly. Something tingled somewhere down her lower body. “NOW.”

 Nina couldn’t fully figure out what was done, but the sensation that followed was relieving; yet… somewhat cold. Like part of that soft, warm presence close by had now weakened. She frowned. It felt wrong... whatever it was. She tried shifting around in search of it, but as her thigh brushed against something warm, skin like, her heart somersaulted again. The beeping spiked with it. There was another gasp, pained and surprised; a male voice, far closer than she’d like. 

Panic sunk deeper and her heart drummed against her ribcage. Nina tried leaning both legs away, but her body was still not responding - only one leg moved, and very barely at that. If at all. Her muscles felt like rocks, cramped in place… how long had she been asleep for? Had he been there that close all this time? Were they alone? No, Raquel wouldn't let them… Right? Not knowing the answer was nauseating. 

“Nina? Maninha? (little sis)” Raquel’s voice was closer now, clearer… But the fear and fragility tainting it’s tone broke Nina’s heart in half. The beeping spiked once more, though more slowly. Nina had hoped she’d never hear that vulnerable, exhausted tint in her sister’s voice again… Especially not because of her. “Shhh, Shhh. It’s ok. It’s ok love. I’m here, you’re safe...”

Something was said in another language again, somewhere opposite to where her sister was. Then more whispers, movement, steps approaching quickly together with a vague clicking of metal and wood. Closer to the warm, relaxing sensation she had a pretty solid guess about what likely was by now. She focused on her sister’s voice though, trying her best to block all else. It didn’t work at first… But then, slowly her heart started slowing down. A wave of numbing, warm dizziness washed over her once, followed by more steps now going away. Had they done something? 

“Come on, slowpoke. You slept enough already, don't you think?” Raquel laughed with no real humor, still speaking softly. The hand on her left tightened its grasp, and Nina did her best to return it. 

It took a moment, but at some point her eyes cracked open. Nina had to close them again though, the brightness of the light colored hospital room made her head spin. After blinking a couple times more, slowly  she was able to get used to it and finally look around. The murmurs around sounded like a blurred mix of sighs, gasps, and whispers of words she was not familiar with - which did her best to ignore. 

As soon as the brightness became colors and shapes, her sister’s face right in front of her was all Nina could see. She was frowning, staring wide-eyed with both her hands enveloping Nina’s limp one. She had no makeup on. There were deep eye bags under her eyes, her usually pretty hair was slightly disheveled, tied sloppily into a bun. Raquel looked so broken. So worried and exhausted…  

“Oh thank god...” Raquel’s worried frown broke into a sob, and she dived against Nina to hug her close without lifting her up the bed. Still holding her hand tightly, both arms around Nina’s shoulders and the one on her side shaking. Nina’s vision blurred again with tears and so she closed her eyes, resting her head against her sister’s hair and letting her cry. “I thought I told you never to scare me like this again. Damn you...” 

Nina wanted to talk. To apologize, assure her she was ok... But no words came out. All she could do was lean against her sister’s hair and hold her hand a bit tighter. Crying together with her. Trying not to let the guilt-ridden sorrow inside her drown her. 

“...Or’y...” Nina forced herself to croak out, but her voice came out so weak she had barely heard it herself. 

She could feel her sister’s tears sliding down her neck and shoulder, still shaking as she continued to try and make her voice work. Trying to make up for her lack of effort with this, to apologize for her broken promise... 

God… When was Nina going to stop being a  problem? 

“... S’rry… Sorry...”

Nina’s voice came out nasal-y and raspy, not yet really awake. Her mouth still felt kind of numb, and she could feel something set in her nose - though it didn’t obstruct her breathing. Still on oxygen aid, Nina guessed. And now that she thought of it, the sudden drowsiness from before likely was an IV dosage of sedatives. They had done it before, the last times she had panicked. No wonder she was still so numb even though she felt a bit more awake. 

Raquel remained a while longer there, simply hugging her down. The conversations Nina had heard in the background had stopped all together. After breathing deep and sniffling, Raquel shuffled away from her, sighing as she wiped Nina’s tears and her own gently with her hands. Her expression was a little softer now, relieved. There was a wide - even if tired - smile on her face. 

"You're ok. It's ok." She smiled, in a mix of relief and comforting forgiveness. “It’s not your fault. It’s fine, everything will be fine.”

Nina closed her eyes again for a moment, expression twisting to the sound of those words, trying not to cry again. Trying to believe her. Not to worry her even further than she already had... at least for a little while longer. 

A tap over her sister’s shoulder broke them both out of that comfortable moment. There were steps, and a blurred shadow of someone looming a little behind Raquel. She peeked back at them, nodded with a sigh, then stepped away. Her hands remained on Nina’s though, holding her tight as she sat beside the bed to her left to give room to the stranger.  

