Chapter Text
A thunderstorm raged outside the inn. Cloud barely registered the flashes of lightning outside. He’d gotten better at turning out the flashes. He was in his quiet, peaceful bubble thanks to the noise-canceling headphones Tifa had gotten him for his birthday last year. They had proved to be a Godsend to him. They had become his sanctuary during the late summer months when storms were common in the area.
He reached down and pulled the sheet off of the bed. The soft piano music drifting through the headphones kept his attention away from the storm outside. Most of the music on the device was still the original selections that Tifa had loaded on there. With an occasional upbeat tune that he’d added himself. Nothing jarring, that was the last thing he needed.
He gathered the sheets, balling them up with the dirty pillowcases. He’d been doing this for over a year now and the routine at this point was as familiar as the steady ache in his arm. Most days he could ignore the pain. It almost always seemed to be a dull, persistent throb. Yet, over the past several months, it had become worse, flaring up at least twice a week now. Leaving his arm numb and practically useless some days.
He knew that if he simply rested, it would likely alleviate his pain. But he couldn’t rest. Every Gil counted for their journey. They’d managed to save enough for the move to Junon and enough to cover three months’ rent in the city. But having some extra would definitely help. He hated knowing that he wouldn’t be able to do anything to help them financially once they moved. His only income would be his Shinra stipend until he got his arm taken care of.
He carried the bundle of sheets over to the basket that he had sitting right beside the door. It was his usual routine when he was inside of a room. It helped him from getting startled by someone opening the door. He used the basket to prop the door open.
Cloud covered the short distance to the chair in the room where he’d placed the fresh linens. He grabbed the pillowcases first. Once he had one on, he reached across the bed to grab the other pillow. As he did, the overhead light flickered. He sighed softly. The storm was threatening to knock out the power. Just what he needed. Then the light flickered again, this time more rhythmically. He looked up at the light for a second before he noticed a hand waving in his peripheral vision.
Barret.
Well, at least the storm wasn’t going to knock out the power. Yet. He was grateful that his friend had chosen this way to get his attention when he had his headphones on. There had been an incident a few months back where Cloud had his headphones on and didn’t hear Barret come into the room. The man had tried to get his attention by touching his arm and Cloud instinctively reacted. They nearly had a physical fight because of it.
He carefully pulled one headphone off his ear. “Hey, what’s up?” He asked. When he finished his question, a loud crack of thunder hit outside, causing him to flinch.
“You good?” Barret asked.
“Uh, yeah… the storm.” Cloud’s eyes traveled towards the window as another gust of wind rattled it. He shook his head and took a deep breath to help keep his nerves under control. Barret’s presence was enough to keep him grounded and for that, he was thankful.
Barret followed his gaze and hummed. He understood. He’d been there himself. It had taken him years to be able to handle storms without any episodes hitting him. “Just wanted to check on ya. See if you needed anything.”
Cloud shook his head. “I’m good.” He started to adjust his headphones back over his ear, but Barret spoke again, stopping him.
“When’s your last day workin’?” Barret asked. He moved around to the other side of the bed to help Cloud with the fitted sheet on the bed.
“Sunday,” Cloud answered simply. “Gives us time to pack and make sure everything’s ready.”
Barret nodded. He’d already managed to find a teen in the village to take Cloud’s spot a couple days a week to help him out. He’d also managed to find a new bartender, a young woman who had been working with Tifa for the past week. But he’d miss both of them. They were good workers, reliable and strong. “And you’re leavin’ next weekend?” He saw Cloud nod in response.
“Yeah. Catching a ride on the shipment truck over to Rocket Town next Thursday afternoon,” Cloud explained.
Barret nodded again. He helped Cloud smooth out the sheet on the bed then reached across for the top sheet when Cloud unfolded it. “Will you do me a favor?”
Cloud paused and looked across the bed, meeting Barret’s gaze. “What is it?”
“Look after Tifa for me.”
