Chapter Text
Water in a lake was surprisingly warm for this time of year, Brienne noticed as she let her legs down the wooden pier. Her bare feet disappeared under the dark blue surface. All of her could easily disappear. No one would know. The season hasn’t started yet and despite beautiful sunny weather, the area was empty, except for a couple walking along the surrounding trees.
Brienne was glad of it. The seclusion of this place was the main reason why she decided to come here. She didn’t want to see anyone. She was tired of people as much as she was tired of loneliness.
Always alone. A single tear made its way down her cheek and fell on her clothes. The memory of this afternoon was still vivid in her mind. The laugh and jests, and mockery. All directed at her because she was stupid enough to think that someone could like her and want her.
How couldn’t she see it before? It was so obvious now. But Brienne, naïve and stupid as she was, ignored the words coming from people who wished her best and listened to the person she shouldn’t have. And this was what hurt the most. Not even a stupid bet. What could you expect from the bunch of boys? Her friend’s betrayal. That was what cut Brienne to her core. Her friend. Her only friend. Or she just thought so.
“I knew I’d find you here.”
Brienne quickly wiped off traces of tears from her face before turning to the intruder.
“How?”
“I know you too well, Brie.” Gal removed his shoes and sat beside her on the edge of the pier. “Still that bad?”
The concern was clear in her brother’s voice but Brienne found herself unable to reply because of a thick lump blocking her throat. She nodded in response. Yes, it was still that bad.
“You shouldn’t care about those bastards. They’re not worth your—“
“I know,” Brienne exclaimed with force, effectively interrupting whatever cliché platitude Gal wanted to offer. “I know I shouldn’t give them the satisfaction of seeing me hurt. I know I shouldn’t care. But I just… do.”
A new wave of tears streamed down Brienne’s cheeks. This time she wasn’t even trying to stop a sob that escaped her throat. She didn’t have the strength to pretend everything was fine for any longer. She didn’t even want to. Her brother’s arms came around her as he pulled her closer.
“I’m so sorry that happened to you. I hate that I couldn’t do anything to stop it,” Gal was whispering into her hair as she cried into his chest. “But it will be over soon, you won’t need to see their wretched faces. You’ll have a new start at university. You’ll meet new people, you’ll have new friends…”
“You said the same before I went to high school. Nothing changed. Why this time would be any different?”
“Brie… Listen to me—”
“No.” Brienne gently freed herself from his arms. “No, Gal. You keep saying that it will get better but I know it won’t. I just need to learn how to accept that.”
“Accept what?”
“That nobody cares for me and I’ll always be alone.”
That was the bitter truth. Brienne removed tears with the back of her hand. She needed to occupy herself with something, she couldn’t bear to look at her brother now. She didn’t want to see pity written on his face.
“Hey, that’s not true, Brie.” She heard him saying. “You are not alone.”
“Gal, last time I checked, people who—”
“I didn’t mean those assholes. I’m talking about us. Me, mum, dad, Ari and Alys. You are not alone if you have us. Or do we not matter to you?”
“Of course, you do! It’s just…”
“It’s what?”
Brienne sighed. Why was it so difficult to explain? She loved her family dearly and they loved her, there was never any doubt about that. The thing was, that they were family. They haven’t chosen her for a daughter and sister, they had to accept her just the way she was. And Brienne was lucky she had such a supportive family, many people didn’t have even that. But Brienne yearned for someone who would choose her for… her. For someone who would like her. Not because they would be bound by family ties or any other obligation.
It was her secret dream since childhood. Since those evenings when mum was sitting in her favourite armchair with four of them around her, listening to the stories she was telling and the books she was reading to them out loud. There were so many stories! About valiant knights and beautiful maidens or about magical creatures living in Westeros hundreds of years ago, about heroes and warlocks, about war and peace, and magic. About people and their loyal friends always ready to hold each other’s back.
A long time ago Brienne used to think that she and her siblings were such an inseparable pack. But then, they grew up and went to different classes. All of them quickly found other friends and it wasn’t the same anymore. Yes, they still were close, they still talked, helped each other, shared secrets but all of them had their own worlds outside of the family. Everyone. Except for Brienne.
“You don’t understand…” Brienne began in a strained voice, unable to finish. You don’t understand, she wanted to say, how it is to go to school and always sit alone during the lessons because no one wants to share a desk with you. You don’t know how it is to listen to people talking about parties you weren’t invited to. Or how is it to see your younger sisters preparing for dates or evenings out while you are sitting at home imagining that one day it could be you in their place.
“You don’t understand,” Brienne repeated, trying to even her breathing. “You have Willas, Ari and Alys have their bunch of friends and I… I’ve never had anyone. Until there was her… We helped each other in school, we talked about everything, we hung out together. Everything was fine until…” She orchestrated the bet and the public humiliation for Brienne. It still hurt too much to say out loud. “And I don’t know what I did wrong. I can’t recall anything that could upset her somehow. I don’t know, Gal. I can’t comprehend that… Why… why did she do it?”
“Because she was jealous.”
“Of what?” Brienne snorted in response. Gal was her brother and obviously, that was making him biased. She wasn’t as pretty as her twin sisters nor as smart and easily likeable as her brother.
“You can’t be serious now.” Gal shook his head in disbelief. “Of course there are plenty of reasons to be jealous of you. You are the kindest, the most gentle and compassionate person I ever knew. You do well in school, you are talented in sports. You became a doru-ondos champion in Stormlands. You got that university scholarship. It’s not just nothing, Brie.”
“But it’s not worth setting me up like this.”
“You definitely underestimate the pettiness of some people. Do you know that she also applied for the same scholarship and didn’t get it?”
“No… she never told me that. How do you know about this?”
“Alys happened to hang out with her sister.”
Brienne sighed. There was nothing more to say. They sat on the pier, surrounded by the sounds of birds and water.
“Gal?” Brienne said after a while. “You won’t tell anything about this to parents, right? I don’t want to upset mum.”
An apologetic expression appeared on her brother’s freckled face.
“Sorry, Brie. Now it will be kind of difficult to keep it a secret.”
“Oh, no… What did you do? Please, tell me you didn’t hunt down those guys.”
A guilty smile confirmed her suspicions.
“It wasn’t necessary. I can stand my ground.”
“I know you can. I saw you fight. But I’m still your big brother.”
“You can’t beat up everyone who hurt me.”
“Maybe but I won’t lie that it wasn’t even a bit satisfying.”
Involuntarily, Brienne smiled at that.
“Here you go. Finally, I see the smile on your face.” He splashed some water on her. “Let’s have some fun. What would you say about swimming?”
“Mum would kill you. It’s too early for that. The water is—”
“Just perfect. So, what would you say?”
Brienne looked around. Except for the couple, who managed to walk quite far away, there was nobody seen in this area and despite the water being perfect indeed, she couldn’t find it in herself to do it.
“I think I'll pass.”
“Still not in the mood?”
“Not really.”
“Fine. You don’t know what you miss,” Gal said, removing his shirt and trousers and jumping into the water.
“Wow, Brie! It’s perfect! Come here!”
Brienne only smiled at that, leaning back to lay on a pier. The sky above her was clear and blue. The rays of the sun gently fell on her face.
She closed her eyes, allowing herself to be consumed by the surrounding nature. The sound of singing birds and the gentle splashes under Gal’s strong arms. It was peaceful here yet Brienne couldn’t feel it in her heart. Why did everything have to be so complicated? Why couldn’t she be more like her siblings? It would be easier for everyone. Mum and dad wouldn’t have to worry so much and try so hard to make Brienne feel accepted and valuable. Gal wouldn’t have to constantly defend her and get himself into trouble for that. And her sisters wouldn’t have to listen to the jests about being sisters with such a great lumbering beast. They would be a perfect family without me, Brienne thought with a pang in her heart. Maybe now they’d have the opportunity when she leaves for university. It would be soon. In a few months, she’d be in King’s Landing. This realization made Brienne equally relieved and anxious at the same time. But maybe Gal was right. It could be her chance for a new start. As well as for her family. Maybe they would be happier if she distanced herself from them. She could just go and never come back… She would think about this later.
For now, she just wanted to enjoy the warmth of the sun and the soothing silence of…
Suddenly her eyes snapped open and Brienne abruptly sat up. It was too quiet. Gal.
She looked around in panic. He was nowhere to be seen. His clothes were still on a pier just as he had left them.
“Gal!” Brienne screamed. “Gal!”
No response came and only then Brienne saw something that turned her blood into ice. Bubbles of air coming right from the place where she last saw her brother.
Without thinking Brienne jumped into the water. Her clothes soaked immediately, making her movements slow and floppy. She didn’t care. She had to get to Gal and take him out. She couldn’t let him drown.
After a few strokes, she finally reached the place and taking a deep breath, Brienne dived under the water. Defeating the buoyancy, Brienne went deeper under the surface. With every inch, her movements became slower like she was diving in tar. Her vision blurred and her lungs started to burn.
Just when she thought she wouldn’t be able to dive any longer, she saw an unclear shape of a body. With all her will, Brienne pushed herself to go further. In mere seconds, she reached for the figure. It was Gal indeed. Without wasting more time, Brienne positioned herself behind him and started to pull him up. He was heavier than she expected and her body desperately screamed for air but Brienne wasn’t going to give up.
Defeat does not exist in you, does it?
She used her last strength to push up from the bottom.
Working her legs, she slowly moved toward the surface. Everything hurt. Her muscles were dying and her lungs burning. Her heart slowed down and the black circles appeared in her eyes, blurring her vision even more. She just wanted to stop but she was so close. So close. A little further and she’d reach the surface. Just a little more effort.
With the last stroke of her legs, she finally resurfaced, taking Gal with her. The first gulp of air was like a blessing from the Seven themselves. And the second even better.
Trying to even her breathing, she desperately held Gal’s unconscious body. She needed to get him to the pier. There was some commotion there but Brienne could barely see it. With the greatest effort, she moved in this direction.
When she was almost there, someone’s hands reached to grab Gal. The relief was immediate. Her exhausted muscles relaxed. It was just a fraction of a second and one careless breath when suddenly Brienne found herself unable to breathe. Water filled her lungs and she felt going down again.
But this time she didn’t have the strength to fight it. It felt like something took hold of her and she was falling down. All she could see was the water, greenish when seen from below, and the rays of the sun piercing through it. Yet she couldn’t feel their warmth. Sun looks beautiful from here, she thought. It wasn’t the worst thing she could see before her demise. The sun, big and bright.
Suddenly everything changed. The sun disappeared under the dark shield of the moon. The day became a night. Was it her last vision of this world?
It’s over, was the last thought as the darkness consumed her whole being.
There was nothing. No feeling, no consciousness, no existence.
Brienne Tarth disappeared under the deep water of the lake.
Brienne Tarth was gone.
But then she opened her eyes to find herself in a strange-looking room, together with someone she has never seen before.