Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“They’re here.” Sam pointed to the small local tourists map spread across his motel bed. The map was riddled with marks and circles with possible locations but Sam finally managed to narrow it down with hours of research and little sleep. “It’s an abandoned warehouse in Norfolk.” He plopped down in his bed and let out a deep sigh. He rubbed his chin, and then his eyes; attempting to clear them of any obvious fatigue. The three men, Castiel, Sam and Dean, were hunting. Partial to the obviousness, this mission wasn’t only a simple hunt, but more of a quest for an item. One of many they would gather for a special incantation. They had been on the lookout for this item for months now, and they were becoming more desperate as the days flew by them. Finally, a break… and they weren’t taking any chances. They had to act now.

“Okay, well then let’s go. The longer we wait, the better chance we miss them. Plus they have what we need, and we can’t lose it again.” Dean stood from his bed, and hastily began to put his shoes on. They had only been at this motel for less than a day and he was already getting antsy. He needed to get out and see some action. He stood, gabbed his bag and looked at the man sitting calmly. “You comin’ Cas?”

“Of course I am.” Castiel stood from his chair quickly, but Sam sat up and stopped him.

“Dean.” Sam sighed at his failed attempt to lay back and rest, annoyed at his brother’s eagerness. “It’s a military base. We have no way of slipping through. It’s well guarded. How do you suppose we are going get in there?” He emphasized by pointing to the location on the map again. It read: ‘Norfolk Naval Base’ in black bold letters. “It’s not like Cas can zap us there. We’d have to-“

“I could.” Castiel interrupted with his usual gruff voice. When Sam glanced at him, he rushed his words. “I mean, I can. Of course I can. I-” He looked at Dean for support as Sam shook his head. Sam looked Castiel dead in the eye, in all seriousness.

“Cas, hang on. What about your grace?” He looked at Dean and then back again. “It’s burning out, isn’t it? Teleporting will only make you weak, Cas.” He paused, thinking to himself. “We also need a way out. It’s too dangerous.” He shook his head and stood. Castiel’s grace had been burning out for some time now. He grew weaker as the months went by. Sam wasn’t ready to risk his friend’s life.

“I understand, Sam” Castiel looked at Dean with his expressionless face and sat down, making no move to start an argument. He figured Sam was right. What good was he without his grace? He could possibly prove to be a burden. But, he didn’t want the boys to go without him. He vowed to protect Dean with his dying breaths. Castiel argued internally with himself as the brothers looked on. After an awkward silence, Sam once again plopped onto his bed and covered his eyes with his arm, as to shield them from the overhead light. He sighed. “We’ll have to find another way.”

“What other way is there?” Dean finally spoke, his voice irritated. He had not bothered to sit, and started to pack his things. “It’s not like we can march up and act like we are feds. It’s a military base, Sammy. Cas is just going to have to do what he can.” Dean continued to pack his things, not waiting for a response.  Castiel exchanged glances between the two boys as the spoke.

Sam let out an exasperated sigh and sat straight up, glaring at Dean, his jaw set. “And you’re willing to risk that on some stupid hunt, for an object we aren’t even sure that they have? Come on Dean, this is Cas we are talking about.” He stood, his arm gesturing to the man in the chair.

“I know that! Cas is the reason why we are doing this Sam.” Dean blurted, his eyes shifting to Castiel for a second, and then back before he even knew he’d done it. He shoved a motel towel into his bag. “Cas has been through worse, Sam. Hell, he’s done worse.” He wasn’t expecting it, but he saw Castiel cringe slightly at the mention of it. Dean punched himself internally but continued to speak without hesitation “I’m sure he’ll be fine.”

Dean avoided eye contact with Castiel, instead staring at his brother. Although as hard as he tried, he still caught a glimpse of Castiel’s face. He looked offended and slightly hurt. Dean hated it when Castiel gave him that look, the look that made him feel bad for what he said. Dean really did care. The feeling really was there. Castiel was truly one of the family, Dean would sell his soul for him as quickly as he had for Sam. Only he knew this, but all of what he said was true.

Dean respected Castiel for all that he had done for them. He really truly believed that Castiel was a good man who attracted bad attention. If anyone would know what that would be like, Dean would.

“Cas. We need you with us. I know your grace is burning out but we might have found a way to fix that.” And I’ll be damned if we didn’t and this is just another dead end! He shouted to himself.  I’ll do anything to save you Cas. Dean was never one to express his emotions, especially in front of his brother. Castiel simply nodded and a glint of light shone in his eye as he smiled.

“I’m always happy to bleed for the Winchesters.”

