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Chapter Text

simonjewis has added izfightwood, afightwood, maiamoon, jacewaysterndale, clarebear, raphsantiago, and lyds.

simonjewis: hi!

afightwood: no.

afightwood has left the chat

maiamoon has added afightwood

maiamoon: we're all in this together, my friend

afightwood: but i don't wanna

jacewaysterndale: don't worry babe this is a great idea

simonjewis: thanks j!!

raphsantiago: simon as your more responsible boyfriend i say this is one of your stupider ideas

raphsantiago: you've had plenty of stupid ideas

afightwood: i second that

izfightwood: alec shut up this is fantastic

lyds: i am impartial

clarebear: good one simon

clarebear: jace is also only saying that so he can mooch off everyone's homework

jacewaysterndale: no!!

maiamoon: clary is writing a novel

clarebear: and alec is moody because everyone in this chat is in a happy relationship except for lydia but she's aro and doesn't need a man or woman 

izfightwood: *woman by ke$ha plays in the background*

clarebear: and alec's crush is not here

afightwood: cLARY

afightwood: i mean

afightwood: what crush i don't have a crush piss off

izfightwood: i know who it is

jacewaysterndale: same

clarebear: same

maiamoon: same

simonjewis: same

lyds: same

raphsantiago: same

afightwood: no ho don't do it

izfightwood: i am not a ho!!!

clarebear: weLL..

izfightwood: shitty girlfriend you are

clarebear: love you babe

izfightwood: love you too and alec im gonna expose you

raphsantiago: it's magnus bane

afightwood: oh mY GOD nO it's NOT i don'T HAVE A CRUSH or EmOTIONS

izfightwood: raphael you stole my thunder

jacewaysterndale: knew it

maiamoon: knew it

simonjewis: knew it

lyds: knew it

clarebear: knew it

izfightwood: i was gonna be the exposer i knew it

raphsantiago: i was the exposer so i knew it

afightwood: no no no

afightwood: everything is going wrong

maiamoon added magicbane

magicbane: well hello

izfightwood: HI!!!

alightwood left the chat

jacewaysterndale added afightwood

maiamoon: alec and i are together i'll give you the play by play

magicbane: of what?

magicbane: oh hello alexander

maiamoon: only a slight flush, nothing major

afightwood: i have no clue what you're talking about maia please shut up you lying liar who lies

lyds: o u c h

afightwood: and hi magnus

magicbane: what is this group chat about?

simonjewis: well we've been roasting me a lil bit, complimenting lydia on her badassery of aromanticness and exposing alec

maiamoon: he's getting redder, doing that thing where he doesn't stop licking his lips

izfightwood: he does that when he's eMBARRASSED

magicbane: exposing what

afightwood: ok y'all shut up until im done

maiamoon: he is now writing a novel

afightwood: if izzy doesn't shut up, i'll pick the lock to her makeup cabinet because i know how and i'll burn her sephora stuff, if jace doesn't shut up i won't get a tattoo with him on his birthday, if clary doesn't shut up, i'll take back the paintbrushes i got her yesterday, if maia doesn't shut up, i'll burn her leather jacket, if simon doesn't shut up, i'll beat him up and raphael is my level of scary so yeah he can just shut up with no consequences. same w lydia

afightwood: ok i'm done now feel free to expose me while knowing my power over you

lyds: i wouldn't expose you

afightwood: thanks lyds

magicbane: that was hot

maiamoon: he choked and is now coughing

maiamoon: ok his coffee saved him

simonjewis: honestly alec's coffee is just as black as his soul

afightwood: thank you

clarebear: not the p a i n t b r u s h e s!!

izfightwood: leave my girlfriends paintbrushes alone pls

jacewaysterndale: you prOMISED taTTOOS!!

raphsantiago: respect

simonjewis: raph he threatened to beat me up!??

raphsantiago: nobody else would dare do that because then i would destroy them but lightwood has balls so respect

maiamoon: and if he burned my leather jacket i would burn his

afightwood: ok youre safe but dont expose me

maiamoon: sure

maiamoon: jace wya

maiamoon: we ordered your fave cookie and everything

magicbane: are you guys together?

izfightwood: nah lydia clary and i are getting prom dresses

maiamoon: i already got mine 

simonjewis: im w raphael at the lake and jace doesnt wanna be near the ducks

maiamoon: so jace alec and i are waiting patiently at the cafe for jace so we can then study

jacewaysterndale: nah i dont wanna come anymore

simonjewis: we moved away from the lake and now hes being clingy

izfightwood: magnus how's camille?

magicbane: we broke up like 3 months ago bc she didnt accept me being bi u dont need to pretend to care about that bitch

izfightwood: omg is she homophobic

lyds: b i t c h

clarebear: well thats rude

simonjewis: you're bi??

magicbane: all the fish in the sea, sherman

maiamoon: alec has spilled his coffee and his now choking out profanity from his red ass face

afightwood: oh bite me

magicbane: gladly

maiamoon: he wasn't expecting that now you've made him choke

magicbane: i can make him do that too

maiamoon: i thought that shade of red on the human complexion wasn't possible

afightwood: leave me alone i don't deserve this disrespect

afightwood: !!!!

lyds: sure jan

Chapter Text

jacewaysterndale: guysssss

jacewaysterndale: guyssssss

jacewaysterndale: guysssssss

jacewaysterndale: GUYSSSSSSS

lyds: wHAT THE HOLY HELL DO YOU WANT

jacewaysterndale: i'm bored

afightwood: jesus jace it's 7:30 in the morning

izfightwood: well i'm awake now that was uncalled for

clarebear: i want pancakes

jacewaysterndale: same

izfightwood: same

simonjewis: oh me too

lyds: i'll have some

raphsantiago: now i'm awake yeah i'll have some too assholes

maiamoon: same

jacewaysterndale: and alec makes the bEST pancakes

afightwood: do i look like your bitch

magicbane: ooh did someone say pancakes

afightwood: jesus everyone get here by 8:15 or no pancakes

simonjewis: *whispers* can someone say w h i p p e d

clarebear: *high fives simon*

izfightwood: *winks at the both of them*

maiamoon: *fist bumps raphael*

raphsantiago: *smirks at jace*

jacewaysterndale: *nudges lydia*

lyds: *everyone smiles innocently at alec and magnus*

afightwood: the fact that those all came in the span of thirty seconds pisses me off

magicbane: *is very and thoroughly confused*

afightwood: get your asses over here pancakes are done

afightwood: and as soon as you finish i want you all out of the house 

izfightwood: its not ur house mister

jacewaysterndale: yeah

afightwood: you guys literally pay the rent every four months and texted me about pancakes while sitting in front of me

afightwood: MY HOUSE

magicbane: you don't live with your parents?

