Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Looking back, you weren’t really sure how you ended up here.

When the spaceship landed on Earth, everyone was aghast, with good reason. They were even more aghast when an alien, looking more like a little human girl than a little green man, disembarked from it. You were the most aghast when the alien somehow ended up in the backyard of your parent’s home. 

At the time, you had no fathomable idea Hat Kid was an alien; you were so busy with unsuccessful job hunting after graduating from college, that you had fallen far behind the news. But why would you even suspect of Hat Kid of being an alien? You just thought she was a very lost kid from the neighborhood, so you approached her. She was all smiles and the definition of friendly, despite her lack of speech. You even offered her a PB&J sandwich as you played twenty questions, trying to figure out who she was and what she was doing here.

Which was how you ended up helping her climb the roof of your parent’s house to find a glittery hourglass stuck in the chimney. 

As she floated down with her umbrella, holding the hourglass tight to her chest, you wondered what was even going on. Was it a toy that got stuck up there? But it looked too shiny and decorative to be a simple toy...and how did it even get up there in the first place? And wait, why were there a hoard of paparazzi and journalists suddenly swarming the place?

Hat Kid just rolled her eyes at the oncoming stampede, but when she saw your anxiety, she grasped your hand and ran. As she dragged you along, you babbled questions on who she was and what was happening. 

Before you knew it, you were in the belly of a spaceship. Hat Kid’s spaceship. Which was orbiting miles above Earth. After getting over your vertigo, Hat Kid grasped your hand again and, with a smile, jumped up and hugged you.

“Uh…” You weren’t sure whether you should be saying thank you or you’re welcome. “So, uh, what now?”

Hat Kid’s eyes lit up as she jumped from your arms. She waved her arms for you to follow. Not knowing what else to do, you did just that. 

Which led to Hat Kid giving you a tour of her spaceship, and a handful of other inhabitants on it. A band of anthropomorphic owls, a talking cat who cooked, and what you could only describe as an oversized, overcooked pasta noodle.

“Excuse me?!” he barked. “What did you just call me?!”

You stood there, stuttering, while Hat Kid burst into laughter.

“Hey, Hat Brat, tell your new friend that it’s rather rude to make fun of the dead, will you?”

“Wait, what? I-I thought you were an alien!”

“That’s not the point! Who are you, anyway?”

“I-I’m _____, and, uh...I don’t know where I am or what’s going on.”

He snorted. “Lemme guess; the kid didn’t fill you in?”

You glanced at Hat Kid, who was preoccupied with swimming through the sea of pillows in the room.

He closed his ‘ HOW TO KILL KIDS’ book and loomed over the pillows until he was directly in front of you. “Well, allow me to introduce myself…”

The lights went off, casting the room in the pitch black. A low, evil chuckle filled the air, growing in volume. Dark smoke materialized, swirling around you. A roll of thunder and a flash of lightning made you jump. Suddenly, a glowing face appeared before you, the creature towering above you.

“FOOOOOOOOL!!” He cackled, “You stand before the all-powerful, all-handsome, all-soul-eating, Snatcher! Ahhhahaha!” 

“...okay?”

In an instant, the clouds and darkness cleared. The Snatcher loomed there, still tall and monstrous, but with a blank expression on his face. It made you think of a Jack-o-Lantern. 

“‘Okay’? What do you mean, ‘okay’?!” He cried. “You should be quaking in your shoes! Petrified with fear!! Dead with fright already!!!” Pausing, he glanced at Hat Kid, still comfortable in her pillows. “Except her. She’s a weirdo.”

Somehow, the idea of being scared at what looked like an inflatable arm flailing tube man amused you. “No offense, I’ve seen worse.”

“Worse? Worse how?!”

“Three words; retail and unemployment.”

“Uh...okay?”

“‘Okay’? What do you mean, ‘okay’?” You snickered.

Huffing, Snatcher turned to Hat Kid. “Congrats, Kid, you brought another weirdo on board. Whoop dee peckin’ doo.”

Hat Kid giggled, while you scratched your head. You still didn’t really know what was going on.

You learned that Hat Kid was, despite her appearance, an alien. The government begged her to let them make contact, to make history, or, even better, to have a human work alongside her to learn more about her. To learn more about her world and the universe. Like an internship to work and live in space for who knows how long with a who knows what.

The applicants came from NASA to UFO obsessed teenage boys. Millions of envelopes flooded her tiny mail room on her spaceship. Since the press decided to chase after you too, being the first human to set foot inside her home, you decided to stay there to avoid the swarms of unwanted cameras and microphones. You pulled your weight though, helping Cooking Cat cook and playing with Hat Kid and even offering Snatcher, that tsundere noodle, books from your planet. 

He brushed you off each time, but each time he got just a touch less cold with you.

The day finally came for Hat Kid to make a decision on which human to accompany (and study) her into space. You honestly thought Hat Kid didn’t care to entertain humanity, and would simply take off without a word. Well, you hoped she’d at least say goodbye to you, but…

You sat at the edge of the diving board to Hat Kid’s pillow pile. Swimming amongst the pillows made you feel like a kid again, so happy and carefree. It was your favorite room of the entire ship, even though a grumpy, gangly ghost resided there as well.

“Why the long face, kiddo?” He asked you. “Ghost got your soul?”

“I’m just...today’s the last day I’ll probably be here.”

“Whatcha mean?”

“Well, either Hat Kid will pick someone to study her or not today. Either way, she’ll be leaving Earth for a while.” You slumped. “I’m gonna miss Hat Kid.”

“So what am I, chopped liver?”

“Well, since you don’t have a liver anymore, no.” You chuckled. “But yeah, I’d miss you too, you overcooked pasta noodle.”

“Haha, very funny.” Despite his tone, he lowered his book. “Wanna sign a contract that’ll let your soulless self stay here longer?”

“No, I’m sure you and Hat Kid want me out of your hair. Besides, I don’t wanna sign anything without a lawyer present.”

“Ahem,”

“A living lawyer.”

“Aw, boo. Your loss.”

Standing on the edge of the diving board, your eyes surveyed the colorful pillows below. Just as you leapt into the air, on the verge of diving, the door opened, and in skipped Hat Kid.

“Hi, Hat Ki--OOF!” You belly-flopped, getting a mouthful of cotton and polyester. As you crawled out of the pillows, Hat Kid ran up to you while Snatcher was laughing his nonexistent butt off.

“I’m okay, Hat Kid, I’m okay,” You reassure her. “So...how did the conference go?”

Hat Kid rolled her eyes. 

“Pretty boring, huh?”

She nodded vigorously. You noticed in her hand was a piece of metal. It was a badge the government had given her to bestow on whatever human would be worthy enough to accompany her. Since it was still in her hand, it was easy to assume she decided to not entertain humanity’s efforts to study alien life.

Fine with you, but that meant Hat Kid’s departure from your life was nigh…

Snatcher floated closer and voiced your silent question. “Hey, Hat Brat, does this mean it’s time to kick out ___ here? I call dibs!”

“You don’t even have legs, you pool noodle.”

“I don’t even know what that is, but I don’t like it.” 

Before you could explain, Hat Kid jumped into your arms, a habit she had developed, and you felt something prick you in the chest.

“Ow!” you yelp as you hold her away like a wet cat. Your eyes fall to her hand, holding the unfastened medal. “Careful, Hat Kid! You nearly poked me!”

She held out the pin in response.

“What? Do you want me to put it on you?”

She shook her head.

“What do you want to do, then?”

“Uh, kiddo…” Snatcher said. “I think she wants you to wear it.”

She nodded, smiling. 

“Um, okay…?” You brought Hat Kid close again, this time keeping still as she fastened the medal crookedly above your chest. “There we go.”

Hat Kid beamed at you before hugging you. 

As you hugged her back, you said, “I’m surprised you didn’t want to wear it on your hat. You already have a bunch of cute badges to go with it.”

Snatcher snickered. “Kiddo, how thick is that head of yours? She wants you to be her...human companion or whatever those government boys call it.”

Your eyebrows shot up. “Wait, what?” You looked at Hat Kid with wide eyes. “Hat Kid, that--that’s not true, right?”

Her expression went from elated to on the verge of tears.

“No! No no, don’t cry! I didn’t mean it like that, I--”

“Way to go, kiddo!” Snatcher leaned over your shoulder. “You made a brat cry. Congratulations! Ahaha!”

“But-But I never even sent an application! I’m not qualified in the slightest! I’m a liberal arts major!”

Hat Kid blew a raspberry as if the very notion of you not being qualified was utterly ridiculous. 

“I think that’s the point, kiddo,” said Snatcher. “Out of all the stinky humans she’s met, you’re the only one who didn’t treat her like a specimen to dissect.”

“Wait, the government was gonna kill her? And dissect her?!”

“No! Well, probably not right way--but that’s not the point! Remember those reporters chasing after her? Or those government boys hounding her? Heck, from what I’ve heard, she couldn’t take a single step without people crowding around her like a circus animal. Right, kid?”

Hat Kid nodded.

“Now correct me if I’m wrong, which is not possible, but the whole time, you helped her find her stupid timepieces and get back to her space ship in one piece, right? And never even asked for anything in return? Not even a teeny tiny soul contract?”

“Of course not!”

“Aha! I’m right, as usual! What I think Hat Brat’s trying to say is you’re the only human she even wants near her spaceship, let alone on it.”

“...really?”

Hat Kid nodded before hugging you. In your shock, you hugged her back as to not drop her, and...the thought slowly sank in.

You were...whatever you were on Hat Kid’s spaceship. You had been given this chance, you alone. You had been chosen, without even an application or interview.

You felt wanted, and with purpose.

You also felt Snatcher’s hand on your shoulder.

“Welcome aboard, kiddo. Guess this means you’ll be stuck with us for the foreseeable future!”

“Including you?”

“Yep! Lucky you! Ahhhahaha!”

You couldn’t help but smirk, and find the idea not as bothersome as you should have. “Yep. Lucky me.”

Chapter Text

During your stay on Hat Kid’s spaceship, you began an informal observation journal of sorts. Though you weren’t obligated to do so, you wanted to at least give this trip your all, being chosen by Hat Kid herself for this position. However, it’s appearance suggested otherwise...it was just a composition book leftover from your college days that you slathered the cover with stickers. The inside wasn’t any more professional. You wrote in a purple sparkle gel pen Hat Kid gave you, and each entry flowed like a diary entry with doodles on the margin.

Thus, it was dubbed “____’s Doodle Diary”, by a certain ghost.

“Honestly, kiddo, if I didn’t know Hat Brat better, I’d swear that thing belonged to her.” He reclined amongst the pillows as he spoke.

You shrug, lying on your stomach and legs kicking in the air idly, also among the pillows. “Sounds like she has good taste, then.”

He snorted. “Not as good as mine.” Out of thin air, he produced a contract with old, fraying paper, and a black quill pen. “Classy, eh?”

“Remove the ‘I get your soul’ part, then talk to me,”

“You’re not even looking at it!”

“I know for a fact soul-stealing is part of your signature by now.”

“Not true! I’ve signed contracts before without it! Plenty of times, even!”

Unconvinced but curious, you looked over your shoulder at him. “Recently?”

“As a matter of fact, yes! Feast your eyes!” 

As you closed your journal and sat up, Snatcher produced another contract in a puff of smoke. He shoved it into your face and you had to push it away to read it.

At a glance, it looked exactly like his usual contracts. However, significant parts of the contract were scribbled out, accompanied by childish handwriting, like ‘stay and have fun!’ and ‘Be nice :)’ and ‘be my BFF <3’. It was signed in a language you couldn’t read, but with a familiar doodle of a face wearing a top hat.

“According to this contract, you did not take a soul…”

“Yep!”

“And you’re also Hat Kid’s BFF,”

His face faltered, but not out of distaste. It was more like reluctance, or embarrassment. “Yes, I’m that brat’s legally obligated BFF. Even if she scribbled out parts of it, which is not how contracts work.”

“What did it originally say?”

“That she’d take her stuff and get the peck outta my forest.”

