Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"So," Hoseok says with a positively devilish smirk. "I see you were pretty excited for our first stage."

Changkyun gulps, probably completely red from embarrassment. Hoseok has him pinned against the wall in their backstage room. At least they're not touching, because Changkyun's problem still didn't go away.

"Come on, hyung, it was hard to-"

"Oh, I know," Hoseok cuts in, his gaze moving down briefly, and Changkyun fights the urge to cover himself up.

"Hoseok," Hyunwoo says from somewhere behind Hoseok's back and Changkyun feels his heart skip hopefully at the prospect of being saved from this. "It happens, don't tease him. You acted really professional," Hyunwoo tells Changkyun from above Hoseok's shoulder. "Don't worry about it."

Changkyun nods weakly. Hoseok huffs indignantly and turns to glare at Hyunwoo, but before he can say anything, Kihyun swats his arm on his way to change.

"It happened to you, too," he says.

"And you were absolute assholes about it!" Hoseok reminds, clearly feeling wronged.

He still hasn't taken his hands off of the wall on both sides of Changkyun's head. Changkyun notices with horror that Hyungwon is watching them closely from the nearby couch. He wants to be out of here. Where is Jooheon when he's needed? On the other hand, no, Changkyun prefers being Jooheon-less, if it means Minhyuk isn't here either. It would be a nightmare, Hoseok is already too much.

"That's different," Hyungwon says and gets up.

Changkyun watches with sinking heart as the older approaches them. Hoseok gasps dramatically.

"How is it different?!"

Hyungwon shrugs and unglues one of Hoseok's hands to make them stand face to face.

"It's Changkyun," he says only, like that even explains anything.

Changkyun feels his heart skip again, only this time for slightly different reasons. Hoseok starts protesting, but Hyungwon ignores him completely in order to ruffle Changkyun's hair and get back to the couch.

Hyunwoo nods approvingly somewhere in the back and Kihyun rolls his eyes, but Changkyun barely registers that because of the touch that made the skin on his head tingle.

"You guys are no fun," Hoseok decides and stalks off, probably to bother Kihyun.

Changkyun slips out of the room and into the bathroom, trying to get as little attention as possible. He places both hands on the sink and takes a deep breath. After a few seconds, he looks down accusingly and then up, at his own reflection. His face is the color of ripe tomatoes. He runs water and splashes himself gingerly. Takes another deep breath.

Hyungwon's hand was big.

***

"Dude, I'm telling you it was nothing!" Jooheon says, exasperated.

Changkyun wants to believe him, but it's been a week and he hasn't gotten much sleep, and he's still bothered by it. Minhyuk sniggers whenever he sees him. It already resulted in a fight between Minhyuk and Jooheon, because Jooheon is overprotective of Changkyun and won't let even Minhyuk make fun of something he wouldn't want to happen to anyone. Changkyun feels responsible for that, because he doesn't mind the teasing as much as Jooheon thinks he does. It's still nice, though.

"It was all recorded," Changkyun groans.

Jooheon rolls his eyes, which isn't probably as spectacular as he would want it to be. They're on Changkyun's bed, eating every possible snack they could find in the dorm. Changkyun is trying not to think about Kihyun's revenge when he discovers they stole his cookies. Jooheon is trying not to think about dieting and just enjoy stress eating for once. It's worked pretty well so far.

The door opens. Changkyun swallows a whole piece of chocolate in surprise and almost chokes on it. Jooheon claps his back, looking innocent. Kihyun narrows his eyes.

"I saw that box," he says, but Changkyun thanks Jooheon for thinking quickly and hiding everything under a pillow anyway. "I'm gonna think of something for you to repay that."

Changkyun wipes the tears from his eyes, massaging his throat. Jooheon giggles nervously.

"No need, hyung, I'll go and buy you two of those right away!" he suggests, already getting up with a pretty fake pleasant smile.

He's gone the next second and Changkyun observes warily as Kihyun sits down on the bed and takes a piece of chocolate.

"It's completely natural," he says after a second, during which Changkyun managed to fall into a false sense of safety. "You know that, right?"

"Yeah," Changkyun mumbles.

His throat hurts when he talks. Kihyun gives him that patronizing but fond smile of his.

"You worry what the fans will think? Or what we'll think? Or what one of us will think?"

Changkyun chokes on his own saliva this time and Kihyun laughs, patiently clapping his back.

"W-What?" Changkyun gets out finally.

"You're not as hard to figure out as you think," Kihyun tells him with that smile back on his face. "I know my kids," he adds with a wink and Changkyun gapes at him, not sure, if he should cringe or maybe cry in regret for not recording the only time Kihyun admitted to being their mom.

Or maybe leave to Siberia to lead a hermit's life and never come back, because apparently someone noticed his crush on Hyungwon.

"Stop freaking out, you moron," Kihyun says.

"Why?" Changkyun asks and realizes it maybe wasn't the most important question.

He could have at least asked how. Kihyun laughs again and runs a hand through Changkyun's hair.

"The fans will laugh for a moment, appreciate your professionalism and then forget about it," he says. "We will make fun of you for some time and then move on to whatever idiotic thing Hoseok will do next," Changkyun half expects Hoseok to break down the door with a full of protest hey!. He doesn't care all that much when Kihyun drops the honorifics, but being called an idiot by him riles him up like nothing else. "And that one of us," Kihyun continues when nothing happens. "Never laughed at you in the first place."

Changkyun wonders, if Kihyun can hear how loud his heart is beating. Kihyun pats his arm and stands up, grabbing Jooheon's gummy bears.

"That's why you don't have anything to be worried about."

Changkyun nods dumbly and sits there, staring at the wall, until Jooheon comes back.

"Hey, man, you okay?" he asks, frowning.

He waves a hand in front of Changkyun's face. Changkyun flinches and clears his throat.

"Yeah, sure," he says quickly.

Jooheon doesn't really believe him, judging by the squinting of his eyes. He does that too much, considering he almost doesn't have them. But then he looks away from Changkyun's face and whines.

"Why did you let him take the gummy bears? Dude, anything but the gummy bears! And I bought him two boxes of cookies!"

