Archive of Our Own ^beta

They were back at it again. Minerva sat across Albus, a steaming cup of tea between them. It was the usual argument as always. Years before, Albus would give many things for his colleagues to defend his young potions master and now-

“Albus surely there is another way.” Minerva argued. They were going in circles and as much as Albus wanted to relent- “There is none, Minerva.”

It was curious.

Dumbledore himself had acknowledged the fact that he only trusted Snape as far as he could throw him -- But through the years Dumbledore has come to understand that he was stronger than he looked, and Severus was far too light for his stature. The young spy brought information for the Order, the smallest mistake could mean his death yet he pushed on. Voldemort was so sure that Severus Snape was his, so confident that the young and eager Death Eater belonged to him and yet here was Dumbledore still having doubts. Was it simply hubris clouding Voldemort’s judgement or is Albus as paranoid as his dear friend Alastor?

It was a normal night when happened. Snape was reporting in the Headmaster’s office when he tilted to the side, almost falling if it weren’t for the seat he refused earlier. “Are you alright?” Dumbledore asked, resisting the urge to go to his feet.

“It’s nothing.” The boy muttered. He’d gone pale, paler than he was before. “I have nothing to report further Headmaster, if you’ll excuse me-“ Snape stood up too quickly it seemed and fell back into the chair. This time Dumbledore did stand up and cast a diagnostic charm on his spy as he rounded past his desk to get a better view on his spy.

He frowned at the results, “Does Tom suspect you?”

Severus waved him off and seemed insulted, “Of course not. It is merely one of his punishments for failure.”

Dumbledore looked at him keenly, there was more to it but Snape looked ready to pass out. “I need to see the damage.”

“No!” Snape growled, “I can take care of this on my own.” The young man waved his own wand on his person, casting an ennervate and his own healing charm.

Albus let him go. It wasn’t the last time it happened and as much as he wanted to test the limits the boy had, of just how far his word meant, Albus Dumbledore does have a conscience.

It was a shameful thought and Dumbledore shivered at how his old self reacted back then.

In his time reminiscing, he realized that Severus Snape was alone as ever even when he belonged in the Hogwarts faculty, always torn on two opposite sides, never quite belonging as much as he tried. It was Minerva who spoke the loudest, he remembered. None of the staff quite trusted Snape and she stood as their representative to argue with him and assess he’s mental states. None of them quite believed his word but they didn’t oppose him.

And then came one of the Wizarding World’s most glorious moments and one of the most heartbreaking.

He found Severus in the Astronomy Tower, weeping, crying out in pain and he wondered if the man he saw before him then was the same man that gave information and risked his life for the people who would sooner kill him than help him.

“I wish I were dead.”

“What good would that do to anyone?”

It was once again one of his crueler moments, but Severus needed to hear it. He needed to continue the fight despite losing his will.

And continue he did.

Nobody was quite the same after that Halloween night. But as the trials were done and Severus’ name was cleared, there were those from the staff who began to offer olive branches to the young man but he keeps snapping them in their faces. Minerva had had enough and was set on sparring with the sharp tongue of their youngest.

It was quite a wonder, he himself didn’t know when it precisely happened but through Minerva’s gentle teasing, her sharp tongue and competitive spirit, somehow Severus slowly peaked his head from the shell he’s been hiding in. Suddenly the competition between Gryffindors and Slytherins became lighter yet fiercer at the same time.

“I heard you and Minerva had quite the spat earlier.” Dumbledore raised an eyebrow as Fawkes flew towards the back of the chair his youngest professor occupied. Severus hid his shock well and calmly shook his head.

“Just regular house rivalry, Headmaster.” The phoenix thrilled softly and Severus cracked a biscuit, eying the demanding bird.

“I heard there were bets on who would win.” Albus smiled at his cup of tea.

Severus raised a brow at him, keeping the biscuit a few inches from Fawkes. “I assume you’d placed a bet on the winning side?”

Albus smiled as Fawkes nearly bit Severus in his haste to get the cracker, “Naturally.”

He invited Severus for tea at least once a week to check on him. To make sure he hadn’t expired or thrown himself to the Whomping Willow.

“I can’t have you two conspiring the doom of the student population.”

Somewhere along the way Minerva joined them and the air cleared and any tension that remained evaporated slowly.

“Are you up for it then?” Severus asked, a black notebook in front of him, and Albus felt torn.

“I have the oddest feeling just now.” He said, his eyes darting to the door.

“Then hurry up before your conscience comes barging in the door. I haven’t even put mine in yet, here-” Severus opened his notebook and took one of Albus’ quill. “Severus Snape – Three months, spell accident.” He lowered the quill and put two galleons on top of the notebook, it disappeared from view and Albus bit his lip.

