Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“God Damn it Deku, you piece of shit!”

He hisses softly and rubs at his back. The pain isn’t too bad. More just startling than anything. He huffs and looks up to see the man they’d been chasing passed out just a few feet away.

At least they had caught the villain. They’d gotten hit by the assholes quirk before doing so, but eh…

…semantics.

The villain went by the name Scarred Memories. His quirk involved shooting kisses that turned into stupid looking red glittery beams of lights at his opponents. If the beam hit it’s intended target then opened wounds would begin to appear on the person’s back. The wounds always took the form of words, phrases, and sentences that supposedly had been said to the target in the past. Words that had hurt them in some manner. Within twenty-four hours of the attack the wounds would scab over and begin to scar, but so far nobody knew how to make the scars go away. Some estimated they would vanish on their own, some were set on using medical science to make them go away, others figured they were permanent.

It’s kind of made since that the scars from the quirk were permanent. His stupid slogan was, “Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will scar forever.” He’d then laugh this stupid nasally laugh and run off before help could arrive.

Or… at least until now.

Katsuki huffed and glared at the villain. For someone who was supposedly so good at escaping he hadn’t been much of a challenge.

Being that most of Scarred Memories attacks had occurred around U.A. the school had decided to test its Hero Course students by sending them in groups to search for the villain. A good little real would experience right in their own backyard. How lucky.

He of course had gotten grouped with stupid Deku of all people.

They’d both gotten hit with the fucked-up kissing beam (Deku’s fault), but hey they’d managed to knock the villain so props to them.

Speaking of stupid Deku.

“Hey Deku, you piece of shit. Are you listening to me?”

He takes his eyes off the villain for a second to look back at were he knows the other boy should be, and is surprised to find Deku slumped over passed out on the concrete.

“Are you fucking kidding me right now?!”

He makes sure to keep one eye on the villain, even though he doubts the man will be waking anytime soon, and makes his way over to his … partner. His back stings a bit as he moves, new wounds being pulled.

It’s nothing he can’t handle.

“Deku you piece of shit. Wake the fuck up!”

The other boy doesn’t even twitch. He kneels down and grabs the other boy’s shoulder ready to shake him.

“Hey! Useless nerd! What the hell-”

It’s wet.

No.

Soaked.

The entire back of the other boy’s uniform is soaked in blood.

“D-deku?”

---

He can’t stop staring. He wants to. Fuck does he want to, but he can’t look away.

He should be celebrating. Hell, they should both be celebrating. They caught the villain. They’d saved the day.

He has five new scars on his back. Recovery Girl had used a mirror to show them to him. He hadn’t been to surprised to see the words “failure,” and “not good enough,” slashed across his lower back. He had the the words “villain” and “bully” carved onto each of his shoulder blades, and then lastly “Kacchan” stretched across the middle of his back. By the way the letters looked shaky, especially comparative to the neatness of the other scars he was pretty sure it was the way that last one was said haunted him more than the actual word itself.

Five new scars.

It was nothing compared to Deku. He didn’t even know where to start with Deku’s scars. There were just… just…

… just so fucking many of them.

Deku was laid out on the small bed on his stomach wearing nothing but a pair of shorts that Recovery Girl had forced Katsuki to help her change him into. They’d managed to clean the blood from his body and stop a majority of the bleeding, but… fuck!

Even Recovery Girl seemed to be at a slight loss. Her kisses had no affects on the wounds. All they could do was put some medicine on them, bandage them (which Recovery Girl was still trying to decide the best route to go about this), and hope for the best.

Hope for the fucking best. He didn’t know what the best could be in this situation. There was just so fucking many scars.

He didn’t even think it was possible to count them.

The words and phrases carved into Deku’s back just seemed endless. Words on top of words. Phrases on top of phrases. Sentences on top of sentences.

The boys back was more wound then skin at the point.

But the worst.

The absolute fucking worst was that he recognized most of these words.

These words had come from his mouth. Not all but…

He’d done this.

He knew he’d never been exactly nice to Deku. He knew he’d pushed the boy farther than he should, but to see it all laid out before him.

And the boy had just continued to smile. Continued to follow his fucking dreams.

How the fuck does someone smile with this many scars!?!

He presses his fist to his eyes and tries to will away the tears threatening to fall.

Fuck.

He looks back to the shorter boy. Looks back at all the hate now carved into innocent flesh.

Out of the mass of never-ending pain three scars stick out like hateful beacons.