“You have a forest?”

“Sure do! The scariest forest you’ll ever see!”

“I wasn’t aware the dead could own property.”

“Oh, I have my ways...and my ways involve legal loopholes! Ahahaha!” He leaned on his elbows. “Speaking of my forest, we’ll be heading that way soon!”

You leaned forward. “You mean our next destination is your home planet?”

“Sure is!”

“Your home planet as in the one where you lived? Or where you, um, live?”

Snatcher raised an eyebrow. “What kind of question is that?”

“Like, did you live on that planet before you, well…” You raked your brain for the right words, “you became a ghost?”

Now Snatcher’s face went taught with so many emotions, you struggled to reach them all. His posture tensed, and one of his hands crept to the wrist of his other hand, as if on instinct. His fingers fiddled and rubbed at his wrist like trying to scratch through his incorporeal skin. The glow of his eyes and mouth dimmed ever so slightly.

“Snatcher…?”

“W-What are you looking at?!” He barked out of his trance. “How I died is none of your business! Now get lost!!” He grabbed his book and shoved it into his face.

You flinched. The tell tale tickle of tears pricked at your eyes, but you refused to let them fall. Your parents always did say you were too sensitive…but you weren't expecting such a reaction. Confused and unreasonably hurt, you got to your feet and slinked to the door. Just before you left, you glanced over your shoulder to see Snatcher still buried in his book.

“I guess I’ll...see you later, Snatcher?” You gave a feeble wave before turning around.

Turns out Hat Kid didn’t need to land her spaceship to visit the planet. The ship had a sort of...catapult system that could shoot her and anyone else on the ship to the planet’s surface in a manner of seconds. While Hat Kid landed with a twirl and smile, you somehow landed face first into the dirt. 

After you got to your feet, spitting out weeds and dirt, brushing off your face, your eyes adjusted to the darkness around you. Not pitch black, but dim, like on the night when a sliver of moon is visible. The towering trees didn’t help, either, casting the forest in a sea of shadows and silhouettes. It looked perfect for a scene out of a horror movie.

Just as you took in most of your surroundings, a bolt of lightning cracked through the air, and Snatcher popped from the ground like a Jack-in-the-Box. Grinning ear to ear (if he had any), he cackled, “Boy, it’s good to be back! Just smell that death and despair in the air.” He took a deep breath, stretching his arms as if just awoken from a refreshing nap. With a sigh, he looked around as if searching for something, until his eyes landed on you.

You didn’t mean to, but you flinched despite yourself. Was Snatcher still upset at you? Well, it was your fault he was upset earlier. You should have known better than to ask a ghost how they died. Yes, you didn’t know any better, yet you had the ability to make it not happen, had you just kept your mouth shut…

Now Hat Kid noticed, and was staring at you, too. Oh no, quick, you had to put on a poker face and pretend you weren’t drowning in your obsessive anguish. “So, uh, where are we?”

Snatcher, ever the ham, spread his arms with a flourish. “You’re in my domain, the one and only Subcon forest! It’s got everything; haunted nooses, a creepy swamp, and chock full of spirits! Ruled by yours truly, the handsomest of them all!”

“So you’re like the king of Subcon?”

That look returned, where his face dimmed and his shoulders tensed. He rubbed at his upper arm, but only for a moment. After clearing his throat, he said, “I prefer ‘boss’ or ‘ruler’, thank you very much. My minions can attest to that!”

“You have minions?”

Before you could jokingly ask if he meant the yellow pill shaped ones, the bushes around you rustled. The leaves above and patches of soft dirt below seemed to shake to life at the same time. Small, tittering voices slowly filled the air. 

“Boss’s back!” One said.

“Woohoo!”

“Hey Boss!”

“Finally!”

They grew louder, closer, as silhouettes of short figures emerged from the bush, the trees, and even from the dirt. The figures were barely bigger than Hat Kid, donned in dark, tattered cloaks with hoods pulled over their faces. All that could be seen of their faces were singular yellow lights in the very middle, gleaming just like Snatcher’s eyes did. Just as they began to crowd around you, Hat Kid, and Snatcher, they peered at you curiously.

“Whozzat?” One asked.

“Maybe the boss got himself another friend!” Another chirped.

“They look like a bigger Hat Kid. Are they related?”

“I think they’re kinda cute!”

Snatcher’s booming “FOOOOOOLS!” interrupted their gossiping. Everyone, including you, turned towards him. “That is none other than Hat Brat’s self appointed human!”

The tiny minions tittered curiously. “What’s a hoo-man?” one asked.

“Simple, my brain dead subconite. A human is an alien! Just a different kind than that brat!”

Hat Kid puffed her cheeks and waved her fists in a ‘I can hear you, you know!’ kind of gesture. Snatcher replied by gently shoving her hat over her face.

“Speaking of you, brat, don’t think I’ve forgotten your contractual obligations to me!”

She rolled her eyes, pulling out a contract. You peeked over her to read the lines “take me to my forest and clean up the subcon well! Again!” written in black, cursive ink. Hat Kid barely glanced at it while you grew confused. “You’re making Hat Kid clean up a well?”

“Yep! My brain dead servants make great towel boys, but not so great plumbers.”

“But Hat Kid’s a kid!...I think?”

“Relax, she’s done it before no problem. She didn’t even have her soul with her last time!”

You looked at Hat Kid, alarmed, but she simply shrugged it off.

“See? She’s cool as a cucumber. Just another contract for ol’ time’s sake!”

“And what about me?”

An oddly thoughtful expression fell upon Snatcher’s face as he tapped his chin. “Hmmm, you know, I didn’t even think of that. Want a contract of your own? I can whip one up in a jiffy for you!”

“I’ll...pass,” You utter, stomach churning at the thought of climbing down a dark, dank, dreary well to clean up who knows what had ended up down there. 

Snatcher’s face fell flat. “Fine, be a party pooper. Either tag along with Hat Kid or check out my forest. Either way, try not to die. AHAHAHA~!” After cackling, he added, “I’m gonna take a well earned break and see how my humble domain’s been while I’ve been babysitting. I’ll be around if you need me. Don’t need me. Toodles!” With a wink, he dove into the shadows and vanished. 

The air was oddly still without Snatcher’s looming presence. You just then noticed Hat Kid was already being tugged away by some subconites, already chatting with her as they guided her to the well. Now the air was fridgedly still. You stood there, alone in the eerie forest, with the freedom to venture wherever you pleased, should you please, which you did not. 

But what else could you do? Stuffing your hands into your pockets, you wander in a random direction of the forest until you come across something interesting.

A dozen subconites were leaping off what appeared to be a square diving board, to briefly fling themselves through the air and land amongst the soft dead foliage. They cheered in delight as they soared through the air and whooped with each landing.

“Hey guys, look!” One of them pointed at you. “It’s the hoo-man!”

“Um, hey there,” You awkwardly wave. “What are you guys doing?”

“Uh...promise not to tell the boss?” One of the subconites shuffled his feet in the dirt. “We...may or may not be messing around instead of doing our jobs.”

“Last time Hat Kid was here, she used these panels to jump really, really high! Or really, really far!” another chimed.

“She’d jump on it a certain way, and SPROING!!” One leaped in the air in excitement. “Like a...like a catapult!”

“We wanted to try it too! We made one ourselves! See?” The first subconite pointed to the contraption. “We can’t get as far as Hat Kid did, but it’s still super fun! As long as you don’t die on impact--heehee!”

“Hey hooman! Wanna try it? It’s fun!”

You eyed the panel suspiciously. Upon closer inspection, it did look like it might hold your weight. Maybe. For a few seconds. This was a piece of wood barely held up by a hinge and rusty springs. You doubted it’d even hold up after you took one step on it. Best case scenario, it’d just flop and send you down a three foot drop. Worst case, you’d break it, but probably not break any of your bones.

“C’mon, hooman! Jump! Jump!”

“It’s fun! Way more fun than dying, that’s for sure!”

“Besides, you’re bigger than us, maybe you’ll jump higher. Like, physics or something? More mass means more force and...more force means more fun, I think?”

“Dude, what are you, eight?”

“I died when I was ten, man! And fifth grade was a long time ago!”

The last two subconites laughed despite the morbidity of their subject. You decided to ignore it, instead saying, “I guess I could try it?”

“Yeahhhh! C’mon, this way!” One subconite leapt up and grasped your hand before tugging you over. It reminded you of how Hat Kid would lead you to here and there with a childlike eagerness. You smiled despite yourself. The subconite pushed you forward until you stood directly before the panel. It creaked slightly in the wind. Even in the dim light, your shadow stretched across it, almost bigger than the expanse of wood.

You inhaled, and crouched.

Who knows, you thought, maybe by getting on the subconites good side, they could help you learn why Snatcher was upset at you earlier. Or figure out if he still was. 

You jumped forward.

You landed square in the middle of the panel with all your weight.

The hinges and springs resisted you for a split second before you were sent flying through the air.

“AAAAAAaaaaah…!”

Your scream faded as you were flung far, far away. The subconites were still in silent awe.

“I was right, I was right! More mass means more force, means more fun!”

“Yeah, but...where is she gonna land?”

“...oh.”

“You don’t think she’s gonna crash into…”

“Not you-know-whose territory?”

“What if she lands through you-know-whose manor?”

“Should we, like, tell the boss? And Hat Kid?”

Chapter Text

“AaaaaaaAAAAAH--!”

POOMF!!!

You landed face first into cold, wet snow. It sucked out all the warmth from your face and limbs as well as soaking through your clothes. Teeth chattering, you raised your head. Snow clung to your eyelashes and cheeks. With a grunt, you pushed yourself upright and got to your feet. Snow continued to fall, already filling in the snow angel you made when you crashed. The wind whipped past you, seemingly through you. You shivered so much your knees bounced. No one told you to dress for below freezing weather, you thought bitterly as you rubbed your arms to generate warmth. 

After wiping the snow from your eyelashes, you took in your surroundings. Snow was all around you, in the air and on the horizon. No sight of the spooky trees of subcon, or of any life, for that matter. To one direction was what appeared to be a canyon...out of ice? Or some sort of jagged, foreboding rock formations. Then again, anything was possible on this planet, you thought. You were friends with an alien and a grumpy ghost, large ice formations seemed far more possible compared to the prior two. Still, you weren’t sure that was the safest path back to the forest, so you turned away.

Your eyes narrowed as they saw something in the distance. Something familiar and...human. Man made. It was difficult through the snow flurries, but you could just make out the looming silhouette of a house...no, a mansion. And...where those lights on in the windows?

Steeling yourself, you began your plodding towards the mansion. After all, it was a far more appealing direction than the canyon of ice. You could ask for directions, even for shelter until the snow subsides.

The snow crunched beneath your feet with each step closer.

Snatcher slammed his book close as Hat Kid hopped past the threshold of his prior home, the hollowed out dead tree. “About time, kid. Took you long enough to finish that contractual obligation. Had me thinking you hit your head and met your end down the well. What a way to go!” He cackled.

Instead of rolling her eyes, Hat Kid smiled, almost grimacing. She fiddled with the handle of her umbrella as several subconites hid behind her small form.

Snatcher’s expression melted from glee to suspicion. Raising an eyebrow, he leaned forward in his chair. “Uh, kid? You okay? And why are my servants here, too?”

A subconite peeked from over Hat Kid’s shoulder. “Uh, well boss, something...happened.”

“Don’t tell me you idiots let another soul out and it possessed the outhouse again,”

“No, no! Not this time!”

“Then spit it out already! What the peck happened?!”

You could have sworn icicles had already formed from your nose, ice coating your skin by the time you made your way to the mansion. The cold seeped past your clothes and into your skin, chilling you to your core. You shivered so violently it was a miracle you could still move. Blinking snowflakes from your eyelashes for the umpteenth time, you gazed upwards.

Up close, the mansion towered before you like a behemoth monstrosity. The wooden panellings were worn and old, creaking against the force of the wind. Yet the house stood tall before you, making you feel as small as a snowflake. 

