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"You've been going to the surface more often lately," said Dazai out of the blue. "Found something you like? Or is it someone? It must be someone."

Whatever lie Atsushi would tell, Dazai would see right through it. He turned away and bit the inside of his cheek.

"Not telling."

"Aw, so mean. I thought you would at least show them to me, this human of yours."

"H-Human? What human?" Atsushi stuttered, and he was sure his face went pale. Dazai laughed— he had many laughs, and that particular one said he was amused but not too interested. He ruffled the younger's hair then went to hang around the females, and only then Atsushi exhaled. He waited long enough to draw off Dazai's suspicions before he started to the surface.

Everyone teased him about wandering around too much, but they weren't cruel about it; they knew he hadn't lived there as long as they did. He had been born and raised between walls of glass, bought and sold between traders, until the war came and his owner put him on a ship to take him overseas. The ocean was there, mere steps away from him and his tank wasn't sealed— all he had to do was jump. His captors jumped after him but they could only swim so deep, and then he was free. There'd been sharks and whales but he survived. The underwater village he found was warm and friendly; accepting Atsushi, a stranger who knew nothing of the sea, and even giving him a name. They were never cruel about it, but it didn't mean they understood. To Atsushi, the ocean would always be new and exciting, but he could never feel at home.

When he wandered back to the surface for the first time, the sky was no longer crimson with war fire and he thought, maybe, just maybe, the upper world wasn't as scary as he knew it to be. Atsushi still didn't risk getting close to the humans and only ever went around deserted shores. His favourite shore was one with a high castle, for no fishermen ever sailed there. It was just him and his dolphin friends until the prince arrived.

He knew the man was a prince from the pin on his cloak; a symbol he remembered seeing on banners back in his time in captivity. It intrigued him that such a important person should sit alone and read aloud by the sea, so he hid behind the rocks and listened. At first it was curiosity, then he wanted to know the end of the story. When that book ended and the prince picked another, Atsushi could no longer put a name on what made him return to that shore every morning, without telling anyone where he went or what he found.

The prince's voice was gruff as if rarely used, and thus gave a conviction that whenever he spoke, one must listen. There was an air about it, an intensity that made everything he said seem so important. Even so, Atsushi understood that the book the prince was reading was a work of fiction. Sometimes he'd gasp at an unexpected developement and the prince would go silent, undoubtedly aware that he wasn't alone. He would get up and look around the rocks, "come out, I won't hurt you," he would say, and Atsushi would hold his breath until the prince gave up.

Except this time, Dazai appeared out of thin air.

"I knew there was a human," he grinned victoriously. Atsushi could only shush him in panic— the prince stopped reading and his light steps came close. "You've never spoken to him?" Atsushi's silence was all the answer needed. "Heeeeeh... how boring."

Only when the steps went away did Atsushi exhale.

"What's so special about him anyway?" asked Dazai after no more than a glance at the human.

"Well—" Atsushi fought for an argument— "he's a prince."

"Hm, I never heard of him."

"He's a prince on land, Dazai-san."

"I'd like to see him tell that to the sharks," Dazai huffed. "What does it matter to you that he's a prince on land?"

"So what? Look me in the eye and tell me he's not..." Atsushi trailed off, gazing at the prince. He almost lost himself again before he remembered what he was going to say. "H-handsome. He's handsome."

"You're so easy to please," Dazai sighed. "But you know what humans are like, I don't need to tell you. We should go."

Atsushi shook his head, "you go, I'm staying."

He was so taken in with the prince's voice that he didn't notice Dazai's worried frown as he swam away, and he relished in how the voice got louder, not thinking of what that meant. When the reading stopped, he looked up and the prince was there, standing high on the very rock that was Atsushi's hideout.

His first instinct was to flee.

"Wait!" shouted the prince.

Atsushi resurfaced with caution, watching the prince's expression for any sign of danger. It was the first time he got to see him this close, and those deep gray eyes blinked once, twice, thrice, before the words came out.

"You're a... a siren."

"No," he shrugged, the tension gone from his shoulders as he turned to face the human. "I'm not a siren, those are the females."

