Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

I remember it like it was just days ago. There was a fog when I awoke. The air was heavy, and I felt the moisture on my face. I opened my eyes there were trees above me and I am not in my tent. I must have fallen asleep I don’t remember lying down to take a nap. The last I remember I was looking at the cairns and there was a deep buzzing noise and touched the center stone; then nothing. It must have been at least a few hours since I left on my walk, I figured someone from the camp would have stumbled upon me by now. I look around for my pack, but it is nowhere to be found. Damn fox or an animal must have gotten to it. I lifted up my skirts to stand. These damned skirts. So old fashioned and so inconvenient. This reenactment was boring and ridiculous. I couldn’t even hear fake canon and musket fire anymore. Also, I’m pretty sure there weren’t any Asian people during this time in America, but Suzette insisted because they couldn’t get enough people to volunteer. I think I would have looked more authentic in a native American costume.
The east has a pretty strong tradition in reenacting parts of the revolutionary war. Battle of Kings Mountain in North Carolina. What the hell was I even doing there? Oh yeah acting as a poor bystander. Yeah, Asian person back in the 1700s…right. I felt ridiculous. Maybe I’ll just lay down and pretend to be “dead”. I walked out of the circle of cairns and try to get my bearings. What a way to spend a vacation, in a fucking revolutionary war reenactment. I can see the sun setting in the east and so I start heading north back to where the encampment is, it’s going to be dark soon.
I remember Suzette telling me about how simple things were “back then” and it sounded so nice. I would love to get away from all the complications of dating apps, cell phones in general. Being alone. My mind being quiet. But that would require not being a part of a loud battle reenactment. I started to wonder why it was so quiet. Maybe they were all breaking for supper? I was getting hungry and it was starting to get dark. If I didn’t want to be food for the wolves I should hurry. I felt like I had been walking for a while, it’s been at least long enough for me to have hit the paved trail by now. I was beginning to worry that I had gone in the wrong direction. I finally hit a dirt road that I didn’t remember seeing but decided to follow anyway east.
I couldn’t see any tents or cars parked up ahead, but the hills looked familiar. I kept walking until I heard horse hooves behind me. I turned and saw a carriage and couldn’t believe that someone had rented a carriage with horses and coachmen to this event. I couldn’t help but laugh and keep walking. A man about 30 years of age, pale skin and storm blue eyes with his hair pulled back into a neat ponytail poked his head out the side as the carriage pulled up to me. In a very authentic British accent and in full red coat attire
“Madame, are you lost?”
I turned to look at him mockingly said back “No I am not my lord I’m making my way back to town.”
He smiled and replied “You speak English, wonderful! I am on my way to Wilmington and would be delighted in the company and escort you as far as you need go”
I thought that he had heard the sarcasm in my voice but decided to play along as to not offend my ride, so I replied
“That is so generous of you my lord, I will only be needing passage to Charlotte.”
The man looked confused and replied, “Who is charlotte?”
I stood in disbelief that this guy was staying in character. “The town of Charlotte my lord…is that not what the town that lies about 40 miles to the east of here?”
He then smiled and said, “oh my dear you mean the county of Anson.”
I nodded and climbed into the cabin. “thank you, my lord, for your generosity I would not have made it far on my own.”
He smiled and said, “How very rude of me, my name is Lord John Grey, what may I call you? how long were you walking for and why with no supplies?”
It seemed odd that he was grilling me, but we are acting now aren’t we. “Oh yes, my name is Jane…err…Eyre” I knew better than to use my real last name because it wouldn’t have been “authentic”, and I couldn’t think of anything else except for that 19th-century book. I was hoping to get a laugh out of this guy, but he stayed in perfect character.
I continued “I was not walking long. I came from a small encampment in…Anson on a small adventure and lost track of time. As for supplies I’m afraid some wild animals took them as I was distracted.”
I couldn’t think of a better excuse.
He looked at me curiously and asked “where is your escort? Surely a lady like yourself should not be wandering alone?”
The dedication of this guy was incredible. I looked out of the window and replied “my Mistress is waiting for me back at the town, I was away looking for herbs” I felt so silly making up so much bullshit over a reenactment.
We sat in silence for a bit when I spoke
“How much longer till we get to Anson?” I didn’t know how long it would be by carriage, but I knew it would be longer than it would in a car.
“well, it should take us no longer than it took you, madame…do you not recall?”
I rolled my eyes and just had it
“NO, I don’t, I don’t bloody know because I don’t travel by carriage normally. STOP acting and be straight with me?! Now can I please borrow your phone?!”
I was so tired and just wanted to be in my Bed and Breakfast bed and out of this God dammed outfit and in a pair of sweats. John looked at me with confusion and worry.
“Madame I’m sorry if I upset you but it will take us the night at least and I’m sorry but I don’t know what a phone is.”
I was about to lose my mind. This guy literally thought that he was in the 18th century. Of course, I would get in a carriage with a crazy person.
“Please stop the carriage and let me out I would rather walk than be a part of this anymore.” This so was not worth the free ride. I was done.
“Madame I must insist that you stay with me it appears you have been alone far too long and have lost the capacity to think properly. We must get you to the physician immediately.”
I couldn’t do it anymore
“I AM A PHYSICIAN YOU IDIOT.”
The man looked shocked and looked at me like I was insane.
“Bailey, Stop the carriage.”
I was relieved and when the carriage stopped, I was eager to get out but couldn’t figure out the door. One of the coachmen opened it and I stepped out then I heard Lord John say,
“please restrain madam Eyre and bring her back to the carriage.”
I was then grabbed around my arms and lifted up by my waist and I kicked hoping to get him in the nuts, but he was too quick. My hands were wrenched in front of me and bound the same with my feet. I was screaming obscenities and was tossed back into the carriage.
“Madame Eyre, I must insist that you calm down. Please, I am only trying to help you. I will take you to Wilmington with me and I will find you a physician there. Bailey, get the laudanum we must sedate her.”
I started kicking like a madwoman. I didn’t understand why this guy insisted on staying in character and why were his friends playing along. Was this some sick joke? My mind was racing. I was about to raped or die. For the first time, I was afraid. They forced my mouth open I screamed but it was drowned out by liquid that I choked on at first. I could feel the laudanum working my vision started tunneling and I fell into darkness. It was several days of being drugged up, fed water and food sparingly and allowed to eliminate wastes. I fought when I could but by day 3, I was out of the fight. I surrendered to being captive. There was no rape or anything of the sort, lord John actually seemed very disinterested in me.
The fourth day I awoke in the carriage unbound. I sat up quickly but regretted it instantly. I felt dizzy and laid back down to catch my breath. I don’t know how long it had been or where I was. The carriage was stopped, and it was close to dusk. I looked out the carriage window and saw that we were in some sort of old colonial-style town. I then realized that this wasn’t a game. I was really back in the 18th century. There is no way someone would take it this far. Everyone was dressed as they lived in the 1700’s I was dumbfounded. I wanted to believe I was in a film. Or was I kidnapped and brought to some kind of weird minimalist cult. My mind was racing then suddenly Bailey’s face was in front of mine and startled me. I leaped back
“Christ!”
I glared back at him. He opened the door,
“Lord John requests your presence.”
I exited the carriage and when I could fully stand up straight, I righted myself and my dress. Bailey tried to grab my arm
“Don’t fucking touch me!”
I spat as I pulled my arm away from him. I followed the other red coats in front of me to a two-story brick building. I entered and it was furnished with some amazing timepieces. I really felt like I was on some historical movie set. I was praying that someone was going to pop out and scream ‘you just got punked!’ at me but nothing of the sort happened. We entered a dining room with beautiful place settings and candelabras with lit candles. There at the head of the table, was Lord John and an empty seat to the right of him.
“Ah, madame Eyre I was about to have you carried to your room, but it looks like you have awoken in time for dinner. Please sit.” He motioned me to sit and I did.
It looked like quail and it looked really good. I didn’t realize how hungry I was until I sat down and saw food. I picked up the two-pronged fork and the knife and started into my quail. It was delicious and I must have looked like a wild animal eating because I looked over at Lord John and he looked entertained by my beastly manner.
“well, I didn’t expect you to be so trusting of the food. How do you know it wasn’t poisoned?”
I glared up at him and swallowed my food an took the napkin and wiped my mouth.
“If it was poisoned, my lord, at least I would not have to put up with your presence anymore,” I said sarcastically.
He laughed and continued to eat.
“You know, I know a woman like yourself. Unapologetically honest and a physician, well more of a surgeon. She’s very peculiar and is nearby as well. Perhaps I shall introduce you two.”
I looked up at him and was looking for some sort of sarcasm, but he was being genuine. I softened my shoulders and relaxed a bit. I knew he didn’t mean me any harm. Perhaps I just needed to stop being so uptight but then I remembered the laudanum and my brain went into survival mode.
“I would like that very much. What is her name if you don’t mind me asking?”
John looked up and smiled
“Claire Fraser, she is the wife of a… a very good friend of mine. I myself will not be able to take you as I have business to attend here but I can arrange transport for you. They are about 3 days ride from here. If you would I do have a request that you take a letter to her husband, Jamie Fraser, for me”
I needed to play along there wasn’t much I could do as far as fighting his men off, but I could run away on the way there.
“Of course, my lord, it would be my pleasure. I am grateful to you and your generosity, but what of my Mistress I’m sure she is worried about me.”
Lord John furrowed his brows a bit.
“yes, of course, I will provide pen and ink and you can write a message and let her know that I have commissioned you for this task and that you will be on your way once you have delivered my message to Jamie Fraser for me. Please let me know her name as well and I will write to her at once to apologize for inconveniencing her.”
My face fell. I didn’t think he would ask for a name. I quickly ran through the names of famous people that I knew.
“Washington” I blurted out. “Mistress Martha Washington”
I looked down at my food immediately so that he couldn’t tell I was lying.
John looked confused
“Oh yes, the wife of General Washington. I have been acquainted with them since my arrival. I’m sure if I were to write to her that you are in good health and under my protection, she will not mind if I commandeer your services for a while”
I kept looking at my food
“Thank you, my lord, I’m sure she will be relieved to know that I am well and not being kept against my will.”
I could see the hurt in his eyes and that I had offended him.
“well now that you have stopped with your madness, I am willing to treat you civilly. You were mad with your ravings and would mutter things about…well just nonsense. I would like to have a physician look at you to ensure that it was just temporary, but I don’t think that will be necessary any longer.”
I looked at him annoyed
“no my lord, it will not be required any longer.”
Relief washed over him, and he smiled.
“well, then you must tell me how you came to be in the colonies. I mean a woman of your ethnicity must have come a long way to be here. Actually, my friend Jamie traveled with a china man for a while, but they went separate ways in the west indies. Please do tell me, it must be a wondrous adventure you’ve had to come to be here.”
I looked at him wide-eyed. I now had to come up with a fucking backstory. I pulled from the back of my head Korean history and medical history from Britain. I thanked my stars that I minored in Korean and paid attention in medical history.
“Well, I suppose my lord that I am from the peninsula of Choson or as you know the Hermit Kingdom. I came from a family of ceramicists. We were captured and taken to China for our craft and served the Emperor. We were the best. Since my father provided many treasures for the emperor our family was given a high status in China. It was decided that I was to be sent away to Britain to find a better opportunity in life than as an artist. That is where I was put under the charge of Edward Jenner and his wife Lady Catharine Kingscote. From Lord Jenner, I learned to be a physician and from Lady Jenner, I learned the ways of the court and how to be a lady. I wanted to come to the colonies to practice medicine as there is not much opportunity in Britain. That is where I was put under the charge of my lady Martha Washington.”
I hoped that this tale was enough to satisfy Lord John.
He looked at me with wonder and amusement. It seemed that I had done a good job of putting this story altogether.
“My what a life you have lived. I dare say you have had a journey worth writing in books for all to read about.”
I smiled knowing that it was all a lie. It was just something I needed to do to survive.
“My lord I am so very tired and would like to retire for the evening, with your permission of course”
He sudden looked at the clock and looked back at me.
“of course, it has been a trying week for you please my manservant will escort you to your room.”
I had hardly noticed but there were slaves all around me. I felt nauseous at the thought of it, but I didn’t want to upset my host and nodded politely to Lord John.
“Goodnight Lord John I look forward to speaking about my future travels tomorrow.”
As the “manservant” guided me up the stairs as soon as we turned the corner, I told him
“I’m perfectly capable of finding my room I don’t need your help any longer.”
The young man’s lips turned to a frown.
“sorry Mistress?”
I rolled my eye and said “never mind”
We walked the rest of the way in silence and he opened the door and I saw the bed and it was calling me. I was too tired to try and escape tonight so I decided to go in and sleep it off and deal with it tomorrow morning. As soon as I entered the manservant quickly said “Mistress” and closed the door and scurried away. I took off the layers of skirts that I had on until I was down to my shift. It was uncomfortable, but it was better than sleeping in my underwear. I got under the comforter and into the bed and drifted off into my first non-drug induced sleep in a week.

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I awoke to a maid barging in and opening the curtains quickly and yelling
“It’s near half past 10 in the mornin’ Mistress! You must be up the lord is waiting for you in the parlor.”
I groggily opened my eyes and squinted at the sudden rush of light.
“oh yes, must not keep the Lord waiting. Who are you?”
I rubbed my eyes and angrily threw the covers off me.
“My name is Annie. Come now Mistress into the tub it’s near ice in there but I have some warm pitchers of water ready for you.”
I looked at her incredulously
“I am perfectly capable of bathing myself Annie please leave.”
Annie looked at me shocked and left. I undressed and got into the tub the water was fucking cold and I was now awake. I quickly grabbed the pitchers of warm water and poured them over my head. It was instant relief. I sat there disappointed that it wasn’t all a dream, Suzette was probably freaking out that I wasn’t back and not responding to her calls. Maybe she had called the cops? But that wouldn’t do them any good because I was transported over 200 years in the fucking past! I sighed and started scrubbing to get clean. Good thing these skirts were long my legs were hairy! When I got clean, I got out of the tub and wrapped a cloth around me to dry off. I heard a knock at the door.
“Mistress, I have brought you some fresh clothes to wear.”
I looked back at where my old ones were, and they were gone.
“well, there goes my deposit” I muttered.
I opened the door slightly with the cloth tightly wrapped around me and stuck my hand out.
“Mistress, may I come in and assist you with your dress?”
I rolled my eyes and figured it was just the way things were nowadays. I opened the door wide open and let her in.
“if you insist,” I said angrily
Annie walked in pleased with herself and started to layout the multi-piece outfit that I assume lord John had picked out. I dropped the cloth and stood butt naked waiting for the maid to “dress” me. I couldn’t believe how assisted every one of lord johns’ class was but then I recalled that king Louie used to have an audience to take a shit. Annie turned around and looked horrified.
“GOOD GOD MISTRESS! What have you done to yourself!?”
I instantly grabbed the dropped cloth and covered myself
“I’m sorry I thought you wanted me naked.”
“Dear God Mistress. What on earth have you done to your skin?! You were meant to clean yourself not paint on yourself!”
Fuck, I had forgotten about my tattoos.
“Oh, yes this is a long-standing tradition from my country. Where we put ink into our skin in patterns and pictures. It’s not painted, and it will not come off.”
I tried to be as reassuring as possible. Annie smiled and seemed to have calmed down and composed herself.
“Well, Mistress, if it’s tradition then who am I to stand here and judge you. If you are ready to be dressed please come and stand over here by me.”
I smiled and thought that was a very open-minded way to get around it. I walked over to her still clutching the cloth. When I got close enough, she grabbed it out of my hands and started to dress me.
When it was all said and done, I looked in the mirror and found myself wearing a plain brown skirt held up with a black belt. A long-sleeved, white shirt, with a linen scarf tied around the neck, tucked into the skirt. A green wool shawl that was crossed in front and bound in the back. The maid then proceeded to work on my hair. I was hoping to keep it down, but she pulled it into a neat low bun and pinned it in place.
“There we are, much better.”
I looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize myself. I looked like I belonged in that crazy Jackie Chan and Owen Wilson movie, what was it called “Shanghai Noon”?
“Thanks, Annie, I really appreciate all your help.”
She nodded and I stood up and nodded back. I made my way to the door and down to the dining room where my gracious host was waiting for me.
When I entered the dining room Lord John stood
“Good morning Mistress Jane. Please, won’t you join me and breakfast?”
I smiled at him and walked over to the seat next to him once again and sat down.
“Thank you, my lord”
“I trust that you slept well, and I see that Annie delivered and assisted you with fresh clothing”
“yes, she’s been the most helpful this morning.”
Just then Annie came in with a young boy with dark brown hair and the bluest eyes I have ever seen.
“Oh, Mistress Jane this is my son, William. Come greet our guest William.”
“It is my pleasure to make your acquaintance Mistress Jane, May I be seated Papa”
The boy was no more than 12 or 13 years of age. He was handsome but did not look like Lord John.
“It is my pleasure to make your acquaintance Master William.”
Lord John directed the boy to sit in the chair to his left. The boy sat.
“Pardon me Mistress Jane but I’ve never seen a person like you before. May I inquire as to where you are from?”
I smiled it was natural for the boy to be curious.
“No pardon necessary young master. I am from a small country called the Hermit Kingdom, but I have lived in the colonies for a good part of my life.”
The young boy seemed wary of me, but he was curious. We ate the rest of the meal with little conversation. When we finished eating Lord John motioned for Annie to come forward
“Mistress Jane, Annie will accompany you so that you may gather supplies for your journey to Riverrun. Please if there is anything you need at all do not hesitate to use the funds to obtain it. I have some business to attend to with the governor so I will not be able to show you around, but I will be back to see you off in the afternoon.”
He handed Annie the coin purse.
“Thank you, my lord, but that’s really not necessary.”
“No please I insist. You are doing me a tremendous favor”
I nodded and smiled.
“Come Mistress we must be going now if we don’t want the scraps.”
I looked back at lord John.
“Thank you, my lord, I will see you when I return.”
He smiled “Of course Mistress Jane. Good Day.”
“Good Day Mistress Jane” William stood from his chair.
“Good day Lord John and Master William” I curtsied and followed Annie out the door.
“I took your clothes to a seamstress she should be finished up with them we will get them on the way back home. First, let’s go to the Dry Good store then we’ll go to the tavern and get the remainder of what you will be needing.”
Annie motioned to the wagon that was outside. I got in and we were off. I was feeling overwhelmed. It was all real. I was really living like an early colonist. I felt like I was going to faint but then we hit a bump and it shook me back to reality, my new reality. I couldn’t wait to get outside of this place so that I could find my way back to the Carin circle to go back to my own time.
We went to the dry goods store and then the tavern. We arrived at the seamstress’s house. I walked into the house and there she was with a baby.
“Annie, I dinna expect ye so early. Dinna fash I have nearly finished.”
I was surprised by the Scottish accent, but I guess there were early settlers during the day.
“Oh wonderful, Mistress Jane this is Marsali Fraser.”
I smiled and curtsied to her
“pleasure to meet you Marsali. Fraser, are you related to Jamie and Claire Fraser?”
The woman’s smile broadened.
“do ya ken my daddy and Claire?”
“no, I don’t I am to go visit them at Riverrun and give them a message on behalf of Lord John.”
She folded up my old clothes neatly and wrapped them up into a white cloth. A tall, thin, dark-haired, french man came from around the corner.
“Did I hear my lord and ladies' name?”
“This is my husband Fergus. Mistress Jane is going tah Riverrun to see daddy and Claire.”
He smiled widely and went over to the baby.
“I hear it is a beautiful I am envious that you are going before us but alas we still have some business to take care of here until then.” He said in a French accent.
I spotted some pants and they looked about my size.
“Marsali could I trouble you for some…uhhh…britches?”
I had to remember that they were not called pants at this time. I desperately did not want to be in a dress for the remainder of my time here. Annie looked appalled but didn’t say anything as it was not her place. Marsali also looked confused but saw an opportunity to make a few more shillings so she grabbed two pairs and handed them to Annie.
“Aye, these look bout yer size. That twill be 4 shillin’s for the two”
I smiled “thank you Marsali I really appreciate it and I’m looking forward to meeting your family they sound wonderful.”
Annie paid Marsali and grabbed the garments. We exited and went back to the wagon.
“Mistress, I took the liberty of having Marsali make several extra shirts and a long jacket for you. I’ve packed them away for your journey already.”
“Thank you, Annie, you really didn’t have to.”
I felt silly that she was fussing over me.
“Mistress I am charged with ensuring that you have everything you need for your journey.”
“I won’t forget you, Annie. Thank you so much. I hope that we will meet again.”
We returned to the residence of Lord John. When we walked in there was a man with Lord John in the parlor. He was tall and broad-shouldered. Late 20’s maybe early 30’s. Long dark hair and beard. He appeared to be a fur trapper and trader. He had an olive complexion but not very dark I assumed he was half native American. He had a long leather coat with fur on the collar. White shirt with a red scarf tied around his neck. Long dark leather pants held up by a high waisted belt with two bone handled knives sheathed. He was dichromatic, one blue eye, one brown eye. He looked at me with those eyes and my heart skipped a little. I was taken aback at first but composed myself quickly enough to where no one else noticed except for the both of us.
“Mistress Jane you have returned. Wonderful I would like you to meet your guide, Declan Harp.”
I curtsied “Pleasure to meet you, Mister Harp.”
He scoffed “Don't call me mister. Call me Declan.”
It felt like he knew I didn’t belong here. He stared at me for some time without saying anything, my heart raced, and then looked back at Lord John and held out his hand.
“Do you have the payment?”
Lord John smiled and took the coin purse off of his belt and handed it to Declan. Declan looked in the coin purse and counted it quickly. He wrapped it back up and started for the door.
“Let’s go.” He called over his shoulder.
I looked at lord john and smiled and curtsied.
“Thank you so much, my lord, for everything. I will get your message to Jamie Fraser. I hope that your business here goes well and please give my regards to master William.”
“Madame Eyre, it has been a pleasure having you with us. I am happy to have made your acquaintance and I know you are in good hands. Until we meet again.”
He took my hand and kissed it. I felt some guilt as I knew I was telling a lie. I would have escaped before I would get his message to Jamie. Declan might prove to be difficult to shake but I had to try.
I walked out of the house and the wagon was gone and two horses stood in their place. Declan was on one already and the other, mine, was being held by a servant waiting for me to get on it. I looked back at Lord John and smiled. Even though I knew we would never meet again and we had a rough beginning, he was a sweet man. I got on the horse and we rode out of town Declan set a fast pace which pleased me since I was anxious to get far enough away so that I could escape.

Chapter Text

We rode for several hours in silence; it was very uncomfortable. I figured we would have seen another person by now but there didn’t seem to be any roads or any buildings. Declan looked over at me and smiled.
“You aren’t from around, here are you kiyôtêw?”
I looked back at him and smiled
“No, I’m not, but neither are you and what did you just call me?”
He smirked and said “true, but I meant that you don’t seem like you are from this new world and you aren’t from Britain. So, you are a kiyôtêw, it means visitor from afar”
My heart dropped and I looked away pissed that he had made me already.
“Don’t worry I’m not going to say anything to anyone. I have my payment and I gave my word that I would get you to where you need to be, but don’t try anything funny ya hear?”
I felt a sense of relief but knew that this meant he was going to keep an extra close eye on me. We kept riding and when it started to get dark so stopped in an opening in a forest, I tied my horse to a tree with an easy knot so that I could slip away easily later. He set up his bedroll and then started to work on the fire. I rolled my bed roll out as well and made it look like I was ready for bed.
“I’m going to go get us some dinner. Wait here I’ll be back.”
I looked over and smiled.
“Thank you.”
He nodded and then walked off with some throwing knives. I waited about 20 mins before I packed my bed up again and grabbed some jerky from the food sack. I untied the horse and started riding away. I didn’t think about the direction I was going I just went at full speed. I felt bad for leaving him, but I had to get back. I’m sure my picture was on a milk carton by now. I rode and rode until I got to a dirt road. I followed it for a while and then I heard someone following me on horseback. I was shocked and couldn’t believe Declan had caught up to me. Then there was another figure on a horse in front of me. My stomach turned. It wasn’t Declan. It was a group of Native Americans and they did not look welcoming. I turned back around at full speed I would rather be with Declan than be with a group of people that I didn’t understand. I felt so stupid I didn’t even think about the chances of being captured again. My heart dropped as I saw another native American in front of me, bow pulled taught with an arrow notched and ready to go at my head. I halted my horse and put my hands up. I knew that I didn’t have another choice. I had to be smart and pick my battles. The native American was yelling something. Probably for me to get off. I didn’t understand but I got off anyway and put my hands up again. He waited for his companions to come find us before he lowered his arrow. His companion forced me to my knees. I felt so helpless. All of a sudden, I heard a gunshot. I immediately fell to the ground with my hands over my head trying to stay low. I heard Declan say something in his native American tongue. One of the native Americans spoke.
“You are a long way from home. This is Cherokee land, not Cree. Why are you so far from your home?”
The Indian that said that grabbed me by my hair and lifted me up and put a knife to my throat. I looked up and saw Declan. He was not happy.
“The kiyôtêw is under my protection I gave a man my word that I would take her to Riverrun. We have peace amongst our tribes. Do not start a war over one woman.”
The other Native Americans looked at each other but did not seem satisfied with his claim.
“your tribe would not come to fight because of you.”
Declan smiled
“but we would stop our fur trade with you. Do you know who I am?”
They seemed to look more concerned after he had mentioned that.
“We have heard of you half breed; you are Declan Harp. What do you have to trade for her?” said the only English speaker.
Declan scowled and replied, “I have furs from the Lake walker tribe.”
The Native Americans looked pleased and all seemed to have agreed.
“take us to your camp and we will make the exchange there.”
We rode for maybe 10 mins before we were back at camp. Declan dismounted and went over to where the furs were. He grabbed two bundles of furs and threw them over to the other two Native Americans. The one holding me captive helped me off the horse and walked me over to Declan. I looked up at him and he did not look pleased. I felt helpless and ashamed for getting caught. The native Americans left us without another word.
“Will you get these ropes off me please”
I said looking down. I was too afraid to look into his eyes out of embarrassment.
“no, you’ve caused enough trouble. I should have charged double for this job for being such a pain in the ass already” He said through his teeth.
I looked up at him sharply and glared.
“Fuck you; you haven’t been exactly the best either!” I said hotly, squaring my shoulder.
He walked at me quickly, anger in his eyes. I backed up into a tree scared he was going to run me through. He put a hand to my face and forced me to look into his eyes.
“You don’t get it, do you. I don’t know where you come from, but it must be a helluva nicer place than here. The last thing I need is for you to fuck up my opportunity to make this business deal. You don’t understand how this world is. So, until you fully understand you will remain tied up and close to me until you get an idea of how things are around here.”
He pulled on the long end of my bindings and pulled me to a tree next to the fire and tied me to it like a dog.
“you’re an asshole”
He looked back at me with a smile
“You’ve got a foul mouth on you, don’t you?”
I looked at him with fury
“only because you are treating me like a fucking animal. Do you treat all women like this here? Like property?!”
I hated being treated like a slave.
“only when they insist on acting like an untrained dog and try to get themselves killed.”
He spat back at me.
“fuck you.” I finally said.
I sat down on the ground and stared at the firepit. I wasn’t really mad at him. I was mad at myself for not thinking about bringing any protection with me. I could have avoided this all together. He pulled out two rabbits from his bag and started to prepare them for dinner.
“thank you, for saving me.”
I finally said swallowing my pride. He looked surprised when I said it.
“Don’t mention it, but don’t think that will get you untied. I’m still pissed at you.”
I rolled my eyes.
“I was being sincere you idiot.”
He smiled and then I did.
If I was to survive, I needed to keep my head down, observe and learn. Better to make friends with the only one protecting me than be his prisoner. He pulled my bed roll over to me so that I could sit on it rather than the ground. Then handed me a cooked rabbit. I took it and started to eat it. It was gamey and bland, but I knew I needed food.
“Thank you”
I said after taking a couple of bites. He nodded at me.
“How did you come to be in the Carolinas? Aren’t the Cree from up north in Canada?”
He looked at me surprised that I knew that.
“I am down here to establish and expand my fur company. James Fraser is the key to doing that, so I agreed to do Lord John this favor in exchange for his recommendation.”
I nodded and was impressed.
“What is the name of your fur trade company?”
I was curious to see if I had ever heard of it.
“The Black Wolf Company is my share, but we have partnered with other companies and we are now called the Northwestern Company”
He looked proud.
“Well, I wish you all the luck with that. You do have some stiff competition with the Hudson Bay Company.”
His eyes darkened with I mentioned the HBC. I was concerned that I offended him as I was trying to gain his trust.
“The Hudson Bay Company will burn if it’s the last thing I do.”
He said murder in his eyes.
“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to offend you. I just know they are one of the more prominent fur trading companies in the new world.”
He softened his eyes
“It’s personal and they aren’t going to be around for much longer. We are taking the colonies by storm”
Obviously, it was very personal, I doubt that he felt this way over just fur.
“well, I give you my word that I won’t be any more trouble. I can at least do that since you saved my life.”
I saw that this deal was important to Declan and felt guilty for being so selfish. The last thing I wanted to do was mess up someone else life just so I could go back home. I could find my way back home later. Also, I didn’t even know if I could make it back home through the stone circle.
“what about you? What are you really doing here?”
Declan looked at me. It felt like his eyes were piercing my soul. I looked him straight in the eye.
“The truth is that I’m trying to get back to my home country after I deliver this message to Jamie Fraser.”
I technically didn’t tell him any lies. I just had secrets. He kept looking at me with that blank stare and kept silent. I stared back daring him to question me.
“I hear some truth, but you are still holding back. I’ll get it out of you before we part ways.” He said smugly.
He walked over and unsheathed a knife. My eyes widened
“What the fuck is wrong with you? I’m telling you the truth!” I exclaimed, I thought he was going to try and torture it out of me.
He grabbed my hands and then he cut the ropes around my wrists and grabbed my arm roughly; pulling me close to him. I exhaled the breath I was holding and rubbed my wrists. They tingled as the blood rushed back to them.
“I’m trusting you kiyôtêw. Don’t lie to me anymore unless you like to be tied up.” He said looking deep into my eyes.
“thank you. I promise, the truth from here on out. Goodnight” I seemed to be thanking him a lot. He nodded and let go of me. I laid down on my bedroll and closed my eyes trying to let go of any notion of going home and accepting my new reality and freedom.
“and away we go” I muttered to myself before I fell into a very welcomed sleep.

*************************************************************************************************************************************

I woke up the next morning. It was cold and I could feel condensation in my hair. Declan was already up and packing up everything. The blanket was heavy, and I realized that there was another fur blanket on top of me. Declan had put another blanket on me. I smiled but then quickly shook my head and got up. I went to my pack and took out a pair of pants. I put them on under my skirt and then laced them up. My back was turned to him and I started to unlace my skirts.
“what are you doing?”
He asked curiously, a little confused.
“I’m changing into something more practical,” I said plainly
“Don’t you think it’s a little cold to be au ‘natural?” I could tell he was amused.
I rolled my eyes and dropped my skirts and petticoat and revealed that I was wearing pants. I turned around and he shut his mouth and continued to pack. I took a new shirt and vest out and put the shirt over my old one and did another switch-a-roo.
“You know it’s not like, I haven’t seen a naked woman. Some women in the Cree tribes almost wear nothing in the hot summer sun you know.” He said coyly.
I looked back at him annoyance spread over my face.
“Doesn’t leave too much to the imagination does it?” I said reproachfully.
Declan was handsome. I understood why he may have seen many women naked, just not this one because I have dignity.
“What a player” I muttered to myself.
He smirked and turned back to what he was doing and went back to packing. After I had changed, I put the vest on and then the long jacket. I packed all the other things and then put them on my horse. I turned around and I nearly ran into Declan’s chest.
“yes?” I said startled as his towering body was so close to mine. He held up a belt with a knife sheathed in it.
“You’ll need something to use to protect yourself with if we are going to continue to travel together. Do you know how to use it?”
I looked at him baffled and took the belt from him.
“um…I know some basic self-defense but not with a knife.”
I looked up at him panicked a little at the notion that I would have to use this on someone to harm them.
“Just make sure the sharp end goes into something important and not you.”
He smiled, winked and then walked back to his horse. I chuckled a little put the belt on and then got on my horse and prayed that I wouldn’t have to use it.
We got on our horses and continued to Riverrun. The land was so lush, and green compared to the desert I was used to in the west. I loved it. The rolling hills and the crisp fall air. It was more than my heart could take. I felt so free, but I wondered how everyone was doing back home back in 2014, I had left a life, people that I cared about deeply. I suddenly felt a pang of sadness in my heart. Would I ever see them again? Could I get back to them? How would I explain my disappearance? Did I still have my job? I felt tears start to well up in my eyes and quickly blinked and wiped them away, but it was too late Declan had seen me.
“Are you alright kiyôtêw?”
He was clearly uncomfortable and didn’t know what to do in this situation.
“I’m fine. Just thinking about things, that I shouldn’t be thinking about.”
I replied hoping he wouldn’t probe further, and he didn’t. We kept on riding in silence and I took in the sights as much as I could. Too bad cameras weren’t invented by now, it was gorgeous.
“We will make camp at the back of the river ahead; I’ll charter a boat to take us the rest of the way. If we want to make it there in the next two days, we have to go by the river tomorrow.”
He said taking my attention away from the wild landscape.
When we got to the bank of the river, we set up camp. It was almost dusk and there was a bug hatch going on and you could see the fish jumping. Declan was in the river with a throwing knife in hand fishing. He had managed to catch one, it was of moderate size. I thought I had seen a fly rod in my pack, so I reached in and quickly assembled the rod. I pulled the line through the eyelets, then looked in a wood box and found hooks but nothing attached to them. Just random feathers and string. I quickly set to work on making a fly. I saw a lot of Blue wing olives so I made one of those the best I could without a vice. It looked ok I put some lard on it to make it float better. I tied the fly, to the line and made my way to the river. I started to cast and fell into a trance just casting the fly back and forth. Watching the fly dance over the water, teasing the fish out. It brought up a memory of when my father and I used to go fishing. On the river, just me and him floating and letting the water just take us. The exciting tug you would feel on the line right before setting the hook. Pulling the fish out temporarily, removing the hook and then letting it back out into the wild. I felt an actual tug on my rod and then snapped back to reality. I set the hook quickly and reeled the line back in. I grabbed the fish by the gills and removed the hook from its’ lip. I took it to a tree stump and took my knife and cut its’ head off. I began cleaning and gutting the fish. Declan looked surprised at how I knew what I was doing.
“Remind me not to get on your bad side kiyôtêw.”
I barely looked up at him as I was busy cutting the belly to get the guts out. I replied.
“Why is that?”
He laughed
“Looks like you know how to gut something pretty well.”
I smiled and kept working
“I used to go fishing with my father. He taught me how to do this. I’ve been cleaning my own fish for years now. But it’s not the same as gutting a human. I don’t’ think I couldn’t do this to a living person. My profession is saving lives, not taking them.”
He sat across from me with two more fish and set them on the tree trunk.
“When a man sets to take your life, you have to be ready to take his first. This is the world we live in, now, I don’t know where you come from but here you have to be ready or else you will not survive. Find whatever it is on you that you are willing to fight for and hold onto it. This is your new reality, you need to forget about your old life if you want to survive.”
I could see a coldness in his eyes, animal, deadly. He had killed before and many times. As a soldier and a warrior. I took the fish from him and cleaned them and gutted them. I put them on a spit and over the fire. We ate in silence. Then set up our respective beds around the fire and went to sleep. I awoke in the middle of the night to him grunting and moaning in his sleep. I turned over and saw that he was having night terrors. I walked over and shook his shoulder.
“Declan, wake up, you’re having a nightmare.”
I shook harder
“DECLAN,” I said more firmly and loudly.
All of a sudden, I was on my back with him on top of me with a knife to my throat. His eyes were wide and wild. I slowly put my hand on the knife and his face.
“Declan, it’s me, Jane. You just had a nightmare. It’s ok you can put down the knife.”
He slowly came to the realization of what was happening and slowly let go of the knife. I took it from his hand and set it to the side. I don’t know why I did it, but I ran my hand through his hair. It was a little oily and coarse, but I managed to get my hand through it. His eyes softened and looked deep into mine. My other hand mindlessly wandered to his chest. I felt his free hand find its’ way under my neck and snaked his fingers into my hair on the back of my head. I could feel his heart calm under my hand. It’s like we had a silent conversation just lying there looking in each other’s eyes. I blushed and then cleared my throat and broke my gaze.
“I’m sorry I startled you.”
He rolled off me and back onto his furs.
“Don’t worry about it. Force of habit.”
He said looking away from me.
“I’m ok thanks for asking.” I said jokingly
“you’re the one that startled me remember? What did you expect?” He said bemused.
I stood up, picked up the knife and held it out to him.
“here is your knife back.”
He looked up at me and took it from my hand. His fingers brushed mine for a moment and my heart skipped a little. I shook the notion from my head and went back to bed. I pretended to sleep but I was wide awake all night. I don’t’ think he slept much either.
Dawn came and we both got up and packed up silently. We followed the river until we found a dock and there was a boat and a man there wearing many furs. He looked like the classic mountain man. Big beard, big belly and a raccoon hat.
“Declan harp as I live and breathe.” Said the mountain man in a Scottish/southern American accent.
“John Quincey, it’s good to see you, old friend. Looks like the Americas have fared well for you.”
Declan said as he got off his horse and embraced John Quincy.
“Well, I dinna ken about faring well but I do love the Cherokee lassies and the Cherokee lassies love me.” He said with a great booming laugh.
Declan laughed. I found it interesting because I’d never heard him laugh like that before.
“Oos this then?” John Quincey looked me over “you got a new lass eh?”
Declan smiled but shook his head.
“No this is Jane Eyre; I’m escorting her to River run to give a message to Jamie Fraser from Lord John Grey.”
John Quincey looked me over curiously.
“Does she ken how to speak English.”
I looked at him annoyingly and spoke
“yes, she can, and I would very much appreciate it if you didn’t speak about me as if I were a dumb ass..”
John Quincey straightened up and bowed
“My apologies mistress, well this riverboat is captained by a friend and kens the way to river run. I’ll make tha introductions and you shall be on yer way.”
Declan looked pleased and grabbed another fur bundle from his horse and gave it to John Quincey.
“tell your Cherokee friends that the black wolf of the northwestern company is ready to and can trade furs to them from up north.”
John Quincey looked very impressed and gave some shillings to Declan.
“these will fetch a hefty price with the Cherokee down here.”
Declan smiled with the good news. John Quincey spoke to another man, who I assumed was the captain, and got us passage to River run. We loaded up the horses and all our things into the cabin. We were off. The river was calm and peaceful. I sat out on the deck for the day admiring the beauty. As nature intended it to be. I couldn’t help but doodle on some parchment. Declan came and sat across from me on the deck. I heart beat a little faster, but I didn’t look over I just kept drawing.
“What are you drawing?”
He asked curiously trying to look over my shoulder.
“The mountains, they remind me of my home.”
I said as calmly as I could. I turned the parchment towards him, and he looked approvingly.
“you’re an artist too? You seem to have a lot of different skills kiyôtêw.”
I laughed and resorted my favorite saying,
“jack of all trades but a master at none.”
He looked at me confused
“it’s a figure of speech” I said quickly
“I’ve never heard that, but I like it.” He said.
I smiled back and quickly turned back to my drawing as I felt myself blushing. We sat in silence until dusk, we both went into the cabin to eat the salted pork and bread that was left. This would be one of our last meals together as we would be arriving at Riverrun by morning. The boat was tied to a dock as we could not travel by night, can’t navigate if you can’t see right? It was silent and awkward, and I hated it. Declan cleared his throat.
“So, where will you go after you deliver your message to James Fraser?”
I looked up at him for the first time that night.
“I’m not sure. I can’t go home, at least I don’t think I can. Lord John said that Mrs. Fraser was a surgeon as well. I might be able to work with her and help her heal people.”
He looked disappointed.
“well at least you’ll be doing what you are good at. Probably make some good money from it.”
I smiled because that’s not the first time that I had heard that.
“I don’t do it for the money, I do it because I like to help people.”
He looked at me skeptically.
“Silver is the only thing that motivates people to do what they do.”
I looked at him more seriously.
“I’m not most people.”
I took a sip of wine staring into his eyes, so he knew I was speaking the truth.
“No, No, you are not, kiyôtêw.”
He replied staring back grinning, that shit-eating grin of his. I wanted to slap that grin right off his face. There was something in me that admired how wild he was. Not tamed. Free. It was electric and exciting, and attractive. I had never felt this before with another man. I drank more wine to calm my nerves I told myself not to fall for it. I was just lonely and didn’t know what I was doing.
The silence was interrupted by unexpected footsteps on the deck. Declan immediately took a knife out. He motioned me to be quiet it was irrelevant anyway the noises that I wanted to let out were caught in my throat and not coming out. My heart was racing. My sympathetic nervous system was kicking in and I could feel the epinephrine, norepinephrine and a little dopamine coursing through my blood. I backed up against the wall by the door to conceal myself. Declan did the same on the other side. The door was kicked opened and a grubby looking man with a gun came barreling in and Declan knocked the gun out of his hand and swiftly cut the robbers' throat. I felt a slight spray of warm blood on my shirt. Another robber came in behind Declan and out of instinct I kicked his knee in, he fell to his knee screaming and I grabbed his head and took my blade and shoved it into his brain stem, there was a little bit of resistance so I pushed harder until it was all the way at the hilt. Declan turned around and saw it all. I dropped the robber, hands shaking my blood pressure dropped, heart rate increased, and I started breathing heavily. I couldn’t believe I did that. Declan shoved me out of the way and another robber came in with a knife stabbed him in the shoulder. He grunted and then grabbed the man by the head and twisted his neck ferociously and with a grizzly crunch broke his neck and he dropped to the ground. Declan scooped me up and took me off the boat and onto the deck. He sat me on the edge of the dock so that my feet were dangling above the water. I just kept looking at my blood-soaked hands. The sound was muffled, I felt numb. Declan wrapped a fur blanket around me. Held me tight.
“Jane, JANE!”
He finally turned me towards him and slapped me. I was out of my trance and my fight or flight instincts came back and I started to hit him yelling and kicking. He pulled me onto his lap and managed to bear hug me, pinning my arms down. I couldn’t move and gave in. I started sobbing into his chest. I clung to his shirt for life and just wept into it.
“shhh, shhhhh, you had to. Stop crying. They would have killed us. It was us or them kiyôtêw”
He kept repeating it over and over until my breathing evened out. He finally let up so that I could breathe in the fresh air. I took in a huge breath in and out. I tried to rationalize it. The captain was killed and so was the conductor. Declan removed the bodies from the boat and set up a tent on the bank of the river away from the gruesome scene. I sat on the dock for what seemed like hours. He finally came back and walked me to the tent, guiding me by the hand as if I were blind. I laid down and he put the fur blanket over me. He went to leave, and I grabbed his arm. I didn’t want to be alone.
“Please, can you just hold me tonight?”
He looked at me and nodded. He laid next to me and I lifted his shirt up so I could put my head directly on his chest and he stiffened.
“Are you sure you want…”
I shushed him.
“I just want to listen to your heart. Please. I know it’s strange, but I need something normal to listen to.”
He looked confused but then relaxed and let me take his shirt off. I could hear his heart beating; it was fast at first but then slowed for a bit. It was exactly what I needed to hear. I closed my eyes and mapped his ECG out in my head. P wave, QRS complex, T wave. Repeat. I kept imagining this until I drifted off into sleep. I woke up to him stroking my hair looking concerned. I smiled at then realized that it was super bright out.
“God Declan, what time is it?”
My mind flashed back to me feeling the knife go through the robbers' first cervical vertebrae and into his foramen magnum. Fatally severing his spinal cord.
“Oh right,” I said as I rubbed my eyes. He looked at me with not pity it was understanding.
“I remember my first time taking a life. It haunts me to this day. I’m sorry you had to, but you did save my life. Thank you for that.”
I smiled. I knew he was just trying to be reassuring but it still felt wrong. I then noticed the dried pool of dried blood on the left side of his shirt. I got up quickly and lifted up his shirt and came face to face with the gaping wound in his left shoulder.
“Declan your hurt! Let me take a look and make sure it’s not too serious.”
I immediately went into doctor mode and inspected it. The bleeding had stopped on its own but that didn’t mean there wasn’t more internally or worse; nerve damage. To my relief, there wasn’t any bruising and he had full function of his hand and arm. I cleaned the wound with the whiskey we had to prevent any infection and the edges of the wound were well approximated, but I still took some fishing line and needle and put a couple of stitches in it just in case. I took one of my petty coats and made bandages and a sling out of it. This would have to do until we got to Riverrun. Declan looked at me surprised at how calm I now was.
“I don’t suppose you know how to steer a boat?”
I smiled and said, “I do but I don’t know where the hell I’m going.”
He looked relieved
“I talked to the captain and he said the river goes right past it. So, it shouldn’t be too hard to find. It’s a huge plantation and we shouldn’t miss it.”
I looked at him nervously and nodded. There was no way we could go overland. We didn’t have enough food and if we encountered any more danger Declan was out for a while with the injury.
“ok I’ll get us there,” I said as confidently as I could. I packed up camp as quickly as I could and then we were off, and I prayed that the river would be calm for the rest of the way.

