Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

9:04 pm

Lanceypants added Pidgeon, Takashi, Kogayne, Princess, and HunkyMonkey to the chat!

Lanceypants named the chat This Is So Sad Paladins Form Voltron

Lanceypants: welcome

Kogayne: what the fuck

Takashi: Language, Keith.

Kogayne: you’re not my real dad

Princess: Hello Keith. Hello Shiro. Hello Lance.

HunkyMonkey: Hi I guess

Pidgeon: why lance

Lanceypants: because I can 

Pidgeon: i con’t believe you’ve done this

Princess: I am confused.

Pidgeon: it’s a vine

Princess: Oh! Is that one of the plants here? It has quite a long name. 

Lanceypants: adnfgnfrntknd

Princess: Excuse me?

HunkyMonkey: i’ve learned that it’s best not to ask questions when it comes to those two

Princess: I’ll take your word for it.

Kogayne: lance why did you make a group chat?

Lanceypants: because this way I can bother all of you at the same time

Takashi: Great. I thought we got enough of that already.

Pidgeon: Ooh! shiro burn! those are rare!

Takashi: Makes them all the more lethal.

Lanceypants: i came out here to have a good time and honestly i feel so attacked

Pidgeon removed Lanceypants from the chat!

Pidgeon: the evil has been defeated

Kogayne: my crops are flourishing

Pidgeon: my depression is cured

Kogayne: my pores are clear

HunkyMonkey: thank gos

Pidgeon: gos

Kogayne: gos

Takashi: gos

Princess: …Gos?

HunkyMonkey: no stop

Pidgeon changed HunkyMonkey’s name to gos  

gos: i hate this family 

Princess: Is this chat just for picking on one another? If so shall we add Lance back in?

Pidgeon: djfgjkdsanv

Pidgeon added Lanceypants to the chat!

Pidgeon changed lanceypants’s name to Dunce McClain

 Dunce McClain: wai

Dunce McClain changed their name to Dunce Dunce Revolution

Kogayne: pfft

Pidgeon: i approve

Dunce Dunce Revolution: anyway

Dunce Dunce Revolution: who’s down for mario kart in my room

gos: does the Garrison even have a wii?

Dunce Dunce Revolution: veronica brought ours from home

Kogayne: you’re telling me that your older sister stopped to bring a wii to a military facility in the middle of an intergalactic war?

Dunce Dunce Revolution: mhmm

Kogayne: damn.

Pidgeon: we stan a legend

Takashi: It is nine o’clock at night, you all should get some sleep.

Pidgeon: but i wanna play mario karrrrrtttttt

Princess: What is this Mario Kart?

gos: it’s a video game where you race one another in little cars

Dunce Dunce Revolution: excuSE ME

gos: not again

Dunce Dunce Revolution: did you just call mario kart a /video game/

Dunce Dunce Revolution: a mere /video game/?

Pidgeon: blocked and reported

Kogayne: never speak to me or my husband ever again

Kogayne removed gos from the chat!

Takashi added HunkyMonkey to the chat!

Takashi: Keith. Be nice.

Dunce Dunce Revolution: ooooh he’s breaking out the Dad Voice™

Takashi: Lance. 

Dunce Dunce Revolution: sdngjfhlkfgl

Kogayne: doesn’t feel so nice, does it?

Princess: My earlier thesis is confirmed. We are just here to tease one another.

Princess: To “roast” one another, in your human speak.

Princess: In that case, Lance I still think you have hideous ears.

Princess: They look like the ears on those “monkeys” Pidge showed me.

Dunce Dunce Revolution: oh my god allURA

Princess: Yes Lance?

HunkyMonkey: Allura goes /off/

Pidgeon: Allura marry me.

Princess: I am sorry Katie, but I have eyes for someone else at the moment.

Dunce Dunce Revolution: owo what’s this?

Takashi: Princess, who are you taking about?

Takashi: If you feel comfortable telling us?

Princess: I am just fine with telling you. I think that a communal secret will only bring us closer. It could be a bonding experience, if you will.

Pidgeon: wE hAd A bOnDiNg MoMeNt!

HunkyMonkey: I cRaDLeD YoU iN mY ArMs!

Kogayne: i hate all of you

Dunce Dunce Revolution changed Kogayne’s name to Emo2.0  

Dunce Dunce Revolution: anYWaYS

Dunce Dunce Revolution: allura spill the beans

Princess: I’m sorry?

Pidgeon: *spill the tea

Dunce Dunce Revolution: oh u rite u rite

HunkyMonkey changed Pidgeon’s name to rite

rite: oh come /on/ hunk that one wasn’t even clever

rite: you can do better than that

HunkyMonkey changed rite’s name to Pidgeon

Pidgeon: you coward

Emo2.0: how do i change my name back

Emo2.0: oh wait i got it

Emo2.0 changed their name to Fuck Off Lance

Fuck Off Lance: that’s better

Dunce Dunce Revolution changed Fuck Off Lance’s name to I Want To Fuck Lance

I Want to Fuck Lance: fuck you 

Dunce Dunce Revolution: you clearly want to

Takashi: Sigh

I Want To Fuck Lance: i hate you so much right now

9:26 pm

isthisapidgeon >  HeHimHunk

isthisapidgeon: yet he didn’t change the name…..

HeHimHunk: tea

isthisapidgeon: tea

This is So Sad Paladins Form Voltron

Princess: Shall I tell you?

HunkyMonkey: yes please

Princess: She is very beautiful.

Princess: She tends to have a very realistic outlook on situations.

I Want To Fuck Lance: it’s Romelle.

Princess: It is.

Dunce Dunce Revolution: i knew it!

Dunce Dunce Revolution: you guys would be so cute together kgjfslasfjgk

I Want To Fuck Lance: do you do anything other than keysmash

Dunce Ducne Revolution: yes i do, thank you very much!

Pidgeon: like what

Dunce Ducne Revolution: like save the universe, and look damn good while doing it!

HunkyMonkey: according to wh 

Takashi: *according to whomst

Pidgeon: according to keith

Dunce Dunce Revolution: wh

Dunce Dunce Revolution: hwat

Takashi: hwat

Princess: If it makes you feel any better Lnace, I think you look good while doing it.

Dunce Dunce Revolution: thank you, princess 

Princess: Except for your ears. Never your ears.

Dunce Dunce Revolution: D:

HunkyMonkey: allura i love you so much

Pidgeon: you know what

Pidgeon changed Princess’s name to Queen

Pidgeon: you’ve earned it

Queen: Thank you, Katie.

Pidgeon: any time  

9:38 pm

isthisapidgeon >  HeHimHunk

HeHimHunk: keith didn’t deny it

isthisapidgeon: didn’t change the name either

HeHimHunk: tea 

isthisapidgeon: tea 

This is So Sad Paladins Form Voltron  

Dunce Dunce Revolution: so Mario Kart?

Pidgeon: is that even a real question

Pidgeon: of course

HunkyMonkey: heck yeah! 

I Want To Fuck Lance: i’m going to destroy you all

Dunce Dunce Revolution: you wish

Takashi: Sigh.

Takashi: I’ll be there.

Dunce Dunce Revoution: hell yeah!

Queen: I will be there shortly. I will bring Romelle and Coran. 

Dunce Dunce Revolution: uwu love you guys

Pidgeon: desqustening

Chapter Text

4:20 am

Lancito > Knifeboi

Lance: 420 blazin

Knifeboi: why are you up

Lancito: why are /you/ up

Knifeboi:

Knifeboi: touche

Knifeboi: did you want something or?

Lancito: can i not just want to talk to you jeez

Knifeboi: since when have you ever had an interest in talking to me

Lancito: since shut up

Knifeboi: wow you really got me there.

Lancito: you just cant handle my sick burns

Knifeboi: sure.

Lancito: we both know it’s true

Knifeboi: sure

Lancito: pidge is aleep on my foot and it hurts but i don’t want to disturb them

Knifeboi: that’s what you get for inviting us in

Lancito: i invited you to play mario kart not trash my room and then all fall asleep in it

Knifeboi: that was your first mistake.

Lancito: but look at allura and romelle curled up in each other’s arms that’s adorable and so it’s all worth it

Knifeboi: it is pretty cute

Lancito: did you

Lancito: did you just call something cute?

Knifeboi: yes?

Lancito: /the/ keith kogane, pilot extrodinaire, pilot of the black lion, lone wolf, secret agent for the famed blade of marmora, just called something cute?

Lancito: unfathomable

Knifeboi: oh shut up

Lancito: make me

Knifeboi:

Lancito: ow!

Lancito: what did you just throw at me?!

Knifeboi: my will to live

Knifeboi: oh wait i lost that back in 2007

Lancito: okay mcr

Knifeboi: okay beyonce

Lancito: okay p!atd

Knifeboi: okay rick astley

Lancito: gasp!

Lancito: did you just call me rick astley?

Knifeboi: did you just type out the word “gasp”?

Lancito: i can’t help it, i am but a simple dramatic bitch

Knifeboi blocked Lancito

4:42

Knifeboi unblocked Lancito

Lancito: bitch

Knifeboi: hm

Lancito: okay real talk tho

Lancito: if beyonce and rhianna had a secret lovechild, would they be named rihance or behanna

Knifeboi: what the fuck lance

Lancito: it’s a serious question!

Knifeboi: a serious question for Literally Anyone Else

Lancito: hh you’re right

4:56

This is So Sad Paladins Form Voltron

Dunce Dunce Revolution changed their name to LaLaLance

LaLaLance: if beyonce and rhianna had a secret lovechild, would they be named rihance or behanna

LaLaLance: vote now on your phones

4:59

Lancito: now that that’s taken care of, i have an actual Serious Question

Lancito: are you glad to be back on earth?

Knifeboi: i guess. are you?

Lancito: what do you mean “you guess”?

Knifeboi: well there isn’t really much here for me that i didn’t have up there, y’know? before we left all that ever really mattered to me was shiro. now i have you and krolia

Lancito: you have me?

Knifeboi:

Knifeboi: i meant

Knifeboi: i meant you as in

Knifeboi: you and hunk and pidge and shiro and allura

Lancito: oh. cool

Lancito: cool cool cool cool cool cool no doubt no doubt

Knifeboi: okay we get it, /peralta/

Knifeboi: you never answered my question though. are you glad to be back?

Lancito: i’m not sure. i mean, i am so glad to see my family again but like. i feel like i need to be doing more. up there. y’feel?

Knifeboi: i understand.

Lancito: i’m glad you’re here with me though

5:16

Child#1 > FatherFigure

Child#1: shiro

Child#1: shiro help

FatherFigure: Keith it’s four in the morning what do you need?

Child#1: it’s lance

FatherFigure: Oh mother of god, not this again

Child#1: he said he’s happy im on earth with him what do i do

FatherFigure: tell him you’re happy too?

FatherFigure: be honest with him

Child#1: why would i do that

FatherFigure: I’m going back to sleep.

Child#1: wait shiro i need you

FatherFigure: I can’t hear you; I’m asleep.

Child#1: you suck

FatherFigure: Go. Be gay.

5:29

Lancito > Knifeboi

Lancito: samurai?

Lancito: mullet?

Lancito: keith?

Lancito: oof i shouldn’t of said that huh

Lancito: you can just ignore it

Lancito: sorry if i made you uncomfy :/

5:37

Knifeboi: oh no you didn’t i was just asking shiro something

Knifeboi:

Knifeboi: im happy you’re here too

5:51

Knifeboi: goodnight sharpshooter

Chapter Text

7:06 am

This is So Sad Paladins Form Voltron

Pidgeon: what kind of a question is that lance?

I Want to Fuck Lance: that’s what i said

Pidgeon: why did he ask you? do you even know who beyonce is, you recluse?

I Want To Fuck Lance: of course i do

I Want to Fuck Lance: she sings Single Ladies

Pidgeon: i’m surprised you even know that

I Want To Fuck Lance: i think i’m offended?

Pidgeon: didn’t answer my question tho

I Want To Fuck Lance: we were talking last night

Pidgeon: hm

Queen: hm

HunkyMonkey: hm

Takashi: hm

I Want to Fuck Lance:

I Want To Fuck Lance: no comment

Pidgeon: did you just

Pidgeon: neverfuckingmind

LaLaLance: good morning bitches

Queen: What does “bitches” mean?

Takashi: …

HunkyMonkey: um

I Want To Fuck Lance: well.

Pidgeon: this one’s for you lance

LaLaLance: oh boY

LaLaLance: it’s slang. it kinda can be offensive, depending on who is saying it and who they are saying it to. like if a man calls a woman a bitch and means it as an insult. but also it can be a way of just calling the people you are close to, like your friends

Queen: I see

Queen: In that case, good morning bitches.

Pidgeon: aoisfjgwhm;gkf

Takashi: oh my god

HunkyMonkey: lance what even is that question tho

HunkyMonkey: from last night i mean

LaLaLance: oh yeAH

LaLaLance: what do you guys think? behanna or rihance

Pidgeon: oh definitely rihance

HunkyMonkey: what no it’s definitely behanna

Takashi: Sorry Hunk, but Pidge is right. It would be Rihance.

I Want to Fuck Lance: what why

Pidgeon: it’s simple really. rihance includes the “ance” sound that is key to beyonce, making it more recognizable

HunkyMonkey: but behanna puts the names in alphabetical order before combination

I Want To Fuck Lance: and it sounds better.

Takashi: False.

Pidgeon: fdsgnfjhk shiro you tell em

LaLaLance: i am LIVING for this discourse

HunkyMonkey: i have an idea

Pidgeon: speak now or forever hold your peace

HunkyMonkey: i propose we get more opinions on this. Allura?

Queen: I have no idea what is going on.

Takashi: That’s fair.

LaLaLance: wait hold up

LaLaLance: why didn’t i do this before?

I Want To Fuck Lance: do what

LaLaLance added Romellegant and Gorgeous Man to the chat!

Pidgeon: oh u rite u rite

Romellegant: hello paladins. shiro.

Takashi: :|

Gorgeous Man: Good Morning Paladins!

Gorgeous Man: What Can I Assist You WIth Today?

Pidgeon: what’s with the capitalization

LaLaLance: shut up he’s learning

I Want To Fuck Lance: how are these two going to be any help. they don’t know beyonce or rihanna either

Takashi: Dang.

Pidgeon: #letshirosaydamn2k18

HunkyMonkey: #letshirosaydamn2k18

LaLaLance: #letshirosaydamn2k18

I Want To Fuck Lance: #letshirosaydamn2k18

Romellegant: #letshirosaydamn2k18

Queen: #letshirosaydamn2k18….?

Takashi: sigh

Gorgeous Man: I Am Assuming That “I Want To Fuck Lance” Is Keith?

HunkyMonkey: pfft

7:36

isthisapidgeon > HeHimHunk

isthisapidgeon: tea

HeHimHunk: tea

7:39

This Is So Sad Paladins Form Voltron

LaLaLance: oh shit i have an even better idea

I Want To Fuck Lance: great :/

7:41

LanceyPants added Kogayne, Pidgeon, HunkyMonkey, Takashi, Princess, Romellegant, Gorgeous Man, James, Kink-aid, Leifi Boi, Rizterine, and Vewwonica to the chat!

LanceyPants named the chat They Protec, They Attac

LanceyPants changed Princess’s name to Queen

LanceyPants changed HunkyMonkey’s name to Hunk Smash

LanceyPants changed Kogayne’s name to Alien Furry

LanceyPants changed Takashi’s name to Shirowo

LanceyPants changed Pidgeon’s name to Pidgeroni

James: hwat

Queen: Hello MFEs! Good morning!

Gorgeous Man: Yes I Hope You Are All Doing Well!

Leifi Boi: Hello.

Rizterine: Hello Alteans. Hello Voltron?

LanceyPants: okay okay stop being pleasant we have serious business to attend to

Vewwonica: owo what’s this?

Kink-aid: What is it now?

James: we literally /just/ saved the world, why must we do it again?

Incredible Hunk: no we have actual serious business

Vewwonica: i am afraid

Pidgeroni: very serious business

Rizterine: spit it out

LaLaLance: here goes

LaLaLance: if beyonce and rhianna had a secret lovechild, would they be named rihance or behanna

Leifi Boi: …

Vewwonica: what the fuck lance

Pidgeroni: this is very important

Shirowo: Pidge and I know it is Rihance. Keith and Hunk are blind and believe it would be Behanna.

James: this is the stupidest thing i’ve ever seen

Leifi Boi: hmm. Pidge and Shiro, state your case.

Pidgeroni: gladly. ours has the iconic “ance”

Rizterine: good point. and Keith, Hunk?

James: oh my /god/

Alien Furry: it sounds better

Incredible Hunk: and it starts with b

Kink-aid: huh.

James: oh my god not you too ryan

Kink-aid: i am going to have to go with Shiro and Pidge.

Pidgeroni: hell yeah

Shirowo: Language.

LanceyPants: pfft

Incredible Hunk: i am disappointed in you, Kinkade. What about the rest of you?

Leifi Boi: i agree with Pidge.

Rizterine: i don’t. behanna all the way

Vewwonica: i’m with rizavi

Kink-aid: of course you are.

Rizterine: what’s that supposed to mean?

7:58

McLame > Kinkayyy

McLame: shut

Kinkayyy: you can’t keep your little crush a secret forever, Veronica.

McLame: i can damn well try

8:01

They Protec, They Attac

Incredible Hunk: t,,,tea?

James: drop it.

Alien Furry: okay james you’re the last vote. the tie breaker. you better vote for me or i’ll break your neck

Alien Furry: also lance why did you name me

Alien Furry: oh never mind

LanceyPants: :P

James: this is the stupidest thing i’ve ever seen.

James: but i guess i’m with whatever side ryan picked.

Pidgeroni: ha!

Alien Furry: i’ll kill you

Incredible Hunk: why james why

James: ryan is my boyfriend and the rest of you can fuck yourselves

Shirowo: Language, cadet.

LanceyPants: oooooh he broke out the Dad Voice again

James: ofgijhg hefv helllpf HELLP

Queen: What is wrong, Pilot?

Romellegant: I believe Keith killed him.

Gorgeous Man: He Will Be Missed.

Alien Furry: no he won’t

Chapter Text

3:47 pm

They Protec, They Attac

Gorgeous Man: Hello Paladins, Hello MFEs, And Hello Fellow Altaens.

Princess: Hello Coran.

Lanceypants: sup

Gorgeous Man: I Have Been Informed That Matthew Will Be Returning From His Mission Tomorrow.

Incredible Hunk: awesome!

LanceyPants: hell yeah my meme brother is back

Pidgeroni: ew

Pidgeroni: now there’s two of them

Alien Furry: two whats

Pidgeroni: idiotic brother figures

Lanceypants: aww pidgey thinks of me as a brother

Pidgeroni: sadly

Vewwonica: does that make me your pseudo- big sister?

James: ooh look at veronica, using big words

Vewwonica: why are you surprised, cadet

James: `\(‘-‘)/`

Pidgeroni: huh

Pidgeroni: i guess it does, doesn’t it

Lanceypants: welcome to the mcclain fam

Vewwonica: actually

Vewwonica: i hope you all know that you are now honorary mcclains

Vewwonica: all eleven of you

Lanceypants: yeah Mamá is going to adopt all of you no sight

Kink-Aid: is that why your family is so big

Vewwonica: yes

Lanceypants: yes

Alien Furry: oh boy

Alien Furry: first i had no mother, now i have two?

Leifi Boi: Keith, not to be rude, but what do you mean?

Alien Furry: well i found krolia now i apparently have yet another mom

Rizavi: you found whomst?

Kink-aid: who’s Krolia?

Alien Furry: my mother

James: hwat

Leifi Boi:… I always thought your parents were dead?

Alien Furry: my mom left when i was a baby and my dad died in the fire that burnt down our house

Pidgeroni: yall really are fake friends

Alien Furry: oh so pidge is allowed to say yall but when i do it yall call me a “rare texan keith” and call me a “collectible”

Vewwonica; rjigjkldkhmg;f

Kink-aid: wait i’m stil confused. you found your mom but like,,, weren’t you in? space?

Lanceypants: krolia was /in/ space guys keep up

Leifi Boi: How.

Alien Furry: cause she’s galra

James: i repeast, HWAT

Rizavi: you’re part galra?

Alien Furry: did i stutter?

Lanceypants: it’s literally in his screen name

Incredible Hunk: matt will be here at around two tomorrow

Queen: “Yeet” –Romelle

Takashi: ?

Queen: That is what Romelle said when I told her.

Lanceypants: owo what’s this?

Pidgeroni: tea?

Queen: I shall tell you Paladins later.

Pidgeroni: TEA?

Queen: ….Tea.

Incredible Hunk: oh now you /have/ to tell us

Queen: alright then

Rizavi: wait hwat

4:16 pm

Pidgeon added Princess, Kogayne, Lanceypants, and Hunkymonkey to the chat!

Pidgeon named the chat Let’s Go Lesbians

Pidgeon changed Princess’s name to In Love With Romelle

Pidgeon: tea?

HunkyMonkey: tea?

Lanceypants: tea?

In Love with Romelle: Alright.

