Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

As you stood in front of the large, wooden door, you looked over the Gumtree ad on your phone one more time.

room 4 rent

bedroom w/ ensuite
room 4 king bed+furniture
rent includes water+power+internet
200/week

call snas 4 more info

You had called this 'Snas', only to have him laugh right in your ear when he realised he'd spelled his own name wrong in the ad. That aside, he seemed like a pleasant bloke. It was a house closer to the mountains, a big one, with at least 9 other guys, not including himself. He assured you that you would be quite safe, and if you didn't like it there he wouldn't hold it against you. Heh, you were a little desperate for somewhere stable to live, and the price was pretty damn tempting.

Just looking up at the giant, multi-leveled house with such gorgeous gardens, it pretty much cemented your decision. These guys would have to be pretty damn scummy to change your mind.

Knocking 'shave and a haircut', you patiently waited.

A scuffle sounded from deep inside the house, shouting travelling up to where you were stood outside. It steadily got closer, the shill voices finally distinguishable.

"OUT OF MY WAY, PLEBS! I WILL BE THE ONE TO ASSESS THIS NEW HUMAN!"

"BUT YOU GREETED THE LAST ONE AND THEY RAN AWAY SCREAMING! I, THE MAGNIFICENT BLUE, WILL NOT SCARE THEM."

"YOU ARE BOTH WRONG. I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WILL BE THE BEST DOOR GREETER. STAND ASIDE!"

"DON'T YOU STICK YOUR WEIRD HANDS IN MY FACE, YOU GANGLY MAN-CHILD!"

"EDGE, THAT WAS REALLY MEAN!"

"SO WHAT!?"

You couldn't help but chuckle, pressing your hands against the door.

"How about you all come greet me."

Silence.

"THAT IS A GREAT IDEA-OOF! BLUE, DON'T GET UNDER MY FEET!"

"S-SORRY PAPYRUS!"

"IT IS QUITE ALRIGHT, BLUE. NOW, SHOULD WE COUNT TO THREE AND THEN ALL OPEN THE DOOR AT THE SA-"

"JUST OPEN THE GOD DAMNED DOOR ALREADY. I HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO!"

Well, someone didn't get enough sugar on their Wheatbix this morning. You did, probably the reason why you were in as good of a mood as you were.

When the door opened, you could only stare.

There on the threshold stood three flashily dressed Skeleton monsters.

Oh, that was probably why the rent was so cheap. People around this town tended to give the monsters who came out of the mountains a wide berth. It had been years since they came above ground, but people were still being arseholes about it.

"GREETINGS HUMAN! ALLOW US TO WELCOME YOU TO SCENIC OUR HOUSE!" A tall one dressed in orange and yellow boomed. A shorter, more portly one dressed in blues and greys stepped forward, taking your hands into his own gloved ones.

"ARE YOU THE HUMAN WHO IS GOING TO BE MOVING IN WITH US?"

You nodded, keeping your eye on the tallest one. He seemed much more pointy and sinister than the other two, who seemed sweet.

"NYEH! SUCH A PATHETIC, WEAK LOOKING HUMAN. I DOUBT SHE WILL BE ABLE TO HELP OUT MUCH AROUND THE PLACE."

Wow, spikey and with a stick up his arse. You decided to be wary of that one.

"Uh, hey guys. Is Sans home? I told him I would be coming over to take a look at the room an-Woah!" Before you could even finish your sentence, you were tugged inside by the nicer pair.

"WE WILL SHOW YOU AROUND THE HOUSE, SO THAT YOU CAN MAKE AN INFORMED DECISION. HOWEVER, HAVING ALREADY MET ME, IT WILL BE AN EASY DECISION."

You looked up at the tall sweetheart, getting a vibe of misread social cues being a thing. Still, you let him and the shorter Skeleton show you around the house to kill time. Sans apparently wasn't home, even though you both agreed on the same time.. Eh.

You were about halfway through your impromptu tour when the taller one gasped.

"OH GOODNESS! WE HAVEN'T EVEN INTRODUCED OURSELVES! HOW COULD I HAVE MADE SUCH AN UNFORGIVABLE OVERSIGHT?"

You couldn't not giggle at their over the top reactions. "Hey, it's fine. We were all caught up in the moment." You introduced yourself, asking them what their names where, even though they already gave them away before they even opened the door.

The taller went to open his mouth, but was beaten to it by the smaller. "I AM THE MAGNIFICENT BLUE! IT IS A PLEASURE TO MAKE YOUR ACQUAINTANCE."

You gave him a little wave as your smile grew. The other made a quick recovery, posing dramatically with his hand pressed to his chest.

"HRMPH.. AND I AM THE GREAT PAPYRUS!"

"So, Papyrus and Blue. May I ask what the other guy's name was?"

They both looked at each other, before Papyrus answered. "HIS NAME IS EDGE."

"THE 'TERRIBLE AND POWERFUL' EDGE, YOU FORGOT THAT BIT." Blue said in a mocking, sing song voice. Well, seemed you weren't the only one pointy had rubbed the wrong way.

"I take it that he's not a people person?" You asked with a sly grin. Papyrus looked like he was thinking.

"HE'S NOT AN ANYTHING PERSON.. MONSTER.. HE'S NOT VERY NICE."

"NOT EVEN TO HIS OWN BROTHER." Blue added, looking up his nose. "HE'S JUST A BIG MEANY BONES."

Your hand shot up to your face to stifle the snort that came out. God, this guy was too freaking cute. "Holy shit."

They both looked at you with raised browbones when you swore. Papyrus said something about a swear jar, and it just made you want to laugh harder. You were struggling enough as it was without picturing potty-mouthed skeletons running amok.

The three of you made your way around the various rooms, stopping in front of one at the very middle of the hall.

"THIS WILL BE YOUR ROOM, HUMAN. IT WAS EMPTY, SO BLUE AND I HAVE PUT UP SOME POSTERS AND SET UP SOME OF OUR BATTLE FIGURINES TO MAKE IT LOOK AND FEEL MORE COZY." Papyrus opened the door with a flourish, stepping forward at the same time as Blue, creating a bony blockage in the doorway. Once they had worked out loudly who would go in first, you followed close behind.

Holy shit, the room is fucking huge!

"SWEAR JAR!" Blue chirped, and you realised you had said that out loud. Whoops.

"Sorry, It's just so much bigger than I thought it was going to be.. Heh, I like the posters." Around the four walls were various posters, mostly of Mettaton the superstar Robot. There was another robot looking monster in the other posters, but for the life of you, you couldn't seem to place them. "Who is that in that picture there?"

Blue stepped forward, looking like you had just told him his pet had died. "YOU DON'T KNOW WHO NAPSTATON IS? HAVE YOU BEEN LIVING UNDER A ROCK?"

Papyrus bent down and stage whispered something into the shorter skeleton's earhole. As soon as he did that, Blue looked apologetic.

"I'M SORRY, I FORGOT THAT THIS UNIVERSE ONLY HAS METTATON. FORGIVE MY OUTBURST. I KEEP FORGETTING."

You accepted his apology, asking again who he was. Blue explained how he was the Mattaton of his own universe. You were smiling a nodding along, when something odd struck you.

"Wait.. What do you mean 'your universe'?"

"I- OH.. OH NO! WE WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THE UNIVERSES!" Blue panicked, grabbing the sides of his skull. "AND I WENT AND TOLD A HUMAN, OF ALL THINGS! OH STARS!"

He was starting to hyperventilate. Without any lungs, you weren't sure how, but you had to try and calm him down. Papyrus was already bent down to his level, speaking softly to him.

You kneeled down so that you were sitting lower than he was. "Hey, Blue, it's okay. I'm not going to ask any questions, and I wont pry. You don't have to worry. I'm not going to tell anyone, okay? You have my word."

He looked down at you through tear filled eye eyesockets, seemingly starting to calm down. A giant sob wracked his body, as well as a hiccup. You were trying desperately to not giggle.

"TH-THANK YOU. I P-P-PROMISED MY BROTHER AND SANS AND RED AND RUSS AND MUTT THAT WOULDN'T SAY ANYTHING.. I'VE LET THEM ALL DOWN.."

Papyrus stood back up to his full height, but you stayed down on your haunches.

"BLUE, IT'S NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL. SANS AND THE OTHERS JUST WANT TO LIMIT THOSE WHO KNOW. NOT FLAT OUT NOT TELL ANYONE. I'M SURE YOU'RE FINE."

"I GUESS SO." Blue sighed. "I'M SUCH A BLABBERMOUTH SOMETIMES.."

"who's a blabbermo-ooh, heeey kitten."

You all looked over to the door, and there stood another short skeleton. He was dressed up in similar colours to Edge, but looked more like Blue, bar for his red eyelights and sharp looking teeth. The gold tooth sitting in his maw only made him look even more sleazy than at first glance.

"Excuse me?" You started, but gasped when he went from the door to right in your face in a blink.

"who's ya friend, boys? dun think i've seen such a pretty face 'round here before." He licked across his teeth with a long, translucent red tongue, waggling his brow bones as you just gawked. No way this guy was for real, and it made you snort with laughter. He didn't seem to take that well at all.

"wha' th' fuck is yer issue, bitch?"

Bitch? No. Nope. As nice as Blue and Papyrus were, there was no way you were going to be in the same house as this cretin.. Oh, but the room was so nice, and so cheep.

Ugh. You'd have to talk to Sans about him if you were to stay.

"RED! DON'T BE SO CRUDE!" Papyrus spoke up, before introducing you.

Blue seemed to stand a little taller, adding in. "SHE IS GOING TO BE LIVING WITH US."

His eyelights shrunk a little as he eyed you, still stuck in a crouch in front of Blue from calming him down.

"well well well.. sans didn't mention ya'd be such a nice li'l thing t' look at. heh.. heh.."

"Speaking of Sans." You said, standing back up to your full height, watching the monster before you's expression change once you were looking down on him. "Where is he. We organised this time to meet, and he's not even here."

"OH! SANS IS OUT GETTING LUNCH FOR EVERYONE!" Papyrus said loudly. "BUT HE SHOULD BE BACK VERY SOON."

"until then, i can be sans fer ya, babydoll." Red smirked, albeit looking at you a little differently since you were standing over him.

Blue sighed, gripping his nasal bone in his gloved fingers. "CAN YOU NOT BE A PERVERT FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE?"

"where's th' fun in tha?"

"So, if I decide to live here, is this the level of sleaze I should expect from you, Red?" You asked, your hands on your hips as you looked at him with a single raised brow. He scoffed, folding his arms defensively across his chest and sneering.

"ya got a problem with me, sweetheart?" The way he enunciated the pet name oozed disdain for having his shitty attitude called out. "an 'ere i was bein' a gentleman."

Papyrus put a hand up, like he was about to ask a question. "TO BE FAIR, HE IS USUALLY MUCH MORE GROSS THAN THIS WHEN TALKING TO WOMEN."

Red sent the tall skeleton a glare before locking eyes with you again.

"if yer gonna be livin' under my roof, sugartits, ya gonna have t' get used t' me. heh. have fun, boys. i'm off t' grillby's."

With that said, he threw up an arm and vanished. You would have expected there to be a smoke cloud, but nothing. Boy, that wasn't unsettling at all.

You felt something tug at your shirt, looking down to find Blue staring hard at where Red had been just seconds before. "I APOLOGISE FOR RED'S DISGUSTING BEHAVIOR. P-PLEASE DON'T LEAVE BECAUSE OF HIM! I CAN KEEP YOU SAFE FROM HIS, UGH, ADVANCES."

You had to smile at how offended Blue sounded at the other skeleton. Hmm, maybe it wouldn't be so bad, if you had someone like Blue around to keep you safe from pervy sharktooth.

"After meeting you two, it's gonna take more than that to get me to leave. So, you were saying something before about the concert you recently both went to?"

That got them both talking again, excitedly and with much gesticulation while you made your way back downstairs to the lounge. You were admittedly only half listening as they dissolved into a lighthearted argument about who had better arms out of Mettaton and Napstaton. The lounge was quite spacious, filled with a mish mash of different furniture. Various couches and sofa chairs littered the room, all circled around a giant TV and entertainment area. You were standing at the very front, about to sit down on the nearest couch, when you heard a wheezy laugh from under you.

"heh, if you wanna sit on my lap babe, least let me take you out t' dinner first."

The sound that came out of you was unholy, spinning to face the lanky skeleton in an orange hoodie sat back on the sofa you were about to sit on. He winced. "wow, gonna wake the dead if you're gonna be that loud. didn't mean to make you jump outta your skin."

"BROTHER!" Blue ran over with his hands on his hips, while you stood with your hand over your heavily beating heart. "DON'T SCARE OUR NEW HOUSEMATE!"

The lazy looking skeleton, Blue's brother, looked up at you with a crooked smile. "new housemate, huh? she met red yet?"

"I have, actually." You said, still a little winded. "He seems.. Overly friendly."

Blue shuddered, making his brother chuckle again. Smoker's laugh for sure. "heh, an' you still wanna move in here? brave girl. oh, name's stretch." He lifted a hand towards you, and you shook it.

*PFFFFFFRRRRTTTTTT*

"... BROTHER!! THAT WAS DISGUSTING AND UNCALLED FO-"

You cracked up, your hand still in his as the whoopie cushion finished deflating with a pathetic hiss. "Oh my god! That was fucking hilarious!"

"SWEAR JAR!" Papyrus called from the other room. It was enough to get you laughing again. Slowly you let go of Stretch's hand, watching through tear soaked lashes as he slipped it back into the pocket of his hoodie.

"glad to finally meet someone who appreciates the classics." He drawled, looking at you as Blue burned holes into his skull with his unimpressed glare. "bro, can you stop givin' me the temporal third degree?"

"WHY ARE YOU THE WAY YOU ARE?" Blue finally sighed, smiling as he turned to look at you. "SANS SHOULD BE BACK WITHIN THE HOUR. WOULD YOU LIKE TO WATCH SOME NAPSTATON WITH ME?"

"Oh, uh, sure." The look Stretch was giving you was a little disconcerting, but it was gone quickly, replaced with a lazy smile.

"whelp, if you guys are gonna do that, i'm gonna go out for a smoke. you smoke?"

"Only if I don't use enough lube- Uhh.." You joked, instantly regretting your bad sense of humor, and even crappier sense of timing. Blue looked confused for a moment, but then he looked mortified. Stretch straight up cackled, his laughter interspersed with hacking coughs.

"h-holy shit! that was fuckin' funny!" He eventually huffed. Another ring of "SWEAR JAR!" echoed through the room.

"Sorry, I forgot where I was." You mumbled, looking down at Blue and his blushed face. "Sorry Blue."

Stretch stood up, placing a hand on your shoulder. He was taller than Papyrus, but not quite as tall as Edge. It must have been the high heeled boots. "don't be, darlin', i needed that laugh. been so bored lately. nah, i think you'll fit in just fine here."

With that, he disappeared in the same manner that Red did before. You glanced at Blue, who was looking a little less flustered by now.

"TELEPORTING. SOME OF THE HOUSEHOLD CAN DO IT."

"Oh, that makes sense, I guess." You shrugged. At least it wasn't you seeing things. A faint smell of weed filled your nostrils as you sat down where Stretch had been. Blue seemed to not notice as he flopped down to his knees in front of the entertainment unit to shuffle through the various DVDs kept there. It did look pretty chockas, various glittery and holographic covers glinted as he moved them around looking for the one he wanted.

"AHA! HERE IT IS. THIS IS ONE OF MY BIG FAVOURITES!"

He got back up and hopped over, shoving the DVD case right into your face in his fervor to show you. You jolted back and gently took it from him. So, this was Napstaton, huh? He looked like a blue, DJ version of Mettaton. Your interest was certainly piqued.

Half an hour later, you were the only one watching, and quite uncomfortably. Blue had at some point dozed off, and was now laid out across your lap, snorting in his sleep. You didn't want to wake him, his eyelids fluttering as he maybe dreamed? God, he was like a puppy, and you didn't have the heart.

Maybe you should? He'd probably be embarrassed that he'd conked out across your legs.

You were sat weighing your options, when a hand came to rest on your shoulder, and thankfully you didn't jump.

"kiddo passed out while watchin' ntt? heh, must feel pretty safe around ya."

You craned your neck to look over the back of the couch at the newest skeleton. He wore a lazy, lidded smile, his hand still pressed against your shoulder as he studied your face.

"Sans?"

He smirked, finally pulling the hand back to lean on the back of the couch on his folded arms. "yep. sorry i wasn't home. had to go get food and then i remembered you were coming over, so i messaged my bro to tell you. he did tell you, right?"

You sent him a sheepish smile. "Uh, which one is your brother?"

He seemed a little confused, before snorting, rolling the lights in his eyesockets at himself. "heh, papyrus. tall, loud."

"Oh! Yeah, Papyrus said you'd gone to get lunch."

He nodded, glad that it was cleared up. "so, you've met blue n' paps. who else have you met?"

"Uh.. Edge, Red and Stretch?"

He sucked in a sharp breath through his teeth. "ah, so ya met the fell brothers, an' yer still here? I'm actually kinda surprised."

You had to laugh, jolting poor Blue a little in his sleep. He didn't wake, only rolled onto his side so that he was faced right into your crotch. "Uhhhh.."

"he's harmless." Sans muttered, his smile dropping for a millisecond before he looked back at you. "i'm gonna assume that edge tried to be all tsundere and red tried to hit on ya?"

"You'd be bloody spot on, Sans." You said, watching him pull a face. "Is Red usually that much of a sleazebag, or am I just something special."

You gave him a wink, but all it seemed to do was make him blush.

"h-heh, nah, he's just a pig. brilliant scientist, but an absolute jerkwad.. did ya see the room?"

You slowly turned where you sat, making sure not to disturb Blue. "Yeah, it's amazing! I gotta ask, why such a low rent?"

He eyed you skeptically, making you falter a little. Quick to break the sudden tension with a smile, he shrugged.

"well, not many humans wanna lodge with a bunch'a monsters. even less wanna lodge with the sorry bunch here. ya already seen the fell bro's. they might be the most grating of us, but, uh, they're not the most.. ehem.. perverted."

Your eyebrows shot up as he stumbled over an explanation.

"oh, ya got nothin' to worry 'bout, just some'a the other housemates are kinda unconventional.. geez, i'm not doin' a good job of sellin' this, am i?"

You snorted. "No, you're really not.. I'm actually really liking this place though, and most of the company." You ran your hand across Blue's skull, listening to him snuff in his sleep. "Blue and Papyrus have really won me over, and Stretch seems like a cool guy. You seem alright as well, Snas." You looked up with the cheekiest grin you could muster.

"aw man, i'm not gonna live that down, am i?" He let his forehead fall, his shoulders shaking as he laughed. It was enough to finally rouse Blue from sleep, his face burning bright cyan when he realised the position he was in.