Chapter Text

I slowly rocked the rudder back and forth the water was calm and slow. I was grateful after the night we had, had. The sound of the water and the repetitive motions, my mind was clear. We rounded a big bend and a plantation-style house came into view I smiled. It was very extravagant. I wasn’t expecting a mansion but then I saw the hundreds of slaves working the fields and my heart sank. Declan saw my face and looked concerned.
“what’s wrong? We made it.”
I looked down at him and smiled again.
“I am happy, I just don’t agree with slavery.”
He was surprised by this claim
“I don’t either kiyôtêw.”
I smiled and steered towards the dock. A large African American man was walking towards the dock and waited at the end of it for us. We unloaded our packs and walked to meet the head slave I guessed. As we got closer, I unconsciously grabbed Declan’s hand. He looked down briefly and squeezed back. I was nervous and waiting for something bad to happen.
“Welcome to Riverrun. I am Ulysses, please state your business and I will inform the Lady Jocasta Cameron of your arrival and intent.”
I relaxed and let go of his hand.
“I am Jane Eyre, I’m here to deliver a message to James Fraser and his wife Claire Fraser from Lord John Grey. This is my escort and guide, Declan Harp of the northwestern company.”
Ulysses looked relieved, I don’t’ think he was expecting us to arrive as we looked like a very unlikely pairing.
“Ah, yes we received word that you would be arriving at Riverrun. Please come with me and I shall announce your arrival. I will send help to get your things and take them to your rooms.”
As we walked up the path, I saw a bright red-headed girl in her early 20’s. She had an infant in arms. I looked and smiled at her. She looked at us questioningly. I guess everyone was paranoid at this time. We walked in through the doors and she followed. We were led to a parlor where there was an elderly woman seated, another elderly man seated next to her, a middle-aged man who was clearly the girl’s father except his hair was fading to a light copper, skin tan and aged from working outside. Next to him a middle-aged woman with fair skin, dark hair with a streak of silver. Everyone stood as we entered and then Ulysses spoke.
“May I present Jane Eyre and Declan Harp. They said that they have a message for Mister and misses Fraser from Lord John Grey.”
James Fraser relaxed and spoke.
“I am James Fraser, but you may call me Jamie, this is my wife Claire and my Aunt Jocasta Mackenzie Cameron Innes, Lady of the house and mah godfather, Murtagh Fitzgibbons Fraser. Behind you is mah daughter Brianna Fraser and the wee lad in her arms is mah grandson Jerimiah or Jemmy. You ken Lord John Grey?”
I nodded hello to everyone and then went into my jacket pocket for the sealed envelope. I pulled it out and handed it to him promptly. Jamie took it and opened it immediately.
“It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintances. I was lucky enough to be assisted by Lord Grey when I was lost and separated from my mistress in the wilderness.”
I said looking around at everyone. Brianna had made her way next to her mother Claire with the child. They both looked at me suspiciously. Declan remained silent.
“It looks like you have your arm in a sling there, Mister Harp. I’m a surgeon may I take a look at it?”
Claire motioned for him to sit in a chair and he did. She moved the collar of this shirt to the side revealing the sutured wound. she stood back a little shocked after seeing them.
“May I ask who gave you these sutures mister harp?”
Declan looked over at me
“she did. She’s a doctor.”
Everyone’s eyes were on me all of a sudden and my cheeks flushed.
“you’re a doctor?”
Claire said as if it were impossible for me to be one.
“I am,” I said confused by her surprise.
She went back to examining the sutures and his shoulder.
“These were done very well, and it looks like it was cleaned out well so there won’t be any infection. I’m wondering if…”
I interrupted her
“He has full function of the arm, forearm, and hand. None of the nerves in the brachial plexus were cut. Also, none of the arteries or veins were cut. I checked. He will also require fresh bandages.”
I didn’t like having my work questioned. It’s not like I didn’t get this enough as a woman in medicine but from her, I was a little peeved.
She looked back at me as if I had slapped her then quickly recovered and she smiled and then nodded back and sat down. Declan pulled his shirt straight and his arm back in a sling.
“Jamie, what does the letter say?” Claire asked her husband.
“Nothing to worry about Sassenach, just a wee bit o’ news from Lord John about the regulators and his lordships plans for them. How did yah come to have such a wound mister Harp?”
Jamie looked concerned
“We were ambushed by some robbers on our way here and one of them managed to get me with his knife.”
Declan replied. The tension was evident. Neither party trusted each other. Jocasta cut in finally breaking the silence.
“Oh, it is nearly supper time, yes? Ulysses, please set two more places for Miss Eyre and Mister Harp. You two must be tired and looking to rest before then. Phaedra, be a dear and take Miss Eyre wi ya and get her cleaned up and into some clean clothes will ye? Ulysses will take Mister Harp to his room and fetch him some fresh bandages for his wound please.”
Ulysses nodded silently and Declan and I made our way out of the parlor. I felt exposed without Declan but knew that I couldn’t refuse lady Cameron, or I would surely offend her. I went with Phaedra and Declan with Ulysses. We looked at each other before going into our separate rooms. He nodded and I smiled back and went into my room.
It was so dated. It looked like a B&B from my time except that there was no electricity and running water. I heard a knock at the door. It was Jocasta and Phaedra. I let them in. Phaedra led her in by the hand and sat her down by the fireplace in my room.
“Please forgive the intrusion. My sight has long gone an left me and I wanted to ken what you looked like without everyone gawking at ye. Phaedra describe her to meh”
Jocasta smiled. Phaedra looked me over.
“Mistress Jane be a small lass, wi long dark hair, black as the night and skin like an olive tree. She looks like a china woman, but her eyes be a bit rounder and larger but still a dark brown. She is a bonny lass and looks strong of mind and body.”
I held my tongue as I felt like I was being auctioned off like a piece of meat. I reminded myself that in this time women were regarded as property.
“Aye, that is what I had in my mind o’ her when I firs heard her voice. Phaedra, please find a dress for Mistress Jane for supper. I’ll take my leave now and prepare myself.”
Jocasta took her cane and Phaedra her other hand and guided her out. Ulysses was outside waiting for her.
I managed to get a bath in before Phaedra came back but remained in my towel on the bed. She knocked and walked in with a dark blue dress of silk with silver floral embroidery. It was very extravagant.
“Mistress you will be the topic o’ conversation tonigh’ in this dress. Please undress and I’ll help ye.”
I hesitated. I didn’t know if Phaedra would react the same way as Annie.
“Phaedra, if you help me promise me you won’t scream.”
I looked seriously at her, she looked back at me confused.
“Why mistress, why would I scream? Are ye deformed? Is there something wrong wi yah?”
She asked concerned.
“No, I’m, uhhh, marked, my skin is eerr, marked with colors and patterns. It is a long-standing tradition with my people.”
I said convincingly. She had a very serious look on her face but then steeled herself.
“I will not make a sound mistress, ya have my werd.”
I dropped the towel and as it fell to the floor, she put her hands up to her mouth and then quickly waved a cross in front of her. I looked back at her and she looked shocked but then righted herself.
“well at least it’ll all be covered.”
I smiled and let her help me with the shift, stockings, and corset. I could hardly breathe after everything was on and my god was it heavy. I insisted that I wear my boots instead of those ridiculous things that they called shoes. It was the only thing I could get Phaedra to yield on. I looked in the mirror and felt stupid, but I put my best face on and walked out. As I made my way down the stairs, I saw Declan waiting for me in the foyer. His hair was slicked back, and he had on a clean white shirt, dark red velvet vest with gold buttons and dark red pants to match. He looked up and grinned. I smiled shyly back.
“You look uh, nice.”
Declan said trying not to laugh.
“I know you don’t’ mean that. I look like a fucking dandy; I’d much rather be in my britches and eating around a fire.”
I whispered back.
“I wasn’t going to say it, but I’d prefer you in your britches as well.”
He smiled back at me and we walked to the dining room. As we entered everyone was already seated. We sat at the opposite end of the table of Mistress Cameron next to her great-niece and Claire.
“Miss Jane Eyre, that is a peculiar name. How did you come by it?”
Claire said all of a sudden. I looked up and smiled. I knew what she was doing, she was interrogating me.
“It’s a given name by my mistress; my real name is hard to pronounce in the English tongue. So, she saw it fit to give me an English name.”
Claire smiled hollowly.
“Where did you learn how to be a doctor?”
I smiled back and had my answer already.
“I studied under a Surgeon in London, my master, Edward Jenner.”
Claire was taken aback a bit. She clearly knew who he was.
“How did you come to be in the Americas?”
Brianna suddenly chimed in. I was getting tired of this and regaled the same tale I told Lord John Grey.
“Sounds like you have had an arduous journey Mistress Eyre.”
Jamie said after I had finished. They all seemed to be convinced and the tension in the room died down just a bit. Declan looked at me somewhat impressed but knew I wasn’t telling the full truth.
“yes, it’s been quite long but I’m happy to be here.”
Jamie and Murtaugh looked at Declan and then Jamie spoke.
“Mister Harp, shall we retire to tha parlor and discuss some business over some whiskay? Or will you be wanting to get some rest for your journey home?”
I looked up at Declan and our eyes met. I knew that our time together was finite and would eventually come to an end, I just didn’t realize it was so soon.
“I am eager to get home, but I am more interested in seeing if you will accept the offer that I have for you.”
Declan replied holding my gaze.
“You shouldn’t leave so soon; your shoulder won’t be able to heal right if you are traveling. You should stay a couple of days at least.”
I chimed in looking at my food. I looked up briefly at Declan and he was smiling at me. I smiled back quickly and looked back down at my food. Everyone looked around at each other having silent conversations about us.
“O-course, you all are welcome tah stay as long as yah need to be at your best bafor you go on a long journey home.”
Jocasta interrupted again. She seemed to be the only one willing to not make the whole stay weird. The men excused themselves and we women retired to another room except for Jocasta and I was left with Claire and Brianna and Jemmy. I sat and sipped my tea avoiding eye contact with them. The silence was awkward.
“what do you plan on doing now that you have delivered Lord John's message?”
Claire asked curiously. I looked over and replied
“well I was hoping that I could work with you. I just wasn’t sure when to ask. I can’t go back to my mistress I’m sure she’s already found help to replace me.”
I looked down ashamed, I’ve never had to beg for work before. Claire thought about this for a while.
“I could use another pair of hands. Brianna has Jemmy now and is rather squeamish with blood, but don’t expect it to be easy work. I run a tight ship.”
My eyes lit up. I was ecstatic to just be practicing medicine again.
“Thank you. I promise I will do my part.”
Claire smiled back but Brianna looked skeptical still. I heard the men come out of the parlor and I stood up and went to the foyer. I was excited to see Declan. He came out but it looked as if the business did not go well. His face was grim and so was Jamie’s. Claire and I exchanged looks and she went to Jamie and I went upstairs to Declan. I knocked and opened his door.
“Is everything alright?” I asked uneasily.
I walked in and closed the door behind me.
“it’s just business. I have a…reputation and Jamie says that I will bring danger and harm to his family. He’s not wrong but without this relationship, I won’t be able to take the south.”
Declan looked guilty.
“danger? How? Over furs?” I was confused.
“This is a British colony. So only HBC furs can be sold here. I’m asking them to take on this risk. I was hoping Jamie’s hatred for the red coats would sway him to do business with me.”
I understood.
“maybe if you can show him that you can trade with him safely, he will change his mind?”
I suggested hopefully. Declan smiled and shook his head.
“I’m a dangerous man, kiyôtêw, I understand why Jamie is being cautious. I think I will have to show him what we are working with, I will have to leave back to the north to the lake walkers to get some furs and bring them back with me.”
My face fell. His did too. He touched my face and I looked up into his eyes.
“I will come back; my word is good kiyôtêw. I will not let any harm come to you so you must stay.”
I smiled at the nickname he had been calling me these past days. I was going to miss it.
“I know you’ll be back. I just wish you weren’t leaving in the next few days.”
I put my hand up to his and pressed my cheek into his palm. It was warm and his skin smelled so good. He pulled his hand away and I opened my eyes shocked. He walked over to the window and was looking out of it.
“what’s wrong?” I asked a little hurt and confused.
He faced away from me and I felt my heart sink.
“I don’t want to hurt you kiyôtêw. I have a past that is complicated and bloody. Getting involved with me is dangerous. Everyone I care about ends up hurt somehow, either by my hand or my enemies.”
I felt the anger rise up in me, but I took a deep breath and calmed down; I knew he was trying to push me away.
“Wouldn’t the safest place for me to be, be with you? I want to go with you. Tell me, help me understand why I can’t? I don’t trust these people.”
He looked over his shoulder at me.
“you don’t want to know that part of me.”
He said menacingly.
“I want to know everything about you.”
I said walking towards him I put my hand on his back and he whipped around and grabbed my hand and pulled me close so that our faces were almost touching. I could feel the breath coming out of his nostrils as he looked deep into my eyes.
“be careful of what you wish for kiyôtêw. You may find yourself face to face with a wolf and not a man.”
There was a rage in his eyes, but I didn’t back down. I knew he was trying to scare me away. I softened my face and put my free hand on his face.
“Why do you think I would treat a wolf differently from a man?”
He looked surprised and let my hand go. I was exhausted from everything today, so I turned and walked out of the room, back into my own. I undressed and slipped into bed and drifted off into sleep hoping that tomorrow would go better.

I woke up early the next morning refreshed. The sun had not yet crested over the mountain tops. I decided to go for a walk and clear my head. I put on my clothes and belt with a knife and walked out of my room coat in hand. I almost ran into Phaedra and clutched my chest out of fright.
“Christ Phaedra. You scared me.”
I had dropped my coat out of surprise.
“I’m so sorry mistress Jane, I was coming in tah deliver water tah clean wi and empty yer chamber pot.”
I composed myself and picked my jacket up.
“thank you but that won’t be necessary I much prefer the privy to chamber pots. Also, if anyone asks, I’m going out for a walk this morning.”
Phaedra nodded at me and I walked down the stairs and out the door. I put my coat on and enjoyed how crisp and cold it was. I wandered the grounds and the slaves that were up were staring at me. I don’t think they had seen an Asian person before. Or they probably thought I was Native American. I found my way to a large oak tree and there so happened to be a bench. I sat down and looked out at the house and plantation.
“what am I doing?”
I said aloud to myself. Was I really developing feelings for someone that in my time was dead? What the hell was I thinking? I cannot do this. I have to put my feelings aside. I pulled my knees up to my chest, folded my arms over them and put my head down. I felt so conflicted. I knew there was a connection I could feel it, but my brain did not want to accept it. I didn’t know what to do about it. I heard someone approaching I grabbed my knife and threw it in the direction that the sounds came from. Declan stepped back and out of the way and the dagger pathetically hit the tree and fell to the ground. He looked mildly shocked but then grinned at me.
“Shit, I knew you were angry with me, but I didn’t know it was so that bad.”
I didn’t say anything to him. I sat back down on the bench with my back turned to him. He came and sat next to me.
“what can I help you with?”
I finally responded. Struggling not to leap up and hug him and apologize.
“I’m sorry if I hurt you last night, but it’s better this way.”
I looked at him and scowled.
“that’s not the reason and you know that. You’re just afraid to let anyone in.”
He smirked and shook his head
“look who is talking”
I turned my head quickly
“You wouldn’t understand if I told you what I know. I want to tell you, I want to be honest, but you would think I was crazy. It’s not fair because the situations are different. If you want to know I’ll tell you.” I pleaded. I didn’t feel safe staying here alone with the Frasers.
His gaze softened
“kiyôtêw, Jane, I can’t deny that I want you to come with me, but it’s dangerous.”
He laid his hand on mine and squeezed. I finally met his gaze and I could see the tenderness in his eyes. It made me blush and made me think that he might have feelings for me too.
“I want the truth Declan; I can handle it. Like I said I’ll tell you mine. I want you to trust me.”
He looked out and was thinking. We were interrupted by Brianna and her son walking over.
“Good morning, what are you two doing out so early?”
We quickly released from each other and I looked over and smiled at her.
“just taking in some morning air. Chatting about mister Harp’s future travel plans.” I said bitterly avoiding eye contact with him.
Brianna looked at us and then saw the dagger in the tree.
“must have been a very spirited chat.”
Declan grinned at me and responded,
“yeah, very spirited.”
I couldn’t help but grin as well.
“Well breakfast is going to be served soon and I’m sure my dah and Great Godfather would like to continue their conversation with you mister harp.”
Brianna said while still looking very suspiciously at the dagger.
“well we must not keep them waiting”
I quipped in quickly. I got up retrieved my knife from the tree and started walking towards the house with Declan by my side. He stopped me before entering the house.
“kiyôtêw, just give me some time and I promise you that I will tell you the truth I just need a little more time to get this deal with Jamie.”
I nodded and went inside to the dining room. Claire and Jamie were seated with Jocasta. Declan and I sat across from each other and Brianna walked in shortly after us with Jemmy.
“How was your morning walk miss Jane?”
Claire asked.
“It was nice it is very peaceful out here.”
Brianna looked up
“tell that to the oak tree.”
She muttered under hear breath.
I looked over at Brianna then to Declan. He was smiling and laughed under his breath.
“Something tha matter?”
Jamie said noticing our silent conversation.
“no, just an inside joke.”
Jamie looked confused but Claire and Brianna looked at each other.
“what a strange expression. Where did you hear that?” Claire asked.
“Just something my master used to say,” I replied looking down at my food.
“Mister Declan are you ready to go to tha stables wi me today?” Jamie followed quickly noticing the tension
“yup, let’s go get that stallion.” Declan replied shoving more food in his mouth as he got up.
“Ladies” Jamie said as he got up and bowed shortly. Declan followed suit and left with Jamie. I giggled a little as I had never seen Declan be so formal. He gave me a swift smile noticing me giggle and then he was gone with Jamie.
“Jane you’ll come with me and Brianna to help me collect herbs and tend to some patients today.” Claire looked excited to finally get me alone.
We ate the rest of our breakfast and Claire, and I walked out into the garden while Brianna went to feed and change Jemmy. The garden wasn’t far from the main house and it was full and beautiful to be quite honest, herb gardens were not common back home.
“this one is Yarrow it’s used to stop bleeding. Then there is Calendula, good for skin rash, over there is Valerian…” She was pointing and telling me
“it’s good for sleep and muscle spasms and that over there is horehound or nettles, good for sore throats and coughing. If you guys can get it, I think some ginseng and echinacea would be helpful as well.” I chimed in.
Claire looked at me and I didn’t know if she was impressed or if she didn’t understand what I meant.
“you know, now that I have you alone, I’ve been meaning to ask you something…” she trailed off.
“yes?” I said hoping to get her to speak more quickly. There was nothing more irritating than someone beating around the bush.
“You’re not from this time are you.” She looked at me hopefully.
My mouth dropped. How did she know? Is she from another time as well?
“how? Are you? Is this a joke?” I stammered out reaching for my knife.
“Calm down, I’m not going to hurt you, I know there is another stone circle here and I figured we would run into another traveler at some point. I just didn’t realize it would be so soon. The box sutures technique has not been invented yet and also your phrasing of certain things also gave you away.” She said reassuringly dropping her herb shears.
I took my hand off my knife and dropped to my knees finally feeling like I wasn’t going crazy anymore. I had someone to relate to.
“who knows about you? Like everything?” I asked quickly.
“Everyone except for Jocasta and her slaves. You are among friends. I assure you.” She knelt down and put an arm around my shoulder.
I melted into her arms and started to cry into her shoulder, and she held me. Brianna ran overlooking scared as if something had happened.
“what is going on? Why is Jane crying?” Brianna asked urgently
“Our suspicions about Jane were right, she’s from the future Bree. She is like us.” Clair said looking up at Brianna.
Brianna smiled and hugged me fiercely.
“it’s nice to finally have someone my age to speak to.”
I felt so comforted to be able to share my secret. I wondered if this is how I would feel when I told Declan. That was the deal. I would have to tell him to know more about him.
“How are the rest of the 1970s? is there anything new?” Brianna said hurriedly.
I looked at her confused. That’s not when I was from. How are we all from different times?
“I’m sorry that’s not when I came from…”
They both looked concerned.
“what time are you from then?” Claire asked with some fear in her eyes
“I’m from the year 2019. I was born in 1994. What time are you guys from?” I asked as their eyes turned to saucers.
“Brianna and I are from 1969.” Claire replied shakily.
I felt my heart drop into my stomach. I felt like I was going to puke but then started to take deep breaths and nausea resolved itself.
“How long have you guys been here? And how do you know about traveling through the stones?” I asked hopeful for answers to get back to my time.
Claire stopped and then looked at Brianna then suggested. “let’s go to the house it’s a long story and I’d rather like a cup of tea right about now.”
I nodded and we gathered ourselves and walked back to the house. There Claire told me everything. How she came through stones in Scotland and then went back to her time. Had Brianna and then came back after finding out Jamie was still alive 20 years later. Her adventures in the Caribbean and how there was a portal there. Then Brianna came through in Scotland as well and then came over by ship. How Claire and Jamie had just gotten back from the north and their dealings with the mohawk and Roger. It was all very overwhelming, but I was just happy to have people to help me possibly get home. Declan flashed in my mind and then there was pain in my heart. If Jamie could understand, maybe Declan could too? There was hope but at the same time staying here would mean fighting for survival every day. Giving up a lot.
“Do you think that since Jamie understood that Declan would too?” I asked hopefully to Claire.
“You have to understand Jamie and I were already married and were in love. Can you say the same for yourself?” Claire looked sympathetically
“I have to try, if he doesn’t, I can just go back to my time. I just need a gemstone, Right?” I said back worriedly.
“It’s not that simple. We don’t have traveling down to a science yet. You could end up somewhere else if you left. It’s better if you take your time and think about this before rushing into it.” Claire said pleadingly.
“I should have a decision soon. I’m going to tell Declan everything. If I can’t go back can I stay with you guys?” I was unsure if they would let me, but it was worth a try.
Claire and Brianna looked at each other with a smile.
“Of course, you can stay with us. Knowing what we know now we can’t just let you fend for yourself. I mean you’ll have to earn your keep, but I would love the help with my clinic. Also, I’m sure there have been a lot of advances in medicine that I would love to learn about.” Claire said reassuringly.
“thank you, I’m grateful, I’ll not be a burden, I promise,” I said happily.
Finally feeling caught up on everything we made our way back out to the garden and made our rounds. I told Claire about medical school and Brianna asked questions about technological advances and any historical events that had transpired. They were so curious, and I didn’t blame them I was 50 years in the future for them. They didn’t even know what the internet was. Even though I knew about the future there were things that I didn’t know about the past that they filled me in on.
While walking to check on a slave that had been kicked in the side by a horse, I saw Declan and Jamie working with the stallion. It was running around bucking and kicking in the air. I saw Declan finally got the horse to settle down and locked eyes with the horse and walk up to it slowly and whispering things in Cree to the horse. Jamie sat back and looked curiously. Declan finally got close enough to where he was able to put his head against the horses and stroke the horse's face lovingly all the while slipping a bit into its mouth and buckling the bridle to its face. So tender yet so fierce at the same time. It was exhilarating. Declan handed the bridle to Jamie who looked impressed.
The sun was beginning to set, and we made our way back to the house and had dinner. The next few days were more or less the same. Jamie and Declan would go out and assist with the plantation needs and Claire, Brianna and I would go out and do rounds or take care of Jerimiah. The days flew by and Declan and I would take morning walks and chat and he would teach me how to throw a knife properly. Learning more about the personality of the other. Flirting.
All of a sudden Declan’s shoulder was healed and he was going to be leaving the next morning. Dinner was grim and I didn’t help the mood. After-dinner drinks, I went up to my room to wash and when I entered my room Declan was waiting for me.
“Christ! Declan you nearly scared me to death.” I said as I clutched my chest waiting for the transient tachycardia to subside. Phaedra was walking down the hall with a pitcher of water.
“mistress I have some warm water for you to wash wi, shall I bring it in?” she smiled brightly.
“no, thank you, I’ll take it, thank you Phaedra.” I quickly grabbed the pitcher from her and shut the door behind me before she couldn’t see Declan in my room. The scandal if she were to see. I began to chuckle to myself. This place was already influencing me in some ways. I walked over to the washbasin and poured some water in it. To my pleasure it was hot.
“I think I like seeing you with dirt all over you,” Declan said as I soaked the washcloth in the warm water and wrung it out.
“well if you weren’t so dammed intent on leaving me behind, you’d probably see more of it,” I said over my shoulder to him sarcastically.
I pulled my hair out of the bun that I had and shook it out. Then shrugged off my jacket and threw it on a chair. I loosened my shirt and rolled up my sleeves. He walked over behind me as I was washing my hands and then slowly took the washcloth from my hands and pulled my hair to the side exposing my neck and gently rubbing the damp cloth against it. I felt a drop of water run down my neck and down between my breasts. I gasped and I had goosebumps and felt my face flush. He smiled when he saw my reaction, he kissed my neck following the trail of water and I closed my eyes giving into this touch. His lips and tongue chasing it hungrily. A moan escaped my lips and I bit my lip for fear of others hearing me. His hands turned me around to face him and he kissed me fiercely and I kissed him back. I grasped onto the collar of his jacket and forced it off. We stumbled over to my bed and I managed to get his belt off and untucked his shirt. We finally fell onto the bed. He was on top of me and I could feel him hard against me and I raised my hips against him, and he groaned. I felt warmth rage between my legs as his hands wandered my body like a blind man expertly reading braille. I wanted him so badly, but I put my hands on his chest and pushed him away for a second, I had to tell him something.
“Stop. Wait. I have to tell you something” I said breathlessly through his kisses.
He stopped and looked worried.
“What’s wrong? Am I hurting you?” He looked worried for a moment.
“No, it’s not that. It’s just that, I’ve never been with a man” I said looking away embarrassed that at 25 I was still a virgin.
He looked stunned, then smiled. He then put his forehead to mine and kissed me gently. He sat up on the bed with his back to the headboard. I followed suit adjusting my shirt to sit correctly. Things were awkward now and I didn’t know what to say. I folded my hands over my chest and exhaled.
“You sure don’t kiss like a virgin.” He smirked.
“well, I didn’t say that I was a saint,” I said smiling back.
“I’m glad you told me, but I don’t want to be the man that takes your virginity then leaves you.”
It hurt to hear but I respected it.
“I understand, will you at least just hold me tonight since I won’t be seeing you for a while?” I pleaded.
I felt pathetic but I didn’t want to waste any time with him. He sat up and kicked off his boots. I did the same. I had my back to him and loosened the laces on my pants and pulled them off. My shirt was long enough to cover me to the middle of my thighs and when I turned around, he was stark naked. My eyes widened to the size of saucers and I could feel the blood rushing to my face. He was an exquisite man. I had seen many naked men as a doctor, but he was the first one that ever made me feel like this. I composed myself and cleared my throat, but he knew that I was clearly aroused by the sight of him.
“I can put my shirt back on if that will help you feel more comfortable.” He said coyly and raising an eyebrow.
“Nope, I’m ok.” I managed to squeak out trying to avoid looking at his cock.
I pulled back the covers and sat on the edge of the bed with my back to him still. I looked over and he was already lying in bed waiting for me. I turned back, took a deep breath and pulled my shirt over my head. The cold air hit my breasts and my nipples hardened. I crossed my arms over them with my hands resting on the tops of my shoulders. I heard him sit up and then felt his hand trace the tattoos on my back then my arms.
“You have tattoos…” he said surprised.
“Do you think they are ugly?” I said looking over my shoulder at him.
He shook his head.
“no, kiyôtêw, they tell your story and they’re beautiful.” He said with all sincerity.
I felt relieved, finally someone who wasn’t scared of them at first sight. It gave me hope. Maybe he would understand when I told him the truth.
“Declan?” I said finally lying next to him
“hmm?” He grunted still tracing a finger around the colors and patterns on my arm.
“will you tell me your story please?” I asked looking up at him.
He stopped tracing his finger and inhaled deeply.
“Yes, kiyôtêw, I’m ready.”
I laid my head on his shoulder and one leg over his and my body pressed against his side. I laid my arm on his chest and ran my fingers over the scars on his torso. He began telling me about how his mother and father. How a man named lord Archibald Benton took him and got him a job with the HBC and how he rose through the ranks. Then he fell in love with a native American woman. Was married and had a son. Then they were both tortured and killed by Benton. How he plotted his revenge and how revenge consumed him. How he butchered redcoats and lost and gained friends because of his revenge. Then he told me about another woman he loved named Grace Emberly and how Benton used her to get him to go to Scotland and that is where he finally killed Benton. Now he’s wanted by Lord Fisher and how the northwestern company is going to rise up against the HBC and destroy them. I could sense that he was still filled with revenge but at the same time wanted to help him get justice. Not just for him but for all the people that the HBC had harmed.
“I have blood on my hands and will spill much more blood with them. That is why I can’t let you get too close. I tried with Grace and it got so bad that we cannot repair what we once had. I don’t want that to happen with you.” Declan looked guilty and was stroking my hair.
“I understand that you have a past. But everyone does. You can’t let your past dictate how you live the rest of your life. I can’t tell you what to do. You have to make the choice for yourself. I want to be with you. That is my choice, whatever harm comes to me because of that choice is my responsibility.” I wanted him to change his mind. I wanted to be with him always because I felt safe with him.
“kiyôtêw, don’t you see how dangerous it is? I need to go on my own this time. I will be back in a couple of months. Please just wait for me.” He kissed me “please?” he touched the side of my face with his hand.
I nodded wordlessly.
“I guess it’s my turn to tell you the truth. It’s only fair, but you have to promise to wait till the end. There’s going to be a lot that you may not understand, and it is going to be overwhelming but just bear with me, ok?” I said with worry filling my heart.
He nodded wordlessly.
“Declan, I’m not from this time. I’m from the year 2019.” He looked confused as I had just spoken gibberish. He went to say something and then shut his mouth. I told him when and where I was born and how I grew up. I tried my best to simplify things for him to understand when it came to technology. I told him I went to medical school and that I was really a doctor and performed surgeries all the time. I also told him that is why I was a virgin. I put my job before everything else so that I could be successful. I told him about each tattoo I had and why I got it. I finally finished with how I ended up here. I didn’t mention Claire, Jamie or Brianna as it wasn’t my place to tell their truth.
“You probably think I’m crazy, but I promise you that it’s the truth,” I said looking into his eyes.
I was looking for any sort of reaction or a flood of questions or for him to start getting dressed and leave me forever, but instead, he kissed me.
“I believe you kiyôtêw and thank you for sharing your story with me, but I know that something bigger than us has brought us together for a reason and I can’t deny it. I knew it from the moment I saw you. I have much to thank you for because of you Jamie has agreed to look at what I can bring to trade, and it will be faster if I can go alone and bring back my partners. Please wait for me and I promise that I will come back to you.” He held my hands and then put one on his chest.
“Declan, I’ve traveled over 200 years in the past for you, I will always wait for you.” The tears welled up in my eyes and he smiled and brushed them away.
“don’t cry.” He kissed me hard and I pulled him on top of me.
I felt one of his hands roam my naked body from my breasts to my stomach, my hips and then in between my thighs. I gasped when he touched the slick wet folds between my legs and then to that small bump of flesh that sent shockwaves of pleasure over my body. I spread my legs apart further and bucked my hips towards his fingers. My body ached for him. He broke the kiss.
“are you sure you want to do this?” He looked deeply into my eyes like he was looking into my soul.
“Declan, yes, please, I need you.” I pleaded breathlessly.
He kissed me again and then worked his way down my neck, one hand on one of my breasts, then I felt his mouth on my nipple and I inhaled sharply through my teeth and he lightly bit and ran his tongue over it. He moved on to the other and gave it the same treatment. When satisfied he looked up and I looked down at him and he slid down further, and his mouth was on me and I arched my back feeling his mouth and tongue lick and suck the outside structures of my female anatomy. Out of instinct, I started to gyrate my hips into his face. I bit my lip in hopes of stifling my moans. My hands were tangled in his hair pulling him closer to me and I could feel his beard and tickling my thighs. I felt an intense heat building deep inside of me.
“Declan…” I said breathlessly “Oh God, Declan…I’m going to…oh fuck, I think I’m going to…yesss!!” I couldn’t hold back.
“let go kiyôtêw, I want to taste you fully,” He said briefly before returning to his work.
I felt the heat rage through my body, and I felt myself convulse and achieve sweet release. I fell back on the bed, breathless and a little sweaty. He came back up and kissed me. I could taste myself on his lips, but I didn’t find it repulsing it was erotic and I kissed him back harder. He was between my legs now and I hooked both legs around his muscular thighs. He looked into my eyes.
“are you ready?” he said. I could sense his desire for me and it was so hot.
I could feel the head of his erection pulsing against my entrance. I nodded and with one hand on my thigh and the other behind my neck he entered me. I could feel the small bit of flesh resist and then with a thrust of his hips he tore through it and he filled me, and I felt my walls stretch to his girth. I inhaled sharply through my teeth and grabbed onto him tightly and wrapped my legs around his waist, drawing him in closer to me. He groaned and closed his eyes as I pulled him closer in. We stayed that way for a bit the dull pain subsided quickly. It was oddly pleasurable, I thought. I looked up at him and he looked back, and I loosened my legs around his hips allowing him to have more range. He understood and started pulling out. It felt deliciously good when he pulled out a little. He thrust back in and I could feel myself clench around him when he did. My hips meeting his every time he thrust. It was like my body knew what to do automatically. His cock slid effortlessly in and out of me. I was drenched with sex and a bit of blood. I felt the same heat and pressure building up as before. He knew it too.
“Hold on just a little longer for me kiyôtêw.” He whispered breathlessly in my ear.
I nodded. His mouth found my nipples again and I gasped. I let out a deep moan as he lightly bit them, each time sending shockwaves through my body. He came back up and kissed me and then buried his head in my hair and was grunting and moaning with every thrust. The pace picked up.
“Declan…I can’t hold back...please…. oh God…I’m going to…” he came back up and kissed me and looked into my eyes put his forehead to mine.
“kiyôtêw, give yourself to me,” he said huskily.
With one final thrust, I let go, with a loud moan and felt ecstasy again clutching to his tensed shoulder and the back of his neck for dear life. He threw his head back and growled deeply; I could feel his whole member pulsate and release hot warmth inside me. Both of us frozen for a moment and catch our breaths. He completely pulled out of me and I felt cold. I instinctively reached out for him and he pulled me close and kissed me on the forehead. I felt warm again. We talked all night. He had questions and so did I. We talked until we fell asleep in each other’s arms; I never wanted it to wake up.