Lanceypants: wait! keith has to say it too

Kogayne: why must i

Pidgeon: comeon keith

HunkyMonkey: yeah come on keith

Pidgeon: one of us

Pidgeon: one of us

Pidgeon: one of us

Kogayne: no

Pidgeon changed Kogayne’s name to tea

Kogayne; still no

Lanceypants: please?

tea: ….

tea: ….tea

4;20 pm

isthisapidgeon > HeHimHunk

isthisapidgeon: he is so whipped

HeHimHunk: mmmhhmmmm

isthisapidgeon: eyes emoji

HeHimHunk: eyes emoji

4:21

Let’s Go Lesbians

In Love With Romelle: Romelle is currently dozing in my room. She said hers was to cold.

Lanceypants: mm sure it was

HunkyMonkey: wait where’s shiro

Pidgeon: crap i forgot to add him

tea: don’t.

Lanceypnats: why not?

tea: i’m mad at him

Lanceypants: why?

tea: he ate the last poptart

HunkyMonkey: he shall pay for his crimes

Pidgeon: he shall

tea: this is true wlw mlm solidarity

Pidgeon: tea.

4:28

They Protec, they Attac

Rizavi: wait so we’re just gonna breeze over the fact that keith is an alien and has been this whole time?

Alien Furry: yes.

Vewwonica: cool.

Pidgeroni: anyways who’s down for another mario kart session in lance’s room

Lanceypants: sure, go ahead, invite eleven people to my room, it’s not like i /mind/

Pidgeroni: thanks, i will. and it’s twelve actually

Lanceypants: even better

Vewwonica: what does she mean by “another’?

Lanceypants: ….

Vewwonica: lance did you play mario kart without me?

Lanceypants: ….

Vewwonica:LANCE

Lanceypants: … maybe

Vewwonica: i’m telling luis to come down there and kick your ass

Lanceypants: please no

James; wow man siblings are wild

Alien Furry: i actually agree with you for once.

Rizavi: keith and james getting along? what the fuck?

Kink-aid: we’ve gotta be in some alternate timeline

James; have you just been lurking this whole time ryan

Kink-aid: maybe so.

Lanceypants: oh my god veronica why

Vewwonica: you deserved it

Lanceypants: pwease

Lacneypants: mister obama

Lanceypants: i’ll do anything

Vewwonica: anything?

Lanceypants: anything

Vewwonica: then perish.

Leifi Boi: ….

Leifi Boi left the chat

Incredibel Hunk: bye felicia

Chapter Text

7:08 pm

They Protec, They Attac

Romellegant: til what “trans” means

Alien Furry: “til”?

Lanceypants: today i learned

Alien Furry: ah.

Romellegant: and i must tell you, i am it.

James: you are what

Romellegant: “trans”

Vewwonica: huh.

Romellegant: the way hunk explained it, it is when you are born as one gender, but it is not you, so you change, correct?

Shirowo: Well yeah

Romellegant: i was born as a boy. In altaen culture it is not a big deal to change, but on earth it seems that it is important

Alien Furry: gender is a social construct meant to constrain people into the roles the patriarchy has deemed fit

Rizavi: keith is right.

Leifi Boi: Thank you for telling us anyways though Romelle.

Gorgeous Man: I Was Unaware That It Mattered.

Queen: This changes nothing about how anyone here regards you Romelle. You are you, and that is what matters.

Romellegant: thank you princess

Queen: Of course.

Lanceypants: awwww

Incredible Hunk: awww

Incredible Hunk: wait where’s pidge

Lanceypants: piddddge

Incredible Hunk: piiiiidddddgggggeee

Lanceypants: piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge

Shirowo: Stop it. Please.

Lanceypants: but daaaad

Shirowo: sigh.

Shirowo: I’m too old for this shit.

7:19 pm

keef > the superior holt

keef: hey kiddo, you good?

the superior holt: no

the superior holt: also since when do you call me kiddo? that's shiro's thing

keef: since i'm worried about you, child

the superior holt: i'm not a child

the superior holt: but i still appreciate it

keef: what's wrong

the superior holt: um

the superior holt: well

the superior holt: lately i've been feeling really... off?

keef: okay. off how?

the superior holt: like

the superior holt: like i dont know who i am

keef: okay. in what way? if you can explain, i don't wanna to make you umcomfortable

keef: you know i'm not really good with words, but i want to help

the superior holt: you know whenwe left arus, and i told you guys i was a girl?

keef: yeah?

the superior holt: i don't really feel like i should be a girl?

keef: that's okay. you can be a boy if that is who you feel you are.

the superior holt: but i don't feel like a boy

the superior holt: ugh nevermind

the superior holt: it's stupid. i need to just make up my mind

the superior holt: it's just

the superior holt: i'm so confused

keef: pidge, it's okay.

keef: you don't have to be either

keef: um i don't know how to do this but have you ever eard the term "nonbinary"?

the superior holt: no

keef: when i came out to shiro, he told me a lot about the lgbt community so i would feel comfortable, you know? and like,,, there's this thing called nonbinary, which is when someone doesn't identify as either of the "traditional" genders. and they use other pronouns like they them

keef: does that sound... more accurate?

the superior holt:

the superior holt:

the superior holt: hold on i'm gonna google it and get back to you

keef: take your time

7:28 pm

illuminaenae > lancf

illuminaenae: hey leave pidge be for a while

lancf: okay. is everything alright?

Illuminaenae: yeah. just go easy.

lancf: okay

lancf: <3

illuminaenae: ....

illuminaenae: <3

7:33 pm

Child#1 > FatherFigure

Child#1: shiro

FatherFigure: if this is about Lance, i swear to god Keith

Child#1: .....

FatherFigure:

FatherFigure blocked Child#1

8:43 pm

the superior holt: yes

keef: yes?

the superior holt: that's

the superior holt: that sounds better

keef: okay.

keef: do you feel any better now?

the superior holt:

the superior holt:.... i think so

the superior holt: but um i wanna not tell the others yet

the superior holt: not until matt is here, at least

keef: that's perfectly cool. it's up to you who knows and when

the superior holt: wow keith you are actually kind of good at this. who knew

keef: aaaand there's pidge

the superior holt: :P
the superior holt: but thank you

keef: any time

Chapter Text

2:43 pm

They Protec, They Attac

Lanceypants added Mattematics to the chat!

Lanceypants changed Mattematics's name to Meme#1

Meme#1: whattup bitches

Pidgeroni: oh fuck

Shirowo: language, pidge

Pidgeroni: you're not my dad!

Shirowo: No, but I'll tell Sam.

Pidgeroni: .... you wouldn't

Shirowo: I would.

Incredible Hunk: whoa what happened to shiro

Meme#1: really? i come home and all you can focus on is shiro being pissy?

James: um

James: question

James: who are you again?

Meme#1: GASP
Kink-aid: i don't like this

Meme#1: G A S P
Meme#1: you mean you don't know the legends about the amazing hero that is me?

Shirowo: why are you the hero?

Meme#1: because of my sheer awesomeness!

Shirowo: you once cried because you dropped your Optimus Prime in the toaster

Meme#1: shiro!

Alien Furry: pfft

Lanceypants: oidsadjshfkd

Incredible Hunk: how /old/ were you?

Meme#1: i was but a youth,,,

Shirowo: he was twenty-three.

Vewwonica: fjgdskhfdls;f'

Lanceypants:shaidgudjkglf

Vewwonica: hey! keysmash buddies!

Kink-aid: why are you like this.

Rizavi: okay this is golden but like,,,

Rizavi: you never answered the question

Rizavi: who are you?

Meme#1: it is i! the memetacular matthew holt!

Pidgeroni: he's my brother

Pidgeroni: unfortunately

Meme#1: oh shut up pidge, you love me

Pidgeroni: sure sure

Meme#1: :|

Gorgeous Man: It Is Wonderful To See You Again, My Boy!

Meme#1: hi coran

Meme#1: where's the princess at

Queen: Hello Matt.

Meme#1: allura!!!!!!!!!!

Queen: Matt!!!!!!!!!!

Romellegant: and i am here too

Meme#1: i don't know who you are but hi

Pidgeroni: she's allura's girlfriend

Queen:

Romellegant:

Romellegant: not quite yet.

Vewwonica: tea?

Incedibel Hunk: tea?

2:57 pm

Romella > Pidgey

Romella: hopefully i will be soon

Pidgey: TEA?!?

3:06 pm

the superior holt > keef

the superior holt: hhhhh

the superior holt: i'm going to tell them

keef: if you want to. don't feel pressured to if you aren't ready yet

the superior holt: i

the superior holt: here goes nothing.

3:11 pm

They Protec, They Attac

Pidgeroni renamed the chat I Have Something Actually Important to Say

Pidgeroni: um

Lanceypants: yes?

Queen: Whatever you have to say, we will listen.

Incredible Hunk: what's up?

Shirowo: We are here for you Pidge.

Vewwonica: i speak for all the mfes when i say we are here for you too bb

Pidgeroni: um

Pidgeroni: well

Pidgeroni:

Pidgeroni:

Alien Furry: you can do it pidge

Alien Furry: it won't change anyone's opinion of you, we all love you

Alien Furry: right guys?

Lanceypants: absolutely. we love you pidgeon <3 <3 <3

Meme#1: Katie?

Pidgeroni: i'm,,, um not a girl

Pidgeroni: but not a boy

Pidgeroni: it's called nonbinary? and that's what i think fits me. um. so like.

Pidgeroni: call me they/them please

Pidgeroni: okay gotta blast

Shirowo: Pidge that's wonderful

Lanceypants: you got it, my dude!

Queen: Of course.
Romellegant: okay

Incredible Hunk: Thank you for telling us, pidge

3:34 pm

Incredible Hunk: pidge?

3:57 pm

keef > the superior holt

keef: pidge?

keef: you alright?

keef: you did great. the team accepts you

keef: and i'll kill anyone who doesn't

the superior holt:

the superior holt: thanks

4:08 pm

Lanceypants added Takashi, Kogayne, HunkyMonkey, Princess, Mattematics, Gorgeous Man, and Romellegant to the chat!

Lanceypants named the chat Pidge Protection Squad

Lanceypants: we gotta protect our child

Mattematics: hell yes we do

Princess: Protect them from what?

Romellegant: This is something that is a big deal on this planet, yes?

Kogayne: there are a lot of bad people on earth guys

Kogayne: bad people who would want to hurt pidge fro being nb, hurt me for being gay, hurt romelle for being trans

Takashi: it is horrible, but that's the way it is.

Gorgeous Man: I Don't Understand Why It Is Such A Big Deal.

HunkyMonkey: It shouldn't be, but that's the way it is here

Lanceypants: But don't worry! not everyone is like that, only some. a lot of people are amazing and accepting, like us and the mfes and most of the people at the garrison

Mattematics: we have to look out for one another

Princess: Agreed.

Kogayne: definitely.

Romellegant: i've only known you for a little while but if anything were to happen to you i'd kill everyone in this room and then myself

HunkyMonkey: did you

Takashi: how did you

Romellegant: lance has recently introduced me to the internet

Kogayne: lance why

Lanceypants: matt wasn't around! i needed someone to meme with!

Romellegant: were it not for the laws of this land i would have slain you all long ago

Lanceypants: okay so maybe this was a mistake

Romellegant: that's what she said

HunkyMonkey: ffgjhfkldflsf;'

Kogayne: pfft

Takashi: sigh.

Chapter Text

8:36 am

This Is So Sad Paladins Form Voltron

Takashi added Mattematics!

Takashi: Children.

Mattematics: hey! i'm here too!

Takashi: Like i said, Children.

Mattematics: :'(

Takashi: Does anyone want to explain why I woke up to this:

Shirowo ent one (1) screenshot!

I Want To Fuck Lance: pfft

LaLaLance: sjfldghlk;fsl;

Mattematics: fjsgdhljlfkd;al

Pidgeon: oh my gOD

HunkyMonkey: holy crap

Takashi: I would like to know who, how, and why.

Mattematics: who,,,,, who /is/ that?

Takashi: His name is Slav, and I hate him. He infuriates me.

Takashi: He can be sucked out into the empty void of space for all I care.

HunkyMonkey: damnnnn shiro goes /off/

Takashi: Who did this? How did you even get this many picture of him? There's got to be at least a hundred

I Want To Fuck Lance: *whomst did this

Mattematics: wait who's I Want To Fuck Lance?

LaLaLance: everyone wants to

Pidgeon: false

LaLaLance: everyone except our local nb ace prodigy gremlin here, that is.

Pidgeon: acceptable.

LaLaLance: <3

Pidgeon: <3

HunkyMonkey: that was so wholesome i love this family

Mattematics: pidge did you just use an emoji? you're growing up so fast!

Pidgeon: you're welcome to fuck all the way off, matthew

Takashi: I still want to know who did this.

Pidgeon: damn no scolding for that one? you must really be pissed.

Takashi: I know it was you, Keith, or Lance. Which of you was it?

Takashi: i'm not mad, just disappointed.

Mattematics: fahfgdsjkl

8:43 am

elder meme > meme kid

elder meme: is it weird that i think it's kinda hot when shiro gets all pissed off and autoritative

meme kid: eww matt you're my brother stop

elder meme: katie when a man and a woman love each other very much---

meme kid: blocked and reported

8:47 am

This Is So Sad Paladins Form Voltron

Takashi: Who did it? Lance?

LaLaLance: as much as i'd love to claim responsibility for this one, nah fam it wasn't me

Takashi: Pidge?

Pidgeon: i have better things to do

Pidgeon: like make a robot to mock lance so i don't have to waste my time doing it

Pidgeon: but then again, where's the fun in that?

LaLaLance: >:(

LaLaLance: i thought we bonded

HunkyMonkey: wE hAd A bOnDiNg MoMeNt!

Pidgeon: i CrAdLeD yOu In My ArMs!

I Want To Fuck Lance left the chat.

Takashi added Kogayne to the chat!

Takashi: You're not off the hook Keith.

Takashi: I know you're still not over the Poptart thing.

Kogayne: i will never forgive you for that

Kogayne: my own brother

LaLaLance: betrayal.jpg

Kogayne: but no this one wasn't me

Kogayne: but just you wait

Kogayne: i'll get you

Takashi: I know it was one of you three.

Takashi: Who was it?

Pidgeon: wait how do you know it wasn't matt?

Takashi: Oh please. Matt couldn't pull something like this off.

Mattematics: prolly not

Mattematics: also i dunno who this slav guy is but if shiro hates him then i kin him

HunkyMonkey: did you just say you kinned him

Pidgeon: not in my good christian minecraft server you didn't

Pidgeon removed Mattematics from the chat.

Takashi: So which one of you did it?

LaLaLance: wow you're not even going to add matt back?

LaLaLance: cold.

LaLaLance added Mettematics to the chat!

Mattematics: can i just be the first to say

Takashi: no you may not. Who did it?

Mattematics: rude.

Pidgeon: not to be /that/ bitch but

Pidgeon: it was probably lance

LaLaLance: what!

LaLalance: heresy!

LaLaLance: betrayed by my own brethren

Pidgeon: were it not for the laws of this land i would have slain you long ago

LaLaLance: i can respect that

LaLaLance: but still you're wrong

LaLaLance: it wasn't me,,,,,

LaLaLance: it was,,,,

LaLaLance: Keith!

Kogayne: what no it wasn't it was pidge

Pidgeon: no it wasn't!

LaLaLance: how do we know that?

Pidgeon: how do i know you two didn't pair up and do it then try to frame me!

Pidgeon: you're in kahoots! the both of you!

Kogayne: like i would ever kahoot with this loser!

LaLaLance: okay ouch

LaLaLance: but seriously it wasn't me

Kogayne: or me

Pidgeon: or me

Mattematics: who was it then?

Takashi: ....

Takashi: ....Hunk?

HunkyMonkey: yes shiro?

Takashi: Was it you?

HunkyMonkey:

HunkyMonkey: possibly.

Takashi: Hunk! I thought you were the good child!

LaLaLance: sdfajlkgdhas

Kogayne: wow

Pidgeon: oh my gOD Hunk you gassy genius!

HunkyMonkey; thanks

Takashi: I am so disappointed in all of you. especially you hunk.

HunkyMonkey: sorry dad :/

Takashi: You know what?

Takashi: I don't think you are sorry.

HunkyMonkey: you know i had to do it to em

LaLaLance: hunk i love you so much

HunkyMonkey: bro

LaLaLance: bro

HunkyMonkey: love you too bro

LaLaLance: bro

HunkyMonkey: bro

HunkyMonkey: <3

LaLaLance: <3

Kogayne: what the fuck was that

Queen: Good Morning, Paladins, what did we miss?

Romellegant: *paladins +matthew

Mattematics: thank you, romelle. finally the recognition i deserve

Takashi: I'm too tired to even explain it, Allura.

9:02 am

Pidgey > Romella

Pidgey: any reason you and the princess just happened to be waking up at the same time?

Romella:

Romella: i /may/ have slept in her quarters last night

Pidgey: tea?

Romella: we just talked for a while and the next thing i knew i was waking up cuddling with her

Romella: not complaining in the slightest tho

Romella: she's so pretty and warm

Romella: and like

Romella: so quiznacking smart and brave and strong

Romella: so strong

Romella: she could step on me and i'd thank her

Pidgey: allura could step on anyone and they'd thank her

Romella: it's true and you should say it

Pidgey: question tho

Pidgey: why don't you just ask her out?

Romella: i believe the human phrase is "way out of my league"

Pidgey: don't sell yourself short romelle

Pidgey: you're badass too

Romella: aww pidgey!

Pidgey: you're the only one who is allowed to call me that

Pidgey: don't ever let lance hear you say it or i'll never hear the end of it

Romella: noted.

Pidgey: just think about it, okay? you two would be amazing together

Romella: alright.

Romella: <3

Pidgey: <3

9:46 am

Child#1 > FatherFigure

Child#1: so guess what i just learned

FatherFigure: What.

Child#1: L,,,,Lance can fucking sing

Child#1: boy can fucking /sing/ like no one's business

FatherFigure: It's too early for all this gay.

FatherFigure: Please...Bother someone else

Child#1: "too early for all this gay"? i seem to remember a certain someone walking into a wall upon seeing adam for the first time adn breaking his nose by doing so

FatherFigure: Semantics.

Child#1: shiro you told people you were in a fight saving a dog

FatherFigure: We don't talk about that.

Child#1: oh speaking of adam tho did you hear he came out of the coma? you gonna say hi?

FatherFigure:

FatherFigure: I don't know.

FatherFigure: I don't know where i stand with him.

Child#1: do you still love him?

FatherFigure: Well yeah

FatherFigure: But...

Child#1: but?

FatherFigure: But Matt.

Child#1: what about matt?

FatherFigure: We've been spending more time together since he got back

FatherFigure: And I think maybe I.... have feelings for him.

FatherFigure: He's always just been matt, goofy and a huge dork but now he's Matt, brave and compassionate and I don't know how to deal with it.

Child#1: well you don't have to make any decisions right away i guess? just see how it plays out?

FatherFigure: Yeah you're probably right.

FatherFigure: Look at you, being all smart and social.

Child#1: learned from the best

FatherFigure: I'm so proud of you Keith.

FatherFigure: Since we left Earth you've grown so much. You've really come into your own. You're not the timid angsty orohan you once were; you've let people in and let them help you grow into a strong leader. I'm so proud of you, the team's proud of you, Krolia's proud of you, and if your father could see you he'd be proud too.

Child#1: s...stop

FatherFigure: Keith are you crying?

Child#1: no!

FatherFigure: We're in the same room, I can /see/ you.

FatherFigure: Come give me a hug, kiddo.

Child#1: fine

10:07 am

isthisapidgeon > HeHimHunk

isthisapidgeon: i think the broganes are having a moment

isthisapidgeon sent one (1) photo!

HeHimHunk: awwwwwww

isthisapidgeon: what is this weird swelling in my chest? an emotion? disgustening

HeHimHunk: submit to it, pidge

HeHimHunk: you can't run forever

HeHimHunk: one of us!

HeHimHunk: one of us!

HeHimHunk: one of us!

HeHimHunk: one of us!

HeHimHunk: one of us!

HeHimHunk: one of us!

HeHimHunk: one of us!

isthisapidgeon blocked HeHimHunk.

