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Chapter Text

It has been over 10 years since Yoongi has moved to live in London.

His mother remarried to a new husband and just decided to move their life over there.

Yoongi was very young at that time and didn’t really have many friends, to begin with, so when he heard from his mother that they will be moving to London, Yoongi didn't really care much. It didn't really affect him in any way.

Now Yoongi is 26 and he is still having a life in London. Except not with his mother and his stepfather anymore.

He loves his work and enjoys a solitary life.

Casual hookups and one night stands are all too familiar with him.

Yoongi and feelings don't belong together, it never stays together in a sentence.

Especially attachments. It's not his thing. It's not in his life. Bonding and devoting to someone are just all words that really have no meaning at all for him.

Now Yoongi is on his flight from London to Seoul.

First time in a very long time.

He has never thought that there would be days where he would come back here to Seoul.

After all, there is nothing much that is left there for him. He left with nothing in Seoul and now he is coming to his originated country; the country where he was born; where he supposed to had a childhood there. But Yoongi just felt like it was another business trip where he had to go to. 

Now Yoongi is on his business trip to Seoul as a representative of his company in London. Yoongi still can read and speak Korean so it makes sense that his company is sending him there to discuss their upcoming construction project in Seoul with a Korean Company.

"Alright Seoul. Let's see what you can offer me" 

It is completely wrong and offensive to Jimin whenever Yoongi said casually to him that there is nothing left there for him in Seoul.

Yoongi and Jimin have been friends since they were in middle school while Yoongi still was in Seoul. Jimin is Yoongi’s only friend and they have been keeping contact still even after Yoongi moved to away.

Jimin even has visited Yoongi a few times and in fact, had gone to the same university there together in London and frequently always hung out together.

"We are best friends, what the hell are you talking about?!"

So when Jimin knew that his best friend will come to Seoul, Jimin was so excited. Too excited! Too real!
Jimin cannot wait to show Yoongi around!

Yoongi never really live with anyone for a very long time, so that’s why he thinks that staying in a luxury hotel that his company provided for him was way better.
No distraction, no unnecessary noise from his best friend, because Yoongi knows Jimin is clinging and loud as hell. Koala is Jimin's nature perhaps?

But Jimin was feeling very disappointed when Yoongi had refused to stay in his house. Jimin is very well off especially his family. Jimin didn’t understand why Yoongi didn’t want to stay with him in his penthouse.
Probably Yoongi must have wanted to get laid every day that’s why he wanted to stay by himself instead. That was what Jimin had in mind.

That explained why on his first night, Jimin invited Yoongi to a club with a few of his other friends.
Yoongi doesn’t mind going clubbing, but he doesn’t like it, it is not somewhere he would chill but Jimin had said to him that it is the best place to get laid. Yoongi thought maybe his friend wanted to so well it's cool; not that Yoongi was hungry for it. 

They were on the VIP floor where things are far less crowded and far less dirty from the usual ground floor.

After a few moments later, they saw a bunch of both ladies and men came into their space.

"everybody! Take your pick." Jimin’s friend said with a big smile on his face and his hand immediately wrapped around one of the boy’s waist dragging him to sit on his lap.

"what is this? a prostitute? an escort?’’ Yoongi hissed at Jimin

"well, I didn’t know anything about it but knowing him for so long, I’m not surprised. Oh, actually Hyung~ he just did you a favor though’’ Jimin replied back grinned at how coincidence it can be.

Yoongi lifted his face up to look around and suddenly made eye contact with a doe-eyed shaped guy who is a little bit too tall for his liking and broader shoulder than most men Yoongi had met.

Yoongi immediately remembered the face.

‘’I want him’’ Yoongi glanced up and pointing toward that angel-looking guy who somehow is looking very small despite his big body.

With his tight clothing, at first glance, you will see nothing except his defined 2 pairs of wide shoulders. But when you look at him again and tracing your eyes down; you can see how his body was so amazingly sinful and that type of body would be a dream to everyone.

His body is so slender and long. His waist is so tiny; Yoongi couldn't help but wants to wrap his big hands over it. His thigh is so small and so are his legs. This is the type of legs where it also would look amazing when he was wearing a mini skirt or an elegant ripped side dress displaying those milky beautiful skin.

Yoongi looks at his face and gave that man a smile. He could tell that he is shy as he noticed the awkward smile and then shaky lip at the corners of his mouth. The guy was nervous. Yoongi almost chuckles at the sight but he seems to not think properly with that kind of goddess face looking at him.

His skin looks very smooth and his face is so small with silky hair covering up his forehead but not long to cover or irritate his eye with his bang.

And his lip. don't get started on his lip. It is very plump and thick and on top of that why is it so red? Yoongi feels the need to kiss and bite it so hard that it would bleed.

The guy walked toward Yoongi and sat down beside him.

“Hello, my name is Jin. Seokjin” he spoke very softly and Yoongi could barely hear him.

Yoongi smiled back at Jin before lifting his hand up to brush softly on the guy's bang. "Pretty little thing" 

***

[Before They Went Up to the VIP Room]

On the way back from the bathroom, Yoongi saw a person whose figure and gesture were like a lion that was trying to devour a human-angel who looked very beautiful and attractive to Yoongi’s eyes.

The lion pinned that beautiful human to the wall and kissed him and licked him everywhere, as long as there was an exposed spot on his body. His shoulder, his neck, his collarbone like he was a full course meal.

Well, with that type of face, and godly gracious body like that, he probably is.

The guy who was kissed looked like he suffered so much and tried so hard to get through it, on the sadder note, he didn’t even look like he was enjoying it.
He looked so pitiful and wanted to cry and run away. While the other guy enjoyed it so much that he grinding and dry humping to the poor angel.