Changkyun stares at him blankly. Remembers Kihyun indeed took Jooheon's gummy bears. Decides he doesn't care.

"Sorry, man," he says anyway, because it's Jooheon.

Jooheon sighs and sits heavily next to him.

"What the hell happened when I was gone?" he asks, and Changkyun thinks that maybe it's time he told someone.

Even if Kihyun noticed, telling his best friend seems like a good idea. Not just because he would feel bad, if Jooheon didn't find out from him, it'd also be nice to get a different perspective than his own and Kihyun's.

And so, he tells. He's not sure he's ever seen such a shocked expression on Jooheon's face, and he's seen a lot.

***

Hyungwon looks beautiful on a normal basis. Hell, he even looks beautiful when someone wakes him up and there is only lack of understanding of the world and bloody murder in his gaze. But that's probably because Changkyun is biased. So yeah, in his opinion Hyungwon is always beautiful, but right now, as they get ready for their stage and Hyungwon has this sparkly jacket on, hair falling softly into his eyes, he looks practically otherwordly. Like, ethereal. Changkyun could write solid twenty lines of rap about Hyungwon's eyes alone.

He catches Kihyun's knowing stare and quickly turns away, deciding to distract himself with the performance of whatever girl group has their stage before them. He's so deep in thought, he barely even registers what the girls are doing. All he has in front of his eyes at the moment are Hyungwon's lips. Which isn't the smartest choice, but not entirely up to him, either.

He jumps a mile in the air when something he recognizes as fingers slides up his side, but he doesn't have the time to turn around because there is a voice in his ear. And if his heart wasn't pounding so hard, he would think he's still only daydreaming.

"Are you frustrated?" Hyungwon asks, low and teasing.

Changkyun reminds himself to breathe, but it doesn't work out so well. He can't believe what's happening at all.

"Hyung, what are you-"

"It's not good to keep it in for too long," Hyungwon interrupts him, his hand now moving to Changkyun's chest.

Changkyun's breath hitches and he tries not to make any embarrassing sounds. Hyungwon's touch is light, barely even there, but it feels like it burns into Changkyun's skin. He wants to ask what's going on, but his voice won't come out. His stomach is swooping weirdly and he can feel Hyungwon's breath on his neck, warm and tickly, sending shivers down his spine.

"You should take care of it before you have a problem on stage again," Hyungwon says, low and smooth, and Changkyun has a pretty big problem already.

The touch disappears, but it lingers on Changkyun's body for the next three seconds before he dares to turn around. His heart wants to jump out through his throat. He swallows it down with difficulty. Hyungwon is a good few feet away, talking to a staff member, not even glancing in his direction. When it's time for them to perform and Changkyun manages to calm down, he's not sure if all of that really happened, or if it was just the result of his very creative imagination.

Turns out, it did really happen. Changkyun finds out a few days later, after he's already jerked off to the ghost feeling of Hyungwon's large hands on his body and wanted to die of shame several times. They're watching a movie in the living room, all of them. It's not that Changkyun wanted to sit next to Hyungwon, but the others didn't leave him much choice. Changkyun is pretty sure it's all because of Kihyun's evilness. Jooheon just sends him a pitiful glance.

So Changkyun ends up squished between Hyungwon and Hoseok, and he thinks it couldn't be worse. Turns out it could. And it is.

They're about halfway into the movie and Changkyun has yet again fallen into that false sense of safety his hyungs always lure him into before becoming absolute dicks.

Speaking of dicks, Hyungwon's hand lands very near Changkyun's at some point. Changkyun instantly goes very, very still. He chances a glance, but Hyungwon's face is as bored as ever while his fingers draw little circles on Changkyun's thigh. Changkyun gulps and turns back to the TV. He suddenly has no idea what they're even watching. He catches Hoseok's curious gaze, but tries to play it cool. It's fine, he can totally not get hard. Hyungwon's hand goes lower and Changkyun jumps, choking on his spit again. Hoseok claps his back, lips twisted into a smirk, and Changkyun wants to die. He's really close, too. Dying of mortification slash choking would be suitable for him. Hyungwon's fingers move away from his legs and Changkyun sighs in relief.
He doesn't wait for the movie to end before escaping to the bathroom, though. He's somewhere between contemplating jerking off and already running the cold water when he hears knocking.

"You okay there?" Hyunwoo asks.

Changkyun briefly panics and manages to flood half of the bathroom.

"Yeah, hyung!" he calls back. "Just wanted to shower first. I already saw that movie anyway!"

"If you say so," Hyunwoo agrees.

He doesn't sound very convinced, but Changkyun hears steps. He decides to deal with it with cold water after all. It's only when he gets back to the room that he realizes it wasn't the best idea.

"He's playing with you," Hoseok says from Changkyun's bed, smirking.

Changkyun feels like he just walked into a trap. Impending doom clamps his throat.

"Um," he tries intelligently.

Hoseok gets up and approaches him slowly, and Changkyun feels like a rodent looking into the eyes of a panther.

"You're too fun to tease, you know," Hoseok informs him. "You have to change that, if you want him to take you seriously."

Changkyun is sure he's going to have a stroke one of these days. He giggles nervously.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he mumbles.

Hoseok rolls his eyes.

"Just like none of us has any idea what's going on with you. Well, Hyunwoo is the only one who knows something's wrong but doesn't necessarily know what."

Changkyun feels about ready to pass out.

"So that means," he says weakly. "That everyone knows?"

Hoseok smiles, all teeth, and puts a hand on his shoulder.

"Yes," he says with a solemn nod.

Changkyun thinks he should probably sit down. Or move. To another dimention.

"Maybe I could sign up for an expedition to Mars?" he wonders aloud.

Hoseok laughs and leaves him to suffer alone.

***

It doesn't stop. Not that Changkyun wants it to. He's not really sure what he wants, but all this teasing is simultaneously heaven and torture. Hyungwon never shows he's affected in any way, he just goes back to talking to Changkyun like they used to. Which leaves Changkyun seriously frustrated and feeling a bit pathetic. It's not that Hyungwon does a lot. It's just brief touches, long fingers locking around his hips, sliding down to his ass, scratching gently along his nape. Sometimes, a few words that have the power to turn Changkyun on in a matter of seconds.
He's careful during performances, tries to focus on dancing and rapping, and really ugly things in between that.