Chapter Text

12:01 am

This Is So Sad Paladins Form Voltron

LaLaLance: HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEITH

LaLaLance: HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEITH

LaLaLance: HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEITH

LaLaLance: HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEITH

LaLaLance: HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEITH

LaLaLance: HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEITH

LaLaLance: HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEITH

LaLaLance: HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEITH

LaLaLance: HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEITH

LaLaLance: HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEITH

LaLaLance: HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEITH

LaLaLance: HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEITH

Kogayne: oh my fucking god lance it's midnight

LaLaLance: HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEITH

LaLaLance: HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEITH

LaLaLance: HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEITH

LaLaLance: HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEITH

Kogayne: s t o p

LaLaLance: n o   t h a n k s

LaLaLance: HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEITH

LaLaLance changed Kogayne's name to Birthday Boi

LaLaLance changed Birthday Boi's name to Beloved Boi

Beloved Boi: L A N C E

Pidgeroni: happy birthday keith but lance go the fuck to sleep

LaLaLance: you know what? fine

12:09 am

loncc > the truth is out there

loncc changed the truth is out there's name to bae

loncc: they can't get me here

loncc: seriously tho

loncc: happy birthday samurai

loncc: i know i tease you a lot but you really mean so much to me

loncc:

loncc: and the rest of the team of course

bae:

bae: you mean a lot to me too lance

bae:... and the rest of the team, of course

loncc: heh heh yeah of course

12:14 am

Child#1 > FatherFigure

Child#1: shiro

Child#1: shiro

Child#1: shiro

Child#1: shiro

Child#1: shiro

12:21 am

coral keef > cryptikid

coral keef: help me

cryptikid: who should i kill

coral keef; no one, not this time

cryptikid: oh so what is it then?

coral keef: lance

cryptikid:

cryptikid: tea?

coral keef:

coral keef: tea

coral keef sent one (1) photo!

coral keef: pidge help i'm so gay

coral keef: usually i rant to shiro but he's asleep

coral keef: i just want to cuddle him and make jokes with him and take care of him when he's sick and fight robots with him and brush his soft hair and help him when he's felling sad and kiss him and ugh i like him so fucking much pidge what the actual fuck

cryptikid: okay, so first of all:

cryptikid: i will of course slaughter you if you ever tell anyone but lemme just say

cryptikid: that was so fucking soft

cryptikid: what the fuck

coral keef: not really helping!!!

cryptikid: i never said i would but go off i guess

coral keef: this is homophobia

cryptikid: sure, sure.

cryptikid: but back to the topic at hand;

cryptikid: you're really in love with him huh

coral keef:

coral keef:

coral keef: yeah i really fucking am

coral keef: how do i make it stop

cryptikid: whoa whoa hold your horses there bucko

coral keef: i thought i left texas ...

cryptikid: you never leave texas

cryptikid: you are texas

cryptikid: and texas is you

coral keef: what the fuck

cryptikid: but i digress

coral keef: again, what the fuck pidge

cryptikid: don't even act like it isn't true, cowboy

coral keef:

coral keef: moving on

cryptikid: that's what i thought

cryptikid: anyway you shouldn't try to fight it

cryptikid: i may not be a love doctor or shiro, but i know that love is precious, adn when we find it we gotta catch it like a pokemon and fight for it, y'feel?

cryptikid: just take it slow

cryptikid: if you really love him, you'll wait for him

cryptikid: and if he really loves you, he'll let you know

cryptikid: don't rush things, let it be natural

coral keef:

coral keef: wow pidge that was actually really insightful. you continue to baffle me, you tiny genius

cryptikid: matt and i used to watch a lot of doctor phil with mom

cryptikid: until matt smashed our tv playing wii tennis

coral keef: sometimes i fear for that guy

cryptikid: we all do

coral keef: mm.

coral keef: thanks, pidge.

cryptikid: as lance would say,

cryptikid: <3

coral keef: aww you're evolving!

cryptikid: shut up

coral keef: <3

9:08 am

They Protec, They Attac

Leifi Boi: I've just been informed that today is Kogane's birthday.

Leifi Boi: Happy Birthday, Keith.

Vewwonica: happy birfday uwu uwu

Kink-aid: happy bday dude

Rizavi: it is?

Lanceypants: i've said it once. i'll say it again:

Lanceypants: fake friends.

Lanceypants: smh

James: well i don't see you saying it

Lanceypants: exCUSE ME

Lanceypants: i said it at midnight this morning thank you very much

Pidgeroni: he did. seventeen times.

Lanceypants: oh that reminds me

Lanceypants: i have to complete the set

Lanceypants: ahEM

Lanceypants: HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAMURAI

Lanceypants; there, eighteen times

Alien Furry: i'm twenty

Lanceypants: i refuse to accept those two years on the whale

Alien Furry: whatever you say sharpshooter

Vewwonica: sharpshooter? samurai?

Vewwonica: y'all have special nicknames fro one another wtf that's adorable

Lanceypants: shush, you

Queen: Happy Birthday Keith!

Shirowo: Happy Birthday Keith

Incredible Hunk: Happy Birthday Keith

Gorgeous Man: YES HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY BOY

Meme#1: whoa whoa calm down there coran
Gorgeous Man: I DON'T MEAN TO STARTLE YOU WITH MY SHOUTING; I WAS TRYNG TO LEARN ABOUT THIS DEVICE AND I MAY HAVE FIDDLED WITH SOMETHING I SHOULDN"T OF AND NOW IT SEEMS IT'S STUCK LIKE THIS

Lacneypants changed Alien Furry's name to Beloved Boi

Lacneypants: theeere we go

Lanceypants: <3 <3 <3 <3

Beloved Boi:

Beloved Boi: thanks guys

Queen: We love you , Keith.

Beloved Boi: i love you guys too.

Chapter Text

2:28 pm

They Protec, They Attac

LanceyPants: whomst wants to play truth or dare

Vewwonica: fuck yeah

Rizavi: oh i'm down

Beloved Boi: i mean i guess

Beloved Boi: oh wait a sec

Beloved Boi changed their name to gay

Lanceypants: just cause it isn't your birthday anymore doesn't mean you aren't beloved, you jerk

2:31 pm

mothman > yeti

mothman: p i d g e

yeti: i know keith

2:32 pm

Leifi Boi: Keith why did you change your name to "gay"?

gay: cause i am

Pidgeroni: you really are, huh

gay: i really am

James: oh....kay.

Kink-aid: mood, keith

gay: kinkade gets it

Queen: I don't; someone please explain.

Pidgeroni: another time

Vewwonica: are we gonna play truth or dare or no, crew?

Lanceypants: fuck yeah we are

Shirowo: Language.

Lanceypants: Fuck.

Shirowo: Language.

Lanceypants: Mierda.

Vewwonica: language

Laneypants: Quiznack.

Gorgeous Man: LANGUAGE.

Lanceypnats; hugisjfdk;la;kdflgsjl

Incredible Hunk: you can't win lance, you gotta learn a fourth language. English, Spanish and Altaen aren't enough

Pidgeroni: want me to teach you to swear in italian

Meme#1: oooh yes i'll help!

Shirowo: Matt.

Meme#1: Yes Takashi?

Shirowo:

2:46 pm

big bro > lil bro

big bro: he called me Takashi

lil bro: who's the gay one now?

big bro: oh shut up, you turned the color of a tomato when lance said you were beloved

big bro: don't even get me started

lil bro: understandable have a nice day

2:51 pm

They Protec, They Attac

Meme#1: so we playin or nah

Lanceypants: you bet your butt we're playing

Rizavi: okay who'd going first

Pidgeroni: i am.

Pidgeroni: Shiro, truth or dare.

Shirowo: Truth, I guess.

Pidgeroni: who was your first kiss

Shirowo: Must we go there?

gay: ooh i love this story

Vewwonica: owo what's this?

Shirowo: It was Matt. Next question.

Incredible Hunk: wait what?

Lanceypants: tea?

Pidgeroni: shiro tell us more we gotta know

Shirowo: No thanks.

Pidgeroni: pleeeeease

Lanceypants: pleeeeeeeese

gay: please

Vewwonica: pweeease

Queen: Please?

Romellegant: please

Rizavi: please

Kink-aid: please

James: i will not beg, but im intrigued

Shirowo: No.

Gorgeous Man: PLEASE.

Meme#1: oh children, rejoice, for i am here to put an end to your suffering

Shirowo: Oh god no.

Meme#1: i'll tell you the story, kiddos

Meme#1: the truth, the full truth, and nothing but the truth.

Pidgeroni: tell us

Lanceypants: we require the tea

gay: what he said

Lanceypants: true mlm solidarity

gay: true.... true what...?

gay:

3:02 pm

keit > hank

keit: is lance straight

keit: or not

hank: owo what's this?

hank: why do you care?

keit: oh don't even

keit: you know full well why i care, don't even pretend

keit: you're just as bad as pidge

hank: just a question tho

hank: until now, did you think lance was straight?

keit: ....he isn't?

hank: oh honey

hank: not even close

hank: boi is bi as fuck

keit:

keit:

keit:

keit:

keit: oh.

3:03 pm

They Protec, They Attac

Meme#1: so anyway

Meme#1: it was freshman year at the garrison

Meme#1: the sun was shining, th birds were chirping, shiro had already stressed himself to the point of turning his hair white

james: wait is that actually what happened to the front of his head? i thought he dyed it

Rizavi: how,,,, how is it so white

Romellegant: that's.... what she said??

Rizavi: w,,,,, what

Vewwonica: why would she be saying that

Kink-aid: my name suggests i would be the authority on these things yet i do not know how to interpret that one

Kink-aid: well done romelle

Meme#1: AnYWAyS pAY AttEnTIOn to me

Meme#1: so anyway, it was freshman year and shiro and i had recently become friends. we decided to go to this party. and at the party there was a game of spin the bottle running in the basement

Shirowo: Matthew please don't.

Meme#1: yall hear somethin?

Romellegant: ooh gotim

Leifi Boi: You know he had to to it to 'im.

Meme#1: so here shiro and i are, at a party playing spin the bottle in the basement. and everyone is drunk outta their minds, save shiro and i. cause shiro is a lame-ass dork who refused to drink and refused to let me drink. like he just fucking whacked any cup or bottle right outta my hand. yeeted it, if you will.

Lanceypants: this is all very in character so far

Meme#1: takashi, bless his muscled, soft-as-fuck, adorable, pure soul, is nervous about the game

gay: that was an interesting combination of adjectives there matt. don'tcha think so, pidge?

Pidgeroi: hmmm, you have a point my dear pal. you have a very ... interesting... point. matthew, you and i will be speaking soon.

james: that was so ominous what the hell just happened

Vewwonica: you wouldn't understand

james: ?

Meme#1: guuuuuuys

Meme#1: pay attention to meeeee

Shirowo: No please don't pay attention to him. Please.

Kink-aid: continue, matt

Meme#1: thank you, /kinkade/

Meme#1: so shiro is fucking nervous and i'm here trying to get him to chill. and it's his turn to spin and he shakily does so. but like shiro is strong as fuck so he spins it too hard and it smacks me right in the face

Lanceypants: dhosfugdjlfk;a

Pidgeroni: you probably deserved it

Meme#1: and takashi is all apologetic and he is trying to mke it better and this kid in the back, wasted and stoned outta his mind, goes "now you two gotta do seven minutes in heaven"

Meme#1: and shiro, that angel, goes "what's that?"

Kink-aid: pfft

Meme#1: and so some girl goes and explains it in much detail and shiro is so red, and he fucking

Meme#1: he fainted

Vewwonica: o h   m y   g o d

Lancypants: gshjkdfla;'flgkjnd

Shirowo: Matthew Alexander Holt, don't you dare continue.

James: do it

Incredible Hunk: do it

Gorgeous Man: DO IT

Meme#1: so when he wakes up,

Shirowo: Matt.

Meme#1: so when he wakes up, i've dragged him off to our room (we were dorm buddies) and lemme tell you, that is no small feat cause he's like 200 pounds of pure muscle

Meme#1: pure rock hard muscle

Meme#1:

gay: matt stop drooling and finish the story

Meme#1: oh yeah! so when he wakes up he goes "is it over?" and i take pity on the poor guy- "yeah t's over"

Meme#1: and he goes "who am i supposed to kiss tho"

Meme#1: and i was like "i'm here"

Meme#1: and he gave me this fond-ass smile and went, "yeah, you are."

Meme#1: and uhhhh yeah

Pidgeroni: that was.... actually really sweet

Pidgroni: what the fuck

Leifi Boi: I quite enjoyed that story. Thank you, Matthew.

3:21 pm

muscleman > matte

muscleman: Did you really have to?

matte: you know i had to do it to em

muscleman: ugh. You, Matthew Holt, are the worst.

matte: ;P

matte: seriously tho

matte: that's one of my favorite memories from before kerberos

muscleman:

muscleman: ...It is?

matte: .... yeah. it is.

muscleman: oh.

muscleman: okay.

3:32pm

Shiro > Princess

Shiro: Allura.

Princess: Yes, Shiro?

Shiro: Could I ask for your help on something? Usually I'd ask Keith but I don't want to rope him into this right now. He's got his own... thing going on.

Princess: You're referring to his ongoing infatuation with Lance, correct?

Shiro: Yep.

Princess: I think he should just talk to lance directly. Even if Lance did not return Keith's affections-- which I suspect he does, without even knowing so-- Lance would never hurt Keith.

Shiro: I completely agree, Princess.

Princess: It isn't our place to prod though. we must let it flow naturally.

Princess: In any case, what can I help you with, Shiro?

Shiro: It's about Matt.

Shiro sent one (1) picture!

Princess: What is the problem?

Shiro: What do you think he means by this?

Shiro: It's hard to tell with Matt sometimes.... It's difficult to tell if he is joking or if he means it. Sometimes it's both at once.

Princess: I see.

Princess: Well, he said it meant a lot to him. That may mean that it was an instance of a time he felt accepted by you inthe beginnings of his friendship, allowing him to feel closer to you. But knowing Matt, it is more likely that it meant more.

Shiro: More?

Princess: How do I put this delicately?

Princess: To be frank, I believe Matt has feelings for you.

Shiro:

Shiro: what

Princess: I advise you talk to him about it, Shiro. He will be honest with you if you ask him.

Shiro: I

Shiro: Maybe I will.

Shiro: Thank you, Allura.

Princess: Anytime.

Shiro: Now about you and Romelle...

Princess: Oh dear, it seems i have suddenly lost the ability to read! What a shame.

Shiro: Lance is rubbing off on you.

Shiro: This is only the beginning.

Shiro: The beginning of the end.

3:24 pm

They Protec, They Attac

Lanceypants: i dunno where shiro went so i'm going next

Lanceypants: hunk, truth or dare

Incredible Hunk: dare

Lacneypants: i dare you to flip off iverson

James: that isn't that bad

Lacneypants: for you or me, maybe

Kink-aid: ?

Pidgeoni: guys, this is hunk

gay: he's a literal angel

Incredible Hunk: ... can i pass?

Leifi Boi: No.

Vewwonica: just do it from his left, he can't see you from that side

Rizavi: Veronica!

Lacneypants:shofgdisjlk;osfl

Gorgeous Man: ARE YOU REFERRING TO HIS EYEPATCH?

gay: yes, coran.

Gorgeous Man: OH HOW FUNNY

Gorgeous Man: HAHAHAHA

james: .... okay

Leifi Boi: What I would like to know is what actually happened to his eye. One day it was there, the next it wasn't.

Vewwonica: i asked him, once. he wouldn't tell me and got really pissy and said something about a "imbecilic pilot"

Lanceypants: i know what happened

gay: no

gay: lance no

Vewwonica: owo what's this?

Kink-aid: tell us

Lanceypants: ....

3:36 pm

keitten > lancey

keitten: please don't tell them

keitten: shiro will kill me

lancey: okay i won't

lancey: but only cause you asked nicely

lancey: and i don't want to lose my eye as well...

keitten: lanceeee

lancey: keithhhhh

lancey: okay okay i won't say anything

keitten: thank you lance

keitten: <3

lancey: oh my god

keitten: what?

lancey: you did it first this time!

lancey: you really do love me!

keitten:

3:41 pm

piiiiiiiidge > the Truth Is Out There

piiiiiiiidge: i can feel your pining from across the facility

the Truth Is Out There: how did you

piiiiiiiidge: mm.

the Truth Is Out There: you scare me sometimes

piiiiiiiidge: then all is as it should be.

3:52 pm

They Protec, They Attac

Incredible Hunk: okay i did it

Incredible Hunk: i feel horrible

Vewwonica: welcome to the dark side, sweetie

Pidgeroni: there's no going back

Rizavi: one of us

gay: one of us

Kink-aid: one of us

Lanceypants: one of us

Vewwonica: oh please lance you aren't on the dark side

Vewwonica: you wet the bed until you were twelve

Lanceypants: veronica!

Vewwonica: you know i had to do it to em

Shirowo: i am hereby banning any version of the phrase "you know i had to do it to em" from this chat, indefinitely, active now.

gay: no

gay: i refuse

gay: fight the power

Lanceypants: shiro why

Pidgeroni: you know....

Shirowo: Pidge, don't you dare.

Pidgeroni: ..... you know he had to do it to em

Meme#1: katie i'm so proud of you

Shirowo removed Pidgeroni from the chat!

gay: pidge no!

Incredible Hunk: we lost a brave fighter today boys

Lanceypants: pidge was such a valiant soul

Lanceypants: they went out with such grace, such style

Lanceypants: and you know...

Shirowo: Lance.

Lanceypants: you know they had to do it to em

Shirowo removed Lanceypants from the chat!

gay: you know shiro had to do it to im

Shirowo removed gay from the chat

Incredible Hunk: you would betray your own brother like that

Incredible Hunk: cold

Shirowo:

Shirowo:

Shirowo: .....you know i had to do it to em

Vewwonica: sdfjgildfghk;lsd;

Vewwonica: voltron is /wild/

Pidgeon was added to the chat!

James: wait what the fuck how did you do that

Pidgeon: griffin, i hacked my way into the highest security military facility on the east coast at the age of twelve, successfully infiltrating the base under a false name without being discovered until my disappearance

Pidgeon: why are you fucking surprised

Pidgeon added Kogayne and Lanceypants to the chat!

Kogayne: thanks pidge

Pidgeon: us cryptids gotta stick together

Kogayne: god you're so right

Pidgeon: I'm always right

Meme#1: we hold these truths to be self evidet, that the all mighty pidge is always irrefutibly correct in all matters, for they are all-seeing and powerful,,,,

Pidgeon: bow before my brilliance, bitches

Chapter Text

October 31st  10:47 am

They Protec, They Attac

Lanceypants: happy spooky day bitches!

Pidgeon: *spoopy

Lanceypants changed their name to Spoopy Hoe

Spoopy Hoe: thaaat's better

Vewwonica: what are yall's costumes

James: i'm not dressing up

James: cause i'm not five

Kink-aid: james we're breaking up

Incredible Hunk: pfft

James: ryannnnn

Kink-aid: bitch i won't hesitate

James:

Kink-aid: suddenly i'm single

Spoopy Hoe: ryan you know i'm always down~

Shirowo: Lance

Spoopy Hoe: really tho kinkade you're fucking hot

Spoopy Hoe: i bet you could probably like bench press me or something

Kink-aid: how much do u weigh

James: oh my god stOP

Spoopy Hoe: 135ish

Kink-aid: nah i can only do 110

James: s t o p

Spoopy Hoe: damn

Pidgeon: you know

Pidgeon: keith can bench press 160

Spoopy Hoe:

Spoopy Hoe:

Kink-aid: Lance?

Incredible Hunk: pidge i think you broke lance

11:02 am

tall hoe > short hoe

tall hoe: pidge

tall hoe: is that true

short hoe: is what true

tall hoe: what you said about keith benchpressing 160

short hoe: oh yeah it's true

short hoe: i've seen him do it

tall hoe:

tall hoe:

tall hoe: that's not /fair/

tall hoe: first he's gotta be all smart brave and fucking perfect and a good leader and actually funny when you get him to open up and he's been through a lot and he still is amazing and he has a nice laugh and his eyes are really pretty and,,,, and then he's gotta be ,,,

tall hoe: strong

tall hoe: so strong

tall hoe: jesus

short hoe: lance tell it to me straight:

tall hoe: bitch you know i'm bi--

short hoe: shut up for a second

short hoe: do you like keith yes or no

tall hoe: of course! he's my friend

short hoe: not what i meant

tall hoe:

short hoe: okay you thick fucking idiot

tall hoe: *thicc

short hoe: i'm just gonna give you a hypothetical here alright

tall hoe: sure?

short hoe: what if,,, and hear me out,,,,, just think about this:

short hoe: you and keith. together. kissing. cuddling. hugging. laughing. dancing. talking. whatever else gross domestic couples do.

short hoe: does that sound nice?

tall hoe:

tall hoe:

tall hoe: umm yeah it actually sounds really really nice

tall hoe: oh shit

short hoe: mhm

tall hoe: i like keith

tall hoe: fuck.

short hoe: don't freak out

short hoe: please don't

short hoe: i can't deal with two of you

tall hoe: but piiiidddgggee he'd never like meeee

tall hoe: he's so,,,, and i'm just,,,,, aw fuck

tall hoe: fuck

short hoe: calm down asshole

short hoe: it'll be fine

short hoe: i'll help you

tall hoe: help me?

short hoe: yeah

short hoe: help you get you your man

tall hoe: really?

short hoe: it's for the greater good.

tall hoe: awww piiiiiddddggggeee

tall hoe: thank you

short hoe: yeah yeah

short hoe: oh and why is my name short hoe if i'm ace

tall hoe: you're an honorary hoe

short hoe: is that good

tall hoe: yeah it is :)

short hoe: alright then

tall hoe: <3

short hoe:

tall hoe: pidge you have to do it back!

short hoe: y'all hear somethin?

tall hoe: i came out here to have a good time and honestly i feel so attacked

short hoe: blocked

12:43 pm

They Protec, They Attac

Spoopy Hoe: oh wait y'all never said what you were gonna be for halloween

James: i'm going as a tired young man who is only pretending to have a costume in order to keep his amazing boyfriend from leaving him

Pidgeon: did you just call yourself "young man"?

James: yes?

gay: shiro he's as old as you are

Shirowo: I'm 25.

Matt: yeah. old.

Shirowo: Matthew you are two months younger than me

Meme#1: you know i had ot do it to em

Shirowo: What did I say about that phrase?

Meme#1: i repeat, you know i had to do it to em

Shirowo: Why do I try?

gay: actually matt's older than you cause you're six

Vewwonica: owo what's this?

gay: shiro was born on a leap day

Spoopy Hoe: asjkghdfnkaml

Rizavi: he's six years old and yet he has six kids?

