Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

PART 1: LOST

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Five Months Earlier

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The entire point of cycling night watch shifts was to ensure no one person was too sleep deprived. Hyungwon had come up with the schedule himself, he would know.

But he failed to consider the nights he had to stay up anyways. Reconnaissance would scour the field and identify current enemy movement and positions, then their analysts would plot it out. Then it was left to Hyungwon to make sense of it, comparing what he knew of the enemy’s habits and methods and trying to predict what would happen next. 

Depending on when the information eventually made it to him and how urgent their strategy needed to be, sometimes Hyungwon was left up late into the night, squinting against the light of a dying lantern, and not getting any sleep.

A fucking crime really.

He had made the dire mistake of staying up all night to predict their next move a day before his shift on night watch. 

And now he was suffering.

Yawning wide enough that he swore his jaw clicked a bit, he fumbled blindly for the cup of muddy coffee at his side. The grid had been down for well over a year at that point, but Minhyuk had managed to find a coffee press not long into the blackout. It was nothing like the satisfyingly bitter flavor of an iced Americano but the grainy mud was a blessing on nights like this. He forced down a consecutive yawn and brought the old mug to his lips, blindly avoiding the chipped parts that would cut if he wasn’t careful. 

When he tipped it back, he was graced with a single, cold dribble of gritty coffee. 

That wasn’t right. He just made that cup of coffee. It had been more than half-full when he last reached for it -- what? Ten minutes ago?

However, the cup he was looking at was empty. The film from the coffee that had filled it still stuck to the sides of a cup that wasn’t even his.

“Hyung.” He let his shoulders sag, looking over at Hyunwoo. Sure enough, the bastard was sipping from a near-full cup of coffee. They were alone on top of the watch point -- which was really just the roof of the building the X-Clan had taken as a temporary base -- his long legs dangling over the outside edge while Hyunwoo faced the opposite direction. He looked over at Hyungwon over the rim of the stolen mug, eyebrows raised in false innocence. “Why are you like this?” Hyungwon griped.

“Like what?” Another sip. 

Scowling, Hyungwon cursed. “You want to fucking die?”

The bastard had the audacity to act scandalized. “Is that any way to speak to your leader?”

“We’re in anarchy, hyung. And we lead this anarchist movement,” he reminded him, ignoring his own contradiction. “You’re as much my leader as I am yours.”

“Then you should respect me as your elder,” Hyunwoo said pointedly, spreading his arms and brandishing the coffee as though it was obvious.

“Anarchy, hyung. This is anarchy.” Hyungwon glared at the mug. “Now give me back my coffee or I’ll throw your pillow in the mud.” He’d done it before.

Hyunwoo took another long sip of the coffee, making sure to slurp as loud as he could. Hyungwon was about to spit another threat involving his underwear and Hoseok’s shoes when Hyunwoo promptly choked on the coffee grit. Laughing a loud snort, Hyungwon watched him struggle. Exhaustion hit him hard as the laughs went silent and he tipped over onto the edge of the roof where they sat, struggling to breathe through hysterics.

When Hyunwoo caught his breath, he chucked an empty can of beans at Hyungwon’s back where he was rolling. “Come on, it’s not that funny.”

Hyungwon shook his head, gasping for breath and ignoring the can rolling away from him to fall off the ledge. “I’m fucking tired,” he wheezed, “ God ,  I haven’t slept in two days. And you looked so stupid. Oh my god.”

“Wait,” Hyunwoo held up a hand, not waiting for Hyungwon to catch his breath and tone lowering into what the others had deemed his ‘leader voice.’ It was the one he used when he needed them to take him seriously -- it rarely ever worked. “Two days? Hyungwon, you make the watch schedules, why would you do that?”

Letting his arms flop to the concrete edge, feet still dangling so he was twisted awkwardly, he sighed heavily. “Because I stayed up looking at maps last night and forgot I was on tonight,” he whined. “I’m so tired.”

“Yeah I got that.” Hyunwoo grunted. He glanced up towards the sky. They had all gotten good at telling time by how the sky looked. The grid being down and the Milky Way’s entire glory being perfectly visible at night helped make it easier than they thought. Even still, most of them struggled with the constantly changing night sky, but Hyunwoo and Kihyun always seemed to do fine. “Still got a good four hours before dawn,” he noted. “You want to sleep now?”

Sitting up too fast and feeling his head swim, Hyungwon looked up at him. “That would be stupid,” he protested. “How are you supposed to watch the entire perimeter alone?”

“Yeah? How are you supposed to watch half the perimeter if you can’t keep your eyes open?” He challenged. 

Hyungwon muttered a curse under his breath. Normally he would be fine, but they were running low on provisions and half a can of beans for dinner and a can of peaches shared with Kihyun earlier in the day didn’t make for any energy to spare. “Maybe I should pace around,” he suggested, “Actually patrol or something.”

“Nope, on this I’m actually going to play the age card,” Hyunwoo told him. “You’re getting rest. We don’t have enough food for you to be missing so much sleep.”

As much as Hyungwon wanted to argue, he knew he was right. “Fine,” he relented, feeling guilty that he was so relieved. “If you need help, just kick me until I wake up.” He scooted backwards until he could swing his legs around to the flat of the roof. It was dirty, but they managed to clean up the soot and dust that covered this part of the city after camping out there for so long. With his legs, it was barely a drop, but he still stumbled when the hunger hit him.

“Fuck.” He pushed the center of his forehead, willing the hunger migraine to go away. If the war wasn’t going to end any time soon, they really needed to get their hands on more food. He’d bring it up tomorrow about the pros and cons of taking a risk for an uncharted scouting mission. At this point anything would be better than watching their food stores dwindle and their bodies wither. 

“And you really thought you’d be of any use.”

“Shut up, Hyung.”

--- 

Present 

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The muddied noise in his head slowly came into focus, like surfacing in a pool to hear the sound of music. Except instead of that clear burst of breaking through the surface of water, it felt more like slowly pulling his brain through a pinhole while trying to ignore the ensuing migraine, and all the noise slowly forming normal sounds that can be parsed through, but it’s all too loud. 

Someone was knocking on the front door. The incessant knocking not as loud as Hyungwon initially thought while he was struggling to climb out of his own mind. Everything looked dull. 

The flower in his hand looked wilted. The spot where his fingers had been twirling looked abused. The leaves broken. The stem creased. That was odd, it was fine a moment ago. 

More knocking. He blinked, lifting his head and cringing when the sun hit his eyes at an angle he wasn’t expecting. That was odd, too. It had just been sunrise, his father had kicked him awake before leaving for the day, warning him like he did everyday not to get into trouble and embarrass him. Or he’d execute all his rebel friends like he could have when they lost the war. The same threats he’d been dishing out for the two months since they were captured. 

They’d been “pardoned” for the sake of Hyungwon, the Warden's son, being returned alive. At least that was the story that went public. No one was allowed to know Hyungwon had been leading the squad of rebels that managed to keep the war going as long as they did. Using his insight on his own father to get the upper hand for the better part of two years. As far as the civilians and the police were concerned, he’d been held hostage. That was the only reason the rebels had been so successful. 

More knocking. Hyungwon squinted at the sky to check the time. Old habits die hard. It was after noon. 

Huh.

“Hyungwon!” A familiar voice. Minhyuk. That made Hyungwon turn to where he heard the knocking and finally registered that knocking meant he should answer. He stood up, his knees popping, after a few steps he finally felt the discomfort of having sat in the same spot under the window for over seven hours. He could have sworn he just sat down.

More knocking. He answered the door. 

And was nearly punched in the face. 

Minhyuk yelped, catching his hand at the last second from where he was about to knock. He flailed backwards into Kihyun, who shoved him back off to stumble on the threshold. 

They were all there. Smiling was hard these days, but, glad to see them, Hyungwon managed to raise his eyebrows. “Hey,” he greeted. His voice sounded distant to his own ears.

“You look like shit,” Minhyuk noticed, crossing his arms. He looked good. Most of them did since they actually had access to food on a regular basis these days. Hyungwon managed a half smile at the jab, scratching his ear. It felt like he was moving through molasses, but it was getting easier with each motion. At his smile, he saw Jooheon grin, all dimples, from where he was leaning against Hoseok’s back. They all returned it to some extent. 

He managed a whole smile. “Yeah,” he agreed, “I was supposed to take a bath but I lost track of time.” Words felt thick on his tongue. He ran it against the back of his teeth, trying to get normal sensation back into it. 

“Nasty,” Kihyun snorted. Jooheon shoved him.

“Eh, it’s whatever,” Minhyuk waved it off, stepping into the house just to herd Hyungwon outside and shut the door. “You can run around and get dusty for a bit with us, then.” 

Dust. Yeah there was still a lot of that. The government had finally managed to reset their systems towards the end and, with access to the explosives kept under digital lock and key once again, they had leveled most of the outskirts of the city. It left the remaining districts full of rubble and coated in soot even a month later. The few rebel groups left were eradicated, survivors killed for the most part. Some were offered imprisonments if they swore fealty, and a few took it. But a vast majority of them chose death. They all started the war for a reason, they wouldn’t give up their values for a life in prison.

But them. They were different. They all led the resistance the longest, starved and bled for the cause. Dragged each other out of rubble and nursed themselves back just to keep fighting. 

But against all that determination, the X-Clan took the pardon. 

Hyungwon had a bad gut feeling it was for him. Free to walk around but a prisoner to the Warden’s image. 

He let Minhyuk manhandle him out the door, didn’t bother locking it because no one in their right mind would dare to rob his family. Changkyun had his eyes focused on a hand held video game. Hyungwon frowned, he must have gotten in contact with his parents again to have access to something like that. The grid wasn’t even up for most of the city yet. He pocketed the thing when they started moving, looking up to give Hyungwon a wry smile. 

Hyungwon tried to return it as best he could. They all acted cautious around him now. They thought he wasn’t the same since he came back. He knew he wasn’t. 

“How did you manage to all get the day off?” Hyungwon asked, the thick feeling subsiding somewhat as they all made their way down the hill towards the main market road. He usually felt guilty that he wasn’t allowed to work while the rest of their broken society was left to pick up the pieces of the war. The Warden was too scared he’d let the truth slip, and he wasn’t much use these days anyways. 

“We’ve been collecting credits all week to buy a day off,” Minhyuk replied brightly.

“You mean Hyung and I,” Hoseok snorted, “You all did your normal shit, we signed up for hard labor that pays more so you could all get out a week early.”

“Look, it ain’t our fault you muscle heads qualified for the shit that pays better,” Kihyun retorted, “I’d love to be moving all day rather than serving fuckin’ soup to the pigs.”

Minhyuk hummed, throwing his arm around Kihyun’s shoulders as they staggered along. “It’s weird being stagnant after running around mountains for a couple years, yeah,” he agreed. “But I don’t think I’d trade working on the grid for shoveling rubble.” 

“Yeah, and you wouldn’t even have that much if you hadn’t managed to sweet talk Kyun’s parents,” Hyunwoo teased him. So, they had found the kids mad scientist parents then, Hyungwon noted.

Minhyuk placed a thin hand on his chest and smiled, “With charm like mine, I deserve it.”

Kihyun shoved him again and they all started bickering, laughing. 

Hyungwon watched on, feeling like his tongue couldn’t move fast enough to keep up. But the smile on his lips felt easy for once. 

The Warden’s house, his house, wasn’t that far from where their small quarter of the remaining city set up the main market. It wasn’t much of a market either, or a bazaar like some called it. Really, it was just a bunch of ramshackle stalls and tables set up for people to barter and sell whatever they could. From what he had gathered, this part of the city was where the civilians had managed to stay safe for most of the fighting. They continued on with life as best they could with the grid down, but when the fighting heated up at the end, it ruined much of what they rebuilt. 

Everyone was bitter about it. And the constant looming presence of the patrols didn’t fucking help anyone. 

The others’ energy picked up as the sound of life grew louder, jumping down sets of stairs at a time instead of walking down like Hyungwon did. His legs felt too long. Were they always that long? He was pretty sure they’d go on forever if he tried to jump. 

Hoseok slowed down to lag behind with him. Hands in the pockets of his hoodie, hair dry from all the dust but somehow still fluffy. He face looked fluffy too. The good kind of filled out like he was eating the way he used to. He shook it out of his eyes to look up at Hyungwon. “You all right?” he tried.

“Hm?” Hyungwon blinked until his eyes could focus properly, everything still looked dull. Hoseok’s brow furrowed and he wondered if he looked as disoriented as he felt. “Yeah, just. Tired.”

“Are you eating well these days?” Hoseok asked, his tone lowering when he noticed Hyungwons delayed flinch. He nodded. “Sleeping well?” 

Did he sleep? Sometimes it felt like he laid there staring at the wall only to blink and suddenly his father’s boot was in his waist. He hadn’t checked in a few days, but he was fairly sure there were bruises there. His rib may have been displaced last week but he just couldn’t remember. “Yeah I’m sleeping,” he confirmed anyways. 

Hoseok had this look on his face, one side of his lips tightening as he scrutinized Hyungwon’s words. He didn’t believe him. Hyungwon thought he wouldn’t believe himself either these days. 

“Kihyun, didn’t you say they’re selling roasted sweet potatoes on the North end?” He called out, Hyungwon felt a migraine build. 

Turning back from where he was all but leading them down to the main road, Kihyun’s face lit up. “We were just talking about getting some! Hyunwoo needed to look at new shoes so we’re splitting up when we get down there.”

“New shoes?” Hoseok called back, then to Hyunwoo, “The old ones finally kick the dust?” Hyungwon watched in amusement as he struggled to get that out past laughing at his own joke. It did make Hyunwoo laugh in that low, dopey way he did when he wasn’t sure if they were insulting him. “We’ve had to replace three shoes in the last month,” he explained to Hyungwon, “Turns out nothing from before was designed for rebuilding a city.” 

That made sense, but he’s not sure if he said as much before suddenly they were at the main road and splitting into two groups. Jooheon and Hyunwoo would make their way to the shoe stall while the others would go help with buying sweet potatoes. He wasn’t sure when it was decided -- if it was decided -- but he ended up following the two towards the South end. 

Even amidst the dreary post-war city, the piles of soot and rubble still accumulated in corners of the road and under the bridges, the drab lack of fashion because only durable materials were worth investing in. The stark lack of electricity and the comfort of technology that came with it, despite it all, the people on the mainroad weren’t as dismal as Hyungwon originally expected. There was a gloominess hanging over everyone’s head, sure. But the amount of people out, shouting their wares and selling small luxuries as well as necessities, trying to keep making it work in their collapsed society, was more than he had expected to have any life left in them. 

Hyunwoo was talking to the shoe salesman. Most were refurbished and older styles, work boots and gentlemen's walking shoes. Scuffs on the soles and mismatched laces but the tips shone from being buffed for appearance. While Hyunwoo discussed prices, Jooheon was observing one pair of boots, checking for the quality. He always seemed to have an uncanny knowledge of… well, everything. 

He leaned over, whispering something to Hyunwoo with a slight nod. The salesman looked satisfied too. 

Hyungwon noticed at that moment, he had never put the flower down. 

He was fixating, he knew he was. But knowing didn’t count for much when he had no willpower to stop it. To make himself move. To shift his eyes a little to the left to break the trance.