Kihyun is exasperated, but it's not like he can say anything except for what he already has. Jooheon is concerned. So is Hyunwoo, but they both leave Changkyun alone after a few failed attempts to fix what's troubling him. Minhyuk and Hoseok are the worst and Changkyun avoids them whenever he can.

And then, after about two weeks of this hell that Changkyun doesn't feel brave enough to brake out of, something changes.

For a moment, Changkyun forgets about Hyungwon that is clearly aware of his infatuation and uses that knowledge to be an asshole. That's because they meet Gunhee. And it's fine. Jooheon is excited because they haven't seen each other in a while. It's been two years, so Gunhee is completely over whatever happened during that disastrous show. Everyone is completely over it. Except Changkyun.

He's not necessarily hung up on it. It just comes back to haunt him sometimes. And seeing the guy he felt so guilty about happens to be one of these times. It's fine, though. He makes a fool of himself like he always does, and Gunhee even hugs him when they have to go back.

Changkyun is absolutely okay except for that part where he's not.

Others notice, because they've spent two whole years with him. They know him so well that sometimes it's scary. They don't say anything.

Changkyun doesn't hold it against them, because they don't have the duty to baby him, and he doesn't want to feel so pathetic again. It's just kind of hard to remember he's not the only best friend Jooheon has. He tries to keep himself together and it works for the most part. Then, he feels the weight of an arm around his shoulders and he has to excuse himself before even glancing up at Hyungwon.

Washing his face helps. Generally water helps him a lot these days. It's pretty fascinating, now that he thinks about it.

"You know you're the only one who hasn't forgiven you, right?" Hyungwon drawls from behind him and Changkyun doesn't want to look up. "Not that there is anything to forgive."

Changkyun knows that. He didn't do anything wrong. The awful feeling won't disappear from his stomach, though.

"Hey," Hyungwon calls, and he's a lot closer now. "Look at me."

Changkyun does. There is no pity on Hyungwon's face like he feared. His eyebrows are creased in mild annoyance and his gaze is strong. Challenging. As if he wants to tell Changkyun to try and disagree with him. Changkyun won't do that. He takes a deep breath and it's better.

"Okay," he says.

His voice is quiet, but doesn't waver. Hyungwon smiles and ruffles his hair, leaving him to calm down on his own.

His hand is still big.

***

Changkyun would maybe be able to somehow let it go even with all the teasing, but after that incident, Hyungwon is literally everywhere. And it's not about harassing Changkyun for the fun of it anymore.

Hyungwon falls asleep on his shoulder or in his lap, plays with his hair whenever he wants to, sits next to him in the car, comes over whenever Changkyun decides to read or do something on his own. And for some reason, that irritates him more than the teasing.

"Hyung," he mutters one day when Hyungwon is almost sleeping on his stomach while he tries to finally pass this goddamn stage of Diamond Rush. "Are you babying me?"

"No," Hyungwon mumbles. "Why would I do that? It's too much hustle."

Changkyun feels even more irked.

"Then what exactly are you doing?"

"You let me do all those things before, but now you're irritated?" Hyungwon asks, sitting up with a slight grimace and a yawn.

He looks beautiful even when he yawns. Changkyun has to do something about his dumb crush.

"Because that was," he pauses abruptly and feels himself turn red. "Embarrassing," he mutters finally. "And I know you were just having fun because I didn't say anything, but right now I have no idea what you're doing."

Hyungwon frowns.

"I was having fun because of your reactions," he corrects. Suddenly, it seems like a Very Serious Conversation™. The kind Changkyun wanted to avoid. He puts away his phone. "If you seriously hated it, you would have told me, right?"

Changkyun gulps to give himself time to find a suitable answer. He probably wouldn't have.

"Yeah," he says, too slow.

Hyungwon straightens and his jaw sets. He's angry.

"You're lying."

What was it about how scary it is that his team members know him so well?

"Did you hate it?" Hyungwon asks sharply.

Changkyun doesn't have much choice but to get it over with.

"Yes," he says. Hyungwon opens his mouth and there is something in his expression Changkyun has never seen before. It makes his insides clench painfully. "But it's not what you think!" he adds quickly.

Hyungwon slowly moves away from him.

"Are you an idiot? Why didn't you say anything!"

He's scared. Changkyun wants to get closer, but he doesn't dare.

"No, wait," he says, rushed. "I did hate it, but not because of what it was- I mean, yeah, because of what it was, but not what you think!"

Hyungwon arches an eyebrow.

"I have no idea what you're saying," he deadpans.

Changkyun huffs, running a hand through his hair.

"What you were doing, it would be fine, if I was just frustrated," he manages without his throat closing up. His heart is pounding again.

"Then what were you?" Hyungwon asks.

He's calmer now. Changkyun sags in relief.

"I kinda," he doesn't know how to say it. It's terrifying. He was sure Hyungwon has been aware of his feelings from the beginning. Maybe he should kill Hoseok to avoid such humiliation and stress in the future. "I wanted you to do more."

Hyungwon's eyes widen. Changkyun's heart sinks.

"But you weren't frustrated...?" Hyungwon says slowly, trying to make some sense out of this, and Changkyun wants to hide under his bed and never come out.

Instead, he's going to have to explain himself, because Hyungwon still doesn't get it.

"It's, uh," he scratches his neck awkwardly. He feels too hot. "It's more than that."

He couldn't say anything more, even if he tried really hard. God, what is he even doing, he's supposed to be that one weird, awkward guy that makes up for his fuckups with talent. He shouldn't be having a conversation about definitely not suitable for this kind of life feelings right now.

"I wasn't babying you," Hyungwon says suddenly. Changkyun can't read him right now. "You just seemed like you needed some company. It pisses me off that you still think about that stupid show. I remember what a dick I was to you back then."