Incredible Hunk: eleven if you count all of you

Pidgeon: twelve counting matt.

Meme#1: no don't i don't like that

Pidgeon: fair. eleven plus matt

Vewwonica: what

Spoopy Hoe: MOving on, y'all never said what your costumes are

Pidgeon: i'm a robot

Pidgeon: i made it out of sentry scraps

Rizavi: ominous but badass

Rizavi: respect.

Rizavi: i'm going as a skeleton

Vewwonica: i'mma be a mechanic

James: why

Vewwonica: because i'm gay

James: yeah we know what does that have to do with anything

Vewwonica: it has to do with everything.

gay: oh true

Pidgeon: what are you being keith

Spoopky Hoe: probably something emo like a vampire or something

Incredible Hunk: keith you can't be a vampire i'm being a vampire

gay: i'm not being a vampire

gay: i'm being a hippo

Spoopy Hoe: you,,,, what

gay: yeah i bought a onesie and everything

Shirowo: It's true, look:

Shirowo sent one (1) picture.

Spoopy Hoe:

Spoopy Hoe: oh.

1:09 pm

short hoe > tall hoe

short hoe: what do you think of his costume lance?

short hoe: feeling the gay yet?

tall hoe: oh boy am i

tall hoe: it's so cuuuute

short hoe: shut your pining mouth i have an idea

tall hoe: owo what's this? i'm listening

short hoe: meet me in the black box in five minutes

tall hoe: in the what

short hoe: the black box. that room by the theater

tall hoe: the garrison has a theater?!?

short hoe: you lived here for two years lance how do you not know this

tall hoe: i'm but a dumb bitch

short hoe: that's a mood

short hoe: just be there in five

tall hoe: can do

1:32 pm

They Protec, They Attac

Queen: Sorry we are late to the convesation, we were at a meeting, but my fellow Alteans and I are dressing as a pumpkin patch for this holiday.

Gorgeous Man: NOW I AM THE MOST GORGEOUS PUMPKIN OF THEM ALL.

Meme#1: oh my g o d

Leifi Boi: it is quite a good costume i must say

Shirowo: I'm going as a doctor

Meme#1: a sexy doctor

Shirowo: No just a doctor.

Meme#1: takashi you're always sexy you idiot

Shirowo: i

Shirowo: what

Vewwonica: oh tea?

Meme#1: not really. anyone with eyes can see it

Vewwonica: alas, dear matthew, you forget i am as lesbian as they come

Meme#1: oh yeah, how's that going for you bb?

Vewwonica: it's pretty good. I like a pretty girl

Meme#1: that's nice. i like a pretty boy.

Meme#1: well objectively he's more sexy than pretty

Pidgeon: aaaand we've gone fulll circle

1:53 pm

rizolves in water > veri sweet

rizolves in water: wait v you like a girl?

rizolves in water: who?

veri sweet: why do you care?

rizolves in water: cause you're my friend and i care about you?

veri sweet: do you now

rizolves in water: yes?

rizolves in water: veroinca what's wrong?

rizolves in water: did i do something to upset you?

rizolves in water; how can i make it better?

veri sweet: you can't

rizolves in water: what?

rizolves in water: veronica?

2:13 pm

Rizavi > Lance

Rizavi: hello lance

Lance: hi?

Rizavi: is something up with veronica?

Rizavi: i'm worried

Lance: what happened?

Rizavi sent one (1) screenshot

Rizavi: that.

Lance: oh.

Rizavi: she's my best friend and she's never gotten like this with me before what did i do how do i fix it?

Lance: i think i know what it is, calm down.

Rizavi: i can't

Lance: relax honey

Lance: gimme a sec, i'll talk to her.

Rizavi: okay

Rizavi: thank you.

2:19

youngling > big sis

youngling: veronica what is going on with you and rizavi?

youngling: she thinks you're mad at her and it's freaking her out

youngling: just tell her already

big sis: leave me alone, lance

youngling: veronica

big sis: no

big sis: veronica isn't here

youngling: please let me help

big sis: i don't need your help

youngling: you need someone's help

youngling: maybe it isn't me, but you gotta open up to someone

big sis: stop being wise that's my job

big sis:

big sis: fine.

youngling: fine?

big sis: i'll talk to her

youngling: :)

big sis: just not today. i will tell her though. soon.

youngling: alright. just go apologize for now.

big sis: fiiiiiine

big sis: you suck

youngling: ;)

2: 27 pm

veri sweet > rizolves in water

veri sweet: rizavi

rizolves in water: yes veronica?

veri sweet: i'm sorry.

veri sweet: for snapping at you

veri sweet: i'm just freaking out a little

rizolves in water: about what? if you feel comfy telling

veri sweet:

veri sweet: about the girl

rizolves in water: oh?

veri sweet: yeah.

veri sweet: i like her a lot.

veri sweet: she's really sweet and caring and is so important to me

rizolves in water: she sounds wonderful

veri sweet: she is.

rizolves in water: i hope she knows how much she means to you

veri sweet: me too.

2:32 pm

matte > takashi

matte: hey shiro

takashi: what.

matte: well hello to you too

takashi: what do you want

matte: you know i find it funny how you text with such proper grammar and formatting in the group chat but when it's just me or keith you are as bad as the rest of us

takashi: it's cause you can't possibly judge me any more than you already have

matte: tru

matte; but so far i like what i see ;)

takashi: um

takashi: did you want something or

matte: oh yeah

matte: can i take your temperature? you're looking hot today

takashi: wh

matte: get it? cause you're dressed as a doctor?

takashi: you're so dumb

matte: are you my appendix? cause it feels like i'd like to take you out

takashi:

matte: no seriously tho

matte: will you go on a date with me shiro

matte; you big beautiful hunk of muscle

takashi: wait are you serious?

matte: dead

takashi: have you been.... meaning that this whole time?

matte: pretty much yeah

matte: you're just oblivious as fuck

takashi: oh

matte: so?

takashi: yes

matte: yes?

takashi: yes i'd like to go one a date with you

takashi: that sounds very nice

matte: awesome

takashi: yup. awesome

matte: fantastic

takashi: yeah.

matte:

takashi:

matte: see you later takashi

takashi: bye matt

3:16 pm

daaaad > child

daaad: keith he asked me out

child: who did? adam or matt?

daaad: matt

daaad: i haven't talked to adam yet

child: :/ you should

daaad: shut up

daaad: let me be happy

daaad: he asked me out keith tht emans he like sme right

child: yes shiro

child: that is what it means

child: you're as bad as i am

daaad: debatable

daaad: speaking of,

child: what

daaad: did you see lance's costume

child: no?

daaad: he's in the common room, go look

child: why?

daaad: just do it

child: okay

3:29 pm

child > daaad

child: fukc

child: wha

child: why

child: does god actually hate me

child: god hates me

child: it's casue i'm gay isn't it

daaad: stop being dramatic

daaad: god doesn't hate you

daaad: i might tho

child: :'(

daaad: kidding.

child: he,,,,, i can't believe,,,, hwo did he,,,,, he tol dme he was going to be a baseball player,,,,

daaad: you okay over there kiddo?

child: no i most certainly am /not/ okay shiro

daaad: hmmmm

3:41pm

This Is So Sad Paladins Form Voltron

Takashi sent one (1) picture!

Queen: Lance I do not understand your costume.

Romellegant: what are the red dots on your head

Gorgeous Man: WHAT ARE THE WINGS FOR? DID THEY GROW OVER NIGHT? I WOULD LIKE SOME.

Pidgeon: they're fake, coran

Pidgeon: i made them out of cardboard and fabric in like five minutes

3:45 pm

Most Gay > piggie

Most Gay: you

piggie: me.

Most Gay: you did this to me

Most Gay: god doesn't hate me; you do

piggie: bold of you to assume we aren't one entity

Most Gay: what

piggie: what

3:47 pm

This Is So Sad Paladins Form Voltron

HunkyMonkey: i don't get it either

HunkyMonkey: what happened to being a baseball player

LaLaLance: this is better

HunkyMonkey: how

LaLaLance: cause he's keith's favorite

3:48 pm

Most Gay > piggie

Most Gay: fukc fhghjksdfla;'

piggie: breathe

3:49 pm

This Is So Sad Paladins Form Voltron

Mattematics: but who is it

LaLaLance: i am....

LaLaLance: Mothman!

HunkyMonkey: oooohhhh

Takashi: Fun Fact, when Keith was younger he was convinced that he would marry Mothman.

LaLaLance: hsjgdfklas;

Mattematics: well now he can

Kogayne: why would you tell them that

LaLaLance: it's too late

LaLaLance: you gotta marry me now

Kogayne: sure.

LalaLance:

LaLaLance: wh,,,

LaLaLance: what?

Kogayne: i said sure

3:53 pm

Most Gay > piggie

Most Gay: abort abort

Most Gay: pidge why did i do that

piggie: cause you're gay and in love with him

Most Gay: oh yeah

3:54 pm

tall hoe > short hoe

tall hoe: this is too much

tall hoe: hsjgdfkdla

short hoe: then say no

tall hoe: are you insane why would i do that

short hoe: `\(*-*)/`

tall hoe: but he just,,,, afjskg,,,, ugh i like him a lot

short hoe: i dunno how to help you rn dude

tall hoe: that's fair

3:57 pm

Computer > Machine

Computer: how did i end up as the romance guru?

Computer: i'm the one who's ace

Machine: tea?

Computer: too much tea to even explain

Computer: but i'm willing to try

Machine: movies and gossip tonight?

Computer: fuck yeah

Machine: i'll tell the girls

Computer: thanks hunk

Machine: this is gonna be good

3:59 pm

This Is So Sad Paladins Form Voltron

Takashi: Did my little brother just get married?

Pidgeon: pretty much

Takashi: Lance you have my blessing.

LaLaLance: dshlfjgk

Romellegant: I'm unsure of what is going on but i'm here for it

Queen: I am glad that these two have worked it out.

Gorgeous Man: WE WERE ROOTING FOR YOU.

Kogayne: guys calm down it was a joke

Pidgeon: mostly

Kogayne: mostly.

LaLaLance: mostly

Kogayne: wait what

LaLaLance: what

4:08 pm

Keithy > Lancey

Keithy: what did you mean mostly

Lancey: what did /you/ mean mostly

Keithy: fair.

Lancey: did you like my costume tho?

Keithy:

Keithy: yeah i did

Keithy: a lot

Keithy: though to be fair i'd probably like anything if you wore it

Lancey:

4;12 pm

tall hoe > short hoe

tall hoe: PIDGE

4:12 pm

Most Gay > piggie

Most Gay: PIDGE

4:12 pm

Computer > Machine

Computer: i can feel my hair turnng grey already

Machine: this is so sad atlas play despacito

Computer: shut the fuck up.

Chapter Text

November 7th 3:16 pm

Princess > Hunk

Princess: Hello Hunk.

Hunk: hey allura

Hunk: what's up?

Princess: I would like to ask for your assistance with something.

Hunk: sure. what can i help with?

Princess: Romelle.

Hunk: romelle?

Princess: I'd like to ask her on a date.

Hunk: !!!!

Hunk: that's awesome!!!!

Princess: I've come to the conclusion that it's worth a shot.

Princess: But I am unsure of what to do.

Hunk: well. let's start with this: what do you want to do for the date?

Princess: Hmm.

Princess: Well Romelle really liked that "bowling" that you paladins showed us.

Hunk: that's a start!

Hunk: what about food?

Princess: I'd like to make her something Altean, to remind her she still has a people even if our homeworld is long gone.

Hunk: aww that's sweet

Princess: Do you happen to know where I could get a Kylenian gorpus or a Thistine dungerbird egg?

Hunk:

Hunk: no.

Princess: That is a shame.

Hunk: well what are those things like? maybe there's something on earth similar to it

Princess: Alright. A gorpus is like a paste that is sweet and a little tart. It is bright yellow in color and was used in lots of pastries on Altea.

Hunk: so like a strawberry maybe?

Princess: Possibly. I have never had this "strawberry" but I would be willing to try.

Hunk: okay. and for the dungerbird egg, you could try a regular chicken egg?

Princess: Sounds wonderful. Would you be interested in helping me make these things?

Hunk: hell yeah

Princess: Alright. What else do I need to know for a date?

Hunk: well how about before you go bowling you take her on a picnic to eat?

Princess: That is a good idea Hunk. Romelle is very fond of your Earthen flowers and plants.

Hunk: you really like her huh?

Princess: Very much, yes.

Hunk: i'm happy for you.

Princess: Well she may not say yes. We are good friends, but I am not sure if she would be interested in courting me, though I hope she would be.

Hunk: i have a feeling she would be delighted to

Princess: I hope you are right.

Princess: Lastly, how do I ask her?

Hunk: well you just.... ask her?

Hunk: "romelle would you be interested in going on a date with me?"

Hunk: and if she says yes, you decide together on a date and time, adn if she says no, then you come ave a sleepover with Lance and Pidge and I and we will eat ice cream until you feel better

Princess: Hmm.

Hunk: hmm?

Princess: I will do this

Hunk: hell yeah you will! you got this!

Princess:

Princess: Is that offer to sleepover with you three valid only if Romelle turns me down?

Hunk: you wanna come over tonight?

Pricness: Yes please. I enjoy spending time with you all immensely.

Hunk: awesome sauce. i'll tell the other two

3:48 pm

Hunk added Princess, Pidgeon, and Lanceypants to the chat!

Hunk renamed the chat Sleepover

Lanceypants: owo what's this?

Pidgeon: oh heeeeellllll yeah

Princess: :)

Hunk: whose room we doin

Lanceypants: not mine. i still haven't cleaned it up since yall trashed it two nights ago

Pidgeon: we didn't /trash/ it

Hunk: just mildly destroyed it

Princess: I would volunteer my room, but Romelle has set up camp there and I wouldn't want to disturb her. She is scary when she is tired.

Pidgeon: yall are already sharing a room? that's so domestic i love it

Lanceypants: romellura for the win

Hunk: rt

Pidgeon: rt

8:58 pm

knife > sharpi

knife: hey where'd you go?

knife: you aren't in your room

sharpi: sleepover.

knife: oh

sharpi: did you need something?

knife; not really

sharpi: oh okay

knife:

sharpi:

knife: so sleepover huh? with hunk?

sharpi: yeah and pidge and lura

knife: cool.

sharpi: you wanna come?

knife: and watch your soap operas and eat ice cream? hmm

sharpi: hey! my soaps are fucking wonderful you jerk

knife: sure thy are

sharpi: they /are/

knife: mhm

sharpi: so you in or no?

knife: i don't wanna be around people rn actually

knife: if that's alright?

sharpi: of course it's alright

sharpi: you wanna talk about it?

knife; it's not really an "it" i just don't wanna rn

sharpi: that's okay

sharpi: wait you don't wanna be around people but you went looking for me?

knife: you're not people lance

sharpi: i'm not a person?

knife: no you are

knife: but you're not /people/

sharpi: huh?

knife: you don't make me uncomfortable like other people do i mean

sharpi: oh

sharpi: why?

knife; i don't know

knife: you're just very good to be around

knife: safe.

sharpi: oh.

knife: yeah

sharpi: well i'm happy to help

sharpi: you make me feel comfortable too samurai

knife: is it my overwhelmingly open personality or the fact that i have at least two kives on me at all times that makes me comforting

sharpi: gasp!

knife: don;t say gasp

sharpi: g a s p

knife: oh my god

sharpi: did you just make a joke?

knife: yes?

sharpi: hunk's right. galra you /is/ funnier

knife: laaaance

sharpi: and whinier too it seems

knife: i will not hesitate to stab you

sharpi: rebecca! it's not what it looks like!

knife: ???

knife: my name's not rebecca?

sharpi: dshgjkdfadl

sharpi: oh my g o d

knife: what

sharpi: tomorrow we are going to spend the entire day educating you in vines

sharpi: the whole day

knife: okay.

sharpi: wait actually?

knife: yes?

sharpi: you're actually willing to hang out with me all day? i'm not gonna be too annoying?

knife: lance you're not annoying

knife: not to me

sharpi:

9:22 pm

oh my fuckin god > she fuckin dead

oh my fuckin god: pidge

she fuckin dead: what is it lance

she fuckin dead: i'm literally two feet from you

oh my fuckin god: i don't want the others to hear

she fuckin dead: tea?

oh my fuckin god:

oh my fuckin god sent one (1) picture!

oh my fuckin god: is this a date

she fuckin dead: if it is then you are doing romace correctly

she fuckin dead: couples who meme together stay together

oh my fuckin god: we aren't a couple

oh my fuckin god: but this isn't a date, right?

she fuckin dead: oh my god you diasater, /you're/ theone who asked him to hang out stop freakign out it doesn't matter if it's a date or not you get to hang out with keith and that's what ou want right?

oh my fuckin god: well

oh my fuckin god: you're right.

she fuckin dead: of course i am

oh my fuckin god: you're pretty wise for a five year old

she fuckin dead: bitch

oh my fuckin god: blocked and reported

she fuckin dead: wait unblock me

oh my fuckin god: unblocked

she fuckiin dead: bitch

oh my fuckin god blocked she fuckin dead

9:54 pm

sharpi > knife

sharpi sent six (6) pictures!

sharpi: look at us

knife: my favorite is the one where pidge is strangling you

sharpi: rude

sharpi: your favorite isn't the one where my hair is in barettes? i look like i'm five i thought you'd love that

sharpi: you know, perfect opportunity for teasing and stuff

knife: well i mean i do love it

sharpi:

knife:

sharpi: what, no teasing?

knife: no

sharpi: um?

10:06 pm

kogane > shirt

kogane: shiro

shirt: hello yes this is shiro

kogane:

kogane: matt?

shirt: what no this is shiro

shirt: patience yields focus

shirt: see?

kogane: matt lemme talk to shiro

shirt: can't. he's asleep

kogane: ughhhhhhhh

shirt: what did you need kiddo

kogane: matt don't call me kiddo

shirt: i'm being shiro

shirt: so i gotta

kogane: matt.

shirt: just let me heeeeellllpppp

kogane: fine.

kogane: though it's more of a i-need-to-let-the-gay-out situatioin than something you can help with

shirt: oh i'm good at that

kogane: okay then

kogane: it's lance

shirt: ooooooooo

shirt: eyes emoji

kogane: you know what? nevermind

shirt: nonono stay

shirt: what would shiro say?

shirt: "I am too tired for this Keith just talk to him."

kogane: we both know that isn't going to happen

shirt: hey i did it you can too

kogane: oh yeah how is that going?

shirt: fucking awesome i fucking love him so fucking much he's so fucking strong and so fucking smart and fucking brave and fuck

shirt: fuck

kogane: well then

shirt: wait we're supposed to talk about you

shirt: go on, rant

kogane: alright just loook

kogane sent six (6) pictures

shirt: okay and? it's just the four of them being dorks

kogane: he's so cute though what the fuck what thejk fokc

kogane: his hair is in BARETTES

kogane: he has PINK PAJAMAS

kogane: with little LIONS on thEM

kogane: and that otHER ONE

kogane: where he's snuggling with hunk

kogane: i wish that were meeeee

kogane: heeeellllppp

shirt: wow you really got it bad

shirt: big yikes

kogane: not helpppiinnngg

shirt: sorry

shirt: if i were shiro what would i do

kogane: usually he just sits there and act stired ut i can tell that he's enjoying my pain

shirt: well if it makes you feel any better

shirt: you're even more of a gay disaster than i am

kogane: bye

shirt: as shiro would say: "go. be great"

Chapter Text

"It will be fine." Pidge had said, pushing him towards Keith's room.

"It will be fine." He'd told himself, knocking on the metal door.

"It will be fine." He'd repeated, taking a deep breath as he heard footsteps on the other side.

It was not fine.

The door slid open, Keith on the other side.

"Hi." Keith mumbled, tucking his hands into his pockets. He'd ditched their uniforms and was dressed in black leggings and a t-shirt that read "Dinosaur Gay" in blocky letters.

Lance blinked, taking him in, eyes drawn to the sliver of skin revealed by the shirt, the way his leggings clung to his legs, his hair in a damn bun on top of his head. Yeah, it really was not fine.

"Hey man," he managed, looking down and away sheepishly.

"Um. Come in?"

"Yeah." Keith stepped aside to let him in, closing the door behind him.

"So." Lance tried, glancing around the room. It was mostly bare, save for the wall behind the bed, which was covered in pictures and paintings and sketches.

"So."

"I didn't know you drew. Or painted." Lance muttered as he observed the wall. There were some pictures that had been taken on one of their Altean cellphones-- landscapes, aliens, and a couple selfies of the group, including one that Lance himself had pinned on his mirror in his own room of the nine of them-- he, Keith, Pidge, Hunk, Shiro, Allura, Romelle, Coran, and Krolia-- posing in front of the lions in the desert. There were also some sketches of things Keith didn't have pictures of-- Earth, mostly, and a few planets, a supernova, and... Lance. A lot of sketches of Lance. Huh.

"Um. I don't, really. I just... sometimes it helps me." Keith admitted shyly, sitting down on the bed. Lance sat next to him, keeping a few feet of space.

The two were quiet for a minute, Lance still looking at the drawings behind him and Keith just looking at Lance, until Keith broke the silence-- "Lance?"