magicbane: i don't either but like we're highschoolers so like unique

izfightwood: our parents are divorced and our dad is homophobic and our mom is out of country for business a lot 

jacewaysterndale: she loves us but she's got to run the business 

afightwood: our dad was so pissed that we're all gayer than a rainbow

clarebear: "GAYER THAN A RAINBOW" oml my sENIOR QUOTE

clarebear: can't be mistaken foR A HETEROSTRAIGHT

jacewaysterndale: hurry up guys alec won't let us have our fucking pancakes till you guys are here

izfightwood: my senior quote: CAN'T BE MISTAKEN FOR A HETEROSTRAIGHT nice one babe

clarebear: thanks babe i try my best

maiamoon: my senior quote is: I'm about as straight as my hair

simonjewis: ASJEBDHBEIHBSK

jacewaysterndale: thAT WAS PRETTY FUCKING GOOD 

magicbane: BAHAHAHAHAHAHA

lyds: yOU KNOW WHAT WE SHOULD DO

lyds: EVERYONE MAKE THEIR SENIOR QUOTE REALLY FUCKING GAY

afightwood: MY SENIOR QUOTE: REALLY FUCKING GAY™

raphsantiago: wow these are pretty good

magicbane: senior quote: goodbi assholes. four years here were hell, but im still going there anyones because im gay

simonjewis: ADBSEBUDBXUEBIE

izfightwood: BEIXWBXAKJNXIWN

clarebear: BXWNOQHIHYUQBXBEKWN

jacewaysterndale: WVBAHJWBIDUEHNCKRN

maiamoon: XWBIKBNXKJDNOCRE

lyds: LMAO THAT WAS GOOD

afightwood: rip any homophobes at our school

raphsantiago: may they rest in peace at their straight ass afterlife

jacewaysterndale: FINALLY YOU GUYS ARE HERE I WANT MY PANCAKES

clarebear: im stuck in traffic

jacewaysterndale: you can choke

izfightwood: sorry we're female

jacewaysterndale: ....

jacewaysterndale: i don't get it

simonjewis: izzy he doesn't have a gag reflex so he can't choke

jacewaysterndale: oH WHAT IZZY NO

clarebear: *high fives girlfriend*

izfightwood: *high fives girlfriend and simon*

simonjewis: *smiles victoriously*

afightwood: are we all here

magicbane: clary and i are in a cab but there's traffic

magicbane: sorry darling

maiamoon: he burnt himself

afightwood: did not

afightwood: that's alright magnus

magicbane: i thought alexander couldn't be burnt

magicbane: you see, he's pretty hot himself

izfightwood: you broke him

izfightwood: video file attached

clarebear: y'all he was choking and you filmed him

jacewaysterndale: he was fine

afightwood: if you aren't careful you assholes are gonna lose pancake privileges

lyds: god forbid 

maiamoon: oh my god the room smells like chocolate chips

clarebear: WE'RE COMING DONT START YET

afightwood: ok i've got plain for jace, raphael and lydia, chocolate chip for clary, izzy and myself, strawberry for maia and magnus what do you want

magicbane: surprise me

maiamoon: now he's panicking

maiamoon: he's making chocolate chip

afightwood: maia do you even know what surprise means

lyds: remember that time we threw her the surprise party?

raphsantiago: yes it was beautiful

magicbane: why?

simonjewis: she punched me in the face from surprise

jacewaysterndale: you had a black eye for a week

maiamoon: that's what you get for fucking scaring me

simonjewis: surprise party, maia. SURPRISE.

maiamoon: whatever same thing

clarebear: we're here

izfightwood: omg magnus

izfightwood: your hair looks fantastic

jacewaysterndale: we're literally all sitting together at a kitchen island and texting

magicbane: thanks izzy

simonjewis: is that glitter? and red streaks

magicbane: problem, stanley?

simonjewis: i'm gay, and in a biracial relationship with two boyfriends

maiamoon: touche

simonjewis: i feel underdressed. i'm literally wearing sweatpants and no shirt, while raphael is wearing a suit, magnus looks like he came off a runway, lydia looks like a president and izzy is just flawless

jacewaysterndale: same

maiamoon: same

afightwood: our outfits are literally the same except my sweatpants are black

magicbane: and your abs are nicer

lyds: whats that sound

clarebear: i think thats alec dropping a pan on his foot

simonjewis: my abs are fine thanks

raphsantiago: *facepalms*

Chapter Text

magicbane: y'all pride parade tomorrow

izfightwood: hell yeah what's everyone wearing

clarebear: i have spare shirts for anyone who needs shit

clarebear: i'm wearing a black bra and jeans and rainbowing tf out of the rest of my skin

magicbane: i'm going shirtless and black jeans w body paint 

maiamoon: i dont think alec can handle that

lyds: rip

jacewaysterndale: oh same magnus but the store doesn't have any pink paint left so simon and i have an incomplete pansexuality flag

clarebear: no fear i have pink

jacewaysterndale: thanks b i'll grab a cab over

simonjewis: y'all i convinced raphael to wear jeans and a tank top!!

raphsantiago: yeah whatever but i need some purple shit for my demisexual thing that simon is making me do

simonjewis: he's letting me paint his arms!!! his bare arms!!!

magicbane: i got purple just come to my room

lyds: oh i forgot you guys lived together

lyds: i'm wearing an aro shirt and black jeans but w the highest heels to ever heel

lyds: like higher than whatever izzy has

izfightwood: damn thats pretty high

afightwood: ok i missed a lot

afightwood: i'm wearing a tank and black jeans

clarebear: rainbows?

