Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

'Castiel, please, you can't do this to me,' Hannah wept, desperately grabbing Castiel's hand. 'I gave up everything for you!'

Castiel pulled his hand away, putting more space between them. 'I didn't ask you to,' he replied harshly. 'I even told you I liked things exactly how they were. It worked for both of us. Why would you want to change everything?'

'Because I love you!' Hannah screamed. 'I love you, and I want to make a life with you!'

He turned his back so she couldn't see him rolling his eyes. 'That was never on the table. You have a husband for that.'

'Joe never made me feel as much passion as you do,' Hannah said breathlessly, rushing to Castiel's side and wrapping her arms around him. 'Please, Castiel.'

Once again extricating himself from Hannah's grip, Castiel put on his leather jacket. 'It's only been a few hours since you left. I suggest you go home, beg your husband for forgiveness, and do whatever it is suburbanites do when they settle down. Pop out a couple of kids, get a dog, whatever. That's not me.'

'Castiel, wait-'

'Goodbye, Hannah.' He didn't even look at her again, knowing from past experience that her big blue eyes could sucker him into one more romp in the sheets. With her current mental state, she'd probably take that as a sign that he wanted to be with her, and the very thought made him shudder as he quickened his pace away from the motel. Hannah had been a great fling, the whole repressed housewife thing making for seriously fantastic sex, but he should have known that she would go all Harlequin novel on him. He still couldn't believe she'd left her husband for him, even after he'd dropped numerous hints that he wasn't the type to settle down.

Hell, he wasn't even the type to be faithful, not that he'd told her that. Maybe letting Hannah catch him with another woman would have been more effective- or even better, a man, given Hannah's prudish tendencies. Walking in on Castiel bouncing on some guy's enormous dick would probably have driven any of that bodice-ripping nonsense right out of her head. Damn. He'd remember that for next time.

The tenseness in his shoulders relaxed the moment he turned the corner and saw the only girl he could ever see himself committing to- his classic black 1967 Chevy Impala. Hurrying inside and locking the door in case Hannah had decided to follow him, he started the engine and drove off quickly. 'Well, Baby, it's just you and me again. Let's go home.'

Hannah's craziness was practically forgotten by the time Castiel pulled into his garage half an hour later. He was even whistling when he walked into the house he shared with his best friend and occasional fuck buddy, Meg. On his way to the kitchen to get a drink, he was stopped in his tracks by an unexpected sight.

'Uh, Meg? What's with the hair?'

Meg scowled at him from the dining table, where she sat with a half empty bottle of whisky, not even bothering with a glass. 'Thanks for noticing, Clarence. It was Crowley's idea, and just another reason why I want to stab him in the face.'

'Ah. Trouble in paradise?'

'You could say that. After talking me into going blonde, he decided to dump me for a natural blonde. Said his innate sense of fashion wouldn't let him make love to someone whose carpet didn't match their drapes.'

'You don't even have a carpet,' Castiel replied, and Meg nodded enthusiastically.

'Exactly! I even showed him, in case he had forgotten, that it's all bare floors down there, also at his request, of course. And I wouldn't exactly call what we get up to "making love" either.'

'Low blow, Meg. I'm sure you're very loving with that dragon strap-on. You always are with me.'

Meg snorted. 'Crowley isn't a delicate flower like you, darling. If something isn't bleeding by the end of it, he barely counts it as sex.'

'That's really quite a disgusting mental image, thank you, Meg. So, what happened next?'

'He gave me a very generous last present and cheque, told me I was a marvellous sugar baby, and if I wanted any references, he'd be happy to provide them.'

Castiel sat down next to Meg and wrapped her in a hug. 'Ouch. How generous are we talking?'

Meg showed him a necklace with a large diamond in it. 'Oh, and rent is basically paid for the rest of the year.'

'Wow. Maybe I should find a sugar daddy to cover my half of the rent.'

Meg showed him the cheque with a raised eyebrow. 'I mean all of the rent.'

Castiel whistled at the figure. 'Holy shit. So let me get this straight: you have a gorgeous and very valuable piece of jewellery, enough money to pay all the rent for the rest of the year, and you don't have to fuck Crowley anymore? Where's the downside?'

Meg looked at him despairingly. 'I'm a fucking blonde!'

Castiel took the necklace from her hands and put it around her neck, curling a strand of hair around his finger when he was done. 'I don't know, I kinda like it. It's all very Marilyn- diamonds are a girl's best friend, blondes have more fun. How about you wear just that necklace while I fuck you, and we'll see if it's true?'

'Good idea. It'll be nice to have a full-sized dick again.' Castiel snorted and helped her up. 'Oh, weren't you going to see Hannah? What happened?'

'Ugh, she left her husband. It was all very awkward, obviously I had to break it off and tell her to go back to him.'

Meg patted his cheek as they walked to her bedroom. 'Aww, Clarence, still breaking hearts wherever you go. I told you the desperate housewives thing was tricky.'

'You've never had a problem with them,' he replied as he started stripping.

'Yeah, but I'm not a dashing man coming to save them from boredom. I just give them a little tongue action, fulfil threesome fantasies, and fuck off when it looks like the husband is getting too into me. Help me with this zipper.'

Castiel unzipped her dress, unsurprised to find she had nothing on underneath. 'That will definitely be my strategy next time.'

**********

Castiel knew he'd done his job right when it took Meg a full five minutes to roll over and light the joint she had sitting on her nightstand. They passed it back and forth in companionable silence for a while before she got up and retrieved the bottle of whisky for them to share as well.

'I think I'm gonna go for a chick next,' she said after her first glug. 'Ruby from the coffee shop has been trying to get in my pants for ages.'

'Hot. Definitely bring her home so I can watch.'

'Duh. What about you? Anybody on your radar?'

Castiel shrugged. 'I don't know. Seducing Hannah was a lot easier than I expected. I need a challenge.'

'Ooh! I've got just the thing!' She ran back out of the room and came back with a flyer in her hand. 'The Episcopal church put this in the mailbox today.'

'St Michael's Church Abstinence Support Group?' he read sceptically. 'What is this, the nineties?'

'Oh, that purity bullshit never really went out of style.'

'Still. That's really not the kind of challenge I'm looking for.'

Meg rolled her eyes. 'No, dumbass. I mean you could try to bone somebody from the group.'

'Meg, I'm almost thirty. I'm not going to troll some church youth group for a teenage virgin. I may be a slut, but I'm not a creep or a paedophile. Anyway, deflowering virgins isn't exactly a challenge, I've done it lots of times.'

Meg turned the flyer over. 'Not a youth group, not all teenage virgins. Check out the leader.'

Castiel sighed but read the blurb about the group's leader. 'Twenty-eight-year-old- Jesus, a twenty-eight-year-old virgin? He must have to jerk off every couple of hours.'

'Keep reading.'

'Twenty-eight-year-old Dean Winchester is a life-long parishioner at St Michael's. He started the Abstinence Support Group two years ago for adults who choose to wait for marriage before becoming sexually active, recognising the different needs that older age groups have in maintaining their purity in our hyper-sexualised world. Excuse me, I rather like our hyper-sexualised world.'

'Just keep going, Clarence.'

'The group is open to anyone over the age of eighteen who wants to keep or reclaim their virginity by pledging to abstain from sexual activity before marriage. Reclaim their virginity? Seriously? We provide a safe space for people to acknowledge their God-given sexual urges, while supporting each other in keeping our bodies pure for the soulmates God has chosen for us. I think I threw up in my mouth a little bit.'

'Oh, come on, Clarence. You can't tell me it wouldn't be fun to get one of those god-bothering jerks to replace the stick in their ass with your dick.'

'Actually, abstinence pledgers are significantly more likely than non-abstinence pledgers to have performed anal sex. They think it's a loophole.' He snorted. 'Heh, loophole.'

'Hilarious,' Meg said dryly. 'Now finish reading.'

'Please join us every other Wednesday at 7pm in the church hall for discussion, fellowship, and of course, free coffee and pie! Now that last part sounds tempting. Oh. Fuck. Is that Dean Winchester?' he asked, pointing to the picture at the bottom of the page. 'Jesus Christ. How is that guy a virgin?'

'I'm guessing it does have something to do with Jesus Christ,' Meg smirked. 'He's damn pretty, isn't he?'

'Look at those lips. They're going to look perfect around my cock.'

'Whoa, you're going straight for the leader?' Meg laughed.

'Like I said, I want a challenge.'

'All right, loverboy. How about we make it really interesting?'

'How?'

'Let's make a bet. If you can actually seal the deal with Dean Virginchester, I'll give you what you've always wanted.'

Castiel perked up. 'Your room?'

'My room.'

'Deal.'

'Ah ah, not so fast. You haven't heard what I want if I win the bet.'

'It's not of import, since I'm not going to lose, but go ahead.'

'I get your precious car,' Meg said with an evil smile.

Castiel hesitated for a moment but stuck out his hand to shake on it. 'OK. You're on.'

Meg grabbed his hand and put it between her legs. 'It's going to take a lot more than that to seal this deal.'

Castiel agreed to that too.

**********

Wednesday night found Castiel doing something he had avoided doing for his entire adult life: going to church. He had decided to go with the repentant sinner act rather than trying to pretend he was an actual virgin, and he barely had to put on a nervous disposition as he walked in St Michael's church hall clutching the flyer in a sweaty hand. A perky young redhead greeted him at the door.

'Hello, and welcome to St Michael's! I'm Bonnie,' she said cheerfully, sticking out her hand for Castiel to shake.

'Hi, I'm Cas. I'm here for the…' he waved the flyer at her, and her smile grew even wider.

'Wonderful! Here's a nametag, and this is the abstinence pledge form. You don't have to fill it out right away, like, if you want to sit through the meeting and make sure it's for you, you're totally more than welcome to wait until the end, or even take it away with you!' She handed him a nametag to fill in, and a clipboard with the form in fancy calligraphy.

'Thank you. I'm a bit nervous.' He stuck the nametag on and tucked the clipboard under his arm.

'Don't be! Dean is super nice, we don't judge here at all! We've even had a reformed porn star in our group!' She indicated a smiling blonde girl in the group photo, and Castiel's eyes widened.

'Oh my god, is that Carmelita Lee? Man, what that girl could do with tacos… uh, I mean, that's incredible. You must be very proud.'

Bonnie's smile was a bit tighter now, but she regained her composure. 'It's all Dean, he's just such a great support. Anyway, it's just down the hall there, be sure to get some pie, Dean makes it himself!'

'Thank you, see you in there I guess.' He walked away sheepishly, feeling ridiculously out of place and wondering if this was really going to be worth the effort. That thought vanished the moment he bit into the homemade apple pie. 'Holy shit!' he moaned.

'Better than sex, am I right?' said a voice to Castiel's left, and he turned to find Dean himself grinning next to him. 'Not that I would know, of course, but I'm guessing it's gotta be at least close.'

For a brief moment, all of Castiel's usual smoothness abandoned him. The photo on the flyer had not done Dean justice. He was absurdly beautiful, almost perfectly symmetrical, fine-featured, bright-eyed, with a warm smile that gave Castiel palpitations. What few imperfections he did have only added to the overall feeling of god-like beauty. Once again Castiel couldn't believe that this man was a virgin.

He managed to regain his senses before his staring became awkward and passed off the slight delay in replying by swallowing the mouthful of pie. 'Well, I would know, and it's definitely a close one,' he joked. 'Castiel Novak. You must be the famous Dean.'

Dean shook his hand, a firm grip with a few tantalising callouses that Castiel could already imagine feeling nice and rough in more interesting places. 'Don't know how famous I am, but I am Dean. Nice to meet you, Castiel.'

'Call me Cas,' he said, indicating the nametag. 'And Bonnie out there seems to think you're a celebrity anyway.'

'She's an enthusiastic member of the group,' Dean chuckled. 'So what brings you here tonight, Cas? Besides the pie, of course.'

'It was mostly the pie,' Castiel teased back. 'But, um, I'm interested in the whole reclaiming virginity thing. I've had a lot of sex, I mean… a lot, but it's just not as satisfying as it used to be. Emotionally, you know?'

Dean rubbed the back of his neck in what Castiel recognised as a nervous gesture. 'Well, hey, you're more than welcome, man. I think it's really admirable to want to find the meaning in sex again. Purity is a state of mind as much as a state of body.'

'Wonderfully put,' Castiel said with a warm smile, and revelled in Dean's blush. 'There's just one thing I want to clarify first.'

'Shoot.'

'The flyer said the group is open to anyone, but, um…' He looked down at the floor, pretending to be shy about what he was going to say. 'Well, I'm bisexual, and I know churches aren't always OK with that kind of thing.' He looked up at Dean through his eyelashes and had to bite his lip to prevent a smile from forming. Dean's cheeks were pink, and he looked completely flustered at Castiel's admission.

'Oh, no, yeah, that's… that's fine. Not a problem. Totally fine,' Dean stammered. 'The Episcopal church is very welcoming, and we're extra liberal here at St Michael's. We had one of the first gay weddings in the state. And, um, I'm… I'm bisexual too, actually.' He rubbed his neck again, then seemed to realise he was doing it and reached for a slice of pie instead. 'Yeah, so, no problem.'

'That's a big relief, thank you, Dean,' Castiel said warmly, placing a hand on Dean's shoulder. 'I'm really glad I found you. Your group, I mean.'

'Yeah, me too, Cas. Anyway, I'd better go talk to some other people. We'll be starting in a couple of minutes.'

'I'll just take a seat in the circle, then?' Castiel asked, indicating the chairs in the middle of the room.

'Yeah, go ahead. Mine's the one with all the stuff on it, but all the other ones are fair game.'

Castiel nodded, scooping up an errant bit of pie filling from the plate with his finger and sucking it off with another little moan. 'Mmm, seriously good pie, Dean,' he said before throwing away the plate and sauntering over to a chair. He didn't have to turn around to know that Dean was staring at him as he walked away. He picked the seat exactly opposite Dean's, and within a couple of minutes the other seats were all filled with men and women who seemed to be in their twenties or thirties.

'Welcome everyone!' Dean said as he took his seat. 'Great to see you all here, and we've got a couple of new faces. Please welcome Cas and Nancy.' A pretty girl a couple of seats to his right gave a shy wave, and Castiel did the same. 'OK, so how about we do some introductions around the circle before we get started? I'm Dean Winchester, and I run the group.' He nodded to the woman on his right.

'I'm Arlene, I've been in the group for a year with my fiancé, Christian.' She smiled at the man next to her. 'We're getting married in two months!' Everyone clapped, and Christian took her hand and kissed it.

'Almost there,' he said. 'I'm Christian, nice to meet y'all, Nancy and Cas.'

'I'm Hael,' said a dark-haired, blue-eyed beauty who reminded Castiel of a younger Hannah. 'I've been in the group since I aged out of the youth group last year.'

'I'm Becky,' said a perky blonde, 'and this is my boyfriend Chuck.' A mousy bearded guy waved at Castiel and Nancy. 'We really need the support group to keep our passions in check so we don't consummate our love too soon.'

'What she said,' Chuck said with a nervous little laugh.

'I'm Harry, and I joined the group a few months ago. I am definitely a virgin by choice, and I really need this support group to stop me from having lots of sex with all the girls who try to seduce me.' Castiel managed to turn his laugh into a cough.

'I'm Ed, and, yeah, same as Harry. We're practically beating them off with a stick.'

'Oh, I'm sure there's a lot of beating off going on,' Castiel muttered to himself, and the woman next to him also had to choke down a laugh.

'I'm Pam,' she said when she recovered, 'and this is only my third meeting. Still not completely sure abstinence is for me, but all the one-night stands were definitely not good for me, so I'm trying to recalibrate.'

'I'm Castiel, but please call me Cas. It sounds like I'm in a similar situation to Pam, actually. I've had a very active sex life, but lately it just hasn't been as satisfying. So I thought I'd, what was it? Recalibrate.' He smiled at Pam, and the look she gave him in return definitely confirmed her lack of certainty in abstinence.

The next guy didn't seem so keen on it either. 'I'm Kevin. I'm a freshman in college and my mom doesn't want me to impregnate some random girl and ruin my future, so here I am.' Castiel, Pam and Dean all chuckled at that.

'Um, I'm Nancy. I just aged out of the youth group like Hael.' She looked shyly at Hael, who blushed and gave her a little smile. That was Castiel's spank bank imagery for the night sorted, then.

'I'm Bonnie, and I've been in the group since Dean started it. Yay abstinence!'

'OK, great!' Dean said, taking over again. 'So for the sake of Cas and Nancy, I'll just explain how our meetings usually go. We start with a prayer, talk about how the last couple of weeks have gone. If anybody wants to talk about temptations and how they dealt with them or wants some help and support in dealing with temptations, we do that. We sometimes discuss sexuality in culture and society, and how to combat negative images of celibacy and abstinence. We share books and articles, and just hang out and talk. When we have new members, we give them an opportunity to tell us why they've chosen abstinence, but only if they're comfortable, and we end with a prayer. Any questions?' Castiel and Nancy both shook their heads. 'OK, let's all join hands and pray.'