Nina had to blink quite a few more times before the room came into enough focus for her to identify anyone, and the stranger waited patiently. Even after a long while though, it was no use; without her glasses, whoever that was still looked just like a humanoid blob of brownish and white tones. She could tell from the broad proportions it was a man. Likely a doctor, if the overwhelming amount of white over his clothes were indeed a lab coat as Nina guessed. 

“Nina?” the man’s voice called. It had a calm, gentle tone. She knew him, but her mind was still too numb to pinpoint anything further. “ Consegue me ouvir? (Can you hear me?) ”

The lack of focus was starting to give her a headache, but Nina nodded regardless. She tried blinking a couple more times, but the mess of colors and lack of depth was starting to make her dizzy. Ugh, it was frustrating having faulty eyes… 

“This is Dr. Marcel. Remember me?” The man continued slowly, still in Portuguese, sitting by the side of the bed. He waited a bit, but Nina simply continued blinking. Marcel… Right. The tall friendly doctor from before. Nina nodded again. “How do you feel?”

“I--” Nina croaked, then tried clearing her throat as the dryness of if stung the back of her tongue. She blinked once more, shut her eyes tightly for a bit, but sighed heavily when it still didn’t help. She turned to Raquel, shyly. “...’lasses...”

“What?” Her sister cooed quickly, leaning closer. 

“...’y glass’s…”

“OH! They’re here.” Raquel turned around and reached for somewhere beyond Nina’s line of sight, then turned back with the familiar blurred outline of her specs. 

Nina sighed as they came close enough to be in focus, instinctively reaching up to grab them with her right hand, so she didn’t have to let go of Raquel’s hands, but… Her hand didn’t move. And, rather, now more awake, she could now clearly feel there was indeed someone else’s hand over her own to her other side. The emotion of seeing her sister had almost made her forget it. She tensed, and around her the beeping spiked once more. The grasps over her right hand, too, seemed to stiffen ever so slightly, but had no other reaction beyond it. 

“Shh. It’s ok. I got you, don’t worry.” Raquel cooed to her, breaking Nina’s mind out of her slight panic with a warm hushed smile. “Don’t move for now, it’s ok. Take it slow.”

“...Sorry...” Nina mumbled, breathing in and out slowly. Still not looking to her right.

“I am going to examine you now, is that ok?” Dr. Marcel asked, pushing a button down the machinery beside Nina. 

The beeping that marked the pace of her heart was silenced, and Nina sighed in relief. She smiled weakly when the Dr. sat back on the bedside, trying to express to him her gratitude. He had a small lantern in his hand and the Stethoscope around his neck. Nina let herself focus on him, breathing in slowly again and nodding to his previous question.

It didn’t take long. The doctor asked her a few questions to probe her memory, like the date and her name, her sister’s name and where they lived. He examined her eyes with the lantern and checked her breathing with the stethoscope, asking as well if she had any pain or any part of herself she couldn’t feel properly. It took less than a couple minutes, but it helped ground her mind into something other than the hand holding her own in that bed for at least a while longer. 

“Everything seems ok for now. Your body is responding well.” he concluded with a relieved smile and a nod. “Take it easy for now, but try to stay awake for a while longer, ok? The nurse will be back to check on you soon.”

“Thank you, doctor. Thank you.” Raquel nodded to him teary-eyed. 

He chuckled and patted her shoulder gently, before stepping away towards the door. Now that she noticed, the room she was in was different from the previous one… Wider, more well-furnished and with a lot more machinery. The bed felt different too, and she could see a wide glass panel across one of the walls behind the spot Raquel was sitting. For a second, Nina almost continued observing and scanned the right side of the room…

But when her eyes reached the right-end of the bed and her eyes glimpsed what looked like a second pair of feet, her eyes immediately darted back to Raquel. Another hitch of a breath echoed besides her, the other side of the ties binding her arm tensing and shifting uncomfortably at the panicked skip of a beat her own heart had just given.

She was stalling, she knew. They knew, too… Even if the beeping of the machines was off, the spikes of her panicky heart were still visible on the colorful screen displayed above her head on the bedside. Part of her felt embarrassed about her blatant cowardice, but another felt somewhat thankful for no one of the other occupants of the room to be calling her out on it yet. 

Raquel brushed the back of her hand gently, which made Nina's eyes go up to see her. She was frowning again, but her smile was still there. A bit tight, even more tired, but sympathetically. Understanding. Nina wanted to look away, ashamed despite her sister's lack of judgment, but all she managed was to close her eyes and sigh ever so slightly. Trying to keep it unnoticed - not to be misunderstood, or be rude. She heard Raquel sigh too, then one of her hands cupped her cheek gently, cooing her to look At her again. Nina complied, though her lips quivered a bit.

