Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

PART ONE: Freedom

As the new kid and his daemon walked through the halls, everyone’s eyes were on the daemon. She was unexpectedly large and fierce and unusual to see within the city limits.

A large orange tiger with perfect black stripes along her flanks, her bright green eyes looked around as if she’d bite anyone’s ankles if they came too close.

But Matteo could only see the boy. Dark floppy hair, perfect eyebrows, earphones around his neck, and shoulders hunched as if it could hide him. As if he didn’t want to be seen.

Matteo saw him.

“Oh dear,” Stella said into his ear from her perch on Matteo’s shoulder. Her ferret whiskers tickled his cheek. “Oh dear.”

Matteo backed up against the wall, eyes on the boy as he and the tiger daemon stalked passed. The boy’s eyes raised and he stared right at Matteo, their gaze locking for what felt like only a second, or maybe eternity, before he looked away again.

Matteo watched as he and the daemon turned the corner, and a warmth flushed through his body as the boy sent one last glance over his shoulder before disappearing down the hall.

“What I meant,” Stella said, “was oh shit.”

**

“Don’t be a dumbass,” Stella said from the tabletop, reading Matteo’s open textbook. He slumped over, so his head was resting on his arm, and she patted his cheek. “Clearly the babies have to eat the dead mom! How else are the baby spiders going to survive without her?”

“Stop being gross,” Matteo said to her.

“It’s science!” Stella said. “And you’re gross, gross-boy.”

He poked at her side. “Shut up.”

“Would you both pay attention?” Amira snapped at them.

“How likely is that?” Abasi, her sleek black cat daemon said primly to Amira from where he sat at the corner edge of the table. Amira snorted in affirmation.

Amira once told him that Abasi meant stern, or serious, in Egyptian, and Matteo thought it was a perfect name her daemon. A person’s daemon didn’t tend to talk to other humans, unless they were close, and Matteo definitely didn’t fall into that category with Abasi. Probably because he didn’t pay attention as much as he should to, well, anything, by either Amira or Abasi’s standards.

Daemons were more likely to interact amongst themselves, though Stella wasn’t particularly talkative with anyone lately, daemon or not, who wasn’t Matteo.

“And don’t forget about the meeting on Friday,” Amira said, apropos to absolutely fucking nothing.

Matteo rolled his eyes, and Stella groaned.

“You promised,” Amira said, pointing her pen at Matteo.

He sat up in his chair, stretching his legs in front of him and shrugged. “Come on. You didn’t really mean it.”

“I did. And bring your boys. Payment for me dragging you through these study sessions.”

He rolled his eyes again. “You have got to be kidding me.”

“Nope,” she said. She tapped his textbook at the corner. Stella flinched away. “Can we please focus for twenty more minutes and get through this chapter? Work with me here, Matteo.”

He sighed. “Fine.” He scooped up Stella and put her up on his shoulder. She draped herself around his neck like a scarf like she usually did, her tail tucked up tight so it couldn’t be seen. He felt himself being watched by Abasi, likely judgmentally, and tried not to take it personally. He put the cap of his pen between his teeth and pulled his book closer.

They were almost through when someone walked by their table.

“David,” Amira said. “Hi!”

Matteo glanced up and saw the new boy next to their table, his tiger daemon tall enough that her head was above the level of the table and she glared at each of them in turn.

“Hey,” David said, nodding at Amira. He glanced at Matteo and the corner of his mouth lifted a tiny bit in greeting. Matteo smiled back but then the pen lid he had been gnawing on fell out of his mouth, and his arms flailed as he tried to catch it. Stella snickered into his ear like a jerk.

“Are you able to make the meeting on Friday?” Amira asked.

David nodded, and pushed aside the little lock of hair sticking out from beneath his beanie. “Yeah. Sure.”

“Look forward to seeing you there.” Amira pointed to Matteo with her pen. “Matteo and I were just talking about it. He’ll be there too.”

Matteo gave a half smile and a shrug, still not committing but reconsidering everything in his life up to this point, and beyond.

“Cool,” David said. He turned back to Amira. “See you there.”

“For sure.”

David smiled sort of awkwardly, glanced at Matteo again, then turned to leave. “Jasmine,” he said softly, “come.”

Matteo assumed that was the tiger daemon’s name, because she glared at all of them once more, and followed David further back into the library. But not before the end of her tail smacked Abasi upside the head. The pure black cat hissed in Jasmine’s direction.

Stella scrambled down Matteo’s arm to the table. She stopped a few inches from Abasi. “Now that,” she said, with a boldness he hadn’t seen for a while, “is a cat.” She laughed as she scrambled backwards from Abasi’s swiping paw.

Amira shut her textbook. “We’re done here.”

Abasi immediately jumped down from the table, clearly agreeing.

Once Amira was out of the library, Matteo scooped Stella up and held her out in front of him, one hand holding her slim torso up under her forearms. Her long body dangled down, exposing her belly and its three long scars, a recent development she hated anyone seeing. She also disliked the feeling of falling, or potentially falling, so he cupped her butt with his other hand to give her support, folding her in to relieve anxiety about both those things.

“You little shit,” he said, fondly, proud of her. He held her closer to his face and she rubbed the end of her nose against his, and licked it, then squirmed so he put her back on his shoulder. She scrambled down into the hood against his back, a convenient way to carry her around.

He gathered up his books and belongings. He looked deeper into the library but didn’t catch sight of David or his tiger daemon, so he followed Amira and Abasi out. She didn’t seem pissed at him, which was good, so he did a little fist bump in parting, and headed home.

**

“Leonie likes the new guy in PE,” Sara said.

Matteo looked up from his mobile, and his heart sank. He knew where this was going.

They were sitting on his bed together, each paying attention to their own mobiles but just hanging out. Stella was hiding in his hood, and Sara’s daemon, a rabbit named Velten, sat next to her on the bed.

He liked hanging out with Sara. He liked her, he did. She was fun and friendly—the only problem was, he didn’t think they were on the same page at all. Stella told him it was all his fault, because they’d kissed those few times when they were partying and drunk together, and even went out on a date. Stella also told him to grow some balls and deal with it, soon, so no one got hurt.

He hated when she was so right. And he hated when he had no idea what to do about it.

“Which one?” Matteo asked, already knowing. How many new kids were there this close to abi?

Sara held out her mobile, and showed a picture on her Instagram. He’d seen it, earlier, was surprised to see a picture of David on it. He’d already opened it to view it three times that day. And possibly took a screenshot.

“David,” Sara said. “I wonder if he has a girlfriend.”

Matteo had been wondering that too. Or a boyfriend. He shrugged. “No idea.”

“Do you know him?”

“No, not really. Met him once,” Matteo said. “His locker is by mine, I think.”

Matteo didn’t think. He knew. He’d seen David at it four times this week alone, but had noticed him for weeks, and still hadn’t had the courage to go over and say something. What would he say? They’d never said a word to each other before.

“Cool. We need to find this out for her.” Sara sat up from the wall, and put her mobile down. “I think we need to find out about us, too.”

Here it was. It was coming, and Matteo didn’t know what to say. “What do you mean?”

“I—it’s just. I was wondering.” She bit her lower lip. “We’ve been hanging out. And at those parties—I was just wondering. Are we together?”

Matteo fell silent for a minute. Stella poked out of his hood, put her nose behind his ear, and whispered. “Tell her.” She scratched her tiny nails against his sensitive skin and he twitched. Stella said firmly, into his mind, “Balls,” and it was all he could do not to laugh.

But she was right.

“I—I like you, Sara,” he said, and she beamed. He felt like absolute shit. “But not like that.”

Her face fell. “But—you kissed me.”

Technically, Sara had kissed him and he didn’t stop her, and kissed her back. Because, for a brief moment, he thought: maybe. Maybe I can do this.

Stella called him a moronic jackass after that party. And the next. And really gave it to him after the date.

“Yes,” he said. “But I think—listen, this is going to sound dumb, but it’s me. Not you, okay? You’re awesome and I’d like to be your friend. But...”

“Not more than that,” she said, hurt. Her hand came to rest lightly on Velten’s head, who was sitting up on his hind legs now, alert.

“I’m sorry,” Matteo offered. He didn’t think it would help much. The silence between them became heavy. “Do you want to—watch a movie with me?”

She stared at him, then shook her head. “No. No, I think I should go.”

“Okay.” He wasn’t about to stop her. She probably needed space. Hopefully she didn’t hate him. Hopefully she didn’t tell David that she hated him.

She got off the bed and Velten followed, quickly hopping to the door.

“Can we hang out sometime?” Matteo asked before she left.

She paused, hand on the doorknob. “I don’t know.”

He nodded. That was fair. “Okay.”

“Bye, Matteo,” she said, still sounding hurt.

After she left, he stretched out on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. Stella crawled up onto his chest, sprawling out belly down with her little chin rested on his collarbone. He ran a hand over her back, her black and white fur soft under his palm. At least he knew she’d always be there for him.

“You jerk,” she said, softly but teasingly.

He snorted.

“You brave jerk,” she said.

“Not so brave,” he said. “I didn’t tell her why.”

“That’s up to you to tell when you’re ready,” she said. “But it’s better for her to know now you can’t be with her.”

“She probably hates me.”

“She might be upset,” Stella said. “But who could hate you?”

Matteo didn’t answer because she probably wouldn’t like what he had to say.

Don’t be dumb, Stella said into his mind. No one hates you.

Right, he said back. They both knew he didn’t believe it.

She curled up closer to his neck, and they slept dreamlessly.

**

Not only did his stupid friends bail on him, leaving him alone at the abiture prank meeting, David wasn’t there either.

Matteo wanted the floor to open up and swallow him whole.

“Good idea,” Kiki said, clearly trying to avoid Marcus’ hug. Her little lovebird daemon landed on her shoulder, probably so it was harder to hug her. “Let’s do a trust circle, everyone get to know each other.”

“Are you shitting me,” Stella said, and Matteo couldn’t agree more. When everyone else got up to go form the circle, Matteo snuck out the door.

Closing it quietly, he turned and almost ran right into Jasmine, who growled at him.

“Watch where you’re going!” Stella chirped from her scarf position around Matteo’s neck. Everyone knew that a human could not, could not, touch another person’s daemon. Not without mutual consent, generally reserved for lovers, or medical personnel in life or death situations, and not a single other time. You could get arrested for that shit.

Jasmine snarled up at Stella but took a couple steps back and sat on her back legs. David came to stand beside her, his hand lightly patting her head for a moment before shoving it in his pocket.

“Sorry,” Matteo offered.

David shook his head and gave a small smile. “You didn’t do anything.”

Matteo almost did, which was bad enough, but he shrugged. “Yeah, cool.” They stood staring at each other for a moment. “You’re late.”

“Didn’t know where this room was. Got lost.” David nodded at the door. “Is the meeting over?”

Matteo snorted. “No. They’re doing trust circles. You know, hand holding and shit.”

“Oh.”

“So unless you want to do that,” Matteo said. He patted his pockets and Stella pointed to his inside one. He pulled out a joint and held it to her. She took it gently in her mouth to carry for him. “Wanna smoke?”

David stared at Stella. “Uh. Sure.”

“Come.” Matteo walked past them, making sure to stay clear of Jasmine, and led them down the hall. “I’ll make sure you don’t get lost.”

“Ha ha.”

Not far away, there was a door leading outside to a little hidden spot. Matteo held it open for David and Jasmine to get through, and then took his neck warmer from his pocket and put it between the door and the frame so it wouldn’t lock shut behind them.

“You’ve done this before,” David observed.

Matteo grinned. “Not a bad place to sneak a smoke between classes.”

“Ah.”

There was a short cement barrier, easy to sit on, so Matteo did just that. After a brief second, David joined him, sitting close but not too close. A few feet away, Jasmine sat surprisingly prim for a large predatory cat.

Matteo took the joint from Stella and lit it, and she made her way into the hood of his hoodie, curling up against his back and hidden from everyone else.

Matteo took a hit and then held the joint out to David. David took one, and Jasmine made a little noise that Matteo couldn’t parse. He tried to get some information out of David about why he’d transferred to the school so late, and only got a smartass answer about murder and his parents. Matteo liked him instantly.

After taking another hit, he held it back to David. Jasmine made the noise again and then David shook his head. “I’m good. She’s not really a fan of it when we’re out.”

At this, Stella climbed out of Matteo’s hood and slowly made her way down his arm, which he held out to help her balance. She was moving more languid than usual. Daemons got drunk or high along with their humans, the effect reverberated through them too, in different ways depending on the person or the daemon. It had to be the only reason Stella came out from hiding.

She went far enough that she peered down from his knee, her paws clutching the material of them. “Oh,” she said. “You’re one of those boring ones.”

“Stella,” Matteo admonished immediately.

“I’ll show you boring,” Jasmine said. It was the first time Matteo heard her speak, and he liked her silky smooth voice. Stella had a betrayed look on her face at that, and he laughed.

“I’d like to see you try!” Stella said snarkily. Jasmine stood up and Stella squeaked, scrambling up Matteo’s front and to his shoulder again.

“Jasmine,” David said, but he sounded rather fond. If a big predatory cat could shrug, Matteo imagined she would right now.

“She’d eat you whole,” Matteo said as Stella buried her face into his neck. But he caressed her softly, trying to tame the wild beating of her heart.

“She wouldn’t,” David said.

“I don’t know about that,” Matteo said. Jasmine had returned to her guard cat position. “She seems the protective sort.”

A complicated look flashed over David’s face but it was gone so quick Matteo wasn’t sure if he was reading into something that wasn’t there.

It went quiet again, and Matteo wished he was better at starting conversations with people he didn’t know but wanted to know. He looked up to the sky, the light pollution of the city reflecting against a patchwork of clouds.

“Hey,” he said. “That’s a star.”

“Uh,” David said. “That’s an airplane flying overhead.”

“Nope,” Matteo said, winking at David. “Definitely a star. A shooting star, even. Aren’t you supposed to make a wish?”

“It’s just a—” David stopped when he saw Stella scrambling, a little wobbly, back down Matteo’s front with an exclamation of “Star!”

“Don’t you know what to do with shooting stars?” Matteo asked.

“It’s just a star,” David said, as if it pained him to point out it’s not actually an airplane.

“You make a wish!” Stella answered urgently. “That’s what you’re supposed to do! I’ll do it.”

“Stella always does,” Matteo said fondly. He ran a hand down the length of her back. “Because she is one.”

David raised her eyebrows.

“Her name,” Matteo said. “It’s Italian. For star. She has a thing about them now.” He did not bother mentioning her full name. He did not want death by Stella today.

“Would you shut up?” Stella muttered. She stood at the end of Matteo’s knee again, actually pushed up so she balanced on her hind legs, though he held a hand around her middle to steady and protect her, and she reached her front legs for the stars. “I’m trying to make a wish here.”

“So make it,” Matteo said.

Through their connection, he heard her wish loud and clear. His cheeks flushed and he hoped they didn’t turn too pink. God that was embarrassing, and good goddamn thing it wasn’t spoken aloud.

“What was the wish?” David asked when Stella came down on all fours, and Matteo had scooped her up to his shoulder again. Matteo noted he left it open ended, as if he was asking either of them but not directly talking to Matteo’s daemon, a sign of polite etiquette.

Jesus Christ, Matteo thought, suddenly afraid Stella might actually say it out loud.

“No telling,” Stella said, this time into Matteo’s cheek. “Then it won’t come true.”

Matteo grinned and shrugged at David. “Sorry, can’t tell you.”

“Hmm.”

The conversation slowed again as Matteo took a drag of the joint, and then out of the corner of his eye he saw Abasi squeeze his way through the opening of the door. The small black cat sat in front of the large orange tiger. They seemed to have entered a stare off.

“There you are,” Amira said as she pushed open the door further, conscious to make sure it didn’t lock behind her.

“Hey.” He held out the joint. “Smoke?”

Amira rolled her eyes and didn’t answer. She looked between Matteo and David. “Aren’t either of you coming to the meeting?”

“Are you done with the touchy-feely shit?” Matteo asked.

“Yeah, we’re coming,” David said, pushing up off the cement block.

“Are we?” Matteo said.

“We, as in me and Jasmine,” David said. Jasmine stood up and stepped right over Abasi to come to David’s side. “You two coming?”

Stella was so out of it she just about rolled off Matteo’s shoulder. He picked her up gently and put her into the front pouch of his hoodie. “No, we’re good.”

Amira rolled her eyes but said, “See you in class Monday.” She left with Abasi running ahead of her and David and Jasmine following.

“‘Night,” Matteo called after them, and Amira waved over her shoulder without turning around. David glanced back and gave a small smile before they disappeared through the door.

“Progress,” Stella said from her comfy position huddled in his hoodie. He rolled his eyes and put out the joint, putting the end in his inside pocket, and pushed off the block to go home.

**

After school one day, Matteo unlocked the door to the WG and pushed it open and dropped his keys in the bowl on the shelf once inside. He slipped off his jacket and poked his head into the kitchen. There was no one in there, but he could feel the base of EDM reverberate through the walls, likely from Hans’ room.

“Hungry?” Stella asked from her spot on his shoulder. He went to the fridge and stared at his nearly empty shelf.

“Nah. You want anything?” Daemons didn’t need food or water as substances—thank god, Matteo despaired at the thought of having to clean up after a real ferret’s stink of shit and piss. But they did on occasion eat, more out of enjoyment or boredom than necessity.

“No,” Stella said. There wasn’t anything in there she tended to like. He’d have to remember to buy strawberries some time.

“Okay.” He shut the door and left the kitchen empty handed.

He went toward his bedroom but stopped in his tracks when he entered the living room he had to go through to get there. Moving along the back of the couch was Hans’ parrot daemon. Fran was mainly a vivid red through the body and head, though her wings had a variety of blue, yellow, and green feathers, with some on the plumage that sat on her head.

She bopped her head to the beat of the music—definitely from Hans’ room—as she moved across the back of the couch and back again. She stopped for one brief second as she noticed Matteo and Stella staring at her, but then went back to her head bopping. Matteo was always amazing at how far from their human that bird daemons could go. He couldn’t imagine being a whole room away from Stella—not that they’d ever really tried.

“Ah, there you are, my little butterfly!” Hans said as he entered the living room. Stella scrambled from Matteo’s shoulder down into his hood. If Hans noticed, he didn’t show offence. “Would you like to go out with us tonight?”

Matteo blinked at him, then tapped his own chest with his fingers. “Me?”

“What other butterfly is there here?”

Matteo didn’t know Hans’ super well. He’d hung out at Mia and Hans and Linn’s old flat, and so he’d met Hans a couple times. It’d been a quick and sudden move to a new place, with the invite of Matteo to join to rent the fourth bedroom since he’d been looking, so he hadn’t really had the chance to think hard about what living with Hans—or any of them—would be like.

Hans dressed brightly with glitter in his hair, ready to go to the club on a Tuesday night, with a brightly coloured head-bopping daemon is exactly what he would have pictured.

“Nah, we’re cool,” Matteo said. “School tomorrow.”

Hans waved his hands. “Yes, because you won’t be staying up all hours of the night playing those video games of yours.”

Matteo shrugged. There was a good chance of it.

“Some other time,” he told Hans instead.

“Really?”

“Sure.”

Fran flew to Hans’ shoulder and landed neatly, and they both eyed Matteo suspiciously. Stella poked her head over Matteo’s shoulder to peer at them.

“I’m going to hold you to that, butterfly,” Hans said. “I get to pick the place we go.”

“Okay.”

“And dress you.”

“Never,” Matteo said.

Hans laughed and with one hand on a tilted hip, he shook his finger. “We’ll see about that. Have a good evening with your games.”

“And you with yours,” Matteo said as he headed to his room, and smiled to himself as Hans’ laughter followed him in.

Once they were settled, Matteo’s laptop on his lap, Stella curled up in a circle at his thigh, Stella spoke. “You should talk to him.”

“Hmm?” Matteo pressed the spacebar, making his avatar jump.

“To Hans.”

“I do talk to him.”

“I mean, to him. About being a guy. Who’s into guys.”

Matteo paused the game, though he didn’t look away from the screen. “I’m not sure he’d have advice I need.”

“I know what you’re thinking, and don’t be a fucking moron,” Stella said. “No two people are alike, including two dudes who are into other dudes. But that doesn’t mean you won’t have things to talk about. Things to ask. Someone to ask.”

He clicked the spacebar again. “Whatever. Maybe I’m not ready to talk about it at all.”

Stella stared at him. “Fair.” Then she put her head down on her paws again.

Matteo shoved the laptop off his lap, and smoked a joint. He stared up at his ceiling for a long time before he fell asleep.

**

The text knocked the wind out of him. He leaned up against his locker and slid down to the ground, staring at the screen.

It was from his mother and there was a bunch of bible verses, about love and forgiveness and… Matteo didn’t know, it didn’t make much sense to him anymore.

And, finally, a text that was from her, not Jesus or God or whoever was in the bible verse. From her. Just her.

MOM:
I would like to see you soon. We need to talk about what happened. And about a plan forward. For both of us.
I’d like to see you. And Stella.
Love you always.
8:17

A plan forward. That sounded like a lot. Too much. And he didn’t want to talk about what happened. It still hurt. He didn’t think Stella was ready. Not with the way she’d hid her face into the crook of his neck after she read the text.

“Do we have to?” she asked, muffled.

“Shouldn’t we?” he said.

They were both quiet.

“Andreas will be there, right?” she asked.

“What kind of question is that?” Of course Andreas would be. Daemons are wherever their humans were, and that was Mom’s daemon.

Stella didn’t answer. She just climbed right into his shirt, which was both uncomfortable and weird, and her little claws dug into his skin. He hated when she did that but didn’t have the energy or the heart to tell her to stop.

“What are you doing?” Carlos asked.

Matteo looked up. Carlos, Abdi and Jonas were all standing at the entrance to the little alcove where Matteo’s locker was.

“Oh, shit,” he said, and laughed. They were all in bright neon shirts, high-waisted acid-wash jeans, and Abdi even had shoulder pads in his shirt. “Spirit week.” He’d forgotten again. For the fourth day in a row.

“Eighties day!” Jonas said, laughing. His daemon, Kathrin, a beautiful eagle-owl, sat on her perch that stuck out of his rucksack, as usual. But she glided to the floor to take up a spot near Matteo, even if she didn’t speak to him. Jonas pushed bright pink sunglasses up onto his head. “You forgot?”

“Where would I get the clothes?” he asked.

“Hans,” Jonas and Carlos said. Carlos’ black and white capuchin monkey daemon, Maria, was walking on the floor by his side, and she chuckled at the comment. Matteo nodded but he already swore Hans would never, ever dress him so that hadn’t been an option.

“You okay?” Jonas asked, as they all approached Matteo and formed a half-circle around him. He felt blocked away from the world, guarded by their tall legs, and Matteo liked it. He didn’t want to deal with shit.

Abdi pointed at the bulge under Matteo’s shirt. His squirrel daemon, Rafida, who was darting around all their feet, paused long enough to look too.

“Yeah, fine.” Matteo reached up under his shirt and grabbed Stella, who made a weird shrieking noise. “Someone’s having a day.”

“Yeah, you,” Stella said, clearly lying. She stopped squirming as she looked through the trees of legs in front of her, and past the daemons of their friends. Matteo did too and saw the bright orange of a tiger. There was only one at the school, as far as he knew.

“Okay, cool. So Kiki’s pissed at me,” Carlos said, and went off into some story Matteo didn’t listen to.

He leaned against the bank of lockers so that he looked along the side of it, watching David shove his duffle bag in and take a book out.

Stella spoke into his mind. Oh my god, stop staring. She sees you.

Matteo instinctively looked at Jasmine, who indeed was staring back at him. He gave a small smile, but she didn’t react in any way whatsoever, so he returned his attention to David. David glanced at him, smiled, and then walked right back past the little group surrounding him.

“Don’t you think that’s… are you ready?” Abdi was saying. “Carlos?”

Carlos stared down at Matteo. Then he looked down the hall, as if trying to get a glimpse at what Matteo had been staring at. Oh, shit.

“Caaaarlos.” Abdi lightly punched his side. Carlos over-dramatically flinched, and then addressed Abdi.

“I love her, though. Shouldn’t that be something we do?”

Jonas’ voice was low and serious. “I don’t know, man. You got to know for sure for sure. It’s hard to come back from. “

“What?” Matteo asked.

“Weren’t you listening?” Abdi asked.

“No, he wasn’t. But that’s okay.” Jonas smiled at him.

“We were talking about how Kiki’s pissed at me,” Carlos said. “Because I wasn’t sure if I should touch Dierk.”

Matteo blinked in surprise. Dierk was Kiki’s lovebird daemon. It was a dangerous topic they were talking about. One that was sacred. Touching a lover’s daemon was still a huge, gigantic deal, and Matteo couldn’t even wrap his head around even dreaming about doing it some day.

All the daemons went entirely still. Except for Maria the monkey, who punched Carlos in the ankle.

“Ow! I know, I know, we need to discuss it. Besides, she’s the one who suggested it! I told her we should wait. Wait, did you with Hanna?”

Jonas didn’t say anything. It was answer enough. He finally said, “It’s smart of you, to wait. Be sure. Give it time.”

“Well now my girl’s pissed at me,” Carlos said. “So we’ll see.”

“Just don’t be pressured into it,” Abdi said sagely, as if he had any more of a fucking clue than Matteo did. Which was to say, no clue at all.

There was a call from the hallway. “Hey, Florenzi! Down there sucking off all your boyfriends?”

“Fuck you, Edward,” Carlos called out. Jonas, Carlos, and Abdi all stuck up their fingers in Edward’s direction. Even the daemons made noises at him.

“I hate that guy,” Jonas muttered. And Jonas wasn’t one to hate anyone.

Normally, the thought of someone making that kind of comment at Matteo would be like having ice water poured directly into his guts, or give him such anxiety his body literally shook. But this was fucking Edward, who’d be making those kind of shit comments at everyone for years.

“Shitbag,” Matteo muttered. Stella heartily agreed.

“Here, get up.” Jonas held out a hand. “We have class to go to.”

Matteo wished he could stay right where he was. Between texts from his Mom, seeing David, finding out Jonas touched Hanna’s daemon, and being harassed by a shitbag—standing up and attending class seemed like a lot of work.

“Do I have to?” he asked, even as he grabbed Jonas’ hand while holding Stella to his chest with the other. He took care not to bump into the menagerie of daemons hanging out on the floor with him as Jonas pulled him up.

“Yup, my dear, let’s face this day.”

“Almost done, almost done, my friend,” Abdi added brightly.

Matteo glanced back at David’s locker, stupidly because what the fuck, nothing was going to happen, then followed his friends down the hall.

**

“Don’t be nervous,” Stella said nervously.

Matteo bit his lip and nodded. It was hard not to be, though. Going to visit his mother was work, even if she said she was doing better now. He couldn’t stop thinking about the last big episode—the one that drove him to find flatmates and move out, the one that hurt and terrified Stella so much it still felt like it would choke all the air right out of him anytime he thought of it. The one that made Mama finally, finally seek help.

They’d stayed in contact, of course. But this was—this was a lot. Too much.

“Maybe I should—” He paused. The bus pulled up and he swallowed. He got on the bus and headed down the aisle.

His breath caught in this throat.

David stood mid-bus, where there was space for anyone with a big daemon. Technically Matteo shouldn’t be there but he was drawn to it.

“Hey,” he said, standing against the window next to David.

“Hey,” David said. Jasmine didn’t acknowledge him, but that was to be expected.

Matteo stared at David, glancing away when David started to stare back, and he wished to hell he had something to say. He wanted to. He didn’t know where to start.

“Meeting,” Stella said into his ear.

“Hey,” Matteo said. “How was the rest of the meeting?”

David tilted his head.

“You know,” Matteo said awkwardly. “The, uh. Abi prank meeting.”

“I know.” David tilted his head the other way. “I’m trying to figure out a polite way to say: no one has a clue what to do.”

Matteo snorted. “Yeah, I kinda got that.”

“They’ve asked me to do some art,” David said.

“Of what?”

David shrugged. “Again... no one has a clue.”

“Inspirational,” Matteo said. David smiled at him and maybe Matteo had trouble breathing.

Before he made a complete fool of himself, a ticket inspector came onto the bus and started checking tickets.

Matteo sighed and tilted his head against the window. “Oh fuck,” Stella said.

“No ticket?” David asked. Matteo shook his head. As the inspector came closer to the back, his dog daemon leading the way, Matteo started to freak out. He didn’t need this right now.

David hitched his rucksack on his shoulder, and stepped into the way of the inspector. Jasmine immediately took her place at his side and blocked the way. Matteo watched in amazement as David went off about Alexanderplatz and his March ticket.

“Oh shit,” Stella said quietly and giggled. She shut up when the inspector asked for their ticket. David started babbling away, and when the bus stopped, the four of them bolted off.

“Oh my god!” Matteo laughed. “That was amazing, dude!”

David beamed.

“Uh.” Matteo watched the bus leave then looked around. “I have no idea where I am.” This was definitely not the stop he needed to transfer to the line that went to his mother’s new place.

David pointed down the road. “My place is down there. Uh. Wanna come over? I don’t have weed but I have beer.”

Mama? Stella said in his head. Or maybe not tonight?

“Sure,” Matteo said to David. He patted his pockets. “I have weed if you want.”

He half expected Jasmine to make a huffing noise, but she merely walked away, leading them in what Matteo assumed was the direction they needed to go.

“Cool,” David said. “Come.”

Matteo followed, sending a quick text to his mom as he walked away, excusing himself to study but maybe he’d see her the following week.

**

Jasmine led them to a run down building and up a couple floors, and David unlocked the door to let them in.

“Hello?” David called out. There was no answer. “Cool.”

“You live with anyone?” Matteo asked. He figured it wasn’t his parents, since David’s murder joke had been about them.

“My sister Laura,” David said. “Didn’t really expect her here. She’s usually out Friday nights.”

“Is that why you changed schools? You’re living here now?”

There was a pause in conversation as David led them into the flat, stopping a little kitchen.

“Something like that,” David said, opening the fridge.

Matteo picked up on it easily enough—David didn’t want to talk about it. “Cool,” he said. He sat down in one of the chairs at the table in the small kitchen area. “So why did they ask you about art?”

David’s head appeared over the door of the fridge, eyebrows raised. “What?”

“The abi group. You said something about art? You.... do art?”

Stella snorted because she was an ass.

David, however, had the cutest little grin on his face, and pulled out two beers from the fridge. “Yeah. I like art.”

“Can I see some?”

David handed a beer to Matteo, then fetched a little sketchbook out of the bag he’d been carrying on the bus. Pages full and worn but beautifully cared for, he handed it to Matteo. Stella came down from her hideaway in his hood so that she could look. Matteo was carefully flipping through it, and was very impressed with what he saw. Not that he knew a lot about art, but he could appreciate that a lot of thought and talent went into the, as David pointed out, collages.

Jasmine laid on a pillow in the corner, head down on her paws as she watched them.

“What do you want to do? When we’re done school?” Matteo asked later, comfortable in David’s kitchen. They sat in chairs next to each other, relaxed and laughing. Matteo had a joint and David shared and Jasmine didn’t make a sound about it. Maybe she was fine with it in their own home. “I mean, I hate that question because I have no clue, but do you have a plan?”

“Go to film school,” David said immediately. “I want to direct.”

“Really? That’s cool.”

David told him about his favourite director and his favourite movie, some vampire movie Matteo’s never heard of.

“My sister and I do a class now. On Sunday afternoons,” David said. “It’s not for credit or anything, more out of interest.”

“That’s really cool,” Matteo said.

“She’s more there to support me, but she likes it too. Right now we’re going through the movies of Baz Luhrmann.”

Matteo shook his head. He had no idea if he’d heard of the guy.

“The Great Gatsby?”

“With DiCaprio?” Matteo nodded. “Okay, yeah, I’ve seen that one.” He was forced to watch it one night when Jonas and Hannah had been dating and he was third wheeling it. His own fault, really.

“Yeah, that one. And Romeo and Juliet. Also with DiCaprio.”

He’d had to see that one in school. “It was kinda cool. For what it was.”

David nodded. “That’s how I feel. They’re cool for what they are, but his style is not my style. You know?”

“Dark vampires. Got it.”

David laughed. “Sure, something like that. This Sunday we’re discussing Moulin Rouge. Laura and I have to watch it tomorrow.”

Matteo shook his head. “Isn’t that a place in Paris?”

“Yes. But it’s a movie too. A musical.”

Stella’s head lifted up from where she’d been lounging on the table. “A musical?”

“Oh shit,” Matteo groaned. “You said the magic words.”

Stella scrambled over to Matteo and put her little hands on his forearm pleadingly. “Matteo!”

“No, Stella.”

Stella’s head swung back and forth dramatically. “Matteoooooooo.”

David watched them, amused. “Someone likes musicals?”

“Yes!” Stella said excitedly while Matteo groaned, “No.”

“Well, if you do watch it,” David said to Matteo, “let me know what you think.”

Stella clapped her little hands together because she knew that of fucking course Matteo was going to watch it now.

They talked a bit longer, and ate leftovers David dug out of the fridge. Jasmine stayed in the corner, quiet and observant and maybe a little high off what David was doing and didn’t seem to care. Stella made herself right at home on the table, curled up in the neck warmer Matteo had removed, all of them relaxing as the weed hit their system.

They all startled when the apartment door opened sometime later that evening.

“Hello!” a woman’s voice called out.

“In here.”

“Oh David, hi, I got you—” A woman with long, brown hair walked into the kitchen but stopped short when she saw Matteo. Matteo gave an awkward wave. “Oh, you have someone over. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

David said, “Oh, no, you didn’t, it’s cool. Laura, this is Matteo. He goes to my school. Matteo, my sister Laura.”

Laura’s daemon, a jet-black raven, glided into the kitchen and landed on the counter. Stella, who’d been relaxed, suddenly got shy and went over to Matteo, climbing up his arm and perching on his shoulder, pressing as close as she possibly could to his neck, her tail tucked between her body and his skin.

“It’s getting late,” Matteo said as he felt the energy drain out of Stella. He petted her head. “We should probably go.”

“It’s really cold out tonight,” Laura said. “I hope you’re dressed warm enough.”

“I’ll be fine,” Matteo said, standing up. “Thanks.”

“I’ll walk you out.” David stood. Jasmine stayed on her big pillow as her eyes watched them when they left the kitchen. They could get a distance from each other too, it seemed.

Matteo slipped on his coat and neck warmer, and went to lift his hood but Stella made a protesting noise from where she was curled up in it.

“Here,” David said. He grabbed his navy beanie from where it’d fallen to the floor. He pulled it onto Matteo’s head. “I’ll get it from you later.”

“Yeah. Cool. Thanks.” Matteo felt warm all over, and he didn’t think it was from the beanie.

“David!” Laura called from the kitchen. “Did you eat all the leftovers?”

David made a face and pushed Matteo’s shoulders. “Quick. Escape while you can.”

Matteo laughed but went out the door. He stood on the other side of it, though, staring at the stairwell and wishing he didn’t have to leave.

“We’ll see them again,” Stella said, muffled from her hiding spot.

“Yeah.” Matteo smiled and bounded down the stairs happily.

**

The light streaming into Matteo’s room woke him up. He blinked against it, then closed his eyes and rubbed his face into his pillow. He didn’t want to get up yet, but he could tell it was already into the afternoon.

“Get your lazy ass up,” Stella said, as if she hadn’t been sleeping the same time as he. “We have things to do!”

“Like what?” Matteo mumbled into his pillow.

“Like watch Moulin Rouge!”

Matteo groaned. “It is way too early for that.”

“It is not!”

“At least let me get some coffee.”

He didn’t get right out of bed, though, instead reaching over and grabbing his mobile off the bedside table. He grinned when he saw there was a message from David.

David:
Moulin Rouge sure is something
11:13am

There was a gif of brightly dressed cancan dancers and sparkles in the air and daemons in a whirlwind of movement.

What was Matteo getting himself into?

MATTEO:
Good morning. Stella and I are going to watch it now.
14:25

The response was immediate, and Matteo couldn’t stop his grin when the response came in.

DAVID:
Good… afternoon? Are you just getting up?
14:36

MATTEO:
It’s the weekend!
14:37

Stella, who had come over to read over his shoulder, snorted. “You’d do that every day if you could.”

“Shut up.” When another reply didn’t come in right away, he got out of bed and pulled on David’s beanie. Matteo couldn’t and wouldn’t stop smiling

“You look ridiculous,” Stella sniped. He rolled his eyes but grinned, and pulled on sweats, which was a good thing because when he went into the living room he saw Linn sitting in the armchair. Her gentle white dove daemon was perched on the armrest. Matteo nodded to Linn in greeting, and she nodded back.

Linn held up her mug. “Coffee is on.”

“Nice,” he said. Stella looked at the dove daemon and opened her mouth, as if wanting to say something, but then crouched down and tucked her tail into the collar of Matteo’s shirt. Linn smiled understandingly and the dove did not look offended.

Neither of them even knew the dove’s name. Linn only referred to him as My Dear, and Mia and Hans called him Dearie, so that’s how Matteo thought of him, and didn’t want to be impolite and ask.

He got his coffee and went back into the living room. “Uh. Stella and I were going to watch a movie. If you wanted to join.” Stella made a little noise of protest but Matteo ignored it. “I can bring my laptop out here.”

“Thank you,” she said. She stroked one finger down Dearie’s back. “But we’re leaving shortly to meet Hans. To do… something.”

The thing was, Matteo knew it wasn’t a brush off, and was likely part of Hans’ plans to help Linn find a hobby or get used to people or whatever project they seemed to be working on that was always on Hans’ Instagram stories.

“But thank you,” she said again, smiling at him.

“Sure, anytime,” he said with a shrug, and he and Stella went back into his room. He set up in his lounge chair, legs stretched out and laptop set precariously on his lap. Stella sat right in front of it and stared at the screen. He found a stream of Moulin Rouge and started it.

When the title card came on screen, he snapped a picture, Stella’s head right in the middle of it and the words only half seen on either side. He sent the picture to David.

DAVID:
Down in front
15:01

MATTEO:
Exactly
15:02

After the first few scenes of very fast moving colours and quickly changing shots, he couldn’t help but text again.

MATTEO
Am I having a seizure
15:15

DAVID:
Or are you on absinthe
15:16

MATTEO:
definitely not but I might have to be
15:17

“Would you shut up?” Stella hissed over her shoulder.

“I’m not saying anything!”

“I can hear you texting!”

“Well maybe if your big head wasn’t in the way!”

Stella hissed again, but she curled up into a ball, facing the screen of course, and was out of his way. Matteo put down his mobile so he didn’t make her any more pissed, and then she came up to lay on his belly. They watched the movie in relative silence, all the silliness and music filling his room.

“Play that again!” Stella shrieked after one musical number, just over an hour in.

“What?”

“Go back and start that song over!”

“Stella, can we please just get through this—”

“Do it!”

“Fine.” He moved the cursor over the playtime back a couple minutes and found the start of the song. He listened this time: the song was pretty and Ewan McGregor could sing and, man, back in the day—

“Yes, yes, he’s handsome,” Stella said. “Stop thinking so loud, I’m watching this.”

She made him play it again, and one more time, this last time she got off her spot and stood in front of the screen again, watching avidly.

He, being the asshole he was, filmed her and then sent it to David.

MATTEO:
she’s obsessed with this song. It’s your fault if I have to listen to it a billion times.
16:24

DAVID:
Come What May. Good version on the soundtrack.
Already put it on a playlist.
For Jasmine.
16:24

Matteo stared at the message. Then he brought up Spotify, found the soundtrack, and added it to one of Stella’s playlists. She was definitely going to be asking to listen to it again.

They made it to the end of the movie, and Stella loved it.

“It’s sad,” Matteo said. He didn’t like the ending very much.

“Sometimes life is sad, Matteo. But not always,” she added on hastily.

“Musicals are sad.”

“Not always!”

“How many times did you make me watch Les Mis? And why are they all in France?”

“They’re not all in France! That’s it. We’re finding a good one!”

“Not now. I’m done with musicals for the day.”

She harrumphed but let it go.

Matteo stared at his mobile, deciding what to say to David, and then instead scoured the internet for another good Moulin Rouge gif. He sent it to David.

MATTEO:
Cool for what it was?
17:25

David didn’t answer right away. Matteo stared around his room.

“Now what? And don’t you dare mention musicals.”

“I wasn’t going to!”

His bed looked really good right then. “Nap?”

She nodded. “Nap.”

**

Finished with the last Monday of school he’d ever have to worry about, Matteo happily let himself into the flat. He could hear chatter from the living room.

“Matteo, is that you?” Mia called out.

“Yeah.”

“Can you come in here?”

“Just a second.” He removed his coat and shoes, keeping David’s beanie on. He hadn’t seen David at school that day, not even passing him by their lockers, and he was going to text him about it later. No harm in still wearing it, though, if he didn’t need to get it back.

He went into the living room and all three of his flatmates and their daemons were there. He raised his eyebrows and took Stella out of his pocket, putting her on the floor. She looked betrayed and stayed close to his feet, especially when Mia’s fox daemon Konrad came closer. She wasn’t as used to him yet, since Mia was often out of the flat when she stayed with Alex.

“Flat meeting?” Matteo plopped down onto the couch next to Linn. Stella sat between his feet, nearly hidden behind his legs.

“No, we were just all home. For once,” Hans said, with a pointed stare at Mia. Fran, his parrot daemon, did the same to Konrad the fox.

Mia rolled her eyes. “Yes, Hans, I know you miss me desperately, even though I come by quite often.”

“Not quite often.”

“You missed the roulade Linn made the other night,” Matteo said. “It was awesome.” Linn beamed at him. Even Stella, who’d tried some, made a noise of affirmation. Dearie the dove flew down to the floor to sit by Matteo’s foot, and in turn by Stella, though kept a respectful distance.

“Sorry I missed that,” Mia said. “I’ll make it up to you. I’ll be there Friday. Alex and I both will.”

“What’s Friday?” Matteo asked.

“That’s what we were going to tell you,” Mia said, turning to him. “The girls wanted to have a place to party. For the end of school. I said we could here. You’re okay with that?”

He shrugged. He wasn’t about to go against the three of them. Not that he wanted to. “Sure. I can invite the guys?”

“Of course,” Hans said. “The more the merrier!”

“Cool.”

There was a moment silence and he didn’t know what to say. Then, suddenly, Linn said, “Who would like to play cards?”

Matteo blinked at her, but Mia and Hans made happily noises and comments.

Hans bounced out of his chair. “I’ll fetch a deck.”

“I’ll get a snack,” Mia said, heading to the kitchen.

“We can play four player games now,” Linn said to Matteo. She paused, unsure for a moment. “If you’d like.”

He’d planned to text David, or at least try to figure out what to say if he were going to, but he also didn’t want to be rude. Not when Linn had looked so briefly hopefully. “Sure, I can play for a bit.” That seemed to please her.

Stella scratched at his leg and he picked her up, because he knew how she liked to look at the cards he held in hand, even though her noises and face generally gave him away. But she could be a card shark and often led him to good hands, so he was willing to deal with it.

Hans returned with cards, and Mia returned with a bag of crisps and a bowl of strawberries. “Anyone is welcome to help themselves.” She held out the bowl.

Stella stared at it. Then she stared up at Matteo. “Don’t look at me,” he said. “Take one if you want.”

“Oh,” Mia said. She removed one from the bowl and held it out toward Matteo. He reached over and took it, then held it to Stella. She took it with her front paws and held it close.

“Thank you,” Stella said, not looking at Mia but loud enough she could hear. Then she made a happy squeaky noise when she bit into it.

Matteo smiled at her, then at Mia. “Thanks.”

“Of course,” Mia said, surprised but smiling as she watched Stella. “Any time she wants, help yourself for her.”

“Cool. I keep forgetting to buy her some.”

“You can also buy your own wurst,” Hans said, shuffling the cards.

“Stella loves wurst,” Matteo said innocently.

Stella, the snitch, made a hacking sound like she was going to vomit. Matteo rolled his eyes.

“Sure sounds like it,” Hans said, giving Matteo a look. Fran’s red feathers ruffled.

Stella finished her strawberry, and Mia held out a second one to her directly, but gentle. Stella took a second, unsure, but came forward enough on Matteo’s leg to accept it, though she huddled back as soon as it was in her paws.

“How come she’s getting spoiled,” Matteo said with faux offence. “I don’t.”

“Because she’s cute,” Mia and Hans said in unison, and Linn laughed.

Matteo rolled his eyes, but ran a hand over Stella’s back. “Sure, sure, let her fool you all.” Her cheeks puffed out, full of strawberry, and a droplet of juice somehow on one of her whiskers, and she was quite frankly adorable.

