Archive of Our Own ^beta

The world was bleak and desolate now, silence falling over the entire earth it seemed like. People handled the event differently, some managing to move on, while others refused to accept the reality they all lived in now. Some tried to drink away their pain, or distract themselves with anything that helped them feel again.

Ryan was one of these last cases.

He'd wander the streets day to day, visiting all their old favorite spots, remembering each and every good time they'd had, before the fatal battle that changed the world. He'd recently taken up drinking, finding the disgusting burn of alcohol helped alleviate some of the pain he felt at all times. He'd let his hair and beard grow longer and he'd gained a few pounds. He'd get into fights and intentionally lose just so the physical pain from the beatings and stabbings would distract him from the ache in his heart. Sure he could use his powers to heal himself, but he didn't want to feel numb again, he just wanted to feel something. Over the five years since the Snap, as he'd come to call the event, he'd started using his powers in ways that normally would shock and terrify him. He'd become a darker person, a sinister and malicious shell of the man he used to be.

What would Jeremy think if he saw you now? his inner voice said as he sat at the counter of one of Jeremy's old favorite bars. He felt that the more time he spent in areas associated with Jeremy, the more human he felt.

"If Jeremy we're here I wouldn't be behaving this way in the first place," he grumbled softly to himself, a habit he'd picked up recently, making him seem more insane than he was.

He took another swig from the bottle of whatever alcohol the bartender had placed in front of him, feeling the burn as the liquid slid down his throat and exploded in his belly. He glanced around, wondering if there was anyone to fight, but the bar was unusually empty for this time of day, even with fifty percent of the world's life forms eliminated by the Snap. Ryan stared into the distance, not really focusing on anything and trying not to burst into tears each and every time he heard the distant sounds in his memory of Jeremy laughing, that high pitched, genuine laugh he always used when he was happy. Fuck, Ryan missed that laugh! He'd do anything to hear it again, he'd die to hear it again, he'd kill to hear it.

He took another dejected swig and placed the now empty bottle back on the counter, ordering another drink. Ever since the Snap, the bartenders had been more generous with the amount of alcohol they allowed their patrons to consume, knowing full well what they were dealing with. The lady offered him a sympathetic, understanding look as she placed the beverage in front of him.

Jeremy would make a comment about how cute she is if he were here, just to annoy me, he thought with a small, sad smile. The two were always telling the other how hot or attractive randoms were just to get a reaction from the other, a small dumb game they played with each other, harmless as their love for each other grew stronger over time.

A movement interrupted Ryan's brooding, off to his left near the door. He glanced that way and saw a small group of people standing there, a woman and two men. He narrowed his eyes when he recognized two of them, and they recognized him, making their way towards him. He looked away and grumbled as he took another drink, the two he recognized taking seats beside him, the other man whom he didn't know standing a little awkwardly to the side, watching him closely.

"Cap, Widow," Ryan muttered towards Captain America and Black Widow. "Who's the fresh meat?"

"I'm Ant-Man!" new guy said with a smile and held out his hand. Ryan grunted and ignored the enthusiastic young man, taking another swig and glancing at the two Avengers he knew.

"Never thought I'd see you two again. What do you want?" he muttered.

"Ryan..." Widow started before Ryan turned on her.

"Do NOT call me that name! Ryan Haywood died five years ago when you fuckers failed to stop that asshole from taking the only thing I love from me! Haywood is dead, only the Vagabond is left," he snarled, pointing a finger at the assassin's face.

Ant-Man started and looked nervously between the two senior Avengers and the aggressive drunk, unsure of what to do. Widow gazed calmly at Ryan, her eyes betraying no emotion, a sad look crossing Captain America's face.

"We all lost people we care about Haywood, you're not the only one," he said calmly.

"Fuck off!" Ryan growled and turned away.

Silence filled the space for a minute, the Avengers trying to think of how they wanted to phrase what they wanted to say next, Ryan wishing they'd leave him alone, and Ant-Man getting increasingly uncomfortable with the whole situation. Finally Cap placed a hand on Ryan's shoulder, the older man flinching slightly.

"What if I told you there was a chance we could bring Jeremy back? Bring everyone back," he said.

Ryan froze and slowly turned to face the Avenger. He studied the man, searching for any sign of deception, glancing at the others only to find the same look in their eyes.

Hope.

Faint, but it was there, he knew it when he saw it. He glared at Cap again before grabbing the front of his uniform and pulling him close.

"Are you sure? You'd better not be fucking with me because if you are, nothing in this world will keep me from tearing you limb from limb," he growled.

"It's true Ryan. We actually never would've thought of it if it hadn't been for Ant-man here," Widow said nodding at the awkward man.

"You're telling me, there's a chance to bring Jeremy back?" Ryan asked, more softly and gently this time, a shred of hope filling him. The others nodded.

Ryan released Cap, feeling short of breath all of a sudden. He started trembling and tears filled his eyes as he thought about what that actually meant. He looked up at the trio before a soft, yellow light enveloped him, healing all his wounds and scars, flushing the alcohol from his system. Slowly he stood to his feet and looked at the Avengers.

"I'm in!"