“I already planned on it.” Cloud replied. His words were simple yet direct. He would look after her. He’d already spent countless hours talking with Tifa about their move. He did his best to tell her about Junon and what to expect based on what he remembered from his roughly five years spent there. He knew things probably changed since then, but he was sure that the majority of things would be exactly the same.
The apartment they’d found was one he wasn’t expecting. A one bedroom place on the fourth floor. The network listing did say it had an elevator, which was helpful. But it overlooked the water. It was situated right along Junon’s main street. 800 Gil a month. It was even labeled as being furnished with new furniture as well for them. It would be the bare necessities, but it would be more than enough for the two of them to get by. It was almost too good to be true.
“She’s never been out of Nibelheim.” Barret continued, stating the obvious. Something that Cloud was already well aware of. “She’s not going to know how to handle it.”
Cloud scoffed softly. He couldn’t help the noise that came out of his mouth. As he went to speak, he heard another loud rumble outside and closed his eyes for a second. He really wanted to put his headphones back on. “I know. Trust me, I know she’s never left the town. I know she’s not going to know how to handle it when we get there.”
His mind was already a whirlwind of anxiety. The move was right around the corner and it was all he could think about. He couldn’t shake all of the worries that plagued him. He couldn’t stop the self-loathing about the fact that he wouldn’t be able to provide for her. He felt like he wouldn’t be good enough. He worried that she’d eventually realize it and find someone else in the city. Someone that was whole. Someone that wasn’t as broken as he was.
He knew he wouldn’t be able to work. His arm prevented him from even thinking about trying. He wouldn’t be able to do anything but stay at home in their apartment. And that was assuming the doctor in Junon could even help him. He’d be spending a lot of time recovering if the doctor could do something. If not… he tried not to even entertain that thought. He already felt useless most days because of his arm, and he knew that feeling would only threaten to take over once they were settled in Junon.
Barret noticed the silent shift in Cloud’s demeanor. The man didn’t say anything else. He’d learned enough about the man to notice his changes. He decided not to pry further. He’d come to know Cloud over the past several months. Cloud was just like he was after the first war. A roller coaster of emotions. Usually he offered what support he could to the man, but this felt different. Barret wasn’t sure he could help him with whatever was going on in his head this time around.
“If ya need anything, let me know.” Barret said softly.
“Thanks,” Cloud replied. He almost immediately pulled his headphones back over his ears. Once again, he found himself surrounded by comforting music. His eyes darted up to watch as Barret left him alone in the room.
He’d been doing his best to maintain his calm throughout all of this. The move itself to Junon was something he knew he could handle just fine. What got to him though was all the uncertainty that came with it. They had a home lined up, the doctor’s appointment would be scheduled at the early part of next week, hopefully for just a few days after their arrival to minimize the wait. But he didn’t know what to expect from any of this.
It could all backfire and they’d make this trip for nothing. It could all help him and he’d be better in a year’s time. He just had no idea.
Cloud hadn’t felt this level of fear about something since he’d made the decision to return to Nibelheim from Midgar. That terrified him too. He remembered feeling all the confusion and fear about how everybody would react to him returning.
This was that same level of terror to him.
Cloud leaned forward, his elbows already on the table, and buried his face into his hands. They’d just confirmed the purchase of their boat tickets to Junon. The final piece of what they needed for next weekend. Off to the side, he heard Tifa’s conversation with his mother. They were in the kitchen. He didn’t even have the mentality right now to listen in on their conversation. Even if he wanted to right now.
He felt himself slipping. He felt himself slipping right back into the same mental state he was in when he returned to Nibelheim. He knew he was spiraling again with all the thoughts of their journey but it felt like there was nothing he could do about it.
“Cloud? Honey?” Tifa’s soft voice cut through his rampant thoughts.
“Hm?” He managed a barely audible hum in response.
