Chapter Text
“Stay with me, okay?” Magnus whispered against his lips. “Stay with me.”
The line echoed as Magnus held him close. His hands were shaking, like he might shatter apart, unable to hold himself together any longer.
“You aren’t this selfish.”
He wasn’t. But he had to pretend to be. Just this once. For Magnus, he had to pretend to be.
“Magnus, I…” Alec forced the words out, feeling Magnus stiffen, preparing himself for the blow he never thought he’d have to weather. To prepare himself to be left, again, just like he always was, like he always had been.
“Fuck,” Alec swore, breaking. He choked on a sob, wrapping Magnus into his arms, pulling him as close as he could get. “Fuck, Magnus, I’m sorry,” he whispered. He wasn’t strong enough to do this, he couldn’t do it. Magnus was still stiff in his arms, but Alec wasn’t about to let him go. Not anymore.
“I’m sorry,” Alec repeated, the words falling from his lips over and over again. “I didn’t mean it, fuck, I’ll stay with you forever, it’s all I want, I’m sorry, shit, I’m, I’m…” he tried to breathe through another sob that escaped him and held Magnus tighter.
“Alexander?” Magnus asked, his voice soft.
Alec sucked in a desperate breath, tears streaming down his cheeks as he refused to let go. “I lied, I lied, I’m sorry, I just, I wanted to try to, to…” he dug his fingertips into Magnus’ jacket, clinging to him, terrified to let go for even a second. “I didn’t know what else to do, and I was scared, and I didn’t want you to hurt forever and-”
“Alexander,” Magnus repeated, more firmly. “Look at me.”
Alec shuddered, loosening his hold just enough to pull back, swallowing hard before he ordered himself to meet Magnus’ eyes. The hurt and fear there was enough to have him tightening his hold on the jacket Magnus was wearing, unwilling to have his fingers untangle from it. “Magnus, I-”
Magnus pressed a finger to Alec’s lips, forcing himself to take a deep breath. “Tell me what is going on.”
Alec nodded. “I will, I will, I promise,” he said, looking Magnus in the eye again. “But I’m not leaving. I love you. I can’t, I won’t, I’m not going anywhere.”
Magnus nodded, a small bit of the tension easing out of his shoulders. “Tell me,” he ordered.
“I summoned Asmodeus,” Alec whispered, the name leaving him on an exhale. He felt Magnus tense all over again. “I went to get your magic back. After last night…” he swallowed and bit down on his lower lip before continuing. “When you said you were mundane like I’d always wanted, and that you were never going to be okay…”
Swallowing hard, Magnus nodded, reaching out to cup Alec’s jaw. “You made a deal?”
Alec nodded. “He, he offered me the deal. Your magic, given back to you, if I broke up with you, if I broke your heart,” he whispered, clenching his eyes shut. His heart was pounding and he couldn’t help tangling his fingers in Magnus’ shirt, holding onto him tightly. “I just want you to be okay again, whole again.”
Magnus sucked in a hard breath. “ Alexander .”
“I’m sorry,” Alec continued. “I don’t want to go, I don’t want to leave, not ever, in fact…” he looked up at the ceiling and closed his eyes. “The truth is the exact opposite.”
“Which means what, precisely?” Magnus asked, his voice hard.
Alec dug into his pocket and pulled out the ring box that held the Lightwood family ring and opened it, showing it to Magnus. “This isn’t me asking, because I’m still going to ask you properly, but…”
Magnus stared at the ring in wide-eyed surprise, his eyes flying up to Alec. “That’s what dinner was,” he breathed.
Because he was looking for it, Alec could see the regret swamping over Magnus in a wave, making him swallow awkwardly, his eyes darting away as he no doubt replayed last night in his head.
“Fuck,” Magnus whispered, staring at Alec.
Alec pressed their foreheads together and sighed, tugging Magnus into his arms again. “I’m going to find a way to get your magic back, Magnus. I will,” he promised. “Not because, not because I don’t love you without it, but because…” he shifted and pressed a kiss to Magnus’ forehead, realizing that he was the one shaking now.