What a stupid sight to witness.

Looked like typical porn where it had a beautiful and sexy looking girl and she got groped and licked and fucked by an old and ugly pervert who didn't know how to have sex properly.

Well, it turns out that the poor angel guy whose body could be so hot it could make a guy cum with just a sight; that Yoongi previously saw at the hall as well; was in fact, the same guy who is sitting beside him right now.

He looks even more beautiful up close and Yoongi's eyes are always distracted and dragged down to look at that sinner’s lip.

Seokjin was obviously feeling very nervous and Yoongi could feel that he was trembling and he could feel the heat from Seokjin’s face and body from shyness.
Yoongi doesn’t understand that an escort, could be so awkward like that; considering they are doing that every night, fucking and pleasuring other people....aren’t they?

After many drinks and shots were poured down and drank it all to their throat, Yoongi mouth traced to Seokjin's skin whispering to Seokjin’s ear that sent shivers down to his spine.

“Let's go to my place and do our business shall we?” Yoongi voice was so low and sexy as he smirked at Seokjin; his one hand was holding Seokjin's waist while the other was playing with his hair. Yoongi needs to have his hands busy somewhere or else he will find himself couldn't keep his hand away from Seokjin thigh.

He really knows how to dress well. Fucking short skirt revealing those skin, so teasing and so inviting. 

But Yoongi somehow also enjoying it in a different way as well. He hadn’t really touch Seokjin much the whole time when they were drinking and sitting there. But he was enjoying it because it was so obvious at how sensitive Seokjin reacted to his little touch.

Jin was so nervous during the ride home to Yoongi’s place and with all those tensions and everything, he wondered why Yoongi didn't push him to the wall and kissed him already; like other old perverted guests he encountered.

From Jin's experience, they would probably let him suck their dick during the car ride too. Especially with Yoongi's boner out like that, Seokjin didn't understand why he was so patient.

Jin shouldn't be thinking about Yoongi though because of he himself was nervous all the damn times; every night he is out there doing this kind of work.
But tonight it was different with Yoongi, he felt.. just different.

Somehow he thinks Yoongi is very soft toward him and gentle? Almost so intimate... so intimate the way Jin likes it.

Poor little Jin, he clearly doesn't have any ideas about Yoongi right?

As soon as they entered Yoongi’s hotel room, Jin could feel his big hand placing between his shoulders and threw him to the wall.

Ouch... Seokjin felt that.

Yoongi then began to kiss him deeply and roughly, licking and exploring every part of Jin's lip like it was his favorite candy; not leaving any time out for Seokjin to catch a breath.

He could feel Yoongi mouth and tongue invading and slamming into his mouth.

Yoongi tongue was trying to dance with his and Yoongi’s teeth is biting and pulling on Jin’s thick lip.

Jin couldn't even keep up. 

Yoongi is very skillful and good at what he is doing.

“I think I can suck this lip forever. Let me kiss and bite you till you bleed. You think you'll like that?”

Yoongi’s words made Jin's knee weak.

He didn’t know how to react or respond. He wasn’t even sure whether he was enjoying it or hating it.

By the time Yoongi left Seokjin’s mouth, Jin couldn’t feel his lip anymore. It was swollen, red, and wet, saliva dripping down the corner of his mouth

Yoongi looked at Jin’s lip and face and smirked at his work of art. He looks wrecked already and he hasn't even done anything yet besides just making out.

“Now this is a pleasant sight. Look at the lip. You think the bee didn’t just sting you”

Yes. His lip. He felt numb and sore because of how hard and rough Yoongi did to his lip.

Having just a little break to catch his breath, Yoongi held Jin’s waist kissing him again while dragging him to his bedroom.

Jin didn’t even have time to think anything.

By that time, he knew that Yoongi already ripped his shirt button apart and threw it on the floor.

Yoongi then proceeds to suck on Jin ear and his collarbone. Leaving bruises everywhere as his mouth is sucking and pulling the pale soft skin.
Jin definitely is enjoying the pleasure from it so much because his body reacted very sensitively. The sensitivity and the stupid feelings in his stomach; Jin thought he is losing his mind

Yoongi sucks and bites and licks Jin’s nipple and Jin finally left out his voice and moan for the first time.
He definitely felt a smirk on Yoongi's mouth as he pressed his lip into Seokjin's skin.

Yoongi was taking time to unbuckle his belt to let Jin rest and breath a little before finally pushing Jin down on his knee between his leg to do his job.

The thought of Seokjin fresh and plumb lip wrap around and suck his cock already made him jump from the anticipation. But he wasn't sure if Jin would be good at it or not. After all, he looks inexperienced and way too naive and innocent. sent shiver to Yoongi’s spine.
But with that kind of beauty, Yoongi got no patience anymore and push down his pant and began to pull Seokjin head down to suck him.

Seokjin wasn't hesitating at all, it is like an auto system, like a robot.
As soon as he got down to his knee, his hand quickly touch Yoongi crotch and pull Yoongi’s cock out of his boxer letting the precum hit his face.
Jin wipes it with the back of his hand and kept an eyes contact with Yoongi.

Yoongi wasn't the type to fuck someone while looking at them passionately. But Seokjin's innocent big brown eyes and long eyelashes is captivating him. He couldn't turn away from that pair of eyes. 
Yoongi has never seen anything that turned him on so hard.

Yoongi keeps his eyes contact with Seokjin as he watched the beauty worked his mouth so seductively sucking on Yoongi's cock. He is definitely so experienced because it was just a lick and some swallowing but Yoongi already was losing his mind.