“Okay,” Matteo said, scooping her up in the cradle of his arm as he sat up straighter. “What’re we playing?”

**

“The party is going to be dope,” Abdi said, bumping shoulders with Matteo. They stood in the foyer at the school between classes.

“Perfect,” Carlos said. “Exactly what we need to celebrate end of school.”

“Carlos, we still have exams,” Jonas said. Everyone, including the daemons, made disapproving noises at him. “What?” he said defensively. “We do, whether or not we like it.”

“Can we just get past this week,” Carlos said. “Enjoy it before we worry about exams.”

Jonas held up his hands in surrender. “Fine, fine.”

“Yeah, we’ll worry about it later, dudes,” Abdi said. “This week? Party!”

There was a chorus of cheers from the three of them, and Matteo just sort of smiled. He was confused, though, when all three fell quiet quite shortly, and stared past Matteo.

Matteo glanced over his shoulder. “Oh, hey,” he said, and felt like an idiot for how fucking happy he sounded. “Hi, David.”

David stood a few paces behind him, tentative. Jasmine was at his side, fierce as always. Matteo wasn’t surprised the other three had stopped up so short. She could be intimidating.

Stella stuck her head out of what’d become her usual spot of Matteo’s hoodie. She scrambled up onto his shoulder.

“Hey. Sorry to interrupt,” David said.

“Nah, it’s all good,” Matteo said. He swung his rucksack around and fumbled with the zipper of the front pocket. He pulled out the beanie. “Here you go. Thanks, man.”

“No problem.”

“Why do you have his beanie?” Carlos asked.

“Because it was cold,” Stella said, although she was still looking at David. Everyone fell absolutely quiet, and even Matteo was stunned at her addressing anyone right now. “Why else would we have borrowed it?”

“Um. Okay,” Carlos said, as if that explained everything. It explained enough, anyway, for everyone to let the subject go. It was rare for a daemon to speak out like that.

“Let me down,” Stella said, starting to make her way awkwardly down Matteo’s arm. He grabbed her before she could fall and put her on the ground. He felt everyone’s eyes on them.

“Guys,” Matteo said, standing back up straight. “Everyone’s met David? He’s newer here.”

“Yeah,” Jonas said, the first to break out of his stunned silence. He held out his fist to David. “From math class, right?”

“Jonas, yeah?” David bumped his fist.

“Yeah. And this is Abdi,” Jonas said, ever the one to take the social lead. David and Abdi shook hands. “And that’s Carlos.”

Carlos wasn’t paying attention. He was staring at the ground, and they all looked over to what he was staring at.

Jasmine sat on her haunches, towering over Stella, who had come to sit in front of her. They stared at each other.

And then Stella reached out one of her small paws, putting it down softly on one of Jasmine’s big toes. Everyone stared in silence while she kept her paw there for a minute before pulling it back.

“Stella approved,” Carlos said, surprise lacing his voice. He turned to David, stuck out his hand, and said with warmth, “Cool to meet you, dude.” David took his offered hand and shook it, looking entirely pleased with himself.

Matteo didn’t meet Jonas’ eyes, though he could feel himself being watched. “Stella,” he said. She stayed at Jasmine’s side. He barked out surprised laughter when Jasmine put a big paw on top of Stella’s head, knocking her over. It seemed an accident, though, because Jasmine put her head down and nosed at Stella, getting her upright again.

“Sometimes she forgets how big she is,” David said softly.

“It’s fine. Stella thinks she’s bigger than she actually is,” Matteo said. Or she used to, anyway.

Abdi snapped his fingers. “You’re in PE.”

David blinked at him. “Yes.”

Abdi nodded his head. “I saw you there a couple weeks ago.” He smirked at Carlos. “The day we went and watched the dancers.”

Carlos’ face lit up. “The dancers.” The two of them started dancing, just moving their hips a little side to side and making faces. Matteo hit his forehead with his palm. He’s glad he skipped that day, though he’d heard about it at length later.

David looked like he didn’t know how he got himself stuck in this situation. “Uh. Yeah. They use the gym before class sometimes.”

Abdi froze mid-hip thrust. “Sometimes? What other times?”

“Dude, it’s the last week of classes,” Jonas said. “It doesn’t matter what other times.”

“Oh, right.” He frowned.

“David!” They all looked up when they heard David’s name being called from the second floor. Leonie and Sara were at the railing. “David,” Sara said. “You coming?”

“Be right there!” David called back. They both nodded, and Sara and Matteo’s eyes met. Matteo nodded at her, but she only raised her eyebrows and turned away.

David turned back to the group. “Speaking of PE. I should go.”

“Hey,” Abdi said, hitting Matteo’s shoulder. “What about you and Sara? Weren’t you dating?”

“That was weeks ago,” Carlos said.

“Yeah, but he never said what happened.”

“Nothing,” Matteo said. He really didn’t want to have this conversation with David right there. David, despite saying he had to go, instead looked at him with interest. “Nothing happened.”

“Really? That’s too bad,” Abdi said. “You guys were vibing.”

Carlos snorted. “No, they weren’t.”

“What? They were.”

“No,” Matteo said, resolutely not looking at David, or Jonas, who was sending him concerned looks. “We weren’t.”

It was quiet for a moment. “Sorry, bro,” Abdi said.

Matteo shrugged. “It’s for the best.”

The bell saved him from any awkwardness, and David winced. “Really got to go. See you guys.”

There was a round of good-byes, but as David walked away Matteo called out to him. He turned back.

“Party at my place Friday.” There was another round of cheers from the guys. “You should come.”

“Yeah, David! Come party with us,” Jonas said happily.

“I—yeah, maybe. “ David grinned. “Text me the address.”

“For sure,” Matteo said.

“Cool.” Then he turned and hurried away, Jasmine easily following.

“Shit, guys,” Carlos said. “Class!”

They all groaned. Matteo scooped up Stella, and even though it was good she wasn’t clinging to him, waiting for her to scuttle along would definitely make them late.

“You’re the best,” he said to her, keeping her in the cradle of his arm.

“Yeah I am,” she said smugly.

He really shouldn’t have said anything because now she’d never let him live it down.

**

Mia was not at the party on Friday like she promised Hans.

A hell of a lot of other people were though. The flat, done up with blacklight so that neon glowed around the room, was packed with people. Mia’s girlfriends were there, so were Matteo’s best friends, plus some people from their class like Leonia and Sara, plus friends of Hans and Linn’s he didn’t know. All of them took up the entire space of the flat. One section of the living room was the designated daemon area, for those who couldn’t be carried around by their human, or didn’t want to be. They all seemed fine with it, chatting amongst themselves, though some of the birds or climbing daemons sat up out of the way on any high perch they could find.

The music was loud and the chatter was louder, people dancing and drinking and socializing. It was going well enough, Matteo thought, and livened up even more when a second group of Hans’ friends showed up.

David made an appearance later in the evening, greeting people Matteo didn’t even know. Matteo excused himself from chatting with Sam under the pretence of getting a drink, making a beeline for David, pushing past Jonas and the girl he was dancing with.

He stopped short when he saw David give Leonie and Sara hugs, then getting into a lively conversation with them.

His heart sank. He detoured, avoiding them, and found a patch of wall to stand against for a while. His eyes swept over the crowd, often finding David, but not finding the right time to go to him.

“Is Jonas really?” Stella said, sticking her head out of the front pocket of Matteo’s hoodie.

“Yeah.” Matteo bit down what was possibly jealousy when he saw Jonas go up to David and get into a conversation with him and Leonie. Carlos quickly joined, and it was good his friends got along with David, but he wished he was there talking to them too.

“Then just fucking go,” Stella said.

“Hey, man.” Abdi came over and stood against the wall next to Matteo. He seemed deflated, even with the ridiculous neon design painted on his face.

“You okay?” Matteo asked. Stella shuffled around in the pocket so she could stick her head out the other side, and looked up at Rafida. The daemon squirrel, who usually scuttled around at a rapid pace, was perched on Abdi’s shoulder much like Stella tended to do with Matteo, leaned in close to Abdi’s cheek.

Abdi shrugged, Rafida’s tail swaying back and forth with the motion. “Sam turned me down.”

Rafida’s head shook back and forth. To Stella she said, “No, she didn’t. But she also didn’t—”

“She brushed me off,” Abdi said. “I’m getting nowhere with her.”

“Sorry, dude. You’ll figure it out.” Matteo tilted his head so it appeared like he was paying attention to Abdi but could see David out of the corner of his eye. Now he was having what appeared to be a serious conversation with Amira.

“Yeah, I guess,” Abdi said.

They fell into silence. Matteo knew, in his head, he should do or say more to make Abdi feel better, but couldn’t come up with anything. His mind was buzzing while his entire body felt exhausted.

“Matteo!” Hans rushed over and grabbed Matteo’s hand, pulling him off of the wall. “You’re not dancing.”

Matteo tried to pull away, though without much effort. “Not in the mood, Hans.” Yet, he followed Hans into the center of the room, amongst a crowd of people. A distraction could be good.

“This is Andi. Andi, this is Matteo,” Hans said, introducing Matteo to one of his many friends.

Andi smirked at Matteo. “Hans has told me about you. Wanna dance?”

Matteo shook his head. “Not much of a dancer.”

“Come on, now.” Andi slipped his hands onto Matteo’s waist, but quickly pulled back when he realized there was a daemon hidden near there. “Sorry!”

“No problem.” He was grateful for Stella’s hiding tendencies in this moment. His body swayed, more from not wanting to be upright anymore than to the music, but Andi took it for something else.

“That’s right, honey. We can still dance!” He kept his hands to himself, but stood close.

Matteo was saved by the bell when he felt his mobile buzz in his pocket. He pulled it out and shook it in Andi’s direction a little. “Sorry, got to go.”

Andi pouted but turned to dance with someone else, and Matteo was relieved to have a good excuse to leave the dance floor.

That relief was momentary because when he looked at the screen of his mobile he stopped short. He hadn’t seen a notif for that contact in weeks.

DAD:

Matteo was jostled side to side when the beat picked up and dancers moved more vigorously, and yet he couldn’t make his feet move. He couldn’t stop staring at the notification on his mobile. He didn’t dare answer it, not wanting a read receipt to tell his father he’d got the message, but he had. He had got it.

“What’s wrong?” Stella asked, half falling out of his pocket. He instinctively caught her, but scooped her up close to his chest. She wiggled, not comfortable or supported and belly exposed. She complained, “What is wrong with you?”

She must’ve got a glance at the screen because she stopped moving. Her voice was too quiet under the pounding music, so he didn’t catch what she said, just felt the vibrations where he held her that she was actually talking.

He got bumped again, nearly falling over, but it was enough to get his feet under him moving. He pushed his way through the crowd, including past Amira who was finished her conversation with David, and Jonas and Carlos who were dancing with Hanna and Kiki. Matteo went straight to his room and locked the door behind him.

Dumping Stella onto the little table, despite her protests, he paced the room back and forth. His heart was pounding and it was too hard to breath.

Dad.

He sat down and rolled a joint, Stella taking the opportunity to scramble into his lap, her paws gripping and kneading into his hoodie. When that didn’t settled either of their nerves, he put on his noise cancelling headphones and cradled her close, rubbing his nose along the line of her back, her soft fur both tickling and comforting.

Eventually, he took off the headphones, and he hadn’t realized it had been that long, because the sounds of the party had died away.

“They were calling for you,” Stella said quietly. “They think you’re sleeping.”

He was drowning.

“They went to a club, I think.”

Matteo didn’t look at his mobile. His mouth felt dry and awful. Pulling off the headphones completely, he kept Stella in his arms as he left his room in search of water. It seemed like everyone was gone, but he heard some bottles clinking in the kitchen.

David was there.

Matteo blinked slowly at him. David was like a vision, or maybe a figment of his imagination. It was conflicting, the way he felt now and the way he always felt when he saw David, like an internal struggle of bad and good warring right inside of his head, and in his chest.

“Hey.” David put down the bottles he was holding and leaned his hip against the counter.

“What’re you doing here?”

“Waiting for you.”

Matteo came to stand next to David at the counter. He kept Stella clutched to his chest. “If I had been sleeping, you would have waited a long time.”

“Jasmine said she could hear Stella in there. We were going to come knock in a couple minutes.”

Jasmine sat next to the small kitchen table, watching and not speaking, as usual.

“Are you okay?” David asked.

“Sure.”

Jasmine huffed.

“Well, maybe not,” Matteo amended. He didn’t want to talk specifically about what was bothering him, but. “My head is fucked up right now.”

“Bad message?”

Matteo blinked at him slowly again.

“Jasmine said you looked at your mobile and then disappeared.”

“Is Jasmine watching me?”

“Jasmine,” David said, “is watching out for me.”

The corner of Matteo’s mouth tilted up. “Why? Does she think I’m threatening?”

David leaned in close. “She knows I think you’re terrifying.”

Matteo snorted. “Right. That’s me. Scary as fuck.”

“What’s scary,” David said, voice low. A chill ran through Matteo’s spine. “Is how badly I want to kiss you.”

Matteo didn’t know what to say, or how to respond. His head still felt fuzzy and everything felt off, the thought of a certain notif sitting on his mobile throwing him for a fucking loop he didn’t know how to control. He just looked David, at his eyes then at his mouth and back to his eyes, and wished this could be their moment.

“I want the first time we kiss,” Matteo said, in an honesty that surprised himself, “to be the best thing ever.”

David was quiet, his stare at Matteo intense, as if he could see right into Matteo’s heart. But then everything about him softened, from the look on his face to the line of his shoulders, and his beautiful voice. “Right now wouldn’t be that, would it?”

“I wish it could be,” Matteo said. He voice dropped so quiet that he almost couldn’t hear himself. “I’m sorry.”

David shook his head. “It’s okay.”

Matteo blurted out, “You could stay, though, if you wanted. The night. With me. Just sleeping, but.” David didn’t have to go. Matteo didn’t want him to.

“I can’t,” David said. “I’m sorry.”

Matteo shook his head, trying not to be disappointed. “It’s okay. I shouldn’t have asked.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to, but.” David looked so sad, remorseful almost. “I can’t right now.”

Matteo nodded. They all startled, even Jasmine, when the flat door burst open. Mia stormed by, yelling something, her fox daemon running ahead of her. Her boyfriend Alex came in, yelling after her, his eagle daemon flying into the living room. Neither noticed the boys and their daemons in the kitchen.

“I should go,” David said softly. “I’ll see you soon?”

“If you want.”

David nodded firmly. “I want.” He made an aborted movement, maybe like going in for a hug but he stopped when he saw Stella clutched in front of Matteo like a shield. He nodded to them both, and he and Jasmine left the flat.

“Well,” Stella said into the quiet of the kitchen, “that night was a fucking bust.”

Matteo snorted, and pulled her closer, burying his nose into her fur.

“It had its moments,” Matteo said, thinking about David, and kissing, and what felt like a promise hanging in the air.

It was better than thinking about anything else.

Chapter Text

PART TWO: Beauty

It was with great difficulty that Matteo even rolled over in bed, let alone get out of it. He could tell it was late in the afternoon and while his eyes blinked open he was tired to the bone.

“Hans is out there,” Stella said from the end of the bed. Daemons slept when their humans did but he’d been dozing in and out enough that she must have woken up completely and would probably protest going back to sleep even more.

“So?” It was muffled by the pillow.

“So don’t be an asshole. Get up and help him.”

There was a clinking of bottles and a smash and Matteo sighed. But he didn’t get up.

Stella climbed to the top of the bed. “What’s wrong?” She put her little paw on his forehead, as if that would do anything.

He batted it away. “Nothing. I’m tired.”

“It’s late already.” She scrambled over his head and he made noises when her claws stuck into his hair and pulled.

He’d bet anything she tapped on his mobile screen because she said, “It’s already three-thirty!” He hated when she did that and was about to scold her when she said, “Oh, look, a message from David.”

He rolled over so quickly he almost knocked her off the bed. She cackled at him. “Knew that would make you move!”

“If this is a fucking joke,” he mumbled, grabbing his mobile off the bedside table.

“It’s not,” she said smugly.

It wasn’t.

He sat against the wall and grinned as he opened the message app.

DAVID:
It was good to see you yesterday. Thanks for the invite.
12:32
I hope you’re feeling better
13:14

Matteo considered saying something cheesy like I am now but he knew Stella would never, ever let him hear the end of it.

MATTEO:
Glad you came over. And I am, thanks.
15:23

He bit his lip and considered what else to say. What did he want to say? What did he want?

MATTEO:
We should hang out soon.
15:26

There wasn’t an answer right away. Matteo still hadn’t opened the message from his dad, but he ignored it for now. He felt better and that was the last thing he needed.

There was a brief knock on his door and Hans came in without waiting for an invitation. Fran immediately took to the air and landed on the books that were balanced on the wall. Stella watched her, and waved once Fran landed, but then scuttled under the blanket and up against Matteo’s side.

“All my roommates are lazy bums,” Hans announced, and flopped onto the bed next to Matteo. His bathrobe was dangerously close to flapping open.

“Could you cover up?” Matteo asked, rolling his eyes.

“Oh. Sure.” Hans climbed under Matteo’s covers with him, the opposite side of Stella at least.

“That’s not what I meant,” Matteo said, though he found he didn’t care.

Hans ignored him and pulled his mobile out of the pocket of his robe. He thumbed through the lock and brought up an app. “I think I should find a date for tonight.”

“What about Andi?”

“Oh, he’s just a friend, it’s not like that.” Hans brought up Grindr and swiped through. He stopped on one guy in consideration. He held the mobile out for Matteo to look. The guy was big and buff and not at all what Matteo would be interested in.

“Not my type,” Matteo said. His insides flushed warm and it was close, so close, to telling the whole truth. He thought about David, and what he wanted, and thought: maybe I can say it.

Stella poked her head out of the blanket curiously and Hans tilted the mobile to her. She made a noise and hid again.

“That’s a no then, huh,” Hans said absently, and started swiping again.

It was quiet for a moment, and then Matteo blurted out, “How’d you know? When you were ready to tell… people.”

Stella immediately came out from under the covers, and climbed into Matteo’s lap, tail tucked under her body as she peered up at him. Matteo didn’t look at Hans, instead focused very closely on petting Stella.

Hans was unusually quiet for a moment, and when Matteo glanced over, he saw that Hans had a considering look on his face.

“It wasn’t an easy decision,” Hans said slowly. “And I told different people at different times. It’s not the same for everyone.”

Matteo nodded.

“Why? Is there something you want to tell me?” Hans asked softly.

Part of him wanted to, but part of him thought that there were others he should tell first.

“No,” Matteo said, a little sharply. He sighed, and said more softly, “Maybe just not yet.”

Hans patted his leg over the blanket. “Whenever you’re ready. Or not. Whatever you want.” Then Hans get out of the bed and put his mobile back in the pocket. “Whatever is going on in your head does not excuse you from clean up.” Hans clapped his hands. “Up, up, butterfly.”

Matteo’s mobile buzzed with a notification.

DAVID:
I’d like that.
15:36

Matteo smiled and threw back his covers. Stella jostled around and she got caught under them, causing her little annoyed screeching sound. Fran flew down from her perch, making tutting noises at Matteo.

Matteo smiled. “Be right there.”

**

Matteo’s rucksack was nearly empty, save for Stella huddled in the bottom of it, clutching onto his lucky boxing pen for him. He was about to write his first exam.

His eyes swept the halls for David and Jasmine, but he didn’t see them. He actually had no idea what subjects David took, and if he had an exam that day or not.

“Hey, my man,” Jonas said, bumping fists when they met in the hall. Kathrin the eagle-owl sat on her perch sticking out of Jonas’ bag. “Ready?”

“For Spanish? Sure.”

Stella made a raspberry noise from inside the rucksack and Jonas laughed.

“Maybe not, then,” he said, and Matteo shrugged.

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” he said, thinking of his cheat sheet already hidden away.

“Doubtful,” Stella said. Jonas laughed again, and so did Kathrin.

Kathrin said, “Aren’t you going to come out, Stella?”

Stella blew another raspberry and at least it made everyone laugh.

“Oh, Stella,” Jonas said under his breath, and grinned at Matteo. Stella loved Jonas and Kathrin, even if she wasn’t the most friendly of daemons at the moment. He knew that without a doubt, and so did they. “Hey,” Jonas said, as they were about to part to go in different directions for their exams. “Friday is Abdi’s birthday.”

“Solid,” Matteo said. “Should we do something?”

“Pub? Bar? Hookah?”

“Whatever it is,” Matteo said, “make sure Sam’s there.”

“Sam, eh?” Jonas nodded. “Maybe I should ask her for suggestions.”

“Totally,” Matteo said. “Let me know. I’m there.”

Stella made a noise.

“We’re there,” Matteo said.

“Cool.” They bumped fists again and wished each other luck, and parted ways.

**

The exam sucked. Every little noise set Matteo’s nerves on end and it was all he could do not to explode. He couldn’t focus on shit. Stella, who was not allowed to see the exam paper and help him through their connection, sat on the floor wrapped around one of his ankles.

He excused himself to go to the bathroom twice to check up on stuff, but he didn’t think he should risk a third.

He had a feeling not even the cheating helped.

**

JONAS:
Sam says club. Her brother can get us a VIP room to ourselves!
16:32

MATTEO:
Cool. Let everyone know?
16:33

JONAS:
Surprise for Abdi, or tell him?
16:35

MATTEO:
Nah tell him. Give him something to get through the week.
16:33

JONAS:
Will do.
16:34

The ok.cool. chat went off the hook a minute later, and the four of them listed people to invite. David was one of them, but at Carlos’ suggestion.

Matteo was not going to object.

**

The WG buzzer went off and Matteo, though not expecting anyone but being the closest to it, left the kitchen to answer. It was a piece of shit and crackled, but he was pretty sure it was Amira on the other end.

“Tell them to come up,” Mia yelled from across the flat. “I might be a couple minutes.”

Matteo buzzed whoever it was up, and opened the door for Amira and Hanna.

“Hi,” Hanna said. She stepped inside, her fluffy orange cat daemon, Tobias, darting past Matteo to go into the living room.

“Hey,” he said, returning her hug briefly.

Amira slapped his high five twice and then gave him a fist bump. Abasi was a black flash past them and followed Tobias into the flat.

“Hey,” Matteo said. “Oh, shit, excuse me.” He went back into the kitchen before his soup boiled over on the stove. He turned down the temperature.

“Smells good,” Amira said, leaning against the doorway to the kitchen, watching Matteo as he stirred the pot.

“It’s just soup,” he said. He didn’t tell her it was one of his mother’s recipes he’d learned years ago. He felt oddly homesick, or something, and it just seemed like it was something he should make. “Want to try some?”

“Tempting,” she said sceptically. But then she smiled. “But we’re meeting Sam and Kiki for dinner.”

He nodded. “Cool.”

Amira quietly watched Matteo for a minute before saying, “So you hung out with David a while ago?”

The spoon clattered to the stovetop, little drops of soup getting everywhere. He swore under his breath and grabbed a cloth to mop it up. Mia hated a dirty kitchen.

“Uh, yeah,” Matteo said, side-eying her. “He helped me out of a jam.”

“Cool.”

“Yeah. How’d you know?” He looked at Stella, who sat on the tabletop in the corner. Her little head wobbled in her version of a shoulder shrug. It wasn’t like she told anyone.

“Oh. I saw David after exams yesterday. He mentioned it.”

“You’re friends, yeah?” Matteo asked. He thought about them deep in conversation at the party at the WG, which seemed to extend beyond just an invite to the Abi prank committee.

“I’ve known him for a long time,” Amira said.

It took a second for that to sink in, but. “What?”

“My older brother and his older sister know each other.” Amira’s smile was wry. “I think it’s a ‘it’s complicated’ situation.”

“Ah.” Matteo didn’t know what to say to that.

“Look… just be careful with him, Matteo.”

“What does that mean?” Then he felt a surge of panic. “Wait, does he think I’m an asshole or something?”

“No, no,” Amira said quickly. “I mean—I’m sure it isn’t easy making friends somewhere new. I just don’t want…” She trailed off but he really wished Amira would finish that thought. He was confused and had no idea what was going on.

He panicked for a moment; maybe Amira knew. Knew how Matteo felt about men, which, well, whatever. He didn’t think he would mind. But maybe she knew how Matteo felt about David and didn’t think much about it. That would be… he didn’t know, but a feeling of unease settled in his stomach. Was he going about this all wrong?

Stella started making squeaking noises from the table, and then said into his mind, Matteo, Matteo, Matteo.

He picked her up and carefully held her to his chest.

“I won’t do anything to mess around with him,” Matteo said. “I won’t—I don’t know, hurt him? Is that what you think I’m going to do?”

“Of course you won’t,” Amira said, shaking her head. She sighed. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything at all. I just got—overprotective for a second.”

“Who is she, Jasmine?” Stella muttered, but loud enough to be heard.

Amira laughed, surprised.

“Why don’t Jasmine and Abasi get along?” Matteo asked. It was borderline rude, especially when Abasi suddenly appeared to sit at Amira’s feet.

Amira’s smiled down fondly at him. “History,” she said vaguely. “We had a learning experience with them, about…” She shook her head. “Something that is between us. But someone holds grudges.”

Stella said, looking at Abasi, “You or Jasmine?”

“Yes,” Abasi answered. Stella laughed loudly, startling Matteo but making him smile.

“Oh, there you are,” Mia said, appearing behind Amira. “Sorry it took me a minute. Good to go?”

“Let’s do it,” Amira said. She waited until Hanna and Mia and their daemons filed out, but then turned to Matteo. “Want to study on Friday? Before we go out for Abdi’s birthday? I’m going to the school for a couple hours.”

Matteo made a face. “Bio isn’t for weeks.” They still had another week of exams plus Easter holidays before exams started up again. Bio wasn’t until nearly the end.

“Yes, but I have time on Friday,” she said. “And I might not be studying for Bio anyway, I have other exams first. But you can be part of our study group anyway.”

“Our?” Matteo said.

“Yeah. Me and David are going. Okay, ciao!” she said brightly.

“Text me!” he called out before the door closed. He heard her laughing.

“The soup,” Stella said.

“Oh, shit.” He put her back on the table and tended to the soup.

“What was that all about?” Stella asked.

“No clue,” Matteo said.

**

Studying with Amira was always helpful, as much work for her as it was, dragging Matteo’s ass through stupid science stuff. But studying with Amira and David was a distraction Matteo had a hard time dealing with.

Especially since it wasn’t even biology he was working on.

The three of them sat at a table in the library, each with their own books and notes spread out. Amira and David were both working on German, but Matteo had his history exam next so he focused on that.

Focus wasn’t really the word for it.

David was so close. Sure, he was across from Matteo, but it would be so easy just to stare at him. Their feet kept bumping under the table. Matteo swore he could smell a slight hint of cologne.

It was a lot.

“Fuck history,” he muttered, and let his head fall forward to the table, forehead resting on the book. Stella jostled in his hood and made a disgruntled noise.

“History is important,” David said unhelpfully.

“History is important,” Matteo mimicked, and then made one of Stella’s raspberry sounds.

“Come,” David said. He started tugging at the corner of Matteo’s textbook. “I can quiz you a bit, if that’ll help.”

“Bribing him is the only way to get him to study,” Amira said, not looking up from her notes.

“What could I possibly bribe him with?” David asked, too innocently. Matteo glanced up and David smirked back at him.

“I don’t know,” Matteo said, just as innocently. “Something good, I bet.”

“Answer ten out of fifteen questions right,” David said, “and I’ll pay for your next bus fare.”

Stella laughed.

It wasn’t exactly what Matteo wanted, but he hadn’t been brave enough to voice it, unsure if he should flirt that blatantly because he didn’t know if David would appreciate it in front of Amira.

Then again. He had smirked at Matteo in that way. A way that promised more.

“Fine,” Matteo said.

“No help from Stella,” David said.

“As if she’d know anything about history that wasn’t the American Revolution.”

David gave him a confused look. Stella started singing Hamilton. Badly.

“You’re going to bust my eardrums!” Matteo playfully complained.

“Asshole,” Stella said from her hiding spot. She made her way out of his hood, and nipped at his ear.

“Ow!” He reached up for her, and sat up, swinging her around. “Brat.”

“Put me down, I want to see Jasmine,” Stella said, squirming.

Amira glanced up sharply from her notes, as did Abasi where he was curled up at the table corner, but Matteo pretended not to notice. He set Stella on the floor and Stella’s little nails clicked on the tile while she made her way to Jasmine.

“So,” David said, as if nothing was out of the ordinary with a tiny ferret daemon who sang musicals visited his large cat one, “what chapter do you want me to test you on?”

“Six!” Stella yelled from under the table.

“Six it is,” David said, and riffled through the pages. “Is that because you know it, or you don’t?”

“As if he knows any of it,” Stella said.

“Someone has her sass back,” Amira said, a little smile playing on her lips.

“It never left,” Matteo said, pretending he didn’t notice the curious look on David’s face. “Believe me. It’s just not everyone had to hear it. Lucky them.”

“Up yours, Matteo,” Stella said loudly. “Now focus and get this right so we don’t have to walk home. Hi, Jasmine.”

“Hello, Stella,” Jasmine said in her smooth voice. They were both quiet and Matteo couldn’t see them from where he sat, but David looked down fondly. It comforted Matteo. Stella was fine.

Matteo wiggled his fingers at David. “Hit me.”

“Okay,” David said, “in what year did—”

Matteo bent his head down and listened closely.

**

It took way too long to answer fifteen questions. Matteo carefully considered each one before answering. At one point Stella told him she could smell the smoke coming out of his ears. But he tried, because David was helping and encouraging and smiled sweetly any time Matteo got one right.

“Ten out of fifteen,” David said. “Not bad. We’ll go for eleven next time.”

Matteo beamed at him.

“I’m not even needed here, am I?” Amira muttered.

“I know shit about bio,” David said, shaking his head. “I’m not helping him with that.”

“Guess you’re stuck with me,” Matteo said.

“It’s okay,” David and Amira said at once. Amira laughed and David’s cheeks went an adorable pink.

“Jasmine,” Stella said, “I feel sorry for both of them. Getting stuck with that guy is the worst.”

Even Abasi laughed at that one.

**

It wasn’t long before Matteo’s brain hurt too much, and looking at the page in the textbook took an effort he was drained of. He pardoned himself from the table, scooping Stella up from the floor. She’d been stretched out on her side in a way that surprisingly mimicked Jasmine, and she protested being forced to leave.

“I need a smoke,” Matteo said.

“Don’t mess up your brain right now,” Stella said.

“Just a cigarette.”

“How about you don’t mess up your lungs?”

“She has a point,” Amira called out as Matteo walked away.

“Enough out of all of you,” Matteo said, a little more crossly than he meant. Shit, he needed a break.

It wasn’t far to the side door he usually snuck out of to have a smoke, so he made his way there, putting his neck warmer into the door again to make sure they didn’t get locked out.

He popped a cigarette into his mouth, but his mobile buzzed in his pocket before he had a chance to light it. He pulled it out and looked at the notif.

DAD:

He didn’t bother sitting on the cement barrier. Instead he sank down to the cold ground and leaned up against it. His drew up his knees and rested his forearms on them. The mobile dangled in one hand.

“Are you going to look at it?” Stella asked from his shoulder.

The other message from a week ago hadn’t been looked at either. Maybe it wasn’t that important. His dad had let a whole week go before contacting him again. It was probably nothing.

“I think we should at least look,” Stella said softly. She didn’t sound upset or sassy or anything anymore. She leaned her cheek against Matteo’s.

“Yeah,” he said around the unlit smoke. He sighed and thumbed across the mobile, unlocking the screen. He opened WhatsApp.

[Friday]
DAD:
I’d like to speak to you soon. I have some news.
22:02

[Today]
DAD:
I’m sure you’re busy with studying. But please contact me soon. I have something to tell you.
15:30

Matteo stared at the screen. It’d been weeks since he heard from his dad. The last time they talked about Matteo wanting to move out and Dad giving him money for rent. He’d gotten a second deposit a couple weeks ago and he’d sent a thank you, and Dad hadn’t even replied to that. And now there was this.

He didn’t know how long he sat staring at his mobile, with Stella pressed close to his neck. He came out of his fog when he heard the door squeak open.

Jasmine came through and she stopped short when she saw Matteo and Stella. David followed, and he did the same, standing at Jasmine’s side.

“Hey,” David said cautiously.

“Hey.” Matteo put his mobile and the unlit cigarette into his pocket.

“Everything okay?”

Matteo sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. “Just family stuff,” he eventually answered. Everything wasn’t okay, but seeing David and his concern did something different this week. He hadn’t fallen so low, this time, so now it lifted him differently.

“Okay,” David said. He didn’t press into it. “Amira had to go, so I brought you your stuff.” He held out Matteo’s rucksack, which Matteo hadn’t even noticed was in his hand. David’s own bag was slung over his shoulder.

“Cool. Thanks.”

“No problem.”

Matteo sat there staring up at David. David stared back. Matteo found he didn’t want to leave—at least, he didn’t want to leave David’s company.

“Want to go somewhere?” Matteo pushed up off the ground.

David tilted his head. “Okay. Where?”

Matteo shrugged. “Anywhere.” He smirked. “You’re buying my ticket, aren’t you?”

“So I am,” David said, smiling. “Come. I have an idea.”

**

It was a bit of a bus ride, and Matteo quizzed David trying to get an idea as to where they were going. David snatched his mobile away when he tried Googling their line to see what stops were along the way.

They even got inspected. Matteo handed over his ticket and smirked at David, who rolled his eyes. Finally, David indicated their stop, and they exited the bus and walked a little. Matteo could see the Ferris wheel sticking above the tops of the trees.

“Wait.” He stopped and smiled at David. “No fucking way. I’ve always wanted to come here.”

“It’s been a long time for me,” David said. “But I think I remember a good way to get in. Come.”

**

David brought him to an abandoned amusement park.

Matteo already knew part of his heart was happily lost to this dude.

**

They approached a low part of the fence, with a gate that was locked, and what looked like a little empty ticket booth to the side. Jasmine was able to jump to the roof of it, and then over the fence, onto the roof of a second ticket booth on the inside, and then landed gracefully on the ground. Without much more effort, David climbed his way between the fence and the ticket booth, over the top to the second roof, and down to the ground.

After planting his feet, he turned back to Matteo, challenge on his face.

“You can do this, can’t you?”

Stella climbed up the rucksack and onto Matteo’s shoulder. She squeaked. “Are you kidding? You want us up that?”

“You don’t have to.” Matteo walked up to the gate and put her on the ground. She squeezed through two bars.

“Oh thank fuck,” Stella said.

“Afraid of heights?” Jasmine asked.

“Enough out of you,” Stella snapped. “Not all of us can freakishly jump.” She shuddered. “Not that we want to.”

“Yup,” Jasmine said. “Afraid of heights.”

Stella stuck out her tongue.

“If you’re done,” Matteo said. He was able to squeeze his rucksack through too, because unlike David who wore his while climbing over, it’d throw off Matteo’s already awful balance.

It took more of an effort, but Matteo got up on to the ticket booth and over the gate, to the second ticket booth, and then almost fell to his ass but managed not to break anything.

“Nice,” David said. “Graceful.”

“Not all of us are freakishly athletic.” Matteo bent over with his hands on his knees to catch his breath. David laughed.

“Come on,” David said. “Let’s begin an adventure.”

The amusement park was creepy but in the best way possible.

“These dinosaurs are extinct. Like, for real,” Matteo said. “Or in some sort of apocalyptic land.”

“If it was the apocalypse for dinosaurs, wouldn’t that just be... today?”

“We’re living in an apocalypse right now?” Matteo stopped his steps and looked around.

They entered a little area of the park that was possibly supposed to be a Jurassic design. There were statues of dinosaurs; a T-Rex, stegosaurus, and a random woolly mammoth.

The T-Rex was missing his arms, as small as they would have been, the stegosaurus had no head, and the woolly mammoth was missing its long curling tusks.

“Yeah,” Matteo said. “I totally believe this. It is the apocalypse.”

“For these guys, anyway,” David said, pointing to the triceratops that was toppled over.

“For this entire park, I think.”

“There was a little village at some point,” David said. “Like. Based on old England, maybe? But it burned down, along with other stuff. After the park was closed, but people were in it, like us.” He paused significantly. “Please don’t have a smoke right now. No setting shit on fire.”

Matteo laughed. “I won’t, I won’t.”

They came to the Ferris wheel, and Matteo looked up, up, up the rusted, paint peeled iron to the bucket seats at the top. It creaked in the slight breeze.

“Don’t even think about it,” Stella said from her spot in his rucksack.

“Shit, no,” Matteo said. “Get stuck up there? No fucking way.”

“So it’s not only Stella afraid of heights?” David asked teasingly.

“Not afraid of heights,” Matteo said. He looked to the very top of the Ferris wheel. “Just of falling from them.” He pointed. “Even if that was fully operational, I wouldn’t go on it. Fuck no.”

“Hear, hear,” Stella said.

“I suppose we all have our things,” David said.

“I suppose we do. What’s yours?” Matteo asked, eyeing David.

“We’re perfect,” Jasmine said, from where she was leading them along from a few feet ahead.

Matteo didn’t feel inclined to disagree, even though Stella said, “Ha!”

“Don’t be a little rat,” Jasmine said. Stella gasped.

“Jasmine,” David said.

“Let me out!” Stella said crossly.

“Stella, she can—”

“Let me out!”

“Fine,” Matteo said. He slipped the rucksack off and put it on the ground but Stella wiggled out by herself. “This is your funeral. Which would make it my funeral. So don’t get eaten by Jasmine.”

“Oh as if she would even,” muttered Stella. Stella went towards Jasmine, who sat on her haunches now, looking all too amused at Stella’s stormy little face.

Stella stopped two feet from Jasmine, put her little front leg in the air, circled it twice and then gave what looked like a fist pump straight up.

“Stella,” Matteo admonished, even as he tried not to laugh.

Jasmine looked entirely unimpressed. She looked at David. David shrugged and looked at Matteo.

“She just gave Jasmine the middle finger,” Matteo explained. They’d come up with it years ago after she had settled permanently as a ferret, and only she and him, plus Jonas and his daemon, knew what it meant. He was surprised she did it now. “Her version of it, anyway. She can’t actually give the middle finger because, you know, paws. So she does that instead.”

“Let me demonstrate again,” Stella said. She circled her front leg twice and pumped it straight into the air. “Take that!”

“Yes,” Jasmine said dryly. “That was... threatening.” She yawned.

Stella gasped again. “Don’t be an asshole!”

“Stellabella,” Matteo admonished. That was going too far.

And then.

“Oh shit,” Matteo said as Stella spun around to glare at him.

“Did you just—”

“No,” Matteo lied.

“You did!” Stella charged at Matteo’s feet and attacked the bottom of Matteo’s jeans, scratching and biting.

To absolutely no effect whatsoever.

Matteo stood still, arms hung at his sides limply, watching his ferret daemon try to rip the cuff of his jeans. He looked at David pleadingly.

“Can you forget I said that?”

David looked like he was about to burst out laughing. He bit down on his bottom lip and his eyes were alight with amusement.

“Forget what? You calling her beautiful star?” David grinned. “I think it’s cute. Should it be bella Stella though?” He shook his head. “I don’t know Italian. Is it Stella bella?”

Matteo could hear him say it as two words. He shook his head. “It’s her name.”

“Nooo!” screeched Stella.

“All one word,” Matteo continued at David’s interest. “S-T-E-L-L-A-B-E-L-L-A.”

Like with all daemons, the human’s parents name them at birth. Matteo’s mom named Stellabella in one of her more fanciful moments, Matteo was pretty sure. A young German mother wanting to impress her new Italian husband. Matteo and Stellabella.

Stella stopped attacking Matteo’s ankle and spun toward David, who was so surprised by her attention he took a couple involuntary steps backwards. “No one but Matteo and Mama calls me that.” She spun to Jasmine too. “Do you hear me?”

David held up his hands placatingly. “Understood. Jasmine?”

“Yes,” Jasmine said. “Although it is a very fitting name.”

“You mean for a rat,” Stella said bitterly. She was sensitive about her name and her form.

“I’m sorry,” Jasmine said, sounding sincere. “It’s a beautiful name for a beautiful star.”

“And don’t you forget it,” Stella harrumphed.

“Are we okay now?” Matteo scooped her up. He held her under the arms and cupped her bottom, making sure her back was to David and Jasmine so they couldn’t see her belly. “Are you going to stop being a pain in the ass?”

“I’m mad at you, you asshole.” Still, she rubbed her nose against his. He was forgiven.

As long as David and Jasmine never called her that. The second they did, he was going to hear about it. Possibly forever.

“Okay,” Matteo said. “Up or down?”

“Down,” Stella said. He put her on the ground. “Until I’m tired.” She went all of three feet and then plopped down. “Okay, up.”

“No fucking way, you lazy ass.”

“Me?” But she laughed and got up, scuttling as fast as she could to catch up with Jasmine.

He felt a little tug, right behind his bellybutton. Stella couldn’t go as far from him as Jasmine did from David, but Matteo picked up his pace a tiny bit, trying to be nonchalant, and they settled into a formation that worked for them all.

Which was good. The last thing he needed after the name debacle was to also have a reaction to being too far from Stella. Neither of them needed that embarrassment.

“She sure is something,” David said under his breath. He’d fallen into step beside Matteo.

“Who, Stella? She’s a pain in the ass,” Matteo said, fondly.

“Sure. Aren’t they all?”

“Come on. Jasmine is pretty cool.”

“We can hear you,” Stella said over her shoulder. “But, hey, keep telling us how awesome we are.”

“Awful,” Matteo said.

“A disgrace,” David agreed.

Stella snorted. Then she said something to Jasmine. Jasmine stopped, looked down at her and considered, and then kneeled down. Stella scrambled up onto her back and settled there. Jasmine kept walking. Matteo hoped Stella told her not to go too fast or too far.

Still. It was shocking.

“Uh,” David said.

“Stella is lazy,” Matteo said. “Well, no, she’s just little. It frustrates her sometimes.” Or it used to, when she felt like being more independent. Matteo has been carrying her around for months on end.

He hoped David didn’t mind. He hoped this was okay. Because he, Matteo, was full of hope at seeing this. Not only was Stella getting along with another daemon, any other daemon, even after her little outburst, but it was David’s daemon.

“Jasmine feels bad for what she said,” David said, as if that explained it.

“Stella does not,” Matteo said, and David laughed.

They walked a bit more, looking at the pirate ship in a moss-covered swamp, and the terrifying looking swan boats shored to the side that should be floating along with passengers. They took pictures of the cool, abandoned things, and video of them being stupid and silly.

Eventually, they past where the loading for a roller coaster would have been and followed the rusted tracks.

The sun was weakening, setting further into the trees, and the air got colder around them. They’d probably have to leave soon, and Matteo was about to suggest it when they heard Stella ahead of them exclaim in excitement.

“Oh, there!” Stella cried out from her perch near Jasmine’s neck. “Jasmine, that way, go that way.”

Matteo and David picked up their pace as Jasmine followed Stella’s directions. It was along the tracks for the roller coaster, but they came to tunnel the tracks disappeared into. The tunnel was framed by a giant artistic wild cat’s face, and the tracks went into the open maw.

“Cool!” Stella leapt down from Jasmine’s back. Matteo came forward and picked her up, and kept walking. They went into the mouth of the tunnel.

“Let’s follow it,” Matteo said over his shoulder. “See what’s on the other side.”

“More tracks. More trees.” David pointed. “You can see the other side from here.”

“Yeah, but let’s go on an adventure,” Matteo said, echoing David’s earlier words. Matteo went deeper into the tunnel. He pulled out his mobile to turn on the flashlight, just in case. He didn’t want to step on some rusted nails or something.

“It’s okay. You two go. We’ll walk around.”

“What? Join us?” Why wouldn’t they just come?

“Someone,” Stella said loudly in a sing-song voice, “is afraid of the daaaaark.”

Matteo paused and turned around. David and Jasmine were standing at the mouth of the tunnel, backlit by the setting sun.

“Is that true?” He grinned.

“No,” David said shortly. Jasmine didn’t deign them with an answer.

“Yes,” Stella and Matteo said at once.

“No.”

Matteo made his way back toward the tunnel entrance, grinning. “You sure about that?”

“Put me down,” Stella said softly. When he felt there was enough light for her, he put her down on the ground. She hurried over to Jasmine.

David stood with his hands in his pockets, rolled back onto the heels of his feet, and looked into the tunnel. Not that there was much to see.

“It’s not scary,” Matteo said.