Both Sam and Dean slightly cringed at that, but not enough for Castiel to notice. They both looked at each other. Dean cursed himself quietly before continuing. “He’s our only chance of killing this nest, Sam. If we don’t get to it now, we could have a whole army of Navy Vampires on our hands! Plus we just can’t risk missing out on the jump we have.” He threw his arms out for emphasis. “I, for one, don’t want to be the poor sap who has to track down a vampire that has the skills of a soldier.” He shuddered at the thought, and Sam shut his eyes and sighed for the millionth time in an hour.

They knew Castiel was there to protect them like he owed them his life, but the stuff that he had been through, they believed he deserved more than what he was giving himself.  He wanted to be a hunter, like the brothers. But ultimately, his true cause was to protect them. To them, Castiel was family. Ever since they lost Bobby, and then Kevin. He was all they had left. Now his grace was dying, and so was he.

“Dean...”

“Dean is right, Sam.” Castiel had someone managed to stand and move forward without Sam noticing, causing him to turn on his heel, slightly startled. “You need my help, and I am more than willing to offer it.” He looked at Dean and Dean could have sworn he saw a hint of a smile cross his features.

Castiel stood, confident of his statement. He’d always stick with them and the favor would always be returned. Now it was his turn to be helped and he wasn’t going to sit back and let them have all the fun.

In fact, that’s what this mission was all about. Castiel. Well, his grace. They had found someone – or something, that could possibly have a spell to bring it back, but the origins of the spell had been stolen. The trio had been on a goose chase ever since they got wind of it. It was a long shot, but Sam and Dean had gone on less, or so the saying goes. They were apt to do anything to help Castiel out, and in return he was there to help them. Lately however, Castiel grew much weaker, and in turn the brothers grew more desperate. Especially Dean.

In an amazing strike of luck, just a few days earlier they learned that one of the objects required for this spell – a feathered golden blade, bathed in the blood of thousands of souls – was in the possession of a nest of vampires. They had apparently been using it to enhance their senses and strength, ultimately being able to walk through walls and other, ‘unnatural’ things. Which was of course natural, to these three.

The blade was said to be able to kill any living creature in the universe, even God. Anyone who was stabbed by this blade would be tortured endlessly, and destroyed from the inside out very slowly, by each and every soul that tainted it. It was a slow and very painful death, and it was almost certain that no one had survived an encounter with it. The procedure required the blade in its entirety, to be melted down in the flames of holy oil.

That was only one of the steps though. It was a huge spell, and had many different unheard of items to collect. Returning the grace to a fallen angel proved to be no easy feat, but Sam and Dean were willing to do what they could. They had to, or Castiel was going to burn out.

“I’m ready to go.” Castiel broke into the silence, and they both looked at him. “Come on.” He began to walk out of the door to the motel, bag in tow.

“Dean…” Sam tried one last time. “Couldn’t we just try another way?”

Dean didn’t even acknowledge the question, and simply shook his head. “Come on Sammy. The sooner we get this blade, the sooner we can stop worrying about Cas. We’ll get his feathers back.” He threw his backpack over his shoulder and headed out the door, following Castiel to the impala

Sam set his jaw and yanked the map off the bed. He hastily shoved it in his pocket, and after a few words of a rather vulgar nature, ran out to catch up with the others, locking the door behind him.

---

It took the trio about twenty minutes to get where they needed to be, just to the outside of the Naval Base. As predicted, the security was tight, allowing only those with official military I.D.’s to enter. When Dean found a nearby hotel to park, he left the others in the car as he went to check them in for two rooms for the night.  They did not have time to settle in however, it was almost dusk and they wanted to have the cloak of night to cover them.

When Dean left the two in the car, the silence was welcome. Sam sat back and sighed, once more. He began to grow tiresome of that. They never had to break into a military base before. Even after all the things he and Dean had done, this was the most dangerous and quite possibly stupidest idea they ever had. It broke them wide open. He even began to wonder how the hell a nest of vampires could even be in there, and how they had stayed there for as long as they did. Among other things.

Despite all of that, nothing at the moment bothered Sam more than the look he saw on Castiel’s face as he gazed out the window. He seemed to be in a half dazed, half shocked state. He knew that look all too well. Sam turned around in his seat to look at him.

“Cas, what is it?” He asked warily. His eyes fixed to Castiel’s but they seemed distant and hard to capture.

Castiel turned and looked at Sam, his face somewhat glazed over. “I don’t know. I feel power radiating from this whole area. I can’t say what it is. I don’t know what it is, all I know is that it’s powerful.” He looked back out the window and Sam turned back around and glanced at Dean, who had just made his way back to the car and stood outside the window, carrying hotel keys.

Sam exchanged a look with Dean, his face riddled with worry and concern.