Chapter Text

I woke up the next to Declan watching me sleep stroking my hair and face.
“you drool,” he said teasingly.
I smiled embarrassed and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. I felt an aching between my legs but also a deep satisfaction. He moved closer and kissed me.
“good morning to you too, what time is it?” I said lazily.
He said the time, but I stopped listening when he sat up on to the edge of the bed and got up. His naked form was magnificent. I could watch him walk around naked all day. The finely defined muscles in his entire backside would make any anatomist drool. My eyes watched his movements like a predator. The thin white scars on his back were made with a scalpel. They were too fine to be a knife and they were in the shape of tick marks, like in a prison. It made me sad that the memory of Benton would forever follow him. I wished that this time had the technology to take those memories away.
“mmmm,” I said full of desire.
He looked back at me and smirked.
“like what you see?” he called back over his shoulder as he found his shirt and pulled it on.
I felt sad as I knew I would have to say goodbye soon.
“You seem eager to leave,” I said sadly.
He stopped dressing and walked back over to the bed and sat down on my side.
“I’m not, I’m eager to return.” He said touching my face gently.
“I know but doesn’t mean I have to like it,” I said bitterly looking away.
He smiled sympathetically and put his hand on my hips and then slowly slid them to my butt and gave it a good squeeze. I giggled and swatted his hand away.
“mmmm…I’m sure going to miss that” He grinned
“it will miss you too,” I said teasingly.
“If only we had those ‘airplanes’ that you spoke of. I would be able to be where I needed to and come back within the day. Although I don’t know how I would feel about being so high up in the sky. I like having my feet on the ground.” He said trying to imagine the metal birds in the sky.
“yeah, a plane would be really useful right about now. Too bad I’m not an engineer.” I replied
We both got dressed in silence. It was going to be rough for the next few months, and we knew it. He had to go all the way to Canada and then come back meaning it would at least be 6 months till I saw him weather permitting. It would be easier to travel overland rather than by ship. Everything was much slower here. As a child from technology and instant gratification, it was maddening but also peaceful at the same time.
We both finally made our way to the dining room where breakfast was being served. Declan had all his things packed and Jocasta had arranged for food and whiskey to be packed up on a horse for him through Ulysses. Everything was ready for him to leave, except for me.
Breakfast was a bit somber, but we were still able to have conversation and Jamie and Declan had become fast friends over these past few days. Through it, all Brianna reached out and squeezed my hand knowing what I was going through. I was glad to have a friend to relate to it all and help me through this. We all walked out front and there was his horse waiting to take him away from me. I never have wanted to harm an animal but now I did. I knew I was being selfish, petty and I kept telling myself that I had been alone for 25 years and that 6 months would go by fast. I was the last one to say goodbye. He took me by the hand, and we walked towards his horse away from everyone to have a private moment.
He took a deep breath and so did I.
“kiyôtêw, you know I’ll be back right?” He looked at me reassuringly
I nodded and smiled; I couldn’t speak for fear of crying.
“I want you to keep this safe for me.” He took one of his antler hilted knives out and handed it to me.
I took it and he put his hand on mine.
“I’ll be sure to take care of it and it will be waiting to be reunited with the other when you get back. You’ll also want to cut those stitches out in the next day or two. Don’t want them to permanently stay in your body.” I said fighting back tears.
I sheathed the knife into the other holster on my belt. We embraced tightly and I melted into his arms. I could hear his heart. I could listen to it forever. He kissed my forehead then kissed me deeply. My arms clutching his back and his hands on my waist. We released from each other heads still bent together like we were in prayer.
“I will wait for you,” I whispered shakily.
“and I’ll come to you.” He said back.
We finally let go of each other and he got on his horse and rode off. I stood there until I couldn’t see him anymore. He didn’t look back. It felt like forever. I wanted to say it, but I felt like it would be back luck if I did. Like he wouldn’t come back. Like it was the only thing keeping him coming back. I felt stupid that I didn’t say it and I was determined to say it when we saw each other again.
It wasn’t until Brianna came over and touched my elbow that I was shaken out of my trance. I didn’t realize that I was crying and so I wiped the tears away. I looked at her face and it was full of sympathy.
“I’m fine” I reassured her.
“You’re not and that’s ok, he’ll come back I just know it.” She said back with a smile.
I smiled back and we all headed back into the house.
“We must make preparations to return to Frasers Ridge tomorrow, I spoke wi Declan and he kens that is where we will be so dinna fash yer self lass he kens that you are safe and tha will give him some peace of mind,” Jamie said reassuringly to me.
I set straight to work. Determined use work as an outlet through this time of grief. I had to do something to make the time pass by faster or else I would go mad.
The day was more or less the same except for chatting about the future with Claire and Brianna. They had told me that Jamie and Murtagh new about me now too. I figured as much, since they knew about Claire and Brianna. It was interesting being a part of this secret club of people that were time travelers. After dinner, we had a little members only meeting in the parlor. Jamie sent the slaves away and shut the doors.
“We are able to speak freely now.” Jamie said, “I ken tha this is a strange situation we have here, but do you intend on stayin wi us, I mean in this time, Jane?” He said looking seriously.
“Yes, I do. I actually wanted to let you all know that I told Declan, so he knows about me but not about you all. He promised that he would come back for me and I promised that I would wait for him” I said as reassuringly.
I could see the worry in Jamie’s eyes since he thought I had revealed their secret as well, but it went away as soon as I mentioned that I hadn’t.
“You’re welcome to stay with us, it will take time to build a cabin, so you’ll probably be in the shelter with Lizzie for a bit.” Claire chimed in.
“I’m grateful for any and all help and I assure you that I’ll do my part and help out where I can,” I said hopefully.
“We leave for Frasers Ridge tomorrow so get yer rest lass and we will show you the way to yer new home. I assured Declan that I would watch o’re you and treat you as mah own and I intend to be keepin’ mah werd.” Jamie’s eyes were full of kindness and I trusted him.
“It’s been a long day so I’m going to head to bed. Thank you for helping me I really do appreciate it. Goodnight.” I got up and started walking to the door of the parlor to head upstairs.
“Jane…” Brianna called out and I turned.
“I know that you are hurting but I’m really happy to have you here. Honest. It’s like having a sister and I hope that you know you’re basically kin now.” She said sweetly.
I smiled back, nodded and headed to my room to sleep. It had been an emotionally challenging day and I was ready to leave it behind me. I stripped down to nothing and washed my hands and face and crawled into bed and buried my face in the pillow he used last night. I had asked that my room not be cleaned because I wanted to keep the scent of him around. I felt like a junkie, but I didn’t care. I inhaled deeply and flashes from last night came to my mind. I peeked down at the sheets below and there was a bit of blood there and the memory of him taking my virginity flashed in my mind and I thought of his cock filling me and stretching me. My fingers found their way down to my clitoris and I started rubbing it gently. I closed my eyes and played the memory of last night in my head. My breathing became labored and my heart rate increased. I bit my lip to stop moans from escaping my lips. I could feel my climax building up and I inserted a finger thrusting it in and out of me. It was a poor substitute, but the act of penetration helped drive me over the edge. I could feel the walls of my vagina convulsing and releasing sweet juices all over my hand. I laid back breathless and sleepy. I cuddled the Declan scented pillow and drifted off into sleep.
I was awoken by Phaedra the next day frantic about me not being up in time.
“Mistress! It’s nearly 8 in tha mornin’ what are ya doing in bed still?” Phaedra pulled back the curtains.
I sleepily pulled the covers over my head and kept inhaling the scent of the pillow. Phaedra yanked the covers back and gasped at the sudden exposure, I curled into fetal position wrapping my arms around myself.
“PHAEDRA what the devil are you doing?!!?” I yelled at her feeling very exposed.
“MISTRESS, if ya don ge’ up right away the Frasers will be leavin’ you here in the care o’ mistress Cameron and I don think you’ll be wantin’ that.” She said hands on her hips.
“no, I will not be wanting that,” I said scowling back at her.
I got up slowly and put on a shirt and started to put on a pair of pants.
“mistress, Have you started your courses?” Phaedra gasped at the sight of the bit of blood from the other night.
“ummm…well. No.” I said turning a blushing a bit and smiled remembering the other night.
It took Phaedra a bit but then she put her hands up to her mouth and looked at me in horror.
“MISTRESS, wi tha savage? How could you let someone take your virtue wi out being married properly?” Phaedra was clearly upset but I was furious.
I pushed Phaedra to the wall and slammed my palms on the wall on each side of her.
“I’m sorry what did you just call him,” I said in a deadly tone.
“I’m…sorry mistress I dinna mean to offend you…it’s jus tha he is half Indian is he no?” She stammered.
“They also call slave savages. Would you agree with that?” I said through my teeth to her as I lowered my fist from the wall.
She looked ashamed and looked down.
“Just because you don’t understand or don’t agree with someone’s way of life doesn’t mean they are inferior to you. After all, that kind of thinking has made men do savage things to others that didn’t deserve it.” I said hopefully drawing some parallels for Phaedra.
“My apologies mistress. I shouldna be using such words wi Mister Harp. He was a kind man whilst he was here.” Phaedra was still looking down.
“I’m sorry Phaedra I didn’t mean to scare you I just don’t think that word should be used to describe people.” I said as I got back to dressing myself.
“Dinna fash mistress, I ken what it is to be called something tha you are no. I will clear these away and no tell a soul. Yer secret is safe wi me.” She said reassuringly.
I hugged her, she seemed shocked at first but then embraced me back.
“I won’t forget this I promise. I hope that we will see each other again soon.” I held her tightly once more and let her go.
“Well Mistress if you dinna want to be lef behind you mus get yer things packed and ready to leave by half 11.” Phaedra said matter of factly.
“thanks, I’ll be ready by then to go.” I smiled at her and nodded for her to go.
She curtsied and left. I started to gather my things and that’s when I heard a horse coming up the path. I looked out the window and then I saw Brianna running out towards the rider. The rider dismounted and I saw them embrace fiercely. That had to be Roger. I was happy for Bree but was jealous that her lover had returned where mine had just left. They started to walk back and there it was a troop of red coats were riding at full speed up the path and towards the house. I hurriedly packed the rest of my things, sheathed the knives, grabbed my coat and bag and ran down the stairs. One of the slaves had notified the rest of the house so I kept silent. I saw Murtagh run out towards the slave’s quarters out of the corner of my eye. He was a wanted man after all. I saw Jamie and Jocasta waiting in the foyer for our unexpected guests. The leader of the pack walked in and I could see Jamie tense.
“Good day sir, I am looking for James Fraser” He commanded
Jamie looked suspiciously at the captain but replied “I am James Fraser”
The leader looked pleased and handed a rolled parchment with a large wax seal.
“I have a message for you from his lordship of North Carolina” The captain then turned on his heels and his troops followed him out of the house. I stayed on the stairs until the guards had left. Bree and Roger entered in shortly after they had left.
“What does it say, Jamie?” Claire asked it a bit of an exasperated tone.
“By the order of, Tryon, Lordship of North Carolina. He summons, James Alexander Malcolm Mackenzie Fraser, to gather a militia of men to hunt down and kill the fugitive and leader of the rebellious group, the regulators, Murtagh Fitzgibbons Mackenzie Fraser.” Jamie stunned by the news sat down on the bottom steps. Everyone looked troubled and clearly upset that the family was being turned against family.
“Jamie you can’t. You must write back and say that you are not able to.” Claire begged.
“I can’t Sassenach, I would forfeit mah land and life if I do no answer the call,” Jamie said throwing the rolled parchment away like it was a diseased rag.
“Could Lord John use his influence to delay the summons? “I chimed in from the back.
Everyone looked up at me surprised as if they had forgotten I was here. Jamie smiled as he thought about it.
“aye, I’m sure I could have John write on mah behalf to reason wi Tryon that I must take ensure that all mah tenants are able to fight wi me and also to establish our families so that they are able to survive the winter at Frasers Ridge,” Jamie said face finding some ease.
“We can also give Murtagh a head start to hide or go somewhere they don’t have jurisdiction,” Bree said.
“He could go to Canada and find Declan they will not have heard of him and not seen any wanted posters of him too,” I replied quickly after.
Jamie and Claire seemed to like the idea more when I added in Canada into it.
“We must make haste, Aunty, would you be able tah get Murtagh settled wi a horse an some supplies for his journey?” Jamie was in planning mode.
“Aye, o’course I will. Dinna fash yer self about it, Ulysses please make tha necessary arrangements for Murtagh twill be around 4 months travel will it no?” Jocasta said in the direction of Ulysses.
“Yes, mam. I will have a horse prepared right away.” Ulysses left and started to bark orders at the other slaves.
Murtagh came back into the parlor “was wi all tha racket? Where are tha red coats?”
“They’ve gone, they delivered this warrant for you to be found and killed by Lord Tryon,” Claire said with sadness in her eyes.
Murtagh picked up the tossed parchment and read it.
“wha a right bastard. At least we ken tha we are makin him nervous.” Murtagh said with a grin.
“Murtagh you mus go to Fort James wi Declan Harp. Stay wi him and do wha you must to stay safe. I will find a way to settle this.” Jamie and Murtagh embraced.
“I jus got you back lad. I’m sorry tah be leavin ya so soon.” Murtagh said with a glint of tears in his eyes.
“I’d rather you away and safe than see ya killed. Be safe and if you hurry you may be able to catch up to Declan before Fort James. Here is some coin for your journey.” Jamie handed a large coin purse to Murtagh.
Murtagh tried to refuse it but Jamie pushed it into his hands, and he gave in.
“thank ye lad fer always taking care of an old man,” Murtagh said
“I’ll send werd when all is well,” Jamie reassured him.
Another tearful goodbye today I thought sullenly. Claire and Brianna said goodbye next.
“anything you be wanting me to tell yer man?” Murtagh said as I approached him.
“Nope I wouldn’t dare utter that to you it would make you blush if I did,” I said jokingly.
“Dinna fash I’ll say it in a sweet lassy voice, I’ll sound jus like you.” He said back grinning like a fox.
“Thank you but, will you let him know that I’m doing well, and I miss him,” I said shyly.
“aye lass. I’ll let him know” Murtagh embraced me “watch over them for me lass?”
I nodded. Jocasta and Murtagh took their time saying their goodbyes. It was sad they had just reconnected and Murtagh had to leave, but it was for the best. Jocasta was not in a position to be dealing with conflict. We all watched Murtagh ride off at full gallop.
“I assume wi tha return of mister Mackenzie you’ll be wanting to stay another day?” Jocasta said again cutting through the silence and getting straight to business per usual.
I liked that about her, it showed strength and there wasn’t much of that in women during this time. Jamie looked to Claire and she nodded.
“If it isn’t too much trouble aunty, I’m sure Roger will be wantin’ some rest after his journey.”
Jamie said reluctantly.
Roger looked rough and very weary from travel.
“Thank you, Jamie. I’m quite tired from mah journey and looking tah rest a wee bit if it isn’t too much of an inconvenience.” Roger said looking into Brianna’s eyes.
“Of course, he doesn’t mind. Dah, can’t we leave tomorrow?” Brianna pleaded
Jamie grimaced but nodded his head and started to unhitch the horses. Brianna, Roger, Claire, and Jocasta headed back to the house to get Roger settled. I stayed behind and started to help Jamie with the horses.
“Wha do yah think o the lad?” Jamie said as soon as they were out of earshot.
I shrugged “I don’t really know the man so I can’t say, but he does look very dainty.” I looked up and saw Jamie grinning.
“aye, he’s a historian. He’s no seen life outside of books I’d say.” He seemed very unhappy about that.
“It’s a different time in the future. Men are not expected to do hard labor to be considered a good husband. In our time we measure a man’s worth by how much money he makes.” I said comfortingly.
Jamie knew this I’m sure but kept working silently. Once we had the horses free of the wagon, we walked them over to the stables. Whatever Jamie did I mirrored. I wanted to avoid being around Brianna and Roger as much as possible to stave off my jealousy. I wasn’t ready to see it, and have it flaunted in my face. Jamie must have noticed.
“you’re makin strange faces there. Are you alright?” He said concern in his face.
“I’m fine. I just miss Declan that’s all. I’m still a little raw about him leaving...” I said bitterly.
“An Roger comin back to Bree dosna help I imagine,” Jamie said perceptively.
I stopped brushing the horse.
“No, no it does not.” I said a little shortly. I took a deep breath in “But I need to keep focused and keep myself busy until Declan comes back.” I said trying to avoid talking about my feelings anymore.
“Claire and I were separated for 20 years. Thinkin each other dead. I ken that you two love each other. I dinna think a mere 6 moths will change tha. Declan is a strong man; he will come back fer ya and if he dosna I will go to where ever he is an drag him back fer ya.” Jamie said as he walked over to my side and put a hand on my back. It was odd but I felt more comforted than I had in a while.
“Thank you, Jamie. I really appreciate it. I’m very lucky to have you Frasers around to help me get through this.” I said now wiping tears from my face.
“ghràdhaich” Jamie muttered as he hugged me. “dinna fash lass. We wouldnah let you go through this alone. T’would be unchristian and cruel to let someone in such heartache suffer alone.” He said as he let go.
I looked up into his blue eyes and felt a kinship and admiration for him.
“Anyone ever told you that you are really easy to talk to,” I said with a laugh.
Jamie snorted “I ken it is tha white hairs and old face that I have now”
I laughed and we put the horses in their respective pens and started to make our way back to the house. He told me about Frasers Ridge and how it was a 10,000-acre lot, they had a cabin already established and surgery and garden too. There were few tenants but soon to be more. How we would build a cabin for Roger and a guest house for me and any other guests that would come in the future. There seemed to be a lot of work to be had when we get there, and I was happy to take it all. Anything to make the time pass by faster.
We entered the house and Claire was in the parlor with Jemmy. Brianna and Roger were presumably upstairs.
“Claire, where are Brianna and Roger?” Jamie said with a hint of suspicion.
“Where do you think they are? Jamie, they haven’t seen each other in nearly a year. They are entitled to some privacy.” Claire said exasperatedly
Jamie turned bright red “Claire they are no married. First, he takes her virtue, leaves her and then intends to bed her out o wedlock again?” Jamie was furious.
“They are handcasted Jamie and have a child together,” Claire said sternly while grabbing his arm and preventing him from going upstairs and kicking down a door.
He turned to look at Claire's fury in his eyes.
“It’s not that uncommon for people from our time to go to bed before marriage. Also, Bree is her own woman and I’m sure it’s not just Roger that is wanting time alone.” Claire said teasingly.
Jamie sat down on the couch near the fire and let out a string of what I assumed to be Gaelic curse words.
Claire rolled her eyes and sat next to him and put her arm around him.
“They are in love, Jamie. Let them be in love.” She pleaded
Jamie relaxed and put his arm around Claire
“Auch, sassenach, I dinna like this but I will respect Bree’s wishes.” He looked down at her and smiled and gave her a kiss.
I walked over to the bar to pour myself a cup of whiskey I needed a drink as I was now the 5th wheel and I didn’t want to feel like much of anything.
“Pour me a dram will yah lass?” Jamie called out from behind me.
I poured him and Claire one as well and walked it over to them and handed them both their cups. I then walked back to the bar and took the crystal bottle and started pulling straight from it while walking out to the porch to drink alone.
The whiskey burned but it felt good. I plopped down on a bench on the porch and laid my head back against the house. I felt angry that I didn’t insist on going with Declan. I just thought of all the wrong things that could happen and I took another pull off the bottle. It had been about an hour before someone came out to get me for supper.
“maitheas! You’ve gone and drank all tha whiskay.” Jamie said coming out with his cup. “is not meant to be drank alone and in sadness you know.” He followed quickly.
I looked over at him; drunk already since I hadn’t had much to eat that day.
“Well, mister Fraser, I’m not sad anymore and I’m not alone. This whiskey is fine company considering it doesn’t talk back. And I can hold it and keep it close and it won’t leave me until I’m good and ready for it to.” I knew I was slurring my words, but I didn’t care.
Jamie looked at me with sympathy and came and sat next to me on the bench.
“You no going to find him in the bottom of tha bottle lass.”
He reached for the bottle as I was chugging it and I pulled away and kept chugging until it was gone holding up a ‘hold on’ hand gesture to him. He smiled but was clearly annoyed with me. I handed him the empty crystal bottle and smiled at him.
“you’re right, I’m not going to find him down there, but I would if I had gone with him,” I said somberly
“It was too much of a risk. You, canna be mad a’ him for tryin’ tah keep yah safe. I would do tha same if it were Claire.” Jamie said with his hand on my back.
“I bet she’d be doing the same thing I was if that were the case or she’d be with you. I just don’t feel like I belong here. I am the odd man out.” I started to feel dizzy. I bent forward and put my elbows on my knees and head in my hands.
“I swore to Declan that I woul’ take care o’ you. That’d I’d take yah in as if you were mah own. So, you’re mah family as far as I am concerned and belong wi us.” He said rubbing my back.
I turned my head towards him and felt so touched. “really? You would consider me family after just knowing me for a week?”
“aye, mo nighean” He nodded
“what does that mean?” I managed to slur out with a hiccup.
“It means my daughter.” He said smiling broadly
“should I call you dah now?” I said jokingly
He grinned “if yah wish. whatever you are more comfortable wi”
“ok dah.” I said with one eye closed as I was seeing two of him.
“well I came out tah get another dram, but it looks like I’ll have to go down to tha cask to get moar” Jamie shaking the empty bottle in his hand.
“yes! Another bottle sounds wonderful.” I exclaimed. I stood up to walk with Jamie and stumbled.
He dropped the bottle and caught me. It crashed all over the porch.
“damnadh gu ifrinn, yah stink like a sailor nighean. Off wi ye to the bath.” He said laughing at how drunk I was.
Phaedra and Claire came out to see what all the commotion was about and laughed when they saw me.
“Phaedra, please take mah very drunk nighean up to her room and ge’ her into a cold bath to sober her up before supper aye?” Jamie said as he put his hands on my arms to keep me from falling over again.
“oh mistress, wah are you doin’ tah yer self drinkin’ yer self to nothin’” Phaedra scolded.
She came over and took me from Jamie.
“I’m fine Phaedra, just having a wee bit to drink before supper. Haha. Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are?” I said putting my arm around her.
Phaedra blushed but kept walking me inside.
“Mistress, you shouldna be sayin things like tha. It’s unladylike.” Phaedra scolded again.
I waved a hand “take the compliment, Phaedra. I’m not trying to get you into my bed and I’m not a lady…I’m a lass!” I laughed at my own stupid joke.
We finally made it to my room where Ulysses had had a tub brought in with warm water. Phaedra helped me undress and I sat in the tub and fell right asleep. I awoke a moment later to cold water being dumped over my head.
“Bloody fucking hell! What on earth was that for?!?!” I screamed. Breathing rapidly and wiping the water from my eyes I found Claire looking amusedly down at me.
“You ready to stop feeling sorry for yourself?” she said sternly.
I wrapped my arms around my chest and glared up at her.
“I’m not feeling sorry for myself I’m just cutting loose for a bit,” I said sheepishly.
Claire held out a drying cloth for me and I stood up and snatched it from her hand; quickly wrapping it around me to stop my teeth from chattering.
“Yes, you are feeling sorry for yourself. Just because Roger came back for Bree and that I have Jamie doesn’t mean you are in this alone. We are here for you and you can come talk to us anytime. I know it hurts having someone you love, leave you. Trust me leaving isn’t easy either.” Claire said sadly.
I immediately felt guilty. Here I was throwing a pity party for myself because I had to wait 6 months to see Declan while Claire had to be without Jamie for 20 years and raise his child with another man. I had to stop being so pitiful. This isn’t the person that I am. I had no right to act that way. I felt a headache come on and walked over to the bed still wrapped in the sheet and sat down with my back against the headboard.
“Here is some willow bark tea. I imagine you have quite a headache.” Claire walked over and handed me the concoction.
I gratefully drank it and could feel a bit of the pain subside. Probably a placebo effect but I didn’t care I just wanted this hangover to go away before supper. I had some apologizing to do.
“Jamie told me about the conversation you two had. I hope you know that we both very much consider you apart of this family and that we will help you through this. Even though it’s been a short amount of time we trust you and hope that you trust us.” Claire put a hand on my shoulder.
I felt embarrassed and wanted so badly to make up for it somehow.
“Claire I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to embarrass myself like that. I’m so grateful for you and Jamie and I’m so honored to be a part of this family. I just have never dealt with this before. I’ve never been…in love.” I said nervously.
The words felt awkward and good at the same time. She smiled with understanding in her eyes.
“Love makes us do crazy things.” Claire said laughing a bit. “well not to worry, Jamie and I know all about that but let’s get you dried and dressed for supper. It will be done soon.” Claire put an arm around me and gave me a quick hug.
It felt really nice and it made me think of my mom. I bet her and my dad were somewhere up there in heaven laughing at the trouble I had gotten myself into now. After Claire left, I finished my tea and willed myself to get up and get dressed.
I walked down and sheepishly made my way into the dining room where everyone was waiting. I walked in and everyone stopped talking. I was embarrassed but looked over at Claire and she gave me an encouraging smile.
“I’m sorry for my behavior earlier this afternoon and, I’m terribly sorry, I caused your whiskey decanter to be broken, mistress Cameron,” I said looking around the room.
“Thank ye for the apology, Jane I greatly appreciate it as for the decanter I was no terribly fond o it, so no harm done. Please won’ yah sit wi us for supper?” Jocasta was very gracious.
I smiled and sat down next to Claire and across from Bree.
“Roger I’d like to introduce you to Jane she is a new member of our family and she’ll be staying with us to Frasers Ridge,” Claire said to change the subject.
“Please tah make your acquaintance, Jane. I’m Roger Mackenzie. Are you learning a lot from Claire? She must have a lot o strange new things tah teach you.” Roger said in a Scottish accent.
“Pleased to meet you too Roger. I am learning a lot from Claire she is quite the surgeon using the limited resources she has available. I look forward to learning more from her at Frasers Ridge.” I said trying not to reveal anything while Jocasta was around.
Roger looked at me peculiarly and then at Bree. Bree looked back and nodded her head. Roger then made an ‘O’ face and smiled.
We continued the conversation about a gathering of all the Scotts in North Carolina and Roger and Brianna’s wedding.
“Jane you have to be a bridesmaid!” Bree exclaimed.
I almost spat out some water I had in my mouth. I swallowed.
“um, of course, I’d be honored,” I said wiping my mouth
“Bree what a lovely thought.” Claire said,
“well I don’t have any friends except for Jane here and dah has already made her an honorary Fraser so she’s basically like a sister, right?” Bree said logically.
“Aye, she’s family. Jane Fraser, Slàinte” Jamie said holding up his glass.
I started to feel more at home in this time and I was excited to see what Frasers Ridge had in store.

We woke early the next morning just as the sun was rising above the mountain ridge. I think we were all eager to leave and be hidden away in the safety of the mountains. I knew that I was ready to do something other than gather herbs and tend to ingrown toenails and scraped arms and legs. Also not being able to do anything without the unwanted assistants of slaves was maddening. I couldn’t get a moment alone if I tried.
The wagon was packed, and the horses watered. Roger and I mounted horses while Claire, Jamie, and Bree were in the wagon. They said it would be about three days to get there and I was anxious to go and not waste the day. We said our goodbyes to Jocasta and everyone at Riverrun and headed off towards the mountains. We passed the time talking about our past lives and playing ‘I spy’ and other silly road trip games.
“Jane Eyre, I can’t believe that you chose that to be your name. I remember reading that when I was a girl.” Bree exclaimed as she used air quotes around my fake name.
“I panicked it was the first name that worked with my actual first name. I mean it does fit kind of my life. I was orphaned when I was young and grew up in the foster system. I was just lucky enough to pull myself out of it. Didn’t want any help from anyone. What was I supposed to do say hello my name is Dr. Jane Huang and I’m from the future?” I shrugged and laughed.
“So that’s your real name,” Claire said smiling. “It’s lovely but I do understand the caution of telling anyone your name. you’re much luckier than I was when interrogated by British soldiers. She said as she looked at Jamie for validation.
“She’s a Fraser now, so her name is Jane Huang Fraser if that pleases you nighean,” Jamie said keeping his eyes on the road.
“Jane Fraser will be just fine. I don’t want anyone trying to break their brains trying to say my real last name.” I smiled at Bree and she smiled back.
I looked back at Roger behind us. He was struggling as Jamie had not been so warm to him as he was to me. I slowed and waited for him to catch up to me.
“So, Roger you are a historian ya?” I asked wondering if he was more into research or teaching.
“Aye, I am but specialize in Scottish history as mah father before me did,” Roger said excitedly to be talking to someone other than himself I supposed.
“Would you say that some of the more influential people were time travelers then?” I said curiously
“Oh, I don’ know bout thah” Roger said furrowing his eyebrows. “tis quite possible that they did come from tha future, but I ken wi how complicated time travel can be t’would be rare if they were. To change history is a great feat, Claire and Jamie tried tah stop the battle of Culloden and despite their best efforts they were no able to.” Roger said solemnly.
“Do you know when the Revolutionary war starts?” I asked suddenly realizing that we may be living through a war.
“No’ for another 5 years but thas no’ a long time.” Roger looked worried.
“It’s going to be ok, I’m sure we will all be able to make it through this war,” I said as reassuringly as possible.
Roger looked like he’d never been in a war. I mean neither had I, but I had killed a man in the short time that I had been here. I knew that I had survival instincts, but war was different. I had seen pictures and respected the military but never had any exposure to it. From what I remember from basic American history the revolutionary war was brutal. I could see why Roger was scared. Men were drafted and he would have to fight at some point, and it would be likely that he would get hurt as well.
“aye, I’m ready tah do wha I have tah.” Roger said as confidently as he could.
Jamie looked back at this remark and snorted. Claire quickly jabbed Jamie in the side and made a face that resembled a mother silently scolding a child. Jamie scowled and urged the horses on. Roger flinched and his face tightened into a grimace.
“I know you will, I can tell that you love her very much,” I said feeling a bit sorry for him.
I felt awkward being in the middle of this, so I slowed and lagged behind everyone. I felt sorry for Roger as he had been through quite an ordeal already, being beaten and sold into slavery by his future father in law, then learning that his future wife was raped, possibly impregnated, by the man that he called captain on the ship from Scotland, Stephen Bonnet. I didn’t blame him for taking the time to think about if he was going to go back or stay with Bree.
“nighean!” Jamie called out to me.
I broke out of my trance and urged my horse to go faster to catch up to the wagon.
“Yes, Dah” I said as I approached the wagon.
“We will make camp soon, will yah join me on tha river to fish for our supper?” He looked tired of sitting still.
“It would be my pleasure. I bet I can catch more fish than you.” I said daringly
“I wouldnah make a wager you canna win nighean.” He said grinning
Claire and Bree looked a little upset about Jamie asking me and I knew it was because they wanted Jamie and Roger to take time to get to know each other. Jamie didn’t respect Roger and didn’t hide it either. I felt bad but at the same time, I didn’t want to be stuck at camp just twiddling my thumbs. Jamie lead us to a clearing in the deep forest and we all set up our tents and bedrolls. It was my first time setting up a tent that didn’t have collapsible poles and such so I watched how Jamie did it and copied him. It was hard I struggled, and he had to come over and help me anyway. I smiled sheepishly and he took the wooden pole and canvas from me and set it up quickly.
“nighean, are you ready tah be shown how to fish properly?” Jamie said teasingly
“I hope you’re ready to be put in your place old man,” I said smugly
He laughed and grabbed the fly rods and basket and started walking towards the stream. I followed and smiling feeling like I was really a part of this family. Roger was out gathering wood and Claire and Bree were busy taking care of Jemmy and preparing the fire for supper.
When we got to the stream, I set to work making some flies. Jamie was taking his boots and socks off and waded into the water. I was curious to see how he was going to catch a fish without a fly rod. He put his hands in and was very slow with his movements. It was like magic, he just pulled bloody fish out of the water with his bare hands. I couldn’t help but laugh out of disbelief.
“thas how you catch a fish in tha highlands. I’ve got one and you’ve got none. Better catch up nighean.” He smirked.
I waded into the water and started to cast upstream, letting my fly float downstream. Jamie looked impressed that I was able to fly fish.
“Women fish in your time?” He asked curiously
“yeah, women are allowed to do a lot in the future. I can even shoot a gun.” I said amusedly
“Aye? You will have tah come wi me to hunt deer.” Jamie said as he grabbed another fish out of the water and tossed it into the basket.
“I’d like that,” I said as I was pulling a fish in.
I held it up and showed him proving that I could catch fish too. He smiled back and held up 2 fingers.
“I’m still ahead of ya nighean” he teased.
I smiled and kicked some water at him. He splashed back and I gave a little yelp. Bree and Roger came over with what I assumed to be water bladders to fill for tonight.
“Looks like you are doing well, not sure how you are catching any fish with all that splashing about,” Bree said with a flat tone.
“Uh. Have you seen how many we’ve caught? Not sure we will be needing too much more for tonight” I said back confused by her tone.
“well the fire is going, and mama wants to get dinner started it’s gonna get dark soon,” She said annoyed.
Jamie and I exchanged confused looks and went back to fishing. Bree and Roger finished filling the bladders and left without a word.
“Did I do something wrong?” I said to Jamie
“Dinna fash nighean, she is no angry wi you. She is angry wi me fer no bringing Roger wi us tah fish.” Jamie said looking somewhat ashamed.
“I mean he is going to be your son in law soon. You should try and get to know him more. Let go of what he did and try to make amends. Do it for Bree.” I said hoping that I wasn’t overstepping.
“Aye, you are right. T’would be selfish of me tah no forgive him.” Jamie looked a bit more relieved.
We went back to fishing and caught a couple more so that everyone would have their own fish.
“well, we will have tah see who wins next time.” Jamie challenged.
“I let you win,” I said goadingly
“Auch nighean thas a lie if I’ve ever heard one” he laughed.
We walked back to camp with the fish and the fire was roaring. Roger was chopping wood and Claire and Bree had set up a spit to cook the fish on.
“wonderful, who won?” Claire asked curiously
“It was a tie, but we all know that I’m the better fisher. Right dah?” I replied jokingly.
Jamie scoffed with a smirk and set the fish by a bowl full of water.
“Roger would you like tah come an help me prepare tha fish for tonight?” Jamie said
“Oh, I, uh, I dinna how” Roger stammered.
“I’ll teach yah. Come o’re here lad.” Jamie motioned with a sharp fillet knife.
I knew Jamie was disappointed by Roger's reply but hid it really well. Jamie was good at that. Hiding his emotions. I looked over at Bree and Claire and they both were pleased that Jamie was trying. I walked over to the ladies and plopped down next to Bree.
“Anything I can help with?” I said
“No, I think we are all set just waiting for the fish. Would you like some tea?” Claire said
“Please.” It was dark and getting cold and it would be nice to drink something hot.
She handed me the mug and the warmth felt good in my hands and I stared off into the fire.
“Are you doing alright?” Bree asked curiously
“Hmmm, yeah I’m doing ok. I just miss him” I said wishing that I was wrapped up in Declan’s arms.
“I’m sure he will write. You shouldn’t worry.” Bree said brightly
“He can’t, he’s wanted by the HBC any correspondence would put us in danger. That’s really the worst part of this all. Is that I can’t even communicate with him.” I said looking into my mug.
Bree put a hand on my back and rubbed it.
“We will just have to distract you with Jemmy then.” She grabbed the infant and held him out to me.
I was uncomfortable with children, but I put my mug down and awkwardly scooped him into my arms.
“watch his head,” Claire said cautiously.
He was cute. Fussed a bit in my arms but then settled in once he was against my warm body.
“He’s cute,” I said looking down into the sleeping bundle.
“dammit!” Roger yelled from the corner where they were gutting the fish.
“What happened?” Claire yelled over to them
“Nothing but a wee scratch Sassenach” Jamie called back.
I handed Jemmy back to Bree and got up with Claire and we both rushed over to see the damage. It was a light knick but nothing too serious.
“Roger come with me and we’ll get that cleaned and bandaged up,” Claire said as she helped Roger to his feet and walked him over to her medical bag.
I sat down where Roger was and started to clean and gut the fish he had been working on. Jamie looked at me gratefully and went back to his work too. We had the fish done in less than 5 mins. Jamie took the guts and scraps far away from the camp so that bears or other animals would not come and ransack our camp. I brought the fillets of fish over and Bree had a greased pan over the coals ready to go. Everything worked like clockwork and somehow, I was able to adapt to it and not miss a beat.
The days blurred together of the same thing of getting to know each other better and becoming more of a family. I told them about how my parents died and how I came up through the foster system, basically about my old life. Roger and Jamie were getting better but Roger's lack of wilderness knowledge definitely created a bit of a speed bump, but Roger was eager the learn. We were coming up to a clearing on the ridge and it opened up and it took my breath away. It looked like something that Thomas Kinkade would paint. I got off my horse and walked to the edge of the cliff. Jamie walked up next to me and put his arm on my shoulder.
“This is Frasers Ridge nighean, your new home.” He said full of pride.
My heart swelled with happiness. It was such a vast plot of land and I was eager to explore every corner of it. After admiring the view for a bit, we mounted back up and continued on. We went deeper into the mountain and ended up coming to a little cul de sac with a large cabin and one lean-to shelter nearby.
“Home,” Bree said contently.
“Sorry nighean, you’ll be in the shelter until we can build another cabin for Bree and Roger. It dosna look like much but it will keep ya warm at night.” Jaimie said.
“Don’t be sorry Dah. I’m perfectly happy with having just a roof over my head.” I said as I was getting the saddlebags off my horse.
I was ready to just sleep on something other than the ground being on horseback for the last 3 days was hard enough. I got into the shelter and saw a girl about 20 years of age with jet black hair under a bonnet with skin pale as the moon. She actually looked a little jaundice and I was concerned for her.
“Hello, I’m Jane. I’ll be rooming with you until the other cabin is built.” I dropped my stuff on the cot and extended a hand.
She didn’t take it. She looked at me oddly like she didn’t trust me.
“Mah name is Lizzie. Pleasure to make your acquaintance. Would you know where Mistress Bree is?” She said not making eye contact.
“Oh yeah, she’s headed towards the main cabin with her father and mother and Roger,” I said pointing behind me towards the door.
She hurried out to see them. I just stood there shocked that I had frightened someone so much. I shook it off and started to unpack somethings. I was ready to just lay down and take a nap. I changed out of my clothes and put on a shirt that I had managed to steal from Declan and got under the sheets. It still smelled like him despite wearing it every night. I just felt closer to him this way and I drifted off into wonderful sleep.

Chapter Text

******6 Months Later-Frasers Ridge******

I awoke alone in the shelter it was winter and dark. I think it was about 5 am and I could see my breath. I got up and the coals from the fire last night were almost out. I threw some more kindling on there and blew on them to ignite. After I had gotten a flame back, I threw a log on there to warm the shelter. I had managed to replace the moss on the roof with wood and mud to insulate better for the winter and also to be more waterproof. Life on Frasers Ridge was peaceful and productive. A lot had happened, but at the end of the day it was the same. Me waiting at the end of the road for Declan.
On the more eventful side of things we had gone to a large Scottish gathering. Bree and Roger were married. Jemmy, and Marsali’s children, Germain and Joan were all baptized. Fergus has been a sweet brother and Marsali an amazing sister. She even made me several pairs of britches to wear for a week at a time, so I wasn’t doing laundry so often anymore. For trade I would watch her sweet little boy, Jermaine, and help her with the newborn girl, Joanie. There was a lot of good food and whiskey and A LOT of SCOTS. It was a week’s worth of celebration, but it was now a quieter time. We had just finished the cabin for Bree and Roger. Roger, Claire and Jamie were off to gather a militia as per Lord Tryon’s summons. They had just left the day before and It was just me and Bree, Fergus and Marsali running things. Fergus and I were still working secretly as regulators.
The farming life became mundane and I needed more excitement. Fergus suggested that I do some jobs with him and the regulators as he only had one hand. We had been able to intercept some money, but it still wasn’t enough. They just kept raising the taxes and creating more taxes for ridiculous reasons. We had a job to do, tonight, and it should be the last one. We had word that there was a wagon coming through the mountain pass and we were going to set off a rock slide to block passage temporarily. Then it would be a simple smash and grab from there.
I wondered if today, would be the day, I would see Declan again. It has been over 6 months and I was starting to worry but quickly put it out of my mind and got up, stretched and warmed up before putting my clothes on.
No one was up yet so I went to the main cabin and set a kettle on the fire to make some coffee. I yawned and knew Bree would be up soon. This is about when Jemmy fussed and woke her up. Like clockwork I heard him fussing and heard Bree upstairs getting up to feed him. She walked down with him latched to her.
“Are you making coffee?” She asked sleepily
“yeah, I am I’ll make sure to get you a cup as soon as it’s ready.” I smiled looking at the baby.
“You’re a blessing. Not sure what I would do without you here since Roger Dah and Mama left.” She said forcing Jemmy to release from her nipple with a popping sound.
She quickly tucked her breast back into her shift and made her way to the rocking chair to ease him back to sleep. I grabbed a blanket and handed it to her for her to stay warm.
“what are you going to be doing today after chores?” she asked inquisitively
“Oh, Fergus and I were going to check on the rest of the tenants to see if there was anything, we could help them with.” I said casually.
The less she knew the better. The kettle started to rumble, and I grabbed it off the fire with a thick cloth and poured it into the tea pot with grounds in it, waited for it to steep and poured two mugs and handed one promptly to Bree. She had mastered the art of holding a baby and a cup of joe in the other like it was nothing. I admired her and her ability to adapt quickly she was a strong and fierce woman. I was proud to call her my sister. It did confuse people a bit being introduced as Jamie’s daughter, but no one dared question it or sling insult for fear of Jamie and Bree’s wrath. They were protective of me and I of them.
Every morning brought a bustle of people and food. Breakfast was always fun because we got everyone together to eat and start the day off on a happy note. Marsali and Bree would make breakfast as I watched the children with Lizzie. Lizzie was a tough nut to crack but she has warmed up to me these past few months of living together. Jamie had really taken me under his wing. In the past months I had learned how to defend myself, hunt and track, speak a little bit of Gaelic. I took it all in as much as I could because I wanted to be ready for anything. I hated feeling helpless and that was how I felt when Declan left me. I was taking my power back.
The morning flew by in a blur I couldn’t believe it was afternoon already. Fergus and I decided to meet up past the end of the road to avoid suspicion from Bree and Marsali. They would surely want to be a part of this if we had told them and that was a risk, we couldn’t let them take.
We got to the hill side where we had stacked a bunch of boulders. All we had to do was knock the support beams and the boulders would roll down and trap the wagon. We spotted the wagon coming. I looked at Fergus and he nodded at me and we put our masks up to cover our identities. He signaled the others to start knocking the support beams down. The boulders were released and crashed down the hill with a thunderous sound. They settled at the bottom of the gully and the wagon was stopped. We all ran down to the bottom and surrounded the men. Fighting ensued. Amongst the tussle I managed to get to the wagon door and broke the lock I opened it. I expected to find someone in there but there was an army of men in there and no bags of money. They all rushed me and pinned me down and I was nose-to-nose with a barrel of a gun.
“TRAP!” I heard one of the men yell.
Fergus and I locked eyes and I could see the fear in his eyes
“RUN! GO! LEAVE ME!” I yelled at him.
He shook his head and before he could run to me, someone had grabbed him and pulled him away. I was relieved but then focused on the problem at hand. I was being taken captive. The instinct in me said to fight but the gun to my face made me freeze up.
“It’s a woman!” one of the soldiers yelled to the one pointing a gun at my face.
“remove her mask” the one pointing the gun said.
One of the men grabbed my mask and pulled it off and I went to go bite his hand and he yelped and pulled away.
“Christ, she’s a feisty one!” he cried out afterwards.
“Chain her and toss her into the wagon we’ll take her back to Lord Tryon and Captain Barlow. I’m sure they would both like to have a word with her.” The one with the gun said.
Two guards pulled me up to my feet and one came and lifted my face forcefully by my chin. I spat at his face. He wiped the spit from his face and then took the butt of his gun and hit me over the head. That was the last thing I remembered.
I awoke in the back of the wagon alone. I looked around and found a bucket full of water and a chamber pot.
“lovely” I said aloud.
I took a drink out of the bucket and then looked around to see if I could use anything to escape. My head was throbbing, and I knew I was concussed but would check myself later. I looked around and it was basically air tight. I knew that I would have to wait until we got to our destination which was Brunswick where Lord Tryon was.
I was furious with myself. I was helpless again. How could I have been so stupid. I had to get out. I managed to find a loose nail and I pulled it out and hid it in my sleeve.
It was about 2 days ride back to Brunswick. They would throw food through the window of the wagon door and it was usually stale bread. I ate as I wanted to keep my strength up. The men would look in on me and make fun of the fact that I wore britches and that I was Asian. I thought about evoking Lord John Grey’s name but knew better. I was a regulator and would surely get him and myself hung if I did. I wonder if Jamie would come for me knowing the risk. I thought about my situation from every perspective. What could I use to gain leverage? What should I prepare myself for? How could I turn this situation to my advantage? Fuck. Helpless…again.
The wagon stopped and I was on high alert. I put the nail between my pointer finger and middle finger like a claw folded my arms together to conceal my weaponized hand. The door opened and I saw the muzzle of a gun.
“get out!” the soldier ordered.
I walked out of the wagon and there were only 3 guards, including the one holding the gun.

