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Chapter Text

Her memories of the last few days swirled in her mind as she slept.

Green light flared from Bellanaris hand as she dodged an attack from a lesser shade. She gasped, it was like her nerves were on fire. The distraction had left her vulnerable to attack and she only realised as the shade took the opportunity to lunge. Moments away from her face it froze, then shattered into pieces revealing an elven mage. He studied her for a moment, his expression unreadable. Abruptly he seemed to remember where he was and he turned, striking his staff into the chest of another shade. Ice spread from there, freezing it from the inside out. Bellanaris had never seen such magic.

Her heart was thumping in her chest, it was the only sound she could make out clearly. The battle cries, demon sounds and rift crackling all blurred together. It was too much. She tried to attack the demons but her hands were unsteady. Her breath came in short pants. She couldn't hear if there was a demon behind her. Noises blurred together. She could look but that would make her vulnerable. The elven mage stayed by her side, his eyes flitting to her every so often. Protecting her. That was strange. She had always been taught not to trust strangers, that they would leave you for dead at the first sign of trouble. Yet this stranger, clearly not a dalish elf, was protecting her.

She felt defenseless and she did not like it. Keeper Deshanna had always told her she was very skilled but she was never taught how to use this kind of magic. She had never been taught how to fight demons, only how to avoid them. Her attacks did nothing against the shades, they didn't even react to them.

Bellanaris jumped when a ball of ice was hurled, only inches away from her face. Another shade that she hadn't been paying attention, too distracted by the battle.

"We must seal it, quickly," the elven mage shouted over the noise of the rift. He grasped her wrist firmly, although gentle enough that it didn't hurt. He thrust her hand up towards the rift and the mark cracked. Green light shot out of her hand and her nerves felt again like they were on fire. Her hand felt drawn to the rift, like they were attracted to each other. The longer the elven mage held her hand there, the stronger the pull became. Suddenly he pulled her their hands away and with a loud crack the green light dissipated. My hand was pushed backwards and the elven mage released his grip. The rift was gone. 

She clenched her hand. The mark was no longer shining like a small sun was embedded in her hand.

"What did you do?" she asked, her eyes falling on the elven mage.

"I did nothing. The credit is yours," he explained.

"At least this is good for something," she muttered under her breath, her eyes falling on the light still faintly being emitted from her left palm.

"Whatever magic opened the breach also placed that mark upon your hand. I theorised that the mark might be able to close the rifts that have opened in the breach's wake and it seems I was correct," he said. He sounded pleased with himself.

"Meaning it could also close the breach itself," Cassandra theorised.

"Possibly. it seems you hold the key to our salvation," he said.

Bellanaris blinked. She might hold the key to what.

"Good to know, here I thought we'd be ass deep in demons forever," a voice said. It was the dwarf that had been fighting the demons with them. Well, fighting was a stretch for what she was doing.

"Varric Tethrus, rouge, storyteller and occasionally unwelcome tag-along," he winked at Cassandra and she sneered.

"Are you with the chantry or?" she asked skeptically.

The elven mage chuckled, "Was that a serious question."

"Technically I'm a prisoner, just like you," Varric admitted, looking down at his fidgeting hands.

"I brought you here to tell your story to the divine. Clearly that is no longer necessary," Cassandra said rather aggressively.

"Yet here I am lucky for you," Varric said and then muttered, "Considering recent events."

"It's good to meet you, Varric," Bellanaris said, giving him a polite half smile. It was all she could manage, her heart was still attacking her ribs.

"You may reconsider that stance, with time," the elven mage warned, seemingly half serious.

"Aw, I'm sure we'll become great friends in the valley chuckles," Varric said.

"Absolutely not!" Cassandra exclaimed. Then she sighed. "Your help is appreciated Varric but-"

"Have you been in the valley lately Seeker? Your soldiers aren't in control anymore," Varric said, cocking his head, "You need me."

Cassandra made a disgusted noise and walked away.

 "My name is Solas, if there are to be introductions," the elven mage said, gesturing to himself. "I am pleased to see that you live."

"He means, 'I kept that mark from killing you while you slept.' " Varric interjected.

"Thank you," Bellanaris said sincerely.

"Thank me if we can close the breach without killing you in the process," Solas said rather grimly. "Cassandra you should know; the magic involved here is unlike any I have seen. Your prisoner is a mage, but I find it difficult to imagine any mage having such power."

"Understood." she said with a nod. "We must get to the forward camp quickly."

"Well, Bianca's excited," Varric said, stroking his crossbow as Cassandra as Solas began to walk away.

"This way, down the bank, the road ahead is blocked," Cassandra called back to them.

Then suddenly something shifted.

Cassandra turned, drawing her sword and holding it against Bellanaris' throat. "Tell me why we shouldn't kill you now," Cassandra hissed pressing the blade into her throat. She tried to scream, to kick Cassandra away but she couldn't. She felt like her arms and legs were made of lead. Cassandra smirked and slowly drew the knife across her neck.

Bright green light flashed blinding her. The shock jostled her awake, her fair skin covered in beads of sweat. She gasped for air, her heart pounding against her ribs like a caged hummingbird. She scrambled to sit up, having to kneel to be able to see out the window- a disadvantage of her elven height. The hole in the sky was still there. Her heart sank, she had hoped that it was all a dream. A sigh fell from Bellanaris' lips as she ran her fingers through her wavy, white hair. She often did this when she was stressed. It was beginning to get matted at the ends, which wasn't surprising as its length reached her hips. There had hardly been time for her to tend to her hair recently.

The sun wasn't up quite yet but there was no going back to sleep now. Bellanaris slipped out of bed, stripped from her pyjamas and dressed in her apprentice coat. It was strange to wear shoes, she was used to being barefoot in the forest. Feeling soil against her feet made her feel more at home than anything else in the world. It wasn't really an option here in Haven, snow and all. She wasn't used to the cold quite yet.

Bellanaris cracked the door to her cabin, peeking out from the inside. Satisfied that the town wasn't yet filled with the bustle of people rushing to get first serve of breakfast, she slipped outside. Although the snow was foreign, she did like the sound it made when she walked. It reminded her of autumn in the free marches, of playing loudly in the leaves as a kid and of playing quietly in them when she wasn't so much of a kid anymore. Bellanaris smiled as her steps crunched and she stopped for a moment, pressing her feet into the ground to make the noise.

A similar crunching noise came from across the town and Bellanaris froze. Her eyes snapped up to meet eyes curiously looking back at her. Solas was outside of his own cabin, his hands behind his straight back and an amused smirk playing on his lips. Bellanaris sheepishly waved at him, her cheeks heating up. He nodded politely in acknowledgment.

She paused for a moment, unsure of how to proceed. She had been planning on slipping outside of the gates and watching the sun rise over the mountains. Still, she hadn't spoken to Solas since their attempts to close the breach. He had shown her such compassion and kindness without even knowing her. With that thought in mind she began to trek over to Solas, feeling as though every crunchy footstep deepened her blush another shade of red.

"The Chosen of Andraste. A blessed hero sent to save us all," Solas said as she entered hearing distance.

Bellanaris gave a short chuckle, pulling herself up onto the wall across from Solas and crossing her legs. "Am I riding in on a shining steed?" she joked softly.

"I would have suggested a griffin, but sadly they are extinct," Solas quipped, giving the smallest glimpse of a smile. "Joke as you will, posturing is necessary," he continued, stepping away from her, towards the snow-covered steps. "I have journeyed deep into the fade and ancient ruins and battlefields to see the dreams of lost civilisations. I've watched as hosts of spirits clashed to re-enact the bloody past in ancient wars both famous and forgotten." Each word rolled off his tongue in an accent unlike any other she had ever heard. The way he spoke made her feel as though every word was a delicacy. He looked at her over his shoulder, before turning his body towards her as well. "Every great war has its heroes, I'm just curious what kind you will be," he mused.

"What do you mean ruins and battlefields?" Bellanaris asked, trying to pull the focus off her for a moment. She had been under the scrutiny of every person she had seen since she had awoken in Haven and was eager for the attention to be on someone else.

"Any building strong enough to withstand the rigors of time has a history, every battlefield is steeped in death. Both attract spirits. They press against the veil, weakening the barrier between our worlds. When I dream in such places I go deep into the fade, I can find memories no other living being has ever seen." As he spoke his mind seemed to go to another place, his passion for what they discussed evident on his face.

"You've fallen asleep in the middle of ancient ruins, isn't that dangerous?" Bellanaris questioned, her interest in this strange elf peaking. He was not Dalish and he was not a city elf. He was something different all together, perhaps one of a kind. His interest in the world, present and past, is a passion that should be at the heart of every Dalish keeper. It was however, in Bellanaris' experience, usually hatred for humans and distrust that was the centre of a keeper’s passion.

"I do set wards, and if you leave food out for the giant spiders, they are usually content to live and let live," Solas explained.

"I've never heard of anyone going so deep into the fade. That's extraordinary," Bellanaris breathed and she meant it. Solas was like no one she had ever met, although she had not met many people until recently. Perhaps outside of the Dalish there were lots of elves who held similar views although somehow, she doubted this was the case.