"Yeah?"

"What's a vine?"

Lance breathed out a nervous laugh, turning towards Keith. "I'm glad you asked." He whipped out his phone, pulling up the youtube videos he had meticulously picked out last night-- his favorite compilations to share with his favorite person. It was an intimate act, watching vines. The most intimate thing you could do with someone, one could argue. Lance was fully prepared to defend that.

"It is, truly, the highest, most intelligent form of human communication."

"...Al..right. But what is it?"

"Shhhh. Just get comfy and prepare to have your world rocked." Lance assured him. Keith flushed at that, but Lance did not take notice. the two settled against the headboard, sides pressed together. It would have been awkward, if.... Well. I was actually kind of awkward. Keith was pretty sure he'd stopped breathing altogether when he felt Lance shirt a little closer to position a his phone on a pillow on their laps.

"Lance-"

"Shh! Keith, just watch."

"Come and get y'all juice...."

----

1:06 pm

This Is So Sad Paladins Form Voltron

takashi: Do any of you know where Keith or Lance are? Neither of them are answering my texts and I can't find them anywhere. We were supposed to train today.

Pidgeon: vine date

takashi: ....Excuse me?

Pidgeon: well lance insisted it wasn't a date, but like. it is. they're watching vines in keith's room. have been for like four hours now.

takashi: ...Oh.

takashi: Training has been cancelled today, on account of me not wanting to mess up my gay little brother's shot with the boy he's been in love with for like three years. I hope you all understand.

Gorgeous Man: OH GOOD FOR THEM. I AM PLEASED.

Pidgeon: oh yeah that reminds me

HunkyMonkey: ?

Pidgeon: hold up

1:17pm

Pidgeon added HunkyMonkey, takashi, Princess, Gorgeous Man, Mattematics, Romellegant, and Vewwonica to the chat!

Pidgeon renamed the chat Operation Klance

Pidgeon: theeeere we go

takashi: I approve.

HunkyMonkey: what's this for?

Vewwonica: I agree with hunk: owo what's this?

Pidgeon: veronica i have wholeheartedly accepted you as my new older sibling but please please please, you don't need to say it everytime

Vewwonica: false

Vewwonica: i really do need to say it everytime

Mattematics: respect.

Vewwonica: <3

Mattematics: <3

takashi: Anyway.

Pidgeon: okay let's get down to it: who's gonna crack first: keith or lance? place your bets now.

HunkyMonkey: twenty bucks says it's lance

Mattematics: damn hunk you'd sell your bestie out like that? cold.

HunkyMonkey: i love lance, i really really do, but boy can't keep quiet about anything to save his life

Vewwonica: oh that's where you're wrong hunk. i lance is actually really bad at sharing his feelings because he hated "burdening people" with them. it's a pronblem

HunkyMonkey: ...

takashi: ...Is that true?

takashi: Does he know that no one here thinks of him as a burden? Ever?

Vewwonica: we're working on it

takashi: This is concerning.

takashi: Although, I am still going to have to bet Keith will crack first.

Mattematics: oh definitely

Pidgeon: really?

Mattematics: when shiro first adopted keith, he was so freaked out that he tried to run away and when shiro got him back he tried to lecture keith about how he had people who cared about him now and keith stated fuckin crying because he doesn't know how to handle people caring about him

Mattematics: and like lance really cares about him and wants to take care of him and all that bullshit and so keith will probably die soon

takashi: Yeah Keith's really not so good at keeping secrets either. I tried to throw Adam a surprise party once, and I told Keith not to tell Adam, right? So Keith, being thirteen, saw this as his ultimate mission and vowed not to tell Adam. He was like pretty sure that this was me trying to test his worth, since the adoption papers weren't through yet and he thought I was trying to see if I needed to return him.

Pidgeon: that makes me feel,,,, sad,,, stop

takashi: It broke my fucking heart.

HunkyMonkey: i'm gonna cry

Mattematics: anywAY takashi tell the story

takashi: Yeah so he was very determined not to tell Adam, and it was gonna be great. Except as soon as Adam walked in the room and said, "Hi Takashi. Hello Keith," Keith broke down and started wailing and Adam was really shook and Keith just told him.

takashi: I tried to be mad but it was difficult. Keith really is a good kid.

Queen: Your brotherly bond makes me very happy. I am glad Keith has someone like you in his life.

Pidgeon: this bitch /may/ be crying in the club,,,

Mattematics: only thug tears tho

Mattematics: cause my little sis is a badass

HunkyMonkey: *little sib

Mattematics: oh shit

1;29 pm

big holt > little holt

big holt: pidge i'm sorry

big holt: i didn't mean to slip up

big holt: i wan to you to be comfortable and happy

big holt: i'm just adjusting i'm sorry i'm sorry

big holt: i'm a bad person i'm so sorryijhkgfdls;

little holt: calm your ass down

little holt: it's fine

little holt: i don't hold it against you

little holt: i know it's gonna be a little hard to remember at first since you've been calling me your sister your whole life, and as far as i knew that was correct

little holt: i don't blame you at all

little holt: i know you are trying your best

little holt: so calm the fuck down

big holt: hgjskdfla;

big holt: you really are the best little sibling i could ever have asked for

big holt: you're smart, devious, and you meme with me

big holt: i wish upon you a bountiful winter

big holt: a plentiful harvest

little sholt: shut up you nerd

big holt: love you <3

little holt: meh.

big holt: i /said/, LOVE YOU
little holt: ugh fine

little holt: love you too

little holt: nerd

big holt: dork

little holt: asshole

big holt: fucker

little holt: <3

big holt: <3

1:36 pm

Operation Klance

Pidgeon: so anyway, what is the consensus on klance?

HunkyMonkey: i like laith better

Pidgeon: you don't make the rules; i do.

Mattematics: says who?

Pidgeon: do you really wanna go there?

Mattematics: ...

Mattematics: no.

Pidgeon: that's what i thought, bitch

Pidgeon: anyway, bets?

takashi: What did I just witness?

takashi: Do I wanna know?

Mattematics: No. You do not.

Gorgeous Man: OMINOUS.

HunkyMonkey: dsjkfgh coran

Romellegant: Back on topic, i personally think that Lance will break first

Queen: I do not mean to betray Lance, my "be-eff-eff" as you humans say,

HunkyMonkey: oh my g o d

Queen: But I agree with Hunk and Romelle. Lance will crack first. He cares to deeply.

Gorgeous Man: LANCE, MY DEAREST SON, SHALL CRACK FIRST. I AM SORRY TO ADMIT IT BUT IT IS TRUE.

Pidgeon: alright, so it goes as follows: Allura Romelle, hunk, and Coran all believe Lance will crack first; shiro, matt, and Veronica think it will be Keith.

HunkyMonkey: why didn't you capitalize /my/ name?

Pidgeon: i capitalize those who have earned it.

Mattematics: hfshdkj

takashi: I have not earned it?

Pidgeon: you're stupid enough to like matt.

takashi: Understandable have a nice day.

Mattematics: takashiiiiiii

takashi: Mattttttttt.

HunkyMonkey: Pidge who do you vote for?

Pidgeon: no one.

Pidgeon: i am the neutral party

Romellegant: that is wise.

Queen: Pidge I would like you to know how much I respect you.

Gorgeous Man: ME AS WELL. A TRUE SCIENTIST.

Pidgeon: i try.

Vewwonica: what does the winning party get?

Pingeon: hmm. we betting cash or y'all thinking of something else?

takashi: Cash.

Mattematics: cash.

HunkyMonkey: cash

Vewwonica: cash.

Pidgeon: alright then. cash and bragging rights it is.

Pidgeon: everyone puts in forty bucks?

HunkyMonkey: sounds reasonable

takashi: Alright.

takashi: I suppose I'll be putting in the money for Matt, seeing as he spent all his money on Cheetos two days ago.

Pidgeon: Matt!

Mattematics: you're not my real dad!

Pidgeon: sigh.

takashi: Now you know how I feel. I have like ten kids at this point.

Pidgeon: damn Shiro.

Pidgeon: respect.

takashi: You capitalized my name. :)

HunkyMonkey: did

HunkyMonkey: did shiro just use an emoji?

takashi: Yes?

hunkyMonkey: okay what the hell?

takashi: ?

Mattematics: takashi you know i love you so don't take this the wrong way

Mattematics; but you're like. super old.

takashi: How many times do I have to say it? I'm twenty-five!

Mattematics: you have white hair, you use proper capitalization in texts, you fold your laundry, and you have like ten kids

Mattematics: just admit it, you're old

takashi: I'm not!

Mattematics: honey you kinda /are/

takashi: I am not.

1:48pm

tired > bae

tired: I'm not old, am I?

bae: takashi you are just a little old

bae: it's alright tho i think it's hot

tired: matthew holt!

tired: <3

1:51 pm

Operation Klance

Pidgeon: i propose we send someone to spy on them

HunkyMokey: not it

Vewwonica: not it

Pidgeon: not it

Mattematics: not it

Romellegant: not it

Princess: Not it.

Gorgeous Man: NOT IT

takashi: Dangit.

takashi: Do I have to?

Mattematics: i'll go with you if you want

takashi: Please.

Mattematics: alright i'll meet you in your room in five lemme put on some pants

Pidgeon: take pictures! we need receipts!

takashi: Yeah yeah.

Mattematics: alright let's do this thing

----

"I don't get that one." Keith said, reaching over to pause the video. They'd been at it for hours, watching compilation after compilation, and by now Keith was pretty well-versed.

"Keith that's the eighth time you've said that, I still don't know what to tell you."

"Why is it funny?"

"It just...is?"

"No, it just isn't." Keith sighed, snuggling down into the sheets in frustration. THe two had ended up so close they were practically cuddling. Lance watched a strand of hair drift into Keith's face and resisted the urge to brush it away.

"It is, though. What's not funny about the guy singing to his cat? It's iconic."

"I guess." He yawned. "my favorite is thill the one about Jared. I want to marry Jared."

"You.... what?" Lance laughed, raising an eyebrow at him.

"What can I say, Lance." Keith looked up at him, staring him dead in the eye, a blank expression on his face as he continued: "I'm morosexual. Exclusively attracted to dumbasses."

Lance stared for a moment, mouth agape, eyes wide. Was he serious? For a second, Lance considered dumbing himself down forever so maybe he'd have a chance with Keith...

But then Keith cracked a smile and Lance realized he was joking.

"Keith! You... What the hell? You freaked me out!"

"God Lance you're such an idiot." He muttered, reaching over to play the video again.

They watched a moment in silence again, Keith pressed into Lance's side comfortably. He didn't usually feel this comfortable with touching other people, but with Lance it felt...nice? Safe. Good. He sighed and inhaled Lane's shampoo-smell, subconsciously snuggling in closer. He missed it when Lance took in a sharp breath, tensing the slightest bit.

Click. Click. Click.

"What was that?" Keith mumbled sleepily.

"Dunno." Lance paused the video, looking around the room. He didn't see anything out of the ordinary... Wait. Was that... a phone? Sticking in the doorway?

"Keith," He whispered. The other boy perked up a little at his conspiratory tone, eyes narrowing in suspicion, 'Look at the door."

He did, and a dark expression crossed his face. "Pidge?" He muttered to Lance, who nodded his head, "Probably."

"Okay. Shh." Keith climbed silently out of the bed, untangling himself from Lance with a red face, and stalked toward the door. Taking a deep breath, he put his hand on the handle and yanked, putting arm out low to smack Pidge in the stomach....

.....And punched Shiro square in the dick. Hard.

"Fuck." Shiro wheezed, falling over.

"Shiro?" Keith asked, Lance coming up behind him to peer curiously over his shoulder. Matt was laughing, hands wrapped around his stomach.

"Keith! I can't believe you punched him in the dick! What the hell?" He cried, watching his boyfriend writhe on the floor in pain.

"I thought he was Pidge!"

"That's fair." Matt conceded, helping Takashi to stand up.

"What are you even doing here?" Lance asked, cocking his head to the side.

"Uh."

"Um."

"We are here to. See if you guys are coming to training today?" Matt tried, glancing at his floundering boyfriend. Espionage never had been Shiro's strong suit.

"Sure you are." Keith said, eying them warily. "Just get the fuck out of here or I'll do it again."

"Well. It seems we were interrupting something, hm?" Matt said slyly, wiggling his eyebrows.

"You. N-no!" Lance sputtered indignantly, sending a glare his way.

"Ahem." Shiro said, gaining the attention of the other three. "First of all, I'd just like to inform yo uKeith that you will pay for that." Keith only grunted in response. "Second of all, allow me...." Matt tilted his head, still listening. There was a pause before Shiro began,"Keith and Lance, sitting in a tree..."

"K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" Matt joined, smirking at the other two.

"Ugh!" Keith cried, face red and he slammed the door. He could the pair laughing on the other side as they went down the hall.

He took a breath before turning to Lance, who was adamantly avoiding his gaze. His face and neck were flushed crimson in embarrassment, and he glanced up at Keith through his lashes before quickly looking away again after seeing Keith was looking at him. It was... cute.

Shut up, he told himself.

"So."

"So"Lance echoed. "I should, uh, actually get going. I told Nadia I'd help her learn some Spanish to woo Veronica with."

"Oh." Keith replied, feeling a little disappointed. "Alright."

Lance began to show himself out, opening the door and taking a step into the hallway, before pausing and turing back around, as if he'd made up his mind about something. He faced Keith again, squaring his shoulders, preparing for a battle. Keith raised an eyebrow.

"Keith. Um." Lance took a deep breath, "I had a lot of fun today. I'm honored to have been the one to educate you on the way of vines." He did a fake curtsy and giggled nervously before standing and looking at Keith seriously. "Really. It was nice."

Before Keith even realized what was happening, Lance was leaning towards him, breath fanning across Keith's face and eyes fluttering closed gently as he pressed his lips to Keith's cheek. And then he just. Kissed Keith on the cheek before hightailing it the hell outta there, leaving Keith standing dumbly in his doorway, a hand on his cheek and eyes wide.

"Fuck." He breathed. "I'm screwed."

---

2:36 pm

Operation Klance

takashi sent twenty-two (22) photos!

Mattematics: hgkfjdslka;

HunkyMonkey: tEA

takashi: I got punched in the dick for these receipts. I hope you're happy.

Mattematics: i sure am

Pidgeon: you got.... what?

takashi: Keith is a fucking demon.

Mattematics: keith is my new favorite

Romellegant: I am enjoying this turn of events

Princess: Why?

Romellegant: I thrive off the pain of others.

Pidgeon: oh mood

Vewwonica: respect.

Pidgeon: you know what?

Romellegant: what.

2:42 pm

Pidgeon added Romellegant, Princess, Vewwonica, Rizavi, and Leifi Boi to the chat!

Pidgeon named the chat Badass Not-Boys

Vewwonica: oh fuck yeah

Romellegant: I approve

Princess: I love this development.

Rizavi: hellllll yeahhhhh

Pidgeon changed Princess's name to Queen

Pidgeon changed Romellegant's name to Blondi

Pidgeon changed Rizavi's name to Mob Boss

Pidgeon changed Vewwonca's name to Lesbian

Pidgeon changed Leifi Boi's name to Smarti

Pidgeon changed their name to Shorti

Shorti: squad

Mob Boss: squad

Lesbian: squad

Smarti: squad

Blondi: squad

Queen: "Squad."

Shorti: jbhfdgskla; alLura

Chapter Text

2:18pm

em ef ees

vee: y'all down for some tacos tonight

are: hell yeah

are: voltron too?

vee: nah. i miss just us five, y'know?

vee: not that i don't love the others

jay: sure

jay: i /guess/ i have time to hang out with you losers

kay: i'm down

el: I will be there.

vee: six?

are: ya

jay: meet at the front of the garrison

vee: wait by which doors

jay: the north ones

kay: got it

are: which way is north

vee: towards that big rock

are: we're in the desert veronica they're all big rocks

vee: the big rock that looks like a dick

are: which big rock that looks like a dick?

vee; the one in the north!!

kay: all the rocks here look like dicks

jay: why do i hang out with you people

el: Kinkade, I disagree. Some of the rocks here are shaped like breasts as well, not only like male genetalia.

vee: oh u rite u rite

jay: just shut the fuck up, all of you

----

"Hey," Veronica grumbled, sidling up to the others, "Sorry I'm late, Lance and I got distracted.

"Distracted with what?" Nadia asked as the five started towards Kinkade's car. He was the only one who could even afford one, seeing as his parents were fairly well-off.

"We were debating whether or not vampires can get AIDS." McClain replied with a yawn as she opened the passenger side door.

"I already called shotgun." James informed her, squirming past her and into the seat before she could object.

"You little demon." She cursed, but got in the back anyway.

"Well?" Ina casually asked, already buckled in, "What was the verdict?"

"We decided that yes, vampires can get AIDS. Like, if they drank someone's blood and that person had AIDS, then the vampire would get AIDS. But it couldn't kill them, obviously."

"Why not?" Kinkade questioned as he started the car. He headed east towards their usual taco joint, La Luna Azul, where they used to sneak out to in their days as cadets. They once ran into Shiro there while skipping class. ("Shouldn't you be in class?" "Shouldn't you be teaching a class?")

"Because vampires can only be killed by a wooden stake to the heart, dumbass."

"Says who?" Nadia challenged, smirking at Veronica. "You really gonna buy into that commercial bullshit? I thought you were better than that, V."

"Actually, the misconceptions about the wooden stake comes from the stories about Vlad the third, the basis for Dracula. He impaled all his victims on wooden stakes--" Ina began, but was cut off by Kinkade.

"But that's a myth. It can't be the only way to kill a vampire."

"You know what's a myth? Vampires themselves. There's no evidence." James interjected, but was ignored by all four. He usually was, in these conversations.

"Sure it can. Vampires are immortal." Veronica argued, leaning towards the front seat. Outside the window, miles of dry desert blurred past. It was a bit of a ways out to get to town, but the tacos were worth it.

"Vampires are people too." Rivazi argued, leaning into her shoulder. Veronica flushed, glancing down at Nadia's head on her shoulder. In the rearview mirror, Kinkade raised a knowing eyebrow at her. She stuck her tongue out at him and he laughed. Kinkade was probably one of her best friends, save for Nadia. She'd met him on her first day at the Garrison, six months after Lance had gone missing. Veronica had been such a hot mess then, and was grateful when Kinkade had helped her unquestioningly. He was quiet, blunt, and curious by nature, which tended to put people off, but he'd been there for her when everyone else thought she was crazy. She could recall many nights when she's shown up at his dorm with tears in her eyes after nightmares. He'd always silently held up the covers to let her in, holding her while she cried.

"Hey let's talk about something else." James tried, "Something real maybe."

"Bitch-" Veronica began, and the others laughed.

----

7:38 pm

Kashi > Memethew

Kashi: you want to go out tonight?

Memethew: gasp!

Memethew: Shiro are you asking me on a date?!

Kashi: Matt.

Memthew: I'm flattered

Memethew: but i'm sorry, i have a boyfriend

Kashi: I'm your boyfriend, dumbass

Memethew: oh yeah

Memethew: in that case, sure

Kashi: You're the worst.

Memethew: love you too babe

Memethew: wait

Kashi: uhh

Memethew: shit

Memethew: don't freak out

Memethew: let's just pretend i didn't say that

Kashi: it it true?

Memethew:

Memethew: well i mean yeah

Memethew: but i know it's really soon

Memethew: you don't have to say it back

Kashi: shut up

Kashi: i love you too, dorkus

Memethew: oh.

Memtethew: may i ask why?

Kashi: seriously?

Memethew: i mean, i know i'm irresistible but like, what specifically drew you in?

Kashi: i'm not doing this right now

Memethew: takashiiiii

Memethew: gimme complimentssss

Memthew: please?

Kashi:

Kashi: fine.

Memethew: :)

Kashi: You're brave. Like to the point where it's annoying because you don't think before you do things.

Memethew: that was a little salty but i'll take it

Kashi: you're funny. mostly because you're so stupid

Memethew: :(

Kashi: and you care so much about people

Kashi: and you're a good brother to pidge

Kashi: and sometimes you're an idiot but you always have good intentions

Kashi: also you're small so i kind of have to protect you

Memethew: hey wait what

Memethew: i'm gonna get a growth spurt eventually!

Kashi: sure you are.

Memethew: :(

Kashi: love you, dork.

Memethew: love you too, takashi shirogane.

8:02 pm

Hunc > Lanc

Hunc: hey are you okay? you looked a little off at dinner today

Lanc: i'm just tired

Hunc: Lance.

Hunc: if something's bothering you, you can tell me.

Lanc: i know.

Hunc: so?

Lanc:

Lanc: do you think i'm annoying?

Lanc: be honest with me

Hunc: of course not! who said you were? i'll kill them

Lanc: no one

Lanc: it's just,,, i know i can be a lot sometimes and it's hard for me to shut up and it can be annoying, right?

Lanc: i'm sorry

Hunc: don't be sorry for being yourself, lance. ever.

Hunc: yeah, you have a big personality, but that's what people love about you. you're so warm and inviting and you care deeply about everyone around you

Lanc: i guess

Lanc: whatever. it's stupid i'm gonna go to bed.

Hunc: lance we all love you. don't forget that

8:54 pm

Hunc: lance?

9:07 pm

Hunk! > Keith!