afightwood: clary i'm gay what do you think

clarebear: literally thats the only colorful thing you have in ur closet and you've worn it three pride parades in a row

clarebear: go shirtless and let me and simon do body paint

afightwood: no

izfightwood: yes

afightwood: no

jacewaysterndale: yes

afightwood: no

lyds: yes

afightwood: maybe

maiamoon: yes

afightwood: maybe

magicbane: please?

afightwood: ....

afightwood: ugh fine

simonjewis: whipped

izfightwood: do u guys wanna come over and sleepover

jacewaysterndale: that is a great idea

raphsantiago: no sex jace

jacewaysterndale: its an ok idea

clarebear: yeah i'll come

afightwood: ok whatever izzy but we're ordering pizza im not cooking for nine people

simonjewis: im coming and so is raph

lyds: me too

maiamoon: im in as long as there are no surprises

magicbane: i'll come too

magicbane: i'll help paint alexander

magicbane: can't pass up an oppurtunity like that

afightwood: why are you so fucking smooth

magicbane: natural

raphsantiago: dios just go out or something the tension is so fucking annoying

magicbane: k

magicbane: alec do u wanna be my boyfriend

maiamoon: AHHHAUHDIENKJDWNK

izfightwood: BSWIXBQCUIBI

clarebear: JESXWJBCYRIJE

lyds: ASFEDVHXEWBKX

simonjewis: WHATTHEFUCKDXIENJKXOW

jacewaysterndale: OMGSBJXBWXNOEWo

afightwood: sure

afightwood: i need someone to kiss in front of the homophobes that'll try to trash the parade

maiamoon: you're freaking out rn arent you

afightwood: bro i dropped my cup of coffee and screamed and the neighbour screamed back

magicbane: nice one babe

afightwood: thanks

izfightwood: they're already domestic and have been together about one minute why aren't we this cute clary

clarebear: i brought you flowers yesterday and you said "thanks pumpkin head"

izfightwood: tru

izfightwood: guys come over im bored

jacewaysterndale: bring your shit as well if ur coming ur staying to sleepover

clarebear: in a cab w magnus and raph

simonjewis: on my way

lyds: me and maia are taking her motorbike

jacewaysterndale: that bike is so cool

afightwood: yeah

clarebear: idk i think simons ancient car is pretty lit

simonjewis: leave my car alone it drove you home from plenty of drunken nights

clarebear: one time, si, one time

magicbane: i come with many colors of paint

raphsantiago: we're here

afightwood: yea i'll get the door

izfightwood: i'll give the play by play

izfightwood: alec is blushing a lil bit but very minimal red im so proud

izfightwood: opens the door

izfightwood: well damn magnus looks fantastic black jeans leather jacket wooOO alec loves black wow is that red GliTTER AND PLATINUM STREAKS

izfightwood: OMGOMGOMG

clarebear: raph and i are still getting all the paint supplies out of the cab what's going on

izfightwood: MAGNUS KISSED ALEC

izfightwood: HAD TO TIP TOE AND EVERYTHING AND JUST PLANTED ONE ON HIM

izfightwood: ALECS LICKING SOME OF MAGNUS'S GLOSS OFF HIS LIP WITHA BIG ASS SMILE ON HIS FACE

maiamoon: whAT REALLY SEND A PIC

izfightwood: they ain't kissing anymore but hands are linked

izfightwood: picture attached

lyds: oh my lord that's so cute

jacewaysterndale: wow finally

magicbane: well thanks for the compliments izzy

izfightwood: was your gloss strawberry

afightwood: fuck yeah it was

afightwood: emphasis on was

magicbane: you didn't have to lick it all off

afightwood: sorry babe

magicbane: it's ok :)

afightwood: :)

clarebear: that's cute

maiamoon: thats gay

afightwood: i am gay

jacewaysterndale: alec WE KNOW

afightwood: couldn't have you mixing me up w a heterostraight

simonjewis: tHAT REMINDS ME

simonjewis: the other day me raph and jace were out

simonjewis: and this white girl came up to my latino ass and asked if jace was single

simonjewis: and i said no he is happily with two latino boyfriends

simonjewis: and then she raised an eyebrow and walked over to them

simonjewis: they talked a bit and then raphael got super pissed and just grabbed jace and lowkey made out w him in the middle of the cafe

simonjewis: then jace came over ad kissed me

simonjewis: and then i kissed raph

simonjewis: and do you know what white girl said?

simonjewis: she said "foursome? blondies the hottest, but you're all gorgeous." and we walked the fuck away because ew i dont deserve that disrespect

clarebear: oh MY GOD SHE DID THAT

magicbane: oh MY HOLY HELL THAT IS THE BITCHIEST BITCH OF ALL BITCHES was it camille in disguise

afightwood: you better hope tf it wasnt

magicbane: jealous, darling?

afightwood: well i don't like sharing what's mine

raphsantiago: they're making out now ew

lyds: whoa they're entering a room door closed wow

jacewaysterdale: bro that's my room

jacewaysterndale: they're defilinG MY ROOM

maiamoon: rest in peace jace

izfightwood: jace they're not gonna do the dirty deed they've been together like an hour

izfightwood: just some heavy making out

Chapter Text

afightwood: you know what i dont really wanna go shirtless

magicbane: babe

afightwood: ok fine

izfightwood: magnus help me write bi bitches on my arms

clarebear: are you wearing black or white bra

izfightwood: bitch im wearing red because thats the littest color ever

lyds: simon help me put on my shoes they're too tall

raphsantiago: i'll do it simon is still painting jace

jacewaysterndale: he painted hot pan on my pecs and painted each row of abs the pan flag and i feel complete

magicbane: i'm doing smth similar

magicbane: clary's writing bi bi bi on each row of my abs and then the bi flag on my back

magicbane: and you bitches can bet that i have rainbow glitter in my hair

maiamoon: can u help me do rainbow streaks in my hair i did the whitening bit already

lyds: my shoes are honestly higher than whatever drugs white college kids were on when they voted trump