Dean led them through a prayer, heads bowed and eyes closed. Castiel took the opportunity to study the group and decide if there was anyone else he'd like to try out. Pam was the most tempting, and unlikely to be much of a challenge- perhaps a nice appetizer to the main course of Dean. He turned to look at her and found her grinning at him.

'Not the praying type either?' she whispered, and he shook his head. She winked at him before bowing her head just in time to say amen.

'Nothing like a good prayer,' Dean said. 'OK, does anyone have anything they'd like to talk about this week?'

Arlene and Christian looked at each other, and she nodded. 'Yeah, we had a close call last week,' Christian said. 'We went out with some friends on Saturday, had some drinks, went dancing, and… well, we were tipsy and dancing real close, and it almost got out of control.' Arlene squeezed his hand in support. 'If we hadn't been in public, I don't know what would have happened.'

Dean nodded. 'Is that what stopped you?'

Arlene shook her head. 'To be honest, it was a wilder club than we realised. I think there were definitely some people doing things in the bathrooms, and the dancing was very sexual. I think we just both suddenly realised what was happening, and it was like a slap in the face. That we're so close to the wedding, and to give in like that would just have been so disappointing.'

'OK, so how did you deal with the temptation?' Dean asked.

'We took a step back, went outside for fresh air. Stopped drinking and called cabs to take us home.'

'You guys don't normally go to clubs, do you?'

They both shook their heads. 'No, we always thought it would be too tempting. But I think we just got complacent, thinking it's so close to the wedding, we've made it, what harm would it do?' Arlene replied. 'We've learned our lesson.' Christian hugged her and kissed the top of her head.

'Well done, guys, I'm so proud of you,' Dean said, leading the group in a round of applause. 'That's a tough situation, and you came through with flying colours.' Castiel thought it sounded like a waste of some hot sexual tension and a liberal nightclub, but he politely clapped along with the others.

The meeting continued in a similar vein, with stories of temptation avoided or overcome, of ways to deal with bouts of lust that Castiel was surprised to hear described as natural and nothing to be ashamed of, even if not to be succumbed to. Even more surprising was the rather frank discussion of masturbation, which was generally agreed to be perfectly acceptable, though pornography was frowned upon as exploitative and unrealistic. Castiel just managed to stop himself from saying, 'It depends on the porn.'

Dean then invited Castiel and Nancy to tell the group about themselves if they were comfortable. 'If you want, I can tell you about my reasons for abstinence first,' he offered, and both of them agreed. 'So, my mom died when I was a kid, and my dad was kind of a mess afterwards. I had to take care of my baby brother a lot, until my dad got help and got better, and this church helped us a lot. Heck, Pastor Jim practically raised us for a couple of years there. Anyway, I found that I always felt better about myself when I was following the morals of the church. Helping other people, and especially keeping myself pure in any way I could. I don't drink, I don't take drugs, I don't eat junk food, I exercise a lot, and I abstain from sex until I get married.'

'That sounds difficult,' Castiel said diplomatically.

'It can be. I definitely get tempted sometimes, but I know it's worth it. So, who'd like to go first?' Castiel nodded at Nancy to go first so he could come up with a good script for what he was going to say.

'Um, so, I made an abstinence pledge in youth group, and I want to keep it. For a long time I thought that I would have to be abstinent forever, because, um… I like girls,' she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. 'I didn't think I'd be allowed to get married. But when it became legal, I thought maybe someday.' Her eyes flicked briefly to Hael. 'So I want to keep my pledge until then.'

'That's great, Nancy. Thank you for sharing,' Dean said gently. 'Cas, what set you on the path to abstinence?'

'Uh, hard to say, exactly. Yeah. Sex has always felt, I don't know- good, you know? I mean, really, really good. But, uh... Sometimes, it just makes you feel bad, you know? You're drunk. You shack up. Then, it's the whole morning thing. You know, "Hey, that was fun." And then, adios, you know? Always the adios.' His voice grew wistful, and Pam nodded beside him. 'But, you know, when you get down to it, what's the big deal, right? I mean, sure, there's the touching and the feeling all of each other…'

'OK, that's-' Dean started, but Castiel was on a roll.

'My hands everywhere, tracing every inch of their body, the two of us moving together, pressing and pulling, grinding. Then you hit that sweet spot, and everything just builds and builds and builds until it all just...' He mimed an explosion, and more than one person squirmed in their seat. 'Yeah. Uh... but the whole thing was just a little too, uh... sticky. So, uh, I thought I'd try to get my V-card back. Get re-hymenated, you might say.'

'Great!' Dean said with a hint of strain in his voice. 'That's great. Thanks for… sharing. I think that's enough for today, guys. Let's say a final prayer and help yourselves to coffee and pie before you go.'

This time during the prayer, Pam leaned over and whispered in his ear. 'We should go get a drink after this. Meet me at Rocky's Bar in fifteen minutes?'

'You're on.' They separated in time to say amen, and Pam immediately walked over to Dean. He looked disappointed but gave her a hug before she left. Castiel moved as if to get a cup of coffee and made a show of noticing Dean's expression. 'Is everything OK, Dean?'

'Yeah, I'm fine. It's just that Pam just quit the group.'

'Oh, I'm sorry,' Castiel replied sympathetically.

'It's fine. I was kind of expecting it. She never even signed the pledge. It's just always a bit of a let-down when you can't reach somebody, you know?'

'I bet. But maybe this will cheer you up.' He took out the clipboard and signed the pledge with a flourish. 'Consider me reached.'

Dean beamed at him. 'Thanks, Cas. That really has cheered me up.' He gave Castiel a tight hug. 'You won't regret it. Abstinence is truly fulfilling.'

'Abstinence is for idiots!' Pam screamed from her position on Castiel's face. 'I don't know what I was thinking.' He expressed his agreement with a particularly twisty tongue move, and she cried out from yet another orgasm. Castiel had come a while earlier but insisted that Pam needed one orgasm for every week she'd been abstinent. This was number five, so he just had one more to go. 'Fuck, I need a break,' she panted and lay down next to him. 'You're damn good at that. You sure you want to do the abstinence thing? Seems like a waste of both talent and that tongue stud.'

'I don't know, seems like a good way to pick up chicks. Maybe next time I'll set up a threesome with Chuck and Becky.'

Pam laughed and smacked his chest. 'You still owe me one orgasm and talk like that is definitely not going to help.'

'It's amazing I can talk at all after the last three. I think I sprained my tongue.'

'Guess you'll have to figure out another way.'

'I could ask Meg to join us. She's very creative.'

Pam raised her eyebrow at him, then threw her head back and laughed. 'Hell, if you're gonna fall off the wagon, you may as well do it in style. Go get her.'

Chapter Text

Two weeks later, Castiel found himself back at St Michael's, this time eating a slice of cherry pie and humming the song when Dean came up to greet him.

'Tastes so good makes a grown man cry?' Dean asked with a grin.

'Put a smile on your face ten miles wide,' Cas agreed. 'How are you tonight, Dean?'

'Pretty good. How about you? Abstinence going OK for you?' He seemed nervous about Castiel's answer.

'Can I be honest with you, Dean?' Castiel asked, lowering his voice.

'Of course. Do you want to go somewhere more private?'

'That would be great.'

Dean led him to a quiet corner of the room. 'So what's up?'

'It's been… an interesting couple of weeks. I feel like I've been jerking off non-stop. I mean, two, three times a day, minimum. I keep getting images in my head of men, women, practically just orgies going on in my head all the time. It's so hard, Dean.' He gripped Dean's shoulder tightly. 'Abstinence is so hard.'

'Uh, Cas, it's only been a couple of weeks,' Dean said with a nervous laugh.

Castiel stepped closer and lowered his voice even further. 'Dean, this is the longest I've gone without sex since I lost my virginity.'

Dean's jaw dropped. 'Are you serious?'

'Deadly. It's like my dick doesn't know what to do with itself if it's not inside something.'

'Well, uh, like we said last week, there's nothing wrong with a little self-love. I mean, this sounds like more than a little, but hey, if you've got enough lube and you're not spraining anything, it's better than trying to go out and hook up, right?'

'Oh, I'm uncut, so lube's not an issue.'

'Oh. Wow. That's, uh, that's interesting.' Dean swallowed hard and flicked his eyes down to Castiel's crotch for a split second. Castiel managed not to smirk, but he felt smug knowing that Dean was now definitely thinking about his dick. 'Anyway, is that working for you? I mean, is it enough to keep you on the wagon?'

'I don't know. I managed these last couple of weeks, but I don't really have any support outside this group. My friends aren't really interested, and I just don't have anyone to talk to about it.'

Dean smiled. 'Hey, that's not a problem. I can give you my number, you can text me anytime you need a hand.' His eyes went wide, and he blushed bright red. 'I mean, like in a metaphorical way, not my actual hand for… I mean if you need somebody to talk to.'

Castiel smiled and put a hand on Dean's shoulder again. 'It's OK, Dean, I know what you mean. That would be amazing, thank you.'

Dean huffed out a breath and gave Castiel a business card. 'That's my cell at the bottom. Any time you feel temptation and need talking down, just let me know.'

Castiel typed the number into his phone and sent a text message saying Hello, Dean. 'Thank you, this means a lot to me. Should we go sit down now?'

'Yeah, good idea.' They walked over to the group, all of whom were the same as the last meeting except for Pam. 'Hi everybody! We all doing good?'

The meeting began as before with a prayer, and when Dean asked if anyone wanted to start things off, Becky jumped out of her seat with her hand extended. 'Chuck proposed! We're getting married!' she squealed, and a flurry of applause and congratulations followed. 'This is also our last meeting. We're eloping to Vegas on Saturday, and we're going to have all the sex!'

Chuck smiled more widely than Castiel thought possible. 'We're really excited about it. Just a few more days!'

'Wow, guys, that's great! Well done for keeping your pledges, just hang in there until Elvis has pronounced you husband and wife,' Dean joked.

'We will,' Becky assured him. 'We've contained our passion for this long,' she said, grabbing Chuck's shirt and looking at him hungrily, 'we can hold out for a few more days.' Chuck made a little growling noise at her, and she licked her lips in what was apparently meant to be a seductive manner.

'Well, that image will definitely help kill my sex drive for a few days,' Kevin muttered next to Castiel.

'Awesome, guys. Let's move on,' Dean said quickly. 'Does anyone else have anything to share?'

Castiel raised his hand. 'Yes, I'd like to say something if I may. I already told Dean, but I think it's best if I discuss this openly to help with my accountability. As I said last week, I've had a very active sex life. In fact, these last two weeks are the longest I've gone without sex since I lost my virginity at age sixteen.'

There were shocked gasps from some of the members, and an impressed look from Kevin, who whispered, 'Daaaamn, boy.'

'As you might imagine,' Castiel continued, 'it's been pretty hard for me. Figuratively and literally. I'm used to having sex anytime I want it, with men or women, sometimes both in one night, or at the same time. I mean, going from regular threesomes to nothing is just, oof, you know? My coping mechanism has been a lot of, um, self-love. I even had a wet dream for the first time since I was a teenager. It was some kind of orgy, just a writhing mass of naked bodies, kissing and licking and sucking, nothing out of bounds, all shades of skin glistening with sweat-' He looked around and realised that everyone was staring at him, most unsure whether to be horrified or turned on. 'Uh, anyway, it's been intense, but I feel better for letting it all out. So, thanks.' There was scattered applause, but everyone was still too shocked to react. Castiel had to bite his lip to keep from laughing.

'Thanks for trusting us with that, Cas,' Dean said with a slightly strangled voice. 'How about a five-minute break?' He stood up and dashed into the hallway, but nobody else seemed to really register. Worried he'd pushed too hard, Castiel followed Dean out, just in time to see him go into the men's room. Silently opening the door, he was about to call out when he heard what Dean was doing in the stall. 'Fuck, fuck, fuck,' Dean groaned, and the unmistakeable sound of hand on dick made Castiel smile widely. For a moment he considered asking Dean if he needed a hand, but figured that would be too much, too soon. He was playing a long game, and it depended on Dean thinking he was really in this abstinence thing. Letting the door close slowly so it wouldn't make any noise, he just caught Dean saying, 'Fuck, Cas!' as he came.

Castiel was practically bursting by the time he got home. It wasn't like he had actually been abstinent for those two weeks; besides Pam and Meg, he'd also hooked up with a guy at a club and a guy at the gym, but even just talking about celibacy made him feel antsy. And of course, there was Dean's little bathroom break, which put more than one explicit thought in his mind on the drive home. He hoped Meg was home, because he didn't really feel like going out on a Wednesday to get laid.

Meg was home, and she wasn't alone. Ruby from the coffee shop sat naked on the couch with Meg's face buried between her legs. 'Oh, hey Cas,' she said with a wave.

'Hi Ruby. Room for one more?' he asked, taking off his jacket.

'Sure. Mmm, yeah baby, that's good. Do you mind, Meg?' Meg didn't stop, just gave a thumbs up.

'I'll be right back.' He went into his room to grab condoms and take his clothes off. When he plugged in his phone, he decided to send a quick message to Dean.

Thank you again, Dean. You're an inspiration to me :-)

His phone pinged just as he slipped his boxers off. Anytime Cas :)

He smiled and went to join the ladies.

**********

It started off with Castiel wanting to make Dean squirm. He pictured Dean lying in his bed, hand wrapped around a cock that was probably as beautiful as the rest of him, while Castiel sent him every sordid thought that went through his head. He described his fantasies, he talked about how his pierced nipples felt so sensitive that he got hard if he wore the wrong kind of shirt, he told Dean about each occasion when he jerked off. Every time, Dean would reply with something affirmational, telling Castiel it was OK to have these thoughts, but that he was strong enough to resist his urges, and that Dean was there for him.

As the days passed the texts became more conversational, and Castiel started looking forward to getting a new message from Dean. It wasn't until the Friday night over a week later that Castiel realised he hadn't hooked up with anyone since the threesome with Meg and Ruby after the last abstinence meeting. He was considering whether to go out to get laid when his phone pinged.

Hey Cas :) How's ur Friday been?

Hello, Dean :-D TGIF! I was just thinking about u

What about?

Castiel chuckled. 'About how much I want to suck your dick,' he muttered, but typed, Just wondering what u get up 2 on a Friday night

Me and Sammy sometimes go 2 a movie or smth but usually I just hang out and watch Netflix

But no chill ;-)

Haha no chill XD What r u up 2?

Haven't decided yet. Any suggestions?

I know what u shouldn't do XD

What's that?

Go out to a bar or club

Ur prob right about that. What should I do instead?

U got Netflix?

Yes

How about we watch smth together?

What do u mean?

We go on the phone and press play on the same thing at the same time

'Oh my god, that's so cheesy. You really are a virgin,' Castiel said fondly. Sounds fun. What do u want to watch?

Promise not 2 laugh?

Absolutely not

Jerk :P It's called The Princess Switch

Sounds like a chick flick

Yep

And u want to watch it?

A very important fact about me is that I love chick flicks

There had to be something wrong with you XD

Nothin wrong with chick flicks dude! Smash the patriarchy!

Well said. OK let's do it

Yay! :) Get ur Netflix up, make some popcorn and call me when ur ready

Castiel shook his head with a smile. 'The things I do to get laid.' He got himself comfortable in pyjama bottoms and a t-shirt, made a bowl of popcorn, and queued up the movie. It looked completely ridiculous, but he thought of the way Dean filled out his jeans and queued it up before calling.

'Hey, Cas,' Dean answered warmly.

'Hello, Dean. Before we start, I have to demand that you never mention this to anyone else, on pain of death.'

Dean's laugh made him feel a bit tingly. 'Your secret is safe with me. You ready?'

'I'm ready.'

'Then hit play.'

Within a few minutes, Castiel found himself kind of getting wrapped up in the story, and Dean's frequent comments had him constantly smiling. At a key moment in the film, Dean suddenly went a bit quiet. 'Are you OK, Dean?'

'Yeah, fine,' he replied, and Castiel could tell he was choked up.

'Dean, are you crying?'

'No. Maybe. Shut up. It was a single man tear, OK?'

'You are a gentle soul, Dean Winchester. Never change.'

Dean's breath hitched before he spoke again. 'Thanks, Cas.' The rest of the movie was watched in silence.

'Thank you, Dean, I enjoyed that. I didn't even think about sex at all during the entire movie,' he lied.

'Oh, that's good,' Dean replied, but there was a hint of disappointment in his voice that made Castiel smirk.

'We should do Netflix again some time.'

'Yeah, maybe even in person. Uh, but, you know, still no chill.'

'Of course. Goodnight, Dean.'

'Night, Cas. Sweet dreams.'

**********

'So how's it going with the god-botherer?' Meg asked the next morning.

'Fine. How's Ruby?'

Meg shrugged. 'She's hot, what's not to like? You want in on some action tonight?'

'Nah, I think I'll go out.'

'Suit yourself. Gonna get laid?'

'Maybe. Why?'

