Chapter Text
Todd isn’t sure where the confidence has come from. Deep down he knows it’s from watching Neil shine onstage as Puck, pride coursing through his veins as he sat and watched, admiration thrumming and his heart pounding against his chest. The last feeling is one he knows he shouldn’t feel…boys were not supposed to feel that way about boys, but Todd had been feeling it for Neil for a small while. Since the day they jumped around on their beds, laughing their heads off as Todd scrambled to get his poetry back from the clutches of Neil’s hands. Neil had always believed in him, ever since that first day, eager to introduce him to his friends, eager to get him involved in their study group and then later on join the Dead Poets Society.
Now, Todd stands, the Five Centuries of Verse in his hands, binding breaking and stuck together with tape. He feels no nerves, he trusts the boys he’s with to not ridicule him, he felt safe with them. And he feels safe with Keating, almost feeling a fatherly aura from the man as he watches Todd with a small smile. Despite being surrounded by those he loves, the one person he wants here the most isn’t, and his heart tugs in slight anguish. Neil had been taken home after the play, his father’s face red with fury.
Neil’s eyes had been sad behind the window of the car as they’d pulled away, eyes pleading with Todd; full of worry— it had left a taste of dread drip onto Todd’s tongue, sour and un-wanting. It had been Charlie’s idea to head to the cave tonight, Cameron hadn’t shown.
“We’re dreaming of tomorrow, and tomorrow isn’t coming. We’re dreaming of the glory that we don’t really want. We’re dreaming of a new day when they new days there already.” The cave is silent as Todd reads, his friends captivated by his voice, the words echoing around the space in a way they hadn’t when he’d improvised his poem in class a few weeks ago. Keating is watching him with pride, and Todd wishes Neil were here to see this.” And we’re running from the battle, when it’s one that must be fought.”
“And still we sleep.” They all recite as Todd looks to him, his gaze falling on Chris, who is tucked into Knox’s side— Charlie glancing to them with slight jealousy flicking in his eye.
“We’re listening for the calling, but never really heeding. Hoping for the future when the future’s only plans. Dreaming of the wisdom that we are dodging daily, Praying for a savior when salvation’s in our hands.”
“And still we sleep.”
“And still we dream. And still we fear. And still we pray.” Todd pauses, looking to his friends, his thoughts only those of Neil, wondering if he’s okay.” And still we sleep.”
Applause and cheering bursts around the walls of the cave, ricocheting around as voices overlap—singing Todd’s praise. He beams as best as he can, and Keating hugs him with fatherly pride Todd has never known. Charlie pats him on the shoulder and the pair smile to one another as wide as they’ll allow.
They joke around for a little while before they head back to the school, full of joy and love and laughter as they sing together— Chris following with them, arm looped with Knox. Charlie walks beside Todd, masking the sour look on his face as they march across, singing loud and proud.
It feels strange entering his dormitory without Neil. It feels odd to change into his pyjamas without joking around quietly with his roommate, and it feels even weirder when he eventually clambers into bed with no Neil to talk to late into the night. It’s silent as Todd closes his eyes, the soothing snoring from the other side of the room not emerging, but he eventually allows for sleep to wash over him.
His sleep is dreamless, and as soon as he’s drifted off it feels like he’s awake immediately after. He’s woken by Charlie calling his name, and he opens his eyes slightly to see him sitting beside his bed, and before Todd can roll over to go back to sleep, a hand is placed on his shoulder that startles him awake. An awful feeling settles into his gut as he spots the tears falling down Charlie’s face, and sees the other poets standing at the end of the bed, pyjama clad and red in the face from crying.
The next words out of Charlie’s mouth makes Todd’s blood run cold.
“Neil’s dead.”
Todd can’t breathe, his heart is hammering so hard in his chest that he feels dizzy as he gets out of bed; his friends trying to grab him as he throws on some shoes and gets his coat. He manages out a strangled “I need some air” as he barges past them, the dormitory becoming too crowded all of a sudden.