He felt her hand rest gently against his upper back. It soon moved across to the other side, a soothing motion. He lowered his hands and realized she was standing right beside him. Instinctively, he leaned into her, resting his forehead gently against her stomach. Tifa, thankfully, seemed to understand his unspoken need. She placed her glass of water on the table in front of him and wrapped her arms around his head, holding him close.
“You okay?” She asked even though she already knew the answer.
“Not really,” he answered honestly. He closed his eyes and simply focused on the feeling of Tifa’s fingers gently running through his hair. It was a simple gesture, but one that he’d found the most comfort in over the months they’d spent living together at his mom’s house.
Claudia stepped out of the kitchen then, her eyes landing on her son. “Wanna talk about it?” She tried softly.
Cloud took a shaky breath. His hand came up to grip Tifa’s forearm. He wanted to talk, but he wasn’t sure if he could find the words to properly voice what was going through his head. He felt Tifa shift a bit and then he felt her warm lips press against the top of his head.
“We’ll talk later, okay?” She murmured into his hair.
He simply nodded. He’d made so much progress in opening up to his mother about the things that were on his mind. But this… this was different. His anxiety was something that he didn’t want to share with his mom. Hell, he didn’t even want to share it with Tifa. Tifa had been his rock for so long and he already felt like he was a burden to her.
This move to Junon was just going to intensify that feeling. He wouldn’t be able to do anything to help Tifa financially and he hated that more than anything else. It made him feel useless.
He shook his head briefly as he turned his head a bit. He stayed in Tifa’s embrace though, not wanting to give that up just yet. His eyes landed on his mom where he saw her concern. As much as he wanted to talk to her too, he knew she wouldn’t understand. His mom wasn’t going to Junon with them. And he feared that if he talked to her, she’d try to convince them to stay a little longer.
But they couldn’t.
The tickets had been purchased, the apartment was lined up in Junon. They couldn’t just back out of their trip at this point. Everything was set in stone. They had all the confirmations. Everything.
Tifa kept her lips pressed against his head as her eyes moved over to look at Claudia. Lifting her head a bit, she spoke, “it’s just… been a lot getting all this together,” she explained vaguely, hoping to keep Claudia appeased and keep her from pushing too hard.
She knew some of Cloud’s worries. He’d shared pieces with her when they were alone. Tifa desperately wanted to reassure him. She wanted to bring him back from the brink of despair. She wished she could make him see that everything would be alright, that they’d find a way to make it work. But she didn’t know where to start.
She had her own worries that she wouldn’t be able to find a job as a bartender somewhere. Yes, she knew what she was doing and she knew how to bring in the tips. But that was something that she couldn’t worry him with, he worried enough for the both of them about this whole thing.
Tifa looked up as she heard Claudia start to make her way down the hallway. She had an uncanny ability to sense their need for a minute alone. Tifa shifted slightly, pulling a chair closer to Cloud and settled beside him. She reached over and took his hand, her fingers intertwining with his as they’d done countless times before.
“Talk to me, please?”
Cloud turned to her, her touch always had a powerful effect over him. “I feel like I’m slipping,” he whispered, his voice barely audible. He wanted to make sure that his mom didn’t hear him if she wasn’t in her room yet.
“Slipping how?” She pressed gently. Tifa knew that there were many times Cloud needed the push to get him to share more and she was okay with that.
He released a heavy breath, taking a few moments to gather his thoughts. “When… we get there, I won’t be able to work.”
“I know that. We’re going there to get your shoulder taken care of, Cloud,” Tifa tried to reassure him. She knew that it had been bothering him for a while. She’d found some listings on the network for jobs and every time she showed them to him to get his opinion, he always got quiet.
“But I won’t be able to provide for you… at all. I won’t be able to do anything.” The words were laced with self-loathing. He felt like he would be completely useless.