“This park is old. You don’t know what’s in there,” David said.

“Dead bodies,” Stella answered.

“We saw three,” Matteo added.

David rolled his eyes. “Ha ha.”

“Okay, okay,” Matteo said. He stepped into the light, leaving the dark behind him. “If you don’t want to, you don’t have to. I don’t want to stress you out.”

“I’m not stressed,” David said immediately. “It’s fine.”

“Feeling good?”

“Of course.”

“Best ever?” Matteo prompted with a grin. He stepped closer to David.

“Eh.” David smirked. “Could be better.”

“Bet I can help.”

“Can you? How?”

Matteo took the last step in, and kissed him.

It was brief but perfect. David’s lips were soft but solid. Matteo couldn’t believe this boy in front of him allowed Matteo to do this. Welcomed it. Matteo pulled his mouth away, leaning his forehead against David’s. They both exhaled, their clouds of breath mingling in the chilling air.

“Better?” Matteo whispered.

“Better,” David said. “Let’s make it the best ever.”

David’s hand gripped Matteo by the back of the neck and pulled him in tighter. They kissed. They kissed and they kissed, lips soft and then hard and biting and soft again. Hands gripped hair, and lightly caressed cheeks, and the air around them turned warm and enveloping.

They pulled apart only to rest their foreheads against each other again.

“Best,” David said, his fingers curling tight in the front of Matteo’s jacket.

They both startled when, in the distance, a dog barked.

“Shit,” Matteo whispered.

“I think there’s security, more often at night,” David said. The sun was nearly set, so that made sense. “We should go.”

Matteo nodded, though he didn’t feel terribly inclined to leave David’s embrace. “Want to go back to mine?”

“What about the party?”

Matteo shook his head, the long pieces of his hair brushing the end of David’s nose. David smiled softly. “I’m really not in the mood for a lot of people.”

“Just us?” David said. “I’m so okay with that.”

Matteo nodded. “Cool.”

“But can we—” He paused for a moment again when there was another dog bark. It still sounded far but it could be dangerous. “My place? Let’s go.” He let go of his tight grip on Matteo’s front but took his hand.

Matteo raised David’s hand to his lips and kissed his palm, right along the heart line.

David smiled. “Come.”

Matteo followed, making sure Stella was secure on Jasmine’s back, and the four of them made their way quickly and quietly out of the park.

You okay with this? Matteo asked into Stella’s mind as they made their way to the bus stop, when she was back in the comfort of his rucksack.

Get it, she said, and it was all he could do to not giddily laugh out loud.

**

Matteo liked David’s room. There were sketches pinned on the wall. Art supplies strewn across a desk. Plants livening up the space to give it life. A pillow in the corner that Jasmine curled up on with Stella fitting her way in there too.

David’s large bed with soft covers.

They stayed up late into the night, lying next to each other. Talking about anything and everything. Stupid random shit. Deep ideas.

But mostly, they kissed.

They kissed and kissed and Matteo wasn’t sure he’d ever, ever get enough.

**

The daemons ventured over to them, eventually, probably at Stella’s urging. It’d been a long time since she’d spent hours away from him. Not that she was far, but she relied on physical contact. They both did. Matteo leaned over the side of the bed to scoop her up, placing her on his chest, his hand resting firmly on her back. He could feel the tension, the anxiety, that must have been building up as time went on, drain right out of her, relaxing her into this space again. It was good for him too; he felt less like his tether was coming undone, less like he would float away on kisses. She was grounding.

Jasmine walked around the other side of the bed, and her large head rested on David’s hip. David ran fingers over her head, down her nose, and lightly caressed her big ears.

“Matteo,” Stella said sleepily. “It’s so late.”

“You going to stay tonight?” David asked, so softly, as if not to shatter the beautiful little bubble they all were in.

Matteo turned his head to him. God, how he wanted to. “Can we?”

David took a moment, but then nodded his head. “Yes. If you want. We’d like that.”

Stella’s little paws curled into Matteo’s sweater. She didn’t have to speak into his mind for him to know what she thought.

“Stella would have to sleep up here, though,” Matteo said. “We—” God, how does he explain? How can he? All humans and their daemons were attached, literally couldn’t be separated, but Matteo and Stella’s dependency was on another level right now, one that was hard and embarrassing to explain. Especially for Stella, as far as she was concerned, and Matteo wouldn’t do or say anything to make her feel worse.

“That’s okay,” David said.

“She’d stay on this side of the bed, of course,” Matteo said. “You don’t have to worry about accidentally hitting her or anything.”

“I know,” David said. “I trust you.”

Matteo’s chest swelled. “Okay. We’ll stay.”

David turned onto his side toward Matteo, and put his hand lightly on Matteo’s hip but away from Stella. He leaned in and kissed Matteo’s shoulder, then his cheek, and Matteo turned his head enough to get a couple sweet, soft kisses.

“Good,” David said softly. “Get some sleep.”

“Hmmm.” Matteo wished he could stay like this. Or that he could curl towards David and hold him close and fall asleep with David in his arms. But he knew his responsibility, he knew where his soul was. Instead, he smiled sleepily, happily, at David and turned on his side, his back to David so he could curl around Stella protectively.

David did the same, facing away from Matteo, but their backs leaned against each other, and their legs intertwined at the ankles, and it was perfect.

Matteo drifted off peacefully.

After a while, there was a jostle on the bed and Matteo instinctively held Stella closer. He didn’t open his eyes but made a questioning noise.

“It’s okay,” David said softly, and Matteo relaxed. There was a brush of a kiss against his shoulder. “I’ll be right back.”

“‘Kay,” Matteo mumbled. He blinked his eyes opened enough to see David leave the room, closing the door softly behind him. Matteo tried to keep himself awake, but Stella snuffled and curled closer to him.

The door creaked open again, and Matteo blinked his eyes open once more to see David come back in. The bed dipped behind Matteo, and he got another kiss to the shoulder. David shifted around so they were back to back again, this time pulling a comforter up over them.

Matteo was warm and comfortable and safe, and easily fell back to sleep.

**

Matteo woke up again when he heard the door creak open again. The gauzy curtains didn’t keep out the sun, and the room was bathed in a dim light. Matteo caught sight of Jasmine’s orange and black tail disappearing out the door, and it closed softly after her.

“Did they just leave us?” Stella asked. She was curled against his pillow, near the top edge of the bed.

There were creak of floorboards in the flat, and another door closing.

“They’ll be back,” Matteo said. He stretched out his arms and his legs, arching his back, but then curled up into himself again. The door opened again a little later, and the smell of caffeine entered the room with Jasmine and David.

“Hmm, morning,” Matteo said.

“Hey,” David said softly. He put one mug down on the bedside table next to Matteo. “I don’t know how you take it. I can grab cream or sugar if you want.”

“Black’s fine,” Matteo said, rolling onto his back again. He pushed down the covers, getting too hot in his jeans and sweater.

David sat on the bed next to Matteo’s hip. He leaned in and kissed Matteo softly on the lips. Matteo could get used to this.

David pushed back Matteo’s messy hair. “Do you have to be anywhere today?”

Matteo shook his head. Even if he did, he’d drop it in a second. “No. You?”

“Yes,” David said, a bit regretfully, but he smiled. “I’m meeting Leonie and Sara to study. But not for a couple hours.”

“Good,” Matteo said, grabbing at David’s hips. “Then come back to bed.” David laughed and put down his mug of coffee next to the one he brought Matteo. Once safe, Matteo pulled him down, across his body and to the space on the bed next to him, even though Matteo was half-crushed under him.

“Ugh, get off me,” Matteo said, and started to push at David. It ended in light wrestling match, each trying to gain control and pin the other down. Stella made an annoyed noise and jumped off the bed before she got hit by either of them.

“Boys,” she complained loudly. Matteo was too busy trying to pin David down to pay much attention to where she went. It wouldn’t be far.

It ended with Matteo being pinned down at the wrists, and oh, that was—David kissed him firmly, biting his bottom lip. Then he relaxed to the bed and they curled up beside each other, their kisses turning soft and exploring.

**

“Do you believe in parallel universes?”

Matteo blew the smoke of his joint toward the ceiling, pondering David’s question. He’d had a joint in his jacket pocket and David hadn’t mind that he’d lit it. He offered it to David, who was lying on the bed next to him but top to toe. Matteo’s feet were off the end of the bed, while David’s rested on the wall at the top of the bed. They lay with their heads next to each other. David took the joint and had a hit.

“Like. Other Davids and Matteos out in the world?” Matteo asked.

“Yup.”

“Different decisions making our lives different? Or, something like fate? Where, maybe we were born somewhere else and grew up differently, but we’d still end up meeting?”

David placed the joint back into Matteo’s mouth, and considered the question before exhaling the smoke.

“Both. Either. What do you think?”

“I think I believe in fate, yes,” Matteo said. He believed he was meant to meet David. That their lives were destined to intertwine the way they had. He had to feel this way, so strongly, so quickly, for a reason. “But what if there was fate in all parallel universes?”

“So, a David and Matteo growing up in, I don’t know,” David said, grinning. “Norway. They meet.”

“Yes. Exactly.” Matteo said. He put out the joint in his empty coffee mug, and set it on the floor. Then he turned to his face to David’s. “They meet while... I don’t know, skiing.”

“In what universe,” Stella said from her spot on David’s desk chair, “could you ever know how to ski?”

David laughed when Matteo rolled his eyes. “Fine. We’re in... Belgium.”

“I love waffles!” Stella said.

“You love eating the strawberries off mine,” Matteo said.

“Spain,” Jasmine offers.

“What would we do in Spain?” David pondered.

“What do you do in Germany?” Jasmine retorted. “Live life. I don’t think you have to be doing anything specific.”

“The cancan in Paris!” Stella said excitedly. She started humming some upbeat song from Moulin Rouge. Matteo laughed in surprise when Jasmine joined her.

“I’ve had to hear that song a million times,” David said in a faux whisper.

“Me too,” Matteo said. “Along with the entire fucking soundtrack. It’s all your fault.”

“Do the cancan!” Stella sang happily.

“Okay, Paris is out of the question,” Matteo said. “Forever.”

“Nooooo!” Stella protested.

“Let’s pick tulips,” Jasmine said. “In the Netherlands.”

David’s face broke into a wide smile. “I’ve always wanted to go to Amsterdam.”

“Well,” Matteo said, grinning. “In a parallel universe, you’re already there.”

“Why does it have to be Europe?” Stella pondered. “It could be America.”

“Is she going to start singing about the American revolution now?” David asked with a laugh.

“Likely,” Matteo said. “Quick, something that has nothing to do with that.”

“Cowboys,” David said.

“Cowboys in… Texas?” Matteo said, grasping for a reference. He thought that was right.

“You cannot pull off a cowboy hat,” Stella said. Jasmine laughed.

“Hey,” Matteo said, “I can pull off hats.”

“Yeah,” Stella said. “Your Italian ones that look like an old grandpa.”

“That I have to see. Is Italy one of the parallel universes?” David asked. “Or it wouldn’t be anything different since you already are Italian.”

“Half-Italian,” Matteo said. “There’s a fully Italian Matteo out there, born and raised. And he’s going to meet his Italian David, if he already hasn’t.”

David’s cheeks blushed pink, and he leaned in for a kiss. Matteo happily obliged, sighing into it when David’s hand came up to play with the hair at the back of Matteo’s head.

They broke apart, but barely. “I don’t know if I believe in fate,” David said quietly. “I don’t like the thought of everything being predetermined. I want to have free will. I want to choose.”

“Oh,” Matteo said, trying to push aside the doubt creeping in.

“But I don’t see how I couldn’t choose you in every universe,” David said.

“Oh,” Matteo repeated, happier. So happy he could burst.

Instead, he kissed David, over and over and over.

**

Leaving David’s flat was probably the most difficult thing Matteo has had to do in months. He liked the comfort of their little bubble, the closeness with David, with Jasmine and Stella hanging around with each other, keeping to themselves but interjecting into the conversation when they wanted.

It was perfect. It was everything Matteo could ever want with a guy.

“Can I see you soon?” Matteo asked as he said goodbye. His forehead leaned against David’s.

David smiled, closed lipped but like he was trying not to burst with it. “Yes,” David said. “Yes, I’d like that.”

Matteo kissed David once more, than forced himself to step away. “Okay. I’ll text you.”

“You better,” David said. He opened the door, and lightly pushed on Matteo’s shoulder. “Go, go.”

“Soon,” Matteo said, and forced himself to go down the stairs.

Stella was uncharacteristically quiet, but when they got to the bus stop, she crawled out of Matteo’s pocket. He held her up in front of his face and she rubbed her nose against his.

“I’m happy for you,” she said. “For us.”

He nuzzled her back. “Me too.”

**

It was on the bus ride home that Matteo finally looked at his mobile. He hadn’t paid any attention to it at all while with David, other than asking to plug it in for a few minutes on David’s charger so it didn’t go completely dead.

There were a number of messages from the night before. Most of them from the guys, wondering where he was, telling him he was still on the VIP list. They seemed to have given up after a while, though he got a couple of good pictures sent to him.

[ok.cool.]

MATTEO:
Sorry bros. Something came up last night.
Looks like you had a good time.
Happy birthday Abdi
16:04

A private message from Jonas came through.

JONAS:
You ok?
This about your parents?
16:07

MATTEO:
Yeah I’m ok.
Sort of. Can we get together sometime soon?
16:10

JONAS:
Absolutely.
16:11

Matteo stared at his mobile and tried to calm his beating heart.

“It’s time,” Stella said. “Isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Matteo said. “I think so.”

Matteo made plans with Jonas for later that week, after they’d done the studying the needed to before the Easter break.

Until then. Matteo had an idea to help occupy his time.

**

“I’m not sure this was the smartest idea,” David said. That didn’t stop him from tilting his head so Matteo could kiss beneath his ear.

“What are you talking about?” Matteo sucked lightly. “Best idea ever.”

David pushed Matteo’s shoulder so that Matteo fell back onto his bed. “We’re supposed to be studying. Don’t you have an exam tomorrow?”

Matteo made a disgruntled noise. “Bah, exam. Who cares?”

David and Jasmine had come over to Matteo’s flat. It was Monday afternoon and, yes, Matteo wrote his History exam the next day. They were supposed to be studying. Matteo preferred this distraction.

He reached for David, pulling him down on top of him, and kissed him hard. David melted into him, kissing him back, but then pulled away suddenly.

“No,” David said, though he smiled. “Not yet. We need to study.”

“We studied for hours and hours,” Matteo whined, flopping back onto the bed completely. David remained sitting next to his hip, hand on the bed to the other side, hovering over him. Matteo liked this so much.

“We studied for one hour.”

“Yeah, but we deserve a break for it.”

“Whatever you’re doing,” Stella said, “shut up so we can watch this!”

Stella and Jasmine were sitting on the chair in Matteo’s room, Jasmine fitting her large cat body right into it while Stella laid on the wide armrest. His laptop was set up on the table and they were watching a musical. Matteo could hear the upbeat songs.

“Shhh,” David said. “The daemons.”

“Shhh,” Matteo said mockingly. “The daemons.”

“Shut up, both of you!” Stella said. Jasmine grunted in agreement.

David giggled, putting his head down on Matteo’s collarbone. Matteo’s hand immediately wound into the thick hair on the back of his head, before trailing down and stroking the back of his neck.

“Seriously, though,” David said, sitting back up. “We do have to study.”

Matteo’s grunt echoed Jasmine’s.

“Tell you what,” David said. “Two more hours of steady studying, and then you and I can curl up with a movie.”

“With us!” Stella said.

“That’s a given,” David said to Matteo. “But still.”

“What if,” Matteo said. “Two more hours of steady studying, then we just make out right here while the daemons watch a movie over there.”

“You drive a hard bargain,” David said seriously. “But I can work with that.”

Matteo tried to pull David back down, but David pushed off the bed completely. “Starting right now.”

“Ugh,” Matteo said. Then David bent down, pressing a quick kiss to his lips.

“A preview for later. A promise, even.”

“Tease,” Matteo said, but he got out of bed and went to sit at his desk. “What if—”

“Oh, no. No trying to lessen the study time,” David said.

Matteo shook his head. “No, not that. What if I do study for an hour, but then you quiz me? That helped, I think.”

David smiled softly. “I can do that.”

**

They made it through the study session. By the end of it, Matteo felt much more prepared than he had for Spanish, so he might actually pass this fucking thing.

David pressing him into the bed and peppering him with reward kisses really was the best incentive, though.

Matteo didn’t know how long they kissed, with Matteo’s laid on his back and David on top of him. They kissed and kissed and Matteo can’t believe how perfect this was. Eventually, his hand drifted down and found its way under David’s heavy grey sweater. David’s skin at the small of his back was soft and warm.

David froze.

His entire body seized. He stopped kissing Matteo, pulled back a fraction, but looked like he couldn’t move another inch.

“Sorry,” Matteo said softly, pulling his hand back out from David’s sweater.

David’s mouth opened, as if he wanted to say something, but then closed. Opened again and closed. He shook his head in the most minute way, as if trying to shake himself out of something. Or shake words of his mouth.

“It’s okay,” Matteo said truthfully. The last thing he wanted was to push. He hadn’t meant to.

“I—” David’s weak voice died without any more words.

“Seriously,” Matteo said. He found David’s hand, took it in his, and Matteo pulled it up to his lips. He kissed David’s palm right on the heart line. “Slow. We can go as slow as you need. Whatever you want.”

David exhaled, and his entire body melted against Matteo’s again. David didn’t answer him, but kissed him, and Matteo could do that forever.

**

They eventually emerged for food. Matteo ordered them pizza and went to answer the buzzer. Hans was in the kitchen with Fran.

“There you are, butterfly! I was thinking of cooking some dinner.”

“Got pizza,” Matteo said, buzzing the guy up. “But there’s enough if you want a couple pieces.”

Hans closed the fridge door. “Sounds good.”

“With pineapple!” Stella said from Matteo’s shoulder.

“Even better,” Hans said.

“Hey,” David said, rounding the corner into the hallway. Hans couldn’t see him right away, but he perked up with interest. David held out a ten Euro note to Matteo. “To help pay.”

“It’s okay, I said I would get it,” Matteo said. He silently wished David would just go back to the bedroom, just because he knew Hans would make a big deal and he was already nervous about scaring David away, but that wasn’t his luck. David stopped next to Matteo, right in the doorway of the kitchen. Jasmine poked her head around to see into the room too.

“Oh, hello,” Hans said happily. He held out his hand to David. “I’m Hans.”

David shook his hand. “David.”

“David, one of my roommates, Hans. Hans, this is David from my school. We’re studying.”

“On a pizza break. Good idea,” Hans said. He glanced down at Jasmine and then up at David. “You were at our party! I don’t think we got a chance to talk.”

Matteo was distracted by the knock on the door, but he paid the pizza guy, thankful that David forgot to hand over the note in his hand, and got back to the conversation at hand as quick as he could.

“P.E.! Good for you,” Hans was saying. “Sports was never my thing. Not like that.”

“I thought you liked hitting balls,” Matteo said, ignoring the faux scandalized look on Hans’ face. David’s eyes went wide and his lips pursed, in that way Matteo now recognized as biting back his laughter.

“You’re such a brat,” Hans said fondly. “I’ll forgive you for some pizza.”

“Deal,” Matteo said, and let Hans grab a couple pieces before he ushered David back to his room. No way was he letting the two of them get into it right now.

“Your roommate’s cool,” David said after he settled onto Matteo’s bed, leaning up against the triangle cushion.

Matteo was on the armchair with Stella. Matteo wished he was with David, on the bed and ready to curl up into his arms after they ate, but he could tell Stella needed his company too. Sitting through a couple movies by herself was a lot for her, but still Matteo was proud.

“Yeah, he is,” Matteo said. “Don’t tell him I said that. He’d never let me hear the end of it. There’s also Linn, who is kinda quiet but cool. And Mia. The one who interrupted us after the party.” Matteo rolled his eyes. “She goes to our school too. Do you know her?”

“Friend of Amira’s?”

“Yup.”

David nodded. “Met her in passing. Why are you here? Instead of with your parents.”

Matteo didn’t want to get into it, not really. It’d be yet another thing that scared David away. Matteo shrugged. He picked a piece of pineapple off his pizza and handed it to Stella.

“My parents split,” he said. “My dad went back to Italy. My mom is…”

How does he explain his mom.

He shrugged. “It was time for me to go. I mean, I love her,” he said quickly, so that David didn’t think it was something truly awful. “But I can’t live with her.”

“I get that,” David said, and didn’t push. Matteo appreciated it.

They finished their pizza and Matteo was about to suggest watching a movie together this time, when David mentioned it was getting late.

“I should go,” he said. He reached over and put his plate and napkin on the bedside table.

“You could stay,” Matteo said. “If you want to.”

“I’d like to,” David said. He sounded uncertain, and he opened his mouth as if to say something. Then he shook his head. “But not tonight.”

“Ever?” Matteo said.

“I hope so. Can we just get through exams?”

“I can agree to those terms,” Matteo said. “If you go out on a date with me in the meantime, at least.”

David smiled. “You want to go on a date with me?”

“Fucking duh,” Stella said from where she was now curled up on Matteo’s lap.

Matteo stroked a hand down Stella’s back. Then he burst out laughing when Jasmine jumped onto the bed with David.

“Jasmine!” David exclaimed. He tried pushing at her but laughed when she wiggled her way up beside him, despite all the space, and nearly pushed him right off.

Matteo stared. He’d never seen them like this. Jasmine was always so reserved, but here she was, playful and cute. The two of them were painfully adorable.

She rubbed her face against his, head bumping him like any little domestic cat would, and licked his cheek. He scrunched his nose but smiled, and put his arms around her neck, holding her close.

“Is that a yes to the date, then?” Stella said.

“Yes,” David said, muffled under Jasmine’s fur. “Yes.”

“Friday?”

“Afternoon? I have plans with Laura in the evening.”

“Yup. I’ll pick the place this time,” Matteo said.

David’s head emerged from under the blanket of orange and black and white fur that was covering his face. He grinned. “I don’t know if you could top an abandoned amusement park, but you can try.”

“I’ll think of something,” Matteo said, and took another piece of pizza while David packed up his books.

David kissed him goodbye, soft and sweet but quick so he didn’t get dragged back in, but it was still everything Matteo could’ve wanted.

**

The next morning, when Matteo went to find his lucky boxing pen for his exam, he found it clipped onto a folded piece of paper.

Matteo unfolded it to find a sketch done in black pencil. The lines were quick but it was easy to tell what it was.

A sketch of the Moulin Rouge windmill with four figures outside it. Two boys, one tiger, and one little ferret.

Stella looked at the sketch in awe. “You better lock that guy down, and soon.”

“Shut up,” he said, but felt his cheeks heat up.

The back of the picture said Good luck on your exam! You can do it!

He carefully stored the picture away on his desk, fully intending to hang it up when he got back from school.

**

Telling yourself, and your daemon, that it was time to come out to your best friend was a lot easier in theory than in practice.

Matteo and Jonas sat in a small park on a bench eating durum. Stella was next to Matteo’s thigh, and Kathrin was perched on the back of the bench near Jonas’ shoulder.

It was quiet and peaceful. They were nearly the only ones at the park, and there was no one within hearing distance of them.

That didn’t make it any easier. It didn’t make the words tumble out of Matteo’s mouth like he wanted nor guarantee Jonas would easily accept them. Matteo didn’t think Jonas would have a problem with it, at all, but voicing it made it real. More real.

“Is everything okay?” Jonas eventually asked. “Is it your parents?”

Matteo shrugged. “I mean. They’re both trying to reach out to me.”

Jonas was the only person in the world who knew what happened, what had really happened, right after Christmas. He was the one to hold Matteo up before he crumbled to the ground, the one who sat with Matteo a couple long, long nights at the hospital while Matteo’s mom was being assessed. The only one who saw the true extent of what had happened to Stella.

Jonas had been going through his own shit at the time, but he’d still been there for Matteo.

It was all this that should make telling Jonas easier. It didn’t.

“Even your dad?” Jonas asked, surprise in his voice.

“Yeah. I haven’t talked to him yet,” Matteo said, trying to push that guilt down. “But he messaged me the other day. He said he has something to tell me.”

“Any clue what?”

Matteo shook his head. “No.”

“Hmm.” Jonas took a bite of his durum.

“I have something to tell them,” Matteo said. “I just can’t figure out how.”

“Ah, that’s what I’m here for,” Jonas said, grinning. “Come up with some ideas.”

“Kind of.” Stella scrambled up onto his lap. He pulled a tiny piece of meat out of his durum and held it out to her but she shook her head. He popped it into his mouth instead.

“Well, what do you want to tell them?” Jonas asked. He did the same for Kathrin, who did take the piece of proffered meat.

Tell him, Stella said into his head. It’s time.

“About someone I think I might be seeing,” Matteo said.

“What?” Jonas grinned. “You’re seeing someone? Is that where you were the other night?”

Matteo shrugged but couldn’t keep the little grin off his face. “Yeah. Maybe.”

“Tell me about it!”

“I…” Matteo trailed off. “I’m not ready to talk about him yet. Because I don’t know if he’s ready for, uh. It to be talked about.”

There. He did it. He sort of came out. He just didn’t know how David felt about that yet, so he didn’t want to mention him by name.

He looked at Jonas. Jonas watched him carefully. “But,” Matteo said. “I think I should probably tell my parents I’m into guys. Do you think?”

Jonas’ smile was supportive. “Are you ready to talk about it? I mean. This is the first I’m actually hearing about it.”

“But you knew,” Matteo said. “Didn’t you?”

Jonas shrugged. “I don’t know if I knew, but I’m not surprised now that you’ve said something.” He paused. “Are you going to tell other people?”

“I want to tell my parents first,” Matteo said. “And then go from there, I think.”

“Sounds fair.” Jonas went silent, but it was a comfortable quiet.

Matteo exhaled deeply. He put down the wrapper from his food, and Stella climbed up his front. She tucked her head under his ear.

“Proud of you,” she muttered. He leaned his cheek against the top of her head, then she scrambled back down.

“So this guy,” Jonas said eventually, when Matteo was at a loss at what to say next. “Good looking?”

“Fuck yes,” Matteo said.

Jonas laughed warmly. “Good. And he’s not out?”

Matteo shrugged. “We haven’t talked about that yet.” They could have, plenty of times, but it just hadn’t come up. They lived in their own little bubble for now. “I don’t know. It’s… new. We’re still figuring things out. I think.”

He patted Matteo’s shoulder. “Okay, my friend. I’ve got your back.”

Jonas wasn’t an idiot. He could piece it together if he wanted, and may have already, but Matteo trusted him.

“Yeah,” Matteo said, and smiled.

**

After he parted from Jonas, all the energy drained from Matteo. He hadn’t known he was carrying around such stress and worry about coming out to him until after he had. And even though he didn’t have to worry now, that Jonas was okay with it, Matteo felt mentally exhausted.

He went home to have a post-coming out smoke, and also try to figure out how to tell his dad, when a text came in.

DAD:
I don’t know if you’re ignoring me or busy with your Abi, but I really would like to speak to you soon.
16:33

“Well,” Matteo said. He put down his joint. “Isn’t that fucking convienent.”

“You’ve been ignoring him,” Stella said. She was curled on the pillow next to Matteo’s head, and had read the text. “Of course he’s going to try again.”

Matteo sighed. He knew that.

“It’s time,” Stella said softly.

Matteo sighed again. “I know.”

“It’ll be okay,” Stella said. Neither of them knew that for certain, but Matteo felt better about it than he had for a long time.

“I’m going to tell him,” Matteo said. “About me.”

“I know,” Stella said. “You should.”

“Because he and Mama need to know,” Matteo said.

“I know,” Stella said.

“So I can finally tell… anyone else.”

“I know,” Stella said. “So stop stalling.”

She was right. He was stalling. There was no need to. It didn’t matter. Dad was in Italy and wasn’t planning to come back. What was the worst that could happen, finally telling the truth?

It took him a little while to find the right words. And to finally hit send. But he did.

MATTEO:
Hi Dad. I have been busy with Abi. Sorry.
There’s something I want to tell you too. I’ve met someone. I think he’s pretty great.
Hopefully I can bring him to Italy to meet you someday.
16:55

There wasn’t an immediate response, but he didn’t expect it. It was quite possible Matteo wouldn’t hear from Dad for days—despite his insistence when he had something to say, Matteo was more like Dad than Dad realized. In that, his texts didn’t always come in fast and furious. Sometimes time was needed.

Dad could take all the time he fucking wanted. At least Matteo told the truth.

He took another long drag of his joint.

**

Matteo and Stella sat on the cement lip of the fountain. The weather was warming but the fountain wasn’t running yet. It’d look cool in the summer.

It was easy to see David and Jasmine approach. It was a weekday in the spring and while there were many locals and tourists, it didn’t feel overcrowded as of yet. Quite a few people bustling around, sure, but not so many it wasn’t incredibly easy to spot the large orange tiger padding her way over to them, David at her side.

“Did you make it here okay?” Matteo smirked.

“Did you catch the right bus?” Stella asked Jasmine as they approached. “We thought you might get lost.”

“Ha ha,” David said. He looked around amused. “You really picked here, huh?”

Matteo stuck out his arms and gestured around. Stella attempted the same move, but almost fell off the fountain edge in unsteadiness. He caught her and laughed.

“Alexanderplatz,” Matteo said. “I know it was risky picking here, since you have no idea where you’re going, but I thought it would be a good challenge.”

David just sighed, but ducked his head and bit his lip. He was trying not to laugh, to not show how brilliant Matteo’s date choice had been.

“You made it here okay too?” David asked.

“I have a bus pass now,” Matteo said proudly. Then he winked. “You never know when I’ll need it. Or how often.”

Matteo loved the way David’s cheeks went pink.

“So,” David said, “what’s here anyway, Matteo?”

“I am,” Matteo said. “And so are you. Do we really need anything else?”

“Depends,” he said, though there was an adorable grin playing at the corners of his mouth. “Are we going to stand around all afternoon staring at each other?”

“I’m okay with that,” Matteo said. He pushed himself up. “But I suppose we can find something to do.”

David immediately pointed to TV Tower and Matteo said, “No.”

The Tower was a tall needle like structure with a bunch of history Matteo didn’t care about, but had an observation deck open to overlook the city. Because it was tall.

“I’m not paying twenty Euro to give Stella a heart attack,” Matteo said. It also had a ridiculous entrance fee.

“Me?” she protested. “Let me down, you ass.”

Matteo let her down.

“Look how close to the ground I am,” Stella said. “And will continue to be.”

David grinned at Matteo. “Fine. No observation decks. Today.”

“We’ll work on it,” Matteo said dryly.

They started to walk, side by side, heading towards some shops. “Have you been to the Christmas market here?” David asked.

“Not for a long time.” Matteo’s mother stopped doing well in crowds a few years ago. He can’t remember the last time they’d been to the Alexanderplatz, or anywhere like it.

“It has the best attraction,” Jasmine said to Stella.

“I know where this is going,” Stella said.

“Tons of fun,” Jasmine continued.

“Don’t even.”

Together, Jasmine and David said together, “The Ferris Wheel.”

Together, Stella and Matteo said, “Assholes.”

“You think you’re so funny,” Stella added.

“We’re finding something dark and scary,” Matteo added.

David looked up at the sky, closed his eyes against the sun. “Yes. That sounds like today.”

“Fuck you,” Matteo said, and kicked at his shin. “Also, I want Bratwurst.”

“Dude,” David said. “Yes.”

They found a good vendor and another fountain with space to sit around. They talked about the things they’d seen in the area; the field trip Matteo was dragged on for school, and the museums David’s godmother made him go to with her whenever she was in the city. They decided not to go to any of those places today, though David was convinced Matteo would go up the TV Tower some day with him.

Matteo liked the idea of future plans.

They talked about other things too. Music festivals Matteo wanted to take Stella too. Film festivals David and Jasmine would totally be attending. The conversations amalgamate until it sounded like joint plans.

Matteo beamed at David and leaned over to kiss his cheek. David blinked in surprise and while he didn’t pull away he didn’t quite reciprocate either.

Duly noted, Matteo thought to himself without any anger. He didn’t want to push.

“Come on.” He smiled and stood up. “Let’s walk.”

“Yeah, of course,” David said, and he smiled back.

They didn’t get far before Stella made noises of delight.

“Buskers!” Stella said, vibrating from her spot on Matteo’s shoulder. There were a couple of them setting up on the other side of the street from where they walked, and trust her to notice them. “That’s what we need. Come on, come on.”

She was so excited she nearly jumped off Matteo’s shoulder. “Hey,” he said, holding her down.

“Come on,” he said to David and tugged on the sleeve of his jacket. He imitated Stella’s enthusiasm. “Buskers!” He waved some jazz hands.

David laughed but followed, and Jasmine took big strides beside them.

When they crossed the street safely, and there was room for Stella to move, Matteo put her down on the ground. She scurried towards the little area the buskers were set up.

Two guys with guitars and little stools were playing a song that Matteo didn’t recognize but they sounded pretty good. Stella stopped a few feet from their guitar cases set up in front of them to collect coin. Jasmine sat on her haunches beside her. If the buskers were surprised to find two daemons, one of them quite large, in front of them to listen, they didn’t show it. They continued to play their song and sing. Matteo could tell how happy Stella was.

“She likes music,” David said, standing shoulder to shoulder with Matteo, a few feet behind the daemons.

“She loves it,” Matteo said. “I know things I wouldn’t if it wasn’t for her. I’ve watched things I wouldn’t if it wasn’t for her.”

“That’s cool.”

“Yeah. This is why I want to take her to those festivals. She’d fucking love it. We’ll see how she’s doing then, but hopefully we can go.”

If David was going to ask what that meant, he didn’t have a chance because Stella turned around and hurried to Matteo’s feet.

“Coin. Coin!” She looked up expectantly at him.

He was prepared for this. He didn’t generally carry change but if there was the chance of a busker, which he suspected in a busy place like this, he made sure to have some in his pocket. He took out a Euro and bent down, holding it out to her. She took it into her mouth, and then hurried over to one of the guitar cases. She poked her head over the side of it and dumped the coin in.

She hurried back to Matteo but he was ready for her, crouched down with a second Euro. “There’s two!” she said, even though he hadn’t said anything about it. She took the second coin and put it in the second guitar case.

One for the guys tipped his hat at the daemons, and said to Matteo and David. “Thank you. Any requests?”

“Moulin Rouge!” Stella exclaimed. Jasmine laughed.

“That’s not even—” Matteo shook his head. Of course she said that. He didn’t think they’d be able to pull off such an obscure request.

But one of them started plucking at the strings of the guitar and it was very much an acoustic, unplugged version, of course, but he started singing softly. “Hey sista, go sista, soul sista....”

Stella was delighted, and Jasmine’s tail swished happily before curling around Stella.

**

They walked further away from the center of Alexanderplatz, and found some green space to sit in. Or, rather, it would be more green further into spring they got, but it wasn’t a cold day out. They found a bench to sit on and relax.

“So it’s not exactly an abandoned amusement park,” Matteo said with a shrug.

“I told you it would be tough to beat.”

“To be honest, I didn’t think much beyond ‘Alexanderplatz’ and mocking you.”

David’s laughter was the best sound in the world, hands down.

Around the bench, Stella and Jasmine were developing a version of tag. Stella was small but, when she put in the effort, could dart around quickly. Jasmine was big and fast, but didn’t have the ability to do a pin turn the way Stella could, and Stella kept evading her. Barely, but she’d done it.

To be honest, Matteo was shocked to see that Stella didn’t freak out any time one of those big paws batted at her. But Matteo could tell how gentle Jasmine was, and Stella must've noticed too.

“She’s good for her,” David said. “Stella, I mean. For Jasmine.”

Matteo smiled. “I was just thinking the same thing. About Jasmine for Stella.”

“Next you know, they’ll be inseparable,” David said. Matteo couldn’t parse his tone, but he thought it was a good thing.

“I really like this,” Matteo said. He looked at David. “Spending time with you.”

“I do too.”

“It’s like—“ Matteo paused for a moment, trying to pull up the right words. He wanted David to know. “I’m comfortable. And I can be myself around you. For the first time in a really long time, I can be myself.” Matteo looked at David, and smiled softly. “It’s wonderful.”

The smile had dropped from David’s face. His eyes looked intense, like that time in the kitchen, right after David admitted he wanted to kiss Matteo. Like there was something there that needed to be considered, needed to be spoken out loud.

“It is?” David asked.

“Of course,” Matteo said. “I feel so good about it that—well. I told my dad. Not about you, specifically,” Matteo added quickly, in case David didn’t want that. “But that I met a boy I really liked. It was the first time I ever said something like that to him.”

David was quiet. Finally he said, “And how’d he take it?”

Matteo shrugged. “It was by text. He’s in Italy,” he added, as if that was reason enough for not actually dialing his number and fessing up person-to-person, even if over the mobile line. But whatever. He took a step. “I haven’t heard back from him yet. I will, I’m sure. I don’t even care what he thinks—” a little lie “—but I thought it was time for him to know. I want to tell my mom too.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. That will be a bit—I’ll have to figure out a time to see her.”

David nodded. He seemed tense and withdrawn, and Matteo hoped he hadn’t screwed this up.

“That’s okay, right?” Matteo said.

“If you think it’s time, then yes,” David said immediately. “Of course it is.”

“I’m just so sick of hiding.” Matteo smiled at David. He wanted David to know this was a good thing. “I don’t have to with you. But I won’t say anything to anyone, if you don’t want.”

David closed his eyes. His mouth did that thing where it moved slightly, opened and closed, as if he was trying to force words out but couldn’t.

Stella shrieked in laughter, breaking the weirdness between them. But then Matteo frowned when he felt a tugging behind his belly button.

“Stella.” He stood. Stella and Jasmine’s game was expanding, Stella becoming braver, wandering away from the protection of the bench.

Stella tagged Jasmine on the big toe, and then took off at a run. At the last second, she veered left, and darted away.

Away from the bench. Away from Matteo.

Matteo cried out as pain shot from his stomach and through the end of his limbs. His head pounded and his sight went fuzzy around the edges.

He collapsed to his knees. He fell forward onto his hands.

He heard Stella’s shriek of pain, and then her hurried, “Matteo! Matteo!” Matteo, Matteo, Matteo.

The pain immediately lessened the closer she came back to him, and while it was maybe five seconds in total, the aftershocks reverberated through him.

She scratched at one of his hands and he curled onto this side, right on the ground, and cuddled her close to his chest.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she said. She was a ferret and didn’t cry tears but her voice was thick with distress, with regret.

“Shh,” Matteo whispered. “I’m okay. We’re okay. My Stellabella.” They were. He already felt a million times better with her close to his chest.

“Matteo.” David knelt on the ground beside him. His hand hovered over Matteo’s shoulder, as if he wanted to touch but wasn’t sure if he should.

“I’m okay.” He sat up, with some effort, though kept Stella close to him. She tucked her nose under his ear, her whiskers tickling his cheek. “Sorry. We didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Don’t apologize.” David shook his head. He sat back on his legs, and Jasmine was sitting on her haunches right beside him. Her eyes were on Stella and she looked worried.

“Stella,” Matteo said, running a hand down her black and white fur. “I think Jasmine wants to check on you.” There was no other reason why Jasmine would purposely sit this close to Matteo, with any sort of deliberate attention on him. It was the first time, and it was more disconcerting than anything so far.

“Okay,” Stella said.

Matteo shifted Stella around, so that she was curled up in his hands but he held his arms out. Stella lifted her head and Jasmine put her nose right to Stella’s. Something in Matteo’s heart cracked. This was… what was this? Daemons got close, sometimes, but he’d never experience something like this.

Jasmine head butted Stella softly, with care not to touch Matteo, and stepped back a little when she was apparently satisfied everything was okay.

“Sorry,” Stella muttered again.

“It’s okay,” he whispered to her.

He got up, with a bit of effort, though David kept his hand on Matteo’s elbow.

“I’m sorry,” he said again to David. “We didn’t mean to scare you guys.”

“It’s been a long time since I’ve seen something like that,” David said.

Matteo nodded. Stella used to be able to go further from him, but lately they hadn’t been testing it. She’d forgot herself today, in her playfulness, and Matteo thought that this was actually progress, not a set back.

“Yeah, it—” Matteo shrugged. “Used to be different. We should work on it.”

Stella made a noise and snuggled closer to his neck. “Not today,” he said. He was suddenly so tired. He could feel it coming off Stella too. He didn’t want to leave David, but he needed to take care of Stella. It wasn’t fair to ask her to keep company with anyone else right now.

“You guys should get home and rest,” David said, reading the mood correctly. He pulled his mobile out of his pocket and looked at the time. He winced. “Actually, I should be on my way already too. I don’t want to be late for Laura, but I can actually walk to her if I go now.”

“Okay.”

“You guys will be okay?” David seemed reluctant to leave them. “Should I—”

“I do know how to take a bus,” Matteo interjected. He rolled his eyes to show it was okay. The last thing he wanted was for David to think they were weak. That there was something wrong with them. Just another thing to scare him away.

“We have a pass now,” Stella said, muffled.

David smiled softly. “Yeah.”

Matteo wanted to kiss David. Pull him in and kiss the hell out of him, but this was not the time or place and he didn’t know how David would react. Still. He couldn’t do nothing. David had to know how he felt.

Matteo grabbed his hand, quickly pulling it up to his mouth. He kissed David’s palm, right on the heart line, before letting it drop. David blinked, stunned.

“We’ll talk soon?” Matteo said.

David nodded, and his face was serious again. “Yes,” he said, and sounded a little nervous.

Matteo smiled reassuringly at him. “Okay. Later.”

“Later. Text me when you get home, okay?”

“Okay. I can do that.” Matteo smiled at David, and nodded at Jasmine, and turned back to catch his bus at Alexanderplatz.

He looked over his shoulder once, but David was already walking the other way.

Chapter Text

PART THREE: Truth

After their separation anxiety episode, Matteo and Stella slept late into the day, even more than usual. For once, Stella didn’t complain about Matteo’s lazy ass. She slept on the bed, curled in a ball on the pillow or against his side or, more often than not, right on his chest, their heartbeats finding a slow, healing rhythm.

They didn’t talk about it. Should they? Probably. But they didn’t.

His responses to texts were nonexistent for the day. He didn’t bother with his dad. His mother, after sending some Jesus-y messages, asked him to go to church for Easter the following weekend but he didn’t confirm either way. The boys made plans in their chat but Matteo didn’t contribute. He didn’t feel like going anywhere or dealing with anyone.

Saturday evening, Matteo dragged himself out of bed to make an actual meal, putting on an easy pot of pasta. It was like a beacon for his father, because just as Matteo finished cleaning up, his mobile rang.

“It’s Dad,” Matteo said, staring at the screen. Dad was actually calling.

Stella sat at the kitchen table on one of the stools. “Are you going to answer it?”

Matteo could hear Hans and Fran and Linn and Dearie in the living room. It wasn’t a conversation he wanted overheard, but.

Matteo answered. “Hello?”

His father spoke Italian. “Hello, Matteo. I’m glad you answered.”

Matteo spoke in Italian too. “Hello, Dad.”

“Do you have a moment to talk?”

“Can you hang on one second? I’ll go to my room so not to disturb my flat mates.”

“Of course.”

Matteo took the mobile away from his mouth and let his arm hang limply at his side. He took a deep breath. He picked up Stella under the belly and she didn’t even complain when her front and back end hung without much support.

He went to his bedroom, nodding at Hans and Linn on the way to it, and closed the door behind him. He sat on the chair, and Stella was on his lap, looking up at him expectantly.

“Dad, hi,” he said into the mobile again.

“Matteo.”

There was an awkward silence.

“Matteo,” his dad repeated. “That text you sent the other day.”

Matteo closed his eyes. “Yes?”

There was another pause. “Was it a joke?”

Matteo’s automatic gut reaction was to agree. Yes, Dad, just a joke. But that would be a lie and he was done with that. He was done with covering this up.

“No. No, it wasn’t a joke.”

Another pause.

“Okay,” his dad said. “Does your mother know?”

“Not yet,” Matteo said, so quiet it was practically a whisper. “I haven’t seen her for a while but she texted me. She wants me to see her for Easter.”

“Seeing her is good. But perhaps… don’t tell her about this.”

Matteo blinked. His eyes felt hot. “Why?”

“I don’t know if it’s a good idea right now,” Dad said. “You know how she gets. We wouldn’t want an episode.”

Matteo swallowed hard, and he blinked his eyes rapidly. He could feel the goddamn tears coming on and that was just so fucking stupid. This was stupid.

“Fine,” he said shortly. “Wouldn’t want to upset her with the truth.”