"Thank you," Solas said genuinely. "It's not a common field of study for obvious reasons. Not so flashy as throwing fire or lightening. The thrill of finding remnants of a thousand-year-old dream? I would not trade it for anything."

"I will stay then, at least until the breach has been closed," he said, his eyes traveling to the giant, green hole in the sky that Bellanaris had been trying desperately to forget.

"Was that in doubt?" she asked, her brow furrowing. Solas knew more about the mark than anyone else. What if it started acting up again? Like it had while she was sleeping? He had kept her alive then, who would do it if he left?

Solas' brow furrowed. "I am an apostate surrounded by chantry forces in the middle of a mage rebellion," he replied, as though his answer was obvious. "Cassandra has been accommodating, but you understand my caution."

"You came here to help, Solas, I won't let them use that against you," Bellanaris said, pulling her coat tighter around her. The cold was beginning to creep through the fabric of her pants. Not only had Solas come to help but he had helped. Without him they never would have figured out that the mark could close rifts. More than that without his help she wouldn't be alive. "Kept that mark from killing you while you slept." Varric's words were indented in her memory. It had made her trust this strange elf, when she felt she knew no one around her well enough to trust.

"How would you stop them?" Solas asked, his tone becoming deeper, curious.

"However I had too," Bellanaris said firmly. She meant it. She owed it to him.

He paused, studying her with surprise. "Thank you. But now let us hope that either the mages or the templars have the power to seal the breach."

"Is that what has you up so early?" Bellanaris questioned, tucking her long hair behind her ear.

"It is troublesome, as are the dreams here," Solas admitted. "Spirits are pulled from the fade against their will, their nature twisted in the process. Their cries alone are enough to cause sleeplessness, even without the danger lingering over our heads."

"My dreams are troubling me too," Bellanaris admitted. Her eyes fell to her lap, where her hands lay fidgeting.

"You hear the spirits?" Solas queried.

"I-I- Maybe. I don't know," she sighed. Things used to be so simple for her. A dream was a dream. A nightmare was a nightmare.

Solas raised an eyebrow, studying her. "Would it comfort you to discuss it?" he asked.

"I- Yes," she admitted. Back home, if she had trouble sleeping, there were many friendly faces to turn to for comfort. She shuffled back on the wall and patted the freed space beside her.

Solas chuckled. He gracefully pulled himself up onto the wall beside her.

Silence hung in the air and Solas looked at her expectantly. She stared back for a moment, before realising that he wanted her to talk. "Oh!" she exclaimed, running her fingers through her hair. She didn't really know where to start but out of everyone in Haven, he felt the most like a clan member to her.

"I dream about the last few days events, over and over on a loop," Bellanaris confessed. "Things people said, the fighting, the rifts and..." her eyes travelled to the sky once again, "the breach."

"An immense amount for any one person to experience," Solas acknowledged.

“I’ve never been around this many strange people before or been away from my clan for this long,” Bellanaris admitted. “Every person here is depending on me. Fighting off a wolf who wants to steal your meal is one thing, fighting demons…” Bellanaris trailed off, searching for the words. “You saw me, I was terrible. If I had been fighting on my own I would have died,” she said, her lip trembling ever so slightly at the end.

Solas did not speak but she could feel his eyes on her. His silence began to worry her, he had only just decided to stay, had she made him doubt the inquisition enough to leave?

"You may be away from your clan but you do have support. Cassandra would not give you responsibilities if she believed you were incapable,” Solas said. “As for fighting, it is a skill, it takes time. The first time you pick up a paintbrush, you will not paint a masterpiece. You must learn the strokes first. In time, you will improve.”

“The whole idea of it scares me,” Bellanaris admitted.

“A fight is always daunting,” he agreed.

Bellanaris’ brow furrowed, “You look calm in battle.”

“Practice,” he reiterated, gracefully dropping himself from the wall. Bellanaris watched as he conjured the smallest of flames in his hands, melting the snow from his coat.

“Will you teach me?” she asked abruptly.

Solas paused, extinguishing his flame by balling his hand into a fist. “I’m not sure I would be the best for that, surely the Inquisition could- “

“I’m sure they could but I am asking you,” she pressed.

For a moment Solas considered, before turning away. “Perhaps another time,” he answered, walking towards his cabin.

“Thank you, Solas,” Bellanaris called out.

“For what do I owe the pleasure?” he asked, turning only his torso to look at the small elf.

“Everything,” she said with a shy smile.

Solas nodded, then hesitated, seemingly unsure of how to proceed. “I am glad my counsel helped. You should prepare for our trip, I believe Cassandra wishes us to leave after breakfast and the sun is beginning to rise,” he said, before slipping inside of his cabin.

 -

After breakfast Bellanaris walked down the the stables. When she had lived with her clan, she had often helped tend to the Halla. In some ways they were similar to horses, however elves treated them vastly different than the humans treated their horses.

The horses were already saddled, all that was left to do was to attach their bags. Bellanaris jumped the fence into the stables, not bothering to attempt the gate. There were five horses there, although only four were saddled. The fifth one was out of shape and its chestnut hair was sprinkled with grey hairs. Only one of the horses reacted to Bellanaris. He nuzzled her arm gently and in turn she stroked his neck.

Haven was beginning to fill with the bustling sound of people and she found herself glad that they would be leaving any moment. The hinterlands wasn't too far of a trip and it would bring her back to the forests that she loved.

"Talking to the local wildlife, little deer?" Varric's voice called out. Bellanaris looked up to see the charismatic dwarf walking towards her.

"Getting to know my travelling companion," she replied, gently scratching the stallion's nose.

"Talkative?" he asked, leaning on the stable fence. 

Bellanaris gave a small laugh, "It's more about the body language. If he didn't like me he'd pin his ears. If he distrusted me he'd back away."

"So compared to that is the nuzzling a marriage proposal?" Varric joked.

"It shows that he is okay with my companionship, he is not opposed to me riding him," she said, her rosy lips forming a small smile at Varric's quips.

"-lived alone? Out in the wilderness, as an apostate," Cassandra's voice grasped Bellanaris' attention. She only caught half of what she had been saying. Another reason she did not like the loud nature of Haven. If she had been out of town, 'in the wilderness' as Cassandra had put it, she would have heard her approaching from much farther away. Bellanaris looked up to see Solas was walking with her, both dressed for travel.

"For the most part," Solas replied.

"Would that not be incredibly trying?" Cassandra asked.

"People can be trying, mankind most of all," Solas said pointedly.

"That... is an excellent point," Cassandra conceded as the two reached the stables.

"Are you two going to squabble or are we going to leave now?" Varric teased.

Cassandra eyed him, "You are aware you are no longer my prisoner, Varric."

"But how would you go on without me," he replied, giving the seeker a quick wink. She sighed, opening the gate to the stables, "Let's just get on with it shall we?"

 It was going to take four days by horse to get to the hinterlands but Bellanaris had a suspicion it was going to be closer to five with these mounts. They would need breaks often and the cold was sure to slow them down. She found it was nice however, to ride a mount again. This horse was not as graceful or as fast as a Halla but it gave her a similar feeling of freedom just to be away from Haven. The only thing to hear on the mountains was the wind whipping around her ears and making her nose feel numb. The company was not terrible either, although mostly silent. Varric did attempt several times to start a banter between the group but it was quickly shut down by Cassandra.

"Eye spy-" Varric started.

"No," Cassandra interrupted.

"But-" he tried again.

"No," she barked.

"Hmph. Well you should be good at finding things," Varric muttered.

Bellanaris couldn't help but smile at the dwarf's attempts at comedic relief. When Varric made such comments she would try to sneak a look back at Solas without him noticing, to see how he reacted. Each time there was a small smirk dancing on his lips.

The horses held up better than expected but by nightfall everyone needed a break. Varric was particularly loud about the discomfort long journeys by horse gave his 'backside,' much to Cassandra's dismay.

They set up camp at the base of the mountains but the ground was still covered in snow. Bellanaris could only hope that her bedroll would be generously lined with fur.

"How you holding up, little deer?" Varric asked, sitting across the fire from Bellanaris. He was preparing dinner for the night, some kind of small furry animal that Cassandra had brought in her pack from Haven. Cassandra was sat beside him, watching closely as he prepared the furry meal, almost like she was expecting him to poison it.

"Little deer?" Solas questioned, emerging from the second tent he had put up.

"Yeah, you saw her that day. The way her eyes went wide when you grabbed her and closed that rift. Scared, like a deer. And the little is self-explanatory," Varric said.

"Ah, of course. You are aware that the word for a 'little deer' is fawn," Solas pointed out, standing beside the fire, warming his hands. Bellanaris thought that the action was to keep hands busy more than to warm him, he could easily conjure a fire in his palm if he so wished.

"Yes but a fawn is a young deer, I'm not stressing her immaturity she's far from it, I'm stressing her small elven size," Varric said.

"You realise you are shorter than me, Varric," Bellanaris pointed out.