"...You're gonna have to face him eventually." Raquel said with a worried expression, still in the privacy of their native tongue. 

Nina's eyes shut again, and another shaky sigh ensued. Raquel let go of her face and pecked the back of Nina's hand gently, her eyes encouragingly observing Nina when she opened her eyes again. They were still cast aside, still unsure and uneasy… even if she knew Raquel was right. She always was, and indeed… it was no use to delay something like this. Nina's gaze met her sisters again, drinking in the silent message they bore; it's ok, you got this. I'm here with you. It'll all be ok.

Nina… did owe her at least that much, didn't she? and him too. God knows in what state he had been in until now, because of her weakness…

So, after one last, deep intake of breath… she turned her face upwards and slowly peeked aside. 

There were three other people in the room, standing on the other side of the double bed she was laying in. A short nurse, and an asian couple. There was a couch on the other side, just like in the area she saw on Raquel's side of the room. In the bed her right leg and arm had straps around them, though the leg ones were loose and her leg slightly away from another one. A man's leg, also bare under the hospital gown like she seemed to be. Considering how her arm was still bound to his arm, Nina presumed the leg used to be too, an idea that drew in an uncomfortable wave of nausea back to her. 

She moved her right leg more away slightly on impulse, before bracing herself and looking up to the face laying on a pillow beside her own. The face she had seen so many times in pictures and videos. 

Hoseok was far more handsome in person than through a screen, even looking so pale and weak like right now. Nina was again thankful for the sedatives they gave her, because he was so close; their arms were side by side up to their shoulders, his head on a pillow beside hers, half-leaning her way. There was nothing intrusive or suggestive about his stance or posture, but, knowing her triggers, Nina was sure waking up this close to anyone would get her close to an anxiety fit if it wasn't for the medication. His hair was a bit messy, of a faded orange tone, skin pale but of a beautiful tan undertone that pictures and recordings didn't do justice. 

He was looking at her with wide, uneasy eyes, expression stiff in a mix of awkward patience and worried discomfort. That expression felt weird in those eyes, in that face. The face she had so much trouble getting right in her sketches, with all its soft lines yet handsome, sharp masculine features. The face that always looked so friendly, carefree and warm. That had given her so much comfort and strength in her bad days.

Tears were pouring down behind her glasses before Nina could hold them back. Hoseok's expression, which was very uncomfortable but had a small weak half smile edged on it, became a deep frown. She gulped, trying to swallow down the tears already threatening to come out, and force up a smile… Tough neither task ended up properly completed.

"Uhm…I-I’m--.... Uhm, Hi…." Nina muttered in english, chuckling through anxiety, before her shaky smile broke. She cursed herself for being so pathetically unable to keep her voice steady. "I-Im….I'm, I'm so … So s- sorry… F-f-for--…"

The dam broke. She shut her eyes, trying desperately to swallow them back, breathe in deep and push her poker face back up; she had already given them all so much trouble, she NEEDED to be stronger than this. She needed to make up for it… But it was no use. Her hands and lips were shaking, her low intake of breath too. 

She felt both Raquel's hand tighten around her own… and, to her surprise, the hand that was tied to Hoseok's too. Nina looked up with a blush of shame, more easily forcing out an apologetic smile as she shook her head to try and brush those tears away.

"No, no cry, no… uh…" 

He mumbles to her anxiously in english as well, and it's odd for Nina for a moment to realize how different his voice sounds when this quiet and in person. It's not menacing, but deeper, still gentle but in a different way.

He turned around and said something in korean, and the short nurse approached them with a nod.

"He said he is sorry, too," the nurse translated quietly. "It's not your fault, so please don't cry..."

It was though. She knew it was fault, her mental health's fault, her broken personality's fault… But she couldn't bring herself to voice it. To question their politeness about it… she wasn't sure she could handle being accused about it right now.

"Please?" Hoseok's hand gently tightened around hers, the one that was bound to him. Nina tensed up to the feeling, surprised, and he immediately relaxed his grip - well, as much as the binds allowed. "Uh  s-sorry…"

Nina breathed in and shook her head, gulping her impulse away. 

"Sorry. Uhm. Y-yeah, it's, it's ok…" she mumbled, though the statement didn't reach her eyes. "...You alright?"

The nurse quietly translated it to him in the background, and he chuckled lightly, his eyebrows arched as the nurse translated back to Nina his reply.

"I should be the one asking you that." He mumbled, and the nurse translated just as quietly. "Nina, right?"

Nina nodded vaguely, not meeting his eyes. Some silence ensued, then Hoseok cleared his throat. 

"I'm, uh… I'm ok.” He nodded, then asked tentatively. “Are you ?"