“Sometimes keeping the truth quiet is better in the long run.”

“Is that what you did? Why it took you so long to go back to Italy?” Matteo said snappily. “In case you hadn’t noticed, it tends to blow up.”

“That’s not fair,” Dad said, and Matteo could hear the streak of anger in his voice. The one that was reflective in Matteo whenever he got angry too. “Don’t blame what happened on me. Your mother is the way she is, and we have to do what’s best for her.”

Like leave? Matteo thought, but he didn’t say it. After all, he thought with some guilt, he did the exact same thing.

“Right,” Matteo said. “So don’t let her know her son is gay. She couldn’t handle it.”

There was another significant pause.

“She couldn’t,” Dad said. “It’s a lot to take in.”

“I have to go,” Matteo said. “Bye, Dad.”

“Matteo—”

Matteo pulled his mobile away from his ear again and thumbed at the screen, ending the call. He was half tempted to throw his mobile across the room, but he didn’t want to break it. He grabbed a book off his table instead, and chucked it against the wall. It fell to the floor with a thud.

“Hey!” Hans called from the living room. “Everyone all right?”

No.

“Yes,” Matteo called back. “Sorry!”

Stella sat quietly on his lap, before trying to climb his front. He sighed, but helped her with her efforts, scooping her up so she was on his shoulder. She arranged herself like a scarf, tucking her tail into his shirt.

“I think we should tell Mama,” she said. “She deserves to know.”

“Maybe,” Matteo said, still stinging from the conversation. “Maybe.”

He pushed himself off the chair and made his way back to bed. She didn’t even complain when he pulled the covers over his head and thought about going back to sleep.

**

Matteo tried to get his shit together and study the next day. It sucked and he couldn’t pay any attention, his mind wandering to the conversation with his dad. A low feeling took over him, one of disappointment laced with sadness, and he couldn’t shake it off.

He thought he might have a good way to do it though.

MATTEO:
Hey. Wanna come over and help me study again?
Study for real!
14:16

David didn’t answer right away. Matteo had forgot he took an extra class on Sundays, so it might be some time before he heard. Matteo tried to look at his bio textbook by himself but it sucked. He sent a text to Amira to set up a study date with her later in the week. He knew he could use her help.

Hours later, a text from David came in and Matteo couldn’t believe his eyes. He read it three times over for it to make any sort of sense, although it was rather straightforward.

DAVID:
Dear Matteo. It’s all going a little too fast right now.
I just need some time to get my thoughts together.
I’m sorry. Let’s talk after exams.
17:54

Matteo reread it and reread it.

“What the fuck?” he said aloud.

Stella read it too. “That doesn’t make sense. You did go slow.”

“Maybe not,” Matteo said. Anger and confusion rose inside him and he couldn’t take it anymore. This was... this couldn’t be happening.

Matteo got off the bed abruptly, grabbing Stella a little more roughly than he should have. She made a noise and he winced. Kissing her on the top of her head in apology, he put her into his hoodie pocket more delicately.

“What are you doing?” she asked once she was carefully contained.

Matteo slipped on his shoes and made sure he had his wallet. “Going to talk to David.”

“Is that a good idea? He asked for time.”

“And what am I supposed to do?” Matteo asked, still angry. “Sit here and think I’m a fuck up? Not understand what the hell is going on? I just want to know.”

“This isn’t just about David,” Stella said. “You’re being an emotional asshole. Just breathe for a second.”

“Whatever.” Matteo left the flat, ignoring Hans’ call from the livingroom. He slammed the door after him.

“Calm down,” Stella said crossly. “Being a dick isn’t going to help.”

The thing was, Matteo did calm down. He just needed a little bit of time. He waited at the bus stop. He got on, his pass secure in his wallet, and found a seat. By the time he got to David’s stop, his anger was gone, replaced by uncertainty and doubt.

“What the fuck am I doing,” he said as soon as he got off the bus.

“Well, you’re here,” Stella said. “May as well do this. I want up.”

Matteo took her from his pocket and put her up on his shoulder. Of course she wanted to be nosy for this.

He walked from the stop and to the run down building David lived in, able to get in without a buzzer, and made his way up the stairs. He took a deep breath at David’s door and knocked.

No one answered.

He knocked again.

Finally, Laura opened the door. She stood in the doorway, blocking him from seeing inside.

“Matteo,” she said, sounding indifferent. She’d been nice the couple times he’d spoken to her, but then again, he wasn’t bursting in on her evening then.

“Hi,” Matteo said. “Could I speak to David?”

“He’s not here right now.”

She’s lying, Stella said into his mind. Jasmine’s here. I can hear her.

“I’d really like to speak to him,” Matteo said. He took a step forward. He didn’t want to break in or anything, but he really wanted to see David.

“I said—”

“Jasmine!” Stella yelled. “I know you’re there.”

“This isn’t a good time,” Laura amended. “Please, Matteo.”

Matteo’s anger burst in him again, and he pushed at the door. Laura backed away, resigned, as if knowing she couldn’t stop him. Or maybe not really wanting to, but that could’ve been Matteo’s guilt trying to cover up itself.

“David!” Matteo called out. He thought about bursting into his room, right by the front door, but Stella said Not in there. He called out again. “Can we just talk? Please.”

Jasmine stepped into the hallway from the kitchen, blocking any passage further with her large form. She was big and intimidating and didn’t have any of the friendliness Matteo had become accustomed to.

“Leave,” Jasmine said.

“Please, I just want to know what I did wrong—”

“Leave!”

Everything happened at once.

Matteo took one step forward. Jasmine stayed put but released the loudest roar he had ever heard.

Stella screeched in terror, clawing at Matteo’s face. In all his memory, she’d only made the sound once in their lives, a few months before. It tore Matteo’s heart right in half, just as it had then.

Tears sprung into Matteo’s eyes.

“Jesus,” he said breathlessly, trying to get a hold of his terrified daemon, who was still scrabbling at his head.

Jasmine backed up a couple steps.

David stepped into the hall from the kitchen, stood beside Jasmine, and looked absolutely horror-struck.

“Fuck,” Matteo hissed, his body shaking from Stella’s fear. He finally clutched her to his chest, though she was panting with anxiety. Against his will, two tears ran down his face. “Fuck, we get the fucking point.”

He backed up and then turned around, pushing past Laura and out into the hall.

“No!” he heard Jasmine say. “Please, wait—”

David called out, “Matteo, don’t go—”

“We’re leaving!” Matteo yelled as he thundered down the stairs. His priority was Stella, and she couldn’t stay here. He kept going and didn’t hear them follow. He nearly tripped, but he made it out of the building and ran down the street, away, away, away.

He finally stopped at the bus stop. He brushed the tears from his cheeks, and held Stella up so be could bury his face into her fur.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he said, a mantra to try and calm her. “It’s all my fault, I’m sorry.”

“Matteo,” she said, distressed, and tried to climb into his collar of his sweater.

He let her.

**

He slept for what felt like minutes but it might’ve been days. When he was awake, he smoked. It dulled the pain in his head, made it fuzzy and mellow and like there was nothing left in it but fog.

Stella absolutely refused to let him let go of her.

He didn’t mind. He needed to keep her close. For the sake of both of them.

“I’m sorry,” he said every once in a while. This was all his fault. He should have listened to her, he never should have went. Now he’d upset her, and pushed David and Jasmine away even more for being too forward. “I’m sorry.”

She didn’t say anything either way, all energy drained from her, and only tried to cuddle closer to him.

**

Matteo’s mobile pinged. But it was all the way across the room.

He ignored it.

**

There was a knock on his bedroom door.

“Yeah?” he said. He was sprawled sideways on his chair, staring up at the ceiling. Smoke hovered above his head.

Hans waltzed into the room, holding a pot of flowers in his hands, and scrunched up his nose. Fran flew overhead.

“Not that I mind,” he said. “But you’ve been in here for two days and our apartment smells like a grow-op.”

“Hmm,” Matteo hummed around his joint. It was his second for the day. Or was it his third? He couldn’t remember. “What’s up?”

Hans held out the pot of flowers. “These were delivered.”

“Is it weed for our grow-op?” The joke fell flat. He didn’t care.

“Don’t be silly. It was just dropped off. I ran into your friend and he gave it to me to pass along.”

Matteo frowned. “What friend?”

“David! And his gorgeous daemon. They were just outside.”

Matteo closed his eyes. David was here, but didn’t want to see Matteo. Sounded about right. “Oh.” He made no movement off his chair. Stella remained on Matteo’s chest.

“Don’t you want to know what the card says?” Hans asked. He put the plant down on the little table, right beside the ashtray of roaches. He frowned.

“Does it really matter?” Matteo said. He didn’t think it did.

“Of course! This is a gift for Stella.”

Stella’s head rose at that. Matteo snorted and then took the joint out of his mouth. “For Stella?”

“Yes.” Hans didn’t wait for any further instruction, but plucked the card from the little holder that was stuck in the plant pot. He opened it and read. “To Stella. I’m so sorry. From Jasmine.”

Hans frowned at the card, then looked at Matteo. “Did something happen?”

“Nothing that matters,” Matteo lied. “You can take the plant if you want.”

“No,” Hans said, shaking his head. “No, it’s for Stella.”

Stella had put her head back down and curled into a tighter ball on Matteo’s chest, tail tucked away. She didn’t say anything.

“Are you both okay?” Hans asked.

“Sure,” Matteo lied.

“You can talk to me if you want—”

“There’s nothing to say,” Matteo said, harsh. “Just go away.”

Hans was silent for a moment. Matteo turned his head back to the ceiling and took another drag of his smoke. “Okay, Matteo. Just so you know, I’m going out of town for a couple days for work. I hope when I get back you’re feeling better.” Hans and Fran left the room, closing the door behind them.

“We’re assholes,” Stella said eventually.

“Yup,” he agreed.

**

The flat’s buzzer crackled. It buzzed and buzzed and no one was getting off their ass to get it.

“Fuck,” Matteo said. He didn’t get off his chair in his room though.

A message dinged on his mobile and he was tempted to ignore it, like he had with the other messages from the last couple days. The mobile was in reaching distance today, though, so he may as well look.

He glanced at the screen and saw it was Amira. Something jogged in the back of his mind, like a little reminder though he couldn’t remember what for.

AMIRA:
I’m outside! Are you home?
13:04

He blinked slowly but replied.

MATTEO:
Yeah.
13:05

The buzzer went off again.

Matteo pushed himself off his bedroom chair and went to the intercom, buzzing Amira up. Stella hung around his neck like a scarf, more limp than usual.

“Were we expecting her?” Matteo asked.

“Hell if I know,” Stella said.

Matteo opened the door for Amira, and Abasi slunk past them into the living room.

“Hi,” Amira said brightly, holding out her fist.

Matteo blinked at it but raised his hand enough to lightly tap it before letting it fall to his side again.

Amira frowned. “What’s with you?”

Matteo shrugged. “Mia’s not here.”

“I’m not here for Mia.” Matteo squinted at her and she looked at him like he grew a second head. Well, third, if you were already counting Stella. “You asked me to study?”

“Did I?” Matteo didn’t remember that.

“Are you okay?” Amira asked. “Also, are you going to let me in?”

“Oh, right.” Matteo stepped out of the way so Amira could come into the flat. He sort of remembered texting her last weekend but that seemed like a lifetime ago. He wasn’t in the mood but she was here, so he may as well. “I—give me a second. I’ll get my stuff.”

“Okay,” she said. He could feel her eyes on his back as he walked away.

He had to dig around in his room for his bio work. He hadn’t looked at it for days. He found his boxing pen easy enough, but had to move pizza boxes and discarded clothes to find his notebook and textbook.

When he went into the living room, he slouched down on one side of the couch, Stella in his lap, and flicked his pen.

“Matteo,” Amira said carefully. “Do you even want to study today?”

He didn’t want to do anything today but he knew that he should. “Sure.”

Amira didn’t even open her textbook or take out her notes. Her rucksack sat on the floor, unopened. She folded her hands and put them on her knee.

“Okay. Tell me what you know about genetics.”

“They’re shitty,” he said right away.

“That wouldn’t be an acceptable answer on the exam,” she said. “Try again.”

He closed his eyes and breathed in deep, and tried to poke through the fog in his mind. He knew he knew this. He read about it before. He sat during lectures in class. He knew this.

He flicked his boxing pen.

“I don’t know,” he eventually said.

Amira gave him an intense look. “Are you okay?”

“Fine,” he said shortly. “I just don’t know anything about shitty genetics.”

“Except you do. I know you do.” Amira sighed. “I want to help you study, Matteo, but obviously it’s not a good day today. And I really need to get some work done. I have a busy weekend ahead of me.”

Matteo shrugged and didn’t say anything. Abasi jumped up onto the end of the couch, facing Matteo and Stella, looking at them as intensely as Amira had. It was discomforting.

“You don’t want to talk?” she asked.

He shook his head. What would he say?

“Okay,” Amira said softly. She stood. “I’m going to go. I think you need some rest or something.”

“Yeah,” he said.

“Where are your roommates?” She looked ready to go but reluctant to walk out.

He shrugged. He knew Hans wasn’t here, and Mia was probably with Alex and who knew about Linn.

“Are you sure you should be alone right now?”

“I’m not a fucking child, Amira,” he snapped. “I can look after myself.”

“Clearly,” she said, just as snappily.

They both sighed.

He stood up, Stella in his arms, hoping Amira would take it as a hint to leave. He couldn’t deal with studying right now, and even though having her hang out would be nice, obviously she had better things to do. He didn’t want to be the reason to hold her back. He didn’t want to be the reason to hold anyone back.

“See you later,” he mumbled, and headed to his room. She could show herself out. She’d been here plenty before, she knew the way.

Just as he got to his door, he spun around. She still stood there with a frown on her face.

“Do you remember,” Matteo started, and knew he shouldn’t say it but couldn’t help himself. “Do you remember when you told me to be careful with David?”

“Yes.”

“Did you give him the same warning?”

She tilted her head, as if trying to figure out if it was a trick question. “No, I didn’t.”

Of course. Why would anyone think they needed to be careful with Matteo?

“Yeah.” There was nothing else to say. He went into his room and closed the door behind him. He melted down to his bed and curled around Stella.

**

The ok.cool. group chat repeatedly pinged to the point Matteo turned off the sound and vibration on his mobile. He didn’t turn it off completely but he was fucking sick of all the noise from the guys as they discussed what they should do for Friday night, before everyone got busy with family for the Easter holiday. Matteo didn’t feel like doing anything so it wasn’t like he was a part of the conversation.

Eventually Jonas texted Matteo privately. He didn’t notice at first, but then he saw Jonas asked if he could come over. Just him, for now.

Matteo didn’t want to tell him no, so he didn’t.

“I heard you might not be feeling well,” Jonas said from his spot on the beanbag chair in Matteo’s room.

“Who’d you hear that from?” Matteo was sprawled in his bigger chair, flopped back and too tired to lift his head.

“I ran into Amira yesterday,” Jonas said.

“You two decided to talk about me behind my back?”

Jonas’ face momentarily flashed with hurt. Matteo hadn’t meant to say it, not really, but it was a dark thought flickering in his mind and it had tumbled out of his mouth before he could stop it.

“It wasn’t like that,” Jonas said quietly.

“Sure,” Matteo said.

“I ran into Amira and David—”

Matteo asked sharply, “David?”

Jonas stared at Matteo for a second. “Yes. David. He and Amira were studying, I guess, and so were Abdi and I. We ran into them outside the school.”

Matteo blinked slowly. It felt like he’d been punched in the gut.

“They’d asked how you were.”

“They?” Matteo snorted. Like David really gave a shit.

He does, something in him said. Something that wasn’t him or Stella. Something he had a hard time believing. Something that didn’t feel true anymore.

“Well, Amira. But David seemed concerned too.”

Matteo slid off his chair to the floor. Stella climbed from the armchair onto his shoulder and tried to get into his shirt. He really wasn’t in the mood. He handled her carefully but put her on the little table in front of him. She sat at the edge and stared at him.

When Matteo didn’t say anything, Jonas continued. “Anyway. Amira said she’d been here a couple days ago, and that you didn’t seem to be doing well. Have you been sick?”

Matteo shrugged. “Just, you know. Stress.”

“Stress?”

“Abi. Parents. The usual shit.”

Kathrin flew from her perch and landed on the table next to Stella. Stella flinched but didn’t move away. She wasn’t welcoming, not like she used to be with Kathrin. Kathrin read the mood right and remained a respectful distance. She didn’t bother trying to talk to Stella either. She was just… there. There like Jonas was there.

Matteo’s heart lurched and his anger drained. Stella and Kathrin were friends, and now Stella wouldn’t even look at her.

“Matteo,” Jonas said softly. Matteo slowly dragged his gaze away from the daemons to Jonas. “Matteo, I have something to say. And you’re not going to like it.”

“Then maybe don’t say it,” Matteo said blankly. He had no clue what Jonas wanted to say but Matteo didn’t want anything else on his plate right now. He just didn’t.

“I think I should. I’ve told myself for too long that I shouldn’t, that you were going through a phase, that you’d pull through. But look at you.”

Matteo frowned. “What does that mean?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Jonas bit his lower lip but then seemed to gather the courage to go forward. “I think… you’re having an episode, aren’t you?”

The world stopped spinning.

The air left the room.

Matteo’s heart cracked.

“What?” It was so quiet that Matteo couldn’t even hear himself say it. He swallowed hard. “What did you just say?”

An episode. Jonas was the only person in the world, that Matteo knew anyway, that knew that was what Matteo and his dad called Mama’s… well. Episodes. Those times when she got so sad and quiet she slept for days. Or when she got anxious and paced the house for hours, at all hours, day or night. Or that time she got so angry she and Andreas lost sense of who they were, or where they were, and that they…

“What did you just fucking say?” Stella asked.

Matteo and Jonas both flinched at her words.

She had turned to look at Kathrin, and then past Kathrin to Jonas. She repeated, “What did you say?”

“Stella—”

“Don’t you talk to me,” Stella said angrily. “Don’t you talk to me!”

Kathrin took two steps forward, her owl-talons clicking on the tabletop. “Stella, we’re trying to help.”

“By what? How? Telling us we’re… that we… an episode?”

“Not like your mom,” Jonas said hurriedly to Matteo. “But in your own way. Dude, you’re not doing well.”

“I’m fine,” Matteo lied dully. He didn’t want to talk about this. He didn’t want to deal with this. He just wanted… he didn’t know what he wanted, but this attention wasn’t it.

This truth wasn’t it.

“Get out,” Stella said. “You should both leave.”

“Stella—” Kathrin repeated.

“Leave!” Stella said. It was high-pitched and screechy, not a gigantic roar like Jasmine, but it reminded Matteo of that night all the same. Maybe he understood Jasmine now. She was being protective. She wanted David left alone.

Just like Stella was doing for Matteo right now.

“You should go,” he said, more calmly than Stella.

“I don’t think you should be left alone,” Jonas said.

This made the anger bubble back up. He was trying to be good about this, but now he was mad because he’s asked and tried to be polite and he wasn’t being listened to.

On top of everything else, now he was a huge hypocrite.

“Go,” Matteo said, harsher. Stella squeaked at him and he took her back into his arms, and stood up, pacing alongside his bed, the only real area to move.

“Matteo, you can’t ignore this—”

“I said get out!” Matteo reached out in anger, and he knocked a stack of books from the desk to the floor. “What don’t you understand?”

An episode. Was he fucking kidding? The more he thought about it, the more Stella fretted, and the more irritated Matteo got. How could Jonas even say that?

“Fine.” Jonas stood and Kathrin flew to his shoulder. Matteo turned away from them. “I’ll give you time. But we need to talk about this.”

“Like fuck we do,” Matteo said angrily to the wall.

“Call me when you’re ready.” Jonas left the room, the door clicking shut behind him.

Matteo picked up one of the books and chucked it at the wall.

“What the fuck,” he said, though the anger was draining again. It was an ebb and flow that left him momentarily energized and then entirely exhausted. He didn’t know what to do about it.

He stared at the book on the floor.

“What the fuck,” Stella agreed, but she sounded more morose. “We just yelled at our friends. Who are we?”

“What is wrong with us?” Matteo asked. He almost felt like running after Jonas, but a feeling of discomfort filled his stomach. He was nauseous and wanted to throw up.

He sank onto the bed. Stella crawled away from him, spreading out belly down on one of the pillows. They didn’t move for a long time.

**

There was a knock on his bedroom door. Matteo lifted his head from his pillow but the door was so far away.

“Yeah?”

The door pushed open tentatively and Linn stuck her head in.

“Hello.”

He pushed up onto an elbow. “Hi.”

She came into the room. Dearie wasn’t with her, likely perched somewhere in the living room.

“This was in the mailbox for you.” She held out an envelope.

He frowned. “For me?” He didn’t get mail. He didn’t think there was anywhere who knew he lived in a new flat, not that anyone would try to contact him. And if they did, it would be sent to his old house address but forwarded to his mother’s new place.

“For you.” She put it down on the end of the bed with care. She stood up and looked at him. He looked back, at a loss of what to say. She smiled softly. “I hope you get some good rest and feel better soon.”

He hadn’t said anything about feeling badly, but he supposed it was pretty obvious.

“I’ll give you space now,” she said. “But me and My Dear are here for the afternoon. If you want company.”

He didn’t, but he forced a smile that almost felt real. “Thanks, Linn.”

She nodded at him and left, closing the door softly behind her.

Stella nosed her way out from under the covers and went to the envelope. She sniffed it. “It smells like them.”

“Like who?”

“Jasmine and David.”

“What?” He sat up quickly and rolled over, flopping belly down on the bed so his head was at the end of it. He went up onto his elbows long enough to grab the envelope.

Matteo’s name was across the front of it. Matteo traced the lettering. He recognized it from David’s school notes. Simple but surprisingly artistic.

“It’s from him.”

“Duh.”

They both stared at the envelope. Matteo didn’t know for how long.

“Are you going to open it?” Stella eventually asked.

“Should I?”

“Whatever you want.”

He wanted to. It scared him, but he wanted to. He carefully opened it and pulled out a folded piece of paper, and opened that too.

It was side-by-side drawings. Sketches, but more carefully lined and perfected than the one David had left before Matteo’s exam. As if he wanted to make sure he got it right, or made it clear.

One the left side, David and Jasmine standing in a field of tulips.

On the right side, David and Jasmine and Matteo and Stella standing in a field of tulips.

Across the bottom, David had written, “If we could, in parallel universes.”

“Does that mean they want the parallel universe?” Stella asked, staring at drawing.

“No fucking clue.” Matteo had no idea what David meant by this, or what he wanted, or why he’d left this for Matteo. “They said they’d choose us,” Matteo said. He wished he’d felt hope. He only felt sadness. “He didn’t see how he couldn’t, in any universe. Remember?”

“Yeah, well.” Stella didn’t elaborate. “This isn’t any other universe. This is reality.”

“But you wished for them,” Matteo whispered. “You did. They were supposed to be ours.”

“It was just an airplane,” Stella said. She crawled her way back under the covers.

“Yeah,” Matteo said. He put the drawing on the floor. Carefully, but out of sight. He didn’t know what to make of it right now.

He crawled under the covers too. They didn’t go see Linn and Dearie.

**

Matteo was having a smoke on the balcony of his room when he noticed Hans and Mia walking down the street laden with grocery bags. He should probably go help them but he didn’t. They’d be at the flat before he made it down anyway.

They didn’t seem to mind, but waved up to him when they saw him. He nodded in their direction.

He heard them come into the flat, talking animatedly. A couple minutes later, there was a knock on the door. They’d seen him, so it’s not like he could hide.

He closed the balcony door behind him and went to answer the knock.

It was Mia. She faltered for a moment when she saw him, but then plastered a smile on her face. “Good afternoon!”

He nodded. “Yeah.”

“So, tomorrow is Easter.”

Matteo blinked. “Is it?”

She smiled more softly. “It is. Hans and I are going to host a little get together, for those of us who aren’t going anywhere else. Is that okay with you?”

He shrugged. “Sure.”

“Okay! Great! You and Stella are more than welcome, of course.”

Matteo couldn’t think of anything he’d like to do less. He thought about the text from his mother on his mobile, the one he hadn’t answered yet, sitting amongst all the other ones he hadn’t answered yet. The one inviting him to church and out for lunch.

“Yeah, I’ll be around.”

“Good!” A silence fell between them. She gestured to the kitchen. “Okay. I’ll go help Hans with the groceries.”

He nodded. “Sure.”

“We’re going to make sandwiches right now. Would you like one? I’ll make you one.”

He shrugged. “It’s okay. I’m fine.”

“I also bought strawberries,” she said.

Stella, hidden in the front of Matteo’s hoodie, didn’t say anything.

“We’re okay,” Matteo said. He added, to not be a complete asshole, “But thanks.”

“Okay, Matteo,” Mia said softly. “Let me know if you change your mind.”

He nodded to her. At least she didn’t push, but he was done with this entire conversation. He just wanted to go sit down. So he closed the door and sank into his chair. He rubbed his hands over his face and he felt like, maybe, he should go back out there and join his roommates. Maybe eat? He wasn’t hungry though. And he didn’t know what to say to them. They were in such good, happy moods. He didn’t want to bring them down.

He reached for another joint instead.

**

Hanna wrinkled her nose when she came into Matteo’s room. He really didn’t want her to get into one of her moods about weed, so he put out the joint he was holding. It didn’t make the nose-wrinkle go away but she relaxed a little.

“Hey,” she said. “Mind if I sit?”

“Sure.” He was in his comfy chair but he gestured to his desk chair. It only had a couple pieces of clothes hanging on the back. She took them off and put them on his unmade bed, and pulled the chair across from his. Her fluffy orange cat daemon, Tobias, poked around a bit but then jumped up on the little round table to sit. He stared at Matteo—or, more likely, just past Matteo. Stella rested between his neck and the back of the chair, cuddled down and semi-hiding.

“How’re you?” Hanna asked.

He shrugged. “Fine.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Yeah?”

He sighed. “I mean. You know. Exams and stress.” Not that he’d been doing much about that for the past week, hadn’t even cracked open a book, but it was as good an excuse as any. He swallowed. “Parents.” That one definitely hit the nail on the head. “How’re you?”

She shrugged. “You know. Exams and stress.” She smiled slightly. “And parents.”

“You’re not with your dad today?”

She shook her head. “No, he’s out of town.”

“Too bad.” At least he’ll be back, Matteo thought, but didn’t end up saying.

“Mia says you’ve been hiding in here for the past week. Really, Matteo,” she said softly, “are you okay?”

No, he thought.

“No,” he blurted. He felt Stella shift behind him, drifting out of her daze.

“You can talk to me, if you want.”

He shrugged. What could he possibly say?

Tell her something, Stella said into his mind. Let’s not be an asshole to at least one person this week.

Like what?

About liking boys?

I thought we’re telling Mama first, he thought.

You’re ignoring Mama. Don’t ignore everyone.

“So,” he said. He paused for a long moment. Stella climbed out from behind his neck. She didn’t leave his person, but at least climbed down to his lap. She looked at Tobias and waved, and Tobias’ head nodded, but neither of them said anything. It was as if everyone was waiting for him.

“So,” he repeated. Then he rubbed his forehead and laughed quietly to himself, at a loss of what else to do. She was patient while he found the words. “I wasn’t lying about the exams and parent stress, but.” He paused for a moment. “I think I got my heart broken.” It felt like a dam had burst and he couldn’t keep it in anymore. Maybe he didn’t want to. “And it just… everything felt awful to begin with. Then that happened. And then I fought with Jonas. And my dad is a dick. And…”

“It’s been a rough week?” Hanna asked gently.

He ran a hand down Stella’s back. Hanna didn’t know the extent of what happened with his parents, but she probably had a good idea, left over from when she and Jonas were dating. She definitely knew the most beside Jonas. Knew, at the very least, things had sucked for his family.

“It’s been a rough year,” he admitted softly. “Good things once in a while” —he thought of David, and good times with his friends— “but mostly just… I don’t even know.”

“Can I ask you about your broken heart?” Hanna said. She smiled wryly. “If there’s anything I know, it’s trying to get over one.”

Matteo shook his head. “It wasn’t even official. But I liked—like—him a lot. He was definitely one of those good things. And now I don’t know what we are.”

Hanna didn’t look surprised or disgusted or anything of the sort. She was sympathetic. “I’m sorry. It sucks when it doesn’t work out.”

Matteo raised his eyebrows. “That’s it? You’re not going to make a big deal about the guy thing?”

She smiled. “Do you want me to?”

“Not really.”

“Besides,” she said, grinning, “I was wondering when you would say something. I didn’t want to push.”

“Wait,” he said. “You knew?”

She told him about what she and Mia found by accident when they borrowed his mobile last year—searches for gay porn left open. Stella laughed at him and he rolled his eyes but blushed. Fucking amateur move. Hanna promised she and Mia never said anything to anyone, waiting for him to be the one to say something to them.

“We didn’t know, it could have been curiosity, or whatever. Thanks for telling me, though.” Hanna smiled at him. “It must’ve been difficult.”

“No,” he said honestly. “Not with you. But if you could keep it quiet, for now?”

“Of course,” she said.

“I’m going to tell other people,” he said, and his heart felt a little bit lighter. He knew it was true, then. He would do it. He was going to tell people. “But I need to tell my mom. And the guys. And then…” He trailed off and shrugged. “And then maybe other people. I don’t even care who knows.”

“Okay,” she said. “I won’t say anything until you’re ready.”

“Thanks.” He realized that he’d made this whole fucking thing about himself and that wasn’t cool. “You sure you’re okay?”

Tobias hopped over to her lap and she petted the long hair on the top of his head. “Better than I was a while ago.”

“Is it hard being friends with Jonas?”

“In ways, yes. But I’m glad he’s still in my life, however he is.” She sighed. “It’s not that I’m hung up on him, but I wish I knew how to go forward with my life. You know?”

“I know. I’ve missed you,” he added. “Hanging out with you.”

“We should fix that,” she said.

He gave her a half-smile. “I’d like that.”

It didn’t even feel forced, or false, and he felt better, even if just a little bit, than he had in days.

**

It was an effort, but he followed through on it.

He sat with his roommates in the living room to have some roast that Mia and Hans made. Mia’s boyfriend Alex was there too, and Hanna stayed to eat. The daemons hung out in the corner, and Matteo even convinced Stella to go say hello. She was very cautious and pretty much stuck to Dearie’s side, the small dove sitting on the floor and Stella next to him.

Even Konrad, Mia’s fox, who was usually quite forward and curious, kept himself mellow around her. They welcomed her and seemed to understand she was skittish, but it was good to see her actually leave Matteo, even if just for a few minutes and a few feet away.

Matteo didn’t feel much like eating yet, but he took a small plate of food and even got half way through it. He was quiet and chill, listening to the others and keeping to himself, but paid attention. Everyone around him included him in small ways but didn’t push.

It felt like everything he needed.

But it was a lot. He got tired pretty quickly, and he excused himself after an hour or so. Stella was relieved when he picked her up and they retreated to his room.

“That was good,” Stella said after they laid down on the bed. “We tried.”

“We tried,” Matteo agreed.

**

Matteo lay in bed for five minutes with his eyes closed and actually considered getting up. He had a craving for coffee and his stomach might have actually grumbled.

“Get up,” Stella said from near his pillow. “Get up, get up.”

“I’m sleeping,” Matteo said, just to annoy her. He didn’t actually feel like sleeping again.

“You can’t pull that one over on me.” Her little paw hit the end of his nose. “Get up! I want a bath.”

Matteo did open his eyes at that. “What?”

“A bath. I want one,” she said slowly, as if explaining something to a toddler.

“Huh.”

“So get up.” She smacked the end of his nose again.

He batted her paw away, and poked the side of her belly.

“Cut it out,” she said, but laughed. She scrambled around on the bed in circles, bumping into him, and causing enough of a ruckus that he wouldn’t be likely to get back to sleep any time soon anyway.

“Fine, fine.” He got out of bed and picked her up.

“Down.” She squirmed. “I can walk by myself, you know.”

“Sure you can,” he said, but kissed the top of her head and put her down. He grabbed a clean towel and they made their way to the bathroom. The flat was quiet and either his roommates weren’t home, or they were all still sleeping. He was surprised to see it was still before nine in the morning.

“What are we doing up?” he asked quietly as they went into the bathroom.

“Grooming,” she said. She stopped beside the bathtub and looked up at him.

“You do stink,” he teased, bending down to run the water. She didn’t need a lot of it.

“Yeah, like you,” she said.

When there was a couple inches in the bottom of the tub, he picked her up and put her in. She splashed around while he dug under the sink and pulled out the little bottle of soap that was especially for her. It was labelled “STELLA’S DO NOT TOUCH” in his printing because she’d made him do it.

He squirted out a little in his hands and knelt beside the tub, leaning in to lather her fur with it. She started singing, “Singing in the rain!” when he poured some water over her back to rinse it off.

“Ssshhh,” he said. “People are sleeping.”

“Ssshhh,” she said mockingly, more high-pitched than usual. “People are sleeping.” She broke out into chorus again.

“Brat,” he muttered, but grinned at her.

She splashed him.

“Hey!” He flicked water at her. “Cut it out.”

She jumped up and made as much water splash around as she could and started singing again.

“Would you—” He dragged his hand in the water, causing a little wave that splashed up against her side.

“Hey!” she protested loudly. “Don’t drown me!”

There was a knock on the door. “Everything okay in there?” Hans asked.

“Yes!” Matteo said while Stella screeched, “No!”

“Can I come in?” Hans asked. Matteo’s hand backtracked in the water and caused another wave.

“No!” Matteo said while Stella yelled, “Yes! He’s drowning me.”

Hans came in, still in his sleep pants and a bright pink t-shirt, and looked startled. “You’re drowning her?”

Matteo was knelt beside the tub, one hand still in it. He rolled his eyes. “Of course I’m not.”

She spit water up, a small fountain-like stream hitting the side of his face.

Hans laughed as Matteo wiped the corner of his towel over his face. “But I might,” Matteo said calmly.

“As if!” Stella splashed him again and continued on with her singing.

“Okay, okay, I’ll leave you two to this domestic dispute,” Hans said, amused. He left, closing the door behind him.

When she declared herself clean, he lifted her out of the tub. He decided to get his revenge for the fact he was now soaked, and towelled her off vigorously.

“Noooo,” she said when she emerged from under the towel with all her fur fluffed out. “What are you doing to me? Look at my fur!”

“You cute little fluffy hairball,” he cooed mockingly at her. She lifted her front leg, circled it twice and pumped her little paw in the air. He laughed but petted his hands over her to de-floof her a bit.

“Your turn, gross-boy.” She settled on the bath mat and looked at him expectantly.

“Yeah, yeah.” May as well, he was here, and stripped off his soaked clothes. He quickly showered, then dried off as well as he could with the wet towel she’d already used. He really should have brought two.

“Do not put on those clothes again, you’ve been wearing them for days,” she said when he bent to pick them up.

“What the hell am I supposed to wear, then?” He wasn’t going into the flat with nothing but a soaked towel around him.

She pointed to the robe on the back of the door. “I’m sure he won’t mind.”

Matteo eyed Hans’ gray and black robe, then shrugged. He slipped it on, and tied it firmly, unlike what Hans’ tended to do. Then he tried to wipe up all the water on the floor with his already wet towel and then with his clothes so that one of his roommates didn’t slip and brain themselves on the sink.

He didn’t bother picking Stella up, instead opening the door so they could go back to his room.

The smell of coffee was on the air. He stepped into the living room to find Hans in his sleep bottoms and loud shirt and Linn in her sweats and a large sweater, sitting and drinking from mugs. Fran and Dearie were perched on the windowsill, enjoying the air coming through the open window. Hans paused with his mug halfway to his mouth when he caught sight of Matteo.

“Um,” Matteo said, pausing and looking at them. “Any coffee left?”

“You’re in my robe,” Hans said.

“Uh, yeah. Sorry. You saw. Stella had a bath and she thinks she’s an otter or something. Water everywhere.” He held up his wet clothes and towel as proof.

“Excuse me,” Stella said from the floor near his feet. “I am a dolphin. Hi, Dearie! Hi, Fran!” She waved up to the birds.

Linn smiled brightly at them and Hans laughed. “Yes, there’s still coffee. But please wash my robe before you give it back.”

“Yeah, I should do laundry today,” Matteo said absently, and looked down to watch Stella run circles around his feet. “Can I help you?”

“Do you think there’s still strawberries left?” she asked.

His stomach audibly growled. “Let’s go check.”

“There’s left over roast,” Hans called after him after he’d thrown his wet clothes into his room and followed Stella to the kitchen.

Matteo and Stella ate some breakfast, strawberries for Stella and leftover roast made into a sandwich for Matteo, and he carried a mug of coffee back to his room.

They stepped inside his room and he scrunched his nose involuntarily.

“Ew,” Stella said. “You are gross.”

“We’re gross,” he said. He glanced around the room. There was laundry everywhere, and beer bottles and debris littered around. No wonder Hanna had made the face she had when she came in yesterday.

“Open the window,” Stella said. “I just bathed. I don’t want to smell like a joint again.”

She had a point. Matteo opened the windows and cracked open the door to the balcony and then started gathering his laundry. Stella went under the bed and carried out socks in her mouth, one at a time, and left them in a little pile for him.

“There’s boxers under there,” she said. “Get them yourself.”

“Fine,” he said, grinning.

They worked on the room for an hour. He put on one of her playlists at her request, and it didn’t even bother him when a certain soundtrack came on. She just sang away with it, and he hummed under his breath too. He put in some laundry, including Hans’ robe, once he changed into his own dry clothes.

When they were done, he slumped down in his chair, feeling accomplished for the first time in a long time. The playlist still kept going, the music white background noise. But as he sat and stared around his room, no longer busy, thoughts started to creep into his head. Jonas. His mom. David.

He reached for the little brown paraphernalia pouch.

“Please don’t,” Stella said. She came to sit by his foot.

His hand paused in the air. “What?”

“Please don’t smoke. You’re almost out anyway.” She scratched at his foot, so he lifted her into his lap. “I feel awake today.”

He blinked at her. He did too. He wasn’t sure he liked it much.

“Play a video game,” she said. “Let’s go for a walk. Let’s… you should study bio.”

He leaned away from the table, away from the weed, and put his head on the back of the chair.

“I feel better today,” she said.

“I do too,” he whispered. “Mostly.”

They were quiet for a few minutes. He could feel it, on the edge of her thoughts, what she wanted to talk about. What she wanted to say.

Finally, she whispered to him, as if afraid anything louder would set him off. “Did we… did we have an…you know.”

Episode.

He didn’t say anything, but ran his hand over her fluffy, clean fur. “I think. I don’t know.”

“Can we see Mama?”

That surprised him. “You know that means seeing Andreas.”

She nodded. “Yes. But.” She crawled across his lap, and started to paw up his front. He lifted her so that she rested against his shoulder. Her whiskers tickled his cheek.

“Don’t you think,” she said, “that they would understand?”

He put his head against hers. “Yeah.”

They sat in silence for a little while, then he pulled out his laptop and loaded a video game.

**

The ok.cool. chat buzzed for the day and Matteo actually paid attention. He bit down on his lower lip in consideration as they made plans for the following afternoon. It’d been a while since he’d seen them, and the last time he’d spoken to Jonas left them in a bad place.

Once a place and time was agreed on—ping pong in the park the following afternoon—and Jonas also agreed on going, then Matteo spoke up.

[ok.cool.]

MATTEO:
I’m in.
17:45

ABDI:
yeah broooooooo
17:46

CARLOS:
the meme king is here
17:46

Jonas hadn’t said anything in the chat to that but Matteo messaged him privately right away.

MATTEO:
Hey. Are you able to meet a couple minutes earlier?
I’d like to speak with you alone.
17:51

JONAS:
Absolutely bro.
17:53

**

Matteo and Stella got to the park early, and it wasn’t busy but they claimed a tennis table for their group. Stella was on the tabletop, chasing a long-dead leaf around in the wind while he leaned up against it, having a cigarette.

He put it out when he saw Jonas with Kathrin perched on his shoulder approaching them.

“Hey, man,” Matteo said, nodding. They bumped fists when Jonas came up to them.

“Hey.” Kathrin glided down from Jonas’ shoulder to land on the table, perching on the metal net in the middle. Stella sat halfway between the net and Matteo at the end, her head swivelling to take in everything and everyone.

They were quiet for a moment and then Jonas said, “All’s good?”

Matteo was tempted to answer with his usual, Yeah, fine, but he did ask Jonas here for a very specific reason. And that was, in reality, no not really, everything was not good. And they both knew it.

“I wanted to apologize for last week,” Matteo said. “I was in a shitty mood. And I acted shitty. I didn’t mean to.”

Jonas nodded. “I know, bro. I know.”

“I’m sorry too,” Stella said to Kathrin, and then nodded at Jonas. “I was shitty too.”

“Of course you were,” Matteo said. “If I am, you are.”

“Not always,” Stella said haughtily. “Most time, you’re shitty and I’m amazing. It just works out that way.”

Jonas grinned. “She has a point, dude.”

“I know,” Matteo agreed lightly. “But I can’t admit that or it would go to her big head.”

“Hey!” Stella stuck her tongue out at him.

Kathrin addressed Stella. “And how are you feeling now?”

“Better,” Stella said. She looked at Matteo. “But. That could just be today. Tomorrow? Who knows.”

Matteo sighed. “You had a point,” he said to Jonas. “Stella and I talked. And, well. We’re going to see my mom soon and go from there.”

“Yeah?” Jonas’ face was soft, and supportive. “I think that’s a good idea.”

“Yeah.” Matteo left it at that. His head was starting to hurt and he didn’t want that. Not right now. “So, I’m sorry. For last week.”

“Forgiven.” Jonas slapped his hand and then pulled him into a quick hug. “As long as,” he added, “you keep me updated. And remember you can come and talk to me. About anything.”

“I’ll try,” Matteo said. It was the best he could do. He didn’t want to make a promise he might end up breaking.

“Okay. Here’s the boys,” Jonas said, nodding across the park.

“I’m going to tell them,” Matteo said. “Not about, you know. My… mom stuff.” He had no idea what else to call it, but sort of gestured at his head. His fucked up head stuff. “I mean about, you know.” He almost gestured at his dick but that probably wasn’t quite what he meant either.

Stella could sense it though, and she laughed at him.

“You can say it,” Stella said. “Being gaaaaaaaay.”

“What’s gay?” Carlos said as he walked up to the table. His Maria the monkey deftly climbed off his shoulder and onto the tabletop. She sat quietly but watched Stella with interest.

Matteo slapped his hand to his forehead and Stella giggled. “Whoops,” she said.

“You’re not making fun of gay dudes, are you?” Carlos said, alarmed. “Not cool.”

“No,” Matteo said. “I’m really not.”

“Do you think it’s easier?” Abdi asked to the group at large. He set Rafida the squirrel onto the table too, and she darted around, making figure-eights around Stella and Maria. “Between two dudes? Like. You know, more chill?”

“No,” Matteo said immediately. “Absolutely not.”

“How do you know?” Abdi said. “Like you’ve dated a dude.” It was light and teasing but this was it. This was the chance.

“I started to,” Matteo said. “It’s a fucking mess and I don’t know what the hell is going on.”

Carlos and Abdi fell silent. All the daemons looked at Stella. Abdi just seemed confused. “You…”

Carlos nodded. “Thought so. About time you said something.”

Abdi slapped the back of his hand against Carlos’ arm. “Wait. You knew?”

“Not, like, specifically,” Carlos said. “But I’m not surprised.”

“How’d you know?” Abdi seemed upset that he didn’t know. Matteo just grinned and shook his head at their back-and-forth.

Carlos shrugged. “Vibes.”

“What? Vibes? For you?” Abdi looked offended. “You have vibes for him and not me?”

“No,” Matteo stressed. “For none of you. Not even Jonas.”

Jonas laughed at Abdi’s even more offended look. “What do you mean, not even Jonas?” Abdi asked. “You’d pick him over me?”

“Of course he would,” Carlos said, nodding.

“I would over both of you,” Matteo said.

“What?” Now Carlos was offended. “Over me too?”

Jonas grinned. “Bam.”

“Fuck you,” Carlos said. “Matteo, I’m way more of a catch. Just so you know.”

“How’s Kiki?” Abdi asked pointedly.

“She’s great,” Carlos said. “Did I tell you about the spa?” He launched into a spiel about health and wellness and how amazing it was to go to a spa. If there was any shock about Matteo’s announcement, they were over it. But he didn’t think there’d been any to begin with.