"But I'm tall for a dwarf, your short for an elf," he said.

"Tall for a dwarf?" Cassandra repeated.

"Alright, alright, average then," Varric allowed.

Bellanaris laughed softly, pulling the blanket she was bundled up in closer around her.

"Would you be more contented if I fabricated a warmer flame?" Solas asked, eyeing Bellanaris' shivering form.

"It's not worth the trouble," she said with a grateful smile, "I'll have to get used to it sometime."

Solas stepped closer to the fire and it roared to life. Bellanaris shuffled closer to it, feeling as though her nose was finally defrosting.

"You do not have to get used to it overnight," Solas said.

"Thank you," she replied, pulling her hair to the side away from the flame. An act of caution that had been carved into her by her parents as a child.

Bellanaris felt much more at ease, here. She knew that if anything was coming her way, she would hear it before she could even see it. She was no stranger to defending herself in the wilds, it was in the company of others that she knew nothing of.

Varric was a surprisingly good cook. Not as good as eating at the tavern in Haven but better than expected. The food reminded her of home, of hunting with her clan members, her friends and family. She was first to the keeper, so it was a special treat to go with the hunters. She always felt especially proud when her catch was used to feed the clan that day. When she thought of home she longed for her family. She had spent a lot of her life with her mind occupied on the world outside of her clan, yet now she was out in the world her mind could only think of her clan. Her clan and of course all the terrible things that had happened in the last few days. And the terrible things that were yet to happen.

"You seem a lot less jumpy out here, little deer," Varric pointed out, kneeling down beside the fire.

"I feel more at home. Animal noises don't scare me and if someone is coming I can hear them from a mile away. In Haven everything is so loud, I can't distinguish one noise from another," Bellanaris explained.

"With time you become used to the general bustle of the town. It becomes background noise like the wind is out here. Then you can learn to distinguish the sounds that are not normal," Solas said.

Bellanaris let out a soft sigh, "It seems as though the answer to everything is time."

"I beg to differ, time is working against us with the breach," Varric said, looking at the sky. The green light was still visible, flickering from the breach but it was still comforting to put distance between herself and it.

 "Alright, that's enough doom talk for me," Varric said, getting to his feet.

"Agreed, we should all rest before tomorrow," Cassandra said, making her way to her tent.

Solas made no move to leave and neither did she.

"Herald?" Cassandra asked, pausing before her tent.

"I'm not tired quite yet," she said. "I won't stay up too late."

Cassandra nodded, disappearing into the tent that Varric had not.

Bellanaris stared into the fire, watching how the flames licked the air.

"You are Dalish, yet clearly away from the rest of your clan. Did they send you here?" Solas asked.

"What do you know of the Dalish?" she asked.

"I have wandered many roads in my time, and crossed paths with your people on more than one occasion," Solas explained.

"We are both the same people, Solas," she said, her brow furrowing ever so slightly.

"The Dalish I met felt differently on the subject," Solas said, his voice hinting at bitter emotions.

"Each clan has different values, as does each member," she said, looking into the orange flame. "It is true many of the Dalish see themselves as the only true elves but we are all children who have lost their way. We have been severed from our culture. Being Dalish should be about searching for answers, trying to learn about who we were not about hating humans."

"I fear you are alone with those views," Solas said.

"Why do you say that?" she asked.

"As I said, I have crossed paths with the Dalish many times. I offered them knowledge only to be turned away. Their superstitions getting the better of them," Solas said, again his voice growing bitter. "They only act out misheard stories. While they mangle details I walk the fade and see things they have not. Still they turned me away. The Dalish always prove themselves to be ignorant children incapable of accepting a helping hand."

"Ir abelas, Hahren. if the Dalish have done you a disservice, I would make that right," she said, her voice growing bitter too. It was however, less about the insult to her people - she knew the words he spoke were true - and more about the insult to her.

"Ir abelas... Da'len. I... I did not mean to offend. It was not you I spoke of," Solas clarified. "The mistake is mine, I expected of the Dalish a feat with which they could not accomplish."

"The Dalish try at least," she said softly. "I tried. I studied every piece of knowledge the keeper could give me. It was fractures, fragments... what do you know of elves? You said you came to the Dalish with knowledge and they turned it away. I am welcoming it."

"Oh," Solas said, his brow furrowing slightly.

"Do you not wish to tell me?" she asked softly.

"It is not that. I had expected you would rather tell me your opinions on elven culture," he admitted.

"Because I am an ignorant child of the Dalish? Have you not listened to me? I want to learn. Being Dalish to me is all about learning" she explained.

"Clearly I was mistaken," Solas said. "If I can offer any understanding, you are but to ask," he offered.

She gave Solas a small smile, "another time. Perhaps as we travel tomorrow?" she asked, standing up still balled up in her blanket.

"If it pleases you," he said politely.

She nodded and started towards the tent she would share with Cassandra.

"Sleep well," he offered as she ducked inside.

 She did not. Nightmares swirled in her mind. Demons running after her, being sucked into the breach as though it was a tornado and of course the dream where Cassandra took pleasure in murdering her.

She awoke with a start. The first thing her eyes fell on was Cassandra sleeping peacefully beside her, clearly without murderous intent. That helped at least. A reminder that her nightmares were just that, nightmares.

Careful not to jostle the tent, Bellanaris dressed and snuck out, leaving a lightly snoring Cassandra to sleep. She made her way over to Varric's horse and retrieved the bow he had tied to it's saddle. She wasn't sure why he bothered the bring along a spare, it wasn't as if he would ever use a bow other than Bianca. She retrieved his quiver and her own bag before setting off into the snowy forest. She had always been fascinated with how brave the hunters were, how they took care of their clan and kept them feed. She admired them. Being first did come with great responsibilities but it never felt like she was actually actively doing anything to help her clan. Sure, one day she would guide them but that wasn't today. That was why whenever one of the hunters offered for her to tag along she jumped at the opportunity and it was why she knew her way around a bow quite well.

It wasn't long before she came across fresh paw prints in the snow and Bellanaris followed them, careful not to make noise. The hare that had left the tracks wasn't far away. It was pawing at the snow, surely searching for some greens. She retrieved one of the arrows she had borrowed from Varric and drew the bow. She held her breath to steady her hands as she aimed. A clean shot was what she needed, a shot that would take it's life cleanly and without pain. When she was sure, she released the arrow but not before looking away. Only silence followed. She let go of her breath. She had ended it's life quickly.

She approached the hare reverently, kneeling before it. "Ir abelas," she muttered as she retrieved it, blinking back a small amount of moisture in her eyes.

"You are good with a bow," Solas' voice called out. Bellanaris jumped at the sound, looking up at him bewildered, "I didn't hear you approach."

Solas smirked, "I did not want you too." His eyes studied her for a moment, "Why hunt if it brings you remorse?"

"It needs to be done," she said, the corner of her mouth twitching slightly as she shrugged. "If the hunter does not hunt, the clan cannot eat. It is a burden one must carry, a form of caring for those around you. That does not mean I cannot be sorry that for my life to continue this one had to end."

"A noble sentiment," he said with a nod.

"Why did you follow me?" she asked, getting to her feet.

"I thought you might be running away. Your belongings were missing," Solas admitted with a shrug.

"And you thought you could bring me back?" she asked.

"Possibly," he said.

"Running away would not help anyone, even me," she said.

"Has the thought not cross your mind?" Solas asked.

"It crossed my mind but the thought was not entertained. I think that the Inquisition deserves a better Herald, however until they are done with me I shall stay," Bellanaris said, looking off into the forest. "I take my duty seriously, even if I do not think I am right for it."

"You are not right for it, no one is right for it. You do have the potential however. Not everyone possesses that," Solas said.

Bellanaris sighed softly. Another person with false hope.

"You handle a bow with grace," he pointed out.

"If you saw my brethren you would not think so," she said with a small smile.

"I saw you," he said. "If you can handle a bow in such a manner, I am positive you could handle your magic with equal if not more grace."

"I had a good teacher," she said with a shrug.

"You do not give yourself due credit, however, I believe I am an acceptable enough teacher," Solas said.

Bellanaris raised an eyebrow, "You'll teach me?"

"If it would still please you," he said.

"Yes!" she exclaimed. He raised an eyebrow.

Bellanaris cleared her throat, "I mean, yes, it would."

Solas chuckled, "Perhaps after we return to camp. I am sure Cassandra is worried the apostate has kidnapped her Herald."

"She knows you would do no such thing," Bellanaris said.

"Would I not?" Solas asked, flashing a wolfy grin. With that he turned and began strolling towards the camp, his hands clasped behind his back.

Chapter Text

The four Inquisition members still had a long way to ride but they had made it out of the snow at least. They rode at a steady trot with Cassandra leading the group and Solas trailing. Bellanaris and Varric rode beside each other, exchanging stories.

"You did not," Varric said, waving Bellanaris off.

"It's true!" she exclaimed.

"You ran all the way out of the cave and up a tree because you saw a spider?" he asked.

"It wasn't just a spider, it was a giant spider," she explained.

"Oh please," Varric laughed.