Hunk!: hey lance is kinda upset and he won't listen to me

Hunk!: he's also maybe asleep tho

Keith!: did something happen? did someone hurt him do i need to kick someone's ass?

Hunk!: no no no

Hunk!: i think he's just feeling a little down

Hunk!: you sholud try talking to him?

Keith!: he'd listen to me?

Hunk!: yeah

Keith!: why?

Hunk!: he just will.

Hunk!: just try?

Keith!: of course

Hunk!: awesome

9:25 pm

Emo > Lantern

Emo: hey

Emo: lance

Emo: um i dunno how to do this

Emo: but hunk said you're upset

Emo: and i don't want you to be upset

Emo: like, ever

Emo: because you deserve to be happy

Emo: and i like it when you smile

Emo: so cheer up?

Emo: if there's anything i can do to help you, you'd tell me, right?

Emo: i'm here for you

Emo: and so is the rest of the team, of course

Emo: just please let us help

Emo: okay goodnight lance

Emo:

Emo: <3

----

"You fucking bitch!" Veronica cried, launching herself across the table at James. "Gimme back my burrito!"

"Hmm. No thanks." He replied dryly, leaning out of the way. He went to take a bite of the stolen burrito, but it was knocked out of his hand as Veronica tried to grab it. Both watched in horror as it fell lifelessly to the floor.

"Fuck. I con't believe you've done this." Rizavi muttered to herself as she watched.

"Ryyyyan, look what she did!" James whined, turning to his boyfriend and burying his head in the other boy's shoulder.

"It was her burrito, James."

"But I wanted it! And now it's on the floor!"

"You're such a fucking baby." Veronica grumbled, settling back into her seat. "Now I don't have any food. At least you ate yuor meal and didn't have it stolen right out from under your nose."

"Stolen?" Griffin scoffed, "I won that bet fair and square, McClain."

"You cheated!" She cried, then rounded on Rizavi, "Right, Nadia?"

Nadia paled, torn. On the one hand, James had in fact won without cheating. She'd seen it all with her own eyes. But on the other hand, Veronica was looking at her with those big blue eyes and her lip was stuck out a little and Nadia knew two things: one, that if she disagreed with her best friend and sided with James of all people, she'd never hear the end of it; and two, that there was absolutely no way in hell that she could possibly say no to that face. She never had been all that good at denying Veronica anything. That's just how it was.

"Well, um." She tried, looking away from Veronica and back at James, then to veronica again. She didn't want to upset either of them, and she didn't want to support their bullshit, but both of her friends were looking expectantly at her.

"James did not cheat, Veronica. You knew the stakes going in. This is no one's fault but your own." Leifsdottir interrupted calmly, not even bothering to glance up from her tacos. Veronica sighed, knowing it was no use objecting. Ina's word was law.

"Whatever." She muttered glancing down and away moodily, arms crossed over her chest.

Silently, Nadia pushed her plate closer to the other girl, offering some of her rice and beans. Veronica looked curiously at her, but she didn't say anything, just took a sip of her soda.

Kinkade watched them both turn a little red and rolled his eyes. Oblivious little shits.

----

1:37 am

They Protec, They Attac

Pidgeon: guess what bitches

Pidgeon: i broke into iverson's office and spray painted his walls pink

gay: one question

gay: why

Pidgoen: cause i can

gay: valid.

Pidgeon: i had a bunch of spray paint left over from that bot i made

gay: oh is GayBot finished?

Pidgeon: for the last time keith i'm not naming it gaybot

gay: why nooootttttt

pidgeon: it's for the fucking military keith i'm not naming it gaybot

gay: ugh you suck

gay: why'd you paint it pink?

Pidgeon: because pink is the most badass of all colors, dumbass

gay: alright.

gay: i'm still gonna call it gaybot tho

Pidgeon: you petty bitch

gay: yeah that's me

Pidgeon: is everyone else asleep?

gay: i think so

Pidgeon: wanna play videogames all night with me?

Pidgeon: i'm almost finished with Killbot Phantasm

gay: you mean gaybot phantasm

Pidgeon: ugh

Pidgeon: offer redacted

gay: wait no

gay; i wanna play

Pidgeon: my room in five?

gay: hell yeah

-----

11:53 am

McClains ™

Mama: Leandro Alejandro Anton McClain

Lance: y,,,,yes?

Veronica: oh shit what's you do this time

Mama: Language, Veronica.

Luis: what'd lance do

Mama: What's this Katie told me about a boy? Keith?

Lance; what the hell you've been talking to pidge about me?

Mama: Of course. How else will I know all the embarrassing things you do, hijo?

Lance: hdgfjkslads /mom/

Mama: What's he like?

Veronica: whoa whoa whoa lance what /about/ keith?

Lance: nothing!

Veronica: /lance/

Lance: oh whatever

Lance: what about you and nadia, hmm?

Lance; let's talk about that

Veronica; let's,,,not

Luis: owo what's this?

Marco: Luis don't say that you furry

Luis: shut /up/

Lance: did you just call him a furry

Marco: A lot happened while you were gone.

Lance: exCUSe ME?

Lance: luis,,,, are you a furry,,,, i cont believe you've done this

Marco: He also dyed part of his hair red. And had emo bangs.

Luis: it was a phase marco get over it

Veronica: never forget

Luis: ughhhh

Mama: Lance tell me more about Keith.

Lance: no thanks

Lance: i just exposed v's crush on her best friend and no one cares?

Mama: Oh please.

Mama: As if anyone ever thought otherwise.

Luis: yeah, we been knew.

Veronica: am i really that obvious?

Marco: Yes.

Luis: yes

Lance; yes

Mama: Yes.

Veronica: dammit

Mama: Anyway, Lance tell me about Keith.

Lance; well

Lance; uh

Lance: he's pretty. like, really pretty. he's got dark hair and it's kind of a mullet but it looks soft

Mama: Uh huh

Lance: and his eyes are purple? which sounds weird but they're really nice. sometimes, when he goes all galra on us, the white parts turn yellow but it's cool. and he gets fangs

Luis: wait he's part galra? that's so cool

Lance: it really is

Lance: he struggled with it a lot because like. you know. the empire is kinda evil. and i didn't like seeing him like that but after he joined the blade it was like he accepted it and embraced it, you know?

Mama: What's he like? His personality?

Lance: he's really.... broody, sometimes. but liek i get it, he's had a rough life

Veronica: he's emo

Marco: Like Luis-emo, or real emo?

Luis; hey!

Veronica: real emo

Lance: but he's actually really funny and clever and he makes me feel safe and comfy

Mama: He sounds wonderful.

Mama: I demand that you invite him over for tamale night.

Mama: And the rest of your friends. They're all too thin.

Mama: And I need to debrief with Hunk.

Luis: what do you mean, debrief?

Mama: Hunk does us all a favor by taking care of Lance

Marco: True.

Lance: hey! i'm right here

Mama: Sorry, mijo. It's just that you aren't always so open about what problems you have, and it is reassuring to me that you have Hunk with you to lean on.

Lance: oh.

Lance: acceptable

Veronica: we love you kiddo

Luis: rt

Mama: Don't tell your siblings, but you have always been my favorite, Lance.

Marco: Mama! We're right here!

Mama: Oh. Oops.

Veronica: i have a feeling that wasn't an accident.

Mama: As Lance always says, "you know I had to do it to them."

Luis: hgjksfld;

Lance: fjhgkdls;

Veronica: jkgfdl;

Marco: Must you all do that?

Veronica: yeah, we must

Lance: you wouldn't understand, cause you're straight.

Luis: true that

Marco: What?

Veronica: oh come on, marco. everyone knows you're the token straight sibling

Mama: It's true, you are.

Marco: I'm leaving. Bye.

Lance: coward

Mama: Lance, when will you be bringing your friends around?

Lance: preferably never

Mama: Please.

Lance: .....fine.

Lance: but only is v brings the mfes too

Veronica: lance that would be chaos

Veronica: which is exactly why i will do it

Lance: ;)

Veronica: ;)

Mama: I think I may have made a mistake.

Luis: too late now

Lance: okay shiro is glaring at me i gotta go

Lance: love you mama, love you v, love you marco

Luis: wait what about me?

Lance: you're alright.

Luis: i feel attacked

Lance: you should.

Mama: Boys. Please at least pretend to get along.

Lance: fine.

Luis: fine.

12:47 pm

They Protec, They Attac

Spoopy Hoe changed their name to Lancito

Lancito: well

Lancito: you're all invited to the famous McClain tamale night

Pidgeon: fuuuuucccckkk yeah

HunkyMonkey: awesome!

HunkyMonkey: I need to catch up with Rosa. It's been so long

Veronica: y'all are really gonna love it. mama's tamales are to die for.

Gorgeous Man: TO DIE FOR, YOU SAY? WHO WILL BE DYING? I WAS UNAWARE THAT A SACRIFICE WAS REQUIRED.

gay: coran no

12:52 pm

Emo > Lantern

Emo: you good?

Lantern: yeah. i'm good

Lantern: thanks keith

Emo: anytime, lance. anytime.

Chapter Text

3:06 pm

They Protec, They Attac

Pidgeon: well guess who bitch-slapped iverson

gay: pidge you didn't

HunkyMonkey; no they didn't

Shirowo: Oh thank god

HunkyMonkey: lance did

Shirowo: For fuck's sake

Vewwonica: did,,,, did shiro just say fuck

Shirowo: Yes. What of it?

James: that was oddly passive aggressive

James: sir

Mattematics: hey anyway let's talk about something else

Kink-aid: wait i wanna discuss the fact that our father just said the fuck word in front of us

gay: the fuck word

Pidgeon: we don't /say/ the fuck word

Mattematics: leave him alone guys

Leifi Boi: This is interesting but why did Lance bitchslap our commanding officer?

Pidgeon: /your/ commanding officer

gay: in this house we do not respect mitchel iverson

gay: i hate him

HunkyMonkey: rt

Pidgeon: amen

Rizavi: why do y'all hate him so much?

Pidgeon: uh, have you /met/ iverson? guy's an asshole

gay: a homophobic prick

Shirowo: He is worse than Zarkon himself.

Kink-aid: damn shiro

Shirowo: However, that doesn't mean we should go around slapping him.

Shirowo: We should use weapons instead.

HunkyMonkey: ghfjldks

Pidgeon: what happened to shiro i'm scared

Pidgeon: where did our real dad go

Vewwonica: okay but why do you guys hate him again? he's fine

Pidgeon: fuck no he isn't!

gay: he has always hated me

Pidgeon: he made matt cry

HunkyMonkey: he used to say horrible things to lance bc of his heritage

HunkyMonkey: and make fun of him while he was still learning how america's fucked up society works

Vewwonica: wait what?

Vewwonica: lance why didn't you tell me?

Lancito: it wasn't a big deal

Vewwonica: lance that /is/ a big deal

3:25 pm

Big Sister > Lancey

Big Sister: we're gonna talk about this later

Lancey: uuuggghhh fine

3:26 pm

They Protec, They Attac

Shirowo: Iverson was (is?) a jerk.

Shirowo: From what I've seen lately, he's repentant, but he hasn't apologized to anyone.

Mattematics: he hurt takashiiii i hate him

Rizavi: he what?

Shirowo: It doesn't matter, we are not talking about that today.

Kink-aid: sir?

Kink-aid: you know we are here for you?

Shirowo: Please do not call me sir, Kinkade. Or any of you. We are friends, not colleagues.

Shirowo: Except you, James. You must call me sir.

Lancito: hgjfkdls

Kink-aid: haha

James: what did i do?

Shirowo: Excuse me?

James: sigh

James: what did i do, sir?

Shirowo: That's better.

Shirowo: And you know what you did.

James: w,,,what

Vewwonica: serves you right, bitch

James: ???

Leifi Boi: Yes, we all know James is a prick but why did Lance slap Iverson?

Lancito: he was being a bitch

HunkyMonkey: he really was

Romellegant: i can't believe he did that

Romellegant: this is who you choose to lead your planet? disgraceful

Vewwonica: what could he possibly have done

Pidgeon: he committed the most heinous of crimes

gay: he shoud have gotten a lot more than a slap, really

Rizavi: enough with the theatrics

Rizavi: what did he /do/

Lancito: he called tomatoes a fruit

Vewwonica; he what

Vewwonica: he WHAT

gay: he is satan incarnate

Romellegant: he must pay

HunkyMonkey: i've lost all faith in humanity why did we even come back

Lancito: rt

Pidgeon: i thought he was supposed to be smart?

gay: why would you ever think that?

Mattematics: hdjfgkfsl

Shirowo: Hmm. While Iverson is wrong, you shouldn't have slapped him.

Lancito: yeah i really should have

Kink-aid: I'm with lance

Lancito: bisexual solidarity bro

Kink-aid: bro

HunkyMonkey: bro

Lancito: no hunk get out you're not bi

Kink-aid: yeah you hetero

Pidgeon: we don't say the h-word

Vewwonica: fgijkdlsa;

Queen: Tomatoes... are a fruit though? They have seeds, do they not?

gay: oh you poor soul

Shirowo: Lance is rubbing off on Keith. He's never been his openly dramatic before.

HunkyMonkey: "openly"?

Shirowo: You should have seen him before, guys.

Mattematics: oh i miss little kieth. he was so angsty and full of rage. now he's all,,, mature and it's gross

gay: thanks i guess?

Queen: Somebody explain about the tomatoes.

Lancito: they're an honorary veggie

Romellegant: they are most certainly not a fruit. i would know. i have had them six times since we arrived on this planet.

Queen: I will take your word for it, Romelle.

Romellegant: <3

Queen: "<3"

Pidgeon: eyes emoji

HunkyMonkey: eyes emoji

Vewwonica: owo what's this

James: for the love of fuck, please i'm begging you will you stop that

Vewwonica: owo what's this?

James: fuck you

Vewwonica: sorry but i don't like boys

Kink-aid: ghjfkdsl

Rizavi: veronica marry me

Vewwonica:

Vewwonica: um

Lancito: hm.

Lancito: inch resting

Vewwonica; oh shut up

Rizavi: what just happened

Vewwonica: doesn't matter

Rizavi: ????

Mattematics: oh honey

Mattematics: this is painful to watch

Pidgeon: you're not really one to talk, /matthew/

Mattematics: understandable have a nice day

James: so did iverson go off on you for slapping him?

Lancito: he tried

Kink-aid: "tired?"

HunkyMonkey: he started talking and lance slapped him again

Mattematics: oh my godfsdhsglkjs; lance i'm so proud

Lancito: learned from the best bb

Mattematics: <3

Lancito: <3

Shirowo: I'm disappointed in both of you.

Pidgeon: it was so fucking funny tho, you should have seen his face. he looked like he was gonna rip lance a new one, until he remembered that lance has higher clearance than him now and is basically his commanding officer at this point, being like. you know. a universe saver and all that bullshit and iverson just. turned on his heel and stomped off like and angry five year old it was golden

James: i'm still confused about,,,, all of this

Gorgeous Man: WHAT CONFUSES ME MOST IS THE EYEPATCH. WHERE DID IT COME FROM?

gay: we're not going there

Shirowo: Wait Keith, you know? Iverson won't tell me.

Rizavi: he won't tell any of us either

Vewwonica: lance knows but he won't tell me. he says he's been sworn to secrecy

Leifi Boi: By who?

Mattematics: *by whomst

Vewwonica: by keith

HunkyMonkey: laaaaance tell us

Pidgeon: or keithhh tell us

gay: no thanks

Pidgeon: we went cryptid hunting together. i thought we had a bonding moment

HunkyMonkey: wE hAd a BoNdiNg MoMeNt

Pidgoen: i CrAdLeD yOu In My ArMs

gay: this is exactly why i won't tell you

Leifi Boi: Why do you two do that? What does "bonding moment" mean?

HunkyMonkey: ask keith

Pidgeon: or lance

Pidgeon: oh wait lance wouldn't remember

Pidgeon: now would he?

Shirowo: You two are devious.

HunkyMonkey: lance and i have been bros for like a million years i am legally required to make fun of him every chance i get

Vewwonica: wait i wanna make fun of him too

Mattematics: yeah i don't think i've ever actually heard this story

gay: don't you dare tell it

HunkyMonkey: i'm gonna tell it

Lancito: hunk no

Pidgeon: wait i wanna

HunkyMonkey: alrighttttt

Pidgeon: :)
Pidgeon: so we open on Arus, the planet we found the castle ship on

Lancito: wait please don't

gay: please

Pidgoen: so anYWAY we open on Arus,,,

gay: please pidge no

Pidgeon: suddenly i can't read

Lancito: pwease mr. pwesident,,,, i'll do anything

Pidgoen:.... anything?

Vewwonica: o h   m y   g o d

Lancito: anything

Pidgeon: then perish.

Vewwonica; gkjfsdlg;

Lancito: alright i low-key hate you rn for telling this story but pidge i love you so much <3 <3 <3

Pidgoen: </3

Lancito: you don't love me pidgey? not even a little?

Pidgoen: no.

Lancito: :'(

James: hahahaha bitch

Vewwonica: fuck off james

Pidgeon: yeah fuck off james

gay: fuck off asshole

Mattematics: get out of here bitch

James: i feel attacked

Shirowo: Good.

Lancito: hsgldjkfa

Lancito: thanks guys

Pidgeon: anyway, the story

gay: please pidge no

Pidgeon: so we're on Arus, right?

Pidgeon: we've just been thrown into space in a huge semi-sentient robot lion, to find a castle with a beautiful alien princess, a wacky old (?) man, and some space mice, then find /more/ semi-sentient robo lions, and be told we have to fight an evil army of purple furries.

Vewwonica: hm.

Pidgeon: and so we're all fairly shook, right? we've just fought our first battle and barely made it out alive, plus we like. don't know how to form voltron.

HunkyMonkey: and just to make things worse, sendak decides that was the best time to attack us

Pidgeon: he put like, a bomb in our castle, right on the crystal

Gorgeous Man: HERE COMES THE PART

James: ???

Pidgoen: and coran and lance are in the bridge at the time

Romellegant: suddenly i feel uneasy

Pidgeon: and the bomb goes off in there

Vewwonica: oh shit

Vewwonica: oh shit oh shit oh shitnjkgfdl

Lancito: v, you good?

Vewwonica: no i'm not good, my baby brother got blown up on the first day on the job, what the fuck?

Lancito: i'm alright now.

Vewwonica: but! what if you /weren't/?

Lancito: it just. be that way. we gotta deal with it

Pidgeon: anyway, before veronica has a breakdown, i'll move on so she can see he was alright

HunkyMOnkey: good idea

gay: or you could. not tell this story.

Pidgeon: oh i'm telling it

gay: shit

Pidgeon: so we all run over to find that lance, that fucking idiot, that fucking /idiot/

Pidgeon: had. had thrown himself onto coran, a relative stranger who he had just met and who was telling him he had to fight in an intergalactic war, without thinking. just fucking. saved his life. that absolute idiot

James: wh

Leifi Boi: That is brave of you, Lance.

Lancito: not really? it was reflex

Kink-aid: your reflex is to just casually save people's lives?

Gorgeous Man: LANCE I CANNOT EXPRESS MY GRATITUDE TO YOU, MY BOY.

Lancito: coran we've been over this, you don't have to thank me

Gorgeous Man: YES IT REALLY DO. THANK YOU LANCE.

Vewwonica: my little brother's a hero uwu

Pidgeon: yeah we been knew veronica

gay: it /was/ pretty brave

Lancito: .. you think so?

gay: yeah, i do.

Lancito:

3:39 pm

crunchy > salty

crunchy: hgufljdlksdgf he thinks i'm brave dhgjfdk;sjgdflks;dldlgj

salty: jesus fuck lance calm down

crunchy: but he thinks i'm bravejrdujthfgji;dkssfjkjslj

salty: hopeless, the both of you

3:41 pm

They Protec, They Attac

Pidgeon: so anyway,

Pidgeon: we fight sendak, blah blah blah, while lance is unconscious from being hit by a fucking /bOMB/

Pidgeon: and then sendak takes the bridge or whatever, i don't remember much of the fight except the ending and that he killed rover

Kink-aid: killed who?

Pidgeon: rover.

HunkyMonkey: i miss that little guy.

Shirowo: May he rest in piece.

Lancito: *pieceS

Pidgeon: lance don'y you DARE insult rover's memory

Lancito: sorry

Rizavi: sorry but whomst the fuck is rover

Vewwonica: "whomst the fuck" hfkgjdlf;s

HunkyMonkey: he was a little drone pidge programmed to work for us

Pidgeon: he was more than a drone

Pidgeon: rover was my /child/

Pidgeon: and now he's DEaD because of that bitch sendak

Pidgeon: but anyway no time to mourn i have people to embarrass

gay: noo

Pidgeon: so back in the bridge later on, shiro was fighting sendak with his laser robot hand, and sendak had him cornered, and he was gonna shoot our dad

Kink-aid: no not dad!

Shirowo: I'm?? Not your father.

Matthew: oh really cause you didn't seem to mind me calling you daddy last night

Lancito: kfgdjshlksfd

Vewwonica: sfhdgljkfsl

Kink-aid: hgjdklfks;

Shirowo left the chat!

Mattematics added takashi to the chat!