'I just noticed you haven't been out for a while. It's not like you.' She raised an eyebrow. 'You're not actually buying into this abstinence shit, are you?'

'What? No! I've just been tired lately, not in the mood for clubbing.'

'And that's not because you've been up late talking to the altar boy?'

'Shut up,' he said. 'I'm going out. See you later.'

'Don't let him get to you, Clarence!' she called out after him. 'Think of your poor dick!'

He rolled his eyes as he walked out to the garage. Meg was just being her usual snarky self, and usually he loved it, but for some reason it was just getting on his nerves today. He needed a long drive to clear his head, just him and his Baby and some sweet tunes. He'd been on the road for a couple of hours, just driving up and down the country roads trying and failing not to think about Dean, when he decided he needed to eat. At the outskirts of town, he found a roadhouse called Harvelle's and parked up.

And who was standing behind the bar, but Dean freakin' Winchester. 'Cas!' he called out cheerfully. 'You stalkin' me?'

'Dean! I had no idea you worked here. I was just driving past and wanted a burger.'

'Relax, buddy, I'm just kidding. And you've definitely come the right place,' Dean replied with a wink. 'Best burgers in town.'

'Let me guess who makes them,' Castiel teased. Dean clicked his tongue and made actual finger guns. 'You do know that you're a major dork, right?'

'The dorkiest,' Dean said proudly. 'So what can I getcha?'

'Well, I'll have one of those famous burgers with extra bacon and extra cheese, and a coke since I'm driving.'

'Comin' right up.' Dean disappeared into the kitchen, and a few minutes later, an older woman came to take his place behind the bar.

'Afternoon,' she said with a nod. 'Is that regular or diet coke?'

'Regular please.' She poured his drink and set it down in front of him.

'So are you a friend of Dean's?'

'Um, yes, I know him from the church group.'

'Huh. You don't seem the type. I'm Ellen, this is my bar.'

'Nice to meet you. I'm Cas.'

'Oh you're Cas. Interesting.'

'Why is it interesting?' Before she could answer, Dean came out with two plates.

'Food's up. OK if I take my break, Ellen?'

'Sure thing, hon.' He came out from behind the bar and led Castiel to a booth in the corner.

'One burger, extra bacon, extra cheese for you, one kale salad for me.'

Castiel wrinkled his nose in disgust. 'Kale salad?'

'Hell yeah. Thank god for kale, am I right?'

'I can't say that's one of the things I've ever thanked god for, no.' He bit into the burger and moaned with happiness. 'Now this is good. These make me very happy.'

'Man can't live on junk food alone, Cas. My body is a temple.'

'About that- you don't drink or eat junk food, right?'

'Yep.'

'But you work in a bar and cook pies and burgers. How does that work?'

Dean shrugged. 'I don’t drink the merchandise, my pies are made with organic ingredients and minimal sugar, and my burgers are from the highest quality lean beef. Plus I only ever eat one small slice of the pies to make sure they taste OK, and I only ever eat the burgers in lettuce wraps to keep the carbs down. It's good, clean food.'

Castiel shook his head. 'I'm not sure I could live that way.'

'What way?' Dean asked with a frown.

'You just seem very concerned with purity in everything.'

'What's wrong with that?'

'Forget I said anything, it's nothing.'

'No, man, come on. Spit it out.'

Castiel sighed. 'It's just… if you eat junk food, what happens? How do you feel afterwards?'

'Pretty shitty. It's called junk food for a reason.'

'Physically shitty or emotionally shitty?'

'Both, I guess.'

'But why should you feel emotionally shitty? What's so terrible about eating something a bit junky once in a while?'

'It's bad for me,' Dean mumbled.

'But it doesn't make you a bad person,' Castiel said gently. 'It doesn't make you impure.'

Dean shook his head, his hand gripping the fork so tightly that his fingertips were white. 'So what brought you out this way anyway?' he asked, and Castiel let it slide.

'Just out for a drive.'

'What, just driving for no reason?'

'Yeah. Helps clear my head.'

'What did it need clearing from?' Dean asked tentatively.

Castiel looked at him with what he hoped was a shy expression. 'You know, just things, people.'

'Any particular people?' He twirled a long piece of kale around his fork and pushed it around his plate, not daring to look at Castiel.

God, it felt so high school. Next Castiel would be passing over a note saying, Do you like me? with check boxes for yes, no and maybe. He decided to take a chance with the direct approach. 'You, mostly.'

Dean looked up sharply, like he hadn't expected Castiel to stop beating around the bush. 'Me?'

'I find that I'm often thinking of you lately,' he admitted, and it really wasn't a lie. 'I enjoy our conversations.'

'Me too,' Dean replied softly. 'A lot.'

'Hence a drive to clear my head.'

'Did it work?'

Castiel waited until Dean looked up and then smiled at him. 'Not in the least.' Dean smiled back, that becoming blush again covering his freckled cheeks, and Castiel idly wondered if the blush and the freckles went all the way down.

They finished their meals, and Castiel ordered a slice of pie and coffee, while Dean had herbal tea. When Castiel tried to pay, Dean refused to hear of it.

'Won't you get in trouble with your boss?'

'My boss is my aunt, so we're good.'

'In that case, thank you very much. It was all delicious of course.'

Dean smiled proudly. 'Glad you liked it. So what are you up to now?'

'I don't know. My roommate has her girlfriend over tonight, so I was kind of hoping to be anywhere else, but I honestly have no idea what to do on a Saturday night that doesn’t involve things I shouldn't be doing.'

'You could come to my place,' Dean blurted out. 'I mean, mine and Sam's. We're just hanging out tonight, you could join us if you want. We've got the most amazing couch you can crash on if you don't want to go home.'

'Thank you, Dean, that sounds wonderful.'

Dean's exhale sounded a bit like a sigh of relief. 'Awesome. I'll let Sammy know to make an extra portion of kale.' He laughed at Castiel's horrified expression. 'Just kidding. We're having pizza.'

'You eat pizza?'

'Homemade gluten-free buckwheat base, sugar-free sauce, lots of veggies on top, but yeah, I eat pizza.'

'That sounds… interesting.'

'Don't worry, Sam makes the normal kind.'

'Thank god,' Castiel sighed with relief, and Dean laughed again.

'You guys are gonna get along fine. I better get back behind the bar, but I'll text you my address. Come over around six?'

'Sounds great. Thank you, Dean.'

Dean stood up and squeezed Castiel's shoulder. 'Thanks for stoppin' by. See you later.'

Castiel had a spring in his step when he walked back to the car.

**********

One of the benefits of being a man-whore was always having a party bag in the trunk with the essentials for an unexpected overnight stay away from home, so Castiel didn't need to go back before going to Dean's house. It was a typical nice middle-class neighbourhood, with tidy yards, mid-range sedans and minivans parked in double driveways, and quaint houses in good states of repair. Dean and Sam's house was a modest red brick split-level with a double garage and lovely flowers bordering the house. Castiel supposed that one had a lot of spare time to do things like gardening and cooking when one wasn't busy doing better things like fucking.

He didn't even get a chance to knock before Dean opened the door with a big smile on his face. 'Hey, Cas. I heard your car from a mile away. It's really something.'

'She's a beauty,' Castiel said fondly. 'Maybe we could go for a ride sometime.'

'That would be nice,' Dean said shyly, then seemed to remember himself. 'Where are my manners? Come in, come in!' Castiel followed him in and took off his shoes when he saw the shoe rack by the door.

'I wasn't sure what to bring, since I'd normally bring wine, so, um, here.' He handed Dean a shopping bag, and grinned when Dean laughed at the contents.

'Thanks, Cas. You can never have too much kale!' He led Castiel through the living room and into the kitchen. The inside was as cute and homey as the outside, with the living room looking surprisingly formal for a house with two bachelors living in it. 'Sammy! Cas is here!'

A ridiculously tall man with almost shoulder-length hair and long sideburns stood at the counter putting toppings on pizza bases, but he turned when they walked in. 'Oh, hey! Nice to meet you, Cas. I'd shake your hand, but-' he held up his hands covered in pizza sauce.

'No problem. Nice to meet you too, Sam. I've heard a lot about you.'

'It's all true, unless he said only good stuff, in which case it's an exaggeration,' Sam joked.

'Don't worry, I didn't mention the gassiness,' Dean teased. 'Oops.'

Sam threw a mushroom at Dean. 'Bitch.'

Dean caught it and ate it. 'Jerk.'

Sam stuck out his tongue at his brother before turning to their guest. 'Cas, what do you want on your normal human pizza?'

'What have you got in the deeply unhealthy range?'

'Pepperoni, sausage, bacon, cheese, and that pile of vegetables.'

Castiel looked it over and picked some chopped onion and red pepper. 'I'll have these plus all the meat and cheese.'

'Hell yeah,' Sam said, fist-bumping Cas before taking the ingredients from him. 'I like this guy, Dean.'

'Yeah, yeah. When I'm a sprightly 130-year-old, I'll dance a jig on your cholesterol-filled graves.'

'Joke's on you. I wouldn't want to live 130 years without cholesterol,' Sam replied. 'I'll just get these in the oven. Why don't you take Cas down to the den?'

'The den?' Cas asked.

'Oh yeah,' Dean said. 'You didn't think we'd be sitting in the museum all night did you?' he asked, pointing at the living room.

'I wasn’t sure.'

'Nah, we keep it that way because our mom liked having a formal room, and dad never let us touch it after she passed away. Just kinda became a habit to keep it that way. The real fun happens downstairs.' He waggled his eyebrows and opened the door in the kitchen. There was a short flight of steps, and at the bottom was what was best described as a man cave. A giant TV covered almost half of a wall, and below it were several game consoles, from original Nintendo to the latest XBox, a DVD and Blu-Ray player, and even a VCR. Surround sound speakers were placed around the room, and in one corner sat a gaming PC while in another there was an air hockey table. Facing the TV was an absolutely enormous deep-seat sectional couch.

'Wow, you weren't kidding about the awesome couch,' Castiel said.

'I was not. Come on, take it for a spin.'

Castiel sat down in a corner seat, extending his legs onto the ottoman at the bottom. 'Oh. Oh dear.'

'What's wrong?'

'I'm terribly sorry, Dean, but I'm never leaving. Please call my job and tell them I quit.'

Dean chuckled and sat down next to him. 'I know, right? Last time I was really sad I just lay here watching chick flicks in a pile of blankets for like three days.'

'Aww, what made you so sad?'

Dean looked a bit uncomfortable. 'Um, it was a break-up.'

'Oh, I'm sorry. If you don't want to talk about it…'

'No, it's fine. I was dating this girl, Lisa. She was really great, and she was cool with the abstinence thing. She actually had a kid from a one-night stand, so at first she was really down with taking things slow and not falling right into bed.'

'I'm guessing something changed?'

'Yeah. She started getting kind of antsy, pushing for more than just kissing. I thought that was her way of hinting that she was ready to get married.'

Castiel frowned sympathetically. 'But it wasn't?'

Dean shook his head. 'I turned up with a ring, and she stopped me before I could even ask the question. Turned out she didn't think I was really serious about waiting until actual marriage, just that I wanted it to be a serious relationship. She didn't want to get married, because then the kid's dad would be able to argue for reducing child support.'

'Ouch.'

'Yeah. So we broke up, because she wanted to do stuff I didn't, and that was that.'

Castiel put a comforting hand on Dean's arm. 'I'm so sorry, Dean.'

Dean shrugged. 'It's all good. We're still friends, and she met a great guy after that. Ugh, look at me forgetting my manners again. Can I get you drink? I think Sam has some beers if you want.'

'What are you having?'

'Oh, uh, I've got some homemade mixed fruit juice.'

'That sounds great, thank you, Dean.'

Dean positively beamed. 'You got it.'

The evening turned out to be a lot more fun than Castiel had expected. Sam and Dean had great banter, and it was easy to join in the brotherly teasing, sometimes taking Dean's side, other times taking Sam's side. Occasionally he sensed a deeper meaning to some of the jokes, and Sam seemed to cover genuine concern about Dean's purity obsession with gentle teasing.

'So why haven't I seen you at the church group, Sam?' Castiel asked when Dean went to the bathroom.

Sam chuckled. 'I don't like to make promises I can't keep. What made you want to do it?'

Castiel shrugged and brought out the boilerplate answer. 'I've always been a very sexual person, but it was starting to feel kind of empty and lonely, so when I saw the flyer, I thought I'd give it a try.'

Sam nodded. 'I'm not big on hook-up culture myself. But my girlfriend is awesome, and I can't imagine not being intimate with her.'

'I imagine it must be difficult in a long-term relationship. Dean told me about Lisa.'

Sam's eyebrows shot up. 'Did he? Yeah, that was rough for him. I still don't really understand his obsession with marriage over other types of commitment.'

'Isn't that a religious thing?'

Sam shook his head. 'Dean isn't really that religious. I mean, yeah, he does the church thing, but it's more of a familiarity, comfort blanket thing. When we've actually sat down and talked about religion, he's practically agnostic about what's potentially out there. Have you ever paid attention to what he says in his prayers at the meeting?'

'Um, I have to admit that I haven't really. I'm not really the church type, so I kind of let that part wash over me.'

'Listen next time, you'll get what I mean.'

'So why do you think marriage is such a big deal for him?'

Sam sighed and ran a hand through his hair. 'You may have noticed that Dean is really into rules and purity, right? We had kind of a rough childhood, and he found comfort in order because there was so much chaos. Like it made him feel safe and in control. His room is obsessively clean, he keeps track of every calorie he eats and burns… I wouldn't say he's OCD exactly, but I do think his self-worth is deeply tied up with feeling like he's as wholesome as possible. He freaks out if he accidentally eats something with high fructose corn syrup or whatever. I try to get him to loosen up a bit, but…' he shrugged.

Castiel nodded thoughtfully. 'I had noticed something similar. It seems his healthy living philosophy is almost bordering on orthorexia.'

'Yes, exactly!' Sam agreed enthusiastically. 'And I think the sex thing is just another part of it. Like if he can follow the rules and wait until marriage, he'll have passed some test that proves he's worthy as a person.'

'Dean is the worthiest person I've ever met,' Castiel began, but was interrupted by the sounds of Dean coming down the stairs.

'Hey, don't stop on my account,' Dean said cheerfully. 'Sounded like you were saying how awesome I am.'

'You're very awesome, Dean,' Castiel replied. 'Truly.'

'Thanks, Cas,' he grinned. 'Now who's up for air hockey?'

Castiel put his hands up in surrender. 'Not me. Last time I tried to play air hockey, my roommate smashed the puck so hard it flew off the table and right into my face.'

'Ow! I hope she apologised,' Dean said sympathetically.

'I think she said "boo-ya" actually. Meg Masters is the most competitive individual I've ever met.'

'Meg Masters?' Sam asked, frowning. 'Is she a paralegal at Wolfram and Hart?'

'Yes, she is. Do you know her?' Castiel replied, suddenly on his guard.

'A little. She's your roommate?'

Castiel nodded, but Dean interrupted with an eye roll. 'Enough cross-examination, lawyer boy. You and me, hockey, now.'

Castiel watched the two of them play with a growing sense of dread, but Sam seemed to forget about it, and didn't mention the topic again. After air hockey, they started watching some western movie that had Dean teasing Sam about his cowboy fetish ('It's not a fetish, Dean, I just like the story,' was Sam's feeble denial), and soon it was nearly one in the morning. Sam yawned and said he was going to bed.

'There's only one bathroom,' Dean explained, 'so no point going up until he's done.'

'OK. I had a really nice time tonight, Dean, thank you.'

'Anytime, man. I had fun too.' They smiled at each other, holding eye contact just a bit longer than might be considered platonic, and that sweet blush crept onto Dean's cheeks again before he finally looked away. 'Well, I guess I should…' he jerked his thumb towards the stairs.

'Yes. Well, goodnight Dean.' Castiel leaned forward and planted a chaste kiss on Dean's cheek. The blush deepened, and Dean brought his hand up to where Castiel's lips had been. 'I'm sorry, was that OK?'

'Yeah, that was… that was nice.' With a shy smile, Dean returned the gesture. 'Night, Cas.'

Castiel had never jerked off over a cheek kiss before, but he supposed there was a first time for everything.

Chapter Text

Castiel woke up the next morning to the smell of coffee wafting down from the kitchen. He followed it with half-open eyes, and found Sam eating toast at the counter. 'Morning, Sam.'

'Morning.'

'Is Dean up yet?'

Sam snorted. 'Dean was up an hour ago for his usual Sunday ten-mile run.'

Castiel wrinkled his nose. 'That's disgusting.'

'Tell me about it. He should be home soon. Help yourself to coffee and toast.'

'Thanks.' He got a plate loaded up and filled a mug.

'So Meg,' Sam said after Castiel had finished his first piece of toast.

'Meg?'

'Yeah. I know her. I didn't want to say anything in front of Dean.'

'OK,' Castiel said warily.

'We had a very brief thing,' Sam continued.

'How brief?'