******3 months ago-A forest Clearing In Frasers Ridge******

“If yah find yer self in a situation where you are outnumbered dinna give up. Even if they have a musket pointed at yah. You are faster an stronger than yah think you are.” Jamie said with what appeared to be an unloaded musket pointed at me.
We were in a clearing in the forest of Fraser’s ridge. I
“Dah. It’s a gun. How am I supposed defend myself?” I said nervously
“nighean, you are faster than you think yah are. Tha training we have ben doin’ has been preparin you fer this.” Jamie said encouragingly.
“I don’t know about that, but I’ll try.” I said again nervously
“I want you to grab tha muzzle, push it to tha side and pull down. Tha gun should go off, hold fast as it’s goin’ tah be hot and might burn ya. But better tah have a burn than a hole in yah.” Jamie winked at me.
“yeah so much better” I laughed uncertainly.
I did as he instructed, and the gun went off and my hand burned.
“WHAT THE FUCK DAH!?!?!?! IT WAS LOADED?!?!?” I yelled at him holding my hand
“Aye, t’would be silly tah practice wi out practicality. Also, I knew you wouldnah get shot. Your old man is no daft enough wi a gun tah accidentally shoot yah. Now you’ve gotten it out of tha way you won be so hesitant the next time.” Jamie said mater of factly.
“Christ that hurt.” My hand wasn’t too terribly burned but he was right I wouldn’t hesitate the next time.
******Present Time-Brunswick ******
I grabbed the musket of the gun and surprised the soldier. The gun went off and hit the other soldier in the knee. There was a blood curdling scream, I pulled the gun towards me and used my other hand with the nail in it to stab the other man in the eye. I retracted the nail and felt the other soldier grab me from behind. I flung my head back and got in him the face. Stomped on his foot and he released me holding his face. I ran and then the next thing I knew I was knocked in the stomach with the butt of a gun. I gasped for air, but nothing went in or out and then it all went black.
I awoke to cold water being thrown in my face. I gasped and cried out, out of surprise and went to wipe my face but realized that both my arms were shackled to the floor.
“I’m Captain Reginald Barlow. I’ll be entertaining you for the next few days. Please state your name for the record?” A tall man with blonde hair and dark brown eyes said.
I stayed silent. I didn’t want to say anything for fear of getting Jamie in trouble. I wasn’t scared for myself; I was more so scared for the family. I couldn’t get them involved no matter what.
“Madame, what is your name?” Captain Barlow asked again.
I remained silent and looked up at him defiantly.
“Madame, if you do not tell us your name, we will find other means to get it out of you along with any information regarding the regulators.” He said venom dripping off of each word.
“I doubt that very much.” I said with a smirk looking up at him.
I had a high pain tolerance. 12 hours in a chair being repeatedly poked by an electric needle proved that. I knew that it was a threat of violence, there was going to be pain involved so I steeled myself mentally for what was to come. My only fear was rape. Catching a venereal disease in this time was like catching a cold. The thought send a cold chill down my spine.
“If you insist. I’ll have you know my methods are very successful.” He smiled.
What was it about British men enjoying torture and rape? First, Lord Benton torturing Benton. Then Captain Randal with Jamie. Fucking Sadists. I watched Captain Barlow walk over to a wood cabinet. It had blood all over it. He pulled out a set of iron rods and set them in a fire. Burning. I thought to myself. Fuck. I mean if monks and yogis could walk on hot coals, I should be ok…right? I was starting to sweat and shake. It was completely involuntary, and I wanted to stop but there was nothing I could do.
“I will get you to tell me all about the regulators my dear. I am very talented at getting the truth out. Now I’ll give you one last chance to answer without me resorting to extreme measures.” He said holding my chin up.
“If you were so talented, you wouldn’t have to resort to extreme measures. Shows how much intellect you have.” I said coolly.
This seemed to have irked him as he grimaced and hit me in the face with the back of his hand. I could taste the blood coming out of the cut in my mouth, I spat it out and started to laughed. I must have looked like a maniac.
“Is that all you’ve got captain?” I knew I was getting under his skin. It probably wasn’t the best idea but if I could challenge him to a battle of wits, I might be able to delay the future smell of burnt skin.
“Tell me who you were with and I will not harm you. Surely a woman of your intelligence knows that it is in your best interest to give up your accomplices.” He said walking over to the cabinet again pulling out more metal rods and sticking them in the coals.
“A woman of my intelligence? Ha. I already know that I’m dead and if not dead imprisoned for life. I’m not going to say anything. You don’t have any leverage. Come back to me when you have something to actually bargain with.” I scoffed. “so pathetic.”
“perhaps, you will need some encouragement from a stern hand.” He said grabbing a hot iron from the fire.
I steeled myself for the burn. He stepped behind me and tore my shirt open.
“my, my what have we here, such a pity your skin has been ruined already, let’s see if I can make it better” He said looking tracing the tattoos on my back with his finger.
“now tell me my dear. Who were you with?” He said with his lips close to my ear.
Then he snaked a tongue into my ear and I jerked away trying to shake the saliva out of my ear.
“Go fuck yourself.” I said as I turned my head to look him eye to eye.
I felt the heat radiating on my bare skin and then a hot white pain. I cried out at first from shock but then gritted my teeth and tried to take deep breaths in and out. It was searing and I could smell the flesh burning. I tried to make as little noise as possible, but it was unbearable. I’m pretty sure I could feel him smiling behind me as he branded me. What a sicko. He was enjoying himself. The world went black again and then there was no pain.
It was several days of being beaten and branded before it got to the point where I just didn’t feel it anymore. It was almost ritualistic. I anticipated it along with the same questions. I could feel myself slipping mentally. I started seeing hallucinations of Declan but every time I would go to touch him, he would disappear. I was starved and dehydrated. They gave me some water but not enough with the burns on my back.
Even through all the torture and pain, I was able to memorize the guard schedule. It was shortly after dinner and this is when I was allowed to sleep. I remembered from an old spy movie that you could get out of cuffs by dislocating your thumb. I decided to put it to the test. With my left hand I wrapped my four fingers around my thumb and started to pull it into my palm. I took a deep breath and kept pushing it until I felt it come out of place and heard a small pop. I hissed due to the pain and looked at the door and the guards didn’t seem to notice. I put the iron cuff between my legs to hold it while I pulled my hand out. It slipped through.
Hope.

*****6 months earlier-Riverrun*****

I didn’t want to leave, I wanted nothing more than for her to come with me but that would just put her in harm’s way. Jamie also promised to take care of her, and I knew he would. I wanted to look back at her, but I knew if I did, I wouldn’t go, and others were depending on me to make this trade agreement. If we wanted to be together, I had to get back to Fort James.
It was only a day when I saw a familiar face riding towards me, it was the old Scottish man, Murtagh.
“Declan!” he called out, “Jamie thought tha it would be good fer me to come wi ya tah fort James, lad.” He said
“Did Jamie send you to keep an eye on me?” I said with suspicion.
“Dinna fash lad, Jamie trusts yah plenty. Gov’ner Tryon pu’ out a warrant fer mah head. Also, I came tah give yah a message from yer lass, Jane, she wanted me tah let you know that she misses you an tha she hopes tha you will return soon.” Murtagh said with a bemused smile on his face.
“Hope you can keep up old man. We leave soon.” I said over my shoulder at him. As I turned away, I smiled as Jane’s face flashed in my mind.
“well, then aftahr you me laird” He waved his hand forward.
I rode ahead. Travelling to Fort James was for the most part easy; some winter storms delayed us, but we managed to get there without any hiccups. We took backroads to avoid any British patrols. Murtagh and I would swap stories over the campfires and over the months became fast friends. We finally made it to Fort James just over of 3 months. It was odd being back home after everything that had happened, but I was eager to get business taken care of so that I could return to Jane. My mind often wandered to her. The NWC had gotten hold of Fort James and taken it over. However, I was still a wanted man by the HBC and the British in general, so we made ourselves as scarce as possible. We found where Michael and Sokanon were staying and made our way there. Fort James was flourishing, and I was proud. There were lake walkers roaming the streets and plenty of European workers as well. We passed by the Ale house and my heart sank as the memory of Grace flashed through my mind. I knew what I had given up, but I had to. What Grace and I had couldn’t be. It was too bloody to ever be something.
We walked into the old Governors’ house and saw Michael and Sokanon in the parlor. She was pregnant. That was a surprise.
“Declan!” Michael said and came in for an embrace.
“Michael” I said as I bear hugged him.
I looked over at Sokanon beaming as I knew I was going to be an uncle.
“Sokanon, when did that happen?” I said excitedly.
“about 2 new moons ago. I look and feel like a cow” She said with a grimace.
“Looks like you guys worked things out huh?” I said teasingly to Michael.
“She’s been like this fer tha past mont now” Michael said ruefully
“Don’t worry it will pass. She is just angry that she can’t do anything.” I said comfortingly.
“I can do things!” She yelled back at me.
I laughed.
“Who’s this then?” Michael said eyeing Murtagh.
“This is Murtagh. He’s the God father to James Fraser the man I went to go meet in the colonies. He’s going to be helping with the trade. He is trustworthy.” I said with a hand on Murtagh’s shoulder.
“Pleased to make yer acquaintance Murtagh. I’m Michael Smyth.” Michael said holding out a hand.
“Please tah be meetin’ yah Michael Smyth.” Murtagh said shaking his hand.
“How has the trade and production been going?” I said looking over at Michael.
“It’s been good, the Browns, Carruthers and Grant have been cooperating and keeping their end of the bargain going. How were the colonies? Will you be stayin’ long?” Michael said proudly
“That’s good to hear. Jamie wants to know if we can safely bring furs down to him. He is uneasy about my reputation so I’m wondering if you can come down with me to help me solidify this trade agreement. I need you there with me brother.” I said trying to entice him.
“Will I be back for the birth of my son?” He asked seriously.
“6 months total. You should be back in time, but we would have to leave in the week.” I said hopefully.
“Sokanon…” Michael turned towards her.
“Go, I will take care of things here.” She said encouragingly.
“It’s settled ten, I’ll go wit yah.” Michael said
“Good. We will leave in the next three days. We will need to bring merchandise as well. Make sure that we can bring at least 50 pelts. Murtagh and I are going to the ale house to get some food and drink.” I called over my shoulder as I was walking out.
“50?!” Michael said in disbelief as I shut the door.
Murtagh and I walked into the ale house and I saw Malcom Brown.
“Declan Harp as I live an breath. How were tha Colonies?” He said standing up with a tanker of Ale.
“Malcom Brown. The colonies bring much promise. This is a fellow Scot, Murtagh.” I said introducing the two men.
“Murtagh Fitzgibbons Fraser. Pleased tah see a fellow country man, Brun from the lowlands aye?” Murtagh said extending his hand.
“Aye, Brun from the lowlands, now Brown. A Fraser, From tha lowlands or tha highlands? From tha look o yah tartan I’m guessin highlands.” Malcom Brown said.
“Aye, of the highlands.” Murtagh said suspiciously.
“Did yah fight at Culloden?” Malcom asked seriously.
“Aye” Murtagh responded shortly.
I saw him put his hand on the hilt of his knife and I was ready to intervene if needed.
“A hero then, fuckin sassenachs ave been ruinin’ mah life since I was a wee bearn. But now we’ve got em’ by tha bollocks wi the union o’ all our companies. A drink fer tha hero tha started it all. FOR SCOTLAND!” Malcom said triumphantly.
I thought that Malcom was going to cause trouble since he had a short fuse but was relieved to find out he was joking with us.
Murtagh and Malcom were commiserating over a pint and Murtagh even shared some of his whiskey with Malcom. I saw a flash of red out of the corner of my eye and I knew it was Grace. I could feel her gaze piercing through me the moment I walked in. I was hoping to avoid this, but I knew it had to talk to her. The last time I saw her was in Scotland after I had slit Benton’s throat. I remember her telling me to go so I could get a head start as Lord Fisher has promised me. It was like leaving Jane. Bitter and painful. It was the day I realized that what we had could not be. I followed Grace to the back room so we could have some privacy.
“I havenah seen you fer a year! Wi no werd and yah come in here like nothins changed! Wha happened to yah? You look different.” She looked suspiciously at me
“Grace…” I said expecting her to be upset with me.
“NO, I don care fer yer excuses. Everywhere you go trouble follows yah. You were given a chance tah run but you insist on takin down the HBC still. Wasn’t Benton enough?” She said angrily.
“Grace, it’s not just me wanting to take down the HBC anymore. There are other people to consider. Together we will take the HBC down. We’ve taken Fort James and they aren’t going to get it back.” I said trying to reason with her.
“They are bringin an army Declan. You will no win.” Grace said with an annoyed look in her face.
“Don you understand. I canna bear tah lose yah again. Why would yah come back and put me through tha?” She said hugging me fiercely.
“Grace, I have to tell you something.” I said nervously, pulling her away from me.
“What is it?” She said suspiciously.
“I met someone else…in the colonies” I said as calmly as I could.
“Who is she?” She pushed me away I could see the hurt in her eyes, and it hurt me, but I couldn’t lie to her.
“Her name is Jane, but Grace, just listen to me…” I tried to keep speaking but she interrupted me.
“NO, I will no’ listen, Wah am I supposed tah think?” She said turning away from me.
“Grace, I didn’t want to lie to you, but you know we would have never worked. Our past is too bloody. We both deserve something better.” I touched her shoulder.
“You’re too scared tah give us a chance. You’re a coward Declan Harp and I’ll never forgive yah fer it.” She spat back at me as she turned around pulling away from my hand.
“Grace, I’ll always love you and I’m sorry to hurt you like this, but I know I’m meant to be with Jane.” I said surrendering to her anger.
“How do yah know?! She must be tha bonniest lass. You put your prick in her an now she’s yer one true love?! She’ll nere’ have wha you and I have. I took care o’ you, I was there fer you when yer wife and child died. I married a horrible man tah set you free! I was captured becos o you! Mah father died because o’ yer vengeance fer Benton!” She yelled back at me.
“That’s not what happened with Jane and me! This is why we can’t be together. You have so much hate and resentment towards me.” I said my temper rising at the insult she made.
“I could have forgiven you Declan. I want nothin more than tah be wi you! I wouldah scorched tha earth fer ya, but no. You couldnah even try.”
“I did try Grace! I went to fucking Scotland for you! I have lost friends because of you! Don’t you fucking tell me that I didn’t try!” I yelled, grabbing her by the shoulders and pushing her up against a wall. I was furious at that she would say something like that. She knew how to hurt me, and it was working.
She began to cry and I held her face to wipe away the tears.
“Please Declan we can go. We can leave all o this behind.” Grace pleaded with me.
“Grace, I’m sorry. I am grateful for you and what you have done for me and as I said I’ll always love you. There is just too much hatred and hurt in our pasts for us to be together.” I looked deep in her eyes. I wanted her to know that I was telling her the truth. There was love for her in me but just not that kind of love.
“Go then, leave me again. Don expect me tah be happy fer you.” She said bitterly.
I didn’t want her to be bitter. I didn’t want her to be so hurt, but I needed Jane. I needed her to be mine.
“Grace, I love her. I can’t just walk away from that. I hope that one day you’ll understand.” I said heading towards the main area to get Murtagh.
She turned her back to me and I walked out. I was relieved that I told her, but it still hurt to see her so upset.
“Murtagh lets go and get some rest.” I said as I walked up to the two men.
“Oh aye. Tis been a long journey fer us.” He said, slurring a bit.
“You’re drunk.” I said with a smile.
“Oh aye, He’s has a bit o whiskay tha he’s been sharin.” Malcom said just as drunk.
“Alright, old man let’s go. Back to the big house.” I helped him up and threw down some coins on the table and helped Murtagh stumble out.
We made it back to the house and I plopped Murtagh into a room and I went to the room I was staying in. Sokanon was waiting in the room.
“You are not the same as before.” She said concerned.
“You’re right. I’m not. I found someone Sokanon.” I said taking my jacket off and getting ready to sleep.
“I knew you seemed more at peace when I saw you. It was strange, but I think, this is what my sister has always wanted for you.” She said smiling at me.
“I think you will like her. She is strong like you and is a kiyôtêw and a doctor.” I said grinning.
I couldn’t help it Jane brought that out of me. Sokanon came over and pulled my forehead to hers.
“It is good to see you again brother and I’m happy that you are finally at peace. Goodnight” She said sweetly.
“You too.” I said back.
She walked out the door and I relaxed. It was as long journey and day. I sank into the bed and it was strange being in an actual bed and not the ground. I welcomed the strange feeling. It was nice to be warm and not have to worry about waking up with snow all over me in the morning. My mind drifted to Jane and then to sleep.
The next few days had passed quickly, and I went to the ale house and little as possible as to give Grace space. I also needed the space so that I could get everything in order to return to Frasers Ridge. Murtagh went to Montreal with Malcom to go see his brother and take care of things for the company. Michael and I got the wagon loaded up and the horses watered.
“6 monts right Declan?” Michael said worry in his eye.
“I promise, you won’t miss the birth of your child.” I said reassuringly.
“Bring him and your kiyôtêw back home where you belong.” Sokanon said to me with her face set in stone. As usual.
“I will. My word is good.” I promised Sokanon.
I turned to the wagon and let Sokanon and Michael say their goodbyes. Michael got on the horse and we were off back to the colonies.
“Do you think that this trade will help us over run the HBC?” Michael said hopefully
“If we can take the colonies, we can wipe out the HBC that’s their last support. There is a lot of anti-British sentiment going on too. I think they might secede.” I said confidently since I knew that they would be in the next five years according to Jane.
Michael smiled and I could see the wheels turning in his head. We travelled along the same route that Murtagh and I took. It was uneventful which was my hope. I didn’t want this route to be compromised and lead back to Jamie’s family.
Michael caught me up on all the events that I missed. He told me about how Carruthers and Grant were involved in the company. How they took Fort James. I was proud. He had grown to be a strong leader in my absence. I apologized for leaving him and Sokanon for so long and told him about how I met Jane and that I would be bringing her back to Fort James with us. He waved it off and understood that I needed to go for Grace and was happy that I found Jane. He told me about the illegal slave trade of the native women that O’Reilly was behind it all. Sokanon and Mary were putting it to an end and had killed O’Reilly as well. Apparently innocent Mary was a tough girl now. Sokanon had trained her and when Sokanon got pregnant Mary has been taking care of the issue on her own. I was impressed and happy that something was being done about it. One less thing for me to worry about.

******Three Days Earlier-Road to Frasers Ridge******

Over the months the snow had gotten pretty bad, but we were headed into spring which caused more problems like mud, but we had managed to get through it. We were delayed a week due to all the issues, but we finally made it to North Carolina. We had managed to make it back to River Run and Jocasta let us stay the night and gave us directions on how to get to Frasers Ridge. It was another 3 days and we made it to the road that lead to Jamie’s house.
“The Americas seem like a good place to settle down.” Michael said
“They do but not for people like me or Sokanon.” I replied
“Do they not treat the native tribes down here well?” Michael asked surprised by this.
“No. They do not. This place will be the death of my kind.” I said remembering what Jane told me about what happens to the Cherokee and the Navajo, pretty much all the great tribes.
“Well ten. Let’s get this business on wit and go back home.” Michael said anxiously.
We got to a circle of cabins and I saw Jamie working on smoothing a piece of wood on a bench plane.
“Jamie!” I called out hopeful to see Jane come out of one of the cabins soon.
He looked up and smiled and waved to come closer.
“Declan I’m glad tah see yah well. And who are you?” he said embracing me then looking towards Michael.
“It was a long journey, but I brought what I promised. This is Michael Smyth. He is a partner in the fur trading company.” I said as I put my hand on Michael’s shoulder.
“Pleased to be meetin yah sir.” Michael said shaking his hand
“As it is you. I’m James Alexander Malcom Mackenzie Fraser and here comes mah wife Claire Fraser and our adopted son Fergus.” Jamie said as he spotted Claire coming up the way with Fergus.
The expression on Claire’s face was solemn. Jamie noticed immediately and went over to receive her before they got too close.
“Sassenach, whas tha matter?” Jamie said concern growing.
“Jamie, it’s Jane. She’s been…she’s been captured.” Claire said with anguish.
“Fergus, Wha is tha meaning of this?” Jamie said with angrily.
I walked over quickly after hearing Jane’s name.
“What happened to Jane?” I said menacingly I could feel my heart pounding.
“Eet was supposed to be eh simple job m’lord. We were taken by surprise. I followed ze wagon and she was taken to Brunswick. As soon as I found where she was, I came straight away” Fergus said ashamedly.
“You said you would keep her safe!” I said as I grabbed Jamie by the collar and lifted him slightly off the ground.
Michael grabbed me and Fergus Jamie and pulled us apart.
“I DINNA KNOW NOR DID I CONDONE SUCH ACTIONS, FERGUS! How could you endanger her like tha?! Yer own sister!?” Jamie yelled.
“Fergus is it? I’ll have your head for this!” I shook Michael off and went after the French man and was intercepted by Jamie.
“DECLAN! Dinna punish tha lad!” He said as he tackled me to the ground.
“STOP IT! THIS ISN’T GOING TO SOLVE ANYTHING!” Claire yelled
“YOU GAVE ME YOUR WORD THAT YOU WOULD KEEP HER SAFE!” I managed to get on top of Jamie and punch him in the face. He managed to grab a log and hit me on the side of my head, and I fell off of him. He scrambled up holding his nose and then there was a pistol at my head. His daughter Bree was holding in.
“I’M SORRY! I failed yah, but lemme try and get her back. I will no’ fail you this time. Mah werd is mah bond” Jamie said holding his nose to stop the bleeding.
“Dah, you alright?” Bree asked not taking her eyes or the pistol off me.
Jamie nodded and she pulled back the pistol.
“And if you can’t get her back?” I said through my teeth glaring at Bree and Jamie.
“We will get her back. She’s mah daughter. I would do anything tah get her back.” Jamie said with conviction.
“We leave tonight for her” I said authoritatively
“Aye, we will get her back if it’s it is tha last thing I do” Jamie nodded, and they all went back into the larger cabin and Fergus to his own.
“Well tat went well. So much fer a hot meal and bed tonight” Michael said breaking the silence.
“Get ready for war” I said over my shoulder to him as I walked towards the wagon to unhitch the horses.
******Present Time-Jail Cell in Brunswick******
I managed to get my right hand free by finding a rat bone. It wasn’t hard it was just a simple pin system. God if they only knew about the locks of the future. Well lucky for me they didn’t. I used my newly freed hand to relocate my thumb and then searched for a weapon of some sort. I was slow moving as the burns on my back were not healing due to lack of nutrition and water. There was the chamber pot and it did have a handle on it, and I smiled at the thought. Death by chamber pot ha! I needed something lighter and not as disgusting. I went over the bucket they kept water in and drank as much as I could. God it felt good. I took my shirt off and soaked it in the water and then put it on backwards and tied it tight, in the front, so that the shirt clung to my body. The cold wet cloth hurt at first on the burns but then quickly turned into a soothing sensation. I went over the cabinet and found the iron pokers. I could feel them searing on my back and I winced a little. Phantom pain. I quickly shook it off and then hide to the side of the door. There was a commotion the men were yelling and then gunshot.
“SHE’S GONE!” one red coat yelled as he peered in the door.
“Open it up and find her! She can’t have escaped!” Another yelled further away.
I heard the soldier fumbling with the keys. My heart rate went up and I could feel the adrenaline coursing in my system. I held tight to the poker and thought about where to put it first. The door opened and the red coat walked in and I hit him over the head with the poker first he fell to his knees and I jabbed the poker between his clavicle and scapula down through the lungs and to his heart. I could hear the gurgle of blood rise through his trachea and before he could make a noise he was gone. I let go and peered out the door with another poker in hand. The other soldier saw me and took a shot. It nearly missed my head and I barely had time to close my eyes to prevent shrapnel from getting in them. I quickly rubbed my eyes to remove the dirt and he was already running towards me with his bayonet ready to stab me I leaped out of the way and slammed the door on his arms, and he released the rifle. He pushed his way in and lunged after me. I dove out of the way and sprang up on my feet like a cat, Jamie had taught me that, he came after me again and I threw the poker, like a javelin, at him and it hit him in the shoulder and went through his shoulder and lodged itself halfway through.
“JANE” I heard Declan scream in the distance.
I ignored it; it was probably another one of my hallucinations. The soldier screamed and I saw the chamber pot and without thinking about it I grabbed the handle and swung it at his head as hard as I could. I heard a crack of his temporal bone and he was down. I dropped the pot and sat for a moment to catch my breath. I looked up and there was Declan in the doorway. I looked away and closed my eyes.
“no, you’re not really here. You’re not real. Go away.” I said to myself as I had many times before.
I opened my eyes and looked at the doorframe; he was still there.
“kiyôtêw, I’m here.” The figure said walking towards me.
I crawled away as fast as I could towards a corner. I hated my mind for doing this to me now. I clutched my head massaging my temples, pulled my head to my knees and was taking deep breaths in and out. I just needed to clear my head and I would walk right out of this prison. Then I felt something that I hadn’t felt in a long time.
I felt him, touch me.

******Two Days Ago-Road to Brunswick******

It took us two fucking days to get to Brunswick. Jamie was going to try to reason with Lord Tryon. I knew that it wasn’t going to work and told him to distract Tryon as long as he could while Michael and I found Jane and sprung her from jail. Apparently, Jamie was in Tryon’s good graces, some would even say favor. For someone that fought against the red coats for so long he was their dog. It sickened me how he jumped for them. I lost some respect for him, but his trade was a means to an end.
“I’ll meet you back at Frasers Ridge when I’m done here.” Jamie said before we got to the estate gates.
I looked at Michael and then nodded at Jamie.
“We will get her back.” Jamie said to me
“If we don’t there will be nothing left of this place.” I said back to him icily.
Jamie grimaced at that thought and rode through the gates. Michael and I turned to the tavern to find out where they were holding her. We waited outside of the tavern and eventually saw a red coat stumble out. Michael and I followed him to the dark alley where he was going to either vomit or take a piss. After he was done doing his business, we grabbed him.
“OY! Whas tha meaning of this!?” He yelled outraged by the disturbance.
“Hello dog, where are they keeping the regulator prisoner?” I said holding a knife to the mans neck.
“Wha? Oh the pretty one…Whas it to you?” He said eyeing me with drunk and with suspicion.
“That’s not your concern. Why don’t you worry about the question that I just asked.” I said ready to cut him down.
“Jus tell us where she is and you’ll nere see us again” Michael said worried that I was going to kill him on the spot.
“50 shillings and I’ll tell yah” The man said bargaining with me.
“How about your life and you tell me” I said pushing the blade a little bit more.
“Alright, alright, Just trying to look out for me self here. Can’t blame a man for tryin to be profitable in this time.” He said slurring some of his words.
“Talk” I said
“You’ll be findin her in the basement of the garrison.” He managed to spit out through pauses of drunken recall.
“How do we know he’s not lyin to us?” Michael said concerned.
“He’s too drunk to remember us. Right buddy?” I said patting his chest.
“Les go get an ale boys! Another round on me!” He yelled putting an arm around both me and Michael.
“Oh right.” Michael said sheepishly
I knocked the man out and set him down on the ground against the tavern. Michael took his coat and untied the coin purse. I laughed, once a thief always a thief. He weighed the bag in his hand, and it sounded like there was a bit but not much. He grimaced, shrugged and pocketed it anyway.
We got to the garrison and It wasn’t guarded too heavily but we didn’t know what the inside was like. With Michael in disguise it should help keep the alarm down. He walked up to the gate and started to make conversation with the guard in the front and eventually the guard was convinced he was being relieved and left. He signaled that the coast was clear, and we walked in. It was night fall so it wasn’t hard to hide in the shadows of the complex. Michael would make sure it was clear for me to go and would signal me to go. We opened the door to the basement and walked down the stairs. I ran down towards the noise and Michael close behind me. We came upon a group of four men playing cards on a barrel. Quickly I threw two knives at the further ones and Michael took one on and managed to wrestle a pistol away and shoot the man. I swiftly sliced the other soldiers throat and kicked him to the ground. We heard a gunshot from down the hallway, and I ran towards it I knew it would lead me to Jane.
“JANE” I called out.
There was no answer. The hallway led me to a private cell. I could hear two people struggling in there and when I opened the door, I saw Jane in tattered clothing hit the soldier over the head with a chamber pot with a resounding crack. He fell to the ground and was dead. Then she dropped the pot and sank to her knees. I could see she was in bad shape; she could barely stand. My heart was pounding. I held my breath waiting for her to see me. To look at me. She did but it’s like she looked through me like I was a ghost.
“no, you’re not really here. You’re not real. Go away.” She said out loud.
My heart dropped into my stomach. She was delirious.
She looked back up at me again and had a look of anguish.
“kiyôtêw, I’m here.” I called out and moved to touch her.
She crawled away quickly towards a corner. Clutching her head, balling up and breathing heavily. I managed to get close to her to kneel next to her.
Then I reached out with a hand and touched her.

******Present Time-Garrison Prison of Brunswick******

I jerked away. It was like being burned again and I gasped. The hand retreated. I looked back and still saw Declan. Could it really be?
“How? Are you? Is it really you?” I said in disbelief.
I could barely get a sentence out. I reached out with a shaky hand and touched his face and I felt skin and beard under my fingers. It was him. He was really here.
“kiyôtêw…” he said with hurt in his eyes.
I summoned all my energy to grasp his face and kiss him. I had to make sure it was really him. It was. I felt relief wash over me and all I could do was pull him tighter by the collar of his jacket. He hugged me back fiercely. It hurt when he touched my back, but I didn’t care I wanted to kiss him forever. It finally got too painful and I pulled away and cried out.
“What’s wrong?” He asked a little panicked.
He pulled me forward and looked at my blood seeping through the back of my shirt.
“Who did this to you?” He said I could hear menace in his voice.
“Barlow…Captain...Barlow” I whispered out.
“I’m gonna kill him. Michael get her out of here…” He said as he was helping me up.
“No…please…just take me away from here…” I choked out holding tightly to his arm not just out of support but also because I didn’t want him to leave me for fear of never seeing him again.
“ok. I’ll stay with you.” He said
“Declan, we have tah leave now! Those gun shots will attract tha others.” An irish man called into the cell.
Declan wrapped me up in his fur coat and scooped me and started running out. The light of each lantern showing Declan’s face. I couldn’t help but stare in disbelief. We finally made our way outside of the Garrison and I felt the cold air hit my face. I looked up and saw the sky for the first time in a couple of days. I took a deep breath and reveled in the cold fresh air. I heard gunshots but didn’t have the energy to respond. I knew I was safe with Declan. It was all a blur after that, I just remember feeling the familiar gallop of a horse under me and Declan’s arms around me and him whispering something Cree into my ear.

Chapter Text

A day passed by and I could feel a fever starting. I had a systemic infection from the wounds on my back. I knew I had to get to Claire soon or else I would go into septic shock if untreated. I tried to eat and drink water, but I couldn’t keep any of it down. It was hard to breath and every time I did it was a shaky breath due to the cold. I knew I was going downhill and fast.
“where’s dah?” I asked in a raspy voice.
“Dah? You mean Jamie? He’s a day or so behind us. He was distracting Tryon for us so that we could get you. Don’t worry about him, just rest.” Declan said in a soft tone.
Michael has built a fire and Declan set up a bed roll by the fire and set me down on it so that I could warm up. I was hoping to break the fever, but I knew I needed some sort antibiotic. Too bad IV’s and medications weren’t a thing yet. Perhaps Claire could make something up, I knew she was experimenting with bread mold to make penicillin. I laid down on my side to get some sleep; I was so tired from my body trying to compensate for everything all the while fighting off an infection, it was just too much for it to handle. I felt Declan lay down behind me and wrap his arms around me I loved feeling his body by mine. I don’t’ think we’ve stopped being near or touching each other since Brunswick, It was the only thing keeping me going. I put my hand over his and immediately surrendered to the sleep my weakened body was aching for.
I awoke on the second day to familiar trees and smell of mountain air; I knew I was home, Frasers Ridge. We were back on the horse. I didn’t remember him picking me up and putting me on the horse. I felt a little embarrassed as I hadn’t been able to do much without Declan’s help. I looked over at the irish man that was with us. Michael was his name.
“Thank you, Michael.” I managed to say with a weak voice.
“No trouble at all Jane, I’m just happy tat we got ya back in one piece. Fuckin red coats nearly killed ya. Whadya do ta deserve tat?” He said spitting on the ground.
“I tried to steal money and give it back to the poor.” I said jokingly.
“Ohhhhh I see you’re tryin tah be like Robin Hood?” He said in jest back.
I laughed but started coughing furiously. God I the infection had spread to my lungs I needed to get to Claire soon.
“Hold on kiyôtêw we are almost there.” Declan said has he urged the horse to a full gallop.
Everything was whizzing by and making me dizzy. I closed my eyes to stop the nauseating feeling that came from the rapid movement. We finally came to a halt and Declan hopped off and gently helped me off. I could barely stand. He scooped me up and started walking towards the big house.
“Jane!” I hear Claire yell from the doorway.
Declan stopped and she ran over to me I could smell the familiar scent of lavender that she always wore. I smiled.
“Mom” I said wearily
“Thank Christ you’re alive…you stupid girl, you should have stayed put. Now look what you’ve gotten yourself into!” She scolded me with tears in her eyes.
I knew she didn’t mean it she was just worried about me.
“Mom, I’m sorry I just wanted to help.” I said tearing up.
“Get her to the surgery over there. I’ll take care of her. Do you know what happened?” She said composing herself and switching her demeanor to be more Doctor than mother.
“She has burns on her back, but she told me to leave the shirt she had on over them and not redress them.” Declan replied as they walked over to the surgery together.
“Set her down on her stomach and you can go. Bree and I have got it from here. BREE! I need you to bring me clean towels and dressing and get some water boiling. Fill that basin with cold water from the reserve barrel and bring it over here. I’ll need the Laudanum to sedate her and we will get started on the debridement.” Claire barked to everyone.
“I’m staying with her” Declan said firmly as he lay be face down on the table. He grasped my hand and I squeezed back.
“Declan. Go. This is an awful procedure. I don’t want you to see my like this. I’ll be fine. Claire is an incredible surgeon.” I said smiling up at him.
“kiyôtêw…” He said full of concern.
I squeezed his hand again.
“I’ll see you soon. Go get some food and rest…please?” I said struggling to not cough.
He hesitated but nodded. He bent down ran a hand though my hair and kissed me.
“I’ll be here when you wake up.” He said with conviction.
“I can’t wait.” I said softly.
He got up looked at Claire. She nodded and then he was out the door.
“Drink the Laudanum. You won’t want to be awake for this.” She said with worry in her eyes.
“I know I’ve worked on burn patients before.” I said after I took a big swig of it. I could feel it working and everything got hazy and I was out….or I thought I was…

I woke up or at least I thought I woke up, but everything was different. I was back in my house and I could hear my alarm going off and cars outside my window. The feeling of the memory foam mattress, Egyptian cotton bed sheets. All the familiar pictures around me. I looked over at my bed stand and there was my cell phone alarm going off and I hastily touched the “stop” on my screen to turn off the alarm. Had this all been a dream? Everything felt so real. Was I really back in my own time?
I got out of bed and felt the familiar carpet under my feet. It all felt real, but my brain could just be firing off these old synapses to make it seem like it was all real. The brain is a powerful engine that way. I heard someone in the shower, and I felt panic. I lived alone how could someone be in my shower?
I slowly got up off the bed and grabbed the gun case and opened it to get the 9mm I had under the bed for circumstances like this. I slowly walked over to the bathroom door, turned off the safety and cocked the gun, and pushed the door open. When I peered in, I couldn’t see the face of who I assumed to be a man in the shower, but he seemed familiar. The glass doors were fogged over with steam so I couldn’t quite make out any distinct features.
“he-he-hello?” I said nervously
The figure looked back towards me and then turned off the water. The towel, my towel, draped over the top was pulled down and the figure wrapped it around his waist and opened the shower door. I put both hands on the gun and had it pointed downward ready to pull it on the stranger if needed. The man stepped out and I couldn’t believe it, it was Declan.
I went slack jawed. This had to be a dream. I had never seen Declan nor anyone that looked like him before in 2019. How was this possible?
“Hey babe, are you ok? Are we having a fight that I didn’t know about?” he asked looking warily at the gun.
“I uhhhh….no..I forgot that you were in there.” I said stammering out of sheer confusion.
“Well then let’s put betty back where she belongs then.” He said taking the gun from me and turning the safety back on. He walked over to the safe opened it and put the gun back in.
“How do you have access to that?” I asked seeing if my brain would be able to compensate for this memory that I never had.
“Uh you gave me access when I moved in weirdo. Remember? Man did those whiskey shots last night mess you up or something?” He said confused.
“I just ummm….” This was odd my brain was really turning the imagination factor up.
“Hey, it’s ok whiskey gets the best of all of us sometimes, but you gotta hurry we are going to be late to have brunch with the family and you know how your mom gets about being on time.” Declan said as he came over to me and gave me a wet hug.
I could feel the water on his skin, and I could feel his warmth. I could hear a heartbeat.
“yeah ok…” I said staring out the window in disbelief.
“Hey babe…” He said
“Yeah?” I said snapping out of my trance.
“I love you.” He said grinning that shit eating grin of his.
“I love you too.” I said smiling back.
He disappeared into the closet and I started to question myself. Maybe this was real? But it seemed like it was too good to be true. How had I lost this much time? I was very curious, but plesantly curious.
We had both gotten ready and it was actually a beautiful fall day. I decided to wear a knit sweater tunic, leather jacket with some skinny jeans and ankle high boots. Declan looked like a lumber jack hipster with his burgundy flannel on and navy blue down vest to go over it. Boot cut jeans and timberland boots and a dark grey beanie to top it all off.
It was odd feeling the synthetic fibers on my skin. How was my brain recreating this all? Not to mention the fact that I could feel myself putting on eyeliner and mascara. The scent of my Burberry perfume. This had to be real right?
I walked downstairs into my kitchen and Declan was making coffee in my glass pour over. He handed me a warm mug. Black with two sugars just the way I like it.
“Coffee, God I don’t know how they did it before it was invented.” He said then taking deep sip after.
“Coffee has been around for a while love.” I said matter of factly.
“Right? It basically runs the world now second to coal.” He said smiling.
“you’re not wrong.” I said bemused.
“Hey finish that up we are going to be late remember?’ he said excitedly
“ok. Ok. What has gotten into you?” I said taking one last sip of the brew before setting it down on the counter.
“It’s not what had gotten into me babe, it’s who I’ve gotten into” He said spanking my butt.
My face went red and I took a towel and threw it at him
“perv!” I yelled.
He caught the towel and gave me a devilish grin. "you asked" he teased. We both went down to the garage and I saw a Harley parked in the garage next to my truck. He grabbed two helmets and passed one to me.
“Uhh…can’t we take the truck?” I asked uneasily
“You love riding the bike. It will be faster too c’mon” Declan said making a sad puppy face.
“ok…” I said taking the helmet from him and putting it on reluctantly.
I got on the back of the bike and held on to him. I felt the engine start and the motorcycle rumble under us. Then we were off. The wind felt exhilarating, crisp and cool. I recognized the familiar streets and signs. We were going to my favorite brunch place downtown and I was excited to get some B&G’s.
We arrived and got off the motorcycle. I took off my helmet and handed it to Declan to store. I shook out my hair and started to walk in. He grabbed my hand and pulled me in for a kiss.
“I thought you said we were late.” I teased kissing him again
“You know when you shake your hair like that it drives me crazy.” He said in a husky voice.
His hands snaked down to my butt and gave it a hard squeeze. I giggled and pulled away.
“stop someone will see!” I said a little embarrassed.
“kiyôtêw, you know I can’t resist.” He said holding his hands up.
“kiyôtêw?” I said curiously
“Yeah it’s my nickname for you. I’ve called you that for years now silly.” He said confused that I was questioning it.
I thought it was odd because I wasn’t technically a visitor from far away anymore. I stopped. This couldn’t be real, but God I wanted it to be real. I wanted this all to be real because he was here, and we were back in 2019. No wars, no fur trades. No long journeys away from each other. Everything I have ever wanted here.
We walked into the restaurant and Declan waved to a table. I followed the direction of his wave and there were the Frasers, my family. My jaw dropped.
“Mo, nighean, nas fhaisge air do bheul tha thu coltach ri iasg” (God nighean, close your mouth you look like a fish) Jamie teased.
“Duilich Dah.” (sorry dah) I stammered out of shock. How was everyone here?
“Jane, come sit you look quite pale. Are you alright?” Claire asked concerned.
“I’m fine I just need some water.” I said quickly taking a seat for fear I might faint.
“Here” Bree said passing me a glass.
I took a huge sip and could feel the cold liquid calm my nerves. The remainder of the meal was…well…normal. We talked about current events. Claire’s practice in Boston. Dah’s whiskey distillery back east as well and how the family was delighted to be on vacation in the west. Bree was working on some engineering project in New York and Roger was teaching at NYU. Jemmy was happily eating his oatmeal with his hands and getting it in his hair. It was so surreal being surrounded by the people I loved in 2019. It was too good to be true it had to be my imagination. After everyone had finished their meal things got quiet. I looked around and everyone was looking at me and Declan.
“what? Do I have something on my face? Or in my teeth?” I covered my mouth and immediately started to tongue my teeth to get anything that may have been stuck, out.
I felt Declan get up and take my hand and I stood with him.
“Are we leaving?” I said unsure about what was going on.
He now had both my hands in his.
“kiyôtêw, Jane, being with you has been the happiest I have ever been. I cannot imagine my life without you and I’m not good at speeches so I’m just going to get straight to it.” He said nervously.
“Oh God…” I whispered my eyes as large as saucers.
“Will you marry me?” He said suddenly getting down on one knee.
I put my hands to my mouth and gasped as he opened a ring box. I my heart was racing, and I started to feel the world spin a little. I grabbed onto the table to keep from falling but felt my vison start to tunnel.
“Jane?!” I faintly heard Declan yell as I started heading for the floor. Then everything went black.