And that's worse than just thinking about it, because now Changkyun feels even more guilty.

"And I've made you uncomfortable now because it seemed harmless."

Changkyun shakes his head so fast, he's a bit worried he might snap something.

"It's fine, I wasn't," he's lacking words.

Why is he a rapper again?

Hyungwon cocks his head to the side, waiting. Changkyun tries not to kill himself with his own spit like he almost did several times already since all this mess started.

"I was more frustrated than uncomfortable," he says finally.

Hyungwon considers him for a moment longer.

"But, more than that?" he adds carefully.

Changkyun nods for the lack of a better reaction. He can't look at Hyungwon's face right now. He catches Hyungwon shift on the bed in the corner of his eye. It's okay, they can leave it at that. It's totally cool, Hyungwon will go and Changkyun won't cry, and they'll go back to the way it was. They can-

Long fingers close around his chin and pull it up in one, sure motion.

"I can do more," Hyungwon says, an attractive smirk stretching his lips, and Changkyun is pretty sure he managed to die sometime during this conversation, because this must be the so-called heaven.

It's a brief and only thought before Hyungwon's lips crush into his, because then Changkyun's brain probably fries. He's frozen solid for a few good seconds. Hyungwon grins into his mouth and bites his lip to make him open it. Changkyun gasps, but then Hyungwon's tongue slips inside and he's too dizzy to care. Hyungwon pulls away and Changkyun follows him blindly, but there is a large hand splayed on his chest, keeping him in place. He opens his eyes and Hyungwon's face is still very close to his own.

Hyungwon glances down and Changkyun realizes he can feel his mad heartbeat now. For a second, they're just breathing against each other's lips. Changkyun is afraid once he does anything, it's all going to be over.

Hyungwon slowly pushes him down on the bed and Changkyun's ears are buzzing. The room is really humid all of a sudden, it's hard to breathe. Hyungwon's eyes are huge. They're sparkling.
Changkyun lets him kiss his jaw and then neck, slip fingers under his shirt. His head is spinning and he doesn't believe it's the reality, but definitely isn't complaining. He lets out a surprised groan when Hyungwon sucks on his skin and immediately covers his mouth with a hand. He feels awkward again. Well, awkward and insanely turned on.

Hyungwon looks up at him and rolls his eyes. And then he grabs Changkyun's hand and takes two of his fingers into his mouth.

"Oh my god," Changkyun squeaks.

Hyungwon smirks around the digits and lets them slip out, going back to nibbling on Changkyun's collar bones. Changkyun might be losing his mind.

Hyungwon moves his shirt up and sucks on his nipples, and Changkyun groans again, this time not daring to muffle himself.

Hyungwon smiles against his skin.

"Good boy," he murmurs and Changkyun is ready to die.

Again.

Hyungwon looks really sensual as he moves even lower and unzips Changkyun's pants.

"Oh shit," rips out of Changkyun's throat.

Hyungwon chuckles. And tugs away his underwear to swallow him down.

Changkyun knows he shouldn't be seeing stars yet. He knows, but it doesn't matter. Hyungwon's hands hold his hips in place, so the only way to react is through sounds. He doesn't mind them anymore and Hyungwon seems to like them, too.

Hyungwon's mouth is the most perfect thing that's ever happened to him. He's definitely losing his mind because of all the heat and softness and tongue. Hyungwon's tongue should be illegal, seriously.

"Hyung," Changkyun rasps when he feels the familiar swoop in his gut.

Hyungwon hums, which feels like Changkyun was just electrocuted, and doesn't let go. Changkyun notices one of his hands is tangled in Hyungwon's hair and he doesn't know when that happened.

"Hyung, I'm gonna-"

Hyungwon hollows his cheeks and Changkyun comes so hard he almost blacks out. When he has enough mind to realize the heavy breathing he can hear is his own, he opens his eyes to Hyungwon kissing his stomach.

"Oh my god," Changkyun says.

His voice is wrecked. Hyungwon hums. He looks smug.

"How was that for more?" he asks.

He also sounds raspy. Changkyun wants to return the favor just so he can hear him.

"Oh my god," he repeats intelligently.

Hyungwon smirks again, pats his stomach and sits up. Changkyun kind of just grabs his hand before he can stand up. Hyungwon raises an eyebrow. Changkyun pulls him down and flips them over so that he's straddling Hyungwon's hips.

"I don't think I can do the same," he says, clearing his throat.

Hyungwon is already smirking again. Changkyun swats his arm and rolls his eyes, leaning down to bite his jaw. Hyungwon hisses and then laughs, and then groans when Changkyun cups him through the material of his pants.

"You're so weird, seriously," he pants, but there is this look in his eyes that tells Changkyun it's not meant to be mean.

That he's a good kind of weird.

It takes a while and a bit of nervousness to pop the button of Hyungwon's pants open, but Changkyun does it and he's pretty proud of himself. Especially when he notices how hard Hyungwon is.

His ears are buzzing again. Hyungwon is watching him, shameless and beautiful, his shirt bunched up to reveal the flat plane of his stomach. He licks his lips and Changkyun helplessly mimicks the movement. He fists Hyungwon's cock to finally jerk him off.

It feels strange, but at the same time it's something Changkyun has plenty experience in. Hyungwon doesn't bother to muffle his groans and he sounds amazing. Changkyun could listen to him like this forever. He stares, but he's only half aware of it, until Hyungwon pulls him down to suck on his neck. It's a slightly awkward angle, but Changkyun manages to hold himself up and he still can't believe this is happening.

Hyungwon knows how to enjoy himself and how to signal what he likes. Changkyun moves up to get some air and maybe relieve the hand that's supporting his weight a bit, but leans right back in to leave wet, open-mouthed kisses all over Hyungwon's collar bones. Large hands tighten in his hair and it feels pretty nice, even though it's maybe a bit too tight.

"Changkyun," Hyungwon croaks. Changkyun speeds up the pace. "Kyun, gonna come, just-"

Changkyun presses his thumb into the slit of Hyungwon's cock and he comes just like that, and Changkyun is in awe. So they're both into a sort of a daze a minute later. Unsurprisingly, Hyungwon gets over it first and laughs at him.