'Brief enough that I never mentioned her to Dean, but long enough that I heard about her wild roommate.'

'Oh?'

'Yeah. Look, maybe you're serious about this abstinence thing, turning over a new leaf or whatever. But I swear to god, if you're just messing with Dean…' He took a deep breath, then cracked his knuckles menacingly. 'Let's just say, if you hurt him, you won't have any choice but to be abstinent.'

'Uh, OK.'

'I will rip your dick off, Cas.'

'Yeah, got it,' Cas squeaked. 'I'm not trying to mess with Dean. I do care about him.'

He hadn't even realised it was true until he said it, but true it was. Dean had somehow come to mean something to him, beyond a conquest and beyond even a friend. Shit.

'Good. See you around.' Sam gulped down the rest of his coffee and went back into his room.

'Fuck,' Cas muttered, burying his head in his hands. Sam could ruin everything, but he found that the worst thought was not that he might fail to bed Dean, but that Dean might be disappointed in him. What the hell was going on?

With perfect timing, Dean walked in the front door wearing running shorts and a tank top, glistening with sweat and rosy-cheeked from exertion. His bowlegs were accentuated by the tight shorts, and the sight of his ass when he bent over to untie his running shoes made Castiel's mouth go dry.

'Mornin' sunshine!' Dean called out. 'Sleep OK?'

'Great, thank you. Good run?'

'Great run! It's a beautiful morning. You want a breakfast smoothie?' he asked, coming into the kitchen and washing his hands before pulling out some kale, almond milk, and some other hippie-looking ingredients.

'No thank you, I've had toast.'

'Your loss,' Dean shrugged, and blended everything into a hideous-looking green concoction that he downed in a few swallows. 'So what are you up to today?'

'I guess I should head home soon, do laundry or something. How about you?'

'Well, church is in an hour, and then I'm working on my favourite project.'

'What's that?'

Dean grinned. 'I'll show you.' Castiel followed him into the den, through a door the garage, and then another door down to the basement. 'Ta da!'

The basement had been converted into a workshop, and the table was covered in woodworking tools. On the floor next to it was mostly-finished crib. 'Dean, this is beautiful.'

'Thanks. It's for my cousin Jo, she's due in a few weeks. I love woodworking, really helps me work out my frustrations, you know?'

Castiel ran his hand over the intricately carved frame. 'You're very talented. How long have you been working on this one?'

'Almost six weeks. I, uh… I started it the night you first came to the group meeting, actually.' He rubbed the back of his neck.

'Because you were upset about Pam quitting?'

'What? No. Not, um, not that kind of frustration.' His blush reached his ears, and thanks to the tank top, Castiel could see that it was also creeping down to his chest.

'Oh,' Castiel said softly, his heart beating faster and his own cheeks getting pink. 'Dean…'

'I just, I mean, after last night, I thought, cards on the table,' Dean stammered. 'I like you. And I think maybe you like me too?'

'I do.'

'Awesome,' Dean said with a relieved exhale. 'Do you maybe wanna go out sometime? A movie or something?'

'I'd love to.' Castiel could hardly believe himself. He really did want to, and it wasn't even because he was hoping for a blow job in the back row. He just looked forward to spending time with Dean, maybe holding hands in the movie theatre and sharing popcorn, and oh fuck, he was so screwed.

'How about tomorrow?' Dean asked eagerly. 'Uh, if you're not sick of my face yet, I mean.'

Castiel brought this hand to Dean's cheek with a gentle touch. 'I don't think I could ever get sick of your face.' He could feel Dean trembling under his hand, and he laid a sweet kiss at the corner of Dean's mouth. 'It's a beautiful face.' He kissed the tip of Dean's nose. 'My favourite face.' He kissed the other corner of Dean's mouth and took a step back. 'I hope to see it as often as possible.'

'Cas,' Dean whispered, nuzzling into his hand.

'I should go,' Castiel murmured, kissing Dean's cheek again. 'I'll see you tomorrow?'

Dean nodded. 'I'll text you the details.' Castiel let his hand drop and started to turn, but Dean grabbed his wrist. 'Cas.'

'Yes?' Dean pulled him in and kissed him full on the mouth. After a moment of surprise, Castiel melted into him, thrusting his fingers into Dean's hair to keep his hands from going anywhere Dean wouldn’t appreciate. They kissed for several long minutes, and Dean's running shorts didn't hide the effect it was having on him. Castiel eventually slowed things down and pulled back, leaning his forehead against Dean's as they both caught their breath. 'Wow.'

'Wow,' Dean agreed. 'I'm gonna need to do a lot of woodworking today.'

'I may need to go chop down some trees myself,' Castiel joked. 'Talk to you later?'

'Yeah. I hope you don't mind if I don't walk you to the door?' Dean said, looking down at the stretched lycra of his shorts.

Castiel licked his lips and adjusted his jeans. 'Not at all. I can see myself out.' With a final smile and squeeze of Dean's hand, he went back upstairs.

The minute he got home, Castiel locked his bedroom door and stripped down, only needing a couple of minutes to come with thoughts of bending Dean over the workbench.

**********

The movie was just one of those blockbuster superhero films, but their hands kept bumping in the popcorn, and when the bucket was empty, they sat with their fingers intertwined for the rest of movie. Afterwards, they went to a coffeeshop and talked over their coffee and herbal tea until the shop closed at ten. Castiel had parked a couple of blocks away, so they walked back to the car holding hands.

'It really is a nice car,' Dean said as he slid into the passenger side.

'You should try the backseat,' Castiel said with an eyebrow waggle, and Dean's face fell. 'I'm sorry, I didn't mean-'

'It's OK. I know you've had a lot of experience. I'd be shocked if you hadn't used the backseat for, uh, romantic purposes.'

'I don't mean to make you uncomfortable. I'm still learning how to navigate a relationship without innuendo and the physical side.'

Dean squeezed his hand. 'You're doing fine. And I'd be lying if said I hadn't thought about the backseat.'

'Oh yeah?'

'Can it be used just for kissing and cuddling?' Dean asked shyly.

'I think that would be a very good use for it.'

'Maybe next weekend we could go for a drive?'

Castiel smiled and gave Dean a quick peck on the lips. 'Sounds perfect.'

**********

The Wednesday meeting was a bit quieter than usual without Chuck and Becky, and neither Dean nor Castiel decided to mention the temptation that had come up on Sunday morning. Castiel did pay attention to Dean's prayer, however, and was surprised at its contents.

'We pray for the ability to uphold our convictions, live out our values, and be positive examples in our communities. We pray for whatever higher power we believe in to give us strength to stand firm against the messages society sends us every day. We pray for togetherness, friendship, and love. We pledge to maintain our purity of body and spirit, and to help each other keep that pledge with our fellowship. Amen.'

As he got ready for bed that night, Castiel couldn't help but ask Dean about the meeting.

I noticed that neither of us mentioned Sunday tonight

Did u feel tempted on Sunday?

Very much. Did u?

Well… let's just say I finished the crib that night ;)

Castiel smiled. But u didn't say anything at the meeting

Neither did u

I know. It felt too private. I didn't want to tell everyone

Embarrassed?

No. It felt too precious too share

Damn Cas <3

<3

I know what u mean

I think what we have is special. I've never felt this way before

Me 2 Cas

Still up for a drive on Saturday?

Yeah Ellen's letting me have the day off

Great! Sweet dreams Dean xoxo

Sweet dreams Cas <3

Castiel turned off his phone and flopped back on the bed. This was getting out of hand. Somehow he had developed genuine feelings for Dean, and he had even been genuinely abstinent for two weeks now. What had started as a stupid bet had turned into something much more than he'd bargained for.

He walked out to the kitchen for water and found Meg having a glass of wine. 'Hey stranger. How was virgin club?'

'Pure,' he said dryly.

'You fuck him yet?'

'Not yet.' He drank his glass of water and put it on the drying rack. 'Goodnight.'

'Wait! I feel like I've barely seen you lately,' Meg pouted. 'Come have a drink with me.'

Castiel sighed, feeling guilty for ignoring Meg for the better part of two weeks. He sat down and accepted a glass of wine. 'Thank you. How are things going with Ruby?'

'Fine. She's been asking about you, actually. Wants the three of us to move some furniture around again.'

'Hmm. Maybe sometime,' he said vaguely, but he found the thought didn't appeal to him as much as it used to.

'What's up with you, Clarence? You're acting strange.'

Castiel shrugged and downed the glass. 'Just haven't been sleeping well, maybe I'm coming down with something. Goodnight Meg.' He kissed her forehead and stood up.

'If you're not up for Ruby, how about you and me?' she asked, grabbing his hand to stop him from leaving.

'Thanks for the offer, but I'm really tired. Rain cheque?'

She dropped his hand reluctantly. 'OK. Sleep well.' He smiled and left her to her wine.

**********

The rest of the week passed as had become normal- work, going home, texting with Dean before bed. He did make more of an effort to hang out with Meg, but more than once had to stop her wandering hands. It was a relief when she wasn't awake by the time he left on Saturday morning. He'd packed a cooler full of healthy food and a picnic blanket for his day out with Dean, and he couldn't believe how much he was looking forward to a date that was guaranteed not to end in sex. Dean really had done a number on him, and he still couldn't figure out exactly why.

He pulled up to Dean's house to find him already standing outside with a cooler of his own. He ran down to the car and got in. 'Hey sunshine,' he said, giving Castiel a kiss.

'Hello, Dean. Ready?'

'Ready! Where are we going?'

Castiel pulled out of the drive and headed towards the highway. 'There's a nice state park just outside of town. I thought we could go for a walk, maybe have a picnic.'

'Sounds awesome.'

Castiel took a scenic route, enjoying the feel of his Baby's wheels on smooth asphalt with Dean by his side. Eventually they got to the park, and Castiel parked as far into it as he could. They compared the contents of their coolers and decided to take Castiel's for lunch and save Dean's for the end of the day. Castiel led them down to the small river that ran through the park, and they walked alongside it hand in hand.

'I can't believe you've never been here before,' Castiel said when Dean admitted that he wasn't familiar with the park. 'I think I spent most of my weekends here when I was a kid.'

'We weren't really an outdoorsy family,' Dean replied. 'But I'm happy I get to discover it with you.'

They chatted as they walked, occasionally pausing for a chaste kiss, until they reached a lovely clearing full of wildflowers. Castiel put the cooler on the single picnic bench and started unpacking it. 'Do you want salad or-' He was cut off by Dean kissing him, hungry and full of passion. Castiel moaned as Dean wrapped one arm around his waist and brought the other around his shoulders to let him bury his fingers in Castiel's hair. They were both breathless when Dean finally pulled back.

'Been wanting to do that all morning,' Dean admitted.

'Been wanting to do that since the last time we did it,' Castiel replied. 'You're an amazing kisser.'

'Don't sound so surprised. I'm a virgin, not a monk,' Dean joked. He captured Castiel's lips again, and they were both hard by the time they stopped again.

Castiel leaned his forehead against Dean's and groaned. 'Abstinence is hard, Dean.'

'I know, babe. But just imagine how good it will be when we finally-' he cut himself off, panic filling his eyes. 'I mean, I'm not saying that we will… I'm not saying we're going to get married. I know we just started going out. I just mean imagine how good the anticipation would make it if we… ah fuck.' He threw himself down onto the bench of the picnic table.

Castiel sat down and put his arm around Dean's shoulder. 'It's OK, Dean, I understand. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it.'

'Really?'

'Of course. I'll be honest, I'm desperate to make love to you, Dean. I can't remember ever wanting something so much. But I know what your preconditions are, so… yes, of course it's crossed my mind.'

'Cas,' Dean whispered, his voice choked with emotion as he wrapped his arms around Castiel and buried his face in Castiel's shoulder. His body was warm and firm, and Castiel had never felt so good and so terrible at the same time.

'Come on. This bunny food isn't going to eat itself,' Castiel joked, lightening the mood.

After lunch, they packed up the cooler and walked back to the Impala. Dean seemed pensive, and he spent a good portion of their afternoon drive staring out the window. They stopped for gas in the middle of the afternoon and continued out on the quieter country roads, windows open and Castiel's rock music playing loud. He looked over at Dean, who had his eyes closed and a smile on his face, watching the wind ruffle his hair, and he felt his chest tighten with emotion. Clearing his throat, he moved his eyes back to the road, and just as it was starting to get dark, he pulled off onto a quiet side road.

'Where we going now?' Dean asked, and Castiel grinned.

'Have you ever been to a make-out point?' he asked mischievously.

'Those actually exist?'

'They do. I thought we could try out that backseat cuddling you mentioned the other day.'

'Sounds awesome,' Dean replied, and Castiel drove up to a grassy overlook with enough space for a few cars to park. He barely had time to switch the engine off before Dean was on his lap and kissing him again. Unfortunately, the steering wheel was an obstacle to greater contact, so Castiel gently pushed Dean back.

'I guarantee you it's more comfortable back there,' he murmured. Dean grinned and hurried out the passenger door. This early in the evening, they were the only ones there, so they took their time stretching after their long drive before getting into the backseat. Castiel leaned against one side and opened his arms for Dean to climb into.

They just held each other for a long time, Castiel running his fingers over Dean's arm and through his hair. 'So what do you think of the backseat?' Castiel asked.

'I like it. I think I want to try the making out too.' He kissed Castiel, softly at first, but quickly growing heated. Within a few minutes, Castiel was flat on his back across the back seat, legs splayed open for Dean to fit between them. The windows began to fog with their panting breaths, and Castiel's heart beat faster and faster when Dean's hips began to roll by pure instinct. 'Cas,' Dean moaned, losing himself in the moment, 'oh god, Cas.'

Castiel could tell where this was going, and as much as it pained him, he knew he couldn't let Dean do this. 'Dean, wait.' He pushed against Dean's chest to put space between them, and it was like a bucket of cold water had been thrown on him.

'Oh my god,' Dean said, scrabbling back so Castiel could sit up. 'Oh my god, Cas, I'm so sorry.'

'It's OK, it's OK,' Castiel said soothingly. 'Believe me, I was just as into it.'

'This must be extra hard for you.'

'Why?'

'Because you know what it's like to keep going. How it feels to actually do it. What you're missing,' he finished softly.

'I'm not missing anything. Would I have loved to keep going? Yes. But you're more important to me than just getting off.'

Castiel had said a lot of bullshit to get laid in his life, and a few weeks ago, this would all have been more of that bullshit. He was shocked to find that every word came from the heart. His desire, his need to be with Dean, overwhelmed his need for sex, antsy as he was for it after nearly three weeks with only his hand to keep him company. Regret over ever accepting Meg's stupid bet washed over him, and Dean clearly noticed the change in his demeanour.

'You must think I'm a fraud,' Dean said ruefully, head in his hands. 'I talk a good game, but the minute I meet somebody I really like, I'm like some kind of rutting animal.'

'Dean, no. As you've said lots of times, these are natural feelings that most of us have to deal with sometimes. I'm extremely happy and flattered that I'm the one who brought them out in you this time, but also like you said, you don't have to succumb to them. And having someone who understands and can support you in staying honest is important.'

Dean chuckled. 'I gotta admit, that first meeting you came to, I didn't think it would be you asking me to stop.'

'Neither did I, trust me.' Dean rested his head on Castiel's shoulder as they both relaxed from the unexpected tension. 'Maybe I should take you home.'

'Yeah. Thanks, Cas. I had a great day.'

'Me too,' Castiel replied, kissing the top of Dean's head.

They drove back the direct route in easy silence, hands intertwined on the bench seat between them. It was only a brief kiss when Castiel dropped Dean off, but it was enough to have him smiling all the way home.

**********

The texting became more intense after that, and even graduated to phone calls. They went on a few more dates but decided to stick to safer activities like bowling and trivia nights. At the next Wednesday meeting, Dean admitted to having faced a tempting situation, but was lucky that his date helped him work through it. Castiel didn't say anything, not wanting to complicate matters by outing himself as the aforementioned date.

It had now been a full month since he'd last had sex, and he was torn between the inherent frustration of not being able to fuck the one person he desperately wanted to fuck and what was turning out to be quite the delicious tension of holding back in a way he hadn't done since adolescence. He was still jerking off like crazy to keep the edge off, but he'd fended off all of Meg's, and occasionally Ruby's, advances, and hadn't even thought about going to a club or bar to hook up.

Dean invited him over for dinner on Friday, and he prepared a bag so he could crash on the couch again. When he arrived, he was surprised to find Sam leaving with a gorgeous blonde girl.

'Oh, hey Cas. This is my girlfriend, Jessica.' They shook hands and exchanged pleasantries.

'Are you guys not joining us for dinner?' Castiel asked, and Jessica looked guilty.

'I accidentally double-booked us. A friend of ours is having a leaving party, and I got the dates mixed up. I thought it was tomorrow, but it's tonight. We'll be back later though,' she explained. 'Save us some pie.'

'No promises,' Castiel said. 'See you guys later.'

'Bye Cas. Behave yourselves,' Sam said with a hard edge to his voice. Jessica waved and they drove off in her purple Beetle.

