Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Did you hear that?” Ellie asks Susie from where they’re sitting at the kitchen table. I look down at the broken vase at my feet and cringe. She definitely heard it.

“Hear what?” Suzy asks, words jumbled as she eats a cookie. It’s oatmeal, her favorite. I know that without even looking.

“There was a loud noise and… it was probably nothing.” I hear Ellie grab a cookie too. I’m for once glad for Suzy’s horrible hearing. It never came in handy when I tried to confess to her at night.

I wipe my sweaty hooves on my red dress silently and then slip my gloves back on. This shouldn’t be stressing me out but it is. This is the first time I’ve done this in the day after all.

My first objective is to get rid of the competition so I head to where Edmond and Richard are playing.

Edmond’s room is down the hall, the second door on the right. I had to map out Ellie’s house before coming here which wasn’t hard and it was a perfect waste of time so I came here last night. No one noticed.

I tiptoe on the soft carpet covering the floor and make sure not to touch any of the walls. If I do this just right…

Edmond’s door is wide open. Perfect.

I reach inside when neither of them are paying attention and turn the lights off, throwing a flashlight inside with a note on it.

Richard picks it up and reads it. “Don’t worry Edmond and Richard. It’s just Ellie and Suzy. Be quiet because mom and dad told you to go to sleep. If you leave the light off we won’t tell them you stayed up.”

“Oh, nice!” Edmond whispers to Richard who laughs quietly.

“Now we can play space rangers!”

I would say it makes me sad to ruin their cute little plans but really, I feel nothing. I slip the knife out of my pocket and get it over with.

There is no screaming, no struggle, no nothing. It’s quick and I enjoy it, letting the blood flow down my arms as I put the knife where it belongs. I smile.

I make my way to the window, not bothering to turn the lights on. I do take the note though, I wouldn’t want anyone to figure out that it was me.

Climbing out of the window is fairly easy. I’m used to doing this. It’s always been something I’ve been good at and I have a good reason to do it now which keeps me in shape.

I run away from the house after pulling my jacket hood up over my head. Once I’m about five hundred feet away I walk, stuffing my hands in my pockets and I feel my knife. I’m proud of myself.

When I get home I try not to make any noise but Daddy’s always been good at knowing when one of us is home.

“Hello, Peppa! Just in time for dinner!” Daddy rounds the corner to kiss my forehead and I don’t dodge it. That’d be suspicious to him.

“Hi, Daddy.” I start up the stairs as he sidesteps me and watches me go. I turn back once to see him smiling and humming to himself and walking back to the kitchen. I’m glad my dress is red.

When I get back to my room George is there, playing with my dolls. “George!” I shout at him. I should probably be nice considering what I just did to his best friends but I can’t bring myself to care about them.

“What?” He looks up at me innocently and I roll my eyes and stomp over to him, pointing at the ground.

“Put. Them. Down.” With each word, I step closer and George drops them and runs out of my room.

I flop down on my bed and am about to take my knife out to clean it when I hear George talking to Mommy.

“I can’t wait for my play date with Richard and Edmond tomorrow!”

I bet you can’t, George. I know I can’t wait.

Chapter Text

I can’t cry. Even if I faked being sad no tears would come. I have to use all my self-control to not smile.

It’s Edmond and Richard’s shared funeral today. It’s been about two weeks since the… incident . I haven’t been caught.

Georgie’s crying and it makes me sick. He doesn’t know what he’s crying about. He’s crying about something that was done for a good cause. Georgie didn’t love Edmond and Richie, not the way I love Susie.

I look over at Susie’s who is gripping Johnny’s shoulders while he stares at the casket that’s being lowered into the ground. I let a small smile slip through. It’s easy to cover up.

The funeral doesn’t take much longer. It’s just us paying our respects and some food that tastes just like what I had for breakfast. And supper. And lunch.

I feel like throwing up.

I run to the church that we’re by and burst through the doors. The sound of it bangs on my head and I push past the group of grown-ups with clear cups in their hands. I need to get away.

I’m running, trying to leave the thoughts of death, the blood, the smell behind and leave.

That’s when I run into Ellie.

She’s crying and hiccups when she runs into me. I stare at her, wide-eyed. I wish I didn’t have the urge to, to…

“Peppa? What are you doing here?” I look around to take in my surroundings and I notice that we’re in the nursery. Life and death. How funny.

“I needed to get away,” I say, fiddling with my hands. She gives me a look and I quickly tack on “From Edmond and Richard’s… you know,” We both cringe and I curse my awkward ways. At least my hands are steady.

“Yeah,” Ellie collapses into the chair behind her and puts her head in her hands. I stand there, not knowing what to do. I reach for my knife in my pocket, just in case.

In case?

She’s right there, defenseless. There’s no one else around and I need to take my pent up emotions out on someone. So, why not?

I sit in the chair beside her and rock back and forth. It’s easy enough to pull my knife out without her noticing but I still want to be careful. Messing up would mean a lifetime of nothing. A lifetime without Susie.

I’m not willing to risk that.

