Chapter Text
Forgive me for the things I did
And give me something to believe in
Poison - Something to Believe In
I SAT BACK against the side of the wagon and looked up at the stars in the dark Austrian sky. I closed my eyes and thought of my sire, the man who was closer to me than my own father, the man who had been my only father I’d known for the first five years of my remembered existence. Antonio Moreno had found me on the streets of Las Vegas and taken me in. He had treated me as if I was his own progeny, taught me everything I needed to know about surviving as a Kindred.
Sire? I called to him in my mind.
Yes my childe? Antonio sounded surprised, almost shocked.
You seem surprised to hear from me, I replied calmly.
Well, it is always a good thing to hear from you, although lately the occasions have been few and far between, he reminded me.
Antonio, king of the guilt trips.
He read my thoughts, a byproduct of the mental link. Well, he replied, fathers must do that to some extent.
Even though he wasn’t my father, Antonio was closer to me than my own father was, much closer. He was my friend, my mentor, my sire. At least it wasn’t as long this time, I told him with a smile he could sense but not see. It’s only been a few days.
This is true.
We just returned from… another world is all I can call it, I told him.
What do you mean my childe? he asked.
We followed Lena Stockton into an alternate universe called Ramadan and it was quite different than ours, I explained.
You actually went there? His words nearly reverberated with shock.
Yes, have you heard of this place? He’d never spoken to me of it, but then again it wasn’t as if I had talked to him that much in the last two years.
I’ve heard of it, he replied, but I’ve never heard of anyone going there.
Well, all of us did, I told him. Cormac Brennan, Nina Rodriguez, Jason Kline and me. I waited for some kind of reaction to Jason’s name.
And how did everything go? he asked smoothly.
I decided it was best to leave the issue of Jason alone for the time being. We brought Lena back.
That is not what I was speaking of, my child, he said wryly.
I struggled to keep my mind blank, knowing that Antonio had always been able to read more than what I wanted him to. What do you want me to say?
The truth.
The problem was that I didn’t know myself what the truth was. Jason’s behavior had confused me from the moment I’d seen him get out of the carriage at Lena’s Holding.
Things did not turn out as you had hoped? Antonio asked softly, kindness and compassion wrapped around the words. Antonio knew how much I truly loved Jason.
I don’t know what I hoped for— I stopped, knowing I lied. No, I know what I hoped for and I didn’t get it. I don’t know that I ever will, but at least we had an opportunity to talk.
That is the first step, he reminded me.
I sighed, remembering how Jason had disappeared without a word when we’d returned to the Holding. In this case it may be the last.
Have faith, Antonio told me.
Faith. I shook my head. I’ve never been one for faith, sire, as you well know.
Ah, he replied, but there is a time a place for everything.
I decided to change the subject. Lena is a mother. I knew I would have to come back for the christening, and I hoped that Elvira would give me leave to do so.
Oh, how wonderful, he said. I was rather surprised at his enthusiasm, Antonio was not known for his great regard of mortals.
Actually it was quite surprising to everyone except Lena. Mikael seemed rather happy about it though, I told him. I did tell you that the four of us went over, I should also tell you that seven of us came back. I didn’t count the baby.
Childe?
Cormac has discovered a nephew, I explained. Stephen Brennan.
Yes, Antonio murmured. I believe I have heard of this.
He had heard of this? Have you talked to them?
The only reply I received was an expectant silence that told me he had in fact spoken with at least one of the three Kindred I had left behind at the Holding, probably Nina or Cormac. I really didn’t think Jason would have called him.
Then you will know that Stephen joined us in Ramadan, I continued. He met up with a friend of his that had gotten over there somehow. Her name is Shannon, and she had no memory of how she had traveled to that world. She also has the… gift that Stephen has. Stephen was a werewolf, and so was Shannon.
I felt tired and drained from the events of the last few days. I longed to climb in the box and sleep, but dawn was still a long way off.
Childe, Antonio prompted after a moment, his words full of amusement, I know that you suffer from amnesia, but I did not realize that it affected your math skills.
I knew that he’d sensed there had been someone beside the baby that I hadn’t mentioned. There was another that we brought back with us, I admitted, glancing up at the man driving the wagon. Frasier O’Connell.
And is he from this world as well? Antonio asked.