There was a ringing in his ears and all the noise around him, from Hyunwoo laughing with the salesman, it all droned out, muddying into a sensory blur as the migraine ripped through him. Blood roaring in his ears. He couldn’t feel his fingers. 

Someone grabbed his arm, ripping him bodily out of it. He stumbled, blinking rapidly, there was shouting. Hyunwoo had grabbed his arm. 

The patrols had shown. But he wasn’t sure what had happened to bring their attention in the first place. The salesman looked defeated, even as he was shouting, words of defense. He had a family to feed, he was an honest businessman, if someone complained about quality then it couldn’t be helped, there was only so much left. 

Hyunwoo and Jooheon were getting aggressive, he could see it, he could see the challenge in their eyes against the small group of patrols so clearly used to the comfort of never being on the front lines. It was strikingly obvious when those types came around. Even in all his disoriented exhaustion, Hyungwon could tell by the way their boots shone against the dusty roads. They had enough time to keep them buffed. 

They had no idea who they were. That Hyunwoo was the leader of the rebellion. The rebellion, the only one that really mattered in the end. 

Something about that made him feel a strike of boldness, even if his feet wouldn’t move. He could see that the other two felt it too if their behavior was anything to go by. 

They had put themselves between the shoe stall and the patrolmen’s guns. Hyunwoo’s fingers in the shape of a pistol aimed at their faces. 

Jooheon was getting loud, grabbing the barrels of their rifles and shoving them away. He wrapped a fist around one barrel in particular, holding it to his own forehead, taunting them. The patrolmen, all too soft against their war-hardened malice, looking decidedly less sure of themselves with the idea of actually blowing someone’s brains all over the main road. 

Watching them, Hyungwon couldn’t help but notice, delayed as it was, that just a couple months ago, he would have been joining them. Hell, he’d have been the most obnoxious one there. But now, now he couldn’t get past the roaring of blood in his ears, the migraine, the feeling of dust on his skin and the way his hair fell across his forehead. It was a lot. It was a lot to process amidst the yelling, the taunting, the guns, the soot, the guilt that he was just standing back. Legs frozen. Tongue thick in his mouth. Fingers numb. The only thing that stood out in stark focus was the waxy feeling of the stem in his fingers, worn but alive. 

Then there was more yelling. The others had comeback. Minhyuk and Kihyun in particular, getting into the fray, shoving their way between the patrolmen and their friends when it became all to obvious no bullets would be fired. To the side he saw Hoseok and Changkyun, looking confused as they were both laden with roasted sweet potatoes. 

Minhyuk pushed passed him, jostling his shoulder, and in turn snapping him out of another moment of fixation he hadn’t even realized he had fallen into. That boldness he had felt was still there. His legs moved before he told them to. Energy flooding him in the all too familiar rush of adrenaline. 

His tongue still felt too thick to join in the same verbal jeers the others had involved themselves with. But he moved anyways. Twirling the flower between his fingers. One guard in particular, stood in the middle, stoic in the chaos, but so clearly putting up a front. 

Hyungwon bounded up to him, got into his space, just to pull his breast pocket out and drop the flower inside. Sighing like a burden was off his shoulders. And even if it wasn’t much, the look of vacancy that crossed the patrolman’s face as he looked back at him. It was enough for him to feel like he’d done something. To feel a little more like himself. Even if he still couldn’t hear past the ringing, the blood roaring, the numbness. He could feel his heart beating, and that was more than he could have said since the war ended. 

--

Chapter Text

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Twenty-two months previous -- three months into the war…

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The door to their base’s makeshift rec room busted open, slamming hard against the wall behind it, startling everyone in the room. A good dozen guns drawn and pointed at the person standing in the doorway, out of breath and heaving. Some of the nameless faces shoving their way to the front to try and get between their target and unarmed leaders.

Hyungwon, with his height allowing him to easily see over the heads of the grunts, got a good look at the intruder, furrowing his brow in shock and distress. 

He was dirty to say the least, covered in mud, a thick layer of grease clinging to his hair, and the grime of soot smudged across skin that looked so painfully red there was a shine to his joints. His clothes were in tatters, cuts and slashes visible where the unprotected fabric had been torn. The only thing protecting him from the cold was a soiled lab coat that had been shrugged over his shoulders rather than with his arms through the sleeves. Overall, the kid who had stumbled in was a distressingly pitiful sight made all the more alarming by his familiarity. 

“Changkyun?” 

Said boy stumbled into the room, disregarding the ragtag soldiers and their guns. Tripping over his feet he collapsed into the arms of Jooheon, who had scrambled to get to him when he saw the kid was about to fall on his face. He had shoved past Minhyuk, who did a double take, squawking when he saw him. Hyunwoo sounding an easy order to stand down.

“Jooheon? When did you --.”

“What are you doing here?!” Kihyun rushed towards Changkyun, anger evident in his voice, “You’re supposed to be with your parents.”  

Hyungwon fumed, “What happened to staying the fuck out of danger , you said--.”

“You told us you’d stay with your parents, we trusted you to stay safe!” Kihyun interrupted Hyungwon’s worried tirade, fist to palm, punctuating more than the sentence needed. 

“But guys when did Jooheon---,” Minhyuk tried to intercede unsuccessfully. 

“Changkyun, how did you even know where we were?” Hyunwoo’s soft voice broke through the chaos. Minhyuk’s muttering about being ignored going, well, ignored. 

The screaming died down with his question. All eyes turning to Changkyun who had not said a word or moved since he’d been caught. His eyes, huge and glassy, stared unfocused on a single spot on the floor in front of him. Jooheon, who was rubbing his black-tipped fingers between his palms, seemed to be the only thing keeping him upright. 

“Oh shit, Jooheon when did you get here?” Hyungwon called out after noticing Jooheon urgently trying to warm Changkyun. Minhyuk’s muttering got angrier as everyone acknowledged  Hyungwon’s words.

“Not now, bean boy. Get the kid a blanket, or some tea or some shit he’s freezing,” Jooheon finally spoke, squatting down to cradle Changkyun on the hardwood. 

“‘Bean Boy?!’” Hyungwon gawked down at them, “What kind of insult is that? I swear I'm going to–”
“Relax Hyungwon, let’s just get what he asked for,” Hoseok interrupted his threat with a placating hand on his back before a fight started.

Grumbling, Hyungwon walked away with Hoseok and Minhyuk, who was also still cursing under his breath. Hoseok patted him on the back, too.  Kihyun sat down next to Jooheon and placed a warm hand on Changkyun’s back. 

“God, what the hell happened to him?” Kihyun started before noticing some of the wounds were still bleeding, “Hyunwoo, can you find a first aid kit or something?”  Hyunwoo grunted in response, following after the others. 

“I think he's in shock,” Jooheon diagnosed, placing Changkyun’s now normally colored fingers in his lap. They immediately snagged onto his coat, curling around the hem. 

Hoseok entered the room then with a stack of blankets and Minhyuk with a cup of steaming tea. He handed the cup to Kihyun while the former dropped each blanket over Changkyun’s shivering form. Hyungwon came in after, a change of clothes in hand.

“Dude, what the fuck, put him on the couch. We don’t have fucking heating, why is he on the cold ass floor?” Hyungwon ranted some more, waving around the black sweater like it personally offended him. 

Before anyone could say anything, Changkyun heaved and promptly wretched bile extremely close to Hyungwon’s shoe. His body swayed violently from the action, fingers tightening in Jooheon’s jacket. 

“This is why I didn’t move him,” Jooheon retorted trying to catch Changkyun’s gaze, his eyes still dazed and far off, “Yep, still in shock. Help me get him up.”

Hyunwoo entered the room again to four screaming guys attempting to carry a dangerously unsteady Changkyun to the closest couch. He dropped the first aid kit -- that was really just a duffel bag full of any piece off medical supply they could get their hands on -- and ran over to prevent any further injury. 

Three hours, some amateur medical treatment, six soiled wash cloths, and a reheated cup of tea later, Changkyun was sitting up on his own, granted, he leaned heavily on Jooheon’s shoulder to pull it off. The steaming cup of tea in his hand remained full, but nonetheless, it brought back a healthy color to his pale fingers. 

“Changkyun,” Hyunwoo starts, voice soft, squatting down in front of him, “how did you find us?”, They watched his eyes dart around the room, taking everything in.

Changkyun was silent, but pressed himself into Jooheons side a little more as he, finally, focused on Hyunwoo. After a moment of no response, “Changkyun? Can you…” He looked at the others, so clearly out of his depth with this. Jooheon, the only person who might have any idea, simply shrugged the shoulder not supporting the kid. “Can you hear me?”

It took another long moment and Changkyun blinking rapidly -- his pupils still not down from their massively dilated state -- before lucidity seemed to pass across his gaze and he nodded, stilted but still bordering on frantic. 

Hyunwoo sighed in relief. Changkyun could understand them, but responding was the problem. “Okay... did you run when the grid fell?”

Changkyun looked around the room again, eyes settling on Hyungwon, he nodded again just as jittery. The latter frowned, sympathy written on his face.

“But, why did you leave?” Minhyuk asked 

Changkyun looked away from Hyungwon to meet Minhyuk’s eyes. For a moment there was a silent staring battle between the two before Changkyun glanced away, remaining silent.

“Let’s agree to yes or no questions only, yeah?” Jooheon tried. Changkyun seemed to relax. 

“The grid fell almost two weeks ago,” Hoseok sounded from where he was sitting on the other couch across from Jooheon and Changkyun, “Have you been running since then?”

Changkyun once again nodded, this time his eyes closed, shifting against Jooheon, who brought his arm around his shoulders. His wide palm chafed against the kid’s opposite arm over the blanket, willing some warmth into him.

“Do your parents know you left?” Kihyun asked, taking a seat next to Hoseok.  His voice was a lot more gentle after calming down from the shock.

Changkyun shook his head just as he put all his body weight onto Jooheon, eyes still closed.

“Are they okay? Did something happen to them?” Hoseok asked 

He gave another negative, his movements just as frantic albeit a bit more sluggish. He opened his eyes slightly to hand his untouched tea to Jooheon, before closing them once again.

Hyunwoo watched the interaction before leaning towards Changkyun, taking in the kids beaten up body. “Changkyun, your parents didn’t...” Hyunwoo looks at Kihyun briefly, looking a bit uncomfortable and skeptical, “They weren’t hurting you right?”

The silence in the room was almost tangible, everyone froze as they looked at Changkyun. Holding their breath they watched as Changkyun’s brow furrowed at the question. They had left Changkyun with his parents because they thought he would be safer there than in the middle of this war. Kihyun grabbed onto Hoseok’s wrist tightly, as he waited for him to answer. Although they didn’t stand on the same side, they had trusted Changkyun’s parents to keep him safe. The bruises and scratches had to be from his journey here and not because of the only people they trusted him to, right?

Changkyun answered no, eyebrows still furrowed. With a single shake of his head the room lost all its tension. A collective sigh of relief was released. 

“Did your parents send you to us?”

Changkyun shook his head again, shifting his body into Jooheon.  Exhaustion evident in how he leaned all his weight into it the movement, turning his head to get comfortable on the other’s shoulder.   

“Did something happen that caused you to run?” Kihyun asked leaning towards Changkyun. “Did you see something?”

Changkyun was visibly unsettled, his eyes popped open and he tensed. It was like all the exhaustion that was covering him moments ago was gone. Changkyun shrunk back as if he was trying to morph into the couch.  Although he did not give a yes or no, his body language showed that he saw more than he was suppose too. Now they just had to figure out what.

---

Present

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“Tell me honestly, did you really need to get seven sweet potatoes?” Kihyun said around a mouth full. 

“Of course I did.” Hoseok side-eyed Kihyun, frowning as he attempted to unwrap a sweet potato while balancing the other six.  

Kihyun reached over to grab a yam from Hoseok’s pile only to have him yank his arms away. A few threatened to spill and he fumbled to keep them all together, shoving the freshly opened one in his mouth to free up his hands. Scowling Kihyun reached for a potato again, Hoseok quickly moving away again so Minhyuk was in between them. Changkyun squinted at them, wondering how he was doing that with steaming hot food in his mouth.

“Are you seriously not even going to share, you’re so greedy.” Kihyun scowls.

Minhyuk reached over his shoulder to pluck the still hot potato out of Hoseok’s mouth. He immediately started sputtering to cool off his probably charred tongue.

“You have four in your hands right now! Leave my potates alone!” Hoseok whined around a swollen tongue.

“Okay well you can still share! Is your ass not big enough? Are you trying to break a record?”

“What?!” Hoseok twists around to look behind him. "My ass is glorious, thank you." "Funny, I remember you knocking Minhyuk's tea off the table with that thing when you saw a spider." Kihyun rolled his eyes. "I was scared!" he insisted and attempted to lunge at Kihyun only to be stopped by Minhyuk’s shoulder.

“Hey leave him alone. He’s a hungry boy, let him eat in peace.” Minhyuk said to Kihyun, running a placating hand down Hoseok’s back. "Beside's his ass is great, a few sweet potatoes won't hurt." He punctuates his words with a pat on Hoseok's butt.

Changkyun looked onto the scene quietly while he eats, carefully holding the three yams he had gotten for Jooheon as well as his own. They had just done perusing of the different market stalls before picking up the sweet potatoes for the others who were shopping for shoes. 

They turned around the corner to where the shoe stall was supposed to be, expecting to see their friends bartering for shoes at most but were greeted by a bunch of hard feelings let loose into chaos.

Changkyun’s eyes traveled across the scene, watching as Hyunwoo got in a patrolman's face, fingers shaped like a gun. There was a smirk on his face that quickly fell when the patrol man said something to him under his breath. Hyunwoo stance was stiff, he looked like he was clearly moments from throwing a punch, something Changkyun was not used to see from the usually mild mannered man. 

Changkyun vaguely registered shouting that sounded like Kihyun and a moment later more sweet potatoes were shoved into his hands. He turned to the others and saw Minhyuk moving quickly towards the stall, Kihyun right on his heels, and Hoseok balancing even more foils in his arms. 

Following their advance, Changkyun’s eyes found Jooheon and his mouth drops open, the sweet potato he was eating tumbling to the ground. Standing right in his view was Jooheon grabbing the barrel of the patrols gun and pointing it to his forehead. The smirk on his face all but daring the patrolman to pull the trigger. 

Changkyun swallowed hard, mouth suddenly dry. He had heard the stories of Jooheon on the battlefields, playing with the concept of death before. But there was a difference seeing it happen in front of him. Jooheon cheeks dimpling with the smile on his face seemed almost too eerie for the situation at hand.

Watching someone flirt with the barrel of a gun as if death was something that was not final, was not something Changkyun thought he’d ever find attractive in his life. However, watching Jooheon do it was breathtaking, beautiful in a morbid way that Changkyun did not want to think about.  

Changkyun was stood still watching it all play out, his heart beating faster for reasons he’d rather not acknowledge, until Minhyuk pushed past Hyungwon to rip Jooheon bodily away from the barrel of the gun. 

He saw movement from the corner after that, and turned to watch Hyungwon bounding down the path with a flower in his hand -- a blue flower, which had Changkyun baffled -- before he placed it in the pocket of the patrol’s shirt, a small smile on his face. The first real smile Changkyun has seen on Hyungwon’s face in a while.

“Hyunwoo come on!” Minhyuk shouted, and Changkyun’s head snapped to see him grabbing Hyunwoo around the middle. “Hyung, come on, lets go!”