“Where do the galleons go?”

“A small cauldron I have stashed away with more wards than my own quarters. I assure you, Filius himself checked my wards and spelled it so that galleons can go in but not out, at least until the time comes to collect.” Severus smirked. Albus gave him a calculated look. Filius was involved?

“Severus Snape!” A voice yelled just as the door to the office opened, admitting one furious Minerva McGonagall.

“Too late.” Severus muttered as he hid the notebook.

“What is this I hear about a betting pool on how the Defense Professor will meet their untimely demise?” Minerva glared at Severus. The boy crossed his arms, looking unconcerned and apathetic.

“We’re on the demise part now? Last I heard it was just how they will be forced out of the position.” Severus drawled and Minera pursed her lips in frustration.

Snape’s brow twitched as she remained glaring at him, “It wasn’t me.” He said, flinching as her brow rose.

“Alright it wasn’t just me. I simply hold the record. Would you like to-“

“Severus!”

“What? It’s not like I’m the one making them leave. They all leave eventually, might as well have fun with it, I say.” Severus said and Albus looked on with amusement and a little bit of dread.

“And you, what do you have to say for yourself?” Minerva turned to Dumbledore and his blue eyes widened in shock, “Me? As I recall you were lecturing Severus here and-“

“And you need to control your employees. This is distasteful not to mention unprofessional!” Minerva ranted for a few more minutes while Severus looked bored.

The young potions master apparently had enough after those five minutes, “Minerva. I suggest you bring this up to your other colleagues, my seniors, if you will.” Severus scowled at her.

“Our headmaster has a gambling problem and your colleagues need to go outside lest all the little hellions start to drive them mad. It’s not like we’re doing it to the new DADA professor’s face, and nobody is allowed to manipulate the outcome so I don’t really see the harm.”

It was a very long day for them and they had a staff meeting -minus the DADA professor- the following night.

“Minerva McGonagall – trampled to death by his fans, one galleon. Write that down.” Time certainly works it’s magic and McGonagall isn’t impervious to it. Adapt or perish and all that.

“I’m afraid Sybill has entered that Minerva. Try again.” Severus said as he checked the notebook.

“I’m not quite sure this is where you should be discussing this, I am the Headmaster after all.” But even as he said it, Dumbledore had that calculating twinkle in his eye as always.

Severus rolled his eyes, “Please Albus, you are not allowed to place bets. And it isn’t like you’re the one making them leave.” He paused, “Maybe you are the one making them leave, I wouldn’t put it past your scheming self.”

“Crushed underneath all his merchandise in the DADA classroom – three galleons.” Minerva said after awhile. Fawkes chirped in amusement and Severus smirked at the bird.

“Quite the creative scenario.”

“Thank you.”

How he wished it was always like those times. But things rarely go the way we all wish them.

“Wake me when you finish the tea.” Severus muttered as he sank into the plush sofa in the Headmaster’s office. Another day filled with brewing and teaching, add the late staff meeting and the almost month-long process of brewing the wolfsbane, and it was a wonder how Severus remained alert as they discussed the student’s and the boards recent decisions. He sat in his own seat as Minerva began fixing their tea, it relaxes her, she says and no matter how skillful the elves are they just couldn’t mimic her brew.

Albus smiled as he heard her softly singing, just loud enough for all of them to hear, “Lay down your head, and I’ll sing you a lullaby, back to the years of loo-li-li-lay…”

Dumbledore smiled as he saw the tense shoulders loosen and the breathing deepen. He and Minerva shared a smile, “And I’ll sing you to sleep, And I’ll sing you tomorrow. Bless you with love for the road that you go.” Albus waved his wand and a blanket gently lowered itself on the young Potion Master’s form. Fawkes, flying from his perch to the back of the sofa, he’d snuggle with the young professor later when Albus wasn’t looking.

All was well, but for just how long? If Albus could capture a moment and keep it frozen from time, he would chose this. But meddling with time is way beyond his pay-grade so it moved on.

Severus seethed at him, “You were involved in it, don’t pretend otherwise.”

Albus tried to calm him, “Severus-“

“No! You listen to me. You always pick your damned gryffindors, I shouldn’t be surprised and yet here I am!” The Headmaster’s office seemed so small right then, the knick knacks Albus had was shaking with Severus’ rage.

“My boy-“

Severus stumbled away from Albus’ reaching hand, “Don’t touch me!”

There was something wild in Severus’ eyes, it burned with anger and something else, something Dumbledore was not yet ready to decipher.

“You let him escape! Black-“

“Sirius is innocent, it was Peter Pettigrew who were the Potter’s secret keeper.”