"Oh," the prince breathed. "But you can... you can sing like them, I'm sure."

"Of course," the merman swam closer, bracing his forearms on the stone. "Would you like to hear a song?"

"No."

The prince held his chin high and looked down at Atsushi. Atsushi felt the blood drain from his face, and the air had suddenly become too cold to bear.

"I know what the songs are for, don't take me for a fool. Your kind lures the sailors into the ocean with their songs, and whoever goes with you never returns."

"I—"

"I know you've been watching me. Are you— you are working for another kingdom, aren't you? Is this one of their tricks to spark back the war?"

"No—I'm not—"

Without warning the man grabbed a spear and readied to launch it at the merman, "tell me who ordered you to come here."

Atsushi jumped back with the memory of what blades did to his body— then he was furious. Dazai had told him and he knew it in his bones, in the scars that littered his back. He glared and without warning the prince threw the spear at him— Atsushi ducked away but it grazed his tail the slightest. A trail of blood floated and the sight of it, more than the sting of pain, brought forth years of bottled-up rage.

"All humans are the same, cruel and stupid!"

The prince was startled— the prince whose face never shifted for anything in the world— and something deep within Atsushi was satisfied. He didn't spare him another word as he disappeared into the depths, with a silent promise not to see that shore ever again. When Dazai asked him later on if he talked to the prince, he gave no light of what happened.

Yet Dazai had a way of knowing all sorts of things, and he must have seen the cut on Atsushi's tail. Dazai also had the habit of intruding on others' lives for his personal amusement, and maybe he thought it would cure Atsushi's insanity— because Atsushi must be insane, being a prisoner and a plaything for the humans for a half of his life then getting attracted to one of their kind. It didn't matter why. Dazai had done it again— it was a hobby, after all— he sang his song on a stormy night and lured the prince to the shore. All the merman had to do was wait out of sight, till the waves crashed too high and took the prince away with them.

That night, something nagged at Atsushi to follow Dazai from afar, fate or sheer luck, or that Dazai looked like he was onto a sheme. It should be luck, because when the prince fell it wasn't too far from Atsushi. There was little to think as he carried the fainted prince to the surface along with his bundle of feelings— he was sure to yell at Dazai when he returned. He was definitely not lovesick because he hadn't seen the prince for days.

The human didn't take long to wake up but then he was coughing his lungs out, louder than Atsushi ever heard him. When the coughing ceased after what seemed like forever, Atsushi hoisted him up on a rock. They looked at each other and the awkward fear rushed over him again— his survival instinct called him back to the depths and he could've gone if only that voice didn't catch him.

"Wait," said the prince, and Atsushi's muscles froze under his skin. "Wait," he repeated breathlessly. "I'm not going to hurt you, I... I shouldn't have thrown a spear at you, that time."

The memory almost got him furious again but the prince looked so embarrassed, and with his wet hair sticking on his face it was unexpectedly endearing— Atsushi felt his cheeks heat up and tried for something casual in return; "that's alright," he said at last. In the back of his mind he knew it was dark and fishermen nets could catch him anytime, but he didn't want to leave. "I'm sorry about my friend," Atsushi blurted. "He— he does this sort of thing, sometimes."

"Oh... I thought it was you, taking revenge."

"Over a small cut?" Atsushi couldn't help but laugh.

"Wars were made for less," the prince said quietly. Lips parted, he dabbed a finger on Atsushi's cheek and gasped, "you are real." As if he expected the merman to vanish into sea foam when they touched.

"Of course I'm real," Atsushi's laughed, and it became a shudder when the prince cupped his face. He tried to sound confident, yet his voice came out shaky, "you've not told me your name."

"You've not told me yours."

"Nakajima Atsushi," he answered quickly.

"Akutagawa Ryuunosuke, pleased to make your aquaintance at last."