Minhyuk tugged hard on him but he wouldn’t budge, face set hard with emotion. 

“Hyunwoo, let’s go,” Kihyun calls from where he’s standing close to Minhyuk and Hyunwoo with a hand on Jooheon’s chest trying to shut him up. 

“Yea, run along. Listen to the cripple.” The patrol spits out in Hyunwoo’s face. 

There is a growled curse and suddenly Kihyun was lunging at the patrolman. Minhyuk made a surprised noise as he lets go of Hyunwoo to grab Kihyun before he can kick him in the stomach, catching him by the back of his shirt. The second Minhyuk's arms released Hyunwoo, he lunged in the direction of  the patrol. Jooheon must notice the moment and takes off, pushing Kihyun into Minhyuk, and tackling Hyunwoo into the dirt before he could land a hit on the guard.  

Changkyun looked upon the scene with wide eyes, Hyunwoo fighting against Jooheon. Minhyuk has Kihyun around the middle keeping him from escaping. Hearing a tired sigh Changkyun suddenly has another seven sweet potatoes dumped into his arms. Struggling to hold all these potatoes he sees Hoseok walk to where Jooheon is struggling and shoves him off before he pulls Hyunwoo off the ground and grabs him by the shoulder. 

“Kihyun calm the fuck down and deal with the bear before he gets one of the kids hurt.,” Hoseok calls out calmly. 

Kihyun seemed to simmer down at Hoseok words and turned his head to Hyunwoo who still looked ready to murder, before looking at Jooheon who is rubbing at his arms. Looking first to his intended opponent, then back at his struggling friends, he sighs before grumbling to himself and forcibly shrugging Minhyuk’s arms off of him. Hoseok let go of Hyunwoo as Kihyun walked up, put a hand on his chest, and pushed him back a little. 

“Come on, lets go.” 

Changkyun watched as Hoseok walked over to Hyungwon who hadn’t moved since everything started and put an arm around his shoulder. He guided him over to where Kihyun was still pushing Hyunwoo away from the stall. Jooheon following behind them.

Minhyuk was discussing something with the shoe salesman, he swiftly turned around and says something to the patrol officers, pointing in the direction of Changkyun. The patrolmen look over to where he was still struggling and then put their hands up and backed away. Ah, no one wanted to anger the Ims those days. He was glad Minhyuk had played that card to calm things down. Minhyuk turned back to talking to the shoe salesman, the salesman holding up a pair of shoes taking the money that he haled out to him.

“Changkyun, come on. Lets catch up.” Minhyuk called out as he walked away with the shoes he just bought. 

“Hyung…” Changkyun whispers out “...help...potatoes...” Minhyuk not hearing him. He continues to struggling trying to hold all fourteen potatoes he had in his arms. “Help…” 

The group sat on the crates under the bridge. No one talked as they sat around, clearly all reflecting on what had just happened. Hyunwoo had his head in his hand, he hadn’t moved since he sat down. Kihyun had a soothing hand on his back.

Jooheon was sitting next to Changkyun after going back to help him carry all the potatoes that he had been dropping. He was looking at Hyungwon who appeared to be out of it. Again. 

“Hyung, what happened back there.” Minhyuk asked softly to Hyunwoo. 

“I don’t know, Minhyuk. It was like I couldn’t stop  myself. I was,” Hyunwoo said, head still down, he swallowed hard, “I was so angry.”

“Why were the patrolmen in your faces?” Kihyun coaxed him, trying to get Hyunwoo to lift his head.

“They came to harass the salesman. There was a complaint against him, it made no sense so we stepped in,” Jooheon said leaning against Changkyun. 

“You know they’re waiting for a reason to arrest us, why would you start something?” Minhyuk sounded, quite frankly, exhausted. 

“What were we supposed to do? Let them attack the sales man for no reason?” Hyunwoo shoulders went rigid. “ We protect people. That's what we do.”

“No Hyunwoo, that’s what we did. Now we have to protect ourselves first. Our first priority is Hyun-” Kihyun chided softly. 

“Hyungwon!” A voice shouted out angrily. 

Hyungwon scrambled to his feet as the Warden fumed up to them. Two patrolmen stood at his side. His face twisted in an ugly scowl. He looked at all of them with disgust before he turned back to Hyungwon.

“What did I tell you about causing a scene.” The Warden asked gruffly. “What's this I hear that you causing trouble?”

Hyungwon remained quiet as the Warden continued to go off. His eyes empty.

“I let your friends walk free and this is how you act? You attack patrolmen?” The Warden threw his hands up.

Mumbling under his breath, he said, “Should have had my men kill them for treason when I had the chance. Shit, I probably could still kill them now.” 

Hyungwon looked up at that. “No, you don’t touch them.” His was voice rough from lack of use. “They’ve done nothing! Your men started shit with us!” 

Changkyun eyes widen, he hadn’t heard Hyungwon get that loud since... not since the war. From the look in the Wardens eyes things were going to get bad. He wanted to say something, stand up for his friends but if his parents knew he was there when a fight started between them and patrolmen he’d never hear the end. Minhyuk could lose his job. So much more bad would happen.

Hoseok and Minhyuk stood from their seats, noticing the tension rising between the Warden and Hyungwon. Both taking a step forward but being stopped by Hyunwoo’s firm hand holding the back of their shirts.

“I let these criminals, the people who held you hostage, walk free and even work in my town.” The Warden’s voice was getting louder.

Changkyun grimaced at the spit flying from his mouth wanting nothing more than to move his friend from the splash zone happening in front of him. 

“They did nothing wrong! No one held me host-”

Hyungwon doesn’t get a chance to finish the sentence before the Wardens hand comes down hard across his face. 

Hyunwoo’s hand tightened as Minhyuk and Hoseok lunged forward, visibly fighting to hold them both back as the Warden spared them a sneer before he turned. Jooheon stood up from beside Changkyun to help while Kihyun seethed, hissing curses through gritted teeth. 

When the Warden was out of sight, they let them go. Their fight was gone by then, and Minhyuk moved first, reaching to cradle Hyungwon’s vacant face in his hands. Hoseok right behind him, rubbing soothing circles into his back as they murmured reassurances to him. 

Changkyun watched in silent misery as the little bit of light that had come back to Hyungwon slowly faded. The shell he had become more apparent than ever. 

It made his stomach curl. 

He wanted his friend back. 

--

This Changkyun struggling with ALL THOSE POTATOES !

Chapter Text

---

Ten weeks earlier…

---

It took weeks, but finally, finally, the X-Clan managed to find a potential location to restock on their rapidly shrinking stock of food. When reconnaissance brought back news that the enemy had set up a new post miles from anywhere they had been thus far, Hyungwon and Changkyun had immediately set to figuring out what they had found. After a high risk scouting mission into the uncharted territory far from their base, they discovered the reason.

It was an old ramyeon factory, much to Hoseok’s extreme delight. And sure, ramyeon wasn’t the most nutritious meal they could consume, but food was food at that point. 

Their numbers had been reduced to a close knit seven. For months, starvation brought out a different vein of desperation for many. Some turned against each other, some made the attempt to sneak back into the civilian zones to re-enter protected society, and the rest simply broke off into renegade factions, focused on survival rather than the fight. Those that did decide to stay in the X-Clan’s protection were too weak to get very far, and became their wards rather than their soldiers. 

When they were down to six, a massive debate had been sparked: whether or not to bring Changkyun into active duty. Initially, most had been against the idea, as the kid could still barely manage more than a few whispered words at a time. Ultimately, when he raised his voice, hoarse from silence, for the first time in nearly two years to tell them to ‘shut the fuck up’, they dropped the debate. Granted, he didn’t speak for a week following, but they were seven after that.

So, it was seven of them, Gingerly attempting to be stealthy as they crept through the patch of woods surrounding the factory grounds. The military had camped out on site, they were prepared with two empty duffel bags each, planning to grab all they can and get out before they were noticed. One successful trip meant more were possible. For right then, the important part was getting enough food to get everyone’s strength back to a more capable point. 

They had almost made it, too.

It was on their way out that it happened. 

Laden with stuffed duffel bags nearly bursting with ramyeon packets and any other instant food product they could get their hands on, creeping past the guards proved to be more difficult than they had planned. All of them were near ready to collapse. Starved, stressed, and tired. So, so fucking tired of this war, and the frequent sleepless nights as they had to cycle the night watch on a tighter circuit with less members. 

They had crossed a rather dark section of trees, and really, no one blamed him in retrospect for not seeing the tree root protruding just enough but hidden by detritus.

Kihyun’s ankle had caught and he went down, dead branches on the ground cracking loudly as he fell. The guards caught on immediately, coming towards them with rifles ready. 

Hyunwoo managed to pick him up by the back of his shirt just in time, heaving him up until he stood, and they booked it, the sound of footsteps following too close for comfort.  

If they were caught, it meant the end. There were other factions of rebels, sure, but none of them had the advantages and ability that the X-Clan had preserved even in famine. With the sons of a major military power and the government’s leading scientists, stolen food, and having been the greatest threat to the authorities since the beginning -- their capture meant the end. 

With this reality, they had to leave the duffel bags behind. Better to survive to search for more food another day than risk it. Heavy with remorse at having the small salvation so close only to lose it, they made a last attempt at hiding the bags. Minhyuk and Kihyun threw them into dense vegetation, Jooheon, Hyungwon, and Changkyun dropped them in the shadows of trees, and the other two, monsters as they were, threw them straight up to be snagged in tree branches. A silent agreement they’d return when it was safe to salvage anything that the guards didn’t find. 

The footsteps behind them sounded loud. Heavy. Pounding. Too close at one point. Tauntingly distant at another. Some leagues into the chase, Hyunwoo had chanced a glance behind them, only to see them raise their weapons. 

“Scatter! Meet at North-point Z!” he barked at them. 

They were ready for this, even as they stumbled, barely managing to break off into separate directions in time that the bullets began to fly. This had been a drill they had planned out prior. 

Minhyuk, Jooheon, and Hoseok to the North-East. Hyunwoo and Kihyun straight East. Hyungwon and Changkyun West. 

Lungs burned. Vision swam. Adrenaline and hunger mixing together in a terribly exhaustive combination. Kihyun’s knee was fucked. His ankle may have caught but it was his knee that bent the wrong way. He was lagging behind. Hyunwoo was meters ahead. 

Shit.

Fucking hell.

He couldn’t believe himself just then.

Hyunwoo noticed. Of course he did. Kihyun silently wondered if he’d rather he just get taken the fuck out rather than be the weakest link at that moment. 

Hyunwoo backtracked so hard, nearly stumbling if not for his excessive ability to stay on both feet -- the asshole -- and made it to Kihyun fast, grabbing him by the waist and dragging him bodily off the path they were headed. 

“Ankle?” He panted.

Kihyun shook his head, feeling like he could hear his brain rattling inside his skull. Shit, they shouldn’t have stopped. Everything was burning. He was so tired. How the damned hell was he supposed to start up running again. 

“Knee,” he wheezed, “Dislocated or -- somethin’ -- fuck.”

The pounding of footsteps got louder. Kihyun squeezed his eyes shut, willing his head to stop with the migraine. For his knee to stop throbbing. 

****

Oh, fucking shit on wheels. It was screaming. Sharp pains and that agonizing stiffness that lodges under the kneecap like a rock when it’s so obvious something’s been torn. If his kneecap was even in place. It could have been halfway down his shin for all he knew.

Pounding footsteps.

Pounding headache.

Pounding in his ears. Pounding in his leg. 

He could barely feel his leg beyond the pain of it. 

“Cover your ears!” Hyunwoo whisper yelled, breaking through the panic. He lowered Kihyun to the ground and he had just enough presence of mind to follow the order. 

No sooner had he pressed the heels of his hands to his ears than the loud, skull splitting blast of three bullets being fired way too close for his eardrums’ liking sounded out. He flinched, barely biting back the startled shout he was about to make against all training. 

A moment later and he felt a light grip on his wrists, pulling his hands away from his ears. He could barely open his eyes against all the different pain he was in and the new ringing in his ears, but he could still hear Hyunwoo speaking softly, always so fucking soft. 

“We’re okay,” he told him. “I’ve been counting their footsteps since we split up, there was only the three of them. We’re good for now.”

If it was anyone else, Kihyun would have kept the long suffering whine to himself. But since it was Hyunwoo, and only Hyunwoo, he let the whimper tear out of his lungs in strangled agony. 

“Fuck,” he bit out, “My fucking knee, man.”

He felt Hyunwoo’s hands on his leg, prodding at the injury, and nearly punched his hyung in the mouth. “What the fuck!”

Hyunwoo immediately removed both hands, raising them in surrender. “I was just confirming my suspicions,” he swore, “Sorry, I only know emergency field medicine. I’ve gotta reset it but it won’t be pretty.”

He wanted to cry. God, he knew Hyunwoo was right. But the mention of more torture was enough to nearly break him. Hyunwoo’s heavy hand combed through his rather gross hair in a feeble attempt to comfort. “I’m sorry,” he murmured, “I’m so sorry.”

Kihyun finally nodded, giving his consent, knowing if he didn’t let him set the injury before it could get worse, then he may as well just be left there. He watched as Hyunwoo tore off a cleaner piece of his white gear, twisting it until it was a tough, rope-like slip, and brought it to Kihyun’s mouth, motioning for him to bite down. 

He did, squeezing his eyes shut, and trying, trying, failing, to keep his breathing right. 

There was Hyunwoo’s grip on his leg. And-

***

He wasn’t sure what sound he made. He may have even blacked out for a second.

He did. Oh, shit, he blacked out. Because when he opened his eyes he was being carried firemen’s style with his knee splinted to his own damn rifle. Resourceful, but, what the fuck?

He groaned. Cursed some more, too.

“You with me?”

Kihyun grunted in response. Hyunwoo stopped, letting Kihyun down gently. “How do you feel?”

At that, Kihyun could only level a sleep deprived glare at him. His eye was definitely twitching and he wasn’t sure if that was from the hunger, the throbbing in his temples, or the question itself.

“Right,” Hyunwoo had the fucking gall to laugh. To chuckle, even. Kihyun’s throat felt too raw to curse him out. When had that happened?

“Your knee is bending in the right direction now,” Hyunwoo told him in some bullshit cheery tone, ever the optimistic one, normally Kihyun might have been endeared but right then he was ready to throw down… in theory. “We’re almost at the meetup point, you’ve been out for about twenty minutes.”

Eyes widening, Kihyun let out another string of hoarse profanity and promptly choked on the dryness in his own mouth. Scrambling, Hyunwoo took off his own water pouch, handing it over for Kihyun to save his pathetic life. 

He drank greedily, feeling slightly more human when he had near emptied it. Which wasn’t the worst thing, he was pretty sure his was almost full. They’d just continue to share like they always did. 

“Please tell me I handled that like,” he coughed, “Shit, like, a fucking man I guess.”

Hyunwoo looked thoroughly confused by the statement. “What does that even mean?”

Kihyun grimaced. “Did I cry? I fucking cried, didn’t I?”

The sheepish look he got in response was answer enough. He cursed again. 

“You know, I’m used to you cursing, but I think this is a new record,” Hyunwoo mused, looking so god damn tickled. 

“Make sure you tell Hyungwon,” Kihyun sneered, “Let that fucking worm know I topped him at his own damn game.” Then for good measure -- “Shit.”