"OH.. OH! D-DID I FALL ASLEEP? I'M SORRY! I DIDN'T MEAN TO INTRUDE IN YOUR PERSONAL BUBBLE!" He stammered, sitting bolt upright now as you and Sans exchanged a look.

"Don't worry about it, Blue. You looked so peaceful, I didn't wanna wake you."

He seemed to relax a little. "O-OH.. RIGHT.. TH-THANK YOU."

"hey, blue, ya reckon she would be a good pick for livin' here?" Sans asked. Blue shot up stiff again, but this time with a huge smile on his face.

"YES! SHE ALREADY LIKES HER ROOM, AND SHE'S BEEN SO NICE TO PAPY AND I."

You couldn't help but smile too, it was completely infectious. "Aw, Blue."

Sans cleared his throat. Somehow. "well, guess all there is to do now is sign the paperwork, and we can start gettin' ya moved in, ey?"

You looked between the two skeletons, grinning like an idiot.

"Sounds like a plan."

Chapter Text

So there you were, standing next to your car, the backseat and boot filled with your belongings as you gazed up at your new home. You'd signed the paperwork for Sans, already having paid your first month in advance. He was giving you a week or so free to move in all your shit, and to meet up with the rest of your housemates. You were maybe a little apprehensive about them.. But they couldn't be worse than Red and Edge, could they?

"got'a light?"

You jumped a little, looking up, expecting to see Stretch again, but instead you were met with gold fangs. The tall skeleton raising a cracked up brow at your stare. "y' right there, lady?"

"Oh, shit, yeah, sorry. I was expecting Stretch." You chuckled, opening your car door and grabbing a lighter for him. He smiled, picking it from your fingers to light.. A dog treat?

"nyeh heh, thanks darl'. yeah, people ten' t' get us all mixed up. i'm th’ handsome one~" Aaand he winked at you, a rush of heat hitting your cheeks, which his eyelights seemed to go straight to.

"I'm not going to pick favourites, you're both handsome." You smiled up at him, giving awkward fingerguns as he chuckled. His voice was raspier, come to think of it. Still eerily similar.

"aw, shucks love, i'll take that." He snorted, grinning, those dangerous looking canines gleaming in the light. He took a long drag of the treat, exhaling oddly not-dogtreat-smelling smoke. "name's mutt."

You looked up, a little taken aback by the name.. Nickname? You politely introduced yourself. "It's nice to meet you, Mutt."

"movin' day, huh? y' wan'a hand with all that?" He lazily gestured back to your packed car, and you sheepishly nodded.

"Yeah, that would be really great of yo-"

"i'll go see if anyone wan's t'." Mutt took another long drag of the treat, before dropping it and butting it out with his heel, wandering back towards the house only to blip out halfway.

... Ookaaaay.

Oh well. You shrugged it off, opening the back door, starting to pick up a box, when someone screamed right behind you in a shrill, loud voice. "HUMAN!"

*Thud*

"Ow! Fuckity shit balls!" You rubbed your poor noggin, your vision going a little blurry for a second. Your first immediate thought was 'Swear jar', the second to turn around and see who had just yelled. Oh, another skeleton. He was shorter than any of the ones you had met so far, one of his sockets scarred, his eyelights faded red stars. His teeth sharp, like Red's, but all present.

"YOU WILL GO PUT AT LEAST THREE DOLLARS IN THE JAR FOR THAT ONE. MOVE!" He hip-checked you out of the way, which actually stung with those sharp little hips of his, and he grabbed the box, carrying it inside with his 'nose' haughtily stuck up in the air. He was your help, apparently?

"Uh, thank you?"

He was already heading in the front door. Attitude aside, at least he was helping you? You were confused, the bang to your poor skull only exacerbating that.

With a sigh and a soft groan, you gathered up another box into your arms, following along after him. Geez, you don't remember this box being so freaking heavy.

The foyer was empty, the sound of TV coming from the lounge, and some chatter from the kitchen across from it. You decided to go say hello, putting the box down before peeking in. Another pair of skeletons were stood in there, one making what smelled like grilled cheese as the other leaned against the center island. He was the first to notice you, even though he seemed to only have one eye. The other covered with a patch. He smirked, waving lazily. The shorter followed his gaze, turning almost in a complete circle before his mismatched purple and white eyelights fell on you. He grinned, stepping away from the food for a moment, walking right over to you.

"HELLO THERE, HUMAN. YOU'RE THE ONE MOVING IN, IS THAT RIGHT?"

"Heh, yep. Just bringing my stuff in now.. Uh, I don't know the name of the guy who's helping me." You admitted sheepishly, the taller patched skeleton chuckling.

"going by the angery footsteps, that would be razz. he's an asshole, but it's kind of endearing. nyeh heh. russ. this is my brother-"

"GREY, A PLEASURE TO MAKE YOUR ACQUAINTANCE." Aaaaand he just kissed the back of your hand, like a freaking smooth operator. You felt your face heat again, Russ chuckling a little louder.

You stammered your own name, internally wincing at that. "I-It's nice to meet you both."

"YOU HAD TO TRAVEL FROM THE CITY, YES? THAT WOULD BE A BIT OF A LONG TRIP. ARE YOU HUNGRY?"

Your stomach chose such a perfect moment to make a horrific sounding gurgle, the expressions of the two monster's ones of uncertainty. "Eh heh heh, uh, yeah, I guess I a-Eep!"

The smaller had directed you right over to the table, sitting you down and grabbing you a coaster and a glass, running about gathering more bread and cheese. Russ wandered over to the fridge when Grey had gotten stuck into cooking, pulling out a few choices of drinks, lazily offering. You decided to go with milk.

"nice choice. good for growing bones."

"I think all of my bones have finished growing by now." You joked, his crooked grin letting you know you hadn't offended.

He opened his mouth to speak, when Grey spoke up over him. "DON'T YOU DARE MAKE A BONER JOKE."

"i wasn't going to." He said, but mouthed 'i was totally gonna' with a wink. "come on, bro, you know my humour is classier than that."

"NO, IT REALLY ISN'T." There was a hint of amusement to his voice, so you assumed that this was just banter. Russ poured a glass of milk for you, and Grey came over to deposit the tastiest looking grilled cheese you'd probably ever seen right onto your plate. "BON APPETIT."

"bone appetite." Russ echoed, Grey slowly looking up to glare at him.

"NO." The smaller deadpanned.

You found yourself giggling at the exchange which, going by the smiles now on their faces, was a good thing.

You all looked over towards to door when you heard talking.

"sup razz, helping the human, i see."

"SHE LEFT ME TO DO IT ALL, WHAT AN UNGRATEFUL LITTLE BI-AH.."

"yeah, try not t' scare her off, will ya? she's a nice girl, and i want her to feel comfortable here. i'm sure she just got pulled away by one of the others. see? she's in the kitchen." Sans' calm cool voice drifted closer, the box you had left next to the door giving a rattle, before the door itself opened. Sans sent you a smile, as Razz looked annoyed behind him, another of your boxes in his arms.

"Oh, sorry Razz. Grey and Russ distracted me with good food." You giggled, swearing that Grey stood a little taller, while Razz's sockets closed a little more. The smaller red eyed skeleton huffed, muttering about waiting until you tasted his culinary excellence, stomping away to deliver another box to your room. Sans just laughed.

"once y' done with food, maybe give him a hand."

You nodded, and he smiled, pushing himself off the door frame where he'd leaned himself on, and wandering off with a cheery whistle.

"YOU CAN RETURN TO YOUR MEAL AT A LATER TIME, IF YOU WISH. MONSTER FOOD WILL STAY WARM."

Wait, Monster food?

You'd said that out loud.

"yep. only difference really is that it stays hot or cold, unless you forcibly cool or heat it in a fridge or oven, and that it doesn't go off." Russ explained. You were just in awe.

"So if I were to leave this here for hours, it would still be nice and hot and melty?"

"YES. BUT IT MIGHT ALSO GET EATEN BY SOMEONE ELSE, SO BE CAREFUL. WE HAVE A CUPBOARD TO KEEP FOOD WHICH ISN'T THE FRIDGE. I'LL PUT IT IN THERE FOR YOU AND YOU CAN HAVE THE REST LATER."

You had a few more big bites, before letting him. With a grateful thanks to them both, and a see you in a bit, you headed back out to the hall, picking up the box and heading on up.

Razz was coming out of your room as you walked over. "hey, sorry about that. I didn't mean to leave you with the unpacking, Razz."

"HMPH, I SUPPOSE IT IS ALRIGHT." He seemed a little less fiery. "BUT YOU CAN DO THE LAST BOX AFTER THAT ONE."

"Wait, you unpacked everything else? I hadn't unlocked the boo-"

"YOU LEFT YOUR KEYS IN THE IGNITION. DON'T DO THAT. SOMEONE MIGHT STEAL YOUR CAR."

Oof, yeah. That was a little dumb. "Guess I was distracted."

"YOUR ENEMIES WILL LOOK FOR ANY FOOTHOLDS THEY CAN. YOU HAVE TO REMAIN VIGILANT, HUMAN." He snapped, waving a bony finger at you. Wow, okay. That was a bit harsh.

"My.. Enemies?"

"OH MY GOD, ANYONE WHO WOULD WANT TO HARM OR TAKE FROM YOU. JESUS, YOU HUMANS HAVE NEXT TO NO SENSE OF FUCKING SELF PRESERVATION. DON'T COME CRYING TO ME WHEN YOUR FUCKING CAR IS GONE!" With that, he held his head up high and stormed off to what you assumed was his own room. Okay, that was.. A little over the top?

At least you assumed it to be coming from a good place, just.. Guy must be fun at parties.

"m'lord is righ'."

"AHH!" You screamed, turning heel to face Mutt again. He only seemed amused at your reaction. Blue and Papyrus stormed out of their rooms, coming over as you pressed the heel of your palm into your chest.

"ARE YOU ALRIGHT?"

"WHY DID YOU SCREAM?"

"MUTT, DON'T SCARE HER!"

Mutt snorted, laughing with a raspy hacking cough. "ohh, lordy."

"MUTT, YOU SHOULD APOLOGISE." Blue stood up tall, hands on hips, glaring up at the wolfish skeleton.

"fuck off, shortstack. i don' have t' apologise t' her f'r anythin'."

"IT WOULD BE POLITE?" Papyrus offered, getting a derisive snort in return. You couldn't take seeing the two sweetpeas being treated like that.

"Don't worry about it, guys. He can feel good about himself all he wants." Your first impressions of Mutt betrayed what an absolute twat he really was. He laughed more, wandering off to his own room.

"THEY NEED TO BE NICER. A MONSTER IS MADE OF COMPASSION AND KINDNESS. THEY MUST BE ROTTEN." Blue huffed, before gently hugging you. "I'LL APOLOGISE ON HIS BEHALF."

"It's okay, Blue. I know to avoid him now.. Say, wanna walk with me to my car to grab my last box of stu-Blue!" He'd darted off, eager to help. Papyrus walked with you, and you found Blue at your car, looking into the window of it.

"IT'S LOCKED."

"Razz probably locked it u- Oh.. Oh, that little shit!"

"WHAT'S WRONG?" Paps rubbed his gloved hands together, worried by your outburst.

Your keys were sitting on the passenger seat. Of your locked car.

You tried all of the doors and the boot. All of them shut up tight. Ugggh! Just how you wanted to spend what little paycheck you had left after rent.

"WAIT, I'LL GO SEE IF STRETCH IS AROUND." Blue called as he ran back in, Papyrus similarly heading off to go find Sans.

This was just great. Both Razz and Mutt were assholes. You slid down the side of your car to the ground. Now you were worried about your things. Had Razz done anything to them? Ugh..

"HUMAN."

Great, just great. "Hello Edge."

He huffed, probably hoping to have been able to introduce himself as the 'terrible and powerful'. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING SITTING IN THE DIRT LIKE AN UNCULTURED ANIMAL?"

Sigh. "Razz locked my keys in my car.."

To be honest, you were expecting him to just laugh at you, say you deserved it or something equally as nasty. You were not expecting him to growl. "WHAT A PATHETIC LITTLE PEACOCK. OH, I'LL LOCK THE CAR SO THE HUMAN CAN'T GET IN." He said in a mocking tone. "WHAT A DICK MOVE. MOVE ASIDE, HUMAN. I WILL UNLOCK YOUR CAR FOR YOU."

"Oh! Really? Thank you edge I was- Ah, no, wait!" He had a sharp looking bone in his hand, ready to strike the actual lock mechanism, before it flew backwards into the air behind you both.

"WHAT THE FU-RED! DON'T FUCKING DO THAT!"

Red looked like he was about to have a small conniption, sweating bullets. "y' can't open a car like tha', y' gonna fuckin' break it!"

"I KNOW HOW TO UNLOCK A CAR, ARSEHOLE!" Edge snapped, and all you could do was look between them in a dazed sort of state.

Red blipped over, looking in to see the keys on the chair. He looked at you, then at the keys, before snorting.

"I didn't do it! Razz did!"

That wiped the smirk off his face, turning it into a frown. "th' fuck is his problem? hold up a sec, i c'n fix this."

You were about to say not to break anything, when you were stopped in your tracks. Your keys were floating inside the car, heading over to the steering column, as he inserted them into the ignition and turned the car on enough to get the power windows working. Once he'd done that, they floated out through the crack, to be dangled before you. You picked them out of the air, looking them over and then looking at Red with a huge smile on your face. "Thank you Red. That was really kind of you."

"pfft, wha'ever. don't ge' used t' it." He shoved his hands in his jacket, looking down and away. You looked to your keys again, your own smirk growing, before you stepped closer, leaning down and placing a kiss to the top of his head. Ew, it was damp.

He seemed to freeze, his body going rigid, and a red colour bloomed up his cheeks. He vanished from the spot, and it made you feel a little bad.

"HOW COME HE GETS A KISS?"

You looked up at spikey mcyellsalot. "Would you like one to-"

"OF COURSE NOT! WHY WOULD I WANT YOUR GROSS HUMAN LIPS ON MY BONES." With that he stormed off. These boys were all kinds of confusing.

Hey, at least you had your keys back. You took the last box out, locked everything up yourself, and were on your way in when Sans, Papyrus, Blue and Stretch appeared. Sans and Stretch seemed a tad pissed off with Razz, and moreso when you told them everything their brothers hadn't.

"don't worry kiddo, i'll have words with them both." Sans assured you, but you didn't want to be the cause of shit between them all. Again he reassured you everything would be fine, and you let it go. Papyrus and Blue helped you with the box, heading back up to your room, leaving Sans and Stretch outside where they looked to be chatting.

Thankfully everything was accounted for, and as far as you could see, nothing had been messed with. Paps and Blue stayed to keep you company while you finally started to unpack. They asked questions about interesting things you owned, and just in general were pleasant to sit and chill with.

You looked at one of the boxes you'd brought, trying to discreetly shove it under the bed for later, hoping neither of them would notice and-

"WHAT'S IN THAT BOX?"

... Damnit. You felt colour hit your cheeks, trying to brush it off. "Human stuff, uh.. Private stuff."

They looked at each other and you, before Blue seemed to gently flush his name sake, mouthing an over the top 'OH'. Papyrus, oh sweet Papyrus, he didn't seem to catch on as quickly, but thankfully didn't press on. He shrugged, and you all went back to just chatting. Chatting as you folded up your clothes again and put them away in the closet. It had built in drawers, so that was a plus. They even took things into your bathroom for you to save walking. Hell, you would stay here just for these two sweetie pies, and maybe for Sans and Stretch, and Russ and Grey. They seemed sweet too. As gross as Red was, and as harsh as Edge tried to be, at least today you saw that they weren't as bad as they seemed.. The last pair, however. Yeah, not gonna lie, you really didn't like Razz and Mutt. Apparently they didn't really mingle, according to Blue and Pap, so at least there was that.

At some point, Grey brought up your grilled cheese, wanting you to eat to keep your strength up. Aw, add him into the sweetie pile. You chowed it down, asking him what the deal with cooking and grocery was. Was there a roster, or was it just whims.

"WE DO HAVE A VERY BAREBONES SORT OF ROSTER. SHUSH, THAT WAS A PUN, I KNOW." He sighed with a smile as Blue went to point it out. "MOST OF THE TIME COOKING FALLS TO EITHER MYSELF OR THESE TWO. SAME WITH GROCERY SHOPPING."

"Well I can help with both. I'm not a master chef, but I'm not too bad of a cook, I guess. I can also do shopping, if there's a list."

"THAT WOULD BE A BIG HELP." Grey nodded. "I TRY AND STOCK TAKE AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK. I WILL GIVE YOU A CARD TO USE TO BUY THE FOOD."

"Oof, yeah, I was gonna say. I don't make that much." You giggled, rubbing the back of your neck.

"WE DO A POOL FOR THINGS LIKE FOOD AND MAINTENANCE. YOU'RE FREE TO CONTRIBUTE WHEN YOU CAN, BUT NO PRESSURE. WE SHOULD BE FINE FOR A FAIR WHILE." Grey smiled, showing off sharp teeth. They were similar to Razz's, but his smile was softer, more genuine. Happier. It was a harsh contrast. He seemed a little 'edgy', but not arsehole edgy, if that made sense. He took your plate back when you were done, and took his leave.

You ended up spending the rest of the daylight hours unpacking, before the call for dinner went out. You had worked off the grilled cheese by then, and all three of you had worked up an appetite.

The house had a large dining hall, with a long wooden table. There was plenty of room for everyone, plus some. Heading in, you sort of took a seat down one end, only to be called up closer.

Everyone seemed at some level of uneasy. The only ones not at the table were Grey and Edge. Even Sans was glancing to the doors with slight trepidation in his gaze. You crossed your hands over each other, looking around. "So, uh.. What's for dinner?"

"are you adverse to vinegar?"

You looked over at Stretch, unsure of what to say. Before you could say anything, Edge came walking in, brandishing a big metal oven tray. Grey walked in behind him, looking annoyed and uneasy.

"DINNER IS SERVED."

Edge put it down, revealing a really tasty looking lasagna. Your mouth almost started watering at the sight. You were so focused on it, that you didn't notice the passed looks and sucked in breaths.

"Edge, it looks great."

"don't speak too soon.." Sans murmured, and you turned to look, as Edge cut a sizable piece and put it onto your plate. Oh! You looked down, marveling at just how good it looked.

That's when the smell hit you.

It smelled like, well, vinegar. Vinegar, parmesan and garlic. Oh..

You were suddenly not that hungry.

"Uhhh.." You picked up your fork, the others all looking at you with a mix of nervous smiles and curiosity. Were you really going to..

Don't be rude, it looked like Edge worked hard on it.

You cut off a corner bit, trying not to breathe in through your nose, but even mouthbreathing you could taste it in the air. Here goes nothing..