Taking a deep breath, you willed your legs to move. Up the steps to the door, the wood whined beneath your weight, almost louder than the howling winds. You were so preoccupied with your target of the door, you failed to notice the two headless statues by each side of the stairs. Nor did you notice them move ever so slightly in your direction, despite being made of heavy stone. Instead, you reached out and pawed at the door knocker, an ornate ring of brass. Your fingers, with no feeling left, clasped around it and knocked it as hard as you could.

Slowly, you lowered your hand as if your very joints were frozen stiff. 

Nothing, no sign of life from behind the door. Yes, you could hardly hear your own thoughts over the roaring winds, nor see very well with the snow, but..

“This is all your fault, you know” , said that one voice in your head that never went away. “If you just hadn’t gone on that catapult, you wouldn’t be in this situation. You should have known better. You’re an adult, aren’t you? A pitiful excuse for one that is. How are you even alive right now? Hat Kid picking you out of thousands of better people was a fluke. You’re just one person, and an insignificant one at that. No one sure misses you on Earth, and Hat Kid will get over your loss soon enough after she discovers your cold, lifeless body. Even Snatcher will find your death laughable. Really, this is all your fault, you--”

You doubled over yourself, those words cutting right through you, almost colder than the snow. You bit your frozen lip, feeling nothing. Your vision darkened, as if the light of day was escaping you, or as if two looming figures were approaching behind you, ready to put you out of your misery.

Before you shut your eyes, the door creaked open, accompanied by a coarse, chilling voice.

“...WHO GOES THERE?”

“Nope, nope nope nopity nope,” Snatcher snapped. “I am NOT setting foot in that frozen wasteland just for some human.”

Hat Kid planted her hands on her hips, glaring at him She stood on the other side of the broken bridge between Subcon Forest and the accurately named frozen wasteland. Snatcher hid behind a tree, pouting like a stubborn child.

“Don’t give me that look kid!” He whined. “I’m sure ___’s fine! Even if they’re not, I’m sure it’s nothing you can’t handle! You’ve done it before, remember? Give me one good reason why I need to come on some impromptu rescue mission!”

Hat Kid’s glare intensified.

“I know what you’re thinking, and no. You think something is up between me and ___, like we had a fight or hurt each other’s feelings, like there’s some tension going on--it’s all baloney! It’s not like they accidentally hit a sore spot and I blew up in their face when you weren’t looking. And even in some far off alternate universe if it WAS the case, then what? Helping them get outta my ex’s litter box is gonna make it up to them? Is that what you think?”

Hat Kid nodded furiously.

“Well, too bad! I’m not getting any closer to that giant ice box. You’re on your own, kid. This was NOT part of the contract to be your BFF.” Snatcher crossed his noodly arms in front of his chest.

Hat Kid opened her mouth, but then it closed shut. With a sigh, she turned away, marching towards the snowy outskirts of Queen Vanessa’s territory. She felt Snatcher’s hollow, glowing eyes on her, but she didn’t turn around. Which was why she didn’t see Snatcher biting his hands, as if gnawing at his phantom fingernails in habit.

“Hey, boss?” A nearby subconite asked. “They’ll be okay, right? And the human, too?”

“Yeah, yeah, sure…”

“Why don’t you go after the kid and help?” Another asked. “You’re way more powerful and cooler than that Vanessa lady.”

The first subconite leaned over and whispered, “Last time he tried, he peed himself.” Snickering, he added, “I didn’t even know he could do that!”

“Would you two just shut up?! ” hissed Snatcher through grit teeth.

Chapter Text

With a flick of her wrist, Hat Kid tapped her hat. It had the magnificent property of always knowing what her goal was, and pointing her in the right direction. Unfortunately, it pointed to a not so magnificent direction.

It pointed towards Queen Vanessa’s mansion.

The thought alone sent a shiver down her spine, and it wasn’t just because of the scathing snow. With each step through the piling snow, she prayed you were safe. Maybe you had snuck in to warm up and was safely hiding away. Like under the piano, or the bed, or the baby crib, just waiting out the terrifying screech of Vanessa’s rage, or her booming footsteps, like a raging giant.

When Hat Kid reached the front of the mansion, she gave her hat a tap again. It clearly pointed to the inside of the mansion, regardless of her fears. Despite this, she took a deep breath and plod her way around to the back of the mansion. She found the cellar doors, pried them open, and crept inside.

Though it was marginally warmer inside, she still frowned when her feet first met the murky water of the cellar. The water was cold and murky, like it was full of dust, dirt, and melted ice. She passed by the chains once used to hold someone...and luckily weren’t in use right now. At least you weren’t trapped down here…

So that meant you were likely trapped upstairs.

She held her breath as she slipped from the cellar to the first floor. She remained in the shadows for a full minute, waiting for any sign or sound of Queen Vanessa…

Not a sound.

Before she tapped her hat for guidance, her ears picked up a familiar sound.

It was distant, but it was your voice!

Her heart skipped a beat. She tiptoed as quickly as she could towards your voice. It appeared to be coming from a room near the entrance, where she had not gotten the chance to explore before. She saw a door where your voice came from, and saw the flickering lights of a fire beneath it. She was so happy at the thought of finding you that she didn’t stop to think how on earth would you be able to talk so freely, near a fire, in this mansion of all places.

Without hesitation, she slammed the door open. Her beaming smile froze at what she saw.

Queen Vanessa, the horrifying shell of a heartbroken girl, a shadowy being hunched over with long, spindly fingers, her silhouette even bigger against the roaring fire.

And you, sitting crossed legged beside her, eyes wide, a cookie in your mouth mid bite.

“Mmf!” You said with a mouthful of cookie. “Hht Khd!” You finished the cookie like a chipmunk, stuffing the rest of it into your mouth. After swallowing, you said, “Hat Kid!”

You were confused at her expression. It looked like her expression was going to be overjoyed, but it had contorted, like melting wax had distorted it. 

Putting it aside to be polite, you turned towards Vanessa. “Vanessa, this is my friend I was telling you about! This is Hat Kid!”

“...Hat...Kid…” She replied coldly, almost robotically.

“Yeah! Hat Kid, this is Vanessa!” You gestured to Vanessa. “This is her mansion, and she was nice enough to let me warm up in here! And guess what? She was once a queen . How cool is that?” You picked up another cookie from the platter placed between you and Vanessa. “And she bakes cookies too! You gotta try some, they’re sooooo good.” 

Hat Kid’s face was so agape you swore her jaw would fall off. And thought you couldn’t see Vanessa’s face, you got the impression she was in a similar state of shock. You were confused, what was with this silent standoff? Yes, Vanessa looked scary, and you still didn’t know much about her, but once you asked her for help, she was very nice! Nice enough to let you inside and offer you cookies, even. 

You swallowed your thoughts and put on a placating smile to ward off the awkward silence. “Uh, wow, these cookies are--”

“You,” hissed Vanessa, but not at you. She stared at Hat Kid. “You broke into my house again?”

“Wait, what?” Now it was your turn to be surprised. “Hat Kid? You know Vanessa? And you broke into her house?? Why???”

Hat Kid fiddled with the hem of her yellow cape, biting her lip. ‘It’s a long story’ , her eyes seemed to say.

Vanessa took a step forward. Despite yourself, you got a feeling of unease at the shift of mood. Your gut yelled that she was going to hurt Hat Kid, or yell at her, or at the very, very least, scold her. Your brain yelled back you were just overreacting, being too sensitive, that everything would be fine. Despite the argument within you, you suddenly scrambled to your feet and placed a hand on Vanessa’s shoulder.

Vanessa paused, then looked down at you. Her glowing red eyes seemed to pierce through you. 

“V-Vanessa, I…” You said. “I don’t know the history between you and my friend, but I trust that she had a good reason. And--And I know she doesn’t mean harm now, at the very least. She was just looking for me, probably. Right, Hat Kid?” 

Hat Kid nodded.

“And I bet you want your human back on your ship, right?”

She nodded again, gesturing that she wanted to go, right now.

“Okay, then we’d better get going. I’m sure that evil noodle BFF of yours is missing you by now!” You took a step towards Hat Kid when a clawed, chilly hand landed on your shoulder. It filled every fiber of your being with cold unease. Vanessa pushed past you, her body seeming to shift ever so slightly, as if she was transforming into something terrorizing. 

“You.” She growled. “ You. Took my timepiece that fell in my domain that I found.”

“But weren’t those Hat Kid’s timepieces?” You thought. “Does ‘finders keepers’ really apply?”

Vanessa loomed above Hat Kid. She almost reached the ceiling, and the room darkened, also dropping a few degrees. The roaring fire suddenly blew out with a swift poof. Vanessa’s form suddenly looked far more eerie, like a void in the room, sucking up any and all benefits of doubt you once held. 

“Uh, Vanessa…?”

“After breaking and entering my domain and stealing my timepiece, which I was going to use to get my prince back, you have the audacity to show your face before ME? In my MANSION?!”

Hat Kid trembled in her boots, holding her umbrella tight to her chest. Just before you could jump in to diffuse the situation, or take Hat Kid’s hand and get out, or something...

A piercing schriek filled the room. The air and floorboards reverberated from the force, the bells in your head ringing like fire alarm bells, making your brain hurt, feeling like your eyeballs would pop from your sockets. You doubled over, holding your hands over your ears.

It felt like an eternity until you felt something small and fast grab your hand and pull you away. You cracked open your eyes, and it was Hat Kid, dragging you towards the nearest window. It was frosted with snow, but it was no match for a beam of energy erupting from the tip of Hat Kid’s umbrella. In quick succession, the glass shattered, you and Hat Kid jumped over a table, lept through the window against the icy wind, and tripped into a snow drift on the side of the house.

“Hat Kid! You okay?” You cry. Hat Kid popped out of the snow and flashed a thumbs up with a queasy smile. 

“GET BACK HERE YOU PESTS!”

“Uh oh…” You gulp as you scramble to your feet, struggling through the snow. It seemed to have gotten worse since you were last out, almost reaching your knees. Hat Kid hopped through it frantically. It reminded you of that Frogger arcade game, but with a montrosterous void of a woman chasing after you. You both stumbled through the snow, far too slowly. Vanessa’s roaring grew louder, her marching footsteps coming closer, her looming shadow growing bigger…

You snatched Hat Kid to your chest, squeezed your eyes shut, and ran as fast as your legs could take you through the ice and snow. You braced for the worst…

The ground went from thick layers of snow to a deep dark blackhole, and you fell right into it. 

“AaaaAAAAH!!!”

The snow and hail disappeared, Vanessa’s cries growing distant as you fell and somersaulted down, down, down into the swirling darkness. You held Hat Kid tighter, who held you back, yelling helplessly into your ear. You couldn’t be mad at her because you were yelling your head off too in pure terror.

You fell for what felt like hours, but was really ten seconds. You landed in a pile of color and polyester with a graceless whumph! . You were frozen, eyes wide and unmoving as the rest of your senses caught back up to you. It was as if they had been delayed by the fall, like a few frames of animation behind, outside of your body. Once your brain got back online, however, you blinked, then again, incredulous, before you pushed yourself up onto your knees, gasping for air.

“Geez, what took ya’ so long?” snapped a familiar voice.

Turning around, not only do you realize you and Hat Kid somehow ended up back in her sea of pillows, but also Snatcher was perched on the edge of it as usual, his book laying on his lap. He appears annoyed and nonplussed as he continues, “You two were taking so long to get back I had to pick you up myself. What were you two doing, having the world’s longest stroll through the snow?”

“Snatcher, you...saved us?”

He flinched at that. You could have sworn his face glowed a bit brighter...was he blushing? Even if he wasn’t, he still crossed his arms and looked away. “Real funny, kiddo. I was just fulfilling my contractual obligations to little miss fortune over there.” He pointed with his eyes at Hat Kid, straightening her hat as she waded through the pillows towards him. She was smiling, and she climbed up the side to his side, and flung her small arms around him. He scowled, but made no move to push her off. “Yeah, yeah, kid, whatever. Don’t get too chumby, I’m only your BFF on paper, understand?”