I opened my eyes and inhaled sharply. I looked around but things were still blurry, but I could smell pine trees and crisp mountain air. I knew it wasn’t real. I started to groan out of frustration. I hated my brain for being such an asshole and making that dream so vivid.
“kiyôtêw?” Declan said walking over with a cup of water.
I was laying on my stomach and I pushed myself up and sat up slowly on the edge of the bed. The bandaged wrapped around me made it hard to move. Declan handed me a cup and I took it gratefully from him and drank it all. My vison cleared and realized that we were in the shelter at Frasers Ridge.
“Are you alright?” He said softly and taking the cup from me.
“I think so…still a little pain but not feeling sick anymore. How long have I been asleep for?” I said groggily.
“Almost three days.” Declan said worried
“what?” I said feeling a little shocked.
“Claire said your mind needed time to heal that’s as why it took so long.” Declan said remembering his time after he was tortured by Benton. His time in the canoe to the north.
“You were here the whole time?” I said curiously.
“not the whole time. I’ve been meeting with Jamie to smooth out some details about the trade. He has agreed to help the NWC. Claire has also been in and out redressing your wounds” He said as he sat next to me on the bed.
“I’m glad for you. I missed you.” I said touching his face. I needed to touch him.
“I missed you too kiyôtêw.” He said putting a hand behind my head and pulling me close for a deep kiss. I returned the kiss and crawled up into his lap. I needed him. After that dream I needed him bad. My hands in his hair and around his neck. He was careful not to touch my back. I took off my shift that I was in. The bandages made my chest look like a mummy, but I didn’t care. I could still feel the cold air hit my nipples and they raised. I broke the kiss and pulled his shirt over his head and unbuttoned his britches. I don’t remember how but he managed to push them down. We locked lips again and he was kissing me like it was his last day on earth. I could feel him already hard against me. I ached for him and was wet with desire. I reached between my legs and touched him he groaned, and it sent electricity through me, knowing that my touch made him react that way. My hand barely fit around the width of him and I gently guided him into me. It was like the first time again. He was stretching me to almost the point of pain, but it felt so good.
“Declan” I moaned as he fully entered me.
I threw my head back and gripped his shoulders. He had a hand carefully on the back of my neck and the other on my hip. I started to grind against him aching for movement. He moaned as I slid up the length of him and sank back down.
“kiyôtêw, God, you feel so good” He then latched a mouth on to one of my breasts that had managed to get free of the bandages and I inhaled sharply. My hands in his hair holding him fast to me. I pushed him down onto the bed and I started to ride him faster and he bucked his hips up hard into me. His hands gripped my hips and I arched my back to sink down on him deeper. The heat between us grew and grew. I could feel the sweat between us grow. His hands roamed my body and I reveled in his touch.
“kiyôtêw, I’m going to…fffuck…I can’t hold on much longer…” He said gritting his teeth
“Yes, God, yes…Declan…Please I need you” I said breathlessly.
I could feel him getting close and I was too. I sank down on him hard and he gripped my hips tighter and threw his head back and let out a deep moan. I felt his warmth spread through me like wild fire. I felt my release mixing with his inside me and I shivered and collapsed on top of him out of breath. I could feel his heart racing, mine was too. I raised myself up a little to look into his eyes.
“I love you.” I said softly.
“I love you too Jane.” He said brushing a strand of hair out of my face and he kissed my forehead.
I smiled and rested my head on his chest listening to his heart. It was midday and I knew that we couldn’t stay like this forever. Also, I wanted to see the family. I waited a bit, cleaned myself up and then got up and started to get dressed.
“Are you sure you should be getting up?” Declan said getting up as well and putting his clothes on.
“I need to move around so that I can heal faster. I’ve done enough resting.” I said too tired to explain how blood carries oxygen and nutrients to tissues to help promote healing.
I struggled with the shirt and Declan came over and helped me pull it over my back. I tucked it into my britches.
“can you help me with this too please?” I said sheepishly with the shawl in my hand.
He nodded and wrapped me up in the shawl.
“Oh, I have something for you.” I said remembering that I needed to return something to him.
I walked over to the trunk on the other side of the shelter and opened it. I brought out the knife Declan had left with me at Riverrun almost 7 months ago.
“Here.” I said walking back over and handing it to him.
“Thank you for keeping it safe for me.” He said as he looked down at it and smiled.
“It’s the real reason you came back right?” I said teasingly
He smiled knowing that I was joking and nodded
“I guess I’ll just go then.” He said mockingly walking towards the door and putting the knife in his belt.
“Hey!” I said chidingly but knew he was joking too.
I grabbed him by the arm. He turned around and pulled me in and kissed me. I felt his hands snake down my waist and to my butt and squeeze. I giggled and enjoyed feeling him touch me.
“You know why I came back.” He said close to my ear.
His breath on my neck sending shivers down my spine.
“stop that. We just barely got done with that.” I said surprised by his advances. I figured it would take him at least 10 mins to recuperate.
“Later, I want to see my family” I said pushing him away blushing.
We finished dressing and then we walked out of the shelter. I blocked my eyes from the sun and looked around at the familiar circle of cabins. I was home. I spotted Jamie nailing the foundation of the new guest cabin together.
“Dah!” I exclaimed out of excitement.
“nighean!” He said as he got up and dropped the mallet.
I was so happy to see him, and he had the biggest smile on his face. We walked briskly over to each other and I hugged him hard. He was careful not to touch my back but didn’t let that stop him from holding me tight. He kissed my head and pulled away and looked me up and down with concern. I couldn’t stop smiling.
“I’m ok Dah.” I said comfortingly and he smiled in response.
“nighean! Tapadh le Crìosd tha thu nad dhùisg (Thank Christ you are awake). Tha mi duilich gun do dh'fhàillig mi thu (I’m sorry I failed yah)… Bha còir agam do chumail sàbhailte (I was suppose tah keep yah safe). An urrainn dhut mathanas a thoirt dhomh a-riamh? (Can yah ever forgive me?)” he said with a guilt-stricken face. I saw a glint of tears in his eyes.
“Dah, chan e do choire-sa a th ’ann (It’s not your fault). Thagh mi a dhol leis na riaghladairean (I chose to go with the regulators). b ’e mo cho-dhùnadh, mo roghainn (It was my decision, my choice). feuch nach cuir thu a ’choire ort fhèin (please do not blame yourself).” I said holding both of his hands firmly in mine.
“I was so worried you wouldnah wake, nighean. Your mother will be pleased tah see yah up and about. Come tah the big house we’ll get you something to eat an drink aye?” He said with a hand on the side of my face.
We all made our way to the big house and when we entered there was Claire in her rocking chair attempting to knit. And Bree with Jemmy on the floor. God, he had gotten so big!
“Jane!” Bree exclaimed standing up and coming over to hug me.
“Ouch” I said as she touched my back on accident.
“Oh! I’m sorry I forgot I am just so happy to see you awake.” She said with a huge smile on her face.
“no the burns don’t hurt. I think you may have broken my back” I said half joking it was quite a big hug.
“Bree, some of us want a turn too.” Claire said teasingly.
Bree moved embarrassed that she was holding up the line and Claire came and hugged me.
“Mom…I’m sorry I worried you and thank you for everything.” I said hugging her back hard.
“No need to thank me silly girl. You’re my daughter I’ll always take care of you.” She said holding me carefully and close.
“Wait…What’s happened? Why are you back? Where is the militia?” I asked confused by their presence. Last I heard they would not be back till late spring early summer.
“Lord Tyron has been able to identify other leaders of the Regulator groups and has called off the warrant on Murtagh until more troops from London arrive.” Claire said looking back at Jamie
“Oh, well that means Murtagh can come back, right?” I said hopefully
“not exactly, nighean, it is probably best if he stays in tha north in Fort James for a while longer” Jamie said with a sullen look on his face.
“Never you mind that, Jane you need to eat something to keep your strength up.” Claire ordered.
“Oh yeah it’s been a bit since I have had any solid food. Let me see my nephew first.” I said looking to Roger who was holding Jemmy.
I reached out for him and Roger handed him to me, and I held him. God he was huge. It was like he grew double in the few days I had been gone. I looked over at Declan and I saw him smiling with sadness in his eyes. I knew it was because he was remembering his wife and child that he had lost. I felt bad that I had reminded him of that, so I kissed Jemmy on the head and gave him back to Roger.
We all sat down to a midday meal. Bread, fruit, cured meats and cheese. My mind flashed back to my dream and being at brunch with everyone. I shook my head and came back to reality.
“Fergus is alright?” I asked remembering that he was with me when it happened.
“Yes, he’s fine but after Marsali found out she threw him out of the house for a bit. They have made up since then.” Bree said with a smile.
“oh, good I’m glad. I would feel horrible if he was hurt in anyway.” I said ashamed a bit for not being more careful.
“kiyôtêw, are you ok?.” Declan said putting his hand on mine. I smiled back at him grateful that he was there to get me out of there.
“I’m so sorry if I worried anyone.” I said blinking away the tears and taking a deep breath.
“Mo nighean, dinna fash. You are home an safe wi your family. That is all that matters. Slàinte!” Jamie said raising his mug of ale. We all raised our mugs and drank.
I was beyond bliss to be home and with Declan. After the meal Declan and I went for a walk. I needed to get some fresh air and wanted to get away from being inside. We walked to where the edge of Frasers Ridge ended and where the Native lands started. Declan seemed nervous to ask me something.
“Penny for your thoughts?” I said pretending to hold out a fake coin
“What’s a penny?” He said with a look of confusion.
“It’s a type of coin that is brown. I believe that the British call it a pence?
He then realized what I was talking about, but then his face fell to concern again.
“Declan…what’s wrong?” I said feeling uneasy about what he was about to say.
“kiyôtêw, I want you to come back to Fort James and the north with me.” He said stopping at the foot of the large trees that lined the Frasers land.
“Really?” I said surprised and relieved. I thought he was going to try and dump me or something.
“Yes, I don’t want to be without you again for so long. Also, after what happened and what is to come, I want you out of harm’s way.” He said
“Yes. Of course, I’ll go with you.” I said smiling but then I remembered I would be leaving my family behind for quite sometime. My face fell a bit.
“We will come back to bring furs down to the Frasers, so you’ll see your family time to time.” He said seeing the concern on my face.
“I know but Dah will not like it either way. You know how he is. Family first” I said in a mocking Scottish accent. Declan laughed. It was nice to see him laugh genuinely.
“It isn’t going to be an easy life with me.” He said pulling me closer to him.
“I know, but at least we will be together.” I said wrapping my arms around him and feeling his warmth.
It was nearing nightfall, Declan, Jamie and Roger went to the stills to check on the whiskey. I went to the big house to help Claire and Bree prepare dinner. It was like old times and I was grateful to have some normalcy in my life.
We all gathered around the long table and ate and laughed it was peaceful. After dinner we all had some whiskey and were talking about the future.
“Dah, mom.” I said nervously reaching out and grabbing Declan’s hand.
“aye, nighean” Jamie said raising an eyebrow as he knew I was about to tell him something that he wasn’t going to like.
“I’m going to go north with Declan…” I said steeling myself for the Scottish fury that I was expecting.
“We know.” He said solemnly.
I was shocked. I thought he was going to put up a fight, but I guess with everything he had been through with Claire. He understood.
“We knew you were going tah go wi him. We knew it from the moment he came back. We hate tha lose you so quickly aftar we have just gotten you back. But we ken that you two belong together. Just like Claire and I belong together.” He said looking lovingly at Claire.
“Thanks for understanding Dah.” I said feeling relief that he understood.
“I ken that you’ll take care of her Declan just remember she has a home here wi us too. T’would be nice to see her every so often.” Jamie requested of Declan.
“If that is what she wants then I’ll make sure it happens.” Declan said looking over at me.
“of course, I’ll come visit. I promise to write as often as I can too.” I said feeling silly that Jamie even had to ask.
“a bheil e a ’dol gad phòsadh?” (Has he promised to marry yah?). Jamie asked me seriously
“Dah! tha e ro thràth airson pòsadh” (Dah! It’s too soon for marriage) I replied blushing.
Claire, Roger and Bree all looked at each other smiling. Declan was clearly uncomfortable and cleared his throat.
“Is there something I missed?” He asked a little irritated.
“Nope, don’t worry about it. Dah is just being rude.” I said throwing him a glare.
“So, when are you leaving?” Bree said sadly
“We should leave as soon as it is safe for Jane to travel.” Declan said
“I should be ready in the next two or three days.” I said so that we could have a firm timeline.
The table fell silent as we knew our days together were numbered.
“well it’s getting late and Jane you need your rest.” Claire said abruptly.
I could tell she was upset.
“mom, don’t be mad.” I said
“I’m not mad darling. I… it’s going to be difficult not seeing you as often. You better come visit.” She said choking up a bit. I got up and walked over to the back of her chair and knelt down between her and Bree and hugged them both.
“I love you too.” I said softly.
We pulled apart from each other Claire and Bree wiping their eyes with their skirts. I was lucky to have these strong women in my life.
“Off to bed with you now. I’ll be over to you shortly to change those dressings” Claire said in her doctor voice.
“Yes Dr. Fraser, Goodnight everyone.” I said rolling my eyes a bit but still smiling.
Everyone said their goodnights and Declan and I made our way out of the big house and back to the shelter. I threw the shawl on the trunk and started to untuck my shirt out of my britches. I felt Declan come over behind me. He helped me lift the shirt over my head and threw it where the shawl was. He pulled me back to him careful of my back. He started kissing the side of my neck while on of his hands cupped one of my breasts. I moaned.
“Declan…” I said breathlessly
“yes, kiyôtêw.” He said hungrily running his tongue up my neck.
“Claire is going to be coming in soon.” I said reaching back and putting a hand in his hair and urging him to continue.
“We better hurry then.” He said as he slid a hand down the front of my britches and successfully finding the slick wet folds between my legs. I gasped. I unbuttoned my britches and managed to kick them off. I felt him pull away for a moment while he undid his britches and dropped them slightly. He bent me forward slightly towards the wall and put a hand on my waist and used the other to guide himself into me. I spread my legs apart out of instinct as I felt him begin to enter me. I put both hands on the wall bracing myself. I slid into me with a groan and immediately pulled back and thrust hard into me. I cried out as I felt waves of pain and pleasure. He relentlessly thrust in and out of me while using his hands to roam the front of my body cupping, pinching pulling at my breasts. Every touch sending electricity through me.
“Declan…God yes. Don’t stop.” I whispered as to not have anyone hear me.
I came hard and I could feel it dripping down my thighs. He wasn’t there yet and kept thrusting into me like a mad man my climax continued. I could feel the walls of my sex convulsing around him each time he thrust into me.
“God kiyôtêw you are so fucking tight.” He said through gritted teeth.
I could tell he was close. His grip on my hip tightened he bent forward and softly bit the back of my shoulder then put a hand over one of mine on the wall; we laced our fingers together. With one final thrust deep into me and an audible growl I felt him climax. I loved feeling his warmth in me.
It was quite and the only thing I could hear was his breathing. We were interrupted by Claire’s footsteps. We pulled apart quickly. Declan adjusting himself. I threw on a shift and a log on the fire to mask any smells. I went over to the wash basin and started to clean myself we had made quite a mess.
“Can I come in?” Claire said knocking on the door.
“Yes!” I called back over my shoulder. I quickly finished cleaning myself and then turned around. Declan was grinning and I was blushing.
Claire stepped in with a basket of dressings and ointments.
“Are you alright? You’re quite flushed.” She said coming over to me and touching my forehead.
“Never been better.” I said trying not to laugh.
“No fever but…oh…” She said understanding what had happened.
“Go sit down and I’ll change your dressings.” She said with a sly smile.
I sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled the shift down through the neck hole down to my waist. Claire pulled off the dressings.
“Infections gone and looks like we have some granulation happening. We can probably leave the bandages off. Just put on this salve as needed. It has echinacea and lavender in it.” She said smearing some on over the burns carefully.
I winced a bit not from pain but from reflex.
“Still hurt? I can make you some willow bark tea for the pain.” Claire said worriedly
“I’m fine just a reflex you know?” I said my mind flashed back to my time at Brunswick.
I could feel Declan’s eyes running over the burn pattern on my back. Claire had finished and I pulled my shift back on.
“Thanks mom.” I said as I turned around and gave her a hug.
“You’re welcome darling. Sleep well and I’ll see you in the morning.” She said tucking my hair behind my ear. Even as an adult it felt nice.
Claire gathered her things and made her way to the door.
“Good night Declan.” She said to Declan.
“Goodnight Mrs. Fraser” He replied.
Claire left and it was just us again. He came over to the bed and gently pulled the shift back down again looking over the damage that had been done.
“Declan its ok. I’ll be alright. It probably looks worse than it is.” I said reassuringly.
“This never would have happened if I had just taken you with me.” He said guilt in his tone.
“Don’t start that” I said angrily. “Please can we just move past it?” I said turning around and pulling my shift back up.
“I’ll kill him. I promise you. He’ll pay.” Declan said with menace in his voice.
“Declan. It’s not worth it. Let’s focus on better things. Come on let’s go to bed.” I said trying to quell the anger in him.
He gave in and we got in bed and for the first time in many months I got to enjoy falling asleep in the arms of the man that I was in love with.
The next few days were busy as Declan, Michael and I were preparing to make our 3-month journey back to Fort James and then onto the lake walker tribe. Today was the day we were bound to leave. The wagon was loaded, and everyone had come to say good bye. I was sad to leave my family, but I knew that I would see them. I was determined to keep them in my life as long as possible. It was surreal on how close we had grown together in the 7 months, but I was so happy we did.
I gave Bree and Roger a big hug and held Jemmy for a bit and gave him a huge kiss which he pawed at my face to stop. Claire and Jamie had walked me to the Wagon where Declan was waiting.
“Do keep yourself out of trouble, will you?” Claire said teasingly
“I will if you two do as well.” I said back laughing.
They both smiled at this. They were just as good at attracting trouble as I was. Claire hugged me tightly.
“I love you dear girl. This will always be your home.” She said to me before letting me go.
“I love you too mom. I’ll be back to see you a few months.” I said comfortingly
“Keep eachother safe. Don't forget you guys are a team now” Claire said sternly to both of us.
“We will" I said and Declan nodded.
Jamie walked over to me and had letters in his hand and something else that was wrapped in a what looked like a sash made out of the Fraser colors. He handed it to me. I took it and unwrapped it. It was his silver brooch that he wore on his kilt during the gathering. On the face it had the Fraser crest with a ribbon across it that said “Je suis prête”
“Dah, I can’t take this from you it’s too important.” I said knowing exactly how much sentimental value it had.
“Please take it nighean, this way you’ll always have a part o me an us wi yah.” Jamie said taking my hand and putting the other over it.
“I’ll keep it with me always.” I said as he took it from me and helped me put it on.
He wrapped it so it crossed in front of me and pinned it so that it lay over my left shoulder. He took a step back, held me by the shoulders and looked me over.
“Perfect” I said looking down.
He nodded then embraced me like I was water in the desert.
“I’m so proud o you nighean. I feel as if I have known yah since you were a wee baern. Tha gaol agam ort agus tha mi gad ionndrainn.(I love you and I will miss you)” He said choking up a bit.
“tha gaol agam ort cuideachd Dah (I love you too Dah). Thank you for everything you have done for me and taught me. I wouldn’t be who I am without you.” I said tearfully.
We held each other in silence for a moment longer and then let go. I wiped my eyes and nose on my sleeve and Jamie did the same. He walked over to Declan and held out a hand. Declan took it and they shook hands.
“Declan, I’m trustin you wi a part of mah heart there. Safe travels an we’ll be seein’ you in tha winter wi the profits from tha furs.” Jamie said looking him in the eye.
“I’ll bring her home. I promise and I’ll be back for some of that whiskey too.” Declan said smiling back at him.
Jamie laughed and walked back to where the rest of the family was. Declan and I got in the wagon and we started to ride away. I looked back and waved, and I could see all five hands waving back. Claire was right. It is hard to leave the ones you love as much as it is to be left behind.

Chapter Text

The journey to Fort James went by faster than expected we managed to get there a week early because of the good weather. I got to know Michael a bit more. He started as a thief in London with a girl named Glena. In an attempt to rob a ship, he ended up on Benton’s ship and then came to Fort James. He was originally hired to trick Declan so that Benton could kill Declan, but then joined Declan in the fight against the HBC. It was very fascinating to hear the story from another perspective. He and Sokanon were expecting and I was excited to meet Sokanon as she was the only remaining relative to Declan. From what I was told, by Michael, Declan sounded like he was a different person before I met him. Michael had even said that Declan seemed less burdened. He didn’t know if it was from finally being able to avenge his wife and children’s deaths; or if it was because he had finally let go of Grace or if it was after meeting me. I felt an emotional pang in my chest at the mention of her name. I knew I shouldn’t have felt jealousy, but it was hard not to. After everything I had been told I was more angry than jealous, it was the fact that she had put Declan into so many compromising situations because of her own greed and ambitions.
Declan and I were starting to figure things out as a couple, both of us had been alone for so long that having another person around was different. It was getting easier to understand his silences and his expressions. There were moments where I knew he was shutting me out and that is where our fights would stem from, but they wouldn’t last long. We would eventually calm down and get over it.
Most of our nights were spent sleeping from the long days of travel, but we would find times to get away from Michael to be together. It was exciting sleeping under the stars all the time, but the nightmares of Captain Barlow would wake me before I could get a full night’s rest, so it was hard to get good sleep. To keep myself busy and my mind off of the trauma I spent a lot of time looking for herbs and other medically useful plants along the way. Claire always taught me to be on the lookout. I had a healthy collection to the point where I took up a bit more of the wagon than Declan liked.
“do you have to collect so many plants?” Declan asked a liitle annoyed as I put some more echinacea into a ceramic jar.
“The next time you have achy joints you’ll thank me.” I said back to him ignoring his tone.
“This is the third time we have stopped, Jane.” He said trying to reason with me.
“I’m sorry I just need to stock up before Fort James so I can help those that are hurt or sick.” I said smiling at him making puppy dog eyes to win him over.
He looked at me and grinned and then rolled his eyes.
“alright c’mon get in we should be at the Fort in a couple of hours.” He turned back to face forward. I got in next to him and we were off.
It was the afternoon and I could see that we were approaching the gates to Fort James and I spotted Murtagh chatting with another man who I assumed to be Scottish as he was wearing a red and black tartan. I jumped off the wagon and ran to him.
“Murtagh!” I called to him.
He turned and smiled and opened his arms wide ready for an embrace.
“Jane! Aren’t you a sight for these sore old eyes! Look at tha sash on yah! You’re a real Fraser now!” He said hugging me tight.
“tha e math d ’fhaicinn, a bhodach (it is good to see you, old man)” I said to him.
“Ohhhh a ’bruidhinn ’Ghàidhlig a-nis. Tha mi air mo ghlacadh (ohhh speaking Gaelic now. I’m impressed) ciamar a tha an teaghlach? (how is the family?)” He asked eagerly he was hungry for any news from Frasers Ridge.
“Tha iad a ’dèanamh gu math, tha Jemmy gu math mòr a-nis is gann gun urrainn dhomh a thogail! (they are all doing well, Jemmy is huge now and I can barely lift him!) Tha litrichean agam bho Dah dhut cuideachd (I also have letters from Dah for you)” I said cheerfully.
“tha thu nad fhìor bheannachd lass (you’re a true blessin lass.)” He said with a hand on my shoulder.
“Murtagh, cò i agus ciamar a tha fios aice air a ’Ghàidhlig? (Murtagh, Who is she and how does she know Gaelic?)” the other Scottish man asked Murtagh.
“is e m ’ainm Jane agus dè tha sin cudromach (my name is jane and what does that matter?).” I said back to the man sharply.
“maitheanas , Is e m ’ainm Malcom Brown; Cha robh mi a ’ciallachadh eucoir sam bith ach bha mi dìreach fiosrach (Pardon me, My name is Malcom Brown; I didn’t mean any offense I was just curious.)” He said holding his hands up in surrender.
“Tha mi toilichte coinneachadh riut Mister Brown (pleased to meet you mister brown).” I said back politely, remembering that Malcom was a partner of the NWC.
He nodded back but I could still see that he was suspicious or curious about me. Declan had caught up and gotten off the wagon. Murtagh and Declan embraced, and it made me happy to see Declan get along with at least one Fraser.
“I’m going tah ride to tha house ta see Sokanon. I’ll meet ya ter” Michael said as he rode off on his horse past the gates and beyond my sight.
“How was the journey to tha colonies?” Malcom asked Declan.
“It was good, Malcom have you met Jane?” Declan asked
“Aye, I have. I am surprised tha a woman of her kind speaks Gaelic. Wherdya find her?” Malcom asked curious
“I’m right here you know. You can just ask me; he doesn’t speak for me.” I said annoyed that I was being treated like a secondary person.
“Well then Miss Jane, how did ya come tah be here?” Malcom asked with some attitude.
“My father is Jamie Fraser, He’s the one that will be helping with the trade in the colonies.” I said challengingly.
Malcom looked at Declan confused.
“You asked.” Declan said plainly
“Aye I suppose I did. Mixing business wi pleasure, again are we? Fuck good lot that will do fer us.” Malcom said rolling his eyes at Declan.
“What is that supposed to mean? Declan said with a tone of annoyance to Malcom.
“Oh it right nearly fucked us las time now didn it?” Malcom said angrily
“I suggest you don’t talk about things you don’t understand.” Declan said stepping closer to him.
Murtagh stepped between them facing Malcom
“Jane is mah kin, dinna insult her or you’ll have me tah deal wi not only Declan but wi me.” Murtagh said to Malcom staring him down.
“Aye, I mean no insult I just am worried about her being a distraction.” Malcom said waving a hand towards me.
“I’m perfectly capable of handling myself Mr.Brown. If do distract Declan I assure you that it will never about the fur trade. We have far more interesting things that don’t require discussion.” I said back with a wicked smile.
Malcom frowned and Declan and Murtagh laughed.
“Let’s make our way into town.” Declan said to me and proceeded to get into the wagon.
“Sounds good, Murtagh, here are the letters” I said going to the wagon and retrieving the letters and handing them to him. He nodded in thanks.
“Murtagh, Malcom.” Declan said as we pulled away from them.
“He’s lovely.” I said sarcastically to Declan when we were far enough away from them.
“He’ll grow on you he’s just rough around the edges.” Declan said smiling.
We were riding through town and people were staring at us. I didn’t know if it was me or if it was Declan.
“why are they all staring?” I asked finally asked quietly
“People in this town don’t like strangers. It’s never ended well when new comers arrive.” He said eyes forward trying to ignore the stares as well.
“I see. I’m sorry if I’m causing any trouble for you.” I said understanding but feeling a little uneasy. I scooted closer to Declan as I didn’t feel safe.
We rode up to a large white house on a hill overlooking the town. I had to assume that this is where the former governor of Fort James used to live.
“Are we staying here?” I asked curiously
“Yes, this is the headquarters for the NWC. Currently Michael and Sokanon live here and Malcom and the other partners take the guest rooms when they visit.” Declan said to me looking at the house with disdain.
“This place must be hard for you to come back to.” I said grabbing his hand and squeezing.
He looked down at where our hands met and then at me with concern.
“I’m right here with you. I promise I’m not going anywhere.” I said putting a hand up to his face and smiling, hoping to reassure him.
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep kiyôtêw.” He said pulling his hand from mine and then he turned and got off the wagon.
“ok...” I said flatly.
I was annoyed that he said that to me! of all people! I hopped out and went to the back of the wagon. I angrily grabbed my pack and trunk of herbs and medical tools that Claire had let me take. She reassured me that she could replace them. I could feel his gaze following me.
I walked past him silently towards the door.
“kiyôtêw…” He said trying to stop me.
“what?” I said exasperatedly turning quickly and looking at him angrily. We stared each other down for a moment.
“Nothing…” he said annoyed and walked past me to the door.
I was furious how dare he be annoyed with me! He left me for 6 months and I waited for him and he thinks that I’m just going to walk away from him now?! What a fucking idiot. I have been patient and understanding for the past 9 months, and I was at my wits end. I fucking chose to stay in the past for him. Did he not realize that?! I had, had it.
“WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!” I yelled after him
He turned around and briskly walked towards me.
“Keep your voice down, kiyôtêw.” He hissed through his teeth.
“OR WHAT?!?” I said dropping my things on the ground and crossing my arms, looking at him defiantly.
“Do not do this right now. Let’s go inside and talk about this.” He said trying to keep his temper in check and pointing towards the door.
“No, I am going to do this now! You’re being an ass! Do you think you are the only one that has suffered?! I have suffered too! I have the fucking scars to prove it! Don’t you dare think that after all I have been through that I am just going to walk away!” I said glaring at him.
“kiyôtêw…this is NOT the place to do this.” his face suddenly becoming serious.
Our spat had attracted the attention of Michael and he came out.
“Everythin alright ter Declan?” Michael asked curiously
“it’s fine, she’s just being a woman.” Declan called back looking down his nose at me.
“EXCUSE ME?!?, it is not fine, and I am not being a woman at all! How dare you dismiss me like that! You fucking Neanderthal!” I yelled pushing him away from me.
I felt Declan grab my arm roughly and pull me close to his face.
“Fucking cunt!” Declan yelled face close to mine with rage in his eyes.
I looked into his eyes defiantly I could see him realize what he had just said. It turned into instant regret. I pulled my arm away from him, gathered my things and marched up to Michael.
“Where is the room?” I asked Michael trying to compose myself.
“ummmmm….O just up tha stairs and to tha left.” He said a little stunned at what he just saw.
I left Declan in the front of the house sulking. I don’t think anyone had really spoken to him that way. I was so angry. I got up to the room and dropped all my stuff on to the floor. I went straight for the bed and laid face down. I buried my face into the pillow and screamed. I felt a little relief but still was irritated with our fight. I have never been so angry in my life. I am very collected and calm with conflict, but something about Declan just made me so much more emotional, is this what being in a relationship was like? I needed to go for a walk to clear my head.
I gathered some things into a small satchel and headed out the door. Dah found a way to sneak some money into my bags and I was grateful as I didn’t have a job. Claire also gave me some sound advice to start getting a reputation as a healer or doctor in town and then work my way up back to surgeon. I had seen how people flocked to her in Frasers Ridge and I knew I needed to do so in Fort James since this was going to be a regular stop for us. That is if Declan would just get over his pride and apologize to me. I knew we both needed time to cool off before that would happen. I had managed to make it to town and looked around for the butcher. I knew the best way to have a civil conversation with Declan was over a meal.
I was getting odd looks from folks in town I guess they hadn’t seen an Asian person before but this far north during this time was rare or maybe it was the britches. I kept my head down and did my best to get around without attracting too much attention. I was walking through the main road and then saw someone carrying another man through the gates.
“HELP! HELP! He’s hurt!” the man yelled.
I rushed over.
“I’m a doctor. What happened?” I asked as I got to the wounded man.
“we were out trappin furs when a beaver came out and bit em in tha leg. Then he just started bleedin like a stuck pig!” The canadian man said frantically.
I saw we were near THE ale house. I grimaced but knew that would be the only place I could get clean cloth and access to the things I needed.
“We need to get him into the ale house now.” I said tying a tourniquet over the injured man’s knee.
I put the injured man’s other arm around me and helped his friend carry him in to the Ale house. My stomach tightened as I knew I would probably meet Grace, but I didn’t have time to think about that I needed to clean and look at the damage and the possibility of having to reset a bone. We came through the doors and everyone turned and looked at us.
“Clear a long table! Help us get this man on it.” I ordered.
Men at the far-right table cleared away and helped us get the injured man on the table. He was in and out of consciousness and I knew I had to ask fast.
“Christ woman wha are you doing?” came the familiar sound of Malcom Browns voice
“I’m saving his life! I need hot clean water and clean cloth here!” I yelled back looking at the deep gash and protruding bit of tibia from it.
I put my hair up with a pin quickly to keep it out of the way. It looked like the tibialis anterior muscle had been lacerated along with the anterior tibial vein and artery. The vein I wasn’t worried about as there was still the posterior vein to carry the blood away, but the muscle and artery were a different matter. I also noticed that the tibia was fractured and out of place as well. I didn’t know if he would have dorsi flexion of his foot since the damage to the muscle was so great. He would walk with a limp, but it was better than losing the leg. There was so much blood and I couldn’t get a clear field of vison.
“Here is tha hot water an clean cloth ya asked fer. Who might you be?” Came a Scottish woman’s voice.
I froze. I didn’t even need to turn around; I didn’t want to turn around. I knew it was her.
“Thank you, I’m a doctor and I’m trying to save this man’s life.” I responded over my shoulder trying to keep my anonymity.
“Doctor or no, yer gettin blood all over mah ale house so I’d like tah know who is responsible so I can get reparations fer tha damage an cleanin.” She responded with a lot of attitude.
“My name is Jane Fraser, I’m a doctor, here is coin for your time and space. Do you mind if I help my patient now?” I said icily back as I reached into my bag and pulled out some silver coins and put it in her hands.
I saw the look of shock in her eyes when I told her my name. She frowned and took the coins wordlessly; then let me get back to my work.
“Malcom, can you go back to headquarters and get my medical kit it should be in a small brown bag with a red cross on it.” I instructed
“Do I look like Declan? Wha makes yah think you can order me around.” He retorted.
“Magairlean! (bollocks!), For fuck sake! This man’s life depends on it. I’m asking you as a friend.” I said pleadingly.
“alright but dinna blame me if I dinna come back in time.” He said reluctantly.
I soaked cloth in the hot water and wrung it out over my patients’ leg to wash away the blood that was preventing me from seeing better. He yelped in pain.
“I’m sorry, someone get this man some laudanum or whiskey!” I called out to anyone that would be willing to help.
Grace came by with a bottle of brandy and tilted the patients head back and helped him drink it. I looked up at her and we had a silent moment of understanding. Our problems with each other didn’t matter we needed to work together to save this man’s leg. I kept cleaning out the wound and ordering the servers to get me more clean cloth and hot water. I could see the break in the Tibia and knew I needed to set the bone to prevent more bleeding. I checked to make sure that the tibial and the deep fibular nerve were out of the way. Last thing we needed was a pinched or severed nerve.
“You! I need you to hold him down and I need you to hold tight to his thigh.” I pointed to two men. They stepped into place immediately.
“Grace, I need you to get him something to bite down on when he wakes from the pain.” I said quickly.
She pulled her belt off and put it in between his teeth. She looked up at me and nodded signaling me that she was ready.
“Alright everyone hold on tight.” I wrapped a cloth around the foot and pulled while pressing and guiding the bone back into place with the other hand. I heard a crunch and the bone fall back into place. The man woke and screamed in agony. I heard a thump from the crowd. Someone had fainted, I put it in the back of my mind to make sure to check and see if they had a head injury.
“Jane?” I heard Declan.
I whipped around surprised that he was here.
“what are you doing here?” I asked confused as I did not ask for him.
“Here.” He said holding my medical bag out to me.
“Thank you.” I said taking it from him with a bloody hand.
I smiled at him, silently letting him know that I was sorry, he smiled back, and I knew everything was ok and that we would talk later. I saw him look behind me at Grace and his face changed to an expression of guilt. I didn’t want to look back at her to see her longing for him, I didn’t have to I could feel it. I returned to my work immediately as I didn’t have time to deal with him and Grace and whatever love triangle bull shit was going on. I pulled a brown bottle of alcohol out and drenched the wound in it. The man awoke crying out again and biting down hard on Grace’s belt. I pulled out the laudanum and handed it to Grace.
“Give him a good serving of that.” I ordered.
She took the bottle and poured a generous amount into his mouth. I continued to work and needed to suture the muscle and artery back together after cutting away the infected area. I used the sutures Claire had made out of deer guts on the muscle as I knew they would dissolve. Once the muscle and artery were situated, I started in on the skin. I cut away the part where the bite initially had been with a sharp knife, didn’t have a scalpel, to prevent any infection there as well. I took away some of the fat so that I could create more surface area for when I had to suture the skin back together.
“I need more light I can’t see a damn thing.” I called to anyone that would help.
I saw Murtagh come by with a candle close to me.
“Tapadh leat (Thank you).” I said smiling up at him.
“s e do bheatha lassy (You are welcome lassy) you are so much like your mother. No afraid of gettin in tha muck.” he said encouragingly.
“I hope to be half the surgeon she is for Fort James.” I said earnestly.
I began approximating the wound and suturing it together. After the sutures were in, I cleaned the site again with alcohol and then proceeded to bandage it up.
I finished and washed my hands and turned around and saw everyone watching me. I felt really nervous as I was only ever used to med students watching and not a whole audience.
“As you were” I said annoyed.
Everyone went back to conversation and the ale house came back to life. I looked around for the man that came in with my patient and I spotted him.
“You, what is your name? and do you two live near here?” I asked him.
“My name is Simon Cunningham mam and thas my father Matthew Cunningham; we live outside of the fort.” He said squeamishly because he had just seen me sow his father back together.
“You two should stay at a room here for at least a week. I want to be able to check in on him and make sure that this doesn’t get worse.” I said careful not to use terminology that would confuse him.
“We have little money mam I’m not sure we can afford a room here.” He said glumly.
“Don’t worry about it. I will take care of the cost.” I said to him smiling and putting a hand on his shoulder.
“Thank you, mam.” Simon said gratefully.
“You are welcome. Just make sure that he eats soup, nothing solid for a week. Plenty of water and I’ll be by to change the bandages daily and bring some willow bark to make a tea for the pain. For now, here is some laudanum for the first few days as he will be in quite some pain.” I instructed Simon.
After I had finished giving instruction to Simon, I quickly checked on the man that fainted and he was fine. Then I went to go take care of the elephant in the room. I walked to the back as that is where I saw Grace go after the surgery was over. I walked through the door way leading to the backroom and she turned and looked at me with no emotion maybe a slight tinge of annoyance.
“Here is some money for his stay and food.” I said putting the silver coins on the table between us.
“Thank you.” She said back shortly
“I’m sorry that these are the circumstances we have to meet under, but I’m glad you were here to help with the surgery.” I said trying not to be awkward. I turned to walk out.
“He loved me first. I don’t know wha yah did tah him, but he’ll come back tah me yah know. I dinna ken if it is love or if yah are a witch but I swear tah God if yah hurt him I’ll kill yah.” She said seriously.
I smiled feeling sorry for her. She had to rationalize him leaving her as my doing not because he wanted to. That I needed some spell or something to lure him away from her. I turned back around and looked her in the eyes.
“I didn’t have to do anything but love him Grace. I understand that it may be hard for you to see him with someone else, but you’ve done enough damage. Also don’t make threats you can’t keep.” I said coolly back.
“You dinna ken him like I do. You’ll nevahr know him like I do and it’s no threat thas a promise.” She said smirking thinking that she has been successful at hurting or scaring me away.
“You’re right I don’t know him like you do, but that’s because he is a different man with me. I know we don’t like each other, but we will be seeing each other so we might as well get used to it.” I said in a firm tone.
We stood there staring each other down then Declan came in.
“What’s going on here?” He asked unsure if he was going to have to intervene.
“Nothing just chatting with our gracious ale house owner and compensating her for the man’s stay while he heals.” I said to him with a smile and taking his hand as a small sign of possession.
“are you alright?” he asked worried that Grace had said something, looking deep in my eyes.
I nodded and walked out; Declan turned to followed me out.
“Declan” I heard her call out.
We both stopped and I turned and looked at him. He looked at me as if he was waiting for permission. Afraid that if he went to her I would leave him.
“Go” I said with a smile, knowing that he wanted to talk to her.
“Are you sure?” he asked surprised at my reaction.
“yeah. I trust you. You aren’t that mad at me, are you?” I said jokingly.
“I could never be mad enough to do that to you kiyôtêw” He said smiling.
I smiled back and squeezed his hand.
“come back to me ok?” I said with a weak smile.
He nodded and smiled back. I turned and headed towards the door out of the ale house. I didn’t like the idea of them being alone together, but I also knew that she was once an important part of his life. I couldn’t deny that. I made my way out to the main street and inhaled the fresh air and exhaled. It was afternoon and I knew I needed to get things done quickly. I quickly made my way from shop to shop getting what I needed to make dinner for tonight. I finally got home, and I was exhausted from the events from today, but it was rewarding knowing that I saved a man’s life today. I smiled at the fact that I still got it.
I went to the kitchen and saw Michael and a native American woman, who I assumed to be Sokanon, with him.
“Oh, Michael. It’s good to see you. Hello, my name is Jane.” I said pleasantly waving at Sokanon.
She didn’t respond. I was warned that she was very skeptical of new people, especially when it came to Declan, so I just brushed it off and went about my business. I unpacked my groceries and started to prep for dinner.
“Where’s Declan?” Michael asked curiously
“He’s at the Ale house speaking with Grace.” I said hopefully masking the worry in my voice.
“oh.” Michael said knowing their history and awkwardly sat down in silence.
“what are you doing?” Sokanon asked me suspiciously
“I’m making dinner. Would you two be interested? I have enough for everyone.” I said hoping to entice them into conversation with food.
“I’m starving.” Michael said eagerly
Sokanon remained silent and kept looking curiously at how I was cutting the veggies and meat. I continued to prep the beef bourguignon that I was making. I opened the wine and poured the whole bottle in and Michael looked at me like I was insane.
“Don’t worry I have another. I actually have some of Dah’s whiskey if you’d like a dram” I said reassuringly.
“I would love a dram. Sokanon you have to try some of it. It’s fantastic.” Michael said excitedly
“actually, it would not be wise to not drink any since you are with child. One drink is equivalent to 20 for the baby since it is so small.” I said hopefully to prevent any injury to the child.
“how do you know this?” Sokanon said defiantly
“I have seen it when a mother drinks through her pregnancy when I was learning to become a doctor.” I said trying to avoid future terms like research and statistics.
“well I guess tan, it’s better tah be safe tan sorry” He said looking sympathetically at Sokanon.
There was some silence between us all as I kept preparing the food.
“Why is it so harmful?” Sokanon piped up.
It made me happy that she had an inquisitive mind.
“well you know when you drink too much you get a headache and sick? It’s the same for your baby but worse because they are so little.” I said trying to simplify it, so I didn’t have to talk about things like metabolism and liver size and how alcohol is broken down into ammonia in the body and how it is toxic to the brain.
I saw the concept click for her and Michael and they both seemed horrified.
“That is why expecting mothers get water.” I said pouring her a glass of water.
I uncorked the extra bottle of wine that I had gotten and poured Michael a glass of wine and poured myself one as well.
“Well cheers to the new little one. You’re almost due right? By my guess 2-3 more months?” I said cheerfully raising a glass
“hopefully sooner, I am very excited to not be weighed down by this thing.” She said bitterly
I smiled sympathetically and Michael looked embarrassed that she said that.
“Sorry about tat. She doesn’t mean it.” Michael said worried that I was judging her.
“Don’t be sorry, it’s perfectly normal to feel the way she does. She is used to being more independent. I’m sure this was not a planned pregnancy.” I said reassuringly.
She looked surprised by my reaction and so did Michael.
“have you ever been with child?” Sokanon asked curiously
“no, I haven’t had the pleasure, but I have plenty of friends who have had children.” I said hoping to hold some credibility with her still.
It was dark now and I was getting worried about Declan. I heard someone walk in through the main entrance and I ran out to see if it was Declan, but it wasn’t it was Murtagh.
“Murtagh, you’re just in time. I made supper please join us.” I said walking up to him and giving him a hug.
“Smells wonderful lass, boeuf bourguignon?” He asked inquisitively
“Why Mr.Fitzgibbons you have a nose for French cuisine don’t you.” I said impressed.
“aye, did your Dah no tell you o tha time we spent in France?” Murtagh said slightly offended by my praise.
“He did but he told me about the fighting not the eating silly.” I said comfortingly
We made our way back to the kitchen and Michael was trying to sneak a taste.
“Hold it right there, Mr. Smyth! You’ll ruin it if you take that lid off” I said as I ran over and grabbed the wooden spoon out of his hand and smacked him on the hands with it.
“go on, back to your seat!” I said pointing with the spoon.
He retreated holding the hand I had smacked. Sokanon started to laugh and then the rest of us were laughing. Declan walked through the entrance to the kitchen and we all fell silent.
“what?” Declan asked defensively
“Nothing, just a joke, but it’s about time you got in are you hungry?” I asked to break the silence.
“yes.” He said shortly, he was hiding something, I could see it in his face.
He walked over and gave me a kiss I could taste the brandy on his lips. ‘They had, had drinks’ I thought to myself. I shook the dark thoughts of him and Grace together drinking and... ‘NOPE’ I thought mentally to myself.
“well good I hope you are hungry I made a lot. There is wine over there help yourself” I said trying to keep myself distracted from my wandering imagination.
He turned and went to greet everyone else and I turned back to the pot where the food was and put my feelings into check so that I could get through this.
“You alright lass?” Murtagh came over and put a hand on my shoulder.
“Yes, I’m fine I was just thinking. I’m really glad you are here Murtagh, it’s good to be around family” I said smiling back at him.
“oh aye, I agree lass I dinna ken I wouldah lasted much longer till yah got here. Twill be nice tah go back tah Frasers Ridge wi you too.” He said eyes full of longing for his family.
“I miss them too.” I said getting a little teary eyed.
I hugged him around his waist, and he wrapped me up in his arms. We had a moment to commiserate and then separated.
“kiyôtêw, is everything alright?” Declan asked as I was wiping my eyes dry with my sleeve.
“Yes, we are just missing everyone back home.” I said trying to be casual.
“I’m sorry.” He said solemnly
“don’t be. I’m happy to be here.” I said smiling up at him and touching his chest.
“oh! Shit, the food!” I said turning around and grabbing the towel and pulling the pot lid off. My panic subsided when I saw that the food was fine. I put the lid down and grabbed the wooden spoon and dipped it in to the liquid and blew on it and quickly took a taste. It was perfect. I was very proud. I noticed Declan was hovering over my shoulder smelling it. I scooped a bit more liquid into the spoon and blew on it to cool it off. Then I held it up to his lips. He looked at me for permission and I nodded my head. He took a sip.
“that’s good. I didn’t know you could cook so well. Where was all of this when we were travelling together?” He teased.
“you never asked asshole.” I snapped back in jest.
I grabbed the ceramic plates from the cupboard and started setting the table. Then I grabbed the pot and brought it out and set it in the middle. Everyone took their share and we started to eat. I saw Declan take a moment and look around at everyone then our eyes met, and I smiled at him. I put my hand on his. I could see happiness in his eyes to have people around him and not have to worry about anything. We all ate and chatted about the day. Murtagh bragging about how he helped with the surgery when he really didn’t do anything except for hold the light. I thought it was funny.
“Sokanon do you and Michael have any ideas about names?” I asked curiously
“Sîpiy” Sokanon said
“It sounds wonderful, what does it mean?” I said mystified by the Cree language
“River” Declan replied smiling at Sokanon
“That’s perfect” I said elated by the meaning.
“Thats what I said when I heard tha meaning as well.” Michael said beaming with pride.
“well how about some whiskey then?’ I said as I stood and gathered up the plates.
“Aye I ken a dram of your dah’s whiskey is tha right tonic fer this occasion.” Murtagh said helping me clear away the rest of the dishes.
I put the dishes in the sink then I went to the front room where the crate of whiskey was, and I grabbed a bottle of it and went back to the dining room. I uncorked it and poured a dram for everyone except for Sokanon, she wasn’t offended especially after what I had told her.
“To Sîpiy” I said with my glass raised
We all drank and kept chatting through the night. Sokanon warmed up to me and we were on our way to becoming friends. It grew late and Michael and Sokanon were the first to go up to bed.
“Lass tha was delicious. I havenah had beouf bourguignon since I was in France. I ken you are a better cook than your mother. I’ll sleep like a stuffed pig tonigh. Goodnight” Murtagh said as he got up, gave me a kiss on the cheek and then he went to his room.
Declan and I looked at each other and suddenly there was an awkwardness between us.
“I guess it’s time to talk about what happened then?” I said reluctantly
“about what?” He said looking down.
“what did you and Grace talk about? Or drink Brandy over?” I said bluntly.
It bothered me that he wasn’t just coming right out with what happened.
“kiyôtêw, nothing happened.” He said still looking down at his empty glass.
“Then why can’t you look me in the eyes and tell me that?” I said getting annoyed with this game.
“Because I feel guilty being happy with you. I just hate seeing Grace hurt.” He said finally
“Do you still love her?” I asked scared to hear the answer, but I needed to know.
“Some part of me always will love her but I have put that part of me in the past. I have moved on. Grace and I can never get past all the blood and resentment. We…we kissed…” He said reluctantly.
“There it is.” I said angrily getting up and turning my back to him.
I crossed my arms and stared out the window toward the ale house. I could see her putting her lips on his and all I could think of was how I could kill her. I had half mind to go down there and use the spare syringe given to me and put a little pocket of air in her arteries.
“Jane, I stopped her. It didn’t go further.” He said pulling me out of my kill fantasy.
“I’m sure it didn’t or else you would have been much later and missed dinner. Unless she’s that good in bed?” I said spitefully.
“I would never betray you and you know that.” Declan said turning me to face him. Hands on my shoulders firmly. He let me go frustrated and turned away from me, running his hands through his hair.
“I don’t know what to think Declan. The moment we got here you have been letting your past get in the way of everything. I don’t care what you did or what happened I just want you. All of you. No more holding back.” I said hugging him from behind.
He put a hand on one of mine on his chest. Taking deep breaths. He turned to look at me and when I looked up, I could see how conflicted he was.
“I can’t imagine what you are going through but I am not going anywhere. I will fight for you until my very last breath. Do you understand me Declan Harp? I am yours and here forever. I love you.” I said holding his face and putting my forehead to his.
I felt a surge of energy between us and he picked me up by my waist and kissed me passionately. I wrapped my legs around his waist, and he carried me over to the dining room table. He sat me on the table and was untucking my shirt up while our lips were still locked. I felt his tongue dancing with mine tasting the whiskey we just drank. I managed to get his belt off and was untucking his shirt. We broke apart so that I could pull his shirt off. I kicked my boots off, and I saw him kneel between my legs pulling at the waist of my britches then pulling them off completely. I laid back on the table and I heard him toss the britches to the side. I closed my eyes and felt him kiss the inside of my bare thighs making his way towards my warm center. I shivered at every kiss; his lips finally got to their destination. He lightly licked at first, teasing me and not giving me what I actually wanted.
“stop teasing me. Please.” I whispered out of frustration, still feeling shockwaves of pleasure with every connection he made with his tongue.
I looked down and he smiled and finally gave in to my request. He buried his face between my legs, and I cried out both out of surprise and as an extreme wave of pleasure rushed over me. My hands were tangled in his hair urging him to stay there until he drank every last drop of me. I didn’t care if the others herd us. I wanted him to take me then and there. He orally pleasured me until I climaxed. My body went relaxed momentarily, but I felt him kiss his way up my abdomen then to my chest and then my neck; every kiss giving me goose bumps. I wrapped my legs around his waist, sat up slightly and reached in-between us and touched him. He inhaled sharply when I touched him so spontaneously. My hand moved up and down the length of him; he moved closer to me. He was hard, and I loved knowing that I had that kind of influence on him. We locked lips again, he wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me closer and then sank deep into me. My cries dampened by his mouth on mine. I gripped the edge of the table to keep myself on. He ripped my shirt open to expose my breasts. He attacked one of them with his mouth and the other with his hand. I put one hand on the back of his head and the other on clutching his shoulder holding on as he relentlessly thrust in and out of me. I moaned loudly from the pleasure of him taking me in a public area. Claiming me. I laid back splaying my body on the table for him gripping the edge of the table above me as he kept thrusting in and out of me.
“harder” I begged as I was close to climaxing.
He complied and grabbed my hips and thrust harder.
“Yes! Declan yes! I’m going to…Declan!” I arched my back as I climaxed, but it didn’t stop there.
“Stay with me kiyôtêw. I want to feel you quiver again.” He commanded.
He kept thrusting and my body feeling shockwaves with each inward thrust and I moaned louder. I was soaking wet and could feel myself dripping down the sides of my thighs and drenching the table cloth. I felt his hand find his way to my clit and started rubbing it, I could feel myself building up to another climax.
“Yes, right there. Don’t stop.” I ordered.
“I can feel you getting closer” He said grinning.
“harder please.” I begged as I needed him to go deeper to drive me over the edge.
He grabbed the edge of the table and used it as leverage to drive into me harder. That was it, I couldn’t hold on any longer.
“Declan!” I yelled wrapping my arms and legs around him drawing him deeper into me, he climaxed too with a deep groan. I could feel my walls spasming around him, milking him as if I were sucking the very essence of him into me. I had never experienced a climax like this, but it took my breath away momentarily. I could feel his climax spreading through me deeper than before. We took a moment to catch our breaths looking deep into each other’s eyes, lovingly. He was everything to me and; I to him. He kissed me gently.
“it feels different this time” I said to myself.
“what does kiyôtêw?” He said as he raised himself a little and released himself from me.
I sat up and pulled my shirt closed then touched my abdomen where I could still feel his warmth.
“nothing” I said dismissing it. There is no way I could have felt THAT, I rationalized to myself.
He returned to collecting our clothes off the ground. Instead of putting on what was left of my clothes, I wrapped myself up in the table cloth. He laughed at this.
“I need to wash it and I don’t want to just leave it here for others to eat off of it.” I said grinning wickedly.
“that’s thoughtful.” Declan said smiling back.
We both went upstairs and got to our room. I dropped the table cloth and my ripped shirt onto the floor and bee lined it to the bed. I was exhausted and laid on my side. I felt Declan slip in behind me and wrap an arm around my waist and pulled me tight so that our bodies spooned together. I put my hand on his and we laced our finger together and fell asleep.