afightwood: i just choked 

afightwood: oi i'm a soon to be white college kid

lyds: you didn't vote trump and you're gayer than frankie grande

afightwood: k

lyds: we're a pretty mixed up group

clarebear: one pansexual latino boy, one demisexual latino boy, one bisexual asian boy, one black polysexual girl, one bisexual white girl, one gay white boy, one lesbian white girl and one pansexual white boy

magicbane: i'm sorry all i could see was the word G A Y

raphsantiago: ^^

afightwood: can we leave i'm getting cold in the air conditioning

magicbane: no i have to do maia's hair and grab the flags

simonjewis: i've got my camera

magicbane: that's a fantastic idea solomon

maiamoon: omg magnus my hair looks fantastic

maiamoon: thankyouthankyouthankyou

magicbane: no problem sweetheart

afightwood: can we go this rainbow flag is my only coverage

magicbane: you look positively delectable darling

raphsantiago: ok lightwood did the thing where he cant stop licking his lips again

afightwood: shut up

clarebear: ok we'll take simon's van

izfightwood: ok we all look fantastic lets go

simonjewis: i was getting the van and this old white man gave me the evil eye and hes still here jace or raph come out i gotta kiss someone in front of him

jacewaysterndale: coming

raphsantiago: i'll do the play by play

raphsantiago: jace is walking out shirtless with all that gay stuff on him

raphsantiago: grabs simon by his tank and kisses him

raphsantiago: heavy making out

raphsantiago: old white man looks scandalized

raphsantiago: dios i think he's holding a bible is that motherfucker preaching at my boyfriends??

raphsantiago: he is!! what a homophobic bastard

raphsantiago: jace and simon still going strong

raphsantiago: jace flipped the bird at him

maiamoon: good

lyds: can we all come out

afightwood: already did that

lyds: not like that asshole, lets go outside and give him something to preach at

clarebear: amen sister

magicbane: lets gooooo

--

maiamoon: ok ok im filming this

lyds: i feel like a proud mom

raphsantiago: thOSE ARE MY BOYFRIENDS UP THERE!!

maiamoon: our best friends are fucking savages of course they get lifted by random ass strangers in the parade and make out with each other in front of the entire lgbt community of new york

raphsantiago: everyone's cheering im so proud

lyds: wow magnus is really shoving his tongue down alec's throat

maiamoon: nah clary's the most savage she's literally palming izzy's ass

raphsantiago: it was that trashy guy's fault he called them fags

lyds: he shoulda known better

maiamoon: was that cut on his face from your heel

lyds: shh don't expose me

maiamoon: still filming

maiamoon: oh damn they're done

raphsantiago: wow ok im lost where'd you all go

raphsantiago: soMEONE IS TRYING TO HIT ME UP HLEp

jacewaysterndale: i'm going in

simonjewis: the play by play

simonjewis: the guy's name is smth stupid like sebastian

simonjewis: jace of course has to pinch raph's ass

simonjewis: making out

simonjewis: sebastian asshat looks surprised

simonjewis: ok play is over

lyds: where did magnus and alec go

clarebear: being lifted still making out

jacewaysterndale: and izzy's singing beyonce with a bunch of random ladies

clarebear: imma join them

maiamoon: same

lyds: same

simonjewis: hey i love beyonce i wanna join

Chapter Text

clarebear: jfc

afightwood: what is it

izfightwood: you good babe

magicbane: do i need to gay away someone

maiamoon: i have a leather jacket and a motorbike im pretty scary

lyds: i have heels that can stab ppl

jacewaysterndale: i'm just intimidatingly gorgeous and can beat ppl up

simonjewis: i can run someone over with my ancient van

raphsantiago: whatever anyone said but better

clarebear: it's just sebastian and valentine

afightwood: i thought those assholes left you alone for years?

clarebear: the thing is, sebastian is miserable and even though he was an asshat he's in a predicament

clarebear: valentine wants to send seb to Edom Boarding School

raphsantiago: but the teachers are abusive

clarebear: exactly, and sebastian is scared

afightwood: didn't one teacher get so angry at a student that he burnt his skin with the science experiment

clarebear: yeah

izfightwood: so what does he want?

clarebear: he contacted me last night and asked to meet this morning. rn he goes to downworld high and he's a junior tho, one year younger than us, and valentine wants to send him there for senior year. hes got a part time at the library there and he's seen how the adults treat the students. they literally call the teachers demons

magicbane: yeah my dad works there

simonjewis: whAT?

magicbane: he's the principal- asmodeus. total asshole, made my mom kill herself after he left

afightwood: i'm sorry magnus

magicbane: it's alright darling, it was a long time ago

magicbane: tell sebastian to hang in there for a bit, i'll try and pull a few strings

clarebear: thanks so much magnus

magicbane: ok, moving on, did you see my twitter?? the video maia took of us at the parade blew up

lyds: they have ship names

lyds: malec, clizzy, and saphace

raphsantiago: i wasn't even up there

simonjewis: i have two boyfriends, not one. i make that known

afightwood: what the fuck is a malec

afightwood: clizzy sounds like a clitoris

izfightwood: wow this is not a barbeque i am not here to be roasted

magicbane: malec is our names combined, babe

afightwood: it sounds like a disease

magicbane: well it's our disease

maiamoon: that was very unintentionally cute

lyds: agreed

maiamoon: where did clary and izzy go

raphsantiago: oh dear

simonjewis: the search begins

izfightwood: help clary just chugged a bottle of beer and is now singing and texting ke$ha

simonjewis: the searc

clarebear: I'M A MotehzdERFUCKING WOMAN BABY ALRIGHT

afightwood: oh dear magnus just laughed and did the same thing

clarebear: I DONT NEED A MAN TO HOLD ME TOO TIGHT

magicbane: IM A MOTHERfIBC WOMAN

afightwood: babe if you were a woman we wouldnt be together

magicbane: oh no

afightwood: i think the beer magnus chugged was larger than clary's

magicbane: don't leave me please

magicbane: i love you

izfightwood: OH MY GOD

jacewaysterndale: OH MY GOD

simonjewis: OH MY GOD

maiamoon: OH MY GOD

clarebear: oHH MY GOD AHIDXEBi

lyds: oh my god

raphsantiago: well shit

afightwood: ....

