Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It’s amazing how people’s lives intersect, who would have thought that a group of people who had never met each other, would have met so many people who had?

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July 27^th 2000.

“Why do I have to be there?” Joe asked as they walked into the building

“You want to make your way in the force? You need allies, friends in high places, and events like this charity gala are the best place to make them” Commander Anderson told him “and stop fussing with that!” he slapped Joe’s hands away from where they were continually adjusting his bow tie

Joe Chandler was a young, freshly promoted DI. He had the social grace of a drunken mime and he knew it, so why Jack Anderson; his godfather, thought it would be a good idea to drag him to the police widows fund charity gala was beyond him.

Letting out an exasperated sigh, Joe followed the older man into the main dance hall.

All around them were women in elegant frocks and men in black tie, most of them nursing a flute of champagne, others gracefully twirling on the dance floor in the centre of the room while a full orchestra played The Blue Danube.

“You do realise I have no idea who even a third of these people are” Joe muttered as Jack handed him a glass

“Then stay close, I’ll make introductions” Anderson mumbled as he led Joe further into the room.

Three hours later and Joe had managed to lose the commander in the crowds. Looking around, Joe huffed in irritation.

“Lost someone?” a voice asked from behind him

Turning, he saw a man with dark auburn hair and cold gray eyes, only slightly older than himself. He was slightly round but still reasonably fit and could clearly handle himself in a fight, although it was doubtful he ever got in any; this was clearly a man who used quick thinking and well chosen words to fight his battles.

“Oh, yes. I came here with my godfather but I seem to have lost him in the crowd” Joe smiled awkwardly

“Not to worry Detective Inspector, I’m sure he’ll turn up” the man smiled, a cold, mirthless smile that made Joe feel as if this man was currently running through all the possible ways to kill him and make it look like an accident

“How did you-”

“Know? Quite easily my dear Inspector, I simply observe the subject; in this case, yourself, and make a deduction according to my observations. Mycroft Holmes” the man replied, holding out his hand

“Detective Inspector Joseph Chandler, pleasure sir” Joe barely managed to keep the tremor from his voice

“Joe, there you are” Anderson suddenly appeared back on the scene

“Sorry, I was just talking to…” Joe looked back and saw that Mr. Holmes had vanished.

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November 2002.

“So who’s this guy Lestrade says is helping us with the case?” Meg asked

“I dunno, some consulting detective or something, sounds like a right pretentious-”

“Right! Everyone out, Sherlock needs room to think” Lestrade called, interrupting Sally, the recently promoted DS rolled her eyes and beckoned Meg to follow her

A few minutes later, the dark haired man emerged from the room. His eyes were strange to say the least, changing colour from blue, to gray, to green, to hazel depending on the light. He brushed past Meg at the top of the stairs and she lost her footing, his hands, like large pail spiders, shot out to catch her before she fell.

“Careful constable, wouldn’t do to have two bodies to deal with” he smiled

“Er, yeah, thanks,” Meg stammered “I’m Meg, Riley” she shook his hand

“A pleasure, Sherlock Holmes” he winked and strode away, down the stairs and off into the darkness

“What a total freak” Sally shook her head

“Oh, I dunno, he seems like an alright bloke” Meg smiled.

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“Ok everyone listen up please, I just got a call from New Scotland Yard, and apparently our case has overlapped with one of theirs” DI Chandler called out to the team

“Oh charming, the Broadway blues are coming to town” Mansell laughed

“Oi, I used to be a Yard girl when I first made DC” Riley admonished

“Oops, sorry”

“Yes well, we’ll be working with DI Lestrade and his team, I’ve been told they have a consultant working with them who can be a touch… difficult,” Chandler said “but I’ve been asked to tell you all to, and I’m quoting DI Lestrade on this one ‘try not to kill him, but mild to moderate bodily harm is occasionally unavoidable’” he looked concerned but was interrupted by Kent’s slight giggle from his right

“Something amusing crossed your mind Kent or are you watching cat videos on YouTube again?” he walked over

“No sir, just that I happen to know who DI Lestrade is referring to and I have a funny feeling that skip may actually throw him out of a window before the end of the day” Kent giggled

“I’m glad you find my potential imminent demise so frightfully amusing Emerson” came a deep voice from the doorway

“Sherlock, play nice” the silver haired man said from next to him “sorry about him, DI Chandler?” he addressed the tall blond

“Indeed, you must be DI Lestrade” the taller man shook his hand

“Greg, please, so you’re the poor sod who has to put with Riley now then” he laughed

“Give over gov, I’m hardly that bad, Holmes is a million times worse and you’ve put up with him for God knows how long” Meg laughed

“DC Riley, it is still DC?” Sherlock smiled

“I’m happy where I am, and it’s not like you need to ask” she shook his hand

“John has insisted I try to put people at ease more” Sherlock rolled his eyes

“You're a good influence on him Doctor Watson, just wish the same could be said about his on you” she laughed

“Call me John, and it’s good to see you again Meg” a short blond man stepped forward

“I take it you know DC Kent then Mr. Holmes?” DS Miles interrupted

“Yes I-” Sherlock froze as he spotted the man

“Ah, yeah, think you lads may have had a run in with a cousin of mine a few years back, Jeff and me do look awfully alike” the older man sighed “but I’m glad you lot stopped him when you did, when I found out… well, never mind, DS Ray Miles by the way” he shook hands

“Yes of course, sorry, didn’t mean to freeze on you like that. But as I was saying, Emerson and I do know one another, quite well in fact” Sherlock laughed

“Oh, well done you” Meg said with a grin in Kent’s direction

“He’s not my boyfriend” Kent groaned

“I know how you feel mate, people always make that mistake with me as well” John said

“Yes but at least Emerson’s actually gay. No I’ve know Emerson since he was thirteen” Sherlock said

“Only because my dad sued for custody so mummy only got her hands on us when he died” Kent rolled his eyes

“Hold up, rewind and slow it down for those of us who don’t think at the speed of light here gents” Lestrade asked

“Sorry Gary-”

“Greg”

“Greg” Sherlock conceded “might I humbly introduce-”

“Sherlock Holmes you’ve never done anything humbly in your life, it’s a tad late to start now isn’t it?” Kent raised his eyebrows

“I’ll finish this in a minute” Sherlock huffed, “Ladies and gentlemen, his general pain in the arse-ness Emerson Holmes, alias DC Emerson Kent, my younger brother” he finally finished

“Please excuse him, he hates me with a burning passion” Kent laughed

“There’s only one burning passion in here but John will hit me if I mention it” Sherlock answered back

“If you do mention it you’ll have worse things to worry about than John hitting you” Kent stood up and stormed over

“I would love to see you try Emmy” Sherlock loomed over his brother threateningly

“Bring. It. On.” Kent growled, getting into the taller man’s face.

There was a beat of silence.

“It’s good to see you again Emerson” Sherlock smiled

“Good to see you too you arse” the smaller of the two laughed and hugged his brother tightly

“Sorry I didn’t come and see you as soon as I was back, but it’s been a busy year” Sherlock pressed a little kiss to his brother’s curls before pulling back

“Yes, full of shooting up, getting shot and shooting people, from what I’ve heard you’ve been a very busy little bee of late” Kent grinned

“I’m sorry, a brother?” Riley chimed in

“Yes” Kent nodded simply

“Funny how you have a habit of not mentioning siblings until we actually meet them isn’t it” the only woman in the room grumbled

“Oh, did I not tell you? Must have slipped my mind, we don’t see the Holmeses much since we’re only half siblings” Kent shrugged

“Holmeses? As in, more-than-one-Holmes?” Miles asked

“Of course” Kent replied

“Bloody Hell, so you’re half brothers I’m guessing, going by the surnames?”