Chapter Text

*****2 and half months later-Fort James*****
I could hear canon and musket fire and could smell fresh turned dirt and smoke. I found myself face down on the ground. I didn’t remember how I got here. I rolled over coughing from the smoke and dirt in my lungs. Every muscle was aching like I had been in a car accident. I sat up and checked for any bruising to ensure that there was no internal bleeding. I looked around and I saw red coats and men in blue uniforms fighting. I was so confused; how did I get to the Americas? I stood up slowly and looked around. I saw a mountain range and I knew I was near Frasers Ridge. I didn’t know how I had gotten back but I saw Claire tending to someone that was down. I ran to her.
“Mom what’s happening how did I get here!?” I yelled over all the noise.
She didn’t turn to talk to me I grabbed her shoulder and shook it. Still no response. I looked down at who she was trying to revive, and my heart dropped into my stomach. It was Jamie.
“no!” I screamed. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.
I touched his face and it was cold, eyes cloudy and matte pupils, he was gone. I looked around and I saw Murtagh, Roger, Bree all dead. The world started to spin, and I couldn’t breathe. I looked around frantically for Declan. Where was he?
“Jane!” I heard Declan’s voice from a distance. I looked around but couldn’t find him.
“Declan!” I yelled for him still looking around for him.
I turned and there was Captain Barlow. I froze. I was…afraid. He grabbed my neck and started choking me. I tried to fight him off, but I couldn’t. Then I felt invisible hands grab my shoulders and then it was like being pulled out of a pool of water.
I opened my eyes and took a deep breath in and sat up quickly. Declan was sitting next to me in bed wearing a look of concern. I was sweating slightly and breathing heavily. I felt like an anvil had been lifted off of my chest. I turned to him and hugged him. I was frantic and I could feel my back on fire. I heard his heartbeat and was able to ground myself. This was the third nightmare this month. These dreams were starting to really mess with my head as they had grown in intensity and frequency. Maybe it was my being here in this time that was disrupting something. Maybe I was a bad transplant and this time was rejecting me. I didn’t know what to make of it, but I knew I had to write a letter to Claire she would want to know.
“Another nightmare kiyôtêw?” Declan said as he released me from his embrace.
“Yeah, I’m afraid so.” I said exhausted. I put my hands to my face and rubbed my eyes.
“We will go see Kamena, she might be able to do something to help. You need to start getting your rest.” Declan said as he touched my abdomen with one of his hands.
“you don’t know for sure if I’m…you know…” I said nervously pushing his hand away from my stomach.
“I know kiyôtêw, you are different. Also, you’ve been sick almost every day.” He said smiling.
I smiled back but felt guilty, I never wanted to be a mother. I like children but never wanted my own. I didn’t ever have a real mother figure in my life so how was I supposed to be a good mother. I had Claire but that was different I didn’t grow up with her raising me or teaching me. It was just me and foster parents who just wanted a welfare check. I was hoping that I wasn’t pregnant I prayed that it was just the stress of traveling all the time that had delayed my period. I should have been better about protection but figured that I knew my cycle well enough to know when I was ovulating. Regardless it was stupid of me and I should have been better about it if I didn’t want to get knocked up. There was also some part of me that did want it, but I pushed it aside. It was scary to bring a child into this world too. Most women died from childbirth. Then there was Bree. She did it without meds and everything. Maybe just maybe it would be alright.
“Go back to sleep. I’m going to write to mom and Dah.” I said and kissed him lazily.
He nodded sleepily and laid back down. I found a shift and pulled it on. It was early and the light was just coming up. I went over to the desk in the room and pulled out paper and quill and started writing a letter to Claire and Jamie.
July 18, 1971
Dear Mom & Dah,
I hope all is well back at Frasers Ridge. Thank you for sending the oil that I requested I will be needing it to help deliver a child soon. Dah, thank you for the books they have been keeping me entertained in Fort James. With this letter are the books sent previously. I miss you all so much. Things at Fort James have been for the most part uneventful. I am establishing myself here as a surgeon and I have patients come and visit me every so often. Nothing serious has come in yet so it’s been mostly dental work and stomach tonics. I’m writing because my dreams have been more frequent and intense. This time I’m afraid was of the war to come and that you all perish. I’ve tried valerian root, but it only makes the dreams hazy which is even more terrifying because I can’t see what is going on. I want so badly for it all to be that just a dream but something in me tells me that you all are not safe there in North Carolina. I wish you would come to Canada. Murtagh is anxious to get home as am I to check on you all with our own eyes. We are waiting for the Lake walkers to finish tanning the pelts to return with for Dah. I really hope that things are peaceful for you all. Enclosed are some pearl earrings for mom, and Bree that some of the women have made here. For you, Dah, and Roger a dirk made by one of the lake walkers.
All my love, your daughter,
Jane Fraser
p.s.-
You may have another grandchild coming. It’s a bit too soon to say for sure but I will write again when I have confirmation.

I put the quill down and looked over it. Reading the postscript over and over. I felt nauseous and ran to the chamber pot.
“fuck…” I said I was done purging.
I rinsed my mouth out and I went back over to the letter and scratched out the last part and wrote

p.p.s-
I have confirmation. I love you all and hope you are excited by the news.

I laughed at myself and wished badly that Claire and Bree were here. We would be off to see them soon I just had to get through this trimester, this morning sickness was killing me. We were headed to the Lake walker territory today to go pick up the furs and for the birth of Sokanon and Michael’s child. I was nervous as I had one rotation on obstetrics and it that was it. I wished that there would have been at least one birth before Sokanon to get some practice, but Fort James, being a trading post, was not a place to have a family, so it was understandable why I didn’t get much practice.
I washed and got ready for the day. Declan got up shortly after I was done getting ready. I was looking to see if I could see a change in my body. Nothing yet probably meant that I was only a month and a half to two months. He came over to me and embraced me from behind putting his hands on my abdomen again.
“in the future you can find out if it is a boy or girl before the child is born?” He asked curiously.
“yes, it’s called an ultrasound, but you have to wait till about 4 months.” I said smiling
“I hope that it’s a boy.” He said kissing my cheek.
“I do too.” I said turning my head back and up towards him kissing him back.
I inhaled his scent, sage and sweat. I loved it and for some reason it made my morning sickness subside.
“you do? I thought all women preferred girls.” He said looking at me with surprise.
“Yes, it’s much better to be a man in this time than it is a woman.” I said with a smile. God, I hoped it was a boy. I don’t know what I would do if it was a girl. If I had to deal with a miniature version of me. I had some candied ginger and quickly got it out and ate some to help me get through the day. I dreaded the next month of morning sickness.
“You should rest kiyôtêw, I’ll get everything for the journey.” Declan said seeing how pale I was.
“I have patients to see I need to make sure that they are all set before we leave.” I said stubbornly.
“God help us, our boy is going to be stubborn as all hell.” Declan said jokingly
“Ha! Like I have anything to do with that he gets that from you, but seriously I just need to see a few patients and I’ll be ready to go.” I said kissing him and making my way out.
I grabbed my bag and a sweater as it was summer but a woman in just shirt and britches was bound to get scathing looks. I sent off the letter that I wrote, and I made most of my rounds except for one. This one was staying at the ale house. I tried to avoid it, but I knew I couldn’t. I took an oath to do no harm and doing nothing would be more harmful than not doing anything. I hesitantly made my way through the door. Grace was behind the bar she looked up at me and narrowed her eyes.
“Miss Emberly” I said formally.
“Miss Fraser” She said back coolly.
“I’m just here to see Mr. Carson. I shouldn’t be long.” I said heading towards the stairs.
“I imagine so. I’ve taken care o him. He will no be needin yer services taday.” She said smugly
“I’ll be the judge of that.” I shot back.
I headed up the stairs. Things had not gotten better or worse with Grace. It was just unpleasant. I didn’t care if Declan was around her anymore. I didn’t want to be the controlling bitch girlfriend, so I learned to let it go. I trusted Declan and that is all that mattered and after that night we hadn’t had an argument about the past since.
I looked over Mr. Carson and asked what Miss Emberly had given him. He confirmed my suspicions and said that she gave him peppermint for his stomach ailment which would normally work for a simple stomach ache but this was much more serious. His breath reeked I could smell the alcohol and almost vomited there. I composed myself and I pushed on his abdomen and could feel the ascites and he was jaundiced. Which meant he had cirrhosis of the liver.
“Mr. Carson you have scarring on your liver due to alcohol abuse. You need to stop drinking and start going on long walks about the fort.” I said seriously.
“That’s absurd. I feel fine now Miss Emberly gave me a peppermint potion that has me right as rain.” He said concerned.
“That is only a temporary fix. You’ll need to change your lifestyle in order to get your normal color back and to stop feeling so tired all the time.” I said trying to reason with him.
“Oh, I can’t just take this peppermint?” He said trying to bargain with me.
“I can’t force you to do anything but for the longevity of your life you will need to make some changes in your life. Beginning with no alcohol.” I repeated flatly knowing that this was already a lost battle.
I was furious. He had decided that the peppermint was enough, but I knew that he would be dead within the year if he kept drinking. I packed up my things and marched down to the bar.
“you know Grace I don’t interfere with your job or tell you how to do it. So, I would appreciate it if you didn’t try to do mine.” I said sharply to her.
“All he needed was a wee bit o peppermint fer tha indigestion.” She said certain that she had cured him.
“That would be correct if it was just indigestion. What he has is a much more serious ailment he is an alcoholic and has scarring of the liver.” I said angrily
“there is no such thing. He will be fine.” She said dismissively
“believe what you want but you have prevented that man from getting the help he needed by sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong.” I shot back.
“I would watch wha yah say tah me.” She said poison dripping off every word.
“I could have saved him! Grace all I’m asking is that you keep your business to serving ale and leave the healing to a professional like me!” I finally snapped.
“Get. Out.” She said angrily through her teeth.
“Is everything ok Jane?” I head Declan’s voice from behind me.
He caught me by surprise, and I whirled around and then felt the nausea come back and I grabbed my stomach and a chair for support. Declan rushed over to me and I felt his hands on my waist and shoulder supporting me from falling over as well. I took a deep breath in.
“kiyôtêw, you really shouldn’t be moving that quickly not in your condition.” He said in a low voice in a worried tone.
I refused to be sick or look weak in front of her. Once the nausea subsided, I righted myself and nodded at Declan to let him know I was fine.
“Whas gotten in tah her?” She said with a bit of disgust seeing that I was nauseated.
“That is REALLY none of your business. Good day Miss Emberly.” I said curtly before Declan could answer and walked out.
I saw that there was no reasoning with her, so all I could do was leave. I was upset that I had lost my temper like that, but it was hard when people’s lives were at stake. As I approached the house the wagon and horses were prepped and ready to go. I was ready to get out of here. I went upstairs and started to pack my things. Declan came in shortly after.
“What’s happened? I heard shouting.” Declan asked
“Grace decided that she wanted to play doctor and made it so a patient is refusing my treatment and will probably die.” I said pinching the bridge of my nose and putting another on my stomach. I felt nauseous again.
He didn’t say anything. He knew that I was venting. All he did was come over and stop me from packing and sat me down and knelt before me. These hormones were driving me crazy and I realized that I needed to just calm down.
“Sorry I’m being so emotional. Don’t worry I’m find now. We are both fine.” I said after taking some deep breaths.
“I can deal with Grace if you want.” He said earnestly.
“No, no I can fight my own battles.” I said pridefully
“I know you can, but I still wanted to offer.” He said touching my chin
He pulled me down for a kiss.
“Are you ready to go?” He said changing the subject.
“Yeah I just have a few more things to pack and I’ll be ready to go. I’ll meet you down there.” I said as I got up again to pack.
The rest was just clothing I reluctantly packed some skirts as I would start showing and the britches wouldn’t fit anymore. When I got down stairs Sokanon, Michael, Murtagh and Declan and I headed off to the lake walker territory.
It only took us two days to get there and the journey was for the most part was easy, but the riding was a bit difficult for me. I tried to mask my morning sickness with the candied ginger, but everyone knew why I was sick all the time. We dismounted when we arrived at a large macêkin. Kamena became Okima again and so we brought her gifts to pay our respects. Declan warned me to be respectful and to only speak when spoken to. I nodded my head in acknowledgement. An elderly native American woman, Kamena, came out of the macêkin.
“Declan Harp, it is good to see you.” Kamena said as we dismounted
“Okima, we are honored to be here. Thank you for trusting us with your trade. We brought gifts to thank you.” Declan said bowing to her.
Murtagh unloaded the wagon of cups, pots, pans and other goods from Fort James.
“Come we have much to discuss.” Kamena said going back into the macêkin.
We all followed her in and sat down in a circle.
“Was the winter season good?” Declan asked getting straight away to business.
“It was, the pelts are thick and plentiful. We still have many to clean and tan. Will you stay and help us?” Kamena asked inquisitively.
“Yes, we will. We have also brought a healer to help with any of your sick and injured.” Declan said looking towards me.
“What is your name?” Kamena asked me.
“My name is Jane Fraser. It is an honor to meet you.” I said bowing my head in respect.
“We are very happy to have you here. We are also very happy to have the new arrival of a child too.” She said bowing her head back and then looking at me still.
I could feel her eyes probing me like an x-ray; she knew already. I assumed she was talking about Sokanon.
“We are very excited to bring in a new son of the Cree nation. We wanted him to be born with his people.” Sokanon said as she touched her very large belly.
Kamena smiled at me then looked towards Sokanon and reached a hand out to her and they held hands for a while.
“You all must be tired from your journey. There are long houses and macêkins available for you to use as you while you stay. Declan and Jane, I invite you to come back in the evening to speak with me again.” Kamena said in an amused way.
“Yes Okima.” Declan spoke for the both of us.
We all exited the macêkin
“Did I do something wrong?” I asked worried that I did something to offend her.
“no kiyôtêw, she is just curious about you.” He said amused at my panic.
“Oh good. I don’t want to offend anybody especially a woman in her position.” I said relived.
“Come, let’s go get settled.” Declan said reaching back to hold my hand.
I put my hand in his and we started walking towards the horses. He took the reins of both our horses in his other hand and we started to walk towards a macêkin that was about 100 feet away from Kamena’s. I went in and it was cozy there was a bed set for us with fur blankets, a fire pit in the middle and woven rugs to sit on.
“This is nice.” I said in disbelief
“we are honored guests, so we get to stay in a macêkin closest to Kamena.” He said setting down our packs next to the bed.
“she knows, doesn’t she?” I said quietly putting a hand on my abdomen.
“Kamena is very perceptive and also looking like you are sick all the time doesn’t help hide the fact either.” He said coming over and lifting my face up to his by my chin with one of his fingers.
“Yeah I guess not” I scoffed.
“It’s not a bad thing, It’s not a sign of weakness. If anything, knowing you are with my child makes me want you more. As soon as our son grows inside you, I’m not sure how I’m going to keep my hands off of you.” He said as he leaned down and kissed me.
“Stop, I’m going to look like a fat bear here in the next few months.” I said abysmally.
I went and sat on the bed and he came over and sat next to me putting an arm around me.
“You are already irresistible. Ever since that first time we rode together I would purposely ride behind you when you are on a horse and watch your ass bounce up and down on the saddle. I have always wanted you.” He said kissing my neck and working his way up to my ear.
My skin prickled and I let out a moan.
“Pervert” I said teasingly
“If thinking about making love to you all the time makes me a pervert then so be it.” He said kissing me deeply.
I pushed him down onto the bed and got on top of him. His hands made their way up to my swelling breasts and started to massage them. I moaned from the relief I felt when he touched them. I began to grind against him and could feel him getting hard. Reached down and unlaced his britches and relieved him from the confines of his clothing. I heard him inhale sharply after doing this. It made me smile. I bent down and kissed him then his neck. I made my way down his chest, his stomach and then knelt between his legs. I was nervous at first but gently took him into my mouth. I heard him groan and put his hands in my hair. I started to work him in my mouth using my tongue along his length. I listened carefully for signals of pleasure from him and would repeat motions that elicited the most pleasure from him. My jaw started to hurt, so I stopped and climbed back on top of him while pulling my own britches off. I kissed him and gently guided the tip of him against my entrance. I felt him grab my hips and pulled me down onto him as he thrust up hard into me. I threw my head back and cried out in pleasure. My body tensing and relaxing as it adjusted to the sudden insertion. His hand moved up my body over my breast and then to the back of my neck and pulled me back down over him. I helped him take his shirt off and I set my hands on his chest and started to ride him fast and hard. He sat up and took my shirt off too and then wrapped his arms around me and put one hand on the small of my back and the other on my shoulder. He started to suck on my nipples, and it sent shockwaves through me. I couldn’t keep quiet and cried out in pleasure. I pulled his head way from me and kissed him. I was grinding hard against him and he was lightly nibbling on my lower lip. I could feel him getting close to climaxing. I felt one of his hands come between us and started to stimulate me.
“yes…” I said breaking away from our kiss.
“Jane…” he said breathlessly.
“oh God…Declan…” I said riding him harder.
He gripped me harder as I sank down on him and I felt him climax.
“Jane…” He said through gritted teeth head between my breasts.
“Oh…yes…Declan!” I cried out as I climaxed with him.
We held each other for a while and then I got off him he pulled one of the fur blankets over us. I turned on my side and he wrapped his arms around me and spooned me. One hand on my abdomen as if he was already cradling our child.
“I wish I could feel him move.” He said in my ear.
“it’s too early for that, but I’ll let you know as soon as he does.” I said back to him.
Declan got up, turned me so that I was flat on my back and put his lips to my abdomen and kissed it.
“I hope you are strong like your mother. I can’t wait to see and hold you with my own hands.” He whispered to my abdomen.
I felt a rush of emotion come over me and I teared up a bit. He was going to be a good father. I just hoped that I could be a good mother.
He looked up and smiled and I smiled at him too.
“marry me” He said casually.
“I’m sorry, what?” I said sitting up not bothering to pull the covers over me, but my hand clutched my chest as I thought my heart would burst. My eyes were the size of saucers.
“Marry me.” He said again sitting up and pulling a simple gold band from the pocket of his discarded jacket.
“yes. Of course, yes!” I said finally registering what he had just asked.
We embraced each other tightly and when I finally let go of him, he put the ring on my finger. It fit perfectly. I didn’t know when or how he got the ring, but it was amazing. We kissed and I couldn’t stop smiling or looking at it.
“Tonight?” he asked worried that I would say no
“yes, I don’t’ care about the details, let’s do it.” I said overwhelmed with emotion.
My heart was pounding with adrenaline and I could still feel the oxytocin from earlier. I literally felt like I was in heaven. We both got up and got dressed as it was getting dark as we needed to go see Kamena. I couldn’t stop smiling I couldn’t believe this was happening. I didn’t know if he would even want to get remarried after his first wife, but he did, and he chose me. My thoughts were racing. I had to write to Dah and mom as soon as possible. Dah would be happy especially since the baby was coming. He was old school like that, but that’s what made him Jamie Fraser. He had integrity and honor. Something I really admired about him. Things I saw and loved in Declan too.
We exited the macêkin and made our way to Kamena’s macêkin. It was warm when we got in and we bowed respectfully before her and then she motioned us to sit.
“You are not from this world are you Jane Fraser.” She said smiling.
“No, I am not.” I said a reluctantly
There was literally nothing that escaped her.
“Do you know the fate of my people?” Kamena asked inquisitively
“I don’t’ know about the Cree. I only know of the nation’s south of here. It does not end well for them unfortunately.” I said sadly.
“The great spirit showed me a vision of you. It showed me the spirit of a white buffalo which brings healing and great knowledge. There was a blonde haired and green-eyed fox and the buffalo was wounded and alone. You are the white buffalo; you bring healing and medicine with you, but you are not from this world. You will sacrifice greatly to be here with Declan. Despite your efforts you will one day return to where you came from.” Kamena looked seriously at both of us knowing that I had been mutilated by Captain Barlow and that we would at some point be separated.
Declan and I looked at each other. I could see the worry in his face and mine mirrored worry as well, but he smiled and squeezed my hand. I smiled back feeling assured that we would do anything to stay together.
“Thank you for sharing your vison Okima, and we understand the warning that you give us, but I am the black wolf and I control my own destiny. Ours are intertwined I know this. We are meant to be together…We have another matter we would like to discuss with you.” Declan said pausing to take my hand in his.
“We would be honored if you would bless our union.” He said smiling at me.
I smiled back and then we both turned our attention to Kamena.
“knowing what I have told you, you two still wish to be united?” She said surprised
“I would rather spend what time we have together, as man and wife. I want to be remembered as Declan Harps wife.” I said with as much humility as I could muster.
“I cannot say that this is wise, but I will bless your union. Go prepare for the ceremony and we will begin when the moon is shining.” Kamena said smiling.
I could see the understanding in her eyes but also a deep sadness. I let out a sigh of relief. Declan and I were both smiling, and I now understood why women get so fucking giddy about getting married. I could hardly contain my excitement.
“Okima, thank you.” Declan said bowing.
I bowed in response as well as to not offend her. She called to someone outside of the tent and two women came in, she said something in Cree and they each took me by the hand and away to another macêkin. They promptly undressed me and washed me. I could feel their eyes on my tattoos but didn’t mind. Then I was put into a buckskin dress and had a turquoise bead necklace put on me. My hair was braided with feathers and more beaded string put into it as well. I felt like I was being prepared for human sacrifice. When we were finished it was dark and the moon was shining brightly.
After the ladies were done getting me ready, I was taken to the long house where the whole lake walker tribe was gathered along with Murtagh, Michael and Sokanon. I was nervous, I didn’t expect there to be so many people. I looked up and there was Declan waiting at the end of the aisle for me with Kamena. His hair was pulled back into a neat half ponytail with feathers and wood beads in it as well. He had buckskin shirt and britches on with a beautiful beaded breast plate. The breastplate was black and white that made up an intricate triangle pattern on it.
Everything and everyone melted away when I saw him. I started to walk towards him and then he turned his head and locked eyes with me and smiled at him and he smiled back at me. He put a hand to his chest and took a deep breath. I laughed and he reached his hand towards me as I approached him, and I took his hand.
The Ceremony was simple it began with a pipe ceremony which is a very sacred ceremony, everyone was silent, and all eyes were on us. It is the same as saying vows in more contemporary times, but it was done without saying a word at all. By sharing a pipe and letting the smoke bless us, that was the vow. The rest of the ceremony was beautiful, and I was taking it all it. Kamena saying a blessing in Cree and being presented with moccasins that are only to be worn for sacred events and ceremonies. Then we were presented with two feathers. We tied them together in a way that they could never be separated, to represent our new union. After that was completed the long house erupted in whoops and cheers. We turned to face the gathering and then from there the celebration began. There was dancing, eating and drinking. It was amazing being able to experience these traditions that were ancient in my time but very relevant now. I was sitting and observing everyone and then I felt Declan touch my shoulder.
“Mrs. Harp” He said.
“Mrs. Harp” I repeated in a little disbelief. I was married.
“I like the sound of it.” He said grinning.
“I do too. I almost like it as much as husband.” I said back coyly.
He kissed me and smiled; I could taste the whiskey on his lips.
“I really like the sounds of that. Wife.” He said emphasizing ‘wife’
“Oh, that does sounds good.” I said as my heart skipped a beat.
Michael and Sokanon came over and congratulated us as did many others, and there was Murtagh.
“Your Dah will want yah tah have a Christian weddin when we return aye?” He said jokingly
“Well he’s not getting one. Or it’s just going to be the family and no one else. Bree’s wedding was enough at the gathering.” I said back smiling as the thought of the Frasers came to mind.
“I am honored tha I was able tah witness your union and I wish many blessing tah yah both. Slàinte!” Murtagh said raising his cup of whiskey.
“Cheers, thank you Murtagh.” Declan said also raising his glass and taking a sip.
I raised my cup of water and was sad that I couldn’t drink but knew it was for the best. I put my hand to my abdomen and couldn’t believe that within a year I was married and pregnant. I never imagined myself in this situation. I laughed to myself and thought that old Jane would be admonishing me about how domesticated I was and how ordinary and normal it was for me to do this. How I am giving up on all my ambitions to be stuck in the past, married and with child. Then I thought about Kamena’s vison. At some point she saw that we would be separated by time again.
‘fuck that’ I thought. ‘I’ll be dammed if I let anything get between me, my husband and child.’ I was bent on changing that vison because I had so much to fight for.
The celebration continued through the night, but I had retired early due to my ‘condition’. I immediately fell asleep and was glad to be alone to stretch out on the bed just by myself.
Declan stumbled in late at night. Whiskey heavy on his breath and I almost was sick from smelling it, but I was able to manage.
“Wife, I am drunk.” He said finally laying in the bed next to me.
“I can see and smell you husband.” I said groggily and mildly irritated that he had woken me up.
“I love you, and I need you to know that…that I will do anything for you and our son…I want more babies with you…all the babies…” He slurred and was running his hands up and down my body.
“I love you too but let’s get through this one first ok?” I said as I took his wandering hands into mine and squeezed them to keep them from wandering further. I knew tonight wouldn’t amount to anything with how much whiskey I could smell on him. He finally stopped and passed out and I laid my head on his chest and listened to his heart beat and drifted back to sleep myself.
I awoke early the next morning and it was very quiet. I got out of our bed and Declan was still sleeping and snoring away. I smiled to myself remembering that one time he made fun of me for drooling in my sleep. I wrapped myself in a fur blanket and walked outside and relieved myself. I went back inside and set a cup of water and willow bark on the table next to Declan. I started a fire for breakfast. I made whatever salted pork we had left and some eggs too. I heard him groan and turn over with his head on his hand.
“fuck. What happened?” He said in pain.
“You had a little too much of Dah’s whiskey last night” I said amused at his hang over.
“Whiskey sickness is there a cure in the future?” He asked me hoping I had a magic elixir.
“Hang over? Not really just water and food” I said back laughing.
“shhhhhh, kiyôtêw, your laugh it is splitting my skull in half.” He said sitting up on the bed slowly.
“Here, water and some willow bark to chew on. I’m making breakfast too. Husband” I whispered and gave him a quick peck on the cheek.
He looked up and at the word ‘husband’ and smiled, but then put his head back down as I believe he felt a little dizzy. He then drank the water and put the bark in his mouth and chewed and stuck the chewed-up bits in his lower lip like a piece of dip. He sighed as he felt some relief. I finished cooking the eggs and pork and handed him a good helping. I wasn’t that hungry, so I made smaller plate for myself. He gratefully took it and we ate it quickly. I had barely gotten through half of mine.
“careful you’ll choke if you eat that fast.” I said teasingly
“I think I may still be drunk.” He said jokingly.
“No, you are hung over. Hunger usually is a sign of your body trying to compensate for the lack of food from the night before.” I said factually.
“Have we got anything else?” He asked hoping the answer was yes.
I nodded and pointed to the pot of water on the fire to make some corn meal porridge flavored with the salted pork grease. He smiled and came to sit on the ground next to me. He wrapped an arm around me and held me as I finished what I could of my breakfast. I was not very hungry and offered the rest to Declan and he gratefully took it.
“Are you going to help with the pelts today?” I asked curious as to what was planned for today.
“Yeah, there aren’t that many lake walkers so preparing the pelts has been slow. Hopefully be done with them in about a week or so that we can make the journey back to Frasers Ridge before the winter storms come in.” He said with determination.
“Yes, I don’t think we would last if we got caught in a snowstorm” I said putting a hand on my abdomen.
I seemed to be doing that a lot even though I wasn’t showing, but I still felt a slight weight change inside me. I could feel the difference even though it physically wasn’t there. It was odd but incredible to be pregnant. I guess this is what all my friends were trying to explain to me. I finally understood.
“I will not let that happen.” Declan said to me seriously.
“I know you would never let anything bad happen to us.” I said putting my hand on his face and stroking his beard.
He kissed me and got up. He proceeded to get out of his wedding clothes in which he slept in and change into some britches and a white shirt. The porridge was done, and I scooped some up into a bowl and got up and walked it over to him with a spoon. He turned and gratefully took it from me and began to eat. I went back and sat over by the fire. It was still early and a little cold in the early morning. I stared into the fire. No nightmare last night but that could have been to the over production of serotonin.
“What will you be doing today wife?” He asked pulling me out of my trance.
“oh…hmmm I’m not sure I was going to check on Sokanon and maybe see if she could translate for me to see if anyone needed help today.” I replied with a lazy smile.
“What are you thinking about in that big brain of yours?” He asked as he came and sat next to me again.
“I’m thinking about what Kamena said, her vision…” I trailed off afraid to say what came next.
“It’s not going to happen.” He said reassuringly.
“I don’t’ know what I would do without you.” I said suddenly
“Jane, we control our own destiny. Nothing will come between us. I will not lose you. You are mine and I am yours.” He said holding me close to him.
He let me go and I looked up at him.
“Promise?” I asked
“I promise.” He said
We kissed and he got up.
“I’ll be back before dark. Try to keep yourself out of trouble.” He said teasing me.
“Speak for yourself.” I retorted back. Smiling because we both had a knack for getting into some sort of situation. I was more prone to it because I spoke my mind. I was really good at getting into arguments for being honest.
“I’ll see you later wife?” He said as he looked back at me raising an eyebrow, smiling. He stopped while exiting the macêkin.
“Yes husband.” I said smiling back at him.
He laughed and left for the day. I sat by the fire a while longer and put the rest of the porridge into another bowl and started eating. I was taking it slow today as yesterday was so…fast. Everything happened so quickly, and I didn’t have any patients so I figured I would just hang out and enjoy the time off. Not to mention being pregnant was tiring even in these early stages.
After I had finished my breakfast I got up and stretched and got dressed. I wandered around a bit looking for Sokanon and on the way I found some ginkgo, echinacea and St John’s wort. I picked some and put them into my basket to take back with me later. I made it into the center of the village and saw Sokanon rolling up pelts into bundles. She looked up and smiled and waved me to come over.
When I got to her, she handed me a pile of furs.
“Help with this.” She ordered.
I did and I looked around and mimicked what everyone else was doing. It was comforting being around women again. The only down fall was that Sokanon was the only one I could communicate with.
“Sokanon, if it’s alright with you, can you ask to see if anyone in the village needs medical help?” I asked hoping that I could help someone.
She spoke to the women in the group and they all looked around and one of them came up and pulled up her sleeves. I could see the raw patches of skin on her arms and then she also lifted the hem of her buckskin dress and there were more on her legs. It was Psoriasis. I knew of a remedy, but the cure would be steroids which I didn’t have the tools to synthesize. Regardless I smiled up at her and looked to Sokanon.
“Sokanon can you tell her to take a bath and to put oats in the water and to soak for at least an hour, twice a week that should help with the dryness and itching.” I asked.
Sokanon complied and the woman looked at me somewhat curiously but nodded and went back to sit down.
Another woman said something to Sokanon.
“she says that her husband has trouble breathing when he works hard. Is there something that you can do to help?” Sokanon said to me.
“I think I know what he has but tell her to have him smoke applewood that should relieve the lungs when he is working hard.” I said reassuringly.
The woman bowed to me and said something to me.
“she says thank you.” Sokanon said
“oh, you’re welcome.” I said back to her smiling and bowing back.
The women went back to gossiping and chatting.
“Sokanon I’d like to come by later and check on you and the baby if that’s ok?” I asked casually hoping that she would say yes
“Yes, that will be good. Come after the evening meal.” She said back.
We kept rolling furs until the pile was gone. It was afternoon after we had finished and we all went to the gardens and we picked squash and root vegetables along with wild rice. It was a long day and we took breaks to snack on berries we had gathered. Sokanon looked bored but what else could she do being as big as she was. I dreaded becoming that big. I could feel the weight growing inside me every day.
It was nearing dusk and we all went to the long house to prepare the evening meal. It was a simple meal just roasted goose stuffed with squash over a fire with some berries and apples as sides. The men filed in and greeted their respective partners and the single men gathered and sat together joking and happy to be resting for a bit. Declan came over to me and I took a berry and held it up to his lips. He smiled and ate it. He tried to take one from the bowl and I saw that his hands were filthy and slapped it away. He looked at me with confusion.
“Go wash your hands first.” I ordered pointing to a bowl full of water.
“Fine.” He said as he reluctantly walked over the bowl and washed his hands.
I smiled knowing that he didn’t like being bossed around but tough shit he was going to have to get used to it. He finished washing his hands and he came back over and took a berry from the bowl and put it to my lips. I opened and barely grazed my lips on his finger tips and he grinned because it reminded of my lips on him in another appendage yesterday afternoon. I smiled up at him coyly.
“How is your day?” I asked hoping to distract him from ravaging me on the spot.
“huh? Oh, it was good. I thought there was going to be a lot more, but it is reasonable. With everyone’s help we should have it done within 2 months.” He said being pulled out of his imagination.
“We are right on schedule then.” I said happily.
“yes, I’m anticipating that these pelts will help sway the tide in our favor in the colonies.” Declan said looking out at the lake walker tribes’ people.
“I hope so too. I don’t think it will be hard with all the anti-British sentiment that is going on down there right now.” I said worried because I didn’t’ know Canada’s history with the revolutionary war. I know some of Canada assisted the colonies but not a lot because of the trade. It was a huge gamble that Declan was taking but I was grateful because it brought us together.
We sat and ate, and I chatted about our day. It felt so normal. There wasn’t someone dying or someone trying to kill us or anything. It was weird to just be able to relax and not have to fight for anything. Ever since I had arrived it was one thing after another, and it was nice being able to just do normal things these past few months.
After dinner Declan and I went to Michael and Sokanon’s macêkin so that I can check on her. We arrived and she was sitting in front of the fire and Michael was holding her. It was sweet how he was with her. I was happy for them. I knelt next to Sokanon and made a makeshift stethoscope with some paper and held it up to her belly and the other end next to my ear. I could hear the fetal hear beat that was good. I then examined to see the positioning of the baby.
“anything abnormal happening?” I asked Sokanon hoping to hear no.
“Lots of movement. Kicking me so I can’t breathe” She said with an uncomfortable tone.
“that’s normal for the baby to be moving this much. It means he is in position to be birthed” I said smiling knowing how annoyed she was.
“He is annoying like Michael was when I first met him.” Sokanon said irritably.
We all laughed at the joke. I guess the baby had poked her in the diaphragm again. I couldn’t help but laugh a little.
“Don’t laugh you will soon know what it is like.” He hissed through her teeth at me.
“I know I’m sorry, but you are going to see your baby, and all of this will be worth it.” I said trying to comfort her.
I didn’t have any ground to stand on, but I had to believe it too. Women sacrifice a lot when they have children, so it had to be worth it right? At least that is what I heard.
“well everything seems all right I expect you’ll be due any minute now. When the pains start come get me.” I said sternly.
She nodded silently as she held her side.
I wanted to make sure from the beginning to end went well for her.
“Ready to go?” Declan said extending his hand out to me.
“yeah” I said taking his hand to help me up.
“tank ya Jane” Michael said embracing me.
“You are welcome Michael. I’m happy to help” I said smiling and hugging him back.
“Michael I’ll see you tomorrow” Declan called back as we exited their macêkin.
We walked back to our macêkin hand in hand and enjoyed the cool, late summer night. We got in our macêkin and got ready for bed.
And like any ordinary day for an ordinary married couple we went to sleep.
I dreamed that I was walking through a wood and I could hear a baby crying. I knew it was my baby. Something told me that it was him. We didn’t have a name, so I didn’t know what to call him. I got to a clearing and I saw him in the middle of the clearing in a basket. There was a figure with blonde hair crouching over him. I knew it was Barlow. I ran over screaming at him to get away from my son. He didn’t turn. I grabbed him by the shoulder, and he disappeared with my son. I looked down and at my hands and there was blood. I looked down in terror and my shift was soaked in blood from my pubic bone down. I clutched my abdomen thinking that holding it would prevent what was happening and then I fell to my knees and my vison went black.
I shot up in bed breathing heavily so did Declan he had a knife drawn.
“what is it?” He said looking around for the intruder.
I threw the blankets off me and pulled my shift up in a panic and looked between my legs and there was nothing. I felt relief wash over me.
“Nothing it was just a dream…it was just a fucking dream…fuck… I’m sorry.” I said tears filling my eyes.
Declan put the knife away and held me. I was sobbing at this point. I had never felt so much fear in my life. Not even when I thought I was going to die in Brunswick.
“shhh shhhh kiyôtêw. Everything is alright.” He said holding me and stroking my head.
I finally calmed down and he let me go.
“I wish these dreams would just stop” I said putting my hands over my face frustrated.
“I know kiyôtêw, maybe when we go back to Fraser’s Ridge they will stop?” He suggested.
“No, they started happening after I got pregnant.” I said reluctantly.
“Don’t worry kiyôtêw, we will find a way.” He said kissing me.
We both laid back down then we heard Michael in the distance calling us. He was getting closer.
“Jane! Declan! It’s time!” Michael said and he burst into our macêkin.