“You gave it up to make sure I stayed whole, that I still had my Parabatai,” Alec continued. “I want you to be whole. Just like I am.”
Magnus exhaled hard, leaning into Alec’s arms, letting himself be held close, savoring the warmth of Alec’s arms. “We have a lot to talk about,” he whispered.
Alec nodded, rubbing his hand up and down Magnus’ back. “We do.” He took another deep breath and pressed a kiss to the top of Magnus’ hair. “I haven’t changed my mind about proposing,” he added, smiling faintly as he returned the ring to his pocket. “Just so you know.”
“That’s...that’s good,” Magnus said, sagging into Alec’s arms.
“Come on,” Alec said quietly after they stood together for several minutes. “I think we both need a quiet evening in.”
Magnus nodded. “That sounds perfect, Alexander.”
~!~
The walk back to the Institute was quiet, and Alec texted both Izzy and Jace, putting them in charge with Underhill and ordering them to somehow make sure the path to his room was clear. The last thing either of them needed was someone asking questions.
Alec had never been more relieved at how terrifying his sister could be when he didn’t see anyone, and the closest thing he heard was the retreating click of Izzy’s heels as he opened the door and gestured Magnus in. He put a silencing rune on the door and took a deep breath, tensing immediately when there was a knock.
“Alec,” Izzy called, looking at the door. “It’s me. I have food, then I’ll leave you alone.”
Alec breathed out a sigh of relief, opening the door long enough for Izzy to spot Magnus sitting on the bed behind him as he took the bag of chinese food from her. “Thanks, Iz.”
Izzy smiled in relief and reached out to hug her brother. “Take care of him,” she whispered.
Alec gave her another nod and shut the door, adding a locking rune to it and turned to Magnus. “Come on. We’ve both had a long day, and we need to eat something.”
Alec had rarely eaten in what was almost complete silence with Magnus, but as they both worked through the food, despite their legs pressed together on his couch, he knew the weight of the words unsaid between them.
“So,” Magnus started, mixing his fried rice slowly, staring down at it. “You want to marry me?”
Alec huffed out a laugh and leaned back against the couch. “Is that where we’re starting in this whole mess?”
Magnus shrugged, scooping up some of the rice up and chewing it thoughtfully. “Might as well.”
“Okay,” Alec said, finishing the last of his beef lo mein before he put the carton down on the coffee table. “Yes, I want to marry you. Marry you, move in with you, spend the rest of my life loving you.”
Magnus exhaled shakily, forcing himself to take another bite of the food as it turned to ash in his mouth as he forced himself to ask the follow up question he, he needed to know. “Why?”
Alec pulled the ring out of his pocket again and flipped the box open, looking down at it, rubbing his thumb along the side of the box. “I could talk for hours about how happy I am with you, Magnus,” he started, glancing over him. “But mostly? I want to marry you because every minute of every day I am not with you, I want to be, and every minute I am with you, I want it to go on forever.”
Magnus felt those words like a punch to his chest, a reminder that they didn’t have forever, and that every minute of every day was something that they needed to make count. He put his food down and reached out, taking Alec’s hand in his, squeezing it and pulling it into his lap.
Alec closed his eyes and relaxed, shifting so he could lean his head on Magnus’ shoulder, turning his face just enough to press a kiss to it. “I love you, Magnus Bane. I would rather…” he swallowed, taking a deep breath. “I would rather you come to resent me, someday, for the loss of your magic, than, than push you away for even one minute.”
Magnus was silent for a long series of moments. “Is that what he told you?”
Alec nodded, closing his eyes with a sigh, squeezing Magnus’ hand. “Yeah.”
“I can’t lie and say there wouldn’t be days where I wouldn’t feel some resentment,” Magnus said, turning to press his cheek to Alec’s hair, leaning into him. “But to resent you to that point? When I did it for you?” he shook his head. “No.”
“Okay,” Alec whispered, closing his eyes, dropping the ring box in his lap before wrapping his other hand around Magnus’. “You, you know I don’t actually want you to be a mundane...right?”
Magnus sighed, looking down at their clasped hands. “An over-exaggerative statement of what I actually meant by that.”