Silence. He could see Snape biting his tongue, controlling his emotions and trying to rein in all that anger inside once again. It reminded him of a young man so many years ago, clamoring his emotions and desperately trying to lock everything in. The clattering and shaking of the objects stopped, rendering the room silent besides the heavy breaths of the Potion Master.

Dumbledore tried again, “Pettigrew was Ron’s rat Scabbers. He’s been hiding all this time-“

“Albus?” It was Minerva. She walked until she stood with Severus, looking at the upset young man in worry.

Severus tilted to the side but caught himself, shaking his head and bringing the back of his hand to his brow. “Severus?” Minerva asked again, her hand hesitating to touch her colleague.

“I’m fine.” He choked out as he saw Minerva’s hand reaching for him, he shies away and almost falls over again.

“Severus.” Dumbledore frowned as Severus straightened himself.

“I shall be fine Headmaster. I will be in my quarters for the time being unless there is something you need for me to do?”

Blue eyes searched black. There was the coldness between them once again and Albus felt something in him stir, a deep need to comfort the boy before him but he held back. It was not the time to deal with past hurts.

“You may go, Severus. We shall speak in the morning.”

He let Severus go. He could never understand how Minerva could give such a confused yet accusing glare.

He filled Minerva in on what she needed to know and there were tears and there was anger.

There was a war brewing once again and the thought of reprising their roles was daunting. He heard of what happened from Remus and he felt guilty when he checked in on a dozing Severus and saw potions for pain and concussion on his bedside.

It was no time to let their emotions get the best of them. They were in the eye of the storm and they needed to prepare.  In hindsight, this is the moment where things could have gone a lot differently if Albus did not leave Severus alone.

The moment Dumbledore announced his choice of next DADA professor, Snape stiffened in his seat. When the auror introduced himself, Snape scowled but avoided Moody’s magical eye. Minerva was not blind, she knew they had history. She didn’t say anything when Severus would rant and complain in the Headmaster’s office when Moody got too touchy with Severus’ belongings, when his words were becoming less of a mindless insult and slowly approaching harmful slander.

She didn’t say anything when the betting pool was put to a hold.

She stayed with Severus in the staff room when he fell asleep while grading, frowning as she thought about what the stress is doing to him. It was obviously a peaceful sleep. She hummed an old lullaby as she graded her own papers and smiles as Snape settles back to a restful nap.

Their little weekly meetings were becoming rarer as Alastor continued to hound Severus and insisted on talking to Albus.

When it was revealed that Moody was a Death Eater in disguise she wanted to curse him herself. He dared step foot in the halls of Hogwarts, perform Unforgivables in front of her students-

But then Snape was gone. And she was filled with shame that the first thought in her mind was how he was coming to greet his old master.

Of course Dumbledore filled her in on Snape’s position. “He is late.” Albus said in a sober tone.

“Late?” Minerva felt her heart stop. Was Severus-

“Two hours in fact.” Dumblledore sighed, “He answered Voldemort’s summon two hours late, Minerva.” There was a hint of regret in his voice and Minerva gaped at him, “And you still let him go? Albus he could be killed-“

“And he will surely be hunted down if he did not go. This way, there is a chance that Voldemort may forgive him his tardiness and the Order is not rendered blind.”

Minerva let out a breath. “You truly have a gambling problem, Albus. You are betting on Severus’ life-“

“I have faith in Severus’ abilities.” He said as he gently stroked Fawkes’ feathers when the mythical bird perched on his shoulder.

Minerva clenched her teeth lest she let out words she would regret once her anger cleared. They waited in silence and if Minerva was religious she would have prayed to a god she was not quite sure was there.

Severus stumbled inside Albus’ office only a few hours later, it felt longer to them. Freezing in place as his eyes met hers, there was hesitance in his frame and Minerva was worried he’d scurry off to lick his wounds in private when Albus spoke up, “You can trust her, Severus.”

His eyes met Dumbledore’s and Minerva wondered what kind of communication they were having. She met his eyes once again and Severus gave a small nod. He walked until he was before the Headmaster’s desk, his chin held high, his eyes back to their blank gaze. Minerva noticed the shaking of his hands but Severus quickly folded them behind his back.

“I have been welcomed back by the Dark Lord, Headmaster.” His voice, devoid of all emotion, chilled Minerva. This was a Death Eater before them even if he did serve the light. There was darkness clinging to him, swirling around and absorbing any light that dared come its way.

“And what of the others among the inner circle?” There was detachment in Albus’ voice and Minerva wondered if this is how they met when Severus was a young spy. She almost found herself chooking as the pressure increased in the room, as if a swirling cloud was taking all the air available--

“I was not present when they convened, headmaster, and some had already been sent away by the Dark Lord. However, he has alluded that he will summon us once again in the coming days. I did saw McNair and Crabbe Sr. in the ground before I left, they seemed fine, merely being reminded of the Dark Lord’s punishments.”