magicbane: do you not love me?

magicbane: well fuck 

magicbane: but i still love you and i'll wait

afightwood: i love you too

izfightwood: OH MY GOD

jacewaysterndale: OH MY GOD

simonjewis: OH MY GOD

maiamoon: OH MY GOD

clarebear: oHH MY GOD AHIDXEBi

lyds: oh my god

raphsantiago: well shit

afightwood: but i'm also gonna put you to sleep, and delete all these messages so you can love me s o b e r

magicbane: loveloveloeaebaadlove

magicbane: alexanderalexanderlightwoodloveblodsiehrc

afightwood: he fell asleep after one beer wow

--

magicbane: well i did something stupid last night after one beer

magicbane: mixed with my cough medicine

magicbane: so yeah i am 83.456% sure i did something stupid

izfightwood: you sang woman by ke$ha and texted the lyrics at the same time and the professed your love for alec and then fell asleep after moping because alec didnt wanna say it back because he wasnt sure if you meant it while tipsy

magicbane: i dID WHAT

raphsantiago: i have it screenshotted because its not everyday something so beautifully miserable happens

simonjewis: raph not rn

raphsantiago: sorry babe

jacewaysterndale: don't worry babe i did the same thing

magicbane: well shit

afightwood: don't feel obligated to say it

magicbane: no I LOVE YOU 

magicbane: oh well shit

izfightwood: omG CLARY GOT SO EXCITED SHE FELL OUT OF BED

lyds: i did the same thing lmao

maiamoon: s a m e

afightwood: ....

magicbane: it's ok if you dont feel the same way i can wait

afightwood: i love you

izfightwood: HOLY SHIT

clarebear: AHHHHSIJXHNJS

simonjewis: jace is dead he's yelling "OT-FUCKING-P into the pillow"

maiamoon: ded

lyds: i died

raphsantiago: i was dead for a while already

maiamoon: where did they go

lyds: guess

maiamoon: oh

maiamoon: ew

maiamoon: thats mank

Chapter Text

izfightwood: clary

clarebear: yeah

izfightwood: will you officially be my prom date

clarebear: hell yeah

maiamoon: d o m e s t i c   f l u f f

simonjewis: do you know how jace promposed to raph and i?

simonjewis: he gave me a harry potter book and circled letters and i decoded it an spelt "go to prom with me?"

simonjewis: and raph got a new jacket with a note in the pocket

jacewaysterndale: i have my moments

magicbane: my moment was better

afightwood: oh dear

magicbane: i was totally wasted and we went out into the alley to make out and then i just started singing and alec laughed and he looked so very beautiful and i just dropped to my knee and promposed very loudly and turns out a few people were watching and they clapped

jacewaysterndale: ok thats a rlly good moment

afightwood: i am wearing black and only black.

magicbane: i am wearing mAROON

izfightwood: magNUS WANNA HEAR ABOUT MY DRESS

magicbane: hELL YES

izfightwood: it's gold and mermaid style sweetheart neckline and it was on sale plus this amazing brown red autumny lipstick and shoes its amazing

magicbane: wanna do makeup together??

izfightwood: yES YOU CAN HELP ME WITH MY WINGS

clarebear: same!!

lyds: SamE

maiamoon: same

afightwood: careful izzy i would think ur taking magnus from me

izfightwood: wELL..

magicbane: don't worry alec i love your sister but i love you very much

maiamoon: has melted a little

afightwood: will fight izzy

izfightwood: will bite alec

magicbane: sorry izzy thats my job

jacewaysterndale: wow that was smooth

magicbane: i try

raphsantiago: you guys are stupid

jacewaysterndale: even me :D

raphsantiago: you the most

jacewaysterndale: D:

raphsantiago: im an honest one

magicbane: raph we've gone over this, there's truthfully tactful, and theres assholish

raphsantiago: and you've mastered the second one

simonjewis: "exhibit one as to why you should not mess w raph before he had coffee"

raphsantiago: i like coffee bitter and black

izfightwood: like your soul?

raphsantiago: like your dress after i burn it if you try and roast me again

izfightwood: D:

simonjewis: "exhibit two"

maiamoon: ok im just gonna go get coffee for raphael before he bites someone

izfightwood: he's already bitten me and leeched out my patience like a vampire

lyds: *buzzfeed unsolved theme song plays* is raphael *dramatic pause* a vampire??

afightwood: this week on buzzfeed unsolved

clarebear: we delve into the santiago-bane household and learn about the theories of raphael santiago, an alleged vampire

raphsantiago: you are so lucky maia came with coffee

izfightwood: did she bring holy water

jacewaysterndale: lmao rip

jacewaysterndale: unless he's not resting in peace and is living as the undead

lyds: conspiracy!?

raphsantiago: boo you whores

clarebear: OH MY HOLY GOD WAS THAT A MEAN GIRLS REF

izfightwood: thats it. ive died.

magicbane: its the ONLY POSSIBLE THEORY 

afightwood: you have betrayed our facade, santiago

raphsantiago: forgive me lightwood

raphsantiago: it slipped out

maiamoon: boo YOU WHORES MEAN GIRLS FOR L I F E

simonjewis: i love mean girls and am very glad to have made jace and raph watch it

clarebear: shut up you used to have a high level crush on aaron aND CADY aT THE SAME TIME

jacewaysterndale: #exposed

afightwood: bREAKING NEWS: SIMON HAD A CRUSH ON BOTH AARON AND CADY FROM MEAN GIRLS

maiamoon: wow they attac

simonjewis: this is not a barbeque im not here to be roasted

simonjewis: i dont need this disrespect

simonjewis: clary YOU PROMISED THAT TO BE OUR SECRET YOU LYING LIAR WHO LIES I WILL NOW EXPOSE YOU

simonjewis: clARY THOUGHT GRETCHEN WAS SO MUCH HOTTER THAN CADY OR REGINA

clarebear: well i have a thing for dark hair

izfightwood: aw babe

clarebear: <3

afightwood: simon that backfired spectactularly

simonjewis: i've been exposed without revenge rip me

Chapter Text

maiamoon: guys how are we getting to prom?? i cant take my fucking bike

izfightwood: we can all chip in for a limo

raphsantiago: my mom is a wedding planner she can hook us up w a limo

simonjewis: my boyfriend is the best

jacewaysterndale: hes only saying that because i refused to blow him last night 

afightwood: lmao why

jacewaysterndale: because he opened up a picture of a duck

simonjewis: iT WAS AN ACCIDENT

raphsantiago: sure jan

clarebear: why would you even

simonjewis: i meant to search truck??