A few licks then Seokjin sucking it bits by bits and suck it lower and lower till it hits his throat and Yoongi was groaning. He has no gag reflects.

“aaahh~ hmmmyeah baby… like that..”

Seokjin saw it as a compliment and he felt very satisfied for the first time while going down on clients. Seeing Yoongi enjoyed it so much like that made Seokjin tried even harder to please him and sucking his cock harder.

Seokjin works very hard, tries every technique he knows, sucking Yoongi's cock in every way possible he knows that gives pleasure to him. He is bobbing his head up and down while looking at Yoongi. Yoongi could see the little sparkling thing in his eyes waiting for adoration and recognition. 

Seokjin coated Yoongi's cock perfectly with his saliva and Yoongi has never been this aroused before from blowjob. Yoongi could see stars when Seokjin was choking on his cock. He saw how he tightens up his grips and tears at the corner of his eyes from pushing in too further. Yoongi lost his shit and didn't hold himself back anymore as he was fucking himself into Seokjin's throat. And Seokjin is completely wide open accepting Yoongi's thrusts.

"Fuccck..~"
Yoongi was sure he didn't see just star, but a whole fucking galaxy.

Jin could feel that Yoongi was almost there and he kept going harder.

“Ohh….yeah doll, you’re doing so good.. keep going... ”
Yoongi was matching Seokjin’s pace and fuck so hard to his mouth down his throat and making jin stumbled down to his back as Yoongi pounded and pushed him so hard before coming into his mouth and face.

Seokjin was resting down there catching his breath, swallowing down every drop of cum.

Both of his hand were resting on the floor supporting himself from falling and laying down on the floor. He was inhaling and exhaling; trying to bring his heart rate down. 

He felt so tired out and exhasted, he just wants to lay down in the soft mattress already.

He thinks he went a little hard over there and at that moment he thinks he could take Yoongi like that but now he could feel all the pains and the soreness in his throat already. 

Yoongi then carried jin in a bridal style to his bed before bringing all the lube and condoms out.

Yoongi was nowhere near nice.

It was their 5th time fucking already in this one night and Jin cannot feel anything anymore.

His lip, his hand, and arms, legs, and his body…..all the energy had left his body since a long time ago.

But right now here he is, pinning down to the mattress and Yoongi is still at it; fucking him down senselessly.

Jin cried and cried but Yoongi was nowhere around here, Yoongi was in his forever-land enjoying ball deep inside Seokjin.

After continuous fucking vigorously and wildly, he threw his head back; moaning and having the time of his life. 

He finally pulled out and cum on Seokjin's face whose body laid still and almost unconscious to move.

Seokjin felt Yoongi's body pressure off him as the guy was getting up and went straight to his desk. Seokjin wasn't sure what he was doing but then he saw Yoongi pulled out his wallet and took out a few cash; signaling to Jin that he had left it on the table right here.

Seokjin was wrapping around the blanket, lying down soulless, too tired to react or function.

Yoongi shut his bathroom door and seemed to be doing his own business over there. Jin heard the shower was pouring and he knew that was no way Yoongi going to come back anytime soon with a towel in his hand for Seokjin to clean himself.

So he found every strength in his body to get up and poured some water into tissue and wipe himself off.

He felt like his leg gonna give up anytime soon but he managed to clean himself clean and then put on his shirt and skirt and left Yoongi apartment with the money.

Jin amazed at himself at how strong his body was as from all these time working as an escort.

He thought he get used to the pain and it doesn't affect him that much after every time he gets fucked out from all those dirty men.

But now here he was, dragging his leg and telling himself to walk; stopping from time to time to balance himself, a hand gripped hard to hold onto something so that he won't fall, but ironically, the tears are falling and pouring down instead.

He knew this pain all too well for the first time.

Chapter Text

Seokjin couldn’t stop crying while making his way to his little home.

Actually, as soon as he entered his one-room small apartment; when he was finally away from the world's eyes; confining himself into his tiny little space box that no one could see him anymore; he broke down crying.

He couldn’t remember when was the last time that he had cried so hard right this. His nose was stuffy, his eyes were numb and blurry, he couldn’t breathe and couldn’t stop himself from hiccuping. He felt like he was choking or suffocating.

In the past, when he just started out selling sex, Seokjin always cried every time his client left but as time went by, later on, he had coped up and moved passed it.

No emotions, no feelings. He was a robot, a sex doll.

That’s what he had been telling himself every day for his body and his mind to get used to it.

He had to turn the doll mode on every night; so that he wouldn’t be left feeling empty and lonely; hating on himself and felt so disgusted with himself every time he looked himself in the mirror.

But tonight, he couldn’t.

He felt so low and all the feelings and all the identification of Kim Seokjin that had been buried a long time ago started floating up again.

“ahh~ hello my filthy worthless self” “How nice would it be to just go to sleep, and not waking up tomorrow and forever?”

It was back to those days again, where Seokjin got excited like a crazy person every time his client choked him; because of his anticipation that his client would choke him too hard and unintentionally suffocated him to death.

After so many years of doing this, Seokjin was still naïve and hopeful.

How naive and stupid of him to even allow himself to had an expectation from a client.

As soon as Seokjin saw Yoongi, he thought what a good-looking man he was. But the fact that Yoongi was sitting there looking and chose him made Seokjin nervous and doubted whether Yoongi was gonna be any different from his other clients at all.

Well it all changed after drinking and talking with Yoongi.