The end of the report. It wasn’t much of a report to begin with but Albus’ gamble did pay off, but not without a price--

“And you, Severus?” Dumbledore asked as he peered from his crescent moon glasses.

The tension cleared and they were back to just Albus, Severus, and Minerva. The Deputy took in a breath she’s been holding, glancing at Severus at the corner of her eye.

“I’m-“ Tremors ran across his body, she put a hand on his shoulder, ignoring the flinch and the harshness of his glare.

“You are not even close to being fine, young man,” She urged him to sit on the sofa he always occupied. “Don’t even dare say otherwise.”

“I will be fine.” He argued.

“Hush. I shall call Poppy and-“

Severus scowled at her, “I’ve already taken a potion, stop fussing.”

Albus made his way to the sofa, his eyes narrowed and his wand drawn. “Finite Incantatem.”

Minerva gasped as bruises and cuts appeared on Snape’s pale skin.

“We’ve talked about this, Severus.” He said morosely.

“We have. But this truly is nothing, Albus. I’ve had worse.” Severus as he fought against the exhaustion, not bothering to make a fuss as Albus cast a healing charm for the contusions. “It’s nothing I haven’t dealt with before.” He couldn’t stifle a yawn. He didn’t bother protesting when Minerva maneuvered him to lie down on some pillows, her hand brushing against his hair.

“May you sail fair to the far fields of fortune. With diamonds and pearls at your head and your feet…” She began to sing the old lullaby she sang many moons ago. “And may you need never to banish misfortune. May you find kindness in all that you meet.” He fell asleep before she even finished. She discreetly glanced at the elder man before her, her other hand gently placing a blanket on top of the boy. She slowly stood up, making sure not to wake Severus up, and cast a silencing charm around him.

Minerva was set on arguing with Albus but they did nothing but go on circles with each other. It wasn’t a very peaceful night for them and when Severus woke he had to blink a few times to orient himself. He stared at the fiery orange feathers before him and softly shooed Fawkes away from him. The phoenix squawked at him, irritated by being jolted from his nap but settled back into his perch.

He winced at his sore muscles but pushed it away when he smelled the toast and tea on the coffee table near his sofa. “You’re awake.” Dumbledore remarked as he pushed parchment away from his desk and smiled at Severus.

“How are you feeling?” Severus blinked at Minerva’s voice, she was seated by the armchair beside the sofa he occupied. Since when did she have breakfast in the Headmaster’s office? Come to think of it, since when did Severus?

“What am I doing here?” He asked as he tried to clear his head, “Still, I mean. You should have woken me last night, I would have been alright in my own quarters.” The potions master said as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes, missing the look Minerva sent Albus.

“You were in no condition to be moved, Severus. If I were going to move you it would be to the hospital wing if I had a choice.” McGonagall hissed, her eyes never leaving Albus’.

The Headmaster sighed, “Yes well, you are well now aren’t you, Severus? Join us for breakfast before we head to the great hall.”

Ah yes. Diggory’s memorial. With all the excitement of last night he nearly forgot about it. Another one of his failures, another one to add to his list of dead--

“I can take my own breakfast in my rooms, Headmaster. In fact, I believe I shall-“

Severus got to his feet but Minerva grabbed his arm to stop him, “I insist Severus.” She whispered and his eyes darted to Dumbledore’s. There really wasn’t a choice to be made for Albus almost seemed to be begging him to stay with those damnable blue eyes.

“Very well then. But I really do need to freshen up afterwards.”

Breakfast was an awkward affair. The silence was tense and their words to each other clipped. It was very wrong and Severus wanted nothing but to retreat to the safety of the familiar dungeons and wait for things to blow over. Except they won’t. Something has changed and he knew deep down that they can never go back to the way things were.

They finished breakfast and Severus bade farewell until they met in the great hall. The grief was overwhelming. It was his fault, he should have known that there was something about Moody that was wrong, besides the obvious of course. He should have done better, maybe if he apparated faster, if he wasn’t hesitant to go then maybe he could have saved Diggory’s life. Maybe he could have stopped the rebirth, sabotaged it in some way but-

“Severus?”

He blinked. He was in the staff room, the tea he asked for had long gone cold and Minerva was looking at him with concern. Wallowing in his regrets never helped him but he never claimed to follow his own advice.

“Yes, Minerva?” He drawled, covering up his loss of focus with feigned boredom.

