Chapter Text
To say that Seoul is a fast-paced city would be an understatement. People here are constantly in a rush, chasing something and working tirelessly to prove themselves. This busy city lures you in with its beauty and vibrancy, only to leave you feeling torn and exhausted as the perfect fantasy fails to match the reality it is built on.
Till believed he had figured Seoul out pretty quickly. When his parents got him his first big role after a number of successful commercials, they decided to move to the capital. Even as a nine-year-old, he knew that everyone here shared one desire – all of the people wanted to show what they were capable of. It was never limited to the show business – his classmates studied like crazy to not let the chance of successful future slip away, his parents always talked about high pressure at their workplaces and the elders he knew from across the street constantly complained about not being able to retire yet due to financial difficulties.
It is only natural that some people end up being broken by this fast-paced society. Some people leave it for good, some get swallowed by its’ darkness, exhausted from the constant competition, and only a few fight back and succeed eventually. Till always thought that it would’ve been better if they had just left.
Of course, his first big role was a success. It seemed that the nation had found their new favorite, every journalist at that time praised Till for his incredible skills and ‘enchanting green eyes’. He had re-read a lot of articles about his first film later, when he got older, and always ended up tearing up. In the end of the day, even such a sensation couldn’t guarantee anything to anyone if the choices are destined to be wrong.
Till’s parents failed to choose what was right. They tried to rush his success, making contacts with wrong people. The agency that he was under wasn’t the smartest one, too, and Till’s next project failed because they tried to replicate his first success, not coming up with anything new. There were some positive comments about his second movie, but all of the articles about it shared the theme – Till was ultimately dubbed as ‘one-time success’ and ‘actor of one role’.
That’s when his parents’ relationship turned sour. They both blamed each other for the failure, fighting over the lawsuits Till’s agency came with and refusing to face the truth. Caught in the middle, there was only one thing that Till wanted – to disappear.
Till knew none of them were cut out for the pressure of Seoul. All it ever brought to their family was stress and constant arguments, and he hated himself for ever wanting to become a star. His parents, who were already struggling to make ends meet, just wanted to kill two birds with one stone, and Till was the one who suggested that option because of his childish and stupid dreams.
His father fell first – always being the short-tempered and impulsive man, he ended up searching for solace in the wrong places. Till was grateful his mom managed to find some courage within herself to separate, but he knew that their happiness was forever lost.
After his parents got a divorce, Till rarely talked to his father. All he knew about the man was that he had started a new family, never being able to fully get back to normal because of his addictions. And it was enough – there was no reason for them to talk anyway.
His mother worked more than ever after they separated. Despite clearly being depressed, she never stopped caring about Till, which eventually made him feel very guilty. Although he knew that it was impossible to predict that things will turn out this way for them, Till never stopped blaming himself for their divorce.
That’s why he started thinking of ways to help his mother. Studying was off-limits – Till wasn’t the brightest child, and to enroll into any of the top universities not only do you have to be incredibly smart, but also rich enough to pay for tuition. So, he decided to work at the nearest convenience store, taking night shifts and saving up for a photoshoot.
And after that, Till started modeling.
Maybe, he never fully let go of his dream of becoming a star. Or, maybe, Till always thought there was nothing more to him than a pretty face. After all, it was only his big eyes and wide smile that got him into his first commercial, which led to the short-lived success.
That’s how he found himself looking for an agency when he was sixteen. It was hard – every place he sent his portfolio to turned him down. Till was already about to give up and started thinking about taking more shifts at the store, skipping school, when one agency accepted him.
The agency that wanted him was a small, but relatively known in Korean fashion world. It was a perfect place to start – there were no insane contracts, unlike when Till tried acting, mild pressure to meet the standards and, the most important part of it, fixed salary. Within a couple of months, he managed to earn enough to pay off the first part of the debt they still had.
By the time Till turned twenty-one, he was on top of the industry again. The articles about him flooded the Internet, everyone impressed with his comeback. These journalists could never get enough of him, constantly trying to dig up something on him, to figure out why he stopped acting and to expose him.
That’s why Hyuna, who was both Till’s closest friend and manager, had to work overtime. They met when Till was only starting his modeling career and Hyuna worked in the agency that had initially signed him. She was a failed trainee – despite being in her former company for over five years, the CEO constantly refused to debut her. Not willing to wait any longer, Hyuna left the idol world and never looked back. Although it was hard, she found herself a place in the fashion industry, working with a lot of people as their manager.
Despite her vast experience, she always scolded Till for being her ‘most troublesome client.’ Even now, when they were sitting in his spacious living room, Hyuna couldn’t stop pacing and mumbling something about today’s photoshoot.
‘You overestimate me, Till.’ Hyuna said, tone getting more serious. ‘I may be able to put up with your attitude, but others are not. They will complain. They will tell the press, and the press will buy it, blowing it out of proportion.’
‘You know, people say that bad publicity is still publicity.’ Till just shrugged. ‘Let it be. It’s not like people don’t hate me already. A couple of new bad articles about me won’t change anything.’