Cold air smacks Todd right in the face as he makes his way across the yard. His socks are wet in his shoes from the snow he’s stomping through, and he can hear the other boys running after him, calling his name, and he comes to a stop at the place he and Neil would run lines together. He stares out over the lake, and it looks so pretty without other students running around it. It’s almost calming.
”I love this”
”What, me?”
“It’s so beautiful.” He says, turning around to face his friends, snow cascading down onto them. That’s when the tears start to build, and as Todd tries to swallow them down, he’s hit with a wave a nausea that makes him lose his balance.
He falls into the snow, retching up his empty stomach, and he feels multiple hands grab at him as he’s sick on the ground. He’s yanked back, Charlie shoving snow into his mouth as the tears finally start to fall. He’s hysterically sobbing as he tries to shake away from Charlie’s grasp, and he’s not making sense as he talks, unable to word his thoughts.
“It was his father! His father did it!”
“No!” Pitts says, horrified by the accusation as Todd cries out,” he wouldn’t leave us! His father killed him! People have to know that!”
“You seriously don’t think his father…” Knox begins but he’s cut off by Todd frantically sobbing out,” not with the gun! Damn it, even if the bastard didn’t pull the trigger he…even if Mr Perry didn’t shoot him he killed him. They have to know that!”
And Todd finally breaks free of their grasps, running down toward the lake, stumbling as he does so, ignoring his friend’s cries for him. Charlie tells them to leave him be as Todd runs, wind swiping like a knife at his cheeks as he sobs; grief building within him with every tumble.
Mr Keating had once told him that every barbarian lets out a big yawp, and that morning, by the lake, Todd’s yawp erupts from him.
“Neil!” He screams until his throat goes hoarse and he can no longer stand, sagging down into the snow at the edge of the lake, weeping loudly, not caring if his tears freeze on his face.
___
There is no funeral, just a memorial service for the students of Welton. The poets all stand together as they sing, and Todd glances to Charlie, who is stood quietly staring into space. Mr Nolan gives a speech, to which he announces there shall be an enquiry into Neil’s death, and then they are dismissed to a day of no lessons. Many of the poet pledges head to do a study group in Neil’s honour, but Todd, however, makes his way to the cave. He places his coat down and lies on it, staring at the cave ceiling, not bothering to make a small fire for light. It’s not completely dark, the light from outside is casting shadows around him, and he jumps when someone else enters.
“I…I didn’t think anyone else would be here.” Charlie admits in a mumble, and Todd sits up, patting the space beside him. Charlie sits down, and Todd watches as he pulls some cigarettes out of his coat pocket. He offers one to the other boy, who takes it, and Charlie strikes a match to light them.
They sit and smoke in a content silence, both so overcome with grief that they’re exhausted. Todd hasn’t slept properly since Neil passed, and he can tell Charlie has somewhat been the same. They smoke in unbroken unison, and Charlie is the first to break the silence.
“I hearby call this meeting of the dead poets society to order.” He begins and tears start to line Todd’s eyes as he stares at the blank wall in front of him.” I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately-
“Don’t.” Todd sighs, sniffing back his emotion.” Please.”
Silence settles yet again, and Todd feels Charlie’s eyes on him, like he’s trying to assess his thoughts just by staring at him. Todd wills for his thoughts to shut off, but the obvious heartbreak is evident in his expression— and his lack of sleep and eating sustainable meals.
“You know you can tell me anything, right?” It’s slightly off putting hearing and seeing Charlie Dalton being serious, but Todd lets out an exhale as he opens his hand for another cigarette.” Todd-
“Give me another and I’ll tell you.” He bargains, and Charlie gives him another cigarette, helping him to light it as his hands tremble in grief.
Todd takes a few drags of the cigarette before he says what he doesn’t want to admit. Admitting it out loud makes it real, and now that Neil was gone, Todd wanted nothing more than to pretend his feelings were fleeting, that they hadn’t happened. Charlie just sits and waits until he’s ready, looking a little expectant as Todd stubbs out his cigarette.