She took a seat beside him, looking him over. The tremors have stopped when he woke in the morning, the contusions were gone as well. All in all, he was his normal self as if nothing had happened and she wondered just how many injuries he managed to hide from them. Was there always some deep pain he hid and they all ignored all these years? Was the young professor of decades ago this skilled in hiding pain and exhaustion? She could hardly remember those days anymore, but they weren’t important, not anymore.

“Here.” She offered her hand to him, on the center of her palm was a charm, some crystal tied to a thick cord. “It’s a charm engraved with runes for protection and safe journey.” She held the necklace before him, dangling it and he marveled at the way the light caught it.

“Pretty.” He said in a dead-pan voice, “What am I supposed to do with it?” He asked, eying the object still in her hands with suspicion as she rolled his eyes.

“It’s also a portkey you daft man.” She took one of his hands and put the charm in his palm, closing his fingers around it. “Grab hold of it and say the keyword, make sure not to lose it.” He scoffed at her tone and she smiled. “I know Filius had a lesson on portkeys, should I tell him you were sleeping during his lecture?” She teased though her tone remained light and casual.

“I know what portkeys are, Minerva.” He growled, pulling his hand away but frowning as she remained holding his closed hand. “Minerva?” He asked as she continued to look at his enclosed fist.

“The word is ‘faodail’, Severus, do not forget and do not lose it.” She said, meeting his eyes.

He avoided her eyes, not quite knowing if he even deserved such a thing, “Minerva I’m not-“

“Don’t worry, this will transport you just outside Albus’ office. He’s aware of it, in fact I made him make the portkey, Merlin knows why you hadn’t had one before.”

She let go of his hand, “I know you don’t wear jewelry Severus and having it around your neck would just attract unwanted attention but I do ask that you keep it with you always.”

“This is too much, Minerva. I-“

“If not for yourself then think about the Order. If the unlikely scenario happens then what better way than to make sure you survive in one piece than to have this with you?”

“I’m not sure I can have it. The moment my cover is blown all information I may have can become suspect to falsity and if a Death Eater grabs hold of me and is transported with me here I-“ He stopped, not quite willing to think about such a scenario. What if the Dark Lord himself grabbed hold of him as he is being pulled by the port key? What if he managed to wrench the keyword from Severus’ mind and suddenly had access to the castle? “It’s much too risky.” He said, clenching his fist with the portkey in it. Minerva did not miss the action.

“Severus, frankly speaking if anyone grabbed hold of you they’d be stuck just outside of Albus’ office, they’d have to have a death wish. There is also a charm to alert both Albus and myself should a portkey be used in that location. It would be fine.” She said in a tone that broke for no argument.

“But Minerva-“ He tried again.

“Severus please. Contrary to what you believe we do care about you, Albus and I. He’s a lot more stubborn and manipulative but he does care for you. He wouldn’t allow this portkey if he didn’t. Allow me this piece of selfishness, Severus, please.” Severus looked away from her, not quite ready to see if she was being sincere or not. He knows Albus, knows him a lot better than others. He knows of the grandfatherly headmaster and the war general coming back from his rest. The two cannot exist at the same time, very much like how the Death Eater and the Professor cannot have a life as long as the other is around.

He wondered if Minerva understands the dichotomy of the character of her two colleagues, of how much they are willing to risk to rid the world of the Dark Lord.

“Should I be insulted that you doubt my skills?” He asked as he examined it closely, letting it dangle before his eyes.

Minerva patted his shoulder as she took her leave, smiling to herself.

Time passed quickly for those who cling to it.

She was there once again when he returned from the next meeting. There was no need for the portkey back then, nothing much happened, and since he’d had his fair share of punishment already and have proven his fidelity to their cause, the Dark Lord amused his followers as he punished those who did not show.

“Karkaroff is dead, his fate was sealed the moment he tried to run.” He said as he sipped at the tea Albus insisted he have. It was a break in their usual ways where the spy would report and the Headmaster would listen and scheme. There was no coldness, no tension. He glanced at his left and saw Minerva sipping her own tea. He still had his doubts with her knowing, surely this is also putting her in danger, also putting his cover in danger.

Something had changed though, he was wary of it but he couldn’t deny the feeling of safety and peace he now experiences as opposed to before.

“The old Death Eaters are back, barring those currently prisoners in Azkaban. The Dark Lord chooses to lay low for awhile, he does not want the Ministry to know of his return just yet. He hasn’t made plans for recruitment but I assume he’d be needing to refill his numbers to gather strength.”

He lowered his tea and awaited his orders.

Albus drummed his fingers on his desk, “We have already informed the old members of the Order, there isn’t much for us to do other than keep Harry safe and wait.”

The finality of the tone made Snape suppress his sigh. That was as good as a dismissal as it came. Unharmed or no, any meeting with the Dark Lord present is still draining and Severus wanted nothing more than to sink into his bed, not necessarily sleep but rest at least, until he has to get up and deal with his hellions of a students. He moved to stand up but Minerva cleared her throat.