Dean looked confused at first but quickly realized what was going on. He walked over to where Cas was sitting in the car. “Cas, you okay?” He sounded genuinely concerned and tried to look the part as well.

“I’m fine. I’m just feeling a strange presence in this area.” Castiel said truthfully. He didn’t know what it was, but it was strange. He and Dean exchanged a long look.

Dean hesitated, getting lost in Castiel’s piercing eyes. Something strange? Should he be worried? “It’s probably just the blade. What else would it be?” He shook it off, walked back to the trunk and propped it open as Sam and Castiel got out of the car. “There is no reason why a bunch of fangs would be hosting so much energy if they didn’t have a good reason for it.”

Castiel nodded slowly, still looking unsure. His body quivered with radiation but his mind ignored it. “Yeah… yeah maybe you’re right. It’s the blade.” He said. “Are we ready to go yet, Dean?” Castiel was suddenly in a hurry but no one noticed.

Dean lifted a small machete from the trunk and stared at his reflection through it before putting it inside his coat. He patted his intimidatingly and smiled at Castiel .Sam did the same, grabbing a smaller yet just as deadly knife. Dean pulled another one out and handed it to Castiel, slamming the trunk shut as he spoke. “Here, take it. We’re ready.”

“Alright.” Castiel shoved the long knife into his trench coat and before anyone had time to prepare for the trip, he placed his hands on each of the brother’s shoulders and they were gone. The effort was straining but within a second they were where they needed to be.

Sam and Dean blinked and looked at their new surroundings, Sam feeling a rather unpleasant aftertaste from the trip. If Dean felt it, he never showed. They had apparated into a wooded area, isolated from public view. The building they were targeting was just about a mile to the south, from what Sam could tell.

They’d have to walk it but it wasn’t a difficult trail. In fact, there just happened to be a road heading in that direction just a few hundred feet from where they stood. It would mean they would be out in the open as they walked. Luckily, the sun was beginning to set, so they would have the cover of night on their side. The brothers slipped into the shrubbery when a car passed by on a nearby road. Sam turned back around after he was sure they car was out of sight, and was about to say something when he noticed Castiel.

The sudden change in the expression of his brother’s face concerned Dean a great deal, and he followed his gaze. Castiel was standing in the middle of them, drunken on his feet. He looked like he had been hit by a bus. Quickly, Sam and Dean both rushed to his side as he collapsed, and they held him steady. His breath was ragged and blood ran from his nose.  He leaned heavy on them and cried out, clutching his chest, and then suddenly became silent.

“Son of a bitch.” Dean called out. “Shit shit.  Cas. Are you with us? Castiel?” Dean pulled Castiel up against his chest as he collapsed on him and sat down slowly at the trunk of a nearby tree with the help of Sam, letting Castiel rest his head on his shoulder. “Come on.” He placed his hand to Castiel’s neck to hold it steady. “Cas? Buddy. Come on.” In the first few moments, there was no response. Dean moved to check if he was breathing.

Sam was surprisingly shocked into place by the sudden reaction of his brother. Yes, Castiel meant the world to Dean just like himself, and he only saw this side of his brother when either one of them were hurt. No matter how many times he witnessed it, it always surprised him to see a whole different side of his hardened, stone cold brother. Sam knew how much Dean really cared, even though he never would say so. Dean was never one to express emotion unless it was too much for him to handle. Sam figured, anymore loss or suffering and he knew Dean was sure to break. He honestly wasn’t sure how his brother could have made it this far, after all that he had been through and done.

When Dean looked at him, Sam quickly shook off the initial shock and knelt down to take Castiel’s wrist, attempting to check his pulse. Castiel pulled away weakly and put his hands up, pushing a startled Sam backwards.

“No. No hang on. Wait” He said sleepily, his strength returning to him. “I’m fine, honestly. I just need a chance to catch my breath. Sorry.” He lifted his head off of Dean’s shoulder and winced as he tried to control his breathing. Dean clutched his arm in response.

Castiel sucked in a deep breath slowly and looked at him. “Dean, I’m okay. It took a bit more out of me than expected but I’ll be fine.” He said as he coughed up blood. Dean shook his head.

Sam’s expression changed from worry to agitation as his eyes adjusted to the darkness and he saw Castiel’s true condition. He glared at Dean as they both helped Castiel up. “I knew we shouldn’t have done this. We need to go back. Cas, you are in no condition to do this.”

Sam could have sworn he was about to get an agreeing statement from his brother, but instead Castiel spoke over him. “I can’t. Even if I wanted to.” He steadied himself against a tree, no longer requiring the boy’s help. “I’m too weak. I can possibly get us back through within another two hours.” He coughed.

“We might as well get this over with. I can hold my own. My strength is beginning to return as we speak.” He pushed away from the tree and steadied himself. Then slowly, he took a few steps and got his bearings. His breathing was better as he spoke once more. “Alright, come on.”