“Yeah, same mum, different dads” Kent explained

“When Emerson and Erica were born their Father sued mummy for custody, didn’t want another man raising his kids, but then when he died the courts agreed that they were better off in her care than being put into the system, what with the trauma and all” Sherlock added

“Sherly, don’t” Kent shook his head

“Oh, right sorry”

“Trauma?” Meg asked

“He didn’t exactly die of natural causes” Kent mumbled

“Oh sweetie” she hugged him tight “was it a mugging or something? No wait, forget I asked, you don’t have to tell me”

“Don’t worry about it; I got over the trauma years ago. And in answer to your question, no, it wasn’t some random mugging or a robbery gone wrong, it was my psycho-bitch of a step Mother” he growled

“Even Erica never talks about it, it was hard on both of them” Mansell squeezed Kent’s shoulder kindly

“It’s fine. But then the courts decided we were better off with our Mother, so we went to live with her and her husband” Kent smiled

“And we all lived happily ever after” Sherlock said sarcastically

“Yeah, except for those incidents” Kent rolled his eyes

“What incidents?” Miles asked

“Good question” Sherlock looked confused

“Oh I don’t know, Bangalore for example” Kent growled

“Oh that, you’re not seriously still on about that are you?”

“Yes I bloody well am” Kent exclaimed

“What happened in Bangalore?” Donovan asked

“Don’t get me started-”

“Yes, let’s not” Sherlock interrupted, shoving his hand over Kent’s mouth.

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“Cooee!” came a voice from the door as the two teams sat discussing leads

“Hey Eri” Kent smiled as his sister walked in and threw a paper bag at him “oh, you bought lunch, cheers pet” he said as he opened it

“No prob pop, so when did the team double in size?” she said as she pinched a carrot stick from his lunch

“Cross-case” he said as he gave her hand a sharp slap, as it sneaking towards his lunch again

“Oh, ok” she smiled

“Sherlock’s here” he added as he reached for his drink

“Really?”

“Always the tone of surprise little sister” Sherlock said as he came in, having offered to do the sandwich run in Kent’s place

“I hope there’s one for me in there” she said, nodding towards the carrier bag

“I saw you going into the building from the shop across the road” he chuckled as he threw a sandwich at her

“You mean you bought for Em and since we both like the same stuff” the woman chuckled

“More or less”

“Hello Erica” Chandler smiled as he exited his office, a packet of wet wipes in his hand

“You’re a nightmare for knowing things you shouldn’t Sherly” Kent grumbled

“Runs in the family, as you well know. I could be worse” Sherlock grinned

“How?”

“At least I don’t burst into your dorm bellowing the lyrics of forty years on at the top of my lungs any more” Sherlock laughed

“Urgh, don’t remind me, I got so used to that, that when you stopped when we got to the upper sixth I had to set it as the alarm on my phone so I’d wake up in time for morning bill” Kent groaned

“You know you love me really”

“Maybe I do, but my dorm mates for the first two years sure as Hell didn’t”

“You went to boarding school?” Mansell laughed

“Yes, we both went to Harrow” Sherlock answered

“Why am I not surprised?” Anderson chuckled from the doorway; he’d been reinstated to Lestrade’s team following the Magnussen incident, after Scotland Yard discovered he wasn’t mad after all and decided he’d been unfairly dismissed

“You sound like someone who knows a lot about that sort of thing Dr. Anderson” Kent looked at him over his lunch

“I grew up in Harrow, so I know the school pretty well. What house where you in?” Anderson asked

“West Acre” Sherlock smiled

“Ah, the home of music lovers, explains Sherlock’s skill with the violin. Do you play anything DC Kent?” he nodded

“Guitar mostly, but piano as well” Kent replied

“I forgot about that” Mansell said over his sandwich

“You always were hopeless”

“I bet you were both the type to sit alone in your dorms practicing instead of socialising or getting involved in school activities” Anderson laughed

Sherlock, Emerson and Erica all burst out laughing at this; even Mansell gave a slight chuckle.

“What?” Anderson looked at them like they’d gone mad

“Sorry, it’s just, not get involved in school activities,” Kent wiped the tears from his eyes as he spoke “mummy would have killed us”

“How d’you mean?” Miles asked

“When we were shipped off to our respective boarding schools we were given one strict instruction” Erica smiled

“To join the CCF even if it killed us” her brother finished

“The CCF? You three?” Anderson looked stunned and even John looked like he was having trouble believing his ears

“Someone want to fill us non-public school types in on what that is?” Miles asked

“The Combined Cadet Force” Kent explained

“As in army cadets?” Lestrade asked, somewhat disbelievingly

“Or navy, or air force, but yeah, we went with army, mummy would have killed us if we’d gone with either of the other two, well, maybe not the air force, but definitely the navy” Erica nodded

“You three were soldiers?” John asked, finally finding his voice

“In training, we never actually joined the army proper, and not just us, Mycroft as well” Sherlock smiled as Lestrade choked.

“Well either way, let’s finish up lunch and get back to work” Chandler rolled his eyes

“Yes sir,” Erica sprang to a salute “oh and Fin, I’m making pizza tonight so be home by eight or I’ll utilize your internal digestive equipment for the support of my orthopaedic undergarments, you have been warned” she waved to them all and left

“Ok, even I didn’t get that one” Mansell looked round

“Be home by eight or she’ll have your guts for garters” Kent pitched a carrot stick into his mouth.

Chapter Text

The weather was atrocious, but then that’s England for you, always predictable. John himself was used to getting drenched, standing around at crime scenes waiting for Sherlock to do his bit was really just par for the course these days. At least this time he had someone to talk to.

“So what’s Emerson like?” he asked, shivering slightly next to the other man

“He’s an alright lad, bit of a lost puppy were the DI’s concerned but a good copper” Ray replied, looking over to where the two brothers were gathered around the body, Sherlock bending close to examine some clue or another while Emerson hovered behind him, his eyes darting around the wider scene, almost as if he was looking for someone.

“Does he do that a lot? Look like he’s looking for someone at crime scenes?” John asked

“Can't say I ever noticed, but he does look like he’s looking for somebody doesn’t he?” the sergeant mused quietly, as they watched, Kent’s eyes narrowed in on something down a side street, and the heard him say “back in a tick” to his brother before walking off towards whatever he’d seen.

“He does that a lot, disappears for a few minutes, he always comes back with a witness statement from some anonymous source or another” Riley said as she came up behind them

“Informant?”

“Must be, he seems to always have someone nearby the scene who can give a statement but never wants to testify” she hummed

“Probably someone homeless who doesn’t want any trouble, Sherlock has a whole network of homeless people that act like his own personal CCTV grid” John noted

“Could be, hold up,” Meg raised a hand, “looks like Sherlock’s found something” she pointed to where he’d just pulled something from under the body

“What’s that?” John called as they wandered over

“An access card, for the SIS” Sherlock muttered as he held the small plastic card between his gloved fingers

“Jesus, not another spook” Miles groaned

“Not as such,” Sherlock smiled as he stood up, “this card belongs to someone else”

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“We need to get on to them, find out who this card belongs to and were they are now” Chandler proposed

“If they’ll tell us” Miles scoffed

“I shouldn’t worry, I’ve already given my contact at Vauxhall Cross a call” Sherlock intoned from his perch on the edge of his brother’s desk

“You have contacts at MI6?” John blinked in surprise

“Yes”

“Ok”

“Well that should come in handy” Miles observed

“I thought so, they’re sending the Chief of Staff over right away,” Sherlock responded, “in fact he should be here right about-”

The door opened as he spoke and a tall man with brown hair and a smart suit entered the room.

“Now” Sherlock finished

“Hello Sherlock, good to see you” the man shook Sherlock’s hand with an almost paternal smile “and Emerson too, how have you been? I heard about that nasty business a few years ago, sorry I didn’t get in touch, but you know how it is”

“That’s alright Bill, I know you just can't spare a moment sometimes in your job, I’m surprised you haven’t gone gray” Kent laughed

“I hide it well” the man known as Bill replied

“Well this is awkward” Mansell interrupted

“Ah, Finlay, I can imagine you’ve got a few questions just now” Bill breathed

“Not really, I mean, it’s always a bit of a shock when you discover the man who practically raised you is the Chief of Staff of MI6 when, as far as you knew, he was the Chief of Staff of an export company” Mansell’s voice rose steadily in agitation

“I’m sorry Fin, but you know what these sorts of things are like, top secret, classified government work, I couldn’t tell anyone, even Lorelai doesn’t know the truth” Bill laid a hand on the younger man’s shoulder

“I know, it’s just a shock that’s all, finding out your Uncle’s a spy” he laughed

“Oh God no, I was never a spy, strictly secretarial/management work for me” Bill rolled his eyes “after my time in the army I didn’t want anything too strenuous”

Chandler coughed quietly, reminding them of his presence.