You took the bite, and oh lord that's a lot of vinegar. You could almost feel the inner lining of your head coming away from everything to pucker. It was almost setting your gag reflex off! Still, you powered through it, chewing and swallowing. Geez, the looks of absolute awe the others were giving you. Even Razz and Mutt were impressed.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MY CULINARY APTITUDE?" Edge near demanded an answer of you, and you actually found yourself cutting off and eating another bite, the second not as bad as the first. Maybe it was all of your olfactory giving up the ghost, but.. It was somehow bearable. Slightly more palatable.

"It's pretty good Edge. Thank you for making my homecoming dinner." You smiled up at him, Red actually spluttering.

"OF COURSE IT IS. MY MEALS ARE FAR SUPERIOR TO ANY THESE INGRATES COULD EVEN DREAM OF PREPARING."

"easy, edgy boy. don't burrow too far up your own ass, we may lose ya." Stretch chuckled, earning a glare.

You used the excuse that you were full from before as to why you didn't eat all of the massive chunk you'd been served, Edge saying he would put it in the cupboard for later. Sans texting you to say he'd pitch it later. Still, you'd made a decent dent, and that had them all amazed.

It wasn't until a little while later that your body started to throw a fit about the high levels of vinegar and garlic you had ingested. Let's just say, thank gods you had your own bathroom.

It was about 9pm by the time you scurried out of your cave, being met with chocolate milk and cookies for supper, care of a sweet little blueberry. He had just come up to hand deliver them, so that you wouldn't miss out.

"I HOPE THAT, DESPITE DINNER.. AND DESPITE MUTT AND RAZZ, THAT YOUR FIRST DAY HERE WAS A GOOD ONE." He beamed up at you, and how could you resist giving that sweet little forehead a little smooch. It had him giggling.

"Despite all that, I've had a wonderful day. Thank you for helping to make it that way."

He beamed even more, somehow. "YOU'RE MOST WELCOME. NOW, GO GET A GOOD NIGHTS SLEEP SO THAT YOU'RE RESTED FOR THE NEW DAY. GOODNIGHT!"

"Goodnight, Blue. Sleep tight." You closed the door only after he had skipped off, putting your dessert down while you got dressed into pajamas settling into bed with it and leaving the empty plate and glass on your bedside. It had been an interesting day, and you had to wonder what living here was going to be like.

It would be a ride, that was for certain.

Chapter Text

Was waking to a hot breakfast on your desk going to be the norm? Whoever had brought it in had even added a little cup with a fresh cut flower in water. Aww, you felt yourself smile at the special treatment.. But at the same time, you would rather eat with your new housemates. You could hear them all chatting away downstairs, so that's just what you decided to do, picking up the tray and heading down. They were surprised to see you turn up with your breakfast, that was for sure.

"DID YOU NOT WANT BREAKFAST IN BED? I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE NICE, SINCE IT IS YOUR FIRST MORNING HERE." Blue looked at you with almost puppy eyes and a little pout. You sat down, putting your tray down in front of you on the table. Sans poked the little golden flower, chuckling to himself, Papyrus whacking his arm gently with an unamused frown.

"I wanted to have breakfast with everyone. Don't get me wrong, thank you for trying to make me feel welcome and comfortable."

"I SUPPOSE THAT IS FINE THEN." Blue hummed, back to his usually beaming self after.

"YOU THINK YOU'RE SO CLEVER, DON'T YOU." Razz barked at Blue, getting Stretch's hackles up easily.

Grey clicked his fingers, glaring at the smallest skeleton. "RAZZ, DROP IT."

"OH, FUCK OFF CARBON COPY."

"enough." Sans' oddly calm voice cut through the rising tension, even leaving you a little wary.

The group seemed to ease back into eating, but you could see Razz glaring at the others in your peripheral. Maybe eating in your room may have been a better choice after all..

Bit of an odd insult, you mused.

***

Apart from that odd start to the day, everyone had been more or less civil. Well, out of the ones that hung around. Razz and Mutt both left for their respective jobs not long after breakfast, as had Edge, Blue and Grey. The others were either working later or not at all today. You yourself were getting ready to head off to your own job in town. It wasn't prolific, but it paid the rent, and with how low it was now, and then some. You were looking forward to being able to save some money up. Your car needed some TLC soon, and you had your eye on a new phone and computer. The ones you had now were beginning to give up the ghost.

Dressed in your store polo and Kmart slacks, you stopped at the foyer to slip your shoes on.

"off to work, huh?"

Looking up, you spotted Russ hanging in the doorway. In his hand a pack of smokes and a lighter. Probably heading outside to smoke.

"Yep. Gotta make that sweet, sweet moolah somehow." You chuckled. His slightly pointy smile picking up.

"true. i prefer the fun way."

You were curious, but weren't sure you wanted to know? Too late, you asked him what he meant.

"you know. pokies, horses. used to bet on the dogs but now that's all been made illegal." His smirk gave you wink energy. Hard to tell with that patch.

"I've never put more than a fiver into a poker machine." You admitted sheepishly, which earned a bark of amused coughing.

"aw, honey~ it's not fun until you're feedin' in reds. naah, i kid. i'm proud. such a responsible little thing."

"More I just didn't have more than a fiver to put in." You added, a little colour hitting your cheeks. "Or I'd put a dollar in and play cent games until I made it back and hopefully doubled it."

He was giggling now. "i should take you out some time, put a few bets down, pay for a nice dinner with winnings."

"If you say so, Russ." You finished, with a smile. "I'll see you all later. I gotta go before I'm late."

He playfully shooed you off, sitting out on the front porch and lighting up. You hopped into your car to head into town, having to carefully drive around one of the other's cars parked outside the house. The fancy red convertible was so cool.

***

Done. You felt drained, but that paycheck at the end of the week was already so close. You pulled into the road in front of the house again, noting that the red convertible was gone now. Papyrus must be out. Oh, no, wait, it was sitting down the side of the house with the roof up. You were actually kinda glad. You liked Paps being there.

Heading in and closing the door behind you, you let out a breath, feeling your legs want to secede from the rest of your body.

"WELCOME BACK!" A cheery voice called out, Blue sticking his head out of the loungeroom doorway. Papyrus stuck his head out above him, Blue jumping a little when he looked up. Aw, goobers.

"Glad to be back. What are you two up to?" Kicking off your shoes, you nudged them into the shoe rack, heading over to them in just your socks.

They both stepped back, heading in before you to. Oh.

They had managed to turn the lounge into a sort of maze. The couches were all moved around, some sections covered in blankets to obscure view. They must have been working hard on it.. Was that snoring?

"SANS IS IN THERE SOMEWHERE.. WE CAN'T PINPOINT HIS EXACT LOCATION."

You covered your mouth, choking on a giggle. "Oh dear.."

"WOULD YOU LIKE TO TAKE OUR INCREDIBLE MAZE FOR A SPIN?" Blue asked, Papyrus crouching down near the entrance, looking in.

"I'm kind of.. You know what? Yes, I'll give it a go."

"YAY!" You got a big hug from the energetic little ball of bones, Paps showing you how to get in. They gave you a rundown of what to expect - a maze - and how to call out for assistance - holding a hand up above the blankets and yelling 'uncle' - before you were given the go ahead to head in.

It seemed pretty tame, for a maze of couches, and you thought it would be pretty simple to keep track of where you were, but you forget that these are monsters, with magic. It was borderline trickster stuff, as you realised that you had absolutely no idea whereabouts in the room you were.

"Uh.. Papy? Blue?"

You felt a little chill at how far away their voices seemed, calling out to you with encouragement. Oh dear.

You crawled on for what felt like minutes, having to choose forks in the maze, feeling like you were going around in circles, until you stumbled on a lump in your path.

"heh, heey kiddo."

"Oh, there you are, Sans. I'm so fucking lost."

"why do y' think i took a nap? no use panicking, it'll only make things harder."

He was right. You took a deep breath, before trying to gauge your bearings. Sans sat up, looking at you with that easy, kinda dopey smile of his.

"you wanna call uncle?"

You considered it, but something in you was pushing you to go forth. "Mmm, no, not yet."

"brave~" He chuckled, before vanishing. Oh, the absolute cheek.

"THERE YOU ARE SANS, WE COULDN'T FIND YOU." Again they sounded too far away to make sense.

"yeah, the human found me. don' leave her in there all evening."

Oh harr harr, yeah, have a little giggle mate. You steeled yourself, before moving on. And on..

And on..

And on..

You were starting to feel hungry. Dangit.

No, you had a muesli bar just a half hour before, you would live.

This was starting to get ridiculous. How was there so much maze?! You let out a whine of frustration, considering having a little peek. But was that cheating?

Bugger it.

You ever so carefully lifted your head up through a space between the sheets, only to shoot up in borderline horror.

"HUMAN, THAT'S CHEATING!" Blue pouted. No joke, you were only about 5 meters into the bloody maze. HOW!?

"NYEH HEH HEH, YOU SEEMED BAMBOOZLED, MY DEAR HUMAN~" Papyrus did his best impression of an evil villain, steeping his fingers, grinning with his brows pulled down in the middle. Oh lord, this sweet bean. He couldn't be evil if he tried.

"How the hell? Okay, you two have fae blood, I swear."

They simply looked at each other, now grinning as brightly as possible, and then they started to laugh.

Okay, as weird as that was, you had to admit you'd had fun. "Is it okay if I call uncle now?"

"AWWW, BUT YOU DIDN'T FIND THE PRIZE!"

"There's a prize?" You cocked your head, before Blue jumped in. Within seconds he was behind you.

"I, THE MAGNIFICENT AND FAIR BLUE, WILL DIRECT YOU TO IT, SINCE YOU GAVE IT SUCH A VALIANT EFFORT."

So you were crawling along, Blue yelling out directions. You came to another fork, waiting for him to tell you which way to go, but he seemed unusually quiet. "Blue?"

"O-OH! TURN LEFT! MWEH HEH.." He sounded a tad flustered. You did as he said, and after a few more turns and twists, you found yourself in a little cavern, the walls made from the backs of recliners, and the sheet overhead covered in stars. They'd even put up some fairly lights. Aww. In the middle was a plate, containing a mix of Spaghetti and Tacos.

"TADA! WELCOME TO THE MIDDLE OF THE MAZE!"

"Wow, this is so cool!" You were genuinely impressed, shuffling over to sit in front of the plate. They looked a tad cold, but hey, you were hungry by now. "May I try some?"

"OF COURSE! IT IS YOUR PRIZE AFTER ALL." Blue sat down next to you, a soft blue across his cheeks. Did the guy tire himself out or something?

"Would you like to join me? Papyrus too, if he'd like?" You called the last part out, hearing a distant but happy 'NYEH!'

Blue happily grabbed a taco, bemoaning the fact that it was covered in spaghetti, when Paps popped through the 'doorway' into the little cavern. You smiled, passing him a fork, and he took it with such a sweet smile.

You hummed, deciding to try the spaghetti first. Papyrus watched you with a childlike expectancy as you curled the strands around your fork, lifting them up, and popping them into your mouth.

The taste was..

Indescribable.

"HOW DO YOU LIKE THE GREAT PAPYRUS ARTISAN SPAGHETTI?"

You had to take a moment to concentrate on chewing, before forcing yourself to swallow. "It's.."

"AH, STILL NOT QUITE PALATABLE FOR HUMANS?" He didn't seem upset or disappointed, more eager to hear genuine feedback, so you gave it.

"The sauce is a bit too tart. If you've used citrus or vinigar, maybe cut that back. The actual noodles themselves are nicely al dente, but most people prefer softer in a bolognese."

He pulled his phone out, tapping away. You felt relief that you didn't have to break the poor guy's heart.

"I WILL TAKE HEED OF THIS INFORMATION, AND MY NEXT CREATION WILL BE THE BEST YET!"

"I can't wait to try it." You said, and you meant it. Papyrus could probably tell by your expression, because he puffed himself up. You had another spoonful, just to see if it would be better on the second bite, now that your olfactory had a chance to take it in. Nope.

"WHAT IN THE.. OH MY LORD, WHAT HAVE YOU TWO DONE TO THE LOUNGEROOM?" You had to giggle at the sheer levels of 'done' in Grey's voice. Blue and Papyrus starting to giggle too. "I LEAVE FOR WORK AND THEN EVERYTHING GOES TO SH-CRAP."

Aww, you had been waiting to pull the 'swear jar' on somebody else.

"We're just having a pre-dinner snack, Grey."

"OH, THAT'S PROBABLY FOR THE BEST.. RAZZ WANTS TO COOK TONIGHT."

Both of the skeletons next to you audibly shuddered. Oh. That bad, huh?

"Do you want to join us?" You asked, and there was a soft sigh, before the far off sound of shuffling. Blue having to call out directions, but finally Grey stuck his head into the cavern. He too seemed impressed, giving a little nod at the atmosphere.

"I LIKE THIS PART MOST."

"Yeah, it's really nice in here."

Grey sat across from you, giving you a sharp toothed smile, before he looked down at the plate, and it fell just a little. Blue turned the plate so he could grab a taco, and he did, looking up at Papyrus. "NO OFFENCE."

"NONE TAKEN."

You picked up a taco for yourself, noting that it seemed to almost sparkle in the dimmed lighting. Blue was quick to assure you that it was food grade glitter, human food grade, and the relief you felt was palpable. Taking a bite, you actually gave a small sound of approval. It seemed to leave a small flush of colour on all of their faces. You were too into your snacc to notice. "These are good, Blue."

"M-MWEH HEH, THANK YOU."

After snacks, you helped the two fell their marvelous creation, much to your disappointment. You suggested that they make just the end fort again sometime, and they beamed at the idea. Soon you all had the lounge looking like it had when you first came in. By the time you had finished with that, the call for dinner had begun. You had filled up on that taco, so hopefully you could play the 'small human stomach' card again if it turned out to be inedible.

Going from the burnt, overly spiced smells drifting from the kitchen, you were so glad you had..

The household gathered around the dinner table, again most looking nervous. Even Edge was glancing back at the kitchen, brow furrowed.

It didn't help to make you feel any better about it.

You were startled as a large serving dish was dropped into the center of the table, Razz pulling the top off with a smug grin. "DINNER IS SERVED."

The waft of steam almost made your eyes water. On the large platter were lots of burritos, all wrapped perfectly. The smell was something else. It wasn't a bad smell, per se, but it was hella strong, like someone had emptied a packet of taco seasoning directly into your nostrils. Looordy.

"wow, y' really ou'done yaself.." Red said, sarcastic tone with a worried expression, looking around at the others. No it wasn't just your human nose that was being assaulted. Some of the others were tearing up too. The only ones who didn't look effected were Razz, and Mutt, who looked to be salivating. Must be used to it, you thought.

"WELL? EAT!" Razz snapped. Mutt grabbed a few, digging in like a man starved, while the others gingerly took their own servings. You were about to get up and get some, when Razz grabbed your plate, smirking at you as he placed 2 of the things onto it, and placed it back down. "ENJOY, HUMAN."

So, like, they looked good. That was for sure. You stole a glance around, before picking one up. Taking a breath, albeit a shallow one as your throat burned, you took a bite.

Oh, gods! Edge's vinigarsangna had nothing on this! The meet was dry, the sauce setting your tongue aflame, and something gave a decidedly non-food crunch as you chewed. Nope. You just couldn't feign politeness this time, and you made a mad dash for the bathroom.

You heard Razz shrieking after you, but you didn't care. You spat the mouthful into the sink. You couldn't see for tears and coughing, managing to turn the taps on and put your mouth under the faucet. There was a knock on the door, worried voices calling out, but your focus was on ridding yourself of the pain. You spat into the sink, only to blanch at seeing blood.

The meat you had spat out had washed down the plug, but the shard of what you could only assume was fucking glass hadn't.

Sans and Red appeared at your side, Sans eyelights vanishing as he looked at the blood, and the shard. Red growled, blipping straight back out, and as Sans sat you down on the side of the bath to calm you down, you could just make out Red tearing verbal strips off of Razz for actually hurting you.

"k-kiddo, s'okay, s'just a cut in your gums. you'll be fine."

"O-owie!" You managed, taking the hand towel he offered you to clean yourself up. It was just a small scratch, your gums just inflamed from it and the spice-bomb.

The yelling seemed to subside, as did the burning. Sans helped you out, taking the shard with him to show to Razz, who looked pale when he saw it.

"the fuck, razz?! this could have seriously hurt her!" Sans was not happy, his anger much calmer than the others'. Razz looked wide eyed at the shard, before scoffing.

"IT'S ONLY A LITTLE GLASS. IT'S NOT MY FAULT HER PATHETIC HUMAN CONSTITUTION CAN'T HANDLE IT."

"you could have killed her."

That seemed to knock Razz about a bit, like he was having a hard time wrapping his head around the fact. You swallowed, trying to ignore the residual pain. "Sans is right. If I'd swallowed that, it could have ripped apart my insides."

Most of the others looked pale, Papyrus whimpering, before Edge stormed over, pushing a finger into Razz' chest. "YOU WILL NEVER COOK FOR THE HUMAN AGAIN, YOU HEAR ME?"

Mutt started to growl, approaching, before Razz put a hand up to stop him in his tracks.

"I.. I UNDERSTAND." Razz' voice had dropped, his gaze downwards. That seemed to surprise a lot of them. Even Edge seemed to lose some of the wind in his sails.

The small skeleton couldn't look at anyone, stepping back from Edge, before heading off, presumably to his room. Mutt watched him go with a dumbfounded expression, before he looked around at everyone, and then ran after him. Noone said a word, until Papyrus broke the silence.

"I'M SURE IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. HE SURELY DIDN'T PUT IT IN THERE ON PURPOSE."

"i think papy's right. he's a little prick, but he's not that much of an arsehole.." Stretch added, the others wanting to believe that. You felt bad for Razz. What if it was just an accident..

"Let's just.. Drop this. If he wants to talk about it, then fine. I'm just.. Not going to eat anymore of his cooking."

"yeah, kiddo is right. he sounded sorry.. for him, that's big." Sans sighed, giving your arm a reassuring pat.

Once they were able, Blue, Papyrus, Grey and Russ gave you hugs. You just wanted to go lay down, and they let you.

On the way to your room, you walked past Razz'.. You don't know what convinced you, but you walked over to knock. A few seconds passed, before the door opened. Razz looking up at you. Mutt was sat on his bed, glaring at you from behind his brother. "HUMAN-"

"I forgive you."

He floundered a little, his mouth opening and closing. Mutt looked quite surprised.

"I.. WELL.. I DIDN'T MEAN TO PUT GLASS INTO THE FOOD, I ASSURE YOU. IT WAS A BOTTLE OF SPICE THAT BROKE IN MY ENTHUSIASTIC COOKING. I DIDN'T THINK ANYTHING OF IT AT THE TIME AND-"

You found yourself crouching to his level, a low growl coming from behind him, before you gave him a hug. He locked up, arms above you, completely unsure of what to do. Slowly, very slowly, he let them down over your shoulders, giving you an awkward kind of pat.

"It was an accident."

"YES.. AN ACCIDENT."