Hyunwoo laughed. At least he was having a good time. “Come on, let’s get to the meeting point and make sure the others are okay so we can head back.” 

“What are the chances we still have those painkillers hiding somewhere at base?” Kihyun chanced. Hyunwoo was leaning down and Kihyun reached up. Being thrown across someone’s shoulders may not have been a comfortable way to travel, but it was the most efficient option just then. Besides, piggy-backing meant he had to hold up some of his own weight, and fuck that. Fuck that shit to hell right now. 

“Well,” Hyunwoo voiced, “Considering I’m the boss here -- or, there, I guess -- I’d say pretty high.”

“What you’re going to use your authority to order them into --,” he grunted as he was lifted onto Hyunwoo’s obnoxiously broad shoulders, “--existence?”

“No, I mean I kept some stashed away for emergencies like this.”

“Ah, that makes more sense.”

---

Present

---

Smoke and ash clogged his lungs and gunpowder tasted heavy on his tongue. The firefight was close but far enough away the gunshots didn’t make his ears ring even as each bang hurt in the fear curdling way that each shot could be the death of a brother. 

It was getting closer. 

His muscles strained with carrying pure dead weight on one arm while struggling to contain Minhyuk’s grief stricken panic on the other as he wailed in his ear. It was too much. There was an explosion too close for comfort and he stumbled, all three bodies falling to the ground and—

Hoseok woke with a start. Heart racing. Exhausted. And wide awake. He held his breath for a moment. 

It was just another nightmare. He was fine. They were fine. Everyone was alive.  

Letting out a shaky breath, he rolled into his back and ran his hands down his face in the dark.

The sun had yet to rise and across from him Minhyuk was sound asleep, snoring quietly, and overall safe. In the darkness, Hoseok could just make out his features, softened in sleep and fully at peace. Minhyuk wasn’t plagued by nightmares like he was. Sometimes it even seemed like he couldn’t remember any of it. 

Of course, Hoseok knew better but as long as the others weren’t suffering like he was, then he could live with this. 

He could.

His heart was still beating too fast to even imagine sleeping again. The thought of lying down and actually falling asleep where he could end up back in that place again… It made it worse. He couldn’t go back even if it meant exhaustion. He prefered exhaustion greatly to the alternative. 

Throwing the covers back, he slid his feet to the ground, propping his elbows to bury his face in his hands. He was so tired. Even if exhaustion was the better option it still sucked. 

Resisting another sigh out of fear that it might somehow wake up the other, he pulled himself to his feet and made his way out of the apartment’s bedroom. It was expensive to afford any sort of housing but they managed to find a hole in the wall that the four of them could afford to share — off grid of course. 

Before the war, the location would have been ideal and more than any of them could dream of in their freshly discharged early twenties. Hyungwon and Hyunwoo, who at the time was still climbing higher and higher in rank, had been in the service when it all went to shit, but he, Minhyuk, and Kihyun had all thought they had been free only to get sucked right back into it no more than a few months later. They had barely had the chance to get into university, let alone find an apartment. So, the two bedroom place just a few blocks off grid but a forty minute walk into town wasn’t the worst set up they could have. Even if it was little more than a roof over their head.

In the main room, Hyunwoo was already awake and working out which meant it was at least after three. With a yawn, Hoseok shuffled over to join him.  

“Morning,” Hyunwoo smiled, completely oblivious to the fact that it was hardly Hoseok’s choice to be waking up before four everyday. If any of them knew he didn’t fall asleep before midnight they’d be livid over how much he was practically straining himself during the day. 

“Mornin,’” Hoseok squeezed out with another yawn, plopping down on the floor to stretch out his legs. “Time’s it?”

Hyunwoo had to think about it for a second. “It was around three when I started and I’m almost done so,” he shrugged as he said, “four-ish. Maybe a little earlier.”

Acknowledging it with a grunt, Hoseok went on to stretch the sleep out of his muscles and prepared himself for a very lazy chest day. 

Some hours later, as the sun was creeping up, Kihyun found Hoseok hunched over the table, struggling to not fall asleep into his breakfast. A few minutes and a rant about none of them taking care of themselves later, a cup of room temperature coffee was slid under his nose. 

Blinking groggily, Hoseok looked at the cup in disbelief. They had no means to brew coffee so how the hell?

“Cold brew,” Kihyun explained, pulling breakfast for himself out of the large cooler they had managed to get in place of a refrigerator. They could only open it when the sun was down or risk letting out too much cold air than they could afford to replace, but it didn’t matter much when they worked all day anyways. “Or, well, it’s the same concept without actuallying being cold. But I can try to chip something off the ice blocks.”

“No, no,” Hoseok declined. “This is.” He took a sip and nearly wanted to cry. It wasn’t the best coffee of his life, but it may as well have been since he couldn’t remember what good coffee tasted like. “This is amazing. How did you get stuff for this?”

At that, a sly smile lifted Kihyun’s lips. “Perks of working at the government mess hall I guess,” he said. “It took about a week to sneak enough grounds out to make as much as I did, but we have it.”

Minhyuk and Hyunwoo were just as happy to find out about Kihyun’s smuggled coffee, the former even shedding a few tears in sleepy relief. 

By the sun, it was eight o’clock when Hyunwoo and Hoseok made the trek towards the construction sites. Stopping by the supply stand to suit up in gloves, helmets, goggles, ear plugs, and masks to protect themselves minimally for a day of shoveling rubble and salvaging anything worth saving. 

The construction site was less of a rebuild and more of clean up from the aftermath of the explosive ending to the war. With most of the grid still down and the limited electricity prioritized to medical and government facilities, the heavy lifting relied solely on man power. Which had been a major negotiation point for Hyunwoo’s freedom after being the known leader of the X-Clan. Strong, able bodied men were scarce after the level of starvation reached during the worst of it. They couldn’t afford to put either of them in jail when they needed people who were up to the tasks requiring muscle. 

That left their days redundant. 

Show up. Suit up. Grab a shovel. Get to work. Clear out the rubble. Try not to choke on soot. Eat lunch when they gave it. Drink water when provided. Clear a city block. Go home. 

The perks were as nice as they got all things considered, though. They got higher pay since they were the rarest form of labor at the moment. Anything the government didn’t need but was worth salvaging could be brought home-- which was how they got their cooler and all of their furniture. And because their physical ability had to be maintained, they got more food credit allowances. 

Three hours into their shift and the water boy was making his third round of the day. 

Hyunwoo waved him over to get his cup, already taking off his goggles and mask, stringing his ear plugs around his neck as Hoseok jogged over to meet him, taking off his own gear to enjoy his hourly five minute break. 

He had just reached them, patting Hyunwoo on the back and reaching for the cup of warm water the kid had brought them. 

No sooner had he brought the cup to his lips than a loud bang sounded out behind them.

Hoseok crumpled. 

Water sloshed down his front and he faintly registered the cup hitting the ground as he went down with it, taunting shouts about clumsiness morphing into the horrified yells of a battlefield, the sky turning dark under clouds of ash and soot.

He was running through freshly fallen rubble, barely keeping his footing as the newly fallen chunks rattled loose under his footfalls. Explosions sounded out behind him. He was just out of the blast range, watching chunks of buildings skitter past him as he sought cover under an overpass. 

“Hoseok.”

The momentary safe haven quickly became his own personal hell when he saw the two slumped figures on the opposite opening. One still as death. The other screaming.

“Hoseok. You’re safe.”

God the screaming. 

“Hoseok!”

He jolted hard, rocks digging into his back and he inhaled a pungent cloud of dust, coughing heavily. It was bright again, no more soot darkened skies. No more explosions. No more screaming.

Hyunwoo was leaning over him, blocking the sun from his eyes as he choked out the lungful of dirt. He helped Hoseok roll to his side, a gentle but firm hand turning him over until he could get on all fours and cough it out.

After a moment, water was thrust in front of his face and he scrambled to hold the cup as he gulped the water down. He felt Hyunwoo’s hand hesitant on his back. When he no longer felt like he was suffocating, he pulled the water away from his mouth and took a gasp of air.

The poor water boy looked traumatized. But that made two of them. 

“You good?” Hyunwoo asked patting his shoulder in his awkward affection. 

Hoseok nods, throat feeling like he had swallowed low grit sandpaper. “Yeah,” he grunts out with a cough, “Fuck. Yeah I’m fine.”

“That- that didn’t look fine, my guy.”

Hoseok squinted up at the water boy, incredulous. 

“We’re good here,” Hyunwoo stepped in quickly, waving the teen off to finish his round. When the kid had collected their water cups, he turned and left. Hyunwoo brought his attention back to Hoseok. “What the hell was that, Hoseok?”

“Nothing,” he said, voice shaking. He rubbed a hand down his face, ignoring the dirt. “I just got surprised.”

Hyunwoo looked unconvinced. “Hoseok, you remember I made rank right? I had to learn about the psychological part of war, too.” he pressed, “That wasn’t nothing. That looked like a trauma flash-.”

“Please don’t,” Hoseok held up a hand to stop him. Hyunwoo pressed his lips into a line and Hoseok stood up, leaning heavily with his hands on his knees. He glanced over his shoulder to see what had made the sound and saw a large metal pipe that hadn’t been there before, still rolling away from the site. It must have rolled off the stacked pile. The sound it made would have been cashing and terrible. He turned back to Hyunwoo. “I know what you’re trying to say but let’s not go there.”

With barely contained impatience, Hyunwoo said, “Okay, there’s no way I can just ignore this. How long has it been going on?”

He sighed heavily. Knowing Hyunwoo wasn’t going to give up on it until he got some answers, Hoseok relented. “About two weeks? Give or take. I don’t know, man, it was just nightmares until--,” he waved his hand vaguely at the metal pipe rolling further away in the background. 

“Nightmares, too?” Hyunwoo looked really perturbed now. Hoseok cursed to himself. “Does Minhyuk know?”

“ No!” Hoseok panicked, waving his hands in front of him. “No he doesn’t, and don’t you dare tell him.”

“What? Why?” 

“Because then he’ll ask questions!”

“Because he cares about you, we all do!”

“And I care about him!” Hoseok shouted, immediately attracting attention from their supervisor. The man waved with his gun, gesturing for them to return to work. Scowling, they both proceeded to gear up as they returned to their shovels. “I care about him, and those are questions he can’t know the answer to, okay? He’s been so worried about Won, he doesn’t need my shit too.”

With a long relenting sigh, Hyunwoo’s shoulders sag. “You realize you can’t hide it from him forever, right?” 

Hoseok paused with his goggles raised to reposition on his face. Of course he had thought about what the future could hold, but he quickly wrote it off to deal with later. He had too much of the past haunting him to worry about what could happen in the future. 

“These things can make you lash out in your sleep, and he sleeps--.”

Hoseok shoved his ear plugs in his ears before he could hear anymore, grabbed his shovel, and went back to work.

 --

Chapter Text

---

Night of the Ramyeon Raid

---

They made their way looping around before they came to the abandoned bridge that was North-point Z. Before setting out for the retrieval mission, they had scouted for a place outside of enemy territory to call a meet up point in a scenario where they got separated. This far out, they were well beyond where even the military bothered to trudge. Nothing but old farmland, electrical lines, and overgrown roads for miles. It was more advantageous to stick close to the city where paper maps marked every alley way and turn. Where supplies could possibly be stumbled upon by chance. 

Out here, it was a wasteland. 

They were the last to show, the other five piled under the bridge, slumped over, struggling to catch their breath. Hyungwon was the only one standing, patrolling it seemed. 

When Hyunwoo broke through the tree line some meters away from his co-leader, Hyungwon immediately began to fuss in panic poorly disguised by aggravation.

“Is he dead? Jesus Chri-.”

“No, I’m not dead, you goddamn worm,” Kihyun huffed out just loud enough for him to hear. 

Hyungwon sneered, looking significantly less worried than he had a moment ago. “Ugh,” He scowled, “What hole did you crawl out of, you little rodent?”

Gently, Hyunwoo set Kihyun down on his good leg, keeping a steadying arm around his waist like an overgrown crutch. “Maybe,” Kihyun retorted, rearing his head in bothered delirium, “you could come up with some original shit for once. You overstretched piece of reject taffy. I swear you—.”

“Okay, that’s enough,” Hyunwoo cut them both off. He was laughing under his breath, but honestly, since they had run out of enough food to keep the mood swings and migraines away, Hyungwon and Kihyun had taken to going at each other’s throats for no good reason. “Everyone accounted for?”

Hyungwon nodded. “You’re the last to show up.” Then, straightening out, he cleared his throat and managed to sound like the leader he was supposed to be. “What happened back there? We heard gunshots. Did they…?” He was looking at Kihyun’s rifle-splinted knee. 

“No,” Hyunwoo shook his head, “he dislocated his knee cap when he fell, and running on it probably tore something. It had to be reset and for that I had to take out the ones tailing us.”

Conflicted relief and remorse crossed Hyungwon’s face, but he nodded. They all knew Hyunwoo hated landing a bullet. They all hated what this war had brought out of them. The first time had been the worst. He had been inconsolable for weeks, until the initial battles raged on, and all their death counts had grown hauntingly. It only went to show that the war had gone on too long that any of them could land three hits and carry on. 

“We’ve been discussing sleeping in shifts,” Hyungwon explained. “Dawn is in five hours but there’s no way we’re going to get them to make the trip back.”

“We didn't have the energy to spare on that chase,” Hyunwoo sighed, Hyungwon made it around to Kihyun’s other side, giving him an arm for support as the three hobbled over to the others. “You’re right, we need to let them rest. Do we have any sort of food?” 

When the other four saw the state Kihyun was in, there were cries of alarm. 

Minhyuk was scrambling, “Kihyun, are you--.”

“I’m fine,” Kihyun cut him off, not unkindly. “To answer all of your questions, I wasn’t shot but I won’t be walking for a while.”

They all looked relieved enough to slump back over on the ground, Minhyuk returning to where he had been using Hoseok’s thigh as a pillow. All of them were frankly too skinny at that point, but Hyunwoo, Jooheon, and Hoseok had taken the longest to lose their size. Kihyun imagined that thigh was still pretty damn comfortable. Changkyun gave him a smile from where he sat between Hoseok and Jooheon, arms curled around his knees and Kihyun returned it, though it felt more like a grimace. 

“To answer your question,” Hoseok spoke up, shifting back a bit to reach into the inside of his dirtied gear. “I may have gotten a little excited back at the factory, so…” He then proceeded to pull out packet after packet of instant ramyeon, from every fold and pocket available, stretching out the leg Minhyuk wasn’t on and wiggling to reach into the multitude of other pockets he had and dropping more packets onto the ground. Minhyuk sat up, looking confused and weirdly, maybe a little turned on but Kihyun refused to think much about that. 

“I could kiss you right now,” Minhyuk stated plainly, looking straight into Hoseok’s eyes. The latter laughed, obviously not realizing how serious that statement had been. “Actually fuck it,” Minhyuk said, and took Hoseok’s still laughing face to aggressively land a kiss to his lips while covered in instant ramyeon packets. It was over in a second, Hyungwon coughing --choking?-- next to Kihyun, then Minhyuk let him go, immediately tearing open a packet and taking a solid bite out of the dry noodles. 

“That was…” Hyungwon said, looking a little ill, “was that necessary?”

Around a crunchy mouthful of noodles, Minhyuk replied, “Absolutely.” 