The first is the word “Quirkless” written in giant letters fully across the other’s shoulder blades. The second not surprising is “DEKU” written in giant bold letters starting from the boys left shoulder blade and stretching out all the way to the boy’s right hip. The letters themselves look like someone had taken a pair of safety scissors and just repeatedly carved the letters over and over again. The little bit of flesh still intact around the letters has turned a deep ugly bruised purple. The “D” and “U” have scabbed up like most of the other wounds, but the “E” and “K” still continue to bleed sluggishly.  

The last wound that stands out is much smaller than the other two. It was a sentence, written across the back of the boy’s neck like it was trying to physically choke him from behind. Comparative to some of the other scars it actually didn’t look that bad. Recovery Girl and him had almost missed the sentence due to Deku’s mop of unruly curls covering a majority of the words.

He knows its there now. He stares at the one sentence.

He can’t stop staring.

“If you think you’ll have a quirk in you next life… go take a swan dive off the roof!!”

Katsuki drops his head onto the bed and cries.

Chapter Text

The nerd was embarrassed.

Katsuki had expected tears. Maybe even some anger.

But no.

He was just fucking embarrassed!

And not in the “oh, no now everybody will know I’ve had some awful shit to said to me. Fuck, please don’t think of me different” sort of way, but in the “I’m sorry for being a bother and taking up your time. Haha oops silly me” sort of way.

And.

AND!

He was FUCKING APOLOGIZING.

Deku’s back looked like something from a slasher film and the idiot was smiling at them embarrassed and apologizing.

Like seriously how could the nerd even-

“Oh!”

He looks over to see a look of realization on the nerd’s face. Maybe he-

“Kacchan! You got hit too. Are you okay?”

Motherfu-

“Are you fucking kidding me right now?!”

Deku just blinks back at him confused.

Katsuki wants to punch him. He really, really does.

He won’t.

But damn if he doesn’t want too.

It’s not like Deku doesn’t know about the disaster that was his back. They’d shown him. Recovery Girl had felt it would be best to show him the damage as soon as possible. The words were Deku’s secret, not theirs. He had the right to know.

But she also needed to wrap the wounds. It took twenty-four hours for the wounds to fully ‘heal’ themselves into what could be permanent scars. She wanted to keep them bandaged until then. She wanted to get this done before Deku woke up. She’d said something about minimizing the pain that way.

So she’d had him take pictures.

She’d had him take fucking pictures using his phone.

Different angles. Close ups. Distance shots. Every. Single. Fucking. Word. Sentence. Phrase. Documented on his phone.

He had a good feeling she knew most of those words had come from his mouth.

Then when Deku had finally woken up and become coherent enough to ask questions she’d had him show the idiot. She had him hold the phone so Deku could see, and scroll through every fucking last picture like he was telling Deku some fucked up bed time story.

When he got to the last picture. A close-up of the back of the boy’s neck. A close-up of that god-awful sentence, Deku had asked if the words were permanent.

Recovery Girl didn’t have an answer.

Katsuki had been sure the nerd was going to cry.

In all honestly, he felt like the nerd should cry.

Fuck, he’d cried.

Deku didn’t cry.

He just nodded and started apologizing. Started acting embarrassed.

And now they were here.

Fuck.

“Kacchan?”

He wants to strangle this nerd. He wants to shake him until this dumb fucking idiot realizes that his back is literally covered in Katsuki’s words.

He wants… he wants…

He sighs, stands, turns, and lifts his shirt. He hears the idiot gasp.

“Ka-eh?”

He drops his shirt and sits back down.

“You can call me Kacchan stupid.”

“But… but your back… it says-”

“I know what it says and I’m saying it’s not what you think.”

“But-”

“Shut up, Deku!”

Deku snaps his mouth shut. Katsuki presses his hands to his face.

He just can’t deal with this right now. He needs to deal with this right now. He can’t deal with this right now.

“Who called you a villain?”

He looks back at the nerd, because… really…

The nerd looks determined. Like once he knew who called Katsuki a villain he was going to go find them, give them a stern talking to, and then beat the shit out of every one of Katsuki’s unhappy feelings.

… there was something seriously fucking wrong with this nerd.

“Deku,” he begins because apparently like always things have to spelled out to the stupid shitty faced idiot. “You do realize that you literally look like you’ve been thrown into a meat grinder, right?” He gestures to the bloody bandages. “You do realize that the things I FUCKING TOLD YOU ARE WRITTEN ON YOUR GOD DAMN BODY!?!”

Deku doesn’t even seem startled by his yelling he just… he just…

He just fucking smiles.

“Oh that,” he gestures weakly to his back as well. “Those are all in the past Kacchan. They don’t bother me anymore. I mean at one time they did, but I… well you heard Recovery Girl. In a few hours the wounds will heal and I mean… they’ll scar but I already have a lot of scars so what’s a few more, yea?”

