Archive of Our Own ^beta

Adora couldn’t quite fight the shaking in her hands as she walked toward the clearing. It was surreal that, even after the repair of the Whispering Woods back to its shifting ways, she never had trouble finding it. As soon as she stepped into the Woods knowing where she needed to go, her trek would take her to that place. Some invisible guiding force either knew exactly what she needed, or loved to watch her squirm.

The same force seemed to feel the same about Catra. The first time Adora found Catra there, looking around with her defenses down as she crept along the edges of the exposed forest floor, she only froze in place. The familiar twist in her gut formed; some kind of feeling that surpassed fear or hatred or anger of grief, and transformed into something new entirely. And that time, she felt that twist travel to the newly healed scars on her back. It was then that she hissed out a wince.

After that she only caught a glimpse of blue and gold before she found herself alone, spinning around rapidly and craning for the slightest sound, any indication.

Catra did not answer when she called.

She never did anymore.

Almost every time Adora entered the Woods, she would find herself in the clearing. After a training with Light Hope? A quick run to clear her head? A perimeter patrol? All paths lead here. And at least half the time, Adora caught a glimpse of her. And at least half of those times, Catra looked so pissed at the fact that they were there, together, and again, that Adora braced herself for a fight. But every time, Catra left. Not a word. Not an answer. Just a ship passing her in the night.

This time though, Adora walked with intention, and prayed that whatever force kept leading her here would let her have this chosen moment. The box in her hand was light, and wrapped delicately, which was the only thought keeping her from gripping it until her knuckles turned white.

She was close now, if the increasing tightening in her chest was any indication.

Moonlight washed over her when she stepped out of the tree line. The familiar sensation of peace that she’d grown used to having there settled into her chest, and pulled her gut to look. Adora took a deep breath and listened.

Catra was there, her back turned and scratching her head as she glanced between two trees. She looked the same as ever, if not a little more cleaned up than Adora was used to. A lot changes in a few months. Her throat clenched under the weight of the thought, so she shook her head, cleared her throat, and stepped forward.

Before any words left her, she found herself alone; the flash of blue and gold and a following rustle the only proof that she hadn’t made up the woman in the first place.

Adora sighed, her shoulders slumping a bit, despite herself. “Catra. Catra, please. I– I came here to see you.”

Silence.

Adora pursed her lips and closed her eyes, willing the sting of tears back into her skull. She might still be here. “It’s Collision Day in Bright Moon. It’s like, the anniversary of the birth of the planet, or something. They make a whole big deal of it. It’s so weird.” She laughed once, thinking of Glimmer and Bow’s frantic bursts of excitement as they chattered on about decorations and celebrations and traditions. “But uh, they do this one thing. People get gifts for people they care about. It’s supposed to represent that you’re grateful to know them, and that you hope to know them for another year.” She fiddled with the bow on the box in her hand. “And uh. I– I got you one. Uh, a gift that is.” She lifted the gift slightly and glanced around the tree line.

Silence.

“Well. I just wanted you to have it.” Silence echoed back to her as she stared at the ground. “I wanted to see you.” Treacherous tears broke free and slipped down her cheeks. She wiped at them with her fists and inhaled sharply, then straightened. “Anyway, you don’t have to come out. I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to. I’ll just set this year, and hopefully you’ll get it later.”

Adora was only half crouched down, the box barely grazing the grass, when she was tugged back up gently from behind.

Her breath caught in her throat as she turned. Catra was looking at her, one eyebrow raised, a smirk on her face. More unguarded than Adora had seen her in months. Months. The only give away to her discomfort was the twitchiness in her tail and the occasional flick of her ears.

“Hey, Adora.”

“Hey.” It was some sort of choked, mangled laugh more than a word, but it was all she could muster.

Catra narrowed her eyes for only a moment before carrying on whatever façade she was trying on. “So. You got me a gift for once.”

“Yeah.” God, I wish you would realize you don’t have to pretend with me. “Uh, here.”

Catra took the box and their fingers brushed together for a moment. Of course they did. A shiver ran up Adora’s arm as Catra pulled away and tugged on the string, none the wiser to the Adora’s reaction. She lifted the lid to the box with surprising delicacy, her brows furrowing in genuine curiosity as she dug through the tissue paper. She glanced at Adora, eyebrow raised and ears flattened. “I never made your gifts so hard to get to.”