Nina peeked up to him again, the awkward worry in his eyes weighting on her previous thoughts. How should she answer that? Lying felt difficult, considering her visible state. But then again, how could she just be honest about it?

"...I'm alive." It's what she settled on muttering, laughing a bit more derisively than she hoped,  with a tilt of her head. Then, trying to save it, she nodded and lied. “I-I will be.” 

She could feel him watching her for a short moment, as her eyes fled to the bedsheets, his thin cheeks or the bridge of his nose; anywhere but his eyes, but still unable to risk being rude and look away.

"Uhm. I’m… Glad." He said a little after, awkwardness more prominent now. 

More silence. Despite her best efforts, some tears escaped Nina and she sighed.

"I… be-because of me… you… we…" Nina started shakily, though her mind was a little clearer now as the medicine numbness started to kick in. "If I had realized sooner, you… I..." 

"It's fine, it's fine…" Hoseok and the nurse repeated. "It's ok."

Nina shut her eyes, trying to focus. Stop. You’re spiraling, its panic. Breathe… Focus. One step at a time. Slow down, and suck it up. Making a fuss like this, making excuses and apologizing won’t help, never has. You KNOW that. She stayed like that, just focusing on her breathing and heartbeat. Following the grounding routine she knew by heart now, especially through the last few days. Hearing her therapist’s voice and instructions in the back of her mind, focusing on the warmth of Raquel’s hand instead of her other one. 

This was no time to be weak. This was no time to let herself be her usual, victimized self. She had no more choice about that matter, she was not the only one who’d be damaged by her lack of self-control and lenience anymore. 

“I’ll… I’m, I’m a mess. Sorry… I know. And I’m, I’m slow, but…” She began once her mind and body were a bit more stable, not forcing her eyes to try and seem cheerful, but smiling with an honest promise of her best effort and bravery. However meek they  were right now - being still so pale, shaking so much, and feeling so half-assed through her own words. “I’ll… It’ll do my best. I, I promise. Not to--to be a problem. I will…I, I swear…”

The nurse took a moment to translate it, while Nina shakely forced herself to hold Hoseok’s gaze, wanting him to know she meant it - no matter how much she barely believed it would be enough. He frowned with an odd expression as the nurse repeated it for him, but smile and brushed his thumb over her hand gently. Smiling softly and nodding to her, a calming ease joining his odd, uncomfortable gaze.

“Believe you. I-- It’s ok. It’s ok… I promise too. Don’t worry.” He said himself in broken english, quietly. Softly. As someone trying not to scare a small, wounded animal. “Nice to meet you.”

Then, with his other hand, extended it across the bed. She chuckled, feeling herself blush out of shame and odd shyness, letting go of Raquel’s hand and - still more shakily than she’d like - weakly shook his hand.

“N-Nice to… Meet you too.” Nina sighed through a small nod.

After they had this brief exchange, the couple from before stepped closer, the woman - a middle aged lady with a pretty small roundish face, short hair and a kind smile - held his hand and smiled at him proudly. Hoseok peeked at her, then sighed a little more relaxed and held her hand back, turning to talk to them. The man beside her was a tall, skinny man around the same age, with tall cheekbones and a long nose. 

Maybe it was whatever sedatives they gave her, but it took Nina a moment to process that, considering they were allowed in there, that meant they were probably his family. And, paying closer attention, she could see the resemblances. The man had the same long face as Hoseok, who himself had the same small nose and delicate eyes as the woman… His parents, maybe?

The notion made a different thought cross Nina's mind, and her eyes went towards Raquel with a hesitant question. Her sister was looking at the couple thoughtfully before noticing Nina's look, but when she did - Raquel sighed and looked down, holding her hand tighter. 

The darkness in the back of Nina's mind snorted a loud chuckle as her heart felt a pang of hurt. She had thought maybe Raquel would've told them when she passed out, not to be alone there, but… Of course they wouldn't come. Why would they bother? To confirm even better all that drove them away in the first place? 

"Bibi is waiting for you, in the lobby," Raquel gently broke Nina out of her thoughts, a small sad smile in her lips. "Ber has been looking after her in the hotel, but they come to the waiting room every day. She is the star of the waiting room."

Nina smiled at the mention of that name, and the mental image of her in the center of all that attention. Bibi. Her baby. Oh, how nice it'd be to give her puppy a good, long snuggle right now...

"She must be loving it." Nina chuckled weakly in Portuguese.

Raquel nodded and chuckled too.

"Big time."

"Can I see her?" Nina asked tentatively, even though she could guess the answer. Raquel gave her a tight smile, uneasy.

"I don't know… maybe. I can ask, if you want." She offered, though her hand held Nina's tighter as she said so. 

Nina shook her head lightly, holding her sister's hand a bit closer.