“Wah, he seemed very soft and gentle. He didn't try to touch me or do anything at all”

Seokjin was feeling stupidly grateful and gave such an innocent eye looking and talking to Yoongi; and at that moment for the first time Seokjin was having a very good time with a client. He felt like he was talking to a friend or a friendly stranger and they were just trying to get to know each other.

But clearly Seokjin had underestimated what a person like Yoongi could done to him.

They were so kind and gentle in the beginning, riling you up and making you opening up to them so easy and you won’t ever see it coming when they had a knife to your throat.

Don’t blame on Min Yoongi. Blame on your stupid self. Who are you to expect something like this? How dare you? You must be joking; you dirty whore.

After hours of self-destruction, Jin went to wash up.

While he was changing, he looked at the amount of money Yoongi left him and he remembered the reason why he started this kind of life.

Seokjin reminded himself again that he must endure it.

He must clench his teeth, close his eyes and just take everything that given to him. Dicks, fingers, feet, anything…. he must take it all and endure it…..

Because he needs the money.

“You are so low. Can’t even manage to get a real job to earn legit money? Your dirty self only want easy money and go easy way huh?”

Seokjin didn’t have a family. Only his father.

His father raised him all alone. He did everything he could to fed Seokjin, sent him to school, took care of him and most importantly never gave up on him.

“Seokjin ah, you must not give up in your life. No matter how others look at you, you need to keep going. Life is not fair, and there are things that we cannot change. But we must continue to live it. And I want you to do it proudly too.” His father always comforted him this way every time Seokjin came home crying from the bullying in his school.

“Are you proud of yourself, papa? But your job…”

“Oh Seokjin, I am not proud of my job. But I am proud of my life, that I have you that I can take care of you. Are you happy, my son?”

Seokjin nodded to his father with still tears left in his eyes “then Papa is already proud of his life already. As long as you are happy, Papa is always proud of his life he leads, my dear”

After that, his father would put him to sleep, and then dressed up and left the house…. To go to work

Things were never bright for Seokjin, but years later, everything crumbled down to the pit. Everything.

His father got hit by a drunk car one night while he was walking on the street while trying to fetch a client.

Jin dropped out of school and started working.

But that little money was not enough to pay the bills.

And Jin swore that he will do everything to let his father breathe on those expensive life support oxygen that gave him those lines of heartbeat and life. He will not let his father go.

Actually, looking at Seokjin’s father condition and Seokjin’s condition himself, it is the best if he lets him go.

But Seokjin embedded his father’s word into his heart to never give up.

And Jin will not give up on his father.

“Seokjin ah.. you need to hang on..”

So Seokjin liked to think that maybe that was the reason why he couldn’t stay away from this job of his. And now from Min Yoongi.

The next weekend when his phone rang up and it was Yoongi who was calling him and requested for him. Seokjin accepted it in a heartbeat.

Because Yoongi gave him the cash he needed.

After that night with Seokjin, Yoongi still contacted him asking for his company every weekend.

At night of course.

It’s like Yoongi has reserved Seokjin exclusively every weekend.

Even though they did nothing except fucking.

Rough and kinky sex that always left Seokjin on the bed or on the floor or anywhere Yoongi felt like it; laying there alone; soullessly and trying to catch a breathe like he is about to die.

So much for easy money easy way.

There was one time when Yoongi laid Seokjin down on his bed, finally something soft to lay on in a while; Seokjin’s back against the soft mattress.

But little does Seokjin knew, Yoongi started pounding himself into him, without even prepping him at all. His big hands that sent shivers and made jin bruising and trembling brushed against Seokjin’s body line to his neck and then squeezing his neck.

There was also times when Yoongi completely didn’t touch Seokjin at all.

He just told Seokjin to stripe naked, blind folded him, tied him up, ring around Jin’s cock, ass spreading and then just let the toys do the works.

Seokjin saw nothing except darkness and only heard the little sound from Yoongi and the image of Yoongi’s smirking and mocking smile on his face.

Yoongi looked like he was having the time of his life torturing Jin.

Yoongi didn’t think of Seokjin as anything. Just the person he paid a lot of money to, to have a good time with him.

So what, if he left a little bruised to his pale skin?

So what, if he fuck a bit too rough?

He’ll be fine. Everyone will be fine later on.

While Yoongi was on his way back from work one day, waiting for the traffic light to go green, he saw Seokjin was walking, hand holding on many grocery bags with him by his side, was a man who looked too common to be a client.

A tall, tanned skin man who was a little bit taller than Seokjin and seemed to be very close to Seokjin. Seokjin was laughing so hard at what that man was saying and he seemed so contented from Seokjin's laughing.

He saw the look of Seokjin when that guy was talking; Jin was drowned in it. Jin looked at that guy like he meant everything in this world.

Disgusting

Yoongi felt furious.

Why did he even feel anything, to begin with?

So he didn’t fuck Seokjin hard enough that he could still be able to walk and then go back to fucking another guy after him huh?

Yoongi opened his phone then left Seokjin a message.

“Tonight 9PM at my hotel”

Yoongi never fucks Seokjin on a weekday. 

But now he couldn't help feeling the way he was feeling.

He needed to touch him.

To pound him and

wreck him.

He can't wait. 

He was grinning when he a few moments later, he received a reply back from Seokjin,

"Okay"

That night Yoongi fucked Seokjin to the core and so hard. He had no mercy at all. It was like Jin was his prey and he was a monstrous beast.

Yoongi seemed so fucking mad and Seokjin didn’t understand why he was being like that and worse, releasing his anger on fucking him. His abused poor body couldn’t handle this pain anymore as he screamed and cried and begged Yoongi.

Normally, Jin would not beg or scream but this time, the pain was just too much and unbearable that he did it unconsciously.