Hoseok was still frozen next to him, and it was too dark to see, but Kihyun would bet money he was bright red by then. 

Muttering something about propriety, Hyungwon released Kihyun to trudge over, snatching a packet off of Hoseok’s lap despite the plenty that sat on the ground, and dropped down next to Minhyuk. 

They settled Kihyun down so he was propped up between Jooheon and Hyunwoo’s shoulders with his bad leg in front of him and feasted on dry ramyeon noodles. Changkyun was tearing his flavor packet and sprinkling it over the brick like salt, taking a solid bite and nodding happily, even when he choked on the powder in his throat. They laughed at him for it, but did the same. 

“I forgot how much of a ramyeon fan you used to be,” Jooheon voiced, “But really, thank god for that obsession, man.”

“Ain’t nothing ‘used to’ about it,” Hoseok replied, ripping open his fifth packet, “I can’t tell you how many wet dreams I’ve had over the thought of hot bowl of ramyeon.” He sighed, remorseful, but taking a powder-sprinkled bite out of his current brick of noodles. “And that’s just this week.”

“It’s true,” Minhyuk spoke up, crumpling the wrapper of his into a ball, “I heard him moaning in his sleep the other night,.” He tilted his head back, closing his eyes and smacking his lips in a reenactment then in a high, porn-worthy voice, “‘Yes, extra noodles, with chicken please, oh fuck yeah!’”

Hoseok shoved him into Hyungwon as they all laughed, Kihyun being jostled from between the two much larger men’s shoulders. It felt good, laughing and teasing each other with full bellies for the first time in so long that the thought hurt. The night may not have been a success on paper, but after the way things had been as of late, it was more than they could have asked for. 

Kihyun felt Jooheon freeze up beside him and turned in question. He was still, brows furrowed as he looked into the distance. Tuned into him as he always was, Changkyun was watching Jooheon too, questions in his eyes. “What?” he murmured in his quiet, minimal way of speaking. 

Jooheon lifted a hand up to motion for them to be silent. They all did, coughing around the dryness of their feast and ceasing their chewing to listen out. 

Thump-thump… thump-thump…

Hyungwon was on his feet so fast, Kihyun was sure he would have passed right out had it been an hour ago. “Is that?” He looked to Hyunwoo who was shifting, preparing to stand up to.

“It… it doesn’t sound like pursuit…” he noted. “I have no idea.”

They all looked between each other, listening to the rhythmic sound. Kihyun thought the beat sounded familiar in a way that made his stomach curdle. “It kinda sounds like…”

“A heart.” Jooheon was wide eyed and more genuinely confused than he’d ever looked. “It sounds like a heart.”

---

Present

---

“What do you mean ‘you heard gossip?’” 

The connection wasn’t what it was before the war with high speed service and WiFi calling, but luckily the line between the patrol building’s mess hall and the grid hub was one of the better ones. Which meant Minhyuk could hear what Kihyun was saying clear enough. But it made no sense. 

“You wouldn’t risk a tapped line finding out your a snake for ‘gossip,’ Ki.” He glanced over his shoulder when he heard footsteps. It was just another couple of engineers down the hall, no one who would care that he was using a private line during working hours. 

“Look it’s not like I was there,” Kihyun retorted, “but they always think the help is deaf so I overheard talk. The Warden’s escorts heard something nasty when they showed up at his house. I think you should check on Hyungwon.”

Minhyuk felt his stomach tighten at that. Hyungwon had been so different lately and none of them knew what to do. He hadn’t been the same, they all had a feeling, but none of them had the guts to say it. 

Minhyuk knew. And he knew it was his fault.

“When you say nasty…?” 

“They said they heard violence.”

“What kind of violence?”

“I told you I wasn’t there!” Kihyun sighed heavily, the line crackling with the static from it. “Just go check on him. I’ve got a bad feeling and you always get a response out of him.” 

He opened his mouth to press that statement for more details when there was a beeping on the line, signaling they’d exceeded the maximum free limit and would be charged credits if they continued. 

“Ah, I miss unlimited talk and text.” He mourned. “I’ll check on him.”

“Good. Now hang up. We don’t get paid enough for this shit.”

The line went dead, leaving behind old school dial tone. He looked at the phone before pouting and returning it back to the wall cradle. The plastic was old and had the signs of aging like old 90s phones did. He was sure the city had to dig up the abandoned landlines from before the days of cellphones to install connections for official use. 

He made his way back to his station, working out ways to convince his supervisors to let him out early so he could get to Hyungwon’s before the Warden returned for the night. If he was slick about it, he might be able to convince them to give him an extended lunch break.

Though everyone seemed to think working at the grid station was the more glamorous restoration job — and Minhyuk himself did nothing to dispel the rumors — it truthfully was little less than a bunch of sweaty tech brains sitting in old roller chairs and trying to hack into a bunch of old hard drives. 

The first thing to come back on had been the generators. When the authorities had first gotten power back at the end of the war, it was from an old grocery station bad-weather-back-up rig. It wasn’t much, but it had been just enough to allow them access to explosives and fresh ammo for firearms. That’s how it all ended.

Now, with Dr. Im and his wife fronting the efforts, Minhyuk and the rest of the sweaty tech brains managed to get a power plant up and running again a month after the war. They had access to a single blueprint to trace lines and find the needed repair spots.

Four weeks later, and they had yet to find any other maps. 

Which left them all scrambling to hack into or salvage the deteriorated hard drives in hopes of finding the maps and layout of the pre-war power grid. In his opinion, it would have been a lot easier if there were physical maps left, but they had been destroyed in the early days of the war.

Minhyuk was pretty sure that was Changkyun’s doing. Hell if he was going to ask the poor kid who still couldn’t speak in full sentences, though. He wasn’t that kind of asshole.

What he would ask, was to help him bullshit enough progress to earn an extended break. 

The grid station was a single story warehouse of a building. Nondescript and the type of place one wouldn’t glance at twice when driving by. Most of the office rooms were cleared out but it looked like the type of place that would have sporadic motivational cat posters at its prime. Because cats and block lettering always upped the moral when you worked in a white-walled hell. 

His work station was in the one room in the place that had enough electricity for good lighting and temperature control. About the size of standard classroom, and packed with work tables and lamps. There are stacks of hard drives labeled “functional but worthless,” “to be checked,” and “trash.” 

Three of the eleven people who normally worked were off. Leaving the room slightly less cramped but still not ideal. Nobody looked up when Minhyuk returned. Half off them were far too busy trying not to fuck up a part replacement and the rest were trying to look busy while trying not to pass out. 

Post war society sucked really. There were no laws against hours one could work. Which meant plenty of people worked into the next day on only two hours of sleep after trying to help their families function on their off time. After a few hard drives had been ruined beyond repair because of sleep deprived technicians, Dr. Im’s wife made a point that anyone who couldn’t match practical efficiency would be sent home without pay.

So if people wanted their credits, they had to look like they weren’t a bunch of zombies.

In the work room, there was a particular table under the only window filled with more precise repair tools and the single working computer. 

This was where Changkyun could be found eighteen hours out of every day he was working. 

As son of the lead scientists and their resident baby genius — Minhyuk still has a bruise on his arm from the time Changkyun caught him actually using that title out loud — he was the only one qualified and trusted to do the more critical fixes and actually test the legitimacy of the hard drives.

Minhyuk sometimes suspected the kid was sabotaging the whole thing after catching him scrap a hard drive that looked like it had potential. Just another reason he believed Changkyun had shut down the grid. But again, hell if Minhyuk would say shit. He was sure the kid had his reasons. 

He went back to fiddling with the external casing of a hard drive that had been damaged too far for hope, and waited. The moment Changkyun finished with the precise physical repairs and switched to the computer, Minhyuk swooped in.

“Psst,” he sounded, not surprising Changkyun at all. He was met with silence and raised brows. “I need help.”

“You always do,” Changkyun huffed under his breath. He didn’t like the others knowing he was getting better. And the rest of the former X-Clan knew it was because he didn’t want to be pressured to produce more. Minhyuk just smiled, bright, charming, and completely ineffective against their maknae. 

“Kihyun called,” he said, “something came up— I need to get out of here for a bit.”

The raised eyebrows then furrowed in concern. If Kihyun, who made the least in credits out of all of them working the line at the mess hall, was risking less credits and having to pay to call, it was worth concern. 

Minhyuk lowered his voice further. “Hyungwon might be… not okay,” he swallowed, trying to keep his emotions in check. He knew nothing for sure. It could all be fine as far as he knew. “I really need to check on him.”

The second bit was unnecessary, because Changkyun was already in process of pulling up the time keeping files — oh, resident baby genius and supervisor, because no one had any clue he had defected during the war and believed he was the poor victim of a hostage situation, but details — and fudging the schedules. 

“Noon.” Changkyun nodded his head at the chart, in the time slots, there were authorized break times amounting to three total hours. “Enough?”

Minhyuk smiled bright, his cheeks hurting, and leaned in to grab Changkyun’s face and plant a wet kiss on his cheek. “You’re the best boss ever.”

Grimacing, Changkyun wiped the spit off his face and shooed him away. 

He glanced out the window in front of him, it was only about ten in the morning. Two hours to go. 

He wandered back to his work station and figured he’d try to make some progress for Changkyun’s sake at the least. 

As much as he acted out sometimes, he realized that it was nothing short of a freak miracle he was allowed to work on the grid and even see Changkyun these days.

 He had defected in the early days of the war. Before that, he was just a step under the Im’s personal assistants, serving his enlistment split between the research side of the military and guarding the same buildings during security night shifts. 

When he had turned on them, he had used Changkyun as a hostage, ensuring the kid wouldn’t be accused of espionage with his best friends all leading the biggest resistance effort of the war.

Sometimes he wondered if Changkyun was telling the truth that his near-muteness came from his own defecting or if it was from the gun Minhyuk had held to his head. Because Minhyuk couldn’t speak for Changkyun, but he still had nightmares about that episode almost as much as his first kill. 

Among other memories.

He took a deep breath. Just two more hours. 

Two more hours and he could see Hyungwon.

Something he once thought wouldn’t be possible.

…

The air was dry as ever and Minhyuk could feel the dust in the air clinging to his face. He knew his skin was an oily mess but skin care wasn’t very accessible these days. Nonetheless, he pulled up the bottom hem of his shirt and curled it over his hands, hoping the inside was clean enough as he aggressively swiped at his cheeks and forehead. Hyungwon wouldn’t care if he was a dusty mess, but Minhyuk did. He barely saw the guy these days, he had to make sure that in the moments he did see Hyungwon he looked as good as was possible.

Changkyun had (silently) laughed at him when he had caught on to the odd ways he always groomed himself whenever the whole clan would meet up. He refused to think too hard about all the implications.

With his face less oily, he messed his fingers through his hair to hopefully do the same for his scalp and fluffed up his bangs in the process. The strands were so dry. Hoseok had found hair bleach in his salvaging runs for the city and thought it would be a great idea. A prank almost.

It was terrible. Platinum hair in the dry heat without any means of moisturizing was probably the dumbest shit they had ever done. 

And it was hot. Hot and dry. The kind of weather that made everyone too scared to rub their hands together too hard or risk starting a fire. 

The Warden’s house came up faster than he was prepared for. The dread Minhyuk had been suppressing in fear of Kihyun’s gossip being based on facts coming back and punching him in the gut. 

The house was nice. Sitting on top of a hill and better kept than anyone else could afford. It would have been sickening, but honestly, they were just glad Hyungwon could be somewhat comfortable in his would be prison. 

He jogged up the steps and rapped his knuckles on the wooden door. Counted to sixty. And was met with silence.

“Hyungwon!” He called out, leaning closer to the door to be heard better. He knocked again, and tried to keep a smile in his voice, “Won it’s me~” 

Another minute passed and nothing.

He swallowed hard, reminding himself that Hyungwon had been more than out of it these days and it took time for him to come back after spacing out. It didn’t have to mean the worst and Minhyuk didn’t have to let his mind go there. No matter how much the memories pushed themselves into his head.

He knocked again. “Won…? You okay?”

Even he could hear how upset he sounded. Which wasn’t good. He couldn’t stress Hyungwon out anymore than he already was. He couldn’t cause him that kind of stress.

Biting his lip, he remembered the way Hyungwon never locked the door, and tried the knob.

Sure enough, the door swung open.

He shot a glance over his shoulder before taking a step inside. “Hyungwon?” He kept his voice gentle. “You here?”

The door shut easily behind him and he slipped off his dusty shoes before padding into the dark house. He passed empty rooms and closed windows before he found one door left ajar. Natural light spilled through, telling him the window was open.

He knocked softly. “Won?” He tried again, and pushed the door further to peek his head in.

That dread turned to heavy fear in his gut. 

Hyungwon was slumped against the back wall, a white balaclava pulled over his face. 

He recognized the mask as what the prisoners of war had to wear to execution and he wanted to cry. Instead he tread over to Hyungwon without making sudden movements.

“Hey,” he whispered, squatting down to look into his friend’s vacant eyes. His eyes were red and there was more angry swelling at the edge of the cut out holes. 

Hyungwon blinked.

“Hey hey,” Minhyuk whispered again, placing a tentative hand on his shoulder, “Won, it’s me.”

Slowly, Hyungwon’s eyes blinked and Minhyuk could see the exact moment he came back to awareness and focused on him. 

A lagged, pained sound came from his throat, and he tried to push Minhyuk off. Succeeding only in flipping over onto his side. His body twisted awkwardly but he didn’t seem to care.

“No, none of that,” Minhyuk sighed, trying to keep his tone light and failing miserably in the face of his fears. He pulled his friend back up to sitting and cupped a hand on his neck to keep him there. “I need you to look at me.” He raised a finger up to Hyungwon’s eyes. “You remember this right?” 

The subtlest of nods and Hyungwon followed his finger as Minhyuk checked for a concussion the way Hyunwoo trained them all to do for emergencies. 

“Okay,” Minhyuk sighed, “try not to sleep for a bit longer, just in case, yeah?” 

Hyungwon huffed. His mouth opening to speak but after a long moment he shut his mouth and tried to turn away from Minhyuk again. 

“Come on,” Minhyuk prodded, pulling him back and keeping his hand firmly in his. “You don’t have to say anything. But I need to take the mask off,” he spoke carefully, it took a lot to not sound angry. But it wasn’t Hyungwon he was angry with, and he didn’t need that frustration to come through as impatience. At his words, Hyungwon’s eyes got glassy.

“No.” He shook his head and almost flopped over from the motion. “Y’don’ wanna see,” He slurred, voice sounded thick and drier than the air outside. 

“I’m not leaving you like this, Won,” he insisted, rubbing a thumb across the back of his hand soothingly. “Let me take it off, please?”

Hyungwon’s eyes finally met his. He was so clearly trying not to cry. It made Minhyuk want to die if he was honest but he refused to let it show and kept his face as calm as possible.

With a nod of consent from Hyungwon, Minhyuk lifted his fingers to the hem and, gently, lifted the mask.

 --

Chapter Text

---

Night of the Ramyeon Raid…..

---

It felt like they had been walking forever.

They were following the rhythmic beating deep into the forest. It had only been a ten minute argument between them on if they should follow the sound or not, which  ended with Jooheon shouts of “ we need to know if there’s a new threat or not!”  

Changkyun had never seen Jooheon panic before but his shouts bordered on hysterical. It had shut everyone up and got them moving in the direction of the thumping.  