With that, you let go, standing back up again. He was looking at you with an unreadable expression, but you just smiled at them both. "Good night, guys."

"GOOD.. NIGHT."

"uh.. nigh'."

With a nod, you walked off to your own room, feeling a lot better. Papyrus was right..

***

Finally you were in bed, rugged up with your blankets and with a book in your hands. A cup of hot chocolate steaming on your bedside, courtesy of Grey, and a couple of monster candies courtesy of Papyrus. You were just getting into the chapter when someone knocked on your door. You looked up, playing a little guessing game in your head before you called out. "Come in."

It was Sans. You actually guessed right, feeling a little proud of yourself. "Hey."

"heeey, kiddo. heh, yeah, uh.. got'a minute to chat?"

You put your book aside, nodding, and he grabbed your desk chair, sitting down backwards like he was some 80's sitcom dad about to impart moral lessons on a bunch of scrunchie wearing preteens. The thought made the corner of your mouth twitch up involuntarily.

He however looked.. Nervous. You cocked your head, shuffling forward a bit in your blankets. "Everything okay, Snas?"

That helped ease him a little, a chuckle leaving him as he rolled his shoulders, shooting you a smirk.

"yeah, yeah, jus'.. couple of things i wanted to, uh, make y' aware of?"

Consider your interest piqued. You don't recall there being any 'rules' or 'notes' when you signed everything. "What's up?"

"so, how much do y' know about monsters?" He asked, his slippered feet swinging slightly, his smile a little stretched at the sides.

You.. Knew a little bit? You'd read about souls and that sort of stuff. You told him so, and he rubbed the back of his head, a faint blue appearing on his face.

"well, kiiinda go' somethin' t' do with it.. uh, i meant more.. y'know.." He awkwardly moved his hands around, before slumping, clearly uncomfortable now, before he seemed to perk slightly. ".. boning."

You sort of blinked a few times, before both the pun and the insinuation actually hit you. "Oh, you mean sex."

"shhh.. uh, yeah. that."

"I.. No, not really. I know that it has something to do with souls but.. I haven't really looked into it, admittedly." You sort of brought your legs up a bit, leaning against them. This was only slightly awkward..

"aw geez. i guess that means i'm gonna have to give ya the snowdrakes an the whimsums."

"Sooo, the birds and the bees?" You said, a tad incredulously. Really? Sans was about to have 'the talk' with you?

"in a nutsack.." He hummed, very much focused on one of the legs of your bed.

Snort. "Uh, don't you mean nutshell?"

"huh? what did i say?"

"Nevermind." You tried to keep a straight face, before exhaling, looking over again. "So, what do I need to know?"

"so, ever heard of heats?" He blurted out a little too enthusiastically in his nervousness.

Again with the clueless blinking. "... Like a cat?"

"heh heh heh, uh, kinda?"

You sat there, feeling more awkward by the moment. Thankfully he spoke up again. "so, uh.. just wanted to let you know, um.. some of us tend to act a little.. different? during that time? nothing suss! i mean, if anyone else is suss you lemme know right away." He was blurting out many words now, and truth be told his fluster was amusing you a little.

"So what you're essentially saying is that at one point or another, I'm going to be surrounded by horny skeletons?" You tried so hard to keep a straight face, but you just couldn't. At least it broke the ice a little more, Sans snorting, before he sighed, and nodded.

"yeah, unfortunately. uh, i didn't want to scare you away, and i was hoping, since you've already met nearly everyone that you might not run for the hills?"

"I have to admit, that's kind of a shitty thing to do to a woman who's going to be living here.." You humour fell, a small wave of discomfort passing over you, and he looked apologetic.

"yeah.. i'm sorry, that was a shitty way to go about things."

"But I have met everyone.. As long as you can assure me that I'll be safe-"

"of course, of course." He nodded, a serious look on his face.

"Okay.." You sighed, before you had to chuckle a little. "Oh lordy, noone's going to try humping my leg, are they?"

He cracked, laughing, trying to reign it in. "oh gods, i hope the fuck not. nah, nah, we're not that bad, jesus.. well, most of us."

"I'll invest in a spray bottle." You giggled, as Sans stood up again.

"bu' seriously, you'll be safe. if i had any shred of a thought otherwise i wouldn't have brought y' in."

"Thanks Snas. Thanks for telling me." You had to. He playfully rolled his eyes, before heading back over to the door.

"so, uh, nighty night kiddo. lemme know if you have any questions, but, uh. tomorrow."

"Will do. Nighty night, Sans."

He gave a sort of nod, before he let himself out, closing the door. You grabbed a pillow, breathing into it, your face red. Oh gods.. That was so freaking awkward! You couldn't help but think of these skeletons in a whole new light. No, not Papy and Blue! You couldn't picture them all.. GAH!

You took a moment to breathe. No, this shouldn't change things. Humans got randy too, and in a way there were times where libido was higher through hormonal changes.. Yeah, this was just like that. Nothing to think too much on. You laid back, still hugging your pillow. Damn you and you inability to handle awkward things and second hand embarrassment.

At least you were tired enough to drift off quickly. Your unconscious mind not ruminating on the 'nearly everyone'..

Chapter Text

Breakfast the next morning you thought might be a bit awkward, after Sans' little talk, but thankfully it was a comfortable affair.. As comfortable as it could be, with Mutt hungover and Razz and Edge both in moods. Thankfully it was also fairly short.

Deciding to have a quiet day, you pottered around cleaning and sorting, and finally you had emptied your last box of stuff. Fully unpacked at last..

"knock knock."

You put your phone down, looking up to see Sans in your open doorway. He seemed expectant, his smile picking up. You had to giggle, sighing for dramatic effect. "Who's there?"

"spell."

"... Spell who?"

He grinned so wide. "w - h - o. heh heh heh, i had to. how you doin', kiddo?"

You rolled your eyes with another giggle, before gesturing around and doing jazz hands. "I done fully unpacked now, tada!"

"hey, that's great. doin' better than me. i still have a box of hair products all packed up in my cupboard, along with my spray-tanner."

Smartarse. You shook your head as he snorted. You packed away some of your winter woolies, as he at on the edge of your bed.

"any plans for today?" He asked, and you hummed, tapping your chin with a finger.

"Not really, just taking a day to get things in order if I find them, you know?"

"ah, a lazy day, gotcha." He shot you finger guns and a little tongue click. There was some silence between you for a few moments as you moved some bits and bobs around, when he cleared his throat(?) a bit. "so.. uh.. oh, garbage night tonight. red and yellow bins, so if you have any rubbish or recycle, leave it in the foyer. mutt's on bin duties for tonight."

"Sweet, I have plenty of cardboard to go out." You busied yourself, sorting through some things in the floor of your closet. Sans sat there, just watching..

When you stood up and looked around, his eyelights flicked back up to your face, his smile back. You paused for a moment, before shrugging it off.

"whelp, i'm gonna go set razz' alarm back an hour. seeya."

He vanished, making you do a slight double take. Right, the teleporting thing. Sometimes they still caught you off guard. Maaan, Razz was gonna be so pissed tomorrow morning. That'll be fun for everyone else to deal with.

After a while of pottering around your room, you decided to go for a little walk around. Maybe head out for some fresh air.

Leaving your bedroom, you walked down the hall, where a massive pile of magazines outside Red's door caught your eye. You heard muffled arguing inside, assuming that it was him and his brother. You lazily approached, looking down at the top one, only to see a massive pair of tits on the front page. Oh lordy. That's a lot of porn.

You must have looked it, because when Red walked out he leaned against the pile, which was almost as tall as he was. "y' look impressed, kitten. heh, wanna give all these a last hurrah?~" He looked up at you with that lecherous grin, Edge's head shooting out of the doorway, looking absolutely aghast!

"OH MY GODS, RED! DO NOT ASK THE HUMAN TO LOOK AT YOUR FILTHY MAGAZINES!"

"ahh! fuck, dun' sneak up on me like tha'!"

Your smile picked up, as you said in a soft, sing song voice. "Swear jar~"

Red cracked up, but Edge didn't find it so funny.

"RED, YOU ARE A GREMLIN. A GOBLIN. A MISCREANT. FILTHY! I SHOULD THROW YOU OUT A WINDOW."

"Please don't throw him out a window." You tried to reign in the giggles threatening to spill. Somehow you could tell this was just sibling banter, and the smirk on Red's face confirmed that.

"aww, y' so mean. meany bones~"

"I AN NOT A MEANY BONES!" Edge downright stamped his foot.

Stretch blipped to his door, looking over, a smile blooming. "ay, calm down, meany bones~"

"NYYYAAAAAGGHHHH!"

"holy crap, i don' think i've ever seen that many playboys in one place~" Stretch snorted, heading over, opening the mag on top, before looking disgusted and dropping it, holding his hand out like he had touched something unpleasant. Oh. Oh lord. You didn't want to think on that.

"DON'T YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT IT.. I WILL TELL BLUE, YOU HONEY LOVING REPROBATE." Edge looked almost smug about getting Stretch into trouble. 

"no need f' threats, i don't wan'em." Stretch grimaced, as Red tried to hold back laughter.

Oh, geez. "Red, you might wanna get hazmat on turfing those." You chuckled, and he freaking waggled his brows. Edge slapped him across the back of the head.

"ow! fuckin' 'ell, boss.."

"Edge, don't backhand your brother." You tried to play peacekeeper a little.

"IT WAS AN OPEN PALM." He scoffed, like that made it any better.

"If I slapped my sister like that, she'd deck me."

Red perked up, his eyes going bright as Stretch preemptively rolled his eyelights. "ya go' a sister? she hot?"

".. Actually, on second thought, slapping him seems fine."

Edge raised his hand, Red blipping out of the way. He sent you a dour glance, but he couldn't keep it up long, instead grinning. "fairy snuff."

"OH MY GOD, THAT'S A LOT OF PORNOGRAPHY."

No, Papyrus! You almost felt a surge of horror, and a flash of protectiveness.. Until you saw the cheeky little smile on his face.

"IS EDGE FINALLY PUTTING HIS FOOT DOWN ON YOUR DIRTY HOARDING?" Paps asked.

"I AM, IN FACT, DOING JUST THAT."

"yer all party poopers." Red grumbled.

"I NEED TO GET ONTO SANS ABOUT HIS NOT QUITE SO EXTENSIVE COLLE- OH, UH, HELLO!" He finally realised you were there, his cheeks orange.

"Are they all like this?" You managed to get out, your grin a little tight.

"most of us." Stretch answered with a lazy smirk. "bu' most of us have better taste."

"yer so up yaselves." Red rolled his eyelights, Edge shooing him back into his room to continue the clean up.

"AND YOU HAD BETTER HAVE BAGGED UP THOSE SOCKS BY THE TIME I DO LAUNDRY."

A noncommittal grunt floated out into the hall, the rest of you exchanging amused smiles.

"hey paps.." Stretch hummed, looking at the pile.

"YES, STRETCH?"

He picked up one of the cleaner looking mags, opening it up to a two page spread of a pair of tits, holding it up to his chest with a smirk. You expected Papyrus to blush or act mortified, and you were the one left in shock when he simply raised a row and smirked.

"YOU KNOW WE DON'T TALK ABOUT THAT."

"No, no hold on, you can't just say that and leave me here all curious." You squeaked, Stretch bursting into cackling, hacking laughter. When he finally calmed down enough, he grinned up at Papyrus, who's own expression was best described as 'HO DON'T DO IT'.

"nyeh heh heh, one time we got reeeaaal drunk, and we all tried to make boobs."

"YOU MEAN YOU WANTED TO MAKE BOOBS AND MADE US DO IT TOO SO YOU DIDN'T FEEL WEIRD."

"yeah, fair cop.. or should i say-"

"NO."

"fair cup."

"OH MY GOD!"

Papyrus stormed off after that, making sure you all saw him glare from his doorway, before shutting the door a slight louder than he usually did. There was a squawk from Russ' room, figuring it woke him from a day nap.

You decided to head downstairs and leave the boys to their porn.. Gods, that sounded bad. Razz giving you a look as you descended the stairs, giggling behind your hand. He shook his head as he passed.

***

You may have fallen asleep in the lounge after dinner, resting back in one of the cushy recliners, your mouth wide open as you snored. Your phone sitting in your hand, at risk of dropping out of it. Quiet clicks of heels approached, somehow audible even though the lounge was mostly carpeted. You didn't hear them, of course, being out for the count.

The other sighed, before getting a throw blanket and moving your phone to the table next to you. He covered you up, making sure you were not going to get too chilly, before he started to walk away. That was when you roused, humming.

"Razz?"

"HMPH, YOU REALLY SHOULD BE IN YOUR OWN BED, HUMAN."

"... Thanks for the blanket." You stretched a little, a soft sound leaving you that sent a flush of red across his cheekbones as he looked back at you over his shoulder. He didn't respond, quickly making his way back out. D'aw, almost like he cared~

You smiled to yourself, before having a mini heart attack when you realised your phone wasn't in your hands, calming when you spotted it. 

***

Some time passed, and you were more getting into the swing of things with each passing day. Rosters were finally settled, and it was pretty smooth sailing. With so many bodies, there were enough jobs to go around. This fine morning however, you had pulled the laundry short straw. At least everyone had brought their clothes down and added them to a behemoth of a pile. It was at least a foot taller than you were. Cripes. Most of it was Razz and Edge, going through two to three outfits a day. You couldn't see anything of Mutt's..

One blessing was that the laundry room had three large washers to cope with the loads. You had finished loading the last, when the first gave it's little ping that it was done. Ugh, not even a five minute break? Oh well, you didn't want to leave everything stewing for too long, so biting the bullet, you loaded up your flimsy basket and waddled out to the hills hoists. Like the washers, there were plenty. No dryers though, gotta save that power.

Socks were a bloody nightmare. You had been told by Sans not to even bother matching, just put like colours and sizes together. Man, some of the taller boys had massive feet. You could almost fit the sock up your entire arm. Enough of that, you started on sorting and pegging them up to the-

An echoing thwack sound made you jump and glance around. Wondering where that came from, but upon not seeing anything or anyone around, you continued.. Man, why did you have cold shudders, like someone was watching you. Noone was looking through any of the windows.

You could hear another ping of a washer, debating on pausing lining everything to go get the next basket.. Bugger it, you would finish this lot. They could stay there in the machine for a little bit.

That little bit turned into a half hour, by the time you had every sock roughly pared and pegged, with one left over without a friend. Had you lost a sock or did you gain one through some kind of washing mitosis. Maybe not something to think about. You put it on the line anyway. The boys could deal with it later when they divied up the socks for themselves.

With a stretch and a pop of your back bones, you wandered back over.. To.. The door- That was an axe, sticking out of the wooden door. A bloodied axe..

"Oh lord.."

Your blood ran cooler, as you stepped closer, looking at the rusted old weapon lodged firmly into the wooden surface. That was blood. What the actual fuck! Was that what that noise...

You suddenly felt very isolated and vulnerable. The feeling was not a good one, not at all. You very gingerly touched the handle, seeing if there was any give.

"S-saaans?"

...

...

...

Nothing. You tried calling again, only to hear a stick break in the nearby treeline. Your heart beating up into your throat as you spun around to look. There was nothing, as far as you could see. Maybe it was just birds-

A skeletal hand gripped around yours, scaring the crap out of you. But hey, at least you weren't alone out here anymore. You managed a weak chuckle as you looked up at..

"Sans?"

The beanie clad skeleton looked at you, his face mere inches from yours, his smile pulled up into something almost manic, and his eyes.. His eye. It was glowing bright red, swollen and focused on your face. The other socket empty. This was either a cruel trick, or this skeleton was not Sans.

"heh heh heh heh heh heh, ain'cha mama ever told'ja no' to touch what ain' yers?"

You couldn't speak, a small whimper leaving your parted lips as you tried to pull back, but his hand was still in a vice-like grip around your own. It was borderline painful as it felt like he was staring into your very soul.

"H-"

"heh heh, callin' f' help? ain' gonna do ya much good, li'l vegemite~"

Oh gods, that sent a rough, violent chill down your spine as you pulled almost desperately, trying to get away. Your skin already red from the roughness of the handle and his fingers.

"L-let me go!"

"nah.. okay, fine." He let go as you pulled, and you flew back, landing on your back. The skeleton was atop of you before you could get your bearings, grabbing your hands and holding them down either side of your head. That smile even more manic and hungry. No!

"Get off you sick bastard! This isn't fucking funny!"

"yer so cute when yer scared. i c'n hear tha' lovely pulse. boom, boom, boom~" He leaned in, his breath reeking of death. You felt beyond terrified, tears running down your face. The creepy asshole actually licked them away.

"Please, let me go.." You squeaked, unable to stop the flow as he huffed into your face. With a rush of adrenaline, you thrashed and kicked out, catching him a slight off guard, managing to throw him off. You didn't hesitate, you got up and ran to the door, slamming into it, screaming for help and then running from it before he ran into it in pursuit of you. You heard him growl as you tried to get away from him. You had passed the trees, as a gaunt, broken face appeared, long arms trying to grab for you. You screamed into the other's face, not looking carefully enough to see the hurt, before turning on the spot, hearing the smaller run into whoever was hiding in ambush with a heavy "oomf!"

You finally tried going around the side, but the gate was locked. Fuck, no, no!

"li'l vegemiiiite~"

You blood froze, and you were stuck still, not wanting to turn around and face your end..

The sound of metal scraping along stone cut through any and all noise around, and so did that eerie chuckle. The only thing coming close to the loudness was the white noise and pulse of blood in your ears. This couldn't be happening. This had to be some sick joke, but he would never-

You screamed bloody murder as someone grabbed you, pulling you aside as the axe landed in the gate, right where you had been standing.

"ge' th' fuck away from my human." A deep growl came from the one who was now standing between you and the maniac. The fluff of his jacket almost grounding as you held it in a death grip.. Wait.. Mutt?

"aw, already called dibs on th' li'l vegemite, huh dog?" Mr Murderous Intent giggled, Mutt putting a hand on you, keeping you behind him.. You were both cornered.

"fuck off, hatch. i know sansy said we ain' allowed t' harm, bu' if'n y' take another step, i w i l l d u s t y o u."

Fuck. You felt the intent in that, the protectiveness.. Even the unhinged one took a step back, wariness in his expression. It didn't last, though, and quickly he was back to that malicious grin.

"okay. fine. i'll leave her be. seems y' already grown attached~"

Mutt growled, and you felt it. Jesus.

At least it had the desired effect, the other pulling his axe free, and starting to head back towards the forest. He slipped past the trees with a last grin cast back, but it wasn't until there was no sight of him that Mutt eased his grip of you, stepping away.

"y' alrigh'?"

"Scared shitless.. Th-thank you, Mutt.. For protecting me."

He gave a shrug, but deep down you felt like he did care.. Like his brother did. "don' mention it.. i fuckin' mean it. any of this.."