Hat Kid giggled, squeezing him tighter. Finally he nudged her away, gently. She skipped down, and made a gesture at you two to stay put, that she would return, before she skipped past the door like nothing had happened.

If only you weren’t so sensitive, if only you could bounce back just like her…

“Uh...Hey, ___,”

You blinked when you heard your name come from Snatcher’s lips, of all places. Turning around, you situated yourself so you were facing him, crossed legged, while holding a pillow to your chest. “Y-Yeah?”

“I heard...Uh...A birdie told me you were...About…” He scratched at his mane nervously. “Look, I’m just gonna give it to you straight. Remember how just before we landed in my awesome forest, you asked me how I...y’know?”

Your eyes went down in shame. “I’m sorry,” You whisper, “I should have known better than to ask someone that. Probably rude, huh?”

“Well, it’s not exactly rude as it is...um...Wait, did you just apologize?”

“Yes,” You hug the pillow tighter. “Are you still...mad at me?”

“Well, I wasn’t exactly MAD per say, but you apologizing makes this a peck of a lot easier for me.” He cleared his throat, and plastered his wide smile on his face. “Listen up, kid, because I don’t say this often. I...I forgive you.”

“Really?”

“Sure, why not? Besides, I’ve had people ask me worse questions. And your species does appear to be of the curious nature.”

Your eyes widened. You relaxed your posture, relieved. “Thanks, Snatch.”

His eyes narrowed. “Watch the nicknames, kid. Or I’ll take back my forgiveness.”

You open your mouth to shyly retort, when Hat Kid came running back in. She leapt towards you, holding something to her chest. Once she was by your side, she held it up; a picture book titled “The Tale of Queen Vanessa”.

Snatcher went stiff, but Hat Kid insisted on sharing this with you.

“...I still can’t believe it,” you said. “If I had known what she’d done I’d…”

Snatcher sighed, flipping another page in his book. You were back at Subcon Forest, Snatcher in his chair and you on his ottoman. After reading the storybook and discovering not only the horrid actions of Vanessa, but also of Snatcher’s demise, you were speechless. You had been nice to Vanessa, given her the benefit of the doubt, despite her appearance, and you had reminded Snatcher of the last moments of his living life...The guilt was suffocating. And you had never meant any harm.

So you decided to swallow your fears and talk to Snatcher, about everything. And oddly enough, he listened.

“I never should have gone on that catapult in the first place…”

“Eh, you didn’t know you’d end up in my ex’s frozen wasteland.” Snatcher shrugged, but then frowned. “But do us both a favor and never go back there again.”

You nodded. You opened your mouth to agree, but the words caught in your throat. Your mixed feelings made a fist, and choked you briefly. 

“...You look like you got something to say. You might as well say it.” said Snatcher.

“I just...When I first saw her, I was scared. Like, genuinely scared. She looked like the boogieman. She’s scarier than you .”

“Hmph.”

“Despite it, I just...just did my best to be polite and asked for directions, or shelter, or anything. And even though I couldn’t see her face or read her at all, she seemed...nice. Like, she invited me inside and gave me tea and cookies. We chatted by the fire, too. I thought she was...a good person. A decent one, at least.”

Snatcher’s lips went tight.

“I even took her side when she complained about how her prince ‘cheated’ on her. At the time, I just trusted her and told her how awful that was...Though I did think she seemed a little...possessive.”

“Just a little?”

“It-It’s not like I said it out loud! I didn’t want to be rude!”

Snatcher snickered. “Well, it’s probably a good thing you didn’t, or else you’d be an icicle right now!”

You snorted, but then sagged your shoulders. “Now looking back on how I treated her, with what I know about her now, I...I don’t know how to feel. I don’t think I did the right thing.”

“...Bah.”

You looked up.

“You’re beating yourself up too much for all that. Sure, you should a little, but I think this is overkill. You didn’t know any better! Literally! You were just being a good sumarian. You know what that is, right?”

“I think so?”

“Well it pretty much means you’re innocent. You were just trying to do good. And boy, did you deliver. You looked at my monstrous obsessive ex and what did you do? You were polite, and nice, and sweet to the point you’d give someone diabetes. You gave her the benefit of the doubt, which was a TON. And even now, you’re working your butt off to see things from her perspective.” He paused, averting eye contact. “It takes a big person to do that.”

“You think?”

“I know so, which makes it a fact! You were nice to her, and what did she do? Chase you and Hat Brat out into the cold. You’re not obligated to be nice to her anymore, legal or otherwise. Besides, we’ll be moving onto the rest of the planet soon, so you can get over yourself, too.”

“...If you say so.”

Snatcher’s Jack-o-Lantern grin returned. “Y’know, I’m honestly surprised with how nice you were. And I’m more surprised she didn’t turn you into an ice statue the moment she saw you. It’d take someone pretty sweet to make someone like her care...A real sweetheart.”

“You think I’m sweet? Is that a compliment?”

“No, you’re too sweet. It’s disgusting. I’m gonna call you that from now on.”

“What, ‘sweetheart’?”

“Yes, sweetheart.”

Your cheeks grew warm, and you awkwardly chuckled.

“Look on the bright side; now when I say ‘kid’, I don’t get you and Hat Brat mixed up.”

“I...guess I can live with that nickname. To be honest it’s...one of the nicer ones I’ve had.”

“Get used to it, sweetheart, because you’ll be stuck with me and that kid for a while longer yet!” he cackled.

Despite the absurdity of the situation and the recent events, you felt at ease. You felt like the distance between you and this complete tsundere of a ghost wasn’t so treacherous anymore.

Chapter Text

After the only-slightly-traumatic events from prior, you decided to lay low to recover. You still pulled your weight on the ship--cleaning, chasing after Hat Kid’s roomba, and helping Cooking Cat in the kitchen--but decided to leave the adventuring to Hat Kid for a bit. 

It was one day while doing the dishes did you and Cooking Cat have the following conversation;

“You know, I just realized something, ___,” she said. “I don’t believe I ever found out what your favorite food was, dear.”

“That’s...actually a hard question for me. My favorite food changes with my mood…”

“Then how about one of your favorite foods? I like to make it a part to cook everyone’s favorite dish at least once on this ship. Except for that Snatcher fellow, he refuses to give me a straight answer!”

“Sounds like him,” you snort. “But then again, maybe he can’t eat? Uh, besides souls, I guess.”

“Well, it is true I haven’t seen him eat. He never joins us for dinner for long.”

You nodded, your mind going back to how every evening, Snatcher would try to either trip someone holding their plate, or make comments that would put people’s appetite off...well, everyone but Hat Kid’s.

You did have to admit you couldn’t bring yourself to eat hard candy again ever since Snatcher described it as eating ‘flavored spit’.

“Anyway, what’s a favorite food of yours, dear? I’d love to try my paw at some Earth recipes.”

“Hm…” Your eyes stared into space. You had to admit, as delicious as Cooking Cat’s cuisine was, you were missing your home planet’s food. Like pepperoni pizza, and barbeque chips, and chocolate chip cookies…

“Actually, I could go for some chocolate chip cookies…Like chewy ones, still warm from the oven, y’know?”

“Chocolate chips…? What are those? I know what chocolate and cookies are, at least.”

“They’re like...little chunks of chocolate. Like about this big,” You held your thumb and finger close together. “Like, you know what chocolate bars are?”

“Why yes I do!”

“Well sometimes people just break up one of those and use them as chips.”

“So they’re just regular cookies with bits of chocolate in them? Why, that sounds rather tasty!”

“Yeah, but you can put other things in there, too. Like marshmallows, peanut butter chips...oh, but NOT raisins.” You gagged at the thought. 

“Ray-zins…?”

“They’re...chewy, dried up fruit. They’re okay but...I’m personally not a fan of them.”

“Why don’t we just stick to those chocolate chips then? I think Hat Kid has a cookie pan around here somewhere…” She opened a cupboard and rummaged inside, accompanied by the clatter of metal pans.

“Wait, we can make them now?”

“Why not?” Her tail twitched curiously. “I should have enough ingredients to make a batch or two, and I have a few candy bars around here, too.” She finally backed out, holding a large tin pan. “As the ship’s designated human, I do declare you are my chocolate chip cooking assistant!”

Your eyes lit up. “Does this mean I can lick the bowl?”

“Why, of course, sweetie! But first things first,” She put the tin on the counter. “Would you be so kind and fetch me some eggs and butter, please?”

“Sure!”

Holding a fresh tray of chocolate chip cookies, you ran from the kitchen to Hat Kid’s room. You knew Snatcher and Hat Kid just had to try them. They smelled like the best cookies in the universe.

“Hattie! Snatcher!” You ran into the room, almost tripping over your feet at what you saw.

Snatcher was sitting amongst the pillows, a book in his lap as usual, but also with Hat Kid, square in his lap, leaning against his fluffy mane and smiling. Snatcher’s eyes were glued to the book, but a subtle smile crept on his face.

Until he saw you enter, that is. He plastered a bored look in the blink of an eye.

“Whatcha want, sweetheart? You’re welcome to take this leach off my hands if you want.” He gestured at Hat Kid, who refused to even budge. She waved innocently at you.

“Cooking Cat and I made cookies!” You held up the plate, unusually proud. “Want some?”

Hat Kid’s eyes lit up like Christmas lights, while Snatcher’s eyes dimmed as he narrowed them. “You trying to poison me, sweetheart? ‘Cause it’s not gonna work, I’m already dead! Don’t even have a digestive system! Ahahaha!”

“You don’t have to…” You subconsciously pouted. “But I promise they're edible!” 

Hat Kid was already making grabby motions with her hands, still in Snatcher’s lap. You waded through the pillows to them, then held out the pan of cookies. Hat Kid snatched up the biggest one, and shoved it into her mouth. As she chewed, Snatcher gingerly picked one up as if it was a disgusting insect. He inspected it from all sides, sniffed it, hesitated, before he tossed it into his mouth with a nonchalant expression.

And then his entire face went from bored to alert.

If you looked closely, you could see the light returning to his eyes as he chewed. The corners of his mouth were certainly not down, and he swallowed without hesitation. 

“They’re...not that bad.” He finally said. “Not good, but not bad.”

“Guess I’ll take that as a compliment,” you chuckle. “What about you, Hattie?”

Hat Kid nodded, cookie crumbs all over her cheeks.  

It made you happy at least someone liked your cookies.

“What? They’re all gone?” You asked.

Hat Kid looked on the verge of tears, but she kept her composure. Sure enough, the spot on the counter where you had placed the remaining cookies was empty. Not even a cookie crumb remained. 

“Cooking Cat? Did she eat them? Or the owls?” Couldn’t be Snatcher, he didn’t even like them that much. And he didn’t need to eat in the first place.

Hat Kid shrugged.

“Well, you go find Cat. I doubt she ate them all, and we can just bake more with her. I’ll go look around for our little cookie crook.”

Hat Kid lit up at the mention of baking more cookies, and scurried away. You secretly hoped she wouldn’t end up eating so much she’d get sick. You’ll have to mention that to Cat later. 

You wandered around the ship, scoring every nook and cranny for any trace of the cookies. You had a personal vendetta for finding the thief; you were looking forward to having some more cookies, yourself. Sure, it was mostly to deal with your persistent self doubts, not the healthiest coping mechanism, but it was better than other methods, right?

You didn’t find any trace of chocolate chips or cookies in the bedroom, nor Snatcher, but the latter didn’t concern you.

Until you did find him. Hiding in the storage room, crouched behind cardboard boxes, and with a familiar plate in one hand, and the last cookie in the other. And the crumbs littering his mane of ghostly hair.

“Snatcher?!”

“What the--Sweetheart?! What are you doing here?!”

“What are you doing here with my cookies?!”

“Uh--I--Well--That’s none of your business!”

You scratched your head. “No but seriously, why are you eating the cookies I made? I thought they weren’t that good?”

“I said they were ‘not good, but not bad, either’. Big difference!”