Yoongi didn’t give two fuck about whatever noise Seokjin was making.

They went on too many rounds that night that both of them were completely fallen asleep as soon as they finally finished.

However, much to Yoongi’s surprise, he woke up around 2-3am, and Seokjin was nowhere to be found.

Where did he go? He didn’t even give Seokjin the money yet.

Seokjin woke up and felt so numb. His throat was so dry and he could still taste his blood from his bled lip.

He wanted to get up and get some water to drink and cleaned himself up but he didn’t have the energy to.

Not right now.

But then his phone rang up, and he answered.

He can feel his heart became heavy, his tears were falling, and his hand and body was shaking and trembling restlessly.

He didn’t know that he had any strengths left in his poor body. 

He sometimes amazed at human’s body and mind.

“Is this Mr. Kim Seokjin? Please come to the emergency room right now. Your father is experiencing a-” Jin didn’t need to hear more.

He rushed to the hospital as fast as he could.

Chapter Text

Seokjin world had completely shut down.

He ran so fast to the hospital and there, he saw it. The doctor and the nurses were all standing there inside the room. He saw his father’s body laid still on the bed. Very peacefully.

Jin’s eye shifted to the life support machine that tracking down human's heartbeat.

There was no pulse, there was no sound.

The only thing that greeted his eyes him was flatlines.

“Mr. Kim?” The nurse called out to Seokjin who stood frozenly by the door.

Seokjin couldn’t hear it. He felt like the world has stopped. He didn’t feel sick or anything. He just stood there, numb and empty; the world definitely stood still, and everything didn’t move.

“Mr Kim, are you okay? Can you hear me”? The nurse shook him a little bit, bringing him back. Suddenly he had trouble breathing, his mouth felt dry, his legs wobbled and weak and then…. everything turned black.

~~~~

Jin woke up and saw Namjoon was there next to him. Jin and Namjoon knew each other forever and Namjoon similar to Jin didn’t have many friends or family to called his own as well.

For Jin, Namjoon was his only friend. The only friend who despite everything still choose to stay with him.

“Namjoon, my fa-”

“shhhhh, Seokjin Hyung, calm down” Namjoon rushed to held Seokjin and embraced him softly.

“Hyung, please try to calm yourself down. You need to have your energy back. The doctor said you fainted because of dehydration and exhaustion more than from shoc-” Namjoon regretted the words that came out from his mouth.

“My father! I need to see my father!”

~~~~~

There, Seokjin knelt down and still in front of the body. His father’s body. He still looked peacefully like he was sleeping, just like the last time Jin visited him.

Except this time, his body was very pale and there were no tubes or machine that hook to him anymore. His father didn't look like he was in pain. He just looked so calmed and rested.

He looked like a normal person, and not some kind of sick patient.

His father looked like he finally found his peace.

“We’re sorry, Mr. Kim.” The nurse said with an apologetic look and then left the room.

A part of Seokjin blamed himself for his father death. He felt like he didn't try hard enough to help his father recover. He blamed himself for not visiting often and talking to him long enough. Didn't try to help his father's state back to life.

Actually, Seokjin did. But it was just every time Seokjin came visited, he couldn’t bring any words to talk to his father except whispering a few words before he broke down crying.

Seokjin was ashamed of himself for didn’t continue school; followed what his father had wanted for him. Seokjin was ashamed of himself for going easy way earning money regardless of what his father always told him to never followed his trace. Seokjin was just ashamed that he wasn’t a good enough person and son for his father while his father did everything to be the best father for Seokjin all his life.

When a patient on a life support system died like this, there were a few factors that could cause. Despite whatever the doctor was telling him that led to his father’s death, Seokjin didn’t listen to it. Seokjin believed his father’s cause of death was because of his own son.

His father might have lost all his will to hang on in the life support system anymore and died mentally.

Seokjin’s father gave up on him and left Seokjin alone in this world.

~~~~~~

Namjoon helped Seokjin discharged and helped him back to settle down at Jin's apartment.

Namjoon expected Seokjin to break down and cry and scream. But Seokjin just…... sat quietly. He waited but nothing came out.

Namjoon felt like Seokjin was not functioning anymore. He didn’t eat, he didn’t talk. He just replied a few words back to Namjoon every time he was asking something.

He knows that Seokjin needs time.

People need time to digest and recover their state of mind in this kind of darkest time like this. But seeing how bad Seokjin was, Namjoon was very scared whether those days that Seokjin would talk or smile normally again will come or not.

It did come. But Namjoon felt like Seokjin was forcing himself on it.

After taking care of the funeral and the burial, they were finally back to Jin's apartment and Namjoon was trying his best to cook them two something.

“Namjoon ah"

Seokjin voice was so low and a bit trembling. He finally talked to Namjoon for the first time since the younger thought his friend had stopped functioning.

"thank you so much” Seokjin continued.

Namjoon couldn't see those words coming out from Seokjin’s mouth, couldn't see Seokjin’s face when he said it. But at that time, his heart was clutching to his chest so hard.

“Hyung, it’s oka-”

Seokjin went on

“I know it was very tough and very energy-draining to keep up with me. You should not have to be going through all of these unnecessary things and feelings at all. But you did. And you…. You didn’t leave me or give up on me even though I know that I have caused you nothing but stress and headache. It must have been very exhausting for you”

Namjoon wanted to cut Seokjin’s word so bad and ran to him, hugged him and toll him that it is okay. That he wanted to be there for Seokjin, that he wanted to help and do anything he could to make Seokjin okay again. To let Seokjin knows that it is definitely not a bother for him and that he would do anything… anything at all for Jin.

But Namjoon was too happy when Jin finally said something after all those days he spent not talking.

“Hyung, I.. I -“ Namjoon was lost for words as soon as they embraced each other. Tears falling down rapidly from Namjoon’s face soaking his tanned cheeks.

“Namjoon ah, shh shh… don’t cry. I am fine now.” Seokjin just brushed Namjoon's hair and hugging him tightly and closely to his own chest.

Namjoon glanced up at Seokjin's face and cried even harder.

Namjoon felt it. He knew. He knew that every word that Seokjin said about being fine and okay are nothing but pretense….. Namjoon could hear the brokenness in jin's voice and he didn’t buy any of it. Seokjin is not fine. He doesn’t know what kind of feelings Seokjin are experiencing right now but he knows that it is not a good one. Seokjin’s words are too empty and dry. Seokjin is definitely not fine. And Namjoon couldn’t do anything to save it.