“Are we fucking there yet?!” Minhyuk complains loudly, feet dragging.

“I swear to god, Minhyuk, if you ask that again, I’ll hang you from a tree by your ankle!” Hyungwon groaned stepping over a large rock. 

“Well then,” Minhyuk muttered angrily at Hyungwon’s tone of voice 

“Sorry,” Hyungwon mumbled, clearly feeling bad for snapping, fingers reaching out to tug at the other’s sleeve. Minhyuk smiled carefully, responding to the little grab by full on latching onto his arm. Hyungwon tried to shrug him off, suspiciously unsuccessful for someone who excelled in military combat training, but the smile couldn’t hide how he’s happy to be forgiven. 

“How do we even know when we’re there or not?” Kihyun asks, ignoring Hyungwon and Minhyuk, he was still riding fireman’s style on Hyunwoo’s shoulder despite complaining — Hyunwoo refused to put him down. 

Changkyun was wondering the same thing, they had no clue what they were even following, if there was going to be an end result to all their walking. They were following a sound in the sky, it could easily be them walking into a trap. 

“Oh, fucking shit!” Hoseok shouted as he hit the forest floor, tripping over a cleverly disguised rock, catching himself on his forearm.

“Oh my god! Are you okay?” Minhyuk dropped Hyungwon’s arm to rush over to Hoseok, helping him up.

“Yea, that rock came outta nowhere.” Hoseok said brushing off his pants.

“Uh...hyung. You’re bleeding...a lot.” Hyungwon noted from where he’d gotten closer to Hoseok after his shout.

On Hoseok’s left forearm was a giant ragged gash that bled like crazy. From where Changkyun was standing he could see the dirt and pebbles covering the wound. 

“We gotta clean that off before it gets infected.” Hyunwoo says, shifting his hold on Kihyun to look at the wound better.

“With what? Our spit? We don’t have much water left.” Hyungwon sniped, gently — despite his tone — trying to brush the dirt away from the gash. 

Clearing his throat, Changkyun tapped Hyungwon on his shoulder. He knew he still had a lot of water in his canteen left. He handed his canteen over to Hyungwon shaking it a bit to let him know it was nearly full and to use it.

“Are you sure, Kyun? You don’t have to, what if you get thirsty later?” Hoseok said with a frown. 

Shaking his head, Changkyun pushed the bottle into Hyungwon’s hands and took a step back. Opening the bottle Hyungwon poured some onto Hoseok’s arm, wincing with him when he took a deep breath in pain. 

Minhyuk had already ripped a piece of his shirt prepared to wrap up his arm. 

After a few more moments of fixing up Hoseok’s arm they were back to following the sound of the thumping. Changkyun wasn’t sure how long they had been walking, but the moon was high in the sky. Changkyun now had his hand curled around the back of Hyungwon’s shirt to keep from tripping over the fallen branches. 

The moon barely lit up the path they were on. Changkyun felt like he was going to find a way to start complaining, until he noticed strange purple flowers sprouting up from the forest floor. He could barely see them but they stood out from the night around him. Like they had a subtle glow to them.

He wouldn't have thought much about it if it wasn't for the fact that the grass and brush in the forest was dead itself, an expanse of blight stretching around them. The thumping had gone from a gentle thud to an almost uncomfortably loud beat, like someone was drumming directly into their ear drums. The longer they walked the thicker the flowers got, and the louder the beating became. Releasing Hyungwon, he threw his hands over his ears to block out the beating, that had somehow gotten worse. Just when the beating had gotten to the point of unbearable, the foliage cleared and they were dumped into a clearing. The beating had calmed back to a gentle thud and as Changkyun removed his hands from his ears, his breath was taken away.

The source of the beating had Changkyun rubbing his eyes in disbelief, there was no way his eyes were working properly. 

“I’ve officially gone crazy.” Kihyun muttered from where he was thrown across Hyunwoo. Neck straining to see the sky above him.

Changkyun couldn't agree more.

Simply because there, in the sky, could not be a giant purple glowing heart. 

After rubbing his eyes dry and a now throbbing toe — from kicking it against a rock to see if he was dreaming — he came to terms that his eyes weren’t playing tricks on him. 

“There's a purple heart in the sky,” Hoseok chokes out stepping closer to Hyunwoo.

“You bet your ass there is,” Minhyuk nods as if the situation was normal. 

“Mmm i don’t know feels more indigo to me,” Hyungwon states matter of factly but with slight tremor in his voice giving away his true fear. He purposefully ignored the glare he received from Kihyun to quickly step closer to Minhyuk.

Changkyun felt as Jooheon put his arm around him, pulling him closer. Changkyun turned to look at him, his pale face looking even paler from the dull glow of the heart, his eyebrows furrowed in what looked to be pain. Just as he was reaching to touch Jooheons face, a silent question if he was okay, which was probably dumb because who could be okay with a giant fucking heart in the sky,  he was hit with a smell. A smell so sweet and delicious that he stopped moving completely. 

His eyes whipped around trying to figure out where the smell was coming from. His stomach growled in anticipation for whatever this aroma could be. Looking down he realized they had stopped in a patch of the purple flowers. And the smell was coming straight from them.

Changkyun stared at the flowers longer, looking around the field, noticing the flowers grew dense under the heart, entire bushes of them, and the exact same color. As if the heart was beating them into existence.

Oh great, Changkyun thought, the most appetizing thing he ever smelled since this god forsaken war started and it comes from the mysterious heart in the fucking sky. Just absolutely terrific.

“God, what is that smell,” Hoseok mumbles from behind Changkyun, walking up next to him while looking around.

Changkyun saw the moment when Hoseok found the source. His eyes lit up, like he found the answer to the universe rather than some weird ass plant. Reaching down, Hoseok picked up a flower, bringing it to his nose to smell it. He smiled like he couldn’t believe a little flower could have such a strong smell.

Changkyun was certain that he and Jooheon saw it happen before anyone else. Saw when Hoseok decided what he was going to do and neither of them were fast enough to stop him.

“Hyung! Wait don’t-,” was all Jooheon got out before it happened. 

Hoseok just ate the weird ass purple flower.

Changkyun and Jooheon stared at him in horror. Changkyun didn’t know what he was waiting to happen but he knew a flower that grows from a floating heart wasn’t something that should be eaten. 

“Are you...are you okay?” Jooheon asked cautiously, taking a tentative step towards Hoseok as if to catch him if his body collapsed.

It took Hoseok a few minutes to respond, his face had lit up with color and he looked a little dazed. Getting worried Changkyun also took a half step towards him as well, just as Hoseok responded.

“I actually feel great, no better than great. This is the best I’ve ever felt. Even my arm stopped hurting, wait-,” Hoseok stopped, his eyes were wide as he reached down and undid Minhyuk's careful binds.

“Hoseok what are you doing?!” Minhyuk could be heard shouting from somewhere in the clearing but Changkyun couldn’t look away from Hoseok.

There was nothing on his arm.

The arm that had been bleeding was completely clear of any marks, not even a scar.

What the fuck.

“What the fuck?” Jooheon breathed out taking the words right from Changkyun’s mind.

“I- I’m healed? How am I healed? Did the flower…” Hoseok asked looking up at Changkyun and Jooheon before looking at the heart.

Jooheon and Changkyun continued to stare at his arm, Jooheon stepping back a slight step to grab at Changkyun as if his entire world had been shifted. He looked moments from fainting and if Changkyun wasn’t so confused he would definitely have been more concerned. 

“What’s happening over there?” Kihyun’s voice could be heard followed by him softly asking Hyunwoo to set him down.

“ Hoseok...Hoseok hyung, ate one of the flowers,” Jooheon mumbled just loud enough for the others to hear.

All at once there were shouts of shock and appallment as to why the actual hell he’d do that.

“I was hungry. What am I supposed to do, starve !?” Hoseok fought back just as frustrated.

“I don’t know ! Maybe not eat the strange flower growing because of the giant fucking heart in the mother fucking sky! What if you drop dead!” Kihyun shouts back almost lunging at Hoseok if he didn’t have an unusable knee.

“Yea but Kihyun hyung..” Minhyuk started softly, appearing next to Changkyun, his eyes also glued to Hoseok’s arm.

“I think the flower healed Hoseok’s arm.” Jooheon finished. Changkyun was now worried cause Jooheon was trembling like a leaf. He’d never seen Jooheon so scared. He understood though, he was also extremely worried about Hoseok hyung.

“The flower what?” Hyunwoo said softly, grunting as he looped his arm around Kihyun’s waist to lift him to where the three, now four, were standing. 

“Oh my god, what's that smell?” Hyunwoo mumbled setting Kihyun down to lean against him as Kihyun reaches for Hoseok’s arm.

“It’s the flowers,” Jooheon quietly told him.

“How did this happen!” Kihyun asked, running his fingers over the now smooth flesh of Hoseok’s arm.

“I ate the flower and now I’m like this,” Hoseok vacantly tells him. Still looking at his arm in confusion.

Kihyun drops his arm and immediately bends at the waist and snatches up a handful of flowers and shoved them into his mouth.

Hyunwoo shouts in shock, “No! You’re supposed to be the responsible one!”

Kihyun ignored him as he continued to chew, looking like he was ready to choke from the amount of flowers he shoved in his mouth. 

Quietly changkyun uncliped his canteen again and handed it over to Kihyun, who saluted in thanks. 

Everyone stared at Kihyun in wonder. His face looked a little red and his breathing was a little erratic. But after a few moments, he looked down at his leg and then back at Hyunwoo, before quickly bending and pulling Hyunwoo makeshift splint off his joint and jumping . Pumping his fist in joy.

“I can feel my leg again! Fucking finally! It’s been like three hours and that was three hours too fucking many. I never want to be that helpless again for fuck’s sake that was tiring,” Kihyun sighed leaning back into Hyunwoo again.

“This might be what we need to keep surviving this war,” Hyungwon said fanning himself, still looking at the heart. “We should take some back with us.”

“You’re right. Take as much as you can hold and let’s go back and see if we can find our lost ramyeon,” Hyunwoo ordered, bending to grab handfuls of flowers. 

“Aw Yea!” Hoseok clapped in excitement at getting the rest of the ramyeon.

“Shut up and hurry,” Kihyun chastised, stuffing flowers into every pocket he has.

Changkyun noticed as he wandered that in the areas where the flowers were thickest was where the strong smell was coming from. The thinner areas had such a light scent it was almost unnoticeable.

Everyone was busy filling their pockets, except for Jooheon, who was looking at the heart again, face pensive and inexplicably grim. Changkyun quickly moved over to him and starts stuffing his pockets as well. 

Flowers bulging from their pockets and hand they began to make their way back. Noticing Jooheon wasn’t next to him, Changkyun turned back to see Jooheon still standing in the same place. Still, as though all the life had drained out of him. 

Transferring his flowers to one arm he walked back to Jooheon to tug him forwards, trying to catch up with the others when, suddenly, the heart vanished into thin air. Taking the thumping with it. It was silent again and it seemed as though only they realized it, the others still blissfully unaware. No one else turned around to see what caused the disappearance of the consistent thumping that they had heard for hours. 

Trying to ignore the situation, Changkyun pulled Jooheon forward, snapping him back to reality. Jooheon smiled at him, but it felt all wrong. Fake, and emotionless. His eyes didn’t even squint up. He took some of the flowers off of Changkyun and walked to join the group.

“Come on Kyun, lets go.” His voice sounded dead.

Changkyun looked back at the sky again before beginning to walk. He wasn’t sure what had happened and what the heart and these flowers were about, but he had the feeling that things were —  absolutely — not what they seemed. 

___

Present or whatever 

___

 Hyunwoo sighed looking through the crack in the door. He had just finished talking to the doctor and things didn’t seem to be getting any better, if anything, they were getting worse. They were getting more and more sick everyday and the doctor couldn’t help with the resources he had. It didn’t feel real when the doctor gave him the price. 

Hyunwoo was certain that this doctor was asking for more money that the entire community, no, all of Seoul, had combined. 

Rubbing his hand down his face, he signed again. He thought he had lost all his attachments before the war had started and yet here he was. His most unlikely attachment costing him the most. How could he pay for them and take care of his boys. Entering the room Hyunwoo looks at the bed, he had to do something, he couldn’t just sit by. 

Pulling out the white balaclava, the one he always kept with him to remind him of the day he almost lost it all, lost his clan, from the back of his pants pocket, he heaved a sigh. He sat, rubbing his fingers over it. He risked it all to protect what was important to him, he wasn’t going to lose any one of them.

He’d just have to find out a solution. A get rich quick in a society that was getting poorer everyday. His construction job was not going to give him enough even if he worked there for sixteen years. Even if it was one of the most lucrative jobs they had to offer. Bunching the balaclava up in his hands, he sighs again, something he’d been doing a lot of. 

The thought of getting a loan crosses his mind. The Warden’s bank might be the only place that had enough money. However, no one who worked under the warden would give him a loan in this town. He was seen as a traitor, only kept alive thanks to Hyungwon. 

He could ask Changkyun if his parents wouldn’t mind helping him. They don’t hate him and Minhyuk could probably put in a good word, too. Shaking his head a bit, Hyunwoo pushed that thought away. He didn’t want them to know he’s struggling.

The only option was the bank but he had no clue how to convince any of them to help him. 

Unless-       

The sound of painful coughing erupted from the bed, pulling Hyunwoo from his thoughts . Shaking his head to clear his mind, Hyunwoo stood quickly, putting the balaclava away, he’ll figure out a solution later.

---

---

Hyunwoo paces in the alley way, looking left and right towards the empty streets next to him. He wasn’t proud of his solution for his sudden need of money but he had to do something. 

Someone cleared their voice next to him. Jumping at the sound, Hyunwoo whipped his head around. Standing behind him was a guy, a very young looking pretty guy, in a black short sleeve turtleneck, kinda pointless if you asked Hyunwoo but since no one was asking him he kept his mouth shut. He had a blue newsboy hat, with a black duffel bag thrown over his shoulder. The guy looked uncomfortably familiar but he couldn't place why. 

“You sure about this dude? Look kinda jumpy,” The guy asked raising an eyebrow at Hyunwoo.

“Yea… Yea I have too.” Hyunwoo breathed “I’m Hyunwoo by the way.”

“Honey.,” The guy said nonchalantly, swinging the bag over his shoulder.

“Ex-excuse me?” Hyunwoo questions, he was sure this guy wasn’t calling him that, it was way too soon for such endearment.

“My name,” the guy — Honey — said, “my name is Honey. I wasn’t talking about you.” Honey said before looking him up and down. “Unless you’re trying to be my honey, big guy.” He winked. Fucking winked.  

There was a moment of silence before Honey started laughing. Dimples popping out and catching Hyunwoo off guard. “I’m joking dude, calm down.” 

Clearing his throat, Hyunwoo tried to be chill, begging his ears to stop burning. 

“Right, so you got what I asked for?” Hyunwoo asked trying to sound like he knew what he was talking about, the crack in his voice proving otherwise.

“Yea, I got it,” Honey opened the duffel bag showing the handle of a nine millimeter glinting out at him. 

“Yeah, yeah okay thank you,” Hyunwoo rolls his shoulders trying to relieve the tension in them. “How muc- wait.”

Hyunwoo leans closer to the duffle when he sees something else shine from under the gun. Moving the top of the bag he sees another nine millimeter. 