"Ryuunosuke," Atsushi mouthed, "it's such a beautiful name." With the finger tracing his cheekbone coming still, he threw away the last silver of doubt and pulled the man down by his wrist, met him halfway before he could ask, and slotted their lips together, sloppily, hungrily, the longing in his heart bursting through. Warmth spread all over his body at Ryuunosuke's touch on his skin, hands on his arms and his back. Suddenly he felt conscious of his many scars and pulled away, but the prince chased his lips and held him close, his tail squirming between Ryuunosuke's legs.

It was beautiful, he decided, to be touched like this, like nothing was wrong with his body. It was beautiful, how the prince stole the breath from his lips and swept worry from his mind. It was beautiful when the prince leaned his forehead against Atsushi's, his face flushed and his eyes dark in the crisp of dawn. It was beautiful when the prince said he loved him, and he said it back. It was beautiful, most of all, when he smoothed Ryuunosuke's cheek with a trembling thump, then Ryuunosuke took his hand, kissed his knucles, and looked at him as if trying to burn Atsushi's face between his eye and his eyelid. It was worth everything, and he silently vowed that he would never let it go.

—

One thing Akutagawa liked was that in a deserted place like this, no one would comment on his gruff voice and how he stopped to cough every page or so. He could read aloud in peace, far away from those who gossiped behind his back that he, the weak and sickly prince, may not live long enough to take the throne.

He understood since he was little, his father was a busy man and had to deal with bigger matters than a child who coughs too much. So he lived with it, and when he came of age, a certain healer suggested that the prince takes a rest at the royal castle on the shore, where the ocean air could cleanse his lungs. He departed there, taking no more than his books and the dreams his father placed upon his shoulders.

It was at once strange and not at all, that he was excited by the promise of solitude.

And it had been wonderful, mind-cleansing more than lung-cleansing. But then he met that strange beautiful creature and his days now held a different sort of excitement that he had yet to understand.

The cough didn't shake his core when it came, it merely scratched his throat and the realization was so sudden that he almost missed the ripple in the water, and the light splash. He held back a smirk and returned his gaze to his book.

"I know you're here," he said in a neutral tone.

"You're no fun at all," came the answer with a sigh. In the corner of his vision he saw Atsushi brace his forearms on the lowest rock. There was no resisting the pull of those eyes, and he found himself by the merman's side in an instant. The merman's smile softened as he pulled him into a kiss, a simple brush of lips that left Akutagawa more dazed than he would ever admit. "Hello," the merman whispered, and he giggled when Akutagawa didn't answer. He added then, "I brought a friend today."

With a whistle a dolphin came forth, nudging its head on Atsushi's side and coaxing a genuine laugh out of him. The sound had Akutagawa in trance, and he almost missed it when the merman spoke to him again.

"You can touch it, don't be shy."

"Shy? Like you're one to talk," Akutagawa snickered.

Atsushi glared and splashed water on him, which he dodged in time. The dolphin whistled and Atsushi turned back to it, "I know right? humans are so boring. You're much smarter than they are." Akutagawa felt his brow twitch.

"I suppose the dolphin can read you the rest of the book too, as it is so smart."

"Fine, don't finish it, I'll just go back to the sea."

Atsushi narrowed his eyes and Akutagawa took the challenge. It was a useless game, Atsushi would come around in the end, he always did, but pride was a thing. Finally, Akutagawa's shoulders slumped as he sighed.

"Will you sit by me if I read to you?"

Atsushi's face split into a grin and he held out his arm for Akutagawa to pull him up. He sat next to the prince and listened, his tail flicking left and right with every word. Sometimes he put his chin on Akutagawa's shoulder. Sometimes he contented himself with holding Akutagawa's free hand, looking over his fingers like they were some work of art.

A few pages later, Akutagawa snapped his book shut and frowned when Atsushi didn't notice. The merman did have his usual cheer, but his mind seemed to drift elsewhere and back to Akutagawa too many times to ignore. When the prince voiced his concern, Atsushi tried to brush it off but he couldn't run from Akutagawa's penetrant gaze.

"It's Dazai-san, he disappeared. No one knows where he went. I didn't tell anybody, but I've seen him a few weeks ago on the surface, with a fisherman. They were... they were in love. It's funny, because Dazai-san used to think humans are stupid and not worth his time," Atsushi gave a dry laugh. "I've not seen him ever since."