You’re teasing me. We haven’t spoken in…months, and you’re teasing me.

Adora forced a half smile on her face. “I would argue a different case, but whatever.”

Catra huffed, opened her mouth, and then relaxed entirely as she pulled the gift out, whatever retort she’d been about to release fading away.

Adora wet her lips and stepped forward, closer into her old friend’s space. “They’re to help you with the climbing. They have tech that makes it easier to grip surfaces that don’t have anything to hold onto.” Catra didn’t look at her, didn’t tear her eyes away from the pair of black fingerless gloves in her hand. Adora stepped forward again. “You just, uh, you fall a lot lately. I thought this would help–”

Catra looked at her then, and Adora’s words died. It wasn’t a glare. It wasn’t laced with anger or bitterness or mistrust. It was open and sad and confused and god, did Adora get that.

“Help keep you safe,” she finished.

The last time they stood this close without fighting was the simulation. Adora was scared then. Scared of what they were seeing and what was happening and what it all meant. What she wasn’t scared of, then, was Catra. Since then, she had learned the consequences of her hubris there. Since then, she learned everything Catra was truly capable of.

Even so, Adora was scared of something else entirely now.

“You’re a fucking idiot.”

Then Catra’s lips were on hers; crashing and nipping and pulling and tasting and it was all Adora could do not to cry right then and there. Instead, she slipped one arm around the cat’s waist and cupped her cheek with the other. Instead, she kissed her the way she’d been dying to for since before She-Ra, since ever. Instead, she pulled her close and willed the world to freeze and stop and let her have this chosen moment. Forever.

Catra stopped it, pushed Adora back when she tried to pull her back in, and stepped back. Both of them held a look for a moment, both of their lips swollen and breathing heavy. But Catra broke that too, favoring the clasps of her old gloves over the pleading look in Adora’s eyes. The echoing sound of her removing the old and letting them drop to the forest floor and replacing them with the new was strangely harrowing in Adora’s skull, each second passed without speaking another second she could doubt all of this.

When Catra was done, she flexed her fingers and wiggled them a few times, turning her hands over to look at the angles. When she finally, finally, looked at Adora again, she was smirking. “Not bad, princess.”

“Catra.” Adora’s voice was a rasp, barely letting the other woman finish speaking before it tumbled out of her. “Catra, what are we doing?”

“Apparently exchanging gifts.”

“Fuck off.” Adora pinched her eyes shut, willing back tears. “You know what I meant.”

Catra frowned and cocked her hand on one hip. “What do you want me to say here, Adora? That we’re fine? That we can work all this out just because we like to make out?”

That you miss me every day. That you’ve wanted to kiss me as many times as you’ve wanted to kill me. That you feel the same way I do. That you so tired of this, too.

Adora said nothing, her vision blurring as she took in the flat acceptance reflected back in her friend’s eyes. Catra was beyond anger and bitterness because it was beyond fixing. Adora was beyond it because it had turned into something else.

Catra shook her head. “We’re not fine.” She stepped forward and cupped Adora’s cheek, and wiped away an errant tear as she did. “You know that. You’re not that thick.”

“I know. I just…I miss you.”

“Of course you do.” Catra leaned in close, her mouth only centimeters from hers. “I’m glad you do.” She pulled back again, and let her hand drop. “But that, this gift, this stupid fucking clearing, doesn’t just fix this.”

“I know, I know.” Adora sighed and shook her head. “It was–” Words were difficult. How do you tell the girl you love that you wish you’d left everything behind with her? How do you express the guilt you feel for failing her? For abandoning her? “I just wanted a moment, I guess.”

“Well, you got it.” Catra examined one gloved hand again, then smirked at her anew. No matter how many times she did it, Adora didn’t think she’d ever tire of the expression on the cat’s face. “But I will use these. And maybe I’ll think twice about attacking you with them.” She leaned in and pressed her lips to Adora’s earlobe. “But probably not though.”

Adora turned toward the cat, whether to say something else equally combative or kiss her again, she wasn’t sure, but it didn’t matter. Catra had slipped away, leaving only the echo of a rustle and the ghost-heat of her touch behind.

The loss of her, the lack of her presence, was enough to snap what little strength Adora had been maintaining. It was enough to tighten her chest until it ached and blur her vision. It was enough to bring her to her knees, burying her face in her hands while her gasps for air were swallowed by the wind.

And Adora had to wonder if the moment was worth it at all.