~~~

“Namjoon ahhh~ I am OKAY! You need to go! Your gig is more important than sitting at home with me and doing nothing. Hoseok also needs his partner. How is he going to perform a duet song without a duet partner” Jin said tiredly and giving Namjoon a weak and broken smile.

“Hyung, it is okay for me not go. We can always have it next time and Hoseok also agreed with me to stay with you”

“NO! Kim Namjoon. You need to go now. I know how performing is everything to you. You cannot just not go. What if they found someone better and suddenly stop hiring you later? Goooo~”

Namjoon knew he couldn’t say no. Seokjin’s right, performing is everything that Namjoon and Hoseok are dreaming of and they cannot manage to miss out their chance. But part of him still could and would give that up for Seokjin.

However, looking at Seokjin’s determination, he knew he couldn't say no.

~~~~~~

A few days later after Seokjin’s left from the hotel; when Yoongi was leaving from work earlier that day, he asked his driver to drive to Seokjin’s apartment and give Seokjin’s his envelope of cash from that night.

“Did you give it to him?” Yoongi asked his driver who finally arrived and sat back into his seat

“I didn't meet him sir. But I met the other guy, maybe his lover, he said Kim Seokjin was sleeping”

….

Yoongi was silence. He felt something weird in his chest, was it anger or something else?

“I bet he was his lover. The guy was in his towel rushing to open the door” the driver chuckled and cluelessly spitting out whatever words he had in his mind without knowing the consequence of his words could do to another person.

“Did you got his name?” Yoongi asked coldly

“He said his name is Kim Namjoon sir.”

“Are they related? Or married?”

The driver spat out again before bursting out laughing to himself.

~~~~

Well, Yoongi’s Saturday started out shitty.

He received a last-second message on Friday night while he was resting and having his alone time in his hotel room; that he will be having a morning meeting with the board tomorrow, on Saturday morning. And he hated every part of it because first of all, he got his weekend planned out already- to go nowhere and do nothing, his mode already went to resting mode and now the company was telling in the middle of the night he needed to prepare everything for tomorrow fucking-early meeting.

He was annoyed and always hated dealing with last minute shit.

But it was the board. There was nothing he couldn’t do much about it besides cursing the hell out of them.

Fast forward to Saturday morning, the meetwas also goingwent shitty. The board couldn't agree on the decision on the direction of their project and they spent long long hours arguing and fighting which ideas were better. At the end of the meeting, they still couldn’t come into an agreement and that they would need to arrange to have another board meeting next week.

Now the sun was setting, and his Saturday had wasted.

He pulled up his phone and saw that Seokjin still hasn’t response to him back.

He had been patiently waiting for Jin to answer back.

It had been 3 days since Seokjin stopped replying to his message.

The last reply from Seokjin was when Yoongi had asked him to accompany him again, on a weekday, but Seokjin had told Yoongi that he already quitted the escort company and he was sorry but he won’t be accompanying Yoongi anymore from now on.

Yoongi was furious. He never got rejected like this before. And even if he did, he didn’t understand why he felt so bother by it.

"BEeeeeeeeppp beeeepp"

Yoongi’s driver was honking at the car in front of them who was not moving at all even when the light was already turning green.

“Why people is driving so stupid! WHAT THE FUCK” Yoongi mood was completely shitty. He’s been stuck in this traffic for at least two hours now as well. And it wasn’t helping at all.