Akutagawa hummed. "You think he's been captured?" It was no secret that fishermen hunted mermaids either for their flesh or to sell to circuses and traveling attractions. Akutagawa was already thinking of whether he could get a royal guard to look for Atsushi's friend.

"How unromantic of you, Ryuunosuke," Atsushi rolled his eyes. "And offending; I'm pretty sure that anyone trying to hurt Dazai-san is asking for his own death. He ran away with the man he loves. He asked a sorcerer to change his tail into human legs. It couldn't be anything else."

"I thought that was only in the fairy tale."

"But it is true," Atsushi said, "that tale; where the prince marries a human girl and ignores the mermaid who loved him so selflessly." There was subtle anger in his tone, and Akutagawa shivered. "Her spirit in the sky watches over all merpeople, and tells us not to trust people of the upper world. I'm certain she's very ashamed of me."

The prince swallowed, not knowing how to respond. Panic bubbled inside when Atsushi's silent gaze landed on his face again.

"Dazai-san must have made a sacrifice to be able to live on the surface; his voice, his eyesight, anything the sorcerer finds of value."

"And then he becomes human," Akutagawa breathed.

"And then he becomes human," Atsushi sighed.

"So, if you see the sorcerer," Akutagawa started, "and give him something of yours, you'll be able to come live with me, here. Then we'll get married and you'll be rule beside me when I take the throne, and we'll be the happiest people who ever lived."

"Will you still love me if I lose such things?"

"Of course."

Akutagawa spoke too quickly, then he realized that Atsushi would give up his spellbinding sunset-coloured tail. Atsushi must have seen the doubt in his expression as his own face fell.

"You're much like the princes in the tales you read for me. You meet someone you like and you want to marry them at once. I wouldn't know how to rule beside you, or anything you want me to do— I won't be any good. I think it's fine to stay like this, you and I." And when you don't love me anymore, I can go back to the sea, Atsushi didn't say, but Akutagawa heard it all the same. "I really do love you," the merman brushed his thumps on Akutagawa's cheeks. "But I can't just do anything you ask. Now tell me you're not mad at me, so I can go home."

"I'm not mad," Akutagawa answered mechanically.

"Then I'll see you tomorrow." Atsushi smiled and kissed him before he jumped into the sea, and Akutagawa spent the night thinking of how there was something very wrong with the whole conversation, and how Atsushi's voice faltered when he said 'home'.

-

"The war is coming back." Akutagawa couldn't bring himself to add, it may become too dangerous for you to come around here. "This time the enemy's accusing us of stealing their queen's necklace— it's rather an empty excuse. I'm sure they are hiding this necklace somewhere so they can tell this lie."

"They would make war over just that?"

"There have been stupider reasons. Though this necklace is supposed to be a part of their country's heritage. I'm told it has a huge red diamond, though I've never seen it. I never really care about these matters, but— there's a village of monks somewhere in between, where the battles will be. That village will be unnecessarily destroyed in this tantrum. I suppose nothing can be done about that— they have to leave. But the reason I'm telling you—" Akutagawa considered not finishing that sentence, but Atsushi kept looking at him expectantly. "Father wrote me that if it comes to that, I should be with him in the front lines."

Atsushi's brows knit together and he seemed to be thinking too hard, as his eyes wandered around the sea. Akutagawa was about to ask when the merman spoke, voice octaves higher than his usual feather-light tone.

"I won't be able to see you for a few days, I have to go somewhere! But I'll definitely come back, please wait for me here!"

He pulled Akutagawa into a deep kiss that ended too soon and too sudden, then he was gone, leaving behind the prince baffled and clueless.

Akutagawa waited on the shore everyday after that, and the more he waited, the more his worry grew. Four days later a raven came from his father; the infamous jewel had miraculously been found and the war negotiations came to a halt. Peace was guaranteed for the time being. Yet Akutagawa did not feel relief until he saw Atsushi at the shore.