"Stay. Please." She whispered. 

Raquel brought Nina's hand up to her lips and kissed the back of it gently. "Not going anywhere."

More silence. 

"How long have I…?" 

"Almost 3 days," Raquel sighed with dark eyes. Nina frowned, but tried not to apologize again. She knew it would just upset Raquel further. So, instead, she simply nodded.

Beside them Hoseok and his parents talked quietly between each other as well, which helped Nina relax a bit. No pressure to talk to them further, at least for now. Even if she knew it was just postponing the inevitable, it was relieving to have a bit more time to breathe and think by herself. 

"...What happens now?" Nina asked eventually to her sister, in a whisper so low she could barely hear it herself. 

She could feel tears bottling up in the corners of her eyes, but tried to ignore it. Along with the weak, fearful crack that creeped into her tone to that question. Raquel brushed small circles in her hand with both of hers, eyes troubled as well, but remaining strong. Always doing her best to be strong in Nina's place, no matter the cost. Always there right by her side, holding her hand, grounding her to safety and reality…

God. How would Nina manage now without her?

"I don't know." Raquel smiled quietly, but the pain in her expression invalidated it. She was lying, too - Nina could see in the way her eyebrows knit together in a guilty frown, and her eyes shook with forming tears of her own -, which made the prospect of the real answer even worse. "But you'll be fine-- We'll , we'll be fine. I'll be here with you until all is settled, and after too. One way or the other. As always. Ok?"

Nina closed her eyes, breathing in deep and slow so she could force herself not to shake, while a few of those yelled up tears escaped her. Raquel said nothing, simply waited. Still holding her hand between both of her own, still keeping it close to her chest. When Nina opened her eyes back up, Raquel's eyes were still on her, waiting for her answer - even though Nina was sure she knew. 

"Scared." Nina admitted, again in a hollow whisper, looking away. 

Scared of testing her own limits so far, so quickly. Scared of living away on her own, so suddenly - even if it had been her dream to in the long run. Scared of not being able to hold up to her promises to herself and her sister on her own. Scared of all the expectations she was sure she wouldn't be able to meet - her own, of the new strangers she'd be surely surrounded of now, and of those men - especially the ones of BTS, the 7 men she had always been comforted by in her lonely, broken excuse of a life. Of facing how much of a burden and a discomfort she likely already was for them, considering this situation, the coma, and her stupid panic. Her stupid denial to even consider the dream could be real, which was why they got put so close to death.

"I know. I know, honey. And that's ok. You can do this, even if you're scared. We can do this." Raquel cooed, brushing her tears gently away with one hand and brushing her hair. Nina breathed in deep and slowly again, still trying not to shake. Still trying not to let her soulmate and his guests notice her pathetic breakdown, so they could have a break from pretending she mattered. "Let's just… take one step at a time, ok? As always. It'll be ok. You've beat worse demons before-- and you won't be alone through it, either."

Nina sighed a long breath out, lost in her sister's gaze, grounding her hectic thoughts to it, to her words - before nodding lightly and relaxing a bit. True. It was true. Didn't make it any less difficult or terrifying, but truthful nonetheless. And that was better than the alternative right now. 

"Sorry... Thank you." She whispered after a bit, nestling to her sister's hand and closing her eyes before Raquel pulled it away.

"You're fine." Her sister smiled.

Chapter Text

○

《Hobi P.O.V.》

Hoseok wasn’t sure what he had been expecting their first conversation would be like… Well, ok, maybe he had a few ideas. Some from his own making, and some given before his conversations with Raquel. He had had many different experiences meeting fans so far, and their reactions to meeting him varied from a normal person’s greeting, to excitement, shock or even emotional overload. Some were scary to witness, honestly… and some were touching. 

What had formerly been a dreaded meeting with someone of the first option, turned into a gray idea of a more normal, shy sort of reaction after all Raquel had explained and scolded him on. And he did his best to steel his mind and heart for either option - after all, honest or not, Raquel was family. The one kind of opinion that rarely wasn’t exaggerated in the positive lights of another, when it came out to other people. 

He knew well since he was guilty of the same about his own family, and his own band members, constantly. It was inevitable even when he was actively trying to be brutally impartial and honest. So he tried to prepare for both, and see how they could work into a healthy middleground from there; like it or not, true or not, this person would now be a permanent part of his life. The sooner he accepted it the better. Hell, a part of him even tried to prepare for a hurtful, hateful reaction like his own had been in a way. He couldn’t really blame her if she did, all things considered. 

His heart flared in anxiousness when she began stirring, expectant and afraid of which of the possibilities she’d prove him, a small panic about suddenly feeling unprepared - much like before a first time performing a new song or concert. Her slow awakening helped him compose himself, thankfully… But then, when he was about ready… In a blink of an eye or less, his heart jumped. 