Severus looked at Minerva questioningly, but she remained silent.

“I have it with me.” He muttered, digging through his pockets and retrieving the necklace she gave her, hoping Albus would ask and confiscate the safety hazard but the Headmaster smiled along with the deputy though both gryffindors did not look at each other.

 She remained looking at him even after he tucked it away, he looked at Albus for help and the Headmaster glanced at the sofa he frequently used.

“My bed is much comfortable than the Headmaster’s sofa.”

“Yes but you won’t sleep in your bed, you’ll most likely be up all night brewing your potions.”

“I agree with Minerva, Severus. A short rest would do you more good than slaving away at a cauldron.” Interesting words, the Potion Master remarked in his head.

Severus looked at his colleagues shrewdly. He hasn’t seen them speaking to each other the past days. He wasn’t a fool, he knows Minerva disapproved of his status as a spy, she has made it quite clear that she was upset with Albus. The Headmaster is keeping up the façade of peace but he also hasn’t spoken to Minerva besides anything work related.

Apparently the topic of Severus is work-related because the two Gryffindors are tag-teaming him once again. Now Severus can’t have that, can he?

“I can rest in my own rooms, thank you.” He stood up, ready to storm away as he usually does when Minerva called out to him.

“It’s not that late, Severus. Perhaps we can discuss your plans for the next school year.” The look she shot the Headmaster was not missed by the Potions Master. She quickly stood and grabbed the sleeve of his robe, dragging him to that comfortable sofa. He sat stiffly, not quite allowing himself the luxury of leaning back and risking falling asleep. At least not yet.

The headmaster joined them, pouring a fresh cup for everyone.

Time to get the ball rolling.

“Gryffindors.” He muttered as he sipped at his tea.

“And what is wrong with Gryffindor now?” Minerva asked, always ready to protect her house.

He lowered his cup back and scowled, “I’m not blind you know, and I suggest you stop this. Both of you.”

Odd. It was usually Severus who got scolded.

“My boy-“

Time to up the ass-holery he has mastered since he was fourteen. “Stop it with all this self-righteousness and guilt, it’s frankly nauseating and I have had enough, especially after dealing with him for the past few hours.”

“But Severus-“

Honesty is the best policy as Albus hypocritically preached, “I know of the risks, of course I do. But I do know the reward outweighs the risks, no, Minerva. It does, plain and simple. Any slytherin can understand that.”

He took another sip of his tea, assessing Albus with his eyes. “You can also stop feeling so guilty. I gave you my word, did I not? You asked me a year ago and I said I was prepared.”

“I’m afraid I haven’t given you much of a choice there, my boy.” Albus shook his head.

“It was still my choice. Get it through both of your heads and stop avoiding each other. There is a war coming and the last thing we need is two disagreeing Gryffindors.” He mocked. And for good measure, “Merlin, I do detest people who hold on to grudges so much.”

Minerva and Albus looked at him and he smirked. He cleared the air and discussed the elephant in the room surely they can do the rest?

“Now, do you know who will be the next DADA professor, I want to have a head-start on my bets.” He leaned back, watching the two lions look at each other before leaning back themselves. He sighed as the last of the tension faded away and they were back to, more or less, normal. The Headmaster looked at him oddly and Severus sighed, “I do hate incompetent defense professors. Say it to my face now so I don’t get my hopes up.”

“I can’t hire you, Severus.”

“Shocking. Now tell us who it is.”

Albus smiled at him, “I’m afraid I can’t. I’ll be having a chat with Cornelius in a few days, he thinks that someone from the ministry would be a more apt candidate.”

“By the way, Albus, the board of governors will hold a meeting in two days in light of recent events.” Minerva chimed in. “And I’m sure the ministry will send a competent professor, Severus. Don’t let me see that notebook of yours for at least next week.” She glared lightly at the young professor.

“You won’t see it.” He shook his head. He leaned more into the plump sofa and suppressed a yawn. He glared as a blanket was gently floated over him.

“I am not a child.” He gritted out.

Albus smiled at him, “You are compared to me, Severus.” He chided. Then he looked at Severus, meeting his eyes and letting the weight of his words carry a different meaning, “You are to me, Severus.”

Severus shook his head and the Headmaster continued his conversation with his deputy. He tuned them out, slowly drifting off, their voices in his ears and the warm blanket on his lap.

“May there always be angels to watch over you, to guide you each step of the way.” He could faintly hear the lullaby he often heard and he sighed. “To guard you and keep you safe from all harm. Loo-li, loo-li, li-lay.”