"So, more?" he asks, the smile softening just a bit.

Changkyun nods dumbly.

"More," he agrees.

Hyungwon ruffles his hair.

"Okay then," he mumbles. He looks content as he stretches. Changkyun stares again. "Let's leave it at more for now. Which means you won't have to be frustrated enough to have any problems during performances," he winks.

Changkyun's face heats up in three seconds flat.

"Shut up," he mumbles begrudgingly.

"Don't worry, it was pretty hot," Hyungwon throws casually. "I'm gonna go sleep now. Don't overthink stuff, alright?"

Changkyun wants to answer but his fried brain is stuck for too long on the fact that Hyungwon thought he was hot and when he finally snaps out of it, the older is gone. Changkyun realizes Hyungwon must generally think he's at least a little bit hot, if he didn't have a problem with blowing him. He's not sure how his brain works. Maybe it doesn't.

He sits up abruptly. Hyungwon just blew him.

"Oh my god," Changkyun says, probably for the nth time this evening.

He barely registers Jooheon screaming in horror after coming into the room.

Chapter Text

"Hyung," Changkyun says contemplatively when they're watching some dumb show on Hyungwon's bed.

Hyungwon hums lowly to let him know he's listening, not moving an inch from his place on Changkyun's chest. He's a bit like a cat, Changkyun has noticed. Likes to cuddle, but gets annoyed very quickly, too. Changkyun doesn't mind, he usually just escapes as soon as he realizes Hyungwon is in a foul mood. Not that Hyungwon is particularly mean to him, he focuses mostly on Hoseok and Kihyun until Hyunwoo has to split them up and tell them to go to their rooms.

It's been almost a month since Hyungwon decided that more is just fine with him, and so far, they've left it at that. It makes Changkyun anxious, just a little bit, but arguably, it's also been the best month of his life, so he doesn't complain. Jooheon is still holding a grudge for that one time he walked in on them when Changkyun was trying his best to efficiently suck Hyungwon off.
Changkyun doesn't really care what they're watching and thanks to that, he's had a chance to stare at Hyungwon since they started. He's carding fingers through Hyungwon's hair delicately; Hyungwon's almost purring, long eyelashes fanning over his cheeks.

"You're really pretty," Changkyun tells him.

He's not sure if that was what he wanted to say, but he doesn't remember now.

Hyungwon snorts and props himself up on his elbows to look at him. There is a lazy smile on his face and Changkyun's stomach clenches. Hyungwon slowly pushes the laptop away and closes the lid, crawling up so that they end up face to face. Changkyun still can't get used to being so close to him.

"Tell me something I don't know," Hyungwon mumbles teasingly against his lips.

"Dogs have cleaner tongues than humans," Changkyun blurts out.

Hyungwon pauses and blinks at him, stunned.

"What?"

Changkyun panics even more.

"You told me to tell you something you don't know and I assumed this could be something you don't know, I don't want to say that you're stupid or anything, so if you knew that, then sorry, but it's not something majority of people knows, so that was just the first thing that came to my mind-"

Hyungwon blocks his mouth with a hand, but he's fighting a grin, so Changkyun calms down a bit.

"You're lucky you're cute," Hyungwon snorts again, turning back to retrieve the laptop.

Changkyun wants to massage his chest in an attempt to slow his heart, but Hyungwon's head is successfully blocking the access, so he settles for a weird sound and scratching his neck.

"You think I'm cute?" he asks quietly, in hopes that maybe Hyungwon won't hear him.

Hyungwon laughs and discards the device again, jumping up to kiss him without weird interruptions this time. At first, it's difficult because Hyungwon is still grinning, but quickly what was supposed to be innocent and silly changes into something bordering on aggression. Changkyun is able to think just enough to count how many days they haven't done anything because of their busy schedule. Seven, maybe eight. He's not sure, if he should be counting those quick handjobs in the bathroom of Music Bank. He's not surprised at all that Hyungwon pins him to the bed in the next two seconds. Not surprised, but still unused to it, even though they've done a lot of stuff during that month.

Hyungwon does that thing with his tongue that makes Changkyun's knees weak, and he spares a second to be glad he's already lying.

"Changkyun," Hyungwon murmurs somewhere in between kisses and bites.

"Mhh," Changkyun replies intelligently, too focused on Hyungwon's long fingers on his crotch to pay attention to much else.

"What if I told you you could-"

The door opens.

"Hey, guys, dinner's- OH MY FUCKING GOD!"

"Language," Hyunwoo admonishes gently from what sounds like the living room.

A very flustered and pissed off Jooheon, who is currently covering his eyes, doesn't seem to care.

"Not this again, I'm not doing this ever again! Hyung!"

"You're such a baby, seriously," Kihyun says in exasperation from the kitchen.

Jooheon gasps dramatically. Hyungwon groans and thumps his head against Changkyun's chest. Changkyun just kind of still lies there.

"It's been at least four times now!" Jooheon yells, exiting the room to argue with Kihyun. "You walk in on them four times and we'll see who's a baby!"

The door closes gently behind him.

"So," Changkyun says, clearing his throat.

He's still half hard.

"How about this," Hyungwon says, sitting up to run a hand through his hair. His lips look positively ravished. Changkyun stares. "We'll go eat dinner and then I'll bribe Minhyuk to help us murder the rest."

Changkyun sits up too. He frowns.

"But we'll murder him after that too, right?"

"Well," Hyungwon says. "We can try. If it doesn't work out, we'll just send him very far away."

Changkyun grins and gets off the bed, reaching out a hand to help Hyungwon up.

"Deal."

***

It's another stage after which Hyungwon drags Changkyun to the bathroom to go down on him and watch him try to muffle his own noises. He's evil like that and Changkyun feels like he's dying. And while it might not be the most dignified death, he thinks it'd be the best kind he could imagine.