'Dean?' Castiel called out from the door as he took off his shoes.

'Kitchen!' came the reply, so Castiel joined him there. 'Hi,' Dean greeted him with a kiss. 'So, uh, slight change of plan.'

'Yes, I saw Sam and Jessica at the door.'

'Is that OK? I mean, just the two of us,' Dean said nervously.

'I promise to be on my best behaviour.'

'Me too. So, how do you feel about quinoa?'

An hour after dinner, Dean and Castiel were making out on the giant couch, the movie they had put on completely forgotten as Dean straddled Castiel's lap to get a better kissing angle. Just as Dean moved his hips so their erections brushed together, they heard the front door open. Dean jumped off Castiel's lap and sat next to him, hastily grabbing a blanket to cover them.

'That takes me right back to high school,' Castiel teased, and Dean poked his shoulder.

'Shut up.' He put his arm around Castiel, who cuddled against him to watch the movie, and it was in this perfectly innocent position that Sam and Jessica found them.

'Hey guys! What are we watching?' Sam asked cheerfully as he flopped down on the couch.

'Cas wanted to watch this chick flick,' Dean said casually, earning him a cushion to the face.

'It's Swayze! Swayze always gets a pass!' Castiel insisted.

'Ooh, I love Dirty Dancing! Good choice, Cas,' Jessica agreed.

'You all just like Swayze's butt in those tight pants,' Sam grumbled, and was met with general agreement.

By the time the movie ended, Jessica had nodded off, while Sam was snoring on her lap. Dean and Castiel snuck back upstairs to the kitchen. 'There went my bed,' Castiel sighed. 'I guess I should go home.'

'I've got a bed,' Dean said softly. 'It's pretty big. Memory foam.' He bit his lip, blushing in that adorable way that made Castiel's heart skip a beat.

'That sounds like a pretty major temptation, Dean,' Castiel warned, pulling Dean close by his belt loops. 'Can we really handle that?'

'I don't know,' Dean admitted, 'but I really want to feel what it's like to fall asleep next to you and wake up with you in the morning.'

Castiel licked his lips, heart in his throat. A night with Dean in his arms, even without sex, sounded perfect, and judging by the way things had been going on the couch before Sam came home, there was every possibility that if he played his cards right, he could win the bet tonight.

'I want that too… so much, Dean. But I'm worried about putting ourselves in that position. Can we hold ourselves back?'

Dean rested his forehead against Castiel's. 'I'm starting to forget why I even want to hold back,' he whispered. 'But I know you wouldn't let me do anything I'd regret. You stopped me in the car, I know that if I lost my head, you'd stop me again.'

'It took all my strength to do it then, Dean. I don't know if I'll have that strength again- not with you there in my arms all night.'

Dean looked Castiel in the eye and gave him a soft kiss. 'I trust you, Cas.'

Castiel's heart felt like it would explode. He was so unworthy of Dean's trust, of his affection; he knew that the right thing to do would be to walk out the door that moment and never bother Dean again. But it would have taken a much stronger man than Castiel to do that with those stunning green eyes pleading for him to stay, and Castiel was oh so weak.

'Let's go to bed, Dean.'

Dean's smile lit up the room. Castiel grabbed his bag and went into the bathroom to get ready, then waited in the hall while Dean took his turn. They walked into Dean's room together, holding hands, and Castiel set his bag down on the floor by the side of the bed that Dean indicated for him to take. The climbed under the covers and both lay on their sides, smiling at each other.

'I like having you in my bed,' Dean whispered.

'I like being here.'

'I really wanna kiss you, but I'm afraid if I start, I won't stop.' He brushed the hair back from Castiel's face before trailing his fingers down his cheek. 'Never wanted anything as bad as I want you, Cas.'

Castiel turned into Dean's touch and kissed his palm. 'Dean… I'm trying very hard to be good. You deserve… you deserve everything good. You deserve better than me.'

'I'm nothin' special, Cas. I'm just a boy-'

'I swear to god, if you quote Notting Hill, I'm leaving right now.'

Dean laughed, and the tension was broken. 'How about we get some sleep?'

'Excellent idea. Goodnight, Dean.'

'Night, Cas.' They shared one chaste kiss, and then Dean rolled over and scooted up against Castiel until they were spooning.

'I didn't know you liked to be the little spoon,' Castiel teased.

'Everybody likes to be the little spoon, it makes you feel safe,' Dean murmured.

'You're damn right it does.'

**********

Castiel woke up when it was still dark, sweaty from Dean's warm body being pressed against him, and hard as a fucking rock for the same reason. He groaned when an involuntary twitch from Dean made his ass brush up against Castiel's erection. Then it happened again, and again, and he realised that Dean was grinding back against him. Castiel gripped Dean's hip to stop the movement. 'Dean,' he whispered, 'are you awake?'

'Yeah,' came Dean's breathy reply. 'Did it feel good?'

Castiel dropped his forehead to the back of Dean's neck. 'Yes, but I need you to stop.'

'Why? I… I want you to feel good, Cas. It's not really… I mean it doesn't count if…'

'Dean,' Castiel interrupted him firmly. 'The first time you bring me that sort of pleasure, I want us both to be wide awake, completely naked, and enthusiastic mutual participants in every single moment. As much as I appreciate the sentiment, a quick fumble in the dark that you don't count as sex on a technicality isn't how either of us want this to happen.'

Dean rolled over and captured Castiel's lips in a hungry kiss. 'I'm falling for you, Cas. I'm falling for you so hard, and it's driving me crazy.'

Castiel's heart pounded at Dean's words. 'Me too, Dean. God help me, me too.'

Chapter Text

Two months. Two months since they had first kissed, and Castiel still hadn’t even tried to seal the deal with Dean. He had even slept in Dean’s bed a couple more times, and they’d probably spent hours kissing on the couch, but they had still managed to hold back from doing anything more risqué than a little bit of grinding. Castiel didn’t even know he was capable of such willpower.

The situation was made easier by the law office where Meg worked having a massive criminal case come up that required all hands on deck at all hours for over three weeks, so he had barely seen her recently, and when he did she was so exhausted she just collapsed into bed. That meant no temptation, no wandering hands, and most importantly, no awkward questions about why Castiel wasn’t fucking Dean, or indeed anyone else.

But now the case was finished, Meg was home, and he was somehow going to have to slip past her to go on his two monthiversary date, because he was now the kind of sap who had monthiversaries. He couldn't play off his suit as anything else, because Dean was picking him up any minute, and even if he got away with it on the way out, if Meg saw them, she was definitely going to say something about it when he got home.

And then, Lady Luck decided to smile down on him. He heard the shower go on in her room and thanked any deity that might be listening. He hurried out of his room and reached the door just as the doorbell rang. He opened it to find Dean standing with flowers and a huge smile on the other side.

'Hello, Dean. Those are beautiful.'

Dean handed him the flowers and gave him a peck on the cheek. 'Not as beautiful as you.'

'I can't believe you said that,' Castiel groaned, but couldn't help smiling. 'You cheesy dork.'

'Cheesiest and dorkiest,' Dean agreed. 'Um, don't you want to put those in some water?'

'Oh! Of course. I'll be right back.'

'Am I allowed to wait inside?'

'Sorry, yes, of course you are. Please come in.' He stepped aside to let Dean in and rushed off to the kitchen. 'I'll just be a second.' The shower was still going, so he hoped if he could do this quickly, there wouldn't be any danger of-

'Hey Clarence, did I leave my new bottle of conditioner out- oh, hello, who's this?'

Castiel closed his eyes and dropped his chin to his chest. Of course Meg had come out of the shower. He just hoped she hadn't come out completely naked. He came back into the living room to find Meg, thankfully wrapped in a small-but-at-least-existent towel, extending her hand to Dean, who looked very disconcerted.

'Meg, this is Dean. Dean, Meg.'

'Dean!' she said with syrupy enthusiasm. 'Well aren't you just adorable? Clarence, you didn't tell me he was so adorable.'

'Didn't I?' Castiel said dryly. 'Well, he is. Anyway, we have dinner reservations, so-'

'And you're both all dressed up! Going somewhere nice? Celebrating something, perhaps?' she asked with a raised eyebrow. Castiel had never wished so hard for telepathy.

'Um, yes ma'am, it's our two monthiversary,' Dean said shyly.

'Two monthiversary!' Meg exclaimed. 'Well isn't that romantic? Any special plans for such a big milestone?'

Castiel sighed. He knew Meg well enough to know that she was mocking them, but Dean seemed to be taking her over-the-top sweetness at face value.

'We're having dinner at that fancy Italian place, and then going for a starlight boat ride on the lake,' Dean replied, looking at Castiel adoringly.

'That is just the sweetest thing I've ever heard. I won't keep you two any longer. Enjoy your monthiversary!' she said with a bright smile. Dean gave her a cute little wave, and as soon as his back was turned, Castiel gave her the finger. She laughed and blew him a kiss before returning to her room.

Once they were outside, Dean turned to him. 'Uh, Cas. I have questions.'

'I thought you might. Go ahead.'

'How long have you known your roommate?'

'About ten years, I guess. Since college.'

'So how come she thinks your name is Clarence?'

Castiel laughed. 'That's her little joke. My parents named me after an angel.'

'OK. What's that got to do with anything?'

'Clarence is the name of a pretty famous angel.' Dean looked at him blankly. 'Clarence? The angel from It's a Wonderful Life? Every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings?' Dean just shrugged. 'Well, anyway, that's why she calls me Clarence.'

'Oh, right. And, um…' he rubbed the back of his neck, 'does she always walk around the house like that?'

'No, not usually. I mean, we are very comfortable around each other because we've known each other for so long, but she doesn't usually just wander around naked or anything,' Castiel assured him, and it was only a small lie- she didn't usually wander around naked, it was definitely less than fifty percent of the time.

Dean was quiet until they got in his car. He put the key in the ignition but didn't start it. Castiel could almost see the wheels turning in his mind as he prepared his next question. 'Did you guys ever…'

'Yes. We dated briefly, and we have been intimate. But it was a while ago, and we're just friends now.'

'Oh. Right.' He swallowed hard. 'She's really pretty.'

Castiel leaned over and tucked his finger under Dean's chin to force his eyes up. 'Dean. What's going on in your head right now?'

'Nothing,' Dean said with a shake of his head. 'It's stupid.'

'No, I haven't had sex with her since we've been together. No, I haven't wanted to have sex with her since we've been together. No, I haven't felt so frustrated by the fact that you and I aren't having sex that I've thought about going to her for sex. Does that cover it?'

Dean blushed, the corner of his mouth going up slightly as he nodded. 'Sorry. I know. I just… hadn't realised she was so pretty. And naked.'

Castiel chuckled. 'She's not usually that naked. And you are much, much prettier.' He kissed Dean on the tip of his nose, finally earning him a full smile again.

'Who's the cheesy dork now?' Dean teased, finally driving away. When Castiel looked back up at the house, he saw Meg's curtain twitch.

Castiel didn't exactly have a lot of experience with monthiversary dates, but he was pretty sure this was a good one. Dinner had been amazing, and now they were on a lake cruise underneath a beautiful starry sky, slow dancing to a string quartet. There were several other couples on board as well, but as far as Castiel was concerned, there was only Dean.

A few weeks earlier, Castiel would have scoffed at all this romantic bullshit, or at most, go through with it just to get laid and then go home and laugh about it with Meg once the conquest was complete. Now… well, he didn't want Meg to know about any of this, and not just because she would laugh at him. This was special, just for him and Dean, and he didn't want to share any of it with anyone. He squeezed Dean tighter and tilted his head to sneak in a kiss.

'Cas,' Dean murmured against his lips, 'I'm so happy. Tonight's been wonderful.'

'You're wonderful,' Castiel replied with another kiss.

'Can you stay over tonight?' Dean asked nervously. Castiel nodded, continuing to place featherlight kisses on Dean's lips. 'Um… Sammy isn't home tonight.'

Castiel pulled his head back to meet Dean's eyes. 'Oh?'

'In case that changes your mind. I know being alone is…'

'Tempting?' Castiel supplied.

'Yeah.'

'I think we can cope.'

The cruise finished at eleven, and they drove back to Dean's house with only the sound of the radio playing softly. Castiel could tell that Dean was nervous, and he couldn't deny his own anticipation building. The night had gone perfectly, Sam wasn't going to be home, and Dean's resolve was almost visibly weakening in front of him. Would he get a better chance than tonight?

When they got to Dean's, Castiel got ready for bed as if the sexual tension between them couldn't be cut with a knife. He stripped down to t-shirt and boxers, hanging up his suit on the hangers Dean provided with the appearance of complete calmness, and waiting his turn at the sink by standing behind Dean, arms wrapped around his waist and chin resting on his shoulder. Dean was practically vibrating out of his skin, though Castiel wasn't sure if it was excitement or trembling with fear. He hoped for the former.

They swapped positions for Castiel to brush his teeth, and he watched in the mirror as Dean's hands wandered rather more than his own had. They teased at the hem of his t-shirt, fingers brushing against the bare skin of his stomach as Dean lifted the edge of it just an inch or two. They skimmed his hips, ran down the outside of his thighs, then up again, over his t-shirt up his back and shoulders. He quickly finished brushing his teeth so he could turn around and give Dean a kiss.

'Bedtime?' he asked, and Dean nodded. He intertwined their fingers and led Dean into the room, closing the door and pulling him close. 'Are you OK? You've been quiet.'

'Just been thinking,' Dean mumbled.

'Aww, does it hurt?' Castiel teased, and Dean grinned, gently headbutting his shoulder.

'Shut up. I'm not great with this stuff.'

'What stuff?'

'This being in love stuff.'

Castiel inhaled sharply. 'Dean…'

'I know it's too soon to say that, I know,' Dean continued without looking up. 'I don't wanna scare you off, and I don't need you to say it. I just felt like I was gonna explode all night. I needed you to know. Please don't leave.'

'Why would I leave?'

'Because I dropped the L-bomb two months into a relationship, and that's fuckin' scary?'

Castiel cupped Dean's cheek and leaned their foreheads together. 'Scary doesn't have to mean bad. Scary can be very, very good.'

His heart was pounding so hard, he was sure Dean would be able to hear it. Of course Castiel had said the L-word to past partners, but only ever to get particularly tricky conquests into bed. He'd never actually meant it, had never wanted to mean it; they were just words he sometimes needed to say to get his dick wet. All he needed to do was say them now, and he knew, he knew that Dean would turn to putty in his hands. Just three little words, and the challenge was beaten, the bet won.

'Can you wait for me a bit longer?' he said instead.

'Fuck, Cas,' Dean breathed, surging forward to capture Castiel's lips with surprising passion. 'Forever, if I have to.' He kissed Castiel again and again, until finally Castiel pulled back laughing.

'You seem very excited about me not saying the L-word.'

'Sorry, it's just, uh… I've had people tell me they love me thinking it would be enough to get me in bed with them.' Castiel cringed. 'Yeah. I know you wouldn't try to bullshit me like that, but it was just nice to have confirmation. You're the fuckin' best, Cas.'

'I'm not, Dean, I'm really not. The things I've done-'

Dean put a finger to his lips. 'The things you've done in the past are in the past. It doesn't matter.'

Castiel kissed Dean's finger. 'You are too good for this world, Dean Winchester.'

Dean swallowed nervously and brought his hands to Castiel's hips. 'I'm kinda tired of being too good.'

'What do you mean?'

'I mean,' Dean said, pulling Castiel's hips hard against his own, 'that maybe I'm ready to be a little bit bad.'

Castiel gasped as Dean's hand slid around to grab his ass. It had been so long since he'd been touched that intimately that he immediately started getting hard. 'What did you have in mind?'

'Maybe we could take our shirts off?' He moved his hands up to the hem of Castiel's shirt.

'Are you sure this is what you want, and not what you think I want?'

Dean smiled again, nuzzling against Castiel's neck and placing little kisses along his jaw. 'Believe me, Cas. I want. I really, really want.' Castiel wordlessly lifted his arms, and Dean slowly pulled his t-shirt off before dropping it onto the floor. 'Damn,' he sighed, taking in the muscular chest, flat stomach and chiselled hips Castiel had been hiding under his clothes. He bit his lip as his eyes followed the trail of dark hair from Castiel's navel into his boxers. 'You're… wow.' His fingers traced the lines of Castiel's tattoos, brushing over his nipples on their way down. 'They really are pierced.'

Castiel responded by tugging at Dean's shirt, tossing it aside to free his hands for running up and down Dean's bare torso. He was more defined than Castiel thanks to all of his exercise, but he still had a beautiful softness about him, with a light smattering of freckles that did indeed appear to go all the way down. 'Oh Dean,' he murmured, and placed a gentle kiss over Dean's heart.

'Do you want to touch me?' Dean asked, his voice a harsh whisper as he took Castiel's hand and placed it at the waistband of his boxers.