And then somehow the idiot smiles wider.

He’s just fucking smiling!

Katsuki looks back at the bloody bandages. Thinks about the pictures still on his phone. Thinks about how his own wounds had stopped bleeding a long, long time ago.

He stands.

“You’re a horrible liar Deku.”

And then he leaves.

He can’t deal with this right now.

He needs to sleep.

He needs to eat.

He needs to think.

And then…

Then he’s going to fucking fix this.

Chapter Text

The next day the stupid nerd shows up to class.

Katsuki takes one look at him and knows the wounds have yet to completely heal. His shoulders are too tense. His face too pale. His walk slightly off. Even his smile looks a little to tight.

He should be back in the infirmary or even in his All Might sanctuary of a dorm room resting, but no… the idiot is here. Smiling and saying good morning to their classmates like his entire world wasn’t changed in the blink of an eye last night.

Katsuki still wants to punch him.

Actually, he really wants to set off an explosion right in the stupid idiot’s face, but Kirishima had said he couldn’t go a week without exploding someone outside of battle situations, and damn if he didn’t want to prove him wrong.

So, for now… he wanted to punch this nerd.

Their classmates congratulate Deku for the villain capture last night.

That’s the other thing. They all seem to know about what happened last night. They all somehow knew that both Deku and him had been hit by the fucker’s red glitter beam of nightmares.

None of them ask Deku about his back. A few of them eye the bandages peaking out above his shirt collar, but none ask. Katsuki takes this as a blessing, because he is not prepared to watch Deku fumble his way through some sort of answer this early in the morning.

“Good Morning Kacchan!”

He grunts.

The nerd takes his seat. He swears he can hear the other boy hiss out in pain.

Today’s going to be a long fucking day.

---

Deku has apparently been banned from any strenuous activities for the day.

Katsuki considers this a blessing.

Katsuki was not banned from strenuous activities for the day.

Katsuki also considered this a blessing because fuck did he really need to blow somethings (and or people) up.

This also meant that Deku didn’t have to change in the locker room today. Another fucking blessing. He wasn’t really sure how the others were going to react to the site of Deku’s back but… it was going to be pretty that much he was sure.

But that also meant that he did have to change in the locker room, which you know usually isn’t a problem because you know, usually everybody wasn’t fucking staring at him waiting for him to take his fucking shirt off.

He considers finding a more private area, but immediately trashes that idea. He’s never been a wuss and he sure as hell isn’t going to start now. He rips off his clothes not caring about the eyes watching his every move. Not caring about the few gasps he hears.

He doesn’t fucking care. He’s just going to focus on changing.

“You know,” Stupid Annoying Grape pipes up. “It sure is weird the Midoriya isn’t allowed to participate today.”

There’s silence for a few seconds before glasses agrees and looks towards Katsuki.

Fuck.

“Did Midoriya get hurt any other way last night? I know you both got hit by the villain’s quirk but-”

“Yea,” Diaper Grape interrupts. “I mean does Midoriya even have any scars. He’s always so happy. What kind burdens could he have? I bet he’s just faking an injury or something.”

Katsuki slams his locker shut. He can feel the heat in his hands. He glares at the two of them and then storms his way out of the locker room. He needs to blow something up. Particularly, something grape like.

“Hey! Bakubro wait up!”

He slows down enough to let Shitty Hair catch up.

“What?”

Kirishima laughs and gives him a nervous smile.

“Well it’s just that uh-”

Fuck, now he looks sad.

“… it’s just uh.”

Kirishima gestures to his back.

FUUUUCK. Not now. He can’t do this now.

“It’s just… who told you that you’re not good enough?”

The shark toothed punk sounds both angry and upset, and honestly if there was anyone he’d be willing to have this chat with it would be Kirishima (and maybe Deku), but he can’t right now. He only has so many emotions he can deal with in a day and right now his plan involves using them later.

So, he just can’t right now.

He needs them for later.

He doesn’t want to leave Kirishima hanging though. He doesn’t want to lie either. He decides to answer with the simplified truth.

“I did.”

And now to quickly make his way to the training field. He knows Kirishima will want to talk about this later… hopefully way, way later… but for now… for now he needs to go blow up a fucking grape.

---

“Uh Kacchan?”

He looks up to see Deku standing uncertainly in his door way.

“I uh… I got your note… at least I think it’s from you?”

The nerd holds up a piece of paper. The edges are slightly burnt, but the words are still visible.

Shitty Nerd come to my room at 9pm. If you don’t, I’ll hunt you down myself.

Short, sweet, to the point. Just as Katsuki liked it.