Sam and Dean exchanged looks, and Dean looked more than a bit apologetic as they followed Castiel out of the wooded area and onto the road. Castiel had grown weaker over the months but this had been the lowest they’d seen him. Were they pushing him too hard? Sam could see that, but his thick headed brother looked right past it. All he wanted to do was get Castiel’s grace back, no matter the consequences. Sam scoffed at his brother and gave him a dirty look, refusing to say anything. They hurried to catch up with Castiel.

Finally after a slow walk that eventually picked up pace, they reached the compound, and Castiel seemed to be fairing much better to Sam and Dean’s relief. He was walking steady and his energy began to return to him.

To their surprise, he even decided to lead the way, following the radiating power that was surrounding them. A power that he could feel but the brothers could not. Castiel still wasn’t sure about it… it was a dark power; like black magic of sorts. He didn’t want to say anything to Dean because his better judgment told him that Dean was right. It was most likely the blade. A blade which contained thousands of souls. He knew well how powerful something like that could be. However, Castiel could sense there was something else. He couldn’t know for sure but he was curious to find out what could be illuminating so much power.

Sam and Dean quickly caught up with Castiel and they all began the daunting task of scoping out the building, looking for ways in and ways out. Curiously enough, there were barely any guards outside. Sam spotted only two young vampires listed at the front and two in the back. Three on the roof and another one in a vehicle off to the side. He thought that a bit odd.

“There is most likely more of them on the inside, but the windows are too dark to see them.” He pointed out. “We’ll just have to find a way in and go from there. “ He pulled his machete out of his coat pocket and started off without letting the others speak.

Before Dean drew his weapon to follow Sam, he looked at Castiel, who wore a pained expression on his face. “Cas you can stay here if you want. Sam and I can handle this.”

 “I’m fine.” Came his blunt reply.

“No you aren’t. You look like you’re still reeling from the trip here. Right?” He looked at Castiel curiously.

Castiel stood from his crouched position. “No. It’s not that.” He grunted, sucking in a deep breath. “Something is here Dean. I don’t like it.” He pulled the knife he had out of his trench coat. “Come on. I don’t want to be here any longer than we have to.” He went after Sam and Dean followed close behind, wondering what could possibly make Castiel so jumpy.

Not to anyone’s surprise, they made quick work of the lot that were outside, and in the process found a window that all three of them could slip through. After the job was all but done, Dean and Sam quickly disposed of the bodies, tossing them aside into a nearby wooded area.

Castiel slipped into the window and scoped out the room before the brothers returned, despite their better judgment to all go in together. Castiel couldn’t quite place it, but it felt as though something was calling to him. He took a deep breath and waited for the brothers to come around before he did a once around and gave them the “All clear.”

He shoved the bloodied knife back into his coat, and waited as Sam and Dean came through the window.  Castiel grew eager and went to the door, opening it slightly to peer outside. From what he could tell, there was no one in the hall. In fact it was eerily quiet.

The brothers were on his tail a few seconds later, knives still drawn. The trio slipped into the hallway, Castiel in the lead, still, the urge of something pulling him forward grew stronger and he was practically drinking it in.  Once they were sure no one was aware that they were there, they began to walk slowly down the hallway, checking and clearing every door along the way.  

Sam immediately thought it was odd that there wasn’t anyone here trying to stop them. “I don’t understand?” He whispered to Dean. “Why isn’t there more guards?”

Castiel nodded slowly and looked at Dean, answering for him. “I’m not sure.” He whispered back. He began to feel uneasy, as if it were clearly a trap. Suddenly the urge to follow the trail died off and he became clearly aware of what they were actually doing “Dean, maybe we should go-“

“We’re so close! Cas we need this. We can handle a few vampires. Come on.” Dean’s eyes darted back and forth, he himself feeling very uneasy. He was poised to strike at the drop of a dime. Moving in front of Sam, he looked at Castiel with those protective eyes of his. “I’m not going to give up and let you die Cas.”

 “Dean, I know-“ Sam started but he was stopped by a small yet deafening noise.

Snap

The all too familiar sound of an audible snap rang through their ears. They stopped suddenly and Castiel looked down at his feet. He screamed internally at the sight that laid before him. He wasn’t paying attention. He’d killed them all. His breath caught in his throat and his heart skipped a beat. Dean.

Below his feet was a trip wire. One so carefully placed that they did not see until it was too late. Castiel bumped it and set it off. That’s why there is no one in here. He thought, suddenly realizing what was about to happen. Bomb bomb BOMB! No!