"Yeah and that's not the worst part. Once I was up the tree I couldn't get down again. Turns out I'm terrified of spiders and heights," she admitted.

"How did you get down?" Varric asked.

"Eventually a hunter found me, shaking in the tree," Bellanaris laughed. "Told everyone in the clan too. Every time he tells the story he exaggerates how scared I was more and more."

"Sounds like you've got a few more stories up your sleeve," Varric said.

"Yeah," Bellanaris agreed. Thinking of home, of her clan, her chest hurt. She sighed.

"Missing home?" he asked.

"A bit," she admitted softly.

"Hey Chuckles, say something in that elven language of yours, make our Herald feel more at home," Varric called out.

Solas sighed, "Ma nuvenin, Durgen’len."

"What in the hell does that mean?" Varric asked.

"As you wish, Child of the Stone," Bellanaris translated.

"A better translation would be 'as you say, Child of the Stone'," Solas informed. "Yet another thing the Dalish have improperly interpreted."

Bellanaris only huffed in response.

"Can't you elves just play nice for once?" Varric asked.

Bellanaris slowed her horse down to barely a walk, dropping back to Solas.

"Alright, if you know better, I have my questions prepared," she said.

Solas studied her for a moment, his expression unreadable. "Of course," he said finally, with a nod.

"I'd like to know more about the elves before our time," she said.

"The Dalish strive to remember Halamshiral, but Halamshiral was merely a fumbling attempt to recreate a forgotten land," he explained.

"Arlthan," Bellanaris identified.

"Elvhenan was the empire, and Arlthan its greatest city. A place of magic and beauty, lost to time," Solas said, his voice filled with longing. 

"You've studied ancient elves in the fade?" she asked.

Solas nodded, "We hear stories of them living in trees and imagine wooden ramps or Dalish aravels. Imagine instead spirals of crystal twining through the branches, palaces floating among the clouds. Imagine beings who lived forever, for who magic was an natural as breathing. That is what was lost," his voice was filled with loss.

"It sounds beautiful," Bellanaris said, her heart sinking.

"It was," he whispered.

"I wish I could see what you see," she said, looking up at the sky. "I can barely imagine the things you dream of."

She felt Solas' eyes on her and when she turned to him, he was frowning.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

Solas merely shook his head and gave her a polite smile. She noticed that it never reached his eyes.

It was then she decided she wanted to know everything the elven apostate could tell her. Her natural curiosity took over and being trained to be a keeper for many years meant she knew exactly what she wanted to ask.

"Are all Dalish elves like my clan?" she asked as they rode carefully over the rocky terrain at the bottom of the mountains. Bellanaris felt lucky for her experience riding halla, it had prepared her for this hard route. Varric had several times nearly fallen off his mount, having no equestrian experience in his repertoire.

"No. Your clan was unique in having enough interest in human affairs to send you to spy upon the divine's meeting. As your clans have been separate for so long, they have all changed, adapting to the lands in which they live. Some are no more than bandits, others trade freely with humans, and some have disappeared entirely into the forests," he explained.

"Do any of them have it right?" she asked softly.

"Not in my experience," Solas said.

Satisfied with his answer, she picked up speed again, matching Varric's pace. It continued like this for the rest of their journey. A question would appear fully formed in her mind and she would drop back to ask Solas. He was ever patient with her never ending curiosity and he remained polite in his responses taking care not to curse the Dalish too much. Solas was a marvel to her. He knew so much more than the Dalish. Her own people had turned him away when he offered such knowledge, the kind that they had been trying to preserve with all their might.

"What can you tell me about elves that are living in human cities?" Bellanaris asked on one occasion, as they were beginning to reach the outskirts of the hinterlands.

"The culture in alienages or among the slaves of Tevinter is like any of the impoverish and powerless. They cling to memories of a better past and practice a few rituals to distinguish themselves from humans," Solas explained patiently.

"Do they speak any elven?" she asked.

"Very little," he replied.

Once again, satisfied with that answer, she rode away. Soon they were only a few hours from the hinterlands, yet they needed to rest their horses. Varric and Cassandra set up camp this time, as the sky darkened. Bellanaris had rolled a fallen tree closer to the site, hoping to use it as a bench rather than sitting on the grass.

"Is the magic they teach in the circle different from the magic I learned with my people?" Bellanaris asked, as she pushed the log closer to where the fire would be. Solas looked up from the kindling he was on his knees arranging. He emitted blue light from his palms and the log moved itself into place. She huffed, he could have done that sooner.

"No and yes. Magic is magic, just as water is water, but it can be used in different ways. Dalish magic is more practical, not needing chantry approval, although they still frown on blood magic. Superstition," Solas said.

Bellanaris nodded, "I was never taught how to defend myself with magic, only how to care for the clan."

"Much of it is more subtle, a legacy from when elves were immortal," he said.

"The legends of elven immortality... did they use magic to increase their lifespan?" she asked.

"No, it was simply part of being elven. The subtle beauty of their magic was the effect, not the cause, of their nature. Some spells took years to cast. Echos would linger for centuries, harmonising with new magic in an unending symphony. It must have been beautiful..." he trailed off his voice filled with sorrow.

"It must have," Bellanaris agreed, her tone equally grim. "You said that censure against blood magic was a superstition..."

"I did. It's fortunate Cassandra is not within earshot," Solas said, amusement evident in his voice. "Most modern cultures forbid blood magic. Publicly, even Tevinter disproves of it. But as I said, magic is magic. It only matters how it is used."

"I was raised to believe no good could come from it, that it is only possible to use it for the wrong reasons," Bellanaris said.

"I once saw a blood mage healer who shed her own blood to heal a patients wounds," Solas said.

"So it isn't evil? Just a means to an end like any other magic?" she asked.

"Indeed. The problem is that, under the chantry, blood magic is forbidden, so only criminals practice it. While in Tevinter, magisters compete with each other instead of keeping their volatile friends in check. They always succeed through power, so they have never had the chance to learn another way. I myself never took the time to learn it. Blood magic seems to make it more difficult to enter the fade. A shame, as it is extremely powerful. Provided it remains a tool, not a crutch... nor a passion," he explained.

Bellanaris nodded, that made sense. It seemed as though the Dalish were scared of a lot of things unnecessarily.

"I never realised the fade could be so useful," she said.

"Many people do not. It doesn't draw the attention that other, more extravagant forms of magic do," Solas said.

"Tell me more about the fade," Bellanaris said, sitting down on her makeshift log-bench. The sun was just beginning the disappear behind the horizon and the wind was turning cold. "How much do you know?"

Solas lit the kindling with a flick of the wrist. When he was satisfied that the wind was not going to put it out, he perched himself on the very end of the log. "A great deal, from my wanderings. There are few hard facts, but I can share what I have learned," he said.

"What about the breach," she said, looking up at the sky. Even here it's green light was visible, even though it was far away. It was hard to get it out of her mind. They expected her to close it, a feat that they weren't even sure was possible.

"Simply put, it is a tear in the veil between this world and the fade, allowing spirits to enter the world physically. Small tears occur naturally when magic weakens the veil or when spirits cluster at an area that had seen many deaths. But your mark allows you to exert some control over the breach. That means it was created deliberately," he explained.

"What about demons? Now I'm fighting them I should probably know about them," Bellanaris said.

"The Chantry says that demons hate the natural world and seek to bring their chaos and destruction to the living. But such simplistic labels misconstrue their motivations and, in so doing, do all a great disservice. Spirits wish to join the living, and a demon is that wish gone wrong."

"Is there a way to coexist? If not in peace, at least without such active confrontation?"

"Not in the world we know today. The veil creates a barrier that makes true understanding most unlikely. But the question is a good one, and it matters that you thought to ask."

"What is the veil exactly?" she asked.

"Circle mages call it the barrier between this world and the fade. But according to my studies in ancient elven lore, that is a vast oversimplification. Without it..." Solas trailed off. "Imagine if spirits entered freely," he picked back up again, passion evident in his voice. "If the fade was not a place one went but a state of nature like the wind."

"It sounds like it would be wonderful, magic would be so much easier. And spirits wouldn't have their nature twisted when they entered our world," Bellanaris said.

"And dangerous... but yes. A world where imagination defines reality, where spirits are as common as trees or grass. Instead spirits are strange and fearful, and the fade is a terrifying world touched only by mages and dreamers," Solas said and for the first time a genuine smile that touched his eyes crossed his lips. "I am glad that I am not alone in seeing the beauty of such a world, along with the obvious peril."

"We are afraid of so much, all due to misunderstanding," Bellanaris said. "If people took the time to understand..."

"Then there would be a lot less chaos in this world," Solas finished.

"The Dalish have got it so wrong," she muttered, looking up at the breach again.

To her surprise, Solas said nothing. She could however feel his eyes on her, studying her as they often did.

"I find a great comfort in talking to you, Solas," Bellanaris admitted, bringing her gaze to him.

Solas nodded, his expression unreadable and she realised he was guarded. He looked into the fire, leaning forward to warm his hands.