Actually, no, I replied hesitantly, unsure of his reaction to my new… friend. He’s from the other world, but he was looking for a change, so I—he was quite helpful in finding Lena, so—
So you decided to play God and give him new adventures?
I smiled inwardly. Well, he did beg quite prettily. He had.
Childe, I sense that you want to tell me something, he told me, his Spanish accent dragging through my mind.
Well, I have begun the ghouling process with this gentleman, I admitted.
Have you any idea the responsibility it takes? he asked slowly.
His tone made me wary. I have an idea.
Antonio’s reply was garbled but the meaning was clear. Damn kids and their toys.
I tried not to take offense at his words. When you’re over five hundred years old, you tend to look at everyone under a hundred as a kid. You will remember, sire, that I’m a little older than Brenda, and that neither one of us are children.
The both of you do not have to keep reminding me of that fact, he said, sounding disgruntled.
I tried not to laugh out loud. I take it you’ve talked to Brenda lately. Brenda Thompson was Antonio’s true childe, and we considered ourselves sisters, although we had been of no relation as mortals.
Antonio was also trying not to laugh. What makes you think that my childe?
I understand she’s also taken a ghoul, I told him.
Yes she has, he replied. He’s quite an interesting young man.
You’ve met him? That was a surprise, from what I understood he’d only been bound to her a few weeks.
Yes, he responded, when she came out here.
I was confused. When did she come out there?
To inform Graves of Lena’s disappearance, of course, he answered.
I gave a mental shrug. I figured she’d just call him. That was what I’d asked her to do when I found out Lena was missing.
I believe she took the opportunity to visit her sire, Antonio murmured meaningfully, a common courtesy that happens from time to time.
I winced, knowing that although I had lived a lot closer to Antonio than Brenda, I hadn’t visited him in the last two years. Graves had only been one reason for my absence. Don’t expect me to come to LA, I sent back to him firmly.
No, not any time soon, he agreed the accent again strong in his words. It is too close to Las Vegas.
It’s a little too close to Graves, I replied before I remembered why I was supposed to stay away from Las Vegas. “Ooh,” I said both mentally and aloud. I covered my eyes and hoped that Antonio would not pursue the subject of my Gangrel ex-lover.
Childe, Antonio said meaningfully, I sense there is something you want to tell me.
Not really, I told him, wincing. I didn’t want to explain that I had been partially blood bonded to Luke Thomas and had never told anyone in the Tremere clan. I definitely didn’t want to tell Antonio that Luke was fully bonded to me.
“Christina?” I heard Frasier say in his deep honeyed voice.
“Yeah?” I glanced up to see him looking down at me.
“Are you all right?” His brown hair fell over his forehead and his eyes glittered in the starlight.
“Yeah,” I told him. “You just hit a bump.”
“I’m sorry, I’ll be more careful.”
I smiled. “That’s okay, I’m tough. I can take it.”
He reached back and touched my hair. I laid my hand on his arm, thankful for the reassurance of his presence.
“I’m fine,” I repeated. “Just watch the bumps.”
I heard a mental clearing of Antonio’s throat and looked away from Frasier to return my attention to my sire.
Sorry, I told him. I was talking to Frasier.
Yes, I saw that, he said softly. Indeed. At least my daughters have an excellent eye when it comes to choosing a male companion. However, tell me childe, how did it fare with Jason?
Jason. I was grateful for the change of topic, but I wished that Antonio had chosen a different one. I really didn’t know what to tell him. I don’t know.
You didn’t see him?
I saw him, I replied slowly. I had lived through him walking out on me once again. I talked to him. I don’t know how it went. I sighed and laid my head back against the wagon’s side. I don’t know what he’ll do, I left him a note and…. I don’t know what he’ll do. I didn’t really have time to wait for him.
Things will work out in the end, Antonio assured me.
I closed my eyes, unable to bring myself to believe his words. I don’t know if the hold that Graves has over him is greater than what he feels for me. If it is, then I can’t live with that. Jason had been Graves’ ghoul before Malcolm had abducted him; he had been blood bound to Graves for ten years. His embrace had broken the blood bond to Graves and changed Jason’s life forever. To say that my life had changed as well was an understatement.
I understand, Antonio told me kindly. Wait and see how the cards are played.
I will do my best, I replied, remembering the course feel of Jason’s fingers as he’d held my hand.
I have a feeling that there may be a card yet to play, Antonio told me cryptically.