“Dude what? I only asked for one gun?” Hyunwoo questioned taking a slight step back. Sure this Honey guy could be selling to someone else but it still made him nervous for some reason.

“Well, big boy, I doubt you would be able to pull this off yourself,” Honey said leaning against the wall eyeing Hyunwoo, it was weird. This was weird. 

“I can, I don't need your help.” Hyunwoo scoffed, he was nervous, he'd never done anything like this before but he couldn't drag anyone else into it too. 

“Look, I get it, you’re desperate. You’re in some kind of trouble, I presume, and just want to handle it. But, you don't give off the vibe that screams criminal activity.” Honey stated nonchalantly.

“What- what kind of vibe do I give off then?” Hyunwoo questioned, worried because if this guy can already sense how nervous he is then so will everyone else. It was ridiculous. He had led a militia in an anarchist rebellion for two years. Betrayed the military he had devoted so much of himself to. Killed men to save the lives of his own. Yet… these were civilians. Doing their job. Not a bunch of government dogs.

“You look like one of those big n’ beefy protein munchers before the war. Real big and pretty but couldn’t hurt a fly. Like the last time you held and shot a gun was during the war and it’s haunted you every night since,” Honey stated looking him directly in the eye like he saw into Hyunwoos soul. 

Hyunwoo shuddered slightly, remembering the times he was forced to shoot a gun with intent to kill. His time in his enlistment was so different from then, he had no need to shoot to kill then. But in the war, it was a kill or be killed situation and Hyunwoo couldn’t afford to die and leave the rest of the X-Clan alone. But the images, the way the bodies fell, the way the gun sounded firing, the absent stare in their eyes, haunts him… it still kept him up at night. 

“You definitely don’t give off a big beefy, delicious, and dangerous vibe.” Honey straightens, taking a step forward, “I’m offering you help because I want to. Not because I have to. You don’t seem like a person who can shoot someone if whatever you have planned failed.”

Honey was once again right, the lives he was forced to take still visit him. Mock him. He could never pull the trigger on a person even with intent to harm. Not like this. But he couldn’t just do nothing, he couldn't let anything happen to him when he still had the others, the Clan, to take care of. 

Honey was offering him help — help that could be the deciding factor of walking out with money or being killed on the spot.

Taking a deep breathe Hyunwoo considered his options.  

“I don’t want- wait, did you just call me delicious?” Hyunwoos eyebrows shot up as his mind finally processed what Honey had said. He could feel his ears warm, shocked he’s reacting like this. But delicious is not how he’d describe himself.

“Took you a while there, beef stack.” Honey chuckled, eyes crinkling, deep dimples on display again. For some reason that made Hyunwoo’s ears even warmer. “ But please continue with your statement, what don’t you want?”  

Willing the heat from his face once again, Hyunwoo took a moment to collect his thoughts before starting again.

“I just don't want to owe you too,” Hyunwoo said because truly help is not something he would mind. He’d love the help, especially since this Honey guy seemed to know what he’s doing and wasn't afraid to do it. 

“I don’t want to do all this just to have a marker over my head for someone to cash in later.” Hyunwoo looked down at the rock he was kicking, he really didn’t need this to follow him, for the guys to ask questions or get in trouble because of him. They did that enough on their own.

“You wouldn’t owe me a thing”

“Huh” Hyunwoo’s head pops up looking at Honey, confused.

“For you, free of charge. I don't need anything, but there's something about you that screams ‘help me.’ So, let me help you.” Honey took a step forward, a small smile on his face. 

Hyunwoo had too much to gamble here, he couldn’t let anything happen to him. On his own Hyunwoo knew he would get caught, which he couldn’t let happen. He had people depending on him. He had a broken family to hold together, a casualty to keep alive. Even in the shit circumstances, he had to get away with this, he had too much to live for. 

Besides, Kihyun would kill him if he so much as caught wind of this. If he got killed, he knew he’d be brought back just so Kihyun could drop kick him into hell himself.

 A quick nod of his head was all Honey needed to wrap and arm around Hyunwoo’s shoulder. 

“Okay, tell me the plan.” Honey said arm tightening around Hyunwoo shoulder for a second.

Standing up a little straighter and lifting Honey off the ground a bit from where he’d been already standing on his tiptoes to reach his position, Hyunwoo took a shaky breath. For the first time since he came up with the plan, since he contacted Honey to purchase a gun, he felt like maybe he could do this.   

“Well…” 

Chapter Text

---

The last stand

---

It was a shitstorm. 

The authorities must have managed to get a generator running because after two years of no power they had access to the locked stores of firearms and explosives.

For the X-Clan, running on scarce bullets and ramyeon, they were well and thoroughly fucked.

When they had first heard explosions in the distance, it hadn’t seemed real. Too cataclysmic. Too much of an overkill for it to be possible.

Then the runners came.

The other renegade settlements and rebel groups who had been found first sent messengers to warn everyone they could reach. The authorities had access to their stores of ammunition and they were pulling no punches.

It was only a matter of time before the X-Clan was found.

They had less than a day to evacuate their sick and starved wards into the mountains. Their instructions were simple, wait out the fighting, return and give no affiliation. Beg to be given mercy. 

Because there was no winning this.

But the seven of them that could fight refused to surrender. 

Instead of waiting in their hideout, they took to the empty streets of the city, hiding in shells of buildings to snipe as many enemies as they could. 

Their opponents were quick to bring out their grenades, and it quickly went to hell.

They got separated somehow, scattered over a city block and evading more than fighting. Seeking cover where they could and avoiding the debris. A few random soldiers from other camps had joined the firefight, far more brazen and stupid a lot of the time, and were hell bent on unloading all of their ammo on the line of enemies.

Minhyuk was down to three bullets. 

Something had hit his head, not hard enough to knock him out, but he swayed, blood trickling into his eye. The soot and ash, dyed red from the fires, hung ghastly in the air. He sputtered and coughed, stumbling to find cover. He reached into his vest and pulled out a single blue flower.

He only had the one left. The rest that they had brought back had been used on the worst of their sick and injured. But they had each left for the fight with one on their person, just in case. Just in case they could be saved.

He found a spot of reprieve behind a building and leaned heavily on the wall, panting, squinting through one eye as blood stung the other.

He looked up to see if the coast was clear and saw his world fall apart.

Hyungwon.

With two military goons on his tail, he slid behind a decrepit taxi and raised his gun to fire through the open windows. He got two shots in, one landing a hit on the soldier in front and taking him out easy.

When the other raised their gun to fire back, Minhyuk watched as Hyungwon’s gun clicked empty.

Cursing, he swung his own rifle around, aiming, and firing. 

It landed and took out the guy’s shoulder.

Hyungwon’s head whipped around, a wide, relieved smile on his face when he saw his would be savior.

Minhyuk hesitated, thrown by such a bright smile at such a shitty time. It was just enough time for the enemy soldier to reach inside his vest.

Frantic, Minhyuk lifted his gun and fired once, missed…

One more shot.

He fired.

It landed.

But the grenade flew.

He screamed as he was hit with debris, the explosion too far to burn him, but close enough he felt the heat.

When it subsided, as quick as it came, his ears rang, casting the whole stretch of the street in silence.

Hyungwon lay prone on the street, blood oozing down his face much like Minhyuk’s.

But the difference was in his stillness.

Scrambling, panicked and desperate, Minhyuk threw his emptied rifle to the side as he sprinted to his friend. One of his fucking leader in all this shit. His goddamn partner.

He slid in the debris, probably fucking up his knees through the worn and soiled uniform.

“Won,” he breathed, but he couldn’t hear the words leave his mouth. Grabbing Hyungwon’s face between his palms he spoke louder, “Hyungwon. Won, god, please say something.” 

He leaned his head in close to hear past the ringing in his ear. The slightest, most strained puff of breath hit the shell of his ear..

“Fuck,” Minhyuk rushed, clumsy and frantic and probably yelling, to scoop Hyungwon into his arms. “We need cover. We can’t stay in the open. Stay with me, god, stay with me.”

On pure adrenaline, he lifted him out of the rubble and hauled him to an overpass nearby. It was ravaged, chunks of the street piled up beneath the bridge, but the dust had settled. No one would be coming back here. 

Propping Hyungwon against a slab of cement, Minhyuk took his face back in his hands. Hand wet from the blood matted into Hyungwon’s hair. 

“Won, you still with me?” He asked, forcing hysteria back. He was met with silence. “Come on, come on, give me something!”

A heavy exhale. Shaking. Pained. But his eyes wouldn’t open. Head injury aside, Minhyuk has no clue what injuries laid beneath his uniform. Under the skin. Scenarios of punctured organs flashed through his mind. Hopeless.

He checked Hyungwon’s pulse with shaking fingers. It was so weak, so unsteady, he nearly fell to the ground right then. 

Hyungwon was dying.

Fast.

Tears sprung to his eyes, spilling over before he even noticed them pooling. There was no one he could call, nothing he could do. 

Then he remembered.

The flower.

Fuck, where did he put it.

He patted his vest, checking the inside pocket he had kept it stashed but it was empty. Empty.

He searched the area. Then he remembered how quickly he had had to discharge his rifle. He must have dropped it then.

He never ran so fast in his life. Even as he stumbled against his own head injury, the ringing still strong in his ears, he made it back to the wall he had leaned on.

There, in the dust from the explosion, was the flower. Bright among the ash.

He snatched it up, nearly brained himself against the wall when he lost balance, and rushed back to the overpass. Tripping and falling before his friend’s still body. 

He brought his hand to Hyungwon’s pulse once again. He had to really put pressure to feel anything, but it was there. Barely.

“Come on, Won,” he coaxed, sliding his hand up to his jaw and squeezing. Hyungwon’s mouth fell open. “I just need you to swallow for me, yeah?” His voice cracked with tears as he brought the flower to his lips, pushed his mouth closed around it, and waited with his hand on his throat.

He felt the swallow and sagged in relief. 

“It’s gonna be okay,” Minhyuk breathed, the sound a whisper in his skull, eyes closing, leaning forward until his forehead was pressed against his chest. He could feel the small, weak beating of his heart. “It’s gonna be—.”

The beating stopped. 

His eyes flew open. He swallowed hard against the dryness and dust in his throat. A headache from his tears forming fast. The ringing pitching into silence.

It was silent.

He lifted his head, raised his hand back to Hyungwon’s pulse, and pressed. Hoped.

But there was nothing.

“Won.” He took his face in both hands, a bit rough in budding hysteria. “Won.” He slapped his cheek. Hyungwon’s head lulled. Deadweight. “Hyungwon!”

He shook him. He screamed. His voice went raw. 

He screamed at him to wake up. 

Begged.

But the flower.

The fucking flower was supposed to work.

Minhyuk felt his whole world fall apart. Felt his heart shatter and his mind collapse with the explosions in the distance. 

But he wouldn’t wake up.

Hyungwon was dead.

---

Present

---

Hoseok jumped out of his skin, but miraculously, didn’t fall into a flashback when the door slammed open and bounced against the wall. Maybe because it was Minhyuk who stormed through their bedroom door, and Minhyuk was his greatest source of comfort. His giant puppy. The absolute cutest—

Then he saw that his big puppy was red eyed and practically foaming at the mouth.

“I’m going to fucking kill him.”

Gulping, Hoseok greeted him, “uh, welcome home?”

Minhyuk threw the door closed, it slammed louder, rattling the window, and Hoseok jumped again, breathing slowly to calm himself. He couldn’t ask Minhyuk to stop or else he would illicit questions he couldn’t answer. So he silently prayed he was done slamming things.

He went to the small closet they shared and dug through it, finding the trash bag they kept hidden away. 

Hoseok frowned hard as Minhyuk pulled out the white balaclavas from the day they were almost executed.

“Er, Minhyuk…” 

“You’re sneaking out of work tomorrow. After lunch time. Make sure of it.” He threw the balaclava onto the unused bed on the other side of the room before stripping out of his day clothes.

Just a little apprehensive towards the symbols of their utter failure being thrown out in the open, his eyes flicked between the masks and Minhyuk’s bare skin.

“I am…?”

“Yeah. You’re gonna help me kill the Warden.”

Hoseok choked on his own spit.

While he coughed and suffered, Minhyuk stripped down to his boxers and grabbed a large T-shirt that was most definitely Hoseok’s. 

“The Warden ?” He panted when he finally stopped dying. “Minhyuk you know I hate the guy too, but you look serious and I don’t think—.”

“I am serious.” Minhyuk walked to their bedside table, shirt thrown over his shoulder, to where they kept the pack of baby wipes from the stock he and Hyunwoo had salvaged a few weeks back. He began to wipe his face down. His scalp, neck, arms, lifting his arms and wiping his body down too. The wipe was blackened with soot at the end of it. He grabbed the pack and tossed it to Hoseok, sitting down heavily on the bed in front of him so he could get his back.

“Kihyun called today,” Minhyuk started as Hoseok pulled a clean wipe from the pack and began to wipe the airborne grime from his back. “He risked his tail to call me about gossip. Kihyun of all people. And he tells me to check on Hyungwon.” He sniffs. “So I went at lunch time. And let me tell you Hoseok, I’ve never seen him so- so fucking—.”

He took a long, steadying breath as he visibly struggled to calm down. Quietly, Hoseok reached for a fresh wipe and began to piece apart strands of Minhyuk’s damaged, blond hair. Stripping away the dirt as he waited. 

“I’ve never seen him so beat up, Hoseok, it was…” Hoseok heard him swallow, felt his frame shake. “It was the worst I’ve ever seen him, and I watched him- I watched him die.” 

From the sound of it, Hoseok could tell he was crying. Without a word, he tossed the soiled wipes away and pulled Minhyuk backwards into his arms. Wrapping him up tightly in his embrace as they both struggled and failed to keep the memory away. It was hard. He could hear the fire fight. Smell the ash and soot. Hear the screams. He could hear them as though Minhyuk was in hysterics right then as he leaned back into Hoseok’s chest. The sound echoing through the overpass tunnel. 

“Fuck,” Minhyuk cursed, lifting his hand to rub at his face. “Why is shit so messed up? It’s like. It’s like he came back but he’s stuck. Like he’s here but his soul hasn’t made it back with him.” 

Hoseok nodded with his chin pressed into Minhyuk’s shoulder, squeezing him harder. A comfort for both of them. 

“I’m killing that fucker, I swear I am,” Minhyuk whispered. “Why the fuck would Hyungwon’s soul return to abuse like that? How is he ever supposed to come back to us with that crazy bastard living with him?”

Resigning himself in his own silent hatred, anger, sadness, Hoseok asked, “what’s your plan?”

Minhyuk chuckled but it sounded watery. “I’m gonna blow ‘im up,” he whispered, “Changkyun is already in on it. When I told him I wanted to toast his ass, the kid came up with a whole plan. He’s fucking terrifying sometimes, man.”

He huffed out a laugh. “You’re cursing more than Won used to,” he teased, “careful or Kihyun might feel threatened and declare war.”

“Let ‘im,” Minhyuk sniffed, he turned over and cuddled back into Hoseok, throwing an arm over his broad chest as they laid back. “It would do him good to let out some of that pent up fury. He’s too small for it, he’ll pop one day.”

“Hyunwoo would be so sad.”

“So sad.”

In the room next to them, someone banged their fist against the wall. 