"I.. Um.. Okay.. Wh-who was tha-"

"doesn' matter. if sans will listen t' me, they'll be gone an' y' won' have t' know. go back inside."

"but the wash-"

"now."

You flinched, as he looked at you from under that hoodie, his eyes bright.. You felt a sharp twinge of hurt, before running back to the back door, finding it unlocked, and running all the way up to your room. Thankfully noone ran into you that you would have to explain yourself to. You took a moment to catch your breath once you closed your door, before the dam cracked open, and you cried. You sat down on the edge of your bed, grabbing a pillow to muffle the sound. Oh gods, the miasma of feelings and emotions brimming to the surface. You were scared, hurt, felt like you were not wanted around. The RSD was coming on strong, all from how Mutt dismissed you after being so kind to you. It made you feel like you were just a inconvenience, moreso than anything that had happened thus far.

You took some time, crying everything out, and then popping a few Advil and taking a shower to scrub yourself clean and start afresh. You still felt like utter shit afterwards, but at least you felt a bit better physically. A bit more human.

The knock at your bedroom door caught you off guard, still goosey from before. You had to take a second to breathe the adrenaline rush away, before you opened the door to Blue's smiling face. That made you feel a bit better, or, it did. Until his smile fell a little.

"ARE YOU OKAY? YOUR EYES ARE VERY RED."

Shit, still? "Oh, I just had a shower and I got soap in them. Made them all irritated." You lied, but it was plausible, because he winced.

"OH NO, I HATE GETTING SOAP IN MY SOCKETS. IT DOESN'T HURT, PER SE, BUT IT FEELS REALLY, REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE AND WEIRD." He shuddered with his usual OTT flare.

You felt a little giggle bubble up. "I could kinda imagine?"

"ARE YOU FREE? GREY AND I WERE GOING TO HEAD DOWN TO THE TOWN CENTRE TO GO LOOK AT GETTING SOME GROCERIES AND A NEW TOASTER. EDGE USED THE OLD ONE AND IT'S NOW A WRITE OFF.."

"Just let me get dressed and put some eyedrops in and I'll be right down." You told him, and he jumped up and clicked his heels, before bounding off. Sweet little goober. True to your word, you got yourself ready and threw in some drops to try and quell the redness in your eyes, throwing on a pair of prescription sunnies to cover them up, so that noone would ask anymore questions or suspect you of being under an influence. Heh. You threw your regular pair into their case and chucked them into your bag.

By ready, however, you had put on a pair of tights, a shirt dress and a jacket, and some thongs. You didn't really feel much like dressing up to go into town. You were hardcore channeling some Snas right now. All you needed was the ketchup bottle and you guys could probably pass for twinsies.

Blue and Grey seemed a little concerned when you walked down, your thongs making soft 'plap' sounds against the floorboards as you walked into the foyer.

"Sup."

Blue cocked his head. ".. IS THAT REALLY WHAT YOU'RE WEARING?"

You looked to Grey, who smiled softly but still with a little concern, able to pick up on the fact that you weren't feeling your best.

"Yeah, what's wrong with it?" You said, teasing poor Blue a little as he floundered and tried to backtrack, spitting about it being fine, just a little lazy, making sure to mention that you still looked nice. 'Relaxed' the term he went for. You had to giggle, giving him a pat on the skull. "Let's go, guys."

You were at least thankful that you didn't have to drive, Grey borrowing his brother's car. It was an old Commodore VL, probably from the early 90s. You loved it so much. It was even purple, which one might be able to make out, were it not so patchy and covered in dust and dirt. The interiors we're impeccable, though, except around the console and it's overflowing ashtray.

You picked the back seat behind Grey who was driving, laying back with your eyes closed as he drove out to the main road to and from the property. A pack of Tim Tams waved under your nose, so you sat up a bit and took one. "Thanks Russ."

"no worries."

"RUSS! DON'T PORT INTO THE FREAKING CAR WHILE IT'S MOVING, YOU UTTER NUMBSKULL!" Grey was exasperated, having tapped the break in surprise, making you all lurch forward a bit. His brother chuckling as Blue looked unimpressed.

"nyeh heh, i was gonna do a little menulogging while you guys were shopping. earn a little pocket money. plus i owe sans 20 bucks." Russ chuckled, cronching a Tim Tam as he laid back. Grey rolled his mismatched eyelights, before snorting softly.

"I SUPPOSE. YOU COULD HAVE JUST COME WITH US WHEN WE GOT INTO THE CAR, DORK."

"where's the fun in that?"

"MY BLOOD PRESSURE WOULD HAVE THANKED YOU."

"you don't have blood pressure."

"OH FOR- YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, YOU GRONK!" Grey huffed, adjusting the mirrors for his height, Russ complaining playfully about having to put them all back.

Sure enough, Russ already had an order logged by the time they pulled into the carpark, the brothers doing a swapover so Russ could drive to Hungry Jacks, while you, Blue and Grey went into the plaza. First stop, Coles. Your stomping ground. The boys had made a list of things that the household needed, so to shoulder some of the burden, you asked if you could grab some things, Grey tearing off part of the list to give to you. You all stuck together down the first isle, before parting ways. Most of the things on your part of the list were freezer nasties, so there you headed.

"Pizzas, times 10- shit, I should have got a cart." You talked quietly to yourself, looking around. Whenever you were working it was easy to find abandoned carts that you would have to take back up to the front, but right now it was empty of carts up for grabs. Ehhh, but you were already so far away from the front, and didn't feel like doing the walk of shame. Your prayers seemed to be answered, when one of your coworkers appeared, pushing an empty cart along. You grinned, sneaking up and stepping in front of him, making him do a double take.

"Jesus, I could have flattened you! I thought you were off today." He recovered, smirking as you stood on the end. Andrew was a big guy, so he easily held the other end down to stop tipping the cart.

"I was, just here doing some shopping with a couple of my housemates. Are you using this? Woah!" You hopped off as he let it rock back a bit, giggling and shaking his head.

"Have at it. Ooh, are they the skeletons you were talking about?" Don't you waggle your brows. You could have pinched him, trying to quash the little bit of heat rising in your cheeks.

"We're just friends, you turd. Besides, they're skeletons.. I don't think they'd be interested in a fleshy old human."

"Ooh, so you do like them~"

You did it, you pinched him, making him snort and pull his arm away. "Oh shush you, or I'll tell Sandra that you fancy her~"

"You bitch!" He laughed, calming down as a family walked past, clearing his throat. "But seriously, don't you dare."

"You know I would never."

"I know. Thank gods." He looked past you, his smile growing to trickster proportions. "Ooh, is that them?"

Looking over your shoulder, you saw the boys comparing peanut butter. Blue giving Grey puppy dog eyes as he held one of those massive fuck off jars of Nutella. You could tell from there that Grey was nay-saying the purchase. "Oh, yeah. The one with the blue scarf is Blue, the other in the dark grey cardi' is Grey."

"Bit literal?" Andrew said to himself more than anything, making you hum. They did tend to favour those colours.. Like Red liked his reds. Maybe you were just thinking to much into it.

"Hey, guys!" You waved, the two looking over, and noticeably lighting up. Aw.

"They totally like you~" Andrew stage whispered into your ear, earning another pinch. He recovered quickly, asking the two skeletons who had made their way over if they'd been able to find what they needed.

"I HAVE, I THINK BLUE WAS LOOKING FOR POPROCKS. YOU DON'T SEEM TO HAVE ANY IN THE LOLLY ISLE." Grey said, giving Andrew a pleasant smile. Blue pouted. You didn't wait for Andrew to say anything, just grinned, telling them to wait one moment as you slipped away. Your two housemates looking confused as you slipped into the back dock. Andrew just shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck.

"She's.. Weird. I mean, you guys would know already, living with her."

"IT'S NOT A BAD THING. I FEEL LIKE SHE WOULD KEEP US YOUNG." Grey chuckled, the human now curious about how old they could be. Was that rude to ask someone made of bones? He didn't get the chance, as you ran back over, some older women giving you unimpressed glares as you joined your pals again, handing Blue a few packets of poprocks.

"OH! THANK YOU."

"You're welcome, Blue." You said, catching your breath. Andrew smirking at you.

One of your managers whistled, calling Andrew over, waving at you when you gave a wave. Your buddy gave a quick 'seeya later' before he headed off. You then remembered why you stopped Andrew in the first place, to grab a cart. With a quick salute to Blue and Grey, who chuckled, you started off towards the frozen section again. At least before a wrinkly hand grabbed the handle and tugged it away from you.

One of the old ladies who had seen you run to the back had taken it, starting to walk away. "Hey, excuse me, that was my cart."

"We need it." She snapped, not even looking back at you. Oh great, a Karen thought you were working. You internally groaned, before walking over and getting in her way.

"I was using it. It was very rude of you to just take it from me."

"You can get another one from out there." Her friend gestured to the back doors.

You sighed. "I'm not working, and so you've stolen a cart from me, as another customer. I have every right to have you escorted out for inappropriate behaviour. Please give me back my cart."

"Excuse me!" The cart thief put a hand over her chest, looking like you had just insulted her very being. "I am a customer!"

"Yes, you are, and today, so am I."

They just couldn't seem to grasp the concept. "But you work here! We saw you go into the back to get those children their candy."

Okay, this was getting comical. They were so, so oblivious. "Yes, I do work here, but today I am shopping as a customer. I only went back because my adult friend wanted something that wasn't on the shelves, and I just happened to know we had them out the back. Now, unless you want me to have you removed from the store, give me back my shopping trolley."

Their blank, condescending stares made your blood flare up in a quick boil, but thankfully years of working retail had given you a quick recovery time. You breathed out, calming yourself. "Are you going to give me back my trolley?"

"But we need it, and we are customers!"

"Andrew!" You flagged down your buddy, telling him quickly what had happened, and he nipped off to get the manager.

5 minutes later you were piling frozen pizzas into your trolley, and Gertie and Hazel were being escorted out of the shop by your rent-a-cop security guard, all up in arms about being wronged.

"ARE YOU OKAY?" Grey and Blue came over, having witnessed everything, but not wanting to butt in or get involved. That tended to not work out well in their favour, ever.

"Oh? Yeah, just your average Karen experience, insert trade mark here." You smiled, making Grey smirk. Blue thanked you for standing up for them too. The 'children' comment really got to him. Grey less so, but it still irritated him.

Between the three of you, you plowed through the list, finally getting down to self checkout. You took one stall, the boys taking another, and Grey said that he would work out the money later. You were happy to pay for the groceries though. Hell, you were eating it too.

You waved to Sandra who had been on self service, pushing your cart over to sit down while you waited for the boys.

"that's a lotta pizza." Russ said, appearing next to you. You offered him a biccy this time, an Iced Vovo. He took one, thanking you with a smirk.

"so, you met hatch and nash?"

You felt your stomach drop a little, glancing at him. His expression soft. 

"sorry i wasn't around. mutt told me what happened."

"Yeah.. Gods I thought I was going to die.." No, don't cry, don't you dare start crying. A sniffle escaped you, and then you felt his bony arms around you.

"hey, you're okay. sorry that they weren't mentioned sooner. sans really dropped the ball. he told us to leave it to him. nyeh heh. he's going to get his ass handed to him by a few of us for that. first thing being not telling you about them. second not telling them about you."

"So are they also in the house?" You asked warily, Russ shaking his head.

"nah, they live in the woods, in a sort of house slash shed slash shack thing they built themselves.. they, uh.." He paused to think of a way to word what he wanted to say. "they came from a bad place. they're not able to leave the property, don't worry, and they are being looked after, just sometimes they have their moments of.. weakness."

"So Hatch was the guy who tried to attack me.." His petname for you echoing in your head, making you shudder a bit. "and Nash was the one who tried to grab me."

"that'd be it.. nash's a sweetheart most of the time, but he's not innocent. he'll do what his brother tells him to."

You looked around, thankful to be not near any eavesdroppers. The boys came out of Coles, greeting Russ. They seemed to glance at how the two of you were cuddled up with unreadable expressions.

"ARE YOU DONE WITH THE CAR, RUSS?" Grey asked, Blue up on the front of their trolley. Russ nodded, letting you go.

"yep, even got a tip for being so quick with the food. some industries that's a good thing, others.."

You giggled, Grey leveling him with a look that said 'Don't be inappropriate'.

You got up, giving a stretch, before pushing the cart down to the car. You managed to get everything packed in the boot and in one of the back seats. Russ stayed long enough to help you, before heading off to the pub.

The trip home was quiet, all three of you just wanting to get there and unpack then take some time to relax.

You were putting things away in the kitchen, when Grey looked up, humming. "HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO HELP ME WITH DINNER TONIGHT?"

"ME?" Blue perked up, Grey shaking his head and pointing to you. Blue shrugged, going back to putting the freezer goods away.

"Oh, sure! What were you thinking of making?" You asked, Grey grinning, holding up a pack of ribs like a model showing off a prize on The Price Is Right.

"I JUST REALLY FEEL LIKE RIBS. MWAH HAH."

You didn't think, before walking over and poking his side. He looked up at you, and you snorted. "You do feel like ribs."

Blue and Grey were both staring at you, and then you were second guessing your actions. You took a step back, about to apologise, feeling that RSD starting to rear it's head again, your Vagus nerve burning.

"OH! OH I GET IT! MWAH HAH HAH, YEAH, THAT'S ALL RIBS." Grey giggled, knocking knuckles against his own chest, before he noticed your expression. "I.. ARE YOU OKAY?"

Great. Bursting into tears and running wasn't what you wanted to do at all! But you felt like you were on autopilot, your flight instinct hardcore, as they called after you with worry clear in their voices.

You closed your door when you got to your room, leaning back against the door and sliding down to sit. Your knees pulled up to your chest as you tried desperately to reign in your emotions.

You had finally started to calm down, when you felt and heard a gentle knock on the door.

"Who is it?" You tried to keep your voice steady.

"IT'S GREY, HONEY.. MAY I COME IN?"

You let your head fall against your knees a few times, before wiping your nose and face, taking a big breath, getting up and opening the door. You looked down at him, feeling bad for upsetting him and Blue. "Hey, c-come in."

He stepped in, and you looked around before closing the door. You were a little startled when he gently took your hand, smiling as he led you to the bed, sitting you down and sitting next to you.

"FIRSTLY, YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG, OKAY?"

"O-okay.." You gave a shuddering breath as the feeling of wanting to cry started to come back. He gently rubbed your back.

"RIBS CAN JUST BE A BIT SENSITIVE FOR SOME SKELETONS. I GUESS I JUST WASN'T EXPECTING FOR YOU TO TOUCH ME THERE- BUT IT'S OKAY. IT WAS A FUNNY PLAY ON WORDS." He smiled, and you understood, the tightness in your chest abating a bit.

"Ah, sorry. I'm still learning how things work, I guess."

"AND THAT'S FINE. WE'RE STILL LEARNING THINGS ABOUT HUMANS TOO, SO IT'S APPLES FOR APPLES." He leaned down to look up at you with a kind smile. "NO HARM DONE."

"Okay." You wiped your face again, managing a shaky chuckle.

"STILL UP FOR MAKING SOME RIBS? SPARE ONES, I NEED THESE ONES." He patted his chest, and he brightened as you snorted.

"Sure!"

"GREAT! I CAN SHOW YOU THE SAUCES I USE. I'VE NEVER HAD LEFTOVERS~" He winked, and you found yourself swallowing a little harder than you meant to. He didn't seem to take notice.

He stood up, taking your hands in his. "COME DOWN WHEN YOU'RE READY, OKAY? AND WE CAN START COOKING."

He let you take your hands back, heading out, closing your door behind him. You sat for a long moment, looking down at your hands, before you let your head fall into them with a groan.

Were you really crushing on a skeleton?

Chapter Text

"hey kiddo."

You looked up from your phone, Sans snickering at how you had managed to contort yourself into one of the recliners. Your top half scrunched in against the armrest while one foot was hanging off the top.

"how in gods name is that comfortable?"

"It just is~" You sent a raspberry his way, sitting up properly. "How are you?"

"eh, can't complain. i'm really craving a slurpee though. wanna bike it down an' get one?"

"by bike, you mean-" You were a bit apprehensive of motorbikes, even though you grew up around them.

"i have a sidecar."

That had you actually sitting up, eyes all wide with excitement. "Like a proper sidecar? I'm down."

He snickered again, gesturing you to follow. Sure enough, when you got to the garage, there was a motorbike complete with a sidecar big enough to carry his brother, let alone you. You started a little as he handed you a helmet. Suffice to say you had softly squee'd.

"easy there girl." He teased. "usually i have red sittin' in here when we go places.. one time edge had to call shotgun because his car was in the shop and i was the only one around who could take him to work an' you wont believe the act he put on about it."

Helmet on, he helped you into the sidecar, getting you all strapped down. He stepped up onto the car to swing himself up onto the bike, which had been altered a little for his stature. It was a big bike to begin with. Even you would barely reach the footrests.

The roar that filled the garage was substantial, the helmet dampening it considerably until you were outside, driving down to the road.

You couldn't really talk while the bike was running, so instead you just enjoyed the scenery on the way into town. It was so nice out-"Ack!"

Bug. Ew. Sans was laughing at you, what a butthole! Karma is a cruel bitch though, as he also had to hack up a unfortunate casualty. Suffice to say, you both wanted those Slurpees quickly to get the tastes out of your mouths.

You both pulled into a parking spot near a 7/11, jumping out and ridding yourselves of your helmets, Sans telling you to go first while he put them away.

Slurpee time, awww yiss~

The machine was off to the side of the counter, the slush slowly rotating in all it's icey glory. Aaaand they were out of Raspberry. Dang.

"they got ras- aw."

"They're breaking our hearts, Snas. Absolutely smashed- Wait, they have Blue lemonade! Score!" You grabbed a big cup, filling it as Sans decided between Cream Soda and Pine Lime. The fella behind the counter looking over at you both like he didn't get paid enough to deal with people as peppy as you so late in the afternoon.

Soon you had the Slurpees protected by a plastic bag, back in the bike to head back home. You also grabbed a few other convenience store nasties and some iced coffees to keep in the fridge, and to hope noone else drank. Red was a little piglet when it came to everyone else's things.

When you got back to the house, you and Sans parted ways in the foyer, him heading out to the lounge while you stopped by the kitchen, greeting Russ and Papyrus who were playing cards at the kitchen counter. You put your things away, hoping that they weren't actually betting money on the chips they had out; if so, poor Russ' pockets were being emptied into Pap's. His pile of chips considerable.

Time to go exist in your room for a while. You headed up the stairs, giving yourself a small brain freeze halfway up.

You walked along, passing by Stretch's room, glancing across to see him- Oh wait. You skipped over, leaning against his open door frame. "Well don't you scrub up nicely. Date?"

He smirked, adjusting his dress shirt. He was done up in a kind of business casual; charcoal grey slacks and pale orange shirt. He was even wearing normal people shoes, polished black loafers. "nyeh heh, actually, yeah."