It ached and raced, throbbing against his ribs hard enough to knock air out of him. It threw him off guard and he gasped, overwhelmed by how suddenly his breathing became uneven and his chest hit as if he had been punched. He felt ready to run a marathon, restless, but also frozen, all at once. 

The familiarity the previous day and night had given him to this space and the people in it suddenly buried under a layer of irrational, foreign feelings. The room felt wider and darker for no reason, so empty and big yet so suffocating. Hoseok had the urge to look behind him, around him, as if ghosts of hands and stares were surrounding him, just out of his peripheral vision and reach. His body was heavy, too heavy, cramped in spite of the restless urge to move. To run. To hide. To fight. To cry. To throw up… All at once. 

Was this what a panic attack felt like? Was it her panic, or his own?

He wasn’t sure, he couldn’t tell. He felt lost, vulnerable, in danger… His mind was spinning from one thought to the other chaotically, without being able to hold any for more than a second. He partially knew this wasn’t… his, but… at the same time, he didn’t? It felt like it was his, but it made no sense to be. None of it made any sense… 

It was disorienting, invasive, confusing…

Terrifying.  

As Sueli rushed with something to be added into Nina’s IV, though, it softened. And a wave of relief seeped through that cacophony of sensations, alongside a deep internal sort of exhaustion. It was still there, but numbed, caged under something else, which was helping it subside… Took a moment for him to focus again. 

And then, she was awake. Speaking weakly to Raquel, crying, so very quiet he could barely make out the foreign words. He tried to stay out of it, give them their space and moment, tried to keep what Raquel had told him in mind - backed his own legs out when Nina pushed hers out, to show respect, though the dizziness it brought him once again made him hoof out a gasp. 

He could feel her shaking under their bound hands. She was a tall, big framed woman, about his size… And yet right now, he couldn’t help but wonder how someone could look so small . So fragile, as if the softest of sights could easily make them crumble into dust. 

Hoseok had many experiences meeting his fans. In a way, a part of him felt he could seldom be surprised anymore about their array of emotional responses to meeting him for the first time, both in the good or bad ways. He had spent the last 20 hours trying to prepare himself, to cover all possibilities, to be prepared for this so they could get on with life already. So he could make up for his selfish awakening. 

And yet… When she turned, meeting his eyes for the first time and weakly greeted him, showering him in apologies and shaky small smiles… His mind and heart were completely destroyed, any plan or rehearsed composure completely lost to shock and pain. He tried to hide it, very unsuccessfully… But he couldn’t help it.

Because, in all of his life in and out of BTS, no one had ever looked at him with such fear. 

It wasn’t anxiety or awe, disdain or hate, not even self-consciousness for his opinion… It was actual, deep, genuine and raw… fear. Horror. Nina looked at him and greeted him in kind, humble words, but it was there, in her eyes and the shake of her limbs, the tremor of her lips in every tired word… An intense, underlying and ominous dread, which she desperately trying to hide and fight simply to look his way.

It was suffocating to witness… To see this distorted image of himself reflected in her big amber eyes, as if he was some form of great beast about to beat her into a pulp and devour her at any moment, a brutal murderer, who had just butchered and was about to give her the final blow. A vindictive stalker or persecutor, yelling and glaring at her with hate and rage, eager to pounce and strangle her… 

He froze. Hoseok felt his chest tighten, his eyes water… He had no idea how to process that. 

The dissonance between her kind and warm words and the pale, shaking state her body was in, the struggle that simple action of looking at him seemed to demand of her. The tight, bordering panic again speed his heart was beating in without his own consent, was baffling… But that, now, he wasn’t sure whose it was. He felt guilty, disoriented, his eyes flickering to his parents and Raquel in almost desperate wish to explain himself… what about, he had no idea. And, considering Raquel’s expression, tight and exhausted, she seemed to silently tell him it was ok.

It was a plea for patience, to play along… and an exhausted nudge. A veiled told you so . 

And she did. He understood now, to a haunting degree… Raquel was telling the truth, and without any exaggeration. Hoseok wasn’t sure how he knew, maybe it was part of the bond? He couldn’t figure it out, but even without the obvious visual evidence, he could also…  feel it. It wasn’t like reading thoughts, not really, but… something in the back of his mind just understood the odd, foreign emotions crossing behind her carefully pulled attempts at reassuring him and being optimistic. At being at ease. Being brave. 

She… She was trying so hard … 

Would pointing it out offend her? Would it break her? Would it help? He wasn’t sure, he had no clue. With another silent quick glance at Raquel, she seemed to guess his line of thought and discreetly shake her head. Give her time. Patience. So, with some difficulty, he tried to be as quiet as possible. As still and small as he could, in spite of the raging anxiety and discomfort surging through him. Trying to match her and Raquel’s tone, trying to respect her effort and welcome it. 