He was asleep before she finished. Minerva smiled at the sight, resisting the urge to comb her hand through the boy’s dark locks. But he wasn’t a boy, not really, he’s a young man, a spy, and she has to accept that one day he may not return from his missions. Fawkes flew towards the sleeping professor, not bothering to wait until Minerva and Albus pretended to look away. He continued to softly sing as Minerva stopped.

“I am sorry.” She said, turning to Albus. “For all the things I said before.”

“I understand, Minerva. I do care about Severus, I do. But he is vital in defeating Voldemort.”

“I just wish there was another way.”

There was silence and this point is where she and Albus will find themselves revisiting every once in awhile.

Of course t would not be the last they had that argument, would not be the last that Severus would return hurt from one of their meetings. Everything was getting to them, from Umbridge’s tyrranical rule, “Severus Snape – The Weasley Twins drives the toad to madness.”, to the increasing mischief of the students, “Filius Flitciwck – Trampled to death by both students and professors.” to all those horrible ministry decrees she kept on hammering about,“Minerva McGonagall – Minerva McGonagall.”

Everyone’s patience is being tested and their weekly tea is being interrupted by the pink toad, thinking they were conspiring against her and the ministry. They can’t even have a meeting composing of the Heads of Houses without her barging in. Umbridge walked in on their little meetings after Severus returned from his duties. They were luckily through with he briefing and were slandering—ahem—discussing her curious methods of teaching. The pink toad made her displeasure clear and walked out. Minerva took the pleasure of seeing her red face the morning after only to suppress a scowl as the toad gave her a sweet smile.

The toad tried her best to disrupt meetings, going as far as to try and disallow such things. Albus was quick to cut that in the bud.

Minerva found herself unable to sleep and she ended up going to Albus’ office. She would have cursed the ministry appointed professor herself if she darkened the Headmaster’s office during Minerva’s hour of need. She would rather curse the toad anyway but that would be wrong she reminded herself, terribly wrong indeed.

“Albus?” She asked, seeing the Headmaster with his back to her, gazing out of the window. “Was Severus-“

“Yes.” He replied, gesturing for her to take a seat. “He was summoned just after his last class.” Fawkes thrilled softly in his perch, his eyes also trained outside.

Minerva sat down, grabbing the warm tea Albus offered but not drinking it. It warmed her hands and stopped her from fidgeting.

They started to talk, minor things like the recent pranks of her lions, scores from essays that improved, anything and everything besides the horrible toad and their missing fellow. They ran out of topics soon enough and Minerva stood to look out the magnificent window overlooking the grounds.

Albus joined her, his shoulder bumping hers teasingly. She looked at him and he pointed at something in the east, “There.”

“What?” She squinted her eyes, was Severus there already? She can’t make anything out in the dark.

“That’s where Severus usually appears after he apparates beyond the wards.” Albus said in a wistful tone. “Hagrid says that is the safest path, relatively speaking of course.” Minerva nodded though their gazes were fixed on that one spot. She wasn’t always there when he returned, wasn’t always in the loop when he disappeared.

“Relatively speaking?”

“The centaurs frequent that path and other creatures learn to avoid such place. They aren’t very welcoming but Hagrid spoke to them for the rare instance Severus may need assistance in getting back.”

Minerva stopped herself from asking rash questions, “Does it happen often?”, her tone even and casual.

“A few times. The first time Hagrid brought him I-“ Albus stopped himself, looking lost for words. Minerva glanced at him in concern but he remained silent.

“I almost relieved him of his duties but it is a fact that he is the only member of the order that is privy to Voldemort’s secrets. To plant another, to even hope of replacing him and hoping for the same results is a pipe-dream.” Dumbledore sighed.

It is unfair how the Order sees their spy despite relying on his information so heavily.

“At least that’s what I say to myself, what I say to him, as well. But Severus never raised a complaint, not really.” He never did and Albus sometimes wished that he would, that they may return to easier times where there is only a spy and his true master, Albus had the faintest wish that Severus may one day try to fight for his remaining freedom because then maybe Albus can be convinced; either he lets Severus go or he can argue any notion away from his mind about having another way.

 “Albus-“ Minerva never finished. The charm she had on her neck, similar to the one she gave Severus heated up and the alarm Albus created also alerted them that someone had used a portkey and they were standing just outside his office.

The door opened, their hearts were beating wildly in their chests, they turned to greet Severus and Minerva gasped. He was leaning on the wall, blood covered a side of his face and already they can see bruises forming around the wounds on his torso. He moved jerkily inside and she worried he’d collapse before he was even inside.

“Severus.” Albus was there, as Severus began to fall he was there to catch him, Minerva quickly kneeling by the fallen duo.