A giggle bubbled up as you "Oooh~"d teasingly. "Does Blue know his brother's got a sweetheart?"

"yep. matter'a fact, he set it up."

He rolled his eyelights as you "Oooh"d more. "That's sweet of him. Do you know who it is?"

"nope. not a clue. completely blind."

You chuckled, as he made sure his shirt was all tucked in. "Well hopefully they're very nice. You deserve a good."

"nyeh heh, thanks kiddo." He came over, ruffling your hair with a chortle. You would allow it.

"Whelp, I'll leave you to it. If I don't see you again today, have a good one. Stay safe~"

He sent you a lazy two fingered salute and a smirk as you walked on towards your own room.

Where one of your nice dresses was laid out on your bed, along with your good heels sat at the door.

"What the-"

"OH! I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE HOME YET."

You looked back into the hall, Blue stood holding some hair styling tools. He was sheepish, as you raised a brow.

"What's going on?"

"OH, I THOUGHT I COULD SURPRISE YOU WITH A NIGHT OUT. A NIGHT AWAY FROM ALL THESE BONEHEADS, MWEH HEH HEH."

You looked back to the dress, and then at him, as he walked past, putting things down.

"Oh, I mean.. Sure." You were a tad confused. "Sending me off on a blind date like you did your brother, huh?" You had only been joking, but he froze, looking disappointed and sheepish. "... Blue?"

"OH DRAT.. HE SOMEHOW RUINED THE SURPRISE." He pouted, before he looked back up at you with a placating smile. "JUST FORGET THAT YOU TALKED TO HIM, OKAY? I'M GOING TO DO YOUR HAIR!"

Sweat started to form on his skull as you narrowed your eyes at him, his smile tightening. You realised what he had done.. Bugger it. Stretch would be disappointed to find out his date was you, but at least you could both turn it into a fun night out. You relaxed, before smiling.

"What kind of style were you thinking- Oh, wait, how long do I have to get ready?"

"A HALF HOUR?"

You rushed around, grabbing a razor. "I'll be right with you, Blue, I need to shower."

"BUT DIDN'T YOU ALREADY HAVE ONE TODAY?" He asked, confused as you had to chuckle.

"Yeah, but if you want me to be wearing that dress, I'll have to shave."

"OH.. OH! I DIDN'T TAKE THAT INTO ACCOUNT!" He looked a tad panicked, but you assured him it would be fine. Once that was done he could focus on your hair.

You jumped into the water a few minutes later, thankfully having mowed your legs a week prior, so it could have been worse. You managed to make great time, drying off and popping out with 20 minutes left on the clock. Enough time for Blue to play around with your hair. You were quite pleasantly taken aback with how he handled it. Skillfully, drying and curling it in sections, humming as he worked. You of course had no way to see his handiwork yet, but it was still a nice little bonding session. You chatted to him about how his day had been. Things he had planned for the week. You checked your phone with a few minutes to go.

"AND VOILA!"

He grabbed your hand, dragging you to the bathroom. Looking into the mirror, you gasped.

"Holy crap!" He'd done an amazing job, even in the rush. Your hair falling in pretty curls. "I don't think my hair has ever looked this nice in my life!"

"AW, YOU FLATTERER." He giggled, stopping as you leaned down to kiss his cheek. Blue flushing across his face.

"I really mean it, Blue. It looks amazing. Thank you. Now I know who to go to to make me look pretty." You giggled. He seemed to go a little coy.

"BUT YOU'RE ALWAYS PRETTY."

He got another smooch, giggling softly to himself.

"Now off you go while I get dressed. I'll call you back in when I'm done."

He scarpered out to the hall, as you closed the door, dropping the towel and getting into the dress.. Man, you had put on a little weight since you last wore this thing. Well, it did technically still fit, even if it did feel a tad too short, especially at the back.

Maybe the boy-shorts under it, just to be safe. Save horrifying people if you forgot and bent over.

Once you had everything in order, you called Blue back in. His eyes flooding with soft glimmers. "STARS, YOU LOOK AMAZING!"

"All thanks to my hairdresser and stylist~"

"MWEH HEH HEH!"

***

Blue had driven you to the restaurant you were going to meet 'your date' in, giving a big thumbs up as you walked away from the car. He peeped the horn, driving away. Here goes.

You walked up to the front of house, giving the name for the reservation. It was under Blue and Stretch's last name.

"For Serif? Right this way." The waitress lead you through.

Stretch was sat at a table, jacket over the back of his chair, looking across at the tank with lobsters. Thankfully not looking your way.

You stood at the side of the table for a moment, finding your nerves rising a bit. Voice a little croaky. "Hey."

He looked up. His expression shifting from surprise, to confusion.. Finally to amusement. "nyeh heh, hey there. lemme guess, blue dragged y' int' this?"

He at least didn't seem too disappointed. Actually didn't seem that way at all. That made you feel a bit better. "Lucky guess. Yeeaaah. Sorry to waste your night. Got all dressed up for nothing, huh."

"nah, no' a waste at all. y' look lovely.." You could have sworn you saw a little orange on his cheekbones, but it must have been a trick of the light. "actually pretty happy it's you. i'm no' really all tha' into th' whole blind date thing.."

"Still." You took a seat, and he slid the menu over.

"also means i can get the garlic prawns~"

A snort left you as you flicked through the plastic coated booklet. "Actually those sound good. I might grab some. That and the Marinara.. Maybe a whole bloomin' onion~" That last one was in jest, Stretch laughing.

"ge' tha' breath nice'n rank."

Another waiter approached, asking if you wanted to order entrees or choose a wine. You left that part up to your 'date', ordering an entree for yourself. Some Bruschetta. Yom.

Stretch monched on a bread stick, before he stopped, a grin slowly forming. Oh gods, what was this boy thinking?

"i wonder how many of these things i can fit in my nose hole.."

"Stretch, please.. This is a moderately nice place.. I reckon about 5." You couldn't help it, now curious. "But don't you dare sneeze them everywhere."

And so that was how the waiter carrying your starters found you, with Stretch placing the 6th stick in his nose. He looked a mix of disgusted and impressed.

"ah, thanths." Stretch said, nasally, as the man put the plates down.

".. Your, uh, wine will be out in.. A moment.." He said, before walking away. You both tried to cover up your laughter. Stretch took a stick out, eating it as you made a choked sound.

"That was up your nose, you grot!"

"yeah? ain' got no snot, babe."

"Still!" You were giggling, not noticing the pet name.

He'd removed the sticks before your wine arrived. A sweeter house Red. The waiter poured you both a glass, leaving the bottle behind. Stretch raised his glass.

"to good food, good laughs, good friends, ey?"

You smiled, clinking your glass against his, giving a soft 'hear hear' before taking a sip. Oh, it was pretty decent.

"so, how's life been. i know we don't get t' hang as much as we'd like, with workin' odd hours from each other." Stretch ate more nose sticks, to your chagrin.

"It's been okay. A few rocky moments, but good for the most part." You hummed, sipping the wine again. It was so mild and sweet. Probably terrible to a snob, but you thought it was great. "Been enjoying my housemates- Not like that! Stop with the eyebrows!"

Stretch stopped waggling them, as the waiter came back to see if you two wanted to order yet. You both did, and then you were left alone again.

".. i wonder if this place does free deserts for proposin'."

You stopped short of taking a bite of your starter, shrugging. "I think most places will give a free slice of cake or ice cream or something.. What's that look for?"

Stretch grinned, earhole to earhole. "wanna try?"

"Oh my gods, Stretch, you wouldn't- Why do you even have a ring?!" You asked in a harsh stage whisper as he flashed one from his shirt pocket, before putting it back.

"why else? t' get free desserts." He looked so smug.

"... You know what? Okay, but after we get the food.. Make it look legit. I wanna have people crying joyfully for us." You grinned, giving into your inner jokester. Stretch looked so, so happy.

Eventually the food came out, and holy hell it looked good. The starters and bread sticks were great too. Hopefully you could come back here, even after the big question.

You were about halfway through your meal, when you saw Stretch wink at you. He stood up, picking up his wine glass, tapping it with his spoon- Oh god. you were starting to have regretti, and it wasn't your spaghetti.

"ehem. hey everybody. thanks for comin' out tonight." He said, as everyone looked over. Even the wait staff were paying some attention. 

"have y' ever like, really really liked somebody? it's great. doin' kissin' and hand holdin'. a+ stuff. fantastic. sometimes even touchin' their butt? mm, exquisite."

You were too busy trying not to laugh to feel mortified. The people around a mix of confused, unsure if this was legit or not, and some just assuming this was how 'the kids' did things nowadays..

"so, i think the time has come to upgrade to a newer model- i mean, from girlfriend t' girlfriend level 2: electric boogaloo."

He fell dramatically to a knee beside you, holding up the ring. "will y' rattle these bones f' the next 70-80 years?"

Gods damn this boy. Even with the ridiculous wording, you actually felt a little flush. Or maybe that was the wine, but he was looking up at you with such a sweet, bright, expectant smile. How could you leave him hanging?

"Affirmative!" You said, just adding to the whole mess. Stretch stood and fist pumped, before crouching again, placing the ring onto your finger, finding it to be an almost perfect fit. He held his hand up for a fist bump, and you went to give him one, changing to a high five, then ending with you both giving each other a handshake. There was some spattered applause, before Stretch sat back down, going back to eating his food like nothing ever happened. You swallowed back some stray giggles to do the same, leaving an air of confusion hanging in the room.

"You cheeky bugger." You whispered, and he smiled.

"hey, gotta make it memorable~" Stretch snorted.

You hummed as you twirled some pasta on your fork. "Were you planning to try that with your blind date?"

"yeah. i mean, i dunno if i could be with someone who didn' match m' energy, yannow?"

"I get that, but.. on a first date?"

"it's big energy." He shrugged, as you snorted, grabbing a napkin to cover your mouth. "wha'?"

"Sorry! My mind inserted a word in that, heh heh."

"big dic-tionary energy?"

You gained some attention with how hard you laughed at that, but most had already written you both off as loony cases anyway.

You calmed yourself down, as someone approached your table, clearing a regal sounding throat. Stretch looked up, doing a small spit-take, which had you looking up to see what had caused it.

A skeleton dressed in head waiter garb was looking down at you both. He didn't seem impressed with Stretch.

"I WANTED TO EXTEND MY PERSONAL CONGRATULATIONS TO THE HAPPY COUPLE."

Stretch stumbled and stammered over his words, before smiling up at the other, such a guilty look on his face. The other rolled an eye.

"YOU ARE AFTER A FREE DESSERT, RIGHT?"

"nyeh heh heh, y' c'n always see righ' through me, wine."

You sighed, feeling guilty yourself. "I'm sorry. We didn't mean it to be malicious in any way."

Wine had to smirk. "LET ME GUESS, HE TALKED YOU INTO IT? USING HIS CHARM FOR MISCHIEF, AS USUAL?"

"Pretty much. We'll pay for dessert-"

"NOW I DIDN'T SAY YOU COULDN'T HAVE A LITTLE SOMETHING ON THE HOUSE."

You blinked a little in surprise. "O-oh, if you're sure. Thank you."

"IT IS QUITE ALRIGHT. I SHOULD PROPERLY INTRODUCE MYSELF." You didn't expect him to take your hand, pressing a little kiss to your knuckles. "WINE. THE LADY OF THE SKELETON HOUSE, I ASSUME?"

A giggle bubbled up, nervous and light. "That's me." You gave him your name, and he repeated it, before looking at the ring that was still on your finger.

"THAT IS AN UGLY RING, SORRY I HAVE TO SAY."

"only spent $5 on it."

You mock gasped. "Is that how little touching my butt for 70-80 years is worth to you!?"

Now Stretch was the one losing it, actually snorting! It was glorious. Wine looked like his eye was twitching.

"ANYWAY. HOW ARE YOU FINDING YOUR MEAL TONIGHT?"

"The food is wonderful. I was actually worried I wouldn't be allowed back."

"I AM GLAD TO HEAR THAT YOU ARE PLEASED WITH YOUR DINING EXPERIENCE. I KNOW THIS ONE WILL EAT ANYTHING, SO I WILL REFRAIN FROM ASKING." Wine sighed, Stretch smirking.

"grub good."

"THANK YOU FOR YOUR INPUT." Wine looked down at him, but he did take it on board. "AND THE WINE SELECTION?"

"I really like it. I'm a fan of sweeter wines, so this one really works. And it's been nice with the Marinara. I, uh, I don't know much about what wines pair with what, but this works." You smiled, a bit out of your depth, but his smile and nod made you feel a bit better.

"A SWEETER PINOT NIOR THAT PAIRS WELL WITH SEAFOOD. IT IS A FAIR TOO SWEET FOR MY OWN TASTES, BUT IT HAS RECEIVED ENOUGH PRAISE FOR ME TO BE COMFORTABLE SERVING IT." He spoke with confidence. You found yourself leaning on your hand a little, watching as he talked.

"You must know your wines, uh, Wine." You felt a flush of nerves. Dang it. Talk the dumb in front of the hot skeleton.. Wait, did you think he was hot? Stop drinking, dum dum.

"I LIKE TO KNOW ALL I CAN ABOUT THE THINGS THAT I AM PASSIONATE ABOUT." He spoke, his voice lowered a slight, as that rich red eye looked right into yours. You may have forgotten how to talk completely. He must have realised he'd garnered that reaction, going by your mouth moving slightly, his smirk growing. "I SHALL BRING YOUR DESSERTS OUT IN A MOMENT. PLEASE ENJOY THE REST OF YOUR MEALS."

He stood stoker straight, before walking away. You groaned and rubbed your face once he was out of eye and earshot.

"nyeh heh, uh, careful with y' makeup-"

"Ah!" You'd forgotten you'd been wearing any, quickly excusing yourself to go to the bathroom. Thankfully a little wet TP was enough to correct any smudges. You took a moment to actually use the bathroom, finishing up washing your hands, as a woman walked in. You looked up at her with a polite smile and nod of acknowledgement.

"I saw you flirting with that other skeleton."

You did a double take, at this woman who was stood there with hands on hips, looking at you like you were filth. "I.. Excuse me?"

"And right after you said yes to a marriage proposal!" She hissed through her teeth at you. "Have you no shame?"

"Okay, before you get all fired up, it wasn't a real proposal-"

"That boy put his.. Strange heart out to you, and you think so little of that? You.. You whore!"

"Wow, okay, I meant it was a prank to get free dessert. Jump on down off that moral high horse, Susan."

"Wh- My name isn't Susan!"

"Sorry, Janet."

"How did you know my name?" She looked worried now. You tried so hard not to laugh.

"I'm sorry? Look, it was his idea to fake propose to try and see if we'd get a free dessert. Noone is getting hurt. The owner knows we were faking it, but he's nice and giving us dessert anyway." You said, the anger in her face starting to lessen. "We were just being idiots."

"I.. You played with the emotions of a lot of people."

"It was pretty obviously fake, with what he was saying."

"I just thought it was a strange in-joke or something.. Okay, now that you say it, it was a bit.. Odd." She seemed to be lightening up.

"Hey, I do apologise for upsetting you. It wasn't meant to be mean spirited at all."

"No, no, I'm sorry for judging too harshly. That was mean of me.."

"It's fine. Truce?" You offered, and she even chuckled. She went off to do her ablutions, and you went back to the table. Stretch looked up, smiling.

"nyeh heh, lookin' good, kiddo."

"Thank you faux-ancé~" You tittered, beaming back at him with a cheeky grin. He gave one back.

"YOUR DESSERTS, LOVEBIRDS." Wine teased, as he placed two decently sized cuts of chocolate mud cake and chocolate ice cream down. You had to give him a thankful smile, before he went off back to the kitchen.

"nyeh heh heh, we shoul' do this more often."

After dinner was done, you both walked down to the nearby boardwalk, which was more of a lakeside dining strip. Stretch had said he wanted to pull out as many date cliches as he could, and it warmed your heart. Such a sweet guy, as ridiculous as he could be.. You would have to thank Blue later for setting you both up.

That had you thinking; what were Blue's motives in this?

Did he actually want you dating his brother? Was it just for fun? Did he know that it would end up as something like this? He had taken time to make you look your best, so.. Maybe he was trying to match you with his little brother..

That was kinda sweet. Sure, you liked Stretch- Wait.. You liked Stretch..

"wassup?"

You jolted a little, realising you had drifted off with the pixies in your mind. "Oh, just.. Do you think Blue is actually trying to get us together?"

"probably."

That was all you got from him, his gaze out over the lake. The moon was at about half full, the glow soft over the rippling water.

"I hope he's not too disappointed that his plans fell through, huh?"

"heh, yeah.."

You studied him, the way he was looked away from you, his slouch, how his cheeks were ever so softly shaded vermilion..

"Stretch?"

"huh?"

".. Are you disappointed?"

"heh, nah." He answered a bit too quickly, but didn't seem to notice himself. "like i said, much rather have a fun nigh' ou' with m' favourite human than have t' watch m'self and try an' impress someone new."

It did make sense..

"Wait, I'm your favourite human? Awww, Stretch, my heart~" You giggled. He turned to look at you with a cheeky grin, but it only just met his eyes. You wouldn't push anything now, electing to just enjoy your night out. With your friend.

"hey, kiddo, wanna go fishin'?"

"Where the fuck did you get those rods from?!"

***

You had actually caught something, and not just the weird looks from people milling around. You had let the fishy go back into the water before you both made your way home. By the time you got there, you just wanted a glass of chocolate milk and to sleep, but you still had to de-cake your face. You didn't want to shower and ruin your curls though. Ugh. Milk first.

"HOW DID IT GO?"

You had peeped and jumped at the sudden volume, before realising Blue was stood in the kitchen doorway. You had to giggle at yourself. "It was a good night. We had dinner and then had a walk. Then we went fishing."

"... FISHING?" Poor Blue repeated, looking a tad frustrated, but when you told him it had been a lot of fun, he lightened up.

"Thanks for arranging everything. That was really sweet of you."

"DID.. ANYTHING ELSE HAPPEN? ANYTHING ROMANTIC MAYBE?"

Looking down at his puppy dog like expression, you realised that he had in fact been trying to set you both up romantically. Aw.

"Well, we faked a marriage proposal to try and get free dessert.. It worked."

The flat look he gave you had you shoving your knuckles against your mouth to quell a laugh.

"WHY DID I EXPECT ANYTHING LESS." He sighed, before he smiled up at you softly. "I'M JUST GLAD YOU BOTH HAD FUN."

"We did. Thanks." You grabbed your bottle of choc milk, closing the fridge and walking over. You kissed the top of his skull. "Goodnight, Blue. Sweet dreams."

"GOODNIGHT. YOU TOO.."

With a last smile, you headed up to your room, deciding to just scrub your face off in the sink before crashing for the night.

Chapter Text

"HUMAN!"