lyds: bitch u dont even believe yourself

simonjewis: yeah i did it on purpose im sorry baby

jacewaysterndale: buy me a cookie and you have a deal

raphsantiago: this is why i am the mom friend™

lyds: no im the mom friend™

raphsantiago: two mom friends™

magicbane: tru tho

magicbane: guys alec is rlly hot

magicbane: i love him very much

afightwood: ok ur drunk im coming over

raphsantiago: he's STILL DRINKING??

raphsantiago: i left for simon's 2 hours ago and he was drinking for two hours before that!?

raphsantiago: and it was the hard stuff dios

afightwood: magnus u gotta stop ok im coming

simonjewis: we're coming too

magicbane: y'all im fine

magicbane: i only puncH ED one wal l

magicbane: my t yp ing is weird but i is g

maiamoon: on my way

lyds: same

afightwood: magnus baby whats wrong

raphsantiago: i know 

raphsantiago: its his mothers suicide anniversary

magicbane: yeahhhhhhh

magicbane: she killed herself and left me with my bastard dad

magicbane: i hate them both

magicbane: but i lo ve youuuuu alexanderrr

magicbane: and youuuu raphie

magicbane: and mai a badass 

magicbane: and izzy and biscuit

magicbane: even sherman and the fake blonde and beautifully badass lyd ia

afightwood: i love you baby please dont hurt yourself

afightwood: im coming just wait

simonjewis: we're down the street we love you magnus ok

izfightwood: magnus i have loads of nail polish you and me on friday ok?? i love you

clarebear: we love you mags

lyds: me and maia are coming magnus 

afightwood: we love you

magicbane: ok

--

magicbane: hi

afightwood: babe are you ok?? did you see the tylenol and water and pancakes??

maiamoon: i brought some of that coffee you love so much from java jones! its in the fridge

izfightwood: also the blue lipstick u wanted is in your bathroom on the sink xx

clarebear: my portrait of us to bless you all the time is in the living room mags

lyds: i brought some mint gum for your breath

jacewaysterndale: i went near the ducks to get flowers

raphsantiago: im in the next room if you need me

simonjewis: do you feel alright?? i got some muffins i hope you like blueberry

magicbane: im sorry

magicbane: i really am

magicbane: thank you guys so much

magicbane: but what i said was true

magicbane: i love you guys

magicbane: even you, simon

simonjewis: he sAID MY NAME RIGHT??!!!

lyds: all hail simon lewis, dubbed sherman, stanley and solomon, and finally, simon, the pansexual lord of the nerds

afightwood: we love you mags

clarebear: uh duh

izfightwood: i bought your nicest lipstick i dont even do that for me fam

maiamoon: d u h

jacewaysterndale: i went near the d u c k s

simonjewis: lyds can u not

magicbane: well losers after that emotionally trying time do you wanna go to java jones

jacewaysterndale: not the one near the lake tho

simonjewis: i'll come in my van, clary and izzy are already w me, i'll pick u up

magicbane: do i look like a helpless lil bitch

magicbane: i have my own car

simonjewis: sry for being polite

magicbane: sure sharon

maiamoon: well siMON is now sharon

jacewaysterndale: sharon you can come pick me up

maiamoon: same sharon

lyds: me 2 sharon

simonjewis: well screw you all im only taking izzy and clary bc they're nice >:(

clarebear: aww thanks sharon

simonjewis: only izzy

izfightwood: i feel really appreciated and loved, sharon, thank you :)))

simonjewis: well fuck you guys im taking the van on my own

clarebear: no you arent

simonjewis: yea i am

izfightwood: no ur not

simonjewis: maybe i am

lyds: no ur not

simonjewis: well fuck

Chapter Text

maiamoon: im bored

jacewaysterndale: me too

raphsantiago: i cant believe you're texting while simon is blowing you in the other room

jacewaysterndale: i have fantastic focus

clarebear: ew no sex talk

izfightwood: prude we fucked last night

afightwood: e w

afightwood: magnus if u say anything im gonna throw away your l'oreal

magicbane: lips are very sealed

lyds: sexual people

lyds: have no control

simonjewis: we're not gonna answer that or else we will be beaten

lyds: hell yea u would sharon

simonjewis: magggggnnnnuuuusssss

magicbane: yes sarah

clarebear: oH MY GOD SIMON DO YOU REMEMBER SARAH AND HER BIG BROTHER FROM EIGHTH GRADE

simonjewis: no no no dont u dare

clarebear: so simon was really confused about his sexuality

jacewaysterndale: i like this already

clarebear: and this girl sarah had a m a s s i v e  crush on him

afightwood: this is before u moved to idris high right

clarebear: uh huh

simonjewis: no c l a r y

clarebear: and on valentines day sarah just planted a kiss on simon

clarebear: he got so shocked that he literally just told her the absolute worst truth

clarebear: "u dont kiss as well as your brother"

clarebear: beCAuSE HER BROTHER HAD DONE THE SAME THING THAT VERY DAY

simonjewis: oh nooo

maiamoon: bHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAA

izfightwood: LMAOOOO

raphsantiago: simon bebe u never told jace and i how you came out

lyds: #ripsarah2ksomething

afightwood: #riptheheterostraights2ksomething

simonjewis: guys jace just fell out of bed he was laughing so hard

magicbane: becauSE THAT WAS SOME REALLY GOOD SHIT

magicbane: wayyyy better than how i came out

afightwood: do tell babe

magicbane: oh no i dont wanna

raphsantiago: i know

magicbane: no ho dont do it

raphsantiago: everyone shut up till i say william's duck

jacewaysterndale: ew could u not

magicbane: nooo raph

magicbane: pleasseee

magicbane: well im fucked

raphsantiago: this was one of his "offs" with camille, he was drunk (of course) and had taken a plasma shot at the hunters moon, and then the bartender at the time (before maia worked there) was lily and she was slow in sales last night, so he did a strip on the bar and people would auction him for a kiss. this boy edmund won him for 600 dollars and then magnus kissed him, and then proceeded to sing "i kissed a boy and i liked it," and then dropped into a faint. he woke up very gay