“I need you to make a U-Turn and go to Kim Seokjin’s apartment instead”

~~~~

Seokjin was sitting on his couch alone. Lost in his thought.

He just sat there, and stared blankly at nothing in particular, drifting himself soullessly until he heard a ring on his door. twice. thrice ringing non-stop repeatedly.

He sighed and put on his smiley face and walking up to the door “Namjoon ahh, what did I say about not worrying about me-?” Jin opened the door and saw Yoongi in front of him. Dark eyes with such a heavy and evil stares glancing toward him.

By the time Jin snapped out of his thought, Yoongi pushed Jin inside his own house, slammed the door close and pinned him against the wall.

Yoongi face was so close to Jin and he could feel Yoongi’s angry breath; Jin felt scared and out of breath himself. Both Yoongi's hand gripped so hard around both of his wrists like he would never ever let go. Jin could feel the pain coming from his hand and the bruise that would definitely show up as soon as Yoongi let go.

“Who the fuck are you to ignore my message!!?!”

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

That was probably one of the reason why Yoongi drawn even closer to Jin and couldn't back away from Jin. He knew he is nothing more than a piece of shit and can’t compare himself to Seokjin but a part of him saw himself in Jin, the guy he had hurt and abused physically and mentally. And he wanted to do everything to help Jin.
Yoongi day by day worried sick about Seokjin. He watched Jin everyday, and every time he has to see how Seokjin was doing, was he eating, was he trying to do something foolish?

The last time Seokjin and Yoongi met was when Yoongi was following Seokjin one day as usual. Seokjin just kept walking and walking and walking. But the problem was that at that time the traffic light was already red, but Seokjin shown no sign of stopping. Yoongi knew what was about to come, he dashed out of his car and rushed to grab Seokjin back to the safety lane. He then dragged him to somewhere a bit quiet where they could talk… or yell.

“ahhh…..ahhhh” As soon as Seokjin saw Yoongi’s face, he dropped down as if his knee was so weak and tried to crawl himself back away from Yoongi

“Stay away… s-stay way.. please p-pleasee….don't hurt me” There. The scene of Seokjin trembling at the corner of his house brought back up again in Yoongi’s head and it’s shredding him to pieces seeing how seokjin was so scared of him and reminded him again how much he had hurt him.

“Heyy hey no no… I’m not going to hurt you… please” Yoongi felt stupid, he knew his words sounded nothing to Jin’s ear…. How could Jin trust Yoongi after all of what he had done

“Please jin.. please…. Come here” Another yoongi’s stupid attempt, he wrapped his arms around Jin for embrace. Of course, Jin immediately tried to let go, pushing yoongi out but Yoongi insisted and still hold on to him

“Jin… shh shhh please … it’s okay it's okay….I’m sorry.. it’s okay…” Yoongi found his voice so soft and weak and he was shocked at himself. He was on the verge of crying.

~~~~

Yoongi still kept his distance after what happened that evening, he don’t think it is a good idea to approach Jin and think it is better to just look at Jin from afar.

But, Seokjin shown no sign of getting better. Seokjin was always alone, and sometimes he would whispered something to himself alone and then would start sobbing. Yoongi was very scared that something bad.. very bad could happen to jin. So he had his driver followed jin and keeping an eye on him 24 hour while yoongi is at work.

~~~~

One day, while Yoongi was inside a board meeting late evening, he saw a notification popped up in his phone screen. He always always left his phone on the table and would check it from time to time because he afraid he would missed out anything about Seokjin. The time has come, he slided his phone and read the message that his driver sent to him.

“Kim Seokjin is acting weird sir… he had been walking soullessly with no specific destinations for hours and now he just entered the hospital. Seoul hospital. I thought it was weird sir”

Yoongi didn’t wait long. He got up and rushed out of the meeting immediately, leaving all the people there confused and speechless at what just happened.

Yoongi came up with a thousand reasons why Seokjin went to the hospital.

Was he not feeling well? Was he sick? What happened to him?

But none of them was making sense at all. And then he came to the last reason, the worse case scenario.

Rooftop…. I need to go to the rooftop now!!!!

Yoongi dashed himself through everything to the elevator and tap the highest floor of the building and then proceed his way to the exit door that led to the rooftop.

“Kim Seokjin!!!!! Kim Seokjin!!!” Yoongi shouted and his sudden movement was grabbing Seokjin from outside the fence and threw both of them back inside to the ground. He must get Seokjin to the safety place first before he decided to… do something dangerous.

“Yoongi?....” Seokjin looked at him with unreadable eyes… millions of shocked, and doubts were obviously there in Jin’s eyes

“What are you doing?!!!!!!” Yoongi yelled. He felt regretted at his tone.

“I should be the one asking you!!!! Why do you always stop with me?!!!! Let me go FOR ONCE!!!!!” Seokjin snapped back at Yoongi who was panicking as he saw Seokjin climbed outside the fence again. Yoongi knew jin could drop down anytime he wants now

“Jin jin.. please calm down..” Yoongi’s voice soft and he walked slowly toward Jin 

“Min Yoongi! Don’t come near me! You can’t force me on anything anymore!!!!!!!” Yoongi could feel the pain from Seokjin’s voice reminding him all over again about his past actions

“Jin… please listen to m-”

“STOPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!” Jin voice was so loud yet so vulnerable. Yoongi stopped at his foot and just helplessly staring at Seokjin.

“I can’t anymore…. Pleaseeee…. I’m begging you for the last time…. Please listen to me this time….I can’t I can’t- … hold on anymore… I don't have anything or anyone to…. Hold on anymore” Seokjin was no longer shouting, actually he was balling his eyes out, he was crying so hard and his voice was so desperate

Silence greeted them for a minute then Yoongi said

“Okay…. Then… let’s die together..” Yoongi said as he climbed to the outside of the fence and standing there alongside Seokjin.

“What....what are you doing..?” Jin was stuttering confused.

“I said let’s jump together. You have nothing left in this world right? Me too… so let’s die together. I’ll jump with you” Yoongi’s voice was very calm but on top of that jin can felt he meant every words he said.

“But before we die, I want to… let you know something first… I want to apologize for whatever I have done to you… I.. I-“ Yoongi didn’t know what else to continue, he was never good at words. He was never supposed to have any feelings but he force himself to continue because this might be his last chance, even though there was no amount of words or action he could do or say to make up for what he did to Jin but he just wanted to let him know

“I deserve to die more than anything... after what I did to you… I’m sorry for causing you nothing but pain.... I’m sorry that I- I force myself on you and hurting you... You don’t have to-“

“Why did you wanna die?” Seokjin simply cut him off and genuinely wanna know the reason what made Yoongi wanted to jump with him and die together

Yoongi was silence for a while after hearing the question then proceed

“I think you are a very good person. I think you are very kind, very nice, and I think your smile could brighten up the whole world if u do but because of me…… I did nothing except making you suffer. Seeing you reminded me of how such a horrible asshole I have been. So if an angel like you decided to die, then why would a devil like me still doing here in this world?" Yoongi paused a bit looking at Jin's face then quickly dropped down

“I don’t think you are the cause of your father’s death.” Seokjin’s face was so confused about how did Yoongi knew any of this.

“I’m sorry I had been following you all these time. I can’t let any bad things happen to you. I caused you enough trouble as it is, so if I had a small chance to keep other bad things from happening, I would.....You see? I think you father decided to go because it was painful for him to see you holding on to something that hurt u. I believe He knew all these times… that you were working and suffering tremendously due to people like me around your life…. I think he wanted to free you from him. He wanted you to finally live a life for yourself but not for him anymore.”

Seokjin couldn’t say anything back. All thoughts and memories floated back to him. Yes, he gave up his university’s degree, his chance of a normal life, his chance of being…healthy mentally for his father. He gave all that up to earn fast money to cure his father. He didn’t mind all of that. He wanted that. He wanted to do something for his father. He wanted to help his father recover. But the truth is he knew, he knew that his father was already long gone the minute the doctor hook him to the tube connected to the life support system. He knew that his father was … already.. out from this tired world.   

“If you care to listen a bit to my story.. I..I made my father mad, caused him to have a heart attack which he….died later on.” Yoongi chuckled brokenly.

He continued, face facing the ground and not dare looking up to Seokjin “I don’t understand why a person like me still is living a life in this world and hurt other people……..So Jin, if you want to die…. I’ll die with you.”

“Seokjin ah. Why are you sad? Tell me hmm? Why is my lovely son pouting and crying? Who was it this time?” Seokjin’s father said those to Jin while he came to pick Jin up from school.

“Stop crying okay? Dad will buy you your favorite chocolate ice cream, how about that? Oh! Then we will stop by the mart to stock up some chocolate milk for our fridge. Do you like that Seokjin?” Seokjin’s father continue comforting his little son as he still sobbing hands rubbing his tiny round eyes whose then stopped and look up to his father after hearing the word chocolate.

  “My son….We have only one life. We can either spend it living our lives happily or miserably. So you need to promise me that from now on, no matter what you decide, if you live, you need to live a happy life for yourself got it? And I don't think anybody who is in the right mind would want to die fast if chocolate milk is still selling and producing in Korea right?” His father then winked at seokjin and lifting him face up a little brighter

“Just tell me whenever you are ready.” Yoongi let out his breathing and feeling the air around him in this world for one last time then closed his eye

Jin realised that he was holding on to nothing all these time, he was holding on to a false hope that he created thinking his father would return during all those time he was on life support. He had used other people excuses to live a dreadfully life when he could actually have a choice to live happily 

“do you want to get back inside and do down to buy some chocolate milk instead?” Seokjin looked at Yoongi with calm’s eye and his voice was a bit softer. He seemed relax for the first time.