He was prepared to yell at the merman for worrying him so much, but Atsushi kissed him so hard he might've fainted, then held on so tight as if he'd been the one worried sick all those days.

"There'll be no war, right?" he murmured, still panting for breath.

"Right," Akutagawa answered, his scolding forgotten in surprise. "Father wrote me about it. The necklace appeared out of thin air. The monks happened to find it into the... woods." He paused, studying Atsushi's face, and almost punched himself at the realization. Amongst the stories Atsushi had told him of the sea, sometimes he spoke of the jewels he found in the sunken ships. "It was you! Why didn't you tell me? Why did you risk— don't you know what they could've done to you?"

"They're monks, Ryuu!" the merman snapped. "I knew they wouldn't hurt me."

Akutagawa sat back and tried to calm down.

"You even knew not to take that thing to our enemies," he breathed. Atsushi bit his lip. "They could pretend they never received it. And you knew not to give it to me, as I would be accused of holding onto it all this time. Only the neutral party would do."

"I learned a thing or two from the stories you've been reading me," Atsushi said quietly. "And I lived up here for so long. I know how humans lie."

It was then that Akutagawa knew— or he might have known all along— what it meant to be loved by such a beautiful soul. It occured to him that he may never be able to do something as heroic as what Atsushi just did, and it made him feel so small. The tales Atsushi liked most had people who walked through fire for their beloved, and perhaps that's why he did what he did— no, he only thought of what's important to him. And he must have been so afraid; if Akutagawa were to take such risks just to prove his undying love for Atsushi, Atsushi would probably laugh and tell him he didn't have to. The merman didn't want heroic sacrifices, nor unnecessary blood shed. What Atsushi wanted— running away from his captors, wandering around the sea, getting lost into stories of fiction— always looking for home— Ryuunosuke would give it to him. Or at least he would try. He was always out of touch with his own heart till this creature of the sea came along and made Akutagawa want to cherish him. And how could he not cherish Atsushi— Atsushi who never had to do anything except be his clever, compassionate self, breathtaking with his bicolored eyes, gold and a purple that were far more royal and proud than the prince should ever hope to be. Atsushi who hated war not out of cowardice, but because he's seen for himself the horror it left behind.

"You went all the way there and spoke to the humans who frighten you."

"For you," Atsushi smiled tiredly. "It was all for you. I don't want you to die at war."

"Let's get married," Akutagawa said and the merman gasped. He took Atsushi's face in his hands and held his gaze. "I want you to call me out on every stupid thing I would do. I want you to rule with me when the time comes. You'll be the best ruler this land has ever known. It will be an honor. My home will be your home. And I will love you no matter what you lose. I will never leave you behind like the prince in the tale. I will never consider you incomplete, I will never let anyone hurt you, and I swear on my kingdom's pride that you won't ever regret choosing me."

Atsushi looked into the prince's eyes and all he saw there was love, and he briefly wondered if at that time, the doubt in them had been a pigment of his imagination. It was in that moment that he understood for the first time, why Dazai went after his human, and why the mermaid in the tale did not kill her prince eventhough she had to, so she could come back the sea. There was no going back. He could no longer stay at sea, it became so empty when Ryuunosuke looked at him like that, and it hollowed him out. The upper world was no longer so scary, with Ryuunosuke holding his hand— Atsushi only ever regretted what he didn't do. It made more sense to him than anything he had ever heard. When dusk came, they parted ways with a promise to meet again at sunrise. Atsushi delved into the dark side of the ocean after that, knowing exactly where he should go.

The sorcerer eyed him with no interest and asked the same question he always asked.

What are you willing to give up?

Atsushi shifted uncomfortably, anything.

Your memories then, said the sorcerer. You've lived in the world of humans, you know their ways and their customs. Your head is full of useful information that you've rarely used. I shall make use of it when I come to the surface as well.

No! Atsushi panicked. If I don't remember him then what's the point of doing this at all?

The sorcerer loomed over him, eyes gleaming beneath a cascade of dark hair.