You huffed. “Well, whatever your reason is for eating--”

“Which I’m not contractually obligated to disclose, ha!”

“So you do confess to eating them?”

Snatcher’s face fell, a couple of crumbs falling from his mouth. “Uhh...oh, peck.” He fumbled with his hands for a minute, almost dropping and breaking the plate, his eyes wide and anxious, before he finally shoved the last cookie in your face. “Look, here, you can have the last one if you don’t tell Hat Brat I ate the rest, deal?”

“What, no contract?”

“Do you want the cookie or not?!”

Pressing your lips into a thin line, you relented, grabbing the cookie before nibbling. It tasted pretty good to you...but just because you liked it didn’t mean it was good. After swallowing, you sat on a cardboard box next to the ghost. “Why’d you eat the cookies? Did you try to eat them all so Hat Kid couldn’t have any?”

“No, I’m her legal BFF, and that would breach our contract.”

“Then why’d you do it?”

“I was...hungry?”

“But you’re dead?”

Snatcher growled, his frustration vibrating from deep within. He clenched his hands at his sides before he threw them into the air in exasperation. “Ireallylikedthemokay?!”

“...What?”

“I...I meant it when I said they weren’t bad, but...I hadn’t had food ever since I was alive. And no one even offered me food until Hat Kid came along. But I didn’t bother.” He slouched. “Then you come along with hand baked goodies, and since Hat Kid had one, as her legal BFF, I had to at least try them and pretend they were okay. And? They were actually...really...really…” He looked ready to throw up his next words. “Good! I went back to eat another later, and I couldn’t stop eating them! I didn’t mean to, I swear!”

“You...liked them? They were actually good?”

“Yes! But even if I didn’t like them to the point of sucking them up like a vacuum, that doesn’t mean they’re not good.”

“I...Just really wanted you and Hattie to like something I made, I guess…” You awkwardly chuckle. “Despite you eating them all, I’m...glad you liked them so much.”

“Hmph.”

“...thanks for telling me.”

“...sure.”

“Now come on,” You stood from your cardboard box chair and extended your hand. “Let’s go find Hattie. I’m sure she and Cat have already made some more cookies already.”

“I dunno...I don’t trust their cookies will be as good as yours.”

Your heart skipped at that, but you waved him off. “Oh, c’mon, mine weren’t that good. I’m sure theirs will be even better!”

“...fine.”

Chapter Text

While cleaning the spaceship windows one day, you found Snatcher hiding under the many pillows in Hat Kid’s room. You were more than used to seeing him among the pillows, but you never saw him try to hide so...resolutely. If it weren’t his dark aura and his tail peeking out, you could have easily missed him.

“Snatchie? What are you doing?”

“Shhhhh!” He hissed, not moving. “You’ll blow my cover!”

“Are you playing hide and seek or something?”

“Of course not! I’m legitimately trying to hide! Now scram!”

“Uh...why are you hiding?.” You leaned over the pillow pile. “Should I be hiding, too?”

“If you dread sleepovers and playdates, then yes. But get your own hiding spot!”

You opened your mouth to question him, but before you could, the spaceship intruder alarm rang out. It filled your ears with a blaring horn and the red lights flashed from every corner of the room. You covered your ears and squeezed your eyes shut. It made a fire drill sound idelic. 

As quickly as it blared, it stopped. 

“Oh, peck, that’s probably her,” cursed Snatcher.

“Who?”

Snatcher’s head popped out just long enough to mutter, “Hat Kid 2.0.”

The bedroom door swished open, and Snatcher buried further into his pillow nest. In ran Hat Kid...followed by another kid. It was a girl with dark brown skin and soft black curls, wearing an enormous blue bow and a cute green coat. She was giggling with Hat Kid, revealing her wide smile. You suddenly caught the mystery girl’s eye, and she gasped.

“Ohmygod are you ___ Hi I’m Bow Kid but you can call me Bowie I’ve heard so much about you and ohmygod your hair’s so pretty can I braid it?”

“Um...hi there?” You manage, your brain still trying to comprehend her whiplash speaking. “Sorry, I didn’t quite catch all that. Could you repeat what you just said please?”

Bow Kid chuckled sheepishly. “Sorry ‘bout that, I got excited. I’m Hattie’s friend, and I’ve heard sooooo much about you!” Her eyes sparkled, an unusual but unique shade of purple. “Also your hair is so pretty, can I braid it? Pweeeeeease?”

Blushing, your fingers absently went up to your hair, fiddling with the little baby hairs behind your ear. “Wow, no one’s ever said my hair was...pretty.” Your eyes darkened slightly as you whispered, “no one’s ever braided it, either…”

“Run, sweetheart!” came Snatcher’s quiet hissing from the pillows. “Get out while you still can!!”

Bow Kid’s eyes lit up. “I know that voice! That’s Snatchie McSnatcher!”

Snatcher inhaled sharply, his tail slipping into the pillow pile, as if curling into himself. This movement did not go unnoticed by Bowie. 

“I know you’re in there~ Come out for your huggies!” She cheered, ran head first into the pillows and dove into them with the confidence of an Olympian diver. 

“Ack!” He yelped, the pillows moving like tumultuous ocean waves. “Hat Kid 2.0! Get outta here!”

“Neverrrrr!”

“You’re worse than Hat Kid! You never shut up!!” 

“And never give up!”

“Aaaaaaagh!” groaned Snatcher before he finally resurfaced, defeated. Bow Kid hung from his mane, clutching him like a baby koala to its mother. She was delighted, while Snatcher was the opposite.

You couldn’t help yourself, you had to laugh. While you tried to stifle your laugh, you didn’t notice how Snatcher’s face flushed slightly, as if embarrassed that you of all people were laughing at him. He pried Bow Kid from him and dropped her like a wet cat. She landed in the pillows with a WHOMF!

“You better keep your hair stuff to yourself this time, or else.” He growled, pointing at her.

“Hair stuff…?” You ask.

Bow Kid popped out of the pillows. “Everytime Hattie and I have a sleepover, we do each other’s hair! And Snatchie’s!”

Hat Kid nodded, already removing her top hat and taking her long brown hair out of its ponytail.

Bow Kid continued, “We can braid, we can curl, we can--OH oh oh guess what?” She waited for dramatic affect, then rummaged through her coat pockets before she pulled out brightly colored canisters. “I got HAIR DYE~! And HAIR GLITTER~”

“Oh no,” uttered Snatcher.

“Oh yes!” chirped Bow Kid.

Hat Kid’s eyes were already alight, putting the glitter to shame. Even you had to admit the idea of turning your hair into a work of art was fun…

“Hey, ___!” Bow Kid darted to you and pulled at your sleeve. “You wanna join our sleepover? Do you? You know what sleepovers are, right? Do you have them where you’re from?”

“We do, but…” Your eyes went downcast. “I’ve never been invited to one…”

Both kids gasped in utter shock. Bow Kid said, “Never? Someone as cool as you has never, ever been invited to a sleepover?”

“Nope.” And I’ve never been cool enough for a sleepover, you thought.

“Ohmygod then you gotta join ours!”

“Really? You’d...have me?”

Snatcher scoffed. “More like, ‘you don’t have a choice’, sweetheart. There’s no escape; heaven knows I’ve tried.” He spared a glare to Bow Kid, “But keep that hair dye and sparkle stuff away from me , got it?”

“No promises!”

He facepalmed.

“Snatcher?” You asked.

He looked up.

“Does this mean I could, maybe, brush your hair? Or do a teeny tiny braid?” You tilted your head in an effort for puppy dog eyes. You’d be lying if you weren’t curious about the tufts of fur around his neck, and the idea of braiding was too cute to not attempt.

Snatcher’s eyes widened ever so slightly, even his fur fluffed by a hair. After a pause, fiddling with his fur, he grumbled, “I guess...But just one braid! One little braid!”

Bow Kid gasped. “What?! You’re letting ___ do your hair just like that?” Her face flipped from surprise to mischief. “You must reeeeeeeally like 'em or something.”

“He tolerates me,” You shrug, not noticing Snatcher’s flush returning before he got it under control.

“Then what are we waiting for?!”

You weren’t sure how so much could happen in half an hour.

In what felt like the blink of an eye, Hat Kid’s hair was covered in glitter and full of cutesy hair pins. Meanwhile, Bow Kid’s once nest of curls was pulled back in many, many braids of rainbow locks, her natural dark hair peeking out here and there. Your own hair was streaked with color and glitter, pulled back by ribbons and hairclips, in that clumsy, charming way kids do.

Meanwhile, you were just finishing up combing through Snatcher’s mane. From a distance, the hair appeared spiky and stiff, but to the touch, it was soft and smooth, albeit a bit cool, like the other side of a pillow. When you ran your comb through it, it would gently spring back to its original shape like a rubber band in slow motion. Still, you wouldn’t be deterred to pass up the opportunity to do at least one, little bitty braid. As you parted his hair into thirds, your fingers brushed against the back of his neck, and you felt...a shiver? A subtle vibration? A purr…?

“This okay, Snatchie?”

“Eh? Yeah, yeah, ‘s fine,” He hummed, flipping a page in his book. For someone who claimed to despise makeovers, he appeared overwhelmingly uncommitted. Nonplussed, at the very least.

Gently, you tugged the thirds of hair, one over the other, slowly and steadily braiding the purple locks. Upon close inspection, his hair--and the rest of his ghostly body--was a shade of luminescent black. Depending on the angle, it would gleam in deep, dark colors, like blue or indigo. It just so happened that in the light of Hat Kid’s room, he looked like the same color as a purple popsicle. Now, the effect reminded you of the gleam of car oil on the street, or the shiny side of CD’s, or of soap bubbles. How all the colors mix and mingle, and change as light shines through.

“Your hair is really cool, Snatcher,” You said.

His head jerked slightly. “What was that?”

“I said your hair--or, uh, your body, I guess--is cool. At a glance it’s purple or black, but up close, it’s...it changes color, y’know? And it’s like this naturally!” You finish the braid. With one hand you hold the end, while your other hand grabs a golden, shimmering ribbon. As you tie the ribbon at the end, you add, “And the fact it springs back into shape after brushing is cool, too. It’s kinda like memory foam. Oh, uh, do you know what that is?”

“No, but don’t care,”

“Oh…” You were disappointed; his deadpan response made it sound like you were annoying him. He was probably trying to subtly tell you to go away, or to at least stop messing with his hair and shut up...right? That’s what you were taught it meant in the past…

But your cycle of self loathing was interrupted as he continued, “It only springs up like that because of my powers. I can shapeshift, you know.” 

“Wait, really? Like you can give yourself longer hair?”

He turned his head just enough so you could see him cock a smirk. “Watch this,” He said and, with a snap of his fingers, his mane grew.

“Whoa--ACK!!” You yelp as your entire body was engulfed in waves of thick, dark hair. It coiled around your torso, brushed roughly by your face, and even tangled around your legs. “Snatch--Snatcher, too much! Too much!!”

“That’s your problem now, sweetheart. Better get brushing!”

You huff, but begin to free your arms. Then you began to untangle the hair from your body. It was still the same eerie color, but now it was heavier, thicker, like the human hair of a supermodel. You feared you’d hurt Snatcher brushing through such thick locks, so you dragged the hair up until you could reach the ends, and began running the comb through, working your way up, inch by inch.

By the time your bruch got to the crown of his head, your hands were cramping. Sighing, you let your hands drop into your lap. 

“...Eh? Sweetheart, you done?”

“Yeah, my hands feel ready to fall off. Guess now I’ll finally be outta your hair...literally.”

“Oh. Uh, I mean, about time!”

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Hat Kid and Bow Kid giggling, and giving you and Snatcher an odd look you couldn’t put your finger on.

“What are you brats staring at?” asked Snatcher.

Hat Kid giggled again, and Bow Kid said, “You were purrrrrring~!”

“Wh--No I wasn’t!!”

“Wait, what?” You leaned over Snatcher’s shoulder. “Since when?”