With the firelight flickering on his face, highlighting his features, she couldn't help but realise that he was quite attractive. It wasn't like she hadn't noticed before, it was just that she hadn't really stopped to admire him. He was mature and delightful to look at.

"Alright, who wants dinner?" Varric asked, emerging from one of the tents, rubbing his hands together.

-

"I'm not entirely sure that talking to Mother Giselle helped," Bellanaris said. They had entered the hinterlands early in the morning to make good time on meeting her. Since then they had been helping the refugees. They had found several cases of supplies, too heavy for the four of them to carry over such a large distance. Instead, however, they packed as much as they could into their bags to give to the refugees while they were waiting for the supply crates to be brought to them.

"Do not dismiss her so soon," Cassandra warned.

"It's hard to be optimistic when the world is literally falling apart around you," Bellanaris sighed.

"Agreed," Solas said.

"Aw, come on chuckles," Varric said, pushing the elf lightly. Solas looked down at the elf with discomfort.

"How far away is Val Royeaux?" Bellanaris asked.

"About seven days travel from Haven," Cassandra replied.

Bellanaris felt fortunate that she was used to long travel.

They still hadn't found enough supplies for the refugees, and where scouring the area looking for more. Varric and Bellanaris were more adventurous in their scouting, climbing boulders and such to get a better view point. Cassandra and Solas merely followed behind, checking their surroundings thoroughly.

Sound of armor came from nearby, causing Bellanaris to come to a halt.

"Templars," she muttered, pointing in the direction the noise was coming from.

Cassandra paused, listening intently. After a moment she nodded, and the party started in that direction.

They were closer than Bellanaris had thought. Two templars were attacking an inquisition scout, who was struggling to defend herself.

"Templar deserters," Varric scowled.

The moment they arrived the scout ran for cover. Solas froze the first templar and Cassandra came up behind him with her sword, shattering the templar. Bellanaris tried to copy the attack, focusing intensely and freezing the other templar. He wasn't frozen like Solas' target was, but it immobilised him allowing Varric to kill him swiftly with an arrow to the chest.

"Thank you," the scout gasped. "If not for you, I'd be dead."

Cassandra nodded, trying to recover her breath.

Bellanaris looked around. There was a blanket laid out on the ground and a small crate with food on it to the side. There was a mage girl laying on the blanket, lifeless.

"This is a mage," she said.

"Eldredda, yes. I think that was her name," the scout said. "At least I'd heard other apostates call her that. The Templars attacked the apostate. I suppose I just got caught in the middle."

"Looks like someone was having a picnic," she muttered.

"Uh, yes, the mage must have been hunting for...blood magic..." the scout said, sounding unsure of herself.

Cassandra raised an eyebrow at the scout, clearly believing her story as much as Bellanaris was.

"So, the truth... I may have been, um, passing the time with Eldredda," the scout admitted.

Cassandra opened her mouth to speak and Bellanaris rushed to speak first, knowing whatever she was going to say would be harsh. "You were trying to find a moment's peace in the midst of this war."

"We were... yes. At first she was just a mage that saw me and didn't attack, but later, we..." the scout trailed off. "So, are you going to report me?"

"Look, kid, if you can talk an apostate out of her pants in the middle of a war, you've got a gift. Use it. Make contacts, get information, and help the Inquisition. Do that and our lips are sealed," Varric said.

"All right, I can do that. And... thanks, for going easy on me," the scout said.

Varric nodded and the scout sheepishly began to make her way back to her post, where she should have been.

"Our scouts need to be more vigilant," Cassandra muttered.

"They're also people," Bellanaris said softly. "She had already lost enough."

Cassandra hesitated but nodded in agreement.

"Look, there's crates down there," Varric said, shielding his eyes from the sun and pointing.

"Good, if they're supplies that should be enough for the refugees," Cassandra said.

"Your focus is your strength," Solas muttered to Bellanaris as they made their way over to the crates.

"Pardon?" she asked.

"When you focused on your magic, you got the results you desired. The key to training yourself for battle will be your focus," Solas explained. "That will help."

"Oh," Bellanaris said. She hadn't been aware.

They were supplies, and the four Inquisition members stuffed their bags with as many blankets as they possibly could, before setting back to the small village. It was a long walk, having left their mounts at camp with scouts. After helping the refugees they were heading to see the horse master.

When they approached the village they headed straight for recruit whittle. Cassandra went to speak to him, while the others handed out blankets to the ones who needed them the most.

"You showed that woman compassion," Solas noted, passing out blankets to grim faces.

"If anyone can find companionship during hardship they are lucky," Bellanaris said.

"Agreed. People should seize any chance at a moment's respite in times like these," Solas said, locking gazes with her. She could have sworn for a moment his eyes ducked to her lips, but she was sure she imagined it. Despite that warmth spread through her stomach. She bit her lip. It wasn't as though he had meant them.

 Bellanaris turned her attention back to the refugees. They were all extremely grateful for the blankets, some of them smiling for what must have been the first time in ages.

"Thank you, Herald," a young human girl said in a soft, hopeful voice as Bellanaris handed her a blanket. She had to blink back tears. Her chest physically hurt at the words. "Chin up," she said, gently raising the girls gaze by her chin. The girl smiled and giggled slightly as she wrapped herself up in the blanket. "I know you'll close the breach. Andrastae guides you, my mum says so," the girl said, a smile still wide on her face. "We'll give it our best," Bellanaris promised, giving the girl the best smile she could muster. Then, having completely emptied her bag, Bellanaris turned away from the refugees, still struggling to blink back tears. She perched herself on a rock and tried to compose herself.

"Are you alright, Herald?" Cassandra asked, approaching. Her words only drove the knife in deeper. So many people depending on her success, believing she was chosen for this. Bellanaris wiped the tears from her eyes before Cassandra could see them.

"I'm fine, Seeker," she replied, holding a hand up to stop her. Cassandra was the last person she wanted to speak too, she believed she was chosen more than anyone else.

"It occurs to me I don't actually know a lot about you," she said, continuing to approach despite Bellanaris' reassurances.

"What do you want to know?" Bellanaris asked with a meek smile.

"Where are you from?" Cassandra asked, sitting on the rock beside her.

"My clan never stayed in one place for long, though we primarily roamed the free marches."

"Oh? I didn't think your people roamed that far north, but clearly I'm mistaken. I'm told some members of your clan might still be alive, do you intend to back?" she asked.

"Once this is all over, yes," Bellanaris said.

"It won't be the same if you do," Cassandra said.

That was true. It was something she had been trying to ignore. Already her life had been changed so much, she had changed. She had seen the world, she had known people outside of her clan. It scared her to think that when this is all over she might not want to go back.

"I did not mean to pry," Cassandra said, "I thought speaking of home might comfort you."

"I miss them," Bellanaris admitted, "And I am scared that once this is all over, I might not want to go back, I might not recognise myself."

"That might not be a bad thing. Your world has grown," Cassandra said.

"My world has grown to depend on me," she said, sounding rather defeated.

"Is that what troubles you?"

Bellanaris sighed softly, "I know, Andrastae chose me for this, I should put my faith in her."

"That is what I believe. You do not and I will not force my beliefs on you," Cassandra said. "You are not facing this alone. What happens is as much my responsibility as it is yours."

"You don't have children looking up at you, telling you that you're their last hope," Bellanaris muttered.

"That is an excellent point," she said and now it was her turn to sigh.

-

Every muscle in her body ached. It had been a long day and the entirety of it was spent on foot, helping the refugees, fighting off wolves, securing the horses for the Inquisition. The mounts the horse master had given them to ride back to Haven were in perfect condition, strong, fast and agile. He had promised more horses and his own services as soon as the Inquisition built watch towers for him. It was a worthy trade. They had also made a detour on Solas' behalf, to investigate an elven artifact in the area.

"We should make camp," Varric said as they saddled their new mounts.

"No, if we ride for a few hours tonight, we will get back to Haven quicker. We need to get back as soon as possible and these mounts can handle it," Cassandra said.

"I don't think Little Deer can," Varric teased, looking over at Bellanaris, who was struggling to pull herself onto her mount.

"I'm fine," she muttered. In truth the last rift they had closed near the Redcliff Farms had drained her. Her arms were so tired she couldn't even pull herself onto her horse.

"You say that now but in a few minutes you'll be sliding off of your saddle," Varric said.

"I said I'm fine," Bellanaris said. Unfortunately her words lost all worth when she yawned shortly after saying them.

"The Herald can ride with me. I will make sure she stays steady," Solas offered.

"There we go," Varric said.

Cassandra looked from Varric to Solas skeptically, as though she suspected this was a master plan to assassinate Bellanaris, by having Solas throw her off the horse mid gallop.

"Really, it's not necessary," Bellanaris argued.

"Are you uncomfortable riding with me?" Solas asked, lowering his voice so only she could hear.

"I- no," she said. "But-"

"Then it is not a matter for debate," he said, collecting Bellanaris' mount's bridle and attaching it to the saddle of Solas' with a piece of rope.

Bellanaris sighed, knowing that arguing would do her no good. She tried to pull herself up onto the mount but her arms were so tired and weak that she could not support herself.