If you love your prince as much as you think you do, his memory will not be easy to take away. And you shall remember that you wished to forget all else.

The bargain seemed fair to Atsushi, his memories were full of pain and fear anyway. But when his head started to spin, the merman realized too late that the sorcerer might have lied.

-

When sunrise came Atsushi's body was limp in the water, his new limbs still not responding, and even if they did he had no idea how to swim with them. The waves carried him towards the shore. He could see a black figure wandering around the beach, steps frantic, and it wouldn't stay still. Atsushi smiled to himself, he will see me, he will get to me, and I'll be fine.

He spent days in bed at the castle, getting used to the ridiculous needs of the human body, because merpeople did not sleep and did not need to pee. He had to learn so much all over again, starting with his own name. Akutagawa asked him what he sacrificed and he didn't know. But from the headache he got whenever he tried to think of what happened before he met the prince, he had a pretty good idea.

He knew what he used to be, he knew why he left it behind, but the gaps in his memory still bothered him. There were scars on his back and his arms, and even the legs he didn't have for long— is this what I wanted to let go, he thought to himself.

"Am I different than who you fell in love with, without my memories?" he asked after days of hesitation.

"People are much more than what happened to them in the past, at least, that's what I believe." Ryuunosuke expected him to be content with that answer, but his lover still looked distant. "Atsushi, why did you refer to yourself like that, when you are right here," he added and it was the furthest thing from a question. Atsushi shook his head and smiled, then he followed the prince to the garden with a new spring in his step.

When he started feeling well, Ryuunosuke told him that they had to go to the capital and have Atsushi properly introduced to the people. Ryuunosuke was mostly afraid of his parents; bringing them this young man who drifted out of nowhere and stole the prince's heart. Yet the king and queen were a lot nicer than Akutagawa gave them credit for.

"So you hit your head, and now you remember nothing before you met my brother? How curious," inquired the princess Gin. Ryuunosuke felt a shiver down his spine.

"I remember someone telling me that it's better to forget," Atsushi answered her. "Though I don't know why. But it's alright, I remember the times I spent with Ryuunosuke. I can recall every conversation we had." And every kiss, Akutagawa's mind filled in the blank. Atsushi glanced at him knowingly and added, "I even remember that time you threw a spear at me."

"I was hoping you forgot," Akutagawa winced.

"You're always throwing spears at people," Gin laughed lightly behind her hand. Akutagawa shot her a glare.

"But Gin-chan isn't any better," the king chuckled, turning to her. "Try being nice to Tachihara-kun next time he's here, will you?"

The princess twisted her mouth in disgust yet blushed all the same, and laughter filled the room. The king then moved to his son's side. Now, softened with age and no longer the man who scared the souls out of his enemies, he seemed more relaxed than Ryuunosuke had ever seen him.

"I can finally die in peace," he said softly, "now that my only son has managed to find a charming young man to be his husband. I cannot fathom how you did it with your gruff personality, Ryuunosuke-kun," he teased, ruffling his son's hair. "But I'm happy that I don't have to worry about you anymore."

Needless to say, Akutagawa was so mortified he couldn't look his father in the face for a week.

A bal was thrown in Atsushi's honor, and he was introduced to all the nobles and the flashy robes and uniforms. He stepped on Ryuunosuke's foot only six times when they danced; he considered it a success. He spent the next day massaging the prince's feet and bickering over more dance lessons.

When time came to be introduced to the people, Akutagawa led the royal parade out of the castle on his black horse. Atsushi sat behind him, clinging to his back for dear life. While the people cheered, he could hear their whispers about the unusual colors of his hair and his eyes. The questions of where the handsome stranger came from made him self-concious. In the crowd, a man stood out, sitting on someone's shoulders and waving frantically. When Atsushi noticed him, the man seemed satisfied. There was something about him that made Atsushi's head hurt, the way his brown hair curled around his face, or how Atsushi felt like he was missing on some important scheme of fate— the man gave him a nod and a warm smile. It didn't make any sense, but he nodded back, tightening his hold on the warm body in front of him as the parade marched through the city.