Trying to prove her wrong about him. 

Ha… What an irony, wasn’t it?

He thought he had prepared for anything, felt he should try to be understanding since she’d definitely try to prove his former expectations wrong… And here Hoseok was, stunned and caught off guard by how this woman thought of him , desperately trying to think how he could prove her opinion of him wrong. 

“Give her time.” his mother whispered to him once Nina turned to her sister, snapping him out of his stupor. Hoseok gulped, trying to sort through the mess of thoughts, sensations and emotions. “You ok, dear?”

She was frowning, caressing his cheek. His father had his hand on his again. 

“She’s scared of me. She's… terrified. Of me. ” Hoseok confessed, trying to laugh it off, but sounding troubled nonetheless. His mother sighed, remaining silent, and he gulped. “It’s… I don’t know. I…”

“The doctor said that, depending on how deep the bond or dependency runs, it can sometimes happen…” His father nodded quietly, with a small smile. “Getting a sort of ‘emotional leak’, if the emotion is strong enough.”

Hoseok closed his eyes. He knew it even before they said it, both from memory and from the odd, intrusive nature of those feelings early on. Those random bits of information and insight, that he had no logical explanation for, yet still felt so confident about. But… 

But then, if he had been almost overwhelmed by all that panic, the fear… and the dark, hollow… disappointment he felt earlier, and this was just 'a leak'… 

Just how strong those feelings were in her ? 

How was she smiling and apologizing to him, trying to make up to him for… he wasn’t even sure what. Being alive? He wondered if those feelings were something she dealt with often, and it made him shudder. He knew mental health issues were no joke, having had some anxiety problems himself before, but… to live with this … ?

“She went through something that leaves deep scars - especially on a young woman.” His mother sighed, tenderly. “She’s not scared of you , honey… She is scared of  who you remind her of. Who she thinks you might also be, under the surface. Which is all she knows of you: the surface.” 

His mother’s lips on his forehead brought him back to reality again, and her hand on his cheek. Hoseok didn’t notice he had started to cry, but was glad his face was safely turned away so that only his parents could see. He felt exhausted, confused, scared … 

But this time, the feelings were very much his own.

“Just… be patient. It’s nothing you can’t show her not to be the case, with time.” She said, and his father nodded in agreement. “I’m sure it’ll get better, you will see. We will all help, your father and I, and the boys.”

After a period of a bit over 12 hours, Dr. Marcel returned and told Nina she was clear to get some rest. She fell asleep not too long after eating a small meal, still weak from the coma. They didn’t talk much, just shared awkward small smiles and comments on the food. His parent’s introduced themselves to her second-hand with help of Sueli, before going to get some rest in the hotel they had been staying in. 

When he woke up, at some point through the night, Nina was awake. She was observing her sister sleeping, on the couch across the room, seeming lost in thought. Her glasses were on the bedside, leaving her warm honey-colored eyes on full display… She looked healthier, and yet… That image still remained, hauntingly imprinted over her, in his mind: a cracked porcelain doll, only barely glued together. Whole, but about to break again, if moved or even just approached… Especially whenever she fell asleep. 

He wasn’t sure if he should make himself known or not, for a second tempted not to, and just pretend to still be asleep... But he couldn’t run forever. He knew so.

The last drop that broke him out of that inner debacle came in the form of a slight pang of tense pain that shot through his chest when he was distracted, lost in thought. Without meaning to, he had lost himself in that trail of thought while still gazing over in her direction, and Nina had woken up to his dumbfounded staring. Great. He chastised himself, mentally facepalming. Wonderful job at proving you’re not a creep.   Despite her stiffness and their connection making him very aware of her rising fear, she sighed through a small smile and nodded at him. Polite, sweet even.

“Uh, Sorry,” He chuckled, awkwardly. scouring his brain for the broken bits of english he knew to try and convey his intent. “I, uh, uh, d-distracted. Not, uh, looking. Uh, you. Sleep. P-Promise, no. Uh, Sorry…‘

Where was a hole when he needed one? He could feel himself blushing, the blatant stupidity of his wording making him cringe and barely believe himself, even though it was the truth. She blushed, grimacing self-consciously, before shaking her head and shifting in the bed stiffly. 

“Oh, it’s--it-’s ok,” she mumbled, voice still a bit hoarse. “Y-You just…Surprised me.”

He hummed something affirmative, unsure of how to answer. Especially because, with his limited English, he was only partially sure he had understood what she said. This… was definitely going to be a problem, Hoseok mused, making a sour note about needing to up his attempted study hours on English from now on.