He had no other option, Castiel had to act quickly. He had to protect Sam and Dean no matter what the cost. There was all of about four seconds until it would be too late. Four seconds until all three of them were going to die in a fiery explosion. Castiel made a desperate plea and prayed for all of his remaining strength. For the Winchesters.

These were the longest four seconds in Dean Winchester’s life.  He stood in shock, trying to take it all in. So quickly everything changed. It send him in a while wind of utter confusion. Dean dropped his blade and his legs turned to jelly.

In those four seconds, Castiel spun around quickly, enough to make Dean’s vision of him a blur. He blinked, trying to understand all of what was happening. Suddenly, everything in Dean’s field of vision was moving in slow motion. Sam turned on his heel and reached out for Dean, his hair fluffing out like an offended porcupine.

Castiel’s face was lit with pure horror as he locked eyes with Dean. He knew what was about to happen, but instead he moved toward Castiel in what felt like inches per minute. “No!” He reached out but hands grabbed him and pulled him back. Sam was yelling but the words came out in a jumbled, slurred mess.

The former angel’s face contorted from fear, to shock. Then quickly to rage, his movements were so erratic and blunt, yet so perfectly timed. He shut his eyes. Shoving all realistic emotions aside, he quickly began building up his rage. The pain was too much and he felt himself separate from his body in an attempt to stay conscious.  

His body began to glow and his eyes lit up a deafening blue as he opened them again. His frayed wings started to spring up and the ringing became all but bearable as Sam pulled Dean farther away.

It was all Dean could do to stop himself from running toward the man that cried out in pain and fear. He had never heard him scream like that. It was as though the leviathan were ripping him to shreds again, from the inside out; only a million times more brutally. Milliseconds felt like eons as he saw Sam struggle to pull him back but felt nothing. Suddenly and without warning, Castiel thrusts both of his arms forward, in the direction of the brothers. The sheer pressure and force that suddenly overwhelmed them was so powerful, that it knocked the wind out of both Sam and Dean as they were thrown backwards. Castiel had pushed them away with just a flick of his wrists.

In only a matter of seconds, Dean’s world came crashing to a sudden halt as body met glass. Windows smashed behind him and Sam as they both crashed into them simultaneously. The sheer force sent them flying out of the building and onto the muddy outside ground. They fell into heaps, too stunned to move or react. Dean’s vision darkened and he screamed out for Sam. He frantically tried to blink the darkness away and look for his brother. Both of them were able to stay conscious through the impact, but they were unable to move. Their bodies in shock from the pain.

Suddenly a bright white light blinded their vision. It came from where they were just standing moments ago. “Cas!” Dean croaked out. His back rippled with pain from the impact as he tried to move. “CAS!”

As if in response only seconds later, the building shook as the whole area was suddenly engulfed in an explosion large enough to take out an entire block.  The flames spread fast and the boys felt the heat almost immediately as they saw it.

Sam and Dean cringed and covered their faces, waiting to be burned alive by the towering flames. But, something was holding it back from getting to them. The brothers looked on in horror as the blinding light seeped through the halls and the explosion rang in their ears. 

Before it could consume them, the light suddenly disappeared as quickly as it came, and was sucked into itself like a black hole. Amazingly, it was all gone. The flames, the light. All that remained was the heat and reminder of it all.

The boys dared open their eyes to see that the entire central structure of the building had collapsed onto itself. Smoke and debris fell everywhere. They couldn’t see the center of the structure anymore, right where they and Castiel were standing moments before. Full realization began to settle in for the brothers as they started and stood, gasping in pain. Castiel! He had protected them from the explosion but in return received all of the damage in one full blow. He sacrificed himself for the Winchesters.

Sam and Dean looked at each other, their horror stricken faces and battered bodies stood there, trying to understand what the hell just happened. Dean’s legs gave out on him as he collapsed against a still standing section of the wall, breathing heavily and clutching his side. He pulled his hand away and found it completely soaked in blood. He was cut badly from the glass. He swallowed, despite his sand paper dry mouth, and looked at Sam. “Sammy.” He called out.

Sam looked at Dean with his gleaming eyes. He was still reeling from the whole ordeal but he managed to escape with only some nasty cuts and possibly a broken rib. When he noticed Dean laying there, hand covered in blood and his skin white as a sheet, he immediately ran to his side, ignoring the protests from his own body. “Dean. Dean! Oh God.” He knelt down and proceeded to lift Dean’s hand up to look at the wound. “Jesus.”

Sam ripped off an already frayed end of his shirt and balled it up, pressing it against Dean’s wound. He winced in pain as Sam put pressure on the area. “Dean, hang on. Stay with me, okay?”