You roused, still all rolled up in your covers. Blinking away sleep groggily and making a sound something short of a honk. 

"HUUMAAAAN!"

"Ugggh, what Razz?" You grumbled.

"HUUUMAAAN!"

He was right at your closed door, his shrill nasally voice booming through, causing some audible groans from your nearby neighbours.

"What, Razz?! Stop yelling! I'm awake. You can come in if you'll keep to a reasonable volume."

The door burst open, Razz stomping in, looking at you with a sharp glare.

"IT IS TIME FOR WALKIES- I MEAN WALKING."

Wait.. Oh.. Oh, you had agreed to going on a morning walk with him for 'BONDING TIME'. Your whole body gave a guttural shudder. What time was it, even.. 5:30am!?

"Raaazz, it's way too early.."

"IT IS OPTIMAL WALKING TIME. THE MOUNTAIN AIR IS HUMID AND CLEAR, AND THE TEMPERATURE IS COOL AND CRISP. WOULD YOU RATHER START ON A WALK WHEN IT STARTS TO GET HOT?"

Well.. He was right. You gurgled, pulling yourself out of your doona trap, and managing to fall right out of bed with a thud. Razz facepalmed, sighing, before his face went dark crimson, eyelights shrinking down.

"WHY ARE YOU NOT WEARING PANTS?!" His voice had gone up a whole octave.

Oh.. Oh. You had pulled your pants off last night and slept in your work shirt, like a grot. Sure enough, you were laying all legs akimbo, in only said shirt and bikini style grey panties. Poor Razz was getting an eyeful.

"Don't just stare at me, you perv!" You had meant it in jest, but he had quickly turned away, shaking slightly, the red creeping up over his temporal bones and around the back of his skull.

"I WASN'T STARING AT YOUR PANTIES!"

"Sure you weren't." You righted yourself, grabbing your pants off the ground and quickly slipping them on for now. Razz' shouting had a few others coming out to check what was going on. Edge just storming on in. At least you had your pants on now.

"RAZZ, WHY ARE YOU IN HERE LOOKING AT THE HUMAN'S PANTIES?"

"I WASN'T! FOR FUCKS SAKE! SHE'S THE ONE WHO FLASHED HER SNATCH AT ME!"

"I did no such thing!" You snapped, but they were too into snapping at each other to pay you any mind now.

"YOU REALLY ARE A SANS DEEP DOWN, AREN'T YOU, YOU FILTHY LITTLE GREMLIN!"

"AT LEAST I'M NOT A COMPLETE REPROBATE LIKE YOUR ABHORRENT BROTHER!"

"enough!" Said reprobate had yelled, deep and booming. He pointed to his brother. "you, go back t' bed." Then he pointed at Razz. "you, shut y' fuckin' loud arse mouth an' ogle th' human quietly."

"Oi!" You yelled, finally getting their attention. "I fell out of bed, I wasn't flashing anyone. Now, get the fuck out of my room. I will meet you in the kitchen in 5 minutes, Razz. Now all of you, out!"

They shuffled out, all seeming a little shell shocked, and you closed your door. Ugggghhh. Men!

Taking a moment to breath, you relaxed, before changing into something more comfortable, as mortification slooowly started to rise up to where it should have been. Ugh, you kinda did flash poor Razz.. He didn't have to hurt your feelings, though.

Just.. Forget about it. Go for a nice walk. It was a nice morning out, and all that adrenaline had you feeling nervous energy you could work off.

Putting some runners on, you grabbed your phone and headed down. Sure enough, a still flustered Razz was waiting. He didn't say a word, even as you headed out, walking along the dirt trail out of the property and out into the parklands.

You had been walking for a good 5 or 6 minutes, before he finally spoke up.

"I WANT TO APOLOGISE, FOR.. NOT BEING MORE DISCREET."

"Sorry for flashing you. It was an accident." You met him halfway, actually shooting him a smile when he finally looked up at your face. "That must have been horrible, and first thing in the morning."

He had stopped, and you had taken a few stops before you realised he had stopped. He'd gone a little red again.

"Razz?"

"IT WASN'T HORRIBLE AT ALL.."

You cocked your head a little, looking thoughtful. He bridged the few steps, looking up at you with a solid, bright eyed, semi-stoic look.

"YOU HAVE LOVELY.. LEGS."

Silence hung in the air, broken by a nearby Cockatoo deciding now was the time to scream at the rising heat orb.

"You.. Think I have nice leg-"

"YES NOW DROP IT!" His face went crimson again as he started power walking away. You could have aw'd at him, but you didn't dare. You giggled softly, jogging a bit to catch up with him, where he had slowed his steam by now. Neither of you said anything more, but at least now you knew that you had a leg up on winning over the tiny tyrant's affections.

Again not a word was shared as you both walked, not until you had arrived back home, and only to offer him some scrambled eggs. He had nodded, heading off for what you assumed was a shower. He was back when you were plating up, quietly monching next to you.. It was nice. Nice and quiet.

By the time everyone else had come down to join you and Razz in the kitchen, news of his capers had spread, the smartarses in the house starting to give him shit about seeing your unmentionables. He seemed oddly non-reactive, just.. Eating. You were the one starting to get irritated by all the puns and pushes. You were about to tell everyone to drop it too when Razz let out a tinkering giggle. Mutt was warily watching his big bro as he walked around, putting his plate in the dishwasher, heading to the kitchen door, before looking back with a sharp grin.

"YOU'RE ALL SO JEALOUS, IT'S HILARIOUS~"

He left, leaving a few jaws open. Your own included.

***

Why was it so unusually warm today? Ugh, you didn't feel like stripping down to bare minimum in a house full of men, so you had elected to put on board shorts and white T-shirt and keep cool with an icy pole. It was cooler outside in the shade than in the house. Good thing you had gone for that walk so early.

You settled yourself on a swinging bench attached to the front porch, resting your legs on a wooden crate you pulled over, pushing yourself to gently rock.

"sup kitten~"

You looked over to see Red leaning on the balcony railing from the outside. He had a cheeky smirk, but as you watched him it seemed to drop ever so slightly, as a soft sheen of sweat appeared on his skull, eyelights a little smaller.

"Hey Red. Trying to escape the heat too?" You licked a dribble of melting raspberry from the edge of the ice treat, as he seemed to fluster a little, taking a moment to answer. When he did, his voice was a tad croaky and heavy.

"oh, heh, yeah, the heat.. so, uh.. heh.. ehem.."

He was sweating more now, a slight tint of red to the moisture. You cocked your head. "You okay the-"

"fine! super. fuckin' fantastic!" He spluttered, his eyes very decidedly on the ice block you were lifting to your mouth.

His eyelights shrunk down to barely anything as you bit a fair chunk of it off, chewing it. It stung the back of your front teeth a bit, but you powered through it.

"Sure y' ohay?" You asked with your mouth full, but he was already gone.. Oh well.

Oh dang, you'd somehow dribbled raspberry down your chin and onto your shirt. When did that happen?

***

Wandering into the kitchen to dispose of your stick, you noticed a notepad sitting out. Something written on it in big letters with many underlines and exclamation points. Curious, you peeked.

NO POPCICLES OR NICECREAMS!!!!
OR CORNDOGS!!!
BANNED!!!

What the hell? Was it because you'd made a mess of yourself?

"HUMAN!"

"Oh Christ on a pushbike! Edge! Don't do that!"

He stormed in and over, poking the paper violently with a gloved claw. "NO. MORE!"

"Why not? I can soak my shirt."

He'd not actually noticed, and when he did it just made him more frazzled. "IT'S NOT THAT.. THAT IS ALSO A GOOD REASON TO BAN PHALLIC TREATS."

He stomped off to the fridge as you mouthed that to yourself.

"YES, PHALLIC! I HAD RED PLANNED TO DO HOUSEWORK TODAY AND NOW HE WON'T COME OUT OF HIS ROOM, PROBABLY JACKING IT TO THE IMAGE OF YOU DEEPTHROATING AN ICE BLOCK!"

A choked sound left you. "I don't want to consider anything he might do to my image. But for your information, I did no such thing! I had an iced lolly because it's fucking hot! I wasn't doing anything inherently sexual in the slightest! If that's what Red took from it then that is entirely on him and not me! And it has nothing to do with you so.. Aagh!" You let yourself verbalise that frustration. You were so pissed!

"YOU'RE THE ONE FLASHING RAZZ YOUR UNDERWEAR AND EATING.. LONG THINGS IN FRONT OF RED!"

You were about to snap again, when something cooled your jets.. Edge was flustered. He was blushing. Oh.

"You're jealous.."

That was an indignant squawk, making his fluster even more obvious. "WHY WOULD I BE JEALOUS OF A SQUISHY LITTLE HUMAN?!"

"No, not me.. You're jealous of the others.."

"NYEH! IMPOSSIBLE!"

"You're jealous that they've been able to perv on me- You are! Look at how red your face is!"

It was glowing like a red light.

"IT IS NOT! THIS IS ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS! THIS IS SLANDER AND I WILL NOT STAND FOR IT!"

"Oh for gods sake, stop being such an emotionally constipated, mouthy tsundere drama queen!" You were speaking without really thinking now.

His mouth opened and closed as he floundered.

"Just be a big boy and ask me on a date if that's what you want! You're the 'great and powerful' Edge, so start acting like it!"

He closed his hands into fists, trembling. "FINE!"

"Fine, what?"

"YOU WILL GO ON A DATE WITH ME." He was stood stiffly.

You threw your head back, groaning. "OhMyGod Ask! Don't demand!"

"I AM ASKING YOU TO GO ON A DATE WITH ME."

As if everything ground to a halt, silence filled the room, bar another choked sound leaving you. Softer than the last.. Edge had just asked you out.

".. You.. Want to go on a date.. With me?"

He was looking off to the side, arms crossed tight across his chest, his face brilliantly crimson. "YES. TONIGHT. I WILL ARRANGE EVERYTHING. JUST LOOK PRESENTABLE AND BE READY TO LEAVE AT 7."

With that, he stomped out.

You finally managed to close your mouth, your own face likely as red. So.. Date with Edge.. Tonight..

You took a moment to calm yourself, before heading up to your room. Damn.. With how succinct he was about time, it could lead you believe that he had plans all ready to implement. Knowing him, that was highly likely.

Oh lordy, what were you going to wear?

***

You had just finished getting ready. You hadn't gone as all out as you did as with your 'date' with Stretch, mainly because you didn't want to bother Blue. You had tied your hair back, wearing an old black dress you had. Edge liked black, right? 'like his soouul~' or something cliché like that. A knock on your door brought you out of your thoughts, taking a look at the time. You still had ten minutes. "Who is it?"

"red."

"Ah, come in?"

He opened the door, looking a tad incredulous. For a long moment, you simply stood staring at each other, before he closed the door.

"th' fuck are y' doin'?"

"Getting ready to go on a date?" You shrugged. "What does it look like-hey!"

He had ported over, pushing you back onto the side of your bed, sitting you down. You were so ready to scold him, but.. Something about his expression had you slumping. He looked concerned.

"firs' off, y' look lovely. secon'.. y' c'n't break his heart."

"Break his.. This is just a date, Red, it doesn't mean we're gonna run off down the courthouse and-"

"listen f' five fuckin' seconds wi'ou' gettin' all sassy on me, girl." He huffed, shutting you up. "tha's better.. boss is no' takin' this ligh'ly, as much as ye' are.. look, doll, we came from a shitty place. y' don' wear y' hear' on y' sleeve unless y' wanna be lv f' some stronger monster.. so this is a li'l more heavy than say someone like paps or stretch or blue, or hell, even grey or russ askin' y' out.."

"Okay.." You said, letting him know you were listening.

He relaxed a hair. "y' know how he is. emotionally fucked. showin' weakness is f' lesser monsters.. so i jus' don' wan' him t' feel like showin' it is a waste'a time."

"So what should I do? I admit this was all very sudden.. We were having a fight over you getting riled over ice blocks." You said, and he groaned, rubbing his face and going red.

"fuckin' 'ell.."

"Don't worry, secret is safe with me." You tried to lighten the mood. "Your bro? Not so much."

He looked at you through the gaps in his fingers, managing a little smile as he sighed. It faltered again when he took his hand away, putting both of his in his jacket pockets. "le' 'im down easy as y' can.. make sure he knows tha' it's no' serious, bu' tha' y' still wanna have a nice time.. be honest wi' 'im."

"I can do that. I do want to get to know him better.. And if I can get to know the guy behind the tsun-tsun."

That made Red chuckle. "yeah, good luck wi' tha', babe."

"Thank you."

Your genuine acceptance of his wishes seemed to throw him off a little, leading to red faced grumbling in his fluffy jacket trim. "yeh, wha'ever toots. apart from all'at, have a nice nigh'."

"I will, and hopefully Edge will too."

He shot you lazy finger guns before vanishing.

With a full body sigh, you got up and headed into the bathroom to put a bit more effort into your makeup and hair, putting on your nicer heels.

About a minute to seven, you were walking down the stairs, putting your phone and wallet into your bag.

"OH, ARE YOU GOING OUT SOMEWHERE?"

Internally you winced, looking over at Blue, about to open your mouth when you were tugged, your arm placed into the crook of another's.

"SHE IS GOING OUT ON A DATE WITH I, THE GREAT AND POWERFUL EDGE. DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT, PIPSQUEAK?"

Again you winced internally at the flat, almost suspicious look Blue gave you. Yikes, you realised how suss this came off. You gave him a little smile. "We're just going out to dinner, and Edge, don't call Blue that."

Your date huffed. Blue simply turning and walking up the stairs. You swallowed back the hurt, feeling like scum, even though technically you were doing nothing wrong.

"NOW THEN. I WILL BE DRIVING US TO A NICE RESTAURANT."

"Is it Wine's?"

"... DAMN IT."

You stifled a giggle, patting his shoulder. "I like Wine's. Is that where we're going?"

"YES. I MADE RESERVATIONS."

"Fantastic. Good choice." You said, meaning it. The fact that it seemed to perk him was up a plus. He walked you all the way down to his car, that he had parked valet style in front of the house.

He even opened the passenger side door for you. Who was this skeleton and what did he do with Edge? Maybe Red was right. Heck.

Once you were buckled up, you were both soon on the road in his flashy black car. It was really nice. He worked some office job in town, something executive. He certainly got paid like one. He wasn't a miser though by any means. He seemed to like giving it away. Either buying things for himself or spending it on the household. On Red.

Just the other day he'd gotten you a new set of nice work pants. Proper Autograph slacks. Nicest work pants you'd had in years..

He was so sweet, even if he acted like a right twat..

"Hey, uh.. Edge?"

"WHAT? .. I MEAN, YES?"

"Can we talk.. About this?"

He glanced over from the road. "IS SOMETHING THE MATTER?"

"No, no, I just want to talk.. Can we pull over for a bit?"

He seemed a bit incredulous, but he pulled off on a shoulder, killing the engine but leaving the power on for light.

"WHAT?"

You placed your hands in your lap, looking down at them, before looking up into his eyes. His gaze was not one you were expecting. His brow far less furrowed than usual.

Shit. You were essentially about to friend zone the poor spiky bastard.

"Edge.. Please don't take this the wrong way, but-"

You were surprised when he put his hand up, pausing you mid thought.

"LET ME GUESS. YOU DO NOT WANT THIS TO BE A ROMANTIC DATE."

"I.." You slumped, looking up at him. "Edge, I really do think you're a decent guy, under all of your.. Eccentricities- I mean that in the best way!" You assured, his brows lifting. "But.. At least not right now. I would much rather we can be friends. I'm sure there are things we can bond over, and I do want to have a nice dinner out with you." Your eyes implored him to understand, to not be too hurt.

So it was another shock to you when he burst into loud, grating laughter.

"NYEH HEH HEH HEH, NYEH HEH, YOU ACTUALLY THOUGHT THAT I WAS ATTRACTED TO YOU? IN THAT WAY? YOU ARE A HUMAN. WHY WOULD I FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT A HUMAN?"

You felt mad, sitting up stoker straight as your own brow furrowed, before you just.. relaxed. This was all facade. He was trying to protect himself.

"You know what, Edge?"

His laughter stopped, a questioning 'NYEH?' leaving him.

"I think you're bluffing."

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" 

He squawked as you reached up and flicked the tip of his nasal bone. Poor guy actually went cross eyed, but he was quick to shake it off, glaring down at you.. But he couldn't seem to to keep anger in his gaze.

"You act so brash and nasty to everyone, but deep down, you're soft."

"I AM NOT! I WILL NOT SIT HERE AND TOLERATE THIS SLANDER!" He snapped, but you could hear the uncertainty in his tone. Just barely there, but it was there.

"Softie bones." You said with a teasing sort of sing song, stopping when he slammed the wheel, making the horn pip loudly.

"I AM NOT A SOFTIE! I AM NOT! I AM STRONG AND INTIMIDATING!"

You sat back a little at how loud he growled that, wondering if it was a bad idea to poke the bear, in hindsight. He was staring hard ahead, his hands now gripping the wheel hard enough to make the leather creak. 

"I AM A HARDASS BECAUSE I HAVE TO BE." His shoulders slumped, his sockets closing. "GO AHEAD AND MAKE FUN, LIKE ALL THE OTHERS. YOU WOULD NEVER UNDERSTAND.."

You felt so bad. You didn't intend to hurt him, only to try and break through that hard shell. Well, mission accomplished. You were a jerk. "Edge, I.. I'm sorry.. Red told me that things were tough.."

He tensed for a moment, opening his sockets and slowly looking across at you. "RED TOLD YOU?"

"He came to see me before I came down.. That's why I was trying to let you down gently. He told me that it would hurt more to lead you on, even if that's not what I was trying to do."

"YOU.. DON'T LIKE ME THAT WAY." With that said, he slumped, forehead resting against the steering wheel. "YOU WERE JUST HUMOURING ME."

"Edge.." Again you felt like an ass.

"I JUST WENT AHEAD AND CORNERED YOU INTO THIS." He said, staring out into the dark again.

"I mean.. Yeah, you kinda did.. But I'm just as much to blame for getting mad and not thinking before speaking." You said. "I.. Didn't want to upset you or make things awkward.."

"AND NOW THINGS ARE EVEN MORE AWKWARD." He looked across at you, before his mouth pulled into a small, amused smirk. The sight of it make you chuckle softly, which set off a chuckle in him. It didn't take long before you were both laughing at how silly it all was.

"Okay, how about we go have this dinner. Have a good time. Eat good food and then we go home and get a good sleep." You offered, and he nodded.

"THAT.. SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD PLAN FOR NOW."

He started the car up again, pulling back onto the road into town. Once a parking spot was found, you both made your way up and into the restaurant. It was busy, just like last time, but you weren't surprised.

Edge opened the door for you, letting you in. The Maitre d' looked up, cocking her head a little as recognition hit her. You smiled sheepishly, as Edge caught up.

"RESERVATION FOR SERIF?"