Mattematics changed takashi's name to Daddy

Pidgeon: i'm gonna pretend i didn't see that

gay: me too

Pidgeon: mOVING ON
Pidgeon: so shiro was abouta get shooted

gay: *shot

Pidgeon: SHOOTED
Pidgeon: and LAnce fucknig. fuckin. woke up out of his fucking coma that he got from fucking saving the fucking life of a fuckng stranger and fucking. fucking SHOT SENDAK'S ARM OFF. HE FUCKING WOKE UP FROM A FUCKING COMA TO FUCKING SHOOT FUCKING SENDAK'S FUCKING ARM THE FUCK OFF.

Kink-aid: that was a lot of fuckings for one message

Pidgeon:i use the fuck word to hide that i care about people

gay: oh mood

gay: not that i. actually. care about anything or anyone.

Lancito: okay, /edgelord/

Vewwonica: yeah but how the hell did lance just wake himself up from a coma? and aim? and? not miss?

Lancito: cause i'm the sharpshooter bitch

Vewwonica: oh my g o d enough with that stupid nickname it's been nine years lance

HunkyMonkey: wait what? you know the origin of the nickname?

Vewwonica: marco called him that /once/ when he won lasertag when he was ten

gay: why would you keep a nickname like that for nine years lance

Lancito: so it'd be like marco was there and like he was still proud of me

Vewwonica:

Vewwonica: oh.

Daddy: He is proud of you, Lance. We all are, Sharpshooter.

Lancito: shiro no i'm gonna cry

Pidgeon: but like,,,,, we're proud of thee, Lance

HunkyMonkey: rt

Mattematics: rt

gay: rt

Princess: "retweet"

Leifi Boi: Rt

Romellegant: rt

Rizavi: rt

Vewwonica; rt

Gorgeous Man: RETWEET

KInk-aid: rt

James: sure i guess

Kink-aid: James.

James: ugh

James: rt

Lancito: hjglfkds;a

Pidgeon: update: lance is now sobbing into my sheets

Pidgeon: and i just washed those, damn

gay: well this was nice but it looks like the story is completely over so why don't y'all go and get on with your lives

Lancito: bkjgdlfs; y'all

Rizavi: aaaaaand he's back

Pidgeon: and i have more story to tell so shut your fucking mouth /kogane/

gay: shit

Rizavi: this story is just brave, not embarrassing, what's the big deal?

HunkyMonkey: oh just you wait

gay: noooo

Lancito: please don't

Pidgeon: so where were we? oh yeah so,

Pidgeon: sendak was momentarily defeated. keith like. punched him? after lance shot his arm off. and so me and hunk are helping shiro and keith goes over to see if lance is okay, right? which was pretty cool of him i guess, considering they both "hated' one another then, and had that dumb rivalry and all the fights and shit

Kink-aid: why the fuck did you guys hate each other

Lancito: wELL leT ME TeLL YOU
Pidgeon: no time for that

Pidgeon: so keith is kneeling by lance's side to see if he's good. and like, obviously he isn't he was in a fuckiNG COMA, DID I MENTION THE COMA?

HunkyMonkey: yeah you may have mentioned it

Pidgeon: oh cool, so anyway keith is checking in on our favorite blue boy and for half a second they stopped pretending to hate each other. and keith asks all nicely if lance is okay

Leifi Boi: "blue boy"?

Pidgeon: and keith fucking. holds lance's hand, and fucking.

Pidgeon:; CrAdLeD hIm In HiS ArMs

Pidgeon: ,,,,and lance goes "we did it. we are a good team" and they both looked. so. soft? at each other and honestly it was a soft moment, alright? but then of course lance promptly passed out, you know how it be.

Vewwonica; aww this is? cute?

HunkyMonkey: it was so soft

Daddy: Yeah, it really was.

gay: /shiro/

Queen: It was a beautiful moment, and we thought maybe they would get over their differences.

Gorgeous Man: WE WERE WRONG. VERY WRONG.

Lancito: hslfgjdak coran

Rizavi: what happened?

James; how did the idiots screw it up

Pidgeon: when lance came out of the healing pod, all shiny and new, he had some understandably foggy memories about the hours around the time he was EXPLODED, rememBER THE EXPLOSION? I CANNOT STRESS IT ENOUGH

Pidgeon: and we were debriefing the dude, and keith said something like "i fucking punched sendak you idiot" after lance made some stupid comment about keith not doing much and keith goes,,,,

Pidgeon: he goes,,,,

HunkyMonkey: "We HaD a BoNdiNg MoMeNt!"

Pidgeon: "I cRaDlEd YoU iN mY aRmS!"

HunkyMonkey: and lance goes,,, he goes,,,

Pidgeon: "Nope! Don't remember! Didn't happen!"

Pidgeon: like a fucking dumbass

Lancito: i /don't/ remember

gay: bullshit

HunkyMonkey: keith is still super hurt and bitter because he thought it was gonna mean they could be friends but like lance is prolly actively suppressing it

Lancito: am not!

Pidgeon: likely story.

Leifi Boi: That was.... entertaining.

Vewwonica: it was definitely something

Mattematics: the whole thing is just,,,,, khgljdfs;ajlk

Mattematics: you know?

Daddy: No Matt, no one understands anything you say.

Mattematics: lance gets me

Lancito: <3 uwu uwu

Mattematics: uwu uwu <3

Pidgeon: disgusting

4:06 pm

Operation Klance

Pidgeon: i must disclose tho

Pidgeon: that was also highkey the moment keith realized he was super gay for lance and so he was extra scandalized by lance "forgetting" the bonding moment

HunkyMonkey: yeah lance "forgetting" was also his way of totally denying his feelings for keith

Pidgeon: oh totally

Mattematics: huh

Mattematics: they're fucking stupid

takashi: Amen.

Pidgoen: rt

HunkyMonkey: rt

4:20 pm

Badass Not-Boys

Queen: Romelle told me to say into this chat: "Four-twenty blazing."

Shorti: dfhsgjlk

Shorti: y'all wanna have a sleepover tonight

Mob Boss: fuck yeah

Lesbian: heeelllllll yeahhhh

Smarti: Sounds intriguing. I will be there.

Smarti: Who's room?

Queen: Romelle's already here, so why don't you come to mine?

Shorti: oh of course she is

Queen: Can it, Pidge.

Lesbian: owo what's this?

Shorti: veronica if you use that phrase in this chat ever again i'll kick you out

Lesbian: noted.

Queen: So my room? It's bigger anyway.

Mob Boss: it is?

Queen: Yes.

Shorti: she's literally a /princess/, rizavi

Mob Boss: oh yeah

Mob Boss: how's that going?

Queen: Well I still haven't found the rest of my people, who were presumed to be dead for the past thousand years.

Mob Boss; oh.

Lesbian: yikes.

Smarti: Anyway. I'll be there in five?

Shorti: sounds like a plan my dudes

Shorti: squad

Mob Boss: squad

Lesbian: squad

Smarti: squad

Queen: Squad.

Chapter Text

5:46 pm

They Protec, They Attac

Vewwonica: i'm gonna start counting and you all better be by the lions by the time i get to ten

Vewwonica: one

Kink-aid: rizavi and i are already by the yellow lion

Kink-aid: james is still pouting about having to go with keith

Vewwonica: ugh why can't you kids just get your shit together

Lancito: damn mom is rubbing off on you

Vewwonica: don't make me start with you, leandro.

Lancito: dhfsgkl

Vewwonica: two

Pidgeon: ina and i are in green, ready to go

Vewwonica: thank you for being functional

Leifi Boi: You got it.

Vewwonica: three

HunkyMonkey: i'm almost to the yellow lion

Vewwonica: thank you

Vewwonica: four

James: i think i've decided not to go

Vewwonica: james fucking griffin get your ass to the black lion right this fucking minute or i swear to god i'll skin you alive

James: ,,,,,n,,,,,,no thanks

Vewwonica: five

James:

James: i'll be there in two minutes

Vewwonica: that's better

Vewwonica: six

Lancito: i'm already in red, waiting for you, cap'n

Vewwonica: i can't believe you aren't my biggest problem today

Lancito: me neither

Vewwonica: seven

Vewwonica: okay keith?

gay: shiro and i have been in the lion for like an hour

Vewwonica: coolio

Vewwonica: eight.

Queen: Romelle, Coran, and I are all here in the Blue Lion, ready to go!

Vewwonica: wonderful

Vewwonica: nine

Vewwonica: james you better be on your way you fucker

James: jeez love you too

Vewwonica: <3 you better be there bitch <3

James: i am calm down

James: kogane let me in

gay: no thank you

Vewwonica: keith don't make me come down there

gay: no offense veronica

gay: but you don't scare me very much

gay: you used to, until i saw you eat a bowl of spaghetti off the floor

Vewwonica: that's fair

Vewwonica: but

Vewwonica: unless you let james in right this instant, i'll never give you my blessing

gay:

Lancito: blessing for what?

gay:

gay: nothing

gay: james get the fuck in here

Vewwonica: hm. :)

Lancito: what the fuck just happened

Lancito: blessing for what?

Vewwonica: nothing :)

gay: nothing, lance

Pidgeon: there isn't much to bless, they're already married remember?

Vewwonica: ???
Pidgeon: remember? lance said "marry me" and keith responded "sure"

Pidgeon: shiro gave his blessing and everything

Daddy: Lance has my infinite blessing to marry Keith. In fact, Lance I am begging you to marry him.

Lancito: ?? what why

Daddy: You're the only one who can keep him in check. I'm too tired.

Vewwonica: okay so they're married but i still got james in which means:

Vewwonica: ten

Vewwonica: okay guys

Vewwoinca: let's get this bread.

-----

"So, little bro." Veronica began, relaxing back against the side of the cockpit. Lance kept his eyes forward, pushing the lion out of the desert and towards home. "What's new with you?"

"Veronica, we live in the same facility. We are friends with the same people. It's all the same." He dodged an overhang, pulling up into the sky. Red purred beneath him, enjoying the ride after so long cooped up in the hangar. It was a short way to the house, which didn't help Lance's nerves. He knew it'd be fine, it had to be, but he still felt uneasy. He was essentially bringing both of his families together in one place-- his birth family and his chosen family, and he wanted nothing more than for them to get along.

"Kid. Kid. Lance." Veronica was saying, waving a manicured hand in front of his face as he almost flew straight into a boulder. He yanked the controls back, shooting upward with a lurch that had Red growling in excitement.

"You alright?" Veronica asked as he righted the lion. "This is going to be fine, you know. No need to worry your pants off, mister."

"Yeah, I know." He sighed, setting the lion on auto-pilot and leaning back in his chair, a hand carding restlessly through his hair. "I just want this to go well."

"You mean you want Mom to like Keith." Veronica corrected knowingly, smirking at her brother. "Don't think I don't see right through you, Lance."

"Shut up."

"Hmm." She leaned down to plant a kiss on the top pf her brother's head. "It'll be fine, Lance. Really."

"Yeah.... thanks Veronica." He tapped a finger against his chin in mock thought. "You know, you really do get more and more like Mom everyday. It's spooky."

"Oh please. Could Mom pull off an undercut?" She replied, lifting the curtain of her hair to show off said look, "I think not."

"Mom can do anything. I'm like eighty percent sure she has super powers and shit."

"God, you're such a momma's boy." Veronica flopped back down against the side wall, "Also, watch your mouth. You know Mom will cook you alive if you say something in front of the twins."

"Oh I can't wait to see them. And I still haven't seen baby Leo! He's named after me, legally I should have at least emt him by now." Lance cried, pounding his fist for emphasis.

"Well it's not like you could have seen him from space, idiot."

"Oh yeah, I forgot."

"Jesus Christ, Mom's right. You really are an imbecile." Veronica mused.

"What? Did dhe really say that?'

"Oh my god, Lance."

-----

"Turn up the heat."

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No-- Ow!" Keith took a hand off the controls to rub the back of his head where Shiro had flicked him. "What was that for?"

"Be nice Keith. James asked you to turn up the heat, please just do it."

Sighing, Keith did as his brother said with a grumbled, "I should have just stayed on the whale."

----

"And then she took Lance's lion." Hunk was saying, gesturing wildly as he told the story. The lion veered dangerously as his hands left the controls. "And so there Lance is, handcuffed to a tree, that doofus. Nyma just steals his lion and makes a break for it."

"What a bitch." Rizavi shook her head, laughing slightly. She's leaned against Kinkade, who is listening to the story in silence, a small smile playing at his lips.

"Not really. She's actually pretty nice, now that she's on our side." He pauses, a darker look passing his face. "Rolo though, I don't like that guy."

"Why?"

"I dunno... He just gives me a bad feeling." Hunk shrugs, turning back to the front.

"Well that doesn't change the fact that Lance should have been thinking with his head instead of his dick. I mean, all the signs were there that she was playing him." Kinkade spoke up, nodding sagely. Varadero was coming into view.

Something the paladins had all been a little shocked to discover was that Earth... wasn't that big. It would take three, maybe four vargas to make a lap around the surface, two if you were in Red. So a distance that had seemed infinite in the past-- from Arizona all the way to Cuba-- was a twenty minute ride now. It really put things in perspective, Hunk thought.

"Holy crap those waters are blue." Rizavi commented, pushing her nose up against the glass of the windshield. Or-- the Altean equivalent of glass.

"Yeah, and it's even prettier in the summertime. You really wouldn't want to go swimming there now though. The Gulf may be warm, but it's not that warm."

"Damn."

-----

"That wouldn't work! The engine would overheat." Pidge cried as they disembarked from their lion, Ina right behind them. "You'd need some kind of cooling apparatus if you were going to do that."

"What if you put in a vent? In the hull." Leifsdottir reasoned, tilting her head and looking around at the calm beach. Despite the time of year, the air was fairly warm here, with s light breeze running through that only made her shiver a little through her thin jacket. The sand crunched under her boots as she and Pidge made their way up the beach and away from the sound of the waves crashing against the beach and against Green's hind legs.

"Well.. I mean I guess that would work, but I don't see why you would be rerouting the main computer through the engine in the first place. I mean sure, it would give you more control of the system and make the stops and starts more automated, but it would fry the wires in no time." Pidge argued, "There's really no need to do that in the first place."

"It would make the controls more efficient. Think about it-- if you could connect the engine to the main controls more directly, it would respond quicker, it would run smoother, and the computer could run consistent diagnostics on the engines so you could catch malfunctions sooner."

"I disagree, I think-- Hey!" Pidge cried as Lacne popped up beside them and yanked their cap off their head. Well-- Lance's cap, which they had stolen out of his room when the castle blew up.

"Where did you get this? I've been looking all over for it!" He ran a hand over the faded embroidery, reading "Boston Penitentiary". His brother had gotten int as a souvenir for him when he'd visited New England. At first Lance had been pissed that all Marco had brought back for him was a hat form a goddamn prison, but it'd grown on him and he'd been pleased to find it in his back pocket when he'd first gotten in the lion. He liked to think it was a sign of Marco giving him good luck in his travels, even if it was just a stupid coincidence.

"Where are the others?" Ina asked as Pidge snatched the cap out of Lance's hand and settled it back on their head.

"Over there." Lance replied, gesturing loosely a little ways up the beach, where Yellow, Black, and Red were parked. He went to grab for the hat again but Pidge ducked, aiming an elbow at his stomach and forcing a small "oof!" from him, much to their satisfaction.

"Um. Not to be rude. But." Leifsdottir said slowly, "Aren't there... five lions?"

"Yeah, there's been a bit of a mix-up..."

-----

"Go left." Romelle instructed, eyes glued to the map in her hands, scrutinizing the layout.

"Left? Isn't that the direction we came from?" Allura asked unsurely, but did as Romelle instructed.

"I'm sure we'll be there in a jiffy!" Coran cried, smoothing his mustache worriedly. "Number Three said that his native town is by the ocean, and this is definitely the ocean, or so I am told." He peered out the window and down at the water below them, which stretched to the horizon on all sides.

"We just need to find some... Land!" Romelle shouted, jumping from her perch on the armrest of Allura's seat to get a better look at the island below. "Lance said that this 'Cuba' was an island, right? That's an island! We're here!"

"Thank Quiznak." Allura sighed, bringing blue down to land on the shore. The three hurried out of the ship, sure they were late, and found themselves to be completely alone. The area was grey, dark clouds passing lazily overhead and casting shadows across the bare land. It was empty, with a single person wandering back and forth across the shore ahead of them. They approached him.

He seemed to be a child, as far as Allura could tell, since he was so small. He had glasses and what Lance had told her was called a "crew cut", and was wearing a t-shirt reading, "World Cup 2012" in bright letters and large font.

"Greetings!" Romelle cried, leaning down a little to get closer to eye level. "Can you give us directions?"

The kid didn't respond, just stared.

"Excuse me, sir." Romelle began, and the kid looked up at them blankly. "Could you tell us if this is Varadero?"

"We are looking for the McClain residence," Coran supplied helpfully.

The kid stared for a moment longer before asking, "あなたは誰?"

Allura was starting to think that this was not the place.  

----- 

"Allura, can you hear me? Allura? Romelle? Coran? Anyone?" Shiro was saying into the comm in his hand as Pidge, Ina and Lance, triumphantly holding the cap high out of Pidge's reach, arrived.  

"They must be outside the lion and there's no reason for Allura to be wearing her helmet either." Hunk guessed, a worried look on his face. "Oh man, I can't believe we let them go on their own, the three aliens-" He paused, glancing at Keith before correcting himself, "-three of the aliens," Keith rolled his eyes, "on their own, on a planet they aren't familiar with. We should have sent Veronica with them, that would have made much more sense." 

"Damn. you're right." Veronica mused, "Well, now what?  

"Hold on- I think I can rig Green's scanners to find Blue. Then one of us can go get them."  

"I'll help." Ina and Hunk said at the same time. They looked at each other a moment, before Hunk shrugged and grabbed her hand, pulling her into the Green lion with him and Pidge. Shiro continued trying to get a hold of the Alteans over the comms while Veronica and Rizavi started chatting about the McClain family. Despite having been close friends for a few months now, Nadia had yet to meet the family. 

"I wish Matt were here to make jokes with me. I miss that kid." Lance sighed, coming up beside Keith, who was nestled into the sand, arms up around his knees. 

"Miss him? Lance you saw him this morning." Keith snorted, glancing over at him.  

"I can't help it. That kid gets me." He shrugged, then stopped a second, a thoughtful look crossing his face. "Though, you do too. Mostly. And like, in a different way, I guess. Huh." He shrugged again, seemingly letting it go, unaware of the fact that he'd just made Keith's entire fucking year.  

"Oh. Um." Was all he said, because he was just that smooth.  

But Lance wasn't paying attention, because Pidge had come hopping out of Green's jaw, a confused look on their face.  

"Japan," They said slowly, "Somehow, they are in fucking Japan."  

"How..." James started, but seemed to think better of it. He was starting to catch on-- when in Voltron, you have to just go with it. He'd given up on reason when it came to these people. 

"Who's gonna go get them?" Shiro asked, glancing around. "Not Lance-- he has to bring us to his family. Pidge, Hunk?" 

"I can." Hunk shrugged, "Rosa won't mind of I'm late."  

"You're on a first-name basis with Mama McClain?" Nadia asked, eyebrow raised. 

"Oh yeah. Rosa loves me. Says I do them all a favor for taking care of this dork," He hooked a thumb over his shoulder at Lance, who was building a sandcastle with Keith and who did not even look up, flipping his best friend the bird in silence as he perfected his northwest tower, "But really I'd be so lost without him." Hunk finished, smiling wide.  

"Aww. That was soft." Nadia cooed, grinning. 

"Yeah yeah, touchy-feely bullshit, blah blah blah." James muttered, flopping into Kinkade's lap. "Someone just go find the aliens." 

"I think it'd be better if you respected Hunk more, cadet," Shiro said lightly, but there was a warning undertone to his voice that made Griffin stiffen.  

"Y-Yes sir." James stuttered, even going so far as to salute. Veronica snorted and he stuck his tongue out at her. 

"Okay, I'll be back in like an hour," Hunk said before climbing into Yellow's waiting maw. The others watched him lift off into the sky, before slowly they all turned towards Veronica and Lance. 

"Alright." Lance said calmly, a sinister grin crawling across his face, "Prepare to become honorary McClains."

Chapter Text

The first thing Keith noticed after being swept into Lance's house was the noise. Never in his life had he experienced so... much of it, all at once. Mama McClain was fawning over all of them, Marco was in a heated debate with Pidge already, and Luis was just a loud person, it seemed. There were three? four? small children running around, one of which was a spitting image of Lance himself. The older two crashed right into their uncle, shouting things in Spanish so fast it made Keith's head spin. It was immensely endearing, watching Lance catch two speedy children and gather them up inn his arms, a smile so wide it looked like it hurt spreading across his features. Keith found a little voice in his head saying something along the lines of, what would he be like with his own kids? More specifically, his and yours? He tamped it down, watching Lance in silence as he carried the two on his back and moved to greet his other sister, Rachel. Keith hadn't met her yet, but he had a feeling he was going to like her as she laughed so hard she almost dropped her own kid when one of the twins put his finger in Lance's ear. Keith watched this all from his hiding spot in the corner, pressed close into the wooden door, unsure of how to proceed. He'd never really had a chance to be in a family situation like this one, nevermind be a guest in someone's home. Not like this. All the foster families had never made him feel so welcome, he'd always felt like an intruder, a burden, a stray cat. This place was so lived in, so warm, and Keith had absolutely no idea what to do with it. 