“Beg your pardon, Bill Tanner; Chief of Staff, Secret Intelligence Service” he shook hands with Chandler “and as you can probably tell, Finlay’s Uncle”

“A pleasure, DI Joseph Chandler, the others are DS Miles, DC Riley, and the other team we’re working with on this case; DI Lestrade, DS Donovan and Dr. Anderson” Chandler pointed them out

“Pleasure’s mine, when the head of technical services told me a body had been found in Whitechapel with someone else’s Service ID I figured I’d better come personally” Tanner nodded

“The head of technical services?” John enquired

“My contact” Sherlock explained “well one of my contacts”

“Yes, you could have called me, you do have my number” Tanner mentioned

“You always said not to call you at work”

“Fair point”

“So how do you know Kent and his brother?” Mansell interjected

“Oh their Mother was my CO, back in the Household Cavalry” his Uncle answered

“I didn’t realise your mum was in the Household Cavalry Sherlock” John stared “You never even mentioned she was in the army”

“Of course, that’s why she insisted on us joining the CCF at school, she and my Father actually met while serving” Sherlock told him

“Now that’s a story to tell, I always remember how ballsy your dad was” Tanner laughed, “We all thought he was done for at the time because if there’s one thing you don’t do its mouth off to the Brig”

“Brig? As in Brigadier?” John squeaked

“Yeah, She was Brigadier Potter and I was Captain Tanner, although she became Brigadier Holmes after she married that ballsy idiot of a RAF Corporal” he laughed

“A Corporal? Jesus” John sighed

“I know, I thought he was going to get his arse kicked half way across the bloody base at the time” Tanner chuckled

“How did they meet?” Sally enquired

“The HCav was doing a joint exercise with RAF, he’d been winding her up all day, so when he screwed up, instead of letting his own CO chew him out, she asked if she could do it” Tanner related

“What happened then?”

“She full on bellowed at him, ‘I hope you have a damn good reason for making such a bloody pig’s ear of that exercise Corporal!’ and he said ‘yes Ma'm, I do’ and she stood there for a moment, and then said ‘well? I’m waiting Corporal’, and he said, and I kid you not; at this point I was waiting for the other shoe to fall, he said ‘I was busy staring into your beautiful eyes and I got distracted Ma'm’ and at this point I had to fight the urge to just yell at everyone to hit the deck because I was thinking shit, now he’s done it, we’re all doomed, she’s gonna blow, and she walked around behind him, leant right in close to his ear and whispered, and I only found out later that she’d said ‘I get off at seven, pick me up at half past’” he laughed

“There’s two ways that could have gone, the stupid way or the ballsy way” John shuddered

“I know, luckily for Mathew it went the ballsy way because when the Brigadier blows it’s like a twenty megaton bomb” Tanner gulped, “I mean if you’ve ever seen one of these two lose it then you probably have some idea because all of her kids inherited her temper”

“I can’t say I’ve ever seen Kent lose his temper, closest thing was that argument he had with Mansell a few years back” Miles observed

“Sherlock’s never really lost his temper either, not that I’ve seen, except maybe the Magnussen incident or that thing with the CIA man” John shrugged

“That’s the thing with Josie and her kids, when they do lose their tempers it’s like an explosion but that’s because they don’t lose them often, it’s like a volcano, building up pressure until something has to give” Tanner nodded

“You seem to know her really well, most soldiers aren’t that close with their commanding officers” John observed

“I was the highest ranking officer under her in the unit, I’m actually God Father to her kids” he informed them

“Ooh, I’ve just though” Kent smiled, doing a little jump

“What?” Bill asked

“Best friends in law” Kent explained

“Really?” the older man asked, looking between his godson and his nephew

“Not me, Erica” Kent giggled as Mansell rolled his eyes

“Oh really, wow I am out of touch with the outside world” Tanner laughed

“Don’t worry about it Uncle Bill” Mansell smiled

“Right, let’s get back to work,” Chandler intoned, “Kent, get to work writing up the witness statement you got from your informant back at the crime scene, Mansell, background on the victim, Riley, go and talk to the family”

“Sir” the three DCs chorused

“Sally, go with Meg” Lestrade nodded

“Yes boss”

“Anderson, why don’t you, John and Sherlock go talk evidence with the SOCO lot” he added

“Sounds like a plan, assuming Sherlock can keep from insulting everyone” Anderson laughed

“You know me Phillip, nothing if not a gentleman” Sherlock smiled as he slipped past him

“I’m not saying a word” Kent chuckled as he pulled his paperwork towards him.

Chapter Text

“Are you going to come then gov?” Riley asked

“To what?” Chandler asked, looking up from his sandwich.

“The station Halloween party silly” she laughed

“Oh, I don’t know, not really my thing” he shook his head

“Oh go on, you’ll get to meet my kids at last, and Caroline’s bringing her littl’un too” the woman pouted at him

“Oh alright, fine”

“Good, and be warned, it is a costume party and if you show up dressed as yourself I will force you into a pink tutu and glittery fairy wings” she shook a finger at him threateningly

“Oh God” he choked

“You’ll be fine sir, we’ll all be dressed up like prats too so it’s not like you’ll look too ridiculous” Miles grinned

“Speaking of, are Judy and little Trish putting in an appearance?” Riley enquired

“Yeah, hard to believe she’s three already” Miles laughed “she’s decided to come in a little kids version of a suit and tie”

“Why?” Kent chuckled

“Because she’s decided to go as me for Halloween” Miles rolled his eyes

“Aww, that’s so cute” Riley squealed

“I know, she goes on and on about how when she grows up she’s gonna be a detective and keep the bad guys away to protect mummy” he smiled and shook his head.

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A week later and the team were gathered at the Ten Bells, dressed, not exactly to the nines, but enjoying themselves all the same. Or at least, most of the team were there.

“Where’s Kent?” Chandler asked over the music

“Him and Erica said they’d be along later, had to sort out a costuming issue” Mansell called back

“Oh” Chandler nodded

“There they are” Riley called, pointing toward the door, the sleeves of her witch costume flapping a little as she waved to them

The twins wandered over, dressed perfectly normally.

“Oh come on, even the DI dressed up, I’d have thought you two would have” Mansell rolled his eyes

“Who said we didn’t?” Kent smiled as he, no, she looked up

“Bloody Hell, I actually thought you were your brother” the taller man choked as Erica laughed, taking off the hat she was wearing and allowing her hair to fall down her back

“But hang on, if that’s Erica” Riley pointed at her, “then that’s”

“Didn’t recognise me in a dress did you?” Kent chuckled as he brushed the long hair of the wig back over his shoulders

“I know you two were gender fluid but Christ, that’s ridiculous” Mansell blinked as he realised it was his girlfriend’s twin standing there in a dress and heels and not her

“You two had us all fooled there I think” Miles laughed and clicked his fingers in front of Chandler’s face to snap him out of it

“Wha- Oh, sorry” Chandler blinked

“Like what you see sir?” Kent winked and twirled a stand of air around his finger

“Stop it Emerson, you’re scaring the poor man” Erica admonished “and besides, if anything happens to that dress you’re paying for the replacement, and I’m sure you remember how much it cost”

“Of course I remember how much it cost, I bought the bloody thing for Christmas” her twin laughed

“I know, that’s why I love ya, you always know what looks good on us” she placed a firm kiss on his lips

“Keep that up and people will start talking, again” Emerson glared at his sister

“Let them talk, I’ve never been ashamed” Erica slipped her hand under his skirt

“Yipes! Will you knock it off?” he hissed

“Careful there Kent, that’s sexual harassment” one of the vice boys called over

“I’ll bare that in mind” he called back over his shoulder, leading to the other man to swear and drop his drink

“You’re terrible” Erica laughed

“Like you’re any better” her twin chuckled

“Touché mon frère chéri” Erica purred in flawless French

“Oh, there she goes again” Mansell swallowed

“The French thing bothers you?” Emerson asked

“Not bothers exactly”

“Oh, sorry, blame Grand’mère Miriam” Emerson smirked

“Who?” Chandler questioned

“Our Mother’s husband’s Mother” Erica explained “she’s French-Lebanese”

“Ah, so you get on well with that side of the family then?” Miles asked

“Yeah, after our dad died Mathew legally adopted us, so we’re as much his kids as mummy’s” Erica smiled “we only had two living relatives on dad’s side, not including out older sisters; Granny Lee and Auntie Kate, so when we moved in with the Holmes side it was a bit of a shock to discover all these relatives”

“Big family then?” Riley smiled

“Mummy’s the oldest of five and Mathew was one of eight siblings, and they all have kids and some even have grandkids so yeah, a bit on the large side” Emerson laughed

“Jesus, I keep forgetting what I’ve gotten into” Mansell swallowed

“Don’t worry, I’m sure they’ll all love you, you know most of them already” Erica nuzzled his shoulder affectionately

“And if they don’t you won't be alive long enough to worry so it’s win-win really” Emerson shrugged “ow” he added as his sister elbowed him in the ribs

“I’ll assume you were joking. So how many of you are there?” Miles wondered

“As in the whole family or just the immediate group?” Emerson queried

“I mean how many siblings do you guys have?”