raphsantiago: william's duck

simonjewis: wELL THAT WAS OBVIOUSLY BETTER THAN MINE FOR SURE

clarebear: IM SCREECHING

izfightwood: video attachment

izfightwood: she actually is but tbh so am i

maiamoon: alec fell off his chair from laughing and then got pissed off that you kissed someone else and then laughed again

afightwood: well uh duh

afightwood: but kATY PERRY YOU HATE HER AND YOU COVERED HER LMAOOOO

lyds: ded

simonjewis: well now im gonna expose clary's coming out dont move on till i say tessa's shift

clarebear: n o o o o o o o o o o  that was so rude of me!!

izfightwood: i love this story

afightwood: i love this story

clarebear: the fact that those came at the same time pisses me off

simonjewis: ok clary was at this cafe w me when we were 14 and she wasnt closeted but it wasnt well known and then this homophobic asshole from edom high walked in called lilith bc  b i t c h and she saw me and clary drinking coffee and started catcalling us even though she k n e w i had just started dating raph and jace and clary had just met izzy and had a masSIVE ASS CRUSH ON HER and lilith didnt fucking stop and went on and said "gays are going to hell," and clary just got up w her coffee and lilith said where u going and clary said and i shit you not : "to hell, apparently." and everyone in the whole fucking cafe lost their shit as she dumped her coffee all over liliths mank ass body ok tessa's shift

clarebear: ok it wasnt that bad but it was rude

lyds: ok clary you were such a savage

maiamoon: oml that was a m a z i n g

maiamoon: i didnt even know you then but w o w

izfightwood: aw baby you had a big ass crush on me

clarebear: we've been dating for three years since the coming out™

izfightwood: but still

afightwood: izzy puhlease you had such a big crush on clary since the first day you saw her

magicbane: cue the exposing™

afightwood: dont fucking talk till i say silver jem

afightwood: so izzy was so deep in the closet that she was basically in narnia and then she saw clary on the first day of freshmen year and then she moped around for a bit because "alec quit it you're the gay one in the family." and then she talked to clary the next week and said "wow im gay" in the bleachers when we were watching jace's tryouts for soccer, and literally everyone in the bleacher said "we k n o w." silver jem

izfightwood: not everyone

jacewaysterndale: um

izfightwood: fine it was everyone

jacewaysterndale: sis even meliorn on the other side of the pitch heard you and yelled "i know!"

clarebear: aww babe ily <3

izfightwood: <3

raphsantiago: ew

izfightwood: i'm now gonna expose jace's coming out

lyds: wow everyone had a rlly wild coming out

jacewaysterndale: no no no non oonono onono

simonjewis: im a part of this!! 

afightwood: ah this was rlly goood

magicbane: oh alexander told me bout this

izfightwood: dont speak till i say jessamines dress

izfightwood: jace was really pissed that dad gave us such a hard time about being gay and it actually started of as a rebelling thing and he decided to be "so gay that it drives dad out" "even though im straighter than a pin ofc" and then one day he brought a boy home 

simonjewis mE!

izfightwood: and then dad started insulting simon and jace loST HIS SHIT AND went OFF and kissed simon right in front of robert and then told him that he liked not ONE but TWO boys from school and he was shocked that all three of his kids were lgbt and we moved out that weekend k jessamines dress

raphsantiago: his loss

jacewaysterndale: izzY THAT WAS PRIVATE

jacewaysterndale: im now gonna expose alec bc he exposed izzy who then felt the need to expose me

magicbane: oooOOh i havent heard this\

jacewaysterndale: ur in it

afightwood: NO JACE PLEASE

afightwood: im not stopping u am i fuck

jacewaysterndale: nope

jacewaysterndale: shut up this is a long one till i say sophies scar 

jacewaysterndale: alec was the first one to come out to us soooooo shy about it tho this is how he did it: when a certain glittery bisexual even though alec didnt know about the bisexual bit moved to our school alec was so pissed off because "why is he so hot he just threw a wrench into my not be gay plan." and he avoided magnus at all costs but whenever they exchanged words he would go tomato and at alec's archery tournament magnus was watching and he just winked at him and said "he is beauty he is grace." and then alec fell down the stairs and he was still sitting there when we came back three minutes later and magnus left and he said "im gay and i have a massive crush on a straight boy." and yeah sophies scar

magicbane: i REMEMBER THAT

magicbane: you thought i was hot??

afightwood: dont fish for compliments mags

magicbane: fine but you are so clueless

magicbane: all those words excahnged

magicbane: its called f l i r t i n g

afightwood: oh

maiamoon: hes kinda stupid when it comes to that shit

lyds: all the straight girls that come to him and hes like what lol why are you here im gay

simonjewis: he had no clue that emma from school had a crush on him before julian

afightwood: what??

afightwood: ok im sick of the disrespect

afightwood: ugh

Chapter Text

maiamoon: my leather jacket goes spectacularly with my dress...

magicbane: no

afightwood: my leather jacket and my formal jacket are the same color nobody would notice

magicbane: no

maiamoon: ugh

afightwood: ugh

clarebear: honestly it frightens me how alike you are sometimes

lyds: you're easy to frighten

raphsantiago: you're easy to frighten

clarebear: ok that was also scary we have a pair of pairs in this gc

magicbane: rip

izfightwood: rip

clarebear: thIS IS FREAKY

simonjewis: THIS IS FREAKY

magicbane: ....

magicbane: a trio of pairs+the fake blonde

jacewaysterndale: i aM NATURALLY BLONDE

jacewaysterndale: i am inherently blessed w good looks and ur all jealous

raphsantiago: oh dear here it comes

magicbane: excuse y o u

izfightwood: um??