Castiel moaned with desperate desire- yes, he wanted very much to touch Dean, but he suddenly found himself afraid. It had been creeping up on him for weeks now, but the full realisation at this moment was like a slap in the face. He didn't want to ruin this. He didn't want to move full steam ahead and risk Dean regretting what they had done- regretting him. He gently pulled his hand from Dean's grasp and brought it to the small of his back.

'I've never wanted anything more than to touch you, to make you completely mine in every possible way. Someday, the two of us are going to lie in this bed and wring every possibly pleasure from each other's bodies.' He kissed Dean's lips softly. 'But not tonight. Not until I know with complete certainty that you're ready. I can live without seeing you writhing under me tonight if it will save me from you looking at me with remorse tomorrow.' He could hardly believe the words that were coming out of his mouth. Dean had stood there, putting Castiel's hand inches from the prize, practically offering himself up on a silver platter, and Castiel had turned him down.

Who even was he anymore?

'Cas… I don't even know what to say,' Dean replied, wrapping his arms around Castiel's neck. 'I've never gone out with anyone who was so thoughtful. Though I gotta say, part of me wishes you were a little less thoughtful right now.'

'I bet I know which part,' Castiel teased. 'Let's go to bed. There's plenty of above the waist enjoyment to be had.' He pulled back the covers and followed Dean into the bed, gently pushing him to lie flat on his back before straddling him. He ran his fingers over Dean's stomach, up his chest, brushing over his nipples and up his collarbone, then followed the same path with his lips. Dean sighed underneath him, and Castiel sat up to appreciate the beautiful sight of Dean's flushed skin and heaving breaths. Dean looked back at him with a worried expression.

'Hey Cas?'

'Yes?'

'You are just being thoughtful, right? It's not because… I mean… you do really want me?'

Castiel took both of Dean's hands, interlacing the fingers and bringing them above Dean's head, then rolled his hips to push his very clear erection against Dean's. 'I want you every second of every day. I dream about laying you out, taking you in my mouth, working you open with my fingers and tongue, and finally being inside you, your sexy bowlegs wrapped around me, of filling you up and making you come without so much as a finger on your cock. I dream of you buried deep inside me as a I ride you, or you taking me from behind, slamming into me again and again to take your pleasure. I want all of it, and I want all of you. Does that answer your question?'

Dean nodded, swallowing hard. 'A simple yes would have been fine,' he choked out.

'I don't want to leave you in any doubt of where I stand, Dean.'

'No doubts here,' Dean assured him, his body trembling. Castiel moved his hips once more, and Dean gasped, arching his back from the sensation. 'Oh fuck, I'm so close,' he panted, and Castiel immediately released his hands and rolled off to lie at Dean's side.

'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry,' he apologised anxiously. 'I didn't mean to.'

'It's fine,' Dean reassured him, 'but, uh, could you maybe give me a minute?'

Castiel jumped out of the bed. 'Of course. I'll just, um…' he jerked his thumb towards the door and stumbled out to the bathroom, where it took all of thirty seconds for him to come hard into a handful of tissues. He cleaned himself up and splashed cold water on his face, taking deep breaths to calm his racing heart. When had he ever felt anything but smug at the knowledge that he'd brought someone to the brink of orgasm with just dirty talk? Instead, he'd felt panic at nearly doing what he'd promised Dean he wouldn't do.

A knock on the door startled him out of his spiralling thoughts, and he opened it to find Dean, his t-shirt back on and looking sheepish. 'You were in there a while. Just wanted to make sure you didn't drown,' he joked, but it fell flat.

'I'm OK. Just stewing in my guilt for a bit.'

Dean frowned. 'What? No. You don't have to feel guilty.'

'Dean, you almost… I made you-'

'You didn't make me do anything. You stopped me from doing something in the heat of the moment, and then you reassured me when I felt insecure about it. You were perfect, Cas. As always.' He took Castiel's hands and kissed them, but Castiel pulled them away.

'Please don't say that. I'm not perfect, Dean. I'm flawed. Very flawed. Don't put me on a pedestal.'

'OK, hey, I'm not, OK?' Dean said soothingly. 'I just mean the way you dealt with the situation was what I needed. Come here.' He wrapped Castiel in his arms, and after a moment, Castiel let himself relax into it.

'I think I may have used up all my willpower reserves for tonight, Dean.'

'It's OK, mine are all topped up again. Let's go to bed, you can be the little spoon tonight.' He took Castiel's hand and led him back to the bedroom. Castiel picked up his shirt and put it back on before getting into bed and letting Dean curl up behind him. He turned his head for a single soft kiss.

'Goodnight, Dean.'

'Night, Cas. Happy two monthiversary.'

'Happy two monthiversary.'

**********

Castiel woke up alone in bed, but the smell of bacon and coffee coming from downstairs told him where Dean had gone. He stopped in the bathroom then headed down to find Dean dancing around the kitchen to some kind of godawful pop music. Castiel leaned against the doorframe to watch, a fond smile on his face.

'Shake it off, shake it off,' Dean sang, doing some kind of little dance move, and when he twirled around with the spatula still in his hand. He froze when he saw Castiel grinning at him. 'Uh… morning, Cas.'

'Good morning. Somebody woke up cheerful.'

Dean smiled and gave him a kiss. 'Woke up next to you, didn't I?' He walked back to the stove and moved several strips of bacon to a paper towel. 'Is that enough bacon for you?'

'Plenty, thank you. Aren't you having any?'

'Nah, I only eat lean turkey bacon, and we're all out. Don't worry, I had a smoothie already.' He handed Castiel a plate with the bacon and scrambled eggs, followed by a mug of coffee.

'You're a saint,' Castiel said gratefully, taking his breakfast to the dining table and digging in.

'You look like you're enjoying that,' Dean said a bit wistfully.

'I am. Do you want a bit of the bacon?' He waved a strip in Dean's direction.

'Nah,' he said again.

'Are you sure?'

Dean bit his lip. 'Maybe just one bite?' Castiel held out the strip, and Dean took a small bite. 'Oh man. I haven't had regular bacon in years.'

'Good, right?'

'Pretty good,' Dean admitted. 'But I should probably stick with the turkey bacon. Healthier.'

'Whatever you prefer, Dean.'

'I mean,' Dean continued, 'I guess it wouldn't kill me to have regular bacon sometimes. Like if we run out of turkey bacon, I could have one piece of regular bacon, and that wouldn't be the end of the world, right?'

'Not at all. As long as you have it in moderation, there's nothing wrong with a little bit of bacon sometimes,' Castiel replied encouragingly.

'Right. It's not like I have to eat a whole pack of bacon every day or something.' He stood up and started pacing. 'And is it really that big of a deal to have a slice of normal pizza every once in a while? It's not like a little gluten is gonna kill me.'

'As long as you're not coeliac,' Castiel added, but Dean was on a roll.

'Sometimes I don't feel like running ten miles at seven o'clock in the morning on Sundays. I could get up at eight, or I could just run five miles, or both! That doesn't make me weak.' He was getting increasingly agitated, so Castiel stood up and took Dean in his arms.

'Hey, calm down. What's all this about?'

'And if I'm in a committed, loving relationship, why shouldn't I be intimate with my boyfriend?' Dean asked softly. 'Why am I denying myself that happiness?'

'Dean…'

'Why would some piece of paper make it more legitimate?' Dean carried on. 'Hell, if I'd met you a few years earlier, that wouldn't have even been an option. Would I have stayed a virgin forever because of some fluke of the legal system, or worse, lost you because of it? That's just crazy. It's crazy.'

'Dean,' Castiel interrupted more firmly. 'You're getting yourself worked up. It's OK. You don't have to go from all purity to all hedonism overnight.' He took Dean's face in his hands and looked him in the eye. 'If you really want to change things, we'll take it one step at a time. This weekend it was shirts off and a bit of bacon. Maybe next time you can have a slice of pizza and I'll grab your ass. We'll go slow, OK?'

Dean laughed. 'OK. Yeah, OK. Thanks, Cas. Come on, I'd better take you home.' They got dressed, Dean lending Castiel a pair of jeans he could wear with his button-up and a garment bag for his suit, and Dean drove Castiel home. They shared a lingering kiss in the driveway until eventually Castiel tore himself away with a promise to call later. He walked in the front door with his hands in pockets and a smile on his face.

'I assume I should start packing,' Meg said from the door of her room. She leaned against the door frame with her arms crossed wearing only her red silk robe.

'What?'

'Judging by the effort you went to last night and the nauseating display in the driveway, I'm guessing you finally sealed the deal, and I'm losing my room.'

Castiel blushed. 'Keep it. The bet's off.'

'What do you mean the bet's off?' Meg asked incredulously. 'Are you telling me you banged the virgin and don't want to claim your prize?'

'What I do with Dean is none of your business.'

Meg laughed. 'Oh, I get it. You're going to lose the bet, and you want to call it off so you can keep your Baby.'

'No, I'm saying it's a dick move to make a bet about fucking somebody.'

'Since when?' she scoffed.

'Since now. Dean deserves better.'

Meg's face twisted. 'Oh my god. You're sweet on him. You're actually dating, aren't you?' Castiel shrugged, which seemed to tell her everything she needed to know. 'I can't believe it. What the hell, Cas? He's a stuck-up, bible-thumping virgin!'

'He's neither stuck-up nor bible-thumping,' Castiel retorted. 'He's a good man.'

Meg snorted. 'Did he cut off your dick, or just take away its will to live?'

'Fuck you, Meg.'

'Yes please!' she said eagerly. 'I've had nothing but pussy for weeks, I'd love to get some dick.'

'Hey!' Ruby, also wearing a robe, appeared behind her with a pout. 'There was a dick a few times.'

Meg kissed her cheek. 'And you used it really well, sweetie. But it's nice to get a flesh and blood one too, and the one attached to Clarence is one of my favourites.' She walked over to Castiel and took his arm. 'I've missed it.'

Ruby sauntered over, taking Castiel's other arm. 'It is a nice one, and he definitely knows how to use it.'

Meg pulled the tie of her robe, letting it slip off her shoulders to reveal her bare body. 'Haven't you missed me, Clarence?' she asked coquettishly, taking his hand and cupping it around one breast. 'Haven't you missed these? Dean looked pretty flat-chested to me.'

Ruby followed Meg's lead with her own robe and Castiel's other hand. 'We had a lot of fun that time you joined us. Don't you want to have fun with us?'

Castiel closed his eyes, unable to resist squeezing the breasts in his hands. 'Fuck,' he muttered, and Meg pressed her advantage by unbuttoning his shirt.

'When's the last time you were touched properly, Clarence? Dean doesn't know how to make you feel good like I do.' She scraped her fingernails down his chest while Ruby began to work on his belt. 'Let me make you feel good, Clarence.' She slid her hand inside the jeans that Ruby had worked open, and the feeling of a hand other than his own on his dick sent him into a frenzy. He picked Meg up, wrapping her legs around his waist and slamming her against the wall as he kissed her frantically. He felt Ruby start tugging his jeans down, struggling a bit because they were Dean's and a bit tight around his thighs. The thought broke through the haze of his mind, and he tore himself away from Meg, almost dropping her in the process.

'What the fuck, Clarence?' she shouted as he pushed her away.

'This isn't what I want,' he said, doing up his jeans and belt. 'I don't care what you think. I want to be with Dean.'

'Yeah, I think you're SOL there,' Ruby said as she pulled on her robe.

'What?' She pointed behind him, where his garment back lay dropped on the floor by the open door. He realised that he had left it in Dean's car, and Dean must have driven back to drop it off. 'You saw him come in?' Ruby shrugged. 'How long was he here?'

'He came in sometime after Meg dropped her robe and ran out when you pushed her against the wall.'

He wheeled on Meg. 'You saw him, didn't you? That's why you did that.'

'No! I did it because I want to fuck you.' She smiled evilly. 'Him seeing it was just a bonus.'

Castiel was about to speak again when he heard the engine outside and realised that Dean wasn't gone yet. He ran out the door just as Dean was starting to reverse out of the driveway. 'Dean! Dean, wait!' he called out, sprinting to the driver's side of the car. 'Dean, please, listen, it's not what you think!'

Dean stopped the car and rolled down the window. 'Really? So I didn't just see you with a naked Meg wrapped around your waist while some other naked chick was pulling your- sorry, my- pants down?'

'It was an accident- I went a bit crazy for a minute. I haven't had sex in over two months!'

'And I haven't had sex in over twenty-eight years, but I've managed not to have accidental threesomes with two chicks in my living room!'

'I wasn’t going to! I came to my senses and pushed them away. I told Meg I didn't want her because I want to be with you. Please, Dean, you have to believe me. They saw you come in and were trying to ruin things for us.'

'You kissed her, Cas. I saw you pick her up, I saw you push her against the wall, not five minutes after you were kissing me in your driveway. Do you have any idea how that made me feel? Especially when…'

'Dean, please. I'll get in the car, we'll go back to your house and talk.'

Dean shook his head. 'I saw your suit in the back, and it felt like a sign. I spent all morning thinking about how much I want to be with you; even when I dropped you off, I wanted to follow you in, go to your room… I didn’t just drive back to drop off the suit, I drove back so I could give myself to you. I thought we had something real, something special.'

'We do!' Cas cried. 'We do, Dean! That was all true.'

'I want to believe you.'

Castiel reached in and grabbed Dean's hands to kiss them. 'Then do. Please believe me, because it's true. I had no intention of sleeping with Meg, I had no idea she would do what she did. We've been friends for years, I didn't think she would value my car over my friendship.'

'What does your car have to do with anything?' The colour drained from Castiel's face. 'Cas?'

'OK… this is going to sound really bad, but… when I first went to the abstinence group, it was on a bet with Meg. If I won, I got her room, which is bigger and has its own bathroom, and if she won, she got my car.'

'Oh,' Dean said, stretching it out to indicate his understanding. 'You made a bet about how long you could stay abstinent and she was trying to get you to give in. Shit, that's sneaky.'

It would have been so easy to let Dean believe that, but Castiel knew he couldn’t coast on that lie. He wanted that real, special thing with Dean, and that meant he'd have to be honest. 'Not exactly. The bet was that I would be able to seduce someone from the group.' He looked at Dean guiltily and waited for the penny to drop.

'Oh. So all of this was just for you to win some stupid bet,' Dean said flatly.

'No! It started that way, yes, but very quickly I came to really care for you, Dean. None of that has been a lie. My feelings are real, wanting to take things slowly is real, every word I've said to you, it's all real.'

'Have you really been abstinent since you signed the pledge?'

Castiel cringed. 'No. The night of the first meeting I hooked up with Pam, and later Meg joined us. Between the first and second meetings, I slept with a couple of guys, and the night of the second meeting I had a threesome with Meg and Ruby. But that was the last time I touched anybody but you.'

Dean gripped his steering wheel tightly. 'I see.'

'I didn't have to tell you any of this, Dean,' Castiel pleaded. 'I'm being honest because I want to be with you, and I want our relationship to be based in honesty from now on. I didn't tell you sooner because I was afraid, and I'm sorry that this is how you found out.'

'I don't know,' Dean said shakily, still unable to meet Castiel's eye. 'I need some time to think.'

'Dean, please-'

'Just… give me some time think,' Dean said harshly, and Castiel backed away with his hands up in surrender.

'OK. I'll be here.'

Dean drove off without another word.

'What the fuck was that?' Castiel screamed as he stormed in and slammed the door. 'How could you do that to me?'

'Oh please, I did you a favour,' Meg sneered, tying her robe back up. 'Why would you want to be shackled to that prissy choir boy?'

'Dean is the best thing that's ever happened to me. If I lose him because of you…' He huffed a breath and collapsed onto the couch.

'Cas,' Meg said gently, sitting next to him, 'it was just a stupid bet.'

He turned to glare at her. 'Yes, it was stupid. And I never imagined that getting my car would mean more to you than my friendship.'

Meg's jaw dropped. 'You think this is about your stupid car?' Ruby rolled her eyes and went back into Meg's room.

'Isn't it?'

'No!' She grabbed the still-open sides of his shirt. 'It's about you, Clarence. I could tell he was getting under your skin. I couldn't let that happen.'

'Since when do you care who I fuck?'

'Since it stopped being me!'

Castiel scoffed 'Seriously? You pulled that stunt because you were jealous?'

'Of course I was jealous, you moron! I'm in love with you!'

Castiel's eyes widened in amazement. 'What?'

'I'm in love with you. I always have been.'

Castiel freed himself from her grip and stood up. 'Well, you have a funny way of showing it.' He stormed off to his room, leaving a despondent Meg on the couch.

**********

Castiel packed a couple of suitcases and booked a motel room, leaving a note for Meg and sending a text to Dean. Two days later, neither of them had made any contact. He sent Dean another text, and then another, apologising again, telling him how much he cared about him. When there was still no word, he left voicemails, and when Wednesday rolled around, went to St Michael's only to find a note on the door saying the meeting was cancelled. Further calls, messages, and emails went unanswered, and when a week had passed, he was completely desperate. There was only one thing left to do.

He parked a few blocks away and walked to Dean's house to avoid tipping him off with Baby's engine noise. Dean's car was sitting in the driveway, so with his heart in his throat, he rang the bell, and after waiting a few seconds, started knocking. 'Dean! Dean, please open the door!' Another minute passed, and then the door opened.