Someone comes in and they both freeze. Not for long, though, because Hyungwon looks up at him with something that causes shiver of imminent danger travel up Changkyun's spine. And then he bobs his head, slowly at first, but Changkyun panics anyway, biting on his own fingers to shut himself up. His ears are trained on the sounds of peeing, flushing the toilet and water running from the tap, but also on the tiny, slurping ones Hyungwon is making right now. His heart is thumping so loudly, he fears whoever is inside will hear it and they'll be exposed. Adrenaline is coursing through his veins, making him tense and turning him on even more.

The door closes and it's quiet. Changkyun slumps against the door. Hyungwon smirks up at him and swallows around him, his pace a lot faster, and Changkyun has to bite his hand again.
It's not long after that when he comes down Hyungwon's throat, breathing heavily and trying to calm down. He got worked up on the stage again, but it wasn't like the last time, he was able to control it pretty nicely. Until Hyungwon smirked at him seductively when it was almost over and Changkyun had to do something about his problem again. The thing is, after a month, he still can't bring himself to ask, leaving Hyungwon to take initiative, so he had been suffering until Hyungwon decided he'd tortured him enough and pulled him in here.

Changkyun doesn't have an exhibitionist kink, or at least he has thought until now that he doesn't. He just can't help but let Hyungwon do whatever he wants with him, so he's kind of sentenced himself to endless teasing. Hyungwon loves to harass him and test his limits, and he's known that for a long time, so it's his own fault, really. He can tell Hyungwon is waiting for him to snap, to get frustrated to the point of taking control, but it's probably going to take more than this. Changkyun doesn't want just sex. He wants Hyungwon to put his arm only around his shoulders, not everyone's, as is his habit. He wants late night talks and more of that fond smile Hyungwon sends him on rare occasions, which Changkyun never seems to grasp fully, noticing it when it's already disappearing. He wants Hyungwon to see him as a partner, not just a younger guy, who happens to be his teammate, that he can fuck.

He's not sure how to get that, though, so for now, he's left at Hyungwon's mercy.

This time, they get scolded. By Hyunwoo, who looks physically pained having to get all serious and disappointed. Hyungwon, in turn, looks physically pained having to listen to it.

"No public or semipublic places, got it," he says finally. "That it? I'd like to go take a nap now, thanks."

Hyunwoo turns to Changkyun with a rather helpless expression which immediately makes Changkyun feel bad.

"We'll be careful, hyung," he promises. "Sorry."

He knows it's the matter of all of their reputation, career, life. It's just hard to remember that when Hyungwon is whispering filth into his ear.

"I trust you, Changkyun-ah," Hyunwoo says. "Just think before doing anything, okay?"

Changkyun nods, ashamed, and wanders off to the kitchen just to be snatched by Jooheon to play some video games. Which means he either isn't pissed about walking in on them anymore, or just decided to forget about being pissed to comfort Changkyun. Either way, Changkyun accepts it without complaint.

***

"Hey," Hyungwon says when they break apart after a heated kiss.

Changkyun needs a good few seconds to focus on his words.

"What if I wanted you to fuck me?" Hyungwon asks.

"What?!" Changkyun yells in shock, jumping up on the bed and hitting his head on the upper bunk in the process.

The next few minutes are just a blurred chaos. Hyungwon alternates between laughing at his misery and massaging the sore spot. Changkyun just tries not to cry from pain, rolling around on the bed. He sits up finally, letting Hyungwon inspect his head all he wants.

"Seriously?" he asks carefully.

Hyungwon shrugs.

"Sure. We haven't done that yet."

"Yeah," Changkyun mumbles, stunned.

They haven't. They look at each other for a moment, as if trying to gauge the other's reaction to what hasn't been said. Changkyun gets a weird urge to just spill what he's wanted to for a long time and he doesn't manage to turn on his brain to mouth filter on time.

"I like you, hyung."

Hyungwon sits there for a second, just looking at him with an unreadable expression, while Changkyun comes up with three plans of changing his identity and leaving to Alaska or some other very far away place where no one will know him.

"Tell me something I don't know," Hyungwon says finally.

Changkyun blinks at him, momentarily hurt, but then he just opens his mouth and goes with it.

"There is only one species considered immortal on Earth, a jellyfish that can just keep existing, if it's not threatened, and clone itself in case it gets sick or hurt."

Hyungwon gives him that smile he loves and leans in to leave a sweet, chaste kiss on his mouth.

"I'll get you some ice," he says softly.

Changkyun stays alone on the bed, dumbfounded, lips and the top of his head tingling.

***

"You're nervous," Hyungwon observes casually.

No shit, Changkyun wants to say, currently seated between Hyungwon's legs, but words don't seem to work right now. Hyungwon squeezes his sides with his thighs playfully and sits up to cup his face in his large hands.

"Relax," he murmurs and bites Changkyun's nose lightly. "We can stop, if you don't feel like it."

Changkyun's stomach lurches, both from the nerves and the fear that Hyungwon won't give him a second chance.

"No!" he says too quickly. "I'll uh, I'll be fine, I'm just-"

"Nervous as fuck," Hyungwon sighs.

That's it, Changkyun thinks, as a cold hole opens in his chest. He sucks.

Hyungwon considers him for a second and then presses his cheeks together forcefully. Changkyun blinks at him in surprise.

"You think too much," Hyungwon informs him with a grin and kisses his ridiculously pursed lips. "You need to stop."

It's less terrifying when they're on the same level. Changkyun sags a bit against him and Hyungwon lets go of his face in order to grab his hair and kiss him properly. It's nice kissing Hyungwon. Familiar. Not terrifying.

There is prickling under his skin by the time Hyungwon pulls away and his stomach is fluttering like a wild herd of butterflies just turned into pterodactyls and decided to free themselves from there. Changkyun stares, a bit dazed, and slides his fingers up along Hyungwon's hips and then abdomen, lifting his shirt on the way. He loves when Hyungwon dresses himself in oversized clothing.