Chapter Text

We both got up and dressed. I grabbed my medical kit and we both made our way over to their macêkin. I stopped at the door and turned to face Declan and Michael.
“You two wait out here. Last thing I need is for either of you to fall over and hit your head. Don’t worry I’ll take care of both of them.” I said reassuringly.
They both nodded and walked to a fire pit outside of the macêkin. Many of the women from the village were watching and waiting outside. They stared as I went in. I entered and saw Sokanon was naked squatting over a pile of leaves. She was already trying to push.
“Sokanon stop.” I said as I knelt down by her.
“I want it out!” She yelled.
“It’s too early for that. If you keep that up, you’ll tear yourself apart and that won’t be good for either of you. You will know when to push.” I said as I laid a clean cloth down and guided her down to sit.
“I’m going to examine you. Which means I’m going to touch you.” I said as I set her in a lithotomy position.
“what do you mean?” She said suspiciously
“I’m going to put my fingers in you to feel around and see what is happening.” I said uncomfortably
She looked at me mortified
“Not for pleasure it’s to check and see how much longer it will be before you can push.” I said blushing a little embarrassed at the thought of being intimate with a woman flashed in my mind for a second.
She nodded and then winced in pain. She was having a contraction.
I washed my hands with alcohol and dried them off. I then took two fingers and pushed them into her vaginal canal and then when I reached her cervix, I could feel that it was thin and stretched but she hadn’t dilated enough. She gripped my shoulder in pain. I could feel the contraction grip my fingers. I estimated that she wasn’t going to be fully dilated for another few hours. I knew that this was a glimpse of my future, but I was comforted by the fact that Claire and Bree would be there.
I pulled out the oil that Claire had sent me earlier and rubbed some around her vulva and inside the canal to help with lubricating and stretching. In hopes that nothing would tear. God, I hoped that nothing would tear.
A couple of hours went by and we had walked around and massaged her lower back, wiping sweat from her body. I did all the things that I was taught on my OB rotation, except for the epidural. I wasn’t an anesthesiologist, so I didn’t have any practice with that at all. Between her longer contractions I prepared sutures and needles just in case there was a tear. I also took this time to prepare hot water and clean linens. As I checked on her dilation status, I used the oil as Claire instructed and it seemed to be working.
“My waters…” I heard Sokanon whisper out.
I looked away from what I was doing and looked under her. I saw the river of fluid flowing from under here and could smelled the sweet odor that comes with it as well. It was time.
“Sokanon I need you to grab the pole of the macêkin over here and squat I’m going to be right behind you, this will help you open your hips and bare down.” I said helping her walk over to the pole.
She nodded and held on to the pole white knuckled and steeled her face. She took a deep wide stance.
“Sokanon when you feel pain, I need you to take a deep breath in and push and push for 10 seconds. Alright, ready? PUSH!” I commanded as I crouched next to her and held a hand under her opening to feel for the baby’s head.
“Good now exhale” I said.
I could see her vulva expanding from the head now in the birth canal.
“It burns like fire. I feel like I’m being…. burned alive!” She yelled back at me.
“I know it will only be for a short time. Just hang in there and you’ll see your baby soon.” I said as reassuringly as possible.
The next contraction came, and she cried out through her teeth. Then I felt it another living thing touched the palm of my hand I looked down and there was a twisted face of another person starting back at me out of my friend.
“Sokanon look down you can see the head!” I said excitedly.
She looked down and grimaced.
“It’s so ugly!” She said attempting to make a joke through her pain.
I smiled back and stuck a finger below its neck and looked for the umbilical cord. I found it and pulled it away from the baby’s neck and over its head to prevent strangulation. I also wiped mucus from the baby’s mouth and nose to clear the airway for its first breath. I also twisted it’s shoulders to prevent them from getting caught on the pubic rami of her pelvis.
“Get it out please!” she cried out on the verge of tears.
“Almost there, here sit back.” I said helping her down.
I pulled her back from a squatting position down to a lithotomy position and instructed her put her hand between her legs so she could catch her baby. I put my hands under the backs of her knees and pulled them back wide.
“One more, get ready, now PUSH!” I said back to her.
She bared down once more and cried out with all her might and with a pop the shoulders came out and the baby slithered like a snake out of her and into her arms. The remaining fluid and blood coming with him too.
It was a boy and he was beautiful.
“congratulations on your handsome boy” I said as she pulled him up to her chest. She was breathing heavily and crying from relief.
I grabbed the clean blanket that I had placed behind me and helped wrap the baby while wiping away more fluid. I instructed her to pat and rub his back to help open up the lungs. Then the baby cried out and it was the most joyous noise I had ever heard. He turned from grey purple to pink as he inhaled. I signed with relief baby was healthy and Sokanon was a mother. I inspected her now deflated abdomen and was helping the placenta detach from her.
“Sokanon one more push. Ready? Go” I said holding her legs and knees back.
She bared down once more, and the placenta was out. The last connection of mother and child heaped in a purple bloody mess under her.
I tied the umbilical cord and cut it with a knife. Sokanon was busy obsessing and talking to her child. I helped Sokanon clean up, move to the bed and gave her a shift to pull over to prepare here for visitors. I cleaned up the rest of the blood and gore by piling the leaves and putting them into the fire.
“What do the Cree do with this?” I asked Sokanon pointing to the placenta.
I knew that there were customs in certain cultures, and I didn’t want to offend anyone.
“Give it to Kamena and they will go in the forest and bury it as sacrifice.” She said smiling.
I wrapped it in several layers of cloth and put it into a buckskin bag for later.
It was a relatively clean birth; which I was grateful for, usually there was urine or feces involved. After her and Sîpiy were settled I cleaned myself up and exited the macêkin. Michael was anxiously waiting by the entrance I assume that he had heard his baby cry. I looked over by the fire and saw Declan and he stood. They were both anxious to see if it was a boy or girl.
“Congratulations you have a son.” I said to Michael.
He started to tear up and smiled at me. He gave me a huge hug and went into see his son and Sokanon. I looked over at Declan and he walked over to me.
“you ok?” He asked.
“yeah, natural birth is so beautiful. I am used to doing cesarean sections, so this is new to me.” I said relieved that the birth went so well.
“what is a cesarean section?” He asked curiously.
“well sometimes a mother can’t give birth naturally, so we have to go in and cut through the abdomen to get the baby out safely.” I explained.
He looked disturbed imagining the gory sight of a surgeon elbow deep inside a woman to get a baby out.
“Let’s go inside I’m sure you want to meet your nephew.” I said quickly to change the subject.
He nodded and we both entered the macêkin.
It was picturesque to see Michael, Sokanon and the baby together. She was feeding him, and I could feel something stir in my own breasts. I shifted a little uncomfortably but knew it was prolactin hormone being released from my brain because of my own pregnancy. Declan walked over and kissed Sokanon on the head and looked at her full of pride. She looked up and smiled back.
“Sîpiy, you are lucky to have a strong mother and father.” Declan said to the baby then looking at Sokanon and Michael.
My heart melted and tears started to well up in my eyes. He was going to be such an amazing father. Part of me couldn’t wait but part of me was also terrified of having this baby. I touched my abdomen and prayed that mine would be an easy birth too. I came closer and sat at the foot of the bed.
“You did so well Sokanon. No complications or tearing. You’ll start your courses soon so make sure you are prepared for that. Try and get as much rest as possible and he’ll be hungry all the time so make sure you eat plenty so that he can eat as well. Also, no alcohol before feedings it can be transmitted into the milk as well. If you want to drink, you’ll have to have one of the other mothers feed him, but the more of your milk he gets the better for him.” I said making sure she understood.
“Thank you, Jane.” She said with gratitude.
“you are very welcome Sokanon. I was honored to help you through this.” I said smiling back.
Declan got up and so did I. We both knew it was time to leave the three of them to enjoy their time together. I felt like I was walking on clouds it was an amazing feeling.
“Congratulations Uncle Declan.” I said teasingly
“You too Aunt Jane.” He teased back.
It was dawn and I could see the silhouettes of the mountains with the sun rising behind them. He stopped a little way behind me, and I got to the entrance of our macêkin and I looked back at him curiously.
“what?” I said wondering what he was thinking.
“I just want to remember the way you look right now. If I we are ever separated, I want you to know that I will remember you this way always.” He said smiling at me.
“I love you too Declan.” I said smiling back at him and then went inside to sleep.
I was coming down from my high and felt the exhaustion of staying up all night come over me. I took off my clothes and went to bed stark naked. I heard Declan come in after me and pull the fur blanket over me more. It was early in the morning now and it was almost time for him to go help with the pelts, so he stayed up and made his own breakfast and left after kissing me. I fell into a deep slumber and didn’t have any nightmares. I didn’t dream at all. It was peaceful.
**** A Week Later – Lake Walker Territory****
I awoke to the sound of a deer walking by our macêkin. It was light out and I looked over at Declan and he was awake as well. I smiled at him and he smiled back and then put his finger to his mouth signaling me to be quiet. He got up slowly and silently put on some britches. It was amazing how quite he could be for a man his size. He grabbed one of his knives and slowly made his way to the exit. I could see his silhouette through the macêkin. He had managed to get within striking distance and grabbed the deer by the muzzle and slit its throat in one fell swoop. I heard and saw the spray of blood against the walls of the macêkin.
“Show off.” I said to myself smiling.
It was getting a bit harder to bend at the waist. I started to show a bit, but thankfully didn’t have any more morning sickness. I estimated that I was 3 months along now and I could feel it. Today was the day to depart for Fraser’s Ridge. I was excited. I got dressed and had to start wearing skirts again because I couldn’t button up my britches anymore. I put on a dark brown skirt and white shirt and tucked it into the waist. Put a light blue shawl on and tied it securely in the back.
Declan came back in half naked with blood spatter on his chest and hands. His hair was loose and free. He looked wild and I could see that he wanted me. I could feel the heat of desire between my legs grow and I couldn’t control myself. The hormones during pregnancy made me easily aroused lately.
I walked briskly over to him and he lifted me up by my waist and I wrapped my legs around him. He kissed me deeply and passionately. I didn’t care that the blood was staining my clothing. I sunk my hands into his hair, securing his face to mine as we continued to lock lips. He laid me down on the bed and ripped my shirt open freeing my now larger breasts. He broke the kiss and took one of my breasts in his mouth and I moaned out of pleasure. We were hungry for each other; he didn’t bother taking my skirts off he just pushed them up and I basically tore his britches open. As soon as he was free of them, he pushed himself into me hard and I arched my back and cried out of carnal pleasure. He moaned as he buried himself deep into me. He pulled back and with the next thrust I sat up and kissed him. He put his arm around my lower back and the other on my hip and held me tight against him. It was a blur of sweat, blood and sounds of ecstasy. Then sweet release. We held each other, breathless, for a while and then started laughing.
“That was unexpected” I said finally able to control myself.
“It was a nice surprise” He said grinning and then kissed me.
“alright we need to clean up and get ready to leave.” I said finally.
“Are you sure?” He said devilishly.
“yes…” I said as I slid myself away from him.
I was about to sit up to stand but then Declan got up and extended his hand to help me up. I didn’t hesitate and took it.
“thanks. It’s getting hard to move around.” I said gratefully.
“He’s getting bigger every week.” He said admiring my growing abdomen through my skirt.
“Yeah, and heavier.” I said putting a hand on my back.
I walked over to the wash basin and stripped my shirt off and began washing the blood off of myself.
“God Declan it’s all over me.” I said giggling and washing my breasts, neck and face.
“here I’ll come help you.” He said as he took the cloth from me and lovingly wiped away the blood smeared all over my back and neck.
“sorry about your shirt” He said with a grin.
“It’s ok I didn’t like it anyway.” I said back coyly.
“Do you want the guts for your sutures?” He asked thinking about how to disarticulate the deer
“No, I don’t have time to dry or prepare them before we leave, I should have enough but I’m hoping that I won’t have to use them. Also, I’m sure mom will have some in stock as well.” I said thinking about out long journey ahead of us. He finished wiping away the last of the blood off of me.
After he was done helping me, he started to clean himself off and I put on a new shirt and shawl and put the torn shirt in my medical trunk to clean and cut into strips for bandages later. Declan got dressed and took the deer to the long house for the women to skin and prepare for later. He then brought the wagon and horses closer to our macêkin to make packing easier. We got everything packed away and the macêkin now was empty minus what was already there when we first came. I exited the macêkin and Murtagh was already to go.
“Good Morning Murtagh” I said cheerfully
“Good Mornin lass, you’re glowin this mornin.” He said back with a grin.
“thank you.” I said smiling at the compliment.
I got into the wagon and we made our way to the front of Kamena’s macêkin and we got out to say our good byes. Michael and Sokanon were there with their son.
“Black wolf and we will see you in the Spring for the next collection of furs. Go safely and may the great spirit watch over you and your family.” Kamena said embracing Declan and then embracing me.
“thank you Okima. We are grateful for all the things you have done for us. We will return with many offerings for the next season.” Declan said as she was embracing me.
“I know your word is good.” She responded smiling.
She let me go and looked at me seriously
“I see great suffering in your path, but with suffering comes strength. Do not fall into the path of darkness white buffalo.” She said in a low tone so Declan couldn’t hear.
She then but a hand on our baby and said a blessing in Cree and then let me go.
I stood there shocked for a moment but pulled myself out of it so that I could say good bye to Sokanon and Michael.
“What did she say to you?” Declan asked me worried
“Nothing, don’t worry.” I said back plastering a smile on my face to keep my emotions in check.
“Michael, Sokanon. I’m going to miss you guys and your little boy. He is going to be so big when we get back.” I said embracing both of them.
“Thank you for everything you have done for me and our family. We will see you soon.” Sokanon said smiling at me
“aye we wouldn’t have made it without ya. We will nevar forget it and safe travels we’ll see ya in 6 monts.” Michael said to us.
“Watch over the trade and I’ll be back with money for you and your family.” Declan said embracing Michael.
“Safe travels and don’t worry I’ll keep tha brown brothers at bay” Michael said jokingly.
We both got into the wagon and took off. I was excited to be headed home and I knew Murtagh was too.
****1 month later – Somewhere in Upstate New York****
We had been on the road for a month now and the leaves were turning it was the end of August and going into September. I always loved fall time and the leaves changing. Didn’t get much in California but it was still beautiful.
We got to a clearing near a lake to water the horses and rest for a bit. Declan looked restless and so did Murtagh. They both looked at each other and it was like they were making a battle plan silently. I heard the rustling of leaves and I knew that we were surrounded.
“You can come out we know you are there.” Declan called out to our unexpected guests.
A group of young Native Americans came out. The leader wore a bright red coat and had a mostly shaved head except for one spot on the back of his head where a long braid came from. He also had a halo like crown of black and read feathers that went around the spot where the braid came from. Lastly a tall white blonde made his way out.
“Young Ian? Is tha really you lad?” Murtagh said with surprise.
I looked at the man and he was of fairer skin but was dressed like a native America.
“Murtagh?” He said surprised as well.
The tension was instantly relived as soon as the two men embraced. I let out the breath I was holding. Declan took his hand off of his knife and relaxed as well.
“What are you doing so far away from your home Cree half breed?” the leader spoke all of a sudden.
“Just passing through.” Declan said annoyed at the ‘half breed’ comment.
“Jane, come an meet yer cousin young Ian.” Murtagh said waving me over.
I walked over to the man and extended my hand.
“Cousin?” Young Ian said confused
“Aye, yer uncle Jamie took in Jane here as his own. She’s family an a doctor like yer aunty Claire.” Murtagh said beaming with pride.
“Ohhhh I see. Well, Cousin it’s good tah meet yah. I havenah spoken in the common tongue in quite some time so you’ll have tah excuse any misspoken parts.” He said shaking my hand.
“It’s nice to meet you too. He doesn’t look so young. Should probably start calling him Ian yes?” I said teasingly.
I looked over and saw Declan petting a wolf. I laughed to myself at the irony of him being called the black wolf and he was petting a wolf.
“Rolo!” young Ian called out.
The wolf came and trotted over to us and Declan followed.
“You’re Declan Harp.” Young Ian said with a tone of admiration
“And you are?” Declan said suspicious of him since he was probably the only white man part of the Iroquois.
“This is my cousin Young Ian. He is nephew to Jamie.” I said quickly to help ease the tension.
Declan relaxed and shook his hand.
“I heard you took out a whole company o red coats is tha true?” Ian said like a little fan boy.
“Don’t ask questions you don’t want answers to.” Declan responded
“Ian we are on our way to Frasers Ridge is there anything you’d like me to take to the family?” I offered to move things along.
“No, I’m no allowed to write lettars. Please jus let them know I am well and am a Father tah a strong lad.” Ian said beaming with pride.
“I will do that.” I said smiling
“We have seen you pass through this path many months ago with nothing and now you are coming with furs. This is Mohawk territory we cannot allow fur trade here with out payment.” The leader said interrupting our reunion.
Murtagh and Declan both looked at each other and then Murtagh looked at Ian.
“Wha do yah propose fer payment?” Murtagh said to Ian
“The trappin season was no so good fer us here if yah can part wi 30 pelts we would be inclined tah let yah pass through each time.” Ian said with hope in his voice.
“That’s too much 20 pelts and that’s my final offer” Declan said with annoyance.
Ian went and talked to the leader and I saw a nod and sighed in relief. It has been a tense hour or two.
“20 pelts it is then, each season.” Ian said shaking Declan’s hand.
Declan went and retrieved the pelts and handed them over to the other two Mohawk that were there. The leader signaled that they were leaving.
“It’s time fer me tah go now.” Ian said somberly.
“We miss ya lad, but I’ll let everyone know tha you are well.” Murtagh said sadly
The two men embraced, and Ian came and embraced me.
“Cousin I’m so very happy that I had tha chance tah meet yah.” He said smiling at me.
“Me too. Be safe and we’ll see you next season.” I said smiling back.
The Mohawk and Ian left and then we were alone. The horses were done drinking and we packed up and left as well.
The remainder of the journey was very tame, which I was grateful for as I was getting larger by the week. Traveling was getting a bit hard on the back, but we managed. I spent most of my time travelling in the back of the wagon with my feet propped up. I felt silly sitting in the back instead of the front with Declan but sitting for that long with my feet below me made my feet swell.
As per an earlier letter from Dah we were to meet them at River Run this would also give us an opportunity to see Jocasta and perhaps convince her to buy any of the furs that we had for the winter to come. We arrived the whole place was bustling, but Ulysses, as always, was out front to greet us.
“Miss Jane and Mister Harp, Mister Fitzgibbons, welcome back to River Run. Shall I announce you to Mistress Cameron?” he said bowing to us.
“Actually, Ulysses It’s Misses Harp now and yes please let Mistress Cameron know we have arrived.” I said smiling at the older slave.
It felt strange seeing slaves again. In Canada there wasn’t much slavery, so it was odd being around it again.
“Ah congratulations Misses Harp. I’ll let the mistress know, and we will prepare the other rooms for you all. Please let us know if you need anything else. Also please pardon the chaos currently we are preparing for a gathering.” He said and then walked back to the house.
We followed with what we needed and got to the parlor. Jocasta was waiting for us.
“So good tah see ya and I hear congratulations are in order Misses Harp” Jocasta said as she got up and opened her arms to embrace me.
“It’s good to see you again Jocasta.” I embraced her and I could feel her surprise when she felt my stomach touch hers.
“Oh, you have a baern on tha way. What a joyous surprise this is!” She said putting her hands on my stomach after we had embraced.
“Move outtah tha way Jane and let me see mah bonny lass.” Murtagh said from behind me.
Jocasta’s face broke out into a huge smile and I moved aside quickly and Murtagh came up and hugged and kissed her. I looked at Declan and smiled awkwardly and walked around the two elderly couple making out in front of us and back to Declan’s side.
Declan cleared his throat and the two stopped and looked towards us.
“Oh, forgive me where are mah manners. Mister Harp congratulations to you too an welcome back tah River Run.” Jocasta said straightening her dress and catching her breath.
I giggled at the site.
“Well we will have a full house now that you three are here. You’ll be happy tah know that Jamie, Claire, Bree, Roger and Jemmy will be arrivin tonight as well fer tha gathering tonight.” Jocasta said with a broad smile.
“That is wonderful news. I figured that they would be arriving tomorrow. Oh, I didn’t bring anything to wear for a gathering.” I said nervously.
“Dinna fash yer self-lass, you may use one of mah gowns tonight. Mister Harp I’m sure we can find something to accommodate you as well.” Jocata said waiving her hand as if to brush away the worry in my voice.
“I think I’m going to take a rest before tonight’s festivities.” I said as I was ready to be off my feet.
“Aye, yer rooms should be all set by now. Phaedra!” Jocasta called out.
Phaedra came in and I smiled and rushed over to here and gave her a big hug.
“Mistress! It’s wonderful tah see yah.” She said hugging me back fiercely
“Oh, Phaedra I’ve missed you! There is so much to tell you.” I said excitedly.
“Mistress yer wi child. Wha a blessin!” She said admiring my larger stomach.
“Thank you, Phaedra.” I said squeezing her hand.
“Phaedra please show Mister and Misses Harp tah their chambers. Also please find something for them tha wear fer tonight.” Jocasta said
“of course, mistress Cameron” She said as she curtsied.
She walked towards the stairs and Declan and I followed. I followed very slowly. God the weight was so hard on my back. I finally got to the top and Phaedra and Declan were waiting for me at the top. I smiled embarrassed that they were waiting, and he smiled back at me sympathetically. We got to our room and I went to the bed, kicked off my shoes and laid down and was so happy to be laying down. Then I felt something strange. It was like a pressure but coming from inside of me. I realized what was happening.
“Declan!” I called out.
He rushed over worried that something had happened. I grabbed his hand and put it on my belly where I felt the movement. The movement happened again and Declan’s face went blank. I watched his face as it went from blank to pure happiness. I had never seen him shocked before it was a new emotion on his face.
“I can feel him.” He said softly
“That’s our son.” I said with tears in my eyes.
“He’s strong” He said choking up a bit.
“Just like his father.” I said wiping tears from my eyes.
He knelt by the bed and put both hands on my stomach and waited for more movement to feel. There was some but then it stopped. I watched and he had a smile on his face the whole time.
“He’s really in there isn’t he?” he said after the baby had stopped moving.
“He is and I know he’s going to love you.” I said touching his face.
We sat together like this for a while as we were both mesmerized with the life that was inside and couldn’t’ be seen.
There was a knock at the door and Declan answered. It was Phaedra.
“Mister and Misses Harp dinner will be ready shortly and here are the clothing that Mistress Cameron requested be brought tah you. If yah need help wi dressin mistress Harp, please call fer me.” She said as she came in an put the clothes on a chair by our bed.
“Phaedra please call me Jane. We are good enough friends for you to call me by my first name. Also, yes, I will need your help to get dressed as I currently cannot bend at the waist comfortably. I’ll call you when I need you.” I said as I sat up slowly onto the edge of the bed.
“yes Miss Jane” Phaedra curtsied and left. Declan shut the door.
“Do we have to dress up like dandies again?” He said with a tinge of annoyance.
“We are guests of Jocasta, we can’t insult her, so yes.” I said reluctantly
“We need to stop coming here when she is having parties.” He said jokingly
“yeah I know I’m dreading being on my feet for such a long time. Especially in these shoes. I don’t think I’ll be wearing them actually. I don’t think my feet would even fit in them.” I said laughing.
Declan smiled, pulled me in by my waist and bent down and kissed me.
“well I better start getting dressed now or else my dinner will be cold by the time I get down there.” I said jokingly
“I’m sure that’s why Phaedra came up to let us know now rather than later.” Declan said laughing.
Declan got done getting dressed and I called Phaedra in to help me get in costume. The gown was heavy, and I swear my back was going to break from all the excessive weight. The dress was gorgeous though. It was emerald silk with black floral embroidery all over it. Phaedra put my hair up into a nice braided updo with a lace cap over the bun. After Phaedra helped me finish dressing, she left, and I was alone in our room putting on some borrowed jewelry. The earrings were black pearls with a matching necklace. I pulled out the Fraser sash and brooch that Dah had given me and put it on over my dress. I looked out the window and noticed a wagon pulling up with some riders on horses by it and I knew it was my family. My heart leapt with joy and I finished clasping the brooch and rushed out of the room. When I got to the stairs they had pulled up to the front and were in the foyer.
“Dah!” I exclaimed.
“Nighean!” He said looking up the stairs at me.
I slowly made my way down the stairs and he walked to the bottom and hugged me tightly.
“I missed you so much!” I said trying to hold back my tears.
“I’ve missed yah too nighean, it’s good tah see yah and we were thrilled when we heard tha news.” He said admiring my size.
He ran a hand over the brooch and smiled.
“I figured you would be. I’m not sure if you got my last letter but I’m married now.” I said holding up my left hand showing him the gold ring.
“I knew he’d make an honest woman o you.” He smiled broadly.
“Dah, please I would have been happy without being married too.” I said as I turned to Declan.
“Declan it’s good tah see yah again.” Jamie said shaking his hand and then pulling him in for an embrace.
“you too Jamie. I hope that the distillery business has been good?” Declan said as both men started in on business conversation.
I took this opportunity to say hello to everyone else.
“Mom, Bree.” I said turned to Claire and Bree and gave them both a hug.
“You look well darling. How has the pregnancy been?” Claire asked curiously.
“it’s been good, things are getting heavy and morning sickness has subsided and…he’s started to move.” I said excitedly.
“Isn’t it an alien feeling?” Bree said.
“It really is.” I said in agreement.
It was strange feeling something move inside of me. Knowing that there is another living thing in there. I greeted Roger and Jem. Murtagh and Jocasta came down the stairs and the joyous reunion continued. I couldn’t believe that we were back in River Run it was a dream come true for me.
“The guests will be arrivin soon, so you all bettar go and freshin yer selves up.” Jocasta ordered the Frasers that just arrived.
“Aye, there will be plenty o time tah catch up over suppahr.” Jamie said winking at me.
I smiled and they all went up to their respective rooms and prepared for tonight. Declan and I went out on the porch to get some air. Declan was wearing a simple but still formal outfit. He wore dark britches, boots, white shirt tucked in with a black waistcoat, cravat and a dark blue coat. I could tell he was uncomfortable with the cravat, so I loosened it up a bit for him.
“Thanks” He said smiling at me.
“You look silly with that thing on. Men’s fashion in this time is so odd.” I said checking out his coat and waist coat.
“What is fashion like in your time?” he asked me
“well it’s odd too.” I said grinning at the thought of men in skinny jeans and tall tees.
It had been a while since I spoke of the future. It was as if it was a long time ago. I had been here almost a year now and so much had happened. I didn’t even know what to think. We saw multiple carriages coming up the way. Declan and I looked at each other and smiled reassuringly to each other.
The night was full of laughter and festivities as per usual. Jocasta was a wonderful hostess and knew how to throw a party. She even broke out the good wine and some of Dah’s whiskey. I couldn’t have any of it and was a little irritated about it, but it was fun watching the other get drunk. Declan and Dah were basically sown at the hip together especially when Dah broke out the cards.
The party went late into the night and finally everyone had gone to their quarters to sleep. It was nice to sleep in a bed but unfortunately someone was dancing on my bladder and I was rudely awakened to go use the privy. I slowly made my way to the privy, relieved myself and made my way back to the house. As I was got to the top of the stairs, I heard the door to Jocasta’s room open, and two men rushed out. The moon was full that night and I saw the men’s faces.
When I saw the first face my heart dropped into my stomach; it was Captain Barlow; I put my hand protectively over my baby. I saw the others man’s face and he was blonde with green eyes and a scar on his left cheek. There was something about him that just reeked of evil. They were both in dark clothing and Barlow was carrying something in a box.
I was too shocked and scared to make noise and before I could the other man had swiftly closed the distance between us and pushed me backwards with a hard shove. I reached for the banister but missed. It felt like I was falling forever. I curled up as much as I could to protect my core, to protect my baby. After what seemed like an eternity, of baseball bats hitting my body, I had finally come to a stop at the bottom. I could feel a broken rib. Blood running down my face. I could also feel warm liquid coming from inside me running between my legs. I couldn’t move for fear of them finishing the job. I kept my eyes closed and pretended I was knocked out. I heard them run down the stairs and one of them crouch down to inspect my state of consciousness.
“Well that’s one way to take care of a problem, better make sure for good measure. Eh Bonnet?” Barlow said to the other man.
I then felt a heel of a boot slam down on my abdomen so hard that I felt like my eyes would bulge out of my skull. I looked up wide eyed at Barlow grinning down at me. I then looked down and saw the heel of his boot deep in my abdomen. The wind was knocked out of me and I couldn’t make a noise. He lifted his boot and I could still see where my belly concaved inward where his boot once was. I curled up into a ball from the pain gasping for air.
“Christ, man yer ruthless.” Bonnet said casually in his Irish accent.
‘Bonnet?’ I thought ‘Stephen Bonnet.’ The man who had raped my sister. Killed Duncan Innes right before mom’s eyes and then robbed Mom and Dah. With, Barlow, the man who tortured me. This had to be a nightmare. I prayed that I would wake up soon. I tried to will myself to wake up, but, nothing.
“I knew I’d see you again, my dear and now I know where to find you. I’ll be coming back to finish my work on you soon.” Barlow whispered to me as he tucked my hair away from my face.
I flinched and shook at his touch. I heard a door open upstairs. Bonnet rushed to the door struggling to open it in the dark. Before Barlow could get up I grabbed his foot and tripped him. He looked back at me and took his other foot and kicked me in the face and I cried out from pai and let go of his foot. He scrambled up and at the door.
“Who’s there?” Came Jamie’s voice.
I turned my face towards the top of the stairs and croaked out “Dah”
“Nighean, is tha you?” Jamie called out with surprise in his voice.
“he…he…help me…” I managed to get out.
I saw a source of illumination come from overhead
“NIGHEAN!” I head Jamie cry out and he leaped down the stairs and checked on me then he held the candle up and saw the two men fleeing out the door. He set the candle down and chased after them.
“Jamie? What’s the matter? What’s with…OH MY GOD! JANE!” I heard Claire’s voice come from the top of the stairs.
I heard her come down the stairs and I she carefully flipped me onto my back and started to examine me.
“DECLAN, BREE!” I heard Claire call out.
The door to our room flung open and out of my good eye I could see Declan’s blurred figure emerge at the top of the stairs. I could feel my blood pressure dropping and my heart pounding and I knew I would lose consciousness soon.
“JANE!” Declan yelled from the top of the stairs. I could hear the pain in his voice.
I felt come to my side. He had tears in his eyes.
“who did this?” He asked me frantically with taking my hand in his.
“Barlow…and B..B…Bonnet” I stuttered.
“What did you just say?” Bree’s voice came from behind Declan
“Barlow and Bonnet” I said more forcefully
I coughed as I was choking on the blood running down my throat from my broken nose. Claire and Bree went quiet.
“Mom, Please…my baby…” I said through tears of pain and fear.
I gripped her and Declan’s hands as I felt a contraction.
“no, it’s not time yet…it’s too soon. Please...” I cried out from the pain.
“Don’t push, Darling, just breath, I will do everything to save both of you.” Claire said to me reassuringly.
I watched Declan run out of the door and grab a hatchet from the chopping block out front.
“Declan!” I called after him, but he didn’t turn around and I saw him disappear from my sight. I looked back up at Claire frantically.
“Mom, Bree. I’m sorry.” I said
“hush now darling. Nothing to be sorry for
I remember being in and out of consciousness. Flashes of bloody surgical instruments, Claire and Bree’s faces. I could hear reassuring words from Bree, but I couldn’t make sense of them.
I finally gave into exhaustion and passed out. I don’t know how long I was out for, but I never wanted to wake up. It was the first time ever that I wished for my death.
I woke up in our room at River Run. It was sunny and I could hear the slaves working in the fields. I looked around and Claire was sleeping in the chair next to the bed. I sat up quickly and winced in pain. My ribs were broken for sure and I put a hand to my face, and I could feel the few stitches on my hair line and the swollen lip under my fingertips. I put a trembling hand on my abdomen, and it was flat, my baby was gone.
I wrapped my arms around my abdomen and wept. I fell over onto the bed and curled up into fetal position and continued to wail. I felt Claire get into bed behind me and she held me.
“Darling I’m so sorry. It was just too early for him.” She said holding me tight and stroking my head.
“Where is he? I want to see him once before we…” I said through choked breaths.
Claire stopped stroking my hair
“Shhhhh, Don’t think about that now; I’ll get him for you.” She said as she got up.
I sat up in bed and looked eagerly waiting to see my child. She brought over a small bundle of cloth that he was wrapped in. I reached out when she got closer to take him. He was so light. It was like he didn’t even exist. I cradled him and looked down at his face. They had cleaned him. His skin was so pale I could see the delicate vascular structures under his thin skin. I counted his fingers and toes. Ten out of ten. His hair was dark brown and hasn’t developed into the black it would have been. I held him tight and kissed his forehead and talked to him.
“My Ghrian (Sun).” I whispered to him.
“Is that his name?” Claire said as she sat next to me putting an arm around me.
“It is...” I whispered out.
We sat together for about an hour then Bree came in.
“Mama, can Jane have visitors?” Bree asked timidly
“Yes, baby come on in.” Claire said
Bree slowly came over and sat at the foot of the bed, but I barely acknowledged her. I was trying to memorize the face of my son. How he had Declan’s nose and lips but had my ears and eyes. He was perfect in every way except for one. He wasn’t alive.
“Jane, if you need anything at all just let me and mama know we are going to take good care of you.” Bree said as she put a hand on my leg in reassurance.
I looked up and smiled back.
“Thanks Bree, would you like to see him?” I asked Bree
She looked shocked, but then nodded and came closer.
“He looks just like you.” Bree said as reassuringly as she could but I could still see she was uncomfortable.
“He is perfect.” I said stroking his cold pale cheek.
“Darling, where would you like to lay him to rest?” Claire asked uncomfortably.
“Not yet. Just a little longer…at least let his father see him.” I said.
I wasn’t ready to let him go. I heard the front door open and then Jamie and Declan’s voices.
“I’ll go get him.” Bree said anxiously as she stood up and left.
I knew being around a deceased baby was hard for her especially when Jem was no more than a year old. Claire continued to sit with an arm around me.
“I know how you are feeling darling, I’m so sorry I wish I could take it away from you.” Claire said comfortingly.
“Have you lost a child?” I asked surprised
“Yes, my first daughter, Faith.” She said looking at me sympathetically.
She told me of the time when they were in France and I could see the same hurt in her eyes as I felt.
“How did you move on?” I said feeling so empty and hollow.
“You need to forgive yourself. Keep living life and find joy for what you still have. You still have Declan and us. You can try again when you are ready. You are allowed to be sad and grieve for your child but after that you need to find a way to forgive yourself. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.” Claire said as sympathetically as she could.
“But what if I could have? What if…” I trailed off.
“No, you stop right there. You need to let go of the probabilities and the computations. You can’t logically explain any of this or place blame here or there. You’ll go mad if you do that.” She said sternly.
“I tried, I tried to protect him.” I said sobbing.
“I know darling. We all know.” She said wiping the tears away from my face.
We both heard the door open and it was Jamie and Declan. They had just gotten back from chasing Stephen Bonnet and Barlow. They were both covered in dirt and there were rips and stains on their shirts.
“Declan…” I said relieved that they were back.
“Jane…” Declan said as he walked over to the bed and knelt by the bed.
Claire moved out of the way and he moved closer. He looked down at our child in my arms and he wept. He cupped the back of the child’s head and kissed his softly on his tiny head.
“I named him, Ghrian, it means the sun.” I said.
“It’s perfect.” He looked up and wiped his eyes.
“I’m glad you got to see him before...” I couldn’t finish the sentence.
I looked up at Jamie and Claire and they looked at me with understanding.
“We know what it is tah lose a child. I’m sorry we couldnah bring yah justice today but I promise Stephen bonnet and Captain Barlow will no get away wi what they have done. I swear it, nighean.” Jamie said with calculated anger in his eyes.
“Not without me. Barlow is mine to kill. I will burn this whole fucking colony down if I have to.” Declan said menacingly.
He stood up and turned to Jamie.
“Swear that he will suffer at my hand and my hand only.” Declan said staring Jamie in the eye.
“I swear it Declan.” Jamie said as they shook hands.
“Stop, please” I interjected looking at both men
“I don’t want to bury my son like this! Please let me bury him in peace?!” I said with hot angry tears running down my face.
Claire came to my side and held me looking reproachfully at both men.
“she’s right. You two should be ashamed of yourselves. Speaking of such ill things when there are more important things to worry about.” Claire said sternly.
Jamie and Declan both looked ashamed and Claire continued to scold them, but I was more focused on saying goodbye to my son to pay attention to what she said to them.
“I’m ready. I’m ready, to bury him.” I said and the yelling stopped.
“Are you sure Darling?” Claire said surprised.
“Yes, I’m sure.” I said more confidently.
Declan came over and we both gave Ghrian one final kiss and then Claire took him from me. She stopped in front of Jamie and Jamie said something in Gaelic. I couldn’t hear but I saw tears streaming down his face after. They both walked out and left Declan and me alone.
“I’m sorry.” I whispered out staring off in the room.
I couldn’t look him in the eye. Not after my failure.
“Jane, why would you say that?” He asked with hurt in his eyes.
“I was supposed to protect him, and I couldn’t.” I said pulling my knees up and hugging them.
Declan came and sat by me. I pulled away. I felt like I didn’t deserve any love.
“Jane…” he said
“I failed. I failed as a mother, a wife. I failed.” I said plainly.
“No, you didn’t. Don’t blame yourself for this.” He said holding me in his arms on the bed.
“I don’t deserve you. I am a curse. Maybe things would be better without me.” I said thinking of all the bad things that had happened. I felt like I only brought destruction with me.
“Don’t say that!” Declan said grabbing me by the shoulders and forcefully turning me to him.
“Why?!? This wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t come back in time! You would be happy and with Grace and she would be safe and you two would have children by now!” I yelled fighting him off.
Hot tears were running down my face and my side hurt from my broken rib and breathing too hard, but I didn’t care. The pain was dulled by the rush of anger coursing through my veins.
“Do you wish that we had never met?” Declan asked hurt.
“You wouldn’t have to suffer like this if we hadn’t. How can you love me after something like this? I don’t care if I live or die anymore!” I said shoving him away from me.
“STOP! Don’t you ever fucking say that again! I love you and I NEED you to live. I mourn our son’s death just as much as you do. I feel his loss too! He was OURS! Don’t you dare think that you are the cause of this!” He yelled as he looked into my eyes.
I could see the intensity in them, and it shocked me to see him look at me with so much anger. He then pulled me into an embrace. I tried to beat him away, but I gave up and held him back. Then I was crying. He finally let up after I had calmed down.
“You should hate me, I hate me.” I said
“I could never hate you kiyôtêw so you shouldn’t hate yourself. You have to live on for our son.” He said lovingly running his hand through my hair.
He looked deep into my eyes and I could see that he was also suffering, and I realized I was being selfish. Then I remembered what Kamena said to me ‘I see great suffering in your path, but with suffering comes strength. Do not fall into the path of darkness white buffalo.’ Her voice rang in my head.
“I love you too.” I said smiling back at him.
It was a small and simple ceremony. We buried him by the large oak tree. Declan put a turquoise necklace in the coffin with him and then burned sage over the body while chanting a Cree prayer. I couldn’t bear to watch as they lowered him into the ground, I turned my face into Declan’s shoulder, and he put his arm around me and held me. Everyone left after they had finished covering up the grave, except for Declan and me.
“I wish he could have been be buried in the north” I said finally to break the silence
“I know, kiyôtêw, I do too.” He said putting an arm around my shoulders.
We stood there until it was dark and then we both reluctantly went back to the house full of the living.