 ~~~~~

[2 Years Later]

One mid afternoon, Seokjin was in the kitchen, apron over his shirt, face looked very determined looking over the oven waiting for it to pop up before he coated himself in a big glove and pull out 6 chocolate cupcakes and started decorating it.

“Just a minuteee~” Seokjin voiced up from the kitchen

“Hyung, cmonnn” a male voice replied back from the living room a bit grumpily but at the same time very excited

“ehhhh, I only serve perfection okay? Even though it is from home” Seokjin came back to the living room, holding a tray full of 6 cupcakes which all have different frosting and topping.

“Yahhh~ say something after tasting” Seokjin smacked the other smaller male’s arm

“ouch.. it always taste good, I’m running out of compliments for your baking” the male keep stuffing the cupcake into his mouth bit by bit

“I asked you to taste it, not devouring it” Seokjin then taking one of the cupcake and tasted it himself and grasped at how amazing his baking taste. He was shaking his body in happiness.

Seeing seokjin’s reaction like this, made the other male shivering and all those feelings bottled up inside him making his throat choke up. He was very happy to see the day that Seokjin could be smiling and laughing and he wouldn’t do anything else to change that.

“Hyung…… I really like your baking. I think you are very good at it. And I can’t wait for you to get a liscene so you can start making other bakery go out of business. I-I-“ The smaller man talked very fast like he knew he’s not gonna be able to finish his sentence as he was choking on his own words now

“Yoongi….yoongi why are you crying…..” Seokjin looked around and grabbed tissue to Yoongi

“Hyung I’m sorr-“ Yoongi didnt look at jin face, just looking down, guilty eyes looking left and right very scared and small.

“Yoongii… it’s time for you to stop crying and saying sorry to me every time you saw me happy... okay? It’s been 2 years…I think we need to put everything to the past...”

Yoongi then grabbed and hugged Jin a tightly, his arms awkwardly trying to wrapped over the older boy’s bigger body and shoulder.

“Yoongi ah, I’m glad I made a decision to come with you here to London that time”

“…I’m still sor-“ Yoongi was about to saying sorry for the million time now then Seokjin pushed Yoongi away from the hug which made Yoongi sulking a bit looking up and saw the stare Jin was giving him. Yoongi got it then grabbed seokjin back into their warmth embrace. He could never imagine that there will be day he could sit next to Seokjin, talk to Seokjin, and even make contact with seokjin after every horrible thing he did to the older guy.

“t-thank you..” Yoongi managed to stopped crying and whispered the words out loud.

“I know” They let go of the hug and Seokjin then place a small kiss on Yoongi’s red and wet cheeks.

....

At that time, only the objects and the cupcakes in their living room could be able to hear and sense how loud the two hearts were beating.