'What do you want?' Dean scowled.

'I need to talk to you. I've been trying to reach you, I left you messages.'

'I got them.'

'I went to St Michael's on Wednesday.'

Dean crossed his arms and sighed. 'What do you want, Cas?'

'You,' Castiel said tearfully. 'Just you. I know I messed up, but if we could just talk about it-'

'No.'

Castiel stepped back as if slapped. 'No?'

'How can I trust you, Cas? You don't even respect me enough to give me space when I asked for it, how can I believe that you'll respect me enough to be honest with me?'

'I… I didn't think…'

'Yeah, you didn't think. I don't even know if the person I fell in love with exists, or if he's just made-up bullshit to get me in bed.'

'He exists, Dean- I exist. That wasn't a lie. What can I do to make you trust me again?'

Dean shook his head. 'I don't know. I have to see that the person I need is really there- somebody who's honest with me and with himself. I don't know if you can do that.'

'I can,' Castiel said desperately, taking Dean's hand. 'I want to be that person for you.'

Dean pulled his hand back. 'You need to be that person for you, Cas. Maybe then we can talk.'

He began to close the door, and Castiel's hand shot out to hold it open. 'Dean! I lo-'

'Don't you fucking dare,' Dean snarled. 'Not now.' He pushed Castiel's hand away and slammed the door.

Chapter Text

Three months. It had been three months since he had last seen Dean's face in any other form than as a picture on his phone, but he was still the first thing Castiel thought of when he woke up in the morning and the last thing he thought of before falling asleep at night. The pain wasn't as sharp as it had been at first- just a dull ache now, but one that permeated every cell of his being. Still, he had kept his word and given Dean the space he had asked for, no messages, no calls, no emails. He had even deleted Dean's number from his phone so he wouldn't drunk dial him.

Two weeks after the entire fiasco had gone down, he had moved out into an apartment, and after all the last issues with bills and mail had been sorted out, he hadn't spoken to Meg again.

He had tried to cope with everything on his own, trying to become the person he needed to be to get Dean back, but as time passed, he came to understand what Dean had meant about it needing to happen for his own sake. He decided to continue with the abstinence thing, though without the support of the group to honour Dean's wishes. Strangely, he found that it wasn't particularly difficult- the only person he wanted was Dean, and the thought of being with anyone else made him sick to his core.

After a month of struggling, he decided to get support in another way: therapy. Dr Missouri Mosely was a kind, motherly type who also took absolutely none of his shit, and instead of going to St Michael's every other Wednesday, he now spent that time in her office, getting his soul flayed raw an hour at a time.

Now it was three months almost to the day since Dean had slammed the door in his face, and he spent his entire session talking about their relationship. His eyes were red and swollen by the time he stepped out into the hallway of the house where Missouri had her clinic, but he felt a little lighter remembering the happiness that Dean had brought him, short-lived though it had been.

'Do you need my insurance card?' came the voice of Missouri's next patient speaking to the receptionist, and Castiel froze in his tracks.

'It's fine, we already have the information from your referral,' the receptionist replied. 'The person ahead of you has finished, so you can head back.'

'Thank you,' said the other patient again, and Castiel knew he wasn't imagining things. That was Dean's voice, and Castiel only had a few seconds to slip past without being seen, but his feet just wouldn't move. Dean came around the corner too fast and bumped into him.

'Oh, sorry, man, I didn't-' he cut himself off, and Castiel dragged his eyes up to look at the face he'd been dreaming about for what seemed like forever. The blood had drained right out of it. 'Cas?'

'Hello, Dean. Apologies, I didn't mean to get in your way.' He shuffled to the side and extended his hand to indicate where Dean should go, but he didn't move.

'Are… are you seeing Missouri too?'

'Yes, for the past couple of months.'

'Oh. This is my first time.'

'I see. Isn't this usually the group meeting night?'

Dean rubbed the back of his neck. 'Yeah. I, uh, I handed the group over to Bonnie.'

Castiel nodded, eyes swimming with tears. Dean must have found someone, someone worthy of his love, and that lucky bastard would be getting everything that Castiel wanted. It made sense- it wasn't like Castiel deserved it. 'I'm sure she'll be very enthusiastic,' he managed to choke out.

'Shit, are you crying?' Dean asked with true concern in his voice. Without thinking twice, he put a comforting hand on Castiel's shoulder, and Castiel let out a shuddering sigh.

'Sorry. Rough session.' He wiped his eyes and tried to smile. 'Speaking of which, I guess it's your turn. I won't keep you.'

Dean nodded but still didn't move. 'Hey, um… are you doing anything in about an hour?'

'No,' Castiel replied tentatively. 'Why?'

'Do you wanna get some coffee after my thing? We could catch up.' He actually looked hopeful, and a colony of butterflies took flight in Castiel's stomach.

'That would be very nice.'

'Great. How about that Sweet Treats place a few blocks over? I'll head there as soon as I'm done here.'

'That sounds great, Dean. I'll see you soon.'

Dean smiled and gave his shoulder a squeeze. 'See you soon.'

Castiel walked out feeling stunned, happier than he'd felt in months. Even knowing that Dean was probably about to tell him about his new partner, the chance to be near him again felt like redemption. Considering how things had gone down between them the last time they saw each other, just the fact that Dean had talked to him at all made it feel like the sun had come out on a rainy day.

It was a slow walk to the car, a few minutes sitting in the driver's seat without moving, taking it all in, and then a short drive to Sweet Treats. He got a booth in the corner, facing the door so he could see Dean arrive, and spent the remaining time over a cup of coffee trying to steel himself for what was to come. He probably wouldn't see Dean again after tonight, unless they ran into each other at Missouri's again, but maybe he could get some closure at least. If he was very lucky, they might even be able to build some kind of friendship eventually. Castiel thought he might like that, once his heart had finished breaking over what he'd lost.

Dean walked in at the expected time, and Castiel let out a sigh of relief before waving him over. Against all odds, Dean was smiling at him, and Castiel couldn't help but smile back. The server came over and took their orders, and to Castiel's shock, Dean ordered coffee and a slice of pie.

'You drink coffee now?' he asked, and Dean chuckled.

'I'm trying, anyway. Trying a lot of different things. I know for a fact that pie has high fructose corn syrup in it, but I'm going to eat it anyway, because it tastes really fuckin' good.'

'Wow. Some big changes in your life, then.'

'I guess. I had a tough time for a while there, and I realised that all the things I was doing to keep my life under control were controlling me. Sam sat me down and talked some sense into me, and now I'm gonna be getting some help from Missouri to separate my feelings of self-worth from so-called purity. I mean, it's all bullshit, ya know? What does purity even mean? It's such a flawed concept. So, yeah.' The server arrived with their orders and Dean thanked her before going on. 'How about you? What have you been up to?'

'Some changes for me too. I got my own place a couple of weeks after… um, it's just an apartment, but it's OK for now. I've been seeing Missouri every other week for a couple of months to help with… everything. That's it really,' Castiel shrugged.

'Oh, that's cool. And… is there anyone special in your life?' Dean asked softly, intensely focused on stirring cream and sugar into his coffee.

'No.'

Dean kept stirring, a blush appearing on his cheeks. 'Keeping your options open like old times?'

'If you want to know whether I started sleeping around again, the answer is no. If you want to know whether I'm dating at all, the answer is no.'

'Oh.' The blush spread. 'I'm not seeing anybody either.'

'You're not?' Castiel asked with genuine surprise. 'But you left the group?'

'You thought I left because I was with somebody?'

'It seemed a reasonable guess.'

'Yeah, fair enough. But no, it's all part of this whole not being so worried about purity thing. Plus, I haven't exactly been a great leader lately.'

'I'm sorry.'

Dean finally stopped stirring and looked up at Castiel. 'For what?'

Castiel shrugged. 'Everything.'

Dean frowned. 'Do you regret all of it?'

'I don't regret a single moment I spent with you, except for the ones that hurt you. Those are the biggest regrets of my life, and I'm sorry for all of them.'

The corner of Dean's mouth turned up. 'I'm sorry, too.'

'You have nothing to be sorry for,' Castiel insisted. 'I was the asshole.'

'I slammed a door in your face.'

'You were right to do so. I was being selfish and entitled. You always treated me better than I deserved, including on that day. I'm just sorry it took me losing you to understand that.' He could feel the tears threatening to come again, and he took a sip of coffee to distract himself.

'So… you missed me?' Dean asked shyly.

'Every second of every day,' Castiel replied bluntly.

'Me too.' Dean squirmed in his seat. 'When I saw you at Missouri's, I couldn't believe it. I thought I was imagining things because I'd been thinking about you so much.'

'About how much you hated me?' Castiel asked sadly.

Dean shook his head. 'I never hated you. Sam… well, he wanted to rip your dick off, but I was just sad.'

'I'm sorry I made you sad for even a second. You're very special to me, Dean.'

'Do you think… would you maybe wanna start hanging out again?' Dean asked tentatively.

'Yes, I would love that,' Castiel said eagerly.

'Just so we're on the same page, is that as friends or… more?'

Castiel took a deep breath. 'My feelings for you haven't changed, but if you would prefer a platonic relationship, I understand completely.'

'I think I'd wanna start slow, but… I don't think I could ever just be friends with you, Cas.' Dean extended his hand on the table, and Castiel took it in both of his, bringing it up to his lips to drop a soft kiss on the palm.

'Thank you, Dean.'

They talked for a few more minutes, making plans to see each other again on Saturday. Castiel sheepishly admitted that he had deleted Dean's phone number, so Dean sent him a new message to re-establish his place in Castiel's address book. That seemed like a good place to finish the evening, so they paid their bill and walked out to the parking lot, where Dean had parked next to Baby.

'She's still a beauty,' he said. 'I've missed her too. Especially the backseat.' He knocked shoulders with Castiel, who smiled back at him.

'We've both missed you, too. I'm so glad we ran into each other.'

'Me too, Cas. C'mere.' He wrapped Castiel in a hug, and Castiel put his arms around Dean's waist with a sob of relief. They both squeezed tightly, as if afraid to let go in case it turned out to be some elaborate dream. Eventually Dean pulled back, but only far enough to rest their foreheads together. 'That felt awesome, right?'

'Amazing,' Castiel agreed. 'I never thought I'd get to feel that again.'

Dean's hands moved to cradle Castiel's face, tilting it down to place a kiss on his forehead. 'I'll see you Saturday, OK?'

'See you Saturday.'

**********

Castiel made sure to look his absolute best on Saturday. He wore his most ass-hugging jeans and a blue t-shirt that accentuated his muscles just right and brought out his eyes. He left a two-day stubble and styled his hair into a perfect bedhead look. They had been texting a lot in the few days since their coffee date, and aside from a few awkward moments, it felt like nothing had changed between them. The easy banter, the ability to go on for hours- it was all still there and gave Castiel hope like he hadn't allowed himself to feel in months.

Dean had asked to meet at the state park where they'd had one of their early dates, so Castiel packed his cooler and picked up a bouquet on the way. Dean was already there when he arrived, sitting on the hood of his car. His smile warmed Castiel right through. He presented the flowers with a flourish and was pleased to see Dean's cheeks go pink.

'I hope you don't mind coming here again,' Dean said after a long hug. 'I really liked it last time we came. I thought we could go for another walk.'

'That sounds wonderful. I've brought some food if you want to find that picnic spot again.' Dean agreed, so Castiel grabbed the cooler, and they walked along the same path as that first visit, nearly half a year earlier. They were mostly quiet, with occasional interruptions for Castiel to point out an interesting plant or birdsong. About halfway along, Dean took Castiel's hand, and they walked with fingers intertwined the rest of the way.

When they reached the clearing, Castiel set the cooler on the picnic table and then Dean pulled him close. 'We had our second kiss here.'

'We did.' Castiel remembered it clearly, the surprise he had felt at Dean's skills despite his virginity. 'Perhaps we could have a historical re-enactment.'

Dean grinned, leaning even closer. They were mere millimetres apart now, and Castiel was desperate to close the distance, but he was determined that every step they took was going to be at Dean's pace and instigation. After a pause that lasted a lifetime, Dean's lips crashed against his, as hot and hungry as they had been that first time. Castiel threw his arms around Dean's neck, while Dean wound his around Castiel's back, their bodies pressed as tightly together as they could.

'Fuck,' Dean panted when they finally paused for breath. 'We still got it.' Castiel murmured his agreement and emphasised it with another kiss.

Eventually they managed to pry themselves apart for long enough to eat lunch, then got right back to kissing the moment they were done. It was only the arrival of another group of picnickers that forced them to stop and head back to their cars.

'Today has been really great, Dean,' Castiel said as he put the cooler back in the car. 'Thank you for suggesting it.'

'I liked it, too. Does it have to be over?'

'No, not at all. What did you have in mind?'

Dean took Castiel's hands. 'You could show me your new place?'

'Oh. Yes, I'd be happy to. Maybe we could order in something for dinner?' Castiel offered.

'That sounds good. Uh, I eat pizza now if you want to get that.'

'Perfect. I'll text you the address in case we get separated, but why don't you just follow me?'

They drove out of the park and back towards Castiel's apartment, the nervous tension in Castiel's stomach growing with each passing mile. They finally pulled up at the complex, and Castiel showed Dean where to park before leading him up to his place.

'Seems like a nice place,' Dean observed, indicating the well-kept pool and landscaping.

'I like it. The apartment isn't much, but it's in good condition and has everything I need.' They stepped inside and slipped off their shoes by the door. 'So, living room, kitchen, the left door is the bathroom and the right door is my bedroom. That's pretty much it really.'

'Have you ever had an STD test?' Dean blurted out unexpectedly and cringed as soon as he'd said it.

Castiel was taken aback, but he had promised to be completely open with Dean, so he answered. 'Uh… yes, of course. My last one was two months ago, would you like to see it?'

'Why two months ago?'

'Some STDs have a longer incubation time, so you need to test several weeks after your last sexual encounter to be sure it's negative.' He walked over to a bookshelf and pulled out a box file labelled Medical. He found the test results and gave them to Dean. 'Clean bill of health.'

Dean read it and handed it back. 'Cool. Great.'

Castiel put it back in the file and returned it to the shelf. 'Is there anything else you'd like to ask me?'

'That day…' Dean began, rubbing his neck again, 'the bad day… you were going say something to me, but I told you not to.'

'I remember.'

'Did you mean what you were going to say?'

'I did.'

'And do you think you'd feel that way again eventually?'

Castiel cupped Dean's jaw with both hands. 'Dean, I love you. I meant it then, and I mean it now, and I haven't stopped feeling it for a moment in between.'

Dean beamed, covering Castiel's hands with his own. 'Me too, Cas. Never stopped loving you, no matter how hard I tried.' Castiel felt like his heart might explode with sheer joy. Dean still loved him! This day couldn't get any better. 'I want you to take me to bed.'

He stood corrected.

'To bed?'

Dean nodded, moving Castiel's hands from his face to his ass, and put his on Castiel's shoulders. 'To bed.'

'You mean…'

'I want it to be you, Cas. Almost since we first met.'

Castiel was pretty sure he knew what Dean was saying but needed it to be completely clear. 'You want what to be me?'

'My first time.'

'Dean, until a few days ago, we hadn't even spoken in months,' Castiel said warily. 'I don't want you to rush into this and then regret it. That's not who I am anymore.'

Dean softly kissed his lips. 'That's exactly how I know you're the one.' He kissed him again. 'I can tell you've changed, Cas. And you did it even thinking you might never see me again, that I might have been with somebody else. You could have slipped back into your old habits, but you didn't. I'm proud of you.' He moved to cup Castiel's face with his hands, Castiel gently gripped his wrists.

'Dean, please tell me you're not offering sex because you want to reward me for good behaviour. Your virginity isn't a cookie.'

Dean laughed. 'I'm offering you sex because I've wanted to have sex with you since I saw you eating apple pie in St Michael's church hall. Do you have any idea how erotically you eat pie?'

Castiel smirked. 'Maybe.'

Dean smirked back. 'Sinner.' He leaned in for another kiss, but Castiel held him back.

'Dean…'

'Cas, the only way your "good behaviour" affects my decision is it means I can go into it without having to worry if you'll still love me tomorrow. I've always wanted you, always. Please, Cas… take me to bed.'

Castiel nodded. 'OK, Dean. If you're sure… I'd love to.'

Dean kissed him softly, teasingly. 'Very sure.' They kept kissing as Castiel guided them slowly towards the bedroom, pausing only to switch on a lamp and take their shirts off.

'How do you want this to go, Dean?' Castiel asked against Dean's lips.

'Want you inside me,' Dean replied, and Castiel moaned at the thought. 'But first, I really wanna know what a blow job feels like.'

With a smug grin, Castiel dropped to his knees and undid Dean's belt and fly. 'You're in luck. I'm very good at it.' He pushed Dean's jeans down until he could step out of them, wanting to allow him maximum range of motion. His socks and boxer-briefs came off next, and just like that, Castiel had Dean completely naked in front of him. He ran his hands up and down Dean's thighs, feeling him tense with anticipation.