“Yea, that was me. Come in, shut the door, we need to talk.”

The nerd looks at him confused, but does as he’s told.

Good.

He then proceeds to come over and sit on Katsuki’s bed right next to him.

Not good. Bad nerd.

“So, what do you want to talk about?”

He decides to ignore the bed thing for now. He has more important things to focus on.

“The scars.”

“The scars? What about them? If this is about what’s written I already told you that I’m fin- ”

“Don’t lie to me Deku!”

He glares at the idiot. The idiot clamps his mouth shut and glares back… or at least tries too. The nerd honestly looks more constipated than anything.

He shakes his head. He’s getting off topic.

“Deku, what did you say to me this morning?”

“Huh? Uh I don’t-”

“What did you fucking say to me this morning? This isn’t a trick question. It’s the same thing you say every god damn morning.”

“Uh… you mean good morning?”

“Good morning what?”

“Good morning Kacchan?”

“Yes! Exactly! Every fucking morning.”

“Kacchan… I’m confused as to what me saying good morning… WAIT! Is that why you have Kacchan on your-”

Katsuki shoves his hand into the nerd’s stupid confused/panicked face to shut him up. Deku flinches but goes silent.

Good.

Katsuki drops his hand.

“Stop jumping to conclusions Shitty Face. I’m about to say some shit, and your going to sit their quietly and listen. Got it?”

Deku makes a show of shifting himself so he’s fully facing, makes a lip zipping motion, places his hands into his lap, and nods like an eager curious puppy.

What a fucking nerd.

“Alright, good.”

He takes a deep breath. He can do this.

“So, uh like I was saying everyday god damn day you say good morning to me. I mean in middle school you didn’t say it every day, but in elementary school I can’t think of a single day you didn’t great me with a good morning… well, except that one week you were absent … apparently you were sick or something.”

He pauses glancing over to see Deku’s reaction. The other boy has his head tilted slightly as he stares off lost in thought before nodding and looking back to Katsuki.

“I remember that week. I had caught the flu. I… I remember you yelling at me a lot when I came back…”

“Yea, because I was mad.”

“Well, yea I got that but-”

“I was mad because for an entire week you weren’t around to say good morning to me.”

He looks away from the nerds shocked expression and reaches up to tug a bit at his own hair.

He can do this.

“Of course, other fuckers would say good morning, but you… you’re the only one that ever sounds like you actually mean it. Everybody else just sounds like their tired… just going through the motions, but you… you always smile when you say it. Like your happy to see me or some shit and that… you just, you make it sound like it really is a good morning.”

“Even in middle school when you didn’t say it everyday on the days you did … I know it’s stupid, but I always thought that those days were better. It was like once I heard you say good morning I knew that it was going to be a great fucking day.”

“And then when we got into U.A. I… I was so fucking mad at you but… at the same time I was relieved because you were something familiar and… that you being here meant that I get to keep hearing you say good morning and therefore I could keep having great fucking days and…”

“K-kacchan?”

He looks up to see tears dripping down the nerd’s cheeks.

Fuck.

His vision blurs.

Double fuck.

“Kacchan… I appreciate you telling me this but I … I don’t understand why… I…”

“It’s because back in middle school I said something I shouldn’t have said. I mean I’ve said a lot of shit I shouldn’t have but…”

He reaches out and gently rubs his fingers against the scar curled across the back of Deku’s neck. He’s pleased to find the bandages long gone. He’s even more pleased that other boy doesn’t flinch away.

“I … I told you to go kill yourself…”

“Kacchan you know I would never actually-”

“THAT DOESN’T MATTER DEKU!”

He yanks his hand away before he accidentally does something he may regret.

“IT DOESN’T MATTER THAT YOU WOULD NEVER DO IT WHAT MATTERS IS THAT I FUCKING SAID THAT AND THAT I SHOULDN’T HAVE AND I JUST,” he pauses to take a few shaky deep breaths in an attempt to calm himself before looking up and making eye-contact with familiar teary green eyes. “I… I need you to understand something Deku… even if you never would… kill yourself like that… some times watching you fight I just… sometimes I feel you’re a bigger threat to yourself than the damn villains and it… it pisses me off and I just… I know given the futures we’re both working towards that I can’t make you promise to always be there but… I just…”

“I need you to understand Deku that if you weren’t around I… I would miss you. I’d miss your stupid fucking smiles and your stupid fucking good morning and all the other stupid fucking nerdy shit you do and … and what’s the point of being number one if you’re not around to actually fucking make it a challenge for me… and I just …I’m sorry.”

He gasps choking on his own sobs and tries to rub the tears from his face.

“I’m so fucking sorry.”