"May I?" Solas asked in a low voice, standing beside her.

She sighed and knowing there was no way she was going to get onto that horse herself, nodded her consent.

Solas gently place his hands on her waist and hoisted her up onto the horse. Again, warmth spread through her body and the place where his hands had been tingled. She mentally scolded herself for her foolishness. Yet when Solas joined her atop of the horse, grasping the reins from around her body, she felt that same warmth. There was no way to avoid it, her back was pressed against his chest.

Only because he doesn't want you do fall off of the horse, she reminded herself. It would be hard to explain that the Herald of Andrastae was unfit to travel because she broke her leg falling off of your horse.

The reasoning did not help. She was attracted to him.

Once Varric was mounted with the assistance of Cassandra, they were off towards Haven once again. They rode fast, trying to cover as much distance as possible and take advantage of their mounts potential. Their speed meant Solas had to keep an arm around her, to stop her from jostling so much. She noted how careful he was to keep his hand on her waist and no where else.

"Tell me about yourself, Solas," she said softly.

"Why?" he asked rather sharply.

"I-I respect you," she stuttered out, surprised by her own inability to form a coherent sentence. "I was curious, simply wondering about who you were. You do not have to tell me." She felt her cheeks heating up again.

"Ir abelas, with so much fear in the air... What would you know of me?" Solas asked, speaking softly as not to yell into her ear, due to their close proximity.

"What made you start studying the fade?"

"I grew up in a village to the north. There was little to interest a young man, especially one gifted with magic, but as i slept, the fade showed me glimpses of wonders I could never have imagined. I treasured my dreams. Being awake, out of the fade, became troublesome."

"Did spirits try to tempt you?"

"No more than a brightly coloured fruit is deliberately tempting you to eat it. I learned how to defend myself from more aggressive spirits and how to interact safely with the rest. I learned how to control my dreams with full consciousness. There was so much I wanted to explore."

"I gather you didn't spend your entire life dreaming," Bellanaris teased.

"No, eventually I was unable to find new areas in the fade."

"Why?"

"Two reasons. First, the fade reflects the world around it, unless i travelled, I would never find anything new. Second, the fade reflects and is limited by our imaginations. To find interesting areas, one must be interesting."

"Is this why you joined the inquisition?"

"I joined the inquisition because we are all in great danger. If our enemies destroy the world, I would have no where to lay my head and dream.

"I wish you luck,"

"Thank you. In truth, I have enjoyed experiencing more of life to find more of the fade."

"How so?"

"You train your will to control magic and to withstand possession, your indomitable focus is an enjoyable side benefit. You have chosen a path whose steps you do not dislike because it leads to a destination you enjoy. As have I."

"Indomitable focus?"

"Presumably. I have yet to see it dominated. I imagine the sight would be..." Solas leaned forward, so his breath was against her ear, "fascinating," he finished in a low voice.

A shiver ran down her spine and she cursed their close proximity. There was no way he didn't feel that. She only let out a small noise of approval at his words. She felt his chest shake slightly with a silent chuckle.

Despite the complex emotions she was feeling, it was still a struggle to keep her eyes open. Once again, she yawned.

"Sleep," Solas muttered softly, his grip on her tightening ever so slightly. "I will not let you fall," he promised.

She could not help it any longer, her eyelids closed and did not open until later that night. When she did wake she was being carried into her tent, yet the moment her head hit the pillow she was asleep once again.

Chapter Text

"Eye spy," Varric started.

"No," Cassandra barked.

"Oh come now Seeker, I'm just trying to be friendly," Varric said.

"Try being quite," Cassandra said snidely. Varric waved her off.

Bellanaris heard Solas chuckle slightly from behind her. She pulled back to ride beside him.

"The way they bicker you'd think there was something between them," she said, amused at the thought of them hearing her. Both parties wouldn't speak to her for the whole ride back to Haven she was sure.

"Indeed," Solas said, his gaze flickering to Bellanaris for a moment before resting ahead of him again. She frowned. That was surprisingly distant.

Bellanaris picked up speed again, assuming her place behind Varric.

It was like that for the rest of the trip. It wasn't as though he was ignoring her, it was more that he acted indifferent. She tried to shrug it off. Perhaps he was tired. She could not, however, as when they camped for the night instead of assuming his place beside her at the fire, he excused himself, claiming a need to clear his head before slipping off into the forest. It was surprising, considering their closeness over the last few days but she understood that Solas wasn't used to being around people. Perhaps it was all simply too much for him, as Haven was at times simply too much for her. She did not pressure him to talk, she figured he would approach her again when he was ready.

Bellanaris found that although she was more comfortable while out of Haven, there were things she missed about it when gone. Such as baths. Her whole life she had never had a bath. It was glorious and it was the first thing she did the moment she got back to haven. Actual warm water, not a stream. It was divine. Her relaxation however did not last for long. When they had arrived back in Haven there was a large, angry crowd outside of the Chantry. Tensions were rising between mage and templar recruits. It was unsurprising. They would only be staying in Haven for a day, to rest up and restock supplies. She decided that she would go down to the training grounds where commander Cullen would be supervising. He had been trying to keep things civil between the mages and the templars. Bellanaris knew that Cullen used to be a Templar, so she hoped he might be able to give her some insight. She could sympathise with the mages, she couldn't imagine being locked in a tower all day, not being allowed to explore. She had only heard bad things about the Templars. Cullen didn't seem like a bad person though. So she set off across Haven to speak to him.

She passed by Solas' cabin and looked over out of habit. He happened to be outside but when she met his gaze he averted his eyes. She sighed. Without Solas to talk to Haven was especially lonely. Bellanaris liked solidarity too but she also needed to feel connected to someone around her. Solas had been filling the gap that leaving her clan had left there.

"You there! There's a shield in your hand. Block with it. If this man were your enemy, you would be dead. Lieutenant, don't hold back. The recruits must prepare for a real fight, not a practice one," Bellanaris heard Cullen say as she approached. His words snapped her back into the present and out of her daydream.

"Yes Commander," the Lieutenant replied.

"We've received a number of recruits, some local some refugees. None made quite the entrance you did," Cullen said when he noticed her approach.

"At least I got everyone's attention," Bellanaris said with a small sigh.

"That you did," he said, amused. "I was recruited to the Inquisition in Kirkwall myself. I was there during the mage uprising - I saw the devastation it caused," Cullen said.

"Ser," a man dressed in Inquisition clothes said, handing the Commander a clipboard.

"Cassandra sought a solution. When she offered me a position, I left the templars to join the cause. Now it seems we face something far worse," he said, looking over the papers.

"The conclave destroyed, a giant hole in the sky - things aren't looking good," Bellanaris said bleakly.

"Which is why we're needed," Cullen said, handing the clipboard back. "The Chantry lost control of both Templars and the Mages. Now they argue over a new divine while the breach remains. The Inquisition could act when the Chantry cannot. Our followers would be part of that. There's so much we can- Forgive me. I doubt you came here for a lecture."

"Actually, I came here to ask about Templars," she admitted.

"Well, if you need insight into what the order is doing now I'm afraid I can't offer more than you already know. Anything else I will answer as best I can," he promised.

"What does Templar training involve?" Bellanaris asked.

"There is weapon and combat training, even without their abilities Templars are among the best warriors in Thedas. Initiates must also memories portions of the chant of light, study history and improve their mental focus," Cullen explained.

"Did you enjoy your training?"

"I wanted to learn everything. If I was giving my life to this I would be the best Templar I could," he said.

"You were a model student," she said.

Cullen laughed, "I tried to be, I wasn't always successful. Watching a candle burn down while reciting the chant of transfiguration wasn't the most exciting task. I admit my mind sometimes wandered.

"Do Templars take vows? I swear to the maker to watch all the mages, that sort of thing."

"There's a vigil first, your meant to be at peace during that time, but your life is about to change. When it's over, you give yourself to a life of service, that's when your given your philter, your first draft of lyrium, and it's power. As Templars, we are not to seek wealth or acknowledgment, our life belongs to the maker and the path we have chosen," he explained.

"Before coming here my keeper suggested I avoid Templars. Do they do anything besides hunt mages?" Bellanaris asked.

"Templars protect against the dangers of magic. Before the order left the Chantry, that meant serving in a circle. They were also tasked with tracking apostates or fighting demons inevitably summoned by the weak or malicious," he said.

"What do you think of mages? Are they all a threat?" she asked, studying him carefully.

"I've seen the suffering magic can inflict, I've treated mages with distrust because of it at times without thought. That was unworthy of me. I will try not to do that here. Not that I want mages moving through our base completely unchecked. We need safeguards in place to protect people, including mages from possession, at least," he said. Well, that was reasonable enough, she supposed.

"Why did you join the order?"

"I could think of no better calling than to protect those in need. I used to beg the Templars at our local Chantry to teach me. At first they merely humoured me, I must have showed promise or at least a willingness to learn. The knight-captain spoke to my parents on my behalf. They agreed to send me for training. I was thirteen when I left home." he said.