“Uhm… Y-You, uh,” He risked, gulping down his hesitation and trying to think how he could most earnestly convey what he wanted to say without needing to call a nurse for it. He wanted to tell her this without anyone close to them, trying to show he meant his words whether or not anyone was looking.  “N-No need to-- uh. scared. Please. I, I promise.”

She blinked, eyes widening in surprise. He tried to continue, encouraged by the odd placid feeling he felt nudging its way in the back of his mind - Jesus, it still felt so weird. Having some inkling of how someone else was feeling, without really being through their words or expression… If that was what that sensation was, of course. 

“I-- Sister, uh-- Raquel-ssi, told me. Of-- Of… uhm, bad things.” he gulped again, feeling a bit guilty. To his luck, she frowned with some confusion for a moment… then went pale. His heart ached in a harsh skipped beat again, and he knew she had understood what he meant. "Uhm. I’m, I’m sorry. But… yeah. You don’t… Don’t need to scared. Really, really. I-- N-No Hurt, or touch, if you no…” 

He fumbled to find the word, grunting in annoyance when he couldn’t find it. 

“Uhm… you, uh, no ok.” He finished lamely, cringing. “Promise.” 

She gulped and stared at him with a troubled expression, the tight feeling in his chest mingling with a complex array of sensations he wasn’t familiar with - emotions, for sure. But… ones that were hard to really describe. He meant every word he said, and Hoseok had been sure to convey his earnest intentions with his gaze locked on hers and tone remaining low and harmless, and it showed she had noticed so. Took it to heart… Her wounded, scarred heart. 

It was heartbreaking, but even without the odd supernatural connection they now shared, he could pinpoint some basics of it - uncertainty, shame on a wound being discovered, worry, renewed fear… but also relief, gratitude, though mellowed under an intense wave of sadness and shock. Hoseok ended up frowning, though he tried his best to smooth it over lest it be misunderstood… he couldn’t help it. 

Just how bad someone ought to be treated and spoken of, and for how long, to be so shocked at someone promising not to hurt them? To respect them? Just how bad had things really been, to make her feel so… caught off guard? As if this was the unusual option, rather than the normal, decent one he knew it as?

She bit his lip eventually and shut her eyes, trying to wash down some moisture threatening to leak down, then smiled and nodded through a long sigh.

“... Thank you…” she muttered, before breathing in deep again and chuckling sadly, derisively. “... S-Sorry, uh, It’s-It’s not-- I’m not scared o- of you , I-- I-It’s, Uhm…”

She hurriedly began to explain, body starting to shake and tense a bit. He remained silent, giving her the room to organize her thoughts and emotions, but tried to soothe her by gently, very softly, brush his thumb over their forcefully joined hands. Trying to ensure her it was ok, he knew, without interrupting or being intrusive on her boundaries. 

Speaking of this demanded a lot of courage out of her, he could tell. He didn’t want to disrespect her effort, which he felt in the way his chest was tight under a sudden, rising heartbeat. 

She shut her eyes at this, before he could point it out - and took in a slow, deep breath. Forced her shoulders and arms to relax, held the taken air for a few seconds, then let go slowly. Then repeated, like a ritual.

Hoseok felt his heart slow down as she went on, in amazement. So this was a recurring thing. He wasn't sure how he felt about it, but tried to ignore the thought for now.

“It’s just… Uhm, hard to explain.”

“It’s ok.” He nodded, sighing reassuringly. “Sorry, uh, bad happened. Uh, before, and… this.”

He said the last part with a nod to their hands, shifting his arm a bit awkwardly to the mention. He had not thought of it until now, but his arm was a bit stiff from the prolonged immobility, though he didn’t want to risk moving too much and giving her the wrong impression. 

“Thanks.” She nods, quietly. “I know it’s, uh, trouble for you. How I am.”

He sighs, but shrugs. 

“We’ll… uh… ugh, sorry,” he chuckled shyly after another long, awkward moment of struggle with words, fumbling against the side table beside his end of the bed where his manager had placed his phone, and quickly trying to find a translator app. 

She chuckled at this quietly, mumbling something that sounded like reassurance, which made him relax a bit. Her laugh is cute , he thought, relieved he had managed to get her at least a second’s ease with his language struggle. 

“We’ll figure it out,” he read triumphantly, though a hint of uneasiness still remained. Hoseok knew, after all, how broken online translators could be. “...T-That right?”

“Yeah, it is.” She chuckled a bit more pronouncedly now. “I’ll do my best, too.”

He nodded, smiling at her. The silence was now a bit more comfortable, and he let out a sigh he wasn’t sure since when he had been holding. Her body was less stiff and shaky now, even if not completely at ease - but it was a step. 

Prove her wrong, his mother had suggested… And, as usual, it seems she was right. Just show her you are you , not who she is scared you might be.