Archive of Our Own ^beta

Inspired by I Want You by SHINee



    Jisung wanted to cry. All these feelings weighing down his heart, all those things he never said clogging up his throat. Jisung was remembering. He remembered his best friend, his other half. His sunshine on a cloudy day. The one who never left his side. He remembered the laughter, the melting ice cream on a sunny day. Jisung remembered all those days spent playing in the snow, and the head colds that came after. He remembered Minho, the Minho that was his and his alone. But most of all, he remembered when everything changed.
    
    He didn’t know why things changed, but one day his best friend was... Different. And not in a good way. They spent less time with each other, and Jisung found himself slipping farther away from his counterpart. If Jisung was less sleep deprived, and more coherent, he would tell himself that it was only natural, after all they were growing up, and they had new friends.
    
    The other never truly left, and Jisung still saw him every day. They just were no longer best friends. Despite the many valid reasons that this may have occurred, Jisung was still hurt. He wondered, often, if it was his fault that the other had become distant. He was simply left one day with the sinking feeling that he was alone.

    Now, Jisung was never literally alone. He had his other friends, he had Chan and Changbin. But none of them would ever fill the hole that was left in his heart.

    Jisung started as something fell onto his hand, and upon looking down, he realized he was crying. Somewhere within him, a sort of dam broke, and he gave in to the wave of emotion that had been threatening to take him over.

    He cried and cried, although he made no sound. He was used to this, living in an apartment with 2 other people. No noise ever escaped him except the occasional sniffle, and so far, no one had noticed. He had to take extra care tonight, however, because his friends, his housemates, had people over. Ordinarily, Jisung would have called these people his friends too, but on a night like tonight, they were just guests to hide himself from.

    Jisung was slipping into sleep when he heard his door open.

    “Oh, Sungie...” A voice, all too familiar whispered softly from the doorway. Jisung froze. He sat up slowly, and held his breath in an attempt to calm his erratic heartbeat.
    “What’re you doing here, Minho? Everyone else is in the living room.” Jisung said, trying not to betray the fact that he had just been crying over the very boy standing in his room.

    “I... I just came to talk to you about something, but that can wait. What’s wrong, Sung?” Minho breathed, coming to sit on the edge of Jisung’s bed.

    “It- it’s nothing, really, I’m just being dramatic.” Jisung answered, avoiding eye contact.

    “It’s not nothing, anything that makes my Sungie cry is enough for me to worry about,” Minho said, sending a shiver down Jisung’s spine. My Sungie. Minho hadn’t called him that in a long time. If he was being honest, Jisung thought he’d never hear it again. “Now tell me, what’s bothering you?” The older boy continued.

Jisung stilled for a moment before replying. “I’m tired, Min, can we talk about it in the morning?”

    “Of course, Sungie, you look tired. Is there anything you want me to do?” Minho asked, making a move to get up. Oh, Minho, you have no idea of the things I wish you’d do...

    Acting half on impulse, Jisung reached out and grabbed Minho’s wrist. “Can you just... Stay? Like you used to...” Jisung mumbled. Miraculously, Minho understood.

    “Scooch.” Minho ordered, and slid under the covers next to Jisung, who hadn’t realized that he’d lain down. He was so close that Jisung could feel his breath on his face, and Jisung’s poor heart rate accelerated once more.

    Minho pulled Jisung closer so that his face was pressed into his neck, and draped an arm over the younger boy to rub soothing circles into his back. Jisung unconsciously relaxed into the touch, his exhaustion catching up to him. He made sure to make the most of this moment, because Minho was almost definitely going to be gone when he woke up.

    As Jisung was drifting into sleep, he thought he heard the words he’d been wanting to hear for a long time.

    “I missed you, Sungie...”
    
    Only half-aware of his own voice, Jisung whispered back softly, “I missed you too,” before slipping into the deepest slumber he’d had for a long time.

    

***


    When Jisung woke up, there was light streaming through his windows and a hand carding softly through his hair. His eyes widened as the memories of the previous night flooded back to him, and the realization that Minho had stayed hit him.

    Jisung shifted a bit to look up at the owner of the hand.

    “Hey, sleepyhead.” Minho said with a soft smile.

    “G’morning...” Jisung managed, his eyes shutting again as he melted into the sensation of his hair being played with.

    “Afternoon, actually. It’s past noon.” Jisung could hear the grin in Minho’s voice without even opening his eyes.

    “Why’re you still here then? You have, like, a life.” Jisung questioned, opening one eye a crack to peer up at the older boy. The hand carding through his hair paused for a moment, before resuming it’s rhythm.

    “Remember, I wanted to talk to you about something yesterday... and don’t think I forgot that you still need to tell me what was wrong.” Minho said, looking down at Jisung with an unfamiliar, yet pleasant look in his eye.

    Jisung sat up and yawned. “What’d you wanna talk about Min? Is it important?”

    “To me, yeah... It’s.... I suppose you could say it’s been a long time coming.” Minho replied, looking anywhere other than Jisung’s face. “Just let me explain, before you say anything, okay?” He cut Jisung off as he opened his mouth.

    “You’ve been my best friend since... Well, since forever, I guess, and you still are. It’s my fault we haven’t seen each other, it’s because I was too much of a coward to stay, I guess. The truth is, I think... Ji, I think I’m a little on love with you... I mean, I always have been, but this past year I guess I just realized how far gone I was. So yeah, I like you. A lot. And I guess, I’m yours if you want me. Take that as you will.” Minho fumbled a little with his words, and looked around uncertainly, afraid to meet Jisung’s eyes.

    Jisung found himself crying again, but this time it was different. His heart felt whole, and his entire body was warm again. He was smiling, really smiling, for the first time in a long time, and this time, it felt as though his tears said everything his words couldn’t. Jisung threw himself forward and buried his face in Minho’s neck, and choked out four simple words: “I do want you.” Strong arms wrapped around his waist and hugged him tight, and Jisung felt safe and secure.

    Jisung didn’t have to remember anymore, for his happy times were right in front of him, and they were no longer tinged with bittersweet. As he was grinning and crying, Jisung heard a voice in his ear.

    “I can’t let you go. Not again. Never again.”