"Thirteen... that's still so young," she said softly.

"I wasn't the youngest there. Some children are promised to the order at infancy. Still, I didn't take on full responsibilities until I was eighteen, the order sees you trained and educated first," he said.

"What about your family, did you miss them?" she asked.

"Of course, but there were many my age who felt the same. We learned to look out for each other," Cullen said.

"You've lived in a circle, what was a typical day for a Templar there?" Bellanaris asked, hoping she wasn't peppering him with too many questions at once. She wasn't trying to be invasive, she just wanted to learn more about this big, new world she was in.

Cullen laughed, "Typical. The last time I was in a circle was right before it fell apart, nothing was typical."

"Before that then," Bellanaris pressed.

"Certain rituals require a full guard. A mage's harrowing, for instance. I've attended a few. Most of the time you merely maintained a presence, on patrol or in the circle, ready to respond if needed. Mage's pretend to ignore that presence but they're watching you just as closely," Cullen said.

"Do Templars and mages never speak to each other?" she asked.

"Some do, but Templars are supposed to maintain a certain distance from their charges. If a mage is possessed or uses blood magic, you must act quickly without hesitation. Your judgment cannot be clouded. Of course, ignoring one another does nothing to foster understanding."

Bellanaris' thoughts drifted to her conversation with Solas that had occurred a few days prior. He had said that blood magic was like any other magic, a means to an end. Yet Cullen had spent his life fighting against it. Out of fear of the unknown?

"Did I offend?" Cullen asked, rather nervously.

"No... no..." Bellanaris shook her head. "It's just... different, that's all. From how I grew up. Everything is."

"You never encountered Templars?" Cullen asked.

"Never. My keeper spoke of them, she said they were one of the reasons we kept moving. If we stayed too long people would get irritated with us..." Bellanaris trailed off again. Cullen was a good person. More than that he was a likeable person, yet he had been a Templar. It was hard for her to wrap her mind around it. He was a good man yet he was actively part of the imprisonment of mages. She supposed it wasn't so simple as Templars are bad because they do the wrong thing. Perhaps some of them were like Cullen and they had the best intentions... It was hard to believe that when she had seen what they had done. Maybe it was only Cullen.

"I cannot imagine someone becoming irritated with you," Cullen said softly. "I mean- I- er-" he stuttered, his cheeks going red.

"Herald," Solas' voice said in a crisp tone, making her jump at his proximity. She winced at the use of 'Herald'. He knew she hated being called that. The elf was merely a few steps away, his eyes on the Commander. His expression would have been completely unreadable if it wasn't for how tightly his jaw which was clenched. He was angry... or maybe irritated?

"I have a lot of work to do," Cullen said, taking Solas' appearance as a opportunity to sheepishly backing out of the conversation.

"Good afternoon, Solas," Bellanaris said, turning to him.

He studied her for a moment, his jaw still clenched. "I thought you might like to use this spare time to train but perhaps I was mistaken," he said, his voice cold. "I did not mean to interrupt."

"Interrupt?" Bellanaris repeated, bewildered by his tone. He had been distant but this was something else. This was cold.

"It seemed to be a private conversation," he said calmly, beginning to slowly stroll across the training grounds. All of the dummies were free down the end.

"Why would you...?" she asked, looking bewildered at the elf.

"It is none of my concern," he said, his voice as cold as his magical attacks.

Bellanaris frowned, trying to figure out what in the hell Solas was talking about. Was he offended that she was speaking to Cullen? Because he was a Templar? That didn't explain why is thought it was private- Oh!

"Solas, I was merely asking Cullen about Templars. I want to know as much about what we are dealing with as possible. There was nothing private about the conversation, at least not on my end," Bellanaris explained.

His jaw relaxed.

"It is no concern of mine what you do... or who you do it with," Solas said indifferently. "Are we going to train?" he asked.

Bellanaris decided it would be better to shrug it off, so she nodded, positioning herself in front of one of the training dummies. Solas did a half circle around her, his eyes scrutinizing her. He stopped by her side and looked at the dummy. "Let us begin," he said.

Solas knew what he was doing. His instructions were clear and precise as were his corrections. He picked up even the smallest of imperfections in her movements and showed her how to adjust. He was endlessly patient with her, even as the last of the recruits left for dinner he continued to instruct her without complaint.

"Straighten your forearms... no, like this... better," he muttered as he circled her, surveying the way she cast her spells. Then once she had the basics down he would take his own dummy, demonstrating a spell and allowing her to copy.

Footsteps crunched in the distance and Bellanaris turned to look who it was, however Solas, who was already looking, was in the way. She went to step forward but Solas' hands on her torso made her freeze. On of his hands were pressed to her stomach, and the other to the small of her back.

"You need to focus on controlling the magic, feeling it within you," he said in a low voice, leaning into her ear. "Channel the fade through your core," he muttered. She could feel his breath against her ear, like she had that night. She looked up at him, her eyes falling on his lips. How easy it would be to kiss him in that moment.

There was a loud metallic clatter, snapping both of their attentions away. Commander Cullen was retreating back towards Haven's gates and a rack of swords had been spilled on the floor.

There was a smirk dancing on Solas' lips. He looked down and the moment he noticed her gaze on him, the smirk was gone.

"The problem is not your ability," he said. "Confidence is the key. When you are not second guessing yourself, you are focused. When you are focused you act with grace," he said.

"Are you suggesting I'm graceful, Solas?" she teased.

"No, I am declaring it. It was not a subject for debate," Solas said, removing his hands and stepping back from her. He nodded his head and gestured for her to begin her attacks once again.

Warmth was spread through her torso and she focused her emotion into her attacks. She stepped forward, twirling her staff in a precise way before slamming it into the dummy's chest. At first nothing happened, but then icicles began to jut out of the dummy in all directions. She had frozen it from the inside out.

"See. You need to be bold," Solas said, "The skill is already there."

Bellanaris smiled, feeling as though she had actually accomplished something for the first time in many days.

"Well? Keep going," Solas said, raising an eyebrow at her. She laughed softly, turning back to the dummy and continuing her assault.

-

Val Royeaux was unlike anywhere Bellanaris had ever been. It was glorious yet overwhelming at the same time. Especially when you were being yelled at and watching well respected Chantry members being punched. In the face. By Templars.

There had not been time for sightseeing. It seemed that everyone wanted time with the four of them. First an arrow was shot at the floor beside her feet, which had a note attached that sent them all over the city searching for clues. Next a circle mage was giving them a message, then the Grand Enchanter herself stopped them to ask for an audience with them. The message from the circle mage turned out to be an invitation to a ball, which Cassandra and Bellanaris attended briefly. After Madame De Fer froze one of her guests, she offered her services to the Inquisition. They accepted as they were in no position to be turning down help, then the whole group set off to their second location. An elven girl called Sera met them in an alleyway of sorts. It was an extremely strange meeting and she also offered her help to the Inquisition. They agreed but Bellanaris didn't know if that was the best idea. It was very overwhelming after spending the last few days, barely speaking to anyone and travelling through the forest.

The four of them were staying in an inn for the night, they were to meet Sera in the morning and Vivienne was to travel by herself. Bellanaris had to ask Cassandra what it was, she had never heard of one before. Her clan never stayed at such places, if they needed to travel they took their aravels with them. The rooms were somehow different to the ones in Haven. They had a different feeling to them. It was surprising to Bellanaris how travelling from city to city, human culture changed so much. Val Royeaux was filled with large, marble buildings and structures plated in gold. Even the walls in her room were made from marble and the flooring was a lush carpet, the likes of which she had never seen before. She took off her shoes, squeezing the carpet between her toes. It was like walking barefoot on grass but... nicer in a way.

There was a firm but polite knock at her door.

"Yes?" Bellanaris called out.

The door opened to reveal Solas, ducking his head into the room. "Apologies for interrupting. Dinner will be over soon if you have not eaten," he said politely.

"I ate already, thank you, Solas," she said.

He nodded, his gaze falling on her feet. Her toes were still firmly grasping the carpet. "I was just, uh- it feels like grass," Bellanaris stuttered out, feeling her cheeks warm up.

"I'm sorry?" Solas said, raising an eyebrow.

"I mean, it doesn't. Well it does it feels like grass but different. Comforting. Soft... I've been wearing shoes in Haven... It's cold there. I don't know how you walk around barefoot on snow," she blurted out.

Solas chuckled slightly, "You get used to the snow eventually."

"So everyone says," Bellanaris sighed.

Silence lingered in the air longer than was comfortable. "I should take my leave," Solas said with a polite nod.

"Wait- I," Bellanaris stuttered out.

Solas raised an eyebrow.

"I'd prefer the company, if that's alright with you," she admitted.

Solas considered for a moment, "As you wish, but let us journey out of your quarters," he said, pushing the door open fully. Bellanaris couldn't help the wide smile that spread across her face. He led her out of the inn and into the streets of Val Royeaux. The sun had turned in for the night, however the streets were lit with lamps. She could still make out the freckles that were splattered over his nose, unlike their strolls around camp at night. Bellanaris was surprised by so much in this city. The way people dressed, the way they talked, the buildings.