"Yes, please come with me." She didn't question seeing you with another skeleton even after you were 'promised' to another a mere few nights before.

You were shown to your table, Edge pulling out your seat for you.

"I trust you wont yank it out from under me?"

"WE'RE IN A NICE PLACE. SO NO.. NOT THIS TIME."

Edge? Making a joke? It was a nice change. You settled, Edge pushing the chair in before he took his own and grabbed a menu.

You picked your own up, when something struck you. "Oh, you have the same surname as Stretch and Blue."

"NYEH? OF COURSE I DO. WE ARE ALL TECHNICALLY FAMILY." He huffed at your lack of knowledge, but it made you hum.

"So.. Everyone at the house has the same last name?"

"THAT'S WHAT I SAID."

"Technically you didn't, but okay. Is it a skeleton thing?"

The voice that answered wasn't Edge's, even though he opened his mouth, shutting it as he looked up.

"SOMEWHAT. I AM ALSO PART OF THE SERIF CLAN." Wine chuckled, coming over to say hello. He looked between the both of you. "THERE WILL BE NO ENGAGEMENTS TONIGHT, I ASSUME?" He smirked, Edge flustering slightly before he recalled the whole Stretch thing, grumbling behind his menu as you giggled.

"No, no, don't worry." You looked down at your menu, deciding on a pumpkin Gnocchi this time.

Wine grinned, taking down your order himself. "I JUST DON'T WANT YOU GETTING A REPUTATION."

You looked up at him with a cheeky half smile. "I just love me some skeletons, I guess~"

Wine spluttered softly, laughing, his cheekbones a tad coloured. Edge hiding the extent of his flush well behind his menu; you didn't notice.

"IF YOU KEEP BRINGING THEM AROUND, PEOPLE WILL KNOW THAT." Wine snickered. That was kinda suss. Especially after the show last time. If Wine had other regulars..

Oh well. It didn't matter what strangers thought.

Edge ordered the lasagna, huffing when Wine said that he'd already written that down.

When he left to go get your food ready, you looked around. Edge coughed softly, doing the same.

".. SO."

He was looking off at the Lobster tank. You had to chuckle a little. "So. Maybe next time we can get the seafood. I had the Marinara last time."

"I SUPPOSE- YOU WANT TO COME BACK HERE, WITH ME?" He seemed surprised, looking at you with wider sockets.

"If you want to."

His gaze lingered on you almost curiously, before he looked back over at the tank. "I SUPPOSE.."

A waiter came over, with a bottle of fancy red, a gift from the owner. You had been pleasantly surprised, asking him to thank Wine. Edge seemed.. Slightly bothered by it.

"A BIT BOLD OF HIM TO BE GIVING GIFTS TO MY DATE."

You looked up, raising a brow. "I thought this wasn't a date-"

"IT'S NOT, OF COURSE NOT, BUT.. STILL! WHAT IF IT WAS! THAT IS OUT OF LINE. WHY DOESN'T HE BARGE RIGHT OVER AND STICK HIS TONGUE DOWN YOUR THROAT WHILE HE'S AT IT?"

"Edge!" You gasped, glaring at him as a few others looked over at you. "Keep your voice down."

"WHAT?" His arms sat folded over his chest, nose in the air.

You rolled your eyes, earning a huff from your not-date. "It's for the both of us."

His haughtiness seemed to melt a little, as he held his glass out to you. You shook your head as you poured him a glass, then yourself one. It seemed to pass the taste test, Edge humming, giving a curt nod and taking another sip.

This guy.

Soon your food was set down, and you both readily tucked in, the eating giving you both something to do so you didn't have to, god forbid, talk to each other. Again the food was top notch. Heh, top gnocchi.

"THAT WAS TERRIBLE." Edge grunted, and you giggled at realising you made the pun under your breath.

"Sorry, guess it doesn't have enough layers."

You bit your lip with a smirk as he looked confused. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TA-.. GET OUT."

You laughed, trying not to be too loud and bother the other diners. Something in Edge's expression seemed to twitch, before he rolled his eyelights, picking a bite of his pasta up on his fork.

"DON'T GET SAUCY WITH ME."

You stopped laughing, your jaw dropping. He looked unsure, before he grumbled, hunching a bit.

"You punned!"

"I WAS MERELY MOCKING YOU!"

"No! You made a pun!"

"IT WAS ONLY TO MAKE YOU HAPPY!"

"Awww, Edgy!"

"STOP SMILING LIKE THAT." His cheekbones went red as you giggled, giving him such a saccharine smile. "YOU LOOK RIDICULOUS!"

"Hurting my feelings, Edge."

"I.. DON'T CARE?" He may not have meant the wavering upwards inflection, looking away.

You shook your head with a smile, picking up your glass. "Whatever you wanna believe, Edge."

He pouted, slowly looking over at you, before he softly huffed and went back to his food.

The rest of the meal was quiet, but the silence was more on the companionable side than the awkward. It was.. Nice.

Wine came back over when you were pretty much done, asking how everything was, hoping it was to your liking. You had once again given everything solid praise. Even Edge said that it was adequate. Which was as good of a compliment as Wine was going to get from him. Even so, Wine thanked him for his input, taking your finished dishes and cutlery away himself. Before he left your table, he had a few parting words for Edge, delivered with such a cocksure smirk.

"DON'T WORRY, EDGE. I WASN'T TRYING TO INFILTRATE YOUR DATE. I WOULD BE FAR MORE OF A GENTLEMAN THAN TO TRY AND, WHAT WAS IT? SHOVE MY TONGUE DOWN HER THROAT? CHARMING."

Edge made a sound halfway between a huff and a squawk, as Wine sauntered away. You barely withheld the giggles bubbling up.

"COCKY PRICK."

"Oh, be nice." You sighed, but still amused. Honestly you wouldn't have minded if he'd- No, wait, stop that train of thought at the station and unpack the luggage.

"WHY ARE YOU ALL RED?"

Oh gods.

"Oh, nothing, just a bit overheated."

"IT'S NOT THAT WARM IN HERE."

"It's.. Human stuff."

"DON'T ELABORATE, PLEASE." He held up a hand, looking away. You shook the flush off, finishing up with dinner drinks, before heading up to pay the tab. You were expecting to split the bill, like you did with Stretch, but before you could even get your wallet out, Edge had already passed a credit card over. You opened your mouth to object, but the way he looked at you stopped you before you could get a word out. His brows lifting, almost to say 'allow me'. Fine. You would try and pay him back later. If doing things this way made him feel better.

With dinner paid for, you both started off on a walk back to the car. When you got to it, he seemed to keep walking. He stopped, looking back at your visible confusion.

"I THOUGHT, SINCE IT IS A NICE NIGHT, THAT WE COULD TAKE A WALK."

You looked back at the car, before you skipped up to meet him again. He lifted his arm, offering it to you. You decided to oblige him, placing your hand in the crook of it. His chest puffing up a bit as you continued on.

This was actually pretty nice. It was nice and cool out after dark, the heat of the day being carried away by the southerlies coming through. This was your favourite kind of summer weather.

"NOT COLD ARE YOU?"

"Oh? Nah, I'm fine."

"GOOD, BECAUSE I'M NOT GIVING YOU MY JACKET. IT'S ARMANI."

"Thanks Edge." You sighed, smiling, just shaking your head.

"... THANKS FOR WHAT? NYEH?"

You had stopped, looking into a shopfront. Froyo. Oh man, you loved Froyo.

"LET ME GUESS. YOU WANT SOME OF THAT DISGUSTING ICED YOGHURT WITH OVERPRICED TOPPINGS."

"Geez, Edge, when you put it like that, yes."

It was his turn to sigh, rolling his eyes with an over the top exasperated expression, waving for you to go in. Yay!

Edge had to duck under some of the hanging advertisements inside the shop, as you grabbed a small cup. He grabbed a large, ripping the small out of your hand, and placing the large into it. Hey, you weren't gonna complain. You sent him a smile of thanks, missing the colour that bloomed across his cheekbones for a moment when your focus shifted to choosing a flavour.

"COCONUT? RASPBERRY CHEESECAKE.. A TAD PRETENTIOUS, ISN'T IT?"

You gave a soft snort. "You'd know all about that, wouldn't you."

Edge stopped, narrowing his gaze down at you. "YOU'RE A LITTLE BITCH WHEN YOU WANT TO BE."

"Sorry Edge." You genuinely apologised. That was kind of mean. He just laughed.

"NOW, I DIDN'T SAY THAT WAS SUCH A BAD THING, DID I?" He smirked, before he decided on the coconut. He rationalised that it was probably the healthiest choice. What, was he watching his figure? Guy had no arse.

No.. That was a boldfaced lie. He looked pretty damn good in those pants.

Shaking that from your head, you decided to get a blob of coconut, cheesecake and chocolate. Edge looked into your cup, a disgusted sort of scowl on his face. You told him to keep his observations of your mess of Froyo to himself, which earned a chuckle.

"YOU CAN HAVE MORE THAN THREE PATHETIC LITTLE DOLLOPS. I GAVE YOU THE BIG CUP FOR THAT REASON."

"It's expensive.."

"AND I AM PAYING FOR IT, SO WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?"

You felt yourself pout, and it seemed to catch him off guard.

"WHAT'S WRONG NOW?"

"I'm not unable to pay for things, big guy. I'm happy to go halves. You don't have to pay for everything. It's sweet of you, but it's not going to impress me.." You looked up after a few seconds of silence, surprised that he actually looked thoughtful.

"WELL.. CONSIDER IT A CONSOLATION PRIZE FOR HAVING TO SPEND TIME WITH ME."

"Hey hey hey! None of that. As catty as we've been, I've been having a great time with you." You meant it, levelling him with a raised set of brows. He mumbled something that you couldn't quite make out, a bit of colour on his cheeks again, before he told you to "SHUT UP AND GET MORE FROZEN YOGURT."

Fine. You sighed softly to yourself, pulling a few more shots of each flavour, quickly cheering up when you saw that they had all the good shit in the topping bar. 

"Oooh, brownie bits."

"WHAT ARE THOSE?" He pointed to some of the Mochi cubes.

"Those are Mochi, like, japanese rice jelly cake? They're really nice. Here, I'll put some in mine so you can try the-"

He put one of each flavour into his own cup, and you shrugged. Whatever. You could offer to take them if he didn't like them.

After loading up with your faves, ie brownie bits and mini-m&ms, you were ready to enjoy your creation. Edge put his cup down with your own, the too-chipper cashier weighing them and giving you the total. Edge pulling out his credit card. She looked at it, then him. "Uh, I'm sorry sir, we don't take Amex here. We can take Visa or Mastercard."

"TCH." He said more to himself, as you gave the poor girl a sheepish smile. He pulled a different card out, holding it over the tap and pay sensor. "IT'S LIKE COMPANIES JUST DON'T WANT MONEY."

"I think the merchant fees are too high." You chuckled, the girl smiling as she passed the cups back over, wishing you a good evening. Edge didn't realise she'd added the spoons, looking around for them before you pointed it out, only able to giggle at the half-hearted dirty he shot you.

You both waked to a nearby park to sit and eat your Froyo, looking out over the grassy area as you ate. He tried one of the Mochi, deciding it was worthy. You tried to pretend that you didn't see him smile as he ate the others.

That was actually adorable..

Soon, you had both emptied your cups, sitting in the cool night air. You looked out, giving a little shiver. It was getting a little nippy. You were about to suggest packing it in, when you felt something slip over your shoulders. Edge looking out the other way, acting like it was no big deal that he'd just given you his jacket. The one he was adamant that he wouldn't be giving you..

Big old softie bones..

You felt like making a deal out of it would be pointless, merely snuggling into the warmth without a word. That may have been the right choice, just barely catching that smile behind his hand.

"Hmm, it's getting a bit late. Wanna head back home?"

"MMM, I SUPPOSE SO. VERY WELL. LET'S GO."

You dumped the cups in a nearby bin, before meeting back up with him to walk back to the car. The walk and the ride back were done in companionable silence. You were a bit tired, but you felt pretty happy with how the night had gone, despite a few hiccups.

He parked in front of the house again, walking around to open your door, letting you out. You walked up to the front door, as he pulled out the keys, unlocking it. He was about to push it open, when you gently tapped his arm, a 'NYEH?' leaving him.

You gestured for him to lean down with a crooked finger, and he did. When he did, you stood on tip toes, pressing a kiss to his cheekbone. It instantly flushed red.

"Thanks for the night out, Edge. I had fun. Here." You took off his jacket, giving it back to him, before you pushed the door open and stepped inside. "Goodnight."

He had stood there a little longer, reaching up to touch his cheek, before he shook himself off, heading in too. You had already headed up to your room to unwind and wash off the makeup and get into comfy clothes. Shuffling under your covers, you sent Red a quick message telling him that the non-date went well, and you'd had a good night. You assumed Edge did too.

After a little light reading, you had fallen asleep, phone still in your hand.

***

You woke up a short time later, to a lingering sense of unease.

What was that noise? Voices raised downstairs? Mutt growling? Something didn't feel right as you crept downstairs. The front door was sitting wide open, voices drifting in from outside.

"GET BACK HERE YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!"

That was Razz, and he sounded close to tears! You rushed out, almost running into Grey as he startled. He looked to you almost imploringly as his brother was trying to wrangle a growling, sloppily moving Mutt from the driver's seat of Russ' car. Something was wrong. He seemed like he was drunk or something.

Razz was stood back, Russ dealing with being hit haphazardly as Mutt tried to fight back in his inebriated state. "STOP IT NOW! YOU ARE NOT GETTING IN THAT FUCKING CAR, YOU'LL HURT YOURSELF! STOP STOP, PAPYRUS! STOP!!"

You felt your own tears fall as Razz broke down hyperventilating. Grey rushing over and pulling him back, but unlike his brother, he didn't fight it.

"fffuck off!" Mutt snarled, heavily slurred, as he finally managed to throw Russ off, who fell on his arse. He got right back up, but Mutt had managed to get in, and shut and lock the door of the car, Russ banging on the window as it revved to life. That was when Russ took large steps back, knowing that bar porting in and causing an accident, they had to let him go. Right now it was the safest option.

Mutt peeled out of the property, taking some fencing and the letterbox with him.

"Oh gods.." You gasped.

Russ swore loudly, stomping on the ground, pacing harshly to try and vent his own fears and frustrations as he dragged his hands over his skull.

"H-HUMAAAN.."

As soon as you heard Razz, you ran over, pulling him into a hug. The poor guy breaking down. Grey rubbed his back, alternating between watching him with worry, and looking up at you with such thankfulness in his gaze.

"i'm sorry, razz, i tried. i really did.." Russ finally came over, blunt hanging from his mouth. He was stressed to all hell. You didn't blame him.

"I KN-KNOW.. THANK Y-YOU-OU.."

"I'm sure he'll be okay, alright? Let's get you inside." You cooed, Razz willingly letting you walk him back to the house. Grey left him in your care for a few minutes to stay and talk to Russ. Your first stop was the kitchen, where you poured a tall glass of water and grabbed monster candies, before taking him to the lounge and making sure he was all snugged up in a throw, sitting down beside him and putting the glass and packet of candy down. You softly made a sound as he snuggled himself right into your side.

"TCH.. DUMB CUNT IS GO-OING TO GET HIMSELF DU-USTED, AND I'M THE ONE WHO'LL HAVE TO SCATTER HIM AND.. AND WHY DOES HE KEE-EP DOING THIS TO ME-E-E?!"

You so gently hushed him, a racking sob and a whine leaving him as you wrapped arms around him, letting him use you for comfort.

"Sweetheart.. Is he on something?"

He nodded, taking a shaky breath in. "HE'S ON ICE, POT, XANAX, E, AND HIS F-FUCKING WEIGHT IN CHEAP VODKA, ANYTHING HE CAN G-GET HIS HANDS ON.. HE WONT STOP.. NOT EVEN FOR M-ME.."

You lifted your head, taking a wavering breath in and out. You held back your emotions, needing to be the strong one for him. "I'm sorry, Razz.. I'm sorry.. Maybe we can try and get him some he-"

"HE WONT ACCEPT ANY.."

You could see that..

It felt like a lot longer than ten minutes before Grey came in. He walked over, snuggling up to Razz on his other side, and he let him.

"Have some water and some candy and a nap." You suggested, Grey leaning over to pass him the glass and a few of the small marble like medicinal lollies. He threw them back and downed the whole glass, giving it back to Grey before he made himself comfy against you. You didn't mind being the pillow.

The two of you did your best to comfort him, until he was softly snoring. He had a cute little snore.

"Russ is going to go look for Mutt later.."

Jesus, you'd never heard Grey so quiet.. His 'indoor' voice a bit more like Sans' voice. Deep, a bit on the dopey side..

"I hope he doesn't do anything stupid.. Moreso." You tried to smile at him, but you could feel your lips tremble. He gave you a soft smile, and the two of you very carefully carried Razz to his own bed. It was already meticulously made.

Once he was settled, you headed out. Grey giving you a tired hug. You gave back as good as you could at that moment.

"I will go check on Russ.. Try and get some rest, honey." Grey looked up at you, before he lifted his hands, gently touching either side of your face. If that didn't have you internally flustered enough, him placing a gentle kiss to your forehead tipped it. His eyelights moving to your cheeks, before he chuckled softly. "Goodnight."

"Night.. Uh, Goodnight, Grey." You wanted the floor to swallow you whole, as he let go to head back downstairs, looking back a last time before he moved out of view.

You took long strides to get to your room, closing the door, and proceeding to fall face down on your bed to groan into the blankets. Your face must have been ruddy as all hell! He would have seen that, seen what he did to you.. Uuuggghhhhh..

As much as you could lay there and fuss, thoughts of Mutt soon sobered you. Poor guy.. You hoped to all above that he would come back home in one piece. That he would come back to his poor brother. Razz deserved better. No questions.

***

Come morning, you were happy to find that Mutt was still in one piece. You walked into the kitchen, where he was sat at the counter, drinking black coffee. He looked up as you walked in, looking rightfully shot at and missed.

You had to say something.

"Mutt-"

He slumped, putting his hand up to silence you. "nah, don' bother. already been yelled at by erry'one else. dun' need y' doin' it too."

He wasn't expecting silence, looking over at you almost warily. You took a soft breath in and out.

"Mutt, I wasn't going to yell at you. I just wanted to say.. I don't ever want to have to dry your brother's tears ever, ever again. I don't ever want to see him in that much pain.. He loves you so fucking much. Think about what you do to him. I'm not going to stand here and lecture you on your vices.. Just.. Please. Consider.."

You pulled away, grabbing a packet of chips and a Coke before stepping out. Before he could see you start to break down. Risking a last look in after a few calming breaths, you saw that he was leaning on his arms, face down against them, shoulders shaking.. But as much as you desperately wanted to run back in and comfort him, he needed to deal with this himself.

So you took yourself back upstairs, secluding yourself in your room to eat your snack and process your own feelings.