Chapter Text

Dean blinked slowly and nodded. The blood loss was starting to make him dizzy. He wanted to sleep but quickly realized it wasn’t an option. “Cas!” He shouted, fighting through the haze. He took his brother’s arm and pulled himself up, leaning heavily against the wall. Sam continued to fret over him, saying something about getting out of here. “Sam we need to get to Cas.” Dean pushed him away and stood, breathing heavily. “This can’t be happening.” He shook his head as if to wake himself from a nightmare.

Sam looked at his brother with a pained expression, his eyes glassy. He didn’t know what to say. Castiel was dead. After all that they had been through, after all that had happened. After all this time… Over some stupid little mistake. A stupid fucking mistake that could have been avoided if it wasn’t for…

Castiel was dead. Sam blinked, once. Twice.

He couldn’t speak the words, they were too unreal for him. How could anyone survive something like that? He didn’t. Dean wasn’t about to face that. Sam swallowed the words.

Dean clutched at his side as he tried to walk, his adrenaline pumping at 500mph. He was no longer dizzy or tired. He just needed to get into that building. Sam eventually gave up trying to hold him back, realizing he wasn’t as hurt as he initially thought. Still he remained close to him as Dean barged his way through a broken door and inside of what was remaining of the building.

Without hesitation, the brothers began making their way to the canter of what was the explosion. Rubble and debris and smoke covered every corner. The roof was partially caved in and quite possibly every single window was broken, but they didn’t look long enough to check them all. Large slabs of concrete and metal had fallen and were blocking the path. Begrudgingly, they had to climb and crawl for what seemed like forever. Dean grew disparate as he fought through the pain. His eyes frantically scanning the area for anything.

Your fault!

The pain became numbness and numbness became anger as they moved further and further toward the center. Sam wanted to pull back. He did not want to see what they were going to find. Or what they weren’t going to find.

He couldn’t convince Dean otherwise. He was on a mission and nothing could be said or done to stop him. Sam knew his brother well enough. He and Castiel were all he had left and he’d do anything to keep it that way. His heart ached for the loss of Castiel but also for his brother, knowing that this was going to break him. Sam feared losing them both.

“I’m not ever losing anyone else.” He’d say. “Not you, or Cas. You’re all I have left. I’ve been to hell and back for you Sammy. I know you don’t feel the same way I do about that kind of stuff, but if I had the option to do it all again, I would. For you, and for Castiel.”

Debris, scaffolding, wires, concrete – as large as the span of Dean’s car – and paper was scattered everywhere, dust still swirling about in the air, disturbed from its long slumber. Glass littered the entire ground, crunching loudly each time they took a step. Sam stood back and looked on as his brother struggled to climb on top of a large section of the roof that had collapsed into the path. Once they were able to clear it, they reached the area that they had been before everything happened.

Not to Sam’s surprise, there was no sign of Castiel anywhere, and he didn’t think his heart could sink any lower. It was growing even darker outside and they were working off of the moonlight that shone from the gaps in the ceiling. He pulled out a lighter from his pocket and flicked it on. It helped a little bit as he and his brother started to look, Dean’s voice raising in pitch as he became more panicked and impatient. He yelled out in frustration when after a quick look over, he could not find Castiel.

How could you let something like this happen to your friend?

“Cas!” Dean yelled out, his voice breaking at the name. No answer “Castiel!” He began to toss stuff about, pacing around the area, his one hand still clutched to his side and the other grabbing and throwing whatever he could get his hands on. He continued to yell out, to no avail. Did he actually expect Castiel to appear out of thin air, as if nothing happened? Deep down, yes. He did.

Death follows you and you allow it to take everything away from you.

Sam continued to look, shining the flame over his head. “Castiel?” He asked curiously. He knew calling out would be futile, but for the moment he needed to help his brother. He closed his eyes and sighed deeply, defeated. His emotions were currently strung up on wires. God, how the fuck were they going to get out of here? Someone must have heard. Someone must be coming.

Sam spun around in a tight circle, doubling over, his breath quickening. He swallowed hard and put his hand up to his mouth, closing his eyes. He couldn’t do this now. There was too much happening at once. Too much to think about.

Castiel is dead.

Who set the bomb?

Who went to all this trouble?

How are we going to get out of here?

Castiel is dead.

How could we let this happen?

Where’s the blade. 

Castiel is dead. Castiel is…

Sam’s thoughts suddenly came screeching to a halt once he noticed something strange on the floor. Or, more so what he didn’t notice. There was a spot on the floor that he saw to have not once speck of dust or soot on it, and it was very noticeable. It was like someone had scrubbed that small portion of the floor clean after the bomb went off.