“There are ten of us altogether” Erica smiled

“Ten of you?” Riley looked stunned

“Yep, although it’s a bit complicated; she got pregnant the first while she was still serving, and she retired so she could care for them properly, worked for GCHQ as an off-site analyst. The next two were born after she officially retired” Erica explained “Then things went through a slight rough patch which resulted in us” she gestured to herself and Emerson, “then our two half sisters after she’d sorted things out with papa, then their youngest, a baby boy, and then papa had a moment of drunken stupidity with a friend’s Lady’s maid, and that made for another baby”

“Talk about complicated, what do they all do?” Miles blinked

“Mycroft’s job is highly classified, but as far as the public is concerned he’s a low level civil servant in the department of transport” Emerson rolled his eyes “Ex’s job is classified too but he does have a public position as a colonel in the army”

“The British equivalent of area 51 I shouldn’t wonder” Ed chimed in from behind them

“Horace Dorrington Ed? Nice choice, always a classic, up there with Marple, Poirot and Lady Molly of Scotland Yard that one” Emerson smiled, “and I should probably think you’re right, I know he had something to do with something going on down in Dartmoor though, Sherlock was there a while ago”

“What about the others?” Riley asked

“Well you’ve met Sherlock, Sherrinford, that’s Sherlock’s twin, is a Captain with small charter airline somewhere up near Coventry, Excelsior lives on the base near there” he went on, “then Mya, she works for the same export company as Mansell’s Uncle Bill, Sheryll works over at Thames House and Q and Merlin are the head and deputy head of technical services, they work with Mya over on Albert Embankment”

“A lot of spooks in your family then?” Miles laughed, lowering his voice

“Yeah, but I didn’t tell you that” Emerson smiled, “what are you supposed to be anyway?” he asked Mansell

“I’m Captain Jack Sparrow”

“At least you're not Captain Jack Harkness; then we’d all be worried” Emerson scoffed

“This from the guy currently wearing a dress” Mansell pointed out

“And looking fantastic in it can I just point out” Riley interjected

“Aw, thanks Riley” the young man grinned

“Actually a pretty good trick that, coming dressed as each other”

“It was Erica’s idea, I wouldn’t usually wear a dress in public unless it’s cross dresser night at the Royal” his amber eyes sparkled as he laughed

“Royal?” Miles asked

“Royal Vauxhall Tavern, gay bar on the other side of the arches to MI6” the currently frock-clad constable smiled

“Ok, I need a lot more to drink because that’s the only way I’m gonna get the image of Kent snogging another bloke while they’re both wearing dresses out of my head” Miles retched slightly and ordered a round

“I’ve never snogged another bloke while wearing a dress” Emerson protested

Erica coughed loudly.

“What?” he looked at her as she raised an eyebrow, “oh come on! It was one time, and to be fair, after you’ve had a few even Mycroft starts to look good looking in the dim lights of a gay bar on a Saturday night”

“Isn't Mycroft one of your-” Chandler asked from beneath his sheet

“You see the problem” Erica smirked

“Ugh! How screwed up is your family?” Mansell winced “I thought I’d seen it all when we were growing up”

“Very, but in all fairness I was wasted at the time so I can't be held accountable for my actions, squicky as they may have been” Emerson pulled a face that basically said oops! Oh well.

“Cooee, brother dear” a voice called from behind them, a ridiculously tall blond girl dressed as what can only be called a mental patient, complete with genuine straight jacket, came dashing over, “Joey, there you are, thought you’d ditched me” she nudged the be-sheeted form of the DI

“Who’s this then gov, you never mentioned a sister” Miles asked, sipping what was apparently his third pint that evening

“Sorry, slipped my mind, everyone, this is my younger sister, Jess” Chandler smiled

“Jessamine Chandler, I’d shake hands but, well,” she shrugged her shoulders inside the jacket, “bit hindered”

“Why don’t you undo the sleeves?” Chandler shook his head

“People keep treading on them” the younger girl huffed

“Jessie? There you are, don’t run off like that” another young woman, this one dressed as a nurse, appeared at Jess’ shoulder

“Sorry babe, spotted Joe and decided to come over” Jess bent down to kiss the substantially shorter girl on the lips, she was a pretty girl with large, dark eyes and short black hair that was pink and turquoise in the fringe

“Hello Tilly, long time no see” Emerson smiled

“Huh?” the girl said, looking around, “Oh my God! Emi, Eri! Its soooo good to see you two” she squealed when she noticed them, running forwards to grab them both in a hug

“You too baby sis, you too” Erica kissed her on top of the head

“A little explanation maybe?” Caroline intoned

“Oh, my mum was their house keeper back in the day and her and Lady Josie were so close that mum made her my godmother” ‘Tilly’ explained

“‘Lady Josie?’ You two never mentioned your mum was some sort of upper class type” Mansell coughed

“Well she’s not really, I mean yeah she’s an Earl’s daughter but she’s really quite down to earth and sensible” Erica shrugged

“An Earl’s daughter?” Ed looked astounded

“Yeah, Thomas Potter, 11^th Earl of Epsom” Emerson nodded

“Wow, is your- what is he? Step Father?” Caroline struggled

“Papa Mathew; mummy’s husband? We generally just call him our dad, I mean our actual biological Father died when we were thirteen and Mathew adopted us so he’s legally our dad” Erica reasoned

“Oh ok, but is he a peer too?” Caroline asked

“Yes, 17^th Marquess of Headley” Emerson nodded

“Well then, your lordship can buy the next round” Miles laughed.

Chapter Text

One thing you should always bear in mind. Never insult a Holmes when there is more than one in the room. Sally Donovan and Phillip Anderson learned this the hard way.

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It was a Friday, late November and the rain was pouring outside 221B Baker Street. Sherlock, however, was perfectly content, despite his lack of a case, because it was that time of the week again; the time when the central London branch of the ‘Three Palaces Firm’ as they were called by the more unsavoury inhabitants of the fair city, met to discuss important business matters. Over a cup of tea and a plate of scones.

Thus Sherlock found himself, perched in his gray leather armchair, cup in hand, staring over it at two of the most dangerous men in England.

“Pass the sugar Q, I went and short changed myself” he pulled a face at the tea, which he had forgotten to add sugar to

“Certainly brother dear, so, how’s Janine?” the youngest genius, and possibly the smartest in the room, although the other two would never admit to it out loud on pain of death, grinned over his cup as he passed the sugar bowl

“Delightful as always, and with John and Mary around it’s not like I’m ever bored” Sherlock deliberately avoided meeting either man’s eyes as he spoke, reaching for a scone

“I still can't work out how you managed to make the relationship work” Mycroft smiled as he helped himself to a biscuit

“I don’t follow” Sherlock licked the stickiness of the strawberry jam from his fingers

“You’re engaged to Janine, John is married to Mary, and yet both women are happy to not only share the two of you with each other but to allow you to enjoy each other’s… company” Mycroft stated delicately

“Honestly Mycroft you’re such a prude at times, so what if Janine and Mary let Sherly and John shag each other, some women get off on it” Q rolled his eyes

“If I’m prudish then you are most definitely uncouth Charlemagne” Mycroft bit his biscuit in half

“Call me by that name again and I’ll have you shot, if you have to refer to me by something other than my initial, use the full title” the Quartermaster grumbled

“I do apologise, Quartermaster” Mycroft sneered

“You look hideously like Ex when you do that” Q glared

“Of course I do, that’s the point” the eldest Holmes smiled coldly

“Méi yòng de xiěxìng jīngshén de zhèngzhì jiā” Q hissed furiously

“Language, brother mine” Mycroft chided while Sherlock continued to smirk into his tea cup, just then there came the sound of footsteps on the stairs

“Ah Sergeant Donovan, to what do I owe the pleasure?” Sherlock smiled sardonically

“You’re needed on a case freak, Lestrade said to pick you up on the way there, God knows you’ll be a pain in the arse in the car” Sally ran her hands through her hair in agitation

“I should mind my tone if I were you Detective Sergeant” Mycroft intoned from the chair opposite Sherlock’s

“And you are?” she looked disparagingly down her nose at him

“Mycroft Holmes, Sherlock’s elder brother and some small modicum of respect would be appreciated, after all,” Mycroft smirked, “even in this day and age, being a woman of your rank is a dreadfully difficult position to maintain, the last thing you should want to do is be disrespectful to the man who is on first name terms with the Commissioner now would you?”

