Archive of Our Own ^beta

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Harry's POV:
It was my first day at school. It was for us all. I did know some people there, my best friends were there. We were all very excited, to say the least. However, a small part of me knew that things were going to change. I knew that the chances of having my best friends in my class were very slim.

I was nervous. I was so anxious that I barely heard my name getting called out. As we got into our new class I took a look around the room and spot some familiar faces. I was quite pleased with my class. I had a few of my best friends so at least I wasn't going to be lonely.

One boy stood out to me though and it wasn't for that reason. He was the principle's son and everyone was aware of that. I wanted to stay away from him as much as possible, literally. I treated him as if he had some type of disease or something.

People in the van used to talk about him a lot. They used to say he's bossy and ugly and I agreed with them so they'd include me in their conversations.

He wasn't ugly, to be honest. He had short fake blonde hair and blue eyes. He had full pink lips. His teeth needed a bit of fixing. His name was Niall by the way. Niall Horan. And I'm Harry Styles.

Out of all the seats in the classroom, guess who was put in front of me? Niall. He would turn around offering me biscuits and I'd always politely say no. He was popular but I didn't think they were really his friends and I still do. Most people are his friends because of his dad's position.

Anyway, he kept turning around to offer me his food and he'd talk to me all the time but I used to run away from him. He scared me for some reason.

It wasn't until I was upset because my two best friends started leaving me out. That's when we actually talked...

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Hey guys! So what do you think of the story? Should I continue?

Love,

creativemind7 xx

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Harry's POV:

I was lonely for a couple of days. It's not because I didn't have any friends... I actually did a lot. I had met many people that year and I was kind of a part of Niall's group. I was spacing a lot. I was sitting behind Niall like you know and I was fighting with my friend who was next to me. Niall was really concerned and kept passing notes and telling me that everything is gonna be ok.

I somehow calmed down after hearing his soothing voice. That was the end of that. By time, I was one of the most popular guys in my grade and I have to admit it felt really good. Being famous and all that.

After a while, the teacher changed our places and Niall was right next to me. He knew who I was sitting next to because as I was walking into class he was beaming and I asked if he was ok. He pointed to our desks and I was screaming inside. How could the teacher do this to me? I was one of her favourite students.

I tried to act as happy as possible and Niall seemed to buy my crappy acting at least. He kept talking to me and I was trying to look the other way. Man, he really doesn't take a hint.

In April, the group (including Niall) went to Mc Donalds and it was kind of the best day ever. I had a really good time. I stopped ignoring Niall by that time. I accepted my destiny. I knew he had to be a big part of my future and boy was I right?!

We sat next to each other and he completely ignored everyone else by the table. In one of the group photos, he's literally just standing next to me and looking at me while everyone else was staring into the camera lens.

There was something different about Niall. He made me feel special but I didn't know why. Well, now I do. He made me smile all the time. The day after Mc Donalds we had a picnic with all the girls in our grade. We played football together most of the time.

Come May and we're sitting at a table at school holding hands. We used to hug and hold hands a lot at that time. It made me feel good. I realized that after it stopped. See, after that week everything changed. He started acting weird but we were still best friends. Just not inseparable like we were.

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Harry's POV:

I hated not being close to Niall. He started staying with Liam and Louis a lot and it bothered me. In the last month of school, the teacher changed our places and I was on the other side of the class. In the beginning, we'd look at each other all the time. That stopped too. He stopped turning but I didn't. I would stare at him for ages. There was something different about him. I just couldn't put a finger on it.

Summer came way too soon and I would only see Niall once a week for football practice. However, whenever we had to choose partners it was me most of the time so I was quite happy. During summer, he got much closer to Louis, like a lot closer. I wanted it to be me, not Louis.

September came again and Niall and I were in different classes. It broke my heart and I couldn't concentrate the entire day. Louis was with Niall though and it pissed me off. I hated them together even though they were both my best friends. Oh, and by the way, I almost forgot!

In August we had a 2-day sleepover at my friend's place. We had to board a ship and all that. We played water games and at night we slept next to each other. He kept crawling over to my side while he was sleeping. I had the sudden urge to kiss him. I didn't understand why but I did. I didn't kiss him though. He'd hate me if I did.

What if he woke up?
Would I be able to look at his face without thinking about the kiss?
How guilty would I feel?

So I just didn't kiss him. He was cuddling with me and I kissed his arm gently. It felt nice. His skin was soft and had a nice smell. That's when I decided that I liked him.

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Harry's POV:

Obviously, things were awkward for me and Niall. I made things awkward I guess. We fought all the time and sometimes we still do. But we always make up claiming that we love each other. There was another time things were awkward again. It was a whole other level of awkward. I was at his house along with two other friends. It was all fun and games at first. We watched a movie, but Niall fell asleep.

I was tired too if I'm honest but I couldn't sleep so I faked sleeping. We were next to each other though and it made my stomach twist and turn. I did sleep for an hour. During that hour Niall and I changed positions and his foot was in between my legs while my hand found it's way to the back of his thigh. Ashton and Alex hadn't slept at all. In fact, when I came to I found them taking pictures of Niall and me.

The next morning, they showed us the pictures and we were both blushing hard. That was the end of that.

Another time, Niall, Ash and Alex came over to my place. Nothing really happened that night apart from Alex and Niall sleeping in the same bed, which by the way was my bed. I was obviously jealous so I didn't speak to them.

When they were both asleep, Ashton and I got up and grabbed a couple of markers. We headed to where Alex and Niall were sleeping and we drew on them. Then, Ash headed back to the couch while I remained in the room. He was really cute. Niall I mean. I had that sudden urge to kiss him again and I found myself leaning forward. It was like I had no control over my whole body and I was being possessed by some evil spirit.