"Where is he?" Mama McClain was saying, eying all of the newcomers suspiciously. "Where?" 

"Where's who, Mamá?" Veronica asked, picking up a crying child. Keith guessed it was the baby, Leo.  "The boy." 

"Boy? Which boy?" Pidge asked, looking between all the male members of their party. "If you're looking for Hunk, he went to find the aliens." 

"No no, not Hunk. The boy." She shot Lance a meaningful look as she continued, "El novio de Lance. El chico que me dijo está tan lindo, con ojos morados y pelo negro y piel palida. El chico que Leandro ama." She petered out into a devious giggle, as Lance began turning red at an alarming rate. He put his niece and nephew down as he began to sputter, "Mamá! Stop it!" 

"Es verdad, no?" She cackled, sending a wink at her son. Keith, bewildered, watched in confusion. He didn't remember much Spanish, so all he'd caught were the words, "pretty," "boy," and "eyes." He would have paid more attention in class if he'd known he'd need it. Or that it could teach him what to say to make Lance look like that. You know, red really was his color.

"He's in the corner." Veronica piped up, and suddenly it became clear to Keith that they were talking about him, as all eyes turned to him. Kinkade snickered, leaning into James and smirking knowingly at him. Marco was eyeing him like a hawk. He cowered farther into the wall behind him.

"Oh?" Mama McClain said, eyes lighting up. "You were right, mijo, he really is pretty." She came closer, too close, putting her hand on Keith's chin to turn his head back and forth as if examining it. She smelled like honey and jasmine.

"Um." Keith tried, his voice coming out wobbly, "Hi?"

To his relief, Lance's mother laughed, full and bright, and let him go. "Hello, Keith. I've heard a lot about you."

"I'm... sorry?" What was he supposed to say to that? Why had she heard a lot about him?

"Oh, honey." She laughed again, eyes warm, "You're going to fit in just fine here. Just fine."

"O-Okay." He mumbled, looking to Shiro for help. The bastard was laughing, trying and failing to muffle it in his prosthetic hand. In fact, all his alleged "friends" were laughing at his discomfort. Jerks.

"Oh my god I love him." Rachel gushed, popping up beside her mother with a grin like a cat who'd gotten the cream. "You are just adorable. You look like an angry kitten!"

"I'm. Not a kitten." He stated, blanching a little.

"See, mullet?" Lance piped up from somewhere behind the two women, "Even after just meeting you they can tell you're a furry."

"Being part Galra doesn't make me a furry, Lance." He replied, edging away from Lance's mother and sister. Rachel was practically bouncing, eagerly muttering something incomprehensible under her breath.

"Keith!"

He turned and found Luis grabbing his arm, yanking him away from the women, a mischievous look on his face. He was exactly as Lance had described him; lanky and unbelievably tall, so that even Keith had to look up to meet his eyes. (Ever since he'd come back from the space whale, he'd been taller than Lance and the Cuban boy wouldn't shut up about it, constantly whining about the three inches Keith now had on him.)

"What's it like to be part Galra? Lance says you can do this weird thing with your eyes and you get fangs. That is so cool. Can you show me? Can you do it right now? How does it work? Where do the fangs go when you aren't using them? Why do your eyes turn yellow? Does it hurt? Can you lay eggs? Do you--" Luis continued, mouth moving a mile a minute. It made Keith's head spin.

"Alright alright, everyone get away from him." Lance came to the rescue, snatching Keith's arm away from his brother. He slid his hand into Keith's leaning over to whisper a soft, "you alright?" into his ear and giving his hand a little squeeze.

Keith looked down at their intertwined hands then back up at Lance's face, and felt a little smile cross his face.

-----

"How? How does this always happen?" Romelle cried indignantly, pushing her face into Allura's shoulder, "Why can't anything ever just go the way it's supposed to? Is Voltron cursed? Allura, you'd tell me if it were cursed, wouldn't you?" She looked up at the Princess, eyes wide.

"Of course I would."

"But it isn't, right?"

"No, Romelle," Allura reassured her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders, "We aren't cursed. The universe just... isn't sure what to do with us yet. But we'll figure it out. We always do. For now, we must wait for one of the Paladins to find us."

"I hate waiting." Romelle sighed, digging her toes into the wet sand. They were still on the same beach, which was apparently not Cuba, and no one had come for them yet. The little boy had wandered away twenty minutes ago, leaving the three aliens alone. Coran was messing about in the water not far off, his pant legs rolled up to his knees.

"It's freezing!" He informed them, wading closer to their spot on the beach, "I cannot feel my toes!" He seemed delighted by this fact, so Allura opted to let him be. Romelle, on the other hand was less optimistic, calling, "You're going to freeze to death! Apparently it happens all the time here! Hunk told me about a place called Antarctica, where no one can live cause it's so cold."

"I don't think this is Antarctica... is it?" Allura mused aloud, moving towards the water. She could see why Hunk and Lacne had been so enthusiastic about the water here on Earth-- it was beautiful. She'd never seen anything like it. sure, there was water all across th universe, it was the basis of all life after all, but Earth just had...so much of it. It reminded her of a place she used to visit with her mother when she was little, a lagoon on the far sidee of Altea, where the water was a pale pink and the sky tinted orange and grey flowers drifted across the gentle waves all day. She'd learned her first constellations there, made her first flower crown, had learned her mother was sick in that very meadow. It was a bittersweet place in her heart, but she'd give anything just to see it again.

"It could be Antarctica," Romelle reasoned, tugging on the Princess's arm. "how would we know?"

"I guess we wouldn't. But none of us have frozen yet." Allura pointed out as she dragged Romelle closer to the shore. "Let's go swimming."

"Swimming?! Allura you're in formal robes!"

"So?"

"So! You'll ruin them!" Romelle huffed.

"I'll just take them off then."

"You'll just--oh." Romelle fell short, her hand falling out of Allura's grasp. The Princess took the opportunity to begin removing her robes, taking off each piece and folding them with care. Shiro had said the Altean robes reminded him of Japanese kimono, what with their wide belts and many layers. Neither Romelle nor Allura knew what a kimono was, but they didn't ask.

Now Allura was in her underthings, and fairly modest ones at that, but Romelle couldn't look. She felt her face heat as she turned to stare farther up the beach at where their shoes lay side-by-side in the grey sand.

"Well?" The Princess said from behind her, "Let's go."

"Go?" Romelle asked, moving her head slightly to look at her from the corner of her eye. She made an effort not to look at the exposed skin of Allura's arms, her torso, her legs...

"Swimming." The Princess said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world, smiling a mischievous little smile.

"But. We're in the wrong place. We have to get back to the others."

"Oh, they'll find us eventually. Let's have some fun, Romelle." Something was odd about the way Allura moved her eyebrows while she said it, but Romelle couldn't quite place it. Her face turned a shade darker anyway, and she felt her resolve slipping.

Pull yourself together, she scolded herself, forcing herself to move away. Romelle took a step back towards the lion, closing her eyes to center herself. She couldn't just go swimming, with the princess, whenever she damn liked! Back on Altea, there had been rules about this kind of thing! It was considered indecent to see the person you hoped to court in any state of undress. Romelle never really had been one to follow the rules though... But that was beside the point.

"No, we can't just go swimming, Princess. We need to get to this 'Cuba' so we can meet Lance's family." She said firmly, proud when her voice came out even.

Allura frowned, looking at Romelle's back for a moment in thought before bending down to scoop up a handful of water. In a very lady-like and not at all childish move, she flung it at her friend.

"Allura!" Romelle squealed, as the water slid down the side of her face from where it'd hit, "I con't believe you've done this."

"Hmm." Allura pretended to think while Romelle tried to wipe the water from her face, "Whatcha gonna do about it?"

Romelle stilled, before squaring her shoulders and facing the Princess head-on. The look on her face was deadly as she took a step closer, then another and another until she was inches from Allura.

"This." She pushed the Princess backwards into the water, a laugh ripping through her.

"Oh you're gonna get it!"

------

"Okay, so I'm starting to understand why Lance is so loud." Pidge stated, crumbling into the couch beside Shiro. "This whole house is insane."

"Normally I'd say something to you about calling people insane but you're absolutely right." Shiro replied, laughing slightly. He'd spent the last twenty minutes in the middle of an argument about whether or not Ariana Grande was pregnant, which had ended with Luis throwing his drink in Rachel's face, saying something about how he "would not stand for this slander on our queen."

"I think Veronica is the most sane one here." Pidge continued, adjusting their glasses and pushing deeper into the cushions. They'd been overjoyed when Lance had introduced Pidge to his siblings as his "younger sibling slash diabolical genius slash meme pal", and even more delighted when everyone in the house had picked up the hint and used the proper pronouns. Even the kids, who called them "Unctie" in place of aunt or uncle. But it'd been an exhausting hour, between the shouting coming from the kitchen, the attention of four children, and watching Lance and Keith dance around each other while still holding hands, and Pidge wanted nothing more than to take a minute to themselves, just them and their laptop alone in their room, codes galore. He food was ready-- had been for half an hour now, but Mama McClain insisted they wait for Hunk to come back with the Alteans, who were still MIA.

"I don't know, Marco seems okay." Shiro shrugged, turning to look at the oldest McClain sibling, currently in a deep discussion with Kinkade and James about the weather.

"Are you serious?! Guy didn't know the difference between a hard drive and a flash drive!" Pidge looked affronted, shook down to their very core.

Shiro paused before saying slowly, carefully, "Pidge... I don't know the difference between a hard drive and a flash drive."

Pidge didn't say anything for a tense minute, mouth wide and eyes wider, as if they had learned they had given birth to an octopus. They stood, took one last hard look at their former team leader, then turned sharply on their heel before stomping away.

"What'd you do to make them that mad?" Ms. McClain asked, taking the newly vacated seat besides Shiro.

"I don't know the difference between a hard drive and a flash drive." He admitted with a laugh. Rosa made him feel at ease in a way no one else did-- she didn't see him as Shiro, War Veteran, or Shiro, Suffering from PTSD, or even Shiro, All-Around Dork. She saw him as Shiro. Just Shiro. It was refreshing.

"Oh dear. They were right to leave you." She said now, shaking her head as if she were ashamed of him. He rolled his eyes and she laughed, a loud, uninhibited sound that made her eyes crinkle in the corner and her tongue stick out a little. She had an amazing laugh.

"Shame on me, I guess."

"Yes, shame on you." She stood again, still smiling. "Wanna see something, Takashi?" There was another thing about Rosa that Shiro instantly liked-- she called him Takashi. Only Matt, Adam, and sometimes Keith called him that.

"I don't know, do I?"

"Oh, I think you do." Something about the grin she was giving him was intriguing. She motioned him down a hallway and he followed uneasily, unsure what she was getting at. Rosa opened a door, the last on one the right, before stepping aside with a flourish. Shiro stepped into the room, eyes sweeping across it. It was immediately apparent whose room he was standing in by the posters plastered across the blue walls, depicting spaceships and constellations; by the folded blue quilt and the planets hanging from the ceiling, which was itself adorned with glow-in-the-dark stars; by the pictures pinned to the walls of Lance and Hunk growing up. But most interesting of all was the oversized poster of Shiro hanging above Lance's bed. It was something Shiro had sone before Kerberos, a shot of him in his spacesuit with the words, "The Final Frontier-- Join the Garrison Space Exploration Today and Change the World" in bold font. In the photo he was smiling, happy, and with two whole-ass arms. He turned to Rosa with a sad smile. "What's that doing here?"

"Shiro," She began, "You know you were, maybe still are, Lance's hero, right?"

Shiro paused. While it'd always been obvious Lance respected him, Shiro had never considered he could be Lance's hero. He didn't know why he would be, but it was flattering all the same. To think that he had an impact on Lance growing up was odd-- he'd hardly known him, except seeing him in his class (and of course hearing Kieth complain day in and day out about how annoying Lance was). He'd always had a soft spot fr the boy, because one-- Lance was passionate about space and it'd been amazing to see, and two-- anyone who could get Keith's attention was automatically good in Shiro's book. Keith had had some issues opening up as a kid, especially in the beginning. He would hardly speak to Shiro, nevermind the rest of the kids, and seeing Keith get so riled up was a rare insight into the kid's personality. Shiro smiled at Rosa.

"I didn't know that."

Mama McClain laughed, "He was practically in love with you, honey. Don't ever tell him I said this, but I'm eighty percent sure you were his bisexual awakening."

Shiro sputtered for a second, opening his mouth to refute this, but was cut off as Veronica catapulted into the room out of breath and obviously excited.

"Mamá!" She cried, leaning on the door way and huffing, "Rachel me dijo que tienes un novio. Es verdad? Mamá! Dime!"

Rosa paled for a moment, confusing Shiro further. He couldn't understand Spanish, so he had no idea what was going on. From the look on Veronica's face though it must be interesting. Rosa rolled her eyes before replying in fast Spanish the Shiro couldn't catch, pushing her daughter out the door as she did so and following her down the hall. Shiro took one last look around the room before stepping out, closing the door behind him.

------

"Why are you all wet?" Hunk demanded as he led the three Alteans back towards the lions. He'd landed to find the two girls cuddled on the sand and Coran passed out somewhere behind the blue lion, smelling suspiciously like nunvil. He'd woken up still drunk and was currently petting Hunk's hair. Romelle and Allura were holding hands, Hunk noticed, but he didn't comment on it. They both seemed content, and every time they made eye contact, they both looked away quickly, red-faced. Hunk had a feeling there was tea to be spilled. All in due time though, he thought as they arrived back at the lions. It was decided that Romelle would go with Allura and Coran with Hunk, and Allura would be very careful to follow Hunk this time so as no to get lost again.

"That's a good Klanmurl," Coran muttered lazily.

And with that, they headed back.

-------------

Chapter Text

7:13pm

Let’s Go Lesbians

In Love With Romelle: Paladins

Lanceypants: there you are

Lanceypants: where did you /go/

In Love With Romelle: Hunk said it is called a “Japan.”

Lanceypants: okay but

Lanceypants: h o w

In Love With Romelle: Romelle says to type: “`\(*-*)/`”

Pidgeon: sgfdjnklfsfla;

Kogayne: why are you in this chat what happened to the other one?

In Love With Romelle: Ah yes.

Lanceypants: ???
Pidgeon: ,,,, tea?

In Love With Romelle: “Tea.”

Pidgeon: spill

Kogayne: now

Lanceypants: what he said

In Love With Romelle: Romelle and I… Well.

Kogayne: you what

In Love With Romelle: We kissed.

Pidgeon: KJGFLDSD;DGJLHFKLS????

Lanceypants: DHLGFJLSFSLFGSKJGNFJKGFNJKGFNJFGKNJKSLJDFNGIUREOWJNASC

Kogayne: awesome

Lanceypants: “awesome”? what does that mean

Kogayne: it means i’m happy for them?

Lanceypants: oh look he /does./ have emotions other than rage

Kogayne: ha ha ha

Pidgeon: stop flirting i want to hear allura’s story

Lanceypants: we

Lanceypants: we weren’t flirting

Lanceypants: right keith?

Kogayne:

Kogayne: speak for yourself

Pidgeon: OWO WHAT”S THIS
In Love With Romelle: Hm.

Lanceypants:

Lanceypants: w

Lanceypants: hwat

Kogayne: anyway allura how’d it happen

In Love With Romelle: Well we decided to go swimming. In the ocean. And we were splashing around, and laughing. It was very nice. She makes me feel very comfortable.

Kogayne: that’s good

Pidgeon: being comfortable with someone is very important for a relationship

Kogayne: true

Lanceypants: wait wiat WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT

Kogayne: what

Pidgeon: yeah lance, what

Lanceypants: what do you MEAN, “what”

Kogayne: i mean what

Lanceypants: You SAID
Pigeon: he said what, lance

Pidgeon: c’mon, use your words

Pidgeon: you can do it, you’re a big boy

Lanceypants: you sAID

Kogayne: said what, cargo pilot?

Lanceypants: s t o p

Kogayne: hmm

Kogayne: no thanks

Pidgeon:; i am l i v i n g for this

Lanceypants: n,,o,,,,, sto,,p

Kogayne: but i can see you from across the living room and your face is the color of a fucknig tomato

Kogayne: it’s cute

Lanceypants: i,,,m i'm not

Kogayne: agree to disagree

In Love With Romelle: I am thoroughly enjoying this turn of events.
Pidgeon: me too

Pidgeon: hey wait where’s hunk isn’t he in this chat too

In Love With Romelle: He is piloting the yellow lion.

Pidgeon: cool

Kogayne: wait

In Love With Romelle: Yes?

Kogayne: shouldn’t you…. be driving… too?

In Love With Romelle:

In Love With Romelle: I have to go now, for completely unrelated reasons. I will see you all soon.

Pidgeon: jkdnfsg.l

7:24 pm

Veri Berry > lil Bro

Veri Berry: you good?

Veri Berry: you’re all red

Veri Berry: marco asked me if you had gotten a really bad sunburn in space

Veri Berry: seriously, you good?

Veri Berry: lance?

Lil Bro sent two (2) screenshots!

Veri Berry: oooohhhhh shit

Veri Berry: he

Veri Berry: i am /living/ for this

lil Bro: stop help me pleASE

lil Bro: he's not allowed to

lil Bro: he can't

lil Bro: he can't just

lil Bro: hhhhhhhhhhh

Veri Berry: hmmmmm

Veri Berry: let me be the first to say,

Veri Berry: i love this it's so fucking funny to watch you lose your shit

Veri Berry: like,,,, dude

Veri Berry: you got it bad

lil Bro: veronica! you're not helping!

lil Bro: but,,, like,,,,, yeah. i really do

lil Bro: i like him a,,, lot

Veri Berry: oh really? I'd never guess

lil Bro: fuck you

Veri Berry: hmm

Veri Berry: mom wants you to set the table

lil Bro: k

lil Bro: be there in a second

7:25 pm

gane > holt

gane: that was scary as fuck

gane: did i do it right

gane: please tell me i'm doing it right

holt: geez why am i your flirting coach

gane: cause you're my best friend and you're weirdly good at flirting

holt: ...i'm your best friend?

gane: other than lance, yeah

holt: what is this gross happiness i don't like it make it stop

holt: i liked it better when i was a robot

gane: ???
holt: cold and unfeeling, stronger than humanity

gane: weird flex but okay

holt: you did not

gane: i,,, did

holt: you're spending too much time with lance

holt: oh god where did my cryptid buddy go

gane: calm down i'm still keith kogane

holt: *koGAYne

gane: tru

holt changed gane's name to gayne

holt: that's better.

gayne: but like

gayne: look at him

gayne: is that good

holt; yes keith it's good

gayne: so i'm doing okay?

holt: yes you're doing fine

gayne: are you sure

holt: oh my fucking god

gayne: sorry sorry

gayne: i just really don't want to fuck this up

holt: then just tell him that

gayne: talk about my feelings outright? pidge who the fuck do you think you're talking to

holt: oh mood

holt: idk man, just relax

holt: at this point i don't think you could possibly mess it up

gayne: what the fuck does that mean

holt: nothing, you oblivious fuck

gayne: rude

holt: :P
gayne: blocked

holt: wait unblock me

gayne: .... unblocked

holt: bitch

gayne: Pidgeon Katherine Elizabeth Holt i fucking love you

holt: weird flex but okay

gayne: hey wait you just went off at me for saying that

holt: because it's un-keith-like

holt: it's in character for me

gayne: ...

gayne: weird flex but okay

holt: fuck you

----

"And then tío Lance said, 'Why don't you pick on someone your own size?' and he punched the guy!" Sylvio was saying, bouncing eagerly in James's lap. Nadia was pressed up against his side as well, halfway in Kinkade's lap beside him.

"Right in the face!" Nadia added emphatically, nodding her head and grinning.

"That's very... brave of him." James conceded, smiling a little. He didn't like kids, but it was hard to resist those eyes. Plus Kinkade kept giving him this fond-ass look every time he laughed at one of Nadia's jokes, and there was no way he'd pass up on that.

Things had been good-- great-- between them lately, and James was loving it. He loved seeing a new side of Kinkade, seeing him laugh, seeing him smile. Kinkade had officially moved into his room with him three weeks ago, and it was amazing, waking up next to him. Sure, Nadia and Veronica teased them mercilessly, and even Ina threw over a taunt every once in a while, but it was worth it. So worth it.

"Tío Lance is the bravest person in the world." Sylvio boasted, a smug smile on his face.

"No. Tío Lance's new friend is braverest." Nadia argued, pointing across the living room to where Keith was talking to Pidge and Rachel.

"But his hair is like a girl's." Sylvio countered, putting his hands on his hips. James couldn't help but notice that it was a very Lance-like action. He made a note to make fun of the older boy for that later.

(He'd deny it if ever asked, but he enjoyed Lance's company. But you didn't hear it from me.)

"So?" Nadia was saying, glaring at her brother. "What's wrong with girls?"

"They have cooties." Sylvio replied haughtily, tipping his nose in the air in disgust.

"No they don't! Boys have cooties!"

"Nu-uh!"

"Yeah-huh!"

"Nu- uh!"

"Yeah-uh!" Nadia cried adamantly, then turned to James. "Boys have cooties, right?" She stopped herself, a look of horror crossing her face-- "Wait, do you have cooties?" She looked worriedly back and forth between James and Kinkade.