“Are you threatening me?” Sally growled at him

“No, he was merely suggesting that an immediate termination of any and all churlishness towards our brother would be in your best interests,” Q smiled wryly as he drew her to one side and showed her what was on the screen of his tablet, “I’m threatening you. Do we understand each other?”

“Yes” Sally gulped

“Good girl, now run along, Sherlock will follow you” the Quartermaster dismissed, he may not cut the same imposing silhouette as his brothers, but he made up for it with the terror he could inspire when people realised just how insecure their digital lives were.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, in Warwickshire.

“Morning drivers!” Carolyn's cheery voice trilled as she entered the portacabin

“Morning Carolyn” Martin looked up from his paperwork

“What’s got you so cheery this morning?” Douglas asked shrewdly

“We have just received a job, Martin, you have two hours to file a flight plan” Carolyn informed them

“Where to?” Martin asked

“Here to Roborough Airfield and from there on to Bilbao” Carolyn grinned

“I take it this is some rich bloke with more money than sense judging by your current fictional feline facial countenance” Douglas observed

“Try that again in English and I might just tell you”

“Cheshire Cat grin”

“Oh,” Carolyn nodded, “and as it happens, you’re wrong”

“Could you repeat that? I want to record it for posterity” Martin smirked

“Oh, someone’s been brushing up on their snark skills” Douglas mused

“Who’s the passenger Carolyn” Martin enquired, ignoring Douglas

“A group of SAS boys and their commanding officer, so be on your best behaviour” Carolyn smirked

“The SAS? I would have thought they’d have their own planes” Douglas raised his eyebrows

“It’s probably some mission or another, so they don’t want the Spanish knowing they’re there” Martin intoned

“Yes well, get that flight plan filed or the Colonel will be rather annoyed” Carolyn said as she left

“This is brilliant” Arthur grinned, finally making his opinion on the matter known

“Not every day you meet the SAS, I wonder who this Colonel is?” Douglas pondered

“Where’s Roborough Airfield?” Arthur asked, looking at the ‘airfields of Britain’ map on the wall in his corner

“Devon, just north of Plymouth” Martin answered, “it was built as a decoy airfield in the Second World War, and they decided to make it a functional airfield to free up space at Plymouth airport”

“Five points to Crieff of Trinity College, Oxford” Douglas smirked

“Excuse me?” Martin looked at his first officer in disbelief

“It was a University Challenge reference Martin, surely you’ve seen it at least once” Douglas chuckled

“I used to cheer on the other colleges when they were on, such a shame that my own college never actually won, we took part though,” Martin grumbled, “yes, my college; Clare College, Cambridge” he glared at Douglas

“Oops! Sorry, didn’t realise it was such a sore spot” Douglas smirked

“It is a bit, but you weren’t to know” Martin conceded as he got to work on the flight plan.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sometime later they’d reached Roborough Airfield, and things went downhill rather quickly.

“Martin!” Carolyn hissed as she stuck her head through the flight deck door

“What?” he looked round

“What did you do?” she growled

“In what context?”

“What did you do to upset the Colonel?” she clarified

“Nothing, I’ve never even met the man” Martin looked surprised

“Well he didn’t mistake Douglas for you, he asked for you by name” Carolyn grumbled

“He specifically asked for Captain Crieff?” Douglas asked

“No, he specifically asked for Martin, as in ‘could you run up front and fetch Martin for me?’” she huffed

“Oh God” Martin put his head in his hands

“What? What did you do?” Carolyn asked

“I didn’t do anything. Is he a tall man with red hair and gray eyes?” Martin replied

“Yes”

“A slightly disturbing smile and a permanent aura of someone who looks like he’s thinking of all the possible ways to horrifically kill you?”

“Yes”

“Christ, I’m done for” Martin sighed, “well, better get this over with” he spun his chair round and got up

“Hold on Martin, I’m not about to let you face this guy alone” Douglas got up

“You’ll regret saying that” Martin informed him as Carolyn led the way back to the cabin

“Hello Martin” a sly, almost sneering voice reached them as they entered

“Hello Colonel Black” Martin

“What’s the matter dear you look nervous?” the Colonel really was creepy bastard, even sitting down it was obvious that he was the sort to loom over everyone

“Everyone gets nervous around you, you have that effect on people” Martin said coldly

“You always were brave to the point of stupidity, Sherlock’s just as bad, but then it’s to be expected from identical twins” Colonel Black sneered

“And you’ve always been an Àomàn xīnlǐ biàntài niǔqū” Martin growled

“Language little brother, don’t want another Sana’a do we?” the older man smirked

“I want another Sana'a about as much as you want another Bletherford, brother mine” Martin snarked

“Can someone fill us in on the details here?” Douglas interrupted

“Sorry, this is Colonel Excelsior Black, born Holmes, my older brother” Martin deadpanned

“I’m lost, how can you have another brother, we've met your family, nobody mentioned another brother” Carolyn said

“The Crieff’s aren’t my real family. I was born to a pair of civil servants in Midsomer, but let’s just say due to a series of unfortunate events,” Martin paused, “I ended up being given to Wendy and Chris Crieff in a private adoption”

“What sort of ‘unfortunate events’” Douglas asked

“I presume you’ve heard of ‘The Cradle Snatcher’?” the Colonel intoned

“Serial kidnapper active during the eighties and nineties, stole newborn babies and sold them in fake private adoptions” Douglas nodded

The taller man gestured to Martin.

“You mean Martin was snatched as a baby?”

“Indeed, he doesn’t like to tell the story; he feels it makes his adoptive parents out to be villains”

“That’s dreadful” Carolyn gasped

“that’s how I ended up with the Crieff's, I grew up as Martin Crieff, although I had been given a legal name by my birth parents, and when I was twelve, my parents discovered the truth and told me, so we set out trying to find my birth parents”

“It only took him six months, we were actually rather impressed” the Colonel raised his eyebrows

“Well I am a Holmes, just because I wasn’t raised as one” Martin rolled his eyes

“So if your parents’ last name is Holmes, why are you called Colonel Black?” Arthur chimed in

“Because I have an identical twin brother who also works for the government and if you had two people with the same last name who look exactly the same running around people might accidentally think you’re the same person” he explained

“Not that that ever stops you from deliberately switching places just to scare the pants off each other’s new employees” Martin pointed out

“At least Mycroft’s lot usually figure out there’s two of us, Ian White still thinks I have some kind of split personality” Colonel Black laughed

“Yeah, except you actually do have a split personality, or least bipolar disorder” Martin sniggered

“Don’t push me Sherrinford or I’ll push you. Out of the plane, after takeoff”

“Don’t call me Sherrinford” Martin hissed

“Sherrinford? Really?” Douglas scoffed

“Don’t start” Martin glared

“I mean really? Excelsior, Sherrinford, Mycroft and Sherlock? Who names their sons like that?” the first officer laughed

“Our Mother, and we have two other brothers; Emerson and Charlemagne” Excelsior replied

“You have got to be joking” Douglas laughed

“Nope” Martin shook his head, “There’s Mycroft and Excelsior, they’re the oldest, and then Sherlock and myself, then Erica and Emerson, they’re mummy’s kids from some guy she slept with when she was feeling broody and her and dad were arguing, they’re twins too”

“Three sets of twins?”