Hyungwon doesn't say anything for now and just lets him take it off. He doesn't lie back down, as if he knows that would stress Changkyun out again. It's weird how slow and careful everything is, when usually it's all biting and pulling just to get more, to taste more, to feel more. Changkyun lets his hands wander on Hyungwon's torso, as he gently nibbles on his neck. Hyungwon's breath hitches and Changkyun feels something burning coil in his gut. That small reaction is enough to make him bolder and he bites down near Hyungwon's collarbone. Hyungwon gasps, hand tight in Changkyun's hair. Changkyun knows Hyungwon's getting impatient, but he doesn't speed up, hands now firmly planted on Hyungwon's hips. He really likes these hips. They're narrow and boney and fascinating.

"Kyun-ah," Hyungwon says, but it's more air than sound. "Drawer."

Changkyun's spine tingles. He leaves Hyungwon's throat alone to reach obediently to the nightstand and get lube and a condom.

"Are you really okay with this?" Changkyun asks, staring right into Hyungwon's half-lidded eyes.

Hyungwon pinches his arm and Changkyun yelps, but then Hyungwon cuts him off with another melting kiss and he doesn't remember to be indignant when Hyungwon lets himself be pushed onto the bed easily. His hand is firm, insistent on the back of Changkyun's neck, long fingers stroking the fine hairs there and Changkyun can't do anything but go along with him. It feels like a compelling power is dragging him down into the abyss, like he's falling, and it's too good for him to pull back up, even though it can be dangerous.

He squeezes Hyungwon's hips and the older gasps, breaking the kiss. Changkyun uses the opportunity to mouth along his jaw. It's different than what they usually do, it's slow and quiet, and Hyungwon watches him closely, small sounds leaving his throat. Changkyun is still just a bit nervous, but he's also too horny for that to ruin everything. Hyungwon isn't completely passive, showing him perfectly well where he wants to be touched, so that helps too, but Changkyun feels absolutely at ease only when he notices Hyungwon is getting impatient and really turned on just because Changkyun doesn't go along with everything he does.

"Changkyun," Hyungwon growls when he pulls on Changkyun's hair to kiss him, but Changkyun groans and bites his collarbone instead.

"Hyung," Changkyun mocks, reaching finally to unzip Hyungwon's pants and curl his fingers around Hyungwon's cock.

Hyungwon's breath catches in his throat and then he hisses. Changkyun lets go to coat his hand in lube before going back to stroke him slowly.

"Kyun," Hyungwon warns again, but it's ruined by the way Changkyun's name is drawn into a low moan.

Changkyun leans over him to bite his ear and suck it into his mouth.

"You don't want me to get nervous again, do you, hyung?" he mutters, letting his voice drop and Hyungwon's hips buck up, shiver running along his skin, and Changkyun suddenly realizes he can do this.

"Don't get cocky, brat," Hyungwon pants, but he's rocking in Changkyun's grip all the same.

Changkyun leaves him hanging just for a moment to get more lube on his fingers and actually get this going, and he gets a whine and a fingernail mark on his arm for his efforts.

"Sorry, hyung, I might not get another chance to be cocky for a while, I'm trying to savor it," he grunts into Hyungwon's chest and sucks on a nipple.

Hyungwon's back arches and Changkyun can see him leaking on his stomach.

"You- damn-" Hyungwon starts, but Changkyun never finds out what damn he is because as soon as he presses a finger inside Hyungwon, voice seems to fail the older.

He's never done that before. He watched Hyungwon do it, sure, but it's entirely different when he can feel him clenching around his digits. He's still going slow, drawing it out, only two fingers in, and Hyungwon thrashes against him, making do somehow with clawing at Changkyun's shoulders and biting his neck, hard. Changkyun sucks in a breath, but even though it's painful, it turns him on, too.

"Come on," Hyungwon whines finally, searching for friction against Changkyun's abdomen, desperate, when Changkyun doesn't add another finger and doesn't touch him otherwise either.
Changkyun chuckles low in his throat, although he's also painfully hard and haven't even unzipped his jeans yet. He moves down and nips on Hyungwon's hips. Blood rushes through his head suddenly as he imagines bruising the bones with his grip later, when he's already inside Hyungwon, and there is insistent buzzing under his skin, making him just a little bit sloppier, just a little bit hasty. His mouth never leaves Hyungwon's skin, kissing and licking, and biting, and sucking, but he doesn't move near Hyungwon's cock, not when the older is rocking on three of his fingers, not when he right out whimpers for Changkyun to just touch him finally, goddamn it.

"Wait," Hyungwon breathes suddenly, his nails now wrecking Changkyun's back. "Wait- just, hold on."

Changkyun stops moving completely, ears thrumming, cock throbbing, breath staggering. He looks up at Hyungwon, trepidation mixing with anticipation in his stomach. Hyungwon looks so fucking hot, flushed, covered in teeth marks, eyes hooded and glittering.

"Just, come here," he mutters, motioning for Changkyun to move up so that they can kiss and Changkyun notices how hazy everything's been for the past few minutes.

Hyungwon's mouth helps to ground him, makes him exhale, and he's dizzy by the time Hyungwon lets him go, but it's so much better and Changkyun curls his fingers experimentally. Hyungwon throws his head back, crying out, and Changkyun just goes back to stretching him in earnest, his head a bit clearer.

"Enough," Hyungwon grits out after a while and Changkyun doesn't ask this time.

He removes his fingers and grabs the bottle of lube, finally, finally unzipping his pants, and it takes all of his willpower not to start stroking himself once he rolls down the condom and fists his cock to slick it up. Hyungwon watches him from under his lashes, lean body sliding across the sheets impatiently. His hands are twisted in the bedspread underneath him, trying not to touch himself while waiting for Changkyun. Changkyun trails the sweat shining on his forehead with his gaze for a second, registers how Hyungwon's hair sticks to it, wet; slips his eyes down to Hyungwon's lips, red and swollen, and lower, to the way his Adam's apple bobs quickly, glistening in the dim light of their night lamp.

Hyungwon smirks and Changkyun lets him loop arms around his neck and pull him in and it could get awkward, but it doesn't, and a few seconds later Changkyun spares a moment to feel overwhelmed at the way Hyungwon is hot and pulsating around him.

"You good?" Hyungwon grunts, pecking his cheek gently.

"Yeah," Changkyun breathes. "You?"