“ Yah! I fucking hear you talking shit in there!”

They both made a face, raising their heads to look at the wall, then each other. 

And promptly burst into laughter. That kind that doesn’t really fit the mood but is healing all the same. And they laughed.

And laughed.

Until Kihyun banged on the wall again and told them to shut the hell up.

Stifling laughter, Hoseok pulled himself up enough to reach for the battery powered lantern they kept as their lamp. It clicked off throwing the room into darkness.

He felt Minhyuk pulling himself closer and lips pressed against his neck. 

Not even minutes later, Minhyuk was asleep, and Hoseok was left awake. Staring at the ceiling. Willing away the panic that came with the thought of sleeping.

——

The last stand 

___

He was running through freshly fallen rubble, barely keeping his footing as the newly fallen chunks rattled loose under his footfalls. Explosions sounded out behind him. He was just out of the blast range, watching chunks of buildings skitter past him as he sought cover. 

Rounding a street corner, empty rifle little more than a glorified club in hand, he searched for reprieve. Another explosion. A ground shaking rumble. And he turned to watch an entire building collapse.

Fuck, he wouldn’t be out of the hot zone for long if he stayed in the open. 

He managed to weave through city blocks, sprinting as much as his body would let him, until he came across an overpass. Beneath the bridge, the rubble seemed settled, as though the fighting had since moved on from the area.

Hoseok felt a stroke of relief thinking that perhaps he could lay low and catch his breath for just a moment.

Then he heard the screaming cries that echoed from the tunnel.

The momentary safe haven quickly became his own personal hell when he saw the two slumped figures on the opposite opening. One still as death. The other screaming.

He froze at the opening, staring at the uniforms he knew all too well. The white was soiled beyond what could be helped but he knew them.

And he knew those two figures. Warped as they were in that moment, he could never mistake them.

Minhyuk was wailing, his voice cracked from the exertion and grief, curled into Hyungwon’s still chest. His fists gripped the shredded uniform, shaking, desperate.

“Min…” Hoseok felt his stomach churn, a rock dropping like a free weight from his throat to the bottom of his gut, “Minhyuk…” 

Any grace he had moved with before was gone as he became a stumbling mess, making his way to the two. 

He could barely make out what was said through the intelligible hysterics but one thing was obvious: Hyungwon was dead.

Hands shaking, he reached for Minhyuk. “Hey,” his voice cracked, “Minhy-.”

With a horrible shout Minhyuk thrashed out as though the touch hurt. 

“Stay away from him!”

Behind them, the explosions got closer. He could hear the shouts of ally rebels warning of an approaching onslaught. Turning to look over his shoulder, he saw five unknown soldiers bearing the mark of a fellow clan flee past the opening. Not far behind them, an armored tank bulldozed down the rubble strewn streets.

“Fuck,” he cursed, “Fuck, Minhyuk, we have to-.”

He reached out to shake the man again only to nearly get hit in the face. Slurred protests and threats met his words. 

“No. No, you can’t have him you can’t—.”

Hoseok did his best to shut it out. Refusing to look too closely at Hyungwon’s slackened face. He closed his eyes, forced down every shred of sympathy in that moment, and steeled himself.

“We have to move,” he said, feeling the ice in his own voice. With all his strength, he managed to get a hold on Minhyuk’s waist from the back, restraining him in his arm, he lifted him from the ground.

“No!” Minhyuk wailed in his ear. “No no no don’t leave him no!”

His heart fucking broke. He knew. He knew he was unlikely to get them both out if he didn’t leave then. But he couldn’t go through with it. He couldn’t leave the body behind. It felt like sin to leave behind a fellow soldier. But it felt like the greatest blasphemy to leave behind Hyungwon of all people.

Without much room for delicacy, he managed to keep Minhyuk’s thrashing restrained in one arm before gripping Hyungwon by the front of his shirt and heaving. He threw him over his opposite shoulder like he was carrying anything other than a man he’d lay his own life down for. It couldn’t be helped. The less he thought about it the better.

Despite that they were all moving together now, Minhyuk seemed unaware of the change, screaming his grief into Hoseok’s right ear. Sobbing. Begging not to leave their other third behind. 

By then he could hear the grinding of the tank making its way towards them. He had no idea if it could see them yet, but he had no room to be stealthy. Not that Minhyuk’s wailing allowed for subtly to begin with. 

So he booked it. Grateful that he excelled in agility courses so much that he was specifically trained for it during his enlistment by the very army he fought now. Because of it, he managed to make his way through the rubble despite the circumstances. 

It wasn’t enough. He wasn’t fast enough. Wasn’t careful enough. Because he heard the tell-tale firing of the tank’s turrets. He had just cleared the corner of a building when the wall was blasted, sending him careening, all three bodies tumbling as dust clouded the air and bits of the brick pelted them. 

Just when he thought nothing could get worse, he picked himself up only to find Minhyuk unconscious, his body splayed on the ground. It was eerie, seeing him and Hyungwon so still on the destroyed pavement, it had Hoseok shivering as he repressed the utter fear he felt in that moment. Too many fears to parse through. Too much. If he tried to put a name to everything he was worried about there would be no way he could make it through. 

He had to. Before the tank launched another blast at the building. He had to have faith that Minhyuk could survive a nasty hit to the head. When they got to a safe spot, he would shove his last flower down his throat if he had to. 

It was unfortunate that both Hyungwon and Minhyuk were both taller than him, he had to resort to throwing one over each shoulder to keep moving. 

Thankfully, there was no such thing as an agile tank, so as long as he kept turning down random streets, he would eventually be fine.

And he was.

He made it to the rendezvous point. Where they had all agreed to meet if things got ugly and they got separated. And, well, things were more than ugly. 

Hoseok had to kick the door to get through with the loads he was caring, the resounding bang clearly unwelcomed by the one keeping watch. Hyunwoo immediately made his way over when he realized who had intruded, his face paling at the two bodies Hoseok carried. It was the inside of a doctor’s office, cleared out of all supplies and anything useful, but there were enough rooms to hide in and at least send any invaders on a bit of a hunt.

“Get him a flower,” he all but demanded, shuffling Minhyuk off his shoulder and into Hyunwoo’s waiting hold. He kept the body over his shoulder, legs still dangling in front so he wouldn’t have to look at his face. 

Motioning to follow him, he brought them back to one of the exam rooms where the others were waiting. “There’s no flowers left, Hoseok,” he murmured. “Not unless you still have yours.”

It was cramped in the room, and a sweating, pained looking Kihyun was occupying the exam table. 

The others were distracted by Hyunwoo, lowering Minhyuk into one of the chairs against the wall. None of them registered the robotic way Hoseok moved behind him. Unsure where to put the body he had.

By that point, Minhyuk was groaning, slowly trudging his way back to consciousness. He wanted to voice out that he needed help. He didn’t know what to do right then. But his mouth wouldn’t work. He felt like he was watching the scene through someone else’s eyes. 

Someone was speaking, someone was crying. 

Hyunwoo moved in front of him, hands raising to grip his face and slap his cheeks a little. Snapping him out of it. 

It felt like he was zapped back to his body and he shuddered.

Oh.

He was the one crying.

“Hoseok, hey,” he wiped his tears with all the gentleness of a war hardened leader. In other words, his calloused thumbs were rough against his heat bitten cheeks. “What happened out there?”

His eyes kept flicking to the way Hoseok was still holding the body like it wasn’t even there. When Hyunwoo reached to take it from him, he felt his arm tighten. 

If no one else noticed. If no one else said it. Then it wouldn’t be real. 

“Hoseok.” Hyunwoo’s tone was wary. There was something about it he didn’t like. “Why don’t you put Hyungwon down. When he wakes up, I don’t think he’ll appreciate all the blood in his head.”

The words sunk in slowly. The floor began to shake. 

He panicked. Why was the floor shaking? Was it the tank? Did it find them?

“Fuck Hoseok, what the hell?” He heard the words, meeting Jooheon’s eyes as he came around to stand beside Hyunwoo. “You’re shaking like a leaf, man. What’s wrong with Hyungwon, huh? Why won’t you put him down.”

“Jooheon,” Kihyun’s voice cracked raw from across the room, as he breathed through whatever pain he was in. “Don’t— don’t push him…”

Changkyun looked as ill as Hoseok felt. 

When Hosoek didn’t move, Jooheon did, reaching to take the body from him and he flinched hard, his spine connecting with the door frame. There was another thunk that he decided not to think about. 

“Fuck, Hoseok watch where—.”

Jooheon’s reprimand was cut off by muttering behind him. They turned to where Minhyuk was just barely holding himself up, slumped in the chair like he had no life left in him. His eyes looked vacant as he blinked slowly, unevenly. Whatever he had said had them all frozen.

“What did you say?” Hyunwoo tried. 

Hoseok watched Minhyuk’s lips move. Cursing. It was easier before to pretend that it was all a byproduct of his hysteria, but now that Minhyuk was coherent, his words meant reality. 

Changkyun finally got sick into the old biohazard bin.

“He’s dead.”

---

Now

---

It was just after the golden hour and the world was washed out in grey. They had slipped away from work to get what they needed for their plan some hours ago. Now it was just a matter of execution. 

Changkyun had helped them salvage barrels of gasoline from where his parents kept a store for the generators. He and Minhyuk both were lugging smaller five-liter cartons in each hand while Hoseok had volunteered for the heavy lifting. They ducked into the alley of two shelled out buildings, setting the cartons on the floor. 

Minhyuk watched as Hoseok shifted, a healthy bulk having returned to his physique since the war and threatening to rip through his sweaty t-shirt when he placed the barrel on the ground. Maybe the amount they had was overkill, but the same could be said for the Warden’s “discipline” as far as Minhyuk was concerned.

“We have an hour before they leave for mess all,” Minhyuk voiced, leaning out to peek at the buildings. “Kihyun said their dinner hour is at sundown but the Warden tends to come late. Something about avoiding last night’s leftovers.”

Changkyun rolled his eyes so hard Hoseok looked worried for a moment. 

“So, if we time it right, we can avoid casualties,” Hoseok said, scooting to sit on top of the barrel. He looked towards Changkyun who was finally done with his silent sassing. “How do we do this? Do you have a plan or…?”

“The plan,” Minhyuk started, leaning around the corner of the alley to peak at the government building. It wasn’t anything grand, just an old factory type of building they were able to hook up to the grid without rerouting any lines or having to repair any broken connections. It was four stories tall, set in the side of a hill, and not as guarded as they thought it would be. “Is to soak that barrel, stick it under the Warden’s ass, and light it up.” He turned back to look at them both, splaying his hands like an explosion and giving it sound effects in a quiet “boooooosh!”

Hoseok squinted at him, a smile threatening on his lips. “How do you expect we do that and not get fried then? Hm?” He finally relents and laughs, grabbing Minhyuk’s jazz-explosion hands and shaking them a bit.

“We’ll leave a trail,” he explained, “We can light it from the outside and let it make its way up.”

“That sounds better,” Hoseok said, smile turning softer the longer they kept eye contact. “I’d prefer to pull this off without toasting ourselves.” He waved Minhyuk’s hands around some more, “All that bleached hair — it would go up so easily.”

“Oh, yeah? And whose idea was it to go blonde? In this economy?”

“If I remember correctly it was—,” He released one of Minhyuk’s hands to lift a finger and boop his nose, “—you!”

“Me?!” Minhyuk scoffed, scandalized, snatching Hoseok’s hand back to intertwine their fingers and prevent anymore booping. “You were the one who brought it back!”

“Yeah, and I said I wanted to wait until I found conditioner,” he laughed, “You’re lucky we’re not bald.”

Minhyuk tilted his head, swaying their hands between them. “You think I can’t rock a bald head?”

He watched as Hoseok’s face started to crumple in a poor attempt not to laugh. “I th-think,” he licked his lips, still struggling, “You’d look great bald.”

“You’re lying to me, but that’s okay, ‘cause I know the truth and the truth is that would just be too much skin for you.”

“Too much—?!” Hoseok cut himself off, sucking both lips between his teeth as his eyes turned to crescents in badly restrained laughter. It was cute — that special brand of cute that only he could pull off, where suddenly all that solid muscle was just added fluff to the way his cheeks squished up and  his entire self would just sort of turn into a marshmallow. He leaned forward a bit, nearly falling off the barrel if not for Minhyuk’s hold on his hands, and eventually lost the battle with himself and laughed. Slowly, Minhyuk felt his own lips turn into a smile, unable to help himself.

From their side, the heard someone clear their throat. 

Oh shit, that’s right. 

He turned to look at Changkyun, Hoseok, red in the face, following his lead and looking just a tad bit abashed by the way he tried to suck his laughter back in. And failed miserably.

Changkyun just looked at them, eyebrow raised and face stoic in that way that makes him look like the oldest instead of the youngest of their friends. Arms crossed, he frowned a bit, unfolding one arm to gesture to the building before flicking his wrist around. “Boom.” He said. Reminding them.

Minhyuk coughed. Right, not the time to get cuddly. They had a building to blow up and a Warden to kill. 

Reluctantly, his let his fingers untangle from Hoseok’s sliding away and shifting his weight to lean for the cartons of gasoline. “Let’s, uh,” he waves his hand a bit, feeling the back of his neck heat up as Hoseok raises a teasing brow at him too — the fucker. “Let’s do this, yeah?”

---

---

The dinner rush had just ebbed away and the cooks were prepping the next round of food for when the Warden inevitably came late. Funny, he complained about them serving leftovers, but they wouldn’t have to if he didn’t make them whip up a fresh batch after everyone else already ate. They couldn’t afford food waste and he insisted on a fresh meal for himself and his little ring of cohorts.

But he was late. Figures. Kihyun wasn’t looking forward to trying to reheat his dinner without a microwave.

While he and the other food liners waited for the asshole to finally show, Kihyun slipped outside for some fresh air. Grease mixed with the must that seemed to hang in the air these days was a terrible combination. He could feel the layer of oil on his skin and he desperately wished for a good cleansing cream. Maybe he could ask Hyunwoo to try and find something — an exfoliant preferably. They’d been roughing it for so long, he missed the feeling of his skin being clean.

Taking a deep breath of the fresh — albeit dusty — air, he slid down to sit on one of the empty crates behind the building. 

He hated his job. He hated how they treated him. He wished they’d have let him join the other men in the rebuilding. Even scavenging would have been better, he would be good at that. 

But no. He’d always be an invalid in the eyes of the people around here, even though the injury had long healed.

Sometimes he could feel it all over again, the fear, the pain, the numbness. It made his skin itch in that way it did when he first felt sensation again. When he was so aware of all the nerve endings that had been destroyed flaring back to life and even his own blood flow felt like a million bugs crawling under his skin. He scratched at his legs, shivering, craving the sweetness that made it all go away. 

But they hadn’t found the flower again. They hadn’t had time. 

He wondered if he could afford another day off soon. Maybe if he asked the others enough they could combine credits and—.

BOOM!

The ground quaked, the building shook, more dust was dislodged into the air and he startled. Above the next building, he saw the flames roar into the sky, turning the night a bright red.

He leapt off the crate and jogged out of the back alleyway to see what was going on. The second he saw the government building in flames, smaller explosions erupting every few seconds, his jaw dropped. In the back of his mind, a conversation, muffled by a thin wall, replayed in his head. 

Minhyuk.

Kihyun pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. 

Shit was about to get interesting.