“Yes. Then Mya, Sheryll and Charlemagne, a year between each, and then Merlin, dad’s son from a drunken night of passion with the Countess of Tintagel’s Lady’s Maid” Martin finished

“So that’s…”

“Ten children, between them, although if you include Merlin’s half sister Gwen, mummy’s goddaughter Tilly, our godfather’s adopted son Finlay, Erica and Emerson’s half sisters on their Father’s side and Martin’s adoptive siblings, then technically twenty” the Colonel nodded

“Dear God, is Martin’s twin anything like him?” Carolyn asked

“In some ways, but not completely”

“What a relief”

Chapter Text

Just his luck, three days until his pre-booked two week holiday and another serial killer lands in their lap.

“Three days, three more days and I’d have been clear of Whitechapel for two weeks” Kent grumbled

“What?” Chandler looked round, “oh yes, that holiday you booked last month, you can still go, we’ll be fine with man down”

“I couldn’t go in all good conscience sir, I’ll just have to tell mummy I’ll be missing her birthday this year, she’ll understand” Kent shook his head “if there’s one thing Joséphine Holmes understands it’s that the job comes first”

“Well regardless, I can't expect you to work when you have a pre-booked holiday,” the DI straightened up, “go and spend some time with your family, if you put the work first every time then it causes nothing but trouble”

“Look what it did to my first two marriages” Mansell nudged him

“Alright fine, but if you need me, for God’s sake call” Kent chuckled

“We’ll be fine, don’t worry” Riley ruffled his hair affectionately, it was like having another sister

“Well then, while we’ve still got you, you can be useful,” Miles laughed, “door to door, off you trot”

“Yes sir” Kent smiled and tipped the DS a salute before setting off.

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Not that he didn’t feel guilty, like he was leaving the team in the lurch, but in all honesty he was glad to get away from the blood soaked streets of Whitechapel to the clean air and grassy hills of Herefordshire.

“Nice to get away from smelly old London isn’t it?” Erica asked from next to him

“Yeah, and out here we can push old Midnight just that little bit further” he grinned and put his foot down a little

“I always wonder why you don’t drive her to work?” his sister tilted her head back to catch a little more spring sunshine

“Because I’d never hear the end of it from Mansell” he laughed.

There really was nothing that compared to zipping along the quiet county lanes in a pageant blue MGB Roadster, he called her Midnight, she was a ’69 and he loved her, regardless of the sniggers it often got from less mature people. Wearing the matching brown leather jackets that mummy had given them for Christmas, Emerson and Erica sat proudly side by side up front with Emerson in brown leather driving gloves and Erica in a blue silk headscarf to match Midnight’s paint and a pair of sunglasses. They probably looked ridiculous, but they were Holmeses, a little eccentricity was to be expected.

Admittedly the drive from London to Pencombe was a long one, so they took turns driving, but it was worth it when they finally saw Hegdon Hill rising out of the landscape.

Driving round to the garage at the back of the cottage, Emerson nudged his twin awake from where she’d dozed off just past Little Hegdon.

“Where are we?”

“Pulling into the garage ‘round back” he smiled

“Oh good, I hope mummy’s got tea on” she stretched and pulled off her sunglasses

“I’m sure she has, I beeped as we drove past the front”

“Marvellous, I’m parched” she hopped out and pulled their cases from the boot, only one small case each, they had enough clothes in their rooms to last them the two weeks

“Alright then, let’s not deprive mummy any longer of the chance to grumble over how thin we both are” Emerson chuckled; their Mother was forever complaining that they were too thin, it wasn’t that they didn’t eat enough, in fact they were almost constantly ravenous, it was just their metabolisms.

“No doubt we shall be thoroughly stuffed by the time we leave” Erica passed him his case as they entered through the rear gate.

“I wonder if mummy ever got around to calling the council about the mine shaft?” Emerson wondered as they passed the old climbing frame, not many people knew that there was once a tin mine under the hill, and one of the ventilation shafts came up under that old climbing frame, when they were kids they used to clamber down the ladder to hold secret meetings at the bottom of the shaft.

“Probably not, part of our childhood, that old shaft” Erica trailed her finger along the side of the marble bird bath as they passed it, breathing in the smell from mummy’s rose garden, the flowers in full bloom after the rainy April

“Fair point” Emerson conceded as the back door opened to reveal a distinctly flour covered woman in a floaty pink and blue blouse and a purple chiffon scarf around her neck

“Well, don’t dawdle, let me look at you” she called

“Mummy!” the twins cried and rushed towards her

“Oof! Careful you two, I'm not as young as I used to be” she smiled up at her children, “Oh, look at you two, you’re so thin, you haven’t been eating properly again have you? Come inside, I’ll make a sandwich”

They knew there was no point arguing, and so allowed themselves to be forcefully steered inside and sat at the tiny dinner table which had never seated all of them but still bore the telltale marks of years of chemical spills (Sherlock), bullet ricochets (Excelsior) and teeth marks (a very young Q).

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Alright team, listen up, we’ve just had a call from one of the rural forces, they have a body up their way that bears a striking resemblance to our case” Chandler called

“When you say rural?” Mansell looked worried

“Herefordshire, I know, I’m not keen on the idea either, but commander Anderson wants us to go up and check it out, I’ve told the locals that we’ll be there as soon as everything’s sorted this end” Chandler sighed

“Right, I’d better call my mum and ask if she can look after the girls for a bit” Riley said

“I’ll have to let Judy know I’m going away for a bit, Mansell?” Miles looked at him

“Yeah sarge?”

“Make yourself useful and get some coffee would you?”

“Right ‘o” he heaved himself up and went to get the coffee round in

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The following day and the team, minus Buchan and Llewellyn, who’d stayed behind, found themselves pulling into the car park of Hereford police station.

“I can’t believe it took us ten minutes just to find the building, you’d think it’d be clearly labelled but no, not even a blue lamp” Riley griped as they went inside

“DI Chandler to see DI Harrington” he said to the desk sergeant

“Just there sir” she pointed to a man who had just come through the door to the right of the desk

“Ah, DI Harrington?” he asked

“I am indeed, you must be DI Chandler” Harrington shook hands

“I am indeed, this is DS Miles, DC Mansell and DC Riley” Chandler introduced

“Pleasure, glad you lot could spare the time to help us out on this one” Harrington looked like he hadn’t slept in days

“It’s no trouble, not exactly clearly marked is it, this station?” Chandler asked

“Got lost? Yeah, sorry about that, locals keep spray painting the sign so we’re having it covered in a special chemical to stop the paint drying” Harrington laughed

“So where’s this body?”

“In the morgue, but I was hoping you’d get here soon, ‘cause we’ve just had a call in from our colleagues out in Bromyard that we’ve got a second one on their patch” Harrington sighed

“No time to lose then” Chandler gestured to the other man to lead the way.

It was a good twenty minutes drive to the village where the newest body had been found, during that time the team had a chance to discuss what they thought of DI Harrington.

“He looks like a capable enough copper” Miles shrugged when asked

“I don’t like him” Mansell said simply

“Why not?” Chandler asked

“I dunno, something just seems… off, about him” Mansell shrugged, although his slight grin showed he wasn’t being entirely honest

“I’m not surprised; I mean he’s a short, podgy little man with a rat-ish little face and a receding hair line” Riley pulled a face

“So you don’t like him because he’s an ugly devil?” Miles chuckled

“It’s unprofessional to talk that way about a fellow officer” Chandler admonished

“What about you Joe? D’you like him?” Miles asked

“It’s not a question of liking him, I think he’s a perfectly good officer and can do his job, that’s all that matters” Chandler deliberately kept his eyes ahead

“You don’t like him” Mansell stated

“Not in the slightest, but I can't put my finger on why”

“Well when you figure it out, let me know? We probably don’t like him for the same reason” Mansell laughed as they pulled up at the edge of a field and piled out of the car

“This way folks, found by the farmer’s son when he came out to fix the hedge this morning” Harrington led the way over to the far corner of the field where a white tent shielded the scene from view

“And it’s the same as the first?” Chandler enquired

“Certainly is” said a voice from behind them as a woman in a white crime scene suit exited the tent, “Dr. Jenny Harrington, forensic pathologist, and before you ask, yes, I am Danny’s sister” she jerked a thumb at DI Harrington

“Bit of a family business, I’m the third of seven and we’re all in law enforcement of some description” DI Harrington laughed

“You call it law enforcement, I personally prefer ‘giving police work a bad name’ Harrington” called a voice from behind them

“Nosy bloody Holmeses! Get your arse off my crime scene!” Harrington yelled at the young man, who ran off cackling madly

“Friend of yours?” Miles asked

“Far from it, the Holmeses and the Harringtons have been at each other’s throats for years” Jenny rolled her eyes, “our family owns Pencombe Hall, has done for centuries, and we’ve always been the ones that were respected by the village” she explained

“And then the Holmeses came along?”