Chapter Text

Declan had left to search for Barlow and there was nothing I could do to stop him. He was consumed with revenge and I begged him to stay. Even Jamie tried to reason with him, but nothing could satiate his need for blood. I told him I needed him, and he still left. My heart felt like it was broken beyond repair and I felt empty.
I just wanted to get back to normal it didn’t help that everyone kept tip toeing around me and being careful. I felt like I was being treated like some fragile thing. I spent most of my time sitting in my room because it was the only place, I didn’t feel people staring at me. I heard a knock at the door.
“come in” I called over my shoulder looking out the window.
“Nighean, would yah like tah join me on tha rivar fer some fishin?” Jamie said.
“sure” I said hollowly.
I got up and grabbed my coat and we both made our way out. I was still pretty bruised from my fall but healed enough to ride on my own. We rode along the bank a long way till the river turned and slowed down. We dismounted and we both set up our rods and flies.
“Nighean, yer makin faces again. Is there somethin yer mind?” Dah said with a concerned smile on his face.
“I’m just tired of being treated like I’m broken. I am still alive. I am still able to do things. I am tired of feeling helpless. What happened to me shouldn’t define me as a person.” I said throwing down my rod in frustration.
Jamie came over and picked up my rod and took the fly that I was trying to tie on it and tied it on expertly for me.
“We know how strong ya are nighean, but we are yer family. We will always worry about ya. It doesnah mean we believe you tah be weak.” He said handing me the rod.
“I hate feeling like this. I hate feeling so helpless. I wish he hadn’t gone. What a stubborn asshat.” I said as I started casting.
“I canna believe how similar ya are tah yer mothar despite not sharin any blood. Aye, he was a fool tah leave yah nighean, but he will return. He loves yah an nothin will keep him away from yah fer too long.” Jamie said as he was pulling a fish in.
“I don’t know Dah. You should have seen him. I’ve never seen him so…consumed.” I said with worry in my voice.
“I know lass. I remember being lost in mah own rage when yer mother and I were in France. Nothing mattered more than killing Randall especially aftar wha he tried tah do tah Fergus, but I came back an so will he. Be patient lass.” He said walking over to me and putting an arm around my shoulder.
“Thanks Dah.” I said wrapping an arm around his waist and leaning my head against his shoulder.
Jamie always knew what to say to make me feel better. It was therapeutic being on the water and just casting too. My mind flashed back to the day Declan left.
******A week ago-Riverrun******
“No!” I said angrily
“I have to go.” Declan said adamantly.
“I don’t fucking care! I NEED you here with me now. Doesn’t that matter more than revenge?!” I yelled back at him.
“I can’t just sit here and do nothing Jane!” Declan snapped.
“FINE go then! I don’t fucking care anymore. I’m tired of begging you to stay when you clearly want to go.” I said crossly.
We had been fighting about this for the past few days. I didn’t want him to go but I couldn’t make him stay either. I knew he would go, it just hurt that it was so easy for him to leave me alone again.
“kiyôtêw, I have to do this.” He said softly touching my shoulder.
“No, Declan. You don’t have to. You want to.” I said shrinking away from his touch.
“Yes, I want to. I want to make him pay for everything. Don’t you?” He said challengingly.
“FUCK YOU! How dare you say that to me!” I said grabbing the wash basin and throwing it at his head.
He ducked out of the way and it crashed against the wall behind him.
“Jane! Stop!” He bellowed.
“Of course, I want him dead! Of course, I want to make him pay! but not at the expense of us being apart again.” I spat back at him. I was shaking with anger.
“I can’t just wait for him to come around to hurt you again kiyôtêw. He said that he would come back for you and I can’t let that happen. You are safer here with your family and if he is out of the picture.” He said embracing me and trying to calm me down.
“You are my family too. I’m asking you. Please don’t go.” I said attempting one last time to change his mind.
“You know I can’t do that. This is the only way to keep you safe and to avenge our boy. I love you too.” He said as he bent down to kiss me one last time before he left to go hunt down our son’s killer. I stood there in the quite for a while, stunned, couldn’t believe he left me, again.
******Present time-Riverrun******
“Jane?” Jamie asked worriedly
“Yes?” I said coming out of my daze.
“Are you alright, nighean? I’ve been callin you fer a while now. It’s time tah go back.” He said
“yeah I was just daydreaming.” I responded sadly.
We packed up the fish and walked back to the house. We were to leave for Frasers Ridge tomorrow. It would be nice to be back on the Ridge, but everything felt wrong without Declan here. I felt like part of me was missing.
Dinner was served shortly afterwards, and I decided to join the family for dinner tonight. I needed to stop sulking and isolating myself. I walked into the dining room and Jamie stood up.
“nighean, come an sit.” Jamie said smiling.
“Thanks Dah.” I smiled back and sat.
“Darling I’m so glad you decided to join us.” Claire said happily.
“Thanks mom.” I said as I sat down next to Bree and Jemmy.
“Aunty Jane! Up up!” Jemmy said reaching out to me.
“Hello Jem! OOF! You’ve gotten so big!” I took him into my lap from Bree and helped him eat some food.
After dinner we went to the parlor and chatted about what was new on the ridge. This is when I found out why Steven Bonnet and Barlow came to Riverrun. Rumor went around that Jocasta had some of the French gold that Louis was supposed to send to Bonny Prince Charles. The two had snuck in during the festivities. It was hard to hear that my unborn child had been killed over a rumor. In that moment I was glad Declan wasn’t there to hear this. I think he would have killed every red coat in his sight if that were the case. I hadn’t heard of any massacres from any towns, so it meant that Declan was being tactful with his journey for revenge. That I was grateful for because the less attention he got the less likely it would be that he would be caught.
Some of the news from the ridge was good but some of it was bad. Roger was mistaken for a traitor and had been hung on accident. Claire was able to resuscitate him through a cricothyrotomy. His voice was hoarser than I remembered and now I saw the scar on his neck from the procedure. I felt awful for him as he had such a lovely singing voice. I was impressed and sad that Claire had to resort to that but better alive than dead I suppose. I said that he should sue, but they had settled on 5000 acres of land next to Frasers Ridge. Dah had been bitten by a rattlesnake and almost died but Roger as able to keep him alive long enough to get him to Claire. Dah seemed to have grown a lot of respect for Roger and it made me happy to see that. Dah’s whiskey business has gone really well too, and he has quite the reputation. Claire had been able to grow penicillin and Bree was able to rig up a syringe out of a snake fang and build a kiln as well to make ceramic pipes. It was an overwhelming amount of information, but I was happy to have the distraction. The remainder of the night was full of whiskey and laughs but I still felt alone.
******Richmond******
I heard word that they were headed to port town in Virginia, so I followed. I had to keep a low profile, it was getting dark and there were quite a few red coats around. But I needed to find them. I got to the tavern and inquired about Stephen Bonnet and Captain Barlow. The tavern owner said that Bonnet and a man were loading Bonnets ship at the moment at the docks. I quickly left and made my way to the ships. Then I saw him Stephen Bonnet counting the barrels of what I knew to be illegal goods onto his ship. My quarrel wasn’t with him, but he had the information I needed to find Barlow. I walked around to the back of the barrels, knife in hand and as soon as I turned the corner, he had a pistol to my face. ‘Fuck’ I thought. I put my hands up and dropped the knife.
“Yer a big fella, do I know you?” He asked with a curled smile on him face.
“You don’t but I’m not here for you I’m here for your friend Barlow.” I replied flatly
“Ahhhhh Captain Barlow, aye, I know him. What interest is he tah you?” He said his smile turning down into a frown.
“That’s my business.” I said back to him.
He flicked his pistol towards the alley way, and I made my way there. He followed.
“well my business depends on him stayin alive so, if yer lookin tah harm him ten I can’t let ya go now can I?” Stephen Bonnet said pulling the hammer of the trigger back.
I steeled myself for death and had instant regret that I had left Jane. I knew she would never forgive me if I died here and now.
“Mister Harp?” a familiar voice came from behind Stephen Bonnet.
I looked past Stephen Bonnet and it was Lord John Grey.
“Sir, I command you to release Mister Harp from gun point and that you identify yourself at once.” John said with authority.
Stephen Bonnet lowered the gun but then quickly turned about and aimed the gun at John. I tackled him into the wall. The gun went off and missed John by inches. There was screaming and chaos from bystanders. Bonnet hit my back with the butt of his pistol, and I let go from the pain. He scrambled up and ran out the alley and turn the corner quickly. I went after him I chased him to the edge of the dock and threw one of my knives at him it grazed his side, but he was able to get away. I turned and saw John Grey following me.
“Mister harp are you alright? Who was that man?” He said concern on his face.
“Fuck! I’m fine. That was Stephen Bonnet. He has information I need.” I said kicking over a barrel.
“THE Stephen Bonnet?” He said surprised.
“yes” I said annoyed that he was repeating what I had just confirmed.
“Damn, you and I are both disappointed then. I must write Jamie at once about this. I’ll have my men out searching for him as well.” He said shocked that it was Bonnet.
“Thanks for saving my ass back there.” I said holding out a hand.
“You’re very welcome mister Harp. Please come join me at the estate and we can catch up on current events.” He said shaking my hand and motioning me the opposite direction of Stephen Bonnet.
I looked back just in case I could spot him, but he was gone. The bright side was that I could use John Greys influence to find Barlow instead. He was after all a lord in Britain.
We rode in a carriage that I barely fit in to the estate. It was quite the sight. We went to the parlor that was luxuriously decorated and filled with books and maps. Lord Grey had started a vineyard and was making his own wine now. He poured me and himself a glass and handed it to me. I sipped and it was…ok. It was his second or third batch, so it needed to age more. Had a sour taste but it was drinkable. I smiled and nursed it slowly to be polite.
“I’ve not been able to get a good age going at the moment so please forgive me if it is a bit tart.” He said noticing my face after the first sip.
“Well at least it won’t make me blind in my other eye.” I said in jest.
He laughed.
“You and Lady Jane are married?” John said with some amusement.
“and?” I said raising my eyebrow at him suspiciously.
“I’m so sorry, my amusement is not to offend I am sincerely happy for you two.” He said apologetically.
“No offense taken, but Jamie has been searching for Stephen Bonnet from what you said back at the dock?” I inquired hoping that I could get him to use his influence to find Barlow.
“Yes, I have been using my connections to find out where and what he has been doing for Jamie.” John said
“Would you be able to help me in locating someone as well?” I asked hopefully
“I will most certainly try to help you if I can.” John said with a smile.
“I am looking for a man named Captain Barlow.” I said
“Captain Barlow? Why, he’s runs the garrison in Brunswick does he not? I have heard that he is a distasteful man, but I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting him. What on earth would you want to find him for?” John asked surprised.
“It is a personal matter but let’s just say he deserves whatever I am going to do to him when I find him.” I said curling my hand in to a tight fist to control my anger.
“I cannot in good conscious condemn a man to harm without knowing what his transgressions are, mister Harp, you will have to tell me the truth.” John said challengingly.
“please stop calling me Mister Harp, just call me Declan.” I said annoyed at the fact.
I sighed it was painful just to remember what he had done, but John was an honorable man and I knew that the way to Barlow would be through him. I first told him of what happened to Jane at Brunswick. He kept a straight face through it all then when I told him of what happened in Riverrun his face changed.
“My God. I cannot imagine the horrors you both have been through. I swear that I will do everything in my power to help. I will not stand to have a monster like that amongst the honorable men of the British army.” John said with conviction.
I nodded in thanks. John was a former red coat, but I couldn’t hold it against him as he did help bring Jane into my life.
“I trust that you will need accommodations for the night, you are welcome to stay here. Also, are you plan on returning to Frasers Ridge?” John asked inquisitively
“Thank you and yes I’ll be leaving in the morning back to Frasers Ridge. I shouldn’t stay long as my presence might cause trouble for you. You do know I am a wanted man by your king.” I asked to be sure he knew what he was getting himself into.
“Declan, I don’t know if you know much about Jamie’s past, but I am perfectly capable of harboring a fugitive in the eyes of the king.” He said smiling at me.
“huh, I should ask Jamie about that.” I said amused that the high and righteous Jamie was a fugitive at some point in his life.
“It may be a delicate subject for him but I’m sure he would not mind telling you since you are his kin by marriage now, if I can request that you deliver somethings to Jamie for me, on your return to Frasers Ridge, I would be most grateful.” John asked
“sure, what do you need me to take?” I asked wondering what I would be taking.
“just a couple of casks of wine and then a gift for Jamie from my son and of course a letter. I will provide the horse and wagon of course and other provisions you will need for your journey.” John said worried that I would change my mind.
“it’s not a problem I can deliver those for you.” I said reassuringly.
“How is Misses Harp fairing?” John aske curiously
“Jane? I guess I’ll find out when I see her.” I said
“I take it that she wasn’t happy with you coming on your little adventure to Virginia?” John asked intuitively
“no, I’m afraid that I didn’t leave on great terms with my wife at the moment.” I said with a guilty smile on my face.
“She will forgive you. I’m sure of it.” He said putting a hand on my mine.
I pulled away from him uncomfortable with the unsolicited touch from him.
“Do forgive me I have had quite a bit to drink tonight. Please do not take that as an advance. I was merely trying to comfort you.” He said flushed with embarrassment.
“It’s alright, I just don’t enjoy being touched.” I said awkwardly.
I knew about his preference, but I didn’t want any more advances. He looked hurt but then recovered.
“Let us retire to the dining room for supper, shall we? I would very much like to hear more about news from the Frasers.” John said quickly to avoid anymore awkwardness.
I nodded and we had dinner and the rest of the evening was smooth. I told him of what I knew but conversation changed to the fur trade. He told me some interesting news of the HBC though. Apparently the NWC had been unrooting the HBC in the north and that Lord Fisher was getting grief from his investors. It made me smile knowing that Michael and the Brown brothers were making a difference on a larger scale. He also assured me that he would find out where Barlow was for me. It was late and I was ready to sleep. I hadn’t had a good bed in some weeks and was ready for the morning to leave for Frasers Ridge to see Jane again. To hold her and tell her I was sorry, that I was wrong.
******6 weeks later -Frasers Ridge******
I had fallen into a routine and it was nice not to think about anything but still be productive and have purpose. It was a distraction. I would wake up. Feed the livestock. Help gather eggs and help with breakfast. I would help Claire in the surgery and then would also help Dah with the whiskey. Dah and Roger were often called away on business since he was made an Indian agent by the new governor, so it was mostly just us women here doing the work.
In the evenings I would sometimes eat with Dah and Mom. Bree and Roger would usually eat together with Jemmy. Occasionally they would come up to the big house to eat with us. Most nights I would eat on my own just to give Dah and Mom time alone. I was the fifth wheel again and it was irritating. I was unsure of how I felt about Declan and didn’t know what I would do when he came back. Part of me wanted nothing more than to have him back and never let him go. The other part wanted to hit him square in the nose and break it. The conflict in me was immeasurable I struggled every day with it. It had been 6 weeks and no word from him, and it drove me insane. I wished for nothing more than cellular devices or even a fucking rotary phone to be invented. I missed him and hated him at the same time. I often would go to bed with feelings of mixed emotion which lead to insomnia. I would wake feeling exhausted but would still work myself to the bone just to distract myself. I guess I should have been used to it after the first time he left me, but I wasn’t, this was different. There wasn’t a real reason he needed to leave me.
I was in the surgery with Claire and I were helping her draw up the plans to make Ether to help put people under during surgery.
“Darling, you should take a day off.” Claire said with a worried expression on her face.
“It’s ok mom. There is a lot of work to do, I’m fine. I promise.” I said as reassuringly as possible.
“Young Lady, you will go take a day off. I can manage just fine without you for today in the surgery, also Malva is here if I need help. Go take a day off. You need it.” She said sternly.
Malva Christie was the daughter of the school master, Thomas Christie, that had just moved here with her brother Allan. She was sort of an apprentice under me and Claire. She was fascinated with all the sciences and it made me happy that she was so progressive in this time of age where women were viewed as less. She had taken a liking to Claire, but in all honesty she kind of gave me the heebie jeebies.
“What would I do? It’s my own thoughts that are haunting me. It’s the work that is keeping me sane.” I said back irritated that she was trying to take that away from me.
“You are avoiding your feelings. Go throw rocks into the river or hit a grain sack or something to get your anger out.” She said again more forcefully.
“I’m…” I started
“Go and not another word” Clarie scolded.
“FINE, I’ll go.” I said reluctantly.
Maybe Claire was right. It was a hot day so I decided to go for a swim, I let Mrs. Bug know as one should always let others know where you are during the 18th century. There was news of bandits raiding in the backcountry and I wasn’t about to get kidnapped without leaving a trace. Although I wouldn’t mind a brawl to get all my frustrations out. I packed a bag with a drying cloth, apple, bread, cheese and a flask of water and one with whiskey and for safety a knife and a rifle. I put the saddle and bridle on one of the horses and decided to go out towards the fields that we weren’t using before my swim. When I got there, I urged the horse to go at full speed. I wanted to feel the rush of going fast and the wind in my hair. We went for about 5 laps before I slowed the horse down and took him to the lake. I sat and ate as the horse gratefully took a rest and drank from the lake. I gave the horse half of the apple that I had, and he happily ate it. I patted him on the nose and realized that I was rather sweaty from the adrenaline rush I had just induced from the ride in the fields. I looked around to ensure that I was alone. The lake was out of the way, so I figured it was safe. I stripped down to nothing and hung my clothes to air out on a nearby bush. I stepped into the water it was cool and felt nice. As soon as I was waist deep, I dove in. It was like washing away all the stress. I swam to the middle of the lake and then floated on my back for a bit. The wind felt nice on my exposed breasts and skin. I couldn’t hear anything with my ears under the water. It was peaceful. I floated for what seemed like forever. I then felt a hand grasp my arm and pull. The peace was broken in an instant. I flailed at my assailant and kicked furiously I felt my foot connect with my attacker’s abdomen and yelped out of surprise and went under for a bit. I swam frantically upward to face the stranger, pulling my hair and water frantically away from my face, and then I heard his voice.
“Jane! Stop it’s me!”
I recognized the voice and I stopped trying to fight off my supposed attacker. It was Declan.
“WHAT THE FUCK!? You scared me half to death!” I screamed angrily splashing water in his face out of anger.
“I thought you had drowned! I called to you from the bank, but you didn’t respond! What was I supposed to fucking think?!?!” Declan said angrily.
“YOU DO NOT GET TO BE MAD, YOU LEFT ME ALONE WHEN I NEEDED YOU THE MOST!” I yelled choking up a bit.
I saw the look for hurt on his face and we treaded water for a bit in silence. I didn’t want to hear his excuses, so I swam for the shore and he followed.
As soon as I we made it onto the shore, he grabbed me by the wrist and turned me to him. I pulled my wrist from his grip and glared at him making a poor attempt to cover my nakedness with my hands and arms. It hated being naked at this moment. I felt so vulnerable when I wanted to be angry and confident. We stood In silence for a minute.
“well…have you got anything to say?” I said annoyed.
“You’re right I don’t get to be mad. I’m sorry.” He said with a hurt expression in his eyes.
“you’re sorry! It’s a little late for that now isn’t it?! I don’t even know what to say to you! 6 weeks! And no word! Do you have any idea how worried I have been? Of course not. No consideration for me whatsoever Declan. I am your WIFE. I am so angry with you!” I said walking to my bag and grabbing the drying cloth and wrapping it tightly around me.
He came closer to hold me and I slapped him. Looking up at him in defiance. How on earth did he think that I was just going to forgive him like that.
He looked down at me with sorrow in his eyes. He was shirtless and soaking wet, I could feel heat in my face. I felt desire burn in me. I tried to push it aside because I was VERY mad at him, but I couldn’t, I longed for him too much. He came closer again and touched my tense arm. It was in that moment my feelings overpowered me and I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him passionately. He kissed back hard and held me tight to him. I clawed at his britches and unbuttoned them. I needed him and I wasn’t going to wait. He got them off and he laid me down on the muddy bank. He entered me roughly and I cried out and dragged my nails down his back. He inhaled sharply. He stretched and filled me in ways that I hadn’t been in over a month.
“am I hurting you?” he asked concerned
“don’t be gentle I need you please.” I commanded him. I wrenched his head back by his hair and attacked his neck with kisses and bites.
He complied with my request and set a fast pace and I bucked my hips against every thrust to feel him deeper. I wrapped my legs around him and rolled us over so that I could be on top. He groaned as I sank down on top of him. He sat up and wrapped an arm around my waist and the other hand on one of my breasts and the other he covered with his mouth. The one hand massaging, pinching and pulling. I gasped from the waves of pleasure of having his hands on my naked body again. I held onto him and rode him fast and hard. I put a hand in his hair and roughly pulled his head back and kissed him. I could feel him getting closer. It was carnal and animal like; fucking and moaning loudly in the mud out in the open with not a care in the world.
“Declan…” I said breathlessly
“kiyôtêw.” He whispered into my ear.
He put his thumb on my clitoris and gently stroked it and it drove me over the edge. I sank down hard on him and climaxed. I threw my head back and cried out and managed to scare a family of birds out of the trees. As he climaxed, he pulled my lips to his and kissed me hard. I melted into him. I just loved feeling him against me I longed for his touch these past few weeks and now I had it. I looked deeply into his eyes, still buzzing from my release.
“I love you” I said
“I love you too.” He said back running a hand through my hair and pulling me in for another kiss. It was like drinking from a cool spring after being in the desert.
He lifted me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist as he carried me into the water. We washed the mud off each other silently. We both sat in the water enjoying each other’s touch; my back against his chest, his arms wrapped around me.
He had told me what had happened in Virginia. I smiled as I hadn’t thought of Lord John Grey in some time and I was happy that he was in good health and doing well for himself. I was looking forward to seeing him again and travelling to the north with him. He was quite the gentleman and when Declan told me what he had learned of his personal preference it made sense as to why he was so disinterested in me when we first met.
We both heard a branch snap behind us, and both stood up to face whoever was coming for us. “Nighean!? Are you all right? I heard…” Came Jamie’s voice through the trees.
Jamie came into view and took one look at me and went bright red
“Christ! will ya pu some clothin on?! Or cover yer self!? How can ya be so indecent in the open like tha!” Jamie yelled turning quickly to look away.
“Dah! What are you doing here?” I said running over to my clothes and hastily putting my them on.
“I heard ya shoutin, so I came tah see what all tha commotion was about and I find ya like this!” Jamie said yelled over his shoulder at me flustered.
“Well now you know what all the shouting was about.” I said a bit annoyed.
“I ken tha nighean. Fer Christ sakes Declan would you also pu some clothes on too?! It is bad enough tha I catch ya ruttin about wi mah daughter in tha wild. Have you no respect for yer wife man!?” Jamie shot back as he turned around again to give Declan some privacy.
“what the fuck did you just say to me?” Declan said dangerously taking a step towards Jamie with a closed fist.
I quickly got in between the two and glared at Jamie.
“Dah! I can rut with my husband wherever I please! You and mom haven’t exactly been discreet either in the past. I know stories that mom has told me about rutting in the wild with you. Have you no shame?” I hissed back at him.
“Watch wha ya say about yer mother! and wha I do wi her is nay concern of yours!” Jamie said hotly pointing a finger at me.
“An what I do wi my husband is nay concern of yours either!” I said back in a mocking Scottish accent taking a step closer to him and looking defiantly up at him.
“that...is tha WORST Scottish accent I have evar heard nighean. I expect bettahr out o’ you.” He said breaking out into a smile then laughter.
I smiled back and we started laughing and he embraced me.
“I’m sorry nighean, I dinna mean tah offend ya. I am yer father an I will always defend yer honor married or no.” Jamie said caringly.
“I know dah.” I said understandingly pulling him into an embrace.
Declan cleared his throat and Jamie and I both turned to him.
“as much as I love taking about…err…this with your father we should be heading back. I unfortunately have some business from Lord John that I need to relay to your father.” Declan said a little stiffly.
“Aye. Declan I’m sorry I lost mah temper. But it is good tah see you whole. I’m sure Mrs. Bug will have the midday meal ready fer us. Come I’m eager tah hear wha news you have brought ah us from Lord John Grey.” Jamie said holding out a hand to shake Declan’s.
Declan looked down at the hand, smiled and shook his hand and we all rode off towards the cabins. Declan and I rode my horse back and Jamie had Gideon. It was comforting having Declan’s strong body behind me riding a horse. It was like before Riverrun. I was…normal.
We got back to the big house and I could smell Mrs. Bug preparing the midday meal. We all walked into the kitchen.
“Oh Mr. Fraser, I see our guest has arrived. Mistress Claire told me, so I have prepared some o tha pheasants from tha other night. Wi some boiled potatoes. I hope tha will be enough for the big lad.” She said brightly.
“Mrs. Bug I’d like to introduce you to my husband Declan Harp.” I said just in case she was getting the wrong idea that Declan was available.
Mrs. Bug was quite the gossip and was fixing to match make any of the single women on the ridge.
“Ohhhhh, husband, I dinna ken tha you two were married Jane. My wha a handsome lad he is. You two are quite the match.” She said covering up the look of disappointment quickly.
I smiled at this.
“come now Mrs. Bug I know you were trying to set him up with one of the lasses here.” I said teasingly.
“Oh no! how could ya think such a thing!?!” She said shocked that I had called her out.
Declan smiled at the embarrassed Mrs. Bug
“Come let us sit an eat.” Jamie said as he went to the surgery to fetch Claire.
“Oh Declan, welcome back.” Claire said smiling brightly at him.
“Good to see you too Claire” He said back
Malva walked in and made a small noise when she saw Declan.
“Declan this is Malva Christie, she is the daughter of our school master. Malva this is Declan Harp, Jane’s husband.” Claire said introducing the two to each other.
“Very nice tah make yer acquaintance Mr. Harp.” Malva said looking up at Declan with a bowed head and a curtsy.
“Nice to meet you to and please just call me Declan.” He said uncomfortably at being called mister.
“If it pleases yah Mistress Claire, I will take mah leave now, mah father will be expectin me.” Malva said timidly.
“of course, Malva, I’ll see you tomorrow at the same time then.” Claire said sweetly.
Malva left and I noticed out of the corner of my eye that she looked back at Declan before she left through the door. I felt…an odd feeling that I hadn’t before…possessive. I shook the notion from my head, and we all sat around the table.
“Where are Bree, Roger and Jem?” I asked curiously and also wanting to get away from the feeling Malva gave me.
“they will be along shortly, dinna fash yer self and let’s begin.” Jamie said easily
We started to eat and as Dah predicted the three McKenzie’s came in. Jem wildly excited to see Declan, ran over to him and jumped in his lap unceremoniously.
“Uncle Declan!” He screamed joyously
Declan smiled and lifted the boy up in the air so that his head nearly touched the ceiling. Jem giggled at the experience of momentary weightlessness.
“did you miss me?” Declan asked already knowing the answer.
“yes! Loo wha daddy made me!” Jem cried out as he showed Declan the wooden toy car that was made.
“It’s a vroom!” Jem said beaming with pride
“a vroom?” Declan said looking up at all of us.
“It’s something from our time. I’ll explain later.” I said smiling at the futuristic invention.
“oh” Declan said understanding
We all went back to eating and chatted and I felt so wholesome having my family here. It was like an early thanksgiving and I loved it. I looked around and met Claire’s gaze. She nodded at me and I nodded back. We were both observant people so naturally we would both be watching everyone and taking in the whole scene.
“Looks like the ridge is doing good. I saw more tenants on my way in.” Declan said with a hint of admiration.
“Aye, but we still have much land tha we must rent out, but dinna fash we will soon have more tenants.” He said hiding his worry as he always did.
Claire and I knew better.
“You know you could just give some of it back to the Cherokee since it was rightfully theirs in the first place.” Declan said a little reproachfully.
“I would if I could Declan, but I would be marked a traitor again and that would hurt mah family.” Jamie said stiffly.
“Just an idea.” Declan said back shortly
“Well this was nice for 10 seconds.” I said annoyed at the little tiff that Declan had started.
“No more political talk at the dinner table.” Claire said annoyed as well.
“Aye, a fine idea. Let’s drink to it.” Roger said grabbing the whiskey bottle off of the shelf.
“Slàinte” Jamie said and took a sip of the whiskey.
After the meal Declan, Roger and Jamie retired to the study to chat.
****** In the Study ******
“what news do ya have fer me from Lord John Grey that could nah be discussed in front of my wife and daugters?” Jamie said grimly.
“It concerns our friend Stephen Bonnet.” Declan shot back seriously
Both Roger and Jamie’s faces fell. Jamie pounded his fist on the desk.
“tha devil himself canna keep tha man in hell even if he tried” Jamie said angrily
“you saw him?” Roger said softly
“I almost had him but he’s as slippery as an eel” Declan said bitterly
“Aye, we are familiar.” Jamie said reassuringly.
“I want to be tha one who does it.” Roger said firmly.
Declan and Jamie looked at each other and then at Roger.
“Are you sure Roger-Mac?” Jamie said with suspicion.
“Brianna is my wife. I, will avenger her honor” Roger said angrily
“Have you ever killed a man?” Declan asked seriously
Roger shook his head in silence and a grim look on his face.
“Aye, tis a serious thing ta say Roger-Mac.” Jamie replied.
“This monster is trying to take mah family from me and I will no stand by. I will defend wha I love.” Roger said passionately
Jamie nodded with a look of pride on his face.
Declan smirked and didn’t believe him but went along with it anyway.
******In the surgery******
“Jane, come look and see what Lord John has sent me” Claire said excitedly
“What is it?” I said looking at the glass filled with clear viscous liquid
“It’s vitriol oil” She said with a broad smile on her face.
“oh my god” I said finally understanding what she
“what?” Bree asked curiously
“we can make ether” I said with wonder
“ether? Like laughing gas?” she said confused
“yes, darling, we can finally operate properly. Ether makes it possible to perform surgery without having the patient feel pain.” Claire explained.
“Isn’t this a little much for this time?” Bree said concerned
“If we don’t disseminate the information on how to make it” I said understanding her meaning.
“We’ll as long as we do it under the name of Dr.Rowlings” Claire said with a wry smile.
“who is Dr. Rowlings?” I asked curiously
“Mama decided that she would ‘disseminate’ some modern medical advise under the name of Dr. Rowlings, the man that owned that medical chest over there.” Bree said with a bit of annoyance.
“well that’s just on the Ridge it’s not like it’s in a newspaper or anything…” I said thinking that the ridge was too far in the backcountry to really make any difference.
Bree looked at mom and then back to me.
“It accidentally was printed on the back of a page that Fergus took to put an ad in the Wilmington paper” Bree said annoyed
“oh dear” I said understanding the gravity of the situation.
“It wasn’t my fault. I didn’t mean it to get published” Claire said nonchalantly
“well I guess people in Wilmington will just be more educated than most of the colonies” I said jokingly.
We all laughed and went back to our chores and talking of how we were going to distill the ether.
A wagon pulled up with some unfamiliar faces. I looked over at Bree and Claire. They looked annoyed at the sight of them.
“who is that?” I asked them both
“It’s Lionel Brown and it looks like that is his wife” Claire said bitterly
“what happened? What did I miss?” I asked worried that there was going to be hostility.
“where do I begin? He tried to kill a fellow scots man during Alamance, but there wasn’t a way to prove it and worst of all he hates women so just be careful around him.” Bree said with worry in her eyes.
“He sounds LOVELY” I said sarcastically.
Jamie walked out of the big house with Roger. I didn’t see Declan, I panicked for a second but then realized that he was making himself scarce just in case the Browns wanted to call the Red coats on him. I looked over at Jamie and he nodded at me to confirm what I was thinking. I nodded back.
“Mr. Brown, What bring you to tha ridge?” Jamie asked suspiciously
“My wife. Shes…err…fallen and now she needs tending to by Mrs. Fraser.” Lionel replied.
“What seems to be the problem?” Claire asked walking towards the wagon to help Mrs. Brown out.
I walked over to help as well.
“I told you she fell.” Mr. Brown said irritated that we had ignored his “story”
We both looked back at him with contempt and continued to walk to the surgery with Mrs. Brown.
“I did fall.” She said timidly
Claire, Bree and I looked at each other and knowing that this was a lie.
“Jane what do you think?” Claire asked me as she held up the limp hand.
“let me take a look, May I touch your hand and wrist Mrs. Brown?” I asked her
She nodded her head in consent. I gingerly held the arm and gently touched around the bones in her wrist to see if they were aligned and they were not. I could see hemorrhaging under the skin and the skin was hot and I could see the pain in her face as she tried to look strong.
“with the way the hand is positioned I would say she has dislocated her wrist.” I said to Claire.
“What I thought as well. I’m afraid Mrs. Brown that we will have to reset the bones and splint the wrist. Meaning you cannot use or lift anything heavy for about a month, if you don’t follow my instructions you may become permanently crippled. Also you will need to come back in two weeks or so for me to check and see how you are healing.” Claire commanded
“But the chores, who will do them?” She said with fright in here eyes.
“Your husband” I said surprised that she had to ask.
She looked at me in horror.
“What she means to say is that you will need to find someone to help your husband while you are not able to.” Claire said looking at me with a warning.
I knew the mistake I had made, and I looked sheepishly downward.
“Aye I may be able to call on some of the women folk to help.” Mrs. Brown said reluctantly.
I could see the fear in her eyes. It made me angry.
“Mrs. Brown, this kind of injury doesn’t happen when you fall. It happens when someone pulls on your hand very hard and in the wrong direction. Did Mr. Brown do this to you?” Claire asked with worry in her eyes.
“It twas my fault, I should nah have done wha I read in tha news paper.” She said tears brimming her eyes.
“what did you read?” Bree asked but she knew what Mrs. Brown was talking about already.
“Dr. Rowlings, he says tha if ye dinna lay wi your husband a fortenight after yer last flux than ye canna become wi child.” She said with amazement.
I shot a look at Claire and I could see how pale she was and I could see the guilt in her eyes.
“mom, are you alright?” I touched Claire’s shoulder and she was pulled out of her trance.
“Yes, I’m fine. Please help me set her wrist in place and then we can send her on her way.” Claire ordered
I nodded and gripped Mrs. Brown’s forearm from behind and Claire took a hold of her hand.
“this is going to hurt but the pain will be over after we set the wrist.” Claire said reassuringly to Mrs. Brown.
Claire faced the hand and arm so that her palm was facing upward. Then she yanked hard and the hand popped back into place. Mrs. Brown made a short scream.
Mr. Brown rushed in fuming
“what on earth are you doing to my wife?” He bellowed.
“We fixed her hand.” Claire said defiantly.
I saw Declan look through the window to make sure we were alright. I nodded towards him and he slipped away again.
Mr. Brown looked over at his wife and saw me bandaging her hand up.
“well then we’ll be on our way then. Come woman!” He ordered.
I saw him glance at Claire’s medical chest for a moment. I dared him to try and take something from there. I was looking for any excuse to kick his ass. He looked back and then walked out of the surgery. I apparently was holding my breath because I exhaled with relief.
“that poor girl.” I said out loud as we watched their wagon pull away.
“Jane, times are different here and we need to be considerate of that. We can’t just go on about women’s right and such. These people are just not ready for that radical of change.” Claire said.
“Well you should be the one to know right? Dr. Rowlings?” I shot back
I could see how it hurt her and I felt guilty
“sorry mom, that was mean.” I said immediately knowing how it feels when your efforts do more harm than good.
“it was but it doesn’t mean it’s not true.” She said in resignation
“We are all just trying to do our best mom. I know” I said pulling her in for a hug.
We embraced for a while longer and then went back to tending to other patients that came by. Declan was in the doorway
“is everything alright?” He asked concerned
“yeah everything is fine. Mr. Brown is all talk and no bite.” I said jokingly
“I don’t like him.” Declan declared.
“No, he’s a foul man.” Claire added
Malva came in and an eerie feeling came over me again, but it was probably because she had such an interest in science that no other girl for her time had.
“Mister Harp, Mistresses I’ve collected the herbs as you asked me to, and I’ve stripped all tha linen and rolled them up as requested.” Malva said with a bowed head.
“Thank you Malva. Set them over there and you can assist me and Jane with the rest of the patients today.” Claire said
“We are all right love. Go help with the stills.” I said reassuringly to Declan. I gave him a quick peck on the cheek and bade him away.
“Alright but if you have any other unruly patients…” He started
“Don’t worry, we will be fine. I love you.” I interrupted and pushed him out of the surgery.
“I love you too kiyôtêw” He said kissing my hand and then walking off towards the stills.
Claire, Malva and I tended to the rest of the patients and Bree came back in
“mama would you mind watching Jemmy for a while please? I’m going shooting with Roger.” She said looking a little flustered.
“of course, darling, let me wash my hands and I’ll be right in.” Claire said
“malva and I can clean up here mom” I said smiling at Bree sympathetically
Claire nodded in thanks and washed her hands and left with Bree.
“Mistress Harp…” Malva squeeked out.
“Malva, please call me Jane. We are peers ok?” I said smiling at her
“oh…Jane. I was wonderin…if you could tell me about how baerns are made?” She looked flushed.
“oh, well, so when a man and a woman lay with each other and a man uhhhh…errr…plants his seed inside of a woman that seed travels through the woman and if the conditions are ideal, I mean if a woman is fertile then there will be an egg waiting for the seed to find and create what we call an embryo. The embryo grows into a fetus and then that fetus grows into a baern. And the rest you surely know right?”
I stammered as I had never had to have the birds and bees talk with a young woman before.
“oh so how do you know if a woman is wi child besides missin her courses.” She asked
“well symptoms may vary depending on each woman. One may or may not have sickness through her first trimester, uh her first 3 months of pregnancy, by month 3 that is when the belly starts swelling. Certain sense can be heightened.” I said remembering my own experience.
“how can one prevent becoming wi child?” she asked in the most softest voice
“Malva, is this for you? You know you can trust me.” I asked concerned.
“No, mistress…I mean…Jane. Tis fer science as mistress Claire says.” She was lying I could tell.
“well you can soak a cloth in tansy oil and before intercourse, I mean when you lay with a man you can put it inside of you and that should prevent pregnancy. You can do the same but afterwards and use vinegar as a wash inside yourself. It’s not guaranteed but they seem to be the best that is around at the moment.” I explained to her the best I could without telling her about hormones and vaginal pH and such.
“oh I see. Well thank ye fer telling me. I would like tah learn as much as I can from you and mistress Claire.” Malva said with a hollow voice.
“Malva…If you ever need to talk. I’m here for you.” I said reassuringly.
I touched her shoulder and she jerked away.
“Thank ye Jane. The cleanin is done and I dinna want mah father and brother waitin on their supper.” She said making haste to the door.
“Of course, have a good night and I’ll see you tomorrow.” I said with a worried look on my face.
She left with a bow and I was alone in the surgery. It’s funny how wounds heal first they are angry and filled with rage and then things calm down and come back to together. Then new skin starts growing from the inside out and it’s no longer empty but full again. Then you are left with a scar to remind you but even that begins to fade. I knew that the loss of our son would never leave us but every day with the Frasers and Declan by my side made it easier to bear. I walked out the surgery ready to lock it up and when I turned around, I saw mom, Jemmy and dah walking back with someone carrying a boar on his shoulders. He looked familiar then I saw something next to the man and I knew who it was instantly.