“Didn’t you notice? He was purring and smiling as you were brushing his hair! It was so cute, like a big purple kitty!”

You looked at Snatcher with incredulous eyes. He refused to look at you, instead curling into himself and scowling, with an angry blush to his cheeks. “...”

Did Snatcher...like having his hair brushed? Did he like you brushing his hair? Did he actually secretly do more than tolerate your presence?

Okay, probably not that last one, but still.

“Well, I’m glad I didn’t mess your hair up too badly,” You joke, and prepare to crawl down from your perch to the pillows below, when Snatcher cleared his throat, just loud enough for you to hear.

“It...it was nice.” He whispered. “Like, you didn’t yank on my hair and try to rip it outta my scalp. Not that I have one anymore, but you get the picture.”

“Oh…” You look away, almost ashamed to be complimented after you said a self deprecating joke out of habit. Still, you manage to fake a confident smile and say, “Thanks, Snatchie.”

“You’re better than those brats. Trust me, last time I looked like a circus clown. And not even the scary kind.”

“Well, you already look like an inflatable noodle man, so…”

“Oh, shut up,”

Chapter Text

You were surprised when Bow Kid mentioned there was going to be one more guest to the sleepover. You were even more surprised at how Snatcher looked ready to gag at the very mention of her name.

“I’m sorry, what’s her name again?” You ask.

“She just goes by ‘mustache girl’,” said Bow Kid. “‘Cause she has a mustache. And she’s Hattie’s almost best bud!”

Hat Kid snorted, shrugging.

“Who’s idea was it to invite that wannabe tyrant?” growed Snatcher, sinking into the pillows as if to hide. 

“Hat Kid! She knows there’s still good in her, and she hasn’t tried to kill any of us since last time!”

“You’re positive?”

“I speak for Hattie! Cross my heart and everything!! Besides, she’s already on her way--”

No sooner had she said those words, the intruder alert blared throughout the spaceship. As you covered your ears, Hat Kid and Bow Kid scurried away and out the bedroom. After two painfully loud, long minutes, the alarm stopped, and you lowered your hands. You realized you were left in the bedroom with Snatcher.

“So, um,” you croak, toying with the hair clips still clinging to your hair. “Who exactly is ‘mustache girl’?”

“Well, she’s Hat and Bow brat’s size, so we’re all pretty sure she’s a literal little girl, regardless of her impressive mustache.” Snatcher leaned on his elbows, disdainful. “She’s worse than Hat AND Bow put together.”

“How so?”

“She stole Hat Kid’s timepieces, rewound time a LOT, and tried to judge every single person on the planet. If you’re good, you’re fine, but if you’re bad?” He made a cutting motion along his neck with a sharp gurgle from his throat. “And in my experience? Little kids aren’t the best judges of character. But she was the worst. And you wanna know the absolute worse part?”

You shook your head.

“She was going to judge ME! Me, of all people! No way was I going to let some peck neck kid on a power trip pass judgement over my dead body!”

“Wait, that’s your body?” You pointed at his noodly, spectarly figure.

“Well, my spirit or consciousness or whatever. Same difference!”

“Oh,” You lowered your head. You slowly processed what little information you had about this mystery guest. Little girl. Mustache. Tried to rewrite history and take over the world.

“She sounds like a baby genderbent Hitler,”

“Who now?”

Before you could explain to the best of your ability, the bedroom door slid open. Hat Kid and Bow Kid walked in, arms linked with another girl being dragged between them. She wore a pink tunic with a red hoodie, and a grimace on her face. The girl had long blonde hair, and a matching blonde mustache.

“Mustache Girl?” You blurt out.

“This is Mustache Girl!” chirped Bow Kid. She and Hat Kid gently pushed Mustache girl forward until she was standing before you. Her eyes were downcast, hands at her sides. You could just see a pout on her face and her brows furrowed. Then she glanced at you from the corner of her eyes and mumbled, “Hey.”

“Um…” You clear your throat. “Uh, hi there! I’m ___.” You kneel down so you didn’t tower above her. This action didn’t seem to better her mood, though you hesitantly held out your hand anyway. She glared at it for a minute, then at you, then her tiny hand grabbed yours and gave a quick shake.

Bow Kid gasped at this. She then jumped onto Mustache Girl and hugged her neck. “Ohmygod, you actually shook someone’s hand! There is good in you!!”

“Wha--Of course I’m--Just shut up!” She batted Bow Kid off, but to no avail. Meanwhile Hat Kid snickered.

“Oh, c’mon, don’t be such a soon-deh-ray! We know you love us! Right, Snatchie?”

Snatcher floated behind you as he said, “Wrong. Leave me out of this. And quit comparing me to that Satan spawn.”

“Hey!” Mustache Girl barked. “I’m right here, you know!”

“Do you even know who Satan is?”

“O-Of course I do, you idiot!” She shook her fist at the specter.

“Watch it, pipsqueak. I have a law degree, you know! I bet you never even made it past first grade!”

An angry blush covered her face, almost burning out the blonde of her mustache. She squirmed in Bow Kid’s grip, growling, “Say that to my face, you-you-- Baka!!”

“I just did say all that to your face! And calling me made up names isn’t gonna do you any good, you ‘baka’!”

“That’s it, lemme at ‘im!!” 

Bow Kid cried as Mustache Girl finally broke free, charging right towards Snatcher...with you straight in her path.

“Wait, sto--OOF!”

“Sweetheart!!”

You were shoved to the ground and trampled over. Your elbow rubbed against the rough carpet, the friction cutting past your skin. Biting your lip, you clutch your arm to your chest, praying for the hot pain to go away. Hat Kid ran to your side, eyes wide with worry. 

“Hey, Hattie, it’s fine.” You smile, though it feels more like a grimace. “It’s just a lil scrape, see?” You raise your elbow. She gasps, biting her nails with such force it could rip them out. Confused, you awkwardly turn your arm until you could catch a glimpse of more blood and scraping than you anticipated. Oh dear…was it already starting to bruise?

Suddenly you yelp as a hand grabs you by the back of your shirt, raising you up in the air. Snatcher was there, holding you with one hand and caging Mustache Girl in a fist with his other. His eyes widened as he inspected your bloody elbow. Then they narrowed to slits, and his mouth went tight.

“Sn-Snatcher, it’s nothing, really, it’s just a scra--AAAAPE!” You hiss as he barely touches the edge of the scrape. When did he put down Mustache Girl? And when did he have all his attention solely on you? Now he was holding you to his chest, bridal style, and carrying you away? “Snatcher...?”

He didn’t pay you any mind. Instead he turned around and glared at Mustache Girl, then side eyed the other two girls. “You two. Get your ‘friend’ under control.”  He then turned back around and carried you off. In the blink of an eye, you were both gone.

You were still flabbergasted at being transported with no warning. Snatcher placed you down gently on a smooth, cool surface. It was the porcelain of the edge of the bathtub. As you finally got your bearings, you realized you and Snatcher were in the bathroom. Snatcher’s back was to you, puttering about in the tiny cabinet above the sink. 

“Now where’s that stupid…” He mumbled to himself. “...Annnd we only have ‘Cat Crime’ bandaids. Of course.”

“Snatchie?”

“What?” He slammed the cabinet closed and turned around. In his arms was a bottle, a couple of towels, and a tiny cardboard box. 

“Uh...what are you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m making sure your scrape doesn’t get infected! That would be a pretty lame way to die, in my opinion.”

Upon closer inspection, you noticed the bottle was full of disinfectant, and the box was a colorful box of kid band aids--Nyakuza gang band aids, to be precise. “Since when do seedy cat gangs have branded band aids?” You asked, snickering.

“Since now,” He answered while wetting the towel in the sink. Then he glided over and gently raised your arm. “Hold still,” He ordered as he carefully wiped the blood from your scrape. You bit your lip at the pain, but were more surprised at his demeanor...though his tone was cold and distant, his touch was anything but.

“...Have you done this before?” You ask quietly.

“Couple of times. Just because my minions are undead doesn’t mean they can’t get hurt. And even Hat or Bow Kid slip up sometimes.” He tossed the slightly bloody towel over his shoulder. Then he got a fresh towel, and dipped the stinky disinfectant over it. Your nose crinkled in dread.

“That’s probably gonna sting, right?”

“Yeah. But less than an infection. Now shut up and hold still.”

You bit your lips, hissing at the stinging pressure against your elbow. Snatcher dabbed it a few more times with surprising gentleness. Before you knew it, however, he was slapping on a Nyakuza band aid over the scrape. You blink. You bring your elbow to your face, observing the colorful purple and yellow band aid perfectly covering the once exposed flesh. Your fingertips graze it, feeling the sore skin beneath, but much less than before.

“Hey! Don’t pick at it!” snapped Snatcher. “Else all my hard work will have been for nothing.”

“...Thank you, Snatcher.”

His mane fluffed, as if trying to scare off a predator by appearing bigger.

“I mean it. That was...really nice of you. Especially for you.”

His mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water. It looked rather bizarre on his jagged, Jack-o-Lantern face. “Wh-Whatever, fine.” He finally said. “We’re done here, let’s get back to the kids. If they haven’t destroyed the rest of the ship yet.”

“Aw c’mon, Snatchie. I don’t think they’re that bad.”

“Even Mustache Girl? Who tried to punch your lights out?!”

“Uh, well, I think she was going after you, and I was just in the way, so...I guess it’s more my fault for just standing there in the first place.”

“...” Snatcher’s lips went tight. His eyes gazed at you with...sadness? Confusion? Pity? But before you could figure it out, he shook his head, then grasped your hand and tugged you out of the bathroom. “Look, let’s just get back before the kids kill each other.”

“Uh--O-okay…But warn me before you transport us!”

“Whatever, sweetheart.”

Chapter Text

Hat Kid and her friends had many sleepovers in the coming months. Thus the spaceship would be filled with the sounds of little girls playing until late into the night. It kept you up until late at night as well, but you didn’t mind. It was fun!

On this night, however, it wasn’t a sleepover keeping you up. It was just plain insomnia. And it was agonizing.

You tried reading a book, you tried breathing exercises, you tried counting sheep...nothing worked. Your brain was empty of dreams and peace, yet was too wired and busy churning up unsettling thoughts. You yearned for the sweet silence of slumber, in vain.

Scowling, you swung your legs over your bed, slipped your feet into a pair of slippers, and shuffled out of your bedroom. You would next try either a glass of warm milk from the kitchen, or see if you needed to answer Nature's call in the bathroom. You weren’t sure which one, you would decide on your way there.

Even at an ungodly hour in the morning, you were alert enough to notice a faint glow from the central area of the spaceship. As you came closer, your ears picked up on noise as well. The hum of a TV, the high pitched beeps of a video game, and the low grunts of an adult. Baffled, you walked closer, your slippers making barely audible thumps against the floor. Just as you rounded the corner, you heard an unmistakable voice.

“Peck!! Are you kidding me!?” hissed Snatcher.

Peeking around the corner, your eyes squint at the silhouette of Snatcher sitting in front of a bright TV screen. You could barely make out the cord of a handheld controller and the familiar sound of Hat Kid’s favorite video game ‘Super Pupper Sisters!”.

“Snatchie?” You said before you thought better of it.

“GYA--!” Snatcher jumped like a spring, the controller flailing in the air with him. A split second later, he turned around, holding the controller behind his back and grinning awkwardly. “G-Geez, sweetheart! You trying to give me a heart attack?”

“You looked like a legit wacky waving inflatable man,”

“Ha ha, very funny. Whaddya want?”

“What are you doing? I know you don’t sleep but still.”

His face went wide as he stammered, “Uh--I--Uhhh, I could ask you the same thing!! I mean I know you sleep but still!”

“I...can’t sleep.”

“Ever?”

“Just sometimes. As in right now…” You scratched your head, feeling the cowlicks and cringing. Leaning to the side so you could see around him, you ask, “Are you playing video games?”

“What?! Pssh, of course not!”

“...” You remained silent, more because you didn’t know what else to say and less to groggily gaze at him to make him break.