“He was so young,” Ellie says quietly. It’s muffled by her hands and her throat is scratchy from all the crying but I can make out what she’s saying. “He didn’t deserve to die,”

“That’s the thing, Ellie,” I flip my blade over and over in my hand, almost but not quite cutting into my hand. “None of us really do.”

And just like that, it's over. She no longer has to suffer and I no longer have to deal with that nagging feeling of guilt. It’s a win-win situation.

When I put my knife back where it belongs, after giving it a rinse in the sink, I stare at Ellie’s lifeless body and I know what I did was wrong.

Or was it?

I feel like I’m drowning and there’s got to be someone. There’s got to be someone up there to help me.

Chapter Text

I can’t breathe anymore.

I’m lying on my bed, trying to figure out what to do next. It’s not easy when your little brother won’t stop using your karaoke machine.

The plug for it is right by my bed and I’m tempted to pull it out. George is belting the lyrics to a Billie Eilish song, Bellyache I think. I don’t listen to much music, it’s too loud.

Instead of pulling the plug out I get up and go to the bathroom and put both hands on either side of the sink. I can’t breathe as I look up at my reflection in the mirror.

I’ve always known that I look average. People comment on it, never good and never bad. Just average.

Maybe that’s why Suzie doesn’t love me.

That thought gets my brain running. If I were to look… better then maybe I could sway Suzie. There’d be no more tragedy, no more heartbreak, just love. And lipstick

I dig through the cabinet under the sink, searching for Mommy’s lipstick. When I find it I uncap it and smear it across my lips. It won’t help much with my looks, but I have a plan.

My knife is in my pocket, like always. I take it out and pull the tube of lipstick out of the bottle. The knife is small enough to fit so I stick it in. That part’s done.

I leave the bathroom and travel down the stairs and to the door, yelling goodbye to my parents and George. I’m going to Suzie.

She isn’t at her house, I know that. I memorized her whole schedule in my free time, which I have a lot of. She’s at ballet.

Running across the town isn’t as hard as it seems, especially at night. I glance at the setting sun in the distance and smile, showing my teeth. I’m almost there.

I got there right before the establishment closes so all the ballerinas are still in it. Now for the waiting.

All the girls, except Suzie, trickle out slowly. Suzie’s always last because it takes her longer to take off her shoes. The laces always confuse her.

I slip in through a window in the back that’s always unlocked. This is my way through every time. I like watching Suzie dance so I come here sometimes and sit up in the vents and enjoy. But not today, I have a job to do.

I walk through the empty halls until I find the locker room which is where Suzie is. When I open the door she turns her head and smiles at me. She’s still on the floor, trying to untie her shoes.

“Hey, Peppa! What’re you doing here?” she asks, getting up and walking over to me so we can have a proper conversation.

“Your mom said we were supposed to pick you up today and I thought that maybe you could give me a tour,” my eyes flick down to her lips then back up to her eyes. I try not to give in to the overwhelming urges. “If you want to.”

“Sure!” Suzie grabs her bag and starts guiding me around. I know my way around, I have since I was 10, but I’m trying to get Suzie to take me to a certain place.

We’re in the back half of the building now. It’s dark because none of the lights are on, except for the flickering lamp right outside the gym but you can’t really see with that light.

“And that’s the janitor closet,” Suzie points at the crooked door to our right and continues walking but I stop. This is it.

Suzie notices I’ve stopped walking and turns around to face me, looking between me and the janitor’s closet. “Do you want to go in?” she asks which is no surprise. Since fourth grade, I’ve been building the lie that I want to be a janitor when I grow up. It wouldn’t be too bad. I’m great at cleaning up accidents.

I nod and she goes to the door and opens it. I flick the light switch up and the lightbulb above us flickers to life. I smile then quickly make my expression blank. I don’t need her to know anything.

I can hear Suzie shifting behind me as I walk farther into the closet, dragging my hand along the rack of paper towels. She’s getting uncomfortable which wouldn’t usually be my goal but now it is.

I stop in front of the rope that’s on the top shelf and stare at it. I feel Suzie move toward me and she puts a hand on my shoulder. I don’t move.

“Peppa…” I reach up slowly and grab the rope. It’s light since there’s not much of it but it’ll do.

I turn on Suzie, throwing the rope over my shoulders and pulling out the lipstick container with my knife in it.

“Peppa,” Suzy breathes, her eyes wide.

“Yes, love?” I hold her face in one of my hands and my knife that I’m holding up to her throat with the other.

Suzie’s eyes become wider. She tries to back away from me but the hand that was holding her face grabs her wrist and I smile sweetly at her.

“If I can’t have you, no one can,” I say, digging the knife into her throat slowly. I want her to suffer, just like I have for years and years.

Suzie is choking on her own blood as I slowly tie the noose around my neck. I slice the knife across her throat to help quicken the process. She falls to the ground, gasping. I stand on a rack and tie the rope to one of the beams holding the ceiling.

I don’t step off the rack until Suzie has gone limp. When Suzie is gone I throw my knife on the ground and with one last breath, I step off the rack.

The world goes black as I feel my stomach sink to the ground.

My belly aches.