“Yup, moved into the cottage on the hill there, fresh from Buckingham Palace, and the entire village took to them like ducks to water, but my dad took a dislike to Mrs. Holmes, he was real old fashioned you see, and Mrs. Holmes was everything he thought a woman shouldn’t be” Jenny sighed “so it started off just as him not liking her, then he did something stupid”

“What?” Mansell asked

“The Holmeses were at the village fair, as were my parents and brothers, when the Holmeses’ oldest boy was just out of hospital, I wasn’t born yet but I know he was rather sickly as a child, and he wasn’t looking great but he’d insisted on being allowed to go to the fair with his younger brothers” she smiled a bit “but my dad took one look at him when they arrived and said ‘look at the state of that one, a mother who actually gave a damn would just put it out of its misery’”

“I can see at least two things deserving of a smack in the face there. He called the poor kid ‘it’ and suggested she was an unfit Mother, I seriously hope she slapped him” Riley looked scandalised

“No, she walked over calmly, pulled back her arm and punched him so hard he had to have his jaw wired so it would heal properly” the doctor chuckled, “to be fair he deserved it, but our two families have been enemies ever since. I personally couldn’t care less, I like the Holmeses, I think they’re funny”

“Sounds like it’s your old man who’s in the wrong though” Mansell observed

“He was, but don’t try telling that to my brothers, they’re firm believers that daddy dearest is never wrong” she scoffed

“I knew there was a reason I didn’t like your brother” Mansell

“Nobody who meets him does, I considered changing my name just to get rid of the stigma but my dad threatened to cut me off; as much as I hate my family, I kinda need the cash, doesn’t exactly pay well, this job” the young woman huffed

“You actually get on with them then? The Holmeses?” Riley asked

“My older sister and I were best friends with the oldest girl as a kid, despite dad forbidding us from seeing her, he couldn’t stop us when we both went away to St Mary’s though, although he tried” Jenny laughed

“Psssst!” came a sound from behind them. Turning, they saw none other than Erica Kent hiding behind a tree just outside the perimeter

“Erica” Jenny and Mansell hissed at the same time

“Wait, you know her?” Mansell asked

“Remember that best friend I was just talking about?” Jenny slipped quietly under the crime scene tape, “if my brother catches you, you’ve had it you cocky bitch” she whispered

“Oh bugger off, the worst he can do is have me moved on, and anywho I’m only here to see my boyfriend

“Ah so you’re the mysterious Fin,” Jenny chuckled “I wondered who it was that finally managed to tame the wild spirit of Erica Holmes”

“First of all he knows me as Erica Kent, and secondly if there’s any taming going on it’s his not mine” Erica gave a playful shove

“Dr. Harrington?” one of the SOCO boys called

“Damn, I’d better scarper, give me a call later and we’ll have a gossip over my paperwork” Jenny hurried off

“I’d better get lost too, if Harrington the elder spots me he’ll probs try and pin the murder on me” Erica giggled and stole a quick kiss before disappearing into the trees as if she’d never been there

“Was that?” Riley asked

“Yes, yes it was” Mansell nodded

“So then, the cottage on the hill?”

“It would be yeah” he smiled blithely

“Good vantage point, someone might have seen something. Fancy doing door to door?” Riley asked innocently

“Sounds like a plan”

“Gov? Mansell and I are gonna go and look for witnesses” Riley called over

“Oh, good idea Riley. Let us know if you find anything” Chandler called back.

The two DC’s headed up the hill towards the cottage, it was nice, with red walls and a slate roof, bound by a gray stone wall.

Stepping up to the front door, Mansell paused for a moment to take a calming breath.

“You alright?” Riley chuckled

“I’m about to meet my girlfriend’s parents, one of whom once punched a man so hard he needed his jaw wired, of course I’m not bloody alright” he gulped,

“I thought your Uncle was their kids’ godfather?” Riley asked

“Yeah but I hardly know any of them, I moved in with Uncle Bill and Aunt Lorelai when I sixteen, I usually only saw the Holmeses at parties and things” he took another breath and knocked

The door opened to reveal an older woman, small and round with a kind smile and eyes that shifted colours as the light. She seemed so… ordinary.

“Hello Finlay, I remember when you were just a little thing, how’s Bill?” she asked sweetly

“He’s fine Ma'm” he swallowed

“Eri said you’d be dropping by, and you must be, Meg?” she smiled at the other woman

“That’s me, Meg Riley; I work with Emerson” Meg shook hands, “a pleasure to meet you Mrs. Holmes”

“Oh call me Josie, everyone does, even my kids sometimes but only if they’re being cheeky” she laughed “I suppose you’re here about that incident down the hill?”

“Yes Ma'm” Mansell stuttered

“Don’t “Ma'm” me unless I’m in uniform, and even then only if you're in trouble” Josie Holmes was a woman with a wicked sense of humour, Meg could see it

She led them through the sitting room, where the young man they’d seen earlier was sitting at a piano.

“Q’sie, could you go find the twins please?” Josie asked she curled his hair round her finger

“Which pair?” he asked as he snuggled into her side and continued to play, drifting from Taylor Swift’s never getting back together to Carly Rae Jepsen’s call me maybe.

“Double E” she kissed his curls and led them through to the kitchen as he got up

“More than one set of twins?” Meg asked

“Three; Mycroft and Excelsior, Sherlock and Sherrinford and Erica and Emerson” Josie explained as she put the kettle on

“You called?” Emerson smirked as he entered the room, his twin just behind him, Meg couldn’t help but grin; they were wearing matching t-shirts and jeans.

“Visitors Emmy” his Mother nodded

“Oh yeah, hi you two, how’s the case going?”

“Not bad, but now we’ve got to figure out why the killer changed locations, er, sorry about this Josie, can't imagine you like hearing people talk about murder over the dinner table” Meg grimaced

“Between Emerson and Sherlock I’ve rather gotten used to it dear, that table’s seen worse than discussions of murder” she chuckled

“How many cadavers has Sherlock dissected on here again?” Erica tracing the line of a scratch of unclear origin

“Urgh” Meg lifted her cup off the table

“He hasn’t done that in years and stop trying to disturb your brother’s friends” Josie scolded her daughter

“Mummy? Have you seen my phone?” a young woman entered the kitchen

“In the living room last I saw it Sheryll sweetie” Josie said

“Hi” Sheryll said brightly to Mansell and Riley

“Our little sister, mummy’s Princess” Emerson smirked

“Méi yòng de pìgu” the younger woman glowered at him, though the effect was ruined by the fact that she was grinning

“I swear, one of these days I’m going to take lessons in Mandarin just so I can understand what you’re all saying to each other” Josie rolled her eyes

“We love you mummy” Sheryll and the twins chorused

“I give up” she shook her head and left the room

“Where’re skip and the DI?” Emerson chuckled

“Making awkward small talk over a corpse with your friend DI Harrington” Meg laughed

“Good luck to them, at least Jenny’s nice” Erica rolled her eyes

“Give them a call up here, tell them you’ve got a lead, God knows Em owes it to them to save them from DI hang-yourself, I mean Harrington” Sheryll giggled

“Sounds like a plan” Mansell laughed, pulling out his phone.

Chapter Text

Chandler looked at his phone as it rang, noting that the caller ID said Mansell.