Snatcher’s shoulders slumped, his noodle arms dragging to the floor. “Okay fine, you win. I’m playing Hat Kid’s stupid video game at three in the morning. Happy?”

“Uh...why?” Sure, you were guilty of staying up past midnight, completely lost in a video game, on several occasions. But you were too tired to admit that.

Crossing his arms, Snatcher stared at your slippers. “I’m...trying to...well, it looked fun when Hat and Bow Kid were playing it. But I’m...still new to this ‘video game’ thing. If I’m gonna play with the rugrats, I wanna beat them at their own game! How evil is that?” He finished with a sinister smile.

“So you’re practicing?”

His smile faltered, then melted off his face like a sad snow cone. “How can something so hard be fun?! I’ve been at it since Hat fell asleep and I can’t even get past ‘level 1’!” He picked up the controller by the cord, staring at it like a wild, undiscovered animal. “And what’s with all these little buttons? They’re too small and close together!!”

You muttered, “To be honest, that’s part of the reason I don’t play those kinds of video games much these days…”

Snatcher perked his head up, his eyes on you.

“I used to play platformers and stuff all the time growing up, but when I got into college, well...I was so exhausted I didn’t have the energy for those kinds of games. I still liked farming sims and visual novel games, still do.”

“Farming...sims? ‘Novel’ games? What the peck are you talking about?”

“Well, you kno--oh, wait, you don’t know much about video games.”

Snatcher grumbled in reluctant agreement.

“Right…” You thought of the best way to explain. “You know how there are different genres of books? Romance, horror, adventure, etcetera?”

He nodded.

“Well, there are different kinds of video games like that. ‘Super Pupper Sisters!’ is a 2-D platformer with, um, some adventure, I think.” You shrug. “It’s okay if you’re not good at a video game, or even a genre. Games are to have fun, not to stress over. Usually…” You hold your arm by your elbow sheepishly. “Hence why I play more ‘easy’ games these days. Less stressful.”

“What kind of games? What games do you like to play again?”

“Mostly sims with cute animals or games with a story to them…” Suddenly, your eyes lit up. You remembered something, something that once sparked so much joy to you, like Christmas lights, and resonated within you like a tuning fork. And this very same something might even vaguely interest Snatcher. He might even feel the same way! Despite the overwhelming feeling of excitement coursing through you, you bottled it up as to not come off as a weird adult with intense interests. Or ‘special interests’ as some professionals would call it. Instead, you said, “Hey, I actually have a game that stars a lawyer.”

His eyes lit a bit brighter at your words. “I’m listening,”

“It’s a visual novel game, it’s not about jumping or moving, you just press a single button or two and use your brain to solve puzzles and murder mysteries.”

“Murder mysteries? Just a couple of buttons? And starring a handsome lawyer?” He grinned wider as he spoke.

You chuckled, “Well, he has spiky hair like you. Do you wanna come to my room and try it?” You held out your hand. 

Snatcher stared at your outstretched palm, lips parted slightly as if in surprise. In the dim light of the room, it was easy to see a slight flush to his face, but you didn’t question it. Slowly, he reached out and gently placed his large, clawed hand in yours. It was so big your fingers could only manage to wrap around one of his fingers. 

You then gently pulled him to the direction of your room, insomnia forgotten.

“Seriously? This newbie attorney is making his FIRST case a homicide case?!” Snatcher scoffed at the small screen. “This would never fly in real life!!”

“Huh, I never thought about that,” you said. You sat right besides Snatcher, leaning against his curled up form. He glared at the computer screen and hunched over the wireless controller. “Then again, you kinda have to suspend your disbelief for the ‘Attorney Ace’ series. At one point you have to interrogate a parrot.”

“A pecking parrot?”

“Yep. On the witness stand. Towards the end of this installment.”

“Why?!”

“It’s a long story and I don’t wanna spoil anything more.”

“This game so far is a mockery of everything the law stands for, and I am going to beat it.”

You snickered. “Well, to be fair, there are still themes of justice and what’s right, as well as poking fun at the legal system...but yeah, I can see how a legitimate lawyer would probably think that.”

“Any lawyer worth their salt would--oh, cheese and rice, look at that guy.” He pointed at a character on the screen; shifty eyed, a cheap suit, and rubbing his hands anxiously as he stood on the witness stand. “This guy’s more suspicious than a smoking gun covered in blood.”

“Yeah, he is.”

“Is he the real murderer?”

“Well, I’m not gonna spoil anything…” 

Snatcher stuck his tongue out in concentration as he pressed a button, reading the dialogue. He unconsciously curled his long purple tail around you, wrapping over your ankles. You leaned even closer to him, his body acting like a thick quilt, keeping your body safe and comfy. At least, that’s how it felt. Accompanied by the video game soundtrack you knew so well, and the dim light, it created a soothing atmosphere. You closed your eyes and breathed deeply. It was just for a moment, that extended for another moment, and another...

You were the most comfortable you had ever been when your eyes cracked open. You frowned at being woken up, but wasn’t too upset over it. The side of your face was pressed against your simple pillow, and your body was within a cocoon of cheap cotton sheets. As you sluggishly pushed yourself off the mattress, the springs creaking beneath you, you suddenly remembered the previous night. Confused, you looked over to your computer, to find it turned off and the controller neatly placed next to the keyboard. No trace that Snatcher was in there, had even touched your video game. Did it really happen, or was it some weird insomnia dream your brain cooked up on the verge of exhaustion?

Yeah, that was it. The only other explanation was you fell asleep on him, and he eventually picked you up, carried you to ped, and tucked you in. And that felt as likely as Mustache Girl turning into an angel overnight.

You rubbed the sleep out of your eyes. Wait a second, what was that next to the controller? You hopped off the bed and approached. Upon closer inspection, it was a scroll of frayed paper. Familiar paper.

Snatcher’s contract paper.

You unrolled it. It wasn’t a contract but...a note.

“Thanks for letting me play your game. I’ll be swinging by later for a contract that will let me come over and play more. See you later, sweetheart!

PS; you talk in your sleep, in a funny voice! Ha ha HA!”

“Oh, man…” You blushed, burying your face in the paper. You couldn’t believe Snatcher caught you talking in your sleep, in your embarrassing voice. You were so embarrassed you didn’t even realize how happy it made you that Snatcher wanted to come over and play again.

Chapter Text

There were some days where it felt like a fog permeated your brain. You felt numb, no matter what you did or said. No amount of ‘turning your thinking around’ or distracting yourself did any good to pierce the barrier to make you feel anything, anything at all.

You felt like how the port of Mafia town looked on a rainy day; dark clouds hanging low, looming above while drizzling cold water. Each drop that didn’t hit the ground pierced you, even through the yellow raincoat Hat Kid made for you. You tried not to drag your feet as you followed the ever chipper Hat Kid around, but it felt as though the puddles of muddy, murky water were trying to suction your feet to the ground. You plodded along, wearing a smile to hide your true feelings. 

“It’s not her fault you get like this,” said the inner voice in your head that refused to shut up. “But it’d be pretty pathetic if you let on that you were. How horrible; asking a child to help an adult! Just because you feel like nothing matters. Why even bother to keep walking? Why even bother to keep waking up every day? Why even bother to eat? You don’t deserve any of these things, you’re not even useful. To her, you’re mildly entertaining at best. She’ll grow bored of you any day now and send you back home where you’ll continue to be a leach on society and--”

These thoughts were only interrupted when you and Hat Kid got back from retrieving a timepiece from one of the many look alike Mafia men. Hat Kid flung her coat on a coat rack, still dripping wet, as you wrestled with your rain boots. With a grunt, you finally pulled one off...and flicked a good amount of mud on the kitchen tile in the process. You sighed, already seeing the stain settle in. There was no way little Rumbi would be able to get it out by themselves. 

Hat Kid was already skipping away in the direction of the door. She turned around at the last second, and frowned at seeing you not budging from your stop.

“Oh,” you blinked. “You go on ahead, Hattie. I gotta clean this up first.”

She paused, an awkward pause you couldn’t decipher, before she reluctantly turned back to the door and dashed out of the room. 

You rummaged through the kitchen cupboards for paper towels or cleaner, slowly. You felt like you were submerged in water, every limb in your body unable to move properly.

The thoughts returned, but in a jumbled garble of static and sound that filled your ears with a dull ring. If someone were to look inside your brain, you’d imagine all they’d find were scribbles of lines, tangles and messes of thoughts unable to untie themselves into something cohesive. You worked through the dull ringing in your head, tearing off a paper towel.

“...art?...heart! Sweetheart!!”

With a yelp, you dropped the supplies. Not that they fell very far; you were sitting in a curled up position on the tile. When had you sat down? How long were you sitting there? Staring into space? Oh god, were you mumbling to yourself again?! And did Snatcher see it??

“Sweetheart, look at me,” snapped Snatcher. “You okay?”

“Uh, yeah. Yeah, just cleaning up the mess I made.”

He narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips together in a flat line. “Well, you don’t look okay. And you look like you’re on the cusp of crying a river.”

“What? No, no, I’m fine,”

“Really,”

“Really!”

“...”

“I’m fine, really!” You cringe as your voice wavers. Why couldn’t you keep your oversensitive, irrational thoughts under a lid? In front of another person? Whose opinion you valued and appreciated despite their demeanor?

Snatcher’s frown went from dour to sour. “That’s it. Drop what you’re doing.”

“Huh?”

Before you could utter another word, Snatcher’s giant, clawed hands grabbed you under the armpits and hoisted you into the air. Surprised, the cleaning supplies fell from your hands. You were even more surprised when in the blink of an eye, a puff of smoke, you and Snatcher were no longer in the kitchen. You blinked owlishly as you noticed the wooden paneling on the walls, a few boxes sitting about, and cobwebs in almost every corner of the room. 

“Why are we in the attic?” You asked as Snatcher lowered you, the floorboards creaking under your weight.

“Look, I’m no expert in this sort of thing, but I feel like in this sort of situation, you’d prefer a quiet, private place instead of a messy, cold kitchen.”

“Wh-What sort of situation?” You accused. “I’m fine! Like I said! Like I’ve always been…!” 

“___, look me in the eye and say that. I dare you.”

“I’m fine! I-I said I’m fine! And I’ve--I’ve always…” Your eyes stung with hot tears. Fists clenched and quivering. A hard knot in your throat, choking you. 

Those same sensations filled your brain, and you scolded yourself. Again, and again, as the sharpness and numbness spread through your body like pins and needles. You couldn’t even bring your feet to run away.

“How pathetic,”

“Shut up,”

Sniffling, you looked up. Snatcher’s face looked blurry through your tears, but judging by his voice, he was scowling.

“That voice in your head? It’s messed up. I’m no professional, and I’m practically the last person to be saying this, but I think you need a therapist.” He said. 

“I--”

“I don’t want to hear another word out of you unless it’s you asking for help. I’ve heard, seen, and even felt you belittling yourself since we met, and it’s been driving me up the wall. Hat Kid, too! She’s the one who told me to check on you and talk to you, just now!”

Crap, she did notice. And so did he.

“Now I know telling that voice in your head to shut up is easier said than done, but I’m gonna give you something else to listen to; me. You ready?”

You clamped your lips shut and steel yourself for whatever harsh words were on their way.

Snatcher took a deep breath. “____, you remember why I call you Sweetheart all the time? Because you were too pecking nice, friendly, and sweet to you-know-who. You looked at what most people would call a monster and run for the hills screaming, but you? You did the polar opposite! Pretty much up until the end from what I hear. And you know what? She even cared about you! For like half a minute, in a twisted sort of way. But you know who else cares about you, for way longer and way more? Hat Kid! Since the moment she met you even! Plus Bow Kid and maybe even Mustache Girl. You got that crazy kid and a mini tyrant to like you. And can you guess why all these people like you?”

It took a minute for the question to sink in. By the time it did, Snatcher continued, towering above you, oddly close.