The ball of nerves he’d had all morning was untangling. He apologized to Jonas. Now his boys knew he was gay and, aside from being offended he didn’t want any of them, it was good. It was good.

“You should take your boy there,” Carlos ended up saying to Matteo. “Woo him with the spas.”

Matteo scrunched up his nose. “No, no, I really don’t think so.”

“What’s up with him?” Abdi said. As an afterthought, “And who is it?”

Carlos and Jonas exchanged looks and Matteo thought, maybe, they had it figured out. Matteo wasn’t going to confirm or deny either way.

He shook his head. “I don’t know what’s up. And I’m not ready to talk about who it is. Not until I know what’s going on. If I ever do.”

“Respect, dude,” Carlos said. “We won’t say anything.” He paused. “So I probably shouldn’t tell Kiki you’re gay, yeah?”

Matteo made his decision. “It’s fine. You can tell her about me.”

Abdi gave him a look. “You sure? If Kiki knows, everyone will.”

Carlos slapped him up the backside of the head. “Hey! That’s my woman you’re talking about.”

“I’m talking the truth!” Abdi protested.

“Well, yeah, but don’t put it that way!”

Honestly, it’d be a relief if he didn’t have to tell anyone else. He’d told Jonas and Hanna and his boys. His should tell his roommates but two thirds of them pretty much knew and it wouldn’t be hard to slip it into conversation with Linn. He wished he had a moment to talk to Amira, hope she’d be okay with it, but they’d see each other soon enough and maybe they’d discuss it. Sam needed to know too, and then there it was. Everyone he cared about would know.

“It’s fine,” Matteo said. “You can tell her. Then maybe I can stop talking about it like it’s a big thing.”

“Talking about big things, you should totally pick me over these two. If you know what I mean,” Carlos said, and everyone else groaned. Maria the monkey punched him on the arm. “Ow!”

Jonas said, “Okay, so, Matteo likes men, Carlos is an idiot, and now we can play table tennis, yes?”

“Yes,” everyone else agreed.

**

There was another envelope waiting for Matteo when he got home, his name neatly printed in the cool lettering across the front.

“Why?” Stella asked as she stared at it.

Matteo didn’t feel like disappearing. He wasn’t going to dip into despair. Now, he was only curious. Curious to see what their parallel future could hold.

He opened the envelope.

On the left, David and Jasmine sat side-by-side at a cleared table, staring at the empty bench across from them. On the right, David and Jasmine were at the table but Matteo and Stella sat across from them. Their table was full of food, but most prominently in the middle was a plate of waffles. Amongst the black lines, there were highlights of red strawberries, including the one Stella ate.

Matteo sighed. He went to the neat little stack he’d made on his desk during their cleaning purge, where he kept the other drawings. He put that one with them.

“Don’t forget to water my plant,” Stella said. “And you should open a textbook.”

He groaned but agreed, and also texted Amira. He was going to need some help catching up. He promised he’d be ready this time. As ready as anyone could be while studying bio, anyway.

Next, he texted Mama.

**

MATTEO:
Dear Mama, Stella and I would like to visit with you soon.
Maybe go out for coffee?
18:02

MAMA:
I would love that!
I have choir practice on Thursday. Would you like to meet after?
18:32

MATTEO:
Yes that would work. I’ll meet you at the church.
18:40

MAMA:
Perfect! I will see you then.
18:48

MATTEO:
There is something I would like to tell you before we meet.
I started seeing someone. I don’t know where we stand now.
But his name is David, and I think he’s wonderful.
19:43

MAMA:
My darling boy. I’m glad you’ve met someone wonderful.
I hope it works out for you. I look forward to talking about this later in the week!
20:02

MATTEO:
Thank you, Mama. See you soon.
20:08

**

Matteo walked into the school and was almost surprised there were other students around. The lower grades were still in classes and, now that his were done, he’d almost forgot school was still in session for most. Unlucky bastards.

Then again. Having to write their Abi wasn’t any picnic.

He texted Amira.

MATTEO:
I’m at the school. In the foyer. Can you come here for a second?
11:13

She read it but didn’t reply, but he saw her a little while later, Abasi walking alongside her. Matteo nodded off to the side to a bank of lockers they could hide between for privacy.

“Put me down,” Stella said as they walked over. He took her from his pocket carefully and put her on the ground. She fell into step beside Abasi, though neither of them spoke.

“What’s going on?” Amira asked when they got to the lockers. “What’s the mystery? You’re not planning to kill me, are you?”

“Torture,” Matteo said. “After I get exam answers out of you.”

“If only I knew what would be on the test. Don’t think this will help much. What’s up?”

“Did you hear? About me?” Stella chose that moment to sit on his right foot.

Her smile was soft. “I did.”

“Okay.” He stared at her. She stared back. “And we’re cool?”

She raised an eyebrow. “Shouldn’t we be?”

“Well, yes. I hope. But.” He chickened out. It was a stupid thing, to think she wouldn’t be accepting. Because of course she would be. She spoke of tolerance and acceptance a lot, especially in regards to her religion.

Except for fools. She would not suffer fools. Half the time he worried she thought he was one.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you myself,” he said. “I wanted to, but lately there’s been… a lot.”

She patted his arm, a surprisingly sweet gesture. “Don’t worry about it. But thank you for telling me now. Are you feeling better? You seemed… not well, last week.”

“Like I said, a lot was going on.” He shrugged. “I feel better.” He wasn’t about to get into all of it with her. He wasn’t ready to get into all of it with anyone, yet. Except maybe Mama, but that would be tomorrow. “Yeah. So, okay,” he said, hoping he wouldn’t get too awkward. “Ready to drag my ass through this exam?”

“I don’t think anyone could be ready enough for that,” she said, rolling her eyes.

He thought fleetingly of David, and maybe asking Amira about him, but tried to let the thought go. “True. But let’s try this anyway.”

“Let’s go.”

Stella stayed on the ground, walking at his side. Abasi kept his distance, at first, but by the time they got to the library, Stella and Abasi were walking side-by-side. Still not talking, but Stella was around another daemon and not hiding, and Matteo couldn’t be more proud.

In the library, Hanna and Sam were talking rather than looking at their books, but they dropped their chatter once Amira and he walked in. He wondered briefly if it was about him, but it was cleared up immediately.

“We were studying. Really,” Sam said quickly.

Ah, yes. The guilt of not studying when Amira thought you were.

Amira rolled her eyes. “Sure you were.”

Abasi jumped onto the table. He took his poised position at the corner edge of the table, as he tended to do while they were studying. Hanna’s fluffy Tobias stretched out lazily on the other end.

“Hi, Matteo,” Hanna said happily.

“Matteo, my cool man,” Sam said. She high-fived Matteo.

“Up, I want up,” Stella said. He lifted her onto the table. Stella had always been obsessed with Sam’s daemon, a little chameleon named George, who was near Sam’s books. Today George was bright neon green, offset by the dark green sweater Sam wore. Sometimes George matched her perfectly, and sometimes he was the exact opposite but they always fit together in the best way.

“I wish I could be green,” Stella said wistfully.

Matteo pulled out his textbook. “I can make you green if you want. I’m sure there’s paint somewhere.”

“Don’t you even think about it,” Stella said haughtily. To George, she asked, “Can you turn blue?”

“Stella, don’t be rude,” Matteo said.

“It’s fine,” Sam said. “He will if he wants, he won’t if he doesn’t.”

“Sounds fair,” Matteo said.

Amira asked Matteo how much work he had done in the past couple weeks and he was shamefaced to admit just the couple hours he’d done the day before.

“Oh dear,” she said, raising her eyebrows. She opened her book. “I’m way ahead of that, but I have no problem reviewing with you.”

“Thanks,” he said gratefully. Stella made a delighted noise when George turned blue.

“Thank you,” she said to him. She turned back to Matteo—apparently she’d socialized enough, and George’s colour slowly faded back to neon green.

They focussed on studying for a couple hours, Sam helping Hanna with her course work, and Amira helping Matteo with his. They got through a surprising amount, and without the fogginess of pot in his system, it felt like he actually knew this shit. Or, at least, he had an easier time recollecting it, and absorbing what Amira told him.

“I might need a break,” he said eventually, his head falling to the table like it usually did. It may have seemed easier—the easiest since he’d studied with David, weeks ago—but it was still a lot.

“Me too,” Amira said, rubbing her temple. “It’s a lot to remember. I think you’re doing good, though.”

“Thanks,” he said gratefully

His mobile pinged and he opened the ok.cool. group chat.

“Hey, Jonas and Abdi are almost here,” he said. “But not for studying.”

“We’re going out tonight,” Sam said. “All of us.” She waved her hand around.

Amira looked amused. “First I’m hearing of it.”

Hanna’s smile was less amused, and almost nervous. “Me too.”

“Oh.” Sam blinked then shrugged. “Sorry, I forgot to say. Wanna go out with us tonight?”

“Where?” Matteo asked.

Sam shrugged. “My brother has a gig. He promised Abdi at his birthday that he’d get us in the next time he played.”

Matteo wasn’t too keen on big crowds right now, and neither was Stella. And he had a big day tomorrow. It was too tempting to get drunk or high if he went out, and Stella would kill him if he didn’t keep his head clear.

“Sorry, don’t think I can tonight,” he said, grabbing his books. “But I’ll go say hi to the boys.”

“Yes, I think we’re done here,” Amira said, packing up her books too.

Stella walked over to George. “Can you be a rainbow?”

“God, Stella,” Matteo said. “Leave the poor guy alone.” He scooped her up and put her on his shoulder. They all headed out of the library, the halls filled with students after the bell for end of classes rang, but they didn’t have problem finding Jonas and Abdi in the large front foyer.

Abdi’s grin was ridiculous when he caught sight of Sam. Matteo tried not to tease him about it—not in front of Sam, anyway.

“Hello, friends,” Jonas said. He did a handshake with Matteo, pulling him into a quick hug, and kissed the ladies on the cheek. Even Hannah, who blushed. “How was studying?”

Stella made a raspberry noise. Jonas laughed.

Matteo flicked her lightly on the cheek. “It was fine, actually. Got a lot done.”

“Going to come out tonight?” Abdi asked. “Should be a good time.”

“Nah,” Matteo said. He glanced at Jonas. “Going to visit my mom tomorrow.”

“Nice,” Jonas said casually, as if it wasn’t a huge deal. He squeezed Matteo’s elbow though.

“George! You’re a rainbow!” Stella said excitedly.

Matteo glanced to Sam’s shoulder, where George sat. His scaly skin wasn’t exactly a rainbow, not all uniform, but he was a variety of rainbow colours in different splotches, right from his nose to his curled tail.

“Very cool,” Sam said approvingly, scritching one long nail under his chin.

“Florenzi!” Edward called. “That for you? Heard you were gay.”

Matteo muttered under his breath, “Oh for fuck’s sake.”

“I hate that guy,” Stella muttered just the same.

He turned from his friends and saw Edward across the foyer, his pug daemon marching along at his side. Edward smirked.

“Rainbows are for gays, right?” Edward grabbed his crotch. “Always knew you wanted to—”

Stella spoke loudly, cutting him off. And it shut everyone up, because it wasn’t like daemons did this often.

“As if he could find that tiny thing, you asshole.”

You’d be able to hear a pin drop from anywhere in the school, Matteo was pretty sure.

Edward’s smirk faltered. “What did she say?”

“You heard her,” Jonas said, stepping to Matteo’s right side. Kathrin glided to the floor in front of them, the feathers on her head ruffled out, making her look surprisingly mean and intimidating.

“Aren’t you embarrassed,” Stella said to the pug, “that your human is such a homophobe?”

Edward’s mocking smile had dropped completely. He took a couple steps forward. “Now, you listen here—”

“Are you talking to my daemon?” Matteo asked. He felt surprisingly calm. “She’s telling the truth, but don’t you dare talk to her.”

“Heathen,” Abdi said.

“So rude,” Amira, who was on Matteo’s immediate left, added.

Tobias the orange cat, Abasi the black cat, and Rafida the squirrel all joined Kathrin in front of Matteo and Stella, as if forming a protective ring around Matteo and Stella that Edward would have to go through if he wanted to go after either of them. And that’d be a mission that landed him right in jail if he even tried.

“Get out of here,” Matteo said, flipping Edward off. “My gay ass is done listening to you.”

George’s rainbow pattern shone even brighter from where he was perched on Sam’s shoulder, just to the left of Amira.

There were quite a few people around, since the bell had gone and it was in between classes. There were murmurs, from humans and daemons alike, as they watched Edward standing by himself facing the little army of humans and daemons that were protecting Matteo and Stella.

Stella circled her front leg twice and pumped a paw in the air. Beside them, Jonas snorted, because he was the only one who knew what that meant.

“You tell him, Stella,” Jonas said quietly.

“You know what, fuck this,” Edward said, rolling his eyes. His voice didn’t sound as strong as it usually did. “I was only joking.”

“You’re not funny,” Stella said sternly. “Get a clue.” That made others in the area laugh.

The pug said something quietly, then Edward turned on his heels and the two of them left. A couple comments were flown out from the crowd—“Jerk!” and “Get out, asshole”— but that was it. Everyone else went about their day, and no one said a thing to or about Matteo. At least not in his earshot, so he really didn’t give a fuck.

Matteo turned back to his friends, but he saw a quick flash of black and orange from above. But when he looked at the balcony, he couldn’t see Jasmine or David. It was probably a trick of his imagination. He’d want to see them anywhere.

“What an asshole,” Sam said. “Way to tell him, guys.”

“Hopefully he leaves you alone now,” Hanna said.

Matteo shrugged. “Who the fuck cares. We’re almost done with this place.”

“Here, here!” Abdi gave Matteo a high-five.

They walked out of the school, and all parted to go different ways—Amira wasn’t going out that night either, but the others were going to meet up with Kiki and Carlos. Stella insisted on walking by herself for a bit, a little ball of energy scurrying around his feet. All the other daemons made a point of saying goodbye, and she happily chirped ones back to them.

Kathrin glided over their heads, and before he left, Jonas slung an arm around Matteo’s shoulders. Matteo couldn’t help but lean in to it.

“Proud of you, dude.” Jonas pulled him closer and kissed the top of his head. “Good luck tomorrow, okay?”

“Yeah,” Matteo said. He pulled away and then did a ridiculous handshake with him. “I’ll let you know how it goes.”

Jonas pointed a finger at him. “You better.”

Matteo got on the bus home, Stella scooped up against his chest. “You’re pretty amazing, you know that,” he murmured.

“Well, duh,” she said. She cuddled closer. “You’re not so bad yourself.”

**

It’d been a long time since Matteo walked into a church.

Stella had always liked it—at least, she liked the choir. She’d always liked music, of any kind. Along with Mama, she’d been proud when Matteo sung in the choir when he was younger. Unlike Mama, she understood when Matteo decided to stop. He just couldn’t sing where he didn’t have faith anymore.

But it was nice, a moment of nostalgia, as he walked up the steps and heard the choir singing.

He quietly made his way into the church, and instantly saw his mother, front row and in the center, holding up her sheet music.

Pausing and closing his eyes for a moment, he let the peacefulness of the church wash over him, and the beautiful swell of voices as they sang about love and forgiveness really did feel as though they could keep evil at bay.

He stopped halfway down the aisle and sat in a pew with Stella on his lap. Catching his mother’s eye, he gave a half-smile in greeting. She looked well, much better than the last time he’d seen her—healthier, happier. At peace.

When they were done their hymn, his mother excused herself from the others and came up the aisle.

Andreas, her Golden Retriever daemon, followed behind her, though at a shy pace. He looked better too—well groomed, his coat brushed and shiny, and his nails short enough they did not make a clicking noise across the floor. He seemed calm, mellow, much more like the sweet Andreas he remembered from childhood rather than the irritable, aggressive one of the past couple years.

“Hello, my dear boy,” Mama said, approaching them. She smiled kindly at Stella and softly said, “Hello, Stellabella.”

“Hi, Mama,” Stella said quietly, then slid off his thigh to the bench so he could stand without her.

“Mama,” Matteo said as he stood.

Then he hugged her. He put his head on her shoulder and breathed deep, the familiar scent mixture of shampoo and detergent he hadn’t smelled in a long time filling his nose.

“Everything will be okay,” she said, patting a hand on the back of his head. “It’ll be alright.”

When he pulled away, he discreetly wiped a tear from the corner of his eye as he turned to the pew, where Stella sat patiently. He picked her up and cradled her close to his chest.

“Hello, Andreas,” Matteo said as he turned back. Stella didn’t say anything, but she waved down at him, and that was a lot.

Andreas, who’d been sitting completely still at Mama’s side, visibly relaxed, as if tension had drained right out of him. His deep voice said kindly, “Hello, you two.”

“Should we go for coffee, then?” Mama asked. “I think we should sit and talk, yes?”

Matteo nodded. Mama slid her arm through his and her hand rested lightly in the crook of his elbow as he escorted them from the church.

**

“How’ve you been?” Matteo asked. “Really been?”

Mama smiled as she stirred a spoon in her decaf coffee. Dad would probably be appalled that she was drinking that, anything less than a strong espresso considered blasphemy, but she seemed happy with her choice and that was all that mattered.

“I’m doing much better,” Mama said. She patted the top of Andreas’ head. “We both are.”

Matteo nodded. He could see that, clear as day.

“I’m taking my medication and going to my doctor and psychologist appointments, and this has been an incredible help. I never should have stopped, and I know that now.”

Matteo hadn’t known. When he was growing up, he hadn’t known that what he thought were daily ‘grown-up vitamins’, kept on the highest of shelves, were actually antidepressants. He hadn’t known that while he was at school, she’d gone to regular appointments. He hadn’t known until she’d stopped, until she started acting different, until Dad spoke openly about it as he tried to convince her to take all of it up again.

“That’s good,” he said. He didn’t know how to talk about this. He hadn’t the chance to master it, to do so without feeling stupid, or like a failure. But he wanted her to know he was proud of her. “It’s good to hear.”

“And I’ve started back to work. Just part time,” she added at his surprised look. “Half days for now. But hopefully I’ll work up to full time soon enough.”

She hadn’t worked full time in years. That, probably, was the biggest news of all. He wondered how attainable it actually was, but didn’t want to ruin her spirits by pointing that out.

“And the new flat is quite nice,” she said. “It’s smaller than the house, of course, but I’m finding it easier to upkeep, especially since I’m on my own, so I think in the long run that is much better.”

The house. He hated hearing about the old house. It had been the cause of the problems—well, no. It hadn’t. But it had been the final straw, the one that had tipped her right over, from barely holding it together after the separation to completely losing it when the divorce and the sale of the house was completed.

It’d caused the Big Episode.

“I’ll have to come see it sometime,” he managed to say.

“Yes, I would love to have you and Stella over to visit,” she said. Matteo could feel Stella shift in his hood, where she was hiding, at the mention of her name. Andreas kept looking at the little ball hidden on Matteo’s back but he wasn’t about to force her out.

“I’d like that,” Matteo said.

“There’s a spare room, and you’re always welcome to it. Not that I’m expecting you to return home,” she said when he involuntarily winced. “You’re out on your own and making your own way. I don’t expect you to move back. I just want you to know there’s always a place for you if you need it.”

Matteo brushed a thumb along the outside of his mug, where a drip of his coffee had made its escape.

“I know,” he said. “Thank you.”

“And how is your flatshare?” she asked.

“Fine,” he said blandly.

She smiled. “You can tell me the whole truth. I can take it.”

He relaxed. “It’s... really good. I like my flatmates. They’re nice. It’s going well.”

“Good. And your Abi exams?” He made a face and she laughed. “I remember those days,” she said. “They’ll be over soon then you can get on with life.”

“I... yeah.” He paused. This would be the time to bring it up, it would. He didn’t know how to start.

Stella climbed out of his hood onto his shoulder, and pressed her face against his neck. She said quietly, “It’s okay. I’m here.”

“Mama,” Matteo started. He stopped and cleared his throat. “I think... actually, the last couple weeks have been... Hard. Well. The last few months, really, but it’s been bad recently.”

She tilted her head and frowned. “How? Not financially? Your father said he’d send you money.”

“He has,” Matteo said, though talking about his father was the last thing he wanted to do right now. “That’s not... it’s just.” He pressed his lips together. “I mean. Sometimes I’m sad. Or I can’t get out of bed. Sometimes I can’t eat. And I think...”

“Are we having episodes?” Stella asked bluntly.

“Stella, Jesus—sorry, Mama,” he said at her stern look. But it softened when she looked at him, really looked, as if she saw something there. Maybe a reflection of herself. That scared him.

“My darling boy,” Mama said. She paused for a moment, sorting her thoughts, maybe, just like he had to sometimes. Maybe that’s where he got it from. She said gently, “I had wanted to ask. I worried, after what had happened. But I’m not a doctor. I can’t diagnose you. But I can recommend that, perhaps, you speak to one.”

Matteo slumped in his chair. He couldn’t think of anything he wanted to do less. “I don’t know. Maybe.”

She reached out and covered one of his hands with her own, and squeezed. “It’s better to know now. Maybe you did have an episode, and maybe it’ll only be this once. Maybe you’ll be more like me. Or something in between. Maybe you’ll need help to make things manageable. And that’s okay. If I’ve learned anything, it’s not to be ashamed of seeking help.”

“And maybe I need help too,” Stella said. “Because other daemons make me nervous and I don’t know how to stop that. I don’t like it. I don’t want it.”

“Oh, Stellabella,” Matteo said, his eyes welling up. He blinked as hard as he could. He wasn’t going to start that here. He wanted to pull her down from his shoulder and cradle her close but he didn’t think she’d appreciate that right this second. Not when she being brave.

“I’m so sorry, Stella,” Andreas said, his voice thick with regret.

“I know you are. You’ve said before. And I accept that,” Stella said. “You don’t have to keep saying it. You and Mama got help.” She leaned her tiny face against Matteo’s. “So maybe we should too.”

“Yeah,” Matteo said. He scratched her under the chin, like Sam had done to George, and she sighed into it. “Yeah, maybe we should.”

“I think that’s a good idea,” Mama said softly. “At least, try to figure it out. Know for sure. There’s a certain kind of peace in knowledge. Understanding will help you move forward.”

Matteo nodded. God, this was exhausting. All he wanted to do was slide to the floor and curl into a ball around Stella. He took a sip of his coffee instead, and tried to put on a brave face. Stella was so good at it, he should be too.

Her face shifted, into something more playful. Fanciful, like she used to get. She turned his hand over and he instinctively uncurled his fingers, laying them flat. “Would you like a reading?”

Matteo had never figured that out, when he was younger. How his mother, deeply religious and dedicated, had known anything about palm reading. But she used to do it for him, when he was young, though he now suspected she made up amazing life stories and futures just to amuse him and Stella.

“There’s the heart line,” she said, pointing a finger just over it. “I do believe we have a little to discuss about that, don’t we? Would you like me to tell you where it could possibly go?”

He curled up his fingers again, and gently pulled his hand away. “I think I need to figure this one out on my own.”

“Fair enough,” she said, not at all offended. “Will you tell me about David? I always said there was happiness and deep commitment on your heart line—at least tell me if I predicated closely.”

Matteo smiled in spite of himself. It had hurt, for a while, thinking of David. But now—now he wanted to remember the good. Even if he didn’t get any more of it, he was proud of the taste he’d had.

“That’s not exactly happiness,” Matteo said truthfully. “I mean, it’s—me being out is one thing, and I’m happy about that.” It was still hard to say it in front of her, but she smiled encouragingly and he knew he needn’t worry. He was glad he hadn’t listened to his father, that he’d decided to tell her. “But my involvement with David is a completely different thing, and it’s confusing and kind of...” He frowned, trying to find a word for it.

“It’s a fucking mess,” Stella said, echoing him from his chat with the boys. Andreas snorted.

“Hey,” he said, flicking her chin lightly. “Not in front of Mama.”

“Mama gets it, though,” Mama said. “Relationships can be messy. And wonderful and beautiful and worth all the trouble.”

“Yeah,” Matteo said. “It was those other things, for a while.”

“Well,” Mama said. “I hope it gets there again.”

“Me too,” Matteo said.

“Some relationships take more effort than others,” she said. “Just like taking care of yourself, and looking out for your own well being, it can be a lot of work. It’s not just handed to you as a line on your palm. But here’s the secret…”

“Yes?” he prompted.

She smiled. “The hard work is worth it, in the end.”

“Doesn’t sound like much of a secret,” he said, grinning.

“You’d be surprised how many people don’t realize, though.” She took a sip of her coffee, winking at him over the rim of the mug.

“I think you’re right about that,” he agreed.

Historically, he wasn’t the best at hard work. But she had a point—it would be worth it, for this. For himself. For Stella. For David and Jasmine.

He was willing to try.

**

On Saturday afternoon Matteo went to the shops. His appetite had returned and the Easter leftovers were long gone and he was dangerously low on food. He didn’t want to cause any trouble by stealing more of Hans’ wurst.

He came home and made a big pot of pasta and sauce. His roommates were all home, for once, so he shared. They sat around in the living room eating and Linn brought out a deck of cards.

“I wish I could,” Mia said. “But I’m off to Alex’s tonight.”

“Of course you are,” Hans said. “I’m out a bit later, but I’ll play for a little while.”

“I’m in,” Matteo said. He had nowhere else to go that night anyway.

They thought Mia was on the way out, but she’d come back into the living room in her spring coat carrying an envelope. “This was under the door,” she said, and handed it to Matteo.

The printing was so familiar. He couldn’t help but trace his name, knowing that David had taken the care to do this. When he looked up, all three of them plus their daemons were staring at him and Stella.

“I just need a minute,” he said. He got off the couch and headed to his room, Stella close on his heels. He wanted to look at this in privacy.

“Where do you think we are this time?” Stella asked.

“Cowboys in Texas?”

“Bullfighting in Spain?” Stella guessed.

They were skiing in Norway. Well, it was a funny drawing with Matteo under a mound of snow with Stella pointing and laughing at him, and Jasmine and David looking down at them fondly, amused. Though they were incredibly sad on the side where they were by themselves, no Matteo or Stella to join them in the snow.

He put it with the rest of drawings, and returned to his roommates. He lost the two rounds horribly. His mind was elsewhere.

Later, Hans went out and had convinced Linn to join him, but Matteo blew it off again. He felt better, but he wasn’t in the mood.

Matteo retreated to his room and pulled out his mobile. “Enough is enough.” He didn’t want drawings and parallel universes anymore. He wanted reality. He wanted to know what was going on in reality, anyway.

“Are you going to message them?” Stella asked.

“Yes,” Matteo said decisively. But he asked, “Is that okay?”

“She would never have hurt me,” Stella said. “Not really.”

“No,” Matteo said. “I don’t believe she would have. But I still have to apologize.”

“Why do you have to?”

“Because it’s the right thing to do.”

He sat at his desk chair, hands and mobile rested on the desktop, and Stella climbed up so she could read the message he composed.

He pulled up the chat. The last message was thirteen days ago. Had it really been that long? It felt like yesterday. It felt like a year ago. It was so hard to tell, with the fog he’d been in. Stella was right: it was good to be awake.

[Sunday, April 14th]

MATTEO:
Hey. Wanna come over and help me study again?
Study for real!
14:16

DAVID:
Dear Matteo. It’s all going a little too fast right now.
I just need some time to get my thoughts together.
I’m sorry. Let’s talk after exams.
17:54

[today]

MATTEO:
Hey. I want to apologize. You asked me for time and I pushed.
I never meant to make you feel uncomfortable.
But if you want to see me again… now, after exams, after Abi, next year. Anytime.
Just let me know. I’m willing to talk. When you’re ready.
21:19

He put the mobile down and took a deep breath.

“I’m proud of you,” Stella said. “I am. Very mature. Who are you and what have you done with Matteo?”

“Ha ha,” he said, but ran a hand over her back in appreciation.

“Now what?” Stella asked.

His hand itched to light a joint. He reached for his laptop instead. “Zelda?”

“Zelda,” she agreed.

His mobile rang.

Two minutes after sending the text, his mobile rang. The caller ID showed David’s name and his contact picture of him with an apocalyptic dinosaur from the amusement park.

“What?” He stared at the screen, dumbstruck.

“Answer it,” Stella hissed. “And hold the mobile close so I can hear.”

He answered it.

“Hello?”

“Hi,” David said.

Matteo closed his eyes. He’d missed that voice, but he didn’t know what to say to keep David speaking. “Hi. Um. You got my message?”

“Yes,” David said.

“I didn’t expect—you didn’t have to call,” Matteo said.

“I wanted to. I want—can I see you?”

“You want to?”

“Yes,” David said. “Are you free tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow is Sunday,” Matteo said. “You have your film class.” He didn’t want to get in the way of something David enjoyed.

“I do,” David said. His voice was soft, like he was surprised Matteo remembered. “In the afternoon. It’s the last class of the course.”

“Then you shouldn’t miss it.”

“Before the class?” David said hopefully.

“I’m going to church tomorrow morning,” Matteo said.

There was a pause. “I didn’t realize you were religious.”

“I’m not,” Matteo answered. “It’s been years since I’ve been to a service. But my mom is singing in her choir and she asked me to come.”

“That’s nice,” David said.

“I guess.” Matteo paused. “There’s a little window, I think. Between church and your class. Or we can wait—”

“No, no. That’d be perfect,” David said hurriedly. “Really. Where’s the church?” Matteo told him the address and David hummed. “I think I know a place,” David said, “that we can meet. I’ll let you know where?”

“Okay,” he said softly. “Sounds good.”

“So tomorrow, then?” David sounded hopeful again. Matteo didn’t want to read too much into it, but it made him hopeful too. Whatever happened, at least they were going to talk it out.

“Tomorrow,” Matteo said.

“Okay,” David said. “See you then.”

“See you then.”

Matteo thumbed the screen and ended the call. Then he glanced at Stella, who stared at him.

“Um.” He shrugged. “That’s okay, right?” He hadn’t even asked her if it was okay, if she’d mind seeing Jasmine again. He hadn’t been able to think much beyond David, and seeing David, and maybe figuring this all out.

“Fucking duh,” Stella said. Matteo laughed and cuddled her close, despite her fake protests.

**

The coordinates led them to a park. Not one he’d been to before, but it wasn’t too far from his mother’s church. The service had been... what every church service was, but the choir had been good. Stella had liked the music.

He leaned against a stone wall, looking out over the river the park was alongside. Stella was perched on his shoulder but acted as a look out. She didn’t wanted to be surprised when David and Jasmine approached.

“They’re here, they’re here,” she exclaimed in a stage-whisper. “Let me down. No, not on the ground,” she protested. “Onto the wall.” He set her down, where it put her at his chest level and far above Jasmine’s head.

“Hey,” he said, turning so his back leaned against the wall.

“Hey,” David replied. He stopped a few feet away from them, and Jasmine sat at his side. She gazed at Stella.

“Okay,” Stella said. “Before we get into all the deep bullshit—” Matteo hit his palm to his forehead and David bit on his bottom lip, a tell-tale sign of holding back a smile, and Matteo had missed that— “I have one thing to say to Jasmine.”

She stood at the edge of the top of the wall, raised her little front leg into the air, circled it twice, and pumped up her paw.

“Stella,” Matteo groaned.

“That’s fair,” Jasmine said. “I deserve that.”

“Yes you do,” Stella said vehemently. “What was that roaring shit?”

“Well,” David said, trying not to laugh. “This is off to a great start, isn’t it?” His eyes met Matteo’s, and everything in Matteo wanted to reach out and touch David, and kiss him and never let him go.

He had no idea if that was going to be allowed.

He had no idea if David would even want that after they talked.

“Fantastic start,” Matteo agreed. He went to scoop up Stella but she darted out of his reach.

“I’m not finished here,” she said.

“Great,” he said. “Let’s completely napalm this discussion.”

“Jasmine needs to know,” Stella said. “She needs to know I can protect you just as well as she does David. She needs to know she can’t talk to us like that anymore. And no more roars!”

“I won’t,” Jasmine said to her. “I lost my temper and I was mean but I would never hurt either of you. I’ve learned my lesson. I’ll never roar at you again.”

“Or Matteo,” Stella said. “Even if he deserves it sometimes.”

“Hey,” Matteo said mildly.

“Matteo,” Jasmine addressed him, causing him to startle. It’s the first time she ever had. “I truly am sorry.”

“I—” He couldn’t say it was okay. He couldn’t tell her to forget about it. He couldn’t say, hey don’t worry. He didn’t want any of this to happen again. “I know. Apology accepted.”

“Thank you for the plant,” Stella said primly. “Matteo hasn’t killed it yet.” He rolled his eyes.

“And I know you can protect him,” Jasmine put in. “Your words cut as deep as any roar could.”

Stella and Matteo blinked at her.

“We were at the school the other day,” David said softly. “We heard what Stella said to that jerk.”

“You were amazing,” Jasmine said with a bit of awe.

Stella’s little chest puffed out. “Yes, I was.”

“Your friends are really great,” David said. “Very supportive.”

“They are great,” Matteo agreed. “Uh, yeah. So in case you hadn’t figured it out... I’m out. People know I’m gay. That... I’m sorry if that’s an issue for you.”

“It is not,” David said immediately. “It is not at all. Don’t apologize.”

“Okay,” Matteo said.

“But,” David said, “I do have something to tell you. About me. Can we sit?”

“Sure,” Matteo said. Stella let him scoop her up this time. They fell into step beside David and Jasmine, until they found a bench to sit on, a little secluded and away from others. Matteo was positive David picked this place for a reason.

“So,” David said after they sat down. Jasmine was right beside him, resting her big head on his knee. He put a hand on top, scratching behind one of her ears.

Matteo remained quiet, with Stella sitting on his lap while they faced David. He waited patiently. He said he wouldn’t push. He was curious, but he wanted David to feel ready to tell him about whatever it was he needed to say.

“So,” David repeated. Then he rubbed his forehead and laughed quietly to himself. As if trying to drag up some courage and he couldn’t find it, and all he could do was laugh.

Matteo understood that.

“There’s a reason I left my other school. Why I transferred so close to Abi,” David said. He paused and swallowed hard.

“Not murder, I’m thinking,” Matteo said, referencing David’s offhand joke the very first time they met.

David’s mouth tugged at the corner, but he didn’t smile. There was tension in his face, around his eyes, even as he kept them downcast at Jasmine’s ears. Matteo would do anything to have that disappear.

“No. But it was—it got really bad for me, after a while.”

“Did people find out you were gay?” Matteo guessed. “Were they like Edward?”

“They were worse than Edward. There were a lot more of them. But that’s not what they found out.” David took a deep breath and his fingers tightened on the fur at Jasmine’s neck. “They knew I’m transgender.”

Stella said under her breath, “Ooooooh.”

David finally looked at Matteo. Matteo blinked. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. He didn’t want to say something stupid or wrong. He didn’t know what to say that wouldn’t fuck everything up.

David took another deep breath, as if bracing himself. “It means—”

Matteo cut him off gently. “I know what it means.”

“We’ve read up on the LGBT community,” Stella said proudly. “I made him after he realized he liked boys. It’s good to know!”

Matteo was grateful for a little background knowledge, but he didn’t think it was enough. “I’m no expert. And I’ll probably say something stupid without meaning to,” Matteo said, which was his biggest fear at the moment. He didn’t want to upset or offend David.

Matteo paused a moment, trying to sort his thoughts. “I just—why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

David shook his head. “I tried. But everything felt so—right. Perfect. I didn’t want to ruin it.”

“You almost did,” Stella said.

“Stella,” Matteo admonished.

“What? They scared us away because they were scared.” Stella looked at Jasmine. “Right?”

“Not wrong,” Jasmine said.

David ran his fingers over Jasmine’s ears. “I transferred schools because I didn’t want anyone to know. It was—bad, there. They knew me before, they knew I was transitioning, and they made my life hell. They made fun of me, asked awful questions, called me by my birth name. The students, the teachers, everyone.” He took in a shaky breath, and Matteo could practically see him vibrate, with nerves or bad memories or what, Matteo didn’t know. “I didn’t have many friends, no one who stood up for me like they did for you. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat. I had to get away. I wanted to start over. Clean slate.”

Matteo imagined a class full of Edwards, but worse, and his insides twisted with sickness. No one should have to put up with that, and he hated that David had experienced it to the point he felt he had to run away.

“Plus, I almost got us expelled,” Jasmine said.

Stella gasped. “Really?”

“You saw her,” David said. “She gets—protective, when I want to be left alone.”

“Did you bite someone?” Stella asked, a little too excitedly, especially for someone who got upset by a roar. “Did you rip off their limbs? Can I do that the next time someone’s an ass about Matteo being gay?”

“No,” everyone else answered.

Stella harrumphed. “Just asking.”

“It was close,” David said. “She reacted badly a couple times, and we got called to the office. We received warnings, even after I explained what the other students were saying. What they were doing. How the teachers acted.” David sighed. “The administration didn’t want to face it. So Laura helped me find a different school, and there were meetings before I transferred. It’s been better, mostly.”

“Mostly?” Matteo couldn’t help but ask.

David wrinkled his nose. “I have one teacher that’s being—well. I have a meeting with him and Dr. Steinberg before my exam to get it sorted. But other than that, I have my privacy and I can just... get by day-by-day in relative peace.”

“And then,” Jasmine said, “you had to start liking some stoner boy with blue eyes, a bad sense of humour, and a surprisingly sweet heart.”

“And then there was that,” David agreed softly.

“I have no idea how that happened,” Stella said. “He has no game.”

“That’s the best part,” David said. David looked at Matteo again. “And now he has to decide if he can forgive me for being scared. And if he still wants to...” David shrugged helplessly. “He’ll have to tell me what he wants, now that he knows.”

Matteo took a moment, because sometimes he had to sort through his thoughts because when he spoke right away, that’s when he got himself into trouble. He half-expected something to shift out of place, from how he’d felt, this new information making everything different. Wondering how it would work, what it meant, how they could go on.

But nothing had changed. He knew exactly how he felt about David. It was inevitable.

“Thank you for telling me,” he said. “I get why you didn’t sooner.”

“It’s not that I didn’t want to,” David said. “I just wanted to get through the school year.”

“I pushed,” Matteo said.

“You didn’t.”

“I kind of did. I should have just gave you the time, like you asked.”

“It’s okay. I wasn’t being fair either,” David said. “The more time we spent together, the closer we got, and I knew I had to say something. But I got scared.”

“Did I do something wrong?”

“No,” David said immediately. “No, you did not. I told you right at the start—you terrify me. How I feel about you terrifies me.”

“That’s where we’re different,” Matteo said. “How I feel about you? You’ve been this bright spot in my life, you don’t even know. I like you so much. You, David, are so cool and amazing.”

David’s smile was tentative. “Really? You still think that?”

“You haven’t told me anything that would ever change my mind about that.”

David’s smile was real this time. “You’re not so bad yourself, you know.”

“Eh,” Stella said. “He’s okay.” She wasn’t fooling anyone, though—she sounded proud.

David laughed, a bit thin and watery, but nevertheless Matteo had missed that sound. So much.

“You just said I had to tell you what I want,” Matteo said quietly.

“You can take your time,” David said quickly. “If you need, that’s okay. We don’t have to decide anything today. I just wanted to be honest with you.”

Matteo shook his head. “I don’t think I would need time. I know what I want, and that’s you. But you’ve been honest and told me the truth, so I have to do the same. So you can make a decision too.”

“What sort of decision would I need?” David said. “I think it’s clear, we feel the same way.” He paused for a moment. “Don’t we?”

“I hope so,” Matteo said. “But that doesn’t mean you’ll want to be with me. You might change your mind.”

“I don’t understand.”

Stella turned to face Matteo, putting her little paw onto his hand. “They were brave,” she said. “Now we have to be too.”

“I know,” he said. He paused, though. This was hard. He understood how David had such difficulty, why he waited so long. Matteo didn’t want to ruin everything either.

And he might very well be doing just that.

“It’s about my mom. Well, no, it’s about me,” Matteo amended. “But the story starts with my mom.”

“Okay,” David said slowly. “What about her?”

“She is...she is a wonderful person. And she loves me. But she’s... I didn’t know. I didn’t know what was really wrong with her, not for a long time. Not until a couple years ago. My dad had always kept it from me the best he could. But then he wanted to separate from her, and he fucked off back to Italy because, I don’t know. I guess he didn’t want to deal with it anymore.”

Stella crawled more up his lap, cuddling closer to him. He kept his eyes on her, much like David had with Jasmine when he was telling his truth. It was easier that way.

He took a deep breath. “I was left alone trying to take care of someone with a mental illness while not understanding a goddamn thing about it.”

“Oh, Matteo,” David said. He sounded sympathetic and that was something that would have bothered Matteo not that long ago. From David, it was a comfort.

“It was... really hard. She just...” He trailed off, thinking. He didn’t know how to put it, it was so difficult to explain. “Unravelled.”

“It got really bad,” Stella whispered. “Mostly, it manifested in Andreas.”

“That’s her daemon,” Matteo said. “A Golden Retriever. He was... he was caring and sweet, when I was growing up. Just like her. But things changed. With both of them.”

He stopped. He stopped because the next part of the story was so hard. It made him want to cry. It made him want to slide to the ground and hide under this bench. It made him want to disappear completely.

It made him want to keep Stella away from everything and everyone, forever.

“What happened, Matteo?” David asked gently.

Stella sighed. She sat up a little, and brought out her tail from where it’d been tucked under her body. “He got my tail.”

Matteo took it in his hand, and ran it through his fingers, ending at the little nub at the end. She didn’t like it being touched, not even by him, but she didn’t stop him now. It looked like there was no hair growing at the very end, just a little bald spot, though they both knew there was a couple centimetres actually missing.

“It’s so ugly,” she said pitifully. He knew it bothered her a lot. She’d been hiding it the best she could for the last couple months. Tucking it under her body. Hiding it under the collar of his shirts. Keeping out of sight completely.

“It’s not. You can barely see it.” It really wasn’t bad. He didn’t think anyone had noticed. If they had, they didn’t say. That’d be rude. “Just a teeny bit gone.”

“How?” David asked, as if he couldn’t stop himself. “Why?”

“She had an episode. That’s what we call them,” Matteo said. “It had been building for a week—I understand that now—and then it was like an explosion. She got the divorce papers, and news of the final sale on the house, and she got more angry than I’d ever seen. Stella, this kind soul here,” he said, smiling sadly at her, “got the brunt of it. She tried to calm Andreas but got too close to him in an uncontrollable mood.”

“It was like he wasn’t even himself,” she said sadly.

“He snapped at her tail, and.” He paused.

“You can show them,” Stella said. “You should show them.” Flip me over, she said into his mind.

He flipped her over gently, so that she was cradled along the seam of his legs pushed together. Her belly was exposed.

It was easy to see the three scratches this way. The scratches that’d been deep enough they now left scars.

David winced and Jasmine gasped. Jasmine came closer, as if she wanted to touch Stella, comfort her, but she didn’t dare right now. Not when she was this close to Matteo. For her part, Stella didn’t look ready to leave Matteo’s embrace.

Matteo ran his fingers up and down her belly, ruffling the fur up from the scars and then smoothing it back down.

“He really got her,” Matteo said quietly.

He’d never forget the sound of her screech. The ghost of pain echoing through him. The way it felt like he wouldn’t be able to breathe until she was back in his arms, out of harm’s way.

He wanted to cry just from remembering it. He didn’t. But he had to swallow hard and clear his throat, and give himself a moment before he continued. David and Jasmine waited patiently.

“That was the worst day of my life,” Matteo said. “But it snapped my mother out of it, in a way. She was admitted to the hospital for a few days, and is now back on track with appointments and medications and everything. She’s doing good.”

“But are you?” David asked, ever so cautiously.

“That’s the thing,” Matteo said. “I—I don’t think so. Not really.”

“We had our own episode,” Stella said.

“Jesus, Stella,” Matteo muttered.

“What? We did.”

“It—we’ve had a bad year,” Matteo said. “Just... it was really hard. Stella had to heal, and then we moved away from my mom because Stella couldn’t stand to be near Andreas. She was anxious and afraid most of the time.” He flipped Stella back over, and brought her up to his shoulder. She hung over his neck like a scarf, her tail tucked into his jacket, even though they’d already seen it. “And it made Stella shy and nervous around everyone. And then I was just stressed out and...” He trailed off. He didn’t know how to explain it.

“Sad,” David filled in.

Matteo glanced at him sharply. “What makes you say that?”

“I saw you,” David said. “Your locker was by mine. I noticed you weeks before I was introduced to you.”

“I noticed you too,” Matteo said.

“I don’t think you saw me looking as much as I did,” David said. “I wondered what had happened to the cute stoner boy with blue eyes that made him look so sad. He was very good at pasting on a smile for his friends when he needed to, but only when they were around. His daemon was always hiding in his hood. I wondered what made them both that sad.”