magicbane: have you seen me? im asian and unique and not some whitewashed fake blonde and you dare call yourself the hottest

izfightwood: and alec and i are dark haired and have had more boyfriends/girlfriends than you combined

afightwood: iz i've had one bf and its magnus

magicbane: are you using your white blondeness to justify looks??

izfightwood: dark hair and tanned skin is way better than your neon hair and pale ass skin

magicbane: wait alec im your first boyfriend

jacewaysterndale: OK IM SORRY EVERYONE HERE IS AMAZINGLY ATTRACTIVE AND IM JUST WHITE TRASH

simonjewis: me 2

clarebear: me 2

izfightwood: sorry that was rude you are all v attractive and beautiful in your own way

clarebear: <3

simonjewis: <3

jacewaysterndale: <3

afightwood: mags is that weird

afightwood: oh dear pls tell me u still love me

magicbane: OF COURSE I DO HOW COULD I NOT YOU ADORABLE LITTLE BADASS WHO CAN SHOOT AN ARROW ACCURATELY INTO SOMEBODYS BODY FROM 100FT AWAY YET STILL BLUSH EVERYTIME I MAKE AN INNUENDO YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL I LOVE YOU 

magicbane: but that brings me to my point which is how the holy fuck am i ur first

afightwood: well

izfightwood: he only wears black

jacewaysterndale: he saw someone crying and rolled his eyes after throwing a pack of tissues at her

maiamoon: he's tactless and emotionally constipated

lyds: he's ridiculously intelligent and athletic which is intimidating to a shitload of ppl

raphsantiago: has no clue when someone is flirting which is an abnormal amount of ppl

simonjewis: snarks at people who piss him or izzy and jace off

clarebear: and he loves others so much that he doesnt have enough time for finding love for himself

afightwood: ....

afightwood: i was gonna say im an asshole

afightwood: but thanks

afightwood: how many ppl have u been w

raphsantiago: ...

magicbane: ...

magicbane: seven

afightwood: seven? oh ok

magicbane: teen

afightwood: seven

afightwood: teen

afightwood: seventeen!?!??!?!

magicbane: oh dear im sorry ive freaked you out

izfightwood: *slurrrrrrrrrrrrps tea*

simonjewis: *calmly cuts into the beEF*

magicbane: but no matter how different we are, or how many people you or i have been with, i have never felt this way for anyone else before, and i love you, and though ive been with 17 people (including you), i hope that 17 is the way it stays

lyds: OML THAT WAS ADORABLE!!

jacewaysterndale: simon fell off the couch and a tear rolled down his face

jacewaysterndale: "jace raph why do you not proclaim your love like that to me?!?!?"

jacewaysterndale: "because i brought you tylenol on your hangover days, muffins on your work days, glasses when they break and your inhaler when you have asthma." -raph

jacewaysterndale: "i love you raph and jace."

jacewaysterndale: "i love you too, mi bebe." -raph

maiamoon: SO MUCH ADORABLENESS

izfightwood: this must be what heaven feels like

afightwood: i love you too

magicbane: come over i have friends on

afightwood: i'll pick up some popcorn

magicbane: <3

afightwood: <3

izfightwood: has died

maiamoon: has exclaimed excitedly what was going on to her girlfriend and boyfriend lily and bat

lyds: has yelled at her friend cristina for a while about even how she is aromantic that was some cute shit

izfightwood: will start making out w clary

clarebear: will start making out w izzy

Chapter Text

magicbane: she's prettier than i'll ever be

afightwood: magnus no stop 

magicbane: got yourself a beauty queen

izfightwood: *yeaahhh*

magicbane: but theres one thing i gotta say

afightwood: please mags im gay

magicbane: she could fuck you good

magicbane: BUT I COULD FUCK YOU BETTA

izfightwood: *bettabettabettabetta*

clarebear: is this about the girl that hit on alec today at java jones

magicbane: yeah

afightwood: oh my lord magnus im g a y i like BOYS i am a HOMOSEXUAL girls are not ATTRACTIVE TO ME 

magicbane: ok fine love you

afightwood: i love you too now come over izzy carrot and i have game of thrones on

magicbane: YOU WATCHED AN EPISODE WITHOUT ME??

afightwood: no we're rewatching

jacewaysterndale: im coming too

jacewaysterndale: im bringing raph and simon

maiamoon: im on a date w bat and lily but dont skip the season wo me ok

lyds: yeah i have errands to run 

magicbane: would you rather: the gay edition. daenerys, arya, sansa, jon snow, robb stark, drogo

clarebear: arya when she's older in a heartbeat

izfightwood: khaleesi 

afightwood: jon snow but like drogo was really hot once he knew how to treat khaleesi

maiamoon: khaleesi or jon snow bc i love his hair

simonjewis: jon snow and daenerys at the same time bc they remind me of raph and jace

jacewaysterndale: older arya and robb bc his jawline tho omg

magicbane: drogo was cool but jon snow has my heart after alec bc jon reminds me of alec

raphsantiago: robb stark- respectable

magicbane: jon snow has 4 votes

magicbane: 3 for khaleesi bc shes gorgeous and amazing

magicbane: drogo, robb and arya each have two votes

lyds: gays of thrones: new york edition

izfightwood: GAYS OF THRONES BAHAHAHHA IM SCREAMING

afightwood: video attachment

afightwood: she actually is lydia you broke her

clarebear: GAYS OF THRONES OML GENIUS

izfightwood: i remember in season 1 i shipped daenerys with doreah her maid remember

izfightwood: because they had that scene where they doreah was teaching khaleesi about how to pleasure drogo

izfightwood: and i shipped them because that was HOT

afightwood: i remember that

magicbane: that was the one where she flipped tf out and yelled "THATS GAY"

maiamoon: same izzy same

izfightwood: exactly though!? i mean whats gayer than a girl straddling another girl teaching the girl how to have sex and shit i mean wow drogo who it should be doreah and khaleesi

clarebear: ok ok we see izzy

magicbane: i'm on my way dont start the episode without me

afightwood: baby i would never

magicbane: i love you

afightwood: i love you

izfightwood: i love you alec and magnus

izfightwood: but not in the cersei and jaime lannister way cause thats gross

clarebear: i love you izzy

izfightwood: i love you too