They were here for him now. Albus, gently cradling him in his arms and Minerva by his side. His robes were in tatters and already stained with dirt and blood.

“I shall call Poppy-“ She stroked Severus’ bruised cheek, wincing as he grimaced. She made to stand but Severus grabbed her arm.

“Don’t!” Tears were forming in his eyes and Minerva couldn’t bring herself to look away. “Stay.”

“You need to get this treated, Severus-“

“Can’t.” He choked out, “It’s a curse…many curses in fact. Too late-“ Severus gasped and grimaced as he shuddered.

Fawkes gave a cry, flying from his perch to the fallen man. Albus watched as the Phoenix shed tears, healing Severus’ wounds and yet—

“’Told you, it was a curse.” Severus muttered and as Albus opened his mouth, “There is no counter-curse.” Severus said softly, smiling-smiling-at the phoenix laying atop him. “Thank you though. Fawkes.”

His dark gaze went to Dumbledore, “I will give you the memory, I need-“ Severus was wracked with tremors, his right hand, trying to grip his left. “A flask, anything. Please.” He stuttered, whimpering in pain.

“Albus, surely this can wait-“ Minerva protested but Albus has already summoned a flask and has already whipped out his wand to take the memories. “Albus!”

“It’s alright, Minerva.” Severus strained to smirk, “For the..for the greater good.” He would have winked if he had the energy. He was going to die. Severus never believed himself to fear death but now, this isn’t just a conclusion he has accepted, this is a conclusion that will surely happen in a few moments and with this, any gallows humor he was relying on to get him through fell short and he tried to swallow any tears he may shed. He was failing.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, he took her hand and opened it, putting something in her palm, before closing it. He held it for awhile, staring at it. “I’m sorry, I forgot.” His chuckle turning to a cough as his lungs start to fail.

She opened her eyes, seeing the charm she gave him, a crack running across it. “I dropped it.” His small smile wobbled. “I’m sorry."

“Oh Severus.” She took his hand, clinging to it. “Filius will be displeased when he finds out you did sleep in his classes.” She joked softly, watching him be distracted by the light clinging to Dumbledore’s wand as he extracted memories.

Something caught her eye as she held his left hand. She opened the cuffs on his sleeves without any protest from him. The Dark Mark made her wince but he studied how it almost seemed to pulse as black veins slowly spread on his appendage. “A present from the Dark Lord himself.” Severus muttered, not bothering to look at the horrific sight.

No wonder Poppy could not help. “It’s killing you.” Minerva whispered, fire blazing in her eyes, “That monster!”

And then Albus stopped collecting the memories, putting the flask aside, he shifted Severus’ weight so the young man leaned on his chest, took Severus’ other hand, his eyes searching Minerva’s.

“Severus,” He whispered, “Thank you.”

Severus nodded, biting his lip as he felt another pulse from the Dark Mark. It was almost as if the Mark knew what was happening and felt the need to remind him of its existence.

“Does it hurt very badly?” Albus asked.

“It hurt worse before.” He hissed, “Fawkes helped though.” The phoenix giving a soft cry, butting his head to Severus’ chin.

Albus exhaled, “That’s good.” But it wasn’t, not really. “It’s okay, Severus. We’re here.”

“I know.”

He should be freezing, the curses cast on him, the dark mark draining him of his life, the stone floor under him, by all means he should be cold, but he wasn’t. With Albus holding him, Minerva holding his hand tight, and Fawkes atop him, he remained warm. Warmer than he ever had a right to feel in his opinion.

“My slytherins-“

“They will hear the news from me, first thing after-“ Albus choked, “Afterwards.”

“The Order-“

“Will dearly miss you but we will manage. We have to.” There were tears in Dumbledore’s eyes, dripping from his eyes and onto Severus’ hair.

“Potter?”

“He will be safe.”

Severus nodded, “The betting pool-“

“Severus!” Minerva playfully scolded and Severus smiled through the tears.

Minerva’s tears have fallen as well and Severus frowned, “Its alright. I can hardly feel anything anymore.”

He squeezed their hands, smiling, “Thank you.”

Minera gently pushed stray locks from his forehead, “May you bring love, and may you bring happiness,” Her voice cracked. She nodded, as she locked eyes with him, he did, he truly did.“Be loved in return for the rest of your days.”Albus was holding him tightly, clinging to him, sensing that Severus is close to drifting away and trying to keep him to stay.

Minerva can see Severus’ strength waning, she saw him struggle as more tears fall from her eyes. She nodded her head at him, silently saying that it was alright and he smiled. “Now fall of to sleep I’m not meaning to keep you-“ She choked, bring his hand to her lips, watching as his eyes droop. “I’ll just sit or awhile and sing loo-li-li-lay.”

He closed his eyes before she even finished.