“Now you know,” Matteo said.

“Do I?”

“I don’t know,” Matteo admitted. “Because I don’t know what makes me this sad. Some days I’m fine. Some days I’m not.”

“Are you going to do something about it? To get help, I mean.”

“Yes, actually,” Matteo said. He rested his cheek against Stella’s head. “I have a doctor’s appointment this week. I—it might take a while to figure it all out. But maybe. I don’t know. Maybe I’ll get an idea what’s wrong with me.”

“There’s nothing wrong with you,” David said. “There isn’t.”

“That’s optimistic of you. But I have no clue why my head is the way it is. It’s just wrong sometimes. And I even told you that at the very beginning, that night at the party.” The night at the party when they didn’t have their first kiss, because he wanted to remember it as a good moment, not a bad one. It had been the right decision.

Matteo sighed. He was so tired now. All the energy was completely drained out of him. He wanted this over, just this day, this conversation, this hard part. But he owed David the effort, and now David had decisions to make.

“I understand if you don’t want to be with me,” Matteo said. “I really do. It’s a lot to deal with.”

“This is not how I thought today would go,” David admitted. He shifted closer to Matteo on the bench. “I thought that was going to be my line.”

“It should be no one’s line,” Jasmine said.

“No shit,” Stella agreed.

David smiled. “Let me get this straight—”

“Ha,” Stella said under her breath.

David rolled his eyes but ignored her. “You still want to be with me, even after my truth.”

“Of course,” Matteo said.

David’s smile was soft. Matteo wanted to kiss it but he didn’t yet. “Okay,” David said. “And I want to be with you, even after yours.”

“We don’t know what mine is yet,” Matteo said.

David reached for his hand and Matteo let him take it, because he’d wanted that for weeks. They linked their fingers together.

“Maybe not,” David said. “But I’ll be here for you as you figure this out. I can do that. I want to.”

“How’d you even end up with a good guy like him?” Stella asked.

“No clue,” Matteo answered.

“Don’t fuck this up,” she said.

“Oh, it’s a guarantee I will,” Matteo said.

David shook his head, but he looked like he was trying to hide intense happiness. He wasn’t very good at it. “See. This? I want this. I want this in my life. I want you in my life.”

“Me too,” Jasmine said. “Just so we’re clear.”

“No roaring,” Stella said.

“Only if someone threatens any of the three of you,” Jasmine said.

“Acceptable,” Stella replied.

“These two are going to be so much trouble,” Matteo muttered, but he and David shared a smile over it.

The hope Matteo had been carrying around had faded, just a little, right in the middle of his story. The reality of it had hit him—who would want to deal with all this?

But this new reality hit him now—David did. David would. David was, simply, the very best.

Matteo leaned forward so his forehead rested against David’s. “Are you sure?”

“Are you?” David whispered back.

“Yes,” Matteo said. “A hundred times yes.”

David pulled back a little, pushing Matteo’s stray hair out of the way so it stopped tickling his nose. “I do have one request, though.”

“Anything,” Matteo said.

“I’m fine if people know we’re together. In fact, I’m proud of it.” He grinned again, and kissed Matteo’s cheek. “But I don’t want anyone knowing I’m trans. Not yet. At least, not until I get the chance to tell them myself. When I’m ready.”

“Of course,” Matteo said. “Makes sense. And if you could do me the favour and not tell everyone I’m fucked in the head, that’d be great.”

“Please don’t,” David said softly. “Don’t speak that way about yourself.”

“I’ll try,” Matteo said. “I’ll try.”

“Good. That’s all I ask.”

David could ask anything of Matteo, and Matteo would do everything he could to give it to him. At the very least, he could do this. He could try not to be an asshole about himself, even if it was his default.

“Put me down,” Stella said quietly. Matteo took her gently and put her on the ground, and she immediately went over to Jasmine.

Matteo sat up but then collapsed against David, burying his face into David’s neck, and David hugged him close. They stayed like that for a few minutes, David whispering nonsense against Matteo’s temple, until David’s mobile rang.

“Shit,” David said, slipping his hand into his jacket pocket. The ringer went silent.

“What’s up?” Matteo mumbled.

“That was an alarm. I have to get going.”

Matteo sighed grumpily.

“I know, I know. But I have to meet Laura for our class.”

“Who does extra classes during Abi anyway?” Matteo said, but he sat up. It was difficult peeling himself away from David, but he did.

“Stupid people,” David said ruefully. Then David paused and looked at Matteo, right in the eyes. He cupped Matteo’s cheek with his hand. “This is not how I thought today would go,” he said again, a little quiet but a lot awed. “You are full of surprises.”

Matteo pushed down the self-deprecating comment that immediately came to mind, and instead leaned in and kissed him. It made all those dark feelings disappear, even if momentarily. It gave Matteo something bright to hold onto.

David happily accepted the kiss, fingers tracing the shell of Matteo’s ear. This is what Matteo had missed the most—this closeness, this intimacy, this perfection.

When Matteo pulled away, he said, “I might have a couple tough days ahead. I’ll try to keep in touch. But I just don’t know.”

“That’s okay,” David said. “We’ll figure this out, okay?”

“Yeah.” Matteo kissed him again, and then a second alarm went off. David giggled against his mouth. “What?”

David pulled back. “I didn’t know if it would be easy to leave you or not so I set a backup alarm. But I really do have to go now.” He stood. “We’ll talk soon, okay?”

“Definitely,” Matteo said.

Before David walked away, Matteo took hold of his wrist. David’s fingers uncurled instinctively. Matteo kissed his palm, right on the heart line. “We will talk soon. And hopefully see each other soon too?”

“Yes,” David said. To Jasmine, he nodded and said, “Come. We’ve got to go.”

Matteo gathered Stella from the ground, after she’d finally left Jasmine’s side, and they watched David and Jasmine walk from their secluded little area. Right before they disappeared around the corner, David glanced over his shoulder, as did Jasmine.

Matteo and Stella both made sure they were there, watching, and waved goodbye to them.

“We will see them soon,” Stella said after they were out of sight.

“I’ll make sure of it,” he promised her.

Chapter Text

PART FOUR: Love

Matteo lay on his bed with Stella curled against his shoulder. He held his mobile above them and he played a videos.

They were from the day they’d gone to the amusement park with David and Jasmine. In this video, David tried to climb one of the apocalyptic dinosaurs.

“Don’t fall and kill yourself!” Matteo said mockingly.

“We’re leaving him here if he does,” Stella said. She must’ve been perched on his shoulder at the time, her voice quiet and she spoke just to Matteo, not yet comfortable enough to yell at David herself. The mobile picked it up though.

“Because Stella said we’re leaving you here if you do!” Matteo yelled for her.

“Hey! Don’t tell him that!” Stella complained.

David only laughed from where he was trying to pull himself up the dinosaur, hands firmly on the spikes that ran down its back. He made it up to the top, which was only maybe six feet from the ground.

“I’m gonna jump!” David yelled. Jasmine sat calmly beside the dinosaur.

“No, don’t—” Matteo yelled but he cut off when David did jump, and landed neatly on the ground to the side of the dinosaur.

“Is he fucking nuts?” Stella asked.

“You’re fucking nuts!” Matteo yelled at him.

Jasmine, not at all worried, got up to rub her big head against David’s hip while he laughed.

The video ended there.

Stella hummed. “That was a good day.”

“Yeah,” Matteo agreed. They hadn’t watched any of the videos they’d taken that day in the weeks they’d not been speaking to David and Jasmine. It had hurt too much to think about it. Now, Matteo wanted to watch them all, repeatedly, and took comfort in the fact that he could and it was all a good thing again.

He sent the video to David.

A couple minutes later, and after Matteo and Stella had watched three other videos, Matteo’s mobile rang. He grinned when he saw the caller ID—David with the apocalyptic dinosaur he’d jumped from, even though it was just their faces in this photo.

“Hi,” Matteo said when he answered the call.

“Don’t ever show that to Laura,” David said. “She’d kill me.”

Matteo laughed. “You just gave me some blackmail material.”

“Yes, absolutely. She’d kill me dead.”

Matteo laughed again. “Good to know.”

“And I’m not fucking nuts,” David said, clearly with fake offence. “I am athletic.”

“Same thing,” Matteo and Stella said at once.

It was David’s turn to laugh. It faded away, and he asked warmly, “How’re you today?”

Matteo thought about it carefully, as to not give a false answer. “I’m... tired. But okay.”

“Yeah?” David asked. “You had your appointment today, didn’t you?”

“Yes. With my general practitioner. He asked questions. Like, a whole lot of different questions. He’s forwarding my name to a phycologist. And I had a physical exam, and had to give a bunch of blood and urine samples.”

“Pissed into a cup?”

“Yup,” Matteo said. “And the nurses took a bunch of blood. Fucking vampires.”

“I always fancied becoming a vampire,” David said. “A creature of the night.”

“Well you can’t have my blood,” Matteo said. “The nurses already have it all.”

“Ah, I see.” There was a slight pause before David asked carefully, “And why do they need to do those kind of tests? When you think it’s something else?”

“Are you questioning the knowledge of my medical practitioner?” Matteo teased.

“I like to be well informed,” David said. “I always question them until I know everything I need to know.”

“Makes sense,” Matteo said softly. David’s had more than his fair share of doctors and needles. “But, yeah. They’re just tests to eliminate the possibility of something else making me have these symptoms.”

“A physical illness?”

“Yeah. He said that sometimes chronic pain can lead to feeling low because, you know. You’re so sad everything hurts all the time. For example.”

“Does he think it’s that?”

“He wouldn’t say either way,” Matteo said. “He wants the test results. But... I don’t think anything else is going on.” He sighed. “I think it’s just my head. Stella’s anxiety. Stuff like that.”

David hummed noncommittally. “Whatever it is,” David said. “It’ll be good to know, right?”

“Yes,” Matteo said softly. “It’ll be good to know.”

There was a silence on the mobile, but it didn’t feel uncomfortable. It was their breathing and them being there for each other, knowing they were each on an end of the line.

“I should let you go,” David eventually said.

“I guess,” Matteo said. “I have other videos I can send you.”

“Delete them all,” David said immediately. “And never show Laura.”

“Keeping them all forever,” Matteo said, “and bringing them out the next time I’m over.”

“Ugh, I suspected you’d say that,” David said. “I took videos that day, you know.”

“I literally would not give a shit who you showed them to,” Matteo said.

“I know,” David said, and sighed. “I’ll have to find something else for blackmail, won’t I?”

“He has no shame,” Stella said, where she was curled up near his shoulder still, and close enough to the mouthpiece of the mobile. “So good luck.”

David laughed brightly.

“Nothing wrong with that,” Matteo said.

“No, I suppose there isn’t.”

“David,” Matteo said suddenly. “The next time I see you, I’m going to hug you, okay?”

“Of course it’s okay,” David said.

“But I’m going to hug you, and probably not let you go,” Matteo said. “Not ever. I’m going to be this annoying growth attached to your side and that is that.”

“That’s okay,” David said again.

“Okay, good. Just warning you.”

“Noted,” David said.

“So until then,” Matteo said. “I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“Can’t wait,” David said. “Goodnight, Matteo.”

“Goodnight, David.”

Matteo pulled the mobile away from his head and thumbed the screen, ending the call. He watched a couple more videos before going to bed for the night.

**

It’d been the third time he’d seen his mother in a week, and he loved her, he did, but it’d left him drained. Today more than the others, what with spending a few hours at her new flat to have a dinner she cooked. Some things felt the same, like the smell of her kitchen and the plates they’d used, the stories she told. Others were completely different, like the layout of her tiny flat and hearing neighbours on all sides and Andreas being quiet and shy.

But even though the exhaustion, mentally and physically, sank deep into every one of his bones, Matteo was fully aware of the bus line on the way home from his mother’s flat.

After he transferred to the final bus home, it went right by David’s building.

“Do you want to stop?” Matteo said as they approached the stop. “Or do you want to go home?”

“Let’s see them,” Stella said. “If they want us.”

“They said they did,” Matteo said. His insides flushed warm, like any time they did when he thought about David. David and Jasmine, who wanted him and Stella. It still blew his mind, three days, continuous texting, and a call later. This was happening.

The stop approached quickly, so he got off and then pulled out his mobile.

“They might not even be home,” Matteo said.

“But they might be,” Stella said. “Call and see.”

He considered just sending a text but she was right. He brought up David’s contact and gave it a call.

“Hello?” David answered after the first ring. Matteo could hear a door shut in the background, and he wondered if David maybe retreated to his bedroom to take the call in private.

“Hey,” Matteo said.

“Hey. How’re you?” David asked. Even though they’d talked the day before, his voice was still the best sound Matteo had ever heard.

“I—” He almost said good but that might be a bit of a lie, and he almost said fine which was his go-to answer when he was decidedly not fine. It’d been a long week and it was only Wednesday, but he was doing—“Okay. I’m okay.”

“You sure?” David asked softly.

“Yeah. But, I was wondering, can I see you? Are you at home?”

“I am. Do you want to come over? Or I can come to you,” David said.

“Actually, I—” Matteo gave a small chuckle. “I was coming home from my mom’s and just got off at your stop. I was hoping you’d be home.”

There was a pause. “You’re here?”

“Almost there. Is that okay? Sorry, I just thought—”

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” David said. “I’ll see you in a couple minutes?”

“Yup,” Matteo said. “See you then.” He hung up the mobile and there was a bounce in his step. He was about to see David. The couple days apart hadn’t felt like the end of the world. He was emotionally exhausted from everything else, but seeing David? God, that was such a good thing.

Stella asked to come up to his shoulder, so he lifted her there, and they quickly made their way to David’s building.

They were just approaching the front of the building when a little rabbit bolted out of the doorway and paused on the threshold when he saw them.

“Velten?” Stella asked.

“Stella. Hi,” Velten the rabbit daemon said, and a black raven flew out the door as well.

Laughter followed as three women stumbled out of the building as well, giggling and chatting animatedly.

They fell completely silent when they saw Matteo and Stella.

Laura, Leonie, and Sara all stared at him for a handful of seconds, and then Sara snorted.

“Hi, Matteo,” she said. It wasn’t mean or upset—if anything, she was trying to hold in laughter.

“Hi, Sara,” he said slowly. He looked at the other two as well. “Ladies.”

There was an obvious pause.

“So,” Leonie said. Her golden-green and black ball python daemon was coiled around the length of her arm. “We should get going. Or we might be late.”

“Where are you going?” Matteo asked.

There was an awkward pause.

“Karaoke,” Sara said. “Not too far from here, actually.”

“Ah.” Matteo stared at them. They stared back.

Finally, Laura shook her head and smiled. “Let’s go,” she said to the others. As she walked past Matteo, she gave him a soft smile and lightly touched his arm. “Good to see you.”

“You too,” he said, a little confused.

“Bye, Matteo!” Leonie said, more friendly than she’d been to him in a long time.

Sara trailed after them, and paused in front of Matteo. She tilted her head. “You could have told me, you know. When you said you liked me but not like that.”

He was too tired for this, but he supposed now was as good a time as any. It’s not like he’d seen her much lately, as much as he liked her—even though it wasn’t like that. “I wasn’t ready to tell anyone yet. Or, I was, kind of, but I had other people I had to tell first.”

“Hmm.” Sara smiled a little. “Well, thank you for not leading me on—for too long, anyway.”

He winced. “Yeah, I didn’t mean—sorry.”

She shook her head. “It’s okay.” Velten made an impatient thumping noise on the ground with his hind foot. “Ah, I should go.”

“Have a good night,” he said.

She smirked. “You too.” She left him and followed Leonie and Laura, quickly catching up to them. There was an echo of giggles.

“That was weird,” Matteo muttered, entering the building.

“No, it really wasn’t,” Stella said.

They knocked on David’s door when they reached it, and it immediately opened. David stood there, looking so good even though he was just in sweats and a t-shirt. Jasmine loomed in the hallway behind him.

It was the first time they’d seen each other since their big talk. Their truths, their confessions, their admissions of mutual feelings. Texting and talking over their mobiles was nowhere near as good as seeing David in person.

“Hi,” David said.

“Hi,” Matteo answered.

And then Matteo stepped inside.

“Put me down,” Stella said quietly, so Matteo did, and she scampered over to say hello to Jasmine. David closed the door behind them, and Matteo immediately stepped into his embrace, head down on his shoulder. He breathed in deep, David’s cologne faint but familiar. He squeezed David tight and really didn’t plan on letting go.

“Hey,” David said again, leaning his head against Matteo’s. “All’s good?”

“Better now.” Matteo still didn’t let go. “You?”

“Better now,” David agreed.

Matteo pulled back enough to smirk at David, though he didn’t remove his arms from around his neck. “Even though I interrupted you and your friends?”

“You didn’t,” David said quickly. “They were just meeting here before they went out with Laura.”

“You weren’t planning to go?”

“Nah,” David said.

“Cool. Where were they going, anyway?”

There was a pause. “Trivia night,” David said, though it sounded a little like a question at the end. He totally heard it and attempted to correct himself. He said more firmly, “Yes. Trivia night.”

“Buuuuuusted,” Stella said with a giggle.

“Ah,” Matteo said. “Sara mentioned karaoke.”

David pursed his lips together. “Of course she did.”

“She likes to sing,” Matteo said.

David sighed. “She likes to sing.”

“Totally should have come up with that,” Matteo said, smirking.

“I should have,” David admitted. He rested his forehead against Matteo’s. “They volunteered to leave, though.”

“Did they?”

“No,” David said immediately. “I kicked them out the second I ended the call.”

Matteo laughed and kissed David squarely on the mouth. David responded, softening it, tilting his head to the side and gripping the hair on the back of Matteo’s nape. Matteo melted into it.

“What were you planning to do with this privacy?” Matteo asked.

David rubbed his hands up and down Matteo’s back. “Finally spend time with my boyfriend, I hope.”

“Boyfriend.” Matteo grinned. “I like the sound of that. Do I know him?”

“Ha ha.”

“Let’s watch a musical!” Stella said.

“Totally,” Jasmine agreed.

Matteo groaned and let his forehead fall to David’s shoulder while David laughed at him.

“Sounds chill,” David said.

“I can’t believe that’s what we’re doing,” Matteo said.

“Are you surprised?” David asked.

“No,” Matteo said. He wasn’t. Stella found comfort in them, and they’d had a few long days, and of course Stella would want to share that time with David and Jasmine.

And it really wasn’t a bad thing. Matteo was very much looking forward to getting close to David, but after so much time apart, slow was the best way to go. He wanted to do this right.

David tried to pull away but Matteo only squeezed him hard. “I told you,” he said muffled into David’s neck, “I’m not letting go.”

“And I told you you didn’t have to,” David said. “But we do have to rearranged a little if we’re going to walk anywhere.”

Matteo made a disgruntled noise and let David pull away, but only because he slipped his hand into Matteo’s, linking their fingers together. Then David tugged lightly, and they all went into David’s room.

David kept his word—they touched as much as possible. They sat on David’s bed against the wall, with Matteo leaned into David and David’s arm around him. Jasmine was alongside David, her form taking up half the bed almost, comfortable but in a way Matteo wouldn’t touch her by accident, and Stella curled up between Jasmine’s paws.

It was so fucking cozy Matteo couldn’t believe this was actually happening to him.

Matteo started to drift off part way through the movie, and startled awake with Stella yelling, “No! I am not sleeping right now.”

David chuckled. “I can keep him occupied.”

“I don’t even want to discuss this,” Stella said, staring at the computer. “But yes, go for it.”

David and Matteo got a little more comfortable on the bed, and made out and cuddled for a good hour before the movie finally ended.

“I am tired, though,” Matteo mumbled into David’s neck. “I should go.”

“You could stay,” David said. “I have to study tomorrow so I will kick you out—”

“You’re good at that,” Matteo teased.

David ignored him. “But you don’t have to leave now. If you don’t want. If it’s okay with Stella.”

“Matteo,” Stella said.

“She needs to be up here,” Matteo said.

“I know,” David said kindly. “We made it work before. We can again.”

Matteo kissed him. “You’re the best.”

“When you’re not being a jerk to your friends,” Stella teased.

“Do they know?” Matteo asked. “About you?”

David kissed Matteo’s knuckles, then let his hand drop. He nodded. “They do. Very recently,” he added. “But—” David leaned back on the bed and Matteo rolled over so his head was rested on David’s chest. David put his arm around Matteo and linked their fingers together again.

“You weren’t the only one that had a couple tough weeks,” David said. “I mean, it was different for me, but after that day you and Stella were here, and then you left, and Jasmine and I thought we’d blown it with you forever—”

“You didn’t,” Matteo reassured.

“Obviously.” David kissed the top of his head. “But we thought we had. And we were upset and sad. Leonie and Sara both asked me what was wrong. I just said that, well.” He took a deep breath. “I thought I’d got my heart broken.”

Matteo smiled sadly, reminded so much of what he’d said to Hanna.

“They’d asked by who and I didn’t tell them, though I did tell them it was a guy I’d recently met. They had no clue it was you,” David reassured.

“Not that it matters now,” Matteo said.

“No, but it was important for me not to out you,” David said. “I wouldn’t.”

“I know,” Matteo said.

“We saw you and Stella last week, I told you, at the school,” David said. Matteo nodded. “I was with them, so we all saw you two telling off Edward, and afterwards we were supposed to be studying but they were talking about it. Because they hadn’t known about you yet, but you were just so—”

He stopped, and Matteo looked up at him. David looked so fond. “You were all out and proud and didn’t seem to care who overheard, who knew. They figured out why you didn’t want to date Sara,” he added teasingly.

Matteo laughed. “Yeah, I’m glad. I didn’t mean to hurt her.”

“She’s okay,” David said. “But they—I don’t know, I guess they figured it out. The boy who broke my heart. I explained to them it was actually me who pushed you away, and they were curious why.”

David paused. Matteo didn’t push. He’d learned not to do that. Give David the time, and he’d tell Matteo whatever it was he was comfortable enough to say.

“I told them,” David said. “And it was scary. But they—they were good about it.”

“Good,” Matteo said. Tension he didn’t know he was carrying released, and he melted against David anymore. Of course they were good about it—they wouldn’t have been here, hanging out with David, wishing Matteo luck a good evening, if they were anything other than good about it.

“They also convinced me that I should tell you the truth, if you ever wanted to talk to me again,” David said. “They said you deserved to know why I was afraid, and that you might surprise me.” David laughed, and sounded a little choked up. “Man, they were so smug when I told them how right they were.”

Matteo lifted his head and tilted his chin, and for his efforts the sweetest kiss was waiting for him.

“I’m really glad you listened to them,” Matteo said.

“Me too.”

David cupped Matteo’s cheek, trying to get a better angle, so Matteo shuffled up on the bed a little. He’d do anything for more kisses from David, even move when he was dead tired.

Matteo did settle again, head rested on David’s chest. They linked their fingers together. Eventually, Matteo said, “Amira knows.”

He felt David nod his head, chin bumping against Matteo’s hair. “Yes.”

“There’s a story there.”

“Yes,” David admitted.

“Are you going to tell it to me?”

David considered. “I think,” he said slowly, “that if Amira wants you to know, she’ll tell you. But I’ll tell you this—we worked through it. We’re friends now, and I trust her.”

“Okay,” Matteo said, and found he wasn’t bothered that David didn’t tell him. He lifted David hand to kiss his knuckles.

David stroked his other hand through Matteo’s hair. “We should sleep soon,” he said.

“Yeah, I think maybe,” Matteo said. He allowed himself to finally let go of David, but only for a minute. He got up so he could strip off his heavier hoodie but didn’t go beyond that. He went around the end of the bed so he could pick up Stella, being careful to respectively keep clear of Jasmine and so that Stella didn’t have to try and navigate her way around David. But it felt good, it felt natural. They could figure this out.

Matteo climbed back into bed, under the covers this time, and Stella curled up at the top edge, against his pillow. And that was good too.

He turned to David for a good night kiss. David rested his forehead against Matteo’s. “So. I wear a binder.”

“I figured.” He remembered reading about them before, but he and Stella had been doing a little research the past couple days, mostly so they didn’t make stupid fuck ups.

“I can’t wear it to bed. Well, I can,” David amended, “but I really shouldn’t. It’s painful.”

“Then don’t.” Matteo blinked. “Oh, wait. Is this why you wouldn’t stay over at my place?”

“Yes. I would have had to explain.”

“It would have been the perfect time to,” Matteo said, but kissed David softly so he knew he wasn’t upset. “But, I get it. Do you want me to leave?”

“No,” David said, and Matteo was grateful. “You don’t have to. I just wanted to let you know. I sleep in a shirt anyway.”

“Okay.” Matteo frowned. “Wait. When I was here before?”

“You and Stella sleep like rocks,” David said, and Jasmine snorted. “I just snuck in and out and changed in the bathroom while you were sleeping.”

“Oooooooh,” Stella said sleepily. “Yeah, you did.”

“Do what you need to do,” Matteo said easily, and snuggled into bed, making himself even more comfortable. He closed his eyes and sighed contently.

“You’re going to be asleep in five seconds, aren’t you?” David asked, amused.

“Probably,” Matteo agreed.

“And sleep like rocks?”

“Definitely,” Stella said. She curled tighter into a ball. “So shut up so we can do that.”

David chuckled and kissed Matteo on the cheek. Matteo hummed happily, but then turned onto his side, to face Stella. He pulled her closer to him and she grumbled while she arranged herself into comfort again.

He heard rustling of clothes behind him, and then the bed dipped as David climbed back in. They lay back to back, feet tangled together, and it was perfect.

**

“But I don’t want to go,” Matteo said. He kissed David again. David gave into it for another minute before pulling away. They stood in the hall just outside David’s flat to give them privacy from Laura. Laura, who had smirked at them over her breakfast just minutes before, and David had ushered Matteo out of the kitchen immediately. Now they were having problems saying goodbye.

“Matteo,” he said, a little breathlessly. His fingers curled into the front of Matteo’s coat, but then he pushed on Matteo’s chest lightly. “I have to study.”

“I could help!”

“Tell me something about math, then.”

“One plus one is two.” Matteo counted on his fingers, then waved them between him and David. “There are two of us. See, I’m brilliant.”

“Don’t you have exams to study for?”

“I only have bio left. It’s on Monday. Plenty of time.”

“Well, I have Math tomorrow, and P.E. next Friday. I have to study.”

“Fine,” Matteo said grumpily. Then he brightened a little. “What if I picked you up after your exam tomorrow? Take you out on a date.”

David considered this. “If you promise that you will study all day today, so I don’t feel like I’m taking up too much of your time.”

“Fiiiiine,” Matteo said, though it was actually a good idea. “Deal.”

“I’ll know.” David narrowed his eyes at Matteo. “I’ll know if you blow this off.”

“I promise.” Matteo put his hand over his heart. “I promise I will study.”

“Okay.” David leaned in and kissed him again. Matteo kissed him back, but then pushed him away lightly.

“Hey. I need to go,” Matteo said. “I have studying to do. Stop trying to distract me.”

“How the tables have turned,” Stella said.

Matteo leaned down and scooped her up, because she was the best buffer between him and David, to keep himself from just plastering himself to David and not letting go.

“Have a good day studying,” Matteo said to David.

“Bye, Jasmine!” Stella said happily. A little more shyly, with a little wave of her paw, “Bye, David.”

“Bye, Stella,” David said, beaming at her. Then to Matteo, “Get the hell out of my building.”

“Ha ha,” he said, rolling his eyes. He kissed David’s cheek. “I’ll call you later. Bye, Jasmine.”

“Bye, Stella. Goodbye, Matteo,” Jasmine said.

Matteo finally dragged his feet down the stairs and left David’s building.

“We,” Stella said, “are a couple of lucky bastards.”

Matteo laughed and tucked her away carefully and headed to the bus stop. “Yeah, we are.”

**

Stella screeched loudly. “Fran! Fran, come here!”

“Oh my God,” Matteo said, pinching his nose. There was a knock on Matteo’s door and he said, “Yeah, come in.”

Hans came in, looking slightly alarmed. Fran the red parrot flew through the door and landed on the small wooden table, next to where Stella sat.

“Are you okay?” Fran asked Stella. Her voice was surprisingly high pitched.

“Oh good, your human is here,” Stella said to Fran. “My human needs help.”

Hans raised his eyebrows and faced Matteo. “You need my help?”

“No,” Matteo stressed.

“He has a date,” Stella said to Fran. “And that boy does not know how to dress. Hans knows how to dress.”

“I’m not dressing like Hans,” Matteo said. “No offence, Hans.”

Hans put his hands up. “None taken. So,” he said, grinning slyly. “A date, hey?”

“Yes,” Matteo said. “With my boyfriend.”

“Boyfriend!” Now Hans looked positively delighted, just like he had when he’d found out Matteo had come out.

“Yeah,” Matteo said, nose scrunching but unable to suppress his smile. “David.”

“David!” Hans put his hand on his hip and shook a finger at Matteo. “Such a fine looking young man. How did you get him?”

“No idea,” Matteo said honestly.

Stella said, “Well it wasn’t your fashion sense.”

“My fashion sense is fine,” Matteo said shortly with her.

“Is it though?” Stella asked.

Fran cackled. “My Hans knows fashion.”

“This is true,” Hans said. He tapped his bottom lip with his fingers. “This will not do.” He gestured to Matteo.

Matteo groaned. “I wasn’t going to wear this.” He was in his grey sweatpants and pastel palm tree shirt. “Not today, anyway.”

“It should be burned but we’ll allow it for at home comfort clothes,” Hans said, and then went over to Matteo’s wardrobe and started moving hangers to the side.

“I want to look like me,” Matteo said.

“Which is why I am not going to my room,” Hans said absently. He pulled out one hanger, made a face, and then put it back. “I have just one question for you: do you have a pair of pants that fit?”

“All of them,” Matteo answered.

“None of them,” Stella said. “No, wait! You have that one pair of grey pants, and one pair of jeans.”

“Find them,” Hans said, snapping his fingers at Matteo.

“Which?” Matteo said, going to the wardrobe. He stood beside Hans and shuffled hangers around too.

“Hmm. Jeans.” Hans pulled out Matteo’s brown jacket, and rolled up the cuffs so the pattern showed. “They’ll go good with this.” Then he pulled out a plain white t-shirt. “And this.”

Matteo found the jeans, and took the shirt and jacket. He raised an eyebrow. “Really? This is it?” He expected Hans to go over the top with the clothes thing if he ever allowed Hans to dress him.

“These are your clothes,” Hans said. “They are—you. But you won’t look like a disastrous slob.”

“Thanks,” Matteo said dryly. But he meant it. “No, really. Thanks.”

“Comb this,” Hans said, waving his hand at Matteo’s messy hair. “Swoopy across the forehead, yes, but combed. Then you’ll be good.”

Matteo patted his messy hair. “Yeah, okay.”

Hans put his hands on Matteo’s biceps and smiled widely. “My little butterfly, fly out out into the big gay world.”

“I’m taking him out to lunch,” Matteo said. “What’s gay about that?”

“What isn’t?” Hans kissed Matteo’s cheek and then turned on his heels. “My work here is done. Let’s go, Fran, and let this little caterpillar turn into a beautiful butterfly.”

Matteo got changed and ran a comb through his hair. He thought about combing it straight back, just to fuck with Hans’ suggestion, but. Well, he did the stupid swoopy thing. On purpose.

“Okay,” he said. He patted his pockets to make sure he had his keys and wallet. “I think I’m ready.” He turned to Stella and held out his arms. “Okay?”

“Thank God for Hans,” Stella said fervently.

Matteo rolled his eyes. “Okay, but. No hood. And not the biggest pockets.”

“That’s okay,” Stella said.

“You’re sure?”

“I’m sure,” she answered. “Now. Let’s go get your man.”

**

The day was nice, the air finally warming, even if the wind slightly ruffled his smoothly combed swoop. He went into the school, flattening his hair, and looked around the foyer. There were a lot of students around, the end of the lunch period nearing and afternoon classes starting soon.

He pulled out his mobile and texted David, telling him he’d wait in the foyer.

“Hey,” a voice said from behind him. Amira held out her fist and Matteo bumped it. Abasi walked alongside her.

“Hey,” he said. “Did you write today?”

“No, I’m here to meet with Hanna and Mia,” she said. “What are you doing at the school? Are you studying bio?”

“Nah, not today. Though I did a lot yesterday,” he said truthfully.

She didn’t seem to believe him.

“I did,” he said, holding up his hands. “Today, I’m here to meet up with David.”

“David?” Amira said with a smile.

“Yeah. I’m taking him on a date,” Matteo said. He’d cleared it with David first—his friends were more than welcome to know they were together.

“Nice,” Amira said, and her smile seemed genuine. “I’m happy to hear. But make sure you study this weekend.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“But make time for the Abi prank group meeting.”

He blinked at her.

“Don’t you check your messages? You’re on the group.”

“I’ve been a bit busy this week.”

She glared at him.

“And I have it muted,” he admitted.

“We’re trying to set up a meeting. It didn’t work with exam schedules today. But maybe this weekend. So show up when we decide when and where.”

He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, sure, maybe.”

She lightly punched his shoulder, opposite side of where Stella sat. “You better. Besides,” she said with a smirk. “David will be there.”

“I’ll be there,” he said decisively.

She laughed.

“So,” Matteo started slowly. “You knew.”

She raised an eyebrow.

“About David. That’s why you wanted to protect him,” he said.

Amira looked at him, apparently sizing him up. Figuring out what to say and how much to say, perhaps.

“I do know,” Matteo said.

“Of course you do,” Amira said. “I figured if you were actually dating, David would have told you by now.”

“It took a while, but we got there,” Matteo said. “He told me you knew, but he’d leave it to you to tell me the story, if you want. Just with what you said to me in the past—”

“And,” Stella added, though she was looking at Abasi, “you and Jasmine have your… thing. Or whatever. Grudges.”

“We figured maybe you had a disagreement about it,” Matteo said to Amira.

“I’m betting on an actually cat fight,” Stella added.

“I wouldn’t call it a fight. It was nothing physical,” Abasi said. Then, under his breath, “Not that Jasmine wouldn’t have tried.”

“A learning experience.” He looked Amira right in the eyes. “That’s what you called it.”

Amira paused, her mouth scrunching to the side, as if deciding how much she wanted to say. “I did know him before,” she started. She kept her voice low, as to not be overheard, which Matteo appreciated. He heard her, though. “Right before he began transitioning. It was a few years ago, Matteo, and I didn’t understand things the way I do now. Not about acceptance, and the depths of my faith. I said—”

She paused for a moment and sighed, almost looking disappointed in herself. “I definitely said things I regret now, and so did Abasi to Jasmine, and I’m sure it was hurtful. It took a while, but I did what I could to learn more, we both did, to understand better. The next time David and I spoke, we reconciled.”

“I figured that too,” Matteo said. “Obviously you’ve worked it out. Was that before or after he came to the school?”

“Before. I never went to the same school as him, but I’d heard about what he went through, which is why I wanted to do my best to understand. No one should be treated that way,” she said.

Matteo shook his head. “No, they shouldn’t.”

“When he and Laura were looking for a school for him to transfer to, they reached out to me and asked about here.” She gestured around and shrugged. “This school is far from perfect, but I promised to keep his secret for as long as he wanted, and I would introduce him to some decent people.”

“And she chose you?” Stella asked Matteo. “What was she thinking?” Abasi laughed.

“Worked out pretty well, I think,” Amira said to Matteo. “I’m really glad it did.”

The corner of his mouth tilted to a smile. “Me too. Thank you,” he added, “for telling me all that. You didn’t have to.”

“I owed it to you,” Amira said. “I had only been thinking of David, and protecting him. I should have considered you as well.”

“You didn’t know I would want to start dating him,” Matteo said. He paused for a moment. “Unless you did?”

She laughed but shook her head. “I’m very knowledgeable, but even I can’t read minds. No, I didn’t know. Not before I introduced you, anyway.”

“One part of me was nervous to tell you,” Matteo said. “But… no, mostly I wasn’t. I knew you tried to be understanding and accepting, even with your faith. Maybe because of it.”

“Like I said, I went through a learning experience first,” Amira said. “This is not an issue for me. And anyone who spouts hate against you, don’t listen to their fear.”

“I’ll try,” Matteo said. He smiled at her and she beamed back.

Her mobile pinged then, and she checked it. “Ah, the girls are out front. I should go.” They bumped fists. “See you soon. Abi prank group,” she called out as she walked away.

“Yeah, yeah,” Matteo called back.

He waited a couple more minutes, then Matteo caught a glimpse of David walking on the second floor with Leonie, and they parted ways at the top of the stairs. Leonie waved at Matteo, and David came down to meet him. Matteo put Stella down on the floor so she could go say hello to Jasmine.

“Hey,” Matteo said, with a small smile.

David smiled back. “Hey.”

Matteo grabbed the front of David’s shirt and reeled him in, giving him a quick kiss on the lips, just a brush really, in greeting. David pulled away but smiled at him.

“Let Edward see us now,” David said quietly, though rather confidently.

“Is he here?” Stella asked.

David was leaning in to kiss Matteo again when Jasmine said, “Let me at him,” and David pulled back abruptly. He pointed a finger at Jasmine.

“Don’t you dare,” he said firmly.

True to any cat to live on the earth, she glanced away as if she didn’t give a flying fuck about the human’s opinion. “We’ll see,” she said impassively.

“No,” David said. “Absolutely not.”

“Does she want to tell him off?” Stella turned to her. “I’ll give you pointers.”

“No causing any trouble,” David said.

Matteo said, “If I ever see him while I’m with you, I’m giving you the biggest kiss and he can watch for all I fucking care.”

David still stared at the daemons but pointed at Matteo. “See? We have a plan. You two stay out of it.”

“Okay, fine,” Stella said.

Jasmine gave a noncommittal noise and said, “Don’t you have a date to go on?”

“Yes,” David said. “But I’m not forgetting about this.”

“It’s okay, Jasmine,” Matteo said, “I’ll distract him.”

David turned to glare at Matteo and Matteo only gave him a winning smile. “Date time?” Matteo asked.

David glared harder.

“Food,” Matteo said. “And maybe going to a movie? Or something. I haven’t really thought that far ahead.”

“He’s not really good at that,” Stella said.

“Well, we can figure it out together, can’t we?” he protested.

“At least he dressed decent,” Jasmine said.

“Ha!” Stella said. “Let me tell you a story—”

“Okay, enough out of the daemons,” Matteo said, and David laughed. Matteo threw his arm around David’s shoulders, and David slipped his around Matteo’s waist. “Are we staying at this school or are we going out?”

“Out,” Stella and Jasmine said in perfect unison. Jasmine knelt down and Stella climbed up so she could ride along, not having to scurry to keep up and also, Matteo suspected, leaving his person free to be pressed up against David as much as possible.

Matteo wasn’t going to complain.

“Let’s go,” he said, and led them away.

**

“Why,” Stella complained. She uncurled herself from the ball on Matteo’s pillow. He blinked at her and rolled on to his back. He swept his arm over the bed beside him and frowned.

“Look who finally wakes up.” David sounded amused. And far away.

Matteo rolled to his side, pulling Stella against him despite her protests, and looked over the edge of the mattress. David sat on the floor against Matteo’s blue triangle cushion with a notebook in his hand. His legs were draped over Jasmine, who was stretched out in front of David.

“Why are you out of bed?” Matteo grumbled.

He almost didn’t hear the answer, “Because I’m awake,” over the noise from the living room. There was talking and laughter, as if there was a large gathering. Way more than the three other people who lived there, anyway. And way too much of it for this early in the morning.

Matteo flopped his head back on the bed and put his arm over his eyes. “Why are there people in my flat?”

“Abi prank meeting,” David said.

Matteo’s head popped up again. “What? Since when?”

David held up his mobile. “Since last night. I didn’t look until this morning, though.”

“Good thing you’re already here,” Matteo said.

Stella jumped off the bed as Matteo swung his legs over the edge. He was in boxers and a t-shirt. He now noticed David was in a pair of Matteo’s sweats and his blue hoodie.

“You’re in my clothes,” Matteo said. It was supposed to be an accusation but he was grinning too hard.

David rolled his eyes. “If I’m going to a meeting I can’t wear the same clothes as yesterday.”

“You could,” Matteo said.

“Not everyone wears the same outfit three days in a row,” Stella said. Matteo could practically hear her rolling her eyes.

“Whatever,” Matteo said. He stood and found another pair of sweats and pulled them on. He stood at the door and looked out. “If we go out there…”

“Oh my God, I can’t wait to hear what they all say,” Stella said gleefully. “Walking out of your room with a boy.”

“Nothing wrong being in here with my boyfriend,” Matteo said. He heard David stand and come up behind him, David’s arms slipping around his waist. David hooked his chin over Matteo’s shoulder and kissed his neck.

“Nothing wrong with that,” David agreed.

“I should apologize ahead of time for my friends,” Matteo said. “They’re going to say stupid things.”

“Just about you,” Stella said.

“So ignore it all,” Matteo said.

Jasmine and David laughed. Matteo sighed and reached for the door. David let go of him, but put a hand on the small of his back.

“Let’s do this,” David said, sounding way too happy.

Matteo turned to give him a fortifying kiss, and then sighed. There was no stopping this from happening.

Matteo and David walked into the living room.

Basically, all his friends were there. The girl crew, his boys, his flatmates. Everyone he cared about.

Sam noticed them first. “Matteo! Did you have a boy stay over last night?” She winked.

That made everyone else look at them.

“David’s here for the meeting,” Kiki said. “He’s part of the Abi prank group.”

“He’s wearing Matteo’s clothes,” Jonas said, grinning at Matteo. He was enjoying this far too much. “And just came out of Matteo’s bedroom with him.”

“Yeah, but—oh. Oh!”

“Okay, let’s get this over with,” Matteo said. There were already too many stares and smirks. “David, these are my friends. All of whom you actually know, I’m pretty sure, so I’m not introducing all of them. Friends, this is my boyfriend, David.”

At the word boyfriend there were some oooos and awwwwwws and cat calls. Hanna giggled but winked at Matteo. Amira’s grin looked smug but fond. Matteo could hear Jasmine and Stella, still in the doorway of his bedroom, laughing.

“Hi,” David said brightly, waving at everyone.

“Okay, you’re all going to stop staring at us,” Matteo grumbled, though he cheeks felt flushed, “and we’ll sit down.”

“Oh here,” Kiki said, shuffling down the couch and pressing into Carlos, who had his arm along the back of the couch, to give Matteo and David room to sit. Matteo sat down next to her, and David at the end. David put his arm along the back of the couch too and he would swear they did a fist bump behind his head. Fuckers.

“So,” Kiki said, smiling at everyone. “We’re here to discuss the Abi prank.”

“Middle fingers on the doors of all the teachers,” Carlos said immediately.

Kiki huffed. “I already said no.”

“What?” Carlos put out his hand in disbelief. “It’s a good idea. Anyone else agree?”

No one else agreed.

It was when Kiki and Carlos started bickering back and forth about it that Jasmine decided to make an appearance, Stella riding along at the top of her head, perched between Jasmine’s ears. They came to stand beside the couch, looking over all the humans.

That made everyone shut up as they stared.

David’s other arm rested on the armrest of the couch, and he reached his hand out slightly so that his fingers wiggled against the fur of Jasmine’s neck. He didn’t touch Stella, didn’t even come close, but there was absolutely no reaction from Stella at having another human this close to her.

Stella looked down at Jasmine. “Why are they staring at us? You’d think they’d never seen daemons before.”

Carlos pointed at Abdi, at the two daemons, and then back at Abdi. “Vibes.”

Abdi nodded seriously. “I see this now.”

“Where are all the daemons?” Stella asked.

Kathrin the owl called out, “Over here, Stella!” They were all hanging out in the same corner they had at the party weeks ago.

“Jasmine, let’s go, these humans are weird. Wait!” She called out, and Jasmine stopped turning away. Stella looked at Matteo. “The Abi prank should have something to do with Moulin Rouge.”

Matteo slapped his hand to his forehead again. Today was ridiculous. “Stella, go visit your friends.”

“Onward, noble steed!” Stella cried out

“Call me stead again and you’re walking forever,” Jasmine said, as she turned around again.

“Fair,” Stella agreed. “Pedal to the metal!”

“Nope,” Jasmine said, but carried on towards the other daemons.

Matteo shook his head as he glanced at David, who looked back, eyes wide and bright and pressing his lips together with amusement.

“Oh my god,” Sam gushed. “You two are cuties!”

Everyone laughed and Matteo put his hands over his face for a second before dropping them and saying, “We do not have to do anything with a musical that is almost twenty years old.”