"Woulda been better, if you started moving already," Hyungwon grins at him, cheeky and so damn sexy.

And Changkyun does move, slowly, pulls out almost entirely just to thrust in at the same agonizing pace and Hyungwon's grip on his neck gets dangerously tight, and that's the moment Changkyun realizes he's fine with that. Next time, he tells himself absently. It's seriously so difficult to even keep a pace at all. He expected fucking someone would be complex, but he has never imagined how torn he could be between wanting to lose himself to the perfect heat and being considerate of the person he's actually fucking.

"Kyun," Hyungwon pleads and Changkyun finally listens.

He speeds up, hands firm around Hyungwon's hips, but the grip not hard enough to prevent Hyungwon from meeting his thrusts. It's too much and not enough all at once, and Changkyun wants more, wants Hyungwon's pale skin wearing his mark on it forever, wants their bodies to melt together, wants to be able to smell like Hyungwon for weeks. His skin feels too small for his body and he has the urge to claw at it, Hyungwon's rich, deep moans resonating inside his skull, and he loses himself just a bit, and Hyungwon's mouth on his puts him together once again, teeth sharp on his lip, the sting welcome.

"Come on, do it properly," Hyungwon pants into his ear and Changkyun feels goosebumps all over.

He obeys, Hyungwon's ankles digging into the small of his back. Something in his angle must change because the next time he moves, Hyungwon's back arches off the bed and he lets out the best sound Changkyun has heard in his life. He could probably die satisfied now. Hyungwon's big hands tighten on his shoulders and Changkyun doesn't stop, doesn't even pause for breath, until he can feel the familiar pressure in his stomach. Hyungwon never bothered to keep down his voice, but he's so loud now, Changkyun is really damn glad they're the only ones in the dorm.

"Hyung," he pants.

"'S good," Hyungwon breathes. "I'm close, too."

Changkyun grabs his cock in response, pumping him quickly. Hyungwon loses any rythm they both somehow set up, loose curses and Changkyun's name falling from his lips. His fingers are now tangled in Changkyun's hair, tugging painfully, as he chases his release with complete abandon. He pulls and Changkyun goes with him. Hyungwon bites into his neck and that's it, everything goes white for a second or two or million, and Changkyun blinks down at Hyungwon's blissed out face and doesn't really know what happened. Hyungwon grins at him lazily.

"Don't think you're so awesome, you came first," he drawls, but looks satisfied with the world, so Changkyun doesn't mind at all.

He tries to stand up and locate the trash to throw out the condom and that's a big task in itself anyway. He doesn't have the strength to think of a witty comeback. He goes back to the bed on weak legs and falls face first onto the mattress next to Hyungwon.

"You okay?" Hyungwon asks, fingers sliding idly across Changkyun's back.

It tickles.

"Okay?" Changkyun groans. "More like amazing."

"Yeah, it was pretty good."

Changkyun raises himself on his elbows.

"Just pretty good?"

Hyungwon hums and stretches and Changkyun is momentarily distracted by the way his muscles move.

"Fine, it was more than pretty good, I'd let you do it again," he admits shamelessly.

"Would?" Changkyun prompts hopefully.

Hyungwon cocks an eyebrow at him and huffs a laugh, seeing his face.

"Honestly, you're such a brat. I will let you do it again. Sometime. In the indeterminate future."

Changkyun fist bumps the pillow with a quiet yes.

"You were awesome, hyung," he says, lying back down so that Hyungwon can continue drawing strange patterns on his back.

"Tell me something I don't know," Hyungwon sing-songs.

Changkyun hums. He feels so damn good right now.

"You know how everyone has unique fingerprints, right? It's the same with our tongues."

Hyungwon makes a small noise of surprise, but doesn't say anything, and Changkyun finds himself drifting off. He has no idea when the rest comes back from bowling, but he can hear them in the living room then Hyungwon wakes him up to make him shower.

***

Changkyun can't really breathe and he's never been so turned on in his life. Hyungwon bites his jaw, his ear, and tells him what a good boy he is, and Changkyun's gone. When he opens his eyes, Hyungwon is still moving inside him and Changkyun does everything in his jelly limbs' power to help him come. It doesn't take all that long and then they're calming their breaths, lying right next to each other, head by head. Hyungwon rolls over to pin him to the bed with his body and Changkyun grunts.

"You okay?" Hyungwon asks, brushing the hair out of Changkyun's eyes.

Changkyun nods.

"You're really good at that," he manages.

He sounds awfully hoarse.

"Tell me something I don't know," Hyungwon mumbles into his skin, lips leaving butterfly kisses on his neck, where his fingers were just a moment ago.

Changkyun knows perfectly well how it goes now. He ignores how his heart aches because of that small display of affection. He also ignores how much he would want Hyungwon to do it all the time.

"Nail polish was invented in China about three thousand years BC and it was used mainly by nobility, that's why it came generally in three colors, golden, silver and red, because those were the colors of the king."

Hyungwon hums, drawing random patterns on Changkyun's stomach with his fingertips. It tickles. It always does, and Changkyun loves it. Hyungwon looks up at him with something Changkyun can't understand at all.

"You got something else?" he asks.

Changkyun tells him that there is more than a million ants per one human on the planet.

Hyungwon raises his eyebrows in surprise.

"That many? Wow."

"Yeah."

They lay in silence for a while, calming their breaths.

"Want me to tell you something you don't know?" Hyungwon asks all of a sudden, stretching languidly to finally sit up.

It sounds a bit scary, but Changkyun turns to see him better either way.

"Yeah?" he says unsurely.

Hyungwon looks at him, running a hand through his hair slowly. His eyes are sparkling and his lips are forming this knowing smirk that usually gets Changkyun in trouble, but there is also something surprisingly fond in his expression.

"I like you," he whispers theatrically.

Changkyun's brain kind of shuts down. He lies there, sweat still drying on his body, and stares at Hyungwon stupidly.

"I... didn't know that," he says finally.

His voice sounds very weak.

Hyungwon snorts in amusement and licks his lips.

"You're lucky you're cute, you know."

Changkyun blinks, stunned.

"Oh my god."