Thankfully, Niall turned around and I snapped out of it. When we all woke up, we had breakfast and we were all pretty silent. We all headed out and went shopping. Well more like just making fun of ugly clothes at shops but whatever. Then we went to Mc Donalds and Niall and I had to order. We waited for a long time together. It was very awkward and then we had to sit across each other. They were all separate tables of 2. Then I had to drive him home.

It felt like he kept punching me but I deserved it

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Harry's POV:

I was really getting confused then... Did I like him or did I not? I felt needy of him sometimes but for a long time every time I'd text him he'd reply with something like haha or ok or Yass and then he'd say got to go sorry. At least this week he didn't say gtg or anything.

He still hung out with the others a lot but he still talked to me. All I wanted was for me to tell him the truth about how I feel but I know I can't.

I tried ignoring him so many times but it would end up in a fight. I also tried opening up to someone about it. I told my friend Michael first I thought he'd understand. At first he was cool about it but then he started threatening me. He told me either you tell Niall that you like him or I will.

So I told Karl about everything. And Paul and Leon. But they were all good friends of Niall so I just played it off as a prank.

Goes to show how I really can't trust anyone. I'm scared to tell my mum!!

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It's bittersweet really. I mean the principal hates me for hurting his son obviously but what I don't get is how I'm the only one that looks guilty. Right now, Niall and I are on a bit of a break because apparently our relationship is toxic and we keep hurting each other. At least that's what Mr Sam said.

Niall wanted the help of a teacher which deep down I strongly disagreed with and I still do. Mr Sam said that Niall and I should just be friends.

I was pissed as hell, to say the least. Of course, I didn't want the stupid break from our friendship. I didn't want to let Niall go but slowly, slowly I am but it hurts too much. Especially when he's with Louis. I'm not sure of how I feel.

All I know is that I'm sexually confused. I don't know if I'm gay, straight, bisexual, pansexual or anything else. I think I do like Niall like that and I act a bit touchy with some of my guy friends but I don't know if that means anything.

But I can't be anything other than straight. My friends would hate me. I once tried talking to Joseph about liking Niall and he avoided me and I lost a best friend. I don't get what everyone's problem with being gay is. I just can't understand. Isn't everyone supposed to be happy? Shouldn't everyone have the right to like anyone they want?

Who you decide to like shouldn't change anything at the end of the day. But this will be something I'll never understand.

Back to Niall... I find myself thinking about him every night and it's really frustrating and no not in that sense. What I mean is that I can't get him out of my mind. I started writing this song about him the other day:

I think I'm gonna lose my mind,
Something deep inside me, I can't give up,
I think I'm gonna lose my mind,
I roll and I roll 'til I'm out of luck, yeah,
I roll and I roll 'til I'm out of luck,
I'm feeling something deep inside,
Hotter than a jet stream burning up,
I got a feeling deep inside,
It's taking, it's taking all I've got, yeah,
It's taking, it's taking all I've got
'Cause nobody knows you, baby, the way I do,
And nobody loves you, baby, the way I do,
It's been so long, it's been so long, maybe you are fireproof,
'Cause nobody saves me, baby, the way you do

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Harry's POV:

Today's the world cup final. I'm siding with Croatia and so is Niall. Niall along with some other friends are joining me for lunch to watch the game. We both arrive early and we sit at a table with Joe and Carl. He drags the chair next to me and it surprises me. Before a couple of others came he made conversation with me mainly about football. We later switched tables because the waitress gave us the wrong table.

I sat at the head of the table and he sat on the couch on my right. He wasn't right next to me but I shrugged it off. He kept showing me football posts until the game started. When Croatia scored a point we both started cheering loudly and laughing. That's when I realized that I wasn't over him, at all. I thought I was but I guess I was wrong.

I caught him staring at me a couple of times and smiling. Luca started arguing with me about football. Luca is basically the biggest bitch there is and well 3 words: I hate him.
He plays football with Niall and I but he's scared of the ball or something. He can barely hit it.

Niall suddenly spoke up and agreed with me. "Don't get into this Ni" Carl told him but Niall ignored him and continued agreeing with me and insulting Luca. It felt good to know he had my back.

As I went home I realized one thing - I want Niall back

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Harry's POV:

I keep dreaming of Niall at night. He always has to be a part of my dreams. I also can't stop thinking about our memories together before everything got so complicated. I remember every hug, every time we held hands and every conversation we had.

I remember us talking during Math and getting in trouble.

I remember when we were supposed to change our places after the Easter holidays but we changed our places 2 months after that.

I remember how sad we both were when we walked into class and found out we weren't sitting next to each other anymore.

I remember him crying his eyes out when I told him I had to stay away from him and didn't give him a reason. The reason was that of my feelings for him.

I remember the many conversations we had. Each time I read them I burst into tears:

H: All I wanted for the last week of school was to spend it with you

N: And I still do

H: The best was when we were inseparable

N: Exactly so let's be

H: I think it's too late for that now

N: Just say it you never wanted to be friends with me

H: What? No

N: See?

H: Idk what to say

N: But u still don't

H: Whatever I say is gonna backfire

H: Ur so nice on chat but in real life u ignore me

N: I'm not gonna ignore u. U hate me, admit it

H: I don't hate u

N: U hate me but I love u

H: I don't hate u Ni, I loved u. I don't wanna lose u

N: Neither do I. I love u very very much u have no idea I never had a friend like u. I want to be your friend and I'm sry for every hurting u, u have no idea how much I love u. I really do. Hope we can be friends. I love u.

H: I'm not your best friend so you don't have to apologize or even care

N: I wish you were

He used to tell me I love you daily and now he doesn't. Well, I don't blame him. I'm mainly the reason as to why we're not close anymore. I feel like we're getting there though especially after yesterday. He makes me feel alive.