"This city is so different from anywhere I've ever been," she admitted, gazing up at Solas.

"I have travelled to many places and still Val Royeaux does have a uniqueness to it," he agreed.

"Do you like it here, then?" she asked.

"Partially. It is shares some similarities to places I visit in the fade," he said. His eyes were searching for something, or someone. "Ah, wait here," he said, strolling off in the direction his gaze had been in.

Her brows drew together, wondering where in the world he could have been going. She leaned against the wall behind her, watching him. There was something about the way he walked. There was a sort of confidence about him that you could not see by simply glancing at him, but if you observed closely, it was there. It wasn't arrogance, it was the kind of confidence that came with wisdom. Solas stopped in front of a stand and conversed with an elderly human woman for a few moments. He handed her what she only could assume was coin and collected something from the stand in return. He then turned, holding in his hands two small, frilly cakes. Bellanaris raised an eyebrow.

He held one out to her, looking pointedly between it and her.

"Thank you," she said politely, taking it. "I wouldn't have pegged you as a sweet-tooth."

"One must indulge in secret pleasures or life would not be worth living," he said. "Shall we find somewhere to feast upon our luxuries?"

Bellanaris nodded unable to keep what felt like a childish smile off of her face. They walked together, in silence through the sleeping city and for the first time the silence was natural, not uncomfortable. She wondered if it was because like her, he was just happy for the company. They found a wall low enough that they could pull themselves up onto it easily and it was there they decided to stay.

Bellanaris skeptically pealed the paper pan from the cake. She had never seen food like this before. It was sweet smelling and round, decorated with with brightly coloured frills.

"Trust me," Solas said, watching her with amusement. "You'll like it."

She took a hesitant bite from the cake and her eyes lit up. Solas chuckled.

"It's so sweet!" she exclaimed excitedly.

"I take it the Dalish do not eat dessert often," he said, amused.

She shook her head, looking at the little cake with awe. Solas chuckled again before taking a bite out of his own little cake. They were small and it took only a matter of minutes for them to be demolished.

Bellanaris' gaze fell on the stars. In someways they were comforting. Lately her surroundings were constantly changing but the stars were always there at night.

"You said you travelled to many different places," She said, turning her attention to Solas.

"This world, or it's memory, is reflected in the fade. Dream in ancient ruins, and you may see a city lost to history. Some of my favourite memories were found in crumbling cities long picked dry by treasure seekers. The best are the battlefields. Spirits press so tightly on the veil that you can slip across with but a thought," Solas explained, painting a picture in her mind with his words.

"Any place in particular?" Bellanaris asked.

"I dreamed at Ostagar. I witnessed the brutality of the darkspawn and the valor of the Ferelden warriors. I saw Alistair and the Hero of Fereldan light the signal fire... and Loghain's infamous betrayal of Cailan's forces," He said.

"I've heard the stories. I was only eight at the time. It would be interesting to know what it was really like," she said, her curiosity piping up.

Solas' gaze swooped over her disbelievingly for a moment. Bellanaris raised an eyebrow.

Whatever it was he shrugged it off. "That's just it. In the Fade, I see reflections created by spirits who react to the emotions of the warriors. One moment, I see heroic Wardens lighting the fire and a power-mad villain sneering as he lets King Cailan fall. The next, I see an army overwhelmed and a veteran commander refusing to let more soldiers die in a lost cause."

"And you can't tell which is real?" she asked.

"It is the Fade. They are all real," he said.

"I suppose," she agreed. Solas was still giving her a peculiar look and she raised an eyebrow at him again.

"It's just... I would not have guessed that you were so young," he admitted sheepishly.

"It's hard to tell with elves," Bellanaris agreed.

"Yes, but that was not my meaning. You do not act young," he said.

She frowned, "Should I?"

"No, it was not a criticism, merely an observation," Solas said.

"A good observation?" she asked.

He chuckled softly, slipping off the wall. "Yes, a good one," he replied, extending a fair hand to help her down.

-

"Didn't think the Herald would be a mage. I mean it's fine, yeah, just keep your spells over there. Away from me," Sera said. She was travelling back to Haven with their small party and since she didn't have her own horse, she was sharing one with Bellanaris. The ride felt excruciatingly long with Sera stuck behind her the whole time.

"What's wrong with magic?" Bellanaris asked, slightly irritable.

"What isn't wrong with it. It's scary, alright. I don't understand that stuff and I don't want to think about it," she said.

"All magic isn't scary, Sera," she said.

"Yeah, you can say that. Your made of it, I'm not. I don't want anything to do with it, yeah?" she whined.

"Alright, something else then. Tell me about yourself," Bellanaris said, determined to find something good about her.

"Like what?" Sera asked.

"Something we have in common, maybe? We're both elves," Bellanaris tried.

"Mmm, no," Sera said.

"What?" she asked, bewildered.

"Not that kind of elf. Not an elfy elf. I don't like elfy elves," Sera muttered.

Bellanaris sighed, there was no hope. She was beginning to regret offering to share her mount.

"It's getting late, maybe we should stop to camp," Bellanaris called out over the wind.

"I suppose," Cassandra called back, slowing her horse down to a trot. The others followed her lead. They rode for a few minutes longer, looking for a suitable clearing to camp. When they did Bellanaris waited for Sera to dismount before she did herself.

"Alright, I'm gonna go pee, no one look in this direction, yeah?" Sera said, trotting off into the woods.

"Someone else is taking her tomorrow," Bellanaris said, throwing her hands up in defeat the moment Sera was out of earshot. "Apparently I'm too elfy and too magey."

"I'll take her," Varric offered, driving a stake into the ground for the horses to be attached to.

"Thanks," she replied, relieved. "I'll set up the tents," she offered, taking her horse's bridle and attaching it to a rope before tying it to the stake.

"I'll lend my assistance," Solas said, retrieving the tents from one of the many packs the group shared.

Bellanaris wasn't exactly practiced with tents. She'd helped a few times now but it wasn't her area of expertise. It was easy enough, however, to hold parts of the tents in place while Solas properly assembled them.

"Have you always travelled and studied alone?" Bellanaris asked Solas. She was holding the roof of the tent up while he fastened it's structure.

"Not at all. I have built many lasting friendships. Spirits of wisdom, possessed of ancient knowledge, happy to share what they have seen. Spirits of purpose helped me search. Even wisps, curious and playful, would point out treasures I might have missed," Solas said.

She frowned, "I don't know of any spirits by those names."

"They rarely seek this world. When they do, their natures do not often survive exposure to the people they encounter. Wisdom and purpose are too easily twisted into pride and desire," he explained, stepping away from the tent before extending a hand to Bellanaris. She took it and he pulled her from the tent. When they were standing, he was easily a head taller than her. It was true that she was short for an elf, but Solas was tall for one. And quite built. His shoulders were definitely wider than any elf she'd ever met. Their hands were still clasped between them.

"Chuckles, could you work your magic?" Varric asked. He was on his knees, arranging kindling for a fire.

Solas slipped his hand out from hers and conjured a small flame in it before casting it into the kindling. It roared to life, lighting the quickly darkening area. Cassandra began pulling food out of her pack, something from Val Royeaux most likely.

"Alright, no one looked did they?" Sera asked, returning to camp.

Bellanaris gritted her teeth.

"A walk, perhaps?" Solas offered.

She breathed a sigh of relief and nodded. She'd had enough Sera for one day.

The two strolled of into the forest, taking advantage of the last of the sun's light.

"You were saying you became friends with pride and desire demons?" she asked.

"They were not demons for me," he said.

Bellanaris raised an eyebrow.

"The Fade reflects the mind of the living. If you expect a spirit of wisdom to be a pride demon, it will adapt. And if your mind is free of corrupting influences? If you understand the nature of the spirit? They can be fast friends," Solas said.

"That's amazing," she said.

"Anyone who can dream has the potential. Few ever try. My friends comforted me in grief and shared my joy. Yet because they exist without form as we understand it, the Chantry declares that spirits are not truly people. Is Cassandra defined by her cheekbones and not her faith? Is Varric by his chest hair and not his wit?"

"You have an interesting way of looking at the world, Solas," Bellanaris said, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.

"I try... and that isn't quite an answer," he said lowly, his accent becoming thicker.

She stopped walking and gave a small smirk when he also stopped and looked at her curiously. "I look forward to helping you make new friends."

"That should be... well," Solas said, a smile threatening the corner of his lips.

"That isn't quite an answer either," she teased, taking a step towards him.

"Quite true," he said, taking a step towards her too.

His eyes bore into her, like they could see straight through her. In fact, she would have been sure that he could see straight through her if it wasn't for how she continued to surprise him. It was as though he constantly had the lowest possible expectations for her.

"Perhaps we should head back to camp," Solas said, stepping away from her. "I'm afraid this is the last light of the day."

Bellanaris nodded but she couldn't ignore the disappointment she felt in her chest. She also couldn't ignore what her mind had been telling her for days now. She had it bad for the elven apostate.