Tifa leaned closer, wrapping her other arm around his back. She then rested her head gently against his shoulder. “I’m not going with you just for you to take care of me, Cloud. I love you. I’m the one who brought up the idea, remember?” She felt him nod against her. “It’s not like you won’t be helping. You’ll still have that check that covers a lot of the rent.”
Cloud closed his eyes, leaning his head gently against hers. The weight of their upcoming move, them finally getting their tickets… It was getting to him. He’d found himself relying on her more than ever this past week or two. “I’m afraid to lose you,” he confessed finally.
Tifa lifted her head suddenly, her eyes searching his. “Why would you lose me?” She asked, feeling genuinely confused by his statement.
“That…” He looked down at the table, unable to look at her. It didn’t last long though as Tifa’s hand moved away from his and cupped his cheek, forcing him to look back at her. “That you’ll find someone else who’s not broken.”
Tifa’s expression softened. She wanted so badly to just laugh and dismiss his fears as absurd, but she saw the genuine terror in his eyes. He truly believed it would happen. “I’ve told you this before, Cloud. You’re stuck with me,” she told him firmly. She leaned in, pressing her lips gently against his. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” he whispered back to her, a slight smile on his face.
“I’m doing all of this for you. I want to do this with you.” Tifa moved her hand from his cheek and gently threaded her fingers through his hair. She knew, deep down, that her words wouldn’t be enough. He needed to see the proof and she planned on showing it to him once they were in Junon.
Tifa glanced down at the tablet that was resting on the table. The screen was off, but she knew that that device had been used a lot over the past couple of weeks and it brought anxiety to Cloud every time it was brought out. She reached over and pushed it up against the wall then cupped his cheek to look into his eyes.
“Why don’t we go get in bed?” She suggested. Her tone was gentle but also firm, leaving no room for argument.
Cloud nodded silently. He waited for her to stand up before he followed her lead. He hated the constant barrage of worries that took over his mind. He wanted to try to maintain her optimism regarding Junon. He wanted all of this to work out, but the dark side of his head was taking over more and more each day it got closer.
A few minutes later, they were nestled beneath the covers in their shared bed. Tifa had flipped on the TV once they were settled. She had learned that the background noise helped Cloud to be able to relax. She’d grown accustomed to it over the months she’d spent living with him.
“When we get there, you have to remember to talk to me, okay?” She encouraged him softly. She gently pulled him closer to her and guided his head to rest against her chest. She wanted to do what she could for him to help him remember that he was loved and nothing would change that.
“As long as you talk to me too…” Cloud murmured softly. He wrapped his arm loosely around her waist before he continued. “If you start working at a bar, you’re going to get hit on…”
Tifa couldn’t suppress a soft laugh. She tried, but it left her mouth before she could stop it. “Honey, I already get hit on,” she teased as she ran her fingers through his short hair. She was actually glad that he decided to keep it this length. Ever since he cut it before the new year, she’s loved it. “It’s going to happen.” She expected it, especially in a much larger city. But her heart belonged solely to Cloud. “I’ll be coming home to you every night,” she promised.
Cloud nodded. He felt a pang of guilt hit him as well as some shame for making her repeat the same things to him. Yet, the consistency of her words helped him immensely. It helped push away the thoughts of doubt that threatened to take over. “Always?”
“Always,” Tifa confirmed. She leaned forward just enough to press a tender kiss to the top of his head. She rested back against the pillows and looked over at the TV. It didn’t take him long to start to drift off. She felt his head start to dip more and just continued to run her fingers through his hair.
She knew he wasn’t physically exhausted. It was mental exhaustion that took him. Tifa knew that their journey to Junon wasn’t going to be easy. It was going to take a lot out of both of them and Cloud’s anxieties would be hard to overcome. She hoped that the doctor would actually be able to help him.
Tifa planned on showing him each day they were there that she only had eyes for him. He’d come a long way since he’d been home and she knew that slips would happen here and there. She was ready for this next chapter of their lives. She was excited to see what it brought. And she would be there with him, every step of the way.