“Anything new Mansell?” he asked as he answered the phone

“Not really but I figured you and Miles wanted to ditch Harrington as soon as possible” the elder of his DC’s chuckled

“Preferably yes, but obviously not at the expense of the case” Chandler whispered

“It won't be, I think the folks up here at the red cottage might have seen something, but they’d prefer to talk to the officer in charge” Mansell emphasised the words

“I see,” Chandler said as Harrington came towards him, “well if they insist on talking to the officer in charge then I’ll talk to DI Harrington” he added loudly and then hung up

“A lead?” Harrington asked

“Possibly, the family up at the red cottage on the hill, but they’ll only talk to the officer in charge of the case” Chandler replied

“Damn” Harrington swore

“Problem?”

“That’s the Holmeses’ place, our families don’t get on and if I go up there we’ll never get a word out of them”

“Ah,” Chandler nodded, grinning inside, “Miles and I could go; we might be able to get something out of them?”

“Better for all involved really” Harrington sighed

“We’ll leave you to the crime scene and other potential witnesses then” Miles grinned at the other man.

Once they were out of earshot, Miles turned to his DI and smirked.

“What?”

“You know who lives up here though right?” the DS chuckled

“The Holmeses, Harrington said” Joe replied, the two men slipping into their usually easy familiarity

“Yeah, as in Sherlock Holmes’ parents” Ray pointed out

“As in Kent’s Mother?” Joe went pale, paler than usual that is

“The very woman, the same Mother who once smashed Harrington's old man’s jaw” Ray laughed at the terrified look on Joe’s face

“I don’t think Mansell was doing us a favour all of a sudden” Joe gulped as they walked up to the door

“Don’t be a baby, you look like a teenager about to meet his girlfriend’s parents for the first time” Ray smirked and knocked

“Afternoon skip, sir” Emerson smiled as he opened the door, his hair was ruffled and his beige t-shirt had an ominous dark red smudge on the collar

“Afternoon there Kent, or should I say Holmes?” Ray smirked at the younger officer

“Call me Em, easier that way and besides,” he stood back to let them in, “I’m off duty”

“If you insist, Em” Joe choked out with a little difficulty

“Of course I expect that to go both ways, Joe” Emerson flashed a jaunty half smile

“Naturally, er- is your Mother around?” Joe’s eyes darted around

“Somewhere, but I wouldn’t worry, she’ll most likely complain that you’re too thin and insist on feeding you up” the younger man chuckled and Joe couldn’t help but think what an infectious laugh it was as he felt his own lips twitch at the corners

“Who’s popped in?” asked a voice from behind them as a young woman poked her head around the door

“Joe and Ray” Emerson grinned over his shoulder at her

“Well fancy that, your DS is my Molly’s brother-in-law” the woman smiled and wrapped Miles in a hug

“Hello Sheryll, so let me guess, brother and sister?” Ray gestured between the two

“We are indeed, I’m younger by two years but, meh” Sheryll shrugged and went into the other room

“Sorry about her, that was my youngest sister, there’s another one but she’s popped out” Emerson rolled his eyes and led them through to the sitting room

“Look what the killer dragged in” Erica joked

“Bad pun Rica” a younger man rolled his eyes

“Aw shush Merlin, you know I’m funny as Hell” the older woman scoffed

“DI Chandler, DS Miles, allow me to introduce my family,” Emerson smiled, “the idiot arguing with Erica is my youngest brother Merlin, the one next to him is Q, Mya isn’t here just now and Sherrinford hasn’t arrived yet”

“Pleasure” Joe nodded to them

“And of course you remember Sherlock”

“Naturally”

“And who do we have here?” two voices asked in unison as two red haired men entered behind them

“Joe, Ray, these are my eldest brothers; Mycroft and Excelsior” Emerson introduced

“A pleasure gentlemen” one of the twins shook their hands

“Delighted” Joe let go and flexed his fingers

“Try not to crush his fingers Ex” Em laughed

“Play nicely boys and girls” an older woman walked in

“Yes mummy” the Holmeses chorused

Joe gulped, “a- a pleasure to meet you m-Mrs. Holmes” he stammered

“Oh hello!” she spotted him, “you must be Joe” she pulled him into a hug

“Erm, yes, I am” he said awkwardly as she pulled back

“I’ve heard all about you from Emmy and Eri, oh heavens you’re so thin” she frowned, “I’ll get you something to eat swe- dearie” she hurried off to the kitchen

“You really don’t-” Joe began

“Don’t bother, there’s no reasoning with her once she gets it into her head that someone needs feeding up” Q chuckled, he pushed his glasses further up his nose and settled back into the arms of the man behind him

“I did tell you Joe, she’s a force of nature when her maternal side takes over” Emerson laughed as he gestured for them to sit down

“Don’t worry about us then Em” John Watson chuckled

“Hello John” Ray acknowledged

“Hey Ray. This is my wife Mary, and Sherlock’s fiancée Janine” John introduced the two women either side of him

“Charmed”

“The man Q’s using as a cushion is James and the guy next to them is Alec, the three of us were practically brothers growing up. You remember Greg of course” John continued

“Good to see you again lads” Greg waved from where Mycroft (or was it Excelsior?) had his arms around his neck

“The woman next to him is Excelsior’s wife Anthea, or whatever her name is today, and Ray apparently you know Molly” the doctor finished

“Yeah, my Judy’s little sister, you alright Molls?” Ray asked

“I’m fine, better now that I’ve realised I was looking in all the wrong places” the young morgue tech smiled and leant back into Emerson’s sister’s hug

“Nice to meet you all” Joe nodded awkwardly as a sandwich was placed in front of him, “oh, thank you, you really didn’t need to Mrs. Holmes” he smiled shyly at her

Her blue-gray eyes twinkled as she smiled “It’s no trouble dear, and call me Josie”

“If we go back with nothing, Harrington’ll be suspicious” Ray pointed out

“Harrington’s permanently suspicious, it’s his natural state of being” Merlin quipped

“It’s ok, just say the lead turned out to be a bust, that way he’ll just try and do us for wasting police time and leave the real police work for the proper officers” Em rolled his eyes

At that moment, the baby monitor at Mary’s feet let out a wail.

“That’ll be baby Hettie wanting her breakfast” Janine smiled

“You dodged a bullet with Archie Janine, let me tell you” the shorter woman huffed as she got up and left the room

“Newborn?” Ray asked John

“3 months” John yawned

“I know the feeling mate”

“If it weren’t for Sherlock and Janine, I think me and Mary would’ve given up the ghost months ago” John rubbed his face, “especially after the landlord of the flat we were living in kicked us out”

“Why?” Ray looked shocked

“No idea, we were too exhausted by the baby to bother contesting it, thankfully there’s enough room in the flat I shared with Sherlock for six of us, well seven when Franny’s not at Uni”

“Six of you?” Joe asked

“Me, Mary and baby Harriet, Sherlock, Janine and their little boy Archie, they adopted him after his mum… well, we don’t talk about what happened” John sighed sadly “but he’s a good kid, and he loves Sherlock to bits”

“Poor lad, so who’s Franny?” Meg enquired

“Well he’s technically my second cousin, he’s from New Zealand originally but his parents died in a boating accident when he was twelve, my sister and I are the only family left so I took him in,” John sighed, “he stayed with some friends of the family while I was on tour in Afghanistan, then got into University College London on an arts scholarship and spends most of the year there, but he always pops to Baker Street for tea or if he needs to get away from the dorms for a bit, I mean it’s only about ten minutes from Lillian Penson Hall if you take the Bakerloo line” he smiled

“Your friends must be saints to put up with an art student” Fin laughed

“Geraldine and Charlie are good for looking after Franny, but since it’s just them and their son in law Edward I suppose they like having someone young in the house. Edward’s wife Charlotte died not long after their daughter Annie was born, her and her older brothers stayed in New Zealand when their dad and grandparents moved here” John smiled

“A lot of kiwi’s then”

“Well my own parents were from New Zealand, my sister Harry was born there but they moved to Glencoe in Scotland just before I was born. But I’ve always thought of Francis as my nephew, even though he’s legally my son since I adopted him” John explained

“Aw, I bet he’s a real sweet lad” Meg smiled

“Curly brown hair and the bluest eyes you’ve ever seen, we call him Frodo ‘cause he looks like Elijah Wood” Mary chuckled as she came back in

“We’d better get back to work” Joe said as he passed the empty plate back to Josie

“Let us know if we can help, and you’re welcome to stay here while the case is ongoing, we have more than enough room, even when Sherri arrives” Josie smiled and gave them all a hug

“Thanks Josie” Meg smiled back