“I…I was…” Todd begins, the all too familiar anxiety gripping at his throat. A tear falls as he tries to rid of the anxiety and swallow the lump of terror down, and Charlie is so patient that it makes Todd want to cry harder.” I…was in love with him…with Neil, I suppose.”
“I’ll keep your secret.” Charlie says softly, putting an arm around Todd as he finally breaks, letting out heaving sobs. Charlie rubs his back, and he trembles in the taller boys arms, face pressed into his neck.” I’m so sorry, Todd.”
They remain in the cave for hours, not talking a lot of the time but enjoying one another’s company. When they begin to pack up to leave, Charlie admits that he’s got feelings for Knox, and that he couldn’t even begin to imagine what it would be like to lose him. Todd just hugs his friend, promising to keep his secret too, and then he pulls his coat back on— the pair making their way back to the school as the sun begins to set.
Dinner passes in a blur of conversation from the group, and Todd playing with his food instead of eating it. He picks apart the chicken, and pokes at the peas, but ultimately his meal is left uneaten. He blames it on a big lunch when Meeks enquires on his behaviour; but they all know he’s lying as he’d only managed to stomach half a sandwich at lunch just before the memorial. Todd just walks off to his dormitory, ignoring the call for a poet meeting. Charlie tells them not tonight, and Todd closes his bedroom door— hating to see that Neil’s bedsheets have been stripped. He leans against the wall by the windowsill, and watches the snow fall thick and fast outside. Part of him can’t wait for winter break, the other half doesn’t know how he’s going to cope when he returns to school.
He doesn’t bother to change into his pyjamas, instead he just falls ontop of his bed, still in his uniform. No matter how hard he tries, sleep will not arrive, and he’s so frustrated that he spends the night crying. He cries for Neil, and he cries for his irritation at not being able to sleep despite having no energy. His stomach aches from hunger despite feeling sick whenever he goes to eat, and he curls into a ball and clutches at his stomach as more tears cascade down his face. Todd closes his eyes and tries to think of Neil. He tries to conjure the memories of him and Neil throwing his desk set off the bridge, or of him and Neil laughing as they bounce around the room, Neil comparing him to Walt Whitman. But his thoughts twist and turn sour. His memories are replaced with images of Neil heading to his father’s car, never to return to Welton ever again.
____
“You told him about this meeting?” Charlie asks Meeks, the five of them hauled up in the attic, smoking in what had been relative silence.
“Twice.” Meeks responds and a flash of irritation falls over Charlie’s face. Cameron hadn’t shown.
“That’s it, guys. We’re all fried.” Charlie’s voice is calm as he speaks, as if he’s accepted his fate already.
“How do you mean?” Pitts asks as all eyes turn to Charlie. Todd knows exactly what he means. Cameron has ratted them out.
“Cameron’s a fink. He’s in Nolan’s office right now, finking.” Explains Charlie, his temper becoming more short by the second.
“About what?” Pitts asks and Charlie immediately responds with,” the club, Pittsie. Think about it. The board of directors, the trustees and Mr Nolan. Do you think for one moment they’re gonna let this thing just blow over? Schools go down because of things like this. They need a scapegoat.”
It’s not the schools fault, Todd thinks. He thinks Mr Perry should take the blame entirely. Todd loathed the man for this. Silence falls on the group again, leaving Charlie to fester in his anger, and Todd to be left with his distasteful thoughts before the door opens. In a panic, they all get rid of their cigarettes and try to bat away the smoke, only to be met with Cameron.
“What’s going on, guys?” He asks, rather stupidly in Todd’s opinion. Charlie’s anger is slowing reaching boiling point as he stands and accuses,” you finked, didn’t you, Cameron?”
“Finked? I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.” Cameron responds and he is possibly the world’s worst liar. It’s dripping off his tongue.
“You told Nolan everything about the club is what I’m talking about!” Charlie snaps out, slowing walking over to the red head.
“Look, in case you hadn’t heard, Dalton, there’s something called an honour code at the school, alright?” Cameron responds, going from 0-10 real quick, which seems to piss Charlie off even more.” If a teacher asks you a question, you tell the truth or you’re expelled.”
“You little punk!” Charlie goes to lunge for him, but he’s pulled back by Knox and Meeks, Todd and Pitts standing to assist.” He’s a rat! He’s in it up to his eyes so he ratted to save himself.”
“Don’t touch him, Charlie. You do and you’re out.” Knox reminds him, only to be met with Charlie responding with,” I’m out anyway.”
“You don’t know that, not yet.” Knox tries to bargain desperately.
“He’s right there, Charlie.” Cameron says and Todd wishes for him to stop talking before Charlie smacks him. He doesn’t know how he’ll cope if Charlie is expelled.” And if you guys are smart, you will do exactly what I did and cooperate.”
Knox and Meeks let go of Charlie, who straightens out his blazer. They all look to Cameron, Charlie sizzling in quiet fury as he tries to gather himself, as the red head continues with,” they’re not after us. We’re the victims. Us and Neil.”
“What’s that mean? Who are they after?” Charlie asks, eerily calm. Todd frowns at the use of Neil’s situation being batted around for whatever the hell is going on.
“Why, Mr Keating, of course. The ‘captain’ himself.” Cameron replies as if it’s obvious and Todd’s stomach drops. This could get Keating in serious trouble and Todd doesn’t want him to go either.” I mean, you guys didn’t really think he could avoid responsibility, did you?”
“Mr Keating responsible for Neil?” Charlie asks, the anger flooding back into his voice. Todd can feel himself starting to get worked up now, as well. The accusation was ridiculous.” Is that what they’re saying?”
“Well, who else do you think, dumbass?” Cameron shouts, and Todd can practically feel the heat of anger radiating off of Charlie by this point.” The administration? Mr Perry? Mr Keating put us up to all this crap, didn’t he? If it wasn’t for Mr Keating, Neil would be cosied up in his room right now studying his chemistry and dreaming of being-
Anger grips Todd like a vice. He’s too tired to put up with this, too exhausted to listen to Cameron ramble on and on about things he clearly knew nothing about. He steps forward, the words falling from him with exasperation as he yells out,” that is not true, Cameron! You know that.”
The others look at Todd with slight surprise. Todd was never confrontational. Todd was quiet, Todd was shy, but right now, he’s angry and rightfully so. His voice is hoarse, he hasn’t really stopped crying, and his words come out all scratched.
“He didn’t put us up to anything. Neil loved acting!”
“Believe what you want, but I say let Keating fry.” Cameron says as if everyone else will agree with him. Todd feels tears grip at his throat, but he doesn’t dare let them reach his eyes. The others are silent as Cameron continues with,” I mean, why ruin our lives?”
It’s one swing from Charlie that does it. His knuckles collide with Cameron’s nose, knocking him off his feet. Charlie goes to jump on him to continue hitting him, but Knox and Meeks manage to pull him away, saying things like “Charlie!” “You dummy!” Todd manages to grab ahold of Charlie too, as Knox’s grip slips and he bats Meeks away.
“You just signed your expulsion papers, Nuwanda.” Cameron says, wiping the blood from his nose. Todd lets Charlie go, and he heads back to where he’d been sitting moments ago. Cameron stands.” And if the rest of you are smart, you’ll do exactly what i did! They know everything anyway. You can’t save Keating but you can save yourselves.”
And with that, he leaves. Charlie sits down, grabbing another cigarette and lighting it up, his knuckles red, bruised and bloody. Todd sits beside him, assessing his hand, and Charlie just silently smokes as the others try to wrap their heads around what just happened.
_____
Each poet is picked off one by one. It starts with Cameron’s confession and spirals from there. Pitts is next, followed by Charlie, followed by Meeks who sadly informs Todd that Charlie has been expelled from the school. Todd’s heart sinks at that. No Neil, and now no Charlie, he almost doesn’t want to come back next year. Knox is called forward next.
Last to be spoken to is Todd. He enters Nolan’s office to find both of his parents there, and his heart lifts slightly when he sees his mom. He’d always been a mommy’s boy, despite most of their attention always being on his older brother Jeffrey. Even so, he could do with a hug from her right about now, her hands stroking his hair as he weakly sobs into her shoulder. But, he has no such joy as they tell him to sit down, which he does. He finds himself picking at a hangnail on his thumb for the whole meeting.
“Mr Anderson, I think we’ve pretty well put together what’s happened here. You do admit to being a part of this Dead Poets Society?” Nolan asks and anxiety drowns Todd’s answer in his throat. He was rarely confrontational, and he hated getting into trouble. He picks at the hangnail on his thumb.
“Answer him, Todd.” Father pushes, and Todd swallows his anxieties down as best as he can.
“Yes, sir.” His response is quiet, emotion fighting its way to the surface as his eyes mist. Nolan puts on his reading glasses and that’s when Todd notices a document infront of the man.
“I have here a detailed description of what occurred at your meetings.” Nolan begins. The hangnail becomes looser.” It describes how your teacher, Mr Keating, encouraged you boys to organise this club and to use it as a source of inspiration for reckless and self indulgent behaviour. It describes how Mr Keating, both in and out of the classroom, encouraged Neil Perry to follow his obsession with acting when he knew all along it was against the explicit orders of Neil’s parents. It was Mr Keating’s blatant abuse of his position as teacher that led directly to Neil Perry’s death.”
That’s not the truth at all, but Todd dare not speak it. Neil had found the annual, Neil had asked Keating about the club, Neil had been the one to start it back up. Neil was their leader, he shone brighter than any of them, the way he spoke so enthusiastically had the other boys latching to his every word. Neil had been the one courageous enough to suggest starting up the Dead Poets Society once more, and the boys had followed their leader. He could make anyone fall in love with him, Todd thought. That was just Neil’s way.
As for the acting, Keating had encouraged them all to follow their passions, not just Neil. Todd’s sure Neil kept things from them all, he was only human after all. Keating wasn’t to blame for any of this, if there was anyone to blame, Todd places it at the firm hands of Tom Perry. Grief and guilt and anger are bubbling inside Todd, he wants it to stop.
He goes to protest Nolan’s words, but he can’t seem to conjure any of his own, and seeing his mother sitting tearfully with a handkerchief renders Todd silent. The guilt and the anger and the grief still brew.
The document is passed to his father, who passes it to his mother, who passes it to him and Todd receives it with trembling hands. He’s instructed by Nolan to read it carefully. Almost everyone has signed. All bar Charlie whose name isn’t even on it.
“If you’ve nothing to add or amend, sign it.” Nolan passes him a pen as he speaks, but Todd doesn’t take it.
“What’s gonna happen to Mr Keating?” He asks, managing to keep his emotions at bay, his voice quiet but steady. He’d lost Neil, Charlie was gone, Keating couldn’t leave too.
“I’ve had enough.” His father sighs and Todd glances to him. He looks irritated, as he often did at his youngest.” Sign the paper, Todd!”
It’s signed, rather hesitantly, and the meeting is complete. The three Anderson’s leave the Dean’s office, and Todd’s father doesn’t even look at him, opting to leave the school as soon as he can. Todd looks to his mother, his eyes misting over again, and she cups his cheeks in her hands.
“I am very sorry about your friend, Todd.” She says, and then she follows after his father, barely any comfort being shown to her youngest. He can hear his father faintly muttering about how Jeffrey never would’ve embarrassed them like that, and Todd sulks off up to his empty dormitory.
Loneliness creeps into the room as Todd closes the door, sinking to the ground and leaning against the wall. Silent tears trickle down his face, and if he’s being completely honest, he’s sick of crying. He tries to wipe at them, but they won’t stop, so he just accepts his fate and lets out a few sobs; ignoring the knocks at his door.
“Todd, let me in, please.” It’s Knox, and his voice is strangled with emotion. Todd murmurs that the door is open, and Knox enters the room to find him sitting against the wall.
He sinks down and joins him, wrapping a welcome arm around him, and the pair sit in their grief together. It sure was going to be quiet without Neil or Charlie around, but Todd knew he could trust Knox the way he had with Charlie, and so he admits the thoughts he’d been trying so hard to forget, and Knox holds him closer as he weeps loudly.
Nolan takes their English class the next day, and Todd makes a point of not looking at the two empty desks in the classroom. He’s sick of crying so he won’t even let himself think of anything. That is, until his name is called upon, as if God himself wants to punish him. Todd thinks he’s been punished enough due the fact God decided to make him a homosexual and then kill the first love he’d ever had.
Todd looks to the Dean in surprise, trying to think of the question he’s just asked. He asked something about the Pritchard. Anxiety threatens to creep upon Todd as he squeaks out,” in the—in the pro—
“I can’t hear you, Mr Anderson!” Exclaims Nolan, as if he’s trying to embarrass Todd on purpose. The seventeen year old suppresses a glare as he flicks through his book and asks,” in the—in the Pritchard?”
“Kindly inform me, Mr Cameron.” Todd is somewhat grateful to have the attention deferred onto Cameron. He doesn’t turn to look at him. Neil’s desk behind him is bare and for his own sanity, Todd stares directly down at his own desk.
“We skipped around a lot, sir. We covered the romantics, and some of the chapters on post civil war literature.” Cameron responds.
“What about the realists?”
“I believe we skipped most of that, sir.”
“Alright then, we’ll start over.” Nolan suggests and Todd resumes his activity of picking at the hangnail on his thumb that was too stubborn to come off.” What is poetry?”
The boys remain silent, and then there’s a knock at the door. Nolan tells them to enter, and all eyes turn to the door when Keating walks in. With slight disappointment, they all turn back to their books. Todd successfully break off the hangnail and a spot of blood takes its place.
“I came for my personals.” Keating explains.” Should I come back after class?”
“Get them now, Mr Keating.” Nolan instructs, and Keating does as he’s told. He glances to Todd as he walks past his desk, and Todd doesn’t look up from watching the small dot of blood on his thumb.” Gentlemen, turn to page 21 of the introduction. Mr Cameron, read aloud the excellent essay by Dr Pritchard on ‘understanding poetry’.”
The office door squeaks as Keating opens it, and the silence of the boys is replaced by Cameron answering,” that page has been ripped out, sir.”
“We’ll borrow somebody else’s book.”
“They’re all ripped out, sir.”
“What do you mean they’re all ripped out?” Nolan asks with an incredulous laugh, and Cameron goes to answer but Nolan just says,” never mind” as he walks to Cameron’s desk and places his own book infront of him.” Read!”
Todd glances to the office doorway that is slightly ajar, and his heart aches at the thought of not having Keating as his teacher anymore. He’d never had the best relationship with his own father, and he’d started to seek that relationship out with Keating instead. The man places on his coat and scarf, and Todd feels his eyes becoming misty once more.
“Understanding poetry by Dr J. Evans Pritchard, Ph.D. to fully understand poetry, we must first be fluent with its metre, rhyme and figures of speech, then ask two questions.” Cameron reads as Keating begins to leave the office.” One: how artfully has the objective of the poem been rendered? And two:…how important is that objective? Question one rates the poems perfection. Question two rates its importance.”
Keating glances to Todd once more as he passes his desk, and Todd wants to reach out or talk to him, but his anxiety doesn’t let him as Keating walks past. Tears line Todd’s eyes from frustration and sadness as Cameron continues to read,” and once these questions have been answered, determining the poems greatness becomes a relatively simple matter. If the poems score for perfection is plotted on the horizontal of a graph—
“Mr Keating, they made everybody sign it!” Todd bursts out, practically jumping out of his seat and turning to where Keating is about to reach the classroom door.
“Quiet, Mr Anderson!” Scolds Nolan as Todd tearfully continues with,” you gotta believe me, it’s true.”
“I do believe you, Todd.” Keating responds, taking a step forward as if he’s going to go to Todd to comfort him as he’s evidently distraught.
“Leave, Mr Keating!”
“But it wasn’t his fault!” Todd yells, turning to the Dean who yells back,” sit down, Mr Anderson, one more outburst from you or anyone else and you’re out of this school!”
Todd slumps back into his chair, silent tears falling down his face. Nolan instructs for Keating to leave once more, and Todd can’t bear to hear his footsteps making to exit. The tears stop, and by some Neil Perry levels of confidence, Todd finds himself standing upon his desk.
“O’Captain, my captain!”
He is, of course, instructed to sit down by Nolan but he just ignores him. Keating stands in the doorway, shocked that it’s Todd having this sudden burst of confidence, but pride shines in his eyes as slowly but surely Pitts, Meeks and Knox also stand upon their desks. They’re followed by a handful of other students, except for Cameron, who stays hunched over his desk— staring at his work.
“Thank you, boys.” Keating says, and then he makes his exit.
Logically, Nolan can’t kick them all out of the school for partaking, but Todd does get a month’s suspension. He doesn’t return to Welton by his own choice, and ends up back at Balincrest. To his surprise, that’s where Charlie’s been transferred to, and the rest of the year suddenly isn’t looking so bad.
_____
It’s a surprise knock on the door of his small apartment that wakes up John Keating. He’s only been gone from Welton for a day, and he was due to fly back to London next week— so he finds himself in his little apartment that he’d rented to live in during school vacations. The knocking becomes slightly louder, and John gets out of bed quietly, opening it up to reveal a dishevelled looking Neil Perry on the other side wearing nothing but his pyjamas.
“Neil?” He almost can’t believe it’s him. No, he really can’t believe it’s him. The last he knew, Neil had died…yet, here he stands, as alive as himself— shivering against the cold. His cheeks are humanely red, his hair is a mess, and his lips look to be turning blue. John reaches out for him, and Neil all but falls into his arms.” You’re alive!”
“A—am I not su—supposed to be?” Neil trembles in question. John closes the door with one arm and leads his former student to the living room— sitting him down on the couch as he rushes to find him a blanket. On the way, he turns the kettle on, knowing the boy could do with a hot drink.
“Your father told us you’d…killed yourself.” Keating responds, wrapping Neil up in not one but two blankets, to which he looks thankful to have albeit confused by this information.” I thought it was strange that there was no funeral.”
“He k—kicked me o-out.” Neil responds, watching as John makes them both some herbal tea. He gratefully accepts the mug once it’s in his hands.” I was too de-defiant. Said I was de-de-dead to him, that I’m not th-the son he raised.”
“Because you want to act?”
“Amongst other things.”
John could guess what ‘other things’ could entail. He’d seen the way Neil had looked at Todd, seen how close the pair had been. But he doesn’t push for answers on that, instead he asks Neil where he’s been for the past almost week and a half.
“Around town.” Neil responds before he sips on his tea.” Doing odd jobs for boarding. It was at the grocery store I heard you had been fired, I managed to find your address and thought I’d come check on you. I did not know i was supposed to be dead.”
“Well, I’m glad you aren’t.” Keating says, and Neil smiles a little.” Hey, I’m due back in London next week, how about you come with me?”
“You want me to come with you?” Neil asks and Keating smiles as he explains,” you can stay with me, attend some of my lectures, it could almost be like home schooling. Your future would be yours to make, Neil, I’ll just be there to assist.”
And that’s how John Keating ends up with a sixteen year old Neil Perry in London. He’s there with him when Neil turns seventeen, and he’s there when he turns eighteen. When he turns nineteen, Keating legally adopts him, and Neil drops Perry entirely; deciding to go by Neil Keating instead. He never quite refers to his former teacher as his father, but John knows that that’s how Neil sees him. Their life together is perfect, and then one day, Neil suggests moving to New York. Keating is able to get a teaching job out there, and Neil gets a job as a waiter as he tries to find some acting jobs. Those days of teacher and student seem a distant memory, it had been four years, after all.