As he had suspected months ago, Dean's cock was as perfect as the rest of him, and now it was finally his for the taking. He started slowly, first just touching it with his fingertips, and even that was enough to send a delicious shudder through Dean's entire body. His touch grew firmer, until finally his hand was wrapped around it, stroking slowly to bring him to full hardness.

Just before Dean could complain that he'd asked for a blow job, not a hand job, Castiel reached out and flicked the frenulum with his tongue. Dean's gasp was everything he could have asked for. He flattened his tongue and dragged it over Dean's full length, swirled it around the head, and then finally took him into his mouth.

'Oh my god!' Dean cried out as Castiel slowly took him deeper and deeper, then pulled back to suck at the head before going deep again. 'Cas, fuck, not gonna last, fuck!' Castiel replied by putting Dean's hands on his head and pushed on them to force Castiel's face almost flush against Dean's pelvis. He hoped that Dean would get the message to fuck his face, but it was too late for that. With a cry, Dean came down Castiel's throat. 'Oh god, Cas, I'm so sorry!'

Castiel came off Dean's cock with a slurp and smiled up at him. 'Why would you be sorry?'

'Didn't last very long,' Dean mumbled, clearly embarrassed.

'So? You've never had a blow job before, and like I said, I'm very good at it. Besides, now that you've come once, you're more likely to last longer later.'

'Well, when you put it that way,' Dean replied shyly. 'Can I try?'

'I'm not sure I'll last much longer that you did,' Castiel warned him.

'That's OK. I want to taste you.'

'Jesus. Yeah, come here.' Castiel sat on the bed, and Dean got down on his knees. He took Castiel's cock into his trembling hand, and they both sighed at the feeling. 'God, I've dreamed of having your hands on me.'

'Just my hands?' Dean teased, placing a kiss on the tip of Castiel's cock.

'Definitely not just your hands. The things I've wanted to do to you… even I blushed sometimes.'

'Tell me all about it,' Dean urged before running his tongue over the length and around the head.

'That's a good start. I fantasised about teaching you to suck dick like a pro. Taking me all the way into your throat, swallowing around me while I fucked your face. I dreamed about you on your hands and knees, letting me pound into you, feeling your muscles clench around me. About you riding me until you come without me even needing to touch you,' Castiel panted as Dean began to suck on the head of his cock, tentatively bobbing his head a little deeper each time until he couldn't contain his gag reflex.

'Sorry, I don't think I can go any deeper,' Dean said sheepishly.

'It takes practice. I'd be happy to give you plenty of opportunities to do so.' Castiel ran his fingers through Dean's hair, thrilling in how Dean responded to his touch. 'But it doesn't have to be deep to feel good.' Encouraged by that, Dean went back to it, trying to emulate what Castiel had done to him. 'Fuck, I'm going to come,' Castiel warned him, and Dean pulled back enough to catch most of Castiel's release on his tongue and lips. 'Oh fuck!'

Dean licked him clean, looking up at him with a hopeful smile when he was done. 'Was it good, Cas?'

'Wonderful. I love you so much.' He pulled Dean up and let himself fall back onto the bed with Dean's weight above him.

'Love you, too, Cas.' Dean murmured against Castiel's lips. They rearranged themselves so they were lying comfortably on the bed, and Dean let himself be pulled into Castiel's strong arms. 'Damn. Orgasms with another person are awesome.'

'They are,' Castiel agreed, 'and they're the best with someone you love.'

'You gettin' sappy on me, Cas?' Dean teased.

'Completely. I didn't even know I had it in me to be so sappy until I met you.' He kissed the top of Dean's head and stroked the bare skin on his back and arms. 'Thank you.'

'For what?'

'For showing me that some things are worth the effort. And worth waiting for.'

'Well, thank you for showing me that living life by an arbitrary set of rules isn't the shortcut to happiness.' Dean squeezed him tightly, and Castiel squeezed back.

'I guess we both learned something. I'm just glad I didn't lose you completely.'

'Me too.' Dean tilted his face up for a kiss, soft and sweet at first, but before long it was all fire and heat as they tangled their legs and rubbed their rapidly-hardening cocks together. 'Cas… want you, please.'

'You have me,' Castiel murmured. 'Let me just get lube and a condom.'

'Just the lube,' Dean corrected, and Castiel's eyes widened.

'Are you sure?'

'I want to feel you. Just you.'

'Is that why you asked about the test?' Dean nodded, a bashful smile playing on his lips. 'OK, just the lube then.' He reached into his dresser and pulled out the bottle, which had barely been used in weeks.

'Was it really true, what you said that time about your dick?'

'What did I say about my dick when?'

'Um, you said since you were uncut you didn't need lube for, you know.'

Castiel chuckled. 'I can't believe you remember that!'

'Trust me, Cas, it was burned into my memory. I think I pictured your dick that entire meeting.'

'That was my intention at the time,' Castiel smirked. 'And yes, it's true. The lube is for toys.'

'Toys?' Dean's voice squeaked slightly, much to his embarrassment, so he cleared his throat and repeated in a much deeper tone, 'Toys?'

'Oh yes. Plugs, beads, prostate massagers, vibrating dildos… lots of lube required for all that stuff.'

Dean looked like he might faint. 'Wow. I had no idea there was so much stuff. I thought it was just for girls.'

Castiel rolled them over so Dean was on his back and flashed him a predatory grin. 'Oh, my sweet summer child, the things I will teach you.' Dean shivered deliciously, closing his eyes as if to picture it all. Castiel took advantage of his distraction to slick up his fingers and tease one against Dean's entrance.

'Holy shit!' Dean cried out as the very tip of Castiel's finger penetrated him.

'Relax, deep breaths,' Castiel instructed, and Dean forced himself to obey. Castiel's finger went deeper, curling in to seek out Dean's prostate. 'How does it feel?'

'Kinda weird. Not bad, but not- fuck!' Dean gasped, hips thrusting up off the bed as Castiel found his prostate.

'Good?'

'Uh, yeah, fuck, yeah,' Dean panted, eyes fluttering closed while Castiel continued to stimulate the spot. He added more lube and another finger, taking plenty of time to get Dean ready for him. When he was satisfied that Dean could take it, he pulled his fingers out and wiped them down before lubing up his cock and leaning in for a kiss.

'How do you want me?' he murmured.

'Can… can we do it like this? Face to face?'

'Of course.' Castiel put a pillow under Dean's lower back and lined himself up, pushing in slowly and gently. 'Are you OK?' Dean closed his eyes and nodded, breaths short and shallow. 'Dean, look at me.' Dean opened his eyes, pupils blown wide with lust and not a trace of reluctance in his gaze. 'God, you're beautiful. Does this feel OK?'

'Feels amazing, Cas. Keep going.' Castiel obeyed, easing in until he was finally as deep as he could go. 'Oh fuck,' Dean sighed. 'I love this. Can't believe I waited so long.'

'Worth every minute,' Castiel assured him. Once he trusted that he could move without finishing too soon, Castiel began to roll his hips, grinding for a bit before starting to pull out more fully to get a proper thrust going. Dean wrapped his legs around Castiel's waist, urging him on. 'You have no idea how much I've pictured those fucking bowlegs wrapped around me,' Castiel moaned.

'You told me once, that you wanted that,' Dean replied. 'Last time we were in bed together.'

'And I've fantasised about it many more times since then. None of them lived up to the reality. You're so fucking sexy. So gorgeous.'

'You're making me blush, Cas.'

'Mmm, good. I love your blushes. I love how it goes all the way down to your stomach and makes your freckles more obvious. I love knowing that I've made you all hot and bothered.' As he spoke, Castiel increased his pace and slightly changed his angle, and suddenly Dean cried out sharply.

'Fuck! Do that again!' he demanded, and Castiel repeated his movement. 'Feels awesome, Cas, keep going, please, fuck!'

Castiel pushed himself up onto his arms. 'Touch yourself, Dean. Come for me.'

Dean didn't need to be told twice. He slicked his hand and stroked his dick hard and fast while Castiel pounded into him. 'Cas!' he called out as he came, and a minute later, Castiel followed him over the edge.

They held each other tightly afterwards, unworried about the mess for the moment as they revelled in their closeness, whispering words of love and devotion while they came down from the high of their orgasms. When he began to soften, Castiel finally drew away, grabbing a few tissues to catch the worst of it as he pulled out. Dean groaned at the sensation.

'Are you OK?' Castiel asked nervously.

'I'm awesome. That was awesome. You're awesome.'

'Good. I'll be right back.' Castiel went to the bathroom to clean himself up and dampen a couple of washcloths with warm water for Dean. He wiped him down tenderly, throwing the washcloths in the hamper when he was done and taking Dean in his arms.

'So, um, was that OK? I wasn't too bad at it?'

'Dean, you were amazing. It felt so good. I had no idea it could be like that.'

'Yeah?' Dean asked with a grin. 'Like, top ten?'

'Number one, by far.'

'You're just saying that.'

'I'm not. I've never been in love with my partner, and I've never had sex without a condom, so in a sense it was a first time for me as well. It was incredible.'

'Awesome. I thought so too.'

They stayed curled up in a spooning position, and Castiel could hardly believe that he was really here like this with Dean. 'Can you stay the night?' he whispered against Dean's ear.

'Yeah, of course, Cas. No way I'm going home now.'

'Won't Sam worry?'

Dean shook his head. 'Sam's staying at Jessica's place, he won't notice me not coming home. Now shh, I'm trying to fall asleep in my boyfriend's arms here.'

**********

Castiel woke up in the middle of the night sweaty, hard, and for a split second, certain it had all been a dream. Then Dean moved against him, and he realised that the reason he was sweaty and hard was that Dean was still pressed tightly to his chest and rubbing against him with a soft groan.

'Dean,' Castiel murmured, 'are you awake?'

'Yeah,' Dean panted in reply. 'And I want you real bad right now.' He flipped over so they were facing each other.

'What do you want, Dean?'

'I want you. Like you had me last night,' Dean replied shyly, reaching around Castiel's hip to run his fingers suggestively down the cleft of Castiel's ass.

'I need you to be more specific,' Castiel teased.

'What, you need me to spell it out for you? Draw a diagram, maybe?' Dean joked back.

'Just use your words.'

'I, um, I want to make love to you,' Dean mumbled, burying his face against Castiel's shoulder.

'Do you?' Castiel tucked his finger under Dean's chin, forcing him to look up. 'Is that what you want?' Dean shook his head. 'What do you really want, Dean?'

'Wanna fuck you, Cas. Don't get me wrong, the whole lovemaking thing, definitely wanna try that later, but right now I just want…' he trailed off, letting his body do the talking as he rolled Castiel onto his back and began thrusting against him.

'Where's the lube?' Castiel gasped.

Dean fumbled around the nightstand until he found where they'd left it the night before. Castiel guided him on what to do, and within a few minutes he was buried deep inside Castiel, holding him tightly as he tried to hold back his orgasm.

'Cas… so tight… fuck!' Dean moaned.

'It's OK, take your time,' Castiel said soothingly. 'You feel amazing.'

After a few more moments, Dean finally felt able to move, starting slowly as he figured out what he liked, but it didn't take long for him to be thrusting with wild abandon. Castiel held on for dear life, wrapping his legs around Dean's waist and his arms around Dean's shoulders, rocking his hips up to get the right angle for the stimulation he needed. Dean cried out when he came, his entire body trembling with his release.

'Cas…' he sighed, collapsing onto him. 'I love you.'

'I love you, too. But you're very heavy.'

Dean chuckled and pushed himself up onto his forearms. 'Oh shit! You didn't come yet!' He looked so dismayed that Castiel couldn’t help but smile.

'I'm sure that sweet mouth of yours could fix that pretty quickly,' Castiel teased. Dean grinned and wasted no time in sliding down Castiel's body, but when he looked down between Castiel's legs, his eyes grew wide.

'Oh fuck.'

Castiel came up onto his elbows with a frown. 'Is something wrong?'

'Sorry,' Dean replied with a shake of his head. 'It's just… that's my come.' He tried to suppress a grin, but the corners of his mouth twitched up as he blushed. 'It's kinda gross, but… kinda awesome. Is that weird?'

'I get it,' Castiel said with a smile, hooking his legs around Dean's back to pull him down. 'You marked me. Made me yours.'

'Well that's fuckin' cheesy.'

'You are cheesy, don't even try to deny it.' He ran his fingers through Dean's hair, guiding him towards the still-hard cock in front of his face.

'Not denying it.' He licked a stripe up Castiel's cock and grinned at the shiver that elicited. 'Are you mine?'

'Always,' Castiel promised softly. 'Now, I hate to ruin the romantic moment, but, um…'

'Right, sorry!' Dean returned his attention to the task at hand and had Castiel coming within a couple of minutes.

Afterwards, they lay on their sides facing each other, exchanging soft kisses and shy smiles. 'I meant it, you know,' Castiel said eventually.

'What?'

'I'm yours.' He took Dean's hand and interlaced their fingers. 'Completely. As long as you'll have me.'

'Me too, Cas. As long as you'll have me.'

**********

The next time Castiel woke up, it was fully morning and Dean's hair was tickling his nose. He kissed the top of his head and tried to get up, but Dean tightened his grip.

'No. Stay.'

'I have to pee.'

'Hold it. I'm still snuggling,' Dean grumbled.

'We can snuggle more later. Aren't you hungry?' Castiel coaxed. 'I have bacon.'

'Mmm. Fine. But then we're going to my place. Your bed sucks compared to my memory foam.'

'It's a deal.'

After breakfast and a long, shared shower involving Dean's first experience with mutual handjobs, Castiel packed a bag and Dean drove them to his house. Once he had parked in the driveway, Dean hurried out to open the door for Castiel, taking a moment to press him against the car and kiss him breathless.

'Memory foam,' Castiel reminded him, and he pulled away only enough for them to be able to make their way to the house. They walked in still wrapped in each other's arms, barely looking where they were going as they smiled and smooched their way into the house.

'Oh, Dean, great!' came a voice from the kitchen, and suddenly Sam was right there, catching them mid-kiss. 'Have you seen my- what the fuck?' Dean and Castiel pulled apart reluctantly and looked at Sam.

'Sam! I thought you were with Jess.'

'And I thought you were never going to talk to that asshole again, but here we are. What the hell is he doing here?' Sam asked with a cold fury.

'I invited him,' Dean replied. 'We ran into each other the other day and talked.'

'Oh, you just happened to run into each other, huh?' Sam said sarcastically. 'Let me guess, he just so happened to go by the Roadhouse, or completely by chance shopped at the same supermarket even though he lives miles away.'

'It was at Dr Moseley's,' Castiel chimed in, but this seemed to make Sam even angrier.

'You fucker. You stalked him to therapy to get in his pants?'

Dean just rolled his eyes, but Castiel was shocked that this was what Sam thought of him. 'Of course not! I've been attending sessions with Dr Moseley for weeks now!'

'It's true, Sam. He was leaving when I was on my way in, and I initiated the conversation. I initiated everything since then.' Sam's eyes grew wide, but before he could splutter out the question that tangled up his vocal cords, Dean continued. 'My decision, Sammy. Cas has changed for the better, just like me. And we fuckin' love each other, man.'

'Is that what he told you?'

'Sam,' Castiel cut in, 'I understand your anger and suspicion, but I swear, it's true. I love Dean. I've made mistakes- a lot of them- but the biggest one was hurting him.' He stepped right up to Sam and stuck out his chin. 'If you feel the need to punch me for what happened, go right ahead. But I love your brother, and I'm not going anywhere.'

Sam looked genuinely taken aback- like he had expected Castiel to say whatever he needed to get Dean into bed, but not repeat it to anyone else. Dean took advantage of his hesitation to step in front of Castiel.

'Hey, nobody's punching anybody. I know you're just trying to protect me, Sammy, but this is my choice.'

Sam pursed his lips, looking unconvinced. 'I kinda want to punch him.' He thought for a moment, then added, 'In the balls, preferably.'

'Well, too bad,' Dean replied. 'I got use for 'em now.'

Castiel snorted, and Sam tried to fight his smile, but when Dean waggled his eyebrows, he broke and started laughing. 'Thanks for that disgusting mental image, bitch. As for you,' he turned to Castiel, 'if you hurt him again-'

'You'll perform genital mutilation on me in a variety of creative ways,' Castiel finished for him.

Sam nodded solemnly. 'Exactly. Dean, have you seen my blue jacket? Jess and I are going somewhere fancy tonight, and I couldn't find it.'

'Yeah, it's in the hall closet in the dry-cleaning bag.'

'Oh yeah, thanks!' He ran up to get it, then headed straight for the door. 'I'll be back tomorrow. Don't make me regret not punching you,' he threatened, pointing at Castiel.

Dean rolled his eyes and shoved his brother to the door. 'Get outta here, Sammy. Me and Cas have a lot of catching up to do.'

THE END