“I heard they’re making it into a broadway show,” Linn said unexpectedly.

“Oh my god, we have to go!” Stella yelled out. “Do the can-can!”

“Hey sister, soul sister,” Hans started to sing. “Can you even imagine the amount of glitter and costumes? Abi Chaker ballroom!”

“Nice,” Amira said, and high-fived him.

“You know,” Kiki said, and had a huge smile on her face. “I think I have an idea.”

**

”You don’t have to do this,” David said.

Matteo and David walked through the halls of the school, bright and early at eight-thirty in the morning. Stella was tucked away in one of Matteo’s pockets and Jasmine took the lead.

“I’m already here,” Matteo said, chuckling. “I’m not going to turn around now.”

“You don’t have to stay,” David amended.

“I want to.” Matteo stopped and took David’s hand. David leaned in and Matteo gave him a quick kiss. “It won’t be long, and then we’ll take off for the rest of the day.”

“I do actually have one last exam to write,” David said. “I have to study. I’m going to meet with Sara and Leonie.”

Matteo blew a raspberry.

“Sucks for you,” Stella said. “We’re doooooone.” Bio has been a couple days before and they were both relieved it was over.

“I’m aware,” David said dryly. Then he tugged on Matteo’s hand and they began walking to the secretariat’s office. “Let me get through the next couple days, and then you can distract me all you want.”

“Oh the possibilities,” Matteo said, and winked.

David rolled his eyes but seemed to relax a little. He squeezed Matteo’s hand. Even if he pretended he could do this on his own, which Matteo was certain he could, he was happy to be there to support David.

They got the office and David held open the door for Matteo, who tilted his head in thanks.

“This better go right,” Matteo said under his breath. He’d been furious when David had told him about Mr. Neuhaus not wanting to mark David correctly for his exam, instead going by what his ID and confidential school file gendered him as. Laura, who’d been there when David told this story over dinner the other night, was equally incensed, and not for the first time. She’d wanted to come to the meeting as well, but she technically wasn’t a legal guardian and it might only cause trouble. David insisted he could do this on his own.

But he’d agreed to let Matteo come to the school with him, at the very least, even if Matteo wasn’t going into the meeting.

They were only waiting for a couple minutes before David was called into the office by Dr. Steinberg. Matteo slumped against the counter, and at the glare of the secretary, he retreated to one of the plastic waiting chairs.

It was only a minute later when Amira came through the office door.

“Hey,” Matteo said, surprised. Abasi came to sit underneath the chair next to Matteo while Amira herself sat in it.

“Hi.” Amira held out her fist to bump Matteo’s.

“What’re you doing here?” Matteo asked. Stella wiggled out of his pocket and jumped down to the floor. She joined Abasi by going under Matteo’s chair.

“Kiki needed to meet with Dr. Steinberg but something had come up at home so I offered to come in.” Amira paused. “And I knew David had his meeting today so I wanted to see how it went.”

“I’m sure he’ll appreciate that,” he said.

“I’m sure he appreciates you here too,” she said.

“He tried to convince me not to come,” Matteo said.

She nodded. “Sounds like him. I think he’s used to doing things on his own.”

“He doesn’t need to worry about that anymore,” Matteo said, and then was distracted when the door opened again. Leonie and Sara came into the office. “What are you two doing here?”

“What do you think,” Leonie said, her ball python daemon draped over her shoulders, but curled around the top of each arm. She took a seat next to Amira, and the python slithered down slowly to join the other daemons on the floor.

“We’re meeting David to study,” Sara said. Velten the rabbit also went under the chairs. It was a daemon party down there. Sara stayed standing and crossed her arms, staring at Dr. Steinberg’s door. “But we will storm into that office and make complaints if this doesn’t go well.”

“Count me in,” Amira said.

It was a few more minutes, and the girls fell into chatter about the Abi prank, and both Leonie and Sara loved the idea. While they’d not officially been involved earlier, they offered to help with any preparations if needed, now that their Abi exams were almost done. They each only had one left—on Friday, the same PE exam David would be taking.

Finally Dr. Steinburg’s door opened, and they all stood and stared toward the office. David exited and he saw them all, and shot them a quick smile, which helped calm Matteo. This had to be good.

“So it’s settled, then,” Dr. Steinberg said. “Good luck with your exam on Friday, David.” She looked over and was surprised by the crowd. “Are you all here to see me?”

“Just me,” Amira said, stepping forward. “I’m here about the Abi prank. Kiki couldn’t make it, so she sent me here for her.”

“Come on in then, Amira,” Dr. Steinberg said.

As Amira walked by David, Abasi at her heels, he smiled widely and nodded, and they all knew then that was a good sign. She squeezed his arm then followed Dr. Steinberg in. Absasi and Jasmine traded minimal nods as they passed each other, but it was actual acknowledgement which Matteo thought was a good step.

Mr. Neuhaus walked by them first. From under the chairs, Matteo heard Stella sing, “Here comes the General!”

Another daemon—Matteo would put money on Velten—continued with, “Rise up!”

Sara looked ready to laugh and Matteo rolled his eyes and David looked entirely pleased. After Mr. Neuhaus left the office, Matteo turned to him. “So?”

“All good,” David said. “I’ll be marked correctly on Friday.”

There was a cheer, from humans and daemons alike. Matteo cupped David’s face and kissed him.

“Alright,” Leonie said, clapping her hands. “Enough of that. We have revising to do.”

Matteo groaned and leaned against David. “Can’t you give us a few minutes?”

“Some of us still have exams, Matteo.” But she picked up her daemon, who slithered around her. “We’ll meet you in the library in ten minutes, David?”

“I’ll be there,” David said, laughing against Matteo’s protesting grunt.

Sara and Leonie left the office and David and Matteo followed, but Matteo tugged on his hand. They made their way to the door that Matteo liked to sneak out for a smoke, but this time, he put the place to better use and made out with his boyfriend before he had to go study.

**

David had agreed to meet Matteo for a late lunch when he was done studying, and Matteo convinced him to hang out for a few more hours before parting ways for the night. David insisted he go to his own home and get a good night’s sleep before spending the next full day revising for his final exam.

They were walking toward the bus stop to go down to Alexanderplatz to catch an early evening movie when Matteo’s mobile rang. He didn’t recognize the number—it wasn’t IDed to his mother or father or any of his friends.

“You going to answer that?” David asked.

“I guess I should,” Matteo said. He thumbed at the screen and brought the mobile up to his face. “Hello?

“Matteo Florenzi?” It was a female’s voice that he didn’t recognize.

“Yes.”

“I’m calling from the doctor’s office. Your lab results are in, and they are clear.”

“Oh. Well, that’s good.” Matteo blinked up at the sky.

She continued. “The psychologist would like to set up you initial assessment appointment. We just had a cancelation for next Tuesday morning. Eleven o’clock. Would that work for you?”

“Oh,” Matteo said. He wasn’t expecting anything that quickly. But part of his medical case did directly involve his daemon so there was a priority on it, he was pretty sure. “Yes, I can make that.”

“Excellent, I will schedule you in. See you then,” she said briskly, and ended the call.

He pulled the mobile away from his face and put it in his pocket. He turned to see David and the two daemons watching him.

“That was the doctor’s office,” he said. Stella needed to know. She started fretting immediately, little paws kneading into the fur at the top of Jasmine’s head. He said to her, “Calm down, it’s fine.” He picked her up anyway, and held her close to his chest. “Labs are clear.”

“Well, that’s good,” David said with a smile.

Matteo nodded. “Yup. I still have to go for an appointment next week.”

“Okay,” David said. “You knew that would happen.”

“Yeah.” Matteo shrugged.

David’s head tilted. “This is good, yes?”

“Sure.”

“Matteo,” Stella said.

He shrugged again. “I just feel... good. Really good. Happy. What if it’s nothing? My blood tests were clear, right?”

“Don’t be an idiot,” Stella said.

“I’m not,” Matteo said. “You’re doing good too, you can’t tell me you’re not. Why bother wasting everyone’s time if it’s nothing?”

“It’s not a waste of time to make sure everything is fine,” David said. Matteo looked sharply at him, and he held up his hands. “But whatever you want, Matteo. It’s your decision.”

“And mine,” Stella said. “We’ll talk about this later.”

“Fine,” he said, annoyed.

“Put me down,” she said, just as annoyed.

“Fine.” He put her down immediately. He couldn’t believe she didn’t have his back, especially in front of David and Jasmine. She waddled over to Jasmine, who looked between Matteo and Stella, but then knelt so Stella could get up.

“Hey,” David said, taking Matteo’s hand in his. “It’s all good, okay? Let’s go to the movie.” He leaned in and kissed Matteo quickly, and pressed his forehead against his before pulling away. “Happy, remember?”

“I am.” And, despite being faintly annoyed with his daemon, it was the truth. This was still good.

Everything was good.

**

“Are you sure we shouldn’t get Hans?” Stella asked.

Matteo rolled his eyes. “I do know how to dress myself.”

Stella eyed him from her spot on the round table in his room. “Sure,” she said shortly.

He glanced down. He was in jeans—no, not his tightest ones—a t-shirt and his blue zip-up hoodie. The one David had worn the week before. His cologne lingered on it faintly.

“Oh,” Stella said, more softly. “All right, then.”

“Yeah, all right, then,” Matteo said, unable to stop himself. He reiterated, “I can dress myself.”

“Fine,” she said, sharp again. “Dress yourself then.”

“I did.”

“Obviously.”

He sighed and turned to grab his wallet and keys, and pushed his feet into a pair of sneakers.

Things had been—well, tense wasn’t exactly the right word. Neither was ‘off’. Stella was a part of him, his soul, and they understood each other to the core. But they’d definitely had a discussion the day before to work out how they felt about going to the doctor.

He hadn’t cancelled his appointment, but he still thought he felt good and going would be redundant. She insisted that they go because she wasn’t sure if she was good, if she could be around random daemons without the protection of Jasmine, and that was a fair point. They’d seen eye-to-eye on that at least.

They’d go to the doctor, for Stella if not Matteo—even though he knew she thought he needed it too. They disagreed but didn’t get into a fight over it. There was no need to if they were going anyway. Matteo may as well answer some questions for a professional.

“Are you ready yet?” Stella asked. “His exam will be over soon.”

Matteo was going to the school to meet David again, this time picking him up from his last exam. They’d planned on hanging out after—including going to David’s empty flat, since Laura was out of town for the weekend.

Matteo was nervous, but excited. It was—new, but good. So good.

His mobile rang just as he was trying to find it. When he saw the caller ID, he didn’t pick it up immediately.

“What?” Stella asked.

“It’s Dad.” It felt like a punch in the gut. He hadn’t talked to Dad in a while—not since Dad had basically told Matteo it was too much to deal with having a gay son. Matteo had received money in his bank account since then—more than he expected, probably because his father was trying to make up for being a dick. Matteo hadn’t messaged him a thank-you, and with everything being so good with David, had pushed the thought of his father out of his mind completely. No need for negativity.

“Pick it up,” Stella said.

“I could just let it go to voicemail,” he said, even as he reached for the mobile.

“He’ll just get annoyed,” Stella said. “Answer it so it goes better.”

Matteo pressed on the screen and brought the mobile up to his mouth. “Hello.”

“Matteo, hello,” his dad said. There was a pause and Matteo didn’t fill in the silence. His father eventually asked, “How’s your Abiture going?”

“Fine,” Matteo said shortly. “Finished my last exam earlier this week.”

“That’s good,” Dad said. “Hopefully you celebrated well with your friends.”

“My boyfriend is taking his last as we speak,” Matteo said. “I’m going to meet him after, and we’ll go celebrate.”

His father could think whatever he wanted about that. Matteo decided he didn’t give a fuck. If his father wasn’t good with this it was his loss.

There was another pause, and then his father said, with obvious effort, “That’s good. I hope you have a nice time.”

“Oh, I plan to,” Matteo said.

You’re such a shit, Stella said into his head, but she laughed.

Dad cleared his throat. “I did call to tell you something. I’ve been trying for weeks, but. We got derailed, didn’t we?”

Matteo had forgotten about that. The start of it all, the text from his father saying he had news. They had been derailed, not that Matteo cared. He didn’t. Really.

“Okay,” Matteo said. “What’s your news?”

“I told you about Antonia, didn’t I?”

Matteo blinked. He tried to recall the name but it didn’t mean anything. “Sorry, I don’t think so.”

“I know I told you about her before,” his dad said. “She worked in the same office here in Italy when I started my new job last year. She’s moved on to another position elsewhere, but we stayed in touch. She was the one who sent along the struffoli with my gift to you at Christmas.”

“Oh, right,” Matteo said. He barely remembered this. Christmas was not great for him this past year, not with his mother’s state of mind at the time. Matteo hadn’t paid much attention to anything else, save for one nice evening with his friends. “Okay, what about her?”

“Well...” His father trailed off for a moment. Suddenly, Matteo filled with dread. He predicted what was about to come, what his father was about to say, and the thought of it made him nauseous.

“Well,” his father started again. “She and I have become engaged.”

Matteo closed his eyes. This was worse than what he’d predicted. He thought dating, not marriage.

“Oh,” Matteo said, barely any sound coming out of him at all. He cleared his throat and hated how much that little sound was exactly what his father had just done. “Oh. I—congrats?” It definitely came out weak, and like a question.

His father pretended like it hadn’t. “Thank you.”

Matteo should ask questions, he knew he should, but none were forming in his mind. It was like his head went blank. Of course his father was going to move on—he made that clear when he left behind Matteo and his mom in the first place. But he never prepared himself for having to face it.

“That’s not all,” his dad said when Matteo didn’t speak.

“Oh?”

“She’s expecting late this year.”

“She’s...” Matteo felt as if he’d been punched in the gut. Again.

“You’re going to be a big brother!” Dad made it sound like it was the best thing in the world, like Matteo should be happy about it.

Like he should want it.

“I have to go,” Matteo said.

“Matteo, let’s talk about this. I know it’s a big change, but—”

“I have to go,” Matteo said more insistently. “Bye.”

He ended the call. He ended the call and stared at his mobile. Unsuspecting tears welled in his eyes. Which was fucking stupid, why should he care so much about his dad and his dad’s new family? The one that did not include Matteo or his mother.

A hollow laugh escaped from him.

“What?” Stella said. “What’s wrong?” She hadn’t heard the other side of the conversation. She’d still been on the table, away from him. Too far away, but maybe that was for the best right now.

He drew back his arm and then hurled his mobile at the wall. The screen shattered against the plaster, causing a little crack in the paint.

“What the hell?” Stella yelled. “What’s wrong?”

He paid her no mind. He whirled around and grabbed a book off his desk, and hurled it exactly the same way, and miraculously in his anger, hit the exact same spot. And a second book. The plaster now chipped away, leaving a tiny hole in the wall.

“Stop!” Stella yelled. She paced back and forth on the table. “Stop it!”

Matteo swiped his arms across the desktop, knocking anything that was on it down to the floor. A pen holder and pens. Books. David’s pictures floated through the air. The plant pot fell to the ground and broke, the soil spreading everywhere.

“My flowers!” Stella cried out.

The bedroom door burst open. Fran flew in and landed on the table next to Stella, Hans coming in quickly after her. He paused when he saw the mess in the room.

“What is going on in here?” Hans noticed the wall. “What are you doing? If you get us kicked out, Matteo, I swear to God—do you know how hard it is to find a place in Berlin? We were lucky to get this place!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Matteo choked out. His voice sounded rough. He brushed his hand against his cheek, surprised to find it was wet.

Hans turned to him, stunned quiet for once when he took in Matteo. “We’ll clean it up,” he said, a lot milder. “It’s not the end of the world.”

Matteo laughed again, just as hollow. “It’s the apocalypse,” he said, nonsensically. He moved quickly then, grabbing Stella from the table, cringing as she squeaked, but pushed past Hans out of the room. He had to get out. Just—he had to go.

“Where are you going?” Hans called out. “Matteo!”

“To the end of the world,” he said, and laughed or maybe cried but did not stop.

“Dinosaurs!” Stella called before Matteo slammed the door after them.

He rushed out of the building and to the street and ended up at the bus stop.

“Dinosaurs,” Stella said to him, from where he clutched her close to his chest.

“You’re leaving bread crumbs,” he said.

“We need to find a way out.”

It was his luck that the first bus that pulled up would take them toward to the apocalypse. He knew a good hiding spot there. Maybe it was fate he had to end up there today. Maybe fate would have him found.

When he finally settled in a seat, he tried to catch his breath and stop the tears and figure out what he’d done wrong in life. He told Stella what had happened. He said into her mind that Dad was engaged, and was going to have a new baby. A new family in Italy. After he’d left the one in Germany behind.

Stella chose not to speak about it, but cuddled as close to his neck as she possibly could.

When they got to the amusement park, he felt like he was in a daze. The tears had dried up. He could breathe. But he felt lifeless, empty, just a shell of who he was supposed to be. Somehow he made it up and over the gate, like the first time they’d been here, and he wandered through the park. He walked right past the dinosaurs, not stopping to look at them. He was in their apocalypse, after all, they deserved their peace.

He found the tunnel. He went far enough into it that he was surrounded by the dark, not easily to be seen by anyone.

“There better not be real dead bodies in here,” Stella muttered, but that was her only complaint. At the very least, he brought out his mobile and turned on the flashlight, checking the ground.

“No bodies. Just us.”

Then he sank down to the ground, lay on his side, and curled into a ball around Stella.

“I’m sorry I was cranky with you before,” Stella whispered.

“I’m sorry I’m so fucked in the head,” he whispered back.

“Shhhh.” She rubbed her nose against the end of his. She asked, “Aren’t we all?”

He snorted and held her closer.

***

He had no idea how long they lay on the ground for—they’d arrived in the early afternoon, and the sun was still up.

But fate had found them.

Or, rather, fate in the form of David and Jasmine, who didn’t believe in fate but were there nonetheless. Their silhouettes appeared at the mouth of the tunnel.

“Breadcrumbs,” Stella whispered to Matteo. He huffed at her.

He knew they weren’t going to come in. It was dark and they didn’t like the dark. Not like this. And even seeing them, standing there, wasn’t enough to make him want to move. Not yet. He was embarrassed and sad and angry and tired. Neither David or Jasmine should ever have to put up with him like this.

“We know you’re there,” Jasmine called out.

“We’re here,” Stella called back. She didn’t even tell Matteo to get up, or make a move toward them herself. She stayed right where she was, curled against Matteo.

“They won’t come,” Matteo said dully.

“They’re already here,” Stella said.

“It’s dark.”

But then a light from a mobile turned on, and David used the flashlight to move through the tunnel.

Stella called out, “Watch out for the dead bodies!”

“Ha ha,” David said. Matteo closed his eyes. It was the best sound, David’s sarcastic laugh, and it made Matteo feel awful for putting him through this whole stupid ordeal.

He heard footsteps approach and stop not far from him.

“Hey,” David said softly.

Matteo’s eyes were still closed. “Hi.”

There was shuffling and Matteo cracked open his eyes to see David sit down, Jasmine right next to him.

“It’s dark,” Matteo said stupidly.

“It’s still light outside,” David said. “It’s just dark in here.”

“Yeah,” Matteo agreed. It really was.

“Is it okay,” David asked gently, “if I send Hans a quick text letting him know you’re okay?”

Matteo snorted. “You think this is okay?”

There was a pause. “Let him know you’re safe.”

“Sure.” Matteo used the moment to push himself up to a sitting position, mirroring David with crossed legs. Stella slid into the safe space between Matteo’s legs, but her front paws rested on them so her head popped up and she could watch the other two.

David thumbed at his mobile, and then put it on the ground screen down. The flashlight illuminated the space between them, though the shadows it cast on David and Jasmine’s faces were creepy. It felt like Matteo was in some sort of abstract dream, rather than facing his boyfriend and his boyfriend’s daemon.

“Hi,” David said again.

“You found us,” Matteo said. He rubbed his sweaty palms on his jean-clad thighs.

“I did,” David agreed. “When you didn’t show up at the school, or answer my texts or calls, I—well, honestly? I was mad, but only for about three seconds. Then I got worried so I went to your flat. Hans explained what he could to me, though he was confused about the end of the world.”

“Dinosaur apocalypse,” Stella informed him.

David gave her a small smile. “He was very confused about that. We knew exactly what you were talking about.”

“Good,” she said. “I knew you would.”

“At least I found out why I couldn’t get a hold of you,” David said.

“I broke my mobile,” Matteo said.

“I noticed,” David said easily. He sounded so casual, like it was just a normal conversation, and like he hadn’t had to traipse through the dinosaur apocalypse to find his missing, fucked up boyfriend.

“I broke the wall,” Matteo whispered, and rubbed his hands over his face, pressing the heel of his palm against his eyelids. “Hans is going to be so mad at me.”

“He won’t be,” David said. “I promised to help fix it. No one will be able to tell.”

Matteo looked up. “You can do that?”

“You’ve seen where I live,” David said, raising an eyebrow.

“You live in a shithole.” Matteo paused, tilting his head and thinking. “Well, the building is a shithole. Your flat isn’t that bad.”

“Believe me, it was worse.” David smirked. “I can patch up a little dent in your wall.”

“Is there anything you can’t do?” Matteo asked, in spite of himself. He was supposed to be feeling crappy, but here was his superhero boyfriend, admitting to home renovation.

“Speak Italian,” David answered immediately, and Stella laughed. Jasmine leaned her head against David’s. “Love listening to you do it, but please don’t try to get me to learn. Lost cause.”

Even Matteo couldn’t help but smile at that. “Okay, okay.”

“What about fix flower pots?” Stella asked shyly. Matteo’s small smile dropped immediately. God, he was such an asshole.

“Turns out, Hans found one in his room and transplanted the flowers,” David said.

“They should be fine,” Jasmine said, lifting her head off of David’s to look at Stella. “If they’re not, we’ll get you new ones.”

“Okay, good,” Stella said, sounding slightly happier.

David reached out for one of Matteo’s hands, and Matteo let it happen, even though a part of himself questioned it. What the hell was David even doing here? Why was he being so good about this? This was a fucking mess. Matteo was a fucking mess.

“You want to talk about it?” David asked.

Matteo shook his head. He didn’t. Talking about his father was the last thing he wanted to do right now. He didn’t want to talk much about having a breakdown over it, either.

“Why?” Matteo asked. “Why are you even here?”

“To find you,” Jasmine answered.

“But why?” Matteo said, a little agitated. “You saw my room. I’m sure Hans told you I’m just a crazy, angry asshole—”

“He did not,” David said.

“Well, he should have. He should have, so that you wouldn’t have followed me here. Why would you want to do that?”

David gently flipped Matteo’s hand over, and Matteo’s fingers uncurled instinctively. David cradled Matteo’s hand in the two of his so carefully, like he was holding something precious. Then he bent over and kissed Matteo’s palm.

Right on the heartline.

Matteo’s heart stopped beating in that moment.

“There is nowhere I would rather be right now,” David said gently.

Matteo’s heart went back online, and his voice was uneven. “You’re here because you were worried about your hot mess of a boyfriend.”

“I’m here,” David said firmly, “because I’m in love with my amazing boyfriend.”

“Because you...” Matteo’s throat closed and no other words would come out. He’d never expected to hear those words from anyone, ever, and here they were. Handed to him, honestly and genuinely, and enough to make him want to burst.

David only smiled at him, patiently.

Matteo blinked. “Maybe you’re the crazy one.”

“Oh my god,” Stella said. “That’s your reaction?” Jasmine chuckled quietly.

He flicked her on the top of the head. “Someone is in love with me. Someone I’m in love with loves me back. It’s kind of a lot.”

“Too soon?” David said, but he sounded like he was trying to suppress one of his smiles. It was hard to tell in this weird lighting, but Matteo knew. He knew David, and what David sounded like when he was doing that. And now he knew what David sounded like when he said love, when he gave it open and freely, and it was unbelievable.

“God no,” Matteo said, looking up at him. “I just—don’t understand why.”

“One of the many mysteries in life,” David said sagely, “that we’re just going to have to accept.”

“I love you too,” Matteo blurted out.

“Kind of got that,” David said with a shrug and another suppressed smile. “Cool.”

“Oh my god,” Stella said again, sounding quite disgusted with the two of them.

“Boys,” Jasmine said.

“This is their love confession?” Stella asked. “You have got to be shitting me.”

“This isn’t one of your dramatic musicals, Stella,” Matteo said. He rubbed the back of his hand under his nose, though, because it was all a bit emotional and he was about to snot all over the place.

“I don’t know, you’re a bit of a drama queen,” she muttered under her breath. He pretended not to hear her.

“They always die in those movies,” David said.

“They don’t always die!” Stella protested. “That’s it, we’re watching feel-good movies for the rest of the weekend, and you both can learn some romance.”

Both David and Matteo made a face.

“Hopeless,” Stella said. “Completely hopeless.”

“I don’t know,” Jasmine said. “We did come all the way here to find you. We’re in the dark for you.”

“It really is a good thing you didn’t become a vampire,” Matteo said. “Seriously, you’d make the worst creature of the night.”

“Right?” David answered. “But speaking of the dark...” He squeezed Matteo’s hand.

“You want to leave it?” Matteo said.

“Only if you’re ready,” David said quickly. “I’ll stay here as long as you need.”

It was those words that spurred Matteo on. He could’ve sat here for hours, the night even, not moving and not facing the stupid world beyond this tunnel. But he didn’t want to keep David here, hidden away. He could get up if it meant getting David back to the light.

“It’s okay,” Matteo said. “We can go.”

“Matteo,” Stella said, suddenly sounding a bit distressed. “Can we go home?”

He blinked down at her. “To Mama’s?”

“No, no. To our home. To the WG.” She started to crawl onto his leg, and he picked her up so she sat on his shoulder. “I know we were supposed to go to David’s, but I think we should go home.”

“Of course,” he said without thinking about it. If that’s what Stella wanted, he’d give it to her. He added to David, “Sorry.”

“No, no, it’s okay,” David said, shaking his head.

“You’re coming, aren’t you?” Stella asked, a bit alarmed. She smacked the side of Matteo’s face with her paw. “They can come.”

“If they want,” Matteo agreed, and squeezed David’s hand.

“We want,” David said, warmth in his voice.

“Let’s go,” Stella said.

David and Matteo got up off the ground, and Stella slid herself down into Matteo’s hood. It’d been a while since she’d done that, but he liked the weight of it against his back. Matteo and David walked out of the tunnel, hand in hand, with Jasmine leading the way as always. They blinked against the daylight, the sun not yet sinking beyond the abandoned Ferris Wheel.

“Hey,” Matteo said, tugging on David’s hand. David stopped and turned to him. Matteo leaned in and kissed him softly. David’s fingers traced down Matteo’s jaw. Matteo whispered, “I do love you.”

David smiled against Matteo’s mouth. “Love you too.”

In the distance, the security dog barked.

“Every fucking time,” Matteo muttered, and David chuckled. David tugged on Matteo’s hand again.

“Come on, let’s go,” David said, playfully. “We can tempt fate another time.”

Matteo tried to smile, but something in his chest twisted, just a little. “Yeah,” he said. “Let’s go.”

**

Stella politely declined a ride from Jasmine, and thankfully Jasmine didn’t seem offended by it. When they took a seat on the bus, Stella draped herself around Matteo’s neck like a scarf.

Matteo and David sat side-by-side. David’s hands were folded together on his lap, but his leg pressed against Matteo’s. Matteo slumped in the seat, wanting to lean into David but couldn’t because of Stella. Which was fine, he understood, he wanted her close, but it would have been nice.

He felt himself go quieter. There was a weight in his insides that kept sinking, taking his energy and his voice and his alertness with it. It started in his chest, where the twist of doubt had been, and spread out until all his limbs felt like lead. He was so tired.

They walked to the flat from the stop and Matteo found his keys in his pocket. David took them from him, opening the building door, then the flat door after Matteo had dragged his feet up the stairs.

There was no one there when they got there, which Matteo was grateful for. He didn’t want to deal with anyone else right now. He went to his room, David and Jasmine trailing after him. However, the moment he saw his bed, he sunk onto it, crawling to the pillows and pulling the covers over himself.

Stella crawled out and sat on his side.

“We’ll be sleeping now,” she announced matter-of-factly. “Feel free to make yourself at home. Stay in here, hang out in the living room, grab whatever you want from Matteo’s shelf in the fridge.”

Matteo snorted.

“There’s probably not a lot there,” Stella admitted. “But, yes. Okay?”

Matteo heard David say, “Okay,” and Stella climbed back over him and wiggled her way under the covers. He pulled her close and closed his eyes.

**

Matteo opened his eyes sometime later. It was only starting to get dark in the room, the very faintest of daylight coming through the balcony door. It couldn’t have been that long since he fell asleep, and his body felt like a bag of rocks.

He heard someone out in the living room, and the door of his room clicked closed ever so softly.

Matteo closed his eyes again.

**

It was dark now.

There was a little bit of glowing light from the far side of the room. Matteo rolled over, and Stella climbed out from under the covers. She made her way to the end of the bed, and he brought the covers back around him so that only his face showed.

David and Jasmine both noticed the movement. David leaned forward and put Matteo’s laptop down on the little table. He got off the comfy chair and walked over to the bed, though he stopped to turn on the small desk lamp first. Matteo blinked against the light, even if it was aimed up at the ceiling.

David knelt on the floor next to the bed, putting his arms on the mattress and leaned his chin on them.

“Hey,” David said softly.

“Hey,” Matteo answered.

There was a silence. It didn’t feel awkward, but Matteo had no need to fill it in.

“You hungry?” David asked. “I can make you a sandwich.”

Matteo shook his head. “No.”

“You sure? When was the last time you ate?”

“I’m sure.” Matteo tried very hard not to get annoyed; he knew David was just trying to help. “I’m not hungry.”

“Okay. It wouldn’t be a problem—”

“Psst, David,” Stella hissed from the end of the bed.

He blinked in surprise and glanced over at her.

“Come here. It’s time you and I had a talk.”

“A... talk?” He looked intrigued and maybe a little scared. Matteo couldn’t help but snort. Matteo reached his hand out from under his covers and drummed his fingers ever so lightly against David’s arm, but it got his full attention.

“Don’t leave her waiting,” Matteo said quietly. “You’ll never hear the end of it.”

David kissed Matteo’s fingers, then moved down to the end of the bed.

Matteo stayed where he was, comfortable in his cocoon of covers, but heard every word.

“I knew this was coming,” Stella said. “I could feel it. That’s why I wanted to come home.”

“Okay,” David said.

“But don’t push, okay? When he’s like this, he doesn’t feel like eating. He won’t want to talk. He won’t even feel like moving much. Pushing him to try anything different will just annoy him, or make him withdraw even more. He won’t want to but he will. He can’t help it.”

“Okay,” David said softly.

“He might not want to do anything or go anywhere, but I promise you this—he would like cuddles.”

Matteo huffed but didn’t deny it.

“Like I don’t know,” Stella said loudly to him. Back to David, “I think we’ll be sleeping again soon, but I’ll go curl up on the chair and you get in to the bed with him.”

This alarmed Matteo so much he actually lifted his head. “Stella.”

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” Stella said. “I can do this.” He wasn’t sure he wanted to, as much as having David close would be just as good.

“How about,” David said placatingly, “I pull the desk chair over beside the bed and get a blanket and you can curl up there. That way, you’re right there if Matteo wants you or you want him, but I won’t accidentally touch you.”

“I like the way you think, Schreibner,” Stella said.

Matteo listened as there was some shuffling around the room, and felt as Stella made her way back up to the bed. He opened his eyes long enough to see that she could easily hop onto the chair that was right next to the bed, and she turned in a few circles and then settled into the little nest of blankets David had made for her.

“Perfect,” Stella said. Jasmine laid on the ground next to the chair, and David walked around the bed to get in on the opposite side.

He got under the covers and spooned against Matteo’s back. Matteo closed his eyes and relaxed, drifting off to sleep.

***

Matteo was surprised to find he was the first one awake in the morning. He blinked his eyes open and it was bright in the room. Stella was still curled on the chair, nestled in the blankets, but she slowly woke as he did.

He looked over the side of the bed, and saw Jasmine wasn’t there anymore. Glancing over his shoulder, David was behind him, turned away and on his stomach, arm over the other edge of the mattress, and Matteo figured Jasmine was on the floor there. Neither of them stirred.

Putting his finger up to his lips to Stella, he got out of bed—the old thing creaked, but they still don’t move—and picked up Stella. They quietly made their way out of the room.

“I wonder how late they stayed up?” she said as he headed to the bathroom. He winced. If it was late, it was likely because of worry. He hated he was the cause of it.

He pissed and washed up, including brushing his teeth and running a comb through his hair. He lifted Stella to his shoulder without complaint and headed to the kitchen. The flat was quiet, no one else awake yet either.

He started a pot of coffee and rummaged through his food. He put Stella on the counter to make it easier on himself. He didn’t have a lot to offer David, but he did have pasta so he put on a pot of water.

“‘Mornin’,” Hans said, standing in the kitchen door, with Fran perched on his shoulder. Stella waved at her from the counter, just a small lift of her little front paw.

Matteo gave a half-smile. “Good morning.” He turned the element on. “Coffee’s almost ready.”

“So I smell.” Hans came into the kitchen and took a mug from the cabinet. He put it on the counter near the coffee pot. He turned to Matteo. “How’re you today?”

Matteo shrugged. “Okay, I think.” It wasn’t a lie, exactly. He was tired, a little, and hungry, a little, and felt guilty, a lot. “I wanted to apologize. For yesterday. If you want to kick me out—”

“Whoa, whoa, hold your horses, boy,” Hans said immediately. He held up his hands. “No one is kicking out anyone.”

Matteo leaned against the counter, arms crossed as he looked back at Hans. “I didn’t mean to bring this to your door.”

“What is ‘this’?” Hans asked.

Matteo shrugged. “I don’t even know.” He gestured at his head and then stopped talking. Hans only watched him. Matteo sighed. “I’m going to the doctor this week. Maybe I’ll get a better idea, someday.”

“Okay,” Hans said. “Talking to someone is good. Getting help is better. We all need it, from time to time. Even someone as perfect as me.”

Matteo snorted, but then grinned. “Even someone as perfect as you.”

“Did you just say that?” Hans gasped. He patted at his robe and then frowned exaggeratedly. “And I don’t have my mobile on me to record it.”

“Well, I’m not saying it again, so you’ve missed your chance.”

Hans put the back of his hand to his forehead. “No, I can’t believe this!” Then he calmly poured his coffee and put milk and sugar in it. “Thank you for the coffee.”

“I’m making pasta, if you want any,” Matteo said.

Hans scrunched his nose. “This time of day? If there was any reason to kick you out, it’d be that.” With that, he and Fran left, though Matteo heard a cheery, “Good morning, friends!”

David showed up in the kitchen doorway. His hair was completely flat on one side, and stuck out messily on the other. He was in one of Matteo’s shirts, not the same one he’d been in yesterday.

“Are you going to steal all my clothes?” Matteo teased.

“Maybe,” David mumbled. Jasmine walked past Matteo and settled in the corner of the kitchen. David collapsed against Matteo, since Stella was on the counter and he didn’t need to worry about that. His arms went around Matteo’s waist and he pushed his face into Matteo’s neck.

“Hi,” Matteo said.

“Hi,” David said. He turned his head to look at the stove. “You’re cooking?”

Matteo wound his fingers into David’s thick hair and tugged lightly, getting him to lift his head off Matteo’s shoulder a little, to look him in the eyes. “Pasta a la Luigi,” he said, affecting an Italian accent.

David grinned, soft and sleepy. “Sounds good.”

“Even for this time of day?”

“For any time of day,” David said.

Matteo kissed him, David’s stale morning breath be damned. David melted into it, leaning his full weight against Matteo. Matteo laughed into the kiss and tried to hold David upright.

“Do you have to in front of my pasta?” Stella said.

David laughed. Matteo rolled his eyes and said, “No more memes for you.”

“Whatever, Meme-King.”

David grinned and went to sit in a chair.

“Besides, it’s just water right now.” Matteo turned to her. The water was boiling, though, so he grabbed the pasta off the counter and dumped it in. Then he started putting together the sauce, which wasn’t going to be the most fabulous in the world because he didn’t have a lot to put it in, but it would be decent enough.

Matteo moved around the kitchen with ease, though Stella was bossy and tried to tell him what to do, and he snarked back lightly. He glanced over at David, who’d sat in one of the chairs, head propped up on his hand. He watched Matteo and Stella with sleepy amusement. It was comfortable, and real, and it felt like he’d left the apocalypse behind.

When the pasta was done, he’d got a bowl for David and one for himself, though he didn’t take as much. He was hungry but not that hungry. If David noticed, he didn’t comment. He offered some to Stella and Jasmine but they both declined, though Matteo knew Stella would steal a piece or two off of him.

They ate in a comfortable silence, with their coffee and pasta, and it was nice. Matteo soaked it up while he could, drew strength from it, but knew what he had to do.

Eventually, Matteo said, “I’m going to my doctor’s appointment on Tuesday.” He’d always planned to, for Stella, but. “I should deal with this.”

“Would you like me to go with you?” David asked

Matteo shook his head. “No, I’ll have Stella. I think I need to do this on my own.”

“Our own,” Stella said.

“Our own,” Matteo agreed. “I will let you know how it goes.”

“If you’d like,” David said. “When you’re ready to talk, but it’s okay if you don’t want to.”

Matteo nodded. He pushed some pasta around in his bowl, and took a bite. When he’d swallowed, he said, “My dad called yesterday.”

David looked at him sharply. “Yeah?”

Matteo nodded. “Yeah. He’d been trying to tell me news for a while and he finally did.”

“Everything okay? Or, wait,” David said, wincing. “Stupid question. Sorry.”

“It’s not,” Matteo said. “It’s not a stupid question. Because, yes, everything is fine. He’s engaged now, and has a baby on the way. And I—I didn’t take it well.”

“Well, of course not,” Stella said, snottily but obviously in defense of Matteo. As if daring anyone to say he should have. “It’s a big deal. He left Mama behind, and us, and now he has a new family. Of course you were upset.”

“Yeah,” Matteo said, and ran a hand over her back. “But I shouldn’t have flipped out like that.” She didn’t say anything, instead tried to climb his arm. “Stella, I’m trying to eat.” That didn’t stop him from helping her up to his shoulder. She leaned her face against his.

“Family is complicated,” David said.

“Yeah, I guess.” Matteo shrugged. “Thank you for yesterday.”

“You don’t need to thank me.”

“And I’m sorry.”

“You do not need to apologize,” David said. He reached out and put his hand over Matteo’s. “Do not apologize for that, ever.”

“I’m going to. Anytime it happens,” Matteo said. “But I’ll try not to.” He paused for a moment, but couldn’t help it. It was a thought starting to edge in, and it was best to get it out there. “You’re sure you want to do this? Be with me? Deal with this?”

“I already told you,” David said, patiently. “Yes. I’m in this. All in.” He paused for a moment, tilting his head, and Matteo recognized this.

That was where Matteo and David were different, he’d noticed. Matteo took time, sometimes, to process and to understand what the hell was going on. David paused a lot too, took his time, but it was to find the right words, to carefully craft exactly what he wanted to say, and give the perfect delivery.

“I don’t know how to put this without sounding stupid,” David said.

Matteo shook his head. “You won’t sound stupid.”

“Do you know who you’re talking to?” Stella asked. She patted her paw against Matteo’s cheek. “Compared to this guy, you’re fine.” Matteo rolled his eyes and flicked her ear.

The corner of David’s mouth tilted up, but he looked serious. “I’m—glad is absolutely not the right word. But. Okay, so before you told me that you sometimes had trouble. Bad days, if you will,” David said. Matteo nodded. “And now I’ve seen it. I hated seeing it, I hate seeing you feel that way, but I’ve seen it. I’ll never understand, but I have an understanding, if that makes sense.”

“Totally,” Stella said. Matteo leaned his cheek against her affectionately.

“And I want to be there for you, do what I can for you, but I might screw up, and that worries me too.”

“Hey. That’s my line,” Matteo said softly. David tilted his head in question. “You know I feel the same way about you.”

“So what you’re saying,” Jasmine said suddenly. “Is you’re both idiot boys dealing with shit who are in love with each other, so we’re all just going to muddle our way through this and everything will be fine in the long run.”

David laughed and Matteo smiled down at her.

“Yeah,” David said, sounding relieved. “I guess that’s what I’m saying.”

“Good,” Jasmine said. “Now that we all have that understanding, you can both stop thinking you’re not good enough for the other. You’re so perfect for each other it’s enough to make me want to puke.”

Stella cackled, obviously thrilled with Jasmine’s contribution. David rolled his eyes but pressed his lips in a suppressed smile.

“She has a point,” Matteo said. “She’s got her shit together, at least.”

“She does,” David said. “But don’t tell her that, it’ll go to her head.”

Jasmine snorted. “As if I didn’t know.”

“Put me down,” Stella said. Matteo got off the kitchen chair and put Stella down, who scampered over to Jasmine. For his part, Matteo went around the table to stand next to David. He cupped David’s cheeks, holding his face in place while he kissed the hell out of him.

They kissed and kissed and kissed, until Mia came into the kitchen and declared it a ‘make-out free zone’ since Hans had put those restrictions on her and Alex once.

“As if Hans should talk,” Matteo muttered. Mia didn’t disagree but still told them to tone it down in the kitchen.

They took it to the bedroom instead.

**

It was not the privacy and intimacy they’d planned for the night before, but they stayed in bed kissing and talking. It reminded Matteo of their first overnight together, and that was just as good.

They talked of the future. David planned on school in the autumn. Matteo didn’t know what he wanted to do, and David seemed to think that was okay. They did talk about taking a trip to see all the places their parallel universes could have been. To take real pictures of David’s drawings someday.

“Not sure I fancy being dumped in the snow,” Matteo said, but he smiled and kissed David.

“But I want to laugh at it,” Stella said from where she was curled up on the arm of the comfy chair. Jasmine had herself squeezed into it.

“Ha ha,” Matteo said sarcastically.

“It would be funny,” David said, his nose scrunched in humour. Matteo scowled at him, but kissed him again because that felt like the best thing to do.

“This is good,” Matteo said when they pulled apart. He rolled onto his back and pulled David on top of him.

“What is?” David asked. He didn’t wait for an answer but kissed Matteo instead. Matteo’s hand found its way to under David’s shirt and rested on the small of David’s back, the skin soft and warm.

David didn’t freeze. He didn’t pull away. He relaxed into it, lowering himself carefully onto Matteo until it felt like they were fused together, no end or beginning to the other.

“This,” Matteo said when they came up for air. David rested his head against Matteo’s shoulder. “This is good. Everything.”

David linked their fingers together. “Agreed.”

They had a nap, but it was just because they were warm and comfortable and having a lazy Saturday, not because Matteo was retreating. He didn’t want to retreat, but he liked the little bubble they’d made for themselves again. He’d never felt safer or more loved.

**

Matteo blinked and woke up slowly, arching his back in a stretch. His arms reached to the side but David wasn’t there.

“He’s using the bathroom,” Jasmine said.

Matteo rolled over to face the edge of the bed, and Jasmine was right there. He froze so he didn’t touch her, because she was just inches away. She didn’t seem overly concerned though.

“And of course,” Jasmine said, “he’s run into one of your flatmates and is too polite to excuse himself.”

Matteo grinned. “Sounds about right. Hans?”

“Linn, I think.”

“Linn?” Matteo laughed a little. “She doesn’t talk a lot, but once you get into a conversation with her, it’s hard to let it go.”

“So I’ve guessed.”

She put her chin down on the edge of the mattress and looked at him. He could only stare back.

“It’s time you and I had a talk,” Jasmine said.

He blinked. “A... talk?”

“Ha ha,” Stella said. She stayed where she was on the chair. “Your turn to face the daemon.”

Jasmine paid her no mind. “Did you know,” she said, “that David wished for the two of you?”

That shut Stella up. It also stunned Matteo to silence for a second. Tentatively, he said, “Wished upon a star?”

“No,” Jasmine said. “It was just an airplane.”

This startled laughter out of Matteo. He grinned. “Stella did that too. We’ll have to find them real shooting stars some time.”

“I’d like that,” Jasmine said. “On our travels, we should go to Fürstenberg.”

“Fürstenberg? Why?”

“David’s godmother lives there. Aside from Laura—and now you—she is the person David loves most in the world. I know he’d love to introduce you to her.”

“I—would like that,” Matteo said softly.

“And there is the most perfect spot to go to for stargazing.”

“Stargazing!” Stella said excitedly.

“Sounds like a plan. If David wants,” Matteo added.