He angled his head curiously, as if to study it better. He could tell that it was almost too well shaped, as if intentional. Sam placed two fingers on the bare spot that he was able touch and then brought them back up to examine them, bringing them close to the flame of his lighter. Yeah, completely clean. Upon further inspection, he noticed that the form would take the shape of a large circle. He estimated the size, however was unable to because 2/3 of the mysterious shape was covered in…

“Cas!” Sam yelled out, suddenly realizing what he was looking at, at the same time wondering how he could be so stupid to not notice right away. It stared him right in the face. A large circle completely clear of any dust, and over half of it was covered in falling debris from the roof and walls. Sam cringed at the sight and reacted immediately, shoving things to the side despite the burning in his ribs and the ache in his muscles.

They began shouting and yelled for Castiel but got no answer. Dean became more desperate and started to try and remove a huge section of concrete that had fallen on smaller pieces beneath it, right over top or what Sam could only believe to be a protection circle. Sam grew impatient at the time and effort it was taking to get it out of the way so he dove underneath the obstacle to get a better look. He shoved his lighter into the small area flicking it on after a third try, and so help him God, Castiel was there. He almost cried out in shock but confusion overwhelmed him.

“Dean! He’s here! He’s here!” Sam tried to reach him but every possible fucking thing was in the way, and he yelled out in frustration. “Dean!” He called out again. “Get it off… it’s crushing him! Jesus Christ.” Sam had not one doubt in his mind that Castiel was dead, but something kept him going. He reached again, trying to grab at his hand.

“Is he breathing?” Dean yelled from above, his voice straining as the concrete slowly moved. “Is he alive?!” Sam jumped up and began pushing the weight with Dean. A loud cursing from both of them and the debris were suddenly slid out of the way. They went for the smaller pieces and made quick work of them, tossing them away quickly. “No! Don’t touch that one!” Dean suddenly shouted. “It’s deep. If we move it he’ll bleed out.” He bit his lower lip and inhaled sharply. There he was, in one piece. A surprise to Sam, who stood there in shock as Dean fell to his knees next to him.

Castiel couldn’t have been in worse shape. At least that’s the thought that crossed Dean’s mind as he took a moment to look him over. Only just a moment though. Bloodied from head to toe, either from the building practically falling on top of him, or the strain of burning his grace just to save them. His trench coat was torn to shreds and laid slack against his body. His hair matted to his head from the still wet blood that trailed across his face and into a growing pool beneath him. The crimson bled from his mouth and his nose, and even his forehead. Deep cuts grazed his arms, chest and legs. A piece of metal gouged into the right side of his abdomen. The whole left side of his face burnt badly, along with 40% of his body. A horribly deep gash grazed across his chest, clearing away trench coat, shirt and skin. His clothes torn to shreds against him. Castiel’s chest sunk in, and there were no signs of life.

You killed your only friend. This is all on you.

Dean shook the tortured thoughts out of his mind as he tried to concentrate. He whimpered, almost too afraid to touch him, to cause him anymore pain. His reminded himself to breathe but found it difficult. He reached down, his hand hesitating for only a moment, hovering directly on top of Castiel’s shoulder. He didn’t want to take any chances in injuring him any further but at the same time he didn’t care, he just needed to comfort him, to help him. He gently cupped Castiel’s face into his hands, and his breath caught in his throat when there was no response. Dean closed his eyes.

Look at him. Look at him!

You are to blame.

“Cas.” He whispered, slowly opening his eyes to what he hoped was just a nightmare, but it was clear as day, his worst nightmare becoming reality once again. Dean sat and pulled Castiel up and laid him against his chest. He rubbed his shoulder, shook him gently, anything he could think of to get Castiel to respond. The seconds passed like hours, he felt as though his whole reality was in slow motion.

Dean for some unknown reason, grew oddly annoyed with how Castiel’s hair clung to his face all matted and bloody, so he carefully brushed it aside only to reveal a huge gash in his forehead. Dean swallowed deeply and his eyes began to sting. He didn’t fight the tears, and they began to flow. “No…”

How could you be so selfish?

He shook the man gently and to Dean’s utter dismay, there was still no response. His heart skipped a few beats and his mouth grew unbearably dry. “Cas? Oh God... no, no, no. Cas. Please no. You have to stay with us.” Tears streamed down his face now as he buried it into Castiel’s broken and agonizingly unmoving body. “No, no. Please!” he breathed, rocking back and forth, arms wrapped around his best friend. Dean could feel his heart thudding as he tried to wake his friend, growing more panicked as the moments ticked by and Castiel still lay limp in his arms.

“No.”

You deserve this pain.

“No please, God no.” Dean’s sobs wracked his body. He hugged Castiel closer, willing the life to be returned into him. He had never prayed so hard in his life.

You can never do anything right.