“It’s because you’re a genuinely nice person. A good one. I’d argue one of the best I’ve met in the past century. And I’ve met a LOT of different people. That voice in your head is spitting out nothing but pecking lies. You tolerate their antics, play with them, offer to help others at the drop of a hat. Frankly, it baffles me that someone so pecking nice hates themselves so much. If you were more like me, then I’d at least understand, but...ah whatever.” He paused for a breath. Averting his eyes, he said, “Look, what I’m trying to say is...your feelings are valid and stuff, just...not true. You’re valuable. You’re appreciated. You’re...l-loved.” He gagged on the final word like it was rotten food. Then he turned away, crossing his arms. “Sorry, I went off for a bit. What I meant to say is, I can help you find a therapist or what--”

You cut him off with a sniveling, “Th-That’s...that’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me…”

He whipped back around, bewildered. “Really? All that was the nicest thing anyone’s ever spouted at you?” 

Wiping your face with your sleeves, you nodded, biting your lip. “I’m…’m sorry for making you worry. And Hat Kid.”

“Don’t be. Just let us help you.”

“But...Hat Kid’s just a kid--”

“No bu--actually, okay, I get where you’re coming from. There’s no need to rely on a little kid to help a big adult with your kind of problems. Even though she’s not a normal kid. But you get the point!” He gripped you by the shoulders. “You need help, deserve it, and will get it. Or else my name isn’t Snatcher, King of Subcon Forest.”

“...okay,” You wipe the last of your tears and snot from your face.

“Great. So...now what?” Snatcher’s face went blank.

You were so relieved and tired from your cry that you didn’t stop yourself from flinging into Snatcher’s noodly arms and curling against him. Your fingers buried into the mane of his purple hair, cheek pressed against his smooth, cool chest. Nuzzling, you murmured, “Thank you...you overcooked pasta noodle.”

“...’re welcome, sweetheart,” Snatcher mumbled while hesitantly hugging you back. You felt his claws gently brush through your hair, digging into your scalp. “But I’m not an overcooked pasta noodle, for the record.”

“‘Kay…”

Chapter Text

You sat crossed legged atop one of Hattie’s many pillows. You bit back a smile as you felt Snatcher clumsily yet carefully brush and braid your hair. It was one of the now frequent sleep overs with Bow Kid and Mustache Girl, and this time you managed to convince Snatcher to join in, and even do your hair!

All it took was you asking him, and he just said yes. If you didn’t know better, you would have thought he enjoyed these sleepovers. Perhaps they were growing onto him, as they did to you.

Meanwhile Mustache Girl crossed her arms as she sat opposite of you with Hat and Bow Kid toying with her hair and mustache. Her golden locks were already interlaced with ribbons and glitter and plastic beads. Despite the mess, her frown wasn’t as sharp as usual.

“There! All done!!” cheered Bow Kid, and Hat Kid clapped in agreement. Hat Kid then picked up a mirror and shoved it into Mustache Girl’s face, blocking your view of her expression. Snatcher’s hands froze, and you held your breath. 

Mustache Girl’s mustache twitched...then again...then she pushed the mirror out of the way. Her expression was not of blind, bloody rage, but of annoyance. She sighed, “‘S fine.”

Hat Kid broke into a huge grin, and lunged at Mustache Girl, hugging her tightly. Mustache Girl blushed slightly, and absolutely refused to make eye contact. “Yeah, yeah, whatever.” She raised an eyebrow, still coated in glitter, and asked, “So this means it’s my turn now, right?”

Hat Kid nodded. At the dark smile creeping on Mustache Girl’s face, you felt Snatcher’s arms wrapping around you and hugged you from behind, protectively. You even felt his fur puff up like a cat trying to appear intimidating.

“Easy, Snatchie,” You coo. “I’m sure it won’t be that bad. And it’s only fair.”

“Exactly!” Mustache Girl leapt to her feet. “I did Bow Kid’s thing with the hair, and before that I did Hat Kid’s thing by even being here, so now it’s my turn! We’re gonna do something I wanna do!!”

Despite her words, Snatcher’s grip on you tightened. “Remember, you signed a contract stating you would not allow any form of harm onto ___. Oh, and me and Hat and Bowie.”

“Y’know, I couldn’t help but notice everyone else but them,” she pointed at you. “Was just an afterthought.”

“What? Pfft, no! That’s just-just the order it came out as! No big deal!!”

Mustache Girl looked ready to cackle. “Nice try, baka! What I wanna do is play ‘Truth or Dare’, and first off, you! ___!! Dare!!!”

“Wait, what?” You say before the very truth you’re about to play ‘Truth or Dare’ fully settles.

“I dare you! And Snatcher! To!! Kiss!!!”

“...What?!” You and Snatcher cry. Your cheeks went hot, you could feel them turn bright pink. From the corner of your eye, you saw a vivid shade of yellow on his cheeks as well.

“I know Snatcher likes you,” she continues. “I bet he thinks of you as his best friend . But too bad! He’s not gonna like you once he gets your cooties!! ”

“That...um, that’s not how ‘cooties’ works,” You say meekly.

“That’s not the point!” Snatcher barks. “I-I’m not going to...to do that with them! On just a dare!!”

Bow Kid squealed, “Ooooh, yes you are! Hattie and I have been waiting for this for ages!”

“Hat Kid?! Not you too!!”

Hat Kid silently looked at you and Snatcher, eyes bright and a giddy smile on her face. She looked like a fangirl waiting with anticipation of their OTP about to kiss in canon.

“Oh my god, are you all in on this?! Stop pressuring ____ to kiss me, for Pete’s sake!”

Mustache Girl furrowed her brows at Hat and Bow Kid. “Wait--This was my idea! And it was to destroy the gross friendship between them, not-not the opposite!!”

Bow Kid rolled her eyes. “Oh, c’mon, ‘stachie. They’d be a great couple, and have beautiful, half-ghost half-human kids and you know it!”

“Uh…” was all you could mutter. Every fiber of your being felt frozen, unable to process all the feelings and ideas running through your head. What should you do, what could you do, what did you even want to do? How could you weigh your options like this??

Just then, a high pitched jingle came from your back pocket. Startled, you pulled out your phone, seeing the timer blaring at you. The timer you set for the cookies you and Cooking Cat put in the oven earlier.

“The cookies are done gotta go get them byeeee--!” You squeak as you run past the kids and through the door. You were so grateful for an excuse to leave that you didn’t even pay Snatcher another look.

With a sigh, you pulled out a tray of chocolate chip cookies from the oven and dropped them onto the stove. You then kicked the oven closed before pulling off your oven mitts. Then, as steam still whafted from the cookies, you leaned over the counter and stared into space.

Why couldn’t Mustache Girl dare you to do anything else, like stand on your head or something? Or said ‘truth’ for anything other than Snatcher? With the very idea of a grape popsicle colored ghost...who happened to be a very close friend… kissing you… Could he even kiss? Did he have the lips for it? What would it be like, cool and smooth or warm and fleshy? Would he even want to kiss you? You were...surprisingly okay with the idea of him kissing you, but what did he think? Was he even remotely okay with the very idea of it?

There came a gentle knock from the door. You looked over your shoulder and saw Snatcher peeking inside, shyly waving at you.

“H-Hey there, sweetheart,”

“H-Hey,”

“So, uh, about, um...cookies! How are the cookies? Good?”

“They’re still cooling, so, um, I dunno,”

“Oh, uh, cool! Cool, yeah…Um, no pun intended.”

You couldn’t contain a chuckle.

“So…”

“So…” You rubbed your arm. “Um, about that dare back there...can you believe them, heh?”

“Y-Yeah! I can’t believe it! I mean, half-human half-ghost babies? Psssh, pecking ridiculous!”

“I’ve heard of raising the dead, but raising the half dead?” You snickered. “B-Besides, I don’t know if you can even kiss me!” 

Snatcher’s posture suddenly grew defensive. “H-Hang on a minute, I’m perfectly capable of kissing! Just because my mouth looks like I got plastic surgery by a Jack-o-Lantern doesn’t mean I can’t give a good smooch!”

“Wait, really?”

He averted his eyes as he said, “Well, I mean, I think I can…? Not like I’ve kissed anyone since, uh, Vanessa.”

“Oh yeah, Queen Worst-Exgirlfriend. Who also tried to turn me into an ice sculpture.”

“Exactly,” He smirked. “Her loss, though.”

“But yeah, I can see how that’d turn anyone off romance afterwards…”

“...Well, it wouldn’t be so bad with you.”

Your heart skipped a beat. “What?”

“I mean, like...y’know…” He scratched the back of his neck, his tail twitching anxiously. “If I had to kiss anyone in the world right now, I...I wouldn’t mind kissing you, is all I’m saying.”

“Really…?”

“Really. I’d even sign a contract for it.”

“Would you...maybe like to...now?”

“Wait, kiss? Here? Now?”

“O-Only if that’s okay with you I mean I’m okay with it I think I’d actually like it but I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable and I--” You finally cupped your hands over your mouth to stop your babbling. Your cheeks were burning again.

“Wellllll Mustache Girl didn’t say where we had to kiss to complete the dare...and we could do it right here and now from their prying eyes...and we could even dare them something back.”

“It does comply with all the rules…” You hesitantly took a step closer. “And...If you’re okay with it, then…” You looked up at him. You hoped you didn’t look too ridiculous as you tried to flutter your eyelashes. But to your relief, Snatcher hoovered closer, his furr puffing up slightly.

“I-If you want me to stop or change your mind, just speak up, ‘kay?” He whispered. “Or else I’ll take your soul~”

“Do you need me to sign a contract?” You giggle anxiously.

Instead of answering he leaned forward, his cool mouth puckered, almost an inch from yours.

And you worked up the guts to lean back.

It was...nice. Nice didn’t feel like quite the right word, not good enough, but you couldn’t think of anything else to call this. You could feel his faint breath brush against your cheeks, as well as his lips gently pursing against yours, tentatively. Shyly, you reached out and grasped one of his hands with yours, rubbing your thumb against his ghostly knuckles. You hoped it was okay, that this was okay...and that was when you noticed a low, soft rumbling coming from Snatcher. He was...purring. Purring like a happy purple cat.

And then he was pulling away.

You opened your eyes, and saw his eyes were still closed. His eyes slowly opened, like he just awoke from a deep sleep, before they widened to the size of dinner plates. 

Before either of you could break the silence, the door suddenly swung open. Hat Kid, Bow Kid, and Mustache Girl toppled inside and fell into a heap. And in Hat Kid’s hands was a camera. 

“Didja get it, Hattie? Didja get it??”

She gave a thumbs up.

Mustache Girl scoffed. “Whatever, I’m sure they now hate each other by how gross cooties are.”

“What the peck are you girls doing?!” snapped Snatcher. In the blink of an eye, he curled his tail and body around you protectively while blushing madly. “Haven’t you ever heard of knocking?!”

“Um-uh-Mustache Girl! We did your dare so now we dare you to hug Hat Kid and Bow Kid!!”

Mustache Girl got to her feet with an expression of shock. “Wh-What?! No way!!”

Snatcher piped in, “Then truth, you actually care about us. Especially Hat Kid.”

Now she was blushing so red she resembled a tomato. “What?! Of course not!!”

Hat Kid looked at her with sparkles in her eyes, and Bow Kid squealed, “Oh, Mustachie! You super duper do care!”

“N-No I’m not, I-I never agreed to the truth either!!”

“Then get ready for the hug squad!”

Mustache Girl’s face went even redder. She turned on her heel and sprinted out the room, her red cape whipping behind her. The other girls ran after her, hot on her heels, giggling like tiny mad men. You and Snatcher were left alone, in awkward silence for a minute that stretched on for too long. Then you noticed how close you two were to each other, yet neither of you moved away, just looked away, blushing.

“So, uh, I think the cookies are cool. You wanna eat some?”

“Yeah. Let’s grab some then watch the show of Hat Kid 1.0 and 2.0 smother Mustache Girl.”

You had to laugh at that, and he joined in, and despite the awkwardness and uncertainty, you couldn’t remember the last time you had felt this comfortable and content.