“David wants,” Jasmine said. “He wished for you that day. He wants everything.”

Matteo smiled and rubbed his cheek against the pillow. “Okay.”

“Matteo,” Jasmine said softly. Even though it wasn’t the first time she’d addressed him directly, and they were right in the middle of a conversation, he still startled at it. Here was David’s daemon, his soul, talking to Matteo of all the people. It was a wonder, an astonishment, and still hard to believe.

“Matteo,” she said again, as if sensing how he felt about it. “David... he’s been through a lot. And he doesn’t trust easily,” she said. Matteo gnawed on his bottom lip but nodded so she knew he was paying attention. “But he trusts you. And he loves you. I know you’re going through a lot too, still are and probably always will, but please. As hard as it, please remember that. Remember he loves you.”

“I will,” Matteo said immediately. “Sometimes it’s hard for me to remember, but I will. It’s not like I want to forget.”

“I spoke the truth earlier. You’re both so loved, and we will all get through everything together.”

And he knew they would. “I know. I won’t question it anymore. I know.”

“Good,” she said. She tilted her head to the side. She couldn’t smile the way humans smiled, obviously, but he sensed peace about her, and knew she was happy with how this went.

The door creaked open slowly and Matteo glanced over his shoulder to see David walk through.

David froze in spot when he saw them. “What’s going on?” He sounded nervous, almost.

“We were just having a little discussion,” Jasmine said.

“So I see. About what?”

“Fürstenberg,” Matteo said.

This caused David to blink. “Fürstenberg?”

“And stargazing!” Stella put in excitedly.

“I think we should stop there on our trip,” Jasmine said. She lifted her head from the mattress and turned her full attention to David. She walked by him, rubbing against his hip. His fingers found the fur on the top of her head.

“That would be nice,” David said softly, staring down at Jasmine then over to Matteo. “I’d like that.”

“Me too,” Matteo agreed. David’s face blossomed into the most glorious smile.

“Good,” David said. Then he crawled across the bed and kissed Matteo on the cheek. “So I was talking to Linn—” Matteo couldn’t help but grin and imagined Jasmine would’ve been to, if she could “—and she invited us to go to a little restaurant that’s not far from here for Pho.”

“Pho?” Matteo asked.

“Vietnamese dish,” David said.

“Never had it.”

“It’s good,” David said. “You up for it?”

“Sure,” Matteo said. Before he let David get up, he pulled him into a kiss. He tried to pour everything he had into it. When they broke apart, David’s cheeks were flushed pink and he stared down at Matteo.

“Come on,” Matteo said cheekily, and pushed David off him. “Let’s go.”

“You little shit,” David muttered. Matteo laughed at him as he scooped up Stella. They all went to join Linn and Mia and their daemons.

**

“You’re supposed to hit the bottles, dumbass.” Matteo carried the football but pointed to the beer bottles. “How’re you going to get drunk if you don’t?”

“You know what,” Carlos said, pointing at him. “Not all of us have an advanced P.E. boyfriend!”

“You should be so lucky,” Matteo said. He threw his arm around David’s shoulders and pulled him in to plant a kiss on his cheek, and David laughed but allowed it.

They were hanging out at the park with Carlos, Abdi and Jonas. It was David and Matteo against the other three, and if everyone else kept missing the bottles they weren’t going to get nearly as drunk as Matteo and David were on their way to being.

“Let’s do this,” Matteo said. He moved to pass the ball to David but all the other three protested.

“No. No, no,” Jonas said. “You do this, Matteo. It can’t be David every time!”

“Fine,” Matteo said, taking the ball back. “I’ll show you how it’s done.”

He aimed and threw the ball, knocking over the bottles.

“That’s my boy!” Stella yelled from the sidelines, where she was seated with the other daemons.

He and David cheered while the others booed, and Matteo and David picked up their bottles and chugged them.

“This is not going to end well,” David said. He hunched over, laughing.

“Or very well, depending how you look at it,” Matteo said, leaning on David’s back.

“Okay, okay,” Jonas said. “I think we’re done this game. These two need a break.”

“Might be a good idea,” Matteo said, shrugging and standing upright.

“Let’s just kick the ball around,” Abdi said, grabbing it.

David stood straight up too. “Oh, count me in.”

Everyone else groaned but Matteo laughed. He pushed on David’s shoulder. “Go get them.”

“I’ll sit this one out too,” Jonas said, coming to join Matteo.

“Yeah, but then it’s uneven,” Carlos protested.

“David can take you both,” Matteo said.

“How about,” David said, “it’s me and Jasmine against you two.” She stood up on the sidelines and started to walk toward David.

Carlos and Abdi stared at him in admiration. “She can do that?”

“Sure,” David said, shrugging.

“Oh, cool,” Abdi said. “Let’s do this.”

“There’s one downfall to this,” Jonas said as he and Matteo made their way up the short flight of cement stairs to the landing that overlooked the field. Matteo carried Stella now, and Kathrin had already flown up to the railing above.

“Yup,” Matteo said. “They’ll figure it out soon enough.”

They went to the railing where Kathrin was, and the case of their remaining beer. They each grabbed one and leaned against the railing, the night lamps illuminating it just enough to see what was going on in the field below.

David intercepted a pass from Carlos to Abdi. Abdi rushed him, and David smoothly kicked it to Jasmine, who was quick and coordinated enough to kick it up the field a little, and chased after it herself.

Carlos rushed after the ball, and Jasmine beat him to it. He stopped so suddenly he almost fell over.

“Shit!” he yelled. “I might accidentally touch her!”

Jasmine scored between the designated beer bottles that substituted as goal posts.

“And there it is,” Jonas said. All the daemons cheered, including Stella and Kathrin who were sitting on the ledge of the barrier looking down. Matteo laughed at the astonished looks on Carlos and Abdi’s faces. David was positively smug about it as Carlos and Abdi started accusing him of cheating and he had to defend himself.

“You should have thought of that before!” David yelled back, but he was laughing too hard for it to be serious.

“Okay,” Jonas said to Matteo from where they watched the scene, “your boyfriend is cool.”

Matteo grinned. “Yeah, he really is.”

They continued watching, sipping on their beers, as the three humans and one tiger daemon started to iron out rules about their makeshift footy game.

“He’s been really awesome, actually,” Matteo said. “About my bad days.”

Jonas paused, his beer bottle halfway to his mouth as he side-eyed Matteo. He put the bottle down and turned to him. “He knows?”

“Yeah. I told him about it before we got together,” Matteo said. “Or, well, got together for good. Whatever you want to call it.”

Jonas frowned. “Is that why you and him were having problems—”

“No, no,” Matteo said, shaking his head. “That was before, and that was something else altogether. We’re okay there. But I did tell him about my history with my mom and that I sometimes have trouble. And last week—well. I had one of those bad days.”

“I’m sorry,” Jonas said quietly.

“It’s—well, not okay. But I’m okay now,” Matteo said. “And he was there with me through the whole thing. Believe it or not, he still wants to be with me anyway.”

“Of course he does,” Jonas said. “You’re awesome and he knows it.”

“I guess so,” Matteo said softly. He looked back out over the field again. “I went to the doctor again yesterday.”

“Again?” Jonas asked.

“I went a couple weeks ago. After I talked to you that time,” Matteo explained. “And yesterday was a follow up visit with a psychologist.”

“How’d it go?” Jonas asked.

Matteo took a deep breath, but he smiled as he watched David score this time. “Okay,” he said. “I was diagnosed with—” He exhaled this time. Stella turned to face him and he put a hand on her back. “Depression. Officially diagnosed, anyway.” He’d known, deep down, for a while. And Jonas had to have known, or suspected, too.

“How’re you feeling about it?” Jonas asked softly.

Matteo shrugged. “It sucks. But we have a treatment plan, and as long as I stick to it—” That, the doctor had stressed, was the most important thing “—I’ll be able to manage it.”

They fell into silence for a moment. “Okay,” Jonas said. “Okay. If you need anything from me, you’ll let me know?”

“I will,” Matteo said. He had no idea what that would mean, what it would look like, but he knew Jonas would have his back. “For the next little while, Stella and I will be going to therapy sessions. There was a discussion that meds might be brought into it.”

“Do you want that?” Jonas asked.

Matteo shrugged. “If it helps, that’s good, right? They help my mom. The doctor told me how everyone is different so it’s mostly figuring out if I should be on them, and if so what kind and what dosage would work for me. And it might take a little while to settle on the right one. Months even. At least,” he added with another shrug, “that’s what she said. But we’ll see. We’re not even starting there.”

“You’re starting somewhere,” Jonas said, and clapped his hand against Matteo’s shoulder. “And that’s good.”

“Yeah,” Matteo said. Stella pushed up against his hand reassuringly and he smiled down at her.

Jonas put his arm around Matteo’s shoulder and pulled him close, kissing the top of his head. “I’m proud of you.”

It was then the boys, who’d given up the footy game, came up the stairs.

“Hey, are you hitting on my boyfriend?” David asked playfully. There wasn’t a trace of jealousy or worry on his face.

“What if he was?” Matteo asked, smirking.

“He’s taken!” Abdi said. “The least you could do is hit on me or Carlos.”

Carlos hit him with the back of his hand. “Hey! I’m taken too.”

“Oh, right,” Abdi said, shrugging.

“Fine, fine, us singles should stick together,” Jonas said, and pulled Abdi into a headlock. Abdi immediately fought back, struggling against Jonas’ hold. “Hey! I’m trying to give you a kiss too.”

“Not like this!” Abdi said, but was laughing too hard to get free. Jonas planted a kiss to the back of his head.

David laughed at them, but slid over to Matteo and put his arm around Matteo’s shoulders. Matteo leaned into him.

“All’s good?” David asked quietly into his ear.

“All’s good,” Matteo agreed.

“Boys! Boys!” Jonas said. He’d let go of Abdi and picked up his beer. “A toast!” Anyone who didn’t have a drink in hand grabbed a bottle from the case.

“To what?” Abdi asked. “To the end?”

“To staying friends?” Carlos said immediately. “Guys, we’re going to stay friends, right? After Abi is done.”

“Dude, of course!” Jonas said, suddenly looking upset.

“Then we can’t cheers to the end!” Carlos said dramatically. Matteo rolled his eyes, but he did get what Carlos meant.

“It is the end of an era!” Abdi countered.

“How about,” David said, holding out his beer, “to new beginnings.”

Jonas smiled at him. “I like that.”

“To new beginnings,” they all chorused, and clinked bottles. Matteo kissed David’s cheek.

**

Matteo and Stella were meeting David and Jasmine in front of the school. Their friends and some classmates were there, laughing and dancing to the music playing out of someone’s mobile. They were all wearing their red Abi Chacker Clan hoodies, and dressed with bits and pieces of costumes. Matteo wore a cowboy hat, since he didn’t think Texas would make it onto the summer itinerary this year. It only caused a little arguing with Stella because she wanted him in something more Moulin Rouge-esque, but she conceded to the parallel universe point, at least.

“It’s a costume party,” he told her for the tenth time. “I’m in costume. What, did you want me in a corset?”

“No,” she said from his shoulder. “But you could have… David!”

They looked across the parking lot and saw David and Jasmine approaching. David was in his red hoodie too, but he had on a top hat and a pair of small wire-framed reading glasses and carried a cane. Now that was a lot more towards what Stella had been looking for.

Stella was delighted. Matteo was just happy to see David.

“Put me down!” Stella said, and he did. She rushed over to Jasmine.

“Yeah, man!” Matteo said when David came to him. He threw his arms around David and David laughed. They bounced together to the music and then Matteo kissed him squarely on the mouth, and David’s top hat went askew when the brim of Matteo’s cowboy hat hit it. Someone shot their confetti and it fell around Matteo and David while there were whoops and hollers.

David pulled away, laughing his big laugh, and Matteo’s heart was about to burst. This boy was his, and he belonged to this boy, and to hell what anyone else thought about that.

David fixed the top hat and winked at Matteo.

“Let’s do this!” Jonas yelled. There were cheers from the group, and they headed into the school.

The music continued blaring from someone’s mobile, and they rushed into the classrooms of the younger years, causing complete chaos. There were more hollers and cheers and confetti being thrown everywhere, blasting out of plastic guns and canons. Some daemons waited in the hall, others stuck to their humans, easiest if they were carried, and others joined in the fray.

Stella had a spot of honour riding along on Jasmine, who insisted on going into every classroom. No one was about to stop the large tiger.

They ended up in the room Matteo had most wanted to be in. Entirely for the purpose of a huge fuck-you send off.

The classroom was set up with tables in a semi circle and Edward sat on one end. There was a thudding beat and Carlos was piggybacking on Abdi, while Jonas tossed confetti at them, and people were all around. No one was paying particular attention to any of the students attending the classes. But Matteo did. Just for this moment, he did.

Matteo stopped in front of Edward, pulled a small plastic gun out of his pocket, one he’d been saving, just in case. It was full of bright rainbow coloured confetti.

Matteo shot it in the direction of Edward, not saying anything. But he pulled David into a kiss, right there in front of Edward’s desk. It was solid but quick, not obscene but a kiss. Two dudes kissing.

And that was the last Matteo thought about Edward.

Jasmine roared—happily, Matteo knew—and Stella whooped. Matteo’s friends yelled loudly and there was more confetti around them.

Matteo, though, was focused on David. His boyfriend David. David pulled away from the kiss and smiled widely at him, and lightly pressed his forehead against Matteo’s, before grabbing Matteo’s hand and pulling him from the room.

They all ended up in the foyer, where there were decorations hanging, and music blaring from actual speakers, with a makeshift dance floor.

Matteo knew David had done the pictures of all their classmates, printed out from Instagram or other social media or scavenged from pics that didn’t make it into the yearbook, but all with David’s artistic touch. They reminded Matteo of parts of David’s sketchbook, with his elegant collages, a mixture of styles, but this was more fun and celebratory.

The ones he did for the Abi group all had bright digital colours added to them, and reminded Matteo of an off-beat comic.

As he moved along the wall and looked at all the pictures, Matteo suddenly stopped in spot when he saw one of the four of them. Matteo and Stella, and David and Jasmine. Stella was on Matteo’s shoulder, while Matteo leaned his other shoulder against David. Jasmine was on the other side of David, trying to push her face into the frame too. Stella and Matteo had their tongues sticking out, as did Jasmine, and David was too busy laughing to join them. There wasn’t any additional art to it. It was just them.

This wasn’t a picture that was posted anywhere, Matteo knew. He didn’t even have a copy of it.

“Not bad, huh?” David said, coming up behind Matteo and slipping an arm around his waist. He kissed Matteo’s neck.

“This is from that day,” Matteo said. “Our first day at the park.” The good day at the park. “I don’t have this.”

“He looked at it every day,” Jasmine said, from where she’d come to sit beside them. “When we all weren’t talking.”

“Jasmine,” David said, quietly, sounding a little embarrassed.

Matteo turned quickly in David’s arms, and then kissed him. Because he had to.

“I want a copy of this!” Stella said.

“Okay,” David said against Matteo’s lips. “I’ll send it to you.”

“Oi! Matteo! David!” Jonas called for them.

“Let’s go,” David said, stepping away from Matteo but taking his hands in his. “Let’s celebrate.”

“Celebrate what?” Matteo smirked.

David smiled. “Everything.”

Everyone started dancing and chanting and taking pictures and video. Thankfully Matteo’s phone was fixed so he could record David, his friends, his classmates too. Jasmine and Stella joined many of the other daemons to the side of the dance floor, though Stella had a great time wiggling her long body to the music, and Jasmine’s tail swished around her.

Matteo stuck close to David, arms around him or grinding against him or kissing him in the middle of the beautiful chaos.

**

“Ugh.” David groaned when Matteo poked at his cheek. “Dude, turn off the sun.”

Matteo laughed and pressed a kiss against David’s cheek. They were in Matteo’s bed. It was the Saturday morning—well, afternoon, probably—after the Abi prank.

The night before had been a fun one. A fun and very drunk one.

Matteo hadn’t seen David drink like that before, and it was hilarious. He was relaxed and open and danced up a storm. And incredibly funny.

Hungover David was even funnier, because he was grumpy as hell.

“Stop it,” David complained when Matteo poked his cheek again.

“Stop it,” Matteo mocked in a falsetto voice. David elbowed him hard in the ribs and rolled over.

Matteo threw himself on top of David, who grunted in annoyance. “How is it,” Matteo asked, “that usually I’m the one sleeping but today I’m up and awake before you?”

David didn’t answer but made an annoyed noise.

“This is great!” Matteo said brightly.

“Matteo,” Jasmine said. She was still laying on the large pillow Matteo had bought especially for her. “If you don’t shut up I’ll bite your ankles.”

Matteo laughed. “Okay, okay, I get the point.” He moved to roll out of bed and get Stella from her nest on the chair beside them, but there was a sudden tight grip on the back of his t-shirt.

“You don’t have to leave,” David said. His eyes were still closed and he rolled over so that he was spooned around Matteo, clutching him tightly. “Just shut the hell up.”

Matteo grinned affectionately, and shifted around a little more comfortably. David laid his head against Matteo’s chest and rubbed his cheek against Matteo’s shirt.

“Better?” Matteo asked quietly.

“Better,” David agreed. He was asleep in seconds.

Matteo lay patiently, not sleeping, for a few minutes. He ran his fingers up and down David’s arm, pushing up the shirt sleeve a little as he did. But he was wide awake, had to piss, and was starting to get hungry. When he felt he was able to, he slid out of bed carefully, trying not to wake David. David snuffled against the mattress but continued sleeping.

He got his mobile from beside the sparkling pink pot Stella’s flowers now thrived in, also picked up Stella, and left the room quietly.

After taking a quick shower, he went to the kitchen to riffle through his food. He didn’t have much.

“Shit,” he said. He frowned. “Should I make a quick run?”

“Do not leave that boy in your bed alone, are you stupid?” Stella asked from the kitchen table.

He rolled his eyes. “I’ll come back. I’ll just get some food.”

“Did someone say food?” Jasmine walked into the kitchen. A sleepy David walked in after her, going straight into Matteo’s arms.

“Fooooood,” David mumbled into Matteo’s neck.

“I have nothing,” Matteo said. Both David and Jasmine made disappointed noises.

“But bacon,” Jasmine said.

Matteo blinked down at her. “Bacon?”

“Stella likes fruit,” David said. “Jasmine likes bacon.”

“Fruit!” Stella exclaimed.

“Oh my god,” Matteo said. He tugged at the hair on the back of David’s neck. “Come on. I’m treating the three of you to breakfast. Let’s go.”

There was a round of cheers from human and daemons alike. David grinned when he pulled away from Matteo, and kissed him.

“Food sounds good,” David said. “Then I have to go and see my sister.”

“Okay,” Matteo said. He didn’t want to leave David but knew, realistically, they did need to spend some time apart.

“But,” David added with a grin. “She did mention she was going out later tonight. Late. Like, wouldn’t be home until the early hours of the morning.”

“Oh?” Matteo grinned.

“Want to stay the night with me tonight?” David asked, pressing his lips against Matteo’s neck.

“Like you even need to ask,” Matteo said.

“Okay, stop,” Stella said. “Fruit!”

“Bacon!” Jasmine said.

Matteo groaned but pushed a laughing David away from him. “Okay, okay, let’s go.” He kissed David once more, though. Against his lips, he said, “Later.”

“Later,” David agreed.

**

David opened the door to his flat, and Stella scurried her way in, looking for Jasmine. Matteo immediately cupped David’s cheeks and kissed him. They fell against the wall and David laughed against Matteo’s mouth.

“Shhh,” David said. “My sister.”

Matteo pulled away a fraction. “What?” He glanced around. “I thought—”

“Got you.” David grinned.

“Not funny,” Matteo grumbled, and kissed him again.

“My room?” David said, though he was pushed up against the door and reached back to open it before Matteo answered.

“Yeah, yeah,” Matteo said between kisses. David let go of the doorknob and grabbed at Matteo, pulling him closer. They kissed frantically where they stood.

“No, really,” David eventually said, coming up for air. “My room.”

“Yeah,” Matteo agreed, licking his lips. He moved in to kiss David again but David pushed on his chest.

“We’ll get nowhere if you don’t let me go,” David said. He laughed when Matteo pushed up against him again, sending them back against the door.

“Not letting you go,” Matteo said against David’s neck.

“You don’t have to,” David said. “Except for, maybe, five seconds?”

“Fine,” Matteo said. He let go of David. “Five—four—thr-”

David rolled his eyes and reached back to finally open the door.

“Wait.” Matteo glanced around. “Stella?”

“Oh, right,” David murmured. “Sorry.”

Stella wasn’t in direct sight, which was weird and unusual. With the distance David and Jasmine could take from each other, and Matteo suspected happened more often when they were at home alone and not hanging out with Matteo and Stella, he wasn’t surprised he couldn’t see Jasmine. He just had to find her to find Stella.

Matteo went to the kitchen, and found her and Jasmine curled up on the big pillow that was in the corner for Jasmine.

“Stella?”

“I’m okay,” she said. She lifted her head from where it was rested on Jasmine’s paw. “Are you okay?”

Matteo put his hand on his stomach as if feeling for anything wrong, but there was nothing physically bothering him. There hadn’t been when he was at David’s door either. No tug in his stomach or cramping in his heart.

“I’m okay,” he said.

“Then go get it,” Stella said, and put her head back down. Jasmine snorted.

David came up behind Matteo and put his hand on Matteo’s hip and his chin on Matteo’s shoulder. “All good? They can come in the room if you need—”

“It’s okay,” Stella said. “I’m fine.”

“I’ll bring her to you the second she wants,” Jasmine said. “Or you do.”

Go, Stella said into his mind. I promise, I’m okay. I’m not alone. And neither are you.

If you’re sure, Matteo said.

Are you? Don’t make me change my mind, because I’ll do it! Stella said.

Matteo snorted. “Okay,” he said softly, out loud. “Okay.” He let David walk him backwards down the hall.

They stopped again at the doorway to David’s room. Their kisses were softer this time, going more for reassurance.

“You sure?” David asked quietly, his arms around Matteo’s neck.

“It’s fine,” Matteo said. “There’s no pain, no pull. I’m sure I can go in your room and everything will be fine. Stella is good.”

“Good,” David said. “That’s not what I meant, though. I meant…” He leaned in and kissed Matteo slowly, intimately.

Matteo put his arms around David’s waist and leaned his forehead against David’s. “I’m sure,” Matteo said. “I’m nervous, but I want this. I want you.”

“I’m nervous too,” David said, ever so quietly. “I’ve never done this—never shown someone all of me.”

Matteo kissed him, more firmly, insistently. Trying to relay everything he felt. “I want,” Matteo said against his lips, “all of you. Just the way you are.”

David made some sort of helpless noise, then reached back and finally opened the door to his room. “Then come on,” he said.

He took Matteo’s hand and pulled him in.

Just as he had right from the start.

**

Matteo woke up and knew not too much time had passed since they’d fallen asleep. It was dark out but David’s room still had the faint, soft orange glow from his desk lamp.

He was spooning David, and he snuggled closer to place a kiss between David’s bare shoulder blades. David sighed contently but didn’t wake up.

Matteo had never been happier.

Though, the feeling in his heart, sated and full and loved, was warring with the tug in his stomach that caused slight panic.

Matteo.

Be right there.

He kissed David’s shoulder blades, each one in turn, and then drew back the covers to get out of bed.

“Matteo?” David murmured.

Matteo kissed his shoulder, and then leaned in to kiss David’s cheek. “I need to get Stella.”

“Okay.” David rubbed his face against his pillow and opened his eyes. “Jasmine will come too.”

“I’ll go get them.” Matteo rolled out of bed, pulling on his boxers and a t-shirt, just in case Laura was out there somewhere. He felt better and better as the seconds went on, but he realized why when he opened the bedroom door.

Jasmine was standing right outside of it. He blinked as he saw she carried Stella ever so gently in her maw. Matteo bent down so that Jasmine could drop Stella carefully into his hands.

“Thank you,” Matteo whispered, and then stood. He pulled Stella to his chest and kissed the top of her head. Thank you.

I’m sorry. She was too sleepy to fret but he could tell she was annoyed with herself that she’d bothered him.

You’re perfect, he said to her as he turned to the bed. He caught sight of David in his boxers and pulling a t-shirt over his head, and grinned at him when their eyes met.

“Hi, daemons,” David said, quiet but cheerful.

“Hi, humans,” Jasmine replied.

“Sorry, David,” Stella said.

“No problem at all,” David said. “Really. Neither of you are meant to be away and neither of you have to do that again, if you don’t want.” Jasmine had made her way to David around the side of the bed, and he greeted her with a smile. He bent down to scritch both her ears and rub his forehead against hers.

“See?” Matteo said. “All good.” He got back into the bed, laying on his back, with Stella curled up on his chest.

David got in too, mirroring Matteo and laying on his back. Jasmine stayed on the floor, sitting, but she was big enough that she could rest her head on David’s hip. He stroked his fingers over the top of her head.

“We’re going to need bigger beds,” Matteo said suddenly.

David laughed. “We don’t. I mean, not saying no,” he said quickly when Jasmine huffed. “But she’s okay on her own bed. She’s down there a lot anyway.”

That was weird to Matteo, but then again, it’s not like all humans and daemons were clingy like he and Stella were. They were, maybe, a little outside the norm. He knew Jonas and his owl didn’t sleep curled up, obviously, and Abdi made mention once that Rafida the squirrel liked her own little birdhouse-like hut filled with little blankets that she curled up with.

“Wanna hear the story of when Stella settled?” Matteo asked.

David’s fingers paused on Jasmine’s head. “Only if you want to tell it. If it’s okay with her.”

“Yup,” Stella answered.

“I was ten.”

“Ten?” David asked, surprised.

It was a little early, but not entirely unheard of. Cases of daemons settling early did happen, some as early as eight, or maybe seven. Matteo couldn’t remember. He only knew that, for Stella, that was when it had happened.

“Stella was doing that thing where she was trying out every animal form possible,” Matteo said, running a hand over her back.

David looked at Jasmine affectionately. “I remember that.”

“She always ended up as something small and cute and cuddly,” he said. “It was kind of embarrassing.”

“What else would I be?” Stella said. “I am a fucking delight!”

Jasmine and David both chuckled.

“There was this one weekend, when I was ten,” Matteo said. “My dad was away for work, so of course my mom was the main caregiver.” He paused, reflecting on it.

He hadn’t realized how quiet he went until David gently prompted, “What happened?”

“Nothing much. She slept. All weekend. Or if she was awake, she just stared at the wall. There was nothing I could do or say to get her to get up. I thought she was sick to the stomach or something. I know better now.”

“Oh,” David said.

“I made her a peanut butter sandwich and took it to her but it sat on her side table for days.”

“You know,” Stella said, “we really should have figured things out sooner.”

“And she did get better after Dad got back,” Matteo said. “So I didn’t put it together.”

“You were ten,” Jasmine said. “Of course you didn’t realize.”

“Yeah, I guess.” He could see that signs now, but it was easier in hindsight. “It was really quiet and lonely in the house, even with my mom there,” Matteo said. “Stella turned into a ferret, and did that thing where she draped herself around my neck.” He gestured toward his neck.

David nodded. “Like a scarf.”

“Yeah. And she never turned back. By the end of the weekend, we knew that’s what she was. She wasn’t going to be a fluffy kitten or an adorable little Chihuahua.”

“Thank God,” Jasmine said. “Those are so annoying.”

“Jasmine,” David admonished, tapping her on the head.

“Exactly,” Stella agreed. Matteo rolled his eyes but grinned at her.

“Yes, thank you for that,” he said to her. But, he meant it. He loved how she was. Thank you. “So she decided to be a ferret, and a clingy one too.”

“Like you mind,” she snorted.

“I don’t,” he admitted. They both know it used to be a bit different, before the incident with Mama and Andreas. She used to be more independent, sometimes to the point she was cranky if he tried to carry her. But she always had her moments, her days, where she was stuck to him like glue. Especially when she knew he needed it. It was like that more after that incident.

He pulled her up to his face. She rubbed her nose against the end of his, and then gave it a little lick. She then settled herself into a ball on the pillow, resting against his neck.

“Would you like to know about Jasmine?” David asked.

“I would love to,” Matteo said. “But only if it’s okay with her.”

“Yup,” Jasmine answered.

“I was fourteen,” David said.

“Really?” That was the other side of the scale than Matteo. That was almost late, though there were a percentage of the population that went until early adulthood. Again, not as common, but not unheard of.

“Yeah. It was one of the many things I got teased about,” David said with a sigh. He petted her head again. “It wasn’t her fault, though. We weren’t ready. When we were in public, she tried to stick to one form for as long as she could, so people wouldn’t comment, but she just wasn’t settled. She changed a lot.”

“What kind?” Matteo asked.

“Usually big and ferocious. Wolves. Bears. Lions. A Mastiff or a Great Dane. It was cute when we were younger, but then it started making people nervous sometimes.”

“That was the point,” she said dryly.

“Why didn’t you settle?” Stella asked. “Or, maybe, why did you settle?”

There wasn’t always a reason. Really, a kid got to adolescence and became more themselves, and their daemon grew up too, essentially, and stayed in their permanent form. Not everyone had a story. Most of the time, it just happened when it happened. When the time was right.

“It was the day I got my first shot of testosterone,” David said.

“Ah,” Matteo and Stella said in unison. It made sense. So much sense Matteo almost felt stupid for not guessing it.

Matteo asked, “When did you know?”

“Always,” David said. “When I was born, my parents thought we were one of those really rare pairs, you know?”

“I know,” Matteo said, nodding. David didn’t need to say it out loud, Matteo understood. His parents thought they were a rare same-sex pair. But, no, that wasn’t right. What was right was that David and Jasmine were like everyone one else. David was a boy with a female daemon, and always had been.

“That was just another thing about me that got commented on. But Jasmine and I understood pretty quickly that wasn’t the truth, what they thought. We just didn’t know how to express it for a long time.”

“But you did, eventually,” Matteo said.

“Yeah. My parents—” David trailed off, obviously deep in thought. “Well. They let me take the path I wanted.”

“That’s good,” Matteo said quietly. He understood now, why David didn’t believe in fate. “Free will.”

“Yeah.” David fell quiet and scritched Jasmine’s ears again. “The day I got my first shot, she walked into the doctor’s office as a protective, ferocious tiger. She’s never looked back.”

“A couple of warriors,” Stella said sleepily. “I like that.”

David beamed at her. “Yeah, I guess.”

“I know it,” Matteo said. He helped Stella shuffle around so she was curled near the top of the bed beside the pillow, and he turned on his side to face David.

Jasmine retreated too, withdrawing from David and going to her own bed.

“I hate that you were treated badly,” Matteo said. “But I’m glad you ended up at my school. Is that wrong?”

“No. But we would have met, either way,” David said, curling closer to him.

“You think so?”

“Of course,” David said. “In every universe, remember? That’s fate, right?”

Matteo kissed him to sleep.

**

Light streamed through the gauzy curtains in David’s room. Matteo blinked against it as he woke up slowly, stretching his arms and accidentally bumping into David. David snuffled in his sleep but didn’t wake.

Matteo turned on his side so he faced David and ran his fingers through David’s hair, ever so lightly. Stella stirred at Matteo’s back, and then climbed up to Matteo’s side. From inside the flat, Matteo could hear music playing lowly and sounds from the kitchen. Laura was home and awake and very possibly cooking.

Matteo’s stomach grumbled.

Quietly, Stella said, “Wake them.”

“Let them sleep,” Matteo whispered. “It’s fine.” He cupped her gently and rolled onto his back so she could settle on his stomach more comfortably.

She turned in a circle as if pretending to, but then turned to face David.

“David!” she yelled. “Wake up!”

“Oh my god,” Matteo said, half-horrified, half-amused. He put his hand over her head to shut her up.

She wiggled beneath it. “Don’t you do that! I’m speaking here. David!”

“What?” David said, grumpily. He snuffled into his pillow. “What is going on?”

“Nothing, go back to sleep,” Matteo said.

“No, don’t!” Stella yelled.

“Stella!” Matteo said, yelling at her. “Shut up!”

Jasmine grumbled from somewhere, likely her bed on the floor. “I will murder the both of you.”

“No you won’t!” Stella yelled back. She paced up and down Matteo’s chest. “I’m done will all this laying in bed. Get up, you lazy asses.”

“I am so sorry,” Matteo said, turning his head to David. David was definitely awake now, watching Stella and Matteo with amusement. At least, Matteo hoped that was amusement. He mostly looked annoyed.

“You’re both lucky I love you,” David said, and then shut his eyes again. “Otherwise I would let Jasmine murder you.”

“No you wouldn’t!” Stella said. “David, get up!”

“I love you both too,” Matteo said. “Thank you for putting up with my annoying soul.”

“Hey!” Stella said.

Then, into Matteo’s mind, she said, I want to touch David.

“What,” Matteo said aloud, so shocked he forgot to keep it quiet between the two of them.

David’s eyes opened and he looked confused. “What?”

Stella said, You heard me. Can I?

Matteo’s heart was pounding, and he was suddenly nervous and scared, and also incredibly overwhelmed in a good way.

He murmured to Stella, “Up to him, isn’t it?”

That’s not a no, Stella said.

Not from me, Matteo said. But you’ll have to ask him, and don’t push—

“David,” Stella said, “can I touch you?”

Even though David hadn’t been moving, it was like he froze. Or maybe the world did, just stopped turning for half a second as he considered it.

“I want to,” Stella said. “Can I? I’m going to—”

“Stella,” Matteo said warningly. “Do not push this.”

“But I want—”

“Yes,” David said, quiet. It reflected everything Matteo felt in that moment, how scary and huge and wonderful this was. “If you want,” he added on lamely.

Stella slid off Matteo’s chest to the space on the bed between Matteo and David. There wasn’t a lot of room but she fit without directly bumping into David.

She very deliberately reached out a paw and placed it lightly on David’s bare arm.

Warmth flooded over Matteo, the focal point a wriggling sensation right in the middle of his chest. His breath caught in his throat.

It was gone nearly as soon as it came because Stella had pulled away. It reminded Matteo so much of the first time she’d touched Jasmine’s paw, only this time it was and forever had to be private, and not displayed in front of all their friends. And this, this meant everything.

“You may call me Stellabella,” she said magnanimously. She quickly added on, “But only in front of Matteo.”

“I’m honoured,” David said, sounding a little breathless. His cheeks were flushed pink and his eyes were bright and so happy. “Thank you. Stellabella,” he added on, as if to try it out. As if it was beautiful and precious.

Stella didn’t answer but instead scrambled up Matteo’s chest again. He scooped her so he could place a kiss on the top of her head. The feeling hadn’t entirely faded yet, a pleasant glow in the middle of his chest. Thank you, he said to her.

You’re wel—what the!

The bed jostled when Jasmine jumped onto it, and Stella slipped off the other side of Matteo with the force. He let out a bark of laughter as she landed on the mattress on her head and her little legs flailed around.

“What are you doing?” Stella complained.

“Touching Matteo,” Jasmine answered. “I hope.”

Matteo glanced over in surprise. Jasmine stood on the bed, front paws on either side of David’s shoulders and David shifted to look up at her, her big eyes staring down at him.

“Oh,” David breathed out. He reached up and scratched the underside of her jaw. They must’ve been communicating quietly to each other too, but David suddenly said, “Yes.”

“Matteo?” Jasmine said, turning the intense gaze to him.

“I—yeah,” Matteo said. He couldn’t imagine denying this, what was so precious and sacred. He couldn’t believe she wanted to, not with him, but. “Yes.”

There was a low rumbling noise emitting from her, and for a brief second he thought she was growling at him and maybe really would murder him.

But that wasn’t it.

Stella exclaimed, “Are you purring?”

She was. Jasmine was purring and then she bent down her head and bumped it against Matteo’s forehead, rubbing back and forth ever so gently. He’d seen her do it with David a number of times.

Her fur was incredibly soft.

David gasped loudly.

It lasted maybe five seconds before Jasmine cleanly jumped from the bed, but it was wonderful and loving and made Matteo’s heart expand three times the size.

“Wow,” he whispered, but then laughed at his stupidity. He turned to look at Jasmine and said respectfully, “Thank you.”

“Let’s give them a minute,” Jasmine said to Stella. “David looks like he might pass out.”

Matteo laughed and looked at David, whose face was flushed pink. His hand rested on his chest, fingers curled into the t-shirt, as if trying to keep his heart from beating right out. Matteo understood this.

Jasmine picked up Stella carefully in her mouth but everyone startled when Stella screeched, “Put me down!”

Jasmine dropped her immediately.

“Jesus, Stella, what the hell?” Matteo said, though he didn’t sound very admonishing. He was too happy, and he could feel that Stella was happy too.

“Purring,” Stella grumbled, walking over Matteo’s chest again. “Cute little head rubs, are you kidding me?”

“What is wrong with you?” Matteo asked, grinning. He knew exactly what.

“I will not be outdone, not when it was my idea,” Stella grumbled, and slid to the space on the bed between David and Matteo again. She did not stop there, and made her way so that she climbed up onto David’s chest.

Matteo gasped. It was a lot. So much. And it was the most wonderful thing he’d ever felt. Little bursts of pleasure blossomed in his chest, as if echoing every step she took across David.

David, for his part, was completely frozen, hands hovering in the air as if he didn’t know what to do with them. He lifted his head so he could watch her every step intently.

She stopped right in front of his face, rubbed her nose against his twice, and licked the end of it affectionately.

Then she scrambled off quickly, though she left Matteo entirely breathless with the feeling like he was on the best high in the world. No joint could ever make him feel this good.

She scrambled to the edge of the bed. “Not the mouth,” she said, and Jasmine lowered her head so Stella could climb on. As she turned to the door, Jasmine’s tail quickly flicked, brushing Matteo’s arm and his face. David inhaled deeply.

“Cut it out!” Stella said, even after Jasmine was too far away to do anything else. “This is not a contest.”

“Clearly,” Jasmine said dryly. She yelled, “Laura! Laura, open the door!”

“Please!” Stella yelled, high and squeaky. “Let us out of here!”

A moment later, the door opened, just enough, for Jasmine and Stella to sneak out.

“Leave them, they need a moment,” Jasmine said.

“David’s a lazy ass! Matteo is obviously a bad influence,” Stella complained. Laura’s laughter echoed into the room, and then the door shut quietly.

David and Matteo, for their part, remained on their backs and stared at the ceiling, trying to catch their breath and calm their beating hearts.

“Those fucking daemons,” Matteo said, giddily.

“Going to be the death of us,” David agreed.

They turned together, resting their foreheads against each other’s, fingers linking together. They breathed the same air. Then they both started laughing, almost delirious but in absolute wonderment.

“We are lucky,” Matteo said. “That you love us. We’re the luckiest.”

David kissed him, and this. This was perfection.

**

Their Abiture came and it went.

It was touch and go for a couple days. Matteo tried not to get too low when he was notified he had to resit his Spanish exam. He remembered thinking at the time even his cheat sheet was no help, and he had been right. Stella politely reminded him he’d been in a bad spot at the time. Right on the brink of a serious episode, and who knew, maybe it’d already started.

David helped him study for his resit with tough love—absolutely no dates or kissing or sex or anything until studying had been done.

It worked. Matteo passed his exam, and he got to graduate with his friends. Well, most of them.

The night of the Abiball, David looked hot as hell in his suit and even Stella admitted that, yes, Matteo could pull off his Italian grandpa hat just fine. They’d been named the Abiball Couple of the year—much to Matteo’s dismay, David’s bemusement, Stella’s delight, and Jasmine’s dry, “Of course you are.”

They all approved of giving the crown to Amira.

“Thank you,” Matteo had said, as he placed it carefully on her head. Abasi was cradled in her arms, and she beamed up at him. “Thank you for everything.”

He grinned at her and Stella cheerfully said, “Da Queen!”

It was a great night of drinking and dancing and grinding on each other, and celebrating with their friends.

But now it was over. And now it was time to move on.

**

“Are you sure you have the passes?”

“Yes, Stella,” Matteo said for the third time that morning. He exchanged a glance with David, who grinned. Matteo rolled his eyes. “It’s not like we forgot them anywhere since you asked thirty minutes ago.”

“You could have left them in the bags. What if they get stolen?”

“Then we probably wouldn’t be going anywhere anyway,” David said.

“Oh, we would,” Jasmine said. “We’d make it work.”

The four of them were about to embark on their summer trip. As an Abiture gift, Matteo’s parents had purchased an Interrail pass for him, because neither of them were happy with the thought of him hitchhiking. Plus, hitchhiking with a daemon like Jasmine was not an easy task.

Even if they did plan on trying just a little.

He got the pass with one condition—he was to stop in Italy to visit his father and meet his soon-to-be stepmother. Mama thought it was a good idea. After a couple mobile conversations with Dad, who insisted he wanted to see Matteo and apologized for the way he reacted to Matteo’s news—to which Matteo also apologized to how he reacted to his Dad’s news—they’d reached an agreement. Matteo promised to visit for a couple days. David would be welcome.

And now Matteo had an Interrail pass.

David’s godmother purchased one for him as a gift as well, after hearing about the plans for the trip, also as an Abiture gift. The same condition applied—they were to stop in Fürstenberg for a visit. This was no problem with any of them, all of whom wanted to see her, and also go stargazing. There were wishes for the future to make.

The last condition was that his therapist’s number was programmed on his phone. He was to set aside time to call her every two weeks, no matter what. An in-person appointment would be made as soon as he was home. He made a commitment to her, and to David, and to his mom, and most importantly to himself and Stella, to follow through.

Today, they left for the trip. With one stop in Berlin first.

“They’re not going to get stolen, right?” Stella asked. “Our bags.”

“No,” Matteo and David said in unison.

“Fine, fine,” Stella grumped.

“They’re safely locked in the lockers at the admissions desk.” Matteo pointed to them. “You literally watched me do it three minutes ago.”

“I know!” she said. “I’m just making sure.”

“I know you’re nervous, but you’re going to be fine,” David said calmly. He spoke to her often now, usually quite sweetly. David had quickly become her favourite person in the world. Matteo understood. David smiled at her and said, “It’s okay, Stellabella.”

“Okay, if you say so,” she said, relaxing around Matteo’s neck even more. She now got offended if he didn’t call her that, and didn’t even get mad when he accidentally let it slip in front of Jonas the week before when they were all hanging out at the lake. The look on Jonas’ face had been priceless.

Matteo looked down at Jasmine. “Do you want to take her? She’s driving me bonkers.”

“Great start to the trip,” Jasmine said. She laughed when Stella hit Matteo on the cheek with her little paw in outrage. Then she said to Matteo, “You just want to hug David to get over your own nerves.”

“Well,” Matteo said, who was not that thrilled with this pit-stop on their way out of town. “Fucking right.”

David rolled his eyes, but pursed his lips together.

“Just put me down,” Stella said snappily. She blew a raspberry when Matteo planted an exaggerated kiss onto her head but nosed at his hand affectionately before he stood up straight. Stella and Jasmine did their thing, and Stella rode on her back.

Matteo threw himself at David in an over-the-top hug, nearly knocking them both over.

“Time to go up,” David said, pulling away but tugging on the sleeve of Matteo’s shirt.

Matteo sighed.

He followed David to the line for the elevator, which was going to take them to the top of the TV Tower and to the observation deck. David had gone all out when Matteo had, off hand while drunk with their friends the week before said that, sure, he’d go, and got them skip-the-line passes as an Abi gift for Matteo. It was early in the morning, and they were the only ones in line anyway, having just missed a big group of tourist that went up.

The elevator stopped to let them on.

Jasmine walked on confidently, as did David, and Matteo dragged his feet but got on before the doors closed.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” Matteo grumbled, leaning against David.

“Me neither, honestly.” David grinned his big grin. “I can’t wait to see it.” He drew his hands out in a panoramic vision. “The whole world laid out right before us.”

“You mean Berlin,” Matteo said. “Which we are about to leave.”

“We will see Berlin,” David agreed. “And beyond.”

“For what it’s worth, I can’t believe you’re doing this either,” Jasmine said.

“You came into the dark for us,” Stella said. “We can go up high for you.”

It was the only reason either of them agreed to this, and they both had to remind themselves of it.

“It’s because you love us,” David said.

“True,” Matteo and Stella said in unison.

David grinned, and looked even happier when the elevator dinged, indicating it was time to get off. The door slid open, and Matteo immediately saw the glass windows of the observation deck. The city, and the world, really did lay out before them.

With no hesitation, Jasmine got off the elevator, leading them as usual.

David held out his hand. “Here’s to going on an adventure.”

“And to new beginnings.” Matteo smiled and reached out.

They stepped forward together, hand-in-hand.