What do you mean? I asked.
There is always an act of divinity that could change things, he replied.
I shook my head. I can’t see what would change this.
Have faith, childe, he repeated.
Jason was the one with faith, I reminded him, mourning for Jason’s lost humanity, and for his faith in God that hadn’t survived his embrace. I’ve never had it, that was never me.
And now he doesn’t either, Antonio commented quietly.
So I guess neither of us have faith, do we? Although my real father was a priest, I still had no idea what my level of involvement with the church had been. I had been thinking about it a great deal, but I knew I would never be able to redeem myself in God’s eyes. After all, I’m demon, aren’t I? A vampire that required blood to survive, fallen like Caine from God’s grace.
You must have faith in something, he told me. Then, thankfully, he changed the subject. So you will be going to Salem posthaste?
I am currently on my way. I had taken a big risk going to Austria to help Lena. Elvira Van Dorn, the Kindred prince of Salem, had given me a week to get to her city. As she was of the Tremere clan and much higher in it’s hierarchy than I, of course I had to obey her. I was thankful that I could still make it to Salem within the time frame she had allowed.
I remembered my other travelling companion. I met an interesting person in Paris, I said carefully. He is a friend of Graves, actually, but he’s also…. Well, his name is Robert Strong.
When Antonio didn’t answer, I realized that Robert having the same last name as me didn’t mean anything to him. He’s my brother, I explained.
How wonderful, Antonio replied, happy for me but a little confused. I was not aware that you had a brother.
Neither was I, I told him wryly, but Graves may have been.
Hmm. Maybe he did not make the connection, Antonio said. Graves knows many people.
I found it very hard to believe that Graves could be close friends with Robert, send Jason to save my life because someone involved with my father wanted me dead, and not know that Robert was my brother.
Childe, Antonio warned, you don’t always have all the answers. Don’t be so quick to judge or assume things.
I didn’t answer, mostly because I believed that Graves was not the man most people thought him to be. I got the impression from Antonio that he believed Graves was a better man than I supposed him to be.
Apparently Graves is not a subject we are going to agree on, I observed. Perhaps we should avoid it altogether.
I don’t try to justify his actions to you, Antonio replied, but patience and understanding are—
Not something I’ll ever have toward Graves, I thought to myself.
—virtues that you need to develop all round, Antonio continued over my objection. Tolerance is another.
Not something I’m going to have for Graves, sire, I repeated. I tried to be as respectful as possible in my objection, but I really didn’t like Graves.
I heard Antonio’s mental sigh. If you wish to live as long as I have, you must realize that these things are important.
I’ll be fine as long as I stay out of LA, I thought firmly.
Yes, he agreed, perhaps that would be best.
Oh, definitely, at this point.
The main thing is that you stay away from Las Vegas. Hmm, tolerance, Antonio repeated, it is a good thing.
I got a mental picture of Luke from Antonio and had to agree. In some cases. Have you had any news from Las Vegas? I couldn’t stop myself from asking.
No I have not, Antonio replied carefully. Do you wish me to speak to Idella?
No, no, that’s okay, I assured him quickly. The Tremere primogen of Vegas was mad enough at me already. I knew it would be better if I had no contact with Luke, to the point of not knowing what he was doing or even how he was. I hoped that he wouldn’t come looking for me.
That does not give you leave to call her, either, Antonio warned. Or anyone else. I heard the subtle threat in his words and knew that if I was unable to break the blood bond on my own, Antonio would break it for me the only way he could; he would send Luke to his final death.
I understand that. Not that it would do me much good if I did, I thought more to myself than to him, the phone’s been disconnected.
Oh, how unfortunate. His tone told me that he thought it was best. Have you called your sister yet?
No, I told him. I thought I would call you first, in a manner of speaking.
I am glad to know how important I am to you, he replied with a smile in his words.
Well, for a time I had my priorities skewed, I admitted, but I’m trying to set them straight.
That is good. I sensed from him the need to return to his work. Call your sister, and call me when you are settled.
I will.
And have her teach you the little mind thing so you can contact her without a telephone.
I will tell her you said so, sire, I replied.
I felt him leave my mind and sighed, happy that I was talking to my sire again. The last two years seemed like a nightmare that I had been trapped in and I knew that a return to family and clan was best. I felt more secure at that moment than I had felt even in Luke’s arms. I had to admit it was a good feeling.