“Dean! Shh it’s okay. Dean. Dean snap out of it!” Sam tugged on Dean’s shoulder. “Get ahold of yourself. Move, let me see him!” Sam shoved Dean almost away from Castiel but he tightened his grip, not wanting to let go.

Sam got down on his knees and looked him right in the eyes. “Dean! Let me check his pulse. Let me check his pulse! You need to hold it together.” He looked at his brother, his eyes watering.

Dean nodded, sniffling. He grew still, not even moving to take a breath as his brother checked for anything. His hands were shaking so bad as they held on to Castiel, never wanting to let go. Never.

Sam placed a hand over Castiel’s mouth briefly, shaking his head. Dean squeezed his eyes shut and looked up to the sky, suddenly mesmerized by the stars that shined brightly in the darkness. He stroked Castiel’s hair once more, looking at his face. “Cas…” The moonlight showed in full his face and its features. He almost looked relaxed, like he was sleeping peacefully. Dean found himself dazed, finding a sudden beauty that laid beneath him. He was concentrating so hard that he almost thought he saw Castiel’s lips part slightly as if he were about to say something. Dean drew a sharp intake and completely forgot Sam was there until he spoke up.

Sam sat there, his face twisted in disbelief and confusion. “Dean he’s got a pulse.” He said warily, unsure of how to continue. Dean looked up at his brother, waiting. “I can feel it… I- I can feel it, but barely. He’s bleeding out. I don’t know… I don’t know how. He was crushed… impossible.” He raked his hand through his hair.  “God. Cas…” Sam was still on his knees when he shook his head slightly but Dean spoke up, his voice cracked.

“He’s still… he’s still got a pulse?” Dean tried to wrap himself around the words that hung in the air above him. At first they were foreign to him, he found himself staring at Castiel again. “He’s alive… Sam, he’s alive.” Dean spoke just above a whisper, his voice hissing in the dark.

Sam nodded, his face twisted with worry and angst.

But for how much longer?

Dean held Castiel close, noticing the blood that now stained his coat and all the way through to his skin. He could feel the wetness as it seeped out. He would be dead soon from loss of blood. “Cas, can you hear me? Please hold on. Please.” He whispered, tears still coming. Castiel was alive but it didn’t change anything. He might as well have been dead but a small glimmer of hope was possible. He was fighting, Castiel was fighting it. Even an angel can only fight so long.

Dean collected his thoughts and looked around, observing his surroundings. It was pitch black besides the flicker of Sam’s lighter, dimly lighting the area. He had no possible idea how the hell they were going to get out of here, and then get help. If they had any chance of saving Castiel, it would have to be soon.

Why bother, you’ll only just fail him like you did everyone else.

Dean shuddered, willing the delirious thoughts to leave him alone. Think you moron, think!

There was no zapping out of here, that option clearly off the table. Nor was there any way they could call for help. The police would come and take them away and there would be no way around it. If they try to run, they would lock down the base. Besides, there was no way in hell that they were leaving Castiel all by himself. Dean was at a loss. He shook his head, unable to wipe his tear stained face. More tears came but he pushed them away, trying to think.

“I can call Crowley.” Sam wondered in the dark, obviously thinking the same thing Dean was. He knelt down again and put his hand on Castiel’s chest, bringing the light closer. The sight beneath him was almost too much to look at. He too fought back tears. Dean uttered a strangled noise from his mouth but refused to say anything.

“Dean it’s all we have.” He sighed, desperate to cut the conversation. “I hate to say it, I really hate to say it,” He emphasized, “We’re going to have to put our trust into Crowley. There is no one else.” Sam set his jaw and checked Castiel’s pulse again. He swallowed and quickly stood, enough to make Dean’s head spin.

“We have to move now, Dean. Cas is fading fast.” He turned around, pausing a moment before pulling out his cellphone.

“Dean you have to realize, we might not be able to save him.” Sam said, wishing he could eat the words.

Dean shook his head, speaking for the first time in nearly five minutes, his voice harsh and drawn like he hadn’t uttered a word in months. Sam cringed. “No, Sam. This is all my fault.” His voice broke. ”If it wasn’t for me, this would have never happened.”  Dean retorted the words that were continuously thrown at him through his shitty train of thought. He bit his lip as another came through.

You destroy those closest to you.

Sam turned around and began to say something but Dean didn’t leave him enough room. “I was so damn eager to get in here and get the blade.” Dean shut his eyes briefly, then continued. “To save Cas and his damn grace. I didn’t even realize that I was putting him in danger. I truly didn’t... I was blind. Dammit Sam, I can’t let him die like this. I can’t.” He looked as Castiel longingly and muttered something unintelligible before speaking up again. “I won’t be able to live with myself. I won’t.”

Dean said nothing more and Sam dialed a number on his phone.