His vision is suddenly taken by a forest of green as strong arms come to wrap around him and firm weight settles in his lap. He can feel tears that aren’t his own start to soak into his right shoulder.

He should push the nerd away. He should-

“I’d miss you too Kacchan.”

He wraps his own arms around the other boy and tugs him closer. He reaches up to rub his thumb against the back of the nerd’s neck.

He’s swears the scars feel flatter now.

He buries his head into the tangled mess that is Deku’s hair and for the second time in the past two days let’s himself cry.

Chapter Text

“Kacchan, can I put my shirt back on now?”

“No, now shut it!”

He holds his phone up and takes another shot. Swipe. Check. Back. Zoom. Click. Repeat.

“Kaaacchan.”

“FOR FUCKS SAKE DEKU! IT HASN’T EVEN BEEN ONE MINUTE! STOP COMPLAINING!”

“But Kacchan-”

“QUIET!”

He sighs and attempts to reel in his anger before he accidentally blows up his own phone. Wouldn’t be the first. Probably won’t be the last. If he breaks it though then he’ll have to talk to the old hag about getting a new one, and that’s just not something he can’t deal with right now. Dealing with Deku so early in the morning is enough to grate on the little bit of patients he has.

He holds his phone up to take another picture of Deku’s uncovered back.

“Hold your hair up. I can’t get all of your neck.”

Deku peaks back at him before reaching with one hand to hold his hair out of the way. The other he keeps tight against his chest holding his shirt in place like the dainty little Deku he is. He’d call him a princess, but he’s pretty sure that would be an insult to princesses everywhere.

He takes the last shot before dropping his phone onto his bed, picking up a roll of bandages, and moving over to Deku. Deku tenses a bit at his touch, but doesn’t jerk away. Just obediently holds his arms up and lets Katsuki re-wrap the ‘healing’ wounds.

“Why are you doing this Kacchan? You know you don’t need to do this. I already told you yesterday that it’s okay. ”

“One For All,” he answers. It’s the excuse he came up with last night. The excuse he came up with after cradling Deku in his arms for what felt like hours with drying tears on his own cheeks. The excuse he came up with after finally letting Deku pull away. The excuse he came up with after he decided he needed to be alone to think. The excuse he came up with after kicking Deku out of his room.

It’s the excuse he’s trying very hard to make himself believe. It’s so much easier to think about then the truth.

“One For All? What does that have to do with my scars?”

“None of our classmates know you were quirkless, right? That’s why you haven’t told them, right? Don’t you think their going to start asking questions?”

“Oh! I hadn’t thought of that.”

“What do you mean you haven’t thought of that? Most of your scars literally mention being quirkless!”

“I know that. I meant the uh… the quirkless thing.”

The quirkless thi-

And then it hits Katsuki. Deku hadn’t thought of that. He hadn’t told anyone about the quirklessness because of One For All like he’d always thought. Yea, getting a quirk in life at a later age, though rare, wasn’t unheard of, but still…

Deku hadn’t told them because of One For All.

Deku hadn’t told them because he didn’t want them to know.

“Kacchan?”

He sighs. Breathes deeply through his nose.

“Yes, Deku?”

Just how deep did these scars really go?

“You know I wasn’t planning on showing anyone my scars. Recovery Girl said once they’re healed enough, I can wear specific clothes to cover them. She even mentioned looking into modifying my suit to make sure no one can see them. I kind of need a new one anyone given the condition of my last one. You really don’t need to worry-”

“Shut up, Deku.”

He secures the last bandage before gesturing for Deku to put his shirt back on.

“You should finish getting ready for class.”

Deku looks like he wants to say more, but he just mutters a soft thank you with one of his dumb little smiles and waves good bye.

There are cracks in his smile. Why hadn’t he ever noticed that before?

He watches Deku go. He still holds his shoulders a little tense, but given with the amount of pain he should be in he still moves with too much ease.

Like it’s nothing. Just another day.

Just how good of an actor was Deku?

He picks his phone back up and swipes through the photos. Compared to the original pics everything does look slightly better. Some of the words had whitened more. Some going from dark red to soft pink. ‘Quirkless’ and ‘DEKU’ are still the worst. They’ve stopped bleeding, but the skin around them is still an ugly mix of bruises and dark red. Swollen and painful looking. He’s pretty sure with one wrong move they could easily start bleeding again.

The sentence on his neck looks much better though. The words of sunken slightly. The skin less pink and now closer to Deku’s natural skin tone. It looked less like the words were constantly choking him and more just a constant reminder now.

Is it even possible to heal scars this deep?

Katsuki hopes more than anything that new scars can’t form.