Truth to be told, Till didn’t think he did anything wrong. It’s just that the photographer he worked with today was way too invasive. Maybe, swearing at him and refusing to work further was too much, but it was just a payback. This fucker didn’t have to bring his family up, but he decided to be unprofessional first. It was only a matter of pride for Till to call this ‘renowned’ photographer out and storm out of the studio.
‘Till, this guy has worked with really successful people. He has connections. If he ever decides to speak up, you will never be able to work in this industry.’ Hyuna warned, finally sitting on the sofa next to Till. ‘I know he was rude, but you still have to consider how this world works…’
‘So what if he knows people? I know people too.’ He cut his manager off, upset with her words. ‘Hyuna, I know you are just being protective of me, but don’t forget – I will always find a way to come back, no matter the scandal. I’ve done something that only a few other people were able to achieve – I reinvented myself. Whatever this asshole will try, I’ll turn the situation around again in my favor.’
Hyuna looked at him, doubt written all over her face. She knew – Till had to say all of this to make himself believe that it was possible. And she couldn’t even argue – it wasn’t that easy to name anyone besides Till who had managed to come back to the world of fame and turn the tide in their favor.
But as his closest friend Hyuna could tell – he was the person who hated himself the most. She knew Till didn’t want to talk about his trauma and used his attitude to hide his own insecurities, but sometimes she hated how stubborn Till was. In the end of the day, no matter what people said, Till will push forward, no matter the cost.
‘I’m sorry, maybe I’m overreacting… I believe in you, Till, don’t get me wrong.’ Hyuna leaned back, hiding her face in her hands. ‘I’m just… tired.’
‘Is he acting up again?’ Till asked, looking at her. ‘You know, I could talk to him again, like a man to man.’
‘No, you already have enough on your plate without our problems. Luka and I will figure out it, just like we always do.’ Hyuna sat up, looking at Till again. ‘Just… don’t tell Hyunwoo about that.’
Till looked away, sighing loudly and thinking if it’s fine that Hyuna’s little brother still doesn’t know the details of her relationship with Luka, an active soloist and ‘National Treasure’.
Him and Hyuna have been in a relationship for years now, but there wasn’t any other word to describe their relationship besides ‘turbulent’. Till never liked to pry into their private business much, thinking that these two will be able to figure it out eventually, but the more time went on, the more he doubted it. Both of them had really hectic jobs and Luka had obvious mental health issues, so Hyuna often suffered the consequences of it all.
Till felt bad – he knew Hyuna had her own stuff going on, but he still made her worry about his reputation with his attitude and harsh words. But if he didn’t act like this, if he didn’t force himself to believe in this act, all of this might come crushing down again.
Till couldn’t afford that. Not after his mom was finally able to rest, when they just had managed to pay off their last part of the debt. It was only recently that Till saw her smile genuinely again, and all of this wouldn’t be possible if he didn’t put up the act.
Both of them kept silent, thinking about their own worries, when Hyuna’s phone started ringing. She picked up quickly, not checking what the number was.
‘Hello? Ah, yes, I’m Till’s manager, Hyuna.’ Till couldn’t hear what the person on the other end was saying, but judging by his friend’s face, it was something impressive. ‘Yes? Is it finalized? Sure, I’ll tell him immediately!’
When Hyuna hung up, she turned to face Till.
‘We are going to London!’ She exclaimed, pulling him in a quick hug. ‘Till, we made it!’
‘What? You mean…’
‘You’ll be able to partake in London Fashion Week!’ Hyuna pulled away a bit, excited. ‘The agent just called me, they’ve handled all of the technicalities!’
London Fashion Week was a part of so-called ‘Big Four’. Along with Paris, Milan and New York, the capital of Great Britain served as a harbor for high fashion twice a year, having incredibly famous and rich designers as well as some aspiring younger talents showcase their newest collections.
‘You have to be kidding…’
Till refused to believe in what he had just heard, still struggling to comprehend everything, when he realized that they were already in the beginning of February and the London Fashion Week often started closer to the end of it.
‘Wait, doesn’t it start in two weeks?!’
‘Yeah! The documents took longer than they expected, but since we don’t have to bother with visa or anything of that sort, there’s nothing to worry about!’
‘There is a lot to worry about, Hyuna!’ Till jumped, copying Hyuna’s prior actions as he started to pace through the room and mumbled something under his breath.
‘Well, besides for that rude photographer, I don’t see any reasons to overthink it.’ His manager calmly said, following his movements with her intent gaze.
‘Of course there are reasons! It’s my first time doing something big like this, how am I supposed to keep calm?’
‘Where did all of your attitude go?’ Hyuna chuckled, looking away and getting more comfortable on the sofa. ‘Five minutes ago, you were boasting about your achievements, but now your confidence is being threatened?’
Till stopped in front of the glass door of his big wardrobe. He had several of them, actually – one little cupboard in the bedroom, one in his cabinet for good measure and a big closet here, in the living room. Here he stored his most prized possessions – a pair of baggy jeans he bought with his first real paycheck, a couple of gifts from famous designers and some really expensive suits which he didn’t even want to think about, Hyuna just forced him to buy a couple of them for the most important events.
He looked at his reflection – he was wearing a really old T-shirt his mom bought ages ago. Till remembered how his mom gifted it to him one day after she got a bonus at one of her jobs. Although he always found the kitten printed on it to be corny, he refused to throw it away, using it as his leisurewear. His shorts didn’t have that much of a history, Till just remembered that he had also bought them a long time ago.
His silhouette was nice, still boyish and a bit scrawny. Till always thought that he got extremely lucky – he was naturally slim, not gaining much weight no matter how much he ate. Even thinking about strict diets annoyed him – he was already giving too much to this industry, he is not exchanging his meals for success, no matter how desperately he needs it. But now… Till regretted not trying anything out. Perhaps a well-thought diet could’ve helped him get into a better shape so that representatives of bigger brands could notice him.
‘If I knew earlier, I would’ve hired a coach or something… My body is not in the best shape.’ Till sighed, still staring at the cat print on the T-shirt.
‘Are you kidding me?’ Hyuna grumbled, refusing to stand up. ‘You look awesome, Till. Whenever you doubt it, you can go on the Internet and see how many girls are thirsting over you. Spare me from this.’
Hyuna was right – Till had a lot of fans. He was not really keen on social media, but every time he uploaded a pic anywhere, the Internet would go crazy. His fans would start trending hashtags and make edits with him, which was flattering, but Till still felt awkward about it. After all, not all users on the Internet had subscribed to this type of content, and sometimes he couldn’t help but think how all of it looked like to people who were not a part of stan culture.
‘Well, guess I’ll have to google myself tonight to feel better after this weird day.’ He joked and went to the kitchen to quickly grab two cans of beer. Coming back, he sat next to Hyuna again, giving her one of the cans.
‘Thanks, I needed that.’ She said, taking a drink and quickly opening the can. ‘Come on, Till. You have to think of it as an opportunity to prove everyone wrong. Even this asshole from today – imagine how mad he will be when he’ll see you there and realize that he lost his one and only chance to work with you?’
‘What would I do without you, my hypewoman?’ Till chuckled, beer helping him to finally relax.
‘Don’t ever call me that again, or you’ll be left on your own to deal with all the weirdos in the industry.’ Hyuna strictly warned him, but the wide smile on her face ruined the seriousness of the moment.
‘Ok-ok, I’ll work on my attitude.’ He laughed, looking away. ‘Do you know who will be there? In London, I mean.’
‘Oh, the usual big houses and a few new names, if I’m not mistaken.’ Hyuna put her can aside to fish out her phone out of the pocket, ready to check.
‘No, I mean… Are there any big models I need to be aware of?’ Till clarified, thinking about all of the colleagues people on the Internet thought he had beef with. In reality, there were only a couple of people who hated Till, but the feeling wasn’t mutual. Still, he would rather avoid crossing paths with some of the people he had worked with as his introverted personality couldn’t match these other models’ energy.
‘Well, none of those you had ever worked with before… I know Sua is presenting her new collection there, so maybe her agent will ask Ivan to walk there?’
Till remembered working with Sua. Her fashion brand, ‘CLEMATIS’, was on the rise when she reached out to Till’s agent with a proposal for collaboration. At that time, her brand was known only for her women’s collections, and Sua really wanted to change that. Till remembers that she stated that only Till would be able to pull off what she came up with.
And he did pull it off. Two years ago, he helped to present her first men collection at Seoul Fashion Week. He presented an extravagant green suit, flower embroideries decorating the blazer’s collar, the hems of the pant legs following the pattern. When Till first saw it, he doubted whether he could do it justice, but even to this day his fans kept bringing this look up, claiming that nobody could’ve worn it better than him.
However, Till was completely unaware of Sua having such connections.
‘Ivan? You mean the face of Alexander McQueen?’ Till asked, surprised to hear such a famous name. ‘They know each other?’
Till had heard about Ivan. It was actually impossible to not know about the guy – Ivan was the most famous male model in recent years. Being a face of a high-profile fashion house, any event that this guy attended would receive crazy attention. Although, truth to be told, Till didn’t get the hype around him – Ivan was, indeed, incredibly handsome, it wasn’t up for a debate, but there were many other male models who seemed to be way more interesting than him.
Yet, everyone wanted Ivan. And Till… he felt some sense of competition stirring inside of his chest when he thought about that man.
‘Yeah, they had worked together before. Besides, he is the face of Alexander McQueen, he has to be there.’ Hyuna shrugged, unlocking her phone to finally search up someone else. ‘As for the others… No idea, you know I don’t follow any male models that closely since you take all of my time.’
‘Rude, but understandable.’ Till looked at the can of beer in his hand, thoughts racing. ‘If you think that Ivan will be there, how many other big models can attend…’
‘And here you are, overthinking again! It’s just an assumption.’ Hyuna reminded him, putting the phone away and turning to face him. ‘So what if there are famous people there? You will soon be on the same level, if not higher than them!’
Till smiled at her, liking the sound of her words. Maybe, he should allow himself to dream bigger. After all, he wasn’t planning on stopping any time soon, so there is only one option for him.
Success.