“Which was?” Alec asked, nuzzling into Magnus’ shoulder.
“That you are glad we wouldn’t have my immortality hanging over our heads. The proverbial elephant in the room, as it were,” Magnus said with a sigh.
Alec took a deep breath and sighed. “I’m not... glad , Magnus. I...do I enjoy the idea of us growing into old crotchety men together?” he felt Magnus chuckle and smiled faintly. “Yeah, I’m not gonna lie, I do.” Alec paused. “But I don’t want that at the expense of you losing something that is intrinsic to who you are.”
Magnus hummed, conceding the point.
“Do you,” Alec swallowed, shifting so he could look at Magnus, waiting for their eyes to meet. “Do you think you could ever be happy, again? I mean, I’m going to move heaven and earth to get you your magic back, angel’s above, I am, but if I can’t, if we can’t…” he dropped his eyes to their hands and lifted them again. “Do you think you could...you could be happy?”
Magnus smiled, leaning into Alec, pressing their foreheads together. “I think,” he said softly. “That our wedding day, whenever it is, will be the happiest day of my life.” He took a deep breath. “I’ve had more than four hundred years of being who I was, Alexander, and it’s going to take me time to reconcile that with who and what I am now .”
Alec nodded, not looking away from Magnus.
“But,” he continued. “With you at my side? Holding my hand?” he squeezed Alec’s hand briefly. “Yes, Alexander. I have no doubt I can, and will be, very happy with my life.”
Alec relaxed, tension falling from his shoulders as he wrapped his arms around Magnus, holding him tight, his hands starting to shake as he realized how close he’d come to losing this tonight.
“You know…” he swallowed, forcing himself to start again. “I told myself. I told myself that it was okay, that, that you’d be able to move on. Find someone else to love, to offer the precious gift of your heart to. It didn’t matter that I’d…” Alec shook his head. “It was worth it. To, to give you your magic back.”
“Alexander,” Magnus sighed, leaning into the circle of Alec’s arms. “We need to have a completely separate talk about your self-sacrificing tendencies. I intend to spend a very long life with you, and these instances are not helping.”
Alec laughed, the sound wet and choked, pressing his face in closer to Magnus. “Okay,” he whispered. “Whatever you want. I promise.”
“What I want,” Magnus said, giving Alec’s arm a tug. “Is for you to take me to bed, Alexander.”
Alec huffed out a surprised laugh, pulling back enough to grin at Magnus. “To sleep, right?”
Magnus smiled for the first time in what felt like hours as he stood up, holding his hand out to Alec. “Sleep for now, we can decide otherwise in the morning.”
Alec took Magnus’ hand and stood up as well, grateful when Magnus led him to the bathroom. Watching Magnus slowly wipe the makeup off his face while Alec showered quickly felt normal in a way that he hadn’t even realized he missed. Especially when they were both crawling into bed together and into each other’s arms.
Alec got settled into the blankets and reached out, tucking some of Magnus’ hair behind his ear, smiling. “Magnus?” he called softly.
Magnus opened both his eyes, squinting up at Alec. “Mmm?”
Alec shifted and took Magnus’ hand, pressing a kiss to it. “Will you marry me?”
Magnus’ eyes flew wide and he looked down at the ring, and back up to Alec. He felt a blush growing on his cheeks and scowled. “What happened to asking me properly, hm?”
“I will,” Alec promised. “Wine you and dine you as you deserve. But when we walk out that door tomorrow…” he glanced towards it and then back to Magnus. “I want everyone to know that I love you, and I’m not going anywhere. Ever .”
Magnus smiled and reached up, touching Alec’s ring finger. “We’ll have to go shopping for you, so you can wear one too,” he mused before he looked up at his shadowhunter. “So my answer is yes, Alexander. But only if you’ll marry me, too.”
Alec laughed and slipped the ring onto Magnus’ finger, pulling him in for a kiss, exhaling shakily against his lips. “Yes, of course I’ll marry you.” He tugged Magnus into his arms again, happiness settling into his stomach when he felt Magnus clinging